One Little, Two Little, Three Little Knights, Four Little, Five Little, Six Little Xanders.





Xander was kicked back around a firepit with the village when his phone rang that special, bad ringtone. The slayer he was working with looked over, frowning some. Xander frowned at his phone, answering it. "It's me." He listened, sucking in a deep breath. "First, who did that? Second, how did you get my number so I know who to thank for helping you reach me?" He listened, nodding once. "I'm about a full day's travel from there. Thank you. I can be there by then. Will I need anything beyond my fists to thank them for that gift?" He nodded. "Agreed. Thank you. I'll see you by sunset tomorrow." He hung up and nearly threw his phone. "I've got to go."

"A battle?" the young slayer asked, eyes wide.

"No, someone stupid did something really, really dumb." He stood up and patted her on the head as he walked past her. "I'll be back in a few weeks. For now, practice." He got into his jeep, driving off in a small plume of dust to be respectful of the village. He could speed up in a few minutes.

***

Xander parked and turned off the engine, staring at the two men there to meet him. "Guys. I'm Xander." He got out, walking over. "What's going on?"

"We were raiding this base," one of them said in fairly decent English. Xander nodded. "How do we know you're you?"

Xander grinned, pulling a gun. "Recognize me now?"

"Yes," the other said, shuddering and backing up, looking down. "I saw you when you rescued that young one."

Xander grinned. "It's a slayer, guys. I train slayers. The old Council is gone and now the slayers get to be raised at home like normal girls with gifts." That one stared at him, eyes wide. "I've got fifteen I'm working with around here. So, what's going on?"

"This group, we thought they were selling children."

"Okay," Xander agreed. "Were they?" They both shook their heads. "Then what do we know?"

"Our general looked at the files when they found them. It's a lab. It's a lab to make children."

Xander growled. That explains why they had found his name on the files. "Mine?" They nodded, both looking down. "Thank you. I'll make sure my babies are fine and find the other parents if we can." He shook their hands. They led him inside. He nodded at the 'general' he had nearly shot once before. "So, I hear they made me a baby?"

"They made you four babies," he said, handing over the files.

Xander looked then grimaced. "Are there other kids here?"

"Six others."

"Okay. I can get someone to come get them to their families." He looked at him. "I'll let them know you helped by taking down someone you thought were people sellers."

"I'm glad they're not." He shook his hand. "Don't let us be known about. They'll fuss." He left.

Xander read the files, looking at the kids napping in the room below him. Ten kids. Four were his. He gathered the other files then called in a contact. "I need a US agent I can absolutely trust," he said in greeting. "Because one of my contacts here found a lab making babies. I should hand out cigars." He listened to the spluttering. "Exactly. Here where I am right now. I'll be here for at least a week. There's six others that need regular parents found." He hung up, putting the phone beside him on the table. His phone had a GPS chip so she could track him. She had used it in the past to get reports on something happening.

He checked the whole facility. He found a few people hiding in a vault, leaving them there. The agents could handle it. He found out who had been doing it, frowning at the names on the file. "That's stupid," he decided. "Really dumb of them." He started to make something for the kids to drink when he found the kitchen/break room. They had to be hungry or thirsty. They were all probably mobile by how old they looked. That was a benefit. His phone rang with Willow's ringtone and he grabbed it. "Not. Now." He hung up. He didn't want to hear her judgmental BS right now.

***

Xander walked out with one of the kids on his hip. She was fussy from teething. "She's got a teething fever," he told the woman getting out of the SUV.

"Tell me exactly what's going on, Harris."

He grinned. "Three names from our past and two others I didn't recognize decided to breed better soldiers. So I need to hand out cigars and so do six others' parents."

She winced. "Yours have other parents I'm assuming since she's a girl?"

"She's not mine. Mine are all cuddling the other fussy one." He grinned. "The ones that thought they were child sellers left the files. There's some people presently committing suicide by hiding in a locked vault. I've got it boobytrapped in case they try to sneak out. We'll hear when they get blown into large chunks. I'm out of the special explosives so I had to improvise."

"I can get you help."

"Mine are coming with me. That's not negotiable."

"Are you going to tell the other parents?"

"Not sure," he admitted. "You can tell them and they can write to ask if they want visitation but they're my kids."

"I can try that." She followed him inside, going 'awww' at the kids playing together. Xander grinned at her. "The files?" He pointed at the two piles. "Yours?" she said with a point at the smaller one. He nodded. "Any sign of non-born ones? Embryos?"

"There's a whole locked section that miraculously has electric," he said dryly. "I hacked into it to get the kitchen working when the generator gave out."

"Even better." She looked at the kids then at him. "Let me start, then you can disappear with the kids." He nodded, going in there to feed them. She called her boss at the FBI. "Sir, Harris had a serious problem dropped into his lap. Someone he knew down here ran into a group of people they thought were slavers selling children. It turns out to be a scientific group making children, with a few still here hiding in a locked vault. We have possible embryos and six other kids who need to be given to their parents. From what I've seen, and he said, it's a breeding experiment. Yes, sir.

"No, he's taking his. He was adamant the other parents could ask for visitation. Thank you. Yes, I am and we will need a team with support for any embryos. Thank you, sir. He'll stay for a few days to help me, yes. I know I'm not very maternal and he's probably better at it than I am so he's agreed to save me the mushy feelings, sir." She hung up and walked out of the office to look around. Xander pointed so she went that way first. The vault was still sealed. She took a picture and figured out how to open it once Xander was out of the way. He wouldn't leave them anyone to talk to. She heard the cellphone ring and winced at the 'Witchy Woman' song it played.

"Not done yet, it'll take a week," Xander said then hung up. "Don't worry, guys. We'll figure out how to tell the others so they won't pounce you or yell at me for not being here. Sometimes those two don't really make a whole lot of sense." He petted his daughter on the head. "You'll be okay." She grinned at him. "I need to change the jeep out though." The agent nodded as she headed for the lab area. "I didn't break in there, just in case there was a failsafe," he called.

"Good idea. My boss will be here tomorrow with a science team."

"The locals have tried to come see what's going on. I told them I found someone had stolen my children and a few other's children. That someone was coming to gather the other kids." She smiled at him. He sighed. "Can you not tell Willow and Buffy?"

"Gladly. I don't like talking to the senior Council people. They tend to give agents headaches." He grinned and nodded. She took pictures of the lab to send in. Her boss promised they'd be there in ten hours. "Ten hours, Harris." He nodded, feeding the kids some mushy stuff. She settled in to help him. At least he knew how to change diapers. She had not a single clue about children or pets.

***

Xander finally got to the closest local watcher's house, nodding as he walked in with the kids around him. "We need to call Giles."

"Are they slayers? One's a boy."

"Three are boys and no. Some crackhead agent decided they wanted to breed better soldiers," he said dryly, giving him a look. The other watcher shuddered. "Yeah. So I've got to report that without talking to the ones that clearly are having PMS." He walked the kids in and settled in the office, dialing the office in Cleveland. "Marjorie, I need just Giles." She gave him a wide-eyed look. "It's really important and the girls will scream," he said quietly. "Just Giles." She nodded and he could hear her shooing Willow off. Then Giles came into view. "I need the forms to add dependents."

"Have you adopted?"

Xander plugged in his memory stick, sending over the files. "No."

Giles opened them, that's how Xander tended to report in for bigger things so he had learned how. "Oh. My. God," he breathed, staring at the picture on his computer.

"Which is why I haven't answered my phone in a week," Xander said dryly. "Because there would be screaming."

"Yes, there will be. The other side?"

"They can ask for visitation if they want. Agent Bethany came when I called in for an agent I could trust. Including moving what may be about two hundred embryos. Or more, they found more refrigerators in the back room they weren't sure were in use. My name's on about a tenth of them. Apparently they thought I'd be a good mom."

Giles pulled off his glasses to clean, staring at him. "How many do you have with you?"

"Four." He pulled them into his lap, pointing at the camera. "Can you guys wave at Uncle Rupert?" They smiled and waved like he had taught them to wave at the agents.

"They're charming looking," he said. "Any others of us that may have been hit?"

"No. A few embryos had Andrew's name on them but otherwise no."

"Good." He cleared his throat. "What are you planning on doing?"

"Ducking the screaming."

"That's a good idea," he agreed with a smile. Then he looked over the camera. "I'll get to that report in a few minutes, Wilbur." He hung up.

Xander hung up on his side. "We'll let him tell them," he told the kids, taking them out to show them off in the living room. "Giles is once again praying to Janus," he said dryly.

"I'm sure he's not the only one. Embryos?"

"Yup."

"Great."

"One was mine with Andrew."

"Don't give me nightmares, Xander." He stared at him. "Are you going to be able to raise them while training the girls in the middle of nowhere?"

"Yeah. We can't travel as much. I had to change out the jeep for something bigger that had air conditioning. We're handling it so far for the last three days. Not like anyone else can come take over."

"You could set up an area and invite the girls in. You've seen all of them."

"I have but they're too far out of the way. I'll figure it out in the next few days." Wilbur nodded. "I've called most of the girls and asked them not to tell the higher ones."

"I can't even imagine the fit from *her*."

"Yeah. Me either. Giles can tell her." He grinned.

"Can she get here?"

"I hope not." He looked outside. "But that's a coven member that just appeared." He waved her in. "Willow send you?"

"Yes, she did," she said, staring at the children. "How? Did you adopt?" He pulled out his copy of the files to let her see them. "Oh, dear Goddess." She sighed, staring at him. "Are you going to give them to the other parent?"

"No. If gypsies can do it, I can do it."

She shook her head. "It's not practical. Infants need things."

"Which I can still give them while we drive a few hours every day. I always have food with me for the slayers. I always have water. We can buy diapers. We've done okay in the last few days. If not, I'll set up somewhere to train the girls and raise them. Far, far away from the screaming."

"Oh, yes, that's going on. Willow believes you should give them to the other parents, that you're going to warp them."

"She needs to butt out," Xander warned. "A lot. Today."

"I can see that point, yes. All right, are they healthy?"

"Yeah. The agents I called in for help with the other six that were born and the few hundred embryos they had waiting said they were just fine."

She winced. "Are others yours?"

"Yes, about ten percent of the embryos are mine." He grinned. "Apparently they decided I'd make a great mommy side. One's even mine and Andrew's."

"I don't even want to consider how warped that child would be, Xander," she complained.

"She'd probably be a sweet geek."

"Enough," she ordered. She rubbed her forehead. "All right. Let me go calm down Willow. The other parents?"

"Can ask me for visitation. I recognized most of their names. They're in even worse fields than I am."

"That's a good point in your favor. Let me calm her down." Xander grinned and waved the babies' hands at her. She got sent back by the coven, who was trying to control Willow. "Xander said their other parents were in even worse fields. He'd allow them to have visitation but he does have plans in case he can't travel with them. He has three sons and a daughter. He said the agents he turned them over to said they're healthy. They're all about mid-toddler, so probably just over a year or so. They're darling children who all seemed very happy with Wilbur's rug." The witches all nodded. "A lot of the embryos they found are partially his as well. Ten percent, and one's a future charming young woman who's part Andrew's."

Andrew leaned into the room. "Excuse me?"

Willow huffed. "Xander found someone had made him children," she sneered. "Which he thinks he can raise down there while traveling."

"As he pointed out, others have raised children while traveling," the witch that had went said. "He pointed out many cultures are mobile, including gypsies and the nomadic tribes down that way." The other witches nodded. "He also said he had plans to set up a training area if he feels he must."

"That's sensible at least," one of the other witches said. "Is he all right?"

"He looked mildly peeved in that annoyed yet amused way."

"Which means he's steps away from finding them to blow them up," Andrew said.

"Xander can't do that!" Willow shouted.

Andrew snorted. "Yes he can. He blew up the high school." She gaped. "Not like he forgot how he did that since he had to use it to blow up a portal last month by the reports."

"Yes he did," Giles said as he came in. "I've talked to the agent he called. She agreed that the other parents of Xander's four are in mildly dangerous fields as well. That Xander may be the safer parent. She also praised him for how he helped with the others until the agents got there to handle things. Without blowing up the ones who were hiding in the vault so they could nicely be questioned." He smiled. "It appears a few of the names are from that one military project," he said with a nod at the staring slayer.

"Riley?" Buffy asked.

"One of the scientists."

"Grand," she said blandly. "How does Xander know anything about kids?"

"He has traveled to many villages to work with many young slayers, who probably have siblings," one of the witches told her. "Things do work like that in the natural world."

"So he's seen others doing it and thinks he can?" Willow snorted. "He can't do that! He'll ruin them or warp them or something! They'll probably get eaten when he dates!"

"Unlike some people, he doesn't date vampires," Giles said dryly, glaring at her. "We will be supportive of his decision, Willow." She huffed off. The witches followed her to make sure she didn't do something magical. He looked at Andrew. "Twenty of the found embryos had your name on them," he said quietly. "They're not sure how the other parents consider things but they wanted to know about destruction wishes?"

"Hell no."

"All right. You tell Agent Bethany please?" He nodded, going to call her. She was the one that came to take statements after battles. Giles looked at Buffy. "At least you're calmer."

"I agree with Willow. I don't think Xander can raise a turtle, much less a baby."

"They're walking."

"So! It's *Xander*, Giles!"

"Yes, and he's done an amazing job training the slayers down there." He stared at her. "I'm sorry you don't trust him but he's made his wishes known and unless he does something seriously wrong that would summon a social worker or Halfrek's successor, we are not going to be anything but supportive of him." She huffed off as well. He sent a warning to Xander then sighed and called some other agents. They had to prevent Willow from hacking in those files.

***

An agent walked up to the receptionist at the tower in New York, smiling her most polite look. "I need to meet with Mr. Stark please," she said, holding up her ID. "We've found some information he needs to know and deal with about his family."

She sent that upstairs in a message. "He's not taking visitors."

"Is Ms. Potts? I'm well aware she can handle things for him." She called up and nodded. A security guard came down to escort her. She smiled, shaking Ms. Potts' hand. "I'm Agent Bethany Carmichals, Ms. Potts."

"What part of the Stark family's records?" she asked, sitting back down behind her desk.

"The ones where a contact of mine found a lab in Africa making children, including one of his that's born but has been taken in by his other father and fifteen embryos with his name listed on them."

Pepper cleared her throat, nodding. "We're sure?" Weirder things had happened since Tony had become Iron Man but not by much.

"That is what is listed in their files." She handed them over. "This is the copy of what they had with his name on them. I unfortunately also need to see another of your head engineer's friends for the same reason. He has a few noted embryos."

"Who?"

"That's something a bit odd. A formerly closed military project that was doing disgusting things to beings created a few of the scientists. The rest were agents from a few different countries. My boss is not sure why and I figured Mr. Stark may be the best one to figure that out."

"He may be," she agreed. "The other one you need to speak with?" She handed over that file. "I can do that. Are they all known?"

"No. One of the born ones does not have any noted parents. We're not sure who the parents are. One of the ones that has been taken in by their other father has a strange looking result so we're rerunning it. We're not sure if they tried to genetically tamper to give gifts."

"Oh, dear." She nodded, calling Tony down. He stomped in. She handed over the files. "The one that's born?"

"She's a charming young woman. She's very happy, very bouncy, and loves to help her father do things. She followed him around the day and a half I was with him while waiting on agents to come gather the embryos and other children."

"Wait, hold up," Tony ordered. He stared at the guard, who nodded and left. "And don't tell anyone," he ordered. "Even your other boss."

"Yes, sir."

"I'll probably do that later." He looked at her. "What, exactly, did you find?"

She smiled, pulling out a CD. "This is the file on the scientists that were involved, Mr. Stark. No known relation back to your company. Two of them are from a closed project that we're aware of how bad they were. Thankfully civilians shut it down for us before we found out. The rest seem to be agents of somewhere. My boss and I can't get clearance to look. We don't even have the clearance to know who to ask to look."

"All right. The rest?"

"Mr. Harris, who is one of the ones that took down that one project, is in Africa training some special young women. One of his contacts told him about what they thought were child sellers who turned out to be a lab. They spotted his name on files so called him to handle it because they knew he'd protect the children. He found out he has four lovely little hellions, one of them a daughter, and the other six that were born needed to be gotten to their parents. Which is when he called me.

"I showed up to look at what he had found and within a day, my supervisor had evacuated the other six children, the embryos they had, and the fourteen people hiding inside a vault hoping that no one was going to kill them." She smiled. "Mr. Harris has said that he'd allow the other parents visitation if they wished but he wanted to keep his children with him. He's settling things at the moment." She pulled out a picture. "This is him and his kids before they left the lab to us."

He looked at it. "So she's...."

"Half yours by their files. We're doing parental testing in case. He knows that and I can find him if I need to. Or you need to." He nodded once. "Though he has said that the other parents were in more dangerous fields so he wanted to maintain custody."

"I can understand why," Pepper said. "Especially if he knows what Tony's other job is."

"I believe he may, yes, and I know he knows how bad that can be." She looked at Stark again. "There's also a lot of embryos with your name on them in storage. We have no idea who is going to be gathering them for safety or disposal. So far we're taking into account wishes of disposal."

Stark sighed. "All right. So I have a daughter."

"You do. She's seventeen months by her birth certificate notes. They didn't give her a name. They gave her a number. Xander's named her Joyceline. Right now he's calling her Joy. It's apparently in homage to the woman who was like his mother who died a few years back."

"Okay," he said. "And...."

"I think you're one of the few people who can find out who those people are, and you're one who'd need to know. I know we can't and we're being blocked. Actively blocked by the higher ups in the FBI. There's Pentagon people who wanted to confiscate the embryos. Which is why I came up today, before all the testing is done." He tipped his head, smirking some. She smiled back. "If you wish me to talk to Mr. Harris for you, I can do that. I can tell you he's a good man. He's got a crappy job at the moment but it's important. As important as your other job." She stood up. "If you would find out things, this is my supervisor's number and mine." She laid both cards on the desk. "Though I'm hoping they don't take us out for finding this." She smiled at Pepper and nodded then at him. "Can I leave this in your hands?"

"Yes, you can," he promised quietly. "The other one you wanted to talk to?" Pepper handed over the file. "Yeah, he's going to flip."

"I'm really impressed Harris didn't blow up the people in the vault," the agent quipped with a grin. "Usually he would've." She left.

Stark sat down, staring at Pepper. "This is really wrong."

"Do the checks. Let me know if we need to subtly file for custody of Joyceline."

"Yeah, I can do that. You..." He pointed at the second file.

"Yup, I can do that."

"Good. Let me start with the whackjobs."

"Want me to call Fury?" she asked quietly.

"Yes. Have him show up in my lab." He walked off scowling.

Pepper made that call first. "Agent Hill, Pepper Potts. Tony just got a file dropped in his lap that's really very odd but relates back to people trying to make him and others children. The FBI agent who brought it to our attention said she's being blocked from finding the other parents and anything about the people doing this. He'd like to talk to one of you about this if you have time. Before he has to find out for himself?" She smiled. "That'd be fine. We are, yes." She hung up and took the other file with her. She took a calming breath as she walked off the elevator. "Clint?" He looked up, smiling at her. "May we speak for a minute?"

"Sure, Pepper. Huge problem? Did I run up the hot water bill?"

"No." She put the file down. "We just got a visit by an FBI agent who found a breeding program for better soldiers." He stiffened, losing the smile. She pointed at the file. "They found embryos with your name on them. Tony's looking at the idiots who did this, and incidentally made him a daughter with someone named Xander Harris."

"Never heard of him," he admitted. "Do I have one born?"

"Not that I'm aware of but she said they're checking the other six that weren't from Mr. Harris and someone. The tests weren't done but they were being blocked from doing anything plus there's people who want the embryos."

He nodded. "Hell no!"

She smiled. "Which is why Tony's looking, I called Agent Hill, and now I'm telling you."

"Thanks, Pepper. Let me.... talk to Hill so I don't duplicate."

"The FBI agent seemed very honest and they said they were taking wishes about disposal but she said she wasn't sure if someone would take them from them or make them disappear."

"Got it." He took the file as he walked around her. "Thank you, Pepper."

"You're welcome, Clint, and I hope it works out all right for you."

He shot her a smirk. He went to the lab. "Natasha, I need your help," he called into a gym as he walked past it. She came out blotting the sweat off her face. He handed her the file. "Someone made me pre-kids, Nat."

"Excuse me?" she demanded, opening the file to look at it. "Oh, damn," she said in Russian. "Who had it?"

"An FBI agent came to Stark because they were being blocked from handing them to the parents."

"We can help Stark." She led him to the right lab, walking in with him. "Stark."

"We have three things to look at right now," he said while typing. "The supposed scientists." He pointed at that set of running screens. "The other names." He pointed at those. "And who the hell is Xander Harris since he's the other father of my daughter." He looked at her. "Jump in any time."

"Pepper said she talked to Hill. She also said people wanted to confiscate the embryos."

"Hell no," Stark muttered. "Find a way to get them here safely, Barton."

"I can do that," Natasha said, calling in agents she trusted. She told them why they were gathering them to Stark and not letting anyone who legitimately had them be harmed. They agreed. "Tonight." Tony nodded. She frowned. "Go back." He did. "They are a group that is not much better than the ones that trained me." Stark looked at her. "They lord over some mystically chosen female warriors. Tend to take them from their families to train. Though there have been odd things recently about them. Including an explosion in their main compound."

"Are they bad?" Stark asked. "Or misguided?"

A redheaded woman appeared, shaking her head. "That's not us anymore. The old ways are gone, they got blown up with the old Council." She stared at Natasha. "Though I do agree that Xander has no idea what he's doing. I love him like a brother but he's training the girls in their native environments and it's not going to be good for the babies. He should give them over to their other parents. Frankly, I think he's got some romantic notion about being a dad," she sneered. "His were crap and all he's seen are crap ones." She looked up, fighting. "Damn it," she muttered. "I'm helping!" She got summoned anyway.

"Okay," Stark said. "Who was that?"

"That was Willow Rosenburg," Agent Hill said from the doorway. "She's got a known magic addiction, has very bad ideas, and helps save the world at least once a year." She walked in, pulling up those files. "Which Council member are you looking at?"

"Harris has my daughter," Stark said.

She smiled at him. "He's a White Knight, Stark. He'll protect those kids with his last breath and destroy humanity if they're harmed. He's destroyed a few huge problems while training the girls in their native environments because they were coming for his slayers." She looked at Natasha. "She was right though, they have changed. It's no longer taking them in to train. They train at home to handle things and if they want to show up to extra training they can. Any in the vicinity fall in for huge battles."

"What huge battles?" Clint asked, starting to lose his temper.

Hill pulled up a file that wasn't sealed. "Did you see anything about this town?"

"Strange earthquake about a hundred miles from my other facility," Stark said. "Most of the survivors made it out on buses thanks to early shocks."

Hill shook her head. "The town was the site of a battle against a higher level evil entity. A supernatural one. That's what the Council handles. It took seven active slayers to get it sealed back in so Rosenburg, who that was, activated the whole line. So now it's not one slayer it's hundreds of slayers of all ages and abilities." Natasha growled. "Down," she ordered, smiling at her. "They're given a life. They're given training at home in how to protect themselves. They're given a choice if they want to use their gifts to patrol an area.

"The team out there did it that way. That's why the old Council tried to kill them." Natasha was still scowling. "Now the girls are shown how to protect themselves and their families. They're not pushed, not guilted, nothing. I know of Harris and he's working with the slayers in Africa. He's got fifteen in the continent and only two wanted to patrol so he's handling it with them while he travels to each girl to check on them, up their training, and help them be the best young women they can be. Since you can't remove the calling from them. Some higher power ordained it was their calling."

"So mystical bullshit, ordained fighters," Stark said. "The old one was as bad as Natasha's trainers and now they're better," he said bluntly. Hill nodded. "I don't want that around my daughter."

"Then ask him to show up so you can get to know her," Hill said. "Though he is highly overprotective of those girls. He took out a rebel group that was harassing one of them." Stark gaped. So did Clint. "He's also handled the battles down there with the older girls. The younger ones don't get more than self defense work. The new Council way is that the younger girls get self defense work however they choose. At puberty they start learning the different species and all that, and they're not allowed to even ask to patrol until they're at least seventeen unless there's a battle.

"Then it's by volunteer and you had better be at least sixteen to volunteer." She shrugged. "They're doing it the right way now and letting the girls make all their own decisions with their families if they have one." She pointed at the image of Sunnydale. "The one that did that took out a good half of the potentials that could've been called. Usually with their families."

"So he's a warrior," Clint said. Hill nodded. "Is he a good man?"

"Fairly decent. He's got a bad sense of humor and dates horrible people." She smiled at him. "I'm surprised you haven't flirted with him. You're his type, or Natasha."

"I've heard of someone who was dating Peitro Calas," Natasha said.

"Yes, that's him," Hill said dryly. "Only dangerous ones like him and most of them would love to help him with the slayers. Some of them get him things he needs." She pulled up other files. "Otherwise, I have agents going to gather the embryos. Without harming those FBI agents. The one that showed up is the one that goes to debrief the Council after events." She looked at Stark. "You want into the files on that closed project but we don't have it. No one has it. It was sanitized unless Rosenburg has a copy." She pulled up their page for him, getting a smirk. "The team out there, the one that took over, took out a military spec ops project to get it stopped. It was that foul."

"The scientists weren't punished?"

"Some went to jail. Some went to the UN. Some went to Homeland. Some of the scientists went to other special projects. Including breeding apparently. We're not sure about the others either."

"I want my daughter here soon," Stark said. "I don't like the sound of that guy."

Hill shrugged. "Work that out with him, Stark. He's offered visitation but we know he's fierce over protecting kids. No one else would take out a rebel base in Sudan to get them off a young woman."

"Hold on, that one base that was moving toward the refugee camp?" Natasha demanded. "Steve and I were prepping for that mission."

"Yeah, that was him. He found some artillery from a date." Hill shrugged, grimacing. "It was messy but they quit that. His trainee is safe. I'm pretty sure he moved them away from there anyway. I've also heard he's taken out a few enclaves of demons." She shrugged again. "He's the sort to do what he needs to do, even if it seems wrong at the time to outsiders. Then again, the top females at the Council aren't really appreciative of him. They think he's *normal*." Clint snorted, shaking his head.

"I'm fairly certain that Harris may never come back to the US again thanks to Rosenburg and Summers. Everyone who's talked to them hate dealing with them. The guy in charge is better. The housemother is a geek. Harris is their guy. The guy who fixes things and handles things and does things. The slayers confuse many because they shop before battles. The SHIELD agents watching over them subtly all got very confused why they went to find a perfect outfit to wear to the battle and bikinis for afterward." She sighed.

Natasha's eye twitched. "They did what?" she demanded.

"They could use sense," Hill said. "Summers runs the slayers. Rupert runs the Council. Harris trains the girls that Summers doesn't get to usually see. They tend to last very long and tend not to nag him about things."

"Still," Stark said.

"They can show up if you ask," she reminded him. "Harris has common sense. He actually uses it, unlike Rosenburg." She pointed. Natasha knocked her out. "Thank you. We can deliver her back to them before she destroys part of Africa." She looked at Stark. "We'll gladly let you see what you need to see, but we don't have everything."

"I can question her," Natasha said, looking at the downed witch.

"She can sneeze and blow up the world," Hill said bluntly. Natasha stared at her. She nodded. "She was deeply grieving at one point in time and nearly did."

"Fuck," Clint muttered. "Okay, so we're looking at damaged warriors."

"Sometimes but not always," Hill said. "Rosenburg, Summers, sometimes Harris, yes. Don't deal with Kennedy. She's a rich girl without sense and hates Harris for some reason. She's jealous. Faith is good, she's steady. She's healed since her turn toward bad once. Rona, Klia, a lot of the senior regional girls, they're good. They'll take help if it's offered. Klia's in England and when MI-5 offered, she taught them how to back up the slayers." She smirked. "I was going to send you anyway."

"Okay," Stark said. "Let me get into this. Can you get Harris back here?"

"I can get Harris to Turkey," she said. "He's actively avoiding the nagging people who believe he's going to be bad at what he's already shown he's good at." She sent off an email. "Hmm. Battle in the US soon but he's not recalled. Battle with him next week but he's letting one of the slayer's mothers babysit during it. He will be in Angola for that, then Oman for a regional watcher meeting, where he said he's expecting to nag some of them for being dicks as he put it, then he'll be in Turkey in one week." She looked at him. "He'll be in Istanbul for three days starting next Wednesday."

Stark nodded. "I can meet him there. I want my daughter."

"Work it out with him, Stark, but get to know him first. He's the sort he'll leave the plane to protect the kids if he thinks you're a threat." She walked off. "I'll see what sort of information we have."

"Thank you." He looked at Natasha then at the downed witch, then back at the spy-assassin. "You have fun." She smirked, carting the young woman off with Clint's help. Stark got back to searching. This was not looking good and his daughter was wrapped up in things that was going to give him an ulcer.

***

Stark was watching the news, glaring hard. "What the hell is that?" he demanded to the person on the phone. "That's an invasion! Why weren't we told! We would've helped!" The guy on the other end said he hadn't heard so he couldn't do that. "Whatever!" He hung up and looked at the ones staring around him. He got out of the way. "The same people," he told Natasha.

"I recognized them from my chat with Willow." She stared then pulled up footage from SHIELD's files. "That's the whole thing." Stark turned to watch it. She realized his pissed off face looked slightly evil. "They don't trust the agents enough to let us help them." Stark glared at her. "I asked Rosenburg while we chatted. Mostly because of some agents trying to pressure them to turn over the younger slayers into their training and keeping, plus that project that had been part of the Army."

Stark nodded. "That program was homicidally nasty, Romanoff. Absolutely nasty." He looked at her. "Not even the Nazi bastards would've liked that one."

She nodded. "Then it was a good idea for that group to shut them down."

"I'm sure the Army was real pleased that a construction worker, three female college students, and a former librarian did so," he said.

She smiled. "Sometimes a cover is the best thing in the world. The Council is now blown open and people are asking." She put up the other file. "This is what Harris was doing yesterday since Summers decided not to recall him."

Stark watched, tensing up. "I know that weapon."

"He bought it from a contact he dated," she said dryly. "You notice he took a blow for the girls and then hit it again?" Stark nodded, staying silent as he huffed. "He's heading for Oman today."

Stark walked off nodding. "I'll be damned."

She paused him by grabbing his arm. "I asked a contact he knew. It took me three different calls to find one but that one has said he would allow visitation because he recognized names and thought that the other parents' jobs were just as deadly. He can slow down. The others won't," she said quietly.

He smirked. "I have people I can hire to watch her."

"Which is a horrible fate for a baby," she said simply. "He grew up with people like your father, only poor."

"Understood." She let him go and he went to pack. He had to get to Turkey before Harris and the kids.

Clint nodded. "I'm not sure which side I'm on. I can see how he doesn't want the kids in danger. Then again, he does stuff like that." He pointed before walking off. "Not like we get warning before battles."

"It is a good point to think on," she agreed. "We are being sent to the Council for SHIELD. They're aware of our last battle." He smirked at her before going to pack and change into his action suit.

***

Xander limped into the café, settling himself down with the stroller beside him. He kissed the kids on the head. "Want water?" They grinned. He smiled at the waiter. "Water?" he asked in English. The waiter nodded. "Can I have some cold tea?"

"Any food?"

"Later. We're just out of the market." He nodded, making that note and going to get their drinks. He poured their water into sippy cups and drank his, relaxing. Someone sat across from him. "Philip."

"Xander." He stared. "Stark's very upset."

"As opposed to ...." He took another sip. "He can find me. I told him my itinerary today."

"Point." He looked at the kids then at him. Xander grinned. "She's adorable."

"She tries. She got up at sunrise this morning."

The arms dealer smiled. "Some kids are like that. My sister was."

"Yeah but I work nights."

"Point." He patted him on the head. "Try the bites of vegetables in phyllo. It's really good and the kids can nibble on them."

"I can do that once we're cooled down."

"Good boy. Don't react, just be calm. He's hyper like Willow but he's got sense." Xander grinned. "And he's here." He nodded politely. "Can I watch the others tonight? I need to get my mother off my back nagging for kids."

"Maybe. Depends on what I'm doing."

"Thanks." He patted the kids and Xander then left.

Xander looked back and pointed. "You can come sit, Stark." He sipped his tea. The waiter came over. "My friend suggested little bites of veggies in phyllo dough?" The waiter smiled and nodded. "Will it be small enough for them to handle on their own?"

"Yes. Very dainty. Sweets?"

"No. Veggies or meats please. They need to eat good things." He nodded and got them food. Plus some ice water for Stark. Xander paid and tipped him nicely so he left them alone for a bit. "So." He let the kids pick out which one they wanted. Joyceline pouted and tried to toss it but Xander took it back and handed it back. "It's good. It's veggies like Sanara taught you about." She nibbled, humming. He smoothed down her hair. "So, you're Tony Stark."

"And you're Xander Harris."

"I do try," he agreed with a grin. "Lunch?"

"Later. It's too hot to eat."

"They got up at sunrise thanks to Joyceline."

"I guess some kids would." He sipped his water, watching the kids. "You know they got caught handling the last battle." Xander nodded. "So did you."

"Yup, but they still consider me normal so they're ignoring I exist." He smirked a tiny bit. "That and Willow is back thinking I'm stupid again." He sipped his tea and nibbled on a bite of food. One of the boys held up his with a smile. "Thank you, Jesse. That's very nice of you to share." He fed him some of his, making the baby smile. "This is Jesse, Joyceline, Arlin, and Henry."

"They're good looking kids." Stark took another sip then leaned forward. "I can give her a good education and a lot of security."

"Until you get hurt doing something huger than I do, Stark. I get banged up and occasionally really hate head injuries. You nearly died during your last one."

"I can make sure she's safe with someone combat trained to watch over her."

"I can disappear into the bush and it's really hard to find me if I do. Even for teleporting demons." He looked over and scowled. The demon laid down a package then left. Xander opened it, frowning. "The local slayer's having problems." He tucked it into the back of the stroller. "I'll talk to her when we break for a few hours." He looked at the staring officer, waving him over and pulling his ID. "I'm in to check on our local girl. She's stationed here," he said quietly. The officer sighed. "That one just told me she's had problems."

"He was peaceful?"

"Yes, he was."

"Thank you." He nodded. "Do the higher ones know?"

Xander grinned. "You've seen the battle in LA?" He shuddered but nodded. "Thanks to last year's apocalypse battle, all the slayers were called. She's protecting her own people, as most are. I'll gladly talk to the higher ups in the city tonight if they wish. The local Council person here is an idiot." The officer smiled. "Let me finish eating and talking to him about a mutual contact then we'll go back to our hotel." He showed him his key. "We'll go find her on the way there so maybe three hours?"

"That would be fine. I can tell them that." He left after a nod at Stark.

Xander put his key and ID case back. "Sorry, the local guy is a stupid idiot," he said quietly. "He's sold the local slayer's address to someone. Who isn't trying to hurt her." He pulled out his phone, calling her. "It's your new watcher," he said in greeting. "Yes, it's me, Mara. I'm in a café on the north side of the market. I just got information that your old watcher sold your home address. I am there, yes. Please do. I need to meet you, go over things to make sure you have all the information you need, and see later on if we need to evacuate you. Thanks." He hung up. "She'll be here in about a half hour." He ate another bite of fluffy pastry with veggies. He handed ones down for the kids. They all nibbled and got cuddly since it was warm and they were sleepy.

"What if she needs evacuated?" Stark asked.

"That depends on the meeting later tonight as well. There's a few larger regional houses and we have agreements with them. That's up to her, her family, and the locals having a fit about slayers. Because we've had to evacuate a few for their own safety."

Stark nodded. "I've seen that." The waiter came to refill glasses. "Thank you."

Xander smiled. "Thank you." He nodded and left. Xander checked, putting the hood over the stroller so the kids were in the shade again. "You guys rest." He looked at Stark. "I don't want my daughter to be raised as some princess in a tower. I want her to grow up happy, content, well adjusted, able to protect herself, and knowing that her parents love her more than anything. Not in some off-site location so she's safe and where she never sees her parents." He sipped his tea. "I'm not against a good education later but right now she needs cuddles and stories and love."

"I get that," Stark agreed. "Your life isn't any safer and I doubt you could give it up, the same as I can't."

"I have a lot of people I can trust to watch her for me. Including a whole coven of people. I'll gladly let her visit you and your friend that is probably having a lot of girlish outrage over this stuff. I'm not giving up custody."

"I can fight you."

"I can remove us to a safer realm where I won't have to fight. Where we can put up a farm and all that." He stared at him. "I can get a way to bring the girls up there to train them." He looked at the feeling of someone walking behind him, smiling. "Morning, Mara." He handed over that information as she sat. "This is Mr. Stark. We're meeting over where I found some kids. Including mine."

She looked then at him. "They're adorable but tiny. Buffy's been having fits on the bulletin board."

"Willow's decided all men are bad again."

"I saw." She smiled. "They've done this before."

"Those sort?" She looked and grimaced. She shook her head. "Okay. One of the officers asked me to talk to the higher ups later tonight. Do you feel comfortable coming to that?"

"Turkey is secular but getting uptight in areas."

He nodded. "We had to remove two from Iran," he said dryly. "And one from Saudi."

She nodded. "I've heard from them. I'm hoping this area will be safe for me."

"I hope so too. The local watcher got my foot up his butt earlier for being one of the old liners that won't change."

"Good. I avoid him." He grinned. She grinned back. "We can talk to them. It would be nice to have people to help me when I have to hunt."

"It's always great to have backup. I train most of the village when I train the girls in Africa. The ones in England trained parts of MI-5 to back her up. The ones in Paris are presently being ignored hard."

She nodded. "I heard. We do love the bulletin board." He grinned. "I'm glad Andrew set it up."

"Me too. You girls need all the support you can get." He handed over the plate of food, letting her nibble. "These are my four."

"Buffy's still heaving a fit."

"Buffy can bark, Mara. I've told her and Willow both that."

"So have most of us. Including that you won't turn into your father or anyone like that."

"No, I hardly ever drink. I'm not turning into the violent drunk. She's the addict, not me." She grinned. "Stark, let's move this to my hotel room?"

"Agreed," he said. He looked at her. "We can escort you."

"That's fine. I'm a modern woman."

"And I'm still the Slayer's Knight," Xander said dryly. "I had one I had to get from Guinea." She shuddered. "Yeah. She's been on there?"

"A few times. She praised you saving her." They cleaned up and Xander took the rest of the food with them for the kids to nibble on later. They cleaned up the table and nodded at the waiter before walking off. Someone scowled at her so Xander scowled back. "He is a relative," she shot back. The woman huffed off. "I hate their ways are getting more common."

"We all do," Stark agreed. Xander nodded. He looked. "I can push."

"If you want," Xander agreed. He let him push the stroller for him while he went over what she had of the modern books. When they got there, there was an officer waiting and he called in that the slayer was there. Xander nodded, patting him on the arm. They went up to the room, leaving the door open for her protection. Pepper Potts came in while they were waiting and cooed over the sleeping kids. Xander grinned at her. "They'll be up in about a half-hour. They only nap about an hour at a time."

"That's cute of them," she said, sitting down. "You're a hard man to find anything about, Mr. Harris."

Xander smiled. "Often. It's probably a good thing." A man wearing a uniform walked in. "Excuse us for a few. We have to go over slayer things if you and Mr. Stark wanted to sit and talk." She nodded, taking the playpen off to the side with Tony. He waved him in. "Come in, Captain?" The man nodded, shutting the door. "I'm Xander Harris, I'm the training watcher over the girls in Africa." He stood up to shake his hand. "The local watcher is an idiot who goes on the old ways. He's tried to hurt her a few times from what I heard so I showed up to check on her." He sat down. "Please, sit. We can talk about her duty and how your people can help her if they want to."

"We would like to handle most of it. Women shouldn't have to fight."

Xander nodded. "Every single one of us who's in the *new* Council want to take the duty from the girls so they're normal and have great lives. It's not something we can do."

"As I understand," he agreed. He looked at her. "We knew someone was hunting the vampire enclave we have."

"I've had a few club hunts but they're hiding outside the city. As I'm not allowed to drive yet, I've done what I could. My father knows of my duty and he hates it but knows it's my choice to take it up and protect my people instead of just my own family."

"That is a decision each of the girls has to make for herself," Xander agreed. "And you're more than allowed to change it at a later date. Go to college, have a family, all that."

The police captain nodded. "That is sensible. We would still like to help her with it."

She smiled. "Backup is always appreciated. Your people can get places I can't because I'm female."

The captain smiled and nodded. "There's that as well."

"I can leave training materials for her to go over with whoever you decide can back her up," Xander said. "Including finding them someone to help them learn how to use a sword and a stake."

The captain nodded. "That would be appreciated."

Xander got up, coming over to adjust one of the kids in the playpen. Then he went to his bag and came up with three books. "These are the three main books we train the girls with when they wish to stay at home. There's special cases that no one hardly ever sees and we have numbers for her to call to find out about if you get one of those strange things. This one is on the lower demons from other realms," he said, handing that one over.

"The vampires, the immigrant demons from other realms, all that. Most of them are peaceful. The local community is very hidden but peaceful and ancient. This is the book on the various summoned sort of demons. They're usually harder to fight, sometimes take some strange skills or unsummoning. In the back is a list of priests, pastors, and three imams who deal with such things." He handed over the third. "This is a battle manual for the various things that we've seen, how we've handled it, and the unusual things we've had crop up.

"One in particular is probably going to be of interest as we're trying to block some guy in Cypriot from Ascending." He turned to that one so they could see it. "He's on the sixth step out of nine for his version. There's a whole book on the seven ways of turning into a rather large pure demon. This one's doing this sort and all of them die by their heads coming off. Just, some are larger than others. The smallest is about forty feet. The largest is close to a hundred." He grinned. "We blew up a high school to kill one."

He looked that over. "Is he able to be taken out?"

"Yes. Up until his last hundred days, when he'll be immortal. On the website we have set up for the slayers, there's a whole section on Ascending demons that she can look at to get the various steps and rituals so you can keep track. The website has all this and more. These are for traveling lightly with reference materials and those areas where there's no computers."

The captain smiled. "That makes much sense."

"We try, the new Council does try." He nodded. He looked at her. "You can call your dad if you want."

"He's pouting. My sister's getting married soon," she said. "If I did, she'd accuse me of trying to steal her attention again."

"Girls fight," Xander said with a nod and a funny look. "The main house is like a sorority and they're always fighting over something. Andrew threatened to film it and sell it the last time they got into a real one." She laughed. "Sixteen girls in one house."

The captain shook his head. "I cannot even imagine."

Xander smiled. "That's why I'm the trainer in Africa." He burst out laughing, clapping Xander on the shoulder. "We are open to hiring local people to be their watchers and helpers for the girl if you know someone who really likes to research and fight."

"I will consider that and talk to the head person over that."

"That would be Rupert Giles. Don't talk to the library ghosts. A few of them are still stuck in the supposedly glorious old ways." He heard the babies fuss and looked back. "That's an 'I need to sit up to burp' from Arlin, Stark." He looked at him again. "I just got custody of my kids."

"That makes much sense. We can work on that and with her." He looked at her, getting a nod. "We will work it out with your father?"

"Please." Xander handed over his card. "I'll call if I have problems instead of Watcher Corlin."

Xander shuddered. "His nephew is in England. He got fired for trying to snatch a baby slayer from her family and then got beaten nearly to death by the demon underground there protecting her. We have good relations with most of the peaceful communities in the world."

"I admire that approach," he agreed. "Will we have a new regional watcher?"

"I'm trying really hard. If you know of one, suggest he meet Rupert. We've got just about a hundred people to fill in where three thousand assholes were." The captain nodded. "So yes, we've hired spouses, we've hired backup hunters, and others. So yes, if you find one who'd like it, talk to Rupert. We've got the training for watchers down to about a year's worth of studying."

"I shall." He shook his hand. "Let me escort her home."

Xander laid a hand on his. "The Council has had to remove some slayers for their own health." He gave him a pointed look. "Should it happen, if you call us we'll come get her and help her get somewhere safer. I'm well aware of why we had to move a baby slayer from Saudi Arabia."

"We would hate to see such things but I know some are like that. We will gladly help her be evacuated."

Xander smiled. "Thank you." He shook his hand. Then he kissed her on both cheeks. "You, be safe. Call me for reports if you want to." She nodded and let the captain take her to talk to her father. Xander sighed, leaning his head back. Then he got up and came back to play with the kids. "Sorry."

"Sometimes you have to handle things," Pepper said.

Xander smiled and nodded. "I seem to do that a lot. It's almost my job description."

She smiled. "I can see that job. I did it for Tony many times." He grinned back. "So, what about her?"

"I don't want her to grow up being the pretty, protected princess in a tower. I want her to grow up to be a real little girl with real little girl ideals and real little girl plots for her future. Preferably without her hunting or being part of the Council."

"We'd like her to be safe," Pepper said.

Xander nodded. "I agree. I also realize that both of our career choices come with some risk of bad guys just suddenly showing up without warning. Mine are usually a lot easier to deal with than Loki. Though I did smack the living shit out of his high priest recently for trying to grope me."

"He has a high priest down here?" Stark demanded.

"Yeah. He's got three. Yolanda, Y'bara, and the dumbass Harold." He grimaced then shrugged.

"What if they start to swear?" Pepper asked.

He grinned at her. "They're going to be taught there's words they cannot say until they're adults. Or until they defeat their first enemy. Swearing and certain phrases to summon slayers are among those."

She nodded. "That seems reasonable."

"I'm swearing a lot less now. I spent the first day after being told to show up where they were made swearing in the jeep. I'm pretty sure some chaos god had to wipe off his ears with the way I was swearing at them."

"You drive a jeep?" she asked.

"I drove a jeep. I've switched it out for a fairly older Range Rover that has air conditioning."

"That's a better vehicle choice," she agreed. "Safer." He nodded. "I'm worried that your job will get her injured. All of them really."

"I'm worried the same way about his jobs, both of them. Because I've seen some greatly huge lab accidents that got reported blowing up the building."

Pepper winced. "I try not to," Stark said.

Xander looked at him. "And yet you did it not three days ago." Stark scowled at him. Xander grinned. "We knew about SHIELD. I did a pretty thorough background check on all the fathers through them. It's not your fault, it's the fault of the people that picked us all. They wanted better soldiers. We're all that sort of guy. Some of us jumped in because they took someone very close to us and the supernatural made their own war, and some of us did it when we found out we were a pawn."

Stark nodded. "Basically."

Pepper cleared her throat. "The demons took someone close to you?"

"He was like my twin in some ways. A vampire turned him." She nodded, looking at the kids. "Jesse's named after him." He grinned at her. "I was sixteen." She slumped. "We all do what we have to do when the time comes. I'm not against you guys having visitation or even partial custody but you're not taking her from me. Not you guys or the other fathers."

"There's other embryos, and you're, what, twenty-five?" Stark asked.

Xander looked at him. "I'm not fertile, Mr. Stark, I haven't been fertile for years. I'm really shocked they got past that to make them. So unless I use some of those stored embryos, they're my only hope of a family. Frankly, I'm pretty sure most of the other parents of those embryos are probably pretty horrified and will want to destroy them. Which I don't blame them for. It's a huge shock."

"Injury?" Pepper asked.

"Non-inherited genetic malformation," Xander said. Stark opened his mouth. "Long story short, there was a problem going on that was changing people into black, slimy creatures back in high school. I went to figure out why. After a full blood transfusion I'm human but I have a few extra chromosomes that I've been told would make it impossible to breed."

"Something like what Dr. Banner went through?" Pepper guessed.

"Mermaids." He grinned. "Our swim coach *really* wanted to win. Who would've guessed the sauna did it to us."

"Mer..." Tony started then shook his head quickly. "Okay." Xander grinned. "Seriously?"

"Yup."

"Can that be fixed?" Tony asked.

"No. Dr. Banner and I talked about that one night when I was getting him to rest after helping most of a village I had just driven into and helped save." He tipped his head up then grinned at her. "He might still think I was a hallucination. He thought I was the next morning when one of the village ladies asked him if I had been helpful to him."

"I'll have to ask Bruce about that," Stark said, staring at him. "How do you do that?"

Xander shrugged. "No clue. Willow used to think I was a probability generator. Now she's back to thinking I'm *normal*, useless, and warping. She and Buffy take those moods. It's why I don't talk to the nagging ones all that often."

"What if you took over training girls somewhere closer to visitation range?" Pepper asked.

"Two small problems. One, no one in the present Council can get to some of the girls. Most of them can't figure out how to travel when it doesn't include first class tickets. Buffy barely managed to get to Bermuda once for a vacation and she had flown before. Roughing it, there's not a chance. Secondly, it'd get me back in range of the nagging which means I'd end up punching someone a whole lot and then I'd get yelled at, fired, and ending up handling things on my own like usual." He grimaced but shrugged. "There's been times I've missed tv, microwave dinners that you only have to go to the freezer for, and candy bars being really close at hand. Unfortunately I'm about the only one who could make it to the backwoods areas of the world. The other one's in Asia."

"If someone like SHIELD had a few agents that wanted to get hired on, could that help?" Pepper asked.

"Yes and no. The girls won't trust them. We're called to it, one way or another. Either it affected us, the old lines were all hereditary, or they're called as slayers. Guys like you guys want to save the world but ours is a constant battle. Even on the minor nights we patrol. The girls in villages patrol the villages overnight. In cities they patrol the places where we've seen activity and in cemeteries to get the vamps as they come up." He shifted, picking up Jesse since he was fussy.

He burped him and he belched then grinned and snuggled in. "I know, you get gas really easy." He looked at them. "We all know to take time off for fun nights, that's why most houses have more than one slayer assigned. That and if it's something huge, they have backup. We'd love to have more backup, but we're probably not going to trust agents doing that. To them it's an annoying job, not the calling we have."

"It's like being a priest vs being a telepreacher," Stark said. Xander nodded. "Some guys would love to step in."

"And we welcome the backup. We've also been burned before. Thanks to that one program we closed, we had Riley Finn helping for a while." He rolled his eye. "He cheated on Buffy and undermined the team a lot. So did the vampires we worked with at times, because to them it was fun usually."

"You worked with vampires?" Pepper asked.

Xander nodded. "Two of them. One was under a soul curse, and the other one that project put a behavior chip in his head so he couldn't hurt humans. Then he ended up with a soul implanted later on."

She gaped then shook her head with a groan. "Oh, that's so wrong."

"Gypsies did the first one's soul curse way back when because he ate the wrong daughter," Xander said. "Willow just restuck it. Spike took his because he thought he loved Buffy. I'm told they both died during the thing in LA recently." She slumped. He stared at her. "I spent years staking people I used to know. Vampires like them younger so they looked better to hunt for food. They picked on the high school and the college kids." Stark shook his head, looking at his daughter. "While I'd love to go to a normal house with some of the girls, it's not looking like it'll happen anytime soon."

"What about the kids?" Pepper asked.

"Hopefully by the time they realize why I am sometimes injured or wonder about the missing eye I'll have trained a protege to take over for me. Yeah, I've already done paperwork that if I'm seriously injured or killed, the kids go to their other parents. I've filed that with the demon courts, there's a copy in Cleveland's courts, and I keep one in the glovebox with a copy of who their other fathers are."

"I can make sure she's always protected. They all can be."

Xander stared at him. "Then I'd never get to see them. And you can't guarantee someone won't come for them to use against you two. You're in the same position I am only you've got more tech and a faster way to travel. Some day I'll have to give up this life and retire. Are you willing to do the same thing?"

Stark slowly shook his head. "You'd still jump in if the end of the world was coming. The same as I would." Xander nodded. "We're both screwed then."

"Yup," Xander agreed. He smiled. "I'm willing to work things out. I'm not being mean. I'll gladly share her with you. Or all of them if you want to visit the other three. The kids could all use great role models." Stark looked at him. "I'll gladly share her with you but I'm going to be there."

"I get that," Pepper agreed. "I'm not sure how we'd get her back and forth from the backwoods of Africa."

"There are planes," Xander said with a grin. "I can maybe ask for a favor now and then to teleport her to you."

"That sounds really dangerous," Pepper said.

"Are there others that know about this mystical bullshit?" Tony demanded.

"Yeah. Including a sorcerer that SHIELD knows about. He hates Willow like hell. Thinks I'm playing and that it's his job to handle these things. Then again he can't handle things like we do. I'm pretty sure he showed up in LA and got knocked out by a slayer. The bulletin board had a few girls complaining about him nagging them about their duty. I really need to introduce him to people who can explain things to him." He sent a text message, getting an agreement back. "One of the demon councils can explain to him why there's more powerful magic users down here and how he's being a dick."

"Do the kids talk?" Pepper asked. "I've only heard cooing."

"They weren't interested in teaching them to talk," Xander told her. "I've been working on it." She nodded. "I just really need to make sure that was their only lab and they're not going to get to try again. Otherwise I will raise that one embryo that's half mine and Andrew's to defeat them. His power of geek and mine? She'll take over the world." He grinned at Stark.

"I've researched Mr. Wells." Xander laughed. "Yeah.... The other two?"

Xander lost the humor. "Willow killed Warren when he killed her girlfriend. That's when she was grieving and nearly suicidal. Andrew got tricked into killing Jonathan by the First Evil."

"Poor guy," Pepper said. Xander nodded. "At least he's found a good spot to heal from and move on."

"I'm hoping they're treating him good," Xander said. "I have no idea. I don't talk to the main house all that often."

She nodded. "I can see why. We did talk to Willow." He snorted.

"Definitely," Stark agreed. He picked up his daughter, staring at her. She stared back then reached over to pet his hair. "You can do that. I'm your other dad." She grinned and patted harder. He looked at Xander. "I'm not against switching off. What if we're both injured or dead after something?"

"My will gives her to you or whoever your will assigns. I figure if I'm dead most of the people I work with and would trust with her would be dead too. Otherwise I'd probably give her to Andrew."

Pepper nodded. "That's reasonable. Are they legal everywhere?"

Xander nodded. "As far as I can tell."

"Good." She smiled. "I can make sure his will states something reasonable."

Tony looked at her. "You, Happy, Rhodey." She nodded. "If we have to, Steve."

"I can make that note," she promised. He grinned at the baby. "You're a good girl."

"She tries but now and then she'll lean over to bite Arlin," Xander said. Someone pounded on the door. He got up to answer it, staring at the hotel worker. "Yes?"

"Are you gay?"

"Someone in a lab made me a kid with him," he said with a shrug. "We're settling custody stuff. The US government is in a sneering fit over them doing that. They wanted better soldiers. What better one than the White Knight of Kafka." The guy's eyes went wide. Xander grinned. "So we're working on custody. You can tell the nosy ones that." He nodded, looking down. "You have a good day." He gently closed the door, shaking his head on the way back. "Cuddles, guys?" They let him pick them up to cuddle. Joyceline pouted at him. "Cuddle him. He cuddles really nicely." She cuddled in and waved at Pepper, who smiled and waved back. "I got asked that a few days ago in Oman. The agents that tried to stop me from coming in were horrified that one of the scientists doing this was in their country now doing the same thing." He grinned. "They were real displeased."

"I'm real displeased they're alive," Tony said. Pepper nodded to back that up.

"Me too. Unfortunately I'm not the sort to walk into a lab and start shooting for making me kids. Well, unless it's been a hugely bad week with multiple battles." Stark stared at him. "There's been those weeks."

"We'll babysit those weeks," Pepper said.

Xander smiled. "Thanks. I'll see if the coven can make sure they get to you safely so they don't have to fly." He looked up while touching his pendant. "Hilda? Call me please?" he called. A mirror lit up near them. "Hey."

"Xander, huge problems?"

"Two. I just got asked again if I was a gay daddy." She rolled her eyes. "Secondly, these are Joyceline's other parent and his CEO." She stared at Stark then at him. "Can we make sure if something happens the kids get to him? There's paperwork laying in a few places to give them to the other parents if I fall."

"I can make sure they can be evacuated. You know Willow's still screaming, correct?"

"I know she's whining about things that don't concern her. Not like those science nerds created her kids. I'm pretty sure they decided she's scary again since she tried to curse me and the kids to die by summoning something again yesterday." He stared at her. She winced. "Thankfully it's one that I earned respect from for what I've been doing in Africa. She only cooed over the kids and told me they'd be great Knights some day if they chose."

"It's good they'll have the choice. It means humanity will keep going." She sipped her tea. "We'll talk to the young woman again."

"Can you have her go against that sorcerer guy who thinks he's so hot?" He smirked. "I heard he tried to get into the battle I wasn't recalled for."

"They wanted you and them safe."

Xander grabbed his laptop and sat up, pulling up footage to show her. "This is what I was doing the day before. Without half the slayers in the universe." Hilda stared, eyebrow slowly going up then she threw the cup she had been drinking from. Xander grinned. "So can you set her on that sorcerer guy who thinks it's his job to handle demons when he doesn't outside one class of them?"

"Definitely. It'd be a charming talk we'd all like to witness," another witch said, coming over. "Awww. What did you decide to name them?"

"That's Joyceline with her daddy and this is her daddy's CEO and best friend. That is Arlin, Jesse, and Henry."

"Awww. They're future adorable hellions, Xander."

"I wanted to make sure someone could evacuate them to at least this Daddy. I've got copies of my will and things that hand them to their other parents if I fall."

"We can definitely arrange that. When will you be in range of one of us?"

"Next month when I have to go handle something in Germany?"

"We have that covered with Faith's team. Where are you right now?"

"Istanbul."

She nodded. "We have a coven member down there on vacation to visit her granddaughter while convincing her to come home as the region's so dangerous. I'll have her pop around?"

"I'll be here tomorrow and the next day, pending someone throwing a fit that I have kids," he said, getting up to get that file and answer the door when someone pounded on it. He held up the file. "On the people who made my children for me." He snatched it and read, then groaned. "So I'm working out custody," he said, taking it back with a grin. "I'm a pretty good dad and one of the workers decided me being a good dad made me gay."

"So he said," he complained. "That's fine, Watcher Harris." Xander smiled, letting him see the babies. "They look healthy."

"They are. I'm arranging things so their other parents can have visitation."

"An excellent idea with what you handle. I'll calm them down."

"Thank you. I know one of the scientists was found in Oman. I was there yesterday for a regional watcher meeting." He leaned on the doorway. "I'm told they found him and got *real* mad at him for this sort of thing."

"As would we. Can one of our agents look that over?"

Xander nodded. "I don't want them able to do it again. They found nearly a hundred embryos with my name on them and these four of the ten already born."

The officer shuddered. "Oh, dear."

"Yeah. We'd love to have them not able to do that again."

"Agreed. I'll talk to someone about that." He nodded at Stark and left.

Xander handed over the file. "I'm not sure if you have more than that or not."

"Probably." He looked it over. "We hadn't seen one in Oman. That's got a few extra names."

"Junior scientists."

"That figures," Pepper sighed. Xander picked up the playpen to take the kids to change the smelly things. She looked at the witch. "He does seem well able to handle it."

"He does. We're all happy that Xander has a grounding influence and an anchor so he quits walking into battles." She finished her tea. "I'll have the same witch put the markers on you both so the darling can be gotten to you, Ms. Potts. Let me call her." She hung up and went to talk to that coven member. "Xander really is doing better than we thought he would," she said to the other witch, who nodded back.

Xander came out with the playpen of happy kids, letting them down to crawl around. Joyceline got put onto the floor too and she went to look out the window. "She likes birds."

"I'll warn Barton," he joked.

Xander smiled. "She'd love more fussy people who'd read to her."

"I know a great many fussy people who might like to read to her. Or tell her stories in Thor's case," Pepper said with a smile at the young girl. "What about dressing her like a little girl?"

Xander cleared his throat. "There's places where that would put her into more danger, Ms. Potts," he said quietly. "The ones that found the lab thought they had found that sort and were going to take them out." She nodded but shuddered. "Exactly. When it's more obvious then we'll handle it appropriately for wherever we are. She's not going to be any more or any less than the boys if I can help it. Even if she does love rainbows and kitties, she'll still be taught to defend herself and all that."

"Good. Strong women are needed in today's world." She smiled at the baby that crawled into her leg then grinned at her. "You're adorable, Arlin." He patted her skirt then crawled off to get the food he saw on the table. Xander put it down for them all, turning Jesse around so he spotted it too. The kids settled in to nibble while the adults talked.

***

Xander walked into the village, seeing the upset looks. "What?" he asked, settling the stroller beside where he usually sat. "Did something happen to her?"

"Why do you have children!" one of the women complained.

"Because some idiots decided to make me children without my help. It was me raising them or the idiots who wanted to turn them evil doing it."

She blinked. "Why would they do that?"

"Because they wanted better soldiers." He shrugged. "We're doing okay right now. They're good kids and we're all handling it better."

She stared at him. "You're a man."

"Many men raise their children. What do those who had wives die do?" he asked.

"They get married," another older woman joked. "You could, Xander."

"I can't. Not right now. I'd only marry if I found someone I liked after seeing them for a long time. That's how we do that in the US."

The women both sighed, shaking their heads. They pulled the children over to talk to them with their babies. "They don't speak?"

He grimaced. "The one who made them didn't want them to. We're working on it. They're up to happy babbling at things. Nearly talking. They can walk." The women nodded, pulling them down to play with the other children in the village. The women looked at the single daughter then at him. "She'll be raised just like the boys will and the slayers are. She'll be able to defend herself and all that. Plus be as girly as she wants when she's older."

They smiled, letting their children teach the new ones. They all loved that. Xander settled in to help the older kids learn things while his trainee slayer finally got out of bed.

***

Stark met with the other three fathers of the kids, staring at them. "Have any of you heard from agents? Or someone named Xander Harris?"

One frowned at him. "I know of Xander."

"Have you seen him since he found a lab about a month ago?" Tony asked.

He shook his head. "I haven't." He texted his assistant then sat up, staring at him. "They did *what*?" he demanded.

Tony put up the information. "We're actively looking for these scientists who made us all parents with Mr. Harris." He smirked. "I've met my daughter and we're working on visitation agreements. He said he wanted to keep custody."

"Why is this important?" one asked.

"You have a son," Tony told him. He got growled at. "A crackhead scientist made you a son with this nice guy who battles demons." That one huffed. "Right now he's handling it all right but he was going to let you guys find out and come to him if you wanted to talk about visitation."

The one who knew Xander grimaced. "That is very like Xander. He is noble beyond a fault."

"Do I know of this one?" the other man asked.

"The one who fought that battle last week in Angola," the one who knew Xander said.

He sat up. "The new watcher one?" Tony nodded. "Why would they make children of him?"

"They wanted better soldiers," Tony said dryly.

"Xander is as noble as your coworker in the spangly suit," the one who knew him said. "We have sons?"

"You three have sons, I have a daughter." They nodded. He pointed at each one. "Arlin, Jesse, and Henry."

"I do not like that name," the third one complained.

"The ones who made them didn't name them. Xander named them. Jesse is named after a friend he misses. My daughter's named after a woman who was like a mother to him. Right now, he wants to set up visitation agreements."

The one who knew Xander nodded. "Is that why some of my contacts have been warning about Rosenburg having fits again?"

"She's went on a rampage to take the kids from Xander for some reason. We're not sure why but he seems to be handling it well enough. He has ideas."

"He often does and sometimes they're good ones," the one who knew him said with a smirk. He called him. "Xander, it's Paulo," he said smoothly. He heard the quiet word. "I did find out. You were going to tell me when?" He nodded. "That's a good time, yes. I was going to be there in about two weeks so we could talk in person. I'm with the other fathers as well. Two I know are going to be at that meeting. The other's...not in the life that would be welcome there."

"I have formal paperwork drawn up for my daughter," Tony said.

He nodded, repeating that. He smiled. "That would be darling of you, Xander. Why were you going to be there.... oh, there is? When?" He made a note and slid it over to the man on his right. "All right, that makes sense. Were the children going to watch you blow up that one?" He smiled. "That would be a good time to take visitation, yes. We will work that out with you when we get there in two weeks. Thank you for trying to not shock us, Xander. No, we're not having fits.

"Though we want to know everything about who did this." Tony slid over a folder. "Mr. Stark has it. Excellent. We'll see you all in two weeks." He hung up, taking the file to look over. "Hmm. Two have been captured. The rest are somewhere and I recognize one's name as someone who is employed by Denmark." The others took the file to look over. He looked at Stark. "I can bring the custody papers with me if you wish."

"I wouldn't mind. What's going on now?"

"He found out someone else is ascending and I'm told that's a horrible thing," the one who knew Xander said bluntly. "He's got to handle it since he's in his immortal phase."

"I looked at the slayer's website. That's a really nasty thing. They have film from the one at his graduation."

Paulo nodded. "I've seen. Thanks anyway." He looked at the others. "He was going to show up at the meeting in a few weeks to talk to us. He knew I'd be there and he expected at least one of you two to be there." They nodded. "They're all under two years old. They're not verbal from what he said, but that was because they didn't want them to be mouthy like Xander is. They found others," he said, staring at Stark.

Who smirked and pulled up that file on who the other kids had as parents. "Plus embryos. A lot of embryos."

Paulo stared at the list, then nodded once. "My older brother is going to not save me any to destroy."

"Neither will Heiners," the third one sighed.

Paulo nodded. "That's my older brother." Stark grinned. "Thank you for breaking the news gently, Mr. Stark. I'll gladly carry those papers to him."

"Avoid Rosenburg," he warned quietly. "She's still throwing fits about Xander having kids."

"It's a good piece of life advice anyway," Paulo said. "She's a bit...odd." He stood up. "If you'll send me those papers I'll bring them with me. Thank you for informing us gently. I can only imagine the screaming that'll be coming."

Stark handed over an envelope. "Thank you. Pepper was charmed with them."

"She's a very womanly woman. Kids do that to their minds," the second one said, leaving with the information. He went back to his agency. The other two went to talk to their minions. He walked into his row and glared at his boss. "We have to talk. Now." Gibbs nodded, following him to the elevator. He handed over the file. "Someone made me a son, Boss. Some weird little scientist that the Army didn't manage to lock up made me a son with one of the Council people."

Gibbs looked at that file then at him. "Can we find them?"

"He's got the kids. All four. Stark told me. Us. Harris is offering visitation but he wants custody."

"Harris?"

"He's the missing one. He's the guy training the slayers in Africa and why Rosenburg went back to Devon in chains and sedated."

"Okay," Gibbs said, nodding. "Who is handling this?"

"I don't know. Is that in there?"

"No." He looked at him. "Can you ask Stark which agents are overseeing it?" Tony called his office to talk to Ms. Potts since she knew. She told him who had the embryos, who had the other files, and that Xander was a good man but a bit hopeful about raising four kids in the bush. He thanked her and hung up. "SHIELD."

Gibbs blinked then nodded. "Weird terrorism things are their job." They went down to the car lot and headed for the parking lot. Gibbs got in to drive. Tony read the file over again on the way to their fancy, shiny building. They got escorted in and to a higher office when they showed they had a file of theirs. "You are?" Gibbs demanded.

He smirked. "I'm Director Nick Fury, Special Agent Gibbs and DiNozzo. What's happened that brought NCIS to our office?" Tony tossed the file onto the desk. "Oh, that clusterfuck." He stared at him. "Your name's on one of the embryos?"

"My name's on a DNA test to a kid named Arlin. Plus some embryos."

"Oh, that group." Fury grimaced but nodded. "Harris is a good man. He's a lot like one of mine."

"Who did this?" Gibbs demanded calmly. "I think we'd like to talk to them. Especially if they were military."

"Some were Army from a special project. They're in jail for real this time. Last time a few got shadow sentences and a new lab." Fury looked outside then at them. "The rest are agents in other countries that we're still trying to figure out what they were thinking. Their higher ups are very confused. We did confiscate the embryos. We're taking disposal orders if you want us to. If not, we can coordinate handing them to a storage facility of your choice. People have tried to pressure us about them but it hasn't worked yet."

Tony took a calming breath then nodded. "Why me?"

"No clue," Fury said. "All we can find out is that they wanted to build better soldiers. As far as we know they didn't do any tampering outside of taking out a genetic instability of Harris'. He got exposed to a bit of demon blood when he was younger and it added a chromosome," he said at the hard looks.

"Good to know," Gibbs said. "Does he know?"

"Yeah. He thought he couldn't have kids before this. He's really happy to be a dad. He's said he's willing to set up visitation."

Tony grimaced. "I'm not sure how that'll work with him in Africa and me here in DC."

"Neither's he," Fury admitted. "I can give you information on him. He said he didn't mind when an agent asked him about giving it to the other fathers."

Gibbs nodded. "That'd be appreciated. How many others know?"

"Your director tried to get them from us," Fury said dryly, smirking at him. "I told her to go sit in a corner and grow the fuck up."

Tony laughed. "Thanks."

"Welcome. Agent Hill would've ripped her head off. She doesn't like women pretending to have authority and power getting in her face."

A woman leaned in. "Harris just called in a vision. During the next eclipse in three days we have a human going ascending demon."

"Who had it?" Fury demanded, turning to his computer.

"Him."

"Since when did he have visions!" Fury demanded, standing up to stare at her.

"Since his eye got popped. This is his fourth one and the other three were right, Director. He's handling the one that's turning down there a few hours later when it hits there." Fury grimaced. "He said it's not a member of Congress but someone in the power behind them, he wasn't sure but that's what he saw." Fury grimaced but nodded. "He also reported seeing something about Spain, he thinks. He said it looked like a postcard of Spain he saw online once. That one's a summoning, not an ascending one, and probably just about as nasty."

"He's not sure it's Spain?" Fury asked.

"He's never been to Spain or seen anything on Spain outside that postcard. Not like his family traveled, sir," she said. "He laid over in England and then Italy on his way to Africa."

"Great." He stared at her. "Can we corroborate?"

"The description of the one here is being searched. By the description we have three possibles so far but another hour for it to finish searching the DMV files. The one in Spain they were in robes and he couldn't see anyone. He saw the rite. We've contacted Mr. Giles and he's in 'oh, dear Lord' land while he looks it up because it sounded familiar yet horrible."

Fury grimaced but nodded. "The one down there?"

"He heard late. In the immortal times."

"He said he was handling that after the arms dealer meeting the others were going to soon," Tony said.

Hill nodded. "That's not the same timeline."

"Is the eclipse here the same as it is there?" Tony asked. "I know they happen in a certain area of the world."

She turned her head. "Someone look up when the eclipses in Africa and here in the US are," she called. "I need a list for the rest of this year." One got printed off the web for her. She came in reading it, handing it over. "We're due one in three days. They're due one in about a month. The ascension page lists a hundred days of immortality to make the final change."

"What's an ascension and can we help?" Gibbs asked.

She looked at them. "It's the nastiest thing you'll hopefully ever see, Special Agent Gibbs."

"It's a human turning into a large demon," Fury said. "So it can eat people, get stronger, and gather more power."

"You have to blow off the head," Hill said.

"Is he planning on bringing the kids near there?" Tony demanded.

"No. He's not planning on bringing any of the slayers or the kids with him. He's told the local military so they can plan to handle it," Hill said. "He'll be watching in case they need more help or something else shows up with the two senior slayers in Africa. The kids will probably be in the car and will coo at the weapons. They're his kids and he does like weapons." She walked off.

"The boy ran into an arms dealer, won three pieces of artillery at poker, took them outside that night, and blew up the demon showing up to try to take souls," Fury told them. "Then he kept the one he didn't use to pet and keep until they needed it. The arms dealer gave him a few more in thanks. Then they screwed like wild dogs from what we were told."

Gibbs shook his head. "The boy's insane."

"As he put it, they made their own war with him and now he's going to finish it," Fury said. "The boy reminds me a lot of some of mine." He nodded at the agent in the doorway. "What?"

"Priority call from the field, sir. Would only talk to you." Fury nodded, putting on his headset and walking off to take it in the hallway. He smiled at the agents. "Should I get you two coffee?"

"Hopefully we won't need too much more time," Gibbs said. "We know you guys are busy, just like we are at NCIS." Fury stomped back in. "We can go over the boy later if you need us to," he offered.

"Same kid just found a dirty agent," Fury said. He typed into his system, looking up the file he had been told to look at. It was locked to him by his own ID. He couldn't break it.

Gibbs and Tony stood up. "We'll come back when things are solved," Tony said. "Thank you for the help, Director."

Fury looked at them. "Just let Harris stay calm. If he panics he's promised to take the kids off realm to protect them from everyone."

"We can do that," Gibbs said. "Thank you." They left, going to talk in the car.

Fury got back to looking at that very wrong file and what had caused it. He didn't want dirty agents in his agency.

***

Xander walked his stroller up to a man he had seen on tv, nodding at the general beside him. "Thank you." He shook his hand. Then he looked at the man. "Did he tell you who I am?"

"You're our local watcher. We're having a problem soon I know."

"There's a bigger problem that's been seen by some of us. Unfortunately I have no way of contacting the people who could stop it." He pulled out a file to hand to him. "That has to get to the US Vice President, because the President himself is compromised by the same people, as well as a lot of US agents, or it has to get to Director Nick Fury of SHIELD. Unfortunately the ones who made the kids for me are sleeper agents in the US." The general gave him an odd look. Xander showed him the file on the kids. "I found one's new lab and questioned him before your people came to get him for me. They're restarting a bad group that was part of World War II. They were going to use the kids to breed better soldiers and then use the same formula they used on Captain America on them."

"I thought he was propaganda," that president said.

Xander pulled up a file to show them. "They found him. He was basically cryogenically frozen. SHIELD brought him back." The president moaned. "I don't particularly want to do this information this way, but there's no other real choice. The order to use my sperm came from the US president. Directly. That lab's able to be stripped of information but the worse thing is they're playing with mystical forces. The same thing that started the invasion in New York? It's in their hands. In Europe."

"So if we can't stop them we're going to have another battle like that," the general said.

"Worse. From what I've seen a good quarter of every US agency is dirty to the same people. They've been planning hard. They have weapons of mass destruction. I'm not sure which ones though." That got a nod. "It has to get to Nick Fury at SHIELD or the US VP. Or both if you can." He looked down at the sleepy kids then at him. I tried to send information at a sideways path and they're blocked too. The phone line got mysteriously cut when I called to talk about my daughter with the other father."

"I can diplomatically call," the president said. "Thank you for trying to keep this down."

"I don't want to see World War II being called back with aliens this time." He nodded. "Thank you." He walked the kids off. He had to get the slayers out of harm's way.

The general nodded, escorting the president back to his office to call. Nick Fury wasn't near a phone somehow. The US VP was sick at home in bed. The general started to look into their people to see who might be compromised. It turned out they had a lot of them and they tried to attack them. Xander showed up to help them, then faded off into the night.

***

Willow appeared in front of Stark that night. "Xander found information that there's a ton of dirty agents," she said in greeting. She tossed over the keydrive. He ran it. "Including the ones surrounding you and your teammates. He tried to call earlier and they cut off the contact." Tony grimaced. "They have some sort of mass weapon."

"I can tell that," he said, looking at her. "Are your girls moved?"

She shook her head. "Why would we?"

"Because the way that works is they can focus the weapon on hundreds of people every second, Rosenburg. Your girls are in their way." She nodded, stiffening up. "Get them to a security fall back."

"I can do that. Can you spread that?"

"Yes I can." She disappeared. He started with one. "Cap, Stark. Come home now. We just found out most of your team are dirty agents. They're there to take you out. They're reviving HYDRA. Trust Natasha and no one else. Your second-in-command Rumslow is a section leader of HYDRA." He got a grunt back then Steve hit something. "SHIELD's covered in deep shit right now and I'm seeing names from other agencies. Be safe and be crafty." He hung up and called another number. "Hill, come see me now. Yes it's damn important. Like you guys have a ton of dirty agents thanks to HYDRA restarting? Up to the US president, Hill. Right now would be good." He hung up and saved the files to a few places then hid the rest of them. He had hidden archives no one could get to. The last file on the drive made him stare. //Do not start Ultron. It's a trap like Hal.// "Hmm." He saved that too.

***

Xander looked at the member of the coven he was SKYPEing. "Mystical artifacts are in evil hands," he said.

She grimaced. "So dramatic suddenly?"

"The staff, the glowy one that Loki had, it's in Nazi hands. Someone restarted HYDRA. Or they've just been hidden. It's been taken from SHIELD. It's in Europe and I don't know where. They've got some sort of weapon that can target thousands at a time to remove them. We're all on the list." She grimaced but nodded. "If they have Loki's staff and that thing, what do you think will happen?"

"Another invasion?"

"For their benefit."

"Can you pinpoint it?"

"A lab. I know it's Europe and the head guy sounded German. He was fondling it but had gloves on."

She nodded. "We can do a searching. That staff should leave a huge energy spike."

