Don got woken out of a nightmare by his phone going off. "What?" he asked. He listened, sitting up. "They all good? Only... Look for a really old wood wardrobe, made out of ash and oak. It's a magically protected spot for the baby, Stella." He hung up and got dressed, hurrying over to Xander's house. Xander was being treated by paramedics. Don stomped up to him. "The baby?"
"Wardrobe." He looked at him. "It's timeless in there and has a calming charm so she doesn't try to get out if she needs to be in there. They didn't get that close to the house, outside trying to light it on fire, and it still would've protected her," he said quietly. "Can you...."
"Yup. You going to the hospital?"
"Nope. I'll let these nice guys clean up the mess so I can stitch it though." The paramedic stared at him. "I do all my own. I learned before going to train slayers in the wilds of the world."
"We do have a lot of good ER's in this city, sir," one said.
Xander nodded. "I'm sure but every doctor I've seen has tried to kill me." They snorted but finished the cleaning job for him. Xander grabbed his med kit and sat down on the front step to do his stitches. One of them watched him. He had a good hand. They added that to the form, letting Xander sign it. Then they left for their next call.
Don came down with the fussy baby. "She was not happy."
"I need to put new stuff in there for her to suck on probably." He waved his hand. "Let Daddy finish this, Belle. Then I'll cuddle." She snuggled Don, watching what he was doing.
Stella stomped over. "What happened and why didn't you call for NYPD help?"
He looked up at her, pausing his stitching of his arm. "There were four demons trying to kill one of the girls up the street. You guys don't handle demon crimes the last I knew. They had to be beheaded, and I'm pretty certain NYPD guys don't behead, they shoot. And hey, kinda my job." She scowled. "I had no idea that they were working with the mixed race demon street gang until they showed up to try to defend their 'boys' as they called them." He blinked. "They tried to set the house on fire but I kindly turned them into kindling." He pointed at the mass of demon bodies. "I need to burn those." He went back to his needlework.
"You could've gone to the ER."
"Every doctor I've seen in an ER has tried to kill me. No thanks. I'm pretty darn good at this after all this time."
She gaped. "What?" she shrieked.
"Hey!" Belle yelled back. "Baba!"
"No, she's not bad," Don said. "She's upset." He looked at his coworker. "Should've seen some of the ones he did on his chest and sides while in Africa. The first time he came home from there he had over sixty of them and he had done the majority of them."
Xander nodded. "Yes I had."
Someone cleared their throat. "Sir?" the demon said.
Xander looked up. "Here to bitch?"
"No. Not in the least, Mr. Harris." Xander grinned. "Are you all right?"
"Yeah. The fire only got a corner of the building. I was putting it out when the fire trucks got here. If they have families let them know they went down honorably?"
"I can do so. The local demon council wanted their bodies?" Xander pointed at Stella. He looked at her. "May we claim them?"
"From the morgue, tomorrow probably."
"I will tell them thus. One will dissolve by then." He pointed. "His kind do."
"I'll let the ME know that." She handed over her card. "I'm with the crime lab. I'm second-in-command behind Mac Taylor. He's a bit.... freaked out by you guys but I'm not."
He smiled. "Thank you. We knew you as the Beauteous Curled One but not your name." He bowed slightly and walked off calling that in.
Stella blushed at Don. Who grinned. "Your hair is very nice."
"Bye," Belle called frantically, waving at the demon.
He smiled and waved. "Bye, Belle." She smiled and relaxed. "We think it's charming that she's worried about people leaving her."
"That's because Buffy tried to and nearly didn't come back a few times," Xander said dryly. "While she was supposed to be babysitting." He finished up that cut and moved to the next one.
Stella stared at him. "Do you honestly think this is normal?"
"For the Council, this is pretty normal," he admitted, looking up at her. "We have things like this all the time. The two slayers up at their college got kicked out of the dorms because the demons kept trying to sneak in to take them out. They got tired of them hanging out their windows in the mornings. They nearly got kicked out of school because a professor decided to attack them in front of the rest of the class when they came in for Freshman English." Stella shook her head. "They come for me because I work with them and because I still carry hellmouth taint." He went back to his stitching.
One of the firemen walked over. "You nearly had it out, sir, and we've made sure it didn't do a lot of damage." Xander grinned at him. "You could've went to the ER."
"Doctors hate me."
"Okay. It should be all right to live in. We're not seeing any structural damage, just superficial to the siding. How did you do that?"
"Warding spells around the house. It took them nearly twenty minutes to get the fire started and it was burning really slowly as the wards fought it." He grinned. "Thanks for backing me up on that, guys."
"Not a problem, sir. Can we get a copy of those for the various stations?"
"Yeah. Call Rupert Giles tomorrow, have him get them from Dawn's green book in the library." He nodded, smiling and making that note as he walked off. "Thanks, guys."
"Welcome, sir. Glad we weren't needed for a more serious fire," one called back. They left.
