Offspring In A New Life. by Voracity2
Summary: The further adventures of James, Xander, all the old gods, all the new gods, and new friends. Plus slaying, hunting, and general Xander wackiness.

Sequel to Offspring Of A Former Life.
Categories: Buffy Stories & Crossovers > Avengers, Buffy Stories & Crossovers > CSI/NCIS, Buffy Stories & Crossovers > Losers, Buffy Stories & Crossovers > Herc/Xena-verse Characters: None
Series: None
Chapters: 4 Completed: Yes Word count: 67691 Read: 144117 Published: 07/03/2014 Updated: 07/03/2014

1. Part 1 by Voracity2

2. Part 2 by Voracity2

3. Part 3 by Voracity2

4. Part 4 by Voracity2

Part 1 by Voracity2
Offspring In A New Life.






Xander Harris looked around the field he was standing in. It was not a good day to die. Then again, it was never a *good* day to die. Today just might be his day though. And then a female appeared. He looked at her. "Yes, ma'am?" he asked Demeter. Not his version but one from another realm; from the realm he was originally from.

"The ones here are banished," she said. "We must make allowances and plans, nephew."

He nodded. "I'll gladly do what I can but I have...." He waved a hand. "A huge thing to do first and not a lot of time to get it solved."

She looked, grimacing. "What are they doing?"

"They're going to open a gateway and call across an evil greater than the First Evil. Greater than Glorificus. And they're going to sacrifice all those people to the child so she grows quickly into the Goddess of Destruction," he said quietly. "Or so their hymns say."

Demeter grimaced. "Where is your fellow fosterling?" she demanded. He shrugged. "He should be handling this, not you. You are not slated for a job in the House of War."

Xander snorted. "If not, I've sure done a lot of it for no damn reason," he said dryly, staring at them. "I have to kill a kid. I hate it but I have to." He found his rifle. The portal was opening. He aimed and took the shot as soon as she stepped across, making everyone scream and wail in misery. Even the slaves that were going to be fed to her were wailing. "Do I really want to save them?" he asked himself.

"They may have volunteered," Demeter said. "Humans do strange things."

He looked at her. "Not all of them. There's children down there." She huffed. He looked and found a few searching for him. He decided something and looked at her. "Can I ask for a tiny favor?" Demeter arched her eyebrow up. "I need the crystal that's buried about there," he said with a point. They were all over but that one was partially sticking up. She looked and brought it up for him. He did something and added blood, chanting in an ancient African dialect. Then he added something to it.

He flipped that on and threw it at the warriors, away from the slave pens. The warriors who picked it up screamed and then died. The others were splattered with their blood and the blessing curse he had laid into the crystal. It spread from his blood to the ones that bled, to those that got splattered with it. The slaves all started to fight to get free. He nodded and walked off. "Thanks, Auntie Demeter. Let me know what you're going to have me doing."

She stared then at him. "How did you do that? You have no magic. You are only partially a warrior."

He looked at her. "A warrior is one who fights. Even if they weren't trained they're still warriors. I chose to become a warrior so one little blonde girl didn't have to save everyone by herself. And no matter how many times I curse myself for that decision I stand by it because it's important that I stay a hunter and warrior with the slayers," he said quietly. "I will fight for this world, even if they don't want me to, because I'm not ready to die yet.

"There hasn't been a good enough reason." She slumped, staring at him. "Warriors do what we must. The same as those of us who had to train with shaman due to our natural gifts that mean we're easily possessed have to do that job sometimes. I've done more than one honoring funeral of my enemies because they didn't know why they were fighting me." He shrugged. "The same as James does his as a warrior in a whole other war." He got into his jeep, staring at her. "I'm going to get a few beers. Want to join me?"

"No. I prefer wine, nephew," she said quietly. He nodded and drove off. She went home to talk to Ares. Apparently he had seen that when he had read the boy's mind. She hadn't but now she saw just how much of a warrior he was. He'd never do better in any other house. She appeared, staring at Ares. "Are they safe?"

"The captives got free to start a new life and not get feasted on," he said, saluting her with his glass of mead. "He did the right thing, even if he did use shaman gifts. He had a few ways he could've done that. I'm impressed he used that one instead of any others." He took a drink. "He'll be in the House of War." Demeter nodded. "Have you talked to James yet?"

"I cannot find him."

"Hmm. We'll see." She nodded, going back to her temple to think on things. Humans in that other realm were more fragile than they were. Perhaps a few older entities needed to awaken first? Before they fixed the whole oversight issue?

***

Xander found himself at a hut he had never seen before. He'd been here before but no hut. Now, not a large hut but a nice one. Well thatched, well tended garden. He knocked then walked inside when a female voice called out. "Ma'am, the local shaman said to come visit you." He stared at her and *knew*. "Mother."

She smiled, waddling over to him. "Alexander." She hugged him, getting cuddled back. "Give me a few minutes. I've got one last kid to have and then I'm done for good." She went into the back, coming out with a baby and looking much healthier. Still curvy, still had some softer flesh on her stomach, her breasts were enlarged with milk. Her hair was still bound with strips of cloth and the dress she wore didn't hide her shape but didn't exactly expose it either. It was simple homespun in brown and greens with blue trim. Xander smiled and took the baby to hold, making it coo. "He's a good boy."

Xander looked at her, giving back the baby when she reached for him. He didn't care if she nursed the baby in front of him. She wasn't the first he'd seen doing that. He sat down across from her. "You had me sent for, Mother?" he asked quietly.

She nodded. "They're going to have to activate position holders."

Xander nodded. "I saw Demeter during my last incident I had to stop."

She nodded. "You did good. All the slaves were freed to find a real life and families." He smiled. "It's a hard life you live, Xander."

"I know, but if I don't no one else will. No one girl, or a whole lot of slayers, should have that burden."

"No, they should not." She stared at him. "You are of the House of War by birthright."

He grinned. "My father was a chaos god but my mom is one of Bacchus' priestesses."

"I'm sure he's proud of you as well. He always hated the misborn." Xander nodded. "Demeter wanted to put you in something else."

Xander shook his head. "It won't work and she knows it won't work. She wasn't amused earlier when I proved that a warrior does what needs to be done, even if he's not an officially trained warrior."

"There is that point. Would you consider taking over the spot of chaos? It will mean that you're immortal but you may sleep for most of eternity unless you ascend to take on a better form. This mortal shell won't hold it."

"I'm not that normal or that mortal, Mother. The hyena and the mermaid taint fixed that." She stared then tested him. The baby she was feeding squeaked in alarm. Xander smiled and smoothed a hand over his head. "I will not harm you unless you try to take out humanity. You never have to fear from me." She smiled and patted his cheek. "How would I learn to use the powers?"

"It'll be slowly fed to you. We can't just give you the full power of the position. There's a spirit attached to most of them but not a physical, corporeal being. There has to be a physical being and as you take on more and more of the duties, you'll get more of the power and benefits." Xander nodded. "You wouldn't have access to do magic." He sighed and shook his head, staring at her. "I can sense the shaman skills. That's not magic."

"No, it's not the same. Then again, I'm real familiar with chaos mages too."

"I've seen." She gave him a pointed look. He just grinned back. "For now, how many of you from there are here."

"Four that I'm certain of. Me, Tony, James, and Jake."

"Tony is the grandson of War." Xander nodded. "What's he like?" He pulled up his few memories of Tony to let her see it. She could track him from them. She hummed. "Not bad. Not in the house of War. Who is Jake?" He did the same thing and she giggled. "He's adorable."

"He'd make a good replacement for Hermes. He's good at communicating and he's still playful enough for his more wild roles. The only problem would be his escort of certain honored dead."

"I could definitely see that. Would he agree?"

"I don't know but I know I need to butt into their lives to save their asses. They've got someone evil on them. Or I should actually tell James."

"Where is James?"

"No idea. He's still healing and gathering the newly released memories. His mind had been compacted like a trash compactor then whited out too many times."

She nodded. "I heard. Hm. Send James a message."

Xander pulled out his phone to call him. "James, me. Huge big shit but not mine. No, I'm with the Mother. Yes, that Mother. Where am I usually? No, Jake. His whole team is going to have an issue. I sent him the vision I had but there's a slightly psychotic asshole who's playing Caesar." Mother Nature snorted, shaking her head. "He's trying really hard, Mother. For that I'd like to stick a spear up his ass. Especially with his sonic nuclear weapons." He listened to James, he knew who that was. "Yeah, that's Jake's team. Can you? Thank you. Yes, they're about to stumble into it. If you can't get there first, they'll be in Bolivia." He grinned. "Have fun. Jake's a fun guy and one of us. Yeah, that's Jake. Yup, formerly part Centaur. Yup, have fun with those weapons." He hung up. "He'll go help." She leaned over to kiss him on the tip of his nose and suddenly he felt lighter. "Thank you, Mother," he said quietly.

"War does not suit your inner nature, Xander, but sometimes you do what you have to do. You learned that lesson too early."

He nodded. "But it was important and still is."

She nodded. "I can see that. When he's done, have James and Jake come to me." She stroked over his cheek. "Come, we'll nap." He crawled onto the bed with her and cuddled, sighing as he fell into a dreamless sleep for once. "I had hoped your nature would have been softer, child. No one deserves that." She cuddled him. He needed comfort for all he had seen and done.

***

James, also known as the Winter Soldier, dropped out of the trees, nodding at Jake. "Xander sent me."

"I saw that. How can we be sure?" he asked.

"His name is Max."

Jake looked that name up, taking the CD James held out. "Oh, fuck," he said. That made the rest of his team quit staring at James and stare at him instead. "It was right, Clay." He let him see it.

"Xander's not wrong on more than time," James said. "I've already had the kids in the local village removed because he had people out to gather them." Jake grinned. "That's not how it goes." He walked off. "He'll have the weapons in LA in a few weeks. I'll tag the building and then leave. You guys flee before they take you out anyway." They packed up and left.

Clay glared at his tech support geek. "Who. Is. That?" he demanded with a point.

"That's the friend of a friend. Remember me talking about Xander?" Clay nodded once. Jake had babbled about that new friend he had met who did weird, warrior things. "That's a friend of his. He sent him to help us."

"Why?" Roque asked.

"Because Xander has visions, like I got sent," Jake said. He stared at him. "Did you want to end up dead after turning on us?" Roque shook his head. "Then let's go. We can let the Winter Soldier handle it." Clay stiffened, staring at him. "He's been rescued and healed. Long story in his case." He got everything packed up and they left, him and Cougar going to the jeep before anyone. Pooch followed. The team leader, Clay, and his second-in-command, Roque, followed after a short stare at each other. They'd interrogate Jensen later. Especially after they heard that the chopper they were supposed to be evaced out on got blown up by someone that hadn't been Russian.

Clay appeared before his superiors after all the information gathering and sharing was done with, shaking his head. "We got removed first by someone weird that knew what was going on, sir." His superior officer stared at him. Clay stared back. "We've already turned over that information to CID and NCIS because Jensen knew someone there he could trust." His superior officer tried to shoot him, which brought guards. Then he shot himself as the guards came in to stop it. Clay panted, holding his side. "He's a lousy shot," he complained to the general that stomped in. "General, I'm Colonel Clay and that one set my team up to die on purpose for an international arm dealer's fun."

"Can you prove that, Colonel?" the general demanded.

"Yes, sir, and the information's already with CID and NCIS." The general growled. Clay got helped up and onto a stretcher. "We had a Council person help us, sir. That's how fucked it was. Then he tried to shoot me."

"He shot himself as we rushed in, sir," one of the guards reported. "Colonel Clay's not even wearing a gun."

"I knew not to. Someone here was in with that guy Max. I'm not the threat but I'll be damned if I'm going to lose good men to that shit. Guys, let's get me stitches before I have a cranky second?" They nodded and took him off. They had heard about Roque and they did not want to go there.

The general called over to CID, who told it was an open investigation, they hadn't known about that commander, and that they'd be checking more of them thanks to a tip that got sent to NCIS by one of the Council people. The general stomped off to report that the Council was interfering in Army matters. The higher ups at the Pentagon just grimaced but said sometimes it had to happen. When one found out why, he warned his boss Max, but he was found out because of it. The nice people at NCIS had been tracking their phones.

***

Xander looked up from his meditating in the local village when he heard a jeep, getting up and walking over to hug Jake. "Hey. You survived."

"I did." He grinned. "You look like hell."

"It... let's just say that the Army's now mad at me too." He grinned a tiny grin. "Pity about them getting drunk and gambling with demons." Jake shuddered. "They won't eat them but they'll be nicely docile when they're given back some day. Someone will have to pay off their poker debts to get them out of slavery." He nodded at the rest of the guys. "Hi. I'm Xander."

"Thank you for that head's up," Clay said.

Xander nodded. "Not a problem. I'd hate for that to have happened for real. I'm kinda hoping that you guys know decent soldiers who can take some of my job for the Council and the slayers." He grinned. "Let me talk to Jake?" They shrugged. Xander led Jake to the hut.

"Jake," the Mother said, hugging him to her.

"Mother," he sighed, cuddling back. "You're all right."

"I've been mostly fine, baby." She smiled at the fussing grandchild but Xander had her to cuddle and calm down. "You're good."

"I should be. I've had some practice with my slayer's daughter." He settled on one of the stools, letting Jake have his cuddles. Jake wiped off his cheeks and sat down next to Xander, taking the baby to coo at. It made her happy.

"You're very good, Jake. I'm sure you've had the new dream from Demeter?" He looked up and nodded. "Do you have any idea?"

"Not a single one."

Xander nudged him with a grin. "Hermes."

"I... Huh. I might not mind that." He smiled and kissed Xander. "You need that."

"I need many things," he said dryly. "That's just one in my life presently but there's no one here to date since I can't settle down yet."

"I know that feeling." He let her have the baby back. "She's adorable."

"One of the many grandchildren." She smiled at them. "Will you accept, Jake?" He nodded. "Good boy. We'll get you all together soon."

"I found another one. His name's Clint. He's a sniper."

"Wow, that makes two," Xander quipped. "James is too." Jake looked at him. "He was."

"There's nothing on him in the system."

Xander smiled. "He'd appreciate that."

"Yes, I would," James said as he walked in. He looked at Xander. "What did you do?"

"Which time?" he asked with a sigh at the end, staring at him.

"The last one. I have no trouble with you taking down that demon child or the other thing you had to handle with the possessed animals. Though I'm wondering *how* you did it." Xander nodded, swallowing. "What happened?"

Xander shrugged. "I almost called you but by then it was way too late." He stared up at him. "I couldn't get Willow, no matter how hard I tried. I tried to get the girls evacuated." Willow appeared. Xander stood up, glaring at her. "Now you show up? Why didn't you show up when I was desperately trying to get you!" he demanded.

"What? I answer you all the time!" she shot back.

"I tried your phone. No answer. I tried the house phone, got one of the minis who said you were watching tv and weren't allowed to be bothered under threat of being cursed. I tried the emergency stones you gave me to summon help. Nothing." He stared at her. "Because you were too damn selfish to answer, there's three slayers in the hospital locally and two are dead. You could have evacuated all of them since they're just kids but you chose to watch tv and ignore desperate pleas, even when I screamed for you," he finished coldly. "Not one fucking word, Willow. Giles heard and he mourned for them but you...you and I are going to have a talk about irresponsible behavior."

"I am not!" she shouted back. "I'm not irresponsible and I never heard you. It couldn't have been that bad. If you had let the slayers handle it they probably wouldn't have gotten hurt!"

He slapped her as hard as he could. "They were *children*. The oldest one is seven." She flinched, shaking her head. "Yeah! Some of the slayers called into being are little fucking kids!" he shouted with a point toward the hospital. "I tried to get you to save them but your little fit of the day meant they couldn't get away from the thirty *humans* there to kill them for being slayers." He sneered. "Or the backup force that came after them thanks to a few religious nuts." She stepped back, shaking her head. "Yeah. Humans. Guess what, not something a slayer can do anyway." He glared at her. "You are in deep shit with me."

"How did you handle it?" James asked quietly, putting a hand on Xander's arm. Xander shook him off. "Xander?" he asked more firmly.

Xander looked at him. "I did what I had to do and I blessed their bodies and remains to Bacchus. I'm pretty sure he got happy with the new offerings of blood. Then I blew up the others. That safehouse spell I had," he said, glaring at Willow. "Can still be blown up from a distance. That's how most of them died. They couldn't manage to blow it up closer but one accidentally shot something into it from nearby and that made it explode with them in it." She whimpered, shaking her head. "Yeah, it did. For that, they all died. Every. Last. One." Willow disappeared, crying. Xander huffed but sat down. He rubbed his forehead. "I need to go smite her."

"No smiting," Jake said quietly, giving him a hug. "It's hard. Even if it's not your first time."

"No, my first humans I thought were still alive and were new zombies," he said quietly. "Then I blew up the chaos sorcerer responsible." He hugged him back. James awkwardly patted him on the head. "Thanks, guys. I'm...still really fucked up over that."

"I always thought Willow was more of Morrigan's line than of Hecate," Mother Nature said quietly. "Hecate had patience and less temper plus a lot less selfish moments." The guys all smiled at her. "Plus she has the red hair."

"Unless she goes full dark magic then it's black and black eyes," Xander quipped. "That's how I nearly died thanks to her."

"I noticed," Mother Nature said. "I would've kicked her ass if I had been awake." Xander nodded. "Jake, go get your boys set up to camp for the night. We have much to talk about. James, you can rest in here."

"Thank you, Mother," he said quietly. "It's peaceful."

"The nightmares can't come," Xander said, staring at him. "Mine don't." James nodded. "C'mon, we'll let those two talk." He and Jake walked out together. "Sorry if you heard me screaming at Willow," he said to the staring people. "She had a duty to help the slayers, the same as I do, and she fell down on it." He looked at Clay. "We're working out something that's going on. Can you guys camp?"

"We're hiding," Pooch said. "We can camp very well."

Xander smiled. "Thanks, guys. If the short redheaded, huffy woman shows up, just get out of the way. She'll curse you or turn you into something and then be mad at you because you made her do it." They all grimaced. "She's our head witch." He walked off. "Let me go hunt something, Elder."

"Please, Xander. You do it so well." He smiled at the boys. "You're welcome to share our village fire."

"Thank you," Clay said. "We'll protect you while we're here." The elder smiled and nodded, walking off. "Losers, let's camp." They all nodded. Clay pointed at Xander and Cougar followed. He was their camp food hunter. He could easily help. Jake helped them set up then went to talk to the stranger in the hut. He backed out smiling and settled down in front of it with the grandkid he had borrowed. He missed his niece being this age.

"Is she a wise woman?" Pooch asked quietly.

"That too." He smiled. "She's also a healer. Xander's trained as a shaman so he was probably working with her on something." He saw Willow reappear and put the baby back into the hut but away from the doorway. "Willow."

"Who are you?" she demanded.

"Like Xander, I was sent over here to be reborn," he said in Latin. She stared, eyes wide. He shrugged then grinned. "He's off hunting for dinner for the village."

"I did not hear any of those calls."

"That's not his fault," he said. "That's yours. You made the emergency stone. You didn't answer when he yelled. You didn't answer your phone. He tried his best and had to do the worst thing even soldiers like me know about." She slumped. "It's not his fault you did not answer," he said slowly and clearly. "You yelling at him about it isn't going to help."

"Giles wants him home."

"Giles can wait. We're helping him through having to kill about fifty people to save the ones he could." She shuddered and turned green. "If you had answered, he could've had the girls evacuated and side-stepped around it. Instead, he had a battle to protect them. Because no one lets children into battle."

"They don't have the essence if they're that old."

"That means some people consider them a brighter target," Clay said. "Easier to take out a kid that doesn't have gifts." She glared at him. "They'd think it was. They go after normal soldiers instead of special ops for the same reason."

"We don't like military people," she sneered.

"Xander and I like each other a lot," Jake said dryly. "You don't like military people. There's plenty that wasn't in that program, Willow. That wasn't even a hundredth of one percent of the army. There's ten percent of any armed forces branch that aren't the greatest of humans but not all of us and all of us are the sort that would've stepped in to help the girls with their duty and backed them up properly while protecting them." She glared. He stared back. "They would." James came out and Willow screamed then fled. Jake looked up at him. "Did you torture her?"

"No. Not yet. I made some feelings known however." He went back in there, picking up the kid to hand back. He came back out. "Xander?"

"Food," Clay said. "Why are you friends with Xander? Everyone says you're like the boogey man."

James smiled. "Thank you." He walked off.

"Long, long story," Jake said, shaking his head. "Including the fact that he's like I am."

"A geek?" Clay asked. "Or that thing you said about being sent here to be reborn?"

"That." He settled in to tell them about the orphanage and that town in the other realm in Ancient Greece. James could calm Xander down and it was good for him to lean on James since he was clearly the head of the House of War now.

***

James came in that night from watching over the local village. There were some people who weren't up to any good up the road, Xander had pointed them out to him in warning while hunting dinner, and now he was worried. He looked at the Mother, who shrugged. She patted the bed and he grimaced. "I don't cuddle."

"You can sleep up here, James. You need the real rest. I'll make sure you sleep tonight," she said quietly. Xander was against her back, snuffling now and then into her hair. James climbed up almost reluctantly but a night of real sleep without nightmares sounded like heaven most of the time. He carefully laid down but she just rested on his human shoulder and hummed a bit, like she would to one of the kids. He drifted off before he realized it and stayed there all night.

Jake tapped gently then leaned in the next morning, smiling at the picture they made. He put the buckets of water the locals had him carry in next to the doorway and ducked back out before anyone woke up. Xander had his face buried in her hair and one arm around her stomach. He looked happy, he was smiling in his sleep.

James had shifted and was now nuzzling her chest. Still asleep but seeking the natural cure to half of what was wrong with him. He finally latched on and moaned as the milk fixed the semi-nourished tissue he had. He hadn't had a proper meal in quite a while, only eating for survival instead of nourishment. He wrapped his metal arm over her and went at it like it was life's blood and he needed it. Which he probably did. She smiled and stroked over his hair. When Xander woke up and kissed her shoulder, she smiled at him. "Go clean up," she mouthed. He nodded and slid off the bed to do that out back. She let James stay as long as he needed to. His body would tell him when it'd had enough.

He woke up mid-suckle and blinked then up at her, blushing. "Sorry."

She stroked his cheek. "It's the nourishment your body needs to fully recover, James," she said gently. "You're not fueling yourself properly and you're not paying attention to human needs yet. It's all part of recovering." She kissed him on the cheek. "You're not the first. Xander has as well. So have some of the children in the village that got injured." He nodded, looking at his hands. She grinned, nudging his chin with her thumb. He looked at her. She smiled. "Some day you'll find your mated one and you'll bring him to introduce me. I won't mention this if you don't want me to."

He snorted. "I'm too screwed up for that."

"You're not. You've healed a lot."

"I've done...."

"You are a warrior, James. The duty sits heavy, especially when they made you a toy to play with, but you've been one since you were a child when you stuck up for those who were weaker. In that way, you and Xander are much alike." He nodded. She tweaked his ear. "Some day one of my handmaidens will find you adorable as well."

"I'm not."

"You are. Plus very sweet. Some day you'll find what you need." He looked at her. "I promise you will. And I can also foresee that another of the children is near that one."

"What one?"

"I believe Jake called him Clint."

"Huh."

Xander walked in with food, putting it onto the low table beside the bed. "Clint? That's the guy that's with SHIELD, uses the bow," he told James. "I caught him out on assignment but he was bothering someone I really wanted to die horribly so I just walked away after watching. Yeah, he's one of us but I have no idea how to tell him since he didn't feel the pull toward that battle." He kissed him on the forehead. "A protection," he said at the scowl. "Because some day soon you'll have to run back out there to save someone."

"Vision?" she asked, sitting up.

"Yup. Mass attack in New York." He shrugged. "We may be able to change some of it." He shrugged again. "No clue on that yet." He left them to talk. Then he came back. "Who's the blond-ish guy you used to protect?"

"Steve?" he asked, looking confused.

"Yeah, I guess. Used to draw? Wore the spangly uniform?"

"Steve." James was starting to get an old feeling about Steve being in the middle of trouble.

"He's in the battle. Against an alien invasion."

James stared at him. "Seriously?"

"Yeah." He walked back and shared it with her, and she let him see it. "That him?"

"Yes! Fuck!" He stood up, looking at her. "Can you tell when?"

"A few months or so." She smiled. "You'll do fine, James. Including in the new position."

He nodded. "I'd rather it went to someone like Steve. He's...he's *good* and he's moral."

"Since when has war been moral?" Xander asked. James glared at him. "Is it? A lot of it's been about greed, even if there's a good reason behind the war for humanitarian reasons. The higher ups usually could care less about the humanitarian needs. The average soldier may but not be able to because of what they're doing. Look at our current wars. Or the one you were in. Were the prisoners a main target or just a 'we're near there, let's free them' target?"

"The main target was to take out Hitler, kid."

"How long did they know about the camps before they took them out?" Xander countered. "How many could have been saved if they got there sooner?"

"Too many. It's something none of us want to think about. Most of the time we weren't anywhere near there and the prisoners were too weak to escape."

"I know. Was it always that way?"

"No. We could have freed them months sooner in a few cases."

"Exactly. You have morals. That's more than some warriors have. Most of us have really broken ones." James swatted him with the metal hand. "Ow! Mean shit."

"Retire."

"I can't. No one else is going to do that. Not even Ward and the ones they trained. They're using those skills for SHIELD and if a major battle happens they step in. What about the normal patrol things? The handling things down here where there's not enough slayers? No one else is interested in that."

"We can find you one," James said. "Jake might know a few."

"I'd kiss and fuck him if he did." Mother Nature laughed, smiling at them. "I would. He looks like he'd be fun in bed too."

"Yes, I am," Jake called. "We know six or seven who could handle the duty and three are applying with Mr. Giles since they're retired. The others are still active duty and wanted to get the training stuff in now." He leaned in with a smile. "They're probably going to be taking over Central or South America instead of here. Not too many guys are trained for Africa these days." Xander nodded, looking like he got it. "We'll find someone so at least you've got another adult to lean on."

"Thanks, Jake." He walked out to kiss him, making his team laugh. "He found me backups so I'm not the only one. Maybe even someone to come down here someday so I'm not the only one on this continent."

Roque sat up straighter. "How many girls are there?"

"There had been eight, and an infant ninth. Now there's six and the under-yearling. The oldest is fourteen." Roque slumped, staring at him. "I've got them in more protective areas because of the shit that's went on. I do what I can and I make sure they're as protected as I can but I'm only one guy. Sometimes the threat's too big and I end up handling it with people who'd rather kill the demon and the slayers than just the demon. Or there's something like a religious militia group. I've already removed one slayer completely from Nigeria twice. She had went back for a family wedding and we had to move the rest of the family out of Nigeria."

"Fuck," Clay muttered. Xander nodded. "We can help."

"I'd really like that. The last one I had to handle had militia guys and then an Imam called up villagers to take out the girls as well. We were caught between them with no way to evacuate them thanks to Willow. We have three that're sick and two that I've had to mourn."

Clay looked at his team and they all nodded. "We can help with that." Xander hugged him. "Get off," he said but he was smirking.

"Two of them are in Cote d'Azur."

"Shit, pirates," Jake muttered, looking them up.

"No, I took them out last year," Xander said dryly. "They know better." They stared at him. He grinned. "I need the weapons and they were bothering the girls. I haven't been able to fully run the slave market out of the area but I've tried each time I'm near her. The explosives I took off the pirates were handy." He grinned. "Against the two demon gangs trying to capture people to sell too."

Clay grimaced but nodded. "We'll stop there first."

"Thank you. Can you stop at the one on the way and check on her and the baby? She's nervous and won't tell me why. Considering the baby's because I had to pull her out of a war zone...."

"Yeah, we can do that. Give us a map," Pooch said. Xander got into his things, pulling the map he had out to show them. "We'll hit these two. You hit this one," he said.

"I need to hit her soonish," Xander said. "Portents down there are saying something big's going to happen, on the level of a huge demon cult." They all nodded. "I can swing by. She's actually the oldest mini now." They all nodded and made plans. Xander had his few he had to handle. Then they'd meet up again.

Xander walked back to where James was sitting. "You need to warn him."

"He doesn't know about me." He looked up. "It'll kill him."

Xander leaned down. "Then send him an email and sign my name on it."

"Not my style. I need to see him in person."

"You need to stay away from the people who fucked you up," he said bluntly. "No one's gotten them down yet." He grinned. "But I have an idea on that. It would blow your cover but maybe you should show up on his doorstep. Go 'hi, you haven't seen me in about seventy years', wait for him to punch you in the nose, and then tell him to beware of Loki having earth invaded by aliens." Mother Nature was laughing. "Pretend to be a missionary? Suggest he switch from whatever religion he is to the Ancient Greek pantheon?" James scowled. Xander grinned. "Might help some day." He walked off. "I'm going to handle stuff. Mom, I'll be back in a few weeks."

"Yes, dear. Please be careful of that cult. They are not puny, Xander."

"Yes, ma'am."

James shook his head, watching the others leave. He got up with a sigh but he went back inside to talk to the ultimate counselor. She already knew everything and could help him figure out how to tell Steve.

***

Nick Fury was watching a World Security Council meeting, being bored by the speeches, when the head of the Council suddenly said 'hail, HYDRA' and then cleared his throat and apologized, he had no idea why he said that.

That was very interesting.

He went to spread the new regulations and the ideas they were punting around with the staff. Suddenly a bunch of them belted out 'hail, HYDRA'. "What the fuck?" he demanded. "That can't be a spell."

Willow appeared, nodding. "It is but it's one of decloaking." She pointed at Maria Hill. "Try to say it."

"Hai....." She burst out coughing and choking. Willow got her some water. She tried it again but her voice cut off.

Fury looked at the agents then at Willow. "You?" Agents were making sure none of the spouting ones were going to move.

"I'm pretty sure Xander went to a chaos sorcerer and asked him to do it. Something about a vision he never told us about." She shrugged. "I felt it go off and followed it to see what was going on in case it was evil. What's HYDRA?"

"Super bad people," someone said dryly, glaring at the person next to him. "Say it again?"

"I....I.... Sir!" he pleaded.

"Each of you try to say it," Fury ordered, getting security teams up there. He stared at Willow. "When did it start?"

"Two hours ago."

"Fuck!" He stomped off. "Hill, handle this! One of the Security Council is turned!" He ran off to catch him and stop him.

"Wow, I guess they're super bad crapheads." Willow looked at Hill, smiling. "Can I help?"

"Yes, you can. Help us contain anyone who can actually say it." She looked around. "Start by row." She pointed at the one next to her. Anyone who fought got shot in the leg or the arm by a few agents in the back of the room. Romanoff, Barton, and Ward didn't really miss.

Willow walked back there when it was their turn. "Hi, Grant."

"Willow." He saw the expectant looks. "Hail...." He dropped his guns onto the floor. "I still support the slayers, Willow. I want to back them up."

"HYDRA does things like the NID only on prisoners," Natasha Romanoff said quietly.

"Then we'll have to talk about the backup agents," Willow admitted. "Xander might have to get huffy and complain." She looked at the guy. "You're like Xander, aren't you?"

"Am I?"

"The whole reborn thing?"

"No clue." He looked at Hill, who shrugged.

"The battle in DC," Willow said. "I'll ask Xander. He can tell you." She looked at them. They both tried to say it and failed. She smiled. "That's good." She walked off. "I'll talk to Giles and Buffy about the backup agents and Ward, Agent Hill."

"Willow, being HYDRA is treason," she said.

Willow looked at her. "So was being Riley Finn. He's now in Homeland after the UN thinned their hunting program."

"We'll talk about it," she said. Willow smiled and went to tell the others. They all liked Grant and Buffy liked to flirt with him. Proved her tastes in men was still spot on.

***

Xander showed up where James was lurking, shaking his head. "Do it like the girls would. Give him a peek, then disappear. Then show up a few days later looking almost like yourself, let him spot you, then disappear. Let him find you."

James looked at him. "Why are you here?"

"Because Loki's here. It's soon. He just took over Barton."

"Fuck."

"Yup." He grinned, holding up something. "To unbrainwash him quickly. It'll absorb into the crystal. Just gotta get it around his neck."

"I... how am I supposed to do that?"

"Ask Romanoff. The vision showed her doing it."

"Do I know her?"

"Yeah. You helped train her."

"Oh, Natalia...." He stiffened, staring at him. Xander shrugged and grinned. "You go make sure she gets it."

"Yup, I can do that." He waved. "I'm going under the power of the chaos sorcerer who owes me his life." He disappeared, landing in front of a woman on the deck of the helicarrier. "Madam," he said, making her flinch and look at her. He held up the necklace. "It will help unbrainwash him by sucking it from him. Get it around his neck somehow."

"Who are you?" she demanded, not touching it. Her hand was near her gun.

He grinned. "I'm Xander. I'm with the Council. I had the vision of the earth being invaded soon." He waved it. "It'll help. I had it made for him." She took it delicately. "It'll suck out the possession, which is what this is. There's methods to block it later. There's a huge, boring book full of them that only work half the time if you do them during the possession and ten that work really well but are meditative. I got taught them because it's been a problem for me in the past." He smiled. "The slayers can help if you want them to. Have him find me for the meditations." He disappeared.

She looked at the people staring at her, shrugging. "I have not dealt with the Council. They're all weird." She walked off, taking them inside. She had a word with Hill, who passed that on to Fury. The lab took the crystal to look over. She could grab it if necessary.

***

Six days after the battle, James walked into a hospital room like he owned it. He didn't but he was going to beat the ass of the man in the bed. James leaned on the beside rail, squeezing it. "I'm going to teach you how to raid a base properly. Including how to plan things," he said coolly. "Also about how to plan how much ammo you might need and other relevant topics."

"I had to."

"One of those talks will be asking for backup."

"It's a concept I've heard of but not possible this time," Xander quipped sarcastically, staring at him. "Where did you want this mythical backup to come from? Clay and his team were in lower Africa. You were here. I was there. The only reason I'm here right now is because the government there sent me home for a few days so I could recover without people trying to get me back for doing that. A few of the remaining members of that group tried."

"Why didn't you call the local military?"

"Because they were paying them," Xander shot back. "The life of one or two girls, even special ones, didn't matter. They were taking things from the villages to give over in payment so they left the local villages alone. They warned me not to handle it. That another slayer would be called. The commander of the local military even admitted they tried to pick orphans so no one would complain on their behalf." James winced, shifting his stance. "I did what I had to do."

"You ran out of ammo."

"Twice," Xander said. "Sorry but had to happen. They over a hundred extra people I had to knock out enough so I could get the girls out of there and let people handle it. Their enemies were very handy this time. Bradlin was more than *happy* to help me." James scowled. Xander stared back. "At least he'd never hurt one of the slayers."

"No, but still not the point. Did you try calling me?"

"You're busy."

"I'm not busy. Really." He stared at him. "I would've come."

"That was the same day as the invasion and you were helping. You. Were. Busy." He stared back. "I should find whatever nagging spell Willow put on me and end it. That way no one else nags me like I'm their wife."

"I'd never marry you, Xander. You make crap cookies over a campfire." He stood up, staring at him, arms crossed over his chest. "You still could've called. At least left me a message. I had to find out you had been evacuated back here thanks to your cohorts."

"I didn't tell them so I have no idea who did."

"The State Department probably." He stared at him. "You're staying in that bed."

Xander snorted. "Again, not the wife. Hello! Not yours to order either. We're not partners, we're not lovers, and you're not my spouse."

"Are you suicidal?"

"No!"

"Are you certain?" He stared at him again. "You're staying the full time the doctors want you to. Then we'll go over how you assault a base to sneak in and get people out."

Xander shook his head. "I doubt that." Someone walked in. They both looked at him then Xander looked at James. He could see the scared look in his eyes. "There, go nag your actual friend. Since I know you just tolerate me most of the time."

"I don't."

"Tolerate me? That figures," Xander said dryly.

"Be a good boy like Steve here and stay in that bed. We'll discuss what you did wrong in a few days when you get out."

"I can come back when you two quit arguing about your relationship," Steve offered quietly. He was staring at a ghost and the ghost was arguing with the guy from the Council that had freaked some people out.

"I'd never fuck him. He'd never let me on top," Xander said dryly. "I've been helping him figure out the memory thing that HYDRA did to him and helping him heal. He's been helping me with a few things I've had to do in Africa to help the slayers. That's all, dude."

James patted him on the head. "He's got stupid, heroic ideas," James said, glaring at Xander. Who just smiled back. "That're going to get him killed and then no one will be there for the slayers."

"Clay and his guys can."

"Uh-huh. Keep yapping," James warned. "Watch me beat you like a rookie, Xander. I'm a master at hand-to-hand and you're barely trained."

Xander shrugged. "Who said I fight fair?" He smirked and squeezed something. James took the smoke bomb and threw it into the bathroom. By then Xander was out of the bed and out of the window. James followed him. "You should go back to your boyfriend, James. Before he thinks you abandoned him for me or something else weird. Who knows what Fury did to his mind." He concentrated and figured out how to send himself other places. "Ha!" He turned and ran into his mother. "Hi, Mom." He hugged her. "Am I back over here?"

"For now. You're injured."

"I had to take out most of a group of people to get my slayers free. Including stealing their guns when they had more people than expected so I ran out of bullets."

She slapped his cheek gently, dragging him off. "Lord Bacchus, my son has returned to heal his injuries." The partying bacchi all cheered and pulled him down to join their orgy.

"Cool! I need sex," he cooed at one. "No one ever wants to sleep with me."

Back at the hospital, James climbed back into the window and looked at Steve from across the bed. At least there's no urge for Steve to hit him by the look on his face. "He drives me absolutely batty."

Steve smiled because he got that same look many times over the years he'd known Bucky. "That's good to know. Are you sure you're not together?"

"No! He never made me feel happy like you used to."

"You have the memories all back?"

"Three quarters," he admitted, grimacing some. "Every now and then I get a new bunch that open up and I spend the next few days trying hard not to think. Xander's a good remedy for those days. I follow him around and help him handle things." He sat on the edge of the bed. "He wanted me to do the girlish thing and let you catch sight of me a few times."

"I saw you during the invasion. That's why I tracked you down through SHIELD. Director Fury is not amused."

"I'm not amused at HYDRA." They stared at each other. "So.... Cryo storage?" He waved a hand at Steve's unchanged body.

"Arctic ice. Cryo storage?" James nodded. "I... damn, Bucky." He moved closer.

"I haven't been called that in months." He slumped a bit with a sigh. "Xander calls me James. It helps sometimes because I'm not that guy, Stevie. I've...I've done a lot of things."

