A Harris and a Half. by Voracity2
Summary: Xander and his half-sister have a lot of fun, and some angst. A long story of Xander and his sister Darcy Lewis.
Categories: Buffy Stories & Crossovers > Avengers, Buffy Stories & Crossovers > Other Comics/Anime Characters: None
Series: Siblings of Chaos
Chapters: 9 Completed: Yes Word count: 161623 Read: 346399 Published: 07/02/2017 Updated: 07/02/2017
Story Notes:
You saw parts of this on the list's archives. Here it is finished for you so that one's been taken down.

1. Part 1 by Voracity2

2. Part 2 by Voracity2

3. Part 3 by Voracity2

4. Part 4 by Voracity2

5. Part 5 by Voracity2

6. Part 6 by Voracity2

7. Part 7 by Voracity2

8. Part 8 by Voracity2

9. Part 9 by Voracity2

Part 1 by Voracity2
A Harris and a Half.




The guy walking the cup of coffee and muffin into the lab got a funny look. "Who're you?" he demanded.

"Darcy sent me." He held up the items. "She said you haven't eaten in three days," he said, mimicking her voice and inflection pretty well. Then he grinned. "And if you don't eat and drink and then go call your boss, she's going to call said boss herself because you missed something yesterday while she was out on vacation with me at the museum." He put the items on a clear spot on the table. "So please don't piss off my sister, I don't need to listen to the bitching about you, Stark." He walked off, going back to where Darcy was nagging her Jane. He walked in grinning. "Wow, you do that better than the girls I ran away from. Did you take lessons?"

"Hell no!" she snorted but smirked at him. "I didn't need lessons from more than my own grandmother." She stared at Jane. "You're taking me away from time with my brother, Jane. Would you do that to Thor?"

"Thor hates his brother," Jane huffed. She glared at the guy. "Why are you here?"

"I'm presently running away from my last job before I went on a murderous rampage against the bitches I used to work with who think I'm helpless, normal, and useless even after I had just saved their asses again." He stared at her. "So I came up to visit my sister for a bit while I figure out where I'm going to hide from the bitches and find a new job."

Jane blinked. "That's very blunt."

"It you ever met the bitches I worked with, you'd agreed with me," he said dryly. "Darcy does."

"Darcy nearly grabbed one's sword off the wall to beat her with it," Darcy agreed with a nod. "Before I girl-fought her and kicked her ass over the way she treated my brother."

"Treats. I found a voicemail when I turned on my phone," he admitted. Two guys stomped in and he nodded. "I'm just here having a vacay with my big sister, guys." He grinned. Another woman stomped in and he smirked. "Didn't expect to see you here, Woofing Whore of Battle."

Maria Hill stared at him. Oh, shit. This was a very bad thing. "Why are you here?"

Darcy got between them. "Leave my little brother the fuck alone, Hill. You aren't immune to being tazed."

Hill blinked at her then over her shoulder. "I should have realized. She reminds me of you, Harris." He grinned. "Total siblings?"

"Half if you must know," Darcy said dryly. "My daddy had a fling he regretted."

"So did my mom." Xander shrugged. "It made her marry the alcoholic asshole she was already flirting with and drinking with." He leaned on Darcy's shoulder, giving her a hug from behind. "I'm on vacay after I walked away from the bitches before I went on a murderous rampage after Kuala Lumpur."

Hill moaned. "Oh, God, I heard," she muttered. "So you're...."

"Retired," he said firmly. "I'm catching up with my sis. We've been doing touristy things since Jane never lets her out of the lab. We've went to the good museums yesterday and some of the other touristy spots the day before."

"You've been here for two days and we didn't know," Hill said. "How?"

"Not like she runs into your type usually. I've been on her couch."

Hill nodded once. "Guys, back down. He can do you a lot of damage and then quip something stupid." She looked at him. "Are you making future plans?"

"Perhaps. I'm going to figure out where I want to settle while being retired first."

She nodded. "Give me a final list and I'll make sure you hear about any standing problems there."

"Thanks, Hill." He grinned. "That's real sweet of you. Does that mean you're going to send more victims to the girls to nag them?"

"Yes I probably will suggest it to some." She sighed. "Including some women since they'd probably support them more." She rubbed her forehead when Stark stomped in.

"Are you two dating?" Stark demanded.

"Eww, I'm not into incest," Darcy said dryly. "He's my little brother, Stark. Mind out of my panties and various online sites that have us fucking like weasels." Jane moaned at that. "Did you eat and call Pepper? She left me a text message of 'have. Him. Call'." She stared at him. "Apparently you missed stuff while my brother and I were out doing fun stuff."

Stark blinked at her. "You're mad."

"Fuck you," Xander said with a grin. "Quit picking on my sister before I have someone I know eat you." Darcy elbowed him, making him groan. "Yes, Sister."

"Thank you." She grinned up at him. "You give good cuddles."

"They're rusty from disuse so sorry if you need a tetanus."

"I don't." She turned to hug him. "You're a great brother, even if you an overprotective boob."

"Hey, it worked in my last job," he said dryly. "Otherwise I'd still have two eyes." She snorted but patted him on the cheek beside the eyepatch. "Ow, still sore from last month's cracked orbital bone." She sighed and pressed gently, letting him duck away from her. "It's healing. It's nothing they can fix, Darce."

"Fine." She looked at the two heroic types again, smiling at the one in the doorway. "Hey, Clint. Have you ever met my little brother Xander?"

"Once in Africa," he said quietly, staring at him. "I should've realized you two were related." Darcy burst out giggling. "Just visiting? I can tell some people to leave you alone."

"I quit after Kuala Lumpur before I turned around and killed every single one of the bitches I used to work with. But please don't scare off any possible dates I might find?"

"Yeah, I don't need to talk to that sort anyway. I'll...go distract some people." He walked off hurrying while calling a few people to meet him in the kitchen. He looked at Natasha as she walked in. "Harris quit." She stiffened. "He's Darcy's younger brother. They're doing touristy things and he's in the labs."

She grabbed the countertop. "I will stay up here," she decided calmly and quietly. "And keep others from him."

"He said he quit because he was going to kill them all."

She nodded. "I wish he could have done that to a few of them. They deserved it in many ways."

"Something happened in Kuala Lumpur."

She looked it up and stared at the battle footage, grimacing as she showed him. It caught the battle and the bitching afterward when he tossed down his sword and walked off with a 'bye, bitches'. "Do we believe he'll be going back to helping the ones in Africa?"

"I don't know, he didn't say that. I heard him say he was going to kill them all."

She nodded. "We should ask in case someone else needs to go handle their battles." She cleared the history off her phone and looked at her partner again. "Do they know?"

"No. I don't think so. Go ask Steve? I'll go talk to Bruce?" She nodded, hurrying to talk to him. He slipped down to Bruce's apartment, he was off today because he had a headache. He knocked and got the doctor himself. "What do you know about a guy named Xander Harris?"

"Way too much for my own peace of mind."

"He's Darcy's little brother, he's here to visit her, and it appears he quit his last job."

Bruce grimaced. "That's going to suck for the girls," he admitted. "Probably better for his sanity though." Clint nodded quickly. "It does figure that he's related to Darcy though. They're mouthy in the same way." He considered it. "I don't have a problem with him, or his past job. I'm thankful they handled it so we didn't have to."

"Okay. We're just making sure. From what I saw, Stark didn't know about anything."

"Aw, crap," Bruce muttered. "He's going to look and freak out. I'll stop Tony."

"Thanks. Nat's talking to Cap."

"That's going to be a weird talk." He went to find Stark to talk to him. He was yelling at Darcy for daring to have her brother in his labs.

Xander looked at him. "I have a security clearance rating that the president admires," he said impatiently. "I've seen worse than your little suit and your little plans, Mr. Stark. I have a 17 security rating." Stark flinched back. "So, please, let me and my sister finish my two days left of vacation so I can leave the day after that. I promise I won't let her send me to nag you again. Okay?" He smiled at him. "Because you're not worse than bitchy girls and you're not my type to flirt with so why would I bother you." He nodded. "Hey, Doc. How's it hangin'?"

"Better. That clinic's still standing," he said with a small smile. "You retired?"

"No, I walked off before I committed mass homicide."

"I remember meeting a few of the reasons for it. I feel sorry for them but not that much with the way they acted toward the people that helped."

"I got that for many years," Xander agreed. "The last one I just walked away from and I'm kinda proud of that."

"I would be too. I remember the redhead."

"Don't mention her, she'll show up and hurt people."

"Point. So two more days?"

"Two more days, then I have an appointment that last day before I leave for wherever. My last act before I change my number so they can't find me."

"Good. I hope it goes okay. C'mon, Tony, I'll tell you about him. You're really not his type, you're not dangerous enough." He walked Tony off by hauling on his arm.

Xander looked at Darcy. "Did you intend for that when you sent me to deliver him coffee?"

"No. I thought you'd shock him enough to get out of science mode so Pepper could nag him about whatever."

"Ah." He nodded with a grin. "That's cool. I like being a force of chaos sometimes." She grinned back.

"Go do sibling things," Jane ordered with a hand wave. "Please. Before I get sick from the sweetness."

Xander looked at her. "I'm not sweetness and light, Jane. I haven't been since I was six. Definitely not since I was sixteen. I'm only goofy around my sister. And protective if she ever finds a shitbag boyfriend I can threaten." He gave her a pointed look. "Don't do what they did and underestimate people like me." He looked at Darcy. "Grab stuff and we'll go eat off a hotdog cart and go play in the park?" he asked with a grin.

"Sure!" She grabbed her sweater and hat, putting them on, grabbing her phone and wallet to put into her pockets, and they left together.

Jane looked at Hill. "Who is he? She moped about him a few times but never with any details."

"He's responsible for the world continuing a few times and he's not like the team," she said. "It's a long, bad story, Jane." She walked off to make that report to the hidden SHIELD people. They had to know the Council was vulnerable. They didn't need them to fall in a battle.

***

Darcy and Xander came back with dinner that night, running into someone in the hallway by the apartments. "Hey, Steve. This is my brother Xander."

"Hey," he said, waving his free hand.

"I learned about you earlier," Steve said with a nod.

"Yeah. The source was probably biased since half of SHIELD thought I was a tagalong sidekick sort who only happened to fix things now and then so therefore was useless and able to be taken out of the way without problem. Pity for the agents who tried that. Is she still alive?"

Steve blinked. "Natasha?"

"Yeah, the redheaded one. She tried really hard to discount me too so she fit in with my former coworkers but she failed a lot. You should ask her about Bert and Aaron." Darcy got them into her apartment. He looked at her. "I'm sorry if they rag on you because of me. Maybe I shouldn't have come."

"No!" She swatted him. "No! You needed the happies and the vacay. I needed to see you too since I haven't gotten more than emails in years, Xander. They can deal with their own ideas on their own and they won't nag me about anything. Though a few may ask if I can use a sword." He hugged her. She smiled and hugged him back. "If you weren't my brother you'd be my bestie or boyfriend." He laughed, giving her a squeeze. "Let's sit and eat." They settled in to eat the takeout while watching netflix.

Steve went back upstairs. "He told me you tried to take him out and to ask about Bert and Aaron?" he asked.

Natasha shuddered. "Please do not ask that and I was sent to integrate his former job into SHIELD. It was a failure for many reasons, most of them being a lot of teenage girls with super strength. I discounted him, and I admit that freely, because I thought the girls had the right idea about him. I did not see at that time how a normal person could handle their duties. Then Clint yelled at me, again."

"Repeatedly for days," Clint assured him with a grin. "If Darce and I had a kid, it'd be Xander. Only he really likes bladed weapons."

Steve sat down, staring at them. "And he just up and quit?"

Natasha pulled up the footage from the battle, having to get it from the country's official files instead of online because someone had hacked them all to erase them. "As usual, one of their people hacked the files so no one else can see." She let Steve have the tablet so he could watch it.

"That's more nuts than we had with Loki," Steve muttered, frowning as he watched it. He got up and went to talk to Xander. He saw the last few minutes and winced. Darcy opened the door. He held up the paused footage. "Why didn't they have military people there?" he asked. "Or agents or us?"

"Because the Council refused to let others help," Xander said, looking back at him. "They're women and they're like that. If you jump in they'll thank you, nag you, and then put you down behind your back while warning the girls about it. All but the African and South American teams. They're thankful for any help that won't kill them and told Buffy to fuck off a number of times about that stuff because they know a few special women can't handle saving the world all by themselves." He ate a bite of lo mein. "I almost went back to Africa but I'd end up doing the same job without pay and without backup. It's really not healthy."

"That's only one battle," Steve said.

Xander let out a bitter sounding snort. "Captain, I've been doing this since I was sixteen. Which means I have more battle years than you do right now." He stared at him. "I may have quit for my own sanity but it was a damn good idea before I told the girls about reality and other good things. Okay?" He smiled a bit. "You have a great night and I'll make sure nothing in my life goes near Darcy, like usual."

Steve stared at him. "I didn't mean it as an insult."

"Then you'd be the first," Darcy said dryly. "Just ask Hill." She shut the door. "Night, Steve."

"Night, Darcy and Xander." He went to talk to Natasha and Hill. He found her in the elevator and pulled her up there to talk. "He was doing that since he was sixteen?" he demanded.

"Doesn't shock us any," Clint admitted with a nod. "Their former town was a pit of hell. Kinda literally now."

Hill sat down and pulled up the file for them. "This is SHIELD's file on the group and it is very biased. The old Council hated that their special, mystical warrioress had helpers and got saved by him." She looked at Steve as he read it. "It's very biased and we've made notes in places where it was wrong."

He read through it. "He said something about Africa."

Hill winced but pulled up that file. "It's under a different name. We don't know why he was there, but we're pretty glad he was and he had sense to train them."

Steve read it, blinking hard. "What is that?" he asked, pointing at a section. She got into the film for him. He watched, going a bit pale and gagging. "That's nasty."

"Yes it probably was. The country was hiding it," Hill told him, getting comfortable. She pulled it up again when Stark stomped in looking pissed off. "It's a biased account. We took others' words for it without doing any investigation. Steve has the one from later on."

"I was on a mission to take out someone Harris was dating," Clint told them. "And found out that he was dating him to get help with an incident I had to help with. That was after Natasha bombed with the girls. We had no idea that Harris had sense, skills, and higher weapons if he could find a nice source." Hill shook her head with a sigh. "SHIELD failed so very hard with that guy's profile and history. He and I talked after I got recaptured by the boyfriend of the moment.

"The boyfriend decided to let me go and I decided he wasn't a target even though he was a problem. Because I wasn't about to let Africa fall to a battle like those. Fury hated that and yelled for days, threatened to bring me up on charges, and then Harris had a demon invade his office and nearly kill him for thinking that one guy was more important than the fate of a continent. The demon said so when he nearly ripped Fury's head off; I was handcuffed to a bolted down chair so I couldn't help."

"I ran in to help the director," Hill told them. "And got knocked out within two seconds by being shoved through a bulletproof metal wall. Thankfully not the window since we were in the air on the helicarrier."

Stark spluttered, staring at her. "Excuse me?" he demanded. She nodded. "Fury managed to kill it?"

"We had managed to talk a slayer into a SHIELD staff position. Mostly so they could keep an eye on us and we could hear anything from her. Her parents had been agents and we promised to protect her from the people that were trying to capture a slayer so they could rip her apart like they want to do to Dr. Banner. She ran in and killed it then sneered. Barton told her why and she swore at Clint for sticking up for Xander so he showed her why and she burst our crying, called Buffy, and got nagged for not making Xander retire. They're presently bitching about him having retired even though they tried to force it for years."

Steve looked up from his reading. "He needs a uniform."

"He'd never work for SHIELD because he considers the world a higher priority and he has the gift of talking ...not real helpful groups into helping him save it. He got a few militias in Africa to help him with battles."

Stark stiffened, staring at her. "Seriously? That's that guy?" He pointed. "The one that got the guys from Ten Rings?"

"Yeah," Hill said with a nod and a small grin. "That's him. He talked them into it and begged another group to help them. And they mostly died. One of the remaining ones put a contract out on his life but no one's going to take it at this point because they don't want the world to end if the girls lose. He has seven prices on his head right now."

"Six," Clint said. "One died at the last battle down there, while complaining he didn't see how Xander did this every few months. The demon that ate him supposedly purred about Xander because she'd like to own him as her own personal slave and couldn't do it. His second-in-command took out the demon before she did more than bite his boss's head off and then the local military came to clam up the battle by killing people they hated anyway."

"Fuck," Steve said, staring at him. "Seriously?"

Clint pulled up the file on that battle, letting them see it. "I saw it when it got filed." Steve watched the battle. Clint pointed. "Bad guy who had the contract right there."

"By the slayer reports they were a sorority group at a demon college off plane that came here to party," Hill said. "The girls were not amused. The local military escorted them back to their home to make sure they made it there, and reminded them that they were an evil necessity as the girls reported to Buffy."

Steve grimaced. "I would've helped them."

Hill looked at him. "They won't accept that. They hate that anyone helps because they hate it when people get hurt. They were always nagging Harris that he was getting hurt and he was normal and he wasn't as good as the girls. Which is why we're all so shocked he didn't stab Summers on his way out. Or the other one who you mention and she shows up." She pointed behind her.

"Why are you in Xander's files?" the redhead demanded.

Clint threw something at her and she froze it in midair but the building's defenses caught her in a light beam and froze her. Stark looked at Hill. "Let me guess, she uses *magic*," he sneered.

"She does, and has a slight addiction to her power," Hill said with a nod. Bruce walked in and paused then walked off. "We'll make sure she doesn't come near you, Dr. Banner," she called after him.

Xander walked out and stared then reached in and hit something on Willow's neck, sending her off. "Great. She found me already. I really need to have someone stop her," he muttered as he walked off. He came back and got into a set of files. "Lot less biased by people who know I'm not an idiot savant, Hill. At least use the real files instead of trying to get them to nag me like the bitches did." He walked off again. Maybe he'd go to a hotel. Though Willow would show up and destroy the hotel. Darcy and he warded her apartment so she didn't have to deal with the stupid witches of the world before they went to bed.

Hill looked at the source of those files. "A group of agents rampaging around Africa handling problems. Interesting sources." Steve got them into those and they all read them.

Stark sighed after a few, looking at Hill. "Is he going to be staying up here?"

"He'd never get Lewis involved. Almost no one outside this group knew they were related until today. Some of his boyfriends will hate that he's retired and think he's not as exciting or as useful to them but they shouldn't come after her."

Natasha nodded. "We'd hear if those sort show up in this city, Stark. They don't tend to be quiet about their travels." She looked at Hill. "There is a worry if he goes to one of them for work."

"I doubt he would. It might endanger more people," Hill said. "I'm trying to figure out who I could refer him to as a career."

"He could bodyguard," Clint suggested.

"He isn't known to have good focus," Hill said. "And I doubt he'd want that sort of stress in his life. He seems like he's tired."

"Teaching degree?" Natasha suggested.

"That might be good for him and he certainly has patience with teenagers," Hill said, texting that suggestion to Darcy's phone. She got back 'Xander hates classroom education'. "He's anti-college. Remembering anything about his former town's school system, it probably figures." She rubbed her forehead again.

"Why is it a former town?" Stark asked. She pulled up a single file for him to read the paragraph long report. He stared. "I remember when that happened. They said it was an earthquake."

"Not like they could tell people it was a battle for humanity," Clint said sarcastically. "You should see the remains, it's creepy. I went to look it over to find the old National Guard base. Which was mostly sucked into the portal to hell."

Stark glared at him. "What portal to hell!" Hill texted Darcy so she sent Xander out. He sighed as he walked in. "Portal to hell?" he demanded.

"Which one?" Xander asked. Stark was spluttering.

"He wanted to know why your town was former," Clint said.

"Yeah, that thing. Well, the hellmouth seal, which was not the hellmouth itself, got opened by the First Evil and sealing her back in sucked in the town." He looked at Stark. "Did you want to talk about hellmouths, which are thin spots that can be opened so you can get to a hell dimension or realm? Or one of the area specific gates to a hell realm or dimension? Because I've seen both," he said dryly, crossing his arms over his chest and canting his weight to the right. Something appeared and he punched it, knocking her out. He looked down. "I know Willow sent you, that's pathetic of her." He looked at Hill then at Natasha. "If you really want to get in with them, you can drag her home. They're going to need people with sense since I'm not there and most of the slayers with sense are on the DL so in Hawaii."

Natasha got up to look at her. "She's young."

"She's probably seventeen." He looked down. "That's Mirin, she's seventeen and Buffy's her goddess." He nodded a bit. "She tried to stab me for daring to tell her how to kill the demon that was going to kill her, and nearly did kill her because she didn't listen. She's a slay them all sort of slayer as well so pathetic for that as well." He looked at Stark again. "Which type of portal to hell did you want to talk about, Mr. Stark?"

"They can't be that common."

Xander pulled up things on his phone, smiling some. "Willow tried to hack my phone. That's sweet of her. Thankfully it's on a locked micro SD card." He let Hill have his phone and she read it over before Stark snatched it from her. "The list was at the end," he told Hill.

"I saw. I'm horrified."

He nodded. "Yeah, I was my first few times too. Then it was spring again." He shrugged. "They always seem to like the spring," he sighed.

"You could become a teacher," Clint said.

"I can't stand a classroom thing, but thanks, dude. I suck at classroom learning. I liked working construction but missing an eye means I can't be hired for that anymore. Or any of the associated specialty trades from what I've learned." Stark was making growling noises at his phone. Xander took it from him. "At least you're not in Cleveland. This city's demon underground is quietly uptight and stays out of everyone's way." He stared at him. "They aren't causing any harm and have helped a lot of things get calmed down. Even after your invasion thing because they operated shelters and food banks to help things get back to normal.

"They'd like respect but they know that humans aren't built that way for the most part." Steve cleared his throat. "Don't even, you sneered at a young one who was carrying his mother's purse and called him a purse snatcher, then broke his leg trying to bring him down for it," he warned. "We heard all about it as soon as we got into town. They warned me a lot to stay away from you." He looked at Hill again. "They're going to come looking for her."

"Probably," she admitted. "Go hide, Harris." He got his phone back and left them to handle it. Hill got her team to come grab the young slayer. Anyone looking would find her in the security office instead.

"The guy I stopped was being yelled at to stop," Steve said.

"My mother used to yell at me to stop too," Hill admitted. "I used to run ahead of her all the time." Steve winced. "We issued an apology but they're not going to be less than wary because you bring attention and them getting attention would mean they could die, Steve," she said quietly. "It's not your fault." He nodded, relaxing again. She looked at Stark. "A lot of people would like it if you found a way to heal those rips, Stark, but no one can figure that out so far. You can frustrate Richards by showing him about them."

Stark stared at her, then shook his head. "I'm not that mean, even to Reed Richards," he admitted. "Because that's evil." She smiled at him. "What do we do about all this?"

"Ignore it like you have for years," Hill said bluntly. "Until it happens around you."

"Does Lewis know about all this?" Stark asked.

"No. She probably has very little idea and he kept her out of it for her own safety and sanity. I'm fairly certain she can't stake or use a sword. Or Harris' battle axe."

"Do we need to know how to do those things?" Steve asked her.

"It might not harm things if you learned but I doubt it'll be a major skill set you'll need often," Hill said. "They've been hiding battles since time was invented. They've managed to hide two invasion level events in the last five years. So unless someone like Loki calls on demons you should be all right to just casually figure out how to use a sword."

He nodded. "I can do that." He looked at the others. "Stark, anything we should plan on needing weapons wise?"

"How would I know?" he demanded. "I had no idea that any of this was more than some tacky fantasy novel ideas."

"Okay, is there anything that might become easier if we have a sudden demon invasion show up?"

"Beheading," Hill said. "It's the most typical for any problem."

"Not many beings can work without their heads," Natasha agreed.

"Yeah, I..." Stark got up and walked off. "I can work on how to behead things if I have to. Apparently it'd be a really good idea." Too bad the doors in his tower didn't slam, he really wanted to slam something and throw a teenage girl fit right then.

Steve looked at Hill. "Can you get us some sort of manual that the slayers use to train about the various types of demons?"

"We have one stolen from them but I'm not sure where it ended up," Natasha said.

"In my office," Hill said. "I'll make it available to the team." She stood up. "Harris is a goofy, nice guy until you get into his face," she told them. "He has been before. Never underestimate him because he seems like a goofy guy; we made that mistake and the former director nearly lost his life for that. Harris is competent but not vocal about it thanks to the nagging he went through for years. Nearly ten years," she realized. "Don't think he's helpless because he lost an eye, don't wonder who he's dating because there might be a reason, or they're just fun, but if you see him heading for a problem, it's a big one. He doesn't run for anything short of a huge problem. If you see him with his battle axe and he's running, report in." She left them to talk.

Steve looked at Natasha. "How can I best help?"

"Jump in. They won't allow for anything else. Also, don't talk to Summers. She has an airhead act that's a bit too good. I've seen her giving people headaches with it."

"We can do that," Steve agreed. "Can you train with me?"

"I can. Though I don't know much about swords, I can learn with you." He smiled and nodded, going to lay down and think. These things had been around all along and he had never noticed them. How could a threat this big have gone on around him without him noticing?

***

Xander knocked on the door about five minutes before his appointment time, stepping in when the butler opened the door. "I'm Xander Harris and I have an appointment," he said quietly.

"Do you have a card, sir?"

"I need to talk to him about the group I just left, not my present life." The butler showed him into a sitting room and left him there until the master of the house walked in about a half-hour later. Xander stood up, holding out a hand. "Sir."

"Why are you here, whelp?" he demanded, not shaking it.

"Because I'm no longer with the Council but there's problems brewing that aren't my business any longer." He stared at him. Then he smiled slightly. "Think of it as fair warning if someone, who didn't want to talk to me, doesn't handle her."

The man winced. "It figures." He sat down. "So what has went on?"

Xander sat down, staring at him. "Sixteen Council related magic incidents that aren't exactly on the side of the light. Including our witches, the coven, and a few that we've found. They're warping the young ones as well."

The man winced. "Normally that one you said wouldn't see you would handle it."

"Yes but he won't. Then again, he's a stuck up asshole at times, especially about those who could sneeze and destroy him."

The man snorted. "She cannot."

"Yes she can. She nearly did it once but someone used a wish to cancel the earthquake. Someone really should thank Dawn for that some day soon considering she lost her blood innocence to stop the deaths."

The man sat up straighter. "Excuse me?" Xander pulled up a file and let him have his phone to read it. "This was not noted."

"And the redheaded menace hacks," he quipped. "She's the one who removes all the battle films and notes from the internet with a magical imp that holds a computer virus."

"Crap," he muttered. He handed the phone back. "I will intercede so you two can talk."

"Please. I leave later tonight to go to France. My last boyfriend wanted to talk to me and bought the tickets. I fly out of Kennedy at 7pm."

"I'll let him know. Sixteen events?"

"Bad enough that someone needs to hear, yup." He nodded slightly. The man winced. "We're kinda happy that she changed the VP back from a puppy last night as well."

"Why is she changing people?"

"I have no idea. I just really hate it. Especially since the last time she got me I was in a village that was having a drought, while training the local slayer, and the minister was praying for a relief from the lack of food. Two minutes later I was a goat." The man winced. "Want to see the knife and fork marks from where I had to get away from 'em?"

"Is that in that sixteen?"

"No. It didn't make the cut for bad enough."

The man nodded. "Let me call him." He got up and went to his office to call his friend to see this one. He came back. "He has time right now to see you if you can do it in under twenty-five minutes."

"He only lives three houses up," Xander said. "Thank you for your time and help." He shook his hand. "I hope you never have to deal with these problems." He was shown out by the butler and walked up there, knocking and being let in. He nodded at the butler. "I'm Xander Harris, former watcher."

"He's in his study, sir." He led him that way. "Mr. Harris, sir."

Xander walked in and put the envelope in front of the guy behind the desk. He turned and caught the weapon that came flying at him, petting it. "Hi, baby. Were you bored?" he asked, sitting down to pet it. "Sixteen events bad enough that she's abridged her white light vows and brought the coven and her students with her. Nothing as minor as changing the VP to a puppy for a week, but these are all big things."

The man behind the desk grimaced. "I do not like dealing with her."

"You should thank Dawn for losing her blood innocence by making a wish to undo Willow sneezing and opening the hellmouth three meters wide in a way that meant it couldn't be closed."

The sorcerer stared at him. "When was this?"

"Six months ago. Dawn cast a wish." He went back to petting the sword since it was wiggly. He snapped his fingers. "By the way, by the visions, the things that're coming to kill all magic and destroy it by eating it, you have the cure but it's locked in your basement."

"There were visions?" he demanded. Xander smiled and nodded. "Who?" He wiggled his fingers. "How correct are you?"

"Off time only."

"Damn," he muttered. He opened the envelope to look at the noted incidents. It had reports on what happened by agents and others. He stopped at the second one. "No one handled her after this?"

Xander looked then shook his head. "That was one I debated including for being too fluffy."

The sorcerer stared at him. "Could not someone stop her?"

"Don't even encourage me to go kill her. I nearly did when I walked away and I'm still at that point since she tried to hurt my sister recently." He stared at him. "Not to mention turning me into a goat in front of a minister that had just prayed for help with their drought and food problems."

"She did what?" Xander pulled up his shirt to show the scars. "Is that a fork mark?"

"Yes. It was. I managed to get away before someone made her change me back. Apparently Willow was complaining that I had led a battle that meant Africa wasn't invaded and she was going on and on and on about how the girls should've been doing that since they were five, six, and eight in that area."

The sorcerer grimaced. "Someone must handle her."

"Which is kinda your job, right?" Xander asked with a grin. "Since I walked away there's no one there to yell 'bad witch' at her and the coven. The slayers with sense are all on the disabled list and healing in Hawaii right now."

"Oh, dear." He went back to reading, eyebrows climbing a few times. The next to last one made him crumple it and glare at the paper. He went onto the last one and was happier it was less than the one before but it was still horrifying. "Someone really should talk to the young woman and the coven that supposedly mentors her." He looked at him. "Which is why you came to my compatriot and then me."

Xander nodded. "I'm not going to be there to do it. I've had to put on protections so she can't fealty curse me again. Twice."

"Are there worse than this list?"

"Yes," Xander said with a nod. "But that would get her final striked and destroy a lot of places, including this city when she fought back." Dr. Strange nodded once, leaning back and making himself relax. "I have no idea where to turn about her problems. I know why. I grew up with her so I realized when she was growing into the magic addiction. I've seen it up close and personal at times. I saw it when she was using magic to remove memories on her girlfriend, who was a native born witch and trained right."

"That's magical domestic abuse."

"Which they broke up for," Xander assured him. "She nearly destroyed the earth in her grief when they managed to get back together, without coercion, but Tara was killed a few minutes later in front of her."

"I feel sympathy for that but someone has to handle her." Xander nodded. "I could lock her powers up." Xander shrugged. "You don't think so?"

"I think she's tending toward chaos sorcerer honestly. Some of what she's done is outside wicca style magic."

"Oh, this makes more sense."

Xander nodded. "Someone's got to handle her or teach her or whatever. I can't be that person. I don't want to be that person, and honestly I'd like to never see her again at this moment. Honestly and truthfully, you're a method of last resort. The coven isn't reining her in. They've joined in a few times. They didn't even yell at her about turning me into a goat. It was one of the students she's training in magic that yelled at her about turning me into a goat and made her change me back. My trainee slayer called Buffy to yell at her and Buffy wouldn't. They cover each other's asses and weak spots plus validate each other." He stood up, handing back the sword, that seemed to pout at him. "Baby, I can't have you right now. I've got to fly to France later tonight and they won't let me take you with me."

The sorcerer took the sword from him. "I'll make sure you can visit him in the near future." He looked at the boy. "What are you doing now?"

"I don't know. I'm resisting the urge to go back to Africa and handle problems without authority but that'll just give me more problems and I wouldn't have the money to travel since I'm not being paid for it. Plus it'd give them hope I'd come back. Which..." He shook his head. "If humanity is endangered I'll jump in but otherwise no. I can't take it anymore. Yesterday made ten years of nagging, bitching, telling me I'm normal and useless, helpless, and in the way. I suggest that they adopt some agents but I know they won't." He sighed. "I don't want to unload on you. Just letting you know you have a problem that could seriously hurt someone soon." He nodded. "Thank you for your time. Have a great life." He left.

The sorcerer looked over the incidents again before going to scry the young witch. She clearly felt him doing it because she tried to block him and flipped off the air where she felt the magic coming from. He sneered, looking at her misdeeds through the Eye of Agomoto. She was definitely a problem. The coven members around her all carried spells on them clouding them to others' deeds. Perhaps he could have them removed somehow. He knew some of the demon species he had learned about ate magic so perhaps one could help.

***

Xander looked up from walking away from his boyfriend, who wanted him to become his full time concubine. That was not the job he was wanting right now. Maybe in a few years, when he was more sore every day, but not yet. He felt the magic coming in and moved out of the stream of the sidewalk traffic, looking around. Yup, there was the redhead. She shrieked and sent magic at him. He picked up a nearby trashcan to block it. "What are you doing?" he demanded. The people were wisely fleeing.

"You told people that I'm evil!"

"You're proving it right now," he shot back. "Attacking with magic around normal people? Really? You and the coven must really love having to hack footage to keep out of public sight." She blew something at him again and he blocked it with the trash can again. She was stomping towards her and so was a police officer. "Dude, don't," he called. "Just don't, she'll hurt you!" The officer scowled at him. Willow ignored it. Until one of the civilians wanted to help by knocking her out. She sneered and hit magic at him. The officer pounced her and ended up floating but a large lizard. She was stomping toward him again. "Sure, I have to deal with this," he decided, dropping the can. He pulled out his collapsible staff, walking out there. "What is your problem this time, Rosenburg?"

"You told him to take me out."

"No, I told someone who could be your behavior monitor since you spelled the coven to ignore your misdeeds. Your addiction is showing again," he sneered. "This proves it." She sneered back and tried to hit him with a spell. He swung at her with the staff.

She burst out crying. "How could you! You're evil!"

"You just tried to kill me four different times, Willow, and got two civilians. I'm not the evil one and if I have to stop your ass it's my duty. Not like anyone else will. Apparently I was mistaken that someone who had the responsibility to stop magic addictions would stop yours."

"He's already been blinded," she sneered. "You won't stop me. You're *normal*."

"Not really. You just never looked because you were more important to you than anything else. Including your lovers." She tried to hit him and he punched her. "No. You won't get to do that, Willow. I know better than to let you touch me." She sneered and pulled up a lot of magic. She was glowing with it. He readied himself. "I stopped you from ending humanity, you're not going to win now.

"Even if you kill me you won't win." She threw that spell at him and he shifted, letting it hit his arm. She was smirking but he fought off the spell and punched her again, knocking her down and out. He rubbed his arm with a sigh. "I'm going to fuck up your life, Rosenburg. Your magic addiction has gotten *way* out of hand." He looked to the side when someone was sneaking towards him. "She's Council," he said bluntly. "And has a magic addiction."

"You're American," the officer said, pausing in his sneaking up on them. Xander nodded. "Is she?"

"Yup. I grew up with the brat. Earlier I told someone who should have helped her with her addiction problem that she was a huge problem he had underestimated." He twisted the pole's center, letting it collapse again. He tucked it into his front pocket. "You need something to nullify magic."

"We have a set of restraints specially made for this, sir," the officer said, moving toward him. "Who are you?"

"Former Council. I walked because of the sneering I got after almost ten years." He looked at the officer. "Don't ever turn your back on her. She's been helping us hunt for a decade. The anniversary was a few days back." He moved the officer when the chanting was heard, getting them both out of the way behind a car. The magical explosion made him wince. "At least you'll get her with a migraine. If you can't get her, she'll either be in Devon, England, or in Cleveland with the new Council." He looked at him. "I told the guy who's over problem witches to look at her due to her doing things like this."

"All right. Are you all right? Need medical help?"

Xander rubbed his arm, shaking his head. "I can find someone to take the spell off my arm and ER's are creepy. Thanks though." He looked. "I should go. It might make her stop."

"Why did she start?" another officer demanded.

"Because I quit the other day after a decade of hell thanks to her and our other friend," Xander said bluntly. "Then I told someone who should have been watching how bad she actually is. This is her reaction to that," he said with a hand wave. "I need to get this spell eaten. Thank you for clearing the civilians." He spotted his boyfriend and shrugged, heading off to the local demon community. They were hiding but one of them let him in and he let the demons who could eat magic eat that spell to kill him slowly.

He rolled his neck muscles around a few times. "Guys, I quit the Council," he noted. "Because of the bitches. So if you hear about someone who could use me, let me know? I could use a new job that paid me actual living wages." They nodded. The eating ones let him go and he tipped one. "Thank you." He snuck out the back, heading back to the airport. His boyfriend picked him up to go to the hotel for the night. Xander could like the babying. He could really use it.

***

Darcy was watching the news. "God damn Rosenburg," she complained quietly. Steve was walking behind the couch and paused to watch it, grunting in displeasure. "Yeah, that's the redheaded menace that made my brother leave." She looked up at him. "At least one of those spells would've destroyed my brother or others."

He leaned on the back of the couch. "How do you fight magic?"

"You can duck sometimes but otherwise you have to stop the witch while casting. Distracting her somehow. Sudden pain, sudden mental distraction, however. Xander threw a rock at one to stop them."

Steve nodded. "Yeah, that's a good way. Thanks. Is he all right?"

"Yeah, he limped off and probably went to find someone to eat the magic that caught him." She grimaced. "Some demons do eat magic and I'm sure France has some of those. Plus his former boyfriend wanted him over there so maybe they'll make him eat and rest."

"That's a good thing that boyfriends can do for you," Steve agreed. "Let me know if something happens that I can help, Darcy." She nodded. He went back to his trek to his rooms. Xander had seemed goofy when he wasn't instructing them on something. Clearly he was a warrior like Thor was.

Darcy kept watching, ignoring the emails she was being sent by one of the slayers. That one was bitching about Xander telling on Willow. Darcy finally got fed up and wrote back that Xander should have turned in Willow sooner since she was misusing her magic and that sort of misuse was not only wrong but warping and evil. Did the slayers want to be associated with evil? She left it there even though the young one screamed back at her that Willow wasn't the evil one, Xander was. She texted Xander that maybe he should tell others, including the press, so they had to leave him alone. It would cause some stress, and a lot of public screaming, but it might protect the normals from Rosenburg and Summers.

***

Darcy decided she was going to help her brother. Who was injured this week thanks to the slayers siccing something on him. She had sent him a warning but he had just groaned back. She walked into Pepper's office, looking at her desk. "Got ten?"

"Probably. Why?"

Darcy tossed down four books. "Xander's patrol journals and," she said, tossing down another one. "His hunting journal. The first is facts and reports for official types. The other is his personal journal. I told him I was going to help but he just groaned." She smiled. "Can someone use that?"

Pepper looked through the patrol journals, blinking at some things. "When did we have that invasion?"

Darcy looked then at her. "They called it a movie stunt."

Pepper winced. "You could've went to Hill."

"Hill is scared of my brother and wouldn't be able to let those be spread. Agents would hide it, Pepper."

"Probably true. This could hurt those young women."

"Who sicced a great, evil, summoned demon on Xander. He's in the hospital for the next two days so I'm going to go hang out with him."

Pepper licked her lips. "I can ask if anyone's interested in seeing it."

"Congress wanted to hold a hearing after the LA invasion like they did with the one here locally but the Council somehow got them stopped."

Pepper smiled. "We'll see about that. Was he there?"

"They refused to recall him." She picked up one journal to flip through, coming to a bookmark. "That's what he was doing instead." She let her have the book.

Pepper winced. "That's sad."

"Very."

"All right. I can see if others would like to know."

"The only way to keep them from turning the girls back into solitary little warriors again is to shine a lot of light and to get them a lot of help they probably don't want at the moment. The old ways, the ones that died when they were exploded, were horrible. Now...it's less horrible but sliding back slowly."

"I can ask some people and Hill," Pepper said. Darcy smiled and left her to make some calls. She paged Hill and then her PR department. The PR department was on site so they got there first. "This is from Darcy Lewis' brother, Xander Harris. He was part of the Council."

"The what?" one asked. The other one stiffened, staring at her.

Pepper stared at her. "Relative to one or were you sent here to spy?"

"I didn't want to patrol. They do let us choose."

"They also kept up on Xander until he quit and walked away before he killed Summers and the redheaded one we were warned not to mention the name of."

The young woman nodded. "Yeah, she does. Where is Harris?"

"In the hospital after those ones summoned something to kill him." She winced. "I'm pretty sure he defeated it and someone somewhere knows." Hill walked in. "These are his patrol journals and his personal journal." She handed them over. "Darcy said they're backsliding to the old ways and the only way to stop it is to get them even more help."

The almost slayer nodded quickly. "Yeah, it could help. They're all battle worn."

"Xander got nagged for his nearly ten years with them," Hill told her. "He walked for a very good reason. The film of that battle got pulled by the FBI."

"Can we undo that?" Pepper asked with a smile.

"No."

"Congress wanted to talk to the Council and they stopped it somehow, Hill."

"I'm aware, Pepper, but it could cause a lot more problems for the slayers. There's idiots who would try to take out the girls for being female."

The slayer nodded. "Yeah, we've already had those. That's why Buffy suspended dating." She looked at Hill then at Pepper. "I agree, it could both help and hurt."

"That's a matter for PR," Pepper said simply with a smile. "You have fun with that."

She nodded. "I can do that. Thanks." She looked at Hill. "Are you going to get in the way?"

"The remains of SHIELD would like not to endanger humanity any."

"The slayers getting help would only help humanity. Especially in some areas." She walked off with her coworker, going over the journals. They could make even Stark cry with how noble they could make the slayers appear. And how dirty some of the watchers were. Plus put out information on magic addictions. It was clearly a necessity before Willow destroyed a city the next time.

Hill looked at Pepper. "That's going to cause a lot of hell."

"It might get the girls protected and helped, Hill. Yes, some people will complain that women are protecting them. Yay."

"Fine. I can agree with that reasoning. Let's hope it has a mostly positive outcome."

"Rosenburg tried to destroy Paris to get Xander," Pepper told her. "How much worse can it get?"

"True." She went to warn the teams. This was going to get messy.

***

Darcy took her phone back from the guard who had snatched her purse to go through. "Sorry, I have to call my boss so she knows I won't be at work today. And possibly not for a few days." She hit the speed dial button. "Great, voicemail," she muttered. "She's in science land. Hey, Janey, it's Darcy. I can't be in today. Someone snatched me and Xander from his hospital room and are insisting we're staying with them for a bit. I'll let you know when he's better and all." She hung up and put her phone back into her bag. Then glared at the smirking guard. "You're damn lucky it isn't next week, when I'll need girl things and have clothes in there." She was let into a room. "Hey, Xan-Xan."

"What're you doing here?" he asked quietly.

"I have no clue, dear." She kissed him on the forehead. "I was visiting you when some thugs decided they wanted our attention turned on them."

He blinked, looking around the room. "Borgi."

"Well it's good you know them. I'll assume they're not that big of a problem or threat to me then." She settled beside him on the bed to cuddle him.

An older asian man walked in and smiled at them. "We don't mind that Xander has a lover outside of me, miss."

"Eww, I'm not into incest," she said firmly, glaring at him. "Xander's my little brother, dude, and I'm highly overprotective of him."

He smiled more brightly. "Even better!" He clapped his hands and leaned down to kiss Xander on the temple. "Good morning, Xander."

"Thank you for saving me from the slayers," he said. "But her bosses are going to be pissed and they're not easy sorts."

"Really?" He looked at her. "Who do you work for? We can send them a note."

"I called Jane myself and got her voicemail but you might want to send one to Stark telling him it's not a serious kidnaping so they don't get stupid."

"You work for Tony Stark?"

"No, I work for Jane Foster, who works in Tony Stark's lab and is Thor's girlfriend." She smiled.

"We'll gladly send a nice note saying you're not in trouble, we just took you to make sure the icky little bitches don't bother you while you're making your brother feel better." He nodded at Xander. "Hungry?"

"Not yet. Hurts." He shifted and winced. "Fuck."

Borgi looked at his back and grimaced. "I'll have my personal doctor come check you over, Xander. He should be here in an hour." He kissed him on the lips this time but very gently. "Try to rest, dear." He left, going to call his personal doctor.

Darcy looked down at him. "At least they can't attack the hospital now like Willow tried to have Paris destroyed." He cuddled her. She cuddled back. He needed it and she was happy to hand out cuddles anyway.

***

Pepper Potts came down to meet with the man in person. "Yes," she said with a smile. "Is there a problem?"

"Mr. Borgi sends this with his regards, Ms. Potts," he said, holding out the letter. "He did not want anyone to panic and made sure I was to tell you that the lab assistant is just helping her brother heal. They're safe and Mr. Borgi has had his personal physician in to come look at his lover."

"I can let others know that. Is this about Darcy?"

"I was not told her name, ma'am," he said respectfully, nodding at the big, blond guy stomping toward him. "Lord Thor, my boss told me to make sure that you knew the one he took to safely rest is all right and he has no intention of harming her. He thought she was dating his lover and was happy that he had someone softer than him but is just as happy with her being his sister."

"Darcy?" he demanded.

"Apparently," Pepper said, opening the letter. "It's not a ransom note at least." She looked at the guard. "She is to call one of us each and every single day."

"I can make sure of that but she didn't have her phone charger on her, ma'am. We'll try to arrange it. Mr. Borgi was quite concerned about the slayers and others having that hospital attacked to get at his Xander." She winced. "They had already tried that so he was being protective." He nodded at them. "Have a good day." He left.

Pepper looked at Thor, then they went upstairs together with the head of the security teams. Hill joined them in the elevator and got handed the letter.

Hill looked it over, nodding once. "I know that name, he's not a nice person but he does care for those he likes. He treats his minions well." She handed it to Stark as they got off the elevator in the Avengers meeting room area.

Stark read it, grimacing. "Who?"

"Borgi," Hill said, making Natasha huff but nod.

Pepper sat down at the table. "The minion he sent said that he evacuated Xander from the hospital before the slayers and others attacked it again. He thought Darcy was Xander's lover instead of his sister but he's just as happy about that relationship. Jane, check your voicemail?" She did and moaned at the message Darcy had left her. "Okay, so what are we doing?"

"We are going to make sure no one attacks a hospital," Hill said, sending out that text message to someone. "Otherwise...I'm not sure. The military is going to try to take over again. The last time Harris had the whole military team eaten for trying the girls." She looked up.

Natasha looked at Clint, who nodded to the right. "We can go help the girls defend themselves," she said. "They will at least remember me."

"Thank you," Hill said. "The two local ones are by the Balthazar Club." Natasha nodded at that. "I'll get you the actual address."

"Thank you," she agreed. She looked at Jane then at Stark, who was still fuming. "He will not harm her. He has only hurt one minion in a fit of rage and went on an immediate retreat to get a handle on his temper because of it. He is most generous and takes good care of his people. I would imagine he takes good care of his lovers as well."

"The one kid he has he spoils rotten from afar," Clint agreed. "She talks to him on the phone, on the video system, but not in person so he can't dirty her. An agent asked her mother about that and she told them that. He demanded they do it that way to protect her and the baby."

"So he's an ethical, nice guy who deals arms," Stark said dryly.

"To those who are fighting civil wars that are just," Natasha agreed. "He's very picky about who he sells to, Stark."

Tony rubbed his forehead. "That's great. Should we worry about anything Darcy might tell him?"

"She doesn't know anything to be asked about," Clint said.

"She knows the building layout," Steve said quietly. "She knows things about all of us. She's seen what Stark and Jane are working on. Could he be giving that information to someone if he gets it out of her?"

"First, Darcy would never tell anyone anything," Jane said.

"Torture loosens everyone's tongue," Steve said.

Jane stared at him. "Yeah, she'd know that." Hill flinched. "Thanks to some idiot in London actually." Steve winced. "She still didn't say a thing because she doesn't know anything, Steve. She compiles my data, she doesn't understand it. It was an unintentional security I didn't realize when I hired her as my intern."

"We would never blame someone for what they said under torture," Stark said bluntly, staring at Steve. "Even you." He looked at Jane. "I have no doubt that Darcy could bullshit her way into giving false information." She nodded. "Who was that one?"

"A scientist that wanted my work to validate his own. And his girlfriend who wanted so much to help him get on top of the field. He had her for about a day and a half. Plus I'm pretty damn sure that even if Xander's on his death bed he'll get up to help his sister. He's done it for girls he wasn't related to and he hated." She stared at Steve. Then at Sam. "Maybe you should help him with his delusions?"

"We can talk about his semi-reasonable paranoia later," he said dryly. "He had a point that someone could say something that might compromise the facility or the team but it's not a huge worry. They'd have more luck with a janitor because we'd never notice if they went missing." He looked at Stark. "That's not a reason to build more robots."

"Half the cleaning team is already robotic," he shot back. He looked at Steve. Then at Jane. "You've met Xander?"

"I talked to him twice on the phone," she admitted. "He stays away from her to protect her."

"How are they related?" Hill asked.

"Her daddy had an affair at a concert," Jane said with a grimace. "Darcy put it as shit men do while drunk." Stark nodded he agreed with that, sipping his coffee. "He's a strong guy, done things that I think belong in a comic book, but he'll protect Darcy."

"That's good, but what if the slayers or someone attacks there?" Sam asked, looking at Natasha and Clint.

"Borgi is nice, not a pushover and Xander would probably try to help then too by his profile."

"That's good to know," Sam agreed. "So she's probably very safe, just fussing over her brother."

"We hope so," Hill agreed. "I have no reason to think he'd lie about that. He did send a very polite guard to tell us she was all right." Stark nodded at that.

"I told him she had to call someone every day," Pepper told them. "He warned she didn't have her phone charger on her but he'd try to make sure of it."

"How injured is her brother?" Sam asked.

Hill pulled up the medical records. "An agent got them for the records." She let them see it.

"He...are those claw cuts?" Steve asked, looking a bit sickened at the medical pictures.

Hill looked then shook her head. "Knives." She pulled up film of the battle when she found it was uploaded. "Someone finally hacked the Council to get the files back." She let them see that. Steve was wincing as the fight went on. "He had to have been exhausted. He's usually more bouncy."

"Fuck," Stark muttered when Xander got back up to finish the demon even though he was bleeding. Then he fell to his knees and officers came over to help him. Xander waved a hand but couldn't stand up so they got him to an ER.

Clint reached over to pause it. "That one," he said with a point. "Is a minion of Herrick."

Natasha nodded, pointing at another one. "We knew he was meeting to trade with Perir. Who that one belongs to. That's Perir's personal assistant."

Hill made those notes. "I recognize this one," she said with a point at a woman on the other side.

"That's Henry's wife," Clint told her, giving her a look. "I have no idea if they know the kid or not."

"Not her. This one." She moved closer to point more directly.

Natasha squinted. "Bad video quality on the edges. That could be Helena DeOrtenic."

"The assassin?" Hill demanded.

"Harris has dated a number," Natasha reminded her.

"Point. Huh. Well, if we find her we can ask." She canceled the video out, looking at the team. "Yeah, the guy's like that all the time."

"Sure, he'll definitely be protecting his sister," Sam agreed. "The guy spent ten years defending people he hated so I have no doubt he'll help his beloved sister."

"Okay, so we don't worry about Darcy unless she can't call," Steve decided. "How do we keep this sort of problem from happening again?"

"Hopefully they won't want her again if she's not with him all the time," Jane said. "We can ask her when she comes back."

"Good," Steve agreed. "Should we put a tracker on her maybe?"

"We have one we can put on her," Stark agreed. "Both inserted and a wearable version if she's squeamish."

"She has the inserted version, it doesn't work," Jane said. "SHIELD had her stuck when we went to Tromso and after the attack on the facility to get the scientists." Hill grimaced, looking that up. "Did they figure out why?"

"They think it's something to do with her body chemistry," Hill said. "Can the external one be camouflaged?"

"We can put it into her favorite bracelet," Stark agreed. "They're less likely to be removed than a necklace or a watch. I can try to think up a ring with it but they can get in the way."

"It could help others as well," Hill said.

Jane's phone rang and she snatched it off the table to answer. "Hey, Darcy." She listened. "We did get into that film, an agent found it and took it back from them....oh, okay. I'll let Hill know he said that they probably boobytrapped the file somehow." Hill looked and nodded, sending a message to someone. "Yeah, she did, Darce. Are you okay?" She listened. "Is he okay?" She winced. "Yeah, that's gotta suck. No, we're watching to make sure they don't try the hospital anyway. Yeah, call us daily. I'll leave my phone with someone if I have to. Good. Tell him I said to feel better and I hope the ones that had him attacked don't attack there."

"Ask him if he knows Helena DeOrtenic," Natasha said.

"Natasha wanted to know if he knows Helena DeOrtenic." She listened to Darcy ask that and smiled at the laughter. "Yeah, he's giggling and they don't have pain killers for him." Darcy said something. "Awww. He said he nearly married that woman, she reminded him of his almost wife Anya, but she refused to do more than sleep with him and feed his chocolate habit."

"She was on the feed from the fight," Clint told her.

Jane repeated that. "Aww, she's already broke in to snuggle him and whoever has them said it was sweet of her but he wouldn't interrupt. There was enough Xander to go around. She's not sure what'll happen when they find out he quit...." She listened to the guy in there with them telling them that Xander had jobs waiting and they were all happy he wasn't being that injured any longer. A few of the other interested parties might mind that he retired but most of them had seen why already at least once. Jane repeated that for the group and they got back to asking about Xander's health since it was a monitored call. "Okay," Jane said at the end. "You behave and take care of Xander. We'll be here waiting on you. I'll leave my phone out so someone can answer if I'm busy, and we'll talk to you tomorrow. Yes, I'll water your plant, Darcy. Night." She hung up and put the phone on the table.

Stark shook his head. "He dates assassins and arms dealers on purpose?"

"They're the ones who like him," Hill said. "That one he mentioned, Anya, had been a vengeance demon before getting fired." She shifted in her seat. "She was the one that abused wives and girlfriends called, Stark."

"That's probably a nasty history," he decided, sucking in a breath to let out slowly. "Damn glad that's not me." He got up. "Let me know if I need to do more than come up with a pretty tracker." He went to his lab to not consider that guy.

Hill looked at Bruce, who had been quietly in the corner. "If we bring you blood and tissue samples, could you tell us why he's so unusual?"

"X gene?" he guessed.

"No. He tests negative but oddly. We could never figure it out and anytime we got a sample it melted."

"I can look at it," he agreed with a nod. "Do we have any idea which direction to look?"

"No. No one knows much of anything about him." Bruce grimaced but nodded. "All we know is the barest of history. He backed up Summers in Sunnydale until the town sank and then he went to Africa to train slayers. That is literally most of what we know about his history. That and his parents were drunks. We know his blood does not test normally, he doesn't respond to some meds normally. We have his records from when he had malaria."

"I'll need anything you have on his prior treatments. Do we have any from his youth?"

"We don't believe he went," she said. "He was noted as saying that stitches on the back were easier when the redheaded menace did them for him."

"That's harsh," Clint said. "He does his own stitches?"

"Apparently," Hill agreed. Jane's phone rang and Jane answered it. Hill looked at him. "You two seem to be alike," she said quietly.

Jane hung up. "They're having to evacuate Xander and Darcy to his main house instead of this rented safe house due to a demon wanting to take him out to up his status. So they're going to Greece."

Hill nodded, making that note to her former coworkers over that way. They could leave them both alone for now. She looked at Jane. "Any other good news?"

"A few of his other lovers showed up to help protect him. Apparently Xander is not known to be the sort that would let people protect him but he's not able to fight right now. He had admitted to the ones on his back and not that his wrist is broken or that he's got at least a bruised rib."

"He was fighting with that many injuries?" Natasha asked, considering it. "That's training."

"Drunk parents," Clint said. "It's how many agents learned to ignore injuries."

"True. Those aren't usually cuts though. Broken bones, yes. Cut up like his back was, not so often."

"True," Clint agreed. "So he's been cut before." Hill pulled up a film that got cleared of the boobytrap virus and showed it to the group. Clint stared, head tipped to the side. "What is that?" he asked too quietly.

"That was what he did for his birthday last year by the records."

Clint heaved at one point but kept it down. Bruce was snarling in his corner. "Someone needed to intervene," Bruce decided.

Natasha nodded. "I doubt anyone else would have stepped in. Even if they weren't discouraged." She looked at Hill. "Was it handled enough?"

"I have talked to agents who went down there to handle the problem for the slayers. The girls down there are much nicer to helpers and really would like them to make others quit using them as figureheads. The ones in Central and South America feel the same way. The asian ones have watchers that are uptight but protective of the girls so no one gets near them. Outside of one's husband and family. Including the Chinese government." She smiled some. "They guard her especially hard."

"Probably a good idea," Natasha agreed. "Let me go find the slayers to talk to them." Hill texted her the address, getting a nod back. Clint followed her. The others broke up and went to figure out how to handle Darcy's new relative being around sometimes. Not many people on the team could stand outsiders.

***

Darcy got driven back to the tower a few days later and smiled, waving at the driver. "Thank you. Tell him I'd send him a thank you letter but I doubt he'd be able to get it."

"That's fine, Miss Lewis. Be safe and well." She smiled and jogged inside while he drove off.

Darcy smiled at the guard at the check-in desk, running her pass. "Hi, Joe."

"Miss Lewis. The bosses wanted warned when you got back."

"Well, I'm here," she quipped with a grin. "So they can meet me by the labs." She headed up there, going to hug Jane. "Hi, I'm back," she said with a grin and a hug.

"You look like you got some rest."

"We did. Mel didn't let us do a single thing, even when the belly dancing troupe that came in for a private show turned out to be assassin candidates." Jane stared at her oddly. She grinned. "They all wanted to coo over Xander anyway." She shrugged. "I can't see as that's a bad thing. He's fine though. Hiding like a mofo in England at the moment." Someone else stomped in. "Hey, Stark."

"You're back?" he asked dryly.

"Yeah. It was a great vacation but Jane will starve sometime soon. Besides, Xander's now hiding with a different lover and that one had to move again because someone got mad enough at him to send assassin candidates to take his people out. Who ended up cooing at my brother instead of doing their jobs. I'd write Mel a thank you letter but I don't know where he moved to this time."

Stark blinked at her. "Who's Mel?"

"Our host. He said to call him Mel. He was named after Mel Torme. He said his mother was hoping he'd be suave like him."

Stark blinked at her a few more times. "So your brother's okay?"

"Yeah, just fine." She grinned. "He's going to be fine, just have a few more scars."

"Hill wanted a report," Jane told her with a pat on the arm and a smile back. "And you sound like you need a nap."

"I could so use a nap. We had a lot of fun on the plane ride back. His second-in-command was sweet to let me fly back with him so I didn't have to afford airfare."

"We would've come gotten you," Stark said.

"Yeah but that's a lot of trouble and I'd get yelled at for going to take care of my brother." She shrugged. "It's easier the other way."

"You didn't have a passport on you," Jane said. "I know it's locked in my safe."

"Yeah, and we went through a hidden airfield," Darcy said with a nod and a grin. "Apparently they use things like that."

"Great," Stark said with a smirk and a nod. "Debriefing, Lewis. With Hill." He pointed. She rolled her eyes but poured herself a cup of coffee before going to Hill's office to talk to her. Stark looked at Jane. "We'll make sure we can find her sooner."

"The guy had a belly dancing troupe show up but they were assassins," Jane said.

"We heard her brother likes to date dangerous people. Does it carry over?"

"No, Darcy has shitbag radar about that."

"Okay. We'll be on the watch in case he caused it to pick up." He went to listen in to the debrief. It was amusing. Her brother was a funny guy in many interesting ways.

***

A few months later, after a lot of long stares from the team and Jane freaking out a few times when demons showed up to talk to her, she was actually resting on a couch when Steve carried in a guy. "Hey, Steve, kidnaping?" she guessed. Sam followed them.

"No, this is Bucky. He got knocked out."

"Ah. Need help?"

"Not yet but I might later on." He grinned. "You good?"

"I'm fine. Xander's last email said he was hiding from a demoness who wanted to take him out for status points. This one you can actually shoot it seems so we should be good if she gets a stupid idea."

"We have a training manual for that," Steve offered.

She smiled. "You're sweet but I have a copy of all Xander's books. He made sure I got a copy to keep for him just in case. It even has his notes."

"Can I borrow those?"

"Sure. Sometime." She grinned. "He's awake."

"I can tell. He stiffened. Let me get him to my place." He carried Bucky that way, holding onto him even when he squirmed. "You try that and I'm going to tie you down and play opera," he warned.

"That's cruel," the deep, gravely voice grunted. "I can walk! I'm not some dame!"

"No, you were knocked out like some princess, like your hair suggests," Sam said, opening Steve's door for him. Steve put Bucky down and watched him stomp off. "You have fun with him." He clapped Steve on the shoulder and walked off to go to his own apartment. He changed his mind at the 'oh my fucking god' that came from Darcy's mouth. He went jogging back that way, staring at the picture on the tv she was staring at. "Is that your brother?"

"Yeah! And three of the slayers that aren't absolute twats and one that is." She watched, gripping her glass between her hands hard enough to make the glass squeak. "The demon just appeared. They cut into the show to note it. They can't hide this one. And oh, fuck, there's a second demon." One of the slayers shouted that at the others. Xander yelled they needed a higher, bigger weapon. That one could be blown up. It'd reform in about six weeks. That one had been done that way and taken in by Nigeria last year.

She winced. But yeah, there were police officers and they had a higher weapon somehow, and blew up that demon. The first one shrieked and lunged at them but the girls got the officers out of the way and Xander ran up the first demon to use his axe on it's back. It shrieked and flailed, smacking him into a building. He got up and went back to while the girls tried to kill it too.

"C'mon," Darcy muttered, then bit her lip when the girls got knocked down. Three more slayers showed up thanks to magic and Xander yelled that it sucked in magic, to move the witch. They snorted but the demon ate the witch, and her powers, and healed itself. "Gee, what a shock," she muttered. "That whole class eat magic."

"You don't have to watch," Sam said quietly, staring down at her. "I'll tell you if something huge happens." She swatted at him until he backed off. "Okay, just trying to spare you the stress."

"That's my damn brother!" she said with a point and a glare at him. "If he dies from this, I'm going to show up there and kill the bitches myself!"

"Sure, I get that." He patted her shoulder again and called Jane to come help Darcy. By the time Jane got up there, the new three slayers were down and Xander was down to a few military guys, a few guys in suits, and himself. He looked at one of the agents and said something, getting a nod they called in about. Soon enough, they had a bigger weapon that would kill the bitch.

Xander shot it at the demon, making her catch it and laugh but it exploded, taking off her face. She screamed and rolled around on the ground until an agent took Xander's axe from him and killed her. Darcy took a deep breath, resting against Jane's side when she sat next to her. Xander was wobbling hard but still on his feet. He looked at an agent and said something, getting a nod. They got the slayers evacuated and him to a different place for a debrief. He wasn't under arrest and a team of paramedics were already working on his injuries. She patted herself down until she found her phone to text message him.

On the screen Xander glanced at his phone and grinned, waving at the cameras. "I'm fine, Sis," he called. "Go bake something. I'll call later." He looked at one of the officers, who came to shoo the reporters off.

Darcy sucked in a breath and let it out slowly and carefully. "He needs to quit doing that. Before I have to learn science and go blow all those bitches up." The reporters there were listening to the slayers complaining he had been there and helped by handling the problem. Then they heard an officer tell them off for thinking that anyone shouldn't be able to help if they had the skills. After all, he was in better shape than they were and he had actually managed to damage the demons. They went on a hissy fit of the ages in front of the reporters.

Darcy nodded. "This is why my little brother quit." They could see Xander glaring from his spot but he only huffed and looked at an agent, who got him out of there before he went to beat their asses to show them they were pitiful and pathetic. The agent said that was why he was evacuating the former trainer for the slayers loud enough for the girls and the press to hear.

"Your brother needed to quit a few years back," Jane told her, giving her a hug. "Back in high school when he started to help the ungrateful cunt."

"Yes he did but then we would've all been destroyed." She looked at Jane. Then at Sam. "I'm going to go on a swearing fit. Do you really want to witness this?"

"I can do therapy sessions with you too," he offered with a grin.

"No thanks. I have tequila for that."

"Sure, I get that." He left them to talk. He winced as the swearing started and got louder and louder until Darcy finally threw the glass she had been holding at the mirror across the way and broke them both then went off again and kept going off for about five more minutes that he heard.

"God fucking damn it, I need to go destroy those bitches, Jane! We need to build stuff to destroy the bitches!"

"I know we do, Darce," Jane soothed. "We'll send Thor at them or maybe Lady Sif. She's a battle goddess and can tell them where they're lacking. Including the short skirts two were wearing to a battle. Where's the broom?"

"Kitchen." She huffed and growled. "I need to help destroy those bitches. I really do."

"We'll do what we can," Jane reminded her. "Xander might want some of them to live."

"Yeah, a few were good to him but the rest have got to go!"

Sam heard the elevator door open and Stark start to say something. Then he headed up the hallway. "Let me know when it's safe," Stark called. "I don't want to know. Is your brother okay?"

"He's fine but I *really* need to destroy the bitches." She huffed. "I'll clean up my mess in a minute and buy you a new mirror, Stark."

"Yeah, I don't care about the mirror," he said, spotting Sam, who shrugged. "Just clean it up before Barton walks around without shoes again."

"Yup, sure. Thanks." She huffed but did get the stuff to clean up the mess.

Stark winced. "I saw," he said quietly. "Is she all right?"

"Venting. A lot of venting. But it's reasonable in her situation." Steve opened his door to look at them. "Battle just now her brother was in and it was caught on international news."

"I caught the end of it. Darcy okay? Her brother was at least walking."

"Vented. Threw something. She's cleaning up the mirror," Stark said with a slight nod.

"I use a heavy bag for the same thing. I can teach her how to box if she wants. Darcy, would you like a boxing lesson?" he called. "The heavy bag's real therapeutic."

"No, thanks anyway. I throw a crappy punch." She leaned into the hallway, smiling a bit at him. "I'll be okay. He's fine and I just got the anger out. Let me finish cleaning up my mess." She went back to her sweeping.

Steve looked at Sam, who shrugged. "She's just stressed."

"Okay. Let me know if I can help." He went back to watching the replay. Bucky was now in the kitchen staring at it as he refilled the water pitcher to get a drink. "That guy's Darcy's little brother," he told him. "He showed up on vacation and creeped most of the team out for a few days."

Bucky blinked at him. "Why?"

"We didn't know a thing about that until then."

"Oh." He went back to watching while pouring a glass of water and drinking it. "He needs practice with that axe."

"From what I was told, he had to train himself."

"He's not bad," he admitted. He refilled the glass and put the pitcher into the fridge after refilling it again. He came out to sit down and watch the replay. Steve sat down to do the same thing. They had both heard Darcy venting in the living room area. Even without sensitive, hyped hearing. "I'm guessing those are the bitches?"

Steve froze the picture and pointed. "The redheaded one in the first group and these three are. There's a few others. We have a profile log of the slayers now so we know if we run into one. Those first two are both older, and less cranky slayers. Darcy said some of them were good to work beside and only nagged about big things." He let it play again as they watched what happened. "I'm glad we haven't faced that yet. I barely know how to use a sword." Bucky looked at him. "I learned after meeting him. Natasha and I take lessons with Thor."

"Good." He went back to watching while drinking the water. The kid wasn't bad, but had a few problems. "Eyepatch?"

"Eye was popped by a minion of the same bad guy that sank their town," Steve said quietly. "He went into a battle a few weeks after having it removed." Bucky shuddered. "I think they need to do _It's a Wonderful Life_ on him somehow."

Bucky shook his head. "HYDRA would never let humanity fall to demons."

Steve snorted. "One of their witches nearly destroyed humanity in her grief, Bucky. They couldn't have stopped her. They had no idea about Sunnydale at all from their records."

"Maybe. I wasn't informed." They both listened as Jane got Darcy back to her apartment to finish her hissy fit at the bitches who were trying to rip down her brother. They both winced. Darcy was in the mood to go get into a bar fight. That might be a bad thing.

"I'll follow her later if she goes out," Steve said. "Or Thor will. He's highly protective over Jane and Darcy."

"Good! Does New York have those?"

"The local community is quiet and mostly peaceful. Every now and then they get a problem but we have two slayers assigned to the city."

"Great." He drank another sip of water, staring at the weapons. "Who makes those?"

"They're both older."

"We can do better."

"Maybe. You'd have to ask Stark, and he'd never build it for the bitches to handle."

Bucky just nodded. The news report cut to another slayer thanking those who jumped in to help and they were sorry they got hurt doing the girls' jobs. They didn't want any civilian to get hurt but they were thankful they had the help this time. One of the reporters asked her about the one guy. She grimaced but admitted he had been their trainer in Africa but had retired recently. They wished him well in his normal guy life as she put it. Then she walked off. At least until a demon showed up and picked her up to cuddle her and she couldn't get free. Both guys smiled as it walked off cuddling her like a teddy bear and licking her cheek. Another slayer huffed but followed to get her head slayer free. "They're nuts."

"Yes they are," Steve agreed. "And they save the world a few times a year."

"Still nuts."

"Yup." Bucky laid down on the couch to keep watching while Steve went to make something to eat.

***

Darcy looked up from her transcribing for Jane when Sam walked into her lab, smiling at him. "What's up, Sam?"

"Steve and I wanted to ask you for a favor."

"Bridesmaid? I can do that even if you do put me into an ugly dress."

"Funny, not," he said dryly. "My mother would kill me." She just smiled. "It's Bucky."

"What's the man of murderous glare need?" She turned in her seat to face him more.

"He's seen how many people stare at him when he goes out for the last month."

"Yeah, that's because he's not trying to blend in." She nodded some. "Plenty of people might stare at his arm but there's a ton of vets with prosthetics these days so it's not that unusual."

"I told him that."

She smiled, waving a hand. "We can go have coffee and talk about normal people things."

"Thanks." He grinned. "I'll send him down later?"

"I should get off at five. Jane, I need off tonight at a reasonable hour." No answer. She looked over and smiled at the napping Jane, who was sleeping on her sandwich she hadn't managed to eat more than a few bites of. "Sure, I can do that." She smiled at Sam.

"I'll tell Thor to come down to pick her up and put her into bed."

"Thanks. I hate carrying Jane. I'm not that much bigger than she is. Thor has muscles for that."

He laughed but nodded, walking off to find Thor, who was resting on the couch. "Thor, Jane's asleep on her lunch."

Thor sat up, smiling at him. "That sounds like a good idea for this afternoon. I shall help her with that project." He went to grab his intended and carry her off to bed so they could both nap. They hadn't gotten much sleep last night. He could lick the jelly off her cheek when they woke up.

Sam went to tell Steve and Bucky it was set. "Darcy said she'd get off work about five. Thor just carried Jane off to bed since she was asleep on her sandwich." They watched as Thor carried Jane up the hallway nibbling on her sandwich since she hadn't eaten it. "Happy nap, Thor."

"You as well."

"I'm having James go out with Darcy later to talk about normal people things." Bucky groaned. Sam smirked at him. "You know Darcy. She's totally cool with you, Barnes."

"Yeah but she's still a civilian."

"Who has a way of getting through these sort of things. She's told a few reporters to quit panting about me because I wasn't the sort to cheat and sleep with sleaze for a fast night's fun." Steve looked at Sam and grinned. "She's a firecracker."

"Yes she is. My mom might not be totally impressed if I started to date her but that's only because she doesn't attend her church." He walked off. "Have fun, wear normal people clothes, Barnes."

"Whatever," he muttered.

Steve closed the door, looking at him. "You can borrow a shirt if you want. I know it's not a date but you haven't done your laundry in a few days."

"Maybe."

"Okay. Just go ahead and snatch one if you need it, Bucky." He went to fiddle in the kitchen. If he seemed like he was hovering, Bucky would go hide. He really needed this to get more comfortable around people.

***

Darcy pulled Barnes into her favorite coffee shop near the tower, it sold Starbucks products but was an independent café that also did their own better coffee drinks. She paid for their drinks and brought them to the table he had taken. "No, by the window," she said. "It's safe. We're okay in here. The owner used to be NYPD." He nodded, following her to that table. He had decent enough sight lines around the area and the shop.

"So, Sam told me you needed help acting like a modern New Yorker. I'm not an expert but I do pretty good blending in." She sipped her drink, staring at him. "First, lose the stare." He blinked at her. "You're safe here. If they come in here, the guy that owns this place will fuck shit up. Not even Loki's alien playmates bothered here when they tried to take out this block. We are safe in here." He made himself relax. She pointed. "Watch the people for a few minutes. Tell me what you think they're doing."

He looked. "They're walking. Most aren't paying attention so they're potential victims."

She shook her head, taking another sip of her coffee. "Most of them would put down their phones if something started. Or use them to film it. A lot of that is an act to be left alone. Like on the subway. You're aware but look disinterested because giving attention is dangerous at times. There's a lot of psychos out there beyond the ones you guys handle. Most of them are pretty stabby or shooty in this city." He snorted but shook his head, sipping his coffee before looking inside the cup. She grinned. "Just sugar but the good beans so good coffee. That's one reason why I come in here. They sell lesser coffee to the plebes who think Starbucks is hip but they sell real coffee to those who can appreciate it." She grinned.

"It's not like military coffee or Stark's coffee."

"Stark lets his go stale and rewarms it," she said with a wave of her coffee cup. "It's where science has eaten his brain again." She stared at him. "What's your ideal outcome?"

"To make them quit staring."

"Okay. We can handle that. There's a few things we can work on to get to that point. One of them is how you walk." He frowned. She smiled. "Trust me, you walk like you're stalking someone in a dangerous way. People notice that." She pointed. "See them all, simple strides, no butt swishing like they have a tail curling in happiness at the hunt, steady rhythm." She looked at him again. "You strut so it gets attention." She pointed at a woman in very high heels. "You walk like a more manly version of that girl."

He stared at her walk and considered it compared to those around her. "She does walk differently. The shoes?"

"They encourage it, all heels do, but that's all her chosen walk. You can still stomp in heels like they're boots. I do plenty of times when I wear heels." She took another sip of her coffee. "If you want to blend in, you have to be more natural. Some people will stare at the arm but a lot of vets these days have prosthetics. Most of them look like claws but that's okay too, at least someone brilliant came up with something to help the poor people." He stared at her, flexing his metallic hand. "A few people are always going to look, Bucky, but I can help you so you blend in better. Some people stare as you walk off because you have a cute butt." She grinned. "Some people stare because they think you're hot. Can you stand those?"

"I...I don't know."

"Okay. We can see later. Right now we need to do a bit of retail helping." He scowled. "The hoodie makes you look like every creep on every wanted poster," she said quietly but smiled at the end. "We can do a few things to tailor your image for you. Think of it like armor. People will think of you a certain way because you're dressed that way."

"I've been taught disguises before, Lewis." He sipped his coffee slowly, still staring at it. "I've never had coffee like that."

"The really good stuff is expensive. I don't take you or Steve to be the sort to spend nine bucks on a coffee drink." He shook his head quickly, looking at the ordering board. "They're only six. I never go for the really expensive stuff. Mostly because I learned how it's created." She took another sip of her coffee.

"What's that type?"

"You know what a civet is?" she asked. He slowly shook his head. She looked it up on her phone and let him have it. "Which is why I drink Kona when I can afford it," she quipped when he shuddered and handed the phone back. "There's no way they wash that enough. By the way, Pepper drinks that instead."

"I'll keep that in mind." He finished his coffee. "What about this one?"

"It comes from Hawaii." She grinned. "Many great things come from Hawaii."

"I've never been," he admitted. "But we saw pictures about Pearl Harbor."

She nodded. "They have a nice monument there to the attack," she said quietly. "It's moving and painful and it hurts to see, but it's moving." She patted his metal hand. "You can go see it if you want. No one says you can't go places."

"I...maybe."

"Steve could take a vacation from everything in the tower. He'd escort you so you're not lost and alone."

"Yeah, maybe," he agreed. He finished his coffee, deciding he'd think about that later. "How do we figure out what I should wear as armor?"

"Well, what sort of person do you want people to assume you are? Do you want to be a hipster?" she asked, pointing at a few outside. "That'd go well with the man bun you sometimes use when you're tired of your hair. There's more uptight ones that wear suits. There's sports guys who walk around in tank tops and jogging pants, but they're usually creeps in my experience. Or douche-bros. You could be a more normal, average guy in jeans and t-shirts but you'd have to lose the hoodie until winter." She smiled at him. "You have options."

"I...I don't think I'd like suits. I hate it when I have to dress up. Too confining and you can't hide knives."

She nodded. "Okay, so not a business clone." She shrugged. "That's cool and I'm sure you have one good suit for things. Stark's like that." He nodded. "Do you like it when you wear jeans? I know you have a pair."

"They're comfortable now. They weren't when I bought them but they get worn out."

"Yeah, if you only have three outfits, they wear out faster because they don't have a lot of time to rest between wears. There's a way around that though." She grinned. "I can help there. The hair thing, do you want to keep it longer?"

He ran his human hand over it and shrugged. "I don't really think about it much."

"Okay. We can figure that out later, once you're comfortable. Let's hit a cab because the best shops are in the Village."

He blinked. "Why?"

"Because they're hipper down there." She smiled. "We're going to try on some looks, buy you a few outfits, then we'll go back to the tower after getting take out?"

"Yeah, I guess that's fine. Steve handed me his debit card."

"That's cool. Not that I go to the expensive places, Bucky." She patted his hand before draining her cup and taking the mugs back to be cleaned and reused. She and Bucky left, getting a cab to head to the Village area. She dragged him into a resale shop. "I know before they were practical but no one talked about it. Now it's fashionable," she said with a smile. He stared around, nodding slowly. "Here, guys jeans." She showed him the various styles. She found a few after trying one against his waist. "Find a few more you want to try on." He looked and found a few that interested him, taking them to the changing area while she grabbed a basket to put any accepted ones in. He came out in the first pair, moving uncomfortably. "Too tight, too loose? Too new?"

"Too tight in the thighs," he said. He looked at himself in the three-way mirror, staring.

She giggled. "That's why women stare at your butt, Bucky." He shot a low powered glare at her. "Seriously! On my word! Even Sharon's stared a few times as you walk past her." He shook his head but went to change into another pair, coming out moving a bit easier. "Comfy?"

"I..." He moved around, shrugging some. "They're not bad, but they're a bit stiff."

She tested the material. "It's a bit newer. A few washes and they're going to be softer." He nodded. "You can actually put them in the washer and just restart it a few dozen times to get them softer."

"You can?"

"Yeah. That's how I do it with new jeans. It's hugely a whole day task sometimes for me but it works."

"Wastes water and electricity."

"Yup, but the tower's machines run on the thingy Tony built."

"Point." He went to take those off and put on another pair, coming out smiling. She grinned back. "These feel nice."

"They look nice too. You might get some butt staring but they look good on you." He looked at himself in the mirrors, nodding with a tiny smile. "Good choice. Bring me those for the basket and try on the last few." He did that, coming out with three sets to hand her and hanging up the others. They went to look at shirts. "Do you want plaid like Steve?"

"I used to be a nifty dresser," he admitted, looking at the selection. "He is not." She burst out giggling and nodded at that. "No plaid." He was looking at the good shirts, picking out a few.

"Hate to say it, but that won't fit you," she said.

"It's what size I wear."

She looked then at the collar of his present shirt. "This is an XL, Bucky." He groaned. "Muscles, dude, you has them." She put that one back and moved him down to his actual size. "Feel lucky you don't have to have everything tailored to fit you because you look like some freaky bodybuilder."

"I lift weights."

She pulled up a picture to show him. "You don't look like him. He probably has to have everything built specially."

"How did he do that to his muscles?" he asked, taking the phone to look at more closely.

"Steroids probably. Which means he's got no balls left. They shrink them." He handed the phone back. "Get a few you like to try on then look at t-shirts and other pullovers. It's nearly winter and you'll need something warm unless you go visit Hawaii or Florida."

"I forgot about the winter."

"You can layer. It's a great thing and it keeps you warm. I do it in the labs because Stark puts it on freezing for Brucie."

He nodded, looking at the other types of shirts to try on. She handed him a few she spotted, getting him back to the changing area to try them on. He came out in a sweater, wiggling. "It's itchy."

"Yeah, that's an itchy one. Take it off." He walked off taking it off. The shopkeeper was staring after Bucky, making Darcy smile. "He's crafting his normal guy image."

"He's cute. Very nice ass on him, you were right." Darcy grinned. "He yours?"

"No, just friendly. We work together, kinda. I was asked to help him shop because I know some of the nicer shops down here."

"That's sweet of you." Bucky came out in a polo shirt, collar up. The shopkeeper walked over to put it back down with a pat. "Always down. Only dumbasses who are pretentious jackholes wear their collar popped up." She smiled before walking off.

"Thanks," Darcy said. She smiled at him, making him blush. "She thinks you're cute."

"It's the jeans," he said. She giggled, smoothing down the collar. He looked at himself. "It's not a good shirt."

"That's actually considered casually nice. Not the same as a button up but the next step down." He considered it. "You can get more shirts."

"I know." He went to put it into the decision pile and came out in a t-shirt that was loose and comfortable. "I like this."

"I figured you would." She smirked at him. "And the graphic won't get you in trouble with anyone we work with." He looked at the beer graphic on the t-shirt and shrugged, going to put it into his yes pile. He found a few more and a few button ups. Darcy agreed and got him a jacket to try on. It was soft but heavy. "For winter, Bucky. It's loose enough you can put a sweater layered over a t-shirt under it but heavy enough it should do you most of the warmer parts of this winter."

He shrugged. "Should I get something warmer?"

"You can't wear those on the days it's in the low fifties. This is good from the sixties down to about the thirties."

He considered it. "It's comfortable but heavy."

"Leather can be that way. If you don't like that one, we can look around at other options."

"Yeah, I..." He looked at himself again, nodding. "Yeah, I like the leather and the color but it's got no pockets."

"Okay." She helped him take it off and hung it back up. "Go get things so we can check out. We can hit a few more places if you want. I've got nothing else to do tonight so I'm all yours."

"We can do that some other time." He looked at his watch then at her. "We should get takeout."

"Sure." She smiled. "There's some great places around here then we can cab back."

"Okay." He went to gather what he wanted and hang up the rest again while she took the basket to the check out. He came over to buy it and let Darcy tell him to go change. It helped. It showed off his arm but the woman just patted it with a smile and a quiet 'thank you for your service'. Bucky blushed some, ducking down so his hair covered his face.

Darcy smiled at her and took Bucky to pick out dinner once she had the bags and his old clothes bagged in with them. She looked up at him. "Feeling comfortable helps a lot to make you more confident of things," she said quietly. "Confident people walk easier and people actually make room for them on the street but not in the 'getting away from him' way that you usually get." She waved a hand around. "Look, food."

He looked at the restaurants around there, noticing how few people paid attention to them. He pulled his hair back and she handed over the hair thing from her wrist. He pulled his hair back into a small, low man bun. A few of the ones watching them quit and they picked a bar place that had a wing special tonight by their sign. They went back to the tower, going to eat in the gym. Darcy insisted. "We could eat at a table like humans," he joked.

She smiled. "An important lesson. Walk for me. Toward the mirror so you can watch yourself." He shrugged but did that while eating a wing. He paused and stared at his feet then at the mirror. "Yeah, that's why they stare. You strut. It's a nice murder strut and it makes your ass look fantastic when you do it with that swishy hip thing you do, but try to compare it to the earlier people we watched." She watched him walk around while eating her order of wings. He finally changed his stride to a more normal but forced looking one. "Relax." He looked over. "Relax. Think normal guy things and relax. Walk like you're with someone. I noticed earlier your walk changed after the store."

He grimaced but paced a few more times, nodding slightly as he quit strutting as much and just walked like a guy. "Much less noticeable."

"Yup." She stood up to give him a quick hug. "Use the murder strut swishy walk in your uniform. It'll make people scared of you." She grinned up at him. "That's part of who the Soldier is, not Bucky."

"We're the same person."

"Not totally. The Soldier's all training as it got explained to us. He was forced to be that way. Bucky has history before and after the Soldier and outside his training. Most of the time on the street you want to appear to be Bucky, even if you're in soldier mode but don't want people to know it."

"I understand," he agreed. "The Soldier is trained to get notice, to scare."

"Yup."

"And I was just a guy. Now I want to mostly be just a guy again but when I need to, I can go back to the Soldier's training." She nodded, giving him another hug and sitting back down. He considered that as he walked.

"Watch yourself," she said quietly. "You just instinctively went back to a normal guy walk while you thought." He did it again and nodded he did do it naturally. "See, you've still got it, hottie. Out on the street, you want an armor, something that people will ignore. Out there, be Bucky. Even telling jokes some people will only smile at you for giggling at things. Outside the safe areas, be someone that people can expect certain things from but not be the full package so they don't worry. In the safe areas, be yourself. In battles, be him."

"Yeah. I..." He frowned but let it clear up. "I get that point. I can do that. Thank you."

"You're welcome." She grinned. "If you want to go shopping again, let me know. I can go stare at you some more." He snorted but looked amused. She cleaned up her stuff and stood up. "Have fun and your wings are still in the bag with your garlic bread."

"Thanks, Darcy."

"Welcome, stud. Just let me know if you need more help." She winked and headed for her apartment to settle in for the night.

He went back to walking around while eating wings. Yeah, he could figure out how to put up a good front for everyone outside the safe areas to be himself.

Steve leaned in the doorway, watching him for a few minutes until Bucky spotted him. "That looks nice on you and comfortable."

"They are," he agreed. "She took me to a resale shop. Apparently they're fashionable now."

Steve came in, looking him over, nodding some. "I've seen that but I don't really have time to shop so I let Pepper's personal shopper friend do mine most of the time." He looked at his buddy. "What's with the strolling?"

"She noticed my walk was something that a lot of people stared at." He walked like he usually did and Steve blinked when it changed to a normal strolling down the sidewalk walk. "She thought some people stared because the strutting was worrying."

"I can kinda see that point, yeah." He grinned. "What else did she help you with?"

"She pointed out that being out there needed an armor, a persona, so people would ignore me as just the average guy."

"I do that but I just wear a ball cap and glasses. It works about half the time."

He nodded. "I tried that, I get funny looks like I'm homeless. She pointed out in the cab that I wore way too many layers, which was drawing attention to me since it wasn't cold right now. People wonder if I'm hiding weapons under all the layers."

"Yeah, they probably do. I have a few times," Steve agreed with a nod. "So one layer, and maybe a jacket?"

"I can handle that as long as I can hide knives." He looked at himself in the mirror. "Robot, away from my dinner," he ordered. The cleaning bot trundled off. He looked at Steve again. "She offered a leather jacket for wintertime but I wasn't feeling it."

"I forgot all about needing winter gear. Stark keeps the tower pretty warm but going outside can make you feel like you've dived into an icy lake. We could both use a good winter jacket."

"She suggested two. One for the bitterly cold days and one lighter one that would work with a sweater for the moderately cold days."

"Yeah, that could work," he agreed. "We have space for two jackets. Plus maybe a light windbreaker or light jacket for spring."

"She thought the leather one would work for those too."

"They can, depending on what you wear with it." He moved closer. "We can look at those options."

"Do guys really bulk up to look like they're a pile of rocks?"

He grinned. "She has a thing about hating bodybuilders who just do it to look like a pile of walking muscles. Neither of us will ever get that bad."

"No, I don't think I could." He picked up his dinner since the cleaning bot was coming back. Steve grinned at him. "We got wings before we came back. She goes to this coffee shop a few blocks up that has really good coffee. Doesn't taste like Stark's at all. Though I now know why I should never drink coffee after Pepper. She buys coffee that's eaten and pooped out first."

"What?"

"Yeah, there's a type of coffee that grows in Asia that a big cat called a civet eats off the bushes and then craps out. They clean it up and sell it as something really special."

"It takes the bitterness out," Stark said from the doorway. "She hates bitter coffee and she ignores how it comes to be that way. Lewis prefers Kona, I know that."

"Yeah, she did. It tasted good. Not like military coffee. Is that coffee shop something special? She said even Loki's aliens didn't even bother it."

"The guy who runs it is a bear and stood outside the shop shooting at the aliens with a heavy gauge shotgun," Tony said with a small smirk. "He was not amused. They didn't get anywhere near his shop. He had one broken window but that was it."

"Wow," Steve said. "Sounds like a guy I'd like to meet."

"They can show you where it is. That way you can both take a breather outside the tower when you need to," Tony said, giving Steve a pointed look. "As for leather jackets, I know a few good places you can look up online to get styles to try on. I'll send you an IM with the addies." He walked off. "This gym and the one next door are getting electrical upgrades tonight."

"Sure, we can go upstairs," Steve said, looking at Bucky. Who was eating a wing so he only nodded. They went up to look at the leather jacket styles. They both liked a few so they made notes to go try them on somewhere. Darcy had an idea of where when they texted her for a real, physical store. Stark shopped online or in exclusive places. Darcy went to normal people stores.

***
Part 2 by Voracity2
Steve was watching Darcy walk Bucky through a move he had seen on tv and wanted to know why people danced that way. They were in the same gym since it had the big mirrors to watch themselves in. Steve was sitting in the doorway so no one stepped on him by accident. He felt someone standing behind him and looked up. "She's teaching him modern club dancing."

Xander looked and nodded. "He looks nice doing it. Of course, she's teaching him the girls' parts." Bucky groaned. "Don't feel bad, I learned those too thanks to girls. Way too many girls." He sighed but grinned. "If you're her new boyfriend sort, I'll get around to threatening you after I warn my sister that acting out against the bitches I used to work with has gotten a price on her head." He stared at her.

She shrugged but smiled. "I'll *so* sic Thor on them."

Xander burst out laughing. "They'd turn him into a pet, Darce."

"Not likely," Steve admitted, shifting some so Xander wasn't behind him. "He can fight."

"Yeah. Let's see him fight against thirty young women who just think he's cute." He looked at her. "I've already canceled the contract, just in case, but can you maybe lay a bit low for a few weeks?"

"No. I'm not scared of them. What're they going to do? Try to sacrifice me?"

"Well, yeah, they could," Xander reminded her.

"I'll be careful, Xander."

"Good!" He grinned. "Since there's two in the building and one of them brought me here to watch them kill you so I'd hurt. This is supposed to be our touching last few moments to nag each other, sis."

She snorted, shaking her head. "Stark, there's demons coming to take me out," she yelled. "They brought Xander so he'd have to watch."

"I'll fucking kill 'em," Bucky said.

Xander handed over his sword. "You'll need that then." He smiled.

"Can't shoot this sort?"

"No. They eat metal. And people. And they'd sacrifice my sister to get powerful blood supposedly." He looked at her.

"I don't have magic. Or your hellmouth taint."

"I have no clue but someone told them you did have unawakened magic and it'd be enough to open their portal so they could go home."

"Fuck 'em. Not my job," she said dryly. Stark stomped in, wearing one of his suit's gloves. "We're just waiting. They brought my brother so I could have one last hug before they sacrifice me to open a portal apparently."

"You're a virgin?" Stark asked, looking smug. "I did not know that."

"Stark!" Steve complained as he stood up.

"Not all sacrifices are virgin ones," Xander told him. "In her case they think she might have unawakened magic. If she was a virgin it'd actually protect her in this case."