"Take all the precautions you have, ladies. They were starting with the mystical back then too." She nodded and hung up. He sighed and called someone else. "I hate you but you're a good tool since Loki's staff is somewhere bad. The witches might need help."

"Pleasure to see you as well," she said. "How nice of you to call."

"Cut the shit, Melinda. SHIELD's core rotted with HYDRA. They have Loki's staff." She winced. "The US president is rotten. He was behind making me kids." He grinned. "I doubt those embryos are still in SHIELD's lab."

"I can check. I have a direct line to Fury."

"Until they take him out." She winced again. "Call Mystra. I laid all the information on her to hide but it's not the only copy. The girls are moving. The witches are moving. We're talking a quarter of all agents are dirty. Plus at least half of your people."

She nodded. "Understood. I'll get that from her or whoever as soon as I hang up. What are you doing?"

"I'm going to be an asshole," he said with a grin then hung up. He went to talk to a contact with the kids. The dwarf stared at him oddly. "I need to call in that favor you owe me." He put the kids in front of him. "Someone's got Loki's staff. Someone evil. They're going after mystical artifacts."

"We can help you gather them."

"They'd destroy you."

"They could. That one especially if rumors are true about what it is."

"I can get it. I can get the Staff of Anger thingy that's broken apart. I can't do that with my children with me. Can you watch them and have your clansmen watch the slayers?"

"Yes. That is a worthy quest. There will be many battles to earn honor in."

"With the slayers? Yup. It won't take me over two days," Xander said. "I have help." He grinned. He handed over the diaper bag. "Papers are in there in case I die." The dwarf nodded, taking the children to his house. Xander armed himself from his supplies and looked up. "Favor's due," he called. "And it's this or the world all dies." The demon appeared. "You heard?"

"I did. I can get you there but it's not that simple."

Xander checked his guns. "I know." He pulled out a few goodies and held them up, making the demon moan. "I can't let that fall into bad hands. Not the Council's, not anyone's."

"Agreed. Are you ready?"

"Yes." They took him to the first section of the Staff of Anger. Xander found it easily enough and could handle the rage. The other parts as well. That helped him when he landed at that base to get the staff. He was tired but it was a necessary thing and he had fought worse battles while exhausted. He nodded at someone he recognized. "Don't mind me. It's too dangerous to leave in mortal hands."

"The glowy stick of destiny?" Clint joked.

"Yup." He beat another guard and they moved forward. Xander grabbed it away from Clint. "If you touch it, it can summon him back to take you over again," he warned. Around him a breeze was cropping up. "No. We're not going to talk to Thanos and I'm not going to let that happen." He looked up. "Fuck you." He looked around then at Clint. He used the staff to destroy the base and anyone who wasn't a victim or innocent of HYDRA's crimes. That left a few victims. He nodded at them. "Guys, go with Clint. He can get you somewhere safe." He looked at Clint. "When Thor gets back, I'll give it to him. For now, it's going to protect the slayers." He bowed and left. The three high priests were waiting on him. "We're protecting the innocent and the slayers. Not even chaos gods want HYDRA in charge. Even Loki wouldn't like them."

"Yes, Sire," one said, looking at him. "Is that a...."

"Don't ask. I need to go rescue the kids' sitters. They're being watched by some dwarves I know. My kids will seriously warp them." He went to gather them, smiling at the staring dwarf. "How bad were they?"

"They were angelic, Xander. Are you sure you want to keep that?"

"It'll protect the slayers. When Thor gets here I'll give it to him." He grinned and disappeared with the kids. "Ah." He settled in, calling a slayer to him. He stared at her. "Tell them I'm protecting from the outside. Tell Willow to quit tracking me because they can track her back." She nodded, biting her lip. "Go." She ran off to go back to them. A demon contact took her and nodded at Buffy when they landed. Xander relaxed. "Okay, people, let's hunker down. This is tragically stupid in the making even if they don't destroy the US." They nodded.

***

Clint got back to the base. "I ran into Harris. He captured Loki's staff to protect the slayers."

Stark looked at him. "What?"

"He also said if touched it, it'd summon Loki back. He'll hand it to Thor when this is done."

Stark dropped his pencil. "He can't hope to use it."

"He can. It's got an independent power source by what they found out. We also have victims that I got to someone I trust to be safe." He let Stark have the paperwork. "He had some other artifact that made him stronger but mad."

"Like losing his mind?" Stark asked.

"No, like he should've Hulked out."

"Great," he said. "Okay." He looked that over, finding something. "Who is Grant Ward and why are they counting on him to take out a Cavalry?"

"Cavalry is Agent May's codename. She's another of Coulson's trainees." He called her. "It's Barton. We have new intel and HYDRA is using Ward to control you." He listened. "Is that...." He sucked in a breath. "We'll talk later, May. Get here without Ward. And yeah, bring the shade." He hung up then threw the phone. "Coulson's alive."

Stark gaped then cleared his throat. "How?"

"Don't know. Heard him behind May." He looked up. "JARVIS, I need Natasha."

She came off the elevator, staring at him. "You missed?"

"No. Harris has the staff to protect the slayers. He said he'll hand it to Thor. HYDRA is trying to take out May and I just heard Coulson's voice behind her giving orders."

She stared at him. "Interesting to note. A tape?"

"No. He told her to take the phone call away from him before I heard him."

She nodded. "We can find out."

"Ward is HYDRA."

"He may be useful then." She helped Stark look up Melinda's location. "Interesting plan. Command plane." She looked at Clint, who smirked coldly. "We can handle that."

"Bring him here," Stark ordered. "Cap?"

"Gym."

"Good. Brief him?" They nodded, going to do that. Stark called Harris. "Why are you using that staff?" He listened. "Really? Can you do that and not get warped?" He listened to the real facts, wincing. "The kids?" He tickled one, making him giggle. "Are they safe around that?" He sighed. "Okay. We need you here. No, I can't.... Good point, they'd use you to track us or the slayers. Okay. Now what do you have planned so we can go around it?" He listened to the simple idea.

"I can do that. Let me know daily, Harris, and if it's too much let me know. I will be taking those kids if the staff turns you evil like Loki." He hung up before he threw that phone. Steve came off the elevator alone. "They told you?" He nodded. "The staff's being used to hold up protections around the slayers. It's got an independent power source. He thinks Thor's going to react without thinking. Which is why he has the other staff. The kids are fine. Right now he knows how bad this is."

"How bad and how did HYDRA reform?"

"It may not have died," Stark said. "The US did take in scientists after the war so they didn't go to Russia. At least one was HYDRA by my father's notes." He let him see it.

"Yeah, he was the guy behind the Red Skull." They shared a look. "Can we get to Thor before he tries to smite the slayers or Harris?"

"Yes. Maybe. Foster's trying."

Willow appeared, shaking her head. "The bifrost's still broken. We can get word up there but it may not reach him within days. Though there's one chance and the only one who can contact her is an Agent Coulson?"

"He's dead," Steve said.

"Clint heard him. He's with Agent May and has a HYDRA goon on board to stop them." Stark stared at him. "They're going to bring him here."

"I like that idea," Steve said. "Any idea how?"

"I'm sensing the hand of Fury," Stark said dryly. He looked at Willow. "Any other way to reach her?"

"Only an Asgardian or one blessed to her could."

"Would Thor's girlfriend help?" Steve asked.

"No."

"But her assistant is Thor's adopted little sister," Stark said with a grin. "He told us about her and Jane."

"That could do it," Willow said. "Where are they?"

"London."

"Xander's there. Then maybe he can talk to her. We're all in hiding. Don't worry about us, Mr. Stark. Just get the bad guys down this time before we have an invasion again or something equally nasty." She disappeared, going to a few places before back near the coven, and that last part she drove.

Stark and Steve shared a look then Steve nodded, calling Natasha. "We need Coulson and however he can get hold of an Asgardian. As soon as possible." He hung up, looking over the plans.

***

Xander walked into the temple the next night, sighing in displeasure. "Okay," he said, nodding at the woman who had been gathered for him. "Don't stress out, Ms. Lewis. I'm not going to hurt you."

"You're holding Loki's staff. Why should I believe you?"

"I'm with the slayers. I'm using it to protect them." She moaned, shaking her head. "I need you to call out for Sif or one of them. I know we can't get Thor but we'll need him eventually. Especially since no one up there is paying attention to astronomy events. Before the convergence happens and we're all merged into one realm for a bit. We don't need HYDRA and that."

She winced, calling out to Sif. The woman appeared, attacking Xander.

He tripped her and moved out of the way. "I had her call you, Lady Sif. I'm Xander, the protector over the Slayers." She stared, glaring at him. "I'm holding them safe with the staff. Both staffs really." He put it on the ground beside him. "There's things that have to be heard. I'll give the staff to Thor once things have fallen out down here. His brothers in the Avengers will need him soon, and then you guys aren't paying attention to the convergence. Your ancient enemies come back as well and are then coming down here. I don't want to deal with elves."

She stared, backing off slightly. "What?" She visually checked Darcy then looked at him again.

He sighed. "Do you know what a slayer is?"

"I have heard of such and felt pity for them. I have also seen that more are called now."

"The First Evil got loosed."

She grimaced. "That is bad. It takes many?"

"It took seven. It also destroyed the old Council. The witch on the team out in Sunnydale activated the seven we need by activating them all. So now they're like normal women who have a choice to be warriors if they wish." She tipped her head at that. "Unfortunately, we have something coming back. HYDRA. The ones who had the cube originally? They're coming for us and others. They're trying to take over everywhere and destroy the slayers or other protectors. So I have the staff to protect them."

"I can see how that would help but it is full of foul energy."

He grinned. "I grew up on a hellmouth, Lady Sif. I'm full of bad energy. What's a bit more?" She tested him and groaned, shaking her head. He grinned. "Exactly. Also, found this down here," he said, nudging the other staff. "I'm using them to protect the slayers and others. But we called for a reason. SHIELD is going to be destroyed from the inside by the filth that used to have the cube."

"All right."

"Thor's friends, his brothers in battle down here, are in a lot of danger, but you guys have a worse one. There's a convergence coming. The aether is coming loose. The dark elves are coming and there's going to be great mourning when the palace is attacked by them. Including by two sons," he finished more quietly. She shuddered. "That's a merging one by the way."

"I will look into thus. I will also tell Thor of his brother's staff so he can come get it."

"I'll gladly hand them both to him once the problem threatening the slayers is done with."

She nodded. "Agreed. It is necessary since you're a mortal."

He grinned. "Yeah but I'm not the normal guy the girls think I am." He smirked at her. "If you have any way of getting to the Powers That Be can you please tell them?"

"They are not our sort of being. They're more a cosmic power."

"I know. They're also dicks who plan things generations in advance and don't pay attention to their maps. They've had battles planned with girls who died years ago." Sif winced. "Which I tend to fix for them, so they hate me."

"I can see why. You are mouthy," she said.

"You say some of the sweetest things, Lady Sif." He grinned. "I hope my daughter grows up like you."

"You have children?"

"I have four children. Created by these same people to be future warriors for them."

She rolled her eyes. "People always have such plots."

"Yes but mine came into being. They're adorable."

"I'm sure they are. Children often are." She considered him. "I could summon the staff."

He grinned, handing it to her. It zapped her, making her yelp and drop it. "It knows when there's a good reason. The stone has sentience." He picked it up. "I want no war with any but the demonic that started a war with me but I had to get to you so we could avoid one with Asgard."

"A good idea, noble one. I will let them know. Thank thee. Darcy," she said with a nod.

She grinned. "He had me brought so I could call."

"Only one of Asgard's own could call upon one of them," Xander said in Norse. "It was you or the warrior I took the staff of rage from."

Sif shook her head. "He was banished." He grinned back. "I will tell them thus." He tipped the staff toward her. "I cannot send myself back."

"Of course you can. Because otherwise the staff loses its protector." It sent her home. He looked at Darcy. "I'll have you escorted back."

"When is the convergence?"

"Six months."

"Damn."

"Oh, no, if it had happened like someone foresaw, Jane Foster would be full of the mystical, powerful aether."

"Damn it."

"Yup." He grinned. "Thank you, Miss Lewis. Have a better night?"

"Gladly." One of the demons escorted her home then went to tell the others what had been said. They knew of the convergence. They knew of the staves too. Harris was in a bad position but a strong one.

***

Steve walked into the abandoned house, looking at the man standing there. "Your kids all right?"

"They're good. You're not Steve Rogers." The man took off the image inducer. "Cute. Really."

"You can't hope to protect them. We know where your fallbacks are."

"You mean on another realm? We knew about the plants, dude. I knew and I told the others. There's a good reason we don't trust agents. And the two watchers that were loyal got left in Cleveland. Intent wards," he quipped. The agent pulled a gun and Xander killed him for it then turned him into a living zombie. "There, you'll do." He walked off. "Go tell your people not to touch the slayers unless they want to handle a demonic apocalypse?" The man stomped off. Xander grinned. "Good." He checked on the napping kids then looked at the staff of power. "Hmm. No, you're not that seductive. I don't want power like that. Thanks anyway. I'm only interested in protecting the innocent and keeping us from an invasion right now." It went quiet again because enough world changing chaos was going on with its use. Xander relaxed, reading a few short stories while he waited.

***

Sif made her way into the palace. "Odin, we must talk. I was summoned by a seer with Loki's staff."

He sat upright, staring at her. "Is he destroying Midgard?"

"He's protecting the Chosen Valkyries Who Battle. The ones who had the cosmic cube are trying to take over again and are against them." Odin grimaced. "He also said that we forgot about the convergence coming up. That the dark elves would make two sons mourn their mother before the worlds merged because the palace was going to be attacked."

Odin stared at her. "Tell me all he said, Sif. Seers are often cryptic."

"He was not, All Father. He was as clear as a sunny sky at noon." She looked. "She should hear." He got his wife summoned and she bowed to her and Thor. "You should hear as well, Thor. He had me summoned to tell you thus." She told them all that had happened and been told to her.

Thor stared at her. "I have barely heard of these warriors."

Frigga smiled. "They are under mine, Thor. They fight the demon menaces." He nodded once. "Those sort would be against a strength that would shelter people. It was a bad choice to take the staff but a powerful one they would have problems bypassing."

"Which is why he did that. He also said the same sort wanted to make future soldiers so made him children. He has four."

Frigga grimaced. "That poor man." Sif smiled at her. "We will handle thus. Thor, when you go back to help with that, you bring the staff back here to be put safely away."

"Yes, mother." He looked at Odin. "Should I go now?"

"Yes. It can only help strengthen the realm before it's destroyed," he said. Thor nodded, patting Sif on the arm as he walked past her. He looked at Sif. "This one, we know what of him?"

"He used to date Anyanka. It was in his aura. She marked him as hers."

Frigga shook her head. "A bravely stupid young warrior." Odin nodded, shifting in his seat. "Is he one that would've been gathered, Sif?"

"Yes, my queen. Gladly so."

"Then we will not harm him for doing what he must to protect the innocent queens of battle. I will also be preparing myself and others."

"I'll have that convergence looked into," Odin said.

"Sire, if the aether comes to Asgard, that means three cosmic sources of power here," Sif said.

"Point. We will handle it." She nodded, bowing and walking off. Odin sat to think about what he could do to help stop this serious problem. He couldn't realign the stars but perhaps he could handle other things. Jane Foster must not get infected with the aether. Thor may miss her but he could find someone more like him.

Frigga patted him on the arm. "If you should touch Jane Foster, he will kill you," she said quietly. "Warn the girl instead. She's a valuable ally." She left him to his plans. She could write a letter to that darling young woman who her son dated.

***

The quin jet from the airport landed on the top helipad, opening the back door so the people could walk out.

"Was this really necessary?" a young woman demanded.

"Yes," Clint said. "Shut up."

"Be nicer," Coulson ordered. "She's young and in training, Clint."

He looked at him. "Dead men don't give orders as you once told me. Then again, you died since then."

"That was the director."

"I'm going to thump him anyway." He pointed. "Inside, people." He followed with Natasha.

Steve straightened up, staring at them. "How?" he asked quietly.

"He used experimental things to bring me back," Coulson sighed.

Steve nodded. "If he had told us we would've helped you recover."

"I'm his hidden ace in the hole, Captain."

Steve nodded. "Sounds like Fury." He looked over at Stark then back at them. "Clint, the one that we heard was dirty?"

"Locked in a cage on the plane with a bomb if they open the door," Natasha said. "I do not put up with dirty agents." She walked around them. "The rest going on?"

"There's hints of strange things that aren't demons. We don't know what."

"I do," Stark said as he came off the elevator. "A young brunette woman just appeared thanks to the coven with a guy that's presently coming out of cryo stasis. She said he'd only be safe here." He looked at Steve. "It's bad."

"Do we know them?"

"You used to," he said. "And he hasn't aged a day since he fell off a train," he finished quietly.

"No. Nonono," Steve said, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry. JARVIS, pull up the infirmary footage." A virtual screen with a camera came up. "He's still down. It'll take a few hours for him to come up."

"That's ...one metallic arm. That's the Winter Soldier," Natasha said. Coulson winced. "Correct?"

"It sounds like his description, yes. Though that is Bucky Barnes. A clone, Stark?"

"No. Cryo frozen repeatedly. Brain waves are off too." He looked at Steve, helping him into a chair. "Deep breath, Steve." He got up and rushed down there. The film cut off. "He's had a lot of shocks." He looked at Coulson. "How?"

"Experimental drugs from a being that's probably alien," Skye said.

Stark nodded. "I've seen hints of those files. Charming of him. He's having to end a lot of things, including SHIELD."

"We can rebuild," Coulson said. "Why gather us?"

"You're safer with us," Stark ordered. "Half of SHIELD is compromised. A quarter of all other agents."

Coulson winced. "Damn it," he muttered.

"All but myself on Steve's mission team were HYDRA," Natasha said.

Coulson looked at her. "Rumlow?"

"Section head," Stark said dryly. "To take out Cap."

Coulson nodded. "Any idea who's in charge?"

"By what we've seen, one of the higher ups on the Security Council and someone named the Seer or something."

"The clairvoyant? That's Centipede," Skye said, glancing at Coulson. "We've been fighting against their ideas of making superior soldiers."

"The main group made kids for that," Stark said dryly. "I found out thanks to them using one of the guys at the Council."

"Wells?" Melinda guessed.

"Harris. He's got four kids and a ton of stored embryos thanks to these guys. Though there's some embryos with Wells' name on them."

Melinda May shuddered. "He'll make the kids hyper and bouncy like he can be. I ran into him in the field," she said when someone stared at her.

"Right now he's protecting the slayers with Loki's staff," Natasha said. Coulson shuddered. "It's not affecting him the same way."

"I'm sure." He looked at his people then at Stark. "Where can we help, Stark? We're not damsels in distress."

"Good. Go talk to Barton and Steve about field missions. I'm trying to find Bruce."

"He's in Honduras," Skye said. "We tracked him earlier in case they were going for him."

"That's good to know. Thanks." He walked off. "Romanoff, find them rooms and stuff."

"I can do that." She led them to rooms and got the geeks signed into the labs to help Stark. She and the hacker went looking for more information with Melinda May upping the security on the tower with Clint. Steve was left to sit with his lost friend for now.

***

Xander grinned at the man stomping into his abandoned house/lair. "Hey." He settled on a couch. "What's up?"

"You could have told me," his UK contact said.

"No I couldn't have. Your boss is one of them." He groaned, settling across from him. "I'm to the point where I trust no one but myself and one baby daddy that I'm pissed at because he told the others before I could."

"You have kids?"

"I have four kids." He smiled. "The same people decided they needed future warriors so made me kids. I should probably feel flattered they liked me that way."

"Probably," he agreed, grimacing. "That's going to suck for your dating life."

"Maybe."

"And for surviving this," he said, pulling a gun. The staff of rage hit him and knocked him out.

Xander got comfortable. "The staff and the hyena taint are getting comfy together telling me about people who aren't good for the cubs." He sipped his water. When his contact woke up he grinned. "Even if you take me out, Loki's scepter automatically will send itself to Willow for her and Andrew to use."

"That's threatening humanity, Harris."

"No. It's agreed to help me protect the slayers when I asked it to. Her it just likes. And it thinks Andrew's neat too." He smiled, sipping his water. He looked at his sleeping kids then at him. "You're not getting the kids back and you're not going to stop me from protecting the girls. I have all sorts of plans laid to come back as agent of vengeance to protect them."

The guy shuddered. "Never mind then. They can come talk to the girls later." He got up and stomped off.

Xander waved at his back. "Sure, they can try that. And the slayers can let you guys handle your own demonic emergencies too." He got up to get more water and check on the kids. They were safe for now and probably going to be hungry soon.

***

Buffy called Xander late the next night. "You know, we can't really let them handle it on their own."

"The two ascending demons are being handled by military people. The one in Spain is being handled by their people. The local community and Cleveland are both staying quiet because they know humans will turn on them to make them take the blame," Xander said, sharpening a knife. "The only slayers not with you guys are all safe."

"That's good. Your brood?"

"Playing beside me." He smiled at them. "Auntie Buffy said hi, guys."

"Mama!" one said.

"Awww, you finally talked! Such a great little girl, Joyceline."

"You...named your daughter...after Mom?" Buffy asked quietly.

"Yeah. I couldn't think of a better name for my daughter, Buffy."

She sniffled. "That's sweet. I would've thought your friend Jesse."

"He's in one of my son's names. The other two are Arlin and Henry."

"That's sweet. Thanks, Xander." She hung up.

Xander got down to play with them. "You guys are so great. Even Buffy said so." They grinned and threw stuff at him but he was used to it.

***

The day that SHIELD fell, everyone was watching tv. Coulson was on the phone calling for agents to prove themselves and show up safely somewhere. A few were going into hiding even though they weren't involved. They wanted out of SHIELD. The helicarriers were down. Steve was out of the way in the infirmary with his friend, who had no idea who he was, much less who Steve was. They fought each time he woke up but the fights were getting less violent.

The slayers were watching too. They had almost been attacked but the protections had held. The demon in Spain had gotten fought off by Buffy and a few others that had snuck there. The two ascending ones had been blown up thanks to regional militaries. They were proud they had handled it so easily. Though they had both said that they had wanted a slayer there to help them in case other things showed up. Unfortunately they were having to hide from bad agents who wanted to kill them. That's what got news crews to start asking questions, which was when Nick Fury had collapsed SHIELD. Other agents had fallen at the same time. Other agencies were trying to stop the flood of bad agents coming out of the woodwork.

In DC at NCIS, a few tried to get into a standoff on the agent floor. They lost and only a few good agents got injuries. Gibbs looked at the mess and ordered them cleaned up and everyone else found even if they had to find a lie detecting witch. The director was horrified but oh well. There were still doubts about where she stood. They didn't believe she was HYDRA but no one believed she was on the same side as Gibbs.

Thor showed up during it and smacked down one of the groups of agents trying to take hostages of good agents. Then he sneered at them. "I do not think that the honest ones among you need such incidences on their nightmares." He sneered at the others gathering. "Are you with them or the real agents and my brothers in battle?"

"We're on the same side as the good agents, Thor," one said. "Are you well?"

"Aye. I go to see them now." He walked off. A car pulled up and a door opened. "Do I know you?" he asked.

"Lord Thor, Tony Stark sent me to gather you so they don't try you again."

"Thank thee. Are you Happy?"

He smiled. "I am. Get in and I'll bring you to the tower." Thor nodded, getting in to go with him. He drove him off, avoiding a few attempts to fire at the car. "Sorry about all this."

"It is not your doing. It was explained to us by someone."

"That was nice of them." He pulled into the parking garage and they were let upstairs. "Stark?"

"Thanks, Happy. Thor," he said, shaking his hand. "Steve's in the infirmary with a friend he found injured."

"That's fine. I'll see Steven soon." He shook the other's hands. "Son of Coul?"

"Fury had him brought back with alien experimental fluids," Stark said. "Want something to drink?"

"Please. The one that has my brother's staff?"

"London, but he's watching over Jane and Darcy as well," Clint said. Thor smiled and nodded. "We can call him later."

"That's fine."

Stark's phone rang with a text message. "He'll be here after he handles the few bad agents there that are trying a last ditch effort at a kid's school to get a few slayers that didn't go into hiding. He'll even bring the daughter." He sighed. "What am I going to do with a daughter?"

"Raise her with love, kindness, and to kick butt," Clint said. "That way she's not vulnerable to assholes who'll want her for your name."

"He didn't give her my name."

"Doesn't mean people don't know," Clint said with a grin. "She's pretty too."

"Don't give me thoughts about guys like me wanting into her panties when she's twenty," he shot back.

"You're gonna be lucky if she's twenty," Clint said with a smile for Thor.

"Hopefully she'll be happy with whatever sort she decides should be hers," Thor said diplomatically. Steve came off the elevator. "Steven. How is your ailing friend?"

"He's fine physically but mentally they compressed his mind so he doesn't remember anything."

"That sounds foul."

"Same people," Clint said.

"Ah." He nodded, patting Steve on the arm. "If at all possible he'll be fine. If he's that dear to you he's as stubborn as you are."

"And then some," he agreed, patting him on the arm. "How are things up there?"

"In a bit of a tizzy. We had forgotten there's a convergence coming. It will mean all the realms touching for a bit. We were warned of an ancient enemy coming back to take out my mother." He sighed. "We hope we can change that part."

Stark looked at him. "I hope so too. Can we help?"

"Nay. You cannot fight the dark elves."

"Okay, let us know," Steve said.

Thor smiled. "I shall." A man appeared with a stroller, a bag on his arm, two agents passed out at his feet, and two staves in each hand. The kids all stared up at everyone then one sniffled.

Steve smiled. "It's all right, little one."

"Freeze," Xander ordered. "I have it boobytrapped." He leaned down to undo the trip wire. "It'd hit you as it brought up a shield around them." He looked at Thor then at the agents. "You wanted to talk to someone higher up to beg for forgiveness for having really bad ideas because you wanted to take an elementary school hostage. So talk to Lord Thor, scum."

One of them stared at him. "Save us?"

"If you touched innocent children you deserve punishment," Thor said.

"If they touched any kid, innocent or not, they deserve whatever hell they get," Clint said.

"Exactly," Xander agreed. He grinned. "You can go outside and jump. Or you can get arrested by whichever agent shows up here to dent you for me."

"I have agents coming as we're trying not to make more work for the local police," Coulson said. "However they should be in handcuffs." Stark tossed over some tie cuffs. They got locked down. "Mr. Harris, hand the scepter to Thor as you promised please."

"I can do that." He held it out handle first. It flew out of Xander's hand and away from Thor. "Hey! You're going home!" He grabbed it with a sigh. "Okay, tell me what the problem is." He grimaced, looking at Thor. "It wants someone with power to take it from me, and you don't have magic."

Thor nodded. "You can speak to it?"

"I can speak to dead people. The large, idiot blue guy who made it left an imprint before giving it to your brother."

"Oh, that makes more sense. Do you know of a witch you would trust to hold it?"

"One. Willow, send me Dawn," he called, looking up.

She appeared on the porch, wandering in reading a book. She took the staff from him, glancing at it. "Aww, you're cute. You'd be horrible for my dating life though." She handed it to Thor. "There, he's your people. The slayers would drive you nuts asking for help with bad hair days." She went back to reading, sitting down beside the kids to pull Arlin out to cuddle. "Aww, my little guy."

"That's Arlin, Dawn."

"I know that." She smirked. "I asked the poker buddies for pictures." She gathered the others into her lap, reading the romance novel to them. She looked down. "Of course, you guys will have better lovers than the weak minded fool this one is. This one might as well be food for minions." She went back to reading, making them happy kids.

Xander shook his head but smiled at Stark. "This is Buffy's sister Dawn."

"Well met, Dawn," Thor said with a nod. She grinned up at him. "Thank thee for the help."

"I'm also protecting the kids from Willow. She thinks Xander's going to go freaky so she's going to try to snatch them again."

"Then I really should keep the staff of rage," Xander muttered. He handed the other two over to Thor, making him shudder as he touched them. He held up the other one. Thor stepped back, shaking his head. "You sure? I can easily make this my second favorite baby after my battle axe."

"How does it not affect you?" Thor asked.

"I'm already angry, Thor. What's it going to do, make me hate the ones that took my only real family from me more?" He shrugged, leaning on it. "Some of us had a war forced on us and we didn't want that for our lives. Now it is and some day it may consume us, but that's not all we are."

Thor nodded. "The one who held it?"

"I think he's in Spain or something. I found one of the pieces there."

Thor nodded. "Can I have someone gather that one?"

"Sure. I don't mind. It won't make me any less mad."

Dawn touched that staff, nodding. "I remember when you let it out one night on the anniversary of losing Jesse." She went back to babying the kids. Magic started to glow around her so she looked up. "I'll let him come take that staff of rage to you, Willow," she said quietly. "Bet me I won't." It stopped. She smiled at Xander. "She's back in huffy girl land."

"I'm going to sell her to someone who can train her better," Xander said dryly. "I'll be damned if she teaches my kids to act that way." He took Jesse from her. "You're making that bad face. Want changed?" He nodded, pouting at him. "You can have Dawn read to you some more in a minute. Let's change the nasty butt." He picked up the diaper bag and Stark pointed at a bathroom. "Thanks, Stark." He carried him that way.

Dawn smiled at the other ones. "Let us know if you guys need changed too."

Clint laid a hand on the staff, pulling it back quickly. "It really does make you angry."

"The one who carried it had that job," Thor said. "It was broken so he could not control it." He looked at the children. "They look comfortable. Do they see you often?"

"Nope. Xander's kept them from all of us at the Council because my sister's a nagging bitch and then there's Willow. Who's not much better." She went back to reading, taking Jesse back and handing him Joyceline. "Needs a new buttflap."

"Yup." He took her to change then brought her back. Stark stared at her. Xander held her out to him with a grin. "You can cuddle. She likes them."

"Thanks, kid." He carefully took her from him, staring at her. "Hi." She grinned at him. "Are you okay? Did you do okay when there were bad people? JARVIS, tell Pepper she's here?" Pepper came off the next elevator while they were still staring at each other. She took the baby to cuddle, making her squeal. "She's happy to see you, Pep."

"If you put her against your chest, she purrs," Xander said. "She loves to snuggle." He picked up Arlin, staring at him. "You haven't been changed in three hours. Why not?" The baby squealed and patted him. "I like you too, son, but why are you not peeing?" He took him to change. Dawn was shaking her head but reading to the other two. One got up to wander after daddy, getting changed too. Then they came running out to pounce Dawn for her mystical reading abilities. Xander grinned at Pepper. "She'd probably stuff her face again but they ate about an hour ago."

"That's a good thing sometimes. Sometimes you need a snack." Tony moved but she handed her over to him. He awkwardly cuddled her until she climbed up to play with his hair. That made it easier. Pepper took a picture. She moved the staff out of the way but Thor moved it on her. "It makes you really angry, Ms. Potts."

"Oh, okay." She nodded, settling in to talk to Steve. The other three were yawning at Dawn, who was yawning too. "Not your genre?" she asked.

"No but the slayers only brought romance novels. It sucks but I forgot to pack one of my own outside schoolbooks," Dawn sighed. She shrugged. "It happens wen you have to evacuate."

"Now I have you!" a demon shouted as he appeared. Xander swung the staff at him. The demon ducked but Xander pulled it back to trip him then kicked his ass. "But, Xander!" he whined. "Can't I have one of your sons! I'll be good to them. You can have another one born to replace him."

Xander stared down at him. "Hell. No." The demon whined. "I'd disappear from this plane. Unlike how I'm going to torture Willow for trying to snatch my kids, I haven't known you since the first day of school." The demon wiggled away and disappeared.

Dawn clapped and whistled. The kids cheered too. "Way to go, Xander!"

"Twas nothing, fair damsel." He gave her a look then settled down. "Hand over my kids."

"My spoiling time," she said, cuddling them. "You never share. How else am I supposed to realize I don't need kids until I'm fifty?" She teased and tickled them, making them giggle and run away from her. Clint caught one to tickle. That one ran to Steve. The other two ran to the guy who had their sister.

Stark smiled at them. "Sure, we'll protect you from being tickled." His daughter wiggled so he put her down. She ran over to pounce Dawn with a squeal, making her fall over. "Good job, Joyceline."

Pepper giggled. "That's a good pounce, sweetheart." She grinned at them and patted Dawn then ran after her brothers. They squealed and ran from her.

"Baby tag can last for hours unless you distract them," Xander warned.

Steve caught two of them. Clint caught Joyceline. Dawn grabbed the other one to cuddle. "Got you," she cooed in his ear, making him wiggle and giggle. "I'm going to have a lot of fun interrupting Xander to babysit you guys."

"Wow, you're going to college in Africa?" Xander quipped, staring at her.

"No, but Giles is turning the main house over to you because he's tired of the politics and all the people going 'but you're British so you don't understand our ways'." She grinned. "Buffy's going to Ireland. You're getting Amanda, Stellie, and Dexie." He groaned, shaking his head. "Your girls in Africa are getting Faith." She smirked. "She wanted to travel and work with the younger slayers. She's been working with the few regional ones down there to figure out how to get wherever. Giles said to give her your map, the Range Rover, and anything she may need."

"When was I going to be told that?"

"When the Customs people said they wanted someone normal they could work with so they stop you from going back there by airport." She smiled. "Agents got creeped out by slayer shopping for apocalypse battles," she said in a sing-song manner. She cuddled the baby. "The slayers like to shop," she sang. "You need to beware that you're not my sister's shopping buddy. She'll stick you in a bag and make you help her buy bras, and you won't even get to leer because she's got almost no boobs. Then she'll make you buys shoes with her and never feed you. She's like an evil queen of shopping."

"Don't remind me," Xander complained, rubbing his forehead. "Please don't remind me."

Clint nudged Xander. "It can't be that bad." Dawn and Xander both laughed. "Really, guys?"

"The slayers go shopping before every big battle for just the perfect outfit to fight in yet look cute in. Then for something slightly slutty for clubbing or a bikini for the day afterward so they have a goal in mind to not get injured during the battle."

"I got asked a few times by agents what the girls were doing. I explained the usual school shopping against the pre-battle shopping or the stress shopping. School shopping is multi-store with an emphasis on clothes. Stress shopping tends to end up inside a candy or ice cream shop within a half-hour but may involve window shopping for clothes and a lot of trying on but little buying. Pre-battle shopping starts at either the lingerie store or the shoe store and they match it all to that necessary accessory. Also the shoes tend to be chunkier heels and the bras tend to be more practical than slinky. Buffy had to point out that push up bras do not belong in battles because boobs get in the way of swinging a sword when you have to do it for six hours straight."

Dawn nodded. "The cute shoes are saved for club hunting instead of patrol night or battles. The cute skirts or the slutty tops too."

Clint stared at her like she was strange. "You guys go out in heels on patrol?"

"Chunky heels," Xander said. He pulled up a few videos. "I use these to show the girls what not to wear on patrol. Buffy is the mistress of the patrol date. Unfortunately some of the other slayers have picked up taking their dates on patrol." He let Clint see those.

Clint stared then took the phone down to Natasha. She stared at it then at him. "The girls go shopping before apocalypse battles for the perfect outfit and something slinky to wear the next day if they're not injured."

She sighed then nodded. "Sometimes girls aren't sensible about things." She saw the other videos, watching them. She stared then walked upstairs, showing Xander. "She went out in that?"

Xander looked then grinned at her. "Back when she was seventeen. She was dating Angel during patrols. She always called me the bait but she was a lot more of one. She even likes to kick a lot," he finished with a grin. He got into another file to show her. "That's her shortly before graduation."

She watched, letting Clint see it. Clint shook his head. "Someone let her out of the house in that outfit?" Dawn burst out giggling but nodded. "Why?"

"Buffy was a popular cheerleader sort before she got called," Xander said with a grin. "She's just like that. The other girls know they can't be Buffy. Each slayer is her own mythical being that people wonder and worry about showing up if they're doing bad things. I save those to show the girls I'm training not to be like that. Because only Buffy gets to go on date patrols in mini skirts, backless shirts, and go-go boots." He showed them that picture.

Natasha stared. "I would not even wear that outfit to the mall in case I'm attacked. She fought the same way then?"

"Yup. All the slayers get a download of most every weapon and fighting style. That's the one that stuck with her. Faith street brawls because that's what she grew up doing. I like weapons better than bare handed because it compensates for my not hitting as hard."

"I like his version but I hate swords," Dawn quipped. "I'd rather learn for necessary reasons and then go hide in college, find a few boys, and then have a life for a bit before I get sucked back into the Council."

Xander smiled. "Then that's your choice, Dawnie."

"Not according to my sister."

"She knows better. I'll remind her you're allowed to make decisions, just like the other girls do." She hugged his leg. Joyceline crawled up Dawn's back to pounce her father, getting a cuddle for it. "Hi, sweetheart. Are you having fun with Auntie Dawn?"

The boys climbed up Dawn too so they could get to Daddy. He cuddled them, making them happy.

Stark looked at the picture then at Dawn. "Your sister's a bit skimpy."

"Yeah but she needs a new dangerous thing to date. Only predators like her." Xander shrugged. "I know, you don't care unless you have to stake the next one."

"Yup and I'd like her to stay out of my panties as well."

"Not your fault that guys like arms dealers like you," she said with a pat before sitting up. "Can I help with dinner?"

Xander looked then at her. "I think it's nap time. They're growing. Again. I'm going to let your sister shop for them." He grinned. "As long as Joyceline doesn't own a skirt before she's ten. That way we can hide she's a girl for those sort that shouldn't know because it'll make her a target."

Dawn nodded, sending that text. She got back a happy face. "She liked that idea."

"Good. I'll slip her money." He put the kids onto the chair he was sitting in. They all cuddled together on top of Henry. He went to check the diaper bag then looked at her. "You're going to...."

"Run away and hide?" she quipped then texted someone. They removed her magically.

Xander grinned. "The coven's protecting her."

Thor stared at him. "Is that normal?"

"The coven helping? Sometimes."

"You lead a weird life," Natasha said.

"Yeah, pretty much," he agreed, smiling at her. His phone beeped so he looked. "No, I don't have time for a kitten poker match tonight," he said as he typed back. "Just in town to handle the last few things. But thanks." He sent it and put his phone back. "Sorry, old poker buddy."

"Kitten poker?" Clint demanded.

"Yeah. It's a pretty popular demon game. We at the Council are on good terms with the peaceful community. We learned a lot through kitten poker, including that some bad things were coming. We wouldn't have known much about Glory without them."

"Glory was what sort of demon?" Steve asked.

"A hell goddess that wanted to drag her plane onto this one to open a buffet line. Buffy died fighting her."

"The same Buffy?" Stark asked, looking at Coulson. "Think Fury did it to her too?"

"No, Willow did," Xander said. "No alien stuff needed."

Stark blinked a few times. "She brought her back to life?"

"Yeah. That was her second death. I did CPR a few minutes after she got drowned. It was long enough to call a second slayer."

Stark blinked at him. "You should probably have a vacation."

Xander shot him a dirty look. "There's been weirder that came out of Sunnydale than that, Stark."

"I'm sure there was." He nodded. Pepper patted him on the arm, taking Joyceline to cuddle. "Sure, you cuddle her. You can teach her how to be a little girl."

"Which can get her bad attention," Xander reminded him. "She's an undercover girl because people like to sell baby girls more."

"Point, but if you're in the main house in Cleveland...."

"I'll piss them all off by telling them the truth and then to grow the hell up because teenage girls can handle things they can't," Xander finished sarcastically. "I have *no* tact. Or patience with adults." He rolled his eyes. "The agents I've dealt with in Africa loathe having to come see me about stuff. Even if it would mean the end of the universe they don't want to talk to me to get the slayers to help them. I'm not suddenly going to find more tact because I'm back in the US. Cheeseburgers more often but not tact."

A demon appeared outside and stomped in, kneeling beside Xander. "Knight, we ask for a favor."

"If it's that bad, why are you kneeling?" he asked dryly.

"Because it's protocol, which we don't care about in the bushes but here with Lord Thor we do," he said, shooting him a dirty look.

"Sure, I get that. What favor?"

"That you stop the rogue witch Rosenburg. She's stolen from the incubus king."

Xander grimaced. "She can't handle her own fight?"

The demon looked up again. "She stole some of the drug that helps the transition, Xander."

"Oh, fuck me," he muttered in Latin, pulling out his phone. "Watch the kids for me please, Bert."

"Sure, they're adorable and drool like hellhounds." He settled in front of them to watch while Xander went out onto the balcony to yell at someone.

Xander smiled when the phone was answered. "So, are you going to paddle Willow since she just stole the drug that turns humans into incubi?" he asked dryly. "Yes, as in that drug that makes people addicted to sex and all that, Buffy. Yes, Willow. Bert's here. Bert, Buffy said hi." He waved back. "He waved back, Buffy. Well, I think the alternatives they were probably going toward was attacking her and the slayers around her by dosing them." He laughed. "Yeah, exactly. How addicted to dick do you want to be?" She spluttered and choked. "Since she *stole* it from them....." He looked inside at the moan. "What did she do this time, Bert?"

"Um, Xander, the babies just twinkled off," Pepper said.

Xander nodded. "Buffy, bring me there please. I can solve both problems. Because she just stole the babies. Bring. Me. There. Or else I'm calling in a poker debt." Giles was complaining but he got brought back there. He hung up, walking around them. "Ladies, Willow stole drugs from the Incubus King that turn humans into incubi."

"The hell she's going to use that," one of the old ladies said. "I've had enough of that nonsense in my life, and hated it by the end of my former marriage." Xander shot her a grin. "Oh, dear."

"I'm having someone carry the baby that's mine and Andrew's." The witches all shuddered. "Give me back my damn children before I kill your stupid ass!" he shouted before kicking in a door. He shot the demons in there. "I don't give a damn what she did, you do not include my children until they're old enough to decide if they want to hunt!" He shot the new one showing up. "My children are in the room, guys. If you're going to paddle her, make it something we all can enjoy." They carried Willow off. Xander gathered up the kids, carrying them out there. "Can I paddle her dumb witch ass too? Or should that be dumb ass witch?"

"Oh, no, us," the head of the coven said with a smile and a wave at the babies. "We don't want to be succuba, Xander."

He grinned. "I got given a partial dose of that one weekend last year. It's fun but I already wear out people thanks to Anya and my stamina. I nearly killed six different lovers, and I was only doing oral sex for the most part." The older ladies all giggled. A few blushed. Giles blushed. "I could take more," he said, looking at Willow. "Then me and the baby future sex demons can *all* have great fun. We can shop and use people like we're hos. I can live in a penthouse suite. We can have nummies all we want. I can have a gym. I'll need great abs to capture prey." She shuddered, shrinking down away from him. "Guys, any other reason you showed up since Bert came to me to stop her for that theft?"

"She stole the Queen's crown," one said.

Xander went to look once Giles had the babies, coming out carrying her silver altar tray. It had the crown around a picture of him from back in high school. There was a bloody dagger and a burning candle on it with herb residue. There were cards that might've been tarot cards but they were mostly burned. He held it up to Giles and the witches then the demons, who nodded. "You can interrupt whatever she's doing."

The demons looked then at the witches. They took the altar tray to undo things. Xander took the babies back and got sent back to New York. The witches got to beat their younger problem member. He sighed as he reappeared. "Bert, she stole the Queen's crown." The demon stared at him, mouth open. "The demons there are helping the coven correct her. Hopefully until she begs since the spell had the crown around my picture. I have no idea what she was doing."

Bert nodded slowly. "You taking over as the Queen of the hive would be a bad thing."

Xander shot him a dirty look but grinned. "I'd turn them into incubi since the drug was handily available in the same room."

"I know," he moaned, shaking his head. "We will send you suitable sitters."

"Nah, we're good." He blew a kiss. "Right, guys?" They wiggled so he put them down and herded them inside. They wandered in to pet Pepper and cuddle her. "Yes, she's a good redhead. Learn about good redheads so you don't fall in with someone like that one redhead." Bert patted him on the shoulders, kissed him on the forehead, then left. Xander grinned at them. "So."

"You could use a nap," Stark said quickly. "So could the kids. Let's find you a room, Harris."

"There's one near me," Clint said.

"That's be cool, thanks guys. Saves on hotel costs." He gathered the kids, the diaper bag, and followed Clint down there. Behind him someone groaned but it was a pretty sound. He grinned at Clint. "Some people think I'm vowed to a chaos god but it's really a side effect."

Clint nodded. "I agree with the other ones."

"It's from sucking up hellmouth energy."

"I'll have to make sure I avoid doing that." He let him in there then walked off to get some sanity from Natasha. She had a lot of sanity and she liked to share with him. If not, Pepper probably had more than Stark could suck from her. Or Thor might.

Steve was shaking his head. "Is he always like that?"

"Yes," Natasha said. "From his files, yes."

"He said he's not vowed to a chaos god, it's from sucking up hellmouth energy."

"I need to figure out how to fix those," Stark said, heading for his lab. Pepper patted him as he walked past her. "Come see me later when you want dinner, Pepper."

"I can do that," she agreed, sipping her ice water.

Thor looked at the others. "Thankfully he is not evil like my brother, even though he does bring chaos like him." He looked at his brother's scepter. Then he went outside to call on his mother. She smiled as she appeared, letting her take the staff from him. She walked in to take the others he had gathered, plus the one laying across the chair. She grimaced at it but nodded, taking it with her. Thor kissed her on the cheek so she could go home. Thor came back in to relax. That was safer and better.

***

Xander walked out of the tower the next morning with the kids in their stroller. He nodded politely at the man who was staring at him. Within a few minutes he was surrounded by agents. "Yes, guys? Problems?"

"You somehow avoided being picked up by the agents in England," one said, smirking at him. "How did you do that?"

"I stole Loki's scepter from HYDRA." He smirked back. "You don't want to do this around my kids, guys. Really."

"How did you get kids?" one sneered.

"You guys made me kids. By the way, thanks." He pulled something and set it off before most of them got their guns out. The one that did screamed when the gas canister hit him in the face. "You guys have fun. We're going to breakfast." He walked around them, nodding at a police officer. "HYDRA hates us Council people. That's why they made me kids." The officer shuddered but called that in. "It's a scale based gas but it's easily washed off. It just stings like I hit them with vinegar." He grinned. "Very handy as a distraction." The officer glared at him. He stared back. "I can ask a poker buddy to come eat them."

"Go away."

"Gladly." He walked off with the kids, pointing out things and explaining them to them. They were happy with that.

Someone stomped into the fast food place, staring at him. "You have children?" he demanded.

"Yeah, HYDRA was trying to breed better future soldiers," he said dryly. "So four out of the ten they had born were mine." The guy shuddered. "Thankfully someone found them for me." He smiled, feeding them bites of eggs. "See, you guys like eggies." They nibbled and Arlin reached for more so Xander let him have them. "So, what's up now that most of the bad guys got exposed?"

"I was going to ask the same thing. Plus for a report."

Xander grinned. "Ask the agents with Stark for that." The agent glared. Xander grinned. "Dawn does that look better when I refuse her chocolate. They probably already have it in agent speak even."

"Fine. How did you hold off those agents in England?"

"Mystical bullshit?" He fed them bites of the biscuits.

"What?"

"I went with what I know. Mystical bullshit and weapons." He gave him a pointed look. "They threatened my kids. What did you expect me to do?"

"Hide."

"I tried that. I had to come protect the slayers. They can't hurt humans." He shot him a look then got back to feeding the kids. "Can I have a few bites, guys?" They grabbed more to nibble on. "Okay, sure, I could lose some weight I guess."

The agent huffed. "We want to debrief you, Harris."

"I've heard more charming offers," he quipped. "And it can wait until they're fed."

"I suppose." He crossed his arms over his chest, tapping a foot while staring at them.

Jesse giggled, patting the scowling one. "Baba." He lifted his gun, making the guy take it back. "Baba!" He stole it again, cuddling it.

Xander sniffled. "I'm so happy, baby. Good boy." He hugged him then the rest. "You guys are so good."

The agent moaned, taking his gun back so he could walk outside to call that in. Xander was still feeding his heathens. An SUV with car seats showed up and Agent Hill got out. He glared at her. "Why are you here?"

"Because we need to debrief him but he's highly protective of his kids," she said dryly. "He's the guy that had the visions about HYDRA and I'm pretty sure there's still things going on we might need to know about."

The agent blinked. "You can use our interrogation room. We want the same thing but he's creepy. He just praised his son for lifting my gun."

"That's very talented for not quite two-years-old." Xander came out with the kids back in the stroller. "I have car seats for them." She let him buckle them in then nodded at the agent. "You can follow and use our lounge to talk to him in."

"Fine."

She got in once all the kids were buckled in and Xander had climbed in. "That was stupid," she said, driving them off.

"What was?"

"Bringing them out of the safety of the tower."

"They creep out all the people in the tower."

"So? It's safer."

"It's safer if I was back in the bush. Then if I had to shoot people everyone would go 'they were probably bad'."

"True." She pulled back into the tower, escorting the other agent upstairs so they could talk in a conference room. The kids were happy to stare out the windows while occasionally coming over to pet their father for hugs. "Okay, first," Hill said. "How did you get Loki's scepter?"

"First I called in a poker debt to watch the kids. They're dwarves and very honorable. I knew they'd be good for the short amount of time I needed to grab it. Then I called in another poker debt who could get me a few places. Which is when I picked up the staff of rage that used to belong to an asgardian warrior who got banished down here." She gaped. He grinned. "That other staff I had? It was one that encouraged rage and anger. Which meant I had a mystical weapon I could use to get the other staff from HYDRA. I ran into Barton there and warned him from touching it because even holding it would bring back what happened to him and possibly summon Loki down from Asgard."

"Okay," Hill said, making that note. "The warrior?"

"He's in Spain I think. Someone else foresaw the command team heading there after the convergence coming up and finding parts of it. Originally the elves hurried HYDRA's outing because of things found during the clean up by Coulson's team."

"If it encouraged rage, how did you hold it?" the other agent demanded.

Xander stared at him. "Do you really think I'm light, fluffy, and happy?" he asked sarcastically. "The vampires started a war with me by taking out someone who was as close to me as a twin. I carry enough anger to let the hellmouth taint I carry out to create a new one somewhere if I need to. That staff's anger? It felt comfy at times. Like a blanket I used to wrap myself in." The agent shuddered, backing up a step.

"Anger like that is damaging," she said bluntly, giving the kids a look then him.

"Jesse was gumming on it," he said with a grin. "Then he'd scowl at whichever sibling was noisy. So far he's my mini me."

"I can see why." She stared at him. "Convergence?"

"Something that starts on Asgard. It'll be some star and planet alignment thing that'll merge all nine realms for a bit. As most noted because they're going to be attacked by an ancient enemy that nearly wiped itself out trying to last ditch their last battle with Thor's people. We'll have some action down here in London but not much. There's only a handful of dark elves left."

She considered that. "I'll talk to Thor."

"I think he's still up there." She nodded. "I politely had Darcy Lewis taken for an hour by a local demon community member in London so she could call out for one of Thor's friends as she's an acknowledged little sister. We got Lady Sif, who we talked to. She's warned them because I saw Thor losing his mother and Loki helping Thor bring down the elves."

"I'd like a copy of that vision along with the ones about HYDRA to make sure we aren't missing any points."

"Oh, there's still some hiding," Xander said dryly. "I got a few this morning."

"We got them," the first agent complained. "What did you use?"

"Fumed up blue scale ash. It's like hitting them with vinegar in the face."

"Which would sting but not cause a huge amount of damage," Hill said. Xander smiled and nodded. "How many weapons are you carrying?"

"How many do I look like I'm carrying," he quipped with a grin.

"Don't play," she warned.

"Um, knife, two more self defense canisters, and a small ball of spell components that would create smoke and light."

She nodded. "No guns?"

"I'm in New York."

"Point. I know you're usually more armed in Africa."

"I have to handle more things in Africa since most of the girls in training aren't anywhere near cities."

"Which we find reasonable," Agent Hill said, staring at him. "Stark told the other fathers?"

"I was going to show up at that arms dealer meeting but then HYDRA started to get found and triggered the vision. Though he did it before all that."

"Hold on, HYDRA got found first?" she demanded.

"Yeah, that's who made the kids." He pointed at them. "And they got paranoid about that. They clenched up to protect some areas, which led to that one lab in Germany being seen by local agents, and six of them being killed. It was that reaction that set off my vision."

"So we were going to trip into them and your vision was a warning of the depth," she said.

"Yeah. I saw a name list that was nearly a case of paper thick, Hill. In every agency. Like a quarter of every agency. Some names flashed out at me and I noted those."

"Can I get a copy of whatever journal you keep visions in?"

"Yeah but it's my bag upstairs."

"I can get it," she said, sending up one of Stark's guards.

Xander pointed. "HYDRA goon," he said with a point. "Wasn't that Ward?" She ran after him. He looked at the agent guy. "So."

"We find you really annoying, Mr. Harris."

Xander grinned. "Giles wanted me to take over the Cleveland house because you guys drove him nuts."

The agent considered it. "At least we can figure out what you're doing when you go shopping."

"You didn't learn how to figure it out based on what they were shopping for?" The agent huffed. "Sorry. That's how I figured it out."

"You had more years."

Hill came back with his pack so he dug out the journal. "Here you go." He found the start of them, letting her have the journal. "Is Giles going to get his wish to go into hiding in London again?"

"Yes," Hill said. "You're heading the main house here in the US because you know how to deal with agents." She smirked at him. "Plus it'll be good educationally for the kids." He rolled his eyes but nodded. "We're giving you two agents to train. Both are formally retired from field work but still fit. They're just burnt out and one nearly didn't get rescued." Xander grimaced but nodded. "You need someone to replace you. We can't let a continent fall, Harris."

"The girls won't trust them."

"They will. Both have cousins in the slayers." She smirked. "We went looking specifically for relatives. That means they won't turn on the girls." Xander grinned, relaxing some. "They're both taking over your role in Africa. One of the slayers out and about got onto the bulletin board to introduce them and we told them that we'd have them to Mr. Giles next week."

"The bulletin board was a great idea of Andrew's."

"We like it as well. The girls need all the support they can get," Hill agreed. She went over the visions, nodding at some. "Huh. Okay." She looked at him. "Who has Loki's scepter?"

"Like I promised, I gave it to Thor last night."

"So it's probably back on Asgard," she decided. He nodded. "You're certain?"

"It liked me. We chatted a few times."

"Oh. Great." She grimaced.

He grinned. "You shouldn't call it that. He was just using it, someone else made it for him. That one left an imprint."

"I don't need to know how." She went back over it, scanning it in to send off. "As you know, we're officially down and out but not permanently."

"I know," Xander agreed. "That's not my job. That's the job of someone like Stark."

"Good point." She stared at him. "We will be rebuilding a battle unit to back up the slayers in larger than average battles."

"Then they'll want to be in Brazil in three months." She flipped through the rest of the visions, grimacing as she scanned them in as well. He grinned. "Yeah. I'm going to see if someone wants to babysit for me."

"We left Paulo alone," she said dryly. "Agent DiNozzo came to SHIELD to get our file on you before he talked to you. The other one fell to the people in his group hating he had a true heir." Xander sighed but nodded. She stared at him. "When you do take over, we would like to set up an agreement to work with you and the Council. That way we're not horrified by sudden ascension battles. Because that was the nastiest thing I've seen in years."

"Us too. Though ours was during our graduation."

She smirked. "That answered a lot of questions about that."

"It was the old mayor, plus he had a force of beings there to eat any of the running meals."

She nodded. "I can understand why and I'll make sure it's a closed file so no one looks at your team for that."

"What?" the other agent demanded. "He just admitted that the supposed gas explosion wasn't!"

"Did you see that demon in DC?" she shot back. He shuddered, shrinking down some.

"The former mayor of Sunnydale turned into one of those during our graduation," Xander said. "There's another one trying but I told the guy I talked to in Istanbul because he's not nearly done."

"That's great," she agreed. "I'd rather stop them before they become immortal for a hundred days or change form." He grinned. "It was a great job letting the local militaries handle them for your team."

"I'm not a military. I'm good but not a full military."

"It's good you understand that." She made notes and looked at him. "What happened when you took down that base?"

"Buffy had to call on the First Slayer for help."

"Oh. That explains the gaps then. All right." She made those notes. "By the way, those scientists are all in jail."

"And two were in the lab when I got the scepter. I wounded them both."

"We'll look into that and if there's other labs." She made that note, staring at him. "Someone suggested you were keeping those embryos because you might be a groupie."

"Yeah, I heard that. I'm not a geek groupie. I know strong geeks. I grew up with Willow, even before she got powers, Hill. I'm keeping the ones that don't get destroyed because if anyone's going to use them it's going to be me and I'm infertile." He gave her a tiny smirk. "I told the coven if they didn't leash Willow I'd be having someone carry that one little girl embryo that's me and Andrew mixed."

She considered it then moaned, shaking her head. "That one might take over the world as a gentle despot." He grinned but nodded. "It'd give Joyceline someone to play with too."

"She's going to be just as strong as the guys are, Agent Hill. I'm not going to let her become a fainting little girly girl, even if she loves kittens, rainbows, and pink stuff. Dawn can kick ass so she can too."

"That's how I was raised," she agreed. She looked at the kids. "What are you guys doing?"

"They're fascinated by wiring recently. I found Henry trying to rewire the Range Rover's radio when I left him in there to change the others. I really need to see why Arlin's not peeing as much as the other three." He let the frown ease off. "Guys, quit trying to rewire the building please," he said. "Come see Daddy." They ran over to get cuddles. "Good kids. Did they do a lot of damage I need to undo?"

Hill looked, then shrugged. "They looked it over but I don't see any wires ripped." Stark walked in, coming over to look at it.

"Sorry, I'll fix it. I wasn't paying attention to them," Xander said, getting up.

"My daughter's a genius," Stark said. The other agent started to splutter and choke.

Xander grinned. "Henry and Arlin like wires. She likes animals so far. She's gotten a few upset farm beasts calmed down. Jesse really likes weapons. He's my mini me so far."

Stark stared at him. "We can see what the kids are really drawn to." Xander stared at him. "She could follow me."

"I don't care what she does for fun or a career as long as she's not the evil overlordess sort. She can be an engineer or a doctor or a playboy bunny for all I care as long as she's happy, she treats all beings well, and she's content."

"I'd hate her to be a playboy bunny," Stark said. "We can make sure she gets a great education so she could become a loving world leader."

"I'd like them all to have good educations. I will let you help me set up for their education funds."

"Agreed," Stark said. He looked at the wires. "Guys, come see my robots in the lab. Can they?"

"As long as you make sure they don't ingest anything weird. Arlin *loves* to taste strange things."

"I can do that," he promised, getting them into their stroller to bring them to the lab. Natasha came in to help. She was amused by the children, who all loved her. Joyceline was busy petting her hair for her while the boys went to play with the robots. The robots weren't sure what to make of them but they were being patted and cooed over.

Natasha looked at the little girl. "You can go play with the boys if you wish," she said.

Joyceline grinned and stuck her finger in her mouth with some of Natasha's hair wrapped around it but cuddled her and gave her the adoring big eyed look.

"Her father said she loves animals."

"I think most children would," Natasha agreed. Pepper came in. Joyceline smiled at her and waved, playing with some of Pepper's hair when she sat down next to Natasha. "I think she likes the shade of red we have."

"Redheads are great women," Stark said with a grin for Pepper. Joyceline spotted something shiny and let the hair go, toddling over to look at it. She scowled, pounding on it. "What's that, pumpkin?" He looked. "That's a tablet." He moved it for her. "It's not a bad thing." She spotted birds and went running for the windows, pounding on it. It blanked out under her hands, making her squeak. Her brothers looked over then went back to the robots. Stark had to hurry over to keep her from crawling out to pet the birds. "Not on the windowsill, Joyceline. Your daddy would be upset if you fell."

Natasha and Pepper hopped up to catch the baby going to take his sister's spot behind Tony's back. He turned but they grabbed him and pulled him back inside. "Put back up the window please, JARVIS." It came back. Jesse huffed but toddled off to look at other things. All three adults had to duck but turn to look at the now holed wall. "Wow," Pepper said.

"Xander said that Jesse was his mini me," Natasha said. "He's said to like weapons."

"I forgot I was reloading the suit," Tony said, going over to check on the cackling, rolling-around baby. "So, Jesse, we like weapons?" he asked with a grin.

Xander hurried in. "Wow, I thought the time you shot the bazooka off was great, son." He picked him up to stare at him. "You okay?" Jesse hugged him, lapping him on the ear. "Thanks, baby boy." He hugged the other three too, bringing Jesse with him.

Stark stole him back. "He's really smart." He carried the kids over to let them look at his suit. Joyceline tried to paint it but girls liked pretty colors.

The two watching intelligent women took notes on what the kids liked. They'd have to consider things like birthday presents.

Steve Rogers walked in. "What happened?"

"This little darling likes weapons," Stark said with a grin. "I wouldn't let his dad take him. Never too early to train my successor."

Steve nodded. "Is that normal for kids?"

"Shiny," Natasha said dryly. "It was shiny."

"Ah." Steve nodded, coming over to help with the kids. He liked kids. They usually liked him. Joyceline tried to paint him too but otherwise the kids considered him like a big kid to play with. That's why they knocked him down to crawl over him.

Pepper relieved Steve by bringing the kids to a bare lab that had a few open walls because it was being renovated. The kids headed for the open areas to ooh and ahh over the wires and structural supports.

***

Xander walked off the elevator a few hours later, staring at the sleeping kids. He looked at Stark, who was looking smug. "Did they learn anything beyond 'quit touching that'?"

"Yes. We talked about wiring. We talked about weapons."

"They do like weapons," Xander agreed, sighing at the end. "Guys, we've got to go to Cleveland later tonight," he said. Arlin glared at him. "I know, I'm mean because I woke you up." He picked him up to cuddle. The baby yawned but let himself be put into the stroller. The others didn't wake up so that was great. "Thanks, Stark. Let me go take over my new duty." He walked them off, gathering the few things in their borrowed rooms. He looked up. "Okay." His phone rang with a text message so he took them outside onto the porch area. The coven brought them all together. The diaper bag had to follow but that was fine. The kids glared at the old ladies that cooed at them. "They're napping after helping someone look at construction stuff and weapons."

"Your children are going to be very weird," one of the witches said. "Children should have toys, not weapons."

Xander grinned. "They have toys and weapons. Including a few toy weapons." She snorted but the kids got rolled into the kitchen area. Andrew stared at them then handed over cookies. Xander smirked. "That's fine. They're not all that sugar reactive."

"That's weird considering you are." Andrew smirked. "I heard something about another daughter?"

"Yup, we have a daughter in waiting," Xander said with an evil grin. "And if the HYDRA and other dirty agents don't leave us all alone, I'm going to have her born so she can take over the world for us. She'll be a nicer, kinder, gentler despot."

Andrew nodded. "Yeah, I can see that. Who would you have carry it?"

Xander grinned. "I'm sure I can find someone who would for me."

"Yeah but they might teach the baby evil."

"Nah, we'll teach her geek things."

"Yeah, we could do that." He considered it. "I'll ask someone I know. I could use someone to fuss over."

"Fuss over Xander's babies," Dawn chirped from the doorway. "Jesse already likes weapons. Joyceline needs to have more cooing too before she turns into my sister."

"I'd rather have Faith as a role model," Xander quipped, giving her a hug. "Or you of course."

"Of course. I'm a great role model." She hugged each of the kids, getting grins back. Andrew handed her cookies and the kids more cookies. "Aww, Andrew's spoiling you guys so you won't fuss when Daddy changes those stinky butt things."

"Oops," Xander said. "Didn't see them laying them." He wheeled them into the nearest bathroom to change.

"I'll add more trash cans to the house," Andrew said, making a list on his notepad. Xander came back out. "Will they need specialty nursery stuff?"

"They sleep on sleeping bags on top of camp cots when I'm traveling." He settled on a bench stool, looking down at the sleeping kids. Then he grinned at Andrew. "I heard Giles wanted me to handle here, Faith to take over my spot, and he's hiding in England?" Andrew nodded, grimacing some. "Then we'll handle it." He gave Dawn a one-armed hug. "It can't be worse than driving across the Sahara for five days with three kids with the runs and one puking every few minutes. Though I will miss being able to threaten dicks who bother us." He looked back at the women coming in. "Does Faith know how to shoot? She'll need to so she can kill snakes."

"I believe she can," one of the witches said. Xander nodded. They looked at the kids then at him. "Nursery?"

"Camp cot? Sleeping bag on top to pad it? Yup." The witches scowled. He shrugged. "It's good."

"They're not in the bush any longer. They need proper rooms," she said firmly.

"They can have usual rooms but don't get too happy with the frilly pink stuff for Joyceline."

"Good." She patted all the kids on the head. "Which one is the girl?" He looked and pointed. "You can't tell."

"Which is safer in some ways," he said.

"I hadn't thought of that. We'll figure it out. I'm sure the slayers would adore looking for cute outfits for them."

"As long as my kids don't look like Buffy on a date patrol," he said blandly, giving her a look. "I can just see my son in a booty skirt."

"Ow, brain hurts," Andrew muttered, shaking his head quickly. "Now I'm seeing that daughter they have in storage between us dressing like her and Faith."

Xander looked at him. "I could stand the leather pants. I can't and won't put up with booty skirts."

Andrew looked at him. "Go back to Africa?" he begged.

"Talk to Giles," he said with a cheesy grin. Andrew groaned, shaking his head. "Nothing says she has to come into being. Though if people annoy me too much? I've gotten three offers of someone who'll gladly carry her."

Andrew looked at her. "If so, I've got to make her the evil overlordess sort."

Xander laughed, giving him a one-armed hug. "That's called the president in the US, Andrew." Andrew moaned a happy sound, walking off with that thought. Xander grinned at the witches, who were all shaking their heads and sighing. They went up to set up the nursery for the children and Xander's room so he could be alone with them when he wanted sanity. It was clear the slayers staying in this house wouldn't be helping his sanity any since all they could do was coo at the scowling kid they woke up.

***

One of the few remaining SHIELD agents showed up at the Council house the next day, staring at the man who opened the door. "May we speak to the insane one who made threats against the US please?" she asked politely.

"Xander's upstairs giving the kids a bath and he hasn't put out any threats."

"Yes he has. That child between you two would destroy humanity," she said dryly.

"I think it'll be great. She can become the first or second female president." Andrew smirked at her. "Secondly, if you have our house bugged, I'm going to have to destroy them and whoever put those in here as there's no warrant. Are you admitting you're carrying out illegal listening programs in the US?"

"The whole government hates you guys," she said. "To them it's sanity saving."

"Watch me take up my old evil geek role," he assured her, looking smug.

"Unless you're going to turn all of the bad agents that're still free into giant slugs, don't make threats that'll get us raided, Andrew," Xander called. Then someone screamed as they got thrown down the stairs. "By the way, you're late, Sharon. I've had these three in the closet for the last four hours." Two more came flying down the stairs screaming in pain. "And if they come near my kid again *I* am going to become the next evil and possibly even the next president. I know a few poker contacts who'd *adore* having me there." He slammed a door. "C'mon, guys, let's finish the bath stuff. Then we'll call the daddies to see if they want to meet you boys."

She gathered up the agents, putting them into her SUV's trunk area. She came back to smile at Andrew. "Are there others?"

"No, I fed the ones I found to the hellhounds we have nursing puppies in the garden," he said with a smile then slammed the door in her face. "Xander, why do you get to become the president?"

"The poker circuit wants you to be the VP and take over if I fall," he called. "And so you can follow me. Plus I'm a bit older so we won't have to wait as long."

"That's a good point and I could easily do that," he decided, looking up what it took to become a world leader. He could definitely do that and it would make the world safer for the slayers.

Xander came down the stairs following the kids. "I can point out I've handled major demon battles," Xander said with a grin for him. "That'd make me look like a hero."

"Yes it would. I need to help more so they like me more. That way no more try this."

Xander put the kids into their high chairs. "Can you get them dry cereal and sippy cups?"

"I can do that." He moved to get them bowls of dry cereal to nibble on and cups of milk to sip. Otherwise they'd have to hand-feed the kids the damp cereal so it didn't get slung everywhere for Andrew to clean up.

Xander got into the closet, pulling out something impressive and shiny. He walked to the door, opening and walking outside. The gun was against his shoulder and he was smiling. He grinned at the staring people. "You guys kept my kids up. Do you really want to continue that bad habit?" The news people fled for their lives. The agents all backed away slowly. One cleared his throat. Xander looked at him. "Yes, Agent Hellhound Chow?"

"Mr. Harris, we'd like to get reports on what you handled in Africa," he said with a shaky smile. "That way we know what to come to you about if it suddenly pops up in the US."

"I'm the Council's present seer, Agent Alpo. Also, a lot of that was suppressed by the native governments so they didn't have to admit it happened to their people."

"You have kids?" one of the agents demanded.

Xander smiled. "HYDRA made me four kids. They also made me some embryos in storage." He grinned. "I love my quad of future badasses. Even my daughter will be a badass that makes the slayers appreciate them." He looked at that one agent. "Beyond even that, there's copies floating around. You might have to take them from the bad agent sorts. After all, they wanted to make future soldiers and used my DNA a *lot* for a *reason*."

The agent nodded, calling that in. "Sir, I'm told that there's reports on what Mr. Harris has done floating around, possibly in HYDRA hands as they made him the father of some of the future soldiers they were creating."

Xander grinned at him. "Thanks, dude."

One of the newspeople waved her hand. "Mr. Harris, have you seen the next battle we'll have?"

"I only see apocalypse battles and other big things," he said with a grin. "It'll be in February but as far as I know there's plans for three others happening before then that aren't expected to be as large. Hopefully by then the slayers can safely come out of hiding."

"What was that thing in DC?" she called.

"It's called an ascension. It's a human turning into an older, pure demon. It takes a long time, there's multiple ways, and they're no less than forty-eight feet." She shuddered. "The largest is at least ninety and we're pretty sure human height does impact how long they end up depending on which set of rites they did. I've already told some people in Istanbul about the one in Cypriot."

The agent moaned, repeating that to his boss. "Sir, my supervising agent would like to know where you got that most interesting gun?"

"I won it in an oral sex game." He grinned. "She was really sweet to let me play. I wasn't on their expected list but I showed up and I was battle tense. I won this one and a few others for the slayers to use in battle or to protect ourselves." He gave him a pointed look. "I've already had to hand over three dirty agents that broke in last night and Andrew fed a few dirty agents to the hellhound nursing her pups out back. Do we *really* have to keep up this problem? I'd like to spend today playing with my kids. They'd like that too."

"Um... We'd gladly take any dirty agents from your house, sir. Are they still here?"

"Agent Carter got them."

"All right." He listened. "My boss said thank you for handing them over in a condition that they could be questioned in." Xander grinned at him, shifting his weight some. "We really don't want to be a threat."

"Dude, if I thought you were really a threat, I'd be calling a poker buddy and ask to be made the next president of the US. I can guarantee if I have to so the slayers are protected, then so be. I'll suffer a tiny bit by wearing suits." The agent went pale, nodding quickly that he understood. "Great." He grinned. "Now, anything else?" One of the boys ran out squealing. Xander caught him by the shirt, picking him up one-handed. "Hi, Arlin."

"Hi!" he chirped, waving at them. "Dicks!"

"Didn't I tell Dawn to not teach you that word?" He looked at him. "Naughty word, Arlin."

"Oooh."

"More like ewww."

"Ewww." He grinned and waved. "Dicks!"

"No," he said, carrying him inside. He had to catch Joyceline, who was out there staring at the agents. He got there as she pulled up her dress to pee on them. He sighed. "That's not polite, daughter. You shouldn't hate them until they try to kill you." He scowled at her. "Are you done?" She pouted but put her dress back down, running inside when he pointed. He shook his head. "I don't know who taught her that move." He walked inside, kicking the door shut. "Bathroom so I can clean you, Joyceline."

Andrew was giggling. He hugged the other two. "You guys could do it later. That way they don't wonder about you."

***

In DC, someone got an email so she opened the news report, watching it. She sent it upstairs, then went up there. She flipped on the video, fast forwarding it. "Tony?" He looked at her. "Look." She let it run, pointing. "That's Arlin."

He stared, mouth open. "My son ...." He laughed at him calling the reporter and agents dicks. "Yeah, he's right. Still not polite." He blinked a few times at the little girl that ran out to pee on someone. "Wow. That's Stark's daughter, right?" She nodded. "He only has one girl?"

"So far. He's got something like sixty embryos stored by the gossip."

Tony DiNozzo nodded. "I...."

"We're going to Cleveland next week," his boss said. Gibbs rewound the video to watch it. "The kid's cute. We've got paperwork in saying he's your son so if something happens because of that one's mouthiness you can step in to take the kid out of danger. He sent them last week."

Tony sighed but nodded. "I have no idea what to do with the kid."

Gibbs nodded. "Neither did I." He looked at Abby. "Anything else on them?"

"Not yet. He's been good keeping them out of the news." She hugged him. "I thought you'd like to see that." She grinned. "It's in your email." She bounced off again.

Tony looked, marking it to save. He looked at Gibbs. "At least the kid will be able to protect himself when he's older."

"He should be able to. Get back to work, think bad thoughts on your break, DiNozzo."

"Yes, boss."

***

Xander looked up from shopping for the kids, nodding at the slayer helping him. He looked at the cart. Three of the four were napping on each other in the basket part. The other one was cuddling his new favorite shirt that was really meant for his sister. So he had two in there. She held up a cute dress. "For *my* kid?"

"She's got to have girl times, Xander."

"Why does she need a dress to do that? She's too young to appreciate being in a dress."

"It's a girl thing," she said dryly, staring at him.

He nodded. "She can't climb things in a dress. When she's old enough to pick out her own clothes she can learn how to wear a dress. As shown the other day, she doesn't do great in them yet."

"It was cute though. And so's this so you can do pictures?"

"Who would I send them to?"

"There's a baby book," the saleswoman said with a smile. "Oh, you're *him*." She smiled. "We saw you on tv the other day."

Xander nodded. "They're not quite two yet. She's too young to wear a dress."

The slayer huffed but put it into the cart anyway. Arlin liked it, he took it to cuddle with the shirt that had glitter puppies. He was even making kissy noises as he put them together. Xander grinned, taking film of that one. The slayer was doing the same thing, smiling at the little guy. "Are they happy together, Arlin?"

He smirked at her and nodded. "Good boys."

"They are good boys," Xander said, patting him on the head. "We'll figure all that out later." He patted him again then picked out a few more things with slayer help. They'd be happy with the new clothes to stain and mess up. He checked out, noticing that the lady had charged him ten percent more than she should have but he only gave her a look as he paid.

"Xander, she overcharged you," the slayer said as they walked out.

"I noticed."

"Giles told us to note those."

"I will so none of the rest of you girls shop there." He gave her a one-armed hug and let her push the stroller. The sales lady behind them was sneering but oh well. "People can be like that about our jobs. Or about me being a single dad I guess," he sighed. The security guard glared at him. "The kids are mine, not hers," he shot at him. The guard stomped off. He looked at her, getting a shrug back. "I'm keeping you from going to beat the shit out of someone."

"It's a good thing to do with the heretic lady over there," she said with a point. "She actually misquoted her book to prove we're evil for saving their lives."

"There's people like that everywhere," Xander told her. "The same as there's people who're supposedly christian who burn their kids for supposedly being witches in Africa. I ran into plenty that thought I was evil for saving them and for only having one eye. The kids are just extra special topping on top. They hadn't even heard about Willow yet." She grimaced, shaking her head with a sigh. "Yeah, you'll run into those sort. Offer to train them. If they feel that strongly about what we do, they're more than welcome to come take the training and be a normal guy hunter like I am."

"I hadn't thought about that." She paused to smile at the person following them. "Yes?"

"Is she your girlfriend?" the guard demanded.

"No, she's one of my trainees. I'm keeping her from beating the crap out of someone who tried to beat her first last week." Xander stared at him. "I'm not presently dating and they're my kids, thank you for assuming." The guard sneered. "Listen...." He looked at his name tag. "Bob, she's a slayer, I'm her trainer and the head of the local house. The kids are mine, and if I had any idea that your mall was so full of people who would rather die than deal with reality, then I would've taken my kids somewhere else to shop. As is, we're going to do that after a stop for a milkshake somewhere nicer than your cheesy little mall."

He looked around then at him. "I've seen better malls in South Africa." He walked off with her again, taking the stroller to push. "Don't even go talk to her. If she comes over, you are mute," he ordered. "You're a child and shouldn't have to deal with adults who have issues like hers." He glared at the woman glaring at them. "Unlike Giles, I'm not the nice guy of the Council, ma'am. Quit glaring at my slayer." She gasped and ran off. He got them out to the car, putting the kids in with her help then turning to look at the actual officer that showed up. "We nearly got pounced by the bigot patrol inside so I had to say something," he said dryly. "Is there a problem with that?"

