Same Old Dance, Different Venue. by Voracity2
Summary: The battle finally happens and things aren't all rosy but things happen as they do.
Categories: Buffy Stories & Crossovers > Avengers Characters: None
Series: Treasure Hunting
Chapters: 2 Completed: Yes Word count: 34379 Read: 57876 Published: 08/02/2016 Updated: 08/02/2016

1. Part 1 by Voracity2

2. Part 2 by Voracity2

Part 1 by Voracity2
Same Old Dance, Different Venue.








Xander looked around the battle, shaking his head. "This totally sucks worse than most everything in the universe but that situation in Ghana," he decided. He looked up then at the demonic army. And no human army, very few agents, half the slayers in the US, and a few mutants against them. "Humans really have to start saving themselves," he told the slayer staring at him. She nodded, giving him a panicked look. He held up a hand.

"Ladies, let's fall back," he yelled in Latin. "Now!" They moved backwards. The ones helping them followed when they saw the girls pulling back. Xander pulled up magic and did something he wanted to do during a battle in Africa. Then what he did in Ghana when the spell he cast only ate half the army. He had thought it'd be stronger.

He cut his arm and looked up. "I'm calling in that damn debt you owe me," he yelled. "Right the hell now!" Buffy spun to stare at him, mouth opening to scream at him. Then suddenly there were weapons. "Thanks, sweetie!" He smiled and waved. "If there's anything left after the next battle you can have it for an off world war." He looked then walked over to one, the demons all looking at him like he was stupid.

Xander pulled out something and armed it then threw it at the mass of demons. They at least screamed when they blew up. He grinned at Buffy. "Stripping debt. He used a fake poker debt to make me dance at his bachelor party." She was choking and shaking her head. He grinned at Faith. "She's going to need a nap." He got out of grabbing range and picked up a few more things. Some of the girls rushed over to grab weapons with him to throw or use on the demons.

Logan looked over, shaking his head. "You're so weird," he complained but he took some too. His claws didn't even dent the few he tried to cut. Some of the demons tried to attack back but the slayers handled them first. He looked over at humming. "Harris, humming," he complained.

"Oops, sorry." Buffy was making squeaky noises. The other slayers were decimating the demonic army. "Save a few, ladies. We might need them if they regain sense. Or for later on when it gets worse in another month." The girls nodded. Buffy finally took something to fire on the generals behind the army. That sent up a wailing call and the army shook themselves loose to attack them. Only now their mages were gone so they weren't impermeable. That let Logan and some of the slayers cut the demons down. Plus Xander with his special axe. Buffy shot off another weapon and then dove back in with the slayer scythe. "I've got to make you a replacement one so that one can't be lost or broken," he said to her when she ducked a blow at her head.

"Please do," she agreed. "Because that would suck huge."

"Gladly. Take my sword," he said with a point at it. She took it from the injured slayer and dove back in. "Sylvia, go to the healers," he ordered. Andrew rushed in to help her back there. More mutants showed up. "Thanks, guys," he called with a wave. "They can be cut now." That got a nod from a few and they joined the fight.

"Freeze by order of the US government!" someone on a loudspeaker yelled.

"Shut the fuck up!" Xander called back. "Unless you want to be eaten by these suckers, go home! Because you're a useless being who gives soldiers a bad name!" A few of the girls laughed. "If they touch you, break it off," he ordered them. They all nodded. "And if they touch the weapons, break their hands. We'll need it next month." Another higher demon showed up and ate one of the army of demons then smirked at the slayers as he chewed. "Oh, no. No, no no no no!" He pointed. "Go home!"

"But, Xander, they're beautiful."

"Yeah and you're toxic to humans," he said sarcastically, then took a swing at the demon. "Go home or deal with the army." He pointed behind him. They got back into the fight and the demon did go to talk to the boring humans.

"Brian!" one of the girls yelled. "No! Damn you bastards!" She rushed in until Faith stopped her and motioned to Andrew, who floated her boyfriend out of the way. She ran off to be with him. "I'm going to kill them all!"

"Yup, we can help you," Xander called. "Take him to an ER, Bri!"

"But...."

He glanced back. "Now!"

She nodded, letting one of the agents lead her off to the paramedics so they could go to the ER. He was alive and she wanted to keep him that way. She was sniffling. "I'm going to tie him down and propose to him later," she told the agent, looking at him.

"He should be able to live, miss. Let the doctors work." She nodded, going with him. The agent looked at the others. "How many others have boyfriends or girlfriends?" he asked quietly.

"Six that we spotted. One's a mutant." He pointed at where one of the local girls was beating the living crap out of a few demons for denting and cutting her boyfriend on the bicep. "A few others too." He pointed them out. That agent went over to help Kara and her boyfriend out of harm's way. "We have healers and paramedics, Slayer Kara."

She pushed her hair back, glaring at him. "I know about the local ER's and half the healers," she sneered. "Xander does great stitches."

"He'll be doing some on himself. We have demonic healers here too for you ladies," he offered. Colossus scowled at him. "They can heal injuries."

Kara picked him up and carried her boyfriend off to the healers. "He got cut. I need to go avenge that."

He pulled her closer to hug. "I'm fine. I have been hurt worse in other battles, Kara. Calm down." She sniffled and cuddled him while a healer closed the cut on his arm. The other army shouted cheers. He looked out there. "Oh, dear. Xander's down on one knee. Buffy's unconscious. Faith's backing away."

She looked. "Oh, shit. Xander's going to lose it." She ran out there to help. "Xander, let us help! Don't you dare go off!"

He looked back at her and smirked then picked up something from a case he had kicked out of the way. He bled onto it then walked over to hand it to one of the demons. "May you and yours have fun with the wanted blood," he said in a demon trade tongue. Then he ran off. The bomb went off. The demons who wanted Xander showed up to gather the blood, and the demons it was on. They all screamed and ran from that demon group. Xander flung more blood on them so they got eaten, laughing as he did it.

Faith looked at Xander. "Don't make me knock you out, boytoy."

Logan came over to grab Xander's arm, hauling him off to the healers. "Fix that. Before it tries for you."

"It can't eat me. It wants me hugely but it can't get my mortal form," he said with an insane grin. "But anyone with my blood will get their attention." Logan groaned. The healers grabbed Xander to fix his arm. His axe got handed to Colossus to hold while they worked on him. Buffy got carried in. The US army tried to gather the weapons, the slayers, and the mutants. At least until they all got glassy eyed and wandered off toward the harbor so they could jump in. That let the girls gather the extra weapons and take them to hide for the next battle with the agents' help.

A young brunette woman strolled into the healer's tent, looking at Xander. "Wow. I thought it wanted me."

Xander grinned. "It can't eat my human form." He smirked. "But it sure wants my blood."

"Hey, works for us," one of the slayers quipped from where she was being cleaned up. "Why did you show up, Dawn?"

"To help close the portal. The coven summoned," she said with a shrug. "I'm thinking they're tired."

"Don't you dare let them expose you," Xander warned.

"Not a chance." She went to talk to the coven. "Okay, you guys summoned me for some reason. Let's get on with it before someone notes me and my mundane lifestyle is ended by idiots." They nodded, moving to work on the portal. She took Tara's hand with a grin. Tara smiled back. "My sister will probably hate that they cut her hair."

"So would I," Tara agreed. They closed the portal for once and forever. They sent Dawn home and Tara went to help the healers. "What can I do to help?" she asked, taking a bottle of water from one of the agents.

"Miss, are you with the Council?" an agent asked.

She smiled. "I'm from the Sunnydale team and I'm with the Coven."

"Oh!" He smiled and nodded. "That's great. What happened to the army people?"

She shrugged. "No clue. Wasn't the coven. I'm guessing a compulsion though." She took a sip. "That had to come from one of the local mages."

"Not a mutant?"

"No, not a mutant at all. I felt the magic. There's fifteen mages in the city that I know of. It was one of them wanting to keep down the hell. Because if they had taken the slayers hostage we would've had to throw down for real." She smiled slightly. "I would've even changed Rosenburg back for that." She walked off. "Let me help, Healer."

"Please, Lady Tara. The Goddess smiles on you. We could all use some of that." She lent energy and hands to help with the injuries. She had learned a lot because it was almost a necessity around the slayers. "We have heard there's an upcoming one?"

"In about a month something will attack some of the mutants on the darker side and make them run for help," she said. "There's been visions." He winced but nodded with a moan of pain. "We know it'll be demonic in nature but not what yet."

"That will be bad. Will they summon it?"

Xander blinked then shook his head. "No. It'll be trying to prove it's the bigger, badder bad guy by taking them out. It hates mutants. It looks like a monk only he's green."

"That's probably a bad thing then. I know of myths of a blue one," the healer said, looking at him.

Xander shook his head. "I checked against those. He comes some year soon but not yet. This one's green and I think he's from one of the other nine realms or space."

"Ah. Then we will figure it out."

"You'll be needed to guard the community," Xander said, staring at him. "It won't like the demonic any more than the mutant community. You're all in danger and we're all boned because his buddies will be attacking a few places at once." The healer nodded but sighed. "I've let the local overlord have copies of the visions."

"We will get them from him," another healer agreed. They got back to work.

Xander got off the bed, taking his axe back. "Let me hide before Buffy wakes up to scream and rant." The girls all laughed. "Meet us back there sometime, ladies, unless you're camping with the girls in the motels." He walked off to make sure everything was cleaned up. The demons who wanted his blood were licking it off the ground. All the weapons had disappeared. Xander looked at a SHIELD agent, who nodded behind him. "The weapons?"

"In hiding for your girls."

"Thanks. See you guys in a month."

"We'll be seeing you in a week for the debrief, Harris." He grinned.

"Sure, if you want. Talk to Hannah. She does all ours." He walked off using his t-shirt to clean off his axe. A police officer glared at him. "What? I was just in a battle! I'm going home."

"No battle axes in the open please, sir."

"Sure. I'll figure out how to cover it if it'll let me."

"Thank you." He watched him walk off shaking his head. The Council people were all weird. The slayers were cute but they were just as weird.

***

Hannah the slayer walked up to the SHIELD desk, smiling at the agent there. "I'm Slayer Hannah and I'm here for the debrief Director Fury called for."

"I'll let him know you're here, Slayer Hannah." He called up there. "Sir, Slayer Hannah here for the post-battle debrief." He looked at her. "He expected Harris, miss."

"Yeah but Xander's got a headache and we tied him to the bed so we could fuss over his injuries." She smiled. "He wasn't going to let us fuss. So Kara's in charge the local house and I'm the one that does all the debriefs anyway."

He listened. "Go ahead up to the seventh floor, Slayer Hannah." He set the elevator for her and got her signed in. She headed up after being hand wanded by security. Once she was safely off he shook his head quickly. "The world is relying on a bunch of happy young women," he muttered. He nodded at an agent strolling in. "They're starting the post-battle debrief, Hawkeye."

"That's fine." He headed up to the office, tossing in his report. "On our parts, Director." He smiled at the slayer. "Did Xander get to escape yet?"

"Nope." She beamed at him. "Because we're really good at making sure he knows he's our normal guy so we get to fuss. Kara's doing a lot too. Ooooh, she's the head slayer in charge now. Kennedy's now formally taking over the house in London for good and Penny's retiring to non-patrol status because she had an oops and a flight to Vegas right before the battle. He wouldn't let her join in."

Clint Barton smiled and nodded. "I hope Penelope's happy being a mom and wife, Hannah. Good job during the battle. Your team didn't have a lot of problems."

"We were off to the side because we're not the higher end fighters." She shrugged. "Which is why we're the ones to debrief with, because we saw it and helped but we're probably not the sort to be injured." She smiled. "Will you be there for the one in a month?"

"If at all humanly possible." She hugged him with a squeal. He patted her on the back. "Just let me know at least a day before if you can." She nodded. "That's our report. Half of my team is kicking themselves over being out of town again." He strolled off grinning. He had some agents he wanted to talk to about why they weren't at the battle. His phone beeped with a message. "Watch out for octopuses," he read, then frowned. "Huh?" Then someone attacked him so he fought back. He stared at the junior agent. "You really need to work on that." Someone shot at him. "And so do you." They went down to a taser in the neck. "Nat." He grinned. "You're back?"

"I was here for the battle but I was in the left side battle unit." She stared at the agent she had tazed. "What is their damage this time?" He held up his phone. "Interesting. We should really talk to the others. I just figured out what Harris was talking about when he met Grant Ward and had a flash of a vision." Clint smirked at her. Another few agents tried to attack them.

Hannah walked out, smiling but clearing her throat. "Why are you doing this around slayers? Really? You *do* know that we have a last breath spell to summon a demon to avenge us? Or it might just summon Xander to avenge us?" She stared at the agents. "Y'all have fun now, ya hear, but not around me. Even if you get me before I can say the three words, it'll still happen with my last heartbeat. Xander made sure of it." She smiled. The agents ran off.

Natasha looked at her. "Do you really like the Beverly Hillbillies?" Clint asked.

She smiled and nodded. "I always wanted to be Ellie May. Who doesn't like critters?" She waved a hand. "My mother was shortsighted when she named me Hannah. I asked her once why she didn't name me Ellie after my grandmother but she said she hates that show. Pity but I still think she's weird anyway." She went back into the office.

Clint and Natasha shared a look before going to hunt down those agents. They really did have to make sure those sort didn't come near nice young women like Hannah. Or get warped by Xander like Hannah clearly had been.

***

Kara opened the door, staring at the tall, bald, one-eyed man standing there in a leather trenchcoat and all black. "Xander's still tied to the bed. We're not going to let him up until he's healed this time." She smiled. "That way he can't go out with a bad girl who wants to bruise him more."

Director Fury handed over Hannah. "Someone tried to attack her at the SHIELD office. HYDRA has become a pain. You should let someone with less perky times do the debrief, Slayer Kara. She's young and bouncy and other directors wouldn't understand."

Kara grinned. "That's why we send Hannah, Director Fury. Because if those other sorts bother her, we'll just send Xander to save her." He snorted but looked amused. "Hannah, you good?"

"I'm fine. Is Xander still tied up? I got a text message saying he was missing but it was someone who wanted him because of how he found things in Africa."

"I haven't checked in the last half-hour. Someone check on Xander," she called.

"He's gone," was called a minute later. "Someone cut the ropes and snuck him out the fire escape because we had him knocked out for the cleaning of the gross eye thing and the wound on his back."

"I can put out feelers to see if he needs saved," the director said, walking off shaking his head. He called in that warning on his way back to the office to continue working on the clean up of his dirty people. He really had to end HYDRA soon. Before they tried to grab a slayer. No one wanted to see what Harris would pull out of his ass to save them.

Hannah smiled at Kara. "I'm going to the demon bar to pet things. Need me to pick up anything when I come back by curfew?"

"No, we're good. We just went shopping last night. Have fun. Tell Mo I said hi." Hannah smiled and nodded, bouncing off to take a cab to the demon bar where she could pet things.

Kara shut the door, going up to tidy up Xander's room. The people who kidnaped him really had to start cleaning up their own messes. She also let his axe out of the closet so it could fly off to find her mated human. It was a great friend to have and pet but it did like Xander above all others.

***

Xander woke up, blinking at the man in the hooded robe above his head. "Wow, this is not what I expected to do today," he said dryly. He sat up. At least he wasn't tied down, no one had a knife, and he was still alive as far as he could tell.

"Mr. Harris, we need you to look for an artifact for us," the robed man said, not lifting his head so Xander couldn't see his face.

"I have no idea how I do anything but find metal," he said dryly. "I just fall into artifacts."

"The one we need is made of metal," he said, sounding happy. "It's a statue of Apollo."

"I'm assuming that it's possessed," Xander said, swinging his feet around. "It's probably not on the underground or in legal hands. Was it stolen from you?"

"Many years ago by heretics."

"So I'm guessing that it was one of the ones grabbed during World War II?" The man nodded. "Interesting. It's in the museum." He pointed. "Or at least one of the two is."

The man's head lifted and you could just barely tell he was a white guy with a scarce beard by his chin. "Two?"

"Table sized metallic statues of Apollo with things trapped inside? Two. One's in a museum about five miles that way," he said with another point. That gave him an idea of where he was in the city. "The other's somewhere really green. It's showing me a field and a tiny little cottage."

"Any idea where the cottage is?"

"Nope. Just a really green field with little white flowers here and there in the grass." He shrugged. "I've barely been anywhere in England."

"How do you know you're in England?" the man asked.

"Because you're British, the ones whispering in the dark corners are speaking British, and this is clearly outside of London. The energy in London feels weird to me and it's not that far away from it." The man fully stared at him, letting him see his face. "The statue's in one of the national museums. I visited it after the convergence event." He stared at him. "Beyond that, the group in England that wasn't the Council who was stealing or confiscating artifacts is seriously on everyone's hit list for being dickheads. Even if some of them are official."

He stared at one of the people in a corner then looked at him again. "Dude, your keys are in your pocket. Quit prompting it before I start finding the other things around here." That one quit thinking about anything metal. Xander looked at the robed guy again. "I'm pretty sure that you're going to have to steal it from the museum. They're not going to put mystical artifacts on display." He grimaced. "Which I can't and am not going to do. You might ask Giles if he can intercede."

"I can do that. The other one?"

"All I see is a little cottage in a field." He shrugged. "No idea where it is or if it was related to that group that was created to go against the Council."

"All right. We can look into that. Thank you for your help, Mr. Harris." He waved a hand and a dart hit Xander to knock him out.

Xander plucked out the dart and sniffed it then looked at that same corner. "Dude, I got exposed to mermaid taint in high school and nothing works like it should on me." He yawned. "Though it's nice it's time for painkillers." Someone cast a quiet spell to knock him out before they rushed in to arrest all the cultists.

"I'm glad we kept the old bastards at the Council from acting on their death wish for the boy," one of them said. "Deliver him to his girls. We'll handle this mess." His people nodded, two of them carrying Xander out to deliver to the local slayer house.

***

Kennedy poked Xander, staring down at him. "Why can't I get away from you?" she asked sarcastically.

"Because someone kidnaped me from New York to ask me about their possessed statue." He sat up with a groan, holding his side. "Did someone stab me?"

"No, some of your stitches broke," she said, staring down at him. "Who were they?"

"I'm guessing it was the group that formed between the two world wars to go against the Council by confiscating mystical things," he said. "And the group that had me is probably a small group that wanted whatever was trapped inside the statue of Apollo." He stretched. "But hey, nice nap they gave me."

She nodded, walking off shaking her head. "The US embassy is still telling Giles you don't actually exist."

"Great. I'll see if the coven can move me or look up the teleporting spell for myself." She looked back at him. He grinned. "I got magic now, Kennedy."

"Ewww. That's going to be a problem."

"No, I know what self control is. It's why I didn't smite some bitches when I was younger." She laughed but nodded, going to the kitchen. He followed. "Coffee?" She handed him a mug and pointed. He poured himself some and sipped with a sigh of pleasure. "Nice choice, whoever bought it."

"I'll tell Andi that when she gets back from school." She walked off texting Buffy and Faith. She laughed. "Buffy said you'd better hide from her, mister, or else she was going to beat you to death."

Xander snorted but sipped more coffee. "Did one of the girls stake her date again?"

"No. She's pouting about Penny's boyfriend. She's on no battle status?" she asked, heading back to the kitchen.

He grinned. "Two days before the battle she found out she had an oops with her bc and they had a quick flight to Vegas." He finished that cup and got more.

