Summary: Xander has a daughter and the daughter has *ideas* thanks to her aunt. So Xander has to stop the ideas and fix his daughter's problems.
Categories: Buffy Stories & Crossovers > Other Movie Characters: None
Series: Childhood Series
Chapters: 2 Completed: Yes
Word count: 32657 Read: 1986
Published: 08/27/2022 Updated: 08/27/2022
There's a faint crossover, but not really one. Just one character and a few hinted ones. I'm marking it just in case.
1. Part 1 by Voracity2
2. Part 2 by Voracity2
The Daughter Of the Knight Isn't A Lady.
Xander looked at his daughter, then shook his head. "Take off the makeup. You're too damn young," he said quietly, staring at her. "I don't care which aunt said to do that, no. Not until you've worn a bra for at least a year."
"But it's cute, Xander!" Buffy whined.
He glared at her. "She looks like she works in an alley, Buffy. And I told you to leave my daughter the hell alone." She fled from that temper. He pointed. "Now please." She huffed but went to change and clean off the makeup.
He looked up then went to figure out where to take his daughter camping. This time. Each time Buffy tried to make her girly and 'cute' he took her camping and/or hunting. Which made her pout but oh well! She came down in a name branded sweat suit. He stared. "I know I did not buy you that."
"Auntie Buffy did?" she said hopefully, petting it. "It's soft, Dad."
"How much was it?"
"I don't know. Auntie Buffy, how much was this sweat suit?" she called.
"Two hundred," she called back.
"I told you to not spend more than eighty!" Xander yelled back. "So you owe me money for anything over that!" His daughter pouted. "If you want to eat tomorrow night, then she owes us a lot of money." She slumped but nodded, going to talk to the aunt and Uncle Giles. Who paid for Buffy's shopping most of the time. Xander followed to nag the aunt. He really had to bring his little girl to another slayer house. Before she turned into Buffy. "How much did you spend? Did you overdraw my account?"
She ducked down. "I don't think so? One of them wouldn't go through? Her shoes she needed?" He glared. She shrank down farther. "She needed cute things!"
"No, she needed practical things. Things to wear to school. Things to play in. Not things to look like a club girl in! You know that!"
"We'll handle it," Giles said patiently. He looked at the young girl then sighed. "At least you don't look like Brenda did earlier."
"No, I made her clean off the make up her aunt put on her," Xander said dryly, staring at her. "She's seven!"
"Chill, Xander! I'm just being an auntie!"
He stared at her. "Would you have let Dawn wear that outfit at fourteen?"
"No!" She sighed then nodded. "Point taken!"
"Thank you! I'd like to have a daughter that has sense and compassion, not dreams of being a ho." He walked off shaking his head.
"Does this mean we don't have to go camping?" his daughter asked.
"You're going to be lucky if we don't go to a foreign house," he shot back. "For good."
"Suck it up," Xander called back. "Before I sell your aunt to an arms dealer for weapons we'll need some day soon."
"If they're nice to date I wouldn't mind being set up but I don't think I'd marry one without dating first," Buffy complained.
Giles stared at her. "Go get the receipts, Buffy." She sighed but went to do that. It took her a bit. He took the handful and looked it over, then groaned. He owed the boy an apology and a lot of money. He went to cut the check for that and the overdraft fee he probably had. Buffy really had to quit shopping.
Buffy smiled at the only non-slayer kid in the house. "If he goes to a foreign house we'll make sure it's a great one with a lot of things around so you're not so bored."
She looked at her aunt. "I'm shocked we're not already heading to a camping area." She walked off to go beg her father to not live in a tent or the truck for months on end. She knew she had done it as a baby but she didn't want to do that now. She'd be bored. She even tried her best argument, of all she'd have to do in the truck is homework and she didn't need to do that very often. Her father's face turning red made her run and hide. He was going to scream. A lot. She wanted to avoid that.
"Daughter, do the homework anyway!" he shouted after her. "Every damn bit! If you skip even a single bit, I'm putting you in a boarding school! Where they don't speak the languages you do!"
"Yes, dad," she whined. She knew he would. He was evil that way. Then demand she got good grades anyway. It was so unfair!
Xander calmed himself down before he had a real fit. He went up to take her tv from her room. "You don't need that. It's giving you bad ideas." He put it in his room and went to help her with her homework. Before she decided to grow up stupid. She huffed but let him help her. Not do much of it but show her how to do things.
Downstairs, Buffy was wincing. "She shouldn't have to worry about grades."
Giles looked at her. "She should because she needs to have a real future. Would you have let Dawn get away with that?"
"No," she sulked. "But she's not that little."
"Then have a daughter yourself that you can spoil," he ordered. "Leave his alone. He's set guidelines for how she's to be raised and we must follow them, Buffy."
"Yes, Giles. And I can't have kids. They'd get in the way. Or I'd have a son and not have any idea what to do with them." He nodded he knew that. With Xander's luck he'd end up taking over her son from her care to raise for her. Then at least that boy may have a tiny bit of sense, though Xander didn't have that much himself sometimes.
Xander met with his precious spawn's teacher later that week. "Yes? We had a problem with my contribution to the world? Again?" he asked dryly.
"Mr. Harris, your daughter has said some...disturbing things today."
"What did she learn from her aunt this time?" he demanded. "Daughter?" he called loudly enough that she heard him. He stared at the teacher once his daughter was stomping in.
"You've taken the tv from her room?"
"Yes. She doesn't need that in there. Her grades have went down. It's giving her ideas that she shouldn't have at her age because her aunts taught her to watch reality tv. She'll get it back when her grades go up and she finds something more realistic to want to watch that she can't watch with the slayers."
"Oh, so you grounded her."
"My daughter came in wearing a skimpy outfit worthy of some whore on supposed reality tv and makeup thanks to her aunt. She doesn't need that sort of idea about her future life. She's not allowed to become a sugar baby for a career," he said dryly.
"So yeah, she's grounded until she finds something better to want to watch with the slayers. Not like she's not curled up with them watching telemundo sometimes on Saturday night. She just doesn't have a tv in her room anymore. That's not really a problem for anyone but her whining though."
The teacher blinked. "It's something that can set her apart socially."
"So is living with her single father in the slayer house," he said dryly. He looked at his daughter. Who shrugged. "Complaining about it to the friends?"
"Yes! And it's mean! Especially if we go to a foreign house again! I won't know anyone."
"Most kids would adore traveling, daughter."
"I'm not one. I'd like to stay around the aunts, Dad. Even if they do decide to spend you poor getting me clothes I can't actually wear to school." She handed over the note from her backpack. He read it and groaned. "I tried!"
"I told you not to wear that this morning," he said plainly. "That it was outside of dress code. I told you to go change before I went to nag the senior girls who came down with panties hanging out and heels high enough to need to charge rent for a second story apartment." The teacher choked. He looked his daughter over. "Why did you not change?"
"I was running late?"
"You had ten minutes."
"I'm a girl, I can't change in ten minutes!" He stared at her. She pouted. "I can't! Buffy can't!"
"YOU'RE NOT THE SENIOR SLAYER!" he noted loudly. "Never will be, daughter. You are not Buffy, should not be looking up to she-who-dates-vampires, nothing like that. For that matter, no more shopping with Buffy either!" He stared at her. "Am I clear?" She pouted but nodded.
He sighed, looking at the teacher. "I let Buffy do some practical school shopping. Told her to find practical, school appropriate clothes and some new sneakers for under eighty dollars. She spent eight grand I didn't have to buy name brand, hoochie crap she's really not allowed to wear anyway."
The teacher winced but nodded. "So no, I'm pretty sure that slayer is a bad role model and she should not follow her. I'd rather she follow Faith into leather pants and knives." He stared at her. He smiled at the teacher again. "What else came up?"
"Does she have to go camping so often?"
"Yes. It's a practical skill that could save her life someday. She grew up camping in the truck with me for her first two years of life. We were in Africa and traveling between the slayers all the time. She spent more time in a sleeping bag than she did in a bed for nearly three years because her mom camped all the time before I found out she had my daughter and got her from her.
"Hell, she used to sleep on top of her mom's weapons cases all the time." He stared at his daughter then at her. "She's got to have practical skills because she's going to have to lead a practical life. If she makes it to an adult."
"It's not something the other girls can appreciate about her."
"That's their parents' fault for giving their daughters ideas about designer crap that looks horrible on them anyway. A whole bunch of your students are spoiled. Even if I had millions of dollars, she's not wearing designer crap of any brand. She'll be going to college, getting a career that pays her bills, and if she has artistic trends at that time she can do them after hours until she can make it on that career. Most of your girls in this class can't even find their way out of a mall if there's an evacuation."
"They can so!" the teacher complained.
"Two didn't last month."
The teacher grimaced. "I forgot about them. The girls are thinking she's deprived."
"I think they're the opposite of deprived. And if it's Macy, her father's depraved, not deprived." The teacher made a horrified noise. "He is. I met the guy socially." He shrugged and looked at his daughter. "Any other complaints from the spoiled committee you play with?"
"They think you're mean to make me make good grades."
"Yeah, you need it to pay for college. Because you're going to college."
She pouted. "Why?" she whined.
"Because you need a damn job when you're an adult, daughter!" He stared at her. "You're not going to join the Council at all if I have my way and even if you do, you can't do that until after you serve in the military or go to college and get at least a masters degree.
"Since I don't want you to go through the hell I go through with the slayers, you'll need to find a real career and a happiness in life when you're an adult. That means good grades and I don't care what *any* parent says. If they're not expecting their kids to get as good of grades as they can, then they're fucking horrible parents. Am I clear?"
She pouted but nodded. The teacher was whining. He stared at her. "Anything else the whining committee had to say this time? If she keeps up on this path I'm sending her to a boarding school somewhere in Europe where she has to learn the language as she studies. It'll be suitably harder than hell and get her into many fine european colleges."
"No. I believe the girls think you're mean and you do swear a bit."
"Yeah, she's heard worse from me swearing at an invasion that came up suddenly before I could drop her with a sitter. She was two and telling everyone to fuck themselves in Swahili because I yelled it at a general who was complaining about an invasion that popped up suddenly." The teacher slumped. "You're lucky I reminded her not to swear." He smiled. "Any other complaints?"
"No, I suppose not. You are a bit firm with her."
"Yes. My daughter has to live in reality. Even if I won a lottery and millions of dollars, she has to live like a normal little girl with normal little girl things and expectations. You can explain it to the future trophy wife committee since they don't seem to realize that life doesn't work like reality tv does." He looked at his daughter. "Only the backpack? Homework?"
She winced and sighed but got it. He smirked, taking it to look over. "Oh, you didn't do any last night when you said you didn't have any. Really?" She shrank down. He handed it back. "Before dinner, daughter. No playing or tv until that's *all* done and corrected by Andrew." She pouted. "I could say Giles."
"No," she muttered. "He's stricter and British." She walked off hugging her homework folder. Xander smiled and followed. He nodded at the waiting mother. "The girls today wanted her to be a spoiled heiress sort. She's not. She has normal girl expectations. They actually complained that I wanted her to have good grades."
The mother snorted, looking at her daughter. "I'd expect the same thing. I know those girls though, Mr. Harris."
Xander nodded. "I figured you did. Have fun. She thought us camping was *mean*." He walked off to take his daughter back to the slayer house so she could do her homework. He got to tell Giles about that, making him complain about unrealistic expectations for young women. Andrew at least gave her a hug and helped her with the homework she had to do. At dinner time her dad came back in. "Put it up, you can finish it after dinner. Otherwise there won't be any food left."
"We can order pizza," she offered.
"That's a treat. Did you deserve a treat?" She pouted and shook her head. "Besides, I'm still straightening out what your aunt did to my bank account. It'll be days before I can use it again."
She sighed but followed him to dinner then coming back afterwards to finish her homework. Andrew and a few of the slayers were doing dishes and running the dishwashers. She had to save her homework a few times and glared at the slayers trying to get it wet. "Dad's going to yell at me."
"If she's trying to get it wet on purpose Xander's going to yell at her," he said as he walked in. The slayers in there ran off. "Someone needs some training time with me I see," he called after them. Andrew laughed at that. "Speaking of spoiled brats." He looked at her homework then pointed. "Is that right? Andrew, is this right?"
He came over to look at the math homework. "The answer's eight, not six, dear." He kissed her on the head and went back to the dishes. Xander took over for him so he came to help her with her homework.
"The teacher told the others it was six earlier."
He blinked at her. "We can make sure but the answer's still eight." He wrote it out long way for her to prove it. She looked and sighed. It meant she had to really work on the other problems. Which weren't right either. But Andrew did explain things easier. "I'll take you to school tomorrow to make sure the teacher realizes it was eight." She nodded with a sigh.
"Make sure she wears something within dress code," Xander said patiently. "Please. I hate talking to her teacher. She thought her camping was *mean*."
"That figures," Andrew muttered. "I'm checking homework," Andrew called. "Tonight!" The girls brought in their homework for him to check while he helped that tiny one. He frowned at one then at the slayer, who shrugged. "Why?"
"Teacher said so."
"Teacher's wrong and you can tell her I said that." He handed it back. "That was my best friend Johno's attempt to take over the world." He smiled. "I can prove it if she wants." She giggled, making that note and correcting that. He went through the rest and then hers.
Andrew talked to the high school teacher the next morning with a smile. "Hi, I'm Andrew."
"I know about you. We've talked before," she said, looking confused. Andrew handed over the homework. "That's...."
"That was my best friend for all of my school career Jonathan, or Johno, and his attempt to take over the world by making people want to be him and do things for him. He died back in Sunnydale but yeah, that was his evil idea." He showed her a picture. "That guy."
"Oh. I did not...I just found the book."
He smiled. "It was a masterful attempt but it had to get ended because he found himself hunted by girls and didn't know what to do with it." He shrugged. "Also, can you spread some sense to some of the elementary school teachers?" He showed her that assignment sheet. "She kept saying that's six."
She looked and groaned. "That woman is a mess."
"Yes, and Xander's daughter is in her class." She winced. "If you want to talk about Johno's ideas, I can do that. Or Warren's but his robotic girlfriend is still around. I can have her come in to talk to the kids if they need it."
"I had no idea robotics were that good."
He grinned. "You've met Natalie when we had to send her to pick up some of the girls. That's her." She blinked then moaned and nodded. "But yeah, if you want to talk about it, we'd love to remember them. Even if I did have to warn them not to use neural dampening tech on their significant others like Warren did."
"I can consider that option. Thank you, Mr. Wells."
"You're welcome." He left, going back to the elementary school. He paused at the principal's office. "Hi. I have a bit of a problem. I'm handling it for Xander." He handed over that sheet. "The teacher insisted that answer is six."
She looked then sighed. "We've had this talk most years, Mr. Wells."
"Yes, but Xander's highly against his precious only daughter being taught wrong. He wants her to go to college and have a career outside his. She can't do that if she can't do simple formulas."
"She would say she's the educator."
"Great. I have a bachelor's in programming and physics." The principal winced. "Which means I basically have a minor in math, yeah." He grinned. "Can you have a talk with her before Xander has to have another talk with her?"
"I can do that. Were there other problems?"
"Yeah, she was trying to get the kiddo to be spoiled. Xander's highly against spoiled."
"Oh, that again."
"Yup." He nodded with a grin. "Thank you." He left, going back home. She could handle her own minion. At home, Xander was complaining at Buffy about her plans to take Priscilla shopping again and about how she wasn't allowed, even if he had millions of dollars.
Buffy glared. "I can take her, Xander! She listens to me!"
"You don't listen to me," he said dryly. "And what I said is right for my kid. No!"
"You're just down because she's a girl."
"Not likely!" He waved a hand in the air. "My daughter doesn't need to look like a ho like you do today. Ever!"
"Xander," Giles complained.
"High, pointy heels. Skirt so short you can tell what her natural hair color is. No bra or panties. And it shows," he said, staring at Buffy. Who was now blushing. "Top that's two sizes too small to show off what little tits she has. Yeah, she looks like a few strippers I've known. She is not allowed to do that to my daughter!"
Giles blinked, looking at Buffy. "That isn't really tasteful," he said dryly. "Though he was a bit harsh, Buffy. And yes, we can tell you're without proper under things today. Perhaps you forgot a step this morning?"
She stomped off. "Maybe if you win a lottery I'll get to dress your daughter like a real little girl!"
"I'd rather she follow Faith into leather pants and knives," he shot back. He rolled his eyes. "Even if I won one, I'd never retire." He walked off shaking his head. "I'd have to hide from the girls trying to ruin my daughter."
Giles sighed but nodded. "I'd fear that was true." He rubbed his forehead. Buffy really did try all patience sometimes. He had to keep her from shopping for the younger slayers as well. Again. Before they followed her into lacking proper clothing standards.
The next morning Andrew was up first. He had to make breakfast for the girls. He came into the kitchen, staring at the bare backs he could see. "Ladies, did we come down in jammies? That's usually a bad idea because you don't have enough time to get dressed."
"No, we're cute," one of the minis said, smiling at him.
He licked his lips. "We should not be able to see any skin from your knees to your throat, Safia. We can see a lot more than that."
She pouted, stomping a foot. "It's cute! It's picture day at school!"
"We'll let Giles know." He made the first round of breakfast and texted Xander's phone to get him to go wake up Giles. Then he got to work on seconds for breakfast. "Any of you that want to change should hurry up," he noted. "Giles is about to get up. So is Xander." The girls winced but they had a plan last night. Xander had gotten a tiny sleeping potion. Buffy hadn't liked it but oh well! They were girls, they knew how to be cute.
The Council had said they could still be girls if they wanted to be and today they wanted to be. Andrew looked and saw the plotting going on. He hit the emergency lock down button. "Ladies." They stared at him. He stared back. "We should not be able to see any skin from your knees to your collarbones. None of those outfits are school appropriate. Go change. Or else none of us are leaving the house today."
"What's going on!" Buffy shouted as she came in. "Why are we in lockdown!" Andrew waved a hand. "Um... So?"
"GILES!" he shouted. "Someone get his ass up and Xander too please!"
"Way too loud too early," Faith complained as she came in. "Oh. No wonder we're in lockdown. All you trashy ho looking girls go change!" she ordered with a point.
"It's school picture day and we're cute, Safria complained with another footstomp.
"I don't give a shit!" Faith said. "Xander surely won't!"
"I texted him twenty minutes ago," Andrew said. "He's not up."
Faith stared then looked at the girls. "What did you do?" They all shrank away from her. "Go sit in the living room, girls." She pointed with a growl. They ran that way. She looked at Buffy. Then at Andrew. "That the only reason?"
