Summary: Xander has a daughter and the daughter has *ideas* thanks to her aunt. So Xander has to stop the ideas and fix his daughter's problems.
Categories: Buffy Stories & Crossovers > Other Movie Characters: None
Series: Childhood Series
Chapters: 2 Completed: Yes
Word count: 32657 Read: 1986
Published: 08/27/2022 Updated: 08/27/2022
There's a faint crossover, but not really one. Just one character and a few hinted ones. I'm marking it just in case.
Part 1 by Voracity2
The Daughter Of the Knight Isn't A Lady.
Xander looked at his daughter, then shook his head. "Take off the makeup. You're too damn young," he said quietly, staring at her. "I don't care which aunt said to do that, no. Not until you've worn a bra for at least a year."
"But it's cute, Xander!" Buffy whined.
He glared at her. "She looks like she works in an alley, Buffy. And I told you to leave my daughter the hell alone." She fled from that temper. He pointed. "Now please." She huffed but went to change and clean off the makeup.
He looked up then went to figure out where to take his daughter camping. This time. Each time Buffy tried to make her girly and 'cute' he took her camping and/or hunting. Which made her pout but oh well! She came down in a name branded sweat suit. He stared. "I know I did not buy you that."
"Auntie Buffy did?" she said hopefully, petting it. "It's soft, Dad."
"How much was it?"
"I don't know. Auntie Buffy, how much was this sweat suit?" she called.
"Two hundred," she called back.
"I told you to not spend more than eighty!" Xander yelled back. "So you owe me money for anything over that!" His daughter pouted. "If you want to eat tomorrow night, then she owes us a lot of money." She slumped but nodded, going to talk to the aunt and Uncle Giles. Who paid for Buffy's shopping most of the time. Xander followed to nag the aunt. He really had to bring his little girl to another slayer house. Before she turned into Buffy. "How much did you spend? Did you overdraw my account?"
She ducked down. "I don't think so? One of them wouldn't go through? Her shoes she needed?" He glared. She shrank down farther. "She needed cute things!"
"No, she needed practical things. Things to wear to school. Things to play in. Not things to look like a club girl in! You know that!"
"We'll handle it," Giles said patiently. He looked at the young girl then sighed. "At least you don't look like Brenda did earlier."
"No, I made her clean off the make up her aunt put on her," Xander said dryly, staring at her. "She's seven!"
"Chill, Xander! I'm just being an auntie!"
He stared at her. "Would you have let Dawn wear that outfit at fourteen?"
"No!" She sighed then nodded. "Point taken!"
"Thank you! I'd like to have a daughter that has sense and compassion, not dreams of being a ho." He walked off shaking his head.
"Does this mean we don't have to go camping?" his daughter asked.
"You're going to be lucky if we don't go to a foreign house," he shot back. "For good."
"Suck it up," Xander called back. "Before I sell your aunt to an arms dealer for weapons we'll need some day soon."
"If they're nice to date I wouldn't mind being set up but I don't think I'd marry one without dating first," Buffy complained.
Giles stared at her. "Go get the receipts, Buffy." She sighed but went to do that. It took her a bit. He took the handful and looked it over, then groaned. He owed the boy an apology and a lot of money. He went to cut the check for that and the overdraft fee he probably had. Buffy really had to quit shopping.
Buffy smiled at the only non-slayer kid in the house. "If he goes to a foreign house we'll make sure it's a great one with a lot of things around so you're not so bored."
She looked at her aunt. "I'm shocked we're not already heading to a camping area." She walked off to go beg her father to not live in a tent or the truck for months on end. She knew she had done it as a baby but she didn't want to do that now. She'd be bored. She even tried her best argument, of all she'd have to do in the truck is homework and she didn't need to do that very often. Her father's face turning red made her run and hide. He was going to scream. A lot. She wanted to avoid that.
"Daughter, do the homework anyway!" he shouted after her. "Every damn bit! If you skip even a single bit, I'm putting you in a boarding school! Where they don't speak the languages you do!"
"Yes, dad," she whined. She knew he would. He was evil that way. Then demand she got good grades anyway. It was so unfair!
Xander calmed himself down before he had a real fit. He went up to take her tv from her room. "You don't need that. It's giving you bad ideas." He put it in his room and went to help her with her homework. Before she decided to grow up stupid. She huffed but let him help her. Not do much of it but show her how to do things.
Downstairs, Buffy was wincing. "She shouldn't have to worry about grades."
Giles looked at her. "She should because she needs to have a real future. Would you have let Dawn get away with that?"
"No," she sulked. "But she's not that little."
"Then have a daughter yourself that you can spoil," he ordered. "Leave his alone. He's set guidelines for how she's to be raised and we must follow them, Buffy."
"Yes, Giles. And I can't have kids. They'd get in the way. Or I'd have a son and not have any idea what to do with them." He nodded he knew that. With Xander's luck he'd end up taking over her son from her care to raise for her. Then at least that boy may have a tiny bit of sense, though Xander didn't have that much himself sometimes.
Xander met with his precious spawn's teacher later that week. "Yes? We had a problem with my contribution to the world? Again?" he asked dryly.
"Mr. Harris, your daughter has said some...disturbing things today."
"What did she learn from her aunt this time?" he demanded. "Daughter?" he called loudly enough that she heard him. He stared at the teacher once his daughter was stomping in.
"You've taken the tv from her room?"
"Yes. She doesn't need that in there. Her grades have went down. It's giving her ideas that she shouldn't have at her age because her aunts taught her to watch reality tv. She'll get it back when her grades go up and she finds something more realistic to want to watch that she can't watch with the slayers."
"Oh, so you grounded her."
"My daughter came in wearing a skimpy outfit worthy of some whore on supposed reality tv and makeup thanks to her aunt. She doesn't need that sort of idea about her future life. She's not allowed to become a sugar baby for a career," he said dryly.
"So yeah, she's grounded until she finds something better to want to watch with the slayers. Not like she's not curled up with them watching telemundo sometimes on Saturday night. She just doesn't have a tv in her room anymore. That's not really a problem for anyone but her whining though."
The teacher blinked. "It's something that can set her apart socially."
"So is living with her single father in the slayer house," he said dryly. He looked at his daughter. Who shrugged. "Complaining about it to the friends?"
"Yes! And it's mean! Especially if we go to a foreign house again! I won't know anyone."
"Most kids would adore traveling, daughter."
"I'm not one. I'd like to stay around the aunts, Dad. Even if they do decide to spend you poor getting me clothes I can't actually wear to school." She handed over the note from her backpack. He read it and groaned. "I tried!"
"I told you not to wear that this morning," he said plainly. "That it was outside of dress code. I told you to go change before I went to nag the senior girls who came down with panties hanging out and heels high enough to need to charge rent for a second story apartment." The teacher choked. He looked his daughter over. "Why did you not change?"
"I was running late?"
"You had ten minutes."
"I'm a girl, I can't change in ten minutes!" He stared at her. She pouted. "I can't! Buffy can't!"
"YOU'RE NOT THE SENIOR SLAYER!" he noted loudly. "Never will be, daughter. You are not Buffy, should not be looking up to she-who-dates-vampires, nothing like that. For that matter, no more shopping with Buffy either!" He stared at her. "Am I clear?" She pouted but nodded.
He sighed, looking at the teacher. "I let Buffy do some practical school shopping. Told her to find practical, school appropriate clothes and some new sneakers for under eighty dollars. She spent eight grand I didn't have to buy name brand, hoochie crap she's really not allowed to wear anyway."
The teacher winced but nodded. "So no, I'm pretty sure that slayer is a bad role model and she should not follow her. I'd rather she follow Faith into leather pants and knives." He stared at her. He smiled at the teacher again. "What else came up?"
"Does she have to go camping so often?"
"Yes. It's a practical skill that could save her life someday. She grew up camping in the truck with me for her first two years of life. We were in Africa and traveling between the slayers all the time. She spent more time in a sleeping bag than she did in a bed for nearly three years because her mom camped all the time before I found out she had my daughter and got her from her.
"Hell, she used to sleep on top of her mom's weapons cases all the time." He stared at his daughter then at her. "She's got to have practical skills because she's going to have to lead a practical life. If she makes it to an adult."
"It's not something the other girls can appreciate about her."
"That's their parents' fault for giving their daughters ideas about designer crap that looks horrible on them anyway. A whole bunch of your students are spoiled. Even if I had millions of dollars, she's not wearing designer crap of any brand. She'll be going to college, getting a career that pays her bills, and if she has artistic trends at that time she can do them after hours until she can make it on that career. Most of your girls in this class can't even find their way out of a mall if there's an evacuation."
"They can so!" the teacher complained.
"Two didn't last month."
The teacher grimaced. "I forgot about them. The girls are thinking she's deprived."
"I think they're the opposite of deprived. And if it's Macy, her father's depraved, not deprived." The teacher made a horrified noise. "He is. I met the guy socially." He shrugged and looked at his daughter. "Any other complaints from the spoiled committee you play with?"
"They think you're mean to make me make good grades."
"Yeah, you need it to pay for college. Because you're going to college."
She pouted. "Why?" she whined.
"Because you need a damn job when you're an adult, daughter!" He stared at her. "You're not going to join the Council at all if I have my way and even if you do, you can't do that until after you serve in the military or go to college and get at least a masters degree.
"Since I don't want you to go through the hell I go through with the slayers, you'll need to find a real career and a happiness in life when you're an adult. That means good grades and I don't care what *any* parent says. If they're not expecting their kids to get as good of grades as they can, then they're fucking horrible parents. Am I clear?"
She pouted but nodded. The teacher was whining. He stared at her. "Anything else the whining committee had to say this time? If she keeps up on this path I'm sending her to a boarding school somewhere in Europe where she has to learn the language as she studies. It'll be suitably harder than hell and get her into many fine european colleges."