"Huh. That's sweet. I hope her kid's healthy and a good kid instead of a brat." She walked off again. "She's jealous of Penny's boyfriend."

"She knows where guys like Penny's boyfriend hang out. Have her go back to the mercenary bar," Xander quipped. "They'll probably gladly flirt with her."

"Better than a vampire any day," she said, typing that in. "She huffed back."

"Of course she did." He patted himself down. "Call my phone? See who has it?"

She grunted but did that and walked off talking to Kara. "Guess who got kidnaped to find an artifact and got dropped off on my doorstep?" she said in greeting. "Yeah, him. Slurping coffee. He swore up and down he could find the teleporting spell and use it. Your wand's back there, Xander."

"I can do wandless magic, Kennedy. I just have to unfuzzy my mind so I can remember it." He frowned. "I hate flashes of visions," he said, pouring more coffee and strolling off. He walked off sipping and ignored Kennedy following him. He stopped one guy by spinning him around and grinning. Then he punched someone. "You're a demon in disguise. Change the fuck back, asshole. I may hate being in London, but still. You just set off a vision." He grinned and sipped the rest of his coffee. The demon changed back.

Xander handed the mousy looking guy he had moved his cup. "Hold that for me please so I don't have to replace it for the slayers." The guy was spluttering but oh well. He could have an Englishman's fit if he wanted. He dove at the demon, beating the crap out of him. "Hmm, nearly as good as coffee this morning." He got off the groaning body, wiping his hands off on his t-shirt. "So, you chose to do something that set off my vision and I usually only see battles. Are you happy with that decision?" he asked blandly, staring at it.

"We'll get you, Knight," the demon groaned. "I vow it on my heart's blood."

Xander leaned down. "The line starts behind D'Hoffryn," he said dryly, smirking at him. "Have fun waiting your turn." The demon whined. "Shoo."

"I cannot. You broke my teleportation crystal."

"Awww, poor thing. Either you go or I'm going to make you go in a messy spot." He smiled then looked around, whistling loudly. His axe came flying to his hand. "Awww, baby, you didn't lose me. The cultists kidnaped me. I'm sorry I worried you."

"Yeah, Kara, his axe just found him," Kennedy said. "Xander, he takes fire to end."

"I know that, Kennedy. I taught many girls about them." He stomped on the demon again then muttered something, lighting it on fire and beheading it. He put the head respectfully on the chest then walked off petting his axe. He grinned and took his cup back. "Thanks for the holding, dude. Their kind are kinda evil, they take human slaves for sex and eating." He walked off ignoring the huffy guy. "Tentacle friends of theirs usually get to have fun too and a lot of people really don't want to think about tentacle sex."

"Eww," Kennedy complained. "Yes, them," she complained to Kara. "Xander, clean your mind up. It's filthy in there and full of weird, bad things. I'm going to tell Faith."

"Tell my ex," he said with a point at someone. "Maybe I'll get a date tonight before I find the teleporting spell and head back to New York." He blew a kiss and waved, making the guy groan. "Howdy. I got taken by cultists looking for an artifact in a local museum."

The guy trotted over to hug him. "It's all right. We can get you home, Xander. We won't even charge you sex for the rescue." He walked him off. "That's a pretty axe."

"It came down from Asgard to be petted by me." He let his lover pet it with him. This one did like weapons too.

Kennedy muttered something. "He found a happy date night, Kara. Have fun when he gets back." She took the cup back to the house, closing and locking the door. The guy Xander had saved had tried to follow but oh well. He could go be a normal guy somewhere else. She did not have the patience or time to break a new normal guy in. Plus he had looked boring so not good for sex either.

***

The 'normal guy' walked back to where his car was waiting, calling his roommate. "I met one of those Council people. No, not misguided, Sherlock. Beat the living crap out of the demon who was pretending to be that substitute detective. Ended up beheading him and setting him on fire after he had changed into a six-foot-three green thing with a few minor tentacles around his neck. No, I'm not hallucinating. The fire's being put out right now." He looked at the officer staring at it. "He was a demon."

"We noticed," one of the officers said, looking at him. "You don't look too horrified."

"I work with Inspector Lestrade," he said dryly. "With Holmes."

"No wonder it didn't horrify you. What happened?"

"The guy showed up with a woman chatting on the phone behind him. He spun me away from what I thought was a DI from upcountry who came in to substitute for one on leave. Handed me his coffee cup, insulted the guy, who then changed so the guy pounced him."

"English?"

"American. Dark hair, one eye looked like it wasn't working."

"Must be their hunter guy. He was here a few times, including during that convergence," her partner said.

"He had an axe that flew over to be petted by him," John Watson said.

"Yup, that's him." They all shrugged and let him sign the statement. John went home to be questioned by Sherlock for hours on end. The officers made a report to their boss, who complained up the chain a bit but at least they didn't have a harmful sort in their department any longer.

***

Xander decided to see why London had that funny energy thing that drew him. New York had something similar but it felt dirtier to him. So maybe he'd find a clue so he could figure out if it was a real problem or not. He found his way into the Underground, heading uptown on the train until the power felt very strong. Then he got off and found a maintenance doorway. That way was blocked so he headed for another one. He grinned at the staring subway officer. "Council. I feel mystical energy so I'm figuring out why."

The officer pointed up the tunnel. "Next stop, sir. Nice hospital up there too."

Xander grinned. "That'll probably help later. Thanks." He traced the magic, getting on the subway train again to go up a stop. Yup, it was there. It was a blank spot in the center of the power. He found a blocked doorway, frowning as he chanted the small spell to open it for him. He slid inside and looked around. He blew on a lamp and then plugged it in. Light was good and he was in some sort of small sitting room. This wasn't more than an interesting area though the books looked like they could be useful. He picked a few to take with him. He needed something to read in bed anyway.

He found two other rooms linked. One was a bathroom with a closet that held ritual robes. The other was a bedroom. Xander looked up then went through the bathroom. Behind the ritual robes was a small door for him to look through. He walked in and stared at the temple. "Wow," he said. "Huh." Lanterns around the area lit and he looked up at the head statue. "Dionysus," he said with a head nod. "Just making sure this wasn't something I had to handle for the slayers." He heard a quiet laugh but it was amused so not a problem.

He looked around, finding something that looked like pictures of Hermes' staff. He held it up, then put it onto the main altar. "Please don't let that out into the world, Lord Dionysus. I don't need that sort of stress." He looked around some more, finding a few other shrines in the corners. Not one to Bacchus though, which was weird. That one was probably somewhere closer to the demon areas. He walked out, taking the books with him. The temple felt pouty but he wasn't going to vow himself to any god or goddess unless they were great in bed.

***

Xander reappeared in New York the next morning, sighing as he looked up. "Hi, Honey, I'm home." He hit the guy trying to lift his wallet then looked back at him. "Don't touch. You're not my type." He walked off, putting his t-shirt over the head of his axe before some officer complained about it. He got funny looks for walking around without a shirt on instead. He shrugged at one officer's dirty look. "I got kidnaped to England by cultists looking for mystical things. Feel lucky I was wearing pants in bed."

The officer walked off muttering. So another happy day in New York for him. A car sped up to him and spun out to face him. "Officer, can you please stop the bad agents?" he called loudly. The officer came back to see what was going on. One of the agents pulled a rifle and then had to fall down because his head was split by a thrown axe. The axe flew back to Xander, letting him pet it. "That's a good boy axe. A very good boy axe. Wanna go let Kara and them pet you? I heard Penny's back." The axe hummed happily. Xander grinned at the officer. "I'm going back to the slayer house."

"Please do," the officer ordered. "And cover the head again, sir."

"Yup." He did that with his t-shirt as he walked off. The agents were detained by the officer and the friendly ones he called to help him. Some day soon he'd really have to send the NYPD a thank you note, but note that his axe wasn't all that dangerous when it was naked; it was a naked boy axe, not a naked girl. He walked into the house, handing the axe to Penny, who cooed and petted it. "The cultists wanted a mystical artifact that was in a museum."

She shook her head. "Only you, Xander. Giles wanted a call."

"Sure." He went to find his phone and called him. "I'm back in New York finally. No, cultists and I ran into that group that was confiscating mystical things before the Council got to them. They knocked me out and dropped me on Kennedy. Yes, Giles, it's Xander. Hmm, memory spells again? I didn't do it." Giles muttered something and then groaned. "No more memory spells, Giles? Do I have to fix it again? And is it the same cat-shaped witch?" He grinned, looking up. He found his wand and cast something around Giles to protect him and then at the witch who had spelled him he sent it back at her. Tara complained by text but it didn't hit her, it just glanced back on her.

Xander grinned. "So, Giles, you wanted a call about my kidnaping to England? No clue. The group that rescued me from the cultists did a sleep spell but they were looking for a possessed statue of Apollo. I found two. One's in a museum and the other showed me a picture of a tiny cottage in a really green field. Yeah, looked like that. Oh, that's what that is. Cool. No, I was near London but away from that funny feeling spot. No, it didn't feel like a catacomb. Yup, the axe wanted to be petted by Penny.

"Thanks, man. Let me know if I have to do more protections." He hung up and went to save his axe from the petting girls. It struggled to get back to them so it was a good thing. So when the spell hit the house, the girls in contact were safe. Xander protected the rest. Then he hit back at whoever had done that. Poor witches. Poor, misguided witches. Pity. Xander grinned at the girls. "Giles wanted to know if I could start finding mystical artifacts around here."

Penny looked at him. "That's mean, Xander."

He smiled. "Thank you." They groaned but Kara knocked him out and put him onto the couch so they could all play with the weapons without his bad idea generator putting up ideas.

***

Xander was humming a song he had heard on Bugs Bunny during a chase scene that he had watched that morning as he broke into the safe area under New York. That energy leak was getting louder and more annoying. So he was going to figure out what it was and shut it up if he could. He walked into the safe, shrugging when the door slammed shut behind him. He headed for the power signature he could feel, and his axe was reacting to by wiggling. He walked into a lab. Oops. And a few mystical artifacts were there too. Double oops. Okay. He could handle this.

He pulled his axe and got three of the scientists then the guard before he could hit the emergency switch. He reached over the end of the table, touching the staff. "Baby, c'mon. Let's get you somewhere safer. I felt your call." He gathered it and the other things, including one of the scientists' protection amulets. Those could be precious things. The staff moved and the safe door blew out. "Sure, we can do that." He juggled things then bundled them up into his shirt he took off.

He walked out into the semi-fresh air, coughing a bit. "Wow, nasty today in the city." He looked at the staff then at his axe. "Can you go find some other Asgardian down here?" he asked it. It flew off and headed uptown. "Cool. I'm going to the bar," he called after it. He headed down there, putting two things in front of a pair of glaring mercenaries as he walked in. They were slowly drawn to kiss each other so the statues could kiss. He grinned at the bartender. "My axe is getting someone to help the poor babies." He grinned.

"It's mean to make them go gay, Xander," the bartender complained but he was smiling. The kissing turned into beating on each other. Which the statues stopped by making them kiss again. "At least it's mystical gayness." He looked at the staff he held. "Isn't that what that guy in green used to invade the city?"

"I was in Africa then," Xander said dryly. "How would I know? I know it's Asgardian so my axe is getting another one of them down here to take it."

"Sure, that's cool. They're gross together. Not even porn worthy. Can you stop them?"

"Yeah, if I can summon Buffy." He grinned and did that. "Buffster, the mystical artifacts are making them make out. Can you get them free?" he asked.

She huffed and pushed back her hair but moved the statues. They stared at her before pulling her down to make sure they were still het with her.

Xander grinned at his favorite bartender. "Slayers do good breaking mystical things."

"I'm sure they do," the bartender said dryly.

"She needed a new boyfriend anyway," he quipped. His axe flew back into his hand, feeling very happy. Xander walked the stuff out there, handing them to the big, blond guy and his girlfriend. "Hi. I was tracking the unhappy mystical thing there and found them in a lab under the city. I didn't want unhappy mystical things to draw problems onto the city so I rescued it." He grinned. "It's pretty muchly Asgardian stuff so I sent my axe to find you. Thanks." He cuddled his axe on his way back inside.

Thor looked at the artifacts then at the doorway. Then at his girlfriend. "That one is very strange even for a warrior."

"Yes, he is," she agreed. "Let's get these back somewhere safer."

"Please. Before my brother's staff tries to adopt someone else." He got them back to the car and back to the tower. "The warrior who fights with the Battle Maidens found them in a lab under the city. He said they were unhappy and he didn't want them to draw anything to the city." He put them all carefully on the meeting table. He made sure the statues weren't close together when he saw them trying to move closer to people and each other.

Tony Stark looked at them then at Thor. "Isn't that your brother's staff?"

"Aye."

"SHIELD had it," Steve Rogers realized. He groaned. "Great, so we have HYDRA with mystical weapons."

"Probably not many," Jane, Thor's girlfriend, said. "It seems like the guy saved them."

The heros all nodded. "That guy's a bit weird anyway," Stark said.

Clint Barton shook his head. "He's not. He's real protective over the slayers. He's their big brother. They all consider him normal." Stark snorted, shaking his head. "They seem to think so. We know he's got a metal finding talent."

"Metal finding guy?" Steve asked. "I've heard rumors about him."

"That's him," Natasha said, pulling up the file she had on him. "He's very interesting but a bit warping. The girls all get weapons petting time. Including of his axe, which came down during the convergence."

"I remember. It came right for him and he accepted it," Thor agreed. "Told me it wanted cuddled."

"I'm sure many mystical things want to cuddle him," Stark said dryly. "Guys like him are probably followed by them."

"There's others like him?" Jane asked. "Where? So I don't have to deal with mystical things?"

"Well, the rest of the Council is in Cleveland," Clint said dryly. "But the old guys down there are mostly leftover from the old Council so they want the girls to go back to being warriors slaves they raised from birth if they could." Natasha grimaced, shaking her head. "Thankfully they rebuilt it so it's better for the girls. Some are even moms and have real lives if they want. Penelope, the former head of the local house, she just got married in a hurry."

"In a hurry?" Jane asked with a smile.

"Yeah, right before that battle she popped up on the test so they ran to Vegas. Xander was smiling when he shared that news."

"Wow," Stark said, nodding slightly. "At least she'll be happy with her boyfriend, I hope."

"He's a merc. He knows what her life was like before and can back her up if something happens," Natasha said. Stark grinned at that. "He's trying to set Buffy up with someone sane and alive," she told Clint.

"Might be a good thing for the younger girls to see," Clint agreed. "Her last one was one of Harris' exes. They were casual but he's gone now thanks to HYDRA. Speaking of, we need to make sure that anything he left the slayers gets to them," he told Natasha. "It's just like some of those other agents to try to stop it, which would probably mean they would need more weapons sometime soon."

She nodded. "They're still ignoring that Harris is a US citizen. A few still think they can deport him back to Egypt but the Egyptian government has told them off a few times."

"Murphy's second law," Steve said dryly. "People in governments and agencies rise to their level of stupidity."

"Definitely when you're talking about most agencies, including SHIELD," Stark agreed. He shook his head. "Do we have a place to store them safely before they get destroyed or whatever?"

"We can't destroy most of them," Thor said. "They would cause more problems. Possibly even releasing something larger that we would have to battle for the slayers."

Stark nodded. "I've got a safe for them then."

"Thank thee." Thor looked at his girlfriend. "Let us put them up safely before they draw inquisitive sorts." They carried them down to the safe area so they could make sure it was all put away for a long, hidden nap.

***

Xander walked into the store that was run by former Watchers, looking at one of them. "I heard you went to visit one of the minis," he said dryly. The man winced. "Yeah, her mother taped it, Drews. Really?" He stared at him. "The glorious old days of dying young and in a messy manner?" The guy huffed off. "At least you told her the truth, not like your partner, he who complains," he called after him. "Because she told me." That one slunk down some.

"Now then," he said with a smile and a clap of his hands. "We have two weeks until a huge battle coming up with a green skinned mutant who'll hate us, hate them, hate demons, and hates humans just as much. He's coming from somewhere else in space or one of the nine realms. It's going to be in multiple places." Both former watchers groaned. "And we've got visions about four battles." He stared at them. "The girls will need shit and the minis are going to be evacuated before then by the coven. Can I trust you two not to screw them up?" They nodded.

"We'd never harm them, Harris. You know that the watcher's life is in his girl."

"Yeah but the old ways are no more outside of us supporting them. I don't want them propaganda'd to brainwashing."

"No, we won't," the other one said. "Are we helping remove them?"

"You sure are." He grinned. "I didn't figure either of you were front line fighting guys." They shook their heads. "All right." He handed over two envelopes. "One has a charm by the coven. Tara made sure it'll work. Activate it when you've got all the minis together in a safe area. Could take up to a half-hour to move them. She said first activated, first served. The other one has a list and a copy of the visions." They looked them over, both grimacing. "I'm hoping like hell we'll be able to handle all of the idiot's minions."

"We can ship some weapons to some of the other teams," one of them said.

Xander grinned. "That'd be great, thank you. We've got some leftover from me calling in that debt but not a whole lot. I'm not sure what'll work against them." They nodded, making plans with their inventory list. "Faith has New York with me. Buffy has LA's portal area, which is a backup one just in case. She's also got a broken foot." They grimaced but nodded. "Kennedy's in charge of the London house and has their protection. The main guy in Italy is going to be handled by Marty if she can't make him go home. The other one in Australia is going to be handled by their house and the military that backs them up because they're *real* certain the girls shouldn't have to save their asses on their own. Which I do like. They're great big brothers to that whole house." He grinned. "Just like I am."

"That's good for the girls," one of them agreed. "They could use the backing up more often."

"The current watchers are all in the field anymore. A few research guys are still hovering in the library like ghosts but the rest of everyone's out in the field."

"We'd hate that," one said dryly. "We'd never be able to handle that." The other nodded. "We'll do what we can. Let us know if things change, Harris."

"Of course. I want those minis protected and safe." They nodded. "Good. Have a happier day." He went to hand over the copies of the visions to SHIELD people. He ran into Avengers tower first and considered it then went inside. "Hi, I'm Watcher Xander Harris. I have information on an upcoming battle for one of the agents in the tower," he told the receptionist quietly. He held up the envelope. "Can you make sure it gets to one?"

"I can put it into the inter-office mail."

Xander wrote on the envelope and handed it over after letting her check it to make sure it was only paper. "Thanks. Two weeks to four battles." He left, going back to the house. The receptionist gave that envelope to one of the guards, who grimaced but stuck it into the mail for the office. They could handle that stuff. The rest of them weren't heroic by any means.

***

The mercenary opened the note that had been left for him at the bar. //Sorry, I didn't think that weapons stash had a living owner. One of my poker debts told me about it. But I did put it to good use saving everyone's ass. Thanks for the lending.// He looked up, holding up the note. "Who?"

"Harris," he said with a grin.

"Who?" he asked, looking even more confused.

"The guy who changed Deadpool into Bearpool." Still the confused look. "Metal finding guy."

"Oh!" He nodded once. "Does he work for someone?"

"The slayers."

"Oh, them. Yeah, he can bum sometimes." He nodded, walking off after getting a beer.

"That reminds me," the bartender said, looking around. He used his air horn. "Guys, Harris, metal finding guy, told me the slayers are having multiple battles in about a week. One here, one in London, one in Australia, and possibly one in LA. There's a chance of one in Italy as well. He said he'd kiss you guys if you fell in. They don't have enough slayers or fighters. Especially with what the Army pulled last time." A few grimaced but nodded. "Seriously, this is something that's going to be starting with some of the darker mutants and coming for the rest of us because it doesn't like us normal people any more than it does them. Oh, and it's green skinned, possibly an alien, and hates living life forms."

