A Princess of the Disney Lineage. by Voracity2
Summary: Basically, I used a random word generator and my big table of prompts from other prompt tables to pick out ten words from each type. Then I used them in a story. Today, it's the story of Xander and his daughter Belle. Yes, Mom and Grandma had a Disney thing going.
Categories: Buffy Stories & Crossovers > Avengers Characters: None
Series: Childhood Series
Chapters: 3 Completed: Yes Word count: 52126 Read: 42755 Published: 07/22/2013 Updated: 07/22/2013

1. Part1 by Voracity2

2. Part 2 by Voracity2

3. part 3 by Voracity2

Part1 by Voracity2
A Princess of the Disney Lineage.

Xander looked at the judge. "Your Honor, I think my former friends have decidedly lost their minds," he said.

The judge grimaced a bit but nodded. "Especially as we're told that they don't operate like they used to. What is your job within the Council, Mr. Harris?"

He smiled. "I'm the one they send out to train the slayers staying at home."

"Then why do they think they should have custody of your daughter?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "Apparently I'm good enough to train all of them but my own daughter who's one. Which is why I think they lost their minds. Though, I thought this might happen, which is why I was hiding the fact that she has the slayer mole from them. Because sometimes they think I'm an idiot savant who hangs around to fetch donuts."

The judge stifled a smile. "I had a few friends like that. I dumped them."

"I'm going to be moving somewhere exotic in a few hours," he said with a grin back. "Because I'm at my point of 'I'll be damned' and thankfully you don't allow weapons in here."

The judge nodded. "I've seen that sentiment before." She looked at the lawyer for the Council and Buffy Summers. "Why do you think he can train all the other slayers and not his daughter?"

"It's harder to train one of your own family," Buffy said. "You end up going easy on them."

Xander looked over at her. "Is that why I trained your sister when you thought she'd be cute, helpless, and kidnaped every other week?" He rolled his eye. "You can't even manage to train the girls in residence. Giles had to hire a few people for that while you *mentor*." Buffy glared at him. He stared back. He looked at the judge again. "I'll move planes before I let her have my daughter to ruin by turning into a miniature version of herself."

"That's a bit drastic," the judge said.

"I'd also like an order of protection so Willow Renee Rosenburg cannot do magic on myself, my daughter, or any other future children I may have."

"I can grant that because it would probably cause harm," she agreed. "I saw that expose on her," she said when Buffy opened her mouth. "How did your daughter come to be, Mr. Harris?"

"Her mother went to a sperm bank. She had been told that having Belle was her last chance at having a child. They had found a rather large cyst that didn't look cancerous at the time, though they were going to do a hysterectomy anyway. She went to a sperm bank, chose mine, and got pregnant. It turns out her cyst was cancerous. She turned over custody of Belle to me when she went into heavy chemo right after the birth."

"No significant other?"

"No. Her mother and sister were alive at that time. Her sister died in a car wreck about a week before Ariel died. Her mother had died shortly after Belle was born."

"Disney theme?" the judge asked with a slight smile.

"Grandma's mother liked it when it first came out. She was named Aurora after the princess in Sleeping Beauty and kept up the trend. Ariel told me I was going to be a daddy when she was about six months along. Right after they told her that it was cancerous after all. I was there through the last part of her pregnancy and for the birth. I left an apocalypse battle early to come back for the birth." The judge nodded, making that note.

"You did?" Buffy asked.

"Yes," he said patiently. "I yelled that at you. You were busy complaining about demon goo under your nails." He looked at the judge again. "We talked after she was calmer and I kept Belle for her while she did her first few treatments. Her grandmother had a heart attack about a week after Belle was born. I helped arrange for the funeral with Ariel's sister. She made Ariel make plans for Belle just in case."

"The deaths, were they caused?"

"Not that we could tell. Her sister was hit by a drunk driver on her way home from the hospital after one of Ariel's treatments. I arranged her funeral with her husband. We've talked a few times. He helped me through Ariel's funeral."

"That's good. Are they okay?"

"They're marginally moving on. His mother's moved in to help him. They had a son. His name's Charming." He smiled.

"Strong grandmother," the judge quipped with a smile back. "Is Belle physically healthy?"

"Mostly. She has an allergy to wheat. It's not real strong, she usually gets a few hives if she nibbles on toast instead of the throat closing, might die symptoms. Her doctor thinks she might age out of it."

"So nothing horrible," the judge agreed.

"She's always got the sniffles," Buffy said.

Xander looked at her. "She had a cold. You haven't seen her in three weeks and look, no sniffles. Maybe she's allergic to you or your perfume." He looked at his daughter, who was napping, then at the judge again. The judge smirked at him for that. "It's possible it is a perfume one. I haven't tested it but she does sniffle whenever Buffy comes near her. She screams her head off each time Buffy tries to hold her too. That's how I knew that Buffy was changing her with Willow's help, she was screaming. I walked in and Buffy was staring at the mole. So I kindly finished the diapering job she hadn't, took her upstairs, and suddenly they started to rant that I had to turn her over to the Council's care. Which I'm not doing. Frankly, I've got offers to go other places," he said dryly. "I'll ask a few higher demons for help first. I'd hate for them to treat my daughter like they treated me."

"We...." The Council's lawyer laid a hand on her arm, shaking his head. She grimaced but glared at Xander. "We'll be talking later."

Xander shook his head. "I'm already having someone move my stuff. No we're not." She called home but the lawyer took the phone from her and put it into his briefcase. Xander looked at the judge. "I'm moving next to a distant cousin that I get along well with."

"That's reasonable. You've raised her alone since her mother's death?"

"Yes. Mostly. Now and then I let Dawn babysit. She likes Dawn. Thinks her hair's a great toy."


"Buffy's younger sister."

"Ah." She made note of that. "Is she going to be testifying on either party's behalf?"

"I wouldn't do that to Dawn," Xander said bluntly. "I'm not going to make her pick between me and her sister."

"Fine." She smiled slightly. "Social services records were included on your behalf?"

"Due to me taking custody that way, the hospital called on Ariel. Who told the state social worker what had happened. She's done a home check and a follow-up check. She's found nothing that I've seen."

"According to the notes she's more worried about a few of the other slayers."

"They have therapists. Giles and I talked about it when one started down the path to homicidal and crazy. She's got a therapist and two others have another one. The social worker asked me about one other girl we didn't realize was having more problems than adjusting to not being at home. We sat down and talked to her that night. She was from a fairly conservative part of Pakistan and we got her a mentor from the local community that she could talk to about things. She has daughters herself and works at the Council in Records. That's helped her calm down and figure out how she wants to adjust to her duty and her chosen lifestyle."

"Good thinking." She looked at Buffy. "Were you involved in that?"

"I was in LA then. The girls know they can talk to me whenever they need to or want to. Even if I'm not there."

"She didn't want to go to Buffy because Buffy's chosen lifestyle is nothing at all like hers. She didn't think Buffy could understand the conflicts of being a conservative Muslim woman who had a chosen destiny."

"No, probably not. The modesty rules would probably be a problem."

"I talked to her about that when she started to go on her training patrols in a fully covering outfit. We had to pull her out of training until we could find her something she could comfortably wear that wouldn't endanger her. It took us about two weeks. I took the ladies shopping a few times. They also took the Hindu slayers because they were wearing saris, which got unfolded or tangled them up a few times. The other three Muslim slayers are all younger and we've talked to their home mosques to get their help with those sort of quandaries if their parents couldn't handle it. Plus to help protect them if something like a family honor battle erupted."

"Sensible. Are they all right?"

"Yeah. I chat with their parents once a week. I call all the parents of the girls I've worked with once a week. Dawn's going to be taking over my job and the training job."

"So you've made plans," she said. Xander nodded. "Good. Also sensible."

"Sometimes it's like I'm the only one that has common sense," Xander said dryly. "I think it's because I'm one of the few guys around the Council."

"You are not. Giles is there," Buffy reminded him with a huff.

The judge looked at her. "That's two gentlemen out of how many females?" She piped down again. "Do you have any proof he's an unfit parent, Miss Summers? Or that he can't train a future slayer?"

"The girls have funny names and they're not really interested in talking to us older girls. We think Xander warped them."

"We think Xander gave them a mentor that was slightly older than them," Xander said dryly. "Because you're the same age as a few's mothers." Buffy shuddered. "And they do get pet names, just like Buffy had to be told not to use her real name so no one could track her home."

"Forgot about that," Buffy muttered. "But they're not using the same methods we older girls are."

Xander looked down at her. "They have to learn them as they grow up. Only two of them are old enough to be in training patrols. The other older ones were Council trained and found a home so they didn't want to come to the Center." Buffy nodded at that. Belle fussed so he looked at her. "Morning," he said with a grin. "What's up?" She wiggled so he picked her up to put her into his lap. The judge smiled at her, getting a grin and a wave from the baby. "That's very polite. Thank you, Belle." She grinned at him. "We have to be quiet for now. Then we can play." She sucked her thumb, staring at Buffy.

"I can cuddle," Buffy offered.

Xander snorted. "No you can't."

She glared. "I'm a good auntie."

"Yeah, that's why you're trying to get custody from me for no reason," he said bitterly. "Really good auntie material there, Buffy."

"You're not one of us, Xander. You'll never understand."

"No, I haven't been doing the same job," he said dryly. "Right beside you. Lost people to it. Lost an eye to it. Nearly died a few times working with the girls out in the field," he finished harshly when she opened her mouth. "Usually because you let them out without knowing how to use everything they should know how to use. It kinda sucks having to run a 'this is how you use a sword' lesson in the middle of a battle." Belle cooed so he patted her feet. "I know, you hate it when I yell at her. Sorry. Won't matter much longer. We're going to move up by a cousin. You'll like the cousin. He's kinda uptight so you can make him blush. A lot." She giggled when he tickled her.

"She should probably be changed by now," Buffy said, looking away.

"She's not wet or dirty. You don't change them on a schedule, Buffy. You change them when they need it."


Xander looked at the judge. "He's right," the judge agreed. "It wastes diapers to change them when they don't need it. I have three," she said when Buffy opened her mouth. "Diapers are expensive. How are you going to support yourself up there?"

"Giles said last night I'm going to be the field watcher in the city. I'll have two slayers under me and Dawn will be checking in from time to time. Both the girls are at college right now so I'll only have to have a spare room in case they need it and training areas."

"That's nice of him."

"He agreed, he wasn't sure what she was doing," Xander said. "He's also in London this month." He looked at the lawyer, who nodded that was true. "Does he know she tried this?"

"We did inform him of that filing and he groaned but said that Buffy probably had some sort of point to it, though he wasn't sure what."

"Ah. And now?"

"I'm not sure where all the lines crossing are, Mr. Harris." Xander nodded at that.

The judge shook her head. "I see no reason to remove Belle from her father's custody. I hope Mr. Giles has you on retainer so he doesn't have to pay you by the hour."

"We work for the Council exclusively."

"Ah. Good job." She looked at Xander. "She's staying yours." Xander smiled. Belle squealed and bounced some. "She's not walking?"

Xander laughed. "Yes she does. She keeps trying to help me in the shower. She loves showers. That's how we found out she was walking. She tried to run in and help. I thought she was in her playpen."

"So you underestimated what she could do?" Buffy asked dryly, staring at him.

He stared back. "She was doing it two months earlier than most kids. Her pediatrician was most happy with her."

"That's always a happy time," the judge agreed. "Putting everything up higher."

"I don't let her run around on her own unless I'm there with her as the Center isn't babyproofed. The other little kids are all past that age."

"That makes sense. Do have fun with your cousin," the judge said, banging her gavel.

"Are you coming back?" Buffy asked.

He looked at her, shaking his head. "Nope. Not ever." He walked off after putting Belle back in her stroller. He called the moving people via Dawn. "They good?" He smiled. "Great. Yeah, the wardrobe was a baby present, Dawn. It has to go no matter what Willow says about it having magic. It's to protect her in case the house is attacked." He listened. "Great. No, heading up there now. Thanks, Dawnie. See you in a few days." He hung up and caught a cab to the train station. He didn't want to fly. He hated to fly. No other good way to get to Africa or Asia but he'd had enough of flying for now.

Buffy was standing on the stairs being huffy, looking a bit sad. But he was done with it. The drama, the stress, all of it. He was just...done. He called Giles. "It's me. The judge agreed Buffy had no known point beyond being pouty. I'm already all but moved up there." He listened. "Yup, that's fine. Including the wardrobe, yup. Dawn's watching the movers for me." He smiled at her. "Uncle Giles said hi." She squealed and waved. "She said hi right back, Giles."

He listened. "That's what I'm doing, and there is a protection order against Willow doing *any* magic on me or the baby, or my future kids. I asked. Just in case. Yup, let me know. Tonight probably. We're going by train. Have fun talking to Buffy over her milkshake, Giles." He hung up and relaxed, looking at her. "I don't know," he said quietly. "Your aunts are judgmental bitches. Even Dawn at times. You'll learn better, dear." He patted her hand, letting her grab and keep his finger for now. It made her happy and he was all for his baby girl being happy.


Xander looked up from his place in the park with his daughter. "These are daddy's boots," he said with a point. "These are my jungle boots instead of the sand boots." Belle stared at him, sucking on her thumb, eyes big. "Yes, Daddy has more than one pair of boots. The jungle boots are waterproof and the desert boots have air holes. And now a hole on one heel but still air holes so Daddy doesn't sweat as much as he could. Some day you'll have boots too, and I probably won't even mind if you have cute boots like your Auntie Buffy would want. I know she infected the slayer spirit with the need to be cute."

A male voice laughed. "A hole would be extra air conditioning."

"Someone got me in the heel," Xander said with a grin for him. "I only minded when a snake decided I was good shade. Belle, this is your cousin Don. Who looks like he was sick recently. You should give him a hug to make him feel better."

She looked at this new person and blinked then grinned and held up her arms. "Memo?"

"No, he's not Momma Ralla," Xander said with a grin for her. "You're so silly. Momma Rolla's purple and has orange hair. Plus she's about eight feet high. This is Cousin Don. Can you say hi?"

She grinned and waved. "Hi."

"Hi." He sat down beside her on the blanket. "You're adorable." She patted him, crawling over to cuddle him. "Sure, I can hug. You give great ones, Belle." He looked at Xander. "You okay?"

"Gotten a few huffy text messages. Otherwise we've met the girls up here, who both think Belle's a great excuse to get out of studying. Had to break that attempt already." Don smiled. "They took Belle up to clean out my closets for a donation drive their school is doing even though I cleaned it before I moved us. They did not want to study."

"I had a few of those days." He looked at the baby, who was staring at him. "What?" She slobbered on his chin and smiled. He grinned back. "Thank you, I needed the baby kiss. It's very special." She cuddled in again, smiling and waving at her father. Who grinned and waved back. "Anything else going on?"

"Not at the moment. We're all unpacked. She found her wardrobe hiding spot again. I told the slayers how it's a specifically magiced safe place in case we're attacked. Just in case."

Don nodded. "A good idea. You got sitters and stuff lined up? Not like you can bring her on patrol with you."

"I shouldn't have to patrol too often and I'm looking. Earlier we went to the local immigration point to introduce ourselves. We also talked to a few of the top patriarchs around here. That way they're know we're here in case of problems. They all cooed over her too. One called her a cute, worthy puppy for me." He smiled. "She tried to play with his ear."

"Most kids are good with ears." He looked down. "Are you napping?"

"No, she's using you to get closer to the squirrel she wanted to chase earlier," Xander said with a point at the thing staring at them.

"City squirrels are really aggressive," Don said. He looked down at her. "Squirrels would nibble on your toes. You don't want to chase squirrels, Belle." She held her toes, staring at him. "Yeah, those. Squirrels nibble on those. They're mean that way, that's why we give them stuff to eat, so they don't eat cute baby toes." She grinned at him and put her head back down. "She's really sweet."

"She tries awfully hard." Xander smirked at the demon walking toward them. "What's up?"

"The Red Witch is pouting."

"I'm up here to avoid her magicing me and my daughter. For some reason they decided I couldn't train my own daughter as a slayer even though I train all of theirs."

The demon snorted. "We heard, Knight." She smiled at Belle, who grinned and waved. "She's adorable."

"She tries *awfully* hard." The demon laughed but nodded, patting her on the head before walking in. Xander took her back. "She's like Momma Ralla's sister-in-law. They eat trees," he told her. She grinned at him.

"Having to know all that would drive me nuts," Don said. He pushed his sunglasses back up his nose. "Anything going on we should hear about?"

"Not really. You?"

"Nah, not much. Haven't even heard of a vampire death recently."

"You've had two but on the other end of Manhattan in a club," Xander said. "The girls reported it to me." Don nodded at that. "Are you sure you're okay? You look like you've just had the flu."

"Long night."

Xander nodded. "Do you remember seeing me after my first turn in Africa?" he asked, staring at him.

"Yeah. It did look familiar." Don scratched the back of his neck. "I lost Angel," he said quietly. Xander hugged him. "Thanks, Xander."

"Welcome." He looked at him. "You're more than welcome to come hang out with us. Sometimes the quiet is what drives you the most nuts, even if you think you need it. It did me for months on end. That's why I looked like hell when I showed up."

"I can do that sometimes." He patted the baby on the head, getting her to quit gnawing on his other hand. Xander handed her a cookie to nibble on. That helped. "Just think, you've got the fun years coming," Don taunted with a slightly evil grin. "Dating, boy bands, girl talks."

Xander nodded. "I've had a lot of those already." Don laughed. It sounded a bit rusty but it was good. "I have! I even had to give Willow some of her girl talk. Her mom was packing during it and forgot to tell her about periods and why boys wanted to look at that part of her body. I was getting it from Jesse's mom so I told her when she was wondering what her mother kept changing the subject about."

"You guys were so screwed up," Don said. Xander nodded. "But now you're closer to normal."

"Some days. Some days, not so much."

"Yeah, I guess you'll never really rejoin the land of normal."

"I don't think I've ever visited there," Xander said, considering it. Then he grinned and shook his head. "Nope, never."

"Figures." Don grinned at him, looking over his shoulder. "One of my many angry coworkers is joining us."

"Sure." Xander looked then at his daughter, who was happily staring at the squirrel again. "It's good you've already found a new friend, Belle."

Don shook his head. "I hope it doesn't follow her home."

"That was Snow White," Xander joked with a grin. "Different princess."

"Yeah, sure." Don grinned at his coworker. "It is my day off. Don't scowl at me like that."

"Didn't figure I'd see you here."

"I came to see my cousin, who just moved up here, and his adorable little girl." He pointed. "This is Xander, Danny. He's with the Watchers Council. He trains some of the girls."

"I'm your local liaison," Xander said with a grin and a wave. "This is my daughter Belle. Say hi?" he told her. She grinned and waved. "Very polite, thank you."

The CSI had to smile back. "You're nearly as cute as mine is, Belle." He looked at him. "No Mom?"

"Died right after she was born due to her cancer."

"Sorry to hear that. It sucks being a single parent. It's hard enough with two of us and mine."

"No comment," Don said. Danny glared at him.

Xander grinned. "It's good you have someone to tease you, Don. It means I won't have to pick on you or let the girls give you makeovers."

"Don't you dare," he said with a grin. "The slayers up here are little monsters at times. They've tackled cops and everything."

"They sent in a report about that. Giles told them to quit trying to molest them while saving them." Danny burst out laughing. "They're in college."

Danny nodded. "I can see how that stuff happens. I'm on my way to a scene. Expect Mac or Stella behind me, Don. Nice meeting you, Xander." Xander dug out a card and handed it over. "I can do that. Have a good day with the flowers, Belle." He waved at her and walked off smiling. He ran into the ME at the scene, who scowled at him. "Ran into Flack. He's here talking with his cousin, who is a Watcher, and his cousin's little girl. She's adorable."

"We have an actual watcher?" the ME asked. Danny showed him the card. "The White Knight? They gave him *here* instead of somewhere like Europe? Wow. Did he get demoted?"

"Daughter," Danny said. "Cute little daughter."

"Awww. No wonder. He'd have more options to hide her around here." He nodded. "At least we're mostly peaceful. I'll call him the next time we have a zombie in the morgue."

Danny shook his head. "I don't wanna know, Doc." Mac walked up behind him smiling. Stella was behind him grinning too. "Ran into Flack's cousins?" he asked.

"She's so cute," Stella said. "She tried to capture the squirrel she was staring at and nearly managed it."

"Wow, that's talented," Danny said. "Mine can't do that yet."

"Harris supposedly has a way with the girls," the ME said with a smirk for them. "We expected him to take over a head office on one of the other continents, not move up here."

"His little girl's probably about a year and a half," Danny said.

"Probably a good idea then. Kids that age are cute but not easy to protect."

Stella nodded. "Very." She heard a squeal and looked back. Xander was chasing his very fast daughter, limping slightly. She pointed.

The ME stared. "She's a slayer," he said quietly. "Only they can move like that."

"Belle!" Xander called. "Quit chasing after the damn squirrel! Daddy doesn't need to jog today!" He saw someone paying a bit too much attention. "Belle, freeze," he ordered. She froze and looked around, scowling at the man staring at her. "Thank you." He picked her up and walked her off. "Do not run from Daddy. There's bad things around here and he doesn't want to have to cut off their heads today. Not that he won't but he doesn't want to wash blood out of his clothes." He smiled at her. "Daddy hates doing laundry, you know that. Don't make daddy behead bad people. Okay?" He walked her back to the blanket, where Don was on the phone with someone who was making him scowl. He sat down and put her on the blanket. "Stay." She pouted but took another cookie to nibble on instead. "Thank you."

Don looked over as he hung up. "Willow found me."

"I'm sorry. Did she try to magic you?"

"Not yet."

"The judge gave me a protection order against her and I told Giles that. Buffy heard her say it." He smiled. "If I'm suddenly found as a little kid, there's a note in my desk that gives you custody of both of us. It's in my top desk drawer on top of my journal."

"Good to know. Would she?"

"Yeah. This is Willow we're considering. Yes, she will."

Don just nodded. "She needs beaten if she tries."

"You should've beaten her when she turned me into a baby goat in Africa. Where they eat those," Xander said dryly. "They thought I was a very mean goat and might have been a tasty one if I hadn't knocked the shit out of a few people with knives."

Don winced. "Does she know she did that?"

"Yeah. So does Giles. So did Buffy, because I called up ranting hard about that. Giles tried to get me to calm down and sent her back to Devon." They shared a look. "So if I end up a kid or a goat or whatever, you have custody of us, even if I'm in animal form."

"I can do that," he agreed. He shook his head. "And I'll go stomp on her ass too."

"Thanks. I like you too, Don." He grinned. Belle squealed so he looked at her then at the one who made her squeal. "What?" he demanded. "The judge said you're not to magic us at all, Willow. So why don't you shoo so I don't have to defend my cousin from you?"

"I'm not like that," she said firmly.

"Bullshit. I have the scars from their knives to prove it, woman. Really, you've never given it up. You still like black magic and you still think I'm your personal toy. So ... no. I'm very glad my daughter won't be learning that."

"Buffy should be training her," she sneered.

"And yet, I've trained all the other slayers," Xander said dryly. "Hmm. Kind of a double standard, don't you think, Don?"

"I do." She raised a hand, which started to glow. Don's gun came out of his holster. "NYPD, Rosenburg. Put it away." She stared at him. "I'm faster than you can cast. Put it away." She huffed and disappeared. He put his gun up and looked at Xander, who nodded. "Protections?"

"We both have some on us. I did hers as soon as she was born. I've had mine since the goat incident. A shaman that helped me when I came back put them on me."


"We can go find someone to put on more though. Wanna join us?"

"Sure." They packed up and walked off together. Belle liked the backpack carrier. She got to see a lot more and wave at more people, who mostly ignored her but a few waved back. Don ran into one of the uniforms nearer to his precinct and stopped him. "This is my cousin Xander. He's a Watcher. Just moved up here."

"Pleasure, sir," he said, smiling at the waving baby. He waved back. "You're adorable."

"Her name's Belle," Xander said, shaking his hand and handing out a card. "Right now I'm your local liaison so if you can't find one of the girls call me."

"I can do that, sir. Thanks for letting us know, Flack." He smiled and nodded. They walked off together. The uniform went back to the station to tell his commander and let him copy the card to tack onto their bulletin board of necessary numbers. The others heard and it got passed up to Flack's people too. They were happy that he had someone there to help him straighten out again. And if that adorable baby helped, so much the better.


Xander and Belle were watching tv together that night. Xander was shaking his head because Willow was doing a forced interview with some entertainment reporter she had hostage in Cleveland. You could hear Buffy and others trying to get into the room she had her hostage in. He texted Don to turn to it.

"And what happens if one of his 'dates'," Willow snorted that last word. "Kidnaps him again? I mean, he dates *horrible* people! They kill people sometimes! Or...or I think a few sold guns and stuff and that's just as bad! He's never dated normal people so we're certain that they're going to make Xander and his daughter disappear! Then what? She'll be without her slayer family or any of us who are like family to Xander! No matter what the judge said, she should be here with us. Where she's safer!"

On the screen, the window blew in and someone slid in on a zip line. He stared at the redhead, casually leaning down to cut the ropes around the reporter. "Ma'am, outside. You can use my line. Rosenburg, none of us would ever hurt Belle. We adore the little hellion. We love like hell that he's finally away from *you*. You're an abusive, evil friend who's done things like turn him into a goat so he almost got eaten. No one likes you and we *all*, every single one of Xander's past dates, think you should probably go run back to Devon *tonight*," he finished in a growl but smiling.

"Before we use you as a tracking game. Some of us have apprentices that we need to test and that'd be a good one for them." Willow on the screen went pale. He casually walked over and flipped the lock on the door. "You might want to let them in to save you. Before this nice Federally employed assassin has some *fun* with your remains." The reporter escaped out the window. Her camera guy followed her so they didn't get to see more than the slayers rushing in and the guy sliding down after them.

He grinned at the camera as he came down his own line. "Most of us adore Belle. We'd probably protect her for Xander if he needed us to during an emergency. Some of us might be slightly bad guys, but we mostly have a good reason to do it. Not like he dates the evil ones, only the ones who do evil for the good of everyone." He walked off calling in that the reporter was free of Rosenburg and the slayers had her, plus he had passed on the good advice of 'leave or be a game'.

The reporter looked at the camera, swallowing hard. "And that was Willow Rosneburg of the Council losing her mind apparently." Cop cars streamed up and she got helped to an ambulance with her camera guy.

Xander sighed, texting Don to see if he knew who to contact to make sure they were pressing charges against Willow. She had to learn to deal with consequences. Then he called Giles. "Did you watch that entertainment show, Giles? Yes, you might want to. Because Willow's now guilty of kidnaping two people. They got it on camera. She kidnaped a reporter on purpose," he said when Giles went into 'oh dear Lord' land. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure she's praying the one you switched from, Giles," he said dryly.

"Willow *really* needs to be spanked at the very least and I'm not sure if Cleveland's in a lockdown because of her. No, I'm not calling down there. They'll drag me into the drama since she kidnaped a reporter to complain about my dates." Giles clearly gulped something strong, he moaned as he swallowed. "Yup, and one of them rescued her. So.... can you spank her this time? Thanks!" he finished with a cheery sound then hung up to look at his daughter. He pointed at the tv. "You will never be like Auntie Willow. Ever. I will make sure of it." She cuddled his arm, sucking on her sippy cup. Xander considered it then texted a kind-of ex. Well, from a two-night stand ex. He was a field reporter working on a story about genocide in Africa. He'd hear if the other reporter wasn't okay or if Cleveland was in a lockdown tonight.


Don looked around the bar he was in. It was surprising but none of Xander's ex's had just popped up. Usually whenever he talked to Xander about his recent dates, one of them showed up somehow. Usually one in particular but he had heard that one was facing bioterrorism charges for making germ warfare things. He sipped his beer, shaking his head at the continued stories. The bartender stared at him. "Xander's my cousin. He's up here. She's a cunt," Don said bluntly. "A using, spoiled bitch of one."

"Sounds like it," the bartender agreed, getting him another beer.

"I'm just glad the bioengineer guy hasn't popped up to protest it yet," another guy in the bar complained. Don looked over at him. He grinned. "My partner dated him. I saw that guy way too many times."

Don nodded. "Me too. About every time Xander and I talked about who he was dating. Which one is your partner?"

"Bob." He grinned again.

"I heard about Bob. Xander's up here being the local liaison with Belle. Buffy tried to get custody of her but the judge agreed and gave Xander a protection order against Rosenburg and magic on both of them and any future kids."

"Huh. When Bob's out of his coma for being shot in the head I'll tell him. He'd like to have a stressless date with Xander." He sipped his beer. "You do the same thing?"

"NYPD Homicide," Don said dryly.

"Even better. Demons drive normal people nuts sometimes. Even if one of them did shoot my partner in the head so he could demoralize Xander."

"Did he hear?" Don asked, pulling out his phone.

"Yeah, showed up to shoot the demon back. She paid nicely." He smirked at Don. "He's been babying Bob when he can."

"Good to know. I might babysit Belle so he can visit or something."

"That'd be great but Bob loves the baby. Said if he could make an honest man out of Xander, he'd love to adopt her too." He finished his beer. "Tell him I said hi."

"I did." He waved his phone. He looked at the incoming text message. "Xander said Bob's going to be fine. Dawn did a healing spell and he's awake?"

The guy looked at his phone. No text yet. "I have to go hug the angst witch. Thanks, Flack." He left.

Don sent that back and went back to his beer. Sometimes, Xander drove him a tiny bit more nuts than thinking about demons did.


Xander walked into the Natural History museum, scowling heavily. "The guy who has my daughter is in here," he said when a guard started for him. "He's not supposed to have her or be in here." He headed back for the skeletons.

"And this is a Dodo, Belle. It was a flightless bird and it went extinct because it was prey. Prey is always hunted and this one was not smart enough to adapt to become less eaten." He smiled at her. "You'll never have that, princess. You're going to be able to adapt like your father has. He's very good at it. He pretends to be prey very well."

