The Babes of the Night. by Voracity2
Summary: Something weird is going on in New York. Darcy Lewis wakes up without any memories and pregnant when she hadn't been a few days earlier. Thankfully someone's heard and comes to help. And then life happens to them. Plots, adorable and otherwise, are just part of the wackiness around the Council.
Categories: Buffy Stories & Crossovers > Avengers Characters: None
Series: HET!
Chapters: 6 Completed: Yes Word count: 110844 Read: 203054 Published: 05/09/2015 Updated: 05/09/2015
Story Notes:
A cute kid for mother's day.

1. Part 1 by Voracity2

2. Part 2 by Voracity2

3. Part 3 by Voracity2

4. Part 4 by Voracity2

5. Part 5 by Voracity2

6. Part 6 by Voracity2

Part 1 by Voracity2
The Babes of the Night.










Darcy Lewis woke up, groaning and holding her head. "Where am I?" She blinked, looking around her room. It had to be her room in her apartment in Queens. How had she gotten here? She had been somewhere weird, but she didn't remember where. She blinked at the hand holding a glass of water, taking it to sip. "What happened?"

"That's what we want to know," Tony Stark said, staring down at her. "You went missing for three days."

She shook her head slowly. "I was somewhere. It was weird. I don't...." She sat up, gulping the water fast enough to choke. "That jackass!"

"What jackass?" Tony demanded. "We found you alone in an abandoned house, Lewis. You're not usually that risky. And while we're at it, how long have you been hiding the baby?"

"What baby?" she demanded, looking at her stomach. "That's new." Tony snorted. "I swear, I was not like this when I went out to get a beer with a college friend who just moved up here." She pushed back her hair again. "I know I should remember. Why can't I remember?" She looked at her stomach again. "That's definitely not something I've wanted or needed or had." She frowned. "I wish I remembered." Someone knocked on the door to the apartment. "That's fantastic," she said. "Who the hell is it?" she called, trying to get up.

Tony pushed her back down and went to answer it. "Do we know you?" he demanded.

"Well, I certainly know your ass, Stark," he said dryly. "Though you probably haven't seen me in two years, since that battle in Pasadena." Stark gaped, staring at him. "I was invoked?" he asked dryly. He walked around the stunned man. "Ah! You're the reason I was invoked from Canada."

"Canada? I was in Canada?" she demanded.

"No, I'm the head watcher in Canada, dear. There's been rumors about you." He sat on the foot of the bed. "I'm Xander. I'm the trainer for most of the slayers and the head guy in Canada. What do you remember of the last five days?"

"One of my college friends just got a job up here. We went out for beers and wings." She frowned, thinking back. "There was a d-bag in the bar who wouldn't leave us alone. We broke up and I got a cab ...I... What rumors?"

He grinned. "First, was the d-bag really pale?"

"You think it was a vampire?" she demanded. Watchers meant demons, usually vampires.

"No, actually I know. The rumors going around are stupidly rampant. The d-bag's name is Joseph. He's a fairly young dickhead of a specific type of vampire." He pointed at her stomach. "They can do that at will. Then they demand the mothers get turned. The kids are never born alive thanks to the turning but that's how they make supposed mates. They wanted you hard." She glared at him. He shrugged. "They can compel you with a long enough touch to your arm to get your mental signature. One almost got a slayer until I blew his head off."

"I..." She blinked hard. "I remember something about an execution day. That's what they called my coming over day. I'm not turned."

"You're not." Xander smiled. "Which is why the rumors are going so hard about you. You made him leave you. We don't know how but he did abandon you, something they never do. Otherwise you would've woken up dead this morning after they removed the fetus." She shuddered. "The good news is that the baby's not going to be some half-breed. It's not going to come out with fangs or anything. And they can't touch the baby after so long after the birth because it'll be its own person instead of part of you. Because until then, the rules of sympathy and contagion work. They can get you back with the baby and start the turning, but not the full thing, by doing it to the baby."

"How do we stop that?" Stark demanded quietly.

"There's a few ways. The only three things the baby will inherit from the demonic virus is that you're due tomorrow or the next day, it's some sort of weird speed healing thing."

"Will that keep going?"

"No."

"So nothing like Bella's little spawn?"

"Nope." He grinned. "Which is always a good thing. If you're going to be a novel heroine there's better ones." She nodded that was true. "Second and third thing, the baby will be a bit better than human normal in some areas like strength. Also, they're going to have a funny diet. Half the ones that have survived have been vegan because if they even smell blood they get sick. The other half seem to crave it from the nipple. Not sure why that happens. I can also tell you it'll be a boy. Every case has been a boy."

"Like the father?" she snorted.

"Even in the one lesbian couple we know about, the baby was a boy. We have no idea how she impregnated her but she was alone and didn't have help." Darcy shuddered. "How clear-headed are you?"

"Not at all. It's like a blanket of cotton balls."

"That's the compelling still working. Which means he's around here somewhere." He looked around the apartment then at her. "Important question, do you want to have the kid here?"

"I... do I want to have the kid," she said.

"I can't make that choice but Willow thinks babies like this could end up killing you if you miscarry. She's not sure why. It's something she skimmed past in a book on magical pregnancies she was looking up for a slayer who wanted to do that instead of finding a doc with a turkey baster." She smiled. "No clue. The book was probably written mid-eighteen hundreds based on how she described the incubation of the baby as it was written. We can try."

She considered it but she didn't want to die right now. "I'd rather not and adopt it out," she said.

"Okay, we can do that." He patted her on the foot. "I'm here to protect you and to protect him when he comes out. Then I get to go back to my exciting life with my own spawn."

"You have a kid?" she asked. He nodded. "Being babysat?"

"Yup, he is." He grinned. "I can teach you how to diaper too if you want." She shook her head with a grimace. "Okay." He looked at Stark, who shrugged. "I can hang protections anywhere." He looked at her. "Up to you."

"I... Jane's going to be really pissed off."

"Too late," Stark quipped. "That's how we knew you were missing." She winced. "Want to come back to the tower? I won't say someone won't say something but we can tell them what's happened."

"I..." She looked back and forth between them.

"Up to you," Xander said. "I can hang up protections anywhere."

She nodded. "Then it's probably safer and we'll have someone to help if he shows up."

"Oh, he'll try," Xander said with a grin. "Like all vamps they're full of ego and think they're hot shit. That's the type that usually get picked, it's not from the demon that turns them." He stood up. "Put on clothes. You'll probably expand at least another two or three inches in the waist by the end." He helped her up and into the bathroom then went to grab his backpack. "Do we have an infirmary or should I find the stuff to help her with the birth?" he asked quietly.

"We have a full infirmary with docs and Bruce."

"Cool." He helped her when she came out, steadying her when she stepped into her shoes and wobbled. "Stark, did you drive? I cabbed."

"I did." He led them down to the stylish sedan, calling home first. "Pepper, it's me. Found Lewis...yes, I know I told you. I have a Watchers Council person with Lewis. We're going to the infirmary. I'll tell everyone what they need to know as soon as she's settled and he's done protections. Thanks." He hung up and drove off into traffic. "At least it's been quiet," Tony quipped. "No attacks or rebuilding recently."

"That is nice," Darcy agreed, looking at Xander. "I remember waking up and beating him when he told me congratulations."

"Yeah, like most young women you probably demanded he use a condom and he didn't. He had to focus specifically on the spell to knock you up. So the compelling had to be pretty strong and probably by him and a few of his buddies."

"Did the rumors say how he got me?"

"Just that he picked you up in the bar."

She shook her head. "We weren't in a bar-bar. We were in a sports bar."

Xander shrugged. "No idea." She nodded, slumping down. "At least it's only two more days," he said quietly. "Not another six months." She nodded. "We'll figure it out and it'll be okay."

"I'm never going to hear the end of this."

Xander made her look at him. "If they yell at you for him doing the psychic version of rophy's, I'll yell back." She smiled. "If they're that uptight you can make them change diapers." She laughed. They pulled into the parking garage and Tony escorted them up to the infirmary. He nodded at the docs. "I'm Xander Harris, I'm the senior field watcher in Canada. She got psychically rophied by a vampire." The docs in there nodded, taking her to a private room to check her over. Xander put up the wards while they did that. He wiggled a finger in his ear when the air pressure made it pop. "Wow, that's cute." He hung up the last one and stood in the doorway. "Darcy, you want to see anyone?" he asked.

"Jane if she runs in."

"Okay." He let the doctors go out. "Two days at the most," he told them. "It's magically caused." They nodded. "Should be standard beyond that."

"The accelerated growth does continue?" one asked.

"No."

"That's fine then." They left the duo alone.

Xander stood guard, glancing back at her. "Try to rest. It'll make the back cramps better." She nodded, shifting onto her side to do that. He closed the room door and sat in front of it, staring at the people moving around the infirmary. He nodded at a woman who rushed in. "Hold up." He stood up. "You're Jane?" She nodded. "Darcy's fine. The specific species of neck sucking fiends magiced her and it." He stared at her. "She's a bit upset." He let her into the room then sat back down.

"Oh my god, you're pregnant!" Jane shouted.

"Again, magiced," Xander called through the door. She opened the door to stare at him. "That species uses a compel link to do things like this then a fairly easy spell during compelled sexual intercourse." He stared at her. "She woke up that way then too, but doesn't remember much of it thanks to the mind whammy."

"Oh, fuck," Jane said, going back to hug Darcy. "We'll figure it out in the next few months."

"Two days," Darcy said. "It's growing really fast. The dad may try to come claim it to get me but that'll only last a few days. Is there a way to guard against that, Xander?"

He looked in there. "From a younger one that's less powerful, yup. From a group, like the rumors stated got you, or a stronger, older one, no. Not really. You can learn how to shield your mind but it's not going to fully keep it out. Make it weaker, yes. Fully gone, no."

She nodded. "Okay." She squeezed Jane's hand. "I went out to have wings with Stacey, who was in my major with me."

"I remember that part."

"There was a slimebag that kept hitting on us at the sports bar."

"Probably him then." She sat beside her, squeezing her hand. "Now what?"

"I don't think I want this kid." She stared at her. "I have no idea. I woke up pregnant. I have almost no memories of the last few days. My head's still full of cotton balls." Jane gave her hand a squeeze. "Now in two days or so I'll have this kid thing to think about."

"We'll handle it." Darcy nodded and relaxed. "Rest. You need to sleep. Maybe it'll bring up more memories. We'll make sure you're not bothered." Darcy smiled. She got up. "Let me go calm Thor down. He's a tiny bit pissed off and he's probably already knocked some holes in the walls up there." She left, going up there.

"So now what?" Steve Rogers said as she walked into the common area. "Is she retiring to be a mother?"

"No," Jane said. "Women can work and have a child. Your mother did, didn't she?" Steve's face went stony. "Not like Darcy asked to have her mind tampered with." She stared at him. "No one asks for that." He sighed and sat down. "Beyond that, Darcy's not sure what she's doing. She woke up this morning without memories and found out she was pregnant. She's really freaked out and her head's not fully right at the moment. So let's cut her some slack for the mind rape. Okay?" she said with a glare for him.

"Sorry," Steve said. "I didn't understand."

"I still don't understand," Tony said. "Thankfully someone sent that watcher guy." Steve stared at him. "Head guy in Canada."

Thor stared at him. "How can we help?" he asked.

"Xander thinks he might try to come back to claim her. Somehow she made him drop her. Otherwise they would've probably turned her last night." Everyone grimaced at that. "So for now, we need to guard her and the sprout when it comes in two days."

"That's fast," Bruce said.

"He said it was part of the magical bullshit stuff," Tony told him.

"I'll see if he knows more," Bruce said, getting up to go talk to him. He had a small booklet on it to answer questions. Apparently it happened infrequently but wasn't exactly rare.

Darcy slept for a bit longer until Xander got her up to eat something. She needed food.

*** (sent to list to here)

Darcy woke up at the feeling of movement around her, glaring around. "Who's there?"

Xander walked in and hit something, making it yelp and let go of the hank of hair charm it held. "Why, hi, baby daddy wannabe."

Darcy got up to hit him until the vampire gave up. "I'm pretty sure even in that state I told you to use a condom!"

"So?" he demanded. "We don't need one! We did just fine! You'll make a great joiner." She hit him a few more times before Xander gently pulled her off him to beat the living crap back into him. "It's not fair! You're not supposed to be here! We'll get your kid just like we did the mother!" Xander broke his jaw for that taunt.

"I doubt that. Especially since she was killed by a war band of Taraka aligned demons," he sneered at the vampire. "Anything else you want to admit to? Since you mind fucked her, she doesn't have the memories. Though thankfully she'll never have to remember touching *you*." The vampire got up and vamped out to attack again. Xander went back to beating him.

Thor stomped in. "Let me," he growled, taking the demon from him. "How dare you show your foul visage here, demon." He stomped off.

"JARVIS, make sure Thor gets to bring him up to the others," Darcy ordered. "That way the creepo vampire can't mind whammy him too." She went to the bathroom.

"I've already made sure of that by emitting a slightly annoying tone that should interfere with his attempts at mental coercion," the AI said.

"Thanks," Xander told the ceiling with a little wave and a grin. "You're really helpful. We need someone like you to nag the slayers."

"That's Stark's AI," Darcy said, coming out of the bathroom drying her hands off. "This is really weird."

"I'm sure it is," he agreed with a smile. "Want to get up and walk around?"

"Am I allowed?" Xander leaned out to look at the doctor on charge, who nodded. He nodded at her. She slid into her slippers and walked off with him following. They went upstairs. "Can I finish him off by throwing him off the balcony?" she asked as they walked into the common area.

"No, Stark beheaded him," Clint Barton said, staring at her. "You good?"

"No but I'll deal. I'm not the first woman in history that got drugged and pregnant." Xander patted her on the arm. She smiled at him. Then at Clint. "This is Xander. He's in charge of the slayers in Canada."

Clint stared at him. "Mr. Harris."

"Hey, archer guy." He grinned at Darcy. "We were after the same target one time. I was there to stop them from summoning the huge thing by sacrificing the whole compound. He came to take out the head guy. Then we got to fight the huge demon together." He smiled at Clint. "I'm doing good protecting her."

"Not much can get in here," Clint said. "How was the one that was following you around?"

"The one that you thought was twelve?" Clint nodded. "She was nineteen."

"So you said."

"About six weeks after that battle I woke up to her climbing in beside me." Clint moaned. "She did some sort of magical marriage thing between us. She...died about a year and a half later but she also wanted a son to carry on her line. He's a bit weird. Hiking across parts of Africa with him in a backpack was weird." Clint nodded a bit.

Darcy looked at him. "You did?"

"She did it to herself. I just had to go along with it since you can't break that sort of bond without killing the one who started it."

She sighed. "That's tragic."

"It happens. Her mother was going to kill her for being a slayer instead of being a proper woman. It got her mom off her back and the hit squad of her uncles back home before I had to shoot another one." He shrugged. "It happens sometimes in the wacky world of demon hunters. Giles just sighed when I made her tell him what she had done."

"You let her?" Clint asked.

"I had nothing to do with it. She knocked my ass out and did it. What did you want me to do? Kill her for it?"

"No," he admitted. "That's weird."

"It's a cultural thing in her case. Real women, even hunters and slayers, had to be married to be a real woman. Otherwise they were just seen as girls who needed to be at home under her father's thumb."

"I guess I can see that." He looked at Darcy. "Want to sit?"

"Bathroom," she said with a grimace, heading for one.

"That'll keep happening," Xander quipped. She grinned at him. "Let me know if another of their group of huge idiots climbs in through the ventilation ducts. That was probably his backup vampire mind fucker." She nodded as she shut the door.

Tony walked out off the balcony. "Darcy?" Xander pointed at the bathroom. "That's fine then. How is she?"

"Quiet," Clint said. "But she'll be okay." He looked at Xander. "Who's got yours?"

"He's being babysat by my second-in-command, who has a broken foot. He's probably taunting her to get up and chase him. He likes to do that to her. That and he likes to try to call the bears who live a few miles away down to play with him. He managed it once while I was grocery shopping. Freaked her out majorly."

Stark shook his head with a sigh. "That's so weird."

Xander nodded. "Often." Darcy came out with a sigh. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty okay." She sat down, staring at Tony then at Clint. "Who else is here and pissed?"

"Cap thought single mothers stayed home," Clint said. "Then Jane reminded him of his mom."

"No, I'm going to be working. I'm not going on the state check." She grimaced, looking at her kid. "If he's not adopted out. Can I do that?" she asked Xander. He nodded. "Will someone take him?"

"Yeah. There's some goth couples who'd love him."

"We're sure it's a him?" Clint asked.

"Every other case of this happening, including with a lesbian couple somehow, came out male." Clint nodded. "So unless it's a specially blessed case, probably."

"So unless it's a slayer," Darcy said with a smile for him.

"If so, we'll introduce her to the two pre-called ones here in town. They're little hell beasts but they won't hurt her or anything. One's five and a half or nearly six. The other's three. She started to growl like the hellhound she had met in the park. Her mother had us come check for a possession." Darcy laughed. "She was pretending but her mom was worried." He looked at the being that got free of Thor and rushed inside. He shot him. "Didn't I say no?" he demanded quietly. The vampire stared at him. "Don't recognize me? I'm sad," he sneered. The demon got up and ran back outside to try to jump off the balcony. "Bye, have a nice trip," Xander called with a wave, putting up his gun. "Not the baby daddy. They can't get that far from the baby until it's turned." He looked at Darcy. "So he was pretending."

"The guy I remember had dark hair but it was pushed back. Maybe a ponytail."

Xander nodded. "Dark haired people outnumber light haired people in the world so you see more of them as vamps too." She nodded once then sighed. Her yelp a minute later brought Jane and Thor both jogging in. "Probably kicked," Xander said. Darcy grabbed Jane's hand to put on her stomach. They shared a look.

Jane grinned. "I can gather evidence for when I decide to have my own kid." Darcy laughed then winced and bent over some. "It's okay, kiddo. We like you."

"Probably a boy," Xander said quietly. She nodded, settling in beside Darcy to comfort her. Steve Rogers walked in and stared then got them some water.

"Thank you," Darcy said.

"Not a problem. Are you okay?"

"The baby's kicking," Jane said with a grin.

Xander looked around then at the ceiling. "Baby daddy may be near then." A vampire came in off the stairwell. Xander moved between them. "She said no."

"So?" he demanded. "I can get visitation."

"I'll have the baby blessed before you get near it," Xander sneered back.

"I can make you move, mortal."

"That's Knight," he sneered. "As in the White Knight of Sunnydale." The vampire snorted. Xander smirked. "Try me, bitch. C'mon." The vampire backed off. Then he lunged. Xander staked him through the eye. It didn't kill him. "Pity you're a beheader. I left my sword downstairs. I guess I can improvise though." He pulled the stake out, making the vampire cry and fall to his knees. "She said no. You should've learned to respect that years ago."

"She'd be the best at hunting for the clan," he said, staring up at him. "We'd never go hungry with her there." Xander stared down at him. "We'll still win. The baby will want blood."

"Not all do. Half turn vegan." He smirked. "Want me to find a sharp and pointy thing?" The vampire got up and tried to stomp off. Clint's arrow lodged in the vampire's back, pinning him to the wall. Xander grinned at him for it. "Not very sporting. I was going to track him back to his group."

"We'll use the next one that shows up for that," Clint said. "Too much risk to Darcy and the baby."

Xander nodded and got handed a larger than average knife from Thor. Xander beheaded him and then looked on as the body turned to ash slowly. Xander cleaned off the knife and handed it back. "Dustbuster?" he asked Tony.

"Closet," he said with a point. "I think."

"The closet's the next door," Darcy said. Xander found it. "I thought them going to dust was a myth."

"Most of the vampires species will go to dust, usually faster than that one did," Xander said. He cleaned up the tiny mess. "The freaky ones are two that won't go to dust even with beheading and one that'll just turn back into a corpse but you have to behead and stake it to kill it." He looked at her as he put up the vacuum. "We keep good track of those for the girls because they're annoying but pretty silent about their group." He sat back down near Darcy. "You okay?"

"I'm fine. Bit of an upset stomach. He's kicking hard again." He reached over to rub her stomach, making her relax. "How do you do that?"

"I've seen nineteen pregnant slayers over the last ten years. My outpost is the most safe so the girls get sent to me for protection." She smiled. He grinned back. "Okay, now what, people? Supposedly the others have left the city and they'd be stupid to try what their cohorts failed. Only a few stayed to try to get her back."

"Do they have an older vampire as head?" Natasha asked.

"Nope. A slayer dusted him a little over a year ago. He held them in some control but now that's gone so they're thinking on their own. At least they put out they were only going to make one new one a year."

"Why would they tell others?" Jane asked.

"Because lesser blood sucking fiends are lesser next to them," Xander said. "These have more powers and therefore more status. Supposedly, well, they'd expect the lesser ones to get out of their way on whoever they chose."

"One new vampire a year isn't a rapid growth and if they went after Darcy because she could flirt her way into food sources then that makes sense," Stark agreed. Xander nodded. "What would they do with the kid?"

"It wouldn't have survived the turning."

"Oh. Never mind." He walked off.

"Though, with the way she was when she was turned, if they were careful removing it, they could've done a different version of the same spell to her again. With her body being locked in whatever state it was when it died...she'd probably have wanted it a whole lot. That one would've been born and raised a vampire, which would've meant a lot stronger of one to take over." Everyone grimaced at that. "There's a few of those around. They tend to respect the humans' right to exist more, but they're a lot stronger vampires."

"I don't really feel flirty right now," Darcy complained. "That wouldn't help them any."

"Second trimester," Jane said. "Even I've heard stories about how horny you get during it." Xander nodded. "Which would've been yesterday?"

"Probably sometime late last night by how far along she is now. So they would've mistimed it some but that's the general idea." Darcy moaned, grimacing and shifting. Xander smiled at her. "It could be a lot worse. There's a clan of these same vampires that takes the pack approach and whoever wins as the baby daddy is the new higher up." She shook her head quickly. "At least these ones were American boys with American ideals about things."

"That's true and probably a good thing." She got up and went to the bathroom again. "I don't like this part of it."

"You need to eat something when you come out too," Xander said. "It's taking a lot from you."

"Yes, dear," she snarked back. Xander just grinned. She came back out to yelling.

"Why didn't you tell us you knocked up one of the slayers?" the redheaded woman demanded.

"Because I didn't. She did it all by herself after magically binding us, Willow," he defended. "And Giles knows. So step off! I'm here guarding someone. They don't need to hear you going off." He stared down at her.

"It's still wrong!"

"Then revive her and tell her that since I was unconscious when she did it, woman!" She huffed. "Go. Away. Not wanted right now."

"It's still wrong."

"Make me smack the living shit out of you," he offered. She flinched back, shaking her head. "You yelling at me about her *magicing* us together in a binding way is really cute. Go away." He pointed. "Now." She huffed but disappeared. "Sorry, that was Rosenburg." He called Giles. "I take it you told Willow finally? I just nearly ripped her head off for her judgmental bullshit, Giles." He listened. "Yeah, they can send him to me. I'm guarding someone from the vampire baby daddy issue. Yes, that one that the rumors are going about. Thanks." He hung up. A few minutes later, a pretty young girl carrying a little boy and wearing a whole leg cast showed up. "Willow?"

"Buffy. Now I know why you didn't tell them."

"I did tell them. They're judgmental bitches." His son laughed and ran over to hug him. "Hey. Daddy's guarding someone. Want to help?" He nodded, staring at him with his big green eyes. Xander smiled. "We've got to do something about your hair. It's getting too long again."

"So?" he demanded. "Like, Daddy." He grinned and waved at the slayer. "Happy times."

"You too, Darrien." She smiled at the others. "He's not much trouble. He's been trying to figure out how to color my cast for the last two hours." She rubbed something around her throat and left.

Xander looked at him. "Markers."

"Not have."

"I know. I put them up on you because she woke up with drawings of kitties on her back the other day." The kid smirked at him. "Guys, this is my son Darrien. I've worked with some of these guys in the past, Darrien. Be a good boy?"

"Yes, Daddy." He looked around, staring at Thor. "Like Buffy?" he asked his father with a point. He was clinging to his shirt in case he was right.

"Well, he's a blond but your Aunt dyes her hair that way, kiddo. Though he is strong like your Aunt Buffy, yeah. That's Thor."

Darrien blinked. "Thor like on altar stones?"

"Yes, like the Thor we saw on the altar stones the last time we went to visit Kierran."

"Oh. That's cool." The baby grinned and waved at him. "Hi."

"Well met."

The boy giggled and looked. "Ooh, baby," he said, staring at Darcy.

"It sure is." He grinned and hugged her stomach, humming to it. "Thanks, kiddo."

He grinned. "It sad." He looked at his dad. "Me?"

"No, it'll be years before you get to be a dad of your own kid."

"Me have?"

"We're not having a baby, dear."

"You have, me have." He grinned at her. "Me be good boy."

"I'm sure you're a very good boy," she agreed with a smile. She petted over his head. "I'll think about flirting with your dad after the baby's born." He giggled and ran back to pounce his dad. "He's cute."

"Some days," Xander said dryly. "Others..... There's days I think Willow accidentally vowed him to a chaos god with hers." The boy grinned. "Did she bring your homework?"

"Oops." He grinned hopefully up at him.

"Get a magazine and read it." He looked and got up to get one, staying far away from the redheaded woman. "She won't hurt you. She's not like Willow. All redheads aren't evil, Darrien," he sighed.

"Bullshit," he said. "Krissy mean too."

"Swearing," Xander warned, staring at him. "And Krissy was drunk, that's why she got to spend the night in the barn."

"Was happy. Goats liked her." He grinned and ran back to sit beside Darcy and read to her. She'd like that and he was really smart. Xander mouthed 'sorry' to Darcy, who smiled back and helped him with a big word. He got up. "What do you want to eat?"

"Something I won't have to pee out later?" Xander smirked but headed to the kitchen to make her food. She looked at the baby. "You're really nice."

"Thank you. Slayers mean I have manners."

"Now if you would use them most of the time," Xander called.

The baby grinned at her. "So boring." She laughed, giving him a hug. They went back to reading. He liked to read. Tony handed him something with math so he read that to her instead. It didn't flow as well but he liked math okay enough. Xander brought Darcy out something to eat, making her moan at the taste. Darrien looked then at his dad. "Mine?"

"You're going to be lucky if I remember to get you veggies tonight, kiddo."

"Cool! I like those!"

"I know you do." Darcy was giggling but the more solid dip with veggies and beans was good with the pita chips he had found in the cabinet. She even shared one with the baby, who hugged her for it. They got Darcy resettled in the infirmary when she wanted to nap and he ordered them dinner. The kiddo would love pizza. He usually did.

***

Xander was humming while sharpening a knife when Darcy woke up with a gasp. "Practice contraction," he said without looking.

"Damn!" she complained.

He grinned up at her. "Basically. Real ones hurt more and last longer."

"Good to know." She got up to go to the bathroom, smiling at the little kid that had fallen asleep on the toilet. "Awww."

"Yeah, I'm letting him nap it out for a few minutes. That way he's less grumpy." He got up to get the kid cleaned up and into a chair to nap. Darcy patted him on the arm before going in to use it herself. Xander went back to sharpening the knife. One of the doctors came in to check her over when she came out and told her she had probably about another four hours before the real labor started. She grimaced but nodded. Xander looked up at her. "At least this isn't like Alien. It won't eat its way out."

"No, it won't," she agreed. "Thankfully." She laid on her side, watching them. Darrien was curled up in a position only kids and cats got into. Xander was making sure all his weapons were good. "Will they try to attack?"

"A few may. It takes five days for the baby to be its own person instead of part of you." He looked at her. "Then it's up to you."

She nodded. "I still don't know."

"I know. It's a tough decision for anyone. Especially when you're in a weird spot." She nodded, relaxing and burping again. He handed her the basket of fries he had beside him, making her grin at them. She nibbled to cure the heartburn and for something to eat. She noticed she had lost a tiny bit of weight. "They can put you on a nutritional drip if you want," he said quietly.

"I hate needles."

"I get that. I really do too."

"What happened with the eye?" she asked with a point of a fry at the eye patch he wore.

"Minion's thumb nail." He looked at her. "He said I'm the one who sees too much." She grimaced. "We stopped him before he got the other." He shrugged. "It made the link so I get visions too. Really not happy making but it happens. It could've been a lot worse."

"I guess."

"Fighting demons is like fighting aliens. They're bigger, often stronger, and they create a hell of a mess when they want to." He looked up at her. "It's also not a job where you expect to retire."

"Why Canada?"

"I really wanted out of Africa. I so wanted out of Africa. I was burnt out. He was almost two. I was ready to light fires to part of the continents. We had just taken down a temple to a hell god, who nicely was taking young people as slaves and priests to use and abuse. I just had a moment of 'I can't do that anymore' and asked to be reassigned after the battle. I almost got put in London. I made it to the airport and started to have a panic attack from all the people. Giles put me in Canada's second largest house, which was outside Vancouver. I took over on the watcher there and we created our own slayer camp and training area. We have a nice self-sufficient farm. We have room for the girls who come up to train or because they need protected. The one earlier was my second-in-command, Eira. Darrien thinks she's his older sister. They're cousins but he doesn't quite get how that works yet."

"How did she get hurt?"

"My former in-laws tried to snatch Darrien. I won't let them see him because of how they treated their daughter like a prize cow to be bred to. They showed up with all the uncles in the family plus guns they somehow snuck in to kidnap him. They recognized her and told her it was good she had taken over her cousin's husband to keep me in the family. I had been out handling an issue on Prince Edward Island. I came back and stomped them so hard their ancestors felt it when they joined them. She managed to keep Darrien hidden for the two days they had them hostage. They ignored the other six girls there for training. Just locked them in the house. That's how I found out. One of the slayers tripped the alarm system trying to get into my weapons closet." He shrugged.

"We held honoring funeral fires for their lives before they became stupid. Eira insisted. The Canadian government stepped in during that part, but wouldn't earlier because it could be demonic and they did not want to know, so we got the ashes sent home. I'm told his great-grandmother was the one the shipping company presented them to with the letter I sent. I wasn't nice and I told her why they had died and why their faulty viewpoints led to him becoming a real thing. She's probably still complaining but oh well." She smiled at him. He grinned back. "I'm not nice to the ones who screw with me. Especially not that way. Eira wanted me to go back to stomp on the rest of them but she was in traction then."

"I can see that point, even without the traction. I'm glad I wasn't born to one of those cultures. I'd hate to be a wife like they are."

"So do most of their women." He grinned. "If I ever get around to finding someone I actually like, they'd have to understand all the wacky that is my life and help me with the girls. Which is why I don't have one."

"I can see that. Dating for regular people is hard enough."

"I'm fully regular but I have a weird job," he said.

"Maybe but most regular people wouldn't be so casual about demon hunting."

"We are our experiences. The same as you're really casual about superheros."

She smiled. "True. I have been since I tazed Thor."

"That's something I haven't done. I stabbed the immortal embodiment of Janus a few times. Once I put a sexual curse on him and sent him to a whorehouse he couldn't use to cure it." He grinned. "The guy bugs the ever living fuck out of me."

"Is he a chaos mage?"

"No. He's a non-magic using priest. Him using a mage would mean they could gather more of his power than he'd want. We'd have a mad god issue. That could kill Janus or any others who do it so they won't." She nodded, yawning some. "Take a nap, Darcy. He'll wake you up when it's time." She nodded, drifting off. This was hard on her body. He went back to checking what he had brought with him.

Clint Barton walked in with two cups of coffee, handing Xander one. "We can watch if you want to rest."

"I'm okay. I've had longer than this during apocalypse time. But thanks." He sipped his coffee, moaning at the flavor. "Beats campfire or fireplace coffee." Clint grinned, settling on the other chair. "She'll be okay."

"We know. Darcy's a strong girl."

Xander nodded. "She is."

"Has she decided if she's keeping it or not? We're holding off on doing baby things until she's sure."

"She might not be sure for a few more days."

"I get that." He sipped his coffee, looking at the sleeping kid. "He looks like he's spent time in a hospital waiting."

"We've visited a few slayers in the hospital. He developed bored now so napping strategies when he was younger and I was hiking part-way across Africa with him in a covered backpack." He looked at his son then at Clint. "He's really good at it too."

"I bet. No driving?"

"One of the bigger things blew up the truck. We hiked back to the nearest slayer house to get another one and more weapons." He grinned. "They weren't happy when we showed back up."

"That means you're effective." Xander nodded, letting Clint stare at Darcy. "Is she going to be okay?"

"Yeah. The baby's taking a lot from her but she'll be fine with a few days of resting and feeding up."

"That's good. What about the baby?"

"Babies are designed to take what they need, even if it does wear down the mom too much. We could probably induce it a bit early. They think she'll be ready to pop in four hours. She's had some practice contractions."

"Then what?"

"If she wants to adopt the baby out, I know a few couples who'd probably love the baby. All kinda goth so the origins wouldn't be more than amusing for them." He nodded. "If not, there's a few higher watchers who are getting ancient but have no heirs. They might. That's a case of 'someone has to carry on the name and title'. Two of them have talked young trophy wives into bed with fat wallets but only one's had a daughter. One may have an illegitimate son somewhere that hates him but who knows. It's something you have to consider when you have things like tittles to pass on."

"That's something I don't have to worry about." Xander grinned. "You?"

"I've got a will to name where he goes. The redhead from yesterday is not on the list. I don't know why she hadn't heard about all that earlier. He's four." Clint grinned. "That was apparently her outraged woman moment of the year. I've been told by the head guy he showed her exactly how Darrien came to be, and how I was unconscious during it, so she has to calm down. If not, we don't really talk anymore because she's judgmental."

"There's an article in the New York Times claiming you raped your slayer."

"Other way around," Xander said dryly. "I'll answer that tomorrow."

"They may not print it."

Xander smiled. "I have other methods." He pulled out his phone. "Mary, Xander. Yeah, I head she's jumped the rope bridge. As you were there can you please put out the truth? I know you're somewhere in a news company. Thanks. I'm a bit busy guarding someone for the next six days." He hung up. "Mary's known to be a slayer by her people. She's somewhere in CNN." He grinned.

Clint shivered. "That might be bad."

"Bad is her family attacked the slayer compound trying to get the kid because I wouldn't let them see him."

"Did you like her?"

"I considered her like a little sister. I didn't *hate* her for doing that. It was the only way to save her life from her uncles, who had been trying to kill her. I got that. I really did. I didn't like it. There for a long time I hated her like hell and resented her using me instead of someone else. I finally justified it so I don't hate the kid. Now I hate that people might use him as a target to get me."

Clint nodded. "I can see that. Sometimes you have to take responsibility for another's actions."

Xander nodded. "Which he is. She did all the mom things while she was alive. Didn't want to let me see him because she knew I'd resent them both. Then she died and I had to step up. We worked it out." Clint nodded again. Xander sipped his coffee, looking up as the doctor came to the doorway. "What's up?"

"We're inducing her early," he said quietly. "Once the baby's strong enough to thrive."

"You'd have to do an ultrasound for that," Xander said. The doctor nodded, coming in with the machine to do it. Darcy moaned as they moved her. "Darcy, it's the docs. They're scanning the kid to see if it's able to come out sooner."

"Okay," she moaned, pushing her hair back. Xander got up to help her.

The doctors found the baby to scan, looking it over. "Little boy as expected. Heart's fully good. Lungs look good. Is the skin a bit thin?"

"A bit translucent usually. It'll get firmer as it gets fed." They nodded. They looked over the scans then came back with an IV. "We're inducing?" They nodded. "Okay." He stashed the baby under the bed. "Stay," he said when his son blinked at him. He nodded and took the book Xander had in his pack to read. Xander moved his stuff out of the way and came over to help her through this. Clint told the others and Jane came down to help her through it. Clint didn't want to see Darcy giving birth.

***

Xander walked off the elevator with the baby in his hands, his son walking with him. They walked out onto the porch area under the stars. He put the baby on a table, chanting quietly over it as he marked it with a vial of oil. Darrien held the baby's hand so he stayed calm and less wiggly. The baby burst out crying then Xander smiled and picked him up. "Welcome to humanity," he said quietly. The baby snuffled. "I know. It's loud and it's colder and it's smelly." He carried him inside.

"I was almost worried you'd do something mean," Stark said quietly, staring at him.

"I didn't when my own had colic so badly it summoned things," he said dryly, shooting him a look. They went back down to the infirmary. Darcy was eating a full meal thanks to Jane nagging. He settled with the baby in his lap. Darcy looked over at him. "He's been properly welcomed and Stark thought I might throw him off the balcony. I told him I didn't when Darrien had colic so badly he summoned things." She ate another bite, staring at him. "Up to you," he reminded her. "I can't make that decision for you."

"Are these a new phenomenon?" Jane asked.

"No, before nuns would catch them and kill them because they had to be the product of demons," he said.

"Oh. That makes sense." He nodded. "How did the mothers get away?"

"They usually escaped. Ran for holy ground to protect them as they had been taught would protect them from demons. A lot of them ended up being talked into taking orders to protect them from the demons coming back because they'd never be safe. It'd endanger everyone if they didn't."

"At least he looks more human now," Jane said. "Unlike those older body models that had the full body in a clear plastic human frame." Xander grinned at her. "He did."

"Yeah, he did." He took the bottle from the doctor, sticking it into the tiny mouth. It wiggled some but ate. "Sure, you inhale that. It's good for you." He looked at Darcy, who wasn't staring at them. "I can start a calling chain."

She nodded. "Please. I don't think I could... If it was just a one-night stand thing that got me knocked up maybe but not... Not with all that."

"Sure." Xander pulled out his phone to send in a report after taking a picture of the baby. "For our records. That way we can keep track of him." He sent out a text message to about ten people. Within an hour he got two turn downs and the others would talk about it. "We'll probably hear tomorrow." She nodded, relaxing and resting again. She was tired. Xander put the baby in the bassinet in the other private area. Clint and the others would guard him for Darcy's well being. Only one older vampire would try for the baby to claim Darcy but Thor dealt with him.

***

Darcy met the new parents three days later, smiling at them and shaking their hands. "Thank you for taking him in."

"It's no problem, sweetie. Our other son is from the same sort of incident," the mother said. Xander walked in with the baby. "Aww. Someone dressed him in lambs."

"Jane, my boss." Darcy took him to kiss on the head. "You be good for them." He wiggled, not real comfortable with her. She handed him over. "We left his name blank on the birth certificate," she said quietly. Xander rubbed her shoulder. "It's not that hard of a decision. He'll be loved for who he'll become. I don't think I could do that." She signed the paperwork and then left them alone.

Xander settled in a chair, staring at the baby then at them. "He's fully healthy. The infirmary at Stark Tower will release his records as soon as your pediatrician calls for them," he said. They nodded and smiled. "His baby daddy is dead. Most of the troupe scattered. His five day limit is tomorrow."

"We talked our daughter into coming with us. Sarabeth will protect him, Xander."

He grinned. "Good. I like that she has sense sometimes." The parents stared at him. "You didn't hear she volunteered for a battle in the Caribbean so she could have some beach time?"

"No," the mother huffed. "I'll nag about that later, Xander." He smiled. "Did anyone else on your list answer?"

"Sven. He still needs an heir." They nodded. "I'd suggest what she did to me but he'd hate the biracial nature of the baby. Thankfully Elizabetta's got the same sort of family title issue so I suggested her. Yet again."

"That may help them both," the father agreed. "Thank you."

"Welcome. Let me go grab Darrien so we can go to a museum. I promised him we would before we left." He stood up. "Have a happy life, little guy. Oh, he hates enfamil. Liked goat milk though." He smiled and left.

The parents smiled at the baby, taking the paperwork with them to their lawyer's office to have it notarized. Then they could take their new son home. Their daughter, who was a mid-level slayer, cooed over him the whole flight home.

***

Xander and Darrien were out at a museum when a reporter found him. He stared at her. "Not near the kid," he said.

"I'm not taking pictures of him, sir. Is what that one slayer said true?"

"Mary? Yeah. She was there. She got evacuated to my training team because her parents were trying to kill her for being called to duty." He shifted, glancing around then at her. "Mary saw it all and witnessed the rite I was unconscious for. She's the one who told me about it when I woke up." He looked at his son then at her again. "I resented her for it, but it ended up saving her because her uncles couldn't kill her after she was married."

She grimaced. "Like an honor killing?"

"No, like girls who weren't married were girls. You didn't reach womanhood until you were married. Girls were under their father's thumb. Or in her case her mother and uncles. They had already tried to kill her once and I had to stitch closed a bullet hole in her arm." She winced. "She did it to save herself and I wasn't against that part, I just wanted her to use someone other than me."

"So you took custody of the baby?"

"She barely let me see him when he was born. She was all 'I made the baby on purpose and I'll take care of it'. Then she got killed by the Order of Taraka's assassins."

"Are they like an assassin's guild?"

"Both demon and humans."

"Oh." She nodded. "So you're a widowed father."

"I have been for over two years." He smirked a tiny bit. "He drives me nuts but he's my kid so I'll take care of him." He looked down. "Right?" Darrien grinned and nodded. "Apparently Willow hadn't read that report and didn't bother to read most of it. She went on a swearing fit while I was up here guarding someone. Usually I'm the head watcher in Canada."

"That's chilly up there," Darrien told her.

"I'm sure it is," she agreed with a smile. "She's tried to apologize."

"To you," he said dryly. "Not to me or him." He shrugged. "She's been like that forever. You just deal with her bs and move on."

She nodded. "I can see why. Now what? Are you dating?"

He shook his head. "Most people can't live in our lives. That's why way too many of the slayers are single." He shrugged. "If I find one, great. If I don't find one, I have dates. The slayers love to babysit him because it means no other chores around the compound." He smirked as they walked off. "Thank you for asking instead of assuming."

"Thank you for answering questions and not shooting at the reporters this time, Mr. Harris." She ran off to post that. Her editor was pleased he had answered her as well.

Xander looked at his son and shrugged. "Sometimes you have to let the reporters do their jobs. It's easier than me repeating the same thing over and over." His son hugged his leg. "C'mon, we'll go look at art. Then you can write a report on it for Uncle Rupert."

"Yay," he said flatly. "Can't we just enjoy the art?"

"Sure, we can enjoy the art but you know he'll ask."

"Point." They walked off together, talking about the artwork. The modern art that was all splotches became a game of 'what is that' but the other people in the museum just smiled at them being cute.

***

Darcy came out of the infirmary after a week, flopping down beside Jane on the couch. "I'm better and not hungry."

"That's good." She looked at her. "You okay otherwise?"

"Yeah. I've been talking to Bruce about the compelled stuff. I know it wasn't my fault."

"Good. Do we need to find a counselor for you?"

"No. Xander left me a few names if I wanted them." Jane nodded. "I don't know. Stacey, I checked on her and she's fine. Didn't even realize I had been snatched from the sports bar." She leaned on Jane's arm. "I'm okay though."

"Good." She patted her on the hand. "Want to watch some tv?"

"I've been mainlining netflix while eating." They grinned at each other. "Lab time?"

"Sure. Lab time." They got up and went down to the lab to get to work. Jane had stayed out of the lab so she could visit Darcy all the time. It was good to get them back to normal.

Stark stepped in a few hours later, handing Darcy something. "Emergency switch. You should've had one already and we didn't realize you didn't."

She looked at it then at him. "It needs a cover. That way it doesn't go off in my pocket."

"Point," he agreed with a smile. "You can put it inside whatever you want." She hugged him. "You better?"

"For once I'm not really hungry." He laughed but let the ladies deal with things. Darcy found a way to put it into an older pepper spray holder she used for her keys. That worked and she put it back into her bag. Right on top with her keys. Jane handed her stuff to correlate for her so that was handy too. She could get back to closer to normal. Even when she wanted to go out to a restaurant for dinner the first time, someone decided to go with her. Clint was sweet about it too.

***

It took six months for something huge to happen in New York. Thankfully Darcy was safely in a room at the tower with Jane. They had it on tv, but they were safe. The superhero squad wasn't safe. Then the slayers showed up with Xander in charge and it was nasty on a whole new level. Other slayers popped in and Buffy took control of the slayers but Xander still gave field orders. They glared at each other once but he pointed and the slayers went to follow his orders instead of hers. Which worked easier anyway. Finally the stupid robots and the stupid kinda alien things were dead, or at least down and begging to be dead. Xander checked his girls over, sending most of them home and a few to the ER. Two pouted but oh well. Buffy and the other one had to go get it treated. Then he looked at the guys and shook his head before hiking off with a wave. Darcy looked at Jane. "He's like Thor light."

"Without the hammer but with a battle axe," Jane agreed. "And no godly aura."

"Or cape," Darcy said. Jane laughed, hitting her on the shoulder. They saw something appear behind Xander and lunge for him. Stark yelled, firing on it as it tried to hit Xander with the knife. Xander turned and it hit him on the shoulder but he still took a swing with his axe. They fought and it was nasty. Xander got a lot more cut up. Clint's arrow only injured the demon. Apparently it died specifically some other way. Stark shot it a few times. Nope, didn't kill it. Hulk didn't kill it when he hit it. Xander called out something and his axe glowed then he beheaded it. He panted, leaning on the handle. "I'm guessing he blessed it?"

"Or someone did," Jane agreed. "They don't look pleased." She called Stark. "What happened?" She listened. "He called out for a chaos god and Loki."

"Well, he was a chaos god," Darcy agreed. "Who's that guy that just appeared?"

She listened. "The immortal embodiment of Janus. Stark said he's joking that some day Xander will be on his side." They saw Xander blow a kiss to him then disappear thanks to a witch. Jane hung up. "The guy who's a walking version of Janus said that Loki's immortal embodiment is presently penned up because all the others of them were mad about the invasion but Xander's axe was originally blessed to him."

"Awww. That's freaky."

"Yeah, it is." They shared a look then the AI let them out. "Thanks, JARVIS. Any damage?"

"Not much beyond a few cracked windows this time," the AI told them. "Though I do see some Council people still at the battle site to clean things up and one being huffy."

"Is she a redhead?" Darcy quipped.

"Indeed," he said dryly. "Now I can see why his son was scared of redheads." The girls laughed, going up to fix food for the heros. They'd need to eat.

Stark landed first and let the machines take off his suit, coming down the stairs from the porch area. "At least he didn't really want Loki, just his power," he complained.

"If you're looking for a chaos god, he's a great one," Darcy quipped.

"Yeah, his mind was full of chaos." He took the water Jane handed him to gulp then another bottle. "Thanks, ladies." He walked off. "Steve's huffy."

"Great," Jane agreed. They watched as the others walked in. Steve Rogers was still huffy. Jane handed him water too. "If it was blessed to his name originally wouldn't that matter?"

"I guess," he complained. "I still don't like that. And why is one walking around?"

"Because Loki himself can't," Thor said. "A mortal embodiment is a way for those with power to gain extra. That one does rites in their names to send extra energy their way. Though it can harm them to take the living embodiment out." He accepted his bottles of water from Darcy. "Thank you, Lady Darcy."

"Welcome, Thor." She looked at Steve. "It's like being sworn to Thor. If you're sworn to Thor, you call on Thor for strength during battles instead of one of the others like Tyr."

"I didn't think about that. Then what about the guy to Janus?" he asked.

"He probably likes him," Jane said. "It looked like he was flirting."

"Yes it did," Stark said as he came back up. "And he does. I emailed Harris at his known address and that's what he said. The axe was originally blessed for use by a guy who was the physical embodiment of another chaos god. He said the one to Janus considers him great fun because of the run-ins he's had with Janus' people in the past. And yeah, if he's asking for it to be a blessed weapon he has to start with the one it was originally blessed to. Who is gone. So Loki was the next up."

"That makes sense," Clint agreed.

"Still sucks," Steve said. "They're chaos gods."

"Yeah, but sucks is that chaos gods really like Xander," Darcy said. "They've helped him a few other times too from what's on his publically known profile." Steve grimaced. "Some guys, like you, bring order. Some guys like Xander bring more chaosy order to the world."

"The girls could use some battle training from someone who knew strategy," Steve said.

"I think they know plenty," Darcy said.

Thor nodded. "That's not an unheard of strategy and sometimes you can't really be orderly in a battle. What they were doing worked, even if that blonde slayer didn't think so."

"That's Buffy, the senior slayer," Darcy said. "I did a poli sci paper on her at Culver, and I looked up more information after Xander helped me."

Steve nodded. "Still seems a bit wild."

"Then again, he's not military," Clint reminded him. "He's the trainer for a lot of young women who have skills they aren't sure they want."

"Point." He walked of sipping his water.

Darcy knew it was her fault. Everything had changed around the tower after she had gotten compelled by that stupid vampire. She went back to cooking, smiling when Jane joined her. They guys would need more than the snacks they had put out.

***

Stark spotted Steve rooting in the refrigerator later on. "They did up the leftovers."

"I'm not hungry for that. Just wanted a sandwich."

Stark slammed the fridge door shut, staring at him. "It's really shitty that you're blaming her for being attacked," he said quietly. "And yeah, she's noticed."

"She...."

"Got. Attacked. Was raped in fact since they had the spell over her whole mind. You forgave Clint for taking out a good portion of the helicarrier while he was under the same sort of control and yet your double standard states that she's supposed to be stronger?" He stared at him. "It's shitty and it's wrong."

"She..."

"She went out with a friend. The same as you've done a number of times I'm sure."

"I can protect myself."

"Really? From someone touching you?" Steve glared. "That's all they had to do. I asked him for the books on that species and they gave me copies of them if you'd like to read them. Even if one of us had been there, it still could've happened. That sports bar has a whole bunch of officers who work there as a second job and a lot more that hang out there. I'd like to see what you do under that sort of compulsion." He walked off.

Steve glared at his back. "I don't think she asked for it, Stark," he complained.

"You sure don't show it, Rogers, and I'm pretty sure that everyone hates that about you." He went back to his lab. He checked the security camera feed to Darcy's off-tower apartment. She was safely in front of the tv right now. Though she didn't look happy. Maybe he could help her get a bit better. She hadn't hardly done anything but work and home since then. Not that he blamed her. The one time she had went out to dinner, Clint had went with her. Maybe he should try the same thing. It could make her happier at least.

***

Stark walked into Jane's lab the next day, patting Darcy on the arm. "I'm going out to dinner tonight on orders of Pepper because there's been rumors I was really hurt in the last battle and I'm hiding them so people don't panic. Would you ladies like to come with me?"

Darcy looked at him. "Is this like 'let me go to dinner with you'?" she asked quietly.

"Nope. I wanted to talk fascinating things with Jane and you bring your own version of that. Plus it means that Pepper can't complain because no one thinks I'm stepping out on Pepper. If it was just me and Jane, they'd assume and piss her off." Darcy and Jane both smirked at him. He smiled back. "Beyond that, I need to go somewhere less high class. I'm tired of filet mignon. Let's get burgers and fries."

"I can do that," Jane agreed. "Are we bringing Thor?"

"I'm pretty rich but I don't think I could afford Thor drinking the whole bar dry," he said dryly. She laughed. "So, let's say we go out together. Bruce could come."

"You three will spend all night talking science," Darcy said. "And with Bruce you won't need a third."

"Nah, Bruce doesn't talk science with Jane or me. He said our fields are too different." Jane nodded. "Please? You can be the designated driver if you want."

She snorted. "That should probably be Bruce."

"Yeah, maybe," he agreed. "He's a tea totaler now. He said the Big Guy really likes Heineken though."

"I'll remember that the next time he's trying to calm down," Darcy quipped. "You don't need me."

"Bullshit, I want you there." He smirked. "Who else is going to remind us there's limits to the universe."

"Uh-huh." She stared at him. "It's sweet but I'm good, Stark. Thanks."

"Nope, not taking no for an answer." He grinned. "You could still use some feeding up. You still look underweight." She rolled her eyes as she walked off. "Hey, I'm a guy, I look, and while looking I noticed those jeans used to be tighter on your firm ass." She stared at him. He grinned. "No one ever said I didn't look. Pepper lets me look all I want as long as I don't want one. Though, I learned my lesson there. The last one of those was Natasha."

"Bring Natasha."

"She'll try to poison my drink. I'm pretty sure she still blames me for something I haven't done yet." He put his hands on his hips. "C'mon, you know you want to go get a beer."

"Maybe but talking science all night isn't my thing. Remember, I'm the intern, not the geek."

"Uh-huh. Yapping is all I hear. Get pretty. We'll go out to Hooters or something."

She snorted. "Hooters, with Bruce? I think he'd complain," Darcy shot back.

He grinned. "Bruce likes breasts. Look at Betty." He walked off. "Six."

"Fine," Jane sighed, looking at Darcy. "You could probably duck out early."

"Maybe," she agreed with a sigh at the end. She went back to filing things for Jane.

Jane watched her then got back to work. Darcy was still missing some of the life in her life. She wasn't as peppy anymore, which she fully understood but maybe it'd help her heal a bit more.

***

Stark looked around the bar then at the ladies. "At least they serve food here." Bruce walked in and sighed at the crowded bar. "C'mon, Brucie, it'll be okay. Like back in college only these people have jobs instead of tests." They found a table in the back and ordered food and beers. Darcy got an outside seat, with her back to the room, but Bruce had the other outside seat because he was still paranoid. Darcy smiled when the waitress brought their beers and burgers, then left. She dug in, eating while the others talked science. She stared at them. "What about the laser stuff, guys? Can't we find a way to use one in the field yet?" she asked to make them change the subject since Jane sounded unhappy.

"We have some that'll do light things but not like a laser pistol. Which was a boyhood idea I really wanted to have happen," Tony said. "I really wanted Han Solo's laser pistol." They all grinned at him. "I haven't worked on that idea in a few years though. Lasers have come a long way since the last time I tinkered with them." He looked at Bruce.

"Laser applications never really got me but they seem neat in the movies. Can we make one that's like that?"

"Some are realistic," Darcy said. "They run out of charge at the wrong moment." She felt someone staring at her neck and glanced around. No one she could see. She looked at them again. Bruce was staring at someone so they bugged off. She patted him on the hand. "Thanks."

"Welcome." He looked at Tony. "If you could, Clint might kiss you for it."

"That could be fun," Tony quipped. Jane snorted some of her beer up her nose since she had been taking a drink. "What about you, Jane? Lasers?" he asked once she had quit choking.

"I was always into the pretty theoretical stuff, Tony. Nothing that practical caught my attention."

"Radiation was my first love," Bruce agreed.

"I thought that was Betty," Tony teased.

Bruce swatted him on the arm. "No, I loved radiation before I ever met Betty." They got down to talking about practical science fiction from movies. That was more inclusive and they all had ones they sneered at and some that were so bad they were amusing.

"Country music killing martians," Darcy put in.

"Well, it kills me too," Bruce admitted, cracking the others up. "Not sure if it was the pitch of the notes or what. Maybe it was the depressing parts that did them in. I haven't seen Mars Attacks in quite a while."

"That should be our next movie night then," Stark said. "I'm sure Thor would like the ideas about Martians."

"I'd rather have them be six-foot something studly mice with motorcycles like on that cartoon," Jane said. Darcy burst out giggling. "What? It was on when I got up for a class." Tony looked that up on his phone then burst out laughing. "Exactly. Though country music might've killed them too. They were more heavy metal."

"I can see that." Stark put his phone up. He looked toward the door. "Is that our missing teammates I spy, Bruce?"

He looked and nodded. "At least Natasha and Steve. No sign of Clint." They shared a look and waved them back.

Natasha smiled, making sure she didn't block anyone's escape route. "We did not expect you here."

"We came out so Tony could prove he wasn't injured and so they could talk science," Darcy quipped. "I'm just here for the window dressing."

Steve shook his head. "You know a lot of stuff, Darcy. Or else you wouldn't be able to keep up with Jane in the lab." He was almost blocking her easy exit but was half out of the way. It looked unintentional with the way Natasha was squarely in the middle of the table. "Were you guys going anywhere from here? We just stopped in for a burger on the way to a check in for a mission."

"Not at the moment," Stark said. "No plans of it." They nodded and left to make orders and leave again. He looked at Darcy. "If he creeps you out, let us know," he said quietly, staring at her.

"He doesn't. He hasn't let himself be in the same room I'm in if I'm the only one in there since then." She sipped her beer.

"That's wrong of him," Jane said.

"I'm guessing it's the old fashioned thing," Darcy said. "Or he thinks I'm a liability or something." She shrugged. "I can't change his mind and really, he didn't like me that much before then. He almost avoided me because I'm not some quiet person and I talk a lot."

Jane hugged her. "The rest of us adore you." Darcy punched her on the arm. "Fine. Be that way then."

Darcy grinned. "Yes I am." Bruce got up. "I can go pick up the next round, Bruce."

"No you can't. Stark's glass weighs a ton." He gathered them up and took them up to the bar to get.

"I'm not that fragile anymore," she told Tony quietly.

"I know. We all know. You managed to come back to work. That was when you quit thinking you were fragile." He stared at her. "All guys do this stuff. Someone missed sending the uptight brigade the memo but most guys are like this. Pepper got mugged and I didn't let her go anywhere by herself for six months, and we weren't dating then. She was barely my PA, back when she barely put up with me." He grinned. "Thor was all for finding a warrior who'd follow you around to protect you."

"I talked him out of it because it'd make you paranoid," Jane agreed.

Darcy hugged her then leaned across the table to hug Tony. "Thanks, guys." They nodded. Bruce came back. "And thank you for being a nagging friend too, Bruce."

"You're welcome. Don't hug me. I'm sweaty. Stark's like a heat source tonight."

Stark checked his forehead then shrugged. "No fever so maybe you're just reacting to how sexy I am, Bruce. That does mean I'm hot." He took his beer with a grin to sip.

"Bad pun," the girls said together. He just smirked at them and they got back to movie science BS. They were down to B movies within a few minutes but Swamp Thing and the Toxic Avenger movies were a topic unto themselves when Darcy added them. Someone came up to flirt with Bruce but he politely brushed them off. The woman gave Darcy a stare before walking off.

"That was weird," Jane said.

"I didn't recognize her," Darcy said, looking back at her then at the others and shrugging. They finally left and the guys walked out first, talking about Tony's next car purchase. She and Jane were behind the guys. Darcy felt someone following them and glanced back then got out of the way.

The pretty woman smiled. "What's wrong? Not ashamed to be seen with my sort of vampire, Mother?"

"I'm not turned and I'm not a mother," Darcy said. The vampire looked so confused. Stark shot her and turned her to dust. "Great," she said, looking at the guys. "Any idea?"

"No clue. We can write Xander to see if he's heard," Bruce said, taking her arm to walk off with her beside him. Stark was guarding Jane. Clint walked past them and grabbed Darcy, walking her back there. "Um, Barton?" Bruce asked, turning to follow them.

"The rest of the clan's back there and we can use them staring at Darcy to find out what the fuck is going on since Nat said a troupe of vampires just attacked her and Steve."

"Technically they're called a basement of vampires according to an online listing of collective nouns," Bruce said as they followed them. "Though I've always heard clans used in popular literature."

Tony looked at him. "Really?"

"The same graphic said a group of geniuses is called a quiver." He grinned. "It's a cackle of mad scientists and an industry of villains."

"The shit you find online," Darcy mumbled. Clint laughed and nodded. "Since it's a quiver of geniuses, do you have a spare one to stuff them in? Or would that make you the genius wrangler."

He smirked at her. "I think that's your job, not mine, and my quiver's not that big. No matter which woman tells you otherwise." She laughed. They came back to the bar and a few vampires watched them. "Darcy, just one drink?"

"I guess. Not like it'll hurt me."

"Here, Mother, let me get the door," one said, not looking at her chest or her face.

"How do you know who I am?" she asked.

"Um, everyone knows they were going to bring you over to be their new huntress. That you managed to have a live baby instead."

Darcy stared at him. "The baby daddy is dead and the baby's been adopted."

He shrugged. "They'll be fine. I'm sure the Knight made sure of it."

"You know about Xander?" Tony asked casually.

"Many of us know about the Knight. We respect the crazy white guy thing he has going on. He's the only one I know of who brought a sword to a fight that took bombs." He smiled. "We all like to watch him." He looked at Darcy. "We mean no disrespect."

"I'm still really freaked out by that stuff. I mean, totes freaked."

The vampires nodded. "At least they didn't turn you. Though you would have made a fantastic huntress for any clan," another said, moving closer to sniff her. "You still would. If you ever want to be turned...." He smiled and they walked off before Tony could grab them. Clint captured one. "We're good," that one said from farther up the block.

"One of you came after the Black Widow," Clint said with a smirk. "Why?"

"She'd make a fantastic huntress too and the other one has faster healing so he'd be a great feeder." He nodded quickly then turned and ran.

Clint looked at that vampire. "Let's go talk." He burst out crying. "I'm not going to torture you. If you need to be tortured, that's Natasha's job." He walked him off.

Tony casually took Darcy's arm and walked her off. "Let's leave him with the messy work. You okay?"

"Just...confused."

He nodded. "If all they were looking for was someone alluring to draw in prey you probably could do that." She looked at him. "I know but most people don't look past the boobs to see the brains, Lewis."

"I know. It sucks sometimes but I know." She looked at Jane. "You okay?"

"I'm fine. Bruce?"

"Bit freaked out but fine." They went back to the tower and found Natasha there calling someone. "Barton captured one of that clan or whatever."

"I've heard. I've pointed out I'm flattered but I do not wish to be any more mystical than I already am." She looked at Darcy. "Are you well?"

"They kept calling me Mother and were really respectful." She flopped down on the couch. "They wanted me to bring in prey. You too and Steve would make a great feeder because of his healing gifts."

Natasha nodded then sighed and shook her head. "He would, yes. That's very tactical of them but I doubt they could eventually turn him." She walked off. "I'm making coffee."

"I'm full," Stark said. "It was a good burger and beers." He sat down in his usual chair, rolling his head around. "JARVIS, upload that file for Pepper please?"

"I've already done so, sir."

"Your phone?" Jane guessed, sitting beside Darcy.

"Yup. Just in case any of them showed up."

"I'm pretty sure the guy I caught staring at her might've been but I scared him off," Bruce said, leaning on the back of the couch. "He was pale and looked stupid."

Jane patted him on the arm. "Not all vampires are stupid. Them wanting Natasha and Darcy proves they have some tactical thought."

"Must not be minions," Darcy said. "Xander said minions were the stupid ones."

"They are in science too," Tony quipped. "Though I hate that analogy now that I've made it."

"You guys do suck the knowledge from things," Darcy joked with a grin for him.

"Yeah, but I don't see myself as a knowledge vampire. That'd bite."

"Especially in theoretical physics," Jane agreed with a smile. "Nothing to bite on. We have to make up our own food as we go along."

"You guys do treat the weak scientist wannabes like candy when you chew them up and spit them out," Darcy said.

Bruce nodded. "They're chewy but filling." Tony laughed.

"You guys are weird," Steve complained, getting up and walking off. He went to his room and laid down on his couch to consider things for a bit. He hadn't fought vampires before. He needed to know about what they could do. He sent an email to Xander Harris to see if he could get him what he needed to know. It didn't take long before he got an official list by species of their strengths and weaknesses plus rating against a normal person's speed/strength. He was going over when he heard the others go to their rooms. Jane's room was up from his and he heard the girls walking past his door talking about lab stuff.

He was reading up on the different species on the links Xander or whoever had sent him when he heard someone crying. He listened, staring toward Jane's room. Definitely in there. He got up and went to the door, looking up the hall. No one in it. He casually strolled up the hallway. The crying was coming from there. Then a scream and the sound of someone falling off something. He knocked. Darcy padded out looking like a sweaty mess. "Everyone all right? I heard the scream," he said quietly, staring at her.

"Just a nightmare. Thanks, Steve." She closed the door and went back to the couch. Jane came out to cuddle with her. "Thank you," she said quietly.

"Finally getting memories?"

"Just some flashes and probably stuff my mind's making up to fill in the blanks." She rested against Jane's shoulder. "I'll be okay."

"Not the point." She looked at her. "Have you talked to anyone?"

"No. I don't want to hear about vampires and all that from a therapist."

"Didn't Xander give you names that could work with you?"

"Yeah but I don't...it's not my thing."

