New Slayers, New Things, New Problems.







Xander came down the stairs to answer whoever was pounding on the front door, nodding at the tallish guy standing there in the weird sunglasses. "Hey." He let him in and then the person rolling in behind him. He rolled his eyes but headed around them. "Sorry, the house isn't fully handicapped accessible at this time. I haven't had time to fix the elevator in the back area in a while since I'm still working on making sure all the bathrooms work. We're getting another ten girls in six weeks for a long training time with Wade and Cable thanks to Kara bragging." He headed into the kitchen. "Want water or something, people?"

"Is Russell all right?" Cyclops asked bluntly, staring at Xander.

"Russell, they're here for you," Xander bellowed, looking up. It had taken them longer than he had thought it'd take. Almost two full weeks.

"I thought I was doing good," the boy complained as he came down the stairs. He paused and cleared the sour expression off his face. Deadpool had shown him how to have a poker face in the worst situations. "Oh, it's you guys." He shrugged. "What's up?"

Cyclops looked at him. "We're worried that Xander's being too harsh on you."

Russell snorted, shaking his head. "He did get me thinking about something beyond my future prison sentence," he said dryly. "He's sent me to therapy, made the girls fuss at me if I don't go, and made them shop for me." Xander came out smirking at him. "It's like light torture but Wade agreed it was better for me than getting mad all the time."

"I told you that you had to stay in therapy until you either found a way around the anger or you got rid of it." Xander handed him a bottle of water. "I need to check your homework too." Russell glared. Xander stared back with a grin. "Suck it, kiddo. You've got to graduate. Just like the slayers do." Russell slumped but nodded, going up to get his books to bring back down. Xander settled in at the table to go over things. "You're doing good with the remedial stuff." He glared up at Cyclops, who winced. Then he looked at the kid as he kicked out a chair to prompt him to sit. "You can go ahead and tell them how mean I am. They already think I'm evil for training the girls to survive."

"Bullshit," Russell said, glaring at them. "The girls have to survive a lot of dirty shit that no one wants to deal with but they have to. It's the only life that sucks worse than being us." Xander smacked him lightly on the head. "It does!"

"No one said you had to be on a response team, kid. Frankly, I'm training you to follow in my ancient footsteps so I don't have to spawn." He stared at him. "Become a dwarf. Life sucks but you gotta do it because the alternative is boring."

Russell nodded. "That's true." He looked at the higher mutants again. "The girls need my sort of help. I can really learn a lot to help them. And it'll keep me out of the hands of goody goodies who think I should've just instantly healed from that orphanage." He grimaced. "Rogue and Logan both showed me how many of the kids were like me, and just mad, but nothing ever helps sometimes."

Xander leaned back. "Humanity as a whole, including the mutant part of it, sucks, Russell. It's a hard truth I hate seeing the girls learn but they had to because they had to hide from it a few times in one year." He stared at him. "You've seen it, and been there. I've seen it and been there. They've seen it and been there. That doesn't give you an excuse to let go and make everyone hurt. I had to stop Willow from doing it, and you're a lighter version of what she had then. Which is why you get therapy." He grinned.

"I guess," he complained, looking at them again. "Xander's got firm rules and the girls will whip my ass in sparring if I break them." Xander grinned and nodded. "Which is humiliating."

"Yup, so quit being a little dick." He sipped his water. "I warned you I wasn't going to put up with it."

"No. You were right, I was acting out of anger," he sighed, slumping down some. "I spent the whole next day in therapy thanks to that." Xander grinned and nodded at the older guys. "She's seriously creepy and seems to like hearing about suffering."

"Actually, her type of demon does feed off suffering, which means that she can help you a lot by draining it out of your mind," Xander said, then drank some water. "You won't lose the memories but it'll disassociate the pain and suffering from them and let you heal a bit faster and cleaner." Russell stared at him. Xander grinned and nodded. "Yeah. A lot of her people work in bill collection agencies too. Some work in the morgue to ease the suffering of the families that have to come in. That way they don't have to hurt as much over the loss they suffered."

"I..." Cyclops sat down across from them. "I hadn't thought about that benefit. I know we've seen some helpful demons and half demons that have been in odd places. Like succuba in massage therapy jobs."

"Yup, because that's an incidental letting out and it helps weed it down and the release of the tension. They're really great at it. Even got my back unscrewed once after a huge battle. I appreciate that service a ton. They can also feed off those feelings without anything sexual even if they're doing regular massage work. I've sent a few of the girls to one for that because they were so backed up on it they were about to pounce a statue one night. It helped ease all that tension without them having to do anything sexually."

Cyclops nodded. "That is a good idea," he agreed. "I know a few of the mutant kids who could use it too." He looked at Russell. "You can come back."

"I know but it's easier here. I don't have to put up with a lot of helpful people and a lot of coddling and a lot of people pretending to be nice because they think I'm weak. No one's going to look at me for my powers here and they might actually be a disability if I want to sign up to follow Xander's ancient footsteps." Xander grinned at that. "The other watchers are idiots."

"Some," Xander agreed. "We keep weeding those sort down. Though there's still six who have the price on my head." He shrugged. "We do what we gotta do even when others disagree because they'd bitch if we didn't."

"That's the way I feel sometimes too," Russell admitted. He looked at Cyclops. "You guys are all way too pansy and pretending to be nice too often. Half the kids there have seen just as bad as I did. Who gets them to let go of it and see anything but hate in the world?"

"Jean used to," he admitted. "We all try, Russell. Just sometimes we can't get there ourselves. Though most of us try to be nice to show some of those non-hate things."

"It comes off as fake," Russell told him. "I mean, totally giggling girls who're forcing it because it looks normal."

"We've noticed that," the Professor agreed. "We do try to counsel those kids. Emma is a counselor."

"She's the one that gave Xander the name of the lady I see." He looked at Xander then at the mutants. "I don't know but right now I'm doing okay here. I'm not struggling with classwork. If I get confused the girls or Xander will explain it if they can. Or I can ask Colossus when he's back from campus. Or Brad but he was military. He even explained why it was a bad option for any mutants." Xander nodded quickly.

Russell sighed, tapping his books a few times. "It's better out here. There's no fake bubble wrap around us to try to shield us from reality. And I can really help the girls. They could all use another influence that wasn't a big brother." Xander patted him on the back with a grin. "Though I do have to run away from the movie nights where they all want to cuddle on the floor to watch tv. It's weird."

"It is," Xander agreed with a nod. "For kids who grew up like you did, or I did, someone touching us because they want to is very weird. We tend to categorize touching as a few methods and dog piling in front of the tv isn't one we're used to. Then again, that's a very girl thing to do and neither of us are girls."

Russell nodded. "Yeah, that is a girly thing." He frowned, looking at Xander. "How does Deadpool handle that?"

"You get used to being hugged. It took me years. You're getting the crash course because of all the tiny ones who think you're tragic and trying to provoke you to swearing so they can laugh at it and you doing the dishes in punishment."

Russell shook his head quickly. "Girls are so weird."

"Yup," Xander quipped with a grin. "They sure are. That's why they're girls. They get weird into their twenties then settle down to become women. Or in Penny's case she went directly from girlishly weird to mom weird." He finished his water. "If you want to go back to the school you can do that. You can show up for lessons all you need to."

"No." He shuddered. "It's way too ...too nice and safe and weak and fake. Reality isn't nice or safe or weak. I like reality better."

"A lot of kids do," Cyclops agreed.

"We would worry that you may go to another group that would cause you to misuse your gifts," the Professor said.

"Cable would kill my ass and he made sure I knew that," Russell said. "He nearly did to keep me from doing that in the future. Thankfully Deadpool saved my chubby ass." He slumped. "I don't want to. I've talked to a lot of people about how I could use my gifts in various ways. Including Xander having me talk to someone from the Park Service about using it to fight forest fires easier." Xander nodded at that then went to the office area.

Russell looked at them. "I know you expected me to start crying 'save me from him being mean' but he's not mean. He's a lot nicer than I'm used to. He has set rules he told me about and explained when I got confused. He lets the girls torment me if I break them. He compared it to being a new gang recruit a few times but Deadpool just giggled at that and agreed. But I'm... I'm okay here. It's not comfy and it's still too nice and gentle, because the girls are, but it's reality. It's not fake niceness and fake reality where people aren't hateful assholes."

"The school's supposed to be a sanctuary from that," Cyclops said patiently.

"Yeah but I've been here too long to ever fall for it and it made my teeth hurt when I grind them."

"We can make you a dentist appointment," Xander called from his desk.

"Please don't," Russell begged. "Pretty please don't? Damn, Xander, please don't," he whined.

"Fine. You still have to go yearly for cavity checks. Just like the girls do."

"Do you?"

"Nope. Because I'll bite someone and the healers don't have any dentists. I don't think I could handle a regular one anymore. But you're not me yet, Russell."

He grimaced, looking at Cyclops. "For that I might run away to check on some of the kids I came up with."

Cyclops grinned because this pouty teenager was more normal than he thought. "They have to go to the dentist next week. You can share the suffering with them." Russell grimaced. "It's good he's taking care of you. Are you getting training time with your gifts?"

"You mean practice time with Colossus nagging me about control issues? Yup." He grimaced again and nodded. "He's a worse nag than the girls my age are. Even worse than Rogue was."

"Yeah, he can. He grew up in the school and he saw a lot of kids come in and then leave. Including some that had to be confined because they became dangerous." An envelope flew out to hit him on the head. "Hey!"

"Sorry, banished it too hard," Xander called. "On those ones that got taken from confinement and where they're serving."

Cyclops opened it and growled. "You sure? We've heard rumors but couldn't substantiate it."

"Ask Cable. He got a few free and to another source to help heal."

"I can do that." He tucked it into his jacket pocket. "Those sort would like your gifts and we do worry about that."

"I'd fight back."

"Which would get you dead," Cyclops said with a sigh at the end. "That's how they do things. They're also not against kidnaping."

"That sounds like the assholes who tried the girls the other day that I made run away while pissing themselves."

"Did I hear about that?" Xander called.

"They begged me not to tell you because they don't want to see you in jail," Russell called back. Xander leaned over to grin at him. "Deadpool saw them."

"Okay. I'll get that from him so I can help stop the newest group of idiots." He leaned back again to get back to his reports.

Russell shook his head with a sigh. "He's kinda weird but he is like an older version of me I guess. I talk to Domino all the time. She grew up at the same orphanage. And Cable is real firm on me growing up to be a decent fucking human being as he put it. Deadpool is in and out all the time to nag about things because the girls think he's like a big brother to them too." He scrunched up his face then let it go. "He does pretty good with that too. Even if Bruno and Penny are teasing him by Bruno being a huge Deadpool fan. It's even his favorite big boy panties. I'm guessing potty training is like that though."

"You have to tempt them and train them to recognize the urges on their own," Cyclops told him. "Then they get the hang and start to go on their own. The baby slayer Bruno?"

"Yeah. Penny's son. He's cute and demands a story if he catches you doing anything but eating." He rolled his eyes. "Penny's made him a geek."

"That's how kids learn."

The Professor nodded. "We have had some children of mutants at the school that young while they attended lessons." He looked at him. "Are you safe here?"

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be? The same things that protect the girls would protect me."

"There's...rumors," the Professor said.

Russell glared at him. "Probably started by guys like you who hate the girls' duty and the fact that we don't all think the same way you do." He got up and walked off. "I'm done before I lose my temper and start to yell things I'm thinking."

"Fine," Xander agreed. "I still need to check your homework." Russell went upstairs to get the rest of his stuff. Xander came out to stare at him. "First, I know how those rumors got started. And who exactly started them." He stared at the older man, who flinched back. "That information was easy to find through the local poker circuits. Hell, even a few of the bad ninja sorts we have in town told me about that, Professor.

"Second, if you *ever* insinuate that I'd ever touch one of the kids under my care wrong again I will out some things you don't want people to know. Including that you killed a whole team of yours. On purpose. The information wasn't that hard to find." The Professor rolled backwards, looking horrified. "Plenty of us don't play that shit. Ever." He looked at Cyclops, shrugging some. "Also, have you talked to Edna recently? I know she's a social worker now and I've talked to her about a few of your kids recently. None as badly hurt as Russell was but still pretty badly off."

"I can talk to her tonight. A kid that needs to be removed from their home because they're in danger?"

"In the special serial killer unit downtown." Cyclops winced. "Who is a telepath and she called in a few other telepaths to read him. He got tampered with. They're trying to undo it."

"I can, yeah, I can talk to her about the kid. Can we help him?"

Xander shrugged. "We're not sure. He was tampered with when he was about six or so. I think Logan might have some flashbacks to his own life with the kid. No claws but the kid's like a mini him, growling and all. Just more violent thanks to that tampering when he loses control. I got called in to bind him from doing intentional harm against someone innocent."

"I can talk to her tonight. Does she want to move him?"

"I don't know. I know she was contemplating calling herself but couldn't get through."

"I'll call her on the way home. Maybe we can stop in to check on him."

"Maybe you can, because he had a hugely bad reaction to a team photo in the paper. Which was when she had me come in to bind him from doing harm."

"Yeah, I can do that. Do we think it was one of us?"

"She said it was a telepath. A male telepath."

"Not that many of those," he agreed, considering it. "I can check. Maybe we can help the kid."

"He and Russell get along great. Chris could be a great mini Deadpool some year but he doesn't babble or have cancer. Or the healing gift."

"We can check," the Professor agreed. "I am sitting right here."

"She asked me not to mention it to you. Since it was a male telepath, she doesn't want to trigger him. He nearly freaked at Cable but got we got him calmed down. Cable was the one that identified it was a guy's signature instead of a female one."

"Yeah, I can go talk to her," Cyclops assured him. "Sounds like the kid could be turned around at least somewhat so Logan was more a role model."

Xander grinned. "Could help the kid. She said he's got a removed step in his thoughts and just basically goes on his underwater urges as she called them. He did take out two sickos who were tormenting the other kids. Then he went to have cocoa."

Russell came down the stairs. "Chris? Yeah, he's metal as fuck but it's like his mind doesn't have a consequences switch or voice or something." Xander nodded. "I saw him take out someone who broke in to supposedly rescue one of the girls in there then he looked at his hands and complained he had ripped a fingernail so he walked off chewing on it." He handed Xander his homework to check. "I still hate math."

"We all hate math. Math is important though. Things like building things and forging weapons and trajectory are all math." He tipped his head, frowning. "How did you even get that?" he asked. He pointed at it. "How?"

"The book said it was that?"

"Cheating on the homework means you have to help with the laundry."

"I checked it after I did it!" he defended. "Please don't make me help with the laundry?"

"Fine." He got the book to look through. "That can't be."

Cyclops took it to look at. "No, the answer's twelve." He handed it back and looked at the book. "Oh, that book series."

"That's what the state wanted," Xander quipped. "The girls are doing one out of Cleveland if they're doing distance learning or they're not enrolled in the local schools we picked." He grinned. "They're really hard too. Russell has to catch up before he gets those."

Cyclops grinned. "That's always a great thing. The girls have great potential they have to live up to."

"Yup. There's no GED slayers on my watch." He looked at Russell. "Or watcher trainee candidates."

Russell grimaced. "I could probably pass a GED faster. Then I could go into training faster."

"Um, no. Training doesn't start until eighteen." Xander grinned back. "Though you're getting minor training already."

"I noticed the biology lesson in demon body types." He looked at Cyclops. "First lessons is why tentacles can be bad or fun."

Cyclops patted him on the arm. "So I've heard." The boy sulked at that non-helpful sympathy.

"Trade ya, I learned that playing kitten poker and having to figure out if they were being flirty or sore tentacled as they waved them around and patted me with them."

"Ewww."

"Yup. " Xander grinned at him again. "We can do it my way instead."

"Hell no!"

"KP for another night, kid. And granted, so learn to like the books. The girls get the same lessons."

"I can do that. I guess." He looked at the other adults. "In a few years I get to learn swords too."

"And how to use your fire gifts to forge them," Xander agreed with a nod. "That's one way to use it and it's temperature specific so you have to have a bit better control of the finite limits you have."

"Because you have to heat the metal up enough to be pliable but not melted," Cyclops said with a nod and a smile. "That's one very good lesson."

"And it can be helpful in other things. Like you're trapped under some metal, you know how to maneuver it so you can get it away from you and not burn yourself at the same time."

"I hadn't thought of that lesson but that could help," Cyclops agreed, standing up. "It's a good set of lessons." He looked at the kid. "If and when you want to come back, you can."

"I know." He waved a hand. "I'm good for now."

"Good." He patted him on the arm. "If you need advice or help training your gifts, come to us. The danger room has special areas for pyrotechnic talents." He shook Xander's hand. "You're sure you're okay with him?"

"Yeah. I can turn him into a great future watcher. That way all the urges he has to fight come out in a better manner. And he can help any of the girls that had a rougher upbringing calm down too because he'll have been there."

"Point. I forgot you guys had to pull some of the girls from social services care." Xander nodded. "Let us know if you need help with him or Beth."

"Bethy's training with her dad mostly. That way he can show her how to use the gift without wearing herself out the way she usually does. It's helped a lot. She's under a minute and a half for a mile."

"That's great. Pietro's gift is pretty hard to harness without practice and a lot of calories." He patted Russell's arm again then left with his boss. Cyclops looked at him. "I think he's still mad that you tried to break up Kara and Piotr."

"Quite possibly," he complained. "There are some weird anti-telepath wards or something in there stifling any gifts like that."

"That can help since last week Xander handed over a girl that was jealous of Kara thanks to Piotr's ex girlfriend and was sending nightmares at everyone." The Professor grimaced but nodded at that. He helped him into the car and drove off to talk to that social worker. Chris sounded like a kid they could definitely help. The world didn't need two Logans. Or two Deadpools.

***

Penny waddled past Russell doing his homework then paused, looking at him then at Kara. "That's Russell. Xander's turning him into a mini me, who has a foul mouth like Wade does."

"Oh," she said with a nod, then went back to waddling off. "That explains a lot."

Russell looked at her. "You could ask me."

Penny scowled at him. "With the way I feel about most guys today, you should probably hide, kid."

He pouted. "I'm not old enough to have knocked you up."

"She's got Brad for that," Kara quipped. She looked over his shoulder. "Go ask Amanda, she does best in science." He sighed but nodded and went to ask her to explain things. "Russell was at that place that Wade and Cable busted," she said quietly. "He was too used to bad to deal with the school."

Penny nodded. "I don't blame him for needing a more realistic place and Xander does need an heir before I have to have another son." Kara laughed, nodding some. "Have you seen Bruno recently?"

"He's napping in the armory," Xander called from the office. "And I'm taking your daughter to turn into my minion too. She can be the watcher for her brother."

Kara rolled her eyes. "So damn glad I'm adopting."

Penny punched her on the arm. "Remember, Rosenburg can do that." She went into the armory to find her son. She paused, sniffled a bit, and took a lot of pictures. She even sent one to her husband upstairs. He came jogging down to look and sighed, leaning on her shoulder. She looked back at him with a grin. "Xander said his sister can be his watcher."

"Yeah, she can do that if I don't talk her into my old job." They stared at their little chaos source, who had pulled down a katana and a smaller axe to help him nap on top of the box of grenades. They both took pictures to share around. Xander handed over his camera after taking a few for them. It was a better picture. Penny even shared with Dawn and Buffy, plus Faith because she had been stressed earlier during their senior slayer conference call. She got back a few 'awwws' and one 'he probably shouldn't be sleeping on grenades' from Buffy.

Brad sent one of the pictures to Weasel, who sent back a 'that's too damn adorable to do anything but banish evil, great job with the kid'. He showed Penny, who smiled and nodded. Bruno babbled in his sleep about his uncle, petting the sword. Penny caught most of it with her phone camera. They backed out slowly, running into Cable and Deadpool, both in uniform. She put her finger against her lip and pointed with a grin. Both guys looked in there and grinned. Bruno was still babbling about his favorite uncle while petting the sword.

Deadpool took out his phone to get a few for himself. "My kid might've done that," he said quietly, backing out of the armory. Cable followed shaking his head.

Xander hit him on the arm, grinning at him. "Vanessa promised I could turn your kid into my hallowed footsteps to be a watcher. As Remy's cousins prove, assassins do pretty well at the job." He walked off.

Wade smiled at Cable then at Penny, hugging her. "I'm turning the new one into a brat so she's not angelic." He walked off.