"No. I believe the girls think you're mean and you do swear a bit."
"Yeah, she's heard worse from me swearing at an invasion that came up suddenly before I could drop her with a sitter. She was two and telling everyone to fuck themselves in Swahili because I yelled it at a general who was complaining about an invasion that popped up suddenly." The teacher slumped. "You're lucky I reminded her not to swear." He smiled. "Any other complaints?"
"No, I suppose not. You are a bit firm with her."
"Yes. My daughter has to live in reality. Even if I won a lottery and millions of dollars, she has to live like a normal little girl with normal little girl things and expectations. You can explain it to the future trophy wife committee since they don't seem to realize that life doesn't work like reality tv does." He looked at his daughter. "Only the backpack? Homework?"
She winced and sighed but got it. He smirked, taking it to look over. "Oh, you didn't do any last night when you said you didn't have any. Really?" She shrank down. He handed it back. "Before dinner, daughter. No playing or tv until that's *all* done and corrected by Andrew." She pouted. "I could say Giles."
"No," she muttered. "He's stricter and British." She walked off hugging her homework folder. Xander smiled and followed. He nodded at the waiting mother. "The girls today wanted her to be a spoiled heiress sort. She's not. She has normal girl expectations. They actually complained that I wanted her to have good grades."
The mother snorted, looking at her daughter. "I'd expect the same thing. I know those girls though, Mr. Harris."
Xander nodded. "I figured you did. Have fun. She thought us camping was *mean*." He walked off to take his daughter back to the slayer house so she could do her homework. He got to tell Giles about that, making him complain about unrealistic expectations for young women. Andrew at least gave her a hug and helped her with the homework she had to do. At dinner time her dad came back in. "Put it up, you can finish it after dinner. Otherwise there won't be any food left."
"We can order pizza," she offered.
"That's a treat. Did you deserve a treat?" She pouted and shook her head. "Besides, I'm still straightening out what your aunt did to my bank account. It'll be days before I can use it again."
She sighed but followed him to dinner then coming back afterwards to finish her homework. Andrew and a few of the slayers were doing dishes and running the dishwashers. She had to save her homework a few times and glared at the slayers trying to get it wet. "Dad's going to yell at me."
"If she's trying to get it wet on purpose Xander's going to yell at her," he said as he walked in. The slayers in there ran off. "Someone needs some training time with me I see," he called after them. Andrew laughed at that. "Speaking of spoiled brats." He looked at her homework then pointed. "Is that right? Andrew, is this right?"
He came over to look at the math homework. "The answer's eight, not six, dear." He kissed her on the head and went back to the dishes. Xander took over for him so he came to help her with her homework.
"The teacher told the others it was six earlier."
He blinked at her. "We can make sure but the answer's still eight." He wrote it out long way for her to prove it. She looked and sighed. It meant she had to really work on the other problems. Which weren't right either. But Andrew did explain things easier. "I'll take you to school tomorrow to make sure the teacher realizes it was eight." She nodded with a sigh.
"Make sure she wears something within dress code," Xander said patiently. "Please. I hate talking to her teacher. She thought her camping was *mean*."
"That figures," Andrew muttered. "I'm checking homework," Andrew called. "Tonight!" The girls brought in their homework for him to check while he helped that tiny one. He frowned at one then at the slayer, who shrugged. "Why?"
"Teacher said so."
"Teacher's wrong and you can tell her I said that." He handed it back. "That was my best friend Johno's attempt to take over the world." He smiled. "I can prove it if she wants." She giggled, making that note and correcting that. He went through the rest and then hers.
Andrew talked to the high school teacher the next morning with a smile. "Hi, I'm Andrew."
"I know about you. We've talked before," she said, looking confused. Andrew handed over the homework. "That's...."
"That was my best friend for all of my school career Jonathan, or Johno, and his attempt to take over the world by making people want to be him and do things for him. He died back in Sunnydale but yeah, that was his evil idea." He showed her a picture. "That guy."
"Oh. I did not...I just found the book."
He smiled. "It was a masterful attempt but it had to get ended because he found himself hunted by girls and didn't know what to do with it." He shrugged. "Also, can you spread some sense to some of the elementary school teachers?" He showed her that assignment sheet. "She kept saying that's six."
She looked and groaned. "That woman is a mess."
"Yes, and Xander's daughter is in her class." She winced. "If you want to talk about Johno's ideas, I can do that. Or Warren's but his robotic girlfriend is still around. I can have her come in to talk to the kids if they need it."
"I had no idea robotics were that good."
He grinned. "You've met Natalie when we had to send her to pick up some of the girls. That's her." She blinked then moaned and nodded. "But yeah, if you want to talk about it, we'd love to remember them. Even if I did have to warn them not to use neural dampening tech on their significant others like Warren did."
"I can consider that option. Thank you, Mr. Wells."
"You're welcome." He left, going back to the elementary school. He paused at the principal's office. "Hi. I have a bit of a problem. I'm handling it for Xander." He handed over that sheet. "The teacher insisted that answer is six."
She looked then sighed. "We've had this talk most years, Mr. Wells."
"Yes, but Xander's highly against his precious only daughter being taught wrong. He wants her to go to college and have a career outside his. She can't do that if she can't do simple formulas."
"She would say she's the educator."
"Great. I have a bachelor's in programming and physics." The principal winced. "Which means I basically have a minor in math, yeah." He grinned. "Can you have a talk with her before Xander has to have another talk with her?"
"I can do that. Were there other problems?"
"Yeah, she was trying to get the kiddo to be spoiled. Xander's highly against spoiled."
"Oh, that again."
"Yup." He nodded with a grin. "Thank you." He left, going back home. She could handle her own minion. At home, Xander was complaining at Buffy about her plans to take Priscilla shopping again and about how she wasn't allowed, even if he had millions of dollars.
Buffy glared. "I can take her, Xander! She listens to me!"
"You don't listen to me," he said dryly. "And what I said is right for my kid. No!"
"You're just down because she's a girl."
"Not likely!" He waved a hand in the air. "My daughter doesn't need to look like a ho like you do today. Ever!"
"Xander," Giles complained.
"High, pointy heels. Skirt so short you can tell what her natural hair color is. No bra or panties. And it shows," he said, staring at Buffy. Who was now blushing. "Top that's two sizes too small to show off what little tits she has. Yeah, she looks like a few strippers I've known. She is not allowed to do that to my daughter!"
Giles blinked, looking at Buffy. "That isn't really tasteful," he said dryly. "Though he was a bit harsh, Buffy. And yes, we can tell you're without proper under things today. Perhaps you forgot a step this morning?"
She stomped off. "Maybe if you win a lottery I'll get to dress your daughter like a real little girl!"
"I'd rather she follow Faith into leather pants and knives," he shot back. He rolled his eyes. "Even if I won one, I'd never retire." He walked off shaking his head. "I'd have to hide from the girls trying to ruin my daughter."
Giles sighed but nodded. "I'd fear that was true." He rubbed his forehead. Buffy really did try all patience sometimes. He had to keep her from shopping for the younger slayers as well. Again. Before they followed her into lacking proper clothing standards.
The next morning Andrew was up first. He had to make breakfast for the girls. He came into the kitchen, staring at the bare backs he could see. "Ladies, did we come down in jammies? That's usually a bad idea because you don't have enough time to get dressed."
"No, we're cute," one of the minis said, smiling at him.
He licked his lips. "We should not be able to see any skin from your knees to your throat, Safia. We can see a lot more than that."
She pouted, stomping a foot. "It's cute! It's picture day at school!"
"We'll let Giles know." He made the first round of breakfast and texted Xander's phone to get him to go wake up Giles. Then he got to work on seconds for breakfast. "Any of you that want to change should hurry up," he noted. "Giles is about to get up. So is Xander." The girls winced but they had a plan last night. Xander had gotten a tiny sleeping potion. Buffy hadn't liked it but oh well! They were girls, they knew how to be cute.
The Council had said they could still be girls if they wanted to be and today they wanted to be. Andrew looked and saw the plotting going on. He hit the emergency lock down button. "Ladies." They stared at him. He stared back. "We should not be able to see any skin from your knees to your collarbones. None of those outfits are school appropriate. Go change. Or else none of us are leaving the house today."
"What's going on!" Buffy shouted as she came in. "Why are we in lockdown!" Andrew waved a hand. "Um... So?"
"GILES!" he shouted. "Someone get his ass up and Xander too please!"
"Way too loud too early," Faith complained as she came in. "Oh. No wonder we're in lockdown. All you trashy ho looking girls go change!" she ordered with a point.
"It's school picture day and we're cute, Safria complained with another footstomp.
"I don't give a shit!" Faith said. "Xander surely won't!"
"I texted him twenty minutes ago," Andrew said. "He's not up."
Faith stared then looked at the girls. "What did you do?" They all shrank away from her. "Go sit in the living room, girls." She pointed with a growl. They ran that way. She looked at Buffy. Then at Andrew. "That the only reason?"
"I couldn't stop them. I couldn't leave to get Giles up. Xander didn't wake up at a text, which is very odd. Yeah, something's going on and they don't need to spread out."
Faith nodded. "Totally agree. Good idea." She went to ask the girls what they had done. With the other higher watchers who were still in the building. "One of you go get up Giles. Only Buffy rushes into his bedroom." Of them went to do that for her. She stared at the girls. "I want an honest answer. What did you do to Xander?"
"Nothing," they said quickly.
"Yeah, bullshit since he didn't wake up at a text," Faith said dryly. "Is his little girl up?" They all shrugged. She sighed. That watcher came back with Giles in his dressing gown over his pajamas. "Someone check Xander?" she suggested.