"Okay. Just let me know when you want to talk." Darcy nodded, yawning and drifting off again. Jane stayed with her because it'd mean fewer nightmares. They should've kept Darcy here at the tower instead of letting her go home by herself. She'd talk to her about it in the morning.

***

Darcy had managed to duck out of the big talk about her moving by not being there in the morning. She had went out for coffee and found others in the tower were already out. Clint grunted at her as she slid past him at the closest coffee shop. She looked up at him. "Up all night?" He nodded, moving up to take his cup of coffee then he grunted again before leaving. She heard Bruce's name called and looked, finding him waiting on his tea. She smiled at him as she grabbed her own order and headed back out to the lab. She had things she had to get done.

Natasha scowled at her when they crossed paths in the lobby. "You had to go out for coffee?"

"If I want to be awake enough to make more, yes." She sipped. "I ran into Clint and Bruce. They both grunted."

"That explains why Clint looked like he was in a foul mood, he was up all night." The assassin sighed a tiny little sigh. "I'll deal with him later, after he drifts off on the archery range." She put in her ear phones and headed out for a run.

Darcy went up to the lab to get to work. Jane was still probably asleep. She had time to get things straightened up and make breakfast for her. Tony strolled in, taking her coffee to sip. "Hey! I don't want to share mouth germs with you!" She took her coffee back. "You should know better than to steal coffee."

"I couldn't use the pot in the communal kitchen. Rogers is hogging it."

She snorted, shaking her head. "He doesn't drink coffee."

"He was up most of the night."

"Him and Clint."

"Oh, great. So of course today something's going to attack," he complained. "Don't you guys have your own coffee pot?" He looked around. "Where's your microwave and fridge?"

"That's in your lab, not in our lab."

He looked at her. "Bullshit! Bruce has it in his too!"

"Bruce may've imported his own. Jane just brought the stuff she cobbled together." She pointed at it. He didn't look. She smiled. "Scared of it?" She finished her coffee and tossed out the cup.

"All the duct tape blinds me," he shot back sarcastically. "Let me talk to Jane about upping all this so it's at least functional and getting you guys the basics in here." He walked off to do that. Jane was barely stumbling toward the kitchen. "Rogers made coffee."

"Crap," she muttered.

He stared at her. "Why didn't you buy a coffee maker for your lab?"

She scowled. "I had more important things to buy, and Darcy to finally pay."

Tony shook his head. "Would you like some help updating stuff, Jane?"

"Don't mock me."

"I'm not. I'm making it so you can have your own little microwave and coffee maker and fridge like Bruce does."

"I have pop tarts."

"Thor stole the last of the pop tarts before he had to go home. JARVIS, do we have pop tarts?"

"They're on backorder with the grocery we use. They're due in later today, sir," the AI said.

Jane scowled at the ceiling. "Why?"

"The warehouse they ship out of had a fire," the AI said. "It had to come in from farther away."

"Oh. I guess that makes sense," she complained, staring at Tony. "That's not in the contract."

"Reasonable use of materials is and we all live on coffee, Jane. Part of your yearly grant budget is for coffee. And pop tarts if you want to splurge."

"What yearly grant?" she demanded. "That wasn't in the contract either."

"Yes it was. J, pull up a virtual screen with her contract and find out where her yearly grant payment is." A virtual screen popped up with a picture of an envelope on a table and the contract. He pointed. "See, reasonable accommodations for scientific necessity and investigation. IE, coffee budget." He stared at her. "Let's go find that check and then we'll let you and Darcy go buy stuff for your lab."

"She needs to move. She had a nightmare," she said quietly.

"I heard. We all heard. Though it probably wasn't why they were up all night." She grimaced. "If she wants to move into the tower all she has to do is ask."

"No, she doesn't," Darcy said. "I'm not an Avenger or girlfriend of an Avenger and this is Avenger tower. All the other lab grunts live elsewhere too." She stared at Tony. "You're sweet. Thank you anyway." She smiled.

"Fine. Take your yearly grant payment and go buy yourself a coffee maker." She nodded, walking Jane off. "Get the poor woman some pop tarts too."

"Of course. Who do you think introduced Thor to them," she quipped with a smirk back at Tony. "Jane basically proclaimed it the food of the gods and indulged his wanting a taste." She got them onto the elevator and down to the front lobby. "Bank?"

"Bank," Jane agreed. "Coffee. Rogers makes terrible coffee."

"Yes he does." She took Jane up to the coffee shop, letting Jane pay for it. Her card declined so Darcy paid for it. "You can pay me back later," she quipped. "After we go straighten out the bank. With your luck, someone stole your identity and was kidnaped for your work," she said with a cheery smile.

Jane sipped her coffee. "If so, I get to laugh." They went to the bank, where someone had closed out her account on her. They went to Darcy's bank, who was more than happy to set Jane up with a new account and let Darcy take some of her savings out to pay for things Jane would pay her back for. Mostly a coffee maker, some coffee supplies, and pop tarts. Plus a toaster. Jane did like them warm sometimes. Then they went back to the lab to make a little coffee corner for the poor, soon to be overused machine. The lab was a mess but that was about usual. The papers and machines could make way for a coffee making friend.

***

Darcy leaned into Stark's lab. "Got ten?"

"Hopefully. Unless the world ends in a few minutes." He turned to look at her. "What's happened? I saw where that was deposited."

She brought in the forms the bank had given Jane. "I made a joke at the coffee shop about someone stealing her identity and then getting kidnaped for her research."

"Are you psychic?" he teased with a smirk.

"I hope not. It sounds like it sucks."

He took the papers to read, frowning at it. "That's weird."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Especially since I don't think Jane's ever been to Ecuador. So how is her passport down there with someone who looks like they worked for SHIELD since I saw him New Mexico?"

"How is he using a female's passport," he said. "Huh. Have you told anyone else?"

"Nope," she said. "Figured I'd start with you."

"Sure. Let me tell others. Thanks, Lewis."

"Thank you for letting us buy a coffee maker. Jane's really happy." She left so he could call in the others.

Tony was smirking when the team assembled. "Lewis made a joke earlier about someone stealing Jane's identity and then getting kidnaped to get her research. Instead it looks like someone who may have been SHIELD did it." He let them see it. "She said she recognized him from New Mexico?"

"Yeah, he was one of the backup agents," Clint said, staring at the forms. "How is he using a female passport?"

"The better question is why is he in Ecuador," Natasha said. "There's no former SHIELD facilities down there. Can we track where he's been?"

"Panama and Germany," Tony said. "JARVIS looked it up while you guys were assembling." He looked at them. "So....."

"That's really a weird spot. There's nothing there," Clint said. "Nat, can you pull up the old files?" She nodded, getting into the files from SHIELD's former database. Nothing in that area of Ecuador. "Any idea?"

"Any other agencies or groups that could have one?" Steve asked. "Why would they want to kidnap Dr. Foster?"

"Because she's working on getting the Bifrost back open," Tony said. "Which, ya know, led to the invasion and that stuff." He stared at him. "If they can do that, then they can invade Asgard or bring someone like Loki here again."

"Someone with Jane's skills would be wanted to work on other theoretical applications as well," Natasha said. "It may not be her area of expertise but she has the skills to take over high particle physics research and other areas. We've had tabs on her loosely since college, and more tightly since Thor landed in front of their van. There's a host of people who could use her even if it's not her area."

"The same reason they'd want me," Tony said. "Not for physics but for engineering things." Natasha nodded. "Which is why I'm happy she's safely here now."

Clint grimaced. "If it's safe here."

"Should be," Tony said, looking at Natasha. "Anything on the area? Or you, JARVIS?"

"Two things, sir," the AI said. "One, there's a classified file from the local version of the FBI down there. That links back to a file reported on for the Watchers Council. Their system is full of holes and it's very easy to hack."

"Which means no one wants to take out one of the slayers," Clint said. "I asked."

"I guess that makes sense. The government doesn't need to take a bigger approach to bothering them, they can already see all their files," Tony said. "I'd hate it."

"Me too," Natasha agreed. "What was it? Why would it relate to Dr. Foster's work?"

"There's apparently a temple with a gateway of some sort," the AI said. He pulled up that report. They read it and Steve was grimacing. "I'm not sure if her area of expertise would relate to that."

"Yeah it would," Bruce said. "Can you get Jane and Darcy? Is someone using Darcy's passport, JARVIS?"

"No, hers has a special lock on it by Agent Coulson."

"From New Mexico?" Clint asked.

"No, his name was signed to it but it was within the last six months."

"Impossible," Stark said.

Darcy and Jane walked in. "Did we figure it out?" Darcy asked.

"Why did Agent Coulson lock your passport? Is it a non-use one, JARVIS?"

"No, it's a monitored one, sir, and it was done approximately two months ago. The ISP of the digital order was from a mobile command center."

Clint stared at the screen. "That's got to be a really good forgery. That's his signature."

"Where is said mobile command plane now?" Natasha asked calmly.

"Canada. It's landed and it looks like it's grounded at the moment. In storage."

Darcy cleared her throat. "I got told that they put a watch on it because they thought someone might take it. Whoever Grant Ward is thought I wasn't the best at protecting my own data."

"I know that dick," Clint said. "He was a level seven agent." He looked at Natasha. "The flirty one."

"I remember him," she said with a grimace. "Not worthy of his level." She looked him up. "Assigned to a special mobile response team. Agent May.... Fuck," she finished in Russian, pulling up that file. Stark stared then at her. She looked at Darcy. "When did you last see Agent Coulson, Miss Lewis?"

"About five months ago? He showed up to check on us and Thor, mostly to handle the guy that tried to invade the labs to get Jane's work." She looked at Jane.

Jane nodded. "I remember him. I remember seeing Agent Ward and feeling slimy. He seemed a bit too...."

"Goody-goody," Darcy said. "Like he's a bit oily but not slimy nasty sort?" she said, looking at Clint.

"He is a goody-goody and hiding something because that's got to be a mask. He would've washed out of SHIELD years ago if he was that much a boy scout." He and Natasha shared a look. "Five months?" he asked the ladies. They both nodded. "Any idea who that guy was?"

"Some douchebag from Ottowa's college," Jane said. "He wanted my research so he could claim it. He was barely a master's candidate. Ward got pushy and demanded we start encrypting things. When I pointed out we hand-wrote it and it wasn't on a computer he almost had a fit. Like he expected it to be stolen anyway but no one can steal hand written stuff online."

Darcy nodded. "I got that feeling too. That's why I talked to Coulson when he showed up with the uber-robot chick and the hyper, like tweaker at times hyper, hacker."

"May," Clint said. Natasha nodded, looking at the rest of the team. "No last name...." He stared at that. "Why?"

"I have no idea," Jane said. "So why is my passport in Ecuador?" she asked with a point at the other stuff on virtual screens.

"That's what we'd like to know since that leads to a Council event with a gateway," Bruce said with a smile for her.

She stared back. "You think my research could open it?"

"Maybe, or they might," Stark said. "The guy was an agent." Clint nodded, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Is that part of the HYDRA nastiness?" Darcy asked. She looked at Steve.

"They were partially into the occult and partially into science," Steve admitted. "What would that gateway get them?"

"We can call," Tony said. "JARVIS?"

"Already ringing, sir." He projected it.

"Yuppers," a female voice said.

"It's Tony Stark, I need to speak to Xander," he said.

The voice giggled. "Sure you are, dude. How did you get this number?"

"It's Darcy Lewis and Tony Stark. We *really* need to talk to Xander. He was guarding me a few months back."

"You're the pretty one Darrien talked about for weeks. Hold on. Xander!" she bellowed, slightly away from the phone. "Major nerd conference call."

"If it's Buffy she can pick out her own shoes," he called back. Most of the Avengers and Jane all rolled their eyes. Darcy snorted with Clint.

"It's the pretty one Darrien talked about and the guy who said he's Tony Stark."

"What's up?" he said.

"Slight issue not related to that mess," Darcy said. "Someone took Dr. Foster's passport to a temple in Ecuador."

"Which one is Dr. Foster? We keep track of a few people's works that could land them in the sights of someone crazy with magic."

"She's rebuilding the Bifrost," Tony said.

"Fuck, I was hoping it was someone else. Temple in Ecuador? About three years ago?"

"That was the only mention we could find about that area, and yes," Tony said. He sighed. "How bad?"

"It's a temporal gateway, Mr. Stark. To a totally other realm. Somehow the two portals got layered so you can go to that other realm but only if you want to go back in time for a bit."

"How far?" Darcy asked.

"The girls were fighting two dinosaurs," he said cheerfully. "I'll have someone go check the stupid thing."

"It might be related to the HYDRA stuff," Stark said. "And do you know anything about an Agent Coulson?"

"Phil? Yeah. He's in hiding. His team's got fractured by the douche of HYDRA. I knew one of the geeks on his team so they called up and asked for sanctuary. They're in the local temple up here working on things. Why? I can go talk to him if you need me to. Though he'd probably hate going to that other world during...probably the renaissance."

"Why so recent if the last one was dinosaurs?" Steve asked.

"Willow did some sort of math thing that if you plug in the date today it'll pop up when you go back then. She presented it at some mystical mojo conference full of assholes who think they have magic a few years ago." He sighed. "Most of them are on our shitlist but ya know how that goes I guess," Xander said.

"Can you work it backwards to see when they would've been in World War 2?" Steve asked.

"I'm not that good at math. I hate math. Math hates me. I can email Stark the formula."

"Please," Stark agreed. A few seconds later his email beeped. "Willow's messy with her math. It's cringe worthy."

"She was one of our school's geniuses, Stark. And don't tell her that, she'll get huffy and yell at me for no reason."

"Sorry, kid. Doesn't change that fact.... Let's see. Working it backwards... looks like tomorrow or the next day they get to '43, and the day after that is 1212 BC."

"At least the warriors would be easier to take down than dinosaurs," Darcy quipped.

"Yeah but bronze and silver age weapons hurt like a bitch," Xander told her. "And they often leave infections because they never burned those clean. Don't ask. Just...don't. Please?"

"Gladly. Sounds grody," Darcy agreed, smiling at the project. "So...got a map?"

"I'm sending that whole file over to you. We're not totally stupid and the reports that are hackable are the bare bones. The rest is off-line. Mostly because Giles thinks computers are signs that evil's already winning. Even his toaster is a sign evil is winning because it's programable. Willow bought it for him as a present." The fax machine in there started to go off. "Might be it. About sixty pages, including maps and pictures."

"Thank you," Tony said. "Have a better night, kid, and don't tell Coulson we talked. We're apparently supposed to think he died."

Xander cleared his throat. "Yeah, but I'm pretty sure the goddess they went to about that decided not to. Fury *thought* it was the alien serum but he didn't notice the ritual tattoos on the body or anything. It was blessed to something higher and that higher something helped a lot."

"Great," Stark said. "Thanks. We'll call if we need help."

"I'm writing Mandy's number on the back. That's her area. If it's bigger than she can handle then call. I won't tell him you know." He hung up.

Stark got up to gather the forms. "Thanks for diverting it to this fax, JARVIS."

"Welcome, sir." They got everything and Jane figured out how the gateway worked fairly easily. On the last page was a video capture from the temple.

Clint pointed. "Agent May. The hacker chick. Two SHIELD geeks."

"Fitz and Simmons," Natasha said quietly, staring at the picture. "The new one...something happened in LA and Centipede did something to him."

"Do I want to know why bugs are changing people?" Stark asked.

"They're like HYDRA light only they want to make their own super powered people," Natasha said.

"Charming. We'll deal with them later." They all nodded and figured out how to do things. Steve didn't want to do more than alert the local slayer. They could handle it. They left, heading down there.

Darcy and Jane went back to rearranging the lab so nothing harmful got near the precious coffee. They had already almost killed it with an experiment going explosive unexpectedly.

***
Part 2 by Voracity2
Stark limped into the temple the group was in. "Look, it's an agent," he said sarcastically. All of them flinched and Agent May got up to stop him. She fell to the taser to the neck from behind she wasn't paying attention to. "Sit." He pointed. "Now, geeks and Skye." They slowly sat down.

"You can't attack him," Skye said. "We'll get him back or get you back for him."

Stark looked at her. "Shut. The. Hell. Up." He stared at her. "Now." She glared.

"Ease off her please, Mr. Stark," Dr. Simmons said, standing up again. "She clearly doesn't know who you are."

"Then she's really out of touch." He stared at her. "We have labs for you two to safely work in." She gaped. "Like we're going to let this happen. Some people are really mad they didn't know their handler got brought back to life." Coulson flinched and barely moved out of the way of the arrow. "Were you going to miss him?" he called.

"Sure as hell meant to," Clint agreed, coming into the light. "You know I only miss on purpose, Stark." He stared at his former handler. "You. Me. A lot of sparring."

"I wasn't allowed...."

"I don't give a fuck," Clint said, staring at him. "Though we heard." He stared at him. "You. Me. A *lot* of sparring." Coulson nodded. He looked at the woman coming up behind him. "Natasha's helping Steve finish off the nazis going after a temporal and realm portal. They stopped them but some came through with stuff from the twelve hundreds. I'm sure you remember Darcy."

"I do," he said, looking at her. "How are you and Dr. Foster?"

"Jane's way pissed. If we had known they didn't know, I would've told them sooner. Instead we found out when someone was using Jane's passport." He grimaced. "C'mon. Plane's waiting, people." She looked at the one she had tazed. "She must've been tired. I'm not that silent."

"You did good," Clint promised with a smile for her. "Rookie agent level but pretty decent." She smiled. "Want to pop in on the kid and your knight?"

"If we run into him. He's probably busy."

Stark shook his head. "Not today he's not. There's no demonic activity up here."

"That usually means something's coming," Fitz said. He stood up. "It's not safe for us to be with you, Mr. Stark. The rest of HYDRA will come. Agent Coulson has the means to restart SHIELD."

"Great, but HYDRA doesn't come to the tower. They know better. The two that were in the building are gone. One Pepper had to throw out a window when she attacked. Natasha, not very happy," he said with a smug look at Coulson, who sighed. "The only attack by HYDRA we've had was on Steve himself while he was out for a run. He solved that then told us. We've only had a vampire attack recently." Coulson blinked. "Now, pack." He waved a hand at the door. "We're not that patient."

"I can get you guys set up in the labs on the way," Darcy said. "I'm Dr. Foster's assistant and there's an empty lab a floor up, but off to the right." Stark nodded that was fine. "That's not above anyone who does explosive things but you'd be above Dr. Banner."

Fitz and Simmons both blinked at her. "He's in the US?" she asked.

"Yeah, Brucie's fine," Stark said. "He and I talk all the time. Darcy makes sure the lab gremlins don't bother Jane and makes sure Jane eats and all that good stuff. Now...pack." They gathered their things and headed out with the Avengers around them.

"Darcy!" a tiny voice called. She caught the running kid.

"Hi, Darrien." She cuddled him. "You've grown."

"Nah-uh. Or else Daddy would have to shop. He hates that." He cuddled her. "Hi, Uncle Phil."

"Hi, Darrien." He patted him on the back. "You're a good boy. Where's your dad?"

"Yelling at a slayer that showed up pregnant accidentally." He grinned at Darcy. "We should play."

"The next time we're together, we'll play. I have to help get them back to the tower we were in." The boy pouted. She sighed. "Don't do that." He giggled when she poked him on the side, cuddling her.

Xander came out to join them. "Darrien."

"I claimed her, she's ours," Darrien told Tony Stark.

Tony grinned at him. "You'd have to argue with Jane and Thor about keeping her."

"The big, blond guy?" he asked, his eyes wide. "He's really cool. Much nicer than the other gods we've met." He grinned at Darcy. "Do you know Thor?"

"I do know Thor and Jane's dating Thor."

"Oooh. That's nice of her. Gods need nice people to date. That's why some of them take Dad or the slayers."

Xander sighed, rolling his eyes. "You can talk to Darcy when we're in New York for the meeting in two weeks," he said. "If she's not busy?" She shook her head, giving him a hug. "Thanks for that," he said in her ear.

"You're very welcome and he's a sweetie." Xander grinned, shaking his head. So did Darrien.

"Xander, who's that?" a young woman demanded.

"This is Darcy. We had to guard her a few months back. And I'm still not yours so don't even try the jealous bullshit, wench. I'm not yours, not going to be yours, and all you are is an interloping stalker. So go the hell home before I have something drop you in the tundra." He looked at Darcy again. "Not a slayer but the sister to one."

She kissed him on the cheek. "You deserve better than stalkers."

"Yes I do." He winked. She laughed and followed the group after a kiss of Darrien's cheek.

Stark looked at her as she got onto the jet. "You okay?"

"I like Xander. He's a great guy. They'll be in town in a few weeks for a meeting so I said I'd play with Darrien and him." The back door closed a few minutes later and they took off. They were most of the way back to New York when a storage area under a seat that faced the back opening sneezed. They stared at it. Darcy looked inside it then waved a finger. "Get out of there." Darrien crawled out to cuddle her. She sighed. "Your dad is going to be so pissed off."

"Maybe but the ho will keep him busy for at least an hour," he quipped with a smile for her. "She's not very good at it either. Even the sheriff said he wouldn't pay her for it because she was nasty."

Darcy sat down and called Xander's phone. "It's me," she said. "Oh, hi. It's Darcy Lewis. Darrien crawled onto the jet with us. Can you tell Xander if he's done with whoever that was he wanted to beat to death?" She said she would then hung up. She looked at the phone then at Darrien, who shrugged. "The ho?" He nodded. "Call one of the slayers."

"They'll ground me."

Stark waved a hand, dialing a number. "This is Tony Stark. Yes, the real one. I'm in possession of one Darrien Harris because he snuck onto our jet to talk to a friend of Xander's. No, he's busy with a stalker, or as Darrien called her a ho that he told to go away." He listened. "We'll be in New York. He can pick him up there. Thanks." He hung up. "Rosenburg."

Darrien snorted and rolled his eyes. "Mean, evil queen wannabe." He snuggled in, making Darcy smirk. "You're warm and comfy."

"I am and you should have on more clothes."

"Warriors don't wear a lot of clothes. It gets in the way of battles."

She shook her head. "Sorry, Thor wears leather, armor, and underwear under his cape." He pouted. "So yeah, they do."

"Our uniforms are very heavy," Clint said from the front.

"They are," Darcy agreed. "They all get really sweaty under it."

"Shoot." She wrapped her jacket around him. He snuggled in anyway and ended up taking a nap. She was nice that way.

Stark smiled at her. "If you want to ...." He pointed at the kid. "For real, then go for it," he said quietly.

She shook her head. "Not now."

He nodded. "Okay. Just throwing it out there."

"Some day I'll have kids. If I live that long through another invasion or whatever."

He nodded. "We try to make sure everyone lives through them."

"I think that's why Jane and I went to Tromso." He nodded with a grin. She shifted but got comfortable. "So, Agent Coulson." He looked toward her. "How's things?"

"Things are...going incredibly sideways and really wrong most of the time." He looked at Stark. "It's going to cause problems," he said quietly.

"I'm going to have Steve crawl up your ass for that," he countered. Coulson slumped but nodded. "He's had a lot of not happy days recently." Darcy slumped some. "Not because of what happened to you. He's confused and old fashioned about that."

"Not my fault."

"I'm pretty sure if one of them compulsed him he'd freak out more," he said. "He's not dealing well with the subject of mind control."

"Yeah, I guess with his old friend being under it he wouldn't," she agreed. "I try to avoid him to ease tension."

Stark looked at her. "We all chewed him a new one, Lewis. Every single one of us. Even Bruce yelled at him for his problem." She grimaced back. "So...quit. Just be yourself. It's important. Okay?" She nodded. "Good! And if we have another battle, we adore coming home to food if we didn't mention it. Even when we're injured. Thank you and Jane both for that." She smiled. "Now, what about him?"

"He's old enough to be okay as long as I watch him," she said.

"That's cool. Thor's due back tomorrow from looking at that site with the Asgardian writing they called him about." He looked at Coulson, who sighed. "Let's not do this, okay?"

"Fine. We'll still have to move again soon to protect ourselves."

"No, *you* may have to but not everyone."

"We're valuable members of the team," Fitz complained.

"You're vulnerable members of the team," Clint called back. "You can't fight, you can't protect yourself, and you're not able to handle something like an invasion scenario. For now, live in the lab, guys. It's safer and we know we can trust you." Both scientists huffed.

Stark nodded. "We can protect you both. Don't worry about that. You guys have things you have to get done for him and you can do that in my labs. Just like Jane does with Darcy nagging her sometimes." Darcy nodded. "We handle it as it comes for the moment and then when he's got somewhere truly safe and mostly permanent set up, you guys can handle that there. The same as I can't handle what Barton and Romanoff do, you guys can't handle what they do."

"True," she agreed. "What about Melinda?"

Stark looked down at the sedated woman then at them. "That depends on what a bitch she is."

"I trained her," Coulson sighed. "She's not bad, Stark."

Tony looked at him. "I've seen others you've trained." He stared at him. "We'll figure that out and Natasha should be back about an hour after us. They can talk, bitch to bitch." Clint laughed. "Agreed?"

"Fine. Though they don't get along," Coulson said.

"I could open the back door of the jet and let her slide out," Clint offered.

"Please don't," Darcy called. "I can't get a good handhold while cuddling him."

"We can protect you and the kid," Stark promised. Darcy grinned. "Let's not, Hawkboy."

"Hey!"

"I could've picked up that Hawk Guy thing going around," Stark quipped.

"Please don't."

"Fine." They landed a few minutes later and got out.

Darcy took Darrien to the bathroom then her room to give him a heavier shirt to put on. A lot too big but he'd be okay. Then they went to the labs, her pulling on Fitz's sleeve on her way past him. "Labs so I can get you guys signed in and make sure the security system recognizes your retinal prints. Let the tough guys duke it out or whatever." They nodded and followed. She got them into the blank lab. "Is this going to be big enough or should I find Stark's hidden spare lab?"

"No, this is nicer than ours on the plane," Simmons said, looking around. "We'll need things."

"JARVIS, can you help them get things?" Darcy called.

"Of course I can, Miss Lewis. By the way, Thor and Dr. Foster are exploring their mutual tonsil galaxies in her lab."

"Awww, that's sweet. I'll remind them later they still have to eat something other than each other for dinner." The AI laughed a tiny laugh. "That's JARVIS, Tony's AI. He runs the tower and does all the grocery ordering and things. J, do we have rooms for them?"

"They're being put on the secure section, floor 83. They have adjoining bedrooms with a door that opens between them. It seems most fitting for them being able to work together. Agent May has one up the hall. The nosy one will have one without internet or access to the in-building systems so she cannot try to hack me, and Agent Coulson has a room down there or next to Agent Barton's, wherever he decides is most reasonable. I've keyed their doorway to work on the same handprint that the lab door does. I'll make sure they get there later if they wanted to tell me what I need to find laying around in other labs to have shipped in."

Simmons blinked at him. "That's very mean to Skye, JARVIS."

"Yes, but I do not tolerate hackers trying my systems, Dr. Simmons. No more than you would allow untalented and non-doctors to poke you with needles."

"No, I don't," she agreed. "Thank you."

"You are most welcome. There are tablets in the closet to the right. If you'll make me a list I'll see what I can find lying around the labs."

"Thanks, J. If you guys need me I'll either be downstairs and to the left or probably upstairs making Jane dinner to make sure she eats, and Darrien eats." He grinned at her. She left them alone, the kid following her. They went down to break up the lab make out session.

"Oh, wow, it is Thor," Darrien said in awe. Thor blinked at them, then smiled at the boy. "You're much neater than the gods we've met with the slayers."

"Thank you, Darrien. Why are you back?"

"He snuck onto the jet. We found Coulson's team, Thor."

"He is alive?"

"Yeah. They're up in the communal area. Jane, let's make dinner?" Jane nodded, getting off Thor's lap so they could head up there with him. Darrien babbled at Thor, getting answered back by the patient warrior. He stayed with him to ask him and the other heros questions when they didn't want to talk to each other.

Clint stared at him. "You are the best tension break ever," he said with a smile. "Doesn't your dad answer questions?"

"He's not a hero. He's a normal guy."

"So am I."

"Huh?" the boy asked, looking confused.

"Your dad's just as normal as I am. I've had different training but your dad saves the world just like I do."

Darrien shook his head. "He's a dad and the Council's normal guy."

"Xander probably keeps that all from him," Darcy called from the kitchen. "Battles would worry him."

"Probably," Stark agreed.

Thor nodded. "That does make sense but I know your father is a mighty warrior as well. That's why he guarded Lady Darcy for us."

Darrien shrugged then smiled at him. "He's still my dad and dads aren't heros to kids."

"No, they're often not," Stark agreed, patting him on the head. "Can you ask Darcy to make some coffee?" He ran in there. Stark looked at them. They all shrugged. The kid was sweet and helping a lot even if he didn't realize it.

Willow Rosenburg appeared with a huff. "Why do you guys have Xander's son?"

"I talked to you earlier," Stark said. "When I called."

"Oh. That reason. Darrien, c'mon. Your dad just realized you were missing."

He leaned out of the kitchen. "The stalker ho had his phone and I'm not going with you. You're evil." He ducked back in there. "Dad can come get me. Or Eira."

She glared. "Now, Darrien."

"Nope."

"JARVIS, call Xander," Darcy called out. "Let's let him talk to the kid."

"Hello?" a female voice asked.

"It's Darcy Lewis. Is Xander unbusy with the stalker ho as Darrien called her?"

"Oh, that's where he is," she sighed.

"Hi, Eira. I came to meet Thor. He's really nice and he answers questions."

"That's really great. Are you at the tower, Darcy?"

"Yes and Willow's here but he wouldn't go with her."

"Good! After her fit about how he came to be, I don't think he needs to be around her. Especially since she hasn't apologized for trying to make his dad into ...a one of those sort that I won't mention around him." She sighed. "Xander, he crawled onto the jet that came earlier. He's with Darcy Lewis and Thor."

"Son," the male voice said.

"Hi, Dad. Thor's really nice! A lot nicer than the other gods we've met."

"That's great but you're in really deep shit for sneaking onto the jet and running away to New York."

"Oops," he said, hiding under the sink.

Darcy looked down at him. "He can't spank you until he's closer. Then you hide under the sink, Darrien. Willow's here, Xander." She pulled him out. "He can't spank you over the phone." He pouted but cuddled her. "How did you want to pick him up?"

"I'll be there tomorrow morning anyway. I'll get him then if you're willing to babysit tonight. I'll even pay for the time, Darcy."

"I can do that."

"Thank you. You can tell Willow to go home. I don't want her funny mental problems near the kid."

"I do not!" she complained.

"Darcy, cover his ears." She did, he knew she would. "You made me out to be a rapist when I was the victim of her doing it to me," Xander said bluntly. "That's your funny mental problem and I'll be damned if you're going to make me the problem when I wasn't. I'm not letting you take it out on me, or on him."

"You could've stopped her," she snorted.

"Yeah, me being unconscious, drugged that way, means I could've stopped her."

"He had no more control over that than I did when I got compelled," Darcy shot back. "Damn I'm glad most women aren't like you. You'd push back women's rights by decades all by yourself. Now, shoo, witch. Now!" Willow glared and raised a hand. "You go ahead and shoot that magical whatever at me, then we'll see how far you get, witch."

Thor smacked Willow on the head, making her drop the spell. "That is not kind or right for your species, witch. My brother is a better being and a chaos mage with much anger. Leave. Before I have to find a way to bind you permanently." She huffed and disappeared. He took the boy from her. "We will help you guard him."

"He should be fine," Xander said. "Thank you, Thor. Darcy, you're lucky you're not looking for a sunlamp for your lizard self. Willow's dangerously screwy at times."

"We can torture her until she changes her back," Jane said with a smile for the ceiling. "I'd feel no issues at all with that."

Xander laughed. "I like you, Dr. Foster. I'll be there about ten. My plane lands at nine at Kennedy. Thanks, ladies, and Thor. I need to talk to someone about Willow." He hung up.

Thor nodded, walking off. "Witches like that are very unstable and highly irregular. You should not listen to what they say," he told the boy. "They often have anger greater than even my brother did." He sat down with the boy on his knee. Darrien hugged him. "It's all right. We will not let her bespell you either."

"You're so much nicer than Chiana. She just wanted to make Willow pay for her mistakes when she showed up."

Thor tipped the boy's face up. "Who summoned that one?"

"One of the slayers that got tired of her." He snuggled in again. "Thank you."

"You're most welcome. You can't grow up to be a fine warrior or scholar if you're a rabbit." The boy laughed and nodded, then went to help Darcy and Jane in the kitchen again.

Steve and Natasha came off the landing pad. Steve paused, staring at Coulson. "You are alive."

"It took him three days to get me to that state," he admitted. "Then various therapies that I begged him not to do."

Steve nodded. "Sounds like Fury," he sighed. He sat down. "Thor."

"Steven. The ladies are making dinner. Widow, there is an agent that is knocked out and locked up."

"May," Clint said with a grin.

"I can go talk to her," she agreed, strolling that way. She backtracked, staring at the boy. "How did you get here?"

"He snuck onto the jet," Darcy said. "Taste this."

She tasted the sauce on the spoon. "Needs less pepper and more garlic." She added garlic. "His father?"

"Tomorrow morning. I'm babysitting," Darcy said.

"That's fine. He was an excellent child when he was here with his father. I'm sure he will not bother the rest of us." She walked off again.

Darcy looked at him. "She just got off a mission. That's like a really bad patrol."

He nodded. "I've seen those. How do we correct too much pepper?"

"The others like it more that way." She winked. He grinned and helped by stirring for her.

***

Natasha was sitting next to Melinda May's spot on her temporary couch when she woke up. "I will know your intentions while we share a building," Natasha said bluntly.

"You knocked me out." She sat up, staring at her.

"I didn't knock you out. I was helping Captain Rogers take down a HYDRA cell trying to access a portal to another realm's world war 2. Then making sure no one could access the portal." Natasha casually crossed her legs, staring at her. "Your guard must have been down."

"I doubt that," Melinda said with a grimace. She looked around. "Where is this?"

"Stark Tower."

"That's going to draw trouble here."

"The Avengers are here and we can handle such things," Natasha said blandly. "Though they do not come here. They know better." Melinda stared at her. "I will not have you disrupting the lives in this tower. You can submit yourself to the proper attitudes to reside here and interact or you can stay locked in here."

"I can behave," she said.

"There are civilians in the building, mostly scientists. Yours have already found their niches among them."

"That's good. They could use more than panicking and emergencies." She relaxed. "Is Clint all right?"

"He is probably very well. We returned right after them."

"He was up there?"

"Him, Stark, and a few others left our situation to come handle yours." She stood up. "If you will be civil, you may go up to the common lounge." She paused her. "Do not bother Darcy Lewis," she said quietly. "She is still healing."

"HYDRA?"

"Vampires."

"Oh, dear." She sighed. "Coulson introduced us to Xander."

"He showed up to help protect her."

"Good of him." She nodded. "I'll be a good girl," she said sarcastically.

Natasha tipped her head slightly. "Good." Natasha had the door unlocked and they left together, going up there. "JARVIS, this is Agent May."

"Yes, Agent Romanoff. I've already found her dossier and adjusted her abilities within the building so she can access the gym and other training facilities plus the Avengers common areas," the AI said.

She looked up. "You're Stark's AI," she said.

"I am, Agent May. My name is JARVIS."

"Thank you, JARVIS. May I have a map?"

"You have one available on the tablet in your kitchen. That will also be where you upload any needs that need ordered for your residence here."

"We may not be here long but thank you," she said.

"You are most welcome and I believe it's safer if you stay for now." The elevator opened to let them off.

Darrien ran over to stare at her. "They got your bag of stuff," he said with a smile. "You got to miss Willow showing up to be a dumb butt too."

"Language," Darcy called from the kitchen.

"Sorry." He smiled at Natasha.

"You are adorable but I do not accept flirting from anyone who is under three-quarters of my age."

"How old is that?" he asked, blinking at her.

She smiled. "Do the math."

"I don't know how old you are to do the math. Are you over twenty-two?"

She smiled, kissing him on the head. "Yes, I am." He pouted but escorted them to the seats and then went back to helping Darcy and Jane. He looked at Darcy. "Are you about twenty-two?"

She smiled, hugging him. "I'm twenty-four. Your dad is three years older than me, sweetie."

"That's a cool age gap." He smiled at Jane.

"Thor and I have a huge age gap but it's okay because Asgardians age slower," Jane said.

"That's a neat thing." He went to talk to Thor about that. The warrior was happy to tell him of his people, especially about his mother.

Once dinner was served, Darrien sat next to Darcy. She made him eat his veggies but he could talk to Dr. Fitz on his other side. He knew a lot of stuff and he liked to talk about them. It was like lessons only better because it came with dessert at the end.

***

In the morning, Darcy got up and got herself ready then got the kid up to let him take a shower and change back into his clothes. He pouted at them. "I have a washer, kiddo. They're not dirty."

He grinned. "I've had to do that before. Washing in rivers leaves you feeling nasty."

"I guess it could since fish swim in rivers. And other stuff."

"Eww." She smiled. "I think that's why we used the filter pitchers when we drank out of rivers." He ran in to get a shower and get dressed then came out to let her feed them. Then they went to the labs to help around there. He was good at helping her pick up reports and sorting thing out. Ten came and went. Then noon, and lunch they made for Jane and Thor.

Xander finally showed up at two, looking a bit banged up. He shook his head. "Cab crash because of a demon that needed desperate help getting away from a homicidal demon hunter." He shifted his stance with a wince. "Sorry I'm late."

She hugged him carefully. "It's all right. Things like that happen and you had a long time at the ER."

"Yes I did. Plus the officers." He picked up his son with a grunt.

"Put me down! You have hurt ribs and you do not need to be carrying my tiny butt!" Darrien complained.

Xander smiled at him. "They're only sore, not broken, and you're not that heavy yet, kiddo." He kissed Darcy on the cheek, handing her some money. "Thank you."

"He was sweet and helpful all night, Xander."

He looked at his son. "It's good you used your manners." He winked at Darcy and left with the kid.

Darcy tucked the money into her pocket and went back to her nagging rounds. Stark looked up then around. "I wasn't going to mention how late he was."

"Cab crash."

"Ah! That can happen. He good?"

"Sore ribs. Limping a bit. Darrien protested he didn't need carrying."

"Yeah, he did. He's sneaky."

"He's mostly a good boy." She smiled. "Do I need to remind you about lunch things?" He pointed at the plate next to him. "Stark, that's covered in motor oil. Eww! You are not a robot, you didn't need a lube job!" She snatched it and threw it out then got him food ordered. She used the robots to shoo him into a shower while it was being delivered. With the amount of grease on him, it looked like he was using his body to do the lube job.

***

Darcy finally got to go back to her own apartment, after almost a week of being in the tower, and found a person in there standing in a slightly bigger mess than she had left. She stared at the guy who walked out of her bedroom, hand on her taser. "Why did you break in and toss my clothes around?" she asked. She had seen a picture thanks to Steve showing everyone in case they spotted him.

"The one who did the messiness is in the closet," he said. "I need you to get me to Stark. They won't suspect me coming to you."

"I can do that. Or Steve."

"The man on the bridge?"

"Yes, him." She pulled out her phone. "Thor, thank you for answering Jane's phone. Tell Steve his friend is here and he said he needs Stark. Yes, that one. Thank you." She hung up. "Who created the mess?"

Bucky pointed. "He's trapped in there. I don't know what he is. His comrade was not normal."

"Probably a vampire," she muttered. She pulled out her taser and walked over to open the door, zapping the guy that tried to rush out. "What did you think you were doing?" she demanded.

"You don't need this. You're coming with us," he said, whimpering and making hurt noises.

"Fuck no I'm not! Can't you get that through your pointy skull?" Someone pounded and burst in. "Do not break my door!" she ordered. "My landlord is going to shit!"

Steve blinked. "Sorry." He looked at Bucky, staring at him. "Hi."

"I need Stark. I have a self-destruct I just found."

"I can do that. He's on his way." The vampire got past Darcy and ran out the broken window. "Was that one of them?"

"I found he had broken in," Bucky said. "I stuffed him in the closet when I caught him going through her clothes."

Steve nodded. "That does suck."

"Yeah, it does," Darcy said, looking at the mess. "But I wasn't here in long enough. It left it without a soul barrier." She grimaced and sighed, picking up stuff to put up.

Steve looked at Bucky. "C'mon, I can bring you to Stark."

Bucky looked at her. "Thank you for your help."

"You're welcome. Let me know if you need more help. Okay?" He nodded once and followed Steve out of the apartment.

Darcy shut the door and got back to cleaning up the mess. When she laid down with the lights off, the vampire tried to come back but the barrier stopped him. "You know that won't work," she said, flipping him off. "Go away."

"You could be ours. You could have eternal life."

"I couldn't be bored for that long."

"We'd keep you occupied."

Darcy glared at him. "I'd rather stake myself first." He pouted and huffed off. Darcy checked everything was secure and got back to sleep.

***

Darcy walked in the next morning with an extra tall coffee and looking like she hadn't slept. Stark stopped her on the lab floor. "You're moving into an apartment here."

"No I'm not."

"Yes, you are. You had a vampire in your apartment when you got home! Can't you please be reasonable!"

"I am moving but I'm not moving in here. I told my landlord I'm moving when I ran into him this morning to come clean up the mess that they made breaking in. He said he was going to kick me out anyway because of the noise complaints so I've got two months to move." She sipped her coffee. "You can help me look, but I'm not moving into the tower. I need away from all of you sometimes."

"We have nice apartments on the lower levels."

"Which are nicely just a few floors away from work," she said dryly. "Which I need to get away from sometimes."

He rolled his eyes as he walked off. "Fine, I'll help you look."

"Thank you." She went up to the lab to log in and get to work sorting through all of Jane's data again. When Jane got there she stared at him. "Bucky found a vampire fondling my panties. He shoved him in a closet. Probably because the thing tried to hit on him or eat him."

"That was sweet of him." Jane stared at her because that was not the news she had expected to hear this morning. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah. It was where no one was there for too long. No soul barrier from residency."

"Oh. That stuff. You good?"

"I'm fine. I have two months to move."

"The landlord's kicking you out?" she demanded.

"Because the vampires broke the window and Rogers broke my door and the neighbors complained about noise. He announced that when I told him I was moving in two months."

"Sure, I'll help you move. I'm pretty sure Thor's really handy for that too." She sat down to get to work. Jane got a hug then they got back to work.

***

Darcy came back from looking at a pretty decent place. She would've had it if her credit report hadn't shown up as a bit too clean. She went up to work and waited until Jane was off to bother Bruce about something to lean back in her chair. "JARVIS, what did he do to my credit report?" she asked quietly.

"I believe sir swept it clean."

"Yes, it's now too clean." She got up to go talk to Stark in person. He smiled until he saw her scowl. "I would've had a nice apartment I could've moved into at the end of the month but whatever you did to my credit report wiped it too clean, Stark."

"I just removed the really old stuff."

"Uh-huh. Including my student loans?"

"Welll....."

"Does this mean I should start making those payments to you?" she asked dryly.

"They're still around."

"Uh-huh." She stared at him. "I actually liked the one today. It was roomy, it was nice. It was just across a bridge."

"That's way too far away. What if Jane has a breakthrough?"

She huffed. "Stark, it may not occur to you but I need *away* from all this at times."

"If Steve...."

"It's not him! You guys drive me nuts!" He stared at her, looking confused. "Listen, all right? Human nature has devolved into some people being nurturers. We take care of others. Like I do to Jane." He nodded he got that, sitting down. "With the way you guys mistreat yourselves, it drives me literally batty watching you do that to yourselves. I have to keep fighting my own needs to fix things. I can't do that with you."

"You can make sure I eat."

She swatted him on the arm. "I'd end up being your mommy figure, and neither of us want that!"

"No, I don't want that. It gives me nasty ideas about breast fetishes," he said, shaking his head quickly. She swatted him again and scowled. "I get that but it's safer."

"I can install a security system, Stark."

"It's not good enough."

"It is good enough because otherwise I'll need a bed in Bellevue. They'll give me a pretty jacket and teach me to hate the stove that calls out for me because you guys never eat. Or do normal human things like bathe! Or anything like that! I need the space for my own mental health!"

He huffed. "I was trying to help. You can't get a great place with your old credit report."

"I would've qualified for this one and it was pretty nice. Now they won't because I don't have a credit history."

"I.... you can still move in here." She glared. "It's safer for you and us. What if someone like HYDRA comes at you next time? Bucky came to you because you were a safer side target and HYDRA didn't probably connect you to Rogers."

"Then I'll taze them like I did Thor."

"Oh, that. I heard about that." He blinked at her. "I can help you find somewhere."

"No! You can help me *look*. You can put my credit report back. You cannot get me an apartment. Besides, I couldn't afford something you would think was best."

"That's a point." He sighed. "I'll help you look. Your realtor friend is pretty nice." She nodded, arms crossed over her chest. "Move in here temporarily?"

"If I have to, yes. But I'm not staying and it's not a permanent move. Then I'll be looking harder for an apartment."

"I get that. I really do, even though I have no idea about motherish things and feelings and needs like you have." She stared at him. "Mine didn't do that! Pepper didn't either."

"Yes she did or you would've starved to death. You have JARVIS programmed to mostly do it for you."

"Oh, that stuff." He stared at her. "I'll help you look and I'll put back your credit report. Any chance on that one?"

"No. There's a huge housing shortage right now. I was already competing against three others for the apartment at that time."

"Because of our battle," he said.

"No, the city was pretty poor about housing before all that. Where I'm looking isn't affected by the battle scars in Manhattan. I couldn't afford Manhattan. No one except people like you can afford to live here in Manhattan."

"Point," he said. "This tower was hugely expensive."

She rolled her eyes again, turning to walk off. "Really near to the subway and/or bus lines please. I've been looking in the areas just over the bridges so I'm as close as I can be."

"Yup. Thanks and you're still moving in here if you can't find something in a few weeks."

"I have two months."

"Yup," he said with a wave at her back. He huffed. "JARVIS, are there any nice listings for her?"

"The one she was looking at today was slightly out of her budget but it was the nicest I've seen in her preferred areas, sir," the AI said. "There is not a lot of open real estate in the city area right now."

"That sucks," he said. "You're monitoring her apartment, right?"

"I am. The landlord is presently fixing the damage Captain Rogers made last night when he burst in to get his friend. Speaking of, he's waking up from the surgery." Tony went up to check on him. He kept looking at listings, showing Darcy some as they came up. She called about a few but she was already too late on them.

***

Darcy came home a few days later after an all-night at the lab, sighing in displeasure when she saw some of her stuff being carried into a truck. She stepped between one of the movers and the truck. "What are you doing with my things? I said I was moving in two months."

"Mr. Stark's orders, Miss Lewis. They broke into your apartment again last night." He put the box he was carrying into another guy's hands and took her upstairs. There was less of a mess this time. She looked around and groaned. "Your clothes were tossed around and some had blood or other stuff poured on them. They're at the laundry on the next block." She sighed but nodded. "What do you want to take with you to the tower?"

"My vanity and all the stuff on it. My books, my clothes. My stuff in my bathroom and kitchen. The other furniture can go into storage."

He nodded. "We can do that." He patted her on the arm. "The first load is already heading to storage about a block from here." He handed her the rental contract. "It's a good, secure place. We've used it before." She nodded, smiling a tiny bit. "You'll be safe and whatever weird people these were will hopefully be arrested for it."

"They're vampires. They probably won't be." He grimaced but nodded. "Thank you. How did they get in?"

"Broke your window. The fix didn't look all that sturdy." He stared back at the landlord, who decided to run off.

"We'll be talking," Darcy called after him. She looked at the mover. "How much do I owe you guys?"

He shook his head. "Mr. Stark paid us, ma'am." He grabbed more boxes and walked off.

Darcy sighed, going to yell at her landlord for not fixing that broken window that let them back into her apartment. It meant she got her security deposit back because she was all for suing him and telling everyone else about it. Then she went to the laundry. It'd be the end of the week for most of her clothes. She sighed, going to find something to wear. She still needed a shower and to change. She got back to the tower and JARVIS nicely dropped her on her new floor without her having to ask. The blinking handpad on the apartment showed her which one was hers. She laid her hand on it and took the keys from the door, going in to look. She had a duffle bag of clothes. She grimaced. "Who packed the clothes? Are there any more left?"

"They packed the clothes, ma'am," one of the movers said.

"Oh, great, the vampires were choosing my wardrobe for me," she said dryly. She held up the clothes, shaking her head. "This is going to be bad." They smiled. "Do I have ten minutes without you guys for a shower?"

"Probably about thirty minutes, ma'am," one of the movers said.

"Thanks, guys. Been up all night working." She went to the bathroom with a corset top and a long, slim skirt in a stretchy fabric. She had a cardigan that could go over it, she was wearing it right now. She came out of the shower winding up her wet hair, unpacked her coffee maker and stuff to make a pot, then went up to work.

Jane looked at her. "That's not your usual outfit."

Darcy put her coffee cup down after a sip. "They broke in again last night to go through my clothes to pick out my turned wardrobe. The rest is at the laundry a few blocks from where I used to live." She took another drink. "It was this or the leather pants from that one pirate costume I had in my freshman year at Culver." Jane grimaced and shook her head. "Or the two more showy vests without any shirts to go under it. At least I slightly look put together but if I find them I'm going to take the cost of the laundry out of their hides."

Jane gave her a short hug. "At least you're safe now. I'm assuming you're here?"

"I found out by going home for a shower and change and found Stark had hired me movers. I'm down on the fifty-second floor." She took another drink and sighed. "Let's get back to science for science's sake. I'll find a thrift store later so I don't have to look like I'm selling it for rent money tomorrow."

"You don't look bad," Jane said, looking her over. "The top's a bit...tarty."

"Yeah, I usually wear a shirt under it."

"I can see why." She got back to work and it was okay and quiet. She even let Darcy take a nap on the couch in there.

***

Darcy showed up that night and security tried to stop her. She pulled out her ID to hold up. They grimaced. "That's why I had to get clothes to work in. Someone broke in and destroyed most of mine." She got around him and into the elevator. "JARVIS, please? My hands are full."

"I shall get you to your apartment, Miss Lewis." The elevator started to move. "Are you all right?"

"I'm just really exhausted. Thank you for caring, J."

"You're quite welcome. You rest. You could use it. The tub is generously deep. Mr. Stark said it was a nice selling feature to rent those apartments out."

"That sounds great. Is my bath stuff here?"

"Yes. It was delivered earlier with your vanity items and your food stores. Would you like me to order you something for dinner?"

"No, I'll do that later and pay for it. Can you send me a copy of my lease so I know how much I'm paying him?"

"I've already sent it to your email, Miss Lewis."

"Thanks, J. You're a great buddy." She went to her apartment, and it opened for her. "Thanks for that too." She walked in and nudged the door shut with her hip, dropping the clothes onto the couch so she could go take a long, hot bath. It was nicely deep enough to fall asleep in. Just what she needed.

***

The next afternoon she ran into Clint Barton on her way out. "Hey," she said, walking around him.

He stared at her square necked navy blue cotton shirt that had three-quarter sleeves and a pair of jeans that were just a bit too tight. "You going out for dinner?"

"Going to the laundry out where I used to live to pick up things. They said they got most of it done." She sighed. "So I'm cabbing."

"Nah, I can drive you." He grinned. "You look exhausted."

"I am. I came home yesterday to find myself being moved."

He winced. "Stark being nice?"

"After those sort broke in again. They trashed most of my clothes to pick my new wardrobe. Hence the method of emergency." She waved a hand at the clothes.

He shrugged. "You look nice." He led her to the garage and drove her out there. He even helped her carry the three large bags of folded laundry to the car. It filled the backseat. He looked at her over the roof of the car. "Dinner?"

"I'd love food. I haven't eaten since breakfast."

"Cool." He grinned. "It's been three hours for me." She snorted but smiled back. They found a tiny diner up the road that had good food and pigged out before going back. He showed her the freight elevator that bypassed the uptight lobby security officers. It eased some of her stress. He let her unpack and went upstairs to the common area. "She's got her stuff back from the cleaner," he told Stark.

"That's good. She okay?"

"I made sure she ate. She looks exhausted."

"We're not working tomorrow," Jane said. "Thor wants to go to the park." She sent Darcy a text message and put her phone down after the 'thank you'. "She'll sleep in tomorrow."

"That'll do her good," Stark agreed. "She could use the rest. She was worried her nurturing needs would start to drive her nuts."

"They will," Jane agreed. "It's still safer here."

Stark nodded. "It is." He stretched up and out. "Let me get back to my lab."

"Pepper locked you out," Jane reminded him. "Me too. She said she wanted all the science team to be rested and aware tomorrow when she came in for the meeting about any needs we have."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot," he muttered. He headed for his apartment to rest and maybe watch some tv or porn.

She went to pounce Thor. He was the best sleep aid ever.

***

Darcy was in the gym, getting some forced-on-her self-defense work. Tony had suggested it to Natasha, who agreed it'd be a good idea, even though no one could have avoided being attacked like Darcy had. So she was with Clint working on some hitting and blocking moves.

"Will that really keep her safe?" Bucky called from where he and Steve were boxing.

"Hopefully," Clint said calmly, staring at her. Steve had been annoyed about Darcy for the last few months, and they were all confused by it.

"What happened anyway?" Bucky asked. "Drugged drink?"

Darcy stepped back to glare at him. "I got touched on the arm and the vampires laid a compulsion."

"Oh," Bucky said, staring at her. "They can do that?"

"Some species," Clint said. He tapped Darcy and swung at her, letting her move and block it. "Good. More like that." She nodded, getting back into it. "We've had three others invading the tower, one without her being here, trying to get her. They consider her as a potential good huntress for their tribe because she's pretty." Darcy rolled her eyes and threw in a kick at Clint. He grinned and blocked it. "Nice. Keep going." She nodded and pushed her bangs out of her eyes. "Kick higher." She tried again and he nodded. "We'll work on that." She grinned.

"How do vampires get in here?" Bucky asked.

"There's a nice 'welcome to Stark Towers' message being played in the lobby at all times," Darcy said dryly. "All it takes is an invitation or a place without a soul in residence. I had one at the apartment when you found me because no one had lived there in over a day when he broke in," she reminded him.

"Point. Are they all the same species?"

Darcy quit moving and shook her head as she looked at him. "One species got me but two others decided to agree with them about my potential at pulling in victims." She huffed. "Which sucks totally. Only one of those extra ones can compel people. The original troupe has tried to sneak back according to Xander's sources but half of them are still in Dover."

"Why?" Clint muttered, shaking his head. "Is there even vampires in Dover?"

"He said not many but that gives them a good field for feeding," she said, looking at him. "The remaining four members of the troupe have snuck back into the city but I haven't seen them anywhere." Clint grinned.

"What if they show up?" Bucky asked. "What're you going to do?" She pulled the taser out of her quick-draw holster and fired it at him, making him flop down with a yelp of pain.

"Nice," Clint said, taking it from her. "Very nice. You need one with higher power. Let Stark tinker with that." He ejected the wire cartridge and handed it back. She shrugged. "Go let Stark make it higher powered. You'll need more to zap the undead. We'll work on how you stake too."

"That one troupe takes beheading."

"I remember," he said. She punched him on the arm and walked off toweling off her sweaty neck and hair. He looked at them once she was out of hearing range. "Guys, quit treating her like she's helpless. Even Natasha's gotten compelled by vampires in the past." They both grimaced. "You guys treating her like she's fragile or unable to do things is making it harder on her. So please quit before *I* taze you." He walked off. He went to Stark's lab, knocking on the window before leaning in. "Darcy's still using a regular tazer?" he asked. "How have you not grabbed hers like you did Natasha's Widow's Bite?"

"I forgot she carried a tazer," he said. He turned to look at him.

"She just tazed Barnes when he asked what she'd do when one showed up again."

Stark pulled up footage and grinned at it. "Good girl."

"We had a talk too." Clint walked off. Darcy was coming out of the elevator after a quick shower and change back to her regular clothes. "Have fun playing with science."

"I'll try really hard," she quipped with a grin. "Thanks."

"Welcome. I mentioned your tazer to Stark. He said he forgot you have one." She laughed as she let herself into Jane's lab. Then back out and wrote out a note to hang on the door so no one else would do that. "Nap time?" he guessed when she joined him at the elevator.

"Thor's feeding her lunch by hand."

He grinned. "They are in gooey love," he agreed. They got on together. "Common area?" She nodded. "How did you make that casserole with the potatoes and the mushrooms? Natasha wanted to know."

"I can show you. It's really easy." She smiled. "It's literally cut and toss into a pot then top." He grinned, following her in there. Natasha came in to sit at the breakfast bar to watch them work. She smiled. "Jane's being hand-fed lunch by Thor."

Natasha nodded. "I saw the note." Darcy grinned, going back to the recipe. "No thickener?"

"No, the starch in the potatoes will do that," Darcy said. She held up something. "So will the milk powder and the cheese."

"That's interesting. I hadn't tasted the powered milk," Natasha said. They put it into the oven together since they had made two pans of it. She turned on the timer and turned to Clint. "Lunch?" Natasha suggested at the dual stares.

"Always happy to eat," Clint said. "Coffee?" Darcy started some and made them paninis. Natasha took hers with a smile. Clint sat beside her to eat. Darcy went outside to eat on the porch since it was a pretty, sunny day. They took the casseroles out when the timer buzzed. Natasha let it go for another five minutes since the top wasn't fully browned.

Darcy went back to the labs once she had eaten and checked her email then went to check on Tony. "Do you want me to make you lunch?" she asked as she walked in.

"I'll trade you your tazer for chinese food you go pick up in the lobby."

"Sure." She handed it over and went to get his food for him, plus some coffee. Tony lived on coffee like humans lived on oxygen.

***

Darcy was out getting a new book from one of the used bookstores in the city when she ran into the idiot vampires bothering Bucky. They had over a month without hearing anything about vampires and here they were again. She followed them into the nearby undead bastard club since she couldn't catch up to them outside and used the bag with the book to hit one of them. "Leave him alone!" They flinched away from her. "He doesn't need this shit! He's had enough of that done to him already!" She hit a few more. "Don't make me find a stake or my tazer." A few vampires laughed so she electrocuted them. They turned to ash. She looked around. "Stop it."

"He could gather you for us," one said smoothly, walking out from the back of the bar. "It looked like it worked better than ever since you came of your own free will."

"I don't want you!" she sneered. "No one wants you, especially not me!" She nudged Bucky. No response. Great! The vampires moved around her and she snarled. The tazer wouldn't take them all out. She pulled out her stake, nicely carved with Clint's help to make a proper point on it. They all smirked.

A young woman strolled in humming and shot off her crossbow. "Gee, a vampy vamp meeting. How nice of you to welcome me to the city as the new slayer," she quipped.

Darcy staked two. "They took my friend's coworker to compel to get me," she said.

The slayer looked at her then at the group. "Wow, Xander warned us the douche patrol was in town."

"Half are in Dover," Darcy quipped. "Can we go?"

"Please." The slayer smiled.

"Tell Darrien and Xander we're okay?"

"I can do that, Darcy." Darcy grinned and hauled on Bucky's arm until he followed her. He was still out of it but complacent enough to follow. Darcy grabbed her book on the way out. She got them a cab and sent a text message to Xander in case the slayer needed help. The slayer came out dusting off her shirt. "You good? Need a ride?"

"Yes please. I'm told you reside in the tower of hotties who save the world too. I should introduce myself."

"Sure." She got Bucky into the cab and the ladies climbed in around him. They got back to the tower and Darcy called. "Stark, meet me in the elevator. Bucky ran into that troupe." She paid the cab and they went inside while guiding Bucky. The elevator doors opened and Stark moaned, moving to help them get Bucky into it. "This is the new slayer in the area. This is Tony Stark." Bucky followed wherever they tugged his human arm so he needed steered.

The slayer smiled and waved. "I'm Dara."

"Tony." He shook her hand. "I need your contact information just in case."

"I can do that." They got off the elevator and walked Bucky toward the couches.

"Steve!" Tony bellowed. Steve and Natasha both came in off the porch. Clint jogged out of the bedroom area.

"Some vampires got him to make him get me out of the tower," Darcy said. "I smacked a few and zapped a few and staked two. This is Dara, the new local slayer."

Steve moaned, taking Bucky to control. "How did they do this and how do we cancel it?"

Dara shrugged, looking at Darcy.

"I was coming out of the bookstore and saw them surrounding him near a club. It had a huge overhang above the opening. I smacked a few around with my new book to get them off him but they took him inside the club so I followed."

"Call. Us!" Tony said, staring at her. "We would've shown up to help."

"I didn't want to leave him there!" she complained. "Who knows what they'd do to him!"

"Only two of the species in the bar had magic," Dara said. "Only one thinks Rosenburg's a chaos goddess and would knock him up to make her happy." Everyone stared at her. She shrugged. "They're weird that way. It's the weird, dead brain that gives them ideas." Steve moaned.

"I think they only got to the point of the mind whammy." She looked at her. "How?"

"Has to wear out. Should be within a few hours as long as all the vampires that did it are dead, and they're dead unless one escaped you before getting to him."

Clint smiled at her. "Average time?"

"Depends on the mind. The stronger ones, the less time it takes."

"He's been under mental coercion," Darcy said quietly.

"Probably tomorrow then. One of them tried to get a slayer that some German dicks got to a few months back. It took her a week but she's really, really dumb. I'm guessing if he works with you guys, he's not a dumb socialite."

"No, he's not," Stark said. "Let's get your contact info so we can find you." Dara handed over a business card with a smile. "Even better. Address?" She wrote it for him. "Anything we can do to help him come down?"

"He'll probably have a headache. They give me one all the time. Like the telepath people do when they try to mind screw people."

"They really need to realize they're making things worse and they're leaving any mutants without 'useful' gifts out in the cold," Darcy complained. "And the mind screwers really need to keep their minds to themselves." Dara nodded, patting her on the arm. "Thanks for the saving."

"Not a problem. That's what we do."

"Can I make you cookies or something?"

Dara grinned. "No slayer turns down sugary things." Darcy took her to the kitchen to bake for her.

Steve blinked in there then at Bucky. "What about him?"

"Let him sleep it off," Dara said. "He'll have a headache." She looked at him. "It doesn't look like they gave him any orders. They were at the 'you will do my bidding' part of the compelling. And while it sucks, especially if he's been there before, it won't hurt him. He'll wake up and probably be mad at himself. I would be. You probably would be." Steve glared. She stared at him. "You can nudge him, give him amphetamines, we've even tried cocaine to knock people out of that. They have to let it wear off."

"Darcy's took three days," Stark said quietly, staring at him. Steve scowled at him. "He should be okay in the morning. We can put him in the infirmary. We probably should put him in the infirmary," he said, looking at Bruce.

"We're able to monitor him if Steve wants him up here. Right now he's reading like he's asleep. There's no harm putting him into a bed and letting him wake up." Steve was still scowling.

Dara came out. "We basically put them in a monitored spot. We let someone be there when they start to wake up. That way we can talk about what happened, anything they feel compelled to still do, plus generally tell them how all the ones that did it are dead." Steve stared at her, mouth open. "It's what a slayer does, Captain. We slay vampires and demons causing problems for humanity." She stared back. "We don't play games with them. Plenty of the slayers have went into hugely stupid situations that nearly got us all dead."

"Because of Xander's plans?"

"No, because we had to go save some harmless demons that they were doing experiments on. Just like you stopped a lot of people doing the same thing to humans." She stared at him. "A lot of us look up to what you did back during the war. The same as many of us look up to your present team. It's really nice not to have to save the world by ourselves any more. We're still wondering where SHIELD and everyone else was during the battle of LA and things."

"He wasn't thawed yet," Tony said. "I was calling SHIELD and I couldn't get there. I was in Tokyo that day."

Dara smiled and waved a hand. "We understand that stuff. The officials should have seen it since it was all over the news, and should've stepped in. The only agents we saw were a few FBI and a few ATF guys who all got huffy that we're females saving their butts. And a few that tried to harass us until we sicced Willow on them. Though they did make her turn them back."

He nodded. "We all thought it was weird that SHIELD was so hands off too. Pepper went on a swearing rant at Fury about letting teenage girls save us all."

"Battle in LA?" Steve asked.

