Xander looked at one of the remaining temple's guardian spells. "If you summon one more thing for me to fight I'm going to blow the whole city up. Then you won't have to worry about this temple."
"They're humans!"
"Yes, we are."
The guardian spirit scowled at him. "You are not!"
"I was, I just got exposed to a few things." He gave him a pointed look. "If you want the demonic archeologist team so much, they're bothering the Temple of Drevt. Go talk to them. Until then, these guys are archeologists too, even though they're human, and they're telling everyone in both communities what they found here." He looked over his shoulder at the altar then at the spirit again. "I should put that somewhere safer. Like in a vault."
"Humans can't touch that."
Xander waved a hand at himself. "Exposed to mermaids and demon blood a few times, dude."
"Point." He looked back then at him. "There is worse in here. The ones in that other city are nicely demonic but it would harm them as well."
"There's the guy in Egypt since that's clearly Egyptian. He could probably have it hidden."
The guardian spirit winced. "Still a human."
"I'm pretty sure he's got a demon working for him by now. They're still trying to cover up the sorcerers' temples. If I was being chaotic I'd go stand in a certain valley and let the hellmouth taint out on it to expose things."
The spirit sighed. "They may like that, they may not. Not sure. You should try that. That way we can eliminate the threat."
"The ones with the cameras, they're reporters. They've sent back pictures of how pretty your people made this whole city." The spirit looked confused. "Those black things? Those are cameras. They take pictures, or in their case film, of things that can then be shown to others later. Like a painting that moves."
"Oh. I saw that in those books."
"Not exactly the same and who had HP here?"
"There's been a priestess who kept trying to get into the other temple."
Xander nodded. "I can help with that too."
"He would be very mad."
Xander grinned. "And? He's dead!"
"He's not fully dead. He's in there somewhere."
Xander stared at him. "They burned his body."
"That was his brother's body. He's hiding in there."
"Oh. Interesting. Call that priestess and I'll help her."
"I'd have to summon something else if you did."
Xander grinned. "I've got stuff for that now." The spirit pouted. Xander called around and found that priestess, who came over as quickly as she could. He walked out to meet her. "Annual pilgrimage?"
"Hunter Harris?" she asked, looking confused.
"I'm the training watcher for the baby slayers down here so they can stay at home, dear."
"We cannot talk to watchers, Hunter."
He grinned. "Sure. I get that. What did you need out of that temple? The other temple's guardian spirit said he's in here hiding."
"I need the urn and the prayer set on the altar."
"Okay. We can do that. Do you have a way to carry them? A box or something?" She slowly shook her head. "Let's get one from the students then. We have student archeologists and one who thought all demons just grunted."
"We saw that amusing taunting. Are they still alive?"
"Yes, because I'm fantastic. We even dealt with the Loli invasion since a temple had a whole colony nesting." She shuddered. "Yeah. A fertility temple at least so it made absurd sense." He grinned, taking her to get a box. "She needs a box to get a prayer set off one of those temples for hers. Can she bum one?" One of the students handed one over and he put hay in it to pad things. "Thanks, dude. I'll let you know if that one's open later." He took her in there.
"We cannot pass the guardian," she reminded him.
"We've been talking for weeks now." The spirit sighed so Xander did his next-to-last thing on his list of how to deal with spirits in his way, he let it be sucked into him. Then he fought it out. The spirit fled with a shriek of horror. Xander waved. "Bye! Go back to your peace and rest please. I promise the hyena won't eat you." He opened the door for her, then waved a hand. "After you, priestess."
She walked in carefully and moaned in pleasure. "It is still purified." She bowed and said a prayer then got what she needed. There was still a protection around the urn. Xander dropped holy water on it then regular water, making it shatter. She gathered up the prayer set to pack up. She turned and squeaked loudly. "Oh, I'm sorry, Sire! We gather this for your other temple!" She properly bowed as deeply as she could.
Xander grinned and waved. "I'm helping her get in here to get things that their temple needs."
"Which uppity human are you?"
"Harris." He grinned. "Training watcher over the mini slayers on this continent so they can stay at home."
The demon god glared. "Why are you not human?"
"I was exposed to a lot of stuff over the years. I was born human."
The demon god glared. "I do not like you. My guardian spirit was to keep such as you and those wandering around out. You've disturbed my rest. A lot." He sat on his throne. "What other temple needs my altar set, child?"
She looked up. "The temple in Baswait, Sire. I'm a junior priestess there."
"To which one?"
"I serve your wife, Sire."
"Oh. The second wife I'm assuming?" She nodded slowly. "She did not get that in the divorce."
"She claims to protect it since you were burned alive, Sire."
"No, my brother did that." He waved a hand. "I'll talk to my ex-wife soon. You can have her urn with her spawn of a mother if you want it. The thing nags. Constantly." He glared at it then at Xander. "Why do humans know about us?"
"Someone exposed the communities. The demonic community, the magical community, everything." The god huffed at that. "The ones here thought that demons were basically higher level animals. Only grunted and pointed. This let them know how great some of the former societies are." He grinned. "And if you're thinking about Nort, he's a great guy. I know where his temple is if you want a map."
"No, my former high priest will show up eventually, when he's not busy healing someone." He stared at the priestess. "Which did she truly want to covet this time? Before it was the bowl."
"She wanted me to gather the bowl, the dagger, and the chalice set, Sire. Plus her mother's urn."
"If she wants the chalice set, she'll have to fight me for it," he said dryly. "And she'd lose. I inherited those." He stared at the human in the doorway. "What? My ex-wife is annoying." He looked at her. "You can bring her the dagger as a sign that she should use it on her own wrists, child. Her and her *voice*, which is the most annoying thing next to sand fleas, could use the knife to ritually bring something better to this realm."
"Her sister tried that. I blew them up, and nearly myself," Xander quipped. "Then the rest got fought off by a few human militaries."
The god blinked at him. "What now?"
Xander grinned and nodded. "The one they call Marti because they can't pronounce her name? That one. I had to blow up the portal and the field of battle, then the humans got the rest."
"They have more than swords?"
Xander grinned and nodded. "Yes we do. As all my slayers are tiny, I'm their protector as well."
The god huffed. "That's dumb."
"They're babies. They deserve to grow up happy."
"I have no problem with that." He flicked a hand. "All children should be able to grow up happy." He looked at the priestess. "Give me a minute to dig out the other bowl so she'll leave me alone." He went to do that. She carefully packed the urn and knife in the box, then the bowl he handed over. "Tell her if she's not satisfied, she'll have to remarry me and then divorce me again to win it in the agreements." She bowed and nodded. "You are quite a nice priestess. I should steal you."
She blinked up at him. "My mother promised me to her when I was born, Sire."
"Pity. I could use some new priests since my last one fled." He glared at Xander. Who grinned. "How did you do that?"
"I suck in spirits? It met my first one, which was a primal."
"Oh. Damn it." He grimaced. "Begone, human."
"Can the geeks look in your library for history books? They don't believe you were here first," Xander said.
"I don't care much for history but I have something on an event." He went to look and came back, handing it to the human in the doorway. "Shoo!" He fled. "Hey, an obedient human." He smiled. "Finally!"
Xander snorted. "He's young." He led the priestess out. "Thanks. And I banished the Loli's from your daughter's temple. Damn messy things."
The god shuddered. "I hate those things she adored. Pink glitter and they stink." He went back to his hiding and napping spot, laying back down. He did seal the temple so no one else could get in. And he summoned something to deal with the uppity humans. He felt it appear and the fear it caused then he heard laughter so went to check. He got to see the demon be blown up by a weapon of some kind. "Are those the siege engines they were talking about?"
Xander grinned and shook his head. "No. Those are for sieges at buildings. This is for assholes who show up and try to get flirty with me. It's artillery. Or in this case it's a Somali grenade launcher. I won it in a poker game." He beamed. "Very handy."