"I couldn't stop them. I couldn't leave to get Giles up. Xander didn't wake up at a text, which is very odd. Yeah, something's going on and they don't need to spread out."
Faith nodded. "Totally agree. Good idea." She went to ask the girls what they had done. With the other higher watchers who were still in the building. "One of you go get up Giles. Only Buffy rushes into his bedroom." Of them went to do that for her. She stared at the girls. "I want an honest answer. What did you do to Xander?"
"Nothing," they said quickly.
"Yeah, bullshit since he didn't wake up at a text," Faith said dryly. "Is his little girl up?" They all shrugged. She sighed. That watcher came back with Giles in his dressing gown over his pajamas. "Someone check Xander?" she suggested.
"He's potioned," that watcher said. "I went there while Giles was putting on his robe. His daughter's fine, just sleeping in today." He looked at the girls. "Why do you all look like those girls on the adult movies?" They glared at him. "You do."
"It's cute!" Safria said loudly.
Giles cleared his throat. "Safria, you are much too young to wear anything you're currently wearing. Skirts for you should not fall above your knee and yours does. Your shirt should be a complete garment and yours is not. It is showing extreme amounts of your back and shoulders, which is making the adults here uncomfortable. Now, who dosed Xander with what, ladies? With his unique situation it could have killed him. And frankly, I'm glad Andrew put us in lockdown!" They pouted at him. "Now, ladies." One raised her hand slightly. "What did you use, Missy?"
"Nighty-night potion?" she guessed. "From the infirmary?"
"Which is dangerous for him to take," Faith said. "It can kill him. Did you give him more than a spoonful?"
"It went into his coffee last night!"
"So you tried to kill your training watcher," Giles decided. "Someone get our doctor in here?" They went to get her from the parking lot and bring her in, and explain it to the others. Including a few press people. The information that the girls had been a bit of a problem this morning and had triggered the lockdown because of it made them quit worrying.
The other watchers and the doctor and nurses came in. They went up to get Xander immediately. The other watchers came in to talk to the girls since Giles apparently had patience this morning. He sounded patient. Priscilla finally got up and came in to scream at the slayers for drugging her father. They all felt bad finally.
It was going to be a very long day. Especially for those who had to nag.
They'd deal with the clothing issue second. When Faith was ready to start nagging on her own.
Giles smiled at the principal he had to meet, shaking his hand. "Sorry about the girls all missing yesterday." He handed over a picture. "They tried to wear that to school and had drugged one of the watchers who usually made them put on more decent things."
The principal stared at the picture then looked at him. "Is Harris all right?"
"We hope so. We expect him to wake up sometime today." He smiled slightly. "His daughter is not very impressed. Though she tried to wear the same trashy outfits. Buffy is no longer allowed to help anyone shop in the house."
"That's probably a good idea." He handed the picture back. "I can see why you kept them home to yell about that drugging and those clothes."
"Andrew put us into lockdown in case we needed to depossess everyone." That got a nod. "But I am sorry that they all missed."
"We can give them an excused absence since they couldn't get out of the building. Though we would have sent them all home in that. Is that young one...."
"Safria. She's in third grade." The principal winced. "Indeed. Also in on that drugging incident. The girls are rather suspended for all after school activities. Including the dance next week. I know a few are on non-sports teams and they're also grounded from them."
"I can fully agree with that. I'd do that with my own children. With some yelling."
"Yes, I got woken up to that yesterday. Even before tea," he said dryly. "They will hopefully never lose that much sense all at once again." He sighed. "Thank you for the indulgence."
"It's not a problem, Mr. Giles. Sometimes girls act up and become a bit of a problem."
"Yes, indeed." He shook his hand again and went back home. This was the last principal he had to talk to today. Of course, that left the mayor, who showed up to see what had happened. Giles told him about the girls drugging Xander and he decided that was just fine and they had covered that up well enough. He went back to the office to note that incident was about the girls having a personal problem instead of a demon problem.
Andrew handed Xander a clean cup of coffee when he finally got up a few days later. "The yelling went on for four hours," he said quietly. "I nearly revived my old ulcer listening from in here." Xander hugged him and sat down to sip his coffee. "Priscilla is being quietly in the library for Faith." Xander grinned. "That guy over Tesla apparently had a robotic child. We should offer Natalie to talk to her about growing up robotic." He let Xander see the article about the kid with the robot designation name.
Xander snorted. "He's a big problem with everyone." He took another drink. "Prissy, I'm up," he called. She came in to hug him then went back to the library. "Thank you for wearing real clothes."
"Faith went through everyone's closet," Andrew said dryly. "Then showed Giles the clothes. The other watchers had the girls do a fashion show of those to make sure they were out of bounds." He grinned. "They all looked like hos and the guys treated them like they would underage strippers." Xander winced. "Oh, we had the social worker here too. She got here during it, stopped the remarks and the fashion show, then nagged the girls about behaving like proper women. She agreed Giles could suspend everyone to the house."
"Great. How much do I have to shop for Prissy?"
"Six outfits. Faith didn't take that branded sweat suit but it's already ripped a seam. A few of the girls taught her how to sew it." Xander grimaced but nodded. "Maybe she'll design clothes."
"Maybe." He finished that cup and got more. "Are they hiding from me?"
"They sure are," he quipped. "And me and Giles and everyone else. Giles had to tell the principals why I put us in lockdown when you didn't wake up at the text message. They all understood after seeing a picture." He let Xander see it. That got a low groan. "It was picture day to quote Safria. They wanted to be cute."
Xander just nodded. "I'm going to have to yell more."
"All the girls are making wishes that you'd win the lottery and retire."
"Even if I had the money of that idiot in the story, I'd still probably not retire. Priss would go to a better school...." He smiled. "And we'd live in our own house. But no. No one else is going to take my place here."
"Good point." He went back to the paper. Giles came in to clap Xander on the shoulder. He showed Giles that story. "He named his kid a robot designation. What happens if we get a girl with that sort of name?"
"By then she'll hopefully have a nickname," Xander quipped. "Or we'll use the single letter of her first name."
Andrew grinned. "That could work." Giles sighed, handing the paper back and getting some hot water for tea. "The schools call?"
"Not yet. Priscilla is out today due to an ear infection, Xander." He nodded once. "Also because she's pouting that the girls were horrified that she had to fix her new sweat suit for breaking."
"They're a whole lot of spoiled little future trophy wives. The teacher thought it was too strong to want her to have good grades," Xander said dryly. "But I can't afford a private school that I'd like her to attend."
"True," Giles said with a pat. "Well, if you win the lottery like all the girls wish you would, we can find her a suitable academy." He went to his office with his steeping tea.
Priscilla came back pouting. "Dad, I think there's a demon in my classroom."
"One of the girls is possessed?" he guessed. It wouldn't surprise him.
"No, a new little boy transferred in and he's named Lucifer."
Xander looked at her. "You're in first grade, so that means he's too old for the child-like appearance of most higher level demons if they can actually do that." He took a drink. "And he's an adult demon. So probably just named after him for some reason, Prissy."
She sighed. "That's good. I didn't want you to smite him. He seems pretty neat."
"I'm sure he is. If only so people like him instead of his name." He gave her a hug. "Even if they're possessed I'd only hit them with holy water. I can't do exorcisms."
"Thanks, Dad!" She went back to the library happier.
Xander blinked, looking at Andrew, who shrugged. "Can they do that? That child-like appearance?"
"Supposedly but none of the ones I've met could when I asked them about that rumor." He shrugged. "Maybe it's only a certain class of demon. You'd have to ask a library guy."
"Probably. Who would name their kid Lucifer?"
Xander shrugged. "Who knows. We've seen worse. One of her first kindergarten's kids was named Asshole in German if you translated it. Apparently it was Mom's Grandad's pet name from Grandma."
Andrew winced. "Wow. You hear stories." He walked off shaking his head.
Xander nodded. "Some countries have naming standards. The US does not. As proven by that guy with the robotic daughter." He sighed, getting a third cup of coffee. "Do I have training today?"
"Probably not. The girls will still try to hide from you so they don't have to apologize."
"I'll kick all their asses in sparring again, making them pouty." He went to see if he had things to do today. Or if he was free to help his daughter with her homework. He ran into the girls when they got home and smirked at them. "I heard about that wishing. No wish demons will ever come for a slayer or watcher, especially not about my family.
"So nice try!" He smirked. "You've all got sparring with me today, ladies. And for the rest of the week." They moaned but went to change for sparring practice. Even the littler ones that he didn't usually get mean with were getting him today.
That night one of the minis went to ask a library watcher why no wish demons would come near them. He blinked at her then took off his glasses. "I believe it's where Xander used to date a vengeance demon," he admitted. "They're not allowed to curse him and any wish is a curse as well, Mina."
She pouted. "That blows."
"Yes but even if you all got your wishes, he still probably wouldn't retire because none of us could handle it without his input and weapons. The older watchers of us would adore having more sensible people to handle his duties but there hasn't been one that's appeared yet." She walked off pouting. He shook his head. He'd adore to make a wish to get more watchers but with that double edged sword clause they'd probably all be like the boy.
The Council and the world would not last through a dozen or more Xanders.
Though they'd probably never be invaded again.
Priscilla looked at her father. "Why don't we play the lottery?"
"Because we don't need to." He looked at her. "I'd rather people win it who really need the money than people who don't."
"We never have money."
"We do have money, we don't have a lot," he corrected. "I make a good paycheck. We have a good yearly income."
She sighed but nodded. "It's still weird." He shrugged. She pouted about that. "Can I do that when I'm older?"
"We'll see if you want to. That's not a mandatory thing and not everyone does do scratch offs or anything."
"I didn't think about that." She went to think and stare outside. She was bored. She had done her homework, no one was watching tv, and she didn't like to read. One of the older slayers tried to sneer about her staring outside but Giles heard and swatted her for it. She got to walk off pouting. Priscilla just settled in to watch the cars go past again. Her dad would find her when he wanted to hang out with her. Or anyone else. Buffy wasn't allowed but the others could hang out with her.
Xander was in the pickup line for the kids, nodding at a parent he didn't know. "Hey, Priscilla's mine."
She smiled. "My son introduced us."
"You must be Lucifer's mom then."
"I am. I was in the middle of a big problem and wished that any being would help me get out of it and if they did I'd name the kid after them. A demon helped me so I named it after their head guy." She shrugged but smiled.
"That's cool. She was worried I'd have to try an exorcism." The mother grinned. "If you haven't heard, there's a few spoiled ones in the classroom."
"I've noticed. Most schools have a few."
"We have ones that complained that I expect Prissy to have good grades."
"Oh, that sort of spoiled. My son will give them looks like they're minions." He grinned at that, nodding a bit. The bell rang and the kids came out by classroom. That way the first group of parents could clear out sooner to avoid clogging up the pickup area. Her son and a few of the girls came out together. She stared at him. "Where did you get the paint in your hair?"
"They had a paint fight in art," he said then grimaced. "I need a bath."
"I think you do. This is Priscilla's dad." Xander grinned and waved.
The kid waved back. "Your daughter's neat but a bit weird and very girly."
"That's her Aunt Buffy's fault," he admitted. His daughter came out. "What the hell are you wearing?" he demanded. "And what's on your face?" She pouted at him, waving the note. He took it to read. "In the car. We're going to the ER. Your eyes look like the last time I got chemical exposure." He grinned at the staring parents. "She's not allowed to do that." He got her into the car and took her to the local ER. He handed the check-in nurse the note from the teacher about the paint fight and how she had decided to use some of the acrylic paint for makeup practice. With the help of two other girls who put it on her so it was even.
The nurse smiled. "It should be kid safe." He picked the daughter up to let her see her face. "Oh, your eyes are very red. Let's get that cleaned off then and check your eyes for damage, dear." She got them checked in and the nurse practioner she'd be seeing warned. They wanted to laugh but it wasn't really that funny.
Xander leaned into the classroom the next day. "Prissy's in bed. You guys didn't realize that she's allergic to that paint." The teacher winced. "She's on massive steroids and a valium because she freaked out when we had to scrub to get it off her eyelids. By the way, she's also got some eye trauma from that getting in to her eyes.
"Can you talk to the art teacher? I'm going to talk to the principal to warn her." He went to do that before the teacher could even remark. They had to have some words. Xander got let into the office. "So, your nurse didn't realize that an allergic reaction was going on?"
"I...was not aware of anything, Mr. Harris." He handed over the note. "I was out yesterday." She got the nurse in there. And the art teacher. "Apparently we had a problem yesterday with Priscilla Harris?" she asked.
"Her regular teacher said she was fine when I tried to get it off," the nurse said.
"You missed the hives and welts and the eye damage," Xander said, handing over the medical excuse. "The nurses started out being really amused at the kid incident but then they saw how she was scarring from the welts and hives." He stared at the art teacher.
"The other girls talked her into it."
"She is very suggestible right now. It's her Aunt Buffy's fault. Buffy gave her ideas of dressing like a popular little ho. I had to stop that trend too. The teacher thought it was so special of her and cute."
The art teacher nodded. "I'll keep her from the acrylic paints."
"Thank you." He grinned at the nurse. "She'll have a steroid cream and an epi pen from now on about this stuff, just in case. Well, when she gets back in three days. She's stuffed full of steroids and valium right now."
"I fully understand and I can make a note of that in case someone has to sub for me, Mr. Harris. I'm really sorry I didn't realize."
"It happens. I know those things take time." They left with a nod. He looked at the principal. "Doesn't she have art at eleven?" The woman winced but nodded. "Did she see her after one or so?"
"No. Not that I'm aware of. I'll talk with that teacher."
"Thanks. Let me get her some ice cream." He went to do that. He ran into Lucifer and his mom. "She was allergic to the paint," he quipped. "We spent four hours in the ER treating it and the scarring from the hives and welts." The mother winced. He looked at the boy. "Can you kinda watch her back for a bit? Make sure the girls don't talk her into more stupid things?"
"I can try. Girls never listen to me."
Xander patted him on the head. "Me either and I train the slayers. Which sucks sometimes." He headed back to the slayer house via a grocery store.
Lucifer looked up at his mom. "He's got a really hard job."
"Yes he does. Especially if the girls don't listen to him." She got him in for the day and headed home to handle things that had to get done.
Priscilla showed up and went right to the office. "I know I'm out of dress code," she said, handing over the note. "I had the hives break open last night. It's the only stuff that won't stick to the nasty gooey stuff."
The principal came out to get the note to read over, giving her a smile. "You're not too far out of dress code, Priscilla. It's a reasonable exception in your case. Your father didn't bring you?"
"He's flying out to Belgium since last night. One of the girls had a bad breakup with her boyfriend that included throwing him out a window and the officers." She grimaced. "Apparently she walked in and found him in bed with a few girls and kinda on something stupid according to Dad." The principal winced but nodded. "So he's gotta handle that and Uncle Rupert brought me today."
"That's fine, dear. We'll tell your teacher." She looked her over. "The cream should go to the nurse."
"Oh, yeah." She pulled that baggie out of her backpack to hand over. "For the gooey, icky things that broke open. And the pills are tylenol because I ache a lot."
"I can understand that, dear." She took her to the nurse to hand that over and then to the classroom. The teacher grimaced. "All those hives broke open so she's wearing something that won't stick to the injuries she has. She has medicines with the nurse for when she needs more cream or some tylenol." She left her with her teacher.
Priscilla shrugged. "At least it didn't hurt my eyes permanently. Those welts cleared up faster." She sat in her usual seat and winced then shifted and it was okay again. "Stupid welts," she muttered.
Lucifer looked over. He didn't like to play before school because he didn't know any of the other kids yet. "Are you okay?"
"The hives and welts hurt and they broke open last night."
"Yeah. They're gross. But I'm okay and I don't look like a mummy. I did most of last night." She grimaced. "And I can wear clothes today."
"That's good," he said, grinning at her. "Your dad asked me to make sure you don't get hurt today."
"Please. I'm a bit scattered. The steroids they gave me give me a headache and made me think weird things." He nodded at that. She put her head down on her desk until the others came in.
"You can't sleep in class. If you need to, you should've stayed home," the teacher ordered.
She glared at her. "No one's at home. Dad's on his way to Belgium. Everyone else is heading to Georgia and a battle tonight." The teacher shuddered. "So unless I want go to the high school to hang out with the overnight kid sitter today, I had to come here today." She put her head back down, then rubbed a spot and shifted again. "Stupid welts."
"You can rest with the nurse," the teacher said.
"That'll be awkward for her to sit in my lap while she works at her desk since that's the only chair in there the last time I saw it." She scowled at her. "I'm actually ahead on my homework too if you want it already." She put her head back down. "I'll sit up when class actually starts."
Lucifer smiled at her. "Headache?" She nodded. He did have to poke her a bit when the other kids came in after the bell rang. She sat up rubbing her face with a sigh. "Your arm's bleeding stuff."
She looked and sighed, raising her hand. "I need to go get a bandage." She showed the new wet spot and made the teacher flinch back. "Hives and welts suck for this stuff, sorry." She trudged to the nurse's office, showing her the arm spot. The nurse sighed and got her some bandages to put on. Prissy was pouting by oh well. "Can I have one of my tylenol now? My head hurts."
She checked her forehead and nodded, handing her one. "You should have stayed home."
"No one's there. Everyone left early this morning for Georgia and Dad's been on a plane since late last night." She yawned. "It's Thursday, right?" She nodded. "Can you tell the gym teacher?"
"Yes, dear, I will." She walked her back there. "Let her rest," she told the teacher. "I'll see her after lunch." She walked off to the gym. The teacher came out to stare at her. "Priscilla Harris has a lot of sores on her body from an allergic reaction," she said quietly. "She's covered in seeping welts and hives."
"Can you let her nap on the bleachers?"
"Gladly. Poor kid."
"She's allergic to the acrylic paint they used in art class, which the girls encouraged her to put on like makeup." The gym teacher shuddered. "Oh, yes. She's fairly worn out but no one's at home today."
"Parents both working?"
"Single parent is on a plane to Belgium. She's related to a watcher."
"Oh. Yeah, no one's probably at home. I can let her nap on the bleachers."
"Thank you. I'll change her bandages after you have her after lunch." She went back to her office to make that note. She heard someone crying and went to check. One of the older girls was sobbing in an empty room so she got her calmed down and talking. Girls had such bad problems sometimes.
Xander barely made it to Georgia in time to help with the artillery and then made it home in time to find his daughter was suspended from school for some reason. He was awfully tired but he could go talk to that principal. He stared at her as he walked in. "And what happened now?" he asked dryly, waving the note.
