Coming Out of the Closets. by Voracity2

Coming Out of the Closets.

[Reviews - 1] Author Profile: Voracity2 Printer

Chapter or Story
Table of Contents

- Text Size +

It was late 2008, about a month after the election, and there was a watcher meeting in New York. Unfortunately. Xander was out getting dinner to get away from the stuffiness, hating him committee before he said something mean about them being all but ghosts. It was a mutual dislike society within the Council some weeks.

So he was out and about, looking at the too-fancy, radically weird restaurants in the Village. Of course, he was him so there were problems. He ran into a few gangs having an argument and stared at one until they sneered at him. "Guys, you're blocking the sidewalk. Do I have to pull artillery to get past you?" They got out of the way at that.

Xander did look a bit...wild thanks to having not gotten a haircut in months. He did look pretty rough actually. He walked past them shaking his head with a sigh. "Thanks." He ran into one of the local slayers, getting a squealed hug from her. "Hey. Out for dinner before I start a ghost banishing charm at the other watchers. On patrol?"

"Looking out for you. The other Watchers were worried you'd do something huge that would get attention on them again."

"The last time I saved the western coast of Africa. Did they want me to let them all die?"

"No. But they wanted to stay in the shadows."

"Then they probably should've blocked the cameras somehow in LA. And not let Willow go to Newsweek." She giggled, walking with him to one of the places she liked. He grinned at the idea of regular deli sandwiches, giving her a hug before going in to order dinner then coming out to walk around some more as he ate. He ran into another problem and groaned.

"Shit," he muttered. He ate the last few bites as he hurried over to stop the beating of the peaceful demon. His axe came off the pendant that charmed it tiny and he hit the human doing it in the back of the head with the flat side of it to get him off him before stepping between them. "Why are you beating up on a peaceful being?" he demanded coolly.

The other guys there started to say something so Xander glared. "Shut up, I recognize the racist patch on one of your jackets. You're all bigoted asses. So get out of my face before I have to cure that for you so God can tell you how to be a good human." They fled. He stared at the guy who had been in the lead. "Well?"

"He's not human!" he said with a point.

"So? He's peaceful, unlike you!" The guy glared. Xander stared back. "I don't give a god fucking damn if you don't like the peaceful community but I won't stand for people picking on them for looking funny. If you don't like it, go back to wherever your family came from originally.

"They're probably missing their idiots." The man took a swing and Xander blocked it and hit him with the axe again, knocking him back. "Dude, I fight for a living. Do you *really* wanna try that? Not like the peaceful community isn't known about."

The slayer ran over. "Xander, no, he's a hero sort."

"So?" he snorted. "Doesn't seem to be much of one if he attacks someone for being funny looking." He stared at the guy. "Back the hell down."

"I was protecting the humans that he was attacking!"

"He was defending himself. They have no special defensive or offensive abilities, including the inability to throw a punch because their bones are fragile. Check him, Daphne."

"I can do that." She moved around him. "Hey," she said with a slight smile. "I'm Slayer Daphne. Are you okay? I know there's a healer's near here if you need to go see them. I looked that up before coming in for the meeting."

"No, I was on my way home to get something for my wife so we can leave the healer's." He sat up with her help. "Thank you, Slayer."

"It's not a problem. I'm one of Boston's slayers usually but I'm in for the meeting." She grinned. "C'mon, I'll make sure you get to the healers."

"I need to go home to get the debit card."

"Go with him," Xander ordered. "Just in case, Daphne."

"I can do that." She helped him up, helping him limp off. "C'mon, I can even drive." She grinned. "I'm one of the few slayers that can drive." He nodded, letting her help him to his home then back to the healers, where she told the panicking wife what had happened.

Xander stared at the hero. "You're clearly out of time or something, dude. Everyone knew about the peaceful community. And they do tend to stay peaceful if they can. Why didn't you?"

"No one told me that!" He ran a hand through his hair. "I saw a weird guy attacking humans. That's all."

"Then I'd go ask why you didn't get told that." He looked around him at the suit wearing person rushing his way. "Oh, hey, it's an agent. So apparently your handler is here."

"SHIELD, Mr. Harris. Please leave Captain Rogers alone?"

Xander looked at him then at the hero. "Really?" He nodded slowly and carefully. "Huh. Knew you were an uptight prick from those videos they gave us at each detention. I stopped him and some humans beating up on a peaceful community member," he told the agent.

"Oh, dear. All right. Captain, do you need medical?"

"My head hurts a bit." Xander smirked as he put his axe back on the pendant then walked off. "I..." He looked at the agent. "Peaceful community? Slayers? What is that about?"

"You should have been told that, Captain. Let me take you back to the building to see why you weren't." He led him off telling him about how a lot of things had gotten uncovered.

"EXCUSE ME?" he demanded. "HYDRA's still around?"

"Not as much as they had been. And one of the demons outed them and the demonic community, peaceful and not, and the magical community. It's been a long year for most of us." He got him into the car to take him back so he could look that stuff up. He went up to Maria Hill's desk. "Ma'am, no one told Captain Rogers about anything that got outed?" he asked. "He ran into Mr. Harris protecting a peaceful community member against him."

She winced. "Rogers alive?"

"Yes, ma'am. Harris hit him with his axe but didn't try to cut him apparently."

"That was very nice of Harris. Find out why."

"There's a watcher and slayer meeting in town tonight."

"Charming." She stared at him. "You're getting him up to date?"

"Yes. He's still having a fit at HYDRA, ma'am."

"So do I. We'll gather up things to brief him about later."

He nodded and left to tell him that. Captain Rogers was learning how to internet things so he turned on safe search for him. "So you don't get anything too adult. Sometimes porn people use the most common keywords to drive people to their sites." He got him to a search engine and let him look things up. "There, Captain. They'll brief you about that tomorrow according to Agent Hill."

"Thank him for me."

"Her, sir. Maria Hill is the second-in-command for SHIELD and she's an icy bitch when she has to be," he said more quietly. "Get on her good side." He left him to research.

Steve shook his head. "Well. I'm sure Peggy could be too." He went back to searching out HYDRA while praying that his time in the ice hadn't led to another world war.

***

Xander came back to the hotel, nodding at Daphne since she was waiting on him. "He okay?"

"Yeah. I escorted him and his wife with her broken ankle back home too." She hugged his arm. "Was that really the guy on the detention films?"

"I guess. That's what the SHIELD agent said." He shrugged but hugged her. "C'mon, let's go hear the bitching they're doing."

"They mostly turned in for the night. They were going to have a field people meeting but all of you had disappeared in different directions for dinner."

He grinned. "I got tired of the semi-ghosts." He walked her up to their floor and checked back in with Giles, who smiled at him. "Deli. She found one for me."

"Thank you, Daphne. That's kind of you." She bounded off to har shared room. "A battle?" he asked.

"I defended a peaceful community demon?"

"You did what now?"

"A few bigots, Giles. I got one upside the head with my axe's side."

"Oh, I see. Charges?"

"No." He shook his head. "One was mistaken, SHIELD is correcting that."

"Excellent. The battle in Senegal?"

Xander shook his head slowly. "You wanted the whole western horn area of Africa to be dead?"

"No," he said patiently.

"Then hey, I won." He grinned. "I did it in a wacky way since I didn't have *any* backup but I did win. That princess now owes me a life debt since I spared her life so she could take the throne and call off the invasion. She had come over when I had taken out her brother and mom. She took the crown off her mother's head, declared her rule, and it stopped everyone to stare at her. She ordered them stopped, thanked me, said I was owed a life debt for that, and took them all home."

Giles blinked a few times. "What did you use before then, Xander? I have no reports on that."

"Artillery I stole?" He grinned. "I stole it from Mali's military people. And hell no I didn't write a report. If it's not on the news I don't tell anyone. It's easier on everyone to ignore such things, Giles. They all agreed about that." He went to his own room while the older man groaned. Willow leaned out of a room as he was getting his door open. "What?"

"You used artillery?"

He stared at her. "We've had six invasion attempts and a few other bigger problems, including three ascending ones. Did you think I used my axe on all of them?" he quipped then went into his room and shut the door, making sure she couldn't get through it. His usual protections were handy to keep out spirits, demons, witches, and anyone human. Though he did turn off the explosive to blow up the ones trying to break in. He shouldn't need that in a swanky hotel in New York City.

***

Giles looked at his field people the next day. "There are higher ups who want reports on every single battle."

"Down to what level? Like if we stake a vampire?" the one in Asia asked. "There's a ton in Seoul right now, Rupert."

"No, they don't need that. Bigger things they want to hear about. Agencies and militaries all over the world have asked."

"None of the ones in Africa. They carefully conceal all those so people don't panic," Xander said dryly, leaning back. "Their news people don't hear unless it's too big to hide. Northern Africa all agreed they don't want to know. It may be passed from the units that deal with it to the other units that deal with it for training things, but they don't let those out.

"Lower and Middle Africa feel about the same but some of the smaller rebel groups want to release some of it to make the ones they're fighting against look bad." He looked at the guy from Central America. "Yours? Are they admitting to things?"

"Feel the same way. They let one out because it was too big to hide. It ate a radio station that was broadcasting. So instead we had a slight case of Inquisition," he said in his Austrian accent. "I had twenty-three priests trying to get into my face about all this mess."

"I had one," Xander quipped. "I threatened to burn him at the stake for being a heretic to his chosen faith because he wasn't following the book." He beamed at him. "He ran crying to Mommy when I pulled out the holy water and it burned him."