The god looked at the remains then nodded. "I can see why. Are those common?"
"With militaries," the priestess said. "They have many higher weapons, Sire."
"Damn."
"D'Nar has your second-youngest son near her," Xander offered. "You could visit him. The others went to Rambari."
"I may do that. Is he finally over his lust over that human girl?"
Xander shook his head. "She had herself changed into a Gorgon to be with him for eternity."
The god groaned, shaking his head. "At least he doesn't have to look at her ears any longer." He resealed his temple and went to visit his son and daughter-in-law. She was veiled but only bowed to him. "I got woken up by *humans*," he said, sounding disturbed.
His son smiled. "Harris is enough to wake up any god, Father." He got up to hug him. "He made the fighting over a priestess war stop by making her squeal for him instead so they'd all leave her alone. It ended a century of war."
"He banished the guardian spirit." He sat down with a huff. "So I see she is worthy after all." His son nodded, smiling at his wife. Who clearly was pleased back. "Fine." He waved a hand. "I'll agree to the union as it's lasted this long." They smiled at him. "Do I have grandchildren?"
"No," she said. "Not yet. It is still too soft to hatch."
"Pity. I'll have to deal with his last stepmother soon too. She sent a priestess to loot the altar set she didn't get in the divorce." His son gave him something to drink and settled in to talk to him.
Xander grinned at the priestess, who was blushing. "Go home, dear. You're too sweet and nice to be here." She nodded, taking the crate with her. He looked at the student archeologists, who all shrugged and got back to work. "That temple's probably sealed up."
"Probably," the one with the book agreed. "What is this about?"
Xander looked. "The gladiator battle for the next-to-last demon king's holder." He handed it back. "Apparently they battled for the highest spot. Or to get out of the highest spot maybe." He went to put the artillery tube up. "The other temple's still sealed."
"Yes, sir." He looked at his professor, who was having his mind blown every few hours. He was almost quiet and slumped now that all this had been done by demons before humans could create fire. When the demon archeologist and his team showed up that night, as planned, those two sat down to talk about things. It helped the human one quite a lot. Though that demonic archeologist did swat Xander for being such an asshole. Xander just shrugged with a grin.
***
Xander called the witches in Devon. "It's Xander. I need two trips, one's seriously important to get a few artifacts into a safe vault. No, I meant a safe vault. I've got one holding the remains of Queen Perisis. I know it's a myth but it's not. I'm holding it and it's chatty. No, then I need to come back here and gather stuff to go to Egypt to a certain location.
"I can drive part of the way but the artifact will leak until it gets back to Egypt. Thanks." He hung up and sat on the crate, holding onto the chatty box. He appeared in Cleveland. "SCRAVNER!" he bellowed. That watcher came running. Xander stood up. "Box'o artifacts from the city? All possessed or magical. And this is the remains of Perisis."
"She's a myth!"
"She's a mess! She's also flirty and tried to claim I'd be her husband and breed her." He held it up with a grimace. "We all know I'm infertile and she's not evil enough to be mine. So please stick her somewhere quiet she can pout?"
He took the box, letting it speak to him. "Oh hell, Harris!"
Xander shrugged. "I didn't want to dick that down. She's pouty about that. Put her somewhere in a corner?"
"Fine. The others?" Xander smirked and handed over the list from the top of the box. Then he texted so he could disappear. He read it. "What the bloody hell is that! Where was that boy working!" he bellowed.
"With the human archeologist guy," Willow called from the library. "Showing him that demons weren't grunting, pointing animals. Dr. Havaran praised him for working so well and protecting that city as well as the student archeologists. She came to the doorway. "There had been a colony of Lolis at least."
Scravner shuddered. "That's disgusting." He took his new box and new crate to the safe vault area to log them in and start their research. When Giles came in he handed him the box of former Goddess. "She tried to mate with Harris."
"Yes, she's probably not dirty enough for him," Giles said blandly. "Who was it?"
"Perisis."
"Then no, she's said to be sweet." He put the box down and patted Scravner on the shoulder. "At least you didn't have to help that mission to stop the archeologists from fussing."
"I would've went mad. I'm a *normal* man, Rupert. Unlike Harris."
"Which is why he does so good down there." He left him to it. That inventory list was most amusing, full of things he wanted to be nowhere near.
***
Xander got sent to the valley in Egypt he needed, walking over to the head archeologist in Egypt. "Hey." He shook his hand. "First, this is your people's. It's been leaking until I brought it back by Anwar. It was stuffed in a closet in a demonic city down south." He handed it over.
"That is in Hieroglyphs," he said, reading it. "A temple of Venus but she was far after...."
"Probably the demonic verison, not the Greek and Roman one," Xander said with a nod. "Her temple's in that same city I just got that one archeologist out of." He walked off with a sigh. "I got asked by the demonic community to open something for you." He concentrated and removed his blocking necklace, letting the energy out. There was a whole lot of answering glow back.
"All those are semi- or partially demonic court sorcerers. From the Temple of Nuit's hidden people I'm told." The man moaned but nodded. Xander grinned. "They wanted them to be honored and known too. Apparently one's a mythical hero for telling a pharaoh no about something." He shrugged but handed over the book.
"Dviont sent that. We exposed he was hiding instead of dead. Which meant his second ex-wife got mad at her attempt to kill him with his brother's help failed. She had been bragging for centuries but he proved her wrong. So he was missing his last ex-wife." He pointed at the book with a grin. "He'd like it if you found it and made sure she's actually dead. He said she nags."
"I can do that. Thank you, Mr. Harris."
Xander grinned. "I learned a lot watching the specials you've put out. Besides, this way you can freak out people too." He smirked. "I find it a lot of fun to do that to the really stuffy people like the one I was just guarding in an ancient demon city. Dr. Havaran also enjoyed it."
"I've met him. He is most interesting."
"He's working on the oldest demonic full city on the continent with some of his students." He grinned. "He's most happy right now."
"I'm sure he is. Thank you."
"Welcome." He looked at one temple then put back on the necklace. "They have something in that one that likes hellmouth energy." He pointed. "Please make sure I can't get near it again? It's bad enough the hellmouths like to snuggle me like I'm a teddy human." The archeologist laughed but nodded. "Have a great dig, sir." He grinned and left.
The Doctor looked back at his people, who came down to mark areas to dig. One carefully took the book and vase to store for him in a hidden part of the museum's back room. He would have to write the watchers to tell them how weird yet delightful that young one was to give them new finds.
***
Xander walked into D'Nar's temple, bowing at her. "I found odd specimens to gift you with. One's dangerous, and a bit cannibal. The other three are just pretty. And one's from inside a hellmouth."
She blinked a few times. "Something grows in them?" He went to grab the crate and brought it in, handing her the first one. "This will definitely eat a being." She put it carefully aside, patting it on the head. "I'll use it in the defenses."
"I figured you'd give it to your aunt." He smirked. "She tried to flirt with me too."
"You are adorable."
"Yes, and part of her is in a box I put in the vault in Cleveland."
She moaned. "I heard, Xander. That's mean."
"She's the one who wanted Xander kids."
"Oooh. Well, she'll reform when she makes her way out of that box."
"I did only use a cardboard box and tape, but she's in the artifact vault in Cleveland, right near her ex-boyfriend."
"Awww. That's sweet of you." She took the next pant herself. "Oooh, that's fruit bearing but it's tiny."
"I planted a seed by stepping on it. Within a day it grew that. Nort's temple healer said it's important to Hadi."
"It is. It's her special plant." She put it on her altar with a pat. "I'll let her know I have a new one. Where did you find her fruit? It's not available down here."