"She should have stayed home."
"No one was home. We had a battle. I had to fly to Belgium, get there, handle the girl that threw her scummy boyfriend out a window into a river because he had five whores in their bed, and then fly to Georgia for a battle. Who do you think was going to stay with her?"
"Who watched her overnight?"
"One of the other slayers that's not doing battles. Did you expect her to skip school?"
"No." She grimaced. "I realize you're a single parent."
"Yeah." He nodded. "And the other girls all had to go to school too. Because everyone was in Georgia, even the nurses in our infirmary. Two other girls had to go to the middle school we use even though they had the flu because no one was there to watch over them. Sorry but reality this time. So why was she suspended for that?"
"She kept falling asleep in class."
"Steroids do that to a lot of people."
"For the allergic reaction?" he prompted. "Lots of hives and welts?"
"Oh, she's on those."
"Yeah. I would've loved to keep her home for a few extra days but not an option. And you're punishing her for being sick."
"It won't go in her records."
He blinked a few times. "If you had put her somewhere like the library and let her curl up in a corner, I would've been okay with that. Instead you tried to suspend her to a building that had no one in it until we got home an hour ago." She winced at that. "I'm sorry but that seems really fishy to me."
"I had no idea."
"If you had asked her she would've told you that. It's not the first time we all had to go to a battle and leave one kid sitter overnight."
"No it's not." She sighed. "Is she awake now?"
"Probably not. She was asleep in the kitchen on a countertop with a cup of soup in the microwave. I'm really shocked Andrew taught her to microwave already." She winced again. "How did she even get home?"
"I assume the bus."
"We don't bus."
"Oh." She considered it. "I have no idea, Mr. Harris. But something really must be arranged. She can't be in that sort of shape and here."
"The hospital said she could come back the next day."
"Oh." She sighed. "I still think there has to be someone who can stay with the children if you're all off."
"We're understaffed by fifteen people, at least, for field battles and duties. You're lucky this is the first time it's come up. There's only so many of us. We're stretched pretty thin or I wouldn't have had to hit Belgium and then Georgia and then here in two days."
"No significant other to watch over her for you?"
"Dear, I date arms dealers. Assassins too." The woman shuddered. "I mean, I could've asked one for a favor but that would mean my daughter got to meet agents for them being in the US." He shifted to lean against the doorway. "If that was your intention why not give her in-school suspension?"
"I...did not make that choice. The teacher did."
"Ah, that one." He nodded once. "I'm really not happy with her and all the problems she's been causing."
"I'm aware of most of them."
"Would you like to have a talk with her?"
"I think I can. Is your daughter coming back tomorrow?"
"No clue. That may depend on how well she does on her first day off her meds." The older woman grimaced. "I do not like this trend. At all," he warned. "It's getting fishier than a McFish sandwich." She nodded with a sigh. "And I think I can tell the root of the problem."
"I'll have a talk with her. Is she all right?"
"Probably. She's still napping. I put her into bed and had Andrew pay some attention to her while I came here." He walked off looking displeased.
Xander met with the Council's lawyer, handing over the paperwork he had been sent. "I want them out of there."
"The whole board?"
"No, there's a teacher and two members of the board doing this." He handed over the information he had. "Her teacher specifically. I've talked to the principal about her and her weird things a few times. The principal is stuck and she's tried to be understanding. The nurse's helped a lot. A few other teachers in the school are pretty decent.
"It's not just my daughter either. Giles was heaving a fit last night that the one girl in catholic school was being kicked out for being a slayer." The lawyer nodded once, making a note. "One of the girls in middle school has had every single problem land on her head without her participating."
"I can understand that." He looked over the letter of intent to hold Prissy back. "This absence?" Xander handed over the medical paperwork. And the notice of suspension that left his daughter at home alone. He winced at that. "They had to know."
"She told them! Though I did have a talk with Emmery about leaving her here for a few hours while she went to take a test second period."
He made more notes. "Emmery was unreasonable in that but probably trying to problem solve. Priscilla can probably handle three hours by herself?"
"Then no she can't." He sighed, going back to the notes they had made. "Her grades are fairly reasonable."
"I had to push that. The teacher thought I was being mean to her by expecting good grades."
The lawyer looked up at him. "That's what most parents would want."
"Exactly. She thought me making Prissy camp each time Buffy got hold of her was mean too."
"Have you thought about a nanny?"
"Am I really nanny hiring people?"
"No, you're not, Harris." He made that note as well. "Even if you could afford it."
"Oh, I could," he said dryly. "I'm not that sort. She's my daughter and I do most of her care."
"Is Emmery old enough to drive?"
"She's seventeen. She has her license, her CPR license, all the stuff the social workers made sure of before we put her on as the housesitter. We made sure. We have too many girls with social workers here to not ask about the regulations or demands first."
"That's sensible." He made that note. "I'm assuming the one we usually see?"
"We asked Miss Natalie at the hospital, she's a social worker with them. We were about to hit the battle in Belgrade so we asked about how to set up a housesitter slayer. She gave us regs and Emmery fit most of them. So she volunteered out of the few who won't want to patrol."
"That's fine. The Council has become very good to the girls. The same as you're a decent enough parent." He looked through them again. "Let me call and then we'll talk with you and Giles?"
"Please." He walked off rubbing his forehead.
The lawyer came out a few hours later, looking amused. "They assumed that you had some sort of trust fund from Anya's estate."
"Why would I have gotten much of anything? We weren't together anymore. I left her at the altar." Xander looked confused.
"No idea. That was their thought process." Xander shook his head. "Now they know you're a normal guy who is a parent. They're still against you for being Council. The local schools have teachers who want to remove the girls."
Xander sighed. "Great. She's not a slayer."
"They don't care, Xander. You work here." Xander rolled his eye but nodded. "The full board looked at it and denied the attempt to hold her back. They're also very sorry." Xander stared at him. "Though that may not stop them going after all the girls in the near future. They consider it dangerous for the other students." Xander nodded once. "Did we have to deal with that?"
"Twice," Giles said. "The first to enroll them and the second after the invasion when they got worried some of their students were there."
"So this is mystical attempt three?" Xander asked. Giles nodded. "Well, they're in for a rude shock." Giles winced. The lawyer looked smug. "I was known as an act of karma a few times in Africa." He grinned sweetly. "Also, they forgot that someone had to teach Anya how to invest." Giles gave him an odd look. "Back in '86, Grandma died and left me all her shares of stocks she had just bought. Including Microsoft. On their IPO day."
Giles moaned at that, shaking his head. "I have a trust. I don't use it. I don't pay much attention to it. But I do have one." He grinned. "I get an equal pay from it related to my paycheck. Which is why I don't let the little mini me shop." He smirked at the lawyer, who shuddered. "I did however inherit the stocks Anya had."
The lawyer moaned. "I knew you had something. You didn't complain often enough about expensive car repairs, boy."
Xander chuckled but nodded. "Yeah, I don't pay attention to that because my car got Andrew'd. And I don't want her to know. She's to be raised as a normal little girl." He looked around the room. "Also, whoever is doing the wishing that I win the lottery so I retire? I won't retire. There's no one to replace me."
"If wish demons would answer us, I nearly made a wish to have more field watchers," the library guy said dryly. "But I'm also scared of how out of control they'd become."
Xander walked over to hug him. "Go ask the guys I worked with in Africa, who jokingly called themselves my cult. They've proven they can do the job and guard the girls down there for us all. From all over the world, have traveled, many were military. Or agents." He grinned at Giles.
"They're very handy at all that stuff and would love to train other girls elsewhere or help them handle battles." He strolled off. "Let me get pretty for this upcoming meeting. I may need to liquidate something to look more important. Then again, half of us do have titles, even though it doesn't matter over here."
"Half of us?" Giles demanded, looking around. The others with titles all shrugged. "More than half, Xander." He paused. "You do?" he demanded loudly. Xander shot him a grin from the hallway. "How in any hell realm did that happen?" He looked. "Someone find out if he has one." One of the guys nodded and texted someone who could ask someone to look it up.
"Your Honor, they have my name incorrect," Xander said patiently, looking very nice in his fashionable suit and diamond earring, his hair all nicely done up. His shoes shiny and professional looking. "They stated it was Xander and it is not. That's a nickname."
"Then what is your name, the full formal one, Mr. Harris?"
"Sir Alexander Lavelle Harris-Johnson-Marcarda-Blessings-Tyler."
The judge blinked. "Hyphenated when you got married?"
"Mostly against my will and semi-legal in some areas but they would be recognized by the US now." He smiled. "I've been married against my will three times, and two more that were gay men doing such against my will but that would be a bit more iffy if legal in the US; even though gay marriage is, it's not in the areas that it happened." The judge stared at him oddly.
He grinned. "Some contacts I had in Africa while I was training the slayers. They ...coveted. I was busy. They decided I should not be as busy." He shrugged but looked smug. "Technically I'm a widow twice and the last one is in jail somewhere in Arizona for being a serial killer who coveted me."
"You are not the normal man, Mr. Harris. Is that 'sir' a formal title?" Xander handed over the paperwork on that. "Oh, I see it is." He read that announcement of why it was given. "You did what?"
"Saved the Tower of London from a demon humping it."
"I see." He put it aside. He was ignoring the choking from the teachers and Mr. Giles. "What do you go by legally?"
"In the US? Alexander Lavelle Harris is on my driver's license. The full name wouldn't fit and if I claim it formally agents show up to nag."
"I can see why. Fine, I'll amend your subpoena to reflect the official name on your driver's license since that would be legal within the US." He made that note. "Swear Mr. Harris in please."
Xander took his vow and sat down, arranging himself and unbuttoning his suit jacket. He smiled at the teachers. "The daughter does not know and will not know. She's shielded from any of that knowledge so she grows up normal." That lawyer grimaced at that. He looked at the Council lawyer, who looked amused. Xander had noted that to him before they had gotten here today.
"For the sake of agents who will probably try to pounce us, what were those spouses into?"
"Mostly? Weapons. A serial killer of each gender as well. One very corrupt wannabe warlord. He and the other two were into weapons more than anything else." He shifted to cross his feet. "They helped with battles but people in their lives hated that they had found something outside the business.
"So they fixed that problem that they saw and I inherited a lot of their things." He grinned, touching his ear then putting his hand down. "I don't use it much. I'm a normal guy handling normal guy things like battles."
"You consider that normal?"
"For working with the slayers, yes." He smiled and nodded. "I definitely do."
"Your daughter doesn't know?"
"No. I've kept it from her and made sure even if someone tells her she won't hear it. I want my daughter to have a normal person life, find a good career, all that. Hopefully outside the Council."
"Would you say the same thing about a son?" he asked.
"Yes. Because I don't want my kids to have to face down a battle and wish that they had died a few years earlier instead."
"I didn't think about that. Most people would not want their children in battles." He got the statements from the school board to hand over. "What are those, Mr. Harris?"
"You've been married?" Buffy demanded loudly as they walked into the house.
"Yeah." He nodded. "The kid knew about two of them, they had her dressed up as the flower girl." He shrugged. "Not totally my choice but they thought it'd be neat." She gaped, staring in horrified awe. He grinned. "Why do you ask?"
"I haven't even gotten close to being married!" she complained.
"Yeah, I've done things you haven't. Including peed on a snake by accident and had to get an anti-venom shot. So?"
He grinned. "What? Want introduced to some of the ones I dated?" He walked around her. He heard Willow ranting about that idea so he pulled up the profile done on him by someone down there and emailed it to Giles. He could hand it to Willow then duck her temper going off.
Buffy stomped past him to go to the office after Giles had texted her. She tried to shove Xander into a wall but he didn't move very much. It took a few minutes but she started to complain loudly too. He grinned at Andrew. "They just heard I had been married before."
Andrew nodded, handing him a bag with dinner. "Have a great picnic, Xander." He and his little girl went to eat in the park once he got changed.
Priscilla looked up at him. "Dad, do I have siblings?"
"From me? Not that I'm aware of. Though, the ones who made you, maybe. I haven't really looked into it after I brought them down."
"Do I have another parent? The teacher asked and I had to say I didn't know."
"Well, yeah, you're not a clone so you have to have another parent." He grimaced. "That's complicated."
"Because..." He sighed. "The ones who made you were ...really stupid," he admitted finally. "They wanted better watchers. That whole file is really wrong in a lot of ways." She grimaced but nodded. "Actually, I do need to look at that program to make sure they're still ended." He sent a text to someone.
They pretended not to know him so he reminded him who he was. And why he was asking. He said he'd get those files to him later that week so he could look into it again. "We'll look over it and make sure you don't have siblings."
She looked at him. "I heard Auntie Buffy yelling about the marriages." He nodded, sipping his gatorade. "Do I have siblings from them that would be step-kids to you?"
He considered that. "Only one. She's about seventeen, we've never met, and she's in a boarding school." She grinned at that. "I have no idea if she even knows that her father died." He grimaced. "I'm not sure if I should let you write to her or not."
"Let me ask a few people about what she knows first." She nodded, humming as she dug into the food. They both looked at the slayer strolling their way. "We're having a picnic, Stella."
She nodded. "We all evacuated because Willow turned Giles into a pet. And then Buffy when she complained." Xander winced. "Who's second-in-command?"
"Hevens. Though I'm going to bust his ass into a jail cell if he tries anything. How soon can the coven change him back?"
"They don't want to. I'm trying to figure out who has a debt."
Xander shook his head, calling someone. "I'm calling in a mayday debt," he said quietly. "Rosenburg lost her ever-killing little mind and turned Giles into a pet. Yeah, because that means the next guy can undo a lot of things. Which means the Council goes to war." He grinned at his daughter.
"No, I'm having a picnic because Willow and Buffy found out I had been married when they haven't even gotten a long term relationship. Please. Yes, I'll owe you some. You can have some hellmouth taint or blood if you want. Thanks, man." He hung up. "A sorcerer." Stella shuddered. He grinned. "Call in."
She did that. "It's me. I found Xander and Pris. Yeah, he's back? Great! No, Xander asked a sorcerer. Thanks, dear." She hung up, looking at him. "He's in ghostly form but his body is presently mid-change back to human. Who was that?"
"If I need to I'll introduce you some day."
"Was it the guy with the cape?" Priscilla asked.
"No. One out of Germany."
"Oh." She nodded, eating some more. "Dad's met a number of them. One of them blessed me to a chaos god."
Xander grinned and nodded. "Yes he did. And it was nice that the chaos god came down to ask you to quit being so power giving when you were always annoyed as a three-year-old, daughter." Stella walked off hugging herself. They shared a grin and got back to dinner.
When they came back that night, Giles was back in human form, looked a bit evil, and really mad. "Did Gregory have you possessed too?" Xander quipped, his daughter in his arms because she was half asleep.
"No," he said dryly. "Why did you do that?"
"Because it was that or sending Hevens to hell." He grinned. "And I was told the coven wouldn't."
"Yes, they wanted him to change some things around."
Xander smirked. "I'll protect the girls if he gets the big chair. The girls can evac while we have that small war and Andrew can take over for us."
Giles sipped his tea, nodding. "He'd need some tactical planning skills."
"He used to world build, Giles. He's got some. It's never used anymore outside games. That's where I learned it from too." He smirked.
"That figures," he admitted then sighed. "He did try to do a few things, including firing you."
"I can move, dude." He looked at the staring watchers. "I can easily move and just be a hunter that steps in now and then. Of course, that means all the stuff I brought into the Council is coming with me. Including the weapons. And this building." They all whined at that. He smiled. "None of us are going to let you backslide, people. Did you think I was nice?" He grinned. They shrank away from him. He shifted his daughter to his other shoulder. "So anyway, do I need to go pack us up?"
"No. Though the girls did rather...search your apartment."
"They can put whatever they found back too. Especially since nothing's up there. I've locked the bank account and changed all the cards out so Buffy can't do that again. Or Willow. Anything financial is kept in a magically hidden box in the truck because I've seen her trying to steal from me too."
"That would be wrong of her. You could have her charged?"
"Yeah." He smiled and nodded. "If I wanted to go to an agent to talk about all the wrong around here? I'd get an immunity deal for the weapons while they all went to jail. We'd be down to three people and Andrew. Plus about three-quarters of the girls if we included local level crimes."
Giles winced. "Oh, dear."
"I've chosen so far to handle it in-house as it's called." He gave him a pointed look. "But let it endanger my daughter. Just even a tiny bit, Giles."
"She should probably be safer away from the battles then, Xander."
"Well, no other parent. The group that made her didn't exactly use nice people to create future watchers." One of the old liners choked. "Yeah, she came from that program out of Leeds," he said dryly with a smirk. "What a shock, huh?" They all whined at that. "So yeah, keep it up." They shrank away from him.
"And everything's in safety deposit boxes in safely anti-magicable banks. Even the two you seem to have pulled...those aren't mine. Well, they are but not with what you expect. Those are battle videos." He grinned. "And not the only copies.
"If those are found to have been tampered with or stolen then the *whole* group goes to reporters in the BBC. I like how they handle demon battles." He found the remote and turned on the tv in there to the pay channels, then found the BBCA station. "Let's see what their news people report tonight, shall we?"
Giles moaned. "Xander, that's evil."
He grinned. "Thanks." He smiled at the old liners. "There will be *no* backsliding to where it had been before the rest of you got blown up. Ever. If it does, I'll help rebuild it again." He stared at one, who was shrinking down. "Now, any other desires you want tonight that I can counter?"
"No," one said. "You're a Lord?""
"I'm a Knight. Though yes, I am, and I know that but I have not seen fit to claim that. Should I? If I need to I can do that." They all shook their heads. "You sure?" They nodded. "Great. Let me get Pris to bed then." He strolled off. "Remember, I learned how to counter plots from Willow and her mother, people. I had more girl-like training than guy training."
Giles finished his laced tea, nodding. "Yes, I can see that. It is very much a vindictive girl plan." He looked at them. "Now that you've endangered all our works...." They groaned. "Someone do ask the BBC nicely to not put those out there all at once?"
"Will they really care?" one asked.
"Yes," Giles said. "One of them had the present ruler of a major country possessed. The scandal will be massive and reach up into alliances in the northern hemisphere. His report was short but bad enough that Callais drank heavily that night."
"Oh, that battle," Callais said dryly. "Yes, that's going to be charming when it overthrows three European governments for having demon possessed people." He winced and looked up the BBC's number online so he could talk to someone there about those battle tapes they now had possession of. Though the editor he talked to didn't know that and went looking. What he found was not amusing. "Oh, dear, everything and all of his reports, Rupert."