"Why?" Giles asked. "Was he possessed?"

"No, I got it from Marantha's special spring. It's so holy it burns anyone but newborns." Giles shuddered. He grinned. "True, absolute holy water, yes. The other ministers with him saw that it was holy water. Tested it and one did get a bit singed. He went to pray too so he was right with God."

Giles nodded once. "How did you find a Hindu deity's special spring?"

"She's got a temple. She moved in with her sister for a bit when the Moguls invaded India and then married one of the native healers down there. He's a jackass about everything human but he will not deny a demon his healing skills even if they're evil. Healers Emmy and Elmira are part of his people. I lend them energy now and then to heal the damage that their healing skills took from them."

Giles nodded. "That's kind of you, Xander. Do you run into much strife?"

"I haven't ran into him yet," he quipped with a grin. "But a chaos deity of Brunei was visiting D'Nar's temple the last time I was there. He patted me on the head with a smile when I apologized for barging in to interrupt because I had one of her priests bleeding in the truck. He stopped a gazelle the hard way, with a horn to the thigh."

"That's nice of them." He sighed, looking at the others. "They would still like a general idea."

"Talk to General Kalani in Mali," Xander quipped. "He heads the training group for all the regional militaries for demon things."

"I can tell them that." He made that note and the others named their people in charge of coverups. He looked at them. "Do any of the rest of you have stories like Xander's?"

"He's got a lot of open area that's not been colonized or destroyed," the one in Asia said. "We don't." He looked at Xander. "Peaceful deities?"

"Most of the time. I saw D'Nar having a fit on her boyfriend once though." He grinned. "I adore that goddess most of the time. The one time she woke me up after two hours of sleep after a week of battles....that day not totally but usually I adore that woman. She has sense. She gave my baby slayers the birth control and big girl talks." Giles stared at him. "Not like I know how to use period protection devices!"

"Point I suppose," he sighed. He made that note. "Someone was worried you were conspiring too often."

"Nort's temple chef makes the *best* veggie soup. I can't even tell it's veggies. I usually stop to buy myself some and some for the girl I'm going to work with as I drive past."

Giles nodded. "It's reasonable you treat them nicely and like every other being?"

"Yes. Though I try to have manners."

"That's pleasant of you. Thank you, Xander." He looked at the others.

"Half of ours got removed by the colonizers," the one in Central America said dryly. "If they're there, they're among the normals."

Xander nodded. "That one coven in Gabon is sweetly full of high priestesses who nag," he noted. "They're very earth mother sort. I suggested to one that she write Willow about the differences in their versions."

"She has the Devon coven, Xander."

"These ones have been a coven for over a millennia, Giles. She could use the other methods being shown to her so she can learn more *subtle* methods. Instead of shaking the earth when she showed up to talk to the sobbing mini who had just lost her cat."

Giles slumped but nodded. "They may be good for her to learn from then. Who do they belong to?"

"There's seven high priestesses of mostly nature Goddesses." He smiled a tiny bit. "And one love Goddess."

"Ah. Yes, she could probably learn a lot from them with herbology."

"Oooh!" Xander said, sitting up. "They teach that shit at the magical school! There's one in Chad. They teach herbology there. One of them said they were writing to the teacher there about her abysmal ideas of how certain plants were taken care of, they had mistreated one of her Goddess' special plants."

Giles blinked. "That's good to know. Is that school secure?"

"Yeah. It's got a redirect. Even if you're looking for it. I tried to get a message there and couldn't so had to send it via a military guy. No white guys near there."

"Well. Very protective then."

"We also have a few closed realm sort of areas," the watcher in Europe noted. "Totally closed off magically to be a safe hole to hide in. One has a small school of magic. The rest are mostly commune sort of places from what I found out."

Giles nodded, making that note. "Good." He looked at the others, who all shrugged. "I'd rather we make peace with the magical communities too, people. We could probably use their help at times and they may need ours."

"The ones helping with the old building were fun guys," Xander quipped. "The bank's tomb team and the others were nice enough guys while we cleaned up the old wreck with Clorisma's help. They had no idea about the coven either."

"Charming," Giles agreed with another note made. "I'll talk to the coven later."

"Talk about the hoochie stuff please?" the one in Asia asked dryly. "Some of the girls look like they're clubbing for daily life."

Xander looked at him. "They get it from Buffy's part of the imprint." Giles swatted him. "Not my fault you didn't stop the backless shirt problem she had."

Giles rolled his eyes. "It's entirely possible we'll be giving the girls ideas about clothing restrictions."

Xander grinned. "I had one doing that and tossed her into some mud. She screamed but oh well, she was now more covered before someone said something. The older ladies all giggled that she was corrected that way when she stomped off to shower and change."

"You are harsh on that," Giles sighed.

Xander nodded. "Yeah! I've got some girls in areas that you can be killed for wearing the hoochie shit some of the Asia slayers do." He looked at him. "Boybands?"

"Do *not* remind me, Harris," he said dryly, then shuddered. "We've had one turned." Xander grinned. "They're pretty for eternity now and want freedom from their contracts to go find a regular life again." He looked at Giles. "Very restrictive and bad contracts on their lives."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he said dryly. "The girls do not try to share their musical tastes with me. Thankfully."

"I introduced some of the Native American drum songs to some of ours," Xander offered. "They set up a sharing system over the internet so those ones could talk to the African ones."

"That's sweet of them." He looked around. The others looked a bit confused. "How many of you have young future slayers?" A few raised their hands. "Ah. Well, he has more."

"I have sixteen under legal age," Xander quipped. The guy from Asia shuddered. "Yeah. Yours?"

"Three under puberty, four after but below legal age so training." He looked at Xander, who grinned. "The girls do talk on that bulletin board Andrew set up."

"It's been good for them," Xander agreed with a nod. "Thank him for us, Giles."

"I shall. What sort of things do you need to do your job to protect the girls?"

"Sense. We all need sense," Xander told him. "Because if we had any we'd be nowhere near a battle." The others laughed but nodded. "Other than that, I just need a paycheck raise. Bribes are expensive. So is living in a hotel."

Giles sighed again, staring at him. "You've needed sense for years, Xander. That does not surprise me. As for the paycheck, you make what the other first year people do."

"I've been doing this for years now," he pointed out. "I'm not a first year guy. I'm also not in a stable location so can't just pay the house payment. Hotels and motels are expensive and I can only camp so often from the truck."

Giles grimaced. "I'll look into that." He made that note as well. He looked at the guy from Asia, who shrugged. "Yours? You were hired on the same year."

"I came in the next year, Giles, and I get my three-grand a month but I do less traveling with the girls."

Xander frowned at him then at Giles. "I barely make a grand."

"Asia is more expensive," the guy from South America said.

Xander stared at him. "I doubt it. Living in an apartment, yes. Living on the run like I do, doubt it. Plus I get charged extra for being a watcher and for being a white guy." He pulled up his expense sheet for the last month, showing it to them.

The one from Asia shook his head. "I don't pay for half of that. The Council does for my rooms and the like, lad." He looked at Giles. Everyone looked at Giles.

"I'm not directly over that but I'm going to look into that."

Xander grinned. "I could decide to move back to the US. Take over a city's house." Giles' eyes went wide so Xander grinned harder. "It's an option and probably cheaper. And hey, a few people want to declare me psychotic because of the past possessions. Someone in England tried to get me to talk about them so she could put me on the appropriate meds."

Giles shook his head with a sigh. "It's not multiple personalities."

"I can manifest them. I let the hyena come out to sniff her to prove it. She was not happy. Or amused. In fact she locked herself in a closet in the restaurant she showed up to nag me at. We went back to having a steak pie."

Giles sighed but nodded, hanging his head. "I'll work on that as well, Xander."

"Thanks, Giles. You might ask the redheaded disaster what her parents are doing helping them too." He smiled a most politician smile. "That'd be appreciated. I'm crazy because of the things I do, not because I got possessed."

"True, you could be considered fairly nuts to be in battles that way." He cleared his throat, looking around. "I know we need more field watchers." Everyone nodded. "I'm working on upping that cadre of people."

"If you send me another genocidal asshole I'm handing him to Xander," the watcher from Asia complained. "Let him play with him."

Xander blew a kiss. "I'd just feed him to something like the carnivorous waterfall."

"The fish in the waterfall?"

"No. The water's actually eating people. It gets clearer and softer when it's eaten someone." He pulled up his notes on that so he could read them over. "Native stories so I went to check. Sure enough, I fed it a dead bird and it got happy. Even the tone of the water falling changed." He let them run that video.

"How on earth?" Giles demanded. Xander shrugged. "Was it blessed perhaps?"

"The native's story said that at one time it had been a guy who was a glutton during the dry and arid season so they had turned him into water to help support the villagers he was eating out of house and home."

Giles moaned, sitting down. "Are there others of that sort?" The one in Australia grinned madly and nodded. "Oh, dear."

Xander looked at him. "One of ours down there wanted to tell his sister in yours hi and see if she'd write a letter. He hasn't heard from her in ages."

"Drea?"

"No. No, other Goddess living in the badlands he said. She was studying the plants." He let him see the notes he had made on that request. "Her."

"Oh, her. I've heard but have no idea. I'll see if she's around." He looked at Xander. "You made good with many natives."

"It's their land and peoples. I'm just there to help them protect it while training the girls to take my place when I die of it."

"Good point." He made himself some notes for later on. He'd call home later to see if his house could find her and ask her to write her brother.