Steve nodded. "We've both done a lot of things."

"Have yours ended up with puddles of blood?"

"A few times but it was important."

"Mine...I wasn't always in control of that."

"Then that's not your fault." He moved closer and hugged him. "We saw the battle in DC when I asked," he said quietly.

"I was barely coming out of the mental programming then."

"You looked okay with the sword."

Bucky smiled at him. "Thanks." He stared at him. "You okay?"

"I..." He closed his mouth and looked at him. "I'm a bit weird right now."

"Yeah, me too but I think it's because Xander's killing my patience. I used to have patience. Even when I was programmed."

Steve smiled. "Are you sure you two aren't dating?"

"Yup. He cuddles. Not my thing." He stood up. "I need to track him down."

"I...I can help."

"It might mean ending up back in Africa helping the slayers."

"I just learned about them. We met one of them during the war. That little brunette spitfire? She was one. Buffy told me."

James nodded. "Doesn't really surprise me any after meeting Xander's slayers." He put his hands into his pants pockets. "Now what?"

"We can go find your trainee."

"If he was my trainee I'd have him written up so many times for doing what he had to do in the most unrealistic ways," he complained. They checked the room and took Xander's things with them. Xander could get them back when they found him.

***

Xander came back woozy and wobbling but grinning like he was mad. "Hi." He sat down with a wince. "Ow, but better." Mother Nature was giggling at him. "Mom wanted a visit." She nodded. He grinned more brightly. "They had an orgy in honor of my returning."

"I'm sure they did. Bacchus is happy that way, dear." He grinned. "Did you have fun?"

"Yup!" He fell sideways with a sigh and a pleased look. "No one even nibbled."

"That's good. You should rest." He nodded, asleep with his eyes open. She closed them for him and went back to tidying things up. She'd have Jake here very shortly, if not some of the others. That new boy Clint looked promising and cute. She leaned over to pat Xander when he giggled again but it was good to see him goofy and happy.

***

Clay's team's jeep pulled up into the village. A few of the kids went running to tell the goofy one and Mother Nature. She came out to smile and hug Jake, patting Cougar and Pooch on the cheek. "Good afternoon, boys. Pooch, be a dear and call your pregnant wife? She's having some extreme mood swings." She smiled at Jake. "Xander visited his mother so he's still on a goofy high from the bacchi and it's possible his hyena possession came out so he made a slight pack out of the bacchi."

"Well, he's chaos incarnate sometimes," he said dryly. He heard a growl and looked around. "Did he go back to her?"

"It's possible. He was meditating with the local shaman and trainee shaman. The trainee is very thrilled with the idea of joining with a spirit animal." The hyena Xander strolled up to Jake, sniffing him as he walked around him.

Cougar pulled Jake back. "My pack," he growled. Xander huffed but sniffed him too. Cougar gave him a dirty look. "Not for you."

Xander let out a small laugh and moved closer to Jake, sniffing him again.

Jake petted Xander's hair down. "Silly kitten. You can't claim me. You don't like computers." He smiled at him. "C'mon, we'll go hit the river and bathe. You could use a bath. You smell like incense and lust." He walked off. Cougar followed because Xander was making happy hyena noises at Jake's backside.

Mother Nature smiled at Roque. "Sometimes Xander is the most amusing thing ever. Even in my life." She strolled off, her hips swishing a tiny bit. "It's a pretty day. I need to make more of these."

Pooch was calling his wife before Roque could look at him. Roque and Clay walked off to save Jake from the hyena. Jake was taking film to send to James and the guys were splashing Xander to make him want to swim. He really needed to soak the lust smells off him before something tried to mate with him.

***

James watched the film, shaking his head. "We need to work on that former possession." Steve looked up from his dinner, staring at him. He let him see it. "Xander somehow reverted." The diner wasn't all that crowded around them and they had the booth behind him empty. James was sitting so he could see most every angle, Steve had his other sides covered.

"How did he get possessed?"

"All he said was a zoo trip."

"Oh. Okay." He watched it. "Why are they getting him wet? Is it supposed to drive him off?"

"Jake's text message said he had spent time with his mother, who's a high priestess of Bacchus. He probably smells like incense." He put his phone back into his pocket after sending a message back.

"You should probably go check on him?" Steve guessed.

"I can do that but I hate flying to Africa." Steve grinned, eating a fry. Bucky stole one to eat. "What's on your agenda?"

"Slayers. I heard they're going to have something coming up and I was going to help." He ate another fry. "Ward and a few others got permanent duty assignments with them. So they'll die for being HYDRA but it'll mean something."

"That's nice." He shifted to get more comfortable on the booth, checking around them. A few people were staring. He looked at Steve. "You don't even have on the uniform."

Steve looked and grinned at a few, who went back to their meals. He looked at Bucky. "After the invasion, it's happened more often," he said quietly.

"I bet." He texted Jake's phone about the upcoming thing. "Jake said two huge beings, will probably take artillery, and the slayers are confused about using more than swords."

"I can ask Fury," he decided. "Why don't you eat?"

"I don't know. Not really hungry." He shrugged. "I'm good, Steve. Quit worrying."

"The serum makes me ravenous."

"I've noticed that. You're eating like a pregnant woman. Should I talk to someone for you?" he joked with an evil smirk.

"Not likely." He finished his lunch and sat back, staring at him. "Want to come with me?"

"No. I'm still fighting my urge to hit Rosenburg."

"Why?"

"Do you want the whole list or just the top five?"

"Is she bad?"

"She's...self absorbed more than anything. I had to help Xander calm down when he screamed at her about never showing up when he needed her. Just to nag."

"She did?"

"Yeah."

"Shoot." He considered it. "Why do they put up with her?"

"She's their head witch. She backed up Buffy in Sunnydale."

"Oh, that reason. Okay." He sipped his coffee, smiling and shaking his head when the waitress came over to get refills. "Thank you anyway, ma'am."

"You're welcome." She put down the check and left with the empty plates. Steve paid and they left together.

Bucky looked at him. "You're thinking too hard. I can see brain smoke."

"It must need more lubricant then." James snorted but looked pleased. Steve grinned back. "Now what?"

"Now...I hate flying to Africa. I need to enslave someone who can teleport."

"Enslave?"

"To my masculine charm, Stevie. I could never keep a real one. It'd be too much like a pet."

Steve shook his head. "That's not a good thought either." James smirked a tiny bit. "How are you liking the hair?"

"I don't mind it most of the time. Outside the one time the girls decided to put it into a bun on me." He shook his head. "I was out of it and woke up to the final snaps of bobby pins being put into place. Then I had to chase Xander to get the phone to erase the picture."

"Huh." He grinned. "I'll have to see if he has a copy."

"He'd better not. Or of when my hair was in cornrows. A couple of the girls were being helpful."

"Girls can be that way."

"As long as I don't end up one," James said.

Steve stopped walking to look at him. "You can do that? I mean without surgery and stuff?"

"Xander mentioned it once. I asked him what he meant so he told me. Then I went on a 'I should really go end her before she does it again' complaint. Xander stopped me but the next time she turns someone into a girl against their will I'm there."

"Sure. I can see that. Especially if one of us ends up a dame."

"Then I'd kill her extra hard." They shared a look and James grinned. "After I punch her a few dozen times for other things. Talk with Faith. She has sense and was a street kid in Boston. Xander works well with her."

"I can do that." He followed Bucky, just strolling for now. They ended up in Coney Island, making Steve smile. "Some things never change."

"The roller coaster looks a lot less fast now."

"It does, but still fun." He dragged James that way and onto the ride, making him go with him. It was good to enjoy the simple things.

***

James ended up back in Africa thanks to Mother Nature. She pointed at Xander, who was injured, again, and looked shaky. He walked over, kicking him on the thigh, earning a wince. "What did you do this time?"

"Fuck off." He went back to his meditative breathing.

James looked around. "Anyone know what he did this time so we can talk about it?" The villagers all shook their heads but looked away. He looked at Mother Nature, who smiled and pointed at the new graves up the road. James winced. "Attacked?" She nodded. He looked at Xander, then at her. "How many?"

"Troop carriers," one of the elders said. "They wanted some mythical thing they think we have."

"Well of the Ancients," Xander said quietly. "Which is a hellmouth and not moveable. It's also in Tangiers." He huffed, looking up. "They showed up, spilled out, and opened fire on everyone. Go me," he said flatly.

James leaned down to look at him. "Are you all right?" he asked quietly.

"Sore. I hate having to bury and bless them."

"They're not worthy of you blessing them, Xander."

"Probably not but I felt I had to. So I consigned them to Hades realm with well wishes for their torture." He sighed. "I'm fine."

"You're not fine. Why are you so injured?" He looked around. There was plenty of cover and Xander wasn't like Steve, to stand in the middle of a field and fire back in the open.

"Because he had been in the middle of teaching meditative exercises," the senior shaman said, coming over with a basket of leaves and strips of cloth. He handed them to Xander with a smile. "Which is very handy for the young trainee." Xander smiled but it was weak. "Then during it somehow he changed form and shape."

"Willow," he said.

"I'll gut her," James said, standing up to stare at him. "What did she turn you into this time?"

"A girl," the elder shaman said. "We were mostly naked while meditating, only in loincloths. Then he changed into a huge furry beast for some reason."

"No, that was my doing with help from a poker buddy. It was safer than me trying to fight as a girl," Xander admitted. He pulled off his shirt and took off the first bandage to clean up and replace the leaves to draw out any infection, then rewrap it. James huffed but settled beside him to do that. "I can do it," he said firmly.

"Shut up, Xander. You can't reach some of them." He stared at him. "I can help you bandage yourself."

"I don't need it."

James stared at him. "I never did either but Steve insisted. I learned from that." Xander slumped but let him help with them. "All grazes?"

"Two cuts on my thigh from one guy I pounced in furry form."

"Sorry I kicked them then." Xander shrugged. "Stitches?"

"Took me eight hours to get shifted back to female and then a call to Willow from the Mother to change me back. Too late to do them."

"I'm punching her in the nose," James said. "Or I'll let Steve do it. He's going to help them with their next battle." Xander gave him a confused look. "Ward and a few others that were helping them outed themselves as HYDRA thanks to that decloaking spell you had someone do."

Xander huffed but nodded. "Great."

"He's got a permanent duty assignment."

"Even better." They finished the bandaging and Xander got redressed then tried to get back to his meditation. "I can't do this with you staring."

James snorted but looked pleased. "You have in the past." But he did stand up. "Let me get something for dinner for the village." He strolled off to deal with that. On the way he called Steve to let him know. That way someone could punch Willow for him. Before he shoved his metal fist through her skull.

***

Steve hung up his phone, looking at the gathered girls. "A report from some people that ran into Xander over in Africa." He smiled at Faith. "She changes people's forms?"

"Um...not really recently."

He nodded. "Changed Xander into a female during a fight for a village he was in. They showed up and opened fire on the village."

"Fuck," Faith sighed, dropping her pencil and looking at the other slayers in there then at him. "At least he wasn't a kitten." A few girls nodded at that.

"Isn't there something that be done to stop that? James said he got seriously injured thanks to that."

"We'd all like that. Willow's a bit creepy," one of the slayers told him. "Really, really creepy." One of the other girls nodded.

"At least you two were cute pussies for your stress relieving time," Faith quipped, staring at them.

"I didn't want that sort of stress relief," one of them shot back. "I was going out to the bar to pick up my own version that nicely touched me in that special way, not petting me."

Steve sighed but nodded. "Has anyone mentioned that to anyone higher up?"

"The old line watchers are amused," Faith said bitterly. "Apparently we're not the way they think we should be. Giles just sends her back to Devon, who do not a damn thing. X would come back and kill her for us but we might need her." She shrugged. "Kinda stuck with her."

"Have her go work with a few of the foreign houses?"

"We don't need them to be more vulnerable than they already are," Faith said. "They're more likely to be attacked."

"I'll talk to Xander. See if he has an idea that doesn't come with a repeated hitting." The girls all smiled at him. His phone rang. "How did you get my number?" He opened the message and showed Faith.

Faith walked out. "Willow fucking Rosenburg, stop it right the fuck now before you kill another human!" she shouted.

"I haven't killed anyone yet," she sneered.

Faith slugged her. "Really? You wanna talk about how your irresponsible behavior led to two slayers dying?"

"I was not! I needed the night off the same as you girls do. I do a lot more than some of you do!" She stood up to get into her face.

"Then the proper thing to do is to appoint someone to take over your duties," Steve said from the doorway. "Someone to take your on-call so you have a night off."

"You can't do that with the warning spells," she snorted.

"Why didn't you think about that when you set it up?" he asked. He stared at her. "It would've probably been easier then."

"You know nothing about magic."

"You're right but I know how to run a war," he said simply. "Including pointing at people to get them to take your spot when you need a night free of it. The girls rotate. Why don't the magic users?"

"We don't have any others!" she shouted.

"Yet, Andrew was floating muffins earlier for the amusement of the kids in the kitchen. We have two witches here who both thanked me for my prior service." She glared and he felt the magic coming his way. "You magic me and it will definitely draw trouble on you, Willow," he said quietly, staring her down.

Xander appeared, ending the spell. He stared at her. "Beyond that, you have killed a human. What do you think you did to Warren when you skinned him?" She flinched, shaking her head. "People don't tend to live through that, Willow. Or the slayer that ended up at the pound, who is still recovering in the hospital from being gas chambered?" The witch started to whimper. "You. Need. Help. Today." He stared at her. "Before I get you help. I will call in every single poker debt I have to get you the proper help you need."

"I don't need help!" she shouted. She changed him into an infant.

Steve picked him up before the people running their way could step on him. Buffy rushed in. He pulled out his phone to show her the message. She glared at Willow. "We were talking about how you'd set up someone to take an on-call so she could have a night off."

She looked at the baby then at the man. "Is that Xander?" He nodded. "Great." She looked at Willow, who was crying but half of it was stress crying not real tears. "We've got to do something."

"Xander offered to call in poker debts to get her help," Steve said. "That's when she changed him."

One of the senior witches sighed. "We've been guiding her."

Steve looked at her. "Do you want me to comment?" She winced. "It needs to be more than one person doing it so they're not always on-call."

"It does," she agreed. "We also need to calm her down before she magics anyone else."

James and Mother Nature appeared. She took Xander to coo at while James stalked over and hauled her up. "James," she said gently when he pulled his metal fist back. "The world needs her."

He looked at her. "I can give her to the Fates." He ignored Steve's confused look.

"That's evil, love." She patted him on the cheek then looked at Willow. "But the Sisters of Magic should help you, child. Before you keep disappointing me horribly." Willow was staring at her, mouth open. "Am I understood?" Willow whimpered. "Good girl." She took her, Xander, James, and Willow with her. The five women, who looked beautiful but were in fact as grotesque as any other in their gorgon bloodlines, looked at her. "Ladies, this is Willow. She's abusing her gifts but she's important and helping heros.

James looked at Willow then casually punched a hole through the rock wall next to her, making her flinch. "You're. Next," he warned. "This is your only warning." She ducked away from him, nodding. "Good. I'm glad we understand each other, Willow." He looked at the cooing baby. "I haven't seen him that happy."

"It's not often, especially not anymore." She took James with her to the village. She settled in to take care of Xander while the spell worked its way out of him.

The Sisters strolled over to Willow, pulling her over to their fires to learn of her misdeeds and what she needed to be straightened out. They would not disappoint the Mother. If she said this one needed healed, they would help her. If not, they'd destroy her for some of her misuse of their gifts.

***

Jake leaned in when he got there. "Hey, Mom." She laughed and held up an arm, letting him have a hug. "That's Xander."

"Willow."

"Damn." He patted the baby on the back, making him flinch but wake up. "Sorry, Xander. Just me, little guy. Go back to sleep or have some nummies off Mommy Nature. She's good at that." He petted the baby until he drifted off again. He grinned at her. "I saw James seething?"

"Same cause."

"Huh." He straightened up and grinned. "The girls are all safe. We checked on all of them. We fixed the few problems. We had one move because we couldn't take out the local militant group of imbeciles like Xander would've. And when Clay heard how he usually handled it he kinda lost his temper a tiny bit." He grinned. "So she's safer."

"Good. Thank you, Jake."

"You're welcome." He looked around. "Need me to get you anything?"

"Go pull me up some water to bathe him?"

"I can do that." He grabbed the buckets and went to the river. James followed to help. "You calmer?"

"No."

"Rosenburg?"

"Sisters of Magic." He sneered. "She needs punished."

"If she's straightened out the slayers need her," Jake reminded him.

"Which was her reasoning. I'm not that forgiving unless it's something innocent. She changed some of the slayers into pets."

Jake looked at him. "We can let Clay and Roque deal with her."

"Don't tempt me to find her a keeper." Jake giggled but they pulled water up for her. They carried it back and let it sit inside the doorway. Xander was awake and nibbling dinner from her. James smiled. "He looks a lot happier now."

"He does," she agreed. "Because I'm excellent at being a mother." She smiled. "Go find your young man, dear."

"Later. He's working with the girls and he said I freaked them out a lot."

"I suppose that happens." He sat next to her, taking the baby Xander when she handed him off. Xander belched but curled up on James' shoulder to snore at him. It was adorable and it loosened something inside James that he wanted to keep pressed down. It hurt a bit but it felt better. More natural. She stroked over his hair and kissed him on the cheek. "Sometimes you have to let normal things in, or else you end up alone," she said gently. He nodded. "Thankfully I've managed to heal all the deprivation he's done to himself down here." James stared at her. "He's doing the same thing you are, only eating for survival. Though half the time he's feeding the slayer instead of himself." James huffed but nodded. "You're doing it again as well, young man. I do not approve."

"I'm not hungry."

"We'll fix that later." He blushed but nodded. She got up to get her own bath in the back room. Then she came out to bathe the baby Xander and get him settled for a while. She came out to talk to the nice commando boys that Jake worked with, and Clay and Roque. James shadowed her. He was highly protective and it was sweet of him. They'd learn and Pooch did good handling Xander for a bit. It gave him good baby practice before his came in a few months.

***

Jake leaned in to find Xander his normal age, kind of, he looked younger and still happy, and James nursing in his sleep. He backed out and went to gather water, smiling a goofy little grin. It was good for them. Very good for them. James was looking healthier. Xander was looking less skinny. It had to be magic....then again look at who he was talking about. Of course it was magic and it was good magic, unlike the bad magic they kept running into. He spotted the demon and stared at it. It shrugged back. "Why are you here?"

"There is a Well of the Ancients here."

"No, Xander said it's in Tangiers."

"Xander?" the demon asked quietly. "The Knight Protector?" Jake nodded. "No wonder. He is a walking hellmouth." He sighed. "I will make sure none bother this village. It is a sacred spot to us."

"Thank you." He drew up the water and carried it back. He knocked before walking in this time. James flinched awake, blushing and wiping off his mouth. Mother Nature only hugged him. Jake cleared his throat, getting glared at by Mother Nature. "The demon by the stream identified Xander as the Well of Ancients that walks." He put down the water. "He said he'd protect here because it's sacred to them too."

"His hellmouth taint is covered," she said, rolling over to look at Xander. She had kept him asleep all night for his own good. "Oh, I see. Yes, he's leaking hellmouth taint. Why isn't that being covered?" She tested it and groaned. "Willow." She ended that draining spell and the protections on Xander got renewed. "He's missing two but I know he was scared to get them because it could wake the hyena permanently." She grimaced. "We'll have to work on those again. If I remember right, the dye brought it out when he inked them on to try them."

"There's probably another type we could use," James said quietly. "Something from another way of thinking."

"There's got to be. I can look online," Jake offered. They nodded so he left to do that. He wouldn't wonder at James treating Xander like a younger brother. He was good at it.

Xander walked out and across the river, pulling the trainee shaman with him without saying anything. They all looked that way at the blast of energy that got released and then a new rainbow started in the air. Xander limped back looking unhappy but the trainee shaman was babbling something no one understood. Xander sat him down to explain hellmouths to him. That helped and they all learned something. Clay and his team needed to know in case they ran into one forming. Xander noted where all the others were for them.

James was shaking his head but brewing coffee. He and Xander ate and then got back to going over the mystical bullshit that happened on a hellmouth. James had only seen the one in Central America for two days but he had nearly been eaten by a vampire.

***

Steve Rogers was out doing some shopping a few months later and smiled when he caught sight of a familiar figure. He followed it to the rundown hotel, nodding at Xander. "Are you all right? You look like you got burned."

"I did. It's a huge mess of shit in one of the slayers' villages. They had a gas train explode nearby." He waved a hand. "I'm supposed to lure you here because James is going to be here later tonight." He handed him the key. "He doesn't know it yet but he needs time off for good behavior." He walked off. "He'll be here but asleep. Make him eat? Please? He's never eating and she nags if he doesn't." He disappeared back down the stairs.

Steve looked in the room then hurried to finish the shopping and come back. He found James unconscious on the bed. He looked tired. He looked a bit thin. He was covered in soot and mud. So it had been bad. He got some water and a cloth to clean off his face at least. James grabbed his hand before he could touch him, without opening his eyes. "Just me." James blinked at him then drifted off again. Steve smiled, liking this sleep spell for now. He got his face and hands cleaned off. He didn't know how to safely remove the battle vest or pants, and the boots were tied with a particular knot he'd have to cut. He settled in to read a new book he had bought until his buddy woke back up. "Morning," he said quietly.

"How did I get here? Or are you in Africa?"

"You're in New York and Xander said you got sent here for a few days off. I was supposed to make you eat before some female nags."

"Yes she would." He sat up with a wince, looking at him. "Fire."

"He said that when I mentioned his burns. You good?"

"Yeah, just tired." He yawned. "Let me shower."

"Want me to find you something to wear?"

James looked at himself then at him. "My gear bag here?" Steve found it on the other side of the bed and handed it over. "Thanks." He went into the bathroom to shower and clean up. It had been a long few days. He came out freshly clean, in jeans and a sweatshirt that was Xander's since his last t-shirt had been in the fire, that's why he had put back on the armor. He cleaned off his boots then put them back on. Then he looked at Steve. "I could use a beer."

"Sports bar?"

"Too many people," he said quietly.

"Sure, I can manage that. I know a few quiet places." He took him out.

The desk clerk looked up. "Check out's at ten, boys." They nodded. "Want me to watch your keys?"

"No, thank you," James said. He followed Steve a few blocks up and into a silent, dark bar. Only a few people in there and they served food he recognized. James looked at the burger. "It's not goat. I'm very pleased." He ate a bite and moaned. "Better." Steve grinned and dug into his own dinner. James inhaled his and got another order of onion rings then settled in with his beer to relax. "Xander got a call from one of the girls. A gas train derailed next to their village and it had caught fire.

"She had gotten everyone out of the village in time but no one could fight the fire. Xander showed up, diverted the stream for them with some minor explosives, and we worked on it. When the locals finally got there they weren't very helpful and complained more about the train derailing than the fire. One of the train company people sneered about the village being a blight so I got to punch him." He grinned slightly and sipped his beer. "Xander called up the demon the guy had sold himself to and talked him into taking him now because the guy suggested that they shoot all the villagers to cover up the fire."

"Is he going to get into trouble for that?"

"The villagers looked at their slayer who shrugged and said she wanted to see him eaten. They all smiled and patted her on the back and introduced her to some of the new men they had there. Xander reminded her she could find a useful spouse but he had to be able to help her with her duties. She asked about Clay while feeling up his arm muscles but he shook his head, told her he was too old for her." He finished that beer and got another one.

"Most of the slayers are good, nice young women. I helped a lot when I was down there. Including a few that wanted hints on how to dress better and be more classy for work stuff." Steve grinned back at him. "Faith is still a spitfire and she's got a mouth on her but she backs it up. She reminds me of Orchid, at the orphanage?"

"I remember her. She was one hell of a girl." He sipped his new beer and yawned. "This is good. I needed a few days off."

"Want to come stay in my spare room?" he asked quietly. "It's safe there and you only have to put up with Stark."

"I...."

"The others know you're around, Bucky." He reached over to touch his arm. "Natasha told them who you were."

"I...yeah. I might like that. Cheaper than the motel, cleaner probably too."

"Probably. We can get you some new t-shirts too."

"I could use a few. My last one got burned." He finished the beer and they paid their bill before leaving. Steve got his things from the room, there was now a book in there for James to read. He snorted at it but tossed it to Steve. Then they checked out and went back to the tower. It was quiet. Everyone was in the lounge watching tv so they could sneak past them. Steve let him have a t-shirt and a few pairs of boxers, since James didn't have any. He took another shower and laid down, falling instantly asleep again. Steve fiddled around with stuff for breakfast that only had to be baked and then went to take his own shower and go to bed. Bucky had a few nightmares but Steve expected more than those few. It was comfortable when they met up for a dawn breakfast and James went on his run with him.

***

Xander smiled at Mother Nature, who grinned and patted him on the cheek. "You're a good boy, Xander, and you need that too."

He nodded. "Some year maybe. There's no one that'll accept me for who and what I am, Mom." He gave her a hug. "If you find one, send them to me, but I think that's a case of wishful hoping." He packed up and nodded at the shaman. "I'll be back in six weeks. Let me check on the girls." They nodded and he left, going to do that. Clay's team had been recalled to the US when the army heard rumors they were still alive. They had went right to Tony to handle it. He could deal with the higher ups being assholes. Xander had other assholes to deal with.

***

Tony DiNozzo looked up when the elevator opened and someone walked off, coming toward his desk. "Colonel."

"DiNozzo. They decided to try to recall us."

"I think they're in a shitty mood because a reporter found out about Max and all that." He grinned. "I can call and tell them. See if there's a huge problem and put you into our custody if you want."

"Please. I don't trust them or CID. I know your team's straight. Even if your director is bent."

Tony tried not to smile. "Not toward Max at least."

"Yeah, we heard in Africa." He shook his head. "James is back in the US. Xander arranged it with *her*. He's off handling the girls again," he said quietly.

"Good. Though I'd want more than him to handle things." Clay nodded. He called over to CID. "It's DiNozzo. I just ran into a name on a case. Colonel Franklin Clay." He listened to his contact look him up and nodded. "Sure, I can do that." He hung up. "You are wanted for questioning and there's hints that they may want to see you up on charges for dereliction of duty and going AWOL but the Council has stepped in to say they legitimately borrowed your team."

"They did. We've been working with the slayers in Africa. Two of the little kids tried to claim Roque as family so they could claim his knives." Tony grinned, making the right calls. "The rest of us are up the street having lunch."

"We can handle that." He stared at his boss, who was staring back. "Boss, you remember that case?"

"Very well. As far as I heard your team had been honorably discharged to cover up the nastiness, Colonel."

"That's what I thought too," he admitted. Gibbs smirked. "We trust your team. The rest, no."

"Good. We can handle this." He got up and went with DiNozzo. Jake had copies of their paperwork so they were covered there. Gibbs called a contact of his at CID and told them what had happened and how they had the team in protective custody at the moment. She looked it up and screamed at a few of her underlings for being morons. She got them a judge's appointment with a legal representative. Gibbs and Tony made sure they got there. Even though someone tried to keep them from it. Roque was even more deadly after having nothing but hunting and fighting to do for the last year and a bit.

The judge looked them over then took the paperwork from Gibbs. "Only two minutes early, Gibbs. That's not like you," she said as she looked it over.

"Someone tried to stop us," Tony said. "Captain Roque ended that threat before it got bigger, ma'am."

The judge looked at them and nodded. "They look very competent. I've seen their records and they seem competent. Is that why that arms dealer picked you?"

"Apparently," Clay said. "It was never fully stated, ma'am."

"Where have you been?"

"Helping the Council with some of the slayers in Africa. There was only one guy and he knew Corporal Jensen so suggested us."

"It's supposed to be a spiritual trip," the judge said. "Are you all well?" They nodded. "No current illnesses or problems?"

"Pooch has a torn rotator cuff," Jake said with a point at him. "He's in the resting phase of healing."

"That's good." She nodded, looking over things. "I'm seeing proper discharge orders. Gibbs, let the dirty agents in please?" He smirked but did open the door. "Gentlemen," he said. Then Roque turned and punched someone, followed by Pooch and the rest.

"He's not CID that I recognize," Gibbs said.

"He's Max's second-in-command," Pooch sneered. "Formerly Canadian Spec Ops and a homicidal fucker from way back." He hit him again.

The judge nodded. "Then he probably wouldn't have standing in this court," she said, sounding cheerful. "Boys, off him. Gibbs, arrest him." They pulled them apart and Gibbs got him into cuffs since Clay had knocked Wade out. "Good job, boys." She looked at the CID agents. "Your proof?" They handed it over. She frowned. "We have discharge paperwork, gentlemen." She looked at them.

"There's no copies in the system, ma'am," one said.

"We all learned really early on to hoard every single sheet of paper the military gives us," Clay said dryly. "Because of things like filing errors. We usually even make copies of it just in case."

"These are the originals," the judge said. "So no one can say they're forgeries." She looked at the agents. "I've been handed information that you're in the employ of the same arms dealer. I got that before I even heard about this case." She looked at the head of CID in the doorway. "You?"

"I have, ma'am, and their investigation is ongoing. Mostly they're finding they may be." He looked at the others in the room then at Gibbs. "Any notes you want to make?"

"They've been working for the Council," Tony said with a smile. "Helping out the lone watcher in Africa with all the girls. It meant he didn't have to take out another militia."

"Don't remind me," Clay warned. "Xander's a tiny bit nuts. Then again, he's been doing it all on his own for three years." Gibbs shook his head. "He took out two warring factions without guns. He didn't have any bullets. Handmade landmines and bombs." Gibbs stared. Clay smirked. "We *gladly* helped him with the girls so he wasn't the only guy."

"Thanks," Tony quipped. "The girls appreciated it. Oh," he said and snapped. "Pooch, your wife and imminent kid is in Cleveland being a mom to the slayers. Mostly she's adjusting the clothing issues. Apparently there was going to be an attack on your house by the base. Someone called in an anonymous tip to the local PD about them going after her to burn her in the house. They got her evacuated to Cleveland and the PD had officers on the street. Your house only took minor fire damage a few days after it was called in."

"Xander?" Jake asked.

"Has to be. No one else has visions that the head of the Council knows of and that's who told him to take her in as the mom," Tony said with a grin at him.

"Great," Pooch said. "I'll go see her as soon as I can. She's due any day now." Everyone nodded and the judge smiled.

"I see no reason for you to be held," the judge said, looking at the head of CID. "Do you?" She handed over all the papers she had.

"No. The general who tried to bring them up on charges is dirty to the same guy. Their paperwork is in order." She handed back the discharge orders. "They're free to go to Cleveland." He looked down. "Any idea on Wade?"

"He's sick," Jake said, reading the new text message. "Xander's ex said he's sick with cancer and can't get treated any other place because of what he does and who he is." He put his phone up.

"He can get treatment in jail if they allow it," the judge agreed. They got their prisoners together and those two dirty agents got taken into custody as well. By that night, the Losers were on their way to Cleveland in time to greet Pooch's son.

***

Giles came down the stairs for breakfast and found four imposing men in the living room. "Gentlemen, do we know you?" he asked pleasantly.

Jake grinned and waved. "We were hired to help Xander, Mr. Giles. I'm Jake, this is Clay, Roque, and Cougar. Pooch is with his wife at the hospital greeting the new baby Pooch."

"Ah!" He nodded. "Try to keep the girls from flirting."

"They're all too young and too nice for us," Clay assured him with a smirk. "Though we're going to remake your patrol routes so they're not dependable. It'll mean that attacking during it problem can be handled by us." Giles smiled, going to the kitchen. Andrew came out to babble at them about the problems the guys in the house had found. Including the old line watchers. Jake found out why and showed him. He took that to Giles, who handled it quickly and kicked those ones out. Right into the loving arms of Xander's friends who could arrest them...after a suitable time playing with them.

***

James looked up from sharpening his knives on Steve's couch when the air vent above him clanged. "Can't you use a door?" he joked quietly.

Clint Barton climbed down. "Needed the practice." He stared at him. "What rebirth thing?"

"No one's told you," he sighed. "Before the battle in DC did you get any funny dreams about an old village and an orphanage run by Hestia's priestesses?"

"No."

"Huh. The rest did. That's how we spotted Jake." He shrugged and texted Xander, who said he uploaded a file to a certain cloud drive that was protected. He got Clint onto it so he could see it. It included some really good drawings. "I know Xander didn't do those. He uses stick figures." He shook his head and finished off that knife before putting it away again. He watched Clint reread it.

"I was there?"

James looked and pointed. "You were young. Barely babbling and following the big kids around. A few were barely born and got reborn together that way."

Clint shook his head. "Okay. How can you be sure?"

"We kind of glow to each other. That whole sent across realms things glows. Which helped when Xander ran into some that were fleeing their original realm recently." He scowled but let it clear up. "He's a bit unusual."

"I can see why. The reports we've gotten from the locals down there are downright freaky."

"Probably less than half of what he's done then." Clint pulled them up so he could see them. "There's a few I didn't know about," he said, sending Xander a text message about being in trouble for something. Xander quipped back at least it had saved the whole bar of peaceful, important demons that did things like make plants grow. Bucky put his phone up and looked at the archer. "That's not even a quarter of what he's done."

"Shit."

Bucky laughed and nodded. "Yeah. There's days I want to put a leash on the kid but he does the right thing, even if it drives you nuts."

Steve walked in with dinner and a gallon of milk. "What's going on?"

"Got him into the rebirth files," Bucky said. "Milk? Really?"

"I still like milk, Bucky." He put things where they needed to be and brought dinner out to the table. "I can grab you a plate, Clint."

"Nah. I just wanted to know what was going on. Did you have any other information on Xander?"

"I didn't want to look. It seems to make Bucky growl."

"I'm still going to put a leash on him," Bucky assured him. "Then I'm going to tie him to someone like Clay so he's taught what we were in the army."

Steve tried not to smile. "You keep making all these plans for Xander. Is there some sort of reason you'd like to tell me?"

"If you liked guys, I'd introduce you to him," Bucky shot back.

Clint walked off smiling but shaking his head. He looked at Natasha. "Bucky said the stuff you gathered on Xander was only about a quarter of what's gone on."

"I'll look in more places," she said, staring at him. "Did you get the strange looks figured out?"

"Yeah. Bit stranger than I thought. More like Council strange." He went to his rooms to think. It was nice he had a nicer past life. Probably a lot easier too. He looked at the woman who appeared in front of him. He knew what she was. She glowed. "You're the goddess that was at that battle."

"I am, dear." She smiled. "I'm Demeter. The one from your original home." She ran a hand over his hair and nodded. "Have you seen that people fall in lust with you over your arms?"

"Kinda but I ignore most of that before it makes me hide," he said.

She pouted. "Hmm. We were going to nominate you for something in the house of Love. We'll have to consider that." She disappeared.

"What?" he demanded. "Um, ma'am? Would you maybe like to explain that?" he called. No answer. He stomped back to Steve's apartment, pounding then walking in. He stared at Bucky. "Just saw Demeter."

Bucky sighed but nodded. "The ones in this realm are all ascended spirits instead of a corporeal being as it was told to me by Gaia." He ate a bite of dinner, staring at him, willing him to get the point.

Clint's eyes narrowed. "Is that why they had the battle in DC?"

"No, they were looking for the scion of war, whose killing would let them take over their realm and this one. He was reborn in the middle ages on another realm." He ate another bite. "So that still leaves the problem of protection. It's more like you're the figurehead while they're doing the work."

"She wanted to put me in the House of Love!" Clint complained.

"You're pretty enough," Bucky said dryly. "But it's an important thing. Think what humanity would be without those emotions, Barton." He stared at him.

"Where did you get put?"

"House of War," he said quietly. "Xander got put in under chaos, but his dad was a chaos guy. His mom's a priestess of Bacchus. It fits him because he's kinda zany in the wrong way sometimes."

Clint blinked. "But... I'm not into all that stuff."

"I'm not really wanting to be the head of the House either," Bucky said. "Xander was the one that pointed out the qualities that made me fit and the others I can scrunch in as he put it. Make it more what it should be instead." He stared at him. "I don't make that decision. Gaia makes that decision but she's went along with Demeter's plans with Xander and me."

"Where is she so I can go complain to her?" Clint asked. "Before I get called Cupid again."

"You'd have better luck as a male Aphrodite," he shot back. "Cupid liked leather like his dad." Clint snorted. "She's ...find Xander, have him lead you to her. He's been there a few times." He looked at Steve. "She told me to bring you some day when you're ready."

"I....not ready yet," he admitted. Bucky smirked a tiny bit. "Thanks."

"Welcome."

"What does that mean for everything else?" Steve asked.

"Not a damn thing. It means we're the pretty face on the poster because there has to be a physical being in place. That lets the spirit channel the stuff through us." Steve nodded slowly. "Nothing beyond that. No cult to me except the one Jake spotted online. No powers. No temple, though I could go claim one I guess." He shrugged. "It just means I'm the pretty face on the poster. I encouraged her to use you."

Steve shook his head. "I couldn't accept that."

"I didn't want to but the other choices were pathetic." He shrugged. "Gaia's pretty cool but she does make you cuddle." Clint walked off shaking his head. "She also blocks nightmares," he said quietly. Steve shivered, staring at him. "It helped. Me and Xander both."

"That's good to know. I'd...some day I want to meet her."

Bucky grinned. "Some day, when you're ready. She said I'd have found a handmaiden of hers by then too. So apparently some dame we'll meet some day." He ate another bite of broccoli. "Eat, Stevie. It changes nothing."

"I get that." He patted him and dug in. "What's Xander doing?"

"Causing chaos by handling things. He's really good at it too." Steve just nodded and let him handle things.

***
Part 2 by Voracity2
Six months later, Xander looked up from his spot in the center of the destruction, staring at the woman walking toward him. "What did you do, Xander?" she asked quietly and calmly.

He pointed at the arch. "I stopped the invasion," he said. "By creating a hellmouth inside their portal." He let his arm drop and looked at her. "Because it stopped something that wasn't killed by artillery. Or by weapons. Or by fire. Or by magic. It killed it and saved everyone from the flesh eating little bastards. I'm sorry but ...I didn't have much choice beyond sacrificing myself to close it and he'd still be here with no one to stop him."

She looked at the mess and nodded. "You did an excellent job of stopping it." He slumped but nodded, looking at the mess again. "We will talk. Perhaps we can close this one sooner."

Xander shook his head. "If we do, it'll reopen the portal." He let out an exhausted sounding, almost hysterical, little chuckle. "Six units of national army, plus two different militias in the area they asked for help. Three slayers I called from Cleveland, all Giles could send me right then. All of the apocalypse closet I've built up. Two mages, full mages, that nearly died trying to end the portal. And that was my only thought, that I could stop it one of the two ways. And I think I did it this way because I'm a coward."