"He's potioned," that watcher said. "I went there while Giles was putting on his robe. His daughter's fine, just sleeping in today." He looked at the girls. "Why do you all look like those girls on the adult movies?" They glared at him. "You do."
"It's cute!" Safria said loudly.
Giles cleared his throat. "Safria, you are much too young to wear anything you're currently wearing. Skirts for you should not fall above your knee and yours does. Your shirt should be a complete garment and yours is not. It is showing extreme amounts of your back and shoulders, which is making the adults here uncomfortable. Now, who dosed Xander with what, ladies? With his unique situation it could have killed him. And frankly, I'm glad Andrew put us in lockdown!" They pouted at him. "Now, ladies." One raised her hand slightly. "What did you use, Missy?"
"Nighty-night potion?" she guessed. "From the infirmary?"
"Which is dangerous for him to take," Faith said. "It can kill him. Did you give him more than a spoonful?"
"It went into his coffee last night!"
"So you tried to kill your training watcher," Giles decided. "Someone get our doctor in here?" They went to get her from the parking lot and bring her in, and explain it to the others. Including a few press people. The information that the girls had been a bit of a problem this morning and had triggered the lockdown because of it made them quit worrying.
The other watchers and the doctor and nurses came in. They went up to get Xander immediately. The other watchers came in to talk to the girls since Giles apparently had patience this morning. He sounded patient. Priscilla finally got up and came in to scream at the slayers for drugging her father. They all felt bad finally.
It was going to be a very long day. Especially for those who had to nag.
They'd deal with the clothing issue second. When Faith was ready to start nagging on her own.
Giles smiled at the principal he had to meet, shaking his hand. "Sorry about the girls all missing yesterday." He handed over a picture. "They tried to wear that to school and had drugged one of the watchers who usually made them put on more decent things."
The principal stared at the picture then looked at him. "Is Harris all right?"
"We hope so. We expect him to wake up sometime today." He smiled slightly. "His daughter is not very impressed. Though she tried to wear the same trashy outfits. Buffy is no longer allowed to help anyone shop in the house."
"That's probably a good idea." He handed the picture back. "I can see why you kept them home to yell about that drugging and those clothes."
"Andrew put us into lockdown in case we needed to depossess everyone." That got a nod. "But I am sorry that they all missed."
"We can give them an excused absence since they couldn't get out of the building. Though we would have sent them all home in that. Is that young one...."
"Safria. She's in third grade." The principal winced. "Indeed. Also in on that drugging incident. The girls are rather suspended for all after school activities. Including the dance next week. I know a few are on non-sports teams and they're also grounded from them."
"I can fully agree with that. I'd do that with my own children. With some yelling."
"Yes, I got woken up to that yesterday. Even before tea," he said dryly. "They will hopefully never lose that much sense all at once again." He sighed. "Thank you for the indulgence."
"It's not a problem, Mr. Giles. Sometimes girls act up and become a bit of a problem."
"Yes, indeed." He shook his hand again and went back home. This was the last principal he had to talk to today. Of course, that left the mayor, who showed up to see what had happened. Giles told him about the girls drugging Xander and he decided that was just fine and they had covered that up well enough. He went back to the office to note that incident was about the girls having a personal problem instead of a demon problem.
Andrew handed Xander a clean cup of coffee when he finally got up a few days later. "The yelling went on for four hours," he said quietly. "I nearly revived my old ulcer listening from in here." Xander hugged him and sat down to sip his coffee. "Priscilla is being quietly in the library for Faith." Xander grinned. "That guy over Tesla apparently had a robotic child. We should offer Natalie to talk to her about growing up robotic." He let Xander see the article about the kid with the robot designation name.
Xander snorted. "He's a big problem with everyone." He took another drink. "Prissy, I'm up," he called. She came in to hug him then went back to the library. "Thank you for wearing real clothes."
"Faith went through everyone's closet," Andrew said dryly. "Then showed Giles the clothes. The other watchers had the girls do a fashion show of those to make sure they were out of bounds." He grinned. "They all looked like hos and the guys treated them like they would underage strippers." Xander winced. "Oh, we had the social worker here too. She got here during it, stopped the remarks and the fashion show, then nagged the girls about behaving like proper women. She agreed Giles could suspend everyone to the house."
"Great. How much do I have to shop for Prissy?"
"Six outfits. Faith didn't take that branded sweat suit but it's already ripped a seam. A few of the girls taught her how to sew it." Xander grimaced but nodded. "Maybe she'll design clothes."
"Maybe." He finished that cup and got more. "Are they hiding from me?"
"They sure are," he quipped. "And me and Giles and everyone else. Giles had to tell the principals why I put us in lockdown when you didn't wake up at the text message. They all understood after seeing a picture." He let Xander see it. That got a low groan. "It was picture day to quote Safria. They wanted to be cute."
Xander just nodded. "I'm going to have to yell more."
"All the girls are making wishes that you'd win the lottery and retire."
"Even if I had the money of that idiot in the story, I'd still probably not retire. Priss would go to a better school...." He smiled. "And we'd live in our own house. But no. No one else is going to take my place here."
"Good point." He went back to the paper. Giles came in to clap Xander on the shoulder. He showed Giles that story. "He named his kid a robot designation. What happens if we get a girl with that sort of name?"
"By then she'll hopefully have a nickname," Xander quipped. "Or we'll use the single letter of her first name."
Andrew grinned. "That could work." Giles sighed, handing the paper back and getting some hot water for tea. "The schools call?"
"Not yet. Priscilla is out today due to an ear infection, Xander." He nodded once. "Also because she's pouting that the girls were horrified that she had to fix her new sweat suit for breaking."
"They're a whole lot of spoiled little future trophy wives. The teacher thought it was too strong to want her to have good grades," Xander said dryly. "But I can't afford a private school that I'd like her to attend."
"True," Giles said with a pat. "Well, if you win the lottery like all the girls wish you would, we can find her a suitable academy." He went to his office with his steeping tea.
Priscilla came back pouting. "Dad, I think there's a demon in my classroom."
"One of the girls is possessed?" he guessed. It wouldn't surprise him.
"No, a new little boy transferred in and he's named Lucifer."
Xander looked at her. "You're in first grade, so that means he's too old for the child-like appearance of most higher level demons if they can actually do that." He took a drink. "And he's an adult demon. So probably just named after him for some reason, Prissy."
She sighed. "That's good. I didn't want you to smite him. He seems pretty neat."
"I'm sure he is. If only so people like him instead of his name." He gave her a hug. "Even if they're possessed I'd only hit them with holy water. I can't do exorcisms."
"Thanks, Dad!" She went back to the library happier.
Xander blinked, looking at Andrew, who shrugged. "Can they do that? That child-like appearance?"
"Supposedly but none of the ones I've met could when I asked them about that rumor." He shrugged. "Maybe it's only a certain class of demon. You'd have to ask a library guy."
"Probably. Who would name their kid Lucifer?"
Xander shrugged. "Who knows. We've seen worse. One of her first kindergarten's kids was named Asshole in German if you translated it. Apparently it was Mom's Grandad's pet name from Grandma."
Andrew winced. "Wow. You hear stories." He walked off shaking his head.
Xander nodded. "Some countries have naming standards. The US does not. As proven by that guy with the robotic daughter." He sighed, getting a third cup of coffee. "Do I have training today?"
"Probably not. The girls will still try to hide from you so they don't have to apologize."
"I'll kick all their asses in sparring again, making them pouty." He went to see if he had things to do today. Or if he was free to help his daughter with her homework. He ran into the girls when they got home and smirked at them. "I heard about that wishing. No wish demons will ever come for a slayer or watcher, especially not about my family.
"So nice try!" He smirked. "You've all got sparring with me today, ladies. And for the rest of the week." They moaned but went to change for sparring practice. Even the littler ones that he didn't usually get mean with were getting him today.
That night one of the minis went to ask a library watcher why no wish demons would come near them. He blinked at her then took off his glasses. "I believe it's where Xander used to date a vengeance demon," he admitted. "They're not allowed to curse him and any wish is a curse as well, Mina."
She pouted. "That blows."
"Yes but even if you all got your wishes, he still probably wouldn't retire because none of us could handle it without his input and weapons. The older watchers of us would adore having more sensible people to handle his duties but there hasn't been one that's appeared yet." She walked off pouting. He shook his head. He'd adore to make a wish to get more watchers but with that double edged sword clause they'd probably all be like the boy.
The Council and the world would not last through a dozen or more Xanders.
Though they'd probably never be invaded again.
Priscilla looked at her father. "Why don't we play the lottery?"
"Because we don't need to." He looked at her. "I'd rather people win it who really need the money than people who don't."
"We never have money."
"We do have money, we don't have a lot," he corrected. "I make a good paycheck. We have a good yearly income."
She sighed but nodded. "It's still weird." He shrugged. She pouted about that. "Can I do that when I'm older?"
"We'll see if you want to. That's not a mandatory thing and not everyone does do scratch offs or anything."
"I didn't think about that." She went to think and stare outside. She was bored. She had done her homework, no one was watching tv, and she didn't like to read. One of the older slayers tried to sneer about her staring outside but Giles heard and swatted her for it. She got to walk off pouting. Priscilla just settled in to watch the cars go past again. Her dad would find her when he wanted to hang out with her. Or anyone else. Buffy wasn't allowed but the others could hang out with her.
Xander was in the pickup line for the kids, nodding at a parent he didn't know. "Hey, Priscilla's mine."
She smiled. "My son introduced us."
"You must be Lucifer's mom then."
"I am. I was in the middle of a big problem and wished that any being would help me get out of it and if they did I'd name the kid after them. A demon helped me so I named it after their head guy." She shrugged but smiled.
"That's cool. She was worried I'd have to try an exorcism." The mother grinned. "If you haven't heard, there's a few spoiled ones in the classroom."
"I've noticed. Most schools have a few."