Xander snatched her. "That's why I'm going to kick your ass for taking her from the daycare." He walked off looking at his daughter. "You need to tell Uncle Hubert he's a fucking moron for taking you from the daycare, Belle. He really is. He should know that kidnaping is *never* a good idea, especially when Daddy's having a bad day." He smiled at the guard. "Thanks for the help, dude." He walked out talking to her about birds. She liked animals so it made her happy.

"Mr. Harris?" a woman asked. Xander flinched but looked at her without having to spot her in the crowd. "Can I ask you a few questions?"

"Must you?" he asked. "And I'm really sorry Willow kidnaped your coworker or colleague or whatever. We all would like her to have a reality check sometime soon."

"She got a hell of a story for it and if being kidnaped by an angry witch is the worst that's happened to her, she's lived a charmed life. Did you meet pirates?"

"Pirates?" he asked, looking at her.

"Yes, we heard you met and dated a pirate somewhere by the Ivory Coast."

"Met a pirate, yes. Not the guyliner, movie sort but yes the sort that takes ships hostage and that sort. Yes, I did meet him. Date, no. Slept with to get out of custody, yes." She blushed, mouth opening. "It knocked him out so I could get free and stab all his hostage taking idiot buddies." He looked at the officer coming his way, hand on his gun. "If you're here because a former two-week boyfriend took my daughter from her daycare, it's already solved and he won't be doing it again."

"We have reports of you taking the child from the father's custody, sir."

"No, I'm her father. I'm her only father and I haven't seen him in almost two years. He took her from the daycare today. I got a frantic call from them that my daughter was missing somehow and there's only so many of my ex's in the city. That plus the demon underground told me where she was."

"Demon underground?"

"I'm with the Council. I'm the one they send to train the girls."

"Oh." He nodded. "Can we take you downtown to get a statement?"

"Sure." Xander glared at his former boyfriend, who just smiled.

"Pookie, I have custody from the divorce."

"If we were married, you'd be a dead man by now," Xander said with a smirk back. "Because I would've killed your ass. Mostly because you were really bad in bed and kinda selfish too. Wouldn't even give a blow job." The former boyfriend blushed but glared. Xander smiled. "You keep pushing things."

"I'll get a great reward and I'll treat her well." Xander shifted his stance, hand going to his holster the baby was no longer covering. The guy flinched, backing up. "Now now, Xander. There's no need for that." A mad Xander with weapons? He'd never live to regret it for long.

"Really? Ya think? Over you kidnaping my daughter?"

"Um...." He laughed nervously. "Officer, can we please go to the station?"

"Yes, we will be. Sir?"

Xander looked at him. "Let me put more money in my meter and get her diaper bag." He walked off shaking his head. "Sorry, Miss Reporter, but have to handle this bullshit before I kill me an ex lover."

"Sure," she squeaked. "Officer, that's his daughter. We've had pictures of them together since before her mother died if you need them."

"I might." She handed over her card. "Thank you. Who is he?"

"He's the guy that the Council sends out to train slayers."

"Oh. Okay." He followed Xander, taking the baby while he dug into the car to get the diaper bag. He locked his car, paid his meter, then took the baby back to put into the carseat he correctly installed in the back of the cruiser. He'd seen regular officers that weren't as calm as this guy. "Have you been arrested before, sir?"

"Yup. Usually by dirty cops in Africa and Asia though."

That wasn't an answer he was expecting. "Okay. Well, we're not."

Xander smirked. "You might want to put him in another room. Fair warning that I'm going to rearrange his body parts for touching my daughter and then pulling this shit."

"I would too." He drove them back and radioed in. His captain was waiting. "Sir...."

"My daughter is staying with me," Xander said simply. "I'm pretty sure we can get water now and then for a bottle. We can sleep anywhere if we have to."

"We have social workers," the captain said.

"Yes, I know. I've killed a few for trying to kill some of the younger slayers," Xander said blandly. He smiled at the one behind the captain. "Let's see, half of you is a flesh eating clan and the other half....leaves?"

"Which is why I only eat organic cow byproducts," she said with a smile. "I can hold her, Harris."

He grinned back. "What makes you think I trust you?" She flinched. "Belle and I are going to sit in a room together while you guys do whatever you have to do to my former lover. Be it a DNA swab or whatever."

"That's reasonable," the captain decided. "Not like you can sneak out of there."

Xander gave him a look. "No comment." The captain scowled. "Honestly, no comment." He grinned. "Usually the ones that try to take me hostage are dirty ones, not NYPD. Then again, you guys don't usually work for warlords."

"No, we don't," the officer agreed. He took him to a room. "Need anything right this moment?"

Xander looked in the bag. "She could use some water in about an hour or so. She'll start getting hungry and I have some instant oatmeal."

"Sure." A lab tech came in to take swabs from both of them while he filled out paperwork in the room.

An hour later the captain came in. "She's not yours. She's his."

Xander burst out laughing. "That would be really hard to do since he's infertile."

"What?" the captain asked.

Xander nodded. "He has no balls. Hasn't since he was sixteen and got them stomped on. He told me when I asked back when we were seeing each other."

"Still, the DNA...."

Xander shook his head.

A female CSI walked in. "The machine was running a second test and somehow the swab from a female victim up for ID came up as the other guy as well," she said.

Xander nodded. "I'm going to kill Willow."

"Who?" the female CSI asked. "Because that's a felony, sir."

"I'm Xander Harris. Willow is the Council's witch. She and Buffy have been trying to get custody from me because my daughter's a slayer."

"But you train the slayers," the Captain said.

Xander smiled and nodded. "I do. It made no sense to the judge that turned them down either." The female CSI groaned. "I'll consent to having the test rerun. We're fine to be here for a few more hours. She's learned to sleep anywhere she needs to, she has been able to since her mom was in the hospital."

"Let's do that," the female CSI agreed. "That other one?"

"One of my former lovers and he's in deep when I grab him."

Giles walked in. "Xander. Belle." He picked her up to hug her, getting babbled at. "It's good that you're well. Xander?"

"Hubert took her from her daycare."

"I didn't believe he was that stupid," Giles said. He handed over something. "The baby's birth certificate."

"Somehow tests that aren't even related to us come up as him," Xander told him. "Which the nice CSI lady here says is a felony, Giles. So who did it?"

"Samia talked to him I believe. She just called confessing that she had talked to your ex about the baby. The news report that you were in custody over such a situation made her panic because she had helped."

"Ah. So I get to kick Buffy and Willow. Great." He grinned. "Can I have my daughter back please?" Giles handed her over. "Thank you. She's very calming. They might last a few days with her calming me down."

"I had no idea Buffy was going to try this, Xander."

Xander nodded. "I've about had enough of both of them, Giles. I really, *really* have."

"I understand and I'm going to spank them."

"Great. You can get Willow for both felonies. The one here and the one where she kidnaped a reporter." He smiled.

"Someone asked me about that in the airport."

"Laying over?" Xander asked.

"No, coming to check on you both. Mostly to make sure you don't smite the slayers."

"No, just your slayer, Giles. I'm about to lose my temper on your slayer." Hubert leaned in with a grin. Xander put his gun on the table and stared at him.

"But, Pookie," he said.

"We should have disarmed him when we came in," the female CSI said, glaring at the officer. "If you fire that, you can have her visit you for the next ten years."

Xander grinned and pulled out his wallet, holding out something. "That's the name of my attorney, who will tell you if I have to take out a terrorist cell, I'm fully allowed and it's all good to the government." She blanched at the name of the Attorney General for the US. "As my ex is so nicely in the higher end arms trade, I think he'll probably count and they'll just pat me on the head, feed my daughter another cookie, and then tell me to be more subtle or to handle it before the NYPD has to get involved."

"Quite probably," Giles admitted. "He did the last time you and one of your former boyfriends got into it in such a manner. Though, if I remember right, wasn't he a kidnaper of some sort or another?"

"He liked the ransom scams. Usually worked with the heirs to get the money split. Tried Snowy to get my attention. He didn't like it when he got it." He grinned at the female CSI. "You might want to shift about two degrees. With her trying to grab my gun to chew on it might shift my aim so I hit him higher than in his missing balls."

"Hey!" Hubert complained. "Low blow."

"You working with Willow *and* Buffy or just one of them?" Xander asked.

"Buffy," he sighed. "She was going to talk Willow into helping her though. I'll take very good care of her and you can have another child." Xander glared. Hubert let out a nervous laugh and started to back away. "Xander, please? C'mon, Pookie. You know I wouldn't hurt her!"

"You might wanna run like I told some of the other ex's about this," Xander said bluntly, staring him down. The guy turned and tried to run but officers stopped him. "Aww, come on! I need a good hunt!"

"Xander, less anger," Giles chided gently. "Before you teach her such bad habits."

"I'm going to teach her to punch Buffy and Willow on sight," he snorted. "They deserve it." He put his gun back, opening his mouth. The CSI took another swab and one of the baby. She ran them herself on multiple machines. The ones that were hooked up to their online databases, or that had been noted as just being purchased in news articles, showed that Xander wasn't the baby's father. The other two said he was. She ran a checking test and they came up the same way with the same answer on totally unrelated samples. "Mac!" she yelled. He came jogging in. She showed him.

"Someone's hacked?" he guessed.

She pointed. "That belongs to Xander Harris."

"Flack's cousin?"

"Yup. His daughter's adorable. He nearly shot the guy who tried to claim his daughter. He admitted someone at the Council is helping him to gain custody of the child."

"Okay," he said. "Let's go talk to him." They went down there. Flack was in there with the baby. "Mr. Harris?" He looked over. "Who screwed with our machines?"

"Has to be Willow. She's our only hacker and the other witches wouldn't be that unethical. Most of them think Belle calms me down a lot so they like me being a daddy."

"I don't think Detective Flack is a good guardian for her tonight," the social worker said. "He's been known to drink heavily."

Xander stared at her for a minute. "We all react to grief differently, lady. Some of us drink. Some of us go to Africa and start blowing the shit out of bad guys and taking out huge demon menaces that the slayers can't handle on their own." She shivered and backed down. "If she needs a placement overnight, my cousin is going to be more than able to handle her. He's also next in line for her custody if something should happen to me, or if Willow deages me as well he's going to get both of us. I doubt Don's going to be drinking tonight. She'll be begging him for custard all night, like usual. She likes how he makes pudding. Anytime she sees him she begs for it. That's what she's trying to say."

"I thought she wanted to swear about all this shit," Flack said. "I do." He grinned at her. "I can make vanilla or lemon custard tonight. Which do you want?" She hugged him. "I like you too, Belle."

"Still, with your recent...." Giles cleared his throat and shook his head. "You have no say, Mr. Giles."

"She is a slayer so yes I do rather have a greater say than you do," he said dryly. She flinched. "Xander has chosen a well liked and well respected cousin of his. I dare say that he's much better than a number of his dates that could step in." He looked over her shoulder. "Did we need more help?" he asked dryly.

"Mr. Giles, the President said to ask if Mr. Harris needed help blowing away his former paramour," the Secret Service agent said. "He said he would gladly lend him a few of his other ex's to help him secure the custody of his child if necessary. Especially since Ms. Summers has now given him and his wife a headache and Miss Rosenburg is presently being debated about going on the National Terror list for the third time."

"Willow is going back to Devon tonight," Giles said.

"The UK does not want her to enter their domain, sir," the agent said. "They have made that very plain. The Prime Minister called the President last month to make sure he knew that order had been posted." Xander burst out giggling. "You know why I take it?"

"Well, unless it's to do with something other than the five agent hamsters.... Maybe."

"No, I believe that was the final straw, sir." He looked at Mr. Giles. "Should I tell him Mr. Harris accepts his offer?"

"I'm sure the rest won't," Xander said with a grin. "I was going to conference call the ones I still have the numbers for since Willow hacked my phone earlier."

"Yes, sir, we're aware of that. The felony of hacking a federal telecommunications company to alter their data is just one of the charges filed against her today."

"Add screwing with their DNA machines?" Xander asked with a grin. "So it made everything look like they were Hubert's?"

"I can have that added." He called that in and nodded once he hung up. "Done. They were not amused and her name is now on the list." He looked at Giles. "The only place that's presently a good place for her is a jail cell or a non-extraditing country." He gave him a pointed look. "Because we know you need her help on occasion." He looked at Xander. "Should we put a guard around your house?"

"No. If anyone breaks in tonight they'd probably be checking on us, not taking her. Unless you hear Willow showing up to try again. She showed up to yell at me in the park the other day."

"We heard, sir. Due to her almost inclusion on that list, we do keep track of her. The junior agents we train on how to track people, because she's a great lesson in slippery people, were not amused when she was teleporting to the mall two blocks away."

"The coven has a few people in Central America," Giles said. Xander shook his head quickly. "They should."

"Miss Amber ran into an idiot trying to be a warlord and trying to take an orphanage hostage. It was mutually destructive from what I heard."

"I had not heard that. That's a shame. I did like the old biddy even though she hated males who could use magic. Though it was illogical and bending the proper ways for males to have that gift." He took off his glasses to clean them. "I'll arrange for her to travel tonight."

"Thank you, Mr. Giles. We'll be there at ten tomorrow to search for her and the stashes of two slayers who are presently dating drug dealers."

"Oh hell no," Xander said dryly. "When did they start that?"

"A day after you left. They had been hiding it before then but you hadn't caught them yet, Xander." Xander smiled. "I'll assign someone just in case and we've uploaded the numbers you had into your phone again." He left with a nod at the officers.

"An ex?" the female CSI guessed.

"His brother was," Xander said with a smile. "But I also helped them find a few really bad guys because they used to watch all of us at the Council when we first popped up to see what was going on. They did not like some of my former dates."

"Yeah!" Flack snorted. "One was selling nuclear weapons, Xander. Of course they didn't." He took Belle back. "Your daddy needs better taste in boy and girl friends before you take up with arms dealers someday too." She babbled and patted his cheek. "I know, I need to shave. You can help me with that later, okay?" He grinned. She cuddled in, stroking his hair again. "I love you too, Belle. You're such a good girl." She cooed.

"I believe he chose quite well," Giles said. He smiled at the officers. "Does Xander still need to be held?"

"No," the head CSI said. "We have her birth certificate and the DNA tests that weren't clouded. However, we really should get her ...whatever stopped. Now. Before it impacts more cases. What does that one person do?" he asked Xander.

"He's an arms dealer mostly, Mac," Flack said.

"Very high end arms," Xander agreed with a grin. "He gave me a nice discount on a few weapons for the slayers once."

Willow appeared in a huff and a flash of light. "I'm not doing anything wrong. You're the wrong one, Xander. She's one of us!"

"You do realize what I do all day long?" Xander asked dryly. "And that if you touch my daughter, you can explain to the gates of hell why you showed up in a bunch of tiny, microscopic pieces?" She blanched, shaking her head. "Yeah, I can and will. Even here in this nice police station. I'm pretty sure I can pay to repaint this charming room a few times over if I have to."

"You don't have anything on you," she sneered.

Xander looked at his gun and ejected the clip then chose another one and put it on the table. "There, now I do." He smiled. "That new bullet I helped create for that one apocalypse? I always carry a fully loaded clip with them. One clip with acid points. Clips with lead and wood." She shivered. He stared at her. "There's many ways of killing people that piss me off, Witch. You want me to name them as I use them on you or before so you can pick your favorite five?" She tried to move but Mac caught her.

Don took the gun. "I wanted to look at those. I'll do that on the way home." He looked at Belle, who patted the gun with a smile. "It's good you like weapons like your daddy does." He handed her back. "Cuddle Daddy. He's mad at the stupid person."

"I'm well beyond *mad*," Xander said dryly with a grin for him. "They're kind of explosive."

"I'll keep that in mind." He smiled at Giles.

"We really can undo all the harm she's cause, Officer."

"Detective," Flack corrected. "Me, her, him, all detectives."

"Detective then." He looked at the person who had Willow. "Let me see if it was a spell or not."

Dawn appeared in a twinkling of light, shaking her head. "No, she hacked. The coven said if they caught her doing bad things against Belle again they were going to destroy her or put her in a big piece of amber forever."

"Are they going to bury her for people to dig up in a thousand years or so and wonder how that had happened?" Xander joked. Giles glared at him. "We do."

"We may," he corrected. "They may start to wonder what sort of ritual activity led to her having scarred, inflamed buttocks as well," he admitted, looking at Dawn. "Did they say anything else?"

"One of them looked at me and warned me not to either. I pointed out I love the baby like my own, she was my method of remembering my birth control, and I had secondary custody after Flack." She grinned. "Then I pointed out Belinda is more of an evil bitch than I'll ever be."

"Perhaps," Giles agreed. "She does have that reputation now and then." He cleared his throat. "Can Xander and Belle be released?"

"Yes," the head of the CSI unit said. "You have a nice night and we're sorry, Mr. Harris. Next time, call and tell us she's been kidnaped so we can rescue her for you and not freak out museum staff?"

"Sure, I'll try to instead of just shooting his ass to add to the skeletons he was showing her."

"He was?" Giles asked.

"Yes! He was explaining dodos and other extinct versions of prey to her." He looked at Flack. "Dinner?"

"I can do that." Xander hugged him around the baby then he and Giles left with her. He shook his head. "Let me make it pretty clear that if *I* see that ex, he should probably be far, far away from me too." He stood up. "Because I have the name and numbers of some of his ex's too. They call to check on him now and then." He smiled. "Including two African warlords who *really* want Xander to be their wife. They might even form an alliance to share the Xander they want him so much." Mac shuddered. "Yeah, exactly." He walked off happier. "Have a nicer night, Miss Social Worker. Really." He waved back at her.

The captain cleared his throat. "I had no idea there were dangerous people on the Flack family tree."

"His mom's side," Mac said. "I asked." That got a nod and they walked off to finish their reports. Xander had at least been nicely reasonable about stuff. He hadn't been huffy, crying, begging, bribing, or threatening anyone but his ex and the social worker.

Dawn took Giles with her. He did need to have a talk with his slayer and his witch. He might need a few drinks to calm down first but they really had to talk.


Don got dragged to the bar by someone he barely knew. He knew they weren't NYPD, their fake badge was pathetic. He finally had to look at him. "You only had to ask me to come talk to some of my cousin's ex's," he said dryly. "I know about some of you."

The guy grinned. "That's great. How's Belle?"

"Sweeter than usual today. She kept me and her daddy from ripping Hubert into tiny little chunks."

"What did that pansy do?" he asked dryly.

"Took her from the daycare to show her skeletons of prey in a museum. Without telling Xander." The guy flinched, staring at him. "Not why you guys are meeting?"

"No! No, we think we've seen a problem starting."

"Okay. Need me to get Xander?"

"We were going to talk about it then call him."

"He's not doing much tonight beyond making sure that Willow can't magic him and the baby." He texted Xander. "Where are we going?"

"That bar you like. We figure it's probably private enough." Don nodded, adding that at the end. By the time they got there, Xander and Belle were getting out of the cab. The guy driving Don smiled at him. "We were going to talk about a huge problem, Xander."

"That's fine. It keeps me from going after Hubert in creative ways later tonight." He walked inside, nodding politely at the bartender and accepting hugs from his ex's. "What strange thing?"

"And guys, we might have to take out Hubert for kidnaping the baby," the guy that had gotten Don said.

"Great," one said with a grin. "He's in my way anyway."

"He's in custody at the moment," Don said. "The bail guys are going to let me know if he gets out so I can hunt his ass myself." He sat down. "What sort of weird things?" The baby reached for him so he took her to cuddle.

"We think we've spotted a portal or something," one of them said, looking at Xander. "And it's local."

Xander nodded once. "Okay." He considered what he knew of his new city. "The slayers haven't sensed it yet. If it was demonic they should have started to sense something wrong at the very least. Which borough?"

"This one," another said, showing him the pictures.

Xander stared. "That's not a portal." He sighed. "I don't have a number to reach them either. Um...." He pulled out his phone to look at it. "I don't want to go there," he muttered. "That might help..... Fuck." He called one number. "This is Watcher Xander Harris. We have what appears to be a non-portal terminus opening in Manhattan. So far it's glowing and causing normals to notice. We're not sure if it's demonic or not. Yes, I'd like to know if you guys have it on your radar or if we at the Council have to look into it. That'd be great. Thanks. This is my number and I am in the city as the new liaison officer. That's me, yes. Thank you." He hung up. "Let's see what the Big Brother conspiracy sorts know about it. I know it's not demonic because I can identify it."

Don looked at him. "Then what is it?"

"It's a gateway terminus but it's not a portal. It's actually part of the Rainbow Bridge." Don gaped. Xander nodded. "Yeah, story I never told you about how I know that." A few of the others groaned. Xander nodded. "So....." Belle squealed. Xander looked at her. "Bored?" he asked, taking her back.

She patted the phone with the picture. "Baba?"

"Yes, that's a bad thing," he agreed, kissing her on the head. "Very good, dear. Where?"

"By the park," one of them said.

Xander nodded. "Okay." He called one of the slayers. "Cheline, Xander. Sorry about your date," he said when she complained. "No, I need you to swing by and look at that terminus that's starting to open by the park. Yes, the pretty gold one. It's the Rainbow Bridge if I'm right so I'm pretty sure it's not demonic but we need to know if you feel a threat from it. Dear, one of my ex's I'm going to smite is up there," he said dryly. "Of course it's a threat to me and the baby. But to slayers...." He grinned. "Thanks. Yeah. Tonight please." He hung up. "I will never hear the end of this if the girls hear."

"I think that's the only time you've been captured that you couldn't save yourself," one agreed. Xander nodded. Belle wiggled her way onto the table and crawled over to hug the others, who all smiled and patted her. "You're a good girl."

"Sometimes," Xander said. "She took off after a squirrel the other day in the park." They all grinned at her.

An agent in a black suit, white shirt, and had sunglasses in his pocket walked in. "Mr. Harris?" Xander looked up at him. "We're aware of the terminus you noted. It's not a danger to the slayers or their duty."

"And yet, one of them decided I'd make a *charming* slave to sell to some enchantress as a spouse," he said dryly. "I had to have help being rescued from her army of demons."

"Oh, I had not heard that."

"Is it *open*?" Xander asked. "Because if it's just blatantly open, then there's problems we'll have to deal with as well."


Xander sighed, shaking his head. "My fault?"

"No, not your fault."

"Okay." Xander stared at him. "Where is he?"

"Which he?"

"Thor. There's not too many big idiots who can *break* the Bridge in a way that means it's noticeable to normals." He waved a hand.

"He's back home."

Xander nodded. "Don't lie to me. And tell him I said hi, okay? I won't even remark on him nearly getting captured as her second spouse while trying to rescue my ass."

"He was?"

"Yeah. Which is why this is a bit worrying. Especially with our head witch heading for the border tonight before Homeland arrests her."

"I hadn't considered that problem. I will make the Director hear that one."

"Good. Make him hear that if they come after Dawn again, they're all going to die. I do have an ex who is a bioengineer who likes to weaponize things." He gave him a pointed look. "Or me if they come after myself and my daughter."

"We have noted that you have a child. She's adorable."

"She tries awfully hard because they like to tickle her," Xander said dryly.

"I'll let the Director know. Where will you be tomorrow?"

"Home. Probably. I have Cheline going to look at it tonight."

"That's fine. I'll let him know that so he can come see what sort of threats those may be tomorrow, Mr. Harris. Thank you for working with us."

"Because if we have something like the invasion here locally? I'll fucking destroy *everything* that gets near my daughter," he warned him with a smile. "That mess in upper Turkey that time? Pitiful."

"Understood." He left, going back to their land base. His director was waiting. "Sir, did we know that they had captured Mr. Harris in the past, that Thor had been injured trying to rescue him, and nearly got taken as a secondary spouse due to it, or that they've come after Miss Dawn Summers?"

"Figures, hadn't known why, and figures," he said dryly. "And?"

"Some enchantress had him captured as her spouse, sir."


"He did make it known that he would be destroying anything that came near his daughter."

"He has a what?" the director demanded.

He took out his phone to show the picture he had snapped as he walked into the bar. "That's his daughter. The ones informing him of problems and making plans are probably more of his former lovers."

The director stared at it. "That is not good."

"Probably not since I recognized three people from their files, sir."

"Where's Coulson?"

"New Mexico."

Fury considered it. "I'll talk to the paranoid bastard tomorrow."

"Sir, I believe he's not paranoid but he's not going to relax until he's sure that it's not a real problem for his slayers to handle."

"If they invade, we'll fucking handle it," Fury said dryly.

"Sir, I doubt the girls wouldn't help," he said bluntly.

"Perhaps. There's only two locally."

"And him."

"And him," Fury agreed. "Get me Harris' file." The junior agent went to get it for him while he called Coulson. "It's Fury." The phone was handed over from the junior agent. "Huge problems that had your phone handed over?" He considered that information. "Great," he said dryly. "Anything else I should hear right this second?" He listened. "No, problem. The Rainbow Bridge is visible again. Someone told Harris, who is our new local liaison officer. With his daughter." He listened to the ideas. "He said some enchantress had him captured as a possible spouse and Thor had to get injured helping them both out of there."

Coulson said something to someone else then walked off. "I don't know, Coulson. His daughter's in the cute, drooling stage. Apparently he's a bit paranoid now. Not that I wouldn't be in his job with the prices on his head. He was meeting with some of his former lovers at a bar." He nodded once. "If that'll work, that's fine. I don't care but I know where he'll be tomorrow so someone can talk to him. Great." He hung up. The junior agent in the doorway handed over the file then left again. Fury went over it. "Someone pull film of that meeting, see who was there," he called.

"Already running," his second-in-command noted. "Some we don't have files on, sir."

"Why not?"

"One's apparently a detective in the NYPD."

"Dirty?" Fury snorted.

"No, we think he may be a relation to Harris. They've met a few times. They called him when someone tried to snatch Belle Harris earlier."

Fury shook his head. "Just great."

"He's in custody and we're transferring him to ours, sir." She handed over a copy of the picture that was labeled. "That's his cousin from what we're seeing."

Fury stared. "Two arms dealers, an assassin. Two we know almost nothing about."

"They're former dates." She pointed. "That's his cousin."

"That's an arms dealer, Hill." He pointed at the other guy he didn't know. "Him?"

"I didn't think so. I can get a better shot for facial recognition." She went to do that so they could make sure.


Don Flack looked up as his desk was stomped toward by an agent. "Yup, what?"

"*Detective*," the agent sneered. "How was your date?"

"My what?"

"Your date with Harris."

"Xander's my cousin, you fucking moron." He smirked. "I've got custody of Belle if something happens to him." The agent glared. "Really, I am. I'm related to his mother's side of the family. His mom and my mom were first cousins."

"I see. What were you meeting with him about?"

"A slight portal thing that got spotted by some of his ex's. He's already talking to people about it and if it's something the NYPD has to know he'll tell me so I can tell the higher ups. Why?"

"We have you listed as an arms dealer."

Don burst out laughing. "If I was, do you think I'd be working here? Or living in my tiny rathole of an apartment? Really?" The agent glared. "Sorry but you're mistaken."

Xander strolled in and poked the agent on the arm, smirking at him. "You work for imbeciles and you can tell Fury I called him that. Because he's a fucking paranoid nutcase. And a moron. Leave my cousin alone." The agent huffed off. Xander looked at Don's boss. "There's a small portal here," he said, handing over a map. "It is not a demonic event. It will hopefully not spill anything. If it opens, call. If only so I can run from someone who tried to capture me as a spouse?"

"I can do that and have the patrol guys go past it more often, Harris."

"Thanks. That's one ex I'd like to remove the immortality from." He grinned. Then at Don. "They mistook you for Emphreys." He walked off shaking his head.

Don shook his head. "I'm not some 70's gigolo arms dealer. They're blind."

"Quite possibly," his boss agreed. He went to tell the higher ups. It was nice that Flack's cousin warned them of things. The Council usually only warned a few days in advance. Though there being an ex involved figured with what he'd heard about Harris' tastes in lovers.


"Paranoid nutcase?" Fury asked as Xander opened his door to let him in.

"That was as nice as I could go, Fury. And a moron was added later, and whoever told you my cousin was Emphreys needs to be kicked in the ass."

"Already done." He walked in to look around. "Nice."

"Thank you. I'm working on fixing it up." He led him to the living room. "I'd offer you something to drink but I know you won't take it."

"No thanks." He spotted the staring kid. "She's fucking adorable."

"She tries really hard since she woke me up by breaking her lamp this morning."

"Would Thor remember you?"

"Yup, probably. Especially if that injury scarred."

"Why couldn't you get yourself free?" Fury asked.

"Because I'm good but I had a sword and there was a newly called demon army between me and freedom. Thor got sent to take out the army. He nearly fell too. Thankfully he had reinforcements. Odin sneered at me being captured until Thor noted that I had killed over a hundred of the demons myself. When one of their warriors attacked me I showed him some mercy and just hamstrung him and then knocked him senseless before tossing him out a window. Frigg was pleased I showed such mercy." Fury shook his head. "So they helped me get home. How open is it?"

"Not very. It's broken. Thor and his brother got into it."

"I have a protection against Loki. One of the junior warriors gave me one after my sneering back at Odin time. Thor and I get along but even he warned me about his brother's tastes."

Fury shook his head. "You live in a soap opera."

"Some days, yup." Belle toddled over and patted Fury. "That's very nice of you, Belle."

She grinned at this new guy. "Baba."

"Yes, he's a bad guy," Xander said with a grin for her. "You're so brilliant." She beamed back and stole one of daddy's pieces of meat from his sandwich. She toddled off to look out the window. Xander looked at Fury, grinning some. "She's very smart."

"I am a badass."

"You're an ass," Xander agreed dryly.

Fury smirked back. "Whatever."

"Still not bad enough." He looked at his daughter, who was patting the window to stare at the deer out there. "Really, it's broken?"

Fury looked. "What the fuck is that?"