She swatted him on the head. "It's not cowardice to know you're needed to fight another day, Xander. Do not say that." He looked up at her again, looking like a lost little kid. "It's not the best decision but of the two, it's the better one. We need you here to help with other things." He slumped but nodded, looking at his hands. "Let's clean up some of this mess."

"I had them evacuate when we made the hellmouth," he said, talking to his hands. "Everyone but me and the mages and the demons pouring through. They shot at them to give us cover. The mages got carried off to be treated but they left me alone here. They knew it's evil. Saved them but it's evil. I did the horrible thing and brought evil here to save everyone."

She petted over his hair. "A hellmouth is not evil. It's energy. Like magic is, Xander. It matters what you do with it that names it evil." He looked up at her, looking hopeful again. "We can set up guardians here. Can we take down the archway?" He shrugged. "I'll see. Call James?"

"No. I don't want to hear the bitching. I'll get enough of that when I report to Giles," he said quietly. "I can't take it from others. I...I can't." She nodded, putting him to sleep for now. She went to repair some of the damage. She felt the intent and the actuality of the spell. They had done it the right way. It had saved everyone. She turned at the cleared throat. "I'm seeing if we can remove the physical gateway."

The general nodded. "We used half of our stores of artillery and missiles, ma'am. They can't do that again, right?" he asked in the native dialect.

"No. Unless we end this hellmouth they cannot open their portal here again." He stared at her. "We can find a way to make sure they can't open it at all later." He nodded. "For now, let Xander rest."

"We ...a few of the soldiers are looking at him like he's a minor old god."

She smiled. "Not exactly." He snorted. "I can handle him. He can rest with me."

He nodded. "Thank you. What do we do now?"

"Any hellmouth is just a leak of energy from between realms until someone uses it." She looked at it. "It'll rip and grow if I take down the physical structure." She looked at him again, smiling some. "I would suggest guards. Or a guardian."

"We can make some. Will the slayers move here?"

"There's only so many for the continent but I can see one moving here, yes." He nodded and bowed, backing away from her. "I wish he'd had another way."

"Ma'am, we were all going to die. We had already lost half of the soldiers to it. He made sure everyone on this continent is safe. Even if he did it by giving this one area more danger. We respect that and don't blame him. He solved it and saved lives." He left, going to talk to his leaders. They were watching. The boy was still curled up on the ground in a fetal position, but now he was resting. The woman, who had to be some sort of ancient goddess sort, soothed the power flows then went to pick up Xander to take him with her. They could set up guardians and ask the local slayer to move here with the guard unit. It would be safest.

***

Giles accepted the priority mail package, noting it was Xander's report from Africa. The three slayers he had been able to send him had reappeared in the house nearly dead from the problem going on, their emergency recall spells had been used. He had no idea what had happened and the news was not saying a single thing. They had successfully covered things up this time. He settled in his favorite chair in the living room, opening the package. Inside was a handbound book of paper. It looked like handmade paper. On the front was inked 'how I nearly ended the world to save it' and 'by Xander Harris'. The title wasn't capitalized and the stick figure drawings weren't happy looking either. He flipped through it, seeing the story of the warning about the invasion.

The inside cover was blank. The other page had the first image. A vision. A picture of a stick figure Xander holding his head and writing something. He turned the page.

A military. A single stick figure talking to the guy in front of an army of stick figures with guns.

The page across from it showed trucks carrying what looked like long bricks. He turned the page.

An archway, looking like piled stones. With a swirly thing in the center. A portal. The stick figures were shooting at the portal and the figures coming out that looked rather like blobs.

On the facing page, the bricks turned out to be artillery. The blobs were shaking them off. Giles felt his stomach plummet.

The next page was three female stick figures appearing with swords. The slayers. They were helping the soldiers and the single stick figure. There weren't hardly any dead blobs.

On the facing page, two male figures with rays of light around them showed up. The stick figure that was probably Xander rushed to them with a text bubble above his head that had the simple word 'help' in it.

He turned the page. The slayers were down. Xander and the magic users were working on something because the soldiers were creating a mess of stick figures on the ground. The blobs had grown in number and still almost none were dead.

The facing page had the military using heavier equipment, including a jet. Still a field full of blobs and dead bodies. But the slayers had been removed. People were removing the dead bodies on stretchers. Some of the blobs were on top of the dead.

The next page had Xander and the two magic users together. The military was running while shooting. The three men were engulfed in twinkly lines of light. Then the swirly portal thing turned in the opposite direction. Giles checked but the portal was spinning backwards.

He turned the page. These two were one whole picture. Now the archway had a star field in it. The military had gotten free. No blobs were left. Just a single stick figure on the ground staring at it. The two magic users were holding each other up in the corner of the second page. Giles stared at it. Especially that portal.

"Oh, fuck," he whispered, calling Xander's phone. "What is the starfield?" he asked. A female voice told him Xander was back in his mind and not willing to come out at the moment from the strain and the pain he was giving himself. But she told him what it was. His stomach sank. "Is it radiating, ma'am? Would you know anything about it?" He nodded at what she knew and sighed. "I will pick a senior girl to come guard it. Not one of the baby slayers, but one with experience. One who can handle a full hellmouth by herself. I'll send her to Xander in two days.

"Thank you for telling me. Tell him I'm worried about him and the effects but he did what he had to do." She agreed and told him the full report Xander had typed out on his phone. He sighed. "Then it was truly a last ditch to save everyone. Thank you and tell him to call me when he's ready. I'd like to get him somewhere more quiet for a while so he has time to recover." She hung up saying that to him. Giles hung up and got up, taking the book with him. He found the senior girls all having an ice cream chat while talking about patrol routes. "Sarji, pack. You're going to Africa to guard the new hellmouth." Everyone stopped and stared at him. "It's a new rip but the woman who answered Xander's phone said it's not radiating a lot. You'll have military support there."

"How did a new hellmouth start, Giles?" Buffy asked, putting down her ice cream and spoon.

"It was the only way to stop the invasion," he said. "It countered their portal and sucked it back in. Because they lost a good portion of a national military to stop it." She stared at him, eyes starting to water. "Xander helped them, let them use his hellmouth taint to create the new one. He's still in shock." He let her have the book. She flipped through it, almost crying now. He patted her on the back. "We will make sure this one does not turn into another version of Sunnydale," he said quietly.

She looked up at him. "Was that where the three girls were injured?" He nodded. "Was it like our invasion?"

"I have no idea. Xander doesn't draw very well," he said dryly. "His report didn't have a species name."

She nodded, handing it to Sarji. "It looks like it was horrible."

One of the girls nodded. "I took the report after they got back. It's on your desk, Giles." She looked at Buffy again. "They said it was the only hope they had. The mages couldn't close the portal. The military's stuff wasn't working to kill anything. Even the two jets they had with missiles didn't help kill anything. One of them said when she fell, at least two of the six units of their military were down and probably dead to the flesh eaters. They were crying because they had no idea how to stop it. They were all praying Xander got a wacky idea and used it, and that it worked."

"It did," Giles said, taking off his glasses to hold them. "The new hellmouth sucked in the portal. It stopped all the little biters and sucked them home."

Sarji nodded, going to pack. "Does it ever get chilly there?" she called as she walked.

"Call Clay and ask," Buffy called after her. "He'd know. He was helping the girls down there." She looked at Giles. "Is Xander okay? Really injured?"

"Worn out, in shock from what she said. He's basically slept through the last two days." Buffy nodded. "I told her to tell him to come home so he could rest. She said she'd suggest it."

"If not, call Jake and have him talk to him. He and Xander email all the time," Buffy said.

"I have no idea how to do that, Buffy. I don't have his number."

One of the girls took the book off the table and went to the computer lab to scan it in and send it to Jake's email. She got back a 'thank you and I'll check on Xander'. She sent back Giles' offer of a vacation to heal and that Sarji was going, so to expect her to call. They said they'd call her and be over in a few to talk to her. She went back to the kitchen to reclaim her ice cream. "They're coming to help Sarji pack and Jensen said he'd check on Xander for us."

"That'll help, thank you," Giles said with a smile for her. He looked at Buffy. "We'll have him teach us how to get some of the girls ready for that harsher environment." She nodded. He went to his office to make notes, getting the book to file with the report. "I hope this is the only one I ever get in storybook form," he muttered to himself. "That nothing else requires this form of report."

***

James hung up his phone and threw it. Natasha ducked since they were in the same gym. He stomped off. "Steve, gotta go."

"What happened?" he asked, jogging after him.

Natasha looked at the file downloading into his phone, going over it. She winced and took the phone up to Steve's apartment, stopping Bucky by getting in his way. She showed him that file. "It was a battle like the one in Los Angeles."

He took the phone, staring at the pictures. "He's crap at drawing," he complained but he got the point. He sat down at the end picture. "He had to create a hellmouth," he sighed. "Fuck!" He grabbed his jacket. Steve stopped him and handed him his go bag, getting a nod. "Anyone going with me to see this new hellmouth?"

"I'll go," Clint said. "I've been in Africa before."

"Xander said he would've talked to you during one of them but you were busy taking out someone he wanted to die horribly," James said dryly. He looked at Steve.

"Go. I'll be here. I don't want to stress anyone out." James nodded. "Yell if you need backup. Please?"

James smirked at him. "I probably won't." He went upstairs to the landing pad, taking the team's quin jet. Clint sat in the copilots' seat. They took off within minutes and were heading there at supersonic speeds. The only good thing about SHIELD was they had some of the best toys.

***

James landed outside the village and walked over, nodding at the staring people. "He still here?" A few nodded. "Good." He walked in. "Mother. What happened?"

"He's still in shock," she said, stroking over Xander's hair. "He'll wake up but not respond, just go back to sleep."

"I've been in that state." He squatted down, looking at Xander. He poked him until the kid blinked at him. "Tell me what you had to do, Xander. All I got was the story book." Xander repeated his report quietly, staring at him. He nodded and hugged him. "Then it was the only choice."

"I could've done it personally instead. I hesitated."

"Good! There was no necessity for a suicide play." Xander went limp but shrugged. "C'mon. Clint's here." Xander shook his head, not getting up. James pulled him up and outside, making him squint at the sun. "Xander, this is Clint."

"Hey," Clint said, shaking his hand. "You okay?"

"No. I'm not sure I made the right decision about how to end that." He wandered back inside and laid back down.

Clint looked at James. "He had the magic users start the hellmouth instead of stepping in to do it himself," he said quietly. "He's not sure it was the right thing."

"That's burnout."

"It's been there for years."

Gaia came out. "Boys, the slayer will be there later today. Can you greet her?" They nodded. "I'll talk to Xander about things."

"He's coming back to New York with me. Steve knows someone who can help him."

"Tomorrow, James. Go greet the slayer for him." James nodded, taking the map she handed him. "Come back and spend the night then go." He nodded, leaving with Clint. She settled in to soothe his pains and doubts. The fact he could consider the other a possible better option was sad. "The mages you had helping have said they had no trouble helping you and they didn't wear themselves down, Xander."

"I could have done it sooner, sparing a lot of lives," he said quietly. "They all stared at me like I should've done it within minutes of us finding out weapons weren't working."

"They're wrong, Xander. Very wrong." He nodded, swallowing hard. She cuddled him. "You sacrificing yourself would not have made anything easier or better. You realizing you had to do the spell sooner might have but you're not omnipotent. Neither am I." He looked up at her. "I'm just glad you got it solved. You stopped it with them. You acted to save who you could when you realized things weren't working. You got the slayers home when they fell." He nodded, putting his head back onto her thigh. She sighed and petted his hair. "James will tell you the same thing tonight."

"I...I should probably leave so he can't find me and yell. He'll bitch."

"He will not. He said he's taking you back with him for a bit so you can talk to a few people and take a vacation. You could use a vacation with pretty girls who want to flirt with you." He let out a bitter snort. "Some will."

"They see the eye patch and scars and run the other way, Mother," he said quietly. "Have since I lost the eye. I'm not the wanted ass sort. I'm the sort that you maybe fuck in the club and then forget about. Not the sort you bring home to meet your relatives."

"You are so. You just have to find the right one."

He looked up at her. "I think he died when I was younger. Even though I don't think he could handle this present me either. He would've hated the hunting." He put his head back down.

"There's people out there who would find you charming."

"How psychotic are they?" he asked, still sounding bitter. "Most of my dates have been in one way or another."

"Point but I'm sure you can find someone nicer. Maybe Steve knows a nice soldier sort." Xander shrugged. "We'll see, dear. For now, you rest."

He sighed and got up. "I should go hide from James and his bitching and plotting. Even if he will try to beat me for that."

She knocked him back out before he could move and snuggled with him on the bed. "No, I don't want to see that fit, dear." She smiled and cuddled him. He was precious to her.

***

James came back that night, staring at the guy on the bed then at her. "Did he fight you?" he asked.

"He tried to run from you and any complaining you might do," she said quietly. "I had to stop that impulse. He thinks you'll complain like your name should be Rosenburg."

"I'd hate to be related to that witch." He stared at Xander then at her. "I'm not going to bitch. He doesn't deserve it and he doesn't need it."

"In his mind's eye, he sees that he does because he didn't do it fast enough."

"No one's that good, even Steve Rogers." She patted him on the cheek and handed him some bread. "Thanks, Mother. Come talk with Clint?"

"Bring him in here. Xander's hiding from everyone. If he wakes up alone he'll disappear and you'll have to find him."

James nodded. "Always possible." He hauled Clint in by the arm. "Mother, this is Clint Barton."

"Welcome, child." She kissed his cheek and he flinched then groaned, sighing and shaking his head. "You were young so the memory blocks of childhood erased it. You were adorable though."

He grinned. "Some girls say I still am."

"I think that's why Demeter wanted you in the House of Love," Bucky quipped. He stared at Xander then sat on him. He looked down at the grunt. "What? This way you can't run from Steve. He wants a report and then you're taking two weeks off."

"No one will help the girls while I'm gone."

"Clay's down here and he said he would," James said. "I already told him you're still in shock." Xander went limp. "Beyond that, you're more comfy than the stool I need to restuff."

"You're heavy."

"Not that heavy."

"James, he's got injuries, dear," Gaia said. She sighed when he got up to strip Xander off, smiling at Clint. "James is very much like Xander's big brother."

"Steve's still sure we were having sex," Bucky complained. "I had to tell him about the two bar girls who turned into weapons groupies." He spotted all the injuries that were barely treated and hauled Xander up and out to the stream. "Let me help him clean these."

"I'm fine, let me go!" Xander complained, trying to get free. He finally resorted to tripping him and then getting out of the way.

"Hey, some life left in you after all," James said, smirking and following him. "If you want to have this talk now, we can do that but I'm going to kick your ass for not calling for backup. You could've. You know that."

"So you would've died too?" he demanded.

James looked around, spotting him up a tree. "You're not Barton, that won't work for you."

"Bullshit. I'm fine. Go talk to Mom."

"Fat chance." He shook the tree until Xander yelped and nearly fell. Then he suddenly wasn't there. James growled, looking around. He smiled at the pretty woman who showed up hauling Xander. "Thank you, Xander's mother."

"What happened?"

"There was almost an invasion down here. Xander stopped it when weapons couldn't by making a new hellmouth to shut their portal."

She looked at her son then hugged him as tightly as she could. "No wonder you have all the injuries."

"I was taking him to the river to wash them off," James said.

She smiled at him. "You make an excellent big brother for him, Janus." She looked at her son, who was looking like a kicked puppy. "None of that, my son. Go with Janus. I'll get you some of the healing lotion we use." She walked off, disappearing and coming back to find James had carried Xander into the river and tossed him into a deep section. She giggled, putting a basket on the ground. "Here, for his injuries. It should help heal them. Use it around your shoulder as well, Janus, and on all of his injuries. Give the rest to Gaia for me." She blew a kiss at her son, stunning him. It worked well on immortal guys. She disappeared with a smug look.

James grinned. "I like your mom and she makes good cookies." He stared at him until Xander huffed and splashed himself. Clint brought down a basket, handing over the soap and brush. "Thanks." He handed them over. Xander cleaned himself up. Then let James dose all his injuries, even though he was pouting. James stared. "Wow." He touched an older scar with the lotion and it healed too. "Huh. No wonder she wanted me to use it around my shoulder." He stripped off and did that while Clint walked Xander back to the hut. Most of his injuries and scars on his chest faded too. "That's really handy." He brought both baskets with him. "From Xander's natal mother, Mom."

She looked in it and smiled. "That's very handy. Thank you, boys." They grinned. "You three settle in and rest. You can leave after dawn." They nodded and settled in to rest. Clint got Xander talking about himself. James listened and watched over them all. Some people still came after Gaia. It wouldn't happen when they were here.

***

Steve jogged up to the roof, grinning when Clint came off with Xander. "Hi, Xander."

"Hey," he said, sounding tired.

Bucky came off, handing over the keys. "Xander's got two weeks of vacation."

"That's great," Steve agreed. "We have the couch." Xander started to shake his head so Bucky nicely knocked him out again. Clint walked off laughing. "He okay?"

"No. He's burned out. He's to the point where he was thinking that it might've been better if he had done the spell himself by stepping into the portal instead of from a distance."

Steve quirked an eyebrow up. "I've seen soldiers in that state." Bucky nodded. "Want me to call Sam?"

"I was hoping you'd know his number." He carried Xander in over his shoulder, waving at everyone as they walked past them. "Xander's got vacation. We're enforcing it since he's like a little brother." They laid Xander on Steve's couch and let him rest while Steve called Sam and Bucky ate something. She had almost made it a compulsion this time. Clint had only blushed when he had woken up first and found Bucky nursing in his sleep. It did help. He felt stronger afterward. He felt healthier too. Steve handed him extra food and let him sit down to watch tv while eating it. They could handle Xander. They were in the main living area making dinner when Xander woke up.

Xander blinked awake, taking in the furniture and other things around him. He winced and got up, holding his side. That still ached, it was good to note. He snuck to the door but it was locked from the other side or something. He could not get it open. That and he could hear voices out there. He snuck back to look around, finding the hidden emergency exit. Those couldn't be locked, it was against fire code. He checked, a lot of stairs. He snuck down them, not caring he was barefoot and didn't have anything on him but his clothes and a dagger he had hidden.

Out in the main area, the AI cleared his throat. "Captain, your guest is escaping down the emergency stairs," he said.

"Figures," James said, heading for the elevator. Steve went to get him from that side. James spotted Xander coming down and hid until he could grab him by the back of his shirt and hauled him off. Steve grinned and followed him. They got off the elevator and put him in front of Sam. "This is Sam. He works with vets who're just back from war zones. Talk to him about some of the stuff you've done because he won't yell at you like I will about those succuba." He walked off.

"What succuba?" Xander said, looking confused. "I haven't seen a succuba since the last time I was in the states."

"The pretty brunettes you got photographed with," James called. "Their true natures showed through."

"They weren't succuba. They were Hamadryads." He shook his head, looking at the new guy. "Hi, I'm Xander. I'm trying to escape and hide."

"Without shoes?" Sam asked. "Most hotels require 'em too."

Xander shrugged. "I can go to a demon bar and get taken home."

"No, you can't. We've warned everyone you're on enforced vacation," Steve called from the kitchen. He leaned out with a smile. "If you do go to one, ask them if they know what you were doing since Mr. Giles said you haven't filed a report in a while." He leaned back in.

Xander sighed, shaking his head. "I need to go somewhere."

"You could sit down," Sam said. "I know some guys that just got home from helping hunt down a warlord down there."

"I saw one of them. He wanted to date me but he was a scungy mother fucker." Sam stared, mouth slightly open. Xander waved a hand. "Sometimes bad guys are like that about me. The one before him I think I stabbed in the side for trying to drug me in a bar." He rubbed his side, frowning some. "I need to hide from them so they can be friends and all that." He walked off. "Maybe I'll see you again, Sam. You seem like a nice guy."

"Why are you rubbing your side?" Sam asked. "Injury?"

"It's a few days old," he admitted with a shrug, trying to figure out which door he needed. "It's okay enough."

Steve walked out and hauled Xander back to the couch, putting him onto it but taking off his t-shirt. He checked his side. "You went into that battle with broken ribs?" he demanded.

"Not a lot of choice! They were going to kill everyone!"

Steve sighed. "You really are like a little brother Bucky would've had." He handed him back the shirt. "We can take x-rays."

"I don't allow doctors to touch me," Xander said firmly, staring at him. "No way in hell."

Steve stared back. "That's Dr. Banner."

"I've met him," he quipped. "I thanked him for saving one of the girls." Bruce nodded with a smile. "I still don't allow medical professionals near me. And when I'm unconscious there's protections so they can't do more than touch my skin."

"X-rays?" Steve asked.

"No. Nothing."

Steve sighed. "Don't be stubborn, Xander."

"I think he may have a reason for it," Sam said. Xander nodded quickly. "But you're awake and we only want to take x-rays of your rib, make sure it hasn't slipped and won't be puncturing a lung."

Xander looked at him. "No, I put it back in place before it could do that."

Sam blinked. "You put your own rib back into place?" Xander nodded. "Have you never seen a doctor?"

"When one nearly killed me by taking out my appendix. Otherwise, no."

Bruce shook his head. "I heard about your former town and the medical people who were more interested in selling bodies, Xander. We are not going to do that. I won't check your blood for anything but infection. I'll only take an x-ray of your ribs unless you have something else broken." He stared at him. "I'm not going to experiment or anything on you. Just the one tiny x-ray and the blood work?"

Xander shook his head. James stepped out of the kitchen, handing Xander a sandwich, which he ate. "Remember that talk where I wanted to put you in a collar and leash? It's going to come up again. I will be there and take Banner out if he tries to do anything but look at your injuries." He stared at him. "No, you don't have a choice."

"I do so. I can leave."

"You move and I'm having *her* show up to nag and then go find wherever she stashed Willow to help her." James stared at him. "Let's go to the infirmary, Xander."

"I'm not a little kid and I can make my own choices," he said with a glare.

"Yup, but you're making poor ones. Including arguing with me." He hauled him up. "Eat on the way to the infirmary. Bruce followed. Before they got on the elevator, Xander attacked and spat something and James had to move to defend himself.

"He's a bit feral," Sam told Steve quietly. "You need to gentle him again. He's been alone too long. Plus he's still in a semi-shell shocked state."

Steve nodded, walking over to stop the sparring match. Bucky wasn't trying to hurt Xander but Xander was trying to hurt Bucky. He hugged Xander, making him struggle. "Calm down," he said in his ear. "I won't let anyone hurt you and you know I don't make cheap promises, Xander." He was still struggling. "Just the one tiny x-ray and Bruce won't take any blood or anything. I'll keep James from treating you like his new pet puppy. Just...work with us a little bit, okay? We need to make sure you're not going to die of that broken rib." Xander tried to wiggle again so he held him more firmly. "Calm down. We don't want to have to sedate you." He carried Xander onto the elevator that way and let Bruce take the x-ray. Then they took him back up to the room and let him lock himself in there, but did lock off the emergency stairs.

The AI interrupted them talking to Sam about him. "I believe he got rescued by a demonic entity. He cut his thumb in the bathroom and then said something I did not hear," JARVIS said. "He's no longer in the building. The drool the demon was putting out is eating through the floor."

"I'll take care of the drool and then we'll go to the demon bars to find him," Steve promised, going to do that. Xander's t-shirt was still in the living room but he had taken his shoes and his wallet this time. Not the phone though. It was ringing on the table. He answered it. "Xander's not near his phone right now. He left it on my coffee table." He listened, looking at Bucky. "Jamira?"

He took it. "What's wrong, Jamira?" He listened. "That's good to know. Yeah, I'm going there now. He's got a broken rib and he's fighting taking a forced vacation. We nearly had to knock him out to do an x-ray." He nodded. "Thanks. Can you have them send me a report on what he's done? We can't find everything. Thank you." He hung up. "He's downtown." Steve cleaned up the demon drool while Bucky found a few lighter weapons. Then they drove down there. They found Xander in the bar nursing a beer. The demons all pointed and got out of the way. James used the blowdart he had found and Xander collapsed, spilling the beer. "That's handy." He looked around. "We'd like a report on what Xander did since he won't mention it. He thinks Rosenburg will show up to nag again." They smiled at him.

"What makes you think you can have him?" one being said, standing up. "I could claim him. I am one of the top vampires in this city." He ignored the snorting of amusement from the others in the bar. Bucky walked up to him and slammed his head through the bar with his metal hand. "Ow."

Bucky grinned. "I'm the Winter Soldier, boy, and you're in Captain Roger's territory. You'd better have better manners." The vampire whined and staked himself. "Good idea." He and Steve picked Xander up and carried him out to the car, driving back to the tower. Then he went onto the main room's couch so he couldn't escape again. Bruce did what checks he could and took some hair to test for things like drugs. The others let him sleep until Bucky got a delivery from a cute little vampire wannabe. She was wearing something goth lolita with sky-high heels and had her hair up in a fancy bow under her cap. She was also chewing gum, which annoyed him. "Thanks. That all of it?"

"No. The only ones who know everything are the people who make the bets. My people don't talk to the demonic mafia." She shrugged and skipped off.

James watched her ass for a minute then went upstairs to hand the reports to Steve. "Only the demonic mafia knows all of it."

"Great," he said, looking over things he had no idea about. "He did what?"

James read it upside down then looked at Xander. "You got drunk and got into a bar fight with three demons? Wow, no wonder you have the broken rib, kid." He went to make some coffee.

Steve looked at Sam. "How?" he asked quietly.

"He's been alone too long."

"He gets to talk to a lot of people," James said from the kitchen.

"Not the same as having someone there who'll pat you for no reason on the arm. That and I think he's a bit stubborn, guys." Steve nodded. "He doesn't know to trust you."

"He knows to trust James."

"He's also worried about what he'll say." He stared at Steve. "You called him like his little brother and it seems to be that way to me too, but that comes with a worry about him being a big brother." Xander moaned and flipped onto his side, then yelped and switched sides. "He's tougher than a lot of guys I know. They wouldn't have been able to flip onto the side with the broken rib."

"He ignores injuries," James said, coming out with coffee for them. He looked at Xander. "You're not asleep. Want coffee?" Xander shook his head. "She sent you on vacation for a reason."

"All you're going to do is nag about shit that I do my way instead of yours," he mumbled.

"Uh-huh. Not likely, though I'd like a report so I know if I have to scream about anything. Like, say, the handing of a warlord over to pay a poker debt."

Xander opened his eye to look at him. "It wasn't my debt. I was only gathering for my poker buddy." He closed the eye. "I need to play some more. The last apocalypse wiped out everything I had stored for the girls down there."

"Everything?"

Xander nodded. "Down to the swords. We already knew sharp and pointy wasn't going to work on them." James grimaced. "Not. One. Word."

"I'd rather you got artillery some other way," he said dryly.

"Yeah but you hate it when I take down pirates that're trying to capture me or the girls to get them too," he quipped, making himself sit up. "I'm. Fine," he said firmly, staring at Steve. Then at James. "I'm okay. I can go to a hotel where they'll spoil me rotten."

"The girls can find you there."

"Not like this building doesn't have a shiny sign on it."

"They can't get in here without us knowing," James said, staring at him. "Got another excuse for not liking the couch?" He sipped his coffee.

"Maybe I want some beach time." James pointed toward the ocean. "That's not a real beach."

"Sure as hell is, complete with easy dames in bikinis," Steve said. "We used it to our own advantage more than once." He smiled. "The couch is a lot cheaper."

"And I'd be interrupting."

"You're going to go mope and that's not a vacation. So yeah, you and the couch are going to start dating." James smirked at him. "Or I can knock you out again. She'll be pleased if you nap more often." He stared at him. "And ate."

"I ate earlier."

"You've been living on hard rations," Sam said. Xander nodded, shrugging a tiny bit. "How is that not hurting?"

"Really high pain tolerance." He looked at him. "Who are you?"

"Sam Wilson." He grinned and held out a hand. "Also known as Falcon. I worked with Steve a few times and I work with newly returned vets at the VA."

Xander shook his hand. "That's gotta be harder than me backing up the slayers so thank you for that." Sam smiled. "I don't need a therapist," he said, getting it.

"Bullshit. You went feral there for a few minutes," Steve said. Xander and Sam both stared at him. "What?"

"You swore," Sam quipped.

"I was in the army in the middle of a war zone. I learned how to swear in three languages by the time I ended up in that plane," he quipped back. Xander said something and got up, heading for the bathroom. "Not in that language though."

"He said 'flirting, eww' in one of the demon languages. Kid, if I wanted to flirt with Steve, I'd do it in my room. I'm not into threesomes that way."

Steve hit him on the arm. "I'm not into them at all. Thanks." James smirked at him. "Dames were your thing, not mine."

"I tried really hard but even when they flirted you got all shy and couldn't do more than kiss them on the cheek." James walked off, going to retrieve Xander before he escaped out of the bathroom. No, still in there. He looked up. "Hey, Barton?" he called.

"Got it," he called.

"Thanks." He looked back at Steve and Sam, shrugging. Xander said something and he could hear Clint laughing. "I doubt he's watching you piss, Harris. C'mon out."

Xander opened the door, staring at him. "I need to go somewhere private, where no one watches me."

"Considering a few of the slayers are media stars, no go," he said with a point at the couch. "The couch is free and free is always best on a vacation. Then you can spend that minuscule paycheck Giles pays you to get new t-shirts and jeans." He looked at him. "You can't pick up girls in that."

"Yes I can. Gretchen's in town." He smirked. "She said I can have half of her waterbed."

"I thought they arrested her," James said, considering it. "If you do, we'll have to bust in and get her anyway. Do you really want to start that trend? I did it a few times in Africa and you hated me for it." He smirked.

Xander patted him on the metal arm. "Keep it up. I don't need a leash, a collar, or a keeper. Remember, I know things that will love to eat your special arm for you." He smirked back. "And they owe me a poker debt."

Bucky burst out laughing. "It's good you're getting back to mouthy already." He walked him back to the couch and shoved him down. "If they tried, I'd have to ask Stark for a better one."

Xander stared at him. "Does that mean I should talk the poker buddies into not taking the contract on his life? Again?"

"Probably, yes," Steve said. "What contract?"

Xander sighed, looking at him. "They'll get mad at me. It's not from them but they'll get mad at me."

"We can access some very good sites for contract killings," Natasha said as she came out of her room. She got onto the computer system up there. "I see the usual three against him." Xander got her onto another site. "I thought it was defunct."

"Only over here. Over there, it's the only one they can get to in some countries because they blocked out the others."

She nodded. "That makes sense. They probably thought it was defunct so removed it from the list." She sorted through it. "Two of those are groups I haven't heard of."

Xander pointed at one. "They're demonic and like engineering but they hate that he quit doing weapons. They're pouty. They're also very bad card sharps. I don't play with the artificers. Though one has offered to turn a vehicle into something I could really use once. He had to prove his skills. I should get it next year. I'm not sure if it'll be like the cartoon Ghost Rider's bike or something else. They were scrying somewhere that had artificed cars having sex and making baby ones."

She looked at him. "How is that possible?" she asked.

He grinned. "Magic."

"I think I have a headache," she sighed, getting back to the others, researching the various contracts. "That one seems to be from a group that's no longer around." Xander shrugged one shoulder. "And that's one we thought was canceled but was reapplied," she said when she spotted it. Stark came off the elevator a moment later, staring over her shoulder. She looked up at him.

"Let me know if I need to end them." He looked at Xander. "You're secure here."

"I could be on a beach with easy chicks who want laid by someone exotic and a bit dangerous. Or a few people I dated in Africa."

"Mostly under arrest," James quipped.

"Not likely. Hermione is free." He smirked at him.

"The assassin trainee? Why did she want to date you?"

"She thinks I'm good at it and I don't have fits about her job. She also used me to fulfill her teacher's commands to not be a virgin any longer." He smirked. "It was kinda nice on the boat she stole."

Steve shook his head. "You shouldn't go out with people like that. They can hurt you."

Xander looked at him. "They never want to hurt me. They like me. They're about the only people who want to sleep with me these days."

"They could get you arrested."

"Interpol has a nice file that lists that fact. They cross-reference it now and then to see who I've seen casually and not to see how bad they are because it's a good indication of someone climbing the ladder and getting to the middle management level."

Steve blinked. "What?"

Natasha pulled that up after some searching, letting them read it. She looked at Xander. "Not one, but three assassins? In the last eighteen months?"

Xander looked and pointed at one. "She was only in to take out her competition. She was good. I needed the stress relief. She needed stress relief before she shot the guy who hit her daughter by accident, on purpose, so she'd be out of the way for a meeting. It was okay. Not world shaking but pretty darn good." He got up and wandered off. "I should call her. See what she's doing."

Natasha clicked that link. "Ten years hard time in Italy, sorry."

"Damn. But hey, if I live ten more years...." He shrugged, going to the bathroom to get a drink of water.

"We have a filter pitcher," Stark said.

Xander looked at him, then shook his head. "No thanks. I'm not that thirsty. Where's the spring break places?"

"It's June. Too late for spring break. Summer rush... Which is usually on the lakes in Nevada."

"Cool. I've never been there." He nodded, grinning at James. "Let me go find a party spot."

"Sit. Down." Xander and he stared at each other. "If you make me chase you, I'll paddle you like a little kid."

"Only if you want to be missing that arm. I'm pretty sure the artificers would *love* to get hold of it and give it sentience and protection spells and all sorts of neat things."

"I'll have to find one to see if they can do a self lubricating and self cleaning spell." He stared at Xander. Who was touching his side. "Hand off the tattoo, Xander. I doubt you want to go to the Council house to be nagged by Buffy and everyone." He smirked, moving closer. "And if you use an emergency exit one, they'll get mad at you."

"No they won't. They'll expect that I was fleeing a girlfriend. They do that a lot."

"Uh-huh. Want me to give them the reports the demon underground gave me?"

"I doubt they'll pay any attention to it. I got told the other day I was still normal, even after taking down some pirates." He shrugged and smiled. "I'm going to find something easy." He walked off but James knocked him out and put him back onto the couch.

"I don't think he's used to support networks," Stark said, walking off. "Or someone giving a damn at all. Let me know if you need my help, guys." He waved, getting onto the elevator to go back to the lab. He decided not to tell Pepper. She'd try to coo over Harris and if she liked him too much it meant she was the evil Pepper and that'd be bad for everyone. Better to not know before he had to find a new girlfriend and CEO.

James and Steve shared a look then shrugged. They looked at Sam.

"Stark's probably a bit right about that. Let him run a tiny bit wild but I'm pretty sure he'll end up having a binge drinking moment."

"Not the first," James said. "Or the second."

"And I'm pretty sure if he's got an ex they might be the peaceful rest he needs. Unless they're going to make him do something?"

"Are you suggesting we let Xander go find an ex that isn't under arrest?" Steve asked.

Sam nodded. "It might help and if Interpol knows then I'm pretty sure the FBI at least knows."

"They have him listed as part of the Council but dangerous and under watch if he's anywhere they're working," Natasha said, pulling up his file with them. "It's been amended to say he's considered armed and dangerous even if he's naked and there's an order that if they're taking down the Council for some reason to neutralize him first by medical coma at the least." She looked at them. "The next part says 'watch out for Rosenburg'." They all nodded. "Beyond that they said to let him handle anything he wants to handle and clean up if there's a mess.

"That he has permission to hoard artillery for the Council's use by the President and the UK governments both. Plus permissions from various African countries." James smirked at Xander's body. "They do not have a report on what he's been doing. Very few mentions. Including that he spotted two agents undercover and forcefully removed them from their missions but that afterward those groups had been destroyed by someone, they suspect him."

James looked. "No. I had them removed so I could handle it. Both were HYDRA related." He finished his coffee. She typed that in and closed the file out. "What does the SHIELD one say?"

"Almost nothing beyond 'dangerous, handles things, do not approach unless you're volunteering to help with something'." She grinned slightly. "If we run into him on missions we're to acknowledge him and make sure we're not working on the same target. Grant Ward updated his file after spending six months training with him."

"I remember the geek. He had a tiny bit of sense." He grimaced. "They could've sent him more."

"The Director was worried that Harris would warp them too. Ward came back with long hair, needing a huge feast to fill himself up, and paranoid about things. He could only go on missions with certain handlers and agents. He handled more things on his own instead. He was worried he was turning into Clint and myself."

Steve nodded. "I saw him doing that." He looked at Xander then at James. "We can put a tracker on him."

"They'll probably want him naked, Stevie."

"Jerk," he snorted. "They have under-skin versions now."

"That might be helpful later. Will it die thanks to magic?"

"Maybe." Xander frowned, waking up sniffing something. He growled as he followed the scent, prowling around the living area. He scowled down the stairs when the elevator wouldn't open for him and to the infirmary, pouncing on the guys down there with the gas. He was closer to full on hyena but that was fine. He was good at fighting that way too. Even if their body armor tasted funny until Xander bit one's throat and shook him. Then he ducked the swing at his head and hurt them badly.

James and Steve rushed in to help. Sam was behind them with Clint and Natasha. Xander was huffing but looking pleased in a mean way. Steve moved closer to Xander, hearing the growl. "I'm not going to hurt you, Xander. I need to check on Bruce and he's behind you," Steve said calmly, pointing at Bruce. "Can I check him?" Xander looked then got out of the way. James got growled at too.

James swatted him on the head. "Put the hyena back. Now." Xander pouted but still growled at Natasha, guarding James from her. "She's not going to hurt me today. I don't want to knock you back out." He stared Xander down but he stared back. "My city," he warned. "My pack." Xander slinked off. And suddenly he got it. "Fuck!" He followed him, pinning Xander against the wall. "You're part of my pack too, Xander. Even here. You more than deserve a spot on the team for all the crazy things you do."

Steve leaned out. "What?"

"Part of that was him thinking he was intruding on my pack lands."

"Oh. Okay. Bruce is fine. Can I help?"

"No. He's back in hyena'd out land." He looked at the younger hunter. Xander was making tiny noises. James let him go and took him up to the bedroom and pointed at the couch. "Sleep there. It's your spot in the pack to sleep there." Xander pouted at him. "Don't do that. Unlike the younger shaman I don't put up with you in full on animal mode. It's creepy." Xander yelped and disappeared in a puff of smoke. "Great." He looked up. "Give. Him. Back." Xander reappeared but he was limply lying on the couch and looking dazed. "Your mom?"

