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Yeah, they finally get to the point of the choker, and why Xander's been wearing...

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Evil Is As Evil Does.

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Phil walked up to his bosses the day after they had gotten back. "We need to have a talk," he said quietly.

"Convention not go well?" Joyce asked with a smile for him. "New problems they found out?"

"Pre-warning for other issues. There's been a wacky idea problem this convention. Mostly thanks to Lavelle. Though a few did switch areas so they could shake up the status quo with their own families that weren't treating them well enough." He waved and Maria Hill walked in as well. "Close it. I'm going to disclose some information from the convention." Maria closed the door and locked it, coming over to sit beside the dual desks they had in there. Steve was giving him odd looks. "You know that we hold yearly Xander conventions, Captain."

"Yes, but I thought it was just hanging out and sharing kid pictures."

"It's some of that, some passing on information that's been bothering them, passing on information that's been found out that may be needed. Like with that dragon spell and the weapons to defeat them we pass on potentially critical information. This time, we went over a few other things. A few weeks back some of the geekier Xanders held a research conference to go over the GHS shot and a few other things."

"GHS?" Joyce asked.

"Remember swishy Xander?" Maria Hill said. "The one that gave Stark the goat?" Joyce smiled and nodded. "That was his problem. He let us copy the information pack with the allergy sheet just in case we ran into one here." She looked at Phil. "There's an artificial version?"

"There's a serum to potentially turn it on," he said. "From that same Xander's world. He had a Caesar wannabe as he called him that had it created. He would've went for Xander but he wasn't gay. Xander had it stolen and told their group so they could find out what was in it and if it had any therapeutic uses like perhaps lowering their levels. That Xander also passed it on to the various Xanders last year, before they had a realm merge that solved a lot of problems.

"Which is when HYDRA in that realm got hold of it." Joyce winced. She remembered being part of that realm merge incident. "Their idea was to infect someone and then hold that over their heads. Or to turn someone like Steve into one. As that Xander put it, he trained at a temple of Ares off-realm. He's a good enough warrior to be an anchor for Ares. And he's a purring lap kitty thanks to his hormones."

Steve grimaced, leaning back in his chair. "I'd hate that."

"That version of you probably would as well." Steve nodded that was true. "So at that time, Lavelle took the information to his own research group that he funds as part of his empire. Who started off wanting to test it on a professor they had hated who made their lives hell. Lavelle got the idea to go sightseeing in various realms and bring the formula with him. His research team apparently figured out how to use it to turn on various other conditions."

"Which one is Lavelle?" Maria asked.

"He's the one that is a darker knight. He takes out the bad guys from their own side as a thief and assassin." She blinked a few times, mouth open. "Long story but he was screwed over by his friends out in Sunnydale and LA. He was taken into hell for nine months against his will thanks to them. He was still mostly out of it when he ran into his future mentor and saved him from being killed. So Jigen took him with him."

"That anime...." Steve said. "Clint found it." He frowned.

"It's a copy from one in their world. Lavelle is an anime and comic geek, Steve. He goes to conventions in costumes and all that stuff. They turned their group into an anime at one point." He smiled slightly. "Yes, that was them." He put down a picture. "This is him but due to two artifacts, he can change appearance and gender." He opened the book he carried under his arm to show them. "This is the more important artifact. It is called the Deremere choker. It is a powerful chaos artifact. Our Xander said he knows where it is. You can put it on and change everything about yourself."

"Will DNA still work?" Maria asked.

"Not sure," Phil admitted. "I know it changed Lavelle enough that it allowed him to have children. You used his version of it to have Craig." She shivered. "We just borrowed that one. He actually has two copies of it thanks to a chaos sorcerer named Ethan Rayne."

"So, you put it on and become a girl?" Steve asked.

"You can change your form to any that you can visualize." Steve slumped, staring at him. "Which is why every single Xander that has it in their realm has been on the lookout for it so they can keep it out of bad hands. Small hitch is that only the one that puts it on you can take it off. He managed to get trapped in it thanks to a fellow trainee thief so had to learn how to be a full woman." He flipped the page on the book to show the various pictures. "His most usual ones. He calls his most usual one Sylvia because it would've ruined his reputation if they knew he could change forms."

"I...." Joyce licked her lips. "Do we have one here in this realm?"

"We actually have three versions. One is Dawn's, and from another realm, one is Lavelle's special one that she inherited when he died in the future, the other isn't as powerful. It is presently in royal collection. We've notified them that it is in fact a chaos artifact and the demigod that told them showed them how it worked. They've sealed it up tighter for us. So they're guarding it. When you're in it, you have to use magic to disguise it as well. According to Lavelle, losing a stone thanks to a baby sucking it out of the setting nearly got him stuck in it. He spent whole years in it and had two sets of twins and a single." Maria shivered.

"And most of them have become excellent in the darker fields with him. His kids managed to rob Gringotts when they landed in a Harry Potter realm," he said with a smile. "Lavelle was *so* proud of his kids." Steve slumped, staring at him in open-mouthed awe. "They're *very* good thieves. I told them all if they wanted to go straight and come here, we'd welcome them as agents. They have skills we could really use."

He flipped to another piece of paper he was using as bookmarks. "They went to the same Assassin's Academy we have here. It's run by the same family on both realms so I'm guessing it's at least very similar. We have put forth an invitation to their students who can't be on the darker side to come try out as agents. We're not the only ones who have but I'm hoping a few of them take us up on it." He grinned at Maria. "Bernadette trained there."

"She's an excellent agent, just has some weird ideas about costumes. Must've been from some weird assassins."

"She had been on the helper track instead of the other ones but they all live in dorms so she was probably exposed to them," Phil agreed. He looked at the two heads of SHIELD. "The real warning is that Lavelle wanted to come use that against some of our villains. Or just show up and sightsee. He might have some of the kids, he might not. We have switched around a few of the Xanders to help others that needed it.

"On one realm, the Xander there is a demon hunter and is helping fight back against the demon/angel war. Another of them went to back him up. The higher demons mistakenly summoned Lavelle instead of the local Xander. Lavelle has marks on his body that can kill most demons. He took out a lot just by taking off his shirt." Maria shivered, curling up some. "Also, I should note that we are one of the four realms that could be an evacuation point if one of the other Xanders realms goes critical and they have to save humanity. Ours, Miami GHS Xander's, Lavelle's, and hunter Xander's realm because it held most of them safely while they went to club."

"How many Xanders are there?" Joyce asked.

"We generally have about three hundred and a few of the Army of Der as well. They come in two sizes, the bigger being about action figure sized and the smaller being half their size."

"Army of...." Steve started then shook his head quickly. "Why?"

"Apparently demons had snatched and stranded that world's Xander with a few other hunters and two magic users. One of the magic users made it for Lex for his birthday. They can cook, clean, lay protection wards, sneak stuff, screw, and help research. There's just over a hundred in the army, plus main ones from each of the trapped higher beings. Lex was going to take the mini Dean Winchester Der to the barber on Hunter Xander's realm so he could talk to that group about how he had sidestepped that set of battles on their realm by trapping a lot of higher beings and handing their entombing vases to an order of demons that could protect them forever." He showed him the group picture from the most recent convention. "You can see one of the Der in front of Peter, Writer Xander's husband and another one's sitting on President Xander's shoulder."

"President...." Joyce mouthed then sighed. "Demonic?"

"Not exactly. They had a group of demons who decided the only way to get true peace in the world was to take out every single higher office holder in the world at that time. They got the US down to the state governor level. So the military stepped in to hold things steady, got an election down, talk about it with all the other countries who had been effected to get their elections started, and the people decided to vote in that general because he'd protect them.

"That Xander was third in that line of protective people elected. Interestingly enough it was General O'Neill who was elected first. The Pentagon voted for him to handle it for everyone because of his experience with the Stargate program. Then John Sheppard, then Xander." He smirked more meanly. "That one had to talk himself into only having one term so they'd let him flee DC after twelve years of service there."