"Wow, Steve, you're probably protected then."

"Shut up, Stark. I'm not a virgin."

"No, he's not," Bucky agreed. "Twice over before I left for the war front."

Stark blinked at him then at Steve. "Really?"

"Yeah. Artists have always gotten girls. They like our hands," he said dryly.

Xander snickered. "Artists and bards."

"Were you on Asgard?" Darcy asked him. As far as she knew, Bards only lived on Asgard anymore.

"Worse. Three demon realms in the last few weeks. One's nicely Middle Ages and one's all modernist crap with metal accents and shininess that glares in the sunlight. So tacky," he said with a head shake. "But I was getting myself free of the princess who wanted to use me to breed her daughter so she'd discredit the little bratling. She dosed her, locked us in a room, and forgot to search me so I had my ball of C-4 I have to now remake. She was so happy to get rid of her mother." He grinned. "Then found the boyfriend she already had and balled him out to consecrate the throne again. In front of everyone," he sighed, shaking his head. "So not what I wanted to see done with dick tentacles."

"Eww," Darcy said.

"Yeah, but a good quarter of all species have tentacles of some sort and about twenty percent have dick tentacles out of those." He shrugged. "It's like hentai sometimes only the slayers aren't willing to go down that way. Though a few could really use it." She burst out giggling. "Seriously!" She flapped a hand. "I know." He looked back at the demon. Then at Stark, who wasn't Stark. He had realized that when he walked around him.

"So, which one of you first?" They both lunged at Darcy and Bucky kicked the pretend Stark while Xander and Steve got the other one. Xander beheaded it, barely nicking Steve's arm. The Stark impersonator went down to Bucky snapping his neck. Darcy got the sword from her brother to behead the newly exposed demon. Bucky snatched it to cut into the demon's neck.

"By experience, soak the splashed-on jeans in cold water with a bit of rice vinegar for just under six hours. If you go longer it'll bleach the fabric too. Then wash it twice with tide and dawn mixed in. Then a regular wash with stuff to descent it or else it'll smell like demon blood forever." He looked at himself, then shrugged. "I buy stuff I can toss out mostly." He walked over to hug his sister. "Can you please stay safe?"

"When they did that shit after the battle outside Boston, I was all set to go down there with Thor to beat their asses for you." He grinned, giving her a cuddle. "If you're getting ickiness on me, you're buying me a new pair of jeans."

He kissed her on the forehead. "I barely got a few drops on my lower legs, Darcy. I'm not cuddled that close. You're not my girlfriend and I only cuddle them that closely after bad battles."

"Uh-huh." She looked up at him. "You okay?"

"Mostly." He shrugged. "It happens." Hill stomped in. "The slayers set a price on my sister's head, Hill." He grinned at her. "The demons pulled me here to make me watch them take her out. So we could get a last touching minute in."

She looked at him. "We really have to stop them."

"Please do. She's even blinded the sorcerer guy who's going to have to deal with the asshole aliens who want to eat all magic soon."

"Crap."

"I'm going to visit him in a few minutes to break that for him." He looked at his sister. "Please try to stay safe? Before I have to ask a boyfriend to take you hostage to protect you like I did Dawn?"

She smirked up at him. "I can think of a lot of happier outcomes, Xander. Really. Even for Dawn."

"It protected her from the coven trying to sacrifice her. She ran for the boyfriend, who called, and I asked nicely."

She nodded, patting his waist where she was holding onto him. "I realize that's freaky. The menace again?"

"Yeah, the Empire of Menace Strikes Back." She snorted and cuddled him.

Hill was shaking her head but her teams were cleaning up the mess for them. "I really hope some day we have a cure for magic addictions."

"In her case, it would've taken new parents," Xander said dryly. "By the way, they've went on tv decrying the slayers and all of us, but blamed me for creating this myth. Their daughter was clearly sucked into it and that's why she's causing so many problems. They were begging her to get addiction help on Dr. Phil."

"Well, he has a degree like her parents do," Darcy said dryly. "A fake one."

He nodded, looking down at her again. "Definitely. If I had a full time, known job they'd probably try to sue me too."

Hill sighed. "I can ask an agent to go talk to them."

Xander looked at her again. "Would that make a bit of difference to one of them? They haven't seen reality since they were leaving their precious little sample subject at home at the age of four, Hill."

"Point. They are pathetic in multiple ways. We actually tried to get their licenses removed but they switched states and we had the agency-wide problem about then."

"I've put in a challenge to their licenses based on that," Xander said with an evil grin. "They're probably not real amused." Hill shivered. "Yeah. Including how they were trying to burn their daughter at the stake for magic back in Sunnydale. It was in the papers. Which are on file with UCLA as a special topics history project. There was a *charming* picture in the paper."

Hill walked off rubbing her arms from the sudden coldness caused by the evil going on.

Darcy grinned up at him. "Can I help with that?"

"No. Not yet. You can ask your very rabid senator from New Mexico to renew his calls to talk to the Council on camera in front of Congress so it's no longer in the dark." He grinned at her. "I've called him to request that too."

"Sure, I can do that," she cooed. "That'd be happy and good evil."

"Yes it would." They shared a grin and broke apart, him throwing something at the woman that appeared. "Hey, Buffy," he said to her unconscious form. Willow appeared. "Bitch."

"She's your new girlfriend? Is she an assassin too?" she sneered.

"I'm his sister," Darcy said firmly. "I don't fuck my brother, I'm not into that." Willow glared at her. She stared back. "You're trespassing. Take your cunt and go." She waved a hand at Buffy.

"We need to talk, little girl."

"Sure." She smirked. "You go ahead. You should realize that the AI in the tower does tape all interactions and Mr. Stark would be most pissed to find you here."

"I doubt he's really going to do anything," Willow sneered.

"If he doesn't, I sure will," Steve said firmly from behind her. She spun and stared, mouth open. He smiled and wiggled his fingers in a wave at her. "Morning, Miss Rosenburg. Why are you trespassing on Avengers property?"

"I...I came to talk to Xander."

"Xander, do you want to talk to her?" Steve asked.

"No. Can I have my sword back?" he asked Bucky. He handed it to Darcy.

She shifted her grip on it. "The handle's too wide for me. I need to get a machete instead probably." She looked at Willow. "What? Since you put a price on my head to be sacrificed, I need to learn suddenly."

"You're interfering where you don't even understand a thing!" Willow said with a foot stomp.

"You'd be shocked what I know about your little clique, Rosenburg. I might not have met Xander until he was twelve but he and I talked every few weeks since then. I've heard *everything*. Every. Single. Thing." Willow went pale. "Including all the verbal abuse you spew and magicked others to spew. In fact, heard some of that in person a few times since we were talking when you rudely barged in." She moved closer to her.

"For someone supposedly on the side of good, you're really dark. I thought some of the heros I met were dark, mostly due to traumas in their pasts, but you really do take the cake in many ways. And then you made it spread by magicing others to go the same way you do. Seriously, grow the fuck up. Act like the hero you're supposed to be, and the mature adult you're supposed to be, and act like a real woman. Real women don't sneer because they nearly killed someone that was stopping them from committing genocide."

"She did?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, in her grief, she tried to end humanity," Darcy said, still staring at Willow. "Lots of people grieve and don't destroy more than themselves." She shrugged. "How much magic did it take to warp the slayers? Or the coven?"

"And how long will it take you to remove it since you clouded the guy who has to deal with realm hopping aliens who hate magic and are destroying it?" Xander asked. Willow glared at him. He grinned and waved. "Visions, bitch. They're about here and the only one who can fight them is Strange."

"I can handle that," she sneered.

"You have fun with that," he said. "Really." She growled and pulled up magic. A beam hit her and froze her again. "I guess Stark really doesn't like magic in his shiny tower of technology." He looked at Darcy. "Can I have my sword back please?" She handed it over with a grin. "Thanks. The Powers That Be said we need to keep them around for a few more months." He glared at Buffy since she was awake. "Cordelia said hi by the way."

"You're still a moron."

"Fuck you," he shot back. "My SAT score was higher than yours and Willow's." He grinned. "The guy who can fix the higher powered weapons has some skills even if it's not chemistry."

Darcy looked at him. "You got taught how to fix those?" He nodded. "Can you fix my hairdryer?"

"Of course. Probably just needs a bit of wire replacement."

"Thor jumped and the building shook while it was on my sink so it fell into the toilet," Darcy told him.

"Not that hard to fix. I've done more than one for the younger slayers, Darcy."

"She's your girlfriend, huh?" Buffy sneered.

"Sister," Darcy said slowly and clearly. "One who doesn't believe in incest." Buffy glared at her. She stared back. "I saw worse on hungover sorority sisters, Summers. You aren't that scary or that badass or that good. I can name three women off the top of my head who can put you onto the ground and into the ground for good who're in this building right now. All you are is a disappointment for women everywhere and an abuser. You abused my brother for years."

"He could've left."

"Yeah, and you would've died. Ask someone," she said bluntly. "I did." Buffy glared at her. "Seriously. Hey, Cordelia person?" she called. Whistler faded in. "I've seen you before."

"That's Whistler. The original mouthpiece of the PTB," Xander told her. "Whistler, this is my sister, Darcy."

"Pleasure," he said with a nod. "Why did you call?"

"Two things," Darcy said. "Can they be unclouded by the cunt's magic? Before the people who want to destroy magic show up since she did it to him too?" Whistler winced. "And can you find some way of making sure they can't try to sacrifice my little brother? That would piss me off and I'd become the next great evil that they couldn't fight."

Whistler stared at her then pulled out something to look through at her. "Yeah, you could be. You'd get lost in the revenge though."

She shrugged. "You do for family."

Whistler nodded. "I can see how that would happen. It's not how slayers or white witches are supposed to act." Buffy was growling. He looked at her. "This is not what the PTB want you to do, Summers."

"Or threaten her sister perhaps?" Xander asked. "Dawn's thankfully safe with one of my ex's."

"Good!" Whistler agreed. "I got sent to remind you to move her. As for the SS, go be your chaotic self to wake him up, Harris. You and your sister can do that."

"Thanks," Darcy said with a grin. "Can I fix the tragic cape thing he has going on?"

"I don't do fashion," Whistler admitted. "They gave me an outfit when I died."

"That totes sucks," Darcy told him. "You should at least get a change of clothes."

He grinned. "Cordelia takes care of that."

Darcy looked at Xander. "The same one you dated?"

"Yeah. Her bitchiness. She's their newer messenger."

"Wow. They wanted nagging apparently. Well, just don't pick me if I'm dying please," she told Whistler with a smile.

He blinked at her. "You're not supernatural, toots."

"The contract on her head thanks to the coven called her an unawakened witch. Is she?" Xander asked.

Whistler nodded. "Tiny bit. Nothing huge. Enough to maybe float the remote control."

"Thanks," Darcy said. "I'll keep that in mind the next time I need to Jedi something."

"You'd have to break it open," Whistler told her. He looked at Summers. "They're going to take almost all the slayers out to correct the attitude issue you've given them. Most of the African, Asian, and South American ones are safe but not yours."

"Leave Faith alone," Xander said quietly but firmly.

"She's not on my list but they don't like her for a few reasons, Harris. She's not going to go because of this issue. Others...." Xander pulled out his phone, frowning as he texted. "Nice."

"Thanks." He sent a second one. Faith appeared next to them. "Hey." He grinned at her. "The PTB want to assassinate you."

"Charming," she sneered at Whistler.

"Not my doing. Only my warning to them to straighten up," Whistler said with a point at Buffy. "Putting out a contract that forces a Harris into being the greatest evil ever isn't going to go well for the Powers."

"I'm a Lewis," Darcy said. "We're half-siblings but very close."

Whistler looked at her then at him then back at her. "You're a Harris by nature, kid." He looked at Faith. "I'd hide. You're too strong to them."

"They can suck me," Faith told him. "Really." He smirked a tiny bit. "Are they coming after the twats?"

"Yup. Soon." He nodded. "Hate to be there during that apocalypse. Harris, they'll get you then too."

He snorted, waving a hand. "I doubt that. I do have visions, Whistler." Whistler winced. "And they aren't sent by the PTB." Whistler shuddered but made Willow leave with Buffy when he left. Xander grinned at Faith. "So, this is my sister Darcy."

Faith shook her hand. "You're cute," she said. "Be careful, he's charming but an asshole."

"Yeah but I like his asshole moments. They mirror my own very well," Darcy quipped with a grin for her. "He's said some really impressive and nice things about you, Faith."

Faith grinned at Xander. "Suckup."

"Not really. I told her most everything."

"Little D?"

"One of my ex's."

"Good!"

"By the way, we have aliens showing up soon who eat magic."

"Can we donate?" she asked. "There's a whole coven of a buffet for their needs."

"Don't tempt me."

Faith walked off laughing. "Let me check on the local girls. They're disgruntled this week."

"Nice meeting you, Faith, and call if you need to talk," Darcy called after her. "Not like I don't know what you do and how hard it is. My boss is dating an Avenger."

"Wow. Way lot of hotties in tights." She walked off shaking her head, pausing by the elevator to stare at the redhead. "Even I know who you are."

"Slayer Faith," Natasha said. "Is there a large problem?"

"Whistler brought me to tell me the PTB are going to kill me soon." She pushed the button on the elevator. "Just saw X and the two twats too." She got onto the elevator. "Have fun and if you hit on X, he's great at stress relief stuff. Just don't let him get cuddly. He turns into an octopus when you need a hug." The doors shut.

Natasha walked off looking confused. She walked into the gym, staring at the siblings. "What happened?"

"FRIDAY, can you please show the footage?" Darcy asked. "I'm too tired to go into details." The whole incident was shown for her viewing. Natasha stared at her at the end. She smiled a nice, gentle, good girl grin. "I hate those people who hurt my brother. They suck."

"Actually, most don't," Xander admitted. "There's a surprising amount of bad guys who want my ass for one reason or another who won't give a blow job. It's confusing because they clearly only want me for the unhappy reasons if they won't make sure I get some happies too." Darcy swatted him but hugged him. He grinned at Natasha. "Whistler is the messenger for the Powers That Be. He's a balance demon and they want balance in the universe."

Natasha grimaced. "That's bad." She looked at Bucky then at Steve. "Are you two all right?" They nodded. "Good. Stark?"

"Never answered," Darcy said.

"He's on a jet," Natasha admitted. "I thought he might have text messaged when he got the alert." She walked off rubbing her head. "We'll work up a plan in case we get invaded by demons."

Darcy looked up at her big brother. "We should go wake up the sorcerer guy."

"We should," he agreed. "Guys, do you need my sister for tonight? I don't mind letting good boyfriends have her time instead. I know she's a big girl and has big girl happy times and I'm not jealous about you needing her."

"We're not sleeping with her," Steve said, blushing a tiny bit but smiling at him. "She's helping Bucky with a few things."

"Oh, okay. That's great." He looked at her. "Milkshakes?"

"Yeah, I know a place."

"Cool!" They walked out together, her under his arm. He was in a huggy mood but that worked well for her too.

Steve looked at Bucky, who burst out laughing, shaking his head back. "Yeah. They're a lot alike."

"Yes they are," Bucky agreed with a nod. "So alike." They gathered their things and went to hide in their apartment for a bit. Today had been a bit insane.

***

Darcy walked up to the sorcerer guy, who was in the park talking to a spirit. "Hmm, tacky cape does not match," she told him. He glared at her. She smiled. "Do you switch to fleece or velvet in the winter?"

"Who are you?" he demanded. "Do you know who I am?"

"Yes, that's why I came to help you uncloud thanks to Rosenburg."

Xander strolled over sipping his milkshake. "She really did a number on you." He moved closer and put his arm on the guy's shoulder, looking at the spirit. "Hey, Homer."

"Harris," he said with a nod, looking at her. "Is she yours?"

"My big sister." He grinned. "Willow hates that."

The spirit shivered. "Oh, dear."

"If she hurts my brother I'll be the final great evil humanity has to fight," Darcy said with a grin and a small wave.

The spirit sniffed her then nodded. "Yes, you probably could be. Oh, dear. I'll leave those girls alone, Sorcerer Supreme." He faded out.

The sorcerer knocked Xander's arm off him and felt the clouding spell suddenly. "What did you do?"

"I naturally suck up certain types of chaos magic," Xander said with a grin before taking another pull through his shake's straw. "Darcy too. Those magic eating aliens are nearly here. They're just in the next realm." They walked off together. "Have fun getting all that off you. Whistler said that the PTB are going to be killing a whole lot of slayers during the next apocalypse battle if you wanted to step in there too."

The sorcerer walked off rubbing his forehead. "I have not had a headache this great since I was a physician resident," he muttered. "They truly are forces for chaos." He went home to work on getting himself unspelled. Which was when he realized what they had said about the magic eating problems being very nearby. And what Harris had said was the cure. He went to scry them to see how close they were. His basement monster was a bit dangerous to let out too early.

A young woman appeared, pulling back her ponytail. She stared at him. "Even if they eat all of the magic on this plane, we can restart it, Sorcerer."

"Who are you?" he asked. "How did you appear in here?"

She smiled. "I'm Dawn. Among many things, and I soaked up about half an infinity stone earlier by accident, which showed me what was coming and going on."

He stared at her, mouth slightly open. "That's impossible."

"For humans," she said, raising a finger and smiling again. "I'm not fully human. They didn't make me fully human, just a good facsimile." He used his Eye on her and moaned. She giggled. "Yeah, but I was partially raised by Xander. So I'm really helpful and not as bitchy as the other Summers is."

He nodded. "How can you help us, Dawn?"

"Many ways." She came over to go over what she could do. Including creating a protected area if they had to. She could bring artifacts to her so they could be protected too. He had plenty in storage that needed held onto. She was studying them anyway. Her using them for her thesis paper amused him but he had done a good bit of schooling so he understood.

When his helper came in, he stuttered at Dawn. "Miss, I had no idea we had visitors," he said finally.

She looked at him. "Relax, dude. Really. I'm not here to flirt with him, screw him, or blackmail him. We're working on an upcoming problem. I'm not the skanky ho of Summers like my sister is." She grinned. "Okay?"

"Yes, Miss."

"Dawn," she said slowly and clearly. "Say it with me. Dawn."

"Miss Dawn," he said. He stared at his master, who looked amused. "Did you get sent?"

"Yes, one of the chaos mages I had been working with on protecting myself sent me after he got a vision about these things showing up soon to kill all magic and eat it. Frankly, I'm not a cheeseburger, even if I do look tasty sometimes." Strange walked off laughing. She grinned. "See, it'll be okay."

"Yes, miss. Should I prepare a room?"

She waved a hand. "No. Because that might tempt something to try to fondle me in ways I don't like. Like the tentacle I keep stepping on." She stomped down again. "It's friendly."

"It usually wants to eat people."

Dawn patted him on the shoulder. "Things like that like me. Them, mystical artifacts, all sorts of things like me." She walked off, following the master of the house. "So, your tentacle friend?" He shook his head, sipping his scotch on the rocks. "Are we breaking? I should go intrude on my sister's minions."

"We still have a few things to discuss. How did you get made?"

"Glory got realived. My sister died to kill her. Then Willow brought her back that time." Strange put down his glass hard, staring at her. "I didn't do that spell. But yeah, First Evil, Sunnydale." She shrugged. "The monks sent me to be her sister so she could protect me. I'm sure you've seen the bitchiness that comes out as?"

"I have seen her reactions toward your male friend."

"Xander? Yeah, he's like a super big brother." She smiled. "I used to crush on him but that means some day I'll be dangerous." Willow appeared so she shoved her into a closet and slammed the door.

Strange looked at the door then at her. "There's something in there hiding."

"She has enough magic to destroy the earth, she can handle it."

He grimaced but was trying not to smile. "Perhaps. We should talk about a few other matters. There's not many that know how you practice."

"I don't usually. My magic's pretty tied up but I can do ritual things to open myself to it easier. It means I have more time for flirting in college with guys who I shouldn't want to go out with."

"I had a few women of that sort during my undergraduate studies," he agreed. They went back to the office to go over more helpful things. Including how she had to reverse Rosenburg nearly destroying the earth. He wanted to hear how that had happened and how she had solved it. She really was interesting and didn't say a word about his cape.

***

Xander looked up from being kicked back on the main room couch, smiling at Pepper Potts as she stomped past him. "I'm just waiting on my big sister to finish her hair and stuff. We're going to some poetry thing she got invited to by some hipster wannabe as she described him." She was still giving him a funny look. "Oh, and I also returned or gave your head nerd in charge the power creating stuff I won earlier at kitten poker. Darcy put it into his lab for him to look over."

She blinked a few times. "You and your sister are hanging out a lot recently. Are you moving closer? I'll have you put on the security roster so you don't have to sneak in. Or however you got here this time since last time I think it was magic."

"It's been magic most of the times I've been here," he admitted with a smile. "But hey, that means that your head nerd can test against it so he can figure out how to block it out."

She nodded. "That might be a good idea, yes. What power creating thing?"

"I have no idea what it does." He smiled brightly. "But I won it instead of artillery."

She nodded. "I'll let him know it's down there tomorrow."

"Okay." He grinned at his sister when she came out, whistling at her. "Wow, you really dressed up to go hang out with me."

"Shut up." She swatted him. "I felt like being pretty."

"You're very pretty but not really lusty looking tonight. So is this a 'stare at my curves and rue the fact that you went gluten free night or a just stare at me and maybe buy me a small drink night?"

"I think the second."

He stood up, looking her over by walking around her. "Go change into that green dress I bought you and appropriate, non-grandma shoes." She rolled her eyes but went to do that. He grinned at Pepper. "I got her a come hit on me dress last year for her birthday."

"Some girls need it if they're not taken. And sometimes to get their boyfriend's attention too," she admitted, going back towards the kitchen. "Have fun, be careful. Call if you run into super villains."

"The last one of those I ran into squealed happily," Xander quipped. She nearly dropped her pot of water for tea. He grinned. "He was really a huge squealer and loved to cuddle after sex. It was great. Two weeks of great but now he's off trying to take over Uganda again." Someone in the ceiling choked. "Ceiling Cat?" he asked. "Do you still take normal hoomin prayers?"

"That's probably Clint," Natasha said as she walked into the kitchen. "Where are you and your sister going?"

"Poetry thing she invited me to. So, should I call you if the next super villain I run into isn't interested in squealing?" he asked with a grin.

She looked at him. "No flirting. I'm not dangerous enough for your usual sort," she said dryly but was smirking a tiny bit. He grinned back. Darcy came out and she blinked. "Date?" she asked.

"I needed to feel pretty," Darcy said.

Xander looked her over and nodded, pulling her hair back on her. She swatted at him but oh well. "Not like I didn't learn on the vainest of all bitches, sweetie."

"You sound way gay when you call me that," Darcy complained.

"Only sometimes." He smirked. "Okay, you're hot and people will think that you're with a loser so they'll try to lure you away with that tactic. Got everything just in case? Phone charged, breath mints, emergency toothbrush and stuff, condoms and lube, all that?"

"Yes," she said patiently. "I'm the older one." She swatted him on the arm but they left together.

A few minutes later Clint appeared out of a vent. "Oh my god, I did not *need* to know that Henricks squealed and liked to cuddle!" he complained, shuddering all over. He couldn't do that in the vents, they were too tight.

Natasha blinked at him but sipped her tea. "Why would you know such details?"

"Xander said his last super villain ex was squealy and liked to cuddle after sex for the two weeks they were boinking but he's now trying to take over Uganda," Pepper said dryly.

Natasha let out a tiny shudder. "Yes, I did not need that information either but we can put that into the file so someone can possibly sex bait him." She walked off trying to clear her mind of that information. She did add that fact to Xander's file as well. Perhaps they could find him someone who wasn't a horrible human being to take as a consort so he could calm down. The responding note back she got via email said that SHIELD was not in the business of setting up dates for rogue fighters who, if he had been an agent, probably would've been SHIELD and possibly an Avengers initiative member. But that if they ran into someone compatible they'd introduce them.

Natasha smiled at that good work and uploaded a photo from the security cameras earlier. She had to label Lewis' picture but that was usual. She got an immediate email asking if they were dating and she had to point out that Darcy was Xander's older half-sister. That was noted to be uploaded to her file and his, just in case. Natasha did warn them that he was a highly overprotective little brother with access to higher weapons if someone hurt her. They sent back a 'thanks, have seen that before' and left it there. She went to have tea while she was watching a movie. It was nicer that way for her poor mind.

***

Xander pulled Darcy away from the bad guy that was trying to take the club hostage and looked at her. "Go to the bathroom," he ordered. She nodded, hurrying that way. Xander shot the one trying to stop her in the knee. "Don't touch my sister. I get mad." They all stared at him. He looked at the bad guy. "You had to do this in front of my sister? She doesn't like to see me when I have to fight, Brad." The bad guy of the day whined and came over to hug him. Xander swatted him but hugged him back. "You should go."

"She's in the tower."

"Yes, she's a simple lab assistant who is unpaid and just makes brownies." He pulled back to look at him. "Don't threaten my sister. You won't like it. Remember what I did to that group in Homin that threatened a slayer I don't even like?" Brad and most of his people shuddered. "I adore my big sister. She's my favorite person in the world. I would've set her up with Jesse." He gave him a look. "Don't go near my sister. And if this was a plan to get her here, just go. I can pretty well guarantee she's called her boss and her boss is dating an Asgardian. You know how possessive they can be too."

"Yeah, I do," he admitted. "C'mon, people. We're going to retreat before his sister's friends get here."

"I don't think so," an officer said as he stopped in. "You're a terrorist."

"I'm a nationalist!" He glared at him. "I'm a member of all the right patriot groups, sir. How dare you insult me."

Xander poked him. "Don't argue with the NYPD. They'll kill you." He gave him a pointed look. "The press may complain but not for long."

"Point. Minion Three, go make sure his sister is escorted out of here safely," he ordered. "Do not look like you're taking her hostage. Make sure she gets home just in case."

"Yes, sir," he said, snapping off a salute and heading toward the bathroom area.

"Thanks." Xander grinned at him. "So why did you want my sister?"

"She has information we can use to get the failed experiments on our side."

Xander swatted him on the head. "No. Bad villain." Brad glared at him. He stared back. "Keep it up, I'll sign you up to help fight the next apocalypse battle." Brad shuddered. "I'd miss you but threatening my sister...." He grinned.

"No, I would not, Xander," he said quietly, inching away from him. "We will find another way to get those ones on our side."

"Sure, you send him emails and stuff." He nodded, leaning against a chair. "Have fun with that." He waved. They ran out, running over the officer. He shook his head and put money on the table for the server. "I'm guessing you're not his."

"No," she squeaked. "Who're you?"

"I used to be a watcher, the guy that trained slayers at home." He shrugged. "Have a better night, ma'am. And hey, you can tell people that you were nearly taken hostage but got saved by a totally weird guy." He looked at the officer, who was still glaring at him. "What? I didn't do it! My sister got invited so I came with her to shoo ineffectual little toads off her ass."

"You clearly knew him."

"Yeah, we dated last year for about two months. He's another that won't give blow jobs but he at least treated me like I was a human instead of a pet." He stared at him. "One of my other ex's, who was an assassin for Greece, got me free of him so I paid him back with a fantastic two weeks in Bali." He smiled. "It's just like that around me sometimes. That's why I handle it myself."

"We need to talk to you, sir."

"I need to call my sister to let her know that. She'll worry."

"I'm sure." He grabbed Xander and hauled him outside to talk to the team.

Xander smiled and waved at one. "Hey, Gary. It was Brad. He wanted my sister Darcy to help him get close to Rogers or someone over there."

The SWAT team member stared at him. "Brad? Helmet guy?"

"Other Brad. Patriot guy."

"Oh! Him. Yeah, I thought I recognized the minion." He stared at him. "Why did he know about your sister?"

"Some agency noted that we were half-siblings in their files. You know they all have leaks."

"Point. All right. How many people did you hurt?"

"One minion I got in the knee. I sent Darcy to the bathroom to set off her panic button and Brad sent one of his minions off with her to make sure she got home when the nice officer here came in to save us."

"Sure." He looked at the officer. "Let him go." He huffed but let Xander go. "Do you still have incident handling immunity? We heard you walked."

"I haven't had to check. That might depend on if the menace has remagiced the president again. But at least he's not a puppy now."

Gary moaned. "Oh, damn."

"Yeah but hey, she's not attacking here like she did in Paris."

"True. That's a good thing," one of his coworkers agreed.

"And when the beings that eat magic show up, maybe she'll be fed to them first. It might uncloud a lot of spells." He smiled. "I might offer her up as a trojan horse."

Gary stared at him. "You need to sleep, Xander."

"Each time I do I get woken up by a spell trying to kill me."

"Uh-huh. You can come have our couch."

"Gary, man, I don't want to have your wife hurt. Or your kid. By the way I hear congrats are in order for a second time."

"I haven't heard that. How did you?"

"I got an alert from the slayer bulletin boards. I can't turn those off."

"I understand why. I get a lot of those myself." He stared at him. "We'll figure out how to let you sleep safely. Go check on your sister."

Xander nodded. "I'm just hoping the contract the menace and the bitch put on her is gone. I made sure they knew not to touch her."

"I'll keep that in mind in case I see her attacked by a demon somewhere, Xander. Go check on her and have her help you nap." He nodded, heading off to hike back. It was a few miles but that was fine. Gary looked at his team. "He trained the slayers who stayed at home." They just nodded. "He walked after ten years of verbal abuse by the two top cunts at the Council."

"Who's his sister?" one of them asked.

"She's the brunette that got escorted out," another one said. "I've seen her somewhere but not sure where."

"Okay," Gary said. "We can look that up, just in case we run into her because she's like her brother and draws things like Brad there." He walked off. His bosses were already calling him to talk to him about Xander and that other guy.

***

Darcy was pushed into the tower by the minion, who ran off. She shook her head but smiled at the tower's guard team at the desk. "Xander had me evacuated when his decent enough screw showed up to take me hostage. He should be back soon if the NYPD hasn't arrested him for handling it for them." She ran her pass then got onto the elevator, heading upstairs. She ran into Thor in the elevator near the main floor. "Hey, Big Guy."

"Lady Darcy." He looked her over. "Did your date not go well?"

"I went out with Xander but the one who invited me turned out to be a ploy to get Steve." He groaned and shook his head. "Xander had me evacuated by a minion."

"That is good of him. Though I know you can protect yourself." Her phone rang so she dug it out of her purse to look at. She hit the button for the lobby. "He's returned?"

"We're going clubbing. Which means he really could use a cuddle by someone who wants to do more and could probably use a nap." She got off and strolled off, heading for the club he had found on his hike home. "Laters, guys," she told the guard team. "I'm going clubbing with my bro."

"Sure," one agreed. "Be safe, Lewis."

"I'll try, but I reserve the right to pounce someone. I don't look this fabulous every day. It'd let some guys gain immunity." She got out the door, flagging down a cab and getting in when one stopped. "I need to go to Club Heyday."

"Sure," the cabbie agreed. He drove off.

***

Darcy limped in the next morning, about five in the morning, but leaning on her brother's arm. They were both grinning madly. Darcy had a few bruises but they looked like play bruises instead of fighting ones. Her mascara was trying to run, her lipstick was messed up, and she wasn't wearing her bra any longer. Xander looked like normal, only more relaxed and happy. Darcy waved at the guards before running her pass and getting them both to her apartment. She stepped in and paused then backed up a step and closed the door. She looked up and Xander sighed. "Do you know that big, fuzzy thing?"

"Yeah, it's not totally harmful and might've disappeared." He opened the door again, leaning in to look around. He walked in and the demon showed back up. "You're freaking out my sister."

"Oh! We thought you were dating so we wanted to meet her. Sorry, Knight."

Xander patted him on the wrist. "She's my big sister." He helped Darcy in and to her bedroom then came back out. "So what's up, Homer?"

"The witch is doing something wrong."

"The Red Menace often does."

"The other witch."

"Oh, Dawn?" He nodded. "What is she doing wrong?"

"She's using much magic around one who could take her out for that."

"She's helping the Sorcerer Supreme guy since we're about to be invaded by aliens who hate and eat magic."

"I have heard rumors. Can they not attack her?"

"Dawn has ways of creating protections."

"Ah!" He nodded and smiled. "That is fine. We will not be worried for her."

"Only worry if her sister finds her. You know how she is when she thinks Dawn might have taste in men."

"True. Is it true that the Powers over them are going to kill off many?"

"They're supposedly going to try for them being bitchy like Buffy." He shrugged. "I quit before I killed a few of them for that bitching."

Homer smelled him. "It is good you still handle things."

"Not like they teach the girls to. I taught mine better." Homer nodded, hugging him. "Aww, thanks, Homer. You cuddle very nicely."

"You need a rest," he said, looking at the human. "Very much."

"I know. Each time I sleep Willow does something to try to kill me."

"She is mostly hated on this realm."

"Don't tempt me to make a wish to send her off. We might need her for an apocalypse battle."

Homer snorted. "I understand. Try to rest before your mind goes to that same place that nearly brought those Ring people here." Xander smirked. "Please? We do not want to pay off those bets yet."

"I won't die from it, Homer, and I'm pretty sure I'll be more entertaining if I do get some sleep. Then I'd be going back toward evil. Now, I'm not good enough."

"I feel pity if others try you."

"Someone tried earlier," he quipped with a grin. "You should feel pity for their remains, yes."

Homer hugged him again. "Try to rest, Knight. Become more reasonably evil." He disappeared.

Xander slid out of most of his clothes to his boxers and went to the bathroom then came back to crash on the couch again. When the spell happened, something sent it somewhere else and they got to attack Rosenburg for a bit for ruining the huge political wedding event.

***

Stark barged into Darcy's apartment a bit after nine, making Xander snore but flip onto his side and cuddle back in. He stared at him. "You sleep that deeply?" he demanded. "The super spysassins don't."

"That means he doesn't consider you a threat," Darcy said as she came out of her bedroom. "He only wakes up when it's a threat and this is the first sleep he's gotten in days thanks to the redheaded twat, Stark, so what did you need this early this morning? Because it's my day off from Jane and science."

"I'm going to work up something so I can block magic out."

"Go you," she said with a smirk. "Have fun with that. Will whatever energy thingies he won at poker help with that?" The demon from last night showed up and covered Xander gently in a very soft blanket. "Thank you." She patted him on the arm. "That's very sweet of you unless it's meant to hurt him."

"It's woven with a sleep spell so he has to rest. And also so he won't wake up when that group goes after Rosenburg for disturbing their highly important political marriage last night."

"Was that the spell she tried to shoot at him this time?" Homer nodded. "Then I'm sure Xander was sorry he sent it at them. I can wake him up so he can apologize if you want."

"No! Do not wake him up." He shook his head. "Please, Lady, do not! He has not slept right in months thanks to the redheaded witch. He is so far into the wrong state that he can't even go evil now." She winced. "So please let him sleep, Lady?"

"I really don't have a title," she said.

"You are the female Knight, which is a Lady," he said firmly. "He has earned his title. As you have by what we have seen of your doings." He smiled shyly at her, offering her a flower he conjured. "Thank you for saving those animals as well, Lady Darcy." He disappeared.

She sniffed it with a smile, going to find something to put the flower into.

"What animals?" Stark asked.

"When Loki attacked us in New Mexico I made sure all the animals in the store there were rescued first by putting them with fleeing citizens." She trimmed off a tiny piece of stem and put it into water. It bloomed and smelled great. "That's so great. I need to plant some of those." She prepped the cut piece of stem and put it into some dirt that held her fern.

Stark looked at her oddly. "You rescued the animals instead of yourself?"

"Yeah, they needed it!" She stared at him.

"Uh-huh. So does insanity run in your family or his?"

"Not sure," she admitted then smiled. "Just for that, you owe me a pound of Kona beans."

"Fine, whatever." He flapped a hand. "How do I stop them from appearing?"

"I don't know! That's not my field of interest. Go ask someone like the guy in the cape that's not Thor. Because at least Thor's cape matches his outfit."

Stark slumped, staring at her. "Really?"

"Yeah. He's the Sorcerer Supreme or something."

"Huh." He walked off rubbing his head again. Lewis and her sibling was going to give him a stroke. Maybe that new device on his workbench would give him some headache easing.

Darcy looked up a few hours later at the tower rumbling. "What did Stark do this time?" she demanded. "FRIDAY?" she called.

"Mr. Stark was looking over the device that your brother left last night and activated it by accident. We now have a portal of unknown origins downstairs, Miss Lewis. He wanted to know how to shut it off."

"I have no clue and Xander only knew it created energy." She looked at the still sleeping brother, checking for a pulse. "That sleep spell rocks. I'll have to remember that. FRIDAY, is Jane down there?"

"Yes, of course, Miss Lewis. She ran down at the first rumble and is staring in awe at something that's nearly her life's work but not the bridge."

"Off button," Xander mumbled. "Or take out the battery." He flipped onto his other side. "Why am I so tired?"

"You're catching up," Darcy said, kissing him on the cheek. "Let me go help. You nap." He nodded, blowing an air kiss at her. She put on shoes and headed down to the labs, pushing Steve out of her way. She walked over to the device, taking it to look over. Then she took out Stark's pocket knife to open the little flap, which exposed the battery, just like it did on most devices. She pried the battery out and handed it to Jane, the device to Stark, and put the knife down on the table before walking off again.

"Darcy, where did this come from?" Jane called after her.

"Xander won it at kitten poker."

Jane whined. "Why?" she complained. She slumped, looking at the device and where the portal had been. "Damn it!"

"We can study it then put the battery back once we have a secure place to activate it," Stark said, taking the battery back. "Let's start with scanning it in case opening the case would cancel it." She nodded, following him to that area of the labs. Bruce followed mumbling impolite things in Hindi.

Steve looked at the others gathered and shrugged. "It looks like it's not an emergency. We can ask Xander later on what he knows about where it came from."

"The demon from last night dropped a blanket on him that holds a sleep spell," Hill said from the back of the group. "It could be hours. This barely woke him enough to answer a question."

"I could use that some nights," Steve admitted, frowning a tiny bit. "FRIDAY, please let me know when Mr. Harris wakes up?"

"Of course, sir," the AI agreed patiently.

"Thanks." He looked at Hill. "What's kitten poker?"

"Just what it sounds like," she admitted. "There are flesh eating species who are peaceful. Some eat out of hospitals, some eat out of the pound."

"Eww," he said. "But I guess I can understand that. They can't eat cows or chickens or even fish?"

"No clue," she admitted. "I don't know if anyone asked them."

"Huh." He walked off frowning. "I don't blame them for eating. They've got to be eating to stay alive and if they're peaceful I'm good with them as long as I don't have to see them eating cats."

Hill nodded, looking at the guard she knew was a half-demon on her team. He grimaced. "It's not something I want to watch either."

"Me either," he agreed. "I'll call someone to see what that thing's supposed to do. The portal makers use a bigger device that looks like a generator." He walked off taking out his cellphone to call his mother.

Hill went in to tell Stark that. If it was broken that might explain a lot.

***

Steve was out for a jog that night, still waiting on Xander to wake up, when he found two punks bothering an obvious demon. "What the hell are you two doing?" he demanded. The demon flinched away from him. "You, you're fine as long as you're peaceful." He glared at the two human punks, who shrank away from him. "Hate crimes are always wrong, boys. Go home and learn to become real men. We only hurt those who're threats." They ran off. He looked at the demon. "Are you all right?" He nodded slowly. "Want walked home or to a safe place? I'm only jogging."

"You don't like our kind."

"I don't know hardly anything about any of you but I'm sure learning since meeting Darcy's little brother Xander."

"You attacked that one."

"Someone was yelling at him for snatching her purse and telling him to stop. I was trying to help her."

"Oh!" He blinked a few times and relaxed. "I was out to get my new mate something. She's cranky and about to go into heat for the first time. Thank you."

"You're welcome. You sure you don't want walked somewhere safe?"

"No, we have an enclave nearby but we don't allow humans near it. Thank you."

"You're welcome. All of us on the team are learning a lot about you guys thanks to getting to know Xander."

He smiled. "This Xander sounds nice."

"Yeah. I think it's nicer that he quit the Council though." He grinned. "He seems more relaxed now than when I first met him." He smiled. "Let me finish my run. Have a better night, sir." He jogged off.

"You as well." He waved his hand before rushing back to their enclave to report that. The Knight was in the city and he had taught others to respect them. His elders didn't believe until they called their contact in the city monitoring department to see the film of what had happened. Then they were all amused at the Knight's good graces. It was great of him.

***

Xander woke up with a yawn and was handed a cup of coffee as Darcy walked past him dressed for work. "How long did I sleep?"

"Two days." She grinned at him. "You really needed it so we let the blankie help."

He looked at the soft fur blanket over his lap, rubbing a hand over it. "That's a great gift." He put down the coffee before he could spill it and folded it up, getting up to put it up high in her closet. "That way it's safe." He came back out to get his coffee. "Two days?"

"Yup." She handed him a plate from the microwave too. "I made mini quiches last night."

"You're special," he said, kissing her on the cheek. "Thanks, Darce."

"You're welcome. I answered the one text message you got by telling them I was your sister and you were napping. He didn't answer back." She pushed her hair back over her shoulder. "I'm off to the labs. Are you going to shower and nap again?"

"Yeah, I...I might."

"Good! It means I don't have to nag you like your name is Jane." She poured more coffee and waved as she breezed out to go down to the labs.

Xander grinned but went to shower and change into the outfit he had left here the last time he had been in. Then he laid on the couch to watch some boring daytime tv while texting at that contact. Who wasn't amused she had his phone. He pointed out he was deeply asleep for the first time in months and she was his sister so he trusted her. It only got a huff though. Apparently that sometimes lover hated that she worked here, considered it a disturbing and tainting thing.

***

Darcy was upstairs in the kitchen making Jane's lunch when Thor went stomping outside. "Thor?" she called. "Is Jane having a fit? I'm fixing her lunch."

"No!" he called. "Stay inside for a few minutes."

"Sure." She finished the lunch in time for Stark to stumble past for coffee and steal the plate. Fortunately she had made herself lunch at the same time so Jane would still get to eat. At least until she had to call Jane. "Incoming Bridge," she reported. Jane rushed up with a scanner to take readings, making Thor grunt in irritation. Not at Jane but that someone else was there. Then her brother came strolling out with his axe in hand. So yup, something huge. She went to rescue Jane. She got to see Xander haul off and hit the young warrior that stepped off the bridge, knocking him back onto it.

"No, I don't think we need *you* down here. You'd only embarrass your people worse than Loki did. So go the fuck home, little mantwat, so we don't have to put up with your skanky ass."

The warrior pouted. "Xander," he moaned.

"Hell no!" He pointed. "Tell Heimdall I said hi and he still owes me a striptease from that poker game." The warrior was nearly crying.

Thor looked at him. "How did that bet come about?"

Xander grinned. "Ask him. He told me I was not to tell anyone anything about that night or that battle." The warrior was moving closer so Xander pulled up his axe to look at then give him meaningful looks. The warrior threw the bag he carried at Thor and scurried home like Xander was going to castrate him, hands over his dick to protect it and all. Xander looked at Thor. "So many of your warriors aren't worthy of anything, much less breeding." He walked off. "Tell Sif I said hi too."

"Would she know of that bet?" Thor called after him.

"Yeah. Her group got there to help just after the brilliant plan went off and we started to win again."

Darcy looked at her brother's backside. "Did I hear about that one?"

"Nope. Sworn to secrecy, Darcy." He shot a smirk back at her. "By the way, that one that texted thinks you're being corrupted by working here. He thinks you're turning uptight and less cool." He went back to her apartment.

"I'm less free with things," she admitted. "But that's part of growing up sometimes. Especially when you work all the time. Right, Jane?"

"Shut up, Darcy." She took readings until all the energy from the bridge disappeared. She looked at Thor. "Would that mean he was on Asgard?"

"Perhaps. I should ask about that." He opened the bag to take out the letters, the box of cookies, and the small bottle that held an unlabeled potion. "I have no idea what that is for." He settled on the couch to read the letters. One of them explained the potion so it went into his safe until he could talk to Jane about it. Darcy handed Jane her plate on the way past the kitchen to the labs. "I'll see you for dinner, Jane."

"Thanks, Thor." She was nibbling while they walked. She had to plug in the scanner to get the readings so that was a good time to eat. Besides, Thor gathering her for dinner meant that she'd need some energy to enjoy his body. It was good for her to eat.

Behind her back, Darcy was grinning at her devious plan to get Jane out of the lab for a bit. She'd ask Xander about that bet later. Heimdall naked? Sure, she wanted that mental image for later.

***

Jane looked up from studying her new data when an alarm started. "What's that alarm? Is Stark blowing us up or are we being invaded?"

"According to the building wide text message, we're being invaded by weird people. So safe room." They shut everything down and was in the safe area in their lab before anyone made it to the lab floor. Which meant she got to miss seeing her brother in action again. Though the AI was shooting film to her phone so she could keep track. Just not on her brother. She heard him a few times.

Up the hallway, Xander was circling around his former girlfriend. "What the hell are you doing here, Ari?"

She pouted at him. "I came to meet the new chick in your life, Xander." She smiled and ran her nails over his cheek. "Is she good to you?"

"Darcy's my sister, Ari."

"Oh!" She blinked a few times then smiled. "Even better. Come peacefully before I have to my girls take hostages? They'd *love* some superheroes."

"I'm sure they would," he agreed dryly. "But I've got another day of hanging with my big sister before I'm back on duty. She even made sure I slept since I haven't been."

"Hmm, I can encourage naps in a few ways. As you know." She moved closer, smiling at him. It showed off the diamonds glued to her top canine teeth. "You know I'm really good at it."

He smirked. "You were, but the last time I spent a few days hoping I'd crap out the diamonds I swallowed by accident. You know, others use sparkly, less expensive stones to vajazzle and do their teeth."

"They're posers. Real women have real diamonds."

"Which I can't give you."

She groped him. "You've got better than diamonds, baby."

He kissed her hard and fast, which let Bucky knock her out. He spit out the diamond too. "You need better tooth glue. That's the fourth I've gotten off you." He looked at the women, who were still fighting. "Keep it up, make me make Ari retire, ladies." They all stared at him. He smirked. "I will. I could use a harem lord and she's offered more than once." They groaned but he grinned.

"I'm sure she'd bring some of you with her. Since I'm *retired* now, I could probably start something that needed beautiful, talented minions." They came to glomp on him for that opportunity. Ari had shared the one time she had drugged Xander; she'd had to because the sex gas had been too strong. He had worn them all out. Steve stepped in with Bucky and Clint to pull the women off and arrest them.

Clint looked at him. "What did you do to them?" he demanded.

"Ari was making a sex gas to distract people she wanted to rob. It was a bit strong. She had to share. We were in Belize, on a pretty beach, and I spent two damn weeks wearing myself out." Most of the women moaned. "And them. All of them." Clint gaped, staring at him, making a tiny noise. "And the two undercover agents who were trying to infiltrate that I took with me to protect them. Oral sex. A lot of oral sex."

Clint swallowed his drool. "Damn."

"Definitely. Is there an antidote if she hits us with that gas?" Stark demanded.

"A lot of sex," Xander said, grabbing the canister from Ari's hand. "No. There's no one here I'd have to wear out, Ari."

"I'd volunteer us again," she moaned. "It was so good." The other women nodded they agreed. Xander was actually blushing so she got free to kiss him again. "We were good together. I can help you take over so you do need minions."

"I'm still considering options. And I have to finish handling a few problems before the redheaded menace tries to take me out again. She even tried to have my sister killed."

"She'd never meet up to my standards so therefore should go," Ari said bluntly. "We can work on that for you, dear."

He grinned. "Don't take my fun, Ari." She moaned and nodded, cuddling up to him again to kiss him. "You need better tooth glue." He spit out another diamond, handing it to her. She tucked it into her bra and kissed him again. During it Bucky handcuffed her with Clint's help. They hauled her back and handed her to Hill.

"Arianna Melina," Hill said dryly. "Welcome to Stark Towers."

She snorted, staring at her. "You couldn't beat me in a fair fight, Agent Hill. That's why you sent that pretty blonde cunt to fit in. She did very well. Maybe she'll give you lessons."

"I don't need lessons to be a slut. I don't use my body that way." She hauled her off. "Harris, I want a report on that."

"I'm pretty sure at least one of those agents were yours, Hill," he said dryly. "Considering I escorted her back to your building and we still keep in touch sometimes." He blew kisses. "Be good girls, that way you get out sooner, ladies." They mostly blew kisses back. Darcy came stomping up the hallway. "Hey, Sis. Darcy, this is Ari. She was nearly a real date but she doesn't date. Ari, this is my sister Darcy. I'm more protective over her than I am over Faith. She's a normal lady sort."

Ari looked her over. "She'd look so good as one of my girls. I could give you a lot of battle training, Darcy." She smiled. "I don't have too many brunettes but we do a lot of good things as well as some seriously naughty ones. Last month we held a strip contest to get nuclear plans off someone who really should've known better since he can't even spell nuclear."

"Are you Octopussy?" Darcy asked, cracking her up.

"A worthy role model but my girls are multi talented, not just assassins." She winked at her. "Look me up if you need that sort of training." She spotted Natasha coming off the elevator with Pepper. "Hmm. She could give you the same training but it'd be harsher and it wouldn't let you take pleasure from anything at the same time. I'm a much nicer mistress. If I seriously dated and had relationships I'd have taken in your brother in a heartbeat."

"We'll see. You guys have fun playing with SHIELD while I take Xander back to my apartment. He's supposed to be sleeping. Rosenburg didn't let him sleep for over a month. Not more than a nap now and then when he collapsed."

Ari moaned. "I'm so going to handle that little bitch." She kissed Darcy, then smiled at her. "Nice. You have a good bit I could teach you." She strolled off, pulling Hill, who hauled her with her instead. The bad guys were not in charge of their arrests.

Darcy looked at her brother once the others were gone. "Was that nearly my sister-in-law?"

"Yeah. She almost was. She's really good to me and I like most of what she does. Even if now and then she does handle problems with a striptease."

Clint stared at him. "Sex gas? Really?"

"Really. God damn stuff was so strong it leaked out of the house and hit a dolphin pod who ended up breeding to the point of dying from it. It's probably the only time that blue balls could kill you. Because it raises your blood pressure if you go without for more than an hour or so. It was like all four years of puberty crunched into two weeks of hell." Clint shuddered. "That shit was certifiably nasty. Thankfully the only two copies of the formula are in her mind and in my safe."

"Where's that safe?" Stark demanded. "Before someone breaks into it?"

"It's in the city and someone tried really hard but got denied." He grinned at Steve. "By the way, I got a text message to say thank you from that one you saved. He was very impressed you were actually a nice guy." He looked at Stark again. "The formula's safe, Stark. Even I have trouble getting to my safe and it's mine."

"Still, I'd like to make sure, or maybe make an antidote," Stark said.

"Which means you'd have to make a batch and it might get out. Your tower gets attacked a lot." Clint covered his laughing with coughing as he walked off. "Why would I want that released around my sister? She might break all of you then have to pout." Darcy hit him on the arm. "What? I nearly did!"

"I probably couldn't break them too much. Too many of them have self healing gifts," she said dryly, hitting him again. "Do I know where this safe is?"

"It's in my will so you can get into it to empty and hand over what you need to so you're safe." She stared up at him. "Seriously. My list of former lovers is in there too."

She winced. "Blackmail?"

"A few of them would get some hell for sleeping with me but no. Not really." He gave her a hug. "My axe will automatically fly in there too so you can pick it up." She poked him with a huff. "That way you're protected from wannabe warriors that think they're hot and shouldn't even be allowed near people because they're that stupid and weak. Like the one earlier." Thor nodded as he walked up the hallway nibbling a cookie.

"Still, Xander."

"Hey, we all know I do stupidly honorable things with a sword or an axe, Darcy. How many times have you seen a battle I've been in and hoped I walked away?"

"Most of them."

"Which is why I have a will and six spots that are hiding stuff for you mentioned in it. The seventh I haven't set up yet. I should but I haven't decided where or how. Maybe I'll ask one of those two agents. We still email and sometimes we screw if we're in the same area and they need some stress relief."

She poked him again. "You're being depressing so I don't ask you about my almost sister-in-law." He grinned. "C'mon, we'll go talk about those. That way I know to run there before someone can block your will."

"I still want to see anything like a weapon in them," Stark ordered.

"Don't work for you, Stark," she quipped. "Neither of us do. I work for Jane."

"Jane says if that sex gas gets out, Jane's going to kill someone after she kills her boyfriend in bed," Jane called. "Please someone make an antidote."

"I don't think it's possible," Xander called. "And that's why I have it sealed in my safe, Jane."

Jane looked out at him. "Please let Stark see it? That way I get the portal making ball all to myself?"

"With your luck, he'd make it and something would break in here and break the beaker to spread it," he said dryly with a smirk and a wink. "Then you'd all be sorry." Darcy shuddered. "Yeah. Seriously."

"Vision?" she asked with a wince.

"Yup, sure was. And while the mental porn was nice of the beings who send me visions, I didn't really want to see you having that sort of sex, sis."

She huffed but grinned. "Yeah, I feel the same after walking in on you and that guy."

"That guy...oh, Dennis. French frogman guy. Yeah, he wasn't great but it was fun for a few days and it paid for me to get higher weapons for that battle in Bolivia." Jane was giving him the most horrified look. "Sex before a battle is a good thing, Jane, and it would've been about twelve mil without it, and we still didn't have enough weapons but he was watching so donated and only asked for another week with me. Which wasn't bad since he took care of my injuries."

He shrugged. "I'm a practical man. Sex is good, especially when you're about to possibly die, and if it's me going on my knees or the world ending, I'll take some semi-decent sex. Because most of the ones that demand it as a price for the weapons aren't that great at it. And most won't give blow jobs or really care about if I get off. Going into battle sexually frustrated has led to a *number* of wins for the slayers."

Darcy hugged him. "It's better now."

"It is. Now, if they want weapons, they can go sex up an arms dealer. It might make a few of them less cranky."

She walked him off cuddling him. "It's okay. We can make sure the ones that want you now only want you for the good reasons."

Jane made a whining noise, looking up the hall at Thor and the others.

"Yeah, sometimes you gotta do it," Clint agreed with a nod. "Some agents have had to too, Jane." She slumped, going back to her lab. He looked at Stark. "If you do get the formula, you are not to make a single drop, Stark. Xander's visions are never wrong, just off time sometimes." Stark winced. "Really. Never, ever make a drop or we'll lock you and the formula up together with Pepper and flee like hell before the tower gets invaded."

"I wonder if it's built off the Svartalfheim bonding fluids," Thor said, finishing that cookie.

Steve looked at him. "They drug you for marrying?"

"Arranged marriages often aren't friendly at first," Thor said. "So it helps with that and that a child would be on the way sooner instead of later."

Steve shook his head. "No thanks. Stark, don't make that gas." He went to help Hill deal with the slinky minions who all wanted Darcy's little brother.

Clint looked at Natasha. "I wonder which agent we sent down to them."

"Blonde isn't definitive with hair dye," she said. "Though there's not many female agents who could handle an undercover for that long or that went that bad. Or ones that are Harris' type of dangerous and only slightly evil."

"You think it was Bobbi?"

"You'd have to ask her or Hill," Natasha said. "I hadn't even heard about that operation."

He nodded, walking off as he thought about how few agents fit the 'light evil' category. "Maybe I'll text her. I haven't talked to her in a while. If she's into Xander, it might be good for both of them."

"I don't need to know," Stark decided, going back to his lab to lock himself inside and throw a fit. Why had those women invaded here? He sent out a message to Hill, who sent back what they had been going for. "They were going to steal an arc reactor so they could test it for other uses," he said dryly. "Really." He looked around. Then he got into a computer to find the one that was missing from the case. He found it and blew it up, making her go up in the cab. Pity. He didn't let those out for a very good reason. He sent that at Hill and left it there. She could have it cleaned up by someone. He almost wondered if she had left a lone survivor sort of minion who'd come break the others out of jail but if so, they probably wouldn't come for Darcy or Xander at least.

***

Banner and Hill knocked on Darcy's door that night, getting her. "What's up, guys?"

"Is your brother still here?" Hill asked.

"Yeah, he's in the shower because he's leaving in a few hours." She let them inside. "Xander, visitors," she yelled. She went back to finishing dinner so her poor brother could eat before he left. It was nice he was getting regular nutrition again.

Xander came out of the bathroom in a towel. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"We'd like to get into the information you're keeping safe," Hill said. "Just to note that someone has it if it's not been heard about. Not to put into a file so it can be leaked but so we know that you have something that could potentially help us some day."

Xander stared at her. "They're for Darcy's use after I die, Hill. Nothing in there should help you now."

"No weapons plans or anything?"

"Very few and still, not something you can use unless it's a last resort and I'd better be dead or I'd be getting it out myself."

"We also wanted to see if we can figure out why you don't react like normal to medicines. It could be important some day," Bruce said.

Xander considered that. "The virus that's in everyone's systems if my blood is run may be no longer in existence. It's the same little magical computer imp Willow uses to remove battle footage and talk about the slayers. As for why I react funny?" He leaned against the wall. "There's a few reasons. Three past possessions. One genetic infiltration. Two events in Africa. Being splashed with demon blood a few times during battles." He stared at him.

"Beyond that, I don't tend to go to hospitals. Normal people freak out about my former job. Especially ER people when they have to start wondering about claw marks. A few I excused as animal attacks but some you really can't hide, especially if the doc was on site during the battle." He shrugged some. "I'm not sure if you could even run my blood with all that tainting it. It might not register as human in some systems. I know that happened when I had malaria but they decided it was a computer glitch."

Bruce stared at him. "Genetic infiltration?"

"I was nearly turned into a mermaid. Well, I guess it's merman since I'm a guy." He frowned but let it clear up. "The swim coach *really* wanted to win. I joined the team to see why they were turning into black, slimy monsters that ate people. That's a pretty minor problem but since then I've been hit with enough demon blood to possibly register as some weird crossbreed."

"Can we try?" Hill asked. "It might really matter after some battle, Harris."

Xander shrugged. "You can try but it had better not get anywhere."

Bruce shook his head. "No, I'm looking at it as a research subject. I'm not going to write a paper about you." Xander smirked at him. "Is that scar a knife wound?" he asked with a point at one.

Xander looked then pointed. "The big one? No, it was a demon that had arm blades trying to take out one of my minis. It wasn't a long battle but I woke up and didn't have a weapon. It was one you could've shot but my gun was way too far out of reach."

Bruce stared at him. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously. Him and his chained pet the biter."

"Was that in those journals?" Hill asked.

"Um...no. Those were sanitized, Hill. I'd never say that to the bitches that thought I was worthless and normal, I didn't want to hear all the shit they'd spew. There's whole months that aren't covered by those and frankly, if the bitches heard I'd be hunted down and killed because one of those I had to cover up was marrying one of the minis to protect her from the leeches around her. It wasn't formal, it wasn't legal, but it was done to protect her and then I moved her ass somewhere else and let the other slayers raise her." Hill winced. "But it was that or she'd be married off to someone who'd kill her pretty fast for being strong and unable to bear kids. I talked with her about it and she agreed it was the only way to save her."

"Is she still alive?" Darcy asked. "You should've told me that, I would've helped the kid."

"She was fourteen, Darcy. It was solely to protect her and nothing happened more than I hugged her. I think I kissed her on the forehead once. She's actually dating a really nice guy now. I still get emails from her and the others down there."

"Wow," Hill said. "That was an emergency and yeah, that's a way an agent would've handled it."

"I think most of yours would've probably done something like sneak her out of the village but I couldn't manage that."

"No, I get that. You did the right thing in that case," Hill said. "Would you like to test to be an agent?"

"No, that would turn me against my lovers that still talk to me."

"Point." She grimaced. "When's the next bigger battle for yours?"

"Three days and the PTB are going to try to take out a lot of the slayers."

"PTB?" Bruce asked.

"Powers That Be, the assholes who pick and destiny the slayers," Darcy told him. "They hate the ones that are bitchy, pushy, and the ones that prove self will. They'll try to kill Xander too if he's there."

"Xander has a way around it," he told her.

"I'm sure you do," she agreed. "You'd better or I'll summon your ass back. First Evil be damned." She heard something in the hall and went to open the door, pulling in the slayer that worked in PR. "Hey, so lurking?"

"Hey, Misty," Xander said with a nod.

"You did what with one of the mini slayers?" she demanded.

"Ems, you've seen her on the bulletin board?" She nodded, still glaring at him. "She was about to be married off to some asshole who would've killed her. Her mother made sure he would kill her if she didn't become a normal woman suddenly. So I stepped in to fight for her, got non-legally hitched to her, then I took her to Patrice and let Patrice have her to finish raising. I never touched her, I didn't do more than hug her, and once I think I kissed her on the forehead. It was only to save her and I talked to her beforehand about how to save her tiny ass." She gaped. He nodded. "Yeah. The same as I killed three priests to get Patrice out of a fire they had thrown her into. That's why she has those scars. It wasn't a fire set by the Bringers like the others thought. She wasn't going to correct the assumption because she's still getting flashbacks to them declaring her a great evil. Not everywhere is civilized."

She stared. "Why don't the others know about that?"

"Can you imagine what would happen if the blonde heard?"

"Oh, god, yes," she admitted. She handed back the journals, making him smirk. She pointed at Darcy. "Her idea."

"I know. That's why those two want to kill her." He put them onto a chair. "Those are sanitized so I didn't have to hear the whining, bitching, or be summoned back so I could be beaten for protecting the little minis. Apparently some of them think that an eight-year-old girl handled a slight case of invasion and I wasn't going to break that thought that I let her do that. They removed the footage anyway. Apparently without looking at it."

She winced. "I've seen them doing that."

"The one in three days, the PTB are going to try to take out a bunch of you. And me but most of you girls."

Misty grimaced. "I'm not going anyway. I'm guarding this city in case something happens. The two on duty here are going out."

"I sent out a warning. Whistler told them that himself." Misty moaned. "Yeah. They also tried to put a contract out to kill my sister."

"I heard. I've discouraged and I've heard." She shifted her weight. "So that was the cleaned up for bitchy young women version?" He nodded. "Some of those were really bad, Xander."

"Yeah, I minimized the ones I couldn't hide."

"Do you have a journal with those?"

"Online." He grinned. "My phone got livejournal."

"Congress wants to talk to them."

"GOOD!"

She clenched up. "Oh, damn."

"Yup. And at that point I'll release that journal to them." He smiled sweetly. She shivered. So was Hill. "And if I die before then the information on that site is listed in my book in one of my safes. Which my sister will have information to get into."

Misty looked at Darcy then at him. "We can release it earlier."

"Doing it before a battle will cause a ton of shit," he said.

"Yeah, it could, but it'd take the focus off the battles. Do you have copies of the footage?"

"Some, not all. They got to it before I could. As soon as the drive is plugged in, her little imp spell will eat it."

She considered it. "We have shielded systems. I can ask Pepper to use one."

"It gets into everything, even not-connected systems sometimes."

"Let me ask Stark to figure that out. Can we have those to PR the hell out of it? It'd probably make the normal people feel sorry for the girls."

He considered it. "I wouldn't mind some of that but if they come after me again, I'm going to have to do the PTB's work for them." She nodded. He walked back to the bedroom to get his phone, coming out in a pair of sweatpants as well. He got into his journal site and smiled. "Aww, she tried to eat it on me." He found the two backups were gone too. "Such a silly little witch." He took Hill's phone then Misty's phone to get into. He got her onto the site that has the full files. "That's the full, as in not even cleaned up, files. I was going to give you the still cleaner version."

She looked then up. "FRIDAY, can you please save everything on this site down immediately before the witches get it?" she called.

"Of course I have," the AI said. "Mr. Stark wanted to know about that as well. I've found remains of the other sites as well so they're also saved, Mr. Harris."

"Thanks."

"Is there another site you use?" the AI asked.

"Yes. It's an online storage area. It's on my phone's card."

"Ah! That's charming and it's saved as well. Also, Mr. Stark had me finding remains of those battles to save in a way she can't get to. An imp is no match to me. Miss Herrick, Sir said he would make them available to you tomorrow, once he's looked it over to make sure no one he knows was involved."

"Two probably could lead back to his competitors," Xander said. "One outright gave me weapons when I asked him because he didn't want to die. The other I baited and stole from."

"I've let him know and he said it might be a good thing."

"Make sure they can't get to it," Hill said. "I need to write a report as well so agents know how to help the girls that they run into. Because someone's got to do it without Harris rampaging around."

"You say some sweet things, Hill, but you're still not my type. You'd never relax and let me pamper you silly." He stared at her. "Some girlish times might relax you. Haven't you been to the spa in a while?"

"Last week," she said dryly. "I'm on edge around you because you have women like earlier show up to kidnap you. They might mistake me for one of them."

He grinned. "You'd have to be better and more slinky dressed for most of them, Hill. They don't do basic women and they don't do ones without taste and jewelry. Even I had to wear a suit for most of them."

She looked him over then shook her head. "I'd never be that sort of woman but I'll let Natasha know just in case." He grinned. "Let me go look over that footage with you, Misty. That way we can get it onto safer media sooner." She nodded, heading out with her.

Bruce looked at him. "You distract them very well."

Xander grinned. "I learned growing up with the redheaded one. I've known her since the first day of school, Dr. Banner. She was always like that. Distraction works wonders on her. I've gotten her out of bad spell casting in the past with succuba."

Bruce smiled. "That might distract many people. Especially Stark." He looked him over. "Can I still draw some blood?"

"If you must but you can't let it out."

"I won't. Even if I find out you're the cure to every disease, I won't let it out, Harris."

"Then fine." Banner left and came back with a tackle box he pulled things out of. Xander sat down, letting him pull blood. Then take a cheek swab. Bruce smiled and went back to the lab to get to work.

Darcy looked at him. "They're going to eat you."

"Possibly but maybe I'll go hide behind a boyfriend or something." He stared at her. "I still have to leave in two hours." He went to change into real clothes. His journals got put into his bag. Darcy had done all that evil herself and he was really proud of her for it.

***

Hill looked at Stark the next morning, pretty traumatized by that last battle. "I wonder which demon culture is taping him," she said finally.

He nodded, swallowing hard. "Yeah, so do I but it's very nice of them." He blinked at the frozen image of a naked Heimdall. "Damn it." He rubbed his eyes. "I can't unsee that."

"I know. Damn." She sipped her water. "Should we tell Thor?"

"No! He'll never be able to look at him in the face again. Though, I'm having bad thoughts about if all Asgardians are built that way."

"No, many aren't," she said. "Thor's symmetrical but no." She finished her water. "I promised Misty could view them today."

"I'll...hide that one a lot. Because, wow." He hide that file and locked it down. He got them both water and went back to watching the battles while Hill took notes.

***

Hill walked up to an agent she knew that night, handing over a normal spiral bound notebook. He stared at her. "What I saw when I got into patrol journals," she said quietly. "It's brain warping but that's to be transcribed and locked. Permanently locked."

He nodded. "I'll pass that on. How bad?"

"I'm going to find a tequila special. Then I'm going to get drunk enough to sing karaoke. Tell the boss that and he'll understand." She walked off. Darcy had suggested a bar up the street.

He went back to his base, handing over the notebook. "Hill said that's a full report on someone's patrol journals she saw, and it needs transcribed but permanently locked as higher than eyes only. She said she's going to get blasted on tequila and go sing karaoke."

Director Phil Coulson stared at him. "She's only done that twice. The incidents involved were so bad she had to drink them out of her head. Did she say anything else?"

"No, sir. Just that it's brain warping. I didn't look on the way back."

"All right, I can transcribe that and lock them. Thank you for meeting her for me." He nodded, going back to his rooms. Coulson opened the notebook to look at the note she had left on top. "Oh, Harris," he said with a smile. "Interesting. The ones he released were nicely cleaned up." He flipped through it, blinking at the notes she had made. One read simply 'naked Heimdall', but he could ignore that for now. By the end, he decided to not transcribe it, just lock that notebook up. Maybe he'd go get drunk and sing karaoke too. It might make the world make sense again. When the report on the bimbos who had invaded Stark Tower showed up on his desk, he sighed and locked his office down before going to find something to gulp by the gallon. Before those thoughts stuck in his head.

***

Bucky walked into Jane's lab, looking at Darcy. "Doll, where's the battle tomorrow? Steve's worried that we may need to step in."

She looked up at him. "It's entirely possible that they're going to be killing some of the slayers and whoever else is there, Bucky. Xander has an idea but still."

He licked his lips but nodded. "We could help that problem calm down."

"You could also really end up dead."

"True, but that's any day around here due to Stark blowing up a lab." Jane tried not to laugh. "So..."

"LA. Downtown LA like the invasion. Moving out toward the Hills area."

He nodded. "We'll see if we can help them. The girls don't deserve that just for being bitches." He patted her on the head. "We'd protect him too." He went to tell the others. They were arguing about how fast they could get to the battle from the tower. "It's in LA," he told them. "Heading toward the Hills area according to Darcy."

"I never considered asking her," Stark said dryly. "She sure?"

"That's what he told her apparently."

"So probably but he might've tried to cushion her," Steve said. "I wish we had a definitive source." A book thumped down in front of him. "Wow. Thank you, whoever granted that wish," he called with a smile and a wave. "We'd like to help the girls survive." He got into it, blinking at the list of upcoming battles. As written by someone in the next century. "Looks like it is LA but not downtown." He let the others have the book to look over.

"We can let SHIELD agents hold this city and Cleveland in case," Hill said quietly. "Your team can get to Malibu tonight." They all nodded. "Be safe, people. Demons are mean and Harris has so many scars it's not funny. Some I didn't even want to wonder about." They nodded, going to pack things so they could fly to the west coast.

***

Coulson looked at the mess around the still open portal and then across it. He looked at the agents and the slayers being field treated, and one guy who was trying to get away. "Harris, great plan, thankfully it couldn't spew back this way."

"I made sure before I requested that guy make me one."

"Who?" Coulson asked.

"No comment." He stared at him. "At all. Sorry."

"I understand that loyalty. We probably have him under watch anyway so I won't worry about it." Buffy started to rant but he held up a hand. "I am not going to punish someone for protecting this planet from things that want to end humanity, Miss Summers. Not your girls, not Harris, not the one he got the bomb that stopped this invasion from. For that matter, you should feel lucky he took into account that it could blow back. He protected you and the other ladies at the same time." He stared her down until she shrank away. He looked at Xander again. "Anything else to note?"

Behind him the portal was shrinking then closed with a pop. "The aliens are here who eat magic," he said. "That portal was too strong for the coven to close and they've been here since this morning. Strange is fighting them with everything he can. I gave him hints about what I saw in the vision."

"They eat magic?" Coulson asked to make sure. Xander nodded. "All right. That could cause many problems."

"Many," Xander agreed. "Including taking out a good portion of humanity. Thankfully he recruited help."

"Excellent. I'll have an agent go talk to him about that. I know last night he went to a play with a young woman." Xander grinned. "You saw?"

"I introduced since she's a protection specialist."

"Wonderful. We'll see what we can do to help them."

"They're from another plane. The head thug's family was killed by their Ministry of Magic sorts. They've decimated at least five realms so far."

"All right," he decided. "We can help them handle it wherever a muggle can." Xander grinned a bit. "How does this rate against Zaire?"

"You saw those?"

"I got the report about those." He stared at him.

Xander looked around then at him. "In Zaire I had three slayers who were teenagers that I didn't want anywhere near it and half a military unit because they scoffed until the demon killed their main council building. Then they panicked and sent me things that weren't real handy, like air support. Nearly killed those of us fighting until a general with sense stepped in and got them to do what they needed to. Sucks that the general in question was Fury but oh well I guess. Any port in a storm."

"I didn't know it was him, it wasn't mentioned."

"He didn't look like himself. He looked like Shaft."

"Figures. That's his downtime look," Phil agreed dryly. "Did they listen to him?"

"He shot the one in charge that tried to stop him in the knee. They whined a lot but admitted at the end he had good ideas and just had him run out of the country."

"Good. I'll have to ask him about that," he muttered. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. I can do the stitches I need." He glared at the person trying to hold him in place. "Really I can."

"No you can't," he ordered. "That's my job so sit there and shut up."

"Gee, you don't look like a slayer," he said dryly. "So fuck you." He looked at Coulson again as he stood up, leaning on his axe. "Anything else we need to know?"

"How were the higher ups going to use this to take out the slayers?"

Xander pointed. "See the green guy in the robes?" The agents all looked and nodded. "His touch is poisonous and he's an alien from another place. I shot him before he got any of the girls but that's why one of the agents fell. That one has a partner that's the guy in the blue robe." He pointed at him. "Who has multiple weapons on him and appeared to be trained highly in martial arts somehow. He's from a local, imported, demon species that are so badass even Norris would be in awe."

Phil nodded once. "Interesting. Are any of them interested in being agents?"

"No. Those who leave the order, because their whole species is like a buddhist temple but gender segregated, tend to turn into assassins. That one's got marks that state he's on a holy quest. That's the marks on his throat. Giles should be able to translate them to see who gave him the order."

"Thank you. That's very helpful." He handed him a card. "Tell me if something else is going to happen please. That way we know when to respond so we quit feeling useless while some young women protect us. That's my job as well as theirs."

Xander took it with a nod. "I'll forward copies of visions." He tucked it into his back pocket. "Or to the woofing bitch of battle since she's near my sister." He grinned. "Laters." He walked off. A few of the coven tried to get in his way but the agents there moved them. "Thanks, guys. Make sure they don't poison you. They've tried to get me a few times in the last day or so." He looked at one. "Someone really should remove the spells on them." He gave her a pointed look. "Before you fully turn evil." He found his car and drove off.

Coulson looked at Summers. "We'll make sure your girls are all right through the ER and get you evacuated back to Cleveland. Or wherever. That way no other agents can interfere or try to harm your people. I know that's a worry you have. Especially about the military."

"You don't know anything about us," she sneered.

"That's your fault, Miss Summers. There's many of us who would help you and the girls fight these things. I have an agency that threw horrendous fits when they found out that they were being protected by fashionable young women. We believe it's our job as well." He stared at her. "We've also sent away a military unit already." She winced. "We'll be talking soon about how we can help you do our shared duty. We may not know much about demons but we're more than willing to learn and we can even bring higher weapons when they're needed."

He smiled slightly. "Let's get your people patched up and home to recover." His earpiece went off. "Simmons, stop that Humvee," he agreed. "Thank you." They all heard it be stopped by a small explosion. "That's General Talbot." He waved a hand. "Let's get you cleaned up, ladies." They all stared at him. "It's safer. We can guard you. We're trained in protection actually." He smiled slightly again and let them go with the agents to the ambulances he had set up. Halfway to one, he had to fall down with a yelp of pain as an arrow pierced his hip. "Damn it, Hawkeye," he muttered, holding the wound. "You couldn't wait?"

"Hell. No," came from a higher spot. "We'll be talking soon, *sir*."

Steve walked over and helped Coulson up, handing him to one of the agents. "We all would like to talk to him."

Coulson looked at him. "Fury's hiding from that talk since he had me revived and tortured into health."

Steve grinned. "Thanks. We'll talk with him too." He walked off. "And your new little agent who had no idea how to use her skills in battle. She has to be better with that."

Coulson looked at his agent. "If I die, you know the protocols and who follows me."

"Yes I do, sir," he agreed, staring after Captain America. "Wow."

"Yes, he is. I've admired him for years." He let himself be taken to the hospital. A few of the girls stared at him. "I got killed during a battle and didn't tell anyone I was revived." They just nodded. He nearly flinched at the nurse that walked over to him. "I didn't know you went to college, Natasha." She smiled and hit him with a needle a bit viciously. "Fine. We'll talk later," he said as he drifted off.

She looked at the slayers. "Yes, the team will be sending myself and Barton to help that talk about how we all protect humanity. There are many times we could have stepped in to help and some of us are even learning about swords." She walked off again. At least Clint hadn't used the explosive tipped arrow. He was being nice today apparently.

The slayers shared a look. Those agents were creepily efficient and definitely weird. Maybe they'd fit in with the Council after all.

***

Steve came back from meeting with the slayers, SHIELD, and others who were interested in helping with battles, finding a pretty young woman chatting with Darcy and Jane about space. "Hi," he said with a smile and a nod. "Darcy, your brother's still hiding from the slayers."

"Yeah, my sister's a purebred bitch," Dawn said dryly. "Has been since about tenth grade actually. She turned into that when the slayer download made her quit being an airhead cheerleader." She smiled at Steve's odd look. "Hi, Dawn Summers." She waved a hand. "Semi-magical and research support behind Xander and other decent people who try to save humanity for some unknown reason."

"He never told us about you."

"It's to protect me. If Buffy finds out I know anyone that's mildly cute or knows how to fight, she goes on massive fits and usually tries to have me kidnaped to be kept in a tiny room that'll kill me by leaching out my magic." Willow appeared and Dawn shot her in the chest with a rubber bullet. She still went down screaming. "I'm so going to offer you to Strange so he can use you to power the spell to stop those magic eating assholes, Willow. So just stop it."

She looked at Jane. "I can definitely note the portal differences when I've traveled. Not always by choice but I do keep notes on all those so they may help you. It's not better than social research probably but it might help. I know I have notes on how I formed the portals so I could get home the last time when *someone* sent me to another galaxy." She glared at Willow then smiled at Jane again. "Beyond that, still have that letter I need to send someone's mom."

"She died."

Dawn smiled. "She's ...parts of her are in stasis due to an earlier thing when she was young woman," she said. "She told me that when I helped her handle something that attacked her." Willow was groaning but trying to move. "Be thankful they weren't real ones, Willow. I did have to learn to protect myself thanks to you." She looked at Jane again then pulled her journal out and the letter. "Please? She's partially locked inside the temple she visited when she was eighteen and going on a quest to find some sort of tiara to prove her worth to Odin." Thor stomped out. "Hey, Thor. Tell Sif and Hogun I said hi?"

He wasn't shocked at her appearance, one of the letters he had been sent warned about her being mouthy but capable. "I can do so, Dawn. Why are you here?" She handed the journals to Jane and the letter to him. "My mother has passed."

"She got partially trapped in that temple when she went looking for the tiara to get married in."

Thor blinked. "She told us of that quest his mother set her," he said, sitting down. "She never mentioned that."

Dawn nodded. "The quest's tale mentions that she had to give up part of herself to be worthy. Most people thought it was allegorical about her purity of thought and innocence since Odin being a warrior meant that she couldn't be a virginally pure little wench and be married to him." She stared at him. "I'm pretty damn sure there's part of her locked in there. Give her that when you find her?"

"I can do such. I did not know that quest was written down."

"Thor, your people have how many bards?" she asked dryly, smiling at him.

"True. I had not heard of it but I will ask. Do you know how Xander was on Asgard?"

"Yeah, partially. Apparently the Dwarf queen's second daughter was being attacked and made a wish upon her special necklace, which holds five wishes, to have a warrior to protect her because she was highly injured. It pulled him up. Then things happened and the bad dwarves attacking them summoned or somehow got something bigger and the only way to kill it was to distract the spell casters so they did something that the scrying spell I cast when he disappeared didn't catch. I figure the damn thing's still set on PG-13 though so probably someone's pants ripped again."

"Naked Heimdall?" Darcy guessed. Dawn burst out laughing, leaning on Darcy's arm to giggle. "Yeah, that probably fits." She looked at Thor. "If so, he's still pretty hot. I'd stare at him instead of Xander any day."

"He is your brother," Thor said dryly but was smiling. "I know not why he would be embarrassed about that." He looked at his beloved. "Will those help you?"

"Somewhat. The portal making notes mention energy and how to create them. It might help me a lot. Thank you, Dawn."

She smiled at her. "It's not a problem, Jane, but we do suggest that you remove anything that might tweak energy streams for a few days. Those magic eating jackholes are going to cause it problems."

"Stark routinely tries to blow up the building," Darcy said. "Can I help with that, Dawn?"

"No. Your magic's so weak that you'd just be eaten in a snap."

"Damn. But okay, let me know if I can help."

"I'll do that." She kissed her on the cheek. "Xander's in China right now for some reason and said to mug you for him." She winked at her. "Let me know if you want to go out on the town sometime soon. Especially after the battles." She stood up. "You guys have a better day." She left, going back to the mansion. Her teacher/coworker was staring at her. "What?"

"Has Xander adopted you?"

"Quite possibly he's claimed me as his family. I've liked Darcy each time I've talked to her though."

"Good."

"Are you jealous we hugged?" she asked with a smirk.

"No! Even if I were interested I'm not that sort of man." He gave her a glare. She just grinned back. "You are chaos incarnate some days."

"Not usually. I must've sucked up the wrong part of that Key of Life." He groaned, shaking his head. "So, now what, boss?"

"Now, we must fight them and keep them from taking out a demon bank for some reason."

"The one in Brooklyn has a lot of artifacts in very severe storage. It's strong enough that even the Council considers it worthy to hold things."

"Blast." They went to handle it with the other magic users.

Dawn walked into the bank first and someone came running. "Wow, I almost expected this bank to be run by goblins," she said with an evil little smirk. The manager glared at her. "I'm here to up your protections because you're going to be attacked by those stupid magic eating things."

"They're trying to chew through our shields but we're holding on."

Dawn laid a hand on his arm. "And I'm better at powering them." He blinked then stared. "By the way, I'm Dawn Summers. One of the heirs of Xander Harris."

The demon stared at her. "You do not look like your sister."

"No, I look like our mom. Buffy dyes her hair."

"That figures." He took her to the keystone for their shields, letting her join with them. Outside the magical battle started again. It was not going to be pretty for this neighborhood but thankfully it was mostly demon owned.

***

Darcy got kidnaped as the magic eaters were being defeated by everyone in the city that wore spandex and the entire magical contingent. She looked at the man who had her then turned and slapped him as hard as she could. She then kicked him in the thigh. "You absolute man twat. How dare you kidnap me!"

He looked amused. "You're feisty."

"Yes and I'm not amused. Too bad I only have my tazer on me." She pulled it and hit him with it, making him yelp and sneer at her. She smirked back. "Your brother didn't scream like that when I hit him but he was drunk."

"Thor does do that," he admitted dryly. He stepped back away from her. He had underestimated her a tiny bit. She was very feisty. "There are things around you that could be quite interesting."

"And there's people around her who can kill you," a male voice said from behind him. "Thankfully my sister has an emergency spell on her so I know if someone harmful comes near her." He smirked, axe in hand. "Loki. What did I tell you the last time you tried to fuck with my slayers?"

"I don't really remember, it was so boring."

"Hmm. Don't fuck with the slayers, the crazy ones, or a Harris. My sister may not be a Harris by birth but she's damn near close enough." He sneered at him. "Why did you kidnap my sister?"

"She can be useful."

"So can I. You shouldn't pick on women. Didn't your mother teach you that?"

"My mother...." He sucked in a breath. "Is not a subject of study."

"Dawn thinks part of her is trapped from that quest."

"She thought so too when she warned me of taking on quests. We must talk about how a Key of Life was removed. The Soul Gem is half empty of its power."

"Hmm. Yeah." He pointed. "Magic eating assholes."

He looked then groaned. "Why must your people have those sort?"

"They hate magic." Xander shrugged. "There's plenty of times I hate magic too." He gave him an impatient look. "Now, anything else?"

"Were they the ones that drained it? It could become...necessary soon." Xander moaned and held his head. "What are you doing?" he demanded.

"He has visions of battles," Darcy said, moving to help him. "Xander? Xander, come on, let's come out of it. Talk to me, little brother." Xander groaned and patted at her. "Phone?" He nodded so she handed it over. He made notes and handed it back then passed out. She looked at the notes, then showed them to Loki. "Looks like your people are screwed. Want a few slayers? We'll send you the bitchy ones."

"He ...foresaw?"

"Yes." She nodded. "He does it a lot. Unfortunately." A demon appeared and Loki just sneered at it. She picked up her brother's axe, wincing at the weight, and took a swing at it. It yelped and disappeared. "Be less useless to protect yourself, Loki." She stared at him. "So why else did you show up?"

"We felt an ancient power come into being."

"That's probably Rosenburg doing something. You two should meet. She's not crazy but she's powerful, cranky, and slightly evil too."

"I do not need more minions." He stared at her. "I did come in peace."

"And yet you kidnaped me." She stared at him. "So...." She waved her free hand around.

"You can't use that axe."

"He couldn't when he picked it up either. He still managed to do a lot of demon hunting with it before he fully learned."

He blinked at her, giving her an odd look. "Really?"

"Yeah, really. He's fought up there before too."

"Interesting." He looked at the unconscious one then at her. "We must talk to that power."

"You're going to have to wait. They're having a battle for the fate of humanity. I mean, you could do something to go make sure the magic eating ones are gone." She waved a hand. "Please do if you want. Your brother's there too."

Loki looked, grimacing. "I had warnings of such." He grimaced but went to solve it since the one he needed to check on was down there. He appeared and walked up behind one of the demons, cutting it through the neck with the sword he manifested. "Pitiful. Simply pathetic." The demons looked at him then one rushed him and he stabbed it. The magic users got the others. He looked at the Sorcerer Supreme, who was standing in front of a few witches. "Would they be the reason a Key of Life was drained? It worries many and they sent me to ask," he sneered.

Dawn got up and walked around Strange, staring up at him. "You're awfully mouthy for a supposedly dead guy." He stared at her and his eyes lit up. "You've already lost this round and you won't win the war either, Loki. You should go home before whatever vision Xander just had comes into being."

"He saw part of Ragnarok starting." Dawn winced, shaking her head. "We should *chat*." He made a grab for her arm and she stabbed him in the stomach armor. It barely scratched him. "Oh, you're that sort," he smirked.

She handed the blade off behind her. "Here, have his blood." She stared Loki in the eyes. "You have failed," she said in Norse. She had learned from Anya. "You will always fail when it comes to me, Loki. There is nothing you can do to tempt me to work for you, even if I had full access to it. You will not harness me, I am not an artifact, and I am the stronger Summers woman. So leave before I tell others why you're here. They might try to hunt me but I can create protections. You, they still want dead." She smirked a tiny little smirk. "Anything else on your agenda today?"

"Did you drain the Soul gem?"

"Yes. By accident but it helped me get off Asgard and out of that other galaxy I got sent to."

He sighed. "I could give you much." Her gun was in his face. He pushed it away. "I have protections against bullets." She shot him in the dick and he screamed, falling down.

"Really? Apparently not in the right place, mother fucker." She smiled. "You have fun with that. After all, some day you'll have to have an heir. Can you do that now?" She smirked at him. "I can help." She raised a hand and called a spell to her, throwing it at him. He shimmered form and disappeared before it stuck. "Pity the bullet only did surface damage," she complained, then huffed. She put her gun back and looked back at the staring sorcerer. "What?"

"How...." He closed his mouth.

She grinned. "Because I'm me. Xander taught me most of what he knows." She smiled. "I should go hide now." He put a hand on her arm, staring down at her. "I'm not taking up one of your special cells. It'd be boring and I'd have to do evil things to amuse myself."

"You may have my couch to rest from the battle on, Dawn."

"Thanks. Much nicer than a hotel room." She took her cleaned dagger back and winked at one of the witches. "Behave with that." She smiled and they faded into the shadows as well. She and Strange walked off. They could both hear her sister choking and gasping behind her. She looked back. "Not like I figured you could protect me forever, Sis. I knew you were mortal. I just had to figure out how to do it on my own." She skipped off to sniff at a rose bush, healing it. "I have way too much extra energy I need to bleed out."

"I have crystals you can do that with."

"That's dangerous to have around."

"True. We can figure it out. There's much that could be healed in the house as well." He sighed. His poor house was nearly done in. Thankfully Dawn fed it energy so it was self healing somehow. He watched as the front healed itself of the burns as they walked up the walkway. "We should talk of the training the coven gave you, Dawn." He steered her inside. Even the tiny kraken in there came out to come cuddle her. The sword that liked Xander settled beside her lap. The kraken crawled into her lap to hug her with all the tentacles it had left. Strange got them a drink and settled in to talk to her. She was fairly fascinating. Not his type but fascinating. Perhaps he could talk her into studying medicine instead of artifacts. He'd need someone to follow him someday.

***
Part 3 by Voracity2
Clint looked at Darcy that night. "Loki kidnaped you."

"Yeah, and I told him off for it." Thor was now choking on his water while Steve was pounding him on the back. "I think he thinks I had something to do with all the magical stuff going on earlier. I tazed him too and told him Thor didn't yelp nearly as loud even though he was drunk when I got him." Thor stood up to stare at her. "What?"

"You faced down my brother on your own?"

"No, Xander showed up during it. Apparently he's got some sort of watch spell on me so he knows if I'm in danger so he showed up with his axe." She shrugged. "We pointed him down at the battle since he kept complaining about soul gems being depleted." Thor stared at her, head tilted just to the side, mouth slightly open. She took a picture with a grin. "If your tongue was hanging out, you'd look like a big dog. A big, shaggy dog." She walked off. "I'm fine. He didn't touch me, try to mind wipe me, or anything else. We really kinda frustrated him. I'm guessing Asgard only has one strong woman and it's Sif, who's not mouthy like I am."

Thor followed her to pick her up by her arms and carry her back to the living room. "Do share with us what happened, Lady Darcy?"

"He grabbed me and brought me to the top of a building near the fighting. I slapped him. I kicked him. I tazed him and sneered at him. Then Xander showed up and reminded him that he had warned your brother not to screw with the crazy ones, the slayers, or a Harris, and said I was close enough to count. We both encouraged him to go help the battle since he was inquiring about the Key of Life and soul gems." Thor's eye had a twitch, it was cute to her. She patted his arm. "Then Xander had a vision about Ragnarok." The eye twitch was worse. "He made notes on my phone for me then I showed them to your brother to prompt him to go be less useless. He showed up down there and I got us home. I also encouraged him to take Rosenburg as a minion. Then he appeared down there to talk to you guys and Dawn."

Thor rubbed his face with both hands and sighed, looking at her. "Did he think you interesting?"

"He thought I might know why the soul gem had been drained. I referred him to people who actually used magic."

"Do you have that vision?" Steve asked. She got into her phone with a frown, finding the notes Xander had made to let him have them. He read it over. "That's going to suck. A lot." He let Thor see it.

"I should go home to see if we can avert it." He handed her phone back. "Dawn shot him. She tried to stab him as well."

"Go girl power," she quipped with a grin.

He smirked at her. "You are quite dangerous, Lady Darcy."

"Yes I fucking well am, Thor. It took you this long to realize that?" He laughed and hugged her then walked off talking to Jane. "I'm going to go check on my baby brother. Visions give him great headaches." She headed back to her apartment. She got to avoid Hill showing up to debrief everyone. Her door had a sign that said 'migraine in progress, I'll kill you if you make it worse' so that meant he had gotten up at least once since she had dragged Xander back to her place. That was sweet.

She walked in and sniffed. Flowers. She checked the two flowers she had, not them. She went to her bedroom, pausing in the doorway. She cleared her throat and the lady with Xander gasped and sat up from kissing him. "I don't care if you molest my little brother but change the sheets and if you get pregnant in here I get to name it." She gave her a pointed look. "Take care of his post vision migraine if that's what he wants. Be good to him or I'll pick up his axe and use it on you."

"Yes, dear. Who're you?"

She smiled. "Darcy Lewis. He's my little bro."

"Awww. I'll take very good care of Xander, Darcy."