Xander nodded. "Mom was great. So was Bacchus." He blinked at him. "I think I'll go spend time with Gretchen. I like her waterbed. It's one of the old ones that has all the motion." He got up and walked into the new cloud of smoke, letting them kidnap him.

Bucky followed but they had disappeared by the time he got outside. He huffed and went up to see if he could find him. Xander really did get into more trouble than a teenage Steve Rogers, and he hadn't thought that was possible. Natasha was already checking to see where Gretchen was. Steve was looking at the glass of milky looking stuff. "Where did you get that?"

"The semi naked young woman wearing cotton bikini top and skirt handed it to me and said that Xander needed that sort of vacation as well. He had learned bad stamina things from Anya. And that you're to drink it no matter what." He handed it over. "Was she demonic?"

"No. Fussing from a source that Xander knows." He gulped the milk, making a face because he hated milk. Even breast milk. He put the glass down and shook his head. And suddenly he was hungry. "Food. We can lure him with food."

"Sure. I can go make you a sandwich."

"Thanks, punk." Steve walked off with the glass. Stark took it from him to see what it was. Bucky hated eating cereal because it had milk in it. For him to gulp a glass without being nagged was weird.

***

Stark showed up an hour later. "Breast milk?"

"From a nature guardian who decided I'm malnourished and she's going to mother me until I'm in better shape," he said, staring at him. "She does it to Xander too. He found her and introduced us."

"Sure," Stark agreed, nodding. "Is she harmful?"

"No. Not unless you piss her off."

"That's most women," Steve said, digging into his dinner. "How long has she been doing this?"

"Over a year," James admitted. "It's done me good. I have regained all the weight I lost under HYDRA." He ate another large bite of dinner. "Xander's only been eating for survival so it's helped steady him too."

"You two are both really weird," Stark said. "But if it helps you can find breast milk being sold by mothers who didn't quit lactating."

"Not exactly the same as hers," Bucky said. "It only happens rarely and it was long distance nagging." Steve stared at him, chewing his current bite of pasta. "You don't argue with women like her, Steve."

"I guess you wouldn't. I figure it's like a super protein shake or something and I'm happy that you're better. That means I should nag you more about eating, right?" James nodded. "I can do that." He stuffed his mouth again, trying not to smile. James looked so embarrassed. "Maybe we can nag Xander about it together."

"Maybe. Might help him. The last time I saw him have a burger he moaned like it was sexual and inhaled it slowly. Then he drank the juices that had dripped onto the plate."

"Maybe whoever Gretchen is will feed him up," Steve quipped. Stark went into the kitchen to get coffee then left them to talk about it. "It's good she's taking care of you. That you're regaining all the lost weight and all that. I want you healthy."

"Yeah, I know. I'm working on it."

"It's a process. Remember how sickly I used to be? You came out of brainwashing about that bad."

"Not quite. Maybe the aftermath of that one flu episode." He stuffed his mouth again.

***

Xander waved at the people dropping him off in Mother Nature's village, smiling at the villagers staring at him. "She made me go on vacation."

"So you let evil ones roam the world?" the head shaman asked. He smiled at Xander. "Was she tasty?"

"Very and she appreciated it too. So did I." He walked into the hut after knocking on the side. "Fine, you were right, I needed the vacation, and the sex." She patted him on the cheek. "Can you make James quit bitching?"

"No. He cares so he complains."

"He got downright creepy when you sent me there. He kept trying to knock me out and alpha me." She giggled. "I don't play that way. I don't recognize almost any alpha above me. Except maybe you." He kissed her on the cheek. "Need anything from me before I disappear to check on the girls?"

"Clay's team is back in rotation."

"That doesn't mean they want to handle some things."

She stared at him. "They can handle quite a lot."

"And I still have to rebuild their arsenal. I only won two pieces of artillery."

She grimaced. "I hate that you need to. You could borrow."

"I could go steal it too."

"Point." She pointed. He went to see who was trying to listen in. His last girlfriend's people were mad about him talking to another woman. One stomped in so she stared at him. "Yes?"

"Who are you?" he demanded. "That one belongs to Gretchen."

"I'm Gaia, child. I'm a healer and a seer. I've done some of Xander's training."

"Oh." He frowned. "So you're not hitting on him or expecting him to sleep with you?"

"Now and then he'll curl up next to me but it's never been sexual. I'm not his kind."

The man huffed. "Fine. Then we'll leave you alone."

Xander walked in and pulled the guy out by his collar. "Leave her alone before I make Gretchen hire."

"But...you can't do that!"

"Bull fucking shit, dude. Gretchen's seen me take down armed encampments before, including yours, to get what I needed for the slayers. You leave her alone. Permanently."

"Gretchen said you belong to only her now."

"That'd be really hard to do since she got arrested earlier by the text message I got from someone. Though she did nicely give all the weapons to the slayers." He stared at him. "Gretchen was fun but she never said I was owned and I don't see a collar. I don't see her out here helping me with the slayers or anything else that a Xander owner would be doing. And she knew that when we screwed the other day."

"She gave us orders," he said, staring at him.

"Probably because she knew they were coming and this way you were saved from being arrested."

"I didn't think about that." He looked at his men, who were all unconscious. "What did you do to them?"

"I beat them. The same as I should beat you for threatening a Nature Goddess." The man went pale and shook his head. "Yeah, really."

"She's a demon?"

Xander sighed and walked off. "Go. Home. Go rescue Gretchen and I'll talk to her about owning me when she's out of jail. I'll be helping the slayers."

"Sure, Xander. Thank you for only beating them and not killing them."

Xander looked back at him. "Remember, I'm more deadly than any creature on this continent when I want to be. You leave certain things alone. You never talk about her."

"I won't. Even to Gretchen. She'll be amused that she taught you things though." He gave him a hopeful smile.

"She also has me babysit now and then too," he quipped.

"Gretchen would hate that. She hates kids." He shook his head and dragged his people back to their jeep then drove off. He needed to talk to his boss.

Xander looked up. "Why me? It wasn't even that special. She'd never be able to keep up with me like a proper girlfriend would." He heard the giggling and looked at her. "Yours?"

"No, Xander. Not mine. You wanted to go to Gretchen."

"I'll nag Clint about taking up his duties so he quits doing that. Before I'm all alone because all my ex's are dead." He went to gather water for her, still shaking his head. If Mother Nature wanted to get giggly over that, so be it. She had that right, she had helped make him.

***

Jake looks at his phone, which had just woken him and the rest of the guys up. And the slayer they were sleeping in the living room of. He stared at it then groaned. "Damn it."

Clay looked at him. "Some girl?"

"Not mine." He tossed the phone over. "Barnes said Xander's last date went psycho possessive and was going to try to take people out. Tried to take out Gaia."

"Great," Roque said, sounding bitter. "I take it's dating from Clay's little black book of psycho bitches?"

"I'm pretty sure they share a dating pool naturally since one of his ex's is actually Wade. Which none of us knew about but they met back when Xander was on his post-grad roadtrip and having to strip." The guys all sat up to stare at him. Jake yawned and nodded. "Six weeks of propping Xander's bad stripping up and being his big, bad one as he put it. He said he wasn't bad in bed but that Wade got too possessive and was talking about tattooing his name on Xander's ass so he kicked him out.

"They fought a bit so Wade could resume his dominance." He yawned again and laid his head back down. "But he didn't realize Xander had been hunting for three years against faster, stronger things so Wade got staked and nearly killed by Xander who then told him he wasn't a possession and the only tattoos he'd be getting on him were probably mystical in nature. From what he said, Wade moped for a few days of stalking and then huffed off to kill something." He drifted back off.

Clay looked at Roque. "You're not that bad," Roque assured him. "I thought only a son of yours could be worse than you."

"Him having a son means you'd have been pregnant," Cougar said in Spanish but laid back down.

Amaya leaned out of the bedroom, staring at them. "The kid heard you." They groaned. "And yeah, Xander told some of us about Wade when he robbed him a few months after he started down here. He needed weapons so he screwed him and robbed him then ran off to handle the incident. Wade followed and decided it was a good idea so he'd just take payment in another night. The girls all went 'eww' and Wade glared but they couldn't quite steal Xander back. So they had fun. Xander said he wasn't *bad* in bed but he'd had a few better." She went back to bed, grinning at her daughter. The commando team were all shuddering and were trying to find something to take their mind off Xander and Wade having sex.

"I'm so telling Barnes so he can snap the kid's leash tighter," Clay finally decided. He used Jensen's phone to send that message, including all that he knew about it. Wade was not what he wanted around the slayers. They were vulnerable girls and Wade was a psychotic asshole.

***

Bucky woke up with a flinch, grabbing his phone off his night stand. He read it and grimaced. "Who's Wade?" he muttered, sending that. He got back a profile name and number, looking that up. "Huh. Yeah, Xander has bad taste and it's been that way for way too long." He went back to bed shaking his head the whole way. He'd tie Xander up later to talk to him about decent lovers.

Steve came out to look at that profile then at Bucky's room. "Is he an op?" he called.

"He's an ex of Xander's and tied up in the drama Clay's team went through."

"Oh, okay." He looked. "He's presently running some of the rogue former SHIELD agents that were HYDRA and weren't caught. Huh."

"That makes him a target since he escaped from prison after treatment for the liver cancer."

"Sure, I can pull up stuff for that." He settled in to do that. What he saw of Wade's profile...that was bad. Xander needed better taste.

***

Xander looked up from sharpening things. He was stalled here for another day on orders of Mother Nature so he was working on his gear. A jeep was driving their way and he had the feeling it related to the text message he had gotten from James about having better taste in lovers. Or it was Gretchen. Nope, it wasn't her. He stood up and walked over to keep Wade from getting out of the jeep. "Why are you here?"

"I came to see you," he said with a smile.

"Uh-huh. What's happened now?"

"Nothing. Just got some free time and I heard you were traipsing around again."

"I am in a few days." He stared at him. "I'm not real happy with you."

"Tell me you didn't take their side in that. It was a job, Xander."

"Jake's like family," he said with a grin. "And he said he wants to cut off your balls."

"I'm sure he'd do good licking them first," he shot back.

Xander sighed. "What are you sick with?"

"A few things."

Xander stared at him. "Did you come looking for me for pity or for help?"

"I hate pity fucks. I was hoping for a nice time."

Xander nodded. "I still don't like what you did. You nearly got a bunch of kids killed."

"Not my doing. I left that part of the plan up to others. Just one weekend?" Xander sighed, looking back then at Wade. "I could be mean and raid this nice village."

"Which means that whatever you're sick with won't be killing you. I would. You don't touch the special ones."

"I heard you have visions."

"Yes and they suck ass." He stared at him. "I'm not going to give you a happy ending, Wade. I may still think you're good in bed but I don't kill people for fun. Or in bed."

"Not asking you to."

"What is it?"

"Liver cancer."

Xander winced. "That sucks ass even bigger." Wade nodded. He sighed. "No one hears about it."

"You ashamed of me?" he asked with an evil little smirk.

"Considering you're like an abusive ex boyfriend? I should be."

"That fight seriously got me harder than watching you strip did." Xander laughed, moving closer. "No fighting this weekend."

"I can accept that. Mom?"

"Go," she said. "Make sure he eats this weekend. He's falling back into survival eating." She stared at Wade. "I can make it a much worse death."

He nodded. "I'll bring him back in two days."

"Sure." Wade let Xander climb in so they could drive off to where he had set up a camp nearby. She sighed and sent a message to Jake to warn him. Desperate people often did stupid things. Like taking Xander in for a weekend of sex when they were exhausted. She got an idea and checked. Yes, that one was nicely down here playing with her offspring. She could help as well. She did so adore Xander.

***

Jake looked at his phone. "Wade's in Africa. He wanted one last happy weekend with Xander." He forwarded that message to James and Tony. Because Wade had probably escaped from the prison. He looked up when Tony wrote back. "He has inoperable liver cancer. His only hope is a magical miracle according to Tony."

"Xander can't do magic," Roque said. "So probably just one last happy weekend."

"Or Xander will obligate him helping the slayers," Clay said with an evil grin. "For the help."

They all sent up silent prayers that some nice demon put a leash on Wade and made him the armory master for the slayers. That way someone was on hand who could bring down Rosenburg if necessary and Xander didn't have to play as much poker.

***

Hours after dropping Xander off, Wade walked into a demon bar, nodding at a few of them. He walked up to the palest person in there. "Got a proposition for you."

The vampire looked at him. "The smart ones of us watch the knight, even back when he was in high school," he said bluntly. "I can tell you're sick."

"I've been shot at too many times and I'd get out of it. Maybe something peaceful I won't."

The vampire stared at him. "You want turned?"

"No. There was already one demon that showed up to offer me my health back if I would obligate myself to the slayers for the next ten years. I nearly died then from the thought of all the girls."

"It could help them a lot," the vampire admitted, considering it. "He would've taken you?"

"He said I had enough purity left but he also said there were marks of purity for things like fucking the goat you were slowly carving up to eat, no mention if it was already dead and cooked or not."

The vampire smiled and nodded. "Most of them would consider alive a worse sin." Wade grimaced. "That way most everyone's pure somehow. It means less disqualifications. My assistant came from one of them." He smiled at his assistant then at Wade. "I shouldn't."

"It'll mean easy feeding."

"Yeah, true. Which keeps me out of slayer's reach." He stared at him. "I could turn you. Harris would forgive my poker debt because you'd take some of his job. There was talk about the armory and needing someone there."

Wade shuddered. "I think that's actually hell."

"Fine. We can do that. Get one good last meal."

"I had Xander for lunch and breakfast." The vampire smiled, letting his fangs fall. They led Wade to a back room. There were a few pretty female vampires that pounced him to take his mind off things while the rest of them sank their teeth into him in various places. Going with a pleasurable bang was always the best way and it made the blood taste so sweet. He even managed to come one last time before he died. Not before he drank blood, but before he died.

They even gathered some for their mother, Druscila.

***

Buffy got handed the receipt for the shipping box, looking at the vampire who was part of a peaceful demon gang. "Who sent what? Is it one of the girls being evacuated?"

"The Great Mother of Darkness sends her regards with her newest son. He's to help you in the armory but she suggested you keep the girls off him. He's commando trained, he's slightly evil and a bit psychotic. His soul's a bit broken. But he knows weapons and giggling girls is his version of hell." He smirked. "She told him he shouldn't have been so naughty to your Xander when he woke up. He tried to kill himself but can't. She made sure of it. You can have him for up to ten years." He strolled off. "He's sedated in that crate. His kind can know the sun. She formed a troupe with some like that down there."

"Huh," she said, walking off calling Giles. He drove up to pick her up and go pick up their new minion. They had worked well with Spike, and still did. This one would be loyal to Dru's boyfriend. Spike got gathered too so he could control the minion. They got there to find him awake and swearing heavily.

Spike got him out of the box, staring at him. "I remember seeing you," he said. He stared at him. "My Dark Princess always did have a wicked sense of humor."

"I'm hoping this is all a joke," Wade complained, stepping out of the box.

"Nope, sorry." Spike grinned. "Come meet our slayer."

"I've almost sniped her in the past for being an ass to Xander. Think he'd want me back?"

"Whelp won't date the undead. Which is a pity. There were plenty of days I wanted to make him scream." He led him over. "Watcher, Slayer, this is Wade."

Buffy stared at him. "I heard about you and Xander having a fight." Wade groaned, shaking his head. She smirked. "Screwy things happen when someone wants to protect Xander. Just ask the herd of centaur goats in Africa. Willow made them part goat instead of part horse."

"That'd make them satyrs, Buffy," Giles said. "When did she do that?"

"Few days back." She looked at him then at Wade again. "You know weapons?" He nodded. "Like Xander does?"

"Better. My last boss is an arms dealer and I have minions who were HYDRA and can get me nearly anything."

"Good. I'll keep the girls off you and you can hide in the armory so Xander can quit playing poker." She nodded. "Get in." He did with a huff but he already had a fidelity spell and a loyalty spell applied thanks to Dru. They were tattooed on his lower throat. Spike was trying not to smirk at his new child. Buffy was happy because this one gave her tingly feelings like Angel had. Giles just prayed for patience as he got in to drive them back to the Council house. He'd warn the other girls to stay away from him.

***

Jake got a message from a guy he wanted to punch. He burst out laughing. "Wade's little unit of HYDRA commandos he took over are now completely loyal to the slayers but one. Because Wade got turned when he asked them not to by Druscila's kids." He smirked at them. "She put a loyalty curse on him toward the Council for ten years."

Xander appeared, shaking his head. "Faith's already had the 'just don't eat her, we won't care if we take her and you out but just don't make us have problems'. She assured him he'd be a capital-M minion, the guy taking the girls shopping and doing laundry duty after bad hunts. He'd get to take some of Andrew's minion spots if he ate Buffy.

"Then Grant got into his face. The only one that's not there is one guy that used to be in Rogers' tactical unit and he's trying to find others to conscript. Apparently those agents are good with taking some of my duties because Dru baby had others try to eat them." He grinned. "A nice worldwide pandemic of 'are you sure you wouldn't like to give up five percent of your immortal soul to survive the next apocalypse battle'. And then the demons obligated them." He smiled. "It was such a nice birthday present to me."

Clay looked him over. "How did you get here?"

"Sarji's backup magic user took one look at me and sent me off. Said I was a bad influence." He grinned. "I already paused to call her and she screamed at her. Then told me to come back next week, she had a date tonight. So I'm here." He hugged the kid who ran out to climb him. "Hi."

"Hi, Uncle Xander." She beamed. He grinned back, giving her a cuddle. "Are you here to see me too?"

"I sure am. And your mom and these guys. Do you like these guys?"

"They're neat and Roque has *knives*," she cooed.

"He does and your mommy gets a new one this year." She squealed and ran back to tell her mother that. "Every two years they get new weapons, unless they break something."

"Giles said he's sending them next week," Clay said. "We're good at helping the girls, Xander. You can do another area."

"Then I'd have to make any shitheads there scared of me," he quipped back.

"Not that many areas you could do that. Most Central American rebel groups are a bit larger and tougher."

Xander nodded. "And hate slayers too. We *love* those areas. Beyond that I'm not trained for Central or South America, or Asia. Though if the nagging gets any worse, I'll go to Asia and learn like I did here. I can liaison with Hancock." He gave Amaya a hug. "How have you been?"

"I'm good. Did you finally get a few weeks off?"

"Yup, and found a few Xander dates that were fun." He grinned. "How about you?"

"You know I don't want men that way most of the time." She stared at him.

He kissed her on the head. "We have therapists if you'd like to figure things out."

"They'd never accept my duty."

"Cassidy, remember her?" She nodded. "She found *two*. They decided not to fight over her."

"She should donate." She patted him on the chest. "I still have no use for men in my life outside training and battles. Then I can stare at the pretty ones for inspiration to win without huge injuries." She picked up her bouncing daughter. "She'll have someone nicer."

"I sure hope so." He tweaked the kid's ear. "Let's go over the recent problems. Sarji said one's been coming from up this way and she's not sure from where or what it is yet."

"We all went to greet her and to learn what a hellmouth felt like, beyond what you leak of yours. She's very nice."

"She's from Pakistan." He walked her off. "Her family's from a larger village." Amaya nodded and the guys followed. Xander laid out what he knew of that demon. She had heard of it locally but nothing more. They couldn't find it in the books and Xander's poker debts were being nicely obtuse about it. So they weren't sure if it was a problem or not. He'd be back there soon though so they'd have to see.

***

Xander got out of the jeep and looked around. "Did I not send your tainted self off to protect this area?" the old woman hissed.

"I'm the head watcher in Africa, woman. Desist." The woman flinched, shaking her head. "Yeah. And born on a hellmouth I might add. So shut up. I have no patience for witches this week." He walked around her, carrying a box. "Oh, Sarji, my dear slayer friend." She came to the door, black eye, looking a bit beat up. "Did it come from sparring?"

"Someone tried to claim me but I beat him pretty badly."

"Is he alive?"

"I don't really care."

"I do so I can beat his ass myself." She smiled and gave him a hug. "It is new weapons time," he said, waving the box a bit. She squealed and settled on her couch to look at them, petting them all gently. "You're getting yours last because we just met with most of the tiny ones. Who is your witchly backup?"

"I have no idea. She showed up and said she was protecting this area."

"Ah." He nodded. "We'll have a more pleasant talk later. Even if I do have to invoke and summon the redheaded one from her punishment with the Sisters of Magic." Sarji's eyes went wide. Xander grinned. "James."

"I saw him once or twice. Is he nice?"

"When he wants to be."

"Huh. Boyfriend?"

"No, he acts like a big brother a lot."

"Oh. Okay. That's always a nice thing. You are when you do it to us."

"He threatened to put a leash and collar on me to make me take a vacation." She giggled, shaking her head. "Yeah, that sort of big brother." He settled across from her. "We have heard and found very little on that threat."

"He's been here, bowed at the archway of doom, and then left but he's still hanging around. He's...powerful. That's all I can tell you."

"Like Fallen powerful? There's only been two of those noted in the last century."

"No. Not that high up but I can definitely feel power."

"I'm staying for a few days." She smiled. "I'll take the couch." She nodded. "Clay's team will be here about six days after I leave."

"That'll work. I like them, they're cute to tease and flirt with. And Jake's sweet."

"His sister would like him to settle with someone nice."

"Awww."

"He has a niece too. She's nine or ten I think."

"Double awww." She grinned. He grinned back. "Let me put these up. The military guys stationed here are all pretty respectful."

"That's good. We like that." She giggled as she walked off. He sent in his last few reports from his phone and relaxed. One of the military guys walked in and he nodded. "I'm here checking on her and seeing if she needs help with the new problem."

"That's fine, Xander." He shook his hand. "The old witch is hissing that you're unnatural."

"Well, I've been possessed a few times," he said dryly. The soldier laughed. "The hyena's really pretty nice."

"I'm sure they are." He patted him on the arm, smiling at Sarji. "We're going to the local market."

"My order and money." She found them and handed them over. "Here you go."

"Thank you, Sarji. Xander?"

"I have supplies. I stopped in the village to the south on the way here. The others had a meeting at one house to celebrate an important birthday." The soldier smiled and nodded. "I wonder what the witch is picking up."

"Who knows. I can't feel your hellmouth taint so you're not leaking like that one time. I can't feel the hyena trying to come up like I did when you got sick." Xander shook his head but smiled. "Is she happy to be here?"

"Pretty much. The shaman I've been training likes her to come out to teach him how to do things better." She rolled her eyes. "Yup, just like the one that let me roll around for two weeks and pounce everyone. There's been no magical accidents lately, which I'm really happy about."

"Has she learned her lesson?"

"I think it's an ongoing lesson but I hope so. I know Buffy reported some satyrs the other day."

Sarji sighed but shook her head. "Figures." She led him out to her practice area so she could workout with him. She didn't worry about damaging him the way she did the local soldiers. He knew how to keep up with a slayer. She saw the witch looking and smiled. "It's my evaluation."

"I think that's supposed to be next month," Xander admitted but shrugged. "We can do it early." She nodded and they faced each other. He bowed slightly with a grin. She attacked and he defended, working against her usual style. They were slowly speeding up so Xander was having to improvise. They heard a cleared throat and Xander looked around, expecting to find James. Nope. Huge demon. Xander blocked a kick from Sarji. "Wow, you're the level of a prince of hell."

The demon smiled. "I find this one very worthy and would like to claim her."

"You can't claim slayers," Sarji said, pausing her attacks on Xander. "Sorry, and I'm not for sale. I'm not that sort of woman."

Xander nodded. "She's not. She's very uptight too." She hit him on the arm. "Ow." He rubbed it. The weapons were inside. The jeep had a few. It was farther away. They stared at the demon. "The Council will never give you a slayer. I'm sorry you came all this way for nothing."

"I think I can win her. I challenge you," he told Xander and lunged at him with his claws out. He and Sarji defended and some of the soldiers came running.

"Weapons," Sarji called. "Now please!" A few ran to get them things from her stash. The rest fired on the demon to get him to back off. The demon laughed. "Hmm. Not all that pleasant. Why would I want a man like you? I mean, I could have a man like Jake Jensen. He's *much* better of a man." The demon sneered. "Plus he likes computers. He can teach me how to do more than email and find youtube." Xander nodded.

The demon came at them again, growling. Now they had swords, so a tiny bit better. Still almost impossible to kill and/or banish. They kept fighting it, making it retreat. Xander tripped the trap it laid by throwing a rock at it. Then sand at the demon's face. They finally killed it a few hours later, leaning down to pant and catch their breaths. "Burn," she called, waving a hand. "Please, Goddess, burn it." The military guys ran over to do that for her. She leaned on Xander's shoulder, getting patted for it. "I hate long battles."

He stood up, giving her a hug. "We all hate long sword battles but you did great."

She grinned. "Thanks, Xander." She walked back with him.

"The demon came because of him," the witch pronounced, pointing at Xander.

Xander stared at her. "That's funny, it was here before I was and I'm the one that made the hellmouth so it'd stop the invasion so you didn't get eaten." She gasped and backed up, shaking her head. "Yeah, I'm *that* Xander." He stared at her. "You have no business near a slayer. I can sense the taint from here, ma'am. You certainly aren't a witch." She flew at him, coming out of the robes to show her true body. Xander moved Sarji by shoving her and swung at the demon's head. Missed. Got her claws.

Missed on her second pass, getting clawed but he cut one of her wings. Then he got her neck when she flew back at him. He chanted something and poured the holy water he carried onto her then waved the burning team over. They did and he sent her soul on. She had been human once. The soul itself screamed before dissipating but oh well. Xander shook his head, looking at the military guys. "Let me go to the bathroom and clean up." They nodded. "Thanks, guys." He went to use Sarji's. She was out of the shower by now.

"I could've handled the demon witch," she called from her bedroom.

"I'm sure but she wanted me anyway. Best to take care of it myself, Sarji. You done?"

"Yup." He went in to take a fast shower and change clothes, coming out to gulp some water and sit down to rest. He sent in a report to Giles, who was not amused. His whole message back was 'I am not amused'. He showed her. She sent her own back about the battle and how they had done it for hours and then Xander had taken down the demon witch. Then she flopped down and relaxed, reaching over to turn on the radio. They shared a grin and let themselves sleep right there. They were safe enough inside the protections on the tiny house.

The military guys were being briefed about what had happened and sending video reports back to their higher ups. Who praised their work to Giles while sending him the video. Giles...took a long drink and groaned, letting the girls in the house see it so they could go over what to do with that sort of demon. They rarely ran into them and they barely had anything in the library on them.

He nicely sent the same information and video to Jake. Who shared it with Tony and James.

***

Tony watched the video. "Sure, the level of a ruler in a hell dimension. Poor Sarji."

Abby, who had put up the video on her screen when it had come in while he was in the lab, spun to look at him. "Why?"

"He wanted to own her as a wife. Poor girl."

"Oh, well, yeah that would be bad." She spun back around, replaying it. "What's that at the end?"

"Some sort of lower level demon," Tony said with a shrug. "He called her a witch but that's not the ones we're used to. He did bless and send her soul on for her. That was nice."

"It is. Is he like a priest?"

"Trained as a shaman to control his gifts."

"Awww."

"He got possessed by a hyena once. She's a bit growly but she likes to lean on her favorite people to claim them as pack members. She's gotten me a few times."

"Hyenas are female headed." Tony nodded with a grin. Gibbs and the Director walked in. "Jensen bragged on Xander's latest battle." She let them see it. The Director was making unhappy noises. "I have it on double speed because otherwise it'll take hours."

Tony nodded. "I have never had that level of stamina. I probably won't. I think Xander got it from Anya." Gibbs swatted him on the head. "He did! He was with the slight nympho former demon while doing nightly patrols and doing construction, Gibbs."

The director stared at him. "What?"

"Xander was doing construction work in Sunnydale," Tony told her.

"Plus patrols with the Sunnydale team after work," Abby agreed. "Then he went home to the slightly nympho Anya, who used to be a vengeance demon and wanted at least five orgasms a night or she'd complain in public about it."

"We heard she was very blunt on some things," Tony said. "Especially about their sex life." Gibbs shook his head. "Eight to ten hours at work, two to five for slayer duty, then going home to her, which probably took more than a few hours. He has stamina I never will. Especially with a sword."

"Xander would probably like a mythical demon killing gun but it's not here," Abby quipped. "That's on a tv show." Tony nodded he had seen it. Gibbs turned off the screen.

"Why is the Council taking in HYDRA agents?" the director demanded.

Tony grinned at her. "The demons got offended and tricked some of them into making deals. That's their duty for the next decade. Wade, the one that tried to get Colonel Clay's team in trouble, got turned when he only wanted to be taken out. I hear Buffy's flirting with him. He's her type of dangerous and deadly."

"There's been a real push to get more skilled fighters into the Council, all to the same end date," Abby said. "I'm guessing they heard about a huge thing coming up."

"Something that'll mean more battles," Tony said, considering it. "What if it's like it was in LA?"

"The demons didn't have any of their debts called in to have agents go help with that." She looked at him. "Or have Xander somehow show up. The last time the demons did that was in the Invasion of New York with the Chitauri."

"Great. So worse than LA and probably worse than the one Xander ended up making a new hellmouth to stop in that one area," Tony said, considering it. "I need to learn how to use a sword."

"It's possible that so many agents mean that we'll be able to use guns this time," Gibbs said. "Though, yeah, you could use the stamina, DiNozzo."

"Gee, thanks, Boss." He looked at Abby.

"I'll find somewhere and we'll both go." He smiled and nodded. "We should talk to the remains of SHIELD." She wrote out an email to Jake and Maria Hill. She still had her email address. "There, that should get some balls rolling down the right hills." She grinned at Tony. "Sword or axe?"

"I don't know. Axes have some times when it's limiting, like if you're hitting them from above. Both if possible. It'll be a good idea." She nodded, looking that up. The director stomped off. Gibbs followed shaking his head.

***

Maria Hill opened her email, waiting on yet another hearing in front of Congress. She stared at it, considering the few words: we think there's a reason almost all the former SHIELD agents who were actually HYDRA are now being given to the Council for ten years by demons making deals. She reloaded her inbox. Nothing else on that subject. She sent Abby an email asking for an explanation. She got back a list of who had been pushed that way and how - deal, vampire, other changing - with the note at the end that included a video about Xander's latest fight. She watched it on fast forward, grimacing at the elapsed time. "More stamina than I have." She got up when she heard shouting, going back to that first email. She leaned in and saw the members of Congress yelling at each other so she walked down to present her phone to Nick Fury.

He read it, scratching the eyebrow above his eyepatch. "Uh-huh." She loaded the second email. He flipped down it then looked at her. "That's definitely a bad indication. See if we can find out what. Make sure Stark or Rogers have that list. The ones I know are all good hand-to-hand fighters." She nodded, going to do that. Plus forward that fight video. He considered it. If the demons were making plans a decade in advance it was probably a bad idea. One of the members of Congress cleared her throat. "Sorry, some information just came in that's a bit puzzling but troubling."

"Why?" she asked.

"Demons have been searching out some of my former agents who ended up being HYDRA and forcing them to align with the Council for a period of ten years. I'll have to ask the three possible team leaders I'd have down there about that to make sure the girls are backed up better. Be damned if I want to fall to an apocalypse that they're worried about ten years before it happens." She blinked, mouth hanging open. "The girls already had ten former agents that wanted that as their punishment for being HYDRA, a permanent duty assignment. That's really weird. Excuse me." He got up and left, taking Hill with him to Cleveland. He got let into the slayer house by one of the girls as soon as they pulled up. "Mr. Giles, has Harris had a vision recently? If not, do you know why you're suddenly the suggested rehab for HYDRA agents?"

"Two I'm afraid. There's two coming up. One next year and one in eight years. That one may well end most of humanity," he said quietly, putting down his glasses and the book he had been looking at. He pulled out the visions he had been faxed a few days earlier by Jake. "He was near Colonel Clay's team so they debriefed him over what he saw. I was going to call once you were done with all the shouting at Congress."

Fury took them to look over, eye going wide. "Damn."

"Yes, very. While we don't like their allegiance or methods, we're very grateful for the help."

Fury handed them to Hill. "Copy them for Rogers." She moved to do that. "We can hold a meeting."

"I'd enjoy that. I'd have to get Colonel Clay and Xander back from Africa. I'm told today Xander's beating up on a young man who wanted to own Sarji and tried to attack her."

"We have a year but we can get on this sooner," Fury agreed. "What agents have you been given?" Wade walked in a notebook to hand over then walked off. "What are *you* doing here?"

"I tried to get them to take me out for the liver cancer," he said dryly. "Druscila had other ideas for her dark kitten." He rolled his eyes. "I can't hurt the girls and I've been warned about eating Buffy. I'm running the HYDRA agents with Ward as my second-in-command."

"He wouldn't be the first vampire she's dated," Giles quipped. "It could do her some good to have time to flirt with someone. Even if he is rather soulless." He smiled a tiny bit. "Before he died, he had seen Xander a few times as well."

"I heard Harris liked them deadly," Fury said. He reread the copies, looking at Giles. "We can meet next week."

"That's fine. We haven't foreseen any problems then." He smiled. "I'll get Colonel Clay, Xander, and Mr. Hancock back to the states." Fury nodded, leaving with Hill. He sent those orders out and when they'd need them back. It would be good to see Xander again and Colonel Clay could put up with the girls squealing over Cougar and Jake.

***

Xander stopped beating the idiot man and looked at his phone. "Sarji, we've got meetings next week over the upcoming apocalypse. Keep your phone around in case we need to video conference."

"Sure, Xander. Is he gooey enough? It's looking disgusting."

Xander looked at the man. "Do you really think you could hunt beside a slayer the way I do?" The man moaned but almost managed to shake his head. "Good. Never attack a woman again. You respect women and you woo women, you don't take what you want from them." He walked over him and went to Sarji's to clean up his hands and split lip. She smiled and helped him.

***

Steve Rogers stood up as Maria Hill came off the elevator alone. "Problems, Agent Hill?"

"Vast ones. Gather everyone please?" He called that out. Everyone came strolling in, not quickly but faster than usual. James joined in too. Maria Hill nodded at him. "We were told earlier that half the HYDRA agents we had hiding and another group from the other agencies have been given to the Council by means of some form of demonic encouragement for the term of ten years."

"Another huge apocalypse," Tony said.

"Two." She handed over the papers. "We're meeting next week to talk about how to respond."

Steve read them and handed them on. He looked at her. "When next week?"

"We haven't finalized a date yet. A few have to come home."

"I can get Xander home," James said, handing the papers on.

"He and Colonel Clay can come back together," she said with a smile for him. "Their team is back helping the slayers." James nodded he knew that. "We have had former agents turned, some changed, and the others were tricked or talked into making deals for things." Everyone nodded. Natasha sighed in displeasure before handing on the papers. "At that time, we'll need to know how and which ones you can help us with since the first one is over multiple areas and looks like we'll have Thor handling part of it."

"We like the big, blonde guy," Stark said, reading over them. He handed them to Clint, who growled quietly. "That's a cluster of fucks in the making." She nodded. "The slayers?"

"Seem to enjoy having the knowledgeable help that can protect themselves. Though they do all see them like they do Xander, very normal."

"I think that's their word for male," Steve said. "I got some of that too when I was helping them last time."

"They're mostly young women," Natasha said. "They don't have discriminating taste yet." She looked at Hill. "Should we pass this intel onto other agencies?"

"Not yet. Xander hasn't been wrong yet but we'll cautiously expand who knows in case it gets back to the wrong people."

Everyone nodded. "Not like they won't see the demons acting," Stark said. "That many deals has to get notice. It said one was from the same guys that did the invasion in LA. Weren't they a law firm?"

"The top tier of the firm and a few outsiders," Hill corrected. She looked at them. "Other agents are making arrangements for sword lessons just in case it'll take that instead of artillery or higher weapons."

"I'm hoping we don't have to do what Xander did to stop that invasion in Africa," James said quietly. Hill frowned, looking at him. "You never got that report?"

"No. I haven't."

James got into his phone, pulling up the picturebook of the report. "That's what Xander sent in. He was in bad shock for a few days." She took the phone to look over, going pale by the end. "Sarji's there."

"I saw him fighting beside her to take out something higher," she admitted. "Abby Scuito sent it to me." She handed the phone back. "Is that a new hellmouth?" He nodded. "I'll make note of that. We have monitors on most of them so we can keep track of energy output." She cleared her throat. "I'll let you know when the meeting is so you can bring up your probable response plans. We'll try to learn more about who's doing it and what's coming if we can." She left, going to tell Fury that. He got a copy of the report from Giles. She had never seen him looking so defeated. "Apparently it was the only way."

"Apparently," he agreed quietly. "I'd like a real report about it. Who's on it?"

"Sarji."

"Great. Local military?" She nodded because she had looked that up. "They'll let us put an energy monitor on it so they have advanced warning of it acting up during the convergence thing. Send Banner if you can. The girls react to him positively and he can easily set up the monitors for us." She nodded, going to make that call. Bruce was somewhere in the world. Now he had a whole vine of clusters of fucks to deal with. Those grew like wildfire if you didn't trim them quickly enough.

***

Agent Hill caught Clint Barton coming out of the tower that night. "I have been told to get Mr. Harris to bring back a report on what he's been doing for the last six months. Apparently the ones they have been getting from other sources are not complete, have errors in them, and if they do not have errors they're going to put him into the nut house."

Clint nodded with a grin. "I'll pass that along. I doubt he'll follow it."

"A few of the members of Congress who requested it think he's turned into something like his almost-wife, some sort of spirit of vengeance."

Clint shook his head. "He's a bit feral because he's been alone so long. He's a nice guy when you don't have him backed into a corner and you're not trying to give him orders."

She shook her head. "I'm so glad he's not an agent." She walked off.

Clint shrugged. "Sure, maybe he can have a few dates while he's up for the meeting too," Clint quipped, continuing on his trek for dinner. Stark was trying different demon produced liquors tonight to test what they did to humans. Everyone else was staying away from him because the first one he had tried last night made him hallucinate after a single shot; he tried to kill them all with a bat because they were apparently carnivorous butterflies.

The others in the tower decided they didn't need that shit in their lives. Especially after Pepper got hold of him that morning.

***

"Damn it, I need stress relief," Jake complained.

Xander grinned at him. "I'd introduce you to my original mom but the Bacchanalia tends to get a bit sweaty and hot. You definitely don't want to be wearing dog tags because they'll use it to pull you down into the masses." Jake stared at him, mouth open. "What? My original mom's a priestess of Bacchus. I never had a single question about sex ed."

"Is that why you draw guys like Wade?"