"We have ones that complained that I expect Prissy to have good grades."
"Oh, that sort of spoiled. My son will give them looks like they're minions." He grinned at that, nodding a bit. The bell rang and the kids came out by classroom. That way the first group of parents could clear out sooner to avoid clogging up the pickup area. Her son and a few of the girls came out together. She stared at him. "Where did you get the paint in your hair?"
"They had a paint fight in art," he said then grimaced. "I need a bath."
"I think you do. This is Priscilla's dad." Xander grinned and waved.
The kid waved back. "Your daughter's neat but a bit weird and very girly."
"That's her Aunt Buffy's fault," he admitted. His daughter came out. "What the hell are you wearing?" he demanded. "And what's on your face?" She pouted at him, waving the note. He took it to read. "In the car. We're going to the ER. Your eyes look like the last time I got chemical exposure." He grinned at the staring parents. "She's not allowed to do that." He got her into the car and took her to the local ER. He handed the check-in nurse the note from the teacher about the paint fight and how she had decided to use some of the acrylic paint for makeup practice. With the help of two other girls who put it on her so it was even.
The nurse smiled. "It should be kid safe." He picked the daughter up to let her see her face. "Oh, your eyes are very red. Let's get that cleaned off then and check your eyes for damage, dear." She got them checked in and the nurse practioner she'd be seeing warned. They wanted to laugh but it wasn't really that funny.
Xander leaned into the classroom the next day. "Prissy's in bed. You guys didn't realize that she's allergic to that paint." The teacher winced. "She's on massive steroids and a valium because she freaked out when we had to scrub to get it off her eyelids. By the way, she's also got some eye trauma from that getting in to her eyes.
"Can you talk to the art teacher? I'm going to talk to the principal to warn her." He went to do that before the teacher could even remark. They had to have some words. Xander got let into the office. "So, your nurse didn't realize that an allergic reaction was going on?"
"I...was not aware of anything, Mr. Harris." He handed over the note. "I was out yesterday." She got the nurse in there. And the art teacher. "Apparently we had a problem yesterday with Priscilla Harris?" she asked.
"Her regular teacher said she was fine when I tried to get it off," the nurse said.
"You missed the hives and welts and the eye damage," Xander said, handing over the medical excuse. "The nurses started out being really amused at the kid incident but then they saw how she was scarring from the welts and hives." He stared at the art teacher.
"The other girls talked her into it."
"She is very suggestible right now. It's her Aunt Buffy's fault. Buffy gave her ideas of dressing like a popular little ho. I had to stop that trend too. The teacher thought it was so special of her and cute."
The art teacher nodded. "I'll keep her from the acrylic paints."
"Thank you." He grinned at the nurse. "She'll have a steroid cream and an epi pen from now on about this stuff, just in case. Well, when she gets back in three days. She's stuffed full of steroids and valium right now."
"I fully understand and I can make a note of that in case someone has to sub for me, Mr. Harris. I'm really sorry I didn't realize."
"It happens. I know those things take time." They left with a nod. He looked at the principal. "Doesn't she have art at eleven?" The woman winced but nodded. "Did she see her after one or so?"
"No. Not that I'm aware of. I'll talk with that teacher."
"Thanks. Let me get her some ice cream." He went to do that. He ran into Lucifer and his mom. "She was allergic to the paint," he quipped. "We spent four hours in the ER treating it and the scarring from the hives and welts." The mother winced. He looked at the boy. "Can you kinda watch her back for a bit? Make sure the girls don't talk her into more stupid things?"
"I can try. Girls never listen to me."
Xander patted him on the head. "Me either and I train the slayers. Which sucks sometimes." He headed back to the slayer house via a grocery store.
Lucifer looked up at his mom. "He's got a really hard job."
"Yes he does. Especially if the girls don't listen to him." She got him in for the day and headed home to handle things that had to get done.
Priscilla showed up and went right to the office. "I know I'm out of dress code," she said, handing over the note. "I had the hives break open last night. It's the only stuff that won't stick to the nasty gooey stuff."
The principal came out to get the note to read over, giving her a smile. "You're not too far out of dress code, Priscilla. It's a reasonable exception in your case. Your father didn't bring you?"
"He's flying out to Belgium since last night. One of the girls had a bad breakup with her boyfriend that included throwing him out a window and the officers." She grimaced. "Apparently she walked in and found him in bed with a few girls and kinda on something stupid according to Dad." The principal winced but nodded. "So he's gotta handle that and Uncle Rupert brought me today."
"That's fine, dear. We'll tell your teacher." She looked her over. "The cream should go to the nurse."
"Oh, yeah." She pulled that baggie out of her backpack to hand over. "For the gooey, icky things that broke open. And the pills are tylenol because I ache a lot."
"I can understand that, dear." She took her to the nurse to hand that over and then to the classroom. The teacher grimaced. "All those hives broke open so she's wearing something that won't stick to the injuries she has. She has medicines with the nurse for when she needs more cream or some tylenol." She left her with her teacher.
Priscilla shrugged. "At least it didn't hurt my eyes permanently. Those welts cleared up faster." She sat in her usual seat and winced then shifted and it was okay again. "Stupid welts," she muttered.
Lucifer looked over. He didn't like to play before school because he didn't know any of the other kids yet. "Are you okay?"
"The hives and welts hurt and they broke open last night."
"Yeah. They're gross. But I'm okay and I don't look like a mummy. I did most of last night." She grimaced. "And I can wear clothes today."
"That's good," he said, grinning at her. "Your dad asked me to make sure you don't get hurt today."
"Please. I'm a bit scattered. The steroids they gave me give me a headache and made me think weird things." He nodded at that. She put her head down on her desk until the others came in.
"You can't sleep in class. If you need to, you should've stayed home," the teacher ordered.
She glared at her. "No one's at home. Dad's on his way to Belgium. Everyone else is heading to Georgia and a battle tonight." The teacher shuddered. "So unless I want go to the high school to hang out with the overnight kid sitter today, I had to come here today." She put her head back down, then rubbed a spot and shifted again. "Stupid welts."
"You can rest with the nurse," the teacher said.
"That'll be awkward for her to sit in my lap while she works at her desk since that's the only chair in there the last time I saw it." She scowled at her. "I'm actually ahead on my homework too if you want it already." She put her head back down. "I'll sit up when class actually starts."
Lucifer smiled at her. "Headache?" She nodded. He did have to poke her a bit when the other kids came in after the bell rang. She sat up rubbing her face with a sigh. "Your arm's bleeding stuff."
She looked and sighed, raising her hand. "I need to go get a bandage." She showed the new wet spot and made the teacher flinch back. "Hives and welts suck for this stuff, sorry." She trudged to the nurse's office, showing her the arm spot. The nurse sighed and got her some bandages to put on. Prissy was pouting by oh well. "Can I have one of my tylenol now? My head hurts."
She checked her forehead and nodded, handing her one. "You should have stayed home."
"No one's there. Everyone left early this morning for Georgia and Dad's been on a plane since late last night." She yawned. "It's Thursday, right?" She nodded. "Can you tell the gym teacher?"
"Yes, dear, I will." She walked her back there. "Let her rest," she told the teacher. "I'll see her after lunch." She walked off to the gym. The teacher came out to stare at her. "Priscilla Harris has a lot of sores on her body from an allergic reaction," she said quietly. "She's covered in seeping welts and hives."
"Can you let her nap on the bleachers?"
"Gladly. Poor kid."
"She's allergic to the acrylic paint they used in art class, which the girls encouraged her to put on like makeup." The gym teacher shuddered. "Oh, yes. She's fairly worn out but no one's at home today."
"Parents both working?"
"Single parent is on a plane to Belgium. She's related to a watcher."
"Oh. Yeah, no one's probably at home. I can let her nap on the bleachers."
"Thank you. I'll change her bandages after you have her after lunch." She went back to her office to make that note. She heard someone crying and went to check. One of the older girls was sobbing in an empty room so she got her calmed down and talking. Girls had such bad problems sometimes.
Xander barely made it to Georgia in time to help with the artillery and then made it home in time to find his daughter was suspended from school for some reason. He was awfully tired but he could go talk to that principal. He stared at her as he walked in. "And what happened now?" he asked dryly, waving the note.
"She should have stayed home."
"No one was home. We had a battle. I had to fly to Belgium, get there, handle the girl that threw her scummy boyfriend out a window into a river because he had five whores in their bed, and then fly to Georgia for a battle. Who do you think was going to stay with her?"
"Who watched her overnight?"
"One of the other slayers that's not doing battles. Did you expect her to skip school?"
"No." She grimaced. "I realize you're a single parent."
"Yeah." He nodded. "And the other girls all had to go to school too. Because everyone was in Georgia, even the nurses in our infirmary. Two other girls had to go to the middle school we use even though they had the flu because no one was there to watch over them. Sorry but reality this time. So why was she suspended for that?"
"She kept falling asleep in class."
"Steroids do that to a lot of people."
"For the allergic reaction?" he prompted. "Lots of hives and welts?"
"Oh, she's on those."
"Yeah. I would've loved to keep her home for a few extra days but not an option. And you're punishing her for being sick."
"It won't go in her records."
He blinked a few times. "If you had put her somewhere like the library and let her curl up in a corner, I would've been okay with that. Instead you tried to suspend her to a building that had no one in it until we got home an hour ago." She winced at that. "I'm sorry but that seems really fishy to me."
"I had no idea."
"If you had asked her she would've told you that. It's not the first time we all had to go to a battle and leave one kid sitter overnight."
"No it's not." She sighed. "Is she awake now?"
"Probably not. She was asleep in the kitchen on a countertop with a cup of soup in the microwave. I'm really shocked Andrew taught her to microwave already." She winced again. "How did she even get home?"
"I assume the bus."
"We don't bus."