Giles looked at Xander. "Are they wanting a meeting like this?"

"No." He grinned. "They can already do that. They have dinners and teas and all sorts of things. I ended up serving at a tea thingy once because I was healing in the temple and offered to volunteer so her healers could nag someone else."

Giles smiled. "That's very sweet of you, Xander." He looked at the others.

The watcher in Europe shrugged. "I'm fairly certain we ran them all underground."

"There's a few teaching at colleges," Giles said dryly.

"I've heard. Was horrified, then decided they're probably not getting sacrificial victims. Not enough virgins."

"Ya know, most of them don't want virgins," the guy from Asia quipped with a smile for him. "Believers, followers, but not virgins. The ones I've talked to I asked about that belief and they said it's considered tacky these days. Before it was to make sure they didn't get all the diseases known to human copulation."

The watcher over Europe moaned and shook his head. "That figures." He looked at Xander. Who shrugged.

"If someone goes to them of their own free will, as long as they're an adult who made that choice themselves, what do I care? Not my temple. I did not take that wish granting being's offer to become a god." Giles stared at him. He pulled up a report to hand over. "He's back asleep. He's living in D'Nar's shoe closet."

Giles read it over and moaned so loudly it made the others flinch. "Oh, dear Janus, Xander!" He looked at him. "When did you become a follower of a chaos god?"

"The guy stopped me, Giles. Someone else had told him who I was and why I was down there but he stopped me, not the other way around. I've only found a few demon cities." He grinned at the Asia guy again, sliding his phone over to him. "For your dad."

He read it and whined but sent it to his father's email. "He'd thank you for that, Harris." He slid the phone back over. "I think we have one."

"Two," Xander corrected. "One's in use."

"Oh. Really? We have a fully demon city?"

Xander grinned and nodded. "Somewhere up around northern Pakistan from what I heard and saw in a book in Nort's temple library."

"Interesting." He made that note to his father as well. "Like the one in Turkey?" Xander nodded. "Very interesting." He hummed.

Giles sighed again, seeming to deflate. "Xander, can you please calm down?"

"I am calm." He grinned. "I'm in a good mood. I had a full night's sleep, I got breakfast that I didn't have to cook or eat raw fruit for, I'm having a happy day, Giles. Aren't you?"

"I was." He held out a hand. "All the other reports please." Xander copied them onto a spare SD card to hand over. "Thank you. The rest of you's notes please?" They handed over their backed up reports the same way. "Thank you. How many will I need to drink about?"

Xander winced. "Yeah, about that one. Not my idea, not my plan, not my doing. I got there late. I jumped in and got there late. That was alllll that general's fault, Giles. Do not even think about blaming me while you're drunk from reading about the naked evil women trying to take over a country over by Algeria and the guys trying very hard not to hurt them but to drive them off when you had to use something specific. Thankfully hellmouth taint worked as well," he quipped when everyone stared at him.

"Lad, put that up," the one from South America ordered. Xander sighed but did, including the video. They watched it and that guy whined. "Shit, they need baby's blood to be driven off and can't be killed." They saw Xander smarm them with hellmouth taint and them try to grab him but he fought them off by kissing a guy. The others did that and they fled from all the gay men. That watcher hit his head on the table to shake it. "Well, now we know."

"I was surprised the hellmouth taint I carry didn't drive them off," Xander admitted. "Usually it will with their class of beings."

Giles blinked at him. "It does?"

"Yeah. Found that out back in Sunnydale, Giles." He grinned. "Our second year together. They showed up at the Bronze. They fled from me, Willow joked it was my ugly shirt, and Buffy said it was because I was a guy. I looked them up the next day to make sure they weren't succuba."

"No, they're like ethereal versions of succuba," he admitted, sounding weak. "Did they flee the town?"

"Yeah. Angel found them his first year in LA. Drove them off by asking me to come smarm them with hellmouth taint. They had an eww fit, ran for Oregon."

Giles looked tired. Really so very tired. "Why did I not hear about that?"

"Why would we have told you? You didn't want me to do anything in those days."

"Point." He sighed again.

"We were taught they ate magic, but hated radiation," the guy from South America said. "I guess that counts from hellmouth taint." He looked at Xander. "Why do you have something with hellmouth taint with you?"

"Because for some reason I sucked up half the radiation of the hole, Morris." He moved an amulet, letting some out, which made Morris moan but nod at that. "We have no idea why. Or how. But I'm a damn battery of it. And I pick up some from each one I'm nearby. Which is why I don't go to Cleveland. Ever again if I can help it."

Giles stared at him. "We thought it was trying to hug you."

"It was, before it invaded my body."

"Oh, dear."

"Yeah!" He nodded with a grin. "A lot. It felt like it wanted to make me pregnant with its energy so I said no."

"Please continue to do so, lad." The guy from South America sipped his coffee with a sigh. "How many are in Africa?"

"Three. They're all very nice though. That's actually how I met that coven of high priestesses. The hellmouth they were celebrating on got happy I was nearby so they made sure I wasn't a threat to it. They're the ones that told me I'm carrying energy from all of the ones I've been within a hundred miles of."

Giles stared at him. "When was I going to be told?"

"Never. Because some of the ghosts that live in your library want to sacrifice me and that'd give them a great reason. I'd hate to make you hire more people, Giles."

"True." He made a note to research that later. "Is the amulet new?"

"Oxnard. I had radiation sickness. The same as I did when Sunnydale fell in."

"Blast," he muttered, making another note. "We didn't even think about that being a permanent problem, Xander."

He grinned. "It's handy sometimes. I used it by accident to bless a community wedding to fertility. Which is when I seriously started to learn the meditations behind magic."

Giles nodded. "That's not a bad idea, Xander." He smirked. "I'll send you a few books?" Xander shrugged but nodded. "Good." He made that note and circled it. He looked at the others.

"No, Rupert, he's in a class all by himself. We're all sane," the one from Europe noted dryly.

"You hope," Xander quipped. "Bouncy pre-slayers can do it to everyone. Including themselves. I have one I *swear* is turning into Dru. Which is why I asked Nort to take a look at her for taint. By the way, she's in Angola. Has a new family of pretty ones to dance with." Giles gave him the hairy eyeball look. Xander shrugged. "I noted her when I asked God Nort to look at Mimi. He told me where she is."

Giles hung his head and shook it. "Oh, dear," he sighed. "We'll have to tell Buffy." He gave Xander a grin.

"I emailed. Got one back swearing at me but oh well!" He smiled. "I'm not going near there in case she still likes me."

"Good idea. She could turn you and then we'd all die from it."

"I'd never turn you, Giles. I'd want girls like Katya and Sherill." He smirked. "We'd be a high end, excellent hunting but discriminate group."

"Please quit," the one from Australia begged. "I like Katya."

"I adore Katya. She gets my jokes." He grinned.

Giles nodded. "I can see why he'd turn her instead of Faith." He made himself a note to watch out for that turning just in case Xander did get turned. He looked at the others. "Do you all have plans just in case?"

"I'd meet the sun," the one in Europe said. Xander wiggled. "There's ones that won't work on?" he demanded.

"Six species!" he said happily with a smile and nod. "Seven if you count the mythical one!"

"Fuck!" he said loudly.

Xander pulled up his notes for the others to go over. "On what I've run into."

The one from Asia had a few of his own to add to that but it was good the others got to hear about them. Just in case ya know.

Giles took his own notes to pass along to the library team. They hadn't wanted to be at this meeting.

***

Xander came out of the hotel with his bag on his shoulder, staring at the man in his way. "Jacques." He nodded politely and moved around him.

The guy caught his arm. "What are you doing over here, Harris?" he asked smugly.

"Watcher meeting." He got his arm free by prying the fingers off his arm. "What're you doing here since I doubt you should really be seen so many places with cameras. Not like you're not wanted in four countries at least."

The guy looked smug. "We decided to track you to see what you're doing."

"I had a watcher meeting with the other watchers and some of the senior slayers." He shrugged. "It's part of the job." He nodded at the officer walking his way. "Anything else? I have a flight later tonight. I have enough time to get lunch first."

"I think we'll talk."

"I don't think so. I turned your ideas down the last two times we met."

"Problems?" the officer demanded.

Xander looked at him. "This one is wanted in four countries for things like selling biological weapons, Officer."

"A likely story," he snorted.

Xander looked at him. "Oh, you're Paulie's minion guy." He punched him then Jacques. "Well, that's nicer." He walked back inside. "Hi, I just punched a guy who sells biological weapons in Africa on the doorstep and the minion dressed as an officer."

The receptionist called their security team, who called the cops and kept him there. Xander looked at the watchers coming out, getting glared at. "What?" he demanded. "The guy sells biological weapons. Did you want me to leave him alone when he came after me?"

"We don't know him," a few said.

Buffy came out next. "Bullshit. Stop lying. Xander?"

"Bioweapons guy," he said with a point. "Minion to an arms dealer that does rockets." The officers winced. "I'm the training guy over the slayers in Africa, people. I do know some arms dealers. That one's boss is going to get my foot up his ass if I can manage it." He scowled at him.

"I'm telling Junior on you." The guy flinched then laughed. "Oh, great, you and Paulie probably already killed him then." He looked at Buffy. Who was shaking her head. "I was going to introduce you to Paulie. He's dirty and nasty but not to his girlfriend. And he could use a new girlfriend."

"Um, not into traveling to Africa and an arms dealer isn't really in my usual group to date, Xander."

"He's a demon hunter too."

"Oh, that's nice. Sure, introduce us."