Steve shuddered, nodding. "I'd run too." He handed back the book and pictures. "Anything else we have to know before those of us who can go drink all this away?"

"Two things. One, Nick Fury is in one realm that does not have a SHIELD. Lavelle's world doesn't but I did identify the spark that is Nick Fury. He's working with Interpol there." Maria winced, shaking her head. Their Nick Fury would've hated that. "Lavelle found that hilarious by the way. The other is that we're going to have more visitors probably. Sometimes to get away from things. Some might end up at the temple to work with my Xander on magical things.

"Xander Weasley is going to visit to revamp his demonology lectures he teaches at Hogwarts." Maria moaned loudly and covered her face. "He married George. They have a booknerd kid that's worse than Dumass. Who is also going to visit to test some ley lines and a few temples that Xander wanted to have looked at for magical radiation. He's a cursebreaker so that's his sort of job anyway. He's hoping for libraries being intact."

"Any other bad news?" Steve asked quietly.

"Colonel Clay's presently on the world that had the magical spell applied to help that Xander with a strange cult that's causing problems. They think him being a Yellow Fur means that he can handle their version of wacky and stupid ideas easier than the regular humans. So he's being creeped out by his miniaturized version. There Rosenburg pulled them from the movies and made them babies because no other kids would ever understand her. Xander thankfully took them from her to raise."

"Do we have any *good* news?" Joyce asked.

"I've got a list of those who are around the various Xanders so I'm going to look at them to see if they're recruitable. If their other selves can put up with a Xander they can probably put up with SHIELD." The three others nodded. "With that, I actually have today off to recover. Being surrounded by so many Xanders can be overwhelming. The deaged Xanders were enough to make Lavelle's oldest daughter cry once she got to flee." He disappeared.

Maria looked at Steve and Joyce, who were both shaking their heads. "I'll make sure Phil has light duties for the next few days," she promised, going to do that then go home and drink herself into a nap so she wouldn't have nightmares.

Steve looked at Joyce, who was texting Bruce. "Have a good lunch. I'm going to try to block out that whole talk."

"I'm hoping Bruce can take it out of my mind. You could see if Tony's busy, dear." She walked off. Bruce was in the lab downstairs. He could spare her a few minutes.

Steve decided that was a great idea and called Tony, who got beamed out to come help clear his mind. He showed him the tape from that meeting and Tony was just as creeped out so they could take it from each other.

***

Godly Xander looked at the gods he had summoned to meet with him. "I've got to share some things that came up from the last Xander convention before they happen so you can make plans," he announced.

"A what now?" Loki demanded, looking confused.

Xander grinned at his father. "We Xanders have a yearly convention, Dad. We go to bitch, share information, get Xander cuddles for those who need it, share baby pictures for those who have them. Like that photo I showed you that once? That was from a convention, one of the first ones." He smirked. "This year we've got the directory of shared information finally done." He handed it to Heimdall. "I'll want that back."

He flipped through it, grimacing. "Some of this may be pertinent."

"A lot of it may become pertinent. In there is the spell that some eco-pagan spawn of the Devon Coven did on one Xander's realm. It created a mystical D&D world suddenly. Elves, dragons, and all. And unicorns in New York City." Loki shuddered, he had gotten a vision of that. Xander grinned. "Did you see the me there and the shrunken training team at the temple? His Willow deaged the ones in a movie because they were the only sort of kids that'd understand her. Then that Xander took them from her before she destroyed them. Now he's dealing with dragons in Hawaii. Our Clay went there to help him with a problem group." He looked at Heimdall. "That's the artillery design the twin version of me that're CSI and weapons designers came up with. One for fire breathers, one for ice dragons."

Heimdall nodded as he looked them over. "Not horrifying. We may have better in the archives."

Xander grinned. "This is for the normal mortals, Heimdall."

"Then that's reasonable. What other....is that like that one of you that showed up?" he asked as he flipped the page.

"Yes, and there's a shot to turn it on." He looked at Cupid, and Strife, who was biting his fist not to burst out laughing. "Yes, there's a shot to turn on GHS problems. We shared throughout the convention in case someone has a bad idea so they know what it is. Lavelle's got a research team that's taken it and has figured out how to use it to turn on other problems, like having Sentinels here. Or weird forms of magic. Or even that nasty little A/B/O thing that creeped you out, Cupid. Lavelle was going to show up to dose some of our villains." He grinned at him. Strife was moaning in pleasure. "Yeah he powers Janus on his world, Strife."

Strife squeaked and nodded. "Yeah, I know why." He sucked in a breath. "Can he get here to do that?"

"I'm not so sure he hasn't yet," Xander said. "Especially since Joyce said she had talked to Phil but Phil's been sleeping in this morning." Loki slumped, staring at him oddly. "He'd say it's not as much fun to do that sort of thing if they're not looking to stop you. Lavelle is me there but he went through some torture and other bad things so now he's on the darker side and taking out bad people." He grimaced. "He's very effective too. He drives so many people nuts." He looked at Cupid. "If GHS gets started here, I know that the ones in those one's world are all under you and Strife."

Cupid frowned. "I saw that during the realm merge but that's too weird."

Heimdall handed over the book with the section for GHS open. "That's their allergies and on the history of the group and the why of how it works." He looked at Xander. "I saw two Phil's and wasn't sure why."

"Lavelle," he said with a grin. "He's the only us that can imitate the others almost exactly thanks to his illusion necklace and the Deermere choker."

Loki shuddered. "I was truly twisted to make that thing."

"Dawn sure loves it to confuse Clint in the bedroom to make him guess which on she is" Xander quipped. "I've gotten some *fantastic* bleedover thanks to birthdays and anniversaries. And of course Maria used his former one to give Tara Danielle when she wanted another baby."

Cupid frowned, looking at him. "Is that how it happened?"

"Yeah. Maria used the choker on Tara and Tara used the squirty bulb sex toy on Maria." He grinned. "That's why Craig is Phil's biological kid and Dani is Maria's." Cupid shook his head quickly and got back to reading. "So when and if it happens, how are you going to deal with it, Cupid?"

"I'm going to find that version of you and paddle his ass," Cupid complained, handing Strife the book.

"He might like spanking games, no idea," Xander quipped. He smirked at him. "He wanted to take out some super bad villains that way, Cupid."

Cupid held his stomach, shaking his head. "Damn!"

"Yeah, so make some plans?"

"I can do that," Strife agreed, handing the book back to Heimdall. "I can sense a few other things and there's the rest of us who aren't love gods. And a missing Love Goddess who sent her dog." He pointed.

Xander grinned. "Hi, Hava. Are you having a good puppy day? Freya's been giving you too much food. You's a chunky puppy," he told the dog of war as he petted him. Hava barked and ran off. He grinned at his Janus, his father, Ares, and a few other chaos gods. "We are on the evacuation plan if one of the other Xander's realms goes tits up. Us, Lavelle's world, Miami Xander's world, and possibly President me's world." Ares shuddered at that thought. "Hey, the people wanted protective sorts. They started out voting in Jack O'Neill." He grimaced at his stepfather then grinned. "Then John got elected with me as his VP there."

"I'd put you both out of your misery," Ares promised, shuddering again. "Oh, damn!"

"Yup, basically," Xander agreed. "So if they come here it'll be worse than the realms where they couldn't put us both together again after Toth's hammer hit me so I'm twins. You guys need to make some plans for that."

Heimdall moaned, holding his head. "I did not need that vision, Xander."

"Sorry, Heimdall." He patted him on the arm. "Could be worse, dude. I could be me, GHS, and twins."

"We would help that realm reform after you killed most of them," Loki complained, rubbing his head. Phil walked in with bottles of water and advil. "Thank you, Philip."

"Thanks, Dark Me," Xander quipped, taking some water. He got winked at then Lavelle strolled off after changing back. Ares was making horrified squeaky noises. Strife and Loki were moaning at the hit of chaos they just took. Cupid was just moaning and taking things for his new headache.