A few more nodded. "Guns work?"

"No clue yet. He said he can't find much on it. It's shown up once before and got sidetracked by a baby that decided he was special. So he took it to raise. His minions went with him to celebrate the newest kid in the family."

"Great," one of the guys in the back complained. "Will we be seeing them too?"

"No clue."

"Even better," another agreed. "Sure, if we see it, we'll gladly jump in if it'll help." The others nodded. That was partially their lines of work as mercenaries. A few called or texted their former military buddies to come help. With the way the Army had acted after that last battle, they might have to move all the slayers out of the US and then the city was boned in the bad way.

***

Xander met up with Logan that night, looking at him. "Has anyone talked to that other group?"

"We've tried. They're not listening."

Xander nodded. "Can I do that instead?"

"They won't listen to you either. Even though you have that tiny gift, you're not on their side."

"No, I'm on the side protecting the little kids they forgot. And hey, we have an in." He whistled and waved. The girl trotted over. "Bethy, this is Logan."

"I saw you helping the big slayers during that last battle, Logan," she said with a smile, holding out a hand. "I'm mini Slayer Bethy."

"You look a lot like that one guy," Logan said dryly, shaking her hand.

She grinned. "I do look a lot like my dad," she agreed. She grinned at Xander then at him. "But I'm only evil part of the time. Mostly by getting the picking slayers back."

Xander nodded. "Made two hellhound puppies adopt the slayers having their cycles to protect them from boys because they teased her about hers starting."

Logan winced. "That's really mean."

Bethy grinned. "Thank you!" she chirped. She looked at Xander. "Can we find my dad so he knows that whatever condom brand he was using sucks?"

"Yeah, we can do that, probably." He grinned at Logan.

"Yeah, I can figure that out by tomorrow. Let me call some people to warn them. There's a few who'll hurt her for that." He knew the kid's parent was basically gathering intelligence on that other group so he was on both sides.

"No, they won't," she said with an evil smirk. "Because I'm just that good." Xander swatted her on the head. "And I kinda break the slayer rules since I've got both types of gifts." She smirked. "But I'm not all that unhappy with the extra training."

"Training's always helpful," Xander agreed. "I train daily too."

"Yup, so do I. Still sucks I can't join the track team to rub some noses in their inadequacies of stupidity." Xander glared at her. "They are!"

"They're teenage girls. Most of you are full of stupid at least half the time," he said dryly. "Trust me, I deal with a lot of it daily. Showing them up just makes them mad. Look at Kennedy, who should've grown out of that by now."

"I guess. Still sucks."

"Yeah but yay."

"Fine."

Logan smiled. "She's mouthy like her aunt."

"I've seen my aunt but she just looked so confused," Bethy said. "But she had a neat jacket."

"Maybe she'll give you fashion tips so you don't follow Buffy's idea of patrol clothes," Xander said dryly. He looked up then at Logan, who sniffed and groaned. "Well, that's not what I wanted but it'll work."

"No it won't," Logan warned. "He won't like that."

Xander pulled his wand and stunned the guy. "Yeah, like I care." He walked over, staring at the guy. "Hi, I'm Xander. I work with the slayers. One of the slayers is related to one of your people and she'd like to tell her dad she exists. Can you maybe get one of them here?" He smiled and pointed. "That's Bethy there."

He looked then groaned. "I recognize the hair," the guy growled.

Xander grinned. "If I call her over she'll try to pet you. All the minis are like that." The man stared at him. "No, she's got her daddy's gifts too. She's going to be our go-between for the upcoming battle in a week that's going to start off by attacking you guys and then everyone else. Because that way someone can talk to her dad for a few days without anyone nagging her about it. Buffy can be like that ya know." He freed him. The guy lunged at him so Xander stunned him again. "Do you want to end up as a poodle?" He grinned. "I can do that."

"No," he growled. "Let me go and I'll call."

"Cool. Thanks." Xander unstunned his upper half. "That enough?" The guy muttered but did call in. "Her grandad can come talk too as long as he's peaceful. Because I'll send him into heat near the Rosenburg Kitty so she takes care of it." The guy shuddered. "The slayers are staying the hell out of both sides, but this time we're warning you before we all have a huge apocalypse battle that starts with your team. Personally, my side is protecting the kids that neither side wants to protect. They only care if they can do battle things." The guy stared at him. Xander stared back. "There's plenty of kids like me who have no tactical use but could grow up to be good people. Unfortunately both sides treat them like they're a burden."

"Some of us don't."

"No, some of you attack orphanages because half of them are normal kids." He stared at him. The guy growled. "Bethy, he's got puppy growling problems," he called. She squealed and came over to meet him and possibly pet him. The guy swatted at her but she pinned him and petted him anyway. She even got knots out of his mane for him. Logan walked off shuddering because girls were just wrong at that age. He didn't want to see her killed.

Xander looked over as a breeze went past. "Hey, Dad, can you stop that zipping around for a minute?" Bethy called. "Because we gotta talk about you and condom failures. I've met my other four half-siblings." She went back to the knots, smiling at the growling guy. "He really needs better condoms. Especially since I met most of my half-siblings in the ER because something happened around them. We seem to draw probability problems." Xander nodded quickly, catching the guy speeding around them with a spell net. She giggled. "We need that in high school."

"You'd use it to embarrass the idiot girls. Not a chance because that's not ethical. You have a mind, think your way out of it."

"Yes, Xander," she sighed. She walked over to the guy, staring at him. "Your condoms sucked, Dad. I've met my four other half-siblings and they all agreed your condoms sucked. Even if two of their mothers slept with you because they're superhero groupies, yay. Better condoms before I get like twenty more half-siblings. Please?" She grinned.

He spluttered. "What?" he demanded. "How are you doing this?"

"I'm not. Xander is. He's our normal guy but someone gave him magic recently." She pointed. "I'm Bethy, one of the mini slayers. And I inherited some of the speediness. Not as fast but still pretty darn fast. And somehow all of us inherited our aunt's probability problems too." She scowled but cleared it up. "She got so confused when she saw me but didn't even say hi."

"I...." He shook his head quickly. "Can I be let go of?" he called.

"Yeah, in a minute." Xander looked at the guy. "Grandad can come too as long as he's peaceful and nice. I don't want to have to make more pets tonight. I've still got sword katas to do." He walked over there. "Two things, you were going to meet her this summer but she decided to move it up so she could meet you before the green skinned guy took out all your team. He's going to start with the bad guys and move over to the rest of humanity. She decided she'd get to talk to you by being the information go-between. I decided she's going to Canada at the first sign of trouble." He grinned at her. She huffed and rolled her eyes. "You're too young to do anything but protect yourself."

"I know," she sighed, looking up. "Hey, a flying guy."

Xander looked up and waved. "Hey." He looked at her. "Second, she's got both sides and she could use some advice on training that I can't give her and the slayer essence can't give her. There's two other slayers with mutant gifts that we're working on integrating things so they're safer. Like the rest of the Council, we're on the side of the kids that're getting picked on for being born and not needed for combat." He stared at him. "You make her cry and I'm going to let her beat you to death," he muttered. "Then make you her pet." He unfroze the guy. He walked off. "So," he said with a grin. "Green skinned guy." He pulled an envelope out to let the growling one see that.

"That's all we've found on him. He should be showing up next week and going for someone powerful on your side. He's technically a chaos being from, we think, another planet. Not totally sure if he's not from one of the other nine realms. All we know is he'll find a powerful guy, he'll try to take them out, and then he'll go after everyone else. Last time he got stopped by a kid that decided to idolize him and clung to his leg while he was walking through a carnage he had caused. He took the kid home to train." He shrugged. "Now he's back."

"Is that Apocalypse?" the growling one asked.

"No, he's blue skinned. We have a prophecy of him coming but it looks like in about two years unless he's sidetracked somehow." He felt the breeze before the hit but then again he could teleport. He stared at the speedy one with a grin. "Don't try me. You won't like it. Considering what I did to full blown invasions in Africa, I'm not the nice fairy. The only ones I'm nice to are the slayers." He stared at him. "Are you throwing away your chance at being a dad?"

"No, Xander. He's just mad." She shrugged. "I'd be mad too if I just found out I had five kids. Thankfully we got them away from both sides so they're safer. That way we're not pawns." She smirked at her father's glare. "Someone tried. And oh my god did they pay too."

Xander grinned and nodded. "Yes, they did." The growling one shuddered. He looked and waved Bethy over. "Incoming someone. I can hear them." She jogged over and pounced her father with a 'ha' of pleasure. "They're girls, they do that. Even to me," Xander quipped with a hand wave. "Slayers are to be normal girls as much as possible."

"Can you tell me where my auntie got that really neat jacket, Dad?" Bethy asked. "It looked kinda cool."

"Hot Topic probably," he said, looking confused. "I don't remember your mom."

"She remembered you. Something about measles."

"Oh, damn," he moaned, shaking his head. "Okay." He looked at her. "Get off."

"Nope. I'm protecting you."

"You're a kid," Xander and her dad said together. "That's my job." He glared at Xander.

Xander stared back. "I'm the protector of all the slayers, Speedy. Even that one. If you wanna help, the girls wouldn't mind having other guys to ask questions about guy things to. I sure can't answer about punk little bastards who think making out in a car is all that." He shrugged and looked at the guy who landed. "Yup, what's wrong?" he called.

"What are you doing?" the man demanded.

"Letting her talk to her dad. She's just introduced herself." He shrugged. "She was going to meet him this summer but she thought he might be dying soon with the guy who's coming to attack so...." He waved a hand. "I'm protecting her from others hurting her."

"I'd make ogre pretzels," Bethy said, glaring at him. "You're interrupting my touching family moment, dude. Do you mind?"

"I left the same information at Avengers tower with a receptionist," Xander said. "She said she'd send it up to the office."

"Damn it," he muttered. "Is this really wise?"

"It'll hit them first," Xander said. "She wanted to meet her father and decided she'd be the one to tell them about it. I'm only here to protect her tiny, stubborn ass. She's a girl and has girl plans but that doesn't cover everything."

"Great. Thanks." He flew off, going back to the tower.

"Who was that?" Bethy asked.

"The flying guy is one of the side-Avengers," Xander told her. "He's kinda there sometimes."

"Oh, okay."

"He seems to be an okay guy, works with soldiers who're coming back from wars, but I have no idea how he'd react to you girls and your duty."

"I can handle that if he butts in again," she decided, cuddling her father. "The others wanted to know if you wanted to meet them too. We talk on a mailing list when we're not grounded. Diana is grounded a lot because that probability thing keeps getting her in trouble. We think she should get a letter to Hogwarts." Xander snickered, shaking his head. "No magic?"

"In Diana? No. We had her tested when her mom brought her to the local house. Kennedy said she's not a slayer or a witch but she does show a weird gift that she's not sure about. So I'm guessing she only inherited the mutant side."

She nodded. "That's cool. But magic is still really cool too."

He grinned. "Sucking up to me won't get you ice cream later. I doubt we'll be back in time for curfew so you'll have to beg for ice cream tomorrow."

"Fine. He's so uptight," she sighed to her father. "We have curfew, he checks our homework even if he doesn't understand it. He doesn't let us dress like Slayer Buffy. Mom was right, he's a big brother and dad figure."

"She's at the house right now because her mom broke her leg in three places," Xander said. "She's in traction in the hospital."

"Yeah, that car crash was so sucky," she sighed. "But I got to stomp on the drunk guy before the cops pulled me off him. He deserved it for hitting us."

"Yeah, you, don't brag about going to jump up and down on the unharmed drunk guy when you had two broken bones and a broken rib!" Xander told her, staring at her. "Not cool. He could've really hurt you because you're barely in self defense classes. For that, you call and I come stomp his ass because he damn sure wouldn't have hurt me like he could've you."

"I broke his hand when he tried to pat my ass," she defended.

"Yay," Xander shot back with a look. "You're too damn young. Call me, it's my job to stomp on assholes like that."

"Fine," she sighed, looking at her father. "He's so fussy sometimes."

"I would've taken the guy out for trying to touch you," he said.

"Wow, really?"

"Real men hate guys like that," the growly one said. "Can I be let free?"

Xander stared at him. "You try me or her and I'm turning you into a chihuahua. Got it?" He nodded with a grimace. Xander let him go free. They felt the air change and he looked up. "Get the fuck down here," he called. "You're keeping her up past her bedtime." The guy glared. Xander stared back. "Don't even. I heard what you did to that camp of mutant kids the other damn night. Thankfully the peaceful demon community saved them." The guy glared as he landed. Xander pointed. "Your granddaughter I do believe."

"Yeah, she is," Bethy quipped. "Hi, Grandad. I decided to meet you now instead of going on a summer trip to meet you just in case the upcoming battle kills you." She grinned. "There's a few of us. We use a mailing list to talk to each other."

"What?" he demanded, taking off his helmet.

"His condoms sucked," she said dryly. "There's five of us that we know of. We all met in the ER because of that strange probability thing we inherited."

"You're a mutant?"

"And a mini slayer," she said dryly. "I inherited some of Dad's speed." She shrugged. "It means more training time." Xander nodded. "That way I don't have it used against me and I know how to use it to save my own butt." Xander nodded again with a grin. "Though I don't start real training in more than self defense for another six years."

"You bet. No training in anything but self defense until you're sixteen. That's the slayer rules," Xander said dryly. "It's for all of you. Learn them, live by them, and survive by them."

"Fine," she sighed, flapping a hand. "Does that mean that the slayer spirit prompts us to have horrible boyfriends?"

"I have no idea if Buffy's spirit in the slayer essence prompts that or not. Penny's is good. Kara's is good. Kennedy's a miserable cunt so she dates other ones." She giggled. "She is." He rolled his eyes. "At least Willow's no longer hitting her with lightening each time she goes outside."

"Can she do that as the Willow kitty?"

"You know, I don't know," he said dryly. "No clue. If so she'll be like Salem some year."

"A talking cat that helps a witch by offering bad advice?" she guessed.

"Yeah, kinda. She's still mad I caught her plan to have me declared dead so she could get Anya's old spell books."

"What is going on here?" the grandfather yelled.

She looked at him. "I'm your granddaughter. Can't you keep up?" He glared at her.

"Don't bait him. He'll be mean," her father said. He looked at Xander. "Are you a mutant?"

"I can find metal things." He shrugged. "I'm the slayer's protector. I argued with her about this idea for six days." He laughed but nodded. "She inherited some stubborn somewhere."

She hopped down and walked over to stare up at her grandfather. "It's not your fault he didn't use good condoms. Yelling at us kids for existing isn't exactly a good thing either. Unless you want to make an arch enemy?" She stared up at him. "Some day I'll be fighting for this whole world. Including you and my half-siblings. Wouldn't you really rather I knew what good families were like?"

"He's not the guy who raised me," her father said.

She shrugged, looking back at him. "That's okay. He's still alive so he can fix that if he wants." The guy grabbed her and picked her up. Xander winced but before he could move she kicked him in the head and flipped when he dropped her. She stared at him. "I am in self defense because things come for mini slayers, Granddad. I may not have the full download yet, but I've got enough to handle myself if something evil comes for me. Unlike you, who have a huge target painted on your back by the evil guy coming next week." She walked off. "I'll give him time to process before I talk to him. That way he gets the wall kicking and all that out of the way. You could come stay with me so you don't get growled at." She grinned. "The others really would like to meet you and auntie." She gave him a hopeful look.

"I have no idea how to do that."

She grinned. "We have playtimes sometimes. You can show up." She hugged him around the waist. "We'd like that. Even if you can't be a really close dad sort, we'd like to get to know you anyway. You're half of what made us, we should get to know how weird we're going to end up."

He laughed but nodded. "I can see that."

She grinned. "Before the battle so you don't die during it?"

"I'm not going to die," he said, looking at Xander.

"None of the visions have shown a definitive death count." He shrugged. "I'm hoping some other kid takes his worshiping up and he takes them to raise instead of kicking asses. His minions and friends are going to be hard enough to battle without him."

He took that information to look over, grimacing. "That's going to suck."

"Yup," Xander agreed. "Especially since the Powers That Be prompted a few of the old liners to take out a few of the slayers." He sighed. "I so took them out if they weren't under arrest." Bethy hugged him. "I know they tried with you but you managed to get away. That's a great thing. I'm glad he didn't get any of you minis." He gave her a hug.

"We'll make it through. Even if only one slayer remains we'll handle it like we used to when there was only one called and the Council were bad guys. Besides, Miss Cordelia and Whistler both said the PTB would send you back to one of us to help us with vision things like Mr. Doyle used to have."

Xander smirked. "The Powers hate me, Bethy. I screwed up their prophecies by making them work. That'd be a reward. They're more likely to have me fall during a battle where I'm ripped into pieces in front of you girls."

"Hey!" her father complained.

"They tried that already and you beat it," she said with a grin for him. "They're not that predictable. The Powers are stupid like teenage girls. They're still pouting about zits and shoes." She hugged her father. "They sugar coat things for us but some of us minis got into the field report folder by accident one day."

"Willow put it up as accessible accidentally on purpose," Xander said. "For which Giles sent her back to the coven to deal with. Again."

"They need to spank more often," Bethy said. "It'd help."

Xander nodded. "Often. But some of them are real nice."

"I know. Miss Tara's a great witch. We adore Miss Tara." Xander nodded. "She's a role model we should look up to according to Slayer Faith."

"Faith had her problems but she rebuilt herself after facing them," Xander said. "I don't want you to look up to her for the bad things that she went through but for the strength she showed for handling the problems she created and others that were forced on her."

"I can do that," she agreed. She looked up at her father. "You'd like Faith. She's really practical. Kinda smartassed too." She grinned. "She's a great auntie sort that told us to not wear skirts like Buffy."

"That's always a good idea," Xander agreed. "Including not wearing heels on patrol."

"That's dumb," Bethy complained. "Who would want to wear the pretty shoes on a cemetery patrol? They'd get messy!" She hugged her father again, reaching over to the growling one. "I missed a knot," she said with a grin.

"Stop it," he ordered. "I'm not a pet."

"You'd make a nice one." She grinned. "I wouldn't let the other minis or full slayers put bows on you or anything." Xander walked off giggling. "They're mean that way but I'd stop them."

"Not my thing," he said, straightening up. "Thanks anyway."

"Pity. If you want petted, just let us know. We could all use some stress petting because kids in school are stupid and mean sometimes."

"You're being bullied?" her father asked.

"Hell no. They don't wanna try me. I took the commandment that my mind is my best weapon to heart and I made them sorry the last time they tried me or one of my friends. She was horribly embarrassed when her private emails to her boyfriend ended up on her facebook page." She grinned. "One of my buddies can do that."

"That's good to know," he said, staring down at her but smiling slightly. "Your mind is your best weapon?"

"Yeah. It's a slayer rule. Our mind is our best weapon because thinking through problems will help us not die, which is the first rule. There is no dying for slayers without permission and it's never a good day to die. We're not Klingons."

He hugged her. "I like how warped you are, Bethy." She grinned and kissed him on the cheek. "We'll work on getting to know each other, and the other four."

"Cool!" She hugged him around the neck then grinned at her grandfather. "You can get to know me too if you want," she offered with a shy grin. "I'm not a mean girl."

"I..." He cleared his throat. "This is not the time nor the place for this discussion."

"It is because bad guys are coming to kill you," she said dryly. "We're all hoping that the battles in a week are less than the visions said. I don't want to go into hiding."