He grinned and handed her the last piece he had. "From a marketplace. It crossbred with a papaya tree." She looked and whined but put it near the plant. He grinned. "I found one crossed with a lemon, which is where that seed came from. I didn't realize it was special until someone yelled at me for being a human eating sacred fruits. But he was insulting so I buried the core and stepped on that seed."
She nodded. "That can happen. I'm sure she wouldn't mind."
"No clue. One of your cousin's priestesses yelled."
"She's uptight."
Xander nodded. "Very." He handed over the next two. "Weird versions of ones you were looking for?"
She looked and moaned. "Oh, that's the pure version instead of the crossbreed. Where?"
"Nort's temple. I was weeding his back garden while he worked on Sal's injuries. There had been a few humans. I was a bit mad at the mess I made rescuing her. So I weeded while she got stitches so she didn't have to see me being mad at the humans." He gave her a look then smiled.
"By the way, he wanted your daughter too. So she's now safe." He pulled out the last pot and tossed the box into the fireplace to burn it. She stared at the pot of dirt. He moved his hellmouth necklace. The crystal flower suddenly appeared from being invisible and bloomed. "What is this? It was inside the edge of the hellmouth in Nigeria."
She came to look then backed up shaking her head. "That's evil."
"Okay, how do I kill it and should we check the others for one?" He put his necklace back into place so the flower would quit reacting. "Is it a fire, a blow it up, a magic against thing? And do you want to note it so you can spread around news that one appeared?"
"Yes, I'd like to tell the others. Let me get some. I have no idea how to kill it but I cannot touch it to sense it." Xander nodded, putting a glass jar over the top of the flower pot for now. A few other garden goddesses showed up. "Xander has found a few things. Hadi, that is your plant and your fruit that crossbred." She squealed, going to look. She stared at the carnivorous one, moving it carefully away from her. "Was that one near that flower, Xander?"
"No. That also came from Nort's back garden. It was by the pond. I'm guessing the pond used to have fish. I thought you might like a self defense plant." He grinned. "Ladies, and Sire. I found this inside the edge of the hellmouth in Nigeria." He pointed then moved his necklace to expose the plant again. "How do we kill it? Could there be more?"
"Those are dangerous to even humans," the male one said, staring at it. Xander put his necklace back in place. "They grow in energy rich places and suck up the energy."
"Okay. Should I warn the Devon coven or Willow?" They all nodded. So he called, walking off then coming back with Willow and another witch. "Ladies, I found this inside the Nigerian hellmouth." He let them see the flower.
"I remember one of those growing in Sunnydale right after the mayor died," Willow said. "Buffy stepped on it and I pouted about it because it was pretty and rare. What does it do?"
"Draws energy to it suck up and radiate," the male harvest god said. The others came over to look at it and tell them what it was and how to deal with it.
"Killed by fire, sword, smooshing, or blowing up? Or magic?" Xander asked.
"We're not sure," Hadi, who was a native demon garden goddess, admitted. "We've only heard stories of it, Xander." She looked at him. "What did you do? I usually barely feel you."
"I picked up some fruit from a market and someone's priestess yelled that one was sacred," he said with a point at that goddess. "But she was snotty and I had already eaten it so I kicked up some dirt and planted most of the core. That plant came from the seed I stepped on. It came up in about a day. The other one is from the same seller, who said your special plant crossbred."
She hummed, sniffing it. "Oh, that's delightful. I must see if that means they can grow down here." She looked at her new plant. "What did that one cross with?"
"Lemons."
"Awww. That would be a nice taste together."
"Tasted like lemon curd pie." He grinned. "I was hungry, it was breakfast. Sorry if that upsets you though."
"No, you cannot help it if you did not realize. And it's nice you're so good to us, dear." She patted him on the cheek. "What did Perisis want?"
"Xander babies," he said dryly. "She's in a box in a vault near her ex-boyfriend. Or maybe Kurt."
The goddesses all moaned that name and nodded. Perisis would adore being laid by the ultimate God of Pleasures. "When did we get him?" Willow demanded, looking at Xander funny.
"When he wanted me to be his cocksucking baby mama. I totally flipped him over, made him beg, and then offered him a chance to go teach the girls sex ed." He grinned. "Giles got mad at that so put him in a vault."
"Oh, that one. Yeah, I remember him." She sighed. "He was good at factual information." She shook her head but was smiling.
The witch looked at her. "Really, Willow?"
"Hey, I'm not getting any! He was very good at saving me finding a good girl talk for the girls. And he had a really smutty mind that used to give me great dreams." The witch sighed but patted her on the arm. "So how do we deal with these things, guys? Can I magically suck them dry maybe?"
"Only if you want to die from radiation," Hadi said. "Xander couldn't even do that, Willow." Xander shrugged. "You really cannot, dear. Even you can't hold all that." He put his necklace back in place with a grin. "Much nicer, thank you." She looked at the others then at D'Nar. "Is there other news?"
"My idiot brother woke up?"
"Yell at the archeologists," Xander quipped. "They kept bothering that temple when I told them it was off limits and dangerous. No one even had a whip or the hat." Willow moaned, shaking her head and swatting him. "Hey! Easy! I had to take out the people who had Sal yesterday so I'm sore." The witch looked at him. "Humans. A group like the NID who had been HYDRA adjacent, basically paid minions in a side company. They're gone. I got a 'good job' from a general who hates me too." He grinned. "Sal's with Nort's people until I pick her up tonight."
"You need a vacation," the witch said dryly.
Xander smirked at her. "Then you'd better find me some help since I'm the only watcher down here. There's two retired. One's sick and can't back me up anyway since he can't walk. The other's kinda genocidal about anyone not whitely British enough. Him, I'm trying to find a way to get him arrested legally."
"Symon Marth?" she guessed. Xander nodded. "Yes, he should be. I'll check to see if there's other warrants."
"Not yet," he admitted. "I talked to the locals about him and they're looking for one to show up."
"Gladly." She looked at Willow.
"I can find something I'm sure," she agreed happily. She grinned at Xander. "I can find a warrant."
"Have fun with that. Do it for Petrie in Asia and South America, whichever one he's in this month."
"Already working on him too," Willow assured him. She looked at the pot. "What happens if someone like me does suck up some of the energy?"
"You become tainted like your watcher is," Hadi said dryly.
"Xander had radiation sickness when Sunnydale fell in," Xander quipped. "And when he went on his roadtrip to Oxnard. That's why I have the shielding necklace. They're still cuddly and each time I get cuddled I feel like they're trying to make me pregnant with their energy."
"It's kinda neat how we can track him around Cleveland by how the hellmouth leans toward him. Though we all freaked out when he got mugged that once and it tried to help him." She grinned at Xander then at the gods. "If he's used some, they'll all try to cuddle to top him back up, even though his own will grow slowly."
Xander nodded. "It is very weird but helpful and I'd miss it if it was gone. Some nights I'm my own nightlight."
The coven witch squeaked. "Really?" He nodded. So did D'Nar. And Nort when he appeared with Sal. "Oh, Lord." She bowed.
He waved a hand. "This one was trying hard not to pout at my altar tree."
"I said I'd be back for her tonight," Xander quipped, giving his slayer a hug. "This is Lady D'Nar," he said with a point then introduced the rest to her.
Sal smiled and waved. "Hi! I'm future Slayer Sal. It's pleasant to meet you." They smiled and waved back. "Is that the bad flower you found?"
"Yup. And it's apparently super dangerous."
"It's pretty so must be deadly. Plants are like that," she told him, looking very serious.
He hugged her. "I know. So are some people." She giggled, hugging him.
Willow came over. "Hey, Sal, I'm Willow. This is Eira, she's with the coven."
The girl's eyes got very wide. "Oh! Is it a super bad flower? I can hide since I'm not old enough to fight yet."