Xander walked over to open the window. "I'm coming up there with artillery." It dropped an envelope then disappeared. Xander opened the screen to grab it then closed both of them to read it. "Fucking ex's," he muttered. He called. "Dawn, me. Go to a safety fallback. That dumbass bitch that took me hostage to Asgard said we're both adorable and would make a nicely matched set of spouses for her." He hung up and handed the letter to Fury. "Here, you have fun with that. I need to count artillery."

"Does your cousin know you have artillery?"

"He probably expects some but no, I've never given him a tour of the armory." He smiled. "Even the slayers don't know all of them."

Fury shook his head. "I can set a guard on Summers." He stood up. "Don't do anything I'll have to take you out for."


Fury walked off shaking his head. He hated working with the Council. They were either flakes, researchers, teenage girls - even if they weren't that age any longer- or Harris. Though Harris was the most sane and like his own agents so he dealt with him whenever he could. Buffy gave him hives. Rosenburg made his hands itch for weapons. Dawn was turning out sensible but still too much of a flake.

Xander called Giles. "Its me. The dumb ex on Asgard wrote me a *charming* note that Dawn and I would make a wonderful pair of spouses for her." He hung up and looked at his daughter. Someone tapped on the window. Xander didn't exactly flinch but close enough. The ex out there smirked at him for it. Xander flipped him off and pointed at the door. He and Belle sat down to eat.

His ex leaned in. "Deer?"

"She rides one," Xander said. "She's basically their version of the Good Witch of the South because she's an inbred wannabe society chick. She reminds me of the moms on that toddlers and tiaras show."

"Oh, yay," he said dryly. "Want me to go over your armory so we can up it?"

Xander smiled. "I wouldn't mind in the least if you gave me new toys, Brad."

"Great!" They went in there to look at what he had brought up. Xander had some odd choices but he guessed hunting demons did that to your weapons cabinet.


Xander walked up to an ex, handing him a package. He hissed in his ear, getting a look back. "Vitally important. The one ex I couldn't get free from has some kin near him. He needs that protection more than I do."

"I can get it to him. They probably won't like it."

"Yay. I'm not sure if he knows or not but I had a vision. It's in there."

"Got it, Xander. How's the baby?" Xander turned so he could see her napping in her backpack carrier. "She's getting a sunburn. Where's her hat?"

"She threw it at a mugger a few blocks ago so we're getting a new one." He smiled. "Thank you."

"Welcome." He called his associates to get word to that one. The guy was in the same field, just employed by someone steady.


In New Mexico three days later, the head agent got handed the envelope. "Why should I hand this on?"

"Someone from the Council had a vision. It's in there and that's to help protect him. He's not sure if it can be mitigated." He shrugged. "He wanted him to borrow it."

"Fine. I suppose. I'll tell him."

"Thanks." He walked off.

"How did you get back into the US and remove your files?"

He grinned. "I'm dating a chick in the FBI for that." He got into his car and drove off.

The head agent went inside, looking at the vision that was included. It barely made him pause but it was horrible. He called his boss, letting him read the handwritten letter over the video line. "Harris sent a protection amulet."

Fury nodded once. "I know he's up here in New York now. Why him?"

"By the vision it's a bad thing, sir."

"Get that to him, Coulson, and ask how he knows Harris. By the records they never dated, even though he's his type." He hung up.

Coulson walked the letter and the necklace out to the main lab, climbing up onto the walkway. "Hawkeye." He looked over. "Someone at the Council sent you something and a vision." He handed them over.

He looked at the vision first and put on the amulet before he was done. "That's good to know." He looked up. "Shouldn't we suspend operation just in case?"

"I'll talk to him about it. The Director wanted to know how you knew him."

"I don't. I never met the guy. I've heard of him. Nat likes to read his file like a fairy tale and laugh at it."

"Huh. We know he knew Thor. The Director passed on that Thor had gotten injured helping him escape a sorceress who had him hostage to marry."

"Sounds like what's in his file," Hawkeye agreed. "Ask Nat, sir. She's a better expert."

"I can do that." He went down to talk to the scientists. "We had a vision from someone at the Council." They all groaned. "The Tesseract is going to spit out someone bad from Asgard."

They shared a look. Then at him. "Do you want us to stop?"

"I'd like some precautions taken. As of this point, I'm not sure who had the vision, how correct they are, or how bad this could be."

"We can be very careful and not put any extra energy to it," the science team decided. He nodded, going to call that in. The Director didn't know who had the vision either. This was the first he was hearing of it and no one could get Harris today. He was the baby doctor with his phone turned off.


Xander looked at the new pediatrician. "I know she's got the slayer mole. I'm actually part of the Council."

"So you adopted?"

"No. She's my biological daughter." The doctor nodded at that, making a note of it. "So far she's not really been blessed with pre-slayer hyperness, or their need for sweets to keep up their metabolic spaghetti mess. She does have the extra speed already. She's very smart. Her old doctor said she was running about two, three months ahead of most kids in most things. The slayer spirit has helped hype that but we're not sure how much is her and how much is Belle's genes."

"That's good." He made that note. "I see we have his records." He read them over, nodding some. "You spread out her shots?"

"Yes. I don't like more than one shot at any given visit. I know she's due for tons in the next few months but I react funny to meds at times and so does she. That way we can make sure there's no reactions or funny problems from them." The doctor looked at him. "I got exposed to demonic DNA back in high school, before I gave the sperm that created her," he said with a slight grin. "It's not totally affecting her but her chromosome mapping showed that one is slightly affected. It's why she gets scaly ears at times." The doctor looked at that and made a note. "I'm out of lotion. I'm picking some up on the way home."

"That's reasonable. What sort of demon?"

"Mermaid." He smiled. "They're not pretty like Disney said."

The doctor shook his head. "That's very weird."

"Then again, I grew up on the old Hellmouth," Xander said with a grin. "Born and raised there."

"I can see spreading out the shots just in case." He made that note. "I see she's behind on one we consider necessary locally."

"Yeah, no, she can't have that. She's shown some weird reaction to it. It's in her six-month visit." He flipped back to that, scratching his eyebrow. "So I'd rather not if we can get by with it. I have told the daycare and showed them her medical records. I don't really want her to be in the ICU again."

"No, I wouldn't either. That contamination?"

"No. Not that we can tell. A few of the younger future slayers have that same problem."

"Okay." He made a note to look into that. "Any others?"

"She does not get along well with bright lights when you try to look into her eyes. She will kick and she's already kicking like a mule."

"I can be wary of that. Many children do kick."

"She got a doc across the room," Xander warned.

"I can stay out of her feet's way then." He smiled and made that note as well, only in the front this time. He pulled out what he needed to examine her. "This bruise?"

Xander looked then shook his head. "She's got the nasty habit of climbing out of her bed. Since she broke a crib doing it we've switched to a transition bed that has railings. She likes to roll over the railing instead of climbing off the free spot at the end of the bed. Usually she rolls over it." He showed him the film on his phone. "I caught her sneaking off to get cookies."


"I refused to give her any and she was in an enforced nap because she had decided to beat the fridge for being out of juice. She desperately needed a nap."

The doctor nodded. "Some kids do throw fits."

"She doesn't usually but her aunts have taught her how to be way too spoiled and bitchy at times. It's an infection from her Aunt Buffy, who was an LA princess before she got Chosen."

"I've seen articles on the upper slayers." He went back to his exam. She watched what he was doing but kept looking at his earring. Xander stopped her from reaching for it. "Thank you."

"Not a problem. Babies like shiny things, like dragons." Belle grinned and growled at him. "Aww, are you a dragon, Belle? Your mommy would've loved that you're a dragon."

The doctor smiled, making his notes on her progress. "She's a bit chubby."

"She's running off everything and she's mid growth spurt. I'm hoping it slows down soon since she's went up two sizes in the last month."

"It should but we can pay attention to that and her weight."

"As long as she's healthy, Doc. She'll need some to help her body through training when it starts in a few years."

"Good point." He checked her ears and got out of the way so she couldn't kick him when he looked in her eyes. She did get his arm on purpose but it only hurt for a minute. "She might need glasses."

Xander nodded. "I've been told that. I figured it'd be when she was a bit older?"

"Probably. It doesn't look bad. A slight case of lazy eye on her right side."

Xander nodded again. "Okay. When she's two I'll get a referral from you."

"That's a good age," he agreed. He smiled at her. She grinned back. "She's seriously happy."

"Most of the time." Belle tried to wiggle down. "No. Stay up there." She pointed and grunted, staring at her father. "No, you don't need to see if that's a mouse. Stay there." She wiggled again. "Freeze, Belle." She whined and pointed. "No!"

The doctor helped move her wiggling self farther up the exam table. She burst out crying. "She's already opinionated."

"Yup," Xander agreed, staring at his daughter. "Stop it. Now please." She sniffled and held her arms up so he cuddled her. She kicked him in the side, making him wince and grab the table with one hand but he knew to keep hold of her with the other. The doctor winced and took her from him. Xander stared at her. "Keep it up, I'll ask the bad auntie to make you a mule since you like to kick so much." She pouted and wiggled to be put onto the table. Where she promptly rolled off it on purpose but Xander caught her. "Yes, we need to nap," he told the doctor, who was shaking his head but making notes. "Baby bootcamp is starting to look really good."

"It might be. She's well behaved. I've had some children in here who are always screaming and always trying to get free."

"If she's interested, she's a good kid. If she gets bored... not so much a good kid."

"When she's older we can test her for ADHD as well," the doctor said, making that note with a smile.

"Runs in my family, Doc," Xander said dryly. "I have it too. Most slayers have it unless they're hunting as well." He nodded and made that note. "But we're good?"

"For right now I'd say you are. I can give her one of her shots today. It's a bit early but not critically so." Xander nodded so he got that to give her. She did fuss at that, just like every other kid. Daddy hugging her made her stop. "We'll do the next shot next month?"

"Whenever's good for you." He smiled. "The insurance guy I go through agreed it was a very good idea since it's cheaper to pay for a short office visit for the next shot instead of a trip to the ER and possibly an overnight or longer stay."

"It is. In her case it's a sensible precaution." He looked at Xander, noticing the bandage on his arm. "Kitchen trouble?"

Xander looked then shrugged. "Mugger. I've done good with stitches yet again," he said dryly. The doctor gaped. "I learned to field treat myself. It's *so* much easier if I do it. No lying to the ER docs that don't want to hear about demon injuries. Or occasionally from a former date that now wants to kill me because I'm in their way." He shook his head but grinned. "I do most of my own stitches and I have a nice herbal antibiotic gel that the Council uses to put on them. It got me through Africa too, Doc." The doctor quit staring and nodded. "She'll get to go to the ER. She's been a few times."

"Good!" He stared at him. "Why do you dislike doctors?"

"The hospital where I grew up had a twenty-seven percent homicide rate," he said dryly. "Starting in the ER where anything bigger than needing a cast or stitches had a really high chance of making you food for something else."


"It fell in when Sunnydale did." He grinned. "If it hadn't, I would've blown it up."

"Good!" He shook his head. "She's fine for now. Come see me in two weeks to get that next shot." Xander nodded, shaking his hand and walking out with the fussy baby. The nurse got him while they were checking out. She had hives around the shot area.

Xander looked at her. "You get the pink liquid. You're very special, Belle. Pink liquid and an oatmeal bath too." She squealed and beamed at him for that. The nurse smiled and nodded he was right. The doctor agreed and made that note in her new file.


Xander got out of the cab, pulling out her carseat, and walked up to his door. He nodded at the woman who walked up behind him. "Morning, Agent Romanoff."

"You know of me?"

He smiled. "Vesily suggested I should date you once. He told me about you." He opened the door, looking at the stuff in the entryway. "Awww, Unclie Brad was here," he told his daughter, grinning at her. "He gave you stuff to pat to feel better with your hives." He let her in and shut the door. "Let me get her some medicine. Her baby shot today did not agree with her." He took her into the kitchen to get the meds down her then let her go free. His daughter went to coo and pet the cases that were in the hallway. Xander got them shifted into the outer level of the armory and took the baby with him to the living room. Natasha was waiting patiently. He smiled. "So, I figure it's not a huge problem since you waited around, but at least a slight one."

"Who had that vision that got sent to New Mexico?"

"I did."

"Interesting. How correct are you?"

"I've been off-time twice."

"So not wrong but the time code shifted."

"Mostly because what we were doing blocked them so it held it back."

"Can it be averted?"

"I don't know. Can we stop someone somewhere else from having a fucking idiot moment?"

She smiled slightly. "I'm not certain. I know they are guarding the cube better."

Xander nodded. "Might be a good idea."

Belle walked up to this new person, patting her on the thigh. "No baba."

"No, she's not a bad guy. That's very smart, Belle."

Natasha smiled at the child, who grinned up at her. "I'm not a bad guy most of the time. That's very wise." The baby hugged her leg and grinned at her. "You are adorable but I am not used to children."

"Neither's she," Xander quipped. He patted the couch next to him and Belle ran over to climb up to get cuddles. "Sorry," he said quietly.

"She's adorable and smart."

"I try." He smiled. "Did he get the protection amulet?"

"Yes. How did you get it?"

"One of the junior warriors gave it to me after I basically yelled back at Odin for blaming me for being kidnaped while I was asleep. He thought a real warrior should've been able to rescue himself. I pointed out I defeated all the ones in the castle and was working on the others when he sent his son to handle the demon army she had called up. Thor stuck up for me too because he nearly lost and got captured as a spouse. Odin was not happy and when his idiot warrior attacked me, I kindly put him out of commission for a while and threw him out a window."

"How injured were you?"

"I was making myself stand up at that time. I was in pretty darn pitiful shape. I fully admit that but if the slayers hear I'll never hear the end of the nagging. Especially from Willow and Buffy."

Natasha nodded at that. "We've been told that they do like to nag you."

"They like to think I'm normal too," he said dryly. "That's why Buffy tried so hard to get custody of Belle from me when she found out she was a pre-slayer."

"Oh, dear."

"Oh, yeah. Did Willow make it to a non-extradition country?"

"She's presently in Brazil at the slayer house down there." Xander shook his head. "We're certain she's still fuming about you and the baby."

"Probably. If I'm ever turned into a kid or something, the custody forms for both of us are in my top desk drawer. We both go to my cousin Don."

"I'll have that note made. We heard she turned one of the slayers down there into a poodle to have something to pet."

Xander nodded. "Doesn't shock me any. It only shocks me that she's not a cat."

Natasha smiled slightly. "She does seem more like a cat person." The baby got down and walked over to hug her again. "Thank you for hugging me. Why did you hug me?"

Belle grinned at her then pointed at the deer outside the window. "Baba. You?"

"No, the deer is not mine." She got free and walked over to see what it wanted. It had a nice box and a scroll so she took it. Xander shot the deer so it couldn't come back. Natasha looked at him.

"Second present from her." He took the scroll and groaned, handing it over. Inside the box was a pretty collar. He handed that over as well. "It's got magic around it."

"I can tell. It's making my skin itch." She looked at the scroll. "What language is this in?"


"How did you learn an extinct language?" she asked.

"Anya taught me. She had been a viking bitch before she got turned into a vengeance demon." He smiled. "It gave us secure communication to complain about Willow in so she wouldn't turn us into things. I asked her to teach me."

"That is not in your files."

Xander laughed. "I've seen the files you guys keep on me. It's pretty darn wrong. I'm not that heroic. Or that great. I know I'm a usual mortal that stepped into a slayer's appointed duty to quote someone else. And that pirate, I basically slept with him to knock him out then stabbed him and the rest of his people to get out. I set their buildings on fire as I left. I was not a happy camper."

She smiled, a full smile. "I would have done the same." He grinned back. "Can I get a corrected version of your records?"

"Not like I fully kept track. You might ask a few of my ex's to correct it. Not Hubert. He's still mad at me and I need to shoot him because he thought taking my daughter from daycare was a great idea. I don't want anyone else to think I liked that idea."

"He's in SHIELD custody now and I'll tell your other ex's we have in custody, plus ask them to correct your files." She tipped her head to the side. "Why did you need more artillery?"

"Just in case." He grinned. "I'm just as paranoid as your boss but I get a head's up about big things happening now and then. You should read that vision. Including on the backside of the page, which is in special ink."


"Red with a filter."

"I can do that." She nodded and smiled at the flirting baby. "You are a very good girl."

Belle squealed and hugged her leg again then grunted and pointed at her daddy. "Dada?"

He stared at her. "I thought you gave up trying to get me dates." Natasha burst out laughing. "She is. She's done it before. That's why I dated Marta." He picked her up. "Say bye?"

"Bye!" she squealed, waving with a grin.

"I'll see you soon. Bye," she told the baby, getting waved at so she waved back. She left, going to talk to those ex's first. She called ahead to have one brought to an interrogation room for her. She sat down across from one of them once she got back, crossing her legs. "Belle is adorable."

"She try to get you to flirt with Xander?" he quipped with a smirk.

"She did. He said the files we have on him are incorrect."

"Probably. I know Rosenburg got into them at least once."

"He suggested his former dates may have a better version."

"I can help you correct them, Agent Romanoff. Though if you want to date Xander, none of us would be jealous. You're his type of girl: dangerous, pretty, deadly, and smarter than he pretends to be."

"I find a man who learned an ancient language to be fairly smart. Though I do not casually date."

"Pity. Xander could use the casual fucking too though." She smirked slightly. "He really could. He gets ...bouncy."

"I'll keep that in mind." She called up the file on her tablet, letting him see it. "You can make notes on that copy."

He looked it over, making a lot of notes. "I can already tell Rosenburg got into it. She put in his fake birthday that she gave him and got his father's name wrong."

"It is?"

"Yes." He looked up. "Xander's father skipped out on his first family and created a second one, with him, but things only got worse and he couldn't slip out of this one as easily. No car to wreck." She tipped her head slightly to stare at him. "That's all I know about that. It's been a rumor in the underground now since he showed up. I don't know where it started but we know it's true, Xander admitted he knew that much and that he had a few older half-siblings but one of them had told him when he was a child."

"Interesting." She stood up. "I will be right back. Let me drop off the newest present he received for testing."

He looked at her. "From.....? If I can be that nosy?"

"The one who rides a deer, which Xander shot."

"Oh, that bitch." He grimaced. "She's some sort of Asgardian sorceress. We think it's Rosenburg in another life or something. She's really bad for Xander and he loathes her." She held up the box with the collar exposed. "That's got magic. I can feel it itching."

"It does." She looked at the guard in there. "I will be right back." He nodded, letting her out. She went to their labs. "A magically enhanced ugly present from someone's paramour that they do not want." They took it to look over and scan. They didn't get much chance to look at magic. "We know the source is Asgardian magic." They smiled at her for it. "She is fixated on Harris." She went back to the cells to talk to that interesting prisoner again. He didn't give them anything they had wanted, even under torture, but he seemed more than willing to talk about Xander. That was interesting.


Natasha showed up in the Director's office that night, handing over the corrected file. "Rosenburg hacked their files."

"Charming," he sneered. He took it to look over, giving it a funny look. "He did *what*?"

"Apparently. I had no idea either." She sat down, watching him read it. A few things made him swallow and once blush but it was amusing. "Also, look at the family section. We need to do some research there."

"We got his birthday wrong?"

"Rosenburg apparently gave him a fake one she could remember and she put that in there. Also, that sorceress on Asgard? A few of them have noted they weren't sure if she was related to Rosenburg, either in another life or by family."

"So she's a redhead with addiction issues?" Fury asked dryly.

"Apparently, yes. Fairly strong as a witch as well. Xander did shoot her deer earlier when it brought the charmed collar and scroll." She dialed a number on the phone, putting it on speaker.


"There is hidden information on the back of that vision. It will appear under a red light with a filter according to Xander Harris, who had the vision."

"How correct is he?" he asked.

"He admitted to being temporally wrong twice."

"Let me get that to look at. I need a red light with a filter system and that vision."

"Also, whoever did his background failed miserably," Natasha said casually. "His father apparently ran from his first family and started that one, but couldn't escape for some reason. A few of his dates knew that much but not who the other family members were. Just that one of them had told Xander when he was a child."

"That's interesting to note," Fury said, looking at that section. "You let them make notes?"

"Yes. They were more than happy to talk about Xander and Belle. They've all agreed that if Xander needed someone to take his daughter in due to a current problem, they would most happily do that. Even the two that admitted they'd have to hire nannies because they didn't know what to do with a child."

"Huh. How does he draw them?" Fury asked.

She shrugged. "I do not know. I know his daughter latched onto me, told me I wasn't a bad person, and tried to get me to flirt with her father." The director snorted but shook his head with a smile. "They said that's not the first time she's done that. You might also check the skills section as we had no notes on him being able to speak Norse or a few demon languages."

Fury looked at those. "That's ... how did he learn that?"

"The one he nearly married was apparently Norse in her original human life. She taught him so they could complain about Rosenburg without her knowing."

Fury shook his head. "I might've too."

"Here we are," Coulson said over the phone. "Though you've missed some. He has a smattering of about seven different demon languages, three fully down, Norse, Latin, and he reads two other dead ones fairly well thanks to the research they did in high school. Hmm. It's a warning about.... That's very interesting. It's a personal note to Hawkeye though. Nothing more on the invasion as he calls it. That was not on the other side." You could hear him flip it over to check. "No, he doesn't mention an invasion at all."

"Like they had in LA?" Fury asked.

"He only mentions that he'll be healed by the invasion, sir."

"Who?" Fury asked.

"I'd suppose Loki since the protection charm he sent was against Loki's magic," Coulson said.

"Interesting. Let me know if you see any Asgardian."

"I can do so, sir. Thank you for that note, Natasha." He hung up.

Fury looked at his agent. "Good work."

"Thank you." She stood up. "We may want to check the other records for people in the Council. Who knows how she warped Buffy's as she has heroine worship for her." She left. She hadn't wanted to suppose but that note and Coulson's not-saying something told her all she wanted to know. That was quite interesting indeed.


Coulson hung up and looked around. "Get me... No, wait." He frowned. "Tell Hawkeye I want to see him first thing in the morning. There was more on the back of this but I'm looking something up." His assistant nodded, sending that message and leaving him alone to look up things. He had done Clint Barton's intake files himself, including his background check. Sunnydale's papers were preserved thanks to a college nearby that was looking at the town's history as a special project of their library. He found the notice of a lot of drunk and disorderly charges, and a few had pictures. He pulled up Clint's files to compare them. "That is very interesting," he decided quietly.

Clint leaned in. "Should I show up now, sir?"

"I've barely looked into this." He waved him in, handing him the flashlight with the filter on it. Clint read the back of the vision, stiffening. "His former lover told Natasha Xander has known about his father thanks to an older sibling telling him?"

"No," Clint said. Coulson let him see the side-by-side picture comparison. "Okay," he said after a few deep breaths. "So he tried to kill us on purpose?"

"I do not know. You'd have to see what Xander knows."

Clint nodded. "Can you have Natasha ask him? I might punch him in the nose."

"They said he found out when he was a child. Whoever told him probably said that you didn't want to know."

"I haven't met Harris."

"You did have a brother," he said quietly.

"I did." He considered it. Coulson dialed the phone for him. "Harris, Clint Barton."

Xander's voice came over the line with a sigh. "I wasn't going to put that on there but I figured out that it was something about us that made us so attractive to him. Somehow we gave off 'top minion to handle all our shitty plans for us' vibes. Otherwise I was going to let you keep ignoring it."

"I didn't know a damn thing about this," he said a bit too firmly.

"Really? Okay. I thought... He said you knew."

"Was his name Barney?" Clint asked.

"Yes. I was about eight when he showed up."

Clint sighed. "So that was after he left the circus."

"You guys were in a circus? Wow. I thought about doing that a few times."

"Barney and I escaped to one. It's a lot of work."

"I'm used to work. No, Belle, go back to bed please."

"No!" the baby shouted. "Baba!"

"Let me go see what bad thing it is." He moved with her because they could hear her patting the phone and breathing into it. "Fuck," he said. "Wardrobe, Belle. Sorry, guys. Gotta cut this short." He hung up. Belle ran for her wardrobe. It was the first thing Xander had taught her when she had learned how to walk. Xander grabbed a few weapons and went out to handle the issues going on outside his house. Including for the young woman they were trying to eat.

Clint looked at his handler. Who nodded. "We can talk to him."

"I should."

"Do you want to take a leave of absence?"

"This vision says a few months. I should."

"Agreed. Take a week, Clint."

"Thanks, sir." He stomped off. He had to catch a flight back east apparently.

Part 2 by Voracity2
Don got woken out of a nightmare by his phone going off. "What?" he asked. He listened, sitting up. "They all good? Only... Look for a really old wood wardrobe, made out of ash and oak. It's a magically protected spot for the baby, Stella." He hung up and got dressed, hurrying over to Xander's house. Xander was being treated by paramedics. Don stomped up to him. "The baby?"

"Wardrobe." He looked at him. "It's timeless in there and has a calming charm so she doesn't try to get out if she needs to be in there. They didn't get that close to the house, outside trying to light it on fire, and it still would've protected her," he said quietly. "Can you...."

"Yup. You going to the hospital?"

"Nope. I'll let these nice guys clean up the mess so I can stitch it though." The paramedic stared at him. "I do all my own. I learned before going to train slayers in the wilds of the world."

"We do have a lot of good ER's in this city, sir," one said.

Xander nodded. "I'm sure but every doctor I've seen has tried to kill me." They snorted but finished the cleaning job for him. Xander grabbed his med kit and sat down on the front step to do his stitches. One of them watched him. He had a good hand. They added that to the form, letting Xander sign it. Then they left for their next call.

Don came down with the fussy baby. "She was not happy."

"I need to put new stuff in there for her to suck on probably." He waved his hand. "Let Daddy finish this, Belle. Then I'll cuddle." She snuggled Don, watching what he was doing.

Stella stomped over. "What happened and why didn't you call for NYPD help?"

He looked up at her, pausing his stitching of his arm. "There were four demons trying to kill one of the girls up the street. You guys don't handle demon crimes the last I knew. They had to be beheaded, and I'm pretty certain NYPD guys don't behead, they shoot. And hey, kinda my job." She scowled. "I had no idea that they were working with the mixed race demon street gang until they showed up to try to defend their 'boys' as they called them." He blinked. "They tried to set the house on fire but I kindly turned them into kindling." He pointed at the mass of demon bodies. "I need to burn those." He went back to his needlework.

"You could've gone to the ER."

"Every doctor I've seen in an ER has tried to kill me. No thanks. I'm pretty darn good at this after all this time."

She gaped. "What?" she shrieked.

"Hey!" Belle yelled back. "Baba!"

"No, she's not bad," Don said. "She's upset." He looked at his coworker. "Should've seen some of the ones he did on his chest and sides while in Africa. The first time he came home from there he had over sixty of them and he had done the majority of them."

Xander nodded. "Yes I had."

Someone cleared their throat. "Sir?" the demon said.

Xander looked up. "Here to bitch?"

"No. Not in the least, Mr. Harris." Xander grinned. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah. The fire only got a corner of the building. I was putting it out when the fire trucks got here. If they have families let them know they went down honorably?"

"I can do so. The local demon council wanted their bodies?" Xander pointed at Stella. He looked at her. "May we claim them?"

"From the morgue, tomorrow probably."

"I will tell them thus. One will dissolve by then." He pointed. "His kind do."

"I'll let the ME know that." She handed over her card. "I'm with the crime lab. I'm second-in-command behind Mac Taylor. He's a bit.... freaked out by you guys but I'm not."

He smiled. "Thank you. We knew you as the Beauteous Curled One but not your name." He bowed slightly and walked off calling that in.

Stella blushed at Don. Who grinned. "Your hair is very nice."

"Bye," Belle called frantically, waving at the demon.

He smiled and waved. "Bye, Belle." She smiled and relaxed. "We think it's charming that she's worried about people leaving her."

"That's because Buffy tried to and nearly didn't come back a few times," Xander said dryly. "While she was supposed to be babysitting." He finished up that cut and moved to the next one.

Stella stared at him. "Do you honestly think this is normal?"

"For the Council, this is pretty normal," he admitted, looking up at her. "We have things like this all the time. The two slayers up at their college got kicked out of the dorms because the demons kept trying to sneak in to take them out. They got tired of them hanging out their windows in the mornings. They nearly got kicked out of school because a professor decided to attack them in front of the rest of the class when they came in for Freshman English." Stella shook her head. "They come for me because I work with them and because I still carry hellmouth taint." He went back to his stitching.

One of the firemen walked over. "You nearly had it out, sir, and we've made sure it didn't do a lot of damage." Xander grinned at him. "You could've went to the ER."

"Doctors hate me."

"Okay. It should be all right to live in. We're not seeing any structural damage, just superficial to the siding. How did you do that?"

"Warding spells around the house. It took them nearly twenty minutes to get the fire started and it was burning really slowly as the wards fought it." He grinned. "Thanks for backing me up on that, guys."

"Not a problem, sir. Can we get a copy of those for the various stations?"

"Yeah. Call Rupert Giles tomorrow, have him get them from Dawn's green book in the library." He nodded, smiling and making that note as he walked off. "Thanks, guys."

"Welcome, sir. Glad we weren't needed for a more serious fire," one called back. They left.

Xander finished up his stitches and looked at his chest then shrugged. "I can bandage those later." Don snorted. Xander put on the bandages then he stood up and took his daughter back. "All better."

Belle patted him on the face then kissed him. "Baba bye-bye?"

"Yup, the bad guys went bye-bye. That's very smart, Belle." He walked her inside. "You're more than welcome to come take a statement, Detective."

"Thank you." She let Don pick up the medical kit, looking at it. "That's a mobile field hospital."

"It is," Don agreed quietly, looking at her. "He's needed it in the past for the slayers." He carried it inside to put up. Belle was sipping some milk from her cup while cuddling her daddy. Stella came in to take a statement from him about what had happened and why he had jumped in that way. Don calmed down and eventually fell asleep in the chair he was sitting in.


Xander walked out to answer the door, nodding him inside. "Shh. Don's sleeping," he said quietly.

"New boyfriend?"