"No, sir. Are you Council? Can I see your ID?" Xander pulled out his Council ID to hold up. "You're not one we usually see."

Xander smiled. "I'm the guy that was off-site training the girls in Africa until Giles got tired of the bullshit we just got inside." He grinned. "I didn't save the world four times almost all by myself to deal with bigots."

"I'm sure you shouldn't have to but it is a public space."

"Yes, it is, and therefore open for all. Including us. We don't put up with them picketing the house. I'm not going to put up with them saying things to my kids or the younger slayers I've got in training. Giles has tact. I lost mine on the way to Africa and it wasn't something I picked up when I had to handle bad things going on. Including the humans being the bad things going on," he warned. Then he relaxed. "All we were doing is picking up my kids some new clothes. We'll gladly go somewhere...better."

"Especially since the store overcharged us on purpose," the slayer said from the car. "Oh, hey, you're Millie's cousin."

"I am, Sarah."

"I'm Xander," he said with a grin.

"Oh! She talked about you but not that you had kids."

"HYDRA wanted to make some better future soldiers so they made me four of them and some embryos." He grinned at him. "They're all just under two."

"Poor guy."

"Only one girl though."

"Even better but still, poor guy."

"Thanks." He smiled. "We stayed polite but I'll be damned if they're going to try on one of us. Or the house. Or the girls at the school. I've already talked to the principals about all that stuff. They realize I'm not genteel like Giles. I don't have a title. I don't have manners. I grew up hard in Sunnydale and it didn't get much better in Africa."

"I can understand that. One's purple."

Xander looked then sighed, pulling her out to change her once she had sighed in pleasure. "Feel better?" She fussed. "I'm working on it." He finished changing her, using a bag Sarah emptied to toss the dirty stuff into. He put her back into the car seat then buckled her back in. "Better? Anyone else need changed?" Sarah giggled. "Sometimes it pays to ask." He leaned on the door, looking at the officer. "I promise I won't be shopping here again unless it's an emergency. The girls can find somewhere else to buy their patrol clothes than the shop in there."

"That's fine, Mr. Harris. Can I check the car seats?"

"Please. I followed directions but I know I may have them too loose." The officer checked, wiggling one. It got hitched in better by Xander. "That good?"

"That's good. Very nicely done. A lot of parents do the same things." He shut the door, looking at him. "Try for polite?"

"I can't be polite at bigots. I tried that and it nearly got me burned at a stake."

"I get that. Try?"

"I can try but I can tell you I don't have that sort of patience."

"I can understand that. Just wait until they start dating."

Xander snorted, shaking his head. "I'll be lucky to make it that far so I'll float around them to nag about the slayers dressing all four of them in booty skirts." The officer walked off laughing. Xander tossed out the bag then came back to get in and drive off. "Okay, let's go mine the fence with things to keep anyone not Council off it."

"Leave the officers an out," she reminded him.

"I can do that." He paused at a stoplight and heard something hit the car. He drove off after beeping and taking their pictures. That guy tried to follow them but oh well. Xander pulled in and got out, locking the others blatantly in the car. He walked over to pull the arrow out of near his gas fill valve, tossing it to the guy. "I'm a better shot than that." The man went pale and backed up. "Be aware I've upped the security around the slayers and their usual haunts, sir. We don't put up with things Giles had. I'm not genteel or landed gentry like he is." He stared at him. "You firing on my car, with my children in it, will get you sued and arrested."

"The city hates you," he sneered.

"Then you and the rest of you that think that should get up off your asses and go handle it yourselves. Because I'm not risking making my kids orphans to save people like you." The man yelled and came at him with a hunting knife out. Xander kicked the knife, punched him, and sent him to the ground crying at the pain in his neck. "Hmm. The things you learn when you have to take on a militia group to save a slayer." He stared down at him until officers got there. "Guys, I upped the security system so there's tape," Xander said dryly, looking up at one. "He followed us home after shooting an arrow into my car, with my kids in it." He pointed at the hole. "I was fully reasonable until he decided to get his hate on. Then...he rushed me."

"We have tape from the security system," Andrew said from the doorway. He waved a disc. "The guy attacked Xander. Xander only hit him once."

"I'm pressing charges," the guy cried.

"So am I," Xander said with a smile for him. "Because you tried to kill not only myself and a slayer, but also my four kids." The man blinked and wiggled back. "Keep going. Really."

"Sir," one of the officers said.

Xander smiled at him. "Xander Harris, new head of this house while Giles is in London. Formerly the head training watcher in Africa and normal hunter guy on Buffy's team in Sunnydale."

"Oh." He looked back then at him. "We've heard of you."

Xander grinned. "I'm not usually an asshole but he fired an arrow into my car to try to kill my kids. Thankfully I have stuff on the car to block explosives." He walked over to grab the arrow the guy had thrown, handing it over. "The blinky thing is an explosive. I've used one to blow up the side of a jail that was holding someone hostage."

"That ...makes more sense. Can you get your kids out of the car?"

"Sarah, go ahead." She got out, getting the kids out and ushering them inside.

Joyceline walked over, smiling at the officer. "Good boy you." She glared at the idiot on the ground. "You bad like vampy." She walked off once Sarah came to grab her.

Arlin came over, smiling at the bad guy. He even dodged his father's grab attempt. "Enough," Xander ordered. "I can handle it, son. Go inside with Sarah to watch PBS please." He turned him around and pointed. The boy huffed. "Sarah will unpack the clothes." He ran inside with a squeal. Xander felt the guy move and ducked to the right then hit the guy trying to pounce him. "That was truly stupid," he said dryly. "Did you think I didn't learn anything handling the slayers in the bush?"

The officers watching were all wincing and one was calling for an ambulance.

"You'll all die, even those unnatural children!" he shouted.

Xander leaned down. "Unless you want to be rendered permanently mute, I'd shut the fuck up," he said slowly and clearly. "Because threats to the slayers or my kids? I'll avenge them in a way that make angels come down to beg me to stop it and not get their way." He stared at him. "You. Ain't. Shit," he said clearly. "Never will be. Never have been. Certainly aren't now. I've seen better minions than you. Hell, I've seen tougher non-slayer teenage girls than you. I've seen tougher cheerleaders than you." The man got up again with a scream of rage. Xander grabbed him and threw him back down. "You wanna go again? Not a problem with me. I haven't had to get into a fight with militia members in almost a month now. Hell, I could probably even sacrifice your unworthy blood to lay some protections on the house."

Andrew leaned out. "Hubert just called, Xander. He said he's too unworthy to sacrifice for blood protections. You'll have to feed him to a minion since he's barely worthy of that."

"Huh, thanks, Andrew." He grinned at the guy. "One of the top demons in the city said you're not even worthy of sacrificing. Such a pity but I can use you as bait to get the new pack of minions coming up if you'd like."

"We'd like him living more, Mr. Harris," one of the officers said, smiling at him.

Xander grinned back. "You sure? He'll just take up room that could be used by someone who actually deserves jail."

"Yeah, we're sure we'd rather have him than clean up the mess you'd make of his body later by using him to lure minions."

Xander nodded, dragging the guy over. "Sure. You have him. By the way, I've upped the security system here, the school the majority of the girls go to, and a few other places that usually house slayers. Including their personal beacons." He grinned. "I'm not going to let the girls be hurt by *average* things. I also scare dates."

"That makes you a good big brother," one quipped. "I did it to my sister all the time." Xander grinned and nodded. "Can we have him?"

Xander looked down then at him. "Please do. I have to make sure my kids won't remember this stuff. I'm one of those overprotective dads."

"We can see that," another officer agreed. He looked at the guy. "Are you still going to press charges?" The man was crying but shook his head. "Good."

"I am," Xander said with a grin. "I'm the ultimate overprotective asshole over my kids." He walked off. "Have whoever we liaison with show up later on with maps so we can remake the patrol routes. With most of the senior slayers being gone I've got to remake them."

"Sure, I can tell him that. Thank you, Mr. Harris. And you as well, Mr. Wells."

"You're welcome," Andrew called. "Xander, I'm making dinner."

"Cool. I can help. I do a great stew and stuff. Have a great day, guys." He got the bags from the car, bringing them inside. Arlin stole them to dig for his new favorite things.

"Giles said to please calm down," Andrew said quietly.

Xander grinned. "I warned him I didn't have tact any longer and I don't put up with that bullshit. I never have but I certainly don't now. The last time I let someone like that get something on me, I had just broken up with Cordelia."

"She was tougher than that guy," Andrew agreed, heading for the kitchen. "Get the kids ready for dinner."

"Okay. Let's put up the new clothes so you guys can wear them tomorrow," he said. He carried most everything upstairs with Sarah's help. Jesse had one of her new bras and would not let it go.

***

A few days later, Xander opened up the house's door, staring at the older guy waiting there. "Who're you?" the guy demanded, glaring at him.

"I was about to ask the same thing since I don't think many of the girls would date someone your age." He stared at him. "Are you an agent or with the local department?"

"I'm ....you've never seen my movies?"

"No, not too many of them in Africa, dude." He smirked a tiny bit. "I'm the head hunter of the group, the one training slayers in Africa until Giles needed to go home. Andrew? Sarah?"

They both came out there. "Oh, it's you, Bradlin," she said, smiling and shaking his hand. "He's following a few of us on patrol to learn how to hunt," she told Xander with a grin. "It's for a role and the other girls liked to ask him questions about the tabloid stuff."

"Well, we do have patrol tonight," Xander said, looking at her. "I think it's you, me, and Elisa?" She nodded but Andrew huffed. "Sorry, 'Drew. Did you need Elisa tonight?"

"She's going to be cranky, Xander."

Xander gave him a bored look. "I've seen how many cranky slayers?" he asked dryly. "Including Buffy?"

"Point. If anyone can deal with the cranky princess moment, you've seen them all." He walked off. "Elisa, you're leaving for patrol in twenty minutes and still need to look at the map!" he yelled. "Xander remade the routes!"

"Too standard means people can find you easier," Xander quipped. "I guess it's okay as long as Sarah doesn't mind," he decided, letting the actor guy in. "Sarah, we have three areas we have to hit tonight."

"Three?" she asked. "Big problems?"

He stared at her. "It'll probably be a Sunnydale level patrol," he said. "Three hours. Six rising in two cemeteries and one huger issue."

"Oh, great. Let me go put on better patrol shoes." She looked at herself. "And jeans." She went up to change. "Elisa, we're hitting three spots tonight. Wear the comfy running shoes," she said as she walked past the younger slayer's doorway. "Xander's leaving in twenty minutes and he will drag you behind him in your jammies." She went into her shared room to change into jeans, a t-shirt, and running shoes, plus grabbed her weapons. She came down tucking the stakes into her pockets but Xander showed her how to use her belt loops for them and a few other places like her hair. Elisa came downstairs with a teenage girl sigh of displeasure. Xander swatted her but showed her the same things, plus handed her a crossbow.

"I suck at these," she warned, looking it over.

Xander stared at her. "Carry it over your shoulder by the strap anyway and pick up a short sword too," he said simply. "You each have weapons you're better with. Use what your strengths are. Each slayer is her own myth. Like a warrior goddess that men can actually drool on." He grinned. "Okay?" She nodded, getting a blade she liked. "That's a machete. I don't discourage using it but the length can be a liability in a fight. I taught all my former girls how to use one, and most knew how to cut with one in the field already, but sometimes you want a bit more length."

"I'm still working on figuring out swords, Xander," she complained in a near-whine.

He stared at her. "Then why are you on the trainee patrol roster?"

"Because some of the old liners are idiots," she said with a grin.

He nodded. "Yes, they are. Did you at least pass demonology three and through Faith on self defense?" She nodded. "Then we'll handle it and move you to my trainee class tomorrow afternoon. You, Sarah, and Jessica."

"She's on the rag," Sarah said. "No hope of getting her."

Xander nodded. "That's sometimes a huge concern for you guys. You all know they make birth control pills that can stop those, right?" he asked with a grin.

"Yeah," they said in unison, Sarah smiling at him.

"Good. I hate having to fear the midol bottle or teaching my kids to fear it." He looked around. "Andrew, do you have the kids?"

"Yup," he called from the kitchen. "You've got four hours."

"We can handle that." He pulled out the map to show them. "Based on newspaper incidents reported." They nodded, marking the routes with a finger. Xander detoured one. "Road work and we're driving between those three." They nodded. "Hit here, hit here, then finish up with the huge problem." They nodded and so did Bradlin so they left together. "Guys, in the trunk are extra blades and a few guns if we need them," he said as he drove them off. "There's a few higher demons you can shoot."

"Buffy hates guns," Elisa reminded him.

"Oh, I know. Wes tried to introduce the topic back when the Council had him take over." He rolled his eyes, making Elisa laugh since she was in the front with him. "Then she yelled at me for taking out a huge demon with a piece of artillery last year. That's why I never mailed in reports."

"I heard Giles complaining about that and Andrew reminded him why with a point at Willow during breakfast one day," Sarah said, smiling at Bradlin. "It took her six days to change him back from a kitten."

"It took her over a year to change Amy back from a rat," Xander said dryly. "I'm still not sure that her time as a rat wasn't why she went bad." The girls laughed. "It could be why she went to the magic dealer, which then ended up getting Willow hooked and into problems."

"Could be," Sarah agreed. "I don't know much about psychology."

"Unfortunately she does," Xander said as he parked the car at the cemetery. "Her parents were shrinks and she read all their books to me and Jesse." The girls groaned. He grinned at them. "Her parents were gone so often she had no idea where they were for *years* after they almost burned her on a pole thanks to demonic influences. They even missed all the so-called 'important girl moments' like the prom and graduation." He got out, herding the girls in front of him. "We have two raising here, ladies." They nodded, heading for the newer section of the cemetery. Bradlin kept up and had his own stakes so that was good. When a vampire pounced them out of nowhere, the actor did a good job of protecting himself but Xander still got it for him. That slaying and the other cemetery went well.

The problem came in the third location, with the bigger problem. At least twice as many demons as the local PD had heard were going to gather. Sacrificial victims, including a female officer and a few younger, preteen girls. Most of the demons had higher weapons than swords or claws for once. Xander looked at the girls. "Elisa, car, call," he said. She ran off, Sarah guarding her path when someone tried to interrupt it. Xander shot one of them. That blew their almost-cover of surprise but it had to happen to protect the young one. Xander looked at the demons. "No wonder I got asked to attend today."

One of the demons snorted. "You're not worthy to be here, Harris."

Xander shot him in the balls, making him scream but fall down whining. "Really? Ya think? I would've thought I had proved my worth more than once in Africa." A few laughed so he shot them too. A few of the demons rushed them. He and Sarah protected the actor, who was doing ...okay enough. "Bradlin, car," Xander ordered. He ran off, calling that in to 911. Elisa came out with the higher weapons, firing it on the demons.

Xander grinned at her. "Nice. Some warning though?" She ran over a few more cases, letting him and Sarah handle it. "Car, Elisa. Guard you both and any officers that show up." She nodded, running back, tripping once but Bradlin helped her. They fired on the main group. When more were down, he sent Sarah to free the victims and get them back to the car for now. Elisa could guard them with the actor guy while Xander kept the demons busy. It worked well until a much higher demon showed up.

"I wanted one of them," he complained.

"Fucking yay!" Xander complained back. "You can't do that on this realm. Or at least in this country. We don't like selling kids."

The demon shrugged. "Some still will."

"Yeah, some parents are horrible," Xander said dryly. "Since you're being thwarted, why don't you go home?"

"I'm not being thwarted." Xander shot him a few times, making him shriek in pain. "You little shit," the demon sneered, letting his healing work. Xander kept shooting until he ran out of bullets. It took longer for the healing to happen but it was happening as the other demons tried to protect him. Sarah managed to get all the kids free and got them to Elisa. One of the demons threw a dagger at her, hitting her on the hip. Bradlin fired on it until it finally died while Elisa pulled her to the car.

Xander pulled something out of his pocket then nodded and activated it before tossing it at the demons. It went off, making them scream as the modified holy water bomb dissolved half of them. The big guy, still there and now madder. The others were more injured. Xander got most of them down but he was getting more injured every few minutes. Finally it was him and the big demon. "So, still here?"

"I should say the same thing, Harris. You're not worthy of me fighting but I suppose I can lower my standards this time."

Xander grinned, wiping some blood off his split lip. "I was thinking the same thing. Now, Sarah!" She threw something at them. Xander scooped it up and threw it on the demon, making him scream and writhe on the ground as the acid ate through him. Xander beheaded it then chopped the various parts off the main torso. Then he chopped that in half, stepping back to wipe off the sweat and blood. "Okay. Let's make sure he can't revive. Let's burn him."

"Cops do that for us," Elisa called. She looked at the officers who had shown up.

"Yeah, we have a fire department team to do that for you ladies," one of the officers said. He waved the paramedics over now that it was safer. "Get the hunter guy."

Xander limped back, waving them off. "Get the kids first. I can do my own at the house." He stared at the slayers. "You two get treated too." They nodded. "Take Bradlin. I'll have Andrew come pick you guys up?" They nodded and the slayers were loaded in with the victims. Xander looked at the staring actor. "I don't let anyone do medical stuff for me." He got into the car, driving off once the ambulances had left with everyone else.

Sarah looked at the staring officer with them. "Xander was with Buffy in Sunnydale. Then he went to be our trainer in Africa because none of the rest of us could live that rough."

The officer nodded. "I've seen how tough he is but that's really...wow."

"Yeah, usually he uses an axe," Elisa said with a small shrug. She only had a few bruises but the kids were clinging to her. "He did some stuff in Africa that made Buffy scream about normal guys. Again."

The officer shook his head. "Guys like him aren't normal."

"You don't know Buffy that well," Sarah quipped. "Anyone who's not gifted in some way or a werewolf is considered normal."

The officer shook his head. "She's in London with Mr. Giles?" They nodded. "Well, hopefully someone over there will show her about real normal people instead of what she considers normal." They shook their heads. "They might."

"It's been going on since their senior year," Sarah said dryly. "Her and Willow both."

The officer nodded. "Plus the HYDRA guys used him to make kids for future soldiers without telling him," Elisa said. "Rumors said that some group in Africa found the kids in the lab and called Xander a few months ago."

Sarah nodded. "He's a really overprotective dad too. When some guy tried to blow us up for daring to get the kids new clothes, a lot of you guys showed up to make Xander give the idiot to them instead of using him as a toy."

Elisa shuddered. "I saw that from the window. Xander went *off* on the idiot. That was after he upped all the security at the school and at the house." Sarah nodded. "But the kids are cute little mess monsters."

"Sarcastic little messy monsters," Sarah said with a smile for her. "But they're sweet enough to make me want one some year far in the future."

"Arlin is a little heathen but he follows you like you're his favorite goddess," Elisa told her.

"I have kitty pictures. He likes kitties."

"Ah." Elisa nodded. "I've seen them love Willow's cat she conveniently forgot. The poor thing is still hiding from them in the pantry or on top of the dryer since they can't see on top of it yet."

"Xander said earlier he's getting them all stuffed friends to spare the cat's fur," Sarah said dryly. Elisa smiled at her. "You could probably go with them to pick them out."

"I could. I could use some shopping."

"Watch out for the idiots who hate us. He and I ran into a few when we were getting the kids clothes. The store overcharged us and all that great stuff."

"Great," Elisa said dryly. "I can guard our backs if he can't. Or help with the kids." She smiled at the ones clinging to her. "It's okay, guys. We'll deal with it and protect you guys. That's what slayers do." They smiled at her and relaxed again, one sucking her thumb. She looked at the officer. "So...protocol when we get there?"

"I'll call a social worker I trust and an older female officer to come help us." He looked at the other ambulance that was behind them then at her. "Also someone to come take statements from the older victims." He smiled. "You two can get anything you need fixed up while we're in one room. The kids will feel safer with you there."

"That's fine."

"Why doesn't Harris go to the ER?" he asked.

"Well, there's mermaid taint," Sarah said, making the officer give her an odd look. "He got exposed back in high school trying to figure out why some of the swim team were changing according to the Sunnydale stories the others told us. Also, Xander hates doctors. Apparently his parents were worthless piles of flaming excrement and Willow used to play nurse when he needed stitches."

The officer nodded. "We have social workers for parents like that here."

"Thankfully, Xander's not like his," Sarah quipped with a grin.

"That's actually a great thing. It means he'll be supportive of you ladies as well." They grinned at him. The ambulance turned a corner. "We're at the hospital." The ambulance started to back up. "I'll get out first and help lead the kids in." The slayers nodded, letting him hop out with the paramedic to hand out the kids to them. Nurses came out to help. "They were almost sacrificial victims but these two nice slayers and their trainer got there in time. There's another ambulance of them."

"Is he there?"

"Xander ignores the fact that hospitals exist unless he has malaria or something," Sarah quipped. "He does his own stitches." The nurses all grimaced but they were like that. That's why they were nurses. They got the kids and others into the bigger exam room so they could help with the kids. A few doctors came in. Bradlin was letting one of the girls cry on him but the nurses let him handle it for now. Sarah smiled at him. "You're good," she said quietly.

"She's sweet and needs it." He looked at her. "You ladies do insane things." The slayer nodded, smiling at him. "Thanks."

"Not a problem," Sarah quipped. "We need people to know that we're just normal girls with a really bad calling." Bradlin smiled at her. "Maybe it'll help us when we try to date."

"Boys aren't ready for girls as strong as you two yet but when they're older they'll be more ready."

"We'd get yelled at for dating college guys," Elisa said dryly, shaking her head. "Xander would complain a lot."

"Only if you're underage," Sarah said. "As long as we're at least sixteen and there's not a huge age gap, like he's thirty, we're good with Xander. He only gets mad at the people who married off his baby slayers to really old guys. He stomped on one until that old guy begged for mercy from the Goddess and his god. But the mini slayer was only ten and he was almost seventy."

The nearest nurse shuddered. "Guys like that need a good dose of God's foot up their behinds." The slayers grinned at her. "Even in places where things like that happen it's too big of an age gap." Sarah nodded. She got done with the young girl she was helping and stepped back. "There, princess, all better. Okay?" She nodded, taking Elisa's hand back. "Sure, you hang onto the slayer. She's a good girl to protect you until someone else can." She ruffled her hair. "Good girl." She went to help with Sarah's injuries. "Huge fight?"

"We used artillery and it still didn't fully work," she sighed.

The nurse nodded. "Damn."

"Basically, yeah," she sighed, curling up some. "Xander finished the fight while I got the kids out of the way to Elisa. She was on a training patrol with Bradlin, who was learning how to be a hunter."

The nurse looked at the actor then at her. "At least he's the helpful sort."

"He helped a lot. He protected the kids. He helped by firing on some of the demons to keep them off me."

"That's great." She helped the older slayer out of her t-shirt to see the few cuts she had healing. "Looks like we can do a few strips and stitch the really deep one so it heals properly without too much of a scar." Sarah smiled at her. "Let me get the doctor to do that." He came over at that mention to look, getting to work on the closing up.

By the time Andrew got there, the social workers had descended with a few older officers who looked like they could be grandparents. The kids went with them when Elisa encouraged it and showed them they'd be safe with them. They'd handle it and the officers had all the statements they'd need. They got back to the house, finding Xander finishing up his stitches with the kids staring at him like he was doing mystical things.

"Is that really good for them to see?" Sarah asked.

"They fussed until I let them see. I guess me being injured freaked them out some," Xander said, looking up before finishing the last few stitches. "There. All better, guys." They came over to pat him then went to pat Sarah and Andrew. Who hugged them. They ran off giggling for the kitchen. "Bedtime," Xander called. "Time for baths." The kids squealed, heading to crawl up the stairs. They loved their baths since Andrew and Sarah had shown them toys and bubbles. "Wait for me," he called, cleaning up his mess and hurrying after them. He could already hear the water running.

Andrew smiled at the girls. "Go get a treat, do your reports." They sighed but went to get cake and ice cream on their way to the office area to report to Giles. Since Giles was in his drinking part of the day, he was not amused but didn't yell about it.

***

Andrew looked at Xander the next morning. "What about a nanny?" he asked when Xander had his first cup of coffee.

Xander stared at him. "I can figure out a paid babysitter for patrol nights," he promised. "Sorry, Andrew."

"You can pay me, I need more allowance," one of the younger slayers called. She popped in, bouncing the whole way with a manic grin. "I really could use more allowance."

Xander looked at her. "You're ten. By law you have to be at least thirteen to babysit in this state."

"Shit," she muttered, getting glared at by Xander and swatted by Andrew. "Sorry for my language. I'm a bad influence on the babies."

Xander snorted. "The kids will know it soon enough I'm sure. Not like I haven't sworn a lot since I got them." He and the slayer shared a look. "We'll see about limited helping roles that get you paid chocolate money." She squealed as she pounced him to hug.

"Mine!" Arlin shouted, pushing at her. "Mine!"

"Yes he is, sweetheart," she cooed, hugging him too. "He's your daddy." She strolled off to tell the others that Xander was offering paid babysitting hours. A few more volunteered. They were good with the kids and it made Andrew happier too.

***

Tony Stark was watching his daughter when a battle came up thanks to an idiot bad guy with ideas. So he was out defending the tower in his suit when he got a panicked call from Pepper that Joyceline was trying to get outside to help. He had enough time to look down, then groan and fly down to grab his daughter.

Joyceline smiled up at the bad guy. "Shiny."

He stared down at her. "What are you doing here, child?" he demanded.

"Shiny you. Good boy?"

"No, I am not."

"Still good to be shiny." She smiled, patting his armor. "Shiny pretty. Boomies?"

"No, I don't have weapons," he said, scowling at her. "What are you doing and why do you have that weapon!" he shouted.

"Sorry, she got away from Pepper," Tony called as he swooped in to scoop her up, tossing the armed weapon to Clint to use while he took her back to the tower. "Joyceline, we're going to have a talk in a few minutes, dear," he said stiffly. "You can't do that!"

She giggled. "Flying shinies!" she squealed, waving her arms around. "Cool!"

He groaned, handing her to Pepper. "I don't know," he complained.

Xander appeared, taking his daughter to look at. "Not. Good." She pouted. "Tough. The only bad guys you can pet for being shiny are the ones I date, Joyceline!" He glared at the laughing bad guy. He pulled something out of his pocket and threw it at Steve. "Set it off, Rogers. He'll give my precious baby girl the wrong idea about shiny things. I only want her to have the weapons I have, not steal others." He took the two from her, handing them to Pepper.

"I had her in the safe room, Xander. It was in there to help me protect us."

He nodded. "She's a lot like Jesse, my mini me only female." He looked up and they disappeared.

Stark shook his head. "She's a bit warped."

"She is," Pepper agreed. The bad guy was laughing until Steve set off that weapon and made him magnetized. It attracted his shiny armor to the nearest large metallic surface. It was cute how the bad guy squealed as the bigger bit of metal in a building attracted him, making him fly through the air. Pepper walked off shaking her head, already starting an apology email to Xander.

Stark looked at the bad guy. "At least she liked the armor and weapons," he said.

Steve looked at him. "Joyceline is a bit warped, Stark."

"I don't think that's *my* fault."

"We can babysit more often so she's more average," Clint called, coming down. Stark took the weapon to turn off, flying off shaking his head. Clint grinned at Steve. "It's good she likes what her dad likes."

"It is. Maybe I'll help her learn how to read." He walked off shaking his head. He ignored the awed reporters too. That may cause a problem.

Clint avoided them by going inside with Natasha, who was still laughing about the swearing villain who could not get himself unstuck. They were still scared of Natasha.

***

Andrew came out the next morning to get the newspapers, shaking his head at the reporters. "No comment, people."

"That guy works here," one reporter called.

Xander leaned out, smirking and waving. "I'm the guy that was training girls off-site. Now I'm the head one here. I'm a bit paranoid and love weapons. Do you really want to bother me before coffee?" Most of them ran off. "Nice choice, people." He went back inside.

Andrew shook his head, going inside to start making muffins to go with Xander's coffee. He was scrambling eggs for the staring kids. It was then that Andrew decided he was going to get the kids hyped on super sugar and make Xander do goofy things all day while wearing out the bad urges.

***

Pepper looked at the reporter ambushing her on the way to a lunch date with an old friend, glaring at them behind her sunglasses. "Yes?" she asked politely.

"Who was that young girl?"

"That was Joyceline Harris. Unfortunately she managed to get away from me in the safe room. We've since helped her father talk to her about sneaking off."

"Is she also Stark's kid? She looks a lot like him."

"If you can find Tony, you can ask him that," she said dryly, walking around them.

"How did two fathers have a kid since I know Stark's not gay with the all the bimbos he dated, excluding you of course?" The reporter ran to follow her.

"No comment."

"So she is Stark's?"

"No comment on that either. If you must know, there were HYDRA agents involved." She shot them a look. "They thought she'd be an *excellent* future agent." She smirked. "Her father is *very* paranoid about her safety."

"He probably should be. Any idea if whoever made her gave her ...gifts?"

"No. She's perfectly normal." She shot her a glare. "I was only babysitting as a favor." She walked into the restaurant.

The reporter smiled at her camera guy, who smirked back. They were HYDRA and now they knew where the kids had come from. They were a priority to get back into custody. They shared that information but the HYDRA agents in Cleveland had been arrested after trying for the mini slayers at school. What was left of them anyway. So apparently Harris was a target they had underestimated.

***

Xander looked at the officer who was responding to his mess making for the second time. "I don't know why they decided to try to take out a slayer. I don't really care why HYDRA was trying to take out a slayer," he said dryly. "But I'll be fucking damned."

The agent on the ground groaned, looking up at him. "We'll get them all back and train the girls so they're proper warriors."

Xander stared down at him. "If I wanted them trained that way, I'd ask a favor from Lord Thor to find us a trainer," he said dryly. "You can see I'm not. The slayers are like normal girls with normal girl choices outside of their forecalled duties. It's up to them if they want to go on patrol or just protect their families. Not everyone should be in battles. Beyond that, the one you tried to capture is way too young to make that choice. She's not sixteen yet. She's not even eligible for training. So bug the fuck off before I finish taking out all of HYDRA to make my slayers and kids safer."

The officer cleared his throat. "We can help, Mr. Harris."

Xander grinned. "Sure, you can start with this one and the one staring at us." He pointed at the supposed reporter. Then he threw a knife at her, making her scream as it hit her as she turned. "No more HYDRA agents," he said in a sing-song voice with a grin. "Had enough, people. Watch me call in poker debts to eat all of you."

A small demon showed up, patting him on the knee. "Xander, we could easily do that but we owe you kittens, not the other way around. Why would you give us souls?"

Xander grinned down at him. "Because they're threatening my kids and the slayers. Fuck them."

The demon beamed. "There's many that would love to do just that in punishment. I will suggest that they get them to make deals." He grinned at the officer before disappearing with the reporter.

Xander grinned at the officer. "Unlike some of the old liners at the Council, I grew up in Sunnydale. I have this little expediency switch that means I'll solve a bitch." He walked off. "I need to get the kids new clothes. Have fun, Officer." He went into the store.

The officer called that in. His boss, so not amused. The higher ups, very not amused later when they heard. But slightly amused that Xander was keeping bad people out of their city. They decided it would keep the city safer and he'd protect those kids so they only had to watch over them. One found the video of Joyceline petting the villain and shared it with that officer and others. It figured she was Harris' daughter. She was a lot like him.

***

Xander woke up a few weeks later, blinking at the people staring at him. "You're so fucked up," he noted dryly.

"You can't get any help here, Mr. Harris," the woman said with a sneer.

"Really?"

"We've blocked the coven." Xander touched his emergency tattoo. No answer. She smirked. "We've also blocked off demons."

"Hmm. Small problem with that. See, not all demons are like the others." He sent out a call. A demon showed up. "I'm calling in my debt." The woman was yelling into her communication earpiece. Xander grinned at her. Then at him. "Do they have the kids?" The demon nodded, wincing some. "I don't care how you do it, but I want me, the kids, any victims all out of here. Please."

"Will this cancel all my debts to you since I owe you two?"

"Sure," Xander agreed with a grin. "As long as the kids are safe. Can we get to the house or to Stark?"

The demon nodded, calling others he owed debts to. "Harris has gifted me a way to pay you all as long as he, his children, and any non HYDRA are removed from here."

"There's babies," one said with a sniff.

"The embryos?" Xander asked. "The pre-born?"

"Yes. Those."

Xander nodded. "Can we remove them with me and the kids and any victims? Anyone non-HYDRA or only supposedly HYDRA?" The demons looked at each other and nodded, going hunting. The first one got him free. "Thank you, Merle."

"Welcome, Harris. We appreciate you joining with the slayers."

Xander leaned down to smile at him. "I'm glad I could help take these ones out sooner."

The demon blinked. "What?"

"I'm the same Xander that was with Buffy in Sunnydale, Merle. You didn't realize that?"

The demon's eyes went wide. "No, I had not. We owe you a debt for helping save us all." He patted him on the hand. "I will make sure you and all those not HYDRA are taken to Stark. The house on the hellmouth has too many protections." A demon came in carrying a basket with kids. "Oh, dear." He sniffed them. "One smells like you, Knight."

Xander looked. "Does she smell like Andrew?"

Merle shrugged. "I have not scented Andrew recently. It could be." Andrew appeared. He sniffed him then nodded. "She does. The others smell of others."

"Mothers?" Xander asked, handing his kids to Andrew when they were brought in.

"The birthing method that the Initiative created," he said with a grimace.

Xander nodded, patting him on the arm. "Thank you. This one, right?" He nodded. "Who's the little princess of chaos, baby girl? Come to Daddy, sweetie."

Andrew blinked. "She is?" he demanded.

"HYDRA took the embryos," Xander said. He let him see her. "She's adorable."

"She is," Andrew said, taking her to cuddle. "You're so cute!" he cooed with a grin. "My little one. We'll make sure you're less insane than Jesse and Joyceline are." Xander laughed. "So...."

Xander shrugged. "I woke up tied up. I called in Merle's debt and he called in others." The original woman was cowering in a corner while two demons discussed whether she was fit to be eaten or not.

"Great," Andrew agreed, grinning at Merle. "Thanks, Merle."

"You're welcome, Andrew. Let us move you."

Xander moved to the computer in there, calling someone when he found his phone. "Ms. Potts, can you put me on with JARVIS please?" She said she didn't know how to do that but JARVIS came on the line saying he was there. "JARVIS, HYDRA took me and the kids, plus made some more. I'm here with their computer and I know your pet human could use the files. Exactly. Actually, they're hooked up because they Skype," he said with a grin, turning that on and inputting the number. "Yeah, that's me." He smiled at the 'I'm downloading it' answer. "Thanks. Oh, thank you for that college fund thing too. I hadn't gotten around to it. Yup, we need a place to appear there at the tower with me, the kids, Andrew, the three new babies, and the embryos. And possibly some supposedly and non-HYDRA people." The image of an open room showed up. "How many embryo containers?" he called.

"Six large cryogenic containers," a male voice called.

"Six, JARVIS. Thank you. We'll be there soon." He hung up. "Okay, that's the lab."

The demons looked then nodded, taking him with the babies, then the kids showed up with Andrew. Then the non-HYDRA or the supposedly HYDRA, then the embryo containers. "Welcome, Harris, and thank you for letting us pay this way," one said, kissing him on the cheek. Xander grinned back. "The new one is cute." He kissed Andrew as well before disappearing.

"'Drew, let me plug these in," Xander said, moving to do that.

Andrew sat on the floor, holding the babies. "Hi, guys. It's okay, you're safe now and we'll figure out your new families."

"Shiny!" Joyceline declared, holding it up. "Daddy, shiny?"

"That's a screwdriver, you can play with it," he said after looking at her. She grinned, waving it around. "Don't stab your brothers." She was trying to stab Arlin so he glared. "Corner," he said with a point. "No stabbing your brother." She sniffled but went to sit in the corner, facing them. He got up, walking over to turn her around. "You sit in the corner this way." He went back to plugging things in as Stark came in with guards. "Two more to plug in, Stark."

"The embryos they took off SHIELD?" he asked, getting a nod from Andrew. "How did those three come to be?"

"The Initiative made something to let them come into being," Andrew said. "I have no idea who the other two belong to. One of the demons said that this one smells like me and Xander." Xander grinned at him. "She'll definitely be a princess of chaos. How long is Joyceline in there?"

"About five minutes. She'll forget why she's there and wander off."

"Daddy, shiny?" Arlin asked, holding up something with a grin.

"That's a shiny wrench, you can play with that," Xander said, patting him on the head. "Don't hurt the other kids with it." He sat down to fiddle with it, seeing how it shined in the light. Joyceline got up and wandered off, sucking on the end of the screwdriver. She poked a few people with it, making them get out of her way. "Stay in here please, Joy."

"Pepper!" she shouted.

"She can come see you in here."

"She's on her way down," Stark said. His daughter squealed and pounced him to cuddle. "I like you too, Joy." She grinned, cuddling him, waving at Andrew. "That's Andrew, he's a nice guy." She nodded, getting down to hug him and coo at the baby, showing off the screwdriver she had found.

"It's a great screwdriver," Andrew promised, giving her a hug.

Pepper came in with a few more people. "Let's clear the HYDRA people."

"Some are supposedly HYDRA, some are kinda HYDRA," Xander said, standing up. "I can't get that one plugged in, it's got a weird one." Tony took over to look at it and got an adapter in. "Oh, okay. I was never in Europe." He shrugged, looking at the people. One was wincing. He shrugged. "Oh, there's one that should help."

"She started to work in our security department," Pepper said with a grin for him. "Thank you, Xander."

"Not like I wanted to be there." He shrugged, looking at the kids. "Did they bring diapers for the little ones?" Andrew pointed at them. "Let me change that middle one." He settled in to do that.

"Where did the kids come from?" one of the men demanded.

Xander looked up at him, making him step back with a moan. "HYDRA made me kids. They wanted future soldiers." He grinned, waving a hand at his kids. "They apparently activated one of the embryos they had in storage to give me another one. The other two, no idea yet." He waved a hand at the containment units. "They stole those from whoever had gotten them from the agents who rescued them from the lab someone found my kids in for me."

"SHIELD had them," Maria Hill said. "Take all these adults to a conference room and watch them," she ordered. "I'll sort them in a minute." She looked at the kids. "They're getting older."

"No!" Arlin said, shaking his head. "Not old!"

"Getting older means you're about to have a birthday," Xander said.

"Like Mirry?" Joy asked.

"Yes, just like Amira. You have a birthday to get older. That means you grow up and can do things for yourself without me nagging you." He patted them on the head. "Good kids. Thank you for being quiet and calm." They grinned, digging into the toolbox again. Xander looked at the kids. Andrew had their daughter. The other two were both boys. "No idea who they came from, Hill. The demons that came to help for payment of debts said they used something the Initiative created to have them born."

"You owed a debt?" the other new guy asked dryly.

Xander stared at him. "No, the original one owed me. I called it in so he could evacuate me and the kids. He called others he owed to help him." He grinned at the shudder. "Exactly." He looked at Hill again. "One of them said that she smelled like me and Andrew."

She nodded. "We can test that and the new two."

"They had some weapons Paulo had. Joy started to grab one until Andrew stopped her. It was probably part of their self destruct." She looked up at her name. "Show off the shiny thing you grabbed." She waved the screwdriver. "The other one." She pulled it out of her shirt to show off, cooing at it.

"That's a beautiful shiny egg weapon, sweetheart," Pepper said. "Can I have it? Daddy Tony will want to see it." She ran it over to Tony, who smiled and hugged her but kept the weapon, handing her another shiny tool for it. She ran back to show her brothers.

"I have no idea what's happened to Paulo," Maria Hill said. "I'll look into that when I find out which ones were on assignment and which weren't." She walked off. "Can we run the DNA here?"

"Yes," the new guy said. "I can do that."

"Thank you, Bruce," Pepper said. "I need to make sure neither one are Tony's."

"They'd probably want warriors," Andrew said. "His kids will be strong in the self-defense stuff at least. If he can't make sure of it I will, and possibly teach them defensive magic if I need to."

Xander nodded, pointing at one kid. "He's got magic, 'Drew."

"I can work on that," he promised, smiling at Arlin. "He likes to help me in the kitchen anyway."

"He gives happy squeals at laundry," Xander said dryly. He took the baby to change, handing her back when Andrew pouted. "Sure, you can hold her for now. We'll work on her room later. Is she sharing with Joyceline?"

"No. She can share the nursery with Jackie."

"I can do that," Xander agreed. "She's a good sleeper and not too fussy so they should get along well."

Pepper smiled. "There's babies at the Council house?"

"Her mother handed her over while running from her family minister, her father, and her ex-husband," Xander said dryly, giving her a look. "They decided the baby was evil and was going to fix that for her."

"Apparently they're like that church in Kansas," Andrew said with a small shrug. "The baby's with us while she's in hiding and the FBI is working on things. She Skypes the baby every few days."

"That's safer," Pepper agreed, helping Tony up when he groaned. "They're safe?"

"Yeah. They have a backup power supply so they're still probably good. I know this wasn't all of the embryos."

Xander nodded. "The FBI agents took something like fifty of those out of the original lab," he said.

"I heard." He looked at the kids. "They're adorable. The other two?"

"I'm assuming that the other kids they found with mine were handed to at least a parent," he said. "If we can find parents on these, we can do the same thing. Right?"

"We can," Pepper agreed, smiling at him. "I'd definitely suggest it's the best idea." She cooed at the babies. "Bruce, can you take the DNA swabs?"

"Of course." He walked off, coming back with swabs to take them from all three of the babies. "Are you two in any system?"

Xander nodded. "Someone in the US government took mine for some reason and then hated that it started a virus in their system that ate it all. Want a new one?" Bruce nodded, taking the swab of his mouth. Andrew let him do his too. "Okay. We'll be right here with the kids. That way we don't have to come back for her. If that's okay?" he asked Stark.

"You can come upstairs."

"I seem to freak out some of your friends," he said dryly. "Especially after our daughter went to pet the bad guy."

"Fuck it," Tony said. "It's fine. Bring the kids. They'll love to pounce Steve. He's got his shield out to work on a few scratches." The kids all got herded to the elevator while Xander and Andrew got the three babies plus diaper bag. He came off the elevator, watching as the kids ran over to 'help' Steve. "HYDRA captured them but Xander got them free by calling in a poker debt, who got a lot of friends in to help them."

"Great," he said, smiling and patting the kids on the head. "I don't need tools but you can help me shine it if you want." He held up the cloth. Jesse took it to wipe the shield, making the others fight to help. He got a few other cloths for them. That made them happy, even if Joyceline was sucking on the end of her screwdriver again.

Xander sat on the floor with the two boys in their carrier basket. "Be nice," he warned. The kids quit pushing each other. "Thank you." He grinned at Steve. "Sorry. We found out they made more."

"That's a great reason to show up here, Xander." He grinned at the kids. Tony came over to help the quad while he looked at the babies. "Any idea on these?"

"We think she's ours," he said with a point at Andrew. "These two little guys no idea."

"Dr. Banner took swabs," Andrew said. "I'm a huge admirer of his more recent work. It leads back to a great bit of organic magic."

Steve smiled. "You can do magic like that one redhead?"

"No, I have control and no addiction to my skills," Andrew said dryly, smiling at him. "But I can do smaller things. She's the shiny torchbearer of magic. I'm one of the guys who goes 'eeeh, if I need it I can do something'."

"He's a home prepper in that analogy," Xander quipped. Clint came out, staring at the kids. "HYDRA somehow got me. I was out getting stuff for their upcoming birthday."

"Birthday us?" Jesse asked, eyes wide. Xander smiled and nodded. "Wow." He hugged him. "Shiny!" He got free and went back to 'cleaning' the shield.

Xander looked. "Joyceline!" he called. "Where are you?" He heard the giggle and sighed, getting up.

"Let me," Steve said, getting up to find her. He took her out of the kitchen and brought her back. "She was making the fridge shiny."

"She's very good at it but she knows not to sneak off," Xander said, staring at her. "Stay with us, like we do in the park." She pouted but sat on Andrew's knees to stare at the baby. Andrew moved her but helped her move closer so she could see the baby.

Stark came out of the bathroom shaking his head. "Three agents undercover."

"Sorry but it's not nice to let them die of it too," Xander said.

"True. Hill has the others under arrest and Coulson coming to deal with them." He settled down, looking at his daughter. "That's a baby. You were that size once."

"Not shiny," she said.

"No, babies aren't shiny," he agreed. "You're so smart." She giggled, moving to hug him then getting up to wander off.

"Stay with us, like when we're in the park," Xander called. "If I have to get up, you're going back in the corner."

"She should be fine," Stark said.

Xander looked at him. "She's going looking for weapons, Stark. She loves weapons in case you haven't seen that. We woke up the other morning to her giggling in the armory while plucking at the crossbows."

Clint walked off, coming back with her and his bow. The boys squealed and came over to come see this new weapon. She smiled and sat in his lap to get a whole side to herself. "Sure, I can be a baby seat," Clint said. Xander shook his head with a sigh. "She's fine, Harris."

"If you're sure. I don't want her to be an annoyance."

"She'll never be like those kids you stare at in the mall," Tony said. "Pepper wouldn't allow it."

Xander grinned. "I'm hoping the others don't start that either. Jesse has a wandering urge. Arlin is trying to figure out boobs recently. Henry's been awfully sleepy so he's going to the baby doctor tomorrow."

Joyceline stared over at them. "Baby good boy?" she asked.

"She's a good girl," Andrew said. "This one's a girl, like you are."

She scowled. "Girl? No, girl!"

Xander shook his head. "You are a girl, Joy. Like the slayers, you're a girl and your brothers are boys. That's why they wear the different diapers."

She pouted. "Not a girl!"

Tony smiled. "We like you being a girl. It doesn't mean you can't play with the same toys and all that stuff."

She pouted. "Girls mean."

"No, I stop mean girls. You'll never be a mean girl," Xander promised, smiling at her. "You're a good girl." She grinned and nodded. "Modest too, dear. Thank the uncle for letting you play with his bow."

She turned to hug him. "Good boy you."

"Thanks, Joyceline." She turned back around, making him wince when she kicked him in the painful spot but she was happy petting his bow.

Stark got an email. "The little girl does come up as you two's. Bruce ran her first."

"That's cool. She's our princess of future chaos. She'll be the next female president."

"If someone like the really strong lady here with you guys doesn't want it," Andrew added with a grin for Clint.

"She's foreign born, so not eligible." Tony shrugged. "Otherwise I'd back her."

Xander pulled out his phone, tapping the 'speaker' key. "What's up?" He took the two boys to check their diapers and change.

"Please hold for the President, sir," a female voice said.

Xander stared at the phone then at Stark, who shrugged. He had no idea. "Any clue?"

"Arlin's other father is NCIS," Tony said. "Looking into his files, he's been so busy recently he hasn't gotten to go home most nights."

"That does suck," Xander said. "I was going to introduce him to Arlin soon."

A male voice cleared his throat from the phone. "If you're talking about Agent DiNozzo, he threw a fit at his new director to get time off. He'll be in Cleveland tomorrow."

"We might be back there by then," Xander said. "If we're not needed up here about the HYDRA douchebags that kidnaped me and the kids, and made more kids."

"That's why I'm calling. I heard from a former birdie at SHIELD that they had captured you."

"No idea why," Xander admitted. "I woke up to her sneering they had blocked off all manners of getting myself free. They had blocked off magic but not all demons, because that's almost impossible."

"Why?" Tony asked.

"According to the histories the old Council kept, demons were here first. They used to use early humans as toys. That's why some guys back then created the slayer line. Then the old demon courts got defeated and had to go into hiding. There's still some species that're off those old ones but there's also thousands of realms that demons can come from."

"So they couldn't block off all those resonances," Andrew finished. Xander nodded. "That makes sense. Merle, the one that got me, he's from a crossbreeding that made a new species from a few that were already down here."

"They are as far as I've heard," Xander agreed.

The president coughed. "That makes more sense. Is there anything left of that base?"

"I called Merle to help me get free since he owed me two debts, and if the kids were there them too. He called a few demons he owed debts to. I have no idea what they did to them. I don't really care to be honest. Bad guys get bad things. Especially since they were making new kids so Andrew and mine's daughter got born."

"We're still waiting to see who the other two new ones belong to," Tony said. "It'll take a few more hours since we'll have to search databases if we didn't get files."

Xander grinned. "I asked JARVIS to see if he could do that for you. I figured someone would want to and they had computers hooked up because they were Skyping."

Tony nodded. "I know he got something. I haven't been through it yet. Maria Hill hired on with Stark security so she's questioning the ones that came back with Harris and Wells."

"Me?" Jesse asked, grinning at Tony.

"And you guys too," he promised with a smile. He patted him on the head. "You're being a good boy."

"Yup," he agreed, pouncing Clint to hug. "Shiny more?"

"I don't have too many other shiny things, Jesse." He undid his holster so Clint had to grab it. "Let me disarm it." He did that, letting them have that and his knife still in the sheathe. Xander shook his head so he put the knife back up. "Sorry."

"Jesse would pull it and stab someone showing it off. He did that with a spoon the other day."

Andrew grinned into the baby's head. "I was showing him how to scoop ice cream," he mouthed.

Clint grinned. "Kids like that stuff."

The president cleared his throat again. "Any idea why they wanted you, Mr. Harris?"

"I'm still wondering why a tenth of all those embryos they made were half me," he said dryly.

"That's a good question to ask," Tony agreed, sending that message to someone. "We have six supposedly HYDRA agents in holding for someone, sir," he said. "They're not fully with the program any longer so the demons didn't peg them."

"Great," the president said. "Is an agent coming to get them?"

"Yes, Maria Hill called someone," Tony said, getting a message back. He hummed. "Skye got into something that showed her heritage?"

Andrew looked at him before leaning over to hiss in his ear. "We can help her learn how to use them better if she wants." He looked at Xander, who shrugged a bit. "It's not the first time we've helped people learn how to use their native gifts."

"That's good," the president agreed. "Did we find anything new about HYDRA?"

"I don't think they've found them all," Xander said. "We had a vision that had names in it. We shared it." Xander looked at Tony then nodded at the phone, getting a grimace back. Xander nodded.

"Visions?" the president demanded. "We trust those?"

"Yes, since the ones I get are from the Powers That Be directly," Xander said dryly. "They're the early warning system for the slayers. That's how we hear that we have a battle coming usually, sir."

"Oh, dear. Is that why they wanted you?"

"No clue," Xander admitted. "I don't really care because my only concern is my kids and the slayers. Otherwise I'll just destroy the ones that come after me. I'm not the nicest of nice fairies when I don't have to be."

"That's good to know," the president said. "How long have you been with the Council?"

Xander smirked at the phone. "Sir, I backed up Buffy in Sunnydale since she came to my town. I'm the normal guy that was with them through allllll that back then."

"Oh." He sighed. "Maybe they want you for that. Most people can't do that."

"Most people could, most of them don't have a reason or the want to do it. The ones that do, we help them train but we're wary of some people's reasons for wanting to hunt."

"We've had 'kill them all' sorts more than once," Andrew agreed. "It looks bad on the girls and makes the ones we have peaceful relations with think we're all like that."

"I can understand that, and I'm assuming you're Mr. Wells."

"I am."

"That's fine, son. Now what, people?"

Xander grinned. "We've got to get back to Cleveland. I'm paying one of the slayers to babysit during patrol tonight. We've got the new baby to handle. It's probably not going to be a hugely busy night but it still has to be handled."

"Are the children going to be safe in the slayer house?" the president asked.

"Yes," Xander said. "Very safe. There's a lot of protections on the house."

"Would social workers think that?"

"They haven't said anything about the few slayers in foster care thanks to the First Evil having taken out their families," Andrew said dryly. "And really, we'd protect the kids and the slayers, sir. We know there's haters out there. One tried to blow up Xander and the kids when they were buying new clothes."

"Pity about his Rambo-esque arrow trick," Xander said dryly. He held a hand out, getting Andrew's phone when he scowled too. Xander typed out a text message to a contact of Andrew's. Andrew looked then smirked at him. Xander grinned back, sending it and handing the phone back. "We know that there's a few idiots in the world who hate that young women save them from things they consider heresy by their religion, sir, but we let them have their delusions. The same way we do the people who think they have the right to take mystical weapons to be the big hero. Even though they can't use the things they want to."

"What were you doing?"

"Sending a text message to a contact to check on the girls," Xander said. "They needed checked up on since that left one of the old-liners in the house with the girls just getting home from school."

"Oh, that's reasonable I suppose. No nannies?"

"Sir, we don't make that sort of money," Xander said dryly. "Or I wouldn't have to worry about paying an off-duty slayer to babysit for a few hours for patrol."

"I suppose that's normal for single parents."

"I'm all for letting the two remaining parents, well three now, have visitation but I've never met Agent DiNozzo. Mr. Stark gets visitation whenever he asks. Andrew and I can split helping the new baby girl."

"I'd name her Natalie after Warren's former robotic girlfriend but it might condemn her to Warren's mental problems or dating a robot," Andrew said. "I have no idea what to name her."

"We can look at a naming site later, 'Drew."

"Good point. Maybe something cutesy? She should be cute. Before Buffy hears."

"We can name her after Kendra," Xander said. "As a middle name?"

"It's a good slayer to remember, the last of the called Council-raised slayers." He looked at her. "So, what Kendra Wells-Harris?"

"Figure it out later so the president doesn't get pissed off," Clint hissed.

Joyceline toddled over, picking up the phone to blow kisses. "Good girl you, slayer. Good girl. Bye bye. Nighties!" She tossed it into the kitchen and ran back to play with the bow some more. "Shiny!" she cooed, grinning up at Clint then at her daddies.

"It is," Xander agreed.

Stark smiled. "That's very nice of you to say bye bye, Joy. I'm sure he appreciated that and you're such a good girl." She beamed and wiggled, hugging the bow. Andrew summoned the phone and it was hung up. Stark shook his head. Xander shrugged, coming over to explain the bow to the kids. They were all happy with that.

Andrew hid his smirk in the new baby's hair. She was so cute.

***

Maria Hill came off the elevator a few hours later. "Well, that explains why an agent complained he was not HYDRA, it was someone else sharing his name."

"The prez?" Xander guessed. She nodded. "Sorry, thought I made that distinction."

"No. Not clear enough. It's clear now. He tried to order you guys killed and your kids snatched so they could be claimed to be rightfully trained. They tried the house." Xander growled, eyes narrowing. "The girls were fine. Rosenburg was there. Everyone who tried to attack ended up floating until real agents got there. When a few of them started to float they asked why so she told them. She was wondering where you two were but one of the girls told her. She's growling. One of the Cleveland PD people got her with a sedative dart." Xander moaned, shaking his head. He stood up and gathered up the kids. "The other two babies belong to a few officers down south. We'll make sure they get there, boys." Xander nodded. "Stark, can you get them home?"

"Yes," he called from the kitchen. "Barton can fly them down since the kids won't give him back his bow."

"That's why I brought out my backup bow," Clint said dryly. "Should we deliver the two young'nes?"

"No. I'll have someone do that. Just get them back so they can stop Rosenburg."

"Have some nice girl hit on her. She'll blush and run to hide," Andrew said. Xander nodded. "Why did you text Berny?"

Xander grinned. "I was stopping the new 'he's the normal guy' movement." He smirked. "I'll be damned if most people see me like Buffy does."

Andrew nodded, patting him on the shoulder. "It's all right. We know you do a lot."

"No, there have been news reports that he's the 'normal guy' at the Council," Hill said. "What did you do?"

"Just wait." He walked off carrying three of the four kids while Andrew walked the other two out with him and the diaper bag. Clint followed, flying them down to Cleveland. Stark came out to clean up the living room area with Steve now that he wasn't hiding any more.

Hill picked up the two babies to take down to their daddies. She could handle that and any butt hurt feelings that would be coming.

***

Pepper was watching the news that night while her fingers blindly dialed her cellphone. "If that's even *half* true, I'm taking all the babies from you, Harris." She hung up. "JARVIS, please make sure Tony's seeing this?" Down in the lab, Tony was growling. The reporter that was asking the demon community in Cleveland about Xander and his times training in Africa were getting all sorts of stories, some with film. One of them asked a slayer out for patrol about it.

Her 'five slayers old enough to patrol, two who decided to patrol out of them, and it wasn't as bad as it could have been; there were things they'd never be told'. Pepper was growling out loud now. Steve was staring at her from the kitchen doorway. She cleared her throat, waving a hand with a small smile. "They asked the demon community in Cleveland about Xander's time training in Africa." She cleared her throat again. "I'm going to see if we can get Joyceline and the others for a few days."

"I'll warn Clint and Natasha to hide their weapons," he said, smiling at her. He came out to watch with her. "Jeez," he said, blinking a few times. "That's... I guess he had to do it since he only had two slayers to help him."

She stared at him. "He took down a rebel group!" she said with a point.

"It was going near one of his slayers," Natasha said, walking behind them. She paused to watch, then shuddered. "I would not want to do that by myself with just two teenage girls." She walked on. "Save that down for us? Hill will be most amused."

"I'm sure Arlin's father would like to know too," she said. She looked him up, then sent him an email about the news broadcast.

Steve shook his head but looked up kid toys. That would spare his shield and everyone's weapons from the baby stealing them to make shiny.

***

Jesse looked out an open window, smiling at the people outside the gate. He waved. "Fuck you!" he called.

"SON!" Xander yelled. "Your mouth is now a problem. Go stand in the corner!"

"Oops!" he called but he was grinning at his siblings. "Sorry, dada!"

"Corner anyway."

"Yes, daddy," he complained but went to sit in the corner like his sister and the big slayers did. He spotted the emergency shiny under the couch. "Oooh, shiny," he cooed quietly, looking around. No adult to take the shiny from them. He crawled under the couch, pulling it out to pet. The others cooed at the shiny. One of the baby slayers came in, helping them put it into the couch so no one was bumping into the coffee table again. That table caused owwies. They all settled in to pet the shiny, and Jesse figured out how to fire it. It fired off, hitting the corner of the armory under the stairs and ricocheting off in another direction, toward the reporter vans. The kids all cooed and clapped at the explosions.

"Cool!" Arlin called. "Shiny boom!" The other kids all cheered.

Xander, Sarah, and Andrew rushed out to see what had happened. Andrew stared at the kids. "No playing with the shinies!" he yelled. "Especially not the one Buffy put under the couch in case the house was attacked again! You could've hurt me or Daddy or your sister Nira!"

Xander cleared his throat. "I would suggest you five go out back and sit down. Don't move. Don't play. Just....sit." They ran out to do that. Daddy sounded mad and the baby slayer already knew that was bad. Xander opened the door. "The kids are sorry!" he yelled with a wave. "Buffy put that under the couch for the next time someone tried to attack the minis in the house, well, two of the attacks ago. I thought it was better hidden. I'll....talk to the kids." He slammed the door, going out back to talk to his kids and the baby slayer. They had to have ethics. They couldn't become the evil bitches in the family. That was his future job title when he finally got fed up and retired from the Council.

Andrew looked at Sarah. "I'm not sure if I should be proud or not."

"Be unhappy! They nearly blew us up too." She stomped out to help Xander yell at them.

Andrew went back to get his baby girl. "We won't let you use weapons that way." The phone rang so he answered it. "Sorry, Giles. It was the shiny thing that Buffy hid under the couch. The kids set it off accidentally, it hit the corner of the armory's shielding, and went into the news vans." Out back a baby started to cry. "Xander's yelling at them and the baby slayer that was helping." He hung up, going back to teaching his baby girl how to make spaghetti sauce. "You'll never play with weapons that way. Or else I'll teach you to make lasers and you can use them instead."

***

One of the reporters went to verify what the parents had yelled. She waylaid a police officer that worked near the slayer house. "There's been attacks on the slayers?" she asked casually as he got out of his car.

He grimaced. "We hate your kind."

"That explosion was supposedly because some infants played with a weapon stored against the next time the house was invaded or attacked."

"The mayor said if you guys wanted to know about those things, to file a freedom of information request," he said, staring her down. "Because we're not that nice."

"Anyone that might slip it without that week's worth of paperwork?"

"He's got the file on his desk," he said, staring at her. "All you need is the paperwork."

She smiled, going to call her boss to get that started so she could pick it up on the way downtown. The mayor's secretary had the file waiting on her. "Thank you. How many attacks were there?"

"We answered seven," she said. "Two from local sources."

"Oh. So the kids may have legitimately found a weapon stored against an attack?"

The secretary nodded. "Indeed from what we've seen. One of those babies was the one that told that villain he was shiny."

"Ah!" She smiled. "Thanks." She walked off reading the file, not seeing the secretary's face change.

"Not like we don't agree with them having weapons just in case," she decided, disappearing. "We don't want Harris to have to respond so we're making it easier on them all."

The reporter went to the ones gathered around the slayer house. "Guys, I got the police commissioner's reports thanks to an FOI request at their suggestion." She had already let her editor copy them to get a scoop before the others got into it.

The reporters came over to look them over. By the time they looked back, Xander was leaning on the gate staring at them. One of them swallowed. "Um, Mr. Harris?" He nodded with a grin. "How many times was the house attacked that wasn't reported?"

"No clue. The girls didn't tell me most of them while I was in Africa. Buffy didn't want me to ask someone for a favor."

Another moved closer. "We've seen what you were handling in Africa."

"I was down there for a few years. It wasn't every week but there was a run of them in there for some reason." He shrugged. "It happens."

"That weapon?"

"Buffy or someone won it in a poker game to protect the minis. Most of the minis have now been moved. The kids got yelled at and grounded for setting that off with the baby slayer's help."

"Um...how did you get kids? No one's noted that you've been seeing them and they all look around the same age."

He smiled. "HYDRA. A group of less than legal authorities in an area found a lab they thought was people sellers. So they went to stop them. They found files and ten kids born. They recognized my name and called me to come see what was going on. By the time I got there, they had figured out four of the kids were mine and there were probably embryos. Which there were, a lot with my name on them. Then recently they took me again, somehow I'm not aware of as I woke up there and the last I knew I had been getting a burger after a baby doctor appointment, and they had made three other babies. One of them between me and Andrew." He grinned. "She's so sweet. Unlike my little girl, who likes shiny things." He looked down, smirking at his son. "This is Jesse, he's like my mini me."

"Shiny," he cooed, reaching for a camera.

"No," Xander said. "You don't need to flirt with a reporter, son. Go inside." He pointed. "Go play with your baby sister. She needs new clothes." He squealed as he ran inside. "He really likes clothes." He grinned. "Anything else?"

"Did you get the records released?"

"No, but the mayor hates us. We made his mostly normal city a bit weird and it makes him look bad to his mind. So we handle it." He shrugged. "They probably expected someone to call a social worker about the weapons discharge. Thankfully she saw the ones that were there and knew about why it was there as she oversees a few of the minis that were orphaned by the First Evil."

"So now you head this house?" another one asked.

"Giles wanted to hide from all you people," he said dryly, smirking at her. "He pulled me back from Africa after all that HYDRA mess to head this house so he could hide easier in England."

"Where were you during that?" one asked in a perky voice.

"I had stolen a mystical artifact that HYDRA had stolen and was using it to protect the slayers from England," he said, staring her down. She flinched. "Somehow they had stolen it from SHIELD."

"Oh, dear," she said.

"Plus I had found an Asgardian artifact down here with a banished warrior. Which I used to beat the living shit out of a few of them." He grinned. "The kids were safely next to me during it but we handled it very well. They got to meet a whole bunch of mostly not real good sorts that I went to for help. Who all thought the quad was charming and sweet." He grinned. "Even when the kids glared at them for daring to wake them up from a nap."

"Not real nice sorts?" another asked. "Like ...arms dealers?"

"I have met a few of those. We know a few we can go to for discounts for necessary slayer weapons. We can't win everything we need at poker. And sometimes you don't get the military helping." They all nodded. He grinned. "Did the battle in Madagascar get seen?" He walked off.

They called in to ask about that battle. No, it hadn't been found. A few who had made contacts in the peaceful demon community asked about that, and the ones that Harris said he got discounts from. Since they said Harris had dated some, that explained a lot. The video for that battle got found. That country had been trying to hide that battle since it showed they refused to show up to help until nearly the very end. In it, they saw a slayer fall and Xander nearly die, and the other two slayers nearly die after he couldn't protect them more. It got spread, and people started to ask about how people honored the fallen slayers. One in England found Willow to ask her. Willow glared so she showed her that battle.

Willow touched the screen. "She's on our obelisk in the garden," she said quietly, staring at the reporter. "We honor all the fallen and the ones that we didn't get to meet." She sighed. "How did you get that footage? We barely knew what happened."

"Harris mentioned it when we were bothering him. Are those kids of his safe?"

"Yeah. We made sure of it. I laid protections that the kids would disappear to their other fathers or someone safe if their fathers are gone." She shrugged. "I don't think Xander should be raising them on his own. I don't think he realizes how much work kids take. But I've been told repeatedly I'm blind on that topic. So I have to listen to the coven."

"Do you think they'll get hurt?"

"I've heard his bad guy dates all love the kids and would protect them but I think Xander will get mixed into something while defending the slayers." She shrugged again. "I have no idea. I've been told I'm blind about that." She walked off. "Ask Andrew. He has to babysit I'm sure."

A tall woman in a business suit walked past Willow and punched her. "That's for thinking Xander would *ever* let his kids get hurt or that he's using Andrew. Their baby girl is *sweet* and *innocent* and the quad are cute. Leave them be. You tried to steal them from him and offer them to a demon," she sneered. "At the same time you stole from the incubi." She walked over her moaning body, nodding at the reporter. "Sorry, she's biased and thinks Xander can't do anything." She disappeared around a corner again.

The reporter looked at her camera girl. "Who was she?" She shrugged. "Let's go ask." They ran off before the volatile witch woke up. They had heard stories about her. They went to Scotland Yard's closest office, smiling at the desk sergeant. "I'm trying to identify who someone was that interrupted my interview." She let him see the image. "She defended one member of the Council from another."

He nodded, looking at a list behind him. He held up a page. They nodded. "I'll tell someone she's local. Thanks for the tip, ma'am." He walked around them, going into the main area. "Sir, a reporter spotted this one interrupting an interview about a Council on Council matter." He handed over the sheet.

He stared, then out there. "That reporter?" He nodded. "Any idea?"

"That one knocked out Rosenburg."

"Ah. Well, that's almost something I encourage." He went out to talk to her. "Can I view that story?" They let him see it. He made notes. "She's an information dealer," he said quietly. "Harris has kids? Huh. He's real overprotective of the girls. He showed up for one of our problems and yelled at a few who were a bit young. Told them to go home and grow up to be real slayers and women. He got hurt a lot since they didn't have enough slayers but he said better that than a nine-year-old in battle." He looked at her. "Go home." She nodded, leaving with that new bit. He called the higher ups about that one on their most wanted list being in the city. It could only help capture her.

***

Xander looked at the actor that had shown up again. "Is someone doing a movie or something about the slayers?"

"Demon hunters. I'm on as the secondary lead," he said with a grin. "It's helped me a lot. I've even found someone to help me learn how to use a sword for real."

"That can be helpful," Xander agreed. "What about the peaceful community?"

"We're only killing summoned ones in that movie." Xander grinned at that. "Is patrol going on tonight?"

"Patrol goes on every night. Otherwise we lose track of a few newly risen ones." He looked at the little girl gripping his leg. "Hi, Emily." She grinned and waved at the actor. "He's learning how to patrol."

"Are you dating a big slayer?" she asked, eyes wide.

"I wouldn't mind but none of them have hit on me, precious," Bradlin said with a grin. "If they flirt, I wouldn't mind."

"I'll tell 'em!" she promised, running up the stairs. "The actor guy said he didn't mind if the big slayers flirted!"

Xander grinned but shook his head. "You're on your own with that." He walked into the kitchen. "I'm doing dinner and then we'll go."

"Sure. I'm down with that. You're a dad and have to do dad things." He followed, nodding at Andrew. "New baby slayer?"

"HYDRA wanted more future soldiers so activated the embryo between us," Andrew quipped. Xander took Nira back to cuddle and feed while the terrible foursome nibbled their dinners. Xander got them all up to their baths then into bed. Nira got laid down for a bit too. Andrew could handle it if she woke up later. He, Bradlin, and two bigger slayers went out to hit patrol. Thankfully a mostly quiet one this time.

***

Tony DiNozzo finally made it out of DC and to Cleveland. He stared at the front door of the Council house for a few minutes before knocking, not surprised that he had been seen so someone was standing there waiting on him to make a decision. "Is Mr. Harris here please?" he asked as he stepped inside.

The young girl stared at him. "He's at the baby doc's for shots with the horde." She grinned. "Andrew, visitor! He wanted to talk to Xander!" She grinned at him again. "We're a bit paranoid."

"I agree, you should be," he said, smiling back. "I'm Agent Tony DiNozzo, NCIS."

"He's Arlin's daddy," Andrew said as he came up the hallway. "It'll be about an hour, Agent DiNozzo. Did you want to meet him here or out and about?"

"Whatever's best for him. I'm not pushy right now. I'm still in shock."

"We all were about Xander being a daddy but he's really good at it," Andrew quipped. "Including to our new daughter."

The slayer rolled her eyes. "You're too busy to take care of Nira all the time." Someone opened the door and paused before running into Tony's back. "This is Arlin's daddy, Buffy."

"That's cool. Working out visitation?" She walked around him. "What's this I hear about another one?"

"HYDRA used the embryo between us and there's two others that we're not related to," Andrew quipped. "Xander has them all at the baby doctor. It'll be an hour. You can wait if you want, Agent DiNozzo."

"Thanks." He settled in the sitting room. Buffy went upstairs then came back down with a huff. Tony watched her looking things and huffing. "Can I help?" he offered when she stared at him.

"Wondering why things got moved." She scowled toward the kitchen.

"We told you it wasn't practical to have them there," Andrew called. "Don't you dare PMS huff at me or Xander. You know he'll do something to make you scream at others."

"Fine. Whatever!" she called. "I'm back so he can go hang out somewhere else."

Andrew came out to stare at her. "Hell. No. Go travel, Buffy." He grinned. "The agents who watch over our shoulders loathe you."

"Why would we care?"

"Because they won't show up to battles until way too late," Andrew said. "Many of them don't want to be there anyway. Them not wanting to back up the slayers anyway means that they'll be slow and them hating you because they don't understand how your mind works means they ignore the signs of an upcoming battle and don't show up at all." He spread his hands and shrugged a bit. "We can't help that. All we can do is deal with it and train them better as time moves on. Pretty soon they'll hate being called out for not being at a battle. We just have to deal until then."

"There's agents that are more than willing to step in because they don't think young women should have to protect them," Tony said. "I work with half an agency of them." Buffy stared at him. "I'm NCIS. We deal with navy and marine corps crimes."

"Oh. Okay. Sure. Whatever. They still won't help."

"Ma'am, they will help. Every time the military shows up, someone complains to those soldiers but they still do it anyway because it's the right thing to do. They're going to keep doing it, even under threat of being court marshaled or kicked out of their service branch. If you wanted to ask, there's people who'll gladly help spread news of upcoming battles that aren't the higher ups. Though the head of the marines did get told to ignore it by the president."

"Who was HYDRA anyway," Andrew quipped with a grin.

"He is?" Tony demanded.

"Yeah. The order to make the kids from Xander came directly from him. There's agents who know that."

"Huh." He nodded. "I'd like to talk to him about why he wanted to use me." Andrew grinned. Someone opened the door and Tony stood up, getting into his face. "Hi, who're you?"

"Um... I'm training with the slayers for an upcoming role. Isn't Xander here? And who're you?"

"This is Arlin's other daddy, Bradlin. He's at the baby docs for shots."

"Aww. Poor kids. And Nira's going to have a ton probably."

"Probably," he agreed. He pulled up a picture to show off to Buffy with a manic grin. "They used our embryo together. Nira Johna Kendra Wells-Harris is an adorable little girl who never sleeps when you want her to."

"You named her after Kendra? He asked to?"

"That was my idea. Nira was one of the slayers that fell down in Africa. Xander picked that and I picked Kendra, a small tribute to Johno, and how the last names worked."

Buffy smiled at him, giving him a quick hug. "Thank you, Andrew. Kendra would probably think it was mushy but sweet." She looked at the special case with Mr. Pointy then at him. He shrugged, putting the picture back down. "If you wanted to spar, I can help with that," Buffy said, looking at the new guy. "Why are you training with us?"

"That's the actor guy who's training with us because he's going to become a demon hunter dealing with summoned demons for a role," Andrew said.

"Oh yeah, I heard about that. I can spar with you if you want."

"I wouldn't mind. I'm not great but I've been learning a lot from Sarah and Amanda. Amira tried to teach me how to steal cookies."

"All slayers love sweets," Buffy said with a grin. She took him to the gym to work out with him. Then she'd get to see her mom's namesake in person and yell at Xander for being bossy and doing slayer jobs again. The actor guy wasn't too bad. He was holding his own until someone ran in to pounce her, knocking her into him. "Hey!" she complained, scowling at the grinning baby. "It's not nice to pounce Auntie Buffy, dear."

He spit. "Oh well!" he chirped then ran off again. "Not know her!" he shouted.

"That's your Aunt Buffy," Xander called. "She's only scary when she hasn't slept in a few days, Jesse." He leaned into the gym, pointing at her for one of the kid's benefit. "That's Auntie Buffy. You were named after her mommy, Joy."

She sucked on her fingers, staring at this new lady. "Hi," she said.

Buffy smiled. "Hi. You're cute."

She smiled and shook her head. "I'm mean!" She growled then giggled and ran off. "Cookies!" she creeled as she ran. "Please cookies!" The other kids took up the call as they ran for the kitchen.

Xander leaned on the doorway. "Not even I rate above cookies."

"I can tell." She got up with some help from the actor guy, smiling at him. "You're not bad. Thank you."

"You're welcome." She walked off. He rubbed a bruise. Xander pointed at the bruise cream with a wink, heading after her. He put some on and followed the two hunters. Buffy was staring at the baby in the carrier on the counter. "Aww, someone needs changed."

"Oops," Andrew said. "I didn't check. Yup, you overflowed, Nira." He took her to change. "I'll clean and sanitize that in a second."

"Not touching baby pee anyway," Buffy quipped. "Not my kid to clean up after."

Xander got some papertowels to blot it up then the lysol to clean the counter with. "Kids do that."

"I'm sure they do," Buffy agreed. "Has anyone seen them, like Cordelia?"

"Why would the Powers That Be be interested in my kids?" he countered. "If you wanted to call her down to coo over them you can. She might be bored. I haven't had a vision in weeks."

Buffy shook her head. "She's probably busy plotting the end of geekdom again." She stared at the little girl then at Xander. "She's not very girly."

"We've been living in an area where girls are in danger for that stuff," he pointed out. "Right now I let her pick her own clothes. Or Arlin. He likes to pick clothes." He grinned at Tony. "I heard you've been too busy. I was going to pop down on you next week if you hadn't made it out of DC."

"Thanks. Were we going to have a problem during it?"

"Well, yeah," Xander admitted with a grin. "I would've let you babysit for a few hours."

"I can do that. Me and the boss both. Or Abby. She'd love Arlin and the others." He stared at his son then at Xander. "Are you still coming in for that?" Xander nodded. "Okay. Can my friends meet them?"

"Yeah! The more aunties and uncles they have, the more they learn from them. It'll keep them from being begging little mooches so often. Watch out for any weapons, Jesse and Joyceline both like shiny weapons. She likes all sorts of shiny things but he really likes shiny weapons."

"Shiny?" Joyceline asked, looking around. "More shiny?"

Xander pointed at Buffy. "She wears shiny jewelry she can show you." The little girl stared at her aunt while nibbling on a cookie. Buffy grinned, showing her the shiny things she had.

"No shiny," Jesse pouted. "Me shiny, daddy?"

Xander grinned at him. "You can help me work on the swords later, Jesse." He got up to dance around with Arlin joining in a minute later, his cheeks stuffed with cookies so he looked like a chipmunk. Xander grinned. "You two are so cute. Sit and eat cookies before I eat them." They dove back for their seats to finish the cookies.

Buffy shook her head. "They're kind of goofy, that proves they're yours, Xander." He smirked. She hit him on the arm. "I saw that footage."

He rubbed the sore spot. "You do that again and I'm going to sell you to someone as a date." She scowled. He stared back. "Not like I could've called you. You couldn't get to Africa and live in a tent."

"No, I can't," she agreed. "Others could have."