"Open portal, spew realm of demons," Clint said. "I was in Egypt tracing someone." He looked at her. "You guys need my help, you call." He wrote down his cellphone number.

She hugged him. "A lot of the girls like you because you use weapons we use." She bounced back into the kitchen to collect the cookies coming out of the oven.

Clint grinned at Natasha. "Where were you?"

"Brazil."

Bruce shook his head. "I heard two days later. I was in Panama in the middle of nowhere with natives."

Thor stomped in with Jane. "What has happened?"

Dara leaned out of the kitchen to stare at him. "Lord Thor, would you know why slayers feel your presence?" she asked. "You give us weird feelings."

He blinked at her. "It is the nature of power from Asgard. You would feel me as many who do magic do."

"Ah! I'll make note of that. It could come in handy some day to find you." She went back to accepting her treat. "Thank you, Darcy."

"You're welcome and let me know if I can help. Okay?" Dara nodded and bounced out, smiling and waving at Jane. "I found the local vamps compelling Barnes." Jane winced. "Thor, do you know of any way beyond sleeping it off?"

"Not right off the top of my head if simple waking techniques don't work. For those under it, it's often like a dream." He looked at her.

"I still have almost no memories," she admitted. "A few nightmares but no memories."

Thor nodded. "That can happen when they're very strong. How many were there?"

"No clue. I saw five around him then they pulled him into the club. I know I dusted some and Dara got most of the rest. We think all the ones that whammied him are dead."

"Good," Thor said. "That would make it easier to wake him and harder for others to try so again. There's not many ways to block that sort of spell out of one's mind."

"Xander said there's some meditations but that'll only work if they're weak. I have the book in my room." She looked at Steve. "You can borrow them for him. It might help with other things. A few say they can help open memories. I've left it on the table before as a subtle offer." She went back to making cookies. She baked when she was upset.

"I read it," Tony said. "They're not hard."

Clint nodded. "Me too. Just in case." Thor patted him on the back. He looked at him. "Are there others like your brother?"

"Not many on Asgard," Thor said quietly. Jane hugged his arm. He smiled at her and moved to look at Bucky. He patted him on the face, moving back quickly when Bucky grabbed for a knife and made hurt noises. Thor looked at his hammer then dropped it on Bucky's lap. "That should keep him from moving suddenly should he wake up in the wrong state of mind." Steve stared at him. "Nightmares can do that to one," Thor reminded him.

"I know. Thank you, Thor." Darcy brought out a plate of cookies then went back into the kitchen. "Bruce, any ideas?" He shook his head. "Then let's let him sleep." Darcy brought out coffee. "Darcy, we're good," he said.

She stared at him. "Not if you're going to sit up all night. Beyond that, I bake when I'm under great stress, Rogers. If you don't want cookies then don't eat them." She walked off again. Steve scowled at her back.

Tony took a cookie to nibble. "I like that she stress bakes. I'm gaining weight. Pepper said I'm cuddly."

Natasha looked at him. "It does soothe the muscles you're building." She took a cookie to nibble as she walked off. "Let me know if you need spelled, Steve. I'll take watch from you."

"Thank you, Natasha." The others told him to call if he needed them. Thor and Jane settled in to wait with him in case Steve needed help to calm Bucky down. Steve sat down, not touching the cookies. Thor and Jane ate cookies and talked quietly. Then they got books to read next to each other.

***

Bucky woke up with a gasp, looking around. Thor casually reached over to remove his hammer from his lap, not waking Jane at all. "What happened? Who were they? HYDRA?"

"Vampires," Thor said quietly. Steve was in the bathroom. Bucky stared at him, mouth open. "They were going to compel you to grab Lady Darcy from our gentle guarding for them."

Jane woke up and yawned, stretching her arms up. She looked at him. "Are you okay? I know Darcy had a headache at first and fuzzy memories."

"I don't remember anything." Bucky shook his head quickly. "Am I okay? Bitten or infected?"

"No," Thor said. "They would have used you like that later."

"With what we know about vampires, you'd probably be Darcy's first feed when they turned her." Bucky shuddered. Steve came out of the bathroom. "He's awake."

"Bucky, you good?" Steve asked, standing in front of him. "Any nightmares or anything?"

"The last thing I remember I was going for a new sketch book for your birthday. Then I woke up here."

"The art supply store you guys go to is by the used bookstore Darcy likes," Jane said. "It's about a block past it. You probably didn't get there."

"Are they gone?" Bucky ground out.

Jane smiled. "Darcy went after you and ran into the local slayer." Bucky relaxed, nodding. "She said she smacked a few with books to get you free and tazed a few."

Bucky snorted. "That thing's mean." He stood up, checking himself over. "I feel odd."

"You've basically been asleep since they grabbed you," Jane said. "We couldn't wake you up."

"That figures." One of Stark's robots brought up a book, putting it down in front of Bucky then beeped before wandering off.

"Thanks, U," Jane called. "Is Darcy in the lab?" It honked twice. "I'll go later." She looked at him. "That's the book Xander got her. He said it's not always effective but the meditations worked sometimes."

Bucky picked it up. "It could probably help with other things." He looked at Steve. "I'll get your present soon."

Steve took his friend's face in his hands. "I don't need a present. I need you to be okay."

"I'm fine." He got free, staring at him. "I'm okay. Just a bit confused." He spotted the plate of cookies and took two to nibble on while he scowled his way to his room to take a shower. He came back. "Who bakes?"

"Darcy stress bakes," Jane said with a smile. "She made some for the slayer that helped save you."

"That's good. I'll thank her when we run into her." He went back to his planned shower.

Steve followed to talk to his best friend.

Jane looked at Thor, who smiled. "We should shower," Thor agreed. Jane smirked, getting up and holding his hand as he got up to take her to the shower.

***

Bucky found Darcy later that afternoon in the lab. "Why do they want you so much?" he asked quietly. She flinched and stared at him. "Any idea?"

"They think I'd make sure they all eat by drawing in people with my boobs."

"Other women are pretty."

"But that one group, which supposedly had higher status because of their species, picked me." He nodded once. "There's prettier women than Natasha, yet they picked her."

"Point."

"They tried to get her too. Different species but they wanted her to be their huntress."

Bucky shivered. "She got free."

"They would've made her eat Clint according to her."

"That's enough to knock me out of it too," he said dryly.

"Hey," she said but smiled. "I'm glad you're okay."

"It's less than what HYDRA did but more freaky."

"Did you get the book?" He nodded. "If you need help, Bruce meditates a lot. I thoroughly suck at it."

"I can go to him for that." He pushed off the wall he was leaning on. "You good?"

"Yeah. All I did was smack a few with a book, stake one, and taze a few others. Some of them go to dust with tazing."

"Interesting." He stared at her. "What did they do to you? Steve wouldn't tell me."

She slumped in her seat, pulling a knee up to cuddle. "They took me from a sports bar where I had been eating dinner with a college friend. I woke up three days later, thankfully not turned, but pregnant." He shuddered. "Magically induced, only took five days. I'm told that usually they would've turned me when I was in my second trimester and removed the dead fetus. Thankfully I managed to escape or make them let me go. I still don't remember much. I remember I got up and beat the shit out of one of them for not using a condom then my mind went white again. It took me three months to remember that." He shuddered. "The baby got adopted by someone. I...I couldn't do that."

"A lot of women did," he agreed. "Or dropped them at orphanages." She nodded. "How did you find all this out?"

She grinned. "I had a watcher show up right after I woke up to help guard me. I delivered in the infirmary with him and his son guarding me and Stark was the one that found me and woke me up. Xander's really nice. His son's great."

"I bet." He frowned. "Can we remove the rest of the vampires from the city?"

"There's over six hundred of them, in all species."

He grimaced. "A lot of work. The slayer?"

"Dara." She wrote down her information for him. "She showed up while I was trying to get you to wake up and get you out of there and took a crossbow to them so we could leave. Then I made her cookies."

"You do make good cookies." She grinned. "Why does Steve scowl at you for that?"

"No one's really sure. He's done it since day one. I know he thought I'd be a stay-at-home mom at one point until Jane pointed out his own wasn't."

"Women usually were in our day unless they were poor or widowed." She shrugged but nodded. "You good with all that?"

"I still have some nightmares. I'm mostly healed. The first time I went out to dinner, Clint tagged along with me. The last time, Tony made me go out with him, Jane, and Bruce. We ran into some others there."

"How many species?"

"Steve got that information." She shifted some. "I know I'm not the equal of a vampire. I'm good if I can get myself out of it. I know I'm a normal woman with normal skills. Even with a lot of training I might get two or three but not a whole group."

"I'll get it from him." He stared at her. "You came in after me?"

She nodded. "It wasn't fair they were trying that on you. Especially with all the past stuff," she said quietly. "I'd go in after Steve and walk away from him scowling at me for it," she finished with a quip.

"I'd have smacked him around."

"I'd break my hand on his jaw," she said dryly.

"Point." He smiled. "I'll talk to him."

She shrugged. "It doesn't really matter to me, Bucky. We weren't great friends before that. We're still not. I don't know why he gives me those looks but I don't need the stress and I'm not going to push myself on him to make him scowl more. He made his choice even though I've always been nice to him. That's all his shit, not mine."

"I get that. I'll still talk to him. He's not usually that judgmental."

She shrugged. "Everyone handles a person they know being raped differently."

He nodded. "They do. Need anything?"

"I'm good actually. Jane's still worshiping at the altar of Thor." He smirked a tiny bit. "Noisy?"

"Yup." He nodded and left, going to talk to Steve. He walked into their shared apartment and smacked Steve on the back of the head. "So why are you scowling at her?"

Steve looked up at him. "I don't."

"You do. I've seen you do it. I thought she was someone who was a bigger asshole than Stark with the looks you give her."

"She's nice I guess," Steve said.

"So why are you treating her like some dirty whore?" Steve flinched. "I'm pretty sure, after being under the same thing she went through, there was nothing she could do to fight them off. Even if it broke a few times she still couldn't get totally free of it."

"They could have put in commands."

"They could've done that to me too," Bucky said dryly. He stared him down until Steve looked away. "With as long as it's been, wouldn't something like that have come out?"

"It could come out in a specific circumstance. At a battle or something."

Bucky walked off shaking his head. "You've had a few of those and I heard you wouldn't eat the food she cooked."

"I didn't like her seasoning," Steve defended.

Bucky looked back at him. "Would your mother be proud of you right now?" That's when he realized what it was; Steve was comparing her to his own mother and she was coming up short since she hadn't raised the baby like some martyr. He went into the bathroom then his own room to let Steve stew. Steve was sulking but oh well. Even Bucky could tell Steve was a dick. He heard Steve get up and stomp out. "JARVIS, please keep Steve away from Darcy? Before he does something stupid?" he asked quietly.

"I've routed the elevator to the gym," the AI said. "I'm assuming he can take hints."

Bucky grinned. "Not always. That's why he used to get into fights." He sat up. "I remember that."

"Could the compulsion spell have loosened the blockage?" the AI suggested. "Mr. Stark wants to know if you're all right."

"I'm good. Let me...." He pulled a notebook over and started to write down things. He remembered a lot more now. When he came out for dinner, there was a cake for him at his seat. Just a single-person sized cake. He stared at it then at the group.

"Darcy made it with Jane's help to congratulate you for knocking more loose," Natasha said. "It's strawberry cake with pastry cream between the layers and chocolate frosting." Bucky grinned, sitting down. His cake went to the side for now. The dinner was nice. Natasha looked at Steve when he stomped up the stairs. "Bruce and I made dinner, Steve." He nodded, sitting down. He looked at the cake.

"The compulsion knocked more memories loose. The ladies made it for me."

"That's nice. Thank you, Natasha."

"I was working on dinner."

"Are we waiting on them and Thor?" Bruce asked.

"Jane got a call while they were baking. Eric Selvig is back in town so they're taking him out to go on a traditional bar hopping binge," Clint said. "Darcy said he even remembered pants without having to be prompted."

"JARVIS, please monitor Darcy's emergency beacon," Stark called.

"Stark, they have Thor with them," Natasha said. "I doubt much is going to get to either of the ladies or him."

"Point but better to be safe than sorry. I'm not sure if one of them might not want Jane for her research."

"Most vampires seem to be more mystical than scientific but you never know," Natasha said. "Her portal theories may just help with them opening ones for things like the battle in LA." The elevator opened and Darcy walked off. She smiled. "You look nice."

"Thank you. I bought this for myself for my graduation from high school." She put down something. "We're planning on these clubs in case Thor gets into another fight with a bro-dude without a clue." She strolled off. "Dara wanted a meeting sometime soon to talk to you about all the vampire spots in the city. She thinks one has some turned HYDRA guys."

"I'll call her after dinner," Stark said. "Have fun, be safe. Call."

She smirked back at him before getting on the elevator. "We will. If Thor can't thump them we'll call." She went down to the lobby to meet up with them.

"That's a very bad mental image," Clint said. "HYDRA vampires?"

"HYDRA had been interested in the mystical," Stark said. "Where is Agent and his merry band of misfits?"

"Fitz and Simmons seem to hang out in their apartments more than up here," Natasha said. "We told them to quit that but they haven't."

Stark looked at the table then up. "JARVIS, herd any of Coulson's team who's here up to eat. They made enough for Thor and the Hulk to pig out together. We can be nice to them and not smack them around too much."

The AI cleared his throat. "They've said they ordered Japanese and were invited out with the other science team, sir, but they will start coming up to eat with the rest of the group if you'd like them to."

"Yes I do," he said dryly. "Before they starve or we have to find them someone like Darcy to watch over them like she does Jane."

"I'll let them know. Anything else, sir? I'm presently reinforcing a window on the gym level from someone trying to cut the glass for entrance." Steve hopped up to go see who it was. The wannabe tech thief was not a happy camper to see him and tried to jump off the building before Steve grabbed him.

Stark looked at Bucky. "Good luck. I heard what you were trying to do earlier."

"Thanks. He's just stubborn." He glanced at the cake then dug into dinner.

***

Bucky was in the common room lounging and not being able to sleep when the science team came back. They all came up to get some coffee. He nodded at Thor and the others. "Any problems?"

"Nay," Thor said with a smile. "They had no problems. The two vampires saw me and ran for their unlives."

"I can't believe New York has so many," Eric said.

"Stark called the local slayer. There's over two thousand in town because they're having a party to celebrate one ancient clan's anniversary of forming or something," Bucky said. He sat up. "They did get two teams of HYDRA agents. They wanted them to protect the party and to up a few clans that do things like bodyguarding other groups of demons."

"Where?" Darcy asked, coming out of the kitchen with a cup of cocoa for him.

He smiled. "Thanks."

"Welcome. It should help you sleep too." He stared at her. She stared back then smiled. "It's my can't sleep, been up to long recipe for after finals. Where?"

"Some private hotel that's not on the tourist track. Stark said he knows where it was and Natasha said it was nice inside."

"So probably on the bad guy 'stay here' list," Jane said. Bucky nodded. "Figures. They probably couldn't go to normal places. Everywhere but Vegas lives during the daytime." She sipped her coffee. "Let us know where so we can avoid them." They went down to Thor and Jane's suite to keep talking. The new geeks to the group followed. It was nice talking to kindred spirits.

Bucky shook his head, sipping the cocoa. He yawned and smiled, going to bed. She was good. Very good. It reminded him of a few of the widows they had known back in the day.

***

Steve walked out to the common area at the sound of knocking on the patio/launch pad door, staring at the woman on the other side. "How did you get there?" he demanded. She had long, dark hair she had pulled back in a ponytail. She was wearing armor and simple leathers underneath them.

"Heimdall," she said bluntly.

He let her in. "JARVIS, is Thor up?" he asked.

"I've already alerted him that Lady Sif has appeared," the AI said.

"Thank you," she said, smiling at the ceiling. "You're a very kind being, JARVIS. He's told us about you."

Thor came off the elevator pulling on a t-shirt. "Is there a battle, Sif?" he asked, giving her a hug.

"Many but not at home. One of the daughters of Asgard was called to this plane to help a female in trouble."

"A slayer?" Steve asked.

She shook her head. "No, not a warrioress or protector. We know of the slayers and most of us cheered about them." She looked at Thor. "It was Himar. She's trapped by whatever the young witch was trying to get free of."

"I will gladly help. I know better than to trust a witch."

She shook her head. "That one is young. Barely ten of their years." Thor winced. "Himar is very much a daughter of Asgard. As you know, you never worry about the sons of Asgard, but the daughters that have had to train to be better than the sons they must gather."

"True, they are better warriors who are not often counted as one." He called his hammer to him. "Where is Himar?"

She showed him the slice of glass that had the map printed on it. "Here."

Thor pointed. "That's merely three blocks to the east."

"I felt you and stopped in to gather you," she quipped. "I could take them down, as you know, but I have not dealt with many mortal enforcement agencies."

"I have but SHIELD has found a rotten core in their agency."

"I've heard. Heimdal warned me before he sent me." Thor smiled and they left together. His clothes changed automatically before he launched himself.

Steve closed the patio/launching pad door, watching Thor take off and take her with him. "Who was that?" he asked the AI.

"That was Lady Sif, Captain. She is one of his oldest friends and he had said that his father suggested he woo her at one time. He and the Warriors Three have been in many battles together. She's his version of Bucky I believe."

"Interesting. She seemed nice."

"I've never heard him say she wasn't," the AI said.

Jane came off the elevator. "I heard from JARVIS. Are they coming back tonight?"

"That may depend on how much of a battle they have to get the female warrior," Steve said.

She nodded. "It's sad that even on Asgard there's no real equality between the sexes." Steve looked confused. "Valkyries have to be able to fight against any warriors they're gathering if they try to get free of them and they're on to help defend Asgard as well. Of course, they're not counted as *real* warriors like Thor and the others are." She grimaced. "It's sad that even the most advanced peoples can't get past that."

"Peggy had ideas about that too," he said.

She smiled. "Most strong women do. We know the system we had to drill through to get there." She walked off. "JARVIS, please wake me up when Thor and his friend get back. I'd love to talk to her if she's here for a few days."

"I shall," the AI said. "I've sent that message to his phone since he did have it on him."

"Wonderful." She went back to her room so she could get some rest after talking to the other scientists.

Steve went back to his own room, thinking about that. Peggy probably would've liked Jane, even if she found her focus odd.

***

Darcy snapped awake on Jane's couch, staring around. Thor nodded at her from the kitchen. She sat up and wandered in. "Any coffee?" Thor handed her a mug. "Thank you, Thor. Did you make it?" He pointed at Sif. Thor was making eggs and pancakes. She smiled. "Thank you, Lady Sif."

"Just Sif, Darcy." She smiled at her. "Jane still rests."

"I can get her up."

"Let her rest for another few moments," Thor said. "She needs her rest. This is Himar. She was summoned by a young witch who needed help."

Darcy paused drinking, staring at him. "More vampires?"

"An older demon who wanted to strip the young witch of power," she said. "She panicked and summoned a warrior who could help protect her."

"Eww. Things like that need slayed sooner." She smiled. "Hi, I'm Darcy. I'm Jane's assistant in the lab." She held out a hand.

"Himar. Training valkyrie," she said proudly.

"Way to go! Not all women are worthy of training or can manage to finish it but I know you'll do great." The young woman, who was probably a teenager, smiled at her. She glanced in at Jane. "She's at the hair pushing stage." She walked in there to move the hair out of Jane's face so it quit irritating her. Jane sighed and went back to sleep. Darcy walked back out with a grin. "She sighed."

Thor grinned back. "She is pretty when she sleeps."

Darcy patted him on the bicep. "We all know that you're in goofy headed love and most of us think it's sweet." He smirked. "Let me go shower and change in my apartment. Be right back." She left, going down to shower, change into real clothes, then brought up her stash of tea bags. She put them on the counter and Sif smiled, taking it to make herself some tea. Himar was sipping coffee but staring at it oddly. "It's caffeine. In this tower, it's like an extra Goddess the science teams pray to," she said, hip checking Thor out of her way to make another pot of coffee. She made a cup just for Jane and brought it in to her.

"She can rest for another five minutes," he called.

"She'll want to clean up, Thor. She's been drooling and your chest wasn't here to absorb it," Darcy quipped.

"All people seem to drool somewhat," Sif said. "My last lover did and I was most unamused at how much he drooled." Thor gave her a shocked look. She smirked. "I may be a Lady but I am also a warrior and there is nothing wrong with me seeing someone who may be worthy of me. He was not but that's nothing to do with how much he drooled when he napped on my shoulder that once."

Thor blinked. "I'd be happy to attend your wedding, Sif."

She smirked. "It will not happen yet, Thor. There's not that many men worthy of my skills and I will not let the Warriors Three be pressed upon my body by your father."

Thor shook his head with a sigh. "He probably wishes you to be happy, Sif. If not, tell him that you know them far too well to marry them. Living in a war camp is very educational."

She laughed, nodding. "Yes it is. Especially about *someone's* shiny underwear."

Thor shook his head with a sigh. "Fandral."

She nodded. "Quite." Jane came stumbling out to hit the coffee pot. Sif got Himar out of the way. "She is not awake for another two cups from what Thor has said," she said quietly.

"I'll be fantastic after another one," Jane said, smiling at her. "Sif, welcome to our apartment. Who's this?" She gulped while staring.

"Himar was summoned by a young witch in jeopardy that was going to be killed by a demon. I was sent to help her but she was doing a good job of getting them free before we got there."

"She was," Thor agreed, smiling at her. "Some day she will be as good as the Warriors Three together, as a proper Valkyrie should be." Himar beamed and bounced a bit.

Darcy winked at her. "Women always have to be better. They always think we're just pretty, not useful."

"Some do see our wombs as well as our makeup," Jane quipped. She smiled at Himar. "I'm Jane Foster."

"I've heard about you. The trainers gossip."

Jane smiled. "Gossip can be both good and bad. Depending on how honest it is and what it's used for."

"They're usually right," Sif admitted. "Though annoying to the female warriors."

"Great, Asgard has jocks," Darcy quipped. "Like the guys who play sports and think they're god's gift to women," she explained at the three confused looks. "He's the best at his sport so therefore women should fall all over him and men should envy him."

"Yes, most of them are like that," Sif said.

"We should introduce rugby," Darcy said with a grin for Jane.

"Don't do that. Asgard doesn't have that many brainless mimbos," Jane said.

"Mimbo?" Himar asked.

"You know the women who are only good for being a trophy on someone's arm?" Jane asked. Himar nodded, she knew a few girls like that. "We call those bimbos. Mimbos are the male version."

"Ah! Fandral!" She smiled and nodded. Sif laughed but nodded.

"He has proven he has skills but when he is not being a warrior, muchly," Thor agreed, smiling at Jane. "His younger brother is much worse at it however. He wants to be a bard." He kissed Jane and got her more coffee. She grinned and sipped it. "Darcy?" She accepted more coffee. He took the bread from her stash. "Thank you. I hadn't known you had raisin bread."

"It was on the day old sale cart," she said. "So perfect for toast."

"That is good, gives it strength for toppings," Thor said.

"Or french toast," Jane said, smiling at her.

"Thor made pancakes."

"Thor's pancakes are good," Jane said, smiling at him. He smirked at her. Himar was giggling into her cup of coffee. "No innuendo meant," Jane quipped. "Sorry."

"Thor makes many girls think such thoughts," Sif said dryly, smirking at Jane. "Then they see the cape and wonder about other issues." Darcy burst out laughing with Himar.

Thor looked at her. "Not likely." But he was smiling slightly.

"Many girls do, Thor," Sif said, patting him on the arm. "You're burning it." He flipped the present pancake and removed the eggs from heat. Sif looked at Jane. "The jealous girls who Thor spared no attention, like your bimbos usually, spread rumors that he was more into his brother. Odin had a few married off out of his sight to stop those rumors." Himar was staring in awe at her. Sif nodded. "Any time Thor took no notice of the pretty girls trying to get his attention. Many thought Loki was very pretty for that reason. His mother was not amused and she married off most of that group out of *her* sight."

Thor smiled, a bit sadly. "I do think my mother would be amused." Jane hugged his back. "Thank you, Jane."

"No matter how long it's been, you'll always miss your mom," Darcy said quietly. "Family is thicker than blood."

Thor nodded. "They usually are. Thank you as well, Darcy."

"Hey, we've all lost people. You're supposed to grieve them, even if it's not what great, huge warrior sorts do."

He nodded. "Many would not but I agree." He kissed her on the head then handed her a plate. Himar got another one. They went to eat at the table. He, Sif, and Jane talked while he finished cooking. Sif knew what Volstagg and Hogun were doing as well. It was good to catch up to his friends. Himar and Darcy were talking about young woman things and pretty men. Himar promised she wouldn't try to take one of the pretty ones in the tower home with her as her intended. Darcy grinned at that promise then pulled up pictures of the Avengers.

Himar moaned, touching one. "That one uses a bow?"

"He does. That's Clint. Codename Hawkeye."

"He is very nice looking. He would make a good mate."

"Ask him," Darcy quipped. "He has to agree or you'll have to face off with Natasha when she steals him back."

Himar pouted. "Is he hers?"

"They're friends like Sif and Thor are."

"Oh!" She nodded. "I need friends like that in training but many of the warriors I'm training with are not worthy to speak to me. They drool and they make fun of women."

Sif walked over to pat her on the head. "They did to me too. They will grow up some year. Hopefully. Though you are right, none of the ones in your present class are worthy of friendship. You'll be moved to another one soon, but you'll be the youngest there. They may have friendship to offer but only if you act like yourself and not some foolish girl chit."

She shook her head. "I would never be the sort of girl who enjoys ribbons and lacy things to entice men."

"Even my mother, who is the head Valkyrie, enjoyed dressing up," Thor said.

"Even I do at times," Sif agreed with a smile. "You can be both."

Himar grimaced. "I don't like dresses. That's why my mother found me a tutor. She said since I could not be a traditional woman I would have to be a warrior instead."

Sif shook he head. "You will be what you want to be, Himar. If you want to do something beyond fight, do so."

Jane nodded. "A lot of people treat women in science the same way, like we're playing dress up and making their science dirty by having womanly things."

"Then you have to break their ideas and move around them," Darcy said. "I did in college too. Political science has a lot of rich, white boys. Me being a female wasn't that unusual but my best friend was a minority woman and they nearly drove her out of the college all together. You have to fight for who you want to be."

Himar nodded. "I will think on that. Right now I seem to like being a warrior and I'm good at it."

"Being a true warrior is much different from training as one," Sif said. "It's long hours of battles with long hours of healing in simple camps with just tents. It's scars and cuts and blood. It's watching those around you be injured. Even Thor has gotten seriously injured in battle." Thor nodded, pointing at a scar on his arm. "I meant the one on your stomach." He pulled up his shirt to show her. "That was nearly a pike staff through his gut. His mother was nearby and healed it over the course of a month." She showed off a few of her own scars. "Being a warrior means being strong during battles and training times but it also means you will bear marks from it. It may mean that you may not have the life that other women do. You may not have children. You may not have a spouse. Do you wish to give up those chances to be a warrior?"

Himar pouted. "I think so."

"We will talk of it later, when you have more time to think. The boys you train with need the same truths. The trainers are good but they do not want to tell you this as they know many will quit. Even though everyone should be able to protect themselves if something attacks them or their families."

"That is true," Thor said. "The later trainers told myself to give up being a warrior and just be a politician, a future king. That kings being warriors were weak and could only prove themselves with a sword."

Sif nodded. "They were honest with me about how others see women warriors who are not valkyries. Frankly, I think I took my last lover because it stopped the rumors about my choices of bed partners."

"Tough women often have to deal with rumors of being lesbians," Darcy agreed.

Sif smiled at her. "I had those when I was Himar's age. Now I get ones that say I only like devices."

"No, I think that's Stark," she said. Sif cracked up, swatting her on the arm before going back to the kitchen. Darcy smiled at Himar. "Figure out what sort of woman you want to be and work for it. If you want to be a tough woman, then be one. If that takes a sword or a book or a healing touch, then so be it. Even then, you don't have to avoid all softness. I bake, sometimes with Jane's help."

Himar nodded. "I will think on that future. I do not know what else I could do beyond being a warrior."

"There's many things," Thor said. "Talk to Lord Thisba's son. He has many ideas on that and is always happy to help warriors find a calling that does not include death."

"I will do that when we get back."

"And I will let those wagging tongues know that you were doing good getting yourself free before Thor and I got there, Himar. Because there will be some."

She nodded. "As always."

"There's always some woman who thinks strong women are wrong and try to put them down or hold them down," Jane said.

Darcy nodded. "Bimbos hate being shown up by stronger women. It makes them look as shallow as they are. The same as for every goddess out there, there's a whore trying to hold her down to make herself look better."

Himar stared at her. "I know a few of those. One's my sister."

Darcy smiled. "Not all women learn they can be strong. Though there's a strength to being a good mother. Otherwise you have kids who are monsters."

Sif giggled, nodding. "Weak mothers created that little boy that you train with who everyone wants to make sure won't procreate," Sif told her. "Strong mothers grow women like myself and Thor."

Himar nodded. "If I should ever spawn I'd like to be a strong mother. I hope I would be."

"You will be because you've seen what weak ones do," Darcy said.

"That's a good point. Though I do not plan on spawning."

"Most females who go to war think we will have children when we are ready to retire to teach. Though some do have an accident and have one. Then their careers are usually over until the child is older, which so would she be."

Himar shook her head quickly. "No thank you."

"Good girl," Thor said with a smile. "The healers have ways around that problem. Smart women use them."

"The ones on earth even take out that monthly problem most women have," Darcy quipped with a grin. "For months on end. You can have four a year instead of twelve."

Himar gaped, staring at her. Then she stared at Sif. "We have methods that will remove it as well. Though not very pleasant." Himar nodded quickly. "We will talk about that when we get back. The healers can do that and you will not be able to procreate for ten years."

"I could like that very much," Himar said. Sif smiled. "Thank you, Lady Sif."

"You're most welcome. All warriors teach the younger ones who follow us things."

"I taught many of them to duck pranks," Thor said with a smile. "Because they were annoying myself and my brother." Sif smiled but shook her head. "Volstagg was one such."

"Thankfully all of us grew up," Sif said dryly, sipping her tea. Thor nodded she was right. "Did you bring your gitar?"

"No. I have not played it since I was young, Sif. You know that." She smirked meanly at him. He sighed, looking at Jane. "When I was young, we used to go to sit with the older warriors but entertained them so they would quit trying to send us from the room while they talked and told stories."

Jane nodded. "Teenagers are like that," she said.

"Some day I'll tell your teenagers about that," Darcy called with a grin and a finger wiggle wave at her. Jane went pale and shook her head with a whimper. Darcy's nose crinkled up as she grinned at Jane.

Sif smothered a smile. "Some day Thor will need children but you are young enough to have some for a few years yet. There's no real hurry until you become middle aged."

"Pregnancy is harder for humans after thirty-five."

"That's mean, Darcy!" Jane complained.

"More risk of birth defects, Jane, and if you had a kid we'd all dote on it."

"Darcy!"

"JARVIS, you'd help us if Jane had a baby, right?" she asked.

"Yes, we could all enjoy the first baby Avenger," the AI said, sounding amused. "We have much room for a nursery that would have the best security devices. Mr. Stark would probably adore making baby gear for it."

"Not this year," Jane squeaked, hiding her face on Thor's arm. "Thor? Make her stop? Please?" she begged.

"It is not time for children yet," Thor said, hugging Jane. "We have not proclaimed our mated status yet or anything of the like."

Darcy grinned. "Down here, you can run to Vegas and have it done the next day."

Thor blinked. "That would only happen if that's what my Jane wanted or if we had an accident and a child was already on the way."

"If you wished to marry in the city, it can be done within a week's time," the AI said. "Between the license needs and all that. Someone would have to create the proper paperwork for Lord Thor to sign for a license in any manner they chose to wed. Birth certificates are necessary. Agent Coulson really should have already done that. I'll ask him when he shows back up. That way he has the proper papers to get identification. We'd like to not have another incident like we had in the park with the officer on horseback not believing him."

"Point," Thor admitted. Sif stared at him, smirking at his unhappy look. "He demanded my identity paper. As I do not have one for this realm, he wanted to put me in jail until one could be found, but then I called here and had Pepper talk to him. He apologized and said he didn't realize I was an Avenger."

Darcy waved a hand. "JARVIS, call Skye for me?"

"What's up?" a female voice asked a minute later. "Huge problems? We're traveling," Skye said.

"Slight one Agent Man should've handled years ago," Darcy said. "Tell him Thor doesn't have a human ID card of any sort, or any other papers?"

She repeated that. They all heard the grunt of displeasure. "Bossman said that he'd get to work on that when he got back. Is it necessary?"

"So far we've only had one cop who tried to jail him as a wacko," Darcy said. "Pepper fixed it."

Skye repeated that. "He'll have it within a month unless there's an emergency need like Jane Foster is pregnant so they're speeding into a wedding."

"Not yet but teasing her about that brought up that discussion," Darcy said.

"Great. Thanks, Darcy." She hung up repeating that.

Darcy finished her coffee with a grin. "That way you get real ones instead of pretty good fakes that Natasha could probably get you."

Thor nodded. "That could be helpful." Someone knocked so he went to answer it. "Tony," he said, letting him in.

"I heard you were hiding really talented yet beautiful women here," Stark said with a grin for Darcy, kissing Himar's hand. "Welcome to Avengers tower." She giggled and blushed, ducking her head. He looked at the amused older woman. "And you as well, Lady Sif. Thor's told us about you and how great you are."

"I can be when necessary. This is Himar. She's in training."

"Training happens every day, like learning," he quipped.

"True," Sif agreed. She made some more hot water for tea. "Did you come to flirt?"

"Nah. I came to see where Coulson's geeks were. He called them and couldn't get them."

"They stumbled back to their apartments around three," Darcy said.

"They're probably puppy piled on the couch then," Stark said. "I'll go check on them." He stared at her. "You good?"

"We were fine, Tony. Not like anyone wanted to make Thor angry. The one guy who stepped up to Jane and offered to dance with her, even though she wasn't his style because she was dressed down but looked lonely and bored, his words not mine, learned to have tact after Mew Mew appeared."

Tony stared at her. "Mew mew?"

"She could not pronounce Mjöllnir," Thor said.

"Ah!" He nodded, smiling at her. "She's done it to others and made a lab intern walk off crying."

"Little bitch needed to. All she was there for was the panty express to the bigger geek in you." Stark blinked at her. "Yeah, really. She wanted you for the prestige. Was using the two lab geeks she made fight about her pantyless state as a ladder."

"I hate women like that," Tony said. "So damn shallow." He looked at Thor. "You do have papers. They were in Fury's safe. Coulson said they probably got destroyed so he'll either find them or make new ones." Thor nodded. "Or I can have Natasha fake one until then?"

"I hope I will not need one but so much in this country requires one."

Tony nodded. "Yes it does. Oh, speaking of, we opened you a special account so any paychecks or anything could be gotten to. We included Jane's name as someone who could withdraw if necessary, for things like ransoms. Usually that would take an ID or two but, well, they knew where you came from so they made it like a little kid's account. That way you didn't need ID and Jane's ID was good enough. Also, Jane?" She blinked at him. "Got that identity theft thing fixed finally. So they put all that money back in your account. That way you can quit living out of Darcy's. Also, whoever did the contract did not read hers about her paycheck." He stared at Darcy.

"I read that I'd finally be getting one after three years," Darcy quipped with a smile. "I get one and it's nice."

"You're making under what all the other lab techs make."

"Technically I'm an intern," she said dryly.

Stark stared at her. "Don't make me go to Pepper to talk to her about that." Darcy rolled her eyes but shrugged. "Thank you!" He looked at her outfit. "I haven't seen that shirt before."

"It was in the bottom of the closet. I need to do laundry. Either that or I need to find a great thrift store again."

He shook his head with a sigh. "You know we have a formal event coming up soon, right?" he asked.

"Why tell me? I'm still only an intern," she said dryly. She smiled. "That means no female version of the monkey suit."

He snorted, smirking as he shook his head. "No way in hell." She rolled her eyes again. "You can show up and be pretty for a night."

"Why? So assholes who only see the breasts can paw over me?"

"You're allowed to beat them but not taze them," Tony said.

"Yay," she said sarcastically. "Jane, coffee me please?" She brought over the pot for Darcy to get some more. "Thanks." She smiled at Himar, who shook her head quickly. "So I have to help Jane find a pretty dress?"

"You have to both find a pretty dress or I'm siccing Pepper on you. It's for charity. A local children's hospital charity." She sighed. "And I've already got it planned that Pepper has to talk to everyone about it tonight. I just have to tell her that." He smiled. "Wear something flattering and pretty. Tell Agent if he's here he has to as well." He smiled at Sif then at Himar. "Pleasure to meet you both. Have a good time with Thor and Jane. At least they're not kissing right now." He left to go find Simmons and Fitz. They had to be somewhere.

Darcy looked at Jane. "I have that one dress," she said.

"Which doesn't fit, is fugly beyond belief, and did I mention you look poor in it?" Darcy said. "Maybe I'll be kidnaped instead that night."

Thor scowled. "It is no harm to any of us to do things for charity."

"You don't have to wear a long dress and heels," Jane told him. "You get to wear a tux."

"What is a tux?" Sif asked. Darcy pulled up pictures for her. "Oh, I see." She looked at Thor then at the picture. "I hope they can find one to fit him."

"I'm sure someone can," Darcy said. "They found one to fit Steve."

Jane smiled. "He's pretty but uptight."

Thor shook his head. "He may have his reasons but he's reacting poorly and not hiding them well."

"I'm at the stage of 'whatev's," Darcy said. "Because I don't really care." They all smiled at her. She looked at Himar. "Speaking as someone who's been there, never ever date a guy who gives you dirty looks for the quirky, funny things you do. Never date a guy who picks at what you do, what you wear, or how you talk. Never, ever, date a man who you wouldn't want to woo your little sister that you adore. Because guys like that aren't men, they're slugs in people suits. And if one hurts you, you rip his arm off or tell someone like Thor who can rip his damn arms off."

She smiled. "We do not have many that would hurt their spouses. I hope."

Sif snorted. "That depends on where you are. Some of the outer reaches of Asgard are a lot more rough, Himar. She's right though. If he does not appreciate you for your little quirks and eccentricities, then he is not worthy of your time. And if one should strike you, his hand should meet your sword before a heartbeat is out." She stared at her. "Not many women think on such matters but female warriors tend to draw men who feel threatened because we carry swords that are bigger than the ones they were born with." Darcy got up to hug her. "Thank you. I think."

Darcy grinned. "I didn't think you could make the dick comparison." She went back to her seat.

"Many men think with it instead of their brains, especially around pretty women," Sif said with a shrug. "I have personally cut two off in the last three years because they decided I needed to compare them to my sword in person. They lost. Greatly. Well, not *greatly* but in a personal sense it was great for them." She sipped from her new cup of tea.

"I just taze those sort," Darcy quipped. "It's pretty when they scream about electricity running through their tiny penises."

Thor looked at Jane. "Don't look at me. I used a spork on one guy back at Culver who tried to entice me by flashing me in the cafeteria. I wonder if he ever recovered."

"She's why a whole fraternity will not take a class with her," Darcy said with a smile for her bestie. "They're scared she'll get the rest of them."

"What is a spork?" Himar asked. Thor found one in a drawer and held it up. "Interesting. So it's a spoon but yet has a fork's tines?" Thor nodded. "Hmm. Very useful probably."

"Quite," Jane agreed. "They're given out a lot at fast food places."

"It's always handy to keep disposable silverware," Darcy agreed. "That way you don't have to worry about cleaning it when you're sick or too tired to do that."

Sif stared at it. "We had something like that in travel silverware from what I remember. My father had one. He never stabbed anyone with it but I can see how it would hurt. Especially on uncovered flesh." She nodded. Thor smiled but put it back. They settled on the couch to talk some more. Jane learned a lot of dirt on Thor as a teenager from Sif. Most of which made Himar gape in horrified awe at them but it was cute.

***
Part 3 by Voracity2
Everyone in the tower that night got the order to gather in the living room. Pepper was on the screen, smiling at all them. "Good evening, people." A few waved at her. "Tony has forgotten to tell you that we are hosting a charity event for a local children's hospital in three weeks. In the lobby. Which means you all have to attend."

"Why?" Clint asked. "I hate those things."

"Because you guys attending will bring in more money for sick children," Pepper said. "We haven't told anyone you'd be there but we are doing a silent auction at ten that night and you guys being there will get people more chatty and they'll spend more money at the auction." A few grimaced. "Sorry but it is for sick kids, guys." She looked at the ladies in their corner. "Yes, that means Jane has to dress up." Jane sighed in displeasure. "Think of it this way, you get to be really hot and pretty for Thor for a night. Then he can peel it off you." Jane blushed but smiled at Thor. "Thor, that means you need a tuxedo."

"Where would I procure such a garment?" he asked.

"I can get someone in to fit you, big guy," Tony said. "Not that big of a problem. That's how Steve got his." Bucky looked at Steve, smirking a tiny bit. "That means you need one too, Barnes. You and Darcy get to help me make the crowd look pretty."

"I'm just an intern," Darcy quipped. "Not an Avenger. No one wants to talk to me and I won't make anyone more loose walleted."

Pepper smiled. "You're going to be helping with the auction if I can talk you into it. Please? I need someone to manage the flow and all that. I was going to ask you tomorrow and promise to buy you a pretty yet subtle dress." Darcy grimaced. "Please? I may not be able to get there until a few hours beforehand."

"I guess," she sighed. "But I get to taze anyone that tries to cop a feel instead of unleashing the snark."

"Go for it," Pepper said. "Things like that give the rest of us stuff to talk about. That makes it less boring." She smiled. "Tony, please make sure she gets to my usual designer?" He nodded. "Tomorrow. I'm emailing them for an appointment so you have to take her. You know they'll try to keep her out if you're not there. They're a bit snotty but they're really good," Pepper said.

"I can go retail."

"Darcy, the retail ones are not going to fit your body. They're meant for toothpicks, like I am. Ladies with any sort of bulging anywhere, including real breasts, they look horrible on."

"Yeah, I know," she sighed.

"Good. Then that's settled. Barnes, yes, please attend? It'll mean Steve's not as bored. Give him someone to talk to. Plus you can make sure no enemies get in or help break wrists if they try to rob us during it again. Or beat the ones that try to grope Darcy."

He snorted but nodded. "If I must."

"Thank you." She smiled. "Clint, please?" He huffed but nodded, looking at his hands. "Bruce?"

"Not a chance I'm going to be cooped up with a crowd of greedy people, Pepper. I'd probably start telling them how their selfish and shallow natures were ruining a good portion of the world."

She shrugged. "Things like that are entertainment. Just...try? Please?" He groaned. "It is for sick kids, Bruce." He scowled. She smiled. "Please?" He rolled his eyes but nodded. "Thank you. Tony, I'm trusting you to help me. Thank you, people. I'll hopefully be back there in two days but there's a labor dispute at one of the factories because I made him quit hiring children." She logged off on her end. Stark ended the video on the tv.

Natasha stared at Clint then at Tony. "Include Clint in your trek for tuxes, Stark. His is ill-fitting and makes him look like a teenage boy going to his prom." Clint rolled his eyes and sighed. But he did nod at the end when Stark looked at him.

"I don't own a suit," Bruce said. "Not a lot of call for one in my life." Tony stared at him. "There's not."

"Sure, we can do that," he agreed. "Lewis?" She grimaced at him. "I'll drop you off with Romanoff so you get something hot." She shrugged. "Since you're helping, something dark colored." She nodded. "I'll have your new tazer ready by then." She grinned. "Romanoff?"

"I have a few dresses. I'll figure out which one I want to wear."

"What happened to all the stuff SHIELD used to have for missions?" Darcy asked. "Didn't they have a closet of weapons and clothes and stuff for undercovers?"

"I don't think anyone went for those," Natasha said. She looked at Jane. "We'll bring you with us so you can find something decent."

"I can buy off the rack. I'm a toothpick like Pepper."

"Thor would appreciate you looking sexy," Stark quipped with a smile for Thor.

"I'd rather she be comfortable."

Darcy looked at him, shaking her head. "High heels, Thor. Not comfy for most anyone."

"There are ones that are more comfortable plus insoles," Natasha said. "Otherwise, they're still pinching and make your feet ache. I'll be going to the spa the next day to take care of mine." Clint smirked at her. "Even if someone does give me an excellent foot rub after the event. I'll deserve it for not killing anyone," she finished in Russian.

"You?" Bucky snorted in Russian. "I'm going to need to be mostly disarmed so I don't damage them."

Stark fiddled with his tablet and it repeated a translation. "Oh, yeah. We don't care what you bring with you, Barnes, just no bloodshed unless they attack the group. If they do, then don't let the fainting women see more than a tiny puddle around them. Tell us first so we can move the fainting ones."

Steve shook his head. "I hate those things. Speeches?" Stark shook his head quickly. "What are we auctioning?"

"Some art pieces from local artists," Stark said. "Including a few that need to be picked up."

Darcy looked at him. "They can bring them here. This city has all sorts of cabs."

"Point," Tony said. "She'll send you the manifest and all that tomorrow probably, if she hasn't already. Pepper's highly organized." He stood up. "Tomorrow, ladies?" They nodded with a mass sigh. "Thanks." He walked off tapping on his tablet to Pepper.

Darcy looked at Natasha. "I hate gowns," she said quietly. "They always make me look wrong."

"Maybe this one being designer will help. Wear better underwear than usual."

"I'll try. I have some pretty ones. Strapless just in case?"

"Straps," Jane said. "You look better in straps."

"Point, I do." She saw Clint staring at her. "I do!"

"I didn't think they made strapless in your cup size." Natasha hit him on the arm. "She complained about that once."

"They stop the cup size above mine, Barton. I'm only a D." He grinned. "And if that was for a bet, ask to see the tags in person instead." He laughed. She shook her head. "Who gets to tell Agent iPod thief that he and his minions have to attend?"

Natasha gave Clint a tiny, evil smirk. He gave back a huge evil grin and dialed him. "Hey, May, Clint. Stark just popped news on us that there's a mandatory Avengers wide charity event coming up. We're all required to go and so are you guys. It's in three weeks, for a children's charity, and you have to wear formal attire." He hung up on her spluttering. He counted. Two minutes later, Coulson called back to find out what he had done to May *this* time. He repeated it. Coulson promised to miss it so he said that Pepper was counting on him being there in case someone attacked and it was Avengers wide. Even Lewis had to come. Everyone in the room heard the groan that Coulson gave out. "Remember to get your geeks dressed up too," he quipped before hanging up. A minute later, his phone beeped with a text message from Pepper. "Thank you, I forgot to talk them into it," he read. Natasha laughed.

Bruce shook his head with a sigh. "So it'll be us, their team, and then a lot of snobs. Great."

"Some of the local heiresses have been known for charity work," Darcy said. "Two went on an immunization charity trip last month," she said when Bruce looked at her. "And they actually did stuff, not stood there and brought attention to it. One of them tried to call to talk to you about some of yours but I'm pretty sure they blocked them."

Bruce shook his head slowly. "Wow."

"They've raised millions for a few different health-related charities and for Make A Wish."

"I can accept that," Bruce said. "If they're there, point them out to me?" She nodded.

"How do you find this out?" Bucky asked.

"News programs and entertainment news programs," she said with a smile. "They went to a charity 10K fun run recently and talked about it."

"That's nice," Steve said. "They have charity jogging events?"

"Yeah. Plus any race you can raise money by running," Jane said. "I did that in my undergrad for a scholarship."

"I don't run, I manned the drink station when we did it," Darcy said.

Steve stared at her. "You don't run?"

"No, I don't run. I don't jog, I don't run, and if I'm chased I'm more likely to turn around and do something I hate doing, attacking."

"Why not?" he asked. "You can't run?"

"Actually, I can't run," she agreed. Steve scowled. "I have a damaged ACL, Steve. If I run, I tend to end up in a lot of pain within hours. I used to play youth soccer and ripped it to shreds. Surgery mostly fixed it but not enough. I can sprint but anything over a block I'm screwed and I'm likely to fall down when I rip the thing again."

"Oh. I've never seen a torn ACL."

"Yes you did," Bucky said. "That's what happened to Joseph's leg."

"Oh!" He nodded. "I remember he went lame from it. They can fix that?" Darcy nodded. "That's good then. At least you're not lame."

"I did hop for almost six months," Darcy said. "Casts suck."

"Yes they do," Clint agreed. "And so do torn ACL's. I only dislocated mine by one end coming up. I spent three months in traction after surgery." Darcy shuddered. "I feel ya there."

"Don't remind me. I nearly put you out of all of our misery," Natasha said.

"I would've let you," he quipped back. "I was miserable and the medical team was stingy with pain killers."

"I got super advil because I was twelve," Darcy sighed. "No real painkillers for teenagers." Clint shuddered.

"Ow," Jane muttered.

Darcy straightened up. "As a matter of reference, Steve, how fast do you heal?" He shrugged, staring at her. "I ask because I heard you coughing earlier like you had bronchitis."

"Probably a few days with the right antibiotics," Bruce said. He stared at Steve. "Meet me in my lab, or in the infirmary."

"It was choking on food," he said.

"That's why you choked up stuff?" Darcy quipped. "Because you spit into the handkerchief." He glared at her. She stared back. "Whine, dude. The team needs you healthy." She smiled. "And if missions happen, and you're in bed, you're going to be swearing at yourself. Especially since that would mean me or Jane making sure you took your meds and ate." Bucky was trying not to smile at that. "So get treated?"

He nodded. "I'll let Bruce listen later."

Bruce grinned at Darcy. "Thank you for making sure I ate the other day."

"You're welcome." She smiled at him. "Like Jane, science took over your brain for a while." He nodded.

Jane shook her head. "I've been good for the last week."

"That's because Thor's made sure you ate," Darcy quipped with a grin. "By the way, Thor, great job." He smiled at her. She stood up. "Let me go find things I'll need to add to the damn gown." She walked off.

Steve looked at Bucky. "If I had seen you doing that, you would've already been in the infirmary," Bucky assured him. Everyone else tried not to smile at that growl. "I saw you with pneumonia twice. I don't want to see it again."

"I'd get better a lot faster. Just a few days," Steve said.

"Yay as the girl says."

Steve rolled his eyes but got up and headed for the infirmary. Bucky got up to go with him and Bruce followed, smiling a tiny bit at the old friends.

Clint looked at Natasha. "Do we look like that when you nag me?"

"Not exactly. You're not built like Steve." He smirked at her. She stood up and walked off. "Let me look at my dresses."

Clint got up to go clean his bow collection before someone else nominated him for other chores.

***

Darcy looked at Jane before their trip the next morning. "You need to take Thor shopping," she said.

"Why?" Jane looked at her. "He has clothes."

"Jane, it's about to be winter. Does he have sweaters? A real jacket?"

"Oh. I guess we will. It's a few months off." She got back to work. "Beyond that, I don't see why I have to do it."

"Because I doubt you want someone else helping your boyfriend try on sweaters."

"Good point. When it's closer to time, I'll make sure he gets some. And quit making plans for us to have alone time. It's manipulative."

"Fine."

Tony leaned in. "C'mon, you two." They sighed but followed him down to the limo. Natasha joined them. "Great. Simmons?"

"Has one and is vowing to go on a suicide mission instead. She's never liked these events," Natasha said blandly. She looked at Darcy's usual outfit, including knitted hat. "Are you cold?"

"My hair wouldn't do anything today." She pulled it off and put it into her jacket pocket. She pushed it back and tried to finger comb it.

Tony shook his head. He knew not to help women with their hair unless they asked. Pepper had trained him well. They got to the store and the ladies walked out. Darcy walked in first while Natasha forced Jane.

"Madam, we don't really carry your size here," the salesman said, looking her over.

Darcy looked at him. "That's not my fault you guys only go up to a size two. Though the boss might be a bit upset." She pointed back at Tony as he walked in. "Tony, they said they can't fit me here. I'm not a skinny bean pole anorexic. Then again, I've never looked like I did heroin for my career."

Tony patted her on the arm. "Pepper wanted you to go here. We'll see if the real people instead of the plebes out here can do something. If not, you and Natasha can go somewhere nicer with better salesmen." He walked them into the back. "Pierre, Pepper sent these three to you. Two are attending and Darcy here is Pepper's assistant for the charity event."

The designer looked at them. "Interesting." Darcy undid her jacket. "Oh, good. Most of our designs wouldn't look good on someone with a bit of flesh on their bones." She stared at him. "You're quite...." He looked her over.

"Stacked? Yes, I have boobs," Darcy quipped with a smile. "I was gifted with them."

"You have hips too," he said, looking at them.

"Not all of us belong in eating disorder treatment facilities," she quipped with a smile. "I'm highly proud of my body. Thank you."

"That's fine. It's your body," he agreed. He looked at them. "Though our usual designs would really only look good on the blonde."

"That's Dr. Jane Foster," Tony said.

Pierre blinked. "Thor's girlfriend?"

"And holder of three different theories that are taught to physics students," Darcy said. "That's a bit more important to her than Thor's arm."

He scowled. "Why?"

"Because some of us wanted to do things beyond look like hos for a living," Jane quipped. "Tony, can we find somewhere nicer?"

"Definitely. I'll have to tell Pepper about this." He took them off. "Any idea where, Natasha?"

"House of Betsy," Darcy said. "She does some retro stuff but her designs would fit myself and Natasha better and Jane can probably find something." They got back into the limo. She looked at Natasha. "Do you get that?"

"Not that often. I walk in wearing weapons. SHIELD had designers on hand for us if we needed something." They went to the other store and she walked in first.

"Agent Romanoff," the saleswoman said with a smile. "Dr. Foster!" She beamed. "My sister was talking about your theories over dinner. The rest of us had no clue but she really likes your stuff. Made Mom have a headache over Thanksgiving but she's happy."

Jane smiled. "It's great to hear some people want to carry on my work and make new things of it. This is my assistant Darcy. Pepper's talked us into going to the Stark charity ball in three weeks. Pepper's choice only wanted to dress me because I'm tiny and have no breasts."

The saleswoman nodded, looking at Tony. "Pierre," he said.

"Yeah, he's a snob about boobs. He's gay so they disgust him or something. The head designer's in the back." She led them back there. "Ma'am, special clients," she called. The door opened. "This is Dr. Foster, her assistant Darcy, and Agent Romanoff being escorted by Mr. Stark for their charity ball in three weeks." She left.

The designer looked at them. "Just attending?"

"Pepper's nagged me into helping the silent auction," Darcy quipped with a grin. "Thank you for not sneering because I have curves."

She looked her over. "You have good curves. Womanly curves. Women should always have some curves."

"Pepper sent them to Pierre," Tony said.

"Ah!" She nodded. "He hates women anyway." She let them in there. "Any needs in particular?"

"I look best in straps and its probably got to be dark," Darcy said. "Tasteful."

"I can do that. I have an older one that would look fantastic on you with some fitting." She went to get it and sent Darcy to a dressing area. She looked at Natasha. "Black or gray?" she asked.

Natasha smiled. "I can wear colors."

"I've seen you at battles."

"Either would be fine."

She smiled and got to work on her. Jane's was easily crafted and nicely pretty. Darcy came out and let Tony zip her up. "Hmm, bit tight," she said. "But easily fixed." She came over to look at it. "Let me get one other thing. It's in navy blue." She went to find it. It had a square, slouchy neckline held up by thin straps and it was fitted down the body in a fit-and-flare silhouette. Darcy tried that on instead. That worked and it was a bit loose so it could be fitted. It did give her a bit too much cleavage but they could fix that too.

Jane stared. "I haven't seen you in something that form fitting," she said. "Huh." Darcy smirked at her. "I need a padded push up bra."

"Viccie's sells those," Darcy quipped. "Like the purple one Thor ripped." Jane blushed.

Natasha shook her head. "I cannot shop there." The assistant back there had fabric out to drape on her. She picked one. "I like the pattern on this. Very subtle and not flowery yet delicate."

"We can do that." She got Darcy pinned and came over to design something simple yet classic, something old Hollywood. Jane got a simple slip dress with some design around the bodice to make it look bigger. They smiled and Tony paid for it. The ladies left with him, getting lunch at Darcy's insistence since Jane hadn't eaten and neither had Tony. He let them nag him into it so that was fine.

***

Darcy walked up to Thor that afternoon, pushing him onto the couch to stare at him. "Jane said I was being manipulative."

"Why?" he asked, smiling at her. Their girlish spats were sometimes very amusing.

"I pointed out that the winter months were coming on fast and you could use some stuff like sweaters. Unless there's a godly gift to let you survive snow?"

He shook his head. "No, there's not. Why would that be manipulative?"

"Because I pointed out that Jane would probably like to help you shop for sweaters and pants." She held up something. "It's Jane's jacket, which she thinks is fine."

"How cold can it get?" he asked, staring at it. It was a bit ripped up.

She pulled up the average monthly temperatures. "This is through the year. We're supposed to have a bit of snow and a lot of cold again." She let him see. "Today it's seventy-five in here and about eighty-two outside but within two weeks, winter clothes are coming out so they'll be on sale."

He went outside to check the temperature then came back in. "That's a drastic difference if a mere ten degrees feels the difference between out there and in here."

She nodded. "Exactly. We had some cold in New Mexico. Especially at night. It's going to get colder and windier here because of the air off the water and coming down from Canada. My suggestion was she take you to do that so she could approve of all the new sweaters and stuff. She said it's manipulative of me to arrange for you two to go shopping."

He smiled. "It is something needed. I know she has a few sweaters."

"Just as holey as the jacket, Thor. She hasn't bought new clothes in years. Like two years. That's even worse than mine." Bucky walked in. "How are you doing on winter clothes?"

He paused. "I have a leather jacket." She held up the projected weather report. He winced. "I need some sweaters."

"Him?"

"He's got the thicker leather jacket and maybe some sweaters. He runs warm."

"Things start coming out in about two weeks," she said. "So sales."

"He'd like that. We both would," Bucky agreed. "Gloves." She pulled up last year's temps in January and let him see it. He shivered. "I'm usually okay with cold."

"Is that because they programed you to ignore it or the frozen stuff?" she asked quietly.

"Probably a bit of both," he admitted, handing the tablet back. "I'll talk him into it. Thanks for thinking of that, doll."

"Welcome." She looked at Thor, who smiled. "I'll work on gloves for her. She won't want mittens." She patted Thor on the arm. "You guys can all find it together." She sent an email. She got one back fairly quickly so she sent that information to Bucky's email.

***

Up in Canada, where the first snowfall had just hit, a young boy yelled. "Dad, Darcy said I shouldn't suggest that we move to Brazil for the pretty girls and beaches because there's bad guys you might have to fight."

Xander came out to look at his son. "I know you hate snow." Darrien nodded, staring at him. "Brazil is nasty and we're not moving. Suck it up, son."

"Fine." He pouted at his father. "Can we at least go somewhere warm in January or so? That way we don't have to defrost in May?"

"No. You can tell Uncle Spike that the goddess up the road is still really looking forward to him coming to her world of ice and crystals." Darrien grinned and sent that email. Xander answered Darcy's second email. He had some suggestions for Bucky's winter needs. And hers, because she'd need to look cute. He knew how that worked thanks to all the slayers having clothing pouts. Darrien muttered something. "Your pronunciation still stinks in that language. Have Eira teach you the proper accent when you swear," he said dryly.

Darrien ran to talk to her. He could talk her into going somewhere warm. She was hating snow already. She said it had something to do with her last boyfriend, but he didn't understand that connection.

Xander shook his head. His son was so cute at times. Weird, but cute.

***

Darcy looked up, shivering. "JARVIS?" she called. "Can you please turn the temperature up?" No answer. She stood up, looking around. "JARVIS?" Still no answer. She started to call again but went up the hall to check on Stark. He was passed out on his table, shivering and slightly blue. It looked like he had been asleep when the heat went out. She tried the phone to get Bruce's help. The phones didn't work. She hauled Tony up, making him moan. "C'mon, Tony. You're going to the infirmary." He started to struggle. "It's Darcy, I've got you." She hauled him up to the infirmary.

"Guys, he's got hypothermia." They gave her funny looks. "It's eighty in here but it's all of twelve degrees in the labs! Go check the hall." They took Tony to get warm. She headed back down. Bruce wouldn't come out of his meditation when she pounded on his locked lab door. She checked the other labs on that floor. Almost all empty. All locked though. She turned and found a demon there. "Fuck." She zapped it with her new tazer and ran off calling. "Dara, Darcy Lewis. Greenish, jewel on the forehead.... Smash it to kill them. Yeah, here. At least two."

She hung up and texted as she went back to Bruce's lab. "Bruce!" No answer. "Fuck!" She looked. Three more demons coming toward her. "BANNER!" No answer. She picked up some metal rebar that Tony had been fiddling with and left all over the labs. She swung at the first one. It ducked but she got the second in the throat. She took off running when they tried to grab her. "Damn it!" She spotted something and ran for the lab alarm. Her leg was killing her but it had to happen. The others had to know. She hit it and the lock down started. That overrode most everything. The elevator on that end of the hall read 'key use only' on any button she tried. She ran out and went to hide for a few minutes. The demons were heading for Stark's lab but the lock down would keep them out. She sent out an Avengers wide message.

//Any Avengers heading back to the tower?//

Then she called Pepper's assistant. "It's Darcy Lewis and it's kind of an emergency. I'm pretty sure only Pepper and Tony would know but he's in the infirmary due to hypothermia. We have demons in the lab and they've jammed the elevators and the thermostat. It's like twelve degrees. Does she know where the main thermostat is?" She listened to the assistant interrupting Pepper to tell her that. Pepper told her. "Okay, 23rd floor, so thirty down from the labs by stairs. Um, Dara told me they're Molar or something. You break the jewel in the forehead. Yeah, I've got the lock down alarm started and they're heading for his lab. He's in the infirmary. I can do that. This floor's all but empty and Bruce would not wake up. He's meditating. Thanks, Pepper." She hung up. She had answers.

//Thor, Steve, and I are across town,// Bucky sent. //Big danger? HYDRA?//

//Ten minutes out with Natasha,// Clint sent.

She sent out a new message. //Demons invading the lab to get Stark tech. Lab is under lock down alarm. They have screwed with the elevators and electrical systems. Thermostat is down to nearly zero. It's on 23rd on the east end according to Pepper. Break the forehead gems. I'm clearing the labs. Bruce would not wake up from meditating. Maybe in his bio-safe room.// She checked the hall then headed for the stairs at a fast limp. She broke three of them on the way up by surprising them. She ran onto the other floor.

"People, move!" she bellowed. "We've been invaded by some sort of demon. You break the jewel to kill them! They screwed with the elevator." She knew two were in wheelchairs. They were pretty well boned. She found Fitz and Simmons guarding them. She panted. "Biosafe room behind the biology lab," she said, staring at them. They nodded, getting the trapped ones up there. "Break the jewels if they find you."

"We can help," Fitz said.

"Good!" She handed him her piece of rebar. "Electronic supply closet is on 23rd. That's where the main thermostat is. Downstairs is half this temp."

He nodded, following her. "Going down," he called.

"I'll get something to help once I get them safe," Simmons called back. "I've alerted Coulson. He's within a half hour."

"Great," Darcy said. "Clint's ten out with Natasha. Bucky, Steve, and Thor are across town. Tony's in the infirmary with hypothermia." She nodded. They went down. A few demons were trying to come up. She tazed one and he smacked one on the jewel with the rebar. Didn't break. She switched with him and hit one, knocking it down the stairs at least. She heard running. "Break the jewel."

"We heard," Natasha said, shooting those in the forehead jewel. "Bruce?"

"Meditating. I couldn't get him out. Tony's in the infirmary." Natasha opened the door and shivered. "I know, and JARVIS is down too."

"We can handle this," Natasha said. "Fitz, can you shoot?"

"I'm not a terribly good one. I suppose even a bad shot will harm them." She handed over a spare gun. They went to free the lab. They found Bruce staring and she pointed. He pointed at Jane's lab so Darcy went in there to get them out while the others freed Tony's lab. Fitz followed her in a minute later with Natasha letting out Bruce. "Why would they want Jane's work?" he demanded.

"They can probably warp it to open other portals," Darcy said, swinging and killing another one. Natasha shot the other two in there. Darcy stared at her, smiling. "Thank you!"