Giles nodded. "That's what I had figured." He stared at them. "You lot started it." They groaned, going to do some damage control. They even asked Andrew if he could find and remove some of those tapes before they got shown.
Andrew looked at them as they came into the kitchen. "I'm almost certain it's went to agents too," he said before they could say anything. "Especially the ones overseas since he knows not to trust a lot of the agents in the US. With the ones he ran into in the field, there's going to be a ton of shit coming." They sighed but nodded.
"As for the BBC, they're still downloading to them. Can I stop that? No. They're on a super secured server that's hidden on the dark web. Jonathan might've been able to do that. I know Willow can't. Maybe a few agents could stop that but do we want to ask them and possibly involve more agents?"
"No, we'd rather not have any agents."
Andrew nodded. "Too late on that, by a few weeks. Mina's uncle showed up a few weeks back to start something against her and he's an agent. An idiot but an agent. Actually, you guys putting that out there so you can do damage control as it comes out means that he can't use that to snatch Mina and the other girls. So it was a good enough plan that you guys made Xander go to."
"Shite," one muttered, going to tell Rupert that. He was aware that crank had been an agent but hadn't thought about him trying them to discredit and ruin the girls.
"We'll handle it as we have all the other information that came to light about the old Council," Giles sighed, looking at him. "Though I would leave Xander out of any plots. Permanently."
"He doesn't have magic."
"Are you certain the hellmouth taint he carries can't be used that way?" Giles asked with a pleasant smile. "I wouldn't be so certain."
The man considered that. "That can't be healthy."
"It's been his whole life."
"Oh." He walked off to tell the others. They weren't pleased. They monitored what came out and it was nasty. Supremely nasty. A bit was salacious since some agents put out information on who Xander had slept with when they ran into him. Xander laughed and put up something on his new twitter account, started just for this, to point out a few things in video form.
It didn't make him look angelic by any means but it did show that the agents who tried that move were involved in *why* a few things had happened and then he added one bombshell at the end that made the agents lock down their buildings and go on a hunt for their own people. Xander was quite pleased.
Giles, not even the tiniest bit amused. But that happened sometimes. Xander could always go back to another house to get out of the way of the stress.
Xander dropped Priscilla off at school the next morning, staring down at her. "Be safe, be healthy, be smart, and don't come home with a note that wasn't you defending yourself," he ordered. "If they try it, you can end it and I won't be mad, but never start it."
"Yes, Dad," she sighed. She headed for the playground.
Lucifer, Pris's little friend, came over to stare at Xander. "Did you really take out that huge demon with a big, huge gun?"
"Yeah, a few of them." He nodded with a grin. "And with a sword, and with my battle axe a few times. It had to happen to protect others." He patted him on the head. "Sometimes you do what you gotta do. Even if people complain."
He considered that. "I feel that way about playing in the mud sometimes." He went to find Priscilla to hang out with her.
Xander grinned at Lucifer's mom, who was grinning back. "The old liners tried to get into things to annoy me. So the automatic releases happened." He got back into his truck and went back to the Council. They were having a meeting about how bad this was going to be and he was the only one who knew everything that was on the release schedule.
Xander's agent friend showed up with the box of notes for him. "Did you mean to piss off every single agency?" the guy asked with a grin.
"That wasn't my intention, Sam, but hey!" He grinned, taking the box. "They tried to backslide and annoy me into quitting." He shrugged. "Thanks for finding this for me. Pris wanted to know if she had siblings."
"Yeah, she does." Xander winced. "Not only your stepdaughter, who does know about all that. She hates you by the way."
"It wasn't my fault."
"She was informed of that but she's seventeen."
"I deal with many girls like that daily. I'll let Pris try to write her once to see if she'd like to do that."
"She might. She hated how her father died."
"His people did it."
"I know. So does she. She might take that group down. That would break some of the support for your former group down there."
"They'll be fine. Most of them were out of the business anyway."
"True." He clapped him on the arm. "Pris okay? We heard she got sick."
"She's allergic to the paint they use in art class. The girls in there talked her into decorating herself with it, including as makeup. Four hours of ER visit to get it off, get her valium to calm down, and a lot of steroids later...."
"Shit," Sam Wilson said then shook his head. "But she's good?"
"She's fine. Mouthy as usual." He grinned. "I told her this morning to end anything she needed to but not to start it."
"That beats you baiting people to take a swing so you could hit 'em," Sam decided. He shook his head again. "So much like you."
"Isn't that really better for the world though." He winked. "Let me go over this stuff."
"Sure. Is there more hidden?"
"Of course." He smirked. "A few of the battles that'll creep out everyone and a few other things. Including how Pris came to be."
"Can anyone get into them?"
"Yeah, I've got a few names on that list who have no idea who I am. Because they could handle the fallout. And one's my icon." He grinned. "He doesn't know about me at all."
"I doubt that after the last few days." He walked off shaking his head. "Slip me that list of names someday, Harris."
"It's in the diary I gave to that one person."
"I'll ask her for it. She had no idea why you handed her a diary in a language she didn't read."
"Because she should've had it translated."
"Point." He grinned back but got into his car and drove off.
Xander took the box back to the center to go over. He settled in Giles' office while the older man was doing paperwork. "On the Leeds program that made Pris." He handed him that file after glancing through it. "She asked if she has siblings."
"That's what I'm figuring out." He went back to looking over the files. He hummed at one point. "They did try. A son. Hey!" He grinned. "Not born yet."
Giles shuddered. "You're a very fussy father, Xander." Xander smirked at that. "Your son would be chaos incarnate however."
"Well, Gregory did bless her to a chaos god, who did come down to politely ask her to give him less power while she was three."
Giles took off his glasses to rub at his eyes. "Yes, I can see that. Does he still get power from her?"
"All kids are chaotic sources of power, Giles."
"Loki. She told him his hair was pretty."
"Oh, dear. After all that...."
"No, that was before the invasion. The year before actually. Back when the reports of Thor falling were going around. Which he did." He went back to looking. "He's in London."
"His girlfriend is there." He grinned. "She's a bit scattered but fairly okay."
"She's under the slayers' there protection."
"That's good then." He went back to looking over that file, grimacing. "They really did screw up grandly. They should have encouraged more breeding."
"The ones they wanted kids from they didn't want to raise them."
"Point. They probably never wanted you to raise Priscilla."
Xander nodded. "They were horrified I heard. Especially since I was in there cuddling the kids in the nursery when they came in one day and UK agents were waiting on them. So very not pleased." He smirked.
"I can see why. Thankfully most of the names attached are gone?"
"Nope. In jail I hope."
"That would be nice." Xander was staring at one file then sighing. "Your son?"
"He's in stasis. Born but in stasis. I need to contact someone."
"You could go over."
"I could. Pris would love going to England. She likes the girls in that house." He smiled. "But that would leave them to start more shit."
"Perhaps but I think we've solved that." Xander handed over something. "No, you are to go stop that, Xander." He put the sheet that had the current orders, as of last week, down. "Please. Before I have a charming child as well."
"They tried, the embryo didn't implant." He handed over that file. Giles growled. "I recognize two names."
"As do I unfortunately. I'll be talking with them. How did we get this?"
"Sam Wilson. He's almost, kinda SHIELD related."
"SHIELD is one I do not like." Xander nodded he agreed. "Can he help you stop it?"
"The new Captain America?"
"Oh, him. Yes, quite charming of him to help us. Do we have someone over there who can help you end them?"
"Of course." He smiled. "Even in SHIELD. But I can start more subtly." He got up, taking the files he wanted with him. "It'll take me two weeks."
"That's fine, Xander. Do have some fun while you're over there."
"Of course." He winked at him before heading up to pack for both of them. He went to the school, smiling at the principal, who was unhappy to see him. "We're going to England for a few weeks on assignment. Did you want her to do reports on anything cultural I bring her to?"
"If she must," she complained. "Why are you going over there?"
"Because there's a program who's trying to make her a little brother." He smiled.
"Oh," she said then shuddered. "I see. Do have fun stopping it."
"Yes I will. She'll get to hit a few museums." He strolled up to the classroom, leaning in. "Pris, let's hit it. We've got to hit England for a few weeks. You can do reports on the museums and stuff."
"Why?" she asked, looking up from sitting on a crying girl's back.
"Because someone's trying to make you a baby brother, dear. What did she do?"
"Tried to hurt herself," Lucifer said. "She was beating herself up so we stopped her."
"Oh, sure." He looked up the hallway. "Officer Jacob," he called quietly. He came rushing over. "The kiddo had to stop a kid trying to hurt herself."
"I wish the teacher had told us." He came in to help the girl up and she kept trying to rip her hair out.
Xander came in to check her over. "Not possessed." He tipped the girl's face up. "Hi. What's wrong?"
"Everything! It's all wrong and nasty and evil and I can't stop it!"
Xander nodded. "That's my job, not yours until you're an adult, Princess." He grinned. "Even if it's all wrong in here, not your job. I fight evil, it's my job." The girl stared at him. He nodded. "I do. That's why I work with the slayers. Now, what evil drove you that nuts?" She pointed at the teacher. "I know she's evil. Did she hurt you?"
"She was saying things again."
"Okay. We can ask the principal to look at it," the safety officer assured her quietly and calmly. "That way she can stop it. That's the principal's job, not ours. If you tell us we can stop those things." The girl relaxed and nodded. "Good girl. C'mon, we'll go talk about it and get your parents here."
"I told her, she ignored it."
"Some parents aren't great like I am," Xander said dryly. "Tell Lucifer's mom if I'm not around, okay?" She looked hopeful and nodded. "Or Missy's mom. She's a social worker." He pointed across the hall. "She's over there so you can ask her to talk to her mom."
"I can do that." She was crying but it was a happier crying. The officer walked her off.
Xander looked at Priscilla. "Not a bad way to stop her from hurting herself and I heard you purring. Not a bad method. But still, gotta hit England."
"Do I really have a baby brother?"
"There's some agents trying really hard. We'll have to see." She sighed but nodded. "And hey, that means you get to be the big sister."
She looked at him. "Is someone going to dedicate him to a chaos god too?"
"All kids are powering chaos gods, dear. It's what being a kid means."
"Oh. I didn't think about that." She got her stuff, hugged a few kids including Lucifer, then went with him to be signed out for a few weeks. "The teacher ignored it completely."
"Yeah, she's got issues. Someone really needs to handle her issues before they end up hurting a kid. Did you pounce?"
"Hugged then made her sit down so I could sit on her back and purr at her like I do with the slayers having panic attacks."
"That's not a bad idea. If someone complains they can talk to us when we get back." He let her out the door and to the truck. When they got to the airport, Xander pulled out the specially charmed vehicle holder and put the truck into it. That shrank it down to matchbox sized and it nicely fit in his carry-on.
They checked in and went through the security system. One of the TSA people looked at the case. Xander grinned. "It's my specially made truck for demon hunting. That way I'm not without necessary things when we go on duty in England." The TSA agent put it back while stepping back as far as he could. Priscilla got patted down but she just sighed at that. It happened a lot. No agents wanted to pat him down when they found out who he was.
Xander walked up to someone, staring at him. "Hey, Dad."
The agent blinked at him. "I..."
Xander held up the folder. "She noted I was yours. But I'm not here for you. Your charming dance partner needs to come help me with the same people he helped me with last time."
The other agent looked at him. "What?"
Xander grinned. "They made Pris a brother!"
"The hell you say!" he demanded. He took that folder to look at and stared. "Oh, you are named on his birth certificate." He handed that over and went with Xander to see what he had found this time. "How is the sprout?"
"With Kennedy at a museum today. She knows why. Pris isn't sure if she's happy about the baby brother in stasis or not."
"Yup." He grinned at him. "They're still trying. He's been in stasis for over a year now."
"Giles found out the ones who were making orders. So they can probably come home soon if US agents don't want them."
"They should probably pass on their names too."
"That's why they had a breeding program."
"Point." They went to look at the files in the office so he could get official permission. Xander also filmed it to send to someone else. "Who?"
"Ah." He nodded. "I want to forget they exist."
"That one may not anymore but his people would be monitoring that number because I'd tell him about bigger things the same way I do you."
"Even better." With a few forms they went to raid that lab with backup. Including a few from a smaller, more hidden agency.
Xander found the nursery in stasis, magical stasis as it happened. He tested it with his pendant then looked around. "Guys, we have magical stasis on the nursery," he called. "Want me to call someone?"
"Please," got yelled back. "Do we have notes on whose they are?"
"One's mine," Xander said dryly. "The rest, probably somewhere." He looked. "We might need paramedics."
"On their way," that agent said, coming over. "Oh, wow. There's six kids."
"One's supposed to be my son." He called a witch. "It's Xander. We have a nursery in magical stasis. No. Like babies, Clorisma." He hung up when she promised they'd look at it. He felt the scrying start and the field came down. Xander went in there to look at the kids. They were slowly waking up. His phone beeped. "We have a second nursery downstairs, people. She woke them up too."
Someone went to find it and get the paramedics there to them too.
Xander looked at one. "By the records one of the boys they made is mine," he said. "I don't know which yet."
"All right. Who're you?"
"Watcher Xander Harris. Formerly the guy training slayers in Africa." He grinned.
"Yeah, sometimes. This was some of the old liners' plan to get more future watchers because no one was breeding enough and if they were their kids weren't raised to be proper watcher clones."
"Great." They gathered all the kids and the agents got the files. They could start with DNA testing. Social workers showed up to help with all that. Xander got them into another database with a nod for one of the agents. "That's the Council's former DNA project to breed better slayers. Half the old line watchers had family in there."
"We can use it to search against too, Harris," one of the agents said. Xander nodded. "We have one that's a sucking portal."
Xander went to look and saved that kid by sucking the portal off him with his magic absorbing pendant he wore against Willow attacking him. "Anti-Willow protection," he said dryly. "Very handy." He picked the little girl up to look at. "You better, little one?" She yawned and blinked at him. "Here you go. Go to the nice agent guy." The agent took her to the paramedics.
Xander searched the room and found a hidden area. That had a shrine to a demon lord. Xander broke it with a sword he found in a corner. Then he went to look at other things. He found one area under protection. "Guys, this one's protected," he announced. He felt around and found the area he'd need, looking at it.
He beat the protections until they went down. It set the room on fire but the automatic sprinklers went off. The agents weren't pleased but they didn't want to be eaten either. Xander went to turn off the security system. That removed all the magic. "There, no security system." He looked at the senior agent. "It should mean it's easier to dig into things too."
"Good. Thank you, lad." He went to handle that. "Go to the hospital to see which kid is yours."
"Yup. Let me know if you need more slayer style help." He put the sword on the desk before leaving. It wasn't his and it was in crappy shape.
Xander was on the astral plane. He had both kids with him. And now he had to find a baby daddy. He pulled him up there, making him blink a few times. "Hey. Long time no see."
"You flirted with me once to make your arms dealer jealous," he said dryly.
"Yeah." He grinned and nodded. "And the US decided you needed an heir."
"What?" he demanded.
Xander sighed, writing in the air. "This is the astral plane by the way. I pulled you out of your body for a few minutes for this talk." He went back to writing in the air. "I stopped them last week with the help of some UK agents."
He read the writing and winced but stared at the young boy on his lap. "Well."
"Yeah. No one was going to tell you. Or let me tell you." He grinned. "Which is seriously wrong in a lot of ways."
"It is." He stared at him. "So you wanted to inform me of that little one's birth?"
"Rescue. Also note that they tried to make you a daughter but missed. It didn't implant. They had a bad problem with that."
"Yup." He let him hold the virtual son. The guy relaxed, staring at him. "He's safe with me. Priscilla is an adoring big sister, most of the time. Now and then she frowns that he's taking her attention. But it's only been a week."
The man nodded. "Do you want me to be responsible for anything?"
"No. You needed to know just in case I die in a battle but otherwise no."
"Good idea. Especially where I am at the moment." He looked at the young girl then at him. "This is very strange."
"Ya know, I know him. He's kind of a dick."
The other guy smiled. "That figures. I know you deal with slayer things."
"Yes I do. Though I'm not in Africa anymore."
"Charming." He licked his lips, looking at his son. "This is..."
"Probably really upsetting but I wasn't going to not tell you. You have the right to know."
"That is fair, thank you." He handed him back. Xander let him nap on his lap again. The father sighed but nodded. "I will....let my people know."
"If you can. They are violating your rights. A lot."
"Yes, but telling them that means we all get tortured."
Xander nodded. "No, I'm going to note it to others." He grinned. "They named him Marcus Algernon. I was going to keep Marcus as the second name. Maybe Todd. I understood Emperor Todd very well in the movie."
The other guy smiled at that because he remembered this one being goofy. "I've barely heard about that movie. It's not my genre of choice."
"It's that or after some sort of mythical hero sort. Iolus? The I spelling not the Ae spelling."
The father sighed but shook his head with a smile. "It's rather hard to spell and he'd be a sidekick, Mr. Harris."
Xander winked. "I don't want my kids to follow in my footsteps. Ever."
"Good point. Iolus makes a better middle name. He can have two middle names I suppose. It's fashionable. What other names have you considered?"
"Nikolai, mostly due to your heritage. Adrius. Saif. Egon. And Thane."
The other man blinked a few times. "Those are very...non-standard names."
"I hate being called normal. The slayers do it all too often."
"Ah." He nodded. Saif means?"
"Sword in Arabic. I knew a great hunter who had that name."
"I'm assuming Egon from the movie." Xander grinned but nodded. "Thane... has a meaning. Would he hold a fort for his lord's service?"
"I have one so I don't see why not."
"Then Thane may be the best choice. Thane Iolus Harris?"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. He should not carry my name. It will prejudice people against him. Though I will have him noted so he's in the books."
"I sent the file to your family home. I figured they had some way to monitor that. I can send a copy of his birth certificate when I file it."
"That would be nice of you." He stared at him. "He'll be protected?"
"He and Pris both."
"Good." He sighed. "Thank you for letting me know."
Xander grinned. "It's wrong not to."
"True." He stood up and looked around. "How do I get back here in the future? It's less boring than where I am."
"Meditation. It's the astral plane so out of body travel."
"Ah. I hadn't even considered that before. Perhaps I'll learn so I can watch over him now and then."
"You can do that." He grinned. "I don't mind." The father nodded and disappeared. Xander sent the kids back to their bodies then went to his own. Pris glared at him when he checked on her. Thane woke up to fuss. "Hey, Thane. Do you like your new name?" he cooed, picking him up to cuddle. The baby went back to sleep after a few more fusses.
Kennedy leaned in. "You back?"