"Okay. If he survives this. Because he was going after Kurt and that guy's psychotic." He shook his head quickly. "Guys, can I do my statement now? I have to get lunch before I hit my flight back tonight at eight."

"If you get to go back," one of the officers said dryly. "I doubt it, sir. We only have your word." He looked at the agents that had just pulled up. "Oh, them," he said with a grimace.

Xander looked. "They're not agents, guys. That's not federal plates on that SUV." He pushed Buffy back inside, making her guard the others. "Kurt," he said with a nod and a grin. "You're okay?"

"I'm fine, Xander. What is going on?" He looked so amused at the guys on the ground.

"Jacques decided he wanted my attention, has Paulie's minion guy, so I punched them," he said with a hand wave. "What're you doing pretending to be an agent?"

"I am an Agent, Harris." He smirked. "MI-5."

"This is America, Brit intelligence doesn't have sway here," he said dryly. "I found that out when I was in England and ran into your brother again."

"Yes, I wanted to talk to you about how you broke his heart."

"I didn't do anything to him! All I did was say no because he's even more mentally bent than you are."

"You say the sweetest things. I'm sure you'll scream them when I torture you. Boys, he's mine. Watch out for weapons."

"I am like that." He kicked two then hit Kurt, knocking him down. Buffy came out to get a few for him but he shoved her. "They're dirty as fuck, Buffy. Go. Now." She nodded, going back inside to finish the evacuation. Xander heard a whine and looked then kicked the grenade out of the guy's hand and into the street, watching it go off to blow up one of the cop cars.

"Yeah, not into that either." He punched him. Then he pulled a sword and went after them. They all went down with cuts. The officers standing there were not happy but they were safe, mostly. One tried to jump Xander and got backhanded with his sword hand. Xander panted, staring at the group on the ground. "Next?" he demanded. Kurt shuddered so Xander looked at the demon. "You using them to track me?"

"No, Harris. We wanted to talk to some of the slayers. I've heard you admire a few for their strength."

Buffy leaned out to look at him. "Nope. Sorry. I don't know you and my girls aren't allowed to talk to hell lords without me there."

"I can undo your resurrection, Miss Summers."

She shrugged. "So I get to go hug my mom again? Yay. Died two times since then. You're behind on the news." She grinned. "Have a great day somewhere not in this nice, pretty, dirty city."

Xander wiped his blade clean with his overshirt, staring at the demon. "Let's talk, shall we?" Buffy shuddered at that sound. The demon smirked and produced some arm blades. Xander went after him and killed him but got injured. At the end he was barely standing but the demon was dead. "Fuck you and have a great afterlife," he sneered. "I hope it's *fun* for someone else." He wiped his sword down again and couldn't put it back. "Okay, can't bend that way. Buffy, come put my sword up?"

"She's been evacuated," one of the officers said.

"It goes next to my axe please." The guy put it on the necklace so it shrank. "Thanks." He shifted. Then sighed and winced, holding his arm. "Muscle cramps on top of needing stitches. This is going to take my lunch break," he muttered, walking off. No one tried to stop him. Even the actual agent who was showing up. "ER is where, dude?"

"SHIELD has a medical bay, Mr. Harris," Coulson offered.

"I don't trust your people. Especially with the one you sent me who's not all together good. I think I'll take my planned lunch time to get some stitches then hit the plane. Thanks though." He limped off muttering about his slowness. He should have hurt Kurt immediately when he recognized him. It would've saved him some injuries. Next time he'd do that.

The three dirty officers, who were in the employ and minions of Kurt, looked at each other then at their boss. Who was moaning in pleasure. The two actual officers were calling in for help. Coulson came over to be that help, arresting the dirty officers too. "They're in the employ of this psychotic mess that deals weapons," he told them calmly.

"I'm SHIELD. We can take custody, boys." They glared but oh well. FBI agents showed up and so did a few more SUV's of SHIELD agents. They got happy to arrest the bad guys. One bad one got missed but the local sergeant showed up and asked who that one was so they took him too. Coulson cleared up the mess with everyone and they all went to have a drink and make sure Harris made it back to Africa.

***

The agency heads met that night to talk about that incident. "How did a notorious arms dealer get into the US without notice?" Nick Fury demanded. "Much less three of them!"

The head of Customs shrugged. "They didn't come through us. I checked back, they did not land anywhere in the US, Director Fury."

Nick Fury stared at him. "Did they take a boat?"

"We'd have met the boat. We don't know which border they crossed from. Honestly, we can't track them at all. Could it have been that magic stuff?"

"No. They have landing spots," the outgoing President Bush said dryly. "I asked, they did not have magic and that demon could not have traveled that way. He had to be invisible, which was a known power of his, but can't teleport. So what happened and who was that guy?"

"That is Xander Harris, the watcher in Africa," Nick Fury said smugly. "The one that Wells called Batman."

"I can see why. Why use a sword?"

"Probably what he had on him?" Fury guessed.

"Could be I guess. Why was he up here?"

"Watchers Council meeting with the higher levels and senior slayers," the head of the ATF noted. "Our person in their armory was up for that as well. He did not like what Harris had to steal to use, we don't like them having artillery at all, but we realize that some things are too big and the girls don't like guns."

Fury nodded at that. "I leant a few trainers and they did not like guns at all. They learned them just in case but they pet artillery and hate guns. One of mine has film of a tiny slayer, about four, calling it her kitty cats as she petted a modular missile system."

"That's gotta be cute," Bush said dryly with a smile. "How did your people know to show up, Fury?"

"Coulson's apparently psychic. He was out for lunch. Heading to pick up Hill's lunch order from a little bistro she likes that's a few blocks past that."

"Aww, that's nice of him," Bush said. He looked at the others, who all shook their heads. "Okay. How do we make sure it can't happen again?"

"We arrest them when we find them," the head of the FBI noted. "I don't even have files on two of them because they're international only, sir."

"Fix that tonight." He looked at Fury, who shrugged. "Any ideas?"

"They hate that Harris took out a camp full of their buyers to get their weapons and handed one back to Stark; that meant he stopped the leak Stane was doing at SI."

"Well, shit," President Bush said dryly. "But good that he stopped it. How did he stop it?"

"He found tech that was Stark's stuff and sent the one he didn't use back."

"Oh, that incident. Okay." He nodded once. "That the only reason?"

"Harris said one tried to date him and he turned him down so Kurt, as he called him, was mad on his brother's behalf," the head of the FBI said. "We asked him when he was getting stitches. Then made sure he got to the airport."

"Thanks," Bush said. "He okay now?"

"Still sore. It's going to be weeks before he's not sore," Fury said. "By his injuries, he probably needed a good hundred stitches."

"Eighty-four but he did a few while he waited," the head of the FBI said dryly. "Who does that?"

"Kids who've had to do their own at home," Fury said dryly. "I have a number of agents who'd do that. I'm doing a DNA test to make sure the kid isn't a Barton." The president snickered quietly. "And he agreed with me." He looked around. "Did we ask him about his contacts and others he knew?"

"Yes, he said he went to them when it was desperate or got some off some poker circuit somehow. The militaries down there aren't weaponed up like the US military is. How do the ones in Central or South America get them?"

"Probably the same poker circuit," Fury said. "I've heard about kitten poker."

The president winced. "That's gross sounding. Don't tell me more unless you have to, Nick." He looked at the others. "So what do we do now?" They all grimaced and went over files to share with the other agencies.

***

Xander woke up somewhere strange. He was in a hospital. Someone in the hall was sounding German. He blinked, looking down at himself. He was all there. He felt like shit and like he had some broken things. He sighed, turning his head to the side and finding a general. "Did I pass out?"

"No, you did the bravely stupid thing, Harris," he said quietly. "We were losing so you last ditched it after telling my men to run from the field."

"Oh, that. Was that the last thing I did?" The general nodded. "Huh. I must've dreamed that sword battle then. Then again it was one of the mystical swords we found in England," he muttered. He blinked a few times. "Did we win?"

"We had to regroup and go back after you blew up the field and part of the nearby village but they were weakened greatly and we won after another two days of fighting." Xander winced. "The villagers were evacuated, all but a few goats and a dog or something." Xander sighed but nodded once then winced again from the pain. "We need to figure out how to know when you're going to do that."

"If I have to do that again, I think I'll die from it. I have no idea how I survived this time."

"You glowed. A lot."

"Oh, magical protections. Cool I guess. Maybe that's why I feel like shit, all the hellmouth taint I carry." He looked at himself then at the general. "But we did win?"

"Eventually. They were nearly taken out by that bomb and the portal was ended so we just had the remaining ones on this plane." He patted the hand on the sheet. "You're getting to go home for a few months."

"Um, nope. I can't be in Cleveland. That hellmouth will try to make me pregnant with its energy." The general looked so confused. "Like the one in Malta did that you saw the tape of? Like that only it'll be stronger because Cleveland's the most open one. I'll call Giles in a few minutes to see where I'm healing. Maybe I can hide my truck with me."

"It's back in the carrying case, kid." He went to tell the others. They called Mr. Giles, who agreed it wasn't safe to have Harris in Cleveland. He arranged for him to go to a spa area for healing, one that had dealt with injuries. At least until they heard it was for Xander and then they canceled it and said he was welcome there but it was too dangerous for him.

A few of his wanting society were there and would kidnap and torture him some more; they didn't want to be held responsible for that. Giles called Nick Fury to see where he recommended and had the kid sent to near LA. It was safe enough there and he could hide for a bit. Or handle things if they came up. Though they wanted a report. Giles put him on with that other general about that so they both got a report.