"Welcome. We'll do a level-by-level."

"Elevators are stuck, need an override key," Darcy warned. "Thankfully the infirmary is on this floor for Tony. He was blue and barely groaning."

"His lab was half the temperature of the rest of this floor," Natasha said. "You two, make sure the other geeks are safe then find a safe room. Simmons as well." They nodded. She looked at Bruce. "You can help them."

"They'll listen to Darcy when they won't listen to me." He followed, taking one of her spare weapons and some more of the rebar. "Break the jewel she said?" Natasha nodded. "Okay. What are they?"

"Mohra demons," Clint said, coming out of the elevator shaft. "I ran into Dara rushing in. She's starting on the lower levels so we can do the top ones. They do heal unless you break the jewels." The other two avengers nodded. "Who got these?"

"Darcy got at least three herself," Natasha said. "I've shot six." He nodded. They cleared that floor then moved upstairs. Two more trying to get into the safe room the geeks were trapped in. They went down and they checked the other floors. They ran into the slayer on the lower floors and she pointed at one. "What's that?" Natasha asked.

"He can psychically merge with electronics to hack," she said dryly. "Probably how they did it." They nodded. "No good way to kill it without it exploding so I tied it up."

"We can handle that," Clint agreed. They moved on to get the other floors. The others were showing up thanks to Thor getting them up to their common floor. "Break the jewel, guys." They nodded. "We've cleared all but this floor and the next three that are the gym and all that." They went up to do that. Clint looked around. "Apartments." They checked and ran into a few in Natasha's rooms and one in Jane's apartment. All killed and their bodies dragged out.

Dara stared. "That's most of a clan. What do they think they'll get from here?"

"Dr. Foster, who works with Darcy, is rebuilding the Bifrost," Natasha said.

Dara groaned, shaking her head. "Oh, god, they're going to want her so hard to get some of the old portals reopened! We had a cataclysmic closing of a lot of cross-realm portals closing a few years back after the battle in LA. Closing that one broke some other ones. It's closed immigration points and escape methods, plus a lot of very old portals." She leaned on a couch's back. "Let me call Xander. He told us to watch out for Dr. Foster being taken but not why." She called him.

"It's me. A whole troupe of Mohra demons attacked Stark tower." She listened. "Him and Dr. Foster. Who Darcy works for." She listened. "Exactly. Rules?" She nodded. "We'll talk to her about it soon? Great. Thanks. Yeah, I can take the night off to watch the sprout. He'll probably like my view," she said dryly. "I know I've got help coming for that anniversary party. I have to put up with Buffy?

"Really?" she whined. "Can't I have Faith at least?" She grimaced. "No, if the choice is Buffy or Kennedy and Cho, I'll take Buffy. Yeah, here now. Thanks, X man." She hung up. "We're going to have a talk with them in a few days. He's going to show up tomorrow to talk to Dr. Foster about that portal problem before she's stolen." She nodded, looking around. "There's a vampire here." She frowned, walking off. She stared at the guy coming off the elevator. "They injected you with vampire blood?"

"Who in the fuck knows," he growled. "Who are you?"

"Dara."

"Thank you for helping me the other day. Is it that recent?"

"Yeah, they may have tried to taint you. It'll wear out in about a year or so." He nodded once. "We clear?" They all nodded. "I'll bring Xander tomorrow so he can talk to Dr. Foster about what the hell the demons were thinking. Maybe they can figure out something so they don't try it again."

"Why would we worry about that?" Natasha asked. "We can remove them for it."

Dara stared at her. "Mohra are a warrior culture, Agent Romanoff. They do things as warriors and they have an honor code. They hardly ever hire themselves out. Most likely they acted right now because two of the realms are presently going through one hell of a civil war with no way off them. They're thinking genocide is the nicest thing going on there." Natasha shuddered. "Xander plays poker with the mate of a lower warrior. Let him ask what they were thinking and then he'll be here tomorrow to tell everyone." They all nodded. She looked at the tall, buff guy in front of her. "Including you."

"Thanks. The others?"

"Lab staff still down there are locked in safe rooms while the lock down alarm is on," Clint said. "It's a safety measure in case of invasion. The safe rooms have separate environmental controls and air scrubbers." Bucky nodded.

"I had Darcy and Fitz helping me. Simmons was clearing their floor as two are in wheelchairs. She said Stark's in the infirmary with hypothermia and JARVIS was turned off."

"Okay, we can handle it," Bucky said. "The bodies?"

"They may want them back," Dara said. She texted Xander, shaking her head. "They will. They'll consider it a huge insult if you burn them."

"Then we'll stick them in a specimen freezer," Natasha said, getting nods from the others. They went to gather them and do that. Steve scowled at it. "They probably wanted Jane to open portals so two realms being overrun by a nasty civil war could escape," she said. "They're warriors and will want their bodies back. We're not going to make this any harder than we have to."

"I've tossed two," he admitted, going to get them. Thankfully that system was offline too.

Bruce went to the infirmary. All the lab staff was sent in there by Simmons. "We good?" he demanded.

"Yes," they mostly said.

One raised her hand. "What were they?"

"They wanted Jane to help them open portals," Bruce said. "Maybe even for a good reason." They all grimaced. "Jane, someone's showing up tomorrow to talk about it."

"Why would I care?"

"Two of the realms are having huge civil wars." She slumped, staring at him. "Xander will be here tomorrow." He looked at Darcy, whose knee had an ice pack on it. "You good?"

"Didn't retear it," she quipped. "I'm just glad we managed it until you guys got here."

"You did good," Bruce said. "You got the labs in lock down. You handled Tony's injury. You were handling it well." She grinned. "Rest, kiddo." He walked off.

Jane looked at Darcy. "You killed some."

"You bet I did. That's me or them. I'm not suicidal."

"Good!" She hugged her. "I'm glad you're okay." She went to check on the others. Thor was scowling. "What's this about portals?"

The guy that appeared shook his head. "It was about all the closed portals." The kid behind him peeked around his side. He grinned at him. "Sit and wait. We'll go to the hotel later." He sat down and grabbed a magazine to look through. He looked at her, sighing a bit. "During the battle in LA we had to close a massive portal. Wolfram and Hart built it on the backs of the local portals that were immigration points and escape hatches." She nodded slowly. "Us having to blow up the portal...."

"Did what I did when I took my hammer to the Bifrost," Thor said. Xander nodded. "Was it built on that?"

"Not that we can tell. We did see some flashing through the remaining portals."

"Why can't they use those?" Jane asked.

"Because they don't go to the right places. The ones that are going to the four horrible civil wars, because two just broke out yesterday against tyrants from what little we've heard, are stuck without the ones that went there. They were the only ones that entered some of those worlds. One of them is the Mohra home world." She nodded, sitting down on a chair, staring at him. "So they were hoping you could tell them how to reopen them."

"They can't ask?"

"What's left of SHIELD filtered it. I got told they tried and now they're panicking."

She groaned, rubbing her forehead. "I don't want anyone to suffer."

"One went nuclear late last night from what little information we've heard. One species can see onto closed realms." She grimaced. "They're the ones that have given out information and the Mohra clans decided together to find a way to open them. The local ones noted you were here because they're scared and respectful of Thor, but they'd really like it if you could figure out how to reopen them quickly."

She winced. "I'm not against that. I'm against them attacking here and trying to steal my research."

"They were going to ransom anyone they could to get you to talk to them and they were expecting SHIELD's remains to be here and be protecting people. They did apologize for that and they will bring a formal apology to the meeting tomorrow if you're willing to listen." She nodded she would. The others as well. He tossed over a book. "That is from one of the traveler clans, who are peddlers to a bunch of realms. That's how they do realm portals."

She flipped to the stuff. "Is that in magic?"

"It's magic that opened it. In this case, magic is just a different stream of energy. The Mohra clan have a whole group of magic users who are waiting to give all their energy to reopen them."

"Their all?" she asked.

He nodded. "They want them open so badly they're willing to commit suicide by leaching all their energy to do so."

She grimaced but nodded. "I can see why. Let me look." He nodded. "The meeting?"

"Noonish? Can we do it here or should I arrange it in my hotel room?"

"Here," she said. "They have to apologize to Tony."

"Agreed. Though...agents?" He looked at Natasha.

"I will speak with any that are here," she promised. "That's too important to risk." He nodded. His son hopped up when he waved and they left together.

Jane looked at Thor. "If it can help ease suffering, I would not argue with you helping them," he told her. She smiled. "Is Lady Darcy all right?"

"Leg's swollen from that problem. She's on a bed with an ice pack."

"I was surprised, she had a good swing," Clint said. Natasha nodded. "She killed a few."

Jane smiled. "Darcy is pretty surprising sometimes." She went down to her lab to look over the book with Eric's help when she called him and Coulson's geek team in. Coulson could complain to Steve about things.

***

Xander opened his hotel room door, nodding Jane and Tony in, with Thor following them. "Thanks for coming, guys. It means a lot." He checked the hall and glared at the agent out there. "Don't even try."

"I'm only here in case Mr. Stark or Dr. Foster need help, Mr. Harris," he said, standing straighter. "We have no intention of coming in to bother anyone. Director Coulson was absolutely clear on that point."

"Good." He closed the door. He looked at the ones meeting there. Darrien was helping the two lower warriors make sure everyone had bottled water and cookies. "Thank you, Darrien."

"I'll go play with Auntie Buffy next door," he sighed, heading down the hall. "Daddy, can I smite the agent giving me bad looks?" he called.

"If he touches you I get to kill his ass," he called back.

"I'm not, sir, just making sure he's not sneaking out," the agent said.

"Dude, my dad can track," Darrien said dryly. "He did plenty of it working with my mother in Africa." He knocked on the other door. "They're talking so you've got help doing your hair." He grinned.

"Sure, kiddo. Come help me braid my hair." He came in to do that.

Xander closed the hall door again, shaking his head as he looked up. Jane smiled at him. "Sometimes my son is the most weird thing ever."

"Children and other spawn can be," the head warrior said. He looked at them. "We did not want to invade but we were worried that agents would continue to not let us talk to Dr. Foster. We tried our best to not harm your people, Mr. Stark. The warriors thought lowering the temperature would drive most of them somewhere warmer. They had no idea that people who work in labs would not focus on that. I apologize greatly for invading your home and fortress to gain help."

"Invasions aren't usually seen as a plea for help. Why didn't you contact me?" Tony asked.

"We did try. The young tried to use the new communication methods." One of the lower warriors showed him the emails. "Did you not get them either?"

He stared. "I didn't. If I had, I would've talked to Xander as soon as I read them."

Jane nodded. "I don't want anyone to suffer. Xander told us how they're suffering." The demons all nodded. "I probably wouldn't if it was just for commerce but I can't let anyone suffer." She opened the book and pointed. "What little we could figure out, as we don't use magic, is that this is the key to opening the portal?" The head warrior snapped and a being in the bathroom slithered out to help. "I've never met one of you before."

"He is harmless but his kind build temporary portals to closer areas," the head warrior said.

"That's fine. I'd like to know how in case it could help with my goal of rebuilding the Bifrost." The demon bobbled at her and moved to help her understand the portal making process. It'd take hours and much chatting with Eric, Jemma, and Leo. Xander got them dinner and Darcy was making sure the group there ate. By the morning they knew how to open them and Jane had a few extra ideas on the Bifrost problem.

Stark looked at the warriors as they were getting ready to leave. "Xander asked that we preserve the bodies," he said quietly. "They're in the specimen freezer. It was the only place large enough to leave them together."

"We are very grateful," the head warrior said, bowing his head. "If we're allowed, we'll come gather them in a few hours?"

"That's fine. Have Xander call us so I can make sure no one bothers you." He shook the head warrior's hand then Xander's. "Thank you."

"Welcome. None of us want those wars to keep going. Or to spread." He nodded and they left. He looked at the head warrior. "Can you open it?" He nodded quickly. They got up and the lower warriors went with his second-in-command to gather the bodies with Xander's help. The head warrior and the portal making demon went back to try to open them. They hoped they were in time.

***

Xander showed up that night, smiling. "They managed to get to three of the realms. That other one, any safety concerns would keep the portals down. It went totally nuclear and they're not sure if anyone's still there. Unfortunately the Mohra home world but they're going to send through an expedition of beings that can withstand the radiation." He bowed to Thor and Jane. "Thank you." She nodded with a smile. He nodded at Stark. "Thank you as well."

"Not a problem. Next time, have them ask you if they don't get through."

"Two of mine to check on Darcy didn't get through."

He winced and glared at Agent Coulson. "It was not us," Agent Coulson said. "That I know of. I'll make sure of it, Xander."

"Thank you. There's still a lot of locked off realms. Between the one in LA and the one I had to blow in Gambia...." Coulson sat up, staring at him, eyes squinting. Xander smiled. "She came out to take hostages and slaves. I did what I had to do at that time and found the portal afterward. I borrowed from the local military and blew it up. Unintentionally blowing up a few other portals that were hooked to it. You'd think a goddess would have more energy and wouldn't have to piggy back."

Coulson sat back, rubbing his face with his hands. "That was you?"

"Did you think it was my shadow?" Xander asked. "Who else did you think could do that?"

"You took down a military!"

"Yup, they got in the way and then they saw why so they helped instead. I wasn't about to let my ass get stomped. And technically I only had someone who owed me a poker debt sleep spell them." Stark stared at him, mouth open. Xander shrugged. "I was rescuing the ones that goddess had stolen. They showed up to protest because they were confused. Sleep spell, finish the rescue, going to talk to the head guys. Who all got really pissed at the goddess. So we handled it."

"Do others have that skill?" Stark demanded.

Xander smiled. "No one's like me, Stark. Why would they have the past possessions and things?" He walked toward the elevator.

"Possessions?" Stark asked, getting up to follow him. "What possessions?"

"A hyena and then a soldier at halloween." He smirked. "It was real handy at times." He pushed the button. Darcy hopped off when the door opened. Xander hugged her. "I tried to email you but they blocked it."

"I'm sticking this crutch up someone's ass," she said. "Sideways." Xander smiled and kissed her on the cheek. "Give a cuddle to the little guy for me."

"I can do that once I pull him away from Buffy's weapons." He got onto the elevator and escaped Stark's questioning.

"I wanted to talk to him, Lewis."

She smiled at him. "There's a biography. Read it. Admittedly written by Rosenburg but it can't be all crap. I asked him about a few things in it and he said he was blushing hard." She hopped around him and flopped down in a chair with a sigh of relief. "I hate crutches."

"Two more weeks," Jane said. They all stared at Steve when he started to cough. "Do we have to nag?" she asked. "I can have Darcy make sure you take your medicines."

"I've heard that Stark made immobilizer beams," Darcy quipped with a smile. "That's even better than handcuffs."

"If we have a mission, then she's gotta make sure you get meds," Bucky said. He looked at her. "How are you going to hop in the pretty gown?"

"I'll barely be off it that night. I'll have a cane if I need it."

Stark looked at her. "That'll still look nice with that dress." She smiled. "Now, anything not discussed. Speaking of, Lewis, where are the plans that were on my desk?"

"No clue, Stark. I only lifted you off the desk and walked you to the infirmary."

"Crap. They never got near the desk."

"Is it maybe in that back corner you sometimes hide in?"

He stared at her. "How do you know about that?"

"Because I brought you coffee a few times? That's how it mystically appeared next to you with food."

"Oh. Thanks. I thought that was JARVIS. Hey, JARVIS, where are the propulsion engine plans I made?"

"They're presently mostly laying on the back workstation by the miniature trial core but a few have floated off due to air flow," the AI said. "You've complained about that many times but haven't gotten around to moving that workstation yet, sir."

"Then what am I missing?" he asked.

"I believe you're missing the new lock system plans and the new location beacon's plans but they're in Drs. Fitz and Simmons lab. They wanted to compare them to the ones they have. I believe they found the locator beacon lacking as it was so large."

Stark got up and went to talk to them. "They can work with me but no stealing from my labs."

Jane nodded. "I feel the same way." She leaned on Thor's arm. "We need to relax."

"We have a fitting tomorrow," Natasha reminded them. Jane moaned, shaking her head.

"Sure, I can hop that way too," Darcy quipped. Natasha smiled at her. "Until then, I'm going to go soak. My knee is aching again." She made it to her feet and hopped off for the elevator.

"Let us know when you want to start looking at apartments again," Steve said. "I doubt you can carry stuff with the crutch."

She looked back at him. "I'm still looking." She got onto the elevator and went down to her apartment.

Tony walked off the elevator and stood in front of Steve, glaring at him. "Shut. Up. I want Darcy to live here. It's safer for her. I don't care *what* you want." He looked at Bucky. "Your puppy needs a leash." He walked off to go back to the lab again.

"Since the AI probably told Stark," Clint said, standing up. "And most of us agree with that, I'm going to remove myself so you two can talk." He walked off. Bruce followed. Natasha followed after shooting Steve a dirty look. Coulson went down to his too.

Bucky looked at him. "Forget your mother being ashamed of you. I am. That's bad considering what I've done in the past." He stood up and walked off.

Steve slumped, huffing to himself. He wasn't trying to be an ass to her. "I really don't want to be an ass to her," he told himself. "It keeps coming out wrong." He trudged to his apartment to sulk.

***

Darcy came out of the changing area, spinning slowly and carefully. "Looks like it fits pretty good. Bit big in the chest."

The fitter smiled. "It's not often we see real ones that large, Miss Lewis. We had planned for the overinflated implant version."

"They can look like watermelons," she agreed with a smile. "Can we make sure I don't trip on a cane? I'll barely be off the crutches." The fitter nodded, giving her an inch of clearance with the floor. "I'll probably be wearing these shoes."

"That's helpful. Is that the same bra?"

"It is. I washed it specially last night." She smiled. "I know to always wear the proper underwear and shoes for fittings."

"Some people just don't get that."

"Some people are more concerned about stupid things like their hair," Darcy quipped. The fitter smiled and nodded. "Speaking of, I adore that highlighting method. Cap?"

"No, just bleaching by grabbing a few strands here and there then doing the same with the color." She smiled. "It's a lot easier."

"It has to be. I tried to do chunky highlights a few years back." She shuddered. "So bad." The fitter smiled. "The foil nearly ate my hair. I swear it burned it."

"Ewww."

"Yeah! Just so bad. Took me until last year to grow out the last burned part." She shifted at the poke. "Um, wobbly. Sorry." She shifted her stance. The fitter got her the crutches to lean on. It meant her hem got adjusted up by another quarter of an inch but that was fine. It meant her shoes peaked out.

Natasha came out to get fitted. "I like that on you, Darcy."

"Thank you." She smiled. "Hopefully it'll be the cane. They said I could."

Pepper bustled in and paused. "Darcy?"

"I should be on a cane that night, Pepper."

"Good! What happened?"

"I aggravated my old ACL injury when we were fighting the slightly evil event the other day."

"Ow. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just a bit swollen and sore." She smiled. "I should be on a cane that night."

"Wonderful you're going to be okay." She stared at the dress. "That is fantastic on your figure. I'm glad you came here."

"Pierre sneered at her about having a body," the fitter said with a smile. "The boss said he was at the designer bar where they go to nag each other on Saturday. She said he was complaining about people being snotty because breasts are natural and about not being toothpicks."

"He sneered first," Darcy said. "Not my fault he likes those who have more skeleton than muscle."

Natasha nodded. "He bluntly said he could only fit Jane."

Pepper huffed. "Figures."

"We all think he's scared of women's bodies, that's why he designs such stick figure clothes," the fitter said with a smile for Pepper. "The last one he did for you hid all your assets, Miss Potts."

"That's what I thought but you know how Tony is if you ask." They all nodded. Jane came out with the fitter helping her. "Oh, that's pretty, Jane." Jane smiled at her. "It'll match Thor's cape."

"He's swearing he's not wearing it to the event but he thought it was a great thing," Jane agreed, smiling at her. "Do you have something?"

"Oh, yeah. I have three or four in the closet at all times. You'd be surprised how often this comes up out of nowhere." She watched Darcy being fitted. "That does do fantastic things for your figure." Darcy smiled. "Sometimes I wish I was curvy." She looked at Natasha. "Closer to yours but I'll never have those muscles." The ladies got fitted. Darcy got to take hers home. She came out hopping with the bag over her shoulder. Pepper handed the bag off to the driver and made sure they had paid for it already. Jane and Natasha's needed one last fitting so that was fine.

They got hustled back to the tower and Darcy put up her dress then got summoned so Pepper could teach her what she needed to know to handle the auction for her. The missing art pieces got called and they were brought over. One was still drying so they'd bring it that night. Darcy and Pepper's assistant took pictures of everything and put together a booklet for the auction. Pepper's assistant was making sure of the catering and bar. Darcy got a short break to go have her leg checked, but then had to get back to work.

***

The night of the event, Darcy limped into the common area, pretty wooden cane in one hand. She had her hair partially up and to one side with faux jeweled combs holding it up. She had pretty earrings. Her lipstick was a darker red and her makeup was simple. Her shoes were shiny. She held up a bracelet. Clint took it with a smile to help her get it on. "Thank you, kind sir."

"Welcome, Darcy. You look fantastic." He looked her over. That navy dress was showy and fantastic on her body. She smiled. "Pepper probably has an earpiece for you."

"Probably. I'm heading down now." She headed to the elevator, nodding at Bucky when she ran into him. "Have fun."

He looked her over. "Damn."

She smiled, swatting him on the arm. "I'm being the help tonight."

"You could help me with stuff," he offered with a smile.

She winked at him. "Ask me when I'm exhausted." He laughed, going to gather with the others coming out of their apartments. She went downstairs, startling Pepper. "Okay, boss. Where am I?"

"Here," she said, handing over the earpiece. Darcy tucked it around her ear. "Do you want to be out front?"

"Not truly."

"Okay," she sighed with a smile. "You can come get drinks or whatever."

"We'll do it after the auction." She winked and went into the back. "All right, people, make sure everything's in order for the auction. The pretty things going out are in order of grabbing. Make sure we have an area for people to gather their new pretty things on the way out." They all stared at her. She stared back. "What? Wouldn't that make it easier?" They nodded. They fixed things so they were in lot order instead of size order. Everything was set up when Pepper snuck back to look things over. They were going to let the partygoers come see things in person in a few minutes. She nodded and let them handle it.

Darcy smiled at the guys. "Fade." They faded into the background and when the 'important' people showed up Darcy smiled. "Welcome to our auction's contents. Everything is in lot order and once they're bid on you'll be able to pick them up in the room across the hallway." She pointed with a smile. "That way you can pay, get it, and take it to the car before coming back to party some more." A few smiled at her. She snapped at one. "No touching please. The artist asked that you not touch it before you buy it. He's a bit touchy about that." She walked over to make the man back up, smiling at him. "You know how some artists are, sir. They're very superstitious."

"I figure that's something for some of them," he said with a smile. "Are you for sale too?"

She smirked but shook her head. "I'm too expensive for all the wallets in here together." She strolled off as smoothly as she could. She heard something break. "You break it, you bought it," she called, looking back at that man, who was wincing. Pepper showed up. She pointed. Pepper went to handle it. Darcy smiled at one of the waiters, taking a glass of sparkling juice. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Miss Lewis." She tipped him with a smile. He walked off to deliver to others. Them seeing the tip on the tray meant they tipped the servers as well, something they hadn't been doing. It was nice of them.

Darcy sipped her juice, staring around. She nodded at one of the auctioneers. "We've got them in lot order," she said quietly, shaking his hand. "Then we'll remove them to across the hall for picking up so no one has to see you paying for things." The one taking the money smiled, going over there. The crew had set them up a desk with a power strip for any machines she might need. They helped her set up and made sure she was blocking the way to the art but easily gotten around.

The auctioneers looked at the broken one and the man Pepper was talking to. "He touched it?" She nodded. "He's done it before to some crystal statues a few years back." They got set up and Darcy got them a podium to stand behind for their notes. The auction booklet was handed over as well. That got a smile and they settled in to handle things. "I believe we'll start in five minutes," he announced. People went back out to the area in front of the stage. The art handlers came out to move the first thing up front. The man who had broken something was already off paying for it with Pepper's help. The art handlers gathered the pieces up for him so he could ask the artist to fix it. His wife was sighing and having more wine.

Darcy smiled as things ran smoothly. Only one person complained about their method of payment not being taken. Loudly. Everyone was staring that way and the auctioneer stopped things so he wouldn't interrupt others. Finally he got done ranting and stomped off. Finally it was done and the guys came out to get food and drinks while mingling a bit off on one side. They were mostly art students so they could handle the crowd.

Darcy walked up to the bar. "Sparkling juice please?" she asked quietly. The bartender nodded, pouring her a glass. "Thank you." She put a tip in the jar and walked off sipping. She smiled at Tony. "You okay?"

"I'm good. Where's Jane?" She glanced and subtly pointed. He looked and smiled. She was talking with Eric Selvig, who had clearly snuck in since he wasn't wearing formal attire. Though thankfully there were pants on tonight. "Go send them upstairs with Thor? He looks ready to smite someone."

She nodded, strolling over to hiss that in Thor's ear. He nodded and smiled, heading up there with Eric. Darcy strolled off to smile at Bruce, who smiled back. "Hey, big guy. You good?" she asked quietly.

"I'm okay, Darcy." She smiled and patted him on the arm before walking on.

"Pepper's assistant?" the shallow little brat sneered.

"No, one of the lab assistants. She's the one that makes sure the lab runs right." He walked off to find smarter company.

Natasha paused him to adjust his collar. "Jane, Thor, and Eric Selvig are hiding in the labs," she said quietly.

"What an excellent idea." He smiled at her, heading subtly for the stairs. He snuck up there and sighed in relief when he walked onto the lab floor. Jane leaned out of the lab sitting area to stare at him. "I've already talked to the smart ones. The shallow ones were circling me."

"Me too," Thor said. "That's why I let Jane shield me."

"I about asked Darcy to shield me." He sat down with them, undoing his tie. "Better." They all smiled. Simmons and Fitz snuck up a few minutes later and joined them. She looked nice enough but he looked uncomfortable. They relaxed and it was better.

Downstairs, Natasha was looking at the rest of the team. Clint was talking to someone. She smiled when she realized who it was. Clint's ex-wife. Tony was talking to a few others who made things. Pepper was chatting with a few other CEO's looking amused. Steve was looking uncomfortable and Bucky was hiding slightly behind him. She walked over to pat Clint on the arm, smiling at Bobbi. "Thank you for keeping him out of trouble."

Bobbi grinned. "It's a hard job but he's sweet about the leash training."

Clint rolled his eyes but he was smirking at his ex. "Sometimes." He smiled at Darcy, waving her over. "Bobbi, this is Darcy Lewis. She's the main lab fussing person. She came with Jane Foster and stayed to nag everyone else about eating."

"You have a lot more patience than I do. I did that once for a mission and it drove me nuts," Bobbi said, smiling and shaking her hand.

"You grow into it. Sometimes you have to be a bit crafty and trick Jane into eating."

"I'm sure."

"Darcy, this is my ex-wife Bobbi," Clint said.

"Ah! You're the one that tried to teach him manners."

Bobbi burst out laughing but nodded. "He had some before we married but yes I did." He still looked amused. She leaned on his arm. "You poor man. Everyone's picking on you."

"Yes they do." He looked at Darcy and Natasha. "Someone needs to go save Steve and Bucky."

"Steve will scowl if I do it," Darcy said. "You know that." She looked. "I'll go save Bucky. Natasha?"

"I can save Steve." They smiled at Bobbi and left the former couple to talk.

"She's charming."

"She's sassy and carries a tazer," Clint quipped. Bobbi giggled and gave him a hug.

Darcy walked over, catching Steve's eye. "Bucky?" she asked quietly. He flinched and looked at her. "C'mon. There's some doors to check in the hallway where the art was." He nodded, walking off with her, her hand on his arm to help ground him.

Natasha walked up to Steve, patting him on the arm. "It will be fine," she said quietly. "It's helping him."

"It is. I hate this."

"If you were doing science you could be with them."

He smiled at her. "I can learn to like science."

She walked him off to where the art students were. "Children, this is Steve Rogers. He was in art school before he joined the Army way back when." They smiled and included him talking about techniques they were learning. Steve didn't know about some of the new ones but he knew some of the old ones that were about the same. It let him relax and stay less alert.

Natasha followed Bucky and Darcy, finding him breathing into a wall and her standing next to him, leaning against the wall. "James?" she asked quietly. He looked at her. "Are you better?"

"Slightly." He took a deep breath and stood up. "I needed that out."

Darcy smiled at him. "You can always come find me and have me bring you somewhere quieter."

"Thanks, ladies." He rolled his head to pop his neck, nodding at the man staring at them. "Just needed some air. It's too stuffy in there." He looked at Darcy. "There's no security system back here?"

"Not much of one considering the rest. This is the east lobby entrance. The draping and stage changed the look of things."

"Oh, that side." He sighed, going with them to check the doors. It did need to get done. They came back and Bucky looked around. "Who are they?" he asked.

"They're the ones who handled the auction. They're all young artists and art students," Darcy said with a smile.

"Then Steve's in good hands." He looked at them. Natasha smiled and let him take her arm to walk off. "Thanks, Darcy."

"Welcome." She strolled off to check the other entrances. She ran into a familiar young man. "How did you get here?"

Darrien smiled at her. "You look beautiful." He held up a flower.

She smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you, precious." He helped her settle it into her hair.

"You're welcome. You deserve it." He grinned. "Dad's going out to dinner with Auntie Buffy but I really don't want to hear that stuff. She nags."

"So do I."

"Yeah but you nag about important stuff. Auntie Buffy nags about stupid stuff like Dad handling big things without a slayer." He waved at someone and she took his hand, walking him over with a grin and a wink. "Hi, Mr. Clint."

"Hey, Darrien. Did you sneak away to stare at Darcy for being pretty?"

Darrien blushed and ducked his head. "Dad's having dinner with Auntie Buffy and Miss Darcy is always pretty and nice." He smiled and kissed the other woman's hand. "Hi, I'm Darrien Harris."

"I'm Bobbi Morse, sweetie. You're very sweet and such a little gentleman."

"Sometimes but sometimes I taunt the slayers about their hair." She giggled and leaned down to hug him. "Thank you, Miss Morse."

"He is Xander Harris' son," Darcy said with a smile. "I met him when Xander came to help me with stuff."

"Awww. I've met his father before. He and two slayers were working near where I was." She smoothed down Darrien's hair. "You're still very sweet but I see your father scowling." She pointed.

"He was having dinner with Auntie Buffy. It's so *boring*," he sighed. He smiled and hugged Darcy then ran off to his father. Who sighed but picked him up to walk off. "Xander, he was quite the young gentleman. You've done good with him."

Xander smiled. "Thank you, Miss Morse. Later, Darcy." He looked her over, making Darcy blush a tiny bit. "Wow." He walked off. "Let's talk about you running off, son."

"He snuck onto the jet when we went up to gather Coulson," Clint said. "Darcy watched him overnight."

"Awww. He's very smart."

"He is super smart," Darcy agreed with a grin. "He's a charming young guy." She walked off to get more juice. "Can I have a half-glass of sparkling juice please?" The bartender smiled and poured it, and she tipped him. She turned and ran into Steve. "Hi," she said, moving around him.

"Champagne?"

"Sparkling juice, Steve. Non-alcoholic. Some of us don't need to drink tonight. We'd look bad to the bosses." She walked off again. She yawned, staring at Tony and Pepper. Pepper caught her eye and nodded. She smiled and almost saluted then went up to check on the scientists.

Steve walked over to Pepper. "They make sparkling juice?"

She let him sip from her wine glass. "It's not fermented. It's a safe choice at events."

"Oh. Darcy was drinking that."

"She doesn't need to be tipsy while her leg is still swollen." She stared at him. "Darcy did an excellent job tonight." He nodded, glancing around. "Bucky?" she asked quietly.

"He and Natasha were checking the exits. This was a bit crowded for him."

"That's fine, Steve. Darla, have you met Steve Rogers yet?" They shook his hand and smiled at him, talking about Avengers things and his shield. He smiled back and chatted.

***

Darcy came into the labs the next morning, following the orders from JARVIS to go to Tony's lab. "What's up, boss?" she asked, smiling at Pepper. "Did things go okay?"

"Things went very well, Darcy. Thank you." She stared at her. "Why is Steve all cold about you?"

She shrugged. "He has been since all this started. I don't know why and I've mostly avoided him. Even when I help make team dinners he doesn't want to eat. Apparently to him I'm somehow evil or tainted or something." She leaned on her cane. "I'm not usually around him so that's not affecting anyone but him."

Tony walked in. "Steve's on a snit this morning."

"What's crawled up his shield this time?" she asked.

"Bucky went home with a girl," Tony said with a smile for her.

"Not me. I went to bed alone after making coffee for the science group."

"No, it was some brainless, booby thing." He sat down, looking at Pepper. "What's wrong?"

"Trying to figure out why she and Steve don't get along."

"Because Steve's being a dick," he said. She stared at him. "Even my father would've said Steve was being a dick, Pepper." Darcy shifted again. "Sit!"

"Shut up. I'm fine. I'll be sitting most of the day while helping Jane. I've got to collate her reports."

Tony shook his head. "I hate doing that." He looked around then at her. "You got asked about last night."

"Yeah, one guy asked me if I was for sale too," she said dryly. "Politely, fuck him with one of your robots because I'm not touchin' that."

Tony grinned. "Beyond the assistant Mayor."

"He was? Wow, I've got to vote him out of office next election."

Tony laughed. "We'd all like that. We got asked if you were the lab manager."

"Only of Jane."

"You could," Tony said. "We need someone to do the same thing for the rest of us."

"I can probably handle a few more but not all of you," Darcy said, sounding careful. "Just nagging you would take hours at a time, Tony."

He nodded. "Good point. So, okay. You nag me, you nag Jane, you nag Bruce, you nag Coulson's team." She nodded. "That too much?"

"Leo and Jemma are usually a lot easier. They're used to taking regular breaks outside of emergencies."

"Fine." He flapped a hand. "That would mean a better paycheck."

"I could definitely like that. Yeah, I can start doing that. Today?" He nodded. "Then eat breakfast if Pepper didn't feed you." He burst out laughing and pointed at his english muffins on the plate next to him. "Good boy." She smiled at him. He ate a bite, shaking his head. She looked at Pepper. "I have no idea what crawled up his shield and died in his ass," she told Pepper, making her look amused. "I've never been anything but pleasant to him. I don't even snark at him because he'd probably freak out."

"Yet last night you made him glare."

"I was helping Bucky calm down. He was tense and looking like he was fighting himself."

"He was," she said. "I talked to him earlier. He said thank you by the way."

"He's welcome. I told him to come find me if he needs to get out of things. I usually want to escape too."

Pepper nodded. "That was smooth, getting him to check the entrances."

"I figured it'd get him out of the way and was a plausible excuse. He decided to check them afterward anyway."

"That's fine. Thank you. Go nag Jane?"

Darcy smiled. "She's still snoring on Thor."

"That's so sweet," Tony mocked with an evil smirk.

"He doesn't even mind if she drools on him while she sleeps," Darcy quipped with a grin. She nodded at Pepper. "Let me check on my other charges." She strolled off to do that. She had some ideas that would help most of the people in the lab regularly eat and sleep.

Tony looked around. "JARVIS, lock the doors for a minute and pull up Steve's reactions to Darcy over the last month please," he said, eating a bite of english muffin with peanut butter.

She watched, grimacing. "I didn't think he was that bad."

"He's being a dick," Tony said. "It's not her fault. Since she got attacked, he's been the same way. She avoids him." The one from after her injury came up and she winced. "Exactly." He finished that english muffin. "Bucky has no problem with her. The others don't and she's done good work. I'm about to knock Steve in the head to make sure he's not under someone's control. Or call his friend the therapist."

"Would that help?"

"Yup." He smiled. "JARVIS, my man, please zip all those and send them to Sam Wilson at the DC VA."

"Captain Rogers' friend?" the AI asked.

"Yup. He needs to talk to his friend about his problems."

"I've zipped and sent them with that message, sir. They went to his private email he seems to check more often. It doesn't have much stored."

"Thank you." He looked at her. "If it was about the attack he's never said anything outside hinting that he thinks she might have compulsions still on her."

"I doubt that. She helped save Bucky."

"Bucky thanked her for that. Steve just scowled."

She huffed. "That's not like him."

"Apparently it is. He's stubborn and it's screwing with his world view for some reason. I don't know why but Bucky's told him his mother would be ashamed of him."

"I'm ashamed of him," Pepper said. "I hope his counselor friend can fix him. Steve was nicer to be around before he went to DC."

"Maybe he had a girlfriend and they had to break up," Tony quipped.

She shook her head. "I don't think so." She rewatched them. It was just the security footage with sound. She was definitely on Darcy's side in this one. She got up to make some tea for herself and coffee for Tony. They settled in to talk about the event last night. Things had gone better than usual and the amount of whining had gone down. It was a welcome change.

***

Bucky walked into Jane and Darcy's lab, leaving her a sandwich from her favorite deli. She smiled at him. "You didn't have to do that."

"You kept me from having an incident last night. You deserve it." He winked and walked off.

"Thank you, Bucky," she called. She opened it and dug in. It was lunch time. Jane was staring. She gave her a quarter of it. Jane grinned and ate, but frowned at the mustard. Oh well. They ate and got back to work. Darcy had great ideas about how to make it easier for the lab staff, she was drafting them out in between bursts of data to be collated.

Tony walked in. "You ordered?"

"Bucky brought it to her," Jane quipped.

"That's sweet." He looked at her drawings. "Why?" he asked.

"Because if there's things that have food around they might use them," Darcy said. "Especially if we put the coffee maker in there instead of the area by the elevators." She smiled at him. "Plus sitting areas so they can stop and talk to others about ideas that're stuck."

"They won't use it."

Darcy took him up the hall and pointed at the safe room. She had already put two couches in there and a cheap coffee maker. There was Bruce talking with a few other lab people about their problems. Tony walked in to help. Darcy smiled when she got him some of the pizza out of the box on the table. He ate and talked and it made him happy.

Tony came in a few hours later, smiling at her. "Okay, you're right. What do we need?"

"That blank storage room no one uses and a few other places to sit and eat." She handed over the ideas. "Free vending machines with at least half of them being healthy food. You can have the sandwich lady in the lobby do that for you daily if she includes things. Guards with clearance can stock for her or watch her stock things."

He blinked, nodding. "Day beds over couches?"

"You can do both. Couches are comfy but not everyone can sleep on the couches. Right now, if we have to use the safe room there's not enough seats for everyone on the floor. There's no emergency first aid kit, because we'd be locked in so no infirmary service. We could use bottled water service and that stuff for long time storage in case something happens."

"More than four hours would require food and water, plus resting sources," he agreed. "Huh. There's the extra area upstairs too." He walked off. "Thanks, Lewis."

"Welcome, boss. Remember, some scientists eat nuts and things and some can't. The ladies in lab three are allergic."

"I can do that too."

Darcy smiled at Jane, who was staring at her. "I asked before I made the brownies."

"That's sweet of you. Do we have any brownies?"

"If you go down to the lady in the lobby before she leaves." She checked the clock. "In fifteen minutes." Jane got up and went to do that. Darcy grabbed the stuff she still needed to work on and input them.

Coulson walked in. "Miss Lewis?"

"Busy collating, Agent Coulson. What's wrong?" She looked at him.

"You are aware you're not allowed near Drs. Simmons and Fitz's work?"

"You do realize I'm now their lab manager?" she asked dryly. He scowled. "Stark's orders. Go take it up with him. Beyond that, they don't need me to collate reports, just make sure they eat, rest, and come out of the lab at times."

He huffed and went to talk to Stark. "She can't be the lab manager over my people."

"Shut up," Stark said from inside his suit. "She's seen more classified things than you think and it's not up to you who does lab managing in my labs, Coulson." He came out to stare at him. "Not like she's going to sell things to HYDRA."

"How can you be sure?"

"Did whatever infected Rogers' brain hit yours?" he demanded. Coulson flinched back because Tony looked like he was going to punch him with that wrench in his hand. He had never seen Stark that angry before. "Seriously." Tony put down his wrench, staring at him. "I don't know what you *think* you know but I'll be damned."

"She's consorting with vampires."

"She got fucking raped by them," Tony shot back, glaring now. Coulson shrank back, shaking his head. "Yeah! They took her from a sports bar by compulsion. It's not really consorting." He stared at him. "Get the fuck out of my building before I throw you off the roof." Coulson stomped off. Tony caught his temper and went to check on Darcy, who was quietly typing to some music. "Found out some of the problem."

"I heard. JARVIS told me." She looked at him. "Thanks."

"Not a problem. He's a damn moron and I'm about to sic Romanoff on him."

"You don't have to fight my battles for me, Tony. If I wanted him ruined, I'd go hit him." Tony smiled and left again. "Get a double pot for in there. That way they can have hot water for tea."

"I can do that, Miss Nag."

"Thanks." She got back to work. "JARVIS, is he still in the building?" she asked quietly.

"Yes, Miss Lewis, he is. He's in the gym."

"Great." She saved stuff, shut it down, and went down there. She walked over to Coulson and hit him as hard as she could, knocking him down. "I don't need someone to fight my battles for me. If you have a problem with me, you come to me, jackass." She stared at him. "I hope like hell you go through what I went through some day. I normally wouldn't wish it on anyone but you've earned it." She walked off. "Have fun with that."

"I ...." He stood up, touching his broken lip. "Miss Lewis, I didn't know," he said, following her.

She glared from in front of the elevator. "Aren't you supposed to be some sort of senior agent sort? The type to go find intelligence information and then act on it? How great you must be at your job." She got onto the elevator. "Don't come near me or Jane ever again, Coulson. You won't enjoy it."

"I did not know," he said, staring at her.

"That's your fault." The door shut and she went back to the lab. Jane was back with her big brownie and a cookie. Darcy smiled and came back to get back to work. Jane handed her some of the cookie. "Thanks, Jane."

"Welcome, Darcy. Bathroom break?"

"Yeah, it was." She settled in to nibble, listening to her music, and work on the stuff Jane needed done.

Clint walked in an hour later, staring down at Darcy from beside her where he sat on the desk. "What did he do?"

"He told Tony I was *consorting* with them." She stared at him. "I don't need people to fight that battle for me."

"You did good. I need to work on how to hit harder though." She smiled. "We'll talk to him."

"No, let him suffer. I don't need you to hit him for me."

He kissed her on top of the head. "I'm not. I'm going to kick his ass because it happens to female agents all too often and I'll be damned if I want them to go through the judgmental shit you've been through. So I'll make sure he'll remember it when it happens to one of them." He got up and walked off.

Jane looked at her. "Bathroom break?" she asked dryly, smiling at her.

"Yeah, it was. Because I had to flush the sewer." Jane winced. "Coulson thought I was *consorting* with them."

"Fuck him," Jane said. "I'm not doing a damn thing for SHIELD and they need to leave us alone." She got up. Darcy stopped her. "No, I'm going to make sure he knows I don't want them in my email or anything else." She walked off, going up there. "Guys?" Fitz and Simmons stared at him. "Nothing against you but the rest of your agency needs to leave me and mine alone. I don't like the email filtering. I don't like the way they've treated me and Darcy as if we work for them. We don't work for SHIELD. While I like you two, I'm not joining you there. You're more than welcome to join us in the real world of science though."

"They've been filtering your emails?" Skye asked from her seat.

"Yes," Jane said. "That's why we had the demons invading." She stared at her. "So if whoever keeps it up, I'm going to have to do something. You don't want that." She walked off. "Jemma, you and Leo are more than welcome in my lab to come do science things with us."

"Thank you," Leo said. He looked at his lab mate and best friend. She nodded. "I agree," he agreed. "SHIELD has no right censoring anything of theirs or trying to take it over." He looked at Skye.

"I've always hated that." She shrugged. "How bad is it?"

"Very," Jemma said. "We've seen hints of a lot of things." She sighed, looking at Leo. "I'm loyal to Coulson."

"Rumor on the walk back from the loo just a few minutes ago has it that Darcy walked up to Coulson and laid him on his bum," Leo said with a smile.

"Good!" Jemma said. She sighed. He sighed and nodded. "I don't know. I like doing the good things. Working for the good of all."

"You guys sound like you want to be Dumbledore, but what happens when you run into Harry and set him with the evil family?" Skye asked. "Good for everyone is never good for anyone."

They nodded, going to talk to Tony Stark. Coulson was in there. They looked at Tony. "If we were thinking about leaving SHIELD," Leo said. "Could you help us find a nice private lab to work out of?"

"If you leave us here without your giant brains I'll have Pepper sob on you," Tony said with a smile. "If you don't want to be SHIELD we'll make sure you guys get good support for your work." They smiled at him.

"Fitz? Simmons?" Coulson asked.

"I don't want to be the bad guy," Leo said. "If we're confiscating others' work and trying to isolate and protect them for their own good, against their wills, then that's the bad guy. We're not Nazis. We're not going to allow that to happen. Are you scanning our emails as well?"

"No. I have no idea where...."

"Um, demon invasion?" Tony said. "Proved you guys had been doing it to at least Jane and myself. Which I am not very happy with and it will be ended or else I will end it. All your happy hackers can suffer." He looked at the two geeks. "As long as you're not like that, you're welcome to the lab. We need more smart people in the world."

Simmons smiled. "I'm not planning on making little scientists yet."

"When you do, we have a wonderful infirmary plan and they can call in an OB to help you, Jemma." He smiled at her. "The same as we would for any other scientist or resident in the tower that we work with."

"Including Darcy?" Leo asked.

"Yeah, we called in one to help advise us. That was so weird. Five days of mystical pregnancy but thankfully Xander knew what he was doing. Even when we got forced to see Rosenburg it was okay enough." They smiled and nodded. "Relax about it. You're Stark geeks now." They went back to their labs. He turned around to get back to work. "Anything else, *Director* Coulson?"

"No, Mr. Stark." He walked off thinking. He had screwed up. He had to stop that problem and make sure it quit happening. He called in his present head of technology, who defended it was standing orders. He unstood them and made himself clear with the promise to start firing people and having Stark eat them. She whined but oh well. He paused in his team's lab but they were writing their families to make sure they hadn't missed any emails from them. They were talking about it. He walked off to get back to handling SHIELD matters. He didn't want to lose his team. He ran into Melinda upstairs, staring at her. "We need to make sure we're not injudiciously invading some people's privacy."

"Why?" she asked. "If they're threats then we should watch them."

"We're not watching threats, Melinda. We're doing it to our own people."

"How are we supposed to weed out any remaining HYDRA people?" she asked.

He stared at her. "Not that way." She nodded, grimacing. "Or torturing them or anything like that." He walked off and realized that was part of the problem. He was surrounded by people who were willing to go to the worst case scenario and worst actions as a first action instead of working their way to it. Next thing he knew they'd be waterboarding new hires to make sure they weren't compromised by HYDRA. He sat down, staring at Barnes. James stared back. Coulson shook his head and huffed. "I just realized how bad the rotten core is in the remaining people. They're no longer protecting anything but themselves."

"Steve said he told Fury what he had planned wasn't protection, it was fear." Coulson looked at him. "When he saw the new helicarriers."

"It is," he said. "No, I don't want to do that. We have too much work to do for that. I'm paranoid but not that way."

"You're the director," James said.

"Point. Do you want to hire on?"

"No. I don't want to torture people for information on their families."

Coulson shook his head. "I hadn't heard we were."

"Then you're not really in control, are you?"

"Apparently not." He got up. "I need to go gather people back together. They're doing things too much on their own." He went to make that plan, taking Melinda with him. And Skye. JARVIS hated Skye and he wasn't going to let Stark torment her any longer. It was driving her batty.

***

Clint Barton walked into the room after Natasha, who was following Coulson. They stared at the group then at Coulson. "It's too bad all the good agents are gone. You're left with the used coffee grounds." He looked at Natasha. "I'm not rehiring on."

"Me either. I would not work with any of them," she said. Coulson stared at them. "I would not trust them to watch my back in the field. Why would I? Most of them would like to stab me instead."

Clint nodded. "Yup. Means we're not coming back, sir. Sorry." He smiled at the one walking in. "Coming? We're not signing back on."

Bobbi looked around then at her ex. "I can help rebuild it."

"With them?"

"We can hire better."

"When you do, talk to us," Natasha said simply, walking out.

"You also might want to start with the tech department that's been trying to filter everyone's email. You pissed off Jane Foster, which means you pissed off Thor, which then pisses off Odin." He smirked a bit at her, making her shiver. She knew that look. "Jane's been talking to Thor for hours about that. Since last time it led to an attack on Stark Tower? He's not happy either." He kissed her on the cheek. "Call for dinner and stuff, Bobbi," he said in her ear. "Good luck." He left. He didn't see Coulson slumping in on himself.

Bobbi stepped up to stare at him. "You have my help rebuilding, Coulson. You need all the help you can get."

"I do," he agreed. "Thank you."

"Not a problem. But if that's true, do you want to face Odin?"

"No. I've already ordered that ended."

She nodded. "You'll have to cut cords. They did it to mine and I've already taken out the one doing it." She sat down beside him, staring at the others. "For those of you who don't know, I'm one of the few senior agents still left. I'm Agent Morse, better known as Mockingbird." A few shuddered. "The only two higher are in private service and at the CIA. I'm fairly certain they are coming back soon."

"I hope so," Phil said. "Because they might keep me from killing everyone else in this room for the problems you've caused." They all sat up at that. "In case you did not realize, I'm Director Phil Coulson. I'm the head of SHIELD as we rebuild. My team has been the one freeing our former safehouses and bases. With the exception of a few in Europe."

"Who named you head?" one demanded.

"Fury. Himself." He put the thing Fury had handed him on the table. The former senior agents all winced at that. Two women walked in, one dark haired, one a blonde. "Ladies."

"Phil," the blonde said. "If we're going to come back to the right side I may rejoin SHIELD. You have my sword."

"Thank you, Agent Carter." A few of the ones in the room shuddered. "Agent Hill?"

She shrugged. "I don't know yet. I don't want to step into the mud pit we became."

"I don't want to step into the well some of them have started to dig," he said. "That's going to take strength up top."

"It will," Agent Hill said, staring at them. "I can see why Barton called them the used coffee grounds. No other agents?"

"Not that want to rejoin," Coulson admitted.

She nodded. "Then we'll rebuild, just not on this quicksand. Not until it's straightened out." She looked at him. "I'll help you rebuild SHIELD but I'm going to reserve my rejoining until I see how bad it is. Right now I don't have to worry about being attacked unless Stark summons something."

"Where were you when the demons invaded?"

"In Malibu," she said dryly. "Or the science team wouldn't have had to fix it." She crossed her arms over her chest, staring at them. "I'll get you some better agents." A few were glaring. She stared back. "Don't try it, children." She looked at Agent Carter. "Are you?"

"Maybe." She looked at him. "How is the Captain?"

"Having a moment of confusion and asshole tendencies," he said honestly. "Not even his old manners would work. Sam Wilson showed up from DC for a weekend and started by smacking him hard across the head."

She winced. "That's bad. Why?"

"Stupid things and I let him tell me what he was thinking without finding out the truth. Which means the Avengers will not work for SHIELD but may cover for emergencies." Maria Hill winced. "I've tried to apologize and make amends but they did have some points. Including that we should not be in their emails."

"No, we shouldn't," she agreed. She sighed, staring at them. Then at Phil. "I'll help." He nodded, smiling some. "Starting with that problem. Where are we regathering?"

"The old Beta base is cleared and safe."

She grimaced. "We hated that base. It has electrical problems."

"The others were more compromised. We've been clearing them but we got there after HYDRA more often than not since they were already there."

"Understood. I'll work on that next." She looked around. "We'll have you moved tonight." She walked off. "Let me file for a sabbatical."

"Thank you." He looked at Agent Carter, who shook her head.

"When you prove you're ready for me and my skills. Until then, I'll stop the others from doing the same sort of evil. Call me, Coulson." She left, going to find Steve to talk to him.

Coulson looked at the group. "At least it's a start. We have transportation to Beta base tonight."

"Some of us have responsibilities, sir," one said.

"You can have pets sent for."

"Sir, some of us were married," one said sarcastically. "I doubt I can tell my twins that they're pets."

"They can travel with us."

"No they can't. My wife has a life and they're in school."

"Fine, if you have such needs, then you have a week to get there." They all sighed but nodded. "We need to know what we have on our side, people. Thanks to recent events, I'm going to be on top of everyone to make sure we don't revert, we don't step out of bounds of decent agency standards, and that we quit pissing off our allies. Because right now, we may be living on the back of Stark." A few grumbled. "So therefore, stop all activities that aren't absolutely important. Watching scientists and their emails is not that important and it will be ended. Unless all of you want to face Asgard's troops?" They shrank down. "Good. Report to Beta base transport tonight or let me know you'll be there within a week." He stepped back. The other agents filed out of the room. He looked at Bobbi.

"I'll make sure they get there. And that they stop that. I don't want to face people like Thor." She got up and followed them.

***

Stark looked around his group. He had called the team to assemble in his office for a meeting about SHIELD and their issues. "Guys, I know we've all seen the issues starting. Where do we stand?"

"What issues?" Thor asked.

"The email issues and other things," Tony told him.

"They do it to more than Jane?"

"And me, and their two geeks upstairs," Tony said dryly.

"That is not what good groups do," Thor agreed, frowning at him.

Darcy pounded then walked in. "Sorry to interrupt, but Pepper has a direct need for intervention, Tony. She's having a hissy. A screaming, hopping up and down hissy. The lab out there was invaded by guys wearing weird bee keeper costumes she said. She's on drink four or five." She handed over the tablet to him. "Thor, you've got a visitor."

"The Warriors Three?" he asked with a smile for her.

"Just one, not in armor so a social visit. He's charming Jane."

"Hogun?"

"Fandral."

He shook his head. "I'll see him in a few moments." She nodded and left.

"Why not let JARVIS tell me?" Tony called after her.

"He's down again."

"I'll work on that later." He opened the connection, seeing Pepper gulping scotch. "What happened? Darcy said weird bee keeper people?"

"AIM," Clint groaned. "Techno masterminds who want to start a techno revolution by selling arms and futuristic shit to the bad guys."

"So they took over for Ten Rings?" Tony demanded, staring at him.

"No, Ten Rings was in it for their own selves," Natasha said. "These ones want to rule the world after the revolution they spark."

"If someone has a ray gun, it's AIM," Clint quipped. "They put out sci-fi weapons."

"Great," Tony sneered. He looked at Pepper. "You okay? Happy and everyone else okay?" She nodded, gulping the rest of that glass. "Did they get anything?"

"No." She stared at him. "How do we stop them?"

"We'll pull up the files on them," Natasha said loudly enough to be heard by Pepper. "They're not great but they're annoying."

"How annoying?" Steve asked.

"Like crusty zits to a teenage girl annoying as the last person over their files put it," Clint said.

Tony shook his head. "Never was a teenage girl and I didn't have too many zits. Pep?"

"I'm coming out there tonight. I've put the lab out here in lockdown with a full inventory being ordered. I want to know who these weird people are, Tony."

"We can do that." She nodded and hung up. Tony shivered. "You don't get Pepper that mad without her getting into someone's face and making them wish they had never been thought up."

"She's usually very calm," Steve said.

"Every woman has a temper. Some just hide theirs better," Natasha said simply. She looked at Stark. "Coulson has ordered all that monitoring ended."

"And I believe he'll manage it sometime next to never," he shot back.

"If then," Clint agreed sarcastically. He relaxed, looking at Natasha. "She and I aren't hiring on again until they're fixed and ready to handle missions beyond mopping up."

"If then," Natasha countered.

"You guys all know you're welcome here. That's why I gave you rooms," Tony said. They all nodded. "Thor?"

"I do not like them peeving my lady that way, and I would hope they would stop it before I find a way to stop it."

"Oh, I'm finding a way to stop it. Hackers are a speciality of mine," Tony said smugly, smirking at him. "We'll see what they want to do after I get done with them. Which is probably what's wrong with JARVIS." He picked up the tablet to fiddle with something. "JARVIS?"

"Yes, sir, I am back."

"Why did they turn you off?" Natasha asked.

"I believe so they could grab a few people. Dr. Fitz is presently not in the building and his tracking device has been cloaked. As has Miss Lewis's and Dr. Foster's." Thor sat up, starting to growl. "By the internal cameras they gassed Dr. Foster's suite and took them but not Lord Fandral. He's still unconscious."

"Let me find them," Thor said, standing up. His hammer flew into his hand and his clothes changed.

"I cannot find her tracking device but the one on Miss Lewis is still in Manhattan. Tracking that area I don't see the other two but... They're in the tunnels going out of the city. One of the nuclear sensors just read Dr. Fitz's location beacon."

"Got it," Steve said. "Stark?"

"Go. I'll get Darcy." He looked at Natasha. "Wanna help?"

"Definitely." She got up and followed him out to let him get armored, get her more weapons, and then they left. The others took a helicopter out to the tunnels to stop the idiots.

***

Darcy sneered at the man that walked up to her. "I'm not telling you a damn thing."

"We have our ways of making you talk," he said casually, looking at a file. "Including how it says here that you consort with vampires."

"I was compulsed and raped; I don't consort. If that's your idea of willing then your definition is highly cranked and needs repaired." She sneered at him.

"That's interesting. I'll have that note fixed but it does give us other avenues." He hit her. "Now, let's talk about what happened with the portals."

"Fuck yourself," she said. He hit her again. She did yelp, it hurt, but oh well. "Try it again, mother fucker."

"If you wish." He smiled and hit at her again but this time she bit him. Hard. When he pulled his hand away from her mouth, his skin was still in it. She spit it out and stared at him. "Hmm, you're not pleasant."

"You kidnaped me. I'm not going to be *pleasant*."

"This could go much easier. Since you don't want it that way." He snapped and they brought in a hooded man, releasing his cuffs then pulling off his hood and backing off.

"Aww, it's the pretty motherly one," the vampire said, sniffing at her.

"I don't care about him," Darcy said.

"You already sound like one of us," the vampire cooed. He sniffed at her. "Hmm, tasty." She spit the blood still in her mouth at him. He licked it off his hand. "Thank you."

"Shut up and go away. I'll deal with you in a minute." The vampire giggled and moved closer. Darcy glared. "I don't care if you rape me again. I've healed once. I can heal again and you still won't turn me. And I still won't give Agent Prick anything." He tried to hit her again so she bit him and ripped his sleeve.

"Hey, this is Gucci!" he complained, backhanding her.

"Aww, you poor princess," she sneered in a coo. "Did we hurt the clothes?" She stared at him. "I'm not telling you a damn thing, even if you do torture me. I can guarantee you'd better kill me though. You won't like it when I find you."

"You're a failed political science student," the agent laughed. "What can you do?"

"A lot. You've already underestimated me." The vampire moaned. "You, sit!" she ordered. "I've had enough of your shit."

"They have my mate, Mother."

"Don't call me that! I'm not anyone's mother!" The vampire shrank back. "And frankly, why would I care about your mate?" He snapped at her but she headbutted him.

A quiet clearing of the throat went off behind the agents. "This is sweet. I'll have to send people pictures," the male voice said. The agent spun and got a sword in the throat for it. "Nice to meet you again, Agent Prickless." He stared at the vampire. "Take your mate, leave this city. Never come near Darcy again unless you're going to save her life."

"The others?"

"Gone. Do you think I'd be so casually standing here if they were behind me?" Xander asked, fully sarcastic.

"Thank you for the mercy, Knight." He ran off. His mate was easily untied and they left.

Xander picked up the file and the dead agent's pen, writing a note on it. "I have her. They were going to torture her for information. Xander," he said as he wrote. "C'mere." He got her free and helped her stand up. "I've got you. It's okay." She nodded, sniffling some. "Darrien can fuss, he's really good at it. I've taught him well." They disappeared thanks to his amulet.

When Stark and Natasha got there, she looked around. "Stabbed." She spotted the chair in the temporary room, and the file on it. She jogged over to get it. "Xander rescued her."

"Thank you, God," Tony muttered, looking around. "He's a bit mean when he wants to be. This other chair with ropes?"

She sniffed. "No human scent, no soap, no shampoo."

"Vampire," he said. She nodded. "Let me call him to see what happened." He pulled out his phone but before he could fully dial JARVIS announced a new email. He read it, letting her see it. "Fuck them," Stark said bluntly. She nodded, following him with that folder. They told the other team Darcy was secure with someone who had saved her and let them get the others.

***

Stark walked up to where Steve was standing on the patio area, talking with Bucky. He put down files he had hacked once he had read the original. "I don't like how you manipulated things."

"I didn't."

"You did. You told them she *consorted* *willingly*."

"She did!"

Stark hit him, knocking him back. "I don't think brainwashing and mind control is the same as willing. If you think it is, then you talk to your friend about what he did while under it. Or Clint while he was under it." Steve shuddered. "They took her to torture and were going to have her raped and killed by them. Congratulations. Get out of my building and never come back." He walked off.

Thor stepped out and casually grabbed Steve by the throat. Steve was struggling but Thor was bigger and had a longer reach. He held him over the porch railing, all but his knees and feet hanging into open air. "I do not like this vengeance you have plotted against one who is like my own sister," he said coldly. "You should flee while still able. Because right now, I am not against the bloodshed."

Clint leaned out then walked off. "Bucky, you probably don't want to watch that."

"No, I don't," he agreed. "Are you going to treat me like that, Steve?" he asked. Then he walked off.

"It's not the same!" Steve said, still trying to get free.

Thor eased his grip and Steve realized he was going to fall about fifty stories. "You have intentionally harmed my claimed sibling. You have made enemies of my family. I will give you one chance to make amends but if I should see you before you make amends you will not survive." He hauled him back and threw him to the patio floor. "Do have fun leaving." He walked off scowling. Jane was still crying. She had called Darcy but she was too shaken to really talk back. Xander had her well in hand though. Fandral was worrying and seething that they had dishonored him and Thor's family that way. "Come, Jane. We will go see Lady Darcy." She wiped her cheeks and stared at him. "We will make sure she is fine and if she wants to return or not. She may be safer up there and I believe her savior may have a bit of a crush on her."

"He's nice but tough," she said.

"As are all warriors." She smiled, giving him a hug. "Come, pack for a few days. We will go visit her. Fandral?"

"Of course I follow you, Thor. You need it." Thor smiled and clapped him on the arm. "If Sif were here, she would have left chunks."

"Sif's temper is legendary for its own reasons," he agreed. "Such sleep methods do not work on her usually either. They make her much more angry." Jane laughed. "The last time we had a sleep spell put over the camp, the rest of us woke up to her huffing in anger over many parts of enemies." He walked Jane out, but she ran down to pack Darcy a bag of clothes. Thor went out to talk to Stark. "We are going to visit Lady Darcy and her savior."

Tony quit gulping water and pointed outside. "Clint's got the jet ready for you. He'll fly you up."

"Thank you." He shook his hand. "Do not save the world until we get back."

"Of course not," Tony agreed, smiling at him. "Tell her I hope she's okay and I'll be making sure they won't be doing it again."

Thor nodded. "I'll make sure she knows. The ones who ordered it?"

"I think that's the one she bit."

"Good." Jane came off the elevator. Fandral stood straighter. Thor looked at him. His friend smiled at him. "Perhaps you will find a lady love soon as well."

"Don't do that to me, Thor. I'm too young and pretty to settle for one maiden yet." He nodded at Tony. "Thank you for your help." He followed the couple. He wanted to gag at the sweetness Thor used for her but he wouldn't destroy Thor's happiness. Plus Jane swatted hard.

***
Part 4 by Voracity2
Darrien came out of the bedroom Xander had put Darcy in. He put his hands on his hips and stared up at his father. "We can't let her go back, Dad."

"That's not up to us, it's up to her," Xander said quietly, pulling him closer to give him a hug. "If she wants to stay up here and help me with the slayers, she's more than welcome."

Darrien blinked at his father. "Could you maybe flirt with her?" he asked, staring in his father's eye. "Please?"

Xander grinned. "Do you want me to flirt with her because you think she'd make a great stepmom or because you think it'll make her stay?"

"She'd make a super stepmom. She can cook and she's smart. She's pretty. She's neat and likes the same comics I do," he said with a sigh at the end. "If you don't flirt with her, I will be."