Heimdall sipped his water and sighed. "I fear that Dawn's people will not have much to do for a bit. Most of the villains they would deal with are still single so would have to find coping mechanisms first."

"Should we warn them of the allergy sheet?" Xander asked.

Cupid moaned and choked but nodded. "I can't take the hit from one of them going on a surge, Xander. Please warn them?"

"I can put information out there through Stark." He looked at the others. "Magic is going to pick back up. Mostly because we have two realms that're going to fade out soon that we stored heavy magic artifacts on. In one case the hidden realm that the Chinese pantheon is hiding on is unraveling. We just found them again because of that and they don't know how to fix it. John's been talking to them once they started to reappear in this realm.

"We've got two magical pantheons beyond their version coming back and the realm that we stored our version of the magical society in those Harry Potter books is one of them." Strife winced but nodded slowly. "That also means that the realm with the magical beings and the magical artifacts...the one we're hiding," he prompted, nodding at the two magic using goddesses he had invited. They both went on a moaning fit. "I want to know by the end of the week what you're going to do to help them hide again and how you're going to do it. With their input if there's sentient beings on that realm."

One nodded. "We can examine those and see, Xander," she agreed. "I forgot we even had those. Hecate helped with those spells."

"She's not going to be available," Xander said dryly. Then he grinned. "I'm sure you can fill in. You and Rowena maybe?"

"She is a strong witch out of the Celtic pantheon," the other magic goddess agreed quietly. "We can look those over and help wherever is needed, Xander."

"Good. The Chinese pantheon isn't sure if they can sustain themselves if they're back here."

"We can look at that and perhaps anchor them differently," the other one decided, looking at her elder. "We'll give you or your mate a report in about a week." He grinned and nodded.

Cupid suddenly sat up, wincing as the power hit him. "He didn't just go for villains. Reed Richards got hit by the GHS shot but he's fairly low level."

"Well the guy does cause problems," Phil said as he walked in, doing up his shirt cuffs. He looked at Xander. "I felt Lavelle."

"He reported on the convention to Joyce, Steve, and Maria as you. They're all getting drunk. He even warned them that he had the GHS turning on shot to use on some villains."

Phil shook his head. "Great. I'm going to get funny looks for weeks." He looked at Cupid. "You can appoint one of the others to handle GHS problems, Cupid."

"I...it might warp the kid." He looked at Strife, taking his hand to feed energy to him. "Wow." He shook his head quickly. "So many bad ideas just started."

"We'll send someone to talk to him," Phil told him. "Can you give me a list of the others?"

"I was going to let Stark put out the information," Xander said.

"He'll hate that. People will start asking if he's infected or if Dawn was."

"Well, HYDRA wanted to dose Steve when they got hold of it," Loki sneered. "It could be worse."

"Yeah, it could've come with the tentacle pool," Strife quipped. "Those nice people on those other Asgards are probably having a lot of fun."

Loki grinned and nodded. "I scried. They are. They're actually not in the Golden Halls any longer thanks to their pools."

"I'm sure that Odin loved to build a second Valhalla," Xander quipped, shaking his head. "I have no idea what'll happen for the next one or if I'm immune now." Ares glared at him. He grinned. "Last time's was okay."

"Shut up, Xander," Ares ordered. "I'll take you out if you make my life more hellish."

"It could be like the year of the disco balls," Phil offered, staring at his mate. "But I'm hoping you can fight it off this year, Xander."

"Maybe we'll channel that energy into a fly?" he suggested with a wink at the end.

"Perhaps." He sat down, taking the book from Heimdall, who was moaning and shaking his head. "It was very comforting even though I don't like flying and John enjoyed it a lot."

"John should've been born with wings," Cupid agreed. He cleared his throat. "There's now eighteen GHS on this realm. And some of them are super ugly sorts who'd never be able to even keep a bought lover because they'd probably torture and kill them. Wow this is going to be bad." He looked at Ares, who shook his head. "Can one of you announce it? It'd save Stark being beaten to death."

"Probably," Loki agreed. "I can try to." Xander grinned at him. "Because I am not going to claim any benefit from it."

Cupid reached over to touch Loki's hand. "One that you were trying to distract and defeat is one that was hit."

Loki looked smugly at his spouse Ares. "One of your warlords I wanted to stop for being such a stain on humanity."

"I can announce it to him," he agreed, grimacing some. "I'd rather he just died."

"Well, taking the sperm does make the hormones go down easier," Xander said with a grin for him. "Giving a blowjob is more helpful than receiving one for them."

"That....may be enough," Ares agreed. "Anything else for me in this mess?"

"That dragon spell. So far only Stark knows about the artillery."

"I can tell a few of the favored ones to talk to him and Dawn about that," Ares agreed.

"Make plans in case a whole other realm has to evacuate back here. Find a way to welcome and help the Chinese pantheon."

"I can do those," he agreed. "Let me go announce that problem has started." He got handed a virtual copy of the information and allergy sheets from the book. "Thank you, Strife. Come on. That way you can suck it up before it spreads." He went to talk to that warlord first. He was surrounded by people so that helped. He appeared with Strife behind his right shoulder. "Morning," he announced smugly.

"Lord Ares!" one of the minor warlords shouted and went to his knees. A few others bowed.

"It's nice when they know who you are," Strife smugly shot back. "Huge news. Hear and obey the edicts, people."

Ares nodded. "Thanks to something that happened during that temporary realm merge a few months back, a problem has been started among people. Including some here." He shot that warlord he hated a look. "In one of those realms a shot became available that turned on a hormone problem. It causes raising in the sex hormones that make people ...needy." He handed one of the warlords he favored those sheets.

"In the realm it originated in, the one that they modeled the shot from trained at one of my temples. Was marked as one of my better warriors. Knew another style of fighting that incorporated dance moves and was taught to young men to keep their interest. He got kidnaped so many times that he destroyed forty-five realms to get free. He went from my warrior to a concubine who *needed* sex to wear out the hormones and pheromones so he was safer. Went from a true warrior to a full concubine."

"Lord Ares, is one of us infected?" another warrior asked.

"Yup, sure is," Strife agreed with a grin. "Two of you got minor levels. One of you is a major level eight. Over there, level eights usually had a full time lover, a part time lover, and usually could only work from home due to the clouding of their minds from the hormones."

"They turn into fluttering, humming, stinking like sex brainless fairies with wing problems as one of mine in that realm called them," Ares agreed, looking at the warlord again. "And it is interesting that in males, the taking in of sperm helps more than the giving of it. If any of my warriors are infected with this, they're forgiven for it like any other natural disease they got. I will not allow them to treat others helping them horribly. If they are in danger of being kidnaped we'll have Alexander set up some sort of sanctuary. In that information is on the support group they had in their realm and on the allergy sheets it turned on. There's things that can raise your hormones and things that can lower it."

Strife stepped forward. "The lowering stuff, it'll kill ya if it's used too often, people. No more than every few months." A few nodded at that. "In that realm, Alexander was infected with that and he's the one that trained at that temple if that gives you an idea. On that realm he's a long haired spoiled concubine sort who has to keep taking himself back and has to keep sending back tacky presents like jewel covered artillery. Using the lowering herbs nearly killed him." The warriors nodded, looking at the information they had. "Pass that around," Strife ordered. "Make sure everyone knows so they can hide it if they feel the need to."

"Thankfully, the darker than average knight that made sure that shot was active on this realm mostly went for those who cause problems for people," Ares complained. "Including some of you for your ways." He shot another warlord a look. "You're damn lucky." He nodded, bowing frantically while praying praise to Ares' name. He looked around again. "I have talked to other gods and they have decided this is a good idea if you're causing their people problems. Roque was all but rolling around on the ground laughing." He and Strife disappeared. Strife got another copy of those sheets from Phil for Ares to do the announcing.