"Tough," Xander called.

"Fine. Be that way then."

"Yup, I sure am too," her father quipped with a smile. "Pity."

"You're a dad. You can do that. He's our big brother and normal guy." Xander stared back at her. "You are."

"I'm going to paddle you for picking up Buffy's normal guy thing."

"Oops. Well, you're not a slayer."

"And yet I've been in all the bigger battles that even slayers couldn't get to," he shot back with a smirk. "Including fighting right beside a lot of the slayers. Normal is relative to training and desire to be there. Being normal isn't lesser. Being born with a gift doesn't make you that special. There's *thousands* of mutants on this plane, Bethy."

"I know," she sighed. "I'm not getting the ego problem Buffy and Willow have, Xander. I promise I'm not."

"Good!"

"I'm sorry." She ran over to hug him then came back to her father to hug him. "They were teenage girls around him and really mean. So he went to Africa and handled a whole bunch of huge stuff that the slayers couldn't. He even got bad guys like pirates into a few battles."

"Wow," he said, looking at Xander, who shrugged.

"Had to happen if the world was going to keep going on."

"We are superior, boy," her grandfather complained.

She looked at him. "If that's true them I'm a whole lot more special than all of you for being a mutant and a slayer." She stared him down. "Everyone has gifts, even if they don't realize it. Some are more powerful but if they're not protecting the ones who need it then they're misusing them. That's the point of having the power, to use it to help people who need it. Like the little mutant kids do. I go down to the local orphanage for them to help with homework and stuff. I'm a good role model and a great big sister to a lot of them because they need it. They don't get it from you." She stared at him then at her father. "Do you do that?"

"I haven't but I've thought about it." She scowled. "I ...maybe I can start doing that. I don't want to go to the school though."

She snorted and flapped a hand. "Less than one percent of all of us go to that school or any other one. Those of us without combat skills aren't picked up for that. They're left to flounder and be picked on by bigots. Or used as cannon fodder by some others. I'd hate that."

"I'd hate that too," he said. "You're really socially responsible."

"Slayers are role models." She shrugged. "Mom said so."

"She's right," he agreed. "You are." She grinned and cuddled in again. "Yeah, we need to protect the little ones from all that stuff. They should be able to grow up as normal as they can."

Xander nodded. "I've pointed that out to the high and mighty mind fucker too." The grandfather gave him a horrified look. "I talked to a few of the demon community too." He shrugged. "The girls have to be socially responsible."

"Yeah, I can see that." He looked at his daughter, who had just yawned. "How about you go to bed for the night and I'll see you after that battle?"

"You're going to come find me in hiding in Canada?"

"I can do that, or I can see you when you get back."

She stared at him. "You can't do that if you get dead so live by the slayer rules, Dad."

"I always try. Getting dead would suck." He hugged her. "Go sleep. You did good, kiddo."

She grinned, tucking a card into his shirt. "That's my email." She winked and hopped down, hugging the growling one. "Remember, little girls are cute to make life look prettier, even if you're stuck in the dark. We're like nightlights." She smiled up at him. "You can come visit too. Slayers see all sorts of mean, nasty things and some we pet." She ran over to Xander, hopping onto his back. "This way I'm not in the way if someone tries to mug you again."

"That's fine. Later, guys. See you after the battle." He nodded and walked off with her. He let her babble about her half-siblings.

Pietro looked at his biological father then at Sabertooth. "Thanks for not hurting her."

"She was being cutesy, not threatening. That guy, he's dangerous, he even smells dangerous, but she's just a little girl with a smart mouth. She gets it naturally."

Pietro smiled and nodded. "She did. How are we handling that threat?"

"We'll warn the others," Sabertooth said, looking at Magneto. "Won't we?"

"Fine. I want to know more of this young man. He is not in my plans."

Logan cleared his throat from a bit away. "He looked at Chuck and ripped him a new one for not doing anything to help the more helpless young mutants, like group homes and orphanages being set up so they're not in the regular system. He's real firm on how he's protecting the girls and then the rest of us. He's handled things that we all think he should've probably called in help for but none was there." He shifted his stance. "Harris is a good guy, a strong guy with strong ideal. Bethy will be safe if he can make sure of it."

"He's the guy with the battle axe at the last battle," Pietro said. Logan smirked and nodded. "Wow."

"He's got some skills. He trained with axes. He spent five years in Africa handling things for the slayers while training them. I called one of the other slayers. Bethy came up with this idea when no one could find you guys. She was going to go on a train trip this summer and suddenly find you and kidnap you onto the train so you had to talk to her. She had it all plotted out. Used it for her lesson in tactics for escaping."

"Who's training her?"

"She goes to the same gym that Castle goes to." Logan smirked. "I found out and called him. Punisher called her a mouthy, smart little girl with a sucky future of being a slayer but he expects her to live a long time."

"Thanks," Pietro said. "Her mom?"

"Car crash with the drunk? She broke that guy in ways that the crash didn't. He's still in the hospital too, just on the prison ward." He grinned. "She's a strong little girl but if you break her heart she'll cry on Xander and he'll summon something to eat you." He walked off. "Watch out for his poker debts too. They're mostly peaceful but they can do things like give him paralyzing snot." He lit a cigar.

"Why do we suddenly associate?" Magneto sneered. "They have an appointed duty."

"She's got both," Pietro reminded him. "And if it'll save us, I'm going to listen to some information on this battle. Even though she could've found me without it." He walked off, then sped off to follow them back to the slayer house. He wanted to watch over them for a bit. Plus find his sister to talk to her. She would probably be happy to be an aunt. She'd help him get his mind around having five kids too because that was freaking him out.

She was apparently on the couch to sleep but Harris went to the connected building to do some updating work. So the slayer house was expanding somewhat.

***

Xander cackled in glee. "Pay up, babies, pay up." He swept the winnings toward him then grinned at the demons he was playing with. "Thanks, guys. The girls took my bank card to find ice cream last night." They all groaned but nodded they knew how that happened. Xander looked at the woman staring at him from a nearby bench. "You can join in, Miss."

"I wanted to talk to you," she said quietly with a soft, accented voice.

He winked at his tablemates before getting up and taking his soda with him to the bench. "Bethy kinda looks like you too."

She stared at him. "She is his? She was tested?"

He nodded. "Her mom asked us to. Tara scried him and stole some hair for the test." He settled in beside her. "She's a good girl. Bit mouthy, has a slight ego problem, but she's usually a very good girl."

"Why is she not with her mother?"

"Her mom was in a car crash. She's in traction."

"Oh. That's reasonable. I'm worried about the way the girls used to be raised."

"I'm one of the ones helping make sure those old ways don't come back." She nodded, relaxing some. "We do have some orphans thanks to the apocalypse that got them all activated. They're still supposed to mostly be normal little girls. They can't even start training about demons until they're sixteen. The only thing they're allowed before then is self defense training and that's good for any girl." She smiled and nodded. "You can meet her. She'd adore it. She wanted to know where you got that jacket."

"I borrowed it," she admitted. She pushed her hair back. "She has good things?"

"Yeah. Her mom's great," Xander said with a grin. "She's real supporting. She lets her play with the other mini slayers in the area when they want to get together to complain about the big slayers not telling them things. She plays with her five half-siblings."

"Five?" she squeaked, staring at him. "I thought four."

"We found another one last night in the ER after patrol." He shrugged. "For guys, it only takes a few minutes." She blushed but nodded. He grinned. "You're safe with me. I'm not that sort of guy. I'm a real protective one. Especially over the slayers. I'm the guy who threatens boyfriends too."

She nodded. "Sometimes that's a good idea." She looked around then at him. "You play with them?"

"The Council, the *new* Council, appreciates and likes the peaceful community. They handle themselves, they don't cause problems, and they tell us if they find problems. As long as they're peaceful there's no problem with any of the girls. Well, a few of the girls are a bit warped and mean but I've kicked them around about that and we tell the peaceful communities about them just in case." She nodded. He pointed. "That's Jorge, he's one of the area leaders to keep parts of the community safe." He grinned. "They've helped the younger mutant kids too."

"That's good," she agreed. "They could use it."

"They could. I've pointed that out to a few people." A few of the demons nodded. "They're helpless little kids who had no more choice in that than the slayers did of being chosen. No one deserves the sort of hell those kids go through."

"You're one," she said, looking at him.

He grinned. "I am and I had a whole other type of hell. Mine had nothing to do with my mutation."

She nodded. "I've heard of parents like that." She cleared her throat. "Did she sneak out?"

"Yeah but she went with two of the girls to the mercenary bar to talk up one of the older slayers to a few of the guys. She's being cranky so the minis went to find her a boyfriend." She burst out laughing. "The minis are a bit mouthy but they're generally good girls."

"He mentioned probabilities?"

"Yeah, a few of the siblings are real probability generators. Even worse than I am." She stared at him. "I'm told I'm like the butterfly in the chaos theory."

"Oh. I can change them."

"You might want to talk to Diana then. She could really use that. Last night she had a young warrior from Asgard fall into her lap, literally, from a misprimed portal. He's thirteen and a dick, especially to her, but she beat him up and sneered about him being a boy thing. If it could happen to anyone, it'd happen to Diana or me. I had her paternity run just in case she was mine." She giggled but patted him on the wrist. "If you want to talk to Bethy, I'll gladly arrange it. She could use good family. Her mom's great but she's going to be in the physical rehab hospital for another month at the least. Plus it'll help give her something to focus on before this huge battle."

"I've seen that information sheet."

"I left it with them so they could pass it around. She was going to meet her father this summer by kidnaping him onto a train but the battle made her worry."

"I can see why. She'll be safe?"

"All the local minis are being evacuated to Canada."

"That's good." She looked around then at him. "There's two others in here."

He looked and nodded. "That's Kara, and that's Bethy next to her. Short thing, aren't you too young?" he called.

"I'm not drinking," Kara called. "And she wanted to do some tracking exercises." She grinned at him. "She did good."

"That's great." He waved her over. Bethy bounded over, standing in front of her aunt bouncing on the balls of her feet. "I don't think I need to introduce her."

"Hi," Bethy said, sticking out a hand. "I'm Bethy, your niece. You're kinda pretty. Where did you get that cool jacket?"

Wanda smiled, shaking her hand. "I'm Wanda and I borrowed it. I'll ask to see where she got it."

"Cool!" She gave her a hug. "The other half-siblings and I have a mailing list we chat on and we get together for playtimes if you'd like to join us."

"I can do that," she agreed, brushing some of the salt-and-pepper hair off the girl's cheek. "You have your dad's hair."

"Half and half. It's mixed in," she said with a grin. "But it's pretty cool. Even if some other girls are stupid about it. Then they get picked back at." She smirked. "I don't let bullies work on me."

"Good," Xander agreed. He stood up. "I'm going to talk to Kara." She nodded, taking his seat to talk to her aunt. He walked over to the bar, nodding at the bartender. "She wanted to do some tracking?" he asked quietly.

"She was bored," Kara said quietly. "She trained with Colossus earlier. Piotr was sweet to help her." She sipped her coffee. "Someone spotted the green skinned guy earlier. He showed up in Italy."

"Did you put that out there?"

"Yup, and called Penny so she could tell her man too. We're pulling together for that. The girls over there are watching since they don't think they could handle taking him on."

"I don't think many could," Xander agreed. "We're going to need all the artillery we can get for his buddies, beyond even him." He finished his soda. "Meeting?"

"Tomorrow. With SHIELD dudes."

"Well, if HYDRA wants to fall in, they can come save themselves too then disappear." She grinned but nodded. "Anyone else know?"

"No. Not yet."

Xander cleared his throat. "Guys, the green skinned guy was spotted earlier," he announced. "So the battle's in five days." They all nodded and got back to their poker hands.

"I'm not ready to go yet," Bethy called.

"That's in two days," he called back.

"Okay. Thanks, Xander." She looked at her aunt. "I know I'm not big enough for the battle but it sucks I have to go hide that way."

"It's safer," she said. "So it does not come for you." She patted her on the knee. "We would hate to lose you after just meeting you."

"I'm not worried about me but Dad's in a shitload of a bad spot," Bethy complained.

"Sometimes that happens but he is very skilled at getting out of the way." Bethy grinned and nodded, relaxing again. She could like this aunt thing going on. It was pretty neat. And she didn't mention the homework she hadn't done yet.

***
Part 2 by Voracity2
Xander walked into the meeting room, seeing the glares. "What now?" he asked dryly.

"You used a kid," Stark started.

"No, that was *her* plan to meet her dad." He sat down. "Not mine. I tried to talk her out of it for six days. She was going to meet him this summer by kidnaping him while on a train trip."

Stark looked up and shook his head. "Can't you control the girls?"

"They're not slaves, Stark, or robots. They're human beings with their own free will. I can advise, I can talk them out of it things, but I am not and will not be putting leashes on them. I'm not the old Council." He winced at that reminder. "Now, anything else or can we get down to business? The green skinned guy was spotted yesterday."

"Why didn't you tell us before this?" Stark demanded.

"Did you not see that I date stamped the envelope I left for you guys with the information? Or that I told them it was about this battle? Don't yell at me when your people don't pass up information." He stared at him. "I could've emailed but HYDRA has your emails locked down. Otherwise I would've the day before I dropped it off. Now, are you done sounding like a bitchy teenage girl before a dance? Because, frankly, I've got to make sure the minis in the danger areas are all evacuated by tonight and the local ones by tomorrow."

"I did not see that," Stark said coolly. "Why are they still here?"

"So they can spend more time with their parents and families. It's not dangerous for them yet. They're leaving before the danger can get here, by a few days before it should happen. I take more care with the minis than you do with your robots." He stared at him. "By the way, I've been doing this a hell of a lot longer than you have, so pull in the 'tude about me not having special gifts, Stark. I get enough of that from the slayers and then have to prove them wrong. They hate it when I have to stop something like an apocalypse battle without them." Flinching was done by a few. "Very few of you have been doing it longer than I have and if they have ideas I'll listen to them. You...if you have ideas, put them in but I'm not dealing with the special boy thing you got going on this morning. Go take some midol, dude." He stared him down. "Now, we done with the 'Xander's a normal guy' thing you had going on?"

"Whatever."

"Thank you." He looked down the table. "Last night one of the old liners remembered a book from his boyhood reading on Societies of the Fey and found one of them's description." He passed that down. "Which means that they'll be the one in London probably since their powers would be more useful and he's from near there."

Steve Rogers looked it over, grimacing. "That's olde english."

"Yeah, it was hand copied," Xander admitted. "We've been through a lot of the hidden books looking for things but apparently the last time they showed up the Council just curled up and ignored it." He shifted to look at Fury. "What, I can see it on your face so just spew, Fury."

"You talked with Sabertooth and he didn't kill you?" he asked dryly.

Xander grinned. "Bethy got the knots out of his hair for him and he just growled after I froze him." Fury groaned and shook his head. "She's got the power of mouthy. It's real strong with that mini."

"Does she have both sides?" Fury asked.

"Yup and she already knows people will try to use her so she won't let them. Someone already tried and she ruined them with some of her buddies. Apparently one's a hacker."

"Great," Fury said dryly. "Really. How did she come into being?"

"According to Bethy, his condom choices sucked."

Fury shook his head with a sigh. "Wow. She's real blunt," Steve said.

"Yeah, but she's been a New Yorker for most of her life," Xander said dryly, smiling at him. "She's ten. She's real blunt most of the time."

"Does she have siblings?" Fury asked.

"No comment. I wouldn't want that done to mine, I'm not doing it to his family."

"Fine. That's fine," Fury agreed. That wasn't a war he was going to die winning so he'd get that information some other way.

"Though I am told that someone told Bethy about hero groupies."

Fury hit his head on the back of the chair, just nodding. "Figures."

"Her mom, they had a party or something she said." Xander shrugged but grinned. "She's really happy that he only freaked out a bit and her grandfather was a dick but she's okay with that."

Fury sat up, staring at him. "She met her grandfather?"

"He flew down to see what was going on when growly told him to." Xander smirked. "She totally got onto him about a few things. Especially when he said he was more special. She pointed out she's got both gifts so that made her more special than him. She kicked him when he picked her up to sneer at her too. Bethy's very sure she can handle most everything and I was there in case it got out of hand. There's things that aren't magnetic and are faster than her dad."

"Point," Fury agreed dryly. "You have wacky ideas."

"That seem to usually work," Xander agreed. He smiled. "Aren't you glad? Otherwise you would've been dead as a resistance member to the new demonic overlords years ago."

"Whatever," Fury repeated. "This one?" Steve handed down the information. "That is ancient english." He read it over, frowning some. "So he wants to take over?"

"Yeah," Xander agreed. "Which means he'll have to do something to the shrine under London on the West end. Not the one I found to Dionysus but the other one to the Fey under the West end." Fury stared at him, mouth open. "I wondered about the powers that were giving me funny feelings so I went to look. It's a really pretty shrine." He shrugged. "I don't go near the Fey ones. I know what they feel like and for some reason the hellmouth energy I carry gives them headaches so they get mad. I asked what they were mad about while fighting off a few in lower Congo. Or whatever they decided to call it the last time. I'm horrible at geography sometimes."

Fury blinked a few times then shook his head with a sigh. "Hellmouth energy?"

"Yeah. I carry a lot of it. I wear shielding things to make sure I don't ooze it over others." He pointed at a tattoo on his arm. "It helps. I don't look like such a tasty treat. Thankfully it's a mystical one so it self heals."

"Wonderful," Steve Rogers said. "Can that be used against someone?"

"If someone captures me to sacrifice me using one of six rites. Though they wouldn't get the full use since I don't fit the qualifications of the sacrificial being any more. I'm not an innocent, a blood innocent, or a screaming, crying girl sort. There's other rites to do that to me but it takes a good, long time of having me hostage and I'm not a cooperative one so they'd never win."

"Wouldn't most panicking people start screaming and/or crying?" Natasha asked him.

Xander nodded. "Probably. I just start swearing." He grinned. "I learned that faster than I did English. It's my native language until I met Willow."

"She does seem like the sort that would be horrified at a simple swear word," Natasha agreed. "Is she being turned back for this?"

"If we need to, but she's staying far away from me and the slayers. We don't want that chance. She's a moment of last resort. I'll try to help the coven summon mages from other realms first."

She nodded. "That's reasonable with her problems." She looked at Fury. "Do we have such last resort ideas?"

"If he has to summon Loki to save Earth, then I'm all for it and we'll capture him afterwards," Fury said dryly.

Xander grinned. "I can't promise it'll be him but there's some scary powerful mages up there according to the coven. Tara said they don't like that idea because they'd sneer at them for being simple witches."

"Probably," Natasha agreed. "Power below their level could do that." Xander nodded. "What of our native ones like that sorcerer?"

Xander grinned at her. "Did you get to hear that we had to talk to him about the differences in magic?" She slowly shook her head. "He didn't realize that he's just a guy who's using artifacts and not his personal strength to do magic. He thought there was no difference between him, Tara, and a mage. He got a bit of schooling thanks to myself, a few mages that showed up, and Dawnie."

Natasha blinked, then smirked slightly. "Is he better learned in that?"

"Somewhat. He still doesn't do traditional magic but we've heard he's looking into the differences. Ethan was one that showed up for that talk."

She nodded once. "The head priest of Janus would be different than one who goes after rogue witches."