"Good. I'll be on the couch." She closed the door and went to watch a movie or two. She detoured when someone knocked very quietly on the door. She stared at Stark. "Xander's headache is being babied, Stark. So what's up? Movie night to relax?"

He hugged her. "For tazing Loki." He walked off.

She grinned, closing the door again to go to her couch. Sometimes she really liked the goofball heros around the tower. Others.... She looked up since that was clearly Jane and Thor. "Damn, I need someone that makes me make those noises." She heard Xander laugh at that comment but that was all right. He needed more happies in his life.

***

Xander was making toast the next morning when Thor stomped in. "I swear I'm going to go Indiana Jones a few tombs," he muttered as he buttered the toast. "That way I don't have to worry about anything anymore."

"There's many of those on many planes," Thor told him. "Can you start coffee? I have been banned."

Xander looked up at him then nodded, starting a pot of coffee. "Plenty strong too."

"Thank you, Xander." He got his own cereal and sat down at the table to eat. "Are you well?"

"Yeah, my head's better. It wasn't the worst post vision headache. I had one that put me into a coma for a few days in Africa." He walked off nibbling his toast. "Darcy should be up soon. She's in the shower. She was just out of bread."

"That's fine." Thor watched him walk off, shaking his head. He knew many warriors who got to the point of hating battles. That one...he had many layers that others didn't see. "He would be welcome on Asgard as a warrior," Thor mumbled around his bite of food. "I should ask if one wants to take him in as a consort. It would do him good." He finished chewing and swallowed, nodding at Stark when he stomped in. "I had Xander start coffee as I'm still banned." He ate another bite of cereal. He really had to bring some home with him. The little, hard marshmallows were brilliant. Most of them would melt in the liquid but not these.

Stark sniffed the coffee then poured himself some to sip. "Strong." He added more sugar and came out to sit at the table. "Is he all right?"

"He's fine. His paramour left about daylight. I heard her repelling down the building and looked in case it was Clint falling again." He ate another bite.

Stark sighed, shaking his head. "I'll figure out what sort of bad girl she is later."

"Sir," the AI said quietly. "The security team caught her escaping and detained her to question her. She's the administrative assistant to someone she called a Lex Luthor sort. She was encouraging Xander to go into such a business for his own wealth."

"He might enjoy it but we'd hate to have another enemy," Stark said dryly. "Thanks." He went back to his coffee, shaking his head. Darcy strolled out dressed well enough and went to make more coffee. "Your brother hike off or is he hiding from his assistant sort he was being babied by?"

"I have no idea what Hillary is doing or where she went, Stark. She did say she'd sneak out so no one could think she was snooping."

"She did, down the side of the building," he said dryly.

"She said her boss was pretty hardcore and someday soon she'd have to take him out for giving her headaches." She shrugged. "She was good to Xander and didn't make hardly any noise I could hear over Jane screaming." She gave Thor a look, getting a grin back while he chewed. She went back to fussing over breakfast, handing him two plates. "Go feed Jane. She wanted to test that one theory today or it'd be at least two months."

"I was hoping to have Jane to myself today since it appears I have to run home."

"Great, then just feed her because you wore the poor woman out, Thor. I'll go baby my little brother." She skipped off.

Thor put his bowl in the sink after a few gulps of the contents. The plates got carried to their suite, and their personal coffee maker got turned on. Jane needed it to function if she wanted to do more than have sex.

Stark shook his head, sending a text to Bruce to let him know that they were without Jane today. He got more coffee and went downstairs to get to his own work. He had plenty he had to do and he was not going to go help Lewis baby her brother. He wasn't that evil. Today.

***

The various people who had just been fighting got called to a meeting. Hill looked at all the gathered people from the gathered teams, some freelancers, a sorcerer, a witch, and a few of the Council people. Xander hadn't wanted to come to avoid stress. The others were driving her nuts and had for years. "I think it's about time we work out how and when to call in certain groups," she announced. "That last battle was the first time we've actually had too many people there, though it did help that we could rotate out tired fighters."

She looked at the witch, which was being cuddled by a plant but shook her head and looked at the others. "We know some of you don't know each other so let me make some introductions. This is the senior slayer. Her name is Buffy, she's an excellent fighter. Their gifts are all extra strength, speed, stamina, and a download of fighting knowledge." Buffy looked and waved. "She's been mystically chosen to handle demon emergencies but they cannot handle human ones. I know that we met the magical contingent the other day." The plant was shifting around. "Dawn, what is that?"

"It's a tiny kraken. It's been trying to pet me since I showed up there to help but now it's just cuddly and taking good care of me. I woke up this morning with it petting my hair." She grinned at the strange looks she was getting. "Doc said that it's fine it's trying to protect me. I even apologized for stomping a few of the poor thing's tentacles. He's just a tiny baby and not trying to eat me."

Doctor Strange shook his head with a sigh. "I figured it was easier not to argue with the kraken."

"Thank you, Doctor Strange," Hill said. "As long as it's not dangerous it's just slightly more weird than the hairless demon cat someone has as a purse pet at Sarah Lawrence." She looked at the others. "I'm sure most of you are aware of the Avengers team." She pointed. "These are the Fantastic Four. No, you're not giving a speech, Richards." He rolled his eyes but turned to look at the baby kraken. "We have various mutants and some freelancers that may or may not be mutants. So can we get together to work out how to call each other when necessary?"

Dawn's phone rang and the kraken patted it until she pulled it out to look at. "Xander said, and I quote, that the next huge problem this city will have is in six hours and it'll be a traveler. He'll be coming in peace but something's going to follow him. It'll take explosives and other problems to get it." She looked up. Then another text message popped up. "The one after that is something to do with Ragnarok and it'll flow down the bridge." She answered and put her phone up. The kraken was petting her hair again.

Buffy looked at her. "That thing's freaky, Dawn. You should let it have a portal or whatever."

"It's a great pet. It doesn't really need a lot of food, just some water, and I don't have to clean up after it. So much better than the ugly dog that your girls in Cleveland adopted." She went back to patting it on the middle of the mass. It nearly purred. She could feel it vibrating. "You purr? That's cute." It snuggled in again. She grinned at the staring heros. "What did you expect from those of us who deal with demons?" A few groaned. "Also, my sister's minions could *really* use dates that can handle having a strong, powerful girlfriend. They're kinda the bitch patrol and it'd cure a lot of that."

"Dawn!"

"And my sister's bitchiness too. She's single because someone staked the last commando she dated for him being a bad influence on the mini slayers."

"Hey!"

Doctor Strange looked at Dawn then at Buffy. "Hopefully you'll find someone nice. Everyone should have someone nice." He looked at the heros. "I'm the Sorcerer Supreme of this dimension. I'm not always local, but if there's a huge magical problem it is my duty to deal with it or to find someone to deal with it. I also have ways of handling magical problematic beings.

"Especially since the coven that would normally do that is presently...clouded by someone." Buffy was glaring at him. He stared back. "I saw worse as a graduate student, Miss Summers. Don't glare at me, I'll change you into something that even your witch can't fix." She slumped down again. He looked at Dawn since she was looking up with a frown. "What?"

"Magic." She pointed. "Lots and lots of magic." She grabbed his hand and put up a shield before the magical burst hit them. "Huh. Well, the coven's mad. Again. Probably in all meanings of the word. Hey, Hill, can you have someone go beat them to death? I'm sure you know some agents who're like Storm Troopers over that way."

"Yes I do and the British government is not happy with the coven anyway, Dawn. Are they still trying?" Dawn nodded. Her little kraken buddy was getting agitated. "Is he going to attack it?"

"No, magic makes him itchy." Strange took the kraken, handing it to Buffy, who shrank away from it but plucked it into the seat next to her.

Everyone looked up at the 'I'm going to kill all your asses' yelled by some woman and then the sound of artillery.

Stark blinked. "That wasn't Lewis or Pepper so I have no idea."

"That was Jane," Dawn said dryly. "Her energy is partially tainted by Asgard's energy signature. Plus I can feel elemental magical energy up there." Stark got up to go talk to her. Dawn took her kraken back and it snuggled in to pat her to check her over then settled in her lap to just cuddle some more. "So, I'm usually at UVA. I'm a magical researcher more than anything and I'm studying various magical artifacts." A few nodded at that. "I can't do traditional magic unless something tragic's going to happen. Possibly with some harder rituals but I can set up protection areas better than most. I had to learn thanks to an Asgardian asshole who wanted to date me and didn't take me stabbing him in the dick as a clue."

Buffy glared at her. "Did I hear about him?"

"No, the last time you heard I was dating you kidnaped me to a room that nearly killed me by stripping my magic away, Buffy. But this isn't the time for family therapy sessions. So talk to the hero guys. That way they know about your girls who're up here and how to help them if they must." Buffy glared at her. Dawn stared back. Buffy growled but gave up and turned to talk to the mutant team leader next to her. She looked up then at Strange. "If I go up there, I'll start to shed magic. Whatever they're doing is leaching it."

"I'll go," he agreed, going up there to stop whatever was going on. Stark was helping Jane now against the witches. "Stop it!" he ordered.

"Shut up, you man," one of the witches sneered.

"I'm the Sorcerer Supreme, witch, I'd be careful of who you address." A few of them snorted but he had ready a capturing spell. They were all shrieking as the spell encased them in a bubble. He looked at Stark and Jane then at the two they were still fighting. "You can join your coven," he offered. One of them shrieked and pulled up an extreme amount of magic. Dawn stomped out and hauled off to hit the witch, knocking her on her butt. The witch released it at her. Dawn glowed. "Dawn?" he asked casually.

"It won't kill me. I'll shed some magic and it'll be fine. Just draw something here." She stared at the witch. "Keep it up, watch me bleed on something." The witch glared and threw more magic at her. Dawn threw a knockout bag full of sleep spell. The witch wailed as she was knocked out. The magic backlashed around Dawn and Jane. Dawn grabbed Jane, pulling her closer. "Stark, move!" she ordered. He got out of the way but was watching. Dawn and Jane got to watch a portal form. "Huh." She reached through to pet the tiara then flicked it with a finger, waking up the spirit. The portal shut and Dawn concentrated, drawing in the magical energy. She sighed. "I can't contain more without going full-on glow."

"I have a capturing crystal at home," Strange said, using the ambient radiation to call it to him. It absorbed the magic until it was nearly gone. He sighed, looking at the ladies. "Dr. Foster, what did you touch that was mystical?" he asked, staring at her.

She glared. "None of your business."

"One of the things like I had to drain partially to get home," Dawn said. "Drop it."

"Oh, damn."

"She's barely got a taint from it, Doc."

"That's good." He walked closer to lay a hand on her forehead, nodding. "We can shield that so no one can feel it and come for you to obtain what you still hold," he told her quietly. "That would make you safer until your betrothed returns."

"Please. I could like that help. Is that like meditation?"

"Yes. To put up shields." Darcy walked over through the magical field. The rest set itself on fire around her, making her swat at it. It flowed off the building and down to the street, putting itself out a few minutes later. "It's nice that you have chaos skills."

"Of course I do, I use it to keep the labs in check," she said sarcastically, staring at Jane then at him. "Still don't have magic though." She grinned. She noticed the thing crawling up there. "Oh, baby, you're going to get hurt," she cooed, picking it up to pet it. "There's gravel and it'll scrape you to hell."

Dawn took her pet. "Thanks, Darcy."

"Welcome, Dawn. It's cute!" She took a few pictures. "Very cute!" It waved a few tentacles at her so she took pictures of that. "That's a great cuddly friend to have and hey, no monster to eat you." She looked at Jane. Then at Strange. "Shielding exercises?"

"Quite," he agreed. "You should as well."

"I do at least once a week. Just in case I get snoopy people since my brother's being plagued by evil witches."

"Good. You should try more often."

"I only get to sleep four or five days a week," she admitted.

"That is bad for you. Trust the doctor," he said dryly. Darcy pointed at Jane. He looked at her. "You do need to stop doing that. It's wearing you out and affecting your health. Unless you wish your betrothed to only have to take care of you and not do anything else?"

"I'm fine!"

"Um-huh. Not exactly. Especially if you don't get that miscarriage taken care of soon. As in today." Her eyes went wide and her hands flew to her stomach. "It may still go, I cannot tell." Jane nodded. Darcy grabbed her and took her off to the nearest ER to have her checked over. Strange sighed, looking at Dawn. "At least it's much more peaceful than when I put it into the closet." He walked off. "We should return before we have to bury your sister."

"Again?" Dawn quipped. "We'd have to stop Willow."

"Don't tempt me," Stark told her with a grin. Dawn smirked at him but followed Strange back inside. Stark looked around then shuddered and went back down there. The slayers would eat Steve alive and he wasn't about to lose him to a slayer dogpile.

***

Jane was finally back in the lab working on her newest bridge attempt. Unfortunately this one wasn't going to be the winning attempt. Not by any means. Darcy started to itch as Jane put in the power supply cord. "Jane," Darcy said. "It's already leaking energy."

"It's fine. It's supposed to so it can set a coordinate." She flapped a hand back at her. "It's not a problem, Darcy, but you can go into the hallway if you want."

"Yeah, I think I do since I feel like I'm going to come out of my skin." She went out there to stare through the glass walls. "Hey, FRIDAY, is Thor here?" she asked quietly.

"No, Miss Lewis. He's at that PR event."

"Can you tell what spectrum that energy is?"

"It's not one that's noted before but I have sensed the same sort of values around your brother."

"Shit, that's magic," she said, going to open the door. "Jane, you're leaking magic. FRIDAY said so. And Thor's not here if something huge comes through."

"We're fine," she said, glaring at her. "You're being sabotaging."

"No, I'm being cautious. You haven't even activated it yet and you're leaking magical energy! Do you want to blow up the tower instead of Tony this time?"

"It's fine! Just go if you're not going to help!" She huffed and got back to it.

Darcy grabbed her phone and bag, going into the hallway to call Dawn. "It's Darcy," she said quietly. "We're about to have a huge magical spike up here." The portal opened and she winced as the energy tentacle came out. "So far we have an electric blue tentacle trying to pet Jane and she can't shut the machine down." She listened. "It was leaking magic as soon as she turned it on, Dawn. How do I stop it?" She listened. "Okay. Can you get him? The last time I heard he was out of the city or something. Thanks." She hung up and dropped her phone into her bag. She hung the bag on a doorhandle and went in there to pull Jane away from the machine.

"Let me go!" Jane shouted, struggling.

"Fuck no! Before you get more than petted!" She shoved her outside the lab and slammed the door, getting under the machine to unplug the stupid thing and pull the power source. It shut down and the tentacle and portal were still there. "Shit!" Jane was ranting at someone in the hallway. Darcy got out and carefully moved away from the energy tentacle. "Hey, monster guy. It's okay, we'll get you home soon." She ran when it reached for her. It vaporized the chair she moved around. Jane was staring in horrified awe. "We need to get it shut down, Jane. Pulling the power didn't work so how do I destabilize it?"

"I don't know! That should've worked! Stark's not here. Strange is out of town or something."

"Dawn said to pull the power supply." She stared at her. "If it leaks before you plug it in, maybe it's a bad idea, Jane." She swatted her on the arm. The tentacle was trying to get to Jane again. Each time Jane moved it switched orientation to be closer to her. "It really loves you more than Thor, Jane." Jane swatted her back, glaring at her. Darcy stared then pointed. "Walk and watch it." She did and then groaned when it followed her. "Oh, fuck me," she said, digging out her phone to take a picture to send to Dawn. Who sent back a 'we have no clue and I talked to the coven, they're not amused at your Jane'. She showed Jane, then looked at the tentacle and its new friend that was splitting off. "Look, it's reproducing itself." Jane whined, slumping down. They were both reaching for her. It was making the safety glass bubble up. "FRIDAY, do you have a protocol to shut the lab in cases like these?"

"I do," she agreed. "We have evacuated the rest of the building but this section," the AI said cheerfully. "I've notified Sir and Lord Thor, ladies. They're both on their way back."

"Maybe they'll go back if I get out of sight range," Jane muttered, walking off.

"Um, Jane, they don't have eyeballs," Darcy said, wincing as the main tentacle ripped through a wall. "It's still following you!" Jane stomped back and the tentacles were back to warping the glass. Darcy sighed. The little tentacle was trying to entice her. "I'm sorry, I only like guys, not tentacles. I don't think I could handle a tentacle lover." It shifted colors and slumped down, hanging limply in the hole. She looked at Jane. "Great. My first intergalactic turndown of touching my boobs, Jane. Are your notes in there?"

"Yes. Of course they are! They're on the board and the table in the file you set up for them." She ran her hands over hair, staring at the tentacles that were eating through the safety glass. Stark came jogging up the hallway. "I don't know what's going on, Tony."

"It was leaking energy as soon as she plugged it in," Darcy told him. "It was making me itch so I came out here and asked FRIDAY if she had felt anything like it before. She identified something like it around my brother. I've pulled the power core." She held it up. "And it's still open. The big tentacle follows Jane and the little one slumped when I told him I couldn't handle a tentacle as a lover." She handed over the power supply module to Stark. "I tried to warn her something was wrong."

"I'm sure you did," Stark agreed. "How do you know it's magic?"

"The only energy sources around my brother would be hellmouth or magical energy."

"Point." He looked at the lab. "Why is there a hole?"

"Jane walked off thinking it'd ignore her if she got out of sight. I pointed out hey, no eyeballs, just about as it went through the wall to follow her. When she was still in there it was petting her hair."

Stark winced. "Sure," he said with a nod, looking at Jane. "The notes?"

"In there," she said with a hand wave. The bigger tentacle's tip made it through the glass wall and wiggled toward her so it could pet her again. She huffed. Tony was looking horrified. Darcy was moaning. "I don't know what's going on."

"The Aether," Thor said as he walked toward them in full armor. "It could be sensing that you had it in you at one time." He poked the tentacle. "Mine!" It curled around Jane's hair to pet her some more. "Get off my woman, tentacle!"

"Hey, monster guy, get off Jane for now. Otherwise it's going to get really nasty and Thor's going to have to use Mew-Mew on you. Got it?" Darcy ordered. It backed off some, just rubbing Jane's back now. She looked at Thor. "They're at least slightly sentient because the little one that split off that one got all dejected when I told it no because it was trying to entice me to be petted."

Thor looked at the tiny one then at her. He sighed, shaking his head. "Charming," he said in another language. He moved Jane. The tentacle tried to follow. He blocked it with his hammer, which made the tentacle squeal and back off a few feet. "Can we cut power to it?" Tony held up the power supply. "Oh, dear."

Dawn appeared with her baby kraken cuddling around her neck and shoulder. It got all wavy tentacled at the bigger ones, reaching over to pat it. It singed a few of the suckers but it was happy to meet the big tentacle. That one wasn't interested in Dawn but the baby energy tentacle came over to entice Dawn to be petted. She looked at Stark. "If you throw energy into a portal, you create a black hole. We learned that lesson the hard way many years ago." She shrugged. "It's definitely chaos magic and it's definitely out of whack because it's going to a null space area." Thor stared at her. "Normal space feels different from this stuff." She petted her baby kraken. "It is drawn to energy and magical resonance."

"Which is why one tried to pet me?" Darcy guessed.

"Yup. You carry just enough to register as having it. Jane has a lot more so they like her more." She looked at Jane. "What were you setting the machine to do?"

"To open a small portal onto the Bifrost. I've been working to completely repair the Bifrost."

"Okay," Dawn agreed with a nod. "That's not the Einstein-Rosen bridge though." Jane glared. "Seriously. The Bifrost is a hugely different construction. Yeah, your bridge theory might merge with it but it'd lay on top of it and possibly divert again to go somewhere else. Going to Asgard would take a keyed bridge, with anchors at both ends. It's got a keystone. It's bendable like a rainbow, hence the name, and it's got a serious energy drain into it through the keystone. There's actually three really good magical dissertations written on it, all from off world sources. The coven has a copy of one in Latin. The other two I've seen under glass but not near here." Jane slumped, staring at her. The tentacle was petting her again. "From what I can tell, your portal opened into a null space area. It's like the portion between atoms and these are generally tiny energy suckers. I've seen something like them on the astral plane."

Jane considered it. "That's going to suck. How do we stop it?"

"If pulling the power didn't, I don't know how you opened up a space between atoms and then enlarged it, Jane. I can tell what it is, not how you did it. I'm still in my undergrad of studying artifacts. This is doctoral work."

"Oh, crap." She looked at her tentacle friend then at her ugly little machine, cobbled together so it wasn't pretty but it was effective.

"Is this like the Pym particles?" Darcy asked.

"Sorta but they do it differently from what I understand," Dawn told her. "You'd have to ask Pym that. I've barely read a paper of his to see if it'd help with an energy cube I got handed by a professor who swore up and down it was trying to take her over."

"I can call him," Stark said. "Is there a magical way to close it?"

"Yes, probably. Not sure how. I'm not strong in that gift, Mr. Stark. That's going to require Stephen or one of his people. And the last I heard he was off plane."

"Shit," Stark muttered. "So what do we do?"

"We can hope it's not a truly self sustaining portal, which means it'll run out of energy and cut itself off somehow. Which could yield a small explosion when the molecules collapse. That happens a lot with portals. If it's generating their own energy.... You'll need higher help. Maybe Thor knows a mage who might know?" She looked at him. So did the others.

"I know of no one who deals with portals beyond Heimdall and I doubt he would realize how to close it as he guards the bridge," Thor admitted. "I can call upon him to ask." He walked off, going to the roof to call out for him. His answer was Heimdall laughing as he appeared but shaking his head. "Do we have anyone who could assist her with that?"

"No. I have already asked, Thor. They all find it amusing she opened a portal to the astral plane instead. It shows promise but chaotic intent. A few now question her sanity. Loki may be able to degrade the power faster by sucking it off but we have no idea."

"Thank thee. Is he around?"

"Tied up," Heimdall admitted. "I'll see if I can get him down here." He walked back up the bridge and came back a bit later with Loki. "Part of his sentence is to help you with this problem before your betrothed is thoroughly corrupted by the energies of her tentacle friend." He smirked a tiny bit then went back up the bridge.

Thor looked at Loki. "Jane had an accident while trying to make a portal to connect to the bridge." He walked him off, taking off his cuffs on the way.

Loki walked up the hall grimacing. "Begone!" he bellowed, sending magic at the tentacles he could see. They fled. He looked at the portal then at Jane. "Was that your intent?"

"NO!"

"Then what were you trying to do?"

"I was trying to create a way onto the bridge. Or to create a new bridge."

Loki felt like ramming his head into a wall. "You cannot safely build one structure on top of another one, Doctor Foster," he said bluntly, glaring at her. "It is not sound building." She groaned. "As the bridge was broken but not destroyed, you cannot lay one on top of the other and expect it to be safe to use. It might send you past Asgard and into space itself." He walked into the lab and sucked energy out of the portal, shrinking it at least. "Girl!" he called.

"There's three of us out here," Darcy complained. "And we all have names." Loki glared at her. "Me, Dawn, or Jane?"

"Not you. The other one, the shiny one." Dawn strolled in, letting Darcy have her pet. He looked at it then at her. "Why?" he asked her, looking confused.

"It's very loving and it's a great friend to have. It's been my shoulder companion since the battle." She lifted a hand. "I don't do traditional magic."

"I can tell why," he said dryly. "You're going to be recharged."

"Use it to recharge your soul gem."

"Point, but we'd still need a funnel for it." Dawn waved and the gem appeared in her hand. "Good." He took that hand to hold around the gem and pulled the magic from the portal. It was tiring but had to be done. Dawn naturally channeled it into the stone. Finally the portal was barely open and he backed up, looking shaky and sweaty. "I cannot pull more," he said quietly.

She nodded. "We might be able to pop it but it'll create a small explosion." She looked back. "Darcy, I need Xander's blessed dagger." She texted Xander and he appeared thanks to a coven member. "Someone opened it by accident trying to build an energy bridge." The witch moaned but Dawn took the dagger to pop the portal carefully. It did explode but they had used the energy to shield around themselves. The lab was a mess though.

She sighed, walking off. Loki made a grab for the gem. She just stared at him. "No. Bad mage, sit in the corner." She went to hand it to Xander, who held it up to look at then nodded so he and the witch could leave. "He'll make sure it's safely hidden." She took her tentacle friend back, petting it. "See, I'm okay." It petted her hair down, slithering up to sit on her head and pet her all over.

Loki walked out shaking his head. "What interesting pets you keep, chit."

She grinned. "Doctor Strange had it in a closet. It was lonely. Plus it may help later so no one comes after my bones in a millennium." She grinned. Darcy shuddered. "He told you?"

"No, saw it in a dream."

"Oh. Well....that's weird," Dawn said, looking at her. Darcy shrugged. "That's fine though. Just don't tell." They hugged. "Hey, Stark, can I get an excused absence for history class?"

"Yeah, sure, Dawn." He had his AI type one up and signed it, handing it to her. The coven member got her back to her dorm room, staying far away from the tiny kraken. He looked at Darcy. "Why?"

"Long story, Stark." She looked at Loki. "Thank you for the help."

"Thank you," Jane agreed, looking at the mess. "I'll have to figure out why it did that and correct it."

Loki looked at Thor. "Perhaps you should wear her mind out in better ways, Thor. It might save humanity." Jane glared at him. He stared at her. "It was growing." He walked off shaking his head and found himself suspended from the ceiling in chains while hanging upside down. "I was going to refresh myself," he called, looking amused. "May I not do that? Me having to be beside Thor all the time means that I would have to intrude on his life with his betrothed. I know many would like that but you're the same ones that thought Thor would take me in hand and many other ways." They let him go. He huffed as he straightened himself out, staring at Thor. "By the way, the Senior Council believes humans are beneath us and you were meant to be my betrothed. I've cursed the whole group of them for you."

Thor patted him on the arm. "Thank you for that service, Loki. It means I do not have to smite them." Tony was moaning and shaking his head.

"They'd seriously rather you have incest than date me?" Jane demanded, looking at Loki, who smirked and nodded. "Why?"

"You humans have short life spans," he said bluntly. "And trouble bearing young. Which he'll need before you die of old age."

"Is that why she miscarried?" Darcy asked.

Loki blinked then stared at her then at Jane's stomach. "I can sense a spell on her, yes. Good thinking, chit."

"My name is Darcy, use it," she said firmly. "Not chit or any other pet name, oh great greasy one." She looked at Jane. "Maybe we can get the magic removed?" she asked Thor and Jane.

"Aye, there's many ways," Thor agreed, looking at her, getting a nod back. "Though I have not suggested a child as of yet."

Jane patted him on the arm. "I'm not sure what to do about that yet, Thor." He hugged her, walking her off. She sighed. "I'll...clean up the mess tomorrow, once we make sure it's fully closed," she called back.

"That's fine," Darcy called with a wave and a grin. She stared at Loki once they were gone. "Nice job of diverting him so he's super protective of her," she said quietly, smirking at him. "I'm pretty damn sure she'll get pregnant very soon." Loki smirked back and disappeared but got forced back in chains again. "I guess you can sit in the bathroom for now. At least it's humane and you'll have water. We can leave you food." She pushed the floating ball of person off to a bathroom and left him in there with a glass for water from the sink and handing him a few boxes of food he could eat. Then she closed the door and put a note on it that Loki was in there. She went back to start the lab clean up process. Tony was still thumping his head into a wall. She patted him on the shoulder. "At least you and Bruce didn't have any tentacle friends, Stark. Can't you just see Hulk playing with a tentacle friend?"

He glared at her. "You're going evil."

She grinned. "It's lack of free time." She went in to start the clean up but he hauled her out of the lab. "I need to start that."

"We need to scan it to make sure it's safe, Lewis. Go have free time. Get less evil." She skipped off looking happier. Stark sighed and called Bruce to come help. On the way back, Bruce got to watch the film of what happened. He was already creeped out when he showed up and made sure there were no more tentacles. "Thor's taking the magic off Jane so she can get pregnant again soon. Loki's trapped in a bathroom. Lewis got sent to her apartment since she was going to start the clean up before we scanned it. And the tentacles are finally gone."

Bruce Banner looked in there then at him. "I'm glad I didn't see the tentacles. They might've liked me."

"I'm pretty sure they would've loved both of you, Bruce. Get the energy sensors?" He nodded, going to do that while Tony had a mini fit before they got to work. That way he was in private. No one had to know he was having a psychotic breakdown over tentacles.

***

When Dr. Strange got out of his trance state and woke back up to that world, he found a folded report waiting on his lap. He opened it, staring at the note about what had happened and how they had solved it, then the quip at the bottom of 'don't ask what the stone can do for you, ask what you can do for the stone' after Dawn's name. He reread it then sighed. "I'll talk with her in the morning," he decided. He got up and went to get dinner and a drink. A large drink.

He had seen those tentacles before. They hadn't been that friendly to him but he wasn't a female and hadn't freed them from their imprisonment. He would not even wonder what had happened to the stone they had used. Wondering about them brought their attention and higher beings paid attention to what the stones were paying attention to. He didn't need another attack tonight.

***

Darcy looked around the corner of the sheet hanging over the door of Jane's lab, staring at the men in suits in there. "Who in the hell are you?" she asked impolitely.

"Ma'am, you can't be here."

"I work in this lab." She walked into view. "I suggest you get out of Jane's work. Now. Before I call Stark Security."

The agent smirking at her shook his head. "They have to let us." He held up a paper. "We have a warrant."

"FRIDAY, is Hill coming?" Darcy asked.

"Yes, Miss Lewis. She is coming and she's not pleased."

"I hope at them." She looked up the hall at the sound of boots, nodding at the security team around Hill. "Thugs in suits going through Jane's work?"

"Thugs in suits without a valid warrant. I talked to their higher ups and confiscated the things they tried to take out of the building," Hill said, stepping into view behind Darcy. "You're well out of lines."

"Agent Hill," the lead agent sneered. "Nice to see how far the great and mighty have fallen."

Darcy looked at Hill. "I'm going to turn into a Harris in a moment. Would you like him first?"

"He's not worth the sweat or the cost of the bullet," Maria Hill said with a slight shrug.

"Good." The agents were still sneering. Darcy reached in and hit something on the wall. The machine from last night was still together and she had noticed it was back together because it was partially on. The machine powered up and the tentacle buddies came out to test these new friends. "Tentacle guys, they're evil. They're trying to hurt Jane and her work. She's the one that made the portal." The tentacles dragged their new helpers with them. "Bye, dickweeds," she said with a smile and a wave. "Have fun."

Hill waited until it the portal closed to shudder. "That's evil, Darcy."

She grinned. "I told you I was going to be a Harris for a few minutes." She looked at the man walking up the hallway. "Hey." She smiled and waved.

"Did you reactivate the portal?" Banner demanded.

"Yeah, there were people in here pawing and trying to confiscate Jane's work. I totally turned into my big brother. He'd be so proud of me." She walked off. "I'm going to start coffee in the break room," she called. A few other science team members followed her to get some. Jane wandered in looking exhausted. "Jane, coffee?"

"Please," she begged. She got a cup and held it up with a grin. Darcy poured her some then the others, starting a second then a third pot. They all liked her coffee. Jane hummed as she walked off. She came back. "What's with the sheets in my lab?"

"There were agents. The tentacle friends really liked them, Jane." She grinned. "They were trying to confiscate your work."

Jane stared at her then got more coffee and walked off to find Tony or Bruce. They were in charge in the science department. She ran into Bruce. "Who was in my lab?" she demanded, sipping her coffee.

"Hill knew them. She sneered about them being pathetic. If they come back out of the portal we'd all be shocked and horrified." He stared at her. "They were trying to confiscate your work."

"I doubt they can get it to work," she said dryly. "I'm the one who's making it up as I go along and even I can't get it to always work." She went back to check on her things. The lab was a wreck but the robots had at least scrubbed off any slime. They had pushed all the papers into a pile on the floor. Someone had tried to erase her white board too. She found a camera on the floor and looked at the pictures, putting back up her math and getting things set back up. Darcy came in to re-sort things and make it all nicer again. The sheets got taken down and thrown into the hallway for now. Jane turned and found a man wearing a really weird outfit and a cape. "You're obviously not an agent."

"I'm the Sorcerer Supreme, Dr. Foster. We met the other day. I was drawn here due to a surge in mystical energy." Darcy pointed at the machine. He stared at it. "Is that what Dawn left me a note about solving?"

"Probably," Darcy agreed, smiling at him. "I turned it back on due to the agents in here trying to grab Jane's research. The tentacles were happy to make new friends."

"That's bordering on evil, Miss Lewis," the sorcerer said patiently.

"It's that or they could've tried to open their own bridge," Darcy quipped. "Going to who knows where and only the Goddess might know what might come through."

He tipped his head. "Good point, still borderline unethical." He gave her a pointed look. "I don't need more work to retrieve them."

"I can restart it so they can spit them back out," Jane said. "Though Loki got the original portal stopped. I'm guessing he's probably still locked in a bathroom."

"I gave him a cup for water and food," Darcy said. "It's a bathroom so he's got water and facilities." She looked at the sorcerer again. "If you want, we can get stuff out of the way so they can come back if they want to."

"While I'd like to examine the portal itself, I do believe it should be done somewhere safer than downtown Manhattan," he complained.

"We've had the Bifrost land on top of the tower a few times," Jane said.

"That's not in here. Which has walls and windows, Dr. Foster. Wouldn't it be better to place the experiments in a more open environment? I'm sure Stark has a spare garage somewhere."

"All my notes are here and all the tools," Jane said.

"And the duct tape," Darcy quipped. "It's surprisingly handy around the labs."

Doctor Strange looked at her. "We had medical glue at times. It's very handy as well." He looked at Jane. "Please do not use the portal for a bit and do so in a more open area for your own safety? Retrieving either of you would probably take a great deal of time and energy. And would annoy your betrothed, Dr. Foster. We don't need to start a war with Asgard."

"I guess I can move it to a more open area," she said. "But that would put it closer to under the building and it might collapse the tower on top of us."

"You could use the roof," he offered. "Like the other bridge."

"True, but the weather's been too nasty. I was originally going to." He nodded. "You're a scientist?"

He smiled. "I used to be a surgeon, Dr. Foster. I know many like Stark. I used to be one of them actually."

"I'm sorry. I heard about your hands," Jane said, patting him on the arm. "I can move it and try to make it safer so you don't have to get called to save us. Or we don't have to get Loki from the bathroom."

"He's in the bathroom?"

"It was the most humane place we could put him last night since he ended up mystically tied up and hanging from the ceiling," Darcy said. "I gave him some food and a glass for water. It's humane."

"It is, but probably not amusing him. It does give him time to think up evil plans for it."

She grinned. "Thor will go talk to him later probably."

"Probably," Dr. Strange agreed, looking back as Stark stomped in. "Stark."

"Strange." He looked at Darcy. "You turned it back on?" he demanded.

"Yeah. Because there were people in here who were trying to take Jane's work to open their own. Did you want to fight whatever came through this time?"

"No," he said. "That's evil, Lewis."

She blew a kiss. "I warned Hill I was going to turn into my brother." Jane snorted her coffee, shaking her head. "It didn't hurt anyone else. One of them sneered at Hill anyway." She grinned. "Fuck them because I don't want to have to sneak in to break their machines when they do something like open that portal."

"They'd send the spysassins," Stark said.

"At least one of them used to be SHIELD, both of the spies are too well known, and it'd take weeks to teach them how to break the machines the right way," Darcy said. "Because if you blow them up and they've brought something here, it's stuck. Would you want that if you got pulled to another realm or planet?"

"No," he admitted, shaking his head. "I wouldn't. Don't do it again. It was dangerous."

"Yup, I realized that yesterday," she said dryly. She sipped her coffee, smiling at the geek in the doorway. "What's up, Abrahims?"

"Darcy, the machine's stuck again. Can you go kick it?"

"Sure." She got up, going to fix the snack machine again. That pre-doc intern got her snack and went back to her lab. "Eat lunch," she called after her. "If you pass out I'm going to have to stalk you to do finger sticks again."

"I'm trying, Darcy."

"Good." She went back to her office, smiling at Stark, who was giving her an odd look. "She's diabetic, Stark."

"Oh! Okay. I didn't know that."

"I found her passed out because she pulled a Jane. We had a long talk about how to help her." She sat down and put her ankles up. "Sorry, swelling this morning for some reason."

Dr. Strange looked at Stark. "Is there somewhere safer she can experiment with portals and her bridge?"

"I'd like to move it to the roof but it's really nasty out for the last week," Jane said.

"And pigeon poop would totally ruin some things," Darcy agreed. "Probably at the wrong moment."

Stark looked at her then at Jane. "We can figure that out, Jane." Jane grinned. He looked at Strange. "Can you get those idiots out of there?"

"If she wants to reopen the portal we can see if they want to crawl out," Strange admitted. "Unless they're gifted somehow, calling psychically would probably only draw more tentacles."

"Do you know anything about them?" He pointed at the hole in the window. "One of them did that. They seemed at least a bit sentient."

"One pouted when I turned him down," Darcy said. "Slumped, changed color a bit."

Strange looked at her then at Jane. "One of them was petting me until Thor made it stop," Jane said. "It followed me by going through the wall and the window," she said with a point at them.

Strange sighed, shaking his head. "I have seen them on the astral plane but they never approached me for more than trying to annoy me. I can meditate to reach them if possible to see if they want to come home. They may be satisfied there. The astral plane is calming and pretty." He settled on a chair and concentrated, sending himself out of his body. He noticed the shadow of energy and groaned. He'd talk to Dawn later. He went onto the astral plane, going through the remnants of the portal.

What he saw was not amusing, or pleasing, or happy making for those agents, but the tentacles were definitely enjoying their new friends. He came back, looking at the ladies. "They're not happy with their new tentacle duties. The portal left remnants of itself. There's all sorts of shadows of energy we should have cleaned out before someone draws that to them to use for the wrong things. Or somehow it gets sucked into Darcy or her brother by accident and turns on their magical gifts."

"Like smudging?" Darcy asked. "I know theoretically how to do that."

"That may help," he agreed, looking at Jane. "I'll have a contact get in touch with your friend." He looked at Darcy then at Jane. "The stone they used?"

"Went with Xander," Darcy quipped with a grin.

He nodded. "He probably knows how to hide them."

"And has hidden at least one other one," Darcy agreed.

"Excellent. Then hopefully we'll be able to protect them." Darcy handed him her phone with that vision pulled up. He read it, grimacing. "I hope we can protect them all then." He handed back the phone. "Let me know if anything more develops on that front." He stood up. "I'll be around for a few more weeks cleaning up the mess those aliens created. Call upon me if you need my services." He left, going home to call on Dawn. Clearly he needed a better report from her. He did a summoning of her, making her call him. It was charming how that worked around her.

"Dawn, what happened when you closed that portal most of the way?" he asked politely. She told him. "You left an energy resonance. I'll have it cleaned," he assured her when she complained about that problem. "We can teach you how to not leave one." He listened to her chat about the artifact that had just literally appeared in front of her. "Why?" he asked. He groaned. "Will it open? Yes, you can bring it up here." He hung up when she did and she appeared a few minutes later. She put the artifact down and almost immediately the portal opened. A large talking tree fell out.

Dawn helped him up, smiling at him. "Welcome to earth. Where are you supposed to be so we can get you back there?"

"I am Groot," he said. He looked around. "Groot."

"Hi, Groot." She smiled at him. "I'm going to test the energy around you. It won't hurt." She did that and sighed. "I know where you should be. Damn those idiots." Strange was staring at her until she looked at him. "It's where I had to get back from the last time so ended up on Asgard." She patted Groot on the arm then got him some water to soak up somehow. He smiled and sipped, sitting on the floor. "I can see if I can scry or something."

"Please. Then come tell me about that trip?"

She grinned. "It's not like it was fascinating. The coven decided I needed protecting so sent me somewhere supposedly safe, right into the middle of a battlefield with blue people." She walked off. "Got that silver bowl still?"

"It's probably in the kitchen, where it usually is. I have a marble pool."

"I get funny images from marble and usually pick up raunchy cable channels instead."

"Why?" he asked. She confused him greatly.

She came back with the silver bowl and his helper. "Who knows. Probably where they partially made me of Buffy." She poured water into the bowl and concentrated, breathing through her nose while she thought, her face scrunching up. "There you are," she said, making someone jump. That woman stared at her oddly. "Hi again. Do you know a big guy named Groot?" She nodded slowly. "He's here on earth. A portal pulled him. I'll try to get him back there but it might be days. Does he have any special needs we need to know about?"

She shook her head, looking at the others. The talking racoon walked into view. "How did he get there?" Dawn got handed the artifact to hold into view. "Oh, that thing. Yeah, we were rescuing it. We thought there was a stone."

"No, it holds a portal. It yanked him down here. The stupid thing landed in front of me. Does he need special food, fertilizer, water filtering or chemicals? It'll probably take me at least a few days to gather energy."

"No, he just needs some sunlight and water usually," another male voice said. He leaned into view. "How are you doing that?"

She grinned. "Magic. It's like the Force but I'm better than any jedi because I don't wear robes."

"That's cute," he said dryly. "How long?"

"Days probably."

"Okay. Give us a warning?"

"If I can."

"Cool. Thanks." He waved and walked off groaning and muttering.

Dawn looked at the racoon. "Some day I'm going to introduce him to those unicorn warriors I met on another trip." The fuzzy one walked off groaning as well. "I'll take good care of Groot for you." She let the magic go and sighed, looking at Strange, who was shaking his head. "Easy undo command?"

"Not that I can tell. There's some ancient style writing on an edge."

Dawn took it to squint at in the light. "Open other end, this end kills you." She flipped it over to look inside the box. "Good to know. Doesn't look like a puzzle box that'll give out Pinhead." She put it onto the desk. Groot took it to play with. "Just don't set it off again, big guy." She let him have the bowl of water. He drank it all down and burped.

"Unicorn warriors?" he asked impatiently.

"Yeah, and they were snotty like debutante cheerleaders. Since I wasn't horned, hooved, or furry I was beneath all them. And then I changed their coats to sheep fur." She grinned. "The jackasses pulled me, I didn't volunteer to go. Not like I wanted to end up in a shallow end of their gene pool."

"How far away are they?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

She shrugged. "Long trip, I ended up knocked out. They got together to summon a mystical warrior who could defeat their enemy for good. I nearly let her win but she was too evil and a really horrible dresser. I made her give up and go find religion and the warriors were happy but pissy about having summoned a human. It really did come down to me looking at them and telling them that if they couldn't beat that one enemy they certainly weren't warriors and were really fucking pathetic overall. They needed to spend more time working out as warriors and less time being snotty, catty, and fashionable." She waved a hand, making him shake his head and sigh. She grinned. "If one shows up here, I'm putting her and my sister in a room together."

"I know some who would enjoy seeing such," he admitted, sighing at the end again.

She grinned. "Are you deflating?"

"Quite." She grinned, taking Groot with her back to the apartment she had off campus. Thankfully she wasn't in a dorm this semester. They might freak out at a giant talking tree.

Strange went to have dinner and meditate to ease his headache. Dawn did give him such headaches at times. It was how perky she was about weird things.

***

Buffy showed up at Dawn's apartment a few days later and stared at the being in her kitchen with one paw in the dish sink. She looked at her sister. "What is that?"

"He's Groot. He got pulled here thanks to a mystical artifact. It'll take me a few more days to reverse it so he can get home. He's from where the coven sent me to supposedly make me safer by sending me to the middle of a huge battle."

Buffy grimaced. "They have problems."

"They need to solve their own problems and not make them mine," Dawn shot back. "Because I'm really tired of it."

"No little demonic plant?" She pointed. Her baby kraken was petting Groot's branches. "Still weird, Dawn." She sighed, looking at her. "When are you coming home?"

"That's not home so never since home is in the middle of the hellmouth's seal." She stared at her. "Some day I'll make my own home but until then I'm willing to suffice by living while studying."

Buffy glared at her. "It is home, Dawn. We live in Cleveland."

"You live in Cleveland. I live in Virginia for another semester and then I'm going to Spain to do my masters." She grinned. "I got accepted into an excellent artifact program. One of the top three in the world."

"Spain?" she demanded. "You're going to Spain!"

"It was there or Egypt," she shot back with a grin. "I'd hate living in the desert. Way too hot and not on a beach."

"There's not one in the US?" she demanded.

"China. They hate magic though so it wasn't on my list. The other one is in Russia." Buffy glared. She shrugged. "It's not my fault that's where the programs are."

"You can't leave the country."

"I'm a grown woman, Buffy. If I want to leave the country I'll damn well make flight reservations and ship stuff ahead." She stared at her. "Sorry but I'm not a child and I can do what I want with my life. That's called being an adult."

"You are not! You're nineteen!"

"Well, duh, that does mean I'm an adult," she shot back. "An adult is eighteen, Buffy." Buffy glared. She shrugged. "That's the law."

"You are not allowed to leave the country."

Dawn snorted. "Keep it up, watch me do my last semester over there too." Buffy glared harder. Dawn got some tea bags down and made some tea. "Groot, need anything?"

"I am Groot," he said, staring down at her.

She did a telling spell on him and frowned. "You need more sunlight. We'll deal with that later." He patted her. "Just rest for now, Groot." She patted him then fixed her tea. She looked at her sister. "Anything else you want to talk about?" She took a sip. One of the branches tasted the tea and made Groot smile. She made him the rest of the pot of water into tea for him and he grinned, sucking that up.

Buffy glared at her then at Groot. "Why are you hanging out with demons?"

"He's an alien, not a demon. And he's the hero of an intergalactic war." She sipped her cup of tea, staring at her sister. "I was there and helped too. He was really impressive."

Buffy gaped then huffed. "Whatever. You still can't go to Spain."

"Not your choice."

"Mom would be mad."

"Mom would be tickled pink I'm going to a place that has tons of smart people and beaches that they hang out on." She smirked a tiny bit. "That's where she picked up your father after all." Buffy spluttered. "Mom told me she met him in Seville and they ended up on the beach that night getting jiggy and funky." She took another sip while Buffy choked. "She didn't tell you that?"

"No!" She stared at her. "Eww!"

"Not my fault." She shrugged, walking around her sister to go sit down with her textbooks. "I've got class in an hour. Did you want to have lunch after I have senior english lit?"

"Blow it off."

"Can't. He's the sort of teacher who bases your grades on being there. You can ace everything but if you miss twice you flunk anyway."

"So?"

"I have to keep my grades up or I'll have to retake the class. Probably in Spain." She smiled. "Anything else you wanted to talk about?"

"You are coming home right now, Dawn Summers. Or else I'll make you!"

"Yeah, not." Dawn looked up at her. "Don't delude yourself, Buffy. You can't do a damn thing to me that I can't stop you from doing."

"I can have you put into a mental hole," she said smugly. "You're shacking up with a demon."

"He's an alien. Not a demon."

"Your plant," she said smugly.

"It's highly protective. And the local PD thinks it's great since it stopped some other girl's date from hurting her by pouncing them." She stared at her sister. "There's nothing you can do to prove that I'm unfit, even if a quiet weekend might be nice now and then."

"This state says knowing about magic is enough," Buffy said smugly, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Yeah but with you as my sister, I get past that."

"I can disavow you."

"Then you'd have no right to try to put me away," she shot back smugly. "Anything else, Buffy? Before I banish you to Groot's former spot?" Buffy glared and tried to grab Dawn's hair but Groot stopped her and pushed her against a wall, staring at her. "Thanks, Groot, babe." She stood up, walking over and picking up her sister's wrist to hit the button on her bracelet that was her emergency send-home button. Buffy left.

Dawn looked up at Groot. "She seriously needs help but sending her to the afterlife to have our mother kick her ass isn't really ethical of me." She went back to her studying but put the books into her bag. "C'mon, we're going to the park." Her little kraken went to hide under the couch. He didn't like sunlight. Groot followed her out, nearly skipping on the way. Her neighbors just waved at them. They were used to weird things. "My sister has been banished again," she called as she walked past the manager's doorway.

"You two have fun," the manager called. "If she breaks in again I'll have her arrested."

"Thanks." She got Groot and her to the nearby dog park to sit and watch the dogs play. Groot went to play with a few of them, making Dawn smile. He was so innocent sometimes.

***

Darcy looked up as Dawn appeared with her buddy. "Hey, you must be Groot."

"I am Groot," he said, staring at her. He touched her hair, making her smile.

"I need someone to guard me while I send him home. Everyone else is busy or evil."

"Sure, I can do that. What if Xander shows up?"

"He might but it'd throw the spell off so I warned him not to show up for a few hours." She shrugged. "Are you sure, Darcy?"

"Yeah. Jane's..." She looked at the feet sticking out from under a machine. "Hey, Jane, want to talk to our new alien friend before Dawn sends him back?" Jane wiggled out and came to come talk to Groot, who wasn't very talkative but he seemed very nice and interesting. Thor came in to greet the alien.

"I'm working on sending him home tonight without having to use the artifact," Dawn told Thor, who nodded. "I'm borrowing Darcy as a guardian."

"That's fine," Thor agreed. "I'm sure you have experience with that."

"Mostly with getting home," Dawn admitted but grinned. "My sister's a bitch." She took Darcy and Groot up to her apartment to set it up. Darcy's apartment wasn't filled with things so she had a good working area to lay down the tape to form the figures she'd need. She settled Groot with her in the circle and finished it off then started the moving spell. Nothing. Absolutely no magic. "Okay, we'll do this the easy way."

She sighed, looking at him. "I have to use the artifact but I'll hand you over personally, big guy." She hugged him and used the artifact to suck him into then used the spell to open a portal. She walked over and sneered at someone. "Shut up." She handed over the cube, putting the head guy's hands around it.

"Hold onto that." She opened it and Groot came out, hugging her. She hugged back. "There you go, big guy. Me and the baby kraken will miss you. Have fun with the bad guy." She kissed him on the cheek. "Peter, please lock that stupid cube up." She walked off. One of the bad guys tried to pounce her so she summoned the warrior princesses of unicorndom. "Here, pay me back for saving your horns." She went back to her portal and headed home. "There, he's home." She picked up her baby kraken to cuddle. "I know you'll miss him but maybe we'll find another plant demon soon, baby." She settled in to talk with Darcy, and Xander when he showed up. "I'm sure Peter would say hi if he wasn't complaining about the unicorn warrior princesses."

Xander shook his head quickly. "No. I don't want to know. Otherwise I might send some of the slayers there. They love ponies. Warrior unicorns? They'd *adore* that. Unfortunately we'd probably get attacked while they were gone."

"Probably," Dawn agreed. "Pity." They shared a look. "It's a mean idea."

"I'll make the list of those who could go," Xander quipped, settling in to do that. The baby kraken shifted over to pet him too. He looked at it. "I've seen bigger versions of you but they were mean. It's good that you're so protective of Dawn, little one." He petted the top of it. "Go back to petting your mistress." It flowed back to tease Dawn's hair. Dawn grinned at him. "I'm so sending him with you to the afterlife. He can guard you."

"I figured he could." She got comfortable, petting her little kraken while they talked.

Darcy looked at her. "Your sister show up?"

"Yeah. And threw a hissy that I'm going to Spain for my masters." She grinned. "She threatened to have me put in psych. I could use the vacation but not that much."

Xander shook his head with a sigh, putting Buffy's name at the top of the list. She could really use the petting vacation. Maybe some other warriors would help her see sense and reality. Darcy got up to get them drinks and brought them back. Including a tiny bowl of water for the kraken. He enjoyed that, flowing down to cover it and slurp it up. Dawn added some of her tea and it liked that too.

Thor and Jane walked in. Jane stared at the baby kraken but it ended up climbing up her to cuddle so she settled in to pet it while Thor hovered protectively next to her. A few of the tentacles reached over to play with Thor's longer hair but he put up with it. It was a mostly harmless little plant.

***

Dawn looked up from her studying in the student center, nodding at a security guard stomping her way. "What?"

"Is that a demon?" he demanded, pointing at the kraken that had snuck into her backpack.

"No, it's a kraken, which means it's a plant. A sentient plant but a very protective one." She smiled a tiny bit to look less mean. "It protects me from idiots who my sister sends to try to kill me or kidnap me. Which are usually demons." She pointed at one that was whimpering in the corner. "My sister's a crackhead idea away from me having her banished to another planet."

"Who the fuck are you?" he demanded.

She smiled. "Dawn Summers." He looked her up in his handheld unit, then grimaced. "Yeah, so she's being a dumb bitch again. The hairdye has clearly won that battle." She packed up things. "Beyond that, he's weird but nice and protective. I only have one teacher that hates him and he snuck into my backpack today because he didn't want to sit at home for a few hours. It's my long day." She let her little buddy sit on her shoulder after she put on her backpack. He held it nicely in place as well as petted over her hair. "You have a great day and that demon really needs to go home before I come over there," she said, glaring at it. It shrieked and hid itself but disappeared. She smiled at the guard. "Anything else?"

"You can't bring that thing on campus."

"There's no rule saying I can't have my pet on campus, sir. I've read the book and asked your boss just in case. They all like him because he's very protective. It means that agents haven't tried to snatch me in three days." She walked around him. "Have a better day." She looked at her shoulder, shrugging some. "I don't know either." He purred as he petted her. "You're a great little friend." She patted him on her way to class.

The teacher grimaced. "Must you bring that thing in here?" she demanded.

"He snuck into my backpack," she said. "And kept me from being killed by a demon my sister sent."

"Wonderful. Can he sit in your backpack again?"

"Of course." She settled in and let him slide down her to her backpack and settle in there to be a backpack monster. "No climbing out to pet Penny today," she reminded him. "You freaked her out last time because she thought you were hitting on her because she thinks she's a princess." The tentacles all waved and sucked on the wet sponge she had in there. It could open the small container she had put it in and was happily sucking up all the water so it didn't drip. Dawn moved her books and papers out for it. That made it happier. She grinned at the teacher. "He has a damp sponge."

"That's being a good pet parent I suppose," she said, trying not to smile. "It is adorable but very weird and other students have complained, Miss Summers."

"They complained when my sister supposedly accidentally told a demon to come gather me back to Cleveland and that would've killed me from its poisoned touch too," she said dryly. "Mortimer protected me from another of those this morning."

"Your sister has issues."

"Yes, she does. The hairdye won their battle long ago." The teacher did laugh at that. "My sister never forgot she used to be an alpha cheerleader and I don't put up with her shit."

"It's good you got away from a toxic environment." She gathered the tests to be handed out as the other students walked in. "Get settled quickly so you have more time to take this essay test." A few groaned but they all settled in fast. At least until the kraken flowed out and rushed toward a corner of the room, making a demon appear as it attacked it. "Dawn?" she called over the shrieking.

"It's an assassin," she called back, pulling out a hidden crossbow and hitting the demon with a bolt. Then she rushed up with her machete. "Move, Mortimer. I don't want to hurt you too." The kraken got out of her way and she beheaded it. She patted it down, grimacing but it had to be done. She held up a ring and groaned. "Fuck." The teacher flinched. "Xander!" she yelled. "Help!" He appeared with a sword. She held up the ring and pointed.

He took it to look at. "Yeah, that's Taraka." She put her weapons back into her bag and hid them since they both heard security guards. "Guys," Xander said, waving a hand. "Dawn summoned me to help her." He frowned. "Is there an agent on campus?"

"The three that want to kill me," Dawn quipped.

"No, not them. Though they did try to get into Dr. Foster's work too. Fair warning," he quipped with a smirk at her.

"Sir, put down the sword," one of the guards said.

"Shut up," Xander said. He looked at the guard. "Dawn summoned me to help her with the demon assassin she had to take out." He held up the ring to the agent stomping in. "Taraka."

"We haven't gotten to see any of them," he said, taking the ring to look at. He ran his thumb over the markings. "It's worn. So he's not a newbie."

"No, and they're only for hire," Xander said, frowning at the demon body. He walked over, looking at it. "Dawn, did you search?"

"Just for the ring," she called. She looked around. "Guys, see if the teacher can use another room? That thing's going to decompose pretty fast and it's *such* a gross smell." They went with the teacher. She sat down, petting her friend. The agent stared at her. She shrugged. "Figured it was here for me. Buffy complained to high hell that I was going to Spain to do my masters."

He shook his head with a sigh. "Your sister is an idiot."

"No comment from us," Xander quipped. He patted the demon down, finding some papers. He pulled them out to look at, then handed it to the agent. "Not after Dawn for a change."

The agent took them to look at and grimaced. "Was she in here?" he asked Dawn, letting her see it by holding it up.

"Yeah. She was the brunette that fled in the middle of the pack. She always makes sure she's in the middle of the pack. I think her daddy does papers or something."

"We can check," the agent said, calling that in. He got her father's information and went to find her. "Harris, flee." He waved and left after a quick hug of Dawn.

Dawn sighed, looking at the guards. "I have to finish this semester and one other one," she said. "Then I get to flee." She got up, walking off. The teacher was having a fit in the hallway so Dawn walked around her and went in to look at a student. "The agent needs to see you. It wasn't about me," she said quietly.

"Damn it!" She got her stuff and walked out. "They sent an assassin after me?" she demanded. The agent let her see it. "That's my sister but we do look a lot alike." She looked up. "The last I heard she had joined some super secret group."

"We can talk about that and make sure you're safe, miss. Dawn, can it be canceled?"

"By the one who set it," she agreed. "Otherwise they'll all come until she's gone. They still have an order on my sister but gave up after three of them died in a day. They've been watching her to find a weak moment but generally give her a week after any apocalypse battle in thanks for making sure they survived too."

"Okay, good to know. You go do Dawn things," the agent ordered.

"Test?" she asked the teacher, who shook her head. "Thanks." She smiled a tiny bit. "At least it wasn't against me this time." She looked at a half-demon up the hallway. "Taraka," she called. "Not here for me." That one nodded. "Be safe, dude."

"You too, Summers." He stomped off.

The teacher looked then at her. "I've never seen him without his illusion I guess."

Dawn patted her on the arm. "His people tend to be warriors instead of scholars. He's a really good teacher though."

"He is. I had him for a few of my classes. Go home, Dawn." She leaned in the room. "It wasn't after Dawn, it's safe for now, we'll have the test next class and read the first section of the next book. You have a paper due in two classes on the next book." The students left and she went to talk to the college president, who was hissing and wincing at what had happened. The agent got the young woman back to their office to talk to her while Dawn went home.

An agent outside stopped Dawn by grabbing her arm. "Miss Summers, how did you get a crossbow into class?" he asked quietly.

She smiled. "Magic. It's damn handy for many things."

"I can tell. Do you always carry a crossbow?"

"Usually. I learned how to be cautiously non-paranoid from Xander." Mortimer the kraken was wiggling two tentacles at the agent. "I don't think he's a petting sort, Mortimer." The agent patted it and looked at her. She grinned. "He's a very protective friend."

"Your sister was noted up here recently?"

"She had a hissy that I'm not going back to Cleveland, yet again, and that I'm doing my masters in Spain after another semester."

He nodded once. "Figures. All right, go home, relax."

"She is not to have that thing here," a security guard complained.

"Stop it," the college president said. "The creepy little thing was helpful taking out that demon."

"His name's Mortimer," Dawn said with a smile. "He's not deadly to anyone. Though he can bite." She let the guard see him by holding him up. "He's a nice little plant. He's very loving and loves to play with long hair."

"It's still very weird."

"Then again, my sister's a slayer," she said dryly. "I know a good bit about freaky but safe things." The guard shuddered. "So he's not dangerous. He's just cuddly. He won't be dangerous until he's about cafeteria table sized." The guard walked off shuddering. She looked at the college president.

"He's helpful and you tend to leave him places he doesn't freak out?" he asked.

"He likes to hide in my backpack. He hates sunlight."

"Then that's fine I suppose." He walked off. "Thank you for the help and hiding the weapons, young lady."

"Have a better day, sir." She looked at the agent again, petting her little friend.

The agent shook his head. "Go home, Summers. Be safe and all that." She smiled, hurrying off. He called that in. Someone had to talk to her sister about being an idiot. When he heard that she had to get an excused absence for having been sent off-world by Rosenburg, that just made his week. Maybe they could finally get the witch into custody and get her mental help?

***

Xander knocked on the door, staring at Giles. He held up a paper, letting him grab it and growl at it. "I don't know who did it, but I was looking up the one that appeared in Dawn's class to get one of her classmates," he said. "And then we found that one." He stared at him. "I don't know why. I don't really care why because I'm going to assume someone's mind is mushy oatmeal consistency, Giles. So what do you want me to help her do about it?"

Giles looked at him. "Can we get it stopped?"

"Only they can cancel it."

Giles looked behind him then grimaced. "I doubt that would happen, no. Not without a good beating or six."

"Mera probably still has a softball bat," Xander offered.

"Do not tempt me, Xander." He licked his lips and made a small sucking noise. "I shall handle this. Have you warned Dawn?"

"Yeah. She promised to feed Mortimer his first human."

"What is Mortimer?" he asked. "A puppy or some such?"

"She found a baby kraken." He showed him a picture with a grin. "He's *very* protective of his human and Dawn plans on him protecting her forever and ever, even in a millennia when the idiot hellgoddess might come back."

"That's....incredibly weird," Giles agreed. "All right. I'll handle him." He looked at the young man. "You look well rested."

"After over a month of having my sleep interrupted by a spell," he said dryly. "Someone gave my sister a blanket with a sleep spell on it. I slept for two days." Giles winced. "So, yeah. I've finally gotten some." He grinned. "You have fun with them?"

"Yes, I believe I shall. Do you want to...." Xander shook his head quickly. "I understand."

"I doubt that considering I found the one on myself that someone put in your name." He let him see that paper. "And the one on Rosenburg." He let him have those as well. "So I'd really rather not check to see if my immunity for handling problems stretches right now. Especially since *someone* turned the Chief of Staff into a dog again. Though they don't believe it was Willow, they think it was a pouty student witch."

Giles rubbed his brow but nodded. "I will beat them senseless."

"Please do," Xander said with a nod and a grin. "Before they turn me into a goat again in front of starving people." Giles winced. "Oh, so much fun," he agreed. "And you knew that three days ago."

Giles stared at him. "I'll be sure to check myself for spells again. Thank you, Xander." Xander walked off. Giles went back to his office and forgot all about those, the spell was a bit strong on his doorway. Of course, he saw the papers and it jogged his memories. Yes, he had to handle a lot of problems. Including the bitching girls in the kitchen. "Andrew," he bellowed. He came in to stare at him. "Come help me remove spells from the office please. There's a lot of memory spells apparently going around again."

"We can check each other," Andrew said with a smile. Giles handed him the papers. "Awww, they're going evil. I really have to handle that."

"For right now, let's remove all those spells and put the energy into healing spells. Then we'll beat them to death."

"Giles, I'm a geek. I don't beat people, I make them sorry in multiple ways." They did get to work on the magic. Willow came in to pout at them but Giles turned to yell at her, making her flee in fear. Andrew waved a hand. "I can finish, Giles. You go have some stress relief." Giles nodded, taking off his glasses and leaving them there so he could go talk to Willow. Andrew removed the spells on the glasses too. Someone had some crackhead of magic ideas. Andrew used Giles' computer to hack a few places while the slayers screamed in fear but that was what was needed today.

***

Xander got stopped by an agent the next day, making him look at the guy oddly. "What? Did I stop the wrong person from summoning a demon again?"

"No," the agent said patiently. "We wanted to know what information you gave to Mr. Giles last night and if we can help."

"Oh, that. Yeah, a few of the old liners contracted with the Order of Taraka to take out some of us." He shrugged. "Not the first time." He walked off. "I'm told Giles realized they had magiced him too. Probably caused a huge temper surge. Pity but they brought it on themselves."

"What's the Order of Taraka?" the agent asked.

Xander grinned back at him. "I'm not Google, dude." He disappeared into the crowds going to a nearby coffee shop. He was tracking his sister again, and she was so tired she squeaked when he tapped her on the shoulder. "Hey."

"Buddy, don't harass her," the barista ordered.

"Dude, she's my sister. I'm allowed to harass her and make fun of her sleepy time hair." He smiled at Darcy. "Aren't I?"

"Usually. Though it's not because I was asleep. Don't worry, Barry. This is my little brother Xander." Xander grinned and waved. "Buy me a coffee, Xander?"

"You drink funny things in your coffee. But I'll pay for you to have funny coffee then make sure you get a nap."

"Jane hasn't slept yet," she sighed.

"So? I can nag your boss just like you can. And it'd hide me from Giles going 'round the bend as they say." He handed her money and she paid for a larger coffee, taking it with a grin. Xander grinned at him. "C'mon. I'll make sure you get tucked in then go nag your boss." She walked beside him, humming as she drank. Xander nodded at the guy tailing them then at Barnes when they walked past him. Barnes spotted the other guy and that guy fled. Barnes got to chase him.

"Huh." Darcy looked up at him. "Someone running from your shopping buddy." He waved at the security team. "I'm making sure she gets an ugly nap. She's had too much beauty sleep. That's why someone was trying to follow her coffee back here." One snorted but let Darcy sign them in and take them up to her apartment. Xander tucked her in and went to the labs, sliding into Darcy's seat to restart her game while Jane read, tinkered, and tried to decreate the universe. Again. When Jane waved her cup, Xander took it to get her coffee, nodding at the few people who stared at him oddly. He winked at a guard, who just rolled his eyes.

Banner met him in there while grabbing a bottle of water. "Why are you here?"

"Darcy was dead on her feet so I'm nagging her Jane for her today," he said dryly. "Only three people have realized I'm not that sort of geek."

"Many of them are in their own world," Banner agreed dryly.

"Hmm. That's why a HYDRA goon was in one of the labs?" He pointed across the hall. "I don't believe that guy, who I fucked long and hard two weekends ago, is one of you either. Stark doesn't seem like the sort to employ evil. And I spotted one tailing Darcy on the way back to the tower from her coffee shop. Barnes took off after him."

"Great," Banner sighed, texting Tony while he leaned against a counter. "We're going to go into lockdown. They'll ask you for your ID."

"I can present one. I'm just a sub." He shrugged. "Let me go back to nagging her Jane for her." He looked in the fridge and grimaced. "I'll order her something."

"She's picky and lives on poptarts."

"Yeah, I've seen girls that do that too," Xander agreed. He carried the coffee back with a spare cup for her. He put one next to her hand and sat back down. Jane gulped it then spotted the second cup. She sipped that one and got back to work. Xander waved at a guard, getting an odd look. He wrote and held up a note saying he was subbing for his sister, who desperately needed a nap, and he had spotted her being tracked back here. That one had run from Barnes.

The guard nodded and pointed. Xander put his feet up with a grin, getting a nod back. Jane was still working on her math homework so Xander fussed at some of the supposed organization of the lab. He puttered straightening things up. Then he sat down to sort the mail that was piling up on a corner of the desk. He looked up as someone was dragged out swearing, smirking and waving at them. They spotted him and their eyes went wide, but they quit struggling and tried to run instead.

Xander shrugged and grinned at Hill, making 'screwed him' hand motions. She rolled her eyes as she stomped off. Xander got up to make Jane some coffee in the in-lab coffeemaker but it was filthy. He washed it and started new coffee for her. She grunted her thanks when he put a cup next to her. His devious plan to make Jane eat went off with him ordering lunch and grabbing it from security for her. She didn't realize it was him instead of Darcy until after dark when Thor came in and paused.

Thor stared at him. "You are not quite as pretty as your sister," he said.

Jane flinched and stared, blinking at Xander. "Why are you here? Darcy wasn't going anywhere tonight."

"Darcy's been in bed all day," he said dryly. "I managed to get hold of something that said someone was going to kidnap you two sometime today. They took an agent out of here earlier, Jane."

"How long have you been here?" she demanded.

"Nine." He grinned. "Would you like the address of the place that made you that salad?"

"I... Salad?" She looked at the plate. "I ate a salad. I didn't even realize."

"It's a foodie place that caters to whiny people who hate food," Xander said. He wrote down the information from his phone. "They do completely allergy free stuff, which is why I know it." He slid the papers over. "Before you can nag her, I didn't do a thing with your work. I'm more math stupid than Darcy is."

"That's...I didn't figure you'd want to open a portal."

"Not unless I'm desperate." He grinned at Thor.

"I have been in those sort of battles," he agreed. "It's good you made her eat. Jane, would you like dinner? We can go there to see what else they have on offer." She smiled, gathering things and locking them in the safe. Xander handed her two more notebooks and she nodded, putting them in there. "Was that person earlier here for her?"

"Hill's text message said he was here to kidnap his girlfriend who broke up with him. They found another three agents here who were going to steal information. Including Jane's. There's some sort of group that wants to prove that we need a bigger military and all that by starting a war with a portal. That would eliminate the slayers being independent and make the military deal with it by probably opening up the portal onto a base."

"They're so dumb," Jane said.

"Yeah, but they're supposed patriots and they just want the US to be stronger again. Back when we were the premier military power in the world." He shrugged as he stretched his legs. "Which is why my sometimes sleeping aid helper wanted to kidnap Darcy at that poetry thing. He admitted it when I heard and went to ask him bluntly at knife point. The guy really needs to learn how to lock his doors." He shook his head, grinning at her. "Darcy's probably still asleep. She was a zombie when I ran into her this morning. Since I know she can stay up for two or three days...." He gave her a pointed look. "Do you know what day it is?"

"You're not her."

"No, but I did learn how to nag just as much as she has, Darcy's Jane." He grinned. "By the way, it's Thursday."

She looked at her watch. "It's Thursday?" She looked at Thor, who nodded. "Oh, damn it. I'm sorry I missed our date last night, Thor."

"We can go out tonight. I had nothing planned. Or even tomorrow if you want." He walked her off. Xander followed so Jane could lock her lab down better than usual.

Stark walked up the hallway. "We just see you everywhere, Harris."

"I'm not twins anymore so I don't think I've been in more than one place today," he quipped.

"Twins?" Jane demanded. "How did you do that?"

"Ask your guy to explain Toth and his hammer," he said. "He got me by accident but I was put back together by the Empress of Menace."

Thor groaned, shaking his head. "I had heard of such an artifact."

"He was the woman I nearly married's ex-husband," Xander quipped. "You can tell her about Anyanka too if you want. It's a great bedtime story. She'd be pleased to be remembered."

Thor stared at her. "You nearly married...."

"Her friends showed us we'd be miserable so I walked, left her at the altar." Thor slumped, staring at him. "She did get her job back but then she had a conscience so lost it again. She died in the battle of the First." He stuck his hands into his pockets. "She'd really like to be remembered if you want to tell her."

"I shall." He walked Jane off. She was looking up at him. "It comes from ancient Norse times. She was a very ...efficient woman at times."

Stark looked at him. "You nearly married a vengeance demon?"

"Former. She had lost her job because her power center got broken."

"Damn." He walked off again. "Darcy's still asleep."

"I ordered her stuff she'll like cold." He carried that bag up to her apartment, sticking it into her fridge and settling on her couch to watch her cable until she got up. He was a fantastic little brother. He caught a show on tv that he hadn't seen before, about demon hunters. He was highly amused at it. Maybe he and Darcy should team up that way and go handle things for a bit. They'd be hot traveling around to handle problems and it'd give him someone to talk to since he was already doing that sort of job. Though without the cool car. He could really use a cool car.

When Darcy stumbled out, he pulled her down to nap next to him so she could watch it too. She got happy with that.

***

Jane looked at Darcy the next morning. "Your brother's too sneaky. I didn't realize that he was here pretending to be you all day." Darcy just grinned. "He could've seen anything, Darcy."

"Yeah but Xander's not going to do anything with it, Jane. You know that."

"Point." Dawn appeared with a huff, hugging her little kraken. "Dawn, problems?" Jane asked.

"Many." She looked up then at Darcy. "There's apparently a prophecy about two sisters. They're going to sacrifice me, put my essence into you, impregnate you, then kill you when they have the kid, who is going to be an ultimate body for a reborn goddess."

Darcy shook her head. "I don't want kids." Dawn grinned at her. "Any idea who was going to do this and why?"

"One of the old line watchers is behind most of that cult." Stark leaned in a minute later, staring at her. "What? Is the college still in lockdown because a group of robed idiots tried to kill me with magic?"

"Yup." He stared at her. "Why?"

"They were going to kill me, put my essence into Darcy to impregnate her and do rites on the baby. Then she'd die after she gave birth to the future body of the hell goddess reborn."

Stark blinked at her. "Why do they have these plans?" he groaned.

"There's a prophecy," Darcy quipped. "Fuck them. Right up the nose with Mortimer's tentacles." Dawn burst out giggling, leaning down to give her a hug. "We can protect us both, Dawn."

"Thanks." She sat against the wall, looking at her. "I'm not so sure Buffy didn't know with the way she kept trying to get me back to Cleveland."

"That's a horrible thought to have about your sister," Jane said. "Unless it's true."

"I don't know."

"Xander left before I got up," Darcy said. "I can text message him."

Dawn waved a hand and hit a few buttons on her phone then sent the message. "Coded 'I escaped' call." She put her phone beside her then looked at Mortimer. Then at Darcy. She looked up the hall past Stark's legs. "And they're here too." She grabbed her phone as she stood up. "Let me go find a hiding spot." She set something on her belt off and they disappeared. She looked at Wong, Stephen's assistant. "Have you ever heard of an Oritox prophecy?"

"No," he said. "Will the master know?"

"Damn I hope he's not one that's going to try to sacrifice me for it," Dawn quipped. "I'm going to hide in a corner if he's not here. Before I have to go bind someone to me to protect me." Wong pointed so she sat on a corner chair to cuddle her helpful kraken. He went to call his boss. At least until someone knocked then Dawn let him get the door while she found her knife.

The sorcerer who walked in paused, staring at Dawn. "Who are you?" he demanded.

"I'm Dawn. I'm waiting on the good sorcerer to get home to see what I can do to stop a prophecy. You?"

He sneered. "Who are you to demand anything, child."

Dawn stood up and let her aura out. "Shut the fuck up, you minor little weakling wannabe Loki." He was backing away from her. "Just sit down and wait on him to get back. There's plenty of chairs." She waved a hand. "You're being really rude in someone else's house."

"You brought a creature here!" he said with a point at Mortimer.

"Mortimer protects me and he knows. It used to live in one of his closets." Mortimer waved at the guy then went back to calming down his human. She sat down with a huff when Stephen walked in glaring. "Sorry. I was swatting an ego instead of stressing over a prophecy to get me sacrificed."

He looked at her. "What?"

"Oritox prophecy," she mouthed. "Me and Darcy."

He went to his library, coming out with a book. "Who has that bad of taste?" he asked her.

"At least one of the old line watchers is one of that cult. So I was going to hide here in the corner for a bit until your badly dressed friend there demanded to know what I was doing." She head nodded at him. "It's sad that he wants to be Loki and can't even dress as well as he does."

Stephen looked at him before he got into a discussion with Dawn. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to you about a problem going on down in Virginia."

"Probably at my college. I had to pull up a great bit of magic to stop the cult from killing me. I've let the security email know that I'm safely away so they can take the college out of lockdown. Maybe I'll do my last semester in Spain after all."

Stephen looked at her then sighed. "Are things always so complicated around you, Dawn?"

"No. Right now I'm wondering if my sister kept wanting me in Cleveland so they could sacrifice me though."

He raised an eyebrow. "I did not take your sister as being that cold."

"Me either but I gotta wonder."

"True, but calm down and pull in your aura before it finishes setting off my protections." She looked up then did that. Mortimer purred and cuddled her better.

The other sorcerer pointed. "You let her bring in a creature?"

"It's being peaceful and calming so I don't mind that she took it out of the closet it had been hiding in," Stephen said dryly. "It would not harm me or her."

The sorcerer glared at her. "You're still a rude child."

"Unless you want me to banish you to Rosenburg, I'd get out of my face. I'm not in the mood for an argument or this shit today." The sorcerer sneered.

"Dawn," the Sorcerer Supreme ordered. "Down, reign in your temper, young lady."

She glared at him. "I have the right to have a temper with the idiot."

"Still. You're going to set off the protections and you'll both end up trapped in a room." He gave her a pointed look. She huffed but pulled in her power. He looked at the other sorcerer. "Is that the problem you showed up to talk about?" he asked more politely.

"I can't believe it was her. She's an untrained...." He squeaked as he shrank suddenly into a rat.

"Wasn't me," Dawn quipped. "Or Rosenburg or the coven. I can tell them. That was a male power." She looked at Wong, who shook his head quickly.

Strange pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. He tested the magic, shaking his head. "Loki did it."

"Why is Loki protecting me?" she asked. She looked up then at him. "He's still locked in Stark tower."

Stephen looked at her. "What happened?" She got up to turn on the tv and changed the channel to one of the news channels. Then she sat down in the corner again. He watched, frowning at it. "Why were they attacking...oh. To sacrifice you. Charming."

"To implant me into Darcy."

"I doubt she wants to be a mother that way," he said dryly. He turned off the coverage and looked at her. "Your temper is reasonably high but he is not the source to take it out on."

"No, he kept pushing his bitchy moment on me though. I just fought back."

"Point." He stared at her. "You can have a couch."

She grinned. "I'm waiting on someone to find me a good hiding spot."

"It'd have to be warded, Dawn, and most of the ones your friend Xander knows wouldn't have those sort of protections. Rest on the couch." He pointed. She went that way. He picked up the rat to look at and unfroze him, earning a lot of squeaking. "Shut up before I leave you that way." The rat quit squeaking and yelling at him. He changed him back. "Now, was there anything else?"

"She did that!" he shouted. "I challenge her to a duel!"

"Loki did that," Strange said. "And if you want a duel, you'd have a lot of problems."

Dawn came out without Mortimer. "If he wants a duel, we can do that." She shot the guy in the knee. "Anything else you wanted to try?" The guy blasted magic at her and she attacked with a sword. The sorcerer fought back but Dawn's powers sucked his out of his shields and around her sword so he was cutting himself. The guy screamed at one cut and started to crap his pants but she backed off. "It's up to you if it's a duel to the death since you called me out."

She stared at him. "Well? I'm waiting." Wong took the sword. "I don't really need that, Wong. I'm not a one trick pony like this one." The sorcerer yelled as he sent magic at her. She blocked it, rolled the ball into her shields, and then shot magic at the things behind him. The three axes on the wall flew down to land in the guy's limbs. Then she cast a spell to freeze him to save his life. She grimaced. "I hate wannabes." She went back to the couch.

Strange was staring in awe. "Well." He blinked at Wong, who shrugged. "I have never seen that technique used."

"Xander had to teach himself to use anything he could pick up and trained me the same way," she called from her couch. "I might be powerful but I don't do traditional magic."

"I had forgotten you weren't the usual witch, Dawn." Rosenburg appeared and he froze her then sent both of them to a healer he knew of. Perhaps that healer could find what was wrong with the redheaded witch as well as heal the other sorcerer. He looked at Wong. "Find me anything on that prophecy so we can go around it."

"Yes, sir." He went to the library. He had to wonder if those two were flirting with each other. It appeared to be so to him but one never knew what was in that orderly mind.

Dawn looked up at him. "My sister thought you were flirting during that meeting," she said quietly. "I think Wong thinks the same thing."

"I have admiration for your strength of will, Dawn, but I have no desire to besmirch you."

She snorted, waving a hand. "I doubt you'd be able to do much my last few boyfriends couldn't, but I don't expect it anyway. But you might want to talk to Wong. He had that same look on his face."

"I will later. Settle in and rest while we see what we can do to protect you." He went to his office to look things up. After he called that healer to check on his old friend, who was in a shitty mood for some reason.

***

Thor looked at Darcy a few days later. "I have heard from home." She put down her magazine to look at him. "My people have said I cannot bring you home with me, even if it were an emergency."

Darcy stared at him. "That proves your people aren't any more humane than humans are," she said dryly. He scowled. "Seriously. That means that they've shown they have no honor, no compassion, and no sense. Because if I nearly get killed for helping you with things, I'm going to come up there and kill half of everyone." She smiled slightly. "Got it?"

He nodded slowly. "They would not allow you up the bridge."

"Thor, there's more than one way onto Asgard," she said bluntly. "Otherwise there wouldn't be other artifacts down here that were made on one of the other nine realms. It might take me a bit to get through all of them but there's ways. I've seen two maps of them." He shivered. "So yeah, if they're that desperate to get you back, they can suck me. If they endanger my life out of spite for helping you win battles, they're goners. And if it was your dad, I have a special dagger I can bum to deal with him. Now, any other problems?"

"No," he admitted. "I..." He cleared his throat. "I'm sure they would change their minds if it was an emergency, Darcy."

"No they wouldn't. They're still nagging Jane about being human, Thor. You have petty, whiny babymen in charge up there. Thankfully, Sif has better skills and sense than most of your people." She went back to reading. "But I'll remember that when the world turns on you guys for being heroic the next time. I can make plans for a few of us, including Jane probably."

"They made the argument that you would not survive long up there."

She looked at him. "And how long would I survive down here?" He slumped. "I'm pretty damn crafty, Thor. I can survive anywhere but if they do that out of spite, they're goners. Period. I'll go all the way to evil and end all the threats to my life. After all, I did learn a bit here and there." He nodded, swallowing again. "Good." She smiled. "You can tell them I said that too."

"They would send someone to take you out."

"That's different from the two that tried after the battle in London how?" she asked. She went back to flipping pages while waiting on Jane to get out of the shower. Thor spluttered. "You didn't know that I had to fight off two junior warriors? Huh. Jane knew. Hell, Eric knew. Even Ian knew, he caught me fighting off one." She looked at him again, smiling at Steve when she caught him looking. Then she stared at Thor.

"Both of them had clear signs of inbreeding with the way their jaws were malformed and they looked like pale, hairless cats." Thor stared, mouth open. "I tazed one and the other one I stabbed when he tried to trip into me to bring me to the ground so he could stab me. Pity, but I didn't want to get that messy on the way to the bar.

"Did you think I didn't ask to learn some self defense in college, Thor? Women who are big chested often get harassed by men who think that boob touching is their right. I broke more than one wrist in bars over the years. I've tazed a few others and two I had to pepper spray because even the bar's bouncers weren't going to help me that time. One was hoping that they ripped my shirt so he could watch him rape me.

"That one didn't like it when I had the club busted by calling in a weapons call to 911. They found more than a few so they were happy and when they heard why I had called they agreed I had done the right thing and they had acted faster for a weapons call than they would to help me get free. Underneath it all, all beings are still part animal in nature. Even your people apparently."

He cleared his throat. "I would hope that those warriors were sent home in disgrace?"

"I have no idea what the police over there did with them. Don't really care," she admitted. "I'm sure they're unhappy that they failed no matter where they ended up." Jane came out tucking in her t-shirt. "Thor's people said I can't go to Asgard even if you go and it's an emergency."

Jane nodded. "Fuck 'em then." Thor stared at her, mouth open. She stared back. "They wanted me to die with th Aether too, Thor. Your father is someone I could do with never seeing again to be honest. He hates me and I don't care." She walked off to get a cup of coffee.

"You two were going to that open air theater thing," Darcy reminded her. She put the coffee into a to-go cup instead and came back sipping it. "Have fun at the play, guys." They nodded and left, him talking to her on the way there about things. She had to understand a few things, which she did, but she did not like them. Nor did she state she'd put up with them. When he told her of Darcy's threat she agreed she'd help Darcy get up there to kill them for being petty assholes. After all, Darcy hadn't signed up to get killed because she knew him. He considered that during the play and on the way back home that night. He would talk to Steve the next day about it. Get some perspective.

***

Dawn was at the local history museum in New York when a reporter spotted her. "What?" she demanded when the woman jogged toward her.

"There's rumors stating you're dating Dr. Strange," she said with a manic grin.

"Someone needs to quit smoking funny things," Dawn said sarcastically. "I'm using some of his stored artifacts for a thesis paper and I've worked with him a few times on protection things, but we are not dating. If we were, I'd guess he would've asked me out before now and I don't take him to be the shy around women sort. Since he hasn't, I doubt that's more than someone's nighttime fantasy." She stared at the reporter, who was looking angry. "Sorry but not reality. Have a better day, ma'am." She walked off making notes in her notebook about that possessed painting. She'd come back to it later.

"Who are you anyway?" she demanded.

"Just a college student," she said dryly.

"You're a witch," she sneered.

Dawn looked at her. "I'm an artifact researcher, ma'am." The woman glared at her. She shrugged. "I don't care if you don't like it. If I do or don't have magical gifts is none of your business. Nor is anything in my life as I'm not a public figure."

"I've seen you at plenty of things."

"I do have a sister that's a slayer," Dawn said. "But otherwise I doubt it. I don't usually show up to help with battles unless I'm pulled there." She stared the woman down. "You have a better day, ma'am. You're causing a scene and bothering the others in here with us. I have stuff I have to do so can you go?" She went to another room. The reporter was following her. Dawn put up with her nosy questions for almost twenty more minutes.

"I bet you are a witch and you used some freaky spell to make him fall for you," the reporter sneered.

Dawn looked at her. "Love spells don't work that way. My sister ran into one in high school." She faced her better, staying calm. "Second, I have ethics. Why would I need to love spell anyone? That's the equivalent of drugging them and then raping them. Do I look like a rapist to you?" The woman flinched back. "I don't do things like that. I have ethics and sense. If the man was interested in me, he would've asked me out. He hasn't so clearly he's not interested in me that way. My past papers he got a kick out of but he's not looking to throw me onto something and show me the universe in multiple, magical ways. I'm sorry someone misled you and that makes you angry, but you're angry at the wrong source. Now, is there anything else you wanted to accuse me of doing that I haven't?"

"You know magic clearly," she sneered.

"Yes, I do. Part of what I do is looking at mystical artifacts to find out if they can be made safe to store. A few can't, a lot can, and some are stuffed full of things that shouldn't get released. Though I did find one that a male nature witch stuffed his girlfriend into for dumping him."

"A warlock?" she sneered.

Dawn shook her head. "A warlock is an oath breaker," Dawn said patiently. "A witch is a witch even if they're male. It's all about power levels, not your gender or your sexuality. If you knew anything you'd know that. I don't practice and I know that." The reporter huffed off. Dawn smiled and waved at her back. "Have a better day, ma'am." She looked at the staring security guard. "Not my fault," she defended. "I stayed polite, didn't swear, and didn't cause a scene."

"You did. You're an artifact researcher?"

"Yup. Working on my first thesis level paper. I'm going to Spain's program after another semester. I'm actually working on possessed things. I'm going back to that one painting then upstairs to the rock study room that has a stuffed geode." She walked off, getting back to work. Willow was in there waiting on her. "Morning. Are you better?"

"He is so flirting with you. He let you have your *pet*," Willow sneered.

"Willow, Mortimer's not dangerous so why would he want to keep letting it take up space? There's plenty of other dangerous things that could be stored in that closet of his." She got back to work. Willow tried to take her notebook and Dawn yanked it back. "I'm doing college work. Thanks anyway."

"You got expelled," she smirked.

"I doubt that. I talked to the college president and the chair of the department I'm in and they both told me how to take my tests long distance for the rest of this semester." She stared at her. "You have a bad fantasy world just like that reporter, Willow," she said quietly. "You're not going to stop me from working with what I want to do for my life. You're not going to rule my life or even give me orders, because you're about nothing to me anymore. You've proved yourself to be unstable and unreliable. You've clearly confused my sister magically again since she was calling me by our mother's name earlier today.

"You're a sin against magic and a blot on the world. Now, leave me alone before I have to find a way to make a magical restraining order. I do have poker debts." She got back to work. Willow tried to zap her but Dawn pulled something out and used it to capture the magic and Willow. She put the cube back into her messenger bag and sighed. It was nice that they had sent that cube back to her to protect. The guard was staring in horror at her.

"One end does say not to open that, it'll release an evil thing," Dawn quipped. "I'm glad I could put the evil in there. It might save the city." She got back to taking measurements on the painting. "Hmm. They mixed the demon's blood into the brown and blue paints," she said, making that note. "So probably summoned it into the painting to get it away from someone they cared for. I suppose that means he painted this one really fast." She went upstairs to look at that possessed geode and found that the demon in there was dead but would be revived by blood it felt like. Or possibly blood tainted water. One of the museum workers came over and she smiled. "Hi, Dawn Summers." She shook her hand.

"I heard about your request to study things. What have you found?"

"Well, this demon's able to be revived. It's currently dead but can be brought back with some blood or even blood tainted water." She looked at her. "It's mostly in this half but when it broke it basically ripped the demon apart. So it wouldn't be hard to put it back together and revive it." She smiled. "That's unusual but not totally atypical. I've seen it done to ones that were trapped in books and paintings both. There's a nice, tidy ritual to revive and call them from their imprisonment. It'd take about three hours and whoever did it could claim dominion over the demon if they were strong enough to chain it to them. I've only seen two that were and one was to protect her family. The other one was a researcher in Egypt that wanted answers on some things they were researching."

"Interesting. Hard?"

"Chalk on the floor or marker on tape on the floor. Some blood, a bit of power but that can be gotten if they have access to another magical source if they don't have any themselves. So anything like a protection amulet could be drained for that. Some pawn shops in the city do take in protection amulets. The local slayers reported that two of them do when they found things in them." The museum worker smiled and nodded. "So far this is unusual but not absolutely rare. And you have another possessed rock around here in an adjoining room. It feels more formed though so I'd say jewelry?"

"Perhaps. We can look." She walked her into that room. Dawn detoured and looked at something then groaned and made a note. "What's that?"

"That is part of a huge demon that needs to be put together to be woken up. Just assembled and mumbled over. It nearly destroyed humanity and it can only be killed by a weapon not made by mankind." She looked at her. "I know there's two other pieces in the open. My sister fought it once. She used a rocket launcher to blow it back to pieces."

"Oh, dear. Do we know the name or any history on it?"

"I can ask if they can send you that." She pulled out her phone to call. "Giles? Oh, Hermans. I'm up here at the New York History museum and they have a piece of the Judge on display. Yes, that demon. The museum worker wanted to know about it. Can you send up the information? Well, actually, I know there's three pieces total in the open. Two were up for auction last year and we heard too late. I told Giles about that. Yes, Giles. Up here. Ummm."

She opened it to look inside. "Left leg." She reclosed the top and locked it. "Please. Miss Sullivan is the one that I'm talking to about a few possessed things. No, a painting, a geode, and this. Thanks." She hung up. "He'll copy it and send it up, though this isn't what I felt." She led her to the other thing, pointing at it. "That's got imps in it. Not horribly problematic but if they get out, they'll cause some hell." She looked at her and smiled. "They do like to create a mess. They'd probably interfere with the electrical systems too. Two imps nearly took out a dorm at NYU last year from the slayer's report."

"That's good to know. The same sort of level of skill to release it?"

Dawn nodded. "Probably even easier. Wearing it and rubbing it while thinking about releasing them probably. Imps aren't that hard to chain up. Something like the geode took skill to put the demon into it and lock it in there. This they just had to lay a trap and summon one. Like going 'shiny thing' to a kid and pointing."

Miss Sullivan nodded. "That's excellent to know. We can make sure that's got a good lock on the case. This painting?" Dawn led her to it. "We've often wondered about that one."

"He mixed demon blood into the blue and brown paints from what I can tell." She handed over the glasses on the top of her head. "They have telling spells on them. Very handy at times." Miss Sullivan put them on to look at the painting, staring in awe. "I'm guessing he painted it fast to get the demon summoned into it."

"The artist actually took over a year to paint that one. Interesting theory though. How would he do that to trap something? I can almost see the face."

Dawn nodded. "He'd have used the blood to summon the demon into the painting. I figured it was probably bothering someone he knew."