Xander smiled at Darcy over his head, winking at her. She smiled back. "You can flirt, Darrien, but you're too young for me and I won't be as pretty when you're old enough for a great woman to be yours." She leaned down to kiss him on the head.

"Could you maybe flirt with Dad? Just to try it out?"

"We'll see where that goes. Right now I'm not in much shape to flirt with anyone."

The kid sighed but nodded, shifting over to cuddle her. "I think it'd be the neatest ever." She cuddled him. They all looked up at the noise. "That's a jet like Uncle Phil's."

"I hope it's not Coulson," Darcy said. "I might end up punching him again." Xander looked at her. "Steve had told him I *consorted*. The same as the idiot earlier got told. It was in the file."

"Fuck 'em," Xander said in Latin. His son snorted. "You, go do Latin lessons?"

"Why?" he whined.

"Because you're being home schooled so learning never stops," he whined back with a smirk. "Besides, if that's someone we have to smack around you don't need to know how to do that yet."

"Fine," he muttered, climbing over Darcy's arm to grab his books and go to his room. "Darcy, you can come help."

"I need to see if it's someone I can smack around," she said. "I'll help after dinner." He grinned, going into his room to dance happily. They could tell he was because he didn't close the door. "Is that the snoopy dance?" she asked with a grin for Xander.

"I taught him. It's my happy dance too." She smiled. He got up when the jet landed, looking outside. "They're here for you." She stiffened. "Not that way, Darcy. I see Thor." She relaxed, sighing in displeasure. "I can send them away."

"Jane would gut you with a rusty spork." She got up to answer the door. "Hi, Thor." He picked her up to cuddle her. "I'm okay. Xander saved me."

"Thank thee for saving the one who is like my sister," Thor said.

Xander nodded back. "Get in here before you let in all the cold. Darrien claims the cold is why he's short. He had an NBA phase last month. You can come in too, Hawkeye."

Darrien popped out and ran over, glaring at Thor. "You better not hurt her. I'll protect Darcy and I know where my daddy's sword is."

Thor smiled at him. "I would never harm Lady Darcy. She is like a sister to me."

"I have no idea what that means. I'm an only child." Thor laughed and picked him up to cuddle as well.

Xander let the others in and closed the door. "Ladies, we have guests," he yelled. "Do not come downstairs without being fully dressed."

"Yes, Xander," a few females called.

One leaned down the stairs, head popping around the corner wall. "You know I can't do that. I'm borrowing your shirts because the heathen bratling I'm carrying is so huge."

"Did you check the mail to see if the stuff we ordered is in yet?" he countered.

"Oops. Knew I forgot something." She ran back upstairs. "Someone zipline to the mailbox! Thor's here!"

Eira bounded down the stairs, shaking her head. "Sorry, we have two injured and a pregnant slayer here right now for protecting. Darcy, if you need clothes I can let you bum some."

"I packed her a bag," Jane said, handing it over. Xander built the fire up higher since Clint was shivering. "Thank you, Xander."

"Welcome." He smiled. "Thor, there's a couch right there and it should fit you three." He nodded and sat down.

Fandral smiled and held out a hand. "Fandral. One of the Warriors Three."

Xander grinned, shaking it. "Xander Harris, White Knight to the Slayers and savior of D'hallan." Fandral stared at him oddly. So was Thor. Darcy giggled. So did Darrien.

"Was that the place with the blue people, Dad?" Darrien asked.

"No. The one with the nuns in purple with sparkly stuff." He shrugged. "One of the nuns summoned help. They got us. He was only about two then."

Fandral cleared his throat. "How did you beat that beast?"

"Rolled up newspaper." He grinned. "It was a dog! I treated it like a bad dog." He shrugged, heading for the kitchen. "I'm putting on coffee since some of you look chilly."

"Thank you," Clint said quietly. He looked at her. "Thor nearly threw Steve off the patio."

She looked up at Thor. "You might need him for a battle."

"Mayhap. Mayhap not. We can keep Fandral here to take his place. He's prettier too." Darcy smiled at that, giving him another cuddle. She pulled Jane down to cuddle her too.

Darrien looked at the ladies then at Thor. "They're both yours?" he asked with a pout. "I was hoping Dad and Darcy would get along. She'd make a really neat and great stepmom."

"She would, and she's more than worthy of your affection," Thor said, giving him a squeeze. "Most men only need one woman and Jane is more than enough for me."

"Cool! That means I can flirt with her." He grinned at Darcy, getting his ear tweaked. "Darcy!"

She leaned over to kiss him on the head. "Latin?" He pouted but went to do that. She went back to being cuddled by the couple. "Are you okay? I figure they got you too."

"They did," Jane agreed. "They got the ones holding me and Leo in traffic. Did they hurt you a lot?"

"Hit me a few times. I bit one extra hard. Then I bit him again and ripped his shirt. He whined about it being Gucci."

Jane snorted. "What a princess." Darcy nodded. "The vampires Natasha said were there?"

"They had decided I *consorted*. They brought two in to taunt me. Were probably going to hurt my supposed friends. When I told them I had gotten compelled and they were pathetic, he let the male vampire in to taunt me and I told him he'd better die. And they had better kill me because if I got free they'd be dead fucks. I'd find some way."

Jane gave her a squeeze. "I'd help. Jemma too. She built a new gun to kill them with." Darcy smiled. "So we've come up to check on you for a few days."

"Thanks, Jane."

"You're welcome. I'm just glad Xander could get there. Stark and Natasha got there twenty minutes later and there's no telling how bad it would be." Darcy sank into her chest so she cuddled and rubbed her back. "We need to make sure they can't come for you again."

"Done," Xander quipped. "Don't tempt me to go more evil."

Darrien leaned his head out of his room, looking toward the kitchen. "Are we going to ransom someone for chocolate again or are you really going evil, Dad?"

"Really going evil." He leaned back and smirked. "I don't need to ransom someone for chocolate. Willow sends it to me so I don't warp the slayers." His son grinned and went back to his homework. Xander smirked at them. "Someone nicely delivered those bodies to their people." He went back to cooking. "We're having veggies and elk."

"Sure," Jane agreed. "Meat is good. Thank you, Xander."

"Welcome. Did you guys check the weather? I think we're due for a storm."

"Thor can calm it down if he needs to," Clint said. "Fandral, there's a seat here," he said with a point. He sat down and got comfortable next to the fire.

Xander came out with coffee and muffins. "How's Sif, Thor?"

"She's good. I saw her recently when someone in need summoned a young warrior in training. Himar did good beating them herself."

"That's great." He grinned and went back into the kitchen. "Tell Sif I said hi."

"How do you know Sif?" Fandral asked when Xander came back with tea and coffee fixings.

"She and I have arm wrestled and stuff a few times when we ran into each other. Last time we wrestled for who got the foe of the moment." Fandral's mouth fell open and a tiny squeaky noise came out of it. He grinned. "Someone there asked me to please take out the thing bothering their farm animals. Someone else had asked Sif."

"I had not heard about that," Thor said, staring at his oldest friend.

Fandral quit gaping in awe and closed his mouth, swallowing some coffee. "You are the one that soaped her armor."

Xander grinned. "You bet I am." He handed him sugar. Fandral put some into his cup and stirred it. He let Thor doctor his own coffee then the others. "I met Sif about six years ago, Thor. We've worked at the same battle a few times."

"You've been to Asgard," Thor said.

"Yeah, and heard a lot about it from my former fiancee before she died. Anyanka always loved the jealous girls up there. They had some really creative wishes."

Thor blinked. "You dated.... Oh." Xander smirked. "Did you marry?"

"Nearly. I got shown how bad it would be for her. How miserable I would've made her. So I walked away on our wedding day. She got her powers back but then gave them up again when she realized she had a conscience and compassion."

Thor swallowed some coffee. "That is indeed a strong pairing." Xander smiled and pointed at a picture. "That is her. My mother once had to banish her to save one of their guards."

"Sif said she had to do one to save a friend too," Xander quipped. "She recognized me from Anya's last picture."

"Ah." He took another drink of coffee. Darcy was giggling. "She was a feared being," he told her. "She helped women scorned."

"She was the vengeance demon for women scorned," Xander agreed. Darcy shivered. "I did find out that one of her last curses is still going. He's still the only flush toilet in his village and area. There's actually people who travel to see him."

"She did what?" Fandral asked quietly.

"The guy beat his wife for not putting the seat back up for him. So her wish turned him into the only flush toilet in the area." Fandral shuddered and shrank in on himself.

Eira came down the stairs. "Don't worry, most of us slayers are better than that. With the exception of the princess patrol and the two hos." She went into the kitchen, coming out with coffee. "I sent Moira to check the mail and the barns on the way back. It's just starting to snow." She smiled. "Hi, Agent Barton."

"Just Mr. Barton. I didn't hire back on."

"Great." She smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "For saving two slayers last month." She walked off. They all heard the squeal. "Moira's clothes are in," she quipped before going upstairs.

"It's not her fault the baby she's carrying is huger than a giant," he quipped back.

"No, he was tall but not that tall," Eira shot back. "I should know, I'm the one that caught them together the last time, before he ran off to join the Mounties." She shook her head up the staircase. Moira ran in and they saw a flash of pale skin, large stomach, and dark hair zip past.

"Don't you dare start running on the stairs," Xander called. "Your doc would be horrified!"

"Oops," she called. "Didn't want to make a bad impression though."

Darrien looked out. "They know what girls are so I doubt you're being too bad. Dad would spank you."

"Latin," Xander said with a grin and a point. "And yes I will. Or you." Darrien squealed and ran back to his homework.

Jane laughed. "He's sweet, Xander."

"He tries *really* hard," he said dryly.

Darcy shook her head, smiling at him. "He's always been a sweet little guy around me."

"Didn't he bring you a flower during that event?" Clint asked. Darcy smiled and nodded. "He also kissed my ex's hand and called her beautiful, Xander."

"Awww. Someone taught him charm." He shook his head quickly. "Where did he get a flower?"

"No idea," Darcy said. "But it was sweet."

"It was," Xander agreed. "I have no idea who taught him that."

"Someone taught him well," Fandral said. "I've gotten many women by being that sweet."

"With who I've dated, I'm almost afraid of who he'll date," Xander said.

"Dad, I'd never date someone like Anya was. She was mean and loud. I like mean and quiet and sweet like Darcy," Darrien called.

Darcy giggled. "I'm not quiet, Darrien. I talk a lot and I usually have music on."

"I love music and Dad likes to dance to music. That works really well for us."

"Pushy," Xander warned but he was smiling.

"Darrien, sweetie, there's got to be a lot of dating before anyone becomes a stepmom, even me. You have to date and talk and learn to like each other."

He came out to stare at her. "I can be babysat really easily by Eira. You two can date. Do you like farm stuff? We have one here. I'd like us to move somewhere closer to warm weather but we have goats and they're kinda nice. We have sheep. They're dumb. The cows are just as dumb. The chickens are even worse but they taste good." She leaned over to hug him. "I like you. You need to stay."

"We'll see. We were hoping Darcy would be coming back with us as Jane needs her," Thor told him.

Darrien blinked then smiled. "That'd do good for both sides. We'd get warmer weather most of the time and she could still work with Miss Jane." Xander huffed and rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "Dad, boys like me weren't meant to be in the snow. I come from equatorial Africa. There's no snow there."

"I can drop you off there if you want," Xander said dryly.

"Ewww. No thank you. I might have to eat lizards again." He grimaced.

Eira bounded down the stairs with a letter. "Xander, letter from Kenya." She handed it over while looking at Darrien. "You didn't mind the lizards. It was the ants you hated."

"Yup, I did." He blinked up at Darcy with a hopeful smile. "You cook nice stuff."

"I do. I have no idea how to cook lizards or ants. Your dad would have to teach me." Darrien cheered and bounced around.

"Stop it," Xander said. Darrien ran back to his room. "Thanks, Eira. Call the girls down there and warn them." She took it to read then walked off shaking her head. "Don't tell Giles."

"Bullshit, Xander. We're going to tell all the girls. That way the freaky zealots can't get us." Clint leaned over to snatch the letter and sent a message to someone. She smiled at him. "Thanks for the help."

"I told my ex, who is still SHIELD, and my partner, who is another Avenger."

She looked him over and winked. "Too bad you're taken, prettiness. A slayer could use a guy like you." She strolled up the stairs because Xander had just groaned. "A girl's got needs," she quipped.

"Go pet a goat," Xander called after her. "Or buy things to help with that. You have worse taste than I do. I had to make the last one lame to get him off you."

"Whatever."

Darcy burst out giggling. "You're good with the girls, Xander."

"I try but they do drive me nuts." He rolled his eye and looked up. He looked at Thor. "Did you know your father tried to ban the slayers from Asgard and helping with an upcoming battle?" Fandral sat up, staring at him. "He did try. I'm sorry I sicced Buffy on him but if your realm falls it's too close to this one."

"Most of us would welcome the help, even from slayers," Fandral said. Thor stared at him. "I had heard we may have one soon. Not when it would come or that Odin had restricted who would help us."

Xander smiled. "I sent Buffy up to talk to him. She's the senior slayer."

"Is she tiny, blonde, and mouthy?" Fandral asked. Xander smiled and nodded. "They did meet. Odin walked away from it groaning and she quipped her warriors would gladly come up to help their warriors plus hit on the cute guys. Then she groped a guard's arm." Thor shook his head. "Odin actually asked her what a slayer could do. She took down three of his guards and nearly got Odin himself but he looked amused. He agreed the girls could come help if they wished, but he would rather they not flirt as our lifespans are so different."

"They can be," Xander said. "At least the slayers last a lot longer now," he sighed. "It used to be about a year after being called." Fandral and Thor both winced. "Exactly. Now the oldest one has been doing it for twelve years. Though she has died twice."

Darcy looked at him. "Faith hasn't and she's only been doing it two and a half years less."

"Faith's been doing it for eleven. We don't count the six months where Buffy was dead. She's pretty normal but she's not exactly diplomatic so we don't let her go talk to people like Odin."

"Is she the pretty, mouthy brunette?" Fandral asked. Xander smiled and nodded. "Himar and the other trainee warriors got to spar against her and she paddled one of the ego-driven males well. He now cannot sit but has less ego because a pretty young woman has beaten him so badly plus paddled him."

"Sounds like Faith, yup." He grinned. "Did she teach the young warriors anything beyond how to spank someone?"

"Much. Sif and the trainers were nagging them so she stepped out to prove what a real warrior could do. Sif was much amused at her and they shared a dinner to talk about their battles. Though Faith had to beat many warriors off her behind."

"Great, she had fun. Faith needs more time to be pretty and admired for her skills."

Thor shook his head. "I would like to meet the senior slayers to test myself against them."

"Come to the next battle's planning sessions, Thor. It's in six months."

"The one on Asgard?"

"Early next year by the visions," Xander said. "I hate visions."

"They are useful," Thor said.

"They give me migraines," Xander said. "Some worse than others."

Thor stared. "You have visions?"

Xander pointed at the eyepatch. "Having the eye popped opened that skill somehow. I *so* hate visions."

"We hate them too," Eira called. "We can bring Thor and Lord Fandral to the battle planning for the next one. We're doing the pre-planning in two days. Buffy and Faith are back. Faith called all the warriors sweetly cute but not naughty enough and Buffy apparently drooled on Loki and a few others."

"Loki died," Thor said, standing up to stare up the stairs.

"Dark hair, just younger than you, skinny little dork wizard in green?" Thor nodded once. "Better known as sitting in your dad's spot." Thor glared. She shrugged. "Buffy's sunglasses can see through illusions and Willow was up there. She nearly got smote. Is that the right tense?" He nodded slightly. "Loki had a bad reaction to her and ended up showing himself when she nearly had him eaten."

"I'm going to kick her ass," Xander said. "Who let Willow go?"

"She showed up because she couldn't find Buffy by scrying," Eira said. She stared at Thor, pulling up that email. "Him?"

"That is Loki," he said coolly. "He was impersonating our father?"

"Yeah. From what Buffy said. She also said he's hot and could be a real good addition to the Council."

"He tried to take over both our worlds," Thor said. "He was behind that invasion."

"Yeah, Spike's an evil thing too," she said dryly. "Buffy only likes predatory guys." She shrugged. "So you might need to buy a wedding present. It's not stated but I'm pretty sure Willow kidnaped him for Buffy and presented him when they got home." Xander moaned. "So yeah, probably need a present."

Xander got up to lean up there. "Huh?" She handed over her phone with the email. He read it. "That's it, Willow's doing it again. Willow Goddamn Rosenburg!" No answer but a new email saying she wasn't answering him. He was overreacting. She was solving problems and Loki made a good Buffy boyfriend, much better than her going back to Spike. He sighed, handing back the phone. "I'll...have someone go rescue him I guess," he told Thor. "I'm sorry. Willow has no sense."

"Clearly," Thor agreed. "If Loki is happy with her, it would be a good thing for him to help with."

"Buffy will break him, Thor. She'll break him really hard and he'll cry." Clint burst out giggling. Xander came back to the couch, sitting back down. "Who?"

"Stark, who said to leave him there. It served him right for having the earth invaded."

"I don't like using Buffy as a punishment," Xander said. "I do use Willow as an example of not having sense, but I don't like to use them that way. Besides, it's *mean*. Bordering on evil."

Thor sat back down and hugged Jane. "We will have to see if she's happy with him."

"She'll be happy as long as he's good in bed," Xander said. "Her last few were pathetic and the last time she had a good one it was the dumbass from the Initiative. Who I nearly ran over when I spotted him the last time." He grinned at Darcy. "We need to make sure he doesn't come near you. They might want Jane for her research too and he's in Homeland now."

"Homeland didn't have that many hidden HYDRA agents," Clint said.

"Oh, no, not HYDRA, Barton. Initiative. It's an old, closed program our team ended back in Sunnydale. That's his permanent work assignment until someone else lends him."

Clint looked that up. "Riley Finn? He's linked to Buffy's file in Homeland."

"Yup. Head weenie of a bag and tag team."

Clint read and then looked up. "They're still around?"

"They wouldn't let us feed them to the their victims. Riley turned evidence but then they put him on a hunting squad a few months later. A few months of him sucking on Buffy and feeding vamps for the thrill factor."

Clint smirked and sent that file to Stark with a pleasant note. Stark sent back a 'no way in hell' in all capital letters. "Stark doesn't like that idea and he's not sure HYDRA didn't fund them."

"No, the prez funded them with the Army. They were all Rangers." Clint added that. The next email that came in was full of swearing. "He not happy?"

"Oh so happy," Clint said with a smile. "Know anything about AIM?"

"Two ex's. One of each. Both weapons geeks and I was blatantly using them to get stuff for the girls. Worst sex I've ever had and I was giving oral sex so that's pathetic."

Clint blinked and smiled. "Who?" Xander got up to get a journal off a shelf and let him see it. "Awww, we've been looking for them."

Xander pointed at one. "Pathetic. Truly pathetic. Just kind of laid there and hummed." He grimaced. "But I got the laser cannon I needed for that battle." He sat down. "One of them wants to adopt Darrien so they can train him properly and make him a better weapons geek. They decided on that after he threw a knife at that other one because he woke him up."

Darcy looked at him. "You're bi?"

He nodded. "I'm bi. Found that out later but yeah." She hugged him. "Thank you, sweetie."

"You're welcome." She grinned. "Now if only you didn't live somewhere this cold."

"Fandral, toss another log on the fire? She is chilled." He got up to get her one of his sweaters and a blanket to huddle under with Jane. Fandral built the fire up higher and Clint had to move because he was too warm. The girls were complaining they were warm too but oh well. "Thanks." He tucked the blanket around them, letting them cuddle and Darcy drift off finally. Thor smiled at him. "I could easily fall for her. I always did adore snarky women." He sat down and looked at Clint. "Tell Natasha yet? One of the Initiative people was her trainee from rumors going around."

"Yup." He grinned. "I sent the last one to her and Stark. Plus Bucky."

"Barnes?" Xander demanded. "Someone finally freed him?" Clint nodded slowly, staring at him. "Wow. We heard rumors that they had brought him back out for something. Great job, man."

"Steve, not me."

"Figures."

"You knew who he was?"

"Yeah, I caught him during his last outing five years ago. He looks just like the guy in the history books and I only paid attention to the pictures." He shrugged. "Our history teacher had a major crush on Captain Asshole and his team. Well, mostly one of his team. So we got six weeks of learning about the Howling Commandos, two days of World War II, and incidental things on Rogers. And then the Mayor found out and had her killed right after that for liking heros." He shrugged. "They found her in her car with questionable sexual material and pictures of her crush. Clearly faked since she had been shot, and there wasn't a gun, but it was Sunnydale so no one looked that hard."

Clint stared, mouth open. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. Seriously. She had a huge hard-on for the French guy."

Clint smiled and sent that email to Bucky, who sent back one. "Bucky said you still owe him dinner?"

"I promised if he let me have the asshole I was hunting and he wanted out of his way I'd buy him dinner. I can do that."

"Next time you're in town." He sent that and shook his head. Jane was quietly giggling against Darcy's hair but that was a good thing. He got another message. "Barnes said that the Canadians hate slayers."

"Every government hates the slayers and the Council," Xander said dryly. "Canada's no exception. We fight things that give people nightmares. Beyond that, the new Prime Minister is a reactionary jackass and I've already told him we'd gladly let him cover his own country. He refused that generous offer for us to go to the Bahamas to work." He smiled. "They hate us a lot but don't want to do it on their own."

Clint nodded. "We got a lot of that as Avengers."

"Even warrior cultures do that at times. They welcome you when you've done good and if you're just doing the normal things they hate you and want you to quit until the next big thing you could've stopped happens. They tried that in England, making the girls quit patrolling. In three weeks they had a vampire army in London," he said with a smile. "The girls there went 'I told you so' with a cheery wave at the people who were whining about it." Thor burst out laughing.

"They decided the girls can patrol, an officer can be assigned to help them patrol so they're protected and anything that they need to know is heard about and they kindly didn't mind when the girls set fire to the building full of vampires. Canada saw that and realized they had tried the same thing. Guess who never got bothered again about the weird harmful-mystical creature preserve."

"Harmful mystical creature preserve?" Clint asked.

"Yeah, some funny crossbreeds and a lot of dangerous things but they're in a wilderness preserve area of some kind one owns. The locals would like them to go but we got yelled at about not taking them out."

"If they're not hurting people then you shouldn't," Fandral said.

"They like to snack on the local towns," Xander admitted. "But then the higher ups said that they gave them the right to basically make it like tribal land so they're protected. Which put us in the middle and then the thing in London happened. They warned them to quit eating the locals or any caught would be killed. We taught the locals how to kill them, while they were watching." He grinned. "They haven't really snacked on the locals all that often recently."

Clint shook his head. "You do insane things."

"Yes I do," Xander agreed. "You're much too normal." Clint grinned and nodded back. He saw the sneaky one coming out. "Don't you dare steal food. There's a few extra muffins in the kitchen. You have manners better than I do. Mostly because Willow didn't teach them to you." Darrien ran into the kitchen to get a muffin then upstairs. He shook his head. "Sometimes I worry about him."

"You could send him to a normal school."

"I keep this safe haven because the girls need it. Though Giles has been nagging me about coming to take over the house on the hellmouth so he can go back to England. I told him living there was keeping him young and perky. He'd just go back to his huge manor house and die." He sipped his coffee. "The schools there suck plus I'd have to put up with Willow and Buffy."

"Let Buffy hold the safe area," Jane said.

"Buffy couldn't understand why we needed a greenhouse for growing veggies, Jane. She didn't think we'd need to grow anything ourselves, much less in a greenhouse. She showed up in the middle of February and still thought it'd be all pretty and green by March. She got trapped here until the middle of March and still thought we'd be able to plant in the regular ground pretty soon, but she had no idea why we would need to because there's grocery stores." Jane winced. "The farm animals would die of neglect and the girls would starve under Buffy. Sometimes the airhead is an act, sometimes....."

He sipped his coffee and looked up. "What?" he called. A note floated down to the floor. He sighed and caught it, looking at it. "Hmm. Willow thinks that something's going on since Captain America's talking to people about vampires." He looked up. "Yeah, he's finally getting his head pulled out of his ass since he thought being compelled was the same as willing. At least we hope he's finally getting his head out of his ass. Anything else?" Another note floated down. "Hell no you can't babysit. You're a judgmental bitch and you told my son I had raped his mother to get him. Fuck off, Willow." The feeling of being watched stopped. "Sorry. She's still not sorry for that."

"It can happen sometimes," Jane said. "Some women have no empathy and no sense." She sipped her coffee. "Thankfully I learned better."

"I thought most women knew better." Willow appeared, hands on her hips, huffy glare on her face. "What now?"

"You need to come home so Giles can go home for a bit."

"First, I don't like Cleveland. It's not home. Second, I don't want you near my son." She sneered. "Third, thank you for trying that. Some of her remaining family tried to get him to kill him again. We had to call back her shade to talk to the judge. He's had nightmares for months about that." He stood up. "You can run Cleveland if you want."

"Giles wanted you," she ground out.

He stared at her. "Then who's going to guard the vulnerable girls up here?" She huffed and stomped a foot. "Frankly, Giles and I talked last night about that. He'd really like me to take oversight of all the houses in the Americas. Which I can do from here but popping down there for battles. It's safer for my son and the girls that need hidden if they're injured."

"I can do that!"

"You can't farm for them so they eat." He stared at her. "You don't know how to plant a single thing. You don't know which end of a cow to milk and I'd hate to see you with the sheep doing the same thing."

"There's stores!" she said hotly.

He pointed. "Six hours that way, Willow. We're up here in the middle of nowhere because it's safer for the girls that have issues. Like Eira has a fire god after her. He's not coming up here. The pregnant ones all come up here while they're carrying because it's safer. Thankfully the traveling doc for the local tribes likes us." He stared at her. "I can lead from here for the most part and pop in for big things."

"The girls won't respect you anyway," she sneered.

"And whose fault is that, little Miss 'let me tell you about things'?" He stared at her. "The girls almost all respect me. All but you, Buffy, and Kennedy. The others have seen me in the same battles they were in doing the same amount of killing they did." She gasped, backing away. "For that matter, maybe you should read those files you doctored again, Willow. They might tell you something."

"You can't do that," she snorted. "You're normal."

"Yeah, and?" He shrugged. "The same normal guy that saved your ass a few times." She glared. "Now, would you kindly mind leaving my house?"

"It's Council's, not yours," she sneered, raising a hand.

"Considering I bought it, no it's not. I'm not going to fall into that trap." She pulled up magic. Thor and Fandral both stood up, with weapons in hand.

The pregnant slayer came down and slapped her as hard as she could. "Thank you for setting me off in early labor, bitch!" She poked Willow and made her back up. "You know damn well you're not supposed to be doing magic around the pregnant slayers! You could kill us! I didn't sign up for you when I became a slayer and I'll be damned if I'm going to go on patrol. And the rest of us have told the other girls." She sucked in a breath.

Xander got her sitting down and checked her stomach. "Darrien, call the doc."

"He's in Ottawa this week," Darrien called back. He came down the stairs. "I don't know why you want to be around me since you hate me so much because I'm half black," he sneered. "Bigoted bitch just like got your grandparents." She shrieked and tried to hit him but Xander's axe was suddenly blocking it and with he was going to remove the hand by the look on his face.

"Darrien, go help Darcy," he said quietly. Darrien slowly backed away. Xander moved closer to Willow. "So now you're trying to kill little kids and slayers? You're not a goddess. I've met a few of those and you're not worthy of that title, Willow. And the last few I found unworthy I killed." She disappeared in a flash of light. He looked up. "Ladies, let's go. She probably just fucked the roof."

"She did," Eira said, coming down putting on a jacket. "Can we magic it?"

"The coven? Take a slayer's side against Willow?" he asked dryly, staring at her.

The other two limped down. "I called. They said she's just pouty," one said. "When I pointed out she set one of the girls into early labor they said she didn't need to be pregnant."

"I can fly us," Clint said.

Xander looked at them. Then at Darrien. "Pack your go bag." He ran to do that. Eira did the same for them. "Eira, can it be fixed?"

"Yeah, in a few hours. She just knocked it off in one section. I can fix it. You sure?"

"Yeah, as soon as we get to civilization that fire god will show up."

"Point." She looked at them. "Go with her." They nodded, helping her up and out to the jet with the others. Darcy still had the blanket around her because she didn't have a winter coat up there. "Thank you," she told Clint quietly.

"I'd have killed her for him," he said.

She smiled. "Oh, he's going to have her ass. We just have to get that one somewhere good. She's already got a hypertension problem." She sighed as she went up to fix the roof. She was chatting with Faith while she worked.

***

Clint landed them on top of a hospital, getting the back door opened. "Hey," he told the staff.

Xander carried her down. "One of our slayers. The rogue witch Rosenburg did magic around her and set off extremely early labor. She's only five months." She grabbed onto a nurse. "She's been having active contractions for the last thirty minutes." He looked back. "Darrien.... coming?"

"I got it. You go kick their ass," the slayer panted, staring at him. "It's more important you behead the evil this time, before she kills more of us."

"You're not dying," the nurse assured her, taking her blood pressure. "Is she Canadian?" He held up his ID card. "Oh!"

"I hold the sanctuary for the injured and pregnant. Our usual doc is at something Ottawa."

"That's fine. Does she have insurance?" He handed over the card for the house. "That'll work."

"Go, Xander," Moira said. "Slay her for me."

"Gladly." He looked at the nurse, handing over a set of cards. "Mine, Eira's, she's at home fixing the roof Willow tried to rip off, and Giles. He's the head of the Council." The nurse nodded, taking the gurney down to their ER. He got back onto the jet. "Thanks, guys."

"Hey, Cleveland's gotta be warmer than the arctic circle," Darcy quipped. Xander settled next to her to help warm her up. She leaned against his arm. "What is her problem?"

"She thinks she's the goddess and therefore right. And she's just an addict."

She nodded. "Great." She yawned, falling asleep on him. Darrien snuck under the blanket to help her nap. The other slayers smiled at that. Xander rolled his eyes at their subtle hints they liked Darrien's idea.

***

Xander walked into the house, axe in his hand. He ran into Buffy and shoved her out of his way. "Move."

"What happened?" she demanded. She grabbed his arm to stop him. "What. Happened?" she demanded more firmly.

"Willow happened. She tried to rip up the house. She sent Moira into extremely early labor. She's already miscarried but now they're trying to save her life, because of course the witches decided she didn't need the baby anyway." Buffy shuddered at the cold tone. "She told me I had to do her bidding and the house that I bought was the Council's. I've had enough." He got free. "I've seriously had enough of the addict. This is the sixth slayer she's tried to kill." Buffy backed down, shaking her head. "Yeah, it is. No more." He walked toward the back. "Rupert, I formally request a Council trial for the rogue witch Willow Rosenburg," he said from the doorway.

"I've already sent her to the coven."

"Who thought she was okay and that the slayer who wanted that kid more than anything didn't need to be pregnant anyway. She still hates my son for having his mother make him and him being half-black. I don't give a damn where she is."

Giles winced. "Moira?"

"They're going to be lucky to save her life. They couldn't save the baby's. She also tried to rip the roof off the house in the middle of a heavy snow storm. Not to mention what she's done to my son."

"I... I will put her before the others but you know they hate you."

"I can fix it," Xander offered, staring at him.

"I'd rather you not." He took off his glasses. "You really shouldn't punish her yourself."

"Oh, I'm not. I summon thee, Goddess of Justice, for a hearing." A female showed up, checking her nails. "Not you, Cordelia."

She smiled at him. "The Powers think she's necessary."

"I think she's dead and it'll happen one way or another."

Cordelia winced. "I agree. You agree. Hell, even Doyle and Whistler agree. Whistler's all for you beheading her." Xander smirked coldly. "They'd bring her back sometime."

"Under their thumb?"

"Yes, but she'd still have the bad judgment of an addict."

"Yay. They can keep her."

She winced, looking at the goddess who appeared. "You rang?' she asked politely.

"I call your judgement on Willow Rosenburg for all she has done against the slayers and my family," he said.

"She must be here." He pulled something off the desk and dropped it. Within seconds she was there. She was fighting it but yay. "That's handy." She stared at her. "She who has committed many crimes against nature and humanity. Interesting. I was wondering when someone would call me on her." She walked closer, using her fingertips to brush across Willow's face. Willow tried to stop her but oh well. She wasn't a goddess. She sighed and put up projections of what had happened. Xander got the head witch of the coven there. The goddess smiled at him. "They did cover for many of her sins on purpose." She let them see them. Buffy burst out crying. Xander was still staring at Willow. "I find her guilty of many things. The slayers could use her strength some day however."

"Unless you can find a way to bind her without magic, without any form or access to any sort of magic, she's not safe," Xander said. "She's killed five other slayers and this is the sixth, always around this date."

"I've seen that." She showed them the spells going in her practice area. Giles ran up there to stop them. She looked at the head witch. "You should help stop them. You mentored her into this."

"They would kill me." Xander punched her into a wall and out.

"Pretty, warrior." He nodded his head, walking off. They saw him walk in and move Giles then hit the head of the idol in the center of the spell with his axe after saying blessings on it. It was glowing bright white and the flash of magic was felt all down the eastern seaboard. They came back down. Willow was whimpering and crying. The goddess looked at Xander. "There are those who can do that duty for you."

"It's my duty to take out any of our group that go bad," he said firmly but quietly.

"No, it is not," Giles said. "It is mine."

"And she's like your kid. She was like my sister. It's still my job," Xander told him.

Giles took the axe and put it aside. "It is my job as the head of the Council and the head of our little family, Xander. The patriarch does the punishing in most cultures." Xander nodded, backing out of the way. "Your son?"

"Safely outside with Thor and Darcy."

"Good. Go be a father. You don't need to witness this." Xander stared at him. "She will not survive, Xander. You know I'll hold my word. Then we must talk."

"Later, Giles. Later." He walked off after grabbing his axe. He paused to look at Buffy, who was sobbing. "Coming?"

"Yeah, I think I am." She looked at the Goddess. "You're over Justice?" She nodded. "Is there a way she could be useful so that no others would do that?"

"She'll make a fine example of what not to do." Buffy nodded, biting her lip as she trudged out. Xander followed her and shut the door. She looked at Giles. "I can so you don't have to."

"It's my duty."

She smiled. "I'm the Goddess, not you, Rupert Giles." She touched Willow's head and she fell to the ground as ash. "Sentence applied and carried out," she said formally, making it heard by all. "The Rogue Witch Willow Rosenburg is no more. She will no longer plague those who do what they must so others survive." She stepped back, dusting off her hands. "Cordelia?"

"It won't be soon. If they need her, they can gather her." She looked at Giles. "I'm sorry you had to."

"Me as well," he said. "Tell the others I said hello? And Xander?"

She smiled. "Tara loves Darrien to pieces." She bowed to the goddess and disappeared.

Giles looked at her. "Thank you for coming. Are others of us on your come running list as it were?"

She smiled. "You are not. Nor is your mate Ethan, Rupert." She stroked his cheek. "You have more than made up for your sins." She disappeared. He sat down to write that up then went to get plastered in his suite.

Xander walked outside, taking a deep breath. "I called on the Goddess of Justice," he announced. Darrien ran over to hug him. "She handled it."

"She would be the best prepared in case the witch fought back," Fandral said quietly.

"There was a reason she was killing slayers," Xander said. Thor shuddered. "Yeah, I broke the idol." Two beings appeared. "Guys, these are the mortal embodiments of Janus and Loki," he said with a point at each. "Too late."

"We come to remove the rest of the spells," the immortal embodiment of Janus said. "There's still at least seven spells going on up there."

The immortal embodiment of Loki bowed to Thor. "I can feel him. She's got him trapped. Should I free him?"

"No," Clint said. "Then he'd have to answer for his crimes again." He looked at Thor, who nodded at that. "We'd rather not see Loki until he's been rehabilitated into a useful, helpful being."

The immortal embodiment of Loki stared at him. "He did you very wrong, warrior. He has learned his lesson on that. Though you are a good warrior to help the slayers as well."

"If they need me, they'll call."

"Good." They walked inside. Buffy squealed. They all felt the magic around the house easing. "We will put back the protections so they're done correctly," he said.

Xander nodded. "Let's go, guys."

"We can go to New York," Jane said, looking at Darcy. Who shrugged. Darrien ran back to cuddle her. She cuddled him back. "Xander?"

"Yeah, I don't want to be here. Me being on the hellmouth brings problems. There's a reason why chaos gods like me." They all winced at that admission. "Sorry. I am a chaos magnet." They got back onto the jet. Clint got to tell the slayers that the hellmouth was open. There were large tentacles playing with the trees around the hellmouth. They waved at the jet but Clint fired on them so they left them alone. Xander sighed, leaning over to cover his face.

Jane patted him on the back. "We should test that to see if you put off a chaos field or something." He looked at her, smiling some. "It would be interesting to know."

"I think it was a curse by her."

"Possibly," Fandral said. "When I did something like that, it was a curse by Sif." Thor hit him on the arm. "He kept tripping into mudholes."

Jane grinned. "Really?" Thor grimaced but nodded. "Then we'll figure it out."

Xander's phone rang. "It's Xander." He listened. He sighed in relief. "That's good. Is she okay? That's great. Thank you for letting me know, ma'am. New York at the moment. I can come gather her in a few days when she's due out. No, slayers get fussed over all the time by each other. She's being stubborn. Thank you." He hung up and called Eira to tell her. "Moira's going to be okay." He listened. "How bad is it? I can hear the wind." He winced. "I can pop up and fix it.... Your what now? Since when do you have a boyfriend? I haven't seen you sneaking out to date. Oh, a frost...sure," he said. "If that's what makes you happy. Don't let him eat the goats. Two are pregnant." He shrugged. "Thanks. Tell the others so they don't freak out on him." He hung up. "Her boyfriend, who is a frost giant, is helping fix the roof."

"They date?" Fandral asked Thor.

"Loki has."

"Point I suppose." He considered it then shuddered. "Horribly chilly."

"We live in the arctic circle and she said he was banished," Xander said.

"Wow," Darcy said. "Icy dick. Eww." Xander grinned at her. She pinched him on the arm.

"Does this mean you and Dad can flirt so I have a stepmom?" Darrien asked with a smile for her.

"He can flirt but I don't have stepkids." His face fell. "If I marry someone their kids become my kids. Not stepkids, but full kids." He beamed and hugged her. "And you still have homework to do. Jane makes me do mine. I'm making you do yours."

"That's fine. Do you know Latin?" Xander snorted, staring at him. "What?"

"Did you remember your schoolbooks?"

"Um...no. Probably not," he said with a smile.

"Then you get to ask Thor and Fandral about their home and do a report on it, kiddo."

"Shit," he muttered in French. Darcy swatted him. "Hey," he complained.

"No swearing," she said with a smile. "Moms are like that."

"Good point." He snuggled in again, looking over. "Can I talk to you about that?"

"After a good meal. Stories of home are often welcome after dinner," Fandral said. Thor nodded he liked that idea. The boy grinned at them. They landed on a building. "This is a very fast jet."

"It's so we can get to emergencies faster," Clint quipped. He settled the jet and turned it off then opened the back. "C'mon, there's coffee inside." They hiked inside. "JARVIS, tell Stark we're back with Xander and Darrien?"

"I shall," he agreed. "Sir said he'd be right up. Miss Lewis, I had one of the other science interns clean out your personal refrigerator as some things in it were extremely fuzzy."

"Thanks, J," she said. She patted a wall. "That's really helpful. I meant to do it last week."

"It's no problem. They had just had an experiment fail and wanted to go pout anyway," the AI said.

Stark came off the elevator and walked over to stare at her. "You okay?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Not great. It's been a really long day."

He nodded. "Here too. We're upping the security around here."

"Steve's an Avenger."

"I'd kill him during a battle if I saw him right now," Tony said bluntly. "And I'm not the only one that said it." She winced. Thor nodded to back Tony up. "Even Barnes walked away from him."

"I don't want to fracture the team."

"You didn't. Steve did," Clint said. "He's the jackass. It's his crime. He's doing the time for it." Darcy stared at him. He grinned. "Thor nearly threw him off the roof."

"You told me that. I..."

"You're not fracturing anything and I'd probably starve to death if you weren't here so you're staying, Lewis. Period. Don't argue or I'll have to set you up with geeks to date."

"Hey!" Darrien said, pushing between them. "I called dibs on her to be my future mom. She's pretty and neat and cooks great and if Dad doesn't get to flirting with her I'll start flirting myself."

Tony smiled at him. "She deserves a great guy like your dad." Darrien relaxed and nodded. "She'll make an excellent mom to you, kiddo." He looked up. "JARVIS, get a room ready for Xander and his son."

"I can hit a hotel," Xander said. "We have three...." He looked around. "Did we leave the slayers?" Thor nodded. "I didn't even notice."

"You're exhausted," Jane said. "Duh!" He smirked at her. "And no, you can't go to a hotel. How can you flirt with Darcy from a hotel room?" She walked off with Thor. "C'mon, Thor. We'll start on dinner."

"Of course I can help. I have learned much."

Xander shook his head. "I'll show him to it," Darcy said. "Which room, JARVIS?"

"I've put him on your floor, Miss Lewis. On the right of your apartment. It has two bedrooms."

"Thanks." She looked at Tony. "Thank you."

"Hey, we avenge the bad things happening to pretty girls too," he quipped. She punched him on the arm but walked Xander and Darrien off so they could rest. Tony looked at Clint. "Power thing from Cleveland?" he asked quietly.

Clint waited until the trio was out of earshot. "He called the Goddess of Justice on Willow," he said quietly. Tony shuddered. Clint nodded. "She's no more unless the Powers That Be bring her back for some reason."

"Great. Let's hope they don't have to." He walked off. "Call me up for dinner."

"Sure," Clint said. "Jane, I'll let Fandral in your room to rest," he called into the kitchen.

No answer so Fandral looked in there. "His lips have suctioned themselves to her neck again," he said with a smile for Clint. Clint grinned back, taking him down to Thor's suite so he could rest and Clint could rest in his own. He did send Natasha an updated email on what had happened. She didn't respond. She'd talk to him later, when she was done with whatever.

***

Downstairs in the gym, Natasha read the message then looked at her sparring partner. "They're back."

"With her?"

"Yes. Plus Xander and his son."

"I haven't really met him outside an old assignment. Is he decent?"

"He's the man that backs up the slayers." Bucky shuddered. "He's a strong man. He showed up due to rumors of what had happened to Darcy so he could help her."

"That's sweet."

"Sweet is his son," she said with a smile. "He adores Darcy. Snuck onto a jet to come see her."

"Awww. I'd have beaten his ass."

"His father was amused and Darcy babysat overnight." They got back to the sparring match. "He is five. Rosenburg made accusations against him but they were false and Clint's email said she's gone."

"Sounds good."

"Apparently it was much worse than the little bit we heard when she showed up to sneer about his son. Which he stood her down for." He smirked. "He runs a shelter for the injured and pregnant slayers near the arctic circle."

"Cold," he said.

"Very cold," she agreed. She glanced back and blinked. Bucky glanced and looked at her. "Darrien, you do not sneak very well yet."

"Can I watch? I watch the slayers spar."

"You may. Just stay out of the way. Bucky, this is Darrien Harris."

"Hey, kid. Sit there." He pointed. Darrien climbed up on the barbell bench and watched them fight back and forth with knives. When it was coming closer to a draw, he blinked at the staring kid. Darrien was sucking on his bottom lip. "Your dad teaching you self defense yet?"

"Yup. Even though all the aunties bitch."

"Does he let you say that word?" Natasha asked dryly.

"Nope, but he's sleeping." He grinned. "We had to go to Cleveland."

"We heard," Natasha said. She stepped back to look at him. "Are you all right?"

He stared at her. "Sometimes you gotta fake it so people quit being so uncomfy around you," he said, clearly quoting. "It sucks but you gotta do it sometimes. Or else the slayers cry."

"You do not have to pretend around us," she said. "We are not slayers and we do not cry."

He shrugged. "You're still a girl so therefore you get to see the happy stuff. Daddy said girls need that stuff until you're dating them and you're too old and not sweet enough for me to flirt with." He grinned.

She stared at him, starting to smile against her will. "You flirt?"

"I do flirt. I'm helping Dad flirt with Darcy. She'd make an excellent mom."

"Yes she would," she agreed. Darrien wiggled to cross his feet in front of him so he could lean on his knees. "Still, you don't have to pretend around us."

He shrugged. "You're still a pretty girl and pretty girls get manners used around them and happy things so they don't get sad."

"I used to do that," Bucky said. "It's a guy thing," he told Natasha. She stared at him. "We do."

"Uh-huh," she said blandly but was smiling. Xander walked in and grabbed his son, carrying him off.

"They didn't mind me watching, Dad. I asked."

"Yay. It's time for a rest. You may not wander around bothering people. They're not the slayers and they don't have to pay attention to you. For that matter, quit treating the slayers like silly playmates. They're not like the sheep on the farm, son."

"Depends on which one," Darrien said dryly. "Auntie Faith definitely isn't. She's like the goats and just as stubborn."

Xander laughed, nodding. "Yeah, she is. If you tell her that she'll pout."

"That's why I never tell pretty girls that stuff. It's not nice and makes them pouty. You taught me that."

"Yes I did. It keeps me unbeaten by the slayers." Darcy came out of her apartment. "He snuck off to watch Miss Romanoff spar."

"Aww. It's really mean to watch them. They're neat at it but they can be mean to each other."

Darrien leaned over to cuddle her. "Come nap with us?"

"I can tell you a story but I'm not great to nap on. I drool in my sleep like a puppy."

Darrien grinned. "I'd love a puppy." She tweaked his nose. His father was looking up and smiling but shaking his head. "I would."

"When you're old enough to take care of one." He let them into his apartment. He put Darrien onto his bed. "Nap." He sighed but settled in to rest. Darcy settled in to tell him a story. "You don't have to, Darcy."

"You hush. Stories are good for kids." Darrien grinned at his dad and leaned on her side to be cuddled during it.

Xander settled on the couch to watch them interact. Darrien was right, Darcy was his type. She was a great version of his type. But she'd never want to live in his life of battles, injuries, and stupid things. She got plenty of that around here. She came out, closing Darrien's door. "Thanks," he said quietly.

"It's not a problem, Xander. He's a sweetheart." She sat down by his feet. "Are you okay?"

"I'm not exactly but I'm good enough to fake it for now." She nodded, patting his leg. "I'm sorry about him being pushy."

She smiled. "It's so cute!" Xander grinned and nodded. "Though I don't know if you like girls."

"I do like girls. I like snarky, self assured, kinda bitchy girls actually." She blushed but stared at him. "But I can't quit my job."

She nodded. "If we're near Jane we can both have that."

"There's the farm."

"Eira sent me an email. That's what woke me. She said she and her fiancee are taking over the farm and the protection roles. She said she adores it up there with him, since he likes snowy places, and he can guard them even better than you can." He stared at her. She showed him the email.

"Why didn't she tell me?" At the bottom was a 'don't tell Xander that Giles asked me to take it over for him'. He sighed, handing the phone back. "I'll talk to her and Giles tomorrow."

"Maybe you'll have another house that'll be less snowy and more farmy."

"Maybe. I don't mind the farm until planting season." She smiled. "Seriously, I hate planting season."

"I would've thought harvesting and canning."

"That's not so bad. You do it a bit at a time. You plant all at once, and you're mostly bent over." He shifted, sitting up. She smiled at him. "I, um, haven't flirted in a while." She giggled and hit his arm. "I was always more hunted than the hunter here." She leaned in to kiss him. He smiled and kissed her better. The tiny 'whoo hoo' from the bedroom had both of them looking that way. "You're jumping the race, kiddo. Go back to sleep."

"I can go ask Lord Fandral stuff now."

"He said after dinner," Darcy said. "He's resting."

"Fine." He looked out there. "Some day can I have a sister?" They shrugged. "That's cool." He smiled. "I'll be a big brother like Dad is to the slayers." He closed the door and locked it then went back to his bed to read for a while. His daddy needed privacy to do the stuff he had seen on HBO that he wasn't supposed to have watched.

Xander looked at her. "He's wise beyond his years."

"And slightly a smartass," she said.

"Yeah, that too. I think that's my fault." She laughed, leaning on his shoulder. "I guess we should talk?"

"We can talk."

"Cool. Talking is cool." She touched his hand and he calmed back down. Yeah, he could relearn how to flirt.

***

Darrien ran off the elevator when the nice voiced AI told him it was time for dinner. He smiled and hopped into a seat beside Jane. "Daddy and Darcy are talking over cheeseburgers he ordered."

She blinked. "Really?" He grinned and nodded. "Huh." She looked at Thor. "She might be moving after all."

"We can always visit," he said.

Darrien smirked and shook his head. "Eira and her boyfriend are taking over the farm up there. Mr. Giles said so since her boyfriend likes snow and chilly stuff."

"A frost giant would do well up there," Thor agreed. "Huh." He handed him food. "Vegetables?"

He pouted. "I guess. If I must."

"Yes and Darcy's a big believer in them too," Jane said with a smirk. "She makes me eat them a lot too."

"That's okay. It's a mom thing and she'll make a fantastic mom if she and Dad get together. I might even get a baby sister some day so I can be a big brother like Dad is over the slayers. I can threaten boyfriends and everything." He dished himself up some veggies and some of the meat. He smiled at the staring people. "Hi." He waved.

Tony smirked back. "You want to be a big brother?"

"Of course. That'll give me someone to nag about stuff and play with and make them do chores for me when they're being butts." Thor burst out laughing but nodded.

"Indeed. He and Loki did that a few times," Fandral said. Someone knocked on the patio and walked in. "Sif."

"Fandral. We were looking for the problem one. I was sent to gather him."

"The slayers have him locked in a room so he can help Auntie Buffy become a normal girl again," Darrien said, smiling at her. "They think she thinks he's hot and right now Auntie Buffy probably needs him a whole lot because Willow went too evil and Daddy had to do mean stuff earlier."

She smiled at him, dropping a kiss on his head. "I'll gather him later then. May I join in?" They nodded so she sat down to eat. "Where is your father?"

"Hopefully flirting with Darcy. She'd make an *excellent* mom," he said with a smile.

"Yes she would." She smoothed down his hair. "You need a comb."

"I need to recondition my scalp."

"That happens at times." He hugged her arm. She gave him a real one. "You're a wonderful young man. Even if you do help your father flirt."

"It helps. Daddy said he forgot how." He held up the vegetables. "Veggies?"

"Thank you." She took some for herself and some of the other food. "Fandral, Hogun was looking for you. He found a book that he said was insulting."

"Lord of the Rings?" Thor asked. She nodded. "I thought the would not like that."

"Tolkien is *boring*," Darrien said. "It's more nap inducing than Beowulf."

Thor looked down at him. "You've read it?"

"Dad read it to me. I liked the hero stuff but the story was *so* boring," he sighed, slumping some. "He never got more than three pages at a time. The same with the Three Musketeers. So boring even though the story's great. Way too many flowery words and descriptions of stupid stuff. The movies were mostly better. Though a few were bad."

Stark stared at him. "He read you the Three Musketeers as a bedtime story?"

"No, he read it to me and it turned into a bedtime story. *So* boring." Tony smiled but nodded he agreed. He sat up and properly ate. He looked at Fandral between bites. "Does this mean I can escape Dad's homework?"

"No. Homework like that makes you smarter when you deal with people," Jane said. "If Fandral doesn't mind?"

"I do not mind," he said with a smile for them. "It's good practice in case some young wench trips me into bed." Darrien pointed at Sif. "She is too much my sister. I've known her for much too long and over many too many incidences. I've shared camps with her and seen her drunk." He grinned at Sif. "We are much too familiar with each other."

"Especially when you wear sparkly man panties to war," Sif quipped with a smirk. Darrien burst out laughing.

Fandral sighed, covering his heart with a hand. "You wound me, Sif."

"You wish."

"No, you are much like my sister. I would no more bed you than I would Thor."

Jane shook her head quickly. "That gave me mental images I did not want."

Darrien hugged her too. "It's okay. Think of other things to get rid of those. Daddy starts thinking about swords instead."

"Swords won't help much," she said, smiling at him. Thor was blushing and Fandral laughing. "Maybe I'll think of shields."

"That'll work too. If not, there's always annoying theme songs."

"Yes there are. Eat." He dug in with a hum. Jane looked at Sif, who smirked at her. "Xander told us you two knew each other."

"I am acquainted with him. He has quite the gift for being in the wrong place at the right time with a weapon." Thor looked at her. "He does it very well but he is more excellent with weapons than not." She delicately dug into dinner.

"Wow, we're learning lots of new stuff tonight, Tony said. "I've seen Xander with his axe."

"I've seen him using her and he is a thing of beauty with it," Sif agreed, smiling at him. "He can handle swords fairly well. Crossbows as well. Not regular ones for some reason."

"Not as useful on vampire hunting patrols probably," Clint said. "It'd be too big."

She nodded. "I had not considered that. With his training and him doing much of it himself he is a very good warrior." She dug back in. Darrien leaned against her, making her smile at him. "You are cuddly tonight."

"I'm killing time so Daddy has time to flirt."

Sif nodded with a smile. "That takes longer than a dinner would, Darrien."

"Really? Why?"

"Because women and men take longer to talk about things than just a simple dinner. Often it takes many dinners."

He smiled up at her. "I wouldn't mind eating with you instead, Sif. You're always a great person to eat with. You eat the same stuff I do." She smiled at him, winking a bit. He grinned back and dug into his meat.

"Veggies too," Jane reminded him.

"Yes, Auntie Jane." She smiled at him, giving him a hug. "Are you and Thor going to have babies sometime soon? That way I have someone to play with?"

"Not for a while yet," she said. "We're still sharing dinners and things."

"Awww. Shoot. I need more kids to play with. It's really boring being me sometimes." He dug in again.

"You'll have many more children to play with if you get to go to a regular school," Jane said.

"Eww. I don't need kids like that around me. None of them will like me because of what Dad does." He shrugged and dug in again.

"If you guys get to stay local there's the UN school," Stark said. "It has kids who speak a whole lot of different languages."

"I only speak three kinda. And the two native ones. Dad made sure I spoke Mom's language. Usually I use it to swear at the nagging people who want to take me to sacrifice." They all stared at him. "My mom's family are cranked to quote Dad."

Clint nodded. "Sounds like it. Eat the veggies or no dessert." Suddenly the kid started to inhale the veggies and got extra just in case. Clint grinned. When everyone got done, Clint got up to get dessert from the kitchen. He got cookies and the rest of them got other stuff that was too adult for the six-year-old.

***

Xander came up with Darcy that night for bedtime. "I'm sorry, guys. Lost track of my supposedly sweet and innocent little boy."

"He's charming as usual," Sif said with a smile. She stared at Darcy. "I believe you will do fine if you take up the young one's ideas."

Darcy smiled. "Thanks. Did you need to take him to beat up on things?"

"No. I came to see if Thor and Fandral had gotten into trouble yet."

"We are angelic," Fandral said with a smile and a hand wave at her. "He asks quite good questions."

"That's because he's always asking questions." He picked him up. "You good for the report?"

"Yup. Thank you, Lord Fandral." He smiled and waved. Then he leaned down to kiss Sif on the cheek. "Thank you, Lady Sif. Some day I want a woman like you." She smiled at him. "Bedtime, Dad?" He yawned.

"Yup, sure is. Tell Darcy nighty night. We've got to see Giles tomorrow."

"Night, could be Mommy." He kissed her too. Xander rolled his eyes as he walked him off.

Darcy sat down with a sigh, staring at Sif. "The kid is absolutely sweet."

"Yes he is," Sif agreed. "Also a bit manipulative."

"A bit," Tony agreed with a smile for her.

"Yes, he is," Jane agreed. "But he's sweet about it. He wants what most kids want."

Darcy nodded. "He does. But it's so cute."

Jane smiled at her. "We'll have fun with the wedding reception."

Darcy looked at her. "Going a bit too fast."

"Probably. Kinda mommy."

Darcy swatted Jane hard on the arm, making her yelp. "That's sweet."

"It is," Jane agreed. "Very sweet." They all smiled at her.

Bucky came out of the elevator, already rolling his eyes. "New York has changed for the worse."

"But we got many things in return for the pollution and overcrowding," Darcy quipped. "Like donut shops."

"We had those before," he told her, sitting down. "No kid?"

"Bedtime."

"That's always a good thing. It was for me when I was young. I think."

Xander came back up shaking his head. "My kid is so warped and I think I took a wrong turn a few different places." He sighed and sat down near Darcy but not right next to her. Everyone stared at him. "I'm not the clingy and cuddly sort until after at least our fifth bout of sex, guys." They all smiled at that and left them alone. Thor and Jane took their friends back to Jane's room. Stark went to the lab to spy vicariously. Clint went to talk to Natasha with Barnes. Xander looked at her. "I think that was a hint."

"I'm pretty sure it was a hint," she agreed. They shared a smirk and got ice cream from the freezer before going back down to his apartment.

***

Xander came out of his apartment the next day tugging at his suit jacket. "I hate this part but Giles never goes to burger joints." Darrien tugged on him and held up the tie. "No." His son giggled and tossed it back in there before closing the door. "Shoes?" he prompted. Darrien huffed but went to get his shoes. Xander checked himself. "Grab my wallet too please. Or else we have to walk uptown." It was handed over before Darrien sat on the floor to put on his shoes. "Thank you." He shut the door and locked it then walked off with a sigh. His son followed with just as big of a sigh. "We know."

"Uncle Rupert needs to loosen his corset."

"Yeah but with your luck Buffy will be there, if not Kennedy."

"Can I stab her when she sneers at me?"

Xander hesitated. "Ask me and I'll do it," he decided finally. "They might put you in foster care if you stab her and I'd hate that." His son grinned at him. They went down and caught a cab to the restaurant. The server gave Darrien an odd look. "I'm a single father." She sighed but took them back to the table. Sure enough, Buffy, Faith, and Kennedy with Giles. He sat down and put Darrien between him and Giles. "Why can't you go to burger joints?" he asked. "I hate dressing up."

Giles smirked a bit. "He needs more reinforcement of his manners."

"I have good manners. Even Lady Sif said so," Darrien said with a grin for him. "Daddy's making me write a report since I forgot my books."

"That's fine, Darrien. What else have you been doing?"

He grinned. "I talked to Lady Sif and Lord Fandral last night for the report. Daddy and Miss Darcy were talking in her apartment."

"Really?" he asked, staring at Xander. Who stared back. "Interesting."

"She'll make a neat mom. She said she doesn't do stepmom stuff, they're all her kids if they're her family."

"That's a wonderful thing," Buffy agreed. "Darcy, the one you were guarding?" He nodded. "She was pretty by the photo in the report." She sipped her water. "Darrien, want some water?"

"No thank you. I don't like to drink after people I'm not related to. You might have mouth cooties. *She* told me about them."

Buffy winced. "Good point." She poured him a glass of ice water.

"Thank you, Auntie Buffy." He sipped and put it properly by his plate. "Now what, Uncle Rupert? Eira said she and her boyfriend have the farm. He's a frost giant so he likes cold."

"I heard she had one but not that he was a frost giant."

"Banished," Xander said. "Not sure why. She snuck out very well to meet him. I never saw him at all."

"Hmm. I'll have her introduce us." He made that note for himself then looked at Xander. "I'd like you to take over the Americas."

"I can do that but I hate Cleveland and it hates me."

"Yes, I quite remember seeing the tentacles waving at the jet you left on," he said dryly. "We agree it's not the best idea for you to be at that house. Which does leave a few others. Including one in the city."

"Would we be planting again this year, Dad?" Darrien asked.

"No, sweetie, there's a grocery store really nearby to the house locally," Buffy said with a smile.

He stared at her. "But that's expensive. Especially with how some of the slayers eat more than the goats we used to have." She groaned and shook her head with a sigh. "Eira eats *tons*."

"All slayers eat like Eira," Xander quipped. He smirked at Buffy. "Your Aunt Buffy once got kicked out of a buffet because she ate so much." Darrien giggled, grinning at her.

"I was young and worked off more energy then," she said dryly with a hand wave. "You can take over New York's house. That way you can date Darcy."

"I might," Xander agreed. "It's a nice house. Not a lot of armory room. Or office space. Or room for me and the kid."

"Point," Giles said. "We can rearrange things. Do we need three girls here?"

"We need more than the single one we'd have room for," Buffy said. "There's only three bedrooms at the local house."

Giles considered it then nodded. "We can arrange that."

"Plus the farm is still mine," Xander said dryly.

"We are arranging for that. How much damage was done?"

"The roof partially lifted off on the east side." Giles moaned. "Plus any damage the snow storm we left during did."

"We'll make sure." He made that note as well. Darrien took his pen and wrote down notes under it. "Yes, the animals as well."

"I wouldn't mind keeping the goats but the rest are all dumb. Really, really dumb," Darrien said. "Sheep are supposed to be nearly as smart as goats and ours aren't. Though the chickens are worse. The cows are just boring and stupid."

"Cows are like that," Xander said. "I've never met a really smart cow. A few smart bulls but not a smart cow. Or sheep."

Giles shook his head. "I've never raised either so I could not tell you," he said, making that note as well.

"Are we going to talk about what happened?" Kennedy asked.

Xander pulled out something and handed it over. "The information on the spell I ended by crushing her idol." He let her read it, watching her go pale. "She was killing her sixth one of you. And her kid. She did get Moira's child." Kennedy huffed, putting the paper down.

"Moira planned for over a year about how and when to get pregnant," Buffy said. "I'm sorry for her."

"She'll be okay and if she wants to try again she can," Xander said. "She's talked to the nurses up there about that. I called her last night. Eira demanded the right to go pick her up."

"That's fine," Giles agreed. "I'm glad we could save her." He leaned on the table, looking at the ladies then at Xander. "I believe we should switch things around. Faith, do you want Cleveland?"

She nodded. "I do good there. I can handle that. We can move the trainee slayers up here to work with Xander." Kennedy glared at her. She stared back. "Can you think of anyone more protective?"

"No," she sighed. "I can't." She sipped her drink again.

"It'd also mean that the girls could get to regular medical checkups more frequently when injured," Xander said. Giles nodded that was true. "The doc up there is great but he can only pop in once a month."

"Then we can make plans that would include that need," Giles agreed. "A school that you would oversee?"

"As long as I don't turn into Xavier," Xander said dryly.

"I doubt that would be allowed," Giles said dryly.

"Thanks." He smiled. The waitress came over, smiling at them. "Are we eating real food or nibbling?"

"We're slayers, Xander. We only eat real food," Buffy said. She smiled. "May I have the cheese triangles appetizer and the stuffed mushrooms plus a large chicken caesar salad with dressing on the side?" she asked.

The waitress smiled, taking that down. "Just that, ma'am? No main course?"

"It's lunch. I'll go easy on my figure." She looked at the others.

"I hate salad," Faith said. "Give me the cheese steak fajitas please," she said, handing over her menu. "And more water?" The waitress smiled and nodded.

Kennedy shrugged. "I'll take the same as Buffy and another drink."

"Gin?" the waitress asked.

"Please." The waitress took the glass from her.

She smiled at Giles. "I'll have the flatbread with salsa and chicken meal."

"Yes, sir." She smiled at Xander. "Will he need things cut up smaller?"

"He's pretty good with a fork and a knife," he said. "But he's getting the fried cheese triangles as his weekly treat of greasy stuff and let's do the loose meat fajitas for me? Make his the solid ones with salsa on the side? He likes to dip."

"I can do that." She wrote that down, smiling at Darrien. "You've been a good boy so far." She walked off to get the drink refill, place the order, and get them more water. She smiled at the cook. "The solid fajitas is for the kid, the father said he can cut things but still likes to dip."

"That's fine," he agreed, glancing out there. "He's well behaved." He went back to cooking.

***

Xander walked in stretching his neck. Darcy's head popped up when he walked into the lab with Darrien pushing on his butt. "Big news?" she asked.

"I'm setting up the new training center here in the city." She squealed and hugged him. He cuddled her. Darrien snuggled between them to get cuddled.

Jane smiled, taking a picture. It was adorable. She sent it to the others and got back to work.

Darcy pulled back to grin at him. "We can help?"