***

Nick Fury hung up on the conference and threw his phone at the window, breaking it. "Mother FUCKER!" he shouted.

The people in the next area all looked that way then hurried off to do something safer.

"Someone hack Mali's system so we can get tape of what the fuck happened there!"

"Seeing if we already have it," Maria Hill called, typing that. That team did not but easily found it and copied it for them. She brought the memory card in and set it up so he could see it. "Oh, dear." She watched too, wincing at the sacrifice play and Harris being severely injured but the rest handling the rest of the emergency. "Was that nuclear?"

"No," Fury said. "Barely." He huffed. "All right. All assets are to see this tonight. I want to know what the fuck we could have done to stop that."

"Brief all the presidents, sir?"

"Yes!" He waved a hand. "And get me some advil." She opened the drawer that held that bottle before going to call the others and pass on that battle's film.

Nick Fury took three and went to finish his seething fit. This was not good! His world didn't need destroyed by demon battle. Or magical battles since that was partially that too. Even those wand using sorts had tried to help.

***

Maria Hill was let into the conference room, letting the guards in there put the video up. "Earlier this week, Sirs. Near the Benin border." She let it run.

The MaCUSA president waved a hand so she paused it. "Why did I need to know, and which agent are you?"

"Senior Agent Maria Hill, Second-in-Command at SHIELD, sir, and some of your people were there." She let it run. She saw the upset and disgusted looks. She let it run through then looked at them. "By their reports they took an extra three days to clean up the massing ones that didn't get taken out by the bomb but they did manage it. We're assuming they're going to have a regional meeting about how to handle that."

"No slayers?"

"Yes, that brunette young woman in the shorts was one of the slayers. They've already held the remembrance for her." That got a nod. "The one that set off the bomb is Harris. He's alive. He's injured, going to be off-duty to recover by LA because having him in Cleveland is problematic."

"The girls won't let him rest?" Obama asked.

"No, the hellmouth considers him something to cuddle and infect with more energy. Which may be why he glowed that way. Either that or a protection spell we believe. He'll easily survive this but he's probably not going to enjoy it for the next few weeks."

President Bush nodded once. "Think they're going to hold a summit to talk about how to handle those things?"

"Mali's in charge of training troops to handle that specific sort of problem for the whole of Upper Africa, sir. I'm pretty sure they are. Some of theirs were there as well."

"Okay. So that was bad," Obama said. "What help can we give?"

"They may be asking about weapons. I would," she admitted. "Also about how to block those sort of portals in the future," she told MaCUSA president and the one coming to office in a few months.

"I have no idea if we can," the new one admitted. "I can certainly ask and talk to the schools down there if I find anything out."

"There's one we know of in Chad," she admitted.

He smiled. "Yes, I've heard. They have a fantastic herbology program with native plants and restoring lost species." He shifted to look at the other guy. Then at her. "Who is Harris?"

"The watcher in charge of the trainee slayers in Africa," Bush told him. "He works with the militaries down there to cover stuff up all the time so we don't all freak out if we hear. Most countries do if they can. We only hear about ones that make it onto the news. Is this one going there?"

"It was cited as a rebel action," Maria Hill said.

"That's a nice cover up then," Bush said with a nod. "What do we need to do about this, Agent Hill?"

"Right now, they're probably wanting some help to restock and some help to figure out how to stop it, sir. Director Fury made sure you'd see it before you hear about it somewhere else. Mr. Harris is not exactly hidden but only the demonic communities really track him. Or can find him at all sometimes. His own people often don't know where he's working.

"Sometimes on purpose." She smiled a bit. "The oldline watchers were more bookish sorts. Research geeks and those who told the slayers how to handle something. Very few field people and they all had trainees. Which they no longer do."

Bush nodded. "Good." He blinked a few times. "So this was an FYI that ruined dinner and they handled it?" She nodded. "That's fine then."

"Are we looking at any potential problems from our own country's peaceful community?" Obama asked.

"Actually, some of the peaceful community down there stepped in to help," Hill said. "As far as we can tell, there's some uneasiness going on but some of that was because Slayer Buffy is dating ...something that's upsetting Miss Rosenburg. They're worried they'll have a civil war sort of situation."

"Great. Are they?" Bush asked.

"Not that we can tell. Rosenburg likes to nag." She shrugged. "From what we've seen of her family, she gets it from her mother." That got a slight smile. "Those psychologists who do the book tours and talk about raising genius children? They're her parents." Obama winced. No one liked their ideas.

"Exactly. She's a lot like her mother. For right now, we assume there's going to be a summit event. We're assuming we won't have any problems with Harris hiding by LA but have no real idea as two of his recent dates were arms dealers arrested in New York after the Watchers' meeting." Bush moaned and shook his head.

"Yes, that event. Director Fury suggested a nice health spa by LA for him to recover at. We'll be watching over that site just in case while he's there. He'll be too sore to get himself free."

"Does he take over if Giles dies?" Bush asked.

"Fifth in line I believe. Or maybe fourth. Rosenburg is in front of him and everyone assumes that he'll take her out to protect the girls and it'll be mutual destruction so Wells will end up taking over. That would be the one who said he was Robin."

Obama nodded. "What's his position?"

"Housemother and sometimes an evil villain wannabe. We had to have two talks with him about his nanite creations that were making the girls quit picking on the geeks in their schools and once about them taking over Cleveland's city government to ease them on the girls not being evil. They all agreed Wells was more evil than the slayers." She smiled. "His former cohorts who were an evil geek triad have both died so he's missing them now and then by making up new evil plots."

All four presidents just nodded. "See if we can keep Harris in charge?" Bush asked.

"Sir, he has no manners."

"So? He does the job."

"Yes but the girls don't listen to him because Slayer Summers considers him *normal*." He winced at that. "Which to her is a lesser state and we all agree he's not normal."

"No, he's not," Obama said. "All right. When do I get to meet them?"

"Ask, sir. Mr. Giles could probably use a few days out of Cleveland. The tiny girls are bouncy about the holidays right now. They have something like sixty girls in the main compound house. Nineteen above the age of majority so on patrol." He winced. "They're good to them but they are *girls* and kept girls as long as they can be. So they have a whole group of first and second grade girls who're having a holiday soon."

Obama smiled. "My two were bad enough." He stood up. "Let me go tell Michelle. She'll want to try to mentor the girls. Do we have one locally?"

"Living at home and she's seventeen," Bush said with a grin. "Pretty nice young lady. Has some manners. Staked a guard who was turned then went back to chatting to the others waiting with her. They're all like that. Oh." He snapped. "Summers plays airhead *very* well. It's her persona." That got a mass nod. "Other than that, Agent Hill?"

"No, sir. Just a warning about a few possible things going on." She took the memory card back. "Have a better night." She nodded and left.

Obama looked at Bush. "I thought SHIELD was full of comic book agents."

"They are," Bush said with a nod. "Some are screwy, some are very comic book, Fury's got a black trenchcoat that floats behind him as he stomps off swearing at someone. That man swears more than some Marines I've met."

"Wonderful." He went to tell his wife what wasn't classified. She was amused, a bit. The other two went to talk about how to talk to their magic schools about that sort of problem. They didn't want it to happen again.

Bush went to hug his wife and daughters. He was nearly done with all the stresses like Nick Fury.

***

The MaCUSA congressional leaders were meeting with both presidents to go over that last battle. They had to figure out how to do it if it happened in the US or nearby that they could help with. Would they come out of the closet that way? Would they openly be wizards and witches or would they be a bit more hidden? They had to make some plans. There were already too many problems with magic. Including the hellmouth but that was an ongoing discussion of what to do about it. Or them really.

The new president came back from calling someone at one of the colleges. "All right, people. We have a few things we can do. We can go take measurements on the hellmouths. See if they can be uncharged or whatever. The magical portion of MIT is already doing that at one of the pre-formed hellmouths. It's not on that Council's map though.

"They looked at it and groaned but said they couldn't get near a few. I pointed out Sunnydale was empty so they could do that. Cleveland was a real city and theirs was in a park so they could go visiting. We can make plans to deal with any upcoming battles we hear about. Usually we're hearing afterwards so we need to talk to those Council sorts about how to handle that.

"They do have witches on staff but they're coven sorts, not our sort." That got a few grimaces and a loud groan. "They're working with an ancient coven out of England and have said if any of the US covens want to talk to them they're welcome to. They like modern witches. Their head witch, Rosenburg I believe, is a former computer hacker." That got another groan. "What?"

"She nearly ended the world in her grief a few years back," the groaner said. "The coven got her grieving properly but she nearly called up some artifact and made the whole world feel like she was. They trust her?"

"Grief can be healed," the new president said dryly. "Frankly, she helps hunt monsters and demons who aren't staying peaceful. Did you expect them to be normal, average sorts?"

"No," he agreed. "Have there been battles in the US outside the one in LA?"

"That's what happened to Sunnydale," the old president said. "Somehow the Seal of the First Evil opened and they had to go in to fight her. On the way out someone closed it and it sucked in the town." They all groaned. "Mr. Giles said they had yearly ones before then for the last seven years he had been there."

He pulled up one video to show them. "This is actually Slayer Summers' graduation." He let it run, pausing it once the demon was out. "Any idea what that is? They called it an ascension." They all shook their heads. He let it finish running. "By their files, the head had to come off. One died in Vesuvius. We've had a few in Africa that the militaries hid."