"Huh. Can we test for that?"

"That I don't know. I haven't done a great study of testing things suspended in paint. Though I did notice something in this area," she said, pointing with the back of her pen. Miss Sullivan got closer to look at it, nodding slowly. "See those little charms painted on the wallpaper?"

"I do. I thought those were just wallpaper patterns." She handed the glasses back and got a magnifying glass to look at it better. "That's... huh."

"Yeah. I didn't see any that were specifically holding it in there. The three I recognized without any research are all health spells." She shrugged. "I don't know why or even if he mixed someone else's blood into those before he painted it on."

"Giving someone else a healing spell?"

"Probably could. Usually you draw the marks on them with, depending on the healing spell, blood or oil. So I don't think they were healing the demon."

"Very interesting. The curator will want to know about that. How do you get those glasses made?"

She smiled. "There's a small shop in Greenwich Village that can do that. Another in Queens."

"That's great. Thank you." She shook her hand. "How long before you're done for the day? We're about to close."

"I can go now. The only other stabbing spire of mystical energy around here is in the attic and it's radiating so I'm guessing someone's got it in some sort of containment chamber it's trying to get out of. That's mystical but not possessed that I can tell by what I'm feeling and what my necklace tells me." She held it up. "The red glow means it's magical, not possessing, and the glow depth shows how strong it is. It glowed the brightest from the hallway by the armors."

Miss Sullivan looked up and moved her hand then frowned. "I think I know what that is. Can we stop it?"

"That's something to ask an actual witch. It's trying to get free to fulfill the spell it feels like. So someone stopped something. Xander strolled behind them. "Xander, what's that artifact?"

"The one I shipped back from Kenya. It's the thing that was anchoring a portal to a world that had gremlins like on the movie." He looked at the museum worker, smiling a bit. "Want me to break it?" She nodded, taking him up there. "Happy night, Dawn."

"You too, Xander." She went back to the Sanctuary, shaking her head as she walked in and found Stephen looking amused. "Xander's handling the artifact that has a portal to the world of the gremlins movie." He shook his head but still looked amused. "That painting's got some weird things but is definitely possessed. The geode's demon was ripped when it was broken open but can be revived, and I did tell a reporter off for thinking that we're dating."

"That's why I'm amused," he agreed with a smirk.

"I told her that we're not and you would've let me know if you wanted to get down and funky with me. I didn't think you wanted them to spread that rumor around the town."

"No, I agree, I can easily tell you if I wanted to date you." He smirked at her. She grinned. "Your little pet is being a menace however." He pointed.

Dawn looked. "Did you grow, Mortimer?" That one tried to capture her but Mortimer got free and came to cuddle her again. "Aww, is that your parent? That's cool you were getting cuddles but Doc wants to be able to get upstairs to the bathroom. Remember, humans need to do that. That's why you can't live in the toilet at times. You learned that lesson the hard way." Stephen was choking, shaking his head as he walked off.

"Hey, Momma of my Mortimer buddy, can you get out of the way of the stairs for a bit?" It moved. "Aww, you caught possessed vampire mice! That's so sweet, baby." She petted one of those tentacles. "Very nicely done, dear." Stephen and Wong both came out to look at those undead mice. They got things to cage them and Dawn took Mortimer back to her apartment by UVA for the night. It was a cool night so they could get cuddly on her almost-a-porch.

Wong looked at his master. "She is quite lively and does bring interesting challenges."

"Yes, she does," he agreed. "Though not always at the best times." He moved the kraken back into containment and went to rest for a bit. He had a headache for some reason. It also let him get away from the pointed hints that he could be dating. He really had to find the cause of that nagging and unspell it.

***
Part 4 by Voracity2
Bucky looked up from lifting weights, spotting Xander staring at him. "Huge problem?"

"Two," Xander admitted, walking in. "But neither one are yours. Which is shocking considering I stopped someone like you were made into trying to get Dawn again."

"He killed those."

"Self healing talent would heal gunshot wounds, Bucky." He stared at him. "I have no idea about any of them but three of them have went for Dawn." Bucky winced but nodded. "But the good news is I stopped the guys trying to stop them. He's in the trunk of my rental car. And I managed to destroy the demon that was going to stop SHIELD. I'd tell Hill but she's off getting her monthly flea dip bath."

"You really don't like her," he said sarcastically.

"Hell no. That woman looked at me after a battle I had just won and told me off for daring to win the battle that saved her and her agents' asses. So I'm pretty sure something will fuck her sometime but I'll have to find the thing with standards set on her level to suggest it."

Bucky winced. "That wasn't in any report."

"Yeah, she probably didn't report that in because it'd look bad that three of her agents touched something that clearly had 'don't touch that' written on it in english and five other languages. They had to break into a museum to do it. So no, I don't really care and it's great she's found another job but I'm going to make sure she doesn't warp my sister. So do you want the guy in the trunk?"

"Please." He got up and followed Xander down there. The guy had gotten free but was only a block away so they managed to recapture him since he was really weak and sore from the beating he took. An officer got in their way. "He was trying to take out agents," Barnes said. "We're taking him to someone to turn in." The officer got out of their way since they were nearly in the door of the tower.

Xander blew a kiss back at the officer. "Have a fun night, not-quite-HYDRA guy. What is the name of the group you belong to?"

"NYPD," he growled.

"Not that one. The one that marked you." He pointed at the tattoo. The officer glared and tried to hit him but Xander sidestepped. "Huh. I'll have to look them up. Thanks. Have a better night."

"I can arrest you."

"I can disappear before you even pull your cuffs, boy." He hiked in after Bucky, getting into the elevator. "That mark on his arm, inside the tattoo of the shield and sword, goes back to a pseudo-knight group out of Europe that was preaching purity is power and power is always right."

"Great."

"Yeah, but they fought against the Nazi disease because they weren't their sort of pure. Their sort of pure are supposedly knights who took out mystical menaces to kill them all. It was like a witch hunter's guild but more dumb." They walked the guy off the elevator and to the gym Bucky had been using. There was a changing area they could talk to him in. Hill stomped in and Xander walked off shaking his head. "I caught him trying to take out two of the new SHIELD's agents but only Skye saw me take him down," he reported. "Though I did keep the nice rocket launching system. It's nicely compact so I can use it later."

"I'm not the agent that's concerned about your weapons, Harris." She looked at him. "They're not in the US right now." She walked that agent off. "Did you insult the anti-magic purist out there in the NYPD?"

"Yup, sure did."

"Good. Be careful of them. They're recruiting."

"Good, they can go date the slayers," he said dryly, heading off.

"Darcy's got a date tonight," Bucky called after Xander.

"Not going for hers. Going to hit the potty then going to find a date of my own, Barnes."

"Sure, have fun with that." He went back to his workout. Those two were so confusing at times.

Xander walked into the bathroom and paused at the sight of Loki sitting there scowling but shrugged and unzipped his pants. "If it bothers you to watch me pee, turn around." He peed then washed his hands and left, relocking the door after himself. He had seen weirder things than a chaos god being locked in a bathroom. In there, Loki was growling but oh well. He growled better than any god thanks to the hyena and needing a sex date. He *really* could use laid right about now. He ran into Thor and nodded. "I brought in someone evil for them to deal with." He walked around him. "Your brother's growling because I totally ignored him and didn't flirt with him when I went to pee."

Thor groaned, going to check on his brother, who still had supplies. The AI assured him of it when he knocked on the door. He looked up then opened the door to look at his brother. "I will find if they have a better cell for you, Loki." He shut the door, going to talk to Stark and Hill. "My brother still resides in the toilets," he noted as he walked into Stark's office, where he was talking with Hill.

She grimaced. "Can we send him back to Asgard?"

"They sent him here to help with things."

"If I had a god-proof and alien-proof cell I'd let him have it instead," Stark quipped, staring at him. "At least the bathroom's humane, even if it's not exactly ideal. He's got water, facilities, we beam in food. He can nap in there and he's got a sleeping bag. He's even got a pillow and some limited chocolates because Lewis felt sorry for him still being in there. We don't have anywhere else to put him and you don't want someone like SHIELD to get him because he'd disappear, Thor."

"Can we work on finding him a better spot to be incarcerated in?" Thor asked.

"I've been working on a plan for isolation cells in the basement," Maria Hill told him, straightening up a bit more. "In case someone loses it or we need it for a highly powerful prisoner." Thor nodded at that. "It'll take at least another week to finish setting up."

"I suppose that's reasonable as his current location isn't inhumane, just humiliating."

"It's that or a closet," Stark said.

"True." He went to talk to his brother again. Not that his brother would listen to him at the moment but at least he was trying to mend the rift between them.

***

Xander was having a day off, feet kicked up on his motel room bed, icing a few injuries that were bothering him, when his phone rang. He looked at it, not recognizing the number. He still answered it because a lot of people he knew didn't keep a standard number. "Yeah?" he answered. He listened, sitting up slowly. "Is she okay, Jane?" He scowled. "Who in the hell.... oh, charming! Yeah, I can be up there tomorrow.

"Actually I'm in Oregon right now. No, actually, had to help one of the slayers with something and she's not a nagging sort so I volunteered when she begged. Yeah, I can be there tomorrow. Thanks for letting me know." He hung up and got up with a groan, tossing the bag of ice into the sink to melt while he packed his two bags again. He opened the motel room door, finding an agent standing there. "My sister's in the hospital thanks to a bad date. You're in my way," he said bluntly, staring at the agent.

"We really need to talk to you, Mr. Harris."

"Then I'd book a seat next to me on the plane," he quipped.

"We can keep you from flying out."

Xander stared at him. "My sister is in the hospital," he repeated. "There's nothing you can do short of killing me that will keep me from going to baby her." He stared the guy down until the agent took a step back. Then he smirked a tiny bit. "My sister works in New York, with a scientist. Thankfully it wasn't science that got her injured. You have about three seconds to say your peace then I'm going." He checked his watch then looked at the silent agent.

"You're not Council now, Mr. Harris."

Xander grinned. "You're right and I'm about to start an evil empire. Why would that matter to you?"

"We think you're causing problems in the US and the rest of the world."

Xander stared at him then shook his head. "Dude, don't make me knock you out."

"We can arrest you for that now," he said smugly.

"Sure, you go right ahead. I can start my evil empire right now by calling in a poker debt." The agent shuddered. "You have a great day." He walked around him to the office, handing in his key and taking the receipt so he could go home. Giles would probably reimburse him for helping this time. If not, well, he'd find a way to reimburse himself. He made it to the airport in time to catch a flight to New York City that would get him there early in the morning. Another agent was there waiting on him, looking smug. Xander stared at him.

"My sister is in the hospital," he told the agent. "Annoying me means that I'll call down a poker debt." The agent stepped back, shaking his head. "Good. Much smarter than the one that tried to pounce me at the motel. Thank you!" He went to the gate, getting on the plate really fast. He settled in and sighed in relief. He was starting to hate the US. He saw the air marshal on the flight staring at him so he grinned. "Hi." The man slumped down. "Maybe I'll find a portal maker instead," he muttered as he buckled up. The plane's doorway was shut and he relaxed. He didn't like to fly but it was rather necessary right now. The person next to him was giving him odd looks. He stared back. "What?"

"Portals?" he sneered. "Are you one of those freaks?"

"No, I'm formerly Council," he shot back. "The guy who went to train the slayers." He grinned. "Portals are reasonable sometimes but expensive." The guy shrank away from him, shuddering. Xander tipped his head back and closed his eye, only opening it when he felt someone leaning over him. He stared up at the stewardess. "Hi. How're you?" he asked with a smile.

"Sir, is there some reason your seatmate wants to move?"

"I was muttering about next time it'd be faster if I found a portal to the east coast instead," he said dryly then grinned again. "Apparently he hates that I used to be Council."

"Ah. Are you going to give us problems?"

"No. I never do. I've flown many times, ma'am." She smiled and patted him on the head then went to tell the other stewardesses. Then the plane's door opened. His seatmate was sneering at him. Xander watched as two people came on but were seated and the door was closed again. They taxied out and the pilot was giving them information. His seatmate huffed but oh well. Some people were haters. He hadn't saved humanity to protect people like that guy. Once they got into the air, he pulled out a book to read and his mp3 player to listen to. The stewardess came back to stare at him. "No internet, just music," he quipped, staring up at her.

"That's fine, sir. You're allowed to use those." She walked off to check others. The few crying kids were starting to fuss but that was about normal for any flight. His seatmate was still grumbling about him but that was his problem, not Xander's. Xander was calm, collected, and ready to deal with things once he got off the plane. Because the guy who had hurt his sister was a dead dude when he found him. If Bucky hadn't handled it for him already.

His seatmate huffed and got ignored some more, making him get more and more huffy until he decided to start ranting about demon things at the top of his lungs. Xander looked at the stewardess, who was scowling at him. "Can I knock him out?" he asked. "Before he has a heart attack from his blood pressure? Or before I shove my book down his throat?"

The stewardess came back. "Sir, you're causing a disturbance," she complained. "You need to calm down and stop it before we have to land the plane to have you removed."

"You have to remove that one," he shouted, pointing at Xander. "He's evil!"

Xander looked at him. "No, I've fought evil a few times but I'm only evil when I haven't slept in a few days," he shot back. The guy tried to hit him but Xander grabbed his wrist and squeezed. The angle was bad but the guy was moaning in pain. He looked at the stewardess then at the air marshal. "Can I do something to him for you?"

"No. We can move him," she decided, looking at the plane. She put him back by the screaming kids. Xander smiled and got comfortable, letting his legs spread more since he now had both seats to himself. She watched over him but he was a nice passenger who didn't cause her more problems than asking for a whole can of soda to himself.

***

Xander walked into Darcy's hospital room, staring at her. "You would not *believe* the idiot I almost beat the living fuck out of on the plane," he said dryly. "And they blamed me for him having religious conniptions." She snorted but looked amused. He leaned down to kiss her bruised forehead. "Can I kill whoever did this?"

She shook her head. "He's arrested," she mumbled. "Not HYDRA but same idea."

Xander grimaced. "I have got to start my evil empire sooner." He sat on the side of her bed. "So, Sis, how long before you make me quit hovering as you get driven home?"

She grimaced. "Two days."

"Okay. I can guard you and nag you and talk you into going gay for the next few days. I'm actually free for a few weeks." He grinned. She bopped him on the thigh but was looking amused. The nurse came in to check her over. "She's my sister," he said at the glaring.

"You're on her bed, sir."

"Yes, she's my sister," he repeated. "I was going to give her a hug after I figured out how sore she was. Don't you hug your siblings if you have some?" he asked at the glare he was getting.

"No, I don't."

"Oh, sorry to hear that." She glared. He grinned. "She's going to be just fine and if the idiot who did this to my sister shows up I'll let you call someone to pull me off him."

She stomped off and a new nurse came in. "Sir, who're you?" that nurse asked.

"Like I told Miss Huffy Nurse, I'm her little brother." He grinned. "She said she doesn't believe in hugging siblings."

"That explains why you're on her bed."

"Not like I'm going to molest my sister. I'm not into girls who I'm related to and Darcy's way too nice to like me that way. She doesn't like weapons at all." The nurse flinched, shaking her head. She hurried off. He looked at her. "Are you on the prison ward?" She shook her head. "SHIELD agents?" She nodded. "That figures. Most of them are head fucked." Stark strolled in. "Hey. Did the nurses freak out more about me possibly hugging her?"

"Yeah," Stark said with a grin. "They are."

Xander frowned, leaning forward to pluck something off Stark's collar. He was suddenly someone else. "Why hi, HYDRA guy," he said with a smile. "Get away from my sister."

"You're not Council now."

"True. Doesn't mean someone's rescinded my permission to handle things yet." He grinned. "Get away from my sister before I have to rescue her and destroy you. Because I'm the highest overprotective boob over my sister. Even more so than I am over Dawn."

"What're you going to do if you have to make a choice," the agent said smugly. "We have her to talk to as well."

Xander looked at Darcy, who shrugged. She waved her fingers at him. He kissed her on the temple again then pulled out something to draw on her neck. Then he turned and shoved the sharpie into the guy's eye suddenly, making him scream. "I think I'll turn into the same guy that had to take out multiple militias in Africa, mother fucker." A guard came in. "He just threatened my sister. Pity." He pulled out his phone to turn on. A message from Giles. He read it, nodding. "Interesting." He looked at the guard. "By the way, this guy is HYDRA. Has been since he was born from a HDYRA mommy and daddy." The guy was holding his face as he rolled around on the floor.

Xander considered it then called Giles back. "Hey, Buffy. It's me. Is Dawn okay?" He listened. "No, a HYDRA agent just told me they have her. Yeah, I can do that. Not a problem, Buffy. Thanks." He hung up and grinned. "You just made Buffy pissed off. That's really not a great idea." He made another call. "It's Xander. Hand the phone over please." A pause. "Hey, John. Yeah, I'm here in Darcy's hospital room and there's a HYDRA agent who just asked me who I was going to choose between her and Dawn. Can I get a minion to watch Darcy for me? Because she's healing and Dawn needs rescued, John. Yeah, that stuff is going to go bad. Thanks, man."

He hung up and grinned at his sister. "He promised it'll even be someone you can flirt with. He hires a lot of former agents." She rolled her eyes. "It'll be okay." He plucked his sharpie off the floor, tucking it back into his bag once it was capped. "Dude, I didn't scream like that when the minion of evil popped my eyeball. You whine more than teenage slayers with their first periods. Seriously, real men don't whine that way." Darcy was giggling. Thor and Jane stomped in. "Hey, guys. Darcy's getting a nice bodyguard while I go find Dawn. Apparently this HYDRA guy thinks they have her."

Thor swallowed. "I wish you a successful raid, Xander. We will of course watch over Lady Darcy for you."

Xander kissed Darcy on the head again then looked at him, grinning some. Thor shivered. "I've got a friend sending a minion to guard her in case you have to run off to handle things. Or in case someone feels the need to make me stop kicking ass. Let me go rescue her before she destroys the world." He looked at Darcy, who shooed him off again. He strolled off calling a local poker contact he had made during his last trip. The guy didn't answer the phone so he went to the poker hall. They all stared at him. "HYDRA guy said he has Dawn hostage?" They all nodded. "Buffy's letting me handle it, people."

"Six slayers too," one of the demons squeaked.

Xander laughed. "Sure, I can handle that too."

"One's Kennedy."

Xander shrugged. "It'll be fine. She won't do more than complain that I saved her scrawny ass. Can I be sent there?"

"The sorcerer guy is going to rescue them," that same demon squeaked.

Xander leaned down to smirk at him. "Magic against HYDRA means that they can capture the power to use. An RPG missile going up their ass will stop that plot too. So can I go?" They nodded, sending him near there. Xander looked around, checking his phone to see where he was. "Germany! Typical." He hiked for the nearest building. He nearly tripped over the bunker and checked the necklace that had a sensing magic pendant on it. Yup, Dawn magic was in there. He went down there and pulled his machete. Pity about the HYDRA people. Really.

He ran into the sorcerer in a battle and cleared his throat. "He's ticklish," he called. "His whole right side is ticklish and so are his balls. Send an imp." The sorcerer shot him a glare but did send an imp at the guy, which he wasn't prepared for. The guy was trying to fight off the attacks so Xander shot him in the balls. The bad guy fell down with a scream. Xander smiled and wiggled his fingers. "You knew better than to go after Dawn, Patrick. You *so* knew better. Did you think I was going to be happy?"

He shot two more guards rushing their way. "No, I don't need ineffective minions like you guys. I need better ones when I start my evil empire." He walked over them, heading for the back areas. He got the door to the cell open and got out of the way with a point. "I made a slight mess," he told Dawn. "Slayers?" She pointed, going off to huff and be glowy as she destroyed things. "Save me any artifacts so I can sell them for traveling money," he called after her.

"Yeah, whatever," she shot back.

Xander snorted but went to let the slayers out, leaning into their cell. "C'mon. Before Buffy has to do more than huff and pretend she knows how to raid a base." They all stared at him. "Did they give you stupid candy?" he quipped. "You're keeping me away from my sister's side since she's in the hospital after a huge shithead of a date, ladies," he said less patiently. They rushed out to follow Dawn. He looked at Kennedy when she paused to stare at him. "What?"

"You rescued us."

"I rescued Dawn. I only heard you were here when I was already coming this way."

"How did you learn to do this?"

He smirked at her. "I learned on the job in Africa, Kennedy. Who do you think handled things down there when they went bad?" She shuddered but hiked off. He checked for more prisoners, handing the sorcerer guy the one he found as he walked back out. He took the bag from Dawn and got them back to the portal home. They came out in the demon bar and he waved. "Thanks, nice beings. They're not going to do it again." He hiked out, going back to the hospital. He got paused as he got out of the cab.

"Mr. Harris, she's been taken back to the tower," an agent said. "Lord Thor made sure she's safe for you. He nearly got scary when someone else showed up to try to talk to her."

"The guard I asked?"

"No, not him. He got there in time to go with her and he was telling her about his own sister." Xander smiled and nodded. "But she's safe. We would like a report on what you just did? Please?"

Xander grinned. "I took out the people who had Dawn hostage. I had a machete. One of them was even a bad time of night off."

"Okay, sure," the agent said with a nod and a smile back. "I hope your sister's all right, Mr. Harris."

"Thanks. Are you HYDRA too?"

"No!" He shook his head. "I'm SHIELD."

"Cool. That's fine. Thank you for passing on that message." He flagged down another cab and went to the tower. They were locked down but the security team stared at him oddly. "What? I saved Dawn already. Wasn't that hard actually. My sister's in the infirmary?"

"Yes, sir, but we're under lockdown," one of the guards said.

Xander grinned. "I can sneak up if it makes you feel better."

"Let him up," another guard called, hanging up the phone. "Miss Potts saw him come in and said he's allowed to go fuss at his sister. Mr. Harris, up to the sixty-third floor please."

"Thanks." He signed in and went up there, going to cuddle his sister. "Hey." He laid next to her to cuddle her since she was pouty looking.

She looked at him. "Dawn okay?"

"Yeah, she's good. Her and the few slayers that were captured. Even Kennedy."

"Hmm." She shifted to cuddle him. "You give good cuddles."

"Thanks."

She yawned and fell asleep on his shoulder, getting cuddled for now.

Thor leaned in and smiled. "Your bags are in the closet," he said as quietly as he could. "Her guarding minion is in the outer area in case they attack here." Xander nodded, smiling at him. "She'll be fine in a few days."

"Thanks, Thor."

"Welcome." He went back upstairs. "She is getting held while she sleeps."

"That's what family does," Jane told him, smiling at him. "They comfort you when you need them to." An alarm started but quickly got shut off. "Let me guess, someone tried to get to Darcy?" she asked Stark, who was shaking his head. "Really?"

"Accidental gun discharge from one of the guards in the lobby." Stark put his tablet down. "Cameras down there have them napping together." A slight fog started and a man walked out of it. "That's showy. I need to learn to do that so I can use it at the next Stark Expo."

Strange looked at him, looking less than amused. "You can learn magic if you so choose," he said. "Where is Harris?"

"In the infirmary with his sister, cuddling her," Jane said. "Problems?"

"He confiscated mystical artifacts to sell them."

"Not like anyone pays him," Stark said dryly. "Even when he was working his boss forgot about it more often than not."

Strange nodded. "That does not surprise me any. Or how the slayers he saved complained that they didn't know he could do such things. May I look at his artifact stash?"

"Infirmary," Stark said with a point at the elevator. "Sixty-third floor. Then left."

"Thank you." He went down there, coming off the elevator with a nod for the nurses. He found Darcy's room easily enough. He stared at her obvious injuries for a moment then nodded. He had seen worse as a surgeon; she'd survive them easily after a few pouty days. He found the bag of artifacts and opened it, moaning at the fact he couldn't see inside it. He had it cloaked and possibly expanded.

Xander blinked at him. "What?" he demanded quietly. "Another bad thing?"

"Checking the artifacts for anything too evil." He gave him a pointed look. "Before it becomes the item that takes out someone wanting to be evil for hubris."

"I enjoy it when they do that to themselves," Xander quipped. "Nothing was too evil."

Strange pulled out the first few artifacts, frowning. "Where did you get these?"

"I took them from the demon in Oregon. Slayer Bria begged for help."

Strange squeezed his eyes shut for a moment then sighed and looked at what else he could find in that bag. He finally looked over. "Who made this interesting device?"

"Dawn." He grinned.

"Interesting. It's like what I did to my closets that hold things." He put the artifacts back carefully then stood up. "I would like to check the others before you hold an auction."

"I have no idea what I'm doing about that. I might just keep them to help during huge battles. Nothing stops a field battle like a few desperate, hungry succuba."

"Really?" Strange demanded.

Xander smiled and nodded. "It worked three times in Africa."

Strange shook his head with a sigh. "I'll take your word for it. May I see them later this week?"

"I guess. If you must."

"Yes, I must." He felt magic and looked around. "What is that?"

"I think that's Darcy's Jane opening a new portal," Xander admitted.

"Let me go make sure it's not to the ethereal plane again." He walked off, going to check on that one. He had to pause when he found four smallish unicorn ponies that were complaining about how it was someone named Sorana's fault that the portal had went wrong. "Perhaps I can help with that?"

"Did you go to the university?" one of the talking unicorns asked him.

"No but I am the sorcerer supreme on this realm, ladies."

"I am a male," one sneered.

Stephen Strange gave him a dirty look. "Not like I looked to make sure. That would've been rude." The unicorn snorted but pouted at the others. "How did you manage to get here?" Then a thought hit him. "Dawn met your people," he said. They all stared at him, the colt's mouth falling open. "I have met Dawn a few times over artifacts she's found." He took the artifact they had used, looking it over. "This is not naturally used to make portals?" he asked them. They shook their heads. "Then we can see how it warped." He had a thought. "Stark, can you ask Xander if he has a portal device in his bag of artifacts?"

"JARVIS?" Stark asked.

"Yes," the AI said. "He said he has two but neither one would work for them. He called Dawn and she said she has an idea of how to do it since she told them to use that artifact instead of the one with the trapped being. She'll be here in about twenty minutes, Dr. Strange."

"Thank you," he said, glancing up with a slight smile. "You're more helpful than I had ever considered possible, JARVIS." He looked back as Xander came off the elevator with two artifacts that were making his hands itch. "Those are high magic," he said blandly.

Xander held one up with a grin so he could see the sigils on it. "We can *probably* warp it with Jane's machines but it might let her out." He held up the other device, which looked like a disc. "Or we have the temporal device."

"Put that away before you become the man in the police box," Strange ordered, scowling at him. Xander just grinned. "Or your sister does." It went into Xander's pocket. "Thank you." He took the other device to look at, frowning as it made his hands shake. "What is that?"

"That is a higher demon from our past," Thor said, getting up to come over. "I had no idea that was out of dwarven hands." He touched it and it shook all on its own. Xander swatted the top of it. It quit moving. He looked at Xander. "How did you come to hold this artifact, Xander?"

Xander grinned. "It was a thank you present for the great night of sex that broke the mage in."

"Dwarven?" Thor asked.

"Nope. Half elf. He said it was the only thing of substance that wasn't too powerful to be on this plane he had beyond his hand-made staff."

Thor sighed. "That is probably a bad thing. I should tell Heimdall so he could find out how that happened."

"He was there," Xander quipped, smirking at him. "He got there later but he knew."

Thor winced, nodding once. "That should still be in a well sealed vault that has guardians."

"Um, yeah, but Dawn's found out that the Guardian guy, the one with the huge collection, he got broken into and almost all his stuff got smashed and stolen."

"Fuck," Thor said in Norse. Xander cracked up, grinning at him. "Truly?"

"Truly," he agreed in Norse. "Something to do with the battles that group with the tree man has."

Thor rubbed his forehead. "Your Norse is good."

"Thank my ex, Anya," Xander said. "She taught me so we had ways of talking about Willow without her knowing."

"I had heard of your former fiancee," Thor admitted. Strange looked at him then at Xander. "He nearly married Anyanka."

Strange blinked a few times. "A vengeance demon?" he demanded.

"Well, she had been fired when we were together. But, yeah." He smiled. "I left her because she would've been miserable so she got her job back but then lost it again because she had a conscience. Then I lost her to the last battle in Sunnydale."

Strange sighed but groaned, shaking his head quickly. "That is a longer story to talk about so it can be documented so later generations know of her deeds and her strength." He looked at the device in his hands. "It's smoking."

Xander hit it again. "You come out of there and I'm giving you to the mini slayers, all the sixteen toddlers of them." The smoke retreated back into the device. Xander took it back with a grin. "I'll go hide it again."

"I have a vault," Stark said. "No one's getting into it and we don't like magic so I can put shields around it. It'll never get out unless the tower completely caves in. Then we've got bigger problems than that thing." He got up to grab it and walked off carrying it at arm's length. He ran into one of the other geeks he employed. "Mystical artifact." They got out of the way, hugging the wall so it wouldn't touch them. "Good idea." It carefully got placed into the vault and a shield came down around it to hermetically seal it into the shelf.

Nothing could get in, out, or around it. "Good." He looked at the rest of the vault, getting some help from that geek to remove anything from it. "We can put more things that shouldn't be in the open in here with that thing." He went to talk to Xander, who was back with his sister. "Can I store more of those for you?" he asked patiently as he walked in.

Darcy blinked at him, then shrugged, nudging Xander with an elbow. "Stark wants to take some of the bad guys you've got trapped in jars."

Xander looked up from his tablet he was typing on. "I was looking forward to selling them to bad guys so they can take themselves out while I giggle my ass off since most of them are like you and hate magic."

Stark blinked a few times. "Who'd do that?"

"Six wannabe warlords and bad guys in the last year." He grinned. "It's how I afford to go rampaging around to handle huge problems and not sleep on my sister's couch."

Stark blinked a few more times. "Wow. Would it work on someone like Doom?"

"No. He knows about magic and he's not that vain. I did take out one of his enemies with it and he sent me roses." He grinned. "It was sweet of him."

"Yeah, I guess it was," Stark agreed, nodding slightly. "Kind of driving me nuts, but yeah that's sweet of him I guess." Xander smirked at him. Darcy groaned, covering up again and getting cuddly. "Is there a way we can set up something so Jane can study magical portals instead of the ones she wants to rebuild?"

"Of course. We can even use something Richards keeps screwing up that Dawn has to walk past their building to depower every few weeks if you want."

"Don't tempt me," Stark shot back. "That's nearly evil."

"I keep telling the agents who keep trying to annoy me that I'm about to start an evil empire. Dawn would be allowed to be my arch nemesis or my second-in-command if Darcy didn't want it." She poked him hard with a finger. He winced and flinched. "Easy on that spot, Sis. I ache like shit there." She sat up to pull his t-shirts off him, staring at the injuries. Xander looked then at her. "I handled them."

"Fuck," she breathed. "Stark, get the doc? Will they treat him?"

"Of course they can," Stark agreed, staring at the bruising and cuts. "What did you take on?"

"Sixteen arms with rock-like fists and a weapon that could have destroyed parts of Oregon. Slayer Brea begged for help."

"Fuck," Darcy repeated. "Is it dead?" He nodded, giving her a funny look. "The weapon?" Xander pointed at the bag. "Um, no. It needs to be safer, Xander."

"Show it to me so I can make sure it won't destroy this expensive, tacky island, Harris." Xander pulled the bag over with a groan and dug it out, handing over the three pieces of it. Darcy looked then at him. "You broke it very well. Though I can probably put it back together again with duct tape. I do it often enough with Jane's machines." Stark held up a hand, shaking his head as he looked at it. "Was it mystical, energy, or otherwise?"

"Mystical energy from another realm. It held a little hellmouth like pearl of compressed energy. That's not in the bag." He pulled it out of his pocket to hold up. "I can safely contain it with the hellmouth taint I carry. You don't have that cushion."

Stark walked off, taking the weapons parts with him. He came back with a glass jar that he used to scoop up the pearl from the bed when Xander dropped it for him. He put it into a contamination holder and sealed it in. "That's safer." He walked off with it to go to his lab. Strange came in to look in the contamination chamber. "It powered the weapon the demon in Oregon had."

Strange looked at it and put it back together, handing it back. "That is a horrible bit of energy." He walked off scowling to nag Xander. Dawn had showed up by the time he got there. "Dawn," he said with a nod.

She patted him on the arm. "You look peeved. Another portal with tentacles?"

"Unicorn warriors showed up with a broken portal artifact." He held it up. She took it to reset and handed it back with a grin. "Thank you. Your semi-brother broke the artifact the demon in Oregon had."

She looked at him. "Where did you put the condensed hellmouth?"

"Stark has it." He grinned. "And the weapon."

"Great." She smirked at him. "Buffy heard." He shrugged. "She's not amused. The demon that told her bragged it was a worse fight than the one in Kenya the second time. She went on a fit about not hearing about the first one in Kenya. Or any others you had in Kenya." He winced, shaking his head slowly. "She's going looking."

"Oh well. They tossed me aside by thinking I was *normal*. Pity."

"I told her that." Dawn leaned over to hug him. "Thanks for saving all our butts again and not using that against the witch from hell. Who Buffy told about that being the *second* battle in Kenya." He grimaced. "Stay safe," she quipped.

"I'll set up protections," Strange said. "Your red witch is a horrible thing to have here in Manhattan. I don't need the extra work." He and Xander got up to put up protections with Dawn's help. Dawn went up to do Darcy's apartment as well with him. Then they went to talk to the unicorn warriors, who spotted Dawn and all started to complain together.

Dawn stared at them. "I told her it'd take more power than she usually had to power it and she'd have to pull energy from something else," she said to interrupt them. "Where are the rest of you?"

"In the cube," one said, holding it up.

Dawn released them and handed Strange the cube she had gotten Groot home in. "Let me go get that ball of power to charge it." She was heading for the elevator but Stark brought it out. Thor stared at it and groaned. She shot him a grin. "It powered the weapon Xander stopped in Oregon. A demon had it." She took the unicorns outside to the porch area so they were in the open. It was a bit chilly but they had fur. She was shivering but it'd happen easily enough. She got them all home and flopped down onto a chair with a sigh.

Strange looked down at her. "You need to learn how to do that easier."

"I don't like using the magic I have," she admitted. "It makes me feel like I've got morning sickness." He hauled her up and checked her over, nodding her inside. "I know. I can go nap on Darcy's couch probably." Stark took back the ball of power to go put up. She went to Darcy's couch for now.

Strange decided to be a bit blunt. He looked at Thor. "Can your brother teach her how to access those powers of hers easier? I use a different form of power than she does and he has that nice compulsion to help you with battles at the moment."

"I have no idea," Thor admitted. "We can ask him thus. He's still in the bathroom by the labs."

"Please. Before she creates a mystical pregnancy." He nodded, taking him down there to talk to Loki. Jane was shaking her head. She still didn't like magic messing up her science.

***

Loki was let into the apartment suite, looking at the sleeping child. The annoying sleeping child. He cleared his throat.

"I felt you out in the hallway," she said without opening her eyes. "What's wrong?" She sat up, pushing her hair back. She frowned and summoned her baby kraken. Who got happy to cuddle her again. She stared up at Loki. "Huge problems I need to help solve?"

"I was asked to teach you how to properly access your greater powers, chit."

Dawn grimaced. "I don't like having to use it. I get nauseous."

"Yes, that's your magic trying to create a second receptacle for itself." She winced, slumping slightly. "It's not that hard to properly access it if you wish to learn. Before your friend upstairs has to birth it for you?"

She gave him a dirty look. "I don't have the proper structures to create one, Loki." He gaped. She stared back. "Sorry, the way my body got made wasn't with a uterus." She got up. "Can't Stephen teach me?"

"He'd access powers like the others on this plane," he said patiently. "Unlike yours. Which are more like a universal power." He gave her a pointed look. "Which I realize why so quit panicking."

"I'm not panicking. If you try to harm me I'll send you after those unicorn warriors I had to send home earlier."

He burst out laughing, smirking at her. "It's good you're mouthy but I know of them, chit."

"I have a name."

"Names contain power," he instructed.

"Yeah but my human name isn't the same as the artifact."

"I heard. Or at least I realize." He tipped his head. "A quick lesson so you don't blow yourself up? That way humanity has other protectors when your friend gets killed."

"He's sick?" she demanded.

"He's full of energy he should not be able to hold. It's probably eating at his cellular structure."

"He always sucked up a lot of hellmouth energy." Loki looked confused. Dawn called up information for him. "From this place or from the one that he had to stop the other day?"

He read it over, frowning. "What is that?"

"A hellmouth. He was born there. He sucked up more than anyone else ever has."

Loki frowned. "That's interesting." She hauled him off by pulling on his sleeve, taking him to the infirmary. "I can walk."

"Yay." She walked him into Darcy's infirmary room. "Xander, he said you're being eaten by energy."

"Great," he said dryly, looking at them. "The hellmouth, which shouldn't be doing any damage since I sucked up about half of it or the other one that I had to hold until Stark contained it?"

Loki frowned as he tested him. "The second probably. It's newer energy, hasn't degraded any. Though you are a battery. That redhead could easily use you the next time she loses her mind."

"I stopped her the last time," Xander said. "Including getting hit by a lot of black magic she hit me with."

Darcy yawned, waking up to blink at them. "This is an interesting bedroom but if you're hitting on my brother you can take him with you for now. Just don't use my bed." She yawned again. Dawn was giggling. Mortimer flowed over to pet the Darcy. "Thanks, Mortimer. You're a sweet little plant guy. I need one of you as my pet. You'd help me a lot in the lab and you'd be cuddly when I was binging movies." The miniature kraken petted her a few more times then went back to his human, which amused Loki. He even rolled his eyes while smiling. "So, it's the new energy source that's caused the bruises?"

"Most of them are from the battle," Xander told her. "Really it was. The thing had sixteen fists."

Loki stared at him. "How on earth?"

"It wasn't from earth." He took Dawn's phone to pull up the battle footage, letting them all see it. "See, not from earth."

"Who is the girl?" Loki asked.

"Slayer Brea."

"Interesting. She's letting you do most of it?" He looked up. Xander nodded. "Why?"

"Because she thought it'd take her out for being female. Some demons do have things that can eat female genetic material." He looked at Dawn. "When did you two start to hang out?"

"Strange asked him to teach me to properly reach my magic before it made me pregnant, which is physically impossible actually."

"With magic many things are possible," Loki said dryly.

She looked at him. "Not if I don't have a uterus to carry it in or eggs to create one," she shot back. He blinked at her. She smiled. "Sorry, but none there. Not my doing."

Loki handed back the phone, letting Darcy rewatch it so she could hit her brother on the arm for being in that battle. He took Dawn's hand to test her magic and whined. "How on Midgard did that happen?"

"She got woken up," Dawn said dryly. "And then there were monks and minions and knights." Xander cleared his throat. "And that's all I'm saying about it."

Loki sighed. "You have elemental powers, not traditional magic."

"Which I still don't tend to use."

"You need to, it's eating some of your form," Loki said. He gave her a pointed look. "I will take you to that amusing sorcerer's abode to use his shielded areas to show you how to do that safely. That way he knows how to teach your next incarnation." She petted the kraken with a grin. He swallowed. "That's actually a good backup plan."

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking but I love my little guy no matter what happens."

"That's fine. Let us go there." She took him with her, making him give her an odd look. "Much faster than those cab things." Strange looked out of the office. "We're using your shields so you know how to teach later elemental power users."

"What's that college the unicorn princesses of pout talked about?" Dawn asked him.

"The University of Magic? It's for mages." He took her to the shielded practice area he could feel, settling across from her. He showed her how to touch the elemental forces he could touch, and let her discover her own connections while Strange watched on. Then Dawn found a universal well of power and accidentally touched it. Mortimer squealed as he ran off.

"Sorry, Mortimer. Let me dump that," she said, concentrating on dumping the energy into the shields around the room. Her baby kraken slowly came closer until she could grab him to pet. He settled in her lap again.

Loki stared at her. "Well." He looked at Strange, who was looking less than pleased. "You are dangerous."

She grinned. "Thanks. Really. All the bad guys who want to kidnap me for my sister's anger think I'm dangerous once I get myself free," she shot back sarcastically.

Loki shook his head. "Do they not come after you for your skills?"

"I don't use my magic, Loki. I grew up with Willow making mistakes and fighting her addiction to her skills. I'm never going to be like her and I don't want to rely on magic for everything, or really much of anything. Protections and the like, yes. Everyday magic? Not unless I'm moved to a world where D&D is more realistic. Since I don't want to live on Asgard...." She shrugged. She looked at Stephen, who smiled slightly. "I really don't. Magic can be creepy. Especially if you use it for every little thing. I used to like Harry Potter books but I'm not going to Hogwarts and I'm out of my bad boy phase where I would've screwed Draco Malfoy into being a good boyfriend."

"I'm sure you are," he agreed. "You have grown up since your youth. We all grew up." He came in to sit with them. "Show me what you were doing, Dawn. That way I can help if you or someone else gets stuck. That looks a lot like what one of the sorcerers I know was trying the other day and nearly burned her head off." Dawn nodded, putting Mortimer down beside her and putting up a visualization of what she was doing. He was looking through his Eye of Agomoto at her while she concentrated and touched it. "That's interesting and why she nearly got burned up." He looked at Loki. "Is that standard for Asgardian magic?"

"That is universal magic, not Asgardian. There's some mages that specialize in that form but not many as it's dangerous to control."

"I have good control," Dawn reminded them.

"You do," Loki agreed. "You could do bigger things."

"And if it's the fate of humanity I will," she agreed. "Unless it's the fate of humanity or I'm being attacked by something I can't fight off, then I'm not. I can also only pull some of the magic instead of everything at once." She showed she could do that. Mortimer crawled behind Stephen's back to hide from the magic but she'd cuddle him again in a minute.

Stephen sent a harmless magical probe towards her magic, testing it. She didn't do more than physically flinch but he understood why. "You've connected it to your core."

"That's how I was made," she reminded him.

"I realize why, Dawn, and it's unreasonable to expect you to change that." He frowned and tested it again but she was starting to sweat. "Let it go." She dropped it all back into her and leaned over to grab her kraken from behind him, making him cough in warning. She sat up with the kraken going into her lap again. He shook his head, rolling his eyes a tiny bit. "That is still very weird."

"Coming from Dr. Strange," she quipped, grinning at him. He scowled. She just smiled back. "At least you're not the guy who offered to help me do the renewal rite for the world crystal. I had to turn down his suggestion for sacrificial sex since I'm not a virgin and I'm not going to give up my power and body to the crystal."

Loki winced, shaking his head. "No, you are a servant of it as he is but not that way, child." She scowled at him. He grinned back. "I am much older than you."

"Not in my natural green form," she quipped.

"Point. Barely."

"What about that Collector guy?" she asked him.

"I had heard he was raided or broken into," Loki admitted. "It will cause problems for a long while I'm sure."

"And that's the sort of thing that's drawn to me and Xander," Dawn said. "Is there things there I should worry about coming to cuddle me?"

"Yes," Loki said with a grin. "Many. Including another Gem."

She shivered. "That thing was headache inducing when I had to drain one partially to get home." She yawned. "Will that stop me from getting nauseous when I have to pull up energy?"

"That would depend on the energy you pull up," Loki instructed. "If you pull up earth energy like the native witches do, no. If you pull up your version of magic, it would. That would also let others who know magic realize that you're not a normal witch."

Dawn nodded. "So nausea versus more danger."

"And a possible mystical pregnancy," Stephen reminded her.

"No uterus. No eggs. Nothing like that. It got the outsides done and not the insides when it made me."

He hummed. "That's interesting but understandable if it had to make your form quickly instead of over time."

"Yeah, the monks set off the spell as they were being taken down by *her*."

Stephen frowned but nodded. "At least that is something but it could still create the necessary structures. Have you had an ultrasound recently? Not to be nosy."

"A year ago," she said. "I get one yearly. My new doc thinks that mine got removed after a horrific car crash thanks to the scars on my stomach." She lifted her shirt to show them off. "When that was Glory opening me to get my blood to attempt her portal plans."

Stephen nodded. "That's a reasonable assumption and cover story, Dawn." She grinned, putting down her shirt. "You are not the usual problems I see. Nor do I consider you to be a future threat I'll have to eliminate." She grinned at him. "I hope." He gave her a pointed look.

She patted him on the arm. "That guy suggested it's your job to lead the sacrificial rite to give virgins to the world crystal. I told him off for you."

"Thank you. Show me him soon so I can correct his assumptions. I do not like the idea of sacrificial rites."

"The world crystal is important," Loki admitted. "And there have been sacrifices in the past but only if it was damaged in a meaningful way. Then it's really up to those with sirenic gifts to heal it with energy additions. A full sacrifice of a virgin and her powers would mean it was fully cracked and unhealable without that." Loki frowned. "It should not be."

"Can we check?" Dawn asked. "Scrying or something?"

"I know the ones who guard it and can ask one," Loki said with a hand wave. "If so we'll be losing things like gravity." Stephen frowned. "Magic is the lubricant that keeps the core of this planet from slowing down. Otherwise it wouldn't be spinning as fast as it used to. Magic lubricates many natural functions that science depends on. Which is why I get so amused at Jane Foster's theories at times."

"Have the tentacles come back?" Stephen asked.

"No," Loki said with a small smile. "They still have friends as well."

"Good," Dawn agreed. "Darcy was nice when she gave them new friends."

"That was mean of her," Stephen chided.

"But effective. No one's come to try to steal Jane or her files since then," Dawn argued. "Useful but mean is effective."

"I cannot argue on the point of it being effective but ethically it is wrong," Stephen said firmly.

She grinned. "Sometimes you gotta be mean to protect yourself and others. Or the slayers wouldn't have to kill some of the demons who're acting in their interest but it'll hurt people. Like the one trying to reanimate his soulmate last month. Her death had destabilized and sent a whole realm into decay because she was tied to their native magic. Bringing her back would save their lives but take out a good half a continent."

"Point," Stephen agreed. "At that level it's reasonable and a good idea. Though I do feel for those others who are being hurt." She nodded she did too. He sighed. "Sometimes ethics is gray instead of black and white." She nodded again. "I do not judge many of those unless they try to take out humanity. Darcy giving them the agents who were annoying them isn't that important."

"Unless they had managed to open a bridge like she did," Loki corrected smugly. "Because then they would have endangered most everybody."

"I had not thought of that."

"And really, agents shouldn't be stealing," Dawn quipped with a grin for him. "Should they?"

"No," he agreed.

"Or kidnaping since they tried twice," Dawn said. "Xander stopped them both subtly. The minion there to guard Darcy stopped one earlier and handed him to Hill."

Stephen winced. "That is wrong of them."

"So the tentacles having them isn't as wrong as they were to try to take stuff that could harm everyone," Dawn finished.

"That is a point of consideration," Stephen decided, staring at her. "You are very much a shit stirrer as it's called." She beamed at that compliment. "Do you often do that?"

"My sister's very black and white about things but blind about them just as often. That's why she dated Spike. And Riley." Loki looked confused. "There was a government program tearing apart demons by the harshest methods to figure out how they did what they did and if their powers could be passed on to soldiers. They tortured anything they could get their hands on and tended to use something like Darcy's tazer to capture them. They didn't care if they were peaceful, harmful, or a child. Yet my sister was dating one of their top team leaders, even after she found out, and they tried to court her to see if they could get her skills too. Then we had to end their program by her group going in to defeat them."

"I hope they never return," Stephen said.

"UNC," she said bluntly, staring at him. "The ones that got given permanent work assignments but were scientists are at UNC, Chapel Hill. We've all put up protests against them."

"I know of someone down in that area of the country. I'll warn them later," Stephen said. She relaxed again. So did Mortimer, who was stiff in her lap. "Calm your pet, Dawn." She cooed and petted him. He looked at Loki. "How many others would have her as a sacrifice if they knew about her?"

"Most of them would see her not as human but as the artifact," he admitted. "Including many from Asgard who believe Midgardians are roaches to play with." He looked at her.

"Which is why I'll never go up there unless I absolutely have to, I won't be using my magic up there, and if they try I'll destroy that realm by destroying their core." She smiled sweetly. "And I'd have help from Xander."

"He's noted himself up there a few times," Loki admitted. "I don't know why."

"I know once it ended up with a naked Heimdall and something about an endangered dwarf princess," she quipped. Loki burst out in giggles, falling onto his side to laugh. "Yeah, we think so too." Stephen was shaking his head but smiling. "I'll come running to hide in one of your many closets if I'm in that sort of danger," she said quietly, staring at Stephen. "Just toss me a book now and then."

"I can do that," he agreed. "Must you go to Cleveland again?"

"No. I hate Cleveland. I don't want to ever go to Cleveland again. Not matter how much my sister fusses and whines and complains. Or tries to have demons steal me from campus or any other way she's tried. Even if I go back to working for the Council it won't be from Cleveland. I can Skype like a mofo."

He nodded. "That's a good thing since you show energy warping by that hellmouth, Dawn."

"Yeah, I naturally suck up any loose energy around me to clean mine so it's more camo'd. Xander and I had radiation sickness when we left Sunnydale." He blinked at her. "For about three years he wore a piece of metal that had been in the debris from the hole to keep his radiation sickness down. He had to destroy it to destroy a huge demon in Africa somewhere. Then he got sick again but not as sick. One of the boyfriends that worked on weapons helped suck it out of him and Xander kindly took that weapon from him when he was feeling better, right before SHIELD got there. It's probably in one of the safes he has hidden."

"I would like to look in those," Stephen said. She shook her head but was smiling. "He won't allow anyone?"

"Not even me or Darcy. Not until he's dead and then he left instructions in his will so she can find them and get whatever she needs to make herself safe. Including his blessed axe."

"That's slightly wise but it could lead to things attacking there."

"He's using places like that demon bank we held the attack off at."

"Interesting and protected," Stephen decided. "If you should hear one's been opened, let me know?"

"Of course. There's no telling what he's got stored in there. For all I know he entombed a few of the hell gods he fought and they're in one."

He shivered suddenly. "That would be something I could expect," he admitted. He got patted by her and Mortimer. "Thank you both." He stood up with a groan. "Come, let's get you some water. You're still shaky from low blood sugar."

"I just need a nap."

"You can have that couch again," he said. "Loki?"

"I can make my own way back," he assured them. Dawn tidied things and went to her favorite napping spot. Stephen watched Loki walk out and into SHIELD waiting on him. They took him back to the tower and his incarcerating bathroom. Stephen shook his head, making notes in his journal for later Sorcerer Supremes. Hopefully he'd outlive Dawn so no one else had to have the headache he had from her powers. Though a note popped into being on his desk suggesting that if he was going to take Dawn as a wife he should probably help her dress better. He crumpled it and burned it as it hit the trash can. Some of his friends needed mental help. They truly needed it more than her sister did.

***

Xander blinked awake as someone cleared their throat at the foot of the infirmary bed. He blinked at Buffy, then shrugged, nudging his sister. "Buffy's here, Sis."

"Fuck her, I'm sleeping," she mumbled, curling into his shoulder.

"My sister said she's sleeping," he told her.

Buffy grimaced. "Why are you sleeping with your sister? I thought you said you weren't into that."

"Because she's injured and needed cuddles from a guy who's not a shithead like the one that hurt her," he said bluntly, staring at her. "Dawn's not here."

"Why not?"

"Because she's off doing things," he said dryly. "With Mortimer probably."

She grimaced. "I hate that little thing." He shrugged one-sidedly. She huffed. "I got told about battles the slayers never heard about, Xander."

"Yeah, because they weren't there," he shot back, shrugging one shoulder again. "Did you want me to ignore it because there wasn't a slayer there?"

"That's not your job."

"Shut up. It's my job if I make it my job. Or if it attacks me. If I'm the only one there to handle things, I'm damn sure going to handle things, Buffy. Did you want humanity to end? I can go back and stop myself if I need to." She glared. He stared her down until she took a step back. "Any other comments before I go talk to people about my new evil empire?"

"You can't do that. That's comic book stuff."

"And yet we're in the infirmary ward of Avengers tower," he said dryly. "Which means that usually these beds hold people who go out in spandex and body armor with weird weapons to save humanity. Thankfully my sister works with them as a science assistant so she's only in here due to a bad date."

Clint leaned in. "She okay yet?" he asked. "I made coffee."

Darcy blinked at him. "I give blowjobs for really good coffee so did you make it your usual way, Stark's usual way, or did you buy it so it's good?"

Clint snorted but grinned. "I'd never expect a blow job for coffee, Darcy. Breakfast...." He walked a cup in. "It's Stark strength." She moaned, sitting up to take the cup so she could sniff it then inhale it. He looked at Xander. "Did you need some?"

"No, I'm okay. Thanks, Agent Barton. And for babying my sister."

"Welcome. Are you feeling better? Bruce wanted to see why the energy was eating you this time."

"It was probably fighting against all the hellmouth taint I carry."

"I'll tell him that and watch him walk off mumbling about them again. He really hates those holes of radiation." He nodded politely at Buffy then left so she could complain. He was the only one in the tower right now thanks to a press event so he was listening to the security feed with Hill. He'd have to beat her to throwing someone off the balcony this time if they started to brawl in there.

Buffy stared at Xander and Darcy. "Why did a hottie like that bring you coffee?" she asked Darcy.

"Because Clint's a really nice friend sort," she told her. "He's very considerate and knows I'm missing coffee since I'm in here. Hopefully I get to rest in my own apartment later on tonight so I'm no longer missing coffee and regular food." She looked at Xander. "I can see the minion you asked to protect us still here?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, he's stopped a few people trying to get you and Jane in the last day or so."

She grimaced. "That's weird."

"No, that's AIM," he said dryly. "They want your Jane. I'd really like their weapons vault. I'm not sure how we can handle that."

She patted him on the cheek. "I can ask the guys if they'd like AIM's vault instead."

He nodded. "That'd be okay. I'm still kinda sore from the battle in Oregon." She hugged him. "Did you get to see Brea's battle?" he asked Buffy.

"Yes. Then I yelled at her for slacking that way." She crossed her arms over her chest. "Why didn't we hear about your sister in Sunnydale?"

"Because you wouldn't have cared," he said then shrugged and grinned. "You thought I was really pitiful and pathetic. I'm better than that so I just let you have your opinions and went on with my duty as needed." She glared. He stared back. "Anything else? We were going to do another season of the show with the demon hunters and the cool car. Darcy and I should go do that but I need a car again." Darcy poked him, making him poke her back to tickle her. She yelped and got away from him, making him smirk at her. "Ha! Got you, you poker."

Darcy swatted him but looked amused. "Let me go nag the nurse about food." She went to find one and nag them. No nurse. No doctor and no nurse. "Huh." She looked around. "Hey, JARVIS, did everyone run away from my hair that needs brushed?" No answer. "Aw, fuck. Xander, JARVIS isn't answering."

"He's not my special non-tangible friend," Xander said, getting out of bed. Buffy blushed and turned her back since he was wearing boxer briefs. He slid into clothes and then his shoes, handing Darcy a bathrobe to go over the cute shorts set pajamas she had on. "He's a really nice guy but he only tells me that you're napping when I ask."

"J's usually got my back about most stuff," Darcy admitted. They looked around that floor. "Okay, Clint should probably be on the main floor," she mumbled, heading for the elevator. "Hey, Minion guy, we might need backup. All the nurses and docs are gone."

"I can help you easily enough, miss," he agreed, putting down the magazine and following them. Buffy followed him, making him smile at her. "My actual boss leant me to Xander to watch his sister while he saved your slayers."

"I heard about him saving them but not that he asked for miniony help," Buffy said. "I didn't know Xander knew anyone who had minions."

"He's really kinda good in bed," Xander said. Then he shot a grin at her. "He's all sorts of cuddly too when I ask." The minion smiled at that. "And he makes really nice breakfasts." She scowled at him but oh well. They got onto the elevator. "Labs, main floor, or security's floor, Darce?" he asked.

"Labs. I woke up when Stark grabbed your bag last night to see what else you had hidden." He nodded, letting her select the floor button to push. It only took a few seconds to go down to the lab floor. Everything was locked down tight and no people. Darcy looked around slowly. "We're not this silent even during a lockdown," she muttered, heading for a lab. She got the lab door open and then Xander did the same to the lab where he could see his bag of tricks. He handed her two weapons and got another one for himself plus his blessed axe. He handed the minion bullets and Buffy a short sword. She grimaced but took it. "If you're coming with us, you're helping," Darcy told her. They hiked off again, taking the back stairs up to the other lab floor. There were people there trying to get into a lab. "Hey," Darcy said. "Who're you?"

One of them stared at her. "Who do you think you are, missy?"

"I think I'm one of the lab assistants," she said bluntly. "And I think you're trying to break into a lab so I'd back the fuck down before I call Stark security or SHIELD. Now, produce ID or leave the building."

"You don't own us." Xander stepped up and one of the group backed away, shaking his head slowly. "Who're you?" that guy demanded.

He grinned. "Xander. Former Council. Are you like the agents that tried to detain me when I was rushing to my sister's side?" One of the trio tried to pounce him but he batted them into a glass wall. The other two ran off. Darcy and the minion followed while Xander checked the rest of the floor. No one else trying to break in. They tied up the guys in the elevator and went up to the main floor. No one. Including Barton. He and Darcy shared a look then she went to check usual hanging out places.

She found Clint asleep on the couch. Xander checked him over, shaking his head. "Nerve pinch," he noted. He took his earphone out and wiped it off then stuck it into his ear. "Hey," he said at the ranting person. "Who're you? Oh, Hill. Barton's knocked out on some sort of couch, we have three people tied up in the elevators that we found trying to break into a lab floor, and one was already scared of me, and we need to know where to go search. Yeah but I'm here so I'm helping. Get over it. No one and nothing endangers my sister without my judging them and then killing the ones who deserve it. Now, where?" He listened then looked at Darcy. "Thor's room?"

"It's up here," she agreed, leading the way. "Why are we going to break in on Jane and Thor's room?"

"Jane's knocked out."

"Oh, greatness!" She opened the door and ran over to check on Jane, who was knocked out like Barton. "She's breathing and all that." Xander checked and nodded she'd be fine. "Okay, what's going on?" She took the earbud. "What's going on, Hill? Because they're getting my foot up their ass, Hill. So what the hell is going on? A team...where's Bucky? I know what day it is and I figure most of the team is at the press thing but I know Bucky doesn't go to those. Any idea? Okay. Sure. I can try to find him." She tapped it off and looked at the minion. Who shrugged. "Can you stay with Jane for me please? She's the lady rebuilding the Bifrost and people want to kidnap her really hard."

"I can do that, Miss."

"Thank you." She patted him on the arm as she walked past him, heading for somewhere Bucky might be hiding. There were a lot of safe areas in the tower but Bucky seemed to be like Clint and like higher up spaces and tighter ones. It had to be a sniper thing. They ran into two agents and she tried to kick butt, she really did, but didn't succeed as well as hoped. "I really need to be possessed by Natasha for a few hours," she complained as her brother saved her. "That way I could be super scary and kick ass like a lady."

"I can see if the slayer spirit likes you," Buffy offered.

Darcy looked at her. "Xander already told me she likes me. Told me I'm plucky." Buffy shivered. They went to the range, which had the accessory armory attached to it. No Bucky in direct sight. She slowly looked around the various hiding spots for various shot practice, and pranking times. Xander grabbed her wrist and pointed. "Yeah. Bucky, it's Darcy. Can you come down?" No answer. "Shit. C'mon, Bucky. It's the nice lady that made you buy real jeans." She put up her weapons and went to climb up but Xander stopped her and went up to see if he could get to Barnes. An agent rushed in and it wasn't someone she knew so she shot the gun she had at him. He fell down groaning and moaning while holding his arm. "Shut up. You're loud and whiny," she told him.

"You really are related to Xander," Buffy said, staring at her. "Wow."

Darcy shot her a dirty look. "It's the great part of the bloodlines that makes us smart, mouthy, and capable, Buffy." Xander yelped but Bucky came out of hiding. Darcy hurried up and pounced Bucky's back, making him shift to throw her off. It'd hurt when she hit the floor so she hung on his neck while Xander got him down. "Hey! Keep that up and I won't buy you any more wings, mister. Or show you the better donut shops."

Xander managed to hit Bucky on the head, making him moan and go down to one knee. "Don't make me hurt you for real for hurting my sister." He helped Darcy off him. "You back to yourself?" Bucky stared up at him. "Hi. You okay again?" He shook his head. "I can bat you on the head again if you want and it'll help." Bucky stood up, looming over him. Xander smiled. "Wow, that's almost flirty of you. Is this really the time for flirty moments? If so, I'll gladly break some stress with you." Darcy hit him on the arm and moved to kiss Bucky until he broke and moaned, grabbing her by the butt. "Sure, you're more into girls. I get that and it's nice. Darcy could use someone nice. And I heartily approve of it if she does it for you as long as you never hurt her. Because I found a nuke that's turned off I'll gladly shove up your ass if you're mean to my sister."

Bucky pulled away, glaring at Darcy. "That could've gotten you hurt."

She grinned. "It's a bucket list item, Bucky. Had to be done before you scowled yourself into sleeping with my brother." She hit Xander on the arm. "No nuking a bad boyfriend, Xander. Unless I end up in the ICU or something. Then you can shove that nuke up his ass and set it off."

"I can do that," he agreed, grinning at her. "C'mon. We've gotten a few agents. Someone knocked out Barton and Jane. We have Buffy helping us." Xander head-nodded to the right. "Coming with?"

"Yeah, I can do that," he agreed, taking the gun from Darcy. She took it back and Xander handed him his spares. "That'll work." They left together, Buffy following. "Summers, go guard Barton and Jane," he ordered. "These are bad humans and you don't handle humans from what we've heard about slayers."

"I can do that," she agreed. "I know nothing about bad people except the ones that picket the house and try to hurt the minis." She ran off to go back up to guard the hotty on the couch.

Xander grinned. "Thanks," he mouthed. They found the other agents and took them down. With a bit of help from a female body that squealed and came over to pounce Xander once everyone was knocked down and out. He grinned down at her. "Thank you, Melodia."

"You're welcome," she chirped. "You're very hot with the gun, Xander."

He smiled. "I kinda am, yes." He kissed her again. "I've got to make sure these ones don't try for my sister."

Melodia looked Darcy over, whistling. "We thought you were a date with how he cuddled you so we were going to offer you a spot in his harem but since you're his sister I'll make sure some of the harem might like to sleep with you too." She bounded off. "There's only a few more and the security teams are handling them. I knocked out Buffy too, dear." She blew a kiss before getting on the elevator and disappearing.

Xander rubbed the back of his neck since his sister was staring at him. "Kinda like the other one that tried to invade here but she's a lot sweeter and nicer."

"Uh-huh." She patted him on the arm. "I love meeting some of your lovers, Xander. They're cute and interesting people." He blushed, ducking his head. "And if they hurt you the way you think mine will some day hurt me, I'll borrow that nuke to get them too."

"I can do that. Or we can make some that're specifically built into butt plugs. I even have the recipe for a chemical explosive that won't burn their insides if we enema them with it first."

"That might be interesting to see," she agreed, grinning at him as they walked off.

Bucky watched them go. "I don't want to know what you're talking about but that sounds really evil."

Xander grinned. "I'm going to start an evil empire to support myself and my big sister. I'm working on my methodology and recruitment strategies right now so I don't get lame asses like AIM or HYDRA did. You wanna join? I can find you a great, high up spot that may pay in sex hours for a bit but it'll be fun."

"We'll see," he said, following those two while they talked about recruiting strategies for his future evil cult. He'd moan but that might alert them that he had to plan to stop them. Or maybe sacrifice Steve to sleep with the siblings so they were normal for a bit.

*** (sent to list's archive to here)

Stark finally managed to break into his own security system, giving the rest of the team access to the building. "JARVIS," he called. "Override 331254dan."

"Sir," the AI said quietly. "Thank you. That was most disturbing."

"Welcome, J. Who's where and how bad is it?"

"The two teams, and one helpful former lover, have mostly cleared the menace to everyone's safety but there's three left on the labs floors. Ms. Hill has advised the others to let her handle it with her team. The others are figuring out who the menaces are in the weight lifting gym thanks to Sergeant Barnes. Miss Lewis and her brother are both taunting another menacing being by letting a tiny demon nibble on his ears. He's screaming and crying like it's really going to kill him." He cleared his virtual throat. "Doctor Foster is being guarded by the nice guard that came to help Xander guard his sister. Agent Barton is waking up and trying to avoid some flirting from Miss Summers."

"Dawn?" Natasha asked.

"No, Buffy," the AI said. "She thinks he's hot."

"He is, People Magazine said so," Stark quipped. "Elevators?"

"Working, sir."

"Thanks, J." He went up to help the lab assault be ended. It was his labs, he was going to defend it. Only he got to break the labs. The security team had all but one person that was locked in a closet. Stark walked over to nudge the team out of the way and forced the door open. "Hi. Only I get to break my lab. So who the hell are you?"

"We will win!" he shouted and started to move. Hill tazed him.

Stark looked at her. "Nice shot. Are you a Lewis now too?"

"Sometimes simpler weapons are more reasonable," she said sarcastically. "We're not sure who they're with yet."

"JARVIS said that they're interrogating in the weight gym," Stark said.

She motioned to bring those ones to that gym and she followed. It was apparently going to be a fun, messy night in there. They could hear the girlish screaming before they got near the gym. She walked in first and found the man having a screaming meltdown from the two demons nibbling on his extremities. She looked at Harris, who grinned at her. "You let Summers go flirt with Barton?"

"They're humans," he said with a hand wave at the beings on the floor. "She can't do more than sneer and kick a bit when it's humans."

"Point. We can handle it with Romanoff, Barnes."

He looked at her. "Shut up. I don't take orders from you, Hill." He looked at the begging man then at Xander and Darcy. "You two let me work."

"Yup, no need to see that," Xander said. "Had it nearly happen to me, not wanting those nightmares to come back," he agreed as he pulled Darcy from the room. "I'm going to get her checked out of the infirmary and into her apartment again."

Darcy looked up at him. "Who tortured you?" she demanded.

"They're kinda dead," he quipped with a grin for her. "Mostly. A few minions but the main guy who hated that I was working with girls to save their asses are gone."

"Oh, that sort. Failed men," she said with a nod. "I hope they died pretty hard then. They deserve it."

"Yeah they kinda did," Xander agreed. They ran into a nurse, who gave them a funny look. "I'm bringing her back so she can get discharged. Can she go home so I can make her dinner? Especially since she didn't get breakfast."

"We'll check her over one last time then probably send her home," the nurse said, taking them back to the infirmary. "Any new injuries?" They both shook their heads. "Good!" The doctors checked the siblings over and let them go up to Darcy's apartment but told her she'd have to check in sometime in the morning just in case. She agreed and skipped off to eat real food and drink real coffee.

Stark knocked on the door a few hours later, looking at Xander. "I don't think anyone's created a nuke that'll fit in a butt plug, Xander."

He grinned. "You never know. It's not that complicated anymore."

"It really is."

"Why not?" Darcy asked. "It'd be easier to use so why hasn't someone like our enemies come up with one? And what's the difference between that and a dirty bomb?"

"Dirty bombs just spew radiation," Tony told her. "It's an explosive plus radioactive material. A nuclear weapon has the uranium or whatever as the explosive."

"Oh!" She nodded. "So we can't actually shrink one that size?"

He stared at her, then sighed. "I have no idea if someone's working on it but that's really mean, Lewis."

"Well, yeah, but do those sort care about meanness? I mean, one of them tried to use a dog as a suicide bomber the other day."

"True, I saw that footage," he agreed. He looked at Xander. "That chemical explosive?" Xander grinned. "Unh-unh. No. That could help us and I want a copy, Xander."

"I've already put it into the vault, Stark."

"Uh-huh. Still. Tomorrow, Harris. It could be important that I find a way to disable it before it hits here."

"It's in the vault in LA, Stark."

"Can you get it sent out?"

"No and me showing up there will not only cause a panic but could also get me banned from the bank." Darcy poked him on the arm. "They know why I've got that vault, Darce."

"I get that," she agreed. "You didn't keep it in your notes?"

"Well...." He frowned. "I don't know. I do keep a list if those sort of things in case I need to make something suddenly for an apocalypse battle." He went to dig out his journal and personal book. Then the other one, tossing it at Stark. "My personal classification manual."

"Thanks." He flipped through it, staring at a few notes with his head tipped. "Why did you note they were fun?"

"They're hippies," he said with a grin. "They were having a music festival. The other one that has that note likes to be tortured lightly, it's like tickling for us to them. They showed up and asked the slayer I was working with to hurt them a tiny bit for an important celebration."

Stark blinked a few times, nodding slowly. "Okay, good to know." Xander dug around to pull out something else. Tony took them all to go to the lab and look them over. Plus to scan in most of the non-personal information. What Darcy had found about Xander's African trip, nothing on what had actually happened because half of this wasn't noted in those notes she had gotten off him. Hill walked in. "He didn't give me permission to share."

"Fine." She looked at the classification manual, nodding at a few notes. "Interesting." She wiped her fingers off and handed it back. "Let me know if you find pertinent and relevant information." She left, going to her office to finish the paperwork on the clean up. She could shudder about Harris later.

Stark kept reading and noting anything about weapons, wondering where they were all stored. Then he ran into a huge battle. "They were all used," he read. "Oh, crap." He looked up that battle online. It was locked in the country's files so he had to hack a tiny bit. He was good at it too. He got the full, uncut footage from their servers and saved it down to look at later. They needed to formulate how to handle it as a team instead of relying on the slayers and Harris. Stark sat up, staring at one section again. "How did he come back to life?" he asked the journal. He flipped the page and found that, wincing at the reason. "Fuck me sideways," he mumbled, rereading it. "Damn it."

Xander strolled in, taking the book to close and stare at him. "No, she doesn't know. No one knows. No one will know," he said firmly, staring at him.

"Who brought you back?"

"Janus." He shrugged. "I was needed to end that battle. I wasn't fully dead, I was more in stasis due to magic. Freaked me out some but we managed it." He gave him a pointed look. "Why do you need to know so much?"

"Because some day soon you and the slayers will be dead, permanently dead. Then what?"

Xander nodded. "Then another slayer gets called. There's potentials." Stark slumped. "It's on automatic even if the Powers That Be are ended. To stop the progression of the calling would take a huge, powerful sacrifice of multiple slayers. We'd realize it if all of them suddenly started to die off again. We'd be left with about five if they did that but it would allow the calling to be changed. No one wants that outside some greater evil things. They can't manage to get all the slayers within a solar month's time so we're pretty safe there."

Stark swallowed but nodded. "But they won't have anyone like you."

"Which the old timers will adore," Xander said with a grin and a nod. "They're going to have huge parties if and when I die."

"If?"

"If. I probably should've died in Kenya. Both times in Kenya." Stark slumped again, staring at him. "I'm the guy in the sentence 'someone's got to do it'. The girls hate that but yay. Someday some of them will grow up."

"You hope," Stark agreed. He stared at him. "We can take some of that duty from you."

"Please do. I really hate being in the US with the way the agents are trying to get me arrested for some reason recently. I'm not sure if it's HYDRA or a fear about the slayers or what. I was bothered by three within two days time, Stark, and I'm pretty sure only one wasn't there specifically for that reason. Just to sneer."

Stark nodded. "I can ask around."

"If you want. It'll hopefully make my sister safer. If I have to, I can go hide with some ex's or even people like Melodia. She'd help me do a lot of things that are needed."

Stark grimaced. "A harem sounds fun and all but it's a lot of work."

Xander grinned. "I have great stamina thanks to Anya." He winked and took his journal with him.

"Are there more weapons?"

Xander grinned. "Some, but not as many as there should be. I've had to use them an awful lot some years." He shrugged but grinned again. "Not like I have a powerful suit of armor or anything like that."

"The battle in Ogden."

Xander chuckled, nodding while smiling. "Not as bad as we thought it'd be actually. Not great but not that evil. Just wanted to be that evil."

Stark stared at him. "How many were worse than that?"

"Most of the bigger ones. A lot of times I had scared-to-death people as backup who wanted to pray away the demons for insulting their religious beliefs. That doesn't work real well when it's something coming here to attack us." He left.

Stark grimaced, searching out more information like those. He'd show Steve later. That way they had battle plans in case.

***

Xander had barely left before he had to come back the next time. "Thor," he said, shaking his hand. He got a smile back from him. "We must speak, Thor. Quietly and I do not bring happy news."

"What has happened? A battle in Asgard?"

"Lead me to somewhere private." Thor nodded, taking him to the meeting room. "First, you must never tell anyone about the news that Darcy shared with me," he said quietly.

"Many would welcome such knowledge," he said, starting to scowl.

Xander shook his head. "No they will not, Thor." He pulled out a scroll to put onto the table. "This is the bad news that I bring. A contact I have who has friends among the Vanir received word of a contract to bring you home at any cost."

"My father?" he demanded.

"I know not." He pointed at the scroll. "That is what was put out there. I also know that there's a great consideration that humans are beneath the Prince of Asgard." Thor stared at him, not touching the scroll. "Thor, my contact was one of Heimdall's contacts," he said quietly. "This one speaks in your father's name." He pushed the scroll closer. "If they knew of my sister, they would handily take her out as it was proof that you were being warped by your time down here among the mortals."

Thor took the scroll to open and read, frowning greatly at it. "That is not my father's handwriting," he admitted. "Though it is signed in his name." He looked up. "The Council?"

"I don't know. The one that gave it to me didn't know the originating source but it says that the handsome reward has been placed into a trunk."

Thor reread it. "Wait here. I wish to speak to my brother and Lady Jane."

"I can do that. I warned Darcy already. Just in case my phone was tapped."

Thor nodded. "That is wise. I would not want them harmed." He was frowning as he walked off, going to the lab floor. He found his brother relaxing in the shower stall on some created pillows with a snack of popcorn. "We must speak, Brother." He closed the door behind himself. "News has come down through circuits from Asgard."

"Am I to be put to death?" Loki asked dryly, smirking at him.

"Nay, they wish to kill Jane and Darcy." He handed over the scroll. "Who would have wrote that?"

Loki looked at it, grimacing as he read. "That is stupidly foul, but the Council has that power, Thor. As do some of the cousins you have."

"We have, Brother. Even adopted you are still my brother." He stared at him. "Can you tell which one? Or even if it is true? It was passed to Darcy's brother by roundabout means."

"Call your friends, Thor," he said, staring up at him. "They would be able to tell you if they had heard and they should visit with your intended. Especially since I have heard that the peaceful local demons have wished you much wealth from her womb."

"I know she is not ready for that yet." He took the scroll back. "Could it be true?"

Loki nodded. "If it was a fake, it wouldn't have the seal." Thor slumped, staring at him. "Why they would start suddenly I do not know."

"Unless they heard of that blessing?"

"Or they heard that she had nearly carried a child but the magic against her was effective that time." Thor slumped more. "I know not how to help you with that while down here, Thor, and I doubt us being up there would make it more safe for anyone. There are people down here who would take Jane to see if your relations warped her any."

"I have heard." He nodded. "Come talk with us. This is sneaky thinking that I do not have but you excel at." Loki got up, changing his clothes with a thought and some magic. They went up to the lab and Thor leaned into Jane's lab. "Jane, Darcy, we must speak with your brother. Come please?"

Darcy looked at him. "Huge shit? Like you have to go be crowned huge shit?"

"Worse," he admitted. "Please?" They closed up everything and went with him up to the conference room, where Steve Rogers was asking Xander about a few local species. "Steven, we must speak."

"This looks bad, Thor. Can I help?"

"I know not yet," he admitted quietly. "It is that bad though."

Steve nodded, patting him on the arm. "Let me know where I can help." He left them to talk.

"What happened?" Jane asked. Thor sighed and handed over the scroll. Loki cast the translation charm for them, letting it hover over the parchment scroll. "Oh God."

Darcy looked at her brother. "This is why they shouldn't realize?" He nodded. "You knew this when?"

"Earlier today. I knew it wasn't a good idea for that information to get out because it would lead to snotty whore syndrome landing on top of you."

"Snotty whore syndrome?" Jane asked.

"You remember those girls that got really mad if the less popular kids were prettier or had things they wanted and thought were cool?" Darcy asked her. Jane nodded. "That's snotty whore syndrome. In this case it means they'd be jealous I could do things they couldn't." She flopped into a chair. "Any idea if it's been taken up?"

"I got it from a friend who is Vanir," Xander said. "One Heimdall introduced me to."

"Shit," Darcy said.

"Yeah," he agreed, nodding. "This is not the news I wanted to bring. I wanted to be the bearer of glad tidings since the local community has sent a blessing on your marriage bed to have a wealth from Jane's womb." Jane shivered. "Then this fell into my lap with a note from my contact." He pulled out the note to hand over to Thor.

"No one would have told our friends," Thor admitted, considering it.

Loki looked at him. "You have school friends, Thor. Many related to the Council."

"I do. I..." He pushed his hair back then sighed. "This is not a good thing to have happen."

"Are they careful enough to not hit anyone extra?" Jane asked quietly. Thor stared at her. "Would they use a surgical strike like a sniper or just blow up a building?"

"Or summon a huge monster," Xander suggested.

"There are ways around the nine realms through portals that do not go near the Bridge," Loki said.

Xander nodded. "I know. I know some dwarves who came that way to get away from politics. They fixed my special axe twice now and did a fantastic job healing her."

Darcy patted him on the hand. "Why would they come for me?"

"Because you keep Jane going," he said, grinning at her. "She's your friend and you've been on the possible high risk hostage list for years now, Darce. Against me, against Jane and the team here." His sister winced but nodded. "I don't know how to get around this. If I knew who had started it I could suggest more strategies but it would be a battle of honor instead of sneaking in and stabbing them while they slept. Or poisoning them with a succuba."

Thor scowled. "That is without honor, Xander."

"Sometimes you gotta be less than honorable," he shot back. "It wouldn't be the first time I bribed a succuba to go take out a target I couldn't get to."

"We have no way of telling such," Loki admitted, considering it.

"Natasha's probably done that sort of job in the past," Darcy admitted. "They never expect that sort of happy ending." Loki nodded that was true. She looked at him. "Though if you cause Jane problems I might send one at you. Maybe three or four so you don't know when it's the last one." She smiled.

"I sent one with a seriously bad case of VD she was clearing into a war camp," Xander said proudly. "She had a lot of fun spreading it around to clear it from her system. She even accelerated it so it gave them bad problems sooner. Within six months that whole camp was sick enough that they were ordered to take themselves out so it wouldn't spread to other units." He smirked at Loki. "I believe one of your priests was there because I heard him moaning about how that happened."

"I heard," he admitted, looking smug. "It was an inspired plan. Little risk and you could free the hostages better as their brains were being rotted by their diseases."

Thor shook his head quickly. "It's not the way of honorable combat but I know Xander dealt with things that honor had nothing to do with." Xander nodded at that. "What would be the easiest way of them doing things without tipping their hands?"

"Hiring an assassin," Xander said. "They usually won't give up clients and if they're in touch with the realm down here, there's the Order of Taraka. Demon and not assassin's guild."

Thor blinked at him. "I have heard that name." He looked at Jane, who was staring out the window. He looked to make sure there wasn't a threat. He patted over her hair then looked at his brother.

"I concur. They would hire someone quietly efficient. As a second point they could summon a few larger things that would possibly take out the team as well. Thereby robbing you of any help."

Thor sat down, sighing at the end. "I can see that happening. We have had some stupidly weird attacks." He rubbed his forehead, looking at Xander. "Is there other news?"

"Two things. The dwarf princess I helped save? She's being married soon and you're probably going to be an invitation. Which would be a safe trip to meet people at." Thor smiled slightly and nodded. "And the fact that there's been a breach from Asgard itself because I had a vision last night about a shiny gold building having a sudden new doorway and three beings sneaking out." He slid down his journal.

Thor read it. "That is not the prison at least. That is the Hall of Warriors."

"Like the ones that're frozen by mythology?" Jane asked. "Held in stasis to later defend Valhalla?"

"No, that building's white and silver," Xander said. Darcy glared at him. "What?" he asked patiently.

"How do you know?"

"Because I was there twice," he admitted. "And then there was Janus, who said I had things I had to do." She stood up so fast her chair tipped over. "Calm down, Darcy. Really. Please?"

"Excuse me? You fucking died and you want me to be calm!"

He pulled her over to hug her. "I got better and it was a huge battle that was sicced on me. They would've destroyed everything." She struggled so he cuddled her. "I'm sorry you didn't hear. I didn't want to worry you."

"Are you immortal?" Jane asked. Xander shook his head. "Then why did he bring you back?"

"Because no one else would stop humanity from dying at that moment," he told her simply. "I kept waking up in a hospital and then got told I had suddenly realived myself."

Darcy pulled back to look at him. "Why you?"

"Because if necessary I can create the thing that would end humanity," he reminded her. "And that may just end up saving it some year soon. Dawn and I are important for that, Darce." She slapped him. He cuddled her again, holding her hands in her lap. "I get enough of that from slayers who realize I saved their asses." Thor was giving him an odd look. "The first was with Alanthanor." Thor shuddered and so did Loki. "Someone woke him up. He was not a happy evil deity. The other was Percator," he finished more quietly. "I had to go back by two days to stop him before he set off the demon imbibed disease that would have taken out everyone. He was tricked into releasing it but I hated to stop him. I kinda miss him even though he was tricked into releasing it."

Thor stared at him. "That is bad." Xander nodded. "Was it stopped?"

"Yeah. I got there in time to stop the trickster trying to make him release it by killing it in front of him. He looked at the bloody goo now splattered on him then realized it was purple. He looked up at me and asked if that was really necessary. So I showed him what my phone had taped from a few days from then. The bottle was keyed to his essence and he demanded I take him out to make it safe. It's locked away very heavily." He grinned. "Unless I have to release it on Asgard to avenge my sister." She slapped him again. He held her hands down again. "You know I will."

"Uh-huh." Darcy looked at Thor. "I wouldn't let him do that. I'd so nag from the afterlife."

Thor smiled slightly, nodding. "You do fuss very well, Darcy." He looked at Jane, taking her hand to hold. "We will figure this out."

"Yes we can," she agreed, staring at him. "I don't want to get you killed, Thor." Xander coughed something and Darcy squeaked. "What was that?" Jane demanded.

"I said EPT," Xander said, staring at her. "Like soon. You're glowing, Jane." Her eyes went wide and a hand went to her abdomen. Darcy got up to drag Jane with her. He looked at Thor, who was a bit smug. "I wouldn't share that news either. There's stupid humans like the NID idiots." Thor nodded at that. "If you need my help you only have to ask, Thor."

"I will. Are you going to escape before your sister swats you again?"

"Yup. She's already given me claw marks with those slaps." He handed down the notice of blessing and picked up his backpack to leave quickly. He could hear Jane fussing in the hallway.

Thor looked at it then handed it down to Loki for him to look at. Loki smiled, handing it back. "How do I protect her?"

"That you get help for, Thor. You have those who will help you and they would be in much the same straights." Thor nodded at that, slumping in his seat. "Are you not pleased?"

"Aye, but I cannot foresee her moving up our nuptials due to the child. Mother would have been peeved."

Loki smirked. "Perhaps but a grandchild would soothe such tempers. Even hers." Thor nodded that was true. "I will make contact with those I know. You call down the Warriors Three and Sif. They would gladly guard that which is yours. Both of them." Thor nodded, going to call on Heimdall to find them. Loki looked up and mentally swore about his adopted father's people. How stupid they were and petty on top of it. Though many would do horrific things in the name of power. "Maybe I should take over Asgard instead of Midgard. It seems weaker than the various messes down here." He got up and went to call his people over that amusing phone network. It was quaint but not traceable with Asgard technology.

***

Darcy leaned into the lab. "Hey, Thor wants a team meeting," she called over the music. "ASAP, super important plus news, guys." Bruce and Tony looked at her. "Like now now. Hurry up. I have to get Pepper and Hill." She walked off. They shared a look and wiped off the grease they had on them before going up to the main living area. Thor had the meeting set up in the conference room, so that was weird. Darcy came back with Pepper and Hill followed a minute later. Darcy counted heads then closed and sealed the door. "JARVIS, we need total privacy, no one can hear or see it later, and it's going to be a lot of yelling."

"I understand, Darcy," the AI said patiently. "I heard earlier. Congratulations, Lord Thor, and I hope you can mitigate that disaster."

"Thank thee, JARVIS," he said. He was standing almost totally stiff and still. They were all staring at him. "We have two problems. One comes from home. Loki has managed to talk to those who would hear the darker corner's speeches." He tossed the scroll onto the table. "And this becomes greater of importance as we need to move our nuptials up so my future child is legitimate and no one can say anything later."

Pepper took the scroll to look at, frowning at the virtual display that popped up above it to translate it. "Did your father sign this order?" she asked, handing it off.

"Nay. The Council behind him did. They speak in his name in this case." He looked at Jane then at the others. "I fear we will all be harmed by this and I do not know how to mitigate it without running like a cowardly child."

"Would they take Jane out if she's pregnant?" Natasha asked. Jane nodded. "We're sure?"

"Yep," Darcy said. "We asked Heimdall too and he warned Jane to be healthy and hale but cautious. This gave them more reason."

"That's foul," Steve said. "But I guess it's not the first time people have wanted a throne and taken out the heirs."

"If the throne does not pass onto someone of the blood of Odin, anointed and claimed by him, then the protections on Asgard fall," Thor said. "That is why I'm not in danger."

Jane shifted. "Also, this may not be the only baby. We were blessed by the local demon community with a wealth from my womb."

Steve grinned. "Babies have a way of making things look different from what I've seen." She nodded. "Would it matter if it was a girl instead of a boy?"

Thor considered it. "They may claim a first born female to be a bad omen but they would leave it be once a son came into being. We have much equality except in the throne's sitter."

"So we need to protect Jane and Darcy," Clint said. Thor nodded. "We need to expect to be attacked by that sort so you're more alone. Anything we're missing that we have to figure out?"

"I'm told there's humans who would want to take the child as an experiment," Thor said.

"Yes there are," Hill agreed. "And if I see them they're getting blown away, Thor. We can up security around your family." Thor smiled and nodded once.

"Sure, two fucked up groups instead of one," Clint agreed, nodding slightly. "Any idea of methods or timing?"

"Xander thought that they might hire an assassin," Darcy said. "Or they might magically summon something huge for us to fight."

"People like that don't fight their own battles," Natasha said, considering it. "Could you sidestep it with a battle for honor or some such?" Thor shrugged, sitting down finally. "Hmm. Then we will compare options and be aware of how bad this can be. I'm assuming we're considering Darcy to be a target to get Jane and Thor into the open?"

"I don't like the idea that I'm about to become a bimbo girlfriend from a comic book," Darcy said. "Then my brother pointed out people might take me to get back at him too." She rolled her eyes. "By the way I need to smite my little brother a tiny bit soon. Just avoid the yelling fit, people."

"We gladly will," Steve said with a smile for her. "What did he do this time?"

"He didn't tell me he had been revived. Twice." Steve winced. "Yeah!" She nodded. "I'm *so* going to smite him for not telling me."

"We can lock you two in a gym," Stark assured her. "It might help him get closer to normal again."

"Normal's relative, Stark," she quipped. "Look at how normal we all are."

"Point." He looked at Thor. "I can increase the security protocols so they're stricter. Hill can train some of the guards to be tougher." She nodded, making her notes. "We can make sure Jane and Darcy don't go anywhere alone if we think it'll help."

"It was suggested I bring down my friends to help me," Thor said.

"Hey, we've got a few spare apartments," Tony said with a nod and a smile. "If that's what you need, then you need their help. They'd know more about what could be coming from your home than we would." Thor relaxed and nodded. "Besides, I wanted to flirt with Sif to see if she blushes."

Darcy looked down at him, shaking her head. "I tried, she doesn't. Even if you suggest filthy encounters sexually she'll just smile and ask when's a good time."

"Cool. We need more blunt people around here." He looked at Bruce then at Jane. "Have you seen any of our docs?"

"Not yet," she admitted. "I had JARVIS scan me earlier." She looked at Darcy. "What did you do that made your brother panic and tell you to never speak of it again?"

"Um...." She looked around then got up and walked over to where Thor's hammer was sitting on the table. "Hey, MewMew, can I kinda move you for a minute?" She picked up the hammer and it hummed in her hand then she put it down in front of Thor. "That way you're not in the sun, little one. Thor's got to condition your leather strap, it's getting dried out." She sat down.

Steve cleared his throat. "Oh, well...." He looked around then at her. "Congratulations. We all tried."

She smiled. "MewMew's sentient. She might not be fully wise and able to self will things but she's a smart lady and last night I was polishing her when I found her on my table."

"I had left her when I felt the desire to pounce my intended," Thor admitted, looking at Jane, who was blushing.

"Little brother thinks that the same sort would see me able to do that as warping," Darcy told the group. "That he and MewMew had been warped by being down here."

Stark looked at her. Then he shook his head with a sigh. "Yeah, we won't tell anyone you can do the cleaning stuff for her." Thor called his hammer a female so he'd go with that. He looked at the closed shades on the window. "So we need to find an OB for Jane. We need to put up a lot more protections. Should we ask someone like Strange?" Thor nodded slowly, considering it. "I can do that."

"I've asked Dawn about ones that she could do," Darcy admitted. "She squealed about needing pregnancy protecting rune wards. She'll be up this weekend to do those before she goes to Spain."

"Spain?" Hill demanded. "Why Spain?"

"Masters program for artifact stuff," Darcy quipped. "Her sister had a huge hissy."

"There's none in the US?"

"Russia and China," Darcy said with a smile.

"Then I think Spain would be good for her," she agreed, frowning some. "I'll pass that news along so she's not upset by anything over there. They might be more scared of Xander though."

"She's had some problems about Mortimer until she pointed out Mortimer wasn't an invasive species and wasn't really an animal. It was like her bringing in a vine plant that could only breed by planting some of it. She got her visa finally all worked out yesterday."

"Great," Hill agreed. She pulled out her tablet to tap out a message to someone. "Any other charming news?"

"One of the realived times, Xander had to take out a former lover he kinda still misses because he had been tricked into releasing a demon plague. Someone sent him back by two days to realive him and let him handle the trickster demon who was prompting it and set it to the guy's DNA." She looked at her. "He said it's very sealed up. So that's probably in the Barcelona vault. Which he said was a former Council storage vault so probably much safer than the other ones."

Hill's look at her had to be classified as unamused but horrified. There wasn't any other way to describe it. Darcy smirked and nodded. "The other one, Janus brought him back to life to finish the battle he had died in. The slayers are going to scream like hell when they hear he made it to Valhalla. Twice." Hill slumped. "Which is why I need to beat his ever living ass until he begs for forgiveness for not telling me this shit."

"We'll put privacy protocols on the gym we lock you two in the next time he shows up," Stark assured her. He looked at Bruce. "Could a demonic disease be destroyed?"

He shrugged. "No idea. I'd assume most of them could."

"Releasing it to make an antidote may activate it," Hill said. "We have a stolen sample of another one that isn't all that harsh but it's demonic flu. It has a case that will burn whoever touches it. HYDRA lost about ten people raiding that vault thanks to that self destruct mechanism."

"Jeez, that's nice," Steve said. "Can't we destroy them instead of keeping a sample?"

"Destroying the container would release it," Hill said. "It was discussed about sending it into space and having it launched toward the sun but we couldn't be certain it wouldn't land somewhere else and be picked up later."