"I don't know," he admitted with a grin. "He wasn't terrible in bed." The Losers all shook their heads and Pooch held up a hand to stop that talk. "Sorry, guys. Now Buffy's dating him." Pooch groaned. "It could be worse. It could be one of the more innocent slayers like keep trying to pounce Ward."

"They know better than to date someone HYDRA," Clay said.

"Sometimes you gotta date who likes you and if they're tough enough to live in this life that's all good. None of the slayers would support HYDRA and the girls were all told why and how to drag people out of there if they had to, or how to handle it if they ran into a group of them. One of the girls in Europe did." Everyone nodded. "The locals, so not amused when a stampede of agents showed up to handle them. Then military people who wanted to take down SHIELD showed up.... It was a grand old party."

"How many groups could be hiding down here?" Cougar asked.

"None. I found the one that got noted to me, I freed the hostages while the rest slept the sleep of the drugged, and then I blew that shit up with them in it." Everyone stared at him. "I'd do the same to the Initiative guys if I run into them doing it again too, people." They just nodded and looked up that program. "It's where Riley Finn came from." They found that name and the program. Jake unlocked it and Clay growled about it. Roque even looked disgusted. "Yeah, so not a go on letting them try again." He smirked. "Plus HYDRA was the people who had James."

Clay nodded. "I heard he's dealt with some of them for that." Xander grinned. "You make weird friends, kid."

"Awww, and yet you, my weird friend, are pretty normal. Or so you claim."

Clay stared at him. "Don't try." Xander grinned. "How are you doing your passport?"

"Across borders and whenever I suddenly show up, some agent or officer shows up to stamp it for me with a grumble about magic." He grinned. "It's never ending now. Willow charmed it a few years back.

"Can't she get into trouble for altering government documents?" Jake asked.

"The State Department hates us," Xander said. "And doesn't want to give any of the girls passports. The president had to overrule him when we wrote in letters of complaint. So she made them all never ending and unexpiring. The president and Congress knew. They asked about it at the last swearing at us event. They asked Giles for mine specifically and I mailed it to him. They were so not amused." He grinned. "They hate me more than most."

"That's because you do crazy things," Clay said.

"We're just happy there's not that many cameras here," Jake quipped with a grin for Xander. "That way you don't end up on youtube."

"There's already slayer groupies. We've had to pull them off the girls more than once. And Giles, who was amused and flattered but embarrassed. They never come after me. I'm like the redheaded stepchild of the Council and they treat me like Cinderella or like the slave they hide in a closet at times." The guys all smiled at him. "They do."

"I'm sure they do," Clay agreed. "Where are we staying for the meeting?"

"I'm going to splurge on my microscopic paycheck and get a real hotel room where they have deep tubs and can spoil me rotten so I don't have to deal with people. Preferably one with security on hand."

"That's one way to keep former lovers off you and Clay," Roque quipped.

"Not like I'm going to pick up someone during it," Clay shot back. "I probably won't have time."

"The meetings will be endless while they argue," Xander said. "Form, style, teams, weapons. Plus the general bitching that'll happen first, and probably in the center, then again when we break up for the day." Jake reached over to pat him on the arm. "This is going to suck. I could skip."

"You had the visions," Clay reminded him.

"I know. Which sucks bigger." He finished his coffee and went to nap in his tent. The guys could hang out and talk about him behind his back. Maybe he'd get some good sleep. Or maybe he'd get a desperate plea from Gaia and get transported back there to handle her emergency. There were some seriously stupid people that had been in the world. She sent him back once everything was handled, about daybreak. He shook his head at Clay's stare. "Gaia's village got attacked. They were stupid humans clogging up the drain of the human race." He unpacked his tent and put it into the jeep. "C'mon, Clay. Since you're up you can drive. I'll nap until we get to the airport."

"Sure, kid." He got up to finish his packing and bundled everything but his gear into the team's jeep, taking Xander's keys from him so he could drive them to the closest airport. Giles had tickets arranged for them once they told him where they were. And a complimentary hotel suite they could share in New York so they got some rest. "The report?" Clay asked once they were waiting.

"I'll do it on the plane." He shrugged. "I don't really care if they do want one. I don't answer to them." Clay smirked a tiny bit. "I don't." He settled in to wait, getting his seat in business class when they were allowed to board. Xander rested and the people around him hated his snoring. Oh well.

***
Part 3 by Voracity2
Xander and Clay walked into the meeting room. He dropped something in front of Giles on his way around his seat. "For the higher idiots who wanted reports they have no rights to want. You can tell them to bite me too."

"Not sleep well, Xander?" Giles asked.

Clay snorted, shaking his head. "Two reporters kept trying to get in. I pulled a gun on them and got them taken away by the NYPD. Then one snuck back into Xander's room so we got to wait on the ambulance to come pick her up because Xander's pretty damn good at throwing knives."

"Thanks for teaching me, James."

"Welcome, kid."

Xander looked down at him. "You're not that much older than my physically."

"Don't start." He smirked.

"You don't start and I won't have to finish it."

"Boys," Stark complained. "Down, puppies."

Xander barked but smirked at him. "I nicely ripped apart the piece of your gear that we found in someone's possession. I needed it to make a huge bomb so we burned the parts we didn't use."

"Thank you. What was it?" Xander tossed over his phone once he had pulled up the picture. "Few years old." He tossed it back. "Thanks, kid."

"Welcome, old fart." Stark grinned. "You're old enough to be my dad, unlike those two." He shrugged, looking at Buffy. "How are the girls?"

"When are you coming home?" Buffy asked.

"Never. Cleveland isn't my home. It will never be my home. I don't like cities." She stared at him. "I don't. I don't like tiny, no high-rise cities like Marakesh. I'm not going to live in Cleveland. Ever. Sorry but no."

"It's our home, Xander."

"It's *your* home, Buffy. Not mine. I don't like Cleveland." He saw James get up to take a phone call outside from the corner of his eye.

"So?" she demanded. "You need to come home before you turn evil or something."

He stared at her. "A week in Cleveland and I'd prove how evil I could be when I blow the fuck out of the problems that'd be giving me shit." She flinched, shaking her head. "Yeah, Xander does that when he has to. That's what those sort understand. Everyone knows that if you touch a slayer, someone shows up to beat them to death. Hancock does the same thing. So do Bert and Ernie or whatever their names are in South America. Our response to threats starts with 'hell no', goes to 'fuck you', and then some form of weapon."

"That's not the Council way," she said coolly.

He stared at her. "It's kept all the mini slayers and Sarji off the menu of many things and groups. Including those that got Amaya and raped her." She went pale and shuddered. "Africa's civilized in different ways, Buffy. Most of the world isn't like the US or England. Most of the world runs on a predator's hierarchy. The bigger, the badder, the better protected you are until someone challenges you. Weaker get absorbed or sold. Or killed. Most of the world sees women as toys or pawns, not really necessary or strong beings. We've had to protect even the youngest baby ones more than once."

She slumped, shaking her head. "It's still not the slayer way."

"It is in the bush because that means the slayers survive and don't die. Isn't that still the first rule?"

"That's gotta be a guy thing," she sneered, glaring at him.

He stared back. "Don't make me come across this table and smack you," he said quietly. "I had to spend part of yesterday night defending a village with an older seer and others. I'm not in the mood for this shit." She glared. He stood up and walked down the table. "I'm going to end her pissing contest by sitting down here before I feel the need to punch someone. May I?" he asked Steve.

"Sure, Xander. Which village?"

"Gaia's." He sat down. Giles spluttered and choked. Xander grinned. "She's a very ancient earth goddess sort."

"As in the Greek one?" he squeaked.

"No," Xander lied. "African goddess, Giles."

"Oh." He calmed himself down. "Is she the one that trained your shaman gifts?"

"No, those were shaman. She makes me eat and sometimes babysit and all sorts of stuff. The shaman I'm helping train is in her village."

"So she's an ancient demon queen?" Buffy demanded.

"No," Xander said. "She's an ancient African Goddess. Not all of them are demons or don't you remember the battle in DC when we had Demeter and Ares show up." She huffed and sat down again. "Go find one of the new guys and date, Buffy. Please? Before the apocalypse?"

"Xander," Giles warned.

"It'll help everyone. She gets tense before apocalypse battles. The girls get more tense because she is. Andrew starts to have magical accidents while putting up subconscious protections. It'd be for the good of everyone if you gave her a harem of stress relief buddies to handle it before the big things so everyone else could calm down too. Before her paranoia sets off mine."

"That's not nice, Xander Harris," Buffy sneered. "You probably have one."

"No. I haven't had sex in months. Not since my strange vacation I got forced on." He stared at her. "Then again I take time for the stress relief and you don't. Go. Jump. Wade. He's not bad at it." She shuddered. "Really, he's not. And he's your type too. Dangerous, a bit psychotic, but a purring one when you give him belly scratches. You two would fit really well. If not, this is Colonel Clay. He's just as deadly and dangerous as any of your past dates and he's human. No one would mind if you flirted with him. His whole team would like Clay to find a nice girl like you instead of the one that put a bomb on his car after a one-night-stand because she thought she owned him."

She was bright red. "You need to paddle him until he has manners again before he says that stuff in front of Willow," she told Steve. He cuffed Xander on the back of the head. "Not nearly enough and you still have to come home."

"Cleveland's not home. I have no home," he said, staring at her. "I haven't in years. I don't like cities and half of the people that I'd have to protect I'd rather sneer at because of all the bitching they'd do about being saved. Which is an American thing." She slumped. "I'll stay where I'm appreciated and liked. Thanks."

"Whatever." She huffed and waved a hand. "Why are you even here then?"

"I have no idea beyond the fact I had the vision," he said dryly.

"To blatantly interrupt both sides of nagging," Stark said. "Can we stop this convergence?"

"No. It's a timed event. Every so many centuries it happens. The problem we'll have is that Jane Foster's involved. So we'll see Thor but also Thor's enemies who are going to take out parts of Asgard. Including the palace from what I saw the last time. Did I email you that?" he asked Steve, who nodded, pulling it up for everyone else. "Had it on the plane. Freaked some people out. They thought I was having a seizure or a vision from God and one decided it was his cue to have a holy moment of his own and try to shout about the unholy people on the plane dying. Colonel Clay nicely shut him up so I could go back to sleep."

Giles looked at it. "I've seen that mentioned in a few past journals." He called the Library. "It's me, Willow. Look up the Nine Realms Convergence back about a millennia ago." He listened while she did, putting it on speaker so she could read it to them in really bad German. Stark's phone had a translator so he used it. That helped. "Thank you, dear." He hung up before Buffy could take his phone to talk to her. "Anything of note, Xander? Anything not mentioned?"

"Thor's hammer got very confused. He threw it and it went to another realm and back and into space and back looking for him. It was a very confused mythical weapon and some of our main problems would love to get it during that."

"We can cast protections on that and Thor," Giles assured him. "That way no one can steal it."

"I saw Loki but he's helping," Xander said, leaning on the table, staring at Stark. Then at Steve. "For some reason I saw you for a moment but not at the fight, not sure why. I think it might've been a shape shifter though. He didn't walk right."

"Okay," he agreed. "That's good to know. Where were the rest of us?" Xander shrugged. "No idea?"

"I only saw Jane Foster and Thor, and Jane's assistant, the handmaiden."

"Handmaiden?" Stark asked.

"She looks like a handmaiden of the Earth Mother where we came from. I don't think she was reborn from there like we were but she looks a lot like her."

"Must be Lewis," Stark said, considering it. "Brunette, stacked?" Xander nodded. "Lewis. She's Jane's lab assistant."

"I saw some balding guy running around naked at Stonehenge. When he's caught it'll be a few days before it."

"Could be Selvig," Steve said, considering it. "Stark, do you have his picture?"

"I can look it up." He did a quick search and Xander nodded and pointed. "Okay, that'll give us some warning."

"The problem is that the convergence opens in one area but others are going to use it as a holy sign for a war," Clay said. "Which is probably where you guys are going to be." Xander winced and held his head, leaning it on the table. "Xander?" he called loudly, getting waved at. "Someone get him some ice water. It'll help with the heaving he'll want to do." Xander let out a bitter snort. "What is it, kid?"

Xander blinked at him. "HYDRA's not dead. They don't have their favorite warrior toy but they have others," he said, staring at Steve. Then at Fury. "Want carnations or orchids at your funeral?"

"Send flowers to nursing homes, kid. Bury me nice and neatly and let me lay." Fury stared at him. "Who?"

"I can't tell. It's not anyone I've met. They're in a vehicle. Or part of a vehicle. It's like a demented Iron Man suit but it's a black suit, kinda looks like someone tipped an early model pickup truck on it's hood as an autobot. They're going to have them on their side when they try to do the helicarrier assassination plan." He shrugged and rubbed his head. "It's not the guys we caught. It's the guys who have Loki's scepter. I saw someone fondling it. It's..." He winced. "Not the same research team. Different research, different goals. Trying to crossbreed mutations. Been going since Steve was a toddler." He took the water Clay handed him, gulping it, then got up to go throw up in a trash can. "Ow." He looked at them. "He wants to make a mutant army to be his warriors. Genetics and breeding."

"Anything positive you saw?" Steve asked quietly. "Anything to identify where?"

"I saw Sanaya." Buffy straightened up, nodding at that. "We can search slayers. They may have it covered, they know something about magic thanks to the glowy staff." He sat down. "Sorry, I hate visions."

"I'd hate visions too," Steve said, patting him on the back. "We'll get you under hypnosis later to get as many details as we can."

"Just don't send me to Tahiti." He glared at Fury. "I think they've got similar goals."

"I'll warn that team," he promised. He got up to make that call.

Steve was listening and frowned. "He's talking to Coulson." Stark got up and stomped out there to deal with that. He looked at Xander. "Balding, middle aged male agent, suit and tie."

"I've met Coulson once," he admitted. "And yeah, it was him. Some special serum thingy and he's got a few people with him who probably won't help during this one but if SHIELD fully falls during this, things are going to hell everywhere and HYDRA can take over."

Steve nodded. "I'll be damned. The ones inside the Council?"

"I'll make sure of them," Clay told him. "I have that same sense of I'll be damned about HYDRA, Captain."

"Thank you, Colonel." He smiled. "It's good that so many present officers live up to what my generation's army did." Clay smirked at him for that permission to go rogue to solve things. Fury stomped back in. "He lived?"

"We barely saved him. We weren't sure and it took us three weeks to make sure he lived." Fury stared at him. "He's only recently regained full agent status and by then I couldn't really blurt it out. I've had him as my ace in the hole in case HYDRA does make us fall. Phil's my heir and the missing Avenger."

Steve nodded. "I can agree with the last but that nearly destroyed some of your people, Director. I can't agree with that level of subterfuge."

"He was going to have Ward on his team," Xander said. "I got an over-image of him talking to someone on the plane." He looked at Fury. "If you fall, remember you have things hidden. Like special weapons and special prisoners? Please? Before it becomes our duty to fix?" Fury winced but called in orders. "Thank you. Not that we wouldn't gladly take in the weapons to use during this and other apocalypse battles, but people might get really freaked out if we show up with laser cannons. Or the thing that screwed with gravity?" Fury winced, calling Coulson again to warn about that. They had to move things. Today.

"Fuck," Clay summed up. "Okay, back to the real problem. Let SHIELD handle their own idiots while we work on this one. Then you guys can go handle their idiots with them." Stark nodded, sitting back down. "Where were we, Xander?"

"I saw your team and James dealing with the one in Ghana I think. I think it's in Ghana. Could be down by Jamira's bar."

Clay nodded, making that note. "Far apart but we can listen to rumors." He looked at him. "You need a rest?"

"Sometime this week would be pleasant," he said. "Other than that I just need a hammer to beat back in counterpoint to the drum circle in my head." Buffy dug into her purse and tossed down a small white bottle. "That'll help. Thanks." He took a few and tossed the bottle of midol back. "It'll probably even take care of the swelling in my ankles because of sitting upright again. I'm not used to chairs most of the time anymore." A glass appeared in front of him. He sighed and drank it without question. "Yes, ma'am." It disappeared and he felt someone pat him on the head. "Gaia," he explained. "She's like a mom." Clay grinned. "I ate yesterday."

"You didn't eat more than a sandwich a day for the last week or so," Clay countered. "I will tie you down so Jensen's sister can forcefeed you with Jolene."

"Yes, dear." Clay snorted but looked pleased. "Not that I can't escape."

"Uh-huh." He stared at him. Xander grinned back.

Steve knocked him out. "It must be him going funny from the hunger. He did that during the vacation she made him take."

"We ended up nagging him around the communal area for about two hours before one of his ex's stepped in to make him disappear," Stark said. Steve nodded to back that up. The window blew in and Steve hopped up with Clay right behind him to defend them. Fury and Stark were behind them and Stark moved to cover Xander. The guy was shooting sedative darts but Clay got him down while Steve fought him. Stark looked at him. "Anyone want to claim this one?" Stark asked the room at large.

Steve looked. "He was one of the agents found in the sweep."

"He's not one of the ones we've seen," Buffy said.

Steve's phone beeped. He looked at it. "He annoyed Rumlow so he disposed of him this way. He's a gift." He looked at Fury, who was calling to have him picked up. Steve sent back a 'thank you' and a 'next time don't do it around paranoid people like the ones at the Council, who he was meeting with'. He got back a 'is Xander there' and sent back a cautious 'yes, why'. A minute later, two guys tried to get in through the door to grab Xander. Stark beaned one with his chair. Buffy got the other one down and stomped on him until he begged for mercy.

Buffy smiled at hers. "Xander is ours. You can't have him."

"We want to take him somewhere to take care of him. Really, Miss Summers, we don't want to hurt Xander. Well, the boss might want to castrate him to make sure he's only his but we'd never really hurt Xander."

Clay looked over the table at him. "Xander's destroyed pieces of shit bigger than you before breakfast. You're not worthy of him." The guy pouted. "Your boss, we're gonna have a talk. Jensen adopted the kid." The guy went limp and tried to bite something. "Sure, suicide tooth yourself. I'm pretty sure there's some demons who'll turn you and make you loyal to the Council." The guy quit, eyes wide, staring at Buffy, who was cleaning her nails with a stake. "You sure that's your final answer?"

"Can I go to jail now?"

"Sure," Buffy agreed with a smile. "As soon as Mr. Fury's people get here you can beg for the nice cellmate even. With the way Xander likes buttsex you might too." James walked in and snatched the guy off the floor, dragging him off and ignoring he had knocked Buffy off her feet. "Who is that?" she demanded.

"James," Steve said. "Friend of Xander's. James, we've got him sedated," he called.

"I saw. I'm going to talk to Wilifred and his twin. They're idiots and annoying me by gathering weapons."

"Wow," Buffy said. "That's a manly guy. Maybe he'll teach Xander how to be more manly." She looked at Clay. "Have you tried?"

"He's tougher than me. I'd never go against a whole group of pirates by myself." He sat down. She grimaced. "Especially not a second or third time."

"Don't tell me that," Steve said with a sigh at the end. "James wanted me to teach him how to assault a base better." Fury and Giles both stared at him. He shrugged. "I didn't hear why. That was long before the vacation or that one battle where the new hellmouth was created."

Fury just nodded. "He's nuts." He looked at Giles.

"He's unique but he handles a vast number of situations. Without him the girls in Africa would've died and we never would've met Colonel Clay's team or Mr. Hancock that went to Asia."

"He's really good as the slayer mascot," Buffy agreed. "Even for being normal."

Stark looked at her. "Normal guys have visions? I have to be on the lookout for that." She blushed and ducked her head. He looked at Steve. "Now what?"

"We need to debrief Xander about the vision." Fury nodded. "So we can plan that. We need to make out ways of protecting peaceful areas in London during the convergence and whatever else is going to happen." Fury nodded again.

"We can get you a list of the most likely to be bothered and which slayers we'll put on them," Buffy said. Steve smiled and nodded. "I hate apocalypses. They need to quit happening."

"It would definitely be more cheerful in the girls' lives," Giles agreed with a smile for his slayer.

Stark almost said something but Steve shot him a look so he didn't. Once they had gathered what they needed to and Clay had taken Xander off to rest, plus Buffy had gone, Steve looked at Stark. "He's right. She needs to stay positive for the good of the other slayers," he said quietly. "The same as I do."

"I get that but it's an act."

Steve nodded. "So is my positive, cheery nature sometimes, Tony."

"Point." He stood up. "Are we going to be wrestling with Bucky's old friend later?"

"I'm hoping he gets to sleep. He looked like he could use a few good hours." He stood up and they left, running into Fury outside. "Problems already?"

"Not yet. Not sure it's safe to have Clay and Xander in a hotel suite without guards."

"Then put some on them," Stark said with a shrug. He walked around the fuming federal director and to his limo. Steve followed.

***

Two days later, Xander appeared in a flash of light, only wearing hospital pants and socks, and was tearing at his wrist bracelet with his teeth. "What are you doing?" Tony demanded quietly. It was the middle of the night, he was the only one up.

Xander frowned and looked around. "Sorry. It was supposed to get me somewhere safe." He looked at him. "They wouldn't let me call anyone."

"Who, kid, and what happened? All we heard is you got taken hostage."

"And I got arrested for being taken hostage. I woke up in the prison ward at the hospital with an agent telling me I wasn't allowed to call anyone, even a lawyer, and I was under arrest for being with a known weapons dealer. When I pointed out I had no idea I was there, as I was apparently unconscious, they said that didn't matter."

"Bullshit," Stark said. "Why didn't you call Bucky?"

"He wouldn't let me call anyone, Stark. Not even Giles. I need to get home. Got scissors?"

"Yeah." He rolled over to pull out his pocket knife and cut off the band. "That is a prison band." He tossed it onto the table. "Go upstairs to Steve's suite and take their couch," he said quietly. "We can hide you."

"They were agents. I'm not going to bring that on someone's head. Just...call Giles for me?"

"Go upstairs. We can deal with agents. Fury owes your ass by now."

"He hates me just as much and it might've been his plan."

"Upstairs, go rest. We'd never let them take you in for being a victim." Xander winced at that word. "Just...." Steve walked in. "They arrested him for being kidnaped."

"I heard. JARVIS told me. C'mon, Xander. You can have the couch and we'll deal with it tomorrow."

"I should go hide."

"Yeah but it's better if you beat this one to death in person," he said. He walked Xander up there. They clearly had him partially drugged. He was worried looking and a bit paranoid but complacent. He got him onto the couch and let him cuddle in to sleep. Steve started to call around to see what was going on. Stark sent him a text message so he sneered at it. "Yeah, that's not gonna work." He sent one back. Then he walked into the bathroom calling someone so he wouldn't disturb the kid's rest.

***

At eight am the next morning, black SUV's and sedans pulled up outside the federal building in New York City. Agents in dark suits and sunglasses got out, following the man in the black leather trenchcoat inside the building. Fury glared at the receptionist. "Hold her. She's not a problem but I don't want her to cause one." Agents carefully grabbed her from her desk and pulled her away from it to stand against a wall. They weren't threatening but they were firm and she was not getting to any sort of emergency switch or anything else.

They went up on the elevator and got off on the right floor. "Fan out, find them." He strolled into the head office, sneering at the agent in charge. "I'm Director Fury of SHIELD." The man flinched, sliding his chair back. "You're under arrest with five of your agents for arresting a kidnaping victim for daring to be unconscious. One that's a vital part of world security." He stared at him. "How fucking stupid are you?" The agents in question were brought over. One was missing. "Find the other one."

"He's late, sir, and not noted as taking today off in their system," Hill said, walking up to him. "The President." She handed over a phone on speaker.

"Yes, sir?" he asked.

"Fury, what the heck are you doing?" he demanded.

"I'm executing an arrest warrant for agents that *have* to be dirty with how badly they screwed up in the last week, sir. Including arresting an unconscious kidnaping victim and denying him his basic rights. Also drugging him into a paranoid state that meant Captain Fucking America had to grab his shield to protect himself when the kid started to hallucinate on whatever they gave him."

"One of yours?" the President asked.

"Xander Harris."

"Excuse me?" the President demanded. "The guy with the Council?"

"Yup," Fury said dryly. "His tox panel reads like an interrogation textbook. He was fully unconscious, woke up in the hospital's prison ward in cuffs, and it went downhill from there. I'm not up for letting any agent make my job harder."

"We hate the Council," the President said. "But not that much."

"You'll hate it even more since even demons are beefing up the Council with former HYDRA related agents so they have protectors."

"Damn. We sure why?"

Fury almost smiled at the agents that flinched because the president said a bad word. "Two apocalypse battles in the next ten years. They were all sorted there for a term of ten years."

"Great," the President said and took a drink. "The kid down?"

"Now. Banner had to nearly change to capture him. I can see why he gave so many problems in Africa fits. Hell, if I could turn that guy into my agent I'd be really pleased."

"I wouldn't," the President said. "Did you see the reports he submitted?"

"As he pointed out, anywhere but the US and Europe, it's survival of the fittest and strongest, and girls are pawns," Fury shot back. "I've seen most of what he's done thanks to our sources."

"You saw that he created a hellmouth?"

"We heard shortly after that," Hill said. "Sir, he had to. It was the only way to stop that invasion. Even Hell Missiles couldn't kill those demons pouring out. It was the only way to stop it."

"Frick," the President muttered. "He's dangerous."

"So am I if you make me," Fury reminded him. "Harris is a lot like me junior at times."

"I can see that." The President didn't sound pleased. "This is going to get into the press."

"Too late. One of the slayers is a minor hacker and got into their files on the Council and who the FBI wanted out of their way so they could do the duty themselves."

"Girls shouldn't be warriors," the senior agent declared. "Women don't belong in combat." He sneered at Hill, who punched him. He fell down unconscious.

"Really?" she asked. "That's interesting. I'll have to tell the people who send us on assignment that so I get the easy things instead of terrorist cells."

"Easy, Hill. I know you're just as badass as any slayer," Fury said with a smirk for his second-in-command. "Then again, slayers have had this duty since before we knew how to use tools so I don't think it's a bad idea to back them up."

"No, I like that idea. Calm down Harris, Fury. He's created problems."

"He's solved more than he created and that kept villages and his slayers safe," Fury said. "Most of the ones in Africa are under the cut-off age, sir. Including one that's about three."

"Crap."

"Beyond that, he's not the sort to let it happen in front of him without jumping in."

"I get that. Can you get him a mentor to report to? Would Rogers do that?"

"He and Barnes get on tolerably well. They worked together while Barnes was healing. He'll tell him things if Barnes asks."

"Have Barnes report to Rogers and keep him in better check. He took out part of a military."

Fury looked at Hill. "Which one was that?"

"The one that was stealing villagers and food for a local militia to pay their ransom instead of dealing with them. They took two slayers and Xander went to rescue them. We all believed it was a good idea, even if he did run out of bullets twice and Barnes swore up and down he'd teach him how to properly assault a base."

Fury nodded. "Sounds like something I'd do," he agreed.

"I don't like agents in the US living up to your old style," the President said.

"There's a place for girly agents, sir. The FBI seems to adore them," Fury shot back. "Mine are mostly polite and still manage to kick the amount of ass they need to so the world keeps going. That's one reason why we back up slayers and the FBI doesn't."

"I suppose that's a point. What military team did we lend the Council?"

"One that's honorably discharged thanks to all that Max stuff a few years back," Fury said. "They hired on there and are doing good making Harris do less work. Though they'd never do some of the things he did. They have more options than Harris, who has the option of explosives, guns, or swords."

They could hear the President shuddering. "Fine. Whatever. Just get him a leash holder, a proper education in how to do things, and warn him to be more subtle."

"You didn't hear about any of this until members of Congress wanted him to do reports for them," Hill said. "Which they had no right to expect or want, sir. The Council is a private entity. Congress has nothing to do with them beyond complaining."

"Whatever," the President said. "Those reports are horrifying."

"His daily ones are a bit more bleak considering it looks like that old tv show about the traveling monk," Hill said dryly. She looked at Fury, who was smirking at the comparison. "He's trained many in the ways of hunting demons and helping slayers. Including the local militaries that seem to appreciate him, sir."

"Whatever," the President said then hung up.

Fury handed the phone back, getting a grin. "I wonder if he'd get that reference."

"Stark made it first but it seems to fit. Even Rogers said it fit when Stark showed him an episode of that show." She walked off. "Has the other agent been found?" They shook their heads. "Why not?"

"He's stuck in traffic, ma'am," one reported. "We have agents waiting for him. Should we pick up their senior agent?"

"Yes. He's got a glass jaw," she said with a grimace of distaste. "We'd never take an agent with that sort of weakness." She walked off. "Clean up, release their offices to them, make sure you have all the files on the Council. We think they've been tracking a few of the girls to interfere with their duties." The agents doing that nodded and one held up a disc. She took it and the USB keydrive the other had. "Thank you. Let's go." They left once they had everything cleaned up and she followed. Fury followed all them. So what if the press caught them, probably called by Stark. Idiots had to be handled before the world fell victim to them.

***

Xander blinked awake, feeling like deja vu. He stared around, spotting Dr. Banner. "Am I back under arrest?"

"No, the agents that did it are," he said, not looking over. "You're only cuffed because you're coming down from the interrogation drugs they gave you, which made you almost chew your wrist to get free and a bit more paranoid than usual." He turned the page on what he was reading. "Go back to sleep. You probably have a few more hours of sweating it out."

"I'm better. I heal faster thanks to the mermaid taint."

Bruce looked over. "You're lucky you survived that. Most people would've died."

"The others just turned black and slimy like the original one." Bruce sighed and shook his head. "I'm guessing it's like werewolf DNA, it'll overwrite the other stuff."

"Maybe." He came over. "I have to draw blood." Xander blinked but nodded. "The cuffs bothering you?"

"Little bit. I hate being tied down."

"You're tied down for your own safety, kid." He showed him the bandage on his arm. "You chewed into your arm to bleed." Xander winced. "We noticed it had faster healing too." He drew blood and took it to run. "Want some water?"

"No thank you." Bruce stared at him. "I can get some later."

"You need to stay hydrated." He got him some ice water from the fridge and let him sip it through a straw. The test results came back and he took it to look over. "It's mostly out of your system but we're not sure if you're going to have another paranoid episode." Xander nodded. "So for now, drift back off."

"I'm good. Can I shower?"

"Later. Sleep. Before someone comes in and does a nerve hit on you." Xander grimaced but shifted and one of the straps opened on their own so he could get comfortable. His injured arm was still cuffed down. Bruce stared at the spot. "JARVIS?"

"It was clearly magical in nature but not a spectral form I recognize. So not Miss Rosenburg."

Xander snorted. "She'd probably agree with them because she still thinks I'm normal."

"Bullshit," Bruce said dryly. "You're no more normal than I am, Harris." Xander smiled at him. "Try to rest." Xander nodded, drifting off into a not quite sleep state. Bruce went back to reading and watching over the kid. Harris had a lot of weird anomalies in his blood, and he really needed to eat. He was bordering on malnourishment. Bruce looked up as Steve Rogers walked in carrying a tray. "He woke up for a bit," he said quietly. "He's about three-quarters down."

"Thanks. Can he eat?"

"Yes, or we need to drop a feeding tube. His body's a bit out of whack."

"He can eat." He pulled a chair over. Xander blinked at him and took the tray with a smile of thanks. "You're going to get nagged about not eating."

"As long as they don't nag me for being kidnaped like others will."

"We don't allow that around here." Xander relaxed and finished inhaling his food and carton of milk. Steve smiled. "I'll bring you more later."

"Thank you, Steve."

"Welcome. James should be back tonight."

"I should go then."

"Nope," Banner said. "Not moving and we won't let him nag you about anything other than food intake rates." Xander looked at him. "This is a no nagging zone, Xander. Not like you did something stupid like jumping off a building." He went back to what he was reading.

"The only thing that anyone wants right now is Fury wants a full disclosure report on what you've been doing since you went to Africa," Steve said. "He said that you've been hiding stuff from Mr. Giles so you don't have to listen to the girls complain."

Xander nodded. "Yup. Because I hate being nagged. Especially about being *normal*." Steve shook his head. "Sorry you had to see the new round the other day. Or however long ago that meeting was."

"Four days." He patted him on the wrist. "Rest. We'll go over things later."

"My patrol journals are sent to a bank deposit box in Cairo when I'm done with them. Not probably all that big and I didn't really write out everything."

"I'll only let me and James go over them and make the report for him." Xander nodded. "Which bank?" Xander pointed at something on his underarm. It was an address written in a dye. He took it down and went to look that bank up. That address went to a slayer safe house and that one had the bank noted in the forms. That worked and they got the bank box to the tower easily enough by a bank-to-bank transfer. Bruce took scans of the rest of Xander's artwork, both dye marks and tattoos that were probably some sort of mystical protection. They could look those up because at the very least Stark wanted something to protect him against magic and the others thought it might be a pretty good idea too.

***

James tossed down a book, staring at Steve. They had the journals for three hours. "He doesn't write real reports."

"They're journals, Bucky," he said quietly. "He writes some of what he managed to do. If we put it against the known reports and what he's reported it's a pretty full picture, and we are getting to know more about Xander."

"He's depressed."

"He had just lost his town, his former best girl, and everything else in his life. Wouldn't you be depressed?" Stark asked as he breezed in.

"I told him only we'd look at them, Stark."

"That's fine." He waved the hand with the coffee cup and put the tablet down on the table. "Correlating all the marks, we've been able to figure a few things out. I shamelessly let Natasha go ask him about some. A few are ritual, some aren't. Some are more spiritual or habit he's had since he was younger. He said he did his first few in hair dye on his arm when he was sixteen." He pointed at the pictured list. "Almost every protection against witches but two that JARVIS found."

"He said those two bring out the hyena for some reason," James said, reading them over. "Two are protection against women? That may explains some of his past dates."

"I think it's supposed to be against evil women," Steve said, taking the tablet to look over. "Or not."

"If he's against evil women, isn't that half of his dating pool?" Stark quipped.

"Better someone who knows that the nightmares come instead of some innocent groupie getting hurt when he has one," James said. Steve stared at him. "It's true."

"It probably is. Though I can't see Xander picking up dames in a bar." He went back to the list. "Two other addresses?"

"Slayer safe houses," Stark said.

James looked and nodded. "One's been compromised by a demonic gang. He blew most of them up but they got the house. The other I've never seen. Interesting he no longer has the farm."

"That may not be considered a safe house since people know," Steve said.

"Point." He leaned back in his chair. "I know one of the slayers near there had to protect herself from religious cops. One of the other girls was sneaking in to visit her after the city's imposed curfew. One of them followed her to accuse her of adultery or something. The senior girl threw an awesome fit at him about it and brought others, who she yelled at for hindering their duty and of course they had to sneak around because men such as them were weak, especially weaker than a slayer.

"A demon showed up to try to calm her down but she glared and he tried to smite the officers for her so she kicked his ass. That brought the senior clerics and they all had fits about slayers being female until the demon got Xander there and he straightened them out by promising if they didn't leave the slayers alone their whole city was going to be invaded by a horde of demons who would eat the unholy.

"Then he told the cleric just why he was violating his chosen faith, chapter and verse. By then the mayor or whatever he was called was there and agreed to leave the slayers alone as long as they continued to protect them. Xander made *damn* sure they weren't going to bother the girls and if they tried, Xander would make the cleric go on hunts. He sneered so Xander kindly took him to take out the vampires growing up the road a bit. They were having something like Woodstock?"

"The first major music festival," Tony said. "Happened in upstate New York in the late sixties. It doesn't surprise me that vampires gather for a free love and music festival." He shook his head quickly. "Did the guy get turned?"

"No but he has a suddenly new respect for slayers and he'll defend them to the death. He let her teach them what a slayer can and should do. And how. So now the religious police there know how to stake vampires and behead things that are dangerous."

"So she's backed up and won't be put into trouble for being a woman who fights," Steve said with a grin.

"Yup. The regional government knew about Xander and the girls, were keeping track of them. They added someone locally to help her hunt officially, like the Chinese do with the slayer over there."

"How many got lost to that sort of mindset?" Tony asked.

"Three originally and then the two where Rosenburg never showed up to evacuate them. Mr. Giles is keeping them apart for a good reason. If only because she turned him into a girl during an invasion of the village he was in and he had to get someone to change him into a bear so he could fight them. That would be before his vacation but not long before."

"That's when I was down there helping them. I guess suddenly turning into a girl would throw off your aim. Would being a bear be better though?" Steve asked.

"Claws. And. Teeth," Bucky said simply.

"That'd work for me too and I'm pretty sure none of the guys down there have seen bears. I don't think they're native to Africa." Tony walked off with the tablet, shaking his head. He wanted to know what marks to paint into his suits to protect him from magic. He makes it back to the lab and a guy appears, staring at him. "Who're you?" he demanded, reaching for a weapon.

The guy grinned. "Ares. Where Janus and Xander were originally born."

"Janus?"

"His original name," he said dryly. James stalks in, glaring at him. "You'll do the me here proud and stop some of the stupid. Including your chaos giver."

"I try now and then but I really have got to train him better."

"Good!" He grinned, holding up something. "You'll need that and give it to the other two. You have thirty days to get it down their throats one way or another."

"Will it hurt Xander since he's coming down from people giving him stuff?" Stark asked. "And what is it? Does it need special containment or refrigeration?"

Ares stared at him for a minute. "The ones of us on this realm are all ascended and not in physical control. We need a physical figurehead."

"The pretty guy on the posters," James said dryly.

"Exactly," Ares said with a smug look for him. "You boys were born to it anyway with your birthright gifts."

"Gifts?" Stark asked.

"DiNozzo and Xander were born immortal demigods. It didn't come with them," James said dryly. "Tony's actually his grandson. Cupid did his mom at an orgy. Xander's dad is a chaos godling and did his mom at a Bacchanalia because she's a priestess of Bacchus." He smirked. "It explains so much, doesn't it?"

"Yes it does." He looked at the little bottle then at Ares. "Refrigeration needed?"

"No. We're good there." He looked at James. "Get the other asshole too if you can. He might argue. And why is Jenris taking on Hermes' pedestal?"

"Because he's a geek that likes communication methods."

"That makes so much sense," he sighed, rubbing his forehead. He looked at Stark. "A word of warning. What works on a medium or one with hellmouth taint will not work the same on normal people. Xander's marks are tailored to his specific needs. You need more generic ones." He looked at James then at Clint when he came in. "Drink that."

"Why? And is it going to disgust me by putting me in the House of Love?"

"Yup." He grinned. "Better you than a few others. None of the girls could pretend to be Aphrodite but you can handle all the stress, and you do make girls hot."

Clint stared at him. "Can't I fit somewhere else?"

"Sure, if you want to be Apollo, but you don't know medicine."