"Rockets would do it so much easier," the new president admitted, shaking his head and looking away. "Did we just ignore all this before?"

"All but the banks," the old president said. "I asked one when they were in to talk. They knew but let the ones over that handle it until they had to step in. It's only happened a few times in their histories." The new president slumped but nodded. "Exactly." He looked at the others. "Do we even have a statute of secrecy still?" They all nodded. "Even though we're in the open? What has the International board ordered?"

"We're not to use magic in public," one told him. "I'm guessing emergencies are different and it's not like we can obliviate a news crew and their cameras." She looked around. "I'm guessing here but we can't let the world slide into hell. So we've got to figure out how to handle that if it becomes necessary."

"Does the Council offer training?"

"I have no idea," the old president admitted. "It would for their watcher sorts. Some of them have coven style magic from what I've noticed. Mr. Giles' background showed he was part of a coven in London in the late seventies." One of them whined at that, shaking his head. "Bad?"

"Chaos magic, summoned higher level demons to learn from them. Ethan Rayne was another member, one of the last two with Ripper Giles."

"Oooh. So yes, he has some magic but doesn't seem to use it. His background check showed a lot of time spent with that coven in England during his college years."

"Great. Just absolutely great," that one agreed. "Will that sort work with us since we don't like to admit those sort still exist? Countries have laws against their sort even existing."

"Mr. Giles noted the ones in Saudi Arabia and had no idea they had a school for magic there."

"Yes, most of us consider those sorts to be pathetically weaker than our own magic styles," the new president agreed. "Is that ego on our parts? If one witch can destroy the world...." He spread his hands. "We can't do that."

They all shook their heads and considered things again. "We need to make peace with the coven sorts. Some of them could be trained like we are," the female said. "If they wanted to. If not, we need to see what they know that we don't and I doubt a modern day witchhunt will work. It's too easy to hide that and say you like candles and plants."

The others nodded at that idea. "We do need to reach out," the new president said. "They may have ideas on how to stop future bigger demonic problems. Where do we start with that though? They don't have an overseeing Council. They're not unified."

"We find the first one and ask them," the female said with a shrug. "They can either lead us to others to talk to or tell us if they know of any that use both styles or maybe teach at colleges and do research into such things." They nodded at that idea. "I'm sure the US has at least one coven somewhere."

"Point. All right, let's carefully ask around. Someone go talk to the Council themselves about the hellmouths and how best to magically help during things like a portal spilling demons." They looked at the new president, who smirked back. "It's your job in another two months anyway."

"I suppose I can do that." He went to call them to make an appointment. This was still very weird to him. He was a transfiguration scholar, not into defense and battle magics. The others went home to do some quiet looking to see if they could find a coven to start with.

One looked at Rosenburg's family but found her parents decrying magic and all things like that as fantasies. Even after being proven wrong on the air by a half-demon reporter.

***

Xander was healed, was in Cleveland for two days before heading back to get two of the senior girls ready to join him. The military leaders down there had chatted with the girls and him already so they knew when they'd be there. So yeah, Xander was avoiding the hellmouth's park as hard as he could, not even thinking about how it had gotten him on the plane as it was landing. Freaked out a lot of people when he started to suddenly yelp and glow.

He explained it as magical stuff trying to greet him and shoved it away so he could concentrate on the pain so he looked less dangerous. Thankfully the healing spa near LA had been miles away from Sunnydale so that one hadn't tried to cuddle him. Of course, it was Cleveland and his luck held. He walked out of the kitchen with a cup of chocolate laced coffee, finding Willow sobbing in a corner. "Hey." He sipped, staring down at her. "Should I go nag Kennedy for you again?"

"My parents," she said, looking up at him.

"Fuck 'em. They're idiots, Willow. You've known that for years."

"I tried to do something and nothing came out."

"You have it hidden after the mall last week." She moaned and undid that and sure enough things were floating. No more magic covering things up. She got up with his help and stomped out there to yell at her parents herself.

Xander leaned into the tv room. "The elder Rosenburgs are here." Buffy hopped up to go stop Willow from smiting her parents. He looked at the minis. "Willow's *real* upset, ladies. Don't yell too much tonight when she's reactiony and frantic. They do it to her each time they talk." He walked off calling some more support.

"Kennedy, your in-laws are here bothering your girlfriend. Yes, those parents. Here. Yes at the Council building," he agreed dryly. "I would before she destroys them." He looked outside. "She's got them penned in with two cars and a cab that's why, Kennedy." He hung up with a sigh, walking out there. "Willow, Kennedy said to calm down please. She didn't want to handle an emergency today."

"She won't have to," Willow promised, glaring at her parents.

He got between them. "Did I not vow to stop you if you ever got to that same point where you were going to destroy humanity?" he asked, finishing his coffee in a few gulps.

She huffed, glaring at him. "I'm not going to destroy anyone, Xander!"

"Yeah, bullshit. Go inside." He pointed. "Your parents are worthless nightmares, Willow. Always have been. Go. Shoo. Take Buffy and go calm down by eating cookies. Andrew made some for after dinner so he can probably make more." She stomped a foot. He stared back. "Now please. Before the press shows up to give their bigoted asses more attention." She pointed at the news van pulling in. "Uh-huh. I felt the slime showing up thanks to the battle senses. Go inside!" He pointed with a glare.

Giles came to the doorway. "Willow, do be a dear and go calm down," he said quietly. "Thank you, Buffy, please help her do so." She nodded, pulling Willow back inside. He looked at Xander. "You took a vow?"

"While nearly bleeding to death internally thanks to her." He grinned. "I heard tinkling little bells and everything."

"Oh, dear. Those are binding and may still hold you to it if you're not anywhere nearby."

"I'd be sent to deal with her. I used an owed wish to stop her redheaded dumb ass." He glared at the parents. "You two, who left your daughter alone for months, made that fragile, slightly psychotic young woman in there," he noted loudly. "Are you fucking proud of how you raised that girl? Really? Because what you did, most places would have social workers to stop you and your licenses yanked immediately.

"Especially with what I found in *my* social services file." The mother sneered but he stared back. "At least your trauma was enough to make her one of those comic book hero sorts. Though she does look bad in spandex. Your very fine genes and all that." He looked at the reporters staring at them. "What?"

"They're psychologists."

"Yes, and they've tried to burn their daughter at the stake. Then never apologized and never talked to her again. This is after a lifetime of ignoring her for *months* on end."

"I'm going to sue you!" Willow's mother screeched. "That's damaging my reputation."

Xander smirked. "It's not lying if we can prove it. We *do* have the records from Sunnydale to prove that, Mrs. Rosenburg." He grinned. "Hers, mine, everyone's." She backed up looking horrified. "The few social workers we had noted you as well but the Mayor thought you were a great diversion for him.

"Nearly as good as the vampires attacking the college by how he chuckled in his notes about you. Now, are you done here or not? Because I'm busy. I don't have time for you or for your daughter's meltdown since you showed up after *seven years*."

Buffy walked out and handed the reporter something. "Willow said to hand that to a real reporter not on Fox news." She walked off. "Xander, let's go before you sneer yourself into a Cordelia fit."

"She would've done it with fancier clothes but I think I can channel Queen C enough to do this one justice," he said dryly, staring at Willow's parents. "At least Joyce *apologized* for that possessed thing. You didn't even manage that." They stomped off. He grinned and wiggled his fingers at their backs. "Have a nice trip to whatever hell you crawled out of! I'm sure they'll throw a party that you're back!" He looked at the reporters. "I can see it, ask your one question."

"Possessed?"

Buffy grunted. "We had the Hansel and Gretel demon, the ones behind the fairytale, show up to go on an anti-witch crusade in town. My mom got hit first and started a group to end all the magic users. So me, Willow, and another witch nearly got burned at the stake but the demon got banished before they lit us on fire. My mom apologized.

"Willow's....changed the locks as soon as she had moved onto the college's campus. She had to break in to get the witch that was now a rat to get away from that and the rest of her stuff. Of course, they were in the Bahamas at some conference or another again. They were never there. In four years I saw them in town twice for about a week each."

Xander nodded. "They started that when Willow was four. Six days here, a week there, four days over a long weekend for a conference they were speaking at. Two weeks in second grade when she got chicken pox they were on GMA. The teacher demanded to know why her parents sent her to school while contagious. So she showed her on the room's tv."

A few reporters winced. "Yeah, they're not good parents. The animals that eat their young are better parents. It's done a number but Willow's been healing. Her girlfriends have been very helpful helping her see what a real family does for each other." He walked off. "Go away. It's nearly time for the girls to come home from school and you *know* how we feel about that." They backed off so they didn't catch any of the minis coming off the bus. A few had gotten sued by the minis for endangering their lives for that.

Buffy waved at the bus driver. "It's okay. They won't film them or we'll let the minis sue them again." The driver let them off so the girls could run inside. "Andrew's working on dinner and has veggies out for snacking, ladies. Go get one then start the homework carousel so you can do stretching and stuff after dinner."

They groaned but nodded. "Hey, two more days and it's holiday break! Then you get to work out with the bigger girls helping too." The girls giggled at that, it meant they got to pick on the older slayers. "And no one try to tickle Faith tonight please. She's got stomach cramps from lunch." She followed the last one inside.

Xander came out to look at the driver, who shrugged. He got the napping one, carrying her inside. "One's asleep already, Buffster." He kicked the door shut. She came to get that one to check over. They had gotten her backpack and not the girl so that was fine.