"Xander just said she'd be her brother's watcher," she quipped. "So no, not angelic thankfully."

Brad kissed her on the throat. "Go do pregnant slayer yoga. I'll get the others for sparring." She nodded, walking off to do that. "Fall in, ladies. Sparring," he bellowed up the stairs.

"Daddy, hush!" Bruno shouted back. "Mean shit!"

Wade burst out giggling, hugging the baby when he ran out to pounce him. "You're my favorite little guy, Bruno." He cuddled him. "You're so neat."

"Wade!" he cooed, grinning at him. "Good boy Wade." He patted him. "No mask!" He tugged at it until it came off with some help from Cable. "There! My Wade! I stealed!" He beamed at him.

"You sure did steal me, little dude." He walked off carrying him. "It's slayer sparring time. Wanna learn?" The baby cooed and petted him, babbling the whole way.

Xander had taken film of all that and sent it to Weasel and others, then winked at Cable since it went to his phone too. "For when you need a happy time." He went up the stairs. "Sparring, ladies," he reminded the chatting ones. "Warm up please." They groaned. Russell groaned too but did as ordered. He kept looking at Wade and Bruno. Xander poked Russell on the arm. "Wade actually made Bruno quit kicking his mommy one night and since then Wade's been his favorite uncle. I almost feel sorry for whoever comes after Bruno to try to get back at his mommy or me. They're going to be dearly departed of the vaporized variety before anyone else can tell us to stop."

"I won't be trying to get between you and Wade and them," Cable told him. "I'd hate to have to heal those injuries."

Xander grinned at him. "I have a special stuff for them." He considered it. "Or really bad boyfriends."

"You have poker debts," Wade quipped. "They're more scary."

Xander smirked at him. "Those sort would give my poker buddies heartburn. I can blow them up instead."

Cable stared at Xander. Then he smirked. "You scare me sometimes." Xander hugged him then bounced off to help the girls. Cable looked at Russell. "Follow his lead but don't become him. He's scary."

Russell nodded. "Especially since he hasn't slept since two days ago."

Wade looked over. "Did you forget where your room was?"

"No, I was just busy," Xander admitted. He took Bruno, making the baby pout. "Come stretch with us, Bruno. It's great fun." He grinned. "You can even help Mommy stretch." He put him down and pointed. Bruno ran over to pounce his mom and babble about his favorite uncle while she helped him learn how to stretch.

Wade got up and walked over to Xander, staring at him. "You need to sleep. You're not that good when you're tired."

"Couldn't help it. I got into cleaning stuff." He shrugged but grinned. "I'll sleep tonight." He yawned for show. "After dinner and getting everyone down."

Brad looked over. "I tried a tranq dart."

"Which means you get to make more because we were down to two," Xander quipped back. "I warned you about that."

"Fine. I'll go bribe that demon to let me have some of his slime and make more darts." He rolled his eyes but helped his son stretch. "Good boy, Bruno. Just like that." Bruno grinned and waved at him but went back to stretching. "Very good boy. Stretching is always important so you don't get injuries from doing stupid stuff." He punched one of the middle teen girls on the arm. "Quit doing that before you hurt yourself and someone else."

"Sorry," she pouted. "How do you do that?"

"You go take a class," Xander quipped with a grin. "All summer long if you want. Or after school."

"Would that fill in for sparring time?" she asked, looking hopeful.

"For that one class day a week."

"Shit."

"Sucks, but yay, princess," Xander shot back with a smirk. "We can sign you or any of the girls up to martial arts classes."

The other girls pouted but helped Bruno learn how to stretch and then they helped him learn how to trip people. He was really good and ran over to show Wade by trying to trip him. Wade played along and fell down on the second attempt at an ankle sweep, making Bruno a happy boy. That got another film taken because Bruno was proving he was a big, mean boy to all the others.

Bruno looked at his daddy with a huge grin. "Fuck you!" he cheered then bounced around.

Wade burst out laughing and shaking his head. "Not me!" he said between giggles. Bruno grinned and pounced him to tickle him, making them roll around and then Wade run away for show. Bruno cheered some more. Xander, he was happy taking film for future cute needs.

"Son, no saying fuck until you're thirteen at least," Penny said, staring at him. "Say nicer words please."

He pouted. "You say." Brad burst out laughing and nodding.

"Yeah but I'm a big person. When you're a big person you can say fuck and shit too." She grinned. "Until then, saying bad words means you stand in a corner or sit in a chair." He hugged her then ran over to pick on Cable again. Cable played along well enough, looking really amused but kinda sad. Bruno spotted Wade coming back in and snuck over in an overly exaggerated way that let everyone know what he was doing. He pounced him, knocking him down so he could sit on his back and bounce happily in triumph.

Wade looked back at him. "I'll cuddle you if you get off my back." Bruno laid down to cuddle him there. "Sure." He shifted slowly, flipping over and catching the kid to cuddle better. "Cuddle me this way, Bruno. That way I don't have creepy thoughts about you when you're an adult." Bruno blew a kiss and snuggled in again, taking Wade's gun to coo at and pet. Wade took it back to unload it then handed it back. "We don't need an accident. I'd hate that," he said quietly, petting the baby.

Xander had caught it all on film and sent it to Weasel, then Cable's phone, then he went to hide the film from the camera in the safe. Just in case so it couldn't get lost.

Cable looked at the duo then at the parents, who were grinning at him. "It's cute," he agreed. "And Bruno's a good boy. A strong boy who'll some day kick ass like Wade does." He came over to help the girls get into sparring practice with Russell. Two more guys came in with a late slayer. "Fall in, kids."

Amanda pulled her hair back, nodding as she stretched her arms. "I am. That's why we came home instead of studying at the school. I brought Peter and Ned again."

"That's fine," Cable agreed, pointing. "Fall in, boys." They sulked but did that. Wade was cuddling Bruno in the corner so it was an okay diversion.

Peter looked over then decided not to look at Wade and the baby. He was clearly having a moment and that was cool with him. He looked at Amanda, who was cooing quietly. He nudged her. "If you beat me I'll tutor you for the chem exam."

She smirked. "I'm already ahead in there. Aren't I tutoring you?"

He sighed but nodded. "Probably. I never win anyway." He finished stretching and fell into line to get into the sparring. When the boy came over to pounce them, Amanda tickled him until he ran to hide behind Cable and stick his tongue out at them. Peter grinned. "You're really cute, kid." Bruno nodded with a grin. "And modest too."

"Toddlers are like unholy relics; they're cute and you want to cuddle them but it's not always a good idea," Kara quipped. Cable poked her on the head. She kicked at him and it was a good sparring match. He won, barely, but she ended up in a dead end match with a dagger at his throat. Wade was giggling. Kara grinned at him. "Does that mean I can call off sparring for the rest of the night?"

"Only if you really win." He surged up and she had to roll out of the way, coming up with her sword. He had a gun. She was grinning meanly. "Are you possessed?" he asked dryly.

"Hell no. Flirty." She grinned. "You're cute but not strong enough."

Xander walked in and threw something at her head. Piotr was right behind her. "And that was Jean," Xander quipped. "Dumb bitch and all that." He touched her head, calling to the slayer spirit. It came up and forced out the intrusion. They all heard some woman's voice scream in rage but it faded out.

Bruno looked up and waved. "Bye-bye!" he called with a wave and a grin. "Have good day!"

"You're very nice, kiddo," Russell said, staring at him. "But that was a mean voice. We don't like that voice." Bruno pouted. "Say bye-bye to the nice voices." Bruno nodded, going to pounce Cable, which made him put up his gun. Xander did a banishing over him. Nothing. So it was just weird kid things. Xander did one for the rest of the girls, freeing them. Penny shook her head, doing another one over her poor son. He wasn't possessed, he just wanted to flirt with Cable's shiny guns apparently. Piotr was calling someone to tell them about what had happened.

Xander grinned at everyone. "So, sparring," he said, clapping his hands. "We were going to get back into that?" They all groaned but nodded.

Cable looked at Kara. "Was that you or her?"

"I think it was me. I do that a lot." She grinned. "I'm saving the good moves for the unnaturally strong pricks we have to fight." Wade swatted her so she got him back. They got into a swatting match, which the girls joined in on. That let the younger ones hog Cable and the horny ones try to pinch Wade.

"My Wade!" Bruno yelled, pushing at the girls. "You not hurt or I be mean!" He pushed at a few others. "Mine! Mine mine mine mine mine!" He scowled. "I whip your asses!"

"Yes you will, precious," Kara cooed, picking him up to cuddle. "You'll do really good at it some day soon." She cuddled him. "Such a good boy to protect Wade." He grinned and nodded, holding his arms out at Wade to be cuddled by him.

"I still think you're weird and I'm not a role model," Wade complained but took the kid to let himself be hugged. Bruno grinned and petted his head. "Thanks. Am I a dog?"

"Otter," he said with a happy grin.

"Oh, that's cool. Otters are nice creatures." Brad took his son back, grinning as he walked him off to go watch animal videos with him.

"Well, otters are smart. They use tools, they're cute and fuzzy, and highly protective of their kids," Xander quipped. Wade punched him on the arm. "Ow! Mean bitch!" He rubbed the spot, glaring at him. "Just for that I should tell Justin you do want to go out on a date."

"Don't you dare hook me up with your ex who is psychotically cheery and helpful," Wade warned, holding up a hand. "Just...don't."

Xander grinned. "He wanted to date both of us together. I told him I wasn't into threesomes this week." Wade glared. Xander grinned. "He said he'd take you alone because he could use some bouncy fun. I told him I'd ask."

"No," Wade said slowly and clearly. "I'm not going to date one of your weird ex's." He looked at Cable.

"Not like I've dated him," Cable complained but he was grinning too. "You could use a nice date. Justin was only into drugs from the background I did."

Xander nodded. "Making new ones, not selling."

Wade shook his head with a sigh, looking up. "Why me? Xander, why don't you date him?"

"Because I don't want to wear him out again. Last time he had to call in a minion to save him from the heart attack." He shrugged and grinned. "It wasn't even that long." He walked off sighing. "I do need a date before the world ends."

Cable looked at Wade. "See, you can be heroic."

"I'm going to kill you," Wade warned. "I really am. I'd run. Give me some fun, Nathan." Cable just grinned and went back to helping the girls.

"Thankfully the minis have a censor spell around them," Kara quipped with a grin for Penny. "It gives you beeps instead of bad words." Wade gave her an odd look. "Tara's a bit of a prude. She made sure the girls wouldn't hear too many swear words."

Wade walked off. "That's not a great idea. Let me go swear in private since it's pick on Wade day."

"I have not yet," Piotr said dryly. "Though I could join in. You and Xander would make a charming couple. And you could make sure he slept more often. We do worry about why he does not sleep. Or why you do not sleep."

Wade glared at him. Then he went back to his stomping off to swear in a bathroom. Hopefully pick on Wade day was over with soon. When he came out, two of the older slayers were walking down the stairs in pretty revealing clothes. "I know many strippers who wear more than that, you two. Go change! It's patrol, not stripping for allowances." He pointed. "Before I have a flashback to the girls at Vanessa's club." They pouted but went to change. "And there's no need for stockings!"

Xander came out of the armory, looking at him. "Wow, you do that nearly as good as I do." He hugged him. "It'll be okay. Buffy's coming tonight so you can flirt with her. She could use it. A lot. She only likes dangerous guys too."

"She'd hate the scarring."

"She's slept with vampires, Wade. You're thousands of times better than a dead penis even if you're not fully into it, but you could use the stress relief. Before you turn into me." He looked at Wade's overshirt of a Hawaiian shirt. "Is that mine?"

Wade looked down then sighed. "Yeah, I was missing mine when I got up and you left it." He took it off to hand over. "I don't want to turn into you. You don't use guns very often and you handle creepy things." Xander pouted. "Don't do that!" He walked off, running into Buffy. "Hey," he said with a nod.

She looked him over, smiling at him. "I know the girls get a lot of help from people in spandex. You clearly are one of them. You're really fit." She touched his arm. "Wow." She smiled. "Are you helping on patrol tonight?"

"He's just lost his girlfriend a few months ago," Xander said as he walked past them. "Wade is my best friend. Be nice to him, Buffy. Though a few of my ex's think he's hotter than I am. I have to go correct them sometime soon."

Buffy swallowed her spit, looking Wade over again. "I agree, he's hotter. You don't have muscles or an ass like that, Xander." Wade actually blushed as he headed for the armory. Cable came down and she stared at him. "Wow. Lots of hotties up here. Huh." She nodded.

"No," Cable told her. "Sorry, Buffy."

"That's fine. There's still one hotty in spandex." She went to talk to him. Maybe he'd be pouncy like those mercenaries at the bar were? She mentioned having been there a few times thanks to Xander and having fun with some of the guys. Wade just stared at her. So she decided to channel Faith and pounce him. He yelped but it was fun. He didn't complain and he was great at it. Even when Bruno came in to save him. She looked at the baby. "Go see Daddy, Bruno. He wants to feed you cookies." Bruno ran off with a squeal. She grinned at Wade. "Cookies are a favorite of all slayers. Even meaty cookies." She licked over his nipple again.

Xander closed the armory door and looked at the waiting slayers. "They'll catch up." They sighed but nodded, taking Cable with them. "Call if you need me. I'm going over homework."

"Have fun," Penny called with a wave, holding her poor son. "Let us know if you have problems because Xander's bored." The girls giggled but agreed they could as they left the house. She looked at her son. "We should get cookies. Auntie Buffy was right about that." She took him to get cookies. She wanted cookies too.

Xander snuck off to have some fun with an ex who was local. Even if that one had sucky stamina and got tired after an hour. By the time he got home, Wade was soaking his poor back in Xander's bathtub. Buffy was out on patrol with her minis. Penny and Bruno were in bed napping. Xander went down to clean the armory. It needed it due to the kid mess and then the Buffy mess. He didn't even want to know why a sword had a condom over the hilt. She might share if he asked and he did not need the thought of Buffy sex with any inanimate object. Or most animate objects with her liking vampires so much.

Wade came down to pull Xander back to bed, tucking him in to lay on top of the sheets so Xander couldn't sneak off again.

***

Wade saw the signs of nightmares on Xander the next morning. "Bad night?" he asked.

Xander shook his head and waved a hand. "Slightly prophetic one I think." He sat up, grimacing at his body. "I have no idea how to handle that but if that was right, I can protect two beings with one smartass." He got up, frowning as he walked off. Kara pushed him back into his room. "I need to hit the office. I'm pretty sure I had a slayer dream."

"I'm pretty sure Penny had it too because she was complaining you sent her son off with another version of you and Dawn to protect him and two of the three stones that Thanos needs."

"Yeah, that fit mine. Then you girls all went to the castle."

She grinned. "Shut up, Xander." She walked off. "Wade, knock him out please. Penny said that's not a workable plan when she explained it to Brad at one this morning."

"But it could be a solution, and we don't have one," Xander said, trying to get to his office. Wade stopped him. "Wade!" he warned.

"Tell me what it was," he said dryly. "I hate being the voice of reason but I do have better tactical training than you do." He stared at him. Xander explained how the vision/dream went. How he had stolen two of the stones and sent them with Dawn, and Forger, who was another Xander in another marvel universe. That one was blended thanks to Asgard so they had all the slayers and everyone else there.

Dawn took the time stone before they disappeared with a grin for the holder, that sorcerer guy. He had sent Bruno to protect him because he didn't think he could watch him disappear in a pile of dust. Wade just nodded slowly. "Okay, first, Penny will kill you like Thor kills pastries."

"I can get Bruno back afterwards. The convention realm doesn't connect really well to his realm but Dawn can get them back that way." He considered it.

Wade shoved Xander back onto the bed. "You, nap. Let me, Brad, and Cable think about that. And tell some others."

"There's two stones I know the location of. Well, three, because the Sorcerer guy wears one."

Wade winced. "Okay, that may be a workable part of the plan. Sending Bruno...."

Xander sat up, staring at him. "Wade, Thanos snapped and dissolved half the world. The people, the plants, the animals. All of that half just turned to dust and blew away. Do you want Bruno here?"

"No," he agreed. "I don't. That's kinda my worst nightmare and may be Cable's too with what happened to his family. Let those of us who were trained in tactics work over the plan while you rest. Then you can have a wacky plan idea on top of ours. Okay?" Xander sighed but nodded. Wade shoved him backwards. "Nap. You clearly still need a rest." He went jogging down the stairs, looking at Penny. "I'd send him off too. Just so I didn't have to see him turn to dust." She shuddered, hugging her son. "So no complaining about that?"

"No, I won't complain about that."

"Good!" He grinned at Cable, who stiffened and grabbed onto the counter. "It's bad. Thanos is beyond bad."

"I heard," he admitted. "It was a history lesson to me, Wade."

"The snap?"

"Yup."

"How do we fix it? Or did we fix it? Did we just rebuild?"

"Nothing was in-depth about it. That he was stopped before he could destroy half of everything."

"Which is why Xander wanted to send Dawn and Bruno to another him in another world like ours. With at least two of the stones."

Cable considered it. "Not a horrible idea but I hate having to rely on that sort of abilities. And why Dawn?"

"Dawn has abilities that could help protect the stones and other places. None of us know *why* but we know she's got magic she can't really use very well and she's stupidly powerful," Brad said. Penny nodded at that. "It's not a bad baseline plan. Can we just move the stones? Even that way?"

"I'm assuming they can go off realm," a female said as she appeared. "I heard my name whispered in fear," she quipped with a grin, pinching Wade's cheek. "You're adorable." She looked at the baby who was staring at her oddly. "Hey, little guy. Come cuddle me?" Bruno shrugged but let her take him to cuddle. "You're really special and I agree with Uncle Xander, you need to be protected." She kissed him on the nose, getting a shy grin. "Good boy, Bruno." She looked at Penny. "Yeah, if something happens, I'll take him with me, Penny."

"Thank you, Dawn." She sighed. "Xander had a slayer dream, about when I did. It was us sending you, three stones, and the baby with a Xander named Forger."

"Hmm." Dawn sat down cuddling the baby. Who wanted Wade. Wade took him to hug then handed him back to his daddy since he wanted to be cuddly. "Forger...." She got up to get the book of solutions and came back looking it over. "Like ours, and like this universe, but HYDRA actually pulled him from his original realm to be their special warrior due to the hellmouth taint. Then pulled Andrew it says," she read, skimming it.
"They got free thanks to shaman skills, saved Bucky from them, and went on the run to destroy them until Andrew got home.

"Then he and Bucky went back to destroying HYDRA things." She looked up. "So not that bad and probably protective. He works with their Avengers sometimes and handles demon things for them." She looked at the baby then at Penny. "I'm not doubting it's a good plan, and a reasonable one, but is that the best place to put the stones and the baby since they're presently merged with that Xander's original world due to their Asgard."

Penny sighed. "I don't like that idea."

"Bruno will be safe even if you're not."

"I get that," she agreed. "And I hate that I have to think that way."

"The other only thing we have is that Thanos is actually locked up somehow with a bead of my heart's blood." Penny and Brad both winced. "Willow," she quipped with a grin.

"Fuck," Brad said, making his son giggle. "How?"

"She was on the astral plane and did it after fighting off his trap. I got told and had to explain it to others." They all grimaced.

Cable looked at her. "Dawn, I can feel something like a talent?"

"You can probably feel the artifact I got exposed to," she said dryly. "Which is trapped within me and I can barely use. But I can do super soldier strong magical protections. It's actually what I plan on doing for a career. No matter how often my sister bitches."

"She's in a room upstairs," Penny quipped.

"Great." Dawn smirked at her. "I'll ignore the fits." She tipped her head back and listened. "She's wanking off." She looked at Wade and Cable again. "Can one of you please screw my sister plentifully? She could really use one that's deadly in a better way than a vampy vamp."

Penny groaned. "Definitely." She took her sleepy son back to cuddle. "Are there other Xanders that might be easier to handle it?"

"Xander Lokison," she admitted. "They fought Thanos once. He wasn't super strong but they could only drive him off. They had a few weapons that worked. He was strong enough there to kill five gods and send another seven out of corporeal status. And nearly the me there. And they're used to kids because Xander's the stepdad to Phil's three and a half kids. Plus godfather to my six there and the Stark kids."