"Of course you can help. I can't decorate for girls."

She laughed and swatted him. "Go do boy things until Jane's done with me for the day."

"I can do that." He looked at Darrien. "The whole restaurant was very pleased with how mannerly he was. Though they all smiled at him dunking his rolled fajitas." He walked him off talking to him. "So we gotta find a big building."

"Can't Uncle Rupert look?"

"Your Uncle Rupert nearly bought a house in Cleveland that was ready to fall in because Buffy really liked the outside and that it had a pool." Darrien groaned, shaking his head. "I'm all for us buying an old hotel or something."

"Can we?" he asked.

"Yeah, we probably could." They went to get changed back into normal clothes and settled in to look at real estate here in the city but in Brooklyn or Queens or something. Not in Manhattan. Darrien pointed out things. "High, not wide. That way the slayers can't sneak out as easily. Otherwise, yeah. That's a great idea." Darrien looked at the other options and pointed at one. "That's...actually pretty nice. I wonder how much work it needs." He called that realtor. "Hi, I'm Xander Harris, I work with the Watchers Council, and we're looking to buy a larger property here by the city.

"I saw one listed under your name." He read off the number. "Yes, that. No, we're talking about a training center actually. So renovating some for classes, some for living areas. The individual rooms will be great for the girls so they quit complaining about the bathroom issue. No, there's presently ninety-four girls at the main house in Cleveland." She shuddered. "And six multi stall bathrooms. It's come to bloodshed some mornings."

Darrien nodded. "And some of the younger girls punch really hard."

Xander grinned at him. "No, that's my son, not one of the girls. He's six." He listened, making notes. "I can do that. Thank you. That'd be excellent actually. The head's somewhere around the city for the next hour. Thanks." He called Giles once he hung up. "We're going to look at two places right now. So don't leave New York." He got up and took Darrien with him to the hotel Giles was in. The realtor met them at the first place and Giles looked around. It was nice, but a bit small for their needs. They barely had enough rooms for everyone so they'd need to manufacture classrooms somewhere. The other one was large, it was ancient, it was a grand old lady of a hotel. It reminded Xander of the Hyperion in LA, from the same era.

"We're told that the hotel is haunted," the realtor said. "It needs a bit of work but with what you said your plans were that'd probably be taken care of anyway. The electrical and plumbing was mostly updated about ten years ago."

Xander looked at the stuff on the floor, toeing at it. "It's not haunted. It's vampires."

"You're sure?" she asked.

He bent to pick up a cigarette butt. "It's being haunted by Spike. SPIKE!" he bellowed. "It's me and Giles!"

The blond vampire came out of the stairway grimacing but smoking. "Can't get away from you lot sometimes. Hey, little bite."

"Hi, Uncle Spike." He leaped up to hug him. "We're buying here to make a new training center for the young, cranky slayers."

Spike looked at Xander. "You sucker," he said with a smug look.

"But that means we can keep flirting with Darcy, who is *really* nice," Darrien said, smiling at him. "And we can let Daddy hunt down the rest of the vampires. That way he doesn't have to blush at Darcy. And she cooks really good. She knows *Thor*. She's really neat."

Spike looked at him. Then at Xander. "Really?"

"Really." He took his son back. "Any huge problems?"

"Few holes in the floors the minions made to play through. Stupid things. Glad I dusted 'em and got better." He took another drag on his cigarette. Darrien snatched it and threw it with a scowl. Spike smirked as he let it out. "You're cheeky."

"That's bad for me and some day I want to be worthy of a lady like Sif. Therefore no smoking around me. If you want gummy lungs that just means Missus Dru will have to suck it all out of you somehow."

Spike shuddered. "Eww. She would too. She hates me smoking," he muttered. He looked at Giles. "I can clear them out."

"Thank you. Any other structural issues?"

"The roof thing without a roof is falling in."

"It's called a pergola."

"Still falling over," Spike said dryly.

"That means it's firewood," Xander said. Spike nodded. "Kitchen?"

"Will probably be updated anyway to feed all the walking stomachs with makeup." He walked off. "We'll be out by tomorrow."

"Thank you," Giles said. "Let's look at the rest of the common areas and a few floors of rooms." She nodded, walking them to show them off. It had two floors of former restaurants and stores that they could turn into classrooms. Darrien got to run around to look at things. He found a vampire but Spike's growl warned him away from him.

Xander grinned and waved at the vampire. "He's Darrien's godfather."

"That's ...Darrien Harris?" the vampire asked, staring at them.

"Yeah. And I'm his dad." He smirked. The vampire whined and curled up in a ball to cry. "If you run away really fast, I won't stake you. I don't like the kid to see that shit." The vampire got up and ran off yelling for the others to bring them. Xander looked at Spike. "You need to eat and turn better people."

"Was going to turn Red," he said, rolling his eyes.

"You'd have to ask the Powers That Be," Xander said. Spike paused to stare at him. "She killed some slayers for a spell," he said quietly. "Nearly got Moira. Did cause Moira to miscarry." Spike winced. "I called out for Justice to handle her."

Spike nodded, looking down. "Probably best." He looked at him. "So?"

"She handled it so neither Xander nor I had to," Giles said quietly.

Spike nodded. "Means she's not addicted anymore then. Dru'll be pissed."

"Tell Dru I said hi and he really loved that doll until the werewolf that broke in to try to claim Eira as a mate got it."

"Can do that," he sighed, walking off shaking his head. "Slutty and her girlfriend?"

"Grieving but Kennedy is drinking," Giles said. "We had lunch earlier."

Spike nodded again. "S'fine. Thanks for letting me know."

"Only been a day," Xander called after him. Spike looked back and nodded. "I'm sorry."

"She was going wrong. S'better for everyone."

"The immortal embodiments of Loki and Janus both showed up," Giles said.

Xander grinned. "She locked Loki in Buffy's closet." Spike burst out laughing but he looked happier. He looked at Giles. "What are you going to do about that?"

Giles took off his glasses to stare at him. "Nothing. That's between him, Buffy, and Thor's people, isn't it." He walked off, smiling at the realtor. "Spike's been instrumental around the Council more than once."

"Including dating Buffy," Xander quipped.

Darrien looked up at him. "EWWW!" Xander grinned at him. "So EWW! We need to tell Darcy that." He took his son's hand to walk with him.

Giles shook his head but he was smiling. The baby was so adorable at times.

***

Darrien ran off and jumped on Thor's back to cuddle him. "We ran into Uncle Spike. Dad said he used to date Auntie Buffy, which is *gross*." He kissed him on the cheek. "We found a great place and now we have to clean up the vampire messiness and then make it so the girls each get their own rooms. Before they pull knives to get to the bathroom first again. It was so sick! Brenda's fifteen and she stabbed six other girls to get the bathroom first one morning because she was being a *girl*. They need more at the house in Cleveland. Ninety-four girls and six dorm bathrooms is not a good thing," he babbled.

"But Daddy said we get our own apartment and it's just over the bridge in somewhere called Williamsburg. Which I thought was in Virginia but I guess more than one place can have the same name. It's *huge*, has over three hundred rooms and two floors for classrooms and a *pool*. Which probably won't freeze because it doesn't snow like it does up there down here. Daddy said he'd have to ask for help for decorating because he can't decorate like a girl and the girls will pout at him. I can't protect him from that. No one can. And Uncle Rupert told me my oral report was really, really great. He said I'm becoming very smart.

"Uncle Spike gave me a cuddle too and I pickpocketed him but he's a vampy vamp so he might not need his wallet or ID. Though Dad mailed it to him in care of Auntie Buffy so he'll have to talk to her to get it back. And Uncle Rupert said he's leaving Loki locked in Auntie Buffy's closet. He said he was mad about the invasion and Buffy could straighten him out so until you or someone asked for him back he was going to be straightened out by her." He sucked in a deep breath.

Jane covered his mouth with her hand. "Did you have a lot of candy?" she asked.

He kissed it and smiled at her, shaking his head. "Nope. No candy. I got all hyper and happy on the way back to tell Darcy about the hotel and Dad let me run ahead because he was talking to Uncle Rupert about the building and how to fix it easiest so Daddy doesn't take years to do it."

Jane smiled. "You just held it all in?"

He nodded, eyes wide. "Yup." He leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. "You're pretty and smart. So much better than an airhead. And you don't date vampires like Uncle Spike like she does. Because that's super gross."

"It is," she agreed. She pulled him off Thor's back. "You're hyper."

"It happens. I take those moods each time I run into bad guys. Since we ran into the bad guys who Daddy turned and vowed to remove from all realms, I got hyper off their bad guy vibe." He grinned.

"Do we know them?" Jane asked him.

"I don't know but they're mean so you shouldn't. Bad guys do mean things to pretty, smart women."

"I protect her from those sort," Thor said. "You climb very well." Darrien blushed and ducked his head. "Perhaps this new place will have an area for you to play in as well. Your father could probably give you a great many places to climb and play."

"I hope so. Me and any maybe future babies will need one." He heard the sigh and looked back. "Hi, Dad."

"Didn't I tell you to go to the apartment to use the bathroom then see if we're taking Darcy out for dinner with Rupert?"

"Oops! I came in to tell Thor and Auntie Jane about the new building." He ran off again.

"Sorry, for some reason he sees bad guys and gets hyper."

"Do we know these bad guys?" Jane asked with a smile. "He babbles very well."

"Yes he does. He gets it from me," Xander said with a grin. "As for knowing them, probably not. They're one of my unfortunate weapons contacts that gives me shitty stuff that hardly ever works." He rolled his eye. "Let me make sure he's cleaning up. Sorry about the pouncing." He left, going to clean up. Darrien was already babbling at Darcy because he had ran into her in the hallway. "Thought you had to use the potty, Darrien."

"I do but she's worth waiting for."

She smiled. "Go potty. You can tell me the rest afterward." He kissed her on the arm and ran off again. "He is so sweet," she told Xander with a smile.

"And a tiny bit pushy. Want to go to dinner with us and Rupert?"

"I wouldn't mind. Should I dress up?"

"Giles promised whatever spot would be capable of me being in jeans."

"That's cool." She smiled. "Let me go tell Jane."

"He already stopped there to babble." She giggled, walking off. Xander went to clean up too. He could use a new shave. He ran into Tony Stark. "I ran the bad guy off."

"Thanks. What bad guy?"

"One of my unfortunately shitty weapons contacts that gives me broken stuff all the time."

"JARVIS?" Tony asked. A video replayed on a virtual screen in front of him. "How did Justin Hammer get out of jail already?"

"Searching records, it was overcrowding and good behavior, sir," the AI said.

"Well, now we know why Xander keeps having to fix weapons. Hammer tech is useless for anything." He walked off shaking his head. "Tell Romanoff. I think she still dislikes him."

"Yes, sir." Upstairs, the same video appeared in front of where she was making herself a sandwich.

She nodded. "I'll deal with him in a few moments so he has to go back to jail." He flashed up that report. She smiled. "Thank you, JARVIS, and thank Stark for telling me." She ate a bite, walking off. "Barton, be my hound and track where Hammer went."

He looked at her. "He's on parole. His townhome here didn't get sold in all that mess. Xander has occasionally gotten stuff from him, thankfully without having to screw him for it, and he usually lets Buffy or one of the others flirt to get it for them."

"Poor slayers." She ate another bite. "He needs to go back to jail. Before he does something else stupid I have to fix."

Clint grinned at her. "I heard." Darrien ran off the elevator, gave them both a hug, ran into the kitchen, and ran out with some water. "Wow, you're fast."

"Daddy needed water to drink before we went out to dinner. I still have hyperness from the bad guy." He ran down the emergency stairs.

Clint blinked, looking at her.

"The video did show that he ran into Hammer first and started to dance around." She finished her sandwich. "We can prevent them from meeting again."

"We can find something he's done wrong I'm sure." They smirked at each other and left to handle that annoyance before it made Stark blow things up. He did enough of that already.

***

Darcy and Darrien were out to pick up lunch orders a few days later when Darcy spotted a problem. "Darrien, we need to go back to the tower right now," she hissed. He looked up at her then around. She took his hand and walked off. They wouldn't make it there. There was a shop up closer but it wasn't really suitable for kids. She ducked in anyway, staring at the guy behind the counter, hand over the kid's eyes. "Someone's following us." He nodded. She got him out of sight and called the tower. "JARVIS, it's Darcy and Darrien. I spotted one of Steve's former teammates plus at least three others. We are there, yes, and I'm making sure he can't see things. Thanks." She hung up and made Darrien look up at her. "Super bad guys," she said quietly. "Just give it a few and your dad will be here."

"He can kick nearly anyone's butt." Darrien hugged her, but she wouldn't let him look around. A few minutes later they heard a motorcycle outside and then shouting. Some shooting. Darcy glanced out but it was bad and she wouldn't let him look. He spotted something on the wall and stared. "What's that for?"

"Ask me again when you're sixteen." She covered his eyes again.

The shopkeeper got everyone shooed into the back and showed her the back entry. She smiled and nodded, taking the kid to the tower by the back way. She ran into Clint, who called in they were safe. "Thanks."

"Welcome," he quipped. "Go inside and right up to the safe room, Darcy." She nodded, taking Darrien with her. He scowled at the security guards who had tried to stop her. "Dude, she's Foster's assistant. Stop harassing her. Forever." The guard backed off and went to harass others away from the windows before they got hurt.

Darcy came off the elevator and right to the safe room on Jane's lab floor. Bruce let them in. "Thanks, guys. Do we need to do a lab check?"

"Stark put it in lock down," Bruce said, locking them back inside. "You okay?"

"I'm okay. He might be a bit traumatized. We had to duck into an adult shop. It was the only open thing." Bruce smiled, patting her on the arm.

"Why did they have penises?" Darrien asked.

"It's for people who need one," Bruce said. "Which you don't need to worry about until you're at least sixteen."

"You lose yours when you're sixteen?" he asked, looking horrified as he guarded his.

"No but when you're sixteen you can find out why people need an extra one," Darcy said. "It only falls off if you don't clean it or you put a rubber band around it too tightly."

"I'll never do that and I always clean myself," he said, going to the bathroom to make sure. The other scientists in there smiled at her for that. She shrugged and went to make coffee.

The video feed for the hallway showed Xander and a few guards out there to make sure they were fine while this was going on. Finally Bucky walked up the hall scowling so Xander nodded at the safe room door, letting him knock and Bruce open it. "It done?" Bruce asked.

"Yeah. They wanted Darcy because they thought they could torture her to get Rogers to come save her." She snorted, staring at him, shaking her head slightly. "He probably would."

"Maybe." Bucky came in to look down at her. "You know I'm right."

"He would. It's the right thing to do. He'd just bring more help."

"Of course he would. Going alone would be stupid under any circumstance," Darcy quipped. Darrien ran out to check his father over and hug him. "We're good, Xander. I had to duck us into an adult shop and told him he didn't need to know about anything he spotted when my hand slipped off his eyes until he was sixteen."

"They had extra penises," he said, staring up at his father.

"Sometimes you need one."

"Did you lose yours?" he asked.

"It's an Anya story, son."

"Oh! Yeah, I don't need to know until I'm at least twenty then." He gave him another hug and ran in to hug Darcy again. "You're good when scary things happen." She grinned and cuddled him.

Xander leaned in. "Let me go make something known so they leave her alone. Barnes, can you take over guarding?"

"Yup. Building's clear anyway, Harris. We have them all in custody."

Xander smirked. "If you're sure." He walked off looking a bit smugly evil. It got to full blown evil when he walked outside. A few of the bad guys spotted him and flinched, one trying to scoot away from him. He stared at one that had only stared at him. "You tried to touch what was mine."

"We'd have given back Darrien," he said. "We know not to touch him, Harris."

"Wrong one." The guy swallowed, shaking his head slowly. "Yeah. As in Darrien's claimed her and is *very* pushy. Giles even moved us to the new center being built here in New York for it. Do you hear me now?"

"Yes," he said, looking down. "We'd never touch what was yours because we don't want to face the ones that would take us out to get you."

"Exactly." He patted him on the head, getting glared at. "Just think, Olivia's around here somewhere looking for someone who'd be good enough to bring me to her. You guys lifted your heads as warriors and soldiers." They shrank down. Xander smiled. "Aren't you so pleased with yourselves? Remember, if they show up in your cell, they're probably bad for your continued health. Or at least your souls." One started to cry. "Aww, did he offer you a deal?" The guy nodded quickly. "I'm sorry. But hey, at least you won't be *bored* and if you're badass enough they'll offer you a job instead."

"I can do that," he said. The others snorted. He pulled a hidden weapon and shot half of them non-fatally. "I can be the badass they'll want to work for them instead of using as a victim. You're all screwed but you'll make fine victims." A demon appeared and he bowed, staring at it the whole time. "I'd rather have a job than be a victim."

"We test all those first but if you're tough enough we'd hire you. It's an admirable goal, mortal." He looked at Xander. "Olivia is watching."

Xander grinned. "I'll guard the two she'd use." He strolled off, then raced up the stairs when he got inside. He had to get to Barton and Barnes before she did. Too late but Darcy had tazed her and Darrien was kicking her on the ass until she gave up and left Bucky alone. Xander pulled his sword and took a swing at her but she disappeared suddenly. Darcy thankfully ducked. He grinned at her. "Nice." He looked at Barnes. "She wants a minion tough enough to battle me and bring me to her."

"Uh-huh. How do I protect myself from her?"

"Three little marks, can be painted on right now. Someone get me some body paint or henna." Bruce got him some from his lab and he painted the marks on everyone who wanted it. Plus another protection mark to help against mental takeovers.

Stark came up and watched. "Protections?"

"Yup."

"Do me next," he said. "I'd hate to be under someone's control." Xander got him next and it was better. "Thanks, Harris. Who was the pretty redheaded one?"

"Olivia's a brunette," Darrien said, looking at his father. "Is that her sister Opal?"

"Her sister, yes. Not Opal. Skinny, like all bones skinny?"

"Looked like she's an Asgardian," Steve said from the doorway.

"That's super bad news. Tell Thor to tell Amora I said hi. She *really* wants in Thor's panties." He glanced at Jane, who stomped off to help Thor. "It's the curse of the ex-girlfriend," he quipped. He finished painting marks. "Rogers?"

"What are they for?"

"Protection against a few higher demons who'd love someone who could make me beg and be hers," Xander quipped. He came in to let Xander paint them on his forearm. When he got done, he went up to do it to the other lab safe room's people. Fitz and Simmons already had themselves guarded so that was handy. Stark came in to see what they were all for. Xander had to paint on one line that had a scar through it, but Simmons giggled at the ticklish feeling.

Steve stopped Xander after everyone was protected. "Why were the HYDRA agents scared of you?"

"Because demons who buy souls are really fond of guys like that. Frantic to get free, have some skills they can use, will get them minor status points for being agents." He smiled. "SHIELD used to have a protocol for when demons showed up in their jails to offer soul deals to get free. With a few wanting me because I'm the hardest target they've ever had, they could use them to capture me, or so they'd hope. They also know if they had touched Darrien they would've died very hard. I have no problem with blowing up assholes who have my son. Or calling in a poker debt to have fun with them. Most of my poker debts wouldn't touch Darrien either. They don't want me mad at them. So they'd just have some...fun with the ones holding him while keeping Darrien asleep or something. I'd nicely walk in to find a mess and my kid sleeping in the center of it. Again."

"You did?" Stark asked.

"Yeah, I didn't even have to ask. The one that did it paid off a poker debt that way and then told me where he was. That was the only day he went to preschool." He smiled. "There's an Interpol file on that incident. They asked me why my son wasn't touched so I pulled out my ID and said I had heard it was a poker debt sweetly repaying ten kittens. Not really *amused* inspectors but they appreciated that no one touches what's mine or the slayers without someone showing up to fix it. One tried to take a slayer's girlfriend. Big oops that got stopped by Buffy. Without beating him but he wished really hard after an hour of Buffy trying to get him to give up and give her back the girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?" Steve asked.

"Some of the slayers are bisexual or lesbians, yes." He stared at him. "Five to ten percent of all of humanity is gay or bisexual, Rogers. Why do you think slayers are any different? Our head witch is bi. I'm bi." He shrugged. "Buffy's confused." He walked off, getting some water to bring down there. "Darcy said she's out and we're having dinner with her, guys."

Thor met him at the elevator since he was getting off. "Amora said hello and she thinks it's sweet you've found one like Lady Darcy to be yours. She will refrain from kidnaping you again until after a year of mourning if you lose her."

"Thanks. Not what I'd want then but thanks." Thor nodded, smiling at him. "Have fun with that. Did Jane help?"

"Amora said she would wait to talk to me until Jane had left me for death." He walked off shaking his head. His Jane had just threatened one who was more crazy and powerful than his brother. She had done it with a spoon. Amora had actually been scared of what Jane would do. She was surely a bit too tired at the moment if that threat had been seen as more than a statement of claiming but Amora said she knew women who would fight to the death over their menfolk. So she was backing off for now.

"Hey, find an apple," Xander quipped, staring back at him. "Or something like it." Thor's face lit up and Xander smirked. He went down to help Darcy calm down. She and Darrien were cooking and dancing in the kitchen. He snuck up on his kid, making him squeak but Darcy grinned and pulled him in to help them dance. He was still a dork but she helped and it was fun. Even if they did burn the cauliflower.

***

Darcy came in from lunch the next day sighing in displeasure. Xander met her in the lab hallway. "I hate your friends."

"So do I. That's why I don't talk to them. You didn't tell me they were going to take you out. If so I would've warned you and them off you."

"I can handle them myself."

"Of course you can but Buffy's a bitch and you shouldn't have to handle her or her foul ideas about *normal* people and their usefulness. The same as I shouldn't have to deal with the same thoughts from her."

"She considers you normal?" Darcy demanded.

"Yeah. She didn't mention that?" he shot back, giving her a look.

"She thought you did *support* things."

"That's half my job," he agreed. He looked at her. "You pull her hair out?"

"I'm not a hair puller. If I want to hurt her, I'll break her nose."

"Hit her chin instead. She had to have her nose rebuilt last year after a battle. She'll freak out and try to hit you back."

"Good to know." She stared at him. "She didn't dish out anything I couldn't handle."

"She shouldn't have threatened you at all."

"Friends do that."

"Jane hasn't given me more than the shovel talk, Darcy. Which is what I'd expect from Buffy. You got it from Giles."

"I remember. His was very genteel. Like Jane's mom would've done." She blinked a few times. "She tried to act threatening and be threatening without actually threatening."

He sighed, smiling at her. "Last year she pulled one of the slayer's boyfriend's head clean off while threatening him." She winced. "The guy was an imbecile but not that badly. Though it was nice we found out he was reanimated." He shook his head quickly. "But you're okay? I can threaten her to back the hell off you."

"I'm fine, Xander. She may not appreciate that I can help you do your job but I'm fine with her. I suggested a different knife to clean her nails with because that one was ruining them." He smiled, giving her a hug. "I guess I passed the test."

"She said you were too tough for me and too much like Faith but she'd let us be until we broke up. I told her she was shit outta luck unless that's what you wanted and if you
had been driven off I was going to sell her to someone."

She laughed. "I'm fine. Really." He smiled, walking her back to Jane's lab. She walked in. "Buffy tried to scare me off but she failed miserably."

"I'll make sure she doesn't get Faith into the threatening action," Xander said. "Faith might to make sure you're tough enough in case something happens. I've pointed out what you do here with the team and lab staff. Faith should not try but Buffy can nag you into the stupidest stuff sometimes."

Jane patted him on the arm. "We know how to deal with threatening women, Xander."

"Okay. I just don't want to have them be too mean. I'm sure Darcy can kick them around if she has to but I don't want to make her have to."

Jane nodded. "Which is sweet of you." He grinned.

Darcy kissed him on the cheek. "Go do the construction details."

"Already done," he said with a grin. "But Darrien and I are going to the zoo later."

"Busy or I'd go."

He shrugged but smiled. "We can go some other time with you." She nodded and he kissed her quickly then left.

Darcy sat down, smiling at Jane. "He's very sweet."

"He is. Very protective. Just about as protective as Thor is." Jane gave her a look.

Darcy shrugged but smiled. "He's not the smothering sort that Thor was doing to you before I talked to him about you beating things yourself sometimes."

"Good point. And he's not clingy. Just checking to see if you want to join them."

"They need parent and kid time."

"They do," she agreed. "You can go to the zoo."

"I've got a ton of stuff to do today and we've got plans to all go somewhere tomorrow."

"Okay," Jane said. She got back to work. It was a cutely awkward relationship at times but it was fun to watch.

***
Part 5 by Voracity2
Stark stopped Xander on his way in that night. "So you and Lewis are serious?"

Xander nodded. "I'm hoping so."

"You two thinking about moving in?"

"No, I've been looking for a real apartment for us for the next year while the new center is being fixed up. I should have something next week."

Stark looked at him. "I could let you move in with her."

"Faulty logic, Stark. She's got one bedroom and we haven't slept together yet. Plus the kid can't really spend all the time on the couch." Stark nodded. "But thanks for the offer." He grinned. "I'm not the sort of guy to move in with my girlfriend unless we're really serious and I'm thinking about rings. I didn't move in with Anya until after I had decided to take her hints about marriage and had bought the ring. Though I proposed about six months later."

"That's a good idea," Stark agreed. "A bit old fashioned but good."

"I do have to think about Darrien before most everything else."

"Point. That's why I don't have kids. I can't do that." Xander smirked. "You can rent from me. There's a few apartments."

"I was hoping for one off-tower so we could get away from all the watching."

He nodded. "That could help. Thor's granted his permission for courting."

"Yeah but you're like a big brother too or we wouldn't be talking and Jane is like a big sister too. Plus most of the others. That and I don't think you guys need to have your training interrupted by the kid genius who freaked Barton out this morning because he snuck off to use his climbing area and got stuck."

"He mentioned that but the kid's fine. He's mannered. Even Pepper thinks he has nice manners."

"I've tried with Eira. Thankfully he takes hints."

Stark nodded. "You're staying here. That way we can make sure no one else comes for either of you without us hearing." He walked off. "I'll set up a rental lease tonight."

"Thank you," he called after him. "I'll get the weapons out of storage."

Stark grinned back at him. "We're used to weapons, even if most of yours are sharp and pointy." He got onto the elevator and left for his lab to send Pepper an email. She was sighing in pleasure about Darcy and Xander. A few others were sighing in displeasure but yay. Tony's tower so Tony's rules.

***

Xander signed the lease and handed over the security deposit and first month's rent then called. "Eira, Xander. We can have the weapons now. Yeah, that's good. It can sit under the bed. Thanks." He hung up and smiled at Stark. "The coven will handle bringing it and *someone's* school books," he said, looking at his son.

Darrien smiled at him. "Do we have to use the same ones since this is New York and not Canada?"

"I'll check into that tomorrow," Xander said. "Still means homework soon."

"I'll beg nicely for a last night of freedom?" he said with a cute, hopeful look. "We can take Darcy to dinner? Maybe somewhere fun too?"

"I'm not sure what she's doing tonight and we'll be putting up weapons for most of the night."

"I can ask her. She might like to help with the swords and stuff."

"She can come help and we'll make dinner."

"Not goat?" he asked with a grimace. "We've had it for the last three days, Dad."

"Fine, not goat." Darrien got up to dance and cheer.

"He's adorable," Pepper said from her seat, smiling at him.

"If I was a tiny bit older I'd flirt with you but I'm still too impressionable and you make me think naughty boy thoughts about skipping school to help you plant your garden," Darrien said with a blush, ducking his head.

Pepper pulled him over to kiss him on the cheek. "You'd need to be at least twenty for me, Darrien, but I still think you're adorable." He blushed brighter and kissed her on the nose then ran off to find Darcy. She smiled at Xander.

"Neither of us know what to do when nice, talented women like you think we're cute, Miss Potts. You're not evil like most of mine have been, and you're not a slayer or hunter like most of the ones he's known." He smiled and left to find his kid.

Pepper sighed. "He's so nice."

Stark looked at her. "Darrien was going to help you take care of yourself by helping you plant a garden."

"It's a good idea. If I was home more often I might let him help me." She got up and strolled off, taking the rental agreement up to her office.

"I'll buy you fruit trees," Tony called after her. "Ones that'll bloom in your office." He did that on his way after her. JARVIS canceled two of them on him and picked something she wasn't allergic to. That was sweet of his AI. Pepper deserved the best of everything for putting up with him.

***

Darrien ran into the lab and climbed up into Darcy's lap with a smile. "We're getting the weapons down tonight if you want to help us put them up and have dinner. Dad even promised no more goat."

She blinked. "I'll be working a tiny bit late tonight but I can come by for a late dinner and help you guys put up weapons." Jane smiled at her, shaking her head as she went to take a break. "Are you happy?"

"I'm very happy and Miss Pepper teased me," he said with a blush, ducking his head. "I'm much too young for her but she flirted and it was sweet."

"It is very sweet but that's because you're so sweet." He snuggled in, hugging her. "Thanks, kiddo."

"You're going to love the weapons. We do."

"I know your dad does."

He looked up at her. "I used to nap with the weapons. It was quieter when I was a baby."

Xander walked in shaking his head. "He did used to sleep in the back of the truck on top of the grenade tubes." He took her back, staring at him. "You're supposed to ask before you climb on people."

"Oops. Sorry, Darcy."

"It's all right, next time you'll ask." He smiled and leaned down to kiss her on top of the head. She hugged him and Xander made him sit up. "I've got to work a bit late tonight because Jane's taking readings tonight from the roof."

"That's fine. You can come over later. I'll make tacos or something." She smiled and nodded. "Okay, we'll go eat and put up the weapons." He winked at her and strolled out. "You have to *ask* before climbing on Darcy or anyone else," he said as they walked toward the stairs. "Or on other people's things, because you're not an Avenger so you should not be in their gym."

"Yes, dad," he sighed. "I needed to exercise."

He stared at his son, pausing on the stairs. "You have exercises to do in the apartment. Don't start. They're not slayers and they don't have to humor you, son."

"If they were slayers I'd hide like a mo fo," Darrien quipped, staring at him. "Because the slayers are usually mean and snotty."

"Only some of them."

"They all have their days."

"You'll learn about women times later, son." He kept walking, taking him down there. He really did have to set some limits with his son. He ran into someone in his apartment. "Hi," he said, smiling at the agent. "Did you need a sword?"

"I was asked to please make an inventory of your weapons."

"I have US approval to hoard any weapons I want, Agent Romanoff." She quirked an eyebrow up. He pulled up the digital copies of those letters. "I have them from seventeen different countries. Including the US." He showed her them.

She handed the phone back. "We would still like to know what you have in case something happens. You could be broken in on." Piles of boxes, bags, and swords, axes, and knives appeared.

"You go ahead and try," he quipped, waving a hand. She tried to touch one and her hand passed through it. She stared at him. He stared back. "I don't think that'll be a problem." He smiled. "Frankly, if Agent Coulson wants to know, he's shit outta luck. We don't answer to you guys or SHIELD or anyone else." He put the kid down, letting Darrien head for the bathroom. That was his standard fall back for hiding from a fight. "I don't care *who* wanted it. This is only for the girls' benefit. We don't loan them out."

"If there's another invasion you wouldn't lend things?" she asked.

"If there's another invasion do you really think the slayers and I wouldn't be there?" he demanded back.

"Point," she admitted. "Still, an inventory would be a good thing to have."

"I have them named. It looks like Eira kept sixteen things." She huffed. "Bob and the three Patricks are all missing." He looked around. "Looks like all the Chucks are missing but they're bladed weapons." She rolled her eyes. He smiled. "You're very good at your job. I've run into a few people you've screwed before, mostly when I needed something for the slayers." He stared at her. "I'm not against your job but I'm not participating in it."

"Do the girls only have these?"

"Hell no," he said with a bright, happy smile. "There's sixteen different warehouses that are magically concealed around the world. This is my collection, minus a few things I'll be asking Eira about."

She blinked. "Yours?"

"Yeah. I need it sometimes and this way I don't have to take from the stuff the girls need. That and half were presents." He shrugged but grinned. "By the way, Gregori said hi if I ran into you."

"You know him?"

"Yeah, I fucked him three or four times for weapons the girls needed suddenly. We're on casually good terms and he congratulated me on dating Darcy. He thinks she's beautiful and more than strong enough to handle most things around my life."

She blinked at him. "Does she know that?"

"Yeah. They met the other night at the bar. She came with me when I was talking to him about something for a specific slayer in Asia the other night. We all had dinner at the bar."

She sighed. "You do not do things like we are used to."

"That's because I'm not an agent. I'm a problem solver. I have to roam around solving problems for the slayers that they can't do on their own plus jump into battles I've made the plans for. Now I have to spend more time at home thanks to the kid. Otherwise I might still be in Africa dealing with huge issues."

"How huge?"

He smiled. "Go ask them."

"I have. Most of my contacts down there have disappeared."

"I'm only responsible for two or three of those. Ask Gregori." He smiled. "But thanks for the offer of help."

"Fine. Do you require help? I can send Barton."

"I don't think I have too many bows," he said, looking around. "My three crossbows....a really ancient crossbow," he said, picking it up to put on the counter. "Does he like swords?"

"I'll send Barnes. He needs out of the way." She left, going to huff to Clint and Steve. Bucky went down to help with the sorting and storing of weapons.

Xander opened the door. "I'm sorry I insulted her but she *presumed* that I'd just hand over an inventory."

"I wouldn't," Barnes said. He walked in and looked. "Is that all of them?"

Xander smiled. "Nope. Just the stuff that had been pulled out of the mystical storage area or hadn't been put up yet. Some are stuff I was fixing. All the Steve's," he said with a point at the swords. "Needed to be sharpened and checked."

"You name them?"

"Yes, and I teach all the slayers the same code so they know what we're talking about," Xander said, looking at him. "They can't remember what type of sword each is. Or official designations for weapons. If I yelled out 'toss me the XR-T3', I'd get stupid looks. So I yell 'toss me the Xavians' and they toss me that."

Bucky nodded. "That makes a lot of sense." He looked around. "Darrien?"

"Hiding from evil redheads," he said with a point. "She's gone, Darrien. Bucky's here."

He peeked out. "Are you sure? Redheads are all evil."

"She's upstairs complaining to Steve," Bucky said. "She's not usually evil."

"It's the red hair," Xander said quietly. "He's used to Rosenburg."

"She's evil." He got back to washing his hands then came out to help set things up. They got an area cleared and Faith appeared with a limp thing over her arm and two bags in the other hand. Darrien took the bags, smiling at her. "Thanks, Auntie Faith."

"You're welcome, kiddo."

"Are you here to meet Darcy? Because if you are you can't be mean to her. I'll have to be mean back if you're mean to Darcy."

"Son!" Xander sighed. "Darcy's a strong woman and she can pick back at Faith if she tries to pick at her." She stared at Faith. "Though I have warned her."

"I'd like to meet the bombshell," Faith said with a smile. "But I'd never be B, X. She felt threatened by a woman with real boobs and real curves."

"Figures."

Faith grinned. "Where?" Xander looked and pointed. The limp thing got hung up and Xander walked through to check it. "Yeah, some of the girls bummed." He huffed. "The rest is coming back tomorrow plus more stuff that needs fixed." He came out to stare at her. She looked then at him. "It's the bracelet." He found his and put it on, going back in there. "I'll order a second one for her." She looked James over, smiling at him. "B never said there were hotties up here." She tested his bicep by squeezing. "Looks like you could keep up with a slayer, cutie."

He smiled. "I usually keep up with Rogers."

"We're better than him." She winked. "Wanna test that?"

"I've been meaning to ask about that." He looked her over. "But I'm not the pushy sort."

"That's even better. Flirting is good for at least a day before funsies, unless there's a battle first."

"Go ahead, Bucky. She can probably kick your ass," Xander said. "Faith's our secondary senior slayer and about tenth or eleventh on our 'kicks ass' list."

"I can test that," he said, smirking at her. "You busy now?"

"Nope. Not a bit." She strolled off. "Darrien?"

"I'm staying here. I see plenty of flirting when I help Dad flirt with Darcy."

She tweaked his ear with a smile. "You're good at it too, kiddo." They went up to the gym to workout.

Xander smiled at Darrien, who came in to turn off the protections so they could get to the real work. He ordered dinner for them when it was time to eat. Darrien cheered at the tacos. When Darcy showed up, Xander took his bracelet off and put it on her. He had ways around it but none of the slayers knew that and he wanted to keep it that way. "It's so you can access the storage area."

She looked at the last few bags that had to be put up then at him. "No weapons?" He led her to look in the stuff he had left out. Plus the storage area. She gasped. He stared at her with a grin. "Wow. This is a ton of weapons."

"We need it a lot. We have huge battles every spring."

She smiled, squeezing his hand. "As long as none of them join any of us in bed."

"Darrien sleeps on top of a few things but otherwise no. Not usually. Now and then my axe will collapse with me though."

"I can handle those days. You'll teach me how to handle her in case I need to move her to treat injuries."

He nodded. "I can do that." She smiled, leaning into him to kiss him gently. He deepened it and smirked at her. "Tacos? He's been good not touching them."

"That's cool." They settled in to eat and talk about the stuff that still needed to be put up. Darrien fell asleep during it leaning against her arm. She smiled, picking him up to take him to his room. Xander got him stripped down and she tucked him in then they went back to eat.

***

Darcy walked into the main common room of the tower the next morning and got paused by all the young women. "Ladies?" she asked. They all stared at her, including Faith where she was making coffee, plus Natasha and Clint were in there. "Did you need Xander?"

"We showed up to do the first day deconstruction. It's a thing," Faith said. "That way it's *our* center even though the crew guys will get most of the work."

"Let me call Xander. He's trying to make Darrien take a shower." She sent a text message. Xander came off the next elevator. "Here he is. Darrien?"

"Washing his back before I scrub him with a rough car brush." He looked at them. "I thought we closed next week." They all pouted. "Let me call Giles." He did that and Giles faxed the information that they had bought it yesterday. "Okay, I was wrong." They all smiled. "Guys, this is Darcy," he said with a hand wave at her. She smiled and waved.

Faith strolled over, staring at her. "I still approve and you handled B well enough. She's a bit of a bitch."

Darcy smiled. "I'm used to it from college. You should see scientists hungry for the little, tiny bit of funding there is."

Faith smirked, punching her on the arm. "Ladies, this is the one that Darrien wants to be his stepmommy." The girls squealed and ran over to talk to Darcy all at once. She smiled and sat with them to talk.

"Let me hurry Darrien up," Xander quipped. "Someone save her from being pounced?" He went back down there.

Dara, the local slayer, came off the elevator. "Why hi there, girls," she quipped, punching Faith on the arm.

Faith smirked at her. "I'm sure you've met Darcy."

"Yup, helped her save some hot guy that the vampy vamps wanted as their toy." She smirked at Clint and Natasha, waving at them. "Hi. We're going to destroy stuff. We're really good at it." Xander came up with the kid and the girls all dragged Darcy with them to the new Council center. Clint and Natasha both waved, letting Xander be the heroic, saving one for Darcy.

Jane came up a half-hour later scowling. "I got some confused voicemail from Darcy that I couldn't understand because of a lot of background babbling."

"The slayers came up to do the symbolic first destruction on their new center and dragged her to get to know her," Natasha said. She sipped her tea and nibbled on her toast with peanut butter.

"There was dozens of them," Clint said with a smile for her.

"Only ten," Natasha corrected. "They simply seemed like a small army."

Jane nodded, smiling. "That's cool. It's good they're liking her and Xander. Darrien with them?" The spies both nodded. "Great." She walked off smiling to tell Thor. He would enjoy that too.

Stark came off the elevator with streaks of grease on his face and in his hair. "Where's Lewis?"

"The slayers dragged her off," Clint said. "They're doing the symbolic first destruction of their new place."

"Ah," Stark said with a smile. "Bouncy girls?" They both nodded. "That's fine I guess. She does earn days off." He looked at the strainer that held cups.

"Don't you dare touch anything with those greasy hands," Natasha warned. "I am not going to stand over you with a whip to make you clean them up." He gave her an odd look. She stared back. "None of the rest of us share your fondness for grease."

"Sorry," he quipped, moving to wash his hands. "Don't want whipped." He found his cup and plucked it up without touching anything else then poured himself some coffee before walking off. A few minutes later he got a text message reminding him that coffee was not food and he had to eat food before science abandoned him when he collapsed like a maiden in his lab. He snorted, but ordered food. He wasn't a maiden and he didn't want to become one either. Steve walked in with the bag of food, so Stark smiled politely and took it. "Thank you." He wouldn't remark on Rogers coming back without apologizing, yet.

"It was at the front desk when I came in from my jog. No Lewis?"

"The slayers dragged her off to help them do some destruction stuff on their new building. She has days off and she's still nagging us to eat, which is her job." He dug into his breakfast, humming in pleasure. "I think I missed dinner," he mumbled between bites.

Steve shook his head. "I'll tell Bucky. He wanted to see if he could teach her how to defend herself better." He walked off. Bucky was out of the shower and making coffee. "The slayers dragged her off to help them."

"That's nice of them," Bucky agreed. "Go shower. I'll start breakfast." Steve nodded, going to do that. He shook his head but kept his mouth shut.

***

Darcy showed up about two, sweating and panting as she came off the elevator. Bucky looked up from watching the news, one eyebrow coming up. "You good?"

"Bit tired. We tore down three walls, met the construction crew, helped Xander remind the girls that sexual harassment of the crew meant they wouldn't do the job and the girls would be forced to stay in the one with only six bathrooms for all of them. They apologized and the construction guys were happier." She flopped down with a sigh. "They all have a lot more energy than I have."

"They probably need it," Bucky said.

"Probably. They ran two blocks to *mug* the ice cream shop for lunch. Including flirting with the shopkeeper until he went to hide behind his female manager. Then Xander came in and reminded them they're *ladies*, not hos, and it got nicer. Then Darrien came in and all the slayers fussed over him until he ran to hide behind the store manager. I came in since Xander had left his wallet. Darrien ran over to hide behind me and told me the slayers were scaring him. I scowled and the girls giggled but Xander scowled and they agreed they could quit scaring people. They got ice cream and went back to help destroy more things. Darrien hid behind his father all the way back and I followed to help them. Xander told me to come feed the scientists while he herded the slayers." She sighed, pushing herself up. "Let me go check to make sure no one's passed out."

"Stark ate because Thor reminded him and Jane. He made them tiny things to eat by hand and nibble as he put it."

Darcy smiled, going down there anyway then to shower and change. They had a planned dinner tonight without the kid, since there were handy babysitters around. She came out wearing a pretty blue dress and in heels, going down to the science floor. "Don't you dare mess me up," she announced as she walked into the SHIELD team's lab.

Jemma smiled at her. "You look darling in that, Darcy."

"Thank you. Did you guys remember to eat today?" Fitz waved his burger and Jemma pointed at her tea cup. "Jemma, you need more than tea. Do you want to be the lab maiden in distress when you pass out?" Leo choked and spluttered but shook his head, leaning on their work table. Jemma and Darcy both pounded him on the back, making him flap a hand at them.

Jemma smiled at her. "I'll get some biscuits before Leo has to be put to bed for his own health." She went to get some cookies from the vending machine and came back eating them. Leo was being put onto their lab couch by Darcy then Darcy patted her before going downstairs. She handed him a cookie. He nibbled it. "She did look nice."

"Yes she did," he said, still sounding hoarse and weak. "Xander's a lucky man."

"Yes he is. She's a wonderful girl." She went back to their work while he recovered. He'd be fine in a bit.

Darcy walked into Stark's lab, looking around. "Nothing that'll mess me up?"

"Not today," he said, spinning around from his tinkering with something. He blinked a few times. "Date tonight?" he guessed. She smiled and nodded. "Wow." She smirked, patting him on the arm as she made him coffee. "I have some."

"Yes, that cup has mold though. Let's get you a clean cup of coffee. You probably don't need the extra antibiotics." She gathered up all the empty coffee cups and plates, heading up to wash them for him. When she came back, a little damp but still good enough, he was actually drinking clean, hot coffee and eating a sandwich. "Good job!" she quipped. "Did you remember to call Pepper today?" He winced and called her. "And don't forget the stuff for that meeting she wanted you at tomorrow, like clean clothes?"

"Crap. I need to send stuff out to be washed," he muttered, walking off talking to Pepper.

Darcy followed, going up to Bruce's lab. He was working so she cleared her throat from the doorway. He looked at her, eyes wide. "It's almost three in the afternoon, have you eaten breakfast?" she asked with a smile.

He looked at his watch then shook his head with a sigh. "Not since four this morning."

"Then maybe you should have a brunch and a nap?"

"I think I can do that," he said with a smile. "You look nice."

"Thank you. I have a date tonight." She winked and strolled off. "Do I need to bring you food?"

"No, I can make my own lunch," he promised with a grin.

She grinned and skipped off again. "Oh, Jane!" she called as she walked into her lab. "Has the pop tart fairy shown up in the last hour or so?"

"Thor made me nibbling things," she said from under a machine. "Give me a wrench?"

Darcy looked and handed the adjustable one over. "How long ago was the nibbling?"

Jane rolled out of the cavity, staring at her. "Wow, pretty."

"Dinner date." She smiled. "Pop tart fairy?"

"Coffee?" she begged.

"Coffee I can do." She went to make her some and brought her a cup with a straw. Jane smiled, going back to fixing her machine. "Stark's doing laundry and Bruce is upstairs. I had to put Leo onto his couch but Jemma's working if you need help," she offered at the frustrated grunting.

"I could use Leo and Jemma."

She called up there. "Jemma, Jane could use some fixing help of a machine she's created if you two aren't too busy?" She smiled. "We have a coffee maker down here. Stark insisted when he heard we didn't have one. He told us there was a coffee fund written into the grants." She laughed. "Sure. Thanks, guys." She hung up. "Ten minutes, Jane. Let me finish inputting this information."

"I did it," Jane sighed.

"I noticed it's all in the wrong spaces," she quipped back. She fixed it by copying and pasting back into the right spots then filing the original notes. Fitz and Simmons walked in chatting and over to where Jane was working. "Thanks, guys." She got to the new information and input all that while the three geniuses worked on the poor machines. Jemma was fascinated by all the duct tape. Leo and Jane were talking about what the machine was supposed to do. Darcy made sure the coffee kept coming and there were things they could eat while they worked on the poor thing.

***

Bucky looked up from reading as Darcy came off the elevator after her date. She didn't look pleased. "It go that badly?"

"The restaurant was attacked by an arms dealer who *demanded* Xander come pay attention to her. When it was pointed out he was on a date, the woman got huffy that he had me and didn't immediately fall at her feet like some dog. So they had a fight outside, after he pulled her out of the restaurant by her hair, and then he came back in and we needed to go before her second-in-command showed up. So we went for a lesser dinner, which was nice, but then agents showed up to ask him about that ex. He spotted the agent walking in and made fun of him, which he just *loved*, and then told him that who he slept with to get the slayers a weapon two years earlier, while in Asia, was none of his business.

"The agent didn't like that answer. He tried to get me to go and I pointed out we were having a date and the agent was rude. If he needed to know that much, I was sure Xander had a legal authority. Which meant Xander pulled out copies of the 'I can own any damn weapon I want' paperwork. The agent nearly had a fit. The gang member in the restaurant, in the back room having a dinner with *his* girlfriend, got paranoid and stormed out to take out the agent. He fist bumped Xander, and suddenly I'm realizing I have no idea how to live in his world." She flopped down with a huff. "I thought maybe being a stepmom would be the weird thing. Not his ex's being on multiple lists."

Bucky stared at her oddly. "Who was the arms dealer?"

She shrugged. "She didn't want to introduce herself."

"Ah." He nodded. "Does Stark know?"

"I don't care." He smiled. "She even offered us a threesome. Then she told Xander I wasn't adventurous enough for him since I turned her down."

Bucky stared at her. "Is he usually like that?"

"I haven't known him that long. He's usually sweet and a bit dangerous but protective and all manly and all that around me. I didn't realize he had ex's that were going to show up to talk to us during things. I expected some ex's but not arms dealers really."

Bucky nodded. "I wouldn't have expected it of him either." He stared at her. "Is he too dangerous for you?"

"I don't think so. I've seen him at some battles, and I went looking for youtube videos of them. It's not much different than you guys go through." He nodded once. "But I don't know about his ex's showing up and getting all demanding and weird."

"We can help her be arrested."

"He might need her to help the slayers sometime in the future."

"Point, but there's always other arms dealers around."

"And how many of them are going to be ex's showing up?" she countered. "Being all freaky and weird and b.t.dubs, kinda freaky with the way she stared at my boobs while drooling. She even took stuff off my plate to nibble while they talked and while she was ignoring me after I turned down her generous offer."

"She probably expected you to stab her to prove you wanted Xander more," Bucky said.

"Does he need me to be that tough?"

"You'd have to ask him," Bucky said with a shrug.

"I should but he's off yelling at an agent sort who was also an ex as it turned out, and got freaky about said arms dealer. The agent ex suggested they could pick up Darrien and go to Tahoe for the weekend, he was insistent he could get his partner's fishing cabin. Then he stared at me for a minute and said 'bring her, she'll be fun'. Until I punched him."

Bucky smiled. "Good job."

Clint came off the elevator and paused to hug Darcy around the head. "Nice job but next time taze the dick. He deserves it." He went into the kitchen, coming out with an orange to peel and eat. "What did he want anyway?"

"To kidnap Xander and Darrien to his partner's fishing cabin. Do you think he needs me to be as tough as the arms dealer that showed up tonight to demand sexual favors?" Clint choked, shaking his head. "Sorry."

"Arms dealer?" She shrugged. "Where were you two?" She named the restaurant and where they were in it. Then where they went afterward. He got into the computer while calling Natasha up. Bucky took the computer to do it for him. The fancy one had a nice security system. Natasha came off the elevator adjusting her t-shirt over her sports bra and shorts. "Xander has an arms dealer ex, and one that's Flinton."

"He stooped that low?" she asked, looking at Darcy.

"I hit him for suggesting Xander bring me for fun."

"Next time, use the tazer," Natasha said with a grimace. "He's clearly stepped up a large step with you." She took the keyboard from Bucky to do it for him, and faster. "Where else are we looking...is that Poloma?"

"That's what Xander called her I think. Something like that," Darcy said with a grimace. "I wanted to stab her."

"You should have," Natasha and Clint said together, looking at her. She smiled a tiny bit back. They went back to looking and sent in a report to an agent they liked.

Steve came out of his area, staring at the picture. "Do we have to deal with them?" he asked. "And why is Xander talking to them?"

"That's an agent," Darcy said with a point. "He was wondering why Xander had sexed up the bad girl in the other capture."

"Xander has some really slightly evil contacts," Clint said. "I need some of those."

Natasha patted him on the knee. "If you did, I'd have to take them out before they wanted me for sexual favors."

He grinned at her. "I'd never trade you for weapons, even really cool arrows, Nat."

"Thank you." She went back to hacking. "The current agent talking to him is an even bigger dick. Steve, please go stop him by stunning his puny mind." He nodded with a sigh, going down there. The agent spotted him and his eyes went wide as he slowly backed away and ran off. Xander punched him on the arm, going upstairs with him. Natasha looked at Darcy. "He doesn't necessarily need someone that tough but able to protect themselves is probably a need."

"I can mostly do that."

Xander came off the elevator with Steve, pausing to kiss Darcy on the head. "You are not a slayer and I'd never expect you to be a slayer, but you have to be able to get yourself out of somewhere if necessary, probably with the sprout."

"Thanks. I was hoping you didn't need me to stab them. How many others like her are there?"

"Many but they were useful and still mostly are. I'd never go back with them. They were all pathetic in bed." He grinned. "I'm sure you're not."

"I'd hope not. I've never had a complaint."

He smiled with a wink. "Some day we'll get to find out. I'll tame back my stamina issues."

"Stamina?" Clint asked.

"My last real ex, Anya, wanted a lot of sex after me working construction all day and going on patrol. She complained a *lot* if she didn't get at least four orgasms a day."

Clint blinked at her but Natasha said it. "When did you sleep?"

"Sundays when I had a few hours off," he quipped with a grin. "I'm fantastic but I admit I have stamina issues. Poloma was a hugely long weekend to get the six rocket launchers but she was kinda weak at the having orgasms or fun. She complained that I got her off at all." He shook his head quickly. "Definitely not what I'm used to. Her security guys kept giving me dirty looks for making her take a nap with sex." He shrugged. "It happens I guess."

"I don't need four but I always really like at least one," Darcy quipped with a grin for him.

"One I'm excellent at," he said with a smirk and a wink. "We'll see after a few more dates. I'm definitely not that easy unless I have to get weapons for the slayers." He kissed her for real and winked at her. "I'm going to sleep so I can go nag the construction crew into not hiding tomorrow. It'll take about a week before they're not hiding from the slayers pinching them again. Happy dreams, Darcy."

"Sweet dreams, Xander," she said with a smile. He left on the elevator. She sighed, looking at the staring agents. "What?"

"I was just thinking that many men would've used that situation to talk you into bed," Natasha said. "Not many men are that honorable any longer."

Clint nodded. "He's smoother than I am."

Darcy smiled. "He is really sweet." She stood up. "Thanks, guys." She went down to her apartment to settle in and have a few fantasy moments about him.

Clint looked at Natasha. "I never want to fight against him for a girl's attention."

"I'll go ask him about some of his contacts," she said, getting up and walking off. "You never will have to compete against him. You don't like the same sort of women." She stepped onto the elevator and went down to where Xander was living, tapping gently on his door. He opened it, wearing the same dress pants and a t-shirt. "We should talk about some of your contacts."

He smirked. "There's a huge list with Interpol somewhere thanks to another ex who got snoopy. That plus that one reporter in Syria."

She arched an eyebrow up. "Really?" He nodded. "Are there many that you are annoyed at and not keeping?"

"Six or seven that've survived in the years I've known them."

"Which reporter and which inspector?" He pulled up their cards on his phone, letting her see them. "Thank you for not making us wonder."

He smirked. "Leave the ones I might need to go to again alone. I won't do anything with them if I'm in a relationship but we can still buy cheaply from most of them."

"We'll see." He smirked evilly. She smirked back and tipped her head then left. "Does Coulson know?"

"Yeah, he blew his stack when he found me with one up there. May had a stroke or something so I sent them to the temple to get them out of my house. He's still probably grumbling about that. But we need him so sorry." He closed the door, going to have some nasty dreams he didn't usually get to have with the kid in the next room.

Natasha came back up, pulling up those people to see if she could find their files. Interpol was secure but she could crack personal files. The reporter apparently only wrote things down but one had been in a story that got buried by an emergency happening down there.

Clint stared at it. "Isn't that the walking disease?"

"Yes, but it lists that they're only business partners, not sexual ones," Natasha said.

Bucky shook his head slowly. "I remember sniping two of those. I think I was supposed to get another one but they disappeared."

Natasha highlighted one. "That one?" Bucky nodded. "She went to prison for a year."

"That figures," Steve said. "Why does he know those sorts?"

"How do you think the slayers get weapons?" Clint asked. "The governments won't give them over."

"I didn't think about that."

"He also managed to get those sorts into battles where they needed more fighters," Natasha said, reading a section. She brought that up so they could read it. "I could not manage that."

"Me either," Clint said. "Those governments wouldn't do anything if asked."

"I guess since it was so important they stepped up," Bucky said, blinking hard. "He got rebels into it?"

"Yes, it says he did," Natasha said, nodding in appreciation. Clint was shaking his head but sighing. She looked at him. "The girls would appreciate more hunters if you wanted to switch careers. They seem to appreciate your bow." He smirked at her and said something that made her and Bucky both laugh. "That is not anatomically possible, as you know."

"Bet me. You do yoga, you can bend that way, Natasha." He got up and strolled off. "I'm going to have nightmares about all the girls pouncing you. Because if I did that, then my best friend would get to help mentor the slayers."

She shuddered. "I do not think I can do that." Bucky leaned up to pat her on the shoulder. "Thank you." She went to her own rooms to hide from that very nasty thought.

Steve sat down to go over that information. "What was that huge that you needed that sort of force?"

"That looks like a proper name," Bucky said with a point, taking the keyboard to highlight it and do a search. "A hell goddess. I'd want help."

Steve nodded. "Me too. I'm not cut out for that." They shared a look and turned that off then went to their own rooms to hide in case more of Xander's ex's showed up to woo him. They would have to do something if they saw them.

***

Stark stopped Xander the next morning when he came out. "Arms dealers?" he demanded quietly. He looked around.

"He was helping Dara and Faith have a movie night last night," he said. "Yes, I know a few. Not like anyone gave the slayers weapons."

"How many did you have to get? And should we expect to need to clean slime off you someday soon?"

"I'd never touch anyone when I'm with someone, Stark. I'm not trifling and I haven't cheated since high school." Stark grimaced. "Not sure if it was my idea or not. Just...seemed to happen and it was weird." He shrugged. "I've been out of school for over a decade now."

"Fine. How many weapons do you have?"

"Many. Ask Barnes, he helped me sort them."

"Uh-huh." Xander stared at him. "How many did you bring here?"

"A few. Mostly they're obscured. Why?"

"What if we're attacked?"

"The kid knows how to get to the things he knows how to use. He also knows how to use the emergency thing to get out of the danger. I made sure of that once he could walk."

"Good!" He stared at him. "Let's see the weapons. How many are mine?"

"I don't think any are yours. Especially not in my part of the armory." He leaned on the doorway. "I think only one thing of yours showed up and it was older and used against the twin hell goddesses and that was from a regional military if I remember right."

"Uh-huh. Let's see."

"What makes you think the protections on the weapons would let you in?" He stared at him.

"You can. Now please. Before I have to tell Steve and have him come be all Captain America on you."

"Yeah, he falls to a bullet in the balls too." He smirked slightly. "My axe is in there. A few swords...."

"A mystical portal," Stark shot back, staring at him, smirking back. "Don't try to bullshit the artist."

"You're Prince, really?" he quipped with a grin.

Stark used his master key to open the door. "Fine, I'll go look."

Xander followed, letting him try to get into the portal. No go. It wouldn't open for him. Xander stared at him when Stark looked at him. "It's protected, even if the building is blown up. Only a few people can get in there by design, Stark. Including the kid if he has to hide in there."

"Uh-huh." He stared at him. "Let's see them."

"Why? So you can grunt about them? None are yours. And didn't someone do an inventory because they got nagged into it?"

"I saw that, and it's dumb."

"The girls don't remember proper names. That solves all that." Stark glared. "Not my fault. They have a lot of other things to remember. They usually only need artillery a few times a year. That way they know what they're handling. It was a practical solution when you have teenage girls handling artillery."

"Still, let's see it." Xander pointed at the portal. Stark glared. "Not cute."

"It's a protection. It works against most everyone." Stark glared harder. He tossed over the code bracelet that Darrien usually wore. Stark put it on and walked in then came back out shaking his head. Xander walked in to look then up. He had heard from a vision that she had been sent back already. "Willow Goddamn Rosenburg! Put it the fuck back! NOW! Unless you're going to go replace it?" It all reappeared with everything and a few things that he hadn't had. He sent a text message and a few other things showed up. Another text message got the other doorways opened to that one and he went to steal the others back. Then they closed and Darrien ran over. "Who took it?"

"The evil queen. She thought your ex's would make you look bad to Darcy. I yelled, Dad."

"I'm sure you did. You sound hoarse." He hugged him. "We'll try the other six storehouses later."

"Auntie Faith, Eira, and Dara all did," he said with a grin. "Because Auntie Buffy yelled at the evil queen about it. She said she'd make you look bad in front of Darcy."

"She's definitely making me look bad in front of Stark."

Darrien leaned over his dad's arm to smile and wave at him. "There's usually a lot more but the evil queen expanded the space." He looked around. "It's taller too." They stared as the doors reopened and then suddenly all the weapons were there.

Xander put him down and patted him on the head. "Go." He ran out. "Stark, go. That only happens if the other storage areas are under attack." Stark left. Xander stared at everything. "We're missing nine-tenths of everything," he said quietly, sending that text to Faith. Everything disappeared to the super secret storage area. He pulled that box out to set that up and go check it. It was all there. He came out and closed it back up. "Okay, we're set. Darrien, did anyone call?"

"Auntie Faith said there's a huge apocalypse battle," he said, handing over that phone. Xander looked. "I'll be here."

"Yes you will. Stay off the communication. Do your homework. Eat lunch if I'm not back. Check in with Darcy every hour by phone." He nodded, going to do that. "Sorry, gotta go do this and he's done this before," he said at Stark's opening mouth. He looked up. "Beam me up," he called. He disappeared.

Stark walked off calling the team. "There's an apocalypse battle somewhere," he said as he came off the elevator. "Lewis, Darrien's to check in with you hourly."

"He sent me a text already telling me what was going on. The battle's in DC." She pointed at the news report.

"We can go," Clint said, zipping up his vest. The others got their uniforms, weapons, and left. The girls were being overrun. Even with the higher weapons.

Darcy sat there and watched, biting her lip. Jane and Pepper joined her but she barely paid them any attention. "Why are they attacking DC?"

"It looks like they want their soul contracts cashed out," Pepper said. "Two of the ones on the stage, tied to the poles, are noted on a few lists as having sold themselves." She got them all a drink and they watched. It was nasty. A few of the girls fell. Stark got shot down out of the sky. Clint was taking out one of the higher demons with some of the girls. Natasha and Steve were focusing on the secondary target. Bucky was firing off the artillery at whichever demon was closer with Xander. Then Xander dove in with his axe to save a few of the girls that were trapped.

Darcy's teeth went through her lip but she didn't care. Xander was injured. You could see the blood on his shoulder and neck. The others were bleeding too though. Darcy texted Darrien to make sure he wasn't watching anything. He promised he was watching cartoons while doing math homework. She sighed and texted the medical team. They said they were aware and ready for whoever came back.

Jane winced as Thor got knocked down by one of the demons. "Ow, poor Thor."

"Poor everyone," Pepper said. Darcy nodded, staying silent. "Darcy, you can not watch if you want."

"Hell no. I want to see. I need to," she said, glancing at Pepper.

"I know that feeling," she agreed. "I hate to watch it though." Tony was firing on one of the demons, they were all focusing on one at Buffy's orders. Clint, Faith, and two other slayers were getting hostages free. One of the demons tried to hit Faith but she ducked and Clint fired at it as he moved the others. One of the hostages died. Then there was an axe in the demon's forehead. It died. The slayers let out a cheer and moved on to fight the rest. Darcy winced as Xander's leg got injured. Buffy ordered the witches to evacuate him and he ordered them not to.

He pulled his axe out of the demon's forehead and moved to another one. There were agents finally getting there and Xander ordered them to start evacuating the injured slayers. They got them out of the way and to the waiting ambulances. The agents moved up to take some of the artillery Bucky and Xander had pulled out. Bucky told them about the one demon in charge and they called that in to get more support. They watched as Buffy got knocked down and Steve Rogers got in the way of the killing blow against her. His shield saved her. Then Xander's axe came out of the demon's back. It screamed but threw it away. One of the agents went after it and brought it back while Xander used a sword he took off a fallen slayer.

The girls grouped behind Faith and Xander, making another push against the demon. Steve Rogers called a few to help him do a pincher maneuver against it. Xander nodded and they followed that. Bucky stepped up and the girls included him so they could have another team leader. Someone tried to touch the portal but got shocked for it. Xander tossed someone something and they ran in to get more weapons to use. They were the only one that could do that.

Reporters were speculating on why that agent but no one was guessing he was an ex or anything like that. Then Xander got to the secondary demon he was focused on. He threw it over his hip and killed it with a stab to the head. That left the main demon in the clear to be surrounded. The girls fell on it and it died with a scream and spraying of ichor. Xander set it on fire and the girls all spit on it before walking off. "Medical," Xander ordered, leaning on his sword. "Brad, put the rest back please." He nodded, having Bucky's help to do that. Then Bucky took the portal down and carried it off. "Thank you. Ladies, medical!" he said more loudly. "Now."

"When you go we will," Faith said, staring at him.

"We all know I'm not going to trust any doctor on any continent with me. I'll be doing my own but there's some decent hospitals in this city so you guys can all get stitches from them instead of me and Giles." He pointed. "Now. Before I sic the kid on you."