"No time. No coven marking to get them there," he said bluntly, staring at her. "Thanks to Willow deactivating it for all the African slayers. Three. Times." She winced. "Don't bitch at me for being the person there to handle things. You're not even aware of the bigger things that happened because the people down there are hiding them like hell before they're accused of harboring or calling them by their people." He gave her a pointed look. "Like before, we handled things that happened around us." She huffed but quit glaring. Her scowl wasn't all that impressive either. "Really, I had those noted so no one thought I was *normal* like you used to," he said more quietly, staring her down. "Because each time you did that, something huge happened." She huffed again. "So can we agree to drop it before the kids pick it up from you?"

"Fine. Whatever. At least here is safer."

Andrew came back with Nira, shaking his head. "Not likely. Emily's got three demons her mother tried to sell her to. We've had to take out two of them. The last one's just watching the house right now."

"Got him earlier," Xander admitted. "He came over to sniff the kids. My sword went up his nose and eventually out his brain. Pity. Have we talked to her again, 'Drew?"

"Twice now. Social workers don't think that's against the law, even if it's not exactly healthy. They can't do anything until someone has to rescue her from one." He shrugged. "I've tried repeatedly."

"I'm going to ask a favor from a friend then," Xander said. "Before she summons something hugely evil." He found his phone, calling someone. "It's Xander Harris. I know Paulo's dead. Someone had to tell me because you guys didn't. But I'm not calling about Jesse's daddy. I'm calling because the mom of one of our baby slayers is really near you guys and keeps summoning demons for her daughter to be captured by. I'm really tired of dealing with the summoned bastards. Can you guys do something about that?"

He grinned. "Thanks. Yes, that mom. No, Emily's fine the last I knew. Ems!" he yelled. She came running in, then squealed and pounced Buffy to hug while stealing a cookie. "Yeah, she's okay so far. Thanks, Toddy. Let me know if he wanted anyone to have visitation with Jesse." He hung up. "The people you meet at a bar at the end of the desert," he said dryly, putting his phone up since Tony was staring at him in horrified awe.

"Was the bar named Rick's?" Tony finally asked.

"George's and it was an underground titty and belly dancing bar I found a slayer indebted and working in," Xander said dryly but smiled at him.

"Which one?" Buffy demanded.

"She's not talking about it," Xander said firmly, staring her down. "Her mother ended up giving her away in marriage and that's how she got away from the asshole."

"Oh. Okay, I can be supportive," she said.

"Willow heard two of the girls went to a strip club to stare at the breasts," Andrew said. "She went off for three weeks, Buffy. You may be able to see the expediency but she's a bitch about sex stuff."

Xander nodded. "Always has been too." Buffy scowled at him. "You saw how judgmental she got with Anya and about me seeing Cordy."

"Yeah, I did." She sighed. "She's grown up."

"Prove it," he shot back.

"She has," she said firmly. "You'd know that if you had come home."

He pulled up text messages on his phone, showing her. "You can't prove that she'd ever give up."

She made a small whining sound. "Fine. Whatever. Not getting between you two. The coven can."

"Now that the blinding spell she did is finished it's a lot more fair," Andrew said. "They've stuck up for me against her too, Buffy."

She grimaced. "I'm staying out of all that."

"Good," Xander agreed, smiling at her. "It's probably safer. Willow won't change you into a puppy this time." She swatted him. He swatted her back.

"You no hit daddy!" Jesse shouted, leaping at her. Tony caught him. "Hey!"

"Your daddy can handle her, Jesse." He grinned at him. "I'm Arlin's daddy."

He stared at him then at his brother. "No, that daddy," he said with a point.

"I'm his other daddy. Like Andrew is Nira's other daddy? I'm Arlin's other daddy."

He frowned. "Confoosed!"

"I know. So am I," Tony said, getting a grin. "Finish up so you guys can go play." He got down, going back to save his cookies from his siblings.

Xander smirked at him. "Nice catch. Watch out though because he'll steal my weapons. Including my knife." He took his pocket knife from the baby, putting it back into his own pocket. "Third time since we got to the baby doctor's office. He was going to get the nurse for daring to make his sister pout." Buffy giggled, walking out back.

"It's great to protect your siblings," Tony said, patting Jesse on the head, getting grinned at. "You can let your daddy help though. I'm sure he'd help protect them."

"I do from bad guys but most nurses aren't bad guys," Xander said, staring at his son. Who grinned and waved then stuffed his last cookie into his mouth so he could swat at his sister's hand since she had tried to steal it. "Joy, eat your own, not steal your brother's."

"All gone," she pouted, giving Andrew the pouty look.

"I haven't made any more," he said with a grin. "Sorry!" He walked off with Nira. "We'll teach you guys how to make your own cookies soon." Tony was laughing, it was good he fit in with the insanity around here.

***

Tony walked into his office a week later smiling. "Guys, we have a battle coming tomorrow according to the Council people," he announced from the elevator. "Unless someone's changed their evil plans." He handed Gibbs the battle plan Xander had drawn up. "I said I'd be staying out of it so I can babysit my son and his siblings tomorrow," he said more quietly. "Xander doesn't have a nanny and he's in for the battle."

"That's reasonable," he agreed, looking it over. "Very small force. Will they need help?"

"If others want to jump in, go for it. The human doing it is an idiot according to Xander. He's trying to do something at the wrong time of the year. So it should be shorter. They had told the local office of the FBI in Cleveland but they blew it off as a crackpot. Unfortunately Xander thinks there's a second one that'll start right after we celebrate stopping this idiot. So I'll get Arlin and his siblings for a few hours."

"That's fine, DiNozzo. That's more important than an extra agent falling in to handle something. Have you told Abby?"

"We video chatted last night while I had the kids during Xander's patrol with the slayers." He grinned. "She cooed so hard."

"Good. Maybe she'll help." Tony shrugged but went to his desk. The director stomped down the stairs so Gibbs let her have the battle plan. "The second one?"

"No clue but he said he's heard but it wasn't a vision so he's just hearing rumors."

"Fine, that's still helpful," Gibbs decided. "With his file, he's got some stronger underground contacts so the slayers get weapons." Tony nodded. "Your son all right?"

"Arlin's fine." Tony grinned. "He really likes clothes, especially if they have shiny animals on them. He likes some shiny things but not weapons, unlike his brother Jesse and sister Joyceline. Jesse *really* loves weapons. He kept stealing Buffy and Amira's stakes and Amira's knife to play with. He made the knife a truck and drove it all over the carpet before she took it back, giving him a shiny cube to play with instead. He liked that, it made a better truck."

"You can buy him a truck," Gibbs said dryly, staring at his second-in-command.

"I did. I bought three trucks. Joyceline really loves the truck she picked out." He grinned. "Arlin didn't want a truck, he wanted a stuffed friendly tiger to go 'grr' at his siblings with. He's been pouncing them to go 'grr' at them to shock them." He sat down. "I'll be at their hotel tomorrow to watch my kid and his siblings, boss."

"Bring them here. It'll be safer," the Director said, looking at him. "You can keep any agents that shouldn't get near them off them while Ducky fusses." She walked off to share that intel with other agencies. They'd have to help the Council deal with things so they knew how to protect their city once the Council fell.

Gibbs shook his head. "Use the conference room, DiNozzo. Plenty of things for them to investigate."

"Sure, boss."

***

Abby leaned around the doorway of the conference room the next morning. "I've heard giggling," she said with a smile.

"That would probably be Joyceline." He pointed at her. "She's very happy to torment her brothers this morning."

"Aww. That's a good sisterly thing from what I've heard." She came in and plopped down near the kids, smiling and waving at them. "Hi, guys. I'm Abby. I work with Tony, Arlin's daddy." She pointed at him.

Joyceline stared at her. "You auntie?"

"I can be if you want, Joyceline. You're very sweet." The kids all shook their heads with evil smirks. "Well, you're young. We'll teach you how to be good but naughty when you're older." They smiled and got back to playing. Abby handed over things from her pocket. "I heard they love shiny things."

"They do," Tony agreed. "Jesse managed to blow up part of a Stark Industries lab when he was playing with his kid."

"Awww. At least no one was hurt?"

"No, not in the least."

"Shiny boom," Jesse cooed with a grin for the new auntie.

"I'm sure it was," she agreed, giving him a hug. He stared at her. She winked back. "I'm good at hugs." She hugged the others, letting them have the just big enough shiny metal animal figures. "They're above swallowing size."

"That's fine. They like animals too." Joyceline was cooing at hers and playing it around the other toys. Her truck liked it too. The boys were battling with theirs. Then Joyceline batted theirs with her truck so they all 'died'. The boys pouted at her but she smirked and got back to playing.

Henry picked up Arlin's stuffed tiger friend and pointed it at his sister. "GRRR!" he growled. She huffed but glared at him. He smirked back. "GRRRRRRRRRRRR!" She sniffled but Tony hugged her.

Abby hugged Henry. "You should play with stuff, Henry. Let her play with her things." She cuddled him, getting a grin and a hug back. "You're so sweet." He shook his head. "Today you're sweet. Tomorrow you can be a good boy." He giggled, patting her hair a few times then standing on her lap to look at her pigtails closer. He played with them for a bit until Arlin took his tiger back, getting his attention. He got down to go play with his siblings again now that Joyceline wasn't being a *girl*.

Abby grinned at Tony, who shrugged but smiled. "They have good taste in which hair to play with." She grinned at that compliment to her pigtails.

***

An agent at NCIS looked up, frowning at the screaming. "Not know you!" a kid screamed. Then an adult screamed as he went flying over a railing. He looked at the other agents nearby before rushing up to check on the kids. He knew DiNozzo had his kid with that Council guy up there with the other Council toddlers. "Hey, what happened, little guy?" He looked around. DiNozzo was out. Abby was out. Gibbs was going to rip someone a new asshole for this. He looked at the kids, checking them. "It's okay. They're just napping. We'll protect you from the bad guys. Just calm down and hug the auntie, okay?" He pointed at Abby. That kid wobbled over to hug her. "Someone get Ducky! Whoever that dick is knocked out DiNozzo and Abby plus three of the four kids!"

"How did the idiot go flying," his supervising agent demanded, leaning in. "Hey, little guy. Did you do that?"

"DiNozzo's kid was made with that guy from the Council," the agent said quietly. "I'm betting one of them has some magic."

"Me too. Ducky's on his way up, so are guards." He looked around. "Bring me up something for the kid to play with until we can figure out what knocked them out." Someone donated their desktop toys for Jesse to play with. "Thanks." He got out of Ducky's way. "Apparently he knocked the bad guy over the railing somehow, Ducky."

"Good! That's excellent. Figure out who the future dead person is please." He came to check Tony and Abby then the kids. The one awake was staring at him. "It's all right, I'm a doctor. I'm making sure they're okay. I'd never hurt a baby." The baby kept staring at him until he backed off, smiling at him. "You're a good boy." He stood up. "I can smell the remains of knockout gas." An agent came in to check things with a sensor, finding the gas bomb in the air duct. "Which one are you, sweetheart? Can you tell us your name?"

Jesse picked up the stuffed tiger to hold up. "Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" he growled then gave him a shit-eating grin. "Not know you. Eat you."

"I'm sure the tiger will eat us if we're a threat," Ducky promised, patting him on the head. Joyceline groaned, starting to sniffle as she woke up. Jesse frowned at her, patting her hard on the head. "Let her wake up, dear. She's probably got a headache. A head booboo." He checked her over. The tiger got in his way. "I'm not going to harm your sister, dear. I'm very certain she'll beat me before your tiger can eat me." He grinned at him. "I'm a doctor, like the one who gives shots."

"Mean you."

"Sometimes doctors are but I don't have to give shots today." He checked her over. Joyceline woke up and flipped away from him, glaring at him. "It's all right, dear. I'm trying to make sure you're all right. I'm a doctor, like a baby doctor but not quite." He smiled. "It's all right."

She stared at him then patted her brother on the back. "Shiny?"

"No, Daddy take," he complained. He looked then grinned, getting Arlin's other daddy's shiny. He waved it. "Mine!" Then he smirked. "Shiny boom."

"Yes it would," Ducky said, taking it from him. "But that's not safe for you." Someone ran up the stairs. "Who's that?"

"Gibbs," one of the agents said, getting out of the way. "The little guy threw the bad one of us over the railing, Gibbs."

"Good! Who was he with?"

"No idea," that agent said. "He's in the morgue from the fall." Gibbs nodded, grimacing some. "He's very protective."

"Yes he is. Jesse, I've got it. Just play and I'll protect you guys." Jesse stared at him, reaching for the shiny weapon again. "No, you don't need that. I've got mine." He patted it. Joyceline held up the tiger and went 'grr'. Gibbs grinned at her. "I know, it'll protect you. It'll be okay. Your dad's on his way here. Someone get Harris here sooner and find out how we wake up DiNozzo and Abby!"

"It's a gas," someone yelled. "Should wear off shortly. Safe on kids too thankfully."

"Good. Find out who the idiot was with. I want to have a talk to them once DiNozzo is awake." Someone came off the elevator with a large gun but it was Xander so he let it go for now. "They're okay. Two are awake."

Xander stared at him. "What happened?"

"Someone gassed them," Gibbs said.

"The little guy didn't succumb to the gas attack," Ducky said. "He somehow propelled the bad guy over the railing and down onto a filing cabinet." He pointed at the dented place. "Though he had been alive when I checked him. The children all appear to be fine and he's quite protective of everyone."

Xander walked around the agents. "You did good protecting Arlin's daddy and his friend plus your siblings." He gave him a hug. "Good job." He grinned at Joy. "Hey, baby girl. You okay?"

"Grr?" she asked.

"Sure, the tiger can scare them off." He kissed her on the head. "Want a cuddle?"

"No." She grinned. "Toys?"

"Sure you can play for now." He looked at Jesse. "You did good things." Jesse grinned, getting down to play with his sister.

"He took DiNozzo's gun," Gibbs said.

Xander grinned and nodded. "He does love weapons. Jesse's every bit a mini me sometimes. Then again, sometimes so are Arlin and Joyceline. Usually they like shiny but not weapons. Henry is apparently a book nerd in the making for all his daddy had been an arms dealer."

Gibbs shook his head. "I see more toys than they brought. Probably Abby's."

"That's fine. As long as she didn't mind and they didn't steal."

"No, DiNozzo made sure the kids couldn't wander," the other supervising agent said. "They were real good and the first we knew something was going on, the guy went flying."

"Jesse does have some magic," Xander agreed. "He's very protective of his family too. He's scowled at incubus who came to flirt with me and everything."

"He's one hell of a kid, but I would've expected him to be from someone like Abby," he said.

"No, Jesse's dad was the other arms dealer they used. He had been French military at one time." Xander grinned at him. "I'm still trying to figure out why HYDRA thought I'd make a great soldier for them."

"You're scary in many ways," an agent said, leaning in. He grinned. "When do we get to babysit, Harris?"

"When I'm dead? Because you're a bad guy worse than most I've dated," he finished with a grin.

"Grr him?" Jesse asked. "Or shiny boom?" He looked so hopeful at his daddy's gun. "Mine, Daddy?" he cooed, petting it.

Xander kissed him on the head. "Mine but you can help me clean it later, Jesse."

"Grr him then?"

"No, he won't touch you. I'd get really mad at him, tell all my other dates, and Joyceline's daddy."

"Oooooh," Joyceline cooed. "Shiny booms," she said with a grin for the bad guy. "You kissy Daddy?"

"No, he's not into me, dear. Who're you?"

"Grrrr," she said, petting the tiger.

"Okay, sure you're a tiger," he said. Xander looked at him, moving a weapon to draw attention to it. The guy waved. "I'll let you guys relax after the battles earlier." He fled before Xander killed him for being near his kids.

Xander looked at the kids. "C'mon, we'll go back to the hotel room. Daddy Tony can come check on you guys tonight when he's not napping." The two awake kids nodded, gathering things up. "Those aren't ours."

"The animals came from Abby," Tony groaned, sitting up holding his head. He looked. "That's from Robertson's desk." He came in to get his toys and left. "Thanks for the help, guys."

"Welcome," Gibbs said. "Your son's mean."

Xander looked at him. "As opposed to letting bad guys snatch him and making me be mean when I kill them all?" he quipped with a grin. "He doesn't understand what he did but when he's older we'll go over better methods of self defense."

"That'll help and we'll help him learn things too," Tony said, blinking at the kids. "You guys were good all day." Xander snorted, looking at him. "They were. They played. Arlin got Joy back for picking on the boys again." Xander nodded, looking at his daughter, who grinned at him and waved the tiger's stuffed paw. "He went 'grr' at her until she gave up."

"They do enjoy doing that," Xander said, looking at his kids. They all grinned back. "Let's go to the hotel. We'll have dinner soon." The kids followed him to the elevator and down to the car they had rented. They all got into their seats without complaining. Of course, Xander had to take back a few stolen knives and a stolen derringer. They were his kids after all.

***

Xander walked into the house and was handed Nira as Andrew walked past him. "Hey, baby girl. Want to hang with me for a while?" He patted her on the back, making her belch. "I know, you had the gassy face." He kissed her on the head. "Guys, come play with Nira."

"Grrr?" Henry asked, holding up Arlin's stuffed tiger friend.

"The tiger needs to protect her, not grr at her. She's too little to earn grrs." He settled in the living room, letting the kids gather around the baby to confuse her by trying to play with her. It was a fun game, they loved her confused looks at them.

"Daddy, what a zoo?" Arlin asked. "Other aunties say is nice. Has grr too."

"Most zoos do have tigers, yeah." He smiled. "I have no idea if there's one nearby." He pulled out his phone, taking it back from Joyceline. "Let me look stuff up first. Then you can have it for a while." He looked up zoos locally. "There is one. Hmm. Andrew, does the house have a pass to the zoo?" he called.

"Nope. Giles said he might have but the girls would never be in school."

Xander nodded. "Sometimes, yup. Huge zoo, guys." They were all staring at him. "Hmm, 180 acres? Wow. Tram service between two points so we can walk the major things. How long does it usually take, 'Drew?"

"They say four hours. I say do it in two days." He leaned in. "If you can get them there before their second birthday they get in free and you pay twelve something. If not, there's a family pass option."

Xander clicked on that link, nodding. "Eighty-five bucks for two adults and up to six kids under nineteen for the most basic family pass. Not a bad deal. Reduced rates at other zoos across the country.... Ten percent off at the zoo stores. That's handy," he mumbled. "Need a photo ID to use the pass...." He looked at Andrew, who shrugged. "It has a babysitter option as well." He grinned. "Okay, I'll buy a yearly pass. Your name's going on second. I'll have them put on a babysitter option as well. Eighty-five bucks isn't bad. We'll do a few exhibits each time...." Andrew nodded. "We can start with the elephants since they've already seen them and they want to see tigers. Which are apparently in with the bears all the way at the other end of the zoo. Okay. Sure." He grinned. "We can do that tomorrow. Today Daddy's tired." They pouted. "You guys need laundry done. And it's time for a nap. We'll go tomorrow after Daddy gets everyone off to school."

"Someone is still driving on a California license," Andrew said dryly, smirking at him.

"Okay, you guys will nap and I'll sneak off to the DMV while you guys don't give Andrew any problems? Or I'll pay Sarah."

"Pay Sarah, I've got to grocery shop. Also, wear the fake eye."

Xander nodded. "Yeah, I can do that." He looked at the pouty kids. "We'll see animals tomorrow. Let's go deal with the clothes!" He clapped. Joyceline stole his phone, Arlin and his tiger ran up to look at the clothes. Henry yawned, napping on Joy's back, and Jesse went to wander off. "Okay, I'll go deal with the clothes. Nira will learn to like clothes, but not like the slayers do." He carried her upstairs to help Arlin sort things. He did like to sort stuff.

Andrew grinned, watching Xander handle chaos was great fun.

***

Joyceline stole her father's phone the next night when he laid down on the couch to nap while they finished working off their snacks from earlier at the zoo. She found Pepper's number, it had her picture on it. She pushed it and smiled when it was answered. "Pepper! Animals!" she squealed. "Lots animals!" She grinned, listening to that auntie talk about the zoo. "Oooh? Yes, more animals! Few today, some later. Yup, lots animals!" she said with a huge grin for her father, who was staring at her. "Daddy!" She handed it over.

"We bought a yearly zoo pass earlier," he said in greeting. "It allows up to six kids for free and it'll give discounts at other zoos. So if you wanted to let him take her to the one up there, I'll send the card with her." He sat up with a groan. "No, she did really good with the animals but she's seen some before in villages. She already had a fondness for donkeys and dogs. Arlin's got a stuffed tiger that they chide each other with when they get mean to each other. We did about a third of the zoo today, mostly the African section since it was nearer to the entrance. Fish? I don't know about fish. We didn't do that part yet." She laughed. "So if he wants to take her to an aquarium that's all good. It's good for her and it'd give him some stress free time if he wanted.

"Yup, no, it's the cheaper family membership. Don't worry about it. It was less than a month's pay, so it's all good. No, only eighty-five here for the basic family plan and it has a babysitter option so that's even more handy in case they want to bring a slayer. Plus it gives us a discount if we wanted to plan a later birthday party there or something. Yup. Thanks. No, she stole my phone from my pocket while I was resting my eyes. We just got home. Thanks, Pepper. Have a great night. Say night, Joy," he said, holding the phone toward her.

"Nighties, Pepper!" she cooed. "Good girl!" She blew a kiss and hung up.

He grinned at her. "Ask when you want my phone, not stealing it," he said. "Go play." She cooed at Nira, who was napping in her carrier. The boys were finally settling down. She huffed but cuddled Arlin since he had the tiger. They'd have to decide if they wanted some stuffed friends later.

Xander laid back down, smiling at his heathens. They had been really well behaved. Much better than the kids he had seen at the DMV that morning. And no mean people who complained about his fake eye.

***

Tony Stark looked up as Pepper walked into his lab smiling. "Good news? Our stock is up?"

"Your daughter stole his phone to call me about the animals she saw today. They did about a third of the Cleveland zoo."

"Awww."

"He said he'd send the membership card up with us to get discounted admission if you wanted to take her to ours. He's not sure if she knows what fish are."

"I can definitely plan that the next time she's up here." He smiled at her. "She seemed to like animals. She stopped everyone to try to pet their dogs when we went out that night."

Pepper nodded. "She's seen some when they were traveling. Xander said she liked donkeys and dogs from the villages."

"Even better. Maybe she'll be a vet or something."

"Maybe." She patted him on the arm. "You need to redo your will."

"Yup, I'll get on that tonight." She smiled and left him to work. He settled in to read over his old will, and make the necessary changes. His lawyer would love that but oh well.

***

"Dwarves aren't real!" a male called as he walked away from Abby.

"Xander, the father of my son, had some babysitting the kids while he took mystical artifacts from HYDRA," Tony quipped as he passed by him in the hall. "Not sure if they were from Asgard too."

The agent shuddered, going to complain about that thought. Maybe they'd get DiNozzo sent in for a drug test.

Abby pouted at him. "I told him about the babysitting time the dwarves in Africa did," he said, making her happy again. "Not sure if they were originally Asgardian."

"Maybe. The myths do talk about dwarves."

"I need help finding more stuffed friends for them, Abby. They make every single animal in a stuffed size."

"What animals do they like?"

"Every one according to Xander. They did a third of the Cleveland zoo, mostly the African parts." He sat down. "I'm not sure what type I should get and if I should get more than one so they don't have to share."

"You probably could. You're at least an uncle to the other kids. Wow, Xander's stronger than I am if he took all four kids to the zoo."

"Five. He has Nira most of the time."

"Hmm." She considered it. "You can get them one of each that you find cute."

"They had stuffed huskies and otters that were cute. They had stuffed elephants and giraffes too. Even on sale that's a huge zoo of animals."

"There's other babies at the Council." She considered it. "You could start with one animal from each section of the zoo up there. I think it's broken into sections." She looked and nodded. "So basically one from each exhibit." She looked at him. "Or you could let them pick it out."

"Their birthdays are really soon."

"Are they on the same day?"

"Not sure," he admitted. He sent Xander a text message, getting one back. "The American embassy he took them to for the paperwork threw fits about their lack of birth certificates until he pointed out that they had made the kids without his help, and the lab notes had all that in there. They issued them birth certificates with that information and they all have passports." He nodded, sending back a question about stuffed animals. "Xander's having a vision of a huge room full of stuffed animals. He suggested a monkey, a dog, and a cuddly thing of some sort. So maybe a bear." He got a second message, grinning at the silliness of the suggestion. "He said he's getting them germ plushies so they can tell him what's upsetting them. Just the common ones like ear ache, colds, stomach aches, those ones. Plus one for Joyceline to give to her daddy for his birthday."

"Some of those are very cute," Abby agreed, pulling up that webpage. "I have a few at home. Including the two lab mice ones." She smiled at Ducky when he came in. "Xander's going to get the common kiddy things in plushie form so the kids can tell him what's wrong."

"Those are adorable. I know a health educator who uses the sexual disease ones as educational tools."

"Hopefully my son will never bring one of those to a doctor to tell him what's wrong," Tony said dryly, grinning at him. "I'm trying to decide what stuffed animals to get the kids for their upcoming birthdays."

"Bears seem to be very standard."

"Xander suggested I get a monkey, a dog, and a cuddly thing that the tiger would eat."

"Get a giant stuffed rabbit?" Abby said with a grin. "That'd scare the tiger."

"Joy would use it to bully the boys. He's been working on her over that problem."

"I thought it was neat how the boys use the tiger to make her stop it," Abby said, grinning at Ducky.

"It was a darling tiger. Did you two see the news stories about a stuffed tiger causing calls to emergency services? They thought it was real more than once."

"I'm hoping the one the boys have won't turn real to protect them," Tony said.

"I hadn't thought about them doing that but I suppose someone like Miss Rosenburg could. She's turned people into animals in the past." He patted Tony on the arm before leaving to find a way to get that thought out of his head.

"So a stuffed monkey, a stuffed husky, and a stuffed bunny?" Abby suggested.

Tony nodded. "That sounds good to me."

***

Joyceline was once again up in New York with her father, just after her birthday so they could celebrate it. She had her new stuffed long-haired bunny rabbit in her lap to pet. "Daddy?" He hummed, looking at her. "Nira come?"

"I think she needs to be with her daddy."

"You?"

"No, she's Andrew and Xander's. Not mine." He gave her a short hug and a smile. "You're my only baby, Joy." She stared at him, clearly not understanding. "You can call her later if you want." She nodded, going back to petting her rabbit. "You've been very good today."

"Good girl's candy?" she asked with a grin.

"If you can talk Pepper into not making cake, sure." She squealed and ran off to find Pepper. Tony chased after her so she wouldn't get hurt. She was really fast!

She found Pepper and someone was nagging her about something. "Shithead! My Pepper!" She kicked him on the ankle. "Daddy be *very* mad!"

Pepper smiled at her, taking her to cuddle. "Yes, I'm your favorite auntie," she cooed. "It's all right. He's not upsetting me that much, Joy."

"Nira?" she asked her.

"Um, well." She looked at Tony, who shrugged. "You know how Arlin has his own daddy with Daddy Xander?"

She frowned. "Confoosed!"

"We'll go over it later, after we call Nira and the boys." Joy squealed, hugging her as hard as she could. "You're such a good girl."

"Good girl candy?" she asked, looking hopeful, holding up her pouty bunny to help her case.

"We're having cake for dinner since you're two yesterday. It's your birthday party tonight. Don't you want cake?" Joy got up to dance around at the cake idea. "I thought you might like cake." She patted her on the head. "You're still a great little girl." She smiled at the idiot annoying her. "You're still here?" He huffed off.

"Brovers?" she asked her auntie and daddy. "They need cake."

"They have cake at home with all the other aunties and uncles," Tony said. "Tonight's our celebration for just us. Okay?" She nodded. "Why don't you go see Clint. He's pouty today." She frowned. "Bow guy, Joy. He could use a hug from your rabbit."

She frowned as she looked around. Tony took her up to the common area. She heard Clint on the porch and ran out to pounce him. "Not happy? Have cake."

"We're having cake for dinner?" he asked with a smile for her. "It must be your birthday." She grinned. "Aww, is that your rabbit? I heard Uncle Tony bought you one."

She held it up. "Candy?" she asked, pouting like her rabbit was.

"Cake later, then candy." She hugged him again, making him happier. "Why are you up here by yourself?"

"Daddy say huggy you."

"Ah! Yeah, I could use a hug. Want read to?" She looked around almost frantically, finding a book to bring back. "Sure, I can read you that." He settled her next to him on the chair to read. She was a great little girl. Natasha came out to sit near them. "We're having cake later."

"Hmm. Tony said her birthday was yesterday so this is her party with us." She smiled at the young girl.

"Candy?" she asked, pouting with her rabbit at the new auntie. She liked this one. She seemed nice like her other daddy was.

"Candy after cake," Clint said. "Want the rest of the story?" She stared up at him, letting him get back to reading.

Natasha smiled at the duo. Joyceline was very good at begging. She'd get some of Clint's candy stash by dinner she was sure.

***

Joyceline was wandering around the tower that night. She should have been in bed but something had woken her. So now she was wandering around. She found a weird room that was very bright and had a bed that didn't look very comfy. It looked uncomfy like the crib Nira slept in. She noticed the sheets moved so someone was up there. She wandered in and stared up at the top of the bed. It was really high. She held her rabbit up to stare over the edge of the bed for her. If they were nice like her daddy her rabbit would like them. A dark haired man's head looked down at her. "Hi!" She grinned and waved.

"How did you get in here?"

She held up her rabbit. "Hoppity."

"It's a nice rabbit, kid. Who are you?"

She looked. "Up?"

"You shouldn't." She pouted. Then sniffled. He pulled her up to keep her contained with her rabbit. "Who're you?"

"Good girl." She grinned. "Candy?" she asked, pouting like the rabbit she held up.

"I don't have any candy. They don't let me. Sorry. That's a cute rabbit. Does it have a name?"

She looked around. She needed the tiger. "Grr?" she asked, protecting her rabbit from the grr. Things that went grr were mean and would eat her rabbit.

"No, I don't go grr. Does your parent work here? In the tower?" She leaned over to hug him. "Um... you shouldn't do that."

"Hugs," she said, staring up at him, grinning slightly. "Need hugs."

"I guess you needing a hug is okay."

"You need. Me hoppity." She grinned, pulling her rabbit with her to cuddle him. He needed a cuddle. He seemed nice like her daddy so that was cool. "Unclie?"

"I....maybe. I have no idea." He was giving the kid an odd look but she pulled his metallic arm over to hug her. "Um...sure. I guess I can give you a hug. I won't hurt you."

She giggled. "Not bad guy. Not shiny." She grinned, going back to her cuddling.

About an hour later, someone stomped in. "She walked in and made her rabbit stare at me," he told Steve. "I have no idea who she is. I asked and she avoided questions like a pro."

"That's Joyceline. She's half Tony's and half a guy in Cleveland's. HYDRA made her come into being."

"Did they tamper?" he demanded.

"Not that we can tell. They wanted future soldiers," he said quietly. "Is she okay?"

"She begged for candy. She said I needed a hug and I wasn't a bad boy because I'm not shiny."

"She's the same one that went to pet the shiny villain a few months back," Steve said dryly. "Somehow, she keeps getting free to wander." He stared at his old friend. "Are you okay? Did she hurt you?"

"No. I feel really weird. She pulled my arm over to make me hug her." He looked down at her. "She's a special little girl. Bit smartass but one hell of a girl."

"Like both her fathers," Steve agreed. "Her brother likes weapons." He carefully picked her up but she flinched and struggled. "Hey, it's me, it's Uncle Steve. I'm taking you back to your dad so you can go to bed. Calm down, Joyceline!"

"No!" she shouted and wiggled enough he had to drop her. "Good boy! Not bed!" She picked up her rabbit to hide behind her. "Need grr," she complained.

"The tiger's at home, sweetheart. You know me. You can come visit James in the morning. It's late and you should be in bed." She scowled at him. "I've seen that look on your dad's face when I suggested he go to bed instead of staying up for another day in the lab," he said dryly. He pulled out his phone to text Tony, who came jogging in. "She wouldn't let me remove her. She panicked a bit and said she needed her brother's stuffed tiger."

"She wouldn't tell me who she was," James said. "She snuck in and I woke up to a rabbit staring at me. She made me hug her and told me I'm not shiny."

Stark blinked at his daughter, who was trying to protect James and her rabbit. "Hmm. Okay. Joy, wanna come to the lab with me?"

"No! Hugs!" She pointed at Bucky. "Needs hugs! Mine!"

"Okay, we'll all go to the lab for now," he said, looking at James, who nodded. He got up with her, letting her climb up to hug him again. Steve made sure she had the rabbit to cuddle and they went to the lab. "Step into the scanner," Tony said quietly. "I'm going to see if she's got a gift like empathy."

"Why would HYDRA give her that?" Steve asked.

"It could be natural," Tony said. "Two of the boys have magic." Bucky moved closer to the scanner and she stiffened. "It's all right. I'm just taking pictures of your rabbit. We have to name the rabbit, Joy. What should we name it?" He set the scanner going. Bucky was close enough.

She watched the light go over her, frowning at it. "Why?"

"It's taking pictures," Tony said with a grin. "So we can have a permanent one on the computer. That way I can look at it when I miss you." On his computer a picture popped into view. "See?"

She looked then at him, shaking her head. "Not me."

"Oh, no, that's the insides. Let me do it again." He did and took a picture of her the regular way. That came up in front of the scans. "There, better picture." She grinned at him. "Want James to take you to bed? He can read a story too."

"Story?" she asked, eyes wide as she stared up at him.

"Yeah, I can read. I have no idea what to do with you though."

"Good girl. Candy?" she asked with a grin for her father.

"In the morning. After breakfast. I have to buy some," he lied. She huffed but poked Bucky. He picked up a kid book and Steve took them up to her room to put her down again while Tony looked over the scans.

***

The next night, Bucky looked down from staring at the ceiling, seeing a familiar rabbit staring at him from over the edge of the bed. He sat up to look down at her. "What are you doing in here?" She tried to climb up but couldn't. She fussed, she pouted. He stared at her.

"Up!" she whined. "Pwease!"

"Fine." He picked her up and put her onto the foot of the bed. She and the rabbit climbed up into his lap and pulled his arms around her to hug. "Doesn't Daddy hug you?"

"You hug."

"Fine, I'll hug." He cuddled her, watching her fall asleep. Tony strolled in a short while later. "This is weird."

"It appears she's a bit empathic somehow." He carefully took her back. "I know you won't hurt her, Barnes. Even if she bites you or something."

"She only wants me to hug her and the rabbit."

"An empath would feel you being upset or sad so she's trying to make you feel better, not herself," Tony said, staring at him. Barnes winced. "It's nothing you're doing, and no one's going to tell you to quit having those feelings. I'll try to figure out how to help her block those. Maybe Xander knows." He carried her off, bringing her back to the lab. Xander worked nights so he was probably up. With Nira being fussy as it turned out when Skype connected. "Our daughter is apparently an empath of some sort."

Xander quit patting Nira's back to stare at him. "I hadn't realized that. Especially with the way she bullies the boys."

"I scanned her after she went down to make Barnes hug her with her rabbit." He looked at her then at Xander on the screen. "Is there anything we can do to help her block it before all the hormonal girls you live around drive her nuts?"

"It's not an unheard of skill, it's seen a lot like being a seer. All the mentions I've seen come with magic usually or a gift like being a seer actually. She's tested negative for any gifts when I had a coven member look. Jesse and Arlin both have magic but Arlin's is pretty weak, barely capable of doing anything with it they said." He considered it. "I'll look that up tonight and ask the coven tomorrow. Without asking Willow."

"Thanks. It's a bit worrying. What if it's a sad shiny bad guy next time," Tony quipped.

"She'd probably adopt him," Xander joked back, grinning at him. Nira let out a loud wail. "What?" he asked her, staring at her. "I have no idea what's wrong tonight. The baby doc said it wasn't colic."

"Milk allergy? Changed her formula?" Tony guessed.

"Tiny bit of the formula. Different type but the same brand. She hated the other stuff though." He shrugged, patting her on the back again and looking down the back of her diaper. "Just air so far. Maybe she's backed up. We have no idea. She ran Andrew ragged all day." He saw the rabbit twitch and grinned. "Hey, Princess."

"Daddy?" She grinned. "Nira!" She stared. "She have belly."

"I knew she had a belly ache, sweetie. Any idea why?"

She shook her head. "Just belly." She hugged her rabbit and her father's arm. "Me home soon?"

"Soonish. This weekend. I've got to come up for a meeting so me and the boys will pick you up and bring you home then?" he asked Tony.

"That works for us," he agreed, smiling at his little girl. "She's been very helpful."

"That's great. I like her in helpful mode a lot more than I liked her in picking on her brothers mode."

"Me girl," she said.

"You're not the only girl. Nira's a girl too," Xander shot back with a grin. "Don't pick on the boys."

"Yes, Daddy."

"Thank you. Who were you hugging?"

"Tired man. Him have shiny arm but he not shiny. He tired and upset and sore and needed hug," she said with a nod.

"Okay, that's really nice of you, dear. Thank you for making him feel better." She grinned again. He looked at Tony. "Did you take her to the z-o-o?"

"For six hours of squealing," Tony said. "We went with a few of the kids with parents who work in the tower. Me, four other parents, and sixteen kids of varying ages."

"Could be worse. It could be an entire kindergarten class of thirty or so with just you and two other adults," Xander said. "We ran into one of those on our last trip to the one here. The teachers *really* needed a drink and they'd only been through three exhibits."

"I'm so glad I'm not ever going to do that," Tony said.

Xander smiled. "Me too. Five is more than enough." He waved. "I'll see you Saturday. Okay? Three more days?" She grinned and nodded, waving her rabbit's paw at him. "Nighty night, Joy."

"Nighties, Daddy." She blew kisses until Tony turned it off. She looked up at this daddy. "Story?"

"I can do that," he agreed, carrying her off to bed. "You have been very good."

"Candy?" she asked with a grin.

"Tomorrow. I haven't gotten to buy any yet." She was also very impatient. Clearly that came from him.

***

Steve noticed Joyceline coming off the elevator looking slightly upset but scowling like she was pissed off. "Hey, Joy, are you okay?" he asked with a grin. He adored the little girl. She was a little hellion.

She looked at him. "Hoppity mad."

"Your rabbit's mad? Why is your rabbit mad?"

"No!" She stomped a foot like Auntie Dawn did. She huffed, walking off cuddling her rabbit again. The other mad one wasn't any better. She found him first so she hugged him. "No be mad."

He flinched, looking down at her. "I'm not mad at you, Joy. You're a good girl, even if you shouldn't be wandering around without someone watching you." He picked her up to hug. "See, I'm not mad."

She stared at him. "Dumbass. Is mad."

He blinked at her. "I promise I'm not mad." She huffed just like her auntie did when boys were being clueless. Then she wiggled to get down and wandered off again babbling noise at her rabbit. Bruce went to talk to Tony. "Is something wrong with Joy? She just came to hug me because she thought I was mad. She called me a dumbass when I told her I wasn't mad, then she huffed off like a teenage girl."

Tony grinned at him. "We think she's empathic. She's been going to make Bucky hug her."

Bruce leaned against the door frame, considering that. "So she felt me being mad underneath." Tony nodded. "That's dangerous."

"We'll teach her not to go near you when you're overall mad, not just frustrated with the lab, Bruce."

"Thanks. I don't want to hurt her."

"The last time the Hulk saw her, she was petting a villain. He laughed."

"I remember, but still."

"I'll do what I can, Bruce."

"Thanks, Tony. I really don't want to hurt her."

"Me either. Where is she now?"

"Huffed off like a teenage girl babbling noise at her rabbit, heading for the elevator. I'm hoping she went upstairs. Bucky's been mad all day too."

"Apparently she really likes him." He went to check on Bucky, finding him throwing a fit and her sighing while tapping a foot. "Joy," he ordered.

"You hush," she ordered. Bucky flinched, looking at her. She stared at him, rabbit under her arm. "You better now? Fits happen, Daddy say so."

"You should not be in here," he ordered, glaring at her.

She laughed. "You not scary monster. Daddy hunts those."

He gaped then looked at Tony. "Xander does hunt scary monsters but she's not allowed near them. I hope."

She grinned at him. "Visit Sarah!" She walked over to look up at Bucky. "Better now? We have cookies to be better." She patted his hand with a grin.

He leaned down to get in her face. "No, I'm not better enough yet to do that."

She snorted. "Tough shit." She hauled on his arm. He didn't budge. "C'mon! Or else I tell Andrew! Make you move!" She stared at him.

Tony walked in to pick her up. "That's up to him, not you. Don't upset Bucky."

"I... She was going to have whoever Andrew is make me move?"

"'VIS!" she called. "Andrew need bad boy!"

A virtual screen popped up with Andrew cooking. He looked at her. "Is your dad going to be mad that you're being a little butt today?" he asked dryly.

"Him feels. Him fit. Need to go sit and have milk and cookies."

Andrew smiled at her. "Milk and cookies fix many things but it may not help his bad mood. Big people have bad moods sometimes, dear."

"Not a scary monster!"

"No, he's not a scary monster," Andrew agreed. He looked directly at Bucky. "Anymore."

Bucky nodded. "That's why I stay down here. She's come in the last few nights to make me hug her."

"She's a girl, that's what they do. That and heal injured kittens in the alleys." He stared at him.

"We're pretty sure she's a bit empathic, Andrew," Tony said.

"Again, that's a girlish thing to do." He looked at her. "You're not big enough to force him like the slayers do."

"Slayers help me?" she asked.

"I'm not sending slayers up to help you make him feel better, Joy. That would be mean to the others when they squealed. If you want that sort of help up there, call Sandra. She's in the local house. Xander's sent around pictures so she knows you on sight if something happens."

"I hadn't even thought about that," Tony admitted.

Andrew grinned. "You might introduce her to the other hero sorts so they don't get confused too."

"I can do that later today." He looked at Bucky. "C'mon, we can go have milk and cookies before she calls the local slayers to come pounce you."

She grinned. "Him park feels better?" she asked Bucky then Andrew.

"I'm down here because I could hurt people," he told her.

She snorted and waved a hand. "So can toaster. You not a toaster."

Andrew giggled. "That's very true, yes. He's not a toaster and even toasters can hurt people if they use it wrong. It's up to the toaster using himself right to not hurt people."

"I don't...."

Andrew looked at him. "You don't trust yourself to use the gifts they gave you. I get that. We see it a lot with the younger slayers who're freaked out by having the extras. Usually the first time they break something during a temper tantrum." Bucky winced. "One nearly brought her whole hut down on her mother's head for telling her not to do something she wanted to do. Thankfully Xander could show up to talk to her about it and careful use of her gifts. Super strength can be a bitch when all you want to do is hug someone. We've had a few that've accidentally broken ribs on their siblings or friends after bad things because they just really wanted to hug them."

"I know how to use them."

"You don't trust yourself to use them," Andrew said. "Big difference between can and will."

"I.... I'm not going on field missions."

"Someone's still got to open stuck pickle jars," Andrew said bluntly. "There's many uses for super strength, including all the rebuilding things going on in various cities. Being really strong isn't just for punching people across the room."

"I... I get that," Bucky said.

"Good. Now, missy." He stared at her. "Be a good girl."

"He mad! I fix! Need cookies and milk!"

"I have no idea if we even have cookies," Tony admitted.

He flapped a hand. "You'll have some in about ten minutes." Tony smirked at that. "What? It's saving them from the adopting committee of two mini slayers and the boys who brought home the world's mangiest, shaggiest, nastiest dog ever," he said sarcastically. "So Xander's at the vets with them getting it a new home and picking out a gerbil for a house pet." He waved then cut the call.

She grinned at Bucky. "See, no more fit. All fixed," she cooed, pulling him closer to pat him on the cheek. "Good boy you."

"Yeah, I guess," he said, looking at Stark.

"She's a Stark, we're all weird," he said. "C'mon, you know she'll pout and whine if you don't have milk and cookies with her."

"That's something kids seem to do." He sighed but followed them up there. Joy wiggled free and leapt at him, letting Tony hand her back her rabbit when she accidentally dropped him. Bucky held her so she could coo and pat him. She looked at his arm then at him. "Not shiny like Jesse likes. No shiny booms. Just pretty." She kissed it then his cheek.

He looked at her. "You're weird."

"Good me." She grinned.

Tony shook his head. "I'll tell Pepper," he said quietly.

"Pepper cookies? She cookies us?"

"I'll see if she'd like to have cookies with us," he said, sending that text message then one about what had been happening today. "JARVIS, make sure we have enough cookies please." They got off the elevator and headed for the kitchen, him pulling out the milk to sniff. That gallon was bad so he got the other one. Still bad. "And milk please, JARVIS." He found a pint of milk that wasn't bad and poured her a glass. He and Bucky got coffee. "It's like milk for big people, dear," he said at her scowl. The tin of cookies appeared and she portioned them out. Tony pulled out a few for Pepper too plus put on some water for tea for her. She came off the elevator smiling. "See, Pepper can have cookies with us."

"Hi, Pepper!" she cooed, giving her a hug from Bucky's lap. "Good girl you. Get cookies."

"Cookies are always a welcome thing," she agreed, smiling at her. "We've got to trim your hair. Or do something with it. You need a brush, young lady."

She patted down her hair. "Prettier? Need ribbons?"

"We'll figure that out after cookies." She smiled at Bucky. "She likes you."

"I can tell." He frowned at the back of the baby's head. "She interrupted my moment of anger to tell me I'm not a dangerous toaster."

Pepper giggled, nodding. "You're not."

"Toaster bad. Him not toaster," Joyceline said firmly.

"No, he's not a toaster," Pepper agreed. "Or that dangerous unless he wants to be." Joy smiled at her favorite hugging target, eating her cookies and milk with him.

Steve came off the elevator, getting a few of the cookies and some coffee too. "I heard thanks to a camera," he told Tony. "She's real special."

Tony nodded. "We're pretty sure she's empathic. She told Bruce earlier he didn't have to be mad. Called him a bad name too."

"I heard that from Bruce."

"Him cookies?" she asked.

"When we get more. There's only three left," Tony said. "We'll bring him some cookies on the way back to the lab? The robots miss you."

She grinned. "Nice them." She dug in again, holding up a piece for Bucky to eat. She stared at him when he didn't take the hint. He sighed and ate the piece of cookie, earning a smile and a pat. When she was done with her cookies and milk, and half of one of her father's cookies he was ignoring for too long, the other cookies were there so they packed some up to take to the labs for Bruce. She patted Bucky and kissed him on the cheek. "Be good boy." She and her rabbit carried the cookies off, following her dad. She ran into Bruce's lab and up into his lap, holding up the pile of napkins. "Cookies you? You not get cookies and milk with me."

"I like cookies. Thank you," he said, smiling at her. "You're a good girl."

She grinned. "Maybe." She kissed him on the nose then left him alone to go play with her daddy's robots. They were neat.

Tony shrugged. "She made Bucky come have cookies with her because he's not a toaster and toasters are dangerous," he said quietly.

"She's really...I'm not sure if that's brave or caring."

"Both." He walked off. "Happy cookies, Bruce."

"Thanks, Tony." He settled in to nibble while studying his blood sample. They really had to look at Joyceline's blood soon. There was no telling what HYDRA had done to the embryos.

***

Tony looked up as Xander pushed in a large blue stroller that had three sets of dual seats. The kids fit nicely in them, with plenty of room under the canopy. Nira's babyseat was across the back two seats. There was a place in the second row for Joyceline. She squealed, bouncing up to hug her other father then climbed in to be buckled in. "That's cute."

"I found it online. It fits up to six kids to fifty pounds each," he said with a grin. "They have to climb in but they don't mind and it's got plenty of diaper bag room." He grinned at the kids. "Plus it fits through doorways. It was this or the train one that didn't have a shade canopy."

"That's nice," Tony agreed. He patted all the kids on the head and let Nira drool on him for a second. "She was really good for us. She's almost gotten Bruce to smile a few times because she insists she's curing his bad mood," he said more quietly.

"It may run in my family. I've got an activated seeing gift." Tony gaped. Xander nodded. "Yup, me, visions. After the bad minion popped my eye they activated." He shrugged a bit. "From what I've been able to find, empathy and magic can come from seers, or the other way around. I'm hoping none of them caught my visions since they're brain ripping."

"Nothing to help that?"

"Nope. And I only see apocalypse battles," he said blandly, staring at him. "Which sucks grandly, let me tell you."

"Is that like seizures?"

"I usually get enough warning to pull over," he said. "But I'm not usually found driving anyway unless I'm taking them or the slayers to an appointment. Maybe twice a day right now for some further patrols. I'm still working on getting the big slayers able to drive. They're horrible at it."

"That can be cured."

"They're all focused on the sidewalks to hit any demons with the car," Xander said.

"That's bad," Tony agreed. "I'll see if I can find a teaching manual or something for that. I learned by taking my parents' car out for a drive." He looked at the kids then at him. "What sort of meeting?"

"Watchers. All sorts of assholes who hate that the slayers are independent girls with thoughts of all unbelievable sins. So you may have to come get them while I bail myself out of jail for the fight. Wouldn't be the first one that had happened during one of these meetings. Though Giles will be there this time." He looked down at the kids. "Want to meet Uncle Giles?" They cheered. "Yeah, he'll probably spoil you guys too. He likes to read." That got another cheer. "Let me take the heathens to the hotel." He put back up the canopy. "Have a happy free night, Tony, and thanks."

"Welcome. Let me know what you find out about that. Just in case it causes problems?"

"Yeah, I can do that. I sent you an email with a list of the books we've got about family and bloodline gifts." He strolled the kids out. Pepper paused them to kiss them all on the head and give hugs. "Thanks, Ms. Potts."

"Welcome, Xander. Be good, kids." She stared. "Nira's growing a lot."

"Yes she is, and still doesn't like food." Pepper grinned, walking off to talk to Tony. He got them onto the elevator and down to the front. "The hotel is seven blocks away," he told them. "Count for me, guys. Each corner is one." He pushed them off. At each corner, the kids did count to one. Joyceline realized that there had to be a two somewhere and shouted it out randomly. They'd figure that out soon enough. He pushed the stroller into the hotel, smiling at the man waiting on him. "Jerkins."

"Harris. Yours?"

"Yeah, someone was making future soldiers and decided I'd be a great mom and role model. So they made me five. It had been four but their last ditch effort grew the one between me and Andrew. She's four months old." He grinned.

"Wow. At least the slayers are getting in girl things."

"I pay the slayers who babysit. Though a few have been found to be reading homework to the kids when they're all bored and they can't go outside to play. It helps a lot. Even when Jesse finds hidden weapons to blow up part of the front closet." He pushed the stroller on. "Giles in yet?"

"Just now. He's up on five. We're going to have dinner soon if you have a sitter."

"They can eat with us. They usually do. They're good kids for that." He shot him a look. "Not all of us have nannies."

"Perhaps you should for when there's going to be a huge battle."

"Perhaps, but I've also arranged for one of the younger members of the coven to be paid to watch them during those if the three that have other parents aren't with them." They got on the elevator together. The guy tried to hit Xander in a backhanded blow but Xander stabbed him a bit, making him scream. Xander hefted the guy over his shoulder and pushed the stroller one-handed to Giles' room.

He knocked, getting let in. "Giles, he tried to hit me in the elevator. Apparently he thought I was preoccupied by the dirty diapers I have to change." He dropped the guy, pulling out the diaper bag. "C'mon, Nira. Let's start with you because it'll take the longest. Anyone else who needs changed line up next to the bathroom." He went in there to change her first. She was always more messy these days.

"That formula does not agree with you, daughter. We'll find you a better one." He finished up, putting her on the bath mat to let the other kids in so they could be changed. By the time they came out, Giles was glaring at the one he had shallowly stabbed and the other five watchers in the room were still looking horrified. "Guys, this is Uncle Giles. He lives with Auntie Buffy and he's the guy who pays me so I can buy candy and toys." They all squealed, running over to mob him and show off their stuffed friends.

Giles smiled at them. "It's a wonderful thing to meet you four, children." He hugged each one. "You're such good kids." They grinned and shook their heads.

"Candy?" Joyceline asked, holding up her rabbit and giving him the same pouty look.

"Oh, my, you're better at that than Dawn is," he said, smiling at her. "I don't have any here, precious. We'll get some later." She pouted for real. He gave her an extra hug then the others. Jesse wandered off. "He is certainly your son, Xander."

"Yup. Son, give me the shiny you found please," he said, holding out a hand. Jesse pouted, letting him see it. "Yeah, that's a bad shiny. Back into the carriage so we can take Uncle Giles to get you guys candy for being so good on the flight up." They climbed in and the other watchers helped Giles gather a few things so they could go. Xander called the desk. "Hi, I'm in 528. My son just found an explosive device on the bed. Giles, take the kids please, and please pat down Jesse and Arlin. They both like shiny things. So does Joy."

He listened to her splutter. "Thanks." He handed over Nira's carrier, letting Giles hitch it to the last row of seats. Then they left together. "Yeah, I'm staying until someone gets here. Well, I've got this one disarmed," he said, doing just that. "But I think we should check the rest of the room, ma'am. Please. Thank you. Door's open."

He propped it open, looking at things. When an officer stomped off the elevator he waved a hand. "Hi, Xander Harris, former head watcher in Africa and now head of the house on the Cleveland hellmouth. One of my sons found this under the bed," he said, holding it up. "I've already disarmed it."

"That's fine, sir. Do we know who this room belonged to?"

"Our head guy. Rupert Giles."

"Oh, dear."

"Oh, yeah. Not sure who or why they had the great idea," he said sarcastically. "But if I find them first I'll hand you their begging bodies." He handed the guy in the padding the bomb. "It was under the bed. My son's drawn to shiny things, especially weapons."

"Who're you?"

"Xander Harris. Former head watcher in Africa and now head of the house on the Cleveland hellmouth."

"So you know weapons," the officer decided.

Xander grinned and nodded. "Yes, I kinda do. Thankfully Giles took my kids with him when they evacuated."

"That's sensible." He came in to look. "The diapers?"

"My kids'. They all needed changed." The guy looked at him. "HYDRA made me five." He grinned. "Two are girls and one's five months old. The others are all about two."

"You poor man," another officer said, shuddering. "I have twins and they're horrible."

Xander grinned and nodded. "Yes, they are, but they take well to bribes." The officer laughed, but nodded that was true of his too. A higher officer stomped up. "Hi."

"Aren't you under arrest?"

"For my son finding the bomb in my boss's room and me disarming it?" he asked. "Why would I be under arrest for that?"

The officer blinked. "You disarmed it?"

"I'm the former head watcher in Africa, sir."

"Oh. So you've probably seen a few."

"Quite a few. That one was pretty simple. I found the manual for that one in a former lover's study and looked it over."

"Great." He looked at the things they were finding. "This bit of trash?"

"It was empty before I changed the kids," Xander said. "They're just newly in there. I came out from changing and found Jesse exploring."

"Fine." He looked things over then at his bomb tech, who had found two more. "Timers?"

"Remote," he said.

Xander looked. "That's got a follow switch. So you set off one, it'll set off that one, but the one I disarmed didn't have that."

"How well do you know bombs?" the guy disarming them asked.

"I've dated three arms dealers and I learned a bit from them. I learned a bit from the regional militaries when we had to take down something down there, and I learned a bit online for necessary reasons. I probably have about a third of the knowledge you have."

"That makes sense with your job. Where is the guy renting this room?"

"He took my kids to get the candy they begged him for." He grinned. "They're such begging mooches."

"That's another word for toddler," the officer with twins said. "Mine are four now. Thankfully we survived those years."

Xander grinned. "The slayers consider them mascots mostly."

"I can see why." They checked the other rooms that had watchers checked in. Xander's had one under the bed that would've hit the kids since that one was set up for the kids to sleep on. He was set up to sleep on the other bed. The officers looked at Xander, who was grinning. "I so would've gotten up off the ER table and went hunting," he assured them. "I'd have made a *huge* mess. Hell, I might've stolen another mystical artifact to help me."

"Good to know," the head guy agreed. "We'd probably do the same thing with our families." They finished up and left.

Xander called someone. "Where are my kids?" he asked. "News to share too, Giles. You mean like the only other ones they found was under the kid's bed?" He grinned. "Yeah, you do that. Where are you? Oh, with Misty. That's fine. I'll be there in about twenty if I can find a cab." He walked off, letting the doorman find him a cab quickly. By the time he got there, there were officers there to arrest a few of the watchers. Xander stopped one to stare at him. "If you had actually hurt my kids, I would have destroyed *everyone*. I would've went so far beyond what Rosenburg did, I would've been the new First Evil," he said quietly, staring him down. "You may hate me but if you come after my kids I'll destroy *everything* you hold dear."

"They're unnatural!"

"I know how they came into being. I know why HYDRA wanted to use me as a role model. I'll be damned if you hurt my kids." He stared at him. "Like I said, total destruction will be *pleasant* next to what I'll do to you and yours and then everyone. Got it?" The guy shrank away from him, nodding as he was led off. Xander walked up the front porch stairs, grinning at the young slayer. "Assholes put a bomb on the kids' bed," he told her and her mother. "I'm about to go blow up their fancy castles and all that then start on their lives."

"I've told Willow," Giles said, clearing his throat. "She was most peeved."

Xander laughed. "Good." He hugged his kids, then looked at Giles. "Three in your room, one in mine."

"Well, we knew they didn't like the way things had changed," Giles complained, cleaning his glasses. "Are you all right?"

"Temper's a bit high," he admitted. "But otherwise, we're okay right now."

"Good. It's best to be a bit calmer so you can plot."

Xander gave him a look. "You told me to quit plotting and asking my former dates for ideas."

"Yes I did. You can plot without them."

Xander laughed. "Sure. You know they usually trim my plans back, right?" He grinned at the young slayer. "It's all right. It'll be fine. Buffy's promised to slay any watcher that goes back to that old way of thinking about you girls. She's got a few poker debts who can do that too."

"I've heard about kitten poker," she said.

Xander smiled and nodded. "Some *great* beings in the poker circuit. Mostly very peaceful. Some.... well, I found Dracula's last spawn last week. He wanted to know how Buffy was doing." He shrugged. Giles stared at him. "We were breaking on patrol to find out about a new site where we'd heard that vamps were gathering. He was looking for Spike."

"Do stop now, Xander. Thank you." Xander grinned. "I'll feed your children sugar so you have to miss dinner."

"They're not sugar reactive." He beamed at the mom. "Andrew tried that with cookies. Seven batches of cookies later it just make them calmer."

"I wish it would've on mine," she said. She looked at her daughter, who grinned angelically back at her.

"Has Andrew only been making cookies?" Giles asked. "The girls have complained that dinner has been skimpy."

"Andrew put his foot down about the fifths on meat and no veggies. We've had a few days that have been vegetarian to beat that problem. They haven't needed the meat for injuries. They've been pigging out again. I suggested they also start doing chores and they've complained a lot. I pointed out they were normal girls with a bad calling so they could do normal girl things. The girls in Africa still helped harvest and clean, all those tasks they expect women to do. Plus those on patrol did that too. We've at least let the ones on patrol not have chores those days outside of their own laundry with Andrew's help or cleaning their own rooms."

"I agree, that's a reasonable thing for young women to have to do. Some day they'll be living on their own so they'll need those skills," Giles agreed. "Are they learning how to cook?"

"One of the chores is rotating in and out as kitchen helper." He grinned. "We had a 'fuck that' talk with one of the minis that decided she was too special to help make her own food because she's a slayer. She hated having to go prune the bushes out back." He grinned. "She learned *real* fast that a slayer is just a girl with a calling. Super strength means she can water all the bushes and flowers out back by herself for a week."

Giles smiled and nodded. "She complained and Buffy told her she was spoiled. So did most of the other girls from what Buffy reported."

"I love the bulletin board and website for the girls. It's really handy."

"It has been." He smiled at the young slayer. "You thankfully got to be raised by a mother with sense and compassion."

"Butt, daddy," Arlin whined.

"Sure, I'll change you." He picked him up and the diaper bag. "Bathroom?" She pointed it out to him. "Thanks. C'mon, we'll clean the butt, son." He carried him in there. Joy followed to get her own changing in. "Anyone else?"

"Nira's making that special face," the slayer said.

"I'll get her in a second. The formulas we've tried do not agree with her lower tummy. It's not a milk allergy though." He got the older two cleaned then came out to do Nira's. "Oooh, really bad butt this time." He carefully carried her in there to clean her up before her diaper exploded the holding capacity.

***

Andrew called during the meeting. "What's up, Andrew?" he asked, putting it on speaker. "We're taking a bitching breaking for the moment." Giles scowled at him but he shrugged back.

"There is a social worker here about the kids," Andrew said.

"That's great. I'm surprised it took this long for some of the same assholes that tried to bomb Giles and me earlier to do that," Xander said, leaning back in his chair. "Put her on speaker."

"Mr. Harris, I expected you to be here," a snotty female voice said.

"Yes, but we're holding a Watchers Council meeting in New York so I'm not," he said dryly. "I won't be home for three days. I wasn't aware I had to tell people I didn't know gave a damn about anything in my life that I was going out of town." She huffed. "Frankly, the same ones who called you are probably like the ones that tried to put a bomb under the kids' bed earlier. What can I do for you this evening beyond that?"

"You don't have to be hostile."

"I do because you started off being snotty to me," he said bluntly. "I'm very polite if you're polite to me. As you weren't...." He smirked at his phone. "Beyond that, I'll ask again. Why are you in the slayer house this evening?"

"You've made some statements about how your children came to be."

"Yes I have. Because they tried it a second time, that's why I have *two* daughters instead of one. Thankfully we were able to rescue her and her making-mates when they captured us for a few hours."

"How can we be sure they're yours?" she sneered.

"DNA," he said bluntly. "I had it run through the US embassy when I had to file for their passports and birth certificates." She gasped. "They took my DNA from back before my senior year, before I got some warping to it. The *agents* who I had to come to get all the embryos that the group that told me about the kids helped do the DNA work for the embassy and on all the other born children so they could find appropriate parents for them. The US embassy had it run in their labs just to make sure it was done properly. We had Nira tested when we rescued her." He stared at his phone. "We have full copies of everything, including the judicial paperwork for their passports and birth certificates. HYDRA wasn't really interested in noting their births properly. They didn't even name them in their records. Which we also have full copies of."

"I will be seeing those," she ordered.

"Sure, when you get a court order," Xander said. "Because I can't be sure you're not HYDRA." She gasped and huffed angrily. "Unfortunately that is a concern, especially since the social worker the Council works with usually took copies for DHHR to put into their systems for us. I'd figure if you were *really* a social worker you would've seen those when you looked me up." He stared at the phone. "Is there anything else, miss?"

"Xander, do calm down," Giles ordered.

"No. I'm not going to calm down when there's a threat to my children, Giles. Not when they tried to plant a bomb under their bed earlier and not with this, whoever she is. I fully intend to make sure *nothing* harmful comes near my children, Giles. You know me. You know I'm overprotective. You know I know how to find artillery." He grinned. The woman started to babble.

"Xander, she's going to call the cops," Andrew said.

"Good, they can arrest her for pretending to be a social worker since all that stuff is in their system," Xander shot back. "If it's the three HYDRA agents hiding in the local police, they can bite me."

"Sure, I can tell them that," Andrew said. "They'll get you when you get home."

Xander laughed. "Get me home then. We'll see if she's a real social worker."

"Bad idea," Andrew quipped. "Really bad idea." Nira let out a scream. "Oh, crap. Formula tummy ache?"

"Yeah, apparently." He picked her up. "Hey!" She sniffled. "Thank you. We'll figure it out. We're working on it. Calm down. Fart a bit, you'll feel better." She did fart and belch, ending the tummy ache. "Thanks." He sat down again. "Okay, we're better now. Is she still there, Andrew?"

"No, and two of the officers that showed up looked at the third about the HYDRA accusation. She's ranting a lot at a supervisor of some sort."

"Who is actually a half-demon and the social worker we usually work with," Xander said dryly.

"Good point." He clearly walked off, the background sounds changed. "Guys, Xander just pointed out we work with one of the local supervisors over the slayers who are in the system. Also that he had all that information she demanded put into the DHHR system. So clearly she didn't look at anything before she showed up to sneer at Xander if she is a social worker."

"She has a courthouse badge," one of the officers said faintly. "Not a social worker one, Wells."

"Thanks. Xander's paranoid about the kids. Someone in New York tried to bomb the kids and our head guy earlier at the hotel. He's promised if she's HYDRA he'll show up with weapons. Can you maybe remove her for impersonating a social worker? We'd like Xander to be more calm."

"Can he do that?" another voice demanded.

"Yes, I can," Xander said. "Who do you think gets it for the girls before battles? Or in Africa when I had to defeat two troupes of HYDRA agents I might add."

"Don't remind me. I saw that report. It made me wanna puke, Xander," Andrew complained.

"That was before I got the kids. We only figured out they were HYDRA later," Xander said, getting comfy. Nira sniffled. Xander looked at her. "Want some water?" He helped her sip from the glass next to him. She fussed some and farted again. "I know, the formula does not agree with you. We're trying all sorts of them."

"Why not a wet nurse?" one of the other watchers demanded.

Xander looked at him. "Do I look like some overly-monied douchebag who throws bucks at everyone to prove my worth?" Giles cracked and started to laugh. "Guys like me, we don't do wet nurses. We use formula when there's not a mom to nurse them. Wet nurses is a very ancient practice that you don't find too much anymore in the real world." He looked at her then at him. "We know it's not a milk allergy. She does the same thing with soy milk. We think it's one of the general preservatives but she's too young to feed regular milk."

"Her doctor?" Giles asked.

"Said to try different formulas until one worked," Andrew said. "He said she'd grow out of it too. Frankly I've taken her to a quick care place and they tried to tell me it was a milk allergy. We tested it."

"Goats milk?" that same watcher asked.

"We can't find it in Cleveland," Xander said. "Yeah, when we can find it but I'm about to buy a goat and milk it for her. There's not enough yuppies in Cleveland to get a constant supply. If we were still in Africa it'd be a lot easier. Cleveland also doesn't have too much in the way of the adults who want to be infants so they baby-play. Sometimes you can buy breast milk that way but there's none down there."

"What were they feeding her?" Giles asked.

"A soy formula with vitamin drops and some chemicals added. We ran a test on it and it was to body build muscle and brain mass. I've heard the other two went into withdrawal over that stuff in their formula."

"I've talked to the other parents of those two she was made with," Andrew said. "Those two don't have the same sort of stomach trouble after they came down from it. The formula they went to made her bleed rectally when she got stopped up so we can't use that. Oh, Xander, zoning laws say we can't have a goat. I asked, even citing the baby's stomach problems. We can have chickens but not a goat."

"Damn."

"They consider them livestock but chickens are just useful."

"If we got a few, I wouldn't care," Xander said. "I helped get eggs and make chicken before."

"Some of the girls from the US would be horrified," Giles said. "Or I might agree with the way the girls eat."

"I'd have to find out how to make fresh chickens you have to pluck," Andrew said. "I'm not sure if that would fall under butchering or not."

"You catch them after a long battle catching them and then break their necks," Xander said. "I had to do a few chickens that way in some of the villages in Africa. Pigs are worse. They're faster and smarter than birds."

"We should start a farm," one of the other watchers sneered.

Xander grinned. "It's not a bad idea. Each of the slayers eats more than I do, like five or six times what I do."

"You are looking a bit thin," Giles said.

"Yes, but I have to deal with mooching slayers," Xander quipped back. "The only ones they don't take food from is the kids."

"One of the toddler minis did take one of the bottles in the fridge saying it had to be like milk since we were out," Andrew said. "She wasn't happy with the taste."

"Isn't Nira about old enough to start solids?" Giles asked.

"Yes, but she should still get milk with it," Xander said. "I asked. Baby oatmeal does the same thing to her stomach. We might have to go native with her diet for a bit. Which would really mean I'd have to buy a goat, a cow, or a mare."

"While Ghengis Khan's people did survive on mare's milk, I believe cow or goat would be better for her," Giles said.

"If I could find it." He looked down at the napping baby. "I've got to look for some before we go back and have it shipped."

"There's some native markets a few blocks from you," Andrew said. "A few are online."

"I wonder if we can order goats milk that way," Xander said. "Or native grains."

"We can see," Andrew said.

"Too bad I didn't take that guy up on his offer to buy my slayer as his wife. He offered a few goats and some chickens," Xander quipped.

"That's a horrible custom, Xander," Giles said, staring at him. Xander grinned back. "Andrew, has that situation been solved?"

"Yeah, the local shift supervisor is here. He's yelled at the two HYDRA guys, he's arrested the fake social worker, and he heard about the goat so he's laughing. He said the kids are fine when they get back."

"Thanks," Xander said. "Have a great night."

"You too, and let her sleep."

"She is on my shoulder."

"Even better." He hung up.

"Three days?" Giles asked.

"I'm going to pop in on Candace on the way home."

"That's a good idea. Some of her recent reports haven't been that stunning."

"I don't know why. When we asked she said everything was fine," Xander said.

"She's of Kennedy's thinking," Giles said, giving him a pointed look.

"Ah, that thing. Sure. I've denied Kennedy's request to come to the Cleveland house and sent a nice note that I was in charge of the house and I'd hate to beat her shitty attitude out of her."

"She's gotten better," Giles said.

Xander looked at him. "Not really. I've been on the bulletin board, Giles."

"All right then. We'll talk to Kennedy soon." He made himself that note. Nira woke up screaming in pain. "I can watch the others."

"Thanks." He looked back. "Jesse, I'm taking Nira to a tummy doctor. Be good for Uncle Giles." He nodded, putting his head back down. Xander picked up the diaper bag and his wallet and keys, which the kids had confiscated. "I'll be back by the morning." He carried her off, taking her to the local ER. It was crowded but oh well. The nurse at the check-in desk smiled at him. "For some reason her stomach hates all formulas. No matter what it's made of. We've had her tested and she doesn't have a lactose allergy. Tonight's trial is a sensitive tummy formula. This is her second time of gas pains making her scream."

"Is it colic?"

"Happens a few hours after she eats."

"All right. Does she do it with regular milk?"

"No. Not goat, not regular, not skim, soy, or almond milks, just formulas and baby oatmeals. But she's too young to drink just that."

"We'll get you in, it'll be a while. Do you have insurance?" He pulled out his cards for her. "Thank you." She logged him in and gave her a bracelet. She chose to puke on it. "Oh, dear."

"Yeah, been an hour and a half since she ate," Xander said, cleaning up the mess with the paper towels the nurse gave him. "The docs in Cleveland have not a *clue* what's wrong with her tummy."

"That's fine. We have some great pediatricians up here, sir." He nodded, going to sit in the waiting area. She made a note on the chart about all that.

Xander smiled when they were finally brought back to an exam area. "Her records," he said, handing over his phone. "I keep a copy of all my kids since we have to travel now and then."

"For work?"

"Yeah, I'm the head of the Cleveland slayer house." He grinned. "Formerly the head guy in Africa."

"Oh, that's sweet. Was she over there?"

"No."

"Okay." She checked Nira over, waking her up to fuss about it. "She's sleeping well."

"We know it's not colic. We know it's related to something in every single formula we've tried. We've tried soy, we've tried sensitive, which was tonight's trial, we've tried regular, we've tried lactose free, we've tried everything. She's not got a milk allergy, her doc tested."

"Could she have celiac?" she asked. "I don't know how many formulas have wheat."

"I don't know," Xander admitted. "I know we had one that constipated her up so much she ended up bleeding rectally when the doctor had to give her meds to get it out." The nurse winced. "I have tried even the overseas versions of formulas. She doesn't react to any milk or milk substitute outside formula, and baby cereal. We've tried some baby oatmeal and it did the same thing even though we mixed it with regular milk."

"Then I'd say it's an allergy to some preservative or possibly celiac or a wheat sensitivity. I can get the pediatrician in, Mr. Harris. She's a darling girl."

"She is. She's a great, cuddly thing." He smiled. "She just needs more nutrients. I'm worried about that."

"It's something most parents worry about." She went to brief the doctor. "We have copies of his daughter's medical records. It's listed every single formula he's tried and their country of origin. It was clearly a written list that was scanned in. Her formula tonight was a sensitive stomach one he said."

He came in to look over the records. "You have other kids?"

"Four." He grinned. "All around the same age."

"Oh, you're him. We've seen you on tv."

Xander nodded. "She was made by the same idiots in their second round." He shrugged. "She did okay when she came off the enhanced formula they were giving her but the records we found said she had the same stomach problems. They were giving her that stuff to enhance her in regular milk. I'd buy a goat but the city won't let me."

"I can see why." He took Nira to look over, nodding. "She seems healthy except for her stomach being a bit hard."

"I figure she's probably getting constipated again." He grinned at her when she pouted at him. "You're getting the icky medicine when we get home to make sure you crap tomorrow." He looked at the doctor, shrugging. "She has the same problem with the baby oatmeal we've tried. I'm going to try to get some native grains to boil down and all that."

"That would be good for her anyway." He listened to her stomach. "She is constipated." Xander sighed, finding the medicine in the diaper bag. "She has a prescribed one?"

"Yeah, we got this when the one made her so bad she bled." He gave her a dose, making her fuss. "Sorry!" He shrugged. "It stopped up your belly. You need that clear to crap all day tomorrow. You were clear enough earlier because you nearly overwhelmed a diaper."

The doctor smiled. "Some kids do. Looser?" Xander shook his head. "What did she eat last night?"

"Mushed up mac n'cheese because we were at a diner and they were out of milk." He winced a bit. "She really liked it."

"I'm sure she did. Most kids do." The nurse smiled, tickling Nira to make her smile. Instead she got scowled at. "She's a good girl."

"She tries really hard. I just have no idea how to solve this. It's mostly gas. She'll fart a few times and it'll ease. I don't know how to ease it beforehand though. We've even tried baby gas x drops. Didn't help and she hated those."

"It does sound like you've done most everything we could think of. Can we test her for a wheat allergy?"

"Yes, please. Just...find me something or a reason or an idea. I'm out. She's too young to be on regular milk."

"She is," the doctor agreed. "Once a day is okay. A half-bottle of water now and then but she should mostly be on formula or breast milk."

"Does she have problems with other liquids with preservatives?" the nurse asked. "Have you tried soda?"

"Bottled tea and lemonade at the zoo once. No problem with them, or the hotdog her brother let her suck the end of. She didn't mind the mustard he wanted, but he hated it. Nothing else but formula and baby food. Should I start her on the regular food the bigger kids eat? They'll eat most anything. Except squash or lo mein."

"Do you give them a tiny bit to test first?" the nurse asked.

"No, we have a dinner policy that said 'eat it or the slayers will eat it on you and you'll starve'." Xander smiled. "The slayers are plate thieves. That's why I've lost weight too." The nurse giggled. "Slayers need to eat about five or six thousand calories a day. Even when we give them that much they still mooch. Andrew said one of the toddler minis stole one of her bottles because we were out of milk." The nurse was laughing. The doctor was smiling. Nira was scowling at everyone. "Is there anything we can feed her?"

"Can you go to normal oatmeal?" the nurse asked.

The doctor nodded. "We need to make sure it's without excess sugar and it's the better consistency. I'd use the stuff you have to boil. Is she on vitamins?" Xander pulled those two bottles out to show him. "They're good, strong choices." He considered her. "Let me do the blood test for celiac. Just in case." Xander nodded, letting him draw the blood. Xander gently pushed on her stomach when she started to cry, which moved the lump, made her fart, and then she laid the diaper finally. "That stool softener is very handy."

"Yes it is," Xander agreed. "Because she's still probably blocked up." He changed her and tossed out the old one after the doctor had looked at it.

"We'll figure it out," the nurse said, patting him on the arm. "Just let her rest for a few minutes."

"In here?"

"Yes, stay in here." She left with the doctor. "He seems very nice," she said.

"He does," he agreed, sending the blood off. She made notes in the chart.

***

Xander walked into Giles' room just after dawn the next morning. "She doesn't have celiac or any wheat sensitivity but she is allergic to a preservative. There are no formulas without it." Giles winced but nodded. "So she's on as close to natural milk as we can and mostly solids plus her vitamins."

"Goats milk," he said.

"If and when we can find it. Unpasteurized cow if we can't."

"You can find that?"

"Sometimes. There's a few farms outside the city where we can buy it." Giles nodded. "But we can make her all the oatmeal she wants. Pureed veggies, all that."

"That's fine. At least it's nothing fatal."

"No, but we'll have to watch out for that. It's in some meds according to the baby doc at the ER. He sent a note to her pharmacy at home about that." Giles nodded. "Were they good?"

"Mostly." He pointed at the bed he had tried to sleep in. "I got run out around three when they decided they wanted to cuddle."

Xander looked at his kids then at Giles. "They pushed you out?" he asked with a grin.

"They're bed hogs and I would have rolled over on them."