She considered it. "Dumass might be able to but if Thanos shows up there they're screwed. They don't have anyone in spandex. Just magic users who panic about non-magic using muggles. Especially their Stargate sorts." She looked at the book. "I doubt we want him in the cursed princess world. Magic and demons but no heros." She sighed. "Forger is probably the most subtle of all of them but he's not all that subtle or that strong. There's the twins' worlds.

"But again, no guys in spandex. There's GHS uni's, and that might be okay enough. No spandex wearing sorts but the Old Gods are around somewhat. And immortals." She considered it. I need to talk to Lokison's people." She got up and went to the office, sending herself to the convention realm then to Xander's temple. He gave her a pointed look. "My Xander had a prophetic dream about Thanos and having to send me, three stones, and Bruno to Forger."

"That's going to suck. Um...." He looked around his office.

"Can we get details of your battle? Maybe even the weapons?"

"Yeah, I can do that, Dawn." He stared at her. "What do you do?"

"Protections and artifact work." She grinned. "I know where three of them are on our world. I can gladly take them with me. And Bruno."

"I saw him. He's adorable." He grinned. "Want to talk to the you here?"

"Only if she wants to. I'm not against it." She grinned. "I'll need tips on how to babysit at the very least. And maybe theft of special stones."

"Ask Remy," Xander quipped. "He can do that." He summoned all the references they had used and the file of copies of plans they had for the weapons. He handed them over then laid a protection charm on her by kissing her forehead. "There. Try really hard and come running if you have to with the slayers."

"I have the feeling they're going to the castle." She grinned. "Which may creep out Dumass again. Thanks, Xander." She hugged him and bounded back, sitting at the table. "The battle against Thanos in Xander Lokison's world. Including stuff for Stark." Xander came down the stairs. "I talked to Protective Xander."

"That's cool. He's had the most experience with that. Only one other world that I know of had Thanos show up and he called up a few hell gods and one brought an ascended demon to help. Then Willow stole the stones from the gauntlet." He put his account of his slayer dream on top of it. Wade took it to look over and handed it to Cable. "I'm not sure if the castle would be safe enough to prevent the snap from hitting the slayers. For that I might have to send them to a temple in Princess Xander's realm. Or to Hunter Xander's realm. Or maybe Lavelle's. His has slayers but they're mostly bitches."

Dawn nodded. "I'm pretty sure the me in Lavelle's world would freak out."

"Could be," he agreed. "You are married to the cop that kept trying to capture them for over four decades. And pushing out mini cops."

She nodded. "So weird that I had kids." She shook her head quickly. "And the me in Lokison's world too." She grinned at Wade. "I don't think you were there, but in that world I'm married to Hawkeye and Natasha. And we have kids." Wade shuddered. "Yup."

"He went to the convention with me," Xander quipped with a grin for her. "Your heathens tried to help too."

"I was probably going nuts and let them before my head exploded."

"Could be," he agreed with a pat on her arm. "The you in Lavelle's world used to be an art thief."

"Wow but yeah I can see that." They shared a look. "Princess Xander's realm?" she decided.

"Probably safest but higher level demons. Might be safer to send them to hunter Xander."

"Could be. But the heaven vs hell battles."

"Point but they slowed down. One of the top dicks in their hell pulled Lavelle by accident while trying to get the me there. He was not amused."

"Lavelle wouldn't be, no. Not after fighting his way out of hell." She snapped her fingers. "The world with the Ders."

"That could be. No heros but magic capable. Pretty far off ours. Is a strong enough realm to hold multiple slayers and two not-natural twins of me." He considered it then nodded. "Yeah, I can ask him if he can. With Hunter Xander as a backup." She nodded at that. "That just leaves the stones."

"I'll steal if I have to," she said dryly. "And follow the girls there."

"No, he'll track the stones there if he can. You go visit Princess me." She nodded at that plan. He looked at the others. "Penny, that sound good for you? That's a whole world that's presently trying not to have an end times battle state."

"I can't see a problem with that if we don't get pulled into it." Xander grimaced. "Though it's probably the safest place." She looked at her son then at him. "Would they be after him?"

"Only a few slayers there. They never had the LA invasion, or at least not yet. The me there ran away from the bitching and got in with the traveling hunter sort." She smirked at him. He grinned back. "I finished my training with Bobby, yeah. He's like a dad to that me."

Penny reached over to pat his arm. "That's cool. You could use a nice daddy."

"Not that sort," he said sarcastically but grinned. "Okay. We need to remove the stones we can. Some are on Asgard. Some are in space. Three are down here. We have not a hope in hell of getting one of them. One's being a necklace while pretending to be a mystical artifact." He looked at Dawn.

"The other's in a demon bank that Xander stuffed it into." He nodded. "Yeah, I can do that. The sooner the better. But we need the soul stone."

"Which is off planet," Xander quipped. "As far as I know."

"Good!" she agreed. "But we have to stop him getting to that one."

"We'll have the time stone," Xander said. "And the mind stone."

"Yeah..." She looked back. "Hey, sis. Huge problems. Already have prophecies and now slayer dreams."

She came over to look, frowning at the slayer dream. "I saw that. Bruno needs to be safer. We'd hate to see him hurt." She patted Penny on the shoulder. "All the kids in the Council are sweetly cute and innocent. Especially him."

Bruno looked up at her with a huge grin. "Shithead."

"Son," Brad complained, glaring at him. "Bad word."

"Ooops." He grinned, wiggling until he could get onto the table and pounce Cable from there, making him catch him. "Mine!" He cuddled him, falling asleep on his metallic shoulder.

Wade looked at him then at Penny. "I think your raunchy wet dream of your husband in my suit with his guns got into your son's mind." She swatted him but blushed with a slight grin at Brad.

"Big guns can be hot but I'd look horrible in the spandex," Brad quipped. Penny blushed harder. He grinned at her. "I'll help you with the naughty thoughts later, dear."

"Awww," Dawn and Xander quipped with a grin for them.

"Happy couples are great," Xander agreed. "And not like you can get her pregnant now."

"True," Penny agreed, rubbing her stomach. "So are we agreed?" Xander and Dawn nodded. "Okay. My part is...."

"Going with the slayers," Wade ordered. "Probably with the kid if we can remove most of you."

"Sure." She nodded. She took her son back so Cable could finish buttering his toast. "You're a good boy most of the time, Bruno," she said in his ear. "We love you for that." He snuffled and shifted to curl up more on her breasts but he was comfy. She looked at Buffy. "If you ever date someone living you can have one."

"Funny," she said with a short glare. "Dawn can't have any and neither can I."

"Dawn can have some," she shot back. "And someday will find someone worthy of her magnificence. Until then Dawn is going to play the field and tease pretty men." She grinned at her sister. "Just like Mom would've done before she got in with your shitbag dad."

"Point," Buffy agreed. "I do enjoy flirting too. We got it from Mom." She got up to make some coffee then sat down with it. "What's our part in this battle?"

"Fleeing for our lives," Penny said. Buffy glared at her. "We can't fight an intergalactic immortal bad guy, Buffy."

"No, you can't," Xander agreed. "In one realm that we know of, a weaker version of him killed multiple gods, sent some incorporeal, including the me there, and only got banished."

"You're a god there?"

He grinned. "The son of one and the protector of humanity. And married to a nice guy."

"You need to see if you can flirt with him here."

"He's not into it."

"Oh, pity. You could use a nice guy." She sipped her coffee. "What are we doing instead?"

"I'm going to try to send you to Hunter me's world. The only problem is that their heaven vs hell end time battles are trying to go on."

Buffy waved a hand while she sipped. "If we have to, we can jump in." She stared at him. "And you'll be....."

"Guarding artifacts that Dawn'll be bringing me," he said dryly. "Since she'll be taking some of the power sources to another realm."

Buffy nodded. "That could work."

"That world was cursed back to about Middle Ages tech," Dawn told her. "But there's a name curse. You're a queen, I'm a princess, and Xander there was a princess because all second born kids are princesses." Buffy spluttered and choked. "But he was the son of a warlord."

"And they have the same demons that the hunters are dealing with," Xander said dryly. "But that me is married to a priest who hates cuddles. They even fought off Glory."

Buffy wiped her face off, staring at him. "How did they do it?"

He grinned. "They just discovered their Stargate neighbors. You were up there with a few others to handle the problem they were creating and send her through the gateway." He smirked. "Then shut it down when she tried to come back. Boom, no more goddess. She met some nice soldiers...." He trailed off with a grin. "That Dawn is presently learning how to protect herself too."

Buffy nodded. "Great. Can they dress her in the froofy dresses?"

"The you there wears the same sort of trashy club hunting outfits."

"Pity." She looked at Dawn. "If you find someone, bring them home. You could use a nice boyfriend I'll let the slayers steal."

"Yeah, right. Like I'd let a good boyfriend go."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "I still think you're a virgin and I'd better never be an aunt."

"Suck it up, because I do," Dawn quipped back, making Cable and Brad choke on air. "And I'm damn good at it too." She grinned at her sister. "Too bad you're not as good as I am at it, Buffy."

"I do just fine," she shot back, scowling. "I never get any complaints."

"That's because most of yours are only one night stands," Xander shot back. "A lot of Dawn's at least stay a weekend."

"Dawn's last one was a minor sorcerer who I had to help depossess that way. He needed a magical funnel to take the demon off him and put it into a jar. Apparently I have a magical funnel."

Wade looked at her. "You're kinda naughty."

She grinned and nodded. "Yes but I demand some fun things like going out. Buffy you can just tap in any old closet."

"Hey!" Buffy complained. "I'm not easy! I'm fun but not *easy*."

"I can go get those kissing statues," Xander offered.

She stared at him. "No thanks," Buffy shot back. "I know they were trying to prove the statues made them gay but damn. Kinda sore afterwards." Xander just grinned at her. "Though nicely non-stressful that week while I soaked out the soreness." She got more coffee and came back to the table, looking at Bruno. "He's very comfy."

"He's a good boy most of the time," Penny assured her with a grin. "He likes his cuddles."

"Mom snuggles are great for kids," Buffy said. "That's why I had a guy who wanted me to be his mommy and spank him. And I kinda freaked out because I'm not into spanking kids for being bad." She sipped her coffee with a frown, shaking her head. "I have no idea why he wanted that."

"Thankfully no one's asked me for that," Xander quipped. He looked at Dawn. "You go get that one?"

"Yeah, and help him set up better protections. You get yours by tomorrow and talk to Stark?"

"I can do that. Shoo. Go. It'll take you longer than me calling a bank in LA." She nodded, going to clean up in the bathroom then head to the Sanctorum. "Let me go to Stark. Wade, can you let Buffy check out your swords? She needs a different style than her short sword, it's too short for her reach." Wade nodded he could do that. "Good. Penny, pack ahead." She rolled her eyes. "Not sure if we can change money over to get diapers."

"He's doing okay with potty training. It means he can run around in his favorite big boy panties and his daddy's t-shirts." Brad nodded with a grin for her. "You have fun with Stark."

"I'll try." He gathered things and headed out. Thankfully it wasn't that far away. He walked through the entry of the tower, waving at the guards. "Super bad shit, guys. Prophecies already suck." They let him up to the meeting level area but he diverted to the lab thanks to the AI. He walked into the lab, making Stark flinch. "Got intel from a realm that already had Thanos show up but he was weaker there." He put the stuff on the table in front of him. "There they could only banish him. I have a memory cube for the other one that we know about." He put that one down too. "The first one has everything on their battle, including the weapons they managed to build."

"Thanos?"

"Purple guy, Stark."

"Oh, him. How bad? Immortal right?"

"Yup. Five stones, gaudy glove, we're working on a plan. The slayers are going off realm completely this time because he's going to snap and destroy half of everything." Stark frowned at him. "Like literal snap. Finger snap."

"Shit."

"Yup. Animals, cute puppies, people, fish. Everything."

"Super shit." He got into the memory cube first. "How is this one on our scale?"

"About the same." He plugged it in. "This one of me has a special ship, barely any magic, and called in some help from the friends he made in Africa. That is a hell goddess," he said with a point at the frozen picture. "That one is possessed by another one." He let it go. "That is an ascended demon that the first goddess brought as a toy." He let it play.

Stark stared, mouth dropping but him swallowing his spit. "Fuck me."

"Yeah, he will. He'll fuck everyone."

Stark looked at him. "So that's what we're facing."

"Yup. And that's in Wakanda."

"Which we can't get to," Stark said quietly. "Oh, fuck. It's too early for this."

Xander grinned at him. "We have four months. Total. It's so bad we have aliens coming to help us."

Stark winced. "How bad will ours get?"

"Well, you're holding a young guy that one of my girls goes to school with named Peter when he turns to dust." Stark stiffened, staring at him. Xander stared back. "Amanda got assigned to him on her first day there." He grinned. "They're chemistry and history class buddies and she brings him for sparring sometimes."

"I thought maybe they were flirting."

"No, Amanda's pretty sure he's got a girl on his dick's mind or Ned, maybe both." He shrugged. "Amanda's not interested in a guy that has a tougher life than she does. Though she does like flirting with Frank Castle when she runs into him for some reason."

Stark shook his head quickly. "So damn weird." He got into the other files. "Okay, that's research." He got into the weapons plans. "What does this one fire?"

"High energy balls. The me there, Xander Lokison, was one of the seven that lost physical form and it killed five gods, and he was weaker than the one in Wakanda. Which has a hidden stone."

"I ...shit."

"Get someone to tell them. Please? Before they have a huge problem?"

"I can do that. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe Coulson." He went over those notes, looking at the kid finally. "Can we kill it?"

"No."

"We can drive him off?"

"Yeah, we can. And we need to snatch the soul stone if he finds it. Completely one objective because if he makes people go bye-bye, they'll be trapped in there. May be retrievable but not sure. Myths state both ways."

Stark grimaced but nodded. "Yeah. Okay. How?"

"I'd suggest magic and telekinetics in a hidden back line so they can't be attacked."

Stark nodded. "Yeah. That's not a bad plan. Okay. Four months? We have a firm date?"

"We have oak trees so far into fall that the pretty leaves are falling off. You're wearing a sweat suit. You just told Pepper about a dream that you two had a kid named Morgan."

"That's a timeline I can think of." He flipped through the other stuff. "Shit. This is bad."

"Yeah, this is horribly bad. Which is why the visions gave me a two day migraine the first time. Last night's was a plot via prophetic dream. Which Penny got too. Including me sending Bruno off instead of anyone else."

"I'd do the same thing." He looked at him. Clint came in. "Intel on two other battles against Thanos."

Clint came to look. "We have one stone here."

"In Loki's staff," Xander agreed with a nod. "The mind stone if I'm right. Dawn will probably be stealing it to go off realm with it."

Stark nodded. "Yeah. I can go with that plan. Is it staying there?"

"Probably not. She'll be hiding in a realm that was cursed to middle ages times. Your people there are a knight conglomerate board running an area. Mine's the princess son of a warlord who ended up taking over and is married to a priestly demon hunter."

Clint shook his head quickly. "Weird."

"Yup but he has fun sometimes." He looked at Stark again. "Dawn has to help set up a bigger protection and then she's heading."

"I'll gladly let her take the stone and hide it somewhere there."

"It could cause problems if their higher demons get it. So it'll be a go and then come back."

"We can hide it after that," Clint agreed. He watched that battle, frowning. "Is that a demon?"

"Hell goddess. Xander there asked one if she'd show up. She captured an ascending demon during his last rite to bring with her just in case. He helped a lot."

"I can see that." He frowned. "Do we have any doing it?"

"Not that I know of and the next eclipse is after the probable battle date in four months."

"Shit." He looked at him. "We sure?"

"Late fall, all the pretty leaves were falling. Stark was wearing a sweat suit in the park with Pepper, who was wearing fallish clothes too. Clearly Central Park because a statue they walked past is there. He had a nanotech suit."

"I'm months away from that," Stark said dryly. "I need to get to work faster."

Xander leaned his hip against the table. "There have been two battles I wanted ass plugs for. One was the First Evil's battle, where we were inside the hellmouth seal against thousands of super vamps. The second was an invasion event in Africa when I didn't even have an army there and the few people I had talked into it weren't going to be much help. This one...even the vision made me want to reach for a plug and the lube bottle. Especially if we don't win. Because certain higher ups will use that snap to get rid of some of the slayers they don't want around."

"And you," Clint said.

"And possibly me," Xander agreed with a nod. "And Bruno, so I'm super for sending him off earlier."

Clint nodded. "Yeah, me too. I love the little Mini Wade." He went back to the plans they had. "This sucks."

"That does," Xander agreed with a nod. "If we have a few of the stones, we have a backup plan. We need the soul stone and it's off world. The only time we'll be able to get it is during the battle."

Clint nodded, grimacing. "What did Cable say?"

"We went over the prophetic dream Penny and I both had last night and came up with a better realm than Forger's. They've got most of you but they might be hitting it soon. He's good but he's more an anti-demon hero." A small tape fell from the ceiling so he caught it and handed it to Clint to run. "Hmm. That's a Stark kid," he said with a grin when the video came up. "And that's a Stark kid firing a weapon at Thanos. Hmm." They watched as they fought it and then she summoned it. "Oooooh." Then a portal happened to evacuate the Stark kid and a few of the stones. "That is Xander Lokison's realm. But their Dawn has multiple magical sources. Ours doesn't."

Stark grimaced. "She's a cute kid."

"She's your oldest and has multiple patents. Is graduating college at fifteen. Loves animals. Frustrates you to no end because now you know what a female you would be like."

Stark tried not to grin. "I'd be pretty badass even as a girl. Those stones?"

"Yeah, those were the stones. But that Dawn has multiple forms of magic and ours doesn't. Ours also has to be removed because she's a lock on some of his powers thanks to the Red Menace."

"I forgot about that," Clint admitted. "Shit."

"Yup. She's going to the cursed princess' realm."

"We can work up a plan and tell the others," Stark said. "Including warning Wakanda."

"Let Natasha," Clint ordered. "She can be diplomatic."

"Go for it," Stark agreed. "Run it by His Bitchiness."

"I can do that too." He walked off. "Thanks, Xander."

"Welcome." He looked at Stark. "I can't be of much help but I'll be there. Give me a heads up when it's the day if I don't get a sudden vision."

"I can do that. Thanks." Xander nodded and left. Stark groaned but went back over the information they had. It was really stupidly horrible. "Maybe I can send Pepper with Dawn. Pepper can probably do magic with all she does every day."

***

Dawn walked into the Sanctum Sanctorum. "Hey, Wong. We've got super huge problems. Can you get His Crankiness here?"

"He's at a meeting," he said, staring at her. "What sort of problems?"

"Huge problems. Like...Thanos problems." Wong winced but nodded. She sat down on her usual waiting couch. "We'll need to up the protections."

"We've barely managed to rebuild," Wong complained.

"Yeah but without it, it'll be a smoking wreck. And so will you guys. So yeah, protections." She grinned.

"Wonderful. I'll let him know and pull down our protection rites scrolls." He went to do that. Dawn looked amused at something so it had to be bad.

Stephen stomped in looking displeased. Then he spotted Dawn and stared. "This is probably not good news."

"No, it's not," she said, getting up to walk over to him, staring up at him. "I'm here to help you set stronger protections. You have four months until Thanos gets here. And I'm taking the stone to evacuate until he's left."

"I cannot let you do that."

"Then you're going to have a lot of problems when he stomps the Sanctorum and you. All of you." He stepped back, looking horrified. She nodded. "You have an eternity stone in your locket, Stephen. I'm taking it, the other two down here, and leaving to another realm once your mess of closets and people are safer. And I'm going to use one to store my own protected artifacts until I get back." She held up the bag she had carried with a grin. "We have four months to build your protections so strong it'll hold against intergalactic threats who are willing to do anything to kill you and take the stone."

"I have to protect it."

"You will be. I'll be holding the stone on another realm. The demons there might want to get near it but I'll have a lot of help."

He licked his lips. "The protections are strong."

"No they're not and they're loud. We need them to be airtight, subtle, and unbreakable. Make the house unsearchable by aliens. Make it impenetrable unless you allow them in. Even Kaecilius would be a worthy help against Thanos."

"You could help us fight."

"You forget, Willow locked him to my heart's blood."

"Oh, dear."

"Yup." She grinned. "So, your protections? We have to get the full sorcerer's group into them probably. The sanctum can hold them all?"

"We can," he agreed. He considered it. "This is horrible beyond normal methods."