"Yeah but his idea of rogue isn't exactly the same as everyone else's. He thought Tara was because she focused her gifts on herbalism and healing." Natasha groaned, shaking her head. "That was a second talk with him. With Giles that time. Giles explained what a rogue witch or sorcerer looked like then pulled out some of his past to point out how bad it could get. The sorcerer guy was not impressed but thoroughly horrified that people could do things like summon higher beings with their willpower and a few candles. Or less if you're Willow." He pointed outside where he had felt her appear.

She looked then sighed. "She got herself free?"

"Maybe. Kennedy may have made a wish to heal her. We had an idea that her mom made a wish to make Willow more normal as she saw it. But that was after she nearly burned her on a stake thanks to a demon." He shrugged and looked. "You can come in, Willow." She huffed but walked in. "Kennedy?" She nodded. "They clear the other problem?"

"They said it's too ingrained so I'd have to fight it." She sat down. "What's going on? Buffy's giving me horrified looks."

"That's because you helped get a few of the slayers dead," he said bluntly. "Your protections being not there also led to the safe storage vault being looted." She winced. "Also, your protections on the stairs to the girls' rooms didn't cover things like rape, just casual sex. Most of the girls would give you that same look." He slid down the notes he had. "That's what's coming in about five days."

She looked it over, grimacing. "That sucks. How do we stop it?"

"Four huge battles if we're luckier than usual," Xander said bluntly. "London's will have to take more magic." She slumped but nodded. He looked at Fury again. "Anyway, the one here in town, we should be able to track the proto-portal when it opens. Those things can take up to a few hours to fully open."

Willow cleared her throat. "It's that way I think. I can feel power gathering there."

Xander shook his head. "That's our native temple to someone higher up. It feels like the one in London." She grimaced but nodded. "I haven't went to look but the one in London was pretty nice."

"Great. To which demon?"

"That one was to Dionysus." She slumped, shaking her head. "The one here I'd have to say it was to another pleasurable instead of a practical deity."

"So not one of the crop growers or a war god, but to one that dealt with the less basic needs of humanity," Natasha said. Xander nodded with a grin. "That makes sense. Can we look at it to see if it should be moved?"

"You probably can't move them without destroying them," Xander said. "I'm guessing they're still at least slightly in use since they're still empowered. Temples without any users feel more subdued than ones in use."

"Interesting to note. Do you think we have a cult?"

"The Hellfire club used to pray to Dionysus," Stark said. Xander nodded. "Something like that?"

"The one in London is by the subway. It's off one of the minor stations but down the tube. It has a nice outer chamber with a reading room then a ritual cleaning room, a bedroom, and the temple."

"Huh," Stark said. "So ours could be that sort?"

"I'd say so. It may have been started by someone like a Hellfire club member. There were supposedly a few other groups with the same ideology of privilege and power means that you can do whatever you want that they originally had by the histories. There's a few still active here in New York. I ran into a master vampire who threatened to tell them on me for being here. I told him to go ahead because I could use a new lover and only the deadly or dangerous loved me the way I needed. The last I heard they had staked him for being a whiner." Stark laughed.

"Seriously. His past lovers look like a who's who of bad guys," Willow complained. She looked at him. "Arms dealers?"

"Yeah, they were good post and pre battle stress relief plus got me what I needed for battles." She groaned. "I'm surprised you're not shooting nastygrams about half of them being guys."

She grimaced. "Eww."

"So said the lesbian," Natasha said dryly. Willow shut up and looked down again. She smiled at Xander. "Personally, I find your male lovers to be more suitable to continue living and helping the girls than some of the females."

Xander nodded. "Sometimes they're really nice though. No one else kidnaped me to take care of my injuries and the other time to take care of my malaria like Mary did."

"Is she alive?" Natasha asked him.

"I tried to warn her since one of the battles will be near her camp but I didn't hear anything back. So I don't know. I kinda miss her. She'd love me helping a house. She hates to travel."

Natasha nodded. Fury was glaring at him then at Natasha so she opened up the proper file to show him. Fury glanced it over before looking at Xander. "Does HYDRA want you for that reason instead of the other?"

"I have no clue," Xander admitted. "None of them have tried to grope or kiss me when I had to kick their agents around. You can ask one if you want." He grinned. "The girls could turn them into minions instead. They all think they need minions until they can find good lovers." Willow glared at him. "Buffy told them I was her minion."

"Oh." She grimaced. "Eww."

"Penny's husband really liked that idea when she told him. He giggled like he was on shrooms."

"She's...married?"

"Yeah. They ran to Vegas. He was planning on kidnaping her to Vegas and then she started to routinely hurl. He vowed to her that he wanted her even if she couldn't have the baby. I like that about him. He's a great guy and I like how good they are together. He's helping move some of the minis and her out of harm's way for this one."

"That's good I guess. Is Buffy still single?"

"No clue. I introduced her to some nice mercenaries a few times. I guess it's up to her if she wants something with them or not."

"Huh." She slumped again. "That's nice I guess. They'd probably understand things." Xander nodded. "Huh." She went back to the notes. "Why didn't you get into the Book of the Damned Higher Powers?"

"No one can find it," he said dryly. "Or any copy of it. You burned yours. Giles can't find his. We think one of them may be in there but no one could find it for the last month."

"I burned mine?"

"Yeah."

"When?"

"Something about plasma fires done wrong....no idea outside of you barely managed to not burn the house down with your room when you were trying to build a perpetual altar fire."

"Oh, that day. I forgot about that day." She sighed. "I'll help him look. It can only help. Are you going to be doing arms master work during it?"

He gave her a funny look. "No, I'm going to be leading New York's battle. Falling back to London's if I have to and there's time since that one will take more magic but less weapons. Italy's is being run by Prosovich, who is dating Cindy again. I talked to him and he vowed he'd be there even if she dumped him because she got scared of his nightmares again. Marty's vowed to give him kids some year if he wants for taking that one from her since he's a lot better at battles than she is. LA's is being headed by Buffy and Connor. I'm hoping the SHIELD guys have someone to back up Prosovich and Cindy.

"They've got the fewest allies to call on thanks to the Vatican having hissy fits when they couldn't get the slayers out of Italy and the old liners reminding them that they used to kidnap mages to make them work for them. We have some allies here and probably even some agents outside the ones in here. LA has some too and the peaceful community is stronger out there so they can probably help like they did during the invasion. London's got a strong agent and peaceful community who'll step in to help and then complain about the mess. Italy could use more help."

"I can go to Italy," Willow said.

"Prosovich has a shoot on sight order on you," Xander told her. "Let me tell him first so you don't get shot as soon as you show up." She nodded. He sent that text and got back a 'I'll let her live through the battle then she has to leave' message back. He showed her. She nodded. He pointed at the notes. "This one's going to be in Italy we think. Halfway needing magic because he's got godly protections. He's the main guy and the other four are his minions and friends." She nodded, taking that to go look up. He sighed, looking at Natasha. "Thank you for not smiting her."

"I would never take out a useful ally before a battle, Xander. Even if I do not trust that one."

Xander nodded. "Me either," he admitted quietly.

"What sort of problems?" Steve Rogers asked.

"She's addicted to her magic," Xander said. "Like any addict she likes the thrill of the power rushing through her when she uses it. It blinds her to a lot of things she shouldn't do and it makes her do stupid things to try to get more. Like trying to declare me dead to get my former fiance's things. If you've ever heard of her parents you realize where it comes from."

"I read her mother's books while doing her profile for SHIELD," Natasha said. "I have never laughed so hard but I fear it gave me odd ideas at the same time. I had to purge them before I let it prejudice me. I had to resort to philosophy to clear my mind enough."

Xander nodded. "Yup, that sounds like her mom. But if you prove things to her, she hates it and stomps off like a little girl throwing a fit. She's very it's her way or no way and then she throws a loud fit."

"I read one," Stark said. "Couldn't get through it. Something about raising genius kids and how they were better at doing it themselves."

"Yeah, I remember that one," Xander agreed. "It was written just after they started to leave Willow at home for months on end." Stark winced, shaking his head with a sigh.
"She was seven. Their tour schedule got in the way of her school schedule."

"Wow, what great beings," Steve Rogers said dryly.

"I'll hand you the books," Natasha said. "She's very anti mutant."

"Her thing was God doesn't make mistakes, except mutants, gay people, and Catholics," Xander said dryly. "She apparently had a professional tiff with one of her fellow workers who was so she decided they're all slightly evil."

Natasha shook her head with a sigh. "I saw some of that in one of the books. Someone tried to tame her down."

"Willow's father kept repeating he married her for better or worse," Xander admitted.

Natasha nodded. "Could he not prescribe her something?"

"That's unethical. Even in Sunnydale."

"Wonderful," she sighed. "They had ethical rules?"

"The Mayor didn't want too many people who were able to think about what he was doing." He shrugged. "That's why our schools were so damn bad."

"Figures," she agreed. "Did you know UCLA has a project on the town?" He nodded. "Did you know they have a film exhibit that shows the battle at graduation?" He winced but nodded. "You look very nice with your former axe."

"Thank you." He smiled slightly. "But I still hate remembering that battle."

"I can see why but it was well done."

He tipped his head. "Thanks."

"Welcome." She looked at Fury, who was staring at her. "He had to lead the battle while Buffy distracted the ascended demon."

Xander cleared his throat. "He had to plan it the night before," he said quietly. "Giles didn't plan for spectators."

She winced. "Then that was better done than I considered, Xander."

"Thank you. That means a lot, Natasha."

Fury looked at him then at her again. "Do we have that film on file?"

"No, Willow hacked it years ago," Xander quipped.

Stark looked at him then hacked UCLA from his phone to pull it up. He let Steve and Fury see it. Stark stared at Xander. "What's that?"

"The guy that just turned into a giant pure demon? That's called an ascension rite. There's five ways that mean you turn giant, but each one has their own size. That's the largest version. Took him ninety years of rites and sacrifices."

Stark stared, his mouth open. "Are there others?" Steve asked.

Xander shrugged. "I can't monitor what people buy from wherever. We just react when we hear. Have there been others? Yeah, two since that one. One got ended by his cult in South America somewhere when he changed and they realized they were meant to be eaten first. The other one...I told a regional military how to kill it because I was too far away to help."

Fury's mouth opened. "What?" he demanded.

Xander shrugged. "I was a few countries away. Not like I could teleport then."

Fury huffed. "How do you do that now?" Xander held up his wand with a grin. "Why do you have that?"

"Because a few months ago I woke up to a few versions of myself that needed to share stuff so we'd all keep going on. It gave me magic." He grinned. "He was a cursebreaker who did a lot of library jobs." Fury stared, mouth slightly open. "It helps."

"I suppose it would," Steve Rogers agreed. "Another weapon." Xander grinned and nodded. "Does your Asgardian axe like it?"

"It doesn't mind. I've caught them laying together some mornings when the girls sneak in to play with them like they're dolls. My axe loves the girls but knows he's too heavy for most of them."

Stark rubbed his head. "I have a migraine."

"I'm not carrying anything but an herbal painkiller in case I get another vision," Xander said, holding up the tiny bottle. "If it'll help I can make more later."

"No thanks. I'll take the standard stuff and a few scotches." He looked at Fury. "Back to the battle?"

"Definitely." He looked at Natasha. "Is that in his file with us?"

"No. That way HYDRA can't get into it." Fury shook his head. They got back to the current battle. It was more important than baiting Xander like Stark had tried to do.

***

Xander looked at his girls later that night. "Kennedy wished for Willow back," he said quietly. "But the judgmental ass tendencies stayed." They all grimaced but a few nodded. "She'll be helping in Italy. Kara, do you want to be sent to LA or London?" She pouted. "I know you want to be with him but it took your focus last time and this time it's a worse battle and very little can really hurt him. If you can't focus you'll be dead. None of us want that."

"I know, Xander. I'll try harder but I'll worry myself worse if I can't see him."

Xander nodded. "Okay, I'll leave that in your hands but I need you fully focused on saving yourself and your sister slayers instead of your guy. He's gotta focus on his team too. Logan told me he's already noted that," he said dryly. She smiled slightly but nodded. "That's why there's pre-battle stress relief rituals, dear. Even I had them with Anya." She blushed, ducking her head down. "All right, any questions about the plan?"

Penelope raised her hand. "Where am I?"

"Going with the minis to protect them," he said dryly. "Because you're growing my next minion of spoiling."

She grinned. "You sure?"

"Yeah. I can trust you to ride herd on a bunch of little girls that'll prove to your husband why you want sons."

She laughed. "Yeah, I do want sons. I was a horrible little kid. I can help with weapons." He shook his head. "Okay. I need the thingy."

"He has the thingy."

"I can go hang on him then." She stood up to kiss him on the cheek. "You're cute but you don't get to die either."

He snorted, waving a hand. "I've got too much to do to die. If we win here I'm being sent to London." She shuddered. "Yeah, it'll be more magical in nature we think."

"Great. Have fun with Kennedy. Can Willow go there?"

"Why are you trying to punish England? Do you hate tea that much?" he quipped, smirking at her.

"Yeah, I kinda do since I can't drink coffee anymore." She left, going to tell her husband that. He was nicely at the bar with Bearpool. She texted Xander and he ended the spell. She smiled at him when he changed back. "Sorry, we've got a battle in five days and he needs all his magic back." He rolled his eyes. "But it's like a hell god who wants to kill everyone to make her magical throne of bones."

"Charming. Five days?"

She grinned and nodded. "Not even mostly magical. That's London's."

"Poor England. Kennedy and magical battles," he said dryly.

"Five days?" one of the other mercs said. "Slayer Penny?"

She smiled at him and nodded. "Yeah. I'm apparently helping move the minis." She put a hand on her stomach. "Xander decided I'm fragile."

"Congrats, but get away from me before I catch it and end up pregnant too," Deadpool said with a smile under his mask.

She leaned on him to kiss him on the cheek. "If you get pregnant I'll help you trap Rosenburg. She has plans to do that to Xander some day." She walked over to the other guys, pulling up a map on her phone. "We think it'll be here." She let them see it. "In just under five days. We'll have a proto portal starting a few hours before then. Oh, and Xander said that this was a shrine to the Fey communities and he hopes like hell they don't get mad at us defending it too." She looked at them. "They hate Xander because of his hellmouth energy taint." They all looked confused. "You'd have to ask him, guys."

"Does it do that to everyone?"

"No, just Xander."

"Great," they agreed, taking notes to pass on. "We'll fall in if we can and it'll help, Slayer Penny."

"Thanks, guys. The girls could use it this time. We even invited HYDRA if they wanted to help save themselves, as long as they didn't try anything against the girls and then disappeared again." She smirked. "If it's that desperate, Xander might just lead one of the battles to them instead. He did that to a group of militant yahoos in Africa."

"There's all sorts of rumors," Deadpool said, strolling over. "What's the real truth?"

She grinned. "You'd have to look at his report site. We slayers don't because it'll warp how we see Xander. Buffy still thinks he's normal." Deadpool shook his head with a sigh. "Yeah. Oh, cuteness," she told the other mercs with a grin. "Mini Milana told him if he got hurt she'd lend him her teddybear to make him feel better. She's already set it on his bed so he has it to cuddle in case he's scared." They all grinned. "She's four but she's already hell. Her mom's Candy."

"Candy Cane, the dancer at the Pipe of Flesh?" Deadpool asked.

"Yeah, her." Penny grinned at him. "She used to do martial arts movies then got an unfortunate habit she cleaned up for the sprout."

"Wow. I didn't know that. That's gotta be why none of the guys get handsy with her."

"Yeah because she breaks them," Penny agreed. "The same as I would." She poked him on the stomach. "I need to go learn to do that for my husband's pleasure. He's pouty today."

"Just put on something sexy and club dance like you're baiting," he said dryly. "Then take it off slowly." She giggled and headed off to do that for her guy. He looked at the others. "Let me know too, guys." They all nodded with a smirk for him. "Thanks." He went to get another drink, lifting the bottom of his mask to sip it. His stomach was upset now. He needed the beer and his girlfriend Vanessa. She'd make it better but he was making sure she was out of the city that day. Maybe a nice, safe cruise? A whole month worth of cruising somewhere nice?

***

Xander looked up the day of the battle, staring at the fairy guard he had summoned. "We're having a battle against a higher powered being from another realm right near your shrine," he said quietly. "We're going to try to protect it for you but I know I bother you guys because of my hellmouth taint. I wanted you warned in case he tried to pull power or something and it hurt your people. I know the one in London will try that and they're having that battle closer to their shrine than we'll hopefully be here."

"What are you speaking of, human? And who are you to summon me?"

"I'm Xander Harris, Knight to the slayers. We rebuilt the Council but Giles taught me how to summon you so you know about the battle before it hurts your people." He held up the information. "This one's hitting here today."

The fairy guard snorted. "He cannot hurt us."

"The one in Italy killed the shrine there and the village nearest it." The guard stiffened, staring at him. Xander nodded. "I told the slayer fighting him to send someone to check. The agent said that the shrine was destroyed and the fairy village near there was killed. I don't want that to happen here and if I had realized there was one there I would've warned them."

"I will bring this back to our people. Thank you for the kind warning."

"You're welcome. I don't want to disturb or bother any peaceful society of beings."

"Why do you feel like evil?"

"I was born on the Boca hellmouth." He grimaced. "They all love me. I'm trying to keep down my radiating from it."

The fairy guard stared at him. "That's dangerous for you."

"No one's sure why I sucked up so much energy from being born in Sunnydale." He shrugged. "It just is so I've got to deal with it. Thankfully we rebuilt the Council so I'm helping the slayers."

The guard winced. "There's only one."

"There's were two for nearly five years before the whole line got activated to fight the First Evil out there. That was nearly six years ago now."

The fairy blinked. "We did not hear of that."

Xander nodded. "I really wanted not to have that battle but she came out."

"That is bad. Which is probably why you had to rebuild the Council?"

Xander grinned and nodded. "It let the girls be girls and train as they wanted and needed. They get to be real girls with real lives if they so choose. Or to leave after some years of patrolling to have a normal life."

"Interesting. Is Travers still around?"

"Rupert Giles is in charge and the building is now in Cleveland, though he's in London for today's battle."

The fairy guard nodded. "We'll send an emissary soon. Things are not as they used to be." He shook his head. "I will tell our people and try to get a warning to the ones under London."

"Thank you," Xander said quietly. "I hope we can get him away from there for you guys." He bowed slightly and walked off. "Have a better day than I will." He went to find his weapons and helped the girls load the rental van with the weapons. They'd need a lot more than they had. They'd have to make due though. He hugged each of the nervous girls and then Kara, who grinned at him. "Remember the slayer codes, girls."

"It's not a good day to die because we're not Klingons," they recited. He smiled and nodded.

"You too, Xander. You know better than to die."

"Honey, the PTB would never let me fall during a battle unless it was messy enough to discourage others from helping," he said dryly. "That would make me a martyr and they don't want that." She nodded that was true. "Okay, call your guy. Make sure they're ready to jump soon." She walked off texting him and the other friends she had in the local mutant community. The ones not fighting needed to be clear out of the way. Her boyfriend, she wished he was farther away but he felt it was his duty too. So they'd see.

Xander looked at the other girls. "We'll have healers backing us up," he said. They nodded. "If you're injured, fall out to get it treated then come back. Today is not the day to stick it out. It'll give you time to recover and rest too." They all nodded again. "Good girls. Let's go kick some evil ass." They got into the van and he drove them off. They knew where the proto portal was starting to grow. They had told SHIELD where it was. Xander looked around the area, grimacing. At least it was a mostly open street. A few benches, a few trash cans. A lot of people though.