"Or muses," he shot back. "Fuck." He took the bottle to drink, wincing. "That sucks ass." James took his own dose and winced, making himself swallow. "That's worse than native potions."

Gaia appeared, smiling and kissing Ares on the cheek. "That's my good boy. Thank you, dear."

"Welcome, Gaia. Demeter forgot."

She smiled. "She's still searching for that which will fill her void."

"We all think she should get some dick," James said, cracking Ares up.

Gaia looked at him and nodded. "Preferably attached to someone instead of the kind you buy in the store these days." James cracked and smiled. She patted him on the cheek. "You're a good boy too but don't let Xander have that until he's *healthy*. Which may need another few feedings. You have got to work with him, James. He's not learning the higher lessons, he's acting like a human hunter instead of a warrior."

"I'm going to go over how to do all that stuff he does once he's better. Including how to lead a base assault and other things."

"Thank you, Hestia," Ares said dryly. He looked up. "Thanks!"

Gaia looked up then at James. "She suggested you help him set up a home base. He doesn't have anywhere he considers his. The farm and other places are the slayers'."

"I...would one here be good?"

"He's still shying from big buildings," Ares said. "Somehow he did things in the right way but in the wrong order so he's immersed himself in it." Gaia nodded. "If we still had holy knight's the kid would be one but they'd hate him for having his better honor code."

"I've seen that," Stark said. They all stared at him. "Like Clay said earlier, not even his team would take out a full base of pirates who had taken a slayer hostage. Especially not the second or third time."

"They probably would've snuck in, taken out the head guy who ordered it and rescued the hostages," James said. "I would've." Steve walked in. "Ares, I'm sure you know Steve."

Ares looked at him then at James. He shrugged. "He's been made good, the same as you were made better."

James smirked a tiny bit. "He's a great field commander."

"That's always an excellent thing." He looked at Steve. "Xander needs tutored."

"We've noticed. I was going to help with it." Ares smirked at him for that. "You're the one from where he was born?"

"I am." He glanced at Gaia, who smiled but she was invisible to him until James brought Steve to meet her. He looked at Steve again. "It's a matter of stopping the stupid before some people explode from fighting it." He pointed upstairs. "Even the bad ones want to help sometimes."

"We saw some of that during the war," Steve said quietly. Ares smiled and nodded. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Some day maybe we'll take selections from outside the bloodlines." He looked at James again. "Where's the Scion of War?"

"Xander said the middle ages." Gaia laughed but nodded. "He got put with a few hunters there. Who were bloodlined too he thinks."

"Ah, them. That makes so much sense."

"Their bloodline still exists somewhere. He thinks Pooch may have a touch of it."

"That's even better." He considered it. He looked at Steve. "What?"

"Sorry, random thought. Stark found a tv show that's almost exactly like Xander. I was idly thinking about asking him if he'd change his name to Caine."

"Not the one in Florida," Stark quipped. "The one on the show with the traveling priest."

Gaia nodded, wincing some. "He so is." She disappeared.

Steve looked at the spot that suddenly felt empty to him. "Was someone else here?"

"Gaia," James said. "She said she'd meet you formally when I bring you over to introduce you properly." Steve smiled. "Probably with one of her handmaidens she's lost touch with."

"Lewis again?" Stark guessed.

"Could be. She does look like a handmaiden of Gaia. She's not willowy and mentally whisper thin like the Moon Goddess' handmaidens, or fiery tempered warrior bitches like the Sun Goddess' handmaidens. She might be one of the Celestial maidens but they tend to be a bit more stout and less earthy. And I seriously doubt she's one of Death's handmaidens since she's not a slayer."

Ares shook his head. "He's so pleased with most of them. Outside a few." He disappeared.

"Did each goddess have handmaidens?" Steve asked.

"Most had priestesses. Handmaidens are special ones that reflect on their chosen goddess and most of them went to elemental ones instead of goddesses like Aphrodite or Athena. Who, from the stories, biggest bitch ever." He walked off. "Gotta call Jake and DiNozzo to drink some of this."

"Sure," Clint sighed. "Why couldn't I get the cool jobs?"

Steve smiled. "It's not as bad as it could be. It means you get to go out looking as sexy as you want all the time. He said it's just being the pretty face on the poster and statues."

Clint grinned. "I am a sexy bitch," he agreed. "I found someone online the other day that called me a life ruiner because my arms gave her dirty dreams and nearly ruined her for the touch of normal guys with normal muscles." He strolled off.

Stark shook his head quickly. "Okay then." A touch to his head made him forget stuff. He blinked and found Steve standing there looking confused. "What just happened? JARVIS?"

"An energy signature touched your hair, sir, but otherwise I do not know."

"Huh," Steve said. "That's really weird." He walked off, hoping it wasn't demonic. He hadn't felt it touching his own hair. He found Bucky drawing up a list of things to tutor Xander in, looking over his shoulder. "Put higher weapons maintenance lessons. He's good with what he knows but I noticed he only cleans his guns monthly and his knives have some dust on them." Bucky added that. "What about helping him find a new girlfriend or something?"

"I think if we do more than introduce them Xander will feel forced and we'll never get them together." He looked up at Steve. "Like forcing him to go on vacation. He'll take suggestions but not orders unless he's in the middle of a battle."

"Like Dum Dum did?"

"If Howard and Dum Dum had a kid that was raised by drunks, it'd be Xander."

Steve nodded. "That's cool. We can help. He'll let us help?"

"He's willing to learn. We just can't *order* things." Steve nodded. "I'll start with the training stuff tomorrow. I wanted to spar against him with swords anyway."

"Sure. I need to learn how to use one just in case." Bucky grinned and got back to the list. It was based off what he had done before and how he had managed some things. They'd handle it and Clay would handle the slayers until they let him go back in a few weeks.

***

Tony DiNozzo got the email and groaned. "Already?" he complained quietly. He made arrangements to meet up with Bucky somewhere quiet for an afternoon and then erased everything. Of course, someone was spying. They always were. He found that out when two MP's showed up at his desk. He looked up. "Yes, Gentlemen?"

"Sir, there's been a DADT accusation made against you."

"I made a date to meet a friend for lunch and stay at a motel," he said dryly. "Mostly to talk about a friend who's working for the Council because he just got drugged by agents who hate them." One of the MP's winced. "As for the status of my asshole, you can tell the Director it's none of her business and if she wishes to bring me up on charges, there's going to be a shitstorm started. Especially since she tried to send me out on a mission that would've included that."

"Enough," Gibbs ordered. "Boys, leave. Now. She has no right to file anything of the sort." They stared at him. "I can call the SecNav to make sure."

"Please, boss. I doubt she wants some dirty laundry aired."

"Stand down, DiNozzo." He called over there, getting his secretary. "It's Gibbs." He was put on hold and sent back to the Director. He hung up and tried the other number he had for the Secretary of the Navy. His cellphone reached his wife, who said she'd have him call back as soon as he was out of the bathroom. He waited and got the call five minutes later, walking off talking to him. He came back and stared at DiNozzo. "What op was that?" Tony pulled out the file to hand to him. He read it to the SecNav as he walked off again. He came back smirking. "He's not happy but he said if you wanted to go screw Harris into acting like a normal soldier he wouldn't care."

"I'm going to talk to James about Xander, boss." He leaned back once he had the folder back. He looked at the MP's, who got orders from their commander to ignore that request and to get out of the way before the Director got off the phone. The saluted and left. Tony looked at Gibbs then upstairs then back at him. "Boss, do I have a limit?"

"He's stepping on her."

"If she tries again?"

"Then you don't have a limit outside harming any other agents."

Tony nodded. "Thanks boss." The director stomped down the stairs. He ignored her, getting back to his reports.

"I know you just used company property to make a date for sex," she sneered.

Tony looked at her. "I made a rendevous with a friend to talk about a mutual friend who's having issues. Since Xander's had problems thanks to agents who hate his job with the Council...." She went pale and backed off. He stared at her. He still remembered she was half harpy. "Yeah, that Xander. James is going to be training a few skills into him that he could probably use to do his job more safely and sanely now that he has backup in Africa.

"I'm pretty sure I can add to it since I got taught to track and hunt here." She glared at him. "Then again, Director, you can't prove my ass has ever been used because it hasn't. Even if I was having gay sex, I'm not a bottom. I don't even like my ladies to get on top, much less someone stronger than me." She huffed. He stared back. "I can also call up character witnesses all over the city that'll prove I've never been gay. Not even you can get all of them into custody."

She growled and her hand reached for her gun but Gibbs walked her off by force. "I wonder if Xander's people need a senior mentor sort," he said, getting into his email to send one to Xander about her. Just in case she tried him too. He got one back from Maria Hill a few minutes later promising that the harpy would have to fly off soon because she was going to die. That she had some sort of genetic problem that was common in crossbreeds like her. He shared that with Gibbs.

"Great," Gibbs muttered, shredding that printed email. "Who was that?"

"Maria Hill, boss."

"From SHIELD?" McGee asked from behind his monitor. He was trying to stay out of trouble.

"Yup. We worked with her in the past," Tony said with a grin. "She's a nice enough lady. Very good as the second-in-command they have. She's been busy routing out corruption recently." He saw the director stomp off the elevator at her level and go into her office, hearing her slam the door. "Is it wrong to mention her to Xander, boss?"

"Only if he'd have her eaten."

"He probably knows someone who could," Tony quipped. McGee stared at him. He grinned back. "He plays kitten poker."

McGee nodded. "I heard about Mr. Harris. I'm really sorry he has to do all that but I'm thankful he does."

"A lot of people feel that way about the Council," Tony said. "Most of them would like the girls not to have their gifts too because if they didn't need it, the world would be easier on everyone."

Gibbs nodded. "From what I've seen he's went extremely into his job."

Tony grinned at him. "He took out some pirates, boss. They had a slayer hostage." Gibbs dropped his pen to stare at him. "By himself because no one else was there to help."

Gibbs shuddered. "Enough said. I can't do that. I'd want a unit behind me."

"He might like that but Colonel Clay's team is helping round out the African slayer teams."

"That's good," Gibbs decided, picking up his pen again. "They have skills."

"They do," Tony agreed. He got back to work. He wondered what was going on but he'd be told when he needed to know something. Thankfully he hadn't had the breast milk delivery that James and Xander both had because he wasn't living the hard life or ignoring his needs most of the time.

***

Jake blinked at the ghostly looking guy standing next to him. "If we're going to turn into Jedis make sure I don't turn into Anakin."

"What?" James demanded.

"Never mind." He took the bottle. "What's this?"

"Drink your share," he said. "Ares delivered it." Jake grimaced but drank some and then had to swallow it. He felt it swell inside him and winced. "More. Few more sips." Jake finished a few more sips and the swelling feeling eased. He handed the bottle back. "Xander will be back next month. Steve and I are teaching him some skills." He disappeared.

"Cool," Jake said, looking around. Everyone else was asleep so he'd mention that in the morning. He got back to tinkering with the computer he was repairing and making sure nothing snuck up on them. Including snakes because Roque freaked out at slithery things that wanted to cuddle up to his warmth.

***

Xander woke up and found Steve staring at him from in front of the window. "Did I snore the wrong tune?" he asked, sounding tired.

Steve grinned. "Not quite. You're not real musical but it's cute."

"You're not evil enough for me." He made himself sit up. "Can I get out of here?"

"Tomorrow. You're still detoxing a few things. Do you remember waking up earlier and calling Bruce a cute puppy, he just needed longer ears?"

"No."

"You did." He leaned forward. "James and I have gotten together to start a skill list so you know what you need to know in case you ever have to bust another base full of idiots. Especially if you're alone."

"Is this like his thing where he was going to chew on me for running out of bullets?"

"Yup, but we decided to be tutors instead." He put the list onto his knees. "That's what we're going to teach you to do better. You're good, but not real subtle and subtle is always better. So we'll tutor you and make sure you can do what you gotta do."

Xander nodded, looking at him. "I know I could use the help."

Steve smiled. "That's all we want to do. Clay's team probably already got taught most of these, though a few are the older ways that still work better." Xander nodded. "So once you're out of here, we'll sit around and show you how to do it easiest." He stood up. "Until then, want dinner?"

"No thanks. I'm a bit nauseous. Is that the drugs?"

"No clue, sorry, kid." He patted him. "I'll tell Bruce you no longer want to use pretty earrings on his puppy ears." He walked off smiling.

Xander looked at the list. "It's not as long as it could be. That's cool." He got up to go to the bathroom and checked his wrist, then went back to bed. He hated being sick. Bruce leaned in. "You're safe. I can't make you a dog. Even though I don't remember any of that."

"At least you said I'd be a cute, fluffy dog instead of a dangerous one."

Xander grinned. "Even fluffy dogs can be dangerous if provoked but mostly they want petted." Bruce laughed but blushed a bit. "Not offering, Doctor Banner. You're not evil enough to be one of mine either."

"Good point. Food?" Xander turned green and shook his head. "You shouldn't be nauseous."

"No clue why. I just am." Bruce got him a bowl to use in case and puttered around, taking a few new samples of blood and ear wax to run through the system. "Why the ear wax?"

"Because it's like a biological glue trap. Anything in the atmosphere that's like particulate matter will end up stuck in it. It's a good test to see if anything's getting to you. Might tell me why you're nauseous too."

"Hopefully. I hate being nauseous." He looked out the window again. "It's pretty but too damn big," he muttered.

Bruce walked over and shut the curtains, looking at Xander, who looked less green. "It's vertigo from the height. You probably haven't been in many high rises in your life. Some people get that." He patted Xander's foot when he walked past him. That explained a few things about Xander and cities, that and him being in the wilds for too long. Cities were more dangerous than poachers or anything else. You didn't have line-of-sight or anything else. He'd bring that up with Sam when he showed up to talk to Xander later. They were all hoping for some healing for the young guy. He was an okay guy when he wasn't panicking.

***

Xander walked off the elevator the next afternoon, still in scrub bottoms and a cheap cotton tank top. He was barefoot but the floors were warm. He caught the view and stared for a minute, not realizing he was weaving a bit. Steve pulled him away from the windows and sat him down. "Sorry, he said I have something called vertigo. I thought that was an inner ear thing."

"It's also something you get at high heights," James said as he walked behind them. "Snipers sometimes get it and have to fight through it." He got them some water and handed Xander his, watching him drink. "Thank you for not making me nag."

Xander blinked up at him. "You're definitely not a slayer."

"No, I'd look stupid in the skirts." He drank some water and sat down, drawing out the first scenario they wanted to train Xander in. Xander nodded, telling them how he'd normally do it. Steve agreed but suggested other methods while Bucky gave his expertise.

Clint walked past during one and pointed. "You need a sniper there," he said. "That'll make it easier. Nat and I did that a few times."

"No snipers with me usually," Xander said, grinning up at him. "If you'd like to volunteer to travel with me...." He smiled.

"No flirting, Xander. I require softness and breasts usually." He walked off smiling.

"Willow hasn't changed me into a girl in a long time, so no breasts, sorry. Though there's supposed to be a few chaos artifacts somewhere according to some books Giles had."

"With your luck, you'd end up like one of those school girls in animes," Bucky said with an evil smirk.

"Wouldn't be the first time. Willow apparently has a breast fetish of some sort. I always end up enormous." Steve groaned, shaking his head. "Sorry, all the wacky that is my life. But hey, I haven't been a dog since I went to Africa. Which is good because they might've eaten me."

"She does that again and I'm ending her in a way that would make my brainwashed days happy," Bucky assured him. A glass of milk appeared in front of both boys, making them sigh and drink. Then Bucky got up to make lunch. He knew he always got hungry afterward.

Xander was choking. "That's a bad poison," he gasped. He looked around. "My bag here? I have the antidote." Steve got it for him and he took it and handed the spare to Steve for Bucky. "Oh, Goddess, I need to kill someone for that." He got some water from the tap to drink but Steve got him some from the filter pitcher. He gulped a good bit and then sighed. "I'm going to kill someone." He walked off to find his phone. It was still in his bag. He called someone. "Dru, baby, it's Xander. Who in the hell tried to poison me and James?" He listened. "No, not the apocalypse...what now?" He nodded slowly. "No, that's not good. Can you get me there?"

"No way in hell," James shouted, coming out to get weapons.

"He's a spill over from another realm. We have him in some comics," Xander said. "Please. James wants to come too. No, I'm not dressed. Give me ...sure, you can send me stuff to wear so I look pretty in homage to the stars. Most of mine are pretty worn out. Thanks, dear." He hung up and called Andrew. "It's me. Comic character named Apocalypse. How do I kill it?" He listened. When the bundle of cloth dropped, he pulled it open and took the stuff inside to put on in the bathroom.

"Yeah, Dru said he's here and somehow he's poisoning Gaia. Her milk was poisoned." He nodded. "I can do that. Send me my baby please, 'Drew. We gotta have a talk with him." He hung up and came out to find his boots to put on. Then he stood up. He was in a plain, tight, black cotton t-shirt and black leather jeans looking pants with his combat boots. "Dru did really good figuring out my size."

"How does this demon die?" James asked. Xander shook his head, checking his axe. "He doesn't or he's not a demon?"

Xander looked up. "Both. He's got regenerative technologies stashed around he can use. At least on his world. Here, he's in the wrong world. Apparently some higher powers stole him to judge him for his asshole tendencies." Stark came off the elevator, heading for his suit. "We probably won't need the help to knock him out and let the witches send him home," he said.

"Be damned, kid," Stark said, getting armored up.

"Okay. We're going to Egypt." He looked at Steve, who was pulling on his uniform. "Um, Steve...."

"Still going, even if I can't do much."

"Okay, sure. We need to knock him into next week. He can change his body shape, size, and density. He's usually about seven feet tall and about three hundred pounds but he can hit harder than the Hulk according to the comics. He can change his arms so he can fly." They all nodded, Bucky grimacing. "All we have to do is knock him into next week so they can send him home." Everyone nodded. Xander called it in. "We're good. Me, three others, one has mechanical stuff. Thanks, Eloise." They disappeared, landing in a desert. Xander looked around. "He's there," he said with a point.

James scanned and corrected it. "Figure's there."

Xander looked and waved at it. "That's the present body holder for Isis. She's possessing her. Lady Isis, where is it?" he called. She pointed and got out of the way. Stark took off to find it for sure, and it wasn't that far off. They followed Stark. The body was groaning and weak. "Please let this be easy," he muttered. "Hey, big guy? You're in the wrong realm. You're poisoning Gaia. We don't allow that."

Apocalypse sneered at him, making himself stand up. "You are not worthy to speak to me. You do not know what I am or where I have been."

"Actually, you're on the wrong realm. Here you're a comic book so yeah, we do." Xander stared at him. "You have the same problem against us."

"I have fought most of them before," he said smugly. Stark knocked him down from behind. The giant went after him and Steve stepped in.

James stared. "Get the knees. I'll get the neck?"

"Sure," Xander agreed, shifting and then lunging forward to move around Steve and take a spinning hit at the guy's unprotected back area. Apocalypse moved and jumped so he caught him in his upper thighs. "Poor baby man," he cooed, sneering at him.

"You will pay for that, mortal."

Xander smirked. "Bring it, bitch. Seen worse than you. An ascending demon, *so* much worse." The alien growled and tried to hit him. It gave Bucky and Stark a shot. Xander and Steve fought back with it. Then Xander's axe cracked. He looked at it. The alien laughed. Xander said a quiet prayer and then looked up. "You owe me." It healed the axe and made it stronger. "Thanks, dear." He felt the magic rippling down it and nodded. "Sweet." He took another swing and the alien shrieked. Steve had cut him when he flinched away from the axe. Bucky had stabbed him in the neck. Xander gutted him and Stark knocked him out. Xander spun, looking at the creature that was appearing. "You're also on the wrong realm. Remove yourself."

"Ease yourself, warrior."

"I am the Slayers Knight Protector," he said formally in a demon language. The aliens looked bored. Xander tried to attack them and they held him off then the magic around the axe broke their hold and he sliced one before pinning the other. "You are not welcome on this realm, Destroyers of Beings," he sneered. "I have seen what you've done."

"We come to gather him. We were mistaken when we sent him here. We thought this realm dead."

Xander snorted. "Really? Didn't look, did you?"

"Some day it will be."

"Some day all civilizations will fall. It won't be because I failed in my duties. It definitely won't be because I didn't look and acted like a higher being's ego." He bit something on his wrist and dripped it on the alien, making him shriek. "Take your faulty selves and that one with you," he sneered. "Before I make your whole race sorry for stepping onto this realm, Destroyer." He got off him. The alien was still screaming. "I said go. Now." He pointed. "Take your bitch and go."

"We do not destroy."

"Bull. Fucking. Shit. You set yourselves up as the judgement panel of all civilizations and you've ended plenty. You won't do it here."

"You have evil here."

"We have good too and not all supposedly evil things are actually bad. Especially since you consider emotions evil. Take. Your. Bitch. And. Go," he growled. "Before I become the evil." They fled with Apocalypse. Xander took a breath. "I need to help Gaia." He looked around. Then he whistled. Isis's present body glared at him. "He poisoned Gaia's milk, Lady Isis. Can we get a lift?"

"Yes, Knight." She walked over to stroke his cheek. "You are not a good boy but you will do and you are definitely worthy of us." She kissed him on the cheek.

He grinned. "Thank you, Lady Isis. It's nice to hear after all the girls I know nag." She laughed and sent them to Gaia's village. It was in ruins. All but her hut. "Steve, find any survivors by the river," he said with a point. "Find the elders or the shaman." He ran into the hut, putting his axe down beside the bed. She was drugged and passed out. "Oh, fuck," he muttered. "James, get me the shaman's herbs. I need a purification set and the red berries we were warned to never eat or touch." He nodded, going to gather them.

"Stark, go find survivors," he called when he heard him. He got up to find what she had in her back room. There was a portal there to her temple. There were all sorts of things that people had tithed her that she didn't really want or need, but they had been helped by her so it was only right of them to do so. He found most of what he needed and came out to get the herbs from James and the berries. "Her portal's back there," he said with a point. "Get me the blood of water of life," he said quietly. "I'll start this." James stared at him. "Now. I know how to do this. I was trained to do this." James nodded. "Don't touch the inner pool."

"I remember." He stepped through the portal, shivering as the icy chill hit him. Then he was in her temple and he went to find the pond with the small spring in the center.

Xander started the ritual purification of the elements and worked around her, focusing on it. He pulled up all his training, all the new training and the old magic he had seen. He pulled up everything in him and knew he didn't have enough but he could manage it. If he had to, he would use his own life's energy to cure her. She was needed and he was just a guy who helped. He was doing the last of the air purity when James came back soaking wet. Xander took the small vial of water, staring at him.

"Fell in."

"Poisonous."

"I took the antidote and a sip of the water after I got hers, kid."

Xander nodded, moving to make the infusion she'd need to heal. She was moaning and that was both good and bad. He found the one last thing he needed and handed it to James. "Smash it. I need it crystalized powder." He took it out there for Steve and Stark to work on. When it came back it was still a bit big but it'd have to do. He didn't have time to send it back. He fed her the infusion, kneeling next to her. Then he did the earth purification rituals again, this time over her body. Bodies were made of earth's elements, filled with air and celestial elements. Hers was more earth and celestial than not so he could do that. She blinked and passed back out. He went back to it, easing it as much as he could. It wasn't going to fully cure her but she'd live and heal. She finally woke up at dawn and he was slumped, still chanting. She touched his hair. He kissed her wrist and put it back onto her chest. He started on the healing rituals for her.

"Xander, I'll heal, love. I'm immortal."

He looked at her. "You got poisoned by nosy alien sorts from another realm." He went back to it.

She snorted. "That's funny." She yawned and fell asleep but when she woke the next week she was better. She blinked at the worried face beside her. "James." She stroked his cheek, making him wake up. "Are you well?"

"Are you?" he countered.

"I feel weak but not overly bad." She sat up with his help. "What happened?" He told her. She groaned. "Them. Who did the healing?"

"Who do you think?" She smiled, looking around. "I have him outside in the sun. He's pasty and shaky." He helped her up. "Let me get you home, Mother."

"I can walk, James." He picked her up to carry her to her temple, where she could heal the fastest. She sighed in pleasure as she was laid on her throne lounging couch. He stepped back and left her to nap and heal. She smiled. "I'll bake you boys cookies." She drifted off again. She'd wake in a few months or so, fully healed. Two of her remaining immortal handmaidens showed up to take care of her. Xander had instructed them in what she'd need, including purging the poisoned milk.

James strode out, staring down at the napping kid. Stark was helping the village rebuild with Steve. He gently kicked Xander on the foot, making him gasp and sit up. "She woke up and I got her to her temple," he said quietly. "She's resting there and will heal."

"Thank you." He blinked at him and passed back out.

"Did he wear himself out?" Stark asked, coming over.

"Yeah. That much work would wear him out. We can put a feeding tube down him too."

"I made dinner," Steve said.

James looked at him. "Xander was busy, Steve. He's went on hunger strikes for meditative reasons before. They all learn it in their training." The two shaman nodded. "Over a week?"

"We made him healing teas," the younger one said. "I'm learning much of potions now and it was good for him. Is the Mother all right?"

"It'll be a few months before she's back. She's resting but she's safer." They nodded. "The poisons are being purged." The shaman smiled and told the villagers that. They needed something to celebrate. James looked at Steve, who shrugged. "We can go tomorrow if you can get us a ride."

"I can get us a ride," Stark promised. He called Pepper to let her know. He had kept in touch with her. She was not amused but said that something like an ancient goddess being poisoned made sense with the Council people. She'd send someone with a jet to pick them up. Stark hung up and got back to helping build stronger huts. Steve and James went with them. The two shaman oversaw their brethren. He was foolish and strong but also too selfless.

The elder shaman walked over to Steve. "Our brethren is selfless to a higher degree than he should be. Not that we do not appreciate it but he has always done this."

James nodded. "Yes he has. Even when he's working with the slayers."

"There's nothing wrong with being selfless," Steve said.

"Until you get injured doing it," Stark put in. He looked back. "We'll put him into the hospital and help him get better. He was learning from those two about war things."

The elder shaman smiled, showing his lack of teeth. "That is a good thing. He uses much of it and gets hurt." He walked off. "We have two warriors in training to help guard us. We will see him back here when she comes home." They all nodded.

"We'll go tomorrow," Stark said.

The shaman patted him on the arm. "We do not mind good guests. The children especially love your suit. They think it like a shrine and have given it many decorations." He pointed. His armored suit had flower wreaths on the head and around the neck. Smaller ones around each ankle and wrist. "I will stop the ones who are making funeral ones in case Xander should pass over. We know he'd just fade and become immortal instead of needing to be helped over." He went to talk to those women. They agreed they could wait. They could use them later if necessary.

James started to move but Steve got some water from the river, taking it to splash Xander with it and make him drink some of it. Xander choked but oh well. He needed it and the cooling off. His leather pants were neatly folded up for his pillow and the shirt was under them since it washed easier than leather. He got Xander back to responding and able to drink on his own. Then Xander passed back out. It was a start at least.

***

Clint landed the quin jet, walking back to open the gateway. "Guys, needed a lift?"

"Yeah," Stark said. "We got sent mystically." He got his suit up and into the jet. The kids pouted but he came out to help them finish their dolls of it. They were happy with that and went to design their own armor. Steve carried Xander. James got the clothes. Stark sat down and closed the gate, sighing in relief. "Air conditioning."

Steve smiled. "It was warm but we're near the equator." Someone knocked. James opened the gate to talk to the women, who smiled and handed them something. "Thank you, ma'am." She said something and waved before jogging off. "What was that?"

"She hopes her daughter can find a man as nice as you." He closed the gate and sat down, handing Stark the food. They had fished for their own food instead of stressing the tribe out. They had also shared with them. Clint got them lifted off and back to the US and Avengers tower within a few hours. Bruce met them up on the landing pad and pointed. "We're good," Bucky said.

"You're dehydrated, sunburned, and exhausted. Hit the infirmary, boys. Take Xander with you." He looked at the suit then at Stark, who grinned as he walked past him. "Should I worry about native kids making their own repulsor weapons?" he asked as he followed them with Clint following him. Fury was already waiting impatiently. "Shower," he said with a point. "Then strip and let me check for injuries and needing an IV."

"Water," Steve said. "We could use a lot of water. We had some, they had a really clean stream, but we were helping rebuild what the asshole did to their village while Xander was doing what he had to do."

Bucky nodded, heading for the shower. "I'm dusty so I need a bath."

Steve followed. "Me too."

Stark looked at Fury. "The first being was from another realm."

"Heard that from Andrew Wells."

"We got him down and the beings that showed up apologized for thinking we were a dead realm but Xander nearly ate them for being something he called civilization destroyers." Fury blinked a few times, mouth opening then closing. "He made them take their shit and go. Then we went to check on the reason we knew this, Gaia. Who is an African Goddess of the earth. Xander wore himself out healing her from the poisoning while we helped the villagers."

"How did he do that?"

"A lot of chanting, some herbs, a lot more chanting." Stark shrugged. "I have no idea how that works. The shaman gave him healing teas because he wore himself out. Rogers hosed him down earlier with water and got him to drink some," he told Bruce.

"He's got a great sun poisoning case," he said. "Dehydration at a high level. Probably hasn't eaten?"

"He was fasting during the rituals. He barely had water," Steve said as he came out. "I know nothing about shaman rituals beyond the herbs helped her but they smelled somewhat and the chanting took days. Then they let him nap in the sun so the sweat would dry."

"I've seen native healers," Bruce said. "Including healing shaman. That sounds typical. We can help him, guys. Hold his arm so I can do the IV."

Steve petted over Xander's hair. "We're doing an IV," he said when Xander almost blinked at him. "You're seriously dehydrated again. You're here with Dr. Banner doing it, Xander." He hissed something. "No, you don't have dengue or malaria again," he promised. "You healed her. She's fine and healing. She woke up enough and Bucky got her somewhere safer. They said to come back when she came home in a few months." Xander nodded slightly. Bruce got him with the IV and started it on high. They watched him rest under the damp sheet Bruce put over him to help with the sun poisoning. Steve got his own medical check and got released with the order to go drink dinner and not make it alcoholic. The others got the same. Fury followed to interrogate them about what had happened. Bruce shook his head but smiled. He was so glad it wasn't him. Fury made him paranoid.

***

Xander blinked awake, staring at the woman at the foot of his bed. "Do I know you?" he asked sarcastically.

"You should. I did give birth to you, son." She patted his foot. "You did excellently." He grinned. "You could have let the others help."

"I'm stronger and the forces come easier at my call," he said quietly. "Because I'm so attuned to the other side."

"I knew that. I was wondering how. So was my Lord and Master."

"Spirit possessions, being really open to them, all that plus Willow." He smiled. "I nearly sent Willow to you."

"Would she have liked the parties?"

"She could use the sex to loosen up. The redhead who was nagging me, Mom."

"Oh, her. You're right, she could use the fun." She patted him on the foot again. "Now what?"

"I have training to do. Steve and James are helping me learn. Then I'm going back to the girls."

She nodded. "It's a hard life, son. I wish you much luck."

He grinned. "Bad luck sometimes works just as well, sometimes even more nicely too." She snorted but disappeared. He let himself drift back off.

Nick Fury walked off, taking off the image inducer. Stark spotted him and called James, who came down to ...talk with him. "That's really low," James said, trapping them in the elevator. He stared at him.

"I met his mother."

"I know. I thought it was brilliant he brought you to be a servant of Bacchus." Fury glared. James just smirked back. "Don't fuck with the kid. He doesn't need it and he doesn't deserve it."

"I wanted a report on what happened."

"We told you all the pertinent facts. Not like he'll tell you how shaman do things. That's fairly secretive." He stared at him. "Don't screw with the kid. He's had enough problems in his life from others doing the same thing. You're turning into Buffy."

"Are you two seeing each other?"

"I could do a lot worse than Xander. Including a few others in this building." He stared at him. "But no. I'm not. I need someone on the lighter side to not drag me into the bad days. So does he. So unless we find a nice dame to put between us...." He hit the button to go down. "Don't do it again, Fury. He doesn't deserve that level of hell." The door opened. "And remember, seers don't *have* to share anything." He stared at him with a tiny smirk. "Ever." Fury shuddered but walked off. James went back up to the infirmary. No Xander. He checked the bathroom and other areas. Still no Xander. He went upstairs and found Steve trying to get Xander to rest. He leaned down to where Steve had him pinned on the couch. "It was Fury, Xander. He was playing mind games with you to get more information on how you did things." Xander went limp. "I warned him off. He suggested we needed to screw."

"You're the same sort of warrior I am these days but we'd never do more than brood, fight things, and have sex. Is that really a good relationship?"

"No," Steve said, letting him go. "It's not." He smiled. "It's good you're thinking about a relationship. You could use one."

"Yeah but they won't help me with the girls so I'll stick with cheap and easy." He looked at Bucky. "You sure?"

"I'm sure. I caught him leaving and we had a talk in the elevator before I threw him down it." He grinned. "He even looked pleased that he had met your mother and had some partying fun with the other bacchi."

"He did?" Steve asked.

"After the battle in DC, I dragged him with me and handed him to my mom. She's a priestess of Bacchus," Xander said. "I thought he needed the broomstick pulled out and to have his mind fixed since he tried to alpha me over things. Besides, they're fun. The Bacchanalia is always fun. Plenty to drink, lots of people who like to cuddle and grope. I get to give oral sex and even get some now and then. That needs to happen more often. My next girlfriend or boyfriend needs to do more oral sex stuff." Steve shook his head but he was smiling. "It's how I kept up with Anya."

"We all wondered when you slept," James said. "For now, sleep. We'll go back to tutoring time tomorrow."

"I need to do laundry."

"It's all been sent out and we'll have it picked up the day after tomorrow when it's done. You can bum, Xander."

"I wouldn't fit into your clothes. You're both taller and more muscular than I am."

"Have you not looked in a mirror recently?" James demanded.

"I have that same feeling sometimes. I'm still the guy I was before the serum," Steve said quietly. "It took me months to really get used to my body." James scowled at him. "It's a big change and he's probably more muscular than he was before and probably more skinny since he keeps not eating." He stared at Xander. "While you're here, you're eating at least twice a day. More if possible. When James eats, you eat."

"He does the same thing," Xander said.

"You can both eat on my schedule then," Steve said with a smile. "Spend the time recovering before you go back, Xander." Xander nodded but sighed. "Good boys." He walked off. "Rest, Xander, before Natasha suggests going shopping."

"Eww. Shopping with girls." He flipped onto his side, staring up at James. "I'm okay."

"I'm sure you are but I'm still supposed to be watching over you."

Xander grinned. "You're the scariest yet nicest guardian angel ever." James snorted but went to his own bed. They both listened to Xander shift a few times until he finally fell asleep. Then he snored, which they could sleep through. It wasn't half as bad as Stark's snoring problem.

***

The next morning, Natasha walked behind Xander's seat at the table. "How can you draw your sort of lovers when you dress that poorly?"

"Oral sex," he said dryly, sipping his water. Bruce had said no coffee or any other form of caffeine. Or salt. He needed to rehydrate and he couldn't have either until he was closer to normal. "They all know I'm fantastic at it." Stark burst out laughing. "It's how I kept up with Anya's demands. That and she liked toys." He had another sip of his water. Steve was shaking his head but smiling. Xander looked at her. "No offense but women who shop are creepy bitches and they give me nightmares. Everyone laughs when I have a flashback to shopping and end up hiding under things." James moaned, shaking his head. "He saw me do it. So, have fun, dear." He grinned.

She patted him on the head. "You probably look nice in those leather pants."

"I work down near the equator. Leather's not really practical. Dru just thinks I'm hot. She has since that botched love spell."

Steve put oatmeal and scrambled eggs in front of him and Bucky then sat down with his own. "What love spell?"

Xander looked at him. "I'd tell you but you'd probably lose all respect for me. Thank you for cooking." He dug into the food.

"How do love spells work?" Tony asked.

"Accidentally in that case." Xander stared at him. "Back in high school I was acknowledged and unchallenged king of cretins," he said bluntly. "Who somehow ended up dating the head cheerleader, who dumped me for her rep. How do you think they worked?" He stuffed his mouth again.

"Steve was the skinny artistic sort," Tony said.

"Who was pretty cute but girls didn't look at him," James agreed.

Xander looked at Steve, then at Bucky. "I had after school hobbies that not even the kids in the Latin club wanted to hang around with. The only cool thing I ever did in high school was date Cordelia for a bit and join the swim team to see why they were changing into monsters so they could eat other students." He stuffed his mouth again. "Forget I mentioned it, please?" he begged before his next bite.

"Sure, kid," Tony agreed, looking at Steve. "I've seen pictures of you back then."

"There's days I still see myself that way." Bucky stared at him. "I don't look the same. Sometimes it catches me off guard."

"I get that about my arm."

"And the hair?" Tony quipped.

"No, I don't mind the hair." He looked at Xander. "You couldn't have been as skinny as Stevie was, Xander."

"No, I wasn't that skinny. I had horrible parents, which Cordelia used against me repeatedly when we broke up for good. Which...it was my fault but she took cruel to a whole new level. I'm kinda glad Anya didn't have her powers back then." He ate another bite.

"The school's records are available through the state," Stark said. "Fury has a copy because I stole them." He grinned.

Xander stared at him. "You're not evil enough to want to date me, Stark." Tony burst out laughing. "Are you stalking me for some reason?"

"No. Steve wanted 'em."

Xander looked at him. "I know you're not stalking me." Steve shook his head since he was chewing. Bucky was trying not to giggle. "Oh, saw Frerick. Again."

Bucky dropped his spoon, staring at him. "Way to change the subject to homicidal whack jobs."

"There's plenty in the high school that thought I was," he said dryly. "So not totally." He grinned. "He sent me candy. Someone confiscated it and left me a note." Tony waved his fork with a grin. "Rophy's again or something similar?"

"Yup. It'd turn you into a kitty in heat."

"That might be fun for a few days but not with him and he's into biological weapons too so I don't want him to get my blood."

"We didn't find any antigens," Bruce said. Xander grinned at him. "You have something to prevent it."

"I sure as shit do." Stark moaned. "Because I don't want anyone to get that." He nodded a few times then stuffed his mouth again.

"What if it throws of clinical readings?" Bruce asked. "Like if you're unconscious again."

Xander looked at him. "I don't tend to be places where there's huge hospitals. Never have been in the last few years." Bucky growled. "The last time I was, he was healing and helping me with the girls training at the old farm I had."

Bruce shook his head. "It could throw your other readings off, which could end up killing you."