Back at that compound, the warriors were looking at each other. A few were getting sniffed. The head warlord got sniffed and the person who smelled him moaned and backed away before he got grabbed by the older warrior. "We will ask Alexander to set up a sanctuary for us," that one announced loudly. "So that those affected can be safe from being stolen and used."

Xander appeared, staring at that one, head tipped to the side with a slight grin on his face. "Go to Roque's father's temple. He's a healer and can tell if the same allergies are present here, and maybe find a few people a cure in a good bondmate." He smiled. "He won't appreciate the work but he's the closest, sanest one who could do so. I'll find a way to get you better sanctuary than that soon." He disappeared after looking at that bothersome warlord. That one would hate to feel weak by becoming gay for this reason. All the ones that backed his power would hate it too. That was an inspired problem solving plan Lavelle had.

***

Ares appeared next to Stark at a press conference about some tech that they were putting out. "I can find a few different uses for that," he said.

Dawn came onto the stage from the side. "Lord Ares, a problem?" she asked plainly.

"Here to announce something, Dawn. You're convenient and your boss knows about it anyway." Strife handed over the sheets. Dawn took them and giggled, handing them to Stark to project. Ares looked at them. "I'm Ares, God of War," he announced. "Thanks to that realm merge recently a problematic shot has traveled to this realm. It turns on that problem," he said with a point at the projection. "This problem can be strong enough that the Alexander in that realm is infected with it and he is now a concubine instead of the warrior ours is." Stark nodded he knew that.

"He appeared here once to get some help with some minor problems and to hang out with ours. Thankfully during that realm merge HYDRA got hold of the shot that would turn that problem on. Earlier today, someone who was not HYDRA used it to infect a few...problem people as he saw it. We know that there are at least nineteen people infected. One wearing spandex," he said dryly, looking at Dawn then at Stark. "You might want to talk to him before he's kidnaped to create portals for someone else." Dawn moaned, nodding at that.

"Most of the rest were people who were causing problems that would upset the Alexander here. It was a thoughtful present that one gave Alexander," Ares finished sarcastically. "As you can see from this information there are actually things that can make you surge when you have that infection. There are things that can be used very sparingly to lower it."

"Like not more than every three months, people," Strife added. "Seen it nearly kill some and did kill others."

"I'm letting Stark here administer the information as needed. He can get hold of the blood test kit and how to do a formal test. We trust him to not tell others about anyone infected because that would make them great kidnaping targets. The Alexander infected with this in his realm has had to take himself back so many times he's destroyed forty-five demon realms getting free and a shit ton of fancier houses that he had been held in. We'd hate that for most of the people infected." He looked at Stark.

"Yeah, I can get hold of how to do the blood tests and set up a group to do that, give over the proper information that they have, test any new allergies that may not have been on that realm, and keep anyone infected absolutely quiet. Does our Alexander have anything else on it?"

"Perhaps. I know he's said he's willing to set up a sanctuary spot for a few warriors who were infected as well as their bosses." He rolled his eyes. "Some people are having a bite from karma you might say." He nodded at Dawn. "Have fun helping."

"Of course. I adored the GHS Xander I met. He was a nice, sweet guy who was a really great cook." Ares smirked at her before disappearing. "He's a lot more kind since he married Loki," she said. Strife tried not to giggle but was nodding as he disappeared too. She took the information sheets. "Let me make copies and start pulling together team suggestions, Stark." She walked off.

"Yeah, put in some hormone research members," he called after her. "They'll need medical help probably." He rubbed over his face. "SHIELD got warned someone had the shot and might be using it to bite the dark side. I guess they were right," he quipped. "Let me go manage that mess before someone decides to see if that'll work on me." He followed Dawn, letting his PR team handled the rest of this problem's announcement for him. "Dawn, who?" he demanded when he caught up to her.

"Lavelle." She grinned. "The one that went dark, boss." She held open the car door for him and then walked around to get into the passenger's seat. Tony demanded to drive when it was anyone but Happy in the car. He sped off, going back to the lab to handle this problem for everyone. "By the way, I got a text on the way out from Phil. He hit Reed Richards."

Tony had to pull over to laugh before he crashed the car. "Oh, Gods," he laughed, shaking his head. "I guess he'll be causing less accidents for New York then."

"I think that was the idea, yeah. We'll have to talk to him later."

"You and Pepper have fun with that," he hiccuped. "I don't want to see his face when he hears that." She just grinned at him for that bit of annoying times she'd get.

***

Hunter Dean looked up as a phoenix appeared next to him. A black phoenix. He looked at his brother. "Sammy?" he called when he noticed he was researching and hadn't noticed their visitor. "Sammy!" Sammy's head shot up and he noticed the bird. "Did you summon the bird?"

"Poor Deany," the bird cooed. "All confused and ditzy."

"Birds don't talk," Sam said. "You must be demonic. You feel demonic."

"Yeah, that's because my version of you pulled me the rest of the way out of hell," the bird chirped with a bird grin. "You nursed me back to health and let me be presumed to be dead to save me." He changed back into a Xander and sat on the back of the chair with a grin for them. "I got asked to come help you guys with the douche patrol in hell. Can I get explosives into your versions?

"I can get explosives into mine but getting them into heaven doesn't work as well unless I attach it to one of them and banish them back." He grinned at Castiel, who had very wide eyes. "Hey, how ya doin'? I met the you in my realm. He tried to tell me I should drop some of the anger at the people who accidentally gave me to a demon. Then he got the wizarding world help by sending me and Sam as portents of doom."

Dean cleared his throat. "How did you change that way?"

"Killing higher level demons is like Highlander. You kill them, suck up their essence, kill the next one, suck their quickening, take it to kill higher ones." He grinned. "When you had to be saved from a soul contract to get Sammy back I came down and got you out as fast as I could. I owe my Sammy a life debt so I helped when he asked. It was nice they had a Lilith that wasn't really her. Someone took over the name and position for the easy career advancement."

"So like that other one that was here," Dean said casually.

"Lavelle did a lot more of his by hand. I've used a lot of plastic explosives." He grinned. "Lavelle's a god with his sword sometimes. I'm good but not that great. I'm also younger so there's that."

Sam coughed to clear his throat. "Can you help us stop them?"

"Of course I can." He grinned. "We managed to help take out a dork lord in the wizarding world to save Harry and trained Draco in how to manage things before we had to rescue him thanks to Willow."

"We ran into her a few times here too. She liked to torture the you here," Dean said.

Xander nodded. "We talked. Buffy sent me to hell by saying she wished I'd go away or be taken by a demon or die or something. Thankfully I was still a virgin. So I managed to get free and get out of there. Whole different section than had Lavelle. Mine wasn't that high and he hated to carve things. Didn't really like blood." Castiel slumped, staring at him. "At least you treat me better than most of the angels on my realm, Castiel. They just see me as an oddity that they want to be history. Didn't like it too much when I took some of them out for their shit either. A few angelic realms you can get C-4 into." He grinned. "And hey, it worked. Michael died hard."

"Wow," Dean said. "Okay, how can we help you help us, Xander?"

He grinned. "What do you need help with?"

"Crowley's presently in charge," Sam said. "Though injured thanks to Lavelle."

"Yeah, Lavelle doesn't put up with shit anymore. He's so broken on that level. Between boyfriends who only liked him when he put on the choker and became a girl and all the other stresses, he's just mostly done and had enough. I'm still a bit optimistic. Mostly thanks to Sam helping me heal when he found me crawling my way out of a portal."

"You must've been really injured," Sam said, frowning at him.

"Yeah, and hellbourne injuries take half of forever to heal," Xander agreed, nodding some. He changed down into a mouse and ran under the table.

A demon appeared and tried to attack them. "You'll all die!" the demon shouted. Castiel fought him off.

Xander suddenly appeared in his phoenix form. "Why hi there." He landed on Dean's shoulder to stare at the demon. Who had stopped attacking to stare at him in horrified awe. "How're you doing today?"