"Not that bad. We're seeing what it is and how to deal with it." The girl relaxed and smiled again, nodding. "You seem like you're a very smart little girl." She patted her on the head. "Don't play dumb like Buffy does all the time." She went back to the flower conference.
Sal looked at Xander, who smirked and nodded. "She does play dumb to throw people off."
"I guess that's bad then." She cuddled in on his lap, yawning to fall asleep. The witch sneezed and she disappeared with a squeak. "Oh!" The two big girls there stared at her oddly. "A witch sneezed!"
One of the girls smiled, squatting in front of her. "I'm Slayer Katya."
"I'm future Slayer Sal!" she squealed, hugging her. "At least you're not a bad girl!"
"No, I'm not a bad girl. You can hang with me and Yani until someone figures out you're here. Which witch was it?"
"I was with Xander with a few Goddesses and a God over a plant but there was a Willow there and a Witch Eira."
"We can call Xander to make sure he knows you're here." She did that. "I have a tiny slayer." She looked at her. "We can make sure her booboos aren't hurt, Xander. Sure, we can future slayer sit until you guys deal with the evil flower. Thanks."
She hung up. "The witch sneezed because the flower was trying to claim people to own." Sal hugged her. "They're fine. It didn't even want Xander, it wanted Witch Eira. Willow's probably pouty about that." She cuddled the young one, bringing her back to teach her about patrol planning since that's what they were doing.
They'd get to hand her off to the other slayers nearby while they went on patrol and Xander got less radiated.
***
Xander handed Sal back to her aunt, shrugging a bit then wincing. "She was all cleaned up and healed. Then a witch sneezed so she visited some of the senior slayers by accident. But it did get her away from the bad flower we found that was radiating so hard and trying to claim people. So she's safe, healed, all that."
He patted Sal on the head. "Go play." She ran off to check her farm animals while Xander got glared at by her aunt. "I had nothing to do with that. I was going to pick her up from the healers that night but God Nort brought her to the meeting over the flower I found growing inside a hellmouth. I was asking some garden and harvesting gods about it to see if it was evil, which it was, and how to kill it."
"Was she exposed?"
"No. I made sure. Then a witch from the Devon coven we called in with Willow sneezed due to the magic growing. It sent her to Senior Slayer Katya. They watched her when they weren't on patrol and then Yani's mom and her cousin who's a slayer babysat for a bit." He grinned. "She did learn something from them though."
"Fine. Is she healed?"
"Yeah. All the stitches are out and she's fully healed. Nort's healers had gotten most of them but a few still had stitches. Those have been removed. All but one that I couldn't get. She's picked it open and gotten one side out but not the other. She insisted because she hated me doing it. It'll fall out or dissolve in a few days at the worst."
The aunt nodded. "Fine. As long as she was safe."
He grinned. "Katya's the senior girl born in Russia. She probably taught Sal about how to overthrow a communist but otherwise she was okay. They said they worked on some reading stuff, some math stuff, and her cousin said that they went over laundry instructions with modern machines. They were learning how to use their new high efficiency washer. She helped them plant tomatoes."
"That's fine, Xander. Are you staying to work with her?"
"No. I've got a battle in two days," he sighed, then grimaced. "I feel like I got sucked by a whole pack of succuba again but it's not supposed to be too bad." He grinned, hugging the tiny slayer. "Be a good girl. Check with me on Friday." She nodded, going to hug her aunt. Xander winked at her then left to go handle things.
Sal looked up at her aunt. "Is my father all right?"
"I have not asked. We can call tomorrow. Tell us what you learned from the older slayers." She babbled, grinning as she told her about the older girls she had hung out with. She had helped another slayer on the bulletin board pick out her wedding dress too. Her aunt was amused at the hyperness but it was good she was happy after what had happened.
***
Willow looked at the person logging her in for voting. "I'm also supposed to vote here for the magical people's stuff," she said quietly, handing over that voter's ID card.
The poll worker looked at it. Then up at her. "Dear, there's no separate government."
That person waved Willow over. "You do that with me, Miss Rosenburg. Do your normal election first." She nodded, being taken to do that.
The poll worker came over to stare at him. "There's a shadow government?"
"We have things that don't deal with yours. The rules for the magical community are a lot different. Most countries that have a magical community big enough to need our own schools and stuff does. MaCUSA is ours here."
"What are they responsible for?"
"Just the magical community in the US. There's a few regional councils and our magical congress and president. Who does back up the US president but isn't in the line of succession at all."
"Why would you do that?"
"Because until recently we were all hidden, dear. We didn't go out among your kind at all if we could help it. We have our own parts of cities we've walled off so you couldn't find us." He smiled. "That kept us safe from people like witch hunters and other groupies. Our schools are magical people only. Consider it like a cultural enclave only there's multiple ones around the US.
"Every major city has a section of us and a shopping area. Some have smaller day schools instead of the bigger boarding academies. We have our own rules because we have to worry about things like changing people against their wills and things. Usually we don't let witches like Rosenburg join us as they use a different form of magic most of us didn't even realize about. So we have our own rule setting body."
"Can't you integrate them now?"
"No." He shook his head. "Some of our people are farther behind the times than the current ones. England's community is still stuck in the Victorian years." Willow walked over. "Your kind of witch uses covens."
"We do. There's a few higher covens who're set up to be overseers of problem witches doing things. The Devon coven in England. They don't set rules but if you break the natural laws they get you for it. I had no idea the US had the MaCUSA."
"They wouldn't have let you anyway, Rosenburg. It was wand users only."
"Point. Can you use both?"
"Not that I'm aware of but I'm not a geek. I just teach english at a day school." He grinned, taking her voting card to sign her in and then let her go vote. He looked at the other poll worker. "It's been this way since the US started, dear. We didn't have a dual one during the civil war, and we tried to stay out of it, but we did back up the legitimate government of the US. As we do now. Our laws are on top of theirs."
"Oh." She grimaced. "That seems very weird."
"Yes but we were hidden for our own good."
"Still weird." She went back to her seat to sign in the next person in her district. How did that impact politics for the regular sort? Were they supposed to vote for both elections going on?
***
Willow looked at a teacher a few days later. "I looked it up. She was right. The magical community takes their own census and they registered two-point-eight-one million people." She handed over a copy of that. "So she's right about the population density in the US."
"Why aren't they on the normal one?"
"Because the magical community was kept hidden for their own safety. You're also looking at the undercounting of the homeless population and transient populations. People who RV all the time and the like. People who're always on the road and live out of a bus or a truck. They may not have a home to be counted.
"That would probably add about another million people overall. Maybe one and a half depending on how they undercounted the homeless populations. Not to mention the demonic communities." She handed that over with a grin. "Which count for another sixteen million and a bit across the US."
The teacher read those over. "What if they're counted in the regular census?"
"The demonic community wouldn't have. That's not considered safe to let the humans know about your people."
"Oh." She slumped. "So that answer could have a few different ones. I'll give her those points for that answer back." She put those on her desk. "She has been an intolerable smartass today however. She talked about how Africa had cities."
"It does. A lot of cities. Each country has at least one bigger city and some are older than the important, historical ones in Europe." She grinned. "Our watcher down there, Xander, has seen most of the continent helping the girls and handling battles. He's sent back pictures. It's really based in racist ideology that we think Africa's all starving people that you see on the charity ads at three in the morning."
"I....I knew South Africa had at least one."
"Has at least three. Including Sun City, who we were boycotting when I was a little girl."
"I forgot about that." She frowned. "We consider them a lot of dusty plains areas."
"No. It's got a lot of those and a lot of forested areas, mountains, deserts, all sorts of geography and some of it is urban and some's really rural. I can dig up the pictures Xander's sent the girls from over there if you want."
"I'll ask that teacher. I was substituting today." She frowned. "Why don't we see that?"