"This is horrible beyond earthly methods," Dawn corrected, grinning at him. "Xander hasn't wanted a butt plug for many battles but he's already looking for a good one. We're blatantly fucked if he gets all five stones. And the important one is off world." She looked up at him again. "This shit totally sucks. In every measurement scale. But if we don't win and he does, half of everyone goes in a snap of fingers."

He considered that. "That would take a different stone."

"Which is off world and we'll have to get during the battle." She touched his amulet. "If we have the time stone," she said with a tap on the cover. "If we have to it's a backup plan."

He nodded, laying a hand over it. "That I can agree with but it's my sacred duty."

"Then send one of your people with me to guard it. I'm going to a realm that has a cursed life. And higher hell spawn demons. The me there is actually a princess."

"So is the you here."

She smirked. "I'm not that bad here, Stephen. I could've followed in my sister's footsteps and became a real princess."

"Please don't." Wong came out with the scrolls they needed. Dawn pulled out the ones she had worked up for her protected areas. They could combine them and others to protect the important things. Doing so early meant they could find any faults and set extra ones on top without wearing themselves out for the battle. Especially since some would take seriously strong sex magic to set. Stephen looked then sighed. "That requires a virgin."

Dawn pulled out a vial and waved it. "Sex knowledge be gone?"

He took it to look at. "There's potions for that?"

She grinned. "Not around here but yeah I looked some up through another of us. They use it for arranged marriages." She leaned back over the table to point at a rune on the other end. "That one will take earth magic it looks like." She smiled at Wong. "You have that, right?"

"Myself and two others in the order."

"Good." She grinned. "We can all do this if we have to." She looked back at the staring sorcerer. "Do we have enough for a full conclave of working?"

"We are three short, I believe," he admitted. He put the precious vial into his desk and shut the drawer. He came back to look. "Yes, we need three more sorcerers."

"I can fill in one spot. Tara...I'm not sure if she can or not. She'll be helping the coven hide itself I'm sure. There's the mages group in town you can ask at."

"I know of one of them," Wong said. "They could help."

"Even a banned former member may help," Stephen said. "This one is marked as Judas spot." Dawn looked and nodded, standing up and getting out of his way. "They wouldn't have to betray us, just be a non-member and hate most of us probably. Unfortunately Xander let the one I would ask be taken by his debts."

"Xander's really strong in the defense of the slayers," Dawn agreed. "I'm surprised he didn't destroy all of you for that." She looked at him. He sighed but nodded. "And you still haven't apologized."

"He did not allow it."

"Write a letter? Do you want to die with that on your conscience? You might have to haunt the slayers if you do."

"That may be a nasty fate," he decided but smiled. She grinned back. "I may have a person to help me."

"Hey, if that's who you want. That potion will work on anyone with magic. You'd be responsible for that part so up to your choice really." He nodded, looking over the runes again. She looked at Wong, who grinned at her. "I'm figuring you're going to be the north pole here, Wong. All those acting as the north would gather around you."

He nodded. "That would suit me. I can fulfill that duty. It will take some study as I know not much about ritual magic."

Stephen patted him on the arm. "You're more than great enough to do that."

Dawn grinned at him. "I know a few books. I can get them from Cleveland if we have to. Also, Giles is a sorcerer."

Stephen smiled at her. "That may help. And Ethan Rayne.... Harris knows a few."

"I'll talk to him in a few. He's warning others with what we found out about the battle from other realms."

"That's reasonable for his duties," Stephen decided. "Go rest, Dawn. We'll make sure your artifacts duty is safe later when we go over the inventory."

"Sure." She went to lay down on the usual couch.

Stephen looked at Wong. "Call the others together?"

"I have already sent out a summoning." That got a nod and they gathered what they could. They would talk to Stark later for the full depth of horrors they'd face.

***

Xander walked up to Maria Hill, staring at her since she was in the mall. "I got intel on the upcoming problem from other mes," he said quietly. "And it's horrifyingly bad." She grimaced. "No, like butt plug bad." He walked around her. "Talk to your boss, Hill."

"I can do that. Thank you." She frowned at his back. "That's not our Xander." He shot a grin at her but winked and jogged off casually. "That's not our Xander," she said, going back to the tower. Stark was waiting on her. "I just saw a not-our-Xander?"

"Forger. His world is about to hit this same roadblock for humanity too. We copied stuff for him." He held up a still from the first tape. "Stupidly bad."

She took it and frowned. "Who are those warriors?"

"Wakanda. They have a stone."

She winced but nodded. "I can reach out and touch someone that way." She walked off. "You're briefing us all?"

"Tonight. Call a meeting." He walked off to get something for his stomach. He had the sort of heartburn only superheroes got. Mylanta wasn't going to help with this. Hell, tequila wasn't going to help with this.

***

Hill looked at the people. They all had things to nibble for stomach helping thanks to Pepper, who was sitting in. "We've all briefed you that we have an upcoming problem with an unknown date. Named Thanos, or that big purple guy." A few nodded. "Now we have an idea of a time frame, and we have information thanks to Harris and his extremely weird convention with other hims." She started the first film. "This is one from a nearby realm, one with a Stark daughter that had gotten pulled into it." She got out of the way.

Strange held up a hand so she paused it. "Who are his minions?"

"The Black Order," Thor said from his seat. He had just barely gotten back that morning after saving Asgard. "I asked for information on him when I was home." He tossed the tied scrolls onto the table. "We need the stones to fight him."

"We need the stones gone so he can't get them," Stark corrected. "Otherwise he takes out half of humanity." He tossed over the vision from that morning.

Thor read it over, frowning. "That...that snap is something he's desired and done in other places," he admitted. "Though usually through war instead of powers." He looked at them. "If we have the stones we can prevent him."

"If they're here, they can be taken from us," Stark noted. "Can you honestly protect them from him getting one? Or any of us?"

Thor scowled. "If they're here, we can use them against him." He looked at the sorcerer.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "I looked at the possible outcomes. As long as we can get to them as a backup plan, we can stop him and drive him off. We can't kill him. In no possible outcomes was he killed." Thor slumped. "We can drive him off and only two of the possible fifty positive outcomes had us with the stones. We are planning on getting the ones he's got from him at that time. Including the soul stone."

"The soul stone has *got* to be gotten," Stark agreed. He stared at him. "Harris?"

"And Dawn," he agreed with a nod. "Dawn is working on the protections of the Sanctorum with us so all that I keep quieted doesn't get out to help him." A few slumped. "Then she'll be guarding things. The slayers are of no use in this battle. They could battle aliens, but they're too powerful for regular magic or swords."

Cable cleared his throat. "I went over what they could do, and I fully agree. The slayers are all being evacuated off realm to another Xander's realm. Along with some of the Devon coven to protect them. We're getting a few staying," he told Strange.

"That could be helpful. Have we talked to the holders of the hidden one?" he asked Hill.

"I did. They're not amused."

"Nor are any of us," Strange agreed. "Can they guard it?"

"No. I put him in touch with Dawn, who told him the plan they already had going. They won't evacuate theirs but they will put a higher level of guarding. Including talking to a few people that helped Harris down in Africa since they're used to battles that will kill humanity." She leaned against the wall. "We need to get plans made for who goes to the battle, in what order, and how we can snatch the stones during it."

Cable looked at the Professor. "Xavier, you have some battle cleared telekinetics."

"I do," he agreed, frowning. "And I agree with that plan to put them in a protected back line to work to get the stones from him. What would we do with them?"

"Bury them suddenly," Stark said. "Just use any hole and cover it up. From what we've seen, he can't summon things so he'd have to have someone dig it up."

"Which is a limited area to stop someone," Cable agreed with a nod. He leaned his elbows on the table. "This looks to be a stupidly fucking evil battle on the likes that we've had with Apocalypse in my timeline. You do what you have to do. Some of the slayers have volunteered to stay to protect that back line since they won't be much good in the main battle."

"Where swords or axes or magic would be the most help," Steve Rogers agreed with a nod. "How many volunteered?"

"So far three in the local house. Xander overruled one because she's sixteen." Steve nodded at that. "Penny and Bruno are in the first line going. We all worried about him."

"I would too," Stark agreed, swallowing. "Bruno's special to a lot of the slayers." He considered it. "Harris?"

"In the battle," Cable agreed. "Either guarding or jumping in to lead an area with the people he fought beside before."

"Which is reasonable and they're used to working with him," Steve Rogers agreed with another nod. "And he can use higher weapons."

"The slayers know how to use artillery," Cable told him. "Xander made sure of it and we went behind his back to make sure they understood." He grinned slightly. "They're mean girls sometimes."

"They can be," Clint agreed from his seat. "What sort of weapons are they using, Hill?" She restarted the film for them. "That Stark kid is pretty damn good with weapons. Can we get her?"

"She's fifteen, Hawkeye. And on a walker. We were told she got shoved to that realm by accident and had to handle it like a real Stark."

Strange frowned when he saw that Dawn. "She...."

Clint cleared his throat. "I know about that Dawn thanks to talking to the me in her realm. She has more of those things that make her special." Strange winced but nodded quickly at that. "Ours doesn't."

"That is reasonable." He bit his lip as Hill started another version of it. "That's a hell goddess. One of war and love if I remember right. And that is an ascended demon she brought to help." He frowned. "Interesting ploy."

Stark looked at him. "What would make summoning the stones easier?"

"Another stone or an elemental power that was nearly as strong," he said. "Which we do not have." Hill paused the tape. "In that first one, their Dawn had clearly been exposed to a stronger artifact than ours was. Or more of them at least."

"On that Dawn's world, their Xander is a god," Clint quipped. "And so is Coulson. And that battle was weaker than either of those, killed five gods, sent seven more out of physical form, and nearly killed all of us too." Hill put up those notes.

"Fuck," Cable muttered. "And he was weaker? We're sure?" Clint nodded. "You asked?"

"Yeah. I had Xander ask the Xander in his realm that fought in that one and had to help rescue the Stark daughter in the first video one. Theirs was weaker, had to travel by the hellmouth, and had a cult summoning him." He shifted position to look at Hill. She stared at him. He grinned. "What?"

"You're not our Hawkeye."

"No, yours is going over the details we have at our SHIELD about the battle. So he's basically being pounced by my kids while Grandma watches them for a few hours of stress relief." He grinned. "That one," he said with a point. "We were in. We couldn't destroy the stone, but we could destroy the physical shape he forced it into. Like the tesseract being square? We could destroy the square but the elemental magic stayed."
He looked at Strange. Then he looked at Stark. "Yeah, your spawn? Super Starks with Summers mixed in." He grinned. "Sometimes your daughter swears more than her Aunt Dawn does. She has a Summers Woman step to her temper when things happen and just goes to weapons and fuck this shit. She keeps forgetting she has common sense."

"How did I get kids?" Stark asked, sighing at the end.

"NID made her from Buffy." He smirked. "It was a plot to get super warriors. Then we at SHIELD found out about Gods. True old Gods. We had Thor but then Thor's nephew showed his ass. And we ran into Ares, ours not yours. Like the original one." Cable shuddered, shrinking back some. "He's married to our Loki and they're in constant competition for who's on top and whose plots win out. Plus sometimes they screw loudly enough that it makes Cupid run and hide." He smirked at him. "Our Xander is the Protector of Humanity. He does the same stupid, self sacrificing shit yours does. Yours gets it naturally."

Thor shook his head. "I met that Xander when he warned us about the pheromone serum."

Clint waved a hand with a grin as he said a word in Norse. Thor shifted and moaned. "We had Lavelle, another Xander, with a shot to turn that on, Thor. He hit Richards and a bunch of warlords. On purpose for fun." He smirked. "Your Xander, he's pretty decent and calm. Our Phil works too often and can't screw the bad ideas out of ours."

Cable stared at him. "Damn."

"Hmm." Clint grinned at him. "He trained our Dawn to protect herself before she took any self defense training or got hooked up to be Stark's assistant. We all learned how weird those ones were, and formal dinners are a pain in the ass that last forever."

Thor nodded. "Yes, they are. We hate them when it's just Asgard having one."

Clint reached over to swat Thor on the arm, making him change into Loki so Clint could grin at him. "You're not half as slick as ours is. And you squeal less." Loki glared at him. He smirked back. "Where's Thor?"

"Taking off to warn the people where the soul stone is." He looked at Hill. "All of Asgard that still remains is behind you in this battle. We narrowly defeated Hela but we will gladly help protect against her boyfriend."

Hill forced a smile. "Thank you, Loki. Why did you appear as your brother?"

"None here would trust me." He shrugged but smirked as he leaned back in his chair. "The Dawn here may be able to summon *a* stone but it will burn her out and possibly kill her to do so." He looked at Strange. "She is an adequate guardian for yours."

"Thank you."

"That plan will be the most helpful. Though, if he gets the soul stone, it takes a sacrifice." He looked at Stark. "The mottled group of idiots that may show up to help, and found another stone for it to be moved to safety, will be fractured if he gets the soul stone due to that sacrifice."

Stark nodded. "Got it. Any other wise notes?"

"The first one was weakened by something."

"Ours is presently partially tied up by Dawn's blood and a witch's curse," Strange said. "Would that weaken him much?"

"It will weaken him using the gauntlet, not the stones. He can wield an individual stone. As he did when he made the staff he gave me." He tipped his head at Hill. "Getting more than one will make him connect his energy to the gauntlet and doing that is what she locked him away from."

"So, using them singly," Clint said, considering it.

"Still means power," Loki warned. "He just can't use them in concert and the soul stone is the dangerous one." He looked at Xavier. "You know those who have the gifts to steal it. Do use them as fast as you can because if he kills with the soul stone in his possession, they are entrapped in it forever to power it. The more souls, the more power he can pull from it."

"So like ancient Aztecs," Steve Rogers said. He frowned. "Can we be sure he'll get it?"

Loki nodded. "Yes. The aliens will be fractured by their missing member dying. He can still do that disastrous snap but it won't be as powerful. Maybe it'll take a third instead of half."

Stark slumped. "Can we trust you to help us and not him?"

Loki stared at him. "You do not know of the things he can do with the mind stone, Stark."

"No, I don't," Steve Rogers said. "But I know what you did with it." Loki stared at him. Steve stared back. "As long as you help us because it's in your best interest, I'm all for it. No trying to steal them yourself."

"While power is addictive, that much power is problematic and means you have to defend it for the rest of your very short life," Loki said dryly. "It is not the power I seek to contain."

Steve nodded. "I get that. Thank you for that honesty. What about that Dawn girl?"

He grinned. "While she would be a...memorable enemy I do not wish that sort of stupid into my life," he said dryly. "She is much like her adopted heart brother Xander and he is not the one I want to battle against either. He has this way of winning things that are stupidly wrong for humans to win by some strange methods. Including two battles while naked. Not what I'd want to do while holding a sword on slippery ground."

Cable burst out laughing. "He had a nightmare about that one night and broadcast. I'd have hated that battle myself." He stared at Loki then at Rogers. "Even if he wants the power, fighting with Thanos wouldn't be reasonable to help his goals."

"I just don't want to have a battle after that battle to fight Loki."

"I will vow not to touch those stones. While it is ...addictive, I don't want to see what would come for it, or me, if I wield it."

"Thank you." He looked at Stark, who nodded.

"I can accept that vow. That much power does make you a shiny target." Loki nodded, relaxing. "We'll gladly accept the help. From any group that wants to help us. This is too big for just us." He looked at Xavier. "Can you tell your better half?"

"I wouldn't consider him my better half but I will inform him of this. When do we know he's coming?"

"Late fall. Xander's visions had fall colors in the park but the oak trees were leaking leaves," Stark said. "I was in a sweat suit, walking with Pepper in the park. He thinks about four months."

Xavier nodded. "That's a reasonable timeline to prepare. Would it be useful to hide some of the children?"

"If he snaps, it'll take half of everything no matter where they're hiding," Hill said. "Protect them from the idiots who'd take advantage of it to hit the kids though."

Xavier nodded. "That's another worry we have. Thank you. I'll call a peace event tonight. If I can have copies?" Hill tossed a big envelope down to him. "Thank you. Anything else I need to know before I warn the rest of my people?"

"It was suggested that Remy may have the best method or way of getting those stones," Hill said. "Or at least could lead that part."

He considered it. "He does have that gift, yes. I had not thought of that. It would be a good space and he could always jump into the front battle if necessary." He nodded slowly. "That would be a workable team up to lead that group. Thank you." He rolled off, going to talk to his people. He found Magneto waiting in a limo outside, thinking loudly enough to draw his attention, and went to get in with him. He handed over the file once he was hitched in and his wheelchair in the trunk thanks to the driver. They drove off. "It's bad."

He read it over, grimacing. "This one is powerful."

"That is a weaker version. The other two are battles with other versions of him. Both more powerful."

Magneto stared at him. "I heard it was horrible."

"Half of everyone gone if he snaps his fingers with intent."

Magneto grimaced but nodded. "That's horrible." He patted the file then looked at him. "Once more into the battles?"

"We all need to fall in. We're all going to be needed and there will be many deaths. The slayers are going to flee."

"They don't have the skills to deal with this. Killing demons with a sword is one thing. Killing aliens with artillery is another. The young women have a destined battle, Charles."

"I know, Erik. He does baby them."

"And yet, they've handled worse than this without notice. We could not have handled the invasion in LA."

"No, we couldn't," he agreed. "We would have taken much longer to handle it."

Magneto nodded. "This is not demonic and I do not expect them to jump in."

"Some will. Mostly to guard the telekinetics."

"That's a wise decision. A good use of their skills. By volunteer?" Charles nodded. "Good." He cleared his throat. "I did some research since finding out that I'm related to one."

"Three," Charles said with a smile. "Three of Pietro's many children are called as slayers. Sarah is one. One of the middle pack is. The one you met seems to rule the other children in the family very well."

Erik Leshner smiled and nodded. "I have a great legacy to live up to it appears. You should have had children, old friend."

"You never know what will happen," he said dryly, smirking back. "Are we going to the school?"

"Yes. My lieutenants are on their way as well." He relaxed, pouring them both some bottled sparkling water. "Here, you look like you have a headache."

"I do. Cable has quite the protections from me reading his mind."

"As he's from the future, perhaps he knows things we don't."

"He keeps censoring thoughts of Apocalypse."

"That may be why his timeline is destroyed. He is strong." Charles nodded. They drove up to the school, watching the scenery. When they got there, the driver got the wheelchair out of the trunk and held it so Xavier could transfer over. Then Erik got out to follow him inside, waving at his people.

Logan stepped forward. "What are you doing?"

"It's that bad, his hirsute friend," Erik said dryly. "Everyone is falling in this time." He handed Storm the envelope. "There's tapes of battles in there."

"From other realms," Charles told her. "Two different versions that are closer to the powers we'll be facing. We all must know and make plans for the battle. Remy, it was suggested that you'd be the one protecting the back line of the telekinetics we'll desperately need." Remy grimaced but nodded once. "You'll have some help from a few of the slayers." He pointed. They went into the living room to go over the first battle's film. Logan was shuddering in a corner. Charles looked at him. "Exactly."

"Yeah, we need to stop that. The others?"

"Yes, who can," Charles agreed. "Remy, we need to steal any stones he has managed to acquire. It was suggested stealing it and just burying it during the battle. That way we can prevent him from getting it back but it won't endanger us." He looked at him. "He won't have all five. A few are being moved off realm before then."

"Oui, stealing then dropping them into a hole would be safer unless we need 'em," he agreed, shifting his stance. "The kids?"

"Protecting themselves here. There are unfortunate idiots who would take advantage of it to harm the youngest mutants," Magneto said.

Remy nodded. "It's a worry. We can work that up. Logan?"

"I'll lead a battle unit," he agreed. "Cy?"

"I can lead A team," he agreed. "You lead B. Professor, Jean?"

"If she's healed," he agreed. "If not, I'll have her here guarding the children." That got a nod from Scott and a few others. He looked at Sabertooth. "I know you have informal battle units."

"I'll be leading us into battle," he agreed, frowning at the tv. "We'll be behind your two teams to cover the center." He looked at Logan. "You take left?"

"I can do that. Yours take left of center. One-eye, take right of center. Put other battle mutants in a team behind yours with whoever's leading."

"Could be Cable," Cyclops said. "He's been in battles."

Logan nodded. "That'll work and keep us taking out the powerful things that're going to get in the way of the main, center team of the Avengers and whoever?"