"They'll let you know if you do. They bite." Giles laughed. "Okay, let me get them back to our room so we can clean up and do the daily shopping. Do we have more meetings?"

"No. Not in the least."

"Then we'll head back once we find some native foods for her. Thank you." He gave him a short hug then went to open his door so he could carry the kids over there.

Giles looked out at the pounding feet noise, going to see what had happened. "Xander?" he called.

Xander looked out of his room, shaking his head. "Gas canister in the toilet tank. Went off when I flushed. I'm going to brutally kill whoever keeps doing this around my kids," he said blandly.

Giles nodded. "I dare say you'll have a lot of help, Xander. Are the children fine?"

"They giggled and made fart noises," one of the officers said.

"They're two," Xander said. A few of the officers smiled. "Please let me know who the idiot is. I have to get them bathed for the day."

"You're braver than I am to be traveling by yourself with five kids," one of them said. They searched the room, finding another canister. That got taken off for fingerprints and testing. The kids clapped and one tried to get the 'shiny boom' but they were firm in him not having it. The officers left, letting the kids cheer for their good work. It was sweet of the kids.

Giles sent a note to the other watchers. A few were amused but only until the police got there to arrest their coworker. Then they got to be horrified at what they found in the guy's room. Including things to draw blood or spinal fluid from infants.

***

Xander drove into the driveway at the Council, stopping the car and getting out, looking at the officer following him. "Problems, Officer?"

"Mr. Harris?"

Xander nodded. "You already knew that though."

"Sir, you threatened a social worker."

"She wasn't a social worker. They checked her ID and she was with the courts, but not a social worker."

The officer stared at him. "Two officers got arrested."

"Yeah, HYDRA guys all need to go away. Far, far away from the slayers. I pointed out that there were three that we knew were HYDRA locally in the PD and their shift supervisor found out I was right about two of the ones that the not-a-social-worker brought with her."

"Oh. I see. Are you with the Council?"

"I'm the head of the local house."

"We were told that new guy was."

"What new guy? Andrew?" he called. Andrew leaned out. "What new guy?"

"One of the old liners is in the library but I checked with Giles. He's not part of this house. He runs the one in Germany."

"Oh, him. Okay." Xander looked at the officer, smiling some. "I'm still the head as of when I heard on Saturday. Otherwise we'd be back in Africa."

The officer nodded. "Why?"

"I was the head watcher in Africa for a few years."

"Oh." He looked in the back then at him. "Five?"

"They made the baby during their last run." He grinned. "There's a whole lot of embryos with my name on them and if HYDRA makes me more, I'm going to ask someone to make them pay me child support since I didn't ask them to make me kids. They're good kids though. I really do like my kids."

"Harris, what are you doing here?" a male voice complained. "Giles sent you somewhere else."

"I saw Giles on Saturday and he didn't say that. I can call if you want." He called Giles. "It's me. You're going on speaker." He did that. "The guy from Germany's here? Said I'm not posted here?"

"No, Xander, you are posted in Cleveland until I come back to take over the lead house," Giles said firmly. "Whoever or whichever that watcher is, he should probably head home."

"You're not Rupert," the man said.

"Oh, Denier. Xander, he is not a watcher. He was fired for mistreating the girls." Denier lunged at Xander but Andrew got him in the back with a crossbow bolt. "Was that you?" he asked at the screaming.

"Andrew. Thanks, 'Drew."

"Welcome. He's threatening my daughter too." He grinned at the officer. "Nira is both of ours. HYDRA really wanted a new head geek."

"That's just weird."

"Yeah, but I'm the best mom they have," Xander said dryly. The officer cracked up, calling in for someone to come gather that idiot. "Is he the only one?"

"Yup," Andrew said. "He also said the girls didn't need that much food tonight. His slayers weren't grossly gluttons as he put it."

"His slayers are probably underweight," Xander said. He looked at the officer. "Also, the NYPD had to remove explosive devices from mine and Giles' rooms at the hotel and then a set of gas canisters from my second room at the hotel."

The officer nodded. "Are they affiliated with HYDRA, sir?"

"No, they hate us for making things work for the girls. It used to be a lot more nasty for the girls, they were treated like slaves who fought. Now they're girls who make decisions about their lives and patrol. They hate that. They've had a price on my head since I was sixteen because I stepped in to help a slayer instead of making her do it on her own."

"That sucks," the officer said. Xander nodded. The officer pulled a gun. "But that's why I'm here. You'll do great in jail, Harris."

Xander grinned. "Hey, puppy!" The dogs ran around the house to bark at him. The officer shot at them but they weren't tangible until they bit him. By the time the ambulance got there for the first guy they were there in time to save the officer's life. Xander handed over the security system's tape to the shift supervisor that showed up.

"We got a call saying the officer was holding a gun on you, Harris."

"Yeah, he wanted the price the former Watchers had on me." He pointed at the watcher being loaded into the ambulance. "I called the dogs from the garden to protect the kids."

The guy looked in the car then at him. "Five?"

"Yeah. Nira got made in the last grouping." He shrugged. "He also noted the fake social worker."

"Great."

"Is he an officer?" Andrew asked.

The guy took a picture to send to someone. "No, he's not. He's a hitman." He smiled. Xander grinned, heading inside with the kids. The officer looked around. "Clean up his mess." They did that and he left, going to tell the mayor. It was nice so many bad guys were being caught by the Council. And the kids were cute too.

***

Xander met with the pediatrician a few weeks later. Nira was in for shots with the older four. "We ended up in the ER in New York." The doctor grimaced. "Here, the notes from up there." He let the doctor see it.

"That's not a bad idea. She's old enough to eat solids." He handed the phone back, looking Nira over. "How is she doing with that?"

"All the oatmeal stuff still gives her gas but not as much. She does like eggs. Andrew's gotten great at making quichey things with ground up veggies. She *loathes* baby food. Hates the texture. If we add something to make it thicker she's okay. If we leave it a bit softly chunky for the stuff we puree she likes it. She hates the slimy pureed stuff though."

"Some kids do," the doctor agreed. "Quiche?"

"It's an egg custard that's not sweetened. Some veggies made down to smoothie levels to add flavor, some really soft stuff like mushrooms and onions cooked down before being put in go well most of the time. She does belch at onions."

"I'd figure most kids would. I see a few children who eat off their parent's plates for their native foods. It doesn't seem to be hurting her. She's gained five pounds since the last time I saw her."

Xander nodded. "We're hoping it's not going to make her gain too much too fast."

"It shouldn't. Is she crawling?"

"Trying to stand but not really crawling. We're debating about a walker since she wanted to look in closets. We figure it'd keep her safer when she does start to wander."

"It can. It can also harm her walking pattern a bit. She's a bit young for that."

Xander put Nira on the floor, looking down at her. She huffed and pulled herself toward the doctor's leg by grabbing it. Then she sat on his foot and pouted. "You can crawl if you want. He said so."

The doctor smiled down at her. "Some children do go right to walking." He picked her up to put her on the bed again. He noticed the pouty look above the rabbit face. "She's fine, Joyceline."

"She needs candy too."

"No, she doesn't," Xander said. "She's too young for candy."

"Fine."

"Thank you." He grinned at the doctor. "She's learned to have her rabbit help her beg," he said quietly.

"I can see that." He smiled, making notes. "Are you on milk with Nira?" Xander nodded. "That's reasonable. Try to keep up with the vitamins."

"We mix it into things for her."

"If you cook it, it might not be as effective."

"We'll try to make it afterward."

"Thank you." He pulled one kid over, noticing what he was holding. "What's that? I don't recognize that animal." It looked a little bit like a pure white tree with a face.

"Oh, that. That's a bone cell. He's got a booboo on his arm, upper, just above the elbow. There's no bruise but anytime he touches it he sniffles." The doctor looked at him. "That way they can tell me how they hurt. We have the kiddy things and a few others. Things like ear aches, tummy aches, that stuff."

"That's very unique," the doctor said but he was smiling. "I can understand that. Where did you get them?"

"Giant microbes." He grinned. "They have all sorts but I didn't think they needed the plague one."

"No, hopefully they'll never need it." He smiled, checking that area. "This area hurts, Jesse?" He nodded, pointing at his other arm. He checked them both, seeing the sniffling. "It looks like he may have cracked it good but it didn't bruise. How long ago did it start?"

"Two days. There's another one." He pointed at Joyceline.

"I'll get to her giant ouchie in a minute." He went back to checking Jesse. "He looks all right. We'll watch that elbow. Have you tried ice or heat?"

"Both and baby tylenol. It's gotten somewhat better."

"I can send him for an x-ray if you think he'll sit still."

"I might," Xander said. "Jesse, can we take pictures of your elbow?"

"Me?" he asked, holding up his bone cell microbe.

"Yeah, to look at that." He pushed down his hair again. "You needed a brush this morning."

"Oops."

Xander smiled. "He can probably sit still as long as he has his pet. Oh, the tiger is a grr at each other when they're annoyed at each other thing," he said quietly, turning away.

"That's good to know." He smiled at Joyceline. "Let's see. I see a large brown thing that looks like a pill with black eyes and tan fringe."

"Tummy," she said.

"Oh, that's a tummy ache? That's really cute. I need one of those here so the kids can point at them." He patted her on the head. "Did you eat something nasty?" She shook her head.

"She woke up with it this morning. I figured it was either the flu or just a kiddy tummy."

"Probably just that. We'll pay attention to it if it doesn't end in a few days." Xander nodded. "Make note of foods if it does continue."

"We are. It could've been the fact that I found her in the fridge with the habanero peppers open. Andrew mentioned them being a lot smaller than he had expected."

The doctor winced. "That could be, yes. How long ago was that?"

"Two days. I figured that might've been why she drank all day yesterday."

"Probably. We'll keep track of it." Xander nodded. "Any other giant microbes?" Xander shook his head. "All right, let's see you, Arlin." He grinned, holding up his tiger.

"He's a good doctor and you know him, Arlin," Xander said. "Let him check you over. The tiger doesn't need to protect you." The tiger got put down and Arlin let Henry steal it while the doctor checked his ears and nose. Then tickled him, making him giggle but swat at him. He grinned back, moving to Henry. Henry would let him do anything he wanted as long as he got to cuddle the tiger.

"That's a very powerful tiger, Henry. It's very nice to protect you."

Henry smiled, patting him back. "I not good boy."

"Why aren't you a good boy?" He pointed.

Xander sighed. "I'll change you in a second. Let's get the appointment over with and then I'll change you guys." They nodded, letting the doctor finish up. When the tray with shots came in, the kids all tried to hide behind Nira. She had to get some first and Xander held her. He held each one of them while they got shots. Even if the tiger did growl at everyone for the shots. Xander shook the doctor's hand and left with the kids, pausing to change them in the bathroom. He had to pull Joyceline from helping someone else in the potty but she was a curious little girl. The guy had laughed at the rabbit peeking under the door at him. "Sorry," Xander said. "She got away from me."

"It happens and she's adorable. She's not peeking."

"We'll have to tell everyone how good you guys did today," Xander said, finishing up the rest of the diaper changing. Then they went to the car to go home. He handed Andrew Nira and carried in the stroller. The kids wandered toward the tv room. "They all had to get shots. Watch their diets. Nira's gained five pounds. Jesse has x-ray orders for his arm just in case. Keep certain little beings from the hot peppers." Andrew smiled into Nira's head as he walked off. "He thinks she's a bit young for a walker."

"She may be. We'll figure it out," Andrew assured him. The kids followed Andrew into the kitchen for a single cookie, earning pouts, but he let them go run in the backyard. They needed to run and play with the younger slayers. Xander sighed in pleasure as he sat down to put his feet up. He sent messages to both Daddy Tonys. That way they kept track of baby things too.

Then the bad sound happened outside so Xander got to be tired later while Andrew guarded the kids.

***

In DC a few hours later Tony DiNozzo wandered in from a scene to his seat, sitting down with a sigh of pleasure. He had been on the go since one the night before. He blinked at the young woman that paused in front of his desk. "I need a nap."

"Your son could use you showing up to play," Abby offered. "You got an email from Xander about baby appointments and then there's a new attack on the house by fanatics."

"Like extremists?"

"Like nazi instead but not HYDRA." She grimaced. "The same sort that picketed them."

"Wow. The kids okay?"

"They're fine. Andrew had a way to hide them when one made it inside. Then Andrew handled it while Xander was handling the others. The local PD was slower than anything I could even compare them to." She stared at him. "But he's fine."

"How bad? Did he have his axe this time?"

"He took a machete off one that tried to kill him."

"Any agents involved?"

"Not that they've said. It's all over the supposed news media. They're saying that they wanted to 'free' the girls. Xander came out to shoo the reporters off for panicking the younger girls and pointed out if guys that like that wanted to do the job for the slayers, they were more than welcome and the Council would gladly train them how to hunt. That actor guy agreed when someone asked him, the Council would help a hunter train like they had him." She grinned. "The supposed news people got huffy about that because it meant the girls weren't doing their ordained jobs. Xander looked at one and told her to make up her mind. Also that the girls had a choice about going on to patrol status or something else. Not everyone really did good under battle conditions and they weren't going to throw them into one to watch them die from it. He went off on her so much she was too horrified to be nasty or stupid."

"Good on him," Tony said. "Any other responses?"

"Agents have popped up to agree with Xander and pointed out that any other attacks on the slayers would result in a lot of arrests. The FBI actually ended up taking over the attackers this time. One of the reporters tried to say something to a baby slayer, who burst out crying and ran inside. Xander nicely used a hyped nerf gun to hit that guy in the head with a bean bag that knocked him back then went out to go off on him. Then he asked the hellhounds on the grounds to make sure no one crossed the boundaries that shouldn't be there. That one got sniffed and pissed himself on air." She grinned.

"Good. If I had a way to go, I'd go tomorrow."

"We'll see," the director said as she came down the stairs behind him. "Can they handle the slayers by themselves? There's only two adults in the house."

Tony looked at her. "They have so far. We're not sure of how things will work during the next major event."

"We don't have an office in Cleveland," she said, staring at him.

"I have friends in that FBI office, Director."

"Good. Is your son safe?"

"Usually."

"They had to get baby shots today," Abby said.

"That's fine," the director agreed, staring at Tony. "You do have vacation hours you could use to go visit or even take partial custody of your son and any others you care to spoil."

Tony grinned. "I don't mind being stepdaddy to the others. Two of them don't have other parents any longer."

"I've heard." She stared at him. "There's rumors going around that SHIELD wants to look at their bloodwork."

"I suggest those former SHIELD people take a flying leap," Tony warned. "Forever and ever. If Xander doesn't get them for it, I certainly will."

She smirked at him, walking off. "Good. You should go watch them."

"I'll be up there by tomorrow at breakfast," Tony said, gathering things. He looked at Abby.

"I'll make you a flight reservation," she said, going to do that while he traveled to the airport.

***

DiNozzo walked into the slayer house, nodding at the quietly humming Andrew. "Xander up?"

"Sleeping in. The agents that broke in at two nearly got killed." He stared at him.

"Some people who used to be SHIELD wanted to look at the kids' bloodwork."

"Like fucking hell," Andrew said. "I'll destroy the earth first."

Tony grinned. "I'm here to help babysit."

"Great. Please go change Nira for me? She probably needs one."

"I can do that." He went upstairs to help with the kids. Including the baby slayer that needed a desperate change. "There you go, sweetness." He changed Nira's dirty, wet diaper before going to check on the other four kids. They were sleeping like little angels, which they'd be until they got up. Tony went to knock gently on Xander's door in case he was still asleep. Xander grunted when he opened the door. "SHIELD wanted to get hold of the kids' bloodwork."

"Tell the other Daddy Tony," he grunted. "He knows them."

Tony grinned. "That'll help. I'm in to help guard the girls and be a stepdaddy."

"Works for me. Let me finish sleeping?"

"Go ahead. They're all asleep." Xander grinned, climbing back into bed. Tony closed the door, going back downstairs. He walked behind Andrew to get some coffee. "Don't hack in front of me please. I need deniability."

Andrew grinned at him. "I'm not. I'm debating calling the other Daddy."

"Go for it. I have information from Abby." He sipped his coffee, nodding when someone answered. "I'm Special Agent DiNozzo from NCIS, Arlin's daddy."

"Is there a problem?" the redhead asked. "I can get Tony from the lab."

"Yes," Andrew said. "Tony came up to help us watch the kids and share news."

Tony nodded. "SHIELD wanted the baby's blood work."

"What?" she demanded. Tony nodded, sipping his coffee again. "We're sure?"

"I have information that our Abby hacked for him."

"JARVIS, get Stark up here," she ordered.

A minute later, Tony Stark stomped into view. "What's up, Natasha? DiNozzo, problems?"

He plugged the key drive into the computer Andrew was using. "Send that somehow?" Andrew did that. "Abby hacked that for me after my director told me that SHIELD wanted some bloodwork from the kids."

"I'll destroy the remains that're still floating around," Stark growled. He downloaded the information to look over. "That's that secondary idiot group. I've had enough of them." He looked up. "Are you helping Xander protect the kids?" Tony nodded, grinning before draining his coffee. "I'll be there tonight."

"Do what you gotta do, Stark," Andrew said. "I'm about to destroy them all for trying to hurt my kid. Everyone always thinks I'm the nice guy." He hung up and grinned at Tony. "If you want deniability, I'd go watch the girls."

"I can do that. Need help with breakfast, Andrew?"

Andrew smiled. "I've got it handled, Tony. But thanks. It's nice to get some good support. It's really rare around here." Tony smiled, walking off. Andrew got back into the special stuff on his computer. "They never remember I was a villain," he said quietly. "I'll be a nice overlord until my daughter can take over safely."

***

"To quote the last guy who tried to fuck with me, mother fucker," Tony said as someone walked into their office. Tony was seated behind the desk with his feet up on an open drawer. "I don't care which version of supposed SHIELD this is, but if you touch my kid I will destroy your asses to the molecular level, Coulson."

"I have no desire to come near your child, Stark." He stared at him. Tony flopped down folders. "Where did you get those?"

"From your geeks. From the other geeks in the other supposed SHIELD." He dropped that file on the desk then stood up. "I will make sure that anything Andrew can do will happen. He may have been a part-time villain before but I went there before he did and I can make him my mini me." He stared the 'director' down. "I'll kill you *all* if you come near those kids. Period. Not just mine but *all* of them. You won't make them into Natasha lite. You won't be doing any *testing* on them. You're not going to turn them into whatever they did to Barnes." He walked around the desk. "Unless you want to run ashes, I'd stop them." He walked off. Behind him, things went off, shutting down all the computers and electronics.

Coulson picked up the folders to look over. "Damn it," he muttered. He headed for the labs, slamming the folders down. "How dare you treat children as an experiment!" They all flinched away from him. "I'll help Stark destroy the rest of us if you do this, people. This is not what SHIELD does and we are not HYDRA."

"They did something to those kids," one of the geeks said.

Leo Fitz looked at her then slugged her, knocking her into a wall. "I looked at one of the embryos that was due to be disposed of. They did nothing, they were going to do it after they were born." She held her jaw, glaring at him. He looked at Coulson. "Just us?"

"No." He handed over the folders.

Leo looked at it, nodding. "I can destroy them if we had our computers back."

"Stark found out."

"I'm happy he was that nice to us," Leo said dryly. "He could've blown us all up." He walked off. "Let me handle this, Coulson. Put guards on the children since it says HYDRA tried to get them back the other day."

"I've already got an agent going to do that. Let me know, Leo."

"Gladly. This isn't science." He went to talk to a few other people. "Skye, I need your help." She looked at him, then took the folders. "The computers are down thanks to Stark finding out we wanted to experiment on his daughter."

"No. They'd come after me too," she said, moving to pull out her laptop. It had been off so it wasn't affected. "I can see the others trying."

"Stop them. They're traitors and trying to turn children into experiments." She nodded, getting into that. He helped her with it. This was not going to happen while he was in charge.

***

Andrew looked at the lawyer he had summoned later that afternoon. "You will not charge me a single bit of my soul, or that of the children or slayers, for this lawsuit."

"That's not really how we work, Mr. Wells."

"You won't because if you try I'll go to the chaos mage that I originally wanted."

"He thought this might be beyond his experience."

Andrew smiled. "Well, I am about to cause a lot of chaos."

"I'll have him as my second. Why shouldn't I charge you?"

Andrew laid out three thick folders. "This is the list of all the people that are in HYDRA's files as agents or people involved." He pushed over the second. "This is the list of those who were involved in the making of multiple children, including some embryos." The lawyer moaned. Andrew smiled, pushing over the third. "This is the list of HYDRA agents who are still employed in three different governments, including this one. We are suing them for child support and upkeep."

The lawyer blinked a few times. "They could use it to demand visitation."

"Only if they're a parent. They didn't use too many of their own people to make the embryos and none of the children we know got born from this experiment are from their people. Though we do want to know who has custody of the embryos as they tried a second round and that's why I have a daughter with Xander Harris."

The lawyer licked his lips, considering it. "The White Knight?"

"Yes." Andrew smiled. "They *adored* his blood, which was pre-senior year because they didn't have to take out the mermaid taint he has. He had four from the first batch of ten. We have agents from other agencies that aren't even HYDRA trying to get hold of the kids to experiment on as well. I'd like you to fix that." Andrew leaned closer. "Do you really think my soul is worth that sort of case?"

"No," he moaned. "Oh, this is going to be huge. How many children?"

"Ten in the first batch, three with the second that we found, through the demons showing up to help Xander and his four get free of them." The lawyer let out a sexual sounding moan. "People found the first set because they thought they were a people seller they were stopping. Then they found the files and called Xander. He called an FBI contact, who is now nowhere to be found. Or her boss."

The lawyer nodded, licking his lips. "I'll not charge you a single bit of soul for you, your family, or any other parents and children who want to join in."

"Excellent." Andrew smiled. "What else do you need from me or Xander?"

"Is he joining?" Andrew handed over a signed sheet stating he was going to be suing those sort for making him a father without his permission. The lawyer smiled and nodded, drawing up the contract there. Andrew made sure it didn't have any payment from soul bits for anyone then handed over copies of things that Xander had on his own kids and about the other kids that Stark had. The lawyer looked it over. In Stark's files it listed the embryos with their known parents. The lawyer nearly cried. Andrew smiled. "It's this or I have to prove what pussies they are by taking over humanity. That might look bad on the slayers though." He grinned. "I try so hard to be a good boy."

"I've heard of your former trio, Mr. Wells."

"Warren would've lost his mind even more than he slipped it. Jonho would've been so stoked for me having a geek baby though."

The lawyer nodded. "I'll gladly start this by filing the first paperwork first thing in the morning. The higher ups would like to know."

Andrew shrugged. "The more power it takes, the more open it is, the more chaos is drawn out, and the more HYDRA is solved so they can't come after the slayers. If they had just left us alone...." He shrugged again. "Xander's livid. He's not even sleeping."

"I'll gladly start filing the paperwork tonight, Mr. Wells. Thank you for letting Wolfram and Hart handle this mess for you."

"You're welcome. Remember, we need *good* support for them. The slayers like to teach them about clothes. Two of them *are* girls." The lawyer nodded, hurrying off with the files to see the senior partners. One of them liked HYDRA but he'd like this chaos more. Andrew went home to deal with the kids coming home from school, but Xander had handled it and was working on dinner. "You can cook?"

"Who do you think cooked when I was in the middle of nowhere with just a fire, Andrew?" He grinned at him. "Did they like it?"

"A lot. He nearly got off on the table." They high-fived and got down to fixing vegetable lasagna. It was good for the girls and filling, plus easy to moosh up for the babies.

***

In London a week later, Buffy rushed into the office, turning on the tv in there and changing the channel. The news people were going on and on about people suing the government over HYDRA and their children. Giles watched, slowly reaching for the phone. Then they had Andrew giving a statement to the leachy reporters that hung around the Council house. Giles put down the handset, shaking his head. Buffy looked at Giles. "I think Xander went evil."

"I think Andrew started it," he corrected. "Xander's not been sleeping according to a few of the girls. They're a bit worried how he'll snap on a bad thing."

Buffy sniffled. "We can't let them teach the girls to be evil, Giles."

"Send Faith back," he said quietly. "She can help and if there's an assault or something she's more used to bad things." Buffy nodded, texting Faith's phone. "Perhaps we should consider moving the girls off the main campus. Xander had the idea of us starting a farm for the house's usage. That way they got enough food cheaply enough for them to be of use. The tiny ones could live there with a few guardians who were doing parental duty."

"As long as they couldn't treat them like they were before," Buffy said. "I'd never allow that."

"Me either." Giles smiled. "We'll figure it out."

She nodded. "Thank you for calming me down, Giles." She went to talk to the other girls. They could help Andrew from a distance.

***

Faith walked into the slayer house that night, dropping her bag on a chair. "I got sent to help," she called.

Andrew walked out to hug her. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Be less gropey. I just flew back from Germany."

Xander came down the stairs. "You need to rest. We've already done patrol tonight and Sarah's out on a club hunt." Faith grinned. "You might lock the doors unless you want to be studied by stuffed animals."

"Yeah, I can do that. Kids are creepy, even normal ones." She noticed a stuffed wolf, pointing at it. "I can see that they're very curious stuffed animals." She walked halfway up the stairs, staring at the little boy with a grin. "I'm Faith. I'm a senior slayer. What's your name?"

"Arlin," he said with a grin. "You mean?"

"No, I'm not mean to good boys and girls."

"You cookies?"

"I love cookies but I can't make 'em."

"You cuddle? Stories?"

"When I'm not doing stuff maybe."

Arlin grinned. "Good girl you." He barked, holding up his wolf. She patted it on the head then him. He giggled, running up the stairs.

"Let me put them back in bed," Xander sighed, walking around her to go up to the kids' room. "The tiger, rabbit, wolf, and sheep all need to be in bed please." The kids giggled, running back to bed. He tucked them back in, staying up there to read another story. Tony came in to help, letting Xander go do household paperwork instead. It was really nice of him.

Faith grinned at Andrew. "I heard they had your evil plan birthed?"

"Nira. She's a good girl but can't have formula and a few other things with a certain preservative. It makes her stomach back up and her gassy."

"I've seen that happen to other kids. Let me crash."

"Sure. We'll go over patrol stuff tomorrow," Andrew promised. She smiled, going up to take back up her room. She was barely asleep when she was woken up by the feeling of staring. She looked at the stuffed rabbit staring at her from the edge of the bed, rolling toward it to look at the kid. "I'm not really cuddly but why are you in here?"

She grinned. "Candy?"

"If I had candy, I'd eat it, kiddo. Slayers all like sweets and we don't usually share them." She patted her on the head. "Go climb in with daddy." She ran off with a laugh, going to do that. Faith got up to lock her door again, plus push in the door stop from the backside so it couldn't be opened by magic. She had forgotten that two of the kids had magic. Toddlers with magic might even be worse than Rosenburg.

***

Faith watched the kids run rings around the adults the next morning until Xander came in, then they settled down. Joy was still being cutesy but Xander put up with it. Andrew huffed some but the kids all hugged him for breakfast, which prompted the slayers to do that. It made Andrew happy. The kids headed off for school, and the little ones got Xander in the gym for a bit. Including his. They were good kids and he didn't slack on Joy's training with the boys. She got just as much hell as everyone else did. Faith grinned at Xander for that. "Good job making sure she's normal."

"She is normal. Even if her other daddy is a genius, so far she's just a girl."

Faith nodded. "That's good for her." She punched him on the arm, and promptly got kicked by Jesse and Arlin. "Hey!" She glared. "I can hit him on the arm."

"Not hit daddy," Jesse warned. "We be mean." Henry held up his tiger and went 'Grrr' at her.

"She's allowed, guys. Relax," Xander ordered. He grinned at her. "They're a bit protective."

"Which can be nice. Maybe it'll mean you date better assholes." She strolled off. "Andrew, what'm I doing today?"

"Patrol means no chores," he said with a smile. "But a few of the minis need new clothes. Sarah's been too busy."

"I can handle that. Even if I can't shop like B can, I can handle kiddy clothes." Andrew handed over a list, car keys, and the house's shopping card. She gathered the minis and went to the stores on the list. The kids had fun. Even if a few adults glared the kids had fun picking out shirts, especially if they thought Arlin would think it was cute.

***

Xander stepped into the courtroom, dodging the attempt to hit him on the head. He looked at that person, who was now restrained. "I'm sorry, I may be blind on that side, but I'm still living on battle nerves," he said quietly. He walked up to take his place, nodding at the lawyer. "You summoned?"

"The judge wanted to talk to you about your part in this lawsuit," he said. "Be succinct, be honest, be firm," he hissed.

"That's fine," Xander agreed. He looked at the judge, who was staring at him. "Yes, Your Honor."

"You're Alexander Harris?"

"I am."

"Can you prove that with ID?"

Xander pulled his old Sunnydale ID out to hand to the bailiff. "I unfortunately left my present ID in the car. It's locked in the trunk."

"I don't know why you would do that."

"It was in the diaper bag," Xander admitted. "Which is locked in the trunk."

"Oh." He looked at it then at him. "This was before whatever injury happened?" Xander nodded, taking off the patch but keeping that eyelid closed. "I can tell it is you. The patch changes your look." He handed it back. "Are you sure it's in the car?" Xander handed over his wallet. The judge looked then nodded, handing it back. "Mr. Harris, how did you find out about your children?"

"A regional militia found what they thought was a group of people sellers. They went to take them out so they couldn't work in their territory. They found the files and one knew how to contact me for major demon emergencies so called when he found my name on four of the ten files."

"You have four children?"

"I have five children, Your Honor. HYDRA had a second attempt at making future agents. They activated and had born a child between myself and Andrew Wells."

The judge blinked. "You're both male."

"From what has been explained to me, it's a simple nucleus switch. I don't pretend to know science, sir."

"All right. Can you prove they're yours?"

"We did DNA tests. Was that not in the files? If not, I can have someone send them to me. I have the originals at home. The US embassy in Tanzania ran the tests for me. The lab was found in Zambia but there was a watcher there that I could shelter with safely for a few days while I worked on things and the Zambian government wanted to deny they existed. Though they did not hinder the FBI coming in to gather the kids that weren't mine or the embryos they didn't want to deal with it."

"Were they implicated in HYDRA?" the judge asked.

"No. They were hiding that one of their higher ups was in control of a demon."

"Oh," the judge said. "Is he still being controlled?"

"No, the attack in Lithuania a few months back had that demon dying. So he's technically free and can fight for full freedom."

"That's good." The judge looked over the files. "Here's your file on the children." He looked up. "Did you have a lot of problems getting them papers?"

"I had to go over three different people's heads because they refused to understand that we didn't have birth certificates since they were born in a lab. Finally the counsel there suggested we do the DNA tests that the FBI was going to run anyway. He had them done in a US accredited lab down there. That led to paperwork and by then, a higher up was aware and took the files from the lab to make the birth certificates after I chose their names."

"They didn't have names?" the judge asked.

"They had numbers, Your Honor."

"Oh, dear."

"HYDRA didn't really seem to care what happened to those kids but they're mine and I do."

"I can agree with that," the judge said. "I've got statements saying you've threatened people?"

Xander smiled. "I'm a tad bit overprotective over the slayers and my children, Your Honor. Especially after we've pulled bombs out of my hotel room thanks to some of my former coworkers." He handed the bailiff the paperwork he had gotten from the NYPD, still sealed in an envelope. "We've also had attacks on the house not only by HYDRA, but also by zealots. We've had one of my former coworkers call a supposed social worker, who was not one, and she brought HYDRA'd officers to back her up. I can only assume why since her car had things to draw blood and spinal fluid." He handed that file over as well.

The judge looked those over. "The detective included a note saying he didn't know why you needed that but if it helped he was all for them being fired." He read that over, frowning. "This other room that was used?"

"Rupert Giles, the head of the Watchers Council, Your Honor," Xander said. "We were having a senior watcher meeting."

"Hmm." He looked the other things over. "What if someone there wanted visitation or challenged your custody?"

"I'd like to see them try," Xander said dryly. "Especially since they're not biologically related to them." The judge nodded that was true. "All I know is that I had not donated any sperm at that time, I was too young. I was seventeen when my DNA got tainted and the samples they used were from before then. That means they were using underage sperm. From where I'm not sure, or how."

"Girlfriend perhaps?"

"No. Before then I'd only had one lover and I didn't use a condom, and they didn't get to her the single night we had a few fun minutes together. My later one we stopped at groping in closets. I never donated and as far as I know I wasn't ever knocked out that way. But the DNA does date to before my DNA warping event in my senior year when I was seventeen."

"You can tell?"

"They'd have to warp my DNA for it to have worked, Your Honor. Someone looked at that issue for me and said that there was no way they took the time to unwarp my current DNA to make the children, it had to be from before then. If not, at least one of the children would've come out with scales."

"Why are you warped that way?" the judge asked.

"In my senior year there was a slight epidemic of people turning black, slimy, and eating other students. I joined the swim team to find out why. It turned out the swim coach *really* wanted to win and exposed us all to mermaid taint via the sauna we used after practice. I had a full blood transfusion to keep myself from changing but I show about three chromosomes difference thanks to that. According to the scientist that looked at my present DNA there's no way that they could have made it normal enough for conception to happen with a fully human woman's egg cell."

The judge grimaced. "That's weird."

"Weird was getting possessed," Xander said with a grin. "The remains of the swim team are still somewhere in the pacific ocean." The judge shuddered. "Sorry but it is known."

"Wonderful. Why did they use you?"

"I have no idea," Xander admitted. "I'm still wondering why a tenth of all the embryos are partially mine." The judge shook his head quickly, making that note. "If we could find the stupid doctors who used me against my will, I'd ask them that while I'm dangling them off a very high building."

"We could arrest them," the judge said.

"Two of them were working in other countries for their own labs, Your Honor. I pointed out one in Oman before a meeting over there. That country jailed him and put him to work in their labs breeding better soldiers the natural way."

"Is that really common?"

"Everyone wants a super soldier," Xander said bluntly. "It's like the cold war and nuclear arms race rolled into a single unit of soldiers who're so good they're nearly invisible and capable of taking over a country if they must. Russia started it back before World War I and when others found out they tried their own. They got shut down then breeding got into it. I'm not sure if they were all prompted by HYDRA's early attempts or not."

"Charming," the judge said, making that note. "Is that written down anywhere in a history?"

"There is one that I know of, it's a history dissertation, and it's in French if I remember right. I found a poorly translated copy and asked Willow to find me a better one. She ebooked it and translated it via the internet. It's at home if you'd like to see it."

"No, that's fine." He made that note as well. "Who raises your children?"

"I do with some help from Andrew. We share Nira so we both help with her, plus the other minis in the house that are tiny. I pay a few slayers now and then for babysitting when I need to be on patrol but Andrew doesn't feel like watching them. The ones that still have fathers I've offered visitation. Both of them have taken me up on it."

"The two that don't?" the judge asked.

"Both had been prior military but had ended up selling arms. One died thanks to his minions being mad he had an heir. The other one died when a military took out their compound for daring to deny the military's right to be assholes to a local community. Paulo's people were protecting part of a village from the military, just normal people who were being harassed."

"I hear that happens in Africa."

"Sometimes," Xander agreed. "I ran into it a few times too."

The judge nodded. "What if you had to go back there?"

"I spent their first four months over there with the quad, Your Honor. We know how to travel and all that. We traveled to the younger slayers in training to work on their training for a few weeks at a time. I only had one incident where I needed a sitter and the slayer's mother helped us."

The judge sighed. "That's reasonable I suppose." He looked at him. "Are you on state support?"

"No."

"You have insurance?"

"Yes."

"Why should these ones support you then?"

"I didn't ask for my children to come into being. Frankly, that's kinda like rape. They took my seed without my consent and made me five kids, Your Honor. How many more are they going to make that I'll end up raising so they're not treated as experiments?" The judge grimaced. "We've already had to deal with them and others who decided the children are expendable projects to torture and rip apart. I'll be damned but I'm not going to shoulder this burden they cast on me alone."

"You could give them up."

"I could also go hire a hacker to stop them." He smiled. "I'm not going to give up my kids, Your Honor. Now that I know they're around, they're mine. They should not have been made, but the same people are doing it for the US government, the Finnish government, and the French government. How many more kids am I going to have to go rescue?"

"That's a consideration." The judge tapped his pencil on the table in front of him. "I'm not sure if they should be liable for having made the children."

"It was unconsensual sex in a way, Your Honor," the lawyer said. "They basically had to rape him to get his seed, apparently a few times with as many embryos they have in hiding, and then made someone bear his child. They tampered with the children's conception as well, making them of two fathers."

"All true," the judge agreed. "They should be liable for their creation."

"Yes but they want to treat them like lab rats," Xander said. "The only way to protect the children is to make sure they can't do it any more and if something happens thanks to this, like my kids being shot, I have the means to protect them," Xander said. "Also, I may do an important job but it's by no means well paid. I make about nine hundred a month for a full time, all hours, job that can get me killed at any given point in time. I have a job that makes me go into battles with a sword without backup of the military to save every ungrateful ass in this country and world, yet they hate us for it, send us hate mail, bombs, and try to invade the house. My life would be easier if I did not have five children to protect at the same time so hiring them a nanny or someone would be safer for them. I can't do that on my salary and they should pay to upkeep the ones they brought into my life since they wanted me to be a daddy so badly."

The judge grimaced. "Not very erudite, Mr. Harris."

"Your Honor, the Sunnydale school system was so poor I have no idea what that word means," Xander said dryly. "We found out later that it was basically a seventh or eighth grade education in high school. I'm really lucky I found I love doing construction stuff."

The judge sighed. "It means well spoken, Mr. Harris."

"I try but I'm not the guy to make speeches. I inspire others by jumping into battles with a sword."

"I'm sure you do." He looked at the information he had. "You make less than minimum wage?"

"I don't have set hours. I'm always on call."

"I can tell that." He considered it. "All right, I'll leave you as part of this suit. Are the children normal?"

"As far as anyone can tell," Xander said. "You might want to ask the agencies that were hounding their pediatrician for their records." He handed over that file from his pocket with a grin. "He complained and said he might have to drop them because it could endanger his other patients or him."

The judge sighed. "We have multiple agencies trying that."

Xander nodded. "Which means they might take some of the embryos that got lost when SHIELD fell, which means that HYDRA probably has them again, and will make me more kids. Which I would expect them to pay to feed, clothe, and treat injuries for since it was their decision to make me more."

"They could use other parent's samples," the judge said.

"Your Honor, the vials aren't marked with names. They're marked with numbers," Xander said. "The files on which one is which was eaten when SHIELD fell. Stark found a mostly complete list with only about three percent listed as unknown. If my sperm helps make up ten percent of those embryos, I'm pretty sure they'll be making me at least one more kid by accident."

"I can see how that would probably happen," the judge agreed. "May we meet with the children?"

"Sure. Do you want to come to the slayer house?"

"I'd rather it be a neutral location."

"We're going to the zoo tomorrow, I've already promised the kids and they've been chanting all day for it. They'll hopefully be exhausted afterward but we can show up the next day as far as I'm aware."

"I can figure that out tonight. The zoo sounds pleasant." Xander grinned and nodded. "How did you figure out custody?"

"I found them and I told the other fathers they could ask for visitation, and I'd be liberal with it, all they had to do is ask, but I was keeping majority custody. Their other fathers are in dangerous jobs as well, outside Agent DiNozzo, but I'm told he's never home thanks to work."

"So they didn't argue?"

"No."

"Interesting. Do you have formal paperwork?"

"Yes," Xander said. "At home in the safe. Including papers that send them to their fathers if I should die with Andrew getting the other two or them going to Stark. He's already agreed."

The judge nodded. "That's a good idea."

"I did that before I met the other fathers, Your Honor. I know what I do is dangerous. That's why I'm missing an eye."

The judge nodded. "I can see that point. The list we have of HYDRA related people still employed, is it complete?"

Xander shrugged. "Someone got that list for me. It's possible they have some hidden people in places as an insurance policy. I would."

"Did you know the president was one?" the judge asked.

"Yes, I saw him in one of the visions I had about the incident that brought down SHIELD," Xander said honestly. "I had four visions that showed how it was going to happen and about the threat to the slayers at that time. It was them worrying about this coming out that led to a different lab being exposed and then led to SHIELD panicking and finding them."

"You have visions?"

"Of apocalypse battles, yes."

"Are they accurate?"

"Unfortunately a bit too accurate," Xander said. "I'm able to prevent some things but not all of them. Including seeing how many slayers fell during a battle."

"How did you weather the fall of SHIELD and HYDRA?"

"I found a mystical artifact they had gathered from SHIELD and used it to lay protections around the slayers and myself while I was an external link. It was an Asgardian weapon."

"Oh." He blinked at him. "Is that wise?"

"It wasn't but it was the only way the slayers wouldn't be attacked as well." He shrugged. "I had to play the hand dealt to me."

"I can see that. Were they in danger?"

"No. The few people that tried to take me out happened mostly during nap times. One ran off because I had the kids." He smiled. "A few agents ran off because I had the kids."

"What sort of artifact did you have?"

"I gathered four staffs. One was an Asgardian warrior's staff that encouraged a lot of anger in the holder. It was very useful. The main mystical artifact was the staff that Loki was holding when he invaded Manhattan. It laid the protections and let me use it because the chaos needed a channel at that time. It went home to Asgard thanks to Lord Thor."

"The staff he used to open that portal?" the judge demanded. Xander nodded. "Wasn't that dangerous for others?"

"No. Power is only dangerous in how you use it. Like other magic, it can be used to help or to hurt. In this case, it needed to channel the chaos energy anyway before it created an uncontrollable explosion of it in London. I'm sure we'd all like England to not be a tiny collection of islands."

"Yes, I do like it in its current configuration. It could have?" Xander nodded. "How?"

"The energy from all that was building up even before all that happened. London has a natural energy sink under it the same way Manhattan does, Your Honor. It was drawing all the chaos energy from all that. The staff channeled that into protections around where the slayers were hiding and around the more delicate things in London, like a children's hospital. It had been created by an older, more powerful source that wasn't Loki. I asked the power in it to help me and it agreed. Powerful artifacts like that aren't really sentient but they have enough power to enable some personality."

"So it actually saved more than the slayers." Xander nodded with a smile. "How did you use it?"

"It has a built-in power source," Xander said.

"Oh. All right. I know almost nothing about mystical artifacts so I'll leave that there. How did HYDRA have it?"

"SHIELD confiscated it after the battle," Xander said. "I'm guessing since half of SHIELD was HYDRA, they just took it with them."

"Probably," the judge decided. He made that note as well. "All right, I'm going to let this lawsuit continue. I have been asked by the other side to issue a gag order."

Xander looked at his lawyer, who shrugged but looked at the judge. "We're not fond of that idea, Your Honor, as it means they can try a third batch of children. I think we'd all like to avoid that situation."

"I will be putting up an order that they are not to activate any embryos. I don't think we need to add more children to this volatile situation." He looked at Xander. "I would like a copy of their medical records." He handed the bailiff a paper.

"They'll probably steal it from you," Xander noted as he took it.

"Better me than your doctor or them," the judge said.

"Point." He signed it then handed it back. "I wanted to make sure I had the permission to use whatever force I deem necessary to save my children, short of ending the world."

"I really do wish you'd let agents or someone handle it but I know you worry about them being tainted as well." Xander nodded. "If you must, you must." Xander tipped his head down. "Is it a present concern?"

Xander turned on his phone. "No, Andrew had the ones that tried to grab the kids while they were grocery shopping eaten by a friendly demon contact." He turned his phone back off after sending back a 'thank you' message. "Apparently some female doctor, in a lab coat, came up to them in the grocery store."

The judge considered it. "I would rather they go to jail instead of being killed. If at all possible please." Xander nodded. "The ones that you find may know where the other embryos are after all." Xander nodded again. "All right, dismissed for the day. I'll see regular motions for the next week." The lawyer handed over a stack of his. "All of yours?"

"I have three more being drafted by my law clerks, Your Honor."

"Wonderful." He looked through them, nodding at them. "We'll have a hearing on all motions in a week but I don't see many issues with these. Have a nice day, gentlemen." They left. Someone tried to run up and stun Xander until he hit her, knocking her down the stairs. The judge was told and nodded that it was expected. Some people were idiots. If the young man was tough enough to have picked up something like Loki's staff, he was more than strong enough to use it on the idiots who tried to hurt his children.

***

Tony Stark found someone wanting to talk to him lying in lurk when he went out for a lunch date with Pepper. He stared at the person then shook his head. "I don't care who did what. I don't work for SHIELD in any of its formats."

Skye smiled, holding up the DVD she had. "Including that they're trying to make you a son?"

Tony snatched it. "When?"

"Just barely started. The lab's in Rome."

"They'd hate that," he said with a smirk. "Can it be moved?"

"No. It has to stay stable and powered or the machine will miscarry."

Tony nodded. "Thanks, Skye."

"Welcome. Coulson's still livid that they're trying this."

Stark grinned. "He should be worried about what Wells will do. The only difference between Wells and someone like VonDoom is he had a country to screw up when he decided to stay evil." He strolled off, putting the DVD into his jacket pocket. Rome was a pretty city. He'd love to invade there and blow up their lab. He didn't need *two* kids. One was more than enough. He smiled as he sat down across from Pepper. "I've been told there's a lab in Rome making me a son, Pepper."

She smiled. "Don't destroy the historic things, Tony."

"I'd never disappoint you that way."

She grinned. "Good. Have fun later." He nodded with a smirk.

***

Tony got back to the tower and ran the information. He found the lab there. It was still there. It wasn't heavily guarded so probably a trap laid for the new SHIELD people. Then there's another lab a bit further away that was heavily guarded. It had high power usage. It had a much larger footprint. It was under a plaza with an old statue that was considered nearly holy. Well, Pepper might not miss *one* statue. He called Steve in, showing him all that they had found.

Steve stared. "Are they trying again?"

Tony nodded with a smirk. "I'll have a son to match my daughter."

Steve nodded. "Let's not do that?"

"Not my choice. All Pepper said was not to destroy anything historic."

"We can do that. Find any others in case they call in for help." Tony got to work on that. "Is that definitely them?"

"Could be drug smugglers," Tony admitted.

"No, we'll check. If not, it's a favor to the Italian government." He walked off. "Wheels up in thirty."

"Got it." He finished up, downloading the information to his suit and going to the loading point. This might be very stress relieving.

***

"Oh my god, there's dead people here!" a young slayer on her first patrol shouted.

Xander looked across the cemetery at her. "Of course there. What did you think vampires were?" She huffed. "Sorry but you knew there were vampires." He waved before staking the one coming up. "Get yours and we'll hit the other places." He looked over as someone wandered their way. "Your Honor."

"You were right, they did want the children," he said then fell down. The thing on his back started to whine.

Xander grabbed it and threw it, letting it explode in the fountain. He called that in. "Victoria, come here," he ordered. "We're staying here. Call Sarah and Faith in." She pulled out her phone to text that to them while he called in. Before he got through an officer came running. "He came wandering in, said I was right, someone wanted my kids, and I had to remove the explosive from his back." He pointed at the destroyed fountain. The officer was staring at him in horror. "He's the judge we were going through to sue HYDRA for the kids." The officer called that in. "Thank you. I couldn't get through to 911." More people, this time in suits, ran over. "Freeze," Xander ordered, pulling a gun. "I know damn well you're HYDRA. I saw you in the visions, I know you were there when my kids were, my kids have nightmares about your stupid hair."

"I'm not him. That's my cousin."

Xander stared at him. "Yank the other one. Especially since the judge said that HYDRA was coming for my kids." The agent backed up, hands up. Xander put his gun down at his side. "I had to remove the explosive from the judge's back," he said with a point at the fountain, looking at the agent nearest him.

"They probably decided he wasn't useful anymore," the agent said. "Put it away, Harris."

Xander stared at him. "How do I know you're not them?"

"You're paranoid," the officer said.

Xander stared at him. "It's not really paranoid if they're really out to get you."

Two other people rushed up to them. "Harris, I need to evacuate you and the kids now," one ordered. He looked at the guy on the ground. "Isn't that the judge?" Xander nodded. "Then we truly need to go now. Come along please, Slayer Victoria. We'll get you safely back to the house." He led them to his car, taking them back. Xander, Andrew, the kids, and the mini slayers all got moved to DC to hide with Tony for a while. Stark could help once he got back from taking down things in Rome.

***

Tony Stark opened up the communications panel. "Yeah, Pepper?" He listened. "They did *WHAT*!" he demanded. He listened again. "Yeah, sure. You help Harris and the tots. That's fine. I'm sure Xander can probably destroy them really hard but some people might want DC to stay in one piece. Please do. The judge... That's charming," he said dryly. "Let me know how it's going. We should be gone later tonight if we're on target."

He hung up and sighed, looking at the staring superheroes. "Pepper just called." Clint nodded. "Pepper said that the ones being sued over making the kids tried to get the judge, put an explosive on his back that Xander had to remove when the judge came to tell him that they're after the kids. So they're in hiding with some agents Harris thinks he can trust." He called Pepper back. "Do a background check on the agents. They can be sneaky and watching over the kids for HYDRA to gather intel." He hung up.

"Do you think they're going to attack DC?" Clint asked.

"Yes," Stark said. "They've tried once. Xander got out and blew the fuck out of them. Someone quipped he made nearly as much of a mess as Rogers did when he fought with Bucky."

Steve snapped his fingers. "Bucky, he can help protect the kids." He called him, walking off. "Bucky, me. HYDRA is after the kids. Yeah, those kids. Bucky, did no one tell you HYDRA created the embryos that created those kids? Yes, including her. They're hiding in DC from them. Xander's probably in paranoid daddy land again. They're joking Xander made more of a mess than we did when we fought in DC." He grinned at Stark. "Please. No, all five. Nira got born in the second round. We're worried that they're gathering intel quietly by watching the kids while others attack them. One's got a dad in NCIS, named DiNozzo. There's Tony's daughter, that one, and Nira, who has Andrew as the other parent. Thank you. Rome. We'll be back there in a while." He hung up. "He'll go help Xander with the kids."

"Good," Tony sighed. "If anyone can beat HYDRA it's probably him." The others nodded.

"If they get those children, we will go rescue them," Natasha said simply. Clint nodded, smiling at her. "Shall we defeat this vine of them?" They got back to planning, then went on the raid. They found the birthing units and some of the embryos, but none were in making. Thankfully.

***

Xander looked up as someone walked into his hotel room, nodding at him. "They've got two kids that aren't mine. One's Clint Barton's they think."

"They who?" Bucky asked. He patted the rabbit being held up to stare at him. "Hey, Hoppity." She giggled, hugging his arm.

"Some of my demon contacts. They don't want to know what'll happen if those kids are raised by them." He looked toward the bedroom then at Bucky. "Andrew's napping while Nira does. Thankfully she mostly eats what we do because the other stuff upset her stomach."

"Can we move them somewhere safer?"

"I can take them back to Africa," Xander said. "All the slayers are off the hellmouth in Cleveland and none of the others are outside of specially sealed areas. No one can get to them outside using magic." He scratched his hand. "I'd like to have that staff of rage back right about now. Or the other one."

"Can you use magic?"

"No but I can use magical artifacts thanks to hellmouth radiation," he said. "I'm about to feed them to a hellmouth."

"Will that take most of them?"

"No but it'll take the important ones," Xander said. "I could make deals to get rid of them but that would require a payment I'm not sure is a good idea. Hell, I could ask for a boon to become the next president." Bucky winced. "But I don't want to do that. Nira will be the first evil presidential geek."

Bucky nodded. "You need a nap."

Xander nodded with a grin. "Yes, I do. It's been three days; I'm used to this during apocalypses."

"Nap. I'll make sure the kids are fine."

"Guys, let's go nap while Bucky watches us."

"No," Joy said.

"Yes," Bucky said with a point. "Go nap and I'll watch over you guys." She huffed, pouting at him. "You can help me shine my arm later." She pouted all the way into the bedroom. They laid down between Andrew and Xander to nap. Bucky checked the rooms over. The traps and alarms were good. He added to a few of them to make them meaner. Then he settled in to figure out where they'd move them if they had to. Only so many places could hide five kids and three adult males. Or they could go to Africa to hide in the bush he guessed. He could camp. Xander could camp. Andrew would learn how to deal with it.

***

After the second attack, Xander called someone on a mirror, somehow that Bucky didn't understand. Xander stared at them. "They're coming for the kids."

"We can get you down there," the old woman said. "I can't be sure it'll be any safer."

Xander grinned. "Yes it can be. I have a place." The witch shuddered. "Pack up Cleveland to put down there?"

"We've gotten it mostly cleared except Willow's special room and the *special* armory."

"That's what I want," Xander said. "I can always get it refilled somehow." She nodded, looking behind her. "Here," he said, putting something against the mirror. "It's there."

They touched the pendant, pulling it to them. "Get ready," the other witch said. Xander pointed at the stroller with a nod. He waved Bucky over. "All right. Andrew, you'll come with us?"

"I can do that but Xander might need the help."

"Nira's not that much more work," Xander said. "But either way, ladies. I could use him helping anyway."

They nodded. "If we can," the first witch said. "Mark a boundary, Andrew." He did that with tape and markers. Bucky got pulled inside then Andrew finished it. Bucky went to get two things then came back. Xander grinned at that grabbing. There was a flash of light and then they were in the desert.

Andrew looked around. "How far, Xander?"

Xander checked his pendant. "Ten miles." He pointed. "It's got a homing light." They pushed the stroller off, letting the kids babble at their stuffed animals. One had gotten left but Andrew summoned it so he could check for trackers. Bucky found one but it got tossed onto a snake they passed by. The other animals got checked and those got tossed. "Figured one was HYDRA."

"Subtle information gathering," Bucky agreed. Xander grinned at him. "She's a nosy girl."

"Yes she is but that's being a little girl as far as I can tell. The slayers are the same way. They did take Crista, right?" he asked, looking at Andrew.

"Yeah. I made sure. The protections left her there for a few hours but she napped through it anyway." Andrew sent a text message then turned off his phone. He drew out a second boundary and they got inside it, Xander holding onto Bucky's sleeve. They disappeared again, and Xander led them down to the bunker he had. Inside there were now piles of weapons. Andrew took the kids into the kitchen area to eat and play while Xander and Bucky checked weapons before putting them in the armory.

"Where are we?" Bucky asked finally.

Xander grinned. "In the middle of nowhere. The only thing near us is a small village about five miles away. I won the bunker in a poker game from militant yahoos who wanted to get free of their demonic deals."

Bucky just nodded. "That's weird."

"Just the wacky that is our life," Andrew quipped, bringing them iced coffee. "Here. Drink." He went back to the kitchen. The kids had found the play room/living room that had the tv hookup. Andrew started the solar system running things and settled in to monitor the news while letting Nira nap on his lap. He snapped his fingers at the kids when the first 'grr' happened toward the boys from Joyceline. That stopped the picking on each other.

Jesse snuck down, looking up at Bucky. "Shiny?"

"The arm's not a weapon," Xander said. "Not shiny boom, Jesse."

"Shoot. Need shiny?" he asked with a grin, giving his dad a hopeful look.

"You can help me shine things later," he promised. Xander grinned at Bucky. "He's my mini me."

"It's good he likes weapons. He can protect his sister."

Xander laughed. "Joyceline's going to run them all over and do whatever she wants. She's just as strong as the boys are."

"Good. She'll need it. She kept coming down to check on me and making me hug her."

Xander nodded. "She's a good girl and knows that hugs help people." He looked at him. "She's a good girl, Bucky."

"If you're sure." Because Bucky wasn't. He didn't know any girls like that one.

***

Xander's phone rang. "Yup, what's up?" he asked. "Hey, Buffy. No, we're safe and they can't trace this if they have you hostage." He listened. "You know what, I can do that. Or you can ask a poker debt." He laughed. "Sure. You be safe." He hung up and sent a text message to a poker contact. That one liked to eat bad guys. He thought they were fun. Ten minutes later, the demon wrote back a 'thank you for the buffet, they were fun' and Xander got to laugh.

Andrew leaned in. "The news is reporting Buffy and a few of the slayers had been taken hostage until some demons showed up to free the slayers that protected them all." Xander waved his phone. "We good?"

"They can't track my phone, Andrew. It doesn't have that ability. No GPS chip or anything. It bounces off some satellites instead of a tower." He grinned. "That's why I wore the tracking necklace from the coven while I was in Africa. It's in my room in Cleveland."

"Good," Andrew said. He checked. "I don't have mine."

"They'd have to have a magic user that knew you enough to know the taste of your magic," Xander said. "I don't think HYDRA has taken any of the coven hostage."

"I hope not. I'd hate to ask for a deal." He went back to watching the kids. They were having a napping moment so that was a great thing. It meant Bucky could quit hiding his arm from the boys who wanted to shine it. Or from Joy's attempt at hugging him better.

***

Bucky woke up to a hated sight, a HYDRA agent staring at him. He wasn't strapped down but he didn't want to move. "Who're you?" he demanded.

"Don't worry, Soldier, you did well." He smiled. "They will make great versions of you for the next generation."

"I doubt that." He struggled to sit up. "The children will destroy you if their father doesn't."

"He doesn't concern us. He was convenient and had skills we liked." The agent smirked. "We will continue to let him save the world so that sort do not bother us."

Bucky blinked at the blinding light. That's the sort of light he thought happened during nuclear explosions. Then he woke up for real, panting.

Xander was standing there with a metal rod. "Are you out of the flashback?" he asked patiently. Bucky stared at him. "Not like I haven't had my own. You good?"

"I..." He panted and nodded. "Thank you."

"Not a problem." He grinned. "Joy wanted to make the tiger eat you but Jesse knew that the shiny would have to win this time." He pointed at the kids, who were all staring at him. "They heard or felt it start and came running to protect you. Any idea why?"

"It was a HYDRA agent."

Xander blinked at him. "We can test you for visions." He looked in the bedroom. "'Drew?"

"Not a vision. Maybe a sending. I'm working on the protections to keep them out."

"Thank you, 'Drew." He grinned at Bucky again. "Any idea which agent that was so we can stop them personally? I'd hate for them to have the wrong idea about my kids; though you're right, they will destroy them. A lot. And then probably ask for cookies." He smiled. "I love my hellions. I'm going to consecrate them to chaos gods."

"That's redundant, all kids are mini chaos gods," Andrew called.

"You sure? We can bless them to Janus and others."

"Yup. Just look at all the hell yours create, Xander. They don't need to be hyped on the chaos tip."

"It could let it leak out to them, powering a chaos god. I could even use Loki, that way maybe we can get his staff back. Or the staff of rage. I wouldn't mind that one."

Andrew looked up then out there. "If someone's going to use Loki's staff, it'll be me."

"I know you're a great villain, you're just looking for your cause to act against," Xander said with a grin. "Some day you'll break bad and all the others will go 'we forgot he could do evil'." Andrew grinned, blushing some. "Can we summon the staffs?"

"Not that I'm aware of." He considered it then tried. "No. There's a higher power in the way."

"Hmm. That's either the vault or the guy who made it," Xander said. He considered it. "Or there's some guy called 'The Collector' who's said to have a bunch of things like that. He might have it. I'll have to ask a poker contact though." He went into the armory to find that calling set.

"Please don't," Bucky called. "Use the improbable weapons in there."

"Oh, yeah, the stuff that they won on another reality from some guys in hazmat suits or something. I forgot we had the improbable laser weapons." He dug those out, handing Andrew the trunk full of magical stuff. "Willow's from the *special* room."

"Hmm," Andrew said, getting into them. "That's a lot of crap. What did she do with that?"

"That was during her black magic phase," Xander said.

"Oh, that stuff. Still stupid of her." He shrugged, getting what he needed out so he could use it easier. He didn't want to encourage Xander to use anything magical.

Bucky watched them hatch wacky plans that might just work. He didn't even realize the boys were polishing his arm again until Andrew made him flinch by summoning a djinn.

Andrew grinned, waving some. "I'd like all the superhero gear not currently in use on this realm. The ones from the comic books. We'll have to beat Thanos soon I think. Xander had a vision."

The djinn stared at him. "What?"

"That's what I wish for. All the powerful superhero stuff not currently in use in this reality or realm."

The djinn rubbed his head then put his turban back down. "That's a lot of crap, young man."

"That's a superhero," Andrew said with a point at Bucky.

The djinn looked then at Andrew. "Why do I get into these situations?" he complained.

"At least we're not asking to be set up with the princess," Xander called from the armory. "Andrew, ask for the rings."

"Oh, yeah, and the special magical artifacts that aren't in speciality sealed vaults or in use please." He grinned.

The djinn sighed. "Yes, Master. That's two of your three."

Andrew grinned. "Sure. We'll consider the other one. I know wishes are double edged swords."

"Yes, they are," the djinn said. He snapped and then clapped once. The armory had a small off-room that held a lot of things.

Xander leaned out. "Is that really all of them? I mean, there's no Lantern Ring. There's no capes...." The djinn groaned, shaking his head. "Well, we are the Council now," he said dryly with a smirk. "Someone's got to save the slayers from work. Better us than the guys who put on spandex, right?"

"Some of those will only go to the proper sort, they can't be summoned," the djinn said, heading back into his lamp.

Xander looked at it then grinned at Andrew. "Willow had a spell to make unlimited wishes."

"Really?" he asked with a grin. "That's cool. Which ones did we get?" He got up to go see. "No magical stuff, Xander. I'll do the magic, you do the weapons, and we'll let Bucky have the nicer, prettier weapons."

"Sure," Xander quipped. "Bucky, do you want the laser cannon or something else?"

"I'll pick mine out later. Why don't you rest?"

"Because the kids are awake and we wouldn't think about making you babysit them all." He picked up Nira, taking her into the armory. "Nira, this is a gun," he said, holding it up with a grin. "Daddy Xander really likes guns. Some day, your older siblings will like guns and so will you." She cooed at it, making him grin. "I knew you'd like guns like Daddy Xander." He put it down. "This is an assault rifle." He let her see that one.

In the other room Bucky sighed, shaking his head. "Your daddy's showing the baby weapons," he said. The kids squealed, running in to help the daddy. Bucky laid back down, nursing the new headache. These two were insane. He wasn't sure why but they really were insane. Maybe Steve would save them all soon? Then the two adults could rest and eat and regain sanity when the slayers babysat for a few hours.

***

Steve got an email from Bucky a few nights later, staring at it. "He's not sleeping. Xander's petting the shiny weapons and he's not sleeping. Thankfully the kids are tired of the weapons and Bucky's arm so they're playing with the magic things that Andrew is going over with them."

Stark looked at him. "Excuse me? My daughter's playing with magic?"

"Yup," Steve said.

"No. Not allowed. She can go into science. She's not allowed to go into magic. She's not allowed to follow me into the suit, not allowed to follow Romanoff into her suit, and she's not allowed to go into magic."

"Then we need to finish taking out HYDRA's main heads," Natasha said. "So they quit going for the children. Then everyone could rest."

Stark looked at her then at Steve. "How many more do you think there are?"

"Probably dozens of groups," he said. "I'm not sure how many would want the kids. Or why they want the kids at that age."

"It's easier to make sure they'll stay loyal at that age," Natasha said.

"That's a point I didn't want to consider." Steve considered it. "Find how many more of them want the kids. I'll gladly go take them down, Stark. That way you can babysit."

Stark looked at him. "They've still got some of the embryos too." He went to the lab to look at that. Pepper had to be worried about Joy too. She wanted his daughter to be more like her than her other father. Or Barton, which was where she was probably heading since the slayers and Xander all used archaic weapons more often.

Natasha looked at Clint. "I think his mind has gone back to his daughter turning out like you again."

"Quite possibly," he agreed with a grin. "Many people want to be like me." He put his feet up, getting them knocked off the coffee table by Steve. Who walked off laughing. Clint rolled his eyes but he was comfortable with how badass he was. He could probably even out badass Xander Harris.

***

Natasha found the news story, paging the others to come see. She pointed.

Tony turned, looking at Bucky using a laser cannon while laughing. Xander had just armed and thrown a huge bomb at the demon with tentacles. It exploded nicely then Andrew came out with a newly made staff, it still had some duct tape holding it together, and blew the demon's hole back to its own realm. Tony looked at Natasha. "Where is that?"

"Africa."

"Of course he went back there," Clint agreed. "He probably has a hidey-hole so tight no one can find it. Were they naturally there?"

"Someone called them to come," she said.

Clint nodded. "I'd go take that out too." All three adults disappeared, going back to wherever. "Any idea if they're near there? Or who was watching the kids?"

"Not a clue," Natasha said. "They didn't say."

"That was an advanced laser weapon that no one on this planet made," Stark said. "It wasn't pretty like most Asgardian weapons. So where did he get it?"

Steve shrugged. "No clue. Was HYDRA working on laser weapons?"

"Not that I've seen," Tony said. He and Steve looked at each other. "Which means Harris probably found it somewhere."

"Some of the demon realms are said to be more advanced than we are," Natasha said.

"Hell, for all we know, he might know aliens," Stark said, stomping off. "I need to email them, get my daughter out of there. I'll gladly babysit all five kids to get them out of there. Before my daughter covets things that I can't give her."

"See if you can get into their armory, bring them all back," Clint suggested with a grin. "That way we have Bucky, Xander, and Andrew with their weapons."

Stark snapped, nodding. "Not a bad idea. We just have to bring down three other HYDRA bases." He went to find them again and tell Steve so they could raid them.

Steve followed, hoping to get Tony calmed down. Pepper too. She had recognized that look in Tony's eyes. He was about to explode.

Clint and Natasha made sure their weapons were ready. It was going to be a bad thing to be HYDRA soon.

***

Tony found a kitten poker hall, going in there to find out more about his baby daddy. Harris played and had mentioned getting information from them, and sometimes weapons. He paused to look around.

"Human, you're not usually our kind," one of the demons in the back called. A few others laughed.

"No, but I wanted to know more about Xander." He walked toward that one. He was scary but Tony had seen scarier cheerleaders feening for more dick. "We share a daughter so I wanted to know more about him or his skills."

The demons looked at each other then at him. "You're the father of his daughter?" Tony nodded, sitting down. "Hmm. We weren't sure if they had other parents."

"They do but he's guarding the kids while we deal with HYDRA wanting them back." He tapped the table a few times. "I've heard about him and a few battles. I've seen him in a few battles. I'd like to know more about him. Especially if you guys know where he's hiding with them."

The demons nodded, dealing him into the next hand. Tony anted in with cash, not paying any attention to the pitiful look the cat on the table was giving him. "Harris is an interesting problem," the dealer said. "He's not quite one of us but he's partially one of us thanks to the mermaid taint. He'll protect us if we need him to, but he'll go after us if we screw up or look at the slayers wrong. He's an interesting guy but never give him sweets."

"Joyceline isn't sugar reactive, thankfully," Tony said. "He is?" They all nodded. "Huh."

"You didn't get to see the demon he vowed vengeance on for killing his first jeep," one of the other demons at another table said. "He warned it. He drank a case of mountain dew, ate a huge pile of sweets, then went off on it. That whole realm was *real* sorry for pissing Xander off." He shook his head with a sigh. "I'm so glad I took the opportunity to immigrate so I wasn't there for that. They said they'll get the main city rebuilt this year." A few patted him on the arm.

"He took down a city?" Tony asked. His daughter seriously needed to spend more time with him, just so she didn't turn into her other father. Even if that wasn't fully the truth, his little girl could not become a destroyer.

"It was wood. He had his specially blessed axe," the dealer said with a shrug. "They annoyed him to no end so he fixed the annoying things by dealing with a few important bracing points."

Tony nodded. "I didn't know he could do that." Xander was scary, like a super villain, he had to remember that.

"We're more worried what his mental state is like right now," the bartender called. "He's got the kids, Andrew, a huge armory, some mystical artifacts, and that guy."

"His name's Bucky," Tony called, looking at him. "Are the kids in danger?"

"Of turning into Xander," the bartender said. "I doubt the Knight's been sleeping very well. We all hate it when apocalypse times come. He doesn't sleep real well and then he loses sense. He becomes mean. Then he quits eating now and then, so we all hide until it's done. Pity he lost Anya, she cured some of that."

"Did she leave him?" Tony asked.

"She died in the fall of Sunnydale," the dealer said. "In the battle against the First Evil. Pity too. They were slowly getting back together. A lot of bets got lost when she died."

One demon at the table grimaced. "I lost a whole lot. I swore they would've had apocalypse sex but no, not them."

"No time and the house was full of mini slayers that wouldn't let him sleep," the bartender said, coming over with a bottle of water for Stark. He grinned at him. "Xander's not a bad guy. We all like Xander. He's helped protect us for years, even doing things that the slayers will never be told. Mostly because they'd nag and he'd pout, then someone else would try to kidnap him or sacrifice him for being so pouty." He walked off shaking his head.

"I've never heard anything about Xander dating outside of a few arms dealers," Tony said. The demons laughed, getting into stories of Xander's past dates and wanters. It was...eye opening in a lot of ways. Tony had to make sure his daughter didn't turn into her other father.

***

That night, Tony handed Pepper the three cats he had won and his body camera so she could see what he had found out. "We need more time with Joy. Before she gets warped and hates science." He walked off shaking his aching head. Clint handed him a beer, letting Tony wander down to the lab. The robots would make him feel better.

Pepper looked at the three cats that Tony had pulled out of jacket pockets like he was some sort of magician. "How did he get you three?" She checked, they were alive, just sedated. She plugged the camera into the computer to watch the film while she petted them. They seemed like nice cats. She saw how he won them, and why. She hated that some demons ate cats when she saw that happening. The stories about Xander *had* to be an exaggeration, right?

***

Stark finally found the bunker, heading down into it. He stared around, looking at Bucky. Who pointed in the bedroom. He put up his face shield, staring at him. "Laser cannon?"

"That's not the weirdest thing in there and they asked a genie in a lamp for unused superhero weapons, Stark."

Xander walked out. "Are they safe?"

"They should be. I'm pretty sure we've gotten all the ones that wanted to make future soldiers. We found the rest of the embryos with the remains of SHIELD." Xander smiled. "Let's pack up and go back to the tower so you and the kids can all nap. You need a rest, Xander."

Bucky nodded quickly. "He could, and food. Andrew's been doing magical stuff so he's only had sandwiches that the kids have stolen. Plus the kids could shine the pretty things with you watching."

"Yes they can. Pack up, kids. Let's go."

"Did you lead anyone here?" Xander asked, looking up.

"No. I told Steve I was going into a demon's den to find you and that was in another country. They sent me here."

"Okay. Sure." He nodded, going to wake up Andrew so they could pack the important things, bringing it with them. Them, the kids got into the stroller, Bucky, and the trunks that were magically filled with the important things. Then they went back with Stark via Andrew's magic machines.

Stark looked at the thing that had brought them. "Is that from Asgard?"

"No, it was made by dwarves in a whole other realm," Andrew said with a grin.

"We can look at those later. Let's get you guys into a real room. Pepper's more than happy to babysit all the kids tonight." He grinned. Xander hugged him. Bucky nearly hugged him before going to find Steve to report. Pepper came in, taking the stroller with her. Andrew rushed after her to hand over the diaper bag and the box of food stuff, explaining what Nira could eat and drink that wouldn't upset her stomach. Then he went to find a couch and collapse.

Xander grinned at Stark. "He really needed a nap. Thanks."

"Undo the armory stuff so I can see the stuff that we don't have?"

"Sure but we need it back. They're slayer weapons. Not like we get them from the army or something." He undid that trunk. The weapons magically flew back out to unpack themselves. Xander wandered off. "Can I go nap on a couch?"

"Sure, kid. Thanks. This'll give me stuff to calm down with." Xander nodded, heading up to the living room area. Stark watched him go then got into the weapons. He had no idea who had made some of them but they were really sweet. Jesse came back in to help him with the weapons by petting them but that was just cute of him.

***

Pepper summoned Natasha down to her office, smiling when she came in. "Here, the body camera Tony had on the other night. I realized I hadn't shared and wanted to know if you wanted to come with me and Joy when we went to the spa for a girls' day."

Natasha nodded. "I could use a good spa treatment." She settled in a chair to watch the video, not minding much when Arlin brought Henry's tiger over to meet her. She smiled at him. "Hello."

"That's Arlin but the tiger is the 'grr' thing that they do to each other when they're annoyed," Pepper said. "Joy usually has Hoppity, her rabbit." She pointed at it.

Natasha smiled. "Special friends are good for children," she said quietly. Arlin climbed up to sit in her lap. "I'm watching this video." Arlin grinned, clapping. Joy and Henry came over to help her watch it. She started it playing again, letting the kids sit around her to watch. At the end she blinked at Pepper. "The cats?"

"Two of the secretaries and a physicist adopted them." She smiled. "It was great of Tony to rescue them."

"It was," Natasha agreed, petting the kids on the head. Joy blinked up at her. "Would you like to do girl things with Pepper and I?"

Joy smiled. "Clothes?"

"Yes, you need some new clothes, princess," Pepper said with a grin. "So do the boys."

"Shiny?" Arlin asked with a shiteating grin. "Like shiny clothes."

"If we can find clothes with shiny things, certainly." Arlin wiggled, grinning at her. "You guys are so cute. Would you like me to get you dinner?" They got up to cheer and hop around. She smiled at Natasha, who smirked back. "Pizza you think?"

"I think they should do fine as long as the pieces are smaller. I've only been a nanny on assignment for two months and they were older children."

Clint leaned in. "Guys, want pizza?" They ran over to hug him. "Hi."

"Bow!" Joy demanded, grinning at him. "Bow?"

"Later. It's in my room. I have to restring it, Joyceline. Want pizza now and then my bow?" They followed him upstairs. Pepper made the pizza order, Natasha following her up there. Steve and Bucky had moved the couches that Xander and Andrew were on into another room so they could have some real sleep. Thankfully Pepper had added enough pizzas for everyone tonight. Jesse came up with Tony when they got there. "Having fun?" Clint joked, handing Stark a paper plate.

"We've had a lot of fun staring in awe at the weird, not-scientifically possible weapons. He loves them." He put Jesse down. "Let's eat."

"Butt," he said. The others nodded.

"I forgot all about you guys being in diapers," Pepper said. Tony got the diaper bag so they could change the kids in the bathroom. Nira needed one too. They put her onto the floor so she could join them instead of being penned in her car seat. She crawled off, going to bump into a bookshelf. Joy got her a book with pictures, letting her have it. Nira squealed, patting it until Joy settled in to change pages for her so she could see the pretty things. Nira got to chew on some crust and cheese from Joy's pizza so they could feed her real baby food later.

Within an hour, Tony and Pepper wondered how Xander and Andrew did it with all five without being exhausted. Especially since the kids ate more than Steve did.

***

Xander came out the next morning yawning. "Thank you, whoever babysat last night," he mumbled when he ran into someone.

Natasha got him off her. "You're welcome. They weren't much problem." Xander blinked at her. "They do eat a lot."

He nodded. "They're growing. That's why they get lots of veggies."

"Last night they got three pizzas between them."

Xander blinked a few times. "Food fight or down the diapers?"

"Some pepperoni did end up down some diapers," she admitted, smiling some. "Nira's especially."

"I'm sorry if her tummy kept you up."

"No, she kept Stark up." She patted him on the cheek. "We are taking Joy with us to do girlish things."

"That's fine. She can be girlish when we're in the US. Though I didn't want her in a dress yet. She's too young and tends to end up spread out on the floor. Pants are just safer with toddlers."

"We can work on that." Pepper came off the elevator with the kids trooping after her. They ran over to hug the daddy.

"Were you guys good last night? Daddy really needed the nap." They grinned and patted him. "C'mon, I'll make eggies." They ran into the kitchen. "Wait for me. You're too young to cook." He grinned at Pepper. "Thank you for letting me nap."

"You're welcome. You clearly needed it, Xander." She patted him on the cheek with a smile. "We're taking Joy for a girls' day."

"That's fine but she's too young to wear a dress."

"We can handle that too." Xander grinned, going in there to make eggs so the kids would quit terrorizing the fridge to find breakfast. "Nira's taking a shower with Tony," Pepper said, sitting at the breakfast bar.

"Andrew does that with her. I do a lot of her care but Andrew does the bathing stuff. It's weird to give baths to little girls."

"I'd guess it would be for men," she agreed, looking at Natasha. "Have you eaten?"

"I can make more eggies." He grinned at them. "I'm really good at eggies." He got what he needed, including veggies. "We're having green, yellow, and tomato veggies," he said. "With cheese," he said at the whine. That got another kiddy cheer. He made omelettes, splitting them between two kids. Nira's got put into a bowl and chopped up finer for her to eat. He made one for Natasha and Pepper too, plus started coffee. Andrew wandered out so Xander made him one. Andrew hugged him, nearly falling back asleep. "Still tired?" He nodded. "Let go of some magic?"