"We have no way of destroying that sort of thing either," Thor admitted. "That I know of." He shook his head quickly. "It's nearly as bad as her brother sending in a diseased succuba to take out a militia band that was upsetting people." Darcy broke out in giggles. Thor shook his head again. "Then he promised to do such if Asgard hurt his sister."

"He is highly overprotective of her," Clint agreed sarcastically, glancing at Darcy, who shrugged.

"He pointed out I might get taken to get back at him too. Most of his ex's like that he has a sibling so I'm not sure which groups that would be. Hill, any ideas?"

"Many but I'd have to check to see which ones he's slept with. I'll try to make a list later for you. That way we're aware of the threat index." She looked at Jane. Then at Thor. "When will your friends be here? I'd like to arrange some sparring time against Sif to test myself."

"Hopefully soon. Heimdall sent for them." He smiled slightly. "She is a great warrior."

"She is and I'm highly impressed with her," Maria Hill agreed. "Even Nick Fury was impressed with her skills." Thor smiled and nodded once. "I'll get to work on the new protocols tonight." Everyone nodded. "Jane, I'll get you and Darcy emergency switches."

"I play with things in my pockets when I have them," Darcy warned. "I totally push buttons and wiggle things, Hill."

"I'll make sure it's got a dual switch then." She left, frowning on her way down to her office to call a security team leader meeting. She ran into Melinda May down there. "We have a huge problem."

"I saw the email about Summers going to Spain. Related?"

"Someone on Asgard doesn't want Thor's future heir to be born from a human." Melinda winced. "They have a nice price on her head to make sure of it."

"He's not going to be amused. He was slightly amused at the paperwork that got filed about Summer's pet."

"Mortimer's actually very comforting to her. He pets her hair and cuddles her all the time," Hill said dryly, smiling slightly. "He likes Darcy too."

Melinda May nodded. "Still really weird she has a tiny kraken as a pet."

"Apparently it helps when demonic assassins show up to take her out for Buffy. Her college had a few reports with him mentioned."

"Charming. Coulson will be having mylanta for dinner I'm sure." She and Hill shared a slight smile. "Can I help with the new protocols?"

"Please. We're going to have to hire some more guards too, just so Jane and Darcy aren't left unguarded. She just realized they might come for her to get her brother's attention."

"Oh, dear. To be that young and naive again," May said sarcastically. "Was she mentioned in that contract?" Hill nodded. "Crap."

"Her statement was a bit more filthy. I do need you to get the full files on what Harris has done. Including battles that he never noted to anyone. Especially the one where he died and got brought back by a chaos god to finish it. Please? His sister would like to know."

"I can try. Most of those were wiped."

"Stark found some on country specific servers."

"I'll see what I can do. It'd be a great movie night for the trainees." She got off the edge of the desk and shook Hill's hand. "Let me know where we can help." She left before anyone else spotted her.

Hill went to her called meeting. She shut the door behind herself. "We have to raise the protocols for the tower and the team due to a threat from Asgard. Some of Thor's friends are showing up to help but we're not sure how the threat will take place. It is specifically a threat against Jane Foster and/or Darcy Lewis."

***
Part 5 by Voracity2
Darcy leaned out of the kitchen, smiling at the mouthy young man that had just appeared. "Hey, Fandral. JARVIS, can you tell Thor he's here?" she asked, going back to making a sandwich. "Hungry and are the rest coming later?"

He blinked at her. "Lady Darcy." He smiled. "I was told he needed me but not why."

She nodded with a grin. "He'll need you even more to help when they get married in a hurry soon." She handed him a sandwich, kissing him on the cheek. "That's from my brother, who said you looked fetching in a veil." He spluttered. She grinned. "How did you meet my little brother Xander? And did it have anything to do with the naked Heimdall incident?"

"Oh, god," he moaned, shaking his head. "Not a mental image I needed, Lady Darcy." He looked at her. "The one with the axe is your brother?"

"Half brother," she agreed with a grin. "You'll have to tell me about the times you've met him so I can swat him greatly for getting into trouble I never heard about."

He nodded, stuffing his mouth before he could say a single word. Thor came out, looking amused. "Thor!" He hugged him one-armedly. "Well met."

"Well met. I see Darcy fed you."

"And passed on the cheek kiss my brother sent," she said smugly. "I need to hear what else he did so I can swat him again."

"We would be amused," Thor agreed. He looked at one of his oldest friends. "It is not happy tidings but yet it is." He handed over the scroll.

He unrolled it, letting Darcy take his plate and food back. "Oh, dear." He looked at Thor. "Now?"

"We're going to have to move up the wedding so it's a quickie one," Darcy said dryly, smiling at him.

"Post battle calming down," Thor coughed, blushing a tiny bit.

Fandral looked at him. "I remember your Jane Foster. She is comely and smart, Thor. She will make a frustrated wife for you but a strong mother to your children."

"If we survive," Darcy said with a nod.

"True. The others are being found soon. I was easiest found." Loki strolled up. "You're free?" he demanded.

"And under a compulsion to help at the moment," Darcy quipped, grinning at the warrior. "We treat him horribly but he helped Dawn a few times."

"Frigga would be most amused," Fandral said, stuffing his mouth again. Three more bodies appeared on the porch and walked in. He handed over the scroll to Hogun. Who read it and burst out swearing. "Also, we are here to help Thor and Jane Foster through their nuptial rituals quickly."

Sif stared at Thor, who shrugged slightly but was still blushing a bit. "It's good that you have started a strong family, Thor. Happiness is the only eternal energy." He smiled and hugged her. "Where is Jane?"

"In our rooms resting. I...celebrated." Darcy handed him the plate with food. "Thank thee, Darcy. She could use such nourishment."

Darcy grinned. "I heard." He laughed. "She shrieks, Thor. She'll make the palace walls sing for years with how loud you make her."

"Aye, and it's a happy thing to have," he agreed.

"Have we confirmed this?" Hogun asked. Thor nodded. So did Loki. "Oh, dear."

"Yeah," Darcy agreed. "Or stronger language if you want to use it. Oh, and I'm looking to hear what my brother did on Asgard so I can swat him greatly."

"Xander is her little brother," Fandral told them. It created two blushes and a loud laugh from Sif.

She grinned and nodded. "I need to swat him until he settles down with someone nice. Though I'm told there's a willing harem of people who'd like to help him start his future evil empire." She rolled her eyes. "We have to keep pointing out I'm his sister, not his girlfriend so clearly they're not that great." She snapped her fingers. "Thor, one of your people sent me fantasy armor. Again. Chainmail this time. It's too slutty for even a halloween costume this time."

He shook his head with a sigh. "I will find that mooning warrior wannabe and talk with him," he promised. She pulled up a picture on her phone to show him. "It looks like finely made chainmail but as skimpy as the leatherette he sent you." She nodded. "Was it padded?"

"No. Chainmail yanks out hair too. And he sent it two chest sizes too small so maybe he thought I'm Jane."

Thor growled. "I do not think I want to see Jane in such skimpy outfits unless she wears it for me," he admitted. She grinned. "I'll see if she would model it for me tonight." Darcy pointed and then threw a pillow at the moving shadow. Loki threw a dagger at it. It screamed and died. "Thank thee, Brother."

Loki looked at Darcy. "If you should wear it in public I'd like to see as well."

She pinched him on the cheek. "You're hot but crazy. I'm into hot but badass." She walked off. Loki was laughing so that was a good thing.

"There's apparently many young men who would moon over warrior women but they expect them to wear skimpy armor that covers less than Jane's bathing costume," Thor told his friends. "Usually with phallic length swords."

Sif nodded. "Many of our youth would do the same if given the opportunity," she agreed. "It was suggested to me until I gutted one." The security team showed up. "Loki killed whoever that is appropriately." Maria Hill came off the next elevator. She smiled at her, nodding slightly. "Agent Hill."

"Now I head the security team here, Lady Sif." She shook her hand. "Would you spare me a few moments to spar so I can gauge how well I have learned sword lessons?"

"I can do such," she agreed. "Let me know when you're free." Maria smiled and nodded, going to check the body. "Is it human, Asgardian, or demonic?"

"Demonic," she said. "Unfortunately. It means we may have to see Darcy's brother agin soon." She noticed the warriors blushing but didn't say anything. There was no telling how Xander had created three warriors needing to blush.

Thor led his friends back to his living area and let Loki follow for now. Of course, it was Darcy's text to him that reminded Thor that if he didn't have heirs, Loki would have to. Loki shuddered and went to hide in his bathroom again.

***

Darcy came out the next morning with Dawn and Mortimer. The warriors three all stared at the young woman and her unusual pet. "This is Dawn. Her sister's the senior slayer." Sif smiled at her and nodded. Dawn gave her a one-armed hug. "That's Mortimer, her cuddly kraken buddy."

"He's very cuddly and even Spain got used to him." She sat down. "I'm going to be doing some wards on Thor's apartment later since I'm leaving Sunday for my next college." They were still staring at the tiny kraken that was climbing up to rest in her hair and play with it. "But first," she said, looking at Sif. "I got word that the slayers are causing incidences up there. Apparently a chaos mage wanted to create some diversion so he managed to let a few of the younger slayers in training find a way to Asgard's training academy so they could prove what Midgardian warriors could do. He said he would prove you were more worthy but a worthy goddess for them. Apparently he has a crush."

Sif cleared her throat to stop smiling. "It is a unique way of proving such. Are the slayers not training?"

"No, they did and then they tried to claim a few warriors," she said. "Because they beat them. Including one of the instructors they thought was a bit scarred but hot."

Sif burst out in giggles, walking off. "I will call Heimdall to see if he will remove them safely before we have many pregnant warriors."

Dawn grinned at Darcy. "He told me he told you." She nodded. "I did paddle his ass while he was in the hospital. I *so* blew a poker debt to get there so I could yell and paddle him. The nurses just got out of the way and stayed hidden for *hours*."

"Good! I need to beat the living shit out of my brother for that and not telling me."

"At least he's still around, Darcy," Dawn said gently.

"I know. Which is good. He still should've told me so I could've sobbed on him and talked him into retiring sooner."

"Yeah. But he thought you might scream like my sister will if and when she hears."

"Yup, I will be now that I've heard. I think that's reasonable."

"Could be but consider how unused to normal things he is."

"Probably true," she admitted. "Still doesn't make me less mad."

"Cool. I totally agree." They shook hands. "Oh, that warrior guy, he sent me a set of fantasy armor too but I sent it back with a note saying that if I had to wear armor for some reason it'd be fully covering chainmail and useable. Fantasy costumes like that only belonged in trashy weddings and honeymoon nights and I wasn't into being a wife yet. I had too many people to debauch. For some reason I haven't heard back from him since then."

"I should try that. And I gave it to Jane so she could feel sexy when the baby bump comes out."

"That should make her feel sexy, depending on how well Thor growls at her in it," Dawn quipped. "Plus second trimester hormone swings I've heard about and the baby will be more safely protected then." Thor groaned, slumping in his seat. Dawn grinned at him. "All the pregnant slayers have had an uncontrollable urge during their second trimester, Thor. You'll need vitamins."

"Aye, I do now sometimes," he agreed.

"One of my college friends said she nearly needed to go to the ER for dehydration after curing her neediness one weekend. She was rubbed raw, hadn't had food or drinks in about two days, and her husband did go due to chest pains." Darcy sipped her coffee with a grin for him. "You lucky guy you." He smiled slightly but went to talk to Jane. "Remember, be gentle for at least another month so it implants firmly, Thor."

"I can try thus. Thank you."

She and Dawn shared a smirk then she pulled Mortimer over to pet. "Hey, baby." He got all wiggly tentacled before hugging her and sucking on her throat. "Aww, am I tasty? I thought you guys didn't eat people." The wavy tentacles came back and he got comfy playing with her hair for her.

"Oh my God, Thor!" Jane shouted. The warriors all laughed but Dawn got up to make them food and Sif when she came back. She even waved at Mortimer when he waved at her. That was kind of the warrior goddess.

***

Clint looked up from taking a nap on the couch as he felt something crawling up him. He looked down at his legs, staring at the plant climbing up him slowly. It almost seemed to be sneaking. "What are you doing?" he asked quietly. It jumped but then rushed up to cuddle his chest. "Hi. Who're you?"

Darcy came strolling past. "Awww, Mortimer loves you. You don't even have long hair to play with." She petted the plant on her way past him to make more coffee. Jane had suddenly went quiet so she was probably sleeping finally.

Clint looked at the baby plant. "You're Dawn's friend, right?" It gave him a squeeze and snuggled in. He gently petted it with two fingers, making it a happy plant. Natasha walked past the couch then came back to stare at it. "I think it's Dawn's cuddly plant friend."

"I'd assume so as well." A few tentacles waved at her. She waved back. "Good afternoon, Mortimer." It made happy squeaky noises. "It looks very cuddly."

"It is. It has good grip strength but not too tight. It's kinda nice," he admitted, smiling at the silly little plant.

Darcy came out. "Dawn said it tried to pick up someone for her to flirt with the other day. So Mortimer thinks you're hot enough to some day pick you up as a special friend to tease and play with." Clint shivered, shaking his head. "I know, you're not a water baby. She said he's a portal kraken, not an ocean one. Hey, Mortimer, wanna come watch your human put up more protections around Jane?" The kraken squeezed Clint. "Sure, I know you're wary about magic, little guy." She petted him. "Be a good boy and maybe Clint will put down some water or iced green tea for you."

"Yeah, I can do that. Bruce won't mind if I steal his green tea."

"I'll go start some water for it," Natasha said, going to the kitchen. You could barely hear her giggling. Darcy grinned and winked, heading back to help Dawn.

Clint looked at his buddy. "At least you don't drool like a puppy dog. I have to tell others how sweet you are, Mortimer. Maybe some of the bigger krakens can find good agent friends to play with if they find out how nice you are." He took a picture and sent it out on his twitter. Titling it ' friend's cuddly kraken thinks I'm cuddly' was cute. A hashtag for mystical cuddly things finished it.

He showed it to the plant, who patted the phone and settled in to suck on his t-shirt and cuddle up to him. Natasha brought out the chilled tea once it was cool, putting the bowl of it down beside the couch. Mortimer tested it with a tentacle then flowed down to slurp it up, you could hear him slurping. Then he flowed back up to nap and cuddle on Clint some more. "Sure, you get cuddly. It's a great day for a nap, little guy." He looked at Natasha. Who walked off smiling after taking some pictures.

***

Maria Hill got notice of a new Avengers tweet, staring at it. She moaned, shaking her head, but reposted it for Hawkeye so other agents would know what they were. Just in case they ran into one somewhere. They probably weren't all as cuddly as Mortimer was. It also made sure that someone at the new SHIELD saw the post.

She got an email from Skye, who sent back an 'awww' and 'Coulson needs real pictures for blackmail'. Maria had to laugh at that. Phil Coulson was still just as much of an asshole as before he had died.

***

Xander got the retweet from his sister's twitter and reposted it too. "Mortimer is so cute," he told the guy he was eating lunch with, showing him the picture. "That's Dawn's baby kraken Mortimer. It loves her hair." The arms dealer moaned, staring at him. Xander grinned. "It's very protective of her too. Even stopped some assassination attempts from demons."

"That's so weird, Xander," he complained. "You're so warped."

Xander grinned. "Sometimes but then again I hunt demons."

"True. Is this one going to the girls?" Xander nodded. "Why can't they come talk to me themselves?"

"I didn't know you needed to be pouted at, pounced, or complained at about being a man sort who had weapons. Hell, half the times don't like to admit other weapons exist until they have to use them. Then they pout about it not being the slayer way."

"Thanks for not letting them pounce me."

"Welcome." He grinned. He got a message on his twitter from someone. He looked then smiled, answering back. "Doctor Strange wanted to know where Dawn was. He doesn't tweet but he tracks any hashtags about mystical things." He put his phone up again. "He's making sure she doesn't turn into Willow."

"That's always a good thing. We saw the witch the other day. She nearly destroyed something to get a single demon out of a church."

"Figures. She could've just talked to it but her magic addiction is showing again." That got a nod but a grimace. "She'll go back to Devon and they'll try to straighten her out for a bit longer."

"Still sucks."

"Yes it does. Especially with how often she tries to kill me for being a guy when she's like that."

"Like in France?"

"Yup, just like then."

"Wow."

"I had turned her addiction over to a higher source."

"Ah!" He nodded. "That makes sense. She's a pouty girl."

"I know where a few more usual kraken are and I'm about to introduce them. They might like her. There aren't too many redheads under the waters." The arms dealer burst out laughing, clapping him on the arm. He grinned. "Sometimes being mean is reasonable."

"Yes, it is. You poor man." They got back to lunch and talking about weapons for the slayers. These sales were protected and he wouldn't get busted for them by anyone. No one wanted to die because the slayers had lost a battle. They'd all look the other way at selling the slayers weapons.

***

Dawn was led into a meeting room and sat down, petting her Mortimer until the agent who had politely request her presence showed up. It only took a few minutes. She stared at the balding man in the suit. "So, SHIELD," she said dryly. "Why are they bothering me before I go to Spain?"

"We're worried about you going to Spain, Miss Summers." Dawn shot him a dirty look. "We looked into other programs and realized that Spain was the safest but there are complications over there. Including those that would hurt your pet and you for your magic."

"I've met some of them." She looked at the moving tentacles. "That's very nice to wave at him."

Phil Coulson smiled and waved back. "Good afternoon, Mortimer." He looked at Dawn. "We think there's a great danger to you going over there. Though it would be safer than Egypt's, Russia's, or China's programs."

"Egypt's doesn't go into mystical artifacts, only regular ones for archeo and museum people. I thought about that one. Most of the social problems are over with now so it might be safer."

"They know you're a magic user. I asked a contact over there to look at the file on your sister. It lists you as a magic user and a white sided witch."

"Which could get me hunted," she agreed. "I'm sure the old Church has many of those sort."

"Yes they do," he agreed. "So we wanted to go over some ways that you could protect yourself. There's not many in the government there that could help you if you ran into trouble. We're also led to believe that the girls in the nearest two houses there are not fond of you?"

"They hate everyone who's not slayers. One has siblings and she's ranted at them to make sure they aren't around too. And they all hate the coven and Willow because of their run-ins with freaky magic things Willow's done. To be honest I'd probably call Xander if I was having a problem to see if he had any contacts over there. Even if a few are assholes it'd probably be safer for me. It might complicate Xander getting future weapons so I'd have to keep it rare."

"What about you bringing a bodyguard?"

"I can't afford one of those and I'm not dating anyone," she pointed out. "So that's not really a great thing unless you want to give me a boyfriend?" She grinned. "Then I'd ask for my sister to get one first before she ends up destroying the earth to get bad dick again." Mortimer flowed over to pounce the notepad and the hand with the pen, squeezing them. "That's so cute. He thinks you're a toy."

"He's a cute little kraken." He petted it with his free hand. "I could use those back, Mortimer. Please?" It squeezed his hand again then went back to Dawn's shoulder and neck to play with her pulled back hair. "He's adorable." She smiled. "Where did you find him?"

"His mommy's in a containment closet."

"Ah!" He nodded. "That makes sense. How do they reproduce?"

"They break off a few tentacles that form a new core."

"That's sweet." He stared at her. "Could you ask someone like Thor to introduce you to someone?"

"Some of the slayers got sucked up there by a guy trying to prove a point about female warriors being great. I got told that they've basically taken over a training academy are claiming the warriors they beat as spoils of war. Those are some of the late teen trainee slayers though."

"Is that going to cause a diplomatic problem?"

"I'd hope not but Buffy would think it's cute." She grinned, petting Mortimer. "Not the earring, Mortimer." He quit fondling it. "Thank you, baby." She smiled at him again. "You should really talk about that with her so she can send Faith to stop them. They won't listen to Buffy when she's feeling up their muscles. And also please talk to the half-Asgardian dweebs in Mongolia who keeps summoning a few guardian level demons to train them how to be warriors. They want to be celebutantes."

Phil Coulson squeezed his eyes shut then nodded. "I'll have someone talk to Thor about them."

"The slayer nearest there has a few times and kicked his ass repeatedly about it."

"I'll have Thor go scare them."

"You could ask Sif." She shrugged a tiny bit with a smile. "She's down to help guard Jane and Darcy while being there for the upcoming wedding."

"Who's getting married?"

"Thor."

"Oh!" He nodded, making that note. "We can help with some diplomatic guarding for that." He looked at her. "Are you sure you want to go to Spain?"

"There's no program in the US. I'm not going to Cleveland without an advanced degree."

"We'd rather you never go back to Cleveland actually. We've noticed that the hellmouth picks up its output whenever you're in the area."

She nodded. "I know. I've felt. I really hate Cleveland. I so totally hate Cleveland and the slayer house and my sister most of the time. I'd like to never go back there. When I get my degree I want to work from somewhere safer by skype."

"Mr. Giles knows?"

"Yup." She nodded, grinning some. "He's heard and stopped Buffy a few times when she was making plans to kidnap me back to Cleveland. Mortimer stopped her once too."

"I can see both sides but I don't think it's healthy for you." She shook her head. "Is there any other degree you can think of that would help you more?"

"Not really. And I only got accepted to Spain's program. I did apply to Russia's and they told me they don't accept Council spawn. I missed the deadline for Egypt's by a few months."

"What about a language degree somewhere safer for now?"

"Is next year or so going to be any more safe?"

"We'd all like to think so."

"We'd all like that happy thought," Dawn agreed. "With it maybe we can all fly. Doesn't mean it'll happen. Especially if my sister finds out what Xander's really done in Africa."

"We went looking," he admitted. Mortimer was starting to sneak back over to him so he put the pen down on the table. It still went for his hand. He took his watch off and still on his hand. "Am I fun?" he asked.

"Maybe your skin tastes good. He does drool," Dawn quipped.

"I'd hope I smelled good," he agreed, petting it. It flowed up to tease his hair a bit then back down to cuddle around his neck and shoulders. He patted it, shifting his neck a bit to look at the part on his shoulder. "You're snoring?"

"Yes he does. It means he thinks you're great and comfy." He smiled slightly, petting the little plant. "He likes chilled green tea too."

"That's sweet. I'll keep that in mind if we run into another one."

"I'm not sure if it's the same thing that water based ones like, but there's three around the east coast and about five on the west." He blinked at her. She grinned. "I drove off the one by the Jersey Shore before MTV taped the drunk kids being taken as playmates."

"Oh, dear."

She waved a hand, crossing her legs with a grin. "Handled. It's back by the New York shipping lines."

"Can they be removed to somewhere less crowded?"

"Asking the wrong person," she admitted. "He wears a cape." She pointed in the direction of Manhattan. "Is a bit of an arrogant guy. Use to be a brain surgeon."

"I'll ask him if you know where they like to hang out?" She drew a wiggly line with a little dick on the end for Florida on his notepad and made little 'x's in a few spots. "I'll have him look at those to see if he can make sure they're not harmed or being harmful." She nodded. The baby kraken on him shifted as the door opened and cuddled him by trying to climb into his shirt. "Hey, it's all right," he promised, petting it. "Calm down." Dawn had frozen the guy coming in with the gun. "There is no reason for you to do that," Coulson said firmly.

"It's attacking you!"

"You're an imbecile," Dawn said. "Really, a huge one! Please take yourself out of the breeding population before you contribute to the downfall of humanity! My Mortimer is cuddling him and playing with his tie, not harming him! How goddess damned stupid are you! And if you bring that weapon near me again I'm going to make you fuck it." Another agent got between them and it broke the freezing spell. The first agent raised the gun and Dawn raised a hand, making it glow. "Last warning. Get it away from me and my pet."

"Dawn!" Coulson snapped. The agent tried to shoot the little kraken. The bullet froze, the agent screamed as the gun was relocated into his body, and the kraken went flowing back to his human to protect him. Coulson stood up, glaring at them. "This is totally unacceptable behavior! If I had minded her pet petting me I would have said something." The other agents backed out. "Take him to the infirmary and arrest him once he's free of his weapon. Trying to kill me isn't exactly a good thing."

A woman in a lab coat leaned around the doorway. "Can we test the demon?"

"Fuck you, bitch!" Dawn shot back. "My Mortimer isn't harmful and if you touch my pet I'm going to turn you into his perfect mate." She shrank away from Dawn, nodding quickly. "I think we're done here," she told Coulson. "Before I lose my temper and destroy things like my name's Rosenburg." She picked up her bag and walked off. Two agents got into her way and were suddenly little gerbils. She stared down at one that still tried to attack her. "You're brave but I know plenty of peaceful demons who'd love to snack on you." It ran away. She went outside and to her hotel for the night. She did send out a facebook warning to Darcy. That way others knew that agents had tried to attack a peaceful, harmless being for being a cuddly plant. She calmed down, taking a bath with Mortimer to groom his tentacles and keep him calmer.

If they showed up to try something else she'd be prepared to become the sister of Xander instead of Buffy.

***

Darcy's phone chirped so she glanced at it, frowning. "Aw, fuck," she said, breaking up the meeting about her safety. She held it up so Hill could see it. "Some SHIELD agents tried to attack Mortimer for being cuddly."

"Oh, dear," she said, taking the phone to read. "Is this a private message?"

"Nope. That way the peaceful community knows that there's agents who're going to try another purge." Hill glared at her. She stared back. "The slayers do protect the peaceful communities as well, Hill. Including peaceful, cuddly little plants." She took her phone back and answered Dawn hoping she was fine and that she was sure the slayers and others would be helping them both protect the peaceful demon groups in the world.

Because those agents were huge idiots and wrong humans. She put her phone back up and looked at Jane, who was grimacing. "Mortimer got cuddly with the agent talking to her about Spain and the threats she might be facing over there from idiots. So an agent rushed in to save him by shooting at Mortimer, who was around the agent's neck but snoring." Jane winced, but nodded. "So Dawn had to insert a gun and then made two new gerbils."

"Good! Can we feed them to those energy tentacles I accidently opened the portal to?" Jane asked. "It'd serve some good for humanity."

"No," Hill said quietly. "It'll be taken care of." She looked at Darcy. "Would they attack you?"

"SHIELD agents? Yep, probably. You have some really nasty little assholes under you, Hill. Even if you're not really in charge." She stared at her. "By the way, saw the three following me the other day to coffee and back. They weren't our security team in this building. James spotted them too and they took off running like he was going to kill them."

"They could have been HYDRA agents," Hill admitted. "He reported them to me."

"One dropped his wallet and it had a SHIELD pass. A current SHIELD pass. Which I gave to Stark and Natasha."

"That's reasonable I suppose," she agreed patiently. "You are a bit reactionary."

"Agents tailing me when I haven't done anything wrong and your own people are a threat to my safety because you let in racist assholes? Yeah, I'm very self and Jane protective."

Hill nodded once. "We did try."

Stark strolled in, handing over that ID card with a grin. "Dawn's fine. The hotel has security and they were alerted that idiots were going to be coming after her pet. By the way," he said, pulling Mortimer off his back to hand to Darcy. "Can you kraken sit?"

"Yeah, sure I can." She smiled at it. "Hey, baby. It'll be okay. Your mommy will be just fine and I can pet you until she's safely in Spain this weekend." She petted him, letting him lounge and calm down. She looked up at Stark. "She good?"

"So far. She would like those agents to grow up and grow a few brains between them." He looked at Hill. "Mortimer really liked Coulson. Snuck over to cuddle him twice."

"Awww," Jane and Darcy said together, sounding a touch sarcastic.

"So they were going to kill Coulson to kill the baby kraken?" Darcy asked. Stark nodded. "Well, sucks to be them then."

"Yes it would," Stark agreed. "Being that stupid is a sucky state of life." He looked at Mortimer then at her again. "You sure you can kraken sit?"

"Of course. He loves my hair just as much as his human's and I can make him tea and all sorts of cuddly bath stuff. Probably without salts or bubbles just in case but we can take a long bath and soak for a bit. Plus I've got something of Xander's in my apartment so he can rest on it if he needs the magic to help himself."

"That's fine then. Let me know if we need to get anything weird."

"I can do that."

"And keep him away from Bruce? He freaked out a bit at him cuddling Clint." He gave her a pointed look before leaving.

"Sure, we can do that. Doctor Banner just needs to know that you're a great, loving little guy. That's all. I'm sure the Hulk would like you too since you're nearly his color."

"I don't want to know what Hulk would do with a cuddly plant," Jane said. "He might get really mad and hurt him."

"Yeah, we can't let that happen." Darcy looked at Hill again. "So, our new security guidelines? We were going over lab deliveries? Does that include me getting her lunch and coffee?"

"We can have those tasted by someone," Hill said, getting back on target.

They could deal with Dawn and Mortimer at some other time.

***

Faith stomped up to where Xander was playing poker. "C'mon, let's go."

"Why?" he asked, not looking up from his hand. "I'm not Council."

"You have diplomatic ties I don't." He looked up at her. "Retrieving the twats that took over the training academy and are sexually harassing the warriors they beat."

Xander snorted, shaking his head. "Those poor warriors." She snorted but it was a happier sound. "Sure, let me finish this hand." He won and grinned, taking his winning kitten with him. Faith petted it too, making it happy not to be a snack. They went to the park where Xander looked up. "Hey, Heimdall, can we come grab those slayers by the hair to drag them off for you?" he called.

The bridge's end appeared and Heimdall appeared, staring at them. "Please do," he said, staring at Faith. "They are most giggly and slightly annoying."

"Yeah, they're teenage girls. We want the slayers to be normal girls and they are."

"Do we have to bring any back because they're bonded?" Xander asked. "And has anyone talked to the twats who're in Mongolia?"

"We are studiously ignoring they exist for being so very whiny," Heimdall admitted. "Sif will go talk to them soon with Hogun. Come, I'll lead you there and help you remove them before they cause more problems and take more hostages by winning sparring matches against them."

"If that's all it took, I'd be taken by now," Faith said dryly as Xander helped her onto the bridge and followed. "Hell, Buffy would have a boyfriend she couldn't stake if it was that easy."

"I'd have at least one or two," Xander quipped. He grinned at Heimdall. "Now you see why I walked off before I killed a bunch of the slayers."

"I saw that," he joked with a smirk back. "Very wise, Xander."

"Thank you."

"Unlike the last time you were in London." Xander shrugged but grimaced. "Or in Egypt recently." He gave him a pointed look.

"I'm not the one that called. They decided I had to be Asgardian with all that I've done so I'd have some sort of calling device." He shrugged again. "Not my faulty thinking that they said humans couldn't handle demon emergencies."

"True, but still ...amusing."

"Yeah and so was getting a local contact down onto them."

Faith looked at him. "Don't tell me any more, I'll have to report it. Giles is scrying us."

"He knew. I complained about it on my livejournal. That way everyone else knew what those idiots' problems were." They heard girlish squeals and looked. Not the slayers. Giggly unicorns wearing dresses, armor, and lots of jewelry. A few even had manicures on their hooves. "Dawn told me about them," he muttered, looking at Heimdall. The Guardian god didn't look that impressed. "Didn't Dawn send them home?"

"A few appeared with the capturing cube," he admitted. "We have been unable to get them home yet."

"I'll tell Dawn but she's protecting Jane and moving to Spain at the moment."

"Thank you." One of them trotted over and talked to Heimdall while ignoring them. "I am busy escorting them to get their problem members off Asgard," he noted.

"But we're important!" she whined.

Xander sneered. "Bitch, please! I saved the world every day since I was sixteen. Faith's done the same damn thing. Hell, I've taken on battles that should've taken whole armies against higher level demons and even I don't whine at Heimdall. So trot your happy tail back there and wait like a good little princess of pinkness should. Because your manners are horrible and that's not a good way to make a good impression on other warriors." He looked at Faith then at Heimdall. "Training academy by the fountain?"

"The farther one," he admitted. "I'll bring you, Xander and Faith. It'll be easier and you can cart back your own whiny things."

"I can make a formal apology for them," Faith said. "That's why they sent me."

"Talking to Odin is often boring, problematic, and did I mention whiny?" Xander said dryly. "He kept telling me I was just a human. Right after I blew up a huge demon his warriors were whacking away at with swords. Saved the nursery area of the infirmary and all that. He told me I was just a human. I asked if he was secretly a human slayer. Got all huffy about it when someone explained that to him." He grinned. "He still thinks I'm an upstart mortal bastard."

"Great. Well, still, if I have to I can be diplomatic and apologize for the chaos mage guy that pulled our girls up here."

Heimdall shook his head. "Don't bother. The Council has been laughing hard at the warriors being so soft." He took them to the training academy. They watched the six slayers sparring with their captive warriors. "They are not worthy."

"No, they're not," Xander agreed quietly. "Sword?" Heimdall handed over his short sword. Xander walked out there and took on two of the girls, blocking their blows. He got them down after a few minutes. The others attacked him and a few shrieked as he kicked them into a well. He got a few cuts but he did win, easily enough. "You warrior wannabes are free to go," he noted without looking away from the girls. "Learn better so mere girls who are slayers can't beat you. You're supposed to be the cream of the future of Asgard's warriors." He glanced at the teacher. Then at the girls. "They could use those who broke egos and trained if you knew someone better."

"I summoned one but he hasn't appeared," that teacher said. "Who are you, mortal?"

Xander grinned. "I'm Xander. I used to be their trainer but I quit because of the egotistical bullshit I had to go through each and every day with them." He shot one a dirty look when she started to whine. "Go talk to Faith, ladies. And I use that term loosely." He pointed. "Go." They stomped off. He turned to look at the trainer. "If you find someone who can train them better, please send them to the girls in Cleveland. They can get them sorted with who needs the better training plus boarding them."

"I shall." He shook his hand. "Thank you."

"Welcome. The chaos mage that summoned them will get yelled at by one of his own." He walked off, handing over the sword. "I'm sure you can pack anything you have with you or you bought by yourself."

"They gave us armor," one sneered. Xander smacked her across the back of the head. "Hey! Mean!"

"You stole it when you tried to claim it. That's not how you get special armor, ladies. You *earn* it. You haven't done a singe thing to earn that honor yet. You haven't won a battle, most of you haven't saved a single life. Hell, most of you haven't even been on patrol yet! If it were that easy, even Rosenburg would have some. Now, let's go. Giles hates paying me overtime when I have to get summoned to help deal with things."

One pouted at Faith. "Why did you bring him! He's just a guy!"

"Who just beat all six of you," Faith reminded her. "By hand with a sword. Proves just a guy is better than six slayers. Now, march!" She pointed. They ran to get their things and Faith followed to make sure they didn't take anything extra. Xander looked up at Heimdall, who just smirked back. That helped and the girls got led back to the bridge's edge so they could drag them home. Heimdall sent them to Cleveland and Xander back to New York. Faith walked them into the house. "We're back," she called. "Giles, I had to get X's help. They're all whiny cunts today too."

Giles walked out to stare at his girls. "We caused what sort of incidents?" They pouted at him. "Faith, did you tender an official apology?"

"I offered to. Got told it wasn't needed."

"That's fine then." He pointed. "My office, girls." They pouted but stomped that way.

She grinned at him. "X asked the trainer they beat and claimed to please send a good trainer if he got one. That we'd give him all the ones who need it and a room."

"I dare say that's a great idea and could definitely help the ego problems. How did you stop them?"

"The same way they claimed the warriors."

"You fought the girls?"

"No, X fought the whiny things. All of them by himself." He winced. "Didn't hurt 'em too much. Then he freed their captives."

"That's fine. Thank you both. Is he here?"

"Nope. Heimdall held him back and sent him home."

"That's fine I suppose. I'll have him send me a report. Go rest, Faith. You could use it."

"Oh, some of the unicorn princesses were up there too, Giles. Whining that they got sent back to Asgard by accident."

"I heard the report on them and had to drink myself to sleep that night. I feel rather sorry for the Asgardians at the moment," he admitted as he walked off to grab the girls from the kitchen and take them to the office. He really had to institute some more rules and punishments.

***

Darcy walked into the office, where Pepper was waiting on her looking hopeful. Darcy turned and slammed the door. "I ran into another idiot who thought I was fucking my brother," she started. Pepper moaned, shaking her head. "Not the guy but his arms dealing boyfriend. Who said 'oh, you're Xander's new girlfriend'. So I slapped the living fuck out of him and noted I don't fuck my brother, never wanted to fuck my brother, and if he wanted to ever fuck my brother again he might want to quit before I tazed him. He hopped up to get into my face so I tazed him.

"His boyfriend came in making squeaky noises. So I smiled politely and said that you had sent me over with that pre-approval contract and I could answer questions if he wanted. He pouted that I'm against his boyfriend. I pointed out I didn't care about his boyfriend and I could ask you if you cared about his boyfriend. His boyfriend was pouting at me by then so I glared at him and asked if he had been seeing my baby brother to get closer to the pouty slayers.

"He shook his head and then shuddered so apparently not. The guy read the contract and wanted to know if his boyfriend was going to be a problem. I said I'd ask." She put the contract with notes on the desk in front of Pepper then smiled. "He said it's good that we're strong enough to deal with real things, unlike most science heavy companies."

Pepper read the notes, smiling some. "I think most of those are doable. How bad is his boyfriend?"

Darcy shrugged. "Saw him twice with Xander in pictures. I can ask him if you want."

"Did you take a picture?"

"With my tablet." She let her see it.

"We can probably ask Hill if she knows him." She sent a text to Hill's phone, getting her a few minutes later. "How bad is this boyfriend of our newest scientist?"

Hill looked, grimacing. "Not horribly skilled. Sells minor arms." She looked at Darcy. "You look flustered."

"I had to kick him around a bit because he was in the 'let's see Xander and Darcy screw' club."

Hill nodded once. "We knew he wasn't big enough to be on SHIELD's radar. We only realized he was selling arms because he dated your brother." She handed the tablet back.

Pepper smiled. "If his boyfriend hires on here will we have a problem?"

"Probably not. I'd have to specially code his pass anytime he came in so he could only go to that lab. You said he'd be working in the accessory building so nothing will be too classified."

Darcy looked up at the fighting going on in the hallway. She sighed. "Richards?" she asked. Pepper groaned but nodded. "Great. Jane?"

"In bed." Pepper grinned at her. "Thor celebrated breakfast again since she managed to keep it down."

"I guess sperm is good for her morning sickness," Darcy quipped. The shouting slowed down then went back up to screaming levels. Darcy sighed. "Permission, Pepper?"

"Please make them stop," she agreed.

Darcy nodded, going up to the nearest porch area. She looked up. "Hey, Heimdall, can I have that capturing box?" she called. "Pretty please?" It landed at her feet. "Thanks." She looked it over as she walked back down to the lab floor. She held it up. "No, that's the holding evil end," she muttered, then put it down and activated it. Reed Richards and Tony Stark got sucked into the cube. She smiled as she picked it up. "I'm giving you two two days. Fuck it out, fight it out, whatever, but in two days if you haven't worked that stress out I'm putting you back for a month the next time and we'll find a way to scry you two fucking the stress out." She walked off humming, putting the cube into Jane's lab with a pat on the top of it. "There you go, guys. Rest and then work it out. You've got forty-seven hours and fifty-two minutes." She went back up to Pepper's office, smiling at the view of the cube on the virtual screen. "They can be civilized or whatever. If they fight, they're dumb but men. If they screw, then they're still being guys just better guys." She shrugged. "I can find a scrying spell to make sure."

Pepper stared at her. "That's kind of evil, Darcy," she said with a smile.

Darcy grinned back. "Thank you! I'm going to have to turn into my brother someday soon!" She beamed as she walked off. "Let me know if you need me to run more errands, Pepper. I'm going to lurk in a chat room to get propositioned by a guy pretending to be a girl from the midwest."

"Sure," she agreed, looking at Hill.

"I'll see if anyone wants introduced to her," she promised, going back to her office to cackle and laugh until she got sick. Everyone hated dealing with Reed Richards. And most of the time they hated Tony Stark almost as much. So that was a great punishment.

***

Darcy smiled at the woman walking into the living room that night. "Hey. He's trapped in a cube with Stark to work out their stress so we didn't have to hear it."

Sue Richards blinked a few times. "I was going to ask where Stark buried him."

Darcy grinned. "I told them I'd let them out in two days but if they hadn't worked it out however they needed to they'd go back in there for a month. I suggested they act like guys and either fight it out or screw it out. Sorry if that upsets you."

Sue burst out in giggles. "I'm not sure Reed would know how to do that. He barely knows how to handle it when I need him to." She sighed as she sat down. "Where is the cube?"

"Jane's lab."

"That's fine then. It's probably safe."

"Unless she opens that portal again and we get more ethereal plane tentacles."

"What now?" Darcy pulled up the video of the tentacles. Sue blinked, staring at them. "That's interesting."

"They're ethereal plane tentacle buddies." Darcy grinned. "I gave a few supposed agents to them when they were trying to confiscate Jane's work."

"Awww. I'm sure the tentacles like their new friends." She patted her on the wrist. "Tell Reed to come home when he's out of there."

"I can do that."

"Thank you, Miss Lewis." She walked off giggling. Reed and Tony Stark trapped together might just be the most wrong thing ever but hopefully they were figuring out their stress somehow. She'd have to ask Reed how he was in bed. Reed might get jealous but she was okay with the results of that too.

***

Darcy opened the portal, staring at the two men glaring at her. She smiled. "Did we work it out or are you two going back in there for a month this time? Though I'll make sure you have lube and stuff just in case."

"You can think things into being in there," Stark said. "That's evil, Lewis. We need to fix that tendency."

She smiled. "Then next time don't get into science fights that way, Stark. Even Pepper huffed."

"Still evil."

She blew a kiss. "Thank you." She looked at Reed then pointed. "Your wife?"

"Sue," he said, walking over to hug her. "We need to take that cube to examine."

"It's Asgardian," Stark said. "Dawn had to use it to send an alien tree person home." He glared at Darcy. "I should fire you."

"I don't work for you, Tony. I work for Jane. Who giggled herself into an accident. Do I need to put you guys back there?"

"NO!"

"Great." She beamed, walking off with the cube. "We'll all be happier then, huh?"

Tony glared at her back. "We'll be talking, Lewis."

"If you want." She waved back at them. "I'm free until Jane goes back to work."

Tony looked at Pepper. Who just patted him on the shoulder. "We need to fix that, Pepper."

"You guys were getting rather loud, Tony." She grinned. "It was good that you two worked things out. However that happened."

"Yeah, we worked out we need to spank Lewis."

"I'm not sure if she's into spanking or not," she admitted. "You'd have to ask her, Tony." She strolled off. "I'm going to make a light dinner if you needed some."

"Sure, I'm up for dinner." He pounced her in the elevator. "You'll make a great dinner," he growled in her ear. Pepper shivered but let him lead her to the bedroom. It was a good idea for Tony to feel better.

Downstairs, Sue was making Reed jealous so he'd do the same thing. It was nice when he pounced.

Darcy was having chat sex with someone. It was good enough for now for her.

***

Xander showed up pouting. The tower's security team stared at him when he signed in. "Lewis isn't in," one told him. "Stark made her go deal with a problem scientist at the other lab."

Xander pouted, texting his sister. He showed the answering text, getting a nod. They let him into her apartment to pout up there. She got back about two hours later and was huffy. She stared down at him since he was laying on her couch. "What happened?"

"I had to talk to idiot agents because I lost two of my ex's."

"I'm sorry the agents got them."

"Neither one was agent removed. It's weird but one died of a heart attack and the other died of cancer he never told us he had." She leaned down to hug him. "What sort of idiot did you have to go verbally spank?"

"A really huge one. Stark's mad that I locked him and Reed Richards in that cube to work out their fighting again." She walked around and he moved to cuddle her. They sat there watching the news as the city complained about everything. Xander frowned at the complaining about demons the Mayor was doing. "Fuck him," Darcy muttered. "Half of them paid for your campaign. Just bite me." Xander gave her a squeeze but grinned at her. "You should say something."

"I have to the locals."

"Will the Council say something?"

"Probably not."

"Damn. Maybe we can do a support public march or something." He nodded. She made notes on her phone while her brother got pity cuddles. "Why did you have to talk to agents if they died of natural causes?"

"Because I got left some stuff."

"Ah!" She nodded. "Anything pretty?" She grinned at him. "Like maybe pictures or Xander wanting jewelry?"

"No jewelry definitely. The minions took most everything but the houses they didn't want and some of the lesser weapons." He shrugged slightly. "The agents tried to tell me I couldn't claim anything so I kindly talked to the people over that, who sneered at SHIELD being back in service."

"Ah, them," she said dryly. "Yeah, they're kinda stupid. Including the one that tried to shoot Mortimer while he was on the head guy's neck." Xander rolled his eyes with a sigh and a head shake. "Did they get it worked out?"

"Yup. Told SHIELD to bite them and it was a local matter. When they found out why they died, and that the minions had taken most everything, they let me handle the rest. Including hidden accounts they knew about. And a few bank vaults. So I've sold most of them but if we have to leave the US, I've now got a house in Namibia."

"Cool. Pretty country."

"It is," he agreed. Someone knocked. He got up and went to answer the door. "Sorry, I'm hogging her to mope about two of my ex's dying of natural causes and having to verbally spank the hell out of a few SHIELD agents who got into my face about them," he told the agent standing there. "I don't care what you want or anything like that tonight." He closed the door. "It was Hill."

"Hill, is it a problem with Jane or the labs?" she called.

"No, wanted to talk to him about what happened," Hill called back.

"You hired idiots," Xander called. "And next time I'm going to remove said idiots." He laid back down to cuddle his sister.

Hill went to call in over video. "Now that you've pissed off Harris," she said in greeting. Coulson gave her an odd look. "He said you hired idiots who got into his face and next time he's going to remove the idiots."

"Why were any of my less than exemplary agents near him?" he asked.

"He lost two of his ex's to natural causes," he said.

He looked at his reports. "I'm not aware of that. Let me ask and I'll see how bad they were this time." He hung up and went to find agents to ask that interesting question to. Sure enough, big idiots. He really had to make some things clear to his agents. Including that he was to know about all operations going on. And that if they ran into Harris, or Lewis, they were to be polite, helpful, and keep themselves from being hurt and put into a closet because they were in the way.

He called a staff meeting of everyone, skyping the other units that weren't local at the moment. Two operations were added onto the list and they admitted one wanted to talk to Harris but they couldn't find him. They hadn't done any research and he had to call them back to specifically talk about how you did agent things properly. Someone had messed up their training somewhere.

He thought about siccing Melinda May on those teams but that would cause more strife when she had to handle talking to Xander. She didn't get along well with him and he doubted she could handle dealing with Lewis either.

***

Someone knocked on Darcy's door the next morning, staring at her. "Miss Lewis, I'm Melinda May with SHIELD."

"I know who you are," Darcy agreed. "Why are you bothering me before I go to work? It's barely past coffee time, Agent May."

"I need to speak to your brother."

"You do realize my brother works nights, right?" she asked dryly. "And tends to have barely gotten to sleep by this time of early morning?" Melinda looked confused. "Most of us are *really* not happy to be woken up just after we got to sleep. I'd assume agents were normal enough to feel the same way." She sipped her coffee.

"Can you wake your brother up?"

"Hell no. He only got to sleep two hours ago. I'm not the evil sibling today." She grabbed her things and walked out, turning and locking the door. "He has enough problems staying asleep already. You're not waking him up." She walked off, going to the lab.

"Obstructing us is a problem," May said. "We may have to have more administrative talks."

Darcy turned to smirk at her. "Sure, we can talk about that, Agent May."

"No, don't," Clint called, coming up the hall. "Down, Darcy."

"Awww, shucks to quote Steve," she shot back. "She's not waking my brother up since he only got to bed two hours ago."

"No, she shouldn't need to. It's not an emergency," Clint agreed, smiling at her. "Jane's already heading for the lab and Thor's sleeping in today." Darcy rolled her eyes but let him handle it. Clint looked at Melinda. "You're lucky she didn't just taze you for showing up at her door at this hour. Normally Lewis is making Jane go to bed about now. Did you not read a single thing about her or him?" he demanded at her angry glare back. "Seriously! His file notes that he works night hours and has been known to take out agents or just simply inconvenience them for hours on end, when they annoy him."

"He's into arms dealing, Barton. I don't care."

"He's former Council and got the girls their weapons," he shot back. "You're an idiot. Get out of Avengers tower."

"I doubt they want you here."

"I doubt you were asked your opinion," Xander said from the doorway. He stared at her. "Wow, I thought you were just a bitch before, May. Thankfully I didn't fall for your ineffective and pathetic attempt to snare me when I was still working with the slayers. Seriously, I've seen newbie agents who're better at it than you were. Hell, I've seen virgin twinks that were better at it than you were. Secondly, I don't give a *damn* what SHIELD wants. Or needs. Or wants to know. You're full of morons. You're one yourself.

"I'm not going to do anything with or for you people outside of where I save everyone again. If that gets me into trouble, I'll gladly move from the US and let you all die during the next apocalypse battle. Have fun with that." He slammed the door. "Tell the nice redheaded one that sent me the condolence e-card thank you. I didn't even know that one died. Thankfully I got there before anyone else did since most of his minions went with him. I'd let her into his files but they burned in the fire that took them all out."

"Sure, thanks," Clint said. He looked at May. "Wow, only deadly and dangerous people are drawn to him so I'm guessing you were weak." She stomped off. He waved at her back. He looked up the hall at Natasha. "He said thank you and the fire took out any files."

"That's reasonable. Did he gain anything that he's passing on to the slayers?"

"He didn't say but her arguing woke him up."

"I'm more than able to give him a few hours," she said. "Unlike some, I know not to wake up people who have just gotten to bed." Clint grinned, heading off to make sure May had left the building. Natasha set a request for the AI to tell her when Xander got up so she could ask him about that missing boyfriend of his. He was much nicer when he wasn't exhausted. Most people were. Though she did send a note to Coulson about May's 'ineffective and pathetic' attempt to woo Xander at one time.

***

Coulson read that note and looked it up in the old SHIELD files. He sighed at the remarks she had made. He also got hacked footage from Stark's security system about that talk this morning. Clearly May was still angry that she had failed that mission because he had known she was an agent and out to destroy the Council. Even good agents could be petty since they were still human. When she got back he called her into the office. "Tell me why you thought it was a good idea to wake a man who has been known to take a battle axe to huge demons to save ungrateful people?" he said when she walked in.

"He..."

Coulson held up a hand as he pulled up a file, turning his monitor so she could see it. May grimaced. "That is what he was doing two weeks ago, Melinda. He's still probably healing some injuries. Your last run-in with him was noted in the files and it was advised to not let you near anyone Council ever again." He stared at her. "Why were you going to bother him today since the only two projects that might have him as a source of information are on the west coast?"

She stared back. "Agent Millers asked me to since he was out here annoying Stark tower."

"They do not consider him an annoyance. Most of the time. Though there are notes that say they would like him to quit hyping Lewis's urges toward handling things like he does." She scowled. "He is not an arms dealer. He never was. He's slept with some. He's gotten weapons from some for necessary and future reasons. Because you can't take on everything with a sword. Or his battle axe." He stared at her for a moment. "I think it would be best if you were removed from anything Council, Lewis, or Harris related, Melinda.

"I don't think you're objective and I think the animosity he shows towards you would hinder you doing anything necessary. Also, Stark himself just sent an email." He opened it to read then looked at her. "He's requested that the next time I send an agent to talk to anyone in the tower, temporary resident or not, that they not fight in the hallway and he's said that he'll be talking to Harris about his sneering too." He looked up at her again. "He also said he pulled up the files on that and apparently you needed lessons from Natasha in subtlety. Though I'm not sure if he knows what subtlety is."

"I can handle myself professionally."

"You didn't," he said. "Even before you got there. You didn't read his file at all. You thought you knew the man and you have no idea what he's done or anything about him. It's nice you listened to gossip about him being Lewis' half-brother. I know she's highly frustrated with people who think they're together. She tazed the last one about a week ago."

"I can handle him and all those girls," she said firmly.

"You sneer at the slayers and they'll smack you around and put you in a closet," Skye said from the doorway. "We've just gotten back the two they did that to last week, Coulson. We're finding nanites so Wells got them too. Science wanted your opinion on it."

"I'll ask Andrew to remove them. You can escort me, Skye, so you can meet them."

"Sure." She smiled. "I'm all for supporting the people that save humanity so often." May glared at her. She stared back. "I can't handle something like the invasion in LA or the one in Kuala Lumpur. I barely know how to hold a sword. You can't use one with any sort of skill. We're all screwed if they fall and we have to fall in to help them save us all because we don't know how to do it." She looked at Coulson. "Can I take sword lessons?"

"Yes. Please do if you want."

Skye grinned. "Thanks, Coulson." She left. She came back. "We have a zombie in medical. It came with those two agents, handcuffed between them when they were dropped off." He got up to go check on that.

Melinda went to her room to sulk for a bit. She was good at her job. She hated those Council people but she could act professionally near them. She was sure she could, no matter what some uppity people thought. Not like they mattered to anyone anyway.

***

Stark looked at Loki that afternoon. "Are you doing something to hype Lewis' evil mood or Harris' bitter moments?"

"Why would I? It's already entertaining and the others brought on those bad moods themselves. Including you with your constant arguing with the stretching man." He waved a hand around with a grin. "It's most entertaining to me already."

"Uh-huh. I should ask someone who can sense magic. Just in case."

"I bear no ill will toward Harris or his sister. She is mouthy but feisty. He's feisty and beats people who would make me get messy by taking them on. One does not bother those warriors who save everyone. It's dumb and makes sure that you have to take their place."

"Good point." Stark left him in the bathroom, going to talk to Lewis. "Can we make sure you're not magiced into being more evil?"

She looked at him. "I'm not evil yet, Stark." She grinned.

"Locking us in that cube was evil."

"No, it was sanity saving for everyone else before you blew up the labs proving your point against Mr. Supposedly Fantastic. Or you end up accidentally reopening Jane's tentacle friends' portal. Or another portal." He shuddered. "It was saving everyone and you two could fight out of view of everyone. Because you correcting him on something in front of others means that he'd get even more huffy and annoying. The same as you do."

"Maybe," he said. "Still not good."

She smiled sweetly at him. "Who said I'm a good girl, Stark? I'm expedient, I'm good at what I do, I bake excellent cookies, but I'm not a good little girl. It's really insulting to think that a woman my age could be a good little girl."

"You could be."

"Sure, and I can have pigtails and start to skip places again," she shot back. "I'm not that young, Stark. Really, I'm not. Maybe I look that young, that's why I hug people who card me when I got to buy drinks. I'm still not a young girl."

"Fine. That's a feminist thing I'll never get."

"You'd hate being called a boy," Jane said from her seat without looking over. "Calling either of us or Bruce little girls would piss us all off. She just won't turn green."

Stark looked up and huffed then looked at Darcy again. "You're still going too evil."

She grinned. "Thank you. I'm going to be my bro's second-in-command when he finally starts his evil empire. That way I can take on any male members of his group as my personal harem since he's got some girls wanting to be his harem."

Stark shivered. "Damn, I did not need that thought." Darcy smirked at him. "That's evil."

"Slightly," she agreed smugly. "Anything else you wanted to nag about today?"

"If you do that again I'm going to have to torture you by making you go to all those gala events as Pepper's PA," he warned. "The full kit, including heels and bras."

She burst out laughing. "Sure, Stark, and suddenly designers will start making gowns that look good on people who aren't skinny without curves. Beyond that, I wear heels a lot and I've already got one good strapless bra and spanx. Worn them before. Won't wear that ugly dress again but I wore the other stuff." She looked smug. "I can rock a gown like most skinny women can't since I've got breasts that make some men drool. Then again, that's the purpose of a push up bra. Even Jane's tiny little tits look fantastic in a push up bra."

"Gee, thanks," Jane complained.

"Remember, you'll be expanding that for at least a year," Darcy said with a shot grin Jane's way. "Plus longer if you breastfeed."

Jane looked at her chest then at Darcy. "Don't tell me that." Darcy grinned. She looked at Stark. "You know you're pushing her toward doing something even more evil, right? Just to make you scream next time." Stark huffed off. She looked at Darcy. "Leave me out of that?"

"Of course. Why would I need to include anyone?" She went back to work. "I really have to talk to Xander about what's in his vault. One of my ex's sent me an email a few days back that said my brother confiscated a private tape he made of us without me knowing."

"I do not want to know," Jane said in a sing-song voice. "I don't need to know about you doing boyfriend specific porn."

"It wasn't that exciting, Jane. He wasn't any good at it. Hell, I had to fake the 'O' at the end so he'd leave me alone and finally go to sleep." Jane was shaking his head. "And he was kinda tiny too. I'd be more embarrassed about being in it than I should be."

Jane paused. "Who did that gown you wore to that awards thing I had to go to?"

"Off the rack bridal stuff." She grinned. "They're made to fit various sizes so they only had to do a bit of fitting for the boobs I have." Pepper strolled in with Hill. "Tony sulking because I told him to bring it if he made me do some sort of gala event?"

"Yes," she sighed. "What tape?"

"Some barely two week stand," Darcy said dryly. "He was tiny, bad at it, and I had to fake it at the end to get him to finally roll over and nap. I didn't realize he made a tape until a few weeks later when his current girl of being bored in bed asked. Somehow my brother got hold of it and it's in his vault."

Pepper nodded. "That makes sense. You've worn gowns."

"I tend to wear off the rack bridal stuff, Pepper. They account for various body shapes beyond skinny bean poles. I'm not that tall and I have curves."

Pepper nodded. "Some of those can be nice enough in most cases." She smirked. "So you can come to the one in two weeks?"

"If I can bring my tazer to get whoever tries to grope me. Be damned if I want to be the entertainment but it'll probably be at least once that night."

"There's a few who would," Hill agreed, handing over the invitation. "If you bring a date, let me know at least two days in advance so I can assign a security rating."

"Not like I'm dating, Hill." She looked at it then at Pepper. "You know Jane's going to be out of town that weekend, right?" she said with a grin, handing it back. "We're going to be at Culver with Bruce for that science conference."

"Crap," Pepper muttered. "I forgot about him too." She looked at Jane.

"I'll let you keep Thor so people have someone to talk to and hide behind," Jane offered with a grin. "I'd probably end up throwing up on people if I had to attend."

"I can see that being more efficient than a headache," Hill muttered. "Unfortunately I'm not pregnant." Jane grinned at her.

"Punish me by having go to the next one," Darcy quipped with a grin. "I can go schmooze and all that but I'll still get whoever pinches me."

"Fine," Pepper sighed. "They wanted to talk to people who had been in the various incidences."

"I'm not the spandex wearing sort," Darcy reminded her.

"You were of material help getting people out of the way in New Mexico and London," Hill said with a smirk.

"Yeah, and I rescued a pet store in New Mexico too," she agreed with a smile. "Still not the heroine of that battle, Hill."

"Fine. They might think you're in training for SHIELD duty anyway."

Darcy burst out giggling, leaning on the table behind her. "Me? Hell no! Especially not with the stupid that's managed to keep being hired over there." She burst out in new giggles. "Damn, that's cute!" She grinned. "Won't get you out of me suing you to get those files released so I can finally get my degree though." Hill winced. "It's not classified anymore, Hill. You have no right or reason to keep me from getting those two science credits or from blocking Culver from taking the others that Jane's filled out for me."

"Can we talk about that later?" Pepper asked.

"No. I'm suing them." Darcy grinned at her. "That way they have to stop it. I'm not the only one probably. And it brought it to Culver's notice so they can find out how many times over I could've earned those two science credits I needed for my degree."

"I filled those out while we were in London too," Jane reminded her.

"Culver won't take them. SHIELD has blocked that." Darcy looked at her. "That's why we had tequila that night, Jane."

"Oh, then. Yeah, that does suck. Why not take a science class?"

"They don't offer them for distance learning people outside the one I've already taken. They won't take them if I take it at NYU or somewhere else, thanks to SHIELD. I'm about to stick something up SHIELD's ass legally speaking. Either that or run for Congress and try to get them defunded." She looked at Hill and Pepper again, smiling at Pepper. "Sorry, not your concern, Pepper. That was all Hill's paperwork." She looked at her desk then handed Hill something. "You're served." She looked at Pepper again, smiling slightly. "Is there some sort of other punishment I can do to make Stark quit complaining about the two days to correct Richards in private?"

"Not really. It was an inspired idea but he thinks you're going a bit evil."

"Pepper, if I was going evil, I'd be gathering a harem to go with me to join my brother's future evil empire to go with his female bad girl harem. Since I don't even have time to date right now thanks to Jane...." She waved a hand around. "This isn't the future evil empire I'm told I could be the right-hand-lady of."

"No, it's not. Not unless Tony creates one." She grimaced but let it clear up quickly. "Fine. Try to be less evil?"

"I try. Until someone brings it out."

"Good point. That's when I go evil too." She patted her on the arm. "Let me know how that legal snafu goes, Lewis." She walked off smiling where Hill couldn't see it.

Darcy smiled at Hill. "Have a great time talking to Coulson."

"I probably won't," she admitted, going to call him. He could look up that paperwork to see who had signed it. When it turned out she had, and Fury had co-signed it, she had to wince. Hopefully he'd clear up this little thread that was left hanging from the old SHIELD.

***

Phil Coulson walked into Jane's lab with two cups of coffee, putting one beside Jane and turning to look at Darcy, holding out the other one. "Just sugar," he said when she didn't take it.

She took it to sip, staring at him. "Drugged or otherwise tampered with?"

"If I wanted you taken out, Lewis, I would've asked Barton." He stared at her once the drink carrier was tossed out. "We can stop that for you."

"You should've done that before London," she said. "SHIELD had no reason to stop me from getting those credits for any reason."

"It was classified."

"London's attack made the news, Coulson. Not classified," Jane said. "They even caught sight of your team a few times." She looked back at him. Jane took Darcy's coffee to sip and moan. "Oh, that's nice. Thank you." Darcy took the other one. Jane took it back to have both. She smiled. "Thanks for the coffee." She got back to her current math problems.

Darcy grinned at him. "She's right. That's why we didn't come out of the apartment for six long days. We even wanted to have a whoo-hoo, we saved humanity party and couldn't."

"Unlike the slayers, you could've went to a bar," he agreed. "I'd like to make that go away."

"Then go remove that block on Culver and my paperwork," she said bluntly. "Not that difficult. Not like I'm suing you for missing wages I could've made after getting my degree. I could be. Or for pain and suffering with how many headaches you guys have caused me. Hell, I even thought about running for office so I could defund the one-eyed jackass's plots before I got involved in another one."

"I think it was an oversight."

"It wasn't after London," she said simply. "He personally signed the paperwork to block my paperwork with Culver and the secret warrant bullshit to stop them from acknowledging me."

He grimaced then nodded. "I'm not sure why. I know right after the first Thor incident he toyed with recruiting you."

"I would've tazed him and walked over him," she quipped. "I'm not a thug like so many of yours are."

"You're still pissed at Melinda," he said.

"That too. She still upset my brother and seems to be against anyone like slayers being better than she is. Is she so anti-girl power that she thinks she should be the only one?"

"I'm not aware that she was."

"Natasha told my brother that May tended to glare at her as well."

"I'll have to ask Natasha about that. If so, it's something to handle before it gets someone harmed."

"Or she screws up someone's training," Darcy said.

"She was against Skye training," he admitted. "I'll talk with her about that later." He stared at her. "If I made that paperwork go away and let them acknowledge your credits, would you drop that suit? We're still supposed to be covert."

"Once that's all done and I get the pretty paperwork saying that I'm officially a graduate."

"Thank you. I'll work on that tonight. Why only sue Hill?"

"Because you're still supposed to be covert," she said dryly. "Though I've heard rumors that the president was thinking about giving you guys a new figurehead."

"I've heard the same rumors. I'll get on that when I get back to the office." Natasha walked in. "Can we speak for a moment, Natasha?"

"If you wish." She looked at Darcy. "He told you that?"

"He doesn't keep much from me, outside of battles and when he nearly died. He hates to make me worry or go stomp on the slayers."

Natasha nodded. "That is a very brotherly thing to do. Are you going to the gala?"

Darcy grinned. "Jane's got a science conference at Culver that weekend."

"I was hoping to have people to talk to."

"Bruce is going with us," Jane said with a grin for her. "But I'll lend you Thor."

"That may be amusing. Thank you both." She walked off with him to talk about his head bitch.

Darcy grinned at Jane. "Maybe I'll get to go talk to them during that conference. That might be a nice weekend."

"Might be," Jane agreed. "Are you going to walk it?"

"No. That's so far away. I'm not interested in the pomp and circumstance." She shrugged, getting back to her work.

"What about a secondary degree?" Jane asked.

"Yes, she'll have to get one to get paid," Stark's voice said from the phone. "That's her punishment."

Darcy snorted, printing something out and walking it up to Tony's lab. She put it in front of him. "SHIELD's blocking it too." She walked off. She grinned at his huffing. Sure, it was a bachelor's of education in humanities studies, but still could have been for a real job.

***

Phil Coulson looked at the paperwork his assistant had found on Darcy Lewis' educational goals and skills. He winced. "How did Nick Fury screw that pooch so badly," he muttered. Another folder got handed over. "What's this?"

"On the new embassy for Asgard, Director." She left him to swear at his predecessor, who thankfully couldn't come back from the dead to swear at him for it.

He read it over, shaking his head. Sif had suggested Darcy to run it. That was going to cause some strife. He sent Darcy an email about the possibility of someone making an Asgardian embassy. She sent back a tape of a phone call where someone had asked her about things for it and kept huffing that it wasn't a proper embassy if they were like that. When pushed about why they were asking her anyway, Darcy had pointed out she had lived with Thor and his girlfriend for years, and was Thor's fiancee's assistant.

She also pointed out that Jane had been to Asgard, that no one up there used modern, uncomfortable furniture, and that Thor hated it at the Tower. Plus that Thor's idea of an official state dinner was a great feast after a battle with a lot of mead. The lady at the State Department had huffed and hung up rudely. "Great," he decided. "Simply marvelous." He put that aside and sent her an email to ask Thor about an official embassy and if it was something he wanted. She said she'd do that later and send him notes. He thanked her and got back to her educational file. He wouldn't mention that he had pulled it already until it was fixed. Best not to get her hopes up if it was unfixable.

***

Coulson showed up that night to stare at Thor. "I've told the State Department about your wishes for the embassy not being necessary. They're very confused. They're diplomats, Thor. They wanted to set you up an office somewhere so people could get information and if you allowed tourism they could fill out paperwork."

"The last I knew, Heimdall did not demand such papers," Thor said. Sif burst out in girlish laughter so he smiled at her. "Did you speak to them?"

"I have and reminded them that we were not in formal negotiations with them, and if we were we could probably take up space in the tower for an office to meet in."

Darcy waved from her seat. "The lady called me to ask me about your fabric and color preferences. I told her that you hated modern, uncomfortable furniture like is in the other living room we don't use and that diplomatic dinners were those after great battles and other feasts with a lot of mead." Thor smiled at her for that. "She got all sorts of huffy with me about how would I know so I told her I was Jane's assistant and you had lived with us for a few years. I also told her we've been corrupting you to earth stuff with poptarts. She nearly had a choking fit." She sipped her coffee.

"They were thinking you should serve there," Sif told her.

"I'd never leave Jane unless she had competent help," Darcy said, shifting to curl up some. "It'd mean she'd starve, Sif."

"Point. I had not considered that. Though many have asked me if Thor actually has a harem."

"Yeah, there's humans who think that any woman on the team is only there for sexual needs," Darcy agreed. "Even though Natasha could easily kill us all and is the most scary Avenger. They think she's stress relief and she's proven them wrong but some people are too stupid to teach differently. They think all women should just bear babies. Then don't want those necessary medical things covered by insurance but their viagra is a necessary medical expense."

"I've seen a few of those senators," Coulson agreed. "They're not usually holding the greatest respect for the team anyway." He looked at Thor. "If you want to work up an embassy down here, I can arrange it."

"I don't feel it's necessary," Thor said, looking at his friends then at Coulson again. "It's not really something we need or enjoy handling. If we must do diplomatic things I shall but not enjoy it."

"That's fine. Just let me know. Even if SHIELD may have a new head someday soon." He smiled slightly. "Miss Lewis, Nick Fury locked your educational aspirations away in a way that means that we cannot get them free. Even if we changed them to a new name for you." She stared at him. "Looking at his private files, he thought you may be a dangerous ace in his hole some day with your brother."

"I'd never go against my brother."

"He thought your brother was a dangerous fruitcake. Even after finding out what he had done in Africa. He asked and knew more than we thought. Getting it solved may take a bit longer than I had hoped with the way he has judicial orders. You were supposed to be taken into protective custody but he let you run free to see what sort of chaos bringer you were."

"And yet, I bring more order than chaos. Is he still kicking around so I can taze him?"

"No comment." He stared at her. "I've asked some administrative people in the government to fix whatever he's done to your credits, at both schools." She smiled slightly. "It may take a good bit though. I have gotten a continuance on that lawsuit against Hill based on someone looking into it. That way you can still sue us if we can't remove it. That way there's a legal recognition of those, and that may be what it takes to get around those orders."

"That's why I did it."

"That's reasonable. I'll fill Hill in so she can try to unravel her part in that. Though someone will ask why you think you were so important during the falling in of SHIELD."

"She started to undo it once but Fury stopped her. And she did unravel a lot of her other knots at that time. Someone found the paperwork in the ruins of her office." Coulson stared at her. She grinned. "It's in the legal paperwork that got filed. Steve found it when he was helping clear it of asset files. It was in my SHIELD file. She had signed it but Fury denied it."

"Crap. I was not aware of that."

"There was a nice post it in the folder that said I'd be an asset."

"I did not know that at all, Miss Lewis. I'll see what I can do."

"That's all I wanted."

"Thank you for trying to be understanding and not siccing your brother on us."

"Oh, no, Coulson. If I have to ask my brother for that sort of favor I'll go to some of his fuck buddies and ask them myself. They might be fun in bed, and I could use a bit of bad boy in my life sometimes." He walked off shivering. She grinned at the staring Asgadians. "What? My brother dates bad boys and girls. At least he said they know what to do with their dicks." She sipped her coffee.

"You do need to take your fun and pleasure with someone decent," Thor told her.

"Not like I find any of those, Thor. Or don't you remember Ian?"

"I do. Unfortunately. He was not good enough for you."

She shrugged. "I can only flirt with the ones that want me, Thor."

"I would offer but I'd never be for more than playing times," Fandral quipped.

She smirked at him. "Fandral, baby, I remember watching you eat beans." He blushed but laughed and ducked his head.

"That was a very loud dinner," Hogun agreed.

"And smelly," Sif added. Fandral made a pouty noise but she ignored it. Jane wandered past them eating a poptart. "Thor, you should get her real nutrients. It can't be good for your future child to only eat poptarts."

"I made Jane eat a sandwich for lunch. It had chicken," Darcy told her. "She's going to hate it because pregnant women aren't supposed to have too much caffeine either." Jane stared at her, eyes wide. She grinned. "Like at all, Jane. I've been slowly cutting you down by mixing yours half and half decaf."

"I thought it tasted funny." She frowned. "At all?"

"At all according to the baby sites I've looked at. You need to ask your GP if you can have any and what an acceptable amount is."

"Damn." She walked off pouting. The infirmary had doctors. She stared at one. "If I get pregnant with Thor's child, can I not keep drinking coffee?"

"No. You're supposed to cut all caffeine out almost immediately, Doctor Foster. Should we set you up to talk to an OB?"

"Maybe soon. Thanks." She walked off frowning. "Science takes caffeine," she said when she ran into Pepper in the elevator. "Pregnancy forbids it. I'm not going to get anything done."

"We can find you a quiet, discreet OB," Pepper assured her, patting her on the arm. "They can help you with all that stuff, Jane."

"Please. The infirmary doc I just talked to look too happy at the thought of baby Thors."

"They'd have to be cute, but probably really big." Jane snickered, nodding. "I'll find you one tomorrow. Need anything else?"

"More caffeine instead of less. Darcy was mixing mine half and half with decaf pseudo-coffee."

"We can figure that out once you have an OB." They got off on the living floor together. "Darcy, what did Coulson want?"

"About the Asgardian embassy someone wants to set up and about how badly Fury screwed up my education stuff."

Jane looked at Darcy's cup then at her. "If I can't have it you probably can't in case we mix up cups."

She smiled. "I'm sure we can figure it out, Jane, and I've been drinking the same mix you are."

"Fine." She sat down on Thor's lap to get held. This pregnancy was making her pouty already. He was more than happy to cuddle her.

***

Xander showed up a week later handing his sister a newspaper on his way past her. Darcy read the headline about 'half alien babies' and groaned. She scanned it for the source. She went to Hill's office, getting scowled at. She handed over the newspaper. "From Xander."

She read the headline, wincing. "That's going to be bad."

"Yeah, especially if they attack Jane for it," Darcy said.

"They shouldn't."

"Yet the last two paragraphs are about how to stop this alien invasion."

"There's a few half asgardians already down here."

"And yet they haven't wanted to kill them yet. They want to cut the baby out of Jane and kill it in front of her then her in front of Thor before they experiment on him."

"This isn't a reliable news source."

"Yeah it's a venting place," Darcy agreed. "Believed by a lot of right wing nutjobs who would be the sort to attack Jane."

"We have special precautions already set up, Lewis. Let us worry about that."

"And yet, their picture wasn't Jane." Hill looked and moaned. It was a picture of Darcy. "So yeah, bit worried, Hill. Especially since the source they cited was inside SHIELD." She pointed. "Third paragraph."

Hill reread it and grimaced. "I'll send this on so he can fire them in a way that won't let them leak any more information."

"Thanks." She walked off to go talk to Jane and the Asgardians. "We may be out of hiding time," she said as she waked into the kitchen. Jane and Sif both stared up at her from their breakfast Clint was cooking. "One of the right wing nutjob papers got info from someone at SHIELD about the future baby Thor and they're not happy."

Jane grimaced, stuffing her mouth with eggs. Sif huffed. "Can they do much?"

"Beyond things we'll have to guard her against?" Clint said. "Probably not. Though there's some dangers there. Science conference. Other planned outings."

"Jane doesn't usually put out a public schedule of appearances but she's speaking at that one," Darcy said.

"Which is something we can handle for her," Clint said. "Hill know?"

"Yeah, Xander walked past me and handed off the newspaper."

"Great." He finished up the rest of the food and handed Darcy a plate, getting a smile and a kiss on the cheek for it. "That's a great payment," he teased.

"I'd give you more but it'd make people jealous. The same sort think that you're for rent." She sat down to eat.

Clint shook his head. "Not at the moment. Could use a regular job again but not really." He sat down with his food and dug in. Tony walked in reading that paper. Clint noticed the picture on the front and looked at Darcy, who nodded she had seen it. "I'll get with Hill about the security protocols for the speech, Jane and Darcy. You may need more than just you two and a security guard." He stuffed his mouth again.

"Bruce is going too," Stark said as he sat down. "Lewis, don't let her anti-caffeine needs infect the rest of the floor."

"I'm not, Stark. It's being mixed half and half so she doesn't go into withdrawal."

"That's better but I don't want to break my own caffeine habit that way."

Jane glared at him. "Don't make me ask Thor if you can get pregnant, Tony. I've heard stories of chaos magic being able to do that."

"Rosenburg did a few times," Darcy quipped. "Mostly to animals to try it out before she did it to Xander."

Stark looked at her. "Why would she?"

"She didn't want to kill him to get a niece or a nephew she could fuss over when she wanted to." She gave him a pointed look. "It was Rosenburg, Tony."

"Point. If there's a sign against magic, it's her." He got coffee and sniffed it then drank some. "Normal, thanks, Barton."

"I need caffeine too," he said dryly. "We just have to keep it away from Jane."

"And Darcy so I don't get mixed up," Jane complained.

"That's why I've been mixing it so we both don't go into withdrawal," Darcy reminded her. Jane nodded and finished her breakfast. She noticed Jane nodding off. "Why don't you go take a cat nap and I'll go do all the mail stuff." Jane nodded, going to do that. Darcy looked at Sif. "Is that normal?" she asked quietly.

"I've never been in close company with a pregnant woman," she said quietly. "We can ask a healer."

"Pepper said she'd find her a doctor," Tony said. "Hopefully soon to make sure she and the baby are healthy."

"I'd ask some online friends who have kids but it might spill the secret," Darcy said. "Though with that picture in the paper...." She sipped her coffee with a frown. "Why would they think I'm Jane?"

"They don't. They think that you're their surrogate because Jane can't carry or doesn't want to because it'd impact her career," Tony said, looking at her. "It was buried in the article."

"Oh, great. Sure." She nodded. "Still wrong." She went back to her breakfast. "So what're we doing today?"

"You're probably going to let Jane catnap," Tony said. "And probably do lab things for her."

"I'll see if we can send some of it to her room so she can rest," Darcy decided. "Not that I think she needs bed rest but I guess it's tiring using your uterus for the first time."

"You could find out," Stark quipped.

"Not likely. At least for a few years yet."

"Fine. Just saying."

"Uh-huh. I'd have to have a steady guy unless I majorly screw up one night in the clubs, Stark."

"If you're sure." He grinned at her. "Sometime Jane will need an assistant for her kid."

"With her luck, the kid will hate science, just like your future one to take over the Stark empire will."

"Don't remind me." He went back to the paper, though he wasn't sure he was that generous to call this paper a real newspaper. "I really need to start watching what they put out since it has me being a communist sympathizer."

"I thought that was our president," Darcy shot back. "I didn't know you ran for president, Stark."

"I haven't. Thankfully. I'd hate myself." He flipped the page and went on, handing it to Clint, then pointing. He read it and grimaced, stuffing his mouth before he could say anything. "You tell her, I'm not," Stark told him. Clint shook his head slowly. "C'mon."

Darcy took it to look at, finding that gossip tidbit. "Hey, Natasha," she called. "The same paper that thinks I'm pregnant by Thor to be their surrogate thinks that you're going to announce that you're having a mutant Bruce baby." Natasha came in to read over her shoulder, then snorted, heading for the coffee maker. "They think Tony's a communist sympathizer and you brought him over too."

Natasha looked at her. "They need their minds rearranged."

"Don't tempt me go to go flirt with some of my brother's friends," Darcy quipped, grinning at her. Natasha shivered.

Tony took the paper back, going back to the article on him. "They did look back and see when you were undercover as Pep's assistant, Natasha. They think your Soviet masters sent you and you compromised me then."

Natasha shook her head. "That would require sleeping with you. It would never happen." She took the paper to look through, pausing at the picture on the front and looking at Darcy. "She knows?"

"That they think she's pregnant. I didn't want to worry her, Natasha."

"That's reasonable." She went back to it, grimacing at most of the paper. Especially about the picture of her in her uniform that made her look a bit chunky. "Apparently these sort have never heard of water bloating."

Bruce Banner walked in frowning. "I heard her yelling about us, Natasha?" She showed him that article. He huffed. "We really have to do something about them."

"Freedom of the press, and I use that term loosely," Darcy said, smiling up at him. "It's a slippery slope if you do more than sue them for libel, Bruce."

"Point. I could do that." He made some toast and sat down with it. "No Jane yet?"

"Went back to bed," Darcy said with a grin. "It's hard using your uterus for the first time."

"I guess it would be," he agreed. "We need to find her a good OB."

"Pepper's looking," Tony assured him.

"She said the doctor in the infirmary she asked about caffeine last night looked a bit too gleeful at the thought of a baby Thor," Darcy said.

"They would," Bruce agreed, nodding some. "Most of our doctors do private research on the side."

"There's already half-Asgardians down here," Natasha reminded them.

"Xander said that they're annoying," Tony quipped.

"Sif said she'd talk to them," Natasha said, looking at her. She nodded she was going to.

"I'll have Xander get you a map," Darcy said, sending a text to him. He sent one back almost immediately. "Um, Stark, he said that Brooklyn is being overtaken by robotic giant mice. Who are carrying little robotic wasps that are paralyzing people." He groaned, calling up a virtual screen to do a news search. The Avengers all finished their food on their way to get dressed and wake up the few that weren't in there. The Asgardians followed. "Have fun storming Brooklyn," she called after them with a wave. "Don't destroy the good restaurants please." Tony snorted but looked amused at least.

***

Jane looked at Darcy that afternoon. "I saw that they got us mixed up."

"They think I'm your surrogate since you wouldn't want to put your career aside for a bit to be a mom." She looked at her. "Not that unusual and they can tell I'm not pregnant, Jane. Especially if I wear showy stuff for the next few weeks."

"True. Are you okay with that?"

"No but I'm not mad at them for it. They're dumbasses. They clearly don't know any better. They think my hips and boobs mean that I must be pregnant because I'm not a toothpick."

"Point. Do you think I'll have to keep sleeping?"

"I think your body's going to promote and push what it needs for the baby over what you want," she said. "I asked a few online friends and they said they got all nappy later but you don't eat a regular diet, you work a lot of hours, and you never sleep."

"Good point. I need to probably fix some of that."

"Some of your math stuff you can do in bed," Darcy said. "While Thor's cuddling even if you wanted."

"True. I don't want to bring work to bed though."

"So bring it with you to meals."

"Also a good point. I'm going to have to start eating on a schedule." She looked at Darcy. "You had me on one in London."

"Yeah, and I have you on a looser one right now because I'm not sure when morning sickness is going to strike again. Do a lot more good-for-you nibbling and it'd probably help. I can get you veggies to keep in our mini fridge. Once I clean the mold creatures out of it."

"I could like that. Thanks, Darcy." Darcy grinned, pulling the trash can over to get started on that. It stunk a lot so Jane went to the bathroom for a bit. By the time she came back, it was cleaned up and Darcy was spraying air freshener. "That helps. Did we always use that scent?"

"No. A new limited edition febreeze I picked up." She let her see the can. "Not flowery."

"Cranberries are nice." She got back to work. Darcy got her some cut-up fruits to nibble on from the tower cafeteria. That helped too. Her body apparently needed vitamins. She noticed the pill too and looked at her. "What's that?"

"Over the counter prenatal vitamin." She grinned. "They supposedly taste like vanilla."

"Hmm." She took it though. Darcy would nag. Thor would nag when he heard Darcy nagging. She did feel good though so maybe it'd help. "More fruit?" Darcy dished her up some more fruit and let her have the plate back. That made her feel a lot better.

***

Darcy knocked on a bathroom door that evening, walking in at the irritated grunt. "Would Jane need anything beyond normal vitamins for a pregnancy?"

"How would I know?" Loki demanded.

"Because you've had a few?" He shook his head. She showed him the articles claiming to have Loki's kids. "Yeah, two have Asgardian DNA."

"They're not mine. My tastes don't run to anyone who would go to the press if I slept with them," he said blandly, staring up at her. She grinned. "Though I would think that whatever you humans do would be good enough."

"Are there specific prenatal vitamins on Asgard?"

"Not that I've ever heard of but I wouldn't know. I don't know anyone who has children outside of a few of the female helpers my mother used to have."

"Okay, then let's move on. When she has the baby, is it going to rip her apart by being abnormally sized? Women only dilate to ten centimeters during labor. If we need to plan for a C-section we might have to prep someone other than her OB."

Loki blinked. "Thor's tall but I don't think he came out abnormally sized. How big are your children?"

"Generally about seven pounds and about twenty-one inches long or so."

"Then the child may be larger, but not abnormally so."

"Okay, so probably not worse than the lady in South America who had the fifteen pound baby the natural way. So Jane might just need drugs."

"You need some as well," he assured her.

She grinned. "Yeah but I've got to plan ahead for things."

"Are women normally drugged during birthing?"

"Pain killers and we have drugs to speed up labor if it's not going fast enough." He blinked a few times. "I've only seen videos online and on tv shows. Is the baby going to be able to sleep in a regular crib or do you guys like jump up and start running and playing the day you're born? So I know if I need to find her a really sturdy crib."

"We're not that far off what your people do I'd assume. Sturdy might be best in case Thor leans on it and breaks it. He did his own from what I heard. It was being leant to one of my mother's helpers for her newest spawn and he leaned on it to coo at the baby."

"Okay, so sturdy crib. Sure. Are there things like godparents on Asgard that she'll have to do a ceremony for? Or a blessing ceremony like our baptism?"

He considered that. "We have something like godparents and I would assume his friends would be given that honor."

"So ceremony?"

"Small one, mostly done privately to welcome the child."

"Cool. We can handle that. Jane can sit through that and I'm sure if she's having him baptized they can join in there too." She made that note on her phone. "Anything that's traditional to have in the birthing room like drummers, older women nagging you about not whining about the pain? Anything like that?" He looked confused. "My brother told me about the few he saw while he was in Africa. They usually delivered at home with older village women and family members nagging you. One had drummers for her to soothe herself with or breathe to or something."

"As far as I know we deliver with the healers in attendance. At home or not."

"Okay, we can arrange that. We're not sure about the infirmary or what right now." She made that note. "If something happens to Jane during the birth, will we need someone to restrain Thor?" She stared at him.

"I can almost guarantee that. Until you hand him his child. I would assume most fathers would."

"Most fathers would fall apart."

"Thor would probably as well but the child would bring him back from the edge." He frowned. "That is an interesting thought, especially with a threat against them both."

"No, someone decided I'm the pregnant one for them. Being a surrogate."

"A surrogate born child wouldn't be more than an adopted one, even if it had the parents' genetics," he said. "It'd be considered a secondary heir once a true one came out. If she was not capable they would demand that he marry a war-spouse who could bear one or they'd have an open secret that the second child was born from Jane's loins when it wasn't."

"Good to know." She made that note. "Is there anything I have to do to prep Jane before the big event? Beyond keeping her healthy and all that?"

"I have no idea but I would prepare her for a marriage," he said. "Otherwise the child could not sit on the throne. It would not be considered of his lineage even if they married afterward. Many non-lineage children were born that way and discluded from thrones." She nodded, making that note. "Thor would know of such if you asked him."

"He's worrying over Jane. I don't want to bother him with things I need to plan for." She looked at him. "Any colors that we should be aware of to stay away from? Like culturally speaking?"

"The child would probably be presented in gold as the heir's heir."

"Okay. So nothing like red means happiness?"

"No." He grinned. "I would stray away from pink however. In the long distant past, our evil ones wore pink."

"I can do that and Jane hates pink." She made that note on her phone. "Okay, any others? Or colors for the nursery? Any good themes like animals or sea creatures? Stars? Grateful dead bears?"

"I have no idea what the last are," he admitted. He wouldn't admit he was amused by all this but he could see why his adopted-brother's fiancee relied on this one. She pulled up a picture for him. He shivered. "I have had nightmares with creatures like that. Do you really decorate the nursery?" She showed him pictures of some 'hip' nurseries. "Oh, dear. That's frilly."

"I really liked this one," she said, opening that picture. "I was going to show it to Jane later." She let him see it.

"That's bright. Very colorful." He tipped his head to the side then nodded. "If Thor wouldn't mind I would suppose it wouldn't insult anyone. Heimdall might be amused at all the rainbow things." She smiled. "You do give me such headaches."

She grinned. "You're welcome." She pulled up her list again. "Okay, one last question. If we do a blessing, are we going to be releasing you to attend as his brother?"

Loki blinked at her. "I would not be welcome."

"Thor still proclaims you his brother."

"The others...."

She shrugged. "You have a few months, Loki. Humans carry for nine months so you have at least six months left to make any talking at them that you wish to."

"I'll think on that," he said dryly.

She nodded. "Okay. Let me know if you think of anything I have to plan for. Thank you for your time." She left. She heard him muttering and thumping his head on the shower stall wall, grinning as she went up to the living room. She found Sif up there watching the news. "Sif, I talked with Loki about some plans that need to be made sometime soon. Can I go over the same questions with you?"

"I know aught about pregnancy, Darcy."

"Do you know if Jane's going to have a problem because you guys come out larger than the average human?"

Sif blinked a few times, then frowned. "Thor is rather large but I have no idea. How big do you come out?"

"About seven pounds and on average about twenty-one inches long."

"I think his child would probably be larger but I have no idea how much." She took the phone to look over the list. She added a few notes. "It's up to us to arrange the blessing ceremony for the baby and if she wants a baptism as you noted, then you could help arrange that."

"That's a religious thing," Darcy told her. "You bring the baby before the minister of your choice and they anoint them. I'm not sure if Jane would want one or not."

"I have no idea either. Hmm. Nursery?" Darcy showed her those same pictures. "Those are...truly decorated."

"I really liked this one. They say babies react and learn a lot from bright colors and shapes." She showed her that one. "Loki thought Heimdall would be amused but it's bright and airy."

"It is very bright and cheery." She handed the phone back. "I would think a bit less cheery for a boy child."

"Would something like an animal theme or sea creatures or stars be more appropriate?"

"I do not know," she admitted, considering it. "I have not heard of anything like your nurseries. Ours was just a room with good airflow and the like. Nothing that decorated."

"We have stick-on decals that have animals or stars or most any theme so you don't have to paint them on. Easily moved if the kid needs us to."

"That would be interesting. We can ask Jane Foster and Thor later. When she's over her napping."

Darcy grinned. "I've been feeding her fruit. She said it made the nausea feel better."

"That's good then."

"I also gave her a prenatal vitamin."

"What are those?"

"Vitamins for pregnant people that have the extra stuff they'd need to support the baby." She looked up the brand she used to show her the ingredient list. "It has those."

"I didn't know that pregnant women had to take extra vitamins. Interesting." She handed the phone back again. "If we ask it may bother the secret of their union."

"Okay. So last point. Loki said that if they're not married by the time the baby comes it'll cause huge amounts of problems?"

She nodded. "Quite. I had not thought on that. Are there many ways of doing such?"

"Everything from a quick thing at the city hall or Vegas to an elaborate one that hundreds of people attend and celebrate with you. Those usually take some time to plan though."

"Going to ...city hall would probably cause some talk. Vegas?" Darcy nodded. "Is that doable?"

"The only hitch I know of is the whole alien thing. They'd usually ask for a birth certificate from Thor." Sif grimaced. "I'd have to see if they would have a hissy fit about Thor not being human."

"Hmm." Sif nodded. "Some humans can be that petty. Having it on Asgard would solve that but would endanger Jane Foster and the child."

"Maybe we can get a forged certificate for him. We need one to get him a proper ID too. Just in case. They can arrest him without one." She made that note to herself on her phone. She looked up. "I'll see if it's advisable to get you four an identity card as well, just in case you're ever stopped by an officer or an agent." Sif nodded, looking amused. "Some of them aren't that nice, Sif."

"I have seen that on your news, Darcy."

"Okay. You know me, I worry about things. So let me worry about that." She nodded. "I'll talk with Jane tomorrow to see what she has ideas on then get back with you about anything you need to help you plan the blessing?"

"That's fine." Darcy grinned before heading to her rooms for the night. Sif sighed, leaning back in her chair. That girl had too much energy.

***
Part 6 by Voracity2
Darcy was paused on her way back into the tower the next afternoon. "Mrs. Laufreyson," the agent said, grabbing her arm.

Darcy looked at him. "You've got the wrong lady, mister. I'm not Loki's wife."

"You were talking to him recently."

"Yes, about culturally relevant information."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to know," she said, getting free. "My name is Lewis." She walked off again, rolling her eyes at the security team. The agent was following her but she got into the elevator before he could get through the security checkpoint. She walked into Jane's lab, handing her the box of lunch. "Fries like you wanted." Jane smiled, taking the box to dig into. "I just got accused of being Loki's wife by an agent." Jane stared at her, head tipped to the side. "Yeah. Oh, Stark," she called, knowing he had their lab bugged. "An agent just accused me of being married to Loki because they heard me talking to him about culturally relevant things for Jane."