"That would work for my desire to not have to deal with this one," Charles agreed quietly. "I truly do not want this to go on but he's going to be here in about four months. Late fall by the visions."

Sabertooth looked at him. "The slayers?"

"Mostly leaving," Charles said.

"Good! They're not set up for this level of shit." He looked at Logan, who smirked back. "Some are staying though."

"They can guard the telekinetics with Remy," Remy said. "They can battle but bigger enemies won't freak them out. Plus some of the warriors down in Africa will probably be called on to jump in since that's not in the US."

"No, that's in a country called Wakanda," Charles said. "They're being warned. The Sorcerer Supreme was warned as well."

"He hides some horrible things," Logan said dryly. "We'd like them to not come out to help." He looked at Storm, who patted him on the arm. "We'll hopefully live through it."

"If not it's a good reason to die," she said. "We are not Klingons as Kara said, so it is never a good day to die, but sometimes it happens and we will go out as they do."

Charles looked at her then at Erik. "Harris made that rule."

He nodded. "It's true. There's no good day to die. It's always a problem." He looked at his lieutenants. "Let us watch the other one." That one got put into the player, letting them all see that battle. "Who is that girl?"

"A daughter of Stark from another realm. She got displaced to there so handled it as a Stark," Charles said dryly. "She's fifteen."

"Her father must've screamed for years," Cyclops said dryly. "But she's good with the weapons." He paused when he saw Dawn summoning the stones. "Can we...."

"Ours isn't that powerful and will be guarding a few of them," Charles said.

"Huh. Pity. Maybe Strange will be able to figure that out." He sighed and shifted his stance. "How long?"

"Four months. Late fall."

Cyclops nodded. "So we have time to train at least."

"Can he possibly not show up?" Sabertooth said.

"Probably not. He wants the stones and we have three of them on this planet," Logan complained. Sabertooth grimaced but nodded once. "We'd all like for Harris to be wrong for the first time." He looked at the bosses. "The lighter mutants can protect the city?" Charles nodded at that. "I'll let them know later. Maybe we can bring the vampire Hand members with us to help the battle. At least they'd die for a reason beyond being annoying." He walked off to call them to tell them to meet him later.

Erik frowned at Cyclops. "They did?"

"Someone turned some to get the slayers. Ninja vampires are stronger apparently," Rogue said from her seat. "Harris got a number of them gone and then turned a lot into statues." Magneto moaned. She grinned at him. "It helped save the girls."

"I'm all for that," he assured her. Then he looked at Cyclops. "Can you call the other teams?"

"Richards was at the meeting," Charles said. "So was a Hawkeye from another realm while our version got more information from their SHIELD. We even had Loki promise to help us with the battle."

"I'm with the girls who rate things on how big of a butt plug you need," Rogue quipped. "This is clearly a battle for the biggest size that you only see in dirty movies online." She got up and walked off. "Let me get my team together to start training now."

"You need the TK with me," Remy ordered.

She grinned at him. "Of course, and I'm stealing Russell for it." He nodded at that. She called him as she walked off to gather her team. Colossus showed up with X-Force to train with them. Cable was a badass that they couldn't beat in a fight. Deadpool too. So at least they had better warriors with them. And they could help Russell focus for the battle itself.

Cyclops looked at the dark mutants then at their leader. "We've heard rumors that someone was starting a Dark Avengers?"

"I can talk to them. Osbourne is an idiot but not suicidal. Logan's son might be quite helpful."

"He has a son?" Cyclops demanded.

Sabertooth nodded. "Yeah. Kid's an asshole with an attitude problem too." He shrugged. "He can sometimes back it up though." Logan came back. "Your son?"

"Can you tie him up in a closet? He's too over confident."

"It'll beat it out of him like it did us," Sabertooth said with a shrug. "Could be helpful too."

"Yeah, Daken might help. He won't take a call from me."

"Osbourne is making a Dark Avengers team," Erik said with a smile for him. "We can borrow. I'll go to them today." He looked at his people. "We'll work on training starting tonight." They all nodded. "When the ungrateful come, we'll handle that as well." He nodded at Charles. "Call out for me before the battle if you can."

"I will." They shook hands and Erik left with his people. He sighed, looking at his students, who all stared back. "This is going to be horrible. We will survive if we can." They nodded. "Start to work on training your teams, and train the children in how to hide and get away." They left him to do that. He reran the files to go over again. "This is going to suck," he muttered. "Worse than Cuba."



Xander woke up gasping. All that had been a vision. Shit.

He had to figure out how soon that was. He slowed his breathing down, not caring that someone petted his back. He looked back. Apparently it was a bad nightmare night because that was Wade. No Cable though. He checked the date on his phone then got up to take down the most detailed notes he could. Shit this was going to be bad. Worse than Cuba indeed.

"I don't care if it was a vision, lay back down," Wade grumbled as he hauled Xander back to bed. "Be a better unicorn."

Xander grinned and hugged him but went to make notes once Wade was out again. His first one was a call to Giles. "It's me, I had another vision in a vision." Giles cleared his throat and asked if it was as bad as the First Evil. "Yup, Thanos." Giles spluttered and clearly poured himself a drink. "You'll want the rotgut scotch, Giles." He sent over an outline of the vision. "That's the outline, I'll flesh it out in a few minutes." Cable stomped in. "Wade's sleeping finally."

"Good! Why aren't you?"

"Visions suck ass," he said dryly. "Visions inside visions suck ass exponentially." He printed it and held it up. "As you pointed out in part of it, you're better trained in tactics than I am. Give me a better idea?"

Cable looked at it and his natural eye went wide then he winced. "That's fucking horrifying. As bad as Apocalypse."

"He's coming in three years."

"Good to know." He walked off rereading to get into the information it had. "I want the full account."

"Yup, working on it now. Just don't let me fall asleep first."

Cable came back and moved the phone. "Let me read them." He put his natural hand on Xander's head and scanned the visions, wincing at it. "Fuck us all," he complained. "Okay." He knocked him out and put down the full vision then sent it. "Giles, I sent it for him. He's resting the headache before he does something stupid. Also, he left a part out." He hung up and hauled Xander up to toss him back into bed.

That had to be fought. Quickly. Wade snuffled and pulled Xander closer to rub against while muttering about Vanessa. Cable went to talk to someone who could handle a real war. "Castle." The guy looked up from his drinking. Cable sat down and put the vision in front of him. "In three years we have one that's just as bad."

Castle read it, grimacing. "Can we end it?"

"Yup. Some'll be easier. Dawn's part is good. It's workable. The rest...."

"Yeah, that'll be a war," he agreed, putting it back onto the table. "How soon?"

"Late fall. After Halloween. He's barely told Thor that he has to go save Asgard from his batty sister, Death."

Frank Castle grimaced. "That's really weird, even for Thor." Cable smirked. "Can we waylay it?"

"If we can get the soul stone from the planet it's on? Maybe. It'll take a sacrifice."

"I saw how he fixed it. Can he?"

"Maybe. Taking it from there will require someone else's sacrifice."

"Would he do that?"

"No. He has to help the slayers." Dawn appeared and walked over, looking calm and sleepy. "Dawn," he said with a nod.

She smiled and patted him on the arm. "I saw. Cordelia made sure of it. Yeah, I can do that. He's still immortal but you can cut off his head. Unlike Wade, he'll die." She patted Frank on the hand. "Use the biggest thing you can and just blow his head the fuck off. Get Heimdall to get you there so you protect Thor and his people. Before he finds Loki and kills him? We could probably use him if you fail." Castle nodded, finishing his beer. "Good." She looked at Cable. "Any other ideas?"

"How long?"

"Can I do it? It'll take a month to protect the Sanctum. To get that fixed? He's stubborn." She got up and left, taking a cab to the Sanctum Sanctorum. She had copied the vision for him. She smiled at the quiet. It was nice it was quiet. Her magic wasn't going to set off any of the protections or wake up Wong. Maybe she'd get him to protect them instead of her. She snuck up the stairs to the main bedroom, sneaking into it. Stephen really did sleep deeply for a guy who was under a lot of threats.

She sat beside him on the bed and reached for his amulet. He caught her hand, staring at her. She held up the vision. He scowled but snatched it to read. Then he sighed and went limp as he muttered to the Vishanti to save them. "I can help you protect them. But it has to be removed. Not for good but until he's gone again. As many as we can we have to move." She tapped the amulet's case while staring at him. "A choice is me to take it with the others and protect it off realm. In a whole other world that doesn't have any stones. I can take someone like Wong if you want."

"Wong was important to the battle," he said.

She nodded. "I know." She shifted to curl up some. "If you have someone else you want to nominate, I'm with that. But we've got to do the protections. You need a second in the ritual to do the higher level protections. I can brew the virginity potion and anchor the North with Wong."

"Do you perhaps like him?"

"He reminds me of a younger Xander. I'm not into brother fucking." He scowled but nodded, putting his head back down. "We have under four months and it'll take two months of multiple rituals to fully ward the Sanctuary. Want me to start on the warding patterns or would you like to help?"

"I will help at a reasonable hour. Let me get one last night of sleep?"

She smiled. "It's something all warriors want sometimes. And we never get." She stood up. "Let me go hit my usual couch. Your girlfriend did good according to the vision. Scared but she did good. I can brew enough of that potion for multiple works if we need it." She went down to the couch.

Stephen Strange, man who had more experience in weird things than he wanted to admit, groaned and covered his head with a pillow. The world needed to leave his people and house alone!

***

Dawn looked at herself then at the starting sorcerer the next morning. "I'm here to up the wards, Wong. I made coffee."

"Is it that necessary?" he asked.

"Yup. Because we're all fucked in about four months when the big purple guy comes." She pointed at the sheet of paper on the table. He looked it over and groaned, moving to make some tea. "Hot water," she said with a point. "I'm making biscuits too. We'll need food to go over the warding pattern and up it. It'll be huge, ancient rituals." She grinned at him. "Two months of magic rituals."

He hung his head but nodded. "That will be hard."

"The alternative is a snap that destroys half of everyone." She stared at him. "Which do you want?"

"Learning ritual magic sounds much nicer of an outcome," he decided, pouring water over his tea leaves. "The Sorcerer Supreme?"

"I woke him up with that charming news." She grinned. "You and I, we'll be handling the North end of the ritual," she said quietly. "It has space for a pole of support and a non member." He nodded, settling in to look over that vision again. Stephen came in scowling but handed him the rest of it. She smiled at him. "Biscuits are going in soon."

"Why did you make breakfast?"

"Because I never get to at home. Cooking for myself is boring and this is a great way to wear out stress before the PTB use this to take out most of the slayers, like they've been wanting to do. Or other beings use it to take advantage." Stephen stared. She nodded. "We know they will. Humans will go against Xavier's school. And possibly here. The slayers can't help much and will hate going into hiding again but we'd all die if Bruno was killed. Or if Xander has to save everyone by sacrificing himself to stop the soul stone."

He slumped but nodded. "Thank you for making coffee and breakfast, Dawn."

"Welcome. Wong and I can do the north end of the rituals. He's a strong pole for the Order to lean on. I can take the non-involved spot. Ethan can take the South non-involved spot if you ask him. He emailed me at five to let me know that he had been shown by Janus." He nodded. "Making that potion will take about four days total and I can make it by the gallon jug if you need it for her. There's seven possible ways of doing the rituals and six of them would require pain and self sacrifice but will shatter if the one that does that dies."

"I don't like that idea very much," he admitted. "I'll look them over. Wait on making the potion?"

"I can do that. We have time to figure it out."

He nodded. "That is the only saving grace at this moment." He sipped his coffee and added sugar. She had made it strong. Wong stared at him. "We need the protections upped anyway."

"In three years, Apocalypse shows up," Dawn quipped. "So just as bad."

"Which realm would hold them safely?" Wong asked.

Dawn smiled at him. "We'll use the Xander convention network." He shivered but nodded. She finished cutting out the biscuits and put them into the oven she had cleaned earlier. She joined them at the table, handing over a bag. "Mine from home so they can be tossed into a closet somewhere. That way they can't be used."

"We can go over the inventory later. I got gifted with that vision after you went to the couch," Stephen complained, sipping his coffee. She grinned. "It could be worse."

"Yeah, we could be losing everyone instead of half." She grimaced, staring at him. "We could be having all your nasties out and helping Thanos."

"Good point. Is there anyone who is skilled in ritual magic?" She shrugged. "You don't know?"

"I work with artifacts, not rituals usually outside protection ones, Stephen. A few banishings and funneling the demons into something. I've looked at the books but I'm not an adept at it or anything. You might ask Ethan. He's said he'd be willing to help after Janus showed him."

"I may." He considered it. "I'm not well versed in ritual magic either."

"Yes but you're the head of the order so it has to be led by you. The rest of us support and channel for you."

"I realize that. Do we have any information on it?"

"The mages group might and you could find the one you'll still need by the vision there."

"I'll ask them later." He finished his coffee, getting up to get more. He checked the biscuits but she got up to take them out and handed him two still warm ones. Wong got a plate with two too and the jam was put onto the table.

"From my fridge. It's pomegranate and strawberry."

Wong looked at her. "Are you pregnant?"

She pinched him on the cheek. "I've always eaten like this, dear. My sister used to ask me that weekly." He blushed. She kissed him on the cheek. "I think of you like I used to think of Xander, Wong. Relax. I'm not into brother fucking." He burst out giggling but it sounded nervous and he was blushing again. "Relax."

"I will." He got up to make some more tea then came back to fix his biscuits. They were so warm the jam melted and got gooey on top of it. Stephen did his own but Dawn got books to go over ritual spells and how you conducted them. She had to blush at some things but it was important they had to handle it. A few more people came in so Dawn got up to make more coffee, handing one of them a cup and pointing at the water for tea. She got an odd look. So she held up the vision. That got a mass groan from the new sorcerers. Wong looked at them. "We'll have to bring up better protections."

Dawn looked up at them with a grin. "Since my speciality is protections for artifacts.... and I can kinda do a few other things. If I was more powerful I might be able to summon something during the battle but I'm not." Stephen glared. "Seriously. Me in another realm did that." He slumped, shaking his head. "But she's got seven or so of the *special* things in her."

Stephen moaned into his coffee. "That poor realm."

"She has kids. Some went into them." She grinned. "Including a son who really likes kilts, ponies, and swords. Plus leather and velvet."

Stephen tried not to smile. "I'm sure he'll have much fun doing Ren Faire things when he's older," he said, trying to stay nice. She grinned and kicked him under the table. "Behave, Dawn, or find yourself in a closet."

"Uh-huh. That might protect me but I doubt it." She stared at him. "You really should read that book again."

He got up to get that book, coming back reading up on the Key. He figured out what she meant and mentally moaned loudly enough to almost be heard by normal people. Dawn was just grinning at him. He slapped the book closed and put it onto the counter, away from the mess. "Wonderful. Our overseeing beings will be pleased."

"They'll be pleased if we don't all die from it," Dawn quipped. She finished her coffee. "Guys, I made biscuits when I couldn't sleep." They got some and her jam, settling in to eat. When more came in, Stephen cleared his throat and told them what the problem was, making sure the vision was seen by all of them. Dawn waved a hand. "I work with artifact protection and I'm helping up the protections here. We're short probably one to two people by what I know of the protection rituals."

"What if we do a different type?" one asked her.

Dawn looked at him. "Then one of you has to sacrifice your life force to power them and if you die, they fall."

"Good enough," he decided. "The other ones I know of take higher level rituals." She nodded. "Where would we get things for that?"

"Well, if we go with one version I can make a potion for whoever he uses for the channeling duties, that way they fit the requirements." A few blushed. "There's another possible version we may be able to layer on top and that would take channeling but not that personal of energy. For that we may be able to drain some of Xander's hellmouth taint," she said, looking at Stephen. Who nodded while drinking coffee. She looked at them again. "I'll be dropping all the artifacts I have in safety in a closet just in case."

"Because if the one coming finds her, he can shortcut his desires," Stephen said. Dawn nodded at that but shrugged at the end. "We can put you in a closet."

"Then you're vulnerable."

"Point," he admitted. "We could send Wong to watch that."

She stood up to look at him. "Send him with me since you trust him. That way you don't worry during the battle."

He tipped his head. "I do trust your protections, Dawn."

She patted him on the arm. "Of course you do. But you're doing your sworn duty by being paranoid."

"I'll send one of the young ones with you. I'll need Wong for the battle," he decided. She shrugged but nodded. "Are there things there we should worry about?"

"Higher level hell lords?" She shrugged but grinned. "Wow, what a shock, demons," she finished sarcastically.

"Point. You have dealt with many of those." A few of the others were giving her odd looks. "Her sister is the senior slayer." Everyone went 'ahhh' and nodded then drank something. Stephen sighed, making more coffee and drinking some. "We will go over the wards today. We have options for rituals and about four months to get the work done."

"We can go over what you have and what I usually use," Dawn agreed, putting on more water for tea. "Plus the various methods in the books." Everyone nodded and went to the library. Stephen stopped her to stare at her. "I don't mean to usurp," she said quietly.

"You do lead well."

"Yeah, I had to learn in case I have to lead a slayer house some year. A lot of teenage girls are worse than a bunch of magic users usually." She went to get the protections she used to add to the ones they already had.

Stephen finished his newest cup of coffee, then followed along after refilling his mug. Wong got more tea and followed.

***

Wade woke up to a bad sight. Cable was in full 'fuck you' mode it looked like. Though no guns. "Did I fart and blow up the world or something? It's too early for that evil shit look."

"No, Wade. Go get coffee. Someone's had visions that showed how horrible an upcoming thing was and how to solve it." Wade looked at Xander then at him. "I know he's out of his body. Just go get coffee. We have four months until Thanos gets here and I need you to fill in for Xander's wacky plan spot so I can lock him in a closet."

Wade sat up with a groan. "Why?"

"Because the end step to save the battle would require a sacrifice, dumbass."

"Don't you dare volunteer," Wade said, glaring at him.

"Not me."

"Me?" he guessed. Cable slapped him on the side of the head. "Well, that explains that look," he decided, getting out of the bed. "He can't do that. He has some sort of gift that ends nightmares."

"He's so scary they flee from him," Cable said dryly. "Go get coffee. The girls are at school."

"Fine. Tell me how many times I have to die this time."

"Shut up, Wade!" Cable complained. "It's not you!" Wade winced but sighed as he went to the kitchen. Cable poked Xander until he got sent back from being nagged by Cordelia and Whistler. Xander blinked at him, frowning. "The downside of being a telepath is that I can read your visions," he said dryly.

"If it has to happen, it does. That's what we're all here for." He flipped off the other side of the bed, heading for the bathroom. "You'd do the same thing so shut the hell up." He slammed the bathroom door.

Wade came back with cups of coffee. "I brought coffee," he called into the bathroom.

"That's fine. Thanks," Xander called back.

Wade sipped his, putting Xander's on the dresser. He looked at Cable. "He's right, we'd all do it."

"He...."

Wade held up a hand. "You did the same thing coming back in time, Nathan. I'd do the same thing if I could because it's just that important. It's what makes us big hero studs." He stared at him. "Xander has things he has to take into account beyond what we do but all of us would do the same damn thing."

Xander opened the door. "I can make it take me later on. So when I fall in another battle it'll take me then." He stared at Cable. "You have to save the future. Won't help anyone if you're dead." He got his coffee cup and took it to drink while showering.

Wade nodded. "He's right but I'm going to start shoving anti-depressants down his throat." He finished his coffee while leaning on the dresser. "What did you want him to do? Curl up and swear because no one else will?"

"No!"

"Then we've got to come up with a way to get around it."

"I have one. I need a way to get Castle where he needs to be with a better weapon."

"The poker buddies probably can't," Xander called. "Or I would've already went there to stop him."

Cable sighed, looking at Wade, who shrugged back. "You and I could do it easier," he said quietly.

Wade nodded. "We could. Can we kill him?"

"Beheading would probably work. Or blowing his head apart."

Xander came out with soap bubbles on him. "It'd take a specially blessed weapon on the level of Thor's hammer. It'd also take split second timing to land on the ship from Asgard to stop him from killing Loki." He stared at Cable. "You don't have that and you can't use those sort of weapons since they don't fire and they're not knives. Can you please quit treating me like I'm an imbecile rookie since I've been doing this since I was sixteen?" He went back to his shower.

"When's your birthday?" Wade called.

"Never. I don't celebrate it."