"Later," he mumbled, letting Xander sit him down to nap on the table. Arlin nicely petted him so that was sweet of the baby. Xander put coffee in front of him first, making Andrew hum but stay head-down on the table. Xander presented the ladies with food, smiling at them.

"You need one as well," Natasha said. "I can't eat all that."

Xander snorted, looking at her. "I'm sure you can eat like a slayer. You do about as much work as they do plus kick butt." He made himself some toast. "I never eat first thing in the morning. My stomach doesn't realize it's supposed to have solid things."

Tony came walking in with Nira, who squealed when she saw her family, getting handed to Xander. "She was good all night."

"She usually is. The slayers scowl at the babies squealing when they come in." He put her into her carrier and handed her the bowl he had filled. "Eggies?" She grinned, stuffing her fist into it then nearly into her mouth. "You do that." Andrew lifted his head to sip coffee, taking the fork one of the kids wasn't using to feed her. Xander sat down with a grin. "I'll do the dishes in a few minutes, Stark."

"It's fine, Xander. We have a dishwasher."

"So do we, it's called a slayer on probation," Andrew said dryly. "But she does a bad job." Pepper laughed.

"They're to be normal girls and kitchen duty is a punishment duty," Xander agreed. "That one was dating someone thirty and she's twelve. So she's been on kitchen duty for the three weeks before we had to flee the idiocy."

"She volunteered instead of telling Buffy about that sin," Andrew agreed. "Or the two who're dating half a fraternity." He rolled his eyes with a sigh. "I don't know which slayer's memories gave them the idea to be a slut, but damn."

"It's the lack of rules," Xander said. "The girls who still had parents don't do that. Just some of the US girls." Andrew grimaced but nodded. "We're good parents and we keep them from most bad things. Though I'm going to paddle the one I caught puffing a cigar right before we left. It was nice Faith pointed out it was like giving a blow job. Made her choke and put it out."

Tony shook his head. "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."

"And sometimes the girl is sixteen, has had ten sexual partners as we found out later, and is a ho," Xander said dryly. "We'd like the girls to be more girls and less like that. I'm afraid it was Buffy's doing."

"She wasn't a ho," Andrew said, looking at him. Nira dove up to get her bite of food. He went back to feeding her. "Her first one was Angel. She told the girls that when they were talking about first boyfriends one night over cake."

"Her first one was Angel, but she had a boyfriend before she got called that she was letting grope and I doubt any of the other girls were hos to put that into their imprint."

"Good point. Not Faith."

"No. I was her first."

Andrew grinned at him. "Wow."

"Right before I stopped the zombies trying to blow up the school while I was supposedly fray adjacent," Xander finished bitterly. "Both of ours." He took the fork to feed Nira. "You need to grow bigger and stronger so your brothers don't use you as a pillow like they do to Henry." Henry dug in to finish his eggs, stealing some of Joy's. She pouted at him. "I can make you more food, Henry. Don't steal anyone else's. You're not a baby slayer. You don't get away with that from Faith." Henry pouted at him so he handed over some of his toast. The kids got the rest of the pieces. "Sure, I'm done with breakfast." They grinned as they nibbled, Joy going over to hug her father, who cuddled her back. "I need to pick up diapers."

"I can," Andrew sighed, finishing his coffee. "I usually do our shopping. I can replace the carton of eggs too." He looked at the plates, handing the leftovers Jesse had left to Henry, who grinned before diving in to eat it. "Good boy, thank you." Jesse was over looking at Tony's tools in his back pocket anyway. He wasn't going to care.

Xander looked at him. "I can shop. That way you can't be snatched."

"If they try, I'll turn them into pets for the kids," he shot back with a grin. "I'm not helpless, Xander."

"I didn't think you were, just tired."

"Yeah, but it happens. I'll dump the magic after I get back from buying diapers."

"There's a pharmacy on the corner," Pepper said with a smile. "They should have diapers." They grinned at her. "That way you don't have to go too far from safety, Andrew."

"That'll be great. Thank you, Ms. Potts."

"I'm Pepper, Andrew, unless I'm mad at you."

"Thank you, Pepper."

"You're welcome." She finished most of her eggs, letting Joy have the rest since she had been picking up some of the veggies to eat for her. "You're obviously about to grow again," she said. Joy grinned at her. "We'll figure that out today." Joy hugged her, getting one back. "Ready to go do girl things?"

"Me?" Jesse asked.

"You're a boy. You can go to the baby spa with me some other time to do boy things," Xander said patiently.

"'Kay!" He went back to trying to get Tony's tools from him. "Shiny!" he cooed when he got his multitool. "Shiny! Shiny!" He danced around singing the shininess to them all.

Xander picked him up to look at him. "It's early. Sing in about an hour. Okay? Let Andrew rest."

Jesse nodded, hugging him to get down. He hugged Andrew, poking him a tiny bit to get one back. Andrew was drifting back to sleep. "Sleepy." He looked at the other boys. "Sleepy?" They grinned and snuck off in their exaggerated toddler way to go play in the living room, making more noise than they had been.

Xander sighed, grinning at Tony. "Sometimes they take hints."

"I can see that. You can rest, Xander. Really."

"That'd mean they'd overwhelm you. They've had a lot of rest, they're ready to get into trouble. Did you want to rebuild Manhattan?"

"They're not that bad." Xander snorted, giving him an incredulous look. "I can handle it. We have shiny things in the labs to take their attentions."

"If you're sure." Tony nodded, giving him a look. "Okay, let us know how much the damage is." He frisked Andrew, handing Pepper the family credit card.

She waved it off. "I have seven of those, Xander. I can buy her some cute outfits." She stared at him. "Be a good boy." She picked Joy up. "Let's wash our face and hands, then we'll go to the spa." Joy cheered, bouncing around Pepper and Natasha on the way to the elevator.

"Bye," Xander called, waving. "We'll see you later, Joyceline. Have fun with Auntie Pepper and Miss Natasha."

"Bye!" she called back, waving and grinning. "Be a good boy." She cackled as she got onto the elevator. "No boys!" she squealed, hugging Natasha. "No grr."

"That's true, there's no tiger at the spa," Natasha said, smiling at her. You almost had to smile at the beaming grin from the little girl.

Xander shrugged. "Let me go get diapers. Andrew will leech the magic out later." He took the card with him to the store on the corner. It meant he got chocolate he didn't have to share too. It was great. He ran into Steve on the way back from his daily run. "Tony said he wanted to watch all the heathens, even if he had to rebuild Manhattan." He smiled like he was high. "Joy's going to the spa with Miss Pepper and Miss Natasha. I'm so proud of my kids being good today." He went up to drop the diapers into the diaper bag then went to rest again.

Steve came off the elevator, getting himself some water. Tony was with the boys in the living room. They had legos everywhere and were throwing them at each other while Tony was trying to teach them to build. Steve got his water, went to take a shower, then came back to spare Tony going nuts. He'd need it with four kids, including the baby that was knotting his hair for him.

***

Bucky woke up, looking around. There wasn't a single stuffed animal staring at him from the edge of the bed. It was great to wake up alone. He swung his legs over, finding he wasn't alone, Nira was half under his bed taking a nap. "Are you hiding?" he guessed. He sniffed, grimacing. He picked her up, carrying her out to hand to Stark. "She was hiding."

"The boys drove her off by not reading to her," Tony said, taking her to change in the bathroom. The boys followed to get their own diapers changed. "How do we potty train you guys?"

"Potty?" Jesse asked, eyes wide. "Us?"

"You, yes." He smiled. "Big boys use potties."

"Ooooh," all three boys said, staring at the mystical potty thing that Daddy used. They went to look at it.

Tony sat them on it after cleaning them up. "Try to pee in there. Okay?" he told each one. One managed it and got a hug. The others patted him for it. Maybe they'd get it pretty quickly. He hoped. Diapers were gross. Especially Nira's. Pizza clearly didn't agree with her baby stomach yet.

***

Tony looked up from designing during nap time at the rallying cry of 'shiny!' from one of the boys over the intercom. He groaned, going to find them. Not near the suits. Not near the weapons. Not anywhere. "JARVIS?" he called. "Where are the boys and Nira?" The elevator hit a button for him, letting him off on the right floor. "Oh, that shiny. Hey, Thor."

"Stark." He looked at the children. "Did you spawn again?"

"These are Joy's brothers. Where's Nira, boys?" They gave him afraid looks. "Show me where Nira is?" They took him back to a room, pointing from the doorway. Tony walked in. "Hey, Bruce, can I have the baby?"

"There's a baby?" he asked, looking around. "Oh, there you are." She cooed up at him, patting him on the foot. "What are you playing with? Is that a mouse?"

Tony squatted down to get her and the mouse. "Yes. A live one." He handed it to Bruce, who tossed it into the trash can. "C'mon, Nira, come meet Thor. Do you need changed?" He checked, no obvious butt stink so she was probably fine. He carried her out, letting the boys follow him. "C'mon, guys, let's go potty?" They pouted. "I can change you at the same time." They ran for the nearest bathroom. "Let me end the butt problems the boys had, Thor."

"Of course. She's wet," he said. "She's grumbling about being wet." Thor looked so confused.

"That's not unusual for her," Tony said. "We're babysitting while her daddy naps. He *really* needed a rest." He carried her into the bathroom the boys had chosen, which happened to be the girl's bathroom but none were in there. He got them all changed and let the boys try the potty thing again before putting clean ones on. Jesse went this time and got a hug for it. The others patted him and they went back to bother Thor for a bit. He had a cape and a shiny. It was great. Plus he had hair that amused Nira when she found it.

Pepper and Natasha came off the elevator with bags and the baby napping on Pepper's shoulder. "Thor," she said, leaning down to kiss him on the cheek since he was on the living room floor with the boys. "Welcome back." She smiled at the boys. "Where's Daddy Xander?" They pointed. "Good boys." She carried the baby that way, putting her down next to Xander. That woke him and he blinked at her then at Pepper. "We wore her out shopping for cute things." She smiled. "We got her hair done too."

"I can see the pigtails. She's cute. Thank you."

"You're welcome." She walked off, letting the daddy handle the young girl. The boys were digging into the clothes with Natasha's help. Arlin had already claimed anything shiny as his. "Arlin, that's Joy's. It's a dress. Only girls wear dresses." She patted him on the head.

He pouted. "Mine?"

"You have other shiny things." She found one shirt, letting him have it. He squealed because it had animals on it. That woke his sister, who ran out to pounce him. "Eww! Smelly funny!"

She pouted. "Me girl!"

"Yes you are," Natasha agreed, patting her on the back. Joy belched. "Manners?" she prompted.

"Torry?"

"Excuse me," Pepper corrected. "You say 'excuse me' when you burp, Joy."

"'Kay!" she chirped, then belched in her brother's ear. "'Scuse me!" She stole her dress back. "Mine! For girls!"

Arlin hugged his shirt. "Mine then."

"That's yours," Pepper agreed, stroking over his hair. "You need a haircut." Arlin scowled at her. She grinned. "You're so fierce, Arlin." He grinned and grr'd at her without the tiger. "Yes, you're quite the beast."

Xander came out, staring at the kids. "Yes, they are. How much of the city will we have to restore?"

"Two labs," Tony quipped. "I've gotten them thinking about potty training."

"You're a damn saint," Xander said with a dopey grin at him. Tony smirked back, going back to the lab. "Guys, let's fold the clothes so they look good when you wear them." They handed him the clothes, letting him fold them so they could cuddle the folded things. He looked at the dress then at Pepper. "She'll never sit properly in it."

"It's got shorts to go under it. That's how little girls do it, Xander." He smiled, putting the shorts with it. Joy was fine with that, it gave her more to cuddle.

Thor watched, very amused, until Andrew stumbled out to dump magic from the balcony. Then he watched the strange sorcerer for a bit. He went into the kitchen to work on a meal for everyone, which made Thor pleased. He was a decent enough cook. It was odd that sorcerers did such things but he was sure some had to cook their own meals instead of summoning things to do it for them.

***

Buffy called Xander's phone. "I saw a picture of your daughter out with some lady. Was she picking up one for you?" she joked from the speaker.

He rolled his eyes while changing Nira's diaper. "She was out with her other daddy's female friends for a girls day, and some shopping since she's growing, Buffy."

"Have you thought about color coding the kids' clothes? We're about to do it for the baby slayers."

"Arlin would hate that, he likes shiny clothes. Jesse just likes shiny weapons," he joked.

"You let your son play with weapons?" she asked, sounding less than amused.

"He helps me sharpen swords and knives. Plus clean weapons. He's very helpful making them shiny."

"Uh-huh," she said. "Is that good for them?"

"Yeah, they're fine. We had a talk about what you don't touch on weapons."

"Uh-huh," she repeated. "Didn't he nearly blow up the house playing with a weapon I had under a couch?"

"He stepped on it, Buffy. Also, there was a baby slayer helping."

"Oh." She huffed. "Are they okay otherwise?"

"They're good. They're coloring on the books Miss Pepper got them to color on. We're hoping that HYDRA has learned not to mess with the kids."

"I'm sure they have. Are there any left?"

Xander grinned at the phone. "I can suggest that to someone."

"No, please don't." She heard him yelp. "Someone bite you?"

"Nira just peed on me. I'm changing her and she's got this shiteating grin she got from Andrew's side of the family," he said, cleaning her up again and getting a clean diaper. "Let's wait a while before we do that again, okay?" He hitched it then put her down. "There, wander for two minutes while I wash my hands." He did that. "Beyond asking about the kids, what's going on?"

"Glory can't be back, right?" she asked quietly.

"No. A thousand years if I remember right. Why?"

"Lots of newly insane people here, Xander."

"Well, there's probably others that can do the same thing. Have you asked the local poker circuit?"

"There's none near here. That's why we put this fallback here. The community in London hasn't heard anything."

"I can ask the ones here in New York."

"You're not at the house?"

"We're still hiding, Buffster."

"Oh. Okay. Please. Let me know?"

"Of course. I'll even send some of the improbable weapons if it is her. Gotta be easier to defeat something like Glory if you've got higher weapons," he quipped.

"Yeah, I hope so. Thanks, Xander."

"Welcome. Let me go change my shirt and stuff." He hung up, picking up the baby so he could walk out. He handed her to Clint. "Can you hold her while I change my shirt? She peed on me for Buffy calling about a problem." He went in to change. Andrew came out of the kitchen with a new pot of coffee when Xander came back pulling on a new t-shirt. "Got the carrier and can you handle the quad?"

"I can handle all them," Andrew said.

Xander grinned. "Buffy called." Andrew groaned, shaking his head. "She's got people who're looking like Glory got them."

"Was I there for her?"

"The sanity sucking goddess that stuck her crazy fingers in your head and sucked on your brain to top up her sanity?" Xander said.

"I heard but I was still a bad guy then." He took Nira. "I can deal with them while you go talk to the poker circuit."

"I figured a few would like to coo at her and I doubt I'll be attacked up here."

"Uh-huh. You will. Go armed?"

"And hidden," Xander quipped with a grin. "I can bring her, 'Drew."

"I've got her. It's safer, Xander. They probably won't attack here." He gave him a pointed look. "I can just see you turning yourself in to the NYPD if they attack so you can protect her." Xander rolled his eyes. "I've got 'em." He grinned. "I'm feeling lonely anyway. She can help me cook."

"Okay, if you're sure." He checked his weapons. "Let me go ask the poker circuit." He walked off, coming back to hand Andrew his phone. "Just in case you need the slayers since Amanda was pouty the last I heard." He walked off, going to the elevator. He walked into Pepper's office, waving from the doorway. "I have to go ask some questions about a problem Buffy's spotted. Andrew has the kids." She smiled and nodded. "Thanks, Pepper. Be firm if they're bothering you."

"They're not, Xander. It's sweet." He snorted but smirked at her. "Besides, it'll make them more normal."

"Buffy still thinks I'm normal," he said blandly, staring at her. "They're exceptional because they shouldn't exist." He walked off, going to the front entrance to get a cab. The driver tried to divert but Xander was testing a knife for sharpness. They let him off where he wanted. "Thanks, HYDRA dude." He got out, heading inside shaking his head. They all stared at him. "Buffy's heard about a sanity sucking thing near the fallback she's in. Anyone got any ideas before she has Glory flashbacks?" He flopped down at a table. "Andrew wouldn't let me bring Nira to coo at you guys."

The demon dealing the card game stared at him. "Does she think we're pretty, Harris?"

He grinned. "She's mine and Andrew's daughter. So probably."

The demons groaned, and a few paid off bets. The dealer looked at him. "Is she going to be an evil overlord sort?"

"Quite possibly if people don't quit upsetting us." He grinned. "We'll make sure she's a mostly just and kind one though." They all nodded. "Or we'll let her be the first geek president. We haven't decided yet. It might depend on how much she likes making minions."

"She's your daughter. She'll blow kisses and give blowjobs, they'll show up to be her minions without her asking them," another demon complained. Xander smirked at him. "She will. They like girls more than they do even you, Harris."

"I try, guys, but if I had minions there wouldn't be a HYDRA problem," he said dryly. "So, is Glory back? Or does she have some special relatives?"

"We heard it's a coven. They're sucking at people," the bartender called.

"Great. I can handle that if I have to and they can't." They all smirked at him. "Not the first one," he said. "By the way, what did you guys tell the baby daddy?" They all grinned at him. "How much I should say."

"Maybe ten things," one said with a shrug. "He was getting a bit freaked out. Did he adopt out those kittens?"

"Miss Potts did to their staff." They all sighed in displeasure. "Sorry, guys." He shrugged, getting comfy. "Should I worry about what you guys told him?"

"Nothing about what happened in Nigeria," one offered.

"Thanks. That would probably freak him out. He'd try to get Joy from me." They all nodded. "Anyway." He smiled. "Anything we need to know while we're here?"

"Amanda's been crying," one of the demons said. "We think she's had an accident with some demon blood."

"I can pop over to see her." He stood up. "Let me know, guys. We're up here for a few more days probably." They nodded. "Then we'll go back home to fix the shit in Cleveland again." They smiled at him. "Sometimes it happens that humanity is the bad thing. We realize that." He shrugged, leaving to go to the slayer house. The slayer threw open the door when he got nearby, making him stare at her. "Did Buffy ever share how she got to be telepathic for a while?" he asked dryly.

"I read that," she admitted. "We don't know what did it so we can't make the antidote."

"Have you asked?"

"The watchers said so."

"Ask Giles."

"I can't get hold of him."

Xander walked in, dialing him on her phone. "Reggie, Xander Harris. The slayer in New York is having a critical problem and we need Giles' experience with chaos magic to solve it. No, I don't think you can. Just put Giles on before I show up over there to remind people *I'm* second-in-command if he falls, Reggie," he ordered. "And I'll bring the kids to show them how much cooler destruction is." He looked at his nails then took her cellphone to dial someone else. They answered and he walked off talking to him.

He came back to hear Reggie still complaining about him. "Yay, Reggie." On that end, screaming had started but it was girlish screaming. Then Reggie screamed in fear and ran off. "Hey, Hubert, we need Giles," he said. "Amanda got infected by some demon with skills. Thanks. And yeah, please solve the snotty attitude thing again. Otherwise I'll have to bring the kids to teach them how to destroy things. They'll *adore* it. It goes so well with their desire for shiny things," he finished with a grin for the slayer. She was giggling. Giles snatched the phone.

"Thanks, Giles. Amanda got hit by the aspect of a demon thingy and everyone's been telling her to suffer. No, I asked Hubert to deal with the snotty attitude thing again before they tried to bomb me again. Why does Reggie still have a job since he tried to bomb both of us at the New York meeting?" He looked up. "Hey, Hubert, can you eat the spells on him too?" he called. Hubert did and belched. Giles moaned. "Are you back to normal now, Giles?" he asked dryly.

"Yeah, I did. That's fine. You can be mad that I let Hubert fix things. But it was him or me and the kids, Giles. Which did you want to do that? Oh, tell Buffy it's a coven not Glory." He called that. Hubert told him why. Giles yelled for Buffy louder this time. Xander grinned, sitting down. "Hey, my kids *love* shiny things and weapons, Giles. I'll gladly let them come help me destroy things. I'm *sure* they'd love to help me destroy the problems the girls are going to have. Also, why do I need to add three names to the memorial?" Giles spluttered.

"Yeah. I do. Ah, and the spell did what?" he quipped. Giles groaned and asked Hubert, who told him. Giles went off on the other watchers. "Hey, let's hire good people. We could use more good people. More people like us. With sense and skills and can hunt with the girls.... Yeah, those sort. Yup. No, we're hiding in New York with the baby daddy. If those sort try for the kids again I'm going to prove what I did in Africa when necessary, Giles.

"We have some great things. Including that Andrew made a wish for presently unused superhero weapons. Or hey, I could ask to get that staff of rage back. I did good with it during the protection times. Yup. That was me. I can do it again. Sure, you handle it. We'll gladly let you handle it while I do daddy things with Andrew. Well, Nira is *ours*, Giles. We're still deciding if she's going to be an evil overlord sort or the first geek president." Amanda went to the doorway. "Who is it, Amanda?"

"NYPD. They have the house bugged."

"Then they'd better have a warrant and we will let you move houses so they're fully uncovered for pissing us off by harming you. I'll be damned, Amanda. If they have you bugged then they probably knew about the stalker that broke in to try to kill you and haven't done anything. Which means I really need to hunt the little shithead down to kill him for you before he tries again."

She smiled. "I scared him with some help from a poker contact." She stared at the officer. "He's right. There's still a fourth amendment in this country. Frankly, you're making it so I don't really want to protect this city. Why would I want to protect people that let me nearly be raped and killed?" She slammed the door in his face. "Unless it's an emergency I don't care and since I'm presently infected with telepathy I know it's not an emergency." She walked off.

Xander repeated that. "Yeah, you can do that. No, I'll hold off on all destruction as long as you do it for me or someone legal does it for me, Giles. I know this isn't the wilds where I had to defend against militant yahoos with weapons. Or demons. Thanks." He hung up. "He'll get that potion made for you. There's one that's harder on you that'll work no matter what got you. He's also sending over the Council's legal counsel. They're going to talk to people for you." She hugged him. He hugged back. "Let me go stop the kids from destroying Manhattan."

"They'd do a really good job," she said with a grin.

He smirked. "They're my kids. Of course they would. Just think about what I did to that temple I got trapped in by that group who kidnaped me to help them out of there." He stood up. "You behave for the night." She nodded. "Good girl." He kissed her on the forehead. "Let me go spare Andrew. He offered to babysit all five of them. Miss Potts wants to make the kids *normal*." She shuddered. "Yeah, I told her Buffy considered me that way too. I don't think she was amused." He patted her on the cheek, walking outside. He stared at the officer. "Hi, I'm head US Watcher Xander Harris." The man backed up, eyes wide. Xander smiled. "You're bothering our slayer. Is that really legal?"

"There's a demon convention," the officer complained.

"If they're peaceful it's not our business. We only take out the ones that're hunting people or harming people. Otherwise we'd be too damn busy to do anything like sleep and eat. We're also against the obvious discrimination your city has given the local peaceful demon population for simply existing, and in many cases being here first. We didn't like it when you did it to the Native Americans and we don't like it now," he said. "I'm sorry you don't feel special enough but not our job, Officer." He walked off. The guy got in his face. Xander smiled. "Do you really want to do that?"

"I can arrest you."

"And I can sue your asses."

"If you live," he sneered.

Xander smirked. "You do realize we wear body cameras? And the house's security system tapes everything on or near the doorstep?" The officer backed off, still sneering. "Don't worry, we'll be talking to your bosses in a few moments." He looked at his nametag then smiled. "You have a better day, Officer Boyd." He stomped off, getting into his car and driving off calling someone. Amanda handed out the tape. "Thanks. Be safer tonight, okay?"

"I'm going to go see my cousin." She came out, locking the door before walking off. Xander walked off calling someone in the local community. They were aware of the police butthurt feelings. One of the Council's law team, who was slightly demonic, showed up to help him when he called him. He smiled at the borough chief. "Hi, I'm US Head Watcher Xander Harris." The man winced. "We're apparently having a few problems with some of your staff. Including one that just threatened to kill me because I promised that I'd sue him for threatening me when I told him it wasn't our job to take out the peaceful demons so it hurt his feelings. This is one of our lawyers." He smiled. "Can we work out a peace treaty so you quit eavesdropping on the local slayer, yet not responding when she nearly had to kill someone who came in to rape and kill her?"

"I'm not aware of any of that, Mr. Harris."

Xander smiled at the lawyer, who pulled out files. "We have been keeping track for the slayers. You're not the only city with this issue. LA has had a few thanks to their paranoid moments in the spring. Thankfully Connor Angel handled them easier as LA has liaisons for the Council to work with." He handed over files for him. "The one for that incident is about halfway down."

"Our security system from today's event," Xander said, holding up the CD. The borough chief looked them over then called in the city's counsel to help him. Slayers were too important to upset or get hurt. Theirs being hurt would mean the NYPD would have to hunt on their own. No one wanted that. It gave them bad press and even worse officer quitting rates. When the Counsel came in with a background check on the young asshole in front of him, it was enough to make his ulcer act up. No wonder this guy was the head guy on the hellmouth.

***

Xander walked into the tower that night, smiling at the waiting kid in the elevator. "Did you sneak, Arlin?" He grinned, nodding at him. "Good boy sometimes but you have to let people know where you are if you're being babysat." He picked him up to cuddle. "Uncle Rupert said hi."

"Cool!" They went upstairs. "Found him!" he yelled, wiggling down to run off.

Tony leaned out of the kitchen. "The NYPD threatened to kill you?"

"I've had bigger, badder, and worse try," Xander said dryly. "Hell, there's three contracts on my life thanks to militant yahoo groups." He walked in there, hugging the other kids. "I didn't mean to be gone that long but I had to do a peace treaty between the local demon council and the NYPD." He kissed Jesse on the head since he pouted. "Were you good for Andrew?" They all grinned and nodded. He looked at Andrew, who shrugged one-sidedly. "Were they?"

"They were toddlers. They were okay. They napped." He shrugged again and ate a bite of dinner. "Amanda okay?"

"With her cousin tonight. I called one of the lawyers we have on retainer to talk about the officer that threatened to kill me." He rolled his eyes. "They worked things out while I waited. Giles said thank you for saving him a trip and the thing over there is a coven not Glory returned."

"That's great news," Andrew agreed. He handed him a plate, getting a grin and Xander sitting in the free spot one of the kids gave up by climbing up him. "Eat, Xander."

"I am." He cuddled the kids while he ate, letting them steal off his plate while he stole some of theirs. It meant they ate theirs and left him a tiny bit of food.

"No wonder you're losing weight," Pepper said.

He nodded. "They're mooches. I'm still working on that."

Joy belched. "'Scuse me," she chirped.

Xander grinned. "Nice manners, Joyceline. Try not to belch so loudly or do it into a napkin?" She tried that again, forcing out a belch and then excused herself. "Better, thank you," he said with a grin.

"Hoppity and shiny not here, Daddy," she said.

"Did he take your bunny with him?" he asked, looking at Tony and Pepper. She shook her head, rolling her eyes.

"Hoppity's in the washer because Hoppity tried to eat the nasty oil that's bad for him," Tony said.

"Ah. Yeah, oil's not good for bunnies, Joy. It's bad for their bellies, makes them puke like you did when you were sick." She grimaced but pouted and nodded. "I'm sure Hoppity will be better once that's all out of his system. Maybe even by tomorrow." Tony nodded. "So can you curl up with another stuffed friend tonight?"

"Mine," Arlin said firmly, hugging his stuffed wolf.

"We have an extra one for Nira she can borrow," Andrew said. "Nira's too young to sleep with one but Willow got her one anyway." Joy sniffled but nodded. "Good girl." He patted over her hair. "Finish dinner? That way we can do the bath thing?" She stuffed her mouth. Xander grinned at him. "They're usually good for me because they know I don't have your energy, Xander."

"I know, 'Drew. Thank you for being such a great second-daddy."

"You're welcome but the first time some girl thinks I'm your boyfriend I'm going to have to beat your ass with something robotic so I can get the slutty girlfriend sort back."

"Sure, I'll let you try," Xander quipped. He looked down at Jesse, who grinned up at him. "Are you a good boy?" He shook his head. "Why not?"

"He put cheetos in Bucky's arm plates," Pepper said, smiling at them. They were so cute.

"Daddy, me cuddle?" Henry asked.

"Sure. Jesse, switch places with Henry." They did it and he cuddled him. "Were you feeling left out? All you have to do is cuddle me and I'll cuddle back." He kissed him on the back of the head. "You smell like shampoo. Did Uncle Andrew give you a bath already?"

"He helped Hoppity play in the oil," Tony said.

Xander looked at him. "Did you ask first?" He pouted but shook his head. Xander squeezed him. "It's all right, Henry. We'll figure that stuff out together." He nodded, stealing from his father's plate. Xander ate some, he needed dinner. Xander looked at Andrew. "Any news from home?"

"We won't have to rebuild the house. The court case against the idiots who made the kids for us is going well thanks to the new judge being assigned. Others have noted it, getting the name lists we handed over as evidence." He grinned. "They're hopefully arresting most of them instead of laughing at them being caught."

"There's always hope," Xander agreed. "Do we have to appear soon?" Andrew shook his head. "That's fine. Make sure I hear about those things. I don't ever seem to see those or my chores around the house."

"You run the house, that is your chore," Andrew said.

"That's your job."

"No, I run the household side of things. You run the slayer side of things. That's all the chores we need, Xander."

"Okay. Let me know if you need me to fill in somewhere while they're napping." He grinned at him. "Two more years and they go to pre-K a few hours a day."

Andrew nearly squealed and hugged him. "That'll be so cool! All the minis can too!" They nodded at each other.

"Why aren't the minis at a safer house?" Clint asked.

"For the same reason I had to have a demon I know go nearly eat a few of the other watchers earlier," Xander quipped with a grin. "They're assholes. One of them told a slayer suffering a huge problem to suck it up even though it was going to kill her in a few days if it's not solved. We'd like the old line to all die off so the problems end but we're behind on hiring. It's better to have the minis where they can be supported and not raised by the assholes."

Clint nodded. "I can see that. What about a special house just for them?"

"If we had people to protect them, we'd like that," Andrew said. "We talked about a farm that was just for the house's needs. That way all the hoovers had enough veggies to eat. We can't find one we like that could be productive and someone to run it while helping raise the minis safely."

"If a few of the slayers from overseas would retire, they could," Xander said. "They're used to farming for their families. Sahri. Toma, or whatever she changed her name to so she could get away from her relatives." He looked at Andrew with a grin. "A few of the girls in Africa could probably help since they do it at home."

"I'll suggest that to Giles."

"Tell him you came up with it. He's frustrated with me again since I asked Hubert to go eat Reggie for spelling Giles to forget he had nearly bombed me and him during the New York meeting a few months back."

Andrew looked up, rolling his eyes. "I'm sure he'd have hated to be eaten by the naked, seven-foot-tall, puce demon, Xander, but is Hubert really that mean?"

"He's that scary," Xander corrected with a grin. "Which is what was needed. If I was going for deadly I would've asked the Sahara group to pay off their poker debt to me."

Andrew shuddered. "That's a nasty thing to have in holding." Xander just grinned. "Can they finish off HYDRA?"

"Too big."

"Shoot." Nira started to babble at them, making them smile at her. "Aww, you just said dada!" Andrew cooed, pulling her over to cuddle. "That's so great! You spoke! You don't even sound like Spike!" He cooed and cuddled her, letting her babble at him.

Xander patted down her hair. "Good job, Nira. Very good job to speak, sweetheart." He looked at Henry, who grinned up at him. "You guys should help her with that." He grinned and nodded. "Good boy, Henry." He wiggled, leaning over to hug her. She patted him back. "Aww." The other three got up to hug her around Andrew too. "You guys are so great." Joy belched in her brother's ear again, making him growl at her. "Joy, that's not nice. Apologize and go sit down." She pouted but mumbled a 'torry' and went back to her seat. "Thank you. Quit being such a butt to your brothers." She pouted more but oh well. She had brought it on herself.

Pepper pulled her closer to talk to her about behaving like a young lady. She was old enough to learn manners and how to treat people more nicely.

***

Andrew walked into the slayer house first, alone, to make sure it was safe. He knew someone was there, the door had been open. "Hello?" he called. "We're back." Someone came rushing but it was one of the slayers. "Hey, Tabitha. Just you?"

"So far. I drove off a vampire trying to live here. He thought you had crap taste in cookies." She hugged him. "Is Xander all right?"

"He's fine. He's got the kids so he'll be here later." She nodded, walking off. Andrew followed to check his kitchen. That's when he saw the other person. "Not nice to lie, Tabitha."

"Sorry but Willow's right. Xander shouldn't have those kids. They need to be raised by people with sense."

Andrew looked at her, walking off shaking his head. Someone got in his way so he magiced them all, including Tabitha and the two other slayers waiting. He called on the house system. "Giles, me. I just had three slayers here helping HYDRA to try to get the kids. They're presently cats. They quoted Willow. Come rescue them before I lose my shit." He hung up, going to check the rest of the house. Someone had nicely left him dirty laundry. Someone had left a plate with food in their room because it was moldy and had bugs. That got thrown out and the laundry could wait. He texted Xander, who promised he'd deal with them if he had to. Andrew pointed out he had so it was okay. To just be safe with the kids.

***

In DC, Xander held up his phone to the other baby daddy. DiNozzo had demanded that he show up with the kids before going home to make sure it was safer. DiNozzo took the phone to text Andrew to see if he could get names. "Three slayers," Tony said quietly, looking at Xander. "Andrew said they quoted Willow."

"I'm going to kill her and them," Xander said bluntly. "I'm not usually violent but I'm finding the depths of my temper and I will do something really stupid yet effective."

"Let us try first, kid," Gibbs ordered. He took the phone from his senior agent, looking up the names. "Hmm. One is NCIS." He went to talk to his director, who could fix that one's problems once he was human again. She wasn't thrilled but they could handle it. The kids were charming DiNozzo and other agents into being their treat-feeding slaves. They were cute but Harris had his hands full with the little girl. He paused when he heard the growl but then one of the boys burst out crying.

"Joy!" Xander growled. "Sit. Stare at the wall. Don't make me spank. Your Auntie taught you what that was." He pointed. She sniffled, but did as Daddy said. "You know better than to pick on the boys. You aren't the goddess either and I will *not* allow you to turn into Willow. You're going to learn shit, daughter!" She hid in the corner.

Gibbs finished his walk, smiling at the firm fatherhood attempt. The kid had skills. "Director, we have a HYDRA agent. He got caught at the slayer house trying to get control of the children."

"Not in *my* agency," she said, taking the notes.

***

Xander reappeared in Cleveland, smiling at the agents he walked into the office of. "Guys." They stared at him. "We could use you at the slayer house. Andrew's going to turn back the ones that were waiting on us to take the kids."

"Where are the kids?" one asked.

"Gibbs is babysitting tonight." He grinned. "I don't think HYDRA is going to bother him."

"No, none of us like to bother him," one agreed. "Yeah, we can arrest them. Are they human?"

"Cats. And three of them are slayers." They all winced. "Coming?" They nodded, giving him time to get there first. They followed. The two that were HYDRA in hiding took notes. They ended up cats as soon as they came through the doorway.

Andrew leaned out, grinning and waving. "Protections. I just laid them earlier." He leaned back into the kitchen. "Where's my baby, Xander?"

"Gibbs suggested he babysit."

"Awww. He seemed tough and uptight. Maybe Joyceline will learn manners."

"I put her in the corner earlier. She was being a bitch to the boys and trying to turn into Rosenburg. I'll be damned."

Andrew pointed at the caged cats. "I'm missing one and those two that just got changed."

Xander found them, putting them into the cage. The agents took them outside and they changed back with him willing it. The agents got arrested. "No, you take the slayers too," Xander ordered with a point. "They're disgracing their sisters. If you don't take them I'm going to correct them and they'll be proper slayers again soon." They nodded, taking them off too. "Did we call Buffy?" he called into the house.

"Yeah, I called Giles. I'm sure by now he's told her so she can rant, and ranted at Willow since they got the idea from her." He grinned at Xander. "Can't I have the baby yet? I miss being babbled at."

"Call, 'Drew." Andrew dialed Tony's phone, getting him and Gibbs. Xander looked at the agents, who all shook their heads. He grinned. "You have fun. Before I have fun."

"Yeah, we can do that. Did you really walk into a temple and have to destroy it?" one of them asked.

"I've walked into worse but it had to be done. I was asked to help those because they got stuck. Seriously, it wasn't that bad compared to the last hellmouth battle." They shuddered. "Going inside the hellmouth, much worse than anything else. Even if you wanted to piss yourself." He shrugged. "I was there and someone had to handle it."

"Are you going to stop that?"

"If I can but there's not that many watchers left that aren't assholes who hate the girls. Until we get more, I can't do it. Someone has to help the girls." He shrugged. "Andrew's not able to do that."

"I get that," the agent agreed. "Some of us would if we could get there."

"We send out announcements," Andrew called. "Show up."

"I can look for those. Do we get them?"

"Homeland and the mayor," Xander said. "They demanded."

"Include us," another agent ordered with a smile. "We'd like to help." Xander nodded. "Thanks, Harris." They took their idiots back with them.

Xander walked inside. "They close?"

"About an hour. Can you check the rest of the house?" Xander nodded, going to do that. He brought down the laundry and took the stuff out of the dryer to fold for him too. When the kids got there, Tony and Gibbs carried them in, with Nira being cuddled between Arlin and Gibb's chests. Andrew plucked her from them to cuddle. The other four got put down in their beds thanks to Xander taking them from the uncle. Then they came down to the kitchen to have a meeting. They had to figure out how to do things so the kids were safer. Gibbs didn't like that lawsuit against the scientists but it was probably helping find them all so they could be eliminated.

***

The new judge over the lawsuit stared at the gathered people. "I will make a note about needing new versions of anything submitted," the judge announced. "The last file was compromised heavily and some was burned." The lawyers nodded. "I'll give at least a week for them to reappear please."

"Your Honor, my clients think that since they're asking for child support then they should have visitation," the slimy lawyer said.

"As far as I've seen there's no biological relation," the other lawyer said. He looked at the things they had. "No, no stated biological relationship, Your Honor."

"Did any of the parties mentioned donate sperm specifically for children?" the judge asked.

"No, Your Honor," Xander said. "I was not aware that they had sperm samples of mine from my teenage years. I've never donated to a bank either. I have no idea how they got the donated samples they used since it doesn't show the biological contamination I got when I was late seventeen." The judge grimaced. "We had someone check, I have DNA workups from the current problem. They looked at the children. There was no way for them to fully unwarp it but the children show no warping by it." He handed that to his lawyer. "That DNA workup was done by a well known specialist in fertility in London."

The judge accepted the papers to look over. "What caused this?"

"A swim coach that wanted to win really hard so he was exposing the team to mermaid DNA." He grinned. "I joined the team to see why they were becoming monsters that ate some other students."

The judge grimaced. "Like the Disney..." Xander pulled out the classification manual he had to show him the pictures. "Oh, I see. That's...kind of disgusting. Was that coach arrested?"

"They ate him."

"Oh, charming." He handed the manual back so Xander could put it back up. "Just casual reading?" Xander nodded. "You live a very weird life." Xander grinned. "Are the children safe?"

"Yes. They're actually in the hallway annoying an unofficial aunt."

"Bring them in please. We can protect them from the scientists." Xander walked out to bring them in. "That's a nice stroller."

"Expensive but handy," Xander said. "Especially when we go to the z-o-o."

"I can see why." He let the kids sit next to their fathers and the 'aunt' sit behind them. "They look healthy?" Xander nodded. "Do we have medical records? I know they'll ask anyway."

Andrew handed over a packet. "Nothing that they could use to study them but recent records like shots."

The judge looked it over. "Enough to make sure they're healthy but not full records."

"The doctor's office said they were hacked anyway," Xander said. "He scowled at us for it. Thankfully they don't care about his other patients."

The judge nodded. "I can see that being a problem. All right, we have the workups for the children's DNA so we know real parents." They nodded. "The other parents?"

"They were informed of the suit but weren't sure if they'd be joining or not," the good lawyer said. "In one case, the child's not known about by everyone for their own safety."

"Stark won't do anything," the other lawyer sneered.

Buffy looked at him. "I know how to slay your species," she noted with a grin. "Don't sneer at my nephews and nieces." The demon backed away from her. She crossed her arms over her chest. "Your Honor, may I?" He nodded, waving a hand. She stood up. "While some of us at the Council were concerned about what sort of parent Xander would be, we've been really surprised he's been such a great parent. A scary parent but a great parent who was pushed to be scary. Even Willow's admitted that she was wrong about Xander being a guy so therefore unable to be a parent."

"There are plenty of single fathers in the world, Miss Summers."

"Some of us are very sure that Xander's pushing himself and doing things he shouldn't." Xander looked up and sighed. "You do. And don't think I didn't hear about that temple."

Xander looked at her. "Were you there? I was there and I handled it and it still wasn't anything worse than the battle with the First." She shuddered. "Beyond that, we've defeated all the kidnaping for their own good plans, even by my friends, Your Honor."

"We're all really pleased how good of a parent he is. Even the butthole oldline watchers who want to get rid of Xander because he tells the girls about free will and making decisions for themselves like him as a parent so the kids will hopefully be more sane future watchers," Buffy said. "Even Willow's agreed that the kids are well taken care of and all that. He won't let us babysit." Xander shook his head. "But we understand why." She hugged Xander around the neck then Andrew. "Also the three slayers that were helping have been confined pending a Council trial. We have no idea what we're going to do with them yet but they're in deep doodoo over trying to hand the kids to HYDRA thanks to Willow's complaints."

"That's good to know, Miss Summers. Does he let you babysit often?"

"No. I'm not usually allowed with the kids by myself. I really don't understand kids." She shrugged a bit. "They're scary, Your Honor. We support him being a good daddy but kids scare most of us."

"I can see that. Thank you for that statement on their behalf." She sat down with a smile. He looked at Xander's lawyer. "The other fathers?"

"I gave them the option to join, Your Honor. They have the pertinent paperwork if they want to join. Three of the other parents of the other sets of children have gotten an attorney to look at a class action situation."

"I thought that might happen in this case since there's so many parents." He looked at the kids. "What did you do to wear them out?"

Buffy smiled. "I read the boring manual to them, Your Honor. It's really boring and it puts all slayers to sleep too." The judge smiled at that. "Nira's just nappy because she's a growing baby."

"Kids her age often are," the lawyer agreed.

The judge nodded, looking at the other lawyer. "Prove to me it's in their best interests for the scientists to gain records about them."

"We can help them when they start to show a genetic instability. One of the scientists wasn't sure if they'd do that quickly or not."

"Not according to the DNA workup the doctors did for us," Xander said. "I had that problem looked at in case anything of mine, like the radiation warping I have from the hellmouth I grew up on came out in them. That should be in the files we handed over."

The judge looked, nodding. "I do see that. They show no genetic instability. No nutritional instability." He looked up. "The doctor noted that there's no chromosomal damage of any kind or anything expected to crop up short of someone tampering again." He let the HYDRA lawyer see that report. "What do they think they did to the children's future?"

"There's a report stating that they tried to create one that would mean the children would have to rely on them for their future health and well being so they were loyal," the lawyer said, handing that over.

The judge looked at it, letting Xander's lawyer have it. "No, Your Honor, they discounted something. This may be something that the other children that aren't Xander's will have to worry about. His DNA has a warping capability. That's why he didn't change before they could detox the mermaid taint from him and it just got absorbed. There's thoughts that it's from the hellmouth radiation he sucked up. We have information that a past possession was only absorbed instead of warping him as it did others." He handed over that report. "I asked Mr. Stark to have someone look at his DNA for that possible thought. Especially since Mr. Harris once got a disease after falling into a burial chamber thanks to the ghosts in it."

The judge blinked at them. "He got a disease from a *ghost*?" he demanded. Xander held up two fingers. "Seriously?"

Xander pulled out his phone to get into a file he had been sent. "The top three are all from that incident but I keep that classified because there's people who'd like to test that, Your Honor." He let his phone be handed over.

The judge looked then groaned. "Dead strains. No contact with the bone shards?"

"No."

The judge handed the phone back. "That's really weird. Was that before or after they got the sperm samples?"

"After," Xander said. "That was two years after graduation, Your Honor, while we were dealing with the remains of a classified military project that was torturing demons." The judge held up a hand. "We think some of them were HYDRA and that's the only way I could figure out they took sperm samples somehow. Not that I'm aware of any blackout times but they had been in the town for over ten years at that time. As I was a virgin when that sample had to be taken... That's the only way we figured it could've happened."

The judge nodded. "That's a good thought. To be blunt, no chance at home of masturbation remains?"

"No, Your Honor. My parents were really horrid drunks. That sort of noise would've made my life a living hell."

The judge nodded. "That makes a lot of sense. They'd probably have picked on you or things." He considered it. "So..." He looked at the HYDRA lawyers. "How did you get his samples?"

"The scientists already had it in testing, Your Honor."

Xander looked over. "Because I was helping Buffy? Were they Council or were they Initiative?"

"I'm not aware of that," the lawyer said.

"You can and will answer," the judge told the scientists sitting beside their lawyer. "Or I will subpoena the records." They stayed silent. "That's fine. They are hereby subpoenaed." He wrote out that order for the bailiff to hand over. "By this weekend, gentlemen. As you used the sperm of an underage person that adds criminal felony charges to this already messy situation. I want to know if I have to send this to another judicial bench as well. Mr. Wells, did you donate to a sperm bank?"

"Twice, Your Honor, for cash. I was told I was denied the second time." The judge nodded. "I'd have the letter they sent me but it's in the bottom of the hellmouth as far as I know."

"Many men do," the judge said. "Do you remember why they denied you?"

"I was told I had a chromosomal anomaly. I was not told which one and when I had it tested they couldn't find one." He handed over those records. "I recently had that tested just in case. Mine and Nira's tests both came up clean for that."

The judge looked at it. "I have spent a bit of time looking all of you up for this hearing. Would something like any unusual skills you have count perhaps?"

"Magic is in the blood, not the DNA, though the gift can run in families," Andrew said.

"Your parents?"

"Not that I'm aware of but my brother did before he died thanks to using black magic and creating problems. His hellhounds ate him."

The judge grimaced. "Eww."

Buffy nodded. "A lot." The judge looked at her. "I'm kind of the reason they turned on him."

"Oh. All right." He looked those reports over. "It appears Nira's a healthy little child as well." He put them aside, looking at the HYDRA lawyers. "Mr. Harris has a good case that you raped him," he noted. "As he did not donate anywhere it was stolen from him."

"We have no information on that, Your Honor. He was a young teenager. He could have done it for money."

"First, you have to be eighteen to legally donate," Xander said. "I was seventeen when my DNA was warped that way. Also my girlfriend at the time, when I came back from my road trip after high school, was a former vengeance demon, Your Honor. If I had donated, she would've claimed that as scorning her to get her old job back. I wouldn't be here if that were true," he finished blandly. "She was the vengeance demon for women scorned for over a millennia. I'm pretty sure she would've done horrible things to me."

The judge stared at him. "Have many of your dates been that way?"

"Many of them still are," Xander said with a smile. "But the only ones I'd date now would have to love my kids as well as being able to help themselves if we're attacked by demons during the date."

The judge nodded. "I think that may be a reasonable worry," the judge said. He looked at the HYDRA lawyers. "It appears there's no way for you to have legitimately gotten his sperm. That would bring in a rape charge of an underage male. What is California's legal age?"

"Seventeen if within three years, eighteen otherwise," Andrew said.

The judge made note of that. "I'm fairly certain that there was more of an age gap than that."

"He probably had other girlfriends," the HYDRA lawyer sneered at them.

"Yes, I had a science teacher that turned out to be a shape shifting demon who wanted me to fertilize her eggs," Xander said. "She didn't get beyond locking me in a cage for later use. There was the reanimated mummy that just really wanted a life, and I felt really sorry for her, but I didn't even get to kiss her. I made her choose to try to kill me instead of Buffy and she couldn't. I had a girlfriend that I groped with in closets but we didn't get beyond boob and hand groping and I never got off with her. My first time was with a young woman of my own age during a horrible night that nearly got the whole town sunk. She was post-incident hot and knocked me down. I doubt she shared anything from that, we didn't use a condom, and she kicked me out after the ten minutes it took. The only other time I went to her, to try to help her, she just choked me." The lawyer slumped. "Other than that, until my prom, which was after the swim team, that was all I got. Not like I was going to sleep with a vampire, which was about a fifth of the town's population."

The lawyer blinked. "Who was the young lady? We may have her."

"I doubt it since she's Council associated," Xander said dryly.

"Your Honor, make him name her," the lawyer said.

"A real man doesn't need to," Xander said. "It's not polite and I'd have to ask her first."

"Ask her," the judge ordered. "In case it's reasonable."

"I doubt it is." He sent her a text message, getting a groan and a try not to back. He let the judge see the phone.

"Oh, I see why." He handed it back. "Was she on the wrong side? I remember something about that."

"That was about the former mayor, he had been around when they were active the first time, and I'm pretty sure the former mayor thought they were pussies since he was working toward and ascension. I was good as a sacrifice if he had known but he didn't and he's been dead since he got blown up during our graduation."

"Can he prove that?" the HYDRA lawyer demanded.

Buffy and Andrew both looked up the footage. "Mine's a better picture," Andrew said quietly, handing it to the judge. He had it broadcast on the in-court monitor.

"Oh my fucking god," one of the HYDRA scientists muttered, crossing herself.

"I'm pretty sure the only HYDRA thing that might've gotten his attention was Loki if he had been around then and HYDRA had taken his staff from SHIELD," Xander said dryly. "If Loki were here I'd ask him if he was aware of HYDRA. I doubt he was as it was in the way of his plans to take over humanity."

The judge shut off the replay, handing the phone back to Andrew. "That was disgusting."

"That was our graduation, Your Honor," Andrew said.

"I saw you there, Mr. Wells, the same as I saw Mr. Harris and Miss Summers, plus a few other notable Council people." He sipped some water. "Is that possible again?"

"There's a guy in Cypriot trying," Xander said. "I warned some people in Istanbul when I was there. Including the local slayer."

The judge smiled. "GOOD!"

"We let the military handle the one when HYDRA came into the open, because I found out too late to stop them beforehand. I would've been there but we had to go into hiding to protect ourselves a few days earlier."

The judge sipped more water. "That's still disgusting."

"He worked for ninety years for that," Andrew said. "He had Sunnydale built as the demon attracting city it was."

The judge nodded. "You guys do insane things."

Xander nodded. "Because we're there and we have to," he agreed. "No one little girl should have to do that by herself. Even if they hadn't taken a friend I'm not the sort to have let Buffy do it by herself like the Council wanted."

The judge pointed at the blank monitor. "Was that the worst battle?"

"No," Xander said more quietly. "The Battle of the First was. I've been in some bad ones but that one was the top of my worst list." He leaned on the table. "I hope I never have to go into another battle ever again where we're outnumbered by thousands inside a small pocket dimension where we have to fight our way in then fight our way back out after bleeding on an altar. I hope I never have to do it again with about twenty people who were mostly just barely called slayers with no battle experience and a few civilians like me who had fought for a while."

"Was that the one that sank Sunnydale?" the judge asked.

Xander nodded. "It was. The town was sucked into the old hellmouth thanks to Spike closing the seal for good." He swallowed. "That's still the one that gives me nightmares. Even above graduation and a lot of other problems I saw in Africa."

The judge stared at him. "How did you survive that?"

Xander snorted a bit, smiling at him. "There's plenty of days I think this is my version of hell and I died in that battle." Buffy slapped him hard on the shoulder. "Then again I'm reminded many times that I'm not dead because not even demons can torment me like some of my friends."

The judge tried not to smile. "At least you don't let it ruin you." He looked at the HYDRA lawyers. "We'll be taking motions for the next week."

"He still needs to name his first time, Your Honor."

"He told me, you don't need to know," the judge said. "Needless to say, I doubt she was bad then." They groaned. "Or now." He banged his gavel. "I'm going to close out today's session. You have a week to make motions. Do tell that other group to file with me if they want to make this a class action suit so we can decide on that as well," he noted.

"Your Honor, one question," Xander said. "The need for self defense against the HYDRA idiots pretending to be agents?"

The judge looked at them then at him. "Less to arrest but try to be non-lethal. If they're doing this they're not really agents of the US, even if their bosses haven't found them out yet." He got up and walked off.

Xander looked at the kids then at Buffy. "Did you give them benadryl or something?"

"Candy." She smiled. "Since they're not hyper on it like you are."

"Ah. Great, growth spurts. More shopping," he sighed. He got up, letting Andrew steal the stroller from him. "Okay, you can push." He looked at Buffy, who led the way out with the lawyer behind them. When an agent came jogging up to them, Xander put a hand on his magically concealed weapon, smiling at him. "Yes, Agent...."

"Donaldson, sir. NCIS."

"Yes, I've seen your name recently," Xander said. The guy blinked. Xander stared back. "Huge problems?"

"Do you know where Gibbs is?"

"The last I knew he was in DC last night. I talked to Tony because his son wanted to babble at him about the bears."

"He appears to be missing."

"Is it demonic in nature?" Buffy asked. "If not, why ask someone without magic at the Council?"

The agent looked at her. "We aren't sure it's not related or a ploy to get him into the open, ma'am."

"I'm Buffy Summers, thank you." The agent shifted away from her. She looked at Andrew. "Can you do a finding?"

"I'd need something of his. Where's the rest of his team? Can't they find him?"

"They're locked in the office for their own safety," Agent Donaldson said.

Xander pulled out his phone, calling someone as he walked off. "Hey Abby, we have an Agent Donaldson here asking to see if we've heard anything about someone taking Gibbs." He turned, throwing a dagger at the feet of the agent bent over his children. "Get away from my kids please. I'm highly paranoid. Especially since your last name was on the list of HYDRA agents."

"I'm cooing at the fussy one, Mr. Harris, and please don't threaten agents." He straightened up.

Xander stared at him. "I had to take out three last night that tried to sneak into the house. Do you think I care who they are if they come near my kid?" He listened to Abby. "Hmm. Abby said you're not an agent there." The guy pulled a gun. Xander and Andrew both pulled laser guns. "Mine's better." He listened to Abby babble and her tell him that there were agents coming. "Great. Thanks, Abby." He hung up, putting his phone back in his pocket. "Buffy, please take the kids to the car." She nodded, walking off with the stroller. Xander moved closer. "So, you came near my kids."

"They're ours, Harris. We made them."

"They're mine, you used my DNA. I didn't want kids originally but now they're mine to raise. You're not getting near my kids. I'll blow up this whole universe first. And yes, I can find something to do that or make a deal to do that." He stared at him. "Clear enough statement of intent?" The agent smirked, pulling out cuffs. "You're not an agent. You can't arrest me. Beyond that, it's all on tape."

"We have the tape. It'll show whatever we want it to show."

"Great," Andrew said. "Hey, Bob, I need that thingy now please," he called, looking up. He put the laser weapon up. A shiny gold staff fell into his hands. "Thanks, Bob. Love you dearly, dude." He tapped it on the ground, staring at the guy. "Don't think I can't use it. I have magic and it likes me. It liked Xander too."

"That's... that's Loki's staff," Agent Donaldson said, backing away slowly.

"Actually it's Thanos's staff, Loki was just bumming," Xander quipped with a grin. "I used it to protect the slayers when you guys came out of hiding. Andrew can probably use it just as well as I can and remember, he used to be a villain." He smiled at the agents rushing their way. "Get him out of my face. He tried to get my kids." They nodded, pulling the former agent away. The agents looked at Andrew.

"They're threatening my daughter. Unlike Xander, I don't have to pull out massive weapons. I have skills, guys." He walked off, taking the staff with him.

Xander grinned. "It's a very nice staff. I liked holding it a lot to protect the slayers when all this started."

"How?" one of the agents asked, nearly crying.

"I took it from HYDRA. They took it from SHIELD." He grinned. "It's a sweet thing, really loved the kids. Even changed diapers once when I was really tired." He walked off. "You have fun with them before one of us has to destroy everyone to get rid of the plague they're carrying." He shot them a look. "Or I could ask a contact to make that for me." He gave an agent a pointed look, making him go pale. "I can find something nasty. Not that hard on some demon realms and no human meds would work." He grinned. "Don't come near my kids. I'll go ancient warrior pissed off on you guys." He fired on the guy who was threatening Buffy and the kids with a gun. "Huh, I have the laser turned up too high," he said at the new pile of ashes. "I have to figure out how to turn it down later." He looked at Andrew. "Where's the down knob again?"

"The twisty knob near the grip." He switched the staff for the gun to turn down for him, then they switched back. They got the kids into the car, with Buffy squeezing in, then went home.

"You made them go to world ending violence," someone shouted, then hit Donaldson hard. "You're going to make them destroy everyone! The head of HYDRA will not be pleased! He ordered us to be subtle!" He hit him again.

"Hey," another agent said. "I didn't know you were HYDRA." One of them tried to shoot him but a lightening bolt came down to fry the shooter.

"Not like Andrew's the only magic user in the world," Willow said, staring at them. "Speaking as someone who nearly destroyed humanity once, stop it. Before I go there again." They backed away from her. "Good boys. Now, go be pets somewhere else before I have a new herd of gerbils for the younger slayers to take care of." They fled. She smiled, going back to the house. Even if Xander and Andrew wouldn't let her near the kids.

***

Stark showed up in Cleveland, staring at the guy who answered the door. "Give the staff back to Thor, Andrew."

"It's protecting the kids from HYDRA. I'm not going to take over the world. Way too much work and I don't have minions." He walked off. "You can come play with them. They're bored and whiny today." He went back to the kitchen.

"Thor said the staff could corrupt you."

Andrew grinned. "Unlike Loki, I don't have the anger at daddy issue." He patted it then got back to work on his cake mix. "We're having cake after dinner."

"That's nice of you." He stared at him. "What if it prompts you to do something rash, Andrew?"

"Then Xander will kick my ass," he said bluntly. He smiled at Xander when he strolled in, the kids behind him. "The cake's not done yet."

"Cookies?" Jesse demanded, staring up at him. "We good."

"You try really hard to be good," Andrew agreed. "All we have are oreos." He pointed so Xander got some down. The few slayers in the house came in to get some of their own then ran before the kids could beg them for some of theirs.

"Yo, miss anorexic, you're eating dinner and having thirds," Xander called after her. "Before I drop a feeding tube and force feed you bacon!"

"Eww, don't threaten me with meat, Xander!"

"I don't care if you are vegan, I can see every damn bone in your body!" Xander yelled after her. "Either you put back on that twenty pounds or I'm going to force feed you every single greasy meat product I can until you do!"

"Buffy!" she whined.

"Put back on the weight so he doesn't nag or force feed you, Stella," Buffy said from the office area. "You know he's a guy and they're like that."

"She's an unhealthy skeleton. I'd better see weight gain, healthy weight gain, or else I'm admitting her to an eating disorder clinic," Xander called. "She has a week to show improvement and I'm telling our doctor!"

"Fine!" she shouted, slamming a door. "I'll use my allowance to order a cheesless veggie pizza and eat it all myself!" She huffed off.

Xander smiled at Andrew. "Can you babysit?"

"Yup. Have fun with that."

"Great fun. Yay, doctors trip." He grinned at Stark. "Let me have her admitted somewhere they can force food down her throat." He walked off, grabbing Stella and carrying her to the car. She struggled but he nerve pinched her and forced her into the seat. He drove them to the ER, getting out and hauling her inside. She struggled but yay. He smiled at the nurse. "This is a young slayer. She's fifteen. I think you can see the worry going on about her health."

The nurse looked at her then at him. "Has she been purging?"

"No. She's turned vegan. She's down to under two thousand calories a day. Slayers need about seven thousand a day if they're patrol cleared, which she isn't. She's still losing at least two pounds a week. I warned her. She gave me lip. We need to see if she can be admitted to the eating disorder program and I can't figure out how to get her there."

"They admit a lot through the ER's. Let me get her checked in." Stella tried to huff off but Xander calmly knocked her out again with a smile for the nurse. "You are very firm."

"Yup. She's fifteen. It was this or kicking her ass to prove to her that it's hurting her health. She's down to about ninety pounds."

"We'll weigh her when we check her over. Do you know anything about her home meals?"

"Very little. She mouthed off when I ordered her to put on weight and said she'd order a pizza to eat herself. I threatened her with every greasy meat known to humankind."

The nurse smiled. "That's a very parental thing to do. It'll be a short wait, sir."

"Thanks." He got her to a chair and kept her there when she woke back up. She huffed but oh well. When they got called back, Xander picked her up and carried her over his shoulder. The nurse wasn't amused but yay. He put her in front of the scale and pointed. "Now." She glared. "I can knock your ass out again. Do you want me to ask for a psych consult too since you're suicidal?" She stepped on the scale, letting the nurse make notes. He grinned at her. "She's fifteen. She just went vegan, dropped at least three thousand calories below what a slayer needs every day, and she's been losing at least two pounds a week from a slightly underweight state before then. Was that eight-five?"

"It was eighty-seven. At her height that is a dangerous weight."

"Which is why I dragged her in," Xander quipped. "She argued. I threatened to force feed her meat."

The nurse smiled as she took them to a room. "That's a horrible punishment for a vegan."

"It's her health or her conscience about meat. I'll knock her into a psych hospital if she sacrifices her health because she won't eat a cow."

"I can agree with that. I'll get the eating disorder doctor down, and he is a psychologist."

"Great." Xander smiled. "That could help too. I've seen plenty of fifteen-year-old girls who went vegan who didn't have these problems. Even slayers. The one in China is vegetarian and doesn't have this problem."

The nurse looked at the girl. "At least he does care. Even if he's a bit pushy."

Xander looked at her. "It's you fix it here or I'm sending you to Devon. Let's see what the vegetarian witches help you with," he offered with an evil smirk.

"Don't threaten me with the cranky old lady baking society," she pouted, sulking some. "That's mean, Xander."

"Yup, sure is. Here or there, Stella."

"Here."

"Thank you! Before we have to bury your ass."

"Fine. Whatever!"

"Good." He grinned at the nurse again. "See, she even agrees." The nurse nodded, walking off making notes on her tablet. The doctor was going to be very amused. He was reading the notes as he walked in. "Slayers need more calories. They have really high metabolisms. The slayers on active patrol don't lose weight if they're eating about seven thousand calories a day. This one has been steadily losing weight. Either she's suicidal or she's just bad to herself." He pulled her shirt up, making her try to push it back down. "I'm not exposing you. Quit." He pointed at the rib bones. "I shouldn't be able to see that and she shouldn't be eighty-seven pounds."

"No, she shouldn't be. Though that is a very high calorie index."

"Buffy eats at least eight thousand a day," Xander said. "Faith does about the same. The younger patrol cleared girls have to eat at least six and a half to maintain weight and most of them are going for fashionably thin, which was where she was before she decided to go vegan suddenly and threw her health into the crapper. I tried to get her into the eating disorder clinic the regular way."

"He threatened me with meat," she complained.

"Yup. You gain that weight back or I'm going to drop an NG tube and I'm going to feed you pulverized meat products until you gain that back." He stared at her. "I'm not going to let you commit suicide by tofu."

"I can live on tofu."

"No one can live on tofu alone."

"Shanda does."

"Shanda eats about five thousand calories a day. She's half a foot shorter than you, and she's at her correct weight when she's not sick. Which she is a lot because she's not getting the nutrients she needs like protein. Beyond that, you're not Shanda. You're Stella. Stella's body needs different things than Shanda's. Especially since Stella is nearly five-six and Shanda is barely five foot." He stared at her. "Andrew's already made you a psych appointment. Even Giles did the glasses cleaning over your weight, young lady." She moaned. "Your choices are to get it fixed here or I'm sending you to Devon for the witches to mentor. I'm sure you'll adore having all the old ladies treating you like a granddaughter."

"No. Please don't!" she whined.

Xander smiled and pointed at the doctor. "Then talk to him."

She pouted at him. "Can't I live on tofu?"

"Single ingredient diets are bad for you," the doctor said. "Let's go over what you've eaten today."

"I had all natural vegan granola this morning."

"How much?"

"A serving size."

Xander squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head. "You can't eat like normal girls."

"I can so."

Xander looked at the doctor. "She has to eat like guys with the super soldier serum do."

"I've seen some work on the metabolism of slayers. We can do some bloodwork to test how bad her body is right now if you'd like."

Xander nodded. "Yes please." He looked at her. "Lunch?"

"Protein shake?"

"Where can I get her some water or juice?" he asked.

"We can get her some water. She might be a bit dehydrated so it'll be harder to draw blood." He got the nurse to get her some water while he drew the blood for her. Then he settled in to talk to her about why she wanted to be so skinny. She wanted to be like the other normal girls and she was having problems fitting in with her friends. Xander took her phone to text one, who sent back a message that they weren't picking on her about her food needs, but a few of the cheerleaders had.

He held up the message, making her groan and admit to it. So he sent back one about her being in the hospital for eating problems and her weight issues. He also said he'd have some help for that issue the next day when he came in to embarrass one of the slayers in an upper year. He sent a message to said slayer, who sighed but agreed if only to help Stella. She had tried to pressure the slutty cheerleader society, as she put it, but they were marshmallow brained.

***

Xander walked into the school the next day at lunch time, smiling at the receptionist. "I need to fix a bullying problem so I'm dropping off lunch. By the way, this is Stella's medical excuse. She's in an eating disorder program." He handed that over. "Let me bring Amanda her lunch?"

"Sure, Mr. Harris. How are the babies?"

"They're good today. They were helpful all morning so they're probably driving Andrew nuts right now. It seems to be how toddlers are." She laughed but nodded. He headed back to the cafeteria, heading right to Amanda. He dropped a kiss on her head. "Andrew's updated the slayer eating guidelines with the help of the eating disorder doctor. This is what you need to tell the health teacher or the school nurse." He handed over that note. "He said we do pretty good but you guys can eat more carbs for energy than the protein we've been pushing on you unless there's an injury. So now it's two grand of calories of protein, three grand of carbs in some form that should be mostly veggies, and another two grand at least of things that aren't twinkies or other sweets. You should only have a grand of sweets calories a day."

"So...lasagna for dinner?" she guessed with a smile.

"Veggie lasagna new recipe to try for lunch. Plus a few sweets." He winked and walked off. "Pick up Stella's homework for her please. She's bored in the hospital bed."

"I can do that after classes. Thanks, Xander." She looked over the notes, showing her friends. "Wow, I'm supposed to be having at least six thousand a day and closer to seven or eight if I'm working out or patrolling. I'm going to be nibbling most of the time." She sighed but pulled out her personal slayer sized lasagna, letting them taste test it. "Andrew does a really good job with our needs."

She dug in. The health teacher came over so she let her see the notes. "The house had a long talk yesterday after Xander forced Stella to the ER thanks to her being eighty-seven pounds. The eating disorder doc worked with him on our calorie needs. I've been about six hundred under I think. That's why I lost a dress size last month." She dug in again.

"I had no idea you girls' metabolism was that high," she said, looking at the lasagna. "Though I had noticed Stella had lost weight." She nodded, eating another bite. "Oh, dear. Is she going to be in there too long?"

"She wanted to go vegan. Xander threatened to forcefeed her bacon if she didn't fix it." She grinned before eating another bite. "He got real upset about her weight loss."

"I can see why. Eighty-seven pounds at her height is too little." She went back over it. "We'll figure out how you can work in a snack."

Amanda shook her head. "I'm not on patrol right now so I'm okay. I have one when I get home, then dinner then a later tv nibbling snack so I'm okay usually. I just have to be aware of the sweets intake and things. Maybe add dips to my veggies at night."

"That's an easy way to add calories."

Amanda grinned, pulling out her cookies. "With the kids in the house, Andrew's been baking most every day." She shared one with her, earning a smile. "It's got oats and healthy stuff like flax seeds in it but it's still cookies."

"That's a good idea." She went to make notes for the nurse. They had all worried about Stella's health. Clearly she had proactive, firm people raising her.

Amanda dug back in, grinning at her friends. "Go ahead and steal one." They did, going back to their lunches. Amanda finished hers just before the bell rang, carrying her cookies for between classes nibbling. The cheerleaders were sneering but oh well. They had to watch what they ate because they wanted to be skinny things that had supposed breasts. They really needed to make up their minds since women's bodies didn't work that way.

***

Stark stomped back into the tower, shaking his head at Thor. "It's not giving him any bad ideas but he won't give it up until HYDRA is far away from the kids. Xander's taken it from him a few times to use on the ones sneaking in but Andrew's taken it back and used it to defeat a lot more enemies. The local peaceful community down there is taking bets about Andrew becoming an overlord sort again."

"Again?" Steve Rogers asked.

"Apparently he was part of an evil geek trio but they thought he was too soft so kicked him out," Stark said, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. "So he's honoring the one of the other two that he still likes by doing it better than he had with a magical book that made him really interesting and wanted by everyone. Buffy told me about it." He flopped down with a sigh. "The daughter thing came out. Reporters shouted at me outside the building."

Steve nodded. "You couldn't hide it forever, Tony."

"I know but it's not good for her to have all that attention on her."

Steve nodded. "You managed."

"I didn't see a reporter until I was seven. They had one run up to them at the zoo and Xander pulled a gun on them. They slowly backed off and told him they were a reporter. So he quipped about them being third on his elimination list." He stretched his neck up, smiling when Pepper came off the elevator. "They found out."

"I've answered a few questions. Is she all right?"

"He got through to her about picking on the boys. Now she'll do it but won't let anyone else. She's learned to like the corner. She'll head there now at the first scowl." Pepper sighed, sitting beside him. "Xander threatened to eliminate reporters as soon as he was done with HYDRA and higher demons with plots."

"Good. I could help with that."

He grinned at her. "Arlin flashed his ass at them from the front door until Andrew dragged him inside to sit in the corner. Said he was giving Nira bad ideas."

She nodded. "Probably." She smiled. "Any luck on the staff?"

"No. They're right, it's keeping HYDRA from the kids. It seems to really like Xander and Andrew. Willow tried to touch it but it gave her a nosebleed and migraine."

"What if Loki gets free and comes for it?" she asked.

"I'm pretty sure Andrew could confuse him to the point where he gives up and stomps off like a little girl," Tony quipped with a grin for her. "He nearly did it to me." She rolled her eyes. "Xander wanted suggestions about school stuff and how to start them reading so they're not behind."

"I can see if we have someone who knows about home schooling. Is he?"

"Probably not. The slayers go to regular schools but Xander admitted he had a slight learning disability that made his life a *charming* hell as he put it." They shared a look. "Beyond his attention span issues." She huffed but nodded. "So I'm guessing he's worried about that. Though Andrew did perk up at the fact that Nira would be the last little kid in the house so four years from now they'd have the house to themselves all day to deal with things."

"Those poor men," she said. "How many mini slayers were there?"

"Three tiny ones in cribs. One just started to walk and climb while I was there. She climbed in the armory and nearly killed herself by knocking over a rack of swords onto herself when she wobbled." Pepper shuddered. "She kept saying she wanted to pet them."

Pepper nodded. "That's weird. Joy needs more time with us."

"We're more than welcome to babysit," he reminded her with a smile. "Or possibly help them find someone to do just the childcare stuff for the next few years. One of the bigger slayers is pregnant with twins. They're not sure if she's going to be taking time off for mommy time or not. A few haven't and went back on patrol as soon as they were fit."

"I can look at nanny agencies. I'm not sure how we'd make sure they weren't HYDRA."

"We'd have to make sure that they were okay with them being future slayers," Steve said. "Not everyone would like to help the girls grow up to be great slayers."

"True," Pepper agreed. "I hate it for the girls."

"They all hate it for the girls," Tony said. "The same as we all do but we can't take that from them because some higher power decided to call them."

"I'm hoping someone like Thor can find them and kick them," Pepper said. Tony nodded. "Are they okay otherwise?"

"The few slayers that're back there are amused with the kids. Especially when Henry sneaks into their rooms to get hugs with books he begs them to read when he wakes them up while climbing in with them. Xander's been trying to break that bad habit."

Pepper nodded. "That's a bad habit to get into. Why doesn't Henry climb in with him?"

"He does. He does it later in the night." Tony and she shared a look. "He's a wanderer."

"Poor kid. He'll never sleep." Steve laughed, shaking his head. "Any news on the lawsuit?"

"The judge wanted to us to join and possibly make it a class action lawsuit."

"Are we?" Pepper asked. Tony nodded. "I'll get our legal department on it to help the ones they picked."

"I'm wondering if HYDRA realizes they hired evil demonic lawyers," Tony said dryly with a grin. "Known demonic ones that used to work for the group that helped the LA invasion." Steve moaned. Tony smirked at him. "From what research the Council had, they ask for souls on all employment contracts. So much for HYDRA's attempt at looking nicer and gentler for humanity. They're having some PR problems."

"How many politicians?" Pepper asked, pulling out her phone to text some people.

"Three that they know of." He shifted to cross his feet. "But we're looking." She smiled at him, kissing him on the cheek before getting up to get a glass of wine.

"Let me know where I can help," Steve said.

"I can do that."

"Did the other father help any?"

"He helped a lot when Xander had to go clean out Cleveland with Andrew." Tony grinned. "Gibbs said it was a good thing DiNozzo only had the one kid. Apparently they petted his boat to breaking a few boards somehow." Steve nodded. "But we are welcome to babysit Joy and any of the boys we want anytime we want as long as we're just as protective as the boys are. Oh, and Rosenburg showed back up. Xander slammed the door in her face when she tried to get into the house. Andrew's protections made her shriek and cry, then flee back to Devon. She sent an email apology."

Pepper shook her head. "No. Sorry. She tried to hurt the kids, I doubt that'll fly."

"They have to work together," Steve said with a sigh at the end. "If they break up the team something worse will happen." Tony nodded. Pepper grimaced, coming out with her glass of wine to sit down beside Tony again. "Sometimes teammates fight. Not like that team does but there's usually a few minor arguments. They have real fights."

Tony nodded. "We've had some knock down, hair pulling fights between us too but we work it out eventually." He got up to get some coffee, coming back to relax again. They had it for now and they could definitely bring Joyceline home to make sure she was mostly normal. Before she picked up the staff and became the evil overlord of the ages.

***

The judge over the lawsuit looked at Xander and Andrew. "Are you two threatening humanity?"

"No, Your Honor. Why would we?" Andrew asked.

The judge pointed at the staff. "I've had two different briefs about what that thing is."

"It's a mystical artifact and it thinks we're right to use it to protect the kids," Xander said. "We'd never take over or destroy humanity, Your Honor. We have plenty of work to do already."

"Taking over as the overlord of humanity would suck and I'd never get to make cookies again," Andrew said with a grin for the HYDRA people. "Then again, if I didn't have to beat the crap out of people who tried to sneak in to poison us...."

"Or the attempt after we left the courtroom last time," Xander added. "On the courthouse steps."

"The ones that shot at the pediatrician's office," Andrew said with a nod. "We weren't there and weren't due there for four hours."

"And the grocery store and pharmacy because I was ignoring that they were stalking us," Xander added. "Or the one at the zoo that almost released a tiger to attack the kids. They were really pleased that I handed them to the cops when we found them scaring the normals."

"Do we have reports on that?" the HYDRA lawyer sneered.

Xander and Andrew pointed behind them. "This is the City of Cleveland's legal counsel, Your Honor," Andrew said. "Yes, he does."

He stood up. "Your Honor, I was going to present a complaint about them when you asked for additional motions." He handed his card and the envelope to the bailiff. "Including the three blackmail attempt letters my office has received."

The judge looked it over, grimacing. "Including this one noting that your children are being held hostage?" he asked.

"That was not addressed to me, Your Honor. That was addressed to my clerk. Her family has been found. I personally went to the local demon council and asked them to please send at least a vampire to free them and I would give them help to get out of town. I'm told the facility where they were being held hostage got pleasingly destroyed, the children were only banged up and mentally abused, and she's thanked them herself."

The judge nodded, scowling at the HYDRA lawyers. "I think that's out of line. Don't you?"

"That was not us, Your Honor. It was some rogue members," the lawyer in charge said.

"Bullshit," Xander said, pulling out something. "The identity of the corpses the vampire gang made, Your Honor." He handed that over. "And two others that were found there that got rescued."

The judge looked. "They made more children." Xander nodded. "Where are they?"

"We asked someone to do the DNA," Andrew said. "They've been given to their parents and their parents were told about the lawsuit." He looked at the lawyer, who handed that over. "I think their parents were agents."

"Texas Rangers," the lawyer for Xander and Andrew said. "Split between two Rangers and their actual partners in this case. They stole embryos from a fertility clinic in Texas. They were not amused as they were trying very hard to get pregnant in one case."