"Yeah, his daddy knows."
"That's good." She came in. "What's his name?"
"Thane Iolus Marcus Harris. Though I could drop the Marcus."
"Thane?" she asked dryly.
"It means warrior."
"Well, I am a Knight because I saved the Tower of London from a humping demon, Kennedy."
"Point. He'll inherit that." She nodded, handing over a bottle and letting him handle things for now. "The bulletin board is waiting to hear about him."
"Thanks. Should I drop the Marcus?"
"Yup. TIMH isn't really the acronym for your kid. TIH might be better."
"Cool. Thanks." He let the baby eat and sleep. He finally took a picture to put on the slayer bulletin board with his naming announcement. He put up a picture of Pris cuddling him too. The girls mostly sent back coos but didn't remark on the name. They did the same thing to Priscilla, named after a movie he adored.
Xander showed up the next day to file the birth certificate with the agents. "Here you go. One formal paperwork hurdle for the case against them."
The agent looked at the name then at him. "Thane?"
"I liked it!"
"That figures." He looked at the two kids with him then at the other agents. He looked at Xander again. "Is he healthy?"
"Yeah. So far." He grinned. "The girls all thought he was adorable when I put out the announcement on the bulletin board."
"Great." He nodded. "Your Mr. Giles is apparently mad at you?"
"I hope not. He has no reason to be mad at me."
"We had to arrest a few of his people."
"Well, they were doing stupid shit like making me more kids!"
"Point." He nodded. "The one you're claiming as a father is drunk."
Xander winked. "So he's really a Harris?"
"You can tell him she probably picked him because that sponsored orgy during training thing meant she didn't know the other two." The agent choked. "She said it was prompted once. Then she moaned about the drugs they tested on her."
"Yeah. They wanted to test it so they picked a few junior agents and some town girl." He waved his free hand. The other was holding onto Priscilla before she went to be nosy. She had done that in MI-6 and ended up in the lab with some young guy freaking out that she knew the parts of the gun he was cleaning. "The other two I'm not sure are still alive or if it's them. If you find out, let me know? I'll start sending dad's day cards." He grinned.
"Yeah, I can freak them out that way, Harris." He looked at Priscilla, who grinned and waved. "Are you liking being a big sis?"
"Sometimes. He's not too bad, even if diapers are gross."
"Yeah but he'll grow out of 'em like you did."
"True. I'm wondering if that same sorcerer will dedicate him to a different chaos god, Dad."
"No idea. We'll have to see what happens, Pris."
She grinned and nodded. "It might be cool if he had his own. That way I'm not sharing even more."
"True." Xander grinned at the agent. "A sorcerer in Germany dedicated her toddler self."
"Yeah, most toddlers are like that." He nodded a few times. Then he laughed. "I can totally see that." He clapped Xander on the arm. "Let us handle the rest. If we find more kids of yours we'll let you know. Did you tell the other father?"
"Yeah. I pulled him to the astral plane to tell him. He helped me pick the name."
"Awww. That's sweet of you." He went to tell the higher ups that while Xander got to go back to the US. Him and his spawn of chaos.
Xander did have one stop to make. He smiled at the lawyer, handing over the paperwork. "I need to present that *quietly*."
The lawyer looked it over and sighed. "Are you certain?"
"Yeah. I am. It has to be quiet though. I have one noted but I've hidden that one."
"I can see why. Your heirs?"
"Someone over here was making more future watchers so I have kids. This is Priscilla, who petted a few corgis the last time we were in town, and Thane, my new one I came over to rescue this trip. His father has a former one as well. I know there's some sort of procedure. We leave in two days but I can extend if it I have to."
The lawyer looked it over again, then shook his head. "You don't have to formally present the children any longer. I can let that be known. And about that estate being inherited. Are they going to be raised over here?"
"I'm a new line watcher. I started on the Sunnydale team. I may if I ever retire so they can go to good schools."
"Understandable then." He made notes. "I'll pass this up, Mr. Harris."
"Thank you." He shook his hand and took the kids back to the slayer house. He took the girls who wanted to go to the museum with them. A full house field trip with Priscilla making notes and taking pictures on his phone.
Xander met up with another watcher in the airport in London, nodding at him.
"Boy, who did you inherit that title from?" he demanded.
"The estate in upper Wales? A former spouse." He smiled. "I might've stayed with him if his people hadn't killed him."
"No, the new title! You can't inherit those."
"I can inherit those if they're related. Mom's family was cut out for being an illegitimate daughter. Great-grandfather died last year. They were looking for heirs and they found out about Mom and then me. I'm the only male left in the family outside Thane here." He patted the baby on the head. "So yeah, I did inherit. There's been a lot of that in my family."
"Oh." He blinked a few times. "You named your son Thane?"
"It means warrior."
"That as well," he said dryly.
"I am basically the Thane for the Council," Xander said dryly.
"I didn't think about that," he muttered. "Fine." He huffed, looking down. "Yes, I see you, other spawn of Harris."
She smirked and kicked him on the ankle. "Be nicer or someday I'll run the Council for Uncle Ripper."
The man shuddered, shrinking back. "That day should never come."
"Then be nicer to my dad so he doesn't want to let me join up."
"Point I suppose." He looked at Xander. "He'll need a passport. If he's old enough to fly he'll have to have one."
"We have that covered, Gerald."
"Fine. If you're sure, lad." He went to check in and go through security. Xander was behind him so he watched how he handled it.
Xander smiled at the check-in clerk. "Hi. Xander Harris, Priscilla Harris, and Thane Harris."
"Yes, sir, I see three adjoining seats. Does he have a regulation carseat?"
"He does but he'll be mostly in my lap so Pris can spread out a bit."
"That's happened before." She got them checked in. "I'll need to see your passports?" He handed them and an envelope over. "This is?"
"A letter allowing him to fly from the US embassy. We just found him a week ago and got custody. This is the second time I've had to come to England to rescue one of my kids. The same people made my daughter for me."
"Oh, dear." She glanced it over. That is the proper paperwork so she noted all that and handed it over with the tickets. "Here, show them at security then at Customs."
"I can do that. Thank you, ma'am."
"Thanks," Priscilla said with a grin and a wave. She walked off with her father, taking his hand again. She stared at the watcher guy. "He's really good at flying and I learned from him."
"You clearly did." They went to get through security then to customs before the gate.
Xander handed over the paperwork first. "I just got custody of my son. That's US embassy paperwork for him. That's our passports inside the envelope."
The customs person read it over then called her supervisor, who came out. "Sir?"
"We've seen a few of those thanks to adoption."
"No, someone made my son and I found out so I had to come claim him with agents helping," Xander said with a grin. "The judge's statement that I was noted as his biological father is in there as well." He looked it over. "You're a lot nicer than the one where I had to rescue Priscilla. He threw a massive fit that someone was making me kids."
The supervisor looked at him. "This job can drive you a bit nuts. I do see everything's in order." He handed them back after stamping the two passports. "Thank you, sir."
"Thanks," Priscilla said with a grin and a wave. "Dad, was my passport nearly filled?" she asked as they walked off. "It looked like it."
"You've got a page left so we'll have to get you a new one. The embassy here started the new paperwork for you when I showed them yours because it's nearly expired. They didn't want to keep us here if they didn't have to."
"That sucks. I like England."
"We can come back other times to visit and for work."
"Good point." She hummed as they checked in at the gate. Then she settled down to read for a bit. Xander got her to the potty before they boarded and got her some snacks from the nearby shops. It was easier than watching her fuss at the limited selection on the plane. His little girl didn't like peanuts.
Gerald the watcher was shaking his head at all that. Though he had never traveled with children, he wasn't sure that Harris wasn't spoiling them already.
Giles glared at Xander as he and the kids walked in. "You're a what now, boy?" he demanded.
"Great-grandfather was a debauching shithead," he said dryly. "Who had four daughters outside of marriage. Then one son with marriage who died after producing a son who wrapped his car around a telephone pole. Apparently the drinking gene on her side came from him."
"How long have you known that?"
"Few months. After the cousin had the accident they went looking and found my mom then me when they looked at her name in the Cali systems. There's one female cousin from one of the other debauching incidents but she's sixties and has no kids. I'm the only male outside Thane here."
Giles blinked a few times. "You seriously named him Thane?"
"Yes. With his daddy's help. I pulled him up to the astral plane to talk to him."
"Oh, I see." He looked at the boy. "He looks...scrunched."
"He's asleep. He likes to curl up." He shrugged. "It happens to kids. You said the same thing about Prissy too."
"I did," he said, moving closer. Thane woke up when he touched him on the head, yawning at him. "You're adorable. Sort of."
Xander grinned. "I was an adorable baby. I should've done commercials." He stepped back. "Fair warning, the report on that ...facility will make you reach for the rotgut scotch."
"I've gotten one from the agents."
Xander handed over his. Which nicely had a border done by Pris getting bored on the plane.
Giles read it over then growled. "Oh, they did what?"
"Linked to the security system. Keep going." He and Pris stepped back another step.
He kept reading and then glared. "They did what?" he demanded.
"Yeah. The son was in the second nursery, which was going to be sacrificed for power. The one that had been trapped by all that I got free of the portal is a daughter for a well known Scottish politician. A female one. She was not pleased. I heard her yelling up the street." Giles nodded, looking at the paperwork again. "Keep going though. There's a few names."
Giles did that and then groaned again. "All right. They're gone when I grab them."
"The UK would like to arrest them. That's probably why Gerald followed me home."
"He is over the archival team raiding the old building," he said, rubbing his forehead. "The agents?"
"I saw one in the airport."
"Yes, we'll hand them over if they want." He stared at the yawning baby. "He's very quiet."
"He's saving up to yell back at the girls."
"Probably a good idea. Do you want to stay in your suite?"
"Fine." He walked off. "Ladies, Xander's back with the baby!" The girls squealed and came to see him.
"This is Thane. He's okay," Priscilla told them with a smile. "Bit fussy but he's still little. He'll grow out of that and gross diapers."
Xander grinned at her. "You did." He pulled the baby from the carrier to let them see him. "This is Thane Iolus Harris."
"Like from that show?" one girl asked.
Xander grinned and nodded. "Yup. His other daddy was worried it'd mean he'd be a sidekick but I think he'll do fine."
The girls cooed over him, making the baby yell at them for waking him up. They smiled and patted him, going to spread the news of that. Xander and Priscilla took him up to their suite to put him down for the night. The crib had been put back together so that was decent of Andrew. He grabbed Andrew when he came up. "This is Thane."
"You decided against Thanos?" he joked, looking at the new guy of the Council. "He's sweet seeming."
"He is. So far. No colic yet."
"That's good." He smiled. "We'll make him a geek, Xander."
"Thanks. We need to work on Pris's geek skills too."
"We can do that. Comic books are a good start. We both did." He punched him on the arm. "Rosenburg's with the Coven."
"I'm sure they're happy. We found that group making the kids were making some for sacrifices." He pointed at the baby. "One had a living portal on her chest."
"Damn." He nodded. "I'll help protect him from the girls." He went back to his room to think about how he didn't have a scion to follow him. No little clone, no little son, no one to taint into being the overlord he should have been. Maybe he'd ease Thane that way? He seemed like he'd be good at it so far. He had probably inherited Xander's more fun evil skills too so that'd help him become an overlord some day.
Andrew looked at Xander the next morning. "What if we turn him into the future president?"
Xander grinned. "He'll be following Bragus' plans, 'Drew. He's got magic." Andrew moaned. "I asked the high priest of Heimdall in London, since she's a seer too, to see if he had any gifts. He's got some magic. She said Pris might inherit my visions but he's got magic and nothing much else."
"Interesting. So we'll turn him into the Knight Protector."
Xander nodded. "Probably by accident. I still don't want the kids to follow me. Pris threatened Gerald with becoming the future head of the Council if he wasn't nicer to them. Said she'd take over for Uncle Ripper."
"Welllllll...." He considered it. "Huh. Why does she call him Uncle Ripper?"
"That was his teenage rebellion name. I think Buffy taught her to."
"That may be." He nodded, looking at the sleepy little guy. "Is all that sleeping normal?"
"Yeah. Babies grow when they sleep."
"Ah. No wonder!" He nodded, grabbing him the stuff to make a bottle for later. "Is he going to mini training time with you?"
"Yeah, he's got a carseat already." He finished the bottle, putting it in his pocket for now. "Let's go make the minis do stuff, kiddo. Someday you'll get to do stretches with the mini slayers too. That'll be cool because you won't have diapers anymore then." Andrew was snickering about that.
Priscilla bounded onto the playground. "I'm back!" She hugged her few friends. "And I have a baby brother!" She showed off the picture her father had let her print.
"Did your daddy adopt?" one girl asked.
"No, there was people making him and other kids. We had to go rescue him with some agents Dad knows." She shrugged. "I hung out with the slayers a few times and went to see artwork and stuff. And a ballet once. Dad insisted."
A teacher walked over. "Dear, it's not nice to lie."
Pris stared at her. "I'm the daughter of Xander Harris. That's how he got me too."
"So he adopted from those people?" the teacher asked with a smile.
"No. They were making him a son. Thane's other daddy is some bad guy I never met but Daddy said he's pretty and uptight. I don't know why though. My mom's a former warlord that the same people decided should be my mom."
The teacher blinked. "What?"
She shrugged. "They wanted more watchers."
"Why would they do that then?"
"My dad's the guy who trained the girls in Africa. Now he's over the minis who're under the age of eight. They're probably cooing over my baby brother today too."
"I...did not know that about your father."
"Most people recognize him by name." She grinned. "But it was an okay trip to England this time. We saw some museums, some other stuff in the park, a ballet, and Dad had to do some paperwork things in some offices." She shrugged. "That happens a lot though." She grinned. "Lucifer, I have a baby brother!" She ran over to show him the picture. "His name's Thane."
"That's a cool name." He looked. "He's pretty!"
"He is and he drools. And someday he'll quit having diapers."
"We all did." He walked her back there. "What did you do?"
"We went to some museums. We saw a play in the park. Dad took us to a ballet because he said I needed to know what it was. It had pretty costumes and I think it was about a fairy tale but no real idea." She grinned. "I helped one of the older slayers replay Myst on her computer."
"That's sweet." He nodded. "Were you any good?"
"No but I don't get to game very often yet. Dad said when I was older I could do that." He nodded at that. "Even the coven and the agents thought Thane was cute."
"He looks like it." The bell rang and they ran inside to their classroom.
Priscilla handed over some papers from her backpack. "From the museums and stuff we did in London. Like Dad promised I'd do." She sat down and tucked the picture into her desk. "Thank you for answering what page we were doing in the workbooks so I could make sure I caught up."
"Did you do it yesterday?" she asked.
"On the plane. It takes *forever*." She grinned. "We got *two* meals on the plane plus snacks. It was most of the day. Plus the layover to change planes in New York."
"How is your adopted brother?"
"He's not adopted. They wanted to make new watchers so however babies come to be was done. He's Dad's and some guy he said pretty but a bit uptight."
The teacher blinked. "They can't do that, dear."
"I asked and he showed me the science channel show on how they did that. Should I ask him what it was for you?"
She glared. "There's no reason to be mean."
"I'm not trying to. I don't remember what it was called. It had a microscope and little plates and stuff." She shrugged. "They were trying to make others too but they failed somehow."
The teacher blinked. "So it's your biological brother?"
"Yeah. Well, I guess a half-brother. My mom's a former warlord the same people wanted to use as a future watcher." She stared at her. "I asked and that's what Dad said."
"So some lab in England is making kids."
"It was on the news this morning," another girl said with a grin for her. "I saw it while eating cereal."
The teacher gave her an odd look. "Okay then." She got into the assignments. "I see you included pictures as proof."
"Only the pretty ones. After a while you see too much and it all goes wobbly in your head. I did that so I wouldn't forget those ones."
"That makes sense," she decided. She put them aside and took the night's homework, including all of Priscilla's backed up work to grade. The kids got ten minutes to finish anything if they wanted to while she graded. She frowned. "Priscilla, who is helping you with math work?"
"Uncle Andrew. He's got a bachelor's in physics and computer programming so a minor in math, whatever that means."
"Oh." She sighed. "That's not how you work those problems."
She looked at her. "He wrote out a few to show me when I got lost."
She looked and nodded. "He did." And did it the formal way.
"He also said that the middle school girls were doing the same work."
She looked up. "They are?"
"He said so. He's the one who checks all the homework."
"Your father doesn't check yours?"
"Dad didn't go to college. He learned stuff by handling it. When Uncle Rupert suggested he take some classes Dad said that they don't teach you how to raid a base of militia people to grab their weapons for the invasion coming up."
The teacher blinked a few times. "Oh, I see." She nodded. "Does anyone else check homework?"
"English papers get checked by a few of the watchers in the library. They have higher degrees. One's a doctor so I guess that means he had to write papers sometimes. I have no idea how that happens and Dad hasn't cursed me to get one myself yet. He's said he was going to but he hasn't. I think it'd suck to be any sort of doctor. A whole lot of complaining people from what I've seen in the ER when I had to go."
"Academic doctors get different sorts and don't have to see patients," the teacher said. She sighed. "We'll go over that some other time. For now, you're missing a page in the English workbook?"
"No. It's not in there." She showed her the workbook. "I was missing that page. I guess it fell out when Auntie Buffy was having a fit and threw my books one night." She shrugged. "If there's a copy I can do that."
"It's the same thing you've already done. I'll allow that to pass." She went back to grading, getting up to put up the spelling list for the week.
"What's a pawpaw besides a fruit?" Lucifer asked. The teacher looked at him oddly. "My mother sells fruit stuff and cooking shows. It's an Asian fruit. You usually group them by type of words and there's no other fruits."
The teacher looked that up on her phone. "I see it is. In this case it's another word for grandfather." Lucifer and Pris shared a look then shook their heads. If she said so. "Don't you two have grandparents?"
"Don't know," Pris admitted. "Dad's parents died when Sunnydale fell into a hole. Mom's parents I have no idea about. I'll probably never run into them."
"I have a set of grandparents, one from each side," Lucifer said.
"What do you call yours?"
"Grandmother and Grandfather or maybe Grandma, she likes it."
"Oh. Well, that's a regional word for grandparents that kids use in this region." A few of the other kids were shaking their heads. "Let's just go with it, kids." They all nodded at that.
Pris raised her hand. "What's that long word?"
"Abercrombie. It's the name of a clothing brand."
"Oh. No wonder I didn't recognize it." She nodded, writing it down a few times. A girl glared at her. "Dad hates clothing with names," she told her. She went back to taking down the words to study.