Xander finished up his stitches and looked at his chest then shrugged. "I can bandage those later." Don snorted. Xander put on the bandages then he stood up and took his daughter back. "All better."
Belle patted him on the face then kissed him. "Baba bye-bye?"
"Yup, the bad guys went bye-bye. That's very smart, Belle." He walked her inside. "You're more than welcome to come take a statement, Detective."
"Thank you." She let Don pick up the medical kit, looking at it. "That's a mobile field hospital."
"It is," Don agreed quietly, looking at her. "He's needed it in the past for the slayers." He carried it inside to put up. Belle was sipping some milk from her cup while cuddling her daddy. Stella came in to take a statement from him about what had happened and why he had jumped in that way. Don calmed down and eventually fell asleep in the chair he was sitting in.
Xander walked out to answer the door, nodding him inside. "Shh. Don's sleeping," he said quietly.
"Cousin on my mom's side. He came over to help Belle since I was kicking some demon ass last night." He let him inside and closed the door. He stopped his wandering daughter, turning her around and pointing. "Go wake Don up and make him take a nap in a bed." She ran off with a squeal to pounce Don, who just grunted and cuddled her. "Don, I have a few spare beds," Xander said. "That chair can't be comfortable."
Don blinked at him. "If he's the new boyfriend I get to threaten him."
"He's not. He's an agent here to ask about some stuff."
"Oh, okay. Sure, I can nap on a bed. I'm off today." He took Belle up to help him settle in.
She insisted on cooing at him until he fell asleep again then she ran back downstairs to get cuddles for her good job. Xander did that. She looked at the staring guy. "Baba?"
"No, he's not bad. Like the lady yesterday, he's an agent."
"Oooh?" She smiled at him. "Oooh?"
"I guess. I have no idea what to do with kids." She pounced him to cuddle him, making him sit down. She grinned when she got his lap. "Sure, you conquered me." She snuggled in. He patted her gently on the back. "She's nice."
"She tries awfully hard sometimes," Xander said with a grin. "Belle, can we talk without help?"
"I can change you," he offered. She ran off cackling. "Let me...." Clint waved a hand. He caught his daughter to change and then let her play with her toys. He came back out to the living room. "Sorry. Sometimes having a daughter takes a lot of attention."
"It should." He stared at him. "Barney told you what?"
"That he had tried to kill you all so he could escape and none of you wanted to hear anything about us. That you'd probably try to kill me if you knew he had me."
"No, I would've probably moved closer."
"Sunnydale isn't exactly the safest place. As proven by our high death rate due to vampires."
"How did he get there?"
"No clue. Mom told me once he met her at a burger place in Iowa and they moved."
"Huh. So maybe before he killed my mother."
"I'm sorry. I had no idea. I wasn't going to mention it but all that attraction for those sort comes from him. Since I almost tangled with Loki once..... I thought you should have a warning."
"No, I wanted to know. Barney was a shithead," he said bluntly. "Who tried to kill me."
Xander blinked a few times. "Wow. It's not just us that're a bit weird and screwed up then." Clint snorted but looked happier. Belle carried in her doll. "Hi, Belle and Goat Girl." She bleeted like a goat, or tried to. "I know, that's Goat Girl." Belle snuggled in again.
"She's really adorable."
Xander grinned. "Thanks. I didn't expect her to come into being but her mom got my sample from the sperm bank and then died of cancer."
"No, she told me. I got to be there for the birth. I got to do all the freakouts I needed over being a daddy, all that. She's great. She's probably kept me alive a few times." He looked at her then at him again. "She's like a mixed blessing since she's a future slayer."
Clint swallowed but nodded. "I can see how that happens but you'll make sure she's strong enough to keep going."
"I will be, yeah." He smoothed down her hair. She wiggled down and toddled over to Clint, climbing up in his lap to cuddle him. "She's a great kid. Most of the time."
"I think all kids have those days." He patted her on the back, watching her flinch. "What happened to your back?"
"She decided to flip over the bed this time instead of climbing over the railing. Landed on top of her collection of doll cars and dolls. I woke up to her screaming and had to treat a huge bruise plus nag."
"I guess kids can do that. No crib?"
"She broke it. I went to one of those beds with rails."
"I guess that makes sense." He looked at her. "You should stay in bed when it's bedtime." She pouted at him. "Sorry but you should."
"Yes, you should," Xander agree. "Before someone tries to call CPS or something. Because I don't need that headache on top of the usual ones." He sighed, looking outside. "She sent a wolf instead of a deer? Great." He walked over to open the window and shoot it. He took the notes from it and then shut the windows. The wolf disappeared in a twinkling of light. He settled in to read it, blushing some. "Gee, but not my thing," he said dryly. Clint held out a hand. "The batty Asgardian sorceress."
"Someone told Natasha about that. She talked to your ex's about your file too." He gave him a look. "Are you superhuman?"
"No, I'm just a guy who jumped in."