"For the same reason that you don't see black women with PhD's the same as white guys with them?"
"Oh, that reason." She nodded. "Colonialism."
Willow nodded with a grin. "Yup. My parents had a talk down there and were horrified that the university was so large. They thought it was a small community college level college, not a national university. She said they had no idea they had colleges like that."
"Your mother's not very good at what she does, sorry but my opinion."
"Mine too," she agreed with a grin and a nod. "I sued them for putting me in the books." She shrugged and looked at the principal coming in. "If the social studies teacher wants, I'll gladly dig up the pictures that Xander sent back from Africa about their cities and towns."
"I hadn't thought about that. I was coming to talk about that though. He did?"
"Yeah. Xander's been over a lot of the continent training the girls down there. He's sent the girls pictures back from some of the cities and parks."
"Interesting. It'd be appreciated. Your girls have been noting exclusionary communities?"
"Well, the demon community is still very isolated. That's for their own safety. The magical community is a bit more open now but still very closed off for their own safety. So that does happen. A bit worse than cultural enclaves do but less than walled off usually."
The principal considered it. "I didn't realize that could happen."
Willow grinned and nodded. "The magical community has their own governing bodies. Up to the Magical Congress of the USA. I just barely got voting inclusion in that one this year. The demonic ones have regional councils usually. We work with a lot of them when there's a problem in their areas.
"Sometimes they even call in a slayer to help whatever the problem is. Faith had to tell one that was fighting a takeover to hold fair elections to make sure that's what the people wanted. Both of the sides got voted out and a new one got put in but it was locals."
The two shared a look then looked at her. "They could count on the human ones."
"Why would they count on the people who'd want to kill them all for being different?" Willow asked.
"Point," the principal agreed. "I can see that some day being combined." Willow shrugged. "I know, they're probably satisfied." She nodded. "Well, maybe we can have a talk about that with the kids next week?"
"I can pull up stuff for that," Willow agreed with a smile. "See if someone like Giles can come do that."
"Thank you, Miss Rosenburg." They shook hands and Willow let them talk. "I never considered the populations of enclave communities." She went to look some of that up.
***
One of the senators was on the news being a blowing, talking head. "We should not have various governments in the same country," he complained loudly, thumping his fist on the table in front of him. "It undermines our authority. There should be one set of rules for everyone."
The other person on the call was Xander and he was already tired of this. "Senator, what rules would you make for the beings who have to eat living flesh to live? Though most of them do get medical byproduct waste from surgeries, or from the kitten poker circuit, some of them can't do that and have volunteers from species that don't mind losing a limb because they'll regrow it.
"Or the magical community that can torture someone by waving a stick and muttering from across the room?" The senator was spluttering. "They were hidden for their own safety for centuries. In the magical community's reason, because people like you hunted them down for being able to do things you couldn't. And a lot of greed."
He stared at the other picture in front of him. "How would you make rules for species that if they touch a human they're poisoned and will die within days?" He stared at the horrified looking newsperson then at the senator again.
"They were split off and hidden for their own safety. Yes, they do often follow many of the laws in the US but some of them don't apply to their reality. Your reality is yours and that's all on you. You live your reality. They live theirs. The same as the slayers live their own that has nothing to do with you and your ways."
The news person looked at him. "The slayers get into a lot of battles."
"We get into more fights than anything. It's a brawl when you're fighting a vampire to stake them. Battles happen too frequently for our sanity sometimes."
"That would be assault if the vampires were living beings."
"Probably," he said with a nod. "And attempted murder or actual murder. But they're vampires and they're like roaches in most cases. If we don't take them out they'll take over cities and eat everyone in them."
"Do your girls fall under one of the other congresses?" she asked.
"No. We're under international authority really. In the US we follow mostly US laws. The ones in Lithuania follow their laws. And had to run from some politicians last night because they wanted her to be their figurehead and stick up for them. She pointed out we're outside all that political mess because we have to be. We can't just save the people that like us." He waved a hand at the other picture.
"I have no problems with the slayers!" he complained.
Xander pulled out a picture from the folder in front of him and slid it to the reporter with a smile. "We tape and take pictures of every single protest around the girls. Just to see how many are frequent whiners. I believe that's the other guest and he's holding a sign saying God hates the slayers and they should all be killed to purify humanity."
"It does look like it." She showed it to the camera, making him shut his link down but they could hear him swearing. Xander grinned at her. "You knew it'd be him?" He slid over the folder. "I see the last two protests' pictures."
"Yes you do. I'm sure you recognize some of the people in them." He grinned. "Most of the ones you'd have called on to talk about this would've been in those."
"They are. Is that a molitov?" she demanded, looking at the picture closer.
"It sure was. And about two minutes after that picture I used a crossbow bolt to break that bottle on him. He stomped off in a huff. He sounded like a frustrated damsel."
She blinked at him. "Would you say that if he was here?"
"I never say anything about someone that I wouldn't say to their face. I may not have tact or be classy like Giles but I will call a bigot a bigot to his face." He grinned. "What're they going to do, sue me for libel? We can prove it's the truth with their actions. If they try to beat me I can fight back. If they keep me from fighting back, I've pre-used a debt I was owed to come back as a vengeance spirit." He winked and got up. "You have a great day?"
"You too, Mr. Harris. Why are you talking to us?"
"The higher ups, not the senior watchers but the chess playing beings who pick the slayers, demanded I defrag some of the tension before it snapped. They wouldn't mind but they'd lose a poker bet or something. Then again, the Powers That Be are a bit cranked. They tried to tell me to run for an office." He grinned. "Even though I'm not old enough for a higher position and I have no idea how that works." He shook her hand and left, casually strolling out.
"I need to ask someone about the beings over the slayers apparently. How cranked are they and who are they making bets with?" The film went to commercial so she could call the Council house to see if they'd talk about those beings. Giles had Willow email her about the Powers and their ideas.
She brought it back while her fill-in was going on with her next planned story. "Thank you for filling in while I talked to the Council's higher ups about those beings." She settled in her seat with a smile, letting her fill-in backup reporter read that email.
"Oh, that's very interesting. So those Powers That Be are neutral beings who want balance. Huh. How does that hamper the slayers?"
She pointed at a section. "According to whoever wrote that primer, which says it is from the manual for the girls, they often ignore their desires. It notes that they've sent visions about some of the battles, but the slayers replanned it and made it easier to win without losing lives."
"We should talk to them about that."
"We should," she agreed happily. "I'd like to invite Mr. Giles on the show later this week." She looked at the camera and smiled. "Mr. Harris is a bit more hardline about certain things, but Mr. Giles is in charge of even him. So we should hear from him." Her backup nodded. "But anyway, we were talking about the newest scandal from congress? Which one?"
"The main one. There's rumors of wild debauchery." She grinned. "How bad was it?"
"Oh, it was so nasty we can't even show the film someone took during it. It's that dirty." Her backup reporter grinned at that idea. They went over that idea and the edited film from that event.
***
"We really must handle the problems that outing did to the community," one of the demonic congress people said to the rest of them. "We've only made him an enemy of this congress. We must punish him for that in other ways."
"If we do, other humans won't follow it and may try to help him," another shouted from the back. "Unfortunately."
"Can we extend it to his family?"
"His son was almost used as a victim. Many beings would protect their young, even if it meant destroying the universe," the head of the congress said then sighed. "It's noble he was trying to contain the damage done. We should be going against the demon who showed up and outed the community for real, not the human. He had good intentions but bad intent. The demon was just a moron."
That speaker nodded. "I can see that. Is it still alive?"
"He's hiding by the immigration point in Switzerland. They won't let him leave." The head of the congress smiled at him. "They do not wish to extradite him. Yet. We have asked. They will allow those communities most hurt by his foolishness to come gather him for trials but won't send him off."