"Use them in a single sentence like usual," the teacher said patiently. "Hand those in tomorrow." The kids nodded, making that note on their homework calendars. She got into their spelling lessons for the week to teach them about the words so they could pass the test on Friday. She even showed them an older Abercrombie ad. A few of the girls wrote down notes about that too. It made her happy to expose the girls to such things.
Andrew got to talk to that principal that night when he was picking up Priscilla. "Did Pris have a problem today? Her dad's handling a peace negotiation for an upcoming higher level demon wedding in town."
"The teacher was concerned about how you're teaching her math, Mr. Wells."
"I think it's the right way. That's the way the middle school girls are doing it."
"She claims that's the old way."
"Math has no such fluctuations. It's math. It deals with objects and quantifiable things like numbers. Also, why is she doing middle school math work and first grade spelling?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Those formulas are middle school work. Not first or second grade."
"Yes. And yet her spelling lists have been full of stupid little words the kids should mostly have. This week it has pawpaw and mawmaw in it. Plus a name brand clothing name."
"I have no idea."
"You're the principal. Shouldn't you know about this beforehand?"
"I should," she said firmly.
"So ask the other first grade teacher if that's normal?"
"I suppose," she sighed. "Also, we'd like to keep the other children more innocent than knowing that labs make children against their parents' will?"
"That is how she got a baby brother. It's normal to brag about the new sibling I'm told. Did she say something bad?"
"Most children don't come from labs."
"It's not like she told them how babies came to be. In this case, Thane came to be in a lab thanks to idiots who wanted to make future watchers and sacrificial victims."
The principal shuddered. "Still, we'd like the other children to not be exposed to that. Even though one noted she saw it on the news this morning."
"Yeah, it was on the BBC-A news this morning. It'll probably be on CNN this afternoon."
"Oh." She grimaced. "I see. Why do you watch the BBC anything?"
"We all decided it was more fair and untilted toward US news. Not UK news but US news it was less tilted."
"I see." She nodded once. "That's very odd."
"Three-quarters of the adults in the Council are Brits. You're lucky she's not still spelling Brit."
"Oh." She nodded with a sigh. "That's reasonable then. Just have a talk with her about not telling the other children so much information?"
"I can tell Xander that so he can talk to her."
"You're not together?"
"No. I'm the housemother. I cook, run errands, do backup parent things that Xander doesn't for the girls, nag about homework, and sometimes have to pick them up from school." He grinned. "I grew up with Xander. We were in the same classes and I got sucked into the Council before Sunnydale fell in. I'm on the allowed list."
"Fine. Please talk to him about that."
"Sure." He left, going to gather the other few slayers from the upper years. "Car, ladies," he called when he found them looking around. "My van's here." They ran for it. "Make sure we have Pris." She leaned out a window to wave. "Good girl. Thanks." He grinned at the staring parents. "I'm the Council's housemother. It was my turn to pick them up." That got a few nods. He grinned at Lucifer, who was grinning at him.
"Are you her friend Lucifer? She thought about writing you emails while she was gone but her father didn't let her have the phone." The boy grinned and nodded, finding his mother and pouncing her. Andrew got in to drive them back to the center. "Pris, she said you're creeping out the kids by telling them about agents."
"Yeah, I think it's fine. She's a bit weird. So is your teacher."
"Very." She sighed. "I have to write a sentence about Abercrombie for spelling."
"We can look them up. I'm sure they're different now than they used to be."
"Good. She showed us a few ads from them but they looked like Auntie Buffy's pictures from high school."
"Yeah, they weren't that great then if you weren't a skinny pole." He got them back home and inside. He went to talk to Giles about that teacher and the principal backing her up. Then he came to check homework. Pris had taken his recipe tablet to look up Abercrombie. "Oh, they're more inclusive now."
"Huh. That's cool enough I guess." She wrote her sentence based on that article. And cited it properly when he showed her how. One of the research people showed her a different way. Priscilla looked up at him. "Does that matter in first grade?"
"No, not unless you're expected to write papers to a certain method." He patted her on the head. "Rupert said your teacher was giving you weird homework?" She showed him all of them. He blinked. "That's high school level math."
"The girls in eight grade are doing that," Andrew said. "I pointed that out." He accepted the note from her backpack. "Why do you have a fashion show day?"
"I don't know. Can I skip?"
"I don't know," he admitted. "That's very weird. None of your clothes would fit that."
"I know! Unless I get the stuff they took from my closet back? The stuff Auntie Buffy bought me?"
"No. Those may have been fashionable but they were short and nasty." He grimaced, looking at the older man.
"None of the schools I attended would've dared to do that. If we were wearing off the rack we got sneered at. Ours were tailored to us." He handed that note back. "You can ask for a clarification."
"Yeah, I can. What do the poor kids do?"
"No idea, lad." He went back over her homework. "That makes no sense. Is she trying to make it so you don't read?"
"I like to read," Priscilla said. "But Daddy said I can't have the book he was reading this time because it was going over his head, much less mine. He said Dune was for bigger readers."
"Yes it is," Andrew said with a nod. "Because even I got confused by that book." He sighed. "What're you reading?"
"The third book in the Pern series." She showed him. "And the second in Xanth."
"That's a great series to read for your age range." Andrew looked at the older man. "Should we tell Xander to protest the teacher?"
"Yes. Quite. I doubt Priscilla will ever be a trophy spouse."
"With her daddy inheriting an estate, she'd probably have her own," Andrew quipped.
The man blinked. "He did what now?"
"One of the former spouses left him an estate."
"Oh." He nodded. "Well, at least he doesn't have to worry about a title."
"Is that like the Lordship paperwork stuff?" The older watcher stared at her. "I know Dad had some he had to hand in. He was reading to Thane so he'd nap."
"Harris!" he bellowed. "I know you're back!"
"I'm putting the son down," drifted down the stairs. "Be right there." He came in a minute later. "Did you have big problems today?"
"The principal wanted me to talk to her about leaving the other kids innocent of bad things like agents," Andrew said. "And I corrected the idea that I was evil enough to be one of yours."
"No, you never quite made it to that level of evil in Sunnydale, Drew." He blinked at the other watcher. "What?"
"Lordship?" he demanded.
"My great-grandfather liked to diddle the local girls. He was one. He and all his died. It's me and one female cousin."
The man blinked a few times. "Which one?"
"I have no clue! I just had to do paperwork where they found my mom." He shrugged. "I like the estate Joey left me more. It's got a nice house and no castle to have to fix up."
"Usually we all live at manor houses or in part of the castle and let the locals do things with the rest, boy."
"Oh, okay." He nodded. "If I end up with one I'll deal with that." He shrugged, looking over his daughter's head at the spelling list. "Huh. Name brand clothing people. Stupid words for littler kids. She did it again?"
"Yup," Andrew agreed. "But at least Abercrombie is now inclusive and doesn't just fit Cordelia sized girls."
"That's sweet of them." He blinked a few times. His daughter held up the note. "Like fucking hell, daughter." She shrugged. "Your teacher needs to have a word with reality. That day you can wear all black for the death of reason." He sighed, looking at the older watcher. "Are Andrew and I wrong about how bad that teacher is?"
"No, lad, you're not. Though I'm still not amused you have a title."
"I had a Sir in front of my name already."
"Hubert's brother-in-law was humping the Tower of London when he was high."
"Oh." He sighed, but nodded. "I suppose that's a pertinent protection of the Kingdom." He walked off. "Yes, do complain about that teacher again."
"Thanks." Xander looked at Andrew, who grinned at him. "Any other things today?"
"The principal wanted her to leave the other kids innocent of ideas about agents and that stuff."
"That's fine." He patted Pris on the head. "Tell Lucifer to wear black that day too. You can both mourn the death of reality and reason." He went to get the baby monitor from his training area and carried it back to help her with her homework. "Homework time, my minis," he called. The girls groaned but did get to it so Andrew could check it before dinner.
Priscilla faced off with her teacher the next day, handing back that note with the 'denied, she is not participating' on it. "My dad said that's tacky and insulting to half the kids who can't afford clothes with pointless names and that lacks practical benefit. The older watchers I asked about it said that if it's not custom made to you it's tacky off-the-rack stuff for lower class people wanting to be upper class.
"Duke Reggie in the library sneered that I even had to ask but said Dad makes sure I wear practical things instead of anything else. Dad said that day I'm to wear black clothes to mourn the death of reality and reason." She sat down. "He also asked about the kids who can't buy that stuff."
The teacher glared. "Your father and I are having a word, young lady."
"I think he's home today." She shrugged. "Thane has a baby doctor appointment later so I doubt he's doing more than running training for the pre-school group."
Lucifer looked at her. "There's baby slayers?"
"Yeah." She sighed. "When Auntie Willow activated the line it activated everyone who was conceived. So for now we have baby slayers. They do yoga-like stuff to stretch mostly." She nodded a bit. "I liked doing that with them and someday Thane will too I guess."
Lucifer thought about it. "I didn't think about that. Are they like full slayers?"
"Yeah." She grinned. "Super grip and all. One of them kept grabbing my hair because she's about eight months younger than me. She nearly pulled out a good handful of my hair a few times. She's the reason I got a broken hand too. She got scared at a disney movie and squeezed so hard she broke my finger and a knuckle got dislocated."
"Wow. I didn't even think about that."
"This year started off having future slayers again. They'll get it at puberty or so Dad said."
"Huh." He nodded. "That's pretty cool." He punched her on the arm. "I'll tell Mom about wearing black that day." She grinned back.
"It was meant to let some of the children show off their full wardrobes," the teacher huffed.
Priscilla looked at her. "I tried that and you saw Dad nagging me about that unpractical trash. And got a note sent home about it." She back to straightening out her desk. She moved her hands when the teacher slammed it. "I was straightening out the mess of my pencils." She opened it and went back to it. "Class bell hasn't rang yet." She stomped off.
Priscilla used the phone she had lifted off Uncle Rupert to text her dad's phone. He pointed out she should not steal her uncle's phone, he'd be there in a bit to get it from her, and if he had to talk to that teacher so be it. She put the phone into her backpack after turning it off. The class bell rang and she grinned at Lucifer. "I lifted Uncle Rupert's phone this morning. He was looking very peeved at it."
"I'm sure he gets weird phone calls like my mom does."
"I hope it was that." She did turn on the phone to send out a text message saying she had Rupert's phone in case something happened. Then she turned it back off and put it back into her backpack.
Lucifer grinned at that.
Xander looked at the principal when he strolled into the school. She was out of her office. "So we meet again over that dumbass you have teaching my daughter." The woman flinched. He stared at her. "Really. You can call her in to defend herself if you want. If my daughter had to steal a phone to warn me about the stupid this time, that's a problem she's having and you've done nothing to work against it."
"I have no idea...."
"Are you presently suffering from something that robs you of your memories?" He looked at the nurse sticking her head out of her office. "Is she?"
"If she's my patient I can't comment but I do not think so. Is Priscilla all right?"
"She had to steal Rupert's phone to warn me of the stupid going on. Are you a parent?"
"Yes, I am, Mr. Harris."
"Can you please be a voice of reason in this? Do you have the time?"
"I do and I can get that teacher."
"Please. And my daughter's notes. She was taught to make notes about all this stuff by Willow."
"I can do that." She went to get that teacher for the huffy principal. She nodded at the security officer. "He's not being mean."
"No, I have no intention of even raising my voice against anyone but that teacher, Security Officer Jacob. But I want you there as well as a witness that I did not. Because she'll try to use my combat history against me."
"Yeah, I can do that, just in case." He saw which teacher. "Oh, her. Yes, we've had many parents complaining about her."
Xander smiled at the man coming in, the Council's lawyer. He took the notebook from the child and read it over while they went to the office. He snorted at one thing and looked up, showing Xander. "I told her to wear black that day to mourn the loss of reality and reason."
"Good idea." He went back over the notes again then smiled at the principal. "There have been some serious issues with this teacher, ma'am. I'm sure you're aware of some of them."
"She's been made aware of all of them," Xander offered. "We've had a number of talks about this lady's stunts. Let's start with the spelling lists." He handed it to the nurse. "Is that reasonable?"
"First grade children often need to learn how to read when they come in so I would assume some are. I have no idea why regional relative words are on there or a name brand clothier?" She looked up at the teacher.
"All of us came in knowing how to read but one kid and we helped her catch up. We're all reading the second grade level story books," Priscilla told her. "That's all the classroom has. I'm fairly certain most of us knew what grapes and apples were and how to write them when we came in. Is that not normal?" she asked the nurse.
"No, it is," she said. "Many lists use simpler words to build from if the children don't already know how to read. If you all know that then you should be using bigger words. Do you have your workbooks?" She handed the stack from her backpack over. Xander held out a hand and she handed over that phone. He turned it on to check it then texted one note to Buffy before turning it off. The nurse sighed. "These are kindergarten level workbooks, Principal Hall." She let her see them.
"We find them really boring," Priscilla said. "And Dad has to really hunt to find copies."
"They should be given by the school," Xander said. "Or so I thought."
"They should," the lawyer agreed. The nurse nodded at that.
"I flunked a section because Amazon was late getting the books to us," Pris said. "I had to bring in the shipping confirmation of when they'd be in. Twice."
"That was my first talk with her," Xander admitted. "The ones who ordered directly from the publisher got theirs sooner but it was an extra forty-five bucks. I don't really want to support that publisher since they also publish neo-nazi propaganda books but I had no choice so ordered through the lesser evil of amazon."
"We supply all books," the principal said.
"Then you owe the parents in her class about one-fifty per student for both sets of books she wanted us to get them," Xander said.
"I...we order for them."
"I do not have the funds to pay for that," the teacher complained.
"We order them through the school board!"
"No one informed me of that for the last few years. This has been how I've always done it. I've been here for the last five years."
Xander looked at her. "You've been using higher level math and lesser level vocab for five years? Did those kids get the sneering over not wearing designer clothes?"
"It was meant to be inclusive."
"It's not. Over half the class can't afford that tacky shit you encouraged them to wear. And my daughter is not allowed to wear any of it even though we can afford it. My daughter isn't a tacky whore or a future trophy wife. Her clothing rules state no skin showing from her knees to her collarbone."
"Which means in the summer I have to wear boys' shorts but that's fine," Priscilla said. "Girls' shorts are really tiny."
"I've seen that," the nurse agreed. "What's wrong with your hand, dear?" She let her see it. "Did you bang it?"
"Yes." She pouted. "This morning on my way out I nearly closed it in the door." Xander nodded to back that up. "Where's my baby brother?"
"Calming your Uncle Rupert down."
"Oh. That's nice of him." She looked at the teacher. "There's a ton of things. Including sneering that I'm not a dumb kid like some of the girls. You're giving it to Lucifer too."
"Andrew's noted the math lessons have been middle school level but she does them wrong," Xander said. "But her spelling lists have been miniature words that she's well beyond. If they're doing minor formulas, that's not first grade work. Them learning it wrong isn't doing them any good either." The teacher huffed again.
"Not to mention the science lessons have been very wrong." He handed that workbook over. "She went against the book and had them cross out whole pages she taught them differently about." The principal looked through it, grimacing. He handed it to the nurse, looking at her as she went through it.
"No, that's fourth grade and that's wrong how she did that." She frowned at the teacher. "That's incredibly wrong. And you know that." She went back to it. "Perhaps the whole class should get to skip second grade."
"They can't pass the english tests," the principal and Xander said together.
"She took hers and scored top three percent in english. I looked at the results on the school board's site and none of the kids outside the few in the top three percent got above a sixty."
The principal sighed but nodded. "They talked to her about how to fix that. She said she'd give better word lists." Xander handed this week's over. "What is that?"
"This week's spelling list," Pris said. She shrugged. "I wondered about the cheezy clothing company name. Lucifer said that pawpaw is a fruit from Asia."
"It's the papaya that's not. They kinda look the same and taste the same but they're totally different to science," Xander told her. "You've had them. You hated it like you did papaya and pineapples."
"Oh, that stuff. Yeah, not my thing. I like cherries." She leaned on her dad's arm. "We've been trying."
"This is the same teacher that complained I was too rough on Pris for wanting her to have good grades," Xander said. "And all the other problems I've brought to you." The lawyer handed over the notebook. The principal read it over and huffed. "That's my feeling too. This is the third talk about this teacher in a *month*, Principal Hall. And I wasn't here for half of it."
"Oh, dear." She looked at her. "We do need to fix some things."
"If she was over my child I'd be screaming at her," the nurse said.
Xander grinned. "I scare people when I get loud so I try not to."
"I can see why, Mr. Harris. How is the new baby your daughter bragged about?"
"Thane's really cute and cuddly and hates his Aunt Buffy thankfully." He grinned. "He fusses up everything when Buffy and Willow come near him but does adore Andrew and Uncle Rupert. He even likes the one watcher in the library we all hate for being a douchebag but the son likes him for some reason." He shrugged.
The lawyer coughed. "It is most amusing to that one as well, Xander."
Xander grinned at him. "Just think, you'll never have a standard custody argument to make because none of the rest of us have kids."
The lawyer stared at him. "I'm going to suggest Rupert give a reward for the other watchers to breed."
Priscilla smiled up at him. "Like I told Watcher Gerald, someday I could take over for Uncle Ripper and head the council." She grinned. "Thane can be our training guy like Dad is."
"Yes, we're all scared of that, Priscilla." Xander cracked up. "Rupert and the others really must have children soon." He cleared his throat, looking at the principal.
"Someday I'm going to be the ghost of the Council, taking out any abusive future ones," Xander quipped. "I can float around, mentor the girls into not dressing like Buffy, and shoot the ones who're abusive."
"I look forward to that day," the lawyer agreed with a smile for him. "That day I'll get to retire because we'll never recover."
"You say the sweetest things." Xander smirked back and blew a kiss. "Any idea on her mom's people? I haven't heard anything and I know someone had you looking."
"She has a mother so Priscilla has a grandmother, but she's a hateful woman who hates the slayers."
"Aww. She'd really love that someone made Pris between me and her daughter then."
"She disowned her daughter the day she wanted to join the school's rifle club."
"I've taught Pris how to use a crossbow, but she's not real accurate."
The lawyer nodded. "Good of you." He looked at the principal again, who was not amused. "Yes, meetings around the Council often do go this way."
Pris nodded. "It means no one falls asleep at all the stuffiness."
Xander nodded. "Too true, daughter of mine." He looked down. "We may have to go talk to the Fae society."
"Dad, they want me to wear froofy dresses and have manners."
"They want me to dress froofy and have manners too but it can take a long time."
"I'd hate to be like that napping guy in the story."