Tony walked in a minute later, looking confused. "He's not an agent, he refused to produce ID and Hill scanned his picture in. He's a reporter." Darcy rolled her eyes. "Second, we're doing a bug check in a few hours." She grinned at him. "You went out without a security team escort?"

"No, I had one when I left. I stopped in the security office to tell them where I was going and they sent one of the guards with me. I know I didn't lose him in the two places we went. I remember seeing him when I came out of the café with her chili fries. I saw Steve too, you might ask him where the guy went."

"I can do that. That reporter, stay away from him."

"He grabbed me by the arm, Stark."

"I saw. Still?"

"I always try. They annoy me."

"Thank you." He left to hack into the city's cameras to find where that guard had went. Then he had to send Hill to get her guard from the alleyway that the hooker had gotten him into. Incidentally she had taken money from that same reporter earlier. So that was an interesting ploy. He showed it to Steve when he came in at his request. "The guard that had went with Lewis to pick up their snacks."

"Charming," he complained. "The guy okay?" Stark showed him the earlier video and Steve just nodded. "Even better. Who was it?" He put up his picture on another screen so Steve could look it over, including his press pass ID. "Do we deal with them?"

"No. They have a piece of trash rag." He looked at him. "I'm having him banned from the building."

"Thanks. We don't need that sort of press and I doubt Jane would at all." He considered it. "Do they still think Darcy's pregnant?"

"Yup."

"Can we fix that?"

"Not without endangering others."

"Even worse." He nodded. "Let me know how I can help and if he shows up again." He walked off thinking about it.

Stark got to work on the scanning of the rest of the group in the lobby who hadn't tried to get in. There were always a few reporters. Right now there looked like they were enough to hold a press conference. Which no one had called for. This was going to be insane. Six months of insanity.

Darcy walked in. "We have to get Thor some sort of birth certificate or passport for the wedding, Stark. Or we have to move it to Asgard and guard Jane."

"I can find someone to forge one," he said, looking at her. "How soon?"

"They wanted to sneak away and do it in the woods. Maybe by a lake Jane was saying. So we'll need a quiet Justice of the Peace and a lake cabin that's protected for their honeymoon. And we can't go out of the country because the immigration people have went on record recently that Asgardians can't legally visit the US without a visa, and there's no way to do that."

Stark considered it. "Are they going to raid here?"

"Technically, ICE can raid anywhere within a hundred miles from any border. It has jurisdiction and doesn't need another agency to go with them." Stark grimaced. "We're well within that and so is Malibu. So was our spot in New Mexico."

"Great. So basically we all need to move to Arkansas."

"That area of the country could use a shot of decent paying jobs but don't move us there please. They're horrifying in some local laws and there's a militia in Texas who would love to shoot Thor. And Steve."

He grimaced. "I don't want to move the tower anywhere anyway. Too much work to do that. Is the new upstate facility within that hundred miles?"

"By about thirty I think. If it's where I heard rumors about."

He looked up a map and nodded. "Yes it is. Huh. I'm doubting they'd want to admit to Steve's actual birth certificate."

"Not sure but he is an American icon."

"Is Las Vegas within that hundred miles?"

"I think it's outside it. Not totally sure. Then again they'd just have to get an FBI agent to go with them for it to be legal."

"This is so screwed up," he decided.

"Yup, and there's another screwed up mess." She sighed as she sat down and pulled up an article she had found last night. "I didn't hear him complaining so I doubt he saw it."

He took her phone to read from, wincing. "That won't go over well, no."

"Yeah. And you know someone's going to shout it at him when he's running or something. Want me to stage an intervention?"

"Yeah, that might be a good idea. I'll get his buddy from DC. You get his shadow."

"I can do that." She walked off. "Two hours."

"Got it. It'll only take an hour to fly from DC. No matter which way he takes." He sent that coded message that Steve was going to need him for some bad news. He got back an 'I'll be there in forty-five. I was off today anyway' back. That made things easier.

Darcy fiddled with some food things for Thor and the Asgardians. Sif was going to talk to those idiot half-Asgardian boys who wanted to be warriors. The Warriors Three were playing video games. So that was handy. When she saw Sam show up she handed over the phone with a nod. "We're going to warn him," she said quietly.

He read and winced. "Yeah, not going to go well. Oh, dear." He handed it back. "Where is he?"

"Not sure." She looked up. "Hey, J man? Where's James and Steve?"

"Reading in their apartment, Miss Lewis," the AI said. "Doctor Foster is looking for you."

"Tell Jane a half-hour and I'll be there. It's important."

"She said that's fine, she's looking for her reports from last month?"

"Orange folder, back of the file caddy on my desk. Arranged by month," Darcy said.

"I've told her and she said thanks."

"Not a problem. Thank you as well." She looked at Sam, who was still wincing. "C'mon. It's going to be loud." She carried lunch with her to their apartment, letting Sam knock. Steve opened the door, smiling at them. "I bring sandwiches, Sam, and not happy news." She walked in to hand James his food then smiled at Natasha. "Did you read the Times?"

"Stark told me," she admitted. Sam grinned as he shook her hand. "Sam."

"What sort of bad news?" Steve asked. He looked at his plate of food. "Fluffernutter. It must be really bad?"

"Yeah." She sat him down on the couch. "First, a few things have come out recently. One of them is that immigration wants to arrest Thor. And they can do it without having to justify anything within a hundred miles of any border." He settled himself into his seat and ate a bite of sandwich so he had something to chew on. "The head of immigration actually went on the news to say that there's no way that any Asgardian should be on earth without having to hand in visa paperwork and of course they didn't."

"What's worse than that?" he asked. "Because I can see so many ways that could be the worst possible news."

She took the sandwich from him and handed over her phone, getting into the story for him again. "I found this last night. It's the same sort of genius that thinks I'm the surrogate for Jane but they're believed by people like the president. He's quoted that source before."

Steve looked at the story, frowning as he read it over. He was scowling by halfway through and Natasha had to save her phone when he threw it. He stood up and started to pace, huffing. "How dare they!"

"I didn't want you to hear that from some idiot who was trying to get you to comment on it while you were on a run, Steve." He glared at her. She stared back. "You know some reporters are like that and they'd do that. Then you'd probably be in jail for assault on a reporter."

"I..." He nodded quickly. "I could see that happening." He looked at Sam.

"They said you needed someone to rant and scream around who wouldn't flinch away from you," Sam told him. "I'm off today anyway so I thought it'd be a great time."

Steve let out a tiny snort of displeasure. "It may be a great time to hear me screaming and ranting at people." He looked at Darcy. "Now I know you brought me fluffernutter. I can't talk through it."

"Yeah," she agreed, smiling slightly. "Plus it's comfort food."

"It is." He took it to eat while he paced and thought. "Press conference?" he suggested once he got his mouth clear of the stickiness.

"No clue how you'd handle it," she admitted, handing the phone to James. He read it and growled. She patted him on the metallic hand. "Hey." He looked at her. "We know they're wrong. They're major dumbasses and conspiracy theorists. Last month they decided that Thor was hiding the fact he might be another sort of alien who came down here to take out human men and rape the women because his muscles made men feel inferior."

James hung his head and shook it. "I saw that article."

"How would that... never mind," Steve decided. "I don't want to know how they came up with that idea. Clearly they never learned anything in their lives." He looked at Natasha.

"Stark showed me a bit before I showed up to help you think up nasty ideas you're too nice to do," she told him. "Or to sit on you if you tried to go beat the living crap out of them."

He nodded. "Might help."

Darcy looked at Steve. "I didn't want to tell you but I'd rather you find out that they're stupid that way here instead of while you're out doing something. Also, a thought, but your ID? You need a real ID, Steve. You and James both. It's too dangerous right now for you not to have an ID."

"I... Hmm. I have whatever SHIELD worked out for me." He looked in his wallet. "That's a government ID but it's expired. Oh, great."

"You need your license," Darcy reminded him. "Remember, we have stop and frisk and confiscate if they find anything on you like money, then you have to go to court to get it back."

"That's illegal," James said.

"Not anymore."

"That's stupid." She nodded. James grimaced, looking at Steve. "So we both need ID's. What do we need for that?"

"Birth certificate or other proof of identity, at least two proofs of address like utility or official communications, and I think you need social security proof."

"That's a list of nearly impossible," Sam said. "They usually have some sort of alternate documentation you can bring in."

"If he can get his social security card reprinted that would help," Natasha said. "I'm not sure how though."

"I have one," Steve admitted. James nodded he did too. "It's a real low number. I'll ask Hill how to get that done. You looked into it over Thor's?"

"Yeah. He needs a birth certificate to get the wedding certificate. And if he goes out of the country they'll try not to let him back in. He'll have to file as an incoming illegal alien spouse if they catch him."

"Oh, wonderful," Steve said. He nodded once. "Not like they can deport him."

"No but they can keep him in a jail cell or put him down in Gitmo," Sam said. "It's wrong but the current politics is a mess." Darcy nodded to back him up. "All right, so we'll work on the ID stuff this afternoon. See if we can get everything together. What about Thor's?"

"I asked Stark to see if he could find something," Darcy said. She shrugged a tiny bit. "Not like they'd probably accept an Asgardian birth certificate if they have them."

"Point," Sam agreed. "That would be weird." He shrugged it off. "All right, any other bad news?"

"Jane, Bruce, and I are going to be at the science conference starting tomorrow afternoon."

"The guard that went with you got jumped by a woman of questionable virtue who the reporter had paid," Steve told her. "Stark found that out."

"Oh, that's nice of him. I'm sure the guard didn't want to be sexually assaulted that way." She stood up. "Let me know where I can help." She looked at Steve. "If you break into my apartment I made fudge last night while I was worried about that article. It's in my fridge on the second shelf down and leave me the peanut butter fudge." She left.

Steve smiled then sat down with a huff. "How stupid can some people get?" he asked. "Really? Not Darcy because she's awfully sweet to us all, but reporter sorts?"

"They'll say anything to get sales," Natasha reminded him. "This will sell papers to people who are outraged and some who will claim they knew it all along. They have their own network of stupid people spouting off stupid things."

"I've seen," James said. He looked at Steve. "How do we want to fight this? Beyond punching someone?"

"That would get us in jail," he admitted. "That'd be bad. Pity but it'd be bad. I'd really like to punch them in the mouth." He sat up. "Do you think having Loki trapped in the bathroom is making all this happen?"

"No," Natasha said. "The rumors that you were secretly HYDRA have been floating around since the fifties during the inquisition they did into communist sympathizers. One of them said that he was no more a communist than you were a nazi so they went off on you and the possible reasons. It was dumb but it happened." He stared at her. She looked those hearings up online to show him. "Every few years the story tries to reappear but people keep shouting it down. Then SHIELD and everyone fell to HYDRA."

"And I nearly died fighting them," Steve said.

"Doing a lot of property damage," Sam pointed out. "That made a lot of disgruntled people. Especially since they didn't ask you anything when they called you before Congress."

"Could we come out with what happened?"

"If you write a very fast book that will come out this week," Natasha said.

"No thanks." He got back to looking up the rumors about himself. "There's some awful and stupid people out there."

"Yes there are," Natasha agreed. "And they're the same sort that think I'm only good for stress relief. Apparently you're collecting Russians," she said with a faint smile.

Steve looked up at her. "I don't remember putting you on a pretty shelf and dusting you," he said then got back to the rumors. James laughed at that. "Oh, here I am gay and a nazi sympathizer. From someone in Israel. I should sue."

"You could," Sam said. "That's libel."

Steve grinned. "Would it cause fits?"

"Probably."

"Then I'll think about that." He went back to it. James finally took the tablet from him before he cracked it and handed it back to Natasha. "I need to talk to someone about those rumors. I also need to go hit a wall or something. I doubt a punching bag will do." He walked off scowling.

James looked at Natasha. "That went better than I thought."

"Me too," Sam agreed. "He didn't break a single wall yet." They all looked up at the momentary alarm that went off after two beeps. "Was that him breaking walls?"

"Could've been the labs," Natasha said. "Who knows what Stark blew up this time."

Sam grinned. "At least it's not boring."

"Not in the least."

James walked off shaking his head. "Flirting," he said in Russian. He would try to calm down Steve in a few minutes. He didn't feel like being punched today.

***

Darcy was prepping Jane's speech materials when someone stomped up to her. "Hey, Bill," she called, waving at the person. Their guard hurried over.

"Who do you think you are to break up Thor and his girlfriend!" she shrieked.

"I didn't do anything like that. They're in gooey minded love, woman," Darcy shot back without looking at her. The woman was fighting the guard until she looked up. "I fully support Jane and Thor being together, lady. I have no idea who the fuck you are but step the hell off before I smite you like Thor smites pastries." The guard got some help to haul her off. She looked at Jane, who was shaking her head. "Well, I guess we've had our crazy run-in for the conference," she said dryly. She handed over the notes. "In order. Your charts are on the overhead projector system. I started it two cards in since the first two were introduction stuff that the announcer will give." She grinned. "Have fun."

"You should go give it for me."

"I have not a clue what I'd be talking about, Jane. I know you hate public speaking but go be a big scientist and make them have science-gasms over the new stuff you're working on. Remember, this is more than the bridge this time." Jane read them over, going to get ready to go on. She only had about ten minutes. Darcy watched from the sidelines in case something got screwed up or their security team needed to rush out so she could evacuate Jane. Jane did pretty good until one of the questions got personal.

Jane looked at that guy. "I don't answer personal questions and this isn't the forum for that. This is about science, not gossip mongering stupidity." A few of the other scientists laughed at that. She pointed at someone else. "Your question?"

"About the bridge. How hard would it be to warp it to go to other planets that aren't aligned with Asgard?"

"I've got a working theory but it's off by a lot right now. Last time it opened a portal to the ethereal plane and we got some new tentacle friends who wanted to pet us." The guy gaped. She nodded. "I goofed up that math hard so I'm reworking it right now. If I could get it, I'd gladly share that. Well, unless we get those unicorn warrior princesses Dawn told us she got sent to by accident." She shook her head quickly. "They summoned her so they could have a *hero*. She said they're a bit spoiled."

"Aww," he said, trying not to laugh. "Seriously?"

"Seriously," Jane said with a grin back. "A few landed in the tower for a few hours so Dawn could send them home. Spoiled, fashionable unicorns who thought they were great warriors like Thor's people. I don't really want to go bother them. So give me at least a year to rework the math and test it."

"Sure, Doctor Foster. We can wait." He sat down, looking at the lady beside him. She was shivering.

The next question was a bit less science oriented. "How many aliens have you met?"

"Me personally? Just the unicorn princesses that appeared, Thor's people, and an alien tree being. He was really sweet but got sucked down here by accident in an artifact. They got him home after a few days. Not a lot of vocabulary but a really sweet guy."

"And dark elves," Darcy called.

"And the dark elves that invaded London that time. I didn't talk to them but I did meet a few I had to hit with something," Jane agreed. The crowd all cheered at that. "Any other questions?"

"Are you and Thor getting married soon?" someone from the back of the room called.

"No idea," Jane said dryly. "We're figuring those things out since he doesn't have an earth birth certificate at this time and we're not sure if we can get a license with an Asgardian one. Ask us in a year." A few of the people in there pouted. One looked really pissed off but she ignored him until she was walking off the stage and that guy stood up to shout 'aliens are evil' and tried to shoot her. Darcy saw him move and pounced Jane to get her behind the table. The security team got the guy down and Bruce helped from his seat. Jane panted, looking at Darcy. "Thanks."

"Not a problem, boss lady. You good? No pains?"

"No, no pains. I'm good."

"It's clear," one of the guards said, helping them up. "To the room, ladies." They hurried off with most of the team following them. He gathered her notes and nodded at the facility's officers before following. Doctor Banner followed them up there. "She said she's okay," he said in the elevator they shared.

"I can check," Bruce told him. "Just in case." That got a nod and they were let into the suite. He moved to check Jane's stomach. "Any pains, pressure? Weird feelings?"

"Anger at the idiot," Jane said. "Otherwise, no pains, Bruce." She patted his hands. "I'm okay. I promise I'm okay."

"Good. Let me know if that changes. Stress can't be great for either of you." He stood up. "Nice pounce, Darcy."

"Thanks. Unfortunately not the first."

"I heard. She should be fine." Darcy nodded. "You two rest up here."

"Okay." She looked at Jane then at him. "We'll sneak out later for tea and cookies."

"We can pick some up for you," the head guard told her. "That way you're not exposed."

"Sure, that sounds nice. Make sure the tea's pregnancy safe," Jane said.

"I can do that, Doctor Foster. Go ahead and rest. We'll guard you both and Doctor Banner when he goes back there."

Bruce smiled. "Most of them wouldn't attack me and if they did I'd almost instantly change."

The head guard looked at him. "That won't matter if they get off a lucky head shot, Doctor Banner." Bruce winced but nodded that was true. "Mr. Stark was sure that I'd be eaten by something Miss Lewis' brother found if I let any of you get harmed." Bruce nodded. "Paul, go with Doctor Banner." He nodded, following him back to the symposium. Bruce had to speak in about thirty minutes. The guard sent one of the lower people to the tea shop they had wanted to go to. Then he settled him to make sure the ladies were fine.

***

They were in the airport, the private terminal thanks to Tony Stark, when the next run-in happened. Some woman screamed and came rushing at Jane with a knife. The guards stopped her and Darcy got Jane moved with Bruce, but had to kick someone else that tried to get near them.

"Defilers!" the woman shouted, trying to get at them.

Jane looked at her. "You're so stupid. How can you be alive and that stupid?" She huffed off. Bruce and Darcy followed through the security gate and waited until their guards got through too. Jane looked at Darcy. "I have no idea where they got the idea that you're taking Thor from me since I doubt anything outside a huge battle could."

"No clue," Darcy agreed. "But it's really stupid of them." She patted her on the arm. "Want some water? The store's right there."

"No, I'm okay. Quit fussing, Darcy."

"Okay. Just let me know." She looked at Bruce, who shook his head. "Okay, you need anything at all? I've got your meditation cd in the bag, Bruce."

"I'm good," he assured her. A guy came jogging up to them, sneering. Bruce turned and punched the guy in the face. "I don't think we need more problems."

Darcy grinned, patting him on the arm. "They always forget how fierce geeks are." He grinned. "Though I think that's a reporter."

"I knew that. He accused me of sleeping with Thor and Stark last week."

"No, I doubt that'd happen, even with prodigious alcohol," Jane quipped. "Not even the power of tequila is that strong."

Darcy was trying not to grin. "I saw that article. It accused Steve of cross dressing too."

Bruce nodded. "He scowled but huffed and said at least he'd be a classy dame, not the one they had pictured in a mock up."

"Who was actually one of the legal team for SI," Darcy told him. "I just handed it to Pepper so she could tell that very mean lady."

"I wonder how many lawsuits they have to get before they shut down," Jane said, considering it. "I know there's already four thanks to the team."

"Five," Darcy said. "I'm suing them for libel for calling me Thor's concubine and side piece."

"No, you've only slept on his arm, not with him. Though there's a few days I might've wanted to tap out so I could sleep, I'm too jealous and hoarding him for that." Jane smirked at her.

"He's too cuddly for me anyway, Janey. I'd need someone with better smutty intent. I need someone who'll kick in my door, tell me it's been a bad day, and growl that I had better be naked by the time they fix the door. Thor's a bit too romantic for me. Romance is for later, after I've tested how well they can throw me down and make me squeal like you do."

She grinned. "He does make me make a lot of noise."

Bruce shook his head. "You know that reporter's going to print that, right?"

"At least it's the truth," Darcy said with a one-sided shrug. "It'd be a novel experience for him and coworkers. Plus maybe him actually printing the truth will mean he quits pissing us off until we have to sue them into shutting down." She gave the reporter a pointed look. "Wouldn't that be better for his career?"

The guy moaned. "But you're pregnant by Thor."

"I'm not pregnant. Never have been."

"But they're hiring an OB for the tower."

"Yeah, there's some pretty important people there who need that service, dude," Darcy said. "Including a few of the admin people. Why would they want to go to an OB that might get broken into or sell their records? It could compromise Stark International." He slumped back against the ground. "Just because Stark's good enough to take care of the rest of us too doesn't mean we're all pregnant. OB/GYNs do more than just deliver babies. I know that may have confused you since you've never seen a vagina in person, but they do have multiple functions. Especially with one of the science teams working on a better, stronger, long acting birth control at the moment."

"Oh." He pouted at Jane.

"Don't give me that look. I'll smash in your face and then go have coffee. You and yours have made my recent life a living hell."

He let himself be arrested by the local guards. Their security team made it through the security gate and stomped over. He glared at Darcy. "You can't sue us."

"I can sue you. You're spreading lies about me. Especially ones that have nearly gotten me stabbed a few times. That's your fault and your trash rag of a supposed paper has spread a whole lot of lies about the team that're getting them sued. We're thinking about a class action suit at the moment there's so many counts." He whined. "Tough, buddy. Suck it up. You lie and get caught, there's consequences. Didn't you get taught that when you were a kid?" The guard nodded at them then dragged him off. "Why did the other lady and the guy I kicked want us?" she asked.

"The man you kicked is throwing up a fit that you assaulted an agent," their security head told her.

"Yeah, right," Darcy said dryly. "If I did and he was actually not trying to grab Bruce or Janey, I'd be shocked."

"Us too," they agreed. "He had a capture order on Dr. Banner." Bruce grunted in displeasure. "He's going to jail as well since it wasn't a valid arrest warrant. He said he doesn't need one because he's not human."

Darcy poked Bruce on the bicep. "He feels human. He eats and drinks like he's human. So I'm guessing that agent's either a freak or an idiot."

"He is," another security guard said with a grin. "He also called you a slayer."

"No, my brother was Council. I guess that's better than most of my brother's dates thinking I was fucking him instead of just hanging with my little brother." She shook her head quickly. "Which reason was the woman's?"

"You supposedly being a slayer," the head of the team said.

"Wow, the stupid are breeding," Jane said. "We need to find some sort of way to weed out the bad DNA from the gene pool before it gets too heavy."

Darcy hugged her. "We don't believe in eugenics even if it would improve the gene pool, Jane. It'd be evil of us and I don't want to be that sort of evil empress some year soon when you drive me there." She smiled. "I'll have different evil goals. Maybe even mandatory education since it seems to be the reason for so much stupid."

"That could be. We could use better education. I'm kind of ashamed Thor has to see that we have humans that dumb."

"Even Asgard has inbred idiots I'm sure. Xander said there were. He's run into a few of them that weren't that bright. Thor's their prince so he has to be smarter and better and of course he surrounded himself with good people to be friends with. I'm sure there's a backwoods area on Asgard."

"True. Thor told me about an area that's scary it's so inbred but he said they were generally nice people."

"That's great. So are ours to anyone who's not an outsider usually."

"Point. Well, maybe we'll figure something out then." She looked at the team. "Paperwork?"

"Yes, ma'ams." They let them fill out the arrest reports and handed them in then escorted them to the plane. Bruce went into the back bedroom area to rest for the flight back to New York. Or wherever they landed since they got diverted. The pilot announced that they got diverted because of Mr. Stark calling in a warning that they were going to try to capture Jane again. When they landed, Xander came up to help them out and get them somewhere safer. It was a grungy hotel but it was apparently a lot safer. When Darcy saw the half demon, she smiled. It was one of their safe hotels. She smiled up at her brother. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. I don't want anything to happen to you or Jane, Darce. Who else would get to nag me?" He nodded at Bruce. "I'd miss you too but not in the same way."

"Thanks." They got shown into two adjoining rooms and settled in. Jane needed a rest. Bruce was awake and calling in. He looked at his phone then at Xander. "Stark said he didn't have us diverted, it was an agent. Likely SHIELD."

Xander nodded from his seat. "So I heard." He grinned. Bruce shivered. "Yeah, they're not getting in here. They wanted you guys to divert to Texas. Hell no."

"That's what Tony said. How much longer on this screwed up ness?"

"Four years," Xander said bluntly. "Or someone has to deal with a few idiots in congress."

Bruce considered it then sighed. "Can we do something about them?"

"Yes. We can publically embarrass them," Darcy said. "I need names, Xander." He handed her his journal, letting her find the information packet he had stuffed into it. She sent out a long rant on her facebook and linked it to her twitter. And to a few progressive article sites. A few she admitted were tenuous links back but six had signed a bill to get Bruce into custody and take his humanity from him. She laid out some beautiful reasons why those ones were less than the scum in her bathtub and needed cleaned the same way. "Are we suing, Bruce?" He nodded. She noted that on the end. Then she sent it and let him read it. He smiled and went to rest for now. She looked at Xander. "Will us being here hurt them?" she asked quietly. "I don't want anyone hurt."

"I don't think they're that stupid and if they try, this is demonic mafia run. I told them why I was asking for temporary sanctuary for you guys and they agreed it was important. You don't try to hurt the people that protect you."

"Agreed," Jane said. Darcy got her laying down by fussing at her until she did the smart thing.

Xander grinned at his big sister. "You're so good at that."

"Yes I am. It's almost a super power anymore." She settled next to him, getting a hug. "How much longer do you think?"

"If you want, you can go use my house in Africa."

"I might suggest that. It's pretty and Jane's never seen the southern hemisphere's stars." She looked up at him. "Would you be safe?"

"Yeah, of course I would. I'd so kick an ass."

"Asgard said even if it was an emergency I wasn't allowed to hide up there."

"Hmm, stupid people. Well, if they try to kill you too I'm going to help you kill them back."

"Thanks. I might need the help. Not sure yet." They shared a smirk and rested for a bit. The security team had the hallway and one was on the fire escape. They had the two geek's safely in the rooms.

***

Darcy looked around the safe house Xander had inherited. Then at her brother. "Wow."

"Well yeah but he was a guy who did a lot of money transfers for people." He shrugged but grinned. "I stopped in the town to tell them I'm here and they all scowled but know I'm not in his business. They hate it when I show up because somehow there's usually an attack."

"Greatness," Jane said, looking at him. "This time?"

"It'll probably break the trend."

The head of the new security team, specially hired for being in Africa, came out of the bedroom areas. "The house is clear. We found one mouse we stomped on and a lizard in a shower. Otherwise it looks good. The pool's water tested clear and needs chlorine. The showers out there are turned off but it's just a knob if we need it. Do we have a catchment tank?"

Xander nodded. "And city water. We have a well or two and city water. The well's the backup water. We do have a septic tank though."

"Good to know. The nearest town was the one we paused in?"

"In the other direction," he said with a point. "Is a small village that has a nice market I've stopped in a few times. One of my former slayers lives in the town on the other side of that village so they've seen me there plenty. They're generally pretty nice and she won't say a word if she recognizes me. No one there will."

"Even better. The town's security?"

"Good enough," Xander admitted. "Last time I knew only a few officers were dirty and taking bribes but it was to this house's former owners. He died of cancer. I inherited it."

"Good to know. Is this something they would expect your sister to hide in?"

"Half of everyone thinks she's my girlfriend, not my sister," Xander said with a grin. "If so, you'll hear her complaining that we're not screwing."

"Plenty of his ex's fall on the negative side of the evil scale but not fully there and usually they'll work with him to get things for the slayers or for a battle," Darcy said. "A few have met me and they're really nice."

The head of the security team nodded at that. "Okay. We'll filter visitors that way."

"Stark said they have a known coworker down here."

"He's a grunter," Xander said. "Had a battle near there and he grunted at me. I quipped back that princes were usually more talkative, just look at Thor. He glared a bit but huffed when I just smirked back." He grinned at them. "It's always nicer to be in battles with people you can at least call by name."

"It is," the head of the security team agreed. "Often." Jane went to look outside. "There's no good overlook in any direction but the front door for a sniper, Doctor Foster. So the pool area is safe for you and Doctor Banner both."

"Thank you. I should probably settle in for a bit, get used to the heat." Xander looked at the thermostat, turning it to a good local temperature. She smiled at him. "Thank you, Xander."

"You're welcome." He patted Darcy on the arm. "Behave, be safe. Call, woman."

"You too. No more battles."

"Unless they happen right in front of me, I won't." She hugged him and he cuddled back. "Be safer, Sis." He grabbed his bag and left, answering the text message he had just gotten. One of his ex's was asking about the pretty lady he was putting up. The note it was his sister got a comment of 'she's cute, is she single' and he said yes but she was around Avengers most of the time so she had some high muscle standards. That special friend laughed but agreed he didn't have that many but his second-in-command did and he was single too. He'd have to introduce them.

Xander sent back an email address for Darcy. Then he got into his car and drove off. He knew there was a battle soon and his girls needed some weapons he had stored. Thankfully it had been moved closer for him already. He picked up the trailer on the way to her village and heard the squeal when he parked there that night. He grinned at her. "I bring you stuff you're going to need soon by the rumors."

"I thought I sidestepped it." She pouted.

"Not from what I've heard. They're playing poker to see who gets to take your sister as a minion."

"Well...." She considered it. "I don't hate her *that* much right now." He smirked, handing her the key to the trailer. She opened the door and blinked. "They hate me having that sort of weapons, Xander."

"You need them. You have six battles in the next four months." She stared at him. "Visions still suck."

"Eww. Damn it." He nodded, grinning at her father. "He brought me higher weapons for battles we have coming up."

"That's kind of him. Xander," he said, shaking his hand. "How bad?"

"One thinks that your other daughter will make a good minion."

"That's bad."

"Two are portal events." The father groaned. "And the other's a higher being who thinks slayers are *cute* to collect. She'll need to blow that one apart to save herself. Most of them are for that one. The two portals will be too big not to call in the local military."

"I will call them tomorrow," she said. "Are you rehired?"

"Hell no. I'd have to put up with Buffy and Willow."

"I can understand that," she quipped. "They're nagging on the bulletin boards again." Xander nodded. "They said your sister's pregnant by Thor."

"They got that from a trash rag newspaper and no she's not. Actually, Thor got a blessing on his fiancee's womb by the local demon community in New York."

"Aww. That's sweet of them."

"He really likes the lady that's rebuilding the bridge."

"That's nice. I can't understand that sort of brains but it's sweet."

He grinned. "Jane's not bad. My sister works for her."

"Which is how that rumor got started," she realized. Xander grinned and nodded. "Great."

"No, great was they tried to attack Darcy in an airport in the US."

"Oooh, dumb people." An officer strolled over. "Xander brought me weapons for my four upcoming battles." She grinned. "Two with portals."

He looked at Xander. "You rehired on?"

"No. I just got her stuff from some friends. One she'll have to blow apart to keep herself from being taken as a special friend and collected."

The officer winced. "That's bad. Can we talk on that?"

"Yeah. I was going to get a room at the inn then talk with her and the others in the morning."

"That's fine. It's late tonight." They locked up the weapons and pulled the trailer behind their house to guard it overnight. Xander went to the local inn to settle in for the night. She put onto the bulletin board that Xander had delivered her weapons because he had foreseen a few battles coming her way. Buffy got all huffy about it but Dawn sent back a 'good luck' from her and her baby kraken. Her signature had two little waving tentacles. "That is so weird," she muttered as she typed. The bulletin board translated her typing in her native language into english for everyone else. They all knew that various governments had hacked into the chat room to monitor talks about future apocalypse battles. Including her local government so it was no surprise that she woke up to the sound of a military jeep. One of them went to look at the weapons to make sure they'd work. Another one settled in her living room to ask Xander about the upcoming events.

"Sir, two of the six don't work," the weapons investigator said.

Xander held up a key. "Universal key?" That got a grin. "And the other one probably needs some soldering. I've had that happen a few times. I'm really pretty good at fixing them if it's something simple."

"It looks like it's missing a module."

"Damn." He went to look, coming back texting that contact, who said he would send it on if he found it. He hadn't realized that. Xander sent back a thank you and left it there. He sat down with a sigh. "So you have five weapons at the moment."

She nodded. "I hope it'll be enough."

"Me too. You'd look sucky as a statue on a shelf."

She hit him on the arm. "It's not what I want to end up being either. Or my sister." Xander handed over the visions he had written down. They went over the timing. One was a solar event. One had a specific village event as the timing. One was an iffy timing and he had noted that. And the other one was her birthday because she'd be eighteen then. Just absolutely the present she always wanted. Really it was.

***

Darcy looked at her newest text message. "First, how did you get my number?" she asked as she typed. "Second, ewww, I'm not into incest. Xander is my little brother and I'll be damned if I'm going to screw my brother unless the fate of the world is at hand. Thanks anyway and why would I need a weapons deal?" She sent it and got one back apologizing, he thought she was in arms like Xander was and one of his paramours. She rolled her eyes before texting back that she was an assistant sort to a scientist and Xander wasn't into arms dealing, just getting what was needed to keep the world going. If he was in arms dealing she'd be pissed at him. He sent back a laughing emoji. She sent back a 'have a nice day, I have to make lunch for my geeks' and sent it before going to cook lunch.

Suddenly alarms went off and she sighed. "If that's the Xander boyfriend that just texted me, I'm going to beat his ass." She found her brother's, or someone's, baseball bat in a closet and went to beat whoever it was to relieve some stress. Jane had been cranky for days without Thor or anyone. Her morning sickness had really picked up without her daily infusion of Asgardian sperm. So she was cranky with Bruce and Darcy, who was tired of it. Darcy hit the guy getting out of the car with a bat, smiling at him. "Hi, how're you?" she asked dryly. She hit him again as he tried to get away. "Just the person I wanted to beat to death anyway! How dare you keep me from graduating!" She hit him again. He got up and tried to get away but she chased after him with the bat.

One of the security team looked at his boss. "Should I wing him so she can catch him, sir?"

He looked then nodded. "Shoot the dead guy," he agreed. "Because that's Nick Fury." The guard shot him in the calf. Fury yelped and went down so Darcy got to hit him a few more times. The head of the security team went to find Jane. "Your assistant is beating a dead guy named Nick Fury."

Jane walked out there to stop her. "Darcy, you have to let Fury live to fix his screw ups with your academic records."

"In a minute. He won't die from this." She hit him again. "Yet." She got kicked at but hit that leg instead of his shoulder or head. "Don't you dare fight back for all the shit you gave into my life. I'll seriously kill you if if you do." She hit him on the chest and he yelped, holding his chest. "GOOD!" She got the bat taken from her by Bruce. "Hey!"

"We need him able to talk to call in to fix your academic records," Bruce said patiently. He looked at Fury. "Though I'd like a few hits myself. Jane?" She tried for the bat but he held it. "I don't think that's an approved activity for you right now, Jane. Remember, less stress."

Fury sat up slowly, holding his chest. "You're mean."

"You fucked up my life, Fury. You're about to have a rude damn day." She took a picture and posted it to her facebook with a 'who is this, he tried to break in' message. Bruce winced at that. It disappeared within five minutes but she smirked. "See how you like it."

Xander appeared in a flash of magic, looking up. "Did I need to come save my sister from the walking dead person?" he called. "I was helping one of the slayers save her sister, people!" He looked at the guy on the ground then the bat. "May I?" he asked with a grin for Bruce.

"We need him alive to fix his mistakes," Bruce said. "Will your slayer be able to save her sister?"

"Probably. I had gotten them out of the house where she had been taken to. They were on the drive back. As long as the jeep didn't die...." Darcy showed him the text messages she had gotten. "Oh, Bertty. I'll talk to Bertty later," he promised, kissing her on the forehead. "If a douchebag comes up and says," he said, repeating something in the native language. "It means he thinks you'll be his wife."

"Hell no I'm not into that and I'll fight my way out or let you rescue me." They shared a smirk. "Can we finish telling your lovers that I'm a sibling?"

"Yeah, I can do that." He put an arm around her shoulders. "So, I guess I got sent to save you from that thing."

"Or Willow thought your slayer's sister wanted to be a wife against her will, which means I should use the bat on her," Darcy agreed.

"That's actually a possibility with some of the coven and her." He considered it then sent a message. "No, Loki sent me to calm you down before you found the well of magic you might be carrying." He looked at her. "He's worried you'll become Rosenburg."

"Bullshit that'd happen. I'm not addicted to power. Do you see me walking around cackling at the power I have over the science crew?"

"No," Bruce said. "We haven't seen that yet."

"Not since one of the tequila nights on the roof," Jane admitted. "Then you were all powerful and directing the shooting stars."

"I remember that night, kind of," Darcy admitted with a grin. Xander giggled, leaning on her shoulder. Jane yelped and held her stomach. "Oh, damn."

Xander walked over, patting her stomach and then rubbing a spot. "That helped all the pregnant slayers I've seen," he said quietly. "That and a coolish bath to relax in, Darcy's Jane. Go rest in one." She pouted. "You can hit Fury later."

"No thanks. I'll go soak in the tub." She walked off pouting.

"Check the mail," Darcy called. "We got a package yesterday so it might be your tablet and notes." One of the guards went with her to grab that package for her. She looked at Fury. "So, why are you here?"

"Why are *you* here?" Fury demanded.

"I inherited it," Xander shot back. "My ex died of cancer." Fury grimaced. "Suck it, dude. You're about to pay back for all the shit you had started. Unlike Doctor Banner, I don't need a bat. I have an axe." He pulled it out and let it grow in his hand. "I'm really good with it too." Fury scooted away from him. "So, you decided to screw up my sister's life to get back at me for saving the world?"

"I thought we could recruit her."

"Then why did you deny Hill the right to fix it before you all fled for your lives?" Darcy asked. "Found that paperwork too, Fury."

"I was dead by then."

"That was the say before you died, jackass."

"I..." He stared at her. "I'll fix it."

"GOOD! Then I'll quit suing Hill once it's fixed." She stared at him. "If you thought SHIELD would make me stronger, it did. A stronger bitch." She walked off. "Xander, need lunch?"

"Just a drink please, sis. Thanks." He grinned at Bruce.

"No, I have my own things to say to him, Xander."

"I can wait." He settled on the hood of Fury's car to wait. "I'm good since I didn't have anything else to do today." Bruce smirked at him. "Really. If my slayer's sister isn't okay she'll tell me." He texted her. She sent back an angry rant until he repeated someone had stolen him by magic to go protect his sister. She huffed but said they were both fine. They were nearly home when he was stolen. Her sister's sore arm was going to be fine. He pointed out he was about two villages over. She said she'd come pick him up. He agreed and put his phone up. "My little one is going to come pick me up so I'm not without my car. Darce, you get to meet one of my girls," he called.

"That's cool. Let me know when." She brought out glasses of iced tea for everyone but Fury. She smiled at Xander, who grinned back. "I like meeting your slayers. They're always more sensible and nicer than the two you grew up with." She strolled off again. "I'm making Jane something to nibble on. Let me know if you suddenly see an Asgardian."

"Yup, can do that," Xander agreed. He sipped his drink, staring at Fury. Then at Banner. He turned around so Bruce had some privacy. He seemed like he wanted to growl some things that Xander didn't need to know about. He even put in his headphones to give them some privacy.

***

Stark got the popped up message from Darcy's facebook and sat up, glaring at the screen. Then it was erased by Hill. "Interesting." He looked at the others in the meeting. "JARVIS just popped up a message from Darcy. Fury's at their hidey hole. Looks really rough too. Like someone hit him a few times."

Steve looked at him. "Are they safe?"

"I'd hope so." He sent a message to Lewis but it was blocked. "And of course Hill has blocked Darcy's phone. Yeah, not going to work." He unblocked it for her. "That way she can call for help if Jane needs it." He sent a text message and Darcy sent one back that she had found a bat thinking it was one of Xander's ex's that had taunted her about making a porno with her brother. Tony laughed and sent back something dirtier. Darcy laughed back and said Bruce had the bat and was talking to him right now. Then Xander might get to. Tony shook his head. "Some witch stole Xander from helping a local slayer there saving her sister to go save his sister from Fury. But Bruce has the bat at the moment."

"Bat?" Steve asked.

"Lewis thought the car was a former lover of Xander's who was taunting her about having sex with him. Apparently they still haven't all found out she's his sister." Steve shook his head quickly with a sigh. "So she took the bat to Fury's head."

"Aww," Clint said. He grinned at Natasha. "She's done something on my bucket list before me."

"We could go fix that but it may lead to problems."

"If they keep us from getting back into the US, they can handle their own problems," Stark said. He looked at them. "I'd be more than happy to watch people complain at them about that."

"I'm against punishing people for what they believe," Steve said. "But after last night's riot outside about us having saved the city, without any property damage beyond one single tree, I'm going to bend that ideology."

"If they keep us out of the country we can put it on that social media stuff," James said from his seat. "Let people know who to blame."

"Works for me," Tony agreed. "Plus it's really warm down there and they have a pool. And Thor could pet his own kid."

Thor stared at him. "No one would dare pet my child."

"If the baby kicks, Darcy or her brother might pat it," Stark said. "To help Jane. Kicking hurts from what I've seen." Thor scowled. "We've got to get you two married anyway, Thor."

"True. We could do that." He looked at his friends, who all nodded. Thor had been sulky without his Jane. Even his hammer was pouty and limp looking. Loki was amused but he was the only one. "We shall do that tonight?"

"I can get us all down there tonight," Stark agreed.

"If I go, SHIELD will throw fits," Clint said. "More than they already are."

"Hell," Stark muttered. "Forgot they grounded you again like you're a naughty kid."

"It means they want him to go on a mission for them," Natasha said. "One they don't want to admit to."

"I would wish my brother in arms Clint to be at the wedding festivities."

"We may need to bring things for festivities," Pepper said as she walked in. "Hill is mad."

Tony shrugged. "She blocked off Darcy's phone so she couldn't even call for help if Jane or Bruce needs it. Sure, putting up a picture of Fury on the internet is mean but still." He smiled. "We're going to marry Thor off. Coming?"

"I wouldn't mind the vacation," she agreed. "Would it be legal in the US or on Asgard?"

"Any wedding would be legal on Asgard," Loki said as he came in. "Magic is gathering to hit us all somehow." Thor got up to go stop whatever magic user was bothering them. "They could pause on the way back at some country's civil courts to renew it if they must."

"True," Pepper agreed. "That would bring attention."

"And hopefully some safety so Thor quits hovering like one of us is his mate." He walked off shaking his head. Dawn appeared with a squeak then summoned her purse, her phone, and her pet. In that order since he wasn't in her purse. "Chit," he said dryly.

"Okay, what happened?"

"You got summoned here. Thor?" he called. He stomped in. "Someone summoned her."

"I don't know why. I was having lunch. Thankfully I put money down on the table for the tab." She petted her baby, frowning some. "Hmm, interesting magic." She walked outside and put her baby on a chair then threw up her hands and cast against it. It shorted out with a lot of lightening. She picked up her baby and petted it, then sighed and looked up. "Warn me next time," she noted. "And send me back to Spain please. I have class in two hours." She didn't disappear. So she got to huff as she complained on a call overseas. The coven finally sent her back to where she had been with her things and her pet.

Thor looked at the two shed tentacles, handing them to Stark when he stomped out. "Mortimer is shedding."

He carried them out held as far away from him as possible. His biologists had wanted to look at Mortimer. As long as they didn't create a new one.

***

Darcy came out that night to find someone lounging by the pool. "Hey." She hugged Clint. "We have him locked in a bathroom. It's good enough for Loki. It should be good enough for Nick Fury."

"That works for me. I'm only pouty that you fulfilled a bucket list item before I did."

"You can have the bat. Bruce hid it but you can find it." He grinned. "The others?"

"I'm shocked Jane's not squealing hard." He pointed. She bounded over to greet Natasha and Stark, who were both lounging in the moonlight.

Bruce came out. "Thor's growling."

"That someone else patted her tummy?" Darcy asked.

"I think just that she looks sexy in the moonlight with her stomach."

"We can let Jane model that trashy armor I got sent," Darcy quipped with a grin. "It's in there because I packed it on her in case Thor showed up at the conference."

Stark burst out laughing, shaking his head. "That's a honeymoon night thing instead probably."

Thor stomped out. "Who touched my future child?" he demanded.

"The baby kicked her and made her stomach cramp so Xander showed me how he eased that on some of his slayers, Thor. Not like he groped her."

"No. He would not. He understands honor." He was still scowling.

Darcy hit him on the arm. "If you've already abandoned her I'm going to use that bat on you for being so bad to Jane. The woman's feeling sexy and you're nearby to help her with that, Thor. That's what a lover and husband does, isn't it?" He went back in there to help his fiancee feel sexier.

Everyone paused until they heard Jane squeak loudly. Her windows were open. "I can do more than cuddle, Thor. Really I can."

"Later, my Jane."

"Sure."

The ones by the pool all shook their heads. The rest came in and went to their rooms to rest for the night.

***

Darcy snuck into Jane's room the next day, waking Jane up with a nod for the bathroom. She handed her that special outfit she had packed and winked. "Because he only cuddled last night," she hissed. "We'll put some food up for you two." She winked. "Do your hair too." She left, letting Jane put on that trashy chainmail outfit. Jane brushed her teeth then looked at herself. Maybe she'd tart herself up for Thor. She brushed her hair then looked at her makeup kit, putting on some lip stain. A bit of eyeliner too. She heard Thor moving and checked herself, shaking her head. Darcy has some weird ideas. But the look on Thor's face when she opened the bathroom door was well worth the scratchy chainmail she wouldn't be wearing for too long.

Thor stared at her, growling some. "You tempt me, Jane."

She grinned. "Really? Should I go show it off to Sif? She wanted to see how bad this was."

"I doubt the others need to see you in that." He picked her up and tossed her onto the bed. He calmed himself before he ripped that cheap chainmail off her. Then he decided it was a good idea. That way he wouldn't be tempted again. It took him a few tugs but he managed to weaken a seam enough to rip the top off her. The bottoms she wiggled out of. "That helps me greatly." He pounced her to make her squeal as a proper wife does.

Outside, Stark looked up. He was barely awake. "Thor's awake," he announced.

"I put Jane in that chainmail outfit," Darcy said with a smile. "I said we'd save her some food."

Sif walked out of the bedroom area blushing. "I hear a growl from Thor."

"I put Jane in that chainmail outfit since he only cuddled her last night," Darcy quipped with a grin.

Sif hugged her. "Nice work, Darcy." She moved to get some coffee and food. The Warriors Three came out and they were avoiding the noise.

Jane let out one awesome squeal. "Nice work, Darcy," Natasha said.

"She was missing him. No one else used her as a teddy bear at night."

"Thankfully Thor never did that on camping trips during battles," Sif said. "I would've smote him. Though Fandral usually shared his tent."

"I do not cuddle," he shot back. "Not even our prince."

"If Thor's into polyandry, that's cool with all of us," Stark told him. "Or even polyfidelity."

"I think Thor's more possessive," Darcy told him with a grin. "She's his. Any others would've been fun. Though if he ever cheats on her, I'm going to emasculate him and feed it to him." She sipped her coffee. "Gotta protect the Jane."

Stark looked at her. "We'd all get out of the way, Lewis. We know you can be mean." She grinned and added more eggs to his plate. "Thanks." Pepper came out. "Food, Pep?"

"Just some tea for right now." She smiled at Clint since he was cooking again. "I don't usually eat for a few hours after I get up." He pointed at the water on the stove. She made her tea and sat down. Jane's sudden and loud shriek made her flinch. "Wow. He missed her." She took a sip of her tea. Darcy was frowning. "She should be fine."

"I think she passed out." She got to work on Jane's morning fruit and tea. So when Thor came out she handed him a large bowl and a teapot with a grin. He nodded and went back to his Jane. She followed with two cups and then closed them in again. Jane could wake up eventually.

Pepper was smiling at Tony. "He's very good to her."

"He is," he agreed. "And very loud with her."

"Loud just means it's too good to hide," Darcy quipped. "If it's that good you can't stay quiet," she said at Pepper's pointed look. "It's impossible."

"It is," she agreed. "I've been loud a number of times." Tony looked smug as he dug into his eggs. "The wedding?"

"Tomorrow," Clint said. "Natasha was getting someone official."

"If I need to I can ask Xander if he knows someone. One of his slayers is in a village a few over."

"If we can't find one," Natasha agreed from her seat. "Did Fury sneak out?"

"No. I put an alarm on the closet door," Clint said. "I let him hit the bathroom for a few minutes then put him back in there when I got up since that one's got the water shut off."

"Excellent." She delicately ate a bit of her eggs. Steve walked out blushing with James following him. "He's celebrating with that chainmail that someone sent Darcy."

"I heard." He got handed a plate by Darcy, who handed one to James too. They got food and sat down on the couch. Darcy got up to relieve Clint at the stove, letting him go sit down to eat and slurp coffee.

James looked over at Natasha then at Clint. "Thank you for cooking, Barton."

"I know that some of us are wary about food," he said with a nod at Natasha. "It was cook for us or taste test for her."

Darcy stared at Natasha. "Why didn't you tell me that? I would've let you watch me cooking stuff I made for you or however you needed me to do it."

"I know you would not poison us on purpose, Darcy. Calm down. I like how Clint does my eggs."

"Fine. You let me know if you have those things. I'll gladly do what you need so you can quit stressing over that little stuff." She got back to cooking up the leftovers. A plate got put in front of Pepper. "For when you're ready." Another serving got handed to Bruce and James, then Steve got the rest of the eggs and toast. "You two need to eat more." She had made a tiny plate and handed it to Clint. "For Fury. He can eat in the closet." He nodded, taking it to hand over then came back to finish his coffee.

"Thor! Be more careful before the baby gets a concussion!" Jane shouted.

"I don't think that's possible with the water sack around it," Bruce quipped then stuffed his mouth with toast.

"Probably not," Darcy agreed, considering it. "Though it might bruise her cervix." She shrugged. "She's not really complaining. I won't go save that lucky, lucky woman." She sat down with her bit of seconds. The next yell Darcy shook her head at. "She's faking that. Do it better, Thor, she's not squealing!" she yelled. "She needs to squeal harder!" Stark stared at her. Then Jane squealed loudly. "See, closer to real than the fake stuff." She grinned and ate her food. Jane suddenly shrieked and moaned then went silent again. "That's better."

"She'll need to be able to walk to the ceremony," Natasha noted. "Unless we wish to carry her on a chair?"

"If she cannot walk she should worship his godly thighs," Hogun said. "My wife said such the one time I made her that tired and sore." He ate his last bite of toast.

Sif looked at him. "Your wife was not pregnant or as thin as Jane Foster."

"I feed Jane as often as I can get her to eat," Darcy quipped.

"Some women are naturally that skinny," Pepper agreed. "I can't keep weight on either."

Tony leered at her. "I love all your pointy bits just as much as your squishy parts, Pep."

She swatted him but grinned as she sipped her tea.

"Thankfully I am married so I am more immune to such mushy moods," Hogun joked, grinning at Pepper. "Were my wife here, she would be cooing muchly and in my lap by now."

"I don't sit on him in public. People might want to share me." He laughed but nodded, patting her on the shoulder.

Darcy's phone rang and she stared at it. "Oh my fucking god, people!" She typed back at them. "Still not fucking my brother, Buffy. Get over it. Xander has plenty of lovers and I've never been one." She sent it and walked off shaking her head. "She's got brain damage from the hair dye," she complained. "Or from Rosenburg doing magic on her again."

The others all smiled at her back. It was fun watching her fight back at people who thought she should screw her little brother.

***

Heimdall appeared with the end of the bridge and gave Thor a sorry look then got out of the way. "The head of the Asgardian Council," he announced.

"Heimdall, you can celebrate with us," Darcy said, pulling him off the bridge. "Come, there's food and beer. Plus cake."

"Thank thee, Darcy." He settled in, looking at Thor. Darcy disappeared to go help Jane get ready.

"Why not hold this nuptial event on Asgard?" the head of the council demanded.

"Because she would get sick," Sif told him. "It is not a good idea at this time."

"Is she that fragile? If so, she is not a proper consort to our prince."

Thor scowled at him. "She is not fragile. She proved it by helping me defeat the dark elves that invaded Midgard with Lady Darcy." He looked at the officiant. Who was talking with Natasha and smiling. "Thank thee for overseeing our vows," he said, shaking his hand.

"It's not a problem, Prince Thor. Such happy occasions should be noted officially and happily." A song started on the stereo system that fed the pool area. Darcy came out and threw open both doors, stepping to the right so Jane could walk out. The dress barely showed her stomach but she was glowing and happy. They had managed to get her hair to curl some and she was wearing some of Sif's jewelry as hers today. Darcy followed Jane down, fluffing up the veil they had made from some simple lace they had found in the market. Then she took Jane's flowers to hold for her. Clint was standing up for Thor.

The officiant smiled at them. "It's a happy occasion when we can celebrate a wanted, happy union between two people who know their own mind. Any God would be pleased at how happy these two are together. Let no man tear assunder what our God and Asgard's deities have put together." He opened his book to read a short passage about love then looked at the couple. "Jane, do you vow yourself to Thor?"

"I do."

"Tell Thor of your vows."

She looked at him, then cleared her throat a few times. "I...I tried for hours to figure out what to say about us and how good we are together. I can figure it out in a math formula, I can figure it out in science, but I'm not a woman of words. Especially not mushy words. I'll show you the math later if you want." She smiled when he chuckled. "I wish I had words for this but ...." She held his hands and smiled at him. "Forgive me for being math smart instead of word smart?"

"Of course my Jane, always."

"Prince Thor, do you vow yourself to Jane?"

"I do."

"Then tell Jane of your vows."

He grinned at her. "I have been warned not to speak in a saga length speech of what you mean to me and my life, My Jane. So I will keep it brief. I do adore and love you, and our future family. Even our made family around us will not mean as much to me as you do." He kissed the back of her hands, ignoring Pepper being sniffly. "I vow my love, my affections, and my life to you and our family together." Jane sniffled but smiled and nodded.

"The rings?" the officiant asked. Darcy patted herself and handed them over. They were generic ones but Thor could find more special ones later, maybe for the ceremony he'd eventually hold on Asgard. The officiant blessed the rings, then handed them to Thor first. Jane took Thor's. "Mark them as yours so everyone has a clear sign not to interrupt your vows." Thor slid his ring onto Jane's finger. Jane did the same to Thor's. The minister smiled. "I now pronounce you married in the eyes of humans. You may seal the union with a kiss." Jane got dipped back by Thor. The minister smiled. "Celebrate with your friends and family as is traditional." Jane got let up and she was grinning up at Thor, who carried her off.

"They'll be back in twenty minutes," Stark quipped. "Thank you, Minister." He paid him and let him get food to go. Then Stark turned up the music to cover Jane's breathy moans. "Food, people. Let's celebrate until they come out to eat." They got food and sat around to eat and talk.

Darcy got Heimdall a plate with a grin. "So you get some treats too." She pointed. "That's asparagus. It's a stalky thing that's grilled in that case and there's hollandaise sauce over there if you want some. That's mini pork meatballs with sage. Those are soft boiled eggs inside a crust. Also goes well with the sauce. And that's cheese." She walked off. "Want a beer, Heimdall?"

"Please, Darcy." She handed him a bottle already opened. "Thank thee."

"Welcome." She smiled at the sniffly Pepper, who was staring at Tony. She leaned down next to her ear. "Should I go stop the minister?" she hissed. Pepper shook her head quickly, smiling at her. "Okay, just making sure." She bounced off to get some of her own food and drink. Clint was staring at a dish. "That's a stewed beef and pork dish, Clint. A local dish. Xander gave me the recipe from his local slayer."

"Okay. Bread to eat it with?" She pointed at the pre-made bread. "That'll work. Thanks, Darcy." He got himself food and sat down by the pool, getting comfortable.

Natasha smiled at Darcy. "We made a lot of food."

"We did, but it means we don't need to cook lunch tomorrow probably. Leftovers rock." Natasha laughed but nodded. She went to sit near Clint but not next to him.

Darcy settled down and smiled at Stark. "We did a great job."

"We did," he agreed. He looked around. Jane let out a loud moan. He smiled. "At least she's fine." Darcy was looking worried. "That wasn't pain, Lewis. That's he's giving her a backrub."

"She could probably use it." She and Thor came out in shorts and t-shirts. They both could use the sun exposure. "The bottle of sunscreen is on the window ledge, Jane." She pointed. Jane got it and let Thor oil her exposed skin down.

The head of the council of Asgard stared at her stomach. "I see you handfasted first, Thor," he said.

Thor stared at him, nodding some. "It was not intended but we were to have some one day. We just moved it up thanks to a blessing on us by some peaceful beings from other planes."

"And there's news," Jane announced, making everyone stare at her. "It's a daughter." A few paid off bets. "And she's huge. Already twenty percent bigger than usual humans are. The OB is being very cautious but I'm good to do most things still."

"Yep, I'll just make sure you eat more often and rest too," Darcy quipped. Jane grinned and nodded. "Down here, do we have a local OB?" she asked Tony, who nodded. "That's good."

"It'll be fine," Pepper assured her with a smile. "Most mothers do fine. No health concerns, Jane?"

"I'm underweight, no matter how often Darcy nags." She shrugged. "She agreed my body looked healthier once I had an infusion of Thor daily again." Pepper laughed but was smiling. "So we're good. And don't want a baby shower, Darcy."

"Fine," she said, flapping a hand at her. "We'll just buy baby stuff and let it appear in the nursery."

"I'll decorate the nursery," Pepper assured her. "That way it's subtle."

"I found a darling rainbow pattern but people told me it'd make Heimdall blush thinking it was nominating the baby to his position." She showed Pepper. "It's bright, airy, and we can make the rainbows in swirls and other patterns for the baby to stare at."

"That's very bright," Pepper agreed. "Their nursery doesn't get that sort of sun exposure. It's late afternoon sun if I remember right." Darcy showed her two others she liked. "I like that middle one." Jane came over to look and smiled, walking off shaking her head. "You don't like, Jane?"

"It's really fussy, Pepper and Darcy. Can't we just paint it a color, put in baby furniture, and a mobile?"

"Of course," Darcy agreed. "What sort of colors?"

"I like purple. I know someone warned me about pink." She looked at Hogun, who shrugged but grinned. "Purple?" she asked Thor. Who nodded. "Purple."

"We can do shades of purple," Pepper assured her with a grin. "Anything like stickers on the wall? Sea creatures? Mythical creatures?"

"I saw pictures from Xander that showed a unicorn and dragon themed nursery," Darcy quipped. "Painted on the wall and they found unicorn sheets and dragon sheets somewhere. It was purple and silver."

"I don't mind purple and silver," Thor admitted. "No dragons though. It may scare my daughter."

"It's your daughter, Thor. She'd tried to beat it as soon as she could," Fandral quipped. Thor smirked at him. "We will have to find cutesy stuffed things for her to coo at."

"And books," Darcy said. "Reading to babies makes them smarter."

"Aye, my mother read to me often," Thor agreed. Jane grinned up at him. "Though my mother did demand help in changing the diapers we had."

"Diapers are gross," Pepper said. "If you two want a nanny to help I'll help you find one."

"Thank thee, Pepper," Hogun quipped. "I cannot see Thor not reacting in horror at the nastiness that babies crap out."

Thor nodded. "Could be," he agreed. "I have barely seen that sort of sight."

Jane shuddered. "I'd rather not think about it before we eat, Thor."

"Aye, that would not be good conversation over meals." He went to get them food, handing Jane some iced tea and food. They settled in to talk until it was time to cut the cake. After the traditional cake cutting, Thor sat down beside the councilor. "Thank you for coming to celebrate with us today."

The councilor looked at him. "You must still have a proper ceremony on Asgard, Thor. She must vow as your consort." He nodded he knew that. "But with this quaint ceremony we can agree that you married and handfasted." He stared at him. "There are those who would not want the daughter to come into being and may even see her as a problem."

"Those sort will meet my hammer quickly and hard."

"Understood. Your brother?"

"We set up a video system so he could see it," Darcy said with a point at the camera. "It leads back to a screen where he's being held." She got Heimdall another beer with a wink. "Any chance of getting my brother a good lover from up there?"

"Many up there would find fun with him but not for good. It's a shame."

"It is," she agreed. "My brother needs someone to love him beyond me."

"He is quite special," he agreed. He stood up and kissed her on the forehead. "If you wanted to know about that incident you wondered of, ask me yourself," he said with a mean smirk.

"Hey, if you want to do a show and tell..." He walked off laughing. Which means she got to stare at his ass. Sif was giggling. "I'm sure it was pretty. Or pretty hot." She went to get herself another glass of tea and then lounge some more. Bruce looked at her. "Xander told me there was a situation with a naked Heimdall."

Bruce was smiling but shaking his head. "I don't need to know." She giggled. Thor and Jane were sitting together again and she was giggling at something he was saying.

The councilor went back with Heimdall to tell the rest of the Council. He faced the room. "I just spent time with our prince during his human wedding." A few started to shout. He held up a hand. "They will have a daughter soon so hurried it along to have a legal wedding on Midgard. There are those down there that think Thor improper."

"So our prince is due to become a father," one said, glaring at the others. "Is she healthy?"

"As far as we know. After the...quaint ceremony, she announced it was a daughter. I have been told they will move to another area that is recognized by more countries for another legal ceremony. Some countries do not recognize marriages done religiously in other areas." That got a nod from a few. "After she is recovered from the birth, they will show up here to do a formal vowing ceremony for us." He looked at one person.

"He has vowed that if any should come near his wife and child, he would meet them with his hammer." He looked at the rest again. "It was...quaint. Jane Foster said she is not a lady of words, but of math. She promised to show him the math problem she had done to work out how strong they are as a couple." One of the Councilors smiled. "Thor vowed not to speak in saga or skald length. It was very sweet of them. Her lady in waiting even fed Heimdall so he would not go hungry." He sat down.

"We must see if the child would thrive on Asgard," one of them said. "Being half human might weaken their bodies or life spans."

"We can tell once she delivers," the head of the council agreed. "He knows he must have a proper heir to the throne. If something happens so she cannot deliver again, we will talk to him about it. She has announced the child is rather larger than human ones. Twenty percent larger she said."

"So built more like one of ours," another said with a nod. "That is good news."

"They have methods of taking the child if it's a danger to the mother," the head one said. "I asked Thor's friend Stark about thus. He outlined how they can do a surgery to remove a child at term or when necessary if it is ill."

"So it won't kill her in birth," another agreed. "That is good. Thor would mope for ages and probably not remarry unless forced."

"What of her lady in waiting? If she had to would she spare her lady's womb?"

"I did not ask but I doubt she would as we've banned her from Asgard," the head of the Council said. "One of their battle friends told me that she was the same one that we denied entry to even if it was an emergency because she would not thrive up here. She basically vowed to end us all if we endanger her life." A few laughed. "I would not laugh. Her brother is the one that saved the dwarven princess."

"So he's the one that freed those female warriors from our training academy," the top female in the kingdom said as she walked in. "We heard they wanted entry."

The head of the council shook his head. "They were slayers, Midgardian Valkyries who battle against beings from other planes. They came up to prove their worth and to find worthy ones to date them as apparently most humans are not into warrior women. They took over the school by winning sparring matches and claiming the warriors. He came up to nag them and remove them because they were too young and arrogant.

"Apparently our warriors do not meet up to Midgardian warrior standards." She huffed. He stared at her. "You can ask the head of the school. I heard from him about that incident." He looked at the others. "The Midgardian Valkyries have went from one to many. There's now hundreds. They have asked if we have a proper warrior who can refine their training they would enjoy it as many of the girls are a bit pouty due to their ages."

"If I knew one," the head of another faction said, shifting in his seat. "I saw one of their battles when I went to talk about Loki. They were impressive and used both swords and higher weapons. There were some that used magic in the rear lines to aid them but they were strong and defeated the evil one within hours."

"Hours?" the woman demanded with a snort at the end.

"We could not do better," he assured her. "The evil that time was a full army." She piped down. He looked at their chosen head. "Thor is happy?"

"He is. Or at least he appears to be mostly. He made her laugh and giggle like a girl. His friends all enjoyed them being happy. Sif even smiled at their union. She was not jealous of Jane Foster in the least. The Warriors Three stood up for him as friends as he did not need a true honor guard."

"That's fine," that faction head said with a nod. "Calling you made it officially recognized to us." The head of the council smiled and nodded. "When can we expect the other ceremony?"

"Once she's recovered. That's all they said." He cleared his throat. "Also, did we realize she's the one working on the science of the bridge and of stars?" They all shook their heads. "She is. Thor married a science person instead of a warrior to stand beside him."

"That's interesting," the head woman said dryly. "We can send her someone to raise the child properly."

"We can add one," the head of the council said. "They can find one from her people as it has to represent both."

"She'll be our princess some day."

"Yes, and probably like her mother. If his own mother had liked science, she and Jane would have been much alike. When they met, Frigga was most happy with her future daughter-in-law and died defending her." They all grimaced but a few nodded they remembered. "They even were kind enough to broadcast the ceremony to Loki in his incarceration."

"So she has her kind moments and sympathy," the head woman decided. "Fine. We will welcome her when she comes up. I'll have Heimdall figure out her size so we can prepare the wedding dress she'll need." She went to talk to him. He let her see a replay of the event, making her sigh in pleasure. "She is a good foil for Thor when he pretends not to be smart enough to be a man instead of a boy." He nodded, looking down at her. "We must plan their future ceremony and her gown."

He held up a hand. "She comes up to here on me, her waist is normally about three hands width of mine. Her chest is smaller and flatter. Her hips do not mirror her chest but nearly so and are flat in all directions. She is not voluptuous."

"I can work on that then tailor it to her when she comes up." She patted him on the arm. "Is that other her lady in waiting?"

"The redhead is the one who runs Friend Stark's company with him. She is his girlfriend sometimes. He loses himself in his thoughts. As does Jane Foster at times. The brunette," he said with a point. "Is her assistant and lady in waiting. Also the sister of the one who saved the dwarven princess."

"Interesting how people connect." She looked at her. "I wish Thor had married someone like that one. She is more glamorous for the women to look up to."

"Jane Foster can be if she wills it to be but she is more interested in her mind than her body."

"Fine. She'll put up with those duties I expect." She went to tell the other ladies of the palace. "We have a new princess," she announced.

"Loki wed?" one asked, grimacing in disgust.

"Thor married his science woman." They all stared. She nodded once. "She bears him a daughter soon so they wed on Midgard earlier." She sat down. "Heimdall seemed pleased at her mind and demeanor."

"Lady Sif must be displeased," one said quietly, looking outside.

"She attended and looked pleased at their union." The woman all nodded. "She is about armpit height on Heimdall. Her mind is strong. She studies the bridge and the stars."

"So our future queen is a thinker," another, older, woman said with a nod. "That is good for Thor's rule. We can find him someone to care for their children."

"She'll have some from her people as well," she warned.

"That's reasonable." She looked at the other ladies then at her boss. "We can start planning their vows up here."

"We can but it will be after she delivers. She announced it was a daughter and a bit large."

"Thor is massive," the youngest in the room said with a giggle. A few of the women smiled and nodded.

"His Jane Foster is not one for glamorous gowns," the head woman said. "She is more often found in comfortable, reasonable clothes." A few of the women frowned. "We'll have to see how to incorporate gowns when she must do events. For now, start to design her wedding gown." She measured out what Heimdall had said. "Make it a bit larger so we can tailor it down."

"A birthing will change a woman's body," the oldest one said dryly. "It certainly did mine." A few of the women laughed. "Are they going to set up a proper nursery?"

"They showed a few of the women talking of thus, and decided on purple and silver." A young one cooed at that. "We can send down Thor's own crib for his daughter. And hopefully a later son. It should be strong enough to hold them if it held for him." One of the older women went to find Thor's nursery suite to send down to their prince. He would need it soon enough.

Down on Earth, Darcy wandered out of her bedroom to see what that thump had been. She looked at the note, nodding. "Yeah, that'll help. Hey, Pepper, Asgard sent down Thor's old crib and changing table," she called.

Pepper came out to look, testing one. "Very sturdy even after all this time."

"Which means it's sturdy enough for Thor not to break it," Darcy agreed, sharing a grin with her. "Looks like a wooden playpen too."

"We can work around that and the color's a pretty one to go with their colors."

"I'll find the sheets?" Darcy offered.

"I can do that. Find me stencils."

"I can do that." They went back to their rooms. They couldn't sleep thanks to Jane's giggling about Thor talking to his daughter. Well, and Pepper was being kept up by Tony.

***

A few days later, Tony was at the airport to go home and was stopped. "I'm sorry, sir, but you're not allowed to board your plane," the immigration agent said. "The US has said that your visa has expired."

"I'm a US born citizen. They can't keep me out of my own country."

"Orders have come down that you're not allowed back in the country at this time. We have no idea why or anything to do with it," he said when Doctor Banner huffed. "You can contact the State Department or the local embassy is about six blocks away." He pointed in the right direction.

"Fine. It's a private flight. Anyone not have a problem?" he asked.

"They told me I'm not human so I have to have special paperwork," Bruce said dryly.

"Okay. Anyone allowed?" Clint waved a hand. "Want to go back?"

"Nope. Not by myself because that's a plot and I'd hate to be arrested for kicking asses on the other side."

"Embassy?" Natasha guessed. Tony nodded. They got driven to the embassy and walked in. Natasha was also emailing Coulson's office.

Tony walked in first and the man at the desk stared at him. "For some reason US Citizens aren't allowed back in their country?"

"I know nothing about that, sir. Do you have an appointment?"

"Just get me someone before I relocate my company out of the US." He called back and an underling came out. "Can you explain why US Citizens aren't allowed back in the US?"

"I have no idea about that, sir. Do you have an appointment?" he asked with a smile. Tony glared at him. "I'll go ask the minister if he has time to deal with this. Does this involve all of you?"

"All but me," Clint said. "Though that's a plot since I'm a former agent."

"Oh, I see." He went to tell the minister, who was already taking something for his headache. "Angry people to see you. They said they're not being allowed back in the US even though they're citizens?"

"I heard. It's a plan by someone."

"Since I recognize one as one of those Avengers sort, that means the US has to handle their own emergencies, sir. Are we going to be in danger from that?"

"We're over here. They won't be attacking here."

"Bet me," Stark said from the doorway, looking smug. "Demon portal related event in six days. I know someone who was watchers council."

"That's a horrifying thought. Who're you, sir?"

"Tony Stark. Head of Stark International."

"Oh, dear."

"Oh, yeah. And if they want us to go on vacation so much I don't want to hear a *thing* from anyone we weren't able to save. Because we will turn on them." He stared at him. "Beyond that, Bruce, myself, Pepper, Steve, and James are all US citizens. Native born US citizens. You can't really keep us out of our own country."

"No, sir, but they want to make you go into hiding. The head of the State Department is very against your team."

"They can do it themselves then. I can gladly put that out on social media if they want."

"Please don't. Someone will attack within days."

"It's probably going to be within weeks anyway," Pepper said from behind Tony. "It's unfortunate but by doing this, they just cancelled all the agreements we have with the US government about making things for the military and others. Plus it lets us think greatly about moving the company and all those nice high paying jobs from the US." She smiled slightly. "I have no problem moving my people somewhere safer. Maybe England or Scotland." She looked at Tony.

"I do look geeky in a kilt," he admitted with a smile for her. Then a smirk for them. "You can pass that on?" The senior official nodded. "Good. We'll be finding a place for a few weeks of vacation. We'll warn New York ourselves. Let us know when it's solved." He tossed over one of his cards. Then he walked off with Pepper. "The head of the State Department is behind this."

"Coulson's talking to the president," Natasha said, putting her phone up. "He's very upset."

"He's going to be very upset that this action canceled all our contracts with the US," Pepper said with a slight smile. "Including SHIELD." Natasha nodded once, pulling out her phone to add that. "Clint, did they prove the plot?"

"Yup, sure did. The FBI wants to capture me to make me work for them. I'm not into slavery. So....vacation? Going to barge in on Jane and Darcy again?"

"No. That would be mean to Thor," Pepper said. "They deserve a honeymoon." She looked at Tony. "Local or somewhere else?"

"Local will have a demon event in six days," Tony reminded her.

"We can help," Steve said. "If the slayers need it I can help if no one else will." James hit him on the arm. "Or we can."

Pepper pulled out her phone to text Xander, who said it shouldn't be that bad but the one after that should be. Unless another demon jumps in during it. She showed Steve, who nodded. She looked at Tony then at Steve again. "Locally or where?"

"We'll figure it out from the hotel tonight," Tony decided. They nodded, letting him handle that while they got moved there. Hopefully it'd be fixed tonight. Especially after Tony noted on twitter that all his upcoming meetings were canceled due to the State Department being pouty and not letting US citizens back into the country. Pepper sent out a letter a few places that noted the action of keeping them out of the country meant they were within their rights to cancel any and all contracts with Stark International.

Plus that it violated the agreement to keep the company in the US to help protect people. Natasha backed Pepper's statements up with Steve and put out the information on the plot to capture Clint to make him a slave of the FBI. Steve's statement of disappointment at this political wrangling was going to make a lot of people frown. Tony's final statement was he hoped no one attacked the US while they couldn't get there and he hoped the slayers would be backed up by other agents who had sense and skills instead of the usual ones.

***

In the new headquarters of SHIELD, Skye read the tweets and moaned. "Coulson!" she yelled.

"He's in DC," Melinda May complained. "What's happened now?" Skye let her see those tweets. "Oh, dear. I'll send agents to hover in New York just in case." She went to send people to do that.

Skye forwarded the saved tweets to Coulson's phone, making him swear in DC when he saw it. She got up to go find out where she'd be stationed for this upcoming emergency. She looked at Melinda. "Did we realize that they're still holding Loki hostage at the tower?" she asked.

"I've called Hill. She's not amused."

"I wouldn't be amused at being not allowed back in. Where do you want me?"

"Computer services. Find rumors of upcoming attacks." Skye nodded, going back to her office to do that.

***
Part 7 by Voracity2
Coulson looked at his phone since he was waiting on the president to become available. He muttered a few swears, sending back orders to Melinda. "This is going to be bad." He was shown in. "Sir, I'm aware that you wanted to talk about putting a new head in charge of SHIELD. Are you aware of the plot to keep the Avengers out of the US as well?"

"There's a plot?" he demanded sarcastically. Coulson got the information from Skye, showing him. "Oh, that is. Who is this one the FBI wants to use?"

"Barton. Hawkeye."

"He won't sign up?" he asked, looking up at his minion.

"No, sir. He didn't really want to work for SHIELD when we recruited him and he doesn't want to work for any other agency at this time."

"We can force it."

"Slavery's still illegal in the US, sir. Conscripting him without reason is slavery."

"He's got a few felonies I'm sure," he said smugly. "Like when he took down the helicarrier."

"He was under possession by whatever was in Loki's staff at that time. For that matter, Loki was under possession by whatever was in his staff at that time. He was absolved of that incident since he was not in control of himself."

"So if it was drunk he'd be in jail," the president sneered.

"Exactly. Being drunk is a choice. Being possessed because he tried to keep Loki from leaving the facility in New Mexico was not. Loki got him during that fight."

"Oh." He grimaced. "I see. I'll tell the head of the FBI that so he amend his plans."

"Sir, Clint Barton will not ever work for the FBI. They've proven themselves inadequate when he had to work with them in the past. They've proven themselves very petty and annoying when he had to work with them in the past. Also, he's a sniper and the FBI doesn't deal with things that would need one. And before you suggest the CIA or the NSA would, he would bring them down from the inside due to many of their questionable actions. He does have a strong code of conduct he lives by. That's why he nearly quit SHIELD five times in a year."

"I don't like your tone, Coulson."

"I'm sorry you don't like the truth, sir, but that's not my fault. If people knew what those two agencies did they would be horrified. Barton has seen that up close and personal when they tried to take him out while on missions because he was doing his job."

"He could."

"He nearly died twice thanks to them. He won't, sir. Ever. He'll expose them to the press. He won't work for or with them. Nick Fury put him in jail for six weeks for refusing an assignment because he'd have to work with them. Then he found out that they had planned it that way to look heroic by taking out the sniper that was there for their target. Fury congratulated Barton on having sense." The president glared at him. Coulson stared back. "Also, most of the avengers members are US citizens. There's no legal way to keep citizens from the country."

"We can rescind it."

"All but Natasha were born in the US," he corrected. "You can't unmake their births."

"I hear things about wish demons."

"You can attempt that but I can guarantee you won't like the outcome since that would mean that HYDRA would've taken over the US." The president stared. "Or we would've lost World War II since Steve Rogers was included."

"I don't like this talk."

"It's not my fault you don't like the truth, sir. I can only point out the truth and then deal with the fallout since it got reported on social media."

"We can remove that."

Coulson looked at twitter. "Stark's statement is trending. Fifth in the top ten at the moment. They put it out approximately forty minutes ago." He got into that tweet, glancing over the replies. "Most of them are 'I hope we don't get attacked while they're on forced vacation' and a few 'the army can do their job instead' and one that's bitter that Steve Rogers hates the US's actions." He looked at the president. "Also, be aware that Miss Potts has said that doing this voided all the contracts with the US government. Including the new body armor and shielding technologies they have in the making for us. In fact it voided the contract to keep SI in the US to help protect it. The Iron Man contract Nick Fury worked out." He put his phone back up. "So your military won't have updated body armor."

"We can remake those," he sneered.

Coulson shook his head. "No you can't. Pepper Potts isn't going to do a thing that you want."

"It'll ruin the company."

Coulson smirked slightly. "Like when Tony Stark announced they wouldn't make weapons anymore? This is only ten percent of the company's business, sir. They diversified since then. It won't hurt SI any outside the hatred by pro-military people for not giving them upgraded body armor to protect the military. So even if she is nagged into renegotiating it, it'll definitely be more of a cost and benefit them more than the US."

"She's just a woman." He waved a hand.

"Yes, one who has put up with the most annoying man in the world today at close range for over fifteen years. You and whining generals have nothing on Tony Stark's attitude. She can withstand him, and did for years while cleaning up his messes. She won't fold just because people complain at her, sir."

"I say she will. She'll be forced to."

"SI is a privately held company. They don't have to do a single thing for anyone. Especially not since she's one of those being denied entry back into the US."

"She was over there?"

"She and the others went for Thor's wedding." The president stood up, glaring at him. "I'm told it was a sweet, small ceremony with their friends and family there."

"It is not legal, Agent Coulson," he said firmly.

"It is legal. The minister over there said it was. They made sure."

"He's a demon!"

"He's a man from another realm," Coulson corrected. "You may be able to make a case for illegal alien but there's no formal way of granting visas from Asgard at this time. The State Department thought about setting up an embassy but they weren't happy that their ideas were considered weird. A few were also considered insulting. At least they asked someone who had some knowledge but that was about the only good point of that idea."

"He is not human!" he shouted.

"According to many good geneticists, all humans show some Asgardian DNA. They found six markers that had to come from Asgardian DNA. It was reported at the recent conference at Culver University. I can have someone forward a copy of that tape if you wanted to see it."

"They were wrong!"

"It was peer reviewed before being submitted to the conference. Others found the same markers and traced it back using a few samples of blood SHIELD had on file. When some of the scientists fled the falling in of all the agencies, they took their information and files with them."

"That was classified information. We can arrest them for that and take that information."

"It wasn't that classified. Barely a level four classification, sir. It's also went to nineteen universities. Some of it was also in that information dump from SHIELD's servers. You can't remove everything from the internet."

"We can stop those universities. It's a danger to the US."

"Sir, all but six of the universities are outside the US. They're a mix of private and public universities. We tried to get a bit of information that was truly classified about actual aliens back but we would've had to fight Cambridge and the university in Germany that has it. If we had went to court, it would've still been in court when my great-grandchildren could've fought it. Then it'd be appealed."

"We're the government, we can work faster," he sneered.

"If you wish to spend the budget for the Pentagon on a court case, sir, I can't stop you but that would be per university per country. Only one university has cooperated by classifying it but they have let a few worthwhile projects access it because it was important to humanity. Two were cancer research if I remember right and the other one was a genetics project that had nothing to do with this topic but was about seeing if they could copy and paste some specific genes into our DNA to fix some fatal birth defects. Even Nick Fury couldn't argue about that one when he heard, sir."

"He's dead."

Coulson shook his head. "He's been off hunting HYDRA. He showed up somewhere recently and got put online asking who he was. Maria Hill removed it within minutes but I have no idea who else saw it. I'm told they beat him with a bat."

"Do we know who did that?"

"Yes. She's presently suing Maria Hill for interfering in her career to the point of refusing to let her graduate college." The president winced. "He broke into where Thor was about to be married, sir. Which is owned by someone who was Council."

"They're getting together?" he asked, looking disgusted.

"The team has worked with the slayers in the past during bad events. As they're near one that's coming up they would hop into that battle if necessary. They've already offered."

The president shuddered, backing away from him. "That's disgusting."

"So were the ones who invaded Poland and half of Europe during the war, sir. An invasion is always wrong and disgusting."

"Your people didn't stop one recently."

"They were fleeing a despot that reminds me of a few Republican senators, sir. We got immigration to talk to the refugees about what was going on. During that, the despot attacked them while laughing on his flying throne. Which was when the team showed up to kill the despot, thereby fixing the need for most refugees. A few still wanted to be here so they could go to another plane and immigration worked that agreement out since they didn't want to stay here. Our air is toxic to them with all the smog. They were only in LA for six days."

"Still disgusting."

"Yes, sir, the problem that made them run from that despot was," Coulson agreed blandly. "What are we going to do about this plot against the team, sir? Before all my people die defending New York the next time."

"Your agency can die," he offered. "You're getting a new head anyway."

"If you wish, sir, but it could also derail any rebuilding we have going on at the moment. The last one you tried that with was HYDRA. He tried to biobomb the agency and the CIA."

"This one won't be but your people have problems, Coulson." He grimaced. "Including supporting the slayers."

"It's our job to protect the world, sir. It's theirs too. I'm not going to lose humanity because I can't work with young women who are mystically chosen before they're born by some higher celestial beings with ideas."

"Dismissed," he said, waving a hand.

"Fine. Permission to fix that problem?"

"Denied," he sneered. "They can stay somewhere else."

"Fine. We'll talk after the next attack, sir." He left, going to tell his people the bad news. A new head and they'd be attacked soon. The slayers were already getting visions recorded about an attack in DC. Coulson wasn't happy but he warned the few friends he still had there. He sat down behind his desk to call two people. "It's Coulson," he said. "Xander, any visions about the upcoming attacks?"

"Two," he said. "Not the ones that're being given to the slayers. I've got one in Canada, I think Montreal. Can't tell for sure but a few signs I saw were in french. It's in six hours. I've already warned their embassy locally. They don't like to listen because I'm not Council anymore. And the other one I've seen is in that nice, grunting person's kingdom and it'll be other sorts of aliens. The one in DC isn't really planned ahead, it's a take advantage of it moment. And they'll move the time to make the slayers look like idiots probably."

"Great," Stark said. "The one where your sister's hiding?"

"The one in a few days? It's...probably going to be covered. We've got the local military involved already in that one and the next portal event next month. Though I have asked Darcy to please ask Jane when that event will actually be, and the time if possible. It's based on a solar thing."

"Okay," Stark agreed. "So you won't need us?"

"Unless someone jumps in to take advantage of it? No. If they do, hell yes, please."

"Does that happen often?" Stark asked.

"Yeah. That's what happened in Portland and in Palau about three years ago."

"I have not heard a thing about that one," Coulson said.

"Not too many cameras down there. Or you would've heard screaming that I let the demon take the ones who had summoned it to sacrifice their kids. I didn't let him take the kids but the parents... it saved a bunch of people. The locals screamed until I noted that they summoned it to take their kids and I didn't let them take the kids. Or take out a local children's hospital. Or an orphanage. It made people quit complaining that he stomped a few cars, a house or three, and ate the parents that summoned it."

"You do such weird things but I agree in that case, it's better," Stark said. "How soon before you know if one of the local events will be that big?"

"During it."

"Hell. It'd take us at least a half hour, kid."

"I know and I hate that but if you want to sit on the side of the battle and make sure, go ahead. Just don't bring my sister. Please! I foresaw me getting cut at the least and she'll scream and rant and break out in magic then destroy things and become the next Rosenburg by accident."

"Yeah, we don't need that," Stark agreed. "Is Dawn safe?"

"Yup, sure is. Spain's still wary about Mortimer but the locals loved that her little kraken saved her from an assassin sent by another demon trying to take her out so they can demoralize Buffy."

"Does it never stop for you guys?" Stark asked.

"If I make a wish of that, humanity would fall when all the slayers quit," Xander complained. "Then we'd probably lose humanity within four days. Oh, fuck, she's here, Coulson."

"Willow?"

"Yes!" He huffed. "I'm talking to agents, you can wait, Willow." He sighed. "Was the wedding nice?"

"Very," Stark agreed, sounding happy. "It was cute and tender but not too mushy. She offered to show him the math about how much she loved him."

"Awww," Xander quipped. "That's sweet. Now if only my sister could find a nice guy to date."

"She asked Heimdall to find you one," Stark told him.

"I wouldn't mind," Xander quipped. "Most of mine are tired of me at the moment. Pity when Egypt has one in two weeks." He laughed a bit. "Because they won't let us handle it. Sorry!"

"Do I have an email?" Coulson asked.

"Yup, and so do they and they warned us not to come in to handle it. That they could. I agreed and gave them what I found out about that demon lord and his minions. It's a beheading one. The head guy needs to be dismembered and set on fire to end him and he's got a possession sort of hold over his army, that will run nuts once he's dead. I told them if they needed a sudden consult I would have my phone on that day or hand it to someone who could answer. I also noted that a former watcher, an old liner, was about three countries over if they wanted to talk to him instead." He yawned. "They said they'd call if something weird happened. Or get him in."

"Do they hate you because of your job?" Coulson asked.

"The last time I was there I had to use a magical artifact to lock up the problem. It freaked them out since it was humping an ancient statue of Horus." He sighed again. "So damn stupid but two days of talking to me about that and how I had warned them but they hadn't wanted to listen and they said next time to tell someone specific and they'd handle it instead so I didn't have to come back and confuse the loyal Muslims."

"Their religious leaders screamed?" Coulson guessed.

"Yup. Especially since I had to take the artifact into the desert to release it and send it home and the thing's fit uncovered the tomb of a former court mage. A full mage that was half-demon born. Even the guy's statues in front of his tomb showed that. And he was the guy that seriously did magic because his tomb was glowing with it once it got uncovered. Thankfully no mummies that came to life, but so much magic. I got one of the younger coven members who was MI-5 to come help them with it so they could hide it."

"Hey," Willow complained. "They can...."

"Egypt, Willow," Xander told her. "Muslim countries don't like magic. They put people who read tarot cards to death for heresy." You could almost hear the eye roll in his voice. "I think they might go to her in the future for information so I sent her the info on that upcoming problem they'd have in case they call her. It did let her meet a very nice guy and I think they're dating."

"That would probably work for them," Phil agreed. "Any others you've heard of? And is that grunting one the prince?"

"Yes," Stark said. "He even complained that Xander called him that when he greeted him during a battle. I'll call him in a minute. Did you warn him?"

"Sent it to their embassy," Xander quipped. "They'll have aliens that actually have ships they flew in."

"Oh, great," Stark agreed. "I'll call him in a few to make sure he's heard. Anything else we have to be aware of?"

"Yeah, there's a higher, non-evil demon lord who thinks Pepper's hot and wants to have her as a wife. He's down here somewhere so he'll probably show up to talk to her and try to court her."

"She's mine and I'm more possessive than Thor," Stark said dryly.

Xander was grinning, you could tell in his voice. "He could offer her a lot. Including a consort spot if he overthrows his big brother. Who is a pretty decent ruler of his demon realm. She could run a whole realm instead of just your company."

"I'll warn her later and make sure she's not drooled on. Thanks, kid."

"Welcome. Have fun." Stark hung up. "All right, Willow, what's wrong?"

"Are you done?"

"Mostly. I need to inform Agent Coulson of what's about to go on. So what's wrong since that could take an hour?"

"You bought a house?" she demanded. "Down here?"

"I inherited a house from an ex that died of cancer, Willow," he said patiently. "My sister's presently hiding there with her boss and her boss's new husband. The US had fits about Thor being from Asgard."

"It's not real," she said firmly.

"And yet, been there, had a few battles there," Xander quipped. "Saved a training academy from some of the teenage slayers who tried to take it over to get captive boyfriends too." The sound of a slap. "Willow, you ever hit me again and I'm going to kill your ass like you're the bug you're acting like," he said coldly. She snorted and her voice was coming closer. Coulson winced at the sound of a gun coming out of the holster and the safety being taken off. "You think I won't? You're a danger to the world, Willow. Have been for years. I stopped you last time." She huffed and apparently disappeared. "Sorry you had to hear that but with her addiction speaking again you were a safety measure," he said more quietly.

"I agree, that's a good idea. Is she back in the US?"

"She's not supposed to be anywhere near the US by judicial order recently." They both heard a beep. "That's an incoming call." Another beep. "I'm talking to an agent, Darce, so what's happened and if it was Willow, beat her ass."

"Okay, thanks for the permission. She's in a closet with Fury. Which agent are we on with?"

"Me, Miss Lewis," Coulson said. "What did she do?"

"Appeared and told me I was trespassing on slayer property."

"I didn't know my ex left his house to the slayers," Xander said dryly. "Darce, she was full blown black magic when she showed up here and slapped me. I about shot her. Watch her around Thor and Jane?"

"That's why I put her in with Fury. He congratulated Thor on the future baby. I don't think he'd let her hurt Jane."

"Still," Xander warned. "I'll be there in the morning. I've got a meeting in a bit or I could be out really late tonight." He had heard a door breaking and then a shout. "Be safe. Please be safe? I'm down country." She hung up as she was yelling to warn Jane. "Coulson...."

"If I had an agent nearby I'd send them, Xander. I'll tell the team to send Barnes. He can handle her and is somehow immune to magic."

"The effects just wear off faster thanks to the healing."

"I can do that. Be safe and call her back in a few moments. Debrief with me after the upcoming battle." He hung up and made sure no one was in that area. Barnes agreed he could hurry back to help them. Coulson considered it then called the only good witch he knew. "We need to talk about Rosenburg." She said something. "She's attacking people again. Harris said she's full blown black magic again." He listened. "Please do. Africa. With Thor's people trying to attack them for one of the people there being related to Harris. No, that's not his girlfriend," he sighed. "That's his older half sister. They're at his house. He inherited it. Not the Council. Thank you." He hung up and rubbed his forehead. "I wonder if Thor's people have ways of curing her addiction."

***

Dawn got a video call and answered it since she was at home petting Mortimer. "What's up?" she asked, smiling at Stephen Strange's face.

"Willow is using a lot of magic somewhere but I can't pinpoint it."

She concentrated on Willow feeling magic, grimacing. "She's presently trying to kill people at Xander's inherited house in Africa." He groaned. "I'm so going to smite her ass."

"Please do."

"Do you have a spare closet?"

"I'm not sure if she would thrive in it."

"I'm not sure I care," she admitted. "Do I really care?"

"It's unethical," he said.

"And she's a menace, Stephen. That's why Xander warned you about her."

"Point. If you can chain her up, I can put her in one until an appropriate fix is created."

"Thanks. Give me ten." She hung up and tapped on something she had picked up locally. She put Mortimer down with a pat. "Let me go fix Willow again." The genie popped up, looking amused. "I need to go contain Willow. She's trying to kill Thor."

"More like Thor's wife and child," the genie admitted. He handed over a bag. "Unending and bottomless. She'll nap while she's in there." He handed over a nugget of metal. "To come home."