He found the portal and marked it with spray paint. That got a complaining officer stomping his way. "That's where the portal for the battle today is going to open. Unless this is totally unrelated to the huge battle we've got coming up." He looked at the officer. "If so, let us know and we'll go handle that one while you guys beat up on this one for us." The officer grimaced but called that in. "We warned you guys a few days ago and called in the location of the portal earlier. We told SHIELD and everyone else that could get here to help."

"Thanks. Are you Harris?" Xander nodded. "No axe?"

"In the van. He's resting before the battle too."

"Great."

"We've got some higher weapons but not nearly enough," he sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Donate if you got 'em."

"I can tell them that, sir, and evacuate parts of the neighborhood." Xander nodded, going to calm the bouncy girls down again. The officer watched, calling that in. The portal was still there, he could see a pinpoint of light starting. This was going to be nearly as bad as the Avengers did to their city.

Then again, there were the Avengers getting out of cars and heading over to help the slayers.

Yeah, this was going to suck for the city.

***

In London, Kennedy looked at her people. "We have a proto portal sighted but we have a smaller one noted uptown," she said. "We think it's the one up the street instead of the tiny one but we need some people to monitor that one." A few agents called that in, nodding at her. "Thank you." She looked at her girls. "It's mostly magical. We all have our protections?" They nodded. "Good. This is going to suck. A lot. Even worse than LA's invasion did. If they end New York's first we're getting Xander to help and we have the coven helping us." She pointed at them. The girls looked and waved at Tara, who smiled and waved back, hugging the nearest one.

One of the agents looked around then at the witches. "If one of you knows where Hogwarts really is, can you call?" he joked with a slight smile.

"If I have to collect call Asgard, we will," Tara said dryly. "To use a Xander-ism, this shit sucks." The girls nodded, grinning some. A man strolled up to them. "Mr. Rayne," she said with a nod.

He stared at her then smiled. "Tara. Good. I trust you to have sense. Is the chit hidden well enough?"

"Yes. I helped make sure with Xander late last night."

"Excellent." He patted her on the arm. "Some of us have gathered to help as well." The slayers all smiled at him. "He may like chaos but let's see what chaos feels about him today, hmm?" He looked at Tara. "If you have to summon from Asgard, let us know so we can put up a protection. One of us has a blood feud with her ex-husband, who is a warrior. She wanted powerful children and then she was stupid." He walked off again. "We're up the street taking over the spa."

"Thank you," one of the agents said. "We'll make sure you're guarded from anyone trying to take you out, Mr. Rayne." His boss agreed with that idea. There was always someone who wanted to take down the slayers and anyone helping them with a battle. Not that they wanted to fight it but they hated the slayers existing as much as they hated magic.

***

Xander looked at his phone, wincing. "The battle in Italy is done but everyone's nearly dead," he said quietly, looking at the girls. "Including Willow. They managed to drive him off but not fully injure him. He doesn't heal but he's really tough to even cut." They all grimaced but a few nodded. "We're expecting ours within an hour. Get a drink, girls." They did and offered the heros and agents some too. Xander looked at the portal.

"You hoping it hurries up?" Steve Rogers asked.

"No, I'm hoping he fails to make it through." He looked at him. "Yeah, I hate the waiting but the longer the better sometimes. It'll wear him out to make the portal for too long." That got a nod. "The girls are handling the waiting well enough, taking turns napping." He grimaced. "The ones in Italy nearly all died. They could barely injure him and only managed to drive him off from the last village he was trying to take out. They managed to get most of the civilians out of the way but a few priests tried to stay to pray at him. Didn't work of course," he said dryly. "And they're now in the morgue." Steve grimaced but nodded. "But the team there all pulled through as long as they're protected in the hospital."

"Are there people who'd take them out?" Steve asked.

"Yeah. Many of them. Including the Vatican. They tried with Macy once when she was in to have her appendix removed suddenly. They've tried with the other girls too. Frankly, there's a few priests that need to be sunk into the ocean in cement shoes. I put them up there with the sick ones who touch kids."

"Yeah, I can see that point. I'd like to hit those sort myself."

Xander smiled. "The local under-bishop is still complaining that they can't just move them to another parish. One of the girls hauled off and slapped the living fuck out of him for that when she heard him. Then she lectured him about the harm he was doing and how God must hate him for being for touching little kids. She yelled so long the bishop came out to tell her to shut up and she ripped into him too. Then she pointed out that if they actually followed the book they were breaking rules every single day. She listed most of them for them too. It was a two hour chewing out. They still sneer about the girls but they go out of their way to avoid her in case she calls down something to prove to them that they're going wrong."

Steve smiled. "Can she?"

"Yeah, she could probably call up a few hell spawn to correct that group. I know one of the minis is catholic and she tried. The demon showed up to nag her about trying that in the church so she pointed out that the priest wasn't reading the same book everyone else was and he was full of hate instead of love like commanded. The demon agreed and told her he'd talk to them later to welcome them to his side. Suddenly there were a lot of conversions and that priest retired suddenly." He grinned. "Her mother so bitched but she did good."

"That is good, yeah. The priests I grew up around would've hit them with his bible then lectured."

Xander nodded. "I hope some of them come back as ghosts to do that. I'm all for religion, whatever you wanna do, but not the ones like them."

"Yeah, that's about where I stand too," Steve agreed. "Do you really have contacts everywhere?"

"A lot of places. Not everywhere but a lot of underground ones. I had to so I could get the girls things. Did you miss the guy with the metal arm again?"

"Yeah."

"He's in Italy. Marty told me she saw him and asked him to help since he was trying to shoot the guy. He ducked into the battle with knives and he was really helpful. He limped off before the last one to make sure the village was evacuated and to get a few of the girls to a better hospital out of Italy. So he was somewhere in Switzerland as of earlier heading back to Italy."

"Thanks. If you hear about him can you let me know?"

"Sure. Not a problem. The world could use more good guys. I certainly used to be one. There's days when expedience wins out over nobility and honor though."

Steve nodded. "That's battle burnout."

"Then the world needs more guys who jump in to help the slayers because right now I'm one of six." He shrugged. "There's only fifteen total watchers."

"I'll talk to some good agents to see if they'd like to help," he promised, clapping him on the shoulder. "What if we can't beat this one?"

"I'm leading him to a HYDRA base and letting him have a snack while we recover," Xander said dryly. "That way they have to fight to save their own asses. Unlike our protestors," he said with a point at them.

Steve looked then groaned. He went to talk to an officer, who had them moved away from the battle site and the girls. They didn't need this today.

Xander got a message and nodded. "London's battle just started and he's a powerful sucker. Kennedy said he felt like Sunnydale compressed into his body." He answered and put his phone up. "I'm wondering if their weakness is each other." He ran a hand over his face and through his hair. Something Stark put on the portal beeped. "That's our signal that it's opening, ladies. The other portal?" he called.

"Still tiny," Stark called back.

"Thanks." He looked at the people. "Remember, do not hit the portal with any higher weapons. If you do it'll turn into a black hole. It won't suck him back home and he probably has a defense against it sucking him in when we don't." They all nodded. He looked back as someone walked out of the portal. "Hmm, it's a bad girl instead of a bad guy. That was not in the books," he sighed.

"Maybe it's his wife," one of the slayers quipped. "Or she came to flirt with you, Xander." He glared at her. "Sorry. Joke?"

"Yeah," he snorted. "I have taste, dear." He looked at her. "Hi, welcome to Earth. Are you supposed to be here, miss?"

She stared at him. "Your people hurt my father."

He nodded. "Your father was killing people."

"So? They're mortals and therefore fragile."

Xander snorted. "If you're that unconcerned that means you're suicidal since everything has a weakness. Even immortal beings." She flinched, shaking her head. He nodded. "Yeah, you do. I might have to look to find it but I'll be happy to do that for you. Are you our battle today?" She glared and stomped over to hit him. He hit her with magic and she screamed as she melted. "Sorry, not in the mood for a battle against you, dear. You're not my type today." An agent tried not to laugh by coughing. "She wasn't even a pretty evil thing," Xander said dryly. "I need better pretty evil things instead of suicidal ones. Introduce me when you find one, okay?"

"It's a memo we all got, Harris," Clint Barton called from his spot. "We all hope you find someone decent like Penny did. And hopefully he has a brother for Buffy and someone for Willow too."

Xander grinned back at him. "Thanks." He nearly got hit by the guy that suddenly appeared. "Wow, you're speedy."

"You're pathetic mortals," he sneered.

"Mortal we may be, but pathetic is a sliding scale," Xander said dryly, staring at him. The guy tried to hit him so he blocked with his axe. "Not today, sparky. Humanity's not going to fall for your bullshit attitude and problems." The being laughed but lunged to hit one of the slayers, who cut him for it. He huffed and tried again. Then he pulled up power to enhance himself. "Now," Xander ordered quietly. The girls started to rain abuse on him. The Avengers helped by backing up the girls on the guy's free sides. Xander got the few other things that came through the portal thanks to being summoned. The mutant teams showed up to help.

This totally sucked ass.

***

Xander panted, leaning on his axe to catch his breath. He looked around. "Healers," he ordered with a point. The girls glared at him. "I need to help London if it's still going. Hit the healers. Now please. If anyone touches you they have my permission to have them eaten." He stood up with a wince. "Go. Now, ladies."

Clint hopped down. "I'll guard them, Xander," he said quietly. "London's still going and it's bad. Even Willow showed up to help and she's already down."

Xander nodded. "Figures." He looked and pointed. The slayers stomped off to do that. He looked at Clint. "Thanks. Check the house too just in case. The protesting yahoos might have laid a bomb again," he said quietly. He pulled his wand.

"Drink," Natasha ordered, handing him a gatorade. He gulped it and handed back the empty before disappearing. She looked at Clint. "I'll have someone scan the house while we guard the girls." He nodded, heading to the healers. He had a few bruises but he had been on an edge to handle things his own way. Natasha's suit was torn in a few places and she had focused on the extra things that came through. Natasha heard a beep. "Stark, is that the other portal?" she demanded.

"A message saying that other teams handled the few things trying to come through that proved they weren't peaceful. Little balls of teeth and fur."

Kara looked out. "About a foot tall and puce?" Stark nodded. "They're dangerous when they're in heat. They come here because they need flesh when they're in heat."

"They're down now," Stark assured her. The slayers smiled though a few were more weak than others. "Let's get cleaned up and get you somewhere safe so you can recover, ladies." They let the healers work on them. When some higher demon showed up to try to find something on the original being, Kara shot him with a gun she stole off Clint's thigh. Stark looked then at her. "Bullets kill him?"

"Silver ones do."

"I have a mixed bullet loaded," Clint agreed. He went to make sure the thing was dead and the original problem was still dead. "Guys, he's got pieces moving." Thor stomped over to finish the demon off by smashing in his head then kicking the smashed brain away from the body. "I hope that works."

Thor looked at him. "I hope so as well. That was a battle worthy of an epic." He went back to checking the battle maidens. They were fragile, much more so than he was. He needed to help support them as warriors.

Clint followed, letting his protective instincts out. They were just kids, they needed protected.

***

Xander appeared in London behind the lines. Willow grabbed his arm. "How can I help?"

"He's got a hellmouth. I can't link into it but he's putting out waves of hellmouth style energy so we can't get near him and he's blocking anything like higher weapons."

Xander nodded. "I can handle that." He walked off. "Here," he said, handing his special axe to one of the girls. "He'll hate hellmouth energy." He pulled his other axe off his back and walked forward. He sucked up the energy the laughing guy was throwing at him. Xander stared at him once he got closer. "Wow, way rude. But thanks anyway. We got enough energy here from portals." The being quit laughing and stared at him. Xander smirked, his mouth a bit bloody. "Hi, welcome to Earth. How's your trip been?"

"You won't win either, mortal."

"I may be mortal but I've handled bigger shit than you by myself." The demon focused his energy on him. Xander yawned. "Wow, feels like home," he said dryly. "Thanks to the hellmouth I grew up on, you're pathetic." He attacked with his axe. He was exhausted but it had to happen. He could be the sucking roadblock to that energy destroying others. The demon was trying to get him down but it wasn't going to work this time. Not yet. A few agents took the opportunity to hit the demon with higher weapons, making him scream. Xander cut him across the chest during one of the screaming times. Then he flipped his axe around to stab the silver point into his chest. The demon recovered fast enough to block that hit but the others piled on to get him down. Xander moved off to puke in an alley. A medic came over. "Just too much energy," he panted. "And exhaustion."

"I bet. C'mon, we've got an ambulance."

Xander looked at him. "I'm a mutant."

"Not like we're the US, sir. I don't care what you are underneath as long as we can treat you mostly normally."

"Yeah, I just react funny to some drugs." He let himself be led off, taking his axe back from the injured slayer. "Thanks for the holding." It wiggled in his grip. "I know I have extra energy," he told it. "I'll let a succuba take it out later." The axe bopped him then went back to help an injured slayer. She picked him up and used him to cut the demon's head off. Xander clapped and whistled. "Good going, Mary! Hold him for me for a bit?" She nodded, cuddling the axe as she sat down. He looked at the medic. "This is her first battle," he said quietly.

"I'll pass that on. Hopefully she'll just need some quiet." He let the paramedics have his patient. "He's a mutant, has some funny reactions. He just showed up and got blasted with extra energy."

"I've already got a good store of that," Xander admitted. "I was born on the Sunnydale hellmouth and I sucked up a ton. I have protections. I've got some small injuries from being in New York until I got here and I'm wiped." They got him into an ambulance so he could be helped. The slayers went to the same hospital a bit later. Xander was still getting stitches. One of the nurses in the emergency ward was a demon and had called someone to come suck at the extra energy he carried. So he was going to be okay as soon as he got some food and a nap. Of course, people were coming in to ask him questions. They couldn't get near the slayers thanks to the agents, and Xander would be thanking each one personally later if he could.

Xander finally had enough. "People!" he said sharply, making them stop yelling at him. "I've been in two battles today. I've had a grand total of an hour of sleep since last night's alarms started to go off and a bottle of gatorade before getting here. I don't care what you want to know. At least until I get a nap and a bit of food, I don't care," he said slowly and carefully, staring at the officer huffing at him. "We told you all about this months ago. We rewarned at least two weeks ago. We told you how we'd know where it was going to pop up. You guys have the sensors too. You knew all this at least a few days ago even if no one told you because we put it into the blessed papers!" he said at someone starting to complain he hadn't heard.

"Now, we all need to calm down after the battles earlier and see how many slayers fell to the other ones. It wasn't just London and New York this time. We have slayers in critical care and I need to go check on them. Preferably after I get a cup of coffee and a sandwich but still! No one wants to be bitched at right after a battle and it's always a bad idea to get us while we're trying to calm down. Now, can we have a day please?"

"You're very rude," one of them complained.

"Blame the drunks that made and raised me since they didn't want me to have any manners and tried to beat them out of me when someone tried to teach them to me." He stared at that one. "Beyond that, you're a reporter. Get the fuck away from my slayers." The man flinched and backed up. "We don't let people like you get around the girls because people like you give them notice that gets them dead. If you do that to one of my slayers I'm going to repay the favor. Go. Shoo," he warned with a point. The man fled when his special axe flew over to his hand. Xander smiled and petted it. "Thanks, baby. That's very nice of you."

"Is it sentient?" the officer complained.

Xander grinned. "Asgardian. It came down during the convergence and wanted to be petted."

"Oh," he said with a grimace. "You were there?"

"Just got out of talking with the Egyptian embassy when it started and ended up helping since someone decided not to pass on warnings. That's why we warn more than we should need to. Someone decided they didn't need to tell a college they were going to be the site of a huge battle before it happened and destroyed half the campus and some of the students. That's why we put things like this in the papers." He stared at him. "Would you want to be sitting here getting yelled at by people who didn't even show up to the battle to help?" The man huffed off. Xander glared at the mayor. "Is there anything else to discuss before I get to check on the girls, get some food, and a nap?"

"No," he said. "Are we due another one soon?"

"I haven't had a vision for one but I only see apocalypse level battles." The man grimaced but nodded. "Kennedy, any insight on upcoming battles?" he called.

"A baby-daddy fight to the death soon but they're going to keep it out of public notice," she called back from her bed. She looked over. "A few minor things. No one's stupid enough to use this to make a move up the power scale and if they are I'm going to let Xander go talk to them with his pretty Asgardian axe. I don't want to have to wash that sort of nastiness out of my laundry but he's a former construction worker and from Sunnydale so he's used to slime and stuff." The mayor nodded but grimaced. "By the way, I'm the senior slayer for the local house, sir. I'm Slayer Kennedy." She waved. "I've been in all the battles in the US and any of the larger ones in the UK for about six months now."

"That's good to know. Did you warn my office?"

"Yes, and the secretary from the local demon community knew too, sir. You might ask them who had the messages last."

"I can do that. Are you like him?"

"Needing a nap and a meal? We pretty well all do. Slayers have a higher metabolism. We can't go six hours without a meal without passing out. Xander's had to go a week in the past." Xander nodded. "I'm pretty sure that time he was going to really bite people. Xander, that reporter's back."

Xander got up and strolled over, sneering at him. So what if his leg was still bleeding on the floor. "Yes, you needed something?"

"There's freedom of the press."

"Yeah and there's freedom of me asking a poker debt to eat you too."

"You can't do that," he sneered.

Xander smirked. "Try me." The man winced. "I called poker debts down on agents who kidnaped slayers in the past. Don't think I won't have them protect the girls now. Beyond the last strike spell they all have." He stared at the little idiot, making the guy back up. "I've shit bigger turds than you before apocalypse battles, little boy."

"Mr. Harris," the mayor complained.

Xander held up a hand. "My phone?" he asked with a grin for the nurse. She handed it over. He pulled up a video and held it up for the reporter to see it. "Do you see any of the slayers there?" The man watched, then wet himself, backing up slowly and carefully. "You do not do a single thing to harm my slayers or I will make sure you pay. Am I clear?" The man nodded, swallowing hard. "Good," Xander said quietly. "You have a great life."

"How were you able to withstand that energy."

"I sucked up plenty of energy from my former hellmouth when I grew up there." The man shuddered but fled again. He looked at the mayor and shrugged. "People like that get the bigots that come to protest and kill slayers at battles onto their heads. We really think those sort need to start saving themselves. The rest of the Council may not be as militant but I'm damn sure the girls will be protected."

"They're young ladies," a nurse said.

Xander looked at her. "Only half of them use manners, ma'am, and the rest are from places where the manners are much different. Also, they wanted to be called girls instead of ladies, bitches, or brats. Or any other female name. Because they live up to all of them. If they're not strong enough to be a bitch, they're not strong enough to win a battle. That's just a practical standpoint."

"Too true," one of the girls agreed. "And we like being girls. It makes us feel younger than our worn out bodies make us feel some days. I may be seventeen but I feel like I'm fifty and I'm not even that injured." Xander looked at her, head tipped to the side. "I don't know. The doctor was doing bloodwork." She shrugged. "I called earlier and he was out of the office. They'll call tomorrow."

"If it's something serious, we're going to have to figure out how to modify your duty or you're being retired."

"Can I beg for spa patrols?" she asked with a grin.

"Is there a spa that needs patrolled? If so, take turns, ladies." They all smirked at him.

"I know a great one," Kennedy said. "We're all going to go tomorrow. I already booked it and they agreed we could use some post battle pampering for whoever made it through." The girls all smiled at her for that. "Xander, sit down. You're bleeding and I can hear Willow."