The reporters were talking about that with their home bases. They agreed with the girls that homework time sucked and tickling the senior slayer Faith was probably fun for them. They got to watch one of the older girls take the minis out back after dinner too. She gathered them all and then grinned. "Oooh, get me, I'm a scary monster sort!" she squealed and ran off. The girls chased her around the yard to pounce her.

Buffy was watching and giggling. She came out. "Most scary monster sorts we deal with aren't single ones," she chirped and the girls broke off some to try to grab her too. Xander came out with a sigh and the younger girls who weren't school aged yet. He bent down to talk to them then let them join in. They went to trip Buffy for the older ones and then got the other senior girl.

Faith came out to get pounced too and they enjoyed that. The one that tried to get Xander down he picked up, swung around a few times, then tossed her at the other girls to catch, making her giggle. "Sometimes the monsters are really tall and you have to climb," Buffy agreed, trying to pounce Xander. He got out of the way and kicked her on the butt, sending her at the minis to pounce some more. "Hey!"

"Sometimes the scary monsters have to take out the ones doing plans to do their own," he quipped with an evil smirk. "Girls, Andrew's got cookies for those who won!" They got all three of the slayers down and groaning from the tickle attacks then went to pounce Andrew to grab the cookies while a few held him away from them so he couldn't stop them. They ran off with all the cookies and Andrew's baseball hat - one girl had wanted it for weeks now.

"That was eight dozen cookies and there's only sixteen of you so share them before you become bouncy horrors that we'll rename after Xander," Andrew called.

Xander smirked at the staring slayers. "Have fun! I'm off tonight!" He strolled off to go clubbing.

Buffy moaned. "Evil asshole," she called after him. The other two moaned as they got up and went to try to steal some of the cookies back. "Hey, share the cookies. Sometimes you can bribe the scary monsters into going away. And we deserve some with how much you girls bruised us."

The reporters got all that on camera and the parents among them were laughing at that evil idea that Harris had used. Sixteen bouncy young girls high on cookies? Yes, that was definitely evil. At least they weren't in a mall.

***

Xander was tired of the huffy archeologist asshole who was saying they were all liars. So he was going to do something about it. He walked into where he was giving a speech and up to him, holding up a map and an artifact. "Here, this will get you into one of the oldest demon cities on this continent." He smirked a bit. "You're welcome to join me there in a few days. I have something to do between then and now but I'll be there in five days." He walked off again looking smug.

"Harris," one of the reporters called. "Where is it and can reporters come?"

"I've barely found it, identified two of the temples, and killed the guardian," he called back as he walked out the doors. "Give it a bit to make it safer please."

"Okay," she decided, looking at her fellow reporters then up at the talking head on the stage. "What city is that?"

"I doubt it's a demon city," he sneered. "They just grunt and point."

One of the demons in the audience stood up. "No, the three species that grunt and point are due to language barriers. Theirs is very musical and hard to hear at your average range of hearing," he noted. "Is that Maridal?" He came up to look at the map himself since the man was so horrified that an actual demon had spoken to him.

"Oh, that's not Maridal." He smiled at the group listening. "That is the ancient city of Cardeza-Lovair as the person renamed it in the sixteen hundreds. It had been found once before but the people who did were made to forget before all this came out back then and we *all* had to face an inquisition." He handed the map back with a smile. Then he took a picture of it. "Been wanting to visit that one myself with my students."

"Who're you?" the guy asked in a squeaky voice.

"I'm the head of the humanities program at the University of Cairo's demon portion. That means I'm over the sociologists, the anthropologists, and the few who want to go into your field but couldn't get into the regular program. Demon and not really as the one over the human portion is on maternity leave."

He strolled off happily. "I have to see if Harris has a map to Maridal. I know he was there. That guardian spell sends out an SOS if a human comes near it." He left to go get happy. That night he did have an emailed map from Xander, who said he had heard the request through a reporter writing him for a copy of the map. And a map to an unknown city of demonic origins that still had a few persistent beings living there.

That made his week and would make his career when he announced it. He and his assistant, and favorite students of course, went there to see what was going on. They could announce that and make the wannabe archeologists in his program get enough notice to get them to the proper college and programs. The anthropologists were happy too, they got to study a living ancient culture that was slowly dying.

***

Willow saw that event and sighed in pain. "Oh. That's going to cause a stink. That guy hates that demons exist, much less that they were here first." The slayers with her nodded at that. "Oh, they're going to try to hunt the Xander. I hope he's got someone to protect him this time."

Giles walked in. "What? I heard you moaning about Xander." She looked online to get a full copy of that talk that had been interrupted by their watcher. He watched then moaned. "Oh, that city!"

"Yes, that city. Is that the one he gave to the Asian watcher's dad?"

"No, that was the one Dr. Havaran mentioned, Willow. He was most pleased too. Announced the find and produced pictures. I'm sure Dr. Havaran will be pleased to help him though." He handed the tablet back to go tell the other watchers what Xander had done. It may mean some academics were nicer to them.

"What about the ancient alien guys?" one of the younger slayers asked.

Willow snorted. "That guy with the hair has a bachelor's degree in something like physiology or something. Nothing humanities related. He's just a head that spouts bullcrap." The girls nodded at that. "Though we showed him what we knew and he had a true fit about it not being aliens, it being demons."

She shrugged. "Maybe they'll make that show factual." She changed the channel to something nicer for the girls to watch that was still a bit educational. She didn't want them to fall into Buffy's trap of a daily soap opera binge.

***

Xander grinned at the archeologist, two reporter types, and a few students. "Guys, the two red buildings have not been cleared of threats. They will kill you, and possibly everyone, if you walk into them. We're negotiating with the things holding the temples safe."

He waved a hand at the reporters. "Hey, guys. It's still a bit dangerous. Oh, and there's a landmine about ten feet outside the gate to the right." He pointed. "I don't know from when." They nodded, coming in to take pictures. "So, welcome to an ancient demon city, one of the oldest on the continent." He grinned at the professor. "Want the temple library that has maps first?"

"It's that well preserved?" he demanded.

"Not fully. The map's ratty and about to fall apart. I put it onto the stone tablet I found in there so it'd hold any moisture away from it and not eat the papyrus. There's a few more in tatters and a few newer looking ones. There had been inhabitants here, a few priests, until about the thirteen hundreds, I'd say about the middle of it. I can't always convert that calendar right."

He led them to it. "That is a dangerous spot," he warned. "Leave the two red temples alone please. At least until I can make them safe to look inside." The student came back to go with the group. Xander let them into the temple, bowed at the altar, then went into the side hallway to the library.

"This temple was to Maranathor. He's a male harvest god for tree fruits on one realm. He's also the brother of D'Nar. Who lives down south." The reporters looked at him. He grinned. "That goddess that smacked the living hell out of her former boyfriend? That's D'Nar." They just nodded and he grinned.

"She's a great lady. I adore that woman. She helps the minis with planting ideas too. One was having a badish harvest year so the mini asked her how to better fertilize to make sure it didn't happen again. D'Nar was *so* nice to help her with that."

He watched the students look around and one sneeze into his shirt at some dust instead of on the dust, which was polite of him. Xander pulled down the map scroll on the stone. "This is the city's map. That language is an ancient trading tongue so it's fairly still in use."

The archeologist looked then at him. "That's an actual language!"

"Yeah! There's like ninety demon languages that show up down here." He grinned. "Trade languages, like latin, were to bridge the gap to give them a common language to use. There's six present trade languages in use as far as I know. I can read all but one and speak four of them because it's helped me protect them and humanity."

He shrugged but smiled a bit. "There's always been languages. Even the ones that grunt and point, they have it specially meaning certain things, which I believe makes it a language." He strolled off. "C'mon, guys. There's a nice garden out back with some odd plants and I have to pick three for D'Nar. She asked." They followed, taking film of the inside of the temple.

"Is this to a dead god, Mr. Harris?"

He grinned. "Not in the least. He's asleep. There's a few versions of why but it's one of those myths that each part has a bit of truth but not all of it. I've heard two of the most related ones but you'd have to ask D'Nar or someone about the reality. I haven't. I know he's asleep in a specially sealed and protected area. There's a few of those."

They nodded. He showed them around the garden, letting them see him unplanting a few plants to put into nearby pots with some soil from around it. And one he shot a mouse and buried it underneath the roots. "I think that's the one she said needed decomposing materials." He went to put them in the main temple area on the steps out so he could send them off later.

A pretty, tall woman in a gauzy dress showed up. She had bluer skin and white hair, and really pretty decorated nails with seed pearls and gold. He grinned. "Lady D'Nar, I was going to send them via messenger." He held up one. "Is this the one you said needed decomp? If not, I can go get another sample for you since there's three in the meditation garden."

"No, dear, that does need it." She patted him on the cheek with a smile. "You're a flirt."

"I try." He grinned. "You're awesome enough to be flirted with but not dangerous enough to be attracted to me."

"Not often anyway." She kissed him on the cheek then wiped her lipstick off. "Thank you, Xander." She took her plants and looked up at the statue behind the altar. "My brother was such an idiot sometimes." She sighed.

"Can we ask you about the myth, Lady D'Nar?" one of the reporters asked.

She smiled. "If you catch me when I'm morose and remembering the family things, dear." She disappeared with her plants.

"Her family remembrance is in November," Xander told them quietly. "She and I had a lot of wine last year so she could safely mope and remember them." They nodded at that. "She is a super lady and her temple's healers are great too. Did great stitches for me a few times when I defended the temple against humans."