"Yeah, babysitting while injured sucks," one of the other slayers said as she limped off. "And he fusses over us."

"Yup, I taught him well," Xander quipped. He limped off after the last few slayers. He stopped to stare at one agent. "Do I need to go lurk in an ER to make sure they're all right? Because if that General Douchebag tries for them I'm going to shove a rocket launcher up his ass again. And this time I won't be talked out of ruining him for prison sex."

"He's not in town, Mr. Harris, and agents are watching over your girls. They are not harming them or directing anything, simply guarding them and making sure they get back to Cleveland as soon as they can. Two agents are on honor guard in the morgue," he said more quietly. Xander sighed but nodded. "We're aware of the last time General Ross came at your slayers. We don't want a repeat of that. Any part of it." Xander smiled coldly. "We can treat your injuries and not do anything like pull blood."

"Hell no, but thank you." He looked at the witches, who nodded at him and he disappeared. Giles was on site to handle the slayers calming down and getting home. He appeared in his apartment with a groan. Darrien peeked out of his bedroom then came over to take his axe from him. "Give me the stitching kit, kiddo."

"Is everyone okay?"

"No. There's a lot of slayers in the ER. Thankfully good agents are watching over them for me." Darrien got him the first aid kit then went back to his room. "Thanks, kiddo."

"You're welcome, Dad. Some day I'll be a doctor."

Xander smiled. "We'd all like that. Even if you decided to be a doctor like Miss Jane is." Darrien grinned, going back to his homework. Xander got to work on his stitches. When someone knocked Darrien ran out to answer it. "Who is it?" he asked, working on a stitch.

"It's a nurse, Dad."

Xander leaned over to look at them. "I can do it. Thank you."

"Are you a doctor?"

"Field medic and with the weird things in my blood I don't let anyone touch it."

"Are you contagious?"

"I don't know if you can get mermaid taint from my blood or not."

"We have gloves." She walked in and hauled him up. "I've had worse patients and while you've got a good hand we don't allow that here, Mr. Harris."

"You guys are for the Avengers team, not slayer's people."

"They're not back yet so we're bored. You're great practice before we have to strap down Mr. Stark to do his stitches." She hauled him up there with Darrien following but carrying a short sword. She stared at him in the elevator. "Do you need that?"

"If you hurt my father? Yup, sure the fuck do," he said. He got batted on the head by his father. "So? It's a good time to swear."

"My kid would too," the nurse said, hauling him into the infirmary. "He has mermaid taint he's worried will hurt someone."

The doctor put on two pairs of gloves and a mask. "We can handle that. You can sit in the waiting area, kid. You don't need to see this."

"I've seen Dad doing his own stitches before."

"So? This time you can't. Official doctors don't let you." He let Xander be hauled into the exam room so they could work on the stitches. He was clearly exhausted because he barely fought with them. They gave him gatorade while they worked and he didn't even ask for local. With how many scars he had they understood why.

Darcy walked in and right to Darrien, giving him a hug. She took the sword. "I can use that," he complained.

"So can I, and the doctors know not to piss me off because I'll bring Jane back. The last time she was in here they had to change staff." He grinned. She walked in there. "How bad and do I need to get him any meds ordered?"

"He might use an antibiotic," a nurse said. Xander shook his head. "Allergic?"

"Never had any. Don't want to start."

"Uh-huh. You've never had any?" the doctor asked.

"No, not even when the hacks took out my appendix." He finished the gatorade and tossed the bottle into the trash.

"Why didn't you have antibiotics for your appendix?" the doctor asked.

"Because the hacks in Sunnydale were more interested in the money they got for bodies and parts than saving people. I was seven and I managed it then. Actually, Willow was going to take it out for me but her mom came home unexpectedly after breaking her ankle so she made me go to the ER when it burst." He shrugged a tiny bit. "She probably would've done a better job too."

The doctor stared at him. "Are they still around?"

"Not a clue. You'd have to look up whoever was at Sunnydale General last. Am I done?"

"Fat chance," the nurse said. "We have another six cuts and the one on your shoulder is deeper." Darcy winced. "There's a waiting room, Miss Lewis."

"I'm staying and if you try to push me out I'm bringing Jane back."

The nurse looked at her. "Making terroristic threats is always a bad idea."

Darcy smiled. Xander giggled. "Xander, do you need anything?"

"Lunch. An update from DC." He swallowed. "People not to stab me with things." The nurse smiled and did it again. "I don't need that."

"I don't care. You need it when we do your shoulder."

He pointed at a scar on his side. "I did that one myself in the middle of nowhere in the rainforest after a battle. I didn't have it then and all I had was floss."

The nurse stared at him. "You're insane. We thought Stark was bad." Xander snorted but looked pleased. "Tough, we're doing it the right way and prepping for the team to come back."

Pepper walked in. "They're about a half-hour out." She stared at Xander's injuries. "Are you going to need to keep him?"

"For stitches?" Xander asked. "I would've done them myself but the mean nurse sort," he said with a point. "Pulled me off by my arm. She demanded."

Pepper stared at him then at Darcy. "You can baby him."

"I can. Jane will be busy babying Thor." Xander groaned. "I'll have help from Darrien."

"Yup, you will," the kid called. "Can we order groceries so we can cook for him, Darcy? That way he doesn't make us snake again?"

"You liked it," Xander called.

"So? I want regular food, Dad. Can we have hamburgers?"

"Sure," he sighed. "We can have hamburgers when I'm out of here."

"JARVIS, take my grocery list down please," Darcy said, making it on her phone.

"Done, Miss Lewis," the AI said. "It shall be delivered within an hour. The fees were taken from your bank card."

"Thanks, J." She went to look at Darrien. "Let's get you downstairs to clean up so all he has to do is lounge around?" He shook his head. "I'll make sure he's okay and I'll walk him down myself. But I know his room's probably a mess."

"I can nap on the couch," Xander said.

She leaned in there again, staring at him. "You want to nap on the couch in your boxers?"

"Well...." He considered it then sighed. "Yeah. I'll need to call around and I hate being in bed."

"Okay." She went to get Darrien to help her fix things up for him. By the time she went back up for Xander, the team was coming in and he was done. She walked him down there to put him onto the couch, letting Darrien tuck him in, and then they got to work cleaning up the mess the kid had made in the living room. Darcy accepted the groceries and got to work making hamburgers for the kid. He deserved them. He must be driven nuts by his dad getting into battles. She was. She and Darrien worked together, he needed to know how to cook regular food too. Xander watched while calling people for updates.

***

Clint came down that night, staring at Darrien since he had answered the door. "The docs said to come check on his injuries."

Darcy popped out of the bedroom with a smile. "He's okay, Clint. I helped him take a washcloth bath and he's resting. They're clean and looking okay."

"Good. How long did he take to hit the infirmary?"

"The nurse pulled him up there by his arm," Darrien said with a scowl. "Dad handles his own and mine. She was rude."

Clint looked down at him then at Darcy. "He does?" She nodded, lips pressed together. "That's hard core of him." He patted the kid on the head. "We'll see you guys tomorrow. Jane said to call her in the morning. She's not sure if Thor's going to be up to getting out of bed." He left again, going up to tell Stark that. "He does his own stitches usually. The nurse made him go to the infirmary." Steve gave him a horrified look. "Darrien and Darcy both said that."

Stark blinked, shaking his head. "Wow. I thought I hated the doctors poking me."

Steve looked at him then at Clint. "I've had to do it in the field for injuries but at home?"

"Some guys hate the doctors," Clint said. "I do." He walked off. "I'm glad it's not SHIELD medical anymore." Natasha let out a bitter sounding snort. "You're not glad it's not the inquisitioners any more?" he quipped.

"They never treated me as poorly as they did you because I wisely did not fight with them," she quipped back. She walked out sipping her tea. "Do we know why the slayers hated hospitals?"

"I heard a hated name mentioned," Stark said, glancing at Bruce.

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me about Ross," Bruce complained, putting his sore ankle up on a table. "Or that other people probably wanted to see what made a slayer special."

"How far up do you think he got that rocket launcher?" Bucky asked, considering it. "That'd take a lot of shoving." Steve glared at him. "Xander said he had."

Stark looked it up and smirked, showing him that file that had been on SHIELD's hard drive. "I think he nearly made it all the way in."

Bucky shuddered. "At least it was a small one. He has some old style ones down there that had a lot wider openings." Stark shuddered too.

"Was he saving one of the slayers?" Steve asked. Stark nodded, showing him that part of the file. "Oh, three slayers they had hostage. Pretty beaten up too. Looks like Ross paid for it too."

"Hopefully," Bruce agreed with a smile. "He earned it many times over I'm sure." He got up to walk off with that happy thought. General Ross was still trying to capture and torture him so he could rip apart the Hulk. Anything that made that man hurt was fine in his book, unless it bothered his ex Betty.

Stark put down the file and got up to go make himself dinner. Steve looked at Bucky, who shrugged back. They went in to make their own dinners. "I miss coming home to food," Bucky admitted as he walked in.

"She was busy babying the two new men in her life," Stark quipped with a smirk for him. "But I'm sure we'll have some next time if we ask nicely. Pepper would've ordered for us if she had thought about it."

Steve nodded. "That's nice of them. I guess it helps ease worries."

"It probably does," Pepper agreed as she walked in. "I didn't think about it, guys. Sorry."

"That's fine," Tony said with a smile for her. "Darcy was too busy babying Xander so it's good." She smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "Everyone else good?"

"We're all fine. It's going good. Xander's gotten a lot of updates according to Darrien when I stopped down there to check on him. Darcy made them hamburgers because he begged for normal guy food."

"He probably has a varied diet thanks to traveling," Steve said. "Bruce does. Do you actually eat ants? I heard him mention them."

"In some areas, there's a huge drought," Pepper said. "I'm pretty sure you eat whatever you can." He nodded he knew about that.

"We had squirrel plenty of times during the war," Bucky reminded him. "If we had to eat ants, we would've boiled them too probably. Though Jacques probably would've put a sauce on them to cover that up."

"Or ground them so they're just tiny bits you can't identify," Stark agreed.

"That too," Steve agreed. "That's weird. Where do you even find those in the US?"

"Ethnic markets," Pepper said. "There's a few of them in the city."

"People in Asia put grasshoppers in lollipops," Stark said. "There's places you can probably order them if you can't find it here in New York. We are one of the capitols of food snobs. They were probably fed all organically grown grass and then washed with the tears of virgins," he quipped.

"Tears of virgins? In this city?" Bucky quipped. "Where do they get them?"

"Probably at one of the Catholic schools," Stark shot back with a grin.

"Not in our day. Those girls were usually less chaste than the average to push back at the nuns."

Pepper nodded. "Some are today too. They're generally considered better public schools though." She walked off. "I'm going to nap, guys. Good night."

"Night, Pepper," Tony said, smiling at her back.

"Night," Steve and Bucky said together, Steve waving a bit.

Steve looked at Stark. "I've seen things about foodies but didn't get it."

"They're the great food snobs." Stark looked at him. "All sorts of problems from the food snobs in the world sometimes. Like the organic thing. They're all against pesticides, which I agree with, but then they don't realize it's already in the ground water that's watering the plants. You'll never get fully pesticide and everything else free food unless you're filtering the water with a super filter, better than anything you can use to get filtered, purified water. And even before all that, they took it out of rivers that had fish, so therefore fish bits and fish pee and fish crap. So still not all that great for you." He shrugged. "But to them if it's not *organic* it's not *right*. They're all about being free of certain things, mostly because it's fashionable."

"Is that with the gluten free thing?" Bucky asked.

Tony nodded. "That's part of it. Some people do have sensitivity to gluten, and some have allergies or celiac disease. Half the people on the gluten free kick, especially the popular people on it, are on it because it's the new 'in' thing. It's the present diet fad. They go in cycles, and now we're finally away from spinning as the hot new workout and all that stuff."

"There's fads to working out?" Steve asked. "What happened to just going to the gym and lifting weights?"

"That's not *fashionable*, Steve. Now you go and you do crossfit, which has some weight lifting but also other stuff, or yoga, which Bruce does to stay calm, and then you can go do military style PT under the watch of someone who supposedly went through it, but not totally truthful about it. You can take lessons on belly dancing or how to do stripper stuff to workout. You can go to spinning, which is riding a stationary bike with a person yelling at you to pedal faster. There's all sorts of workout styles today that have nothing to do with a weight bench. Though I did remember to put one downstairs for you. It's in the little cleared area where Natasha broke the tread climber."

"Was that the machine that had you doing stairs?" Steve asked.

"Yup." He stuffed his mouth with a piece of pepper he was slicing. Steve moved to help him.

"We used to just walk up the stairs," Bucky said with a grimace. "No one had elevators."

"Now we do and they're great for most things but I wouldn't walk all the way up here to the eighty-fifth floor," Stark said, giving him a look.

"Good point. I've tried some of those. They're adjustable." Stark nodded, putting some beef bits into a pan. "Is that organic?"

"Yup, because Bruce insists it helps him. Though he's not eating tonight." He looked and added some pork, which Bruce didn't like to eat all that often for some reason. That was fine with them, they needed the meat. Bucky and Steve finished chopping veggies to throw in for a fast stir fry and Stark even put on noodles to round it out. They each took a third and wandered their own ways. Stark had things to tinker with while the two old friends needed to do some more talking. Of course they ran into Darrien in the hallway, he was sneaking off toward the gym. Bucky picked him up under one arm and carried him back, running into Darcy in the hallway.

She took him back with a grin. "He claimed he was giving us space to smooch and talk like adults about giving him a sibling some day. Sorry, guys."

"It's fine," Bucky said with a grin for her. "He's sweet to think of it."

"We've barely started to date. It's not time to talk about siblings yet." She looked at Darrien. "I don't have kids before a wedding, kiddo." She walked him off to talk to him about that.

"We can help you two get married," Darrien said with a grin. "We can even go visit the two slayers in exile in Vegas. They have all sorts of stuff, including an indoor amusement park. They told me it was neat."

"I've been and it is," she agreed with a smirk. "But I'm not going to Vegas this month unless your dad really begs hard." She opened the door and walked him inside. "Your son wants us to run to Vegas."

Xander sat up enough to look at his son. "If we're getting married, it'll be in a woods with a proper priestess. Not in Vegas with the two slayers of Sin City." He laid back down, shaking his head. "Those two would try to hurt Darcy to keep us apart because they don't like us, son."

"Oh. Well that sucks balls," Darrien complained.

"Whole lots of balls of poo," Darcy agreed, cracking him up. "Isn't it near your bedtime?"

"Shoot." He hugged her. "But I guess it's a good mom thing." He hugged his father more carefully and ran to his bedroom.

"Do your teeth," Xander called. He looked at Darcy, who grinned back. "He's very unique."

"That's a great thing though. Cookie cutter kids are on drugs."

"Good point." He heaved himself up with a groan, letting her help him. "Let me go tuck him in then we'll talk."

"I had to tell him siblings came after marriage."

"I figured it would. Not everyone wants to be an unwed mom." He smirked at her. "Of course, if Willow hears, one of us will get knocked up and it's even odds which one of us."

She kissed him on the cheek. "I don't think you'd do it as well as I could and there'd be Science! going on immediately to figure out how she did it."

"Good point." He walked in there to handle stuff while she cleaned up after dinner and made his bed so it'd be comfortable later. She turned around and found a card on the counter, taking it to look at. It had her name on it so she felt it carefully. Xander came out and took it to open, then groaned.

//Don't worry, if there's any siblings coming we'll make sure they're healthy and will last longer than his idiot father will. Though I may just let you both carry at once, that way you only have to go through that dangerous, evil time once.//

"Willow," he said.

She smiled and took the card. "Let me talk to Jane." She kissed him. "Want tucked in?"

He grinned. "We're not there yet," he said with a wink and headed for his bed. "I'll see you tomorrow, Darcy."

"Yup, see you then." She took another kiss that made him moan, and went upstairs to Jane's apartment with Thor. She knocked lightly in case they were asleep. Thor answered the door shirtless and looking like he was heading for a shower. "Just needed to warn Jane about something."

"Some big problem in the lab?" he asked. She held up the card. He took it to read then looked at her. "Some sorcerer?"

"Rosenburg."

"Ah." He nodded. "Should she, I'll find a way to smite her for you, Darcy."

Darcy hugged him. "Thanks, Thor. We'll need to distract Jane and the others before they use him for science."

"We can probably do that." She gave him an evil smirk. "I'll let her know so she's ready to help protect you both if you should bond."

"Darrien *really* wants a sibling."

"Most single children do from what I understand." She laughed but walked off. He closed the door and brought the note to Jane. "She wanted you warned so you would not instantly fall upon him to figure things out."

She read the note then looked at him. "We'd get to smite her, right?"

"Quite," he assured her with a smile. She grinned back. They shook hands on it then he hauled her up to help him shower. She did scrub his back very well for him.

***

Jane handed Stark the card the next morning on her way to coffee. He read it with a grunt. "Darcy wanted us warned so we wouldn't attack him for science."

Stark looked at her. "If she should, we'll make sure he's well hidden and our docs can figure something out about the delivery. You see things online about ass babies." She choked on her coffee. "I'm wondering if she's done that before."

"Don't tempt her," Jane warned. "You might be next."

"Pep would hit the roof then her," he said, sipping more coffee. Bruce came wandering out for breakfast so Tony tossed the card at him. Bruce had to pick it up off the table but scowled. "We're making plans in case she does or she tries and slips and hits one of us." He drank more coffee.

Bruce growled. "I'd pretend to be making grapes on her head," he muttered, heading for the hot water so he could have tea. Jane nicely handed him some toast she had been making so he could get it nicely warm and already done. He grunted at her and walked off nibbling while letting his tea steep.

Darcy came off the elevator and looked at it then at him. "You need protein too, Dr. Banner. You need eggs or something so you're strong enough to do science."

"I'll have brunch when I've fully woken up. Was that a warning or a threat?"

"Xander and I took it as a threat," she said dryly but smiled at him. "That's why I warned Jane so she wouldn't snatch him for science."

"We'd try to protect him," Stark said, looking back at her. "Just so we could watch you stomp on her."

"With the way she wanted it, we'd both be fat and round," Darcy quipped. "Which I guess would spare someone a second trimester moment I've heard about." She shrugged, going in to make real food. "Bruce, I'll put you some scrambled eggs in the fridge."

"No, don't, Darcy. They're not as good cold. I'll make fresh later."

"Okay, if you're sure." He nodded, heading down to his lab. She looked at Stark's coffee then at him. He groaned but let her feed him as well. "Unless you want to be science's bitch instead of the one on top, you've got to eat."

"I will," he promised, digging into the simple breakfast. "I'd hate it if JARVIS climbed on top of me." Jane choked and spluttered. "He might. You never know about science, Jane. You should eat too." She walked off choking on her toast. Stark smirked at her while chewing. "Needed a day off?"

"Nope. Not in the least." She finished food and left the remains in the pans for whoever came in next. Clint stumbled in to grab the coffee pot to drink out of and took the pan of eggs and veggies with him to nibble on while he gulped coffee. "You're welcome." He grunted and nodded, then went back to eating and walking. She made more coffee in a clean pot and another pan of scrambled eggs. Natasha walked in scowling. "Clint?"

"Yes," she complained. Darcy handed her a clean plate and pointed. Natasha smiled, taking her eggs to fix her own way. That with some toast and coffee, and she was set for breakfast at least. She came out to the table. "Banner?"

"Walking off groaning about Rosenburg's threat to knock Harris and Darcy up at the same time," Tony said, then finished his coffee.

"I figured I'd want backup to help protect him and the kids," Darcy said with a smile. "Before someone who does science pounced."

Natasha looked at her then at her eggs. "Is it the food?"

"She sent a card," Darcy said. She found it to hand over.

Natasha stared at it then at her. "If she should, invite me to help you two torture her. I can give you both tips." She stuffed her mouth. "I hear Barnes."

Darcy went back to make more eggs, getting some more for herself. James walked in scowling but she handed him a plate and pointed. He grinned and got himself breakfast and coffee, going to sit and eat. He didn't leave any for Steve, but Steve wouldn't eat it if he knew Darcy had cooked it. Natasha handed the card to him and he stared at it. "Do we think she'd be good enough to only hit her target?" he asked.

"No," Stark said. "Which is why I'd let Pepper help me beat her to death."

"I'd give advice and help," Natasha assured him.

"I just wanted help hiding from Jane," Darcy quipped.

Bucky stared at her. "We'd help protect you and whoever else she got. Which may be Jane herself since you two are together so often."

"That'd really piss off Thor because it might not be his," Darcy said. She bit her lip then let it go and smiled. "I'm wondering if Jane looked up some things in mythology and have asked him about them yet." She walked off. "There's about two more normal cups of coffee left before another pot has to be made." Stark went in to get it and Barnes got the other one. Then they settled in to finish breakfast and make plans for the future torture of a certain witch.

***

Thor was looking at the research for that spell the witch had threatened them with. In *good* hands it was a useful fertility spell to aid someone who desperately wanted a child. In other hands....he just hoped *he* didn't end up pregnant. He'd never hear the end of that. Someone tapped on his window so he went to let them in. "Hogun, my friend. What brings you?" They shared a manly hug then Thor pulled back to look at him. "Problems?"

"Not many. Checking on you for your father mostly." He looked around. "No woman?"

"She's in her lab. Let me send her a message." He sent her a text message and got one back from Darcy. He smiled and answered her. "She'll be up for dinner. Darcy will make sure of it."

"Hmmm." He nodded. "That is nice. I have seen Sif and Fandral."

"I saw them recently."

"They said that, and that you had run into the one that made her giggle like a corsetless girl." He smirked a tiny bit.

"Xander is renovating an old hotel for the slayers so they have space to learn as needed, and don't have to share bathrooms." Hogun shook his head with a sigh. "He and his son live a few floors down and he is seeing Lady Darcy. Darrien is most excited and is hoping for siblings in the near future."

"That's always a good thing," he agreed. "That one deserves to be happy so it makes him less favored of the south winds blowing through his skull."

"He's not that way."

"He won a battle by daring six young dwarves to streak naked in front of their enemy to show how little he scared them."

Thor smiled. "I heard of that one. It was inspired. I heard the enemy nearly walked off pouting as well."

"Aye, he did. Embarrassed too since he couldn't tell one of them was a maiden." Thor burst out laughing, shaking his head. Hogun spotted the card and tipped his head. "Is there some sort of bearing problem that you needed help with?"

"Xander's friend is a witch and she threatened him with it. We're all worried she'll miss and hit others. I cannot imagine what my father would say should it hit me. Or if the spell hits my lady and it's not mine." His phone rang. "Yes?" he answered. He listened. "I'm sorry you had to have a vision, Xander. Yes, I was just.....oh. That would be bad. Yes. Thank you. Your son? Yes, staying there tonight is probably a great idea. Thank you for the warning, Xander." He hung up, looking up. "JARVIS, please alert your master that Xander's vision stated that someone else with magic was going to try to distract us with a biological release that would make us want to procreate like nymphs as he put it since his son was present."

"I shall do so," the AI said. "He's not very pleased but we'll start scanning the building later, Lord Thor. Thank you for that warning and Mr. Stark sends his thanks as well. Is your guest going to be joining you for dinner? If so, I'll tell Miss Lewis so she can make extra food."

"Please," Hogun said, looking around.

"Stark made him," Thor said quietly. "He is his virtual butler."

"That's nice," Hogun agreed. "Very handy for the Man of Iron."

"I've alerted her and she said you're having roast tonight, Lord Thor."

"Thank thee, JARVIS. Let us know when it's time please."

"I shall." He hung up.

Thor smiled at his friend. "It's very nice. He orders things and passes along information faster than I do,."

"It seems handy," he agreed. "What have you been doing?"

"A lot of sparring recently. Though I have helped a few beings make peace treaties. They seem to want me to mediate as the sides will not try to attack me like they would a slayer."

"That is good." He clapped him on the arm. "Show me around?"

"Of course." He led him on a short tour of the building, pausing to talk to Darcy and Jane, who was inside a machine again. You could see one foot but nothing else, and her voice had a strange tone to it. Darcy excused it as she was frustrated with the broken thing. They nodded and went to the gym to play fight for a bit while she checked on her dinner's crockpots. In this group, one roast wouldn't do. Six roasts might not do with Hogun and Thor both there.

***

Steve appeared for dinner without Bucky. He stared in the kitchen. "Is it a team dinner?"

"I hadn't planned on it, just giving you guys something solid to eat tonight," Darcy said with a smile. "There's six pot roasts. I know you could probably eat one all by yourself but Thor's got a friend in." She looked. "Hogun, this is Steve Rogers."

"Heimdall has said about you," he said, shaking his hand.

"I know you're one of the Warriors Three, Thor's talked about you," Steve said with a smile. "Darcy's a really good cook."

"That's wonderful. Warriors need much food to fight on," Hogun said. He smiled at Darcy. "If only some of our lasses up there had that skill."

"I'm more than my magical cooking fingers, Hogun." She smirked at him. "Or didn't Thor tell you how we met?"

He burst out laughing, nodding some. "Yes, he did, Lightening Sister." He gave her a hug. She smiled and handed him a plate, letting Steve come in to slice the roasts properly. "Do you join us tonight?"

"My boyfriend is eating with his slayers and his son so probably," she agreed. Thor walked out carrying Jane over his shoulder. She put down two more plates. "There you go, Thor. JARVIS, can you please tell your creator and Bruce that dinner's ready?" she asked.

"Dr. Banner stated he's not hungry and sir is busy," he sighed.

She grabbed two plates and carried them down there once they were filled. She walked into Bruce's lab first. "For later, when you are hungry. Because you can't do science when your body's eating your brain for lack of nutrients." She put the plate down beside him. "It's good. I made it. I promise it's good." She walked off, taking the other plate to Tony's lab. "Hey!" she called as she walked in, loud enough to be heard over the music. Tony jumped. She smirked and put the plate down then pointed. "If you don't eat, I'm going to tell Pepper. She said if you're going to be that bad to yourself she'll take your bank accounts to Harry Winston and the rest of Rodeo Drive because clearly she'll be inheriting it anyway." She gave him a pointed look then made him a pot of coffee in his personal machine with a smile before walking off.

"Not the mommy," Stark called.

"I told you if you moved me in here I'd be forced into fussing this way," she shot back. "JARVIS, if he hasn't eaten in an hour, tell Pepper please."

"I shall, Miss Lewis."

"You will not," Tony ordered. "I can't build new things if I'm bankrupt. Not that I think Pepper will anyway." He ate a bite of meat and hummed, taking a second before calling her. "Did you tell Lewis you were going to bankrupt me because it was coming to you anyway?"

She smiled and nodded. "Yes I did. You're not taking good care of yourself, Tony, and I'll miss you driving me nuts. I'll memorialize you by taking a few young women who need a good start shopping for business clothes and tasteful jewelry." He shuddered. "You won't be around to see it but I'm sure they'll bless your name. It'll be like Dress For Success only in Beverly Hills so they project the right high powered image." He grunted, eating another bite of meat. "How long has it been since you ate?"

"I had breakfast."

"JARVIS?" she asked.

"Sir did have toast and coffee for breakfast before the revelation that Miss Rosenburg wanted to knock up Mr. Harris magically, and she might miss to hit sir or others."

She snorted. "I'd so kill her then take you baby shopping," she said with a smile.

He stared at her. "I'd let you beat her for me but I'm not going out if she does slip and do it to me, Pep. You'd hate the fallout in the press. You'd have to wear a fake belly and claim the kid was yours, I just helped you gain weight. You'd have to find someone else to wear the suit, all that. We couldn't even have all those meetings you seem to have because if news got out we'd be the center of a storm of complaining women and people who wanted to touch the baby."

She smirked at him. "We can handle that if you want to ask her to do that."

"NO!"

"That's fine. When you're ready, Tony." She smiled. "Eat the rest too, before you fall over and drown in your oil and drool puddle." She hung up.

He pouted but ate anyway. He paused at one bite, staring at it. "That's not potatoes. What is that, JARVIS?"

"Parsnips and potatoes mashed together, sir," the AI said patiently. "With butter and half-and-half mixed in for smoothness. The pepper is in the drawer to your left. As is the salt." He got out takeout packets of each to season that and ate it. He really would have to find a way for Darcy to get out of her fussing kick. Now he understood why having her here to fuss all the time might be a bad idea for all of them. Especially when he went upstairs and found brownies on the counter and everyone staring at them. "Lewis make 'em?" he asked.

"They just appeared," Steve said. "No note or anything."

Bruce came up with a test kit to test them. "No drugs," he announced. "Just butterscotch and chocolate chip brownies." Everyone shook their head. Clint was texting Xander, who sent back an answer. "Any idea?" Bruce said dryly.

"She sent them as a 'if you'd like I'll help you with that plan' offering," Clint said. He looked up. "So apparently if we want kids, she'll help us all have some."

"Isn't that a wife's job?" Hogun asked, taking a brownie to nibble on. He nodded. "Bit sweet but nice enough." He walked back to the couch he and Thor were sharing.

"She's a witch," Jane told him. "She offered to knock Xander up if he'd want. Promised that he and Darcy could both be pregnant at the same time."

"Threatened is more like it," Stark said. He ate one and nodded, walking off. "Not bad. Very sweet but not bad." He went back to his lab, where things made sense. He heard later that Xander had said that butterscotch was Willow's go-to for apology cookies. He had everyone in the tower take a pregnancy test. Just in case.

***

Darrien went to talk to the slayers the next morning. He had 'borrowed' Darcy's phone to log into Skype, staring at the two women who answered the phone. "The Evil Queen wannabe is freaking people out again."

"It's good to see you again too, Darrien," Faith said with a grin.

"She threatened to give me a sibling by knocking up Daddy and Darcy both," Darrien said. "At the same time." Faith winced. "She freaked out the others in the tower so much they had to do the peepee test to make sure she didn't get them because she sent butterscotch and chocolate brownies."

Faith shuddered. "Okay, we'll talk to the reanimated one." Darrien grinned at her. "He okay?"

"Daddy should be fine. The mean nurse made him let her do the stitches for him by hauling him downstairs by his arm. Darcy threatened them with Auntie Jane," he said with an evil smirk. "She took the sword from me but that's okay. She'll learn how to use one soon."

Faith just nodded. "That's cool, kiddo. We worry about your dad not taking care of his injuries." She looked behind her. "Giles, Red threatened to knock Xander and Darcy up at the same time."

"Oh, Lord God," he muttered, waving at the computer as he walked behind her. "I'll talk to her, Xander."

"I'm not Daddy, Uncle Rupert. He's still freaked out." He stared at him when he backtracked. "Daddy taught me how to Skype."

"It's a good teaching, kid," Faith assured him. The other slayer that was only half awake nodded that she agreed while drinking coffee. "We'll talk to the witches. You be a good boy."

"I try so hard," he said with a smile. "But I don't have new schoolbooks yet."

Darcy walked in and looked down at him. "You stole my phone?"

"I had to tell Auntie Faith about what the mean, evil one threatened. Before she actually does it to Daddy. She will because she thinks he's her puppy or something."

She kissed him on the head. "We'll help you protect your dad, but you can't steal my phone. You have to *ask* to *borrow* the phone." She stared at him. "What would your dad punish you with for sneaking it out of my purse?"

"Grounded," he pouted.

She smiled. "That sounds like a good idea after you tell him what you did. Really."

"Yes, Darcy," he sighed. He turned the phone around. "I know you've met Auntie Faith and Uncle Rupert. That's Slayer Sasha. She's kinda mean sometimes but she's fun like that. She tickled me once until I peed on her." The slayer was smirking at the camera. "I think she deserved it for tickling me that hard. Daddy laughed a lot too."

"I'm sure he did. Hi, Sasha, nice to meet you." She looked at the kid again. "C'mon, you're going to help me do paperwork once you're done."

He turned the phone around, giving them the big eyed good boy look. "I have chores apparently."

"It'll teach you stuff since you need new schoolbooks, kiddo," she said with a grin. Darrien groaned. "You need to learn a lot of stuff to grow up and do anything other than serve burgers and fries."

"I guess. But it's summer."

She snorted. "Lots of kids your age have things like paper routes all year long so they can earn an allowance." He stared at her, eyes wide. She smirked. "We'll see if we can let you learn how to be a lab flunky for a while." He hugged her and hung up after waving at them. "Get dressed. Including shoes." He ran in to do that and came out wearing real clothes and shoes, letting her take her phone back as they walked off together.

"We're going to teach you how to use word processing and report programs. Then you can go deliver stuff. If you do really good, you'll earn five bucks." He nodded, grinning at her. They settled in the lab for her to teach him how to use the software she used. He'd need to learn how to use it anyway. When they were done, she gave him limited 'go deliver this' chores. The other scientists got confused but a few gave him a hug for being so good to help. Tony looked confused but Darcy followed him in. "I'm teaching him about office stuff and he's doing delivery chores today for allowance." She smirked at Tony over the kid's head.

"It's a good thing to learn. Makes you responsible." He handed Darcy his empty plate. "You left that."

"I'll refill it after washing it." She walked off with Darrien, taking him up to make lunch for her scientists. Jane came up during it scowling. She handed her something. "Lunch, Jane?"

"This is where you are," she sighed. She took the plate to nibble on. She stared at Darrien. "I heard you were helping."

"He's earning an allowance for today's delivering stuff," Darcy said. "Plus learning stuff about science and office stuff."

"That's great," Jane agreed. "He needs to be smart to help the slayers when he's older." She looked at Darcy. "We were going to be running out to take readings later."

"His dad's just taking a nap," Darcy assured her with a grin. She slipped Darrien the promised five bucks, all in ones, and he ran off with it and lunch for him and his dad. Darcy smiled at Jane. "He did very good delivering. He even learned stuff from Bruce and Jemma this morning."

"That's great. No schoolbooks?"

"No. Not yet. It's summer, Jane."

"Ah. Well, a part-time job is a great thing."

"He helped me tape something for you earlier too. It was the extra hand I needed."

Jane smiled. "You'll make a fantastic stepmom." She finished her lunch and helped Darcy carry plates down to the lab. "Food," she called into one of the labs.

Leo came out to grab the plates. "We're dealing with lasers. Don't want you two burned." He ran back in to go back to work, locking the door after himself.

Jane and Darcy delivered lunch to the two Science Bros, who were arguing about something. Bruce absently picked up one of his sections of sandwich and nibbled then looked at it. He put it back on the plate and picked up from the other one. "That one's yours. It has mustard." He ate a bite and they went back to arguing. They hadn't even noticed the two women.

Xander called Darcy. "What did you bribe my kid for?" he asked, sounding amused.

"He earned it by helping me with some stuff and delivering for me," she quipped. "It's not much but he learned some stuff too."

"I'll have to remember that since he liked doing it. That's a sneaky thing, Darcy."

"I'm a sneaky lady when I need to be," she quipped back.

"Hmm. That's always a good, interesting thing. Thanks for amusing him earlier." He hung up with the sound of kid laughter.

She put her phone into her pocket, smiling at Jane. Who was smirking back. "I can be sneaky."

"You can be. Did you teach him how to use the software?" She nodded. "Even better." They went up onto the roof with two of the smaller machines to take readings.

***

Skye was back from the mission with Coulson, and was wandering around looking bored. Darcy ran into her in the hallway when going to check on her SHIELD people. "What's up?" Skye asked, looking interested.

"Just doing lab rounds to make sure no one needs anything," Darcy said. She stared at her. "You look upset or something. What's wrong?"

"I'm bored. There's nothing for me to do here. The AI won't even let me do more than check my email."

"Yeah, he said something about humans not letting hack doctors into their bodies," Darcy agreed. "You can make a space for yourself, Skye. I did when I when I showed up with Jane. I only used to fuss over her and help her with her science stuff. Then I noticed Bruce didn't eat for two days so I got him to eat. Then JARVIS asked nicely for me to include Tony in the same lunch since he needed to eat by order of Pepper. You can make yourself a place. As for the computer stuff, I doubt JARVIS is going to change his mind about that. He said he hates being poked."

"I wouldn't touch him and he's an AI."

"Yes, he is. He's a very intelligent AI," Darcy said with a grin for the naive young thing. "He's a lot smarter than half the professors I used to study under. He's smarter than half the people in the building. Tony did a great job with his learning systems so he could grow and become so smart." Skye grimaced, glancing down. "There's not much for you to do here in the labs, and I doubt you did on the plane. There's plenty of other things that need to be done. Maria Hill is working on the SHIELD rebuilding stuff from the Malibu office. Or Coulson might need some super assistant stuff done, which is probably some of what you did before. Looking up people's skills and incidents?" she guessed when Skye scowled.

"Yeah, I guess I did. I was going to be an agent."

"No one's stopping you from being an agent, except that there's no agency anymore. Go ask someone to help you train to be an agent."

"Ward was.... Then he turned out to be HYDRA."

"Yeah, that does suck. We had a few people here that I was casually friendly with that ended up being HYDRA too. Including one that Pepper had to throw out a window. Which I saw way too much of because I was looking out the window to see what was attacking us since we had went into lock down mode. I saw the guy fall. He used to flirt with me all the time." She shifted her weight. "Go ask Natasha to help you train to be an agent so when Coulson's ready so are you. That'll take a lot of time. If she can't, Clint might be able to. They were both high level agents and would know the various specialities you should focus on so you're doing more than just being a number in a snazzy uniform." She smiled. "You could also take some online classes, beef up your skills and knowledge base so you're more useful later on. It's a lot harder to run an agency with fifteen people than it is with five thousand. You end up doing a lot more than you probably should."

"I...yeah, I might. Do you know where Agent Barton is? He seems nicer and Agent Romanoff gives me this creepy, cold stare whenever I try to talk to her."

"Yeah, I got that too," Darcy said with a smile. "And I gave about two cents worth of fuck about it. Then I made her brownies with brandy sauce for the birthday Clint let slip she was having." She grinned. "You just have to try to get to know them. Be respectful because Natasha can kill you, but you could ask her about what you should train toward. Though she may grump. It's a bad week for her right now."

"Agent Barton is currently making himself lunch," JARVIS said quietly.

"Thank you, J man," Darcy quipped. "One less I have to nag today."

"I believe you should go help Dr. Banner, Miss Lewis."

"Ooooh, let me go see what happened." She turned and hurried off.

Skye watched her go then rolled her shoulders back and headed up to the kitchen. She nodded politely at Agent Romanoff before going into the kitchen. "Agent Barton, can I have a minute?" she asked quietly.

He looked at her. "Speak. I'm not a God, Skye. You don't have to ask for an audience." He turned to face her, taking a bite of his sandwich.

"Grant, Agent Ward, was working on my training so I could become an agent under Coulson. I realize I'm not the best material but I can definitely help out. I just don't know how. He doesn't need my hacking skills and Grant had me working on self defense stuff. He had gotten me to the point where I could shoot or use a knife if I had to."

"That's about a tenth of what you need to become a probationary agent," he said then ate another bite. She winced, looking down. "We can work on that with you, but we're not nice about it, Skye. I go easy on Darcy. She won't have to do more than handle a lab assault. Agents have to go out and be able to take down a huge problem. By themselves if they must."

"Melinda told me about why they call her the Cavalry."

Clint nodded. "Been there, done that, many times," he assured her then smiled. "Are you sure you want to be able to do that? There are computer and tech support positions. I heard Coulson nearly shot the whole computer services group last week." He ate another bite.

"I don't know. I'm good at it. I was working with the Rising Tide to find out about my past since the only thing I knew was that SHIELD had dropped me at the orphanage." Clint stared at her. She shrugged. "That's how Coulson caught me. That whole Centipede thing in LA was starting and I was reporting so people would know. That way it couldn't be hidden."

"It's a hard truth but a lot of times humans don't want to know," he told her. "They like the fairy tale that everything's nice and pretty. That it was an easy arrest and no one got any broken bones. That we do a lot more paperwork than field work." He shrugged and finished his sandwich. "Being an agent means you uphold the fairy tale for the normals and you live your life as best you can behind that mask. Some agents even make marriages to people who have no idea work for decades before they're busted. Which usually ends in divorce. Or if they fell during a mission and someone has to tell them." He sipped his coffee while staring at her. "Is that what you really want?"

"I owe Coulson."

"That's the wrong answer."

"I know, but I think I want to be an agent. I can help. I can help fix things and stop Centipede. Maybe I'll be a better agent than I am a hacker. Darcy Lewis suggested I take some online college classes."

Clint nodded. "Done that a few times. It's often something to take your mind off healing time. The sixteen weeks I spent with a partially torn ACL I did three different classes, all languages."

"I hadn't thought about that."

"It comes in handy in many ways," he said. "In many fields. Including doing things like Pepper does. Which is a lot safer."

"I've been in the field by myself with just someone in my ear."

"Good." He smiled as Natasha came in, getting out of her way. "Nat, do you have any advice for her?"

She stared at the young woman. "What you want is neither safe nor sane. Are you prepared to die in a manner that is horrifying for most people before you turn thirty-five?" Skye shuddered. "Are you prepared to look at a body full of scars each day? To use your body as both a weapon and a commodity? Women are often put into those sort of operations." She stared at her. "Are you prepared to kill because you must if you want to come home in one living piece? You do know that it's likely you'll be tortured at least once in your career?" She looked her over. "Are you prepared to be treated as more of an object than a person? To not have any say in any of your missions and to obey orders about what your target is and who it is?"

"I... I've had to stop someone that was selling something really harmful."

Natasha nodded. "That mission was barely a five percent risk profile. Most probationary agents are blessed if they get ones that have twenty percent." Skye nodded she understood that. "Even if you know Coulson very well, most agents are seen as objects to be deployed, both weapons and information gathering units. They may tell you how to accomplish that, as they did during that one mission, or they may expect you to problem solve within limitations." She looked at Clint then at her. "We have heard Melinda say that she didn't think you'd make a good agent. Mostly because you are soft. You grew up in a manner that many agents did."

"A lot of them aren't from large, loving families," Clint agreed.

"But you did not grow up hard. A fist fight was considered a bad thing, not a necessity of survival."

"I've read the files on your training," she said. Natasha tipped her head slightly, smiling a tiny bit. "Do US agents have to be that hard?"

"That depends on your agency and your skills," Natasha said simply.

"It'd probably be healthier if you chose to become a tech support agent. You'd get field time for recon missions and for watching missions but not serious field missions where you're more likely to come back shot," Clint said.

"I can see that. I don't want to let anyone down."

"You're not," Clint assured her. "Most hackers aren't built to be field agents." He smirked. "Nat's one of the few that is and that's because they taught her to hack after making her the warrior she is."

Skye considered that then nodded. "What would I need to know to do that?"

"A lot more than you do," Clint sighed. "You'd still need a lot of hand-to-hand qualifications. You probably need more extensive computer skills, which would be a good thing to learn even if you're great. Everyone hacks slightly differently." She nodded she knew that. "You need weapons proficiencies just in case." He finished his coffee. "We can see where you presently stand."

"We can't be sure that Ward did not screw up your minimal training so you weren't a threat," Natasha said.

Skye swallowed. "I worried about that too."

"Good. We'll go to the gym," Clint said. "Go change into something you can get sweaty in." She nodded, walking off to do that. He looked at Natasha. "Yes, no?" he asked quietly.

She shrugged. "I'll wait to see after we test her present skills." She walked off to ready the gym. Steve was in there talking to Sam Wilson, who was back up to work with him and Bucky. "Boys, Skye wanted us to evaluate her as a potential tech support agent."

Sam looked at her. "We can stay out of the way, Natasha." She smirked a tiny bit. "Watching you kick ass is a pleasure."

"Thank you." Clint walked in and Skye walked in a few minutes later pulling her hair up into a ponytail. Natasha stared at it. "That is a bad hair choice. It's a handle for someone to grab during a battle." She adjusted it so it was more bunned up. "Better but not all that suitable. French braids are more practical. You can't get a grip on them." Skye nodded, moving to stretch. She looked at Clint. "You start off."

"I can do that. I know you can kick my ass, Nat." He moved onto the mats and nodded her to come out. He moved and she followed what he was doing. She had the basics of alertness. He casually swung at her and she blocked it then moved in to try to hit him. He avoided it easily. This was looking bad. Ward hadn't gotten very far in her training at all.

Melinda May walked in and over to Natasha. "Ward did not have a lot of time to work with her. Maybe six months and he was cramming all he could into her. Including using Battleship."

Natasha nodded. "For a tech support person that should be good enough." She watched the sparring. "Clint, are you that sore?" she called.

"She's not ready for me to move faster," he said. Skye huffed but tried to hit him again. So he caught her arm and flipped her over, making her moan. He grinned. "You're at the level where kids incoming to Basic training in the military are. You can be taught but it's going to take a while and you're going to be very bruised."

She sat up, staring at him. "I can do that. I got into fights in the foster homes."

"Good. Get up and let's work on some of your present faults so you can move on to learn new things." She heaved herself up so he could reteach her things. Natasha came out to help. Melinda went to the gym equipment to do some weight lifting.

Thor leaned in. "Darcy has said she put extra ice packs in the freezer for her just now," he said. "They're in the bar's freezer section as the groceries just got delivered." He walked off.

"That's always a good idea," Clint agreed with a grin for the trainee. "We can teach you how to properly cushion and strap them in place too." She nodded, moving in to try that one hit again. And again she ended up on her butt on the mat. She got up and they tried it again.

***
Part 6 by Voracity2
Darcy brought up the mail, looking through Jane's things first. She walked into their lab. "Jane, you got a letter from Culver and one from a college in Texas." She took them. "Also a postcard from your mom." She handed it over with a smile. "I didn't read that one." She laid down one. "I did look at the personal one because that didn't register as something good. Turns out Ian was his middle name. He's inquiring about a paid internship."

She grimaced. "I don't know. I'll consider it and talk to him later." Darcy laid down to the two more spam mail, getting a grin. "I needed a catalog?"

"You signed up for it, boss lady. Let me deliver the rest of the mail." She walked out and headed upstairs. "Jemma, Leo?" she called from the doorway. They peered around the corner protecting their welding station. "Mail." She laid them on the front work station. "One letter for Leo from a female and a parts supply catalog." They smiled, Leo coming over to look at it. "If that's a threat, let me know. I scan Jane's mail for threats and I keep a list. You'd be surprised how often you get repeat idiots."

"It's my sister."

"Ah, then probably not a threat," she said with a grin. "That's great. Let me know if you need stuff. I'm doing material supply orders tomorrow." They nodded. She grinned as she left.

Leo smiled at her. "She's a lot like Miss Havels but nicer and doesn't smell like mothballs."

"The old dear that managed the Academy did have that peculiar aroma around her at all times," Jemma said. "Darcy's much more fashionable and pretty." Leo grinned. "Your sister good?"

"I may be an uncle sometime soon," he said, reading over the letter. "She wanted to make sure I was still all right so she sent it to my backup address."

"That's wonderful." They got back to work.

Darcy walked into Tony's lab, waving the two envelopes. "Two big things, Stark, and one that may be a threat. Well, probably is a threat. He's written to Jane to complain that science is messing up his world view and that Thor's an allegory she's spreading lies about."

He grimaced. "Put it there. I'll scan it for explosives later."

"Want me to look?" she asked. "I do Jane's. I keep a list."

"Nah, I'm a big boy and it'll only make me laugh."

"Okay." She put them down. "I'm doing lab material orders tomorrow." She gave him a look. "Even though you don't use test tubes let me know. I'm delivering Bruce's." She walked off, going up the hall to Bruce's lab. He had a problem earlier that had him partially changing. Hopefully by now he was calmer. She walked in and smiled at him. "Need tea?"

"I'm good, Darcy, thanks."

"You have mail."

"Why do I have mail?"

"Well, you have three that may be threats," she said, putting them in one pile. "Two have written Jane to protest her being a woman in science and that science is destroying their world view. The other one isn't a name I recognize but it's in that same sort of style of handwritten letter. Oh, and you got one from Betty." She smiled, putting it in front of him. "Always save the best for last." She winked.

He laughed. "That is good. What's the other thing?"

"Two catalogs. It's catalog day." She put them down. "Parts. Which I'm ordering tomorrow for my people. And international decorating stuff." She pointed. "That painting looks a bit awkward to me but the blue one on the back is beautiful."

He flipped it over to look, nodding. "That is beautiful woven art." He smiled. "Thanks."

"Welcome. I keep a list of threats to Jane so let me know if I need to add them. I open hers so she doesn't have to deal with stupid."

"There's days I wish we could innoculate against the virus of stupid."

She smiled. "I thought that's why we had mandatory education. Though some people clearly fail at sucking it in to make antibodies against stupid."

He laughed, nodding. "Yeah, it is." She smiled and left. He put Betty's letter aside for now, looking at the catalogs. Then the first two threats. They were laughably pouty and clearly written by people who thought dinosaurs were ridden by cavemen. The third one made him growl and he had to fight for control.

Then suddenly Darcy was there and taking the letter to put down while walking him off to the atrium garden. It was one of his favorite spots to meditate. She put a mug of tea she had been carrying in front of him and moved behind him to work on his shoulders. He frowned and batted at her hands. "Suck it up, Bruce. You need to calm down and I'm really great at this. Just drink the tea, let me work on the knots. We'll talk when you're less green than broccoli."

He huffed but sipped his tea and did his meditation exercises. "Darcy, I can't concentrate."

"Sorry." She let him go. "Need anything?"

He looked up at her. "Take that letter to Tony."

"I can do that. Want someone to sit with you?" He shook his head. "I can get Bucky."

"No, I'm good enough. It's just been a long day."

"Okay." She left him there, hanging a note on the door that she had prepared a few weeks back for his lab so no one interrupted him. She hurried up to his lab and found the letter, moving Betty's into a better seen spot. She carried the three threats off to Tony's lab. "Bossman," she called over the music. "JARVIS, cut the music, this is serious bullshit," she said. The music cut off and it made Tony flinch but turn to stare at her. "Bruce just went the color of brussel sprouts."

"What happened? Is he okay?" She shoved him back into his chair. "Is he down?"

"He's meditating. He's going toward cabbage green at the moment. He has tea. He's in the atrium." Tony nodded, calming himself. "Three threats came today. I warned him two were ones that had spammed Jane with their world view. The other one I thought might be. Same single blue pen handwriting on the envelope. Simple stamp, no sealing mark. Looks like a personal letter but the names they wrote is too formal to be friendly if you get that." He nodded once. She put down the two first ones. "The two minors." He read them, grimacing. She put down the other one. Tony growled. "Yeah, that's why he turned into a Veggie Tale character."

Tony sighed, looking at her. "They're not the first."

"Jane gets two or three a month. She got one today from that one," she said with a point at one letter. "She's like Amnesty, she writes to complain each month that science is getting into her world view."

"Charming." She smiled. He reread that third letter. "We haven't heard from this one?"

"No. I'm betting if anyone did, it's Steve. With her 'unnatural freak of science and not nature' rant it's not something Jane would get."

"I don't remember anything by her but I have someone who sorts my mail for threats," Tony said. He looked her up. "Where's your boyfriend? She's with the Devon Coven."

"The new building." She called him. "It's me. One of the Devon Coven sent a threat to Bruce." She listened, nodding at what he said. "Yeah, her, not the other one. Great. Can you when you get back? Thanks, Xander." She hung up. "She's one of the senior council of the coven." Tony grimaced. "He'll pop in to growl at it when he gets back with the kid."

"That's fine. Get me Jane's list?" Darcy walked off to get it off the computer. Tony called the security team to get them to start sorting Bruce's mail and to look at his threat file. She was in there. They were doing Steve and Bucky's too and she had written to Steve too. Darcy came back with a thin stack of papers. "That's all?"

"One-thousand-two-hundred-forty-seven records. Name, address, single line describing their beef." She put it down. "I warned Jane in case someone comes up to her on the street." Security guards came up to give Darcy the stacks from the others. She laid them out to compare them. It didn't have what they whined about but there were a lot of similar names. She looked at him. "Want me to talk to others?"

"No, I will. Get Bruce calmed down."

She smiled. "I'll bring him Betty's letter. He could use some happy news."

"It may not be," he warned.

"If Pepper wrote you after marrying Happy, wouldn't you be pleased?"

"Yeah, I would," he agreed. "Go, shoo, go protect Jane, Jemma, and Leo."

"He only got a letter from his sister." She walked off to grab that letter, taking it down to Bruce. He was mostly human colored. "Here, Bruce. That way maybe you get happy news?" He stared up at her, taking the letter. "Tony compared it to the threat file I keep for Jane and the one Security keeps for him. She's on there, and on Steve's." He groaned. "Tony's handling it and all the other nastygrams we get around here." She hugged him around the head. "Need anything?"

"No, I'm good. Thanks, Darcy," he said quietly.

She stared at him. "Remember, I can listen as well as nag. I'm that talented." He smiled and nodded. "Come talk to Jane when you're ready. It'll take your mind off the virus of stupid." She walked off.

He put the letter beside him and went back to his meditation. When he was back in full control, he pulled the letter up to read it. It wasn't *great* news but he still loved Betty and her being happy was a great thing. It was a balm he needed for his bad nerves. He decided to go up to make himself something different for dinner. He needed something to shock his system out of the bad day he was having. Thankfully there was hidden ice cream. Natasha wouldn't mind...much if he stole it.

***

Steve walked into Tony's lab. "Bruce said we got threatening letters? About HYDRA?"

"People who hate science," Tony said, letting him see the list of the threatening letters he had gotten. "Pepper had yours scanned for threats when you moved in. Today Bruce got one that was so bad he went green." Steve winced. "You've gotten ones from her too." He pointed at the pile. "Security teams keep them in case they have to look back at them."

Steve read the sealed letters, grimacing at them. "She sounds bitter and cruel."

"Yeah, she does," Tony agreed. "I've only gotten one from her." He handed over Bruce's. Steve groaned. "Exactly. I warned Pepper. She's not happy either."

"Wonderful. Anything against Bucky?"

"Only two so far and they're both former SHIELD agents," Tony said with a point at that small pile. "Jane gets a lot of 'how dare you disprove biblical history' letters instead of 'you need to die for being the tool of Satan' ones that I get."

Steve looked at him. "You're not."

"I know that. They can't tell that from a hole in the ground," Tony quipped back with a tiny smirk. "Pepper's thinking on how to make them slow down or stop all together since they're not bad enough for the FBI to step in."

Steve nodded, reading over Bucky's hate mail. "Bitter people."

"Very bitter people." Tony stared at him. "Did you apologize?"

"I'm working on it. I'm trying not to upset her."

"Good. You can do better but it's a good first step," Tony said, staring him down. "We'll meet tomorrow with the security team over that, and Hill will be here." He nodded, taking his off to show Bucky so they could talk. "Don't take them out of the bag. They're evidence."

"I won't."

Tony got back to his searching these people out. There were a lot of evil, bitter people in this world.

***

Xander looked at the list Darcy had printed out, marking a few. "Sorcerers or witches that I know about and this one has a bad guy sorcerer as a father," he said, circling that name. Tony grunted in displeasure. Xander looked at him. "I doubt this is a simple magic vs science thing with them."

"Most of those have been 'how dare you disprove my belief system with your evil science' ones," Darcy said. "That one name has been brutally nasty at Jane more than once over other things. She's another that thinks Thor took the name to get an instant rep and recognition. Though she only refers to him as a mutant, not a freak."

Xander shook his head slowly. "Unless there's another one by that name, I doubt she would be doing that. She's got visions and she's evil but slutty."

"An ex?" Tony quipped.

"No. I've never been that desperate. I'd rather fuck Willow than that harridan." He looked her up through the Council's files, letting them see it. "She has a younger sister but she's always been the society princess sort and daddy's favorite. The older one had to prove she could use the craft. The younger one has no interest in magic or anything like that."

"Okay," Tony said, rereading it and handing it to Pepper, who had just gotten in for the meeting in the morning. "Can we find out if this was her or someone else with the same name?"

"That last name's really specifically spelled," Pepper said. "JARVIS, please do a search for anyone else with that name?"

"She had an aunt who had it but she died three years ago," the AI said. "The letters are originating near her house but not in the handwriting we have samples available of. She has some handwritten notes on her webpage that's her thesis work in progress."

"Is it her sister?" Xander asked.

"No, it does not match her at all. She's been in Uganda recently, supposedly on a good will tour by force thanks to her father."

Xander looked confused. "He grounded her by making her do good work? And why would he care? He hates anyone who's not him."

"I do not know," the AI said.

"Where is she really?" Tony asked. "Still in Uganda?"

"There's been no recent reports," the AI said.

Xander looked it up, shaking his head. "On mine either and a few of them would watch her because they owe her father favors." He tapped his fingers a few times. "Where is her father or sister?"

"He's in Virginia giving a speech about despots to politicians. It seems ironic since most consider him to be one in the making."

"Dawn's near there," he said, sending her a message. She sent back a 'I can do that'. He nodded. "She'll go check him to see if someone's mangling him somehow." He leaned back in his seat, looking at the others. "The coven members are probably trying to keep down science before it harms their magic or people from going completely over. I know a few protested that their grandchildren had to have science classes in school." He looked at Tony. "They're also the hippie grandma sort except for the Eastern Region Priestess. She's the Victorian, backbone of steel, still wears Victorian gowns because she wants to be that uptight sort."

Pepper shuddered. "Corsets."

"Like six layers of clothes," Xander said. "I had to help her when she got sick suddenly by carrying her upstairs to her room. I managed to escape before her lady's maid helped her undress but I heard her ask how many of the six layers she wanted out of and she said to take her down to her bloomer and shift."

Pepper moaned, shaking her head. "I'm so glad we don't have that any longer."

"Amen," Darcy quipped. "I'd die in that many clothes. And I'd hate it for the slayers."

"There were slayers during Victorian times," Xander said dryly, smiling at her. "They were miserable."

"I would be too. I'd lead women's lib to get away from that."

Xander grinned. "You'd have help." She smiled back.

"Less flirting," Tony quipped but he was staring at the lists and letters. "Why go after Rogers?"

"He's definitely not a product of magic and his very transformation is the stuff of myth making," Darcy said.

Xander nodded. "One of the smaller private colleges in England teaches him as part of the modern mythology class, comparing him to the ancient heros and gods. One of the girls took it and gushed that I got to meet some of them."

"Why do you call them girls?" Pepper asked.

"Because they're not ladies, I tried women and it offended most of them, and bitches makes them scowl even though a good half of them are," he said, staring at her. "Girls is the most genteel thing I could call them, or Giles could call them, and they decided it made them sound more innocent. The only ones who hate it are the two who are southern belles and they're 'ladies' but not capitalized and not really that ladylike with how they behave.

"I broke a compulsion that Willow forced on me back in high school when I told her how badly she was acting to tell one of those two they were being cunts, Pepper. Not just to the other girls, but to everyone because they decided they were beneath them or their care. I told them that after I kicked their butts in sparring too. They cried a bit and I reminded them if they wanted be 'ladies' they had to start acting like them because they were a disappointment to *every* woman on the planet at that time. One of them straightened up. The other got huffy and went to sulk to ice cream then got worse."

"Wow," Darcy said.

"You haven't met her," Xander said with a slight smile. "She's in London's house and Maribella is just that bad. Buffy had to look up at her version of heaven and apologize to her mother before she called her a cunt. Willow said that Joyce would've approved of her going that far since Willow was going to change her into one so she'd realize finally. She did actually spend six days as a walking female genital area, including her mouth and head being inside her vagina area, after her talk with Buffy."

"Did she stop it?" Darcy asked.

"No. Maribella *never* learns anything. She got mad we made her learn demon classification to be able to protect herself. We don't let her really go on patrol because the other slayers won't work with her. She showed up in London pouting that she was being kept from her duty, even though she didn't want to do it, and even Kennedy has had enough of her. Two weeks ago Kennedy tried to sell her to some militant groups in the middle east as a future wife. We had to stop Kennedy but the officers that told us ordered us to let her go."

"Damn," Bruce said. "That's bad."

Xander looked at him and nodded. "Oh, yes. The Inspector who came to tell us about the attempted people selling offered to buy her a plane ticket so she could go anyway after talking to her. Maribella tried to attack Kennedy, who is not the strongest fighter ever, and fell down crying after ten minutes and one punch from Kennedy." He shook his head. "She has a time limit of about ten minutes of pleasantries and tact. After that, she's just a bitch of epic proportions. She also considers Cosmo as morally educating as the Bible and the Torah. One of her aunts is a convert to Judaism so she taught her about the Torah."

"Can you keep her away from Jane before Jane kills her?" Darcy asked, smiling at him.

"I nearly had a demon contact kidnap her to Nigeria," he said dryly. "The demon contact heard. He asked them if they'd like the pretty young slayer, not mentioning her personality or anything. They declined because they heard more about her from other contacts. Which was how the Inspector heard she was a problem and went looking." He smiled back. "The only thing she has going for her is she's not racist. She's anti-immigrant because she thinks everyone should stay in their home country so she can visit them there instead of them coming over her to visit her country, but she has no problem with interracial kids like Darrien or anyone else. She actually turned on a cousin that was Klan and sent him crying from the family wedding and into the ER for a suicide attempt."

"Didn't her family say anything?" Pepper asked. "My mother would've beaten me."

"Her mother thinks she's Scarlet O'Hara. She swooned into a fainting fit at her daughter's blunt words said quietly, calmly, and with a gentle womanly smile to her cousin about his failings as a human being. She claims she took over her grandmother's blunt, honest one role when the old grande dame died when Maribella was six. She doesn't see a problem with it. She actually pouts that all the other slayers hate her when she's being moody but won't listen to *why*." He smirked at Stark then at Pepper. "One of the younger slayers suggested she go do diplomatic things whenever we had to get a slayer out of trouble with a government. She thought it might change things in places like Iran."

Pepper slowly shook her head. "No, probably not and she'd probably die."

"I'm not sure if that was the reason or if she thought Maribella could 'convince' them they were bad to women."

Stark shook his head suddenly. "That's a really bad thought."

Xander nodded. "We agreed it was a bad idea."

Bruce shook his head with a sigh. "Now I know why you don't like to be around them that often."

"Yup," Xander agreed with a grin and a nod, looking at him. "That and some of them are seriously warping for the son. Some spoil, some hate on him, some are just weird about kids. We have some seriously kid hating slayers. They pet Darrien like he's a dog. A few even taught his tiny self to play fetch."

Darcy grinned. "That had to be cute."

"It was, but then he bit them for patting him on the head," he said with a grin back. "She pouted for *days* that he was mean to her." She laughed. "Want me to call someone about the witches?"

"Yup," Darcy said. "That way we know." She looked at Stark and Pepper, who both nodded.

Xander sent an email. Giles got sent up by some of the other witches. He held up the information. "Sending death threats to scientists."

Giles read them, grimacing. "That is not a good thing. His daughter's doing one?"

"We're thinking there's an issue since he's not usually like that and neither is that one daughter," Xander said. "I asked Dawn to check him. He's at some political symposium trying to tell them to quit breeding."

Giles shook his head. "I'm sure she'll adore that." He pulled out a free chair and sat down, rereading over the list of witches. "Most of the Devon Coven's are all older ladies."

"Who hate science why?" Xander asked.

"It does go against their magic."

"I feel the same way about magic," Stark said dryly. "I'd never send threatening letters."

"No, I dare say they need some medicine to ease their hormone problems," he said. "They are all in the middle of menopause."

"If the slayers having PMS isn't a good reason to commit genocide on the idiot men who beat their women, menopause is not the reason for threatening letters," Xander said dryly.

"No, it's not." He looked at them. "I shall speak to them, Mr. Stark. Also, I have talked to Willow. She will not try to make Xander pregnant for at least a few years. She wants Miss Lewis to enjoy her conjugal visiting as she put it and babies interfere with that."

Darcy shook her head. "Try not at all?"

"I have been," Giles said with a smile for her, patting her on the hand. "Sometimes Willow gets a wild idea up a nether region."

"I'm wondering if we can put her in Loki's cell on Asgard," Stark said.

"You'd probably start a war by asking them to deal with her," Xander quipped. "I'm not sure which is worse, Willow with a wild hair up her butt or Loki."

"He tried to take over the world," Pepper said.

Xander smirked and reached over to pat her on the hand. "I'm just really glad no normal people remember the night she turned everyone on the planet into puppies and kittens, and a few unicorn babies because she *really* wanted cute things to cheer her up after a fight with Kennedy on Tara's death anniversary."