"Oh." She considered it. "I have no idea, Mr. Harris. But something really must be arranged. She can't be in that sort of shape and here."
"The hospital said she could come back the next day."
"Oh." She sighed. "I still think there has to be someone who can stay with the children if you're all off."
"We're understaffed by fifteen people, at least, for field battles and duties. You're lucky this is the first time it's come up. There's only so many of us. We're stretched pretty thin or I wouldn't have had to hit Belgium and then Georgia and then here in two days."
"No significant other to watch over her for you?"
"Dear, I date arms dealers. Assassins too." The woman shuddered. "I mean, I could've asked one for a favor but that would mean my daughter got to meet agents for them being in the US." He shifted to lean against the doorway. "If that was your intention why not give her in-school suspension?"
"I...did not make that choice. The teacher did."
"Ah, that one." He nodded once. "I'm really not happy with her and all the problems she's been causing."
"I'm aware of most of them."
"Would you like to have a talk with her?"
"I think I can. Is your daughter coming back tomorrow?"
"No clue. That may depend on how well she does on her first day off her meds." The older woman grimaced. "I do not like this trend. At all," he warned. "It's getting fishier than a McFish sandwich." She nodded with a sigh. "And I think I can tell the root of the problem."
"I'll have a talk with her. Is she all right?"
"Probably. She's still napping. I put her into bed and had Andrew pay some attention to her while I came here." He walked off looking displeased.
Xander met with the Council's lawyer, handing over the paperwork he had been sent. "I want them out of there."
"The whole board?"
"No, there's a teacher and two members of the board doing this." He handed over the information he had. "Her teacher specifically. I've talked to the principal about her and her weird things a few times. The principal is stuck and she's tried to be understanding. The nurse's helped a lot. A few other teachers in the school are pretty decent.
"It's not just my daughter either. Giles was heaving a fit last night that the one girl in catholic school was being kicked out for being a slayer." The lawyer nodded once, making a note. "One of the girls in middle school has had every single problem land on her head without her participating."
"I can understand that." He looked over the letter of intent to hold Prissy back. "This absence?" Xander handed over the medical paperwork. And the notice of suspension that left his daughter at home alone. He winced at that. "They had to know."
"She told them! Though I did have a talk with Emmery about leaving her here for a few hours while she went to take a test second period."
He made more notes. "Emmery was unreasonable in that but probably trying to problem solve. Priscilla can probably handle three hours by herself?"
"Then no she can't." He sighed, going back to the notes they had made. "Her grades are fairly reasonable."
"I had to push that. The teacher thought I was being mean to her by expecting good grades."
The lawyer looked up at him. "That's what most parents would want."
"Exactly. She thought me making Prissy camp each time Buffy got hold of her was mean too."
"Have you thought about a nanny?"
"Am I really nanny hiring people?"
"No, you're not, Harris." He made that note as well. "Even if you could afford it."
"Oh, I could," he said dryly. "I'm not that sort. She's my daughter and I do most of her care."
"Is Emmery old enough to drive?"
"She's seventeen. She has her license, her CPR license, all the stuff the social workers made sure of before we put her on as the housesitter. We made sure. We have too many girls with social workers here to not ask about the regulations or demands first."
"That's sensible." He made that note. "I'm assuming the one we usually see?"
"We asked Miss Natalie at the hospital, she's a social worker with them. We were about to hit the battle in Belgrade so we asked about how to set up a housesitter slayer. She gave us regs and Emmery fit most of them. So she volunteered out of the few who won't want to patrol."
"That's fine. The Council has become very good to the girls. The same as you're a decent enough parent." He looked through them again. "Let me call and then we'll talk with you and Giles?"
"Please." He walked off rubbing his forehead.
The lawyer came out a few hours later, looking amused. "They assumed that you had some sort of trust fund from Anya's estate."
"Why would I have gotten much of anything? We weren't together anymore. I left her at the altar." Xander looked confused.
"No idea. That was their thought process." Xander shook his head. "Now they know you're a normal guy who is a parent. They're still against you for being Council. The local schools have teachers who want to remove the girls."
Xander sighed. "Great. She's not a slayer."
"They don't care, Xander. You work here." Xander rolled his eye but nodded. "The full board looked at it and denied the attempt to hold her back. They're also very sorry." Xander stared at him. "Though that may not stop them going after all the girls in the near future. They consider it dangerous for the other students." Xander nodded once. "Did we have to deal with that?"
"Twice," Giles said. "The first to enroll them and the second after the invasion when they got worried some of their students were there."
"So this is mystical attempt three?" Xander asked. Giles nodded. "Well, they're in for a rude shock." Giles winced. The lawyer looked smug. "I was known as an act of karma a few times in Africa." He grinned sweetly. "Also, they forgot that someone had to teach Anya how to invest." Giles gave him an odd look. "Back in '86, Grandma died and left me all her shares of stocks she had just bought. Including Microsoft. On their IPO day."
Giles moaned at that, shaking his head. "I have a trust. I don't use it. I don't pay much attention to it. But I do have one." He grinned. "I get an equal pay from it related to my paycheck. Which is why I don't let the little mini me shop." He smirked at the lawyer, who shuddered. "I did however inherit the stocks Anya had."
The lawyer moaned. "I knew you had something. You didn't complain often enough about expensive car repairs, boy."
Xander chuckled but nodded. "Yeah, I don't pay attention to that because my car got Andrew'd. And I don't want her to know. She's to be raised as a normal little girl." He looked around the room. "Also, whoever is doing the wishing that I win the lottery so I retire? I won't retire. There's no one to replace me."
"If wish demons would answer us, I nearly made a wish to have more field watchers," the library guy said dryly. "But I'm also scared of how out of control they'd become."
Xander walked over to hug him. "Go ask the guys I worked with in Africa, who jokingly called themselves my cult. They've proven they can do the job and guard the girls down there for us all. From all over the world, have traveled, many were military. Or agents." He grinned at Giles.
"They're very handy at all that stuff and would love to train other girls elsewhere or help them handle battles." He strolled off. "Let me get pretty for this upcoming meeting. I may need to liquidate something to look more important. Then again, half of us do have titles, even though it doesn't matter over here."
"Half of us?" Giles demanded, looking around. The others with titles all shrugged. "More than half, Xander." He paused. "You do?" he demanded loudly. Xander shot him a grin from the hallway. "How in any hell realm did that happen?" He looked. "Someone find out if he has one." One of the guys nodded and texted someone who could ask someone to look it up.
"Your Honor, they have my name incorrect," Xander said patiently, looking very nice in his fashionable suit and diamond earring, his hair all nicely done up. His shoes shiny and professional looking. "They stated it was Xander and it is not. That's a nickname."
"Then what is your name, the full formal one, Mr. Harris?"
"Sir Alexander Lavelle Harris-Johnson-Marcarda-Blessings-Tyler."
The judge blinked. "Hyphenated when you got married?"
"Mostly against my will and semi-legal in some areas but they would be recognized by the US now." He smiled. "I've been married against my will three times, and two more that were gay men doing such against my will but that would be a bit more iffy if legal in the US; even though gay marriage is, it's not in the areas that it happened." The judge stared at him oddly.
He grinned. "Some contacts I had in Africa while I was training the slayers. They ...coveted. I was busy. They decided I should not be as busy." He shrugged but looked smug. "Technically I'm a widow twice and the last one is in jail somewhere in Arizona for being a serial killer who coveted me."
"You are not the normal man, Mr. Harris. Is that 'sir' a formal title?" Xander handed over the paperwork on that. "Oh, I see it is." He read that announcement of why it was given. "You did what?"
"Saved the Tower of London from a demon humping it."
"I see." He put it aside. He was ignoring the choking from the teachers and Mr. Giles. "What do you go by legally?"
"In the US? Alexander Lavelle Harris is on my driver's license. The full name wouldn't fit and if I claim it formally agents show up to nag."
"I can see why. Fine, I'll amend your subpoena to reflect the official name on your driver's license since that would be legal within the US." He made that note. "Swear Mr. Harris in please."
Xander took his vow and sat down, arranging himself and unbuttoning his suit jacket. He smiled at the teachers. "The daughter does not know and will not know. She's shielded from any of that knowledge so she grows up normal." That lawyer grimaced at that. He looked at the Council lawyer, who looked amused. Xander had noted that to him before they had gotten here today.
"For the sake of agents who will probably try to pounce us, what were those spouses into?"
"Mostly? Weapons. A serial killer of each gender as well. One very corrupt wannabe warlord. He and the other two were into weapons more than anything else." He shifted to cross his feet. "They helped with battles but people in their lives hated that they had found something outside the business.
"So they fixed that problem that they saw and I inherited a lot of their things." He grinned, touching his ear then putting his hand down. "I don't use it much. I'm a normal guy handling normal guy things like battles."
"You consider that normal?"
"For working with the slayers, yes." He smiled and nodded. "I definitely do."
"Your daughter doesn't know?"
"No. I've kept it from her and made sure even if someone tells her she won't hear it. I want my daughter to have a normal person life, find a good career, all that. Hopefully outside the Council."
"Would you say the same thing about a son?" he asked.
"Yes. Because I don't want my kids to have to face down a battle and wish that they had died a few years earlier instead."
"I didn't think about that. Most people would not want their children in battles." He got the statements from the school board to hand over. "What are those, Mr. Harris?"
"You've been married?" Buffy demanded loudly as they walked into the house.
"Yeah." He nodded. "The kid knew about two of them, they had her dressed up as the flower girl." He shrugged. "Not totally my choice but they thought it'd be neat." She gaped, staring in horrified awe. He grinned. "Why do you ask?"
"I haven't even gotten close to being married!" she complained.
"Yeah, I've done things you haven't. Including peed on a snake by accident and had to get an anti-venom shot. So?"