He bowed at the altar again then led them to the other side of the temple, letting them see the more modern areas. One squealed at the books, bringing a student. He looked and moaned. Xander grinned. "These are more modern ones and I don't read or speak most of the languages in here. Sorry."

"Professor, there's a more modern library with other languages," he called. His teacher came running and stared in awe. "When was this built?"

"By the stone there, it says 1289." He pointed at it. "So probably right before they died of some sort of disease. One left a journal." He walked over and carefully lifted it down with his shirt around his hand. He put it onto the table. "The last priest in the city." They bent over it.

"That's in a Latin hybrid that someone created to merge a trade tongue I don't read or speak with latin for trading purposes. The only one who reads that is the one who talked to you at that speech." He grinned. "His brother's a linguist working on all the trade tongues."

"I'll ask him," he said, looking up. "This...." He stood up straighter. "These could have been done by early humans."

Xander shook his head, pulling down another book with his shirt. "The beginning of their God coming over here from his own realm." He let him have that one. "D'Nar followed ages later because their people were going into a civil war of hell. It destroyed their whole realm."

The man looked at it then moaned. "Is that talking about proto-humans?" he demanded, looking at him.

Xander looked then pointed. "That's the first slayer, Sineya. She was a brow ridge having young woman in a clan who the gifts were forced upon to defend the proto-humans from demons." He smiled. "There was a battle city nearby at that time. Humans were seen like prey species today."

The professor slumped. "When was this written?"

Xander shrugged. "I have no idea. Looks like it's a rewrite by the first page though. Since it mentions the original was on a scroll that was falling apart." He looked and moaned, almost whining. Xander grinned at the reporters. "I'll show you guys where I've set up tents. It's by the back well that still has some water, and nicely has an outhouse latrine structure that still works." He led them back there, giving them the tour of the ancient city's marketplace and what would've sold there.

"Is that a communal toilet like Rome's baths?" one asked.

"Yes." Xander nodded. "This city didn't believe in spreading waste around so everyone just used here. Chamber pots were only if you were very ill. Everyone in town rushed in here to do their stuff then left so it didn't contaminate the wells or ground water." They nodded, going to film in there too.

"Why is there a shallow basin area?"

"For the ones like the Groers. They eliminate by basically creating a ball that comes out of their structure with any waste in it." He let them see their facts on the watcher's database. "Like them."

They read it and nodded. That was weird but okay. They were demons; they didn't have human counterparts always.

Xander heard a giggle. "Oh, shit. Stay." He looked out there. "Get away from the pink thing!" he called. "It's a Loli and they'll kill you! It takes puncturing, not firing weapons! Don't inhale the gas either!" He went to get a sword and handle it for that student.

"Dude, you nearly got inserted and used as a sex toy so it could split off and then you'd be eaten. Go get fresh air, calm down, and have the headache I know you have." The student wobbled but Xander got him to the tents then went to tell the professor that before hunting the rest of that pack. There was rarely only one of them.

***

Slayers Katya and Faith were helping the demon archeology team in their ancient city. But there was a huge problem. They had somehow woken up a God. A very not happy with humans God. The professor was hiding with his students. Katya was glaring at him. "I'm going to summon Xander," she decided.

"X can't handle him," Faith complained. "And he's too far away!"

She called Willow. "We need Xander. We woke up a God." She hung up at the god's glare. "What?" she demanded. "At least he's a male so you can sneer in your own language."

Xander appeared, presently a bloody mess with goo on him. He had his axe in his hand and a sword on his back. "Ladies, I was in the middle of protecting the others from a colony of Loli's." He handed Faith and Katya his sword. "Go for it for me! There's reporters." They got sent back by the witches. He glared at the demon king. "What?" he demanded. "It's a dead city! They're studying it to see how magnificent you were! If you don't like it, take a pill and go back to sleep for a few more centuries."

"You're an uppity human."

"Ooooh, yay," Xander said dryly. "Go me!"

"That's a war god, Harris," the professor called.

Xander looked at him oddly. "I know that. I know where his other temple is. I blew it the fuck up to keep that portal in it closed last year." He grinned. Then at the war god. "So." He smirked a bit. "Welcome back to humanity. It's 2009. Or 64,589 in the Koranth calendar if I'm not mistaken."

"Day 56 of 66,589, Harris," the professor called.

"Okay, I stand corrected by the person who'd know best." He smiled. "He's the top archeologist on this continent."

"My people are not dead!"

"Your people have been dead for *centuries*," Xander assured him. "You can try to summon any priests you may still have. I think one's somehow managed to be immortal. He's with Nort's temple."

The demon king blinked a few times. "What?"

Xander video called with a sigh. He waved. "It's Xander. I need the immortal asshole to talk to his former God please, Healer Batheres."

"Why would that God be awake, Xander?" Xander switched the view to show him. "Oh, bloody hell!"

Xander switched it back with a grin. "Wouldn't hell have to be bloody in places? I think it's part of the whole concept, isn't it? And have I mentioned you remind me of Spike now and then recently?" The healer snorted, looking displeased but he did call for that one.

Xander walked over. "Here, this is a communication device called a smart phone. This is a video conferencing app that lets you talk to someone somewhere else while seeing them instead of just hearing them. It's like scrying for people without magic."

The priest stepped into view. "My Lord, you slept very long. Why did you wake now?"

"Dr. Havaran is here to look at the city," Xander said, leaning over his arm to wave. "I've got the other one in the other city but we have Loli's. Here, we had Katya and Faith. We switched." He grinned.

"That explains why you're so messy, Harris."

"A whole *colony* of Loli's under a temple. They had taken over the temple to Bravat." The healer moaned, shaking his head. "Yeah! With reporters, archeos, and me. Though the two temples that are still dangerous were very amused." He got out of the way, looking at the geeks.

"I should see if the temple here to D'Nar's brother has that other plant she was looking for." He wiped off some slime then bent to get some sand to scrape it off him. "That's slightly better I guess." He scrubbed with the sand until he was handed back his phone. "Thanks." He put it into his pocket. "So, nap time again?"

"I...." He huffed. "Many things have happened."

"Dude, you so missed *everything*. The people around here are just getting their own peoples back from colonization and rebuilding their traditions and stuff. If you're staying you have to be peaceful or I have to blow you the fuck up, but if you're willing to stay peaceful, leave the people studying your greatness alone, and maybe help if we have another invasion attempt, then stay awake for all I care." He shrugged. "I'm the guy training the slayers down here so they can stay at home."

The demon king looked at him. "Why is there more than one?"

"First Evil."

"Oh." Xander pulled up the information for him, letting him read it. He grimaced. "That witch...."

"It was prompted we think. The Powers That Be," he said quietly.

"I get that." He handed the phone back again. "I will stay awake and not bother the ones who wish to study this city as it has very few living things and they're senseless."

"Are there those snifflers? I could use some against the Loli's," Xander said. The god summoned some. He grinned. "You won't hurt the geeks, right?"

"No." He waved a hand. "I knew of ones who studied before." He walked over there, looking at them. "You are safe from me as long as you are respectful. Perhaps I'll restart my city."

"If not, D'Nar has a few who live near her," Xander offered. "They have tea and things. Their handmaidens are in a coven together." He grinned. "And D'Nar's a great lady. Nort lives about three hundred miles from there too. So you could visit your former priest."

"That is not a bad idea. I do not have means to get there." He frowned at the stables. "All my beasts have died."

Xander held up a hand and dug something out of his pocket to look something up then showed it to the geeks. Who one nodded and called someone. That trader showed up to bow to the demon king and talk to him about what he'd need and what he had left to trade for more modern things like a traveling beast.

Xander got sent back to his city of little rolling pink things that giggled and ate people. He released the snifflers. Those demons sniffed the Lolis and were enranged, growing and inhaling them to eat them like ants. It helped a lot before Faith fell to them. "I heard that factoid a few years back from a book I won at a poker game," he called with a wave and a grin. He stabbed another Loli. "Ah, another fun day of slaying."

Faith scowled at him. "You consider this funsies?"

"I'm going to be horny as fuck from the gas later, so yes, once I get cleaned up I plan on celebrating surviving." He grinned. "I say we send some to people we don't like so they can have samples to study. See how far it gets in the CIA."

Katya laughed, shaking her head. "That's mean, Xander, but I like it!"

"None of us can teleport things," Faith reminded them. "And it'd make them hate us and try to attack the minis again."

"Lolis won't touch kids. They don't have sex hormones yet." He grinned. The slayers groaned but they finished eliminating the menace to survival then sighed and went to scrub the goo off before it made them smell like one.

Katya looked. "Xander, one of the younger ones is coming out of the red temple on the right," she called.

Xander looked. "He's probably a zombie," he announced. "If so, behead him to kill him. I need to sharpen my blades." The geeks all moaned but he was a zombie and Faith did behead him to take him out. "I warned him," he noted at the heated stares his way. "Did I not warn about that repeatedly?" They nodded and went back to studying things.

Xander stopped one. "That is the town's cemetery." He pointed. "Do not bother that or the guardian will come back." They nodded, only taking pictures then leaving it alone. They had no need to dig that up right now. The witches sent the slayers back to their former city so Xander got to rest for now.

"We could use some help bringing up water," one of the students called.

Xander looked over. "I'm recovering from the battle, kid." He pouted but nodded, doing it himself. Xander sighed, going back to his sharpening. He'd probably need his axe again within hours thanks to them bothering those temples.

***

You must login (register) to review.

Site Info

Most Recent

Random Story

Other Sites

Skins