"Cousin on my mom's side. He came over to help Belle since I was kicking some demon ass last night." He let him inside and closed the door. He stopped his wandering daughter, turning her around and pointing. "Go wake Don up and make him take a nap in a bed." She ran off with a squeal to pounce Don, who just grunted and cuddled her. "Don, I have a few spare beds," Xander said. "That chair can't be comfortable."

Don blinked at him. "If he's the new boyfriend I get to threaten him."

"He's not. He's an agent here to ask about some stuff."

"Oh, okay. Sure, I can nap on a bed. I'm off today." He took Belle up to help him settle in.

She insisted on cooing at him until he fell asleep again then she ran back downstairs to get cuddles for her good job. Xander did that. She looked at the staring guy. "Baba?"

"No, he's not bad. Like the lady yesterday, he's an agent."

"Oooh?" She smiled at him. "Oooh?"

"I guess. I have no idea what to do with kids." She pounced him to cuddle him, making him sit down. She grinned when she got his lap. "Sure, you conquered me." She snuggled in. He patted her gently on the back. "She's nice."

"She tries awfully hard sometimes," Xander said with a grin. "Belle, can we talk without help?"


"I can change you," he offered. She ran off cackling. "Let me...." Clint waved a hand. He caught his daughter to change and then let her play with her toys. He came back out to the living room. "Sorry. Sometimes having a daughter takes a lot of attention."

"It should." He stared at him. "Barney told you what?"

"That he had tried to kill you all so he could escape and none of you wanted to hear anything about us. That you'd probably try to kill me if you knew he had me."

"No, I would've probably moved closer."

"Sunnydale isn't exactly the safest place. As proven by our high death rate due to vampires."

"How did he get there?"

"No clue. Mom told me once he met her at a burger place in Iowa and they moved."

"Huh. So maybe before he killed my mother."

"I'm sorry. I had no idea. I wasn't going to mention it but all that attraction for those sort comes from him. Since I almost tangled with Loki once..... I thought you should have a warning."

"No, I wanted to know. Barney was a shithead," he said bluntly. "Who tried to kill me."

Xander blinked a few times. "Wow. It's not just us that're a bit weird and screwed up then." Clint snorted but looked happier. Belle carried in her doll. "Hi, Belle and Goat Girl." She bleeted like a goat, or tried to. "I know, that's Goat Girl." Belle snuggled in again.

"She's really adorable."

Xander grinned. "Thanks. I didn't expect her to come into being but her mom got my sample from the sperm bank and then died of cancer."

"I'm sorry."

"No, she told me. I got to be there for the birth. I got to do all the freakouts I needed over being a daddy, all that. She's great. She's probably kept me alive a few times." He looked at her then at him again. "She's like a mixed blessing since she's a future slayer."

Clint swallowed but nodded. "I can see how that happens but you'll make sure she's strong enough to keep going."

"I will be, yeah." He smoothed down her hair. She wiggled down and toddled over to Clint, climbing up in his lap to cuddle him. "She's a great kid. Most of the time."

"I think all kids have those days." He patted her on the back, watching her flinch. "What happened to your back?"

"She decided to flip over the bed this time instead of climbing over the railing. Landed on top of her collection of doll cars and dolls. I woke up to her screaming and had to treat a huge bruise plus nag."

"I guess kids can do that. No crib?"

"She broke it. I went to one of those beds with rails."

"I guess that makes sense." He looked at her. "You should stay in bed when it's bedtime." She pouted at him. "Sorry but you should."

"Yes, you should," Xander agree. "Before someone tries to call CPS or something. Because I don't need that headache on top of the usual ones." He sighed, looking outside. "She sent a wolf instead of a deer? Great." He walked over to open the window and shoot it. He took the notes from it and then shut the windows. The wolf disappeared in a twinkling of light. He settled in to read it, blushing some. "Gee, but not my thing," he said dryly. Clint held out a hand. "The batty Asgardian sorceress."

"Someone told Natasha about that. She talked to your ex's about your file too." He gave him a look. "Are you superhuman?"

"No, I'm just a guy who jumped in."

Clint grinned. "I usually say I'm just a guy with a bow when they ask me that question."

"I hardly ever have to use my axe or my crossbow anymore. I kinda miss the old days of patrol when I got to use them all the time."

Clint stared at him. "That's weird."

"Patrol through a cemetery is a lot less weird than apocalypse battles."

"True I guess."

"Or warlords in Africa and Asia."

"That I know." Xander grinned. He looked at Belle, who was trying to climb him. He helped her sit on his shoulder. She cooed in his ear and patted his hair for him. "You're very nice to me." She slobbered on him but went back to petting him.

Xander smiled. "She's always good to new people. It's only me she gives hell."

"Yeah but you're her dad."

"She should treat me better than others."

Clint looked at her then at Xander. "So now what?"

"I don't know. We can have dinners and stuff if you want."

Clint grinned. "I could like that. Natasha fixed your file."

"She grabbed onto Natasha and tried to get her to flirt with me." Clint laughed, nodding some. "I suggested she talk to some ex's to get the files corrected since you guys had me being an idiot savant too."

"Not exactly and she did. She also fixed what Willow put in. Like the wrong birthday."

"I have no idea why she couldn't remember which day it was but that was her thing and even my parents eventually decided she was right." Clint snorted. "She's not much but she's like family."

"I have a few like that." He looked at the cooing baby. "Am I a puppy?" She giggled and slobbered on his ear again then went back to petting him. Xander shrugged. He had no idea. They settled in to get to know each other a bit more, with the baby's help. She really seemed to like Clint's hair.


Clint showed up at the land base that night, looking at Natasha. "The baby is really cute." She nodded, smiling slightly. "She petted my hair all day."

"She hugged my thigh a few times." Clint sat down across from her. "Was that supposition right?" He nodded. "Why?"

"I'm not sure. If he was alive I'd ask but he died in Sunnydale. Xander said he refused to leave."

"Seems fitting then." She sipped her coffee. "Now what?"

"I found out more about that sorceress. I asked." She nodded once. "She's a bit batty."

"It figures. Most of the ones who like him seem to be a bit...off. So are some of yours." He gave her a pointed look. "Can you two get along?"

"Yes. I think so. He doesn't seem too weird, no matter what he does for a living. I'm not sure if I could handle demons."

"He does have experience." She sipped her coffee again then took a bite of her dinner. "Anything else come of it?"

"The senior slayers called up to wish Xander a fake happy birthday. Only one of them realized it was fake but he thanked them nicely and let the baby babble at them. Then someone they had talked into it broke in and Xander shot him in the arm. Then nearly beat him to death before calling someone to handle his punishment. Apparently there's a local demon council to handle those things."

"That makes sense with how well they hid for centuries." She ate another bite. "Anything else come from the first meeting?"

"We ended up talking about weapons when the baby took a nap. He's got some strange tastes but it's nice. He has a really sweet favorite crossbow and axe."

She quirked up an eyebrow. "Axe? Like a battle axe?"

"Yeah. He's used it for years. It went to Africa with him on his second tour. He used it to behead a few bigger demons that were attacking a young slayer."

Natasha looked at him for a moment then stuffed her mouth. She would not smile at that. Yes, she could see the resemblance now.

"Don't even," he warned, trying not to smile. "I've never used an axe."

"No, I believe you used a tire iron." She stuffed her mouth again.

Fury stomped in. "What are you doing back here?" he demanded.

"I came to meet my relative," he said dryly. "Before he died doing insane shit."

Fury blinked. "You're related to Harris?"

"Turns out we are. Coulson ran the DNA for me and it came up we are half-brothers." Fury just nodded, walking off shaking his head. "I'll make a report about that sorceress later." He looked around then at her. "She's very fixated."

"If she comes down here, should we worry about you as well?" Natasha asked.

"Maybe. I don't think she's got my scent yet. I hope. She sent a nice note today about how she was missing him and how he could do many great things with her army."

Natasha looked at him for a moment then stuffed her mouth again. She would not comment. "Perhaps you should look at the newly updated file as well."

"I read it last night on the flight."

"I've added to it again today when three of his former girlfriends found me and took me to lunch against my will. Since they were helping I only knocked them cold afterwards," she said at his quirked up eyebrow and half smile. He pulled up the file to look it over.

Agent Hill walked in. "Barton, why are you here?"

"Meeting a relative."

"I see. What are you briefing yourself on?"

"Same relative."

She blinked at him, trying not to be surprised. "I see."

He looked up at her. "I had no idea until that vision." He went back to it. He burst out laughing. "I'm hoping that's a typo?"

"Probably not," Natasha said. She drank the rest of her coffee and got up to get more. While she was gone, Barton burst out laughing so hard he rocked the table. Hill looked and blushed, walking off. "Indeed." She sat down with her new coffee, sipping it while Barton read it over. "I have one last paramour I'd like to talk to and I know he's in town. He was watching us at lunch earlier and smiled when I took his competitors out of his way." She took a sip and ate the last of her dinner.

He sat up, putting the tablet on the table to reread a section. "He did what?"

"He did a lot of things under that heading. Which are you speaking of?" He showed her. "Ah, that one is second under that heading."

"Where's the winner under that heading?" he asked.

"Six months later." He paged down and paused. She looked. "That's fifth or sixth depending on your scoring of zombie strippers riding zebras." He opened his mouth then closed it and went down a few more pages. He paused, staring at the incident that was simply noted. "They would not tell me what happened but most of them looked like they wished to cry about it. The only thing I've heard about it was that foreign governments offered him money, women, and a slight army to go away so they could not happen again in their country."

Clint casually paged back up. "I would too. I'm so nagging him about that." He texted Xander. He sent back a shudder and a laugh but the next text had a few simple sentences. He paged back down to add to that. Then he went back to the spot he had been reading.

She took his phone to read. "I would probably not want to remember that either." She handed his phone back.

"I need to be a fussy uncle sort. That way the adorable one is not warped by all that."

She nodded. "Yes, you should. You can teach her better weapons before she believes artillery is for everyone."

"Artillery?" he asked. "Where did she see artillery?"

"In his armory. Just in case something happens."

"I'll have to look when I go back tomorrow." He went back to reading. He paused then sighed and paged down. "Zombie strippers on zebras is worse than the hippos?"

"The hippos are after the strippers."

He looked at her. "You're sure?"

"Yes. You'll see why. That one incident, the one you mentioned, the fruit incident, then the zombie strippers and/or the goats."

He did a word search. The fruit thing made him almost laugh but he felt very sorry for Xander if the slayers heard about that. The rest... he needed a beer. He had to settle for Natasha's new coffee. "Bar?" he asked.

"I'll probably run into more of his former dates since they've heard I've been updating his file by asking some of them."

"Sure," he agreed. "Got anything?"

"In my room."

"Lead on. I heard you switched rooms again." She led him back to her bedroom so they could have a lot of drinks. Xander might just drive him nuts. Clint wasn't *that* insane so it had to be all the extra alcohol their father had drank between them. Or Sunnydale and Rosenburg, one of the two.


Xander opened the door as he walked past it, phone to his ear, Belle being held against his chest while she struggled and whined. He was nodding and grunting into the phone while he carried the baby into the kitchen. Clint closed the door and followed. Xander finally paused and looked at the baby then snorted. "Dude, don't make me put the baby down and take this into the office. You won't like the talk that comes after that. Yeah, I know but I've got a relative here."

"If that's one of the ones that took Natasha to lunch at gunpoint, I'm surprised they have bail," Clint quipped, taking the baby from him. "Is it time for your highchair?"

"Yes," Xander said. "Her oatmeal's in the microwave. Give it thirty seconds. Thanks." He walked off to his office, kicking the door shut with a kick.

Clint got the oatmeal out after it was done, letting her have the spoon. She smiled and stuck her fist into it to lick the oatmeal off. "That's a great idea for kids." Xander came back. "Something worse than the fruit, the goats, or the wedding of doom?"

"You know, I still have her seal.... oh, the one in Asia? Well, kinda. Yeah. One of my ex's is going on a major suicidal binge and he's watching things like _Singles_ while moping and writing my name over and over. I don't know why since we were only together for a few days."

"Are you addicting?" Clint quipped with an evil smirk.

Xander grinned back. "Not really sure." He walked off. "Belle, spoon."

"Dada! Pood!" she yelled after him, sucking some more oatmeal off her fist. "Pood!"

"I'm coming." He came back. "I'll make myself some food once you've eaten, like usual."

Clint stared at him. "Someone asked if I could do an inventory of your armory in case we needed to borrow sometime."

Xander stared at him. "Um.... no." He grinned. "If there's something going on up here, I'd probably be there while Don or someone took Belle out of the city."

"Okay," Clint said. "What do you have that I shouldn't know about?"

"I'm allowed by Presidential order."

Clint nodded. "I read that." Xander grinned. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, seriously. Because I'm pretty sure we'll need some within a year for some reason or another. Not sure if it's yours and that vision or something that I'd usually have to deal with."

"Damn it."

"Yup. Brad got me some things." He smiled.

"This ex wife of yours?"

"Is she alive? The last time I heard the government had killed her for her money making schemes. That was after I had walked off shaking my head and getting back here. I started to get it dissolved but I heard she got killed and her people told me it was all mine." He poured himself some cereal, holding up the box. Clint shook his head. "You sure?"

"I ate in the caf."

"It'd be nice to have someone to cook for me. And her messiness there." He handed over a paper towel, getting a grin from Clint. "You helped her make the mess."

"I did." He cleaned her up. Then he put her down.

She went to beg her father for some of his breakfast then ran to look outside. "Baba! Dada!"

"Tell the bad guy or whatever I'm eating. It's going to be at least thirty minutes. If they have a gun you can get it from them, dear."

"Baba! Mine!" she squealed.

"Xander," a male British voice complained.

"Yay," he called back. "I'm eating."

"Fine." He carried Belle in there, taking his gun back from her to put back into his ankle holster, the only one she ever went for on him, and handed her back. "Your sort called in a possible attack? The report was rather skimpy."

"Wasn't my vision," Xander said. "Who had it?"

"I don't know. It wasn't included."

Xander called Giles, putting the phone back between his shoulder and ear. "You guys called in a report to MI-6? It was missing stuff." He handed over the phone and went back to his breakfast. Belle got another bite and grinned at him.

"So, she's got a fifty-fifty chance of being right," the agent said blandly. "She's called in two there before."

"You guys complained because you didn't find the attack last time," Xander said dryly. "They've been attacking the foundation of that sorority to get women out of the revered halls because women are not the sort that should be in those hallowed halls," Xander said in direct imitation. "Them and the former Council people both think that women are worthless for more than cheap sex that they have to pay for and bearing babies from cheap sex. And having a cold wife that you lock in another part of the house for show to prove to society you like women." He ate a bite of cereal.

The agent looked at him. "All women at Lord's College?"

"All women at any college," Xander said. "Anything like a high school, a middle school.... to them, women should be ignorant and have spread ankles whenever ordered to but should protest because they're 'good girls' and not sluts."

"Ah, that sort," the agent said. "Just that one college this time?" he asked the phone. "Thank you, Mr. Giles. You have a pleasant day as well." He hung up and handed the phone back then removed Belle from his ankle holster again. "You may not teeth on the butt of my gun, Belle." Xander handed her his spoon, making her cackle as she tried to dig the gun out. "Or do that. Thank you, Xander." He handed the baby back.

"Bye," she said, waving.

"Bye," he said patiently, waving back so he could leave.

Clint smiled. "She's such a card."

"Yes she is. Quite often." He looked at her. "Go get your doll? Please?"

"No!" she said with a sweet smile. "Baba!" She pointed the spoon.

Clint took the spoon. "Show me the bad thing, Belle. Let me see it." She ran off and he followed. "Xander, she's back."

"The sorceress?"

"Wrong batty redhead with an issue."

"Willow should be in another country before Homeland gets her. She's on the terrorist watch list now."

Clint said that to her. "I fixed that," she sneered.

The British agent walked up behind her and grabbed her by the arm. "Miss Rosenburg, so we meet again." He walked her off. "Let's go talk about your role in how some agents became animals again last week."

"It wasn't me!" She struggled.

"If you keep it up, I will knock you out," he offered. "You will wake up somewhere that not even Xander can save you from." She tried to magic him but he had learned about anti-magic protections. She tried another one. "That will not work." Two cars sped up and stopped, discharging agents. "Gentlemen."

"Sir, you're with...."

"MI-6. We need to have a talk with her about some agents who are now animals."

"As do we. Can we share?"

"Yes. I believe we can. Are you warded against her magic addiction?"

"Yes, we are. Most of us have went to people to have them permanently inked on."

"My wife's one and she made sure I'm fully protected even against this witch," the other Homeland agent said.

Xander walked out with a heavy gun in hand, looking around. "Guys, take her and go please. Clint, please grab Belle. She goes in the wardrobe in her room." He spotted it. "Move!" he shouted. The agents ran with Willow.

"I can help!" she shrieked. "It's my job, not Xander's!"

"Shut up, Willow. It's coming for your ass anyway." The demon appeared, staring at him. "You're on the wrong plane."

"The witch is ours," he sneered.

"Too bad but we need her to turn the agents back from animals. Now, can you go and wait your turn? I think there's a few governments in front of you."

"Pity. Move, Knight." Xander sneered. "That will not harm me."

Xander snorted. "You sure?" The demon moved closer, manifesting a sword. "Clint, could use my axe maybe."

"Sure," he agreed, coming out with his bow, tossing Xander his axe. He pointed an arrow at the demon. "It's explosive. You will lose."

The demon stared at him. "Are you his newest date?" he asked politely.

"No, I'm his half-brother."

"Oh," he said, staring at him. "Oh, dear."

Xander grinned. "A few of them have said we're a bit alike."

"Yes, you are. It's unfortunate you'll both die. Is the baby safely stored in her special wardrobe?"

Xander stared at him then shot him in the nuts. "Why?" The demon was whining. "I've killed two of you in the last five years for wanting me. You're next." The demon lunged. Clint shot him, and it hurt him but Xander beheaded him. The head started to grow a new body. Xander lit them on fire. The demon shrieked but it burned up. "Bye now," he said with a grin and a wave. "You have a great future life. Before I do something magical and make you Willow's future kid."

"You will not!" Willow shrieked.

Clint threw something at her head, knocking her out. "Welcome," he quipped with a grin. "Have fun with her. SHIELD would like her when you're done."

"Sure," they agreed. "Who're you?"

"Clint Barton. I'm with SHIELD."

"Oh," the MI-6 agent said dryly. "I've heard about you." Clint grinned. "Nice work in Switzerland last year."

"I had to be a bit creative but it all worked out in the end."

Xander looked at him. "Was that when I had to set that fire?" he asked.

"No, that was a week later," the British agent said dryly. "Though we would like to talk to you about your former wives."

Xander looked at him. "I don't consider myself more than a wanted paramour. I'd never go to a real marriage tied up. If they can't woo me first, then they're not worthy of me." He waved a hand in the air.

"Good point of view with some of the ones you've dated, but we'd like to know if they're alive."

"As far as I know, all four of the ex's who decided I liked bondage during rituals are all dead."

"Including Bert?" one of the other agents asked.

Xander nodded, smirking at him. "Yes. I'm quite sure he's gone. He nicely took me on a honeymoon to his mining operation. There had been a big sieve to sort things....."

"Enough said," Clint said dryly. "I saw that mess." He patted Xander on the back. "I'll see if Natasha likes to date."

"She said she doesn't date casually."

"Not usually. I'll see if she'll make an exception." He patted him again. "Go get the baby?"

"Sure. She loves my axe." He leaned into the house. "Belle, it's okay. You can come out now." She ran down the few stairs and pounced him, cooing at his axe. He carried her out, letting her pet it and kiss it a few times.

Clint smiled. "That's so adorable." He took footage with his phone. "Belle?" She looked at him. "This is a bow. It's my bow. Would you like to learn about bows?" She cooed and jumped at him until he caught her to teach her about his bow and how bows worked. She kissed it too. She loved her weapons. All the agents smiled at her for it. Willow was glaring as she woke up but the agents stuffed her into a car and drove her off to deal with her again.


Clint walked back onto his post in New Mexico a few days later, handing his phone to Coulson as he walked past him.

He found the new videos and watched them, a hint of a smile on his face. "She's great. Did you get your bow back?"

"It took me a few hours but yes I did. She still has one of my regular arrows."

"Wonderful." He watched the other videos, nodding slightly at one of them. "If he's dating them at the moment, we really should save the baby from them."

Clint looked at him. "They all think she's *adorable*. They'd love to protect her for Xander for a few days if necessary and most of them are willing to adopt her if they end up with Xander in a more permanent manner. But he has noted that leading him to the altar in chains or ropes means he'll destroy them and then play grieving widow. The more they've pissed him off, the worse he is to their network of people. There's been four of those but most people learned after the first."

"Wonderful of him." He watched the last video, cracking a real smile but clearing it off quickly. "How did she not catch you filming that?"

"Hidden camera. She thinks she got all the footage erased." He smirked. "She also sent back a note to the batty sorceress on Asgard to tell her Xander had been claimed." He took his phone back before walking off.

"Hopefully that will help."

"Homeland has Rosenburg."


"She turned some MI-6 agents into animals again."

"Charming," he said sarcastically, walking after his agent to see if he had anything else to report. "You were not in New York yesterday?"

"Xander told me how to get to his old house in Sunnydale. It was still standing, barely, and had a few things in there. I got the pictures and made sure it was true."

"I ran the DNA," Coulson said quietly. "Can you two be congenial?"

"Yeah, we get along great." He grinned. "Belle still wants Natasha to flirt with him." He smirked. "She crawled up in Nat's lap and cuddled her then patted her chest and grinned at her father like 'look, dad, boobs'. Natasha was not amused but Belle cuddled into them and looked up at her then called her mama. She freaked so hard but Xander saved her from the cuddly baby. When she came back from the bathroom and calming down, Belle cuddled her and cooed at her, patting her until Natasha read to her.

"She would not leave Natasha alone. She tried to go home with her, tried to play with her guns, tried to get her naked for her dad." Coulson cracked another smile. "Nat praised her for getting her bra undone without letting her realize it but Xander was just embarrassed. Xander had to tell his daughter that he liked being wooed and hunted, not having them delivered naked to him by his daughter. Natasha said she'd tell a few that might interest him. He thanked her."

"You can do the same if you know someone."

Clint looked at him. "Remember that guy in the mine?"


"He decided Xander wanted to marry him. That was Xander's way of dealing with him."

"Ah." He walked off nodding. "Did you get him to do a report for his files?"

"No. It got to the point where I might be horrified or have to best him."

"Please don't," Coulson ordered. "Go back to your post, Barton."

"Yes, sir," he quipped, heading up there.

Coulson sent an email to Natasha to get a report on what had happened. She sent back a 'I am not putting it into any record, please erase any footage' from her. He'd have to talk to her later.


Xander heard the bad thing happening and grimaced. This was horrible. He had to call in an SOS. He went to see Don. Don was not happy today. He was scowling when Xander walked in. "Oh, please no," Don begged.

"I've got to go stop some idiots."

"I'm in the middle of a serial killer."

Xander looked then shrugged. "She likes the bar on eighth. She lives near there and she likes to start her hunting night there. She might still be in the closet."

"Thanks," he said with a smirk. "She try you?"

"She pissed me off when I was getting bad news about my half brother."


"Mind control spell."

Don took the baby from him. "How bad?"

"If we can't stop it, we're going to have an invasion here in the city and I'll expect her to be somewhere other than LA or Cleveland if you can?"

"I can do that."

Xander kissed Belle on the head. "Be good for Cousin Don. Daddy's going to save Unclie Clint and beat the shit out of the guy who thinks he'd make a great husband."

"Nana?" she asked, eyes wide.

"I'll get her if I can." She smiled. He patted her on the head. "Thanks, Don. Three weeks. You'll hear from me before tomorrow night." He left after handing over her diaper bag. He had a flight waiting and two ex's who were helping him. Because they didn't want to be slaves of the aliens or Loki either. They couldn't handle it but they were sure Xander could.


Xander found the idiot's camp and sneered. "No, not today." He killed the guards. They were probably controlled but he knew how much you remembered and hated yourself for it. He blatantly walked in and threw some sleeping gas grenades. He heard a clap and smirked, bowing some. "Bitch," he said in Norse. "You have my family. I want him back now."

"I doubt that will work," Loki sneered back. "Though I have a use for you."

Xander pulled something out and flashed him, making him scream. "The things you learn from a real viking chick who used to torture men," he sneered. "And you're not good enough for anyone in my family." He grabbed Clint when he attacked, slamming him into the wall and hitting him with the shot in his pocket. Clint struggled but he went out. You were never at your best when you're under mind control. Xander tapped his earpiece. "Now," he ordered. They ran in and one fired on Loki to keep him busy. He grabbed something and came out to grab Clint, walking off. "Don't touch my family again, Loki. You're not worthy of my family." He let the people he was working with get the scientists. "Guys, protect the geeks. They're under control."

"Yes, Xander," they reported.

Xander carried Clint off. "Let's go talk, bro. Belle's going to be very disappointed. She's still looking for someone to flirt with you." He put him into the plane. Clint came up fighting but Xander knocked him back down. "No, let's not do this. Belle will be *very* disappointed at me for this." The plane took off. "The others?" he called.

"Going to another safe house that SHIELD is putting up," the pilot said. "We're going to the place in New York, sir."

"Great. Anyone make other reports?"

"Not yet. The one with them?"

"Loki? Guy who thinks I'd be a great wife," he said dryly. "His dad too."

"Oh, dear."

"Yeah." He checked Clint, handcuffing him. Clint tried to struggle but Xander smothered him a bit until he passed back out.


Xander looked over as someone walked into the warehouse he had rented. "Hey, Fury. There's my girl." He took her from Natasha with a grin. "Thanks. I'm still working on clearing the full infestation of Loki."

"We've gotten it from the others," she said. She walked over to where Clint was hanging upside down by his ankles. "Why is he upside down?"

"He told me how he'd be molesting me and then handing me to the rest of his security team then to Loki as a tribute." He rolled his eyes. "Loki and his father are both fucked in the head." He looked at his daughter. "Are you okay? Did you like Unclie Don?" She snuggled in. "I missed you too." He cuddled her, staring at Clint. "There's only three methods I haven't tried yet. The concussion method to knock some sense into his brain, or there's two other depossession rites."

"Can we try those first?" Fury asked dryly.

Xander looked at the baby then handed her to Fury before moving closer to work on the first one. He couldn't do anything to her with him standing right there. Clint screamed and fought but only some of the infection came out. Xander tried the second then nodded. Nothing. He grabbed a padded baseball bat and hit Clint on the head. "So we'll go with the pinata method," he said. Clint got knocked cold again and blinked at him. "Do I need to hit you again because you still want to rape me and give me to Loki as a tribute?"

"Xander?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah," he said dryly. "You back?" Clint blinked, rubbing his head. "Let me let you down."

"What did you do to me?" he asked. He yelped as he got lowered, catching himself on his hands. He unhooked his feet, noticing Natasha and Fury. "Sir? Tasha?"

"Loki," she said. He stiffened. "You're fine, Clint. He managed to free you."

Clint rubbed his head. "Is that why I have a headache?"

"Yup," Xander said with a grin. "It's the last method of clearing a mind that's been taken over. I tried sixteen different possession banishing rites first."

Clint blinked at him. "Thanks."

Xander grinned. "Welcome. Natasha, Sylvia's people have the scientists."

"They called," she said. "Thank you."

"He might still find someone to make his machine," Xander warned. "Because I saw the damn invasion again." He took Belle back. She reached for Clint. "Let him rest. He has a headache, sweetie."

Clint reached for her to cuddle. "Your daddy's mean." She cooed and petted down his sweaty hair. "Thanks, Belle."

Xander squatted down, looking at him. "It's normal to have urges, flashbacks, and really bad ideas," he said in Russian, staring at him. "The Goddess knows I did after the hyena took me over. I had a ton of urges to deal with people who annoyed me by beheading them with my teeth."

Clint blinked, nodding. "Good to know."

"If they happen, you can come talk to me. Okay?"

"Yeah, I get that." Xander stood up and helped him up.

Xander took Belle back. Clint realized he had been clinging to her. "Want to go have a beer?"

"Yeah, I do, but I think I need to be debriefed," Clint said, sounding a bit hoarse.

Xander grinned. "If that's what you and the paranoid nutjob director do in his office, that's okay. I accept that choice of yours and we'll welcome him into the family as long as he quits trying to put listening devices in my house."

Clint swatted him on the arm, shaking his head. "Not that way, Xander. I don't think he's had some for years."

Fury snorted. "You'd be shocked, Barton." He stared at him. "Anything that I need to hear right this second?"

"He's making a device to open the tesseract to bring aliens here to invade."

Xander nodded. "I saw an invasion."

Natasha looked at him. "I saw the notes you made on it. If we should have one, please step in wherever you think it's most beneficial and we'll take the weapons later. The slayers as well. I'm sure you can act as a small team."

Xander grinned. "Thanks."

Belle squealed. "Baba!" she said with a point.

Xander looked at the moving shadow and nodded. "That is." He handed her to Natasha. "Here, hold her." Loki appeared and Xander shot something at him, making him laugh and capture it. Xander set off the electrical component. Loki yelped and let it drop. "Morning. Welcome back to Earth."

"You are not worthy of one such as me, no matter what my father wants."

"Your father's a dick sucking woose," Xander said dryly. "With a lot more mental issues than a lot of witches I know."

Loki smirked. "He has never sucked dick that I know of."

"You'd be shocked at some of the rumors she told me about."

"How did you know one of us?"

"I used to date Anyanka."

Loki shivered. "She was a woman I could have appreciated."

"I nearly married her."

Loki smirked. "Maybe you're worthy of one of us."

Xander snorted. "You're not worthy of me. I require *skills* beyond being a badass."

"Yet you wanted my minion?" Loki snorted.

"No, he's my half-brother." Loki smirked and hummed. Xander shifted his stance. "What did you want?"

"I will have what I want."

Xander laughed. "There's plenty here that won't let you."

"Mere mortals can not stop me."