"Which is reasonable because anyone they'd send to make him appear would probably be needed to guard that colony," the speaker said with a grimace. "Can we agree to help the communities that need it to punish him?"
"I think we have. You were laying an egg then," the head of the congress said dryly. That one nodded and went back to her seat. "Any other motions today?" Someone tried to kick in the door but their guards got them. "What was that?" she called.
"Human idiots," one of their guards called back.
"Oh, dear. Let's all evacuate calmly and safely," she announced, banging the gavel.
A guard leaned in. "That's not possible. They have the building surrounded. We'll evacuate you when we can." He closed and locked the door from the outside. Then he made a call to hopefully get help. That one called the slayer house but slayers didn't deal with people.
Xander...he dealt with people for the slayers. He got sent by the witches once he had a few weapons and laid into a few of them, staring at them. "Really? Here? On the demonic congressional building?" One sneered and tried to hit him so he punched them. "C'mon then. I've handled mass invasions by idiot humans before. If I have to, I can do that."
He waved them on and a few more tried to attack him. Which gave agents time to get there to help him. Xander nodded at the first one. "Get the demonic congress members safely out of the building," he ordered. That agent passed that back and more agents showed up to help with that. Xander stepped on one guy, making him scream since he was standing on the new hole in his chest, while he shot at a few others.
"C'mon, bastards. You're nothing next to defending a Somali refugee camp." A few agents stared at him oddly. "Hey, Watcher Xander Harris, the guy training minis in Africa." He smirked at them. "They really are wooses next to terrorists." He spotted someone and shot him in the head. "Go me, I got a germ selling idiot. Ten good karma points."
He shot a few more of his people then got another human who had a kid hostage. That ended that problem. And most of the other ones since that guy screamed loudly. Xander put his gun on his shoulder, staring at the people the agents were arresting. "What was the bright thought, people? Not like it'd end the Demonic Congress of the US. They've been around longer than the human congress."
He smirked at one who he had only wounded, who whined and wiggled toward an agent. "Yeah, you do that." He put his gun back down at his side, looking at the agent staring at him. "The one I got in the head is a wanted germ doc. Wanted in three countries. He took blood from an ebola quarantine area on purpose and tried to sell it but no one wanted anything that nasty. After all, you can't rule a dead world." He shrugged slightly.
"Sir, who are you?" another agent asked, stomping over.
"Watcher Xander Harris, watcher over the girls in Africa who're training at home."
"I...." He licked his lips. "Have you had to handle such incidences before?"
"Including defending a refugee camp, yeah." He nodded. "And a few other battles too." He grinned a bit. "They really like to ignore I exist until something huge is starting then they call at all hours."
"I can see that." He nodded. "This building?"
"That is the congressional hall of the Demonic Congress of the US. They've been in control of the demonic communities since 1753 if I remember right. Maybe 1756. I only read it in a book once."
"Are you human?"
"I was born that way but I've been exposed to demon blood over the years." He grinned. "Why?"
"Wondering if you were one of their guards as well."
"No. They have a guard unit. It's mostly ceremonial but SWAT trained. They're probably holding the inside safe. I got told that these supposed humans were breaking in there to blow them up. Which would mean a lot of hell from a lot of communities. Including the slayers backing them up for taking out peaceful beings."
The agent in charge nodded. "That's good of them. Slayers should protect all peaceful beings I guess." Xander smiled and nodded. "Okay. Are you using standard bullets?"
"Yes. I didn't think I'd need silver coated or anything today." He checked his gun. "Yeah, typical regular ammo and I'm about out." He put the clip back in but didn't chamber a round to make the agent calm down. "I'm glad I could help. Let me go help them evacuate." He walked around some people, and on top of a few in his way. "Should've been better humans."
"God hates them," one whined.
Xander stopped to look at them. "They were here long before your religion got started. In fact, the Council has history books from back that far, taken down from oral traditions. You should see some of the demon cities they've found that predate humans grunting in caves." That one started to fake cry.
"Aww. Though you have to explain to your God why you don't care about the beings on his planet if you believe that way since you haven't taken care of the gifts he laid for you to protect." He gave them a pointed look before walking inside. "I'm sure he'll be happy to hear from you for once."
He found the right hallway thanks to the signs. "Okay, people," he said, making the guard team start and stare at him. "What? Didn't expect me? Slayers can't harm a human but I damn sure have before today." He put his sunglasses on top of his hair. "Let's get them clear. They need to go soothe their families."
"We're doing a search for bombs."
"Okay. I can stand here and look tough. Agents are outside cleaning up the mess."
"How are your minis?" one of the guards said.
"Pretty good. One's still very bouncy and trying to talk a goddess' main priestess into playing dollies with her sometimes." They stared at him oddly. He grinned. "She's near Minia's temple." That got a group 'ah' moment. "She sneaks over to like their flowers and help the butterflies or other bugs treat them right. The priestess is ancient but amused by her. So she's trying to get her to play dollies and have a proper tea party like the other girls told her about."
That got a few smiles. "She's very sweet sounding."
"Nope. She's a little hellion. Rode the family's goat to go visit the temple the first time and nearly lost it. Her mother tried to have her depossessed because it was clear some chaos demon had taken her daughter over." He grinned. "She's sweet but she and Ethan Rayne must have a similar devotion sometimes."
The guards laughed at that. Someone rushed in shouting and shooting so Xander turned and threw a dagger at him, making him fall down screaming in pain and wetting himself. "Hey, how're you today?" he asked dryly, smirking at that one. "Pleasant day for you?" The guy whined and tried to get the knife out.
"No, it can stay for now." He kicked the guy on the head. "We got another one," he bellowed toward the outside. "Back hallway!" An agent came rushing in. "I need the knife back if I can. I won it in a poker game that defended Angola."
"Gladly, Watcher Harris." He looked down. "He's an agent."
"He came in shooting at us," the head of the guard team said.
"I can see the gun. We'll put him up on charges too." He looked at Harris. "You're very dangerous."
Xander smiled. "Thank you! Usually I hear I'm way too normal." He beamed at the agent.
"Why would you?"
"Ask Buffy, she'll tell you I'm normal at the top of her voice."
"Ah." He nodded. "No, you're not normal, Watcher Harris." He handed back the knife and dragged the guy back outside to their boss. Who was glaring by the time he dropped the guy at his feet. "Harris had a knife."
"I can see that. He can be arrested and explain his dysfunction too." That got a nod.
"I was going to protect them," he whined. "The guards weren't stopping him at all!"
"He's the guy in charge of the young slayers in Africa," the lesser agent told him. "They were probably talking about the slayers." The guy whined at that. "He needs a bandage and specially cuffed," he called with a point. "Knife wound to the shoulder." One of the paramedics came to do that for him while they cuffed him so it wouldn't hurt that injury more than it was already hurt.
The bomb team got called in to look at the vehicles in the lot for the guard team since they were handling two in the building. They got everyone evacuated within a half-hour and relaxed once the mess was cleaned up.
They could relax and start a review of what had happened and how to make sure it couldn't happen to anyone again. Though the agents weren't aware that the demonic community had their own congress or the magical community had their own. It meant they'd need to make some rules to help guard those areas once they found where they were.
***
Xander had to show up in Cleveland, the witches had sent him there instead of home. So he sighed as he walked through the gateway. The reporters sent up a shout about him having weapons. He stared at them. "I was just helping defend the Demonic Congress of the US's building and people. Beyond that, I'm a field watcher, people. I'm usually armed for my own safety."
He opened the door. "Giles, the witches wouldn't send me directly home because I had to help defend the USDC building," he called. "They said I had to report to you." He shut the door again then looked up. "Okay enough?" They all heard someone not there sigh and he disappeared.