The judge looked at that, grimacing. "This is getting ridiculous." Xander's lawyer nodded. "Is there any way to stop them?"

"Death," Xander said. "Confinement that's not allowing them outside contact if you want to be more humane."

"Even that might not work but they were being led formerly by an AI of one of the original HYDRA scientists." He pulled up that information. "From Captain Rogers' report. It was part of the SHIELD information that got put online." He handed the phone to the bailiff to hand over.

The judge read over it, shaking his head. "That explains a lot." He handed the phone back. "All right. I've had enough." He looked at Xander. "Would they be doing this if you weren't suing them?"

Xander got into his phone, pulling up a file. "This is a classified file, classified by the country where it happened. They have put three people to death for noting it happened so they could not panic the populace supposedly. Look at the person behind the problematic demons, Your Honor. I think he'll look familiar." He let the bailiff have the phone. The judge watched it, getting a bit pale as it went on. Then he stood up, huffing. Xander nodded. "Yes, I think they were trying long before they panicked because someone outside them found the child making lab and told me about it." He took his phone back from the bailiff, who looked at it before handing it over. "There's another three HYDRA known agents in that battle that weren't helping humanity trying to get myself and the slayer with me. Though that was three days before I got told about the kids."

"So they were going to take you out?" the judge demanded, glaring at him.

Xander nodded. "I found a lot of their files recently when we had to raid the local lab to hand it to agents I trusted." He looked up then at him. "Because they were making weapons of mass destruction and I'll be damned. No one wanted to deal with it and I'm not going to let humanity end for their pettiness and plots," he finished coolly, glaring at the other table's people. Then he smiled at the judge. "I found my file in their system, and Andrew's. They knew at that point I was a seer. They had another seer say that a Seeing Knight would be the downfall of HYDRA if he turned his eye on them." He handed over the information. "There was a small debate of if it was one of us down here or Heimdall."

The judge looked at that. "They were going to take other samples." Xander nodded. "They were going to take the slayers?" Xander nodded again, handing over the laptop from his bag with the full files on it. The judge got into those, reading over their related files. The list of target actions was informative. "Who is Gibbs?"

"Jethro Gibbs, Your Honor. Tony DiNozzo's boss at NCIS, and Tony is Arlin's other father," the lawyer said. "It's said when they tried to take out NCIS he helped hold the building in DC safe."

The judge grimaced. "Have other agents seen this?"

Xander nodded. "Yup. Twice. They don't seem to care," Xander said with a shrug. "Therefore we're keeping the staff for now."

"I agree. As long as you're not threatening humanity with it, boys." He handed the laptop back.

"Your Honor, that can't go into evidence," the other side's lawyer complained after some hissing. "It's stolen information."

"So is the information you have on me," Andrew quipped. "And it's still wrong. I'm not my older brother." He grinned. "He's dead." They stared. "Sorry. And yes, we did hack it. Though you guys left the computers running when we broke in. Bad plans, man. Really bad security plans. No self destruct that Xander couldn't undo. Not a lot of security personnel at a lab with active screwing the world plots going on. Not very good computer encryption or security.

"Really, the passwords were weak and not changed in over three months." Andrew grinned. "You weren't the easiest ever but Rosenburg's out of practice and still managed it with me. And hey, I'm sure I could show others that and see if they could get better information. Including personnel lists." He held up that printed folder. The bailiff grabbed. "No. We're not entering this into evidence at this time. Sorry." He looked at the HYDRA lawyers, who all were looking at the higher ups. They didn't look happy.

"It can't be evidence if it's stolen," one of the lawyers said.

"I'm not entering it into evidence," Andrew said. "I'm handing it to FOX news and CNN." The lawyer winced.

"Too late," Xander said with a grin. "I already did that last night. They were all gathering around the gate to stare at the slayers again. I walked out, handed one of them a copy of that list, then told them to get away from the slayers before they got them hurt and then I killed them for it. Nicely enough, most of them ran. FOX news not so much, but they complained a lot that women were protecting them. When I pointed out I was a guy who had just jumped in as a teenager, and they could too, they got all huffy about expecting them to handle emergencies that they were creeped out by. As usual. So now they're complaining about expecting them to help."

The judge shook his head. "That's going to make it worse."

"I was raised by Rosenburg, Your Honor. Sometimes I think like a girl. So I went with a girl plan before Rosenburg could. She planned on putting it on a billboard in Times Square."

The judge nodded. "That would certainly get attention."

"Especially the page that lists the politicians they've got," Andrew quipped with a smirk for them. "We thought a few of them had made demonic deals for power, not dark deals with douchebags."

"With two of them it could've been both," Xander said. "They are marked." Andrew nodded. One of the agents behind the lawyers lunged at them and Xander beat him down before he could touch them. "I don't think so." He stared down at him. "Guys, he has some sort of gel on his hands. I'm guessing it's a biological contaminant." The bailiff called that in. An officer in hazmat gear stomped in. Xander waved. "It's on his hands. It looks like a gel. I can see a tube sticking out of his pocket." The officer nodded, looking at the hands, then he lunged at Xander to stick him with a needle. Xander pulled it out of his arm, staring at him. "The mermaid taint means I'm immune to a lot of things, including a lot of poisons. And most of the rest, I got exposed to as a kid because my parents were worthless. I used to lick rat traps, dude." He grinned. "But nice try. Give it a D." The officer came up to hit him. Xander hit him, making the guy scream since the needle was now in his eye. "Huh. I didn't scream like that when the minion of the First Evil popped my eye with his nail. You're absolutely worthless, dude. Especially as a man. Wow." Andrew pulled him over to look at his arm. "I'm good, 'Drew."

"You're not good. There's no telling what was in that needle." He was calling their doctor and paramedics were rushing in. "Guys, the fake officer or whoever that is in the suit hit Xander with the needle in the arm first. Then Xander got him back when the idiot attacked him. We have no idea what's in it or what's on the guy's hand." He pointed at him. "Xander, feeling weird?"

"It takes hours," Xander said. "Even when I was already sick it took hours." He looked at the person grabbing his arm. "Don't even." The man glared at him. "I'm not going with you. I'll go to a very nice, not tainted, ER, but I'm not going to yours. You're possibly with the guys who attacked me and I'm a paranoid fucker, especially now." He stared at him. "I'll call my own support. Thanks."

"Sir, you could be contagious."

"It's been five minutes. Being contagious takes at least another few hours," he said dryly. "Even I know that." The guy backed off. "Thanks though. Have fun with them." A woman stomped in. "Agent Hill."

"Mr. Harris. We have a nice supported room for you. The children are with SHIELD agents I personally trust and I have a self destruct chip in their necks if they screw up and become HYDRA suddenly. Let's go?"

Xander looked at Andrew. Then at her. "Nira?"

"With them. The boys insisted. There was an attempted attack on the house. They were not amused when most of them blew up thanks to the protections on the gate but the slayers called in going 'eww' for the whole call about the pieces. Which was caught on FOX news." She grimaced. "Mr. Wells, may I have that list?"

"Yeah, that's a copy." He handed it over with a smile. "Take good care of Xander and make sure the slayers can't nag."

"Of course not. That would break quarantine. We can even keep out Rosenburg." Xander laughed, smiling at her. He went with her. "Thank you and I know it won't continue."

"Thanks," he said once they were outside.

"Not a problem. That's dirty pool," she said, looking at him. "Stark's absolutely furious after he saw the attack on the house."

"If they're with Barton the kids will badger him until he hands over his bows."

"He's one of the list but not the only one." She got him into a car. "Let's take some bloodwork and a sample of where the needle went in." He took the needle from her to do his own blood drawing while she did the tissue sample. "We'll get the needle from the agent's eye in a few minutes." Xander nodded, relaxing again. "Let go of the temper."

"Not a chance."

She smirked. "Fury's having fits too."

"Fury's not allowed near my kids or I'll release that video of him being so drugged by someone that he was singing and dancing."

She burst out laughing. "There is?" He found it on the slayer server, letting her see it. "Oh my god. Thank you. I needed that."

"So have I." He grinned. "You might warn them that Nira's mobile."

"We've noted it." She handed the phone back, letting him relax again. The car got them to a nicer hospital and she got him inside to a specialty unit. "We're going to run the bloodwork to see what's already in there."

"Banner did."

"I'll ask if they remember." She walked off calling up there. She winced at the alarms going off in the background. "Need my help, Stark? I have Harris in isolation thanks to an agent with a needle and an attempt at spreading an unknown gel on him at the courthouse." Andrew appeared, leaning on the staff. "Nurse," she called with a snap and a point. "He's bleeding. Wells, are you okay?"

"The bailiff tried to stab me." He looked at her. "They're all sorry. I time stopped the room." He stood up. "I can handle it."

"Bullshit!" the nurse said, hauling him off. "That clearly needs treatment before you die. Then the rest of us are screwed!"

Andrew hugged her. "We like your people too."

She swatted him but smiled, taking him to get stitches in the ER. She'd stay with him to make sure he was safe. A nurse down there gave her a dirty look. "I'm not going to face down Rosenburg if he or Harris gets hurt. She'll destroy the earth for real this time." The nurse winced, coming in to check the injury. It was a benefit of being at a demon hospital that no one had to ask them any questions.

***

Stark looked around the mess, then at the guys helping. "Gibbs."

"Stark." He shook his hand. "Any more of them?"

"I hope not. I'm really tired of HYDRA's plots." He looked at the guys who had the kids. Steve and Tony DiNozzo were guarding them while they played with a gun that Tony had been wearing. "You unloaded that, right?" Tony nodded. "Thanks."

"Welcome. I hate that my kid's so in danger. If I knew an assassin who worked real cheaply I'd have already let them fix it for me," Tony DiNozzo said.

"Most likely they're failed HYDRA," Gibbs said. "That's why they're cheap."

Someone stomped off the elevator. "Uncle Shiny!" Jesse yelled, running over to hug him. "Miss you and arm!"

"Shiny!" Joy cheered, dancing around with her rabbit. She held it up to him with a grin. "Hoppity miss you too."

"You guys are good kids and I missed you guys shining my arm too." He patted them on the head, settling in to help distract them. They all piled on to hold onto him. "I can protect them," he said.

"Of course you can," Stark agreed. "Probably better than the rest of us. Let us know if you see someone you recognize." Bucky grimaced but nodded. Stark went back to overseeing the removal of the idiots who had tried to get the kids. "All right, can we have Wells do something with the staff?" he asked.

"It's immoral," Steve ordered.

Stark looked at him. "Immoral is them still making new kids and making me one at all when I wasn't involved."

"Good point but using the staff is probably a horrible idea."

"Not if they expose themselves," Bucky said. "Can they do that?"

"I don't know," Steve said. "What if they're just around their cohorts so nothing gets done if they do?"

"Point," Stark sighed. "I hadn't considered that." Andrew appeared, leaning down to hug the kids. Including the one that was trying to hide behind Bucky to take a nap without sibling help. "Andrew, are you all right?"

"The bailiff tried to stab me," he said, straightening up holding his side. "The judge was one of them and he said he regrets it. I've still got the courthouse time stopped. I have no idea how to undo it or if I want to undo it. Which is probably why it's not being undone since magic's like that." He flopped down, letting Arlin climb into his lap. "Daddy Xander had to go to the ER to get a thing treated. So we're babysitting for a few days. Okay?" Arlin grinned and hugged him. "I love you too, little guy. Just like I do the others and Nira." Arlin cuddled in, sucking his thumb to take a nap. Henry came over yawning to help too.

"Joy, want to take them to your room?" Steve asked. "They can all curl up with you."

She stared at him. "No nap!" she complained. "I not sleepy!"

"SHHH!" Jesse ordered, scowling at her. "Brovers sleep! Sissy sleep!" Joy nodded, huffing a tiny bit but stayed up playing with the uncle's arm. Jesse grinned at uncle. "She be good girl."

"I am good girl!" she shouted, swatting at him.

"Hey!" Tony ordered. "No need to hit." She pouted at him. "We know you're usually a good girl, Joyceline. There's no reason to hit him. Jesse, don't pick on your sister." He pouted but nodded. "Now, be good, both of you." They hugged and got back to helping the uncle's shiny arm. Tony looked up, popping his neck. Pepper came off the elevator with two security people. "The kids are fine."

"Good!"

"Shh! Napping!" Jesse ordered, scowling at her. "Not wake them!"

"Sweetheart, I didn't mean to be so loud," she promised, taking him to cuddle. "I like it when they nap too. It makes them happier. Are you going to nap?" He shook his head. "That's fine. Want some magazines to look at?" He blinked a few times. She set him up on the couch with a stack of magazines to look at.

"Clothes."

Joyceline looked over. "Clothes?" She smiled at Pepper. "Us clothes?"

"We'll see if we can do that, sweetheart. You're growing so big!" She took her to cuddle, sitting next to Jesse. They looked at the clothes together.

"She have tiny butt. Is ugly," Jesse complained, turning the page. "No girl things that're snuggly."

"Like Stella, need 'spital," Joy agreed. They nodded at each other.

"That one wasn't quite as skinny as Stella is," Andrew said. "A few others are and they look sick. They definitely need the hospital or the older witches at the Coven to feed them." The kids nodded, grinning at him. "Just wait. They knit too." The kids giggled when Pepper poked them and got them back into the clothes. She was teaching them colors and how to match. "That's a good idea. Their daddy can't always do that."

Bucky looked behind him, carefully picking up the kid to hand to Andrew. "She's trying to suck on my butt cheek."

"She's very loving," Andrew quipped. "She probably thought you were a meal." Bucky snorted but got up onto the couch to help protect the kids.

Stark went to check with the building's security team and Hill. That way they had an update on Harris too. The kids would start to worry if they didn't know how he was doing.

***

Steve was out on a run for supplies for Pepper and the kids when he got cornered by reporters. "Captain, what do you say about Mr. Stark having a child out of wedlock!" one shouted.

He glared at her. "Not like it was done naturally." She scowled. "I'm guessing that since he didn't ask HYDRA to make him a daughter with Mr. Harris, I'm pretty okay with them working it out so it doesn't affect the kid and they're turning their anger on that rape on the proper people."

"It wasn't rape," she sneered.

"Did they *give* them samples? No, they stole samples of bodily fluid for it, and Xander was under the age of consent for California at the time." She backed off, shuddering. "He never donated it willingly. I'm also pretty darn sure that since a tenth of all the embryos they made are Xander's that I'd be pretty darn mad at people. I'm also pretty damn sure if I was Xander, I'd have people who could help me fit a tank up the butt of the people who did this to him and not only made his chosen duty harder, but also endangered his life and the life of his children."

"He doesn't have to raise them," she sneered. "Plenty of people put their children up for adoption."

"And I admire them for knowing they can't handle a kid at that point in their lives so they do the best they can for them," he assured her coolly, glaring at her now. "For guys like me and Xander, sometimes family is the only thing that matters in our lives." She stomped off. He waved. "Have a great day, madam." He went to the pharmacy, shaking his head most of the way. The other reporters had just stared. He guessed that was nice of them. He came out and the reporters were still trying to follow him. "No comment, people."

"Is Mr. Harris an orphan?" one called.

"Ask him."

"He's in hiding."

Steve stopped to stare at her. "During the last court hearing two different HYDRA agents tried to infect him with a biological substance. One of them showed up as an officer to handle the first one's and stabbed Xander in the arm with a needle full of something. He's in the hospital just in case. I hope he's not gotten something deadly because I'm really starting to like the guy." She whimpered, shaking her head. "For that matter, the judge, the bailiff, and a lot of others in that court were found to be infested with HYDRA. It's like a plague and I hope we make a vaccine soon." He went into the tower.

"There's a vaccine," Tony said as he walked into the common area. "It's called tolerance and respect. Clearly the people in HYDRA's parents were worse than mine or Harris' since we both learned it." Steve grinned, handing over the diapers and milk. "Thanks."

"Welcome. I needed some air anyway. I'm sure that first reporter will be sneering on air soon. Let me know how bad it'll be."

"I pulled all our advertising from their station already, citing her rude ass behavior." Steve grinned, going to hide in his room from the kids. They were thankfully sleeping in today but they'd find him later to help him clean and shine his shield. Tony put his feet up on the coffee table, surfing the news. People were really mad at HYDRA. Especially when Buffy Summers came out to tell them what HYDRA had done and how they were endangering humanity by calling higher powered demons down to grant them gifts.

He nearly choked when he heard her say that one of them had wanted Xander's kids as a sacrifice and that may be why there was such pressure to get them back, but no one was sure. Xander was still in the hospital with a mild case of the flu so he had only talked to the kids. Tony groaned, leaning his head back to listen toward the kids' room. Yup, they were up. He heard a growl from Hoppity. None of the boys got to play with Hoppity so it had to be his daughter growling at someone. He went in to check on her, finding her growling at a security guard. "Problems?" he demanded.

"They're unnatural. God would hate them."

"Yay. Get out of my tower. You can pick up your last check tomorrow." He pointed.

"We have to make them be one of God's children instead!" he shouted.

"JARVIS, stop me from destroying this idiot at the cellular level," he ordered.

Jesse looked up and threw something at the guy. "Bad idiot. Not threaten us. Daddy be *very* mad."

Tony looked, grabbing the grenade before the guy could. "That's a good reason, yeah." The guard got pounced and led out, the kids cheering on the good guards as they dragged him. Tony got down to hug them. "We love you no matter how you came into being. Okay?" They cuddled and Arlin went back to sleep. Tony took them down to the Avengers med bay, letting the docs down there check them over. They were fine, just sleepy. So he had anti-magic protections raised around the tower. Just in case it was Rosenburg.

***

Someone snuck into the hospital, staring at the guy in the bed who had a gun pointed at her. "Mr. Harris, can I ask you a few questions?"

"No. You're violating my rights, you're violating my personal space, and you're violating me being in quarantine." She huffed. "Sorry!" He pushed the nurse's button, putting the gun under the covers when one stomped his way. "You guys didn't tell me that reporters were part of the quarantine process."

The nurse looked at her. "You're not a nurse?"

"I'm a journalism student," she said sheepishly. "If I could interview him, it'd be the only way I could get a great job after college. Please?"

"No," Xander said. "Sorry. Get the court filings. They can't have erased them or they're in heavy violation of the law. Or ask my lawyer for information." She sighed, stomping off. He shrugged at the nurse, who walked off shaking her head. "Does that mean I'm not in quarantine and I go see my kids?" he called after her.

"Tomorrow. You're being released tomorrow."

"Thank you!" He settled in to rest. No one could sleep in a hospital.

***

"Ah ha! I have caught you, my wily little son," Xander cooed as he picked up Henry. He blinked at his son, who blinked back. "Did I just say that?" Henry nodded, grinning at him. Xander looked around. "Oh, no wonder. Great Cordelia type being, why the fuck am I on this dream plane?" he shouted. Henry burst out giggling, hugging him.

Instead of Cordelia, he got the other one, Whistler. Who gave him a look. "You're real mouthy, Harris."

"Yes I am and I'm happily passing it along."

"That was not in the game plans," Whistler admitted, shifting his weight.

"Hey, yell at HYDRA. We are."

"If they had some power overseeing them, we probably would have." Whistler looked at the kid. "Why are you holding a demon?"

Xander stared at him. "You do realize that up here, my curse of Sight is really active, right? That you're probably not going to be able to provoke me into hurting my own child, Whistler."

"That's not the kid. We couldn't pull the kids."

"First, bullshit. Second, I have all my kids marked so even if I'm back in hyena times I can tell the kids." Whistler shuddered. "Third...nice try," he said with a smirk. "Any other needs we gotta talk about? He needs changed."

"They don't like this idea."

"Then they should've stopped them."

"Not our call."

"Not mine either." Xander shifted Henry to his other hip, staring at the balance demon. "What did they think I'd do about it?"

"Let them be adopted? Before you warp them."

"Did Willow become one of you guys?" he asked dryly.

"Not that I'm aware of. It could be common sense on her part."

"I'm pretty sure it's not," he said, looking smug. "I'm also pretty sure Andrew or someone could find a way up there so my kids could introduce themselves."

Whistler shivered at that threat. "They'd never allow it." Xander chuckled, a warm, fuzzy making sound of doom. Whistler backed up a step. "They might age them on you."

"Um-huh. Sure." He stared at him, grinning slightly now. "Then they'd have to explain that to the other parents. And me, and it'd give me backup." Whistler shook his head quickly, stepping back again. "Can we wake up now? He really needs changed before he craps all over your mental landscape. I know it's not mine since there's no harems."

"Sure, go," he said, waving a hand to send him back to his body. The kid went back to his. Whistler looked up. "You know not to piss him off," he noted. "He'll do something evil." He went back to his resting spot to recover. Cordelia was giggling heavily on her couch/bed. Apparently she had anticipated that meanness.

Xander woke up, blinking at the kid sitting on his chest. "Let's go change you then we'll talk to Uncle Andrew." Henry ran for the bathroom, letting Xander follow him after looking at the other kids. Henry was staring into the toilet so Xander took off the soggy, nasty diaper to sit him on it. "Let me get the diaper stuff. Sit there and go pee." He went to grab the diaper bag then came back. When he was done, Xander went to nudge Andrew, making him flinch but not wake up Nira. "Whistler just called me up for a head-talk. Apparently the kids were not in their plans. I promised if they hurt the kids I'd send them up there to introduce themselves." He grinned a nice boy grin.

"Only if I can tape it," he said, sitting up to rub his eyes. "Why now?"

"They wanted me to adopt the kids out. Thought I'd warp them."

"Willow's a Power?" Andrew asked, looking confused.

"I asked that too." He grinned.

Andrew snorted but smirked back. "Okay. I'll look that up." Xander went back to the other room to help the kids get changed. Andrew looked at his daughter. "Don't worry, we'll make sure they don't come after you the same way." He looked. The staff was missing. He summoned it back in case Stark had it again. It pulled, paused, pulled. Then Andrew yanked and it came back. "Hmm." He looked at the glove, then got up to take it down to Tony, handing it over. "Someone stole the staff for a few minutes but we need it. The PTB wanted Xander to adopt out the kids. Xander promised to send them up there for a visit." He walked off with the staff, going back to check on Nira. She was giggling on the bed with Willow bending over her. "Don't make me stick this staff up your ass." She flinched away from him. "What are you doing to my daughter?"

"She's fussy."

"She's giggling. Giggling is happy, not fussy, Willow." He took her to check over, taking her to the infirmary. "Willow gave her something," he announced as he walked in. One of the nurses snatched the baby to check, starting with making her throw up. Andrew leaned on the wall until Xander came in and took the staff from him, giving him a slight grin. "You sure?"

"Yeah. I'll be damned." He went to find Willow, going to beat her ass. She was back with the coven so he went there, freezing her with the staff. "She just tried to dose Nira with something," he told the staring witches.

"Which one was Nira?" one asked.

"The daughter between me and Andrew." He grinned. "The future geek president."

The witches all nodded, glaring at Willow. "Did you dose the child with something harmful?" She shook her head. Xander took her phone to text Andrew's phone. He got something back, holding it up. "That's a sedative," one said, reading the ingredients. "Why would you give a child that, Willow? It's harmful."

"Really?" Xander asked. "How harmful? The nurses taking care of her want to know."

The witches looked at him then at the staff he was holding. "We'll handle her, Xander," one said with a smile, standing up.

"Like hell, witches." They backed off. He stared at Willow.

"She was fussy!"

"I was next door. She wasn't fussy. She wasn't crying, not making whiny noises, none of it." She backed up, hitting a wall. Xander stared at her. "It's a shame you're so evil now that you hate children."

"They can't be yours!" she sneered.

"They are mine. We did the DNA, Willow."

"No way! It doesn't match on the spell."

"You haven't gotten that spell right yet," one of the witches said. "One of my daughters came up as someone else's and I know I gave birth to her." Willow glared at her. "Don't you dare, young lady. I will let him have you."

"You're going to let me have her anyway because if she hurts my kid, including that one, I'll destroy her. Possibly wherever she's standing too. The staff is itchy to be used. Since the higher being who made it would probably see her as a problem to be solved..." The witches sent them back to New York together. Xander smirked. "Hi." She tried to run so he changed her down to a frog. "Hmm." He carried the frog with him. "Here, have a pet, guys."

"Frog!" Joy cooed, taking it to cuddle. "Ooh, magic frog!" The boys came over to see the magic frog. Andrew stomped in, waving his phone. Xander pointed at the frog with a grin. "Magic Frog!" she said, holding it up to Andrew.

"I can see the magic frog, sweetheart." He petted it. "If you hurt the kids, I'll turn you into multiple spell components." He looked at Xander. "Can we handle this?"

"Yeah, I can." Andrew nodded, going back to the infirmary. "Guys, let's go check on Nira. She's sick." They trooped down there with the magic frog to help take care of their baby sister.

The nurse looked at the frog they were carrying. Then at the two parents. "A pet?" she asked with a point.

Xander grinned. "The stupid one that gave Nira the sedative potion that's dangerous for kids. So she's presently a magical frog. Pending me finding a spell I want to use her in."

The nurse nodded. "I nearly beat someone who looked at my child the wrong way. I understand perfectly. How do you feel? We're supposed to check on you tomorrow anyway."

Xander grinned. "I'm fine. I told them that before I went in." She nodded, making a note and going to check on Nira. Andrew came out. Xander pointed. "You can go sit with her and the kids." He nodded, taking the kids in there to help him. They curled up around Nira, including the magical frog being held down to be cuddled, and settled in to nap while they waited.

Tony Stark walked in. "Staff again?" he asked.

Xander stared at him. "Ya know, some of us have the sight even without the staff." The man laughed. "Guys, this isn't Stark. He's too tall." The nurses looked, one coming out to check on him. "And he doesn't have the scar on his neck."

She looked. "You're right." The fake Stark lashed out. The other nurses tried something. Xander put everyone down via magic.

Xander looked up. "Hey, Mr. JARVIS?" he called quietly. "Is there a way you can get your geniuses up to handle them? Maybe? Please? I don't want to be the only one here handling things." A few minutes later, Steve ran in. "That's not Mr. Stark," he said with a point. "That nurse checked, agreed, and suddenly everyone else decided to attack. So they're taking a nap."

"Okay," Steve agreed. "That's a good way to handle it. Why are you guys in here?"

"Willow fed Nira some sort of potion that may be a sedative but the coven said was bad for kids. So now she's a frog." He pointed with a grin. "Because I'm going to find some spell to use her in."

Steve nodded. "I can agree with that. Is Nira okay?"

"She's napping and they've got her on an IV," Andrew called. "I have no idea otherwise."

"I'll get Bruce up," Steve said, calling him and Stark, who came stumbling in. He stared at the guy on the floor pretending to be him.

Xander tipped his head to the side then reached over to pluck something off. "Magical hiding thingy. I use them on my guns when I'm in public in the US." He held it up. The guy who had been pretending to be Stark lunged at Xander and got the staff in the forehead. Then Xander pulled the sharp point out of the skin with a sucking sound. "Eww. Brains."

Steve was moving over to check on him when Bruce nearly ran him over to get to the kids. Andrew handed over the chart the nurses had started. "The witch," Andrew said with a point at the frog. "Gave her some sort of sedative potion that's dangerous for kids according to the coven. Then we had a not-Stark show up, Xander caught it, and suddenly all the nurses attacked." Andrew frowned at the frog. "See what you got started?" It tried to hide under Joy. "She won't save you." The frog hopped under the baby. Andrew grinned at the doctor. "As you can see, Willow's started something bad tonight."

"I can see that. Can we remove the frog and turn her back into a human?"

"Xander said he's using her in a potion."

"I understand why," Bruce agreed. "Let's get her off the bed anyway in case she tries to magic the kids?" Andrew nodded, picking up the frog.

"My magical frog!" Henry complained.

"I'm just holding her, Henry," Andrew said, sitting up to pat him. "It's all right. I won't hurt the magical frog. We'll make her a nice housing area." Henry grinned, nodding at him. "Lay down, baby. It's still really early." Henry laid back down and got comfy, even though Bruce moved him off Nira's belly. "Sorry, they think one of them is always the pillow."

"I'm sure it's comforting," Bruce said. He checked the baby's lab work, then her IV. "It should be fine. We'll make sure. Did she get the other ones?"

"Not as far as we know," Xander called. "She was bending over Nira. Henry and I ended up talking to the PTB's messenger for a bit on a dream realm but I don't think Whistler would've hurt him." Someone came running in with a gun drawn so he attacked with the staff, using it as a weapon this time. He was pretty good with a staff. That one was good but Xander ducked and stabbed him with the knife he pulled suddenly. He stared down at him. "Hi. How're you?" He grinned. "The shit you learn when you ask an eight-armed demon to teach you how to fight better."

The man tried to back up but was moaning. Xander looked at his dagger then grinned at him. "Oh, it's my blessed dagger for patrol. I'm pretty sure I cleaned all the demon blood off it." He put it back. "If not, maybe they can test on you." The man hopped up and Xander used the staff as a magical weapon this time. The man was frozen in midair. "Hmm." He sat down with a huff. "How many more HYDRA people can there really be?" he asked Steve, who had been stunned by the attack.

"I don't know but I'm hoping that they're nearly out of heads." Xander removed the thing freezing him, letting Steve move again. "Thanks."

"Welcome."

"Eight arms?"

"Yeah. He was an arms master for a warrior society but he's retired. I needed to be better to help train the slayers." He grinned. "I took two months to learn from him."

"That's a great idea," Steve agreed. "I'd take the time to train with people who were better than me in alternate styles too." Stark stomped in. "I think that's him this time."

"I'm pretty sure since I can see the scars," Xander quipped. Stark glared at him. Xander shrugged. "Two didn't." He pointed at them.

Stark looked then nodded. "Huh." He went into the infirmary area. "Is that a frog?"

"A frog named Willow. She gave Nira something," Andrew said. "We're going to figure out what to do with her once we make sure the kids are all right."

"I get that," Tony agreed. "Want me to take them back upstairs?"

"I'd rather have them in view," Andrew said. "Just in case." He pointed at the mess and the frozen people in the other room. "It's making me a bit paranoid."

"Yeah, it would me too," Tony said. "Is Joy all right?"

"As far as we know," Xander called. "Henry and I talked to the PTB's messenger earlier."

"PTB?" Bruce asked.

"The Powers That Be. They're the cosmic power sorts over the slayers," Andrew said. "They think it's a huge chess game and hate us for helping the slayers win." Bruce grimaced. Andrew nodded. "They *really* hate Xander."

"They told me this wasn't in their plans and they expected me to be a sperm donor instead of a father," Xander called. He smiled at the woman stomping in. "I can unfreeze them."

"Give me a minute to get more people." She called that in. "The babies?"

"Willow the magical frog," he said dryly. "Is going to either be used in a spell or found a *great* tank for a home if the kids want to keep her that much."

Maria Hill smiled. "I like that idea." She looked at the guy with the hole in his head then the staff. "Clean your weapons. Brains can't be good on mystical artifacts." He settled down to clean it with stuff he found under the sink and some paper towels. He cleaned his knife too. "Who got that?" Steve pointed. "Why is he crying?"

"I thought I got all the demon blood off it," Xander quipped. "But he screamed like it burned him."

"Ah." She nodded, making note of that for their arrests. The others got dragged off. Bucky stomped in, heading for the room. "Barnes, can you help them watch the kids?"

"They all like me," he said dryly.

Xander looked at him. "I talked to them about leaving your arm alone."

"Thanks. Take a nap? You're clearly mean."

"Nah. I'm good. I've spent longer without sleeping thanks to apocalypse times." He looked at Hill again. "How many more of them are there?"

"They say that cutting off a head brings another," she said. "But I don't know."

"I'm hoping we're nearly out of heads," Steve said.

"Killing a hydra means you don't cut off a head," Xander said. "You kill them with a brain shot without cutting it off. An arrow through it, a bullet through it, something like that. Or you have to use fire to seal the neck." She stared at him. He shrugged. "There's been two in Africa." He grinned. "And one in South America I had to suggest ideas to help Marna handle."

Maria Hill blinked a few times. "Huh. Are krakens real?"

"Yes. There's one on top of the Sunnydale hellmouth." He grinned. "It's the guardian so all the other demons wanting to come over can't. You have to kill those with salt. The last one I saw was about four feet wide at the center but wasn't that old. The Sunnydale one probably can't come out of the hole fully any longer. The one in the Mediterranean is about the same width as a aircraft carrier is long. It's trying to hide though. It got really injured a few years back."

She stared at him. "Where do you find these things out?"

"In that case I talked to the local hunter who keeps track of it."

"Can we talk to him?"

"He died a few years back while he was trying to save his daughter from her self-sacrifice so it'd leave the area alone. I talked to his ghost. He was haunting his son and his son asked me to make him quit nagging about never having daughters. I pointed out the kraken would take sons too but someone had to fight the damn thing so he had to either train someone or take the bullet and have kids to carry on the legacy." She shuddered. "At least they don't eat them."

"Then what do they do with them?" Steve asked.

Xander gave him a look. "Anime things." Steve shuddered, walking off to check on the kids while rubbing his arms. He grinned at Maria Hill. "Can I feed them to the kraken on my hellmouth?"

"Don't tempt me," she ordered but smiled. "I might let you." She looked at them. "I'm not sure if the kraken would take them with as tainted as they are." Xander chuckled, smiling at her. "Are you all right?"

"I'm good. It's not the first time I've had to handle humans doing stupid things." He looked at them. "You guys ain't shit compared to a rebel band of idiots." One groaned. "Pity." He grinned at her. "So, what are they trying to get now?"

"I think someone got the dna workup again," she admitted. "I've heard they've lost a few people trying to infect them with mermaid taint to test them."

"It could have something to do with the hellmouth. The other guys who got infected were all long term residents of Sunnydale. It could have made us more receptive somehow by the radiation tainting."

"That's good to know. I have no idea how to test it."

"There's kids who've been near the Cleveland hellmouth all their lives," Xander quipped. "One's a vampire that's been annoying us by avoiding all the patrols, but Andrew's noted at least three others."

"One's no longer in town, he's in DC," Andrew called. "Not sure why."

"So they may have him?" Maria guessed.

Andrew looked out of the baby's room at her. "No clue. I wasn't going to interrupt in case his family had moved there."

"Okay, if you know his name we can check subtly," she said. Andrew wrote them all down for her. "Thank you, Mr. Wells. Do you know how your magic has been changed by the hellmouth?"

He shook his head. "I don't have strong magic and I was never the meditating on myself sort. Sorry."

"That's all right. It's something we can look at some other time somehow." She walked off calling someone she trusted. They could check on those kids and rescue any that HYDRA had. She came back frowning at Xander. "HYDRA has a lab in Cleveland. The local peaceful community down there is afraid of what will happen but they don't want to make the slayers deal with bad humans."

"Slayers can't take out humans," Xander told her. "It cranks the slayer upload and spirit." She nodded once. "Where are they?"

"In the old Prescott hotel?"

Andrew burst out laughing. "They're within a block of the hellmouth." He considered it then came out to get the staff, waving it around then handing it back with a grin. "Let's see how they like the hellmouth for reals." He went back to watching the kids.

"Andrew, we can watch if you want to nap," Steve said.

"Thanks, guys. I'm not used to the emergency sleep deprivation Xander, Buffy, and Faith have had." He curled up on the bed around the kids. "Take the frog to Xander?" They did that.

Xander looked at the frog, who was trying to get free. "I should find you a good home for a few days, Willow."

"That's Rosenburg?" Bucky demanded.

Xander grinned. "We're in here because she gave Nira something like an herbal sedative that's not good for babies." He held up the frog. "So she's the kid's new magical frog."

Stark got something sent up by one of his robots, sticking Willow into it. "We'll make sure she doesn't escape, Xander." Xander grinned. "Lay down for a bit. We've got it." He sighed but nodded, curling up on the chairs with the staff cuddled against his chest. Jesse and Joy both snuck out, in their exaggerated toddler way, to lay on top of him. He cuddled them around the staff. Joy cooed, petting it. It liked that because it glowed. Jesse scowled at the staff and it quit glowing. That was nicer and he could sleep now. Tony got a sheet to cover them, letting it cover Jesse and Xander but not Joy. She needed light to sleep still. Stark looked at Maria Hill.

"I think you're becoming an excellent father, Stark." He grinned but still looked very tense. "Let me get onto this. I'll let you guard each other in case more show up. Let me know if you need further medical attention for Nira so I can set up guards." She walked off calling someone else to come get the prisoners from their local cell. They had to talk to them for a bit, see what they knew.

Stark looked at Banner, who waved. He nodded, heading to his lab to scan the building. He didn't want HYDRA in it. His daughter would be harmed one of these times and there was no telling what he and Xander would do because of it. Hell, he might take Loki's staff from Xander and Andrew to use himself. Tony looked at the Willow frog, shaking his head. "So stupid of you," he told her. He got back to work. She shimmered and tried to change back but then screamed and returned to a brighter colored frog this time. Tony laughed. "I don't think you're stronger than Loki, Rosenburg."

***

Xander showed up for the newest meeting with a judge about HYDRA. His lawyer was there. No one else had shown up, the judge had the courtroom closed for security reasons. "No, I didn't bring the children," he said when the judge asked him. "I don't want to turn them evil by making them watch me take out idiots who attack me." He looked at the other side. "You guys make me more kids, watch the next one be imbued by the Powers That Be to destroy you all. With the way they hate me, I'm really surprised none of them have been blessed to them yet in *some* manner. After all, they're all about balance."

"They weren't supposed to be activating any embryos," the judge said, looking over the edge of his glasses at him.

Xander grinned. "Then you might want to steal the ones they stole from SHIELD's remains back," he said dryly. "Two of those archive machines that hold samples got stolen yesterday. The machines to birth them were stolen the day before by a different group of agents." The judge moaned, shaking his head. "Half of them weren't marked as to origins so I'm pretty sure some of mine are in there. I make up half of ten percent of the embryos, Your Honor. Do I really need more kids for them to upkeep?"

"If we pay for them, we'll get at least visitation," the other side's lawyers said. "After all, they're ours."

"You have no genetic relationship," Xander's lawyer reminded him. "You just illegally made the children. Including taking a sample from him by rape."

"We did not. Someone finally found that file. Mr. Harris was a senior in high school." He handed that to the judge.

Xander pulled out his wallet, handing over his ID. "Can you please tell them to count, Your Honor. I know very well when I turned eighteen, which was six weeks after I got infected with mermaid taint. Which is what made me infertile without a lot of DNA tampering they weren't going to do."

The judge looked at the notes, nodding. "He was still seventeen then. Was the person who collected the samples less than three years older than him?" The lawyers all shook their heads, including Xander's lawyer looking smug while doing it. "That means you just admitted some of your people participated in a statutory rape, in a gang rape manner as there were noted to be six people there." He looked at his bailiff, handing them to him. "For him."

Xander looked them over. "Huh. Well, I hope like hell my parents are enjoying hell. Since they wouldn't evacuate, they got sucked in with the hole." He handed the papers to his lawyer before putting his ID back.

"Your Honor, we're against this going on any longer," Xander's lawyer said. "Can you make them quit stalling so a decision can be reached? Before my client gets mad enough to make a wish to end them?"

Xander grinned at him. "Technically, no wish demon will ever answer a wish for me unless it's critical to the health of the world. That being said, they will answer one for the kids and I have caught a wish demon prompting one of the kids to talk to them. Thankfully the kids weren't all that verbal because HYDRA's goons were shit parents. The kids couldn't talk at all when we found them."

"Could demons do that?" the judge demanded.

Xander grinned and nodded. "Yeah, if someone wished the end of HYDRA they can do that. They might be *messy* depending on the wish and which wish demon caught the wish. I know a few of them are salivating over that idea. I ran into one while out playing poker for intelligence about an upcoming incident last night."

The judge winced. "Who will be watching them while you're fighting?"

"If Andrew's not in the battle, him. If not, I'm paying a few of the coven to watch them. They already agreed and a few of them think it'll be charming to warp my kids into uptight Brits like the old line watchers were."

The judge grimaced. "A nanny perhaps?"

"I don't make that sort of money, Your Honor, and unless I somehow *confiscate* their funds, I probably won't be. That would be another benefit of them paying upkeep and maintenance for the kids they created for us."

The judge nodded. "It might be safer, so the children don't have to see you in battles?"

"My kids already know what I do is important. Not like there's many that back up the slayers, Your Honor."

"What if you have to retire?"

"I'll fall back to a limited danger position," Xander said dryly. "I can research and I can set up somewhere to train the girls if I had to. I've thought about it. Especially the days when I wake up in pain from injuries."

"That's something I would consider a reasonable outcome." He stared at him then at the others. "I agree, there will be no more motions to continue. You'll give a statement today or this case will be decided in their favor." The other lawyers were spluttering.

One stepped up. "I will be giving the opening statement, Your Honor," the new lawyer said. "They were waiting until I got off my last important case."

"Your Honor, a problem," Xander's lawyer said. "This is actually one of my superiors at Wolfram and Hart. He's not licensed to be a lawyer within the US."

"I could bring him in and be a lot richer," Xander quipped. "There's a huge bounty on his head."

The demon sneered at him. "You're not that good, Harris."

Xander grinned, pulling something out of his bag. "Really? Do you really think that I'm that unprepared for demons?" The demons, both lawyers, looked at the thing in his hand. He grinned, handing his lawyer an antidote bottle. "So.... Mr. I was part of the invasion of LA." The judge moaned. "Mr. I have a *huge* bounty on my head. I could easily outfit the kids in stuffed animals for *years* thanks to you."

"How did you get that into the courtroom?" the judge asked, sounding tired.

"The agent that walked me through security this morning made sure I had it, Your Honor. He said I'd need it to bring in this being. Something about 'not his job' but he was tired of waiting on others to handle it for him."

"Is he here?"

"I don't know," Xander said. "You can go have someone check."

"Will you give him back that weapon?"

Xander petted it with a smile. "The slayers really could use it later, Your Honor."

"Then the agent can give it back to you once we're out of the courthouse, sir."

"Yes, Your Honor." The bailiff called someone, and they came in. Xander handed over the weapon. "He said I can't have it in here."

"I wanted to see you set it off in a few offices to get some demons causing problems," the agent complained. He did tuck it into his pocket.

"Is there an active warrant for that being?" the judge demanded.

"Yes, Your Honor. There's a few charges of treason against humanity waiting on him. Also, his citizenship was revoked. All his formal certifications were revoked the week after we found out who was behind that charming invasion of Los Angeles. I'll be happily taking him in to have a fair trial by federal jury."

Xander waved. "The other two you're looking for are still in lower Africa. One's in South Africa. One's in Madagascar polluting the beauty there. He's busy trying to create his own little toxic empire like he's on Captain Planet's cartoon."

The agent smiled. "Thank you, Mr. Harris. We like that information." He walked the demon off reading him his rights. They could send people to get the others they were still missing. Maybe the senior slayer in Gibralter would help them. She was excellent at those sort of maneuvers.

Xander grinned. "Maybe they'll pay for a few months of diapers." The judge snorted, shaking his head a bit. "I could use it. There's five of them and they had the runs last week. Even Joy's other daddy said he couldn't afford diapers for her for too long."

A tiny blue demon with bat ears appeared, looking up at the judge. "It is the ruling of the High Council of Westchester County that the HYDRA demons be exposed and eliminated for endangering all demon kind," he announced.

Xander walked around to hug him. "I love you guys. Thank you for making my life easier."

The demon glared at him. "Human!"

Xander grinned. "I'm Xander."

The demon shuddered. "We did not do it for you but we did it to make sure you and your cohort did not destroy any innocents when you had to go after them. Put me down!" Xander put him down with a grin, going back to his seat. The demon huffed. "Humans are wrong and weird." He looked at the judge, handing over that judgement. "They have abused their privilege and safety. So say most of the Councils on this plane." He disappeared to go shudder in horror. "Harris picked me up! He squeezed me!" he complained to their council.

"It's called a hug. Humans do that when they're happy," Dawn chirped from her seat, smiling at him. "Xander's really good at hugs." The demon walked off huffing. "Sorry. I'll have him write an apology." She smiled at the others she had summoned. "So?"

"It's a good start, Summers," one said.

Dawn grinned. "Willow's presently a tiny magical frog for trying to harm the kids. Xander's got *two* enemies for as long as they last. He's not sleeping. He's not eating. He's using mystical, magically based artifacts." The demons moaned. "It's him using Thanos' staff or Andrew. Which do you think will make it there first?"

"We will make sure the human ones out themselves," another demon said.

A wish demon appeared, staring oddly at Dawn. "Does your sister know you're here?"

"No." She smiled. "She's aligned herself with Willow again. Willow the Magical Frog had a bad idea the other night."

"I heard," she said. "Halfrek's successor is forbidden to come help any of them unless humanity hangs in the balance."

Dawn pulled out her phone to pull up a picture, showing it to the wish demon over lost dreams. "I think you can see why I'm a bit worried."

She stared at the picture. "Is that... That's Thanos' staff," she said quietly. "In Andrew's hand."

"No, they share it," Dawn quipped. She changed the picture. "It was really handy when he was protecting the slayers during the coming out party for HYDRA." She let her see that picture. It had Xander casting magic with the staff.

"That's bad."

"Bad is that the makers of the kids activated magical gifts in two of the boys. In Joy it led to empathy." Dawn grinned. "She's so empathic she's gone to pet the guy who turns into the Hulk because he was angry. Since her other daddy's an Avenger...."

The wish demon winced. "Oh, dear." She looked up then at her. "D'Hoffryn doesn't think it'll be that bad."

"The baby is half Xander's and half Andrew's." Dawn smirked. "She's already got chaos magic, even before her six month birthday."

"Oh, fuck," D'Hoffryn said in a demon language as he appeared. "Nira is whose?"

"Andrew and Xander's." She grinned at him, hugging his arm. "They said she'll become the first geekette president. And if they don't quit bothering him, Xander's going to ask someone to make him president first." The demons all shuddered. "Just to protect the kids and the slayers."

"Let me talk to other higher beings," D'Hoffryn said.

"Does HYDRA have one?" she asked.

"No. Unfortunately not." He disappeared, ending up bringing Dawn since she was still hugging his arm. He glared at her. She grinned. "They'll destroy you."

"They'll try. I'm not that easy, D'Hoffryn, and I am a cosmic power." He huffed but took her with him. "Hidey ho, neighbors," she chirped as they walked into a meeting room.

"A new consort, D'Hoffryn? She's pretty," one of the higher beings said.

Dawn opened her magic, making them all stare. "Sorry, I don't think I could date anyone but a human. My first crush was Xander and not many live up to his image." She sat down at the table, smiling at them. "We all got problems. Xander's presently got high powered chaos artifacts and he's going to destroy people who keep trying to take his kids away from him. Because they made the kids. Including the one between him and Andrew Wells."

"You can't be her. She's a ball," one of them said, staring at her.

"Yeah and then Glory got woken up. The monks fell. They sent me to be the sister of a slayer to protect me. They should've made me the sister of someone else, but that's a longer story." They threw some magic at her and she absorbed it. "The things you learn from Rosenburg's books. Not like she'll need them as a magical frog."

"She is the Key," D'Hoffryn complained. "She's right about her origins." He felt a feeling of dread, looking around. "That's bad."

Dawn licked a finger, holding it up. "Andrew just lost his temper. Huh. I should probably go help calm him down." She looked at them, grinning at the higher beings. "I'll be back so we can talk about Xander's babies, including the one between them, and how they're using magical artifacts now." She disappeared, landing in a mess. "Huh." She blocked Andrew's magical flash at her. "Don't do that. It'll mess up my hair then I'll have to channel Buffy." She looked around, nodding. "Nice. Why here?"

"They have Nira."

"Okay. Sure. Let's summon her." She did that and handed the baby to Andrew. "You go be a daddy. Let me do some cleaning. 'Kay?" She smiled.

"Hell. No. Nira can cheer me on, just like you can."

Xander appeared with the staff, patting the baby on the head. "Hey, sweetie. Help daddy calm down. I've got to go destroy things."

"My turn," Andrew said, taking the staff. He handed Xander Nira before stomping off. Dawn waved, following. "I don't need help."

"Yes you do. I'm an excellent rechargeable battery, 'Drew." She grinned. "I'm so great at it." He snorted but took her hand, blowing up the labs around them. "Wow, what idiots. Xander, they were trying again."

"We knew that," he called, checking Nira over. "They took her blood, 'Drew."

"Fuck that shit," he growled, destroying the rest of the lab. Then he huffed. Dawn took the staff to wave and the building disappeared. "Thanks."

"Welcome." She walked him back, letting him lean on her. "I wanted in on some of the family fun before they make me kids for Buffy to warp." She got them back to the tower, letting Andrew take the staff from her before she went back to the meeting. The demons had watched. They weren't amused. They were really pissed off at Andrew. Dawn showed them why and that made more sense but Andrew could be dangerous. Then the tower got attacked. Xander grabbed the staff and ended the attack in a brutal, physical fighting manner before using the magic in it.

The demons looked at each other. The Oracle there for the Powers That Be shook his head. "We did not realize that about him."

"Duh," Dawn quipped, smiling at him. "You haven't watched Xander making your plans work for you yet. Look what might've happened if he had lost any of his battles in Africa." They looked at that what-if idea, most of them hating what they saw. The rest saw another battle outside Africa. They saw him lose as the what-if. Then they saw the demons taking out all of humanity and spreading to other beings on other planets. Even Asgard did not stand for long.

Dawn clapped her hands, drawing them out of that viewing. She smiled at them. "Do you think we can stop this present problem before they stop this present problem? It's bad enough I have to look up frog care for Willow." She looked down at the kids. Joy and the others were talking about bad guys who weren't shiny, they just weren't worthy of them dealing with by telling Daddy. Stark and the other Avengers were horrified but no one was stopping them. Dawn grinned at them. "They'll make excellent Knights some year soon."

The higher demons shared looks then got down to planning how to end this problem so the children weren't their father remade. They couldn't stand five little Xanders out there handling problems. Humanity would end for some very wrong reason, probably having to do with chocolate.

***

Stark looked up that night, frowning when Dawn appeared with a demon. "Huge emergency? We've barely gotten the kids calmed down."

"No. Solving a huge problem. Because otherwise the kids will turn into miniature Xanders and one miniature Andrew." She grinned. The demon shuddered. "Exactly. That's why we're working on it. I'd have to have kids to tame some of them and I can't have kids so we're all screwed."

The demon nodded. "A few wishes have been struck."

"By?" Stark asked.

"Many beings. Including some demons begging for mercy from the future hunters." He grimaced. Xander and Andrew stomped in together. "Peace, Knight and Raising Mother." Andrew snorted at that name. "You do."

"It's not exactly the best name for a guy. It doesn't have the same sort of clout as 'knight' does."

"We know you're a knight of a different sort," Dawn promised, giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "D'Hoffryn and others have been talking all afternoon about HYDRA and the kids turning into fruits of Xander's tree, and one pear from Andrew's tree." Andrew smirked at her. "I know, I got Buffy's text message too. Yay, had to happen to save everyone. Before Joy takes something shiny out to use on people who upset her daddy or Pepper." Stark shuddered. "Exactly." She smiled at them. She looked over Andrew's shoulder. "Hi, Hoppity. Let us have adult stuff talks. You and Joy go find someone to get you a snack?" The rabbit shook his head. Stark went to get her. Dawn looked at her two favorite guys. "So?"

"Could help," Xander agreed. "Before I have to raise dozens of kids." The demon shuddered, handing over a scroll. He looked it over, handing it to Andrew. "They're not just in the US."

"We know," the demon said. "We're not pleased with their ways either. We'd like humans to move forward and find the reality of true faith to real powers." He disappeared. Their will would be done.

Andrew looked up. "If you do that, we still need money to upkeep and help the kids shop on." The scroll twinkled to change so that was added. He walked off happier, going to give that to Stark while Andrew took Joy and Hoppity back to bed.

"Frog," she creeled, reaching back.

"It's a sick frog. It has to stay in the lab tonight," Andrew said. "You can see the magical frog tomorrow." She grinned, patting him with her rabbit's paw.

Xander shook his head. "How did I make a girly girl like that one?"

Stark looked at him. "No clue how but she's good at it."

Xander nodded. "Often." He walked off thinking about those plans. He could help in a few places so it got better. He got knocked out by a hidden demon so he couldn't help the plans. They didn't want to know what he'd want to do to those sort.

***

A wish demon appeared before D'Hoffryn, shaking her head. "Harris had an idea."

"He often does. Will it harm things?"

"He wished that HYDRA agents had to ingest a small egg as part of their swearing of allegiance. Perhaps one of the smaller imp-like ones. He wasn't sure what type, just that setting them off would end HYDRA."

D'Hoffryn nodded once. "That is particularly nasty." She pulled up the book he had been looking at to show him, but it got summoned back by Andrew. "Hmm. It would not catch all of them but a good majority."

"I believe they'd finally realize their stupidity levels," she countered. "The others would probably hide."

"That would be fine, as long as they quit making future hunters." D'Hoffryn sent that idea to the demons over the HYDRA situation. They liked it. Considered it mean but it was amusing to watch happen.

***

Down on earth, Xander and Andrew looked at the staring Avengers. "They liked the idea of ingesting something to make sure they're loyal," Andrew said with a grin.

"It'll be kinda gross, but...." Xander shrugged. "We won't have dozens more kids each."

"I only have three embryos," Clint quipped. "Thankfully no girls." He looked at the cooing Joyceline, who was cooing over Nira's upset tummy. "Is that normal?"

"Something that's a preservative cranks her tummy," Andrew said. "It's why she couldn't drink formula."

"I'm still going to buy some goats to give us milk and food," Xander quipped.

"If you want to farm you go right ahead," Andrew quipped with a smirk for him. "We'll miss you."

"Zora got offered three goats and ten chickens for her hand in marriage," Xander quipped back. "She actually likes the guy too but they live in the city so she can't have farm animals."

"Are you moving to Bosnia?" Andrew asked.

"Don't tempt me."

"Way too far for visitation," Stark quipped, staring at his daughter. "You fuss very well, Joy." She smirked at him, waving the knife she had stolen. "Don't use that on your sister."

"You hush! Shiny! Not hurt Nira!" She went back to cooing over her.

Jesse grinned at Stark. "We not hurt baby! We show her shiny to make her tummy feel better." He looked at his daddy, who hugged him. "Daddy, shiny more?"

"You already stole all my shinies, Jesse." He pointed at the staff. "That's not the mean one and it'll make your head hurt. Not until you're an adult. That's a big person shiny. Sorry. Want to help me clean emergency portal weapons instead?" The baby got up to dance around with the others joining in. Nira wiggled to her hands and knees to join in. "Aww, you're nearly dancing!" he cooed, hugging her.

Andrew took her to cuddle. "You're so cute." The kids patted her then grabbed their other father to help him get them into the shiny room of shinies. Andrew grinned at his daughter. "Some day you can help Xander shine slayer artillery too." She gummed on his cheek, making him cuddle her. "Want a story?" She cooed, patting him. He settled in to read to her from a magazine that was on the table. She'd never care that it was about weapons. Stark followed Xander and the kids to see what sort of weapons they were still hiding. "He's going to help the big kids while we read," he told her. "Then I'll put you down and go work on my plans for the time stop ray again. We'll enjoy that when the slayers bother me too much." The baby giggled, patting the book so he went back to it.

"You can't do that," Natasha said. "It's impossible."

Andrew grinned at her. "Not hardly. I have one I use in the kitchen. It only stops it for ten minutes but it gives me enough time to calm myself down and not destroy a few of the whiny girls that refuse to do homework and things. One thought we were evil to her by making her go to school. She did not like the talk Xander had with her when he took her to a strip club to introduce her to her future coworkers." He grinned, going back to the story. "She should be calling in sometime later today to whine again. She's on a schedule."

Xander came up, holding his phone. "Buffy's psychic. She just asked for you to come yell at the girls for being whiny cows." He went back to shining weapons with the kids.

Andrew put the phone against his ear and shoulder, tipping his head. "You needed me to yell at which whiny one?" He listened, then groaned, putting it on speaker so the others could hear how badly whiny that one was. "Buffy, tell the whiny thing that women in most of the world only *wish* they could have the opportunities we're giving her. Most of them are married off as soon as they have a cycle and start having kids within a year. They die young, poor, and in horrible shape.

"If she's that against education and all the benefits it brings, take her to the strip club there and introduce her to a sugar daddy. Apparently Xander's talk with her and her future stripper coworkers didn't get through her thick skull." Buffy complained. "Yay. Schooling is mandatory in most *civilized* countries. She's going to school even if I have to walk her in there by her pubic hair each and every morning. Especially with some of the outfits she tried to wear to school that showed said hair," he said dryly.

"She goes or I'm going to spell her to go. I'll spell her to get a PhD and possibly multiple ones. Now, she can act like she has sense or she can be cursed. Which does she want?" Buffy repeated that. They could all hear the girl ranting about that. Andrew looked at the staff, grinning at it. "Tell her I have a *powerful* chaos artifact and I'm not against using it. I don't need this stress on top of the kids. She's not a baby, she shouldn't act like one." Buffy complained a bit.

"Hey, I can temporarily change Willow back from a magical frog," he offered. "Since she tried to kill Nira on us." Buffy swore about that and yelled at the girls making Andrew not stay calm. He needed to be calm before he destroyed people with that staff. "No, I think that's Xander's job. He's *so* much better at destruction." He smiled at Nira.

"Some day you'll be just as good as Daddy Xander at destruction, Nira. Yes you will. We'll both teach you explosives and chemistry stuff. It's like cooking and you'll like that too because I do." She giggled. Buffy groaned and hung up. Andrew tipped his head back. "Xander, I told her to go to school or I was going to curse her to get multiple PhD's," he yelled.

"Don't tempt me," he yelled back. "The first one will be in hypothetical physics based on alternate reality and realms."

Stark came out shuddering. "Some women only want to be trophy wives, Andrew."

"She's not that pretty. She needs a nose job, a boob job, and a lot of working out to make it to the level of pretty enough to be a trophy wife. She's fourteen and she's using her cunt for brains again. It's not allowed. All slayers go to school. I only had one hate it that much and hers had been shot up so she home schooled while she did therapy. Then she went. She's now skipped a grade and she didn't speak a word of english before coming over for her own safety. It's not a high standard, just show up and do the work."

"That's an excellent standard," Natasha agreed. "One I fully agree with. You have clearly remade the calling into something that I can appreciate."

Andrew grinned at her. "I'd hug you but you'd stab me." She smirked and nodded. "That means a lot, Natasha. Thank you." He looked at the baby, who was wiggly. "Let me change you." He took her to the bathroom to change, letting her figure out the walking thing while he cleaned up his own self since she had peed on him. She figured out mobility, going out to bump into Clint to stare up at him.

He grinned down at her. "Nice job, Nira. Very good job." She patted him, still staring. He picked her up, letting her lean in to bite him. "Hey!" He grinned. "Are you hungry?"

Andrew came out pulling on a new shirt. "I think that's her version of a kiss." He took her to look at. "I like that you just walked. It means you can get away from Joy when she's bothering the others." He put her down and pointed. "Daddy Xander and Jesse are that way." He followed her cooing little self. Xander squealed, picking her up to hug her. "She just bit kissed Clint."

"Aww, your first crush! That's so cute!" Xander cooed at her. "He's a good guy to crush on." He let the older ones have her to coo over and help them clean things. Andrew moved in to help too. The kids couldn't use anything like cleaning chemicals but he could.

Out in the living room, Clint was grinning. "I'm a good role model."

"Sometimes, yes," Natasha agreed, smirking at him. "At least she didn't draw blood." She went to giggle by herself in her room. Thankfully without the help of stuffed animals or children. She really didn't understand kids.

***

Bucky woke up, blinking at the staring stuffed animal that had woken him. "Which one of you is it this time? Since that's not Hoppity I know it's not Joy." He sat up, staring at Henry, who was holding up the stuffed wolf. "Morning," he said dryly. "What's wrong?" The stuffed wolf growled some while wiggling up and down. "Is that a hungry growl, a mad growl, or did you just need away from your sisters?" The wolf's paw patted his foot then the boy grinned and ran off. He sighed, following him to make sure he was going somewhere he was supposed to be.

Nope, he was going to the labs. He grabbed the kid before he ran into a lab. "Your daddy would be really unimpressed with you blowing up someone, Henry," he said, carrying him off. "C'mon, back to bed." The wolf got put on his shoulder to stare back at whoever and growled. Bucky paused then looked. He looked at the kid. "They won't hurt you or upset you. None of the animals will need to eat them, even Joy and Hoppity." Henry grinned and kissed him then waved at the ladies. "Sorry, he's confused because you're new. Let's get you back to daddy, Henry."

"No!" he chirped. "Daddy head." He pointed at his forehead. "Big bright."

"Oh, great, a vision," Bucky complained, carrying him back to the suite the family was using. Andrew let him in, taking Henry. "He found new people so the wolf had to come ask me about them."

"I'll talk to him," Andrew promised, staring at the baby.

"He was polite at least. Xander all right? Is it a huge battle?"

"Yes, maybe, and yes. I'd hate to have that battle and it's not ours." He sighed, going to get the tape of the vision. "Hasn't been transcribed yet."

"I'll have Stark do it for you guys." He took it down to Stark's lab. There was music, he was in there. He wasn't fully awake but he snapped awake when Bucky walked in. "Vision. Not transcribed yet." Stark took it to play in his machine, listening to the tired sounding voice that came over the groaning as Xander shifted position. The two shared a look.

"I'll make sure Steve gets it over breakfast. Did they get you up?"

"Henry found new people so the wolf had to check them out." He walked off, going back to bed. He carried Joy and Hoppity back to the lab, handing her to her father so he could go back to his room and be alone. He locked the door to make sure. Even if she had left him a teddy bear. That was sweet of her, but a bit weird. Then again, she was a Stark.

Tony looked at his grinning daughter. "You make him feel a lot better, Joy. We can handle that tomorrow though. You should be napping. It's well past everyone's bedtime." He took her up there, making Andrew huff when he answered the door. "She snuck out?"

"Yes!" He took her, pointing at her bed. "Sleep. Now please." She pouted at him, cuddling her rabbit. "Tonight's not the night to sneak out, Joyceline. Daddy Xander's head is throbbing. We don't need this tonight."

"We can take her in for tonight," Tony promised, taking her and the other kids besides Nira up to his suite to settle in with them. The tape got transcribed by JARVIS for him. The kids settled down for him and went right to sleep in their pile of stuffed animal friends. It was nice. Very comforting.

***

On the news the next morning, the news people were grossed out by the sudden happening of exploding people. Even when someone explained *why* they were still grossed out. Then one heard the statement from Buffy, looking at who had exploded and why. That got a whole other storm started by lunch about 'so and so were HYDRA'. They were not happy about all that. Especially with how many agents, world leaders, and people in judicial seats around the world got exposed. The two biggest conservatives on the Supreme Court? Yup. The former President? Yup. The current VP? Yup. Half of Congress had to be mopped up off the floor after the demon egg burst out of them during a debate. The news people were so happy. Grossed out that the demon started to dance around but happy that so many had fallen.

Everyone else...well, Staring in Awe day might get an official holiday soon.

***

In a certain command plane, Coulson looked at his formerly hidden HYDRA agent that was kept confined in the conference room. "Why aren't you exploding?"

"He said that he forgot a step of my initiation but no one would mind," he said quietly, staring at him. "I'm rather glad of that now."

Coulson nodded. "That would be a mess to clean up." He walked off, letting the others keep watch on him for now. Any who were left would probably be hiding in case they got exploded too. It'd make things easier on everyone.

***

Stark showed up the day after things calmed down. "Okay," he said as he walked into the slayer house. "Andrew, Xander?" he called. The slayers all stared at him from the living room. He grinned. "Hi, ladies." They mostly waved.

Andrew came down the stairs holding Nira and handed her over then went back upstairs. "It's bath time. It's gonna be a few."

Tony looked at the naked baby, taking her up to diaper and dress in an outfit Pepper had gotten her. "There, now you look like a cute little girl." She giggled, letting him take her back to the bathroom to lean in the doorway. "Joy, are you playing?" he asked with a smile.

"Nope," she said, smiling at him and shaking her head. "Boys have butts."

"All people have butts, theirs are just being cleaned," Xander said, pulling her out. She climbed back in. "No, you're clean. Let your dad get you dressed." She pouted. "If you're a good girl we'll see if we can find a kiddy pool for the backyard." Andrew gave him a dirty look. "A tiny one, 'Drew. One you fill with a hose and then sit in the shade watching the kids splash in water that's about that deep."

"You have fun with that. I've got stuff I've got to clean and do."

"Ladies, go change your rooms," Xander called, tipping his head toward the door. "Andrew's too tired to change all your sheets and you should be cleaning your own rooms anyway. Things are back to normal and Andrew is not your slave."

"Yes, Xander," they complained, coming up to do that.

One leaned in, waving at the waving boys. "I changed my sheets last night, Andrew. I bled on them because my back reopened. I used the pretreater on the stains."

"I'm looking at that later," Xander ordered. "Since you're off patrol, we're going looking for a kiddy pool and a hose."

"I'll price shop online so we only have to run in," she quipped, heading back downstairs. The boys all pouted, she could hear them being pouty. "If you don't get clean, you can't swim," she called back. "That's pool rules, guys." Suddenly there was splashing going on. She grinned at Stark, who smirked back.

Tony looked at the two guys. "Now that HYDRA's done for, we need to talk about a certain staff, guys." Joy wiggled so he took her to dress her and came back to corral the girls for them. "There, great?" They grinned up at him. "Do you two have bathing suits?" He texted Pepper at Andrew's head shake. She sent down where they were found. "Hmm. Ambrose...."

"We don't go there. They hate us there," Xander said. "One of them followed us to try to blow up my car. That whole mall is full of slayer hating people."

"I'm not Council, Xander. If they hate me, I'll buy the stupid mall and foreclose." He smirked.

Xander snorted, shaking his head. "The owners are fundies. Half the stores are run by fundies. Even the Starbucks is run by fundies and goes against corporate policy on things." Stark grimaced. "Try Marshal's."

Tony sent that note back to Pepper, who sent back a glare but found where he could go for the kids' bathing suits. "I can do that. What size do the boys wear?" Andrew handed over a pair of jeans while trying to contain Jesse's wiggling to wash his hair. "Boys, be good boys like Pepper and Steve would want," Tony said without looking. They quit being wiggly. "I can do that. Let me take the girls with me. They're always harder to fit and picky about clothes."

"Carseats are in my car," Xander said. "It might be unlocked."

"I can pick locks," Tony assured him, carrying the two girls off. They were more than happy to help Tony get them things.

Xander and Andrew shared a look. "No more joint baths unless they toss paint on themselves."

"Agreed." They got two of the boys out and got to work on the other two. Then they were done so they gathered the escaping naked babies to get dressed. The slayers were more than happy to hand back the annoying naked boys.

***

Stark showed up that night at the tower with the staff in a special carrying case. It had given him a headache when he had touched it so it was safely out of touching range. He also had Joy and Hoppity with them, Hoppity in a carrier like a real pet. He handed Joy to Steve then went to the lab. "I'll be right back. Let me lock this up."

"Let Hoppity out!" she demanded.

"Say please," Steve ordered, staring at her. "You have to have some manners, Joyceline." She scowled at him. He grinned. "Can't you say please?"

"No!"

Clint walked past, taking the carrier to let the rabbit onto the chair. "There you go, Joy." He took her to put in front of the toy. She climbed up to cuddle it, staring up at him. "What?"

"Candy?"

"Ask your daddy. You stole all mine." He smirked.

"Shoot. Miss Tashy?"

"I don't think she has any but if you see her you can ask her." She grinned. "Though I'd be more polite than you were with Steve. Please gets you things." She huffed but cuddled down with her rabbit. He looked at Steve. "She's sure he's real," he mouthed. "And she's not three yet." He went into the kitchen to get some coffee, coming out to sit down. Stark came up, picking up Joy and her rabbit to sit underneath them. The carrier got put down. "Long trip?"

"Her ear hurt and her nose started to bleed." She cuddled him, putting the rabbit on her stomach to cuddle them both.

"She scowled when I told her to say please," Steve said.

Tony nodded. "She's using it sometimes but she's still too young to understand why, Steve. She still belches in her brothers' ears then excuses herself. The guys try but sometimes she doesn't listen. She'll learn as she gets older." Steve nodded. He looked at her. "Why are you pouting?"

"Candy?"

"Candy's a treat. You don't need treats when you're sick. Besides, dinner is soon."

She pouted at him. "Candy for dinner?"

"No. Candy's not a dinner food. Dinner food isn't a treat and candy is a *treat*." She pouted but cuddled in again. He rolled his head back to look up. Then at Clint. "She try you already?"

"I reminded her she stole all mine."

"Miss Tashy?" she asked.

"I have no idea where she is," Stark admitted.

"Me either," Clint said. He pulled out his phone to text her. She came off the elevator a minute later, handing Joyceline a small fuzzy duck. Clint grinned at that trick.

Joy looked at the duck then at her. "It's a quacker."

"It's a duck. Ducks and rabbits get together to play in the spring," she said.

"Oooh. What's spring?" she asked her father.

"A time of the year but they can play anytime. Your Hoppity is a great friend and likes to play with you so he'll like to play with your new friend. What's her name?"

Joyceline stared at the duck, turning it over a few times. "It's fuzzy."

"It's a young duck, like you're a little girl. If it grows up it'll be an adult duck and have adult feathers. Like Auntie Natasha," Stark said with a grin for her. Natasha rolled her eyes but smiled at the child.

"Hmm. So you a little ducky like I'm a little girl." She stared at it a few more times, turning it over and over. "Ask Henry?" she chirped, smiling at him. "He names things."

"We can call him tonight." She hugged both animals to Natasha then her daddy, cuddling up with him.

"Candy?" Joy asked her with a hopeful grin.

"Candy isn't good for you. You need to eat things that are good for you so you can grow up to be a big girl like Pepper and myself."

"Oooh. Veggies?" she asked with a wince.

Natasha smirked, nodding. "They are important for eating right, yes."

"Fine. Boys get cookies."

"I'll talk to Andrew to remind him about proper eating before they're so small they never grow up." She strolled off. "Let me know what you name her, Joy."

Tony poked her and mouthed 'thank you'. "Thank you, Miss Tashy!" she called, waving at her.

"You're very welcome, Joy."

She grinned, cuddling her animals. "Call Henry now?"

"Sure, we can see if he's up." He turned on that program on his tablet, letting her wave at Andrew. "She wanted Henry to name her new baby duck."

"Miss Tashy gave," she said, holding her up. Upside down but still up.

"Aww, that's sweet of Miss Natasha, sweetheart." He looked then got Henry, carrying him back. "Here, she wants your help to name her new friend."

"Miss Tashy gave," she said, holding it up. "Is little duck like little girl."

Henry blinked then grinned. "Is Fluffy Duck."

"Cool!" She grinned at him. "We no have cookies. Miss Tashy said veggies mean you grow up. Cookies mean stay in diapers." Henry grimaced but looked at Andrew, who nodded.

"That's why I've been slowly cutting down on your cookie habit, yup. You have to start eating better." Henry sniffled but wiggled down to tell the others. Andrew grinned at her. "We'll see you in a few days, Joy."

"'Kay! Have cookies?"

"Sure, we can have a cookie when you get home." He hung up after a wave. He could giggle with Xander later.

Tony put his tablet down, letting her sit up with her new friend. She ran in to tell Tasha her name then came back to cuddle some more. Her ear still hurt. "Need thingy," she told him. "Ear."

"We can do that later. We can show them a picture until we order one. Our docs are super smart, they can do the pictures." She nodded, leaning on him again. He kissed her forehead. "You have a fever, young lady. Let's go have someone look at your ear." She grabbed both friends, letting her father carry them all down to the infirmary.

Clint grinned at Natasha when she came out. "Nice one."

"Thank you. It'll save your candy stash."

"I hope."

She settled down with her snack. It was a good night watching Tony fuss at his daughter. It was entertaining because others got into it with him.

***

Joy and the other kids were back home, and had snuck out of the house. The slayers were sniffly. The daddies were cranky. The Xander daddy had booboos that made hugging them nearly impossible because he couldn't bend. So they had to be good kids and help the daddies. It made real sense to them. So they were sneaking out of the house. They didn't realize someone was up a tree staring at them but he was. They went to look in the building out back. It had nasty stuff like the loud machine that made the lawn messy and the stuff Daddy Andrew had let them play with to clean up the messy lawn. Jesse had seen a thing though, a doorway. They figured out how it opened, Daddy Tony had cabinets that opened the same way. It was easily opened and they all had to haul on the door to open it. They stared.

"Shiny," Arlin cooed.

"Grr!" Henry said, holding his tiger to his chest. "Grr get mad."

Joy hugged him. "Grr not get mad, silly. Grr likes shiny."

"Grr get mad because Daddy shinies."

Joy grinned at him. "Daddy shares shinies. We clean shinies. We love shinies."

"Grr fine," Henry sighed. The others cooed and hugged him before climbing down to look at the shinies. Henry looked outside. "Bad guy!" he shouted, pointing. They ran inside. The bad guy tried to capture them but Daddy Xander appeared and hurt him. "Daddy!"

"Go inside," he ordered. "I'll deal with this." He went out to relock the bigger problem solvers' vault then put something heavy on top of it. He came out to see who he had shot, smiling at the guy laying there. "Did you not learn when the rest of them had their demon eggs explode?"

"Not them," he groaned. "Want DiNozzo."

"Hey, Arlin, call your daddy," he called. "This bad guy wanted him." He stared at him. Arlin ran out the phone with a grin. "Good boy, thank you. Go back inside. You don't need to pick on the bad guy. He might give you bad ideas. Then you'd take Nira and Andrew's fun from them." He put the phone against his ear. "The bad guy that tried to pounce the wandering children said he wanted you," he said at the growling. "Sorry, Gibbs. I told him to call his dad. Ah! Hospital time. I've been there. Recently even.

"What do you want me to tell the police?" He waved the staring officer over. "Tried to grab the kids. I have a federal agent on the phone." He held it out with a grin. "He wants to find out about this bad guy my kids nearly destroyed. I have to go talk to them about leaving the higher powered shiny weapons alone. Don't take off with my phone?" He walked inside to talk to his kids.

The officer listened to the growling on the phone. "Agent, may I have your identity please?" He heard and nodded. "I've heard of your agency and your Agent DiNozzo. Oh, his boss. That's fine, Agent Gibbs. I have a white male suspect with a lower stomach gunshot wound in the scarily large class begging for medical attention, sir." He listened and looked down. "He wanted to know why you wanted DiNozzo?"

"Case," he moaned, holding his stomach. "Please?"

"He said it's about a case, Agent Gibbs. Yes, I can do that and have the local office show up to get him for you. Thank you, Agent Gibbs. I'll do that." He hung up and called that in. Xander came out to get his phone. "Their local office will gladly come get him from the ER, sir. What did you use?" Xander held up his handgun. "Ah, one of those. I haven't seen those in practice. Makes a pretty mess."

Xander grinned. "I'm making wooden bullets for it too." He went inside. "Have fun with him."

"Thank you, Mr. Harris." Other officers rushed in to help him and the suspect. "He used a huge caliber handgun."

"I can see that," one of the other officers said. "Why?"

"He tried to grab the kids to get the father of one that's in NCIS."

The officers nodded and they gathered him so the paramedics could clean up the mess. There weren't any other bad guys waiting to pounce the kids so that was a good thing. The Council really needed some quiet time to calm down.

***

Tony Stark hung up with his daughter then called Harris. He assumed Xander was out on patrol since the kids had said he was 'out being grr'. "What higher shiny weapons did they find under the messy lawn stuff?" he asked dryly. Xander quipped something about needing certain bigger things for incidences like invasions. And that it wasn't the Council's, it was his. He had collected it and let them borrow it. "Should someone like Gibbs not hear about those?"

Xander quipped about the permissions to hoard weapons. "Uh-huh. Should I come look them over to make sure they work? Yeah, I can do that. Oh, zoo trip tomorrow. The kids didn't mention that... good idea not to tell them until you're on your way, yeah. Fine, I'll see you tomorrow and I'll chaperone on the zoo trip." He hung up with a moan, calling Pepper. "Harris won higher weapons at kitten poker." He hung up and went to get something for his headache. It didn't get any better when Natasha held up a faxed statement that Harris and the Council could hoard weapons.

***

Tony Stark was in the park with the kids. The zoo was their next stop once they had worn out some of their energy running around the playground. Xander was presently letting Nira eat her yummy pureed veggies on a nearby table. All the stuffed animals were at home, thankfully, and Tony was still in mental trauma over the weapons Xander had shown him to make him quit complaining about him having a rpg missile hidden. Now that the kids were winding down, they could eat a small snack, then go to the aquarium part of the zoo. The kids hadn't seen fish yet. Which would probably lead to more stuffed animals but oh well. The wolf, tiger, and Hoppity would all protect the poor fish from everything he guessed.