Wade found Xander's license to look at, frowning. "He has it smudged out." He pulled it out to look at and the smudges stayed. So magic probably. He held it up. Cable shook his head. "Any idea?"

"July?"

"Not likely," Xander called.

"Shut the fuck up!" Russell yelled. "I'm trying to sleep in since I'm not being tortured by girls!"

"Fuck off and get up to go do pushups," Xander yelled back. "You have fifty of them to do before breakfast for being a mouthy little shithead!" Russell made a whining noise but did go to do those in the sparring room. Xander sighed, finishing his shower. He got out and Wade stole it before he could turn off the water. "Sure. Have fun." He took the empty mug with him to put on clothes around Cable being in his way.

Cable stopped him by grabbing him. "Who'll watch those girls if you're not here?"

"Dawn? Penny and Brad? Piotr?" He got free. "I'll do what I have to do, the same as we *all* do, Cable. It's the job as we know it. Having people who look up to us just makes it harder." He stared at him. "Not like they don't look up to you the same way."

"I can take him out."

"You can't use a sword very well. Or an axe."

"Your special one?"

"Not blessed enough."

"Damn it."

"We need mystical, dwarven created weapons. Which are rare as hell. The ones down here can't do that." He stared up at him. "What do you want me to do, sob?" he asked quietly. "I've been doing this shit longer than Wade has. Quit treating me like I'm an idiot rookie without a damn clue!"

"Fine." He stepped back. "You have a wacky plan."

"No, I have an idea. It requires saving Loki though. It requires Dawn falling into line and doing what she needs to. Which she will because she's got enough sense to never be a hero unless she's forced to. Unlike us." He walked around him while pulling on a shirt. "I'm making more coffee."

"I left a few cups but Russell finished and got some," Cable said. He considered it. Xander had him blocked so he couldn't read his mind. Wade's was in turmoil. So they were all thinking bad thoughts today apparently. Cable went downstairs to join the duo in the kitchen. "Russell, they're going to call you to work with X-Force this time. We'll need it."

"I can do that," he agreed. "I'm not that young. I've been training for that stuff." He stared at him. "I know I'm not your favorite person but I damn sure don't want to die from Grimace's uglier cousin."

"Actually Cable and Thanos look like they could be cousins if Cable was purple," Xander said dryly. Cable glared at him. "Really." He looked at the kid. "Battles aren't nice. They're not easy. Expect to puke afterwards. Get back to PT sooner because you need stamina for that sort of thing. Just like the girls do for more than patrols." Russell grimaced but nodded. "And quit being so mouthy before I cast a blessing to make you a holy warrior that'll never get laid because it's against the honor code unless you're married and no one marries holy warriors. It'd be like marrying a telepreacher who was poor."

"Eww," Russell complained. "Isn't that child abuse?"

"Nope." Xander grinned. "It'll make you a moral, uptight sort. They would consider that great with the way you swear."

"Fuck," Russell muttered but nodded. "I'll be less mouthy."

"Thanks." He got back to his coffee. Wade came down the stairs. "Did you remember to shut off the water?"

"Yeah. I did. Quit stressing about the bills."

"They didn't pay them yet again," Xander said dryly. "I have to. Plus the house payment and the electric."

Cable shook his head with a sigh. "They need straightened out."

"They and the PTB all hate me," Xander quipped with a wave of his coffee cup. "Every last one of them do. Even Giles and he was like a parental figure for years." He shrugged. "Frankly, I'm about minutes from walking off and if I didn't feel responsible for the girls I might've." He went back to drinking.

"You need drugs," Wade told him. "A lot of fucking drugs."

"Probably just make it worse," Xander complained into his coffee.

"He needs to eat too," Russell complained. "He didn't even try to deal with breakfast."

Xander looked at him. "You're old enough to make toast. And you're taking cooking lessons this summer if you survive."

"Yeah, fine." He slumped. "Can you make pancakes?"

Xander shook his head. "Don't have any mix. Someone stole it. Probably Dawn because she's been craving biscuits."

Russell pouted. "That sucks."

"Sorry, kiddo. We have real food. You can scramble a few eggs if you want." Russell looked horrified. "Hey, you gotta be able to feed yourself, kid. Not everywhere has McDonald's. For that matter, a lot of places are catch your own food to kill and cook it. I have a *great* recipe for scorpion gumbo." Russell looked like he wanted to puke. "And monkeys on a spit." He finished his coffee. Wade got up to make scrambled eggs, pulling Russell over to help him.

Cable leaned back in his chair. "My timeline has food issues that same way. You're damn lucky if you get enough." Xander nodded. "How did you handle big demons in Africa? This probably isn't the first immortal one."

Xander snorted, looking at him. "We usually had under two weeks warning, if we were lucky and had more than a 'oh shit now' call going on. I spent most of that time blackmailing and winning or stealing weapons and people to fight in it."

Cable slumped. "That sucks ass."

"Yup." Xander nodded. "It sure does." He yawned. "But that's reality."

"Maybe I want to be an X-Man instead," Russell complained.

"Hey, die young and in a battle," Wade quipped. "It's about the same thing only spandex rides up your ass if you're not wearing the right underwear." He paused. "If you wear underwear under it. A few I can't find a hint of thong so they're probably commando and letting it all swing. Not my way of doing it but you never know."

"They could be wearing the under armor stuff," Xander reminded him. "They're boxer briefs but wick sweat."

"I don't think Cyclops does. His suit's tight enough to see even that line. So unless he's got invisible ones, he's free ballin'."

"Eww," Cable complained loudly.

"Sorry, oh great one," Xander quipped. He looked at Wade again. "Then again, you don't usually wear a thong either."

"Jock strap only. Gives me some support," he said with a smirk. "Let's see what you'd do in spandex, Xander."

"Stripper's pouch." He grinned. "Jock straps hit me in the wrong spot and the cups never fit right." He looked at his mouthy, swearing protege. "We need to get you outfitted before the battle too. You can't really go into one in a ripped t-shirt and jeans unless they pulled you out of bed."

"Mate, I know I'm fat. This lard ass does not fit into spandex," Russell complained.

"We can start with camo or tac pants and work up from there," Cable assured him. "He's right. No one will respect you in that outfit." He looked at Xander.

"Leather," Xander said without having to look to see the looks he was getting.

"In Africa?" Wade demanded. "You'll sweat to death."

"It's light armor."

"We can find you kevlar. They even make normal people clothes with kevlar," Wade complained. He stared at his buddy. "We can find you all sorts of stuff with kevlar."

"It's too confining."

"And leather isn't?" Cable asked.

"No. I wore leather in a lot of battles." He shrugged. "I'll be sweaty anyway."

"Where did you get leather in Africa?" Russell asked, looking confused.

Xander snorted, grinning at him. "There are cows in Africa, and major cities that have stores and malls and all that shit. Plus mine were a special gift from a goddess I saved." He finished another cup of coffee. "I do need new boots though. I was going to hit the Army/Navy store for those next week if I ever get paid. Or maybe I'll just sue Giles for not making the necessary payments."

He considered it while nibbling on the toast Wade put into his hand. "Well, maybe I'll go ask an ex. He'd be helpful and he likes shoes." He tipped his head the other direction. Cable used his telekinesis to move the toast up to his mouth. Xander ate another bite absently while thinking about it. By the end of the piece of toast he was asleep on the table.

Russell shook his head. "He does that all too often," he said quietly. "His bosses are sack nibbling jackasses."

"He'd quit but it'd leave those same jackasses in charge of the girls," Cable reminded him. "Which is why they're doing this."

"I get that but they still need a bat to the head sometimes. Two of them tried to tell the slayers they didn't need an education because they were too weak to be good slayers and would die in a battle."

"I heard," Wade assured him with a grin. "Oh I heard. Penny made sure I knew they'd come for Xander."

"Pity for them if they do," Cable agreed.

Russell looked at them. "I thought you two might be boning but you keep napping with Xander and no boning noises. Is he just really quiet?"

"He's got a gift that means nightmares aren't as bad," Wade said, swatting the kid on the head. "It means we get sleep and he sleeps better when he's not alone too."

"Oh. I guess that's why the girls all pile in the tv room sometimes to sleep over." Cable nodded. "Huh. Is that...."

"Sometimes," Wade said. "Sometimes you're lucky and you don't have many. I don't know how Xander does it because I'd have so many from some of his battles." He finished up the eggs, handing them plates so he could sit down and eat. They had plans to make to lock Xander in a closet so he couldn't sacrifice himself. "Are we going shopping for ass plugs today or closer to the battle? We should probably go earlier so we make sure they're comfortable enough to use during the battle."

Cable looked at him. "You sure it'll be needed?"

"Yup. There's been a few locally I wanted one for." He stared at him. "You can't tell me you don't want one after seeing those battle videos."

"No, I can't lie that way," he admitted. He stuffed his mouth. "I can't see how it'd be comfortable enough to not distract you."

"They make tiny ones," Wade quipped. "Just barely holding your ass closed."

Russell looked at him. "Why?"

"You ever seen half of a planet coming toward you to kill you?" Wade asked. Russell shuddered. "Or those battles Xander had in Africa?" Xander grunted so Cable gently nerve jabbed him to put him back out.

"I saw that on tv, even though we weren't supposed to," Russell admitted, looking disgusted. "Yeah, that might take an ass plug. Is silicone easier than something like metal ones?"

"Definitely more flexible than metal ones. Comfort comes with sizing and texture." Wade ate another bite, looking Xander over. He looked at Cable. "Any other things he hid?"

"He was trying to get a last night's stand and asked Weasel where to go for it. Weasel tried to drop him off on your couch while we were destressing." Wade quirked up an eyebrow bone. "Xander fought it off but it took three hours out of his pre-battle night."

"That sucks. Weasel did try to get me to dick Xander down plenty of times. And Domino."

"Do girls watch gay guys like guys watch lesbians?" Russell asked.

"Yup, they can," Wade quipped. "Vanessa did."

"Huh. I need a girl like that some day."

"You need to man up before then and finish growing up," Cable said. "Until then you're just a boy and women like his wife or mine don't go for boys." Russell sighed but nodded.

"You've got a few years, kid," Wade reminded him. "You're not even old enough to date by the house rules." He smirked at him. "So you've got years of perfecting your skills with your hand and your pillows." Russell shuddered. "We all had to start somewhere, kid."

"I've seen porn," he complained.

"Yeah, that's not how it happens and girls hate a lot of that shit," Wade explained. "Nothing is as easy as it is in any sort of movie."

"That sucks."

"Yeah but unless you're paying for it, it's all complicated," Cable told him. "And messy."

"Very," Wade agreed. "But then so is life." He smirked at the kid. "You'll grow up and hopefully find someone at least decent enough for you." He heard a knock and got up to answer the door. "Yes, ma'am?" he asked. He recognized her from a time he had to rush in and grab a slayer out of a class to handle something huge that was trying to eat a daycare but it took a woman to kill.

"I'm Ms. Dershar. Is Mr. Harris not here?"

"Asleep on the table because we knocked him out. He hasn't slept in two days. Can the rest of us help him?"

"The people who are supposed to be supporting the girls aren't."

Wade grimaced. "Let's go to the office so I can call down there. Frankly, a lot of them are anti-Xander and hate that the girls are supported." He led her that way. She spotted Russell. "He's home schooling because he can't handle socialization at the moment. Xander has him doing some remedial work because the orphanage sucked." He dialed the computer to get Giles' computer. "This is one of the principals. She came to talk about the tuition." He got out of the way so she could talk to Giles while he listened.

The other watchers got mad about them going to decent schools but she pointed out that most of the girls were going to college. They had to have a life. They tried to argue with her. Wade leaned in again with a grin for them. "You know, since you're supposed to be doing it, Xander can sue you for all the things he has to pay for that you're supposed to be handling for him. Including the house's bills." He smirked a tiny bit. "For an ancient corporation you've managed the evil parts without the socially responsible cover stories.

"It's sad that three-quarters of the slayers flip in and out of here while you guys don't do a damn thing." One got huffy but Wade waved a hand. "I actually work on the girls' self defense skills and help them on harder patrols. What have you done?" The man got up to stomp off. He looked at Giles. "Xander's presently knocked out. We had to because he hadn't slept in two days due to the visions."

"Soon?" the principal asked him, looking up.

"After Halloween."

"Oh, good." She sighed and smiled.

"And most of the girls can't fall in. They can't really do anything about an intergalactic asshole who wants to kill half of humanity for shits and giggles. Thankfully, Xander has a plan."

Giles looked at him. "Have we heard that?"

"Buffy's up here somewhere."

"Oh, that's fine. We'll be told when?"

"Probably a few weeks beforehand like usual so he doesn't get bitched at for handling things. Like getting them to the castle, he got a whole lot of complaining that the girls could handle it."

Giles winced. "I remember."

"Now he's getting it for this one. Right now we're trying to set up battle orders. Your girls that volunteered will be protecting some back line fighters with distance weapons. That's their safest and most effective spot."

"That's reasonable. Dawn?"

"Will be guarding a few artifacts."

"Even better. I know she likes that work." He took off his glasses. "I shall check into all that mess, Mr. Wilson."

"Thank you. When can she expect the tuition payment?"

"Within a week. We're sorry that so many problems seem to happen about Xander's house."

"It happens when you're political," she said with a hand wave. "They seem like they are." She hung up and stood up. "Thank you, Mr. Wilson."

"Not a problem. Have a better day." She nodded, walking off.

Wade went back to breakfast. Sometimes pretending to be normal was okay enough and yet still caused enough chaos to make him happy.

***

Xander got a call that night, after he had woken up. "What's up?" he asked, staring at the budget guy. "I heard the principal of one of the schools showed up earlier about the tuition. Did it get straightened out?"

"We pay them directly."

"No, you tried to pay the closed down school but not the other two," Xander said, pulling up the paperwork to scan in so he can see it. "That school got shut down for the epidemic of sexual misconduct."

"The one that showed up earlier?"

"St. Augustine's. It's a good inclusive school. A few of the girls go to a science and math heavy school instead. The ones that went to the whoring school got mostly transferred to the harder school, except the one who couldn't pass their entry tests."

The guy sighed. "We send it."

"You didn't send it. You may authorize it but it never gets off someone's desk. And you also owe me for this month's payments for all the utilities and the mortgage payment."

"Why can't the girls go back to the house we used to rent?" he demanded.

"Um, did you not see all the attacks on it?" Xander asked.

"Well, yes."

"We can't shield that one with a fidelus or anything because it's attached to other buildings. And the address had been in the paper so it negated the protections."

"Oh, I see." He grimaced, looking at things on his computer. "It says we paid it."

"If so it never showed up in the Council's account up here. Or in mine." Xander pulled up a physical file of receipts. "What I paid for when the girls couldn't." The man winced. "I've put in for reimbursement for most of them."

"They probably want you to leave the Council, Harris."

Xander nodded. "I realize that. You guys have had a price on my head since I was seventeen. Still do," he said dryly. He leaned back. "Unfortunately, I'm not going to cave that way. I'll still work with the slayers. They need it because none of the ones down there do."

"I...."

"I go on patrols with my girls. Unless it's too dangerous and then I go by myself. Giles used to handle emergencies in Sunnydale." He shrugged and grinned. "We're here to support the girls into lasting as long as they can and being women while they do it."

"True. A few are still admiring the old ways."

"Which is why social workers show up routinely and then send me or the Sergeant a lot of girls to overload our houses."

"I had forgotten about her." He looked. "She's...her house was shut down?"

"I think she moved hers to the orphan's house because no one else was."

"I see." He considered it. "Yes, they're trying on theirs." He huffed. "It's not like we can take them back singly anyway."

"Especially not by law," Xander quipped. "And the older girls won't let you anyway." He shrugged again but grinned. "Could be worse. The girls are all about to revolt and leave the Council. Just like Buffy did."

"I..." He cleared his throat. "I can see why. Will you please send me that reimbursement file?"

"I've sent most of it up with the forms. I have a few from this month and I'm going to send it in the morning after I go grocery shopping."

"How are you affording this?"

"I can find minor mystical artifacts," Xander said dryly. "And sometimes I sell a few of them to people who like to use them to destroy themselves." He smirked. "It's taken out a lot of problems I don't want to deal with."

"That's reasonable I suppose. Fine. The upcoming problem?"

"Thanos. Infinity stones." The guy shuddered. "We've got a plan going. Three of the people that jump in up here are soldiers or former soldiers. They have the tactical training I only absorbed as I went. They helped."

"That's excellent. The girls?"

"Won't be here. They can't handle a battle against an immortal, intergalactic, genocidal menace with a tacky taste in jewelry."

"No, they couldn't." He considered things. Then he set up the payments, which got blocked by someone's program. "I have no idea what that is."

"Ask Willow if it wasn't hers. Or ask Cindy. She's got some computer skills but not sure how much."

"I can ask her just in case. Give me two days, Xander." He stared at him. "You are most unusual. And stubborn."

Xander blew a kiss. "Thank you for that compliment. It's a nicer one than everyone telling me I'm normal."

"You're not normal, lad. I'm normal. Rupert is mostly normal. You're anything but normal." He hung up and called Cindy to come look at that program. She was upstairs thankfully, sent by a vision that she needed to come help with things thanks to the Messenger Cordelia.

***

Cable watched Xander take a night off at Sister Margaret's, frowning at what he was seeing. The kid didn't drink that way usually. Wade checked his phone and groaned but stopped him from going over there. "What?" he demanded quietly.

"It's an anniversary. He's mourning."

"Who died?"

"His life. It's the anniversary of meeting up with Buffy."

"Oh, damn it."

"Yeah. The girls know he wasn't going to be home tonight." He watched the one guy who went to talk to Xander, but he seemed like he was being pleasant and wasn't going to stab him. That was nice. Xander wrote down an address for him so that was helpful too. The guy left happier. Weasel was staring at Xander, who shrugged and got another drink. Wade walked over, leaning over Xander's shoulder. "You need a ride home later?" he asked, staring down at him.

Xander looked back and up, staring at him. "Nah. The girls don't need to see this and Buffy's hellion sitting tonight." He took a drink. "I don't know why she doesn't have one of these for the night she was Called."

"Girls might not need it." He clapped him on the shoulder. "Should we call you an ex of some sort?"

"All out of the area again. Sucks but that's about usual." He took another drink. "I'll be fine, Wade. Thanks."

"Welcome." He patted him again and went back to the table he was sharing, having to get a new chair since Domino had stolen his. He sat down. "It's the anniversary of when he met Buffy," he said at her curious look.

"Oh, yeah. I'd want a night to think about that stuff too. He's been up here now for two years."

"He started when he was sixteen," Wade told her. She winced. "Yeah. He's on the X-Men scale of fighting for the idiots who hate them."

"He can hear you," Xander said in a sing-song voice. "Quit talking about me like I'm already dead please."

"Sorry," Domino called with a smile and a wave. "Need a lift home?"

"Nope. I'm fine. Thanks though. You can go hang out with the girls if you want."

"Nah. They're probably busy." She looked at Cable, who shrugged slightly. They watched as Xander finished up and left, looking pretty steady. Cable shook his head. The kid looked fine enough. Or they'd hear about a battle.

***

Xander was hiking home through a small, private cemetery when he ran into Buffy, who was glaring at him. "What?" he demanded.

"Why are you drinking?"

"Because this is the anniversary of the day I met you," he shot back. "Shouldn't I celebrate that event?" She flinched back. "Why are you out here? Nothing comes up here."

"There was a meeting we interrupted."

"Oh. Yeah I heard but it wasn't that important and the demonic mafia isn't going to bother the girls too much." He looked at the demon behind him. "Hey." He looked at her again. She was trying to subtly pull her sword. He shook his head. "Any other reason you're out tonight? The girls didn't need to patrol and it's a Wednesday so no good club hunting." The demon huffed. Xander turned to glare at him. "Shoo! I'm talking to her and I'll talk to you in a bit if you have something you need to talk about."

"We will make sure you don't have to mourn another year of hunting," he sneered, pulling out a gun. Xander hit him hard enough to knock him down and took the gun to look at, putting it into his back waistband. He walked off shaking his head. "Hey!" he complained.

"Wow," Buffy said. "Xander still has construction worker muscles." She walked off with a sigh.

"Go do Buffy things," Xander called. "I don't need a chaperone."

"Fine. Whatever. Just wanted to make sure you got back there."