"Fuck," Xander muttered, finding his wand. "Let me go check on the girls." He waved and disappeared.

Willow stormed in. "Where's Xander!" she demanded. "We have to take that extra energy out."

A nurse cleared her throat. "I had a demonic healer come do that, Miss Rosenburg. It's more useful for everyone than a succuba sucking it out of him like he usually does. Do not disturb my ward or you will need a bed." She walked off. "Harris escaped," she noted. "Sign him out." They adjusted his paperwork and put it aside. Willow was staring at Kennedy, who was ignoring her.

"Willow, quit stalking," one of the girls complained. "This isn't the time to rekindle things! We're all exhausted and need food. Go be a useful part of the Council!" Willow glared at her. "I don't care if you do change me into a pet. I could use the cuddles anyway! Shoo! Go!" She pointed. "Before I call for an evacuation to get away from you!"

"She's just tired and hungry," Kennedy told a nurse with a smile. "Can we maybe get a sandwich and some milk for the slayers? They could all use them and so could the agents probably."

"We've already called down. They'll be up here in a minute, Slayer Kennedy. Let's get back to the healing, girls." They groaned but now that the annoying, yelling people were gone they could get back to the medical cleanups. The mayor assigned people to guard the girls, their house, and make sure they made it back to their house safely on his way back to the office to see why he hadn't been told about this situation. He found the notes on his desk as soon as he looked. So he had to sigh and not yell at anyone else. Pity.

***

Xander appeared in the mercenary bar, frowning at his wand. "I wanted to go home," he told it. "Can't we go home?"

"The slayer house is locked down, someone tried to plant a bomb," one of the guys said. "They're at the hilton and you need a medical check, kid."

Xander looked at his leg then at the guy. "We had six people and a reporter yelling at me right after the battle ended in the ER. I about lost it and killed them all with my teeth just so I could get a meal." They all winced. "Sorry, let me go handle that."

"Sit, we've got a first aid kit," the bartender, Weasel, said. He hauled it over. Xander grinned and took the stuff he needed to do his own stitches. "Wow, you're good."

"I learned from Willow's mom's textbooks, just like she did." He looked up and grinned. "It comes in handy." He finished his stitches, looking down the remains of his t-shirt before sliding out of it and bandaging his side.

"That's black blood," one said. "An infection?"

"Tiny bit of mermaid taint does that now and then," Xander said as he applied the bandage. He looked up. "The swim coach wanted to really win."

"Eww," a few of the guys said. "That's gross."

"Gross was he put the chopped up pieces in the sauna so a lot of the team fully turned," Xander quipped. "That's why I joined the swim team." He smiled at the groans. "Aren't you guys all glad Sunnydale's gone?" The whole bar nodded. Xander finished up and handed back the box. "Thanks, Weasel." He stood up and took his axe with him to the hotel the girls fell back to. An officer gave him a dirty look. "Don't you dare. I just helped save two cities and I'm going to get a nap finally." The officer backed off, hands up. "Thanks." He limped off, going to the bright sign up the street. He walked in, ignoring the dirty look the receptionist gave him. "Are my slayers here?"

"They're saying not to be disturbed, sir."

"I'm Harris, their hunter and watcher." She gave him a pointed look. He pointed at his axe. She shuddered but called. Kara came down to get him and let him have a shower, a couch, and a nap. He could eat when he got up. He hoped.

***

Xander woke up to poking. He blinked at the man above him. "Giles. Are you going to yell about my lack of tact in the ER with the nagging, bitching people?" He sat up with a groan, holding his side.

"Yes," he said. "We had it, Xander."

"And I can suck up that hellmouth taint too. Are the other girls okay?"

"Mostly. A few are in the hospital and we lost three."

Xander grimaced. "Damn it."

"Two of the three died saving people."

"Reporters or people?" Xander asked, staring up at him.

"Why do we have a vendetta against them now?"

"Because they're the ones that put the addresses into the papers and got three girls killed in the last six months." Giles winced at that reminder. "They need to stop. Today. We had one girl who hadn't told her mom that she found out she was a slayer but her mom read it in the paper and burned her to death in the house she had tainted by bringing that into it. Killed her and her pet bunny rabbit. Then the judge let her out saying she had that right." Giles shuddered. "So, no, they need to leave the girls alone. Permanently.

"That's why Buffy got a stalker, Faith got a stalker. Kennedy nearly had to kill hers and that was one of the reasons she went to London. She told me that. She and I were getting on fine until that guy started. She told you it was our conflict to keep it out of the records." Giles slumped. "It's what got Connor and Gunn's crew firebombed last month because before then they thought it was just a homeless shelter. Until a nice reporter sort put that information into the paper."

"I can see that need. The higher ups in the Council want you warned not to speak out of tune again," he said dryly.

"They can bite me too. Half of them are the sort who'd love to snap leashes on the girls."

"Even Presters said to stop it and calm down."

"When did we rehire the pedophile?"

Giles blinked. "He is not. That was his brother."

"He didn't have a brother, Giles. He's the only one that survived the First."

Giles looked that up, frowning. "He was. He doesn't look like his old pictures."

"Plastic surgery," Kara chirped from her couch. "And yeah, we know about him so we all avoid him. He tried to pinch Faith on the ass so she laid him out the hard way. He's lucky he's still living. He tries that with my girls and I'll do the time for his death."

Xander looked back at her. "Ask a vampire." She grinned. He looked at Giles again. "Spike's in town."

"He probably would handle that, yes," Giles mumbled. He made himself a note and then looked at his most recent notes. Xander did a spell cleaning on him, making him arch up an eyebrow. "I've got protections on."

"You've also got new Willow magic on you." He removed it too, letting him see the spell's energy. "She was glaring at Kennedy when I fled the ER before she could start on me again."

"Kennedy told her to turn back into a cat," Macy quipped with a grin. "Because she was acting like a pussy."

Giles glared at her. "That's not appropriate."

"It's not polite," Xander corrected, looking back at her. "Or necessary, even if it's the truth. We have tact with Giles, ladies. Remember?" They all nodded, grinning at them. He looked at Giles again. "If you fire me I'm going to go on a long vacation where there's plenty of bad boys and girls who'll give me super Xander snuggles in the best possible way and feed me."

"We had breakfast," Macy said. "But we didn't save you any, Xander."

"I'll pick up something in a few," he assured her. He looked them over again. "Anyone still healing stuff?" A few raised their hands. "We got them treated?" They all nodded. "Good." He looked at Giles again. "So?"

Giles stared at him. "I should put you in charge."

"I do half the stuff anyway," he admitted. "Not like anyone else checks on the girls weekly. Buffy forgets and Faith's usually busy with patrol stuff. Is Buffy on retired status?"

"No," he admitted. "That's a good point. You do not."

"He orders the weapons and stuff each of the houses need," Kara said. "Because I filled in one week. He hears reports from most of the other houses, especially the new ones that went to Africa and the Middle East. He does our insurance reviews for broken stuff and gathers the ones from the other houses. He does at least half the shopping for our house and orders stuff for the girls overseas who need things they can't find. Including some treats they can't get there. Apparently Hersheys tastes different in France than it does here." She shrugged. "He does half of everything and passes it onto you."

"Since when?" he demanded, looking at his boy.

"Pretty well since I moved in. I was doing all that work for the African slayers and when I moved up here I just added the US houses to it since no one was handling the reports and house needs for the girls down there. I found the therapy house was in a horrible state for almost everything, including nearly falling in at one point. I just took it over because no one else was. I asked and they said that the girls were doing things on their own so they didn't have to handle that for them."

Giles frowned. "We handle those. Perkins, or Martin does those."

"Martin's the one who told me that the girls could handle it themselves since they were now free and didn't need that sort of support any longer," Xander told him. "I'm not going to let them suffer."

"I haven't seen you signed off on anything like that."

Xander stared at him. "I email them to you, Giles. Your secretary or whoever, since Willow isn't anymore, print it for you."

"No. I have hand filled in sheets," he said. "I'll look into that. Why are we in a hotel?"

"Someone tried to bio-bomb the house," Kara said. "Thankfully the agents found it and disarmed it." Giles' had an eye twitch. She didn't know that.

"That's the sixth in the last year," one of the other girls complained. "Second bio-bomb though."

Giles' eye twitch got worse. He looked at Xander.

"No, I disarmed them and called the NYPD to come gather them since the FBI has an agent that got arrested for planting one of them. You can ask the guy in SWAT who shows up for them. I think his name's Matt. He's a sergeant."

Giles nodded once. "I shall to see if they have a common denominator."

"A reporter," Kara said. "They didn't know where we lived until one of those leaches followed us home after a battle and took pictures of the house for days on end. Even when we complained to the NYPD they said reporters had rights too and we had to suck it up since we're kinda famous now." Giles growled. "Xander went out there and took their cameras to stomp on. When the reporter tried to arrest him for that, Xander pointed out that half the girls in the house were underage girls and if the pervert was taking pictures in our window then he was in the right to protect us. And if the reporter didn't get away from us he was going to disappear in a very messy way. He had Spike show up to talk to the guy."

"Spike suggested it and I okayed it," Xander agreed. "They tried to follow a few home from school too. One of their moms shot a reporter to get him away from her daughter then sued his company to get a restraining order since they were helping violate a prior, well known restraining order. The judge agreed and told them to quit stalking the slayers. I asked if I could use force to keep them off the girls, especially the young ones and the judge agreed I could. He didn't want to die because someone had a bigoted notion about the girls and killed them as he put it."

Giles nodded once. "Interesting. Did you report that?"

"Yeah. All of it. It went to Andrew's emails but he was on vacation. That way you'd get it without filters. Who got into his email?"

"My assistant did," he sighed. "I'll talk to her. Would you have that report still?"

"At the house," Xander said with a grin. "You can see if it's okay to go in. We'll probably have to restock the food, just in case, and do all the clothes in case they sprinkled things on them again."

"That chemical stuff they spread the last time burned," Kara said. "Penny got first degree burns from putting on a shirt."

"Were they arrested?" Giles demanded.

"No. The NYPD supposedly couldn't figure out who did it."

Xander grinned. "I went to talk to IAB about them not investigating. The officer who didn't got arrested because his cousin was the one who did it. They're both off the force now. It was kinda odd that a detective from halfway across the city in Robbery got called in to look at our major crime case. I asked the IAB guy if that was normal to send a robbery guy out for that and he said no, that was really weird. He'd look into it. And did." He smiled. The girls came over to hug him. "Ow, owowowowow." They let him go. "Sorry, the slice on my side is still kinda tender, girls." He looked then the sighed. "I need to clean the blood off the couch. Anyone got some damp washclothes?" They got him one so he could scrub it off before they had to pay for damages.

Giles watched him then looked at the girls. "Where are the reports?"

"In the office," Kara said. "Where they should be." He nodded, heading for the door. He opened it and found an agent lounging in the door. "Hi, Agent Barton. Is the house clear?"

"No. We have a bug in here so we sent someone to look. All the laundry had to be sent out and the food got taken to be tested. The weapons were all coated with something like the chemicals on the clothes." Xander grimaced, looking back at him. "Vinegar, Xander. It helps remove blood stains." He handed over the file he had carried. "Director Fury wanted to know about those things too so he had an agent remove the file for him to track problems with. He thinks a few of the problem, dirty agents have been some of the ones going after the slayers in the Midwest. He was right about one of them." Xander stood up, holding his side to keep it from hurting. "Oh, no, Xander. It's handled." He grinned. "We handled our own." Xander smiled and got back to scrubbing. Clint looked at the head guy again. "If you want, Director Fury invited you to the debrief session about all the battles later today." Xander groaned, sighing at the end. "I can let you bum a t-shirt, kid."

"Thanks." He looked at his then at Clint. "It's been a long few days."

"Yeah, it has. You good?"

"Could use some advil," he admitted. "Or something stronger." He shrugged. "My patrol fixing kit is under the stairs."

"I'll have someone check it and bring it if it's good." He called that in and nodded. "It is good and Natasha was very impressed with your kit."

"Comes in handy when the nearest hospital is six hours away and won't treat you anyway," Xander quipped.

"Why not?" Giles asked.

"Because I'm a mutant," Xander said patiently. "Even if I don't disclose that they still find out because it's in my medical records that Willow sent to the first hospital when I needed that broken leg bone set. It got spread around from there." Giles slumped, shaking his head. "That's why I only go to healers anyway. They're usually a lot less judgmental." He finished cleaning and sighed. "That's not going to come out."

"Vinegar," Clint repeated.

"None here."

"There's a store on the corner," Macy said. "I can run out to get some."

Xander looked at her. "If anyone tries anything you rush back up here and let me handle it."

"You're injured," she said.

"You can't hurt a human, I can sure as hell do that." She nodded, but rolled her eyes as she left to get him some vinegar. She had to run back into the hotel a few steps outside of it when someone tried to attack her and take her picture at the same time. Xander came down and glared at the reporter. "Don't you think you've done enough damage since your kind are responsible for little kids being killed?" The reporter sneered and took his picture. Xander punched him for it. "You go right ahead, dude. I have the right of self protection and you're well within my range." The guy tried to stab him so Xander broke his arm, making him scream. Xander kicked the knife up and caught it then walked the guy to the security guard for the hotel who was staring at them. "Here. He tried to stab me." He handed over the knife properly then the reporter. "He also threatened a seventeen-year-old girl."

The guard grimaced but called that in. "Sir, is that blood?"

"From yesterday. I don't have a clean t-shirt right now. Someone kindly spread chemicals on all the clothes in the slayer house. Again. Thanks to reporters like that guy."

"You'll all die," the reporter sneered. "HYDRA or someone will get you."

Xander snorted. Then he pointed behind him. "There's a line. Join it, dude. I've got bigger, badder, and more evil than you or HYDRA out to kill me. Hell, I've got three terrorist bands out to kill me because I made them save themselves when they tried to kill slayers. So what do you think I can do to you and yours?" He walked off smirking evilly. The reporter was shuddering in horror. Xander went back upstairs. "The reporter and the assassin outside are both going to stop it. The assassin is actually an ex so if you see her again, Macy, tell her I said hi?"

"Yeah, I can do that," she said, giving him a funny look. "There's terrorists who want to kill you?"

"Yeah. They tried to kill the slayers so I made them save their own damn selves." He grinned. "It was them or a school in one case. In another I led them to the battle thinking they'd get a chance to kill me. They got there just as the portal opened." He beamed. "They're not going to do it again but they still hate me that much." She gave him a slightly nauseous look. "They won't come here. They know they can't get into the US. If they try there's guys like Barton." He grinned at Clint since he was on one of the chairs.

"Yeah, we've stopped three who were being let into the US by dirty agents in another agency. They all got fired too. Pity but they weren't doing the job anyway."

"Are the girls safe around you?" Giles asked Xander.

"Yeah. If they show up they won't go near a slayer. All but one of the groups figured that out. And if that one shows up we'll have them stopped at the airport anyway with who they're with. When you're on Interpol's watch list they tend to find you."

Clint nodded. "I've helped spot some of their list for them in the past. The two terrorists that would be trying to get into the US can't, Mr. Giles, and they can't hire anyone either. All the assassin schools and most of the higher level assassins have declared the slayers untouchable because they won't have to save themselves either." He grinned. "They're all real sure it'd be a horrible thing if they had to do Xander's job."

"Pierre does," Xander admitted. "He does a pretty good job of it too for the girls in Germany."

"He's an assassin?" Giles demanded. "You said he was a mercenary."

"He is," Clint agreed. "That's one thing a mercenary may be asked to do. I was one before SHIELD picked me up. Pierre's an outstanding and honorable guy. He protects the girls with his life if he has to. Nearly twice now thanks to a stalker. One that found his supposedly perfect angel and soulmate thanks to a reporter." Giles grimaced. "He's done a great job protecting those girls over there. Including the rest of them in Europe if he had to that one time. Again, due to a reporter. We at SHIELD have him noted as doing the good work now and we're leaving him fully alone. He was on our watch list before but he took a job that pays him crappy and makes him cranky."

Xander nodded. "Often. They keep getting him up for movie marathons."

Kara laughed. "I did six weeks in Germany for an issue over there. The girls there do treat Pierre like we do Xander, Mr. Giles. He puts up with it the same way Xander does." Xander nodded at that. "He's great to them and he helps the younger ones near him train so they're great too."

"That's good to know." He took off his glasses to rub at his eyes. "We need more people to be field watchers."

"I can take you to the bar," Xander offered. "The mercenaries there know half of everyone in the US who does the same work. That's where Penny found her guy. I've introduced a few to Buffy too."

"The director would adore if it Buffy's next boyfriend was not only living but didn't consider the slayers like one would a dangerous housepet that you show off to prove status," Clint said.

"Is he on some sort of watch list?" Giles asked dryly.

Clint grinned and held up three fingers. "US, UK, and Interpol. He's just an assassin, not a mercenary. He likes to think he owns a criminal syndicate." Giles glared at Xander. "No, she didn't meet him at that bar, Mr. Giles. She met him in a club in Cleveland. He was hunting for one of the slayers to be his trophy."

"Charming," Giles sighed. "I'll go back and figure out who has been doing that problem creating." He looked at Xander. "You could wear better clothes."

"I can't fight in dress pants, Giles. Or work on the expansion to the slayer house."

"We only rent that building," Giles said, staring at him.

"Thankfully I own the building next to it," he said with a smile. "Which exits onto another street and is larger."

"Nat and I snuck over there to look," Clint said, smirking at him. "So far it looks okay. More bedrooms and a bunk room?"

"For emergency stashing," Xander agreed. "Like with Bethy and her mom being in the hospital for a few months or if we get a few extra girls in for battles."

"That's a great idea," Clint agreed.

"As long as we won't have to share rooms," Kara quipped. "Because that wouldn't work very well."

Xander grinned. "We're still renting the old building, dear. But it does add four bathrooms." The girls all groaned. Giles walked out shaking his head.

"He doesn't understand why the girls need extra bathrooms," Clint quipped. "I know many female agents who would kill if there was only bathroom they had to share." He stood up. "Harris, debriefing."

"Damn it. Can't I send Hannah again?"

"No," Clint said with a smirk. "I was ordered to bring you. You can bring Kara if you want. Her boyfriend's going to be there for their team to do their debrief." Kara hopped up and ran to the bathroom to brush her teeth and make sure she was cleaned up. Xander groaned as he stood up, going to make sure he peed and cleaned up as much as he could before they went in. His axe flew over so he put it onto his back as usual. Clint shook his head. "I know, it loves you."

"It does," Xander agreed with a grin. "Are you sure I can borrow a t-shirt?"

"Yeah, kid, you can." He walked them out, making sure the girls had locked the door behind them. He nodded at one of the security guards walking up the hallway. "We're going to the post-battle debrief."

"The slayers paid for a day."

Xander shook his head, looking at Kara. She went to straighten that out because they had paid for the whole weekend. They got driven back to the SHIELD office, getting signed in. The guards looked at Xander's shirt but he shrugged. "Not like I had a spare."

"Good luck, sir."

"Yeah, but then I get to be cranky," Xander said dryly. Clint paused at his rooms to let Xander have a t-shirt. "Thanks, man."

"Welcome. That one's too loose for me anyway." Xander grinned, switching out and heading to the bathroom to make sure he didn't look too bad. They went to the meeting room, Kara sliding next to her boyfriend. He gave her a weak smile. She kissed him and smiled. Xander looked over at them. "You two go rollerblading or something later. Just make sure the reporters and no one can get her, Piotr."

"Of course I can," he agreed, smiling at Xander. "You look bad."