She gaped then stared at Giles, who cleared his throat and took off his glasses to clean on his shirt but nodded. "Oh, shit," she said, then shook her head.

Tony patted her on the arm. "I'm glad I don't remember that. When was that?"

"Six days before I came to save Darcy," Xander said. "But she said the next time something huge like Loki happens, ask her to see if she can help with it."

"That's a match for pay-per-view," Darcy said. "Willow vs Loki?" She looked at the others. "Does anyone remember that night? JARVIS?"

"I didn't want to mention such events as they were oddly warping my core processors," the AI said. "Though I believe both Agent Romanoff, who was a unicorn foal, and Agent Barton, who was a dog, remember somewhat. Shall I ask?" He paused. "Agent Barton has said that if we get a Willow vs Loki event, he'd greatly enjoy shooting the one that survives and wins."

"We might need her to help with other huge problems," Xander said. "She can handle a whole rogue coven of teenage witches on her own." Darrien ran in and under the table to hide under Darcy's chair. Xander leaned down to look over there. "Huge demon or one of the slayers?"

"Crystal brought up your mail and she's *smirking*, Dad."

"Let me go see what that is," he sighed, going down to his apartment. He walked in and took the mail, looking at it. "Why are you smirking about death threats?" he asked her. She gaped. He swatted her with the mail. "Beyond the fact that you scare my kid each and every time you do that....." he said, letting it trail off. "Smirking about death threats is always a bad idea."

"I had no idea. I thought it was an ex writing you."

"I get some of those but Darcy enjoys helping Darrien complain these days."

"Oh. You're dating a girl?"

"No, I'm dating a woman, who has manners and class and still can be mouthy and snarky. Darrien's even demanded siblings."

She grimaced. "Shoot."

"Not like I'd date a slayer. I know you girls *way* too well. But thanks for the mail delivery. Have a happy witch trip back." She pointed toward the bedroom. "What are you doing, Willow?" he called. That figured she had come too.

"Putting up the new stuff the slayers bought for Darrien." She came out folding a shirt.

"That's way too small. He's out of the toddler sized clothes."

"I have them shrank to fit in the drawer." Xander stared at her. She undid it to show him on that shirt. "See?"

"Unless that's over a size eight, it's still probably too small. He's mid growth spurt. But thanks."

"I can have them exchange them for something bigger," she said with a grin. "It's nearly his birthday."

"Next month." She took the clothes and the slayer back with her to get the clothes in the right sizes. He went in to take pictures of things that were barely fitting him and sent them to her so she could tell. Then he took his mail downstairs. "She's gone, son. Death threat that she thought was an ex." He settled into his seat, nodding at Coulson since he was now there. He opened that one and grunted, handing it to Coulson. "I believe he's yours."

"I believe he is," he agreed with a sigh at the end. "Charming of him." He looked at the rest of the mail. "The package?"

Xander looked at it. "An ex who just died. They put his estate's address on it." He opened one end to look inside, taking out the letter on top of the pretty box. "Ah! He was wanting to be introduced to Darcy before he died last week." He grinned at her. "He had a thyroid tumor." He read it over and pulled out the box to glance inside then hand to her. "He left you something from his former wife. He didn't have anyone to wear it and I definitely won't so he thought you'd enjoy that." He let her have the letter too. Darrien crawled up to sit in Darcy's lap, cooing at what was in the box.

"Wow," Darcy said. "That's...." She stared at him. "Why me?"

"That one stalked him for a few years," Coulson said.

"He didn't stalk me. We dated on and off for a few years. He went into hiding when they found the tumor was too bad to treat. His people probably showed him pictures of you being pretty and like I said, it was you or it'd sit in my safe for years." She closed the box, staring at him. He shrugged. "He didn't have kids to pass anything on to. His former partner took most of it but he'd look really horrible in that."

"Uh-huh. Where would I wear that?"

"My birthday," Darrien said with a smile. "We can go out to dinner. It can be a date." He cuddled her. "You need to look pretty and I'll go play while you two do daddy and stepmommy talking stuff."

She cuddled him. "I didn't know your birthday was coming up and sure, we can go out to dinner, but it doesn't have to be a date. I enjoy having dinner with you."

Darrien pouted at her. "The slayers say that dates are important."

"They are," she agreed.

"So you should have dates with us."

"I should," she agreed. "But for your birthday we should do stuff for you."

"We can go to Chucky Cheese," he said with an evil grin. "That way we all have fun." He looked at his father. "No breaking the whack-a-mole this time, Dad."

"Not my fault vampires attacked the last one we went to and were hiding inside it," Xander quipped back. "Though I agree with the mini-me there. You'd look fantastic in it when we go on dates."

She blushed but nodded. "I'm sure I will. We can talk about when to do your birthday stuff later. After this meeting." He nodded and settled in to cuddle her. She put the box and letter into her bag. Xander smiled and got into his other mail, handing Coulson two and Stark one.

Stark looked at the note that was slid in front of him. "Why is my competitor writing you from jail?"

"No idea," Xander said.

"Was he one of the ones you were getting weapons from?" Tony asked dryly.

"No. He doesn't do weapons. He nicely fixed one of the girls' mp3 players before a date while I was nagging Willow about something but no." He tipped his head to the side. "I asked him about how to fix a few things once, just the electrical panels that were broken, not the weapon itself. He's the only one I knew who might know how to fix that broken piece of crap."

"Hammer tech?" Tony joked.

"Yeah, it was. I won it at poker. It came in slightly useful a few months later during a thing but it wasn't really strong enough or useful enough so I had to use two backups with it. I wrote a *charming* review that Hammer threw fits about."

"I think I remember hearing about that fit," Pepper said with a smile for him. "You do some incredibly insane things, Xander."

"Sometimes," he agreed, cracking Darrien up. "Then again, it's me or the girls so I'd rather it be me."

Coulson shook his head. "We'd rather it be agents and the military instead of either of you."

"Yeah, I saw that one," Xander shot back, shooting a dirty look at him. "His whole 'why aren't there *men* doing it instead of young women thing wasn't all that impressive and when he turned to yell at me for letting them do that stuff, I pulled up a battle and let him see me there, doing it for the girls. Then I pointed out he wasn't anywhere near there. If he was that concerned, he should jump the hell in. We'd give him the training if he needed it. We had *plenty* of places that could use normal hunting guy backup. He ran away whining about his reality bubble being burst."

"I remember that most unpleasant chap," Giles said. "The girls had nice popcorn watching you take him down and then yelled at you for being in that battle."

Xander nodded. "Like usual."

"They need to quit yelling at my daddy before I talk him into taking a regular job that pays better," Darrien said then yawned. "One where he's never injured and never sore from beating things." He put his head on Darcy's shoulder. "My future siblings should have a safe house to live in."

She cuddled him. "We make the whole world as safe as we can, little guy. Even if sometimes battles happen. They do everywhere, even to normal people. We just handle them so they go away faster." He nodded, snuggling her. Xander held out his hands. "I've got it," she assured him. Xander grinned and nodded. Darrien mumbled something so she leaned down. "What?" he mumbled it again. "Sure, we'll make sure the monsters upstairs don't get you. Especially not the redheaded one that's not an evil queen. I know redheads scare you, baby." He nodded and shifted to get more comfortable.

Pepper smiled at her. "Awww. I'm glad I'm not that sort of scary redhead."

"Me too. You with magic would probably freak me out, Pep," Stark quipped. She swatted him.

Darcy gave Tony a look. "For a guy who's been reminded he was going to take someone out to dinner for three days now, you're awfully fond of her swatting you, bossman."

He looked at his phone then at her. "It is a dinner out night. We done, people?" They nodded so he took Pepper off.

Darcy looked up. "Thanks, J."

"Welcome, Miss Lewis." She grinned at the others, cracking Xander up.

Coulson looked at her. "I could use a good administrative assistant, Miss Lewis."

"You still have my iPod, Agent Coulson. I'm not gonna work for people like that."

"Beyond that, I'd probably fall apart if she did go," Jane said. "I'm sure we'd like me to finish my work before I die, right?" Coulson nodded. "Then no poaching or make the pouty one do it."

"Skye has taken my suggestion and went to see what she still needs to work on to be an agent," Darcy said.

Coulson smiled at her. "Thank you. I know she's had a few bored days." He looked at the kid. "We can probably do the rest without you and Xander if you two wanted to go have dinner."

"I think I was going to make dinner," she shot back.

"I thought I was making dinner," Xander said.

"No, we're having American food tonight because the kid wanted to pretend to be a normal kid." She grinned a tiny bit. "He's still pouting that one of the kids on the playground told him he was weird."

"I get that. I could do a bit more to help him fit in around here instead of with the slayers." He shrugged. "I can still make dinner."

"I'm not tired."

"He's not going to let you get away from him until he's finished his nap, Darcy. He's just like that. So you can sit and be cuddled while I make him regular guy food, then us stuff with vegetables."

She nodded. "I can do that." She stood up and grabbed her bag, carrying the big kid off to nap on Xander's couch.

Xander grinned. "Let me know if you need us, Giles." He strolled after her.

"They're a good couple," Giles decided, looking at Coulson. "Would you like me to call those old dears to a meeting so you can remind them that threatening the people saving the world is a bit stupid?"

"Please. I'd like to talk to them about the threats and why they think it's appropriate," Coulson said. Giles nodded, calling one to tell her that.

***

Dawn slipped into the meeting room, noticing that the guy speaking had noted her. So did two others, one not a bodyguard. She did the quiet spell for mage sight, looking at him. He had magic. Huh. The one up on the podium was scowling back toward her but his aura was foul. More than it should be. That one bodyguard didn't have magic but he was tense and uptight. She put her ID around her neck, making him grimace since he could see the seal on the upper left side.

When the speaker finished, she slipped out after him. "Dr. Moravs."

"Who are you to do magic around me, young lady?" he sneered.

"Dawn Summers. Someone from the Council sent me because your daughter's been doing irregular things for her. Also, did you know you have compulsions on you?"

"I do not," he sneered.

"All I did was a mage sight spell. Find a mirror and do one. Then we can chat about your older daughter actually caring about science and Avengers of all things."

"My daughter?" She held up her phone, which had a photo of the letter. He grimaced. "That isn't like her."

"Exactly, which is what worried us. Now, let's go find a mirror so you can test yourself please?"

"I don't think I need to."

She shot a spell at him to light up his aura. He had been expecting an attack but it wasn't one so it didn't bother his shields. She walked closer and pointed at where he was staring. "You have two on your right shoulder and I can see a dark spot on your back, Dr. Moravs. Shouldn't we go find a mirror so you can figure out who did this to you?"

"Who are you really?" he demanded, staring down at her.

She smiled. "I'm Buffy's little sister. Thankfully I'm going to do something more sane than dealing with her life with her. Bathroom or there's a huge mirror in the lobby if you don't want privacy."

He stomped off. She casually followed him to the men's room. "I don't need help."

"I'm only here to do this," she said, putting up a reflection behind him. "And to ask you why you grounded your younger daughter to Uganda doing good work. Xander thought that was really weird too."

He paused, staring at her. "Xander sent you?"

"Yup. He's in New York and dating a very nice young woman while working on the Council's new training center."

"Oh. That's charming I suppose."

"Darcy is, yes." He frowned. She pulled up a picture. "That's Darcy. She's an assistant to one of the scientists."

"Oh, her. I know of the one behind her."

She looked. "Barnes? Or Thor?"

He blinked a few times. "That's Thor?"

She pointed. "That's Thor."

"Oh. Hmm." He frowned at the rest of the people in the picture. "No, the one behind her to the right once came near my brother to take him out. Thankfully my brother died of his mistress instead," he said with a grimace. He went back to his aura. "This is most pernicious. I can't tell who's magic this is."

Dawn touched a fingertip to one. "This is my magic. Does it remind you of hers? It does feel female to me. Not old like some of the Coven but younger than Willow."

He frowned, doing the same test. "My youngest," he sighed.

She stepped back. "The one supposedly in Uganda?" He nodded once. "Okay, do you need my help to clear it and are you going to check your other daughter?"

"Definitely," he growled. "How dare she belittle those who make sure her world keeps going."

"She was a bit shifty," Dawn agreed, smiling when he glared at her. "Is it possible that she's possessed?"

"Not that I'm aware of. I saw her yesterday. I shall check, Miss Summers, and make sure my youngest has a clue about what she has done before I make her take up the craft to practice it properly."

"Sometimes, girls just want to be popular and cute so things like magic take them by surprise. It could be unintentional, based on emotional wants. We see that with younger teens that are breaking out."

"Is that why you have necromancy in your aura?"

She nodded. "My mother died. It was grief but I canceled it before then."

He tipped his head. "That's something many want to do. I can do so myself and make sure she is sorry for this."

"Thank you. I'll report that to Xander. Let him know if you need help or books for the younger one. He's got a teaching set." She bowed slightly and left.

He scowled and huffed, going back to the mirrors. This was going to get his younger daughter sold to a higher demon for six months to make sure she learned not to do such things.

***

Faith looked at Xander over their meeting/lunch to talk about who was being put where in the new building. A few of the girls needed to be split up for their own sanity, and since some helped each other prank, everyone else's too. "So, you and D still together?" she asked, eating a chip.

He nodded. "We're making good progress." He smiled. "Let me guess, you're going to remind me of my job and how hard it is?" She nodded. "Don't you think that's a bit unfair?"

"As opposed to her watching you come home damaged from another battle? We have one coming up in three weeks, X, and it's supposed to be bad."

"And I'm pretty sure she's seen the ones who live in the tower do the same thing."

"Hadn't thought of that," Faith admitted. She looked at her plate, picking out another chip to nibble on, then looked up at him while she ate it. "You're sure you're that serious?"

"Yeah. I think we are. We're not rushing into anything. We're barely at the handjob stage, Faith. Why are you so worried?"

"She seems...nice. Way too nice, Xander." She leaned her arms on the table. "Can she live this life? I know her boss does with that big one, Thor, but can she handle doing the same thing?"

He shrugged. "I think that's up to her."

"True, but have you two talked about that? Or if we have to send you to handle something huge with some of the attack team?"

Xander shook his head. "She knows I'm the problem solver and I might get sent on missions, Faith. We haven't talked about it but I'm sure she would if she wanted to."

"See, that's what we're worried about. Not just me by the way. Dawn's worried too. She thinks Darcy's aces but she's worried she's happy and we do live in the dark too often."

"She's seen that and she's not the happy hippie kid that Marriette is."

"That's good. Because it's slowly destroying her happy nature."

"I told her to quit and retire."

"So did I," she said. "So did B and all the rest of us. She thinks it's the duty."

"Send her up to help me. We can be New York's team if we have to." Faith smiled and fired her finger at him. "She's a good sitter for the little sneaky one too." He made a motion behind her.

She looked back. "Nice attempt but you gotta sneak in a way that no one sees you, kiddo." She pulled Darrien into her lap. "You're the best not-a-slayer kid most of us know."

Darrien smiled at her. "I'm the best kid any of you know even among the slayers' kids," he assured her. "They're mostly whiny brats."

"They're younger and you did plenty of it at Missy's age," Xander said dryly, staring at his son.

"Hilary's *way* older than me and she's one too, Dad. You can't tell me I'm not a better kid than her."

"Good point, you are a lot easier on everyone than the tweenage diva with delusions of dance skills."

Faith snickered into Darrien's hair. "She's back in dance classes. Her mom said if she's going to dance it's going to be the real stuff, not in some music vid behind some guy who can only look at breasts but not spell them."

Xander nodded. "There's street style. She could learn that."

"She is, and jazz this time." She cuddled the baby. "What do you think about Darcy?"

He looked up at her. "I knew she'd be a great stepmom back when I met her. Don't you dare talk her out of it or I'll have to turn into a bad kid instantly."

She gave him a squeeze. "I'd never do that, Darrien. We're only worried that she'll get real upset at the fighting stuff."

"She works with superheros like Thor," he said, staring at her. "Not like she hasn't seen other guys going out to fight. Mr. Clint's a normal guy like Dad and so is Mr. Stark, even though he's really smart too."

"Point," she agreed, smiling at him. "We just want you and your dad to be happy, sprout."

"Yeah, most of you do but the evil queen and her bitch consort don't. Or the blonde evil queen. I heard them talking during the last video conference talking about how Xander was dirtying Darcy by showing her the life we live." He glanced at his father then at her. "Thank you for yelling at them."

"They have a tiny point that a lot of people can't handle being around the slaying lifestyle, kiddo. It's hard watching someone go out every night and maybe not come back. You've had nightmares about that. We all really like Darcy but we don't want her to turn into Norma's girlfriend."

"I've met her. I think she was like that before they met," he said. "I'd help keep Darcy from being that worn out. I'm good at that. We can help each other."

"You can," Xander agreed, taking him to cuddle. "That's really up to Darcy to decide."

"Point," Faith said with a nod and a slight smile. "She's a great lady. We'd love to make her Andrew's co-head of the house. He'd love to flirt with her too by the way."

"They've met and he blushed until she talked to him like a normal guy. She's used to geeks."

"Great. Figures since she likes you and you're one," Faith shot back with a smile. "None of us will push her, X, but we worry."

"I know. I worry about your boyfriends for the same reason. Has Kennedy quit drinking since she's back?"

"Nope," Faith said dryly, shaking her head as she ate another chip. "Not a bit. Giles pulled her out of the field and threatened her with rehab. She and Willow are on *vacation* to get right."

"Didn't she come back with restrictions?"

"Yeah but we don't know what they are."

"Great," he mouthed, cuddling his son since he was burrowing into his shoulder. "Didn't you eat yet?"

"Nope. You forgot to call me."

"I did not. I called and paged you."

"Oh, well....I was reading?" he guessed with a shy grin.

"Good! We like you being smarter than I am. Read more often and we'll see why you're taking so many naps soon too."

"Doctor?" he sighed.

"Yup. Sure will be." He smiled. "You need travel shots anyway."

"Crap," he said in his native language. Xander swatted him on the back of the head. "Sorry. Bad word," he told Faith.

"I say plenty on my own but I'm too old to get swatted."

"I need to do that."

"You need to spend more time as a kid," Xander ordered. "Before you've grown up and missed it all." Darrien smirked and stole his father's sandwich. Xander put him in front of his own plate and took the rest of his sandwich back. Darrien dug into his plate full of lunch, yawning halfway through. When he fell asleep, Xander took him to rest in a safe spot then came back to talk to Faith. She was one of the few at the house that had sense.

***

Faith followed Xander back to the tower that night, going to snatch Darcy from Darrien's greedy grip. She grinned at the curvy brunette. "Dinner?"

"I'm not really into girls, Faith," she joked with a grin.

"That's fine. I had a one time thing with X. Even with him being a newbie it was too damn good to give up for long." Darcy burst out laughing. "Seriously."

"I'll find that out sometime soon." She looked at Jane, who absently waved a hand. Darcy set a timer and then grabbed her jacket and beanie cap to follow Faith outside so they could have a casual dinner. Once they were in the dinner and had ordered, Darcy looked at her. "Do you want Xander back?"

"Nah. I was all bad girl then. I might go back." She stared at her. "A few of the girls were worried, so we're chatting without Darrien being all future warrior stud."

Darcy nodded. "I've heard from Xander."

"Today?"

"No, but he told me he had to tell the two head twits to stop being so gloomy about me being a normal."

Faith nodded. "There's a lot of that but mostly it's worry that you'll get hurt. Not by a thing coming for X but by having to watch the battles."

"I watched them before because the team is my friend, Faith."

"Yeah, but it's different when it's your snuggly one out there getting into a sword fight with something huge and hungry," she said, leaning on the table. "Frankly, I haven't seen X this happy in years. Probably since I met him. You're good for him and I'm hoping like hell you'll become the Council's happily ever after fairytale, ya know." Darcy smiled and nodded. "But we've got that stupid practical streak that Xander keeps poking at to make it show up so we don't wear thongs to battles under our booty skirts and heels. We're mostly kinda worried that you're going to decide it's too hard to watch him go out there."

"Then again, I work at Stark and we've had attacks on the tower. I was helping end the problem in London when the dark elves showed up with Thor. I was in New Mexico when Loki showed up to beat his brother to death." She sipped her water. Faith grinned at her. "I understand why there's worry. I'm not as normal as everyone thinks though. The same as Xander isn't."

"True. I'm one of those that knows he's not normal. Normal guys don't put up with the two evil queens as the kiddo calls them." The waitress came over with their plates so they got out of the way and Faith inhaled and smiled. "Better than I could do any day." The waitress smiled as she walked off. Faith dug in with a hum of pleasure. "That's better. We had deli for lunch with the kid."

"I'm really coming to love the little scamp," Darcy said. She twirled some of her egg noodles onto her plate then scooped up some of the stew that was over it. "Darrien's so sweet. Even if I couldn't make it with Xander I'd still be his favorite aunt." She ate a bite.

Faith nodded. "That's good. We'd like him to be the normal guy we thought his dad was." Darcy shook her head while she chewed. "No, I don't figure he can either but he can find a happier outcome than being our hunter." She ate another bite, staring at her plate then at her. "The only one who's still being pushy about stuff is B, Darcy. She's seen how badly the dating can go when it's a non-hunter with one of us. She's seen it in the ER when she went to hold one girl's hand because her boyfriend had a huge fit and ended up slamming her into the wall to get into her face about the duty. She's seen it when her own boyfriends freaked out and ran. I'm pretty sure she'd never want X to be hurt and that's why she's worried."

"And I get that. Though I'm not the total newbie here. Like I said, I've been right beside a few battles myself, even if I didn't need a weapon and can't use a sword."

"You might have to some day."

"Xander said he'd help me learn if I wanted to."

Faith grinned. "Great. We like that you're protective. The puppy could use a protective bitch above him, especially one that wanted him to learn how to have manners and be a good boy."

"Darrien's mostly a good boy." She smirked. "Now and then he helps me nag the science teams to eat."

"That's cool. Boy could be a great fussy one." She smiled. "A lot of us wish we could find someone as grounded and centered as you are, and as supportive. All I get are people who want to hunt with me. They're more about my duty than my body."

Darcy nodded. "I used to get a lot of guys that only liked my boobs."

Faith snorted but smiled and nodded. "So do I. I swear I'm one of the only girls with curves at the Council. Only two others need a bra and the rest are all skinny, delicate looking things."

"There's a strength to that but there's also a strength in accepting your body and saying 'it's the way I am and I look damn good, look at the drool'."

"I do admire how deep the drool gets sometimes," Faith agreed with a smile. They dug into their dinners and talked casually about Xander and Darrien. The little guy was the favorite 'man' around the Council for a good reason. Faith told her about how Darrien used to sigh and go cuddle the crying slayers until they quit then walk off wiping off the drippy spots to get a cookie for being so good to the girls. Darcy grinned about it and said it was sweet of him.

***

Xander looked up when Darcy let herself into his apartment. "Did you see the kid? He got that 'crying girl' look on his face and went to find someone who was upset. It's the second one this week."

"I haven't. I just got back from dinner with Faith."

"Hmm. Okay, we need to go keep him from bothering people."

"JARVIS, where's Darrien?" she asked the tower's AI.

"He's in the labs. Dr. Simmons is having a bit of a stress let out. He's helping her."

"Thank you," Xander said. Darcy nodded and took him up to grab the kid. He walked in and hugged Simmons too, making her hiccup. "A bigger good boy can only help more. Do I need to go beat someone mean?"

"No," she said, wiping her cheeks off. "He's quite the young man. He sighed a bit but just cuddled in and offered to get me tea." She hugged Darrien. "You're a very good boy and some day you'll make an excellent boyfriend."

"I learned by helping the slayers when they get all sobby over romance movies and bad boys who are idiots," Darrien said with a grin. He patted her on the hand. "I don't mind being the teddy bear some people need to cuddle. Sometimes girls cry and I understand that because the slayers are all girls."

"You're excellent at it," Dr. Simmons assured him with a smile. She kissed him on the head and handed him to Xander. "Thank you for letting him comfort me."

"You're welcome. Come borrow him again if you need to," he said with a grin. "Or if I need to beat up the mean scientists who can't see how brilliant you are." She smiled. Darcy helped her up and took her to her suite to clean up and cheer up, including ordering her some of her favorite gelatto to sulk to. She met up with Xander back at his apartment and cuddled Darrien too. He grinned at his dad as he snuggled in and ended up napping on her shoulder while they watched tv.

Xander carefully took his son back to put into bed, then came out to snuggle up to his girlfriend. His son got more snuggling time than he did and that just wasn't right.

***

Faith walked back into the Council's house, staring at the two judgmental ones there to greet her. "I met with Darcy. She's an okay lady and I really appreciate that girl. If I liked boobs, I'd take her from Xander in a heartbeat."

"She doesn't understand what he does," Willow complained.

"Yeah," Faith said sarcastically. "Because she doesn't work with a *whole* team of heros who go out to do stuff in mech armor or with a huge hammer that makes you fly." Willow grimaced. "She's seen plenty of battles. She helped in the thing in London. She was in New Mexico when Loki went there." Buffy nodded at that, looking appreciative. "I asked and she said Jane had been 'relocated' for the battle in New York by SHIELD being buttholes again. Any woman that can taze Thor because he just fell out of the sky in front of her and got mouthy? I snap at that girl."

Buffy sighed. "But she won't get all weepy and stuff about it if he has to go?"

"No. She's seen a lot of that from the guys up there. She nags them to eat. She helped when Darrien got used as a comfort toy by one of the geeks. X told me he just sighed and let the lady cuddle him while she stress cried."

Buffy smiled. "He's very good at it. And braiding hair. We taught him well."

"What happens if a demon shows up in front of them to attack Xander?" Willow demanded.

"She's got some minor weapons training and said if she thought it was necessary she'd find a way to get more, even asking X if they could love on his axe together. X told me they spent a happy weekend sharpening and shining swords and his special axe. They're also taking it real slowly. X said they've only gotten to hand jobs so he wouldn't scare her off. She's even met a few of his wacky ex's and just complained they were creepy and nasty."

"Wow," Buffy said, smiling. "I think I could stand her."

Willow sighed but nodded. "She sounds really good for him and Darrien." She walked off pouting.

The two slayers shared a look and a shrug. "Aren't they supposed to be on vacation?" Faith asked more quietly.

"Yeah, Kennedy's back off the wagon so Willow came home." She rolled her eyes.

"Great," Faith mouthed, heading back toward the kitchen. Andrew handed her a drink so she blew a kiss. "You'd like Darcy. She likes to cook and fusses over her boss for pay. Plus she once tazed Thor." She walked off sipping.

Andrew nodded. "Sounds like a woman I could respect." He got back to dinner preparations. Willow sighed and went to write Xander an email. Maybe he'd see sense if she pointed out all the wrong that'd be him seeing someone outside the hunting who was even more normal than he was. What she got back was a 'don't talk to me ever again, you bitch'. It made her huff and she went to complain to Buffy, and Giles since she was in his office talking about that night's patrol. Giles told her to butt out too, making her mad but Buffy knocked her out and let her nap off her foul mood.

***

Xander looked at his phone then called Darcy on it. "Willow just tried to *convince* me that us dating is a super bad thing because you're even more normal than I am and you'd *never* understand me, plus it'd make Darrien uncomfortable to have two white parents. I kindly swore back. So watch out for redheads, please?" He grinned at what she quipped back. "Hey, if they'd like to talk to her, go for it. They might even impart sense. Though I'm doubting anyone could. Thanks, Darcy. Have fun doing lunch stuff for Jane. I've got to find the kid and feed him." He hung up and went to find Darrien, who was watching the construction guys and helping with measuring as a math homework project. "Hey, little man. Watch out for the evil red queen to show up. She thinks you'll hate having Darcy as a stepmom."

His son looked at him like he was evil. "She said what?" he demanded.

"Some days I wonder if you're really six," he said, staring down at him.

Darrien put his hands on his hips and took his fathers phone to read. "Oh fuck no!" he said in his mother's language, walking off calling someone. "Dawnie, it's Darrien. It's an SOS thingy. Willow's trying to make Daddy give up Darcy and be alone forever because that'll suit her better. Yup, exactly, and I'd really like to beat her to death with her ugly shoes but Dad would get mad if I did that. We need a plan," he said with a smirk. "Exactly."

"I already warned Darcy and let Dawn do homework," Xander called, trailing after him. "And give me back my phone please."

"Shut up, Dad. You tried to be nice. Now it's time to unleash the power of girls." He smirked. "Dawn agreed with me."

"I'm sure she did." He took his phone back. "We're trying to handle it, Dawn. Yes, that's still my email," he sighed. She got into it to read it and let out a shriek of displeasure. "Don't yell that way," he whined. "The locals will get worried you're being attacked." She went off on a rant and he had to pull the phone away from his ear. "Please don't magic us." He hung up and winced. "You made her mad," Xander told his son, but he was grinning.

"She's not mad at us. She's mad at the evil redheaded queen. I might even hide behind the supposedly not evil redheaded queen one or even the evil blonde queen to get away from that one." He hugged his father, getting a cuddle back. "Can we have ice cream for lunch, Dad? Since your friend tried to make you break up with my future stepmom?"

"Ice cream is a dessert," he sighed, walking him off. The construction guys were all smiling at their backs. They were adorable that way. "We only have thirty minutes for lunch, son."

"We can eat from the hotdog cart on the way to ice cream," he said with a smile. "It'll be cheap and easy."

Xander looked down at him. "Yeah, we can, and hotdog carts are a New York staple." He sighed. "It probably makes me a bad father but I could use it too. Before I fly back to Cleveland and have that same Goddess of Justice look at her again." Darrien patted him on the arm and ran ahead to get their jackets so they could go to lunch together.

***

Buffy looked up, having a sudden bad feeling. She looked around the house. "Ladies, let's go do something outside the house. I have the feeling something hugely bad's going to happen that means we'll need weapons and insurance forms." They all gathered up jackets to go with her. Buffy paused in the library. "People, I'm having bad feelings that mean we should probably evacuate the house," she called. The watchers all stared at her. "I don't think it's demonic but I'm thinking we'll need insurance forms. Why don't you take a day off too?" She hurried off. That bad feeling was getting bigger. Even Andrew came out with the girls. The watchers all disappeared to do something outside the house themselves. Even Giles.

When they got back two hours later, once the bad feelings stopped, they found the house had some smoke damage. Kennedy was hanging by her foot from the chandelier in the entryway, unconscious and drooling on the floor. There was no sign of Willow but the living room was still full of smoke that smelled like spell residue. The rest of the house was all right but the living room was a mess. It looked like there had been a nasty little battle in there.

A tiny demon cleared his throat, smiling up at the staring slayers. "The witches bade me to tell you that the evil queen wannabe is no longer bothering anyone or scaring them." He handed Buffy a letter. "This is their notice of taking Willow home with them. They did not appreciate Kennedy's particular problems at this time as Kennedy took a swing at one of them for no reason. They said they'd bring Willow back once she was cured."

"The Devon coven attacked Willow?" Faith asked.

"No, not them. The Amherst coven is very strong in the light and less cranky than the witches with menopause. They showed up to deal with the rogue witch Rosenburg." He smiled at her. "She'll be fine with them. They do have sense and are capable of retraining her to be a better woman as well." He walked out of the house.

"The Amherst coven is quiet but effective," Andrew said from the hallway. "They're the ones that sent the extra magic at that battle last year, Buffy."

She nodded, reading the note. "They're going to detox and fix Willow's broken mind, ladies. Someone get Kennedy down without killing her." She handed the letter to Giles as she walked past him. "It was nice we did get the bad feelings so we weren't in the way."

One of the old liners cleared his throat. "What precipitated this event?"

"Willow was nagging Xander about dating someone nice who could handle helping him help us," one of the younger slayers said with a grin. "Darcy's supposed to be *real* nice and Darrien loves her already. She even fussed over his last injuries and the slayers that went up to start the work off on our new training center." She bounded off. "Buffy and Faith met her."

"We did," Buffy agreed, smiling at Faith.

"If I liked girls, I'd so steal Darcy from him. She's not evil, bad girl, or anything else. She's also into political science type stuff so maybe she can help some if she ever quits working for Jane."

Buffy nodded. "We could use someone who knew how to deal with social media stuff. I keep saying the wrong thing on twitter."

"No, that's the PETA people, Buffy," one of the older girls said. "They hate you for being a slayer. You know how the 'kitten of the seas are the new fish' people are."

"Good point." She grinned at him. "We *all* like Darcy. Even Kennedy liked Darcy. The only one that didn't was Willow. She tried to get them to break up."

"She nagged Xander before we all got that feeling," Faith said dryly. She smiled at Buffy. "Heard from your sister when I was hiding from the cooing at the shoes."

"They were cute," Buffy said with a smile.

"They're trashy and you're not a stripper, B." Buffy rolled her eyes. "Darrien called in D for help against Red's BS against Darcy. Apparently she's trying to *compel* things." Buffy shuddered. "So he called his favorite auntie, who had a 'hell no' fit, and apparently set off the other coven." She grinned. "Darrien even told her if he had to, he'd hide behind you to get away from Willow."

"We need to check for memory spells probably," Buffy sighed. "Maybe Giles can." She walked off. "Darrien's even asked for siblings to fuss over."

Faith nodded. "She's super nice and a bit naughty but not bad. She's even met a few of X's exs and just shrugged them off as weird but useful."

The old line watcher shook his head. "It's good he found someone worthy of his insanity and warping." He walked off to tell the others. They all wished that young lady luck surviving Xander's weird things. She was clearly stronger than they were.

***

Darrien ran into the gym area he had once tried to climb in. "Mr. Barton!" he called, looking around. He spotted his hiding spot and started to climb up, getting Clint's attention. "Daddy said I had to come find someone reasonable because he's off hunting some of his ex's who took my future stepmom to make sure she could live up to their standards for Daddy. He's *real* upset too."

"Okay, we can help him with that," he promised. "Who took her?"

Darrien shrugged. "I don't know. Dara, the local slayer, called Daddy to tell him that one of his ex's had kinda walked Darcy off from getting coffee. We're not sure why or how." He blinked. "You guys have to go help Daddy. Daddy's going to lose his temper big time and destroy stuff. We don't want Daddy to become the bad guy."

"No, I'm sure he won't become a bad guy," Clint promised. "C'mon, we'll go see if we can find him so we can help." He climbed down. Darrien looked then tried. Clint carried him down, grinning at him. "You'll get the hang of climbing down soon."

"I hope so. Some day I want girls to not giggle at me. The slayers all giggle at me when I climb and can't get back down."

"You're six. That's an older kid skill." He carried him up to the living room area, finding Natasha scowling at her phone. "Someone who Xander used to date stole Darcy." He put the kid down and he ran over to babble at her.

She blinked. "Do you know Dara's number so we can ask which one?" He nodded, taking her phone to dial it for her. "You're good with that."

"Darcy taught me." He looked up at her. "Can you help Daddy not turn into the bad guy?"

"Yes we can," Clint said, going to get redressed into his uniform. Natasha walked off talking to the young slayer so she could do the same thing, plus grab more weapons. The slayer knew who one of them had been but not who anyone else was.

Bucky came off the elevator scowling. "Sorry, kid, didn't see you. Where's everyone else?"

"Going to help Daddy not be a bad guy when he destroys his ex's who took my future stepmom to make sure she lives up to their standards. The not-evil Red Queen is talking to Dara."

"That's a good thing." He went to Natasha's room. She opened it before he could knock. "Need help?"

"Yes. I'm taking Barton as well."

"That's fine." He followed her out to the elevator. "We'll go rescue Darcy, Darrien. Just sit down and be a good boy for a little while."

"Of course I will. I was even good when someone stole Daddy for a weekend. Though I did call and the one who had drugged Daddy came to come snatch me too before I called someone to come rescue him. Should I call Miss Mara?"

Natasha considered it. "Is she an assassin?" Darrien smiled and nodded. "We will if we need more help." He ran over to hug them then went back to the couch to watch tv. The trio of assassins left together to go save the knight from becoming the bad guy by saving his girlfriend too hard.

Darrien started to get hungry so he went to check on his Auntie Jane. She seemed neat and she could explain stuff, and Darcy always said that Jane had to eat. That's part of what she did, was making her eat, so maybe he could fill in? They could eat together. He snuck into the lab and into her lap, looking at the pretty star map. She had explained what it was before. "Are those from here?" he asked, grinning up at her.

"Asgard's." She looked at him. "You're not supposed to be in here." She looked around.

"Daddy's off rescuing my future stepmom because some of his ex's wanted to make sure that she was good enough for him. He had me ask the nice guy Mr. Barton to come help him. So they'll find her soon." He grinned. "I came to fill in for her. She said you always need help doing stuff and remembering to do stuff like eating."

Jane smiled at him. "A lot of it is scientific stuff and taking notes for me, Darrien. But sure, you can at least learn something." He beamed and nodded, pointing at the stars and naming them. "That's really good."

"Some rites a few of the coven do depend on star patterns so I had to draw a few out with them once while Daddy was fighting the huge demon that *really* needed to go home."

She nodded. "That's a good reason to learn that." She gave him a cuddle and taught him about the other stars and their solar systems. When she realized she was hungry she looked around then down at him. "We should probably get you to bed. It's almost ten."

He sniffled, pouting at her. "Can I have a snack?"

"You didn't get to eat dinner?"

"Daddy tried to call Dara to come watch me but she was out on a date." He grimaced. "The other two in town are mean. I could go make us sandwiches. Darcy said you have to eat too."

"I do, yeah. We can go make sandwiches. I'm that talented." He grinned and hugged her then got up, helping her straighten up and lock up her research for the night before taking her hand to walk her to the elevator then into the kitchen, babbling about the work the coven had him learning about stars.

Stark was in the kitchen and looked at the kid then at Jane. "They're on a date?"

"Daddy's rescuing her from his ex's," Darrien said.

"Ah!" He nodded. "I wondered where half of us went. Is everyone okay?" he asked Jane.

She shrugged. "The first I heard about it was Darrien coming in to help me like Darcy does."

"That's sweet, kiddo." Darrien grinned, moving to make them sandwiches. "She likes the other cheese."

"Okay," he chirped and made that one his and then hers. She smiled, taking it from him to sit and eat.

Faith walked off the elevator dragging Clint with Natasha storming after her. "Here, returning him. He got knocked out by the demon that wanted to stop Xander from trying to find true love because it'd ruin his bets on the board. They're okay. They're just not local now thanks to them. So I'm here to watch the squirt. Dara finally told him she wasn't and hadn't delegated."

Darrien shrugged. "I helped Auntie Jane with her star stuff. It's even more neat than what the coven had me learning." He ate a bite of sandwich.

Faith patted him on the head. "We'd all love it if you became some sort of doc, kiddo. By the way, your dad, so very pissed at Dara for not coming to protect you."

He snorted and waved a hand like Darcy did. "I'd be okay. The demons that'd want to take me to make Daddy mad at them can't get in here. Plus I have my protections on." He grinned and held up his pendant. "I could've gotten help if I needed to, or run for the weapons room."

"Good point. Still, say nighty-night."

"Night, Auntie Jane and Mr. Stark." He hugged Jane with a grin. "You're a great teacher sort." He walked out, climbing up onto the back of the couch. "Is Mr. Barton okay? I doubt Daddy thought he'd get hurt."

Natasha looked at him. "He was fine until the demon tried to kidnap Darcy to keep them apart. He'll be fine, Darrien." The boy grinned. "Who watched you?"

Faith snorted. "Dara was supposed to or to delegate. Can't you tell?" she quipped. "X *so* chewed her ass until she probably won't want to see her boyfriend for a week."

"Daddy knows I'm good enough to watch myself during battles as long as there's a tv and some stuff to nibble on," Darrien sighed. "Not like we got sitters during battles." He grinned at Clint since he was staring at him. "Are you okay? I can help fuss over you tomorrow."

"I'll be fine, kiddo. Just a bit bruised. You don't have to fuss like your stepmom."

Darrien smiled. "I like being like Darcy. She's neat and does neat things." He blew a kiss. "Night. Night, Not Evil Red Queen." He slid off the back of the couch and took Faith's hand to take her to their apartment so he could take a bath and go to bed.

Natasha smiled at the staring people. "I'm not the evil Red Queen."

"You with magic would be scary, and the one in the book was a bad dresser," Stark quipped. "We're happy with you being the queen you are, Romanoff." He walked off giggling.

Jane smiled at her. "I taught him more about star patterns. He came to fill in for Darcy."

"That's sweet," Natasha said. Bucky came off the elevator shaking his head. "Lost them?"

"Yes," he complained. "But I also made sure the demon was dead when it nearly fell on top of me. Wherever they come back to on this plane, we can make sure they get back easily enough." He flopped down with a scowl. "The kid the slayer admitted she forgot to come watch?"

"With Faith," Jane said. "He came to help me and reminded me about dinner. Apparently he sits himself during battles?"

"Middle of nowhere, no non-combatants," Natasha said. "He can probably do so for a few hours at most. Which was when he sought you out most likely."

"Huh. I didn't even think about that problem." She walked off. "Let me hit the sack too, guys. Feel better, Barton."

"Thanks."

"The happy couple will be back in a few hours from whatever demon realm they're on," Bucky called after her. He looked at Natasha, who smiled. "I'm hoping I never draw demons like that."

"You almost drew a few succuba," Clint said, sitting up holding his ribs. "At the bar with Steve. They ignored him."

"The twins?" Clint nodded. "How did you know?" Clint pointed at Natasha.

"I sprayed them with holy water." She smirked at him. "You need better taste as well."

He snorted. "They were getting flirty, I wasn't buying it," he shot back. "I don't need twins to prove my manhood." He got up. "Let me go clean off anything the falling demon may've dropped on me." He went to take a long hot shower.

Natasha helped Clint to his feet then went to her own room to laugh about all that. Xander did have some of the weirdest luck and so had Darcy. Though it was nice all of Xander's ex's had bought them wedding presents and were dolling her up for him. Even if a few had wanted her in a Madonna-era white bustier. They all knew the one who had picked it had no taste, even though Darcy had looked very sensual in it.

***

Xander finished killing the last demon and shook his sweaty hair back, looking around. "Now, where's Darcy?" he demanded coldly. The demon in charge pointed at a room so he walked that way. Behind him the doors shut and locked. "Not cute. I have to get back to the kid before Faith warps him."

"You can go tomorrow. Consider it a bonding night, Knight and Lady."

Xander looked at her. She shrugged. "I've never had this happen."

"I've never had them be this amused," he admitted, grinning slightly. "Are you okay? I should've asked sooner."

"I'm okay. They scared me a bit and it was a bit weird that your ex's decided to doll me up for you, but sweet of them. Very sweet of them and the demons that took us so you would take out the problem ones were still sweet to me. They even left us dinner that doesn't seem to be nasty or drugged."

He looked then at her. "The meat's got very good endorphin building compounds. Makes you happy and flirty." He stepped closer, giving her a kiss. "Let me shower? I'm nasty."

"I can do that." He grinned, heading in there. She laid down, getting comfortable. Xander came out in a towel. "No flirty clothes?"

"No. They know I'd only rip them. They keep thinking I'm fatter than I am." He laid down beside her, pulling her closer to kiss and cuddle.

She smiled. "Are we giving in to pressure?"

"I think that's up to you," he said with a smile.

She considered it. "We can't hold a wedding yet."

"Up to you. I consider you mine because my hyena loves you to be our pack."

She blushed, poking him on the shoulder. "Being pack is fun." She took another kiss, winding herself around him. "We have to tell the kid."

"He'll be excited."

"Good. I am." He grinned and pulled her closer to make her happy.

***

The head demon's wife knocked the next morning. "Knight, Lady? We have problems we must discuss if you are awake."

"Yeah, we're up and I'm all but dressed," he said. "She's dressed." The demon walked in with a pot of coffee, letting them pour it. "You have the look of a Rosenburg sized issue."

She nodded, clasping her hands in front of her. "She heard that your ex's had conspired to bring you two to the altar and had a fit." Xander sighed and nodded, making 'go on' motions with a hand while he drank the coffee. "She's cursed you two to a non-fairytale ending in this life if you should be bonded at any time when on that plane."

Xander stared at her. "Really?" She nodded, looking down. "What was the curse?"

"That one of you would die in front of the other. She was thinking Lady should go but you know how her curses go."

Xander looked at Darcy, who was looking pissed. "I'm going to call Justice on her again," he said bluntly. "And make her keep her this time." She hugged him. He considered it. "Do you want to beat the witch until she rescinds it?" he asked quietly, staring at her.

"Can we?" she asked, then looked at the demon.

"She called on the hellmouth to lay the curse," the demon sighed. "She can remove it but that will also probably end her."

Xander looked at Darcy, who shrugged. "Ya know what, I'm going to call in the poker debt your brother-in-law owes me. I'd like to see and use his mirror, with Willow in attendance with Buffy and Faith."

"Faith guards your pup."

"Good! I'm still going to kick Dara's ass for not guarding my pup. Or the other two, which might've tried to sacrifice him but at least he wouldn't have been alone."

"JARVIS would've helped him," Darcy reminded him, rubbing his arm. "So would Jane and the others probably."

He sighed. "Yeah but they're still at the tolerating me stage." He looked at her. "Stark thinks I'm not good enough for you, and he's probably right." She swatted him then kissed him on the cheek. He looked at the demon queen. "May we use the mirror?"

"We have it locally for a proposed mating that demanded it in the contract, Knight." He grinned. "The slayers...not totally welcome. We can get the revived one and your leader though."

"That would be great," he agreed with a smile. "Can someone check them for memory spells first?"

"Yes, we can," she said with a smile then left. "Have fun for the next hour or so."

"Yup." He kissed Darcy, who swatted him again but was smiling. "The mirror shows how true a mating is, how destined and how tight the fit is," he said quietly. "I think all this stuff may go back to Willow's former crush on me in school. Then we kissed that few times and she got all freaky about me dating. Even before then she got freaky about me dating and she was seeing Oz."

"You told me about that." She rubbed his shoulder, leaning on his arm. "We'll handle it and her. I can use my tazer like a pro."

He grinned. "That might work too. Might keep me from finding my axe to chop her into pieces." She hugged him. "I can't believe she did that."

"If she can't have you, no one can?" she asked.

"Apparently and she hates my kid too. Even if I thought of her that way, Darrien's staying and I wouldn't allow that." She nodded, cuddling him. "You can probably send an email. They have the internet up here."

She got into her phone to send one to Jane. Who sent back a status report. "Darrien went to fuss over her last night so she'd feed him." Xander winced, shaking his head. "Jane taught him more about the solar systems and then they had sandwiches. Faith showed up then."

"Tell her I'm sorry?"

"I did." She sent the new message. "The only one that was giving funny looks was Stark and even he'd have to do that sometimes because Pepper would be with him or somewhere completely different."

Xander nodded. "I try really hard not to let him get near the bad things."

She smiled. "We can protect each other." He relaxed again, kissing her gently. "Are we going to get ambushed by more of your ex's that're going to give prezzies?"

"I don't know. That was only six of the last eighteen." She sat up to stare at him. "Easy and fun, Darcy. Sorry?"

"No, I get that." She cuddled again. "It's nice that we can keep each other's tempers," she quipped.

"Yeah, you're doing a great job on mine." He smirked. She swatted him again but it'd be okay.

***

Buffy and Giles were let into the room with Willow, who was in chains. "Xander, Darcy? Are we okay? Need rescued?"

"Not exactly," Xander said, waving a hand at Willow. Thor stomped in. "Lord Thor. We're going to see something because *someone* laid a curse on us." He stared at Willow. "Go stand in front of the mirror, Willow."

"Why?" she demanded, trying to get free. Giles stared at the mirror, mouthing the translation to the words carved over it. Then he shoved her over. She stared. Beside her was Oz. Not Tara, Oz. "What is this thing?" she demanded, staring at Xander. "Explain yourself, Mister, before I finish losing my temper!"

"That is a mirror of True Mating," Thor said, staring at the young warrior. Xander nodded. "That is bold."

"Yep, but necessary," Xander said quietly. "That mirror shows a single person their true mate or a couple how well they fit together." He stared at her. "Which one's there?"

Buffy moved to see better. "That's Oz. He looks rough."

"It's a tough thing being a pack second," Xander said. He looked at her. Then he stepped forward. The aura between them looked like dark gray storm clouds. He looked at Willow. "Even if you still thought of it like you did before you found Oz, that proves it's a bad match."

"You're ...." She struggled to get free again. "You're wrong! It's not! It's never been that! You're just a guy and you're wrong!"

Darcy stepped up when Xander held out a hand. Buffy stopped her and moved Willow so only Xander stood there. No one. "Damn," Buffy sighed, letting Darcy go to him. Between them were silver clouds, light silver with flashes of blue and purple.

Thor nodded. "That's a good sign. Mine with Jane should be so happy." He looked at Darcy then at Xander. "I want your sworn word you will take as good of care of her as you do your son."

Xander pulled Buffy's knife off her hip and cut his thumb. "I swear on my blood to take care of Darcy as best I can." Above them tiny chimes rang out.

Thor nodded, smiling at them. "Then felicitations on your future union, Knight." He hugged them. "Congratulations, Darcy."

"Thanks, Thor." She grinned at him. "They wanted us to bond last night but the curse she laid meant we'll die. Probably in front of the kid."

Thor winced, staring at the crying witch. "I do not understand why," he admitted.

Xander shook his head. "Before we met Buffy, Willow was my best friend and used to have a terrible crush on me. I was her ideal. Not the real me but the ideal me that paid attention to her and protected her, helped her with things she couldn't figure out on her own. It let her have someone to mother when I got hurt and stuff like that." Thor sighed but nodded. "It took the place of the faulty relationship her parents and everyone else had with her. The ideal me was all she needed.

"Then Buffy came and I had a tiny crush on her until she turned into a bitch." Buffy rolled her eyes but nodded. "That didn't help the crush end. Even when she started to date Oz, her anointed true mate according to the mirror, it wasn't enough. Somehow we ended up kissing a few times and then she freaked out. Which was when all the 'normal guy' and 'useless' stuff started. Which sounds a lot like her pushing me away because it made her freak out basically."

"It's fairly well understood psychologically," Giles agreed. "She convinced us that he was just getting injured and in the way. Which led to our group not being as strong." Buffy nodded, punching Xander on the arm.

Darcy looked at her. "Don't give him bruises to have me baby, Buffy. He has plenty from yesterday." Buffy grinned but nodded, stepping back. She looked at Xander then at Willow. "So all the stress was you breaking the ideal?"

"Yeah. That's all I could figure out." Willow was sobbing now. "Frankly, I blame that on her parents. They were worse than mine. At least mine were physically present if something happened." He sighed. "Now, we've got to find some way to remove the curse. Before I leave my kid and my fiancee. Because I'll be damned if that curse is going to hit Darcy or Darrien."

"I'd kill her if it was tried," Darcy said. Faith strolled in with Jane and the kid.

Darrien walked up to Willow and stared at her then stabbed her in the arm with a knife he had gotten from his father's collection. "You're even worse than an evil queen or a bad demon that wants to kill humanity." He let his father take the knife and swat him. "She deserved it!"

"You are too young to stab someone," he said, staring at him. "Starting down that path means you become me instead of Darcy and I'd rather you grew up more like her. That way you get a long life of happy times and your own kids. Not dying in a demon battle that suddenly cropped up next to you."

Darrien pouted, looking down. "Yes, Daddy. She still deserved it."

"Yes she does," Darcy agreed, taking him to cuddle. "But that's a mommy and daddy job, not the kid's job." She stared at him. "Got it?" He nodded. "Good." She kissed him on the head. "Xander?"

"The only way the curse is gone is if she removes it, Darcy."

Darcy looked at Willow. "Is it really worth killing him to make yourself feel better?" She shook her head, staring at the knife. "No, you don't get to do that in front of the kid. Sorry." She kicked it back towards Xander, who picked it up. "If you're that desperate, then find another way where no one has to find you or your remains, Willow." She walked off with the kid. "We're going to be over here with Jane." She looked at her best friend and boss. "Thanks for watching him for us last night."

"You're welcome. He soaks up knowledge like a sponge and he was a good boy. Even helped make sandwiches when I said I should eat and realized he hadn't." He shrugged but cuddled Darcy. "Now what?"

"Now.... if she doesn't remove the curse I don't know," Darcy admitted. "Xander's saying he'll go back alone to make sure it hasn't taken."

"No!" Willow shouted, standing up to glare at him. "You will not! You're not sacrificing yourself for anyone!"

He punched her, knocking her back down. "I'm not going to let you kill my fiancee or my kid, Willow. If the choice is me or them? It's me. That's what a real parent is." She burst out crying again. "The only other choice is me staying up here or you taking off the spell for good. We can find a nice demon realm to live on. That's not a problem. There's a few I know that I'd love to set up a new farm on and spoil them rotten." Buffy moaned, staring at him. He shrugged. "The only choices we have thanks to her curse."

"Can the coven?" Buffy asked Giles.

"She pulled both hellmouths to cast it," their host said. Buffy winced, walking off. He saw her glance in the mirror and pout. "Slayer, none of you are allowed anyone anointed or ordained," he said quietly, making her stare at him. "Your calling prevents it by orders from on high."

She smiled. "But I can find someone good for me?"

"Yes."

"Did Xander have one?"

"They removed the lines so he couldn't as a punishment. That and the compulsion a certain young slayer laid to protect herself severed any chance of one ever building," he said with a nod at Darrien and Darcy. Buffy winced.

Xander shrugged. "I always knew I didn't have one. If I did, I would've found them by now. It's good that Darcy and I fit like we were ordained though. She's kinda perfect for me even though she doesn't like weapons. I might even be a bit less warrior stud because of her."

"You'll do both," Darcy assured him with a grin. "To protect the girls and all of us. The same as the team does and then they have their real lives. It's like the national guard only yours is full time teaching."

He nodded. "I love that you understand."

"Your vows to the slayers are as deep as Jane's to science, Xander. I get that." He walked over to kiss her. Darrien giggled at being smooshed between them.

Buffy looked at Giles and Faith, who shrugged back. "Willow, remove the curse and all the spells you've put on the slayers," she ordered quietly. "If you take the one thing that makes Xander that happy, you deserve to die and I'll make sure of it. Even if I do have to see my mom again. She'd probably cheer." Willow was back to crying. "Now, Willow."

"Slayer, it could end her," their host said.

Buffy nodded. "She's come back once. I came back three times. She shouldn't have come back this time but the Powers sent her back."

"No," Giles sighed, looking at her. "Another seer got a message about that. The spells and curses she had on us to make us like she expected us to be kept her from being pulled over."

Xander nodded. "Meaning the one on me and the one making Buffy stay the airheaded cheerleader?"

"And me being more of a booknerd sort, yes," Giles agreed.

"So the will spell only worse," Xander said. Giles nodded. "Great."

"I'll miss being so happy and cheerful but oh well," Buffy said, glaring at Willow. "Remove it before I call on someone myself, Willow. You're not going to rob Xander of the only happiness he has."

"He's our happily ever after," Faith agreed.

"Does that make me the Frog Prince's tadpole?" Darrien joked.

"Yup, sure does," Buffy called back. "Which is why you need a good princess like your stepmom to kiss you some day."

"Two of his ex's have had kids to be around his age," Darcy quipped. "They told me when they were dolling me up so they could do a shotgun wedding."

Willow hopped up and went after them but Faith shoved her back and Buffy punched her this time. "No," Buffy said. "No. Sorry. Xander deserves to be happy with everything he gave up for us."

"He's..." she started. Buffy glared. Willow shrank back. This was the Mother Slayer, not her friend. "I...."

"Take off the spells," Giles said firmly and coldly. "Now, Willow. You've already faced retribution once. Do you wish to face it again?"

"I can't!" she shouted.

"Bullshit," Faith shot back more quietly. "If it happens it's no different than you using the knife, Red." Xander and Darcy walked out with the baby and Jane. Xander came back alone. "They okay?"

"Darrien's showing how he learned to make tea. I don't want my kid to ever see something like this and Darcy doesn't need to either." Thor nodded he agreed. He looked at Willow. "There is a chance you can remove the curses without dying. Then again, you're basically a zombie since no one properly sent you back." He pointed behind him. "They were staring at the doorway when we walked out."

Buffy looked. "We've had a few at the house freaking out everyone," she agreed. "Because of...." she pointed at Willow.

"She didn't get sent back, she escaped," Xander said simply. Giles shuddered, hugging himself.

"If she truly used this chance to right some of the wrongs that got Justice called on her, then they will let her go back," Thor said quietly. "She can serve her punishment and petition to be given back to one of the slayers as a helper."

"Hopefully at a point in time when she doesn't give my kid screaming nightmares," Xander sighed. He rubbed his forehead. "Someone with bigger powers just landed." He pointed. "And they're not happy."

Darrien opened the door. "The Lady of Justice," he announced. He grinned up at her. "Did I do good?"

"You did super, kiddo. Go get a cookie?" Xander suggested with a grin. He ran off to do that. Xander stared at the goddess.

She smiled. "He offered. Said it fit since you were being a Knight and your bonded one is a Lady." She walked over, staring at Willow. She sighed. "I cannot remove the curses."

"Did you summon her again?" Giles asked, staring Xander down.

"No, I didn't."

"He did not, Rupert. This is the first time this soul improperly taken from my realm could be found and retrieved." She looked at him. "Though he has every cause to call me this time." Giles nodded, looking down. She looked at Xander.

"All I'd want is for her to remove it. And then maybe see a *good* shrink." He rubbed his head again. "I ... I can't. I'm sorry but I can't witness this. I don't want to have nightmares about this, I don't want this to follow me into the afterlife. Because we all know there'll be an attack soon because we're up here." He walked off to cuddle his son.

Buffy winced, looking at Faith. Who nodded. "We'll get to it when we get back," Faith reminded her. "Unless the nice beings up here can make us go back in time."

"If they did that it would undo the binding," the Goddess of Justice said. "Which would be a shame. They are so adorable together." She looked at Buffy. "Being a slayer does not mean you can't find someone decent, dear. Your mother would appreciate it. She said so." Buffy nodded, looking down and kicking at the stones. "She said she did like that nice professor but he was a bit too mean for you."

"Considering they found him guilty of eating living people? Yup," she said dryly.

"Is that what he did?" Faith asked, grimacing. "Eww."

"I didn't know. Xander sniffed him and asked why he smelled like a carrion eater."

"Yes, and I alerted the authorities to look into him," Giles said bluntly. "I don't care if it's Spike, Buffy, but do date someone who makes you happy who won't kill the others?"

"That leaves out Spike," she said but smiled at him. Giles gave her a pointed look back. "I'll tell him you said that but he's going to pout about the whole not being a killer thing."

"Fine, have him find you one then." Faith walked off laughing. They looked around then at Willow. She was praying but the Goddess was staring down at her until she finally gave in and undid the curse.

Faith walked out, finding Darcy crying on Darrien. "Something new happen?"

"Happy tears," Darcy said with a hand flap.

"Oh, okay. He's good at helping those too." She patted Darrien on the back and walked around them. Xander grinned. She glanced at Darcy then back at him.

"Darrien asked if I thought his mom would mind if he called Darcy mom," Xander said quietly.

"Awww. I doubt she would. Darcy's clearly strong enough to be one of us." She looked back then at Xander again. "We can probably go."

"We probably can," he agreed, getting up to grab the weapons. Darcy cuddled the baby harder and Jane came to join them. "Thanks, Paul."

"Welcome, Xander, and happy bonding, you two." He smiled and got them back to earth with Buffy and Giles. The goddess could deal with her own punishment.

Xander landed and yup, there was a battle. Xander handed Buffy his spare sword. Faith grabbed one that someone threw toward her. "Darcy?" He took a kiss and then one on Darrien's head.

"Jane and I are going to hide," she agreed, hiking off with Jane helping. Agents came toward them. "We're going to hide in the Tower."

"Ma'am, you're not allowed in there."

Jane sneered then pointed at Thor. "I'm pretty sure I live with him and my assistant is going with me." The agent glared. Jane took the baby and let Darcy hit him. "Nice one."

Darrien looked down at him then smiled. "I'm Darrien Harris. This is my new mom." He cuddled Darcy with a grin. The agent screamed and ran away. "Cool!" He waved then they all got out of the way of the battle. Darrien looked back. "Wow, that's gross. It's shooting boogers."

Darcy turned him around so he wouldn't have to see. "There's plenty of nastier body fluids, Darrien. It could be peeing on them."

"Ewww, that's even more gross," he agreed but he grinned at her. They made it into the tower and the guards got them to the safe area with Pepper. "Hi, Miss Pepper."

"Hi, Darrien. Where were you?" she asked Darcy.

"We got picked up from having to defend ourselves from some of Xander's ex's trying to do a shotgun wedding. The demon plane helped us but there was a problem they wanted and needed Xander to come solve," she babbled, sitting down with a sigh, cuddling the baby but turning him so he couldn't see the tv. "Then there was a curse we had to solve and all sorts of drama."

"But they're going to get married soon. Which I guess means I've got to get dressed up and wear *shoes*," Darrien said with a grimace and duck lips.

Darcy gave him a cuddle. "We'll see." He grinned up at her. She was watching the battle on tv, wincing at Xander's arm being cut into. Then one of the slayers quipped that Darcy would baby that for him. The demons all complained and huffed but the slayers beat them back. Xander walked off waving at the girls. They tried to carry him off to talk about wedding stuff but he said they had to talk to Darrien. They pouted but oh well! Darcy laughed. Pepper reached over to pat her on the arm.

Darrien looked over. "Did one of the slayers just say I had to talk about wedding stuff with them?"

"Your father did so they wouldn't carry him off to do it for us."

"Oh, shoot. They're going to make *plans*." He cuddled into her arms. "Save me?"

"Yeah, I can do that." She grinned at Jane then at Darrien. "Thor knows a lot of warriors who might want to date slayers." Darrien giggled, sending that to his auntie's phone. Faith read it out loud and the girls ran off to talk to Thor about the unmarried, non-dating warriors who might like them. Darrien and Darcy shared a high-five and went to fix a post-battle snack. Jane and Pepper came to help.

Bucky stomped off the elevator, coming to stare at Darcy. "Can you talk the slayers into giving Steve back?"

"Have to ask Xander," she said. "I don't have that power."

Bucky groaned, going to find Xander in the infirmary. Xander looked up from being forced to let them do his stitches. "If he had less manners they'd like him less. They think it's so sweet he has manners and he's shy about them feeling up his muscles. Have Natasha talk to them."

She looked over then sighed. "The girls do look up to me," she agreed. "I can talk to them once I've bathed off the demon snot."

"At least this one doesn't shoot paralyzing demon snot," Xander quipped.

"Eww," Clint Barton complained from his seat.

"No, ewww was ending up inside one of them to set the explosive," Xander said. "Seriously."

"Don't share," Stark ordered. "I don't need to vomit. Or more than I already am over the gooeyness." He got finished and walked off to check on Pepper. He stared at Darcy. "Do something sweet in Las Vegas?"

She smirked. "Xander said an altar in the woods."

"Whatever! Just...cut down on the sap?" Pepper hit him on the arm. "It is, Pep."

"It's cute, Tony. Darcy deserves to be very happy and so does Xander."

"So?" he complained. "I'm getting cavities." Darcy threw something at him and he caught it then ate it since it was food. Xander strolled in and picked up Darcy, carrying her off with Darrien climbing up his back to 'help'. Pepper and Tony both smiled at the cuteness but then Tony went to find something meaner to take that out of his body before he overdosed on sweetness. He wouldn't be Tony Stark if he was sweet.

Pepper giggled and pulled up resources for Darcy to go through for planning ideas. It might calm down the other slayers too. Natasha came back a few hours later with a newly rescued Steve Rogers, who was shellshocked or something since all he could do was stare with that horrified look on his face.

Bucky looked his buddy over then looked at Natasha. "Girl talk?"

"Bikinis and periods," she said with smile. Steve grimaced, shuddering a tiny bit. "Jane, Thor will be back soon. He has agreed to introduce the slayers to some of the warriors. He's got high hopes one of them takes in Fandral."

She smiled. "That'd be nice for them both."

Steve shook his head quickly and got up to go to his rooms to rest. Girls weren't like that in his day.

The End.
This story archived at http://voracity2.e-fic.com/viewstory.php?sid=89