He grinned. "What? Want introduced to some of the ones I dated?" He walked around her. He heard Willow ranting about that idea so he pulled up the profile done on him by someone down there and emailed it to Giles. He could hand it to Willow then duck her temper going off.
Buffy stomped past him to go to the office after Giles had texted her. She tried to shove Xander into a wall but he didn't move very much. It took a few minutes but she started to complain loudly too. He grinned at Andrew. "They just heard I had been married before."
Andrew nodded, handing him a bag with dinner. "Have a great picnic, Xander." He and his little girl went to eat in the park once he got changed.
Priscilla looked up at him. "Dad, do I have siblings?"
"From me? Not that I'm aware of. Though, the ones who made you, maybe. I haven't really looked into it after I brought them down."
"Do I have another parent? The teacher asked and I had to say I didn't know."
"Well, yeah, you're not a clone so you have to have another parent." He grimaced. "That's complicated."
"Because..." He sighed. "The ones who made you were ...really stupid," he admitted finally. "They wanted better watchers. That whole file is really wrong in a lot of ways." She grimaced but nodded. "Actually, I do need to look at that program to make sure they're still ended." He sent a text to someone.
They pretended not to know him so he reminded him who he was. And why he was asking. He said he'd get those files to him later that week so he could look into it again. "We'll look over it and make sure you don't have siblings."
She looked at him. "I heard Auntie Buffy yelling about the marriages." He nodded, sipping his gatorade. "Do I have siblings from them that would be step-kids to you?"
He considered that. "Only one. She's about seventeen, we've never met, and she's in a boarding school." She grinned at that. "I have no idea if she even knows that her father died." He grimaced. "I'm not sure if I should let you write to her or not."
"Let me ask a few people about what she knows first." She nodded, humming as she dug into the food. They both looked at the slayer strolling their way. "We're having a picnic, Stella."
She nodded. "We all evacuated because Willow turned Giles into a pet. And then Buffy when she complained." Xander winced. "Who's second-in-command?"
"Hevens. Though I'm going to bust his ass into a jail cell if he tries anything. How soon can the coven change him back?"
"They don't want to. I'm trying to figure out who has a debt."
Xander shook his head, calling someone. "I'm calling in a mayday debt," he said quietly. "Rosenburg lost her ever-killing little mind and turned Giles into a pet. Yeah, because that means the next guy can undo a lot of things. Which means the Council goes to war." He grinned at his daughter.
"No, I'm having a picnic because Willow and Buffy found out I had been married when they haven't even gotten a long term relationship. Please. Yes, I'll owe you some. You can have some hellmouth taint or blood if you want. Thanks, man." He hung up. "A sorcerer." Stella shuddered. He grinned. "Call in."
She did that. "It's me. I found Xander and Pris. Yeah, he's back? Great! No, Xander asked a sorcerer. Thanks, dear." She hung up, looking at him. "He's in ghostly form but his body is presently mid-change back to human. Who was that?"
"If I need to I'll introduce you some day."
"Was it the guy with the cape?" Priscilla asked.
"No. One out of Germany."
"Oh." She nodded, eating some more. "Dad's met a number of them. One of them blessed me to a chaos god."
Xander grinned and nodded. "Yes he did. And it was nice that the chaos god came down to ask you to quit being so power giving when you were always annoyed as a three-year-old, daughter." Stella walked off hugging herself. They shared a grin and got back to dinner.
When they came back that night, Giles was back in human form, looked a bit evil, and really mad. "Did Gregory have you possessed too?" Xander quipped, his daughter in his arms because she was half asleep.
"No," he said dryly. "Why did you do that?"
"Because it was that or sending Hevens to hell." He grinned. "And I was told the coven wouldn't."
"Yes, they wanted him to change some things around."
Xander smirked. "I'll protect the girls if he gets the big chair. The girls can evac while we have that small war and Andrew can take over for us."
Giles sipped his tea, nodding. "He'd need some tactical planning skills."
"He used to world build, Giles. He's got some. It's never used anymore outside games. That's where I learned it from too." He smirked.
"That figures," he admitted then sighed. "He did try to do a few things, including firing you."
"I can move, dude." He looked at the staring watchers. "I can easily move and just be a hunter that steps in now and then. Of course, that means all the stuff I brought into the Council is coming with me. Including the weapons. And this building." They all whined at that. He smiled. "None of us are going to let you backslide, people. Did you think I was nice?" He grinned. They shrank away from him. He shifted his daughter to his other shoulder. "So anyway, do I need to go pack us up?"
"No. Though the girls did rather...search your apartment."
"They can put whatever they found back too. Especially since nothing's up there. I've locked the bank account and changed all the cards out so Buffy can't do that again. Or Willow. Anything financial is kept in a magically hidden box in the truck because I've seen her trying to steal from me too."
"That would be wrong of her. You could have her charged?"
"Yeah." He smiled and nodded. "If I wanted to go to an agent to talk about all the wrong around here? I'd get an immunity deal for the weapons while they all went to jail. We'd be down to three people and Andrew. Plus about three-quarters of the girls if we included local level crimes."
Giles winced. "Oh, dear."
"I've chosen so far to handle it in-house as it's called." He gave him a pointed look. "But let it endanger my daughter. Just even a tiny bit, Giles."
"She should probably be safer away from the battles then, Xander."
"Well, no other parent. The group that made her didn't exactly use nice people to create future watchers." One of the old liners choked. "Yeah, she came from that program out of Leeds," he said dryly with a smirk. "What a shock, huh?" They all whined at that. "So yeah, keep it up." They shrank away from him.
"And everything's in safety deposit boxes in safely anti-magicable banks. Even the two you seem to have pulled...those aren't mine. Well, they are but not with what you expect. Those are battle videos." He grinned. "And not the only copies.
"If those are found to have been tampered with or stolen then the *whole* group goes to reporters in the BBC. I like how they handle demon battles." He found the remote and turned on the tv in there to the pay channels, then found the BBCA station. "Let's see what their news people report tonight, shall we?"
Giles moaned. "Xander, that's evil."
He grinned. "Thanks." He smiled at the old liners. "There will be *no* backsliding to where it had been before the rest of you got blown up. Ever. If it does, I'll help rebuild it again." He stared at one, who was shrinking down. "Now, any other desires you want tonight that I can counter?"
"No," one said. "You're a Lord?""
"I'm a Knight. Though yes, I am, and I know that but I have not seen fit to claim that. Should I? If I need to I can do that." They all shook their heads. "You sure?" They nodded. "Great. Let me get Pris to bed then." He strolled off. "Remember, I learned how to counter plots from Willow and her mother, people. I had more girl-like training than guy training."
Giles finished his laced tea, nodding. "Yes, I can see that. It is very much a vindictive girl plan." He looked at them. "Now that you've endangered all our works...." They groaned. "Someone do ask the BBC nicely to not put those out there all at once?"
"Will they really care?" one asked.
"Yes," Giles said. "One of them had the present ruler of a major country possessed. The scandal will be massive and reach up into alliances in the northern hemisphere. His report was short but bad enough that Callais drank heavily that night."
"Oh, that battle," Callais said dryly. "Yes, that's going to be charming when it overthrows three European governments for having demon possessed people." He winced and looked up the BBC's number online so he could talk to someone there about those battle tapes they now had possession of. Though the editor he talked to didn't know that and went looking. What he found was not amusing. "Oh, dear, everything and all of his reports, Rupert."
Giles nodded. "That's what I had figured." He stared at them. "You lot started it." They groaned, going to do some damage control. They even asked Andrew if he could find and remove some of those tapes before they got shown.
Andrew looked at them as they came into the kitchen. "I'm almost certain it's went to agents too," he said before they could say anything. "Especially the ones overseas since he knows not to trust a lot of the agents in the US. With the ones he ran into in the field, there's going to be a ton of shit coming." They sighed but nodded.
"As for the BBC, they're still downloading to them. Can I stop that? No. They're on a super secured server that's hidden on the dark web. Jonathan might've been able to do that. I know Willow can't. Maybe a few agents could stop that but do we want to ask them and possibly involve more agents?"
"No, we'd rather not have any agents."
Andrew nodded. "Too late on that, by a few weeks. Mina's uncle showed up a few weeks back to start something against her and he's an agent. An idiot but an agent. Actually, you guys putting that out there so you can do damage control as it comes out means that he can't use that to snatch Mina and the other girls. So it was a good enough plan that you guys made Xander go to."
"Shite," one muttered, going to tell Rupert that. He was aware that crank had been an agent but hadn't thought about him trying them to discredit and ruin the girls.
"We'll handle it as we have all the other information that came to light about the old Council," Giles sighed, looking at him. "Though I would leave Xander out of any plots. Permanently."
"He doesn't have magic."
"Are you certain the hellmouth taint he carries can't be used that way?" Giles asked with a pleasant smile. "I wouldn't be so certain."
The man considered that. "That can't be healthy."
"It's been his whole life."
"Oh." He walked off to tell the others. They weren't pleased. They monitored what came out and it was nasty. Supremely nasty. A bit was salacious since some agents put out information on who Xander had slept with when they ran into him. Xander laughed and put up something on his new twitter account, started just for this, to point out a few things in video form.
It didn't make him look angelic by any means but it did show that the agents who tried that move were involved in *why* a few things had happened and then he added one bombshell at the end that made the agents lock down their buildings and go on a hunt for their own people. Xander was quite pleased.
Giles, not even the tiniest bit amused. But that happened sometimes. Xander could always go back to another house to get out of the way of the stress.
Xander dropped Priscilla off at school the next morning, staring down at her. "Be safe, be healthy, be smart, and don't come home with a note that wasn't you defending yourself," he ordered. "If they try it, you can end it and I won't be mad, but never start it."
"Yes, Dad," she sighed. She headed for the playground.