"Yeah, I'd hate to be Rip too. So maybe we'll talk Gerald into doing it. He has tact."
"Send Reginald," the lawyer said.
"We like him," Priscilla said. "He's not that uptight and bad. If we send Gerald, he'll get to be uptight with people who enjoy being uptight."
"Point," he admitted. Then sighed again. Xander hugged her. "She is clearly your daughter, Harris."
"Yes, she is my contribution to the world." He grinned.
Priscilla looked at the teacher. "If you had made me wear stuff that carried a label you'd be condemning me to camping. Which I know you hated."
"Girls shouldn't do that."
"Girl scouts do that," Xander said dryly.
She shuddered. "They're all lesbians."
"If she likes girls some day, I'm fine with that. As long as they're good to her I'm fine with most anyone outside a vampire. Maybe not most hell lords. She might take over on them."
Pris rolled her eyes with a loud, deep sigh. "Dad! That would mean I'd have to do paperwork and you've always said everyone wants to rule the world but no one wants to do the paperwork."
The lawyer had to cough a few times to cover up the laughing he was doing. "That's very true," he said, trying not to giggle again. "Even Rupert hates paperwork."
"That's why he makes me do most of it and Willow does the rest," Xander quipped. "There's days I think I already rule the world with the amount of paperwork I do."
His daughter hugged him. "I'd hate it if you became president, Dad. The guards look uptight."
"They are." He petted over her hair. "I've met ours a few times. They're never amused. Besides, that should be Andrew's job. He wanted to be the evil overlord type. Or maybe Thane's future job."
She looked up at him. "He'd hate that. I doubt he'll want to wear Watcher suits."
"No, probably not." He cuddled her. "So what can we do about this continuous problem this teacher keeps giving my daughter and others? I'm sure I'm not the only parent that's complained, even if I am the only dad."
"No, I've gotten many about her. Today your students will have a study hall under watch. We'll go over your teaching plans and all your future special events." The teacher huffed and left the school. "Oh, dear. We need to replace her."
"I know a few turtles who could fill in," Xander offered.
"Dad, that's a cartoon," Pris told him.
He looked down at her. "Not ninja turtles, I mean regular ones."
"Oh. Okay. That may be kind of cool."
"We can get a substitute teacher for tomorrow," the principal assured them. "They can test the students on what they've learned and move them on from there." Xander nodded, walking off with his little girl. He delivered her back to class and let her go with her backpack. Security Officer Jacob came in to watch over the class until the principal could get someone. He had kids at home. He could handle a few hours of first graders.
Xander got to go back to playing with the minis and his son for now. The lawyer went to make notes and make a report for Rupert. He really was amused at Priscilla's mouthiness and ideas. Though Rupert agreed that Xander did enough paperwork to actually be in charge of things but it should really be Andrew's job to rule everything. He did so want it.
Xander walked his daughter into her fist day with the substitute. "Behave," he reminded her. "Make me proud. Don't start anything." She nodded. "Good girl." He hugged her. "I'll be negotiating all day." He smiled at the sub. "Hey." He gave her a nudge. "It's fine."
"I could go play."
"There's only five minutes." He walked off. "Let me know later if you have homework."
"Yes, Dad." She looked at the teacher, shrugging. "He's super fussy about homework." She walked into the room and put her stuff away then looked up to grin at the others coming in. "Dad was running late doing the clothing checks for the bigger slayers." A few grinned at that. She hugged Lucifer. "How was your night? We had movies and stuff."
"I had my grandmother over for a bit to talk to Mom about stuff." He shrugged, settling in his seat to put things away. "She was not happy with something Mom had decided." He grimaced. "I read instead."
"I started to do that but Andrew handed me a comic book. Then said Dad had agreed I could learn comics finally."
Lucifer sighed. "I'm jealous!" She let him have it. "Oh, a good one." He read it until the substitute got things started. Then it went into his desk with a grin for her. She grinned back.
"Students, I'm Miss Lorraine Lavona." They all said hi. She smiled. "Thank you, kids. I'm going to be substituting for at least a few days while your teacher's out for whatever happened." She looked around.
"She stomped out when someone asked her a question," one of the other girls said.
"I have her notes so we can keep on schedule and I have the note from the principal that wants to know how big your spelling list is because she thinks you're too smart for the tiny words you've been getting. We'll do that after lunch." They all nodded. "For now, let's look at math." They pulled out their math homework. She looked at the first one and stared. "Why are you doing that?"
"She said so?" the kid said with a shrug. "My mom was confused too."
"So am I." She took up the rest of the sheets. She blinked at one then at the kid next to her. "Why did you title it with an unfortunate call to a name?"
"That's my name, Miss Lavona."
"I don't believe so."
"Yeah, his name is Lucifer. His mom said she named him because a demon helped her out of a bad incident while she was pregnant," Pris said. The teacher stared at her oddly. She stared back. "She did."
"She did," Lucifer agreed with a grin. "I think it's pretty cool."
"That depends on your religion of choice," another girl quipped. "My dad's Hindu and he just giggled."
"I see." She went to grade those. "I have no idea why you children are doing this level of math."
"Neither did we," Pris quipped. "We complained too." She looked at that one girl. "Is your Dad okay? The news said that your dad had an accident."
"He's okay. Bruised really a lot but okay." She smiled.
"Good! Hospitals are icky if he has to stay at one. Jell-o is evil." The girl nodded with a grin. Someone leaned in. "Hi, Officer Jacob," she said, getting it echoed by the other kids.
"Kids." He smiled at them. Then at the teacher. "The principal has asked for a quick meeting at lunch, ma'am. The school board is coming in to look at those tests."
"I was going to do that this afternoon, once they had warmed up."
"I'll let her know and tell you if she says to do it sooner." He went to tell the principal that and came back. "She did say to please give it this morning."
"All right." She nodded, handing out the test. She looked at Lucifer. "Just put L and your last name please, dear. That way no one else has to remark on your name." She handed one to Priscilla. She spotted something. "What is that?" she asked with a point.
She looked then at her. "My security key into the slayer house. My dad trains the minis slayers under eight." She grinned. "I need the security key to run inside sometimes." She got into the test. The teacher looked horrified but went back to the desk.
The Principal looked at the parents gathered with the school board members. "The students are doing a lot bigger words than we expected," she said. "Even the one that started out a bit behind the others has a fairly good vocabulary. They're doing some third grade spelling words. The school board was highly amused. Not at their math lessons, but at the words. We may be skipping them into third grade as a class. They're trying to decide that while talking to the second grade teachers about what they're still missing."
Priscilla raised her hand from her dad's lap. "Does that mean we don't have to do more really hard math right now?"
"Yes. We're going to move you back to second grade appropriate math. We noticed a few simpler math errors at the addition and subtraction level so we'll help you work on that." She nodded. "English lessons will be more reading for right now until appropriate spelling lists are decided on." The other parents nodded at that, smiling at their kids. "There's also the matter of the upcoming free day for the month. The original teacher had wanted a brand name fashion day. We have decided that is really unfair to some families that can't afford that."
"Or won't," Xander said.
"Or won't," she agreed with a nod to him. "Instead we'll have a day to learn about..." She looked around. "Mr. Haramaya, could you run a lesson on your peoples?"
"India is very diverse as a culture but I can give a good overview and teach the children some things," he agreed with a smile and a nod. "Would that offend anyone?"
"Nope," Pris said. "We're pretty cool about most peoples, Abby's dad."
"That's good, Priscilla, though I expect you've seen many other types of peoples."
She nodded. "And demon communities." She grinned.
"That's wonderful," he agreed. "We can do that. Should I introduce children to the food? There are some spices and I do not know about allergies."
One parent looked at him. "Mine has a milk allergy."
"Coconut milk is all right?"
"Yes, that'd be fine." She smiled and nodded. "I'll send her with rolaids. She eats some Thai food and burps a lot."
"Me too," Pris agreed with a nod. Her dad patted her on the back. "I'll bring my own that day."
Xander grinned. "That's fine." He grinned. "She's fine with most anything but that waxy textured vegetable."
"I was thinking a good curry with rice and perhaps simple vegetables."
"That'd be fine," most of the parents agreed with nods.
"Then we'll go with that," the principal said. "For tonight and tomorrow there's no homework. We'll get them the new workbooks in a few days, and we are ordering them as she should have. We'll keep you all informed with notes home about future homework schedules and any decisions about their skills."
"We keep a homework calendar," one girl said, pulling hers out to show her.
"Oh, that's handy." She smiled. "I'll update that when we know how we're doing that." She handed it back. "I'd expect it to probably be Friday or Monday before we have a clear cut path." The parents all nodded. "Thank you for having patience with us and bringing this to our attention so strenuously. We've compared them against the other class of first grade and they're doing the usual work. So we'll try to keep them somewhat at grade level if we can. I'll send home detailed notes about all that when we have them." The parents nodded and left together.
Xander nudged Lucifer. "If you share her comic books that's fine. I know she's not keeping it for worth the way Andrew does." He winked. "And I always have great comics." The boy grinned at his mother. "We're letting my daughter finally turn into a geek."
"That's a good thing for her to be since you are," Lucifer's mom agreed.
"Can you two stay?" the principal asked.
"Sure," Xander agreed with a nod. He looked at his daughter, who shrugged. They stayed while the others left. "What happened this time?"
"The teacher today is a good woman but a bit...religious. The only other substitute I have available at this age range is even more religious. Miss Lavona has asked that Lucifer only use his first initial."
"She washed down the desks with holy water during lunch," Pris said dryly. "She got a bit horrified when she noted my security key for the slayer house and I told her what it was too."
"Yes, she's very...she doesn't like to think such things exist. I do not believe it will cause the children problems but if it does I want to know immediately so I can address it. She may be the teacher for next year permanently."
"There's two baby slayers in kindergarten," Xander said.
"I'm aware, Mr. Harris. They'll be going to Miss Daphne anyway. She's trained the other ones." He nodded he realized that. "I would change those two but they'd be miles ahead of the other students. Even in second grade at the moment. They're both very high on the vocabulary lists. Both ranked above ninety percentile on it.
"Which is technically third grade level with those words." Lucifer's mom gave him a hug for that. "So if she does have problems let me know. I'll talk to her about any biases she may have tonight but try to stay calm unless it's very harmful to you, children." They nodded. "Thank you."
"As long as the kids are treated fairly and well," Xander said. "Though Rupert does want her to go to a boarding school in England when she's older."
She frowned at him. "I'd hate that."
"Me too. I'm a bit clingy to you." He gave her a cuddle. "C'mon, let's go save Thane from the witches babysitting today." She moaned but got up and ran for the car. He grinned at Lucifer's mom. "The witches are all grandmotherly sorts who are cranky." He strolled after her. "I'll let her bring a few more comics in the morning, Lucifer."
"Okay, thanks, Mr. Harris." He grinned at his mom. "They're really cool."
"They are." She took him to their car to go home. Her husband would be amused at all this.
Xander walked in and heard his son yelling so went to find him. "Hey, Thane." His son howled so he picked him up. "What's up? The witches trying to get you possessed? If they want it that much I'll share my hyena with you, sweetie." He walked off. "Ladies, we're going to be talking," he chirped, smirking at them. They all shrank away from him. "Giles, what are they trying to do to my son?" He was in the doorway so they couldn't escape or break anything.
He came in to look and glared at the witches, who shrank away from him. "They're trying to use him to commune with an ancient spirit."
"My son's not as open to that as I am," Xander chirped with a smirk for them. "Quit trying to harm the son before I have to claim your kids as my own." They nodded and shrank back away from him even more. "Thanks!" He went to the kitchen with the baby, who was huffing.
"I know, but they're witches and almost all witches are warped," he told his son. "Your Aunt Willow is the worst yet but she's probably warped them too. We'll protect you from them, Thane." He grinned. "You're getting more personality every day, son. I'm happy you're growing into such a big boy."
Giles took him to check. "He's not possessed. He's very closed off for that." Xander grinned at him for that. "Though I think he's a bit squishy."
"Yeah, he is." He took him to change then to the kitchen.
Priscilla looked over from her snack, waving her pretzel stick with nutella at him. "Hey, Thane!" she said loudly. He huffed again. "Aww, did the witches give you a headache? They do it to me too sometimes. Especially their herbs." Giles went to ask them about that. A few ran for their lives instead of answering.
Xander looked that way. "If I have to come back in there about that, we're having words, ladies. Like I would with Willow." The rest fled the house to go back to their coven house. He looked at Andrew, who charmed both kids for protection from magic. "Thanks."
"She shared her comic with Lucifer." He grinned.
"That's sweet, Pris! It's a great geek queen thing to do!" He gave her a hug. "We'll get you a few more to share." He went back to making dinner. Upstairs the girls were fighting loudly. With some screaming. He took Thane so Xander could go break it up. "Finish up before a slayer steals it, Pris." She nodded, finishing her snack and letting her baby brother suck some of the nutella off her finger. Upstairs, screaming got louder, then one girl screamed like she was hurt, then there was running.
"Giles, we need an ambulance," Xander yelled. "Bailey's possessed and stabbed Mina in the side!"
"I'm calling," Andrew yelled back. Giles went up to help while the other watchers locked the girls down but waited for the ambulance. They ran up to help with the infirmary staff. They were set up to handle healing, not immediate emergencies. Giles went with her to the ER so that was nice. Xander settled in the kitchen again after washing his hands off.
Priscilla looked at him. "Will Mina be okay?"
"Probably. I don't think it hit anything important. I'm worried about getting whatever out of Bailey." He got a drink. "But I can't help with that or it'll crawl in me."
Andrew nodded. "They can handle it. You only get to step in if they can't."
"I know." He hugged the kids. A few of the other girls came in to get their own hugs. "That's fine. Who's trying with Bailey?"
"He'd hurt her." He went up to stop that. "Guys. Are we saving her?" They got out of the way. He took the exorcism book, finding his usual one. Then he cast it at her, making her whine and hold her head but it flew out. The magic-able watchers captured it to find out what it was and where it had come from. Xander looked at Bailey. "When?"
"I don't know." She was starting to cry. "Is it still Wednesday? I had a date."
"It's Monday." She whined and went to find her phone. Xander stopped her. "Gwen, call her boyfriend?"
"We have," she called. She leaned in. "It had to be one of the bitches at the high school, Xander." She came in to hug Bailey. "It'll be okay. Mina's only minorly injured. We'll handle it. Your boyfriend agreed something was weird and he's not mad. I tried to get one of the witches to fix it this weekend when we noticed it was getting worse," she told the watchers.
"I just found them trying to get Thane possessed," Xander said dryly. "We need better witches." The others nodded. "There's covens in the US. I'm going to call one."
"Rupert said not to. They may not like the slayers," one said.
"We'll see. Let me look them up. One of you make sure Bailey's clear." He looked at Callais. Who rolled his eyes but nodded. Xander went down to look up covens on Andrew's tablet for cooking while the girls fussed at Thane and Pris in the kitchen. "Make sure no one else is affected," he told Faith when she stomped in.
"Already did all but these." She tested the others in there and sighed in relief. "Bailey's fine?"
"Clear as far as I know. We need better witches. They knew for a few days."
She nodded. "Yeah, we need better witches." Thane yawned. "You tired, little guy?"
"Kids grow when they nap," Xander said dryly. He looked at her. "He's good at it too." She laughed but patted him on the foot before going to talk to the other senior girls. They had to figure that out and stop it.
Xander strolled into the high school the next day, wearing Thane in a chest carrier. He grinned at the principal when he ran into him. "We have to talk."
The man stared at him. "Mr. Harris."
"We really have to talk. Somehow Bailey got possessed while here last week. She thought it was Wednesday." The principal winced. "We've cleared it, after the rest of us realized and she had stabbed Mina in the side. By the way, she's off today and tomorrow." He handed over the note. "Do you know which coven of teenage girls you have?"
"I believe we have two."
"Okay. The girls are on the watch out for others who may have been hit by them. Because they're teenage girls and teenage girls are bitches."
"If so, can we call your people?"
"We drove the Devon coven off again. They were trying to get my son possessed yesterday and didn't depossess Bailey when noted she was taken over by one of the other girls. Who all got a *long* lecture for not telling the rest of us." He grinned. "We've talked to a coven in DC. They're all around that area and the sub-towns around it."
He handed over a number. "She said you could contact her if something like this happened. It wasn't the first time she had seen teenage girls with the Craft going jealous bitch. She had teenage girls herself. She's up to check all the girls today so they're all out today."
"That's fine. I can find that reasonable." Thane huffed. He smiled. "He's adorable."
"Thane is my son and all the slayers tell him that. He's going to get a swelled head." He grinned. "But he's mostly a good boy. They got upset and cuddled him all of last night. Even changed diapers."
"Wow. Mine never would. I'll let her know if we find more of that problem."
"Thanks." He grinned. "And if you find the jealous bitches, have some fun and be creative. Suspension probably won't do anything. I like cleaning the park with the hellmouth. Weeding around the tentacles is very instructive to the slayers." He winked as he walked off. "C'mon, Thane. Let's get food we don't have to share with greedy slayers." His son howled but was happy enough to suck on his finger instead. "Yeah, we like that idea. Nummies for both of us it is."
The principal went to talk to a few of his teachers who'd be more aware of that. They could gladly find any other possessed girls to tell that coven about. That whole coven got to do some practice depossessing them. Though one was found to be sick, not possessed. Her mother got her to an ER that night.
Rupert looked at the senior witch from the new coven Xander had found. "Thank you for the assistance, ma'am."
She smiled. "It's fine, Mr. Giles. Many covens think the Devon coven has lost their path. We'd be happy to fill in for things like this and other healing things when needed."
"I'll gladly accept that. Did you check Thane? The coven was trying to have him possessed."
"He's completely not open. Though he's a charming little boy who sucked up to us all."
"He's learned that from the slayers sucking up to him I'm afraid."
"All children should be so happy."
He nodded. "True. Did you see any needs we can help your coven with?"
"Oh, no. We're fairly well protected for all that. Thank you though." She shook his hand and took the girls back to their meeting home so they could rest.
Giles went to talk to his people. "They said we're all clear, we can call them back for later issues or healing things," he reported.
"That's good to know," Callais said. "They seemed pleasant."
"They said many covens think the Devon coven has lost their pathway."
"They were trying to get my son possessed," Xander said dryly. "Ya think?"
"Point," he agreed. "That was not responsible of them." He looked around. "We should probably start to liaison with other covens. Younger ones that could help us with our duties and who are closer."