Xander laughed, a chilling sound. "Who says we're mere mortals, Loki? Do you really think I'm a mere mortal?" The god stared at him. Xander stared back. "Really?" He looked at something he pulled out of his pocket and snapped it closed. His phone rang. "Giles, I'm looking at Loki. He wants to invade the world with his alien army. Yes, for real, Giles. Like that vision? That was his plan. Here where I am. I know Willow's back, Giles. They told me she was." He hung up. Willow appeared with Buffy.

"Girls? You think to fight me with *girls*?" Loki laughed.

Willow glared. "Who're you calling a girl, Mister? This is the senior slayer Buffy." Loki snorted, looking at her. "And I'm Willow." She cast at him. Buffy moved to fight him.

Xander looked at Natasha. "Take her, take Clint, go," he ordered quietly. "He's going to try for one of them. Guard what's really important. Because her mom? Not exactly the most normal thing either." She nodded, helping Clint up and out with Fury covering them and getting agents to help move them. Xander walked over and kicked open a case. He walked back bouncing something in his hand. "Move," he ordered. Buffy and Willow both flinched but dove out of the way. He threw that at Loki, making him scream. Xander smirked coldly. "Hi. How are you today?" He stared at him. "By the way, that's a magic eater. The nanites in that were meant to be used on Willow to keep her from doing magic on someone." He stared at him. "I don't think you're going to be doing much for the next day or so."

"You had someone build that?" Willow demanded.

"No. I stole it from the guy who built it." He looked at Loki again. "So, what the fuck do you want with my family again?"

"Family?" Willow and Buffy asked.

Xander stared at Buffy. "You need to go guard someone else." He pointed. "Now." Willow sent her off. Xander looked at Fury, who had some of his weapons. Then he looked at Loki again. "Do you really think you're going to win?"

"Of course I will. I can disappear. My magic isn't like hers."

"No but I'm standing right here," Willow said, flashing magic at him to stop him from moving. That brought a lot of the coven.

"Witches?" Loki laughed. "You think to stop my magnificence with mere witches?"

"Mister, some of us have nearly destroyed this world," Willow said coldly. "We're not mere anythings." Loki stared at her. "I doubt we'd give you Xander."

"I can destroy everyone," he offered.

"I have three weapons within a block of here that I can borrow to do the same damn thing," Xander said dryly. "Yay!"

Loki stared at him. "You are more than I thought." He moved forward. "You could do much in my army."

Xander snorted, smirking at him. "I'd take over your army and fuck you up with them. Why would I want your pathetic army? I have higher demons who're willing to give me more for less of a commitment. Yawn, dude. You're not impressing me."

"Someone like my brother would impress you more?"

"Nope. Thor's much too clean boy for my tastes." He stared at him. "You're not bad boy enough for me either. Hell, if I wasn't related to Clint, Belle would've adored me dating him." He stared at him. "You're all smoke and mirrors and mental issues. I don't need more issues in my life." He walked off. "Ladies, this is Loki. By my last vision, he's going to have us invaded by his alien other-dimensional army."

"I don't think that's very polite," one of the coven said dryly. "He's not even a good clean bad boy. Pity." The witches and Willow worked together against him.

Someone pounded the door in and stomped in. "Unhand him," Thor ordered. "I am to take him back to face justice."

Xander looked at Thor. "Stand down, Shiny." Thor stared at him. "He kidnaped and mentally coerced my half-brother. He's ours first because we protect this realm. We work with slayers."

"My father...."

Xander snorted, staring at him. "Don't make me start on your dad again, Thor. I'm already having a bad day and do I really need to deal with you as well? You can have him back in a few days. After we stop the upcoming invasion. All right?"

"I would not have him tortured," he said firmly.

Willow looked at him. "Shut up." She waved a hand and turned him into a half man, half puppy. "Aww, the slayers would love you."

"He's Thor," Xander said dryly. "He's a warrior of Asgard. Yes, they would. I'd actually like a few of them to date someone nice like Thor. Though, turn him back before we start a war with his father, Odin."

She huffed but undid the spell. "Fine. Whatever. Let's deal with this threat. I have a date." She looked at Loki, changing him into a baby black goat. She picked him up and carried him off.

"Don't let anyone eat him like they nearly did me," Xander called after her. The coven all shuddered but followed Willow to calm her down. Xander looked at Thor and pointed. "That's Willow, the one the Enchantress reminded me of."

"I can see why. They do look alike," Thor said. "I should save him."

"Give it a few days. Let her get tired of cleaning up after a goat and turn him back."

Thor grimaced. "I would still rather have him be around so I could make sure he is not overly tortured."

"Willow's going to the hellmouth in Cleveland. The main slayer house is there."

"I can get you there," Fury promised. He looked at Harris. "Who the fuck are you?"

Xander grinned. "Just Xander. Ask Buffy and Willow."

"How in the hell did you do all this?"

"I asked a few of my ex's for help. They like that I have nice family that they can try to talk into giving permission to seriously woo me. A lot of them are very old fashioned that way. If I'm more than a one-night stand to them, then they'd need family approval and didn't want to ask Willow, Giles, or Buffy."

Fury rubbed his eyepatch then looked at Thor then back at Xander. "So your ex's all did this?"


"Aren't you supposed to be protecting humanity, Harris?" he demanded.

"I protect humanity from demons just fine, Fury. There's plenty of agents who protect people from my ex's." He walked off. "The ex that's CIA will probably be here soon to clean things up with a fire." He grabbed a few things and walked off then came back for the rest of the weapons. "Just in case I need them," he quipped before walking off.

Thor looked so confused. "He was not that angry when he was on Asgard as a hostage."

Fury looked at him. "He hasn't had sex recently apparently." He walked off. "C'mon. I'll get you to Cleveland so I can go capture Rosenburg before she destroys the world again."

"Thank thee for the ride, Director Fury." He followed him. "Has anyone heard from the Lady Jane Foster recently?"

The two minions in the corner who had taped all this for everyone else looked at each other. Xander really needed some sex. And maybe even some spoiling. Since Belle was out of the area for her own safety.... Their boss might like that.


Xander looked up from the massage table. "What?" he asked Natasha.

"How did you do all that?"

"Do all what?"

She snorted. "Don't play dumb. I hate it when your brother does that."

Xander grinned. "I do it the same way your boss does only I don't pay my contacts, I owe them favors."

"You would exchange *favors* for such things?" she asked.

"I'm a practical man, Agent Romanoff. Do you really think I'm going to balk at getting a great massage because the guy who helped me rescue my brother wants to have dinner, some dancing, and then some sex?"

"No." She stared at him. "The baby is at daycare." Xander grinned. "We have guards on her, on Summers, and on the goat of Loki. His brother is still not amused."

"Neither was I." He went back to his massage. "I'll pick her up for dinner."

"Thank you." She left, going to report that to Fury and Clint. "He has a date tonight due to owing someone a favor to free Clint."

"I don't want him to do that," Clint said.

"He said he didn't mind."

"Still!" He texted Xander, who sent back 'he was getting all the good out of it, including sex'. "Okay," he decided, putting his phone up. "Sir?"

"I'd like you to go calm your brother down but I doubt you can do that, Barton," he said dryly.

"Why? We can't," Willow said as she appeared. Natasha knocked her out since she was behind her.

"Thank you," Fury said. "That's very helpful. What do we know?"

"There's a trigger within the tesseract. They needed stuff to activate it," Clint said. Fury nodded. "He had almost everything outside of what's in one vault in Germany. He was going to get me an eyeball so I could break into that vault for him. Then we were going to go to the helicarrier."

Fury considered that. "As a diversion?"

"That and to take out the people who could stop him."

"Who does he have now?" Natasha asked.

"Banner, and we need him back," Fury said.

"Xander had to use a bat to Barton's head," Natasha said. "Can we manage to shake him the same way, or would his alter ego help perhaps?"

"That might," Fury said, considering it. Coulson walked in with a certain baby cooing at him. "Why do you have her?"

"Because two of Harris' former dates attacked the daycare to try to snatch her. They took down the agents watching her."

"He's at the spa in Midtown," Natasha said. "He has a date tonight with the person who helped him get Barton free. He's expecting dinner, dancing, and probably a request for sex. Or so he hopes at least."

Clint's phone rang with a text message. He smirked. "Xander said his date texted him pouting and Xander said he fully expected dinner and sex and would pout if he didn't offer to feed him so they could have sex. He agreed it was a great thing and they set dinner plans as a picnic on his roof and then a lot of sex."

"I'll find the device scanner," Coulson said. The baby leaned over until Natasha had to catch her. "Fine, if she'll hold you." He went to get the scanner.

Belle looked at this nice lady, smiling at her. "Dada?"

"No I am not going to flirt with your father today, dear. He's busy today." Belle pouted. "He's getting spoiled." Belled huffed but wiggled until Clint could take her. She climbed up to pet his hair for him again and slobber kisses on his ear.

He smiled. "I like you too, Belle."

"Now if only you two weren't related," Fury said dryly. "She'd have a built in dad and mom."

"Xander's tougher than I like them, sir," Clint shot back with a dirty look. "He has to do way too many jobs in a row."


"Baba," Belle said, staring at him. "Ass."

Fury smirked at her. "Don't pick up your father's bad habits, kid. I can spank you."

"And her dad would have your guts strung all over this room," Clint said impatiently. "He's made sure *everyone* knows that." Fury sent a mock-hit towards the baby and Xander suddenly appeared behind him with a knife to stab him in the throat. "Xander!" Clint shouted.

Xander glared at Fury, knife to his throat. "Do you think you matter enough to me to make me not kill you if you try to hurt my baby girl? Really?" He stared at him. "There's plenty to take your place, and most of the Council likes a few of them better." He grinned. "Capice?" He took his daughter to look at. "Are you okay?"

"Baba," she said with a point at Fury.

"Yes, he is. That's very smart. Come help Daddy be spoiled?"

"No!" She grinned and shook her head. "Cli!" She pointed at him.

"Awww! That's so sweet that you know his name!" He kissed her on the nose and nuzzled her forehead. "Such a smart little girl. I think he's busy today though. So come help Daddy be spoiled. We have a date later."

"Ooooh." They disappeared.

Clint grinned. "I like the hellion. She's a sweet kid."

"I don't like children and I find her the same," Natasha agreed. Her phone beeped. "Someone else agreed with me but I thought we had him in custody." Fury glared. "You did threaten his child." She looked at Clint again. "Are you all right?"

"I've passed all the evals. I've had the two brain scans. I've went through an attempt at deprogramming just in case. I'm good. He's right, I do have a few flashes now and then, but he said that they calm down."

"They do," she agreed with a slight smile. "Who programmed him?"

"Apparently he got possessed once by a hyena."

"Oh, dear," she said, blinking a few times. "Fully?"

"From what he said? Yes. The others in the pack ate a human. He helped them eat the school mascot pig."

"Interesting." Clint smiled and nodded. "Huh." Phil came back with the scanner and did the office, finding two but neither that would lead back to the one who had texted Natasha. Clint got sent into the air ducts to flush him out. Natasha and Coulson went to make a plan to get the remaining scientists Loki had hostage free.


Xander was limply squashed onto the couch the next day when Natasha walked into his house. Belle was playing nicely with some cars on the floor. She walked over in front of him. "How would you get Dr. Bruce Banner out of that mess?"

"The Hulk?" She nodded. "That's your answer."

"That could cause a lot of damage to people we cannot afford to lose."

"Then sleep gas everyone and set him off once you've cleared the area if the gas doesn't do it for you. Or have Thor fight an epic battle against the green guy."

"I can consider that. Sleep gas?"

"I prefer it." He smiled. "I know my only superpower is being super annoying at times."

"Hmm. That's an idea. We can make some fast acting gas." She looked at the baby petting her boots. "I like those as well. When you're older, you can find very nice boots of your own."

"Don't remind me she'll be shopping like a slayer some day. I need to save some money up before then."

"You don't have any of the reparations from your former spouses saved?" He shook his head. "Why not?"

"Not like Giles would give me money to feed their villages," he said dryly. "Or buy them non-slayer usual weapons that they needed." She grimaced. "I used it well, but I'm living on my paycheck. I use anything like that to up the armory."

"It is a good selection. I did take something that didn't work. It had been cannibalized."

"I saw." He smiled. "Have fun with the green guy."

"I can probably do that." She left, going to work on that suggestion. It wasn't a bad one. Banner might change due to the gas but they could lead him outside. Thor could easily knock him in the head if he had to. It might just work. They went on that raid. Loki was still a goat but his people that he had in control were good enough to handle some things without him. If they had to, they could bat them all on the head until they were normal. It could be very stress relieving.


Thor was on the ground, a sweaty wreck. The Hulk was laying down with a hand on his head groaning. Thor looked at the mess they had made of his brother's facility then at the people who had stayed out of the way. "Is he back to normal?"

"We won't know until he's human again," Natasha said quietly. She helped him up. "We have medics, Thor." She pointed. "They take care of injuries."

"I could use a shower," he admitted, walking that way.

Hulk got up, wobbling some. "Puny...." he got out. Thor threw his hammer and hit Hulk on the head, knocking him back down. "Hulk has ow." The hammer went flying back to his master, who looked a bit pleased with himself.

Willow appeared. "Why did I get summoned?"

"No one yanked your chain," Fury noted. "So I don't know, Rosenburg."

She glared at him. "There's others to do your job. We like Coulson. Hell, I might even put up with Hill near my slayers."

"Since when are you the head of the Council?" Fury shot back.

"Since when do you think Giles does all that stuff?"

"We think Harris does it," Fury said dryly. "We're pretty damn sure he does actually."

She gaped. "He does not!" she shrieked. She tried to yank Xander but it wasn't going to work.

"There's a federal restraining order on you doing magic on Harris or his daughter," Fury said smugly. "I can arrest you for that."

"Sure, Director Bunny Rabbit, you can do that."

Natasha looked at her. "Willow, please stop it. We have just had a battle. We are not in the mood for an argument." She stared at her. Willow huffed but stuck her nose in the air. "Why were you summoned?"

"I don't know!" Someone shot at her but she stopped it. "You're going to pay for that!" she noted, raising a hand and staring at the direction of the bullet.

"If you hit anyone beyond the one who shot at your ass, you're a dead witch," Fury said, stomping over to her.

Thor looked over. "That is not how you get a rogue magic user to do anything," he told the medic tending his injuries.

"I am not a rogue!" Willow shouted, glaring at him. "I'm not!"

"Rogues are ones who harm those who have not done anything," he said blandly. "I should know. My brother tends to be one sometimes."

She glared harder. "I'm not a rogue and if you brother, whoever that is, is then that's his mother's problem. She clearly didn't work right on him."

"My brother is Loki, Witch, watch your tone." She snorted in derision so Thor grabbed his hammer. He could fight off magic. He had many times in the past. This would be a battle worthy of epic poem glorification.

Xander appeared with Belle, who was blinking at things. "Baba!" she said, sounding strange.

"Yeah, it is," he agreed, handing the baby to Natasha again. "Can you please make sure Willow doesn't magic her again?" He slipped his own pendant over the baby's head. "Let me handle this shit before it gets out of hand," he muttered, walking over there. "Hi, Council Problem Solving Unit," he said dryly, making Willow flinch right before he hit her. "Thank you for your cooperation in not causing a war with another planet, Willow. I don't think the slayers really want to go to war with Asgard's warriors. They might treat them like pets. That would totally destroy the warriors' egos to the point where they'd never be able to fight again."

He looked at Thor. "Yes, she's like that. Always. She has been since she found magic and before then she was always right because she was really smart and my former best friend." He shrugged. "Just treat her like the wench she's acting like and ignore the magic unless you end up furry or scaley, okay?" He smiled and walked back to get his daughter, who was laughing. "Let's go, whoever brought us here to stop Willow." He got sent home with the baby. He groaned, looking at her. "You will never turn out like her or Buffy. You're not that sort of girl." He walked her into the kitchen to feed her.

"I think it's nice he considers me good enough to protect his daughter," Natasha said. "Though a bit disturbing. I could have taken out Rosenburg."

"You would've shot her and that would've put her out of the world's misery until we needed a really strong witch for something," Fury said dryly. "That's the only reason she's still alive."

Natasha nodded, putting plastic cuffs on Willow's limp wrists. "That does make sense. We need her to close things." She looked at Thor. "She probably meant the insult but she's an untrained, egotistical witch," she said bluntly. "She has no idea and doesn't want to know. She's pulled things that make other witches look at her like she was infected with her goddess."

"There are many of those in life," Thor said. "As her friend knows because he was captured by one."

"Yeah, about her. Do we know anything about her in case she shows up down here?" Fury asked. "Like a name?"

"They call her the Enchantress. She is powerful. She's not powerful in the same way as my brother but she does have quite a bit of power and desires certain things. She has in the past turned whole units of warriors into female warriors because they were bothering her. She will usually help a female in distress if asked though."

"Why would she want someone like Xander Harris?" Natasha asked.

"She would require her mate to be a warrior who could withstand magic if it got out of hand and to help her rule her lands. From what I saw of him, he could probably do so. Especially if he could deal with this witch. The Enchantress is much more charming and sweet than this witch seems to be. We have not yet found out how she knew about him."

"Would his ex who had been Norse but was a vengeance demon perhaps be a cause?" Natasha asked.

Thor tipped his head. "Aye, there's been a few of those who the sorcerers and sorceresses have used over the centuries. Which one?"

"Anyanka. Xander dated her and nearly married her when she lost her job for a bit. She died in the battle of Sunnydale with the First Evil," Fury said.

"He left her at the altar because he said he was told how miserable they would be."

Thor considered it then nodded. "That could well be. The Enchantress would help a woman in distress as Anyanka used to. She was old enough to remember our people as well if what I heard of her is correct."

"He said she was a viking woman," Natasha said. "She taught him Norse."

"He has a bad accent with it," Thor said with a slight smile. "But a decent enough vocabulary for a language that's no longer spoken here." Willow moaned but Thor knocked her back out. "I do not wish to tangle with witches today. I have enough of that with my brother." He heard the Hulk moan and looked over. He was slowly turning back. "It seems we can find out if he was cured."

Fury walked over but Natasha held up a hand. She was less threatening seeming and wouldn't set him into a panic. She walked over to stare down at him. "Doctor Banner?" He blinked at her. "I'm Agent Romanoff with SHIELD. You were recently compromised by someone using mind control. Can you tell me if you're still under the control of Loki or not?"

He made himself sit up, rubbing his forehead. "Loki?" He blinked at her, wobbling some. "Why do I have a headache?"

"We tested methods on others he had under control. The best and easiest way to clear it has been cognitive realignment," she said with a slight smile. "You got knocked in the head, yes," she said when he found the lump and winced at touching it. "Are you still under his control, Dr. Banner?"

He shook his head. "I remember a blue glow.... a cube... Where's the cube?" He looked around. "It's dangerous."

"It's safely in custody," she said calmly. "We have it back, Dr. Banner. We have Loki in custody as well, though he is a baby goat thanks to one of the witches at the Council." She pointed at Willow's body.

He blinked at her. "I hate that stuff."

"As do we," she said with a slight smile. She helped him up and got him a blanket to put over the torn clothes. "How is your head?"

"It's sore. What happened?"

"We'll debrief you back at SHIELD then let you run," Fury told him. "Not to pen you in or anything but we need to compare what you saw with what the other doctors he had under control."

Bruce blinked a few times. "I shouldn't."

"You should," Natasha said. "Because someone at the Council had visions about Loki using the cube to start an alien invasion of New York that we would have to fight off."

"We?" he asked.

"We. Some of SHIELD, some of the Avengers Initiative members. You as well."

He nodded. "I'm not that noble, Agent Romanoff."

"Yes but you wouldn't like to see humanity decimated by aliens either," she said bluntly.

"No, I wouldn't."

"Plus, we have Stark on speed dial as he's part of the Initiative," she offered with a slight smile. "I know he's wanted to pick your brain a bit."

"After I don't have the headache. The one time I've met Stark, he was a bit bouncy."

"He still is." She walked him over to the medics. They checked his head over, gave him tylenol, an ice pack, and a jumpsuit to put on. "We'll have better clothes once we get back," she said. He nodded at that. "Have you met Thor?"

Thor shook his hand. "It was a mighty battle we fought, Doctor Banner. I'm glad I could cure you of my brother's foul desires."

"Thank you for that." He looked outside at some movement. "Are they agents?" he asked.

She looked and shook her head. "I believe they're minions. Director?" She pointed. He looked and stomped over to stop the minions. Who tazed him and took Willow anyway. Natasha's phone rang. She looked at the message. "Xander said if he has to come rescue Willow, he's going to have to pout. He'll expect presents for having to come rescue her," she said loudly enough that the minions heard.

"We wanted to drain some of her magic for a special battery for a weapon," one called. "We'll give her back tomorrow." They fled with her before anyone could stop them.

Natasha texted that back to Xander's phone. "Fine, he'll get her tomorrow then." She sat down.

"Who was that?" Bruce asked.

"That was Willow Rosenburg, head witch for the Council."

"Oh, great. So we'll have pissed off slayers?" he asked her.

"No. They're presently not really enamored of her. She's the reason that Loki is presently a little, whiny, black goat however."

"My mother would throw fits about such things but he did deserve it this time," Thor said. "I believe the goat may fit him well if he grows to normal goat size."

"He's a baby goat. We'll be lucky if she didn't mess up the magic and make him an infant human as well," Natasha said dryly. "She is known for such accidents. Which is why the whole Council presently hates her."

Thor nodded. "I feel not much affection for her myself." He shook his head.

Bruce put the ice pack against his head. "I think I need a nap. The Council is enough to give me a headache on a good day."

"That child?" Thor asked Natasha. "Whose is she?"

"Xander's. He had donated seed to a bank for women who wanted children but had none available for whatever reason. Her mother ended up with cancer and died shortly after she was born."

"That is tragic. He does good with her?"

"Yes. She's an adorable, smart, fussy little girl," she said with a smile. "She keeps trying to get me to flirt with her father."

"She was pretty." He stared at her. "How does a man raise a child on his own?"

"Very well in his case."

"Huh. That's excellent and a reason the Enchantress might not want him after all. I will spread such news."

She smiled. "For some reason he thinks I can protect her from things if I'm there."

"He'd never give the baby to Fury. He'd probably worry about what he'd do to her," Bruce said quietly. "I've heard things about him in the past."

She patted him on the hand holding the ice pack. "The rest of SHIELD is not like that. He is an old war horse in many ways, one from the Cold War."

Bruce nodded. "That makes a lot of sense." The plane's gate closed and they took off. "Can I stretch out?"

"Of course. Let me sit beside Thor." She changed seats, showing him how to buckle in. Thor did so and relaxed while Bruce spread out. He was a bit green in the nauseous way instead of in the Hulk way but he probably had a slight concussion from the fight.


Clint walked up to Natasha, holding up something. "Xander had Dawn make you a protection charm. It should protect against the majority of what Willow might throw at you. She updated the one Xander gave me to make it stronger."

"That is very good." She put it on. "Thank them for me."

"I did." He grinned. "Doctor Banner, Clint Barton." He shook his hand. "Infirmary's this way so you can get scanned for the concussion you seem to have."

"That might be nice. Tylenol?"

"They have tons down there. We go through it like candy some days. Stark's on his way in. He heard you were coming in to be debriefed." Bruce nodded once. He led him down there. "Guys, Dr. Banner has a concussion."

"We heard," one said. "The field medics reported. Doctor Banner, our scanner is this way. It's an open CT unit so you don't have to feel claustrophobic for any reason." He nodded at that courtesy and let them scan him, hand him tylenol, let him look at his own brain scans, and then let him go debrief upstairs after giving him something better to wear. Thor got scanned as well and sent up there with them. Clint escorted him.

Fury looked at Barton. "You can stand down."

"No I can't. If I was still under his control, I'd be taking over the helicarrier with a strike team today. I don't really think I should be out of touch of someone who can bat me in the head if he decides to reawaken it."


"You were?" Bruce asked him. Clint nodded. "Why?"

"I was security at the site where they were looking over the tesseract and I got in his way so I became his security chief and chief warrior in charge as he put it," Clint said dryly. "I was guarding and helping Dr. Selvig while we were both under control."

"I've met Eric, he's a good man," Bruce said. "Usually very quiet but happy with his field."

"I have met the noble Dr. Selvig," Thor agreed. "He works with the Lady Jane Foster and the Lady Darcy."

Bruce smiled. "I've met Jane at one convention. She seemed very nice, Thor." Thor smiled at that complement to his woman. "What do we need to know?" Dr. Selvig came off the elevator with Agent Coulson. "Eric."

"Bruce." He shook his hand. "You too?" He nodded. "How close was the machine to being finished?"

"I think it may have been finished. I remember looking it over and tightening bolts but I don't remember putting in any components."

"Great," Clint muttered. "So we might be facing the machine opening up a portal?"

"We confiscated everything," Fury told him. "Just in case."

"He'd need a high, unobstructed place to put it," Bruce said. Eric nodded. "I remember him coveting Stark's new building."

"If you have to have a penis statement, that's a good one," Natasha said.

"I would've used somewhere less obvious, like the observatory in Rochester," Selvig said quietly, looking at her. "It's harder to attack. It's got the built-in deck necessary for the device plus a backup power source ready for it with the old reactor at the Kodak nuclear research center. Putting it at Stark tower would mean that he'd have to rely on whatever it's running on now and I don't think any of us understand the arc reactor that well. Restarting a nuclear generator isn't that hard and there's thousands that can do that. Even though they're a bit apart it's doable."

"That's not that hard to check," Fury said, dispatching agents.

"It's at a college," Banner said firmly. "Do not scare the students. I doubt you need the press attention or the riot."

"We're not that unsubtle, Doctor Banner."

"No comment," Clint said when he got looked at. "Some of us are subtle, some agents aren't."

"I sent agents that were," Hill said from her position on the deck.

Stark came off the elevator. "Wow, this is a brain trust meeting." They all stared at him. "How bad is it?"

"Loki has people under control and plans to open a portal to invade the city with aliens," Natasha said.

"So, normal if you're with the Council," he said dryly. "But not us."

"Even for the Council, apocalypse battles are rare," Clint complained. Stark looked at him. "I know people."

"Figures." He looked at them. "That's not the best position if he wants it to open in Manhattan. If all he needs is a power backup, there's Rikers. There's a few other areas that he could plug into. Most of the skyscrapers would work, outside the deco glass walls. City Hall would work. Personally I'd go for somewhere higher but defendable." He called up a map on his tablet and projected it. "Here, almost all the buildings in this area would work. All he'd need is an extension cord."

"It's going to need some backup power," Selvig said.

"I saw what you guys were doing out New Mexico as part of the briefing. If the machine is working like I think it works," he said, pulling up his thought file. "Then all he needs is a heavy duty extension cord and a lot of unlimited power to jumpstart it." They both nodded he was right about how it should work. "So, large, flat, open area...." He did a search and a few buildings were highlighted. "Including mine but I doubt he could. I've turned on the new security measures that are barely installed." Fury groaned. "Hey, I just moved. I'm still unpacking," he shot back. "Give a guy a break, Fury." He pointed. "Manhattan Henge make a difference? There's a few down there. There's a few uptown."

"There's not that many options and a few agents on rooftops could spot them," Natasha said. "Put spotters every two blocks." She tapped buildings to highlight them in a different color. "There."

"Move this one," Tony said with a point at one. "I've flown over that roof a lot. It's unsteady and about to fall in around their generator unit. They have water damage. So does this one." She nodded and switched those. Tony switched one. "Slanted and tarpaper, ancient rooftops." She nodded, accepting that.

"Shift the blue one by 33rd up a building. That one's nearly impossible to get up to, the fire escape's rotted and rusted shut," Clint said quietly. She smiled at him and shifted it. "That's a good placement." Hill took notes and sent agents out to do that. "Why in Manhattan?"

"As the song goes, if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere," Tony quipped. "More people can spot New York City on a map than they can Washington, DC. You can see it from space easily enough. Others have tried and failed so there's a psychological component too."

"How do we stop it if it's going?" Fury asked.

"I'm fairly certain I built in a self destruct to his scepter," Eric said quietly. "If so, it can destroy itself."

"We can do that. We have that locked in a vault," Fury said. "I need a list of potential help in the city."

"The slayers can fight aliens as long as they're not human," Natasha said. "We have two and Harris locally. He has weapons."

"NYPD," Stark said. "They'll want to help. They have some of the better specialty response teams. And really, even the gang kids are going to have a 'hell no' moment about their city and turf falling to aliens."

"The enemy of my enemy is the guy I kick ass beside when the aliens come," Clint quipped.

"Exactly," Tony agreed.

"We can't discount that some of the demon enclaves can and might help," Natasha said. "Some are from warrior clans. They may have hidden weapons and other things that could help us." She tapped out a message to Xander's phone. He said he had already notified the local communities that if it was going to happen it'd be within a week. "Harris has spread that to others and his ex's. His daughter has to be out of the city then."

"Does he think that you want to hold his kid when he shows up?" Fury asked her.

"I believe he knows I can protect her no matter what is going on, even if he's distracted during a battle. Plus I have skills that a future slayer could look up to."

"She is?" Fury asked. Natasha and Clint both nodded. "Huh. Didn't know that."

Coulson walked up to them, listening to the raid's radio frequency. "Not at the Rochester observatory but it looks like it's been prepared as a secondary site, sir. They've dismantled the things they found up there and got the observatory staff to store it for them. They had no idea what it was for." Fury nodded at that. "Local feed from the first spotters..... Stark, he's still going for your building. Is the goat free?" he asked.

"Yes, sir, it disappeared about twenty minutes ago with Rosenburg," another agent reported. "She's in Cleveland by the cameras we have at the main house."

"Is he still a goat?" Fury asked.

"Not known yet, sir."

"Find out and tell me!"

"There are ways to get yourself out of such spells and they usually aren't permanent unless one is a very strong sorcerer and puts your back into it," Thor said. "It may be wearing out as she's lost interest in his status."

Stark straightened up. "Let me head home, people. Meet me there?" They nodded, moving to gear up and handle things while he flew home. They could handle this.