Xander grinned at him. "Bad thoughts?" he quipped.

"Many," Stark complained. "Including that they'll want fish pets."

"No real, live pets for slayers because we might have to evacuate the house quickly. Pets don't get moved fast enough usually. Sorry but no."

"I get that," Stark agreed. He looked at the kid staring up at him. "What's up, Jesse?" The kid pointed. "That's a reporter."

"Grr needs to eat, should feed to Grr."

"We can do other things with reporters so Grr the tiger doesn't have to eat them. Daughter, what are you doing?" he demanded, standing up. Joy had just turned, dropped her shorts, and flashed her butt at the reporter then farted loudly. "That's not a good thing, Joyceline. Pepper will be *very* mad. C'mere please. Let's get you cleaned up again."

Joy pouted at him. "She bad lady."

"Yay," Tony said dryly.

Xander pointed. "Tree. Face it like it's the corner after Tony cleans your tiny butt." He stared at her until she looked down. "That is an adult thing, not a kid thing. That's for me to do."

"The reporter might like it if you flashed her instead," Tony quipped. He walked his daughter off to the park bathroom, not letting her touch anything but the diaper bag had wipes so he could make sure she didn't have debris on her. Then they'd have a talk about good girl behavior. Or he'd call Pepper and let her talk to Joy about good girl behavior since he wasn't a girl and never had been.

Xander looked at the reporter. "I will have you eaten," he said loudly. "Get away from my kids." They ran off. "Thanks!" he called with a wave, cracking the boys up. "You guys can't do that either." They came over to grab Nira, taking her to play in the sand with them. "Okay, sure." He packed up the remains of lunch and put it into the basket under the stroller. He pushed it over to where the boys were. "Who wants a snack?" They all ran over to get something to nibble from him, him letting Nira suck on a bit of cracker with them. Tony came back with Joy, who got her snack and went to sit facing a tree for a few minutes.

Tony shook his head, watching over the kids. They'd handle things. Then talk about the weapons after the kids went to bed. When he found out what Xander really had on his inventory Tony had a migraine. Thankfully his daughter was mostly still normal. She liked shiny jewelry more than she liked shiny weapons. Pepper would have a lot to work with to get Joy to be a normal girl instead of a hunter.

***

Tony Stark got a call from Tony DiNozzo. "Yeah?" he asked, not paying much attention since he was in the middle of a flight test.

"Stark, do you know anything about the rumors of Xander hoarding weapons? Arlin mentioned shinies and the only thing I know he calls that name is weapons."

"He's got governmental permission to hoard weapons." He banked then pulled up suddenly, having to restart the new prototype jet boots. "Sorry, flying test."

"I didn't realize you were busy, sorry myself. Um...will the current government say that?"

"Yes. It was signed by the guy before the one found to be HYDRA. It's for him specifically and then the slayers have one. He has one from a few governments."

"Oh, okay. Should I worry about how bad it is?"

"I am," he quipped, smiling some. "But he doesn't let the kids pet anything too high anymore. We had a talk about why my daughter was sitting on a disarmed bomb that was going to be used to stop an upcoming battle with a portal. Xander agreed we could set nice limits on what the kids could play with." DiNozzo groaned. "We had a great talk about that by the kiddie pool in the back yard after I made him brag about his weapons. I'm still wondering who he gets them from."

"His ex's," DiNozzo said dryly. "Should I worry? There's agents up there today."

"Xander agreed to let a few agents test into being watcher trainees. JARVIS, is there a problem at the main Council house?" he asked.

"No, sir. The trainee agents are in testing. The problem is from the protestors right now. They're being a bit problematic but I believe some have been paid to be there by what they're doing. One was complaining about actor's unions mandatory breaks within press hearing." He put up the live taping from the house in Cleveland. Tony stopped flying and hovered, watching it. Then he took off flying. "Sir, you really shouldn't test the boots that heavily yet."

"JARVIS, that's one of the Ten Rings guys in the white hoodie," Stark said. "Pepper ID'd him to Hill. Tell Hill. DiNozzo, I'm heading down there now. If you or Gibbs want to talk about weapons we can do that then?"

"Sure, I'll let the boss know. Be safe, Stark. Let us know if we can help." He hung up.

Pepper rang through almost instantly. "What are you doing?"

"One of the guys in the Ten Rings ID file Hill has is in Cleveland pretending to be a picketer at the house," he said.

"You have fun with that," she said then hung up, calling for someone to find her Maria Hill.

"Nothing like a long test flight," Tony quipped. "JARVIS, spin me some tunes please?" Music came on for him. Tony landed a short while later right on top of the guy, staring down at him. "Not like we didn't see you. Pepper saw you just fine," he sneered.

Buffy walked out, looking at the slightly smooshed guy then at him. "Is he a bad guy?"

"Yup, sure is."

"Great. Can you come get the other bad guys out of the closet? Andrew got really pissed off at them earlier and had Xander stack them in there when he froze them with his ray gun thingy he uses on the cranky slayers instead of yelling at them. We can't shut the closet anymore and the agents are all scared to deal with it for them because Xander's giving the watcher trainee test. The kids are having *way* too much fun trying to poke the frozen bad guys and it's probably a bad thing to teach them."

"Yeah, I can do that," he promised, stomping off with her. The local police officers gathered the one he had landed on. "Call Stark Industries and talk to Maria Hill, guys. She's the former second-in-command at SHIELD and can pull up his file." They nodded, one making that call with a picture sent. Tony stomped in.

"Dada!" Joy shrieked, running over to hug his leg. "Shiny dada!" She beamed at Buffy. "My shiny!"

"He's very shiny and I'm so happy you like shiny things, Joyceline." She patted her on the head. "Let him have the frozen pizza bad guys. Then you can have the shiny daddy." Xander strolled out to grab the kids, taking them back to the testing room. "Are any passing?"

"At least a quarter have already passed my tests, the rest we're still seeing," Xander said.

"Cool. We could use more guys." She looked at Stark. "Can't you calm him down?" she asked quietly.

He put up his face shield to stare at her. "Not like I impregnated him the usual way, Summers." She shuddered as she walked off, rubbing at her ears. Tony opened the door to the closet the kids were trying to get into. The few bad guys in there were frozen.

"The others are in the closet by the laundry room," Andrew called. "It's full but I let the kids frisk them for weapons first."

"Thanks. I want to check out that ray gun later, Andrew." He found that closet and opened it. They were haphazardly stacked in there on top of each other. The local PD guys came in to help him cart them off.

"Mr. Wells, will our usual stopper for spells work on them?" an officer called.

"No. I used my freeze ray on them. It'll wear off in twenty more minutes for the oldest ones. It's got a four hour time limit."

"Thank you, Mr. Wells." Xander leaned out. "Mr. Harris, problems?"

"We let the kids frisk them for weapons. The boys so love weapons." He grinned. "They're in the oven so no one could play with them. The slayers are afraid of the oven and the kids can't reach it yet."

"Sure, we can gather those too. Thanks, Mr. Harris." One officer went to get those weapons. It was a good sized pile in the oven. Once it was cleared out, Andrew turned on the oven to start working on dinner. They hauled the guys out to the wagon they called, letting the driving officers pack them into the back and hitch them in.

Xander strolled out, kissing one of the guards. "Hi, Bob."

"Xander," he said with a smile back.

"Why are you PD suddenly?"

"A few we wanted to talk to about the still missing embryos."

"I have them," Stark called.

"Cool, thanks, Mr. Stark." He took another kiss. "We'll be nice and deliver them safely, Xander." He cooed. "Hi, Arlin!" He picked him up to cuddle. "Such a good boy."

"They no have shinies. We checked," he said.

Bob hugged him. "That's a great idea." He kissed him on the head, handing him back to daddy. "There's at least two HYDRA agents in there."

"I know and so far they've passed all the tests. Which I'm not sure is a great thing or not. I'm trying to decide if they're making up for bad habits or if they're plants."

"I can go ask." Bob strolled in with him, going into that room. The agents all stared. He grinned. "Hi, guys. I'm sure some of you know me." He took off his hat, looking at two guys. "I know who you were. What makes you think I want you near the vulnerable little slayers that think Xander is a big brother?"

"I was blackmailed into it," one said quietly. "I haven't held up any HYDRA ideals ever, Former Agent McCarthy."

Bob smiled. "That's my brother. I'm Bob, not Simon." The agents who realized who he was moaned. He grinned at them. "Pretty sounds, guys. Thanks. We adore the slayers and I've helped Xander a number of times. Including watching them during a battle." He looked at the other one. "There's questions about you being a plant to get near the slayers or the kids."

"No, sir. I hate kids, but the job needs to be done. I may believe we need stronger higher ups because a lot of people are sheep but I'd never hurt the protectors. They need a lot of help."

"They do," Bob agreed, looking at Xander. "I can question them for you."

"If they pass the rest of the test we'll see. I will not allow anything to harm the slayers or my kids." He grinned at the room. "By the way, Jesse, hand back the shinies please." He pouted but gave them back their shiny things. Mostly knives.

"He's real good at patting people down," one of the agents said. "I kept him from my ankle holster."

Xander smiled. "He knows what not to touch on a gun already. I made sure. They help me clean mine every week." The room moaned but nodded. He looked at the HYDRA guys. "I'm still debating because of the HYDRA stuff. Frankly, I'm really tired of having to deal with HYDRA, especially since they made the kids." They both nodded they knew that. "You'll have to vow under truth spell. I'll get one of the coven to do it so it's not Willow." He kissed Bob again. "Dinner?"

"Hmm," he said, smiling at him. "Unfortunately going to Algeria to meet someone further down the continent. Next time I'm in town?"

"Sure. Let me know." He took another kiss, letting the kids hug Bob before he left. He looked at the agents, smiling. "Bob's been *very* helpful for the last few years. Once I explained why I was protecting one singular little girl in an African village from most of the rest of the village, plus explained what a slayer was, he's been *so* helpful. Including helping us find things for battles."

Buffy leaned in. "Bob's a really nice guy. He got Willow a muzzle once but he's fed a few slayers chocolate because they were pouty. We like Bob, but not his job always." She walked off again.

Xander smiled at them. "That was Buffy in case you didn't know. The oldest slayer. Yes, she wore that skirt on patrol before." A few nodded, grimacing. "I've had to help a few of the girls find reasonable patrol outfits. So will future watchers." They all nodded. "Including culturally necessary restrictions in a few cases." That got another mass nod. "So let's get back to the training section, guys." He got back to the lecture, letting the kids hand out the packets of information. They loved doing it and were almost as helpful as Bob was.

***

Xander looked up from his handing Nira a bottle of water, staring where the screaming people were running away from. "Huh," he said. "That's not good." He looked around, no obvious spots of cover or refuge within easy jogging distance in this part of the zoo. He had all the kids and two baby slayers. "This is very not good." He looked for non-traditional areas to sit and wait out the animal attack. "There," he decided, pushing the stroller that way.

He found an easy step and pushed Henry up first. "Help your siblings and the baby slayers up there. Now, Henry." Henry helped grab his siblings and the two baby slayers, then the diaper bag. Daddy shoved the stroller up then had to turn to change the load in his pistol. "Tranq darts," he muttered, then fired at the lion ranging toward him. He hopped up and pulled his feet up, arranging the kids so they weren't anywhere near the edge.

A security guard came running. "What are you doing?"

"Dude, the lion's out," he said with a point at it. "I've got tranq darts loaded and seven kids. Not like you had good shelter out here!"

The guard called that in. "We think there's only the one out."

Xander pointed. "The lion cage is fully open and there were three in there earlier. I can also see an open cage to the north of that one but behind it. Not sure what that one is."

The guard called that in, wincing as he got confirmation. "Can you sit up there?"

"For at least an hour. I've got six more tranq darts."

"Why do you have those?" the guard asked.

Xander looked. "I'm Council. Feel lucky I have something as mundane as tranquilizers."

"I can do that," he agreed, calling in that guy's position and that one lion was down.

An animal handler came jogging over. "Sir, what strength of tranq darts do you have?" he called as he checked the lion.

"I spent three years in Africa. It'll stop a lion, an elephant, or a huge demon. It has done all those." Xander waved with a grin when the guy stared at him. "Including a female lion that was probably pregnant and stayed pregnant. I can't let them have the kids. They might try to keep them. They do love animals." The baby slayers both cooed and waved at the guy. "There's seven kids with me. You guys don't have any good shelter out here to take refuge in."

"Sure," the animal handler agreed. He called that in and got that lion moved. A few more animals came closer to where Xander and the kids were.

Xander looked over, pulling the kids closer. "Look, guys. That's an Asian tiger. They're from where Shami is from." The kids all oohed at that. "Shami's oldest uncle actually got bitten by one of those. That's a female tiger," he said with a point. The boys all 'grr'd at it. Xander grinned. "Yeah, they do that." One of the tigers let out a hunting call. "Oh, try it, bitch," he called. "I doubt you'll make it." The tiger tried to leap up and got sedated. "See, told ya so." He looked at the kids, smiling down at them. "That's another lion. See all the hair? That means it's a boy lion, kids."

They oohed at that. "That's a female one," he said with a point at her. He sedated her when she tried to get to them. One of the males tried as well and got the same sort of dart. "I have two darts left. Let's hope they manage to get them soon." He looked down at the baby slayer. "I'd change that but now is not the time. Can it wait five minutes?" She pouted but nodded. "Cool." He pointed out the monkeys that had been released. One of them joined them and Xander let him have some of the snacks they had. They weren't going to be violent toward the kids. When one tried to grab Nira he swatted it and it stopped. "Thanks." They went back to explaining the animals to the kids.

More handlers came running. "Sir, what did you give the chimpanzee?" she called.

"Cotton candy and popcorn. He basically stole it from the stroller."

"That's not a male."

He shot her a dirty look. "I can see the dick sheathe. Yes it is." She groaned. "Can you maybe finish gathering the dangerous ones? One of the baby slayers needs changed. I don't want to do that when they might try to attack us."

"They should be all gotten but we'll know in about five minutes. Can she wait?"

"Definitely. She has so far." The handler nodded and called that in. Xander pointed for the monkey then tossed down an apple that had been in the diaper bag. The chimp fled down to get the treat.

"Thanks." Xander grinned back. When they got the all clear, Xander handed down the stroller. "I'll hand the kids down to you, put them in the stroller." The female handler nodded, taking the kids from him to put into the stroller. Xander came down last with the diaper bag. "Thanks for the saving. Let me go change her."

"Sir, do you know what happened?"

"I was handing over a bottle of water when screaming and running started. There's no shelter out here that might be effective, the trees are too scrawny to climb up safely, and that was the only way the kids were going to be safe without me having to harm something seriously. Prey just out of reach is watched. Prey running is pounced and eaten. I learned that in Africa."

"You've been?" she asked.

"I was the head watcher there for three years."

"Oh! That makes more sense about the tranq bullets." Xander nodded, walking the stroller off. "There's a bathroom behind the monkey cages if you want. The train's not running."

"I can get her behind a tree. They hate the train. But thanks." He smiled. "Have fun with whoever did that." She nodded, going to gather the monkeys back into their enclosures. She came out, finding him finishing up the diaper changing, then they strolled off again.

Xander answered his phone. "We're fine. We were on top of the chimp enclosure while the dangerous things were wandering through the zoo," he said in greeting.

"Zoo!" the kids squealed.

"We're in the zoo. We're going to have some cookies with Andrew, then come back to the zoo next week," he said over the squealing. "No, we're good, DiNozzo. They're all fine. The chimp really loved Nira and the baby slayers. He patted them and searched through their hair for them. And Henry's. Henry thought the monkey was cuddly." He smiled. "Here, talk to the kids. There's a zoo official." He handed the phone to Arlin. "It's your other daddy." He squealed and babbled with the other kids' helping. Xander smiled at the guy in the suit. "I didn't have a thing to do with them getting free."

"We saw on the security cameras, sir."

"Xander Harris, head watcher in the US, formerly the head watcher in Africa."

"So you knew what you were doing," he said with a smile.

"Yes, I was getting the kids out of the range of being prey."

"That's a good idea. Are they all right?"

"Yeah. They all needed a diaper change when we got down but that's about normal for kids." He shrugged. "They had a lot of fun with the chimp."

"We saw." He smiled at the kids then at him. "Tranqs?"

"I carry them usually, some silver loaded, a few holy water washed ones, and some explosive tipped. Plus a few stakes and a survival knife. It was a bad habit I learned down there."

"I can understand that. Thank you for your help."

"Not a problem. I would've went somewhere more official but there wasn't anything better out there. The trees were too scrawny to hold me, much less the kids."

"Good point. We'll look into putting in some emergency shelters. It'd help when it rains too." He shook his hand. "Going home?"

"They can come back next week, when they don't want to pet or cuddle the furry things. They all really love furry things like tigers."

"That's most reasonable. Let me make sure you get passes for entry." He made that call. "Just stop by the office on the way out." Xander shook his hand and walked off. The official called in after they had left, going to check the animals. "Did the tranqs hurt them?"

"No, it was a good dosage," one of the handlers said. "Not too strong but definitely strong enough. It was nice how the beta male chimpanzee took over nurturing roles for the kids too." She got back to work checking over the ones the staff had darted to contain. "I think ours are stronger than his were. His are starting to wake up." The other handlers got out of the way. Tigers and lions were not happy campers when they woke up from being sedated but it was something they could handle.

***

Tony DiNozzo hung up when the kids did, putting his head on the desk. He banged it a few times until someone put a stack of papers under his forehead. He looked up at Abby. "They were in the zoo when someone let the dangerous animals out. They ended up hiding on top of the chimpanzee exhibit to protect the kids. He had a few mini slayers too."

Abby smiled at him. "The kids love animals."

"They tried to keep the chimp, Abby."

"Of course they did." She hugged him then bounced off. "Tell Stark, Tony."

"I can do that. I'm sure they'll be amused." He sent an email to them then put his head back down. He had a headache. It was lion shaped.

***

In New York, Pepper looked up at the beep since she was on the couch. "What was that?"

"That was an email from NCIS," JARVIS said.

She pulled out her phone to look at it. "Oh my fucking god," she growled. "STARK!" He came up on the next elevator. She held up the phone so he could read it.

Stark looked up the footage, letting her see it. She was still growling. "At least he protected the kids and the mini slayers." The growling was still there. "He did protect them."

"Who let the animals out?" she growled.

He looked that up on the footage he hacked from the zoo, nodding. He let her see it. "We can find out who they are."

"Do. So."

Stark walked off nodding, sending out a text message to DiNozzo, Gibbs, and the whole of his team.

Natasha walked into the lab blotting her neck sweat off with a towel. "What happened?" He put up the footage. She blinked. "A simple solution, though nicely done. Tranquilizers. Hmm." Stark looked at her. "Joy isn't petting the animals."

"Good! Pepper's growling. Figure out who this is?" She took the printouts of the people. "Any idea?"

"One's SHIELD."

He blinked a few times. "Really?"

"I'll talk to someone." She walked off, downloading that footage from the lab onto her phone for Clint to see. Clint stopped boxing to stare at it, then started to glare at the phone. She held up the pictures. "They let the animals out."

"That was a bad song," he complained. "I recognize two."

"She's SHIELD."

"She's a dead woman." They went to find them to...talk to them. Before Harris did. He wouldn't save them any if he found them first. Though they debated who'd make the worst mess: Andrew or Xander.

***

"I want one really good reason why I shouldn't take the kids out of the US," Xander said as he walked into the kitchen that night after putting all the kids down.

"I'd kill your ass for custody of our daughter?" Andrew guessed.

"Beyond that. You could visit. You know I'd let you visit."

"I can't see you making DiNozzo or Stark hike for a visit either and I'd still kill you." He grinned, holding out a brownie. "Totally non poisoned chocolatey goodness?"

"Thanks." He nibbled, nodding. "I'm so damn glad I'm immune to most poisons." He walked off. Andrew groaned, doing another test on them. Sure enough, the heat of the baking had activated the poison in that brownie mix. Andrew went to snatch the brownie from Xander and toss it into the incinerator with the rest of them.

Andrew came back out to the office to stare at Xander. "Do you have a will?"

"Yup." He smiled at him. "It states that Willow and Buffy are not allowed anywhere near the kids, especially not Joy. It also states that it's up to you, Stark, and DiNozzo to split up the kids that don't have living parents left."

"That's cool. I need to make one for Nira."

"You need to make one because of all the patents and stuff you inherited from your geek buddies. Plus your comic book collection so the state doesn't sell it for taxes."

"Point." He went to write out a list of what he owned, inherited, and had created. It was a pretty long list and that was without his comic book collection's index. "Yeah, I need to do that." He sent an email out to Gunn in LA to see if he could help him with it. He had a lot of law knowledge thanks to that transfer and Wolfram and Hart being dicks to them.

"We're going to LA in two weeks for the watcher meeting over the next huge problem," Xander called. "That means Faith's in charge while we're gone."

"Fuck you!" Faith yelled from upstairs. "I'm not babysitting that long!"

"Never expect you to," Xander quipped back. "The kids would turn you into a spoiling, cuddly aunt, Faith. They're going with us. You just have to patrol and that stuff for a week."

"Fine." Her door slammed.

Xander grinned at Nira, who was on his lap refusing to sleep. "See, Auntie Faith's not mad at anyone." He got back to dealing with reports from the slayers. Someone had to do it and Giles sure wasn't. He forwarded two of them to NCIS since it dealt with human stupid people instead of demon stupid people.

***

Xander came out of the airplane's walkway, looking at the kids. Nira was on Andrew's chest in a snuggli. The other four were holding hands, with the first one holding his and the last one holding Andrew's. "Baggage is to the right and down," he told him. Andrew nodded, letting him lead the way. The kids were staring at everything in awe but were behaving. It made up for the hellions they turned into on the plane when they wouldn't nap for anything and demanded multiple stories in their loudest voices. Andrew had resorted to bribery every hour to stop it when Xander couldn't. A few of their fellow passengers glared at him but Xander stared back. They went on their way as soon as they could.

Xander got the stroller first, then the two bags they had between them. Andrew had carried on his bag of necessary things and Xander had carried on the overstuffed diaper bag with things for the kids to do. They unfolded the stroller first, letting the kids climb into their usual spots. Nira went into hers. "Rental car," Xander said, pointing the way. They loaded the bags onto the back of the stroller, making the security guards checking tags smile at them. "Sure beats flying back from Africa with them," he quipped to one. "Even if they were younger then."

"In town on business, sir?" a TSA agent asked with a smile.

"Yes, Slayer business." The guy's eyes went wide and he backed away slowly. Xander smiled. "You guys get to have a happy spring this year, only a small battle. We're working on the details now to defend your city of smog. But thanks for asking." He grinned. "C'mon, guys, let's get the minivan we rented so we can go bug the crap outta Connor and Gunn." They cheered. Andrew had the car seats shrank in his bag. The rental of the minivan went easily enough and the lady at the desk cooed over the kids, getting smiles and waves back from his heathens. Then they drove off. Of course, the kids fell asleep within minutes. Xander looked at Andrew, who smirked back. "I realized on the flight I didn't make reservations."

"We can handle that," he promised, looking up hotels near where they were going. "Two rooms?"

"Sure. You take the girls."

"That'll work for me." He found one that was almost reasonably priced and got them rooms in it for the week they'd be local. He added that they both needed a few rollaways for children. It drove the price up but they'd handle it. When they got to the new office for Connor and Gunn, Xander got out to go check in with them. Andrew looked back, smiling at Arlin. "We're nearly at the hotel. It's okay. Daddy just ran inside." Arlin grunted but shifted to get more comfortable then fell back asleep.

Xander strolled in, nodding at the woman complaining to Gunn. "We're in but wiped. Were we meeting tonight, Gunn?"

"Nope. Tomorrow. We figured you two would have jet lag."

"Us and the kids."

"Kids?" Connor asked, wrinkling his nose.

"Yeah, all five of the kids. Not like we can just leave them at home." He smiled. "So park tomorrow to meet or here?"

"Park's good," Gunn agreed. "We can have our liaison out here meet us there. I'll text about ten to give you directions?"

"Cool with me. Thanks, man." He shook their hands. "Let me get the fussy things into bed before they plot to takeover the city. They were a tiny bit grouchy on the plane." He left, going to drive them to the hotel. The clerk there cooed at the boys too. It got them a slight discount for the rollaway beds.

Gunn looked at the top female of his demon hunting gang. "That was Harris."

She winced. "He's got kids?"

"HYDRA people made him kids," Gunn said. "They had to sue them for upkeep and the like. They've got five kids between him and Andrew. They share one." Connor walked off shuddering. "I'm sure they'll behave tomorrow, Connor. They're toddlers. They barely talk and run." He looked at her again. "Harris is the guy that was training slayers in the wilds of Africa."

"Good to know. I can meet you tomorrow too. Let me know, Gunn." They shook hands and she went back to the gang's house to tell the others about who was in. They all smiled about the kids too.

***

Gunn looked behind him when something tiny pounced him. "Hi. Who're you?"

Xander strolled up with the kids in the stroller. "She had been on the playground."

"Yo, someone lost their daughter," Andrew called with a point. "She thought our friend was cute." The mothers and nannies looked then one came over to grab her. "We wouldn't mind," Andrew said with a grin and a point at the stroller. "They could use diverted while we meet."

"They're adorable but I feel sorry for you having five." She carried her daughter back to the sandbox.

Xander sat down in the entry of the little grotto. "You guys can get out but do not leave this area. Or no zoo tomorrow night." They climbed out, helping Nira out, and moved to play in the grass. Andrew blocked the rest of the opening to the small talking grotto by sitting next to Xander. "So," he said with a grin and a wave at the people staring at him. "I'm Xander, he's Andrew."

The LAPD liaison stared at the kids then at him. "You're the guy who was suing them." They both nodded. "Wow."

"Sometimes," Andrew agreed. "Jesse, no pickpocketing him for his shinies. Thank you."

"Son," Xander said with a snap. "Play with Connor. Okay?" Connor grimaced but the kids all pounced him and tried to tickle him. Xander smiled at Gunn. "Sometimes they take hints."

"That's good. Someday they'll hopefully take commands," the liaison officer said. He sat down too. So did Gunn and his second-in-command plus the female head of the gang. "Okay, what are we looking at this summer?" They spread out what they knew. "That's less than the invasion."

Xander looked then pointed. "He's fifteen feet tall. You're going to have an orange and puce teddybear looking demon stomping down the street pretending to be Godzilla. And it does like to nibble on people."

The liaison winced. "That's going to be bad. Can we block that one?"

"That's summoned, so I'm hoping so," Andrew said, blocking a kid from escaping by picking him up and turning him around to go play again. It made Henry pouty but oh well. Xander moved Joy when she flopped down on top of the papers and pouted at them. Andrew handed Nira to Arlin, who cooed at her and showed her how to pluck all the grass to throw at Joy. She was pretty good at it too. "She's got good aim," he quipped when everyone stared at him.

"She does," Xander agreed. "Definitely softball then." The others all shook their heads. Andrew knew his little girl probably wouldn't play sports.

Connor looked back at the feeling of someone trying to climb him. "I'm not a tree."

"Grr?" Jesse asked, pouting at him.

"No, he's not mad at you but don't climb people without asking them first, Jesse," Xander ordered. "That's not nice."

"Me?" Jesse asked with a grin.

Xander looked at him. "Why are you pretending to be a mimbo? You're smarter than that, son. Ask politely."

"Can I sit you?" he asked with a grin.

"Sure, you can sit with me," Connor agreed, then Jesse finished climbing up him to sit on his shoulder. "Okay."

"See things," Jesse cooed, hugging him around the head while petting his hair. He could see all sorts of things now. "Daddy, play?"

"After this meeting," Andrew ordered.

"Play now?" he asked a minute later. Xander made 'give me' motions and got handed the baby, who pouted but cuddled. "I be good."

"You try really hard," Xander promised, smiling down at him. "Nira, don't eat the grass. You don't know if there was a doggy in here watering it." She cackled and crawled off to try to get through the bushes. Joy pulled her back, making Nira squeal angrily. "No, Nira. Thank you, Joy."

"Me good." She looked at Gunn, coming over to pet him. "You nice." She hugged him then climbed into his lap to cuddle him. She smirked at her siblings. "Mine now."

Arlin huffed. "Not nice!" Joy grinned. "Grrrr!" he said, glaring at her. Xander cleared his throat and the fighting stopped. He took Joy too. Arlin pouted so Andrew took him and Nira, leaving Henry to play with whatever he was playing with.

Jesse looked up at his dad then at Connor. "Stepmom?"

"No!" Connor said, shaking his head hard. "I'm not a stepmom, kiddo. Sorry." Gunn was laughing hard at that. "Sorry, little guy, I'd never date your daddy."

"You're better than an arms dealer any day," Andrew quipped. He looked at Jesse. "Stepmoms are girls, Jesse. Connor's a boy, like you are."

"Ewww, girls," he said with a frown at his sister. "Girls nasty and mean."

"Yes they can be," Xander said, giving him a hug then them both. "Don't worry. If you're going to get a stepmom I'll introduce you to them so you get to know them first, Jesse. You'll like any stepmom I pick for you." The baby nodded, getting up to cuddle Connor again. Xander took him back. "Be nicer to Connor. He's not used to babies."

Joy got free and came over to climb Connor, she had heard people squealing and it sounded like fun. "Oooh! Need shinies! Daddy, shinies!"

Xander handed over the kids before getting up and going for whatever she had seen. "Oh, it's one of you," he said, pulling out his folding crossbow. A snap of his wrist and it was open. The kid eating demon was running but Xander shot it and killed it. "Andrew, did you bring anything to destroy the kid eater?"

"Fire potion but it's a tiny bottle," he called.

Their LAPD liaison called it in. "We handle those for you, guys." He got up to go talk to the people on the playground. "Is anyone missing a kid?"

"He was at the drooling stage," Xander said, walking back. He took his kids back with him since they had followed. "You don't need to see the dead demon that eats kids. Back to Andrew. He might have snacks!" Andrew opened a bag and suddenly had five very attentive kids staring at him. He handed out cookie bars and one to the others too. Xander sat down, smiling at Connor. "They really love shiny things. Including weapons."

"They're your kids, that makes sense," Gunn quipped back, making Xander grin. "Do they get hands on time with them?"

"We clean the weapons once a week together. Even Nira likes to help."

"She's not a baby slayer, right?" Gunn's second-in-command asked.

"No," Xander said, shaking his head. "She's mine and Andrew's little girl." He grinned. "HYDRA *really* wanted the power of weird geek with her. So we'll let her become an overlord for us or a president, one of the two."

Gunn nodded. "I'm sure she'll be a scary geek overlord too, Harris." Andrew beamed and nodded. Someone screamed. Andrew looked then got up and grabbed something, going to help while Xander corralled the kids. The screaming stopped abruptly and then there was a loud 'eww'. "Oh, hey, Sami's up."

"We're in here, Sami," Connor called.

She bounded in and paused, then hugged Xander and the babies. "I've heard about you guys. Faith bragged she actually got to sleep without one of them trying to snuggle her for storytime." Xander pointed at Henry. She flopped down, patting Nira on the back since she had startled her. "Are you okay?"

"I think she's trying to eat ants," Xander said.

"That doesn't worry you?" Connor asked.

"Connor, a fifth of the world's population eats bugs for their daily protein because that's all they can have. A few ants, as long as they're not poisonous or fire ants, won't hurt her."

"Eww," Sami complained, pulling Nira into her lap to cuddle. "You're very good at cuddling, sweetheart. Some day you'll have a nice boyfriend or someone to cuddle." Nira patted her and cooed then spotted her shiny hair thing. She stood up on her to look at it.

"Shinies," Xander warned quietly. She pulled the hair comb out for the kids to play with. "Do not bend it or hurt it any," he warned Jesse and Joy.

"Not," Joy promised. "That'd be bad." Xander nodded. She tried it in her hair and smiled. "Pretty?"

"Very pretty," Sami promised, helping her put up her hair. The boys grinned when Daddy took a picture then they got the shiny to play with the knife he had pickpocketed from Gunn's female gang head. She groaned and took it back to put into her bra strap instead.

"Sorry, they know they're not supposed to pickpocket anyone," Xander sighed.

"You've got hellish kids, but some day they'll be great at it," Gunn said, staring at them.

"I hope they find more realistic and reasonable lives than hunting. I'd hate to come back to beat them to death if they nearly die by the time they're twenty-five."

"Most parents would feel the same way," Gunn's second-in-command said. "Is this the only problem coming up?"

Sami snorted, shaking her head. "No, we have a coven."

"Is it the same one feeding on people's sanity like where Buffy is?" Andrew asked as they came back.

"No. This one's just sacrificing."

"I can trace the magical symbols, see if that helps," Andrew said. "Or Xander can bait them." Xander swatted him on the shoulder. "Hey!"

"I'm not bait."

"No, you're not." They all heard something growl as it came toward them.

"Oh, yeah, we've had a pack of hellhounds recently and they're not wanting to feed."

"That means it's a pack of females looking to mate," Andrew said. "We had one leave her pup in our garden at the Cleveland house."

Sami shook her head. "I heard." She looked at the kids. "Aren't there five?"

Xander looked then went to get Joy from the playground. "I said after we're done talking you can play. You know not to run away from me." He sat down in the opening for the grotto, letting her go play again.

"Wow," Sami said. "We thought you'd be more of a yelling dad."

"Oh, there's been days," Xander said dryly. "Did they ever figure out who let the animals out?" he asked Andrew.

"A few HYDRA goons who didn't get caught. They wanted them to eat you so they could save the kids."

"Greatness." He smiled at the LAPD officer.

"We'll make sure they don't do that here. Are you guys going to the zoo?"

"Two days," Xander said over the chanting for the zoo. "Two days," he said more loudly. They pouted but quieted down again. Xander looked up, shaking his head with a sigh. Andrew patted him on the back. "Wanna come help?"

"Not a chance. I'll have a great bubble bath without the kids trying to help," Andrew quipped.

"You mean Xander does most of the raising of the heathens?" Sami asked, looking horrified.

Xander smirked. "Andrew's busy with all the stuff he does for you girls. Running the house is more than a full time job, Sami. Just cooking for you guys takes twelve hours a day."

"Oh. I guess they'll still turn out fine. They'll have normal friends in school and stuff." Xander swatted her hard on the side of the head. "OW! Mean shit!"

"You bet since you just tried to call me an imbecile and unnatural. You're nearly as good at that as Rosenburg is."

"I didn't mean it that way, Xander. I promise I didn't." She wiggled back some. "I know you're not normal but you're not that weird. No weirder than Connor is."

"I'd be nuts with five kids," Connor said. "Xander definitely out machos me in that area." Xander smirked at him. "I also can't cook like Andrew so it's better they raise the baby slayers."

"Baby slayers would drive us nuts," Gunn said with a nod.

"Funny you should say that," Xander quipped with a grin. "The baby slayers need a safehouse in case. You're our choice." Gunn shuddered, shrinking down some.

"Because some of us are girls?" Gunn's second-in-command demanded.

"No, because I can trust you guys not to kill them for being baby slayers, not sacrifice them for it, not rape or kill them for it, unlike a lot of the girls' families overseas. I had to remove three of my girls from their villages before they got killed. Another one left because they were going to burn her as a witch and I was halfway across the continent. The guy in Asia has a few others like that. Most slayers don't come from modern city areas. They come from the backwoods areas mostly. The ones that don't get a lot of interaction with the outside world." Connor shuddered. "That's why we only trust a few people with the baby slayers. Beyond the fact that a few of the oldliners tried to kill a few of the slayers recently."

"And you," Andrew added.

"And me and the kids during the New York meeting. Then they were magicing the office in England so Giles didn't remember he had fired them for being arrested."

"How did that get solved?" the LAPD liaison asked.

"Reggie. He's a poker contact that can eat spells." Xander grinned. "He adores a few of the minis over there."

Sami curled up around her knees, shaking her head. "I'd pick Gunn's people too. They're nice people and strong enough to put up with the minis babbling about demonology lessons."

Xander shook his head. "Don't remind me. I've been letting Faith do that for them. They listen to her more often than they do me. I do big brother stuff but they only listen to me in the gym."

"They only listen to me when I have food," Andrew quipped. Xander nodded. "We have to start teaching your heathens how to eat better."

"I've been trying. They like veggies and meats. They just really adore cookies. Sometimes it's easier to bribe them for good behavior."

"True." Andrew looked at the kids, who were all staring at the cookie bag. "C'mon, guys. I can't do more than let you guys play." He stood up. "Grab hands." They did that and followed him out of the grotto to the play area. They spotted the playground and broke, running full tilt toward the fun stuff. Andrew went to help Nira play in the sand. She was too young to swing. Sami came out to help push swings and that was nice too. The kids were so spoiled.

***

Tony DiNozzo walked into the building in New York, smiling as he signed in. "Is Stark in?"

"He's not saying he is," the receptionist said with a smile. He held up his badge and ID. "Ms. Potts is in if Mr. Stark's in trouble."

"Sure, she'll work." She got him signed in up there and let him onto the proper elevator. He came off, smiling at the guards. "I'm Agent DiNozzo at NCIS. Also known as Arlin's daddy." They got out of the way. "Thanks, guys." He walked into Pepper's office, handing her the sheet. "One of Xander's former lovers decided the kids were in danger at the slayer house, mostly of turning into Buffy and/or Willow, and took them to Greece to live. He let Arlin call me to tell me I could come over there for visitation but I'd never get to see Xander again because he was going to jealously horde him. Xander's answer was muffled in the background because he was gagged. Arlin said so and told me the guy was a shithead as he put it."

Pepper blinked. "That may be why Joy called up with a threat," she admitted, paging Tony. He stomped in so she handed over the forms. "He got a call from Arlin like we got from Joy."

Tony blinked at Tony, who shrugged. "I know he's in Greece. He told me which town he was near so I could show up to visit. Xander was gagged. Arlin said so."

"Great." He looked the notes over. "Is that who the guy is?"

"Yes and he's from about an hour from there." He looked and pointed. "That's where his compound is."

"Are your people...."

"Nope. Or the FBI. They hate the Council. NCIS said it's not in our jurisdiction as he's not military."

Tony nodded. "I don't have that problem. JARVIS, get me Barton please."

Clint walked in a minute later pulling on a t-shirt. He was clearly just out of the shower with the dripping hair and drops of water on his chest. "What's up, Stark? You figure out what Joy meant?" Stark handed the paper over. "Hey, I've wanted to shoot him for years."

"He had Xander gagged, Arlin said so," Tony said.

Clint grinned. "Even better." He walked off. "Be back with the kids tomorrow, guys." He went upstairs. "Nat, Cliven has the kids," he said as he walked past the kitchen. Something in there shattered and Bucky stomped out. "He apparently dated Xander, DiNozzo said Arlin said Xander was gagged."

"Is Andrew going to rescue them?"

"I don't know," Clint admitted, calling down there. "Andrew, it's Clint. We need to know if you're going to go save Xander and the kids." He nodded, looking at Bucky. "He's got bad guys in the house who're working on the girls' training."

"Like hell."

"Find Natasha," he called after Bucky since he was stomping off. "Or go rescue the girls and I'll go after the kids." He smiled when Steve came off an elevator and Natasha came off the other one. He held up the information sheet. "Has the kids and Xander gagged. Stephano's people are at the Council house training the girls."

She looked at him. Then at Steve. "Help the slayers." She walked off. "We leave when, Barton?"

"Ten minutes?" he guessed, going to gather what he needed, including his uniform and bow.

Steve walked off with the information sheet. "Bucky, are you coming with me?"

"Yup. Sure as hell am."

"Good." They went to Cleveland together. It wasn't a long flight and the girls were happy to see them. Andrew had been locked in a vault to keep him from magicing them. Three of the minions were being eaten by someone's poker debt and the rest were in the gym hiding from the demons while working on the younger slayers' training. It wasn't that hard to free the house. One of the demons burped at them, staring at them. Steve smiled. "We're going to rescue the girls while someone rescues Xander and the kids." The demon nodded, pointing at the gym. "Thank you. Have a good meal." He walked off. This was going to be messy.

***

Natasha and Clint landed on top of the building, getting off with the sleepy Xander and the kids. They had sedative darted Xander when they freed him so he'd save them something to beat or kill. Though Joy had been happily beating on one of the head guys because she wanted her rabbit. A quick text to Steve and he promised to bring the stuffed friends up.

Clint pointed. "Your daddy's in the lab, Joy." She ran off squealing, bypassing Pepper with a pet. She squealed all the way into the lab, pouncing her father, who grabbed her to hug. The boys just huffed and went to hug Pepper. Clint carried Xander out to drop into a chair. "We sedated him so he'd save us some." He limped off.

Natasha sat down in a chair. "Steve will bring up various stuffed friends." Nira huffed off, going toward the kitchen. "Are you hungry, Nira?" She nodded, grunting and pointing. Natasha got her a pear to nibble on, cutting the pieces off when she couldn't chew on it herself. The boys stole some so she got them their own fruit. They were happy with that and climbing on their father to cuddle up to him. Pepper got some love from Nira, who made her smile.

Tony came off the elevator with Joy, who was eating his dinner for him. "Hey, guys, we managed to save you and the daddy?"

"The one who had taken him was most upset with that fact," Natasha said dryly.

"Pity," Clint agreed. He sat down next to where Xander and the kids were. Arlin patted his hair down for him. "Thanks, Arlin. I like your hair too." The boy grinned, cuddling in again. "The main house?"

"Freed. The girls decided to keep Steve and Bucky for a bit. They'll bring up stuffed animals if they haven't gotten back yet." He looked at Xander. "We can let you nap there while the kids nap in Joy's room. Wanna go nap?" he asked the group. They all shook their heads.

"If you ask of course they're going to say no," Pepper said. "It is bath time and then bedtime, guys." They pouted at her. "I know but it's getting late." She took them to give them baths with Tony's help. He was good at holding wiggling things. He had practice from his years of wiggly bimbos.

Clint made sure Xander curled up comfortably then went back to his own room.

Bruce came off the elevator, sighing in disgust at the sight of Xander. "We just rescued him and the children from being kidnaped by one of Xander's ex's, Bruce. They're with Joy and her parents." Natasha looked back at him. "We sedated Xander so he'd leave us someone to deal with."

"That's nice of him." He looked at her. "I don't want to wake him."

"I doubt you will. He lives in a house full of squealing girls."

"Good point." He went to the kitchen. Xander didn't wake up even when he turned on the tv. Just snorted and flipped in the other direction. Natasha smiled as she walked off. Tony came out a bit later, wet t-shirt from kid splashing and jeans slightly damp too. Bruce looked at him. "They all okay?"

"They're fine. Frustrated since no one's stuffed friends are up here." He looked at Xander. "We can send them home tomorrow. It might save Steve and Bucky from the slayers." He went back to his lab. The kids would sleep through the night. They were more than old enough for that. If not, they'd try to crawl in with Xander.

***

Xander made it home the next day, leaving Joy up there at Pepper's insistence. Apparently it was time for more girl lessons. Xander looked at Andrew as he led the herd of kids into the kitchen. "I need to make plans for when things go wrong and we need to quit relying on others."

Andrew looked at him. "They got mad you had to be rescued?"

"No but I'm still being picked on about it." He grimaced. "I did get given a few dirty looks about noisy kids."

"Were they being noisy?"

"I didn't think so but it was early."

Andrew nodded. "Well, Joy can visit but we don't have to." He patted Xander on the shoulder. "Unless you're going to take some money and buy a house plus a nanny...."

"I got offered a farm by Alberto but he wanted me in Canada."

"Hard to be the US's head watcher from Canada," Andrew agreed.

"Maybe I can find one locally."

"You'd still have to be here all the time to run the house and all that."

Xander nodded. "I know. So unless I live next door...."

"There's a house up the street," Andrew said with a point. He looked down at their daughter. "What?" She made begging noises. "You have to tell me what you want. I don't read minds like Xander does."

Xander looked down at her then at him. "I'm pretty sure that's a 'hug me' noise." Andrew picked her up to hug her. "You know she can't talk yet, right?"

"Soon?"

"A year," Xander said. "More than single syllable babbling."

"Great. Well, soon enough. We can work on that since you're really smart, dear." He took her to teach her the names of various stuff in the kitchen.

Xander looked down at the other three, shrugging some. "Go play?" They ran off to play in the tv room. Xander settled in to do the paperwork and figure out what he was going to do. Not like he could live on a farm in the middle of nowhere like a Weasley.

***

Xander was looking around his new house, smiling at the nice, homey touches he had put in since he had bought it six weeks ago. It almost reminded him of Joyce's old home but it had more bathrooms, bedrooms, and the laundry room was upstairs instead of in the basement, which he didn't have. The kids were squealing in their rooms but Xander had dad sense now. Something was wrong. He went up to check on them, frowning at the coughing.

"Oh, you're sick," he sighed. He picked Jesse up to cuddle, checking his forehead. "Yeah, you've got a fever too. Let's check the others." He did and Arlin was sick too. "C'mon, we'll go see the baby doctor." He got them into the stroller and out to the car, tucking them all into their car seats. He went back to close up the house for now, driving them off. The baby doctor was nearly done for the day but the nurse winced when she checked Jesse. "I'm hoping it's the flu."

"So am I." She got the head nurse out to check in the kids for the doctor, and she drew blood since it clearly wasn't the flu.

***

Xander looked at his phone then answered it. "Yeah, Andrew? No, I won't make patrol tonight. Because three of the four kids are in the hospital thanks to them having infections that none of us know where they started." Andrew spluttered. "You had Nira, not me. Sure, bring her here. It's not any more difficult than watching Henry. Yup, that hospital. Up on pediatrics. Thankfully not the ICU." He hung up, leaning on the bedrail to look across the beds. "We'll make sure your sister's okay too, guys." Henry pouted so he kissed him on the head. He went back to cuddling Joy to make her feel better. She had popped up a cough a few hours earlier and felt miserable. She had the flu on top of the infection, however it had started.

***

Two hours later Xander answered the phone. "What's wrong, Faith? Huge emergency?" he sighed. "No, I'm not at the house or on patrol. I'm in the hospital with the kids." She choked. "Yeah, they stared to do that." He hung up, looking at Henry, who was awfully sweaty, and Nira, who was sleeping curled up with Arlin. Xander pushed the nurse's button, getting one coming in. She scowled at him. He pointed at Henry. "I think he's coming down with the same whatever."

"It's not infectious from what the doctor said, Mr. Harris. Where did the little one come from?"

"She's my other one. Her other father was babysitting for a bit but had to go on patrol." She huffed. "Sorry, the Council works that way sometimes." He shrugged. "Can you check his fever?"

She did and grimaced. "Let me find a needle." She went to get one and rushed the bloodwork down. Then they admitted him too. "Any idea what caused this?" Xander shook his head. "Has there been anything that they've gotten into?"

"No. We just moved to a house up the street from the Council house. It's been too long since we were all kidnaped almost two months ago. They haven't gotten into anything weird around the Council house. Though, why not Nira?" he said, staring at her. "If I find out, I'll gladly tell everyone." She nodded, going to take notes of that. Including that there was a spare kid in there. It wasn't contagious so it shouldn't matter.

***

Xander blinked, looking at the man that walked into the hospital room. "Giles," he said with a nod, going back to staring at the kids. "They caught an infection from somewhere. All but Nira. They're not sure what caused it but it's responding to the heavy antibiotics."

"That's good. All I got was a frantic message from Faith that you haven't come home."

"I'm not going to leave the kids in here." He looked at him. "That's not what good parents do and Faith can run the house for a few days."

"True. Andrew does much of it anyway." He looked at the boys, patting Arlin's foot. "No idea what caused it?"

Xander shook his head. "No demon byproducts anywhere, no sign of someone infecting them with something, just an infection from something that doesn't look to have even scratched them."

"We have tested it against demon results?"

"Yeah, I let the lab have that book. They said it doesn't correlate to anything." He looked up again. "No one has a single clue."

"I can take Nira back to Andrew if you want."

"He's busy." He put his head back down.

"Are you sure?"

"He said he was."

"Oh. That's charming." He sighed, looking at the boys. "Are they sedated?"

"Yup. They keep coughing if they don't sleep through it."

"Hm." He patted the younger man on the back. "They'll be fine. You must trust in that."

Xander nodded. "I do. I've even asked one of the demonic healers. They said it's an infection but not one they recognize."

"Interesting. Let me go run the house for Faith and I'll tell her where the children are. You could use a break." Xander snorted. "I know but you need one."

Xander looked at him. "I've went longer without sleep. It'll be okay."

"All right. Still, try to rest a bit, all right?"

"I will sometime soon."

Giles nodded, going to the house. Faith was yelling at Andrew about something when he walked in. "Must we yell?" he demanded.

"Yes, I must!" she said. "Where's boytoy!"

"Childrens hospital." She gaped. "All but the baby is sick with some sort of unknown infection. Thankfully they're keeping them mostly asleep because it means they're not coughing." She slumped. He looked at Andrew. "He has Nira as well?"

"I'm...."

"You left him with the baby while the others are sick?" Faith demanded. "I would've babysat her most of the day, Andrew!"

"Enough yelling," Giles ordered.

"I'm not Xander! I don't know how to handle all this parenting stuff!" Andrew yelled back. "How in the hell should I know!"

"It's not rocket science," Faith said.

"Yeah, it is! I have no idea what to do with a baby that young!"

"I said enough!" Giles said. They both stared at him. "How about I watch Nira for a bit. All right?"

Andrew sighed. "I can do it."

"You're busy, I can be a vicarious grandfather," Giles noted. "So calm down and relax, Andrew. Faith, patrol?"

"We've had some. Not real great ones. There's a huge problem growing and no one seems to know what it is. It's been way too quiet and everyone's giving us weird looks when we ask why." She pushed her hair back. "Maybe B should ask, Giles."

"We'll figure it out. We always do, Faith. Why don't you go rest?" She nodded, walking off to talk to the slayers. Giles sat at the counter, staring at Andrew. "It's normal to feel overwhelmed," he said quietly. "I've never seen any parent that didn't have those days, Andrew. Nor ones where they feel that they have not a clue what they're doing. You've done an amazing job with Nira and the other four."

"That's all Xander, Giles."

"No, you've done a lot with the children. You can't discount that, Andrew."

"They only like me because I make cookies, Giles. Even Nira doesn't want to spend time with me."

"Maybe it's because you never leave the kitchen. You used to say the same thing about the younger slayers."

"I did," he agreed then sighed. "I don't know. Especially with Xander moving out on his own."

"He did?"

"He bought a house up the block so the kids would quit waking up the slayers."

"That's charming of him. I'll have to go see it to check on it for him." He patted Andrew on the hand. "The kitchen is not your sanctuary. Go play with the younger girls." Andrew pouted but went to try that. Giles looked into his office then went to play with them as well. He was a good godfather to all the younger slayers.

***

Tony hung up his phone, staring at it for a minute. Then he looked at the rest of his team. "I'm going on leave."

"No you're not! We're in the middle of a case," Gibbs ordered, glaring at him.

"My son's been in the hospital for the last week. Xander's worn himself out staying with them," he said coldly. "I'm going to Cleveland, boss." He packed up what he needed and left. It wasn't a long flight, he'd made it a few times. On the way he called Pepper's phone. "Pepper, it's Tony DiNozzo," he told her voicemail. "Did anyone tell you all the kids but Nira are in the hospital? The nurse just called me because Xander finally passed out after a week with them. Including Nira. I'm heading up there right now." He hung up. This was going to be a long week.

***

Darcy Lewis heard a phone ring and frowned, finding the phone. It wasn't hers. "Jane, is this Thor's phone?" she asked, holding it up.

"No. He's got a smartphone thanks to Stark," she said after a glance over. "That's an older Starkphone."

"Hmm." She took it out of the lab, going up to Tony's lab. Of course, he was ranting. She knocked and he glared at her through the walls. She leaned in. "This phone was left in our lab and someone tried to call it. Do you know who it belongs to so I can give it back to them?" She held it up.

He stomped over to look. "That's Pepper's."

"When was she in Jane's lab?" She shrugged. "Okay, thanks."

"She's back in Malibu."

She held up the missed call message. "Not sure if that's important. Want me to mail it?" He snatched it and walked off, putting it down onto a desk. "Okay. Thanks." She went back to Jane's lab to get back to work. Stark was in a foul mood today. It was best no one was around.

***

Tony walked into the hospital room, smiling at the nurse, who was trying to get Nira off something. "C'mere, baby girl." He clapped his hands and she squealed, pouncing him. "Good pounce, Nira. Such a good girl to help your older siblings." He cuddled her, looking at the nurse. "That one's mine," he said with a point.

"All right. Can your get the other father to go home?"

"No. He's not going to move. He's that sort of dad."

"Why no mother then?" she asked dryly.

"Ask HYDRA. They made 'em for us."

"Oh, that case." Tony nodded. "Can you at least get the non-sick one home?"

"I can try." Xander grunted. Tony stroked over his hair. "I'm here. Let me handle the kids, Xander." Xander nodded, going back to his rest. Tony smiled. "I can handle it." She nodded, leaving them alone to make notes on the chart. Tony checked Nira's diaper, taking her to change in the bathroom. Then he came out to sit on the foot of Joy's bed since all the kids had decided to drift there. "Hey, guys, let me help the daddy, okay?" he said quietly. They smiled at him. "Go back to sleep, guys. I've got it." They drifted off again, letting him annoy Nira into not fussing at the big kids. When an officer stomped in, Tony pulled out his ID case, holding it up. "It had better be *real* good."

"Someone reported Mr. Harris missing."

Tony pointed at Xander. "The kids have been in here now for a week. I just heard today."

"I'll let them know. The judge over the final judgement is missing him."

"He can keep missing him for a few more days. Or I can suggest he talk to Andrew?"

"I can tell him that. Why?" he asked with a point at the kids.

"Some sort of unknown infection," Xander mumbled, lifting his head. "Tony?"

"The nurse called. You can rest. The judge was looking for you though. Want to clean up, go handle that, then come back? I can handle the kids for now."

"Nira probably needs stuff."

"Could be but it'll be okay. I can handle it. Really." Xander nodded, going to the bathroom to clean up then going with the officer.

***

Joy started to cough so Tony got the nurse in there. "She's just started that again," he said quietly, pulling Joy closer so the nurse didn't have to move the boys.

She checked her chest, nodding. "She's getting sicker. Let me get the doctor in here to listen to her lungs." She looked at Nira. "She could probably use a whole new kit."

"I'll have Andrew bring me one. That's her other daddy but I can handle it." The nurse nodded, going to call the docs.

The doctor came in to listen, grimacing. "I'd want to do an x-ray. Where's Xander?"

"Court over their making."

"Are you her other father?"

"I can pretend pretty well but I'm Arlin's. I think I have medical power of attorney if Xander's missing if it helps."

"Not at the moment. Her biological father?"

"Stark? I can try. He hasn't answered a phone in about three days." He called up there, getting a grunt in answer. "Stark, it's me. The hospital needs permission to do a chest x-ray on Joy."

"Why does she need one?" Clint asked.

"Some sort of unknown infection. All four of the big kids have it. Xander would but the judge over the HYDRA thing sent an officer for him because he hasn't moved from this hospital room outside a half-hour for the last hearing. It's been about a week and a half for him."

"Why didn't you call us?" Clint demanded.

"I did call Pepper's phone. I called her as I was coming up, because the nurses didn't call me until Xander finally collapsed, and I called that night to update her about what happened. I got her voicemail both times."

"Shit," he said. "Okay, um.... Stark's in a foul mood again. Let me bring the phone down there. Give me a sec." You could hear him getting onto something mechanical and heading down there, then loud heavy metal music that made Tony wince. "Stark!" he yelled. "Turn it the hell down! It's an emergency!" The music cut off. "Tony's calling from the hospital. Pepper hasn't checked her voicemail since he called about the four big kids being in the hospital for an infection. The doc needs verbal permission to do an x-ray."

"Why didn't I hear about this sooner!" Stark yelled.

"Because Pepper didn't answer the phone," Tony said dryly. "I called her twice, Stark. Don't yell at me for doing that. I only heard when the nurse called because Xander had been sitting vigil and collapsed after a week of not sleeping. Right now, the judge called for him so we need verbal permission for an x-ray. She's coughing again."

"Yeah, do so. I'll be there in a bit."

"That's fine. Can you stop by the house and get another bag for Nira? The diaper bag's down to three diapers and no clean clothes."

"Just the girls got it?" Stark asked.

"No, the four big kids got it but he had Nira here too. Xander will hopefully be back soon, as long as he doesn't have to fight his way out of the courthouse."

"Yeah, I can do that. Yes, please do the x-ray. I'll want to know as soon as I get there in about three hours." He hung up but they heard him starting to rant.

Tony grinned. "Good enough?"

"Definitely. Xander's a very hands-on parent. I can see why." He took Joy, making the boys fuss. "I'm going to look at her lungs, guys. Calm down."

"I'm right here," Tony said. "I'm not moving and Daddy Xander will be back in a few minutes. Go back to sleep, guys." They cuddled him and Nira instead. The doctor took Joy off for x-rays then brought her back. "Anything good?"

"The infection's set into her lungs. We're going to have to up her antibiotics." He listened to the others' lungs, frowning at Tony when he caught his by accident. "Why does yours sound funny?"

"I had the plague a few years back," he said with a grin. "It got sent to the office."

"I can see why you only visit then. It's too dangerous." He got Arlin last, nodding. "They're clear but Joy is far from clear. Let me write that order." He went to the desk to do that. It was odd but it was clear that the fathers were involved when they could be.

***

Up in New York, Clint Barton looked around, then pointed. "Isn't that Pepper's phone?"

"She lost it in Jane's lab," Tony said, throwing it. "All right, I need to go down there."

"Sure. We can handle it without you. Go be a dad. Calm down."

"Why didn't Xander tell me?"

"Because you've been awfully bitchy about being a dad," Clint said bluntly. "Bruce scowls at the kids when they do kid things. Natasha tries but she doesn't understand kids. Pepper's basically trying but not that hard. She only likes to do the girlish things with Joy. Being a parent is a lot harder than babysitting, which is what you do with them." He stared at him. "Which is probably why the nurse had to tell DiNozzo too. Now, go." He pointed. "Call Pepper on the way."

"Yeah, I can do that." He called the airport while he packed a few things then headed out thinking about that. Tony had a nanny when he was younger. Maybe that's why he couldn't relate to what parents did. He accidentally ran into Steve and Bucky in the elevator. "Sorry, guys. Have to go to Cleveland. Joy's sick and in the hospital. Xander never told me." He pushed the button, overriding the prior button push. "I'll be back in a few days." He got off the elevator, heading toward his waiting car.

Steve and Bucky shared a look. "Okay," Steve said. "I'm hoping it's just a normal kid thing." They went up to the lounge area where Clint was watching a movie. "Any idea why she's so sick?"

"The doc needed permission to do a chest x-ray and Xander was at a hearing with the judge. DiNozzo called."

"Why did Xander call him and not Tony?" Bucky asked.

"DiNozzo got called by a nurse when Xander collapsed after a week, or so he said. He said he tried to call Pepper but she had lost her phone in Jane's lab somehow."

"Great," Steve said. "I'm hoping it's still something kid-like that they get."

"No clue," Clint admitted. "They're handling it." Steve nodded, sitting down to watch the news. Bucky sat on his free side, staring at the tv. If anything too big was happening in Cleveland, they'd start blaring it on the news. Thankfully it was strangely quiet down there.

***

Stark stomped into the hospital, handing over the bag. "Andrew's worked himself into a migraine."

"That's fine," Tony DiNozzo said quietly, looking at Nira. Then at the boys. "Joy's getting a second scan to see if it's easing. She's not coughing it up and they're worried. Xander's come back from the courthouse and went right to the gym because the HYDRA guys tried to snatch him and he's working off the anger issues he's having. One of them admitted they gassed the kids with something. He death bed confessed what it was." Stark stared at him. Tony grinned. "Nira was with Andrew that night."

"Why isn't she with him now?"

"Because Xander's more hands-on and Andrew's confused," he said bluntly. "It happens." He pointed. "There's Joy." Stark took her from the nurse. "She better?"

"Not yet. It's still clogging things up. The doctor will be back in later tonight, Agent DiNozzo. You could bring her home."

"Not likely. Her other father's worked himself into a migraine," Stark said, settling down with Joy in his lap. "Hey, it's me. It's all okay. You can cough up all that nasty stuff."

"We wish she would," the nurse said. "But if she coughs too much she'll bruise her ribs. We've been giving them a light sedative to make them more comfortable." Xander walked in, giving Tony an odd look. "The gas settled in."

"I had someone check. It's in her room's vent. There's one in the boys' room vents but it's in the hallway. Hers was directly in the vent in her room. Then the officer nicely hit the asshole for me." He looked at the boys then at her. "Any good news?"

"Not yet. You could shower."

"I took one last night."

She checked his forehead. "You're running a fever."

"I'm good. It's caffeine withdrawal." She snorted but walked off to make notes. Xander looked at Stark. "Hey."

"You should have told me. I would've been here all along."

"You don't have that sort of free time with sudden bouts of having to go save people."

Tony glared at him. "Yay. The team can do without me for a few days, Harris." Xander nodded, going to the bathroom. He looked at DiNozzo. "Your boss?"

"I called to tell him what was going on that first night. He growled a bit but I haven't heard anything since then. If I got fired, I'll find a job up here so I can be nearer to Arlin and the others. They could use all the sensible people they can get. Especially ones who don't get hurt on patrol."

Xander shrugged. "I haven't been on patrol for a while. I had the night off before they got sick." He looked at the boys then at Joy. "She's going to hurl, Stark. Coughing makes her vomit worse than koolaid did."

"That's fine. I wash." He patted her on the back, taking her to the bathroom when she started to heave. "We'll call Pepper. It wasn't nice of her to not check her email so I could be here sooner." He cuddled her until she was done, bringing her back out. "There. Want me or the boys?" She snuggled under his t-shirt and he nodded. "Sure, you can nap in there." He looked at Tony, then at Xander, who had taken Nira back. "Andrew okay?"

"A bit frustrated." Xander shrugged. "I expected to do a lot of it anyway, guys."

DiNozzo swatted him extra hard on the head. "If I had known, I would've been here sooner."

Xander nodded, looking down to fuss over the boys. "Sure, I'll call sooner next time."

"Good. Now, finish your nap," Tony ordered. "You look like shit, kid."

"Gee, thanks, Stark."

"Now," DiNozzo agreed. "We've got the boys and Joy." Xander huffed but did lay down in the comfy chair the nurses had brought him. Both Tonys smirked at each other and helped the boys get comfortable for a bit.

***

Stark called home that night. "Bruce, I need you to get into your email and tell me if that gas needs an antidote or something." He listened. "Because they dosed the kids, Bruce. They mined the house with gas grenades right before Xander moved into his new spot. The kids are all in the hospital and I need to know if they need an antidote." He was calm, he was proud of himself. "Well, if Pepper had checked her voicemail I would've been here sooner but she didn't so I wasn't. Now my daughter has pneumonia even though she's on three different strong antibiotics. The boys got a lesser dose since theirs was put outside their room in the hallway.

"No, Xander didn't call me. Apparently he thought I was a bit kid phobic because of things going on up there. So just tell me if I need an antidote, please?" he ordered. Bruce looked and told him what it was and how it reacted. "Lots of non-productive coughing, yeah. Three of them by IV. That's one. I can do that. Please. Thanks." He hung up, getting into his email to get the file Bruce sent him. He went to hand it to the nurse. "This is the gas's effects and make up if it helps."

She took it to make notes. "It might. It lists a possible treatment. We're doing two of them but a different third antibiotic." She handed it back with a smile. "Are you taking turns being the awake dad?"

"Yup, for now. It'll be okay." He went back in there. DiNozzo was asleep and Xander was once again resting his chin on the bed's railing while he stared at the kids while they slept. "Doesn't that hurt your back?"

"Nope. I get up every now and then for bathroom breaks," Xander said quietly. "Anything good?"

"The suggested treatment has two of the three antibiotics."

"That's good. Thanks."

"Welcome. Next time, call me sooner?"

Xander looked at him. "If there's a next time I'll become the evil that the world will hate." Stark smirked at him. "I will. I'll be fucking damned and they'll all die." He put his head back down. "Hey, DiNozzo, I can hear bitching in your boss's yelling range."

Stark looked out into the hallway then nodded. "It is your director."

Tony sat up, pushing his hair back into some order as the director came in. "It's my nap turn, Director. Is there a problem?"

"Why are you up here?"

"Because my kid's so sick he's on three antibiotics," he said bluntly. "One of them has pneumonia. I would've come up sooner but Xander didn't call because he knew people would bitch about me missing work." He stared at her. "You can fire me for all I give a damn. I'm not leaving their bedside until they're all better. That's what being a parent means."

The director stared at him. "Gibbs is growling and it's your job to filter him."

"No, it's Gibbs' job to filter himself. I'm just his senior agent, not his shoulder angel."

"He'd like you back soon."

"I'd like for the kids not to need three antibiotics thanks to the remaining few people who decided the kids were wrong for being born so they planted gas grenades in their house." She winced. "Frankly, I'll get mine first. Long before I make it back to DC. Even if I have to go shoot them all."

"Fine. How much longer are you expecting to need off?"

"Maybe another two weeks," Xander said, looking up at her. "They're about halfway better and it's been two weeks. So probably three at the most."

"Do we know who did this?" she asked.

"Yup, and if I find the fuckers they'll be dead." He stared at her. "I have no problem treating them like a demon lord I've got to take down." She shuddered, stepping back. "Have a great trip back to DC, ma'am. I'm sure Tony will call when the kids are getting better." She snorted but left. He looked at Tony. "If you need a new job, the PD is actively hiring detectives because half of theirs got caught."

"I saw that in the paper. We'll see." He patted him on the arm. "Arlin and the others asleep again?" Xander nodded. "Good. You should rest too."

"I'm good. I can go all week without sleep. Yay, apocalypse battle training," he said blandly, then put his chin back on the bed railing. "Nap, guys. I've got it." They shared a look but DiNozzo went back to his nap while Stark stayed up to help Xander with things like diaper changes.

***

Pepper stormed into the tower. "Where's Tony this time?" she demanded.

"In Cleveland, with the kid that's sick," Steve said. "Apparently some idiots decided the kids were a bad omen or something and tried to gas them." He sipped his coffee. "DiNozzo called your voicemail twice, Pepper."

She gaped then stomped a foot. "I lost my phone."

"Darcy found it in the lab." He put his cup aside. "Xander wasn't going to tell anyone because some people aren't comfy around kids up here. Then he collapsed after a week straight of staring at the kids so the nurses called DiNozzo and he called your voicemail."

"I..." She huffed. "Are they going to be okay?"

"As far as we've heard, yup." He nodded, smiling some at her. "Stark called last night to tell me it was going to at least be another week. Joy's pneumonia is getting better but she's still coughing."

"She has pneumonia?" Pepper asked, sitting down on the couch. "Is she okay?"

"Getting there. Pneumonia's not fun but they've got her on some good antibiotics. Really strong stuff from what Tony said. He was reading to Nira before he thought to call."

"If I find the agents that did that, they're going to be dead," Bucky said, coming out of the bathroom to join them. "Very incredibly dead." Pepper gave him an odd look. "They grow on you."

"They do," she agreed, then sighed. "Do we know who gassed them?"

"Some agents," Steve said. "He asked Natasha to look into it so he had a target." He called her. "Pepper just found out. Any idea on those agents who did it?" He sat up straighter, growling some. "Really?" He nodded once. "No, I think we can help by gathering them for the parents. The guys have got to be exhausted with sleeping in the hospital and taking care of Nira. Yup, she is. Thanks, Natasha. Give me the stuff to hunt them down. Bucky and I will both help." He smiled. "As Bucky said, they grow on you. Yup, we're helping." He hung up. "Two were SHIELD. She's still looking up the last guy."

"As Lewis said: fuck that shit," Bucky growled. "Which ones?"

"She's bringing us a list."

"Good." He finished his coffee and went to get dressed, coming out in his tactical gear when Natasha walked into the lounge. "So? How many?"

She smirked meanly. "Six, three of which were SHIELD. That's where they got the gas grenades from. Two of the other three have been eaten by something in Cleveland and the other is a politician."

Bucky took the list, walking off reading it. "I call Derringer."

"We can surgically strike the new SHIELD to gather them all at once," Natasha reminded him.

"Wonderful." Bucky grinned. "Coming?" She nodded, following him with Steve following her. "Shield, Steve?"

"This isn't about the US," he said. "I don't need it."

"Bring them back here first so I can hit them too," Pepper ordered.

"If we can," Bucky agreed.

"We need to get there first anyway. Harris won't save us any to beat," Natasha said.

"Where's Barton?" Steve asked.

"Going to recon the site for us." She smiled. "He insisted."

"I like that about Clint." They got off and headed for an SUV. The drive to the new SHIELD base wasn't that long. It was a few miles out of town. Clint reported he was in position, where the three agents were, and that they were plotting over crappy sandwiches for lunch.

Natasha got out as soon as Steve had stopped the SUV. Steve and Bucky got out, Bucky right behind Steve's right shoulder as they walked in. Natasha gassed the first agent that got in their way. A few others rushed out so the boys hit them for her. She got another one down and knocked out then headed for the caf by Clint's directions. The boys walked in first, heading right for the right table.

Steve stared at them. "We need to talk, boys."

"Who're you?" one sneered, then stood up, eyes wide. "Rogers."

"Yup, it's him," Bucky said, staring at them. "And me, and Natasha." He smiled. "Let's go chat."

Coulson stomped in. "Captain, I'd like an explanation before I need a mop."

"These three and a few others decided to gas bomb Xander Harris' new home, in the kids' rooms. They're still in the hospital fighting off the infection and pneumonia," Natasha said. "We are not pleased."

"We have proof?" Coulson asked. She handed over what she had found through hacking the PD in Cleveland. "The other three?"

"Two were eaten. One's a politician."

Coulson nodded, handing the papers back. "Anyone who harms babies that way deserves whatever you three decide to do to them."

Steve smiled. "We've been ordered to let Pepper have them for a few minutes before we bring them to the very mad fathers."

Coulson shuddered. "Agreed. I'll process their dismissal paperwork for being failed humans." He walked off. "No, Skye."

"I wanted to watch. They're better at hand-to-hand than Melinda is," she said with a grin and a wave. "They have a hacker buddy in the labs but she wanted to experiment on the kids. I kindly locked her in a biological disease safe. I'm hoping she died in there."

"We'll gladly take her too," Bucky said. "Even if she's sick."

"Sure. I can show you where she is." She led him to the safe, then smiled at him. "Are you better?"

"Mostly."

"Good. Can't ever have too many good guys." She opened the safe, letting him pull her out. She was sobbing and gasping for fresh air. "You have fun with her."

"Thanks." He hauled her off to the SUV. The others were crushed in the back but unconscious. He got in to drive while Steve watched their prisoners. Natasha was doing her nails next to Clint, who was checking his arrows.

***

Gibbs shows up the day the kids are getting out, staring at the happy, bouncy kids on the bed then at the three tired fathers. "Everyone good?" he asked from the doorway. Tony flinched but Stark was jumpy that way.

DiNozzo looked at him. "They're better. They still have some antibiotics to take at home but at least the house has been cleaned and it's safe again." Xander nodded through a yawn. Tony looked over then took Nira, putting her onto the bed. The four older ones cooed over her and played with her. "So, boss, it'll probably be a few days yet."

"You need to catch up on your sleep anyway, DiNozzo. I know you haven't been sleeping right. None of you have, it's what parents do." Tony stared at him. "The director put you on unpaid family leave."

"I'll thank her when I get back."

"Good. Fornell's team wanted to know who did this."

Tony Stark smiled. "Ask my teammates. They had a talk with them then nicely brought them down here so we could talk with them too."

"I doubt anyone's going to say that's a bad idea," Gibbs said. "But they'd like to arrest them so they can suffer for years yet."

"Gotta ask Steve where he planted 'em," Xander said. "I haven't really left here outside the two calls to court."

"I wouldn't have even went to those but I know it was important, kid. Calm down. I'll even drive you home."

"We won't all fit in the minivan, boss," Tony said. "I rented a car."

"Me too," Stark agreed. "I can take two of them with me."

"The mini van fits them all," Xander said.

Stark leaned up then smacked Xander on the head. "I'm a dad too, Harris, and I'm taking some time with the kids." He leaned back. "I'll talk to Andrew again too." He smiled at Nira when she crawled over to leap at him. "Nice jump." She cooed, patting his hair. "Some day you'll do great with hair things, Nira." She grinned and waved at her daddy.

"You're so goofy," Xander said, taking her. Tony stole her from him, putting her on his lap. "I..."

"Like Stark, I'm going to be doing more daddy things," DiNozzo said. "I'm a stepdad to the others anyway. They need more common sense before they go out hunting in booty shorts, a tank top, and sneakers in forty degree weather."

Gibbs shook his head. "I don't even want to know. I'll follow you guys back to the house."

"We're waiting on final clearance," Xander said. "But I live three houses to the west of the Council's house."

"That's fine. I'll go talk to Andrew." He left, going to do that. Something was clearly wrong since usually Andrew clung to Nira like glue.

"Hoppity?" Joy asked, staring at her father.

"At home. Uncle Steve made sure she's on your bed, Joy." She grinned.

"Unclie Shiny?" Jesse asked, leaning on his sister's head. She shoved him off with a scowl. "You comfy. Hush." The daddy was trying not to smile at that.

"I'm not sure where Uncle Shiny is," Tony admitted. "We'll have to see." Jesse nodded, humming as he plucked at his sister's hair. "Are you being a monkey?"

Jesse grinned. "Needs brushed. Has knots." He went back to picking at it, even if Joy was trying to get him out of it by air swatting at him. She finally turned around and smacked him loud enough it brought the nurse jogging in. "Hey!" he complained, starting to sniffle.

"You not a brush!" she said, scowling at him. "Leave my hair alone! Pepper be very mad!"

Xander cleared his throat. "Do not hit your brother," Xander said. "Jesse, quit irritating your sister. We're on the way home and I don't want to have to yell. Got it?" They pouted but nodded, going to sit on one of the other two fathers for now. Jesse got to Tony first so he got the shiny loving one. Joy snuggled into DiNozzo's chest, not looking at her father cuddling her brother. "No pouting. Any daddy can hug any kid, Joy."

"Yes, Daddy," she huffed. She pouted at the nurse. "Go home now? We might have cookies."

"Cookies?" Arlin asked, raising his head. "We need cookies."

"We can pause at the store on the way home," DiNozzo said. "I doubt there's any food in the house."

"Natasha said she stocked," Stark said.

"Cool." They smiled at the nurse, who got the papers for them. The kids got carried out and to the minivan. The daddies followed with a pause for cookies, diapers, and laundry detergent since Xander had texted he was out.

***

The kids ran up the stairs. They had barely gotten to see their rooms before they went to the hospital. Xander flopped down on his old, ratty couch, listening to the kids figure things out. At the first 'grr' he sighed, starting to get up.

"Daddy! My room's pink!" Joy called. "Someone did something bad!"

He got up to go look in there. "Wow, someone decorated for you guys." He looked down at her. "You like pink."

"I do," she said, looking around. "Why?" she asked, pointing at the bed.

"It's a princess bed."

"I a princess?"

"Ask your other daddy that when he gets here in a few minutes." She grabbed Hoppity to cuddle, looking at all her new stuff. Her books were on shelves and her toys were in boxes for some reason. Even her shoes were lined up. Xander checked on the other boys. Their rooms had been decorated too, based on their stuffed animals. He came down when he heard Stark come in, staring at him. "Thank whoever paints?" he said quietly.

"I can do that." He looked down at his bouncy daughter, smiling at her. "You sure are a princess, dear. I'm a prince so that makes you a princess." She laughed, pulling him up to her room to see. Arlin did the same thing to Tony. Xander took the cookies to the kitchen to put out a few for each kid. They didn't need the entire bag of chocolate chip cookies. He checked the kitchen, nodding at things. It was well stocked. Someone had done a great job.

He brought the plate of cookies upstairs, watching Stark film Joy babbling about her room while bouncing around it. Joy spotted him, squealing and rushing over to steal her cookies. Xander handed her a few. The boys came out to get theirs and Nira got one too. Then they went back to playing with their new stuff. They had toys they hadn't seen before. They had lots of books. They had daddies who'd sit and play with them or read to them all they wanted. It was a great day since they were out of the stinky place.

All in all it was a pretty good day to be a mini Harris or Stark or DiNozzo.

The End.