"Oh Dark Gods Below!" the demon said, backing away. "How did you get here! We trapped you!" He disappeared again.

The bird looked at Sam. "They don't know me very well yet. I really should correct that." Another demon showed up and Xander flew over to stare at it, hovering in front of his head. "Hi!" The demon burst out crying and fled. He landed and turned back into a human. "Those two aren't ones I've got on my tapestry of honor. I'll have to start a new one. Maybe on computer and I'll use a printer until I get home and I can sew the names on specially." He looked around then at the new demon who showed up. "Hi!" He bounded over to smile at him. "You making a move let me escape the one that had been given me against my will. I'd hug you but you might like it." He grinned. "I should see if Sividia me has ever met you."

Crowley stared at the young one. "You're not our Xander," he said patiently. This one felt weird but not as weird as the one he had summoned by accident.

"Nah. Ours asked for some help during the convention of Xanders. There were over three hundred of us but the magic 8 ball said to come help." He smirked. "So." He felt his arm up. "Yup, you're explodable. Good." Crowley's eyes went wide and he backed up, shaking his head. "We can do that. A few of us are great at it. I got all sorts of recipes from some of us."

"They mentioned a Dark Phoenix." Xander changed and hovered, flapping his wings gently. "Oh, Goddess Below," he mumbled, staring at it. Then Xander changed back with a grin. He tested him by touching him with a single fingertip. "I...how many have you taken out?"

"I was stolen by Hermatic's head boy thanks to my friend's loaded wish." He grinned at him. "So I fought my way out." Crowley nodded, taking another step back and letting his hand fall. "Frankly, I stopped the one in my realm with explosives. Another of us stopped it by trapping a lot of higher beings and handing over their urns to a watching group to protect them. They even got the PTB."

Crowley licked his lips, nodding again. "I can see how that'd be good."

"Another of me used an owed wish to bind true mates together." He grinned. "So pretty when he gave them a six month honeymoon as humans." He gave him a pointed look. "Think of all the intermarrying that might go on. All the lube that'll be needed as a present." He waved a hand around. "I'm told Michael and Lucifer were *so* happy while they existed. Then they tried to take out that Xander together so he used a thermal grenade up the ass with help from a succuba." He grinned. "He's a male slayer now thanks to wishes on that realm."

Crowley cleared his throat. "We'll gladly call a detente until all the current hunters are gone," he decided, looking at Castiel. Who was still looking confused. "You didn't know?"

"I'm not aware of any of those realms."

"Lex taught us how to scry," Xander quipped. "I can show you guys." He looked around. "I'd need water."

"No, that's fine. I can go do that at home," Crowley said, backing away. Apparently all Xanders were dangerously insane. "Let me go do that. Then we'll talk later about this silly war thing going on." He disappeared so fast he left his scarf. Once he was back in hell he let out a loud 'FUCK!' that made a few other demons jump. "We must scry the various Xander Harris's. They've been sharing information on how they stopped the war." He stopped when he noticed something on his shoulder. "What are you?" he demanded. It looked like a miniature Winchester but looked less smug than Dean usually did. Though it did feel rather weird to him, very magical.

"Dean Der," he said with a smirk. "On the Council of Der of our Lord Lex. He wanted me to come talk to the big me here because he thought he was going fully insane in increments. You just set the stage so I'm going to show you what you messed with." He hopped down. "Let's go find some water, dude."

"I'm the Master of Hell," Crowley said. "How did someone shrink you!"

"Oh, no, Draco made us for Lord Lex." He grinned. "We're all *very* helpful to our Lords. Water?" Crowley pointed at the bowl being brought in and filled. Dean Der hopped up and set up the scrying spell so the others could see how his Lex had done it. Then how male slayer Xander had done it. A few of the demons started to cry. Dean Der smiled. "We can find that magic box and I'm pretty sure our Xander might have a wish owed somewhere. Yours probably would too. They do tend to make friends like that. And like us." Dean Der grinned at the staring demons. He showed them how they got made and the demons all moved away from him. He cooed at Crowley. "You have a bunch of wooses, dude. I've seen tougher butterflies. Prettier ones too. Maybe they're moths because they munch on cotton?"

Crowley handed the being to one of the other demons. "Hand him back, unharmed, so he can go back to his own realm with the one who can change into a phoenix."

"That's not our Lex," Dean Der said smoothly but smirking at him. "That one just owed Sammy a life debt and needed to be around more people who wouldn't freak out so often. We need to give him a few Der to help him." He smirked at the demon. "Don't touch the prettiness too much, bitch. I'm not into your kind, I like mine with life."

"How many of you are there?" Crowley demanded.

"The Army of Der? Six on the Council and then the army itself is about a hundred-and-ten I think. Lord Draco was planning to make a few more for some who needed them. At the convention?" he asked smugly when he got glared at by the demons. "Over three hundred of Xanders." He grinned. "They're all so cool in their own ways. You guys are one of our marked evacuation realms if something too huge happens."

Crowley looked at the others. "Get him home." They took Dean Der back. Crowley went to call for a truce talk. The angels had to know that the Humanity group wasn't playing fair and had access to things that would make them all die. Or be tortured. Though that one about true mates had given him good ideas. He didn't have one. He could definitely see if he could manage that on his own. So much less of a headache with those ones out of his way.

His world needed fewer Xanders, of all kinds.

Though if someone overthrew him he'd have a lot of fun watching them deal with all the Xanders.

***

Dean Winchester looked at the Dean Der that got delivered by a shaky, nearly crying demon. "Okay, what are you?" he asked.

"Dean Der. Lord Draco made us as a present for Lord Lex's birthday. He made one of each of the higher ones so they'd have a council over the Army of Der." He smirked and winked at Sam. "Lord Harry really enjoys getting helped by your Der." He grinned up at his other self again. "I never realized how much fun a convention was for all the Xanders and the army. It's pretty cool meeting other versions of me."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, I guess it could be. Are you ...normal? Evil?"

"Mildly naughty but loving every minute of it." He looked around. "Do we have any toffee so I can bring some back with me? The army's been missing their morale spot thanks to Lord John being a stick in the mud about succuba."

"Yeah, Dad would definitely hate toffee during sex and the summoning of succuba for fun and games." Sam came closer to look at the miniature Dean, picking him up.

Dean Der grinned at him. "Yeah, I'm still the same Dean, bitch."

"Uh-huh. What else do you do?"

"I help Lord Lex a lot. I'm his helper mostly so he has someone to talk to. Most of the Council don't join in with the morale supporting going on." He grinned. "The mini you tends to hang out with Lord Harry to help him."

"Huh." He patted him on the head and put him on a table before he would cuddle the mini Dean. He was adorable! "Can you do magic?"

"Slightly. Lord Draco found out we all have a touch of magic like he and Lord Harry do. Magic practice is so boring though." He grimaced. "You can't really count on a wand, dude."

"No, not a weapon I'd want either," Dean agreed, nodding some. He was having a headache for some reason. "Let's settle in for the night." He looked at the Xander, who had turned back into a mouse so was hiding on the couch of their rental apartment. Dean Der hopped down to go snuggle up with him. Castiel decided to take another bed for the night and the two brothers settled into their beds with held-in freakouts repressed like true Winchester men. They both decided they now knew why Xander was so weird. It hadn't *just* been Rosenburg's fault apparently. They'd have to tell the others that knew Xander so they could help him calm down into a normal hunter. Before he got a miniature of himself to talk to when he was off on hunts.

Sam blinked at the feeling of something sneaking into his bed, staring at the mouse and mini Dean. They both snuggled into his side and for some reason he felt comforted but it was still a bit weird. "Don't let me roll over on you two," he said quietly. They shifted for him and he let himself sleep. Being guarded was nice. He even unconsciously cuddled the mini Dean in his sleep. That was...weird. Very weird but nice.