Xander called Don's phone. "It's today, sometime soon. The aliens are going to appear downtown. The main portal is on top of Stark's new building because Loki wanted to own it for his new throne. Faith has her," he said at the question. "Probably within hours if he manages it. Then call a terrorist drill, Don. You're going to want heavy hitters and clearing civilian staff. Everyone else needs to get out of the way and stay out of the way. Defend people storage sites. That's the best thing you can do." He hung up. He was watching the energy beam start.

He saw Stark fly in and that was good. Not totally good since the beam started but better. At least it wasn't him and a few demons, and a few ex's. Xander called up things and nodded. They all looked like they'd work. If not, he'd take them on with his axe if he had to. Xander looked around his chosen spot. "Willow says I'm not Batman," he said quietly. "So I have to do things the mortal, non-tech way." He got himself down closer to the ground before the beam opened a portal and things started to come through. "It's now," he said when he called Don then hung up, turned off his phone, and dove in to help.

This was going to be bad.


SHIELD's medical team had taken over an ER. They needed it. All the civilian casualties were being routed around them. They had plenty of agents, and they were nicely taking in agents from other agencies that had stepped in to help on the ground, the slayers and Harris, and anyone else who had been helping fight the alien invasion. They were on the second level of the triage. All those who needed immediate surgery were having it. All those who had minor injuries were waiting. Those with serious but not surgical injuries were being treated.

"I don't know what's wrong with this one. He's healing wrong," one of the nurses shouted.

Natasha looked over. "He has a DNA contamination thanks to a demonic source in high school." She went back to doing some stitches for Clint while he worked on hers.

The nurse looked over then nodded, taking some of his blood to add to the new blood they were pumping in. That helped most of the problems they saw but he was still healing wrong. It was accelerated but it was healing the trivial injuries instead of the serious ones. "I have no idea what's going on with him," she told the doctor that came over to check.

She considered it. "He's Council. Call their docs." The nurse nodded, moving to look up that number and call it. The guy shifted and winced. "Stay down, Mr. Harris. You're in SHIELD's medical custody but you are not under arrest," she said in his ear. She had to tell a few people this. Gang kids got a bit paranoid about that. He mumbled something.

Thor looked over. "He wants to know of his daughter."

"Tell him his daughter is with a slayer named Faith," Clint said.

The doctor told him that. "Is there anything we haven't realized yet that we need to check on?" He mumbled something else.

"He says that he has an injury to his hip that is bothering him," Thor said. "He also said not to let the senior slayers nag him please." Xander moaned as he tried to shift but she stopped him. "Xander, lay still," he ordered in All Speak. "You must lay still to have things treated." He said something else, trying to wake up. "He says that you may not test his blood. There are things that cannot get out," he told the doctor.

"I won't then," she promised. He relaxed again. She upped his sedative dose for now and worked on the more serious injuries that needed to be sewn shut.

Clint looked over then at Natasha, who shrugged. He shrugged back. They'd talk to Xander later. He usually had a good reason for things like that. The two slayers they had on hand were being cleaned up so they could go rest at Xander's house. They could make reports to Giles.


Xander woke up to something light sitting on his stomach. He blinked at his daughter. "Did Cousin Don leave you here?"

"Nope," Clint said. "I spelled him since I'm not fit for field work." He waved his casted wrist. Xander grinned at him. "She's been pouty but good for us and the two younger slayers. She's been knotting their hair for them for some reason but they just huff and let her."

"They adore her but she thinks they're princesses like Buffy." He patted his shoulder and she crawled up to cuddle him. "Hi, Belle."

"Dada baba."

"No, I'm not bad. It was a battle, princess. Daddy needed to be there." He kissed her on the head. "Good girl for behaving for everyone." She slobbered on his cheek and cuddled in again, playing with his hair. He looked at Clint. "What's the fallout?"

"Not that much. Few groups complaining that we found the Hulk a job. A few protesting that demons and slayers are bad enough, but to have actual heros is really horrible. Stark recognized some of them." Xander nodded at that. "You okay?" Xander nodded. "Good!" He smirked. "Someone asked why you would not allow bloodwork." Fury had ordered his IV laced with a light truth serum, so he could ask potentially helpful questions before SHIELD's interrogation team got here. Not that Clint would let them interrogate his brother for such stupid shit. He had to know what he was facing though.

"No. Comment."

"Okay," Clint said. "Can you comment on why you were healing faster?"

"Probably the coven?"

"Possibly. No one's asked them. The slayers just shrugged and said it happened." Xander nodded, patting Belle on the back. "You have some strange drug reactions."

"Only to three things. They're listed in my file with the Council."

"We got that the next day when an antibiotic made you float."



"No clue," Xander admitted. "Was I floating for a reason?"

"You had a few hives on your back."

"Huh. Yeah, I've had that reaction but never floating."

Clint looked at him for a minute. "If you were to comment, would it cause you trouble with those who want to date you?"

"Only a few," he admitted. "Not something I want to test though."

"Okay. I get that. Had a few things that I don't want lovers to hear about." Xander smirked. "I had her at the base earlier and she bit Fury on the leg, then crawled off cackling until she ran into Natasha, then burst out crying until she cuddled her. I was right behind her and she would not let me pick her up."

"She's a bit weird at times," Xander said with a grin for his daughter. "Why did you cry at Natasha?"

"Mine," she said without moving her head.

Clint smirked at her. "If you're sure," he said dryly. "Natasha's not. Who's her mom?"

"Lockbox in my office."

"I can look that up later. Would it matter?"

"Her mom was a redhead. Maybe she thinks she's family." He wasn't looking at Clint, instead he was checking her diaper. Clint sat up, staring at him. Xander glanced at him and shrugged. "Who knows, kids are weird."


"Not literally, I don't think."

"I'll be looking at that later." He leaned back again. "She's missed you. She's been pouting at Don at each meal."

Xander nodded. "She can do that. If it wasn't for her, I'd have been back in Africa with the slayers."

"She's a great reason to slow down," Clint agreed. "Buffy called to swear at her slayers for daring to take on aliens." Xander nodded then shook his head with a sigh. "She said she expected you to jump into something like that but she thought the girls had more sense. One of them pointed out they didn't want the aliens to take over the earth any more than they did the demons, and they weren't human-like so it was all good. Then they hung up on her and made s'mores."

He shifted. "She tried to call back, the answering machine message she left said she was proud of them for handling it and to next time call up more help. The rest of them could've joined in. They both snorted again and went back to nibbling their gooey treats." Xander smiled some, patting the baby's back. She belched but giggled. "Willow tried to call but they handed the baby the phone when she started to girl-swear so she had to modulate her language and listen to babbling about her being bad."

"She does not like the baby for some reason," Xander said. "She never really has. She's stuck up for Buffy's thing about wanting custody of her but otherwise she's never really liked Belle."

"Huh. Everyone likes the baby." She grinned at him. "Yes, you." She put her head back down, patting the daddy. "You get out tomorrow."


"Just in time for couch rest," Clint joked with a grin.

"That figures. It means we can go to the park so you can play in the sandbox."

"It's flooded. It's got a moat around the edges. With the storms they're predicting for later, it may be a full island by then. That whole playground has a drainage problem, Xander."

"I saw. We'll do what we can." He looked at her. "At least you won't get fleas like you did last time. Daddy was not amused that you got fleas like some puppy dog." She laughed when he poked her on the ticklish spot, slobbering on his cheek instead.

Clint grinned. "She's a great kid, even if she does have fleas." He shifted with a wince. "Someone said something about you having her babysat by Faith during the battle. That you shouldn't have been there."

Xander looked at him. "If I had a live-in nanny it'd be different. I don't. She only goes to Faith for world-ending things."

"Fury said the same thing about her being handed to Natasha a few times."

"He can eat me," he said bluntly. "If I could've trusted the daycare to have evacuated, I would've had her there. Not much choice when you're a single parent."

"No, but it's something we can work on. I know Faith knocked the fuck out of Buffy and Willow for complaining about that. She's in a chair?"

"Yeah, for the time being. She broke her pelvic bone during a fight. Well, the demon that was trying to turn her into an ogre pretzel broke her pelvic bone in four places," he corrected. "The lesser slayers were on a training patrol and tried to get her free but they couldn't manage it fast enough. I came back from Cairo to help her through the surgeries. That's when I found out I was going to be a daddy. She was the first one that heard."

"That's a special time," Clint said. "Is she going to be okay?"

"Yeah. She'll be fine in time. It's just taking over a year. She's about to ditch the chair and start PT for walking."

"Wonderful. A lot of people wouldn't come back from that."

Xander grinned. "Faith's really stubborn. A lot like I am."

"That's always a good thing." He looked over as the door opened and a man walked in wearing ancient looking armor. "Who the fuck are you?"

Xander looked at him. "No. Go the hell away."

"You have to...." Xander growled, making the warrior back up. "It is her rightful spot."

"No, it's not. Her mother did not want her there. Her grandmother either."

"She is...."

"Clint, gun please," he said, holding out a hand. Clint handed him one. Xander shot the warrior. "Go the fuck away." The warrior huffed but stomped off. Xander handed back the gun. "Thanks."

"Do I want to ask?"

Xander looked at him. "Her grandmother was the second daughter of a ruling body."

"Does that mean she should have a tiara?"

"It's a pretty blue and green one. Enamel and emeralds." Clint just nodded. "Which I refuse to let her take up until she's older. Grandma was *very* sure why she didn't want her only granddaughter there. Or her cousin Charming."

"Where are they from?" he asked.

Xander grinned. "No comment."

"Sure, I get that. They might come back."

"They might have a reason to come back."

"Wouldn't there be sons first?"

"Yup. If they were alive."

"Huh." He considered it. "Is Thor going to recognize her mother's real name?"

"Grandma made sure that her kids were not known to any of them. They only found Belle because Grandma passed on a protection when she died. By the time they traced where the protection had went, Ariel had died as well. They found Belle at the funeral and I had to hand her to Buffy to kick their asses for a few minutes. We had a 'go the fuck away' talk then too. Because unlike some I can research." He patted the baby on the back again.

"Are there people ahead of her?"

"Unfit ones that are in a war."


"Yeah. Which I won't allow. Grandma made sure I knew her grandfather's people and her people were not to get her."

"Who were her grandfather's people?"

Xander grinned. "Them Thor will know," he said quietly.

"Oh, crap."

"Yup." He looked at the door then at him. "Cops. I can hear the boots."

Clint got up with a wince, opening the door. "The idiot warrior tried to steal Xander's daughter." The cop moaned. "It's not the first time."

"He said they have rightful custody."

"I'm her dad and they don't have human paperwork," Xander called. "Nor will they."

An officer looked in. "You're that Council guy." Xander smiled and nodded. "Is there a problem with them?"

"Yeah. They want to take my baby daughter into a war zone as a symbol. Even if her maternal grandmother hadn't been *very* firm on warning me they should not be near her, they wouldn't be getting near her."

"You still shot someone in the hospital, sir."

"In the armor. It barely bruised him. But hey, I can get out if it'll help any."

The officer looked at the nurse, who nodded she could do that. "Sure, we can do that. That way you don't endanger more people."

"I wasn't endangering anyone but the guy who wants to put my daughter on a pole and walk her through a battle zone," he said dryly. "Him I'm going to kill if he keeps showing up."

"I would too, sir." The nurse helped unhook Xander and get him changed, he was still wincing when he moved. Clint drove him home and Xander napped on the couch with the baby. The officer made his report to his boss, who was not happy. Then again, his boss had protested at Stark earlier in the day because superheroes had made a mess of their city.

Clint waited until Xander was asleep to go looking for that lockbox. He found it magically hidden but Dawn's protection pendant reacted to it by glowing some when he got near anything magical. It let him find a few other hidden areas. Including the hidden doorway to the armory. Xander had stuff he coveted in there. Not that he was allowed to own artillery but he did covet it. He finally found the lockbox on the third try and it was easily picked open. He looked at the thing on top. Belle's birth certificate. "It figures that the Disney was a cover name. No one's that big into Disney." It listed Ariel Emmagean Divarson as the mom's name. Below that was apparently Ariel's diary. Then Grandma's diary.

Grandma's had a lot more interesting stuff in it. Including how she had been shoved away for being a second daughter instead of a second son. How she had met and married a second son from another house they were warring with, and how when the parents found out there were children of that union they tried to kill both parents. He had died to protect her getting to earth. She was apparently a powerful sorceress in her own right. He texted a photo of the wedding notes to Natasha. She showed up a bit later with research on those names from Thor. "Does he know why?"

"Just that Xander was looking into someone with that name who might have a slayer marking." She took the diary to read.

Xander stepped into the doorway. "If you bring them here, I will sacrifice you both in a protection spell," he warned, sounding perfectly serious. "I'll add Fury as the third body and soul I'd need because he'd have plans if he knew."

"I'm not telling Fury a damn thing," Clint said. "And I'd never get her family down here. I'm not like that, Xander."

Xander stared at him. "The warrior earlier is from Grandma's family. They're presently at war with some of Thor's enemies." He walked off.

Natasha nodded. "That's what Thor said." They went over the journals. It explained a lot to them. Thor would not be happy to hear that the daughter had escaped. They had went to war with Odin once and Odin had the whole royal family wiped out. Natasha went to tell Xander that. He nodded he knew. "Does the one who wanted you know?"

"No. She hasn't done more than send love notes since Belle was born."

"Huh." She stared at him. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to destroy them if they come near my daughter," he said bluntly. "Everyone who comes near my daughter." He smiled at her. "Then I'm going to walk over their ashes and piss on a few of them. By now, people should have learned not to touch what's mine to protect." He sipped his water.

She nodded. "I can appreciate that approach. How would you do that on a magical world?"

He grinned. "I have my ways, Natasha. Never worry about that." She nodded, leaving it there. He went to put Belle down but she fussed so they both went to his bed for the night. In the morning, he found out her bed had been stolen magically so that was a great thing. He called the main house. "If she stole Belle's bed, I want it back. That thing was expensive." He hung up and took Belle to shower and then get breakfast. Clint and Natasha were still going over the intel files he had on both of Belle's earlier families. Now she was a Harris and there was no way she was going to be a princess. Harris's weren't royalty.


Thor showed up two days later, staring at Xander. "Before I leave, I was sent a message."

Xander nodded, holding the wiggling Belle to his chest. "What sort?"

"My father sends it." He stepped in. "I mean her no harm."

"Your father does." He stared at him. "If Odin had any idea I was the father of this child, he would've acted much differently when I was captured."

"Did she plan to draw yours?"

"Don't know. Never asked. I heard about all this after Belle was born because it'd get her mother attacked."

"Aye, it would. My father has hints that she exists. Her grandfather's people have noted her birth."

Xander nodded. "I have things that can destroy all of Asgard and I will use them over my daughter." He stared at him. "Am I clear?" Thor nodded once. "Good." He smiled slightly. "I want no war with you, Thor. Nor with your people unless they push it."

"My father would accept an alignment marriage to solve such."

"No he won't. Because I don't believe that's a good idea. She's not two yet. Why would I let him anywhere near my daughter?"

"That is a point. He said she should claim her throne."

"I don't need that bullshit and neither does she." Thor smirked some. "She doesn't. I've shot all the ones from her grandfather's family that have shown up." He stared at him until he looked away. "Grandmother Aurora was *very* clear about why people should never come near Belle. Not her people. Not his people. Not your people." Thor nodded at that. "As much as I appreciate your skills as a warrior and honor you for them, Thor, you are not allowed near my daughter if you are on your family's business," he said in Norse. "Ever."

"I understand thus and I will inform him of it."

"If you do I'll have more shit I have to destroy. Which people might not like."

"Point. I will pull my mother aside. She has sense and compassion. Her mother truly died?"

"Her mother truly died of the curse that gave her cancer when they found out she had been born."

Thor winced. "That is not proper."

"She would have united two warring idiots."

"Point. They would not be very strong but stronger."

Xander snorted. "The offer of me coming up there to ruin *all* of Asgard stands. I have weapons that can unravel magic."

Thor winced. "That is not good."

"No, and me being a highly overprotective father means I will use them to protect my baby girl."

"I will tell Mother thus. She will understand and temper my father's Will." He nodded. Xander shook his hand. "We remove Loki to Asgard today."

"Clint's in the office with Natasha the last I knew."

Thor walked where Xander pointed. "We remove him today."

"Coming," Clint said. He and Natasha packed everything back up and left, Natasha handing Xander something.

He looked then at her. "I know. She's not allowed to do anything with it until she's old enough to understand what sort of hell that means. Which means she's got to be at least fifty." Natasha smiled at him for that. "With a family so she understands why."

"That is a good idea," Thor mumbled. "I need one to get out of some of the politics. Before my father picks me one."

"You have one. Defend your choice," Xander said dryly. Thor smiled at him for that. Xander closed the door and looked at his daughter. "We should change houses," he said. She cooed at him and patted him on the cheek. "Yeah, we should." He went to get everything he'd need quick packed and sent to his next posting. He left a cryptic note for Don and Clint then got whisked away by a boyfriend's minions. The boyfriend loved to spoil Belle and him with lunch and sex for him while she napped.

part 3 by Voracity2
Xander looked up from tending his books about a year and a half later when the door to the shop opened. "Hi, welcome to the Belle's Books store."

"It took me nearly a year to figure out that note," Clint said. He came in and shut the door, looking around. "Of the many places I expected you to be, this wasn't one."

"She loves books." He grinned and pointed. "Belle, your Uncle Clint's here." She ran out squealing to pounce him.

He picked her up to cuddle her. "I missed you too, kiddo." She snuggled in. "What's up?"

She grinned at him. "Daddy told us." She went back to cuddling.


"She has a slightly imaginary friend named Sochi," Xander said with a grin. "It's mostly a protection from magic." He leaned on the counter. "How's Don?"

"He pouted a bit but then warriors invaded about a week after Thor left with Loki to have him punished. We all swore about that, but none more than Fury when he found out he had the reason they were invading within arms reach more than once."

"Yeah, I saw a few of them trying to track her and killed them." He shrugged. "That was about the same time the Council had to go underground again because of the protests and people trying to kill the girls for being powerful. Thank Natasha for helping them openly and not for me please?"

"I can do that." He stared at him. "Fury wants her found."

"If that's why you're here, I know Willow can still do memory spells."

"No, I'm not, Xander. I'd never let a kid be handed over." Xander relaxed and nodded. "Even Thor's protested on her behalf."

"Thank him for me too, especially since his father probably wanted to marry them off together to have some prophecy fulfilled. Of course, she'd die of it after he had a first daughter for Odin to corrupt and use." He found the book and handed it over. "Blue bookmark."

Clint put it onto the counter and looked at it, still holding his niece. "Fuck."


Belle looked at him. "Bad word. Sochi has delicate ears." She put her head back down.

Clint smiled. "Sorry, Belle and Sochi. I'll try to swear less."

"Thank you," she chirped. "We should have tea."

"Sure, we can have tea. Do I need to dress up for the tea party?" Clint asked with a grin.

"You're so silly. We have real tea, not tea parties like other girls. My dollies and teddies only drink tea when I want them to, not all the time." She wiggled down and led him off to the kitchen.

"I'll be researching stuff for Uncle Rupert again," he said.

"Daddy, come have tea," she ordered. She ran out to flip the sign then back to the counter to drag him with her. "C'mon."

"Okay." He waved at someone looking in. "We're still open," he called. She walked off.

Clint looked over at him, smiling at the warming water. "She's good."

"Rupert taught her." They settled down once he had finished the tea under her picky orders. She couldn't lift a full teapot yet. They settled in to have proper tea and Xander had found cookies for them so it was all good. Someone walked in and Xander looked out there. "We're back here, Natasha. And did you bring someone?"

"I brought Stark. He insisted."

"Oh. Well, we have a few extra tea cups." He got up to warm them properly with warm water before handing them over.

Belle smiled. "Hi, Auntie Natasha. Who did you bring?"

"This is Tony Stark."

She looked at him and smirked. "You wear the suit that Auntie Dawn calls a penis statement." Xander swatted her on the head. "Hey!"

"Bad words," he said dryly with a smirk. "Quit listening to Dawn unless she's found a way to bring herself back into phase again."

"She said Auntie Willow has to end her protection spell first and she won't, Daddy."

"Hmm." Xander looked at Stark. "You can sit. We're not that sort of being." They settled in to have tea and talk about books since Belle loved books and her relatives liked to read. Stark tried to help but when he mentioned Grimm's fairy tales she just patted him on the hand and said that some day she'd be fighting monsters worse than theirs so it was a great bedtime story for her. He looked horrified but Xander shrugged. "She's a future slayer," he said quietly.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Stark said. "You know real monsters."

"Yup, and the 'toon one too," she said with an evil smirk. Xander shook his head. "Daddy, we fly tomorrow?"

"Yup, we're flying out to Hawaii tomorrow for that hearing."

"What hearing?" Natasha asked.

"One of my ex's died and left us stuff in the will. The Feds are trying to confiscate it but it's not on US soil. So it's going to a hearing," Xander said.

"Ah. How many of those has there been?" Natasha asked.

"Three, four, something like that. Why?"

"We checked the other businesses first," Clint admitted.

Xander smiled. "Got to be diverse."

"Some of it's a bit weird," Clint said. Xander nodded he was right. "I'm still stuck on the artifact finding one."

"It helps a lot. You'd be surprised how often we run into magical artifacts. Before people would quietly call the Council about them but now they come to me because I'm more openly known about that. When the photogs can identify you, you don't get to hide really easily."

"I get that," Stark agreed. "So now you're...." He waved a hand around.

"Yeah, and doing her pretraining stuff. The Council's still around, it's just hiding a lot."

"How's the dating going?" Clint asked.

Xander shrugged a bit. "None recently." His daughter patted him on the arm. "Yes, Dear?"

"Date her, Daddy," she said with a point at Natasha.

"I think she's already seeing Unclie Clint."

"Ooooh. Sorry, Auntie, but we like you anyway." She smiled. "You need to have friends flirt with Daddy."

"I'm sure I will some day, Belle," she promised. Belle grinned back and properly sipped her tea. "Who taught you to make tea?"

"Uncle Rupert. He was bored so he visited."

"Plus to check up on you," Xander agreed dryly.

"That too. He wanted to make sure Daddy was teaching me about monsters." She sipped her tea and put her cup down. "He made sure I know all about bad things and vampires. Vampires are supposed to be really mean."

"They can be," Natasha agreed. "Though your aunt has found a few that she's worked with over the years."

"Daddy warned me about Auntie Buffy's new boyfriend and his vampire panties. His vampire undies must've been biting him a lot since he looked so not happy with that. But he was a grrr-idiot so he went bye-bye when Auntie Buffy staked him for growling at me. Before Daddy did. Then Daddy gave her dirty looks and suggest she date jocks and their thongs instead since vampire undies made him so mean." She nibbled on a cookie.

"Which was the last time Auntie Buffy was allowed in the building because she invited him in," Xander said dryly. "She's enjoying her rotation in Bermuda right now."

"Vampire speedos instead of vampire undies?" Clint joked.

"Probably." He sipped his tea and slapped his phone when it rang. "That's probably not good," he said as he put it on speaker. "Speak to the Goddess, she's having tea," he said bluntly.

"Xander, we're really sorry if the apocalypse battle is being driven down there. We had *no* idea it was going to head for the Carribean or you on the way. We're *really* sorry, man," a male voice said.

Xander stared at his phone. "What did you do?" he asked, talking down to them like he would his daughter when she used to pee on the floor to prove she wasn't using a diaper.

"It was trying Atlanta so we drove it off. It huffed and said it'd go find a more amusing target in Bermuda but we think it's on your heading because it looks like it on a map. It'll be there tomorrow sometime. We're really sorry. Please don't kill us too?"

"What is it?" Clint asked. "So we can help him kill it."

"Oh, thank you, Goddess Belle. You're the archer guy, right? His brother?"

"Yup. What is it?"

"Huge demon. Needs to be beheaded. The SHIELD guys who were here helping us got stomped on when they drove up in an SUV. Your boss guy is really growly when she's mad."

"Hill's not in charge, just next to it," he said dryly. "Beheading only?"

"Got a name or a species?" Xander asked.

"It's Hubert's benefactor, Xander," another male voice said. "The one he offered himself up to so he could get out of trouble and retire."

"Great," Xander said dryly. "Thanks. Heading for Buffy in Bermuda?"

"It was talking about Cuba."

"I don't think there's any slayers in Cuba but there is that cult.... Oh, fuck," he muttered. "Yup, we're in the path. Thanks, guys. Let us call this in. Send Belle early birthday cards before you hide for your lives. At least you tried to handle it." He hung up and called another number. "It's Xander. The demon in Atlanta is heading for my location and then to the cult in Cuba," he said dryly. "They drove it out of the main city. No idea if it will hit Miami or any other city on the way down."

"Why Cuba?" a female voice asked.

"There's a cult to it there," Xander said. "A new wave of revolutionaries who are willing to give up their souls to free their people. I sent a briefing on it last month, Gwen."

"Oh, them. Yeah, I fell asleep when Giles was briefing us. Are we sure?"

"Yup, a few friends called in the 'I'm so sorry' call from Atlanta."

"Great. Let me notify people. How big?"

"Huge. Beheader. Tell Giles it's the same one my ex that once tried to steal the baby prayed to so he could retire without me kicking his ass." He finished his tea while she yelled that away from the phone.

"Hi, Gwen," Belle called.

"Hey, Belle. Xander, do you need to evacuate her?"

"Like I'm going to let it get near here in Key West? Are you insane, woman?" he snorted. "There's a lot of civies and tourists down here. They don't need that. I'll pick a True Lies and do part of the interstate first."

"Okay. Want us to call the governor?"

"Yup, please." He hung up and pulled up a map to look at. He drew a virtual line and nodded. "It's going to hit Miami and then branch or it'll come down this way and cut over." He called a contact in Miami. "Huge demon coming from Atlanta your way on the way to Cuba," he said in greeting. "Yup, seriously. They drove it out of Atlanta, it's huffing off to go kiss up to its cult in Cuba." He listened. "Not sure, but I'm pretty sure it's going to hit your city too for at least a few snacks. Beheading. Yup, if not, I've got to get it down here on the interstate or out in a boat. Thanks, man." He hung up. "Maybe....." he said, considering it. "Please let it decide to take the Miami direct route."

"Can it swim?" Stark asked.

"Probably not." He sighed. "Okay, then we're going to have to have an obvious trap and a non-obvious one that he'll go into instead." They nodded. He looked at Clint. "Want the obvious?"

"Please no."

"Sure, I'll do the obvious."

"I'll do the obvious with Romanoff. You two do the not-obvious," Stark ordered. "Does she have a sitter?"

"Yup," Belle said with a grin. "I have two or three." She got up and opened the back door. "Mama Johansen?" she yelled. An older Jamaican lady came to her doorway. "There's a demon headed down here from Atlanta going to Cuba."

"That's fine, sugar. When does your daddy need me to watch you?"

"Tomorrow if you can," Xander called without looking. "Thank you, Mama Johansen."

"You're welcome, Xander. That's not something any of us want to see." She smiled at the girl. "What're you doing today?"

"Unclie Clint's here so we're having tea." She grinned. "I'll come over after breakfast."

"That's fine, sugar. When you need to, you run right over." She smiled and waved, closing the door so they could call around. With any luck, the military would stop the demon in Miami.

Xander called someone. "I need real-time tracking of the huge demon that left Atlanta. Thanks. Yup, it can handle that." He hung up and a new map popped up. "It's riding on a train?"

"Apparently," Tony agreed. He called a friend. "It's me. Are you guys going to handle the demon that's going to Miami via train? Had been in Atlanta." He listened, smirking at Xander. "That's very nice of someone to buy it safe passage on Amtrak as cargo," he said dryly. "Please. Before it eats more people." He hung up.

"Of course there was," Natasha said dryly. "We had one group last month that thought that there were no bad demons or vampires. They were just misunderstood."

"I'm all for it for the peaceful species, but not the human-eating ones," Xander said. "Fuck."

"Daddy!" Belle complained. "Naughty words. Sochi has delicate ears, damn it."

He snorted, looking at her fondly. "Then what do you call that?"

"Reaction to all the naughty words." She gave him a look then hopped up. "Let me go take my shower early. Sochi and I will need to be extra clean when we run over to Mama Johansen's later." She ran off after hugging Clint and Natasha.

Xander shook his head. "I'm still wondering how I did such a good job with her."

Natasha smiled. "She is a very good child. Very thoughtful as well." She finished her tea. "How are we doing this?"

"Can we herd it into a trap and have it duck a predetermined way?" Stark asked.

"If it's not swimming, we can get it up near the mainland as the interstate starts," Natasha said. She expanded the map to show him. "About here?"

"If he's not swimming then he's only got three options or pushing through," Xander agreed. "This area's being redone right now. There's a diversion to the right." They nodded they knew that. "Can we do it there? It'll probably want the road more." They nodded and made plans for a trap and a more hidden trap. They might get yelled at but it was already being worked on anyway, so not too much disruption to traffic.


Xander came back the next night dragging. "Ow." He flopped down. "Belle!" he bellowed. She came squealing back and pounced him, making him groan. "Hey, sweetness."

She looked at him. "Daddy, I could've waited while you showered and made sure it didn't try to possess you." She kissed him on the nose and smiled. "Go do that." She wiggled down. "Is it gone?"

"Yup, gone a whole lot. We sank the sucker." She grinned and ran back out back. Xander heaved himself up and went to shower all his bruises. "I'm getting way too old for this job," he mumbled.

"Xander!" Buffy yelled from downstairs.

Xander looked up. "Did I really deserve that present?" he asked dryly.

Buffy stormed in. "What do you think you were doing!" she shouted.

"Well, right now I think I'm naked in the shower and if you don't get out of my bathroom in the next ten seconds I'm going to have you arrested for breaking and entering," he said.

She snorted. "You can't do that."