Lucifer, Pris's little friend, came over to stare at Xander. "Did you really take out that huge demon with a big, huge gun?"
"Yeah, a few of them." He nodded with a grin. "And with a sword, and with my battle axe a few times. It had to happen to protect others." He patted him on the head. "Sometimes you do what you gotta do. Even if people complain."
He considered that. "I feel that way about playing in the mud sometimes." He went to find Priscilla to hang out with her.
Xander grinned at Lucifer's mom, who was grinning back. "The old liners tried to get into things to annoy me. So the automatic releases happened." He got back into his truck and went back to the Council. They were having a meeting about how bad this was going to be and he was the only one who knew everything that was on the release schedule.
Xander's agent friend showed up with the box of notes for him. "Did you mean to piss off every single agency?" the guy asked with a grin.
"That wasn't my intention, Sam, but hey!" He grinned, taking the box. "They tried to backslide and annoy me into quitting." He shrugged. "Thanks for finding this for me. Pris wanted to know if she had siblings."
"Yeah, she does." Xander winced. "Not only your stepdaughter, who does know about all that. She hates you by the way."
"It wasn't my fault."
"She was informed of that but she's seventeen."
"I deal with many girls like that daily. I'll let Pris try to write her once to see if she'd like to do that."
"She might. She hated how her father died."
"His people did it."
"I know. So does she. She might take that group down. That would break some of the support for your former group down there."
"They'll be fine. Most of them were out of the business anyway."
"True." He clapped him on the arm. "Pris okay? We heard she got sick."
"She's allergic to the paint they use in art class. The girls in there talked her into decorating herself with it, including as makeup. Four hours of ER visit to get it off, get her valium to calm down, and a lot of steroids later...."
"Shit," Sam Wilson said then shook his head. "But she's good?"
"She's fine. Mouthy as usual." He grinned. "I told her this morning to end anything she needed to but not to start it."
"That beats you baiting people to take a swing so you could hit 'em," Sam decided. He shook his head again. "So much like you."
"Isn't that really better for the world though." He winked. "Let me go over this stuff."
"Sure. Is there more hidden?"
"Of course." He smirked. "A few of the battles that'll creep out everyone and a few other things. Including how Pris came to be."
"Can anyone get into them?"
"Yeah, I've got a few names on that list who have no idea who I am. Because they could handle the fallout. And one's my icon." He grinned. "He doesn't know about me at all."
"I doubt that after the last few days." He walked off shaking his head. "Slip me that list of names someday, Harris."
"It's in the diary I gave to that one person."
"I'll ask her for it. She had no idea why you handed her a diary in a language she didn't read."
"Because she should've had it translated."
"Point." He grinned back but got into his car and drove off.
Xander took the box back to the center to go over. He settled in Giles' office while the older man was doing paperwork. "On the Leeds program that made Pris." He handed him that file after glancing through it. "She asked if she has siblings."
"That's what I'm figuring out." He went back to looking over the files. He hummed at one point. "They did try. A son. Hey!" He grinned. "Not born yet."
Giles shuddered. "You're a very fussy father, Xander." Xander smirked at that. "Your son would be chaos incarnate however."
"Well, Gregory did bless her to a chaos god, who did come down to politely ask her to give him less power while she was three."
Giles took off his glasses to rub at his eyes. "Yes, I can see that. Does he still get power from her?"
"All kids are chaotic sources of power, Giles."
"Loki. She told him his hair was pretty."
"Oh, dear. After all that...."
"No, that was before the invasion. The year before actually. Back when the reports of Thor falling were going around. Which he did." He went back to looking. "He's in London."
"His girlfriend is there." He grinned. "She's a bit scattered but fairly okay."
"She's under the slayers' there protection."
"That's good then." He went back to looking over that file, grimacing. "They really did screw up grandly. They should have encouraged more breeding."
"The ones they wanted kids from they didn't want to raise them."
"Point. They probably never wanted you to raise Priscilla."
Xander nodded. "They were horrified I heard. Especially since I was in there cuddling the kids in the nursery when they came in one day and UK agents were waiting on them. So very not pleased." He smirked.
"I can see why. Thankfully most of the names attached are gone?"
"Nope. In jail I hope."
"That would be nice." Xander was staring at one file then sighing. "Your son?"
"He's in stasis. Born but in stasis. I need to contact someone."
"You could go over."
"I could. Pris would love going to England. She likes the girls in that house." He smiled. "But that would leave them to start more shit."
"Perhaps but I think we've solved that." Xander handed over something. "No, you are to go stop that, Xander." He put the sheet that had the current orders, as of last week, down. "Please. Before I have a charming child as well."
"They tried, the embryo didn't implant." He handed over that file. Giles growled. "I recognize two names."
"As do I unfortunately. I'll be talking with them. How did we get this?"
"Sam Wilson. He's almost, kinda SHIELD related."
"SHIELD is one I do not like." Xander nodded he agreed. "Can he help you stop it?"
"The new Captain America?"
"Oh, him. Yes, quite charming of him to help us. Do we have someone over there who can help you end them?"
"Of course." He smiled. "Even in SHIELD. But I can start more subtly." He got up, taking the files he wanted with him. "It'll take me two weeks."
"That's fine, Xander. Do have some fun while you're over there."
"Of course." He winked at him before heading up to pack for both of them. He went to the school, smiling at the principal, who was unhappy to see him. "We're going to England for a few weeks on assignment. Did you want her to do reports on anything cultural I bring her to?"
"If she must," she complained. "Why are you going over there?"
"Because there's a program who's trying to make her a little brother." He smiled.
"Oh," she said then shuddered. "I see. Do have fun stopping it."
"Yes I will. She'll get to hit a few museums." He strolled up to the classroom, leaning in. "Pris, let's hit it. We've got to hit England for a few weeks. You can do reports on the museums and stuff."
"Why?" she asked, looking up from sitting on a crying girl's back.
"Because someone's trying to make you a baby brother, dear. What did she do?"
"Tried to hurt herself," Lucifer said. "She was beating herself up so we stopped her."
"Oh, sure." He looked up the hallway. "Officer Jacob," he called quietly. He came rushing over. "The kiddo had to stop a kid trying to hurt herself."
"I wish the teacher had told us." He came in to help the girl up and she kept trying to rip her hair out.
Xander came in to check her over. "Not possessed." He tipped the girl's face up. "Hi. What's wrong?"
"Everything! It's all wrong and nasty and evil and I can't stop it!"
Xander nodded. "That's my job, not yours until you're an adult, Princess." He grinned. "Even if it's all wrong in here, not your job. I fight evil, it's my job." The girl stared at him. He nodded. "I do. That's why I work with the slayers. Now, what evil drove you that nuts?" She pointed at the teacher. "I know she's evil. Did she hurt you?"
"She was saying things again."
"Okay. We can ask the principal to look at it," the safety officer assured her quietly and calmly. "That way she can stop it. That's the principal's job, not ours. If you tell us we can stop those things." The girl relaxed and nodded. "Good girl. C'mon, we'll go talk about it and get your parents here."
"I told her, she ignored it."
"Some parents aren't great like I am," Xander said dryly. "Tell Lucifer's mom if I'm not around, okay?" She looked hopeful and nodded. "Or Missy's mom. She's a social worker." He pointed across the hall. "She's over there so you can ask her to talk to her mom."
"I can do that." She was crying but it was a happier crying. The officer walked her off.
Xander looked at Priscilla. "Not a bad way to stop her from hurting herself and I heard you purring. Not a bad method. But still, gotta hit England."
"Do I really have a baby brother?"
"There's some agents trying really hard. We'll have to see." She sighed but nodded. "And hey, that means you get to be the big sister."
She looked at him. "Is someone going to dedicate him to a chaos god too?"
"All kids are powering chaos gods, dear. It's what being a kid means."
"Oh. I didn't think about that." She got her stuff, hugged a few kids including Lucifer, then went with him to be signed out for a few weeks. "The teacher ignored it completely."
"Yeah, she's got issues. Someone really needs to handle her issues before they end up hurting a kid. Did you pounce?"
"Hugged then made her sit down so I could sit on her back and purr at her like I do with the slayers having panic attacks."
"That's not a bad idea. If someone complains they can talk to us when we get back." He let her out the door and to the truck. When they got to the airport, Xander pulled out the specially charmed vehicle holder and put the truck into it. That shrank it down to matchbox sized and it nicely fit in his carry-on.
They checked in and went through the security system. One of the TSA people looked at the case. Xander grinned. "It's my specially made truck for demon hunting. That way I'm not without necessary things when we go on duty in England." The TSA agent put it back while stepping back as far as he could. Priscilla got patted down but she just sighed at that. It happened a lot. No agents wanted to pat him down when they found out who he was.
Xander walked up to someone, staring at him. "Hey, Dad."
The agent blinked at him. "I..."
Xander held up the folder. "She noted I was yours. But I'm not here for you. Your charming dance partner needs to come help me with the same people he helped me with last time."
The other agent looked at him. "What?"
Xander grinned. "They made Pris a brother!"
"The hell you say!" he demanded. He took that folder to look at and stared. "Oh, you are named on his birth certificate." He handed that over and went with Xander to see what he had found this time. "How is the sprout?"
"With Kennedy at a museum today. She knows why. Pris isn't sure if she's happy about the baby brother in stasis or not."
"Yup." He grinned at him. "They're still trying. He's been in stasis for over a year now."
"Giles found out the ones who were making orders. So they can probably come home soon if US agents don't want them."
"They should probably pass on their names too."
"That's why they had a breeding program."
"Point." They went to look at the files in the office so he could get official permission. Xander also filmed it to send to someone else. "Who?"
"Ah." He nodded. "I want to forget they exist."
"That one may not anymore but his people would be monitoring that number because I'd tell him about bigger things the same way I do you."