***

Lavelle and Princess Xander landed back at a location that wasn't his home palace, like most of the rest of them. Xander frowned as he looked around. "Oh, yeah, Jethro's holding a fair for a village's celebration this year. The year they got the fishing beach rebuilt or something." He looked at Lavelle, who was grinning around. "Please don't steal stuff?"

"I'm only here to pass on information, mini me. Relax. This is just fun." He winked. "Besides, I look like your older relative." Princess Xander nodded that was true, walking them off toward the castle. They ran into a few other royals on the way. "Wow, you have the enemy to my sanity too," he said sarcastically.

Princess Xander looked and nodded. "She runs the kingdom of Sunnydale. She hasn't held her spot long but she's doing okay enough." He looked at his older self. "You have a Queen Buffy in your world?"

"I have a Buffy. She's not a queen. She's a nagging cunt to be honest. She's caused me no end of trouble, including telling everyone I had been gifted by someone so I was now an enemy." He smirked at his younger self. "She and I live on different continents and it's always a great idea for her to not leave Cleveland."

"Huh. Interesting. There's King Mac, King Horatio, Queen Timothy, and King Jethro." He waved. "They can set up a convergence meeting so we can pass on all the information we've built up." He got nodded at by Horatio, who gave his guest a weird look. He grinned as he walked up to them. "I'm back from the convention of my other selves. This is Lavelle, he came back with me so he could share some information."

King Jethro stared at him. "You feel like one of those demons."

"At one time I was gifted to one against my will. Now I've taken out a good portion of them." He grinned sweetly. "I made a vow that I'd be a good boy while I was here helping my younger self from this realm." He patted him on the back.

"Hey!" Xander complained. "I'm not that much younger!"

"I'm over sixty," Lavelle shot back, grinning at him.

"Okay, so maybe I am," Princess Xander decided. He looked at the others. "There's things that we can share that will help us with the beings like Crowley."

"I nearly killed mine and I was only playing with him because he pissed me off," Lavelle agreed casually. He looked around, smirking at someone. "Hmm. Pretty." Everyone looked then Lavelle stared back, shrugging some. "My husbands don't mind. They like to ignore me a lot. I made a whole island full of prostitutes so they'd quit straying on me."

King Horatio cleared his throat. "What do you do in your world?"

"I take out the bad from the dark side. We don't have too many kings or queens left and most are ceremonial."

"Ah."

"Though I do know the you from my realm. He was trying to question my children about their presence at an amusement facility. Pissed me off to no end. One of your people became one of my daughters' tutors because she wanted to do good things and take out criminals from that side."

"How dark can it get?" Horatio asked.

Lavelle rolled his sleeves up and a few beings near them shrieked and held their eyes. He grinned at Horatio. "The one who had me made me a great weapon against all demons. So I used it on him and a lot of other ones." He pushed down his sleeve. "I can teach this young one some of my tricks and I can give you what you'd need to start a Hunter's Academy or the like."

"That's reasonable I guess," Jethro agreed. "We can go talk to the others." The boys walked off together, talking about something. Jethro gave his guard a look. "Go warn Abby that we've got a guest who's going to tell us some information on how to hunt demons easier." The guard nodded, running for the castle. Xander would take a bit longer so he could have lunch. He had looked hungry. He looked at the other rulers, who just nodded it was a good warning. They followed the set of boys up to the castle. They had no idea how their Xander could turn into someone like...that.

***

Abby looked up as the guard panted into her ear. "Really? Interesting. Thank you. Go send the rest of the rulers up please? I know a few are at the fair." He nodded, going to pass that message. She looked at the others that were resting. "We're apparently having a meeting," she announced. "King Xander brought a guest." A few gave her some odd looks. "The messenger said that Jethro is worried. Someone go wake up Alan and his boys." She got things started so the meeting wouldn't cause too much interruption in their day. She could feel it when their visitor showed up. She stared at him. "You feel...different."

He bowed with a rakish grin. "I was gifted against my will, my dear. Now I'm hunting the bad side from their side."

She nodded, grinning back. "Seems reasonable. You hunt demons as well?"

"Often. Plus I have information from others of us who do the same. We're all visiting each other after our last convention to talk to our other selves."

She cleared her throat, nodding. "All right. Do we have to bend our wards?" He stepped in and she sighed. "Just tainted then?"

"One had me for nine months," he said sarcastically.

"Yup, that's bad." She walked him off. "Xander, heel."

King Xander barked but followed. He waved at the maid who was half-succuba, making her run off.

"I'd never hurt her," Lavelle called. "I only hurt evil bitches and I'm sure this nice queen doesn't house those." The maid peeked out with a grin for him then back into the room she was hiding in. He looked down at Abby. "I didn't mean to scare anyone. Though I can introduce something very livening up to some peoples if you want." He grinned.

"That's a naughty grin and Jethro hates it when I see those," she shot back but was smirking.

"No, naughty us is Sividia us. He likes to creep people out by defying gravity when he hangs upside down from his flying perch."

"He does have very soft wings," King Xander agreed, nodding some. Abby looked at him. "He had a Princess of Rosenburg in his realm too. She turned him into a higher level demon." Abby shuddered. "But he's nicely with his Princess Sam and they both like to play with his wings for foreplay." He grinned. "He holds his town safe as a sanctuary for non-evil, non-hunting demons."

"Ah," she said, sounding weak. "That's very weird, boys." They nodded. She got them into the meeting room. "Here, now we can all get answers, and probably headaches," she decided. "Let me get tea started." They nodded. Xander sat down and Lavelle leaned on the window next to the fireplace.

Lavelle grinned. "Did you ever find out if you have that choker here?"

"The one that lets you be a chameleon? Not that I've heard of. We don't have chaos artifacts like that."

"Pity. I like it a lot." The others started to come in. He smiled and waved at King Dean and Princess Sam. "I seem to keep seeing versions of you these last few days."

"Explain that?" Sam demanded, hand on his dagger.

"There's a convention where I can talk to other versions of myself," Xander said, reaching over to pat his free hand. "This is Lavelle, the me from his world. He knows more about demons than we do and he's sharing information."

"That explains why he feels like one," Buffy said as she came in. "Interesting. Why do you feel like a demon?"

"Because someone gave me to one," Lavelle said dryly. "That one wanted me to be the weapon to take out the higher ups. So I started with the one that had me. I've taken out a good quarter of mine over the years."

She sat down in her seat. "That's interesting. What else do you?"

"We don't have many kings and queens on my realm, Buffy. Though I do know the you there and she's a cunt." She gasped but winced and nodded. "She earned that name too. Many times." She slumped. He looked at Sam. "I've met a few versions of you two in the last few days. One of me that was turned into a Sividia has you and Dean shows up now and then. He rescued Dean after he died. His Dean also got stolen moments at a time by his Sam, who was being courted by some higher demons to take over thanks to a prophecy." Sam and Dean both groaned and shook their heads.

"They sidestepped Sam supposedly claiming all of their realm for his higher ups in Hell because people used to mistranslate prophecies on purpose. It went from he'd claim some land, which he did when he married that Xander, to claiming everything." He grinned. "They're mostly happy but they creep out a lot of people when they think about kids. They sent all of their Hell to the bar for that thought. They outright banned them until they could buy better teachers for their future spawn."

Dean sighed but nodded. "Makes sense to me too. If Sammy ever had kids I'd probably want to drink too." He looked at his brother. "What's a sividia?"

"The grey, fluffy winged ones that lead Hell's armies in battle," he said. "Was that Rosenburg princess in debt to a demon?"

"Addicted to her powers," Xander quipped with a grin for him. "She also pulled someone out of heaven in another realm during that same sort of problem. A few of us at the convention had her do that and start off the First Evil prophecies. Which took seven slayers to solve." Buffy shuddered, shaking her head. "There, being a slayer was an appointed gift, not a bloodline to the throne," he told her.