He looked out at her. "Yes I can. You broke into my business and house. Get out!" He pointed. She blushed. "I told you I was showering. Duh!" He pointed again. "Now! Before you set a bad example for my daughter." She huffed off. Xander grabbed his phone to call the neighbor. "Buffy Summers is here. She is not to take Belle," he ordered quietly. "Thanks. I'll be done in about twenty minutes. I'm showering as the daughter ordered me to." He hung up and went back to his shower. By the time he got out and was drying off, cops were arriving on his street. He put on a pair of shorts without anything underneath them and his other pair of sneakers, heading down to let them in. "Guys? Which problem was it?" He heard the crying out back and went there. "Did she steal Belle?"

"She knocked me down!" Mama Johansen sobbed. "Her and that redheaded bad girl!"

Xander looked up. "I'm going to kill you both," he warned. Then he called someone. "It's Xander. Buffy and Willow stole Belle," he said bluntly. "You have milliseconds before I react and the cops are already here. Bookstore. Thank you." He hung up and looked at the cops. "I'm just back from helping take down that demon."

"We saw," one said. "Your daughter?"

"Buffy's always thought that me, who used to train the slayers, wasn't good enough to train my own daughter, who is a future slayer. She's tried to legally get her and the judge told her to grow up."

"Are they local?" one asked.

"I don't know. That depends on Willow." They nodded, calling that in. Xander got them pictures. "The FBI probably has more recent pictures. They tend to follow Willow around just in case she tries to end the earth again."

"You're very calm," one of the officers praised.

Xander smirked. "I called some of my ex's, who are mostly arms dealers and the like. They're multinational. They'll tell me where she is." They just nodded at that. A few minutes later his phone rang with a text message. "We were supposed to be in Hawaii," he muttered, texting them back about what had happened and he had sent an email. Plus that Belle had been snatched by Buffy and Willow. He said they'd get excused and his lawyer was handling it for him.

Xander put his phone down after making sure it was set for a new text message to ring in. He stared when it did. One of the officers took it from him. "I have no idea why SHIELD has her." He called. "Why does your batty mother fucking boss have my daughter?" He listened. "So said a few ex's. Oh, hell no." He hung up. "Fuck no. He has *plans*." He went upstairs to grab something and came back down. "Guys, I'll give you what you need for the rest of the paperwork, including their bodies, in a few minutes." They tried to stop him but he used the emergency transport to his daughter's side to get up there. "Morning," he said as he cut off the head of the person holding his daughter. "I believe you should not be touching my daughter."

He backhanded the agent rushing over to help and got the other warriors then he sneered at Buffy and Willow, shooting them both in the stomach. "No one touches my baby girl. Not you, not her, not them, no one." He stared at them. "Or did you forget that the only loyalty I have is for her?" He disappeared with her. He landed with agents there. "What?" he asked.

"Sir, Director Fury is presently calling in to hold you."

Xander snorted. "Yay." They backed up. "Get out. Now." He waved a hand and took her with him. Now they'd be safer. He looked at his daughter, who was sucking her thumb. He kissed her on the head. "I'm going to kill a whole bunch of people for coming near you."

"You hurt Auntie Buffy."

"Auntie Buffy stole you. She can't shoplift you like you're a book."

"Oh. She did?" Xander nodded. "Who were those guys?"

"Bad guys. Your grandmother ran away from them. Grandma Aurora."

"You told me 'bout them." She thought for a few more minutes while he cleaned off his axe. "Are we illegal now?"

"Not exactly. Giles is going to stomp on Buffy and Willow until they're dead for me. Or else he knows it's going to go really poorly for him." He grinned. "We're rebelling."

"Like the ones on tv that shoots people?"

"Not exactly but kinda." He grinned. "You let me worry about that."

"But books? And store?"

"Books and the store will be there in a few weeks. We're taking a vacation here where they won't look for us while they throw tantrums like those kids in the store that you stare at." She grinned. "That way they can calm down before I have to hurt someone else for trying to shoplift you."

She hugged him. "I wouldn't want to be shoplifted either. They were mean and they smelled funny." He nodded, hugging her. "Daddy, is it going to storm?"

He looked outside, lifting her up to the window that was higher up on the wall. "What do you see?"

"Lots and lots of snow, Daddy."

"Yup. See those pretty, fluffy, dark clouds? That means there's going to be another snow storm soon." He looked at her. "We'll teach you how to track in the snow."

"You need pantsies then."

"I do," he agreed. "I'll handle that too." She giggled and went to check out the rest of this house. She'd never been here before. Xander called someone. "We're safe. Where Gregori left us. Yup. I could use some pants and so could she. Thanks, man." He hung up and relaxed. His daughter was happily exploring. She was naming all the food in the pantry for him. He had enough for a few weeks.


Fury looked at the mess made on his floor then around. "How did he escape if our anti-magic shields work against Rosenburg?" he demanded. The junior agents all shrugged.

Coulson cleared his throat. "Rosenburg didn't make the protections for him. Most likely, Summers did."

"Buffy does magic?" Agent Hill asked.

"No, but her sister that's out of phase did." Coulson looked at him. "Beyond that, you knew he was going to rescue her, sir." He walked off. "I'll see if I can negotiate a truce with him."

"He shot agents," Fury said. "That's not something I make a truce for."

Coulson looked at him from the elevator. "And his ex's? Do you think they won't go into gleeful overdrive to rip us down for touching her?" Fury blinked then growled. "Beyond that, Miss Summers did not have his permission to take his daughter from Key West. That was kidnaping and there are charges that have been filed with the locals and the FBI due to that. I'm simply glad he didn't call down a higher level of demon to deal with all that for him, sir." He got into the elevator and left to handle things.

Fury glared at the mess. "We're going to have to explain this shit."

"We can let Harris explain himself," Hill said. "Their war is with him."

Fury looked at her. "Would that really satisfy you if you were Odin?"

"Probably not," she admitted. "But it's a start. He's already met him once."

"Point. Maybe. Tell Thor."

"I've put in a call to Avengers tower but no one there is answering."

"Great." He huffed off. He had damage control to pull. It was nice that the president already knew when he called. As a matter of fact, the president told him why he was calling when he called. So he couldn't spin this any way to look better on his people.


Xander looked outside that night at the sound of a wolf's howl, looking out a window. He finally opened a door and walked outside, staring at the statuesque redhead with the fancy robes and hair. "What part of 'not interested' did you not get?" he asked.

"I can protect your daughter," she said with a smile.

"I can kill all of Asgard. I have three weapons in my possession that will kill any and all magic."

She blinked a few times. "You cannot do that. That's not possible." Xander smirked meanly. She huffed. "She is....."

Xander held up a hand. "Her grandmother made damn sure I knew that she should never step foot up there before she knew what was going to happen and that doing so would start another war. My daughter will not step foot on Asgard until she's an adult and makes that choice. Or the choice to be Asgard's slayer in residence." He stared at her. "You coming near my daughter is considered an act of war."

"Your allies are no more," she smirked.

"I don't need allies, Amora. Why would I need them?" She gaped. "I can destroy *everything* on Asgard without help. And it won't touch my daughter at all. She's already protected."

"I can protect her from Odin. He won't stop."

"I can kill Odin." She gaped. He stared back. "Did you think I was kidding?"

She nodded. "Yes. A boastful warrior making a last stand."

He laughed. "No, not likely." He walked back inside and found his daughter missing. So Xander calmly redressed and sent himself at her location while opening a spot on his arm. He pulled out the first of the weapons, throwing them at the guards in his ways. They screamed as they blew up. He walked into the throne room. "I want my daughter back now. If I have to ask again, you will not like Hel's lands." Odin laughed.

"Daddy!" Belle shouted.

"Be still, child," Frigg ordered. She sneered at Xander. "How dare you...."

"She is my daughter. The product of my sperm." He threw out the second weapon, watching it fume up. "Within three hours, anyone who that touches will die." People were already screaming. "It did not have to be this way but you touched and took my daughter. Therefore you'll die for it." He threw out the last one, right at her and Odin. "My daughter's protected from it." He walked up to grab her and walked her off, checking her. Then summoned the real Belle from where someone had her hidden. He put the doll into her arms with a grin. "Just like the American Girl dolls, sweetness."

She nodded, looking at him. "Daddy, I don't feel good."

"That's because they hate slayers." He took her outside and activated the charm to get them back to the cabin. He grinned. "Let's get your fever down, dear." He gave her the medicine and the antidote again, just in case. She felt like she had the flu but she'd live. Odin and his court, not so much. By the time she was feeling better, others had heard and there was outraged screaming. He appeared back in the US, in Washington, DC. He looked at the First Lady since she was in the garden. "Did they expect me not to get my daughter back? I'm pretty sure I've proved multiple times that I'm an overprotective boob about Belle."

"You have, Xander." She smiled. "My husband would like you to formally give yourself up for a few days so we can straighten this out."

"Ummm.... no. Sorry. Because there's almost no one I trust to watch my daughter. Let's face it, Willow and Buffy stole her from the bookstore and brought her to Fury, who handed her to Odin's guards. Then I had to rescue her when a wannabe ex showed up as a diversion so Odin's other people could steal her..... No. Not even my half-brother is trusted at the moment. Not until I talk to him. I'll take monitored custody in a hotel room but otherwise no." He stared at the guard that came out, gun in hand. "Do you really want to do that near my daughter?" He stepped back. "I'm being nice and reasonable. People who steal my daughter? They die horribly for it."

"You released two biological weapons," the guard said.

"They had my daughter and she was dying from it. So yes, I did. I could have used the one that would've destroyed all the magic that holds their realm together." He grinned. "I'm never gentle about my daughter."

"I understand that," the guard said. "The president would like to see you, Mr. Harris."

"Sure. That's why we're here." He smiled. "Want to pat me down?"

"Yes, we will be." He had an agent come out to hold the baby in his sight while they did that. Then her. Then he handed her back. She was tired. "Ill from it?"

"She had the flu." He grinned. "It happens. She was getting sniffly before I had to call in that demon." They walked around him to the oval office. He nodded as he walked in. The president scowled. "You wanted me to be nicer?"


"Tough. They had my daughter and she was ill. They laughed that I was her father." He grinned. "You're damn lucky I didn't use the weapons that would've eaten or unraveled their magic." The president shuddered. "All I did was release the flu and a few other things."

"How did you get them up there?" the president asked.

"The same way I got them in here?" He pointed at his arm. The guards groaned. "I learned a few things in Africa. It was kind of important down there." He sat down. "I don't want to have to carry this on. I will if it keeps endangering my daughter. They knew better. Odin didn't like me when the Enchantress kidnaped me and I was fighting my way out at the same time his favorite son was fighting his way in to deal with her."

The president nodded. "Thor said that." Xander grinned. "He's not happy."

"Then they shouldn't have taken my daughter. I gave them warning in the past. I gave *everyone* warning in the past."

"You have," the president agreed. "It's still not a good idea."

"Neither was kidnaping my child. And if Nick Fury was involved in that kidnaping I owe him a few blows too."

"No, he had Rosenburg summoned when he heard a split second report that they had taken her," one of the guards said.

Xander looked at him. "That's nice. So he had a *partial* plan. He knew I wasn't going to react well too. He mock-swung at my daughter and I nearly cut his throat for it." He shrugged. "I'm a highly overprotective boob over my baby girl."

"Daddy, quit fussing," she said, blinking up at him. "They're bad people, they get bad people things happening to them. Let Unclie Clint do it."

He shrugged. "We'll have to talk to him first, princess. I'm not sure what's going on there."

"He's family, Daddy."

He nodded. "Sometimes that matters," he agreed. He cuddled her.

She snorted. "Dumb butt. Family is supposed to be everything."

"Yes it should," he agreed.

She sighed, looking over. "Can you please call Unclie Clint?"

"He's in detention to make sure he didn't escalate things," one of the guards said. "We're holding him so he can't go off on people," he said when she looked confused.

"Why? Did he do bad things?"

"They're trying to stop more bad things from happening," he explained.

"Then they shouldn't have kidnaped me." She shrugged. "It's not like parents would be happy with that. Would they?"

"No. I would've killed a whole bunch of people if you were mine and taken."

She smiled. "Then why is my daddy in trouble?"

"There's diplomats involved," the president told her.

She snorted. "I met a few of them. They're stupid and they never say anything, just babble nonsense like Thomas the Tank Engine does when he's had too much coal." The president gaped.

Xander nodded. "The only one you've met does do that, yeah." He shrugged. "The one for Hong Kong. One of my ex's left me something in his will."

The president sighed and shook his head. "We'd like you to calm them down."

"I'd like to too but I don't think it's practical," Xander said bluntly. "Because I'll still destroy *anyone* who tries to take my daughter from me. The same as I did when she was four months old and I had to go on that killing rampage thanks to Willow." The president shuddered. "Same thing, different location, different weapons. Here I used higher ones." He smirked. "Did Odin live?"

"He's been put into a magical coma until they can treat it. His whole court," the president said.

Xander nodded. "Huh. Well, two were the new fume weapons. I used an explosive pulsing grenade on the guards before storming in." The guards in there moaned. "The two fume weapons I used in the throne room were both germ weapons but both lighter ones. I didn't figure they'd know how to handle the flu. Though my arm was dripping and it may have gotten into the second one," he admitted. "So possibly something bigger. I'll let someone *quiet* take samples from me to see if it is related."

The president stared at him. "When did you get given germ weapons? Or germs?"

"Hmm." He looked at his daughter, who grinned and poked him on the nose. Then at the president. "Beyond the ones I got because I fell into a native burial chamber back in Sunnydale and the ghosts gave me a 'fuck you for killing us' present?"

The president blinked. "What was that?"

"As far as we know, smallpox, syphilis, and measles. Anya identified them. I tested clean for all of them once the ghosts passed on but I know I carried antibodies. The guy named Jacques in Sudan found that when he captured me to use me as a test subject. I went from 'oooh, you'll make a good mind controlled soldier' to 'ooh, we can use you as a higher level problem' and he kept trying to introduce samples to my blood to see what I'd do. Only half of them got injected into me after they reacted well with a blood sample. I got free and blew the fuck out of him about two weeks later but I know I was sick at the time. I also know that the nice missionary hospital people thought I was going to die from it but they assured me it wasn't a hemorrhagic fever like ebola."

The president slumped, staring at him. "I've never heard a thing about this."

"You or any of my ex's," Xander said with a grin. "I'm not that stupid."

"Good point." He swallowed. "I can have someone pull some blood to test it."

"Quietly test it. If it gets out, I have a whole new class of admirers for a different reason."

"That's a good point. If you get out of protective custody."

"She and I can go back to Africa instead," Xander said dryly. "I knew about the long-distance guarding but really not necessary."

"Fine. Get me someone to draw the samples." One of the guards called up one of the EMT's from the on-site medical clinic. "He's been exposed to things in the past. He is not contagious now," the president said. "We need to know what."

Xander shifted Belle and held out a hand. "You'll get the easiest sample with a butterfly on my wrist," he said quietly. "My elbow ones are screwed up masses of scar tissue due to donating plasma in my stupid youth." The EMT nodded, pulling that out to fill a few vials. "You're going to need enough for multiple disease testing. There was a germ doc who wanted me to be his weapon once," he said quietly. That got more vials pulled. He looked at the baby. "She wasn't alive then."

"Thank you, sir." He looked at the president, who wrote out a note and handed that to a guard with the vials. The guard and the EMT left.

Xander grinned. "I'm not mean if you're not after my daughter. I made that clear a number of times."

"You have," he agreed. "Now what?"

"For all I care, they can sob. They kidnaped my daughter." He shrugged. "I'm not going to demand they pay reparation but leave us the hell alone."

"Why do they want her?"

Xander smiled and kissed her head. Then looked at the president. "Her maternal grandmother and grandfather were Asgardian. Part of a small group that was basically off in a corner of the realm avoiding wars with Odin and his band of muscular idiots. They were both second children. They were both basically pushed out until they had a use in a political marriage. They married each other and their families were at war at the time. Her mom and aunt would've stopped the warring. Neither side liked it." The president winced. "Grandpa lasted long enough to help Grandma Aurora get down here safely with the girls. Then her mom had her. When Grandma died right after Belle was born, a protection passed on. That's how they knew Ariel had survived and so had Belle. No one but my brother has known about this until recently. Then Thor spotted her. He had an idea."

"So Fury probably prompted it?"



"I'm about to cut him again, sir."

"Can we spin this?"

"We can spin it that she's not the actual heir, she's their assistant's grandchild. There is one. They can't find her at all."

"Did she make it?"

"Yeah, she did. She'd read as just as much Asgardian. She's a distant cousin so the family readings on one side would work. Not on the other and it's her grandfather's side that is not happy. They want her back because they're now at war with Odin's people."

"So they want her as a true heir?"

"No, the last I heard they wanted to stick her seat on a pole and walk her through the battlefields as a symbol," he said dryly.

Belle snorted. "That's not how you fight."

"No it's not."

"Did she know?"

Xander nodded. "Yup. I told her enough that she knows that there's people from her grandparent's past that want to snatch her. I explained that they weren't nice. That they wore fantasy guy armor and all that. She thinks they're with the mob. We were watching the Godfather." The guards still in there smiled at that. "It's about as close as I could come. She'll get more as she gets older." He looked down at her. She looked up. "Did you scream when the guys in armor grabbed you the first time?"

She nodded. "They had stinky rags at the cabin, Daddy."

"I figured they did." He gave her a squeeze and looked at the president again. "Wouldn't you take that risk for your children?"

"Yes, I would," the president said. "Or send someone like you who had that sort of experience." Xander tipped his head with a slight grin. "Can you apologize?"

"If they do for taking my daughter. I doubt they will."

"Me too," he admitted. "All right, let me call Fury. We do need to put you...."

"We can both stay in a nice motel room under guard. You're not getting her away from me either."

"I understand that. Maybe not a *nice* motel." Xander shrugged. "Fine."

Xander looked at the guard, taking the notepad next to him to write out a note on and then something else. "Get my half-brother to get that box from that bank," he said quietly, tapping it. "That's the codephrase he'll need. It has her official stuff." The guard nodded. "They'll only release it to someone I send and it'd only be someone I would trust her with. That's a last ditch, pull it out to make them all shut up and sit down, thing."

"I can do that, sir." He called that in, going to pick up Agent Barton himself.

Xander looked at the president. "Let's get us somewhere she can nap and I can stare at the ceiling and make bad plans in case Fury tries his usual egotistical shit."

"He won't do that to me." Xander snorted, staring at him. "I'll have him shot."

"The slayers all universally like Coulson to take his place. Some like Hill but think she's Vulcan."

"So do I sometimes. I asked her if she needed an oil change once." Xander smiled. "Boys?" They took Xander to a motel they had used in the past and got him checked in. Within an hour, someone dropped off a bag of clothes for him and the baby, plus a few other things. They had to confiscate the guns but yay.


Xander put Belle down next to his seat the next morning, nodding at her to stay there. She nodded, settling in with a book the nice guards had given her. He looked at the people staring at him. "What did you expect me to do when they kidnaped my daughter?" he asked bluntly.

"You nearly killed my father," Thor said.

"And he had kidnaped my daughter." Thor blinked at that. "What would you do if they kidnaped your child?"

"I would not have left a single one living," he said stiffly.

Xander nodded. "I showed mercy. I only went for those that were involved." He shrugged. "I warned others in the past that coming near my daughter was unhealthy."

"She has status she should take up," Thor said.

Xander snorted. "Perhaps. Then again, their assistant managed to flee with them and her child."

Thor slumped. "Her maid did?"

"Their maid did," Xander corrected. "She did more than dress her." Thor nodded once. "She was their guard and other things. Also a distant cousin. So technically.... the readings wouldn't matter. So your father may have kidnaped the wrong child."

"The protections were given to that one."

"Yes they were." Xander smiled. "You can will on protections, Thor."

"I do not traffic in magic." Thor stared at him. "What would you do if your parents were killed? Or nearly so?"

"Laugh. Mine are horrible and they liked to treat me like shit." Thor slumped. "Frankly, I understand why your brother's always angry *very* well." He shifted to cross his feet, looking at his daughter then at him.

"I'm fine, Daddy."

"Are you a robot?" he asked.

She snorted. "No, Daddy, just sniffly and stiff from the medicine you gave me."

"Sorry." He kissed her forehead. "Bit warm. We'll get you some tylenol in a while." She nodded, settling in to read again. He looked at Thor. "I had more powerful weapons on me. I was polite, I only used things to make them dreadfully ill and only used them on the ones who had my daughter hostage. I could have used the ones that destroy magic completely." Thor shuddered. "I'm sorry you're dad's sick, Thor, but I don't really give a damn because he was holding my daughter hostage. That negates any care I have for any other human being in this realm or any other. The only one I care about is her. Even beyond other family. When you have children, you do that."

"I understand that," he agreed. "We must make peace."

Xander nodded. "Leave my daughter alone and we have peace. That's all I ever wanted."

"She should take up her crown."

"Why would I want her to go through that?"

"They would stop their wars," Thor said.

"Yes, by getting her killed. No, she's not going to take up anything like that until she's an adult, she chooses to take it up, and she knows what she's getting into. The same as she can't go on patrol as a slayer until then."

"I had not known that part," Thor admitted. Xander nodded.

Belle popped up. "I'm not that sort of princess. Those sort are stupid and think all monsters live in the closet or under the bed. I know better than that because some day I'll be a great slayer." She stared at him over the edge of the table. "I don't want to be that sort of princess please. I'd hate to be dumb." Xander hugged her. She grinned at him. "Besides, princesses never get to live in the bookstore." She grinned and sat back down with the book. "Daddy, this one has talking frogs."

"So does the Muppet Movie," he pointed out.

"Good point." She went back to it. He checked her fever again. "I'm not a robot, Daddy," she huffed.

"We scanned her, she's a flesh and blood little girl, Harris," one of the guards said. "She's probably just frustrated." She nodded. "Mine does that and she's five."

Xander grinned. "Thanks. She doesn't like to hang out with other kids. Sometimes I don't know how to tell."

"Other kids do stupid stuff," she complained. He looked down at her. She looked up. "They do."

"Fine. You're still starting school next year." She pouted but nodded, going back to her book. Xander looked at the president then at Thor. "I have Clint getting the stuff that her grandmother gave into my keeping for when she was old enough."

"Her seal?" Thor asked.

"That too." He looked at his phone then sent an email to the bank there. That would help Clint. He looked at Thor again. "Frankly, I've researched both sides of her family line when I found out. I'm not happy with either of them. I really don't want my daughter in the middle of their spoiled bitch tantrums."

"They are good people. Their rulers....not as much," Thor said. "Surely their people deserve better?"

"Then they should overthrow them." Xander shrugged. "We've seen it done before. We've seen them take out their ruling parties to let in another one. All their rulers are doing are getting them killed. They're going along with it like sheep. She would be stopping it, because I wouldn't let anyone be her regent beyond me and Clint." Thor sighed but nodded. "I never want her to have to learn that people like that exist. That she's possibly related to some of them."

"It is her heritage."

"No, they cast the grandparents out. That means they cast out their whole lineage. They've done it without her this long and they're going to continue to do it without her. When she's an adult she has the choice of riding in as the slayer in residence for Asgard. Until then, she's just about four." Thor nodded at that. "For all we care, have someone decent take over their people. That would solve most of the problems, wouldn't it?" Thor nodded it would. "Then why involve her?"

"It's her birthright."

"Mine's better for her. It won't get her assassinated by someone selfish who wants a job that Belle wouldn't want in the first place. A lot of rulers probably wanted that for their kids so they had official kids and bastard kids who got to enjoy being alive and slightly named. That way they had some that were happy. In her case, since her grandparents both got banished, she doesn't have to make that choice until she's an adult." His phone beeped. "Clint's got the box and he's on his way back."

"It should be about an hour," one of the guards said. "We're borrowing a quinjet from SHIELD for him."

Xander nodded. "Thank you." He looked at the president again. "How are my former friends?"

"Still in rehab for their wounds," he said dryly. "I talked to Mr. Giles and he was ranting and raving about stupidity but not yours." Xander smiled. "He knows?"

"No. Until this meeting today, the only ones who knew were Clint and Natasha. Not even Don, who has her secondary custody, knew. Then someone told Thor or Thor figured it out, and then Fury got wind of it. I've distracted his attention from her a few times. Frankly, you're lucky I didn't already get him and take him out."

"I heard about a few of those," the president admitted. "I told him not to mess with the Council."

Clint appeared with a lockbox. "Sorry to jump in, sir."

"Willow's back?" Xander asked with a grin, taking the box from him.

"Dawn's back in phase."

"Cool, I miss talking with Auntie Dawn," Belle said.

"Are you a robot you?" Clint asked her.

She huffed and climbed into his lap to cuddle him. "No, I'm sniffly and have sniffly medicine in me." She let him check her forehead. "I'm okay. I'm tough like Daddy is."

"Yeah you are, even though you shouldn't have to be," Clint said, giving her a cuddle. She got her book handed to her when she reached for it but couldn't grab it. She settled in to read. Clint grinned and helped her when she got stuck on big words.

Xander opened the box and looked at the pocket watch first then closed it again and picked up the seal. "This is what Grandma Aurora gave to us."

Thor looked at it, blinking hard. "You are certain?" Xander nodded. "Then she's not the one we were thinking of and there may yet be more problems with Amora."

Xander smirked. "Not really. She's kinda tied up." Thor swallowed hard. He tapped the watch to make sure it was still running then pulled out her pretty blue, gold, and emeralds coronet. It had a lot of blue enamel work and a scattering of tiny emeralds around the three spires. The rest was gold filigree work. He held up the crown.

Thor took it to look at. "That does not match the seal." Xander smiled. Thor noticed the watch. He picked it up to look at, opening it. The seal didn't change. Neither did the crown. Thor looked at the watch, moaning some. "This?"

"That was gifted to me by an early boyfriend." He took it back, putting it into the box. "It's special to me."

Thor nodded. "I understand that." He looked at the baby. Then at Clint. "You protect her as well?"

"If Xander hadn't been able to go retrieve her, I would've went up there and killed everyone for him," Clint said. "Family's like that for some of us."

Xander nodded. "Yup. Blood is supposed to be closer."

Thor nodded. "I can understand that. I would do most anything to help my brother." He sighed. He handed back the seal and the crown. "They wish her to pick up her other one."

Xander shook his head. "Nope."

Clint looked at him. "Not the same throne?"

"She's got the crown for one. Aurora's mom's people." Thor sighed but nodded. "Who are all but dead."

"Mostly they have been absorbed," Thor agreed. "We had heard Aurora went to her mother's maiden title and name because of her family's pushing." Xander nodded he had heard the same. "She should have given that up when they married."

Xander grinned. "From what I was told, he went to his mother's maiden title and name." Thor groaned. Xander smirked at him. "She's not getting any of them, Thor. At all."

"Princess gowns suck," Belle said.

Clint kissed her on the head. "Yes they do. You can't fight in them."

Xander nodded. "That's why you'll never wear one." He looked at Clint. "Thanks."

"Welcome. Even if she's closer, that's a good thing." He shoulder-nudged him, getting a grin back. "What did you use?"

"Two fuming things that I had stored and an explosive pulse grenade."

"Stored how?" Thor asked.

"Some things that I learned and had done in Africa."

"How?" Clint asked. Xander leaned over to hiss in his ear. Clint stared at him. "That can't be healthy." Xander shrugged. "I'd like to know where and what. Just in case? Please?"


"Xander, what if they leak?" Clint asked.

"We can talk about that when there's no one around."

Clint nodded. "I can accept that."

"I can't," one of the guards said, staring at him. "How did you do that? Before someone else, someone less happy with us, shows up here with that same thing?"

"A native chaos mage in lower Ethiopia. He knew I'd need things hidden for my protection and the protection of others. He did the spell so I could shrink certain types of things and put them in hidden pockets within my skin in certain prepared spots. Unfortunately without the cases but still." The president gaped. Xander grinned. "It really does help when the idiots take you hostage and you have to fight your way out. Otherwise I would've died about eight, nine times in Africa and a few others in Asia."

The guard gaped. "What?" he demanded. Xander held out a hand. "You need...."

"Sharp knife." He handed over his pocket knife. Xander looked at his hand and cut open a spot carefully, then used the knife to pull out a tiny thing. He wiped off the knife then handed it back. He put the thing on the table and let it regrow while he licked his hand clean. Clint handed him a handkerchief, getting a grin and a nod back. Xander pointed. "That's what I used on the guards."

The president stared at him, mouth open. "I don't know what to say," he admitted.

"I know a few agents who would *love* to know how to do that," Clint said, staring at it. He pulled it over to check it. "It's off." The guards took a deep breath and took it. He looked at Xander, who shrugged but blushed slightly. "Natasha will want to see that."

"I need to put a few new ones in. I'll let her watch me do that. Outside the one in my thigh."

The president cleared his throat, shaking his head. "No. Not tonight. We're probably going to be doing this for a few days, Xander."

Xander shrugged. "Fine."

"Can I get you to disarm those?" the head guard asked, staring at Xander.

"No. Because I may need them to steal her back."

"We'll guard her."

Xander stared at him. "Yay?"

"Please, Mr. Harris? Before we have to disarm them for you? You brought really heavy ordinance into the white house."

"And if I open them you'll complain about all that stuff that might be in my blood."

"I can ask Stark," Clint said. "Would that work? He can hold it," he told Xander. "They can help me watch Belle if we need to? They're going to be here tonight."

Xander looked at him. "Why would I trust Stark?"

"He won't use anything and if it's in your blood, there's not going to be a comment. I trust them," Clint said, staring at him.

"I'll let you hold them."

Clint nodded. "I can do that. Can we have Stark help by scanning? He'll go nuts."

"Not really."

"Yes, he can. I trust Stark to work in his best interest and the best interest of the world instead of SHIELD or anyone else," the president said. "Thank you, Agent Barton."

"Fine," Xander agreed. "She can suck up to someone while I'm cutting them out."