"Thanks, really." Xander sat down with a sigh, staring at the staring director. "Sorry we're late. I had to borrow a t-shirt. Thankfully Agent Barton had one I could bum. Who did that to our house?"

"Three assholes who're in the jail downstairs," Fury said.

"How much is the cleanup going to cost us?"

"They paid for the laundry, kid."

"Thanks, Director." He looked at the others, then at him again. "So, debriefing?"

Fury nodded. "How did you do that in London?"

"I naturally suck up hellmouth energy. That's all they needed, getting around that energy field."

"That's good. Can you harness that? Is that like magic? Part of a mutation?"

"No one's sure why I sucked up so much hellmouth energy." Xander shrugged. "No one knows. We just handle it when I get too full. Healers can drain it or I can the fun route and find a succuba who can eat it."

"They can kill you," Fury said dryly, smirking at him.

Xander smirked back but shook his head. "Nope, they can't. They can't feed off anything but the hellmouth energy. It blocks them from eating anything else from me. Therefore they're just fun." Fury groaned, shaking his head. "It's been really handy and saved my life once." Fury stared at him. Xander stared back. "That and they've been some great stress relief. Most of them can give great massages when you're in so much pain you can't move. They can feed that way too. So post battle soreness fixed there too."

Fury shook his head with a sigh, looking down then at Xander. "So you just let it naturally suck into you? Without a plan of what to do with it?"

"I figured I'd use it to stay awake for a few more hours until I could find a method of releasing it. I figured there were plenty of healers who could really use the extra energy after all that."

"Point," Stark said, looking at him. "That's not a bad idea. It wasn't that much of a fight, thankfully. You could barely stand when you left."

"And yet, I was in the ER and there were multiple yelling assholes and a reporter slime," Xander quipped.

"Thankfully the agents over there make sure no one attacks that slayer house," Kara said.

Xander looked over. "Because it happened twice. They didn't want to see one of them handling something on their own. It makes their polite souls hurt to make women kick their own asses."

She smiled. "That's good. I could use that with the assholes who got the house again."

"Let me find them," Xander promised. "Then we'll see who has to come clean up the mess."

Fury cleared his throat. "We've got agents watching over the girls and the minis when they come back."

"Clean ones?" Clint asked. "Because that's a worry."

"Actually, HYDRA tried to get a slayer, figured out they couldn't replicate what they had," Kara told him with a grin. "And then decided they'd rather not bother us because something would come attack them for it." She pointed at Xander, who grinned back. "I think they found that mention somewhere."

"Hopefully," Xander agreed. "I know I uploaded it for that very reason. Because if I'm that scary they won't try you girls."

Clint nodded. "That could work," he agreed. "It does for others."

Xander nodded, then he smirked at him. "Also, some of the mercs look out for some of the girls I can't nag in person daily. I've gotten a few calls about the older minis and their bad boyfriend problems. Penny's husband is aces at scaring them himself. Deadpool got two the other day who had ideas she didn't like but she was kicking their asses very well on her own. She pouted at him for it but he pointed out he needed to practice anyway and she was too young to go to jail for attempted murder. I bought him a blowjob for that."

Clint laughed, shaking his head. "That's great. I'm sure he was good at it. Have the girls met his girlfriend?"

"They all go to her for patrol clothes suggestions. They kidnaped her, handcuffs and all, to go shoe shopping for patrol shoes that were still slightly cute. Plus clubbing clothes." Clint burst out laughing again.

Kara nodded. "She had good ideas too. None of us look like Buffy and we can run in our heels. She even taught us how to break in leather jackets. Because they can be practical sometimes." Her boyfriend hugged her to his side.

Fury looked at her then at Xander. "Did you warp her?"

"Don't make me magic a knife into your good eye," Xander said dryly. "I'm a bit mean right now."

Fury shook his head and looked up then looked at him again. "Are you actually that good?" And then suddenly there was a fake knife sticking out of his eyepatch. "Damn."

"Yeah. They taught me very well." He grinned. "So, the morons who dosed the house. Are they part of a group or just individual morons without any ideas?"

"A group," Fury said, removing the fake knife. "They're under watch too."

"Thanks," Kara said with a grin. "That helps me a lot. Means I can tell the girls it might be safer soon."

Fury nodded. "We'd all like that for you girls," he agreed. "How soon is our next one?"

"Apocalypse battles only," Xander said dryly. "That's all that I have visions about."

"Damn."

"And the next one I've seen is in six months in DC." Fury winced. "But they caused it. Some of them summoned something for power. Pity." He batted his lashes at him. "Personally the slayers that would have to fall in think they should have to handle it by giving themselves up like the demon wants. They hate going to work in DC. Talk about all the bitching going on."

Fury nodded once. "We can help stop that?"

"You can't stop idiots who want power," Xander said. He winced and held his forehead. "Shit. Shit shit, fuck!" He blinked, wiping at the tears running out. "Nearly the same time or the same day, there's an ascension happening in the same city. Cut off the head somehow."

Fury blinked. "That thing at your graduation?" Xander nodded once, rubbing his forehead. He found his little vial of painkiller and swallowed the contents. "You need medical?"

"No, I need a nap. I got a few hours last night." Kara stared at him. "I got up to soothe nightmares again," he told her.

"Oh, them. I tried but I couldn't do it. They don't respond to me that way."

"I'm bigger," Xander said. "So they instinctively think 'daddy' I guess."

She stared at him. "You were up the two days before," she realized.

"Yay me, apocalypse time," Xander said blandly. "It happens during most of them. I've been up for a week straight in the past, Kara. It happens."

"That means you haven't eaten either."

Xander grinned. "Yes but I'm going to fix that as soon as we're done here, while you're rollerblading. That way the girls can't steal it from me. They could use food too."

"I'll bring them dinner then go rollerblading, Xander."

"Thanks."

"Did Giles forget to pay you again?"

Xander looked at her. "Giles hasn't paid me in the last two years, Kara. Someone down there hates me and I realize that's because I'm doing half the work."

She nodded. "Clearly. It's nice that Giles knows now."

"Until Willow makes him forget. But that's not what we're here about." He looked at Fury again. "Next question before I fall asleep?"

Fury stared at him. "We have a good medical department."

"Which I won't trust," Xander said bluntly.

"They took good care of us that one time," Kara told him.

Xander nodded. "Almost all my injuries are clean and still closed. One popped but that's a tough place to stitch anyway." He looked at Fury again. "I'm good. Thanks for asking. The battle?"

"How was the fallout on your teams?" Stark asked.

Xander nodded. "Giles said three died," he said more quietly. "A few were still in the hospital. The girls who were in Italy were all taken to Switzerland," he said with a nod at Steve Rogers.

Stark looked at Steve then at him. "He was there?"

"His buddy was there. He helped a lot. He got the girls evacuated to a good, safe hospital."

"That's good to know," Stark said, looking at Steve. "That special friend?" Steve nodded. "Interesting. Is he staying with them?"

"No," Xander said. "He got them to the hospital and then left."

"Okay, it gives us a lead," Stark decided.

"He's still in Europe," Xander said with a shrug. "Somewhere with pretty statues of female saints and nuns."

"You can find him?" Stark asked.

"Steve asked me to find his arm."

"Oh! The metal finding mutation," he remembered. "Okay. Statues?"

"Lots of statues. It's like a paved park of statues. No fountain. Not in Italy I don't think. The statues aren't marble, they're a darker stone, maybe basalt?"

"Okay, that gives us a solid lead," Stark said, looking that up. He showed a picture on his phone. Xander shook his head. He tried again. Xander shook his head again but the next one got a nod. "That's good," he said, sliding the phone down to Steve.

Steve looked at the area then smiled. "That's actually pretty nice. Thanks, Xander. Is he staying?"

"He's staring at the statues."

"Thanks," Steve said, tossing back the phone as he walked off.

Fury looked at Xander. "Do things never go in the usual manner around you?"

"No. We're not linear the way you are, Fury. We have to think our ways around things."

"Our best weapons are our minds," Kara quipped. "Always have been."

"It does often happen that way," her boyfriend agreed. "Many things you can't force with your extra strength or speed. You must think about things to get around them." She smiled up at him.

"You two go eat and skate," Stark said with a smile at them. They grinned and bounded out. "They're cute," he told Xander. "And on edge."

"Yeah, this is a threatening space full of bad agents who could hurt either one of them," Xander agreed. "With the lack of finding all the dirty agents, they know they can't trust more than a few people in this building and most of them are in this room with our backs to the door."

"Point," Clint agreed. "I've felt that way before but I try not to be so paranoid."

Xander nodded. "There's too many days when slightly paranoid means you get home."

"True," Clint agreed. "It has many times in the past." He shifted to look at Xander. "I vetted most of the agents who're going to be watching over the minis." Xander smiled at him. "I don't want the dirty agents to be anywhere near me anyway." He looked at Fury. "Did we clean out the teams?"

"Mostly. A few are hiding. We're hunting them down." He looked at Xander. "How many more weapons do you guys have stored?"

"Not a lot right now," Xander said. "We used things we almost had to steal." Fury grimaced. "We have some time to play kitten poker for some. I hope." He yawned. "We should be able to hopefully restock in about a year and a bit depending on if and who I can find to date to give us bargain prices." He yawned again and shifted. "How did the other battles look? I had someone with sense and skills at each site."

Fury nodded. "They did good enough. The ones in Italy were screwed but they managed to evacuate and damage the guy, then evade the hit squads."

"Steve's friend," Stark reminded him.

Xander nodded. "The guy I had in charge is a mercenary who has a thing with one of the slayers over there. I think they're broken up at the moment but I can't keep up with their on and off switches."

"He did good," Fury assured him. "That was the toughest one and they managed it and managed to save civilians." Xander grinned. "The one in London went fast once you got there to block his sending that annoying energy stream." Xander nodded. "Ours was bad but handled. LA's was a bad one but they managed it with the community out there helping. The agents out there jumped in a bit late but they handled it with confiscated weapons." Xander grinned and nodded. "Your supplies?"

"Mostly dead," Xander admitted. "We're down to a few personal weapons and the swords if they didn't touch them."

"No, beyond something corrosive being spread on a few swords." Xander grimaced. "You can fix that."

"Not totally. It's hard to get good, useable swords. Most of the blades these days aren't built tough enough. Most of our house's sword stocks are cleaned up old ones."

Fury grimaced. "I'll look to see if we have a supplier or at least a craftsman."

"Can't you use modern metals?" Stark asked.

Xander shook his head. "They'll break too fast. The old ones were tempered a certain way, they're stronger, and they're heavier but they last."

"I get that," Stark agreed. "I'll see if I can find someone too. I know a few people who hand-forge." Xander grinned. "You need to go rest."

"I was until this." Clint snickered but nodded. "The hotel scowled at me a lot for being just out of the battle. What is with the NYPD that makes them hate my axe when it's not covered?"

"No clue," Stark said. "They hate me in my suit no matter what. Apparently we made too much of a mess saving people."

Xander nodded. "I've gotten that scowl a lot but every time they see my axe uncovered they scowl at me for it and I get nagged."

"Probably about the mess the battles cause," Fury said. "I can ask." Xander nodded with a grin. "You're goofy, kid."

"I'm about to eat someone," Xander admitted. "I'm staying awake. This is the other reason we send Hannah."

"Where is Hannah?" Clint asked.

Xander paused, staring at him. "She should've been with the minis. She's not?"

"We're not sure," Clint said. "We couldn't track the minis."

Xander pulled out his phone to send a message. "The Canadian government came to get her to talk to the UK people. Who I kinda told to grow up and start working to save themselves due to the bitching in the ER." He looked at Clint. "If they're going to try to hold her hostage I'll go rescue her tonight." He sent another message and then put his phone back into his pocket.

Fury stared at him. "How would you do that?"

"I've done it before," Xander said. "None of the girls are going to go through what I went through in Egypt or what I went through when Kenya had a fit about the slayers so decided it was my fault. I spent two weeks in their charming jails telling them to blow me and to pray like hell to whatever God they liked because I wasn't saving their asses. They already had demons rioting outside the town." He grinned. "They really hated that. I got myself free of that one and went to yell at the demons, with the local slayer, and then a huge problem showed up to try for my slayer, so I led them to a Boko Haram camp that the demons knew about." He beamed. "I know they still have a price on my head but even the government there was *so* happy."

Fury gaped, then cleared his throat and nodded. "I wondered why they had a price on your head." Xander held up two fingers with a grin. "Twice?"

"Yeah, the other time it was them or a school. I decided they were boils on the ass of humanity. The demons couldn't do more than kill innocents and they were on a blood rampage to do that anyway. They could eat uninnocent ones. I had some of the local demon community run ahead to warn them and get their hostages to somewhere better. Then the demons rampaged and they got to kill them while I reminded them that saving themselves was something their God would like them to do instead of depending on young women. They were nicely happy afterward when the government's troops showed up after the demons." He grinned.

"Wacky ideas," Clint said, clearing his throat.

Xander grinned. "It was them or a school full of dead kids."

"Them," Clint agreed. "Definitely not a problem with that decision. Or that you got their hostages out of the way." Xander punched him on the arm with a grin. Stark cleared his throat and nodded once. "Like he said, brains are the biggest weapons," he told his teammate. "It worked. It saved innocent lives. It hopefully kept down some of their bad ideas to hurt other innocents."

Stark nodded. "I don't have a problem with that. I know there was more than that one."

"Yeah, one group I taunted because they wanted to kill me and one of the other slayers. They ran after us to kill us and right into an opening portal with a small invasion force. Only twenty demons but they were kinda mean. It gave the local military time to fall in to help destroy them."

Fury nodded again. "You did insane things down there, Harris."

"You're welcome," he quipped.

"I'm glad others could help and take over for you. It took a few extra people but I'm glad that they could handle it when you had to evacuate." Fury tapped papers together. "Go nap and eat. We'll make sure Hannah can get free safely." Xander nodded, heading out to find a way back to the hotel. Fury looked at Stark then at Barton. "He's warped but in a bad way," he said dryly. "Will he have to pull that up here?"

"If so, can I pick the group they go to?" Clint asked dryly.

"He had a plan to lead them to HYDRA if he had to," Stark agreed with a smile. "We could've had popcorn for a few minutes."

Fury shook his head with a sigh. "He needs more people to work with."

"Giles didn't even know he was handling a lot of the paperwork and needs for all the girls in the US and still handling Africa's," Clint told him. "Or that he's not being paid for the last two years." Fury winced. "I'm pretty sure the old liners are still a problem, Sir."

"Me too," Fury agreed. "Get the girls back home today, Barton. If someone tries something with Hannah or one of the other slayers, you handle it for them so they don't have to."

Clint sent that order. He got back a text message. "Natasha stole Hannah from them when they were starting to complain and yell. She said she told them off for the young slayer, and Hannah is shaken but just slightly upset. She didn't realize that humans were so petty and mean." Another text message came in. "Hannah said if they did that to Xander no wonder he was grumpy so often." He looked up at the director. "She said that the minis will be back in town tomorrow afternoon. They're going a more normal way and will resort to magic across the border if the Border Patrol guys get pushy about them like they do Harris."

"Still?" Stark asked.

"Still," Clint agreed. "Half the State Department thinks that Xander's a myth. The other half are still trying to deport him back to Egypt."

Stark nodded. "Someone higher up needs to start the kicking line." He looked at Fury.

"I've already kicked a few. I'm about to kick more," Fury said. "Plus see what their hiring criteria are so I can suggest some decent agents. Even HYDRA would be better than those old liners." He got up and walked off, going to call the other directors to tell them how the debrief had gone. He got a few dirty looks for talking about Harris but oh well. He laid some information on them that made them scared of the guy breaking down. They wanted the slayers to be safe, sane, and without work. Fury told them about the two upcoming problems in DC, making most of them shudder, but the head of the CIA stomped off vowing to find whoever was going to do that and stop it.

Fury started to look into his background first to see if he was going to be one of the ones causing problems.

***

Xander woke up in the hotel, staring at the man staring down at him. "What's wrong?" he muttered, making himself sit up with a groan.

"It's time to check out and go home," Penny's husband told him with a grin. "Are you slept out?"

"No." He yawned but got up to gather his axes so they could go home. "I can nap at home though. I can be up for another hour or so."

"That'll work. The house got cleaned up, the minis are back, and the house is being watched by agents. Some of them are even good ones," he quipped. He walked Xander out, shaking his head at his wife. "He's still tired."

"He went almost three full days without sleep, didn't eat, and then had the living hell kicked out of him plus extra energy shoved into him. He's going to be nap-happy," Penny quipped. She took over guiding Xander to the cab. He grunted, staring down at her. "I know but we're going home."

"I can be up for an hour."

"The healer Kara called when you wouldn't wake up last night said to let you sleep it out," she said dryly. "That energy blast would make you exhausted as it wore out of you."

Xander nodded with a yawn. "Yeah, I slept the next two days after Willow hit me with hers." He yawned again. "Okay, I'm up. I need coffee." He trudged to the car, getting in and letting Penny drive. Her husband was making sure she wouldn't hurt anyone without a good reason. "The minis are all home, Brad?"

"Yeah," he agreed, grinning back at him. "They got escorted by the mouthy little one's daddy." Xander grinned. "They were all okay. Hannah got a bit upset at the yelling at her about the battles."

"Usually they won't yell at her," Xander said. "That's one reason why we send her."

He nodded. "Yeah, I can see why. She'll be okay. She adopted a puppy from a street."

"Yeah, she does love petting things," Xander agreed.

"One of these days she'll have a boyfriend to pet," Kara quipped. "It helps more than a loving puppy because they can cuddle you back."

Penny nodded quickly. "Yeah, it does help more than Willow's cats do." She parked in front of the house and nodded at the agents. "Can we go in?" He nodded. They piled into the house. Kara made a grocery order to be delivered. Xander went to nap on the couch. Penny and her guy took Xander's room over. They could handle this.

***

Clint came in that night. "Kara, I'm going to shadow you ladies on patrol," he said.

"Shhh." She pointed at Xander. "He's napping."

"Has he eaten yet?" Clint asked.

"No. He's napping."

"No, he needs to eat," he told her. "He hasn't eaten in days and his body won't heal without the food." She winced, going to make a frozen pizza while one of the others woke Xander up. Xander grunted, blinking up at the slayer.

"Food, Xander. Kara's making you food. Clint said you had to get up to eat."

He grunted again and passed back out.

Clint came over to wake him up. Kara came out with the microwave pizza. Clint shoved Xander. "Wake up and eat, Harris. You have to eat before you don't wake up." Xander moaned, taking the food to inhale. Kara rolled her eyes but went to make more. Xander followed her to get his own food, making her happy. Clint looked at her. "Just you and me?"

"Patrol," Kara yelled. "And don't steal Xander's food!" Xander grunted, looking at her. "No, you eat and finish sleeping. He said he's going with me." She grabbed what she needed and they left together to go on patrol. The police were cranky but yay. It needed to happen. They stopped at the overlord's house since he was having a party. They were having a survival party so she shared what Xander had seen about DC in about six months with the guard that came out to check on their needs. The guard nodded he'd pass it on in the morning so they went back to checking on the town.

Xander would eventually wake up fully and not need food. They noticed he had eaten like a slayer when they got back but apparently it had been food thief slayers that had helped him eat his meal. Clint got him more stuff made and guarded it from the girls, who pouted but oh well. Their normal guy needed food just as much as they did.

TBC...
This story archived at http://voracity2.e-fic.com/viewstory.php?sid=107