"I pity those mes," she said. Alan came in last and sat down. "We have a visitor, King Alan. He's another Xander from another realm."

"I heard."

Xander looked at him. "Now if only you weren't a demon in hiding," he said sarcastically. The demon shrieked and faded out. Lavelle shook his head with a sigh. "I hate it when they try to play mind games." He looked up. "Really?" An imp showed up with a note, cowering away from him. "I don't hurt imps," he told it. He read the note and snorted. "They do so work here. A few are backwards for this realm but not all. The six that won't work I've already noted mentally. Thanks for the idea though. Tell your master that." The imp disappeared. "I have one I put into a library system to get information for me." He grinned. "They're very handy." He crossed his feet, nodding at the three men coming in. "The demon that pretended to the older man there is very sorry."

Alan paused to stare at him. "You look like Xander. A relative?"

He grinned. "Not exactly." Alan sat down and banged his fist on the pad to start the meeting. "Hi, all. For those who haven't heard my name is Lavelle. I'm the Xander from another realm." A few laughed. "Seriously," he told one. "We hold yearly conventions to talk to ourselves. There's over three hundred of us that show up to talk to ourselves. Yours only joined last year but I realized I had a lot of information I could share to help him, and by extension you guys, with the demon problems. For those that can feel demon things, yeah I feel like one thanks to someone giving me to one to supposedly stop an apocalypse battle. They regretted that decision and the demons did too when I killed a quarter of our demon corps."

He grinned at the shivering young woman. "I only take out bad guys. You're safe." He grinned and patted Xander on the head. "According to what I've found out, you guys used to have an Order of the Hawk here. A priestly order of hunters?" A few frowned but Sam nodded. "I have a lot of the stuff that they lost. I'm more than happy to share with this Xander so he quits having to be plagued. There's plenty more fun things than being plagued by higher demons."

"I've heard of that order," Sam said. "But they were destroyed." He looked at his brother's mate. "By your family."

Castiel nodded once. "They were because they were strong hunters. They burned down their temple completely."

"Yes but we have similar things and I can share," Lavelle said.

"For what sort of fee?" Alan asked.

Lavelle grimaced. "I wouldn't let my other self suffer. We get plenty of that without demons." King Xander grimaced but nodded. "Did the ones that can use a forge help you with your technique?" he asked him.

"A bit. I'm still not great at it but I can figure out how to undent things and make horseshoes. Plus maybe some of those hairpins that one Xander makes a lot of."

Lavelle grinned at him. "Those are great presents and a slight weapon if you need 'em. And you know, they found out how to turn that problem on." Xander shuddered. "I offered to dose the stick-up-the-butt sorts with it but I got overruled by Dumass."

"I would adore looking in his library," King Xander sighed, slumping some. "His personal library is bigger than this room and at least six stories up." Alan's younger son moaned at that.

"Dumass is another us and he goes to remove magical things from tombs before the regular humans find them because they're not supposed to know about the magical community," Lavelle explained. "He's had *years* of doing that. He loves library jobs because it means he can have things copied for his personal library. He's got more books than I've got comic books, which says something about us really." He smiled at his other self then pulled out a bag, opening it to pull books out. He handed one to himself. "That is the accumulated knowledge we've gathered from each other, though yours was edited for things that you don't have technology wise. It's not fair to taunt you about weapons you can't make because you don't have the firepower for it."

"Gee thanks. Anything else got dumbed down?"

"Just some computer stuff. We have machines that can store information," Lavelle told the others. "We didn't include that in his version of that book. We did include things on the marks I wear and I've edited by imp for the ones that won't work here and how to change them so they can work here."

"Marks?" Dean demanded.

"Castiel, you'll want to look away. I nearly fried another of you the last time I showed them off." He rolled up his sleeve then sighed and took off his overshirt.

"Oh, fuck," Dean muttered, getting up to look. He looked at Xander. "Can I?"

"Yeah. It took forever to heal them down to scars thanks to the one that had me. He wanted to set me loose in a meeting of his higher ups. Sucked to be him when I killed him with some." He grinned. "There's two of us at the convention who've fought our way out of hell. The other one's helping a group of hunters who're handling an angel versus demon war to destroy humanity." He turned to let Dean see another one. Castiel did moan at that.

"I know and it won't work as marked here, but it will work if you adjust it to the north," he told him. He looked back at Dean. "That mark is probably what he's moaning over. It can create a hellmouth. That portal point of energy? That's that. All it needs is shifted to the north instead of how mine is and some blood spread on it with two activation words." He gave him a pointed look. "I don't want to go there... but it has helped me rescue my kids in the past. We had to go through hell to get away from a guy who was going to create an apocalypse battle on his own."

"Wow." He frowned, touching another one. That got a flinch. "Sorry." He stepped back.

Lavelle shrugged. "That one will work here. It's how I gave the Castiel I ran into a migraine and nearly fried a few demon's eyeballs out of their heads." He grinned slightly. "He thought he had summoned the Xander of that realm instead of me. Boy was Crowley wrong. But he survived when his minions didn't."

"Can we use them to mark on doorways?" Horatio asked. "So they'd get hurt if they tried to walk in?"

"There's a way to do that," Lavelle told him. "It would take someone infusing the runes with a specific type of magic. I cannot do that." Horatio nodded once. "Mine, on a body, will react that way." Sam cleared his throat, mumbling something. "Yeah, blood magic because mine were carved in and someone else could mark themselves with ink via blessed tattoo." He grinned at him. "The book has every single one of mine." Sam sat up and grabbed the book to go over. Sam also moaned. Lavelle looked then grinned as he pulled back on his shirt. "I have a virus that'll turn that on. Your Xander thought it'd be mean if I gave it to some of your bad guys." He grinned sweetly. "Or the really uptight sorts."

Sam swallowed, glancing at their Xander's consort then back at him. "They'd hate that."

"You have to wear it out or you get kidnaped and used as a purr kitty." He grinned. "The one that they built it off of was a warrior trained at a war god's temple and in a few other methods. It turns him into a purring, happy, slutty Xander that likes to get massages and cook a lot to spoil others." Sam let out a deep moan. "I've got *plans* for some bad guys."

He winked and looked at the others again. "Those six books are the same things your Order of Hawks would've used. Plus another one that lists the usual structures of a hell plane. Because there's at least eighty of them attached to your worlds. And you can get explosives there. The other of us that fought his way out prefers that method to destroying them." He pulled out a few more books. "Those are more esoteric magical theory books that may help a hunter. It's mostly on protections and rune warding. I have no idea how your people do it but if it helps."

He shrugged. "Dumass suggested those as base level learning about runes." He looked at Dean then at that Xander. "The crafting that weapon thing? Ask the original GHS us. He's the best at forging things and has made swords and guns in the past. Then have him hand it to Lex and his cohorts to charm them. They're not idealistic and they've been hunting for so long the demons banished them from their realms to make themselves safer. Then a tiny Rosenburg wished that her Xander-shaped friend would have someone to protect him and sent Lex back to a regular world."

"Neither of the twins of us are as mean to each other as Lex was to his Xander," King Xander agreed.

Lavelle grinned. "They were split by magical artifact then the clause that the weaker dying would kill both had to be taken out. Though none of us are very weak."

Buffy raised a hand. "There's a place where you're twins?" she demanded.

"A mystical hammer split us. That's the whole reason for that artifact, to make people easier to kill." He shrugged but grimaced. "We actually got hit accidentally when they were aiming for our Buffy. And we had to deal with our girlfriend at the time, Anyanka, having a hissy about getting both of them in bed from what they've mentioned."

"We dated really bad girls there," King Xander quipped, shifting in his chair. "I've met her and helped undo some of her handiwork in the past."

"In those realms she lost her duty," Lavelle told him, patting him on the shoulder. "We dated her after that."

King Xander just nodded. "Good!"