Buffy came out and looked around. "Did they send him back?" she called. The reporters all nodded. "Shoot! I wanted to know what their problem was." She went back inside pouting. "Giles, they sent him back already." She checked the news then went outside. "If it was at the human congress, you guys would be talking about it for months. Why is there no news coverage of that one? I'm hoping it's not because they're the demonic congress."
"We're here, not at the station, and only the supervising editors have that sort of power to decide which stories get covered," one told her. "What happened there?"
"We got a call from a poker buddy to get them some backup. Apparently a bunch of the sort that attack the girls now and then were trying to rush and take out their building. Slayers can't hurt people outside of self defense so we called the guy who could, Xander. He went to help I guess. I wanted a report and so does Giles. I guess we'll have to get one from the demonic news station." She looked at that reporter. So did the other reporters.
"He made a fine figure there with his gun and shooting humans trying to take out the USDC," she agreed happily. "Then when other agents came he told them what was going on and they helped. The Knight went inside to check on people and got one inside the building too.
"We overheard him telling one of the agents that one he shot was a germ person who had stolen ebola laden blood." She shifted under the continued staring. "The Secret Service is handling the clean up, everyone got evacuated to their homes, and most are being moved somewhere more secure as of the last update we've had from them."
Buffy nodded. "So Xander was really helpy. That's great!" She smiled and nodded. "I figured he'd run into guys like that down there too. I know he stopped someone making zombies for profit by throwing up in their fire. He told Giles about that during the meeting."
The reporter grimaced but nodded. "I'll look into that. I know some people rely on them to be a complacent guard force to beef up their numbers."
"Ewww."
"Yes, but some people are like that, dear," the reporter reminded her.
"I know but zombies are gross." She went back inside to tell Giles that. He was amused at least. No one had told him that they had called in for help or that Buffy had asked the witches to send Xander to help. The local demon news station was most helpful about all that incident.
Faith leaned in to look over the shoulder of a few watchers watching it with Giles. "He still looks hot with the gun too." She walked off. "Someone'll have him being a pinup again soon."
Giles glared at the doorway she had been in. "Don't tempt that thought!" he yelled after her. He huffed and let the news report take over their attention again. Xander had done good things, and in a decent enough way, but it would probably get him in trouble. Or he'd have to talk to higher ups in the political world again.
***
The agent sent to talk to Harris came back thinking hard. "If we had heard it was the demonic congress building, would we have acted faster?" he asked the supervisor he was to report to.
"They're still debating if that's our job," he admitted.
"Which means they all would've died. Harris was right. That would bring a lot of hell to the US communities." The supervisor winced at that reminder. There were already protests and the slayers were backing them up to make sure they were safe and peaceful. Only one being had thrown something at someone trying to provoke them into violence and Buffy had gotten him with a crossbow bolt to the thigh so he had quit.
"Harris said he knew we wouldn't really react fast enough to help at all. He was surprised we got there before it was all handled actually. And he also pointed out that since we weren't doing our job, he had to make it his job to handle it. It may be vigilante of him but he's used to handling battles and humans who're spoiled assholes as he put it.
"Right before he had to talk to a newly made general who hated that slayers are girls. Which Harris told him to cry to someone else about before he let them do it all by themselves. Apparently that general's boss had tried that and nearly lost his country so they won't allow that." The supervisor slumped, staring at him. "We're to guard the ones who rule the country. They rule their part of the country."
"Will he be stepping in again?"
"If they ask." He shifted his weight. "He had no idea it was going on until someone called him to ask for help for their congress members. They tried the slayers and one of them called him immediately because they can't handle humans."
"Charming. It could be considered illegal."
"To protect the rulers of a portion of the country? If they had been human and a part of our congress he would've been given some pointless papers to hide in his glove box of his truck, sir."
"Point."
"Not like we can combine the other two congresses. We don't have rules to deal with beings who can poison you by touching your arm. Or who could eat you if they're really hungry but made a decision to recycle leftover hospital waste from surgeries."
"That's still very gross to me but also true," he sighed. "They're debating it with the president."
"I'm pretty sure the president can point out that they do fall back to US laws and they're built on the back of US laws."
"Hopefully. Are you willing to go talk to their guard team?"
"Probably. It's not my usual job. Usually I'm guarding a single target. I can ask them what sort of backup they'd like to see happen without promising it. I'm sure they realize the US is full of people who'd like to see only standard, average humans. Which Harris is not. He's been exposed to demon byproducts thanks to them dying in battles he's been in." The supervisor winced. "Born fully human though."
"I didn't even think about that problem. That's going to complicate things certainly for him talking to doctors about injuries." He rubbed his forehead. "Go talk to the ones making decisions. Tell them what you've heard." He nodded, going to do that with his report. It was probably not going to help the fighting much but it might make some people see sense. Or at least make it more civil for a bit.
***
The First Lady met with the other two First Ladies, having them for tea. She thought it was fascinating and got them to talk about their communities and duties while she explained some of her odder ones. Including planting a vegetable garden for them and the nearby children. They all smiled and figured out how to work together on some smaller projects. When one of the Secret Service guards cleared his throat, she looked at him, smiling slightly. "Problems?"
"Just a bit dry, ma'am, but I'm not sure if that group would allow others outside themselves to help with that program. They're known to be isolationist and a bit racist." He looked at the other two. "The Rose Foundation isn't known to be that way and they're doing a mass planting project in one of the parks later this spring."
"That's not a bad idea and that other group hates me for not being very fair skinned," she said dryly. "They'll get over it." The guard nodded at that. She smiled at the other two. "Even if one insists that I'm actually a man because I have good muscles." They giggled and she grinned, sipping her tea.
She looked outside. "Oh, there's that dog again." She sighed. "Go home!" she bellowed and the 'dog' yelped but ran off. "Thank you." She looked at the other two First Ladies, grinning at them. "It really loves the roses outside that window for some reason. We've come in a few times and found it sleeping in that bush."
"It probably wanted to be scented that way," the magical community's First Lady said, looking at the other one.
"They're not much for scent but they do like flowers, they're soft and absorb their ...overflow."
Michelle smiled. "The local slayer called it a snot puppy when we asked her what it was."
"Yes, they do ooze a bit," she said, looking outside. "And it's back." Michelle sighed but waved her tea cup before taking a drink. "We can have it removed."
"Why? We have two stray cats and another stray dog that lives around the garden sometimes. The girls think it's cute. As long as it doesn't break an heirloom plant I'm fine with it and the husband said it was so ugly it was cute, and a dog he's not allergic to for once. Then he told the girls they can't beg for one like they've wanted a dog." She smiled. The others giggled at that.
A guard rushed in. "Ma'am, we've got a weird intruder in the White House," he said. "I need you three to stay in here," he said, nodding at the other two. "We have no idea who it is."
"Do we have a picture?" Michelle asked. He showed her from the camera feed. "Hmm. Is that one of yours?" she asked the magical one.
"No, that's a coven sort of magic user," she said with a grimace. "Block his hands, give him a headache. He'll fall down. He's supposedly into chaos."
"Thank you, ma'am." He nodded at them as he called that in and let them stay in that room. He came back ten minutes later. "He's down, he had information on something that's going to happen soon. We've called the slayers to handle it since it's supposed to be another invasion sort of problem. So nothing you three should worry about." He left them again.
They all sighed in displeasure but they could handle that. They were First Wives, they could handle most things.
The magical First Lady looked at the demonic one. "How do you address the senator with three wives? Is there a difference when you talk to them formally?"
"Some species do that. In his case, I call them First Wife or Second Wife. The third one is a bit touchy about that and her name is Hellen."
"Oh, okay. Thank you." She smiled. "They're going to be at a reception I'm throwing in a few days."