"If I voluntarily go into a hospital and I'm not sick with something like malaria? I'm pretty well expecting that outcome anyway. I don't do hospitals. You're the most times I've seen a doctor in my whole life." Bruce growled. "Sorry but truth. Between the horrible ones out there and my parents not caring if I lived, because that would mean an insurance payout to keep them in liquor, you didn't go to Sunnydale General for anything but stitches and casts, and I can do both myself. I learned really well from Willow's mom's textbooks."

"You said her mom was a shrink," James said.

"She was. She was a shrink with an MD to back it up so she could give pills. Sunnydale needed a lot of pills. Yet they hated our lone pot grower for some reason." He shook his head and dug in again.

Tony looked at him then at James. "It's like what you got from brainwashing only he grew up that way." Xander nodded. Bucky growled. Xander grinned at him for it. "Are your parents living?"

"I have no idea if they were sober enough to climb on the buses when the evacuation order got put out there. I haven't looked because I haven't talked to them since I moved out. Or my uncle. Though I'm pretty sure he died of his last DUI. About number thirty or so." He ate the last few bites and got up to do the dishes.

Bruce looked at Tony, who looked back. They both knew that feeling. "That's weird," Steve said quietly.

"Weird was my uncle was into taxidermy and the one demon he had stuffed he swore up and down was some sort of supernatural creature like a big foot but it was a baby because it was only two feet high and only had tiny sharp teeth and claws." Xander looked back at him. "He was so proud he picked it up out of the desert one day."

"What was it really?" Bucky asked, finishing up and moving to help with the dishes.

"A rock eater. They basically tunnel into mountains to lay babies and nibble on rocks for nourishment. I even brought a source home once. He sneered and said books were worthless." Xander shrugged. "He was like that. It's not a great loss to the gene pool. Though someone did suggest he mount the mayor's head that got blown off during the battle to kill it. That might've been nice. They could hang it up in City Hall on their shrine to Wilkins."

"What did he do?" Bruce asked.

Xander grinned at him. "He turned into a pure demon. About ninety feet long, lots of teeth, eats people. He did it during our graduation." He grinned. "That's why he formed Sunnydale." He went back to cleaning up. "We were all kinda happy when he ate the principal. Even the normal kids cheered." He grinned at Bucky. "The FBI has footage from that stored somewhere. And there's supposed to be a guy doing it in South Africa next eclipse. Wanna help?" he asked with a cheery grin.

"How big?"

"Five different possible versions. From fifty feet up to just under a hundred. They're immortal their last hundred days so the change doesn't kill them."

Bucky blinked. "Let Clay's team handle it."

"They'll need a trap with a bomb or a lot of artillery to blow the head off."

"You can have Jake hack the footage later."

"It may be in a vault instead of in their records. The agents looked at the mess and agreed it was a gas explosion almost immediately and only gave us dirty looks as they rode out of town." He shrugged. "Most of the town was dirty to Wilkins."

Bruce looked at Tony, who had pulled out his phone to look that up through his AI. Natasha was hacking from her tablet. "Got it," she said. "It is digitized but severely restricted." She came in to project it on the tv in there. They all watched.

Xander looked. "She got there late. There was about an hour of ceremony first." He went back to washing pots. "The other one is under the name Caleb McKinnon. It was his camera that they picked up. This one was one of the first to run."

She got that one up and Steve stared, frowning. "Is that the principal?" Bruce asked.

Xander looked. "Gym teacher. Principal's the short guy next to him. We decided he was a bridge living troll." He grinned. "I got detention once for untied shoelaces."

Tony was trying not to laugh. "That was noted actually and questioned but the side note said 'it's Sunnydale, just leave it alone'." They watched as the principal got up to speak, growling at it. "You're right, he's a troll." Steve nodded he agreed, fast forwarding to the mayor's speech. They saw him look up then smile and talk about things until the latin started. Then even Steve flinched. Xander just nodded. Then the battle happened. And the explosion.

Xander grinned at James. "Willow found me the plans."

"You did great, kid." He stared at the mess. Then ended the playback over Natasha's shoulder. "I'm really glad one of those never showed up in Russia," he said in her ear, making her shake her head and look at him oddly. "Someone on the Polit Bureau?"

She nodded. "I could see that."

"We're just really happy none's happened in DC," Xander said dryly. "We told the Secret Service about the one there so they could bring him into the desert and end him nicely."

Tony whimpered, looking at Xander. "How many of those have there been?" he demanded.

Xander shrugged. "Most of them take decades to do. Wilkin's version took ninety years. You're a human with magic who makes deals and slowly gives up your humanity until the last step, when you give up your human form." He shrugged again and grinned. "I don't care as long as I never have to face one by myself."

"No, if you find one, you call," Steve said. "I'll get up out of a hospital bed and help you." Xander walked over to hug him then went back to the dishes. Steve got up to get them more coffee, refilling everyone's cups. Steve looked at Bruce. "I'd like to show Thor that to see if they have a manner of beating it."

"They do look like how he described a bilgesnipe."

"Bilgesnipe have legs and tails," Xander said. "They're also a different color and not that long. They're like long iguanas with the tendency to eat anything smaller than it. They're usually about twenty feet or so." Everyone was staring at him. "Anya was Norse." He grinned. Stark moaned, getting up to get stuff to put into his coffee. "She used to think Thor was hot and said at one point in time, if she hadn't married her first husband, she would've given herself to him as a handmaiden to be screwed daily by his hammer." He grimaced. "I guess she went to toys when she didn't get the hammer. It was her favorite thing." He cleaned off the stove.

"Bucky," Steve said. He knocked Xander out and took the cleaning rag. "Thanks." They put Xander on the couch and talked about things, calling Faith to see if they had really been like that. She hadn't seen all of it but enough to know.

"We need to set him up with someone to take all those bad mental places out of his mind," Stark told Natasha. "He seems to like them deadly." She glared at him. "Have any girlfriends you can donate?"

"I don't have any girlfriends outside Clint."

"Hey," he complained from somewhere. "Isn't that what the guy from Maine is trying to do?"

Natasha looked up that keyword in the files. "Three open cases in Maine." Clint walked out of the hallway and got into the file over her shoulder. "Yes, I believe that is." She looked up at him. "We need to know how that happens."

"Giles probably has a book," Tony said. "They seem to have a ton of them in various ancient and obscure languages."

"I found sexy poetry in Ancient Egyptian, the one before hieroglyphs. I asked what the book was about," Steve said. "It had been on the table. The researcher guy said they had copied it directly off the scrolls into a sturdier format. Then he told me it was about some priest willing to give it up to his god, who had tentacles. They think it's an ancient account of a self-sacrifice to a kraken." Tony got poured more liquor into his empty coffee cup and walked off.

"With some of those researchers, it doesn't really surprise me," Bucky muttered as he walked off. "Let me know when he wakes up. I need a shower."

"I guess that was their version of hentai," Bruce said. Natasha hit him on the arm with her tablet. "It sounds like it."

"It does but still disgusting."

"I don't want to know what you're talking about," Steve said.

"Hey, JARVIS?" Clint called. The AI sighed and put up an example of it. Which made Bruce blush and walk off shaking his head. Natasha shuddered. Clint grinned at Steve. Stark started to come back into the room but turned green and left.

"Thanks," Steve said. "I knew I didn't want to know."

Xander squinted at the screen. "Hey, it's Gary's favorite one. The girl's not drawn very well but he likes blow up dolls over real people anyway." He put his head back down. "Quit knocking me out please?"

"Yeah, as long as I can get that thought out of my head," Steve said.

Xander grinned up at him. "The girls in the house caught the guys in Research having a hentai binge on the main communal room's tv. They warned Andrew because he's easily embarrassed. Then they stripped down to skimpy bras and panties, and some with stockings because they had been on club hunts, and went to club dance in front of the tv until the guys all got *real* uncomfortable at seeing living, human, pretty girls and ran for their lives to cry about it. Faith grounded them for not putting on the slutty panties and bras. Buffy went on a prude fit until Giles sent her to a spa for a week to recover." He put his head back down. "I was so proud of the girls."

"I might have done that if I was a teenager," Natasha agreed. "Just so they could not do it again."

"Giles got them their own tv for that use. That way the girls couldn't get curious." He yawned. "I don't know why I'm tired."

"Rest, Xander. We can start tutoring you again after lunch," Steve said, walking off rubbing his head. "I didn't know I could get real headaches anymore," he muttered. Bucky walked past him. "Don't ask."

"I don't need to. JARVIS let me hear." He went to get Steve something for the headache and himself a beer. It was early but he deserved it. Xander really did live up to the chaos legacy he was born to sometimes.

***
Part 4 by Voracity2
Clay looked up as someone walked up to their camp, nodding at the guy. "What are you doing in this part of the world, DiNozzo?"

"Just had a horrible problem that caused us hell and took us hostage. Guys, this is Ziva David, my teammate." He nodded back at her. "I need to get word to Gibbs that we're safely out of there."

"Blocked sat phone," Jensen said, holding it up.

"Thanks." He called. "Boss, us. We're out, we're walking, and we're somewhere else." He hung up and handed it back, looking at Ziva, who shrugged. He shrugged back. "No Xander?"

"Bucky's teaching him things," Pooch said. "There's a log here, Agent David." She sat down with a sigh, rubbing her sore leg. "DiNozzo, we have a med kit."

"I got patched up by an underground doc. I'll be fine. Thanks though." He sat down too. "We have had the month of cluster fucks."

Clay nodded. "Us too. We had to lure the guy trying to turn into a demon into a trap since he's in his last hundred days. We're hoping the thing can't swim."

"I saw that footage," Tony said. "Yuck."

"I had Jensen hack it," Roque said. "We don't need that too."

Amaya came out with the kid, who ran over to climb up Roque's back to steal his knives and Cougar's hat so she could play with them. Cougar scowled but she grinned, waved, and cooed over the shiny knives. Roque just shook his head. He'd get them back when he needed them and he had extras. He had learned this lesson because every single mini slayer tried to take his knives to play with and half of them wanted Cougar's hat.

Amaya stared at Clay. "The girls at the main house were naughty."

"How naughty and why do I need to know?"

"They fought the nasty animated..." She looked at her daughter then at him. "Special movies."

"Hentai," Jensen muttered. "With tentacles. The slayers went stripper and freaked the researchers out. Xander was so proud they thought their way through that problem instead of getting all huffy." He grinned at her. "He's using it as an example of 'your mind is a weapon too'."

"I think bras and skimpy panties are a different sort of weapon. Especially against people who like watching tentacle monsters."

"Eww," Ziva muttered.

Amaya smiled at her. "New helper, guys?"

"I'm Special Agent Tony DiNozzo and this is my teammate, Agent Ziva David. We're breaking our path from the guys who decided we were good hostages."

Amaya frowned, looking around. "Is Xander already taking care of them? I hadn't heard he was back."

"Mama, Uncle Xander will handle it. They won't come here."

"No, they won't," Clay said with a pat for her. "Guys like Tony and Ziva have a whole lot of military people behind them so Xander doesn't have to do it."

"He'll be disappointed he can't loot weapons. We could use more weapons in the slayer arsenal," Amaya said.

"Ooooh, the shiny things," the baby cooed with a grin for her mother. "Can we pet them, Mommy?"

"We'll see, dear."

She nodded and cooed at the knives. Now they were dolls that were 'getting married' and 'going to have babies'. Roque was staring at her oddly. Jensen was filming it. It was so adorable and Xander would love seeing that.

***

Bucky got the film for Xander, since he was in the gym working on some hand-to-hand with Steve. He had to smile. You had to grin at that cute little future slayer. He showed the others. They all smiled.

"She's adorable," Clint said.

"Her mom's a slayer and she's a future one," Bucky said quietly. "But she's one hell of a spitfire." He took the phone downstairs, letting them see it. Steve grinned. Xander went 'awww' and had to answer it when it rang.

"What?" He listened. "Yes, I did have to do that, Buffy. Because the Destroyers of Civilizations were also there." He listened, squinting a tiny bit. "I don't care," he admitted. "I do what I have to do, even when it's huge villains from another realm that we see as a comic book. Any other complaints? You caught me mid-workout and my sweat's tickling me as it dries." She spluttered. Both super soldiers heard it and Steve winced. "Great. You have fun." He hung up before she could say anything else and turned off the phone. "Give it an hour please? I hate being nagged. He looked at Steve and attacked again, getting back into it.

"Over-reaching," Steve said, correcting it. Xander hadn't had a lot of teaching but his instincts weren't too bad.

James walked off. He turned on the phone so he could nag back. There were days he really wanted that slayer and the witch to go to some other version of hell beyond this one. When he got a text message from Andrew stating 'Giles wants a report today please', he wrote one out for them and sent it in for the kid. Andrew sent another text saying he had shown Giles about that bad guy. Giles' only answer was 'fuck' and some scotch so that was handy. Maybe it'd cut down the nagging. Before they turned Xander phobic of women.

***

Xander made it back to Africa, in South Africa. He was on a friend's boat, watching as the guy down there started to change. He had timed it to get here today before the eclipse. He had a few weapons. Clay's team was on another boat. The concrete container burst and the demon worm grew up and out. It was deep enough that his head was still under water. He tried to breach the surface but Roque was already firing on him. And he sank under his own weight. Xander sighed in pleasure. "A lot easier than a luring battle." He leaned on the railing, watching to make sure it wouldn't come back up. A mermaid jumped up and tried to capture him so he caught it by the throat, staring at it.

"No. Bad mermaid." The thing made squeaky noises. "I know I've got some of your DNA now. Not my fault. Someone else did it and he died for it. I didn't know it was there. Okay? If you want to, eat the big demon worm. It's dangerous and food." He pointed at it. "Eat that. All of it. Please?" He let it go, watching it fall back into the water. The mermaid called out to others, who came to nibble on the demon. It was still alive. It was trying to get away. The mermaids got happy with the live food and fed whole platoons of them, some coming from half an ocean away for the feast. Xander looked at the other boat and shrugged. "Mermaid."

"It was gross," Clay said.

Xander grinned. "That's what I got exposed to on the swim team."

"Thankfully the guy's dead," Roque shot back. "Damn!" They watched the demon worm fully die as pieces were ripped out. They gave the eyes to a very old, very pregnant mermaid. By then the guys were headed back to the docks. They didn't need to see that.

"I'm gonna go find some bleach," Jake announced, walking off. "Xander?"

"I'm going to talk to the one that helped us."

"Cougar, follow Xander. Roque, make sure Jensen makes it back. I'll go get us rooms." He went to use most of the hotel's hot water. That had been sick. Really sick. Hopefully it never happened again in his lifetime. He nicely wrote the report for the Council and sent it. That way he could forget about it when Roque came back with liquor and a hooker.

Cougar came back after a fast visit to a nearby church. "They're having dinner." Clay grunted in annoyance but it was fine. Jake was finally done showering and writing his report. It had more information. Cougar looked over Jake's shoulder when he laughed, shaking his head with a sigh.

"Willow said that's a better way than the first recorded one, which took a volcano," Jake said, grabbing another beer.

"I don't want to know if someone can create those," Roque grumbled.

"Stark could probably make something to pull up a magma flow but not that fast." He went back to chatting with his sister. She wanted to meet Xander and Xander was a decent guy who could use nice female friends, and maybe a date. He wouldn't mind being his brother-in-law at all. At least his niece would be protected.

***

Stark looked at the people there for the meeting, nodding. "The guy trying the ascension in South Africa is down. I sent them a camera and Clay dropped it near the corpse. The mermaids did a great job of stripping it and I didn't see any signs of regeneration. They went down with a scuba guy who could use underwater welding torches to take off the head."

"That's one relief," Giles said. "We weren't sure if they could regenerate." He settled into his seat. "Is Xander still there?"

"Rushed off for one of the older minis who just came active." Giles nodded at that. They got down to the amusing business of the next apocalypse battle's plans. Steve was on a mission with Bucky. Natasha and Clint were on their own. So that left him free for this planning. Giles could not plan a single thing, probably not even a birthday party. Giles stared at him. "Sorry, I didn't mean to say that out loud."

"Actually planning is not in my highest range of skills. I was meant to do research."

"Someone said there was tentacle smut in the language before hieroglyphics," Tony quipped. "Then he told us how they got the research council to freak out at girls."

"Please don't remind me. They're still complaining about the girls doing that to them. Even when it was pointed out they grossed out the slayers completely with their fetish." He took off his glasses to rub his eye. "There's days I wonder what would be better for the girls. Perhaps a motherly figure would help."

"It'd definitely help them shop less," Fury said.

Giles looked at him. "They got that from the piece of Buffy's slayer spirit. That's also where the feeling that Xander is normal comes from as far as I can tell. The slayer spirit is very amused according to Buffy, especially at all the fussing about clothes instead of weapons."

Stark nodded. "So are we." He looked at Fury. "You could give him an agent that'd be a great motherly figure."

"Unless we get someone like Peggy Carter in her younger days I doubt it," Fury shot back. "The rest would be too hard. Though...." He smirked. "I have an agent I'd like to work with the girls to teach them how to work with agents. She might smack around the HYDRA ones."

"Frankly, I've done a good bit of that myself," Giles said. "Agent Ward and Wade have kept them away from the girls and dealing with more major issues. Including getting us weapons." He looked at Stark. "Wade said to tell you he found three of yours he's brought into our armory."

"I'll be down this weekend to get those and look over the others to make sure they work," he promised. He looked at Fury. "I'll escort yours."

"That's fine. Sharon should do fine and she's got a fine legacy to help them from." He sent Hill a message. He looked at Giles. "They've been buying arms?"

"I have no earthly clue and when I asked I got that 'you don't want to know' look from Wade." He cleared his throat. "The agents can't play kitten poker very well at all. The local demons have banned most of them for being rather annoying." Fury grinned at him. "If we didn't need them so much..."

"We'd gladly take them off your hands. Even Ward."

"He's rather handy. The local community likes him. The local magic users like him. The girls still treat him like a silly big brother. If he hadn't been HYDRA I would've hired that boy readily."

"We can work on it. You guys have rehabilitated others," Fury said.

"True. Though Spike is not here at the moment. Last I heard he was in Texas somewhere."

"Druscila's in Africa," Stark said, handing over that information. "She's got two nice little packs of kids and grandkids. They're picky but one was the one that turned Wade."

Giles smiled. "He'll be glad to hear it but I'm not sure if he'd run to join her or if he'd make sure she couldn't come back." He tucked that into his bag. "Thank you."

"Welcome. From what I've seen on Dru, I'd like her to stay far, far away from us and Xander."

"Yes, she does still have a slight crush on Xander. Or her demon does, I'm not sure which one." He frowned but let it clear up quickly. "She's also a seer. Never wrong but fairly cryptic thanks to being tortured into insanity by Angelus."

"Where is he?" Fury asked.

"He earned his reward during the invasion in LA. Shanshu or something."

"Ah." He nodded. "So new life?"

"Apparently."

"Wonderful." Fury leaned back.

"The only reason Spike survived was one of the slayers found him injured and helped him." Fury nodded. "He is a bit of fresh, sarcastic air in the Council when he shows up. I'll have to call him for this one." He made that note to himself.

"Is Rosenburg back on better footing?" Stark asked.

"Yes, she quite is and she knows she's not to do things like change people into cats so she has something to pet."

"Or Xander into a girl?" Stark asked.

"Or that hopefully." He considered it. "That would probably harm her quite a bit."

"And almost has in the past," Stark quipped.

"Well, let's hope she's grown out of that. It is rather childish." He grimaced. "Is Xander back to his old ways?"

"Steve and Bucky gave him a lot firmer footing on how to raid somewhere to get people free without needing to blow up the whole base. Not that we mind if some of those groups go down."

"I didn't but I wanted a list of them," Fury said.

"I find I'd rather not know because then I might have to look at the boy differently. He is somewhat like my own son," Giles said. "Especially as I'm not having children."

"Men can father kids into our nineties," Stark quipped.

"Yes, and while I could have an heir, I'd hate to see what their life would be like between the Council and the girls turning them into Xander," Giles quipped back. "Buffy would cute the baby to death."

"They'd definitely never quit shopping," Fury said dryly. Stark just grinned. "Tell the boy he's got to give up two of his boyfriends in the next little bit, Stark. They're under watch for taking down."

"Should I mention which ones?" he asked, pulling out his phone.

"No. He might warn them. He's probably heard some. Maybe he can talk one of them into donating weapons but the other one is hiding a biological warfare group." Stark nodded, sending that message. He got one back fairly fast. "Him?"

"Him. He said he heard about the one doing the bio weapons. That's why he hasn't seen him and he was blunt about not wanting to see him because of that and the ones he got exposed to in the past." He looked up. "The other one he's already raided for weapons because they had a slight emergency but it was fixed easily enough. He said he blew kisses when they caught him carrying stuff out of the armory but they agreed the huge demon that wanted to court the newly active slayer had to go down and took back the spares."

Fury nodded. "It's nice they're helpful that way but we don't want them around."

Stark sent that and nodded at what he got back. "Xander said he could do without Paulo and Maraques but if your guys were barking at Radallo they were going up the wrong tree because he's into selling organs, not blood born pathogens." He looked over. Fury was sending that to Hill, who said they'd alert one of the teams. Stark put his phone up after telling him he had told Fury that. He grinned at Mr. Giles too, who was shaking his head with a sigh. "At least he's having some fun."

"It is good he's having fun as well as harsher times. I didn't like how hard he seemed during the meeting."

"I think that was from the nagging."

"Quite probably," Giles said, shaking his head. "Buffy is the head slayer and she believes she is in control."

"I think we're all lucky Harris didn't smack her for it," Fury said. "I would've." Stark nodded he would've too. "All right, back to this business. Then we can do the rest later." They went over the plans on how to handle things they knew were coming up. The known areas of problems weren't going to be as bad but they would have to handle some panicking and in some areas rioting or fighting.

***

Agent Sharon Carter, who had lived across the hall from Steve when he was in DC, reported for a new assignment. "Sir," she said, nodding at Hill.

"Agent 13, we have a bit of an odd situation. We think you can handle it and get a bit of a vacation at the same time."

"Beauty shoots on the beach to get the drug dealers?"

"No. We have to prepare the Council's slayers to work with us during an upcoming apocalypse battle. You were suggested because they need sense at times. They've made sure the girls are mostly normal, though they do shop more than most girls ever will. The problem is that some of those HYDRA agents were given lifetime duty assignments there and then a few got tricked into it by demonic contract of some sort." She grimaced. "The new arms master is a vampire turned by one of Druscila's children so she obligated him. You have him and former Agent Grant Ward in charge of them."

"I remember seeing Ward around the office, sir. Are they bad to the girls?"

"No but it's thought they could use a good dose of womanhood." Sharon smiled. "Fury said you could live up to your grandmother's legacy and it's not that hard. You're going with Stark this weekend so he can go over their armory. These are the plans currently." She handed over that file. Sharon looked it over. "We figure it will take you about two weeks to teach the girls how to work with someone like an agent. And if possible you can teach them to be a bit more classy when they're not on club hunts. Your grandmother would've been ashamed at how a few of them went to school sometimes."

"They're teenage girls and a few older ones."

"All that comes from Buffy. She was a fashionable cheerleader sort when she got activated."

"Ah, one of them. Sure, I can do that, sir." She nodded politely and walked off. She could call Stark in a bit to talk to the man and see when he wanted to leave. Letting him make the travel arrangements meant that they wouldn't be flying commercial.

***

Stark walked into the Council house, getting out of the way of two screaming, running girls. "Morning to you two too." They grinned at him and one waved before they ran up the stairs.

"There's strangers here!" one shouted. A few doors thumped open and people came jogging down the stairs.

"Don't get up on our account," he said dryly, smirking at Faith.

"Hey, Stark. Who's the pretty lady sort?"

"This is Agent Sharon Carter. She's going to train the girls in how to work with the agents during the upcoming things."

"Cool beans." She looked at the others. "It's just Stark and an agent lady. Go back to bed, girls." They pouted. "Now. You can glomp on Stark later." They went back to their rooms. Buffy came down yawning and punched Stark on the arm as she walked around him. Faith shook her head. "Late night working with Wade. He's apparently good at hand-to-hand."

"Is that euphemism?" Stark quipped.

"Damn don't I wish. Girl could use some dick in her life," Faith shot back with a grin for the agent.

"There's only so much latex can do for a woman," Sharon agreed. "Sometimes you need whatever's at hand." She knew one of the two agents coming up the hall and hit him. "You deserve worse."

He looked up from the floor, touching the spot on his lip with his tongue. "I know, Carter. That's why I volunteered here." He stood up. "Girls won't be up for another few hours. Let me take you to Andrew and show Stark where the armory is." He led them to the back of the house with Faith. "Andrew, this is Agent Sharon Carter."

He looked at her. "Related to the creator of SHIELD?"

She smiled. "She's my grandmother actually. I've read her some of the slayer's exploits and she was tickled that strong women are getting stronger now."

Andrew grinned. "We do try, even if there is a rash of pink, lacy clothes around." He stared at Stark, making a tiny whimpering noise. "I shouldn't drool." He wiped his mouth off.

Stark smiled. "I get that from some engineers, Andrew. You do good helping the girls and using what you've got to add to their supplies." Andrew beamed. "I'm told the armory vampire found a few of mine?"

"Oh, yeah. Um, he's probably grumpy because Buffy only sparred with him and didn't do anything handy or anything else since she won," he babbled. "WADE!" He came up out of the back stairs. "The head of all engineers is here."

"I heard them come in." He looked Sharon over and smiled.

"I'll stake you so fast you'll never get to regret staring at my breasts for your last breath," she said without looking up from her reading.

Wade laughed. "I like the mean ones." She pulled a gun and shot him in the knee with a smirk. Wade moaned. "Ever think about joining the night life?"

"No. Not my thing. Take Stark to play with the toys." Stark walked off smiling. "And don't turn him either. Captain America would be most upset if I brought home a vampired Stark."

"Miss Potts looks like she could be mean," Andrew said.

"I think she's more the cut you down verbally sort but I'm sure she'd get the other Avengers to help her. I'm fairly certain that if the Hulk couldn't take the vampire apart, Agent Romanoff could."

"I'd so drool on her boots," Andrew sighed. "And on Dr. Banner. He's so cool. And smart. He'd do so good here." He almost looked like a dopey teenager in love.

Sharon patted him on the arm with a smile. "Stark could probably set up a way for you to liaison with him if necessary." Andrew squealed and hugged her then handed her coffee and toast. She settled in to have a snack while she and Faith went over the plans. Grant Ward came in to get his own coffee and join in. He had to teach the agents the battle plans so she wouldn't smite him outside of training.

***

Steve's phone beeped. Thankfully they were traveling to the next site. He read it and smiled. "Stark said he is not vamped and Wade's scary but not as bad as Pepper. Apparently Wade's pouting about that." He answered and put his phone back.

"I'm guessing that's a good thing. Pepper is scary," Bucky said, going over his rifle to make sure it was clean. The agent they were working with was not talking to them. Which they didn't mind in the least. "Who are we rendezvousing with?"

"All Fury said was an agent I know. Not sure otherwise." Bucky nodded. "Most of the ones I know are decent and uptight."

"That's good." The car swerved and Bucky had his pistol in his hand before the agent in charge could drive them into the median. "I don't think so, Junior. You don't fuck with Captain America."

Steve looked at him. "People don't screw with you either."

"I almost wish some would. Having a dame again would be nice."

Steve grinned. "Date Xander."

"Too alike. We'd need one between us." The agent stopped the car and ran off. They got out and looked around. No reason for the running. Steve grabbed his shield. Bucky got in to drive. "I can hotwire it."

"Let me check for bombs first," Steve said. "I have no idea how to hotwire modern cars." He found the bomb easily enough and Bucky grabbed everything they needed before it went up. They looked around as smoke canisters went off, going to alert status. They heard thumps and stared in that direction.

An older guy, maybe middle aged, walked out of the smoke, smiling. "Captain, they're sorry they were very rude. They've been taken care of." He nodded. "Agent Barnes."

"Do I know you?"

"This is Agent Phil Coulson," Steve said, smiling at him. "Who we thought was dead until recently. We'd all really like to punch you for that by the way."

"I wasn't allowed to clear that up. I'm sorry he never told you."

"I punched him over it," Steve said. "Stark nearly built an explosive for his desk chair." Another agent walked out of the smoke, wiping off her hands. "I don't know you. Steve Rogers and this is James Barnes."

"Agent Melinda May." She shook their hands. "Coulson, we should go."

"Are we supposed to be meeting you?" Barnes asked. "Or was this happy coincidence?"

"Yes to both since we were to rendevous in about an hour further up the road." He pointed. "Shall we?" They followed him to the agent SUV and got in with him. The girl driving smiled at them. "This is Skye. She's new to the team and training to be an agent. She's a tech ops sort, Captain."

"Pleasure, ma'am," he said. He looked at Coulson. "What happened?"

"They barely saved me with some alien tech and it was fully disgusting," he said. "Then I spent months wondering that myself."

Steve winced. "Fury?"

"Yes." He looked at him. "Nick means well but he likes to keep things to himself."

"I found that out," Steve said dryly. "Especially on ops with Natasha."

"It's good you two can work together. Clint?"

"He's good. He and Natasha are on a mission right now."

"That's excellent. They back each other up very well."

"Stark told them. Clint's ...not exactly pouting but we stopped him from building the explosive for Fury's chair too."

Phil smiled. "I was their handler for years, Captain." Steve nodded he understood that bond. "I'm allowed to mystically appear in front of them later. Can I borrow the shield so Clint doesn't get me with his bow?"

"Gladly." He grinned at James. "We thought Phil was killed by Loki before the battle in New York."

"Oh, you're that guy. I heard stuff about you. Including some of the junior agents nagging the newbies to be more like you."

"I used to hate when they did that." He smiled. "They always looked so confused. That's usually when Natasha or someone stepped in to do their sparring training too. Poor rookies." Steve burst out laughing, nodding a bit.

"I did good helping train her," Bucky said.

Phil stared in awe. "Then the rumors were true."

"Depends on the rumor. Some of them are really freaky thanks to Stark. He told one agent the arm was only for sexual gratification and it vibrated. She stalked me around for days before I growled at her," Bucky said with a perfectly straight face.

"That sounds like Stark. The first time I met him I threatened to taze him and watch Supernanny while he laid on the floor twitching."

"Don't give me ideas," Bucky said with a grin.

Phil smiled back. "I'm sure you have many more creative ways than that, Agent Barnes."

"Yup, but I don't want to *damage* him."

"Withhold his coffee, watch him fall to pieces over the course of a day," Steve quipped.

"Why punish myself?" Bucky asked. "Besides, he'd probably buy Starbucks or something."

"Probably just a franchise. Pepper won't let him acquire the company and it'd take months to do," Phil said. He smirked. "You'd have to get Pepper in on the torture so she could help by offering him tea."

"I just want him to eat and sleep on a semi-regular basis. Howard was not half as bad as Tony is," Steve complained.

"In his later years, Howard was," Phil said. "There's a textbook on bad parenting there unfortunately."

"It seems like some of the team have that same textbook in their past," Steve admitted. Phil nodded. "And then there's Xander's version."

Bucky looked at him. "I'm not sure if his is thicker than the others' or not."

"I think his is written in a slightly different language," Phil admitted quietly. "I've seen Xander a few times and had to debrief him about an incident."

"He's the one that let slip you were alive. He saw you in a vision," Steve said with a grimace. "I'm wondering if anything blocks visions."

"Not that we're aware of," Phil said. "We've been looking. Where is he? Still in Cleveland with the girls?"

"Africa," Bucky said. "He left after they got to Cleveland to handle the slayers down there and grieve. Since then he's taken down pirates."

"A militia or three," Steve added.

"A few Imams."

"And a few priests," Steve agreed.

Phil moaned. "Oh, dear."

"I worked with him while I was recovering my memory," Bucky said with a slight grin. "He's good. He needed some training we gave him recently but he's pretty damn good."

Steve nodded. "He is. He fusses over the girls. He handles problems with them. He fusses over some of the villages he ends up in constantly because they help him too. He's trained a lot of people." Phil nodded he expected that. "The girls are mostly well supported and a lot of them are healthier emotionally than the ones in Cleveland."

"That's good."

"Fair warning, a lot of the agents that were part of HYDRA are now given to the Council," Steve said quietly. May stared at him, mouth open. "Mostly demon arranged."

"Apocalypse?" Phil asked.

"Yes, and the next one will have Thor coming back."

"I'm fairly certain our response team will be there then," he sighed. "Loki again?"

"Some mystical realm alignment that happens every so often," Bucky said. "Clear gateways and Xander said Loki was *helping* this time."

Phil blinked a few times. "Really?" They both nodded. "Hmm. That's bad."

"He saw the, he thinks they're elves, attacking the palace on Asgard."

"Ah. Okay that makes more sense," he decided. "And of course, some demons are going to panic and some are going to try to make moves during it," Phil realized. Steve and Bucky both nodded. "The rest of the team?" They nodded again. "That's reasonable. Does the Director know?"

"Yup," Steve said. "We had a meeting. Xander got stolen from it."

"I hate some of his past dating list." He looked out front when the SUV slowed down. "And toll roads." He handed over the money for that. He looked at Steve again. "Any other good news?" he asked with a slight smile.

"A guy who would've been put onto your team wasn't because he was uncloaked during the spell Xander got someone to do," Bucky said. Phil stiffened, staring at him.

"Some sort of chaos spell that made you say 'hail, HYDRA' during a meeting," Steve said. "If you weren't a member you couldn't say it. Ten of the guys were the ones that were trained to help slayers respond to incidences."

"Ward," May said. Steve nodded. "He looked promising but if he's HYDRA I'd probably kill him."

"He's got a permanent duty assignment," Steve said.

"That's good," Phil said. "Lets him still help and atone for his bad life choice." He grimaced and licked his bottom lip. "The other agents?"

"Some turned, some made deals to cure things," Bucky said. "Some to get out of bad things." Phil nodded at that. They made it through the toll booth and sped up again. Behind them something went up. Bucky looked back then at Phil. "Explosive change?"

"Gas fire in another lane. Looks like a divorce aid bomb." He called that in. He looked at him again. "Any other cheery news from there?"

"Do you know a commando named Wade?" Steve asked. "Was part of Max's crap?"

"Heard of, yes," May said.

"He got turned. He wanted them to take him out so he didn't die of the liver cancer. Druscila's children stepped in and turned him to give him to the Council." Steve smiled. "He and Buffy spar a lot."

Phil smiled. "He is her sort from what I've heard. Who's backing Xander up?"

"Colonel Franklin Clay's team."

"I've heard of them. They're good," Phil said. Steve nodded. Then he snapped and pulled out his phone to show him the video Jake had passed on. He smiled. "She's an adorable future slayer."

"She is," Bucky agreed. "I don't like kids and she's cute."

May smiled, shaking her head. "I feel sorry for her future but that's a cute thing." Steve put his phone back up. "Coulson, we need to find out which part of the realm alignment we'll be dealing with."

"I have the nasty feeling it'll be London because Nick's mad at me," he admitted. "That'll be a mess to clean up." He called in. "We rescued the Captain and Barnes from an attempted grab and met up early. We heard about the upcoming alignment. What's our part?" He listened. "Thank you, Maria." He hung up. "London." She nodded.

"Will we get to visit museums?" Skye asked.

"Probably not," May admitted. "We'll be searching for alien tech."

"Let's hope they do less damage than what happened to New York," Steve sighed. His phone beeped. He looked at it. "Stark said he's still not vamped and the two pieces of his gear he's letting the slayers keep because they had a huge demon show up with flowers and wearing a bowtie to woo a slayer to be his slave." He answered back. Then he sighed. "Buffy walked out to yell at him. He's pouting that Xander wouldn't be so mean and would talk about it like men. Or pay him off to go away. He tried to snatch a different girl but Stark fired the third piece of his old gear at him for that and he quit, then drooled on Stark's shoes for him being him. And he said hi, Coulson."

"At least it's solved," May said.

Coulson nodded. "Stark has a way of cutting through bullshit unless it's his own." Steve laughed but nodded and sent back one. "Tell him I said hello and to calm down. The girls will get exponentially bouncy."

Steve added that, getting one back. "Too late according to him."

"Figures," Barnes said. "The next time you go down there to help, wear something to block the drool?"

"Only one drooled at me and she was a tiny kid," Steve said, looking at him. "Looser pants yes. Body armor for sparring quite possibly." He grinned. Bucky smirked back.

Phil Coulson was in geekboy heaven and it showed on his face. "How is the uniform working out for you, Captain?"

"You can call me Steve and Stark's rebuilt it twice." He shook his head. "I almost thought he was flirting with how tight the pants were the last time."

"The seamstress just wanted to grope," Bucky said.

"Probably," Steve said.

Phil nodded. "Most likely, especially the ones in SHIELD's armory. I had to smack a few with clipboards when they took the original measurements."

Steve blushed, shaking his head. "Dames gotta be dames," Bucky said.

"They're all guys down there," Steve told him.

"Dames would fit for two of them," Phil said. "Especially when they go out to do drag shows on their time off. One goes out as a redheaded looking Betty Boop and the other tries for classical screen goddess but she's not built proportionally enough up top. She really needs to pad her corsets better."

Steve grinned. "I saw the first one." Bucky gave him an odd look. "It was a charity show."

"Oh, okay."

"They're really funny. Some of the ladies can sing pretty good too."

"I'm sure they can," he said, patting him on the arm. "We knew a few way back when, including one of your fellow art students. He passed better than most."

"Yeah, Andi did. The only guy I ever met who was smaller than me. Have you looked him up?"

"No, I didn't look any of the old neighborhood up."

"Andi Dorfleman," Phil said. "Did some fairly well known lithographs in her day but died by her boyfriend's hand in 1952 when he discovered she was a guy. It was hushed up and police quietly took him in for it. I have pictures of one of the lithographs but the rest were more corporate oriented. Slogans and the like."

"It's good Andi got to do what she loved," Steve said. Bucky nodded. He looked at Bucky.

"No, I never wondered because I still don't remember everyone and the others I remember are more hazy."

"Oh, okay." He nodded. "There's not many I wondered about either. I looked up our old unit." Bucky nodded he had done that. Then Bucky shoulder nudged him. "Thanks."

"Welcome. You still wondering about Morita's daughter he disowned before he died?"

"I figured she got talked into the Playboy stuff by a guy. Had her nose up thanks to him."

"Most usually," Phil said. "Or some people just like to be on exhibition."

"We saw plenty of those making out on the fire escapes," Bucky said. Steve nodded.

Phil grinned. He turned to look in front of them because they were slowing down an exit ramp off the highway. "Go left if we need gas," he told Skye. "The station there is cheapest in the area according to the online site."