He stopped to look at her. "Buffy, I have a huge tolerance. I could hold three cans of beer and look sober when I was three." She shuddered. "Having drunk parents can be that way. So I'm fine. You go do Buffy things. I'm going to go celebrate surviving another year. Okay?"

"You probably shouldn't be alone. You sound depressed."

He rolled his eyes then sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm not depressed," he said patiently. "I'm just not in the mood for all the shit you give me every single time we talk. I don't want to hear how I'm normal and it's good that I survived this long for being normal and doing the same damn things you do. I don't need that shit tonight. Go. Do. Buffy. Things." He turned and walked off.

"Am I that bad of a friend?" she demanded. He just waved. "Xander!" Someone caught her wrist and she turned to hit them but Logan caught her hand. "Oh, it's you. Am I that mean to him?"

"Yup. You pretty much ruined his self esteem. Maybe that's why he dates arms dealers." He let her go. "He's not doing anything stupid tonight so leave him alone, Buffy. Sometimes you gotta remember." She slumped but nodded. "Without being put down by others for remembering. Go have some fun. I've got some students on training patrol tonight." She pouted as she walked off. Logan watched where Xander had went. They really had to get the kid some stability in his life. Maybe someone could stick him to Deadpool and solve two problems with one mystical gluing.

***

Wade was sitting beside Xander's bed when he woke up, feet up on the end of it, reading a spank magazine. "So, who was the one you lost?" He looked up. "Cable thought it was a real girlfriend sort."

Xander sat up with a sigh, pushing his hair back off his forehead. "No. He's very wrong."

"So who was it?" Wade tossed the magazine onto the bed. "Miss September's cute."

Xander looked at it then at him. "Sorry, not my thing. She's probably not dangerous enough to want me and my wrists would die long before I got happy enough with the picture." He tossed it back.

Wade stared at him. "They make things to help with that."

"Yeah but I'm grossed out by synthetic parts of a whole that looks like some sicko packed a fleshlight with a cunt they stole from a victim."

"Point." He stared at him. "So if it wasn't a girlfriend, who was it?"

"Jesse was...he was my light. I knew him before I could talk. He was my go-to escape point and the reason I made it that long." He looked at his hands then at his buddy. "In all the universes that we convention with, only two didn't miss their Jesse and one was slightly normal because he made that choice and stuck to it even when it nearly killed him and the other one got turned instead." He stared at Wade. "What you got from Vanessa I got from Jesse, without the sex because he was seriously into girls like Cordelia."

Wade shifted, staring back. "So what happened?"

"Vamps were gathering people for the first apocalypse the team handled. They needed more numbers. When we realized he had been taken I demanded Buffy bring me to get him back. And we didn't. The next time I saw him I tried to get him to leave the Harvest attack and ended up staking him." Wade let out a shudder. "My very first one and it saved him from a life of killing because someone shoved him onto my stake," he finished quietly.

"Damn."

"I probably am but that was just a function of Sunnydale." He shifted to pull his feet up. "I know you think it's creepy I have that anniversary mourning but I let myself remember that night and mourn the next year of going on to make sure more kids don't become me."

"I...." He swallowed but nodded. "That's more hardcore than mine was." Xander grinned slightly but shrugged. "I know, we all have our traumas."

"Yeah, and they're all equally bad because what you went through I wouldn't be able to. We all handle what we have to do until we die of it. Or in your case you get blown up by the sun detonating and destroying the earth so you're vaporized."

Wade snorted, looking amused. "I hope not."

"Me too, that'd suck for you."

Wade rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to wait that long."

Xander smirked at him. "You know how you wanted to smash up drugs and run it into an enema for me? We can do the same for you."

"It's more fun to take them the regular way," he shot back. He stared at him. "When is your birthday?"

"None'ya."

"Fine. We could celebrate it. You're probably coming up on twenty-five or something."

"No, you missed a few years. Five years Africa. Three here. Twenty-one when Sunnydale fell in."

"You're nearly thirty!"

"Yeah. I'm the same age you are."

"Damn. You look good."

"It's all exercise and no sleeping I get," Xander said sarcastically.

"Could be." He shifted to cross his feet in the other direction. "So now what?"

"Usually I get up, nag the girls to go to school, nag Russell to do his schoolwork, then I manage to make food. And today's grocery shopping day."

"Penny did half of that and Russell's pouting because she said if he didn't finish this set of classes soon she was going to let the mini witches being trained by Rosenburg have him."

"That's mean!"

"It's the pregnancy."

"So is Halloween," Xander said with a grin.

"I've heard that Bruno's going as me." Xander just grinned. "Is it cute?"

"Very cute." He shifted again. "So you woke me up for that?"

"Yup." He grinned. "You needed to get up. We've got sparring practice and Cable's grumpy."

"If I get him down and noiseless I get today off, right?"

"Sure." Wade moved his feet so Xander could go shower and stuff. They got coffee on their way to the sparring room, where Cable was checking a gun while showing Russell how to do that. "Xander said if he gets you down he's going to Coney Island."

"Aw, man," Russell complained.

"If you're coming you've got to write papers on the science behind the rides and games," Xander quipped. Russell pouted. "The girls will be sneaking off next weekend. It's their weekend off. You can go with them if you ask them nicely."

"I can do that." He went back to the gun reconstructing, letting Cable check it for him. "Thank you for helping me."

"Welcome. It's a skill you'll probably need some day." He looked at Xander and Wade. "Sparring practice."

Xander nodded, working to stretch. When they started off, Russell got out of the way. The three guys were better than he was and he was in the way. But he could watch and learn. Xander did manage to trip Cable but walked off to get a drink.

"Xander," Cable complained.

"Dude, I just got up. I haven't even had coffee yet." He glared as he drank some water. But he did get back to it. He managed to stun Cable by an attack of kissing but Cable pulled back and swung at him with a smirk. "Fine, I have to be more sneaky." He got back into the sparring. And then suddenly he ducked and held his head, leaning against Wade's back. "Fuck."

"Vision," Wade said, waving at Cable. He tipped his head back. "I make a good wall. That bad?"

"Not horrible but bad." He went to lean out the door. "BUFFY!" She opened the door of the room she was using. "They're going to try to overthrow Giles by killing him and Faith."

"When?"

"Tonight."

"I'm there. Thanks." She looked at him. "Hangover? Are they spanking for it?"

"No and no. I don't get hangovers." He smirked. "Let me know if I have to pop down." She nodded, going back to her room to call Giles and warn him.

Xander went back to the sparring matts. He was shaking his head. "That's stupid of them."

"They're political and hating that things are progressing," Cable said. "You okay enough to keep going?"

"Dude, I've had worse and had to fall in for a real battle. You're kinda sweet and nice about that." Cable was almost looking amused but horrified. Xander blew a kiss and got out of the way, making Cable try to grab him. Then Xander got him down again, and moaning with the way he hit the floor. "Was it good for you?" Russell laughed, hiding it in his arm. Xander grinned down at him. "I'm going to Coney Island. Wanna come?"

"Hey," Russell complained.

"You can write the paper."

"Fine." He went to get a few things and come back to let Xander drag him along to do reports on how games and rides worked. Cable and Wade followed. Cable hadn't been. Russell kept Wade from moping about his memories of Vanessa here. Xander got to have some fun. Russell was making notes about the games and rides. When an officer came over Xander grinned at him. Russell held up his notes. "I have to write a paper on how they work. He's so mean I only have a week to write it."

"Just for that, we're going to the aquarium and you have to write a science paper on five of the species we see that day," Xander quipped. "For biology requirements."

"Gross," Russell complained.

"Just wait until the zoo trip," Xander said with a smirk for the pouty thing going on.

Russell looked at Cable. "Can you win the sparring match next time?"

"I would've today but I took it easy on him," Cable told him. He looked at Xander. "You actually got sleep last night. Why are you demented?"

"Sugar," Wade quipped. "He had funnel cake for breakfast." He grinned at the officer. "We're good boys usually."

"Some people worried about you being so covered up, sir." Wade pushed his hood off. "Oh. That's a good reason. I'll make a note so the others don't bother you four. Have fun, boys." He walked off making that report. He swore he recognized one of them. He looked back and realized the kid was a mutant who had been in trouble but apparently his new foster family were good enough to make him behave. It was nice the foster father had brought two gay military types to keep the kid in line if something happened too.

Russell looked up at the roller coaster then at Xander. "How do you learn to build those things?"

"Engineering classes. Or a computer simulation game."

"Oh, okay." He frowned but made a new note. "Did the officer think you were my daddy figure?"

"Yeah and he probably thought those two were together," Xander said dryly, patting the kid on the shoulder. "We get that a lot. It's why half the underground wanted me to dick down Wade for a good few months." Wade shot him a scowl but shook his head. "Roller coaster time." Russell groaned but followed. At least this one was one of the older, weaker ones that didn't have any loops or anything. He could probably handle that. Cable got dragged by Xander too. Protesting but oh well. He had to experience it too.

Wade waited, he had ridden those plenty of times. When Russell came off shaky he clapped him on the back. "That's what being in love feels like. So you can figure it out when it bites you on the balls."

"Good to know that's why Piotr's dizzy all the time recently."

"That's mostly because he forgets to eat. He's down to the comfy blanket form of love unless she goes totally naughty for him." Cable came off next with Xander following. "You good, man?" he asked with a grin. "We can sit for a bit until you're more steady."

"Please. My ears must be acting up." He sat down with a sigh. Russell did the same. Xander went to get something fried on a stick from a nearby stand and a soda. Russell moaned but Xander let him have a tiny piece and some of the soda. "You both need to eat better."

"Yup, we do," Xander agreed happily. "But I had seven servings of vegetables yesterday so I'm good for the next few days." He slurped some of the soda. "Tonight's probably potato casserole and taco meat however you want to eat it."

"You're out of tortillas," Wade quipped.

"We have to hit the grocery store on the way home anyway. I noticed we were out of eggs."

"We're in New York, in Manhattan, we can get things delivered," Russell said. "Including regular food." Xander stared at him. "For the same cost."

"We have to go to the big box stores to get food because the girls eat like a football team. No one's going to deliver eight dozen 3-dozen egg packs." Russell slumped, staring at him. "Yeah. We go through a ton of groceries every week. Which is why that's your math lesson this week, kiddo." He grinned. "We're out of eggs, cheese, milk, and bottled water. Plus another sixty things probably since the pantry was pretty empty last night."

"Can we afford to go to the grocery store since you were frowning at your wallet earlier?" Wade asked more quietly.

"Yeah, I've got that budgeted out. As long as we don't get any major expenses we're fine for another month of them being dicks and playing games. The girls might have to go back to home schooling though. Some days I really would like to clean out all the bad influences in Cleveland." He looked around, spotting someone watching them. "I know them."

"They're not someone I recognize as a local," Wade admitted. "Magic user, problem, or watcher, Xander?"

"I don't remember."

"Oh please let it not be a real battle today," Russell prayed, looking up. "Please?" He looked at Wade, who was casually walking toward the guy with Xander. "Cable, can we evacuate?"

"It'll be fine. Xander knows what subtle is." He was able to go back them up if they needed it. Xander said something to the guy, who flinched away from him. "I swear I recognize him too," he muttered. The guy tried to stab Xander with a needle and Wade broke the guy's other arm while Xander blocked the attack. Cable looked around, spotting an officer watching. "You should probably stop that guy," he warned. "That's your head watcher the guy tried to attack."

"The one with the needle?"

"No, the one with us is Harris."

"Shit." He called that in and went to break it up. They had nicely kept it out of view. "Gentlemen, problems?"

"Yeah, this is one of the guys that was dosing twinkies," Xander said, handing him over. "Military and a dick of extreme proportions since the stuff they drugged them with causes cancer."

"We'll get you yet, Harris. The army hates you for bringing down my project."

"Your project was torturing innocent beings for shits and giggles. And it wasn't just me but it'll be just me that stomps you this time if I have to." He looked at the officer, shrugging some. "Let me get my foster kid back to his weekly fun learning time?"

"Go," he agreed. Xander nodded, taking Wade with him. The officer got backup there and they got to drag the guy and his needle downtown. Harris had stuck the needle in the guy's stomach so they could test what was in it. Someone tried to ticket Harris and his buddies but the kid complained about him defending himself from psycho militants. So they had to give that up too. The quad did leave, and the officer following them reported they were going grocery shopping for the slayer house. With the amount of stuff they bought, it had to be for the slayer house or a military camp.

Xander walked in with the first few bags. "Buffy, help carry groceries," he called up the stairs. She came bouncing down to help. He went to get more things to carry in with the other guys. He paused her, staring at her. "I ran into one of Riley's idiots," he said quietly. "With a needle. This was after we busted them for dosing all the twinkies in town with the same stuff that got your mom."

"I'll be super alert tonight. Riley himself?"

"No, one of the background guys. I barely recognized him." He grabbed a few more bags, letting her carry them inside. He carried in his own. He spotted a few more girls from Cleveland. "Are we all sleeping over?" he quipped. "We might not have enough beds. We only had ten spare rooms."

"We can share," one said with a grin. "Before we learned how to smite people."

"It's not much different from smiting a vampire," Wade quipped as he carried in milk jugs stuffed in plastic crates. "You guys eat more than teenage boys." The girls got the rest of the stuff carried in for them. "Thanks for the help, ladies." He smirked. "Cable, sparring today?"

"Yeah, we need to." Russell moaned, slumping and looking at him pitifully. "You have a paper to write so you've got tomorrow with the kids around your own age since you suck at it, Russell. You've got a while before you're as good as a senior slayer. Go workout on the weight set instead." Russell trudged that way but some of the younger girls joined him in the gym. Xander grinned at him from the kitchen. "Fine, I'll run sparring for Harris so he can start on dinner. Wade?"

"Yup. Give me a sec." He went to make sure the car was locked and the anti-theft system was started. He came back in with the watcher following him. "Xander?" He pointed as he went up the stairs.

Xander leaned out of the kitchen. "Hey, Armand. Come help me start dinner." The other watcher came in there. "What's going on?" he asked quietly. "The girls aren't usually liking up here."

"The ones in Cleveland left as a group," he said quietly. "I made sure they got up here. The ones in the orphans house are probably going to run this way too."

"Problems?"

"Idiots trying to backslide."

Xander nodded once. "I've noticed that." Armand grinned at him. "I'm not sure how many we can get in here. We're already overcrowded."

"Buffy's going to figure out how to schedule things while standing up to everyone else." He clapped him on the arm. "I'm taking the orphans with me."

"Take them and the Sergeant to Cedra in Germany?"

"That's not a bad idea but they don't have passports."

"Get my phone," he said with a head nod. "My hands are dirty." It was put next to him. "Oh, phone." It flipped on. "Dial Clint Barton. Speaker on."

"Dialing."

"Yeah, Xander. Huge problems?" a male voice said.

"Steve, I need a bit of Clint's style of magical background help. Can you send him over please?" he asked. "It's not a problem *here* but some of the girls need some advice in a foreign house."

"I can do that. He's in the gym. Give him maybe an hour."

"Thanks. Hang up, phone." It hung up. He grinned at Armand. "He's a slayer icon." He got back to slicing potatoes. "Can you empty three of the ground beefs into the slow cookers?"

"Will three be enough?"

"Um...." He considered it. "Yeah, make it five. I'll get more in a few days." Armand washed his hands and got back to that. "Pour in enough salsa to cover it slightly, add in two packets of taco seasoning per thing of hamburger and put it on high?" Armand nodded and did that. Xander rolled his neck and popped it. "Better," he sighed.

"What happened? You came in looking mad."

"Idiot army people. We ran into one with a needle at Coney Island." They shared a look. "Yeah, Finn's former people. Again."

"We heard about the twinkie thing from Dawn." He made another crockpot of beef. If the girls didn't eat it tonight they'd eat it sometime soon he was sure. Xander finished making the potato casseroles and put them into the oven for now, setting a timer on his phone. Of course, the smoke detector went off so Xander pulled things out of the oven and removed the stuff that was glued in there. Thankfully the glue smoked and the vials hadn't broken. Xander went to start the grill instead for the potatoes.

Armand covered them in foil to protect them. Clint walked in and Armand stared in awe. He knew about that guy. "Hawkeye, it's an honor," he said, holding out a hand. "I'm Armand DeSiters, the head watcher in London. Our girls need to get out of the US because the watchers here are idiots."

Buffy strolled in. "Putting it mildly," she said. She looked at Clint. "I'm having all the girls leave the US if they're under fifteen and in a house. The ones at home can stay for now but the watchers are trying to backslide."

"Okay, we can help them move subtly. What's that?" he asked.

"Stuff Xander just found glued in the oven."

Xander leaned in with a grin and a wave. "I spotted one of Riley's backup soldiers at Coney Island with a needle too." He went back to fussing with the grill.

"Charming! Who has him?"

"NYPD."

"We can talk to them about it and test those," Clint said, pulling down a tupperware container to put the vials into for now while he texted Natasha to come pick them up for Stark. He looked at the two people. "How many and where do we need to move them?"

"We're already overloading Xander," Buffy said. "We're about to have to double up."

"Xander suggested Cedra in Germany," Armand said. "My house is good for that also. I can hold about another six but we'd prefer not to have tiny ones, Buffy. There's no good park or anything nearby for them to play in."

"Germany's is at an old farm and the girls will adore running around to look for animals."

Xander came in to grab the potatoes. "We can send them to Eggbert in Asia or Patrick in Libya. Both houses are a bit more dangerous but they've got some tiny minis. Or you can go to the fallback house in Greece if Giles didn't sell it." He carried the casserole pans out there to put onto the grill. He came back once it was closed, setting the timer to a different setting. "Italy's is in a single apartment. I have the map in the office." He went to get it, bringing it back to the table. "Here, this is the current houses and who handles them. I'm getting reports from all these," he said with a finger to circle most of them outside the US.

Buffy stared at him. "When did you take over for Giles?"

"When he didn't do it," he said bluntly. "I've had to move the girls in Africa again due to war bands and he just looked so clueless about why that might be a problem. That and he's drinking a whole lot, Buffy."

"He said the same thing about you and you hate drinking."

"I maybe drink now and then. I don't do it daily."

"No, he's doing it daily." She went over things, nodding. "These four are bigger houses." Xander pointed at one. "That's got six girls?" He nodded. "Isn't that all those cousins?"

"Yeah. And they have a nice watcher in charge who is an uncle who I'd like to replace with a non-relative. It's hard watching your kid do things."

"Yeah, I hate that too." She nodded, pointing at one. "Okay. Here, Kennedy, Cedra, and Eggbert. Libya's too dangerous from what they've been saying. We're moving them where, Xander?"

"They're going to the summer house by the sea within the next week anyway," he said. "The locals and soldiers there know about the girls and know they'd *better* protect them. Because they don't want an invasion and the girls there stopped one by driving an idiot demon summoner off by being girls."

She grinned. "I liked that plot. It worked well."

"Set up Andrew in a house," Xander reminded her.

"Up here?"

"No room or I'd agree. He's got to cook better than I do."

"Not totally. He's good at following recipes." She grinned at him. "The girls complained you made them eat veggies."

"Yup. Native Moroccan dishes. Lots of veggies, spices, some meat. Some bread. They enjoyed it but a few had heartburn." He shrugged but grinned. "They need the veggies."

"Fine. It is good for them." She looked over at Russell. "When it's your turn to be a watcher, don't let them give you shit like they give Xander."

"The girls or the other watchers?" he asked.

"Neither," Xander said with a grin. "Really." He looked at Buffy again. "We need to warn Kennedy. She's got a few agents who live around her who spar with her girls."

"England needs to be our last choice anyway," Armand said. "In case some of those uptight ones try to do something since we used to be British and many of the old liners have titles."

Xander grinned at him. "Really?" Armand and Buffy both looked alarmed as they backed away. "They're not the only one." He went to get a file and handed it to Armand. "You have fun with that?"

He read the files and swallowed hard. "Um, that estate...."

"Yeah?" He grinned. "That's where the castle is."

"Oh!" He carefully put it down, but Clint picked it up to look at and groaned. Xander just grinned and hit him on the shoulder. Armand looked at Buffy. "Did you know that?"

"Nope." She shrugged. "It's a wacky Xander plan. Some day we'll have to get someone else to do those for us." She hit Xander on the arm, making him yelp. She got back to the paperwork they needed with Clint. Natasha came in and Clint pointed at the kitchen, letting her get the vials to be tested. She came back to look and pointed out that they could get the girls moved less subtly if needed. Buffy looked at her. "We need it slightly subtle so they don't realize we're abandoning them for backsliding."