"I think they're coming to mine too," Michelle said, looking at her phone and nodding. "He has agreed to come to mine as well." She smiled. "You're both invited too of course." They smiled and compared upcoming meetings to attend. It did get so boring being them sometimes. They needed more people who understood what a bore so many diplomats and politicians were.
"There's one of the stray cats, ladies," the guard said. "It's been randomly friendly but seems to like men to pet it more." He pointed at the one slinking through the bushes to cuddle up with the snot puppy. They smiled at that and took pictures with their phones.
***
Xander got called in for the meeting over that upcoming apocalypse. "I hate to say it," he said. "But that's between two for me. One's possibly a reaction to that one as we have them listed as their ancient enemies. The first one is a realm that's probably running from a tyrant but they want to take over wherever they land.
"We *think* we can have them run through a second portal to get them somewhere more hospitable to them. The portal makers down here said they could. The third.... I have no idea. I haven't had that vision yet. I only see bigger apocalypse moments. Interestingly enough I've seen one about one of the slayers dating." He stared at Giles, who shuddered. "Did you talk to her yet? I had it again last night."
"I left it to Buffy but I'll talk to her."
"Have her call me like this," Xander said. "I'll explain it to her." Giles smiled and nodded. "Yours, use the artillery. They're shootable with silver or explodable. They're just tiny and fast."
"Can they be stopped by a freezing spell?" the head of the guards for the magical congress asked.
"No clue but they're not noted to be immune from magic. They have a close cousin species already down here but they're super peaceful. Like willing to destroy the government to get peace sort of super peaceful." That got a note taken. "They're not generally dangerous to anyone. Unless they really *want* to force peace."
"All right," Giles said. "I know of that species. They're not immune to magic but I don't think it'll kill them." He looked at the others. "The one we've had to fight in recent history, because it had been fed something that made it high, couldn't be killed by a cutting hex but a sword did work. So did the potion to slow it down."
"All right, so we may be able to slow them down or temporarily freeze them," that guard said with a nod, making that note. "How big are we looking?"
Xander snorted. "If it goes the way the other visions have shown? You've got *thousands* coming through in under ten minutes. Piling over each other to get out. Now, mine has been different. I keep seeing something standing behind them. Something in a cloak that covers their face pushing them to come. They're not that bright, unlike their cousins, so there's someone behind them." He sent over his vision's notes. "That's from mine. I'm the only one who's seen that portal."
"How right are you?" the demonic head guard asked.
"I've been off-time a few times because they pushed it back to discredit me."
"Shit."
"But I only see apocalypse battles and that's not as harmful as I usually see. So why did I see that guy in the back?"
Giles straightened up, staring at him. "You believe he's a problem?"
"I know he's a problem. I don't know *which* problem. He's behind that and the third one I'll have I think. And he's not that tyrant. He's not against him bluntly but he's not on his side either. The third one looks like a distraction. So does this one. If those ones eat all of a city it'd be amusing but take them years. They can each only eat a half a person a day. Even with ten thousand, LA has millions of people. They can't hope to use it to take over."
The three people shared a look then at him. "Which do you consider more important?"
"I'm not sure they're not all distractions. Well, the first is a timed one. They do it every so often on purpose. It's another case of 'we're going to release our people who have done us wrong so they can leave us to ourselves' sort of release from their prison. Generally of reformist sorts who want to structure social change."
"Great," Giles said. "Can we make them use another realm?"
"No. Their Goddess is down here. She's totally frustrated by that, and she's the one who warned me before I had any vision. Her telling me prompted that one." He grimaced, looking behind him. Then at the group again. "It can be managed with weapons if we have enough. I'm out down here outside the military people and they've seen all the visions.
"I share liberally with them about those things. They all think they're a diversion. Or at least yours and our last one. I don't know *why* though. None of us can figure out a reason. It's not for an ascending one, right?"
"No, no upcoming star events to promote one." Giles looked at his calendar. "Is there any celebrations coming soon?"
"Goddess Hannar is getting married next month. The girls all nicely sent her cute handmade cards." He grinned. "It's right before then because I warned her I was having visions for things about that time. She made sure it was before then because it'll be a small wedding. Only her family and some of his."
"What's she over?" Giles asked.
The demonic guard from their congress coughed. "She's a battle goddess, over spearmen."
Xander nodded. "And pikes and those sort of weapons, yeah. He's not officially over anything but he is a smith." He grinned. "He gave her a diamond spear for an engagement ring for her hair."
"Awww," Giles said, making that note. "Let us know if you take any notes from the wedding."
"Not going. Wasn't invited. I'm just playing external guard to make sure no one interrupts it. Her mom'll be there."
The demon guard shuddered. "Her mother's a war goddess."
"Her mother is their people's only war goddess," Xander agreed with a nod. "And she's supposedly looking for her sixth or seventh husband." Giles made that note. "Don't even joke," he said with a grin. "She thinks I'm cute like a puppy. One of the bigger slayers warned her that bad girls were drawn to me so she could protect herself and she told the slayer that I'm cute like a puppy but not that dangerous."
"I'd hope you're not dangerous enough to mate with a war goddess," Giles said as he made notes. He looked up. "Though we'd love for you to find someone to settle down with."
"Yeah, not likely. They all think I'm weird."
Giles nodded. "Sometimes you can be. Then again you read comic books."
"Hey!" Xander complained while the all three guards laughed at that. "Oh! Speaking of." He smirked at the guards. "I've seen the supposed hospital down here for the super villain sort. You guys realize it's down, right?" They all shook their heads. "Yeah, has been for months now. The people in charge are there but they're not exactly people in control of their own actions.
"Somehow SHIELD found out, told their people, and that's why that building collapsed." He smirked. "One sent me drugged candy. I sent it back without the centers in the candy and a nice note saying 'nice try but Andrew's done worse to me' and a lipstick kiss from one of the minis. They giggled."
The three guards sighed while Giles took off his glasses to rub his eyes. "Are you taunting them, Xander?"
"Yeah. If they come for me I can use them in a battle." He smirked. "Whole lot easier than getting a militia into it these days. They're all avoiding me like I'm against their ways and going to use them as cannon fodder." He smiled angelically.
The Secret Service guard stared at him. "You've done what, Watcher Harris?" Xander grinned and pointed at Giles so he looked at him. Giles sighed and let them see that video file. Xander waved and signed off since a slayer was whining behind him about being hungry and bored. At the end of that video he looked at Giles. "You have quite a person in him, Mr. Giles."
"Yes and most of the time we appreciate him but the girls still consider him rather normal." He smiled a bit. "The rest of us who're still sane worry about Xander's mental abilities sometimes."
"We can see why," the demonic guard said. "We appreciate him and his ways but he is a bit...wild."
Giles nodded. "It's where he's been down there by himself. I really do want to find someone to go send Xander on a vacation but we don't have anyone."
"If we find someone who'd make a good watcher, we'll send them over," the one for the Secret Service promised. "Before that one dies of it."
"Don't even tempt a higher being to do that," Giles warned but he was smiling. "The Powers over the girls loathe Xander because he helped change the ways they were trained and is a signpost of how wrong they were. He teaches the girls about self will and making choices for themselves. They will not allow him to die in a battle unless it's horrifying because that would make him someone to look up to."
The demonic guard nodded. "There's bets about him being the only one to make it to old age and dementia."
Giles smiled at him. "He'd be shocked if he did."
"So would we." He made himself a few notes. Then looked at the others. "How would we find out that shadowy figure to stop him?"
"I have no idea outside scrying," Giles admitted. "If he's magical he could feel that."
"Point," the magical guard agreed. "Though we don't usually scry."
"We do," Giles said with a smile. "Quite well. Willow can do it in most any basin now. She was brushing her teeth and scrying a few of the younger girls on a date in the toilet the other night until one called her complaining she was being creepy." The guards smiled but they could hopefully use that skill.
***
Coming Out of the Closets.