She nodded, turning on the left blinker. "Can do," she quipped. "Could use a potty break anyway."

May shook her head, looking at Phil. Who smiled back. "Any other big surprises?"

"There's a branch of HYDRA still working," Steve said. "They have Loki's scepter."

Phil stared at him. "Not like ours was?"

"Xander saw something like breeding mutations for stronger soldiers."

"Crap," Phil muttered. "Any idea where?"

"I think that's what Natasha and Clint were on. We're handling an arms dealer."

"Who has energy weapons," May agreed.

"Stark's?" Bucky asked.

"No, not that we know of," Phil said. "Laser based we think."

"Sure, will the shield work?" Steve asked.

"It should as a reflective surface."

Steve looked at it. "I should shine it then." When they got to the gas station he went in to get some car wax and a sponge. Plus some papertowels. Bucky got a candy bar and made him get a protein bar. Steve got them both protein bars and paid then they went back to the SUV. Skye paid for the gas on the corporate card. May got her own drink. Skye got hers and one for Phil. Then they were back on the road.

***

Steve got out of the car first when he saw Natasha waiting on a stone in the park he and Phil were to rendevous in. "Natasha. Clint okay?"

"Watching our backs," she said with a smile. She stared at the others. "May."

"Romanoff." She looked around. "Barton up a tree like usual?"

"He's happy wherever he is. I did not ask." She stood up, staring at him. "Coulson," she said.

He walked over to hug her. "If I had been allowed to tell you," he said in her ear.

She patted him on the cheek, saying something in Russian that cracked Bucky up.

"We'll stay out of that sparring match," Bucky promised. Steve looked at him. "I'll share when his team isn't around."

Natasha looked at the other young woman. "I do not know you. I'm Agent Romanoff."

"Skye. Coulson adopted me and he's turning me into an agent. I'm a hacker."

"That's a useful skill. One I enjoy myself at times." She looked at the boys. "You're healthy? We heard you got diverted."

"We're good. We were going to get pounced and out of the smoke comes Coulson."

"I've found a flair for the dramatic in the last few years. I must've gotten it when I was babysitting Stark that time," Coulson said. He looked around and then stared at a tree. "Hawkeye, we good?" An arrow split the leg of his pants to land behind him. "I'll apologize when you come down."

Natasha picked up the arrow. "Quit wasting them, Hawkeye." She looked at Steve. "Your arms dealer got them off the research arm of HYDRA."

"Charming. Are they still around?"

"Not at that lab. We did not find the scepter but we did find some hostages."

"Test subjects?" Bucky asked.

"For breeding. Four pregnant young women. They're all in the infirmary under agent authority." Steve nodded. She handed over the plans they had on that base. Then they went over this new one. It wasn't that far away and they could sneak there from here in the park. That's why they had chosen to meet here. They headed that way, Skye staying with the SUV for now. Within a mile of the park, they ran into automated laser cannons. Steve's newly shiny shield did deflect them and he aimed the laser beams to take out the cannons.

"Sweet," Bucky said, shooting one that came up further ahead. They moved more carefully, still mostly looking like an odd group going for a stroll in the woods. At least they were in more subdued tactical gear.

Someone jogging smiled at them as she ran past them. "Happy paintballing, guys. It's a pretty day for it and all the kids are in school so you can't accidentally hit one."

Steve smiled and waved a hand. "Have a great run, ma'am. He looked at Coulson.

"It's an assault style war game played with guns that shoot high speed balls of paint pellets," Coulson explained.

"I've seen those," Bucky admitted. Coulson looked at him. "Xander has a paint pistol that has poisoned pellets. He used them against a certain type of demon that was in an enclave. I thought he was nuts."

"I'd like to see that," May said.

"Xander likes pretty, dangerous things," Bucky said with a grin for her.

"I don't date."

"That's a pity," Steve said. "We'd love for him to have someone nicer than arms dealers. Though it was sweet that one sent him drugged chocolates for his birthday and a stripper covered in hallucinogenic edible body paint."

"I'm just glad they took them both to the ER instead of jail," Bucky complained. "He might've died."

Natasha looked at them. "When did this happen?"

"During his forced vacation," Steve quipped. He pointed. The group broke apart and took their own paths into the building as planned. He took out the guards. Bucky and Clint got the security cameras and anything else that moved. Coulson, May, and Natasha got inside and the guys followed. Not that the ladies left them much to deal with. Bucky watched them fight and realized yeah, he was a guy that worked. He remembered why he had liked training Natasha.

May was good too but a bit too dark for him. Natasha at least tried to find some light. The ladies took down the lab. The guys took down the weapons teams. Then Skye got to run in and handle the failsafe computer because Natasha was busy....also known as seeing how Skye handled things. Since she didn't whine, cry, or break down but handled the situation while talking, they decided she could continue her training without being sent to someone like Xander to train her.

Coulson came in with the last few things. "People are showing up to pick up the weapons and information."

"Ten more minutes," Natasha said.

"Thank you." He called that in.

Steve could hear it from where he was standing. "They're not SHIELD." Coulson looked at him. "They were on my tactical team. Natasha, that's Brock."

She looked up. "Skye, finish this."

"Yup." She moved over to see what she was doing and took over in a different manner but it was getting the same information. He, Natasha, Bucky, and May went to greet the team. When they landed he saw Natasha shift and nodded. She nodded back, glancing at Bucky then at May. Coulson walked out to meet them as the cover. One of them tried to shoot him but Clint pierced them with an arrow through the stomach from the back. The others got fired on by the team.

Brock stared at Steve, smirking some. "I was going to give it to Wade."

"I don't care. If we want the slayers to have it, we'll give it to them." He kicked at the guy, who dodged. He was getting into the fight when May stabbed him in the neck. "Thanks, May."

"Welcome, Captain." She walked over a groaning body. Clint got the pilot when he started take off procedures. Barnes got the pilot out and made him scream in terror. May looked at him. "Why do they consider you that scary?" she asked.

"Because most HYDRA agents knew about the Winter Soldier's mythical skills," he said with a smug look. "Thankfully I'm back to myself again." He stared down at the guy. "We're pretending to be the DEA and confiscating things. Unless you want to ride on the outside?"

"No," he moaned. "Mercy, please?"

James stared down at him, smiling that scary, cold smile he got sometimes. "Do I look like Xander?" The man screamed and covered his head. "Huh, you've met Xander. How did you meet Xander?" He hauled him up to talk to him. Coulson followed. "I can interrogate."

"I'll call it back in to Hill so there's no lag. Just in case he's handling something too huge again today." He smiled. "I have no doubts about your allegiance, Barnes. Steve does it to a lot of people."

Bucky laughed but nodded. "He always has, even as a kid." He shook the pilot. "How did you meet my protege Xander?"

"He is?" the pilot asked, starting to cry. "That makes much sense about why they want him to follow you."

"Like fucking hell they'll get him," Bucky said. "How much do I have to hurt you to get you to talk?" The man was whining and shaking his head. Bucky used his metal hand to grab one of the guy's ribs and pulled, breaking and dislocating it. The man screamed. Coulson didn't even wince. "Do I have to ask again? You have more of those. And hey, if you want I'll ask Xander to send me a poker contact to eat you." The guy was praying. "Being in the ice didn't make my temper or waiting ability any better," he warned, grabbing another rib.

The man nicely babbled about the higher ups wanting Xander to experiment on because they think he could be halfway to a better soldier. They knew the formula they had used on him and the kids in the Red Room. They could make him better.

Coulson called that in. "Do you have Xander's number?" he asked.

"Yup." He dropped the guy and called. No answer. He called Clay. "It's me. HYDRA thinks Xander would make an excellent target to experiment on like they did me." He listened. "Any idea where?" He walked off. "I can come help. Really? You sure? Xander doesn't react like people. You get him to drop that far into pain and you meet the hyena instead. I can be there by tonight." He hung up. "Steve, they captured Xander to experiment on. They think he's already halfway to super soldier status and want to finish his transformation."

"He's more a warrior than a soldier but I can see why with the taints. We know where?" He was heading for the helicopter.

"Clay's team has him in sight and I warned them about her. He'll drop into feral mode if he has to."

"Good point. Guys, going to rescue Xander," he said over his comm. Hill came on ordering him to not go. "Hill, I'm not taking that order," he said bluntly. "Never." He hung up on her. "Anyone coming the fast way to New York?"

"We'll clean up here, you two go," Coulson said. Clint shot Coulson in the calf, making him yelp and fall down. He looked up at Clint's position. "You're paying to repair the hole in the pants."

"We'll see," Clint said, hopping down and stalking over to get into his handler's face to yell at him. "How dare you not tell me you're still alive! After Curacoa! After Budapest? After Antigua!" He glared at him. "All you had to do was drop a postcard, Coulson." Phil flinched at that name and the level of yelling. "Why didn't you?"

"I wasn't allowed."

"Yay! I'm going to gut the mother fucker for it!"

"Calm down, Clint. Please? Just...I'm here, I'm okay. Calm down."

"Fuck calm! Once we rescue Xander, you and I are having a discussion, Coulson." He stomped toward the helicopter.

Willow appeared and grabbed Steve and Bucky's hands, taking them to Clay's spot. "Them, guys?" They nodded. "Can I help?"

"No," Clay said. "We won't need magic. Thanks, Rosenburg."

"Welcome. Call if you need help with Xander. I've known him longest." She disappeared.

Clay looked at them. He drew out the map they had found through the security cameras. "Hostages, test subjects, lab, Xander's little special cell. It has gas nozzles that haven't worked on him yet." Bucky nodded. "They've been working on some machine and Jensen said that it'd be ready tonight by what they said then they'd put him into it."

"Depends on the machine," Bucky said. Jake showed him the camera in the lab. "That's the wiping machine. Wipes your memories."

Steve pointed at something. "That's like the chamber I got put into."

"Okay," Roque agreed. "We're your backup unit. You guys got shit to prove we don't."

The two super soldiers nodded and moved carefully forward. Bucky was right behind Steve's right shoulder, where he usually was, and the HYDRA agents looked pleased to see them until they died. A female scientist he had seen ran out of a lab toward an alarm button. "Sorry, did I miss you during my mop up?" Bucky sneered, killing her. He stepped into the lab to take people down.

"We need their notes in case they did something to someone," Steve reminded him as he punched a guard up the hallway. "And someone to question in the labs."

"That's fine," Bucky agreed. Clay's team went to get the hostages. He and Bucky were working toward the test subjects. They'd get Xander last because he might have to be carried out specially. Or put in a muzzle if he was feral. They got most everyone out but the leftover guards were heading for Xander. One had stepped into his cell to kill him and hadn't come back out. The others didn't think to close the door when they turned to return fire at the soldiers. That was their last mistake. One lived long enough to notice who had killed him. Xander picked up one's gun and beat him with it until he died because his head was a pulpy mess. Then he shot the others around them.

"Xander, want a knife?" James called.

Xander sniffed at him then smirked. "Lighter fluid. They desecrated bodies here. We need to honor their spirits and send them off properly."

"We need to strip the information first so we can heal the living ones," Steve said. "Then you can burn it. Okay?"

Xander nodded, stepping over bodies and stomping up the hallway. Someone saw him and screamed. Xander sneered, grabbing her by the throat to slam against a wall. "Are you scared of me? Good," he purred.

"Xander, let her go. We need to question her," Bucky said. "We'll gut her later. We can have fun with the knives."

Xander sneered at her. "Still want me, baby? Those pheromones won't work the way you wanted but it did make me very...angry." She was trying to shake her head and cry. "You sure?" She cried harder. He let her go. "Let me go calm down." He stomped outside. The people in custody tried to get away from him. "Hmm. Albricht? Want a snack? We have to interrogate people," he called. A fuzzy little mop of demon appeared at his feet and barked. "Good boy." He petted it, picking it up to carry over. "The first one of you that spills everything you know, he gets to humanely put you down. The rest... he can feast on people for *weeks* if he needs to. And he has a whole clan of just as hungry puppies." They were trying to combine into a ball of human. Xander hauled one up. "Do I know you?"

"No!" he shrieked, staring to breathe hard. "Please! I don't want eaten!"

"I can torture you instead," Xander offered, putting Albricht onto someone else's head. They screamed like he was already eating them and started to beg Roque to tell him everything. Xander patted himself down then looked up. "Can I have my kit from the jeep?" he called. It fell to the ground. Xander scooped it up and looked. "Hmm. I can't be nice to you. The volgarn slime isn't in here." He picked up something else and sprinkled it on the guy's bare arm. Within seconds the guy was screaming and begging for mercy. "So," Xander said. "What was your bright idea?"

The man sobbed on Clay and told him everything he wanted to know. Xander grinned. "Good boy. Now if only there was an antidote to that poison. It does take about an hour to move from the initial spot it's put on but... Hmm. I guess that would mean cutting off your arm wouldn't it?" The guy had admitted working on Bucky's arm. "Kinda poetic, don't you think?" He pulled a knife off Roque and handed it down with a smile. "Up to you how you die." The man was crying but staring at his arm. He swung the blade to cut into it. Then chopped it off, vomiting on it at the end. "There, isn't that nicer? Of course, I have more," he said, looking at the others.

"Xander?" Bucky said. "Doing me proud, kid. Thanks."

Xander grinned back at him, picking up Albricht, who had been lapping someone. Her panic attack was so pretty. He looked at the dog, petting it. It wasn't deadly by any means but he wanted a cuddle of something soothing and soft. It was the demonic hair puppy or Jensen. Jensen was presently beating someone. Xander threw the knife he had stolen off Roque at the guy Jensen fought, hitting him in the arm. Jake pulled it out and used it on the guy to kill him. "Thanks, Jensen."

"Welcome, Xander. Usually I'd rip something off to beat them with but sometimes knives are cool." He dragged the body back over. "He won't try to escape again."

Steve blinked. "Wow," he said. Jake smiled at him. "Good job beating him, Jensen. I'd like to spar with you sometimes. I haven't seen that one move used."

"He learned it off a movie," Roque complained, taking his knife back. He looked at the kit Xander had. "Teach me those, kid."

Xander hugged him. "Of course I can. It's not that hard to find and Jensen plays a mean hand of kitten poker for supplies." He pulled out another bottle, reading it. "Yup, that's the flame potion instead of the portal opening one." He shook it, looking at the bleeding stump then at the others. "Well, let's make sure he survives to a trial." He poured a few drops onto the stump, making the guy scream but it cauterized the stump and burned a few more inches up. "Cool." He looked at the others.

One just made him want to puke. "So," he said, staring right at her. "Now that you have me and you figured out you can't breed me, what're you going to do now?" She shrieked and lunged at him. He threw the flame potion onto her. "Huh. Pity." Cougar doused her with water. It made the flames go higher. "It'll only do superficial damage for a few hours." Albricht was edgy so he moved the poor demonic hair dog away from the flames. "I'd never let you get hurt that way, Albricht. You're a good boy." He petted him again.

"What puts her out?" Jake asked, grimacing. "She stinks, Xander."

"Sand, things like that. Which is probably a bitch to get out of burns." Pooch grabbed a fire extinguisher and used it on her. "I guess that'll work." He smirked. "You wanted to breed me to who?" he demanded with a grin. "And which one of us would've been the mom?" She pointed a finger at Bucky then fell down. "Where's the stored sperm, dear?" She mouthed 'kill me' at Roque.

"Hell no, I'm not the nice fairy. I'd add more potion."

"I can find some portal potion. It'll slowly engulf her body in one," Xander said, petting the dog.

"Too easy," Jake said. "What else is in the bag?"

"The lab's in Sweden," one of the others said. "It's inside a hill. It's specially protected and has special precautions. None of us have been there. Please don't torture the rest of us?"

"You kidnaped me and tried to drug me," Xander told her. "You don't think I should do it back?"

"We want to advance humanity! That way they have protectors in the future."

Xander stared at her. "If I wanted it to be my kids, I'd have someone like Dr. Banner undo the DNA taint so I could impregnate someone. A few of the slayers would probably volunteer. Why would I do that to my kids? I'd never consign them to the hell I've been through." She cried. "None of us that do this job are having kids for the same reason. We don't want our kids in our hell." He walked off petting the dog. He looked at him. "It was mean but she injected herself with some of my blood." The dog barked and lapped him. "Thanks, puppy dog."

"Which one injected themselves with his blood?" Steve demanded. They pointed at the burned one. "Hoping for the mermaid taint's effects?" They nodded.

"Dumbass," Bucky said, walking after Xander. "You calmer now?"

"Maybe. Could use a cheeseburger for some reason." He looked at him. "I think one of the gasses they tried gave me the munchies."

"Could be. We need to find out what it was and if you're spreading something."

"Then shouldn't you be farther away from me?"

"I have super healing gifts," he said dryly, staring at him. Xander shrugged and relaxed. Bucky patted him on the arm. "We'll let Bruce pull blood again."

"If he must. I hate needles." He looked at the dog. "Wanna come with us?" It barked happily. "Cool." He carried it to the jeeps. "How are we getting home, guys?" He looked back. "Or are we stopping in Sweden first?"

"We'll get the rest of the team to bust them, Xander," Steve said. "Sit in the jeep." He nodded and did that, petting the mop of dog hair. He looked at Clay. "Coming with us?"

"We'll do prisoner escort so you two can get Goofy calmed down," he said quietly. "I doubt they'll give us any problems."

"I can ride with you. Bucky, you get Xander back via ...however. I'll go with the prisoners and meet you at the tower so we can go raid Sweden."

"Got it." He texted Willow, who came to pick them and the dog up, taking them to the tower. "Thank you."

"Welcome. What did they do to you, Xander? You stink and you're petting a pile of demonic dog fur." It barked at her. "Oh, you're one of those. Cool." She petted it, taking it with her. "The girls will adore you. They wanted a pet and Wade can't eat you so you're a safer one than goldfish." She disappeared. Wade hated dogs so she could torture him a little bit until he went to Buffy to stop her, which would mean Buffy could talk him into sex sooner. It worked out well for everyone.

"Doc, he got gassed a number of times," Bucky said. "He said one's giving him the munchies."

"I can figure that out," he said, taking ear swabs, skin swabs, and then blood. He pushed Xander down since he was staring outside again. "Nap, Xander." Bucky shut the curtain for him. "Thanks." He turned up the desk lamps and got to testing. "Anything good?"

"They were going to manipulate mine and his sperm to make a kid somehow," Bucky said.

Bruce stared at him. "Where is it stored?"

"Sweden. Stevie's on his way back with the prisoners."

"I took out the one that injected herself with my blood before she could change," Xander said quietly.

"She's still living but if she changes into a mermaid, we'll put her out of our misery before she eats someone," Bucky promised, sending that text to Steve. That made more sense than Xander just randomly torturing someone. "What about the guy with the arm?"

"That was the hand he used to get sperm. I hated that suction tube but that's the hand he used to put it on me." He stared at James. "Fuck him and the bitch he rode in on. He doesn't need that arm."

"No, I wouldn't have left it there either. Especially since he used to work on my arm." Xander grinned. "Rest. I'll get you a cheeseburger and come back."

"And fries? I haven't had fries in ages."

"Sure, and fries." He walked off, looking happier. He even got the kid a milkshake because Xander needed the calories and calcium.

***

Steve stepped off the elevator, going to the bathroom to clean up then come out for the meeting. "Sweden's site found?"

"Found, mapped," Natasha said, handing it over. "Security grid's not looking exceptionally great. We've seen worse from Stark in a pissy mood."

"They bought Hammer tech," Stark said dryly. "It's already a failure in the making." He looked at him. "A recon team is already there watching things."

"Even if they do take out the sperm samples I'd be really happy," Bucky said. "Steve, he's still down there. They gave him some nasty gas samples and one's making him hum and call everyone kittens at the moment."

"Great. The last one?"

"They took longer to work on him," Bruce said. "It could've been the first or second. I couldn't tell the ratio of use or which order. The notes?"

"Coming from Fury."

Bruce nodded, looking at his email. He sent one to Hill. "Hill said we don't need to know."

"I'll yell at her later," Stark said, hacking into SHIELD's files to get them. As soon as they were uploaded he grabbed them and handed them via printout to Bruce. He went downstairs to work on Xander. He looked at Coulson's team. "Cap, these are science geeks, a hacker, and Coulson's backup agent." May nodded at him.

Natasha's phone rang. "Hill said we are not to go on this op," she read. "That if we go we are fired." She sent back a 'please do and then we'll talk to the press after we bust that site'.

"You know what, let me tell Pepper about that idea," Stark said, emailing her. She sent back a 'handled'. "Oooh, she's using single words." Coulson shivered too. He looked at him. "You good?"

"I've been a bit better without the hole in my leg." He looked at Clint, who was still scowling at him. "I would've sent you word but no one would tell me where you two were and as soon as I got strong enough, I got my new team," he said quietly.

Clint stared at him then at May, who nodded. "Fury had me put together one that he'd suggest to Phil to keep him under watch and busy. I've been reporting directly back to Fury about his health."

"I'm all for fulfilling the kid's vision about SHIELD falling in and Fury dying after we bust the breeding operation. Who knows what we'll find up there," Stark said. The others nodded. "Coulson?"

"I made it through Havana with worse while being chased by a death squad," he said simply. Clint grinned at him. "You're still paying to fix the hole in those pants."

"Aww," Stark and Bucky said.

Coulson shot them a lower powered glare. "Do stop. Thank you." Steve was grinning too. "I was his handler since he came in. Natasha's too."

"I will pay you back for not telling us later, once you have healed," she said simply. "I have patience and can hunt."

Bruce came off the elevator. "I've had the feed on down there. Xander's calling someone speaking something I don't understand. Does he have a cult to him?"

"Don't tempt his ex's," Clint moaned. "Please, Doc, don't tempt his ex's."

Xander limped off the elevator. "Computer?" he asked. Natasha handed over hers. He got onto a site and put in the password. Didn't work. He tried the other one. No go. So he used his administrative one. That worked and he got onto a certain page, handing it to Stark. "The Council hired."

"To make babies using slayer eggs. Probably gives it some advantages," Stark read. "What is this site?"

"Rising Moon is the UK version of Rising Tide," Skye said. "It looks like their logo."

Xander grinned at her. "They have a pagan network." She shuddered. "They've been going through the wreckage of the old council buildings. That site is on the research they found notes on so we can correlate." He sat down, rubbing his knee. Stark stared at him over the monitor. "I twisted it falling out of bed to escape the floating jellyfish."

"I've had a few of those," Stark admitted, going back to it. He looked them over. "Fuck, the old Council was brutal and idiots." He looked at Bruce. "One of their trainee, uncalled slayers got exposed to the same things you did that made the Other Guy to see if it'd make her a stronger potential slayer."

Xander nodded. "We heard from one of the research guys who sneered. Giles was most distressed he was plotting to get back to the old ways. I showed back up to quietly question him and then called in the hackers to go search things for me. They've since moved on to putting the books into an online format on another site."

"That's probably what my AI searched to find out what all your marks were."

Xander shook his head. "They haven't gotten to that section yet. They're still in the prophecy section. Not translating anything, just copying and scanning things in." He shifted again. "I need to get this out there before it bites us. I haven't told Giles yet."

"He might forbid it. Or it'd make all those former HYDRA agents look odd," May said.

"Giles won't forbid it and we have a good explanation for them. Including that we've got an apocalypse battle in eight years that's looking like most of us at it will die. We're bulking up training. Also, some demons have given us their pets as a sign of respect and so the girls aren't alone. And Wade." He grinned at her. "I need someone to help me get that out there."

Tony texted Pepper, who came up to get him and take him to talk about it. Bruce went with her to monitor Xander's hallucination levels.

***

Xander looked at the reporters in Constantine, Algeria a few days later. He smiled at the woman who had just breathed 'you're the one that backs up the African slayers'. "I am, yes." She stared up at him with puppy adoration. He looked at them. "Guys, can you hear me?" They nodded. "First, we've got two statements for the New Watchers Council today. The first is a bit odd. Due to an upcoming *seen*, as in had a vision about it, apocalypse battle in eight years, we have been given gifts by some higher demons so the girls won't be alone in the battle.

"They are mostly agents and soldiers that were...well, quite a few had been found to be HYDRA. They had made deals to get out of things and were indentured to the Council for ten years. That way the girls had someone they could almost trust to back them up." They all stared. "While we appreciate them and the ones that had been SHIELD that got given to us as permanent duty assignments, who had all been trained by us to handle apocalypse battles with the slayers, we know it looks a bit weird. So I'm clearing up that misconception at the moment."

"Permanent duty assignments?" one asked.

"Basically we're their jail sentence." That got a few nods. "We appreciate them more than a few of the others. They know how to handle working with bouncy slayers on a sugar high." He grinned. "Because we keep the girls as girls as much as humanly possible. We want all the slayers to be as normal as possible for as long as possible."

"Is that why the calling was rescinded for some?" a male reporter on the left said. They had mostly segregated by gender.

"Yes. We asked for a boon after a fight that included a higher power. She took the calling from anyone under the age of sixteen so they could have childhoods and be girls. They train before then in simple things, like how to get away if something still attacks them, but the real training starts after sixteen now and goes until they're cleared for patrol sometime after they're eighteen." He nodded, smiling. "The other statement isn't quite as happy," he admitted, grimacing some. "Thanks to all the HYDRA finding, some things leaked out. We went looking in the old Council building, the ones that the First Evil's minions blew up, and the others they had spread around.

"The Council was apparently trying to genetically breed better future watchers and slayers by manipulating DNA and using former strong slayers' eggs. They sub-contracted that to a certain HYDRA base. When the hackers I asked to go looking through the wreckage found that they told me and went looking for more." He held up a folder. "There's about ten of these. I didn't get to make too many copies due to the power going out." He handed them to one of each gender of reporter. "We found out who they had sub-contracted to. Where they were at that time, and then all the other idiot projects they had. Frankly, most of us are kinda glad they're dead. I told Giles and he went on a swearing rip in nine languages, all of them consigning them to hell. I can't say mine was much better."

"Are they ongoing?" a female reporter asked.

"No. What little we found that may be going on, I asked someone a personal favor to check into and it got back to the Avengers. We can't be sure they weren't working on multiple breeding projects there and it's better that someone like Stark, who won't use it for public or private gain, finds them and destroys it. If there's anything of scientific merit that may help infertile couples, someone like Stark would give out that information without the rest. I trust him to do that and he swore to me he would." They all nodded.
"The real problem is some of those projects were regrettably disgusting. Trust me, the new Council, we don't do that. If we find anyone in common with them, they're gone as soon as we have evidence naming them there. By the way, we're hiring again." A few laughed. "A few of the research council had been part of it. That's how a minor HYDRA research station kidnaped me from the village I was in earlier this week. Thankfully I'm no longer hallucinating thanks to the gas they gave me so they could get semen samples. I'm going to make sure mine are all gone. Stark promised he'd see them destroyed." He smiled.

"So, yeah, the last incarnation, totally stupid and slightly evil. We knew that though, we hated them when they showed up to taunt Buffy more than once. The old Sunnydale team, which is now the head of the Council, did without Council support for years because Buffy fired them for taking her mom hostage and putting her in a house with a deranged vampire, after they had done their little test by removing her powers to stick her in with them. We hated them until they blew up and we faked some sympathy for the friends Giles lost, but mostly we just cheered quietly that they were down, until we realized why." He leaned on the lectern.

"We are not the old Council. We need to make sure people know we're not the old Council. I'd gouge my remaining eye out if I ever turn into them." He looked around. "The last thing I'm going to do," he said, looking at the staring officials. "Is open up the door behind me to one of the ancient offices so the researchers at the university can study it. I'm sure there's all sorts of things they can learn from the furniture and the books we're pretty sure are in the library." He turned and pulled out Giles' ring, putting it onto the door frame in the right spot. Then he opened the door. Still the shield. He laid a hand on it, wearing the ring now. It fell with a crash and a bang. Xander looked inside.

"It looks safe but if the officials would like to follow me I'll make sure first. Just in case they had something trapped. We were never sure why they abandoned this office." They nodded, following him. Xander found the demon in the office, scowling at it. "Go away." It huffed. "Begone," he said, casting it out. The other two in there also left. That left one powerful one and he threw holy water on it. "I said go." It fled with a sigh of pleasure. "And leave people alone before I have to kill you." He grinned. "This was the main office. I need to box up a few things for Giles. Our researchers will be here tonight to work with yours."

"This is most generous, Watcher Harris," one said, clasping hands with him. "Many students will enjoy this."

"I figured they would. You find some of the strangest things in the old libraries. We found one in Demotic, the ancient language, talking about tentacle sex once." The guy laughed. "Seriously. It creeped the slayers out." He got what he needed to be boxed up and searched the desk, taking the other personal things. "There." He carried it while they went to the library. The large, pouty demon in there stared at him. "Are you bound or trapped?" he asked.

"Bound," he complained. "For another hundred-thirty-one years."

"Okay. Don't hurt anyone. We're letting normals look in this ancient library center and the current research team will be over later tonight. Plus some people to digitize the books."

"That would be great," the demon agreed. "People to finally talk to." He smiled at them. "I have been very bored and the books got old a few centuries back."

"We will not bother you if you do not bother us, but we would gladly talk to you about the things you have been around for," one said.

The demon squealed and clapped. "I'd like that. Thank you."

"You're quite welcome. I know some history professors who would drool on you for what you've seen." He smiled, looking at the books. "Why is that one covered?"

"It's how some of the old lines got stopped by sacrificing themselves for power," the demon admitted. "Including to a kraken a few times," he said, looking at Xander.

"We found one of those."

The demon looked up then at him. "The one you mentioned is having fits."

"About what?"

"I do not know."

"If he wants me, he'll call but thank you for that warning." He patted him on the arm. "Rest. They'll be in and out of here for years yet." He walked off, leaving them in there. He waved at the reporters and Willow brought him home. He presented the box to Giles. "They have a bound demon in the library."

"That figures," Giles said, looking at the personal belongings. "That one may have family left." He smiled. "Thank you for both duties, Xander." He took his ring back.

"Welcome." He walked off happier. "Andrew, please feed the hallucinations? The jellyfish are hungry again."

"I can do that, Xander." He gave them food and let Xander sit down to eat for each one since they were psychic and couldn't eat on their own. They had come to Xander because he could get them all nourishment without getting sick of food.

***

Up in Sweden, Tony Stark was having an absolute fit. No one was going to calm him down. Steve and Bucky were in horrified shock.

In front of them was the cryo stored infant clone of Howard Stark. Never revived after being put in there by the card on the cryo unit.

Natasha looked at it. "Stark?" she asked quietly.

"Find me who did this so I can end their asses, Romanoff," he ordered coldly. "And find me a facility I can store the clone in. I don't want to wake it at this time but I have no idea about anything else." He rubbed his forehead, looking at Steve.

"I'm all for ending the clone. I don't like clones, even if it was Howard," he said quietly.

Bucky nodded. "Me too, Stark. It's too dangerous."

Stark nodded. "It won't be woken up unless I'm sure it's a good idea and right now I'm with the burning option."

Simmons walked in and stared at Stark. "We found six vials listed as untampered with of your father's sperm. Also two from your mother's eggs. We also found two that were tampered with and a code we're not sure of yet."

Steve hit the button to burn the clone, not watching the unit seal itself for the intense burst of heat and radiation. "We can store them in case you want to do that, Tony." He touched him on the shoulder. "Who knows what they did to the clone. It could've been evil."

Tony snorted but looked happier and more relaxed. "I can agree with that. Those, anything of mine, Xander's, or any avengers go to my lab and only my lab," he told her. She nodded, going to pack those up into separate containers.

"Xander wanted his burned," Bucky reminded him.

"I want to answer his question of if he's fertile or not," Stark said. "Not use it. I'll burn it after that." They nodded.

Fitz leaned in, looking grim. "We found egg samples from some of the current slayers."

"No," Stark said. "My lab and only my lab so they can make that decision and we can find out why." He nodded. "Just pack them all up and we'll sort it out at home."

"Got it," he said, repeating that order. The scientists that Stark had brought in from his own people were doing that. He had made sure no one could say 'hail, HYDRA' under that spell on a touchstone.

***

Six days later, Xander walked up to an agent he tolerated. "Come with me," he said firmly but quietly. "I'm fetching for you." He walked off. The agent followed him to his rental car and to the doctor's office. Xander got out and walked in, heading into the back. The nurses tried to stop him. He stared at one. "Did you know he took eggs from the slayers and sold them?" They backed off, shaking their heads. "Good." He found the doctor he wanted and dragged him off. "Ladies, I'm sorry about your OB/GYN but he was found to be selling slayer eggs for commercial and scientific uses." A few shuddered. "I can't let that go on." He dragged him down to the car no matter how much the guy struggled. Xander handed him to the agent then pulled papers out of his back pocket. "Invoices where he sold eggs and got paid for it. We found three slayers under fertility meds this morning when we heard from Stark and checked."

"This is more than enough for an arrest warrant, Xander," he agreed. "If you had told me, I could've gotten into his files already."

"He has current patients. Me busting in is a bit nicer to them than agents busting in. His nurses swear they didn't know."

"Got it." He called that in. His boss sent him immediate backup and he arrested the doctor to go back to the office. "Next time, a head's up, Xander, so we can be waiting."

"Sorry, I'm used to corrupt officers who need a better second paycheck or just don't care." He walked off. "I'm having to buy ice cream."

"Have fun." His boss showed up, looking over the invoices. They were scanned in so the agent going to the judge would have them. The judge signed the order immediately. "I hate this HYDRA group," he told his boss. "I really do."

"We all hate HYDRA and their Nazi leanings and all that. I'm glad we're catching them all before they could screw everyone up worse."

Xander was looking up the lab he wanted and sent it to James. He'd like to look at Loki's scepter.

***

Xander flopped down on Mother Nature's cushion when he made it back to her village, sighing at her. "Will you still love me if I keep the stupid psychic jellyfish? And if they're yours, can you please recall the starving things before I get fat?"

She frowned, running a hand over his head. "I don't sense anything." Xander concentrated and they appeared swimming around his head, begging for garlic bread. "What on earth?" She tested them. "That's very weird, Xander."

"I got them when they tried to gas me at the HYDRA base." He looked at her. "I'm eating too much and I'm getting fat."

"You're not fat, dear. You'll work most of it off in a few weeks anyway." She touched one and had a sudden headache. "Oh. Oh, dear." Xander helped her lay down. "That's nicer. Thank you." She stared at them. "Are they demonic?"

"We think they're an energy manifestation."

"Not even Strife had problems like that." She stared at them. Xander leaned against her side, letting her pat over his hair.

Bucky strode in and sprinkled something on them. They dried up and turned smaller and quieter but didn't die. One split into two tiny jellyfish. "I was hoping that'd work."

Xander looked up at him. "At least they're wanting meat now instead of garlic bread. Think I can pass them on?"

"That might be evil, dear," Mother Nature said. She yanked on his hair. "An African Earth goddess, love?"

"You are," he said. "Among other things."

"Point I suppose." She frowned at them. "I have no idea what they are."

Xander flipped over to point. "I named her after Buffy. She likes mocha lattes. That one's named after Willow because she wants veggies and trail mix. That one's Cordelia. She only wants really great chocolates while the one next to her is named after Anya because she wants chocolate pudding." He looked at the new one off Anya, who smiled at him and waved her tentacles happily while asking for lamb. "I'll name you after Joyce because she used to be a good cook." He looked at Bucky then at Gaia. "Maybe if others could see them I'd get fewer funny looks."

Bucky nodded. "We thought you were still hallucinating. Bruce was thinking about meds." He took a picture with Xander's camera then uploaded it to his phone to send to Giles, Natasha, and Stark with the information that no one knew what they were beyond hungry psychic jellyfish Xander had named.

"Tell Bruce they really liked his spaghetti and meatballs the other night," Xander said. All the jellyfish were wiggling and chanting about it. "See?"

He made that note to Bruce, who was amused but said he had no idea how to deal with psychic manifestations and was it like being haunted? James looked at him. "Bruce wanted to know if it was like being haunted."

"No, I've had that problem," Xander said dryly. "Anya floated after me for six months." Gaia stroked her nails through his hair. "Thanks, Mom."

"Welcome, dear." Jake walked in and hugged her hard. "Good afternoon, Jake."

He looked at the jellyfish. "I knew I had seen them. You were meditating and they showed up." He grabbed the water buckets and went to get her some. Xander went with him to help. The hut needed cleaned. The shaman were both staring at the jellyfish but Xander shrugged. Jake grinned. "Someone tried to gas him and they showed up. They're always hungry." The shaman just nodded and tried to poke one of them, making her giggle and wrap around his hand to cuddle him and beg him for his berries.

"Can't you have non-weird problems?" Roque demanded, staring at them.

"Apparently not," Xander quipped. "But I think one's adopted the junior shaman so he can eat for her. That would be Joyce, who just split from Anya." He looked at Jake. "Maybe I'll go see my mom. She might know."

"Maybe," Jake agreed. "If not, her boss might. He's probably seen weirder than floating psychic jellyfish. Just look at Spike and Dru."

Xander looked at them then at Jake. "Think this is how Dru wanted to nag me to eat?"

James walked toward them. "Giles said that they're the manifestation of a feeling that got a Fury to punish you lightly. Whatever that means."

"Sure, it was Dru," he decided. He looked up. "If it ruins my abs, I'll get you back for it," he called. They grew. Willow appeared, looking at them and touching one. She made them fully visible. "Any idea who sent them?"

"Feels like Dru. I think this is how her stars told her to mother and baby you, Xander." She grinned and disappeared.

Xander looked at the others. James was taking new pictures to spread around.

Down in Cleveland, Wade got told by one of the slayers gossiping. He could fix that. His 'grandmother' would be pleased with how vicious he could be. He walked upstairs and found Spike up there. "I'm going to stake Dru."

"She has one of those psychic things herself. It used to nag her to eat her blood," Spike said dryly. "They can only appear on people who have visions."

"Great. Want one last night with her?"

Spike nodded and followed him to the sunblocked car. He taught Wade about the various vampire travel options. Wade paid for a portal and Spike went to greet his dark princess. She was already naked on her bed, smiling at him. "That's mean, Dru love. You know Harris has gotten meaner. He even tortured someone."

"I was of proud of our baby, Spike. He's such a good boy at it." She lifted a hand, smiling at him. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too." He stripped down and pounced her. It was always good with her. And if Wade got her right before he got off, then pointed at the stake she had been holding, Spike could make a new princess. Vampires were adaptable that way. He'd mourn Dru later. Maybe he'd finally go turn Xander. Or that guy that roamed with him sometimes, the one with the arm. He'd make an exceptional pet vampire. And Wade was a good minion for him. He was family after all.

The End.
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