"Thank you," the head guard said. "I'll check with Stark about them to make sure they don't disappear to him looking them over." Clint nodded that would be fine. So did Xander. "Plus Belle can visit with her favorite uncle for the night while he watches you to make sure no one tries to steal you since you'll be more vulnerable. And don't you dare pull out another weapon from a hidden spot in the white house," he said when Xander opened his mouth. Xander nodded at that, taking his daughter back.

"Dad!" she sighed. "Cuddling Unclie Clint!" She wiggled back over. He let her get comfortable and help her with her book. She looked at her uncle. "Daddy has the flu too."

"We can check him over later."

"Okay. We should do that." She looked at Thor. "Don't try to hurt my daddy. I'll have to be mean."

"I'd never want to hurt you or your father," Thor said. "We did not want to harm either of you." Xander snorted. "They would not."

"Her not being able to sit on her throne would suit their fighting very well," Xander said quietly in Norse. "I'm not stupid even if I'm not royal born, Thor." Thor nodded his head at that. "The end of my mercy is today. If they try again, there is no more mercy."

"I understand, Xander."

"Thank you." He looked at her. "We should go nap."

She checked his forehead with a scowl. "You're still sick, Daddy."

"We can get him up to Stark today before he leaves," Clint said, looking at the president, who nodded. "Then we'll be up there and back in the morning." The guards nodded, escorting them out to the quinjet. He called Stark. "I'm bringing Xander and Belle back. Xander seems to have the flu and so does Belle. Xander also has a lot of tiny hidden weapons he's going to let us help him remove for a few days." He hung up and flew them, plus the Secret Service guard on Belle.

Stark met them as they came out of the jet. "Tiny weapons?"

Clint held up the grenade he had taken back. "This was shrunken in the back of his hand."

"How?" he demanded, looking at Xander.

"Chaos mage in Ethiopia." Stark groaned, shaking his head.

"We need to scan him so we can make sure they're all removed," the guard said. "I'm here to make sure the child is not taken again. This way Mr. Harris doesn't have to pull out more weapons until he's feeling better." He looked at Xander. "We have the results." Xander shook his head quickly. "You sure?"

"Yeah, I am. I have no idea who might hack his."

"Sure, I get that," the guard said, handing them to Clint. "He should know?"

"He can know. I trust him."

Clint opened the envelope, staring at the results. "What's this?"

"What's in his blood," the Secret Service guy said. "The president asked if we could find out in case it mattered to why they were all so ill up there."

Clint looked at Xander. "That was not covered."


Clint squeezed his eyes shut. "Okay. I get that. No, no one else should ever know," he promised, putting it into his vest pocket. "Stark, we need to scan him for tiny little weapons that don't have cases. Xander needs a flu shot and a nap. So does Belle."

"Belle needs a snack," she chirped with a grin for her uncle. "Ice cream or tea?"

"We can make tea while your daddy disarms himself." She grinned, cuddling him. They went to do that.

"Sure," Stark said, leading Xander to his lab. "Scan him please, JARVIS."

A beam went over Xander. "How did he implant so many tiny weapons, sir?"

"That's what we're removing," Xander quipped. "Scalpel? Some gloves and maybe a cotton ball of alcohol?"

Stark nodded, taking him to their infirmary to help him disarm things. Stark was quietly horrified that anyone would do that to themselves. Natasha walked in and stared at the line of tiny weapons. Stark looked at her. "They wanted him disarmed."

"A man like him is never totally disarmed." Xander grinned at her. "How many more?"

"Ten or so," Xander said.

"JARVIS, please put up the scan," Tony ordered. A virtual copy floated next to him in the air. "Thirteen."

Xander pointed at one. "That's shrapnel, not a weapon."

"It has an energy signature."

Xander nodded. "I know. Still shrapnel."

"We can remove that one too," Stark said.

"Only if I'm going to trauma surgery. It's next to the vein." He grimaced. He went back to it. Stark got one of their docs down there to remove the other one. Banner looked horrified but he could get it out. Xander slumped, letting him do it.

Bruce Banner looked at Xander once that one was out and sewn up. "Why did you do that?"

"Because people have taken me hostage and frisked me of everything. This way I'm not totally disarmed if I need something."

Bruce gaped. "What?"

Natasha laid a hand on Bruce's arm. "I know many agents who would do much the same," she said quietly. "Because they end up in places stripped down of everything and possibly tortured."

"That plus they tend to want to use me against the slayers," Xander agreed. "It was protective. I'll be putting most of them back once we're done with all the talking."

Bruce stared at him. "How did you put them in there in the first place?"

"A chaos mage in Ethiopia."

Bruce gripped the table, shaking his head. "The Council is not sane."

"I'm the guy they send into really bad situations to rescue the slayers that have been captured by idiots," Xander said. Bruce looked at him. "In the last year I've had to rescue three different slayers from rebel-led groups of one form or another. Some because they were going to kill them, some because they were going to make them work for her. I didn't make it in time for another two." Natasha patted him on the leg. "Normal people treat us like warriors they don't want to know about, but want to use until we give up and die finally. Especially in some of the lesser known areas of the world."

"I've seen a few of those," Bruce admitted. "I've worked in some of them as a humanitarian aid worker."

Xander nodded. "Now think what those groups that used to harass you for not being locals or being more wealthy would do to a young woman with extraordinary strength and healing."

"I understand that," Bruce said. "This is a bit extreme."

"If I need a weapon to take out a huge amount of idiots who have me, or one of them, hostage but I've been frisked, I need something I can get to easily. If I have to, I can open most of those with my nails or teeth."

"I guess I can understand that. I don't like it."

Xander nodded. "I get that too." He smiled. "Anything else? Clint's helping her make tea."

"Flu shot," Stark said from his seat in the corner. "She said you have the flu."

"Probably, yeah. She's just had it." He yawned.

Bruce got one to stick him with it. "I should draw some blood." Xander shook his head quickly. "Just to see if you're healthy?"

"No. No, sorry, but no."

Natasha shook her head. "Clint said there's a reason," she said quietly.

"A lot," Xander said, looking at her. She stared at him. "No, sorry. No one but family. If you marry him maybe but no."

"Fine." She looked at the weapons. "Let me clean these up a tiny bit and then store them properly." She took the tray off. Xander got bandaged and went up for tea with his daughter.

Bruce looked at Stark. "Why?"

"I've heard that he fell into a native burial chamber and got stuck with some bone shards."

"So he might carry antibodies?" Stark nodded. "We're sure?" Stark nodded. "Does anyone else know?"

"Rumors of."

Clint strolled in with mugs of tea. "The president had some drawn yesterday." He looked at Bruce. "Do not ask, especially while he's disarmed. Unless you want to go rescue him?" Bruce shook his head. "Thanks, Doc." He walked off. "We're having tea."

"Sure," Bruce agreed, sipping the tea. "Someone good made it."

Stark smiled, taking his mug up there. "She said the head Watcher taught her." Bruce nodded, going up with him. Clint had Xander in his suite's spare room. Belle was telling them a story about Key West and all the stray cats they had.


The next day, Xander felt miserable. He knew it was the flu. He had the flu before and it wasn't something more serious. He knew it wasn't. He came out for breakfast, showered and ready to leave. The Secret Service guard stared at him. "Flu," he admitted.

"They checked the weapons, sir. Only one was leaking and it wasn't something that would make you ill. Or her. They did test hers and it is the flu." Xander grinned. "She's eating."

"She likes to eat." He went in there to get some food and coffee. He nodded at Stark. "Thank you."

"Not a problem. We're all going up there because there's things that have to be settled," Stark said.

Xander looked at him. "If Fury tries to take her again, I'm going to make a mess."

"Good!" Clint agreed. "If you don't, I will." Belle hugged him. He kissed her on the head. "If I ever retire, you're more than welcome to come spend time with me."

"Okay. If you have kids can we play?" she asked, eyes big.

He smiled. "Sure, if I ever have kids, you can be a great friend." She grinned and kissed him on the cheek then ate. "Eat, Xander."

"I am. Thanks." He grinned. "I don't get nagged as much anymore. I need a new boyfriend."

Clint looked at him. "I think we've taken down most of your dating pool. Sorry." Xander shrugged. Belle giggled. "The thing in Hawaii?"

"I called him when I got back, right before she disappeared. I haven't checked back yet."

The Secret Service guard coughed. "We need to get going sometime soon, sir. Also, you won the argument in Hawaii so they're going to give it to you." Xander smiled at that and nodded some. "Are you going to set up a more secure location?"

"I think we're okay in the bookstore."

"SHIELD people have it presently shut down but they haven't done anything too damaging." Xander stared at him. "They harassed a few neighbors."

Belle scowled at him. "They harassed Mama Johansen?" she demanded.

"I'm not sure," the agent said.

"They're going to be in for a screaming! They do not touch my friends!" she said firmly. "Daddy, we need to go scream at someone."

"Let me finish my toast and we can go yell at them." He ate a bite of toast. She huffed and kept herself from losing her temper until they walked into the white house with the guard. Then she ran into the oval office and stared at the SHIELD agents. They heard her screaming from the hallway, Xander wincing. He stole a piece of peppermint from the secretary's desk. "She's going to need that," he said quietly. "Daughter, you scream like a Summers woman," he said as he walked in. "You're a Harris."

She took a swing and knocked Fury in the thigh hard enough to make him stumble. "That's right, I'm a Harris! We protect our friends and family! Dumb butts! How dare you harm or harass my friends!" She tapped a foot, hands on her hips, glaring at Fury. "You're a bad guy. I always knew it but now I'm certain and no way any slayer should ever work for you. You're so bad you're a danger to the people, not protecting them," she said, head bobbing some. "You should retire before Daddy has to knock your head off."

"I want to start a 'you go girl' chant," one of the guards muttered.

Xander looked at him and nodded. "Yup." He handed over the peppermint. "Your throat's sore. We heard you outside."

"Oops. I'm sorry I screamed that way," she told the staring president. "He's a bad guy but you did not need to hear me acting like that. Next time I'll scream in private." She popped the peppermint into her mouth and settled into her daddy's lap.

"Are you going to spank her for that?" Fury demanded.

"Nope," Xander said. "It kept me from knocking your head off." He stared at him. "She's a wise little girl."

"She is," Stark agreed, sitting down on Xander's left side. Clint had the other. She cooed and climbed over to cuddle her uncle again. "Awww," Tony said with a grin for her.

"My unclie needs cuddles until he finally gets married and has babies for me to play with."

"I'm sure he'll be great at it," Steve Rogers said as he came in. "I should be here since the other Avengers are." He sat down on Clint's other side. He smiled. "Hi. I'm Steve."

"I'm Belle," she said with a smile, shaking his hand. "Do you like books?"

"I do. I like books a whole lot."

"Me too. We run a bookstore sometimes." She shifted over to sit in front of him and talk to him about books.

The president cleared his throat. "She's very smart," he told Xander, who smiled and nodded. "Director Fury, sit down. I agree, you had no reason to talk to the people around them in this case. It wasn't an investigation." He pointed. "Join us at the table, Director."

Xander looked at Agent Coulson. "Are the neighbors all right?"

"They're good. We didn't scare them. We needed to know if you've been bothered by your dating pool. Most of them laughed about you dating bad guys. They knew about one tourist that got arrested for DUI but no one else." He sat down. "Belle, Mama Johansen yelled at the agents when they tried to question her. She is fine. Though she did take a swing at an agent, she bruised herself. The agent did not hit her back. She fell into the doorway."

She stared at him. "You promise?"

He nodded. "I promise. We did not do more than ask her questions. She's very worried about you."

"I'll call her later," she said quietly, looking at her father, who handed over his phone. She found the number and dialed, wiggling down to move into the corner. "Mama Johansen, are you okay?" she asked quietly. "Daddy's in a meeting but I heard they came down to bother you."

"Tell her I said to go clean out the fridge," Xander said.

"Daddy said to clean out the fridge if you want." She smiled. "She did." She listened, curling up in the corner to chat with her favorite sitter.

Xander looked at the staring people. "She'll talk for *hours* with her if we let her."

Steve smiled. "She's a really good girl."

"Thank you. I tried really hard to make sure she didn't have a grim outlook over her future."

"She's smart and she's realistic," Stark said. "I don't usually like kids but I can talk to her. She's good." Xander smiled.

The president nodded. "She's always been a great girl when he had to appear with her before."

"She still hit me," Fury said dryly.

Xander stared at him. "I can hit you instead since you had my daughter kidnaped." Fury glared. Xander stared back. "You knew I wasn't going to react nicely. Did you expect me to curl up and cry?"

"I expected you to call your friend's minions," he said dryly.

Xander smirked. "I don't need minions to do my dirty work, Fury. I've taken out plenty in my life." He tossed a journal down to Coulson. "The information Natasha didn't have. I didn't *exactly* keep track but that was my report journal." Coulson looked through it. Within pages you could tell he was a bit horrified. He was sitting a bit stiffer. Xander stared at Fury. "I'm not the guy you screw with, Fury. You had my daughter kidnaped. Even if you only took her from her kidnapers, you still handed her to Thor's people to kidnap her off realm."

"She's theirs," he said.

"No, she's mine. My biological daughter." He looked at Thor.

"My father had no idea that she might be more or less than the one child that would prevent some lower peoples from fighting against us again."

"I told him the prophecy you showed us," Clint said. Thor nodded he had. "I have to say, if Xander didn't go clean up that mess, I would've."

Coulson looked at him. "You may have been more subtle."

"I didn't have the weapons that Xander had stored underneath his skin, sir."

"He did?" he asked, looking at Xander. Who smiled and nodded. "Interesting." He went back to reading. "Was it due to this chaos mage?"


"I'd like to see how well that worked for agents going undercover." He went back to the reports. He paused then looked at Xander. "Sudan."

"I forgot that was in there. No comment." He stared at him then pointed at the president.

"I have heard about it and looked into that matter, Agent Coulson," the president said. "The only ones who have seen the results is myself."

"And me," Clint said.

"I let him," Xander agreed. "Just in case it's necessary information."

"I can agree with that," the president agreed. He looked at Coulson. "It is handled and known just in case."

"Good to know, sir; thank you for handling that for us." He went back to the reports. A few made him scratch his eyebrow with his thumb but the journal was fairly bland without extra information. He looked at his boss, showing him something. "That is probably what happened to our operative in that area."

Fury groaned, staring at Xander. "Zimbabwe?"

"I was there after the guy was. I just cleaned up the mess he left. I was rescuing a slayer that had been captured by that same group," Xander said.

"That's exceptional," Coulson said, taking the journal back. He went back to the reports. He held it out at one point. "You switched languages on purpose?"

"I was a bit high thanks to a local shaman. That was a vision I had," he said dryly. "He insisted."

"Which language is that in?"

"It's a more ancient version of Afrikaans with a southern leaning dialect."

"Can we translate that?" he asked.

"I have no idea what it says," Xander said. "I haven't ever known that language. That's what I heard it in and wrote it in but I have never known that one."

"We can use a computer to translate," Tony said, taking the journal to scan with his phone and uploading it. The language was tapped in and within a few minutes he had a translating starting. "Some words are still not fully translated." He let Coulson see it.

"Huh." He let Xander see it, watching him blush as he corrected some things. That made more sense and less smutty sense. "It looks like you foretold your daughter and a battle over her."

Xander read and nodded. "Apparently I did. Wow, I knew I was right most of the time." Belle came skipping over and tucked his phone back into his pocket before climbing up to look. "What?"

She pointed. "Is that a vision?" He nodded. "Wow, I was foretold." She grinned. He smiled back and kissed her on the head. "That's neat. That means I'm more special than Auntie Buffy is. No one foretold her." She climbed across him to sit in Clint's lap so she could talk to Steve again. He seemed very nice and he liked books. She might have to adopt this one and see if he'd date Unclie Clint so her daddy could have Auntie Natasha instead. She looked at her father then at her uncle, babbling in a language she and daddy knew.

Xander looked at his daughter. "It's got to be the medicine for the flu that's making you that demented, Daughter. It really has to be." She pouted, sulking some.

"What did you say?" Clint asked. "I'm not great in many languages other than English, sweetie."

Natasha cleared her throat. They had almost forgotten she was there. "She asked if you might like Steve because he likes books and seems nice. That way I could date her father instead." Xander nodded with a groan. "As charming as he is, Belle, I don't date like that."

She scowled at her. "Are you playing with my uncle?" she demanded.

She smiled back. "Yes but he said it was okay."

"Oh, well....." She sighed. "Does that mean I can't have cousins? Dawn said cousins can be nice."

Clint gave her a hug. "Some day you can have cousins as long as the bad guys don't hurt us too much, okay?" She nodded and snuggled in again.

Steve patted her on the back. "I need someone nice like your uncle but I don't have anyone yet. You can help me pick one." She grinned and nodded, leaning over to hug him.

"I'm going to puke," Fury muttered.

Belle, being a Harris child, pulled her uncle's gun and shot him in the arm. She smiled sweetly when it was taken from her by her uncle. "That's because you're a bad guy. Sweet, cute, innocent girls are always a test for bad guys. Normal guys have 'aww' moments instead of bad guy ones." The guards ran in. "It's okay, he was having a bad guy moment," she said with a smile. "He thought me being cute and nice and wanting cousins was a weapon that made you puke."

The guards stared at her. The head guard looked at Xander. Who shook his head and burst out laughing, pointing at the corner. She huffed but went to stand in it.

"She stole my gun," Clint told them. He looked at Xander. "She has pretty good aim." Xander burst out in new laughter, nodding as he got up and went outside to the garden for a minute to cackle in private. He looked at his niece then at Natasha, who sighed. "She'll need a training mentor," he noted.

"By then I may be too old." She sighed. "I would love to train Belle for her future as a slayer." Belle grinned at her. "Corner." She turned back around with a sigh. "You should never pull a gun unless you mean to do critical harm to another being," she said patiently. "Not just to irritate them." Fury glared at her. "It is a lesson she must learn."

Coulson cleared his throat. "We can go over handgun safety later, after the meeting. Sir, do you need a bandage?"

"Yes," he ground out. "I believe I do." He stomped off with one of the guards helping him to their clinic.

Xander came back in and leaned over his daughter's back to look down at her. "What is the rule on weapons?"

"I can only use a weapon when you or someone reasonable isn't there to help me because there's a bad guy or a monster. Weapons are a last resort after screaming, kicking, sometimes biting, and being a brat."

He kissed her on the head. "Very true so you are grounded, young lady. That was uncalled for in the extreme. You can even call Uncle Rupert to have him lecture you."

"Must I?" she whined.

"Um....yeah." He handed over the phone. "Sit there and confess. Don't make me add to it."

She sighed but dialed his number to talk to him. "Is Uncle Rupert in?" she asked. "No, I don't want to talk to you, bitch, put my uncle on."

"And that adds another day," Xander said dryly. "Even if that was Buffy or Willow." She nodded. "You have to be more polite than I am to them. That's my special name for them, dear." He sat back down. "I'm sure she's sorry," he told Hill, who was still looking a bit shocked.

"If she wishes to train as a true warrior wench, I will help her," Thor said.

"She's a future slayer, Thor," Xander said bluntly.

"Then if I am nearby when she is of training age, I will help." Xander nodded at that.

"Yeah, that showed a lot of promise," Clint agreed, grinning at Xander.

"It wasn't me. It was one of the boyfriends that taught her to shoot his beer bottles. She got him in the kneecap the second time he let her try it and told him to quit drinking. It smelled bad and yucky. He *so* spoiled her for that and bought her a whole new wardrobe."

Natasha winced. "That's reinforcement."

"I know. She needed the clothes and we had a long talk about weapons that night. I was down with dengue, again, and didn't realize he had taught her to shoot until he limped in that night."

"Why did we have dengue?" Clint asked. "First or second time."

"That time? A rescue that had went on much too long."

"You took her?" Bruce asked.

"No, I picked her up on the way back but I was already getting sick and she demanded we go to a hotel instead so I was nearer to a hospital in case. It was last year." He shrugged. "He picked us up from the hotel. I woke up in the nice, freshly cleaned bed that I hadn't sweated all over and she was learning to play poker."

Bruce shook his head quickly. "You need to date better."

"They're the ones who love me," Xander said with a grin. "I don't troll for boy or girlfriends. They pick me up."

"Daddy, you need to date someone like Auntie Natasha," Belle called from her corner.

"Go back to confessing, dear. She's taken." The president was trying not to laugh. Xander looked at him. "The first time they met, Belle tried to encourage her to flirt with me."

"She was charming about it," Natasha agreed. Fury stomped back in, glaring at the baby. Natasha glared back at him. "She is almost four, she has no idea it was that bad to do."

The head guard looked at the table. "Can we have the rest of you disarm?" he asked. The agents shook their heads. "Please?"

"What if someone busts in?" Xander asked.

"We're here for more than decoration, Harris."

Xander pointed. "Is that why one of my not real well liked former boyfriends is standing behind you?" He turned and that got him out of the way of Clint's knives and Natasha's gunshot.

Belle looked over. "Uncle Rupert said not to do that around me. I'm impressionable, whatever that means. And if it was a former Daddy boyfriend to please make sure he leaves me stuff so Daddy can pay for a good college for me."

"Tell Uncle Rupert you have one of those," Xander said dryly. "And yeah, he was but I'm not sure if he left a will or not." He leaned over to look. "You're still alive for some reason. You wanna answer that?"

"I was going to rescue you."

Xander grinned and pointed at Fury. "She stole Clint's gun and shot Director Fury."

The guy on the floor cooed. "I adore her. She's my true heir." He patted himself down, finding his phone. He hit a number. "Belle Harris is my only true heir," he moaned, then started to cough blood.

"You can't die until we put you up for trial," one of the guards said, hauling him out to the waiting ambulance so he could go to surgery in cuffs.

The head guard looked at them. "How about we move this somewhere less vulnerable?"

"Then I get my weapons back, right?" Xander asked. He looked at Clint, who nodded that was reasonable.

"I'm not sure it's healthy to do that," Bruce said.

"Maybe not but it's damn handy," Xander said.

"Yes but they might get set off and then you'd be a puddle of father. It might hurt your daughter as well," Bruce said.

"It shouldn't be able to do that." He considered it. "Most of them have more than a push button needed to start it. I can't use cases. We tried and it didn't work. It'll only stay shrank down when it's got my blood on it."

Coulson looked over. "We'd like to figure out how that works."

"I don't know magic that way."

"I thought you might know more about how it works?"

"Some. I can tell you and show you when I put stuff back." He looked at Bruce. "I'll switch types for most of them if it'd make you feel better."

"That might, yes. Something less than chemical weapons or explosives would be nice."

Xander shrugged. "I had them on hand and they were handy."

"I don't need to know why," Bruce said. Xander smiled.

"Me either," Stark said. "Since one of them was a long lost Stark prototype."

Xander looked at him then pointed at the bloody spot on the carpet. "Him."

"Thanks. I'll look into that."

Natasha shook her head. "He probably bought it from someone. He doesn't tend to operate as an arms dealer, Stark. He tends to be in information. He may have gotten it from his brother, who is in arms and drugs."

"I wouldn't know," Xander said. "The first time we met I had just shot his brother for offering me drugs in Lima."

She smiled at him. "We had wondered who had done that. Thank you for saving me that job."

He grinned back. "It was nothing. I was in a bit of a hurry anyway. I had to get back for the apocalypse before she was born."

Clint nodded. "I was there then but didn't see you." He looked at Xander then at Natasha. "The shooting in the club?" Xander nodded. "Huh."

"I don't like drugs."

"And now they're flirting," Fury complained, looking up. Then at Xander. "I tell you what, we'll give you Barton to fuck and you can have Romanoff on the side to keep you and the kid out of trouble. Okay?"

"First, don't say things like that around my daughter unless you want me to rip out your vocal cords," Xander said with a sweet grin. "Second, while there are warrior species that do participate in incest, I do not belong to one. What makes you think I want to have relations with my brother in that manner. Third, who made them your slaves to give away like that? I'm pretty damn sure that if they were interested in me, I would've been hit on by now." He stared at him. "Are you really that stupid?" Fury glared and reached for a gun. "You go right ahead," he taunted, smirking at him. "And then we'll see who wins." Fury pulled his gun. Xander made it across the table before he got shot and Fury was on his back on the ground screaming as Xander's nails ripped into his throat. "Aww, who's the baby man," he cooed, summoning a knife from somewhere to use on him. "What's wrong? Is the non-agent person a bit more badass?"

Natasha patted herself down. "I did not know he could summon knives."

"Me either," Clint said. "I think that's mine. Stab him once for me for thinking I wanted to participate in Pharaoh-like family relations."

"How about none of us stab anyone," Coulson said, getting up to stop Xander from killing his boss, or his boss from killing Xander. The Secret Service guys all helped, though they looked like they were going to let him do it. He looked at Xander. "I'm fairly certain he was being facetious."

"Unless that means he's full of shit, I don't care," Xander said bluntly.

"Not exactly. It more means he was being sarcastic." He pointed. "Sit please, Xander." Xander glared but sat down. Clint took his knife back. "Thank you, Barton."

"Welcome." He tucked it back into the holster. "When did you learn to summon things?"

"When I had ebola. I had some sort of mystical healing thing going on and it left me with very tiny bits of magic here and there."

"Huh. I needed that when I had the plague," Clint said. Xander hugged him. Clint patted him on the back. "We're not normal but we're family." Xander laughed and nodded, pulling back.

The president sighed. "I think we're done for the day. Let's let everyone go calm down and then we'll come back to it."

"I should go back to the bookstore," Xander said.

"You can go back to Stark Tower," the president said with a smirk. "Right, Mr. Stark?"

"Yeah, we don't mind Clint having family visit. Plus Belle will adore the library."

"Library?" she asked, hopping over to climb up his chair until she could lean over his shoulder to look him in the face. "You have a library?"

"I do, yes, and a gym you can play in tonight."

She grinned and kissed him on the nose. "If you want to date my Daddy, I'd like that." She wiggled over to her father and cuddled him. "You did good. He has big, huge owwies and Uncle Rupert said he'd be talking to him later so the owwies were a good thing." Xander cuddled her.

"We can hold tomorrow's talks up there," the head guard said. "That way Belle's not totally bored with the adult stuff." Xander smirked at him.

"I don't mind. We do have meeting rooms," Stark promised. "JARVIS can do some light babysitting."

Xander looked at him. "I can watch her."

"This way you're at the talk, kid."

Xander shrugged. "Maybe." He looked at his girl then at Stark again. "I think he's pretty well proved he's not sorry for kidnaping my daughter. Do we need to talk about it some more?"

The president nodded. "We need to get this settled since you're part of the earth's defense net, just like they are."

"I respect these guys," Xander said. "I respect Coulson. I almost respect Hill, even though she's a Vulcan. Isn't that enough?"

"Probably," he decided.

Xander grinned. "Then we're going to the bookstore and if one of the relatives wants to hang out they can do that."

"Come back to the one in New York for a bit," Clint said.

Xander looked at him and nodded. "I might be able to do that." He grinned. Clint smirked back. "Maybe next week?"

"Great for me," he promised. Xander smiled. Belle blew a kiss. Then Xander clicked something in his pocket and disappeared. Clint slumped. "I thought Xander was a nice guy most of the time."

"I think he is but he's a bit stretched," Steve said. "I would be too if they were threatening my child. It seems to be Xander's philosophy: treat others as they try to treat me."

"It might be," Clint agreed. "I still like the guy. If only because he ended up taking out someone who kept thinking I was for rent." He looked at Coulson. "Missions?"

"None in the pipeline that I've heard," he admitted.

Clint nodded. "Great. Let me go hang out with my baby brother then." He got up. Natasha followed.

Steve grinned. "It's good Clint's got family."

"I don't like kids and I like Belle," Tony said. "She's very special and a bit weird."

"It's not every four-year-old who can shoot and play poker," Coulson said. "Let's get back to the tower, people." They nodded. He saluted the president. "By your leave, sir?"

"Please do. I'm sure your director and assistant director are following you after we chat." Coulson nodded, heading out of harm's way with his team before the president shot them. He looked at Fury. "Do you really think it was the right thing to do?" he asked.

"I gave her to the people that had claim on her."

"Not that. Baiting the guy that's taken out a few very high problems." He stared at him. "You should have those cuts looked at, Fury. You're getting old, you didn't block half of them." He looked at Hill. "I believe you'll do an excellent job while he's taking a short vacation to heal?"

"Yes, I can do that, sir. Two weeks?"

"That's a great idea," he promised. She nodded and saluted then left them to chat. He clearly had something to say to Fury that she didn't need to hear. She did make a note in Harris' file to check on the child's training when she was closer to recruitment age but it kept getting deleted by someone.


Xander walked into that bookstore, smiling at the lady behind the counter.

"Xander," she said, staring in awe. "Long trip?"

"Yup. Clint wanted some time with her." He let her kiss Belle on the cheek. "So we're local again."

"Sure." She smiled at the baby. "I haven't seen you in months."

"I know." She grinned. "Daddy, potty." He put her down and let her run off to use it. "Eww, someone needs to clean." She used it anyway.

"So we'll be at the apartment here." She nodded at that. "Miranda has the one in Key West in case someone shows up."

"That's fine, Xander." She grinned. "How's her training going?"

"Pretty darn good, even though she decided to shoot someone recently." She moaned, shaking her head. "But he had helped her be kidnaped so....." He looked around. "All quiet?"

"Yup, it's a quiet week. No demons, only a few ladies buying smutty romance novels. So far it's been okay." He grinned, catching Belle when she ran out. "We'll spar with you later."

"Okay. I'll like that." She waved. "Let us go nap. It's been a long day." The slayer manning the store nodded so they left. "Daddy, when can we see Auntie Natasha and Uncle Clint?"

"When they show up."

"Oh. Can we call?"

"They'll know we're in town. They track some of the ex's," he said with a grin. She smirked back. They got a cab to their apartment and settled in. Belle found a tv station she liked and settled in to watch it while Xander made her a snack, then he laid down on the couch around her to nap while she ate. That worked for them. Even when Clint and Natasha showed up later, that was a good thing. They even brought Don, who she hadn't seen in forever. She got to play with everyone. Even if her silly Daddy was napping again. It was almost like a happily ever after for her.

The End.
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