"Thank you." She used it to get down there. "Willow," she growled. "Leave Thor's wife alone! You dumb cunt!" Willow turned to attack her but she turned it aside and hit Willow instead. "I owe you dozens more of those, Willow. So just stop it! You're an addict and slipping again!" Willow shrieked and pulled up magic so Dawn slugged her again.

"Hey!" Buffy complained as she appeared in a bikini with a towel. "What are you doing, Dawn?"

"What are you doing?" Sif demanded.

"This is a slayer house," Buffy defended.

"Xander inherited it from an ex," Dawn told her. "It's got nothing to do with the slayers, Sister. His ex died of cancer." She shrugged then hit Willow again when she tried to throw more magic. "I've had enough of your bad things looking bad on the rest of us. I hate having to remind people I'm not you." She hit her again until Willow was crying and begging for help. "Darcy, help me put her in the bag. It's got a stasis spell on it." They got it around Willow's head and then down the rest of her when she went limp. Dawn sighed, pushing back her sweaty hair. "Jane, you okay?"

"I... I hope so. Sif blocked the hit at me."

"Who're you?" Buffy asked, sounding confused.

Darcy looked at her. "This is my boss, Buffy. We're hiding from the US because they want to dissect her husband and baby."

"You're Xander's sister," she said. Darcy nodded. "Oh. Willow told us this was a slayer house."

"No, it's his house. You can't confiscate it just because you want to and I'll be damned if Willow's going to harm my friends or me. Or hell, even Fury. She just tried to attack Xander again too."

"Stephen's going to hold her for now," Dawn said more calmly. "Until someone can figure out how to detox her from the magic again."

"But..." Buffy started.

Dawn stared at her. "I don't care. She's dangerous, Buffy. She tried to destroy a few other people on the side of good recently. Hell, even Loki doesn't want her on his side." Buffy started to sniffle. More slayers showed up. "Willow lied to you. This is Xander's house and he's letting his sister hide here from the idiots who want to kill her and her friends. Go home." A witch squeaked and took them with her. Buffy too. Dawn popped her neck then flexed her fingers. She looked at Jane. "Let's make sure you're okay, Jane. Sit down for me? I can do a checking spell without the magic doing more than skimming your body. It won't infect you or the baby with magic." Jane nodded, getting helped into a seat. Sif watched her as she did it. "It looks like you're a bit stressed. The baby looks okay but I got a notice that the heart rate's a bit high. Can you meditate to bring both of your blood pressures down?" Jane stared at her, nodding. "Okay, go try that and if not, call your OB. I'm only field trained like Xander is but I know blood pressure spikes are bad in pregnant women."

"Thank you, Dawn," Jane said. "Why is she like that?"

"She's a magic addict. She really likes how the black magic makes her feel and burns her clean. The first time she went this way she skinned the guy who had killed her girlfriend next to her and then tried to end humanity." Thor stomped in and headed for her. "Hey! I stopped Willow. You attack me and I'm letting out the Key to destroy your ass. I don't need this shit on top of Willow's." She looked at Jane. "She probably came here because Xander nearly killed her for hitting him a few minutes ago. She apparently lied to my sister earlier, because it takes her at least an hour to get into a bathing suit so she can shave and shower." Jane grimaced. "I don't know. I'm not sure I want to know. I'd really love to banish Willow into space by herself but I can't do that and it's not ethical. Thankfully Doctor Strange is willing to hold her for now until we can figure out how to detox her and cut her off magic completely."

Thor stared at her. "Dawn, what happened?"

"Willow," she said. "She apparently decided this was slayer property and tried to get it from Xander by force. That's why a few slayers showed up in bathing suits."

Thor squeezed his eyes shut. "Oh, no."

"I did a checking spell. Jane's blood pressure is a bit high, and the baby's too, but she should be okay. Have her OB check her soon. Go to the ER if she can't bring it down?" He nodded once. "I've got Willow in a static state inside the bag the genie gave me."

"Why would such help you?" Thor asked, looking confused.

"I freed it from some nuns that were yard saleing things they found in a closet at a former nun's house." She smiled a tiny bit. "It was happy to be freed partially. It likes soap operas when I'm at class and likes Mortimer. They talk all the time when I leave him at home."

"That's weird," Sif told her. Dawn grinned. "Very weird."

"Yeah but it's kinda normal to me." Buffy reappeared by herself, and this time she was in clothes. Though you could see the bikini top's strings under her shirt collar. "Hey."

"What's going on? More calmly now."

"Well, apparently Willow lied to you," Darcy said. "This is Xander's house. He inherited it from a former lover who died of cancer."

"She told us this was slayer property."

"Why would Xander buy slayer property?" Dawn asked. "He's not Council, Buffy." Buffy glared at her. "Not my fault you ran him off! You've been trying for years, wish granted, sister. Not that he doesn't still handle things, he just doesn't get paid for it."

"Whatever," Buffy said. "This isn't slayer property?" Dawn shook her head. So did Darcy and Jane. "Then why are you guys here?"

"For the same reason you would've seen letters calling for Thor's death and experimented on body to be presented," Darcy said.

"I don't read the paper," Buffy admitted. "It's depressing. I only read the obits to see how many we have to stake that night."

"That makes sense," Darcy agreed. "But the US is all about declaring Thor a danger and using him like those NID people did to demons. Xander warned me about them."

"Oh, okay," she agreed. "I don't want that and if we can help let us know. I mean...." She looked at the bag then at Dawn. "Is she in there?"

"Bottomless, stasis spell," Dawn said. "Safe. She hit Xander."

"I..." Buffy sighed. "Why?"

"I don't know," Dawn admitted. "He's meeting with someone about the upcoming battle."

"He said he's down country," Darcy said. "Or he'd already be here."

"He called us to come back sooner," Thor said. He pulled Jane up to check her over then cuddled her. "You'll be fine."

"I can't feel any magic infecting her," Dawn said. "I'm not sure about the one who got in Willow's way." She pointed at Sif. "Or anyone else she hit."

"I can get a healer down." He ran outside to call for Heimdall, who appeared with a healer already coming. "A witch lost her mind and tried to kill Jane Foster," he told the healer. "Darcy and Sif protected her."

"We can check them all," she said. She walked inside. "Lady Jane."

"Ma'am" she said. "Dawn did a spell check but Sif took some magical hits for me."

"It would infect the babe you carry," Sif said. "It's best for warriors to take battles."

"I'll check all of you, even if you weren't here in case some was laid in a time delayed curse," the healer said. "I can feel it floating around." She looked at Dawn, who shook her head. "Not yours?" Dawn pointed at the bag. She tested it and frowned. "That witch has the feeling of slime."

Dawn pulled out something. "This slime or slime like infects my sister?" she asked with a point at Buffy.

The healer tested both things then nodded. "Both and more."

"Great, she used both hellmouths," Darcy complained. She looked at Buffy, who was looking helpless again. "Hey, you can't control an addict. It's her choices and her decisions that got her in trouble, Buffy. All you can do is help and offer to listen." She patted her on the arm. "Willow has to be responsible for her own problems."

"I know but I don't know why she did this."

"She's full of dark magic again," Dawn said. "Strange is going to hold onto her until they can find a way to drain her. In the bag she's basically magically asleep. She won't get hungry or anything, Buffy."

"I get that. I'll miss her."

"You can ask him if you can visit to talk to her once she's awake." Buffy nodded, looking really sad. "C'mon. Let's go take her to them." She took the bag and her sister out back then used the stone to get to Stephen's house. He was waiting in full sorcerer getup with his staff and a sword on his back. She handed over the bag. "My little genie friend I rescued made that. It's got a stasis spell."

"I don't want her hurt, I just want her better," Buffy begged.

"If we can drain her to safety and cut her off from the hellmouths she will be safer," he told her. "Too much magic can warp your body, Buffy. Come, I'll show you where she'll be." He took her off. "Dawn, we'll talk about you having a genie hostage."

"I freed him from the nuns!" She smiled at Stephen's helper Wong. "I'm going back to Mortimer before he drinks from the toilet again." She rubbed the stone and went home. She handed the stone back to the genie and sat down to cuddle her pet and sulk.

Stephen looked at Buffy, shaking his head. "She does bring some brightness from insanity into many lives."

"Yeah, she does. That's why I don't understand her too well," Buffy admitted.

"Perhaps talking to her could help." He gave her a pointed look. "You treat her like she's infantile in body and mind."

"She's young. I don't want her to make the same mistakes I did."

"She's already avoided many of them by not dating vampires. She complains a lot about that habit of yours."

She grinned. "It's easier sometimes."

"It's wrong," he said. "It's like a wolf dating a sheep."

"Maybe. Still easier."

"Hmmm." He stared at her but he put Willow's bag in a closet. "Once she's been in there for a while it will change to support a living being. It'll be like living in a cloud that won't let her out." She nodded, leaning down to say something to the bag. He blocked any magic coming toward the bag and took Buffy out so she could head home somehow. That closet got noted and he settled in to relax. At least he hadn't had a battle this time.

***

Buffy showed up at the tower. "Hi. Can I talk to Maria Hill please?" They got her called down. "Hey, Hill." She shook her hand. "Can you ask the guy in the bathroom if he knows how to help Willow? She broke onto the bad side again. She tried to attack Thor and his honey and their future kid and stuff. I just want Willow to be healed."

"I'll see if Loki knows how to help her," she agreed. "I'm not sure if even Asgard has a way to cut Willow off from magic." Buffy pouted. "Like an alcoholic, she'll have problems if she goes back to magic. Alcoholics can't drink once they give it up or they backslide."

"I get that. I...we might need her help but I want what's best for her but I can't endanger the slayers either."

"Can't the coven cover for her?"

"I don't know and I'm not sure if she hasn't done something to them. They seem to only blame others for whatever Willow does. Especially Xander and Dawn."

"Maybe he knows how to unbind all of them." Buffy smiled. "Go home. Let me ask him. I'll let you know if we find out anything and pass it on to the Sorcerer Supreme."

She nodded. "Thanks, Hill." She texted someone and got taken home. She looked at Giles since he was waiting. "Dawn put her into a bag that has some sort of stasis spell and Doctor Strange has her in a closet." He groaned. "She tried to attack Thor's honey and future baby. She lied about that house being slayer property. I asked Hill to see if Loki knew how to help her." She sighed. "I talked to Xander's sister since she's down there. Apparently they're hiding from the US wanting to kill Thor and his baby."

"I've seen that in the news," he admitted. "Are you all right?"

"Pretty bummed. Apparently Dawn defeated her."

"Good of her."

"She's back at home. I don't know what to do, Giles."

"I know, Buffy. It's difficult when a friend goes off the deep end of addiction. Like those who take drugs, it's not healthy for those around them or them. Though I doubt she could OD and die from it as they seem to." He gave her a hug. "We'll work on it." She nodded. "Maybe I'll have someone who can talk to you ladies about addiction as well. There is a therapy group for those who are family of addicts if you think it'd help."

She looked up. "I doubt they'd understand."

"It's a matter of level," he said. "She has tried to steal and harm others. She's just went beyond that because she has access to much power."

"The healer that showed up said that she was touching both hellmouths."

"We'll see if we can block that off first before it opens and is unclosable." He took her back to the office to talk to her about what had happened. He needed to take notes on it for later generations so they knew what magic addiction truly looked like.

***

Darcy came out the next morning, smiling at the healer. "I'm making tea. Would you like some?"

"Please, child." Darcy put on water to warm. "Are you Lady Jane's lady in waiting?"

"I'm her assistant. I basically organize her lab and her life when she loses it to science." She turned to look at her. "I make her notes make sense and make sure she eats."

"It's much the same duty," she decided. "So you are in charge of her diet?"

"Yes and I'm making sure she eats a lot more than usual. She's the reason that Thor likes poptarts." The healer shook her head quickly. Darcy smiled. "She's had a lot of fruit and low caffeine tea because it helped her stomach."

"That's good."

"Is there a reason why Thor and her relations make the morning sickness stop?"

"I do not know," she admitted.

"Okay. I had a few questions I've been trying to make plans for. Can you answer them?"

"Probably."

"Killer." Darcy pulled the hot water off the stove and poured it into mugs then brought out the tub of tea bags. "Here, pick which one you want." She put her own tea bag in and let it steep while she got into her list. "Okay, this is the list of things I thought up so far. Tell me if it's not complete." She let the healer see it.

She read it over first then came back. "Are your children born very small?"

"Seven pounds or so and about twenty-one inches."

"That is smaller than ours."

"And Jane's got tiny hips. I know we can do C-sections and that there may be later concerns because of it." She sipped her tea. "And do you guys allow pain killers during labor?"

"Yes. It's up to the mother, child." Darcy smiled. She went back to the list. "Hmm. A blessing ceremony would be done by the family. He'll have to introduce her to the people of course. That would be up to the palace instead of the family. Rituals associated? How do you do blessings?"

"That can depend on the religion. Among the Christian one, it's a religious ceremony with water being poured on the baby's head. Or sometimes they're dipped in some versions."

"Dipped?"

"Dunked," Darcy explained. She pulled up a video on youtube for her. "That's the more dunking one. In the ones I've seen water is scooped up and poured over the baby's head during the ceremony."

"Ah." She watched it. "That's interesting. They do adults and children?"

"Yes. In some versions you can only be baptized once, in others it's done to reaffirm your beliefs."

"Interesting." She handed the phone back so Darcy could get back to her list. "You have the nursery straightened out."

"Do you guys have safety things that you demand? Ours say nothing in the crib but a sheet for safety reasons. We have babies that die in their sleep."

"We sleep our children on their backs usually, though the crib isn't usually bare. At the very young ages, many mothers use a smaller area to let them sleep in so they can't wiggle too much. A basket is often used."

"I've seen that and a bassinet. That didn't come down so maybe we'll find her a nice basket she can carry the baby around in for a bit." Thor came out. "Morning, Thor. I haven't made food yet."

"I'm not that helpless, Darcy. Clint's taught me to make eggs." She smiled at him. "Your list?"

"Yup."

"It's many good thoughts to worry about, both cultural and more oriented on Jane's health. I worry about many of those myself."

The healer smiled at him. "It's normal for fathers to worry, Thor." She went back to the list. A few she could go over with the young lady in waiting. It would ease her worries and any worries on Jane's temper. Apparently the future queen hated to be fussed at.

***

The healer reported to the Council when she finally got to come home. It was after two battles, and the lady in waiting's brother showing up to tell her the lie that he was all right after both of them. It took some figuring out, but she had managed to heal him then he got summoned to another battle, which Thor had went to help with. Then she got to heal both of them, the Warriors Three, and Lady Sif. Twice in a few cases. Thankfully they had still won. She presented herself to report once she was fed, had a drink, and had freshened herself up. "Our future queen's daughter grows strong and normally," she reported. They all stared at her. "Our prince nearly died twice in one day thanks to a demon's battles. He had won and I was healing him when another showed up to take advantage of it. That's why I got to heal him, Lady Sif, and Hogun twice, plus Lady Darcy's brother from the first one." A few grimaced. "That was the second set of battles within a week thanks to that sort of duty."

"What of Lady Darcy's brother? Why heal him?" the head of the council asked.

She stared at him. "He was the one that saved the healer's college that time with Heimdall." That one blinked hard a few times. She looked at the others. "Plus he used to train the Midgardian Valkyries. That one nearly died as well but her faster healing was protecting her while he took over for her to save her. He nearly died the second time, but his sister showed up with some higher weapons and the teammates that Thor claims as his battle friends. The demonic female decidedly died in pieces but she did die and not regenerate. Mjolnir got much work and is no longer pouty as our prince put it. Also, I saw that someone else could wield it. She had to beg for a moment but she did pick it up and threw it nearly successfully at someone's head. Thor summoned it when he woke from being bashed on the head and hit that one better than she had. Clearly Lady Darcy does not take battle training."

"The lady in waiting of our future queen used Thor's hammer?" one of the council said, standing up. "How? She's not one of us."

"The hammer picks the wielder it finds worthy," she told him simply. "Lady Jane was able to move it when she asked politely. I know not if it's the child she carries or not. Lady Darcy is most vibrant and has a lot of questions about things she worried about planning for our future queen. Including cultural needs for the princess' blessings."

"It's interesting to hear," that councilor said. "Are we sure she can wield it again?"

"She picked it up to clean it while I healed Thor's head. Then her brother's chest. Though she did threaten her brother with it. Thor even put it onto him so he could not move out of the couch he slept on so she would quit complaining and fussing at her brother." She smiled slightly. "He is quite the young warrior but fairly tired and ready to find a good mate. Unfortunately not one down there suits him that is on the side of light." She clasped her hands in front of her. "Jane Foster heals well and is carrying easily enough, though we may have to remove the child from her womb for ease of birth. As pointed out, her hips are not wide and Midgardian children are born smaller."

"How much smaller?" the head of the council asked. "Will it cause problems with a later birth of a son?"

"Carrying, probably not. Birthing...I know not," she admitted. "If they take the babe out down there, it will leave scarring but it is possible. Usually they do not encourage a normal birth after such surgery so she would have to have another." They all nodded at that. "Otherwise, she is going to wait a few years before having a son."

"Are they still married?"

"Thor makes her make much noise. Nightly." She smiled. "They are in the sort of love that skalds speak of. It's only been a month."

"Will she come up here for the birth?" one asked.

"If we can manage it and won't harm the babe," she agreed. "I suggested that and Lady Darcy sighed in pleasure because that would mean less stress on Lady Jane's tempers. She does not like being fussed at but Lady Darcy is excellent at it because Lady Jane's science is more important to her than most things, including eating. Or sleeping. Then Lady Darcy had to rest so made her brother nag in her place while she slept. It did mean she went to bed rather quickly because he was sending suggestive messages to a friend of his and letting her read them. She pounced our prince and made him yelp but then her shriek multiple times."

"Did Lady Sif complain?" the head of the council asked.

"No. She smiled at the others and thanked Xander for making Jane rest. Apparently they are loud often. The Warriors Three all smile at the noise."

"Thank you for that report. How long before the princess is born?"

"Three more months. If we must take it, it should be done a bit early to spare her. She really must gain some weight." She bowed and left, going to make notes on the pregnancy for the other healers. Just in case she couldn't attend the birth. Though she did stop at Heimdall's post. "When and if we get to remove Jane Foster's child up here, you must allow the Lady Darcy."

"I cannot by Council decree."

"She will not come up if Darcy does not attend. It could mean her life."

"Then talk to them about it. I have no problem with her attending the birth or any other event. They threatened her life should she appear up here."

"I'll make that note. Let me know if you catch her in labor, Heimdall. Our babes are much larger apparently." She went back to the healers. They really had to handle some stupid things the Council was doing.

***

Xander got a warning from a poker buddy he hardly ever talked to. The guy was mute, tortured into not being able to speak, and he had physically called in a grunted warning that contained two words. Rosenburg. Thor. Xander sighed as he hung up, looking at the slayer he was checking up on because she had just had a huge battle nearby. "It's bad when beings who cannot speak thanks to torture grunt the word Rosenburg at you."
She shuddered. "I.... Let me go stop her yet again." He texted someone. He got back a huffy answer so he explained why he needed to be in New York. They sent him before he could even grab his gear bag. Thankfully it got sent after him by his slayer's sister-in-law. He picked up his pack and looked at the two staring people. "Sorry," he said. "By the way, Rosenburg's going to be doing something. I'm stealing Loki from his bathroom." He went down to that floor and knocked then opened the door. "Let's go before she ends the world this time."

"I've felt that witch's workings ramping up," Loki admitted.

"She's going to do something around or to Thor."

Loki winced. "That could start a war."

"Yes, but we'd hand her over first. C'mon, we've got to go see the Sorcerer of the bad cape." He took Loki with him, ignoring the agents Hill tried to sic on him. They tried to stop the cab so Xander looked at that one. "Rosenburg." He backed off, hands up. "Thanks." He paid for the fare and they got dropped off at the nice house, smiling when Dawn opened the door. "He in?" he asked.

"He's setting up his scrying pool." She let them inside without an invitation. "What is she doing?"

"Gregory managed to grunt out Rosenburg and Thor. Just the two words."

"Fuck," Dawn said. "So we're looking at a possible diplomatic incident too. Charming!" She walked off petting her Mortimer. "How did she get out of the closet?" she asked when they walked into the work room.

"A poker debt," he said dryly. He looked up. "Loki. Harris." Xander nodded back. "Do we have any idea?"

"No," Xander admitted. "But damned if I want to be hit with more black magic like the last time I had to stop her. Or the other two times." Dawn patted him on the arm and Mortimer flowed over to cuddle him. "Thank you, baby. You're a very sweet little guy." He moved closer, helping focus the pool. They stared at what Willow was working on. "Her journal's red, not purple."

"Let's dispel illusions," Loki decided, doing that. He stared at what he saw. "Oh, dear." He looked up. "She's going to be making Jane Foster miscarry."

Dawn leaned closer. "That's a temporal spell. She'll make sure she never got pregnant." She leaned on the lip of the pool. She looked up. Stephen shrugged. She looked at Xander and Loki, who were grimacing. "Willow," she whispered into the water. "If you cause a diplomatic incident we'll have to give you to Asgard to punish. I doubt they're just going to lock you in a mystical closet." Willow flinched. "Stop it. Before I have to talk to people about you again." She stood up, breaking the contact. Willow was glaring at her ceiling. "I want an anvil," Dawn muttered.

Xander looked at his bag, reaching down to pull out something. "Mystical cannonball that's charmed to hit the target you select? I was going to use it against some minor demon queen coming down here soon but I think this might work better."

Dawn took it and concentrated on the spells then threw it at Willow's head. The redhead flinched and yelped but still got hit. Loki summoned the cannonball back, handing it back to Xander. Stephen took the cannonball to test then handed it back with a head shake. "Cold iron is usually useful in his field of interest," Loki told him. Willow was still crying while chanting. "What is she saying?"

"Her pronunciation is horrible," Xander complained. "Oh my god." He patted himself until he found his phone then called Giles. "Go. Stop. Willow. She's misspeaking Latin while casting and was about to rend Asgard into parts. Her room." He hung up. Giles rushed in while she was still casting and yelled at her. Xander threw the cannonball this time. Willow's scream ended her spell. Giles pulled her up to yell at her some more. Loki summoned back the cannonball, handing it back with a smirk.

And then Willow reached toward her desk and schoolbooks for a tissue.

And the bottle behind the tissues she tipped over on purpose.

Xander and Dawn sighed when they saw the demon that came out of the bottle. Stephen looked at Dawn. "An explanation of that sigh?"

"That's a wish demon," Dawn said quietly. "Oh god." She called her sister. "Go rescue Giles from Willow! Now! Before she makes a damn wish!" Buffy rushed in a second later and pounced Willow to stop her but Willow managed to moan something. The demon laughed loudly and everyone winced at the 'wish granted' intoned. Then the demon disappeared.

Dawn looked at Loki then at Stephen. "Can you send me to Darcy?"

"Of course." He sent her down there. Then he looked at Xander and Loki.

"She's a worse problem than even I ever could be," Loki said happily. "They'll be highly displeased."

"So will his hammer," Xander said. "Want to go deliver her to the Council?"

"I may not go back up there," Loki reminded him.

"Let me go deliver her to the Council." He sighed, walking off. "Fuck!" he said once he was outside. Mortimer's tentacles fluttered around his throat to pat him. "Thank you, Mortimer. I love you too. I'm just stressed because Willow caused a huge problem. Never let her do anything to you. She's mean." A demon walking past them sent him to Cleveland. "Thanks," he called with a wave at the sky. He got a cab to the slayer house, knocking before walking in. Faith stared at him. "She cast a wish to destroy Thor's innocence so he's not worthy of his hammer and to break him and his pregnant wife up."

"I'll go put on clothes to make the formal apology," Faith sighed, going to get dressed in real clothes.

Xander went up there, leaning in the doorway. "So she wanted Thor to be a baby daddy too?" he asked dryly. Giles stared at him. "No, she's just screwed up things for Asgard. We can go ask for mercy for her before I throw that blessed cannonball at her again."

"Is that Dawn's kraken buddy?" Buffy asked.

"Yup. He's keeping me calm before she gets this realm invaded." Buffy slumped. Giles frowned at him. "Think what would've happened if she had screwed up that way with the Royal Family in England?"

"She'd be on death row within minutes," Giles admitted. "Are they that sort?"

"I don't know," Xander admitted. "I knew she just screwed up their crown prince. Who has to be worthy of his mystical weapon to rule." Giles winced. "Faith's putting on real clothes so she can make an apology."

"I'll ...let others know," Giles sighed, going to call higher people within the government.

"Get a last hug, Buffy." She nodded, hugging Willow and whispering in her ear. Then she handed her to Xander before walking off looking pissed off. Willow reached for something. "I doubt they'll let you have that picture in prison, Willow." He walked her off. Andrew and Faith met him out back. "Hey, Drew."

"Xander." He nodded. "C'mon, let's see the armor wearing sort." They stepped out of the protections around the house and Heimdall appeared, already glaring. "It wasn't us. We do not condone her actions. We didn't want her to do it. Xander tried to stop her."

"While it furthers the agenda of some, it was not a good decision on her part," Heimdall said.

"Can I bring a picture of my former girlfriend?" Willow asked.

"No," Heimdall said. "You have nearly started a war between our realms, Willow Rosenburg." He looked at Xander. "We can take her."

"We can come offer a formal apology since we didn't want her to do that. I think most of the slayers think that Thor and Jane are a living fairytale." Faith shifted. "If I had heard, I would've knocked her stupid."

"Aye, many would have. We will find out who is encouraging such actions and punish them as well," Heimdall said. "Xander, it would probably not be safe for you to appear."

"Yeah," he said dryly. "Unfortunately I'm on call for a few problems. Would you like them to show up and me not show up to kill them?"

"No. I will talk to others."

"I can make the formal apology," Faith said again.

"Were Odin found, that may help. The Council is another matter," Heimdall told her. "I will pass on your apologies for her addiction being fed." He took Willow and disappeared.

"Go prepare the girls for Asgard coming to visit because their Council would react even though they might've prompted her," Xander said quietly. "They hated Jane and Thor being together and him getting a daughter."

"Damn glad I'm not a princess," Faith said as she headed back to talk to the girls.

"Should we work on a binding?" Andrew asked.

Xander looked at him then shook his head. "If they prompted it, they might try to take her out. We'll see what we can find out and blame them if they started it."

"Thanks. Have fun."

"You too." He left, going back to the airport so he could go back to New York.

***

Dawn appeared at the house, looking at the group. "People, we have a major problem that Willow just caused. Thor, please move three steps away from Jane for a moment?" He frowned but did so and the spell was coming. "Willow made a wish," she told a growling Sif. "To split them up. It was probably encouraged. Xander's going to turn her over to Heimdall. We tried to stop her since her original spell was a temporal one to make sure Jane didn't get pregnant." She winced. "Instead, it stripped that bit of innocence from him to make him leave her and the baby."

Darcy sat up, looking at her. Then at Thor. "Thor, try your hammer?" He frowned but tried to pick it up and couldn't. "Oh, damn." She looked at Dawn. "Undoable?"

"She had a trapped wish demon she made the wish to. No idea yet. Even Loki tried to stop her. Xander threw a cannonball at her head. So did I." She looked at Thor, who was staring at his hammer. She charmed a mirror so they could see what the scrying had.

Thor licked his lips then nodded. "Whoever prompted her is in deep trouble," he decided. He looked at Jane, who was sniffling. "I do not want to leave you."

"Will you not harm her?" Fandral asked.

Thor moved closer to kiss Jane on the lips and flinched away, wincing at what the spell was making him feel. "I feel I may."

"Then the only reasonable course is to go find a cure. Is there a cure?" Darcy asked Dawn.

"To negate the wish? Yes. I don't know what it is. I'm not that sort of magic worker. I'd start with Stephen or go kick some ass to find out who helped her."

Thor grimaced. "I should," he agreed. He tried his hammer again but it didn't budge again. "I..."

Darcy looked at the hammer. "Hey, MewMew, it's a spell," she told her. "We don't know what to do." Now she couldn't move it either. "Great." She looked at the Warriors Three. Who were all glaring at Dawn. "Not her fault."

"No, it's not," Sif agreed. "If he had been near her?"

"She would've probably died or miscarried," Dawn said. "That much magic would harm her and the child."

Sif nodded once. "That makes much sense and is the best solution in this case. We must protect the babe." She looked at Jane. "We can come back to guard you while we help Thor fix this curse."

"That's fine," Jane said, swallowing hard. "It's more important."

"Hey, you've still got me and Eric. You know he'll show up to fuss over you too," Darcy said, giving her a hug.

"Yeah, that's a good thing," Jane said, nodding but staring at Thor. He touched hands with her. "You should go get that fixed. Hopefully it'll mean just beating up on the demon."

"I hope so," he agreed. "If not, I will be back for the child."

Darcy looked at him, shaking her head. "No. If the baby's not with you or your family," she said with a inclusive point at the warriors. "It's in danger from the same people who prompted that wish."

"She is still mine, Darcy."

"Yeah, and if you have to run off to fight something, then who's going to watch the baby? And are you really willing to cut Jane off totally from her daughter?"

"I..." He frowned. "I had not thought of that." He looked at Jane, who was shrinking in on herself some. "You and I will be back together soon." He took a quick kiss, fighting the curse to hurt her and the baby. "Soon, my Jane." He stomped off with his friends following. He looked at Sif. "Darcy is correct," he said quietly.

She nodded. "She is and the babe is still in danger, Thor."

"You can stay to guard them," Thor offered.

Sif shook her head. "My job is to guard you, not your unborn babe. We will find a wiling guardian for it. And Jane."

Thor nodded, looking back. "And Darcy because she will jump in front of Jane." They looked up as Heimdall appeared. "Is she talking about who prompted this foulness?" he demanded.

"Nay. Not yet. They have not asked," he admitted. "They probably already know even if she does not." He let them onto the bridge. "We can break it so you are worthy again, Thor."

He nodded. "Aye, we will. I will miss my hammer until I have her and my Jane back." They disappeared.

Darcy shut the door, walking Jane off so she could lay on the couch. "It'll be okay. We've been through worse."

"We...we have," she agreed. She looked at Dawn. "Protecting me?"

"Staying out of the way so I don't go smite Willow." She sat down. "I can put more protections on you, Jane. I can also find a pretty thing to put the hammer onto or into so it's protected and no one can get to it."

"We can't move it," Darcy said.

"There's methods to move the stuff underneath it."

"Not really," Jane said. "It'll weigh down things."

Dawn grinned and winked. "There's ways." The ladies nodded. "So, let me go report to Stephen and we'll work on the protections." Jane nodded once. "Hey, Willow was trying to make it so you didn't get pregnant, Jane. That you two never married."

"No, this is kinder and some day he'll be able to come back to meet his daughter." She looked at her stomach then at Darcy. "We're probably going to need an OB sooner since I'm not sure if we can count on getting help from a healer."

Darcy nodded, texting that to Stark. Who was barely allowed back in the US. He sent back a quip so she told him all that had happened. He sent back a groan. "Stark's sending Barton to come watch over us until we can safely go back to the US." She looked up. "Because SHIELD's trying to get him to go back to work for them again."

Jane nodded. "That's fine. He knows how to get out of the way of science."

Dawn frowned and went to look outside at the feeling of magic. "Hi."

"Oh, you're ...Xander showed me your picture." The young woman smiled. "I'm Navine."

"Dawn." She shook her hand. "Did Xander send you?"

"He did send me to help ward this house with the native magics."

"That's cool. Come meet Xander's half-sister Darcy." She let her inside and Darcy smiled, shaking her hand. "This is Navine. She's the sister of a localish slayer."

"That's really cool," Darcy said, smiling at her. "What's up?"

"Xander asked me to come help ward the house to protect you two and the baby."

"Her husband just got put under a curse by Rosenburg," Darcy said.

"Oh, that poor baby." She smiled at Jane. "We'll protect you. How far do you usually need to use?"

Darcy got up and helped Jane up, taking Navine outside to show her the places they'd need to go while studying. Navine was a fussy, nice girl, like a nicer version of Darcy.

***

Dawn went to talk to Stephen. "I need an ethics swat upside the head. My mother would be appalled but it'll cause less pain than it's presently being." She stared at him.

"If you know it's unethical...."

"I can go back to change Willow's wish on her. Make it a temporal one instead that would have stopped the wedding and the baby."

He considered it. "Which could change other things. It may not stop the outcome. They may still be broken up and his innocence could still be stopped."

She grimaced. "Hadn't thought of that." She sat down, pulling Mortimer out of her hair to cuddle him. "They haven't even asked Willow who encouraged or talked her into it."

"Of course not. They already knew," he agreed, staring at her. "You cannot act against them either."

"No but I could expose them," she offered.

"Which would be acting against them and may be the start of a war."

She considered it then shook her head. "No, it would be punishment against our person who did stupid shit."

"Even getting the one who prompted her may not get them all so he'd still have snakes in his council."

"Point."

"And right now they're without a higher power to judge anything without Odin."

"He's with the light elves on the fire realm."

He sat up, staring at her. "How do you know?"

"I felt him. He was playing with another stone." She grimaced. "And we still have to worry about that purple one coming."

"Don't remind me. I don't need another battle soon."

She grinned. "Oh, it'll be more than you and Xander and the girls. Or the Avengers."

"Point. Especially with how he was locked up by your blood."

"Thanks to Willow," she reminded him. He nodded he remembered. "And unless they can teleport the blood out, I'll probably be missing that battle."

"Could be," he agreed. She gave him a pointed look. "Probably," he agreed. She smirked. "Which would release your powers."

"Not likely. They're tied up in my physical form. So if I die, they're supposed to go with me. And that's also a good reason." She petted her kraken baby. He nodded slightly to show he understood. "So what's the ethical thing here outside of going back to beating Willow?"

"I can't see a good, tactical, ethical road from this point. Ethics being the major concern may or may not change anything enough. Tactical thought would be to do something that was at least slightly unethical but may or may not change anything. Can you get to Odin?"

"Yeah. And go tell him to suck it the fuck up." She stared at him then sighed. "Where are his sons?"

"Home and back in his bathroom prison I believe."

"I can go there. Let me change clothes." She put Mortimer onto his desk and used her charm to get home so she could change into something better, then came back to pick up her baby and go there with the artifact she had crafted for traveling. She heard him huff at that artifact but oh well for now. She looked at the warriors with bows pointed at her. "Don't start. Next time I won't save your asses." She pushed her hair over her shoulder. "I come seeking another traveler who has idiots left in his seat. Where's Odin this time?"

The head elf stomped forward. "Who are you...." She stared at him and he flinched back, shaking his head. "Dawn!" She grinned and nodded. "You have grown some."

"Some," she agreed with a grin. "I'm an adult now. Unfortunately Odin's council has caused Willow to almost start a war with Asgard at their prompting."

He winced. "That's truly a bad thing."

"It sucks huge, Bro. So I need to go find him."

"He wishes solitude," one of the warriors huffed. "Who be she?"

"She be the one who took out the goddess that wanted your maidens as a sacrifice," Dawn shot back, staring at him. She looked at the head elf again. "Oh, this is Mortimer, my baby." She petted him with a grin. "He's very protective of me."

"I can see why. The traveling must have stunned him." The kraken waved a few tentacles at him. "Oh, my." He reached out and Dawn nodded, letting him pet the baby kraken. "I expected them to be more slimy."

"He's not a water living one." She grinned. "He's a good boy and helps me study."

"That's good. Come, I will lead you to the seclusion village so you can talk to him." She nodded, walking off with him. "How many years has it been on your realm?"

"Six. I'm twenty-one in a few months." She grinned up at him. "I'm in school now to study artifacts."

"That's interesting work and you do well with them." He pointed. "The warriors guard the seclusion village."

She nodded, patting him on the arm before walking over. They glared but she stared at one who got out of her way with his head bowed. She walked into the village and sat down beside the old man staring at the fire while trying to meditate. She petted her baby until Odin huffed. She patted his hand. "I will not disturb your thinking but we must talk."

He stared at her. "You are Midgardian."

"Nay, Odin, I'm the same artifact that made the ones you're not hiding very well." He flinched, shaking his head. She nodded. "There is much you have ignored in your grief and it has stripped your eldest son of his hammer and his pregnant wife." Odin slumped, staring at her. She handed over the notes she had made. "On all that has happened in a year." She went back to petting her baby. Her mother's form showed up scowling at her. "I know that's not the true form of my mother," she noted quietly and calmly. "As my mother has been reborn. So you're a lie." The spectral being flinched but disappeared. She tested and frowned. "Magic is gathering, Odin," she said quietly.

He tested the feelings and groaned. "Go warn them," he ordered, standing up.

She stood up and put a hand on his arm. "We can fight," she reminded him.

"It is Hela."

She grimaced. "She'd like my sister more than me."

He looked at her. "You are too pure to risk, child."

"I'm still Dawn Summers, Odin, and the sister of a slayer." She gave him a pointed look. "Though I will warn others." She went to warn the guards, finding them downed. She tested one's throat, no pulse. She sighed and summoned an imp. "Go warn others. Hela comes for Odin." The imp fled and went to warn the others. Including his son. She looked back when the goddess appeared. She concentrated, sending a 'come help me please, and bring weapons' to Xander.

"That's an interesting pet. I would like to see it," Hela said from behind her.

Dawn turned to look at her. "No. My Mortimer is my pet, Hela. You may have worship from my sister, the slayer, but I am not one. I'm a force of life. Not of death." The goddess laughed. Dawn hit her. "Your breath stinks like you've been giving corpses blow jobs, Hela. Back off." Hela glared. Dawn stared back. "Don't make me call things to me. You won't like it."

"This realm can be dead by then, child."

Dawn smiled and shook her head. "I can rebuild anything you kill off. Including the world tree. You are no threat to me." Hela grabbed the mouthy young one's arm, trying to kill her. It started to work but then Dawn's magic came out to heal her. Hela screamed as the power backflowed into her, making her burn. "We are not natural enemies, Hela. We are only enemies because you demand it to be so. For that matter, your lover may not come either. I don't want to rebuild everything to thwart his purple skanky ass."

Hela glared at her. "You are a child," she spat.

"No, I'm not. I'm an adult."

"You hold a comfort thing," she sneered.

"He's my pet. Mortimer is good for me. He helps me and loves me until I can find a lover of my own." She shrugged. "If a mate can't accept my pet then they certainly can't accept my gifts." Hela gave her the strangest look. "It's true."

"Fine," she sneered. "You will go."

"You can't make me, Hela. I'm not ruled by you."

"You will still die."

"Yeah, when I'm ready." She shrugged but smiled. "Until then I've got shit I gotta do. Including going to unwarp the witch that the Council of Asgard warped."

"Asgard is just waiting on death," she sneered. "I will be there next."

Dawn smiled, patting her on the cheek. "No you won't." She opened a portal behind her and let it suck her in. "Not yet you won't." She waved before closing it. "Odin, we must leave," she ordered. "We only have days."

He looked at her. "You should not be in that form."

She smiled. "Blame the monks, Odin. They sent me to this form to protect me from an insane hell goddess." She shrugged. "Glory was really stupid."

"Yes, she was," he agreed. He stood up. "We must go save Asgard. My son will need his hammer."

"Yeah, your Council had him cursed so he lost it. And the curse would make him harm his pregnant wife."

He winced. "Why?"

"They tainted Willow and somehow got her to do it. They're not even pretending not to gloat. From what rumors we've heard, he's killed a few of them."

"My son does have a mean temper," he admitted. She took him with her. "Hold, Heimdall," he ordered when he tried to stop Dawn. "Do not touch her."

"The Council...."

"Is dead because I just sent Hela to a side realm," Dawn quipped, smiling at him. "Howdy, Heimdall." She kissed him on the cheek. "C'mon. It's going to get nasty. Xander didn't get to answer."

He looked in the distance. "He is protecting the dwarves from Hela's forces," he admitted. "Oh, dear." She grinned, walking between the two men. "Dawn, what did you do?"

"I sent her to a bare realm. One that was already killed. It should hold her for days."

Heimdall hummed. "That is a good delay. We may need Loki. He has strong magic."

Dawn looked up then concentrated, pulling Loki. "Get presentable. I just stopped Hela for a few days."

Loki snapped new clothes onto himself, pushing back his hair. "How did you do that?"

"A dead realm." She shrugged. "It'll work for a few days. She wanted to kill my pet and I got all offended since she took out the elves I've helped save in the past."

Loki blinked at her. "That was you?" he demanded.

"Yeah. Willow sent me by accident and I fell on top of that goddess then sneered until she huffed off like a teenage girl. It saved the village." She opened the door. "Shall I go announce you?"

"Yes," Odin ordered. He looked at his younger son. "I do not like what you have done."

"He was possessed," Heimdall told him. "You punished him for that, Odin. He has paid greatly for that. Including his last incarceration."

Loki glared at him. "At least I had the necessities, even if it was a bathroom. I could lock the door so Thor could not bother me by trying to talk about things."

Odin sighed. "You two fight much."

"That was not my doing," Loki told him.

"Stop it before you're all gerbils," Dawn warned from up the hall.

Loki smiled. "She is rather feisty. Xander has trained her well."

Odin nodded. "I can see that. Come. We will see how bad it is."

Dawn kicked in the locked door on the second try. "Really, that's rude," she told Thor, smiling at him. "I present Odin, returned from his grief leave. I present Heimdall, who is escorting us. And I present Loki, because I just locked Hela in a side realm for a few days."

Thor sat up, staring at her. "She was where?" he demanded.

"The elves. She came for your father in the grief village, Thor." She got out of the way. "The king returns."

Odin walked in and stared. Thor smiled. "We will talk, son." He walked up to the seat and touched the arm then looked at Thor. "Nay, I do not want it back yet. It caused me to miss much that I now regret," he said quietly.

"I understand. At the moment I also miss much."

"I have heard. This curse?" Thor said something quietly. He grimaced. "The witch? She has had a trial?"

"We cannot unwarp the compulsions on her," Thor admitted. "Brother, can you?"

"Only some. Some are longer lasting. She prayed to Hela to regain her mate when she died," he admitted. "It marks her. They used that."

"Great," Dawn sighed, rubbing her forehead. "Willow Rosenburg, I summon thee," she ordered, pulling the magic here to do that. Willow appeared in a flash of light, making her look at her. "Well, fuck! I didn't see that on earth, Willow."

"It was clouded," Loki agreed. "The magic up here is more pure." He walked around her, nodding some. "We can do that but it would mean taking memories of her mate from her."

"Which is cruel," Dawn said. "Though I leave that up to her." She woke Willow up from her stupor. "Hey."

"Dawn?" she asked, blinking at her. "What are you doing up here? They'll kill you."

"Willow, I'm a force of elemental life. All they could do is hurt my Mortimer and I'll destroy them for harming my pet." Thor laughed. "Or you." She stared at her. "We can remove some of the compulsions but it may rob you of some memories of Tara," she said quietly. Willow sobbed but nodded. Loki stepped forward with one of the healers to do that. Dawn stripped a few more off. By the end, Willow was free. She remembered some about Tara but it was very filmy. Almost a fantasy. Dawn stepped back. "It is done. The compulsions I can find are gone."

"The ones I can see are gone," Loki agreed, looking at the healer.

She shook her head. "There are three marks left on her. One is a higher being. One is powerful. One is a heart mark."

Dawn considered it. "She alone closes and channels the hellmouths when they open on Midgard."

"That is one," the healer agreed, testing them. "Can others?"

"No," Dawn admitted. "My magic is not suited to that. I can't use it that way. It'd take a whole coven to replace her. The one of her heart is a male?"

"One who is dead."

"Jesse," Willow said, looking at the healer. "I miss him. He would have kept me and Xander from being this way."

"Instead he was the reason you protected yourself and others," Dawn reminded her. "Including me." Willow nodded, looking down. "The other, the Powers That Be, who're over the slayers? Or some other higher power?"

"Some other one. The ones you mentioned were removed," the healer admitted. "They had hatred built in."

"She helps keep the slayers strong and living," Dawn said. "So humanity wins. They probably hate me too." The healer nodded, smiling at her. "Oh fucking well." The healer laughed, nodding. "Is that a bad link or a good one?"

"More a neutral one. Child, has anyone told you that you hold a bad link?"

Dawn pointed at Willow. "She locked Thanos' chains with my heart's blood." Thor winced. "So yeah, probably." The healer looked at Willow then at Dawn. She said something uncomplimentary in Norse. Dawn grinned. "Anyanka taught me that language so we could talk without Willow realizing we were swearing at her magic addiction."

The healer bowed her head. "The one who punishes?"

"Yup. She dated my buddy Xander."

"That poor man." She walked off shaking her head. "She is free enough to have free will, Sires." She looked at Odin. "We have built a memorial for your wife," she told him. "It is full of her garden's favorite things."

"I thank thee for taking care of that for me," he said, patting her on the hand. "Warn others. Hela has appeared." She nodded, running off.

"It is a beautiful memorial and a good statue of her is being built," Thor said. "I paid for the statue." He looked at Loki. "The one who did the miniature of her in your rooms is doing so." Loki nodded at that, looking outside. Thor looked then at his father since it was Loki looking into air. "Father, I will call the military."

"Do so, Thor. We must all battle. And fire the Council." Thor smiled a tiny bit. "Your pregnant wife?"

"Jane, Father. Willow cursed me to harm her and our child. My hammer refused me because of it." He sighed. "I would not want it to be so. They are right, I cannot even be trusted to do more than visit the child because it would get her harmed."

Odin looked at him. "A father...."

"We have people who prompted that curse, Father. One who attended my wedding to Jane and knew of her pregnancy then."

Odin winced. "Many need to be on the front lines to sacrifice themselves for others who are better beings." He touched the throne's arm again then looked at his sons. "We must battle but many have pain that would make them give up."

"We would not want to miss more," Loki said. "Mother would be appalled if we gave up due to grief. Any war brings grief and she will bring the most."

Thor nodded. Dawn said it. "She already has. She killed the elf village near the grief village. She also called up false spirits because I saw my mother, who has been reborn."

Thor bowed his head. "I mourn their deaths. I hope it was peaceful." He grimaced. "Let me get the military, Father." Heimdall waved a hand that he had already summoned them. "Heimdall, do her people appear other places?"

"Yes. That is why Xander is guarding the dwarves. Especially the heirs. They had twins recently."

"Put them with the slayers?" Willow suggested.

"Nay, they'll be attacked," Heimdall said. "They would be on the front lines of her getting to Midgard."

"Others need warned," Dawn said, looking at her cellphone. "I get reception up here. That's cool. Thanks, Heimdall." She sent out a mass text message to her whole contacts list. It got some of her professors but they had to know anyway. It also got to a few agents, who weren't liking it but better to be warned. Stephen sent back a grimace. It was a picture of him grimacing and a 'I'll be on the watch for that portal to open here.' Xander's back was a swearing about his one-night stand. She frowned at that. "Xander slept with her? Huh. The really dangerous do like him."

Loki spun to look at her. "What?" he demanded. She showed him that message. "That boy is insane."

"Only the deadly and dangerous like him. Some of us were taking bets about you liking him," she quipped, smiling at him. "Do you feel the lusties for Xander?" Willow burst out giggling.

"I find him amusing but too much a warrior," Loki said sarcastically. Dawn grinned. "Stephen should lock you in a closet."

"If they take out the house, that'd be a problem."

"Point. Though you should find somewhere safe."

"I'll go visiting if I have to, Loki. Not like I haven't been there before thanks to Willow." She shrugged but grinned. "Can I summon those unicorn princess warriors to help? They're supposed heros."

"We do not need them," Odin said impatiently. Dawn grinned at him. "I met their representative. My wife thought they needed more training."

"Me too. Especially about important things. They summoned me to take out their enemy. They're more flighty than my sister."

Thor burst out laughing. "I met them when they stopped at the tower." He shook his head. "Oh, dear."

Dawn nodded. "But hey, more warriors is good."

"Perhaps," Odin agreed. He looked at the military people coming in, raising a hand when they pulled weapons on Willow. "She was under multiple compulsions from some of us. I will deal with them later. Right now, we face a battle. Hela was found earlier. She was sent into a portal but it may not last for more than a few days."

"Some of her people attacked the dwarves," Heimdall said. "The warrior that saved that academy is guarding them."

"We lost at least an elf village," Dawn said quietly when they stared at her. "She came for Odin there. We had words but I sent her into a dead portal for hopefully at least a few days."

The head general looked at Odin. "She is but a girl."

"So is Sif, and she beats you in sparring," Thor warned him. "Do not discount Dawn or others. Asgard faces its worst threat yet with Hela appearing soon. We must protect her and the peoples."

The generals all nodded. "We will, Lord Thor," they promised, mostly together.

"We must all work together," Odin warned. "Loki?"

"I cannot rule a dead realm," he said bluntly. "I would not have Asgard fall."

Thor nodded. "When you pretended to be our father, you did good for Asgard for the most part. People have wanted you back for that." Loki smirked at him. "Seriously. A few wished to have you back because I do not have the patience to deal with petty things yet."

Dawn moaned and held her head. "Damn it." She was put into a seat. She blinked at Loki. "There is another of you, a half sister. She is with the one who holds gladiator things. She will capture your brother so he may fight like a Roman. He has the Hulk. We may need him. And the dwarves are going into hiding. That was a direct sending from one of their mages." She looked at Thor then at Loki. Then back at Thor. "Someone tried to send a demon to attack Jane. Xander ended it but they're trying to make sure the child lives. It had poisoned claws," she said, getting up to walk over to him. "I'm sorry if she miscarries, Thor. They're trying very hard."

He slumped but nodded. "I can see that, Dawn. Who sent the demon?"

"I don't know. The one who sent that at me didn't know. The healer that the dwarves sent protected Jane's life and healed Darcy's injuries from trying to protect Jane." Thor slumped but nodded once. "They're trying but wanted you warned. It was against you, and only you."

The godling looked at her. "Was it one of us?"

"She did not know."

"I'll ask then. The demon?"

"Beheaded. Xander did it with one of the twins in his arms actually." Thor smiled a tiny bit. "Apparently the heirs have colic."

He smiled. "I hear that is a bad thing." He walked off. "I'll be back."

"Thor, that half-sibling of whoever, she's a lot like you but was taught to hate like Loki."

"I'll take that warning, Dawn. Thank thee." He went into the gardens.

Loki frowned. "Who?"

"She calls herself Valkyrie." She touched his hand. "Can you read it?"

He cast that spell and frowned. "I know of her parentage." He put up an image of her. Heimdall choked. He looked at him. "Could be the other's."

"Could be," he admitted. "Where is she?"

"The one who holds gladiator style games and has the Hulk, Heimdall."

"He may be useful," Loki said, considering it. "He is also another with healing gifts."

"Get him," Odin agreed. "You two can work on that. Get her as well, see if she will help us against Hela."

"I can," Loki agreed, walking off. "I know of him. We've had tea."

Dawn sat down again, looking at Odin. "Where can I help, Odin?"

"I know not," he admitted. "You should be safer, Dawn."

"I should be but my children do call out for me. You have two stored."

"We have three stored," Heimdall said, frowning.

"You have two stored," Dawn corrected. "The Key can feel her babies, Heimdall."

He frowned as he ran to the vault to check. He came back. "One has been removed," he announced. "And I talked to the Collector. His demesne were attacked."

Odin sighed as he sat down. "That is not good. With all five, someone could use the gauntlet."

"No, one's still hidden," she said. "One's near Groot. Awake and I felt it but it is there."

Heimdall smiled at her. "I had not heard that."

"I felt it when I got shoved there by accident," she said dryly. "Then when I sent Groot home, I felt the echo of it. That one of my babies is happy that others talk to it. The staff is still lonely but tainted by the one who wants them all to give death to his girlfriend, Hela."

Odin winced. "That is truly insane." Dawn nodded. "You could go to Midgard."

"I'm no safer there than I am here, Odin, and I could be of some help. Heimdall wouldn't have the time to get me. And I don't have classes for another two weeks. I'm between semesters. I was going to do a report on some of your artwork that holds magic for my artifact studies classes." She grinned.

He snorted but looked amused. "That is a good reason but you will flee, child."

"If possible and I'm in the way," she promised.

"Good. Gather the military here tonight," he ordered. The military leaders nodded and bowed then left. Dawn went to look at the paintings in the hall. Odin looked at Heimdall. "Are we ready?"

"One can never be ready for Hela or Death," he reminded him. "But we are warriors and we will fight until Death claims us."

"Can we be called back by her?"

"Not that I'm aware of. I will ask the healers."

"Thank you, my friend."

"We all miss your wife, Odin. She would have walked into a side-chamber to have a fit then come back to start sending orders." Odin smiled but nodded. "Rest for now." He left, going to warn others and make sure he would know if she appeared anywhere.

***

Dawn called on a portal mirror, smiling and waving. "It's super hugely evil," she said in greeting, making the slayers moan and Stephen grimace but sip his tea. The others were groaning. "Thanos' girlfriend, Death, is coming for everyone. He wants to gift her more of her special area, which is why he's coming. We'll have him on Midgard. We'll have her here on Asgard and possibly some of the other realms. Sister dear, you're screwed. Oh, and we removed all the compulsions from Willow."

"Great!" Buffy complained. "How soon?"

"Could be days on Hela. Could be weeks on Thanos. No one's sure on him. But the highly powerful artifacts," she said with a pointed look at Stephen. "He wants them to be more powerful. There's one missing." He winced but nodded once and finished his cup of tea. "And the guy who had another one thinks he's still got it but he was attacked." She looked at the other mirror. "You guys were there and had the other stone we're talking of."

"Super glowy and powerful?" the racoon asked.

"Yup," Dawn quipped. "And he's psychotic and wanting to give his girlfriend Death more of it." She grinned at him. "It's got to stay out of his hands."

"Can we destroy it?" the human asked.

"No." She shook her head. "Not unless you really want to annihilate your reality and/or part of the universe."

"Great!" he said, then groaned. "How bad, how soon?"

"Could be any time now." She put up a picture of both bad guys. "Bad guys du jour."

"Got it," the human said with a nod. "Army, warriors?"

"Her, yes. Him, he's immortal. And supposedly locked up somewhat." Stephen winced at that. "So...." She looked at her sister. "She's Hela, the Goddess of Death."

"Crap," Buffy said. "She's got a cult here locally."

"Have fun with that," Dawn said. "Really." Buffy sighed but nodded. "Talk to the big hitters, Buffy. Ask the guys in the armor."

"Yeah, I can do that. That's not a bad idea. How soon? Are we in deep?"

"Willow might have to call on the hellmouths," Dawn said. "There's going to be panicking. She can appear. She is not human, she's Asgardian."

"So iffy if we can do more than drive her off. Where's Xander?"

"Protecting some dwarves who needed him," Dawn said. "And Thor's wife and his own sister."

"Oh. Okay. That's good. Are they coming here?"

"Him, yes. Her...probably not but not totally certain."

"Okay, we'll send out an all points. If you hear from Xander, have him come home?"

"He might have some way of defeating her, not totally sure," Dawn admitted. "But I've sent a message to him a few times." Buffy sighed but nodded again. "So, yeah, huge big bad evil things coming." She grinned and waved. "I'm here on Asgard for now. I'm going to do what I can to help up here then I'll be back."

"That's fine. If you have to run back here, go into hiding," Buffy ordered. "Try to bring back Willow and Xander if you can." Dawn nodded. Buffy hung up and went to talk to the others. "Huge news from Dawn and it's worse than an apocalypse," she announced as she walked into the living room. "Get the others." A few slayers pulled out phones to summon the others. "Including the old liners. They might have a clue to help." She flopped down with a sigh.

Dawn looked at Stephen. "The hiding areas you set up are still good. The ones down here?"

"Hidden," she admitted. "I don't know where he hid them."

"All right. I'm assuming something like that bank?" She nodded. "Then we can watch over those areas. I'll spread the information about, Dawn. Do be safe." He hung up.

She grinned at the last mirror. "Make sure it's safe?"

"The ones guarding it won't talk to us," the human said.

She smiled. "You can warn them of all this but he's going to kill everyone that he can. It gives his girlfriend happy times. Oh, and she's a leather catsuit wearing, pain is great sort." She looked behind her then at him. "Be safe. Tell Groot Mortimer said hi." She hung up and rolled to get away from the woman standing there. "Valkyrie."

"Who are you?"

"I'm Dawn. I was warning some allies. Including my sister."

"Why would you warn her?" she demanded.

"My sister's the senior slayer. The Chosen One who fights vampires and other nasties." Valkyrie groaned. Dawn grinned. "Yeah, kinda necessary. She can get others in to help with that battles on Midgard. The other one was a warrior group I've sort of helped in the past and they'd be on the front line this time."

"That makes much sense. I was summoned to come here."

"C'mon. I'll lead you to the throne room." She walked her that way, nodding at a few snotty looking bitches on the way. "Don't worry, you guys will pay for disrespecting Thor's honey that way," she told one sneering one. "We'll have popcorn when that happens." The woman stomped off. She looked at the other woman and smiled. "She's a stupid cunt."

"Many are. They seem to think with them," Valkyrie said. They walked into the throne room, her nodding at the man standing there. "I know of you."

"Doctor Banner," Dawn said, holding out a hand. "Dawn Summers."

"I remember you." He shook her hand. "Thor was telling me how bad it's going to get."

"Yes, and it's multi-area. Unfortunately." He nodded at that, grimacing. "This is Valkyrie if you hadn't met her and this is Mortimer," she said, petting her baby kraken.

He looked then smiled. "He's cute, Dawn."

"He's very cuddly and protective." She looked at Odin. "Have they found her?"

"No. She is still trapped. Her forces were stopped by the dwarves. Many were lost but not all and most of the vulnerable were hidden with your warrior friend." She nodded at that, grimacing a tiny bit. "He is well so far."

"That's good. He does much of the planning for the slayers for battles. My sister wanted him and Willow back if possible for the battles."

"Her trial showed that she was compelled to curse Thor and do other things. She is under watch but not in jail at this time," Odin said. "We have much to plan for."

"Can I help with the evacuations?" Dawn asked. "That way the vulnerable are safer?"

"They've already been moved," Thor said as he walked in. "I made sure earlier. Some didn't want to but the young warriors and the children had to be moved for their own safety and to carry our lines on." He looked at Dawn. "Have you talked to your Xander?"

"Just a quick text message. He said he survived the first battle and she yelled and ranted he was there."

Odin frowned. "She cared that much for him?"

"I have no idea why they're drawn to Xander's panties but they are, Odin. He dated Anyanka once. Nearly married her. When she got her powers back, she found out he had prompted her to have a conscience for her granted wishes."

Odin shuddered. "I saw a few of her workings."

"She got fired and they dated, then he got told they'd be horrified and miserable while married so he walked away from her. It got her powers back but it took about six months for her to lose them again for having a conscience. She died in the final battle that took out Sunnydale, with the First Evil."

"I feel much sorrow if he draws dates like her," Thor admitted, shaking his head. "Xander is a very unusual man and very strong."

"My sister's nagging made him stubborn," Dawn admitted.

"I remember your sister as well, and her nagging," Thor agreed. Dawn grinned at him. "Are they prepared?"

"As much as they can be. I warned the group that is near the other one as well."

Thor nodded. "That's a good idea. Are they safe?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "She said someone is guarding the thing that won't let them anywhere near it." She shrugged, pulling Mortimer down to cuddle and pet. "I have no clue but they'll warn them."

"That's reasonable," Thor agreed quietly. He looked at Loki. "Can you tell if she comes, Brother?"

He looked back, nodding. "She's still fighting to get out of that realm. It will be days but not that long." He looked at Dawn. "He could use you."

"Thanks to Willow he knows I'm around. She locked him to my heart's blood, Loki." She shrugged a tiny bit. "I'm hoping I can be healed when he shows up." He tipped his head but nodded once, looking outside again. She looked at Odin then at Thor. "Where can I help by wearing some of this energy out?"

"We'll get you a bed, Dawn." He walked her off. His mother's maids all huffed off. He looked at her. She shrugged back. "You had words?"

"I told one that I know was in on the curse, because it backlashed into her, that I'd have popcorn when it came due on her. I like Jane and Darcy. They're neat and nice ladies."

Thor smiled. "They are. Though, Jane is quite strong."

"Yeah. Darcy's a lot like her brother only without the battle axe."

He laughed but nodded. He got her into a room and she nodded, going to rest for now. He went to talk to Loki. "Can you remove the curse from Jane?" he asked him.

"I have only glanced at it but I may not be able to do more than mitigate it," he said, looking up at Thor. "I have no idea about your child or if it would transfer over."

"Would anyone know for certain?"

"He is not nearby so I couldn't ask," he said. "It's manageable until we can remove it, Thor. I have sent that one a message about the curse. I know he was not in on it."

"Thank you, Loki. She is important to me."

"They may get their wish and have you two broken apart," he warned. "But you may be able to not harm her."

"If that is what must become, then we will handle it," Thor decided. "Thank you for the help."

"It is no problem. I would have no child raised as I was." He walked off.

Thor got Bruce to a room and went to talk to his father. He understood his grief, he had it over his mother and his wife. Maybe his father had learned something wise from his grief leave.

***

Darcy watched the hammer wiggle on the floor. "Mew-mew, need something softer to rest on?" she asked quietly. Jane was in bed. The healer had stuck her in it and told her to rest to try to hold off the miscarriage. She moved closer to it, petting the handle. "It'll be okay. He's trying to end the curse, baby." She went to sit outside and tried not to think too hard about her brother being in the way of huge problems again. She hated that her brother risked his life that way. She understood why, and she'd do the same thing if she had to, but it still sucked hugely.

She looked up. "You get dead, Xander, and I'm going to revive you and then kill you again," she murmured. "And then maybe a few more times too." She sulked, thinking hard about things. Jane was moaning again so she went in to help her into the bathroom. Then into the tub she ran for her. She went to make her some tea to help with the pain but that was about all she could really do to help her. She looked at the hammer then back at the teapot.

The hammer wiggled again and Darcy went to check on it again. Nothing was bothering it. It was on a nice table that had been cleared of magazines and books. "Hey, baby. It'll be okay." She petted it again. This time it shocked her. She glared at the hammer. "Keep it up, watch me cover you with a pillow case so you never get dusty or any sunlight." It zapped her again. She swatted it and it moved into her hand. "Oh. Um..." She picked it up, staring at it. "You sure you want me?" It wiggled, flying with her help. "Hey, Jane's not in good shape," she protested. "Don't make her hurt more." The hammer went in to cuddle to Jane, who petted it, giving it strange looks. Darcy shrugged. "It got wiggly." She handed over the mug of tea. "For pain."

"Thanks, Darcy," she said quietly. She looked at the hammer. "I'm sorry about it too, Mjolnir." It zapped her, making her yelp.

"Hey!" Darcy warned, taking the hammer and putting it onto the floor. "You're not hurting Jane. She's got enough shit to deal with right now." The hammer hit her on the ankle so she swatted it back. "Keep it up," she warned. "I can put you in the pool." It settled down. "Thank you!" she snorted. She looked at Jane, who was smiling. "I doubt you needed electrocuted in the tub."

Jane sipped her tea, looking at the hammer. "You could go back to Thor." She got a negative feeling from it. "Why are you talking to me suddenly?" It rocked toward her. "Huh. Do you need us to get you to your next holder?" she asked. The hammer seemed upset with that thought. "We can ask someone to get you to Asgard." It hit the side of the tub and Darcy threw it out into the hall this time. "Thanks."

"Welcome. You need the hot bath to heal, Janey." She went to stare at the hammer. "Jane does not need this shit. She's not healthy, she's not happy, and she's got to grieve and things. If you need someone, use me until she's better, but until then leave Jane alone."

"I'll be okay," Jane said.

Darcy looked back at her. "Of course you will." She shrugged. "Doesn't mean this isn't a bad time for him to get cuddly."

"Point. I could use some rest." Darcy helped her out and back to bed. "I'll see you tomorrow, Mjolnir. When I'm better." It zapped her lightly then flew at Darcy, making her catch it. Darcy's clothes changed. "You go help your brother. I heard you muttering about him."

Darcy looked at her and nodded. "I'm going to beat his ass if he dies from this." She looked at the hammer. "Fine, we'll go help my little brother Xander. He's with the dwarves." The hammer flew off, taking her with it. "Hey, slow down! I've only seen Thor doing this! I have no idea how to get anywhere or land!"

Jane laughed, shaking her head. "It does mean I'll get to sulk alone for a bit," she said, sinking back into her bed. "I need some time to think."

***
Part 8 by Voracity2
Xander looked up from a battle as the sound of thunder happened, frowning up. "Sis?" he called. "What're you doing?"

"It likes me," she shot back, then landed hard, making her wince. "Okay, let's kick some butt." Xander stared at her. She stared back, waving the hammer around. He rolled his eyes but pointed. "Great. Yay. Before I was helping evacuate but cool. We can do this." She swung the hammer at one of the bad guys and grimaced at the split skull. "Ewww, brains are gross." Xander laughed but helped her with her first battle. It was bonding. More warriors showed up and she looked back, nodding at one. He stared at her oddly. "It got wiggly, Sif."

"That is interesting."

"I'm pretty sure it wanted Jane but she's not in great shape," Darcy admitted. She hit another few people and kicked one. Xander shot them then beheaded them for her. They went back to it, clearing the field of bad aliens. She panted, leaning down. "Damn it, I didn't realize that fighting was this hard."

Xander patted her on the back. "Yes it is. That's why I can wear out my lovers so damn often." He helped her stand up, looking at the hammer. "This was a backup force, Hammer."

"Mew-mew, are we staying here to help for a bit or moving to another one?" It tapped Xander's axe then flew back into her hand. She yelped as it flew her off. "Hey, slow down! I still don't know how to do this flying shit!"

Xander grinned and waved. "Put your body into a better position," he called after her. "It's more aerodynamic and won't burn as much." She shifted her position and it was easier. Darcy waved as they disappeared into a portal. He looked at Sif, grinning. "Well, she complains when I get into battles."

Sif nodded. "The hammer has a mind of her own," she agreed, looking around. "Why did they attack here?"

"There's a stone here, Sif."

She stared at him. "There should not be."

"They stole one that was split and was bringing it here to reform it." He pointed at the dwarf princess he ended up protecting now and then, who was petting the stone while telling her twins about it. He looked at Sif again. "The ones on earth are safely locked up in ways that's almost impossible to get to without having a full blown attack. And the ones holding two of the three can fight back."

"That makes six or seven stones," she said.

He grinned. "Ya think? They know about five but there were a few others split off, Sif. Their first attempt wasn't big enough and held almost no power but could be charged. There's two others in that class and one that's weird but not like the others. We think it's got filled with void magic instead."

Sif blinked. "We know not of thus. How do you?"

He grinned. "I asked the source."

"Oh."

"Who is helping the brothers and their dad."

Sif stared at him. "I knew of that." He pointed. She looked. "That is a portal from that side."

"Yup." He looked back then at the princess. "Hey!" he called then pointed. "Take the kids." She nodded, taking the kids and the stone with her. The warriors all fell in around her. She was glowing brightly but the stone was powering the twins better. They went to hide in places only dwarves could get to. Xander looked back then at Sif. "Is that an enemy?"

Sif stared, but nodded once. "Sometimes." She stomped over. "We are just ending a battle. Do you need such help?"

"There are enemies coming for Asgard," the lead warrior told her. He looked back. "Our seers saw that one." He pointed at Xander.

"Xander has been protecting the dwarves from Hela." Sif stared at him. "He has saved Asgard in the past. I doubt he is the threat. He was probably seen at that battle."

"He was fighting with young warriors."

"Was one a brunette female?" Xander called, walking that way. "And a lot of young warriors?" They nodded. "That's when I saved a battle academy from the slayers who wanted to take warriors as war husbands." He stared at the warrior. "You look like the teacher I saved."

"He was my cousin. He was rescued?"

"Yes. I showed up with the senior Slayer Faith and we kicked the girls around until they were sent home pouting about being bitches."

"I see." He looked back at his seer, who nodded that may fit with his vision. He looked at Sif again. "Who attacks Asgard now?"

"Hela," she said. The war team all moaned. "We must go protect the others. May we use your portal?" They nodded. "Xander?"

He looked back at the guarding dwarves, who waved. "Call me back if you need me," he reminded them. They nodded. "Or find Dawn. I'll be near her probably." He bowed and followed Sif once one of the guards tossed him his bag and backpack. "Okay." They stepped through onto Asgard, watching as the ground shivered. He looked at Sif, who shrugged. She had no idea. They went to the palace, going to meet up with the others. Xander walked in, kissing Dawn on the head since she was sipping tea while walking around talking to her pet kraken. He walked over, looking at Odin, Thor, and Loki. He ignored the Council members. "Your hammer has picked a temporary helper." Thor winced. "I don't think it'll keep her."

"Her?" Loki asked.

"Saw Darcy," Xander said with a grin at Thor, who moaned and sat down, hugging himself. "I don't think it'll stay with her. She's still fussing at it making her fly."

Thor looked up. "You think it was only helping for this battle?"

"Quite possibly. She showed up to help ours then the hammer went through a portal with her. I had to yell how to fly after her."

Thor stood up with a sigh. "That makes much sense. She could move it before so she is at least partially worthy. I have no idea why it picked a woman."

Xander stared at him then got out of the way so Sif could hit him if she wanted. "Women can be great warriors, Thor. Your friend proves thus." He looked back at Dawn. "Why are you muttering?"

"Headache. I can feel more babies around here."

"The unpowered and can be filled, the powered, or the strange one?" he asked.

She looked up. "Two unpowered. The void one is near that one that we had to warn. I felt it then it went blank on purpose so it couldn't be bothered. I think it was watching maidens bathe in a stream or something since I got water feelings and sexy time thoughts from it."

Xander shook his head. "Your babies are very weird. I can't wait until you have human ones so I can make them normal." He grinned at her.

"If, Xander. If. Not when." She smirked back. Someone shot magic at her and Xander threw his axe back at them, making them scream and fall down injured. She walked over to haul out the axe and toss it back to him. "Thanks. I was about to turn him into a mole or something." She walked over to hug him then went out onto the balcony. "We have another portal starting," she called. "Big one too." Loki came to look and shook his head. "Okay, good. More warriors?" she asked him.

"It appears to be some from the Light elves," he agreed. He looked at her. "Have you been in a battle?"

"On the sidelines as a magical support mechanism," she said. "The same as I would be this time." Xander handed her his bag, letting her pull out the small bits of artillery he had shrunk in there. Loki stared at her oddly. She grinned. "I know I'm not a warrior, Loki, but I'm damn helpful when I can do what I can do. Including possibly summoning the stones to me. They won't hurt me."

"True," he agreed, walking off. "The Light elves, Odin." He nodded. They'd show up later to greet them and find their places in battle. He looked at Xander. "The dwarves?"

"They showed up with a fractured stone to have it fixed by their fires. They lost. Darcy really helped with that. The dwarven princess and her heirs still lived as of when we left."

"The stone?" Odin demanded.

"Safely stored by now," he assured him with a smirk. "It was a dwarven God of Crafting that broke off the original stones. They know more about them than anyone. If the ones guarding it can't, they'll come to me. She knows to do that. It's one of her last owed wishes."

Odin nodded at that. "That's reasonable. The dwarves are good at making powerful weapons."

"It's still broken," Xander quipped with a grin. "Therefore not usable by the glove."

Odin relaxed and nodded. "That is good news for future battles."

"I'm more worried he'll show up to help his girlfriend," Dawn admitted. Xander looked back at her. "Seen anything?"

"Not a one about him," he admitted. "Had a vision where Hela shattered the hammer and then a woman who isn't Darcy showed up with it." He looked at Thor. "She was blonde but I couldn't be certain who she was."

"Did you sense her?" he asked.

"Yup, and if I was right, it's Jane Foster." Thor blinked a few times, his mouth opening. "Though she was not speaking to you."

"That...with the curse that may be necessary," he agreed. Valkyrie walked in with a few warriors. "Valkyrie." He nodded at her. "Have you met the warrior Xander yet? He works with the Midgardian Slayers of Demons."

She looked at him and he grinned back. "No comment." He smiled and blew a kiss. "I was recruiting for the battle arena." She rolled her eyes. "His method of stopping that battle was unusual and disturbing."

"I'm not the heathen witch that released the hormone bomb on the battle," he quipped. "I just realized it and got my few people out of there."

"What were you doing?" Dawn asked. "Even I haven't heard about that one, Xander."

"The demon in Mozambique sent us there to get away from her takeover bid. Then had to call us back because the portal that sent us radiated that hormone bomb. The witch sent it over to help us get back there to defeat her plot." He grinned at her and winked. "The two slayers were not amused and the three bad guy assholes we had conscripted for the battle that came with us hated that they were needy enough to fall down screwing killed each other at the end of the battle so they weren't tainted."

Dawn looked at him. "I haven't even heard about a battle in Mozambique outside that one that was a demon commune that got mad at the locals for hating them."

"Well, yeah. Some of those were hidden. Can't you just imagine your sister's face when she finds out an intergalactic witch did a fuck or die spell to stop a battle from another realm?"

Dawn winced, shaking her head. "I can imagine her stroke but her face is pretty solid in non-emotion. Which was the cause of the stroke." She rubbed her forehead. "Usually you don't do this to me." She walked off to get some water from the pot in the corner.

Xander grinned at Sif. "Aren't you glad you missed that one?"

She nodded. "Yes. I would have hated to have ruined many for lesser women by my touch," she said dryly. "Though I have heard of that battle and saw it in scrying. Very well won." He grinned at her before blowing a kiss. She looked at Valkyrie. "That is not the strangest battle he has fought. The rest...are best not talked about in public before someone gets upset." The young warrior woman blushed but nodded at that. Bruce walked in. "Doctor Banner," Sif greeted with a smile and a hand shake. "Are you well today?"

"I'm pretty good. Harris," he said with a nod.

"I just helped defend the dwarves."

"That's good. Is it soon?"

Loki shook his head. "Tomorrow probably."

"That's fine. Let me go back to resting and reading then. Dawn, how's college going?"

"Not too bad. My first semester was pretty decent." She smiled at him. "They hate that I can deal with magical artifacts and found two that they swore up and down were normal aren't. Both are possessed and the they're influencing a few teachers. The administration hated that they had to get someone to come exorcize them. And their wives. And one kid...." He winced. She grinned. "They weren't doing anything to raise power, just having a lot of fun orgies while they made plans. It got a whole sorority shut down for it." He moaned and shook his head. "Not my fault I found it but they're all giving me weird looks." She shrugged, but smiled at him. "At least I found it before they started a world takeover bid."

"True, that's a good thing," he said, patting her on the shoulder, then petting Mortimer on the head. "Have fun and go rest." She nodded, going back to her room to rest for a bit. He went to have a slight headache but thankfully his faster healing gift thanks to the Hulk worked on magic-sized headaches too.

Loki looked at Xander. "Did you gift her with that gift of chaos?"

"She's Buffy's sister, not mine. I just treat her like a sister." He grinned. "That's all on her."

"Perhaps the stones coming into contact with her will help that," Sif said. She looked at Thor. "Darcy did not fully understand how to use your hammer."

"Darcy's more comfortable with support roles than being in the battle itself," Xander said patiently. "The hammer was teaching her."

"She did good for her first battle," Sif said with a smile for him. "Though I know she would rather handle things quietly than be known."

"Yes, she would. And I'd like that for her," Xander agreed. "She hates it when I go into battles. I feel the same way." Sif smiled at him. "Hopefully some day I'll feel the same way about any nieces and nephews I might be given."

"She would make a caring mother," Sif agreed. The other Warriors Three showed up and she nodded at them. "The battle with the dwarves was done with. They are safe."

Hogun smiled. "Thank you, Sif and Xander." He nodded. "Come, I'll show you to where you can rest and clean up." He led Xander off chatting about friends they had in common.

Thor looked at the other two. "Darcy has my hammer temporarily."

Fandral gave him an odd look. "A girl? They don't tend to use hammers in battles. They use bows or short swords. Or they're dwarves who use swords."

"It was training her how to use it as they went," Sif said. "It was her first battle where she fought instead of supported. She did well." She glanced at Thor then at them. "Though Xander's vision had a future wielder who looks much like Jane Foster."

Fandral shuddered. "She would nag much during the battle about science instead of magic."

Thor nodded. "It would probably pause her studying of the stars and the bridge." Heimdall stomped in looking messed up. "You had a fight?" he demanded.

"Quite. With one of Hela's smaller groups," he said with a nod toward Odin. "They were defeated."

"Thank thee, Heimdall," Odin said with a nod back. "Good job." He looked at Loki. "Are you battling or helping the young one?"

"Both," he said. "As needed." He looked at his adoptive father. "Both will probably be needed."

Odin nodded. "Probably true. The others?"

"The Council still refuses to believe," Heimdall said. "They are stubborn and will be put into the battle if we must."

"The orphans and young were taken already and hidden," Sif said. "We did that before we went to handle the dwarves' battle. They should be safe and their location is hidden by multiple means."

"Then some of us may live," Odin said. "Thank thee, Sif." Dawn came jogging in and hauled Odin out of his seat, blasting the magic with some of hers. Loki frowned and came over to test it. "Chit," Odin said firmly.

"Shut up," Dawn ordered. "That's a space portal. Into just space."

Loki tested it and grimaced. "She's right. It was meant to suck you into space, Odin." He took Dawn's hand to cast against the portal, closing it. "Nicely caught, Dawn."

"I felt the magic come up the hallway. Whoever did it is it from outside." She looked at Heimdall, who was staring toward his usual post. "Heimdall?"

He grimaced. "It was from another realm, not one of ours. It came from a corner of the bridge." He stomped off. "Let me go stop that from happening. Thank thee, Dawn."

"Welcome, Heimdall." She smiled at Odin. "Sorry about the grabbing but better being hauled out of your chair than being sent into space, right?" He huffed but nodded. She went back to her room to rest.

Loki looked amused. "She is quite a girl." Odin stared at him. "Not my type," he said dryly, still smirking. "But she is quite amusing." He walked off happier.

Odin shook his head. He was surrounded by some very warping influences but they were all warriors of some sort or another so he knew he could trust them.

***

Loki found Xander in the kitchens late that night, staring at him. "I found a picture of my mother with you. She looked amused."

Xander grinned back at him. "She had a woman eating plant be sent to her for her gardens. I was being nagged by Odin about being a human who had saved a bunch of healers. So I went to kill the plant for her. When I got back to the throne room with her, Odin was still nagging and hadn't realized I had left."

"I've seen him in that mood before," Loki agreed. "Though that was not the picture I spoke of."

Xander chuckled, shaking his head. "Same person who sent the plant." He grinned at the chaos god. "Not our idea and Odin finally went to take out your maternal cousin who wanted to be your mother's replacement pussy for him."

"Charming," Loki said dryly. "Was it good?"

"Very. Mostly." He shrugged. "Wanted details?"

"Only if you want to give me blackmail."

"Nope. Not at the moment." He winked and walked off with his sandwich. "I'll be up just after daybreak if you don't need me sooner."

"That's fine. We think she'll open it late afternoon. The heat would benefit her people more than us swimming in our armor."

"Yes it does. Having a battle in equatorial Africa is not fun and proved that point to me once. The rest of the time I didn't have armor." He took his food back to his room to finish resting and mentally swearing at his sister for volunteering. Darcy was going to find out what being fussed over was like as soon as she got back. Then maybe he'd introduce her to a few warriors he had met, if they survived, so she'd have someone decent to date. Before she followed him into his career of surviving the impossible.

Loki went back to the throne room. Odin was staring outside again at his former wife's garden. Loki summoned the picture and handed it over. "It was given to me by your former advisor."

Odin looked then smiled and tucked it into his shirt pocket. "The spell was warped but your mother put up with cuddling."

"I did not need details unless you wish to share them," he said, smirking at his father when he got glared at. "I asked Xander and he told me about the spell, nothing more."

"Did you smite the one who gave it to you?"

"No, he's got his place in battle tomorrow and I'm not going to waste a warrior. Should he survive I'll make sure he remembers why he has such bad luck." He walked off again.

Odin shook his head but smiled slightly. It was nice Loki was thinking strategically and logically about things. Even if they were trying to divide the family further before the worst battle their people had ever fought. How did one fight Death when it would eventually win?

***

Darcy landed and waved her hand while switching the hammer to the other side. "Ow. Way too strong on the pull still, babe." The hammer wiggled against her leg. "Yup, we're home. Let's go see what we can do to help."

Dawn leaned out a doorway. "Want breakfast, Darce?"

"Please." She walked that way, nodding at a few people.

"The Council has banned you," one of the guards said.

"Yeah but the hammer overrules them," she said, holding it up. He gasped and backed up, making her grin. "She wanted to fight for her people even though some of you cursed her for being happy." She followed Dawn to the kitchen, getting handed an egg sandwich by Sif. "Thank you, Sif." She gave her a one-armed hug. "The stone there is safe. Another being was trying for it but me appearing and landing on top of him helped. It's locked in an idiot proof vault."

Dawn grinned. "That'll hopefully help. He can't use the other type of stone for his gauntlet so he'll probably be at least slightly easier to beat."

"One would hope," Sif agreed. She settled down with her breakfast, waiting until Darcy had swallowed to ask her the important thing. "How is Jane Foster and her babe?" she asked.

Darcy shook her head. "That demon that attacked did poison her. The healer was hopeful but not optimistic. I'm pretty sure she's going to miscarry if she hasn't yet. Which is bumming her, of course, but she's strong and she'll grieve and handle the problems. The one who sent the demon?"

"Dead," Dawn said dryly. "Very, incredibly dead." Darcy grinned at her. The hammer wiggled from where Darcy put it. "It's all right, Mjolnir. We're just refueling for the next battle." It wiggled again. Darcy went to test it and got taken by it. She landed back in Namibia. Jane looked up from a simple math problem that was keeping her calm. It flew over to land in front of Jane so Darcy told her what she had learned about how to fly and fight with the hammer's help. Jane nodded, going to change clothes. Then she came back and the hammer took her, changing her clothes for her. Jane got flown off, adjusting easily enough. Darcy went to shower and rest and swear and cry. It was a good day for it. Dawn looked up as Jane landed and came in to get breakfast. "Hey, Jane. You all right?"

"I'm fine. The healer came back and said I'd be fine. She ended all the problems so I didn't have to suffer."

Dawn looked at her then nodded once. "It's in a sub-realm portal." Jane flinched, staring at her, one hand on her stomach. "It's basically held in stasis, like the bag I put Willow into." She looked at her. "That way nothing you do, outside of death, will interfere. I'm not sure if she'll heal while in there. She probably won't age though."

"So I'm still pregnant but it's hidden?" Dawn nodded, smiling at her. "Thank you, Dawn."

"Just don't get dead and don't get magic sucked."

"I can do that." She sat down, accepting a pear from Sif to eat while they talked about the upcoming battle. Jane had gotten a brief tutorial from the hammer on the way there but nothing too big. Sif could teach her how to use the hammer so she'd be fine for now.

***

In the middle of the battle, Dawn felt Jane be injured and looked over then frowned. Ethics were an inconvenient thing. She decided it was worth it and summoned one of her babies to Jane's chest. It flew over and implanted, making her scream in pain but she was protected and healed. Loki looked over. She shrugged. "It's safer." He nodded once. They went back to fighting Hela's forces. Hela was fighting with Thor for now. Hela broke the hammer that came flying at her but Dawn ran over and touched it, rebuilding it. She petted it. "There, baby. You go back to your human." The hammer flew back to Jane and Dawn faced off with her.

"Had enough now. Death can't always win or there's no more reason for anything to exist, Hela. Nature is a perfect balance for a reason, or it's all gone and no one has anything. Including you." Hela threw something at her and Dawn shrugged as it hit her. She waved a hand, making it disappear. "You won't win against me, Hela. I'm immortal in a few different ways," she said quietly. "Even if you did, my babies would get you back for it." The ones nearby all came at her call and Hela gasped, backing away. "Your time is done. Your function of thinning the arrogant has ended. Begone, Hela, so Nature can rebuild." She sent Hela off again with the power of the stones. Then she passed out.

Willow nearly passed out. "I'm so glad I had her mother possess her," she panted.

Sif glared at her. "Her mother had been reborn, Rosenburg. That means you killed an innocent to get their souls."

Willow looked up. "The rest were dead if I didn't." Sif went to check on Dawn but Xander was. Willow sent a fire spell at Hela's forces and they burned. She got knocked out by Hogun before she got anyone else.

Sif found the duo and squatted down. "Willow had her possessed by her mother."

Xander sighed but nodded. "I'm going to smite that witch some day." He looked up. "Dawn will be fine."

"Good. Let's get her evacuated to somewhere safe. Where's Jane Foster? I heard her scream."

"Dawn summoned a stone to protect her." He pointed at where she was glowing but grimacing at her chest. "I'll tend to Dawn later if you have someone put her into bed."

"I can do thus." She got Dawn carried inside. She had protected the greater majority of the troops on their side.

Xander walked over to Jane, looking at the stone nestled in the top of her armor. "It's the void stone," he said quietly, staring at her. "Dawn sent it to protect you."

"How do I mute the glow?"

"You ask it nicely. It's mostly sentient. If it was a bit more powerful it could create itself a new body to hide in but not a fully human one. It might be someone's cat though."

Jane grimaced less this time. "That's nice I guess. I've never had a pet." She poked the stone. "We're glowing and drawing attention." The stone quit glowing. "Thank you." She looked around then at Xander. "Dawn rebuilt the hammer."

"Yeah. Willow had her possessed."

Jane shook her head quickly. "Let me go get a damp cloth to clean the sweat off with." She took the hammer with her. Odin got in her way. She blinked at him. "Yes, Odin?"

"The one who wields the hammer is my heir," he noted calmly. He was clearly injured.

"I don't want your seat, Odin. I'd hate to have to put up with all the bullshit you and Thor do." He smiled and tipped his head. "You need to have those looked at."

"I'm an old warrior, Jane Foster."

She decided to act like Darcy, grabbing him by his ear and walking him off to the healers. "He's just said he's an old warrior and doesn't want to take care of his injuries."

"Many who grieve have those times," a healer said with a nod. "Are you well, Thor?"

"I'm not Thor."

"The one who wields the hammer is Thor," she told her firmly. "Even if it is his wife instead."

"So there's two Thors now?" Jane asked. The healer nodded. "So weird. I have no idea but I'm only barely injured. Thank you." She walked off. Thor was being treated for his injuries by Valkyrie. The magic users were all around Dawn, except Loki, so she broke that up and drove them off. Dawn got taken back to her rooms and Jane decided to nap on her couch for now. It was probably safer for Dawn. Her little kraken buddy that had been hidden in the bathroom came out to check on them both, settling on his human to cuddle and protect her.

Thor looked up as a warrior guard stomped over. "The healers have taken over the palace," he told him.

"Your father lives," he said.

"I saw. It gladdens my heart." He shifted with a wince. "We lost many but not all of us and those who were evacuated are safe."

The warrior nodded. "The one who holds your hammer rescued the witch."

"Excellent. The ones who were bothering Dawn are probably those who cursed me so I cannot hold my hammer and lost my wife."

The warrior winced. "We can gather them, Prince Thor."

"I can gather them later," he assured him. "And I shall."

"Thank you. We will clean up the fields." He went to spread that news. The ones who had attacked the witches were knocked out and shoved in a room together. A healer could go treat them but wasn't going to save them. One tried but was stopped harshly and permanently for trying to free the enemies of Asgard.

Thor looked at Valkyrie. "Thank thee for the stitching help, Valkyrie," he said quietly.

"It's no problem, Thor. Are they coming back?"

"I hope not." He stopped her from moving. "It is your right to reside up here should you wish it to be so," he said, staring at her. "We would not mind those with sense being around." She smiled, shaking her head slightly. "Should you need to, come back to us and we will help if we can."

"I will." She left, going back to her usual duties. Her boss was flustered and angry but it was not her fault.

Thor leaned against the planter he was resting against, looking around. Loki stopped in front of him. "Someone saved Dawn."

"I was heading there when I saw Jane do so. She rests with Dawn for now."

"That's good. They can talk and calm each other down." He stood up with a groan, holding his side. "We must gather the fallen to honor."

"They are. You are needed to be a leader though." Thor nodded, walking off, letting Loki follow. When he didn't, he hauled him by his arm. "I do not need to be there."

"Shut up, Brother."

"Fine. I can put up with the looks yet again."

Thor looked at him. "If they hate you for that, they are weak minded," he said loudly enough to be overheard.

"They have many reasons to hate me, Thor."

He shrugged. "They have reasons to hate me as well. They can move if they don't like it here." He found his father in the throne room. "Father, are you well?"

"Well enough, Thor. That young one dragged me to a healer." Loki smirked at him. "I do find myself liking her more and more as I get to know her." He settled on his throne. "Now what?"

"We rest, we recover, we honor the fallen," Thor reminded him. "Then we move forward to live without the ones who have been lost. The same as we do after every battle. This one was just worse and will rend Asgard for many years to come."

Odin stared at his son. "You have started toward wisdom."

"I only repeat what Mother told you after an earlier battle, Father."

Odin smiled. "I remember and her then hitting me with a pillow because that was all that was hand and she didn't want to break her hand." Both boys smiled at that memory. "Go rest and clean up."

"Nay, we are your sons and we will stand beside you," Thor told him. "It is our job and our honor to do so."

Odin nodded. "Later, Thor. For now, finish getting treated and clean up."

"If it were time for that, you'd be doing the same," Thor reminded him, staring at him.

"You are much like your mother, son."

Thor smirked. "Of course I am. She raised us well." Odin nodded once, going with him to the royal section of the palace to clean up and rest. The brothers did the same and came out to oversee things. Odin came out later to finish the oversight duties as a figurehead of Asgard. He had cut his hair so it was now shorter and he was looking calm. Those who could look into his eye saw the fury there but it was normal for him.

***

Dawn woke up with a groan. "What the fuck?"

"Some of the mages wanted to do something to you so I shooed them off," Jane said, barely awake on the couch. "We're in your rooms."

"Thanks, Jane." She sat up, petting Mortimer since he was tentacle wavy again. "Good boy, Mortimer. Thank you for protecting us." He cuddled her. She went to draw a bath so she could clean up and cuddle her kraken. Jane was grinning when she came out. "Go clean up, Jane. You're bleeding again on the left side." Jane got up with a groan, going to do that. Dawn handed her something to put on when she came out. "Shouldn't be too too big on you. I'm not busty like Darcy is."

"Thanks." They finished dressing and walked out together. Thor smiled at them. She nodded. The hammer zapped her when she tried to talk to him. She sighed, staring at him. He grinned slightly and left it there. The hammer could protect her from that curse on him. She and Dawn bowed to Odin, who nodded back. "Can we help more, Odin?" Jane asked.

"You were both of immense help and we thank you, ladies." He looked at her then at Dawn. "The witch that had you possessed by your mother during the battle is presently with our academy. They can help her with her issues we think." Dawn grinned slightly. "Your sister battles soon."

"I'll go to her in a bit, Odin. Is there anything else I can do to help?"

"Nay, Dawn. You have helped a great many things. Including bringing some light to some dark people." She bowed slightly. "Go rest and then go to help your sister with your brother sort. He is worried about you."

"The ones who had her?" Jane asked him.

"They are presently at the same school hiding but the ones there know to find out what they had planned and stop them," Thor told her. She nodded when the hammer zapped her again. He looked at the hammer. "The curse is quiet today, Mjolnir. Relax some."

"The curse is waiting," Dawn corrected. "It's like a wall."