"Even better." With a few forms they went to raid that lab with backup. Including a few from a smaller, more hidden agency.
Xander found the nursery in stasis, magical stasis as it happened. He tested it with his pendant then looked around. "Guys, we have magical stasis on the nursery," he called. "Want me to call someone?"
"Please," got yelled back. "Do we have notes on whose they are?"
"One's mine," Xander said dryly. "The rest, probably somewhere." He looked. "We might need paramedics."
"On their way," that agent said, coming over. "Oh, wow. There's six kids."
"One's supposed to be my son." He called a witch. "It's Xander. We have a nursery in magical stasis. No. Like babies, Clorisma." He hung up when she promised they'd look at it. He felt the scrying start and the field came down. Xander went in there to look at the kids. They were slowly waking up. His phone beeped. "We have a second nursery downstairs, people. She woke them up too."
Someone went to find it and get the paramedics there to them too.
Xander looked at one. "By the records one of the boys they made is mine," he said. "I don't know which yet."
"All right. Who're you?"
"Watcher Xander Harris. Formerly the guy training slayers in Africa." He grinned.
"Yeah, sometimes. This was some of the old liners' plan to get more future watchers because no one was breeding enough and if they were their kids weren't raised to be proper watcher clones."
"Great." They gathered all the kids and the agents got the files. They could start with DNA testing. Social workers showed up to help with all that. Xander got them into another database with a nod for one of the agents. "That's the Council's former DNA project to breed better slayers. Half the old line watchers had family in there."
"We can use it to search against too, Harris," one of the agents said. Xander nodded. "We have one that's a sucking portal."
Xander went to look and saved that kid by sucking the portal off him with his magic absorbing pendant he wore against Willow attacking him. "Anti-Willow protection," he said dryly. "Very handy." He picked the little girl up to look at. "You better, little one?" She yawned and blinked at him. "Here you go. Go to the nice agent guy." The agent took her to the paramedics.
Xander searched the room and found a hidden area. That had a shrine to a demon lord. Xander broke it with a sword he found in a corner. Then he went to look at other things. He found one area under protection. "Guys, this one's protected," he announced. He felt around and found the area he'd need, looking at it.
He beat the protections until they went down. It set the room on fire but the automatic sprinklers went off. The agents weren't pleased but they didn't want to be eaten either. Xander went to turn off the security system. That removed all the magic. "There, no security system." He looked at the senior agent. "It should mean it's easier to dig into things too."
"Good. Thank you, lad." He went to handle that. "Go to the hospital to see which kid is yours."
"Yup. Let me know if you need more slayer style help." He put the sword on the desk before leaving. It wasn't his and it was in crappy shape.
Xander was on the astral plane. He had both kids with him. And now he had to find a baby daddy. He pulled him up there, making him blink a few times. "Hey. Long time no see."
"You flirted with me once to make your arms dealer jealous," he said dryly.
"Yeah." He grinned and nodded. "And the US decided you needed an heir."
"What?" he demanded.
Xander sighed, writing in the air. "This is the astral plane by the way. I pulled you out of your body for a few minutes for this talk." He went back to writing in the air. "I stopped them last week with the help of some UK agents."
He read the writing and winced but stared at the young boy on his lap. "Well."
"Yeah. No one was going to tell you. Or let me tell you." He grinned. "Which is seriously wrong in a lot of ways."
"It is." He stared at him. "So you wanted to inform me of that little one's birth?"
"Rescue. Also note that they tried to make you a daughter but missed. It didn't implant. They had a bad problem with that."
"Yup." He let him hold the virtual son. The guy relaxed, staring at him. "He's safe with me. Priscilla is an adoring big sister, most of the time. Now and then she frowns that he's taking her attention. But it's only been a week."
The man nodded. "Do you want me to be responsible for anything?"
"No. You needed to know just in case I die in a battle but otherwise no."
"Good idea. Especially where I am at the moment." He looked at the young girl then at him. "This is very strange."
"Ya know, I know him. He's kind of a dick."
The other guy smiled. "That figures. I know you deal with slayer things."
"Yes I do. Though I'm not in Africa anymore."
"Charming." He licked his lips, looking at his son. "This is..."
"Probably really upsetting but I wasn't going to not tell you. You have the right to know."
"That is fair, thank you." He handed him back. Xander let him nap on his lap again. The father sighed but nodded. "I will....let my people know."
"If you can. They are violating your rights. A lot."
"Yes, but telling them that means we all get tortured."
Xander nodded. "No, I'm going to note it to others." He grinned. "They named him Marcus Algernon. I was going to keep Marcus as the second name. Maybe Todd. I understood Emperor Todd very well in the movie."
The other guy smiled at that because he remembered this one being goofy. "I've barely heard about that movie. It's not my genre of choice."
"It's that or after some sort of mythical hero sort. Iolus? The I spelling not the Ae spelling."
The father sighed but shook his head with a smile. "It's rather hard to spell and he'd be a sidekick, Mr. Harris."
Xander winked. "I don't want my kids to follow in my footsteps. Ever."
"Good point. Iolus makes a better middle name. He can have two middle names I suppose. It's fashionable. What other names have you considered?"
"Nikolai, mostly due to your heritage. Adrius. Saif. Egon. And Thane."
The other man blinked a few times. "Those are very...non-standard names."
"I hate being called normal. The slayers do it all too often."
"Ah." He nodded. Saif means?"
"Sword in Arabic. I knew a great hunter who had that name."
"I'm assuming Egon from the movie." Xander grinned but nodded. "Thane... has a meaning. Would he hold a fort for his lord's service?"
"I have one so I don't see why not."
"Then Thane may be the best choice. Thane Iolus Harris?"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. He should not carry my name. It will prejudice people against him. Though I will have him noted so he's in the books."
"I sent the file to your family home. I figured they had some way to monitor that. I can send a copy of his birth certificate when I file it."
"That would be nice of you." He stared at him. "He'll be protected?"
"He and Pris both."
"Good." He sighed. "Thank you for letting me know."
Xander grinned. "It's wrong not to."
"True." He stood up and looked around. "How do I get back here in the future? It's less boring than where I am."
"Meditation. It's the astral plane so out of body travel."
"Ah. I hadn't even considered that before. Perhaps I'll learn so I can watch over him now and then."
"You can do that." He grinned. "I don't mind." The father nodded and disappeared. Xander sent the kids back to their bodies then went to his own. Pris glared at him when he checked on her. Thane woke up to fuss. "Hey, Thane. Do you like your new name?" he cooed, picking him up to cuddle. The baby went back to sleep after a few more fusses.
Kennedy leaned in. "You back?"
"Yeah, his daddy knows."
"That's good." She came in. "What's his name?"
"Thane Iolus Marcus Harris. Though I could drop the Marcus."
"Thane?" she asked dryly.
"It means warrior."
"Well, I am a Knight because I saved the Tower of London from a humping demon, Kennedy."
"Point. He'll inherit that." She nodded, handing over a bottle and letting him handle things for now. "The bulletin board is waiting to hear about him."
"Thanks. Should I drop the Marcus?"
"Yup. TIMH isn't really the acronym for your kid. TIH might be better."
"Cool. Thanks." He let the baby eat and sleep. He finally took a picture to put on the slayer bulletin board with his naming announcement. He put up a picture of Pris cuddling him too. The girls mostly sent back coos but didn't remark on the name. They did the same thing to Priscilla, named after a movie he adored.
Xander showed up the next day to file the birth certificate with the agents. "Here you go. One formal paperwork hurdle for the case against them."
The agent looked at the name then at him. "Thane?"
"I liked it!"
"That figures." He looked at the two kids with him then at the other agents. He looked at Xander again. "Is he healthy?"
"Yeah. So far." He grinned. "The girls all thought he was adorable when I put out the announcement on the bulletin board."
"Great." He nodded. "Your Mr. Giles is apparently mad at you?"
"I hope not. He has no reason to be mad at me."
"We had to arrest a few of his people."
"Well, they were doing stupid shit like making me more kids!"
"Point." He nodded. "The one you're claiming as a father is drunk."
Xander winked. "So he's really a Harris?"
"You can tell him she probably picked him because that sponsored orgy during training thing meant she didn't know the other two." The agent choked. "She said it was prompted once. Then she moaned about the drugs they tested on her."
"Yeah. They wanted to test it so they picked a few junior agents and some town girl." He waved his free hand. The other was holding onto Priscilla before she went to be nosy. She had done that in MI-6 and ended up in the lab with some young guy freaking out that she knew the parts of the gun he was cleaning. "The other two I'm not sure are still alive or if it's them. If you find out, let me know? I'll start sending dad's day cards." He grinned.
"Yeah, I can freak them out that way, Harris." He looked at Priscilla, who grinned and waved. "Are you liking being a big sis?"
"Sometimes. He's not too bad, even if diapers are gross."
"Yeah but he'll grow out of 'em like you did."
"True. I'm wondering if that same sorcerer will dedicate him to a different chaos god, Dad."
"No idea. We'll have to see what happens, Pris."
She grinned and nodded. "It might be cool if he had his own. That way I'm not sharing even more."
"True." Xander grinned at the agent. "A sorcerer in Germany dedicated her toddler self."
"Yeah, most toddlers are like that." He nodded a few times. Then he laughed. "I can totally see that." He clapped Xander on the arm. "Let us handle the rest. If we find more kids of yours we'll let you know. Did you tell the other father?"
"Yeah. I pulled him to the astral plane to tell him. He helped me pick the name."
"Awww. That's sweet of you." He went to tell the higher ups that while Xander got to go back to the US. Him and his spawn of chaos.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters or plot are the property of the author. No claims are being made as to the actions or orientation of the actual actors, and none of this is meant to say anything about them. No copyright infringement is intended. No money is being made from this work.