"We need to find out why no male related to the Devon coven has ever had magic," Xander said. "That's weird, right?" he asked, looking at Gerald. Who nodded.
"Most of them become watchers, Harris."
"No. Miss Maisy's son isn't. The other day she was complaining she has nine grandsons and three granddaughters. All the girls have magic but not the sons?"
He considered that. "That is rather odd. Magic isn't limited to females. A few of us have the skills."
"Most of the coven's people who come in to train as watchers fail it for being too soft," another, older, one said. "I have no idea what they go on to do instead."
"Did Miss Maisy ever have sons?" Xander asked. "She was complaining about having so few females in the family."
They considered it. "She had four sons," one said. "She's my cousin. So where are they?"
"Yeah, that's what I'm worried about," Xander said. "If they're hurting the boys, we need to stop that. And stop talking to them."
"Point," Gerald agreed. "I think we should look into that."
"Yes, please do," Giles said. "Is Thane all right?"
"The witches said he was fine, Pris was fine, and so was little Daisy Mae. Who had been possessed."
"She's not in the high school," Giles said, taking off his glasses. "Or in any school."
"No, she's not," another said. "What was she possessed with?" Xander handed down the notes the witches had given him. "Is that something in the dangerous materials vault?"
"Yes," Xander said, looking at him. "Something I gathered and stuck in there. Someone used Daisy to grab it from the vault and it got her possessed. I checked, it's back in there but it's mute. I let the coven put that demon back into that orb after charging it with hellmouth energy."
"That's charming." He considered it and the notes. "Who got into the vault?"
Xander looked at someone else. "That's your job."
"None of the girls are allowed near there unless they're escorted. I have not seen any of the tiny slayers at all. I've seen Priscilla."
"Dona's still talking to her," Xander agreed. "They have tea every few weeks."
He looked confused. "I've only seen her the once." He looked at his people, who shook their heads. "The book," he demanded. It was handed over. He looked at the entries. "I signed some people in who I don't remember seeing, Rupert."
Giles came to look and nodded. "That's magically updated."
"It is," he agreed, looking up. "I had myself checked. I was not possessed."
"Clouding, Hubert. It's not a hard spell."
"I'm going to do an inventory tonight."
"The necklace I threw in there is in Willow's things," Xander said. "I've seen her wearing it but I thought she might be instructing Willow in how to be an ethical witch as she's a former Goddess of Magic."
"Like hell!" another said.
Xander looked at him. "The ruby heart? She's got it. I'm the one who put that in there. It had a goddess of magic in it when I did that."
They looked at the inventory. "I do not have that listed." Xander stood up to look and pointed. "That's not a necklace."
"It was when I put it in there." He sat back down, checking on Thane then looking at him. "Also, the one below it, isn't that a vase?"
He looked and moaned. "We have to redo the inventory," he said. "Tonight."
"Want a few girls to help?" Xander asked. "Just in case?"
"I can take Faith," one said. "She can take notes and will scare most of them. Half of them would come out to flirt with Buffy."
"That's fine," Giles said, going back to his seat. "This is most odd and I'd like to know when it started."
"We have older inventory lists we can check against," one of the junior ones said quietly.
"Please and let me know." He looked at Xander. "Any other artifacts you've noticed out of the vault?"
"The one in your office?" he guessed. "The tea set?"
"It's not possessed. Someone was floating it," Giles said.
"Yo, tea set," he called. It floated in and poured Giles a hot cup of tea when it had been empty as it came in. Xander grinned but Giles tested it before drinking and nodding. "The one in your office on that stand keeps shifting itself so it looks better in the light. I think that's what's moved some of your chairs around too."
"An interior decorating artifact?" one snorted.
"Well, it's got a hell lord in it," Xander said dryly. He petted the pot, making it happy and sit on the table. "Thank you, dear. Giles needed tea." It steamed and settled in to be appreciated. Xander grinned.
Giles went to look at that statue and brought it back. The tea pot hissed at it so he put it farther away from it. "All right. We'll make sure you two don't mingle. It was shifting my desk set around." The artifact team took it to go over. "I think we also need to check the protections."
"Yes, today," Gerald said. "We can go over that in a bit, Rupert." He looked at Xander.
"I don't have magic. I have hellmouth taint." He grinned. "The son has magic though." They all groaned. "Pris is headblind. The one that checked the kids said she may someday have my visions but otherwise she's clear."
"What witch checked them?"
"I asked the poker circuit in London to refer me to one." He grinned. "She's an old Swamp Granny sort of witch. Long bloodline, don't put up with shit from men."
"Ah, one of those. All right," Rupert agreed. "Thank you for noting that. Will his magic be penned up?"
"That's up to him as he grows into it."
"Agreed. It's sensible to do that." He looked at the others. "We apparently have a hidden mess." They nodded, going to clean it up.
Xander did a bedcheck for them then put Thane down in his crib and got the baby monitor so he could do some paperwork. He heard it when someone walked into the kids' room so snuck up there and knocked that person out then threw him down the main staircase. Xander grinned at the guy when he blinked at him.
"You were visiting my kids?" Giles came to see who it was and got them arrested and officers showing up. Xander went to check on the kids then came back down to grin at the officers. "He decided to visit my kids in their room."
The officers nodded, gathering him to put him under formal arrest and then ask him what he had thought he was doing.
Xander grinned at Giles. "Did we recognize him?"
"Not at all."
"We'll find out then." He went back to the office. "Doing the paperwork."
"Thank you, Xander." He went back to checking the protections. They had to restart the intent wards too apparently.
Xander was outside Cleveland a few days later, meeting with a hidden member of the Council. He settled on the park bench, putting the baby between them. "Thane, this is your Auntie Dawn. We don't talk about her for her own safety."
She cooed, picking up the baby to cuddle. "Hey, Thane." He stared at her then decided she was okay so drooled. "That's cute, baby boy." She cuddled him. "How's Pris?"
"Her substitute teacher is freaked out by the Council." He grinned. "Her little friend Lucifer is pretty cool. That same sub's freaked out by his name."
"Poor kid." She kissed the baby on the head, making him coo happy noises. "You're a good boy. His other parent?"
"The same agents made him."
"Ah." She nodded. "So really not surprising." He showed her a picture from a news story, making her moan. "Okay, if he shows up some day I'll know that if I have custody of them after you die."
"Willow thought she did and threw an awesome fit when she demanded I update the will to include him and let her sign the paperwork agreeing she'd take him too." Dawn rolled her eyes. "Giles had to use a werewolf tranq from the office door on her."
"He's got magic."
"I can tell. It's as cuddly as he is." She shifted to sit more comfortably and cuddle him some more. "How's my sister?"
"Nagging. A lot. I forbid her from taking Pris shopping after she spent over eight grand I didn't have in the account to give Pris impractical, name brand stuff that she's not allowed to wear to school." Dawn winced at that. "Yeah. So very happy with her. She's not even allowed to tell Pris a bedtime story." He grinned. "And we had to update the spells. The coven removed them all when we made them flee for trying to get him possessed." She looked confused.
"We had teenage girls being teenage girls in the high school getting Bailey. Who stabbed Mina in the side. We had the witches trying to harm him and fled from me going after them. Then they checked things. They had some of the girls get into the vault so they could get artifacts. They had the intent wards canceled. They had to rebuild all the protections." She winced. "So it's been a *great* week."
"Damn." She looked down then at Xander. "They're going to scream when they find out some things."
"Oh, the estate and great-grandfather both came out recently with the knighting. We had to fight the school board over their shit." He grinned. "Giles was not amused!" She snickered. "He said you could call."
"I could but last time Buffy tried to answer."
"We all hate that she nagged you that way, Dawn. But at least you did find a safe college. You could've joined me in Africa."
"No thanks. I don't think I'm that adventurous." He nodded he got that. "How's Faith?"
"Needing a vacay away from the minis. The tiny ones have been hanging on her because they all need new clothes. She had to stop the hoochie shit thanks to Buffy. She went through everyone's clothes and pulled out all the hoochie crap. Including Pris's wardrobe." Dawn grinned. "But she could use a vacay."
"No, not a working one, a real one. Like a beach somewhere that no one knows who she is."
"That could probably help a few of the older girls. Send her to a Sandal's or something so she gets laid too?"
"Yeah, I can do that." He took his son back, earning a tired sounding noise. "Wanna go back in the carrier?" He put him back into the carseat, looking at her. "Need to hide at the house in England over spring break?"
"I think I'm going to be over there for a bit for my masters actually." She grinned, getting up and kissing him on the forehead. "You can ask my opinion on decorating. I doubt whoever had good taste like I do." She strolled off.
Xander grinned at his son. "She's a neat auntie. You'll get to be raised by her if I fall." He got up, going to the car. He stared then shook his head. He checked by turning off the alarm then back on. And it exploded. "Huh." He nodded, looking at the officers running his way.
"At least that's a rental. I'd hate to see how big the explosion would've been if it had been my truck." He waved at an officer. "That was my rental." He handed over his keys. "Thankfully I have my phone and wallet." Dawn came jogging back. "Car bomb. I felt funny so undid and redid the alarm, which set it off."
"Great. Who's on your list?"
"I don't actually know." He let her have the baby while he looked at his phone. He sent a few texts and got no answer back. "Interesting." He texted someone else, who complained but agreed. "Oh, it's Pris's mother's people." He sent out that notice to them and then called in a debt to take them out. He warned a few people.
He grinned at the officer. "Someone I met when I was on Council duty in Africa." They just nodded. "There's probably going to be an agent soon, guys. Thankfully that's a rental car." He put his phone back and took his son back. He grinned at Dawn, who walked off shaking her head. "Have fun. Break someone if you want to."
"Probably." She shot him a wink and a smirk. "I find it fun." She strolled off. An officer tried to stop her. "I'm a simple college student and the one who takes the kids if he falls," she said quietly. "I was meeting my future son. I have no idea about his ex's." They let her go.
Xander pulled out his phone to dial. "It was the rental car, not me," he reported when Giles answered. "I'm fine, he's fine. Dawn's fine. It was Pris's mom's people. Pity about them." He hung up and put the phone back with a grin. An agent was stomping over. "Hey. It was Pris's mom's people," he called with a wave.
"Harris." He stared at him. "You sure?"
"I asked. Then I asked a debt to go make sure and fix it."
"Okay. Not the truck?"
"Rental. I came to introduce him to the one who's going to inherit him."
"That's reasonable." He looked around, spotting Dawn's back, and decided he didn't see her. He looked at Xander, who grinned at that. "Her?"
"Fine. You guys good?"
"It felt weird so I undid the alarm then redid it. It exploded."
He nodded. "All right. Let us handle it?"
"Maybe." He grinned. "We want to inherit. I have to be able to afford two prep schools in the future. His dad would insist."
"Who is his dad?" Xander showed him that same picture, making the agent's eyes go wide. "How?"
"Same lab assholes who made Pris." He grinned. "They had a lot of kids. The agents over there were not amused."
That agent winced but nodded. "I'll let them know that Pris's mother's militia is causing problems."
"Thanks. Tell them we're okay in case someone's spreading rumors."
"I can do that too. Go home?"
"Yeah, somehow. There's a train." He walked off with the agent following him to make sure he got to the train back to Cleveland.
This was going to be a huge mess! Xander never did anything simple.
Xander stood in front of the video conferencing system, cuddling the fussy son. "Sorry, he's a bit whiny today." He looked at the people staring back. "Pris's mother's people decided to be mad that she had an heir. They're all very sorry now. I had a debt go talk to them. Pris needs to inherit things, people."
One of the UK agents who had helped him nodded. "It's good you're all right."
"He was meeting his future mom if I fall."
"Even better," the UK agent said with a grin. "Are they down?"
"Pretty sure, yeah. They should be. If not, I can go make sure of it. Her brother's an idiot. He couldn't even figure out that sometimes payment doesn't come from money."
The agents in the conference sighed but nodded, making notes and looking that one up. "Angleman," one said.
"Yeah, that one." He grinned. "Pris would like some pictures if they have some and someday Giles wants her to go to prep school with him. Which I can do but it'd be nice to have a cushion."
"The UK does not want to know about how you got weapons."
"The UK gave me permission to get the slayers things," Xander quipped, putting his copied version of letter in front of the camera for them to see. The UK agents moaned. Xander grinned. "I could stop but then I'd have to move over full time and take up one of the two estates."
"True," he said. "Which would worry us all."
"Did Dad have that tested?"
"Yes. You were right about which one it was and he's been told." Xander grinned. "So your stepfather is off the hook. Your actual father is really mad."
"Awwww." Xander grinned. "That's sweet of him."
"It's someone you flirted with."
"Of course it was." He nodded. "And that's when I realized so backed away from him."
That agent nodded. "Great."
The US agent looked at the camera. "His father?"
"Someone wanted to test a new street drug so gathered a woman from a pub, some young agents, and released it on them. There were three options for Dad, but Mom ran because whoever had exposed them made her flee. She told me they threatened her to not speak of it. Then she found out she was pregnant when she got to the US and married the shitbag she ran into in a club." The US agent moaned, shaking his head with a sigh. He grinned. "Mom's from a grandfather who liked to debauch."
"Yes, they did agree that it was your title, Harris," the UK agent said dryly. "So you're Lord Xander now."
"Does that go overtop of the knighthood?"
"It's instead of."
"Okay, I'll learn that stuff sometimes. Then the kids can come over with me to go to prep schools. That way they have better careers before Pris decides she does actually want to be the head of the council someday." Both agents nodded at that. "Do I have to do anything about that group? Or anything else I should say."
The UK agent shook his head. "We'll check into it and if there's anything left we'll hand it over."
"Both your groups need to do that with the other ex's stuff."
"Shit," the US agent muttered. "Do we have files?" Xander grinned and sent them over. He read them over with a moan. "I'll see what we can do, Harris. You should benefit for being given away." He hung up.
The UK agent shook his head. "It's a lot of drama."
"I live in a house with ten teenage girls and sixteen in middle school. I live with drama daily."
The agent smiled. "I assume you do. I'll tell your dad you said hi." He hung up and went to do that and make other notes. His people were amused in that bad way about that desire to inherit but did agree any pictures should go to the kid. They still hated Xander.
The the agent in the US sent over the marriage files when he asked. They had half of them. What they now had made a few people have heartburn. Yes, Xander handling that would mean he'd be quiet for a bit unless there was a battle. Or someone hurt the kids.
Which made them wonder why the Devon coven was locked in their houses and almost shielded from view. No one could find any of them. Which made sense if they were scared of Harris retaliating against them for trying the kids, as rumors said they had tried. Xander was not friendly to those who tried his kids. They had proof of that but didn't want to see how bad anything else he had hidden was.
Priscilla walked up to one of her dad's former contacts. "I'm sorry but you seem to have my brother hostage," she said. "Do you want to stop doing that or should I make you?"
The guy laughed. "Your dad would've said the same thing."
"Yes, and then he taught me how to be a real Harris." She blew up the doorway with the guy in it. "There, that's better." She walked in and handed her brother a dagger on her way past him. He used it to get free, then helped his sister whammy the group. They looted and went back to the house, where their dad was still laid up in a bed. He was partially paralyzed and really mad at his body because they had taken Thane. He wanted to go blow them up himself.
Thane leaned into his bedroom. "I'm okay, Dad. They wanted to see if I was as fun as you used to be. They were very upset I have taste that doesn't lean toward arms dealers." He grinned. "But Pris stole a grenade."
"I gave her three, she can put up the extra. You good?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. They had me tied up and nagged me that I didn't flirt." He rolled his eyes. "I did learn taste from the teachers." He walked off. "He said to put the extra grenades back, Pris."
"Of course I did. I don't want them to accidentally blow up my bedroom!" She heard her dad snort but it sounded happier. She went in to hug him and then went to her room to clean up. She came out to go down to scrounge dinner. Thane was a pretty good cook of sandwich stuff. She could microwave with the best of them. Their dad would eat anything, he had proven that a few times.
Pris went to answer the door someone had knocked on then slammed it in their face. "Dad's still in bed. We're not taking worshipers. Or job offers. Dad demanded college," she said patiently as she walked off. "If you're here to flirt with dad, that's fine. Sneak up there." The agent went up to talk to their dad about what had happened.
"Daughter, how did you blow up a guy from their version of the senate?" he called.
"He was in the doorway, Dad."
"Oh. I thought they were arms dealers."
"I have no idea but they were shitty at flirting," Thane called up the stairs. "So damn pathetic at it."
The agent came down to look at him. "They're part of a radical group inside the government."
"That proved why they sucked then," Thane said dryly. "The professors made sure I had taste and tact. I don't go for dirty things the same way Dad does."
"Good! It means less work for me and your grandfather." He went back up to talk to Xander, who rolled his eyes.
Priscilla went to answer the door, staring at the man standing there. "Huh. Thane, it's probably your dad. Or someone who looks a lot like you."
Thane came out, staring at the other man. "Well, we finally meet."
"I was rather incarcerated," he said dryly, coming in and closing the door. "Are you all right?"
"Pris rescued me and blew some up. There's an agent talking to Dad about their dirty little group of morons with wants. Including wanting me." His father smiled. "We...I'm feeling weirdly mushy."
"As am I. I haven't seen you since the night he pulled me onto the astral plane to name you."
"That's kind of weird." His father smirked but nodded. "We're making dinner. Want a sandwich?"
"I can eat with you two. That way your sister can be overprotective. She's said to be a bear about your protection."
"Yeah, sometimes," she admitted but grinned. "Not like I expect you to pounce him."
"No, I have no interest in that." He followed them to the kitchen. He could talk to his son, get to know him, and then he'd talk with Xander about all this. They had to come to an agreement about their mutual son's life and future. Though Xander was making happy noises so he could wait until the agent was exhausted.
Pris looked up the stairs. "If you make Dad pregnant, we're going to make sure you can't leave him with the baby," she yelled. "You and Thane's dad both can stay and become family." She looked at him then smiled. "Can't you?"
"I do have my own household."
"Suck it up, Stepdad." She smiled sweetly. "Before we have to take out the next ones who want us ourselves. They do tend to be nasty little cretins." She strolled off.
Thane shook his head with a sigh. "She's so fussy sometimes."
"I think that's the purpose of a sister." The boy looked at him. He smiled. "It probably is."
"Probably." He made himself another sandwich and handed one to Pris to take up to their dad. She left it out of sight of the agent guy but knew her father had realized she had dropped something off. Not all agents were Special agents. That one was but special in a different way with them.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters or plot are the property of the author. No claims are being made as to the actions or orientation of the actual actors, and none of this is meant to say anything about them. No copyright infringement is intended. No money is being made from this work.