Lavelle grinned at him. "Those ones, and a few others, nearly married her but left her at the altar because she would've been miserable." He smirked a tiny bit. "She got her powers back but we had warped her enough by dating her that she had a conscience. She lost her job again from it." Xander tensed up and moaned. "Yeah. We were that good." He grinned at the others, noticing the demon hiding in the corner. "Did I summon?" he guessed.

Anyanka appeared, not looking at him. "No, Prince. How?"

"We hold a yearly convention so we can talk to each other, Anyanka. I'm helping the one here with hunter information and answers to things they might need to make." She shivered. "After all, I'd hate to help evacuate this world onto mine." He held out a hand. "You can test me, dear." She touched his hand and a chime went off, making her shiver and flinch back, shaking her head. "Yeah. So...how are you?"

She blinked at him, looking at his face. "I...the me in your world was warped a lot before she was killed in that battle. I'll tell the others you're giving them information on how to hunt better. Happy life, Prince." She fled before she could be chained to someone for service.

The Xanders shared a look. "She was very good to me when we were dating. Didn't even try to kill me more than in bed." He shrugged and grinned at the others. "I got a lot better with how she used to complain a lot about only getting four orgasms a night."

Horatio blushed, blinking hard at him. "That's blunt."

"Yes she was." He grinned and patted Dean on the head. "Three main marks would be the most useful. One's a warning that demons are around." He pointed at it. "One's a map of mystical items in your area." He pointed at another one. "In case you're somewhere looking for another artifact. The other one that's the best and easiest is one to cause demons injury and pain. The others would require someone else putting them on you in the middle of at least slight torture." He let him see that one. "This one you can mark on yourself and it is in the right configuration for this realm as well. It's pretty universal."

Dean ran a finger over it, frowning but nodding. "If we can do it on our own that's always nicer than having to torture someone to mark them."

"They have to be infused with pain and blood for the most part. A quarter of the ones I carry I could've done to myself, but I didn't get that choice." He gave him a pointed look. Dean nodded at that. "So you and your brother restarting it to teach others how to hunt, how to research, how to protect, is a great thing to us." He handed over a letter. "From Hunter Xander about how the wandering hunters do things."

Dean grinned. "Thanks."

"I'd hate for the me here to be taken out by one of them. It's been close enough already and I'd hate to lose even one of us to the bad guys. I should be the baddest Xander there is." He stood up. "Also, the recipes? Yeah they should work here." He grinned at himself. "Remember, we have the letter slot if you need to send a note. Most of us answer within a day so don't leave it to the last minute but we are here to support each other. I won't even send the kids here. They'd freak out at the lack of cars and at more magic than they're used to."

"I heard about your kids," that Xander agreed, smiling back. "Very strong."

"And taking out bad guys from the dark, like I do." He shrugged. "I'm proud of my spawn." He winked at Sam. "Have fun and let me know if you need more help. I'm perpetually bored at home anyway." He waved a hand and activated his retrieval rune so he could get back to the convention realm.

Xander slumped down, looking at the books then grinning at Alan. "He once took out an army of demons under a city with a slayer because no one else was going to do it. He is one of the stronger of us overall because he survived and had kids. Himself. He used to wear a chaos artifact that let him change his gender and let him have two sets of twins and a single daughter." Buffy shuddered, shrinking down in her chair. "Him and the one that has the hormone problem the worst are all the strongest ones. That one keeps getting stolen by demons to be their concubines so he destroys things. A lot of things." He smirked at Horatio then at Alan. "Which is why I brought him back."

"I can see how it'd be helpful," he agreed, nodding. "Even though he is a bit tragic and like a bard's tale."

"He's usually a thief and assassin," King Xander quipped. "He just hits the bad sort."

"That's reasonable. Most would be taken down by their own sort before we did it," King Mac agreed quietly, looking at Horatio. "It would drive us nuts."

"Yes it would but I can see why he does so." He looked at the books. Dean and Sam came over to get into them, making notes on what they already knew. Sam was making notes for the others to bring home.

Another Xander appeared, this one putting his wand in his pocket. "I'm here to teach warding and runes for protection," he said smugly. "I'm Alexander Mikhail Dumass. Cursebreaker and all around book nerd."

Sam's head lifted and he stared at him. "How did you do that appearing thing?"

"Magic," he said with a grin. "We use more earth magic where I'm from and I can apparate to a lot of places easily enough. Just makes you dizzy the first few times. It does take some magical power, which you don't have much of, Sam." He nodded at that. Dumass smiled at one. "Castiel. I met the one of you in Hunter Xander's realm. He was very patient and sighed a lot over Dean doing things." He smiled at Dean. "Let's go over protection runes?"

"Can they be put on doors?" Horatio asked.

"Yes. I can do that and show others how to do that." He smiled and tipped his head at Abby. "I know the you in my realm, dear. You're married to my grandson."

"You have grandchildren at your age?" she asked, looking confused. "Why?"

"Because I'm actually closer to ninety than not," he said with a grin. "Someone deaged me."

She shuddered. "That's foul."

"Yup, so I got to grow up again from the age of five." They shared a grimace. "Totally sucks and I don't encourage it by any means." He waved her over. "You have enough magic to inscribe strong runes. Ones that would warn you of a demon showing up at the least."

"Can one of the ones that would harm them be done?" Mac asked.

"That might hurt ones that could have a legitimate purpose," Xander told him. "Like the succuba I have to help me with the poisoning stuff."

"Point, I hadn't thought of that," Mac admitted. "Could that sort be put on specific doorways that they shouldn't need to have access to?"

"Some. Lavelle's aren't the best choice for that. Though two could be done that way and I know of another three that'll work." Mac smiled, nodding slightly. "It's not a huge problem. I can do that easily and teach others how to lay them so I don't have to visit everyone." They all nodded at that. He got into the magic of runes and protections. It wasn't hard magic, just complex.

***

Lavelle reappeared in his own home and was stretching as he walked through the portal. The cord that held his hair up was yanked on and he turned to hit someone but it was Lupin. "Sorry. I had to help one of us who was being plagued by demons. That way they could up their hunters and what their hunters knew." He grinned. "Dumass is going to go over warding with them."

"That's fine. We got told we have to detaint you, Xander." He pointed. "Go that way. We're going to use a spare bathroom." Xander sighed but went that way rolling his eyes most of the way. "Strip."

Xander dropped everything and Marcus took off his illusion necklace that hid his scars. Xander let himself be put into the shower area and turned as they splashed him with holy water to detaint him. He did feel a bit better afterward but he still had evil ideas. He was sure his personal deities would find his little present in a few weeks or so. Their world didn't need evil twats. Von Doom being a GHS? Yup, that'd help that Xander a lot.

"Less evil," Lupin ordered. "We're bad guys but not that bad."

Xander grinned at him. "I used the shot to turn on GHS to infect a few super bad guys in Godly me's realm. It'll cause a lot fewer problems."

"Still too evil," Lupin complained. He crossed his arms over his chest, letting Marcus get back to detainting him. This was going to take a lot of work but they'd manage it sometime. Before the evil, slinky Xander was released on the world. Then they'd have to work against him. They'd all hate that.

Later that night, after his holy water shower, the obligatory pouncing to 'straighten him out' and a short nap, Lavelle snuck back to the convention realm and to a realm that had some interesting species. He and the imps he summoned gathered a herd of those goats into one of the special type of bags that Miami GHS Xander had. The whole herd was taken and redistributed around to various realms. Mostly to places where they'd do some good by biting people who needed it. Or at least people he thought needed to be bitten because they were assholes to the him in that realm.

What a lovely way to wake up.

He snuck home and went back to bed like he had just spent time in the bathroom. Lupin hadn't woken up and neither had Jigen. He could hear the statue of Janus giggling hard but that was fine too. Even if he was giggling about the Nick Fury in their realm not being part of SHIELD and being a pretty effective but asshole ICPO officer that hated them. Too bad he had probably been bitten too.

The End!
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