Thor nodded. "I can feel thus but for now it's fine." He looked at Odin then at Loki so he could say things for him without getting Jane hurt.

"If you wish to go out and do Thor things, be safe, Jane Foster," Loki said more quietly.

"Thank you," she said. "I have no idea what the hammer is planning."

Loki smirked. "Plotting is usually more apt in the case of that hammer. It's a bit...fussy now and then." She smirked at him. "Our new Thor has the blessings of the crown to do as she must."

"Yes, she does," Odin agreed. "Obviously she is worthy." He smiled at her. "Be safe when you travel. Many who are not worthy to even breathe on her want her."

"I've seen that before but I'll protect her as best as I can."

"Good. Thank you for your help, ladies." They bowed and left together. Dawn going back to her apartment with Mortimer and her notes. Jane going to Namibia to check on Darcy. Which got her pulled in to help a local slayer defeat a demon who wanted to woo her.

Odin looked at his elder son. "It is a hard thing when the Fates work against you."

"We wed on Midgard, Father," he said quietly. "Because at that time she carried my daughter."

"She still does but it's tucked away," Loki said. "I could fell the spell on her stomach. They've hidden it so the babe could heal, Thor." Thor slumped but nodded. "So some day perhaps your daughter will come into being anyway."

"Mayhap," he agreed. He looked at his father again. "The Light Elves left a bit ago."

"It was good of them to help us and not tax us with political niceties," Odin said. "Hopefully no more problems will come from her peoples."

"Only her lover awaits his turn as far as we have heard," Loki said. Odin stared at him. "He wants his gauntlet to amuse his lover. Hopefully for now she is resting with him so he can baby her injuries." Odin grimaced. "The Mad Titan has plans, Odin All Father."

"As you heard when he had you possessed," Thor said. Loki tipped his head slightly. "Should I go help my brethren on Midgard?"

"They can do that and you do not have a superior weapon any longer," Odin reminded him.

Thor stared at him. "That has not mattered when a battle was called that was necessary. I've awoken in time to hear horns and had to attend a battle in sleep clothes and without more than a piece of wood for our fires. Though that has been many years," he agreed when Loki burst out laughing. "At least you were still awake so had clothes on."

"Mostly dressed, yes. You in your underwear may have stopped the battle sooner by scaring some of them, Thor."

"They stared in awe, not horror," he shot back with a grin. Loki smirked at him.

Odin rolled his eye. "Take training time, Thor, then go help your battle friends."

"Yes, Father." He went to the palace's guard's head. "I need training time to remember how to fight without my hammer."

"Aye, you do," he agreed. "And we have heard that your friends battle again soon."

"Against the Mad Titan," Thor agreed. "Did Jane take training with Mjolnir?"

"Sif worked with her so she had a good idea of how to use her in battles, Thor."

"Thank thee and I'll thank her later."

"Thank me after we kick you around in training. The ring is not heavily used today. Report there and I'll send down warriors." Thor nodded, going there. He got his best trainers down there. The prince would need the training. He hadn't used a sword since he was a youngling learning how to battle.

***

Darcy got escorted back to Avengers tower, going to where everyone was. Bruce sat down with a huff. Clint settled into a chair. Darcy paused the tv feed, looking at the group. "Thor's lost his hammer," she announced. Stark sat up, staring at her. "Due to the curse that some of his people put on him, he can't talk to Jane, can't get near Jane, can't use his hammer because it tainted him. So instead I let her use me for a few days while Jane healed after an attack that tried to kill her." She swallowed. "I'm going to go back to my backup and support role if that's okay." Stark nodded slowly. "Before the large battle on Asgard against Hela, Mew Mew and I came back and she took Jane with her. I only volunteered because Jane was halfway to miscarrying and needed the rest. And I'm not volunteering for anything ever the hell again." She stared at Natasha then at Stark. "So there's a new Thor named Jane."

Stark blinked a few times and looked at the others then at her. "So Jane's got the hammer and cape and hat?" Darcy nodded, sitting down with a sigh. "Is she all right?"

"She got drawn to help the slayer down there. We got to talk for about five minutes after she got home." She swallowed again. "They won against Hela. Thor, the male one, lives and is slightly injured. The same as Odin and Loki are." A few of them nodded. "Jane had a few good injuries but was healing all right."

"Does the hammer like her daughter?" Natasha asked.

Darcy shook her head. "No, no daughter." Natasha sighed but nodded. "We got attacked by someone who wanted to be petty and tried to have Jane killed by a poisonous demon. We got it down and they weren't sure but she was miscarrying when I picked up the hammer to help her."

"That sucks," Stark said. "Is she okay otherwise?"

"Confused. The hammer's super overprotective and a bit bossy." She grinned slightly. "It taught me how to use it as we flew off to my first battle. I'm *so* getting nagged about that because we ran into my brother protecting dwarves."

"Did they win against Hela on Asgard?" Steve asked. Darcy nodded. "That's good then."

"The hammer switched to Jane that morning. I was having a pre-battle breakfast with Dawn and Lady Sif when it wanted to change over." She looked at Bruce. "I need to pack up Jane's notes before I figure out what I'm doing. That way only she can get into it. I know a few are in your lab."

"We can lock it here so no one can get into it," Stark said.

"I didn't get a chance to ask Jane about that, Stark. I'm not sure what sort of access she'd want anyone to have."

"We'll put it in a safe and ask her when she shows up," Stark assured her. "As for super intern jobs, we'll see what you can find." He grinned. "No one else understands how to deal with my geek squad." Darcy grinned back. "Pep?"

"I don't have a problem with that, Tony. Darcy's proved she's a good assistant." She crossed her legs. "What about our Thor?"

"I figure he'll be back some day but I have no idea what weapons he'll be using," she admitted. She frowned and looked at Bruce. "Did we remember to get Fury out of the closet?"

"Yup," Clint said with a grin. "We did last night. He got handed to some of the SHIELD people." He looked at the others. "The demon that showed up to poison Jane was nasty to kill."

Natasha grimaced. "Beheading?"

"Head was on the chest, no neck," Clint told her. "I ended up using an exploding arrow too close to anyone to kill it."

"I've got to work on some better weapons for that," Stark agreed. "So, we've got a few big things to think about. Can Jane handle a battle?"

"She sure did apparently," Darcy quipped. "It was her first as a warrior instead of an aggravated girlfriend."

"Point. Dawn said that Odin thanked them both."

"She was there?" Pepper asked.

"Yeah. Apparently she's a bit powerful but doesn't use it." Darcy shrugged. "She told me Mortimer was in her room hiding just in case. That and that Willow had called her mother back from being reborn to possess her. So Willow's at some version of Hogwarts on Asgard with the mages who tried to attack Dawn after the battle so they all get straightened out." She flopped down. "I think that it may have held Thanos off by a bit. A lot of the stones he wanted showed up at the battle. They all helped Dawn when she banished Hela again, after getting possessed by her former mother." She grimaced. "Which was a screwy plan thanks to Willow."

"Your brother?" Tony asked.

"As far as I know he's all right. No one's told me anything and I'd have heard if he was more than just injured. I hope. I'm pretty sure Lady Sif would've told me. She's the only one that didn't suggest I screw my little brother," she said dryly. "Even before she knew."

"That's still weird to think about," Tony said. "So...we're not sure when Thanos is coming but he's still probably coming?"

"You'd have to ask Dawn that. Or maybe the original Thor." She shrugged. "I'm just a messenger. No one told me the important parts, just the gossip."

"We can hopefully find out when your brother shows up."

Darcy looked at her phone then texted her little brother, who sent back 'sleeping'. She sent another one. He answered that one. "Xander's injured, of course, and he's hating his leg's injury the most. Apparently someone with a grody sword got him on it so he's fighting off an infection with a healer. And possibly Heimdall, not sure where he ended up either and that's a quote." Another text came in. "He is still coming. Xander had a vision late last night. He's got Hela to baby her injuries and it made him really mad."

She looked up. "But he said it'll take months for him to manage to steal the blood that the mages on Asgard took from Dawn to sacrifice her." She sent Dawn a quick text message, forwarding that on. She sent back a 'thanks' with wavy tentacles. "Dawn's warned so that means they won't have to take her out to get the heart's blood they'll need to unlock him." She looked up and sighed. "Jane's wearing a very pretty necklace. She said Dawn sicced it on her." Bruce grinned and nodded. "One of them?"

"The void holding one. It won't go in the gauntlet," Bruce said. "I asked to make sure."

"That's good. She's got normal Thor level of danger instead of worse," Clint quipped. "She's fussing at the helmet too."

"It's bothering her hair when she's got it pulled up," Darcy said. "If it's down it's a bit easier but it's also too big. We've got to get the poor lady some foam to make it fit right and quit wobbling on her head. She said the vibrations threw off her flight." She grinned at Stark. "The hammer had me taken to where Groot is." He moaned, shaking his head. "Where there's some scary powerful beings, who are probably good. And not whiny!" she said with a grin. "They're protecting things. I landed on top of the bad guy they were fighting so that helped. They even thanked me for it." She grinned. "They might show up to help. Dawn did warn them of all this stuff in case they came out up there."

"So we might be getting intergalactic help," Bruce said then grinned. "Has to be better than the battle ring." He glared at Stark, whose portal had sent him there. Tony shifted but didn't apologize. He looked at Darcy. "Not fussy at all?"

"No. I got a 'nice landing' from one, got helped up by him, and he smiled. He thanked me for the help. I told him what was going on and he groaned a bit but said they'd handle it like usual and then they'd go hide from the Nova Corps again." She shrugged. "I asked who they were and he said huge police force on one planet. And some super being they made who leads them apparently." She smiled. "Groot was cute and helpful. He caught my boot being untied and redid it for me so I hugged the little guy. He's a tiny Groot at the moment."

Bruce nodded once. "That's kinda weird. Did he shrink?"

"I think he got split off."

"Huh." Bruce nodded again. "Interesting but it's good he's still alive. Did you visit anywhere else?"

"Two other places. I talked to a World Destroyer. Who was more gruff than Steve at two in the morning after a week-long mission without sleep. He vowed if Hela or Thanos showed up there, he'd even help their enemies defeat them because he was not going to fall to a Mad Titan. And yeah, capitalized. Oh, and my first and only battle, I helped defend the dwarves." She grinned. "They're nice. Great warriors with swords and stuff. My brother looked right at home with his battle axe, but a bit too tall. Though I saw the princess's twins love on him a few times when he showed up to save us. They apparently think he's the sliced cheese of the universe. He even defeated a demon while holding one."

"Probably dangerous," Pepper said while Tony went 'Awww' about that.

"I don't think whoever sent him considered the baby," Darcy admitted. "But she was still all cooing and loving on his ID tag necklace and his dagger." She grinned.

Xander appeared, leaning down to look over his sister's head. "Dwarves are excellent warriors."

"I saw that and I agree. You looked good with them." She grinned up at him. "Should I help you baby your injuries?"

"No but you can help me do an inventory of my vault. Someone said they got into one of them and we're not sure how or who."

"I can do that. I'm super at it," she quipped, pulling him around to sit next to her. "Leg, dear?" He showed her. It was a mass of stitches. "Eww."

"It happens," he said. "Some are a few days older." He cuddled her against his side. "Dawn should be fine."

"Rosenburg of the Great Menace Society?"

"I'm sure Snape or whoever will release her some day soon," he said dryly.

"I got told that the ones who attacked Dawn took some blood. So they're guarding that."

"Huh. Yeah, might be a great idea. Though it does mean she can hide for that battle. Before I have to smite Willow for calling her mom back again." He gave his sister a squeeze then looked at the others. "Thor lives. He's a bit injured but he was walking and even cracked a joke that night. His brother and father both live too." Most of them nodded. "Half of Asgard survived. They sent off the vulnerable beforehand so they're okay. I hope. As far as I know they're okay."

"I told them about the guys with Groot when I landed on their bad guy," Darcy said, grinning up at him.

"Yeah, actual heros who aren't complaining about groupies or anything," Xander told them, nodding slightly with a grin. "No one wants to kidnap them, or to get them on their side. They're like Han Solo only a team. With a green lady who can kick Buffy's ass." He smiled. "And blue people who are pretty decent at the warrior thing too."

"If someone green shows up or a lot of blue people we'll know where they came from," Bruce said. "Though I did meet one of the blue people at the battle ring. Very strong warriors. May not have been the same sort of blue person though. Not sure how many there are out there."

"So someday soon all the paranoid assholes who think that Thor's an alien and here to gather a cult to save while he kills the rest of us are going to freak out at the fact that there's real aliens who could possible do that. Sure," Clint said with a grin for the siblings. "I want popcorn that day but to be way, way up high away from the stupid ones. They might panic and start shooting each other and miss."

Natasha snorted, nodding. "You and I can sit up on top of a building with binoculars."

"You, hell, I want to be in another country," Darcy told her with a smile. "Because there's probably that sort of alien out there too and who knows if they might show up to help. Because Thanos would be an all hands on deck thing probably, right?" The whole team nodded and Pepper winced. "So it's entirely possible we'll get some bad with some good. Oh, and demigods," she said, staring at her brother. Who just smiled. "How did you meet a Greek demigod?"

"In a bar. He flirted then hated himself for it when he realized I wasn't a warrior wench he hadn't bedded yet." He sucked in some spit with a clicking mouth noise. "Guy's not that great and he has anger issues. So does his half-brother Ares. Who, by the way, is in Italy at the moment." He grinned at the teammates. "They'll show up too I'm pretty sure."

"Like God of War?" Pepper demanded, sitting up.

"SHIELD knows about 'em," Darcy said. "I met Artemis. It's in my files and the agent that came to get her hungover butt from my bed, way too early in the morning I might add, didn't look shocked or anything about who she was."

"She's a great shot and has one hell of a tolerance," Xander said. "I was across the bar and Darcy didn't realize it. Artemis put away two shots to each of Darcy's and they did that drink special proud that night. I even paid off the tab since the guy who challenged them passed out way before they did. It only took him a pint. It took Darcy a bottle."

"College," she sighed, shaking her head but smiling. "And sometimes when the science wouldn't answer her."

He gave her a squeeze. "You'll see Jane again. You know you will and you'll get to remind her to eat too. I doubt she's figured out how to fuel a warrior's body because it's a bit different than what a scientist who sits and thinks all day needs."

Darcy nodded. "I was so hungry after that one battle."

"We can share those tips with Jane when she shows up," Stark said. "Though it'll be weird seeing her in armor instead of a sloppy shirt."

Xander's phone rang so he pulled it out to look at it. "I was right. Someone did magically summon some information from my vault but it looks like stuff I got off the poker circuit."

Steve looked at him. "Anything compromising that could hurt the team?"

"No, I think it was the stuff on some super bad ideas in the making and the one who had the addicted witch summon it for him wanted to take them out for trying to take out one of his claimed people." He answered and put his phone back into his shirt pocket. "Saves me some work so I'm okay with that but if he had asked I might've shared that part."

"Is it hard to get witches addicted to their powers?" Natasha asked.

"Actually, there's magic dealers," Xander told her. He shifted some. "Willow got addicted to the rush of the power as it moved through her but she also went to a magic dealer to get shots of black magic to supposedly clear her of hellmouth taint. Others have went to magic dealers for various reasons. There's also street drug addicts who can do magic. Not all of the drugs out there will block it. That particular witch has a meth problem.

"Admittedly hooked by her pimp, who just texted me, and then she discovered she had magic so he's babying her so she's not lost too soon since he sees her as super useful right now." Natasha grimaced and shuddered a bit. "She was in Lesotho when he found her. Poor village. Poor ideas about women's rights. She can't have kids so she wasn't going to be getting married. Her family probably got a small profit for taking that supposed burden from them but it's a horrible thing and something I'd like to help end.

"That guy, he does protect an area. He's got warriors and a few others who use magic to protect a rather large area. He's never going to touch a slayer or a witch that I've worked with. We made an agreement on that, but if he finds another addicted witch he'd take them in. It's stupidly horrible shit but at least I can count on him to jump into battles if we're having one that's so huge I need more help than I can blackmail into it."

"He's an unfortunate resource and you're still finding ways of getting people free," Darcy reminded him.

"Yeah, basically. I've even talked to the local groups down there that would help women taken in as slaves. They said they can't handle the addiction part and the women know if they want to leave all they have to do is call me and I'll show up to help as soon as I can. Two have done that and one denied it but I removed her anyway and let her detox. Then I helped her get to a safer city so she could start a new life and work on her addictions." He shifted to cross his feet. "I'm one guy and I do what I can but sometimes the horrible things are actually helpful during horrible times and then you deal with the horrible things."

Natasha nodded. "You'd have to handle the bigger problems first. Their pipeline?"

"He has a chemist he blackmailed from a college," Xander said dryly. "So he has copies of the recipes. If someone who is so high they can barely see can make it, any one of his guards or he could. I've tried but that's a problem I'm going to have to leave for later while I'm dealing with hell gods and the like."

"Slavery's bad but the rest of humanity going to a hell god as slaves or food is worse," Darcy agreed. Xander nodded, frowning at his hands. "Hey. You're *a* guy. You're doing the work of dozens of people. Quit beating yourself up for that."

"I do. I know that." He gave her a squeeze with the arm around her shoulders. "Thanks."

"Welcome." She looked at them. "There's worse out there."

Xander nodded. "I ended one that was harvesting organs from kids last month." Steve shuddered, grimacing at the end. "I do what I can when I can."

"I agree, that's all anyone could do," Tony agreed. "I know there's groups that work with former slaves."

"They have psych help, barely any medical help for injuries or pregnancies, and they're overcrowded," Xander said. "They could double in size in some areas and still be overcrowded."

"One I did some freelance writing for could help about fifty women at a time," Darcy told them. "And they probably had a huge amount they could've used the space to help. I was helping them write reports for the UN and other agencies who wanted status updates and the like for funding. One of our professors hooked us up with them, she does it every year with various charities."

Tony looked at Pepper. "Do we donate to any of them?"

"I think we do. I'm going to check into that tomorrow." She looked at Xander. "Is it a widespread problem?"

"Maybe up to ten percent of the entire continent of Africa," he admitted. "Depends on the area for how strong of a problem it is. Some are multinational, some only work in a small area. Some work with war slaves, who were taken as prizes of war or kidnaped by war bands. Some work with the kids who're taken as soldiers, some can't."

"I'll look into them tomorrow," Pepper decided.

"Look into groups like Heifer International," Darcy suggested. "They take donations to buy villages animals that not only can help with food issues but also let the villagers make some money on top of it. Things like goats so they're able to be milked but also sheered so they can be knit from. Or bees to help with crops."

"I've barely heard of them but I can look them up too," Pepper agreed, smiling at her. "You two should go rest. Xander looks like he's about to fall over."

"Yeah," he admitted, nodding some. "But that's a post-battle and post-vision crash. It's about normal. I've had battles in this state before, then I had to really sleep." Darcy stood up and pulled him up, walking him off. "Night, all."

"Night," Bruce and Tony called. They all looked at each other.

"I thought that was a thing of the past," Steve said quietly.

"We all wish," Bruce said. "Ten percent in some areas is a really lowball number." He stood up. "Let me go rest too." He went to his rooms to think. He had worked in some of the same areas Xander had. He almost missed doing that sort of work.

The others broke up to do what they needed to do for the rest of the night.

***

Darcy and Xander were out the next morning going for a cheap breakfast neither one wanted to cook when they ran into an idiot reporter. Xander rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses. Darcy just put hers on.

"What do you say that the US is being protected by a demon," she demanded, getting into their faces with her camera right over her shoulder. She pushed a microphone into their faces. "We know you've seen it."

"What demon?" Darcy asked. She looked up at Xander.

"The only one I knew was Angel, and he was a vampire who won a reward afterlife for being the champion for the Powers That Be. The higher beings over slayers." He shrugged then winced, rubbing his sore arm. He had slept on it funny and that twinge proved it. "What are you panicking people about now?" he demanded.

"You're Council," she sneered.

"Retired," Xander agreed. "So?"

"That *team* works with a demon!"

"No. Not that I've seen," Darcy said. "I've been a science intern now for a bit and I haven't seen a single demon." She looked at Xander. Who shook his head, looking confused.

"That ....Hulk," she said with a shudder.

"He's not a demon, lady," Darcy said. "And I use that term loosely with you. Actually, you should be pushing him as the anti-drug since his was caused by someone else screwing with his lab's equipment right before an experiment. That's what happens when funky chemicals get into your body." She walked around her. "Beyond that, Bruce has *great* control of himself and he's the nicest guy who ever lived. Even when you break stuff around him he doesn't do more than flinch and huff a bit." She looked back. "Quit trying to turn innocents into evils. It's not only the mark of propaganda but also the mark of a fanatic who's lost their minds."

"What she said," Xander agreed, following her. "And quit jumping out at me before I feel the need to defend myself by punching you. I'll gladly take the trial for self defense since I'm not so sure *you're* not a partial demon, woman." They walked into Darcy's coffee shop and got breakfast, sitting in the back. By the time they were finished that reporter was out there getting huffy. Darcy looked at the owner, who pointed with a grin. She gave him a tip on her way to the back door with Xander following while slurping his coffee. They went back to the tower and to her apartment to rest for a while longer. They had to figure out what Darcy was going to do now. Not like they could depend on a job here without Jane.

***

Stark ran into Darcy in the kitchen that night, staring at her. "That reporter is a rabid idiot. She's still ranting that you ran from her."

"No, we had breakfast." She grinned slightly. "We did avoid her on the way back before one of us had to punch her in the face." She looked at him before going back to her precise application of jelly. "She wanted to know how we felt about the Hulk supposedly being a demon."

"He heard and went to meditate for a few hours."

"Did they cut the statement where he's not?"

"No, it showed. Then they asked their viewers, who hadn't thought of that option, but agreed he was a great anti-drug statement. They decided most beings who changed into scary demons had horns."

"A lot do," she agreed. "But not all, and they wouldn't care if they were naked either." She put together the sandwich and grinned at him. "We can go on a public forum rant about her if you want."

"Please do. She's so stupid it made Pepper's brain hurt." He looked her over. "Have a good day off?"

"I was sorting through the stuff I had of Jane's so I could do the wash and pack most of it up. My baby bro was hefting and toting for me."

"That's good. I guess she won't be needing all her clothes and stuff."

"Probably not," she agreed. "I'll do Thor's apartment tomorrow. I've already got one box of her notes and stuff I was transcribing started."

"That's fine," he agreed. "You can do the lab the day after that. Then go take the employment test or whatever for Pepper." He walked off.

"Thanks," she called after him. She took the sandwich with her to Thor's room, looking at stuff. Jane's notes had to be boxed up first. And she did leave a note for Thor about where things were in case she got one of his t-shirts by accident. They had a lot of boxing up to do in here, more than a day's worth probably. Xander took her hand to eat a bite of the sandwich then let her have the rest. "Thanks." She finished it and they went back to boxing up Jane's stuff so it was easier on her and Thor. When she came to the notebook of stuff, it went into a special envelope then into the box of science stuff. That way they'd know if someone got into them.

***

Darcy leaned out of the lab when she heard Bruce the day she was cleaning the lab. "Hey. Where does Stark have space in a vault for her boxes of science and possibly the machines?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "He's talking with Pepper about the business. All done?"

"Mostly. I'm trying not to take some of the machines apart again. I'm not sure if we can get them back together easily without the US's supply of duct tape for a decade." She let him see. "That's four boxes of science stuff, including all her results and her laptop. There's another three in my apartment from the stuff I had and Thor's apartment."

"I would've figured her for more."

"It's all under her hair," Darcy said with a grimace. "Then she'd forget half of it because she didn't write it down. Or the napkin she had to use got wet." He smiled but patted her on the back. "I need one of those pod things for all the machines and her clothes and stuff."

"I'm not sure what sort of storage we have around here," he admitted. "Though I'd never want her research anywhere unmonitored. Someone might get into it when they stole her shirts."

"I don't think too many could fit into her shirts around here. We seem to have a run on busty assistants." She frowned then let it clear up into a grin. "I guess it makes the female scientists tougher that way."

"Probably when they have to smack around men who think they're all breast and no brains," Bruce agreed. "Let me ask Stark about that and the machines." He went to text him. Tony was more likely to answer a text than a phone call. He came back. "He said we have no room for the machines and he has no idea what most of them measure or do, so he's not sure if she can't get better when she quit being Thor."

"If she quits being Thor," Darcy reminded him. "I'm pretty sure she's not immortal thanks to the hammer."

"I didn't think about that. Are the machines something you can't remake?"

"Um, about half are Jane's cobbled together messes of measuring equipment she didn't think she could find in reality without making it." She grimaced at Tony as he came up the hallway. "Half of them aren't available."

"Damn." He came in. "Okay, explain to me what each one does and I'll figure out if we have to store it or can take it apart and reuse the parts."

"Jane made them all because she couldn't get regular ones but sure." She came over to start at the first one. "Spatial radiation meter and measures spatial pressure somehow." Tony's face got a squishy/cramped look and then he sighed. "If you tune it this way," Darcy said, turning it on to do that. "It shows how much pressure is between atoms and the like in the air plus wherever she put the other sensor, which is probably on the roof. When the Rainbow Bridge comes down, this one goes haywire because the bridge compresses atoms." She looked at him.

Tony stared at the readings then looked up. Then at her. "How did Jane come up with this?"

"She's Jane?" she guessed then shrugged but grinned. "Jane's just Jane, Stark."

"Point. Are the rest this complex and necessary?"

"Well, two are really old, shitty computers," she quipped with a point. "That I've removed all our files from and did a disc cleaning after I made sure it's all erased. They could probably be donated to a museum."

He looked and nodded. "Yes they could. Saved all the information?"

"On the drive on Jane's laptop," she said with a point. "And her backup."

"Okay, that's wise. How much other stuff does she have?"

"She and I took up all the travel coach's room outside the couches and a small walkway to the bathroom and kitchen when we moved up here and were hauling a u-haul trailer sort for the machine parts. She's got seven boxes of science stuff and the machines. The rest of her clothes and the like are in Thor's closet in boxes for now and she's got another eight in there thanks to buying new stuff when I made her. Plus boyfriend t-shirt and nightie presents."

"So seven boxes and a lot of machines." He looked around again then looked at the coffee maker. "Speaking of ancient relics."

"She adored that thing and fixed it twice instead of buying a new coffee maker. She said the newer ones burned the coffee on her."

"I can agree with that sometimes. Is that being stored?"

"Yup, I'm putting it into Thor's closet last. Or into my kitchen, one of the two."

"That's fine, Darcy." He patted her on the arm. "I'll definitely have room for the seven boxes." She pointed. "They aren't that large. The machines..."

"We need one of those POD things for moving," Darcy agreed. "Two I know you can replace. I was working on the grant paperwork for her to buy two new machines." She pointed at them. "She'd have to find a way to tinker one function she'd be losing but I think she can get that from something else. I'm pretty sure that's why one has a taped on meter off to the side."

Tony nodded. They were large machines but not the largest or the most duct-taped ones. "These are all messy."

"They work," Darcy reminded him. "We can get into them if she needs to fix something again or we have to get in there to recalibrate after an earthquake."

Bruce walked over to look at them. "Have any other of her interns worked on these?"

"She's only had me, and for a bit Ian, who was technically my intern. Erik, Dr. Selvig, helped her create some of the machines I think but I can't be sure and he's only half here because of the thing with Loki. Last I heard he was studying somewhere that him not wearing pants wasn't a problem for the natives."

"I remember him," Bruce said, walking away from one. "This one has a scorch mark. Burned?"

"Thor zapped it one night because it was reading alternate realities instead of this one. He had accidentally poured beer in it. It was reading a D&D world with elves. Jane nearly had a thunderstorm over her head when she realized why it was reading another world. She had thought we were about to open a different sort of space portal."

Tony shook his head quickly to clear the bad thoughts. "For now I'll leave this as Jane's lab so no one has to jiggle the machines. Let's put her stuff in the vault."

Darcy stared at him. "SHIELD won't have access, right?"

"No," he said, shaking his head. "We'd all hate for them to open the bridge."

"Her work is applicable to other portals," Bruce reminded him. "Like with the tentacles."

Darcy nodded. "And I'm pretty sure she'd hate them using her research as a way to remove a group of people from the earth so they don't have to deal with them."

"SHIELD wouldn't," Stark said. "They haven't yet."

"They don't have access to Jane's stuff and yes they have," Darcy said, pulling out her phone to get onto a site her brother had shown her. "Here. One of the not-quite-fully-SHIELD groups."

He skimmed it, frowning. "That's heinous." He handed the phone back. "No. No one gets into that vault without my authority and while I'd like to send HYDRA off I'd never make us enemies by making another peoples deal with them."

"Thanks. I know she'd worry."

"I'd worry too," he admitted. "Especially after having seen that." He helped her heft and tote the boxes. Bruce got the laptop bag, giving the lighter weight a look then Darcy, who grinned. Tony glanced at Bruce, who only put the bag on top of a box. "She have a note where her laptop is?"

"Yup. It's with me," Darcy quipped. "It'll be in Xander's vault later this week."

"That's sensible," Bruce agreed. "This building could get attacked again."

Tony nodded. "Buildings are fragile targets sometimes." They sealed the vault and Darcy walked off. He looked at Bruce. "Think she could handle some of our other wacky ones?"

"Probably. She already was." He shrugged. "Let Pepper find her a spot."

"I'm going to. Lewis, employment tests," he called after her.

"I did last night online, Stark."

"I'll let Pepper know," he said, texting that to her.

"I'm going to help Xander with his vault inventory tonight then I'm free tomorrow to interview or whatever else I have to take."

"Good to know." He added that to the text. She said she found them in the HR system and she was overqualified. If she had taken the last few classes for those degrees, she'd be more hireable. "Degrees?" Tony said, thinking. "Wasn't there something about those?"

"Fury blocked her from graduating," Bruce reminded him. "She's suing the remains of SHIELD over that."

"Oh, yeah." He sent that to her and she sent back a groan. Putting that with the file meant that she was too qualified to work as a lab assistant, and not qualified to work in other lab fields. They'd have to figure it out. They both looked up as an alarm went off. "What's happened!" he yelled, heading for the lab on the alert message. "People, what happened?" He got out of the way of the medical team.

"She just fell down," one of the lab people in there said.

"Is she our diabetic person?" Bruce asked over Tony's shoulder since he couldn't get around him. "Darcy said we have one."

"No," one of the others in there said. "She used to have seizures, something about a childhood head injury due to a car wreck. She's got it under medical control."

"They probably canceled her medicines," Darcy said as she came back. "She takes three drugs. She's got a medic alert bracelet she hides in her bra because she can't openly wear metal with what she does, people." One of the nurses found it and looked it up. "Did she get her meds today?" Darcy asked them. They all shrugged. "Okay, have any of you gotten out of the lab since yesterday?" A few slumped. "Go take a break so you can check on her in a few." She moved Bruce. "Let them get her out. Guys, she's seizing." The nurses moved her away from the lab stool she had fallen off when she had passed out. She gently moved Stark too. "That way you're not in the way of the gurney." They were coming up the hall. "She's mid seizure."

"That happens," one agreed. "Accidental exposure to something, a self-tester?" she guessed.

"Former seizures, bad ones," Darcy said. "She's on three meds to control it. She was in a car accident as an infant. Took them like six years to stop all the seizures with meds. She's had a few relapses when stupid humans changed the meds that were working for something new. She just got her license back last month or so."

"So it's been over a year since she had one," the head nurse agreed. Once the poor woman had stopped seizing they lifted her onto the gurney and got her out of there.

Darcy looked at the team. "Go get a coffee break, kids. Someone call her mom or whoever she lives with?" They nodded, going to do that after shutting things down. Darcy locked the lab door and grinned at the staring one. "The key's going into Stark's hand." She handed it over. "That's the master I made off Jane's."

"That's reasonable," Tony agreed. "Go coffee and check on her." He looked at Darcy. "How many other serious health issues are in the labs?"

"The diabetic intern has a bad habit of getting lost sometimes. Her lab people know though. She seriously tanked one day for not eating and she's on an insulin pump so it went off anyway. We have another lady who used to have seizures. Those two were comparing meds one day over lunch when I overheard and asked if I had to have something on hand if something happened. The other one has an emergency set of meds in her mini-fridge in an airtight container so they can't be hurt by anything. We've got two that're working on prosthetics because they need them if you didn't remember them." She considered it. "A few broken bones in the last two years, I think one's still maybe broken or just about to have the cast off. Or should be about ready for that. It's her wrist. Oh, something the prosthetics team didn't realize. The elevator locks down during emergencies and evacuations, Stark."

"Yeah, it should. It's not safe," he agreed, nodding some.

"And the four people in wheelchairs you have in the building are getting down the stairs how?"

He blinked a few times. "Well, fuck, I didn't think about that." He walked off. "Yeah, one of the prosthetics team is, huh."

"And another's on arm crutches," she agreed, smiling at Bruce. "You helped them hide during the last one."

"I remember. Our safe rooms could use upped too," he admitted, following Tony. "Have fun helping your brother do an inventory and bring us anything you think we might need to hear."

"I can talk him out of that stuff," she quipped, going to check on the others in the labs. "Hey," she said into one, grinning. "Jane's on Asgard for a bit so I may not be around to check on people. Helen just went to the infirmary for seizures. They're locked down and Stark has the key if they forget."

"Thanks, Darcy. I'll let everyone know. We noticed you cleaning the lab up. Is it open?"

"Her machines are still in there," she said. "They're huge and in the way." They nodded at that. "Sistema, can you check on the others later?"

"Yeah, I can take over that checking duty, Darcy. Are you going to be here?" Darcy shrugged. "Going to another geek?"

"Not sure yet. I meet with Pepper tomorrow." She grinned. "If not, I'll still try to check on some of you so we can have lunches and the like." They grinned. "Have a better day, people." They went back to work while she went to grab a sweater and wake her brother up. She even cleaned his leg's injuries for him when she found him doing it.

***

Maria Hill caught up to Darcy that night when she came in. "Pepper's looking for you."

"I'm due to talk to her tomorrow." She smiled at her. "I arranged for a nine am meeting earlier."

"That's fine. Is that information for the team?"

"This is mostly stuff like pictures. The stuff for the team my baby brother's bringing in a few."

"Great. I'll sit in to see if anything should get passed on." She looked over Darcy's outfit. "That sweater is nasty."

"It's just dust, Hill. The vault was dusty. Not like they break in there to dust it regularly. Really, I do laundry every few days." She got onto the elevator and pushed her button. Hill got on with her so she held in her sigh of distaste.

"Why did you protest so hard to get your iPod back?" she asked.

"Because it was the last present I got from someone," she said, staring at her. "Sometimes those things are important."

"I didn't know."

"No, Hill, you didn't care. The team that removed things didn't care. Or that it only had music on it. You treated Jane like a trained puppy who'd open a hole for you. Frankly, I kept half of SHIELD's communications from Jane and told her the important stuff in them so she got less complaints. Because half of the stuff you and your people sent over were complaints about Jane not updating her work that she didn't owe you." She stared her down.

"Jane's comment, more than once, was that you didn't pay her. She was not handing over her research to SHIELD to harm someone with it. She'd send things to a peer-reviewed journal. Then she burned the memos that said she was late turning in research notes and monthly reports. I kindly mailed the ashes back with the newest version of that memo when it came in the next day threatening punishments for not cooperating." She got off the elevator when the doors opened, going to her apartment. She walked in and found her brother there. "Took the stairs?"

"Yup. You ready to go hand over that disc?"

"They'll want the rest."

"All that's on the disc as far as I know." He grinned.

"Uh-huh. Hand over the file too," she ordered. "It could help the team avoid that problem."

"Point." He handed it over with a smirk. "Come back and we'll netflix."

"I can do that." She left, avoiding Hill's grab attempt. "Not for you, Hill." She went up to the labs, finding Pepper and Stark talking in his lab. "I have liberated a blackmail file and another one that Xander won at poker." She grinned at Pepper. "Stuff that could possibly help the team, not SHIELD."

"Did he have a lot of things like that?" Pepper asked.

"He has enough blackmail material to keep me safe after he dies. This is on a potential enemy of the team's and what he had on a few other enemies." She handed them to Stark. "The disc should run normally. Not totally sure what's on it. Only he would know and he's resting so his leg finally finishes healing again." Hill stomped in. Darcy grinned at Pepper. "He has other files that he said he won't release because it wouldn't help anyone here but it would keep me safe."

"How many weapons?" Stark asked casually, taking a bite of fries with stuff on top.

"Plenty that aren't realistic on this plane." She pulled out her new friend the sword. "Unless you think it's a great idea to take on HYDRA with a mystical blade? This one's really friendly and might like you too."

Stark stared at it, shaking his head. "It might want me to build it its own robot. No thanks."

Darcy grinned, putting it back since it shrank into her pocket. He ate another bite before he said something. She grinned at Pepper. "I almost got adopted by a war hammer too but I told it I'd have to use it outside of wars too. It wanted to not do that."

Pepper just nodded. "That's reasonable I guess. It wouldn't want to pound nails in for pictures on the wall."

"Or shoes that are falling apart," Darcy said. She shifted her weight some. She looked outside then went to open the window Stark used to fly out of, taking the two weapons there. "Hey, babies." She petted them. "Xander's upstairs," she told them. "Up three floors and to the right. Or I'll walk you up there in a few minutes." They settled in to be cuddled by her. Pepper was tipping her head so Darcy let her see the axe better. "It's a lady's axe. The other's a truncheon. Xander's got a huge list of ancient weapons he's used and trained himself to use."

"I bet," Pepper agreed. "It's handy when you're fighting on other realms and fighting demons I guess." She petted the truncheon that tipped toward her. It shivered but went back to cuddling Darcy. "Is his leg injury still bad?"

"Stitched but not infected. I helped him clean it earlier to make sure. He's got just over a hundred stitches around his leg. He said they're healing fine."

"That's great," Stark said with a nod then ate another bite to clean his plate. "Can he spar against Natasha? She's wanting to make sure she's doing it right."

"Probably." She shrugged. "Have to ask him if he's okay enough to spar. Me, I'd like to tie him to the bed to keep him safe until he finally healed."

Pepper smiled. "It's a very sisterly thing to do," she said. "I'd do the same if Tony or anyone I cared about got that injured."

Tony looked at her. "I'm allergic to handcuffs," he said dryly. He went back to the files. "Yeah, not a lot we didn't know about but some things that could point to motivations for certain actions. We can spread this to Steve and Natasha." He looked at the file, blushing. "That's really graphic but handy to know." He closed it and put it under his plate. He shook his head quickly. "I'm wondering if anyone else knows that?"

"One of Xander's dates got handed that by one of his contacts and he handed it to Xander to get it out of the way so he didn't have to consider it either," Darcy quipped, grinning at them. "As for the other blackmail files? I only saw three that have familiar names. And one that didn't have a name but was on the grunting prince guy as my brother calls him. That's more about his people, his way of life, more like a primer in case he has to go train a slayer in that country. He has a book of those so he doesn't make any cultural boo-boos. He said he started it after making a few nearly fatal ones. Apparently he nearly got burned as a witch at least once. And nearly got a second wife. But he said she was pretty. Just not his type since she wanted to hide and have babies."

"He could have kids," Pepper said.

Darcy shook her head. "He's not fertile that way, Pepper."

"Aww. That's sad but he can always adopt."

Darcy nodded. "He can. I plan on it too some year." She glanced at Hill then at Stark then at Pepper again. "We still on for nine am?"

"We are," she agreed. "I've looked over your transcripts. Did you explain to NYU about Culver's problems?"

"Yup. I handed them the official notice they had in my file. They agreed I could take classes and they'd let me know if they got the same sort of official hatemail about me. Which they did. If I could get credit for those classes, I'd already have a masters degree. I'd probably have cut back helping Jane to weekends and after hours."

Hill let out a quiet huff. "Is any of that germaine to the team's needs?" she asked Tony.

"Some might lead back to motivations. The file's a sex blackmail file on someone we run into sometimes." Hill grimaced. "Most of his files are geared towards blackmail to keep his sister safe, Hill. He wasn't gathering intelligence for the same reason." She nodded, leaving them alone. Darcy smiled and handed over a thumbdrive. "Hmm." He ran that and sat up straighter. "Where?"

"One of his poker contacts. It paid off a few cats they owed him." She smirked at him, getting a grin back. "If that's something you need, ask him about specific people. We were doing an inventory of his blackmail files. He keeps a meticulous inventory of his weapons. Even the improbable ones that're mystically powered and fire magic blasts."

Stark blinked a few times then winced. "For some reason my brain just got a cramp."

"He said it's handy but I have no idea why he knows that." Dawn appeared with a huff, Mortimer cuddling her frantically. "Huge problems in Spain?" Darcy guessed. "Should I get Xander off my couch?"

"No. Huge problems but it's a guy thing. Some bad guy who wanted me to work with him and got told about my studies by one of my professors."

Xander strolled in, axe in his hand. "So, not-Dawn." She flinched, staring at him. "And that's not Mortimer. He's bigger."

Darcy tipped her head, taking the baby kraken to hold. "He is heavier." She looked. "And this one's mechanical." Stark took it to take out the batteries.

The demon changed back, smirking at Xander. "You cannot fight me, *Knight*. You're injured."

Darcy put down the other two weapons then pulled her sword and stabbed the bitchy demon in the neck. "Yeah, there's two of us now, bitch." She smiled and waved as the demon whined on the floor. "Hi. Are you here for my baby brother? I'm a *very* overprotective big sister if ya are." She grinned again.

Xander hugged her. "She's my favorite girl type person." The demon screamed as she got up and Xander shot her in the forehead, killing her. "Bye, bitch." He waved at her with a smile. "Let me get something to come clean her up." He pulled out his phone with his free hand to text someone. Another demon appeared and sniffed the downed one then grinned at the siblings and nodded before taking her with him. "There, no more mess. Not even any blood or anything ooey."

Darcy looked then went to get the spill powder just in case. She cleaned up the area and threw the dust and floor dust into the hazmat bag. "Just in case." She grinned at the staring duo. "Poker contacts can be *very* handy."

"If Maria Hill disappears we'll go ask them first," Pepper said, blinking a few times.

"If she comes near my sister again to get her taken hostage or anything like that, I'll let you know which poker buddy I let eat her. Because she tried to contact one of *my* enemies to take out my sister. Again." He looked at her. She handed over the two mystical, pouty weapons. "Hey, they're cute!"

"They flew over to meet you."

"Awww. Pretty babies. Would you like me to use you or a slayer? I know a few slayers who'd like you both." He walked off petting and talking to them.

Darcy shrugged, grinning at them. "It's actually been three times. One of them sent me a letter so I asked Natasha to help me send a nice turn down back. See you in the morning, Pepper." She fled after her brother before Stark lost his temper. She had seen a few of those moments, she didn't want to see another one.

Pepper cleared her throat, taking a sip of her glass of wine. "She handles things extremely well."

"She does," Tony said, getting up and heading to the bathroom. "Let me....think." He went in there to throw his fit. Pepper got some extra wine to sip. She also sent a text to Natasha to get the information on what had happened with that letter.

***

Darcy leaned in the next morning. "Ready for me? I know I'm about two minutes early and your assistant's in the girl's room."

"I'm all ready for you," Pepper said, making Darcy smile as she came in to sit across from her. "I've looked over the tests, the academic record, and the work record. You're too qualified for the job you had, Darcy."

"I know." She smiled. "The benefits outweighed the feeling mentally stymied and that's why there's online classes."

"True. Most of our lab people need people with field specific degrees but we do have someone who does the ordering and gathering for the labs. Really a secretarial job. Which you're still overqualified for." She crossed her legs with a sigh. "And our present one has been with SI for over a decade."

"I met her. She doesn't do all that much with the labs beyond take problem reports or ordering supplies. She always sighed when she saw me with Jane's stuff that needed mailed out. She has this huge ol' sigh of displeasure."

"She does," Pepper agreed, smiling slightly. "No one really expects the lab people to be fussed over the way you did Jane."

"Do you blame me with the way Jane forgot to sleep and eat?"

"No," Pepper said, shaking her head. "I don't at all. Jane needed a nanny at times and someone to do the mundane things the rest."

Darcy nodded. "Some days, yeah. Then again, some days she had Thor's abs." Pepper laughed, nodding she remembered those. "You know, Thor's probably going to get to date some day soon. The curse means he can't even speak to her. I'm pretty sure his father would grant him an annulment if he wanted to move on for now."

"Maybe," Pepper agreed. She moved the virtual monitor around so Darcy could see it too. "These are the openings we presently have. One's in marketing."

"Which I took one class in and totes got a 'B' because of my boobs. The professor gave us a car company to mock up ads for and I went classic car show girl."

Pepper nodded. "I couldn't pull that off."

"I don't like to, but he expected it and it was easier to just get it over with so I didn't have to keep dealing with him. The other teacher for it was a woman who constantly flunked any woman in the class, even if she wasn't using her boobs for brain points."

"I've met a few of those." Pepper considered the openings. "I'd put you under Matilda, but she really doesn't do a lot of work."

"There's things she could be doing and doesn't. She doesn't have anything on the lab's health issues. She doesn't check the emergency procedures or runs drills. I ran one with Jane the day after we heard about them. Just in case. SHIELD wasn't the first one interested in Jane's research. She didn't want to bend it to another field or work with their fields so she ignored them until they gave in. And once we went into the desert and made them chase us for about a day. They gave up because they thought we wouldn't camp to look at Jane's stars. And, well, one of them tried to sneak over to drug us so my nicely soused butt kinda threw him into the bonfire we had going. He survived but he yelped all the way back to their car."

Pepper stared at her. "You threw him in the fire?"

"I thought you'd remark on me being drunk because it was my twenty-second birthday and I was having a miserable migraine that I could not get to sleep to cure." Darcy nodded. "It was about to interrupt Jane and Erik. I tripped him and gave him a shove when he tried to grab me. The guy deserved it. Whatever drug he was carrying went up in the fire and made Erik glare at him for it. He was already running away by then but it helped."

Pepper nodded quickly. "I can see why it would've helped and how protective that was really." She looked at the job openings again then sighed. "The only one that's the least bit geared toward dealing with people really is that marketing one."

"Or I can go do Matilda's job so she has time to handle whatever's making her look tired and sick," she offered. "I can handle that job easily. It's not taxing and if something happens with Xander I can do both at the same time if I have to." Her phone beeped and she groaned. "Sorry, I thought I had turned that off." She glanced at it to turn off her phone again. "Or not. Xander said there's an upcoming demon portal event in town in sixteen hours. He just had a vision." She sent a quick text, getting back an 'I'm fine, not too much pain this time'. She put her phone back into her pocket and looked at Pepper again. "He had my phone turned on."

"No, that's a great reason," Pepper agreed. "I know you usually put it on silent for meetings, Darcy." She sent an email upstairs. "Let me warn the team."

"Xander's message said that there's a magic user in town casting but he's hidden and he's not sure if he can find it. He's going to look for them now."

Pepper called him. "Xander, can I get a full account of your vision please?" She smiled. "Thank you, Xander. Yes, she is. That's fine. Emergencies are important. I'd expect you to interrupt her interview for that. Thank you." She hung up. "He'll bring a copy down so we can see it." Xander walked in and handed it over then hurried off. "Thanks." She glanced it over, grimacing. "Is he ever wrong?"

"Off-time a few times, mostly because someone else tried to fix the vision so they could still do it." She took it to read over, frowning. "It's not his usual style of vision. Usually he wouldn't see something this tiny." She pulled out her phone to look at something. "Oh. Oh, no. They eat kids. One of the slayers were dating the douche canoe doing the portal to get back at her for dumping him because he was an evil shit." She handed it back with a sigh. "Greatness."

Pepper grimaced. "I'd dump a sorcerer who had bad ideas for humanity too. Maybe that one Sorcerer could help?"

"This guy isn't in his class. Doctor Strange handles sorcerers who'd be college kids doing stupid stuff. This guy's like a high school idiot doing magic."

"Ah!" Pepper nodded, putting it down. "So he'd be too powerful for that problem. So he could handle the fallout but the sorcerer would just pout at him."

"Probably," Darcy agreed. "Not that I won't send him a message in a few minutes." She grinned. "Before *I* have to go help fight the portal."

"That's a great idea." She looked at the job openings again then at Darcy. "Go help Xander. We'll talk later or tomorrow. That's got to come first." Darcy nodded, going to the slayer house to warn them. Pepper took the vision upstairs, handing it to Steve. "Darcy said the guy's like a high schooler playing with magic and Doctor Strange would deal with higher guys, like college level sorcerers instead. Xander's off hunting him." Steve read it, grimacing. "Darcy also said the sorcerer wannabe used to date one of the slayers."

"I hope they all get much better boyfriends or girlfriends in the future," Steve said. "Let me warn the others in case he can't avert it." He walked off to tell the others.

Natasha came off the elevator, handing Pepper a copy of that letter she had wanted to see. "I would have warned Darcy but she seemed to be able to handle it."

"Any idea why Hill is so upset about her?"

"Not beyond jealousy that she's got trust that Hill will never have." She shrugged. "Who knows sometimes." She went to get dressed for a later battle. Better to have to change later than to have to run and change before a battle and being late to it. She ran into Clint. "Xander had a vision."

He turned around and went to find his battle uniform. "How bad?"

"Biting things coming from a portal. Called by a sorcerer one of the slayers used to date."

"They *so* need better taste," he muttered as he walked off. He needed the jacket today instead of the vest without sleeves apparently.

***

Darcy came limping in that night with Xander leaning on her shoulder. "Hey," she said, smiling a the guards staring at them. "The portal's down."

"We saw it on the news." They let Darcy sign herself and her brother in. "Medical's mostly open."

"It's all home treating stuff, guys. But thanks," Xander said. He pushed the button for the elevator. He was closer and Darcy couldn't move that arm without dislodging him. They came off the elevator on Darcy's floor, him glaring at Hill waiting on them. "Gee, Sis, look. It's the lady who sold you to the bad guy." Hill flinched back. "Yeah. He told us, Hill. Most of our injuries are from getting away from him. Gee, thanks. I'll remember you the next time I send up happy wishes." They walked off together.

Hill cleared her throat. "We were baiting...." she started.

Darcy spun to glare at her, letting Xander lean on a wall. "Did you tell *me* this?" she demanded. "Because I knew not a *DAMN* thing about that, Hill. Not a single, goddess damned thing. So therefore I had to help get myself free of a kidnaping during a battle. I think you need to forget I ever fucking existed and leave me far, far alone before I start to repay that favor. Because if I can't, Xander sure as fuck can and I'm more than *happy* to bum some of his contacts for that.

"Now, get on your broom and scoot, witch." She pointed. "This is the residential floor and you don't live here. That means you're lurking like a ghoul." Hill stomped off. Darcy hummed and calmed herself down. She looked at her brother. "I need to do the shielding meditations."

"Yeah. It helped when you had the magical explosion during the battle but it could help more now to keep your temper. Then again, I might break out in magic due to that cunt." He leaned on her again, limping off with her help. "If not, maybe I'll find a real paying job and you can come camp with me. I could use someone who reminds me to do normal people things."

"It'll be like old times only you don't science." Pepper came up the hall grimacing. "If it's about Hill and her selling me to one of the bad guys that showed up during the battle today, I don't wanna hear how I got out of it, Pepper," she warned. "I'm so pissed I broke out in magic earlier and I'm about to curse the cunt again!"

"No, nothing about that. We were wondering what happened. Tony said he turned around at your shriek and found you gone."

Xander snorted, shaking his head. "Nope. Major bad guy." He winced as his sister dug out his phone so he could pull up the picture to show Pepper. "Him."

She looked at it then at Xander. "What does he do?"

"He sells organs and people and other various icky things." He took the phone back. "Well, he used to when he was alive."

"My slip only made him a toad and I stomped on him," Darcy admitted. "Sorry, Pepper, but we need to calm down and I have to clean his injuries."

"We have a medical team," she reminded them.

Xander shook his head. "No thanks. I can treat them easily enough. Thanks though." He let Darcy open her door. Or try to. Her handprint didn't work. Pepper got it open and let them in. Her stuff was still there. Pepper glanced inside to make sure then went to talk to someone. Xander and Darcy shared a look then he flopped down with her first aid kit to treat the new injuries he had gotten from the biting things and from the minions trying to keep him from getting to his very angry sister. Darcy only had a few injuries from trying to get free before her magic explosion. Someone knocked and stomped in before they could tell them no. "Hey, Stark." He went back to cleaning a bite to his knee.

Tony stared at him. "Our medical team won't take any blood samples," he told him. "Or anything else."

Xander looked up at him. "If certain people hear I willingly went to a doctor, they'll freak the fuck out and think I'm dying of something," he said quietly. "Some of the slayers and I are still pretty close. I'd hate to have to answer if I had cancer or something. I can home treat. I've been doing it since I was a little kid."

Tony stared at him. "I understand why. I've seen others who have worse backgrounds than you have." Xander nodded, grimacing as he cleaned it. "So I'm going to force you to go get treated before you leave more blood drops somewhere in the tower."

"I have a magical shield up to gather any dripping blood so I can't leave any," Xander admitted.

"That's sweet. Does it reinsert it?" Tony asked.

"No. I couldn't figure out how to do that. Unfortunately. It would've been easier. Though I have had a few docs who got into the collected samples and hitched a pump to it to stick it back into my IV." He frowned and cleaned another one. "I'm fine. Nothing's too huge. A few of my old stitches tore. A few bites. Some bruising and things thanks to the minions I had to go through." He looked up at Darcy's huff. "You need to be more centered to meditate on the shielding stuff, Darce."

"I know!"

Xander winced. "She's really mad she turned that guy who kidnaped her thanks to Hill into a toad and killed it."

Tony paused then shuddered. "Damn." He went to get her. "C'mon. I'm forcing you and your brother to the infirmary. That way no one can say anything. You can have a nerve pill. He can have some painkillers. You can calm down enough that you can give a report on who that person was and why he wanted you."

"Hill," she said bluntly. "He told me Maria told him who I was and thought we might be good together." Tony shuddered. "I'm about to become the wicked bitch of the east coast, Tony. I really need to meditate to make sure I don't accidentally magic anyone else."

"A valium would help," Tony said, gently taking her arm to steer her off. "Guys, come get Harris to treat the bites and stuff." Infirmary nurses came in to help get Xander. "He's got some sort of shield to collect any spilled blood. Just in case."

"That's fine. We can force him to get regular medical treatment and no one will worry," the head nurse said, staring at Xander. "We've already gotten a call by a young slayer worrying that you'd have to come see us of your own free will."

"Yeah, they think I'm nearly dying. The last time I did, I had malaria."

"Well, it's more than time." They walked him off and Stark brought Darcy.

"Hey," Darcy said, fighting. "My phone. And I need to reset the lock on my door since my handprint didn't work."

Tony grabbed the phone off the kitchen counter to hand over. "I'll reset it for you later, Lewis." He got her down to the infirmary and went to talk to the others. "Harris is in the infirmary with multiple sources of injuries. Lewis is meditating to tamp down her magic again."

"Why would I need to go search her stuff later?" Steve asked, sipping some water.

"Because apparently Hill gave her to the bad guy that she had to turn into a toad and kill to get free of." He flopped down. "The bad guy told her Maria had told him about her." Steve winced. "And according to some files we've found, it wasn't the first. Hill has some sort of jealousy or something about Lewis and frankly I'm about to keep Lewis and boot Hill off the tower for causing the problems."

"We sure?" Natasha asked casually. "I've seen the last events. They did not divulge who introduced Darcy to them."

"According to Darcy, it wasn't her and she's pretty sure Hill did it all three times. Now four times."

"Shit," Clint said. "The one earlier was into slaves and organs."

"That's what Harris said." Tony wiped his face off. "Does anyone have any clue why?"

"I heard Lewis say no one told her she was bait," Clint said, shifting to lean back with a wince. "She's really mad. We're lucky we haven't seen a second toad."

"I think if Hill bothers her again, she will be," Pepper said as she walked up to them with more cold water bottles, handing them out. "What happened? I talked to Darcy and Xander in the hallway. He had that going into a battle look."

"Me, if I were him, I'd ask a poker debt to eat it," Clint admitted. "Very clean, you can deny responsibility." He shrugged a bit then opened his new water to take a sip, looking at Natasha.

"I have let various bad elements have an inconvenient bad problem," she admitted. "Never a civilian. If there was a civilian being a problem I tend to inconvenience them with a broken leg or the like."

"Which got a few people fired," Clint reminded her. "And ruined their lives too. All for living in the apartment you needed to use." She glared at him. "Which was authorized by Hill and Fury."

"She suggested it," Natasha agreed. "Said the director had suggested it. We did help her get a new job." Clint shook his head. "Are you certain?"

"Yeah. She's suing you." He grinned at her. "Hill's hiding it. It was in the paper yesterday in the announcements they put in the classifieds."

She frowned, grabbing a tablet from the coffee table to look that up. "I am being sued. Twice." She went to look it over. "They're trying to make it a class action suit against SHIELD." She put the tablet down, shaking her head.

"Those records went onto the internet too," Bruce said as he joined them. "Two of the car chasing lawyers have tv commercials asking if you found your name in the SHIELD records because they had impacted your life, ruined your job, something like that." He flopped down, taking a spare bottle of water to drink. "I had to send a cease and desist letter to one of the law firms to quit using a picture of me in Harlem in their ads." He took a drink.

"Lewis is already suing them because of her academic records," Stark said. "If she can prove it, she has a few more against SHIELD too probably."

Clint nodded quickly. "Yeah. And I'm pretty sure Xander has at least one lover who watched those files show up and looked up his big sister in them because one of them sent me a letter. He's offering her a better lawyer and a copy of those files."

Pepper shook her head. "She's got a copy I think. I can ask. We're going to go back to our interview tomorrow."

Xander came off the elevator limping. "Bradley gave her a copy when he heard she was my sister." He looked at Pepper and Stark. "He had the full, unlocked version. Some hackers went after Natasha's uploading to make sure they got full copies. Rising Tide had a full copy. Bradley's agency got a full copy to look through because their director, and his section head, hates Fury with every cell of their bodies." He grinned at Natasha. "You've got three now, princess. The little sister of one of my dates is suing you in the EU courts as well as the two in the US." She winced. "Because you killed her daughter and she nearly died twice. And if he finds you, he's going to kill you for it. Just flat out shooting you on the street kill you for it. He warned me if I was near you and him at the same time to duck. He'd hate to lose me but oh fucking well as he put it. Then he spit out his cig."

"Hilar," she said.

"No. Hilar has a contract out on you and it's in a safe deposit box since he died. His second will hand over the keys to it upon notice of your death. And your partner's death but his price is only four mil. Yours is fifteen." She winced. "Hilar is a huge pussycat compared to Bruno."

She sat up, staring at him. "That accident was not my fault."

"It was your fault. You crashed the car that hit them," Xander corrected, staring at her. "Killed his niece and only heir. She was the last in the family. Their family's been a backbone of the lower classes for *generations* and now that'll end. And create a power struggle. Because when Bruno goes, there's three or four guys who want his job and will fight over it. Will parts of Europe survive that?"

She shook her head with a sigh. "Not intact," she admitted. "I did not mean for his sister or his niece to get injured. Many were protecting that child."

"Then you killed a driver that made him slam into a car. A parked car. Which flipped the car into a drainage ditch and the kid drowned. Mom nearly died twice before she healed. Uncle's *livid*. He's sterile from testicular cancer. His sister was rendered infertile in the accident when the steering column went into her abdomen. We're all hiding when Bruno dies. Even me. I'll go hide on another realm to get away from that fight for the job."

"There's a distant cousin," Clint said.

"Not in the life, illegitimate," Xander reminded him. "Bruno knows. He talked to him way back when he said when I noted that." He looked at him. "There's another niece from the same crossing and she wants nothing to do with him and threatened to have him arrested if he talked to her ever again. She's a bit uptight."

Clint winced. "That's going to be a mess," he agreed. "Invite me to that place you're hiding?"

"Maybe."

"Please," Clint said.

"Can we make her one without that?" Stark asked. "Have the sister use a surrogate?"

"No eggs," Xander said. "Or I would've suggested it. Or even suggested Darcy have it for her."

"Hey!" Darcy said from his phone.

Xander grinned at it. "You like Bruno and his sister."

"Yeah, they were really nice," the phone agreed. "I don't think I'm ready to surrogate yet. I might not be able to give back the baby."

"I get that," Xander agreed. He looked at Natasha again. "Also, this is fair warning because Joshua asked me earlier if I was okay. He was in town and couldn't get to the battle to help."

She shuddered. "I will protect myself from him as well, Xander. Thank you for the warning."

"Good luck." She nodded so he looked at Stark. "Thank you for letting your people do my stitches, Stark. Can I get into Darcy's apartment so I can rest?"

"Sure, kid." He grabbed the tablet Natasha had used, getting into the tower's defenses to update the lock on her apartment. "Yours and hers both work now." He looked up. "We'll order dinner later if you two wanted to put in."

"We'll see. I'm running thin on money. Unfortunately I don't get paid for all this." He limped off. "Not that Giles paid me most of the time before then though."

"That whole group is one battle away from fighting each other," Bruce said. He rubbed his eyes. "How bad will this Bruno dying be?"

"The few people who want his position will try to take out each other," Clint said. "Two are explosives experts who moved up. Another's an assassin. Bruno himself is the guy you go to when you need to hire mercenaries for something other than a war in some out-of-the-way area. He's got heirs picked out. They've already killed three of them. The one that's surviving is partially paralyzed and blew the fuck out of the rest that did it to them from his ICU bed. They blew up a lingerie store to get him. He had been buying a mistress present. His wife and mistress met over his bed and got into a hair yanking fight but his begging them to stop it before he died made them get along so they could torture him. Now they're his seconds-in-command." He grinned. "He's still boinking both of them. Bruno sends great new baby presents apparently."

"Last time it was two gold bars to set up the new daughter's future wedding fund," Natasha agreed. "The boys get artwork or money depending on which woman is the mother."

Stark shook his head quickly. "I think I've heard of him."

"You have," Pepper agreed. "He was on your list of 'don't deal with'." Tony nodded at that. "Will we have to worry?"

"No. You don't sell weapons any longer," Natasha said.

"Good!" Tony said.

Steve shook his head. "How does Xander know those sort?"

"Bruno probably wanted to find out what was so special so invited him to dinner. Xander probably charmed him so they had breakfast too," Clint said. "His file says that they spent a weekend, interrupted by one of Xander's usual ex's having a crisis with his wife, and Bruno thought he was a great contact to have. He's gotten Xander to teach some of his people about how to handle a demon problem like the ones he taught in Africa."

Natasha smiled slightly. "That ex found his wife cheating so they got into a fight and he blurted out what he really did for a career. She went on a fit and threw things at him. He loved her too much to take her out so they got a quiet divorce thanks to Bruno intervening. She got a nice settlement to go find a happier life as long as she never talks about it."

"He sounds like that movie the Godfather," Steve said.

"Not exactly but he's the guy that knows a lot of people who can handle things," Clint explained, shifting to look at him better. "He'd know all the Godfathers over there and probably have their private cell numbers because they've needed his services for guards and the like. If someone over there does something important that he can use, he finds out about them and what sort of hold they might need to do something important. His blackmail files? They're in a Swiss vault. There's agencies who'd adore seeing them and will drool."

"But it might tank a bit of the financial sector and a few other multinational companies," Natasha added. "Plus a few armies."

"Possibly a government or two of small countries," Clint added.

"So, there's going to be a quiet war someone will blame on some sort of terrorist group," Pepper decided. "I'm wondering if he looked at all the scientific methods."

"He's not going to do anything that the Church would consider unholy," Natasha told her. "Unfortunately. A few people told him how he could do a child with some DNA working. He considered it foul science."

"At one time he had a wife that went IVF," Clint told them. "And he was okay with that. Unfortunately the clinic switched their embryos with someone else's. He knew that baby wasn't him when it came out really dark skinned. Considering he's a really pale white guy and so was his wife. The clinic never turned up theirs. The wife went on a depressing fit and gave the baby to the original couple before killing herself. Bruno has only had playmates since then."

"Really, if a child should appear now, it might be in more danger," Natasha said. "The same as if Xander had one, it might be in great danger." An alarm went off and they all started to get up but it stopped suddenly. Xander came out with a bad guy in his hand. The bad guy got dropped in front of Natasha and he limped off with a growl. "Is your sister all right?" she called after him.

"Probably. Though he did hire the slinky assassins guild to get her that once. Pity for him if you don't deal with him for me."

"I can do that," she decided. She stared at the guy on the floor, who was curled up around his midsection whimpering. He was going to crap himself soon if he didn't calm down his fear. She got up and walked him off before she had to clean up his mess on the floor. Some lower level SHIELD agent showed up to gather him but she denied him and made him huff off. Melinda May showed up and Natasha just stared at her until she backed off slowly and carefully then told Coulson. Natasha stared at her. "I do not know why female SHIELD agents are jealous over a young woman who chose a mothering role instead of an action-centered one or an agent one," she told her counterpart. "It is pathetic however. I'm glad I never fell into that trap. It's a pity that it will bring down the rest of SHIELD very soon." Melinda stomped off in a huff.

Darcy came in, bringing Natasha some coffee and a pastry from the break room in the labs. "Snack?" she offered. Natasha smiled at her. She glared at the guy on the floor that dared to touch her. "Do it again," she offered. "Really." She pulled out her extra friendly sword. The man flinched back, shaking his head. "You sure you know I'm not a threat to you unless you make me be one? And if you ever go near my little brother again to pollute him I'm going to be on your ass like white on rice, dude." The guy shrank back further. "Good. You have some limited sense." She smiled at Natasha, putting the sword back. "Coulson was talking to Hill earlier," she said quietly. "He was not aware SHIELD was being sued outside of mine and Hill has tried to have it dismissed twice now. The judge told her to grow the fuck up." She walked off.

Natasha sipped her coffee, smiling at the mug. "She does make exceptional coffee." The man tried to move so she kicked him. He quit moving for a bit since she had gotten his forehead.

Xander leaned in with a grin. "There's some online people who think you're an Amazon like Wonder Woman. Crossing their universes but they think you'd make a great amazon. Not sure if you'll be pleased to hear that or not."

"I am quite the warrior but I'm not as anti-man as most amazons were said to be," she admitted. He grinned. "Do you know many more like him?"

"I know his whole group, Natasha." He smirked. "And his brother's group and his sister's group, who are generally better than either of the boys' groups of idiots. Why do you ask?"

"May I see those files?"

"No. They're blackmail files. You can ask me questions if you want, and I can make it a nice dinner out so I don't have to cook and Darcy can calm down again."

"I may do that. You'd have to put on something not dirty or a t-shirt however."

"I own a few other shirts. Dress shirts just really didn't do much for me in Africa." He shrugged and limped off. He smirked at the guy getting off the elevator. "Hey, Zombie Master."

"Harris," he said with a nod. "Was he a former date? The files weren't sure."

"I'd never touch that bundle of pathetic unless I was desperate. Like when I slept with his brother because I just really needed a cuddle after a battle. At least their sister is better at all that they think they can do. Not good but better." He got onto the elevator and went up to his sister's apartment to clean up again. He felt sweaty after throwing another threat off the balcony to a lower one to make sure he left his sister alone.

The tower's PA went off. "Harris, just have them arrested please. The NYPD has stated they do not want to clean up someone who fell from one of our outdoor spaces," Stark's voice said. "We'd love to arrest them so our agents in residence have something to do tonight." The PA cut off.

Natasha looked up and smiled then at Coulson. "Yes, I could use something interesting tonight."

"He clearly wasn't," Coulson agreed, looking at the man on the floor. "What happened?"

"Hill gave Darcy to a people and organ seller earlier."

Coulson winced. "Is she all right?"

"She got rescued and managed most of it herself since we were in a battle."

"I caught the battle earlier. Are you two all right?"

"Mostly," she agreed. "Lewis found magic earlier."

He winced but nodded. She finished her coffee, putting the cup aside. "At least she managed to get free. That's what's important until we can stop the problem."

"May wanted to do something similar with this one."

"The new director would hate that. He said he wanted to stop the old line's problems and then signed a statement saying he was not going to overrule any older rulings." He handed a copy to Natasha. She could hand it to Darcy Lewis herself. That way he wasn't in trouble for it. He stared at the man on the ground. "We can arrest him."

"Please do. And keep him."

"Gladly. The HYDRA goons can make fun of him." He hauled him up and out. "Be safe, Natasha."

"You as well, Coulson." She walked off nibbling on the pastry, going up to her suite to relax for a while.

***
Part 9 by Voracity2
Darcy knocked on the Sorcerer's door, sighing when he opened it to stare at her. "How do I put the tiny bit of magic I have back into my head?"

"That may not be possible," he said, letting her in. "I expected you yesterday."

"I was job hunting yesterday since no one seems to be able to find somewhere for me." She sat down, staring at him. "I know I lost it to save myself."

He hummed and nodded. "I saw on the replay of the battle. Are you well?"

"Mad." She looked at him. "Mad at myself mostly."

He patted her on the shoulder. "It's a natural reaction but not one you should dwell on. You should be proud that you managed to get free."

"The reason he had me is a stupid cunt who used to be an agent."

He blinked a few times. "Strong language. Tea?" he suggested, holding up his tea cup.

"Please. Sugar if you have it?"

"One lump?"

"That's great. Thank you." She took the cup to sip and moaned. "Better than what I got in the shops in London." He smiled and sat across from her. "It wasn't the first time she had pulled that dirty trick. She's also suggested I don't know how to appropriately dress myself to my potential employer."

"Why is she jealous of you?"

"I don't know. It's been going on since I blocked Jane from her."

"Hmm. Could that be the root of it?"

She nodded, taking another drink and putting her cup on her knee. "I think so. SHIELD tried to take over on Jane many times after they found out about her. She resisted it and I helped her resist it but Maria Hill is still acting like a toddler."

"Aren't you suing her?"

"She's locking my academic record so I can't graduate with either degree I've worked toward. They locked my second one that should be my masters long after that initial problem that got their attention."

"Your brother?"

"Thor showing up." She finished the tea and relaxed. "That's a really nice blend. Thank you."

"It's a chamomile blend to promote relaxation."

She grinned. "I could use it. I can't get down far enough to meditate so I can do the shielding exercises. I don't want to become the next great evil."

"I believe that will be Dawn," he admitted. "Because they've recently tried something near her."

Darcy snapped her fingers. "We had a not-Dawn that was a demon. She had a mechanical baby Mortimer."

He grimaced. "Very weird." She nodded but smiled. "So very weird. Did the demon get solved?"

"Yeah. One of Xander's poker buddies ate it after he killed it."

"Good!" Her sword came out and patted her lap. He smiled. "I've seen that sort of move. It thinks you're ignoring it. My cape does the same thing at times."

She grinned at him. "So did the hammer. Every now and then she'd get bored and fly at Thor's head so she could make him go for a fly with her."

"It seems all mystical artifacts have a bit of weirdness to them." She grinned then yawned. "You should rest."

"I probably should but I have huge nightmares now. We correlated back to an attempt to kidnap me from Jane's side in London that wasn't from Asgard." She yawned again. He waved a hand, knocking her out and floating her onto a couch.

Xander came out of the back area. "Thank you," he said quietly.

"She could use the healing. I can guard her while she finally rests and help her get it back into control. What of Dawn?"

"She's had to leave Spain due to SHIELD's problems. She's set up a mystical artifact resort. Mortimer really loves to pet them with her. She's going to finish her studies by distance."

"It's something that could be of use depending on her security measures."

"Even better than the demon banks I use." He grinned. "I have a vault there already with the stuff I had stored in a few less safe areas."

"Excellent. May I have an inventory list?"

"Nope." He smirked a tiny bit. "Because some of it is really mythical and dangerous if it's known about."

"What about our upcoming battles?"

"I have a god eating demon trapped in a genie lamp."

Strange blinked a few times, shaking his head slowly. "Djinn are myths."

"Bull shit," Xander said dryly. "And they're dangerous. With his roomie.... Super dangerous. When Thanos shows up? It's coming to me for the battle."

"I'll make sure I'm out of the way."

"Pull Dawn with you."

"Gladly. I'd miss the vexing issues and her kraken." Xander grinned. "I have heard the speculation. She's not my type."

"That's between you two. Dawn's a big girl who can pounce someone if she wants to."

"True, she can. Though Mortimer would have to stay out of the bedroom." Xander giggled, nodding as he got up and left. He relaxed, watching over Darcy as she slept. Her magic was slowly pulling back in to protect her again so that was helpful.

***

Jane landed late that night, smiling as she walked in off the porch. Tony came up to greet her, shaking her hand. "Tony."

"Jane. How's Thoring?"

"Not too bad. Sometimes it's really interesting. A lot of complaining about me being a woman though." She shrugged, looking around. "I know it's late."

"You still have your apartment with Thor and he's still on Asgard. Or you could nap on Darcy's couch."

"Oh, good, you kept her." She sighed and smiled. "I was worried about where she'd end up. I've monopolized her time for so long I wasn't sure she could do a regular job."

"We're still figuring that out but she's the one that packed all your stuff up for you. The machines are still in your old lab. The notes and stuff are locked in a vault. I'm pretty sure she hid your laptop on you."

"That's fine. I have a few new notebooks to add into them from stuff I saw as I flew through the stars thanks to the hammer." It wiggled in her hand. "Yes, I'm still going to science now and then," she told it. It zapped her. She huffed and put it down, her armor fading back into regular clothes. She smiled at Tony. "It's a bit fussy."

"I figured with the way it used to use Thor to go for a fly when he was bored." He smiled. "Let's get you somewhere to rest. Lewis said all your clothes are in Thor's closet anyway."

"I can dig into it. Thanks, Tony."

"Not a problem." He walked her back to that apartment, letting her dig in to get clean clothes so she could shower and change. When she came out he was waiting. "Any news on the upcoming battle?"

"Six weeks."

He nodded. "Okay, we'll talk in the morning. You rest. I'll leave a message for Darcy."

"Thanks." She climbed into the extra large bed while he went to leave messages for everyone saying she was back and the battle was in six weeks.

***

Darcy stumbled out the next morning and found the hammer in her way. "Morning, Mew Mew. Is Jane all right?" It wiggled. "That's good. Need anything before I start coffee for others?" It wiggled again. She picked it up to put onto the couch, making it happier. "Good hammer. You rest. I know you were just busy." She went into the kitchen to start coffee for everyone.

Natasha walked out. "Are you making food?"

"Just coffee. I know it's going to be needed." She poured a second cup and walked off. "Jane's back."

"I saw Stark's message." She watched the bouncy young one go then went to start her first cup of coffee. Clint walked in and grunted at her. "Jane's back." He paused in pouring coffee to stare at her. "The message Stark left me said six weeks."

He grunted again and finished pouring his coffee. "Lewis made it," he said after his first gulp. He walked off, patting the hammer on the handle. "Morning, Hammer." It shifted then fell on its side. Clint would swear he could hear a huff from it. "I can't help put you up unless you're willing to let me move you?" He tried, but only budged it. Darcy came out and sighed, picking it up and putting it onto a table with a pillow underneath it. Then she went to make more coffee, pouring herself some. Jane stumbled out and glared at the hammer on her way to the kitchen. "Morning, Jane," Clint quipped with a grin.

"Morning," she grunted. "Better way to wake up than a hammer poking you on the side." She took her second cup of coffee with a moan. "Thanks, Darcy."

"You're welcome." She smiled at Natasha. "I refilled the water pitcher after I put it into the pot."

"Then you're doing better than most of the others," she said. "Only Steve usually remembers that. Sometimes Bucky." She took another sip of her coffee. "How was traveling, Jane?"

She looked up. "Tiring. A lot of tiring. Now I know why Thor had such good arm muscles, he needed it to hold onto the hammer while in flight." She sat down and put her feet up next to her hammer. "Morning, Mjolnir." It wiggled. "Sure, you rest there. I know you're tired. We've hit three realms and two planets in the last week." She held up her cup so Darcy could refill it, then went back to gulping. Darcy waited and poured her a final cup before taking the pot back to the kitchen. Jane relaxed, smiling at Bruce as he stumbled past. "Morning, Bruce." He grunted and waved. Then paused and stared at her. She smiled. "Morning."

"You're back?"

"For a bit." She shrugged. "You'll need me for a bit."

"That's good. We can talk later, when I'm able to better understand verbal communication." He went into the kitchen, staring at Darcy making more coffee. "Out at home?"

"Making it for everyone, Bruce." She handed him a warmed mug and pointed at the hot water that had just gotten put onto the stove. "About another minute before it boils. I already warmed the cup with tap water."

"Thanks." He picked the tea he wanted and put it into the tea ball, then poured water as the kettle just started to boil. He walked off to talk to Jane again. Darcy brought out food and gave him and Jane a pointed look before putting it between them on the table beside the hammer and Jane's feet. Then she walked off.

"Darcy, my notes?" Jane called.

"The safe, and all boxed up, even the stuff from your suite. Your laptop is in Xander's safe." She grinned back at her. "Because almost no one can get in there and most of them wouldn't understand it anyway." She went back to her apartment to check on Xander and his injuries. Of course, they were looking gross. So she got some alcohol and some cotton balls and went to work, which woke him up but he groaned and took over. "I can help." She swatted him until he let her help.

"Sure, you can help." He went to shower once his injuries were retreated and mentally rolled his eyes. His sister was so fussy sometimes. Xander wasn't even that fussy over Dawn. Clearly some things were genetic on the female 'X' chromosome in this family. That's why she got double what he had.

***

Xander wandered out once he was redressed in his birthday present from Darcy - clean, new clothes that fit. He nodded at everyone. "Any new news?" he asked Jane, staring down at her since she was kicked back on the couch.

"Six weeks," she said with a hum at the end.

He grimaced. "That's going to suck. Buffy's got to go to a wedding that week. She's going to be so pissed at her nails getting ruined." Clint burst out laughing. "Seriously. Have we told anyone else who might have to show up?" he asked her. She shook her head. "Okay, I can start that calling chain. Thanks, Jane." He went to the kitchen to get a piece of toast and walked off. "Darcy's out of bread," he said when Pepper gave him an odd look.

"We don't mind if you two eat out of the communal kitchen, Xander. You both do enough heroic stuff to have earned that right." He grinned but went back to Darcy's apartment because he didn't have his phone. She went to look at Tony. "Did you have any luck?" she asked quietly.

"Not a bit." He stared up at her then at the others. "Guys, Lewis is too qualified to be a lab geek's assistant." Bruce sighed but nodded. "And without her degrees, she's got a hope in hell of finding something decent."

"Unless she wants to go work at a private or a religious school," Pepper added, sitting on the arm of Tony's chair. "They don't have to have teaching certificates."

Darcy wandered out. "Arizona's trying to make that state wide and I'd hate to teach," she said dryly. "But thanks." She grinned at Pepper. "Twitter is furious over something Stark has done. Considering the tag is IdiotStark..." He groaned, pulling out his phone to look at it. "I checked, it wasn't the Game of Thrones Starks this time."

Pepper looked at the feed over Tony's arm and groaned, swatting him. "Gossip. Wonderful gossip. Thanks for the warning."

Darcy held up her phone so Clint could see the earlier feed she had screencapped. He took her phone to get onto that link and groaned. "I didn't even look, Hawkass."

"Yeah, probably a good idea. They have me sleeping with my protege." He handed the phone back with a huff. "She's going to destroy them."

"Katie Kate's got a hangover the size of China according to her morning announcement. She said she's not getting out of bed, the city had better save itself, and if the ungrateful douchebag she was drinking to forget existed bothers her again she's going to borrow an explosive arrow to blow what little brainstem he has left out." He arched an eyebrow up so she got into Kate Bishop's facebook page to show him. "Too long for twitter."

He read the hangover rant, then the next entry from the night before, which explained the hangover. He blinked a few times. "I wonder which idiot that was."

Darcy grinned. "Xander said his name was George and we need to find the Abominable to cuddle and squeeze and hold him so tightly he can not get away."

"I don't think even the Abominable Snowman would take that idiot as a pet."

"Apparently he knows something we don't because he sent someone a message to come collect his idiot toy." Clint winced. "Not sure why or who, but amusing probably later when he tries to get free."

"She might really like to watch that," he agreed dryly, smirking at her. "Any other cheery news?"

"Some guy's claiming he got the Hulk serum to work." Bruce choked. "No proof. He's refusing to test it, but he got the formula exact and rebuilt everything so someone could do it to themselves if they really wanted to. He said he knew some people jonesed to be a superhero and this would let them. He thinks he's got a way to mimic the armor too but he said he needs a better power supply."

"Is that the guy in Geneva?" Jane asked.

"Yeah but he moved to Delaware for funding," Darcy said with a grin. "Which he got from Fury's band of merry idiots with test tubes."

"Has someone taken him up on it?" Bruce demanded, sitting up.

"Not that he's admitted to," Darcy said.

"Can you pull that up for us?" Tony asked.

"I need Jane's password to her journal site." Jane took Darcy's phone to get into it and let them see it when she found it was the headline of the day.

"Mother Fucker!" Tony muttered, losing all his happy mood. Bruce was growling. Darcy sat next to Bruce to work on his shoulders. "He stated in his journal article that he figured it out by accident one day working on his grant to figure out the differences in the various super soldier serum floating around," he told them all. "Bruce's, Steve's, and Bucky/Natasha's versions. He tried to have it classified but the people above him refused and told him to offer it to others who might want the procedure done. I'm guessing conscription right after it works. He said they made him test it on three people. Two only had some subtle changes but the other one changed almost all the way. The article is about the genetic twitch that must activate when the serum and radiation is given. That's why it won't work on everyone." He looked at Bruce. "And he's right."

"Damn it," Bruce complained. "Darcy, I'll be fine."

"Okay, just trying to help you keep calm, Bruce." She got up to look at him. "The same guy put out some theories that the slayers had to have some similar genetic pattern because even if they were poked and got the download it might not stick. Xander said he was probably right but no one they trusted and knew had the skill to figure that out."

"They don't have major genetic patterns in common but it could be something tiny," Tony said.

"Like the ATA gene off Stargate?" Darcy guessed.

Tony frowned but nodded. "Basically, yes. I have no idea which one it'd be on. Genetics isn't my field. Brucie?"

"A few places it might be but the ones you were testing didn't have more than human-common genetic patterns. Then again we can't find the genes that would point to a possible ability toward magic or visions."

"So one kind may have ATA, one may have GCG, one may have a combo," Darcy guessed. Bruce nodded. "If you let me know I'll help you type it up, Bruce. That way I can slip Xander a copy in advance so he can warn people. Though it would get the NID off the girls."

He grimaced. "We'd all like the NID to get away from the slayers. Handing them what they wanted to know would work for that. Why tell Xander?"

"Because there's girls in a lot of other countries, some less liberal than this one," she said dryly. "A few that might mean that they quit trying to put them to death. Or they'd go on a newborn testing rampage to make sure no one had the possible markers."

He nodded. "I can see both outcomes. It probably wouldn't help in somewhere like Saudi Arabia though."

"If we can prove to their courts that it's a genetic twitch that allows the calling and that the higher ups are trying to use it to protect their people for their God, then it might go somewhat. At least they'd just shun them instead of trying to kill them."

"It could," he decided, calming down. "I'll look at that later. Does he have anything else to worry about?"

"From what we saw, he was interested in working on birth defects but got lured by the grant money," Jane told everyone. "Which sucks but I know it happens. He's still working on them on the side. I know before he wasn't doing the intern thing, he couldn't afford it."

"As Lewis proves, unpaid interns can be great," Pepper said, smiling at her. "Anyone else that you've seen who was that bad?"

"One person is trying to create a merged serum and is failing miserably. It's presently killing him with some form of weird cancer. He was writing that up a few months back."

"That Indonesian guy," Jane agreed with a nod and a smile for Darcy. "I'm pretty sure I saw he died before we fled to Africa."

"So....." Tony started. "He self-tested?" Jane nodded. Darcy followed along. "Wonderful!"

"Hey," Bruce complained. "Some of us didn't have a choice."

"And then there's people who inject themselves on purpose because they want to bypass using bunnies," Darcy quipped. "Like Morgean. She's really cranked and psychotic thanks to hers." She grinned at Bruce. "She wanted to make a new drug that would be like a female viagra for the women who have no sex drive. It *so* screwed hers up she got chased down a street by a group of guys trying to grab her for how good she smelled to them." He shuddered. "They had to lock her in a cabin somewhere remote with her stuff so she can try to cure herself. They tried to put her into a psych ward for it and the attendants kept having to fight off the urge to rape her. It's a public health hazard."

"So didn't cure her not feeling up to it but it makes others want it more," Tony said dryly. "I heard something about her."

"We probably were talking about it. We feel really sorry about her," Jane said. "Though I can see why she self-tested. She couldn't get a grant to even start first level safety testing. It's not an area people want to pay money to study because it's about female sexuality."

Darcy grinned. "Xander said if one of his ex's didn't leave me alone he was going to mail her some of that." Jane shuddered. "Yeah. Not even the assassins that broke in here those times. A different one. Though one did have that one formula."

"I still want to find a cure to that," Tony said.

"We have one, it's called viagra," Darcy quipped. "There's probably not a chemical method that'll work better than the physical one." Pepper burst out laughing. "Though I did copy it for you and it's in my journal in case I ever need to use it against someone that has me hostage." She grinned. "Because if I have to, I'll mix some and release it on a base."

"How would that help?" Bruce asked, looking a bit confused.

"If they're screwing like Xander did with those assassins, they won't notice I'm gone for days." She smiled at him. "I told Bucky too and he promised the same thing."

Tony chuckled, smiling at her. "I can just see him unleashing that on HYDRA. It'd definitely make it easier to take them down."

"With how bad their gender imbalance is....lube," Darcy said dryly. "You can only be so creative with lube."

"Jesus," Bruce muttered, shaking his head but he was smiling. "Yeah, I can see that."

Darcy grinned at him. "Don't tempt us. They're mean. They sent someone to try to sex up my brother and he just completely blew them out of the water because they weren't dangerous enough for him. Though he did check to see who had a desire for that guy and let the poker circuit hand him to a goddess that they wanted to be peaceful. It was a good peace price and he's very happy by what they've said. She's spoiling and likes his warrior moments, even got him a new trainer to help him learn more, and all he has to do is put up with her in bed."

Bruce stared, mouth open. "Why?" he mumbled.

"Because it kept her from taking out Chicago for annoying her with the traffic stuff."

"Oh, yeah," he decided weakly. "Is the guy trying to get free?"

"Nope. Apparently she makes him happy and likes what he can do. Not sure *how* since she's nine-foot-something. But apparently he really does it for her."

Pepper walked off giggling but blushing.

"I still think he just climbs up there and helps her," Jane said.

"Eww," Clint complained. "I have mental neighborhoods I don't want." Darcy kissed him on the forehead. "Thanks, Darcy."

"You're welcome." She grinned. "Should I even mention the Avengers sex toys that just came out to make you happy?"

"That won't make me happy. Who authorized that?" he demanded.

"Someone in SHIELD. They had measurements. Accurate measurements. Bragged that they got it from your medical files. Even got things like scars and birthmarks according to it." She let Tony have her phone when he couldn't find it on his. "Second tab in my browser." He got into it and whined, tossing it at Bruce, who blushed but let Clint see it. "And not just you guys. Natasha has hers too." Clint looked then sent Natasha a message from that phone with that address. Up the hall in the apartments they heard swearing in Russian but it was a male voice.

Natasha strolled out. "Who started that?" she asked Darcy.

"Don't know," she said with a shrug and a smile. "But the site said that they got exact measurements and pictures from medical files. It even includes scars and birthmarks."

"Yes it did," Tony agreed dryly. "Including my circumcision scar."

Natasha took the phone to look at that site, groaning when she ran into the owners behind it. "They were former agents who were not in medical. They were in Records."

"I'm going to end that," Clint said, making himself relax again. "Any other happy news, Darcy?" he asked with a grin.

She leaned down to kiss him on the forehead again. "Xander said your ex-wife is in Columbia and wanted to know if you wanted to have her rescued. He wasn't sure what sort of ex situation it was but otherwise she's going to be a concubine soon. SHIELD won't help her because she's been disavowed." He arched an eyebrow up. "You'd have to ask him."

"I can go do that. Is he on your couch?"

"Yup. Whining manly-like about his booboos that're trying to infect." He went to talk to her brother with Natasha. She shrugged at Tony then grinned at Jane. "See all that you missed while Thoring around?"

"Apparently a lot of fun stuff." She grinned. "Make more coffee?"

"Sure, Jane." She went to make more coffee and hot water for Bruce's tea, bringing the kettle out with the tea basket for him then going to get the coffee tray for the others. Bucky came out scowling so she pinched him on the cheek. "Be a good boy, Bucky. Before I have to pout about my brother turning into a normal guy sort and whine at you about it. Not like I have a girlfriend to complain about guy things with anymore."

"Not like I'm a girl," he complained.

She grinned. "You can do as good of a job as Xander does at it if you want."

"Not really. I'm happy with dames being confusing, doll." She grinned as she strolled off. He watched then sighed, going to the gym to get away from Natasha being angry.

"Lewis, can you go cure that bouncy mood with a vibrator that's not one of ours?" Tony asked her.

"Of course I can. I've already shot back when a few bloggers asked me if I could compare them to the real ones for verification." She grinned. "One tried to send me a set but I turned them down for you. I suggested she ask Pepper so she could handle it for you, Tony." She smirked at him. "She's probably got an email waiting on her." She bounced off. "Hey, bro, Tony suggested you set me up with a male sex toy sort."

"I know a few but I doubt they'd want to come into the tower to collect you," he quipped back. "But if you're up to a date tonight, sure."

"Hey, if he buys dinner...I may be up for that as long as he has some level of standards."

"I know a few who could fit those." He looked at his phone, sending two text messages to see where they were. One complained. The other one said he was down the east coast from him. So he told that one his sister was looking for an uncomplicated sex and dinner date but they had to pay because she was between jobs. And he added that she had horrified all the avengers members with their new line of sex toys she had found online. That friend laughed and said they were nice but he was still better. He would gladly take her out the next night when he was more local. "No food allergies, right, sis?"

"Nope."

He sent that and that he'd make him a reservation somewhere nice enough to be a decent dinner. The guy agreed and named a place he liked. Xander looked it up and nodded then agreed and made him a dinner date. He looked at her. "Wear a pretty dress and hose. That restaurant does require at least thigh highs and a skirt."

"I can definitely do that. Tonight?"

"Tomorrow. He's somewhere down the coast."

"Cool. Thanks, Bro. Let me go do some laundry so I have pretty lingerie."

He grinned at Natasha since she was staring at him. "He's got a dick like the Hulk and he's damn good at using it," he told her. She walked off shivering. Clint walked off shaking his head quickly. Xander relaxed again until the nurses came up to check his injuries and dragged him down there to clean them on him. "I cleaned them before my shower," he protested.

"That's nice, dear."

He sighed but she was an older lady and he didn't hit older ladies unless they were evil. She was a nurse so not that level of evil to her patients probably.

Maybe some day his sister would turn into that sort of evil instead of the one she was going toward. It might make her happy. Or at least give her something to do that might pay well. Because being an evil overlord didn't pay great for the first few years and Darcy, like all women, needed shopping trips. So yeah, he'd encourage that career choice instead of her following him into his new evil group. Before she took over on him. She was half a Harris, she could probably do it even better than he did.

The End.
This story archived at http://voracity2.e-fic.com/viewstory.php?sid=117