"If so, we can rebuild it with you so they cannot." She smiled. "And get your head watcher dried out. Who is second in charge?" Buffy pointed at Xander. Who smirked at her. "Oh dear."

"Only half the Council may realize that," Armand told her. "I knew he was in the top five but not second. I thought the person over the budget."

"A lot want him," Xander agreed. "Because he's the top old liner. I talked to him the other day about people blocking paying for things in the house."

Buffy nodded. "We don't *mind* him but he's uptight and he can't really back up the girls. He's good at administrative things but not backing up my girls."

Natasha nodded. "You do need more field watchers." Xander nodded and pointed at Russell. "I'm sure he'll make a fine one some year if he quits swearing and trains himself," Natasha said, grimacing at the boy, who glared back. "Sometimes you have to appear higher class than you do most of the time, Russell."

"Not like most of the current field watchers are classy people," Xander quipped. "Only Armand and the one in Germany are."

"And he's on a shitlist but we can lock him in a closet," Buffy said. "He's kinda woosy in all but the fighting stuff."

"We know a great many former agents who could help," Clint quipped with a grin for Natasha.

"Yeah but those two HYDRA guys are trying to get some upward mobility too," Buffy said. "They treat the girls well but they'll never get a higher up spot because we don't want that."

"Amen sister," Xander quipped. "That's why I put that curse on them if they were ever bad to the girls." He tapped a dot. "I haven't heard from Toronto in a while again. Go ask Faith to call them?"

"She's up there anyway," Buffy agreed, going to the office to call her. She found the budget guy waiting on a video call. "Sorry, we're in the dining room going over placements. Xander, budget guy." She dialed the regular phone. "It's me. Xander's worried because he hasn't heard from Toronto recently." She listened, handing Xander the phone.

"Yeah, Faith?" He listened. "That sucks. Need backed up? We can send you Mercy or Kara. Piotr could probably use a nap." He grinned at Buffy. "Yeah, I can do that. Tonight good? Good. Yup, need anything but them?" He made notes to hold up to the computer camera. "I can do that. Give me an hour to call. Be safe and let me know, Faith." He hung up. "Mercy!" he bellowed. "Pack you and Tiff and Brenda up to go to Toronto. Faith needs help!"

"Yes, Xander," floated down the stairs. "I'll tell them after they tie up Wade."

"Leave Wade alone," he called back. "He's not ready to deal with giggling girls yet." They all giggled. He sighed, looking at Buffy.

"Why were you two shacking up?" she asked. "I didn't want to poach."

"I have some means of making nightmares run from me," he said dryly, grinning at her. "That's why Faith likes to nap on my shoulder too."

"She's said that. Huh. So he's got nightmares?"

"Buffy, his girlfriend got killed about six months ago. And he's a former soldier. Yeah, he's got some nightmares like we all do."

"I didn't think about that. So no poaching stuff?"

"No. Everyone's encouraged and not happening at this time. He's not into my dick." She blushed but nodded, going to rescue him from the girls. He looked at the budget guy. "What's up?"

"I was calling to tell you about the transfers for tuition."

Xander grinned. "Thank you. I could use that. And the paying me back stuff? I can add today's groceries too for eight hundred dollars." The budget guy winced and groaned a bit. "But we needed it. We were out."

"Why are you taking reports from other houses?"

"Because I always have. Since I came back from Africa to this house, I've taken reports from my former girls and the other ones that don't get anything back from Giles. Maybe it's why I'm second-in-command."

"You are?" he demanded.

"Yeah." Xander nodded. "According to Giles."

"I..."

Buffy came back to lean in. "Giles is going to rehab as soon as I get back." She grinned. "Which means you're in charge of the administrative stuff for us. Because you can't help us on patrol or training. Our head watchers need to be able to handle a battle and the plans for them plus the houses and the girls' needs. You do great with the paperwork stuff and the budget stuff and all that stuff. Xander is the one the girls go to for battle plans and emergencies and all that stuff. You two could do it together. We'd appreciate that more than a lot of things going on."

He cleared his throat. "I can see that point. I am not the watcher that follows the girls into the field the way yours did when you were more active and the way Harris does his girls." He cleared his throat again. "Are we moving the girls this week?"

"Yes. Quite a few of them." She nodded slowly. "Before we have another problem."

"I can see that. I've seen what the girls have." He looked at Xander, who shrugged. "Yours?"

"We're about out of room. We've got an extra ten girls up here."

"Oh dear."

Kara walked in. "Xander, Piotr and I can get an apartment with the housing stipend."

He kissed her on the head. "Piotr eats less than you do. Or the tiny minis do. Half of them eat Piotr's weight in food each meal." She blushed but grinned, nodding at him. He hugged her. "You aren't causing me any problems, Kara. You and Piotr are fine and I like you two being together. Even if your man does keep forgetting to eat so he can pass out at your toes." He looked at her. "Go make yourselves lunch." She nodded, going to do that. "Don't use the oven," he called after her. "We had to pull chemicals out of it."

"I can't do that anyway," she said. "We don't have any oven stuff. And your phone's going off."

"Go stir the potatoes on the grill please."

"I can do that," Natasha agreed.

"Thanks." He looked at the budget guy again. "I ran into one of Finn's military team earlier."

"Shite," he muttered. "A huge problem?"

"I hope not." He grinned. "If so, we'll handle it like we did them dosing all the twinkies in the area with stuff that causes cancer."

The budget guy took off his glasses to rub his eyes. "You have fun with them, Harris."

"Oh, I will." He grinned. "I have poker debts for those." The guy shuddered but nodded. Xander found a form to fill out and got the receipt from the kitchen, then signed it and scanned it in to send down. "There, today's groceries."

"Oh, dear. You bought how many eggs?"

"Nine dozen. It'll last us a week," Buffy said.

"Cheap protein," Xander said with a shrug. Then he smiled. "And yeah, it'll last about four days with the extra girls."

The budget guy just nodded. "I can process this today, Xander. I've got the rest of the payment sent up to the house's account. It should hit there tomorrow."

"Thank you."

"Welcome. I look forward to you coming down tonight to talk to Rupert?"

"Yeah, I can do that."

"Thank you, lad." He hung up and went to consider things. The slayer was right, he wasn't really in charge as he didn't deal with many things that the girls did. He could do that behind Xander though. The boy had barely passed math, he couldn't deal with the budget or those details. So he'd take over after Xander fell in a battle and train the boy's protege to take his place when he got too old. It was a good lineage and they could add in some like Armand or Barty in Germany. The girls did seem to favor them.

***

Xander showed up that night, looking at Giles when he walked into his office. "We gotta talk, Giles."

"Xander. Problems?" He shut his door. He went to pour himself a drink. "Where is...." Xander held up the bottle. "Helping yourself to it? Bad day?"

"Do you realize you're going through a bottle a day now?" Xander asked. He put the bottle onto the desk and stood up. "Buffy's so worried she showed up to talk to me about that." He stared at him. "You've been drinking compulsively for six months, Giles," he said quietly. "Buffy wants to run away from the smell of scotch."

"I... It's not a compulsion."

"I know that. Not like I didn't grow up watching three adults destroy their lives that way." He stared at him. "She wants to beat your ass and put you into a hospital in traction so you can't walk out. She was nearly crying earlier when she was talking about how far you've fallen."

Giles took off his glasses. "It has been stressful." He stared at him. "You've been fighting them again."

"Yeah, because I'm not going to let them backslide, Giles. The girls are going to get a good education no matter what the other old liners say. They're going to get a life beyond dying young and horribly."

Giles slumped. "I've seen that and tried to stop it."

"They're taking advantage of you being so damn drunk. Frankly, those of us who are doing the actual work, we're rather concerned. Bartemy in the budget office, me, Armand. Eggbert. Eggbert called up wondering why you sent a memo saying that you might be shutting one of the Asian houses."

"I... I did not."

"No, someone did in your name. They think Bartemy will follow them. And frankly, with the way things are listed, he's not your second-in-command. He agreed to be mine though. He knows admin stuff is not my gift in life," he finished dryly. "Though I am staying over the girls' well being."

"Are you leaving your house?"

"No. Have yours?"

Giles blinked. "Dinner had...oh." He stared at him. "Where are they?"

"At a few houses. Including overloading mine. I have an extra fifteen girls. I helped some of the girls get to more secure, safer places. The Sergeant is over the orphans at the moment because they tried to shove her out too. And she's the second best fighter we have in the Council, and I'm behind her. I gladly defer to her when she comes up with battle plans because I learned some but she got training and experience in battles I won't have."

"I can agree with that if she wants to."

"She doesn't. She had to so they were protected." Giles nodded at that, and you could see he was thinking about it. "I agree that the girls need a real family environment but they were trying to farm the girls out to the old way of one watcher, one slayer again. Which we can't allow."

"It could be good for them."

"Was it for Kendra?"

"No," he agreed. "I had no idea...."

Xander picked up the bottle to wave in the air. "Really?"

Giles stared at him. "What are you hoping for here?"

"I'm driving you to rehab tonight. I could've cursed Buffy to drive you but I figured that would be counterproductive."

"I have things I have to get prepared."

"Uh-huh." Xander nodded. "And then you'll have a problem and another thing will pop up and you'll have the good scotch for breakfast again and on and on and on until we bury you. Because you're standing in the way of a lot of people getting power again." He stared at him. "They think they have me tied up with problems. They're wrong and they don't realize it yet. Unless you can find a rehab place that'll take you out of time and space...."

"I cannot, I don't think one exists," Giles admitted.

"Then let's go after you write out some notes? Or I can tell them I'm kidnaping you." He grinned, putting the bottle back down on the desk. "Your choice."

"I could use a vacation," Giles decided. He moved to write out some notes for his secretary and the others that did the administrative things. "How often are you drinking?" he asked, looking at his former protege.

"Maybe twice a month. I spar with my girls when they annoy me." He grinned. "It helps a lot. Also, we're moving most of the girls," he said quietly. "Buffy said so."

He tipped his head. "I know why. Thank you."

"You're welcome." He took Giles' keys and let him go pack two bags to take with him. The few watchers that spotted them glared. Xander shrugged. "Giles is going to take a few days at a spa. It's his last chance before the big incident coming up and whatever's scheduled for Halloween. He'll be back in a week or so."

Giles came down the stairs. "I've left my assistant Natalie notes for how things need to happen for the week I'll be gone. Do not cause any stress while I'm gone. Bartemy and Xander are in charge until I come back."

"Him?" one of them demanded.

Giles took off his glasses to put into his pocket. "He's been my second-in-command since we had to reform in Sunnydale. I made that clear numerous times."

Cordelia appeared, smiling at the old liners, who all backed away from her. "He and the budget guy both do really good together to fix things. Without someone good in charge, things will go to hell and various governments will steal the girls. And destroy you all. The one thing stopping it is that there's guys who're helping by being out there and doing the same damn job. If Xander, Armand, and Eggbert fall, the girls are screwed and then used for politics so certain countries will fall, and then we'll have another world war. Boom, all gone," she said dryly, waving at them. "You'd have been dead long before then." She looked at Giles. "Good!" He grimaced but nodded. "Have a good break. You've needed one for years. Your last one your slayer died. Hopefully this time will be less full of alcohol."

"No, I believe I need to quit that," he said.

She beamed. "Good job!" She clapped Xander on the shoulder. "You're so good at doing my job."

Xander stared at her. "Not even if the PTB made me." She burst out giggling but nodded. "Any upcoming news on the Thanos thing?"

"Shit'll suck."

"I knew that."

"Shit'll suck majorly. Yeah, your plan? Stupidly weird like usual." He grinned. "Don't forget others have plans too so you'll have a helper." She pinched him on the cheek. "Don't put it into your pants. It's cheesy and you don't need to compensate." He grinned but shook his head. "Okay, that's my thing for the week. Also...you two go to Germany," she bellowed. "Tonight!"

"Yes, Cordelia," a female voice called. "All three of us?"

"Three?"

Xander looked up the stairs. "Buffy said Blu's going to Kennedy. You two are going to Germany."

"I'm sick," one said.

"Yay!" He grinned. "Fall into line, ladies." They grumped but came down to do that. "Thanks." He looked at Cordelia. "Any other requests or orders?"

"Not yet. Though, the PTB are kinda hoping you find someone nice for stress relief."

"You go tell Wade that, dear." He kissed her until she moaned then grinned at her. "I've missed your fire," he said quietly. She slapped him but he kissed her again. She got into it, her arms going over his shoulders. He pulled her closer and got into it. Until they faded her out.

"Hey!" they heard her complain. "I need and deserve that! It's been years and a girl can only live with her fingers for too long!"

Xander grinned up at the ceiling. "Come back when you can, Cordy. Not like I've had anyone recently who was more than stress relief." He shrugged and grinned at them then looked at Giles. He held up the keys. "Let's go. You're flying out in two hours." Giles nodded, following him out.

The others got together to talk about it. That boy had mugged the Messenger for the Powers That Be. What sort of power did he have over her?

Whistler appeared, staring at them. "They dated in high school." They all groaned. "And Cordelia is always for the slayers as she helped Buffy." He stared at them. "The message was still true. Quit pushing the girls back to the old ways before someone takes out all of you and takes the girls over on you so they can politically choose who survives." He stared at one. "And quit trying Harris totally. He's efficient and gets things done even if he's weird and young.

"Frankly, the higher ups wanted him to die in the battle with the First, or in one of the ones in Africa that he managed to survive. Now we need him or else every human dies. Just let them do what they have to do and fall in line to be better for the girls. You're here to serve and help the girls do their duties. And Bruno when he's older." He stared at one. "Take Harris as a road sign but not his full example. And his protege will probably go onto a mutant response team but he's going to be backing the girls up when they need it."

"That one's a mutant?"

"With a fire gift. And a horrible history thanks to guys like you." Whistler smirked a tiny bit. "Russell will do fine. He's learning the right lessons from Xander. The rest of you need to take up the worship of Xander's insanity too so you can treat the girls better." He disappeared to go talk to Russell. He nodded at Buffy as he appeared. He looked at the kid. "It's all right if you decide to back up the girls like that Wade guy does. You can do both." Russell stared at him oddly. "Really. You could be needed for both. We're counting on you for the huge things but not every day."

"Because I'm a mutant?"

"No, that's why we accept you'll help with both." He smirked a tiny bit. "Your future's pretty open but you don't have to turn into Harris. Or that Wade guy. Be Russell and do what Russell needs to do, and when the big things happen jump in to help where you're needed."

"I...who're you?" he asked, trying not to swear. This one felt weird and the girls had warned him about weird feeling people who gave shitty advice.

"That's Whistler, the Messenger for the Powers That Be, who're over the girls," Buffy said. "That's all today, Whistler? No other warnings?"

"What Harris has planned is wacky and weird and wrong but it'll work." He stared at her. "This is shitty times that we don't have plans for but they're about to worry about needing to know how to blow themselves."

"You gotta be real flexible," Cable said. "Ask Wade." He pointed at him.

"I haven't been able to do that without something to hold me down in a while," Wade quipped, grinning at him. "How bad? Any other warnings?"

"Learn how to do that without the straps," Whistler said. "If you lose, you'll need it." Wade nodded. "There's a weird, wacky, wrong plan that'll work with Cable's plan," he said with a nod at him. "Please teach Harris the right way to plan battles?" he demanded impatiently. "He gives us all headaches even when they work." Buffy burst out giggling. "Slayer, your watcher is going on a week's vacation with our blessing and warning the others about stopping their shit before you all get taken by a government."

"Xander worries about that."

"I know. We like that he's the reason they won't." He smirked as he faded out. "I've got to calm Cordelia down. They're mad at her for making out with Harris."

Cable looked up then at Buffy. "At least he's not uptight."

"He is uptight and that's a weird bit of message. Usually Whistler shows up to tell us to bend over and suggests lube." She grimaced. "Though it's nice that Xander and Cordy hooked up again." She looked at Russell. "They used to date in high school but Xander had a cheating thing with Willow for some reason. Cordy got hurt. Drama from hell for over a year. Even watching it made us all cringe. Never date a girl that's too highly strung and who will kill your spirit if you screw up. He deserved it but she was uber mean."

"I can avoid that," Russell agreed. "Why did he cheat?"

"We're not really sure why he ended up kissing Willow," she admitted. "Though we don't want to think it was her. Afterwards...that might've been due to a spell since we only blamed him. Willow was firmly dating Oz then too." She grinned and shrugged. "We were teenagers helping save the world and doing high school. It was all sorts of screwed up. My dating life with Angel. Angelus. Him dating Cordy. Willow dating Oz was okay even though he did end up being a werewolf thanks to his baby cousin. Xander was the king of creeps really often. We were so mean to Xander." Wade looked at her. "We were."

"You still are."

"Yeah, kinda," she sighed. "I need to make up for that. But he's still normal." She grimaced. "I need to tell the girls about Sunnydale. C'mon, Russell. We'll go tell the girls about back then." She hauled him up to take him up to talk about the bad old days.

Wade looked at his buddy. "Yeah, he still gets told he's normal. And then they compare him to us."

"That sucks," Cable agreed. "He's not us. He doesn't have our training or skills."

"At least we're passing on skills." He heard an 'eww' from upstairs. "Wonder what that was." They got up to go listen in with the girls. "We heard it was gross. What was?"

Mimsy looked up at him, pulling him down to cuddle him. "Buffy used to date Angel, who was a vampire."

Wade looked at her. "He understood my destiny and was a champion for the PTB. He was mysterious, cryptic, wore a leather jacket," she sighed, shrugging some. "It was very teenage girl romance novel sort of love. And if you find one like that, enjoy it. It never lasts. Angel's and mine didn't last because he violated the curse that held his soul in place by getting truly happy when we had sex the first time. And wow, no soul Angelus was mean." A few of the older girls stared at her oddly.

"Yeah." She sighed, looking at them. "I ended up sending him to hell right after Willow put the soul curse back on. Xander didn't tell me she was going to try, and later on I found out I didn't have a choice because the apocalypse attempt he started had to be stopped by his blood. So I had to send him. But he did come back. We just couldn't get too ...friendly. It's why he went to LA to do the private eye thing. Because it was too hard and we would've fallen into bed again."

"Wow," Wade said. "That's...."

Buffy grinned but nodded. "First loves," she sighed. "They're all pretty strong. You'll always remember it. Not always fondly but you'll remember it. Your first time with a guy too. Faith remembers hers when it's a bad night because she was post slaying hot and ran into a demon pack while we were fighting the hellmouth without her and Xander. Xander killed the demons and Faith pounced. She said it was fast and she was stupid to kick him out, but we found out later that Xander killed the bomb making zombies and made him stop the bomb before we all got blown up."

"What?" Russell demanded. Buffy went into that whole story. Russell looked at the two older heros.

"Nah-uh. I would've screamed back and stomped off to let them do their own thing," Wade said. "Maybe I would've gotten drunk instead. Not given anyone a ride anywhere and definitely not followed them to the school."

"We were fighting the kraken and we thought it was going to be too bad for him. He was just a kid who didn't even know how to use a sword before we taught him." She shrugged, grimacing at them. "I discounted Xander. I admit I discounted Xander. I still discount Xander and he snaps back. Then you girls make him pout. We should all quit discounting Xander because then he goes out and does amazing things that make me scream at him."

"Did you get into him about five months ago when he took out some ninja vampires?" Cable asked. "I wondered about that."

"Ninja vampires?" she demanded, standing up to stare at him. "What?"

"They made special ones just to take out the girls," Wade said dryly. "Yeah, a ninja gang got partially turned." Buffy groaned as she sat back down. Wade patted Russell on the back. "Nineteen by himself, I had to put his shoulder back in place and do a few stitches on his back for him, and the next night he did magic while the rest of us handled the rest of the ninja vampires."

"You're nuts."

"Aww, thank you," Wade quipped with a smirk.

"I can learn from Xander and not turn nuts like you two are."

"Become like Cable, Russell. He seems mostly normal," Buffy said. "Just really tough and strong and the sort of guy that girls should drool on."

"Still missing my wife," Cable told her with an eye roll. She just grinned back before telling the girls more about the early years of their team.

Cable and Wade shared a look. Sunnydale had been so screwed up. No wonder Xander was the way he is.

TBC....