Clint grinned. "I usually say I'm just a guy with a bow when they ask me that question."
"I hardly ever have to use my axe or my crossbow anymore. I kinda miss the old days of patrol when I got to use them all the time."
Clint stared at him. "That's weird."
"Patrol through a cemetery is a lot less weird than apocalypse battles."
"True I guess."
"Or warlords in Africa and Asia."
"That I know." Xander grinned. He looked at Belle, who was trying to climb him. He helped her sit on his shoulder. She cooed in his ear and patted his hair for him. "You're very nice to me." She slobbered on him but went back to petting him.
Xander smiled. "She's always good to new people. It's only me she gives hell."
"Yeah but you're her dad."
"She should treat me better than others."
Clint looked at her then at Xander. "So now what?"
"I don't know. We can have dinners and stuff if you want."
Clint grinned. "I could like that. Natasha fixed your file."
"She grabbed onto Natasha and tried to get her to flirt with me." Clint laughed, nodding some. "I suggested she talk to some ex's to get the files corrected since you guys had me being an idiot savant too."
"Not exactly and she did. She also fixed what Willow put in. Like the wrong birthday."
"I have no idea why she couldn't remember which day it was but that was her thing and even my parents eventually decided she was right." Clint snorted. "She's not much but she's like family."
"I have a few like that." He looked at the cooing baby. "Am I a puppy?" She giggled and slobbered on his ear again then went back to petting him. Xander shrugged. He had no idea. They settled in to get to know each other a bit more, with the baby's help. She really seemed to like Clint's hair.
Clint showed up at the land base that night, looking at Natasha. "The baby is really cute." She nodded, smiling slightly. "She petted my hair all day."
"She hugged my thigh a few times." Clint sat down across from her. "Was that supposition right?" He nodded. "Why?"
"I'm not sure. If he was alive I'd ask but he died in Sunnydale. Xander said he refused to leave."
"Seems fitting then." She sipped her coffee. "Now what?"
"I found out more about that sorceress. I asked." She nodded once. "She's a bit batty."
"It figures. Most of the ones who like him seem to be a bit...off. So are some of yours." He gave her a pointed look. "Can you two get along?"
"Yes. I think so. He doesn't seem too weird, no matter what he does for a living. I'm not sure if I could handle demons."
"He does have experience." She sipped her coffee again then took a bite of her dinner. "Anything else come of it?"
"The senior slayers called up to wish Xander a fake happy birthday. Only one of them realized it was fake but he thanked them nicely and let the baby babble at them. Then someone they had talked into it broke in and Xander shot him in the arm. Then nearly beat him to death before calling someone to handle his punishment. Apparently there's a local demon council to handle those things."
"That makes sense with how well they hid for centuries." She ate another bite. "Anything else come from the first meeting?"
"We ended up talking about weapons when the baby took a nap. He's got some strange tastes but it's nice. He has a really sweet favorite crossbow and axe."
She quirked up an eyebrow. "Axe? Like a battle axe?"
"Yeah. He's used it for years. It went to Africa with him on his second tour. He used it to behead a few bigger demons that were attacking a young slayer."
Natasha looked at him for a moment then stuffed her mouth. She would not smile at that. Yes, she could see the resemblance now.
"Don't even," he warned, trying not to smile. "I've never used an axe."
"No, I believe you used a tire iron." She stuffed her mouth again.
Fury stomped in. "What are you doing back here?" he demanded.
"I came to meet my relative," he said dryly. "Before he died doing insane shit."
Fury blinked. "You're related to Harris?"
"Turns out we are. Coulson ran the DNA for me and it came up we are half-brothers." Fury just nodded, walking off shaking his head. "I'll make a report about that sorceress later." He looked around then at her. "She's very fixated."
"If she comes down here, should we worry about you as well?" Natasha asked.
"Maybe. I don't think she's got my scent yet. I hope. She sent a nice note today about how she was missing him and how he could do many great things with her army."
Natasha looked at him for a moment then stuffed her mouth again. She would not comment. "Perhaps you should look at the newly updated file as well."
"I read it last night on the flight."
"I've added to it again today when three of his former girlfriends found me and took me to lunch against my will. Since they were helping I only knocked them cold afterwards," she said at his quirked up eyebrow and half smile. He pulled up the file to look it over.
Agent Hill walked in. "Barton, why are you here?"
"Meeting a relative."
"I see. What are you briefing yourself on?"
She blinked at him, trying not to be surprised. "I see."
He looked up at her. "I had no idea until that vision." He went back to it. He burst out laughing. "I'm hoping that's a typo?"
"Probably not," Natasha said. She drank the rest of her coffee and got up to get more. While she was gone, Barton burst out laughing so hard he rocked the table. Hill looked and blushed, walking off. "Indeed." She sat down with her new coffee, sipping it while Barton read it over. "I have one last paramour I'd like to talk to and I know he's in town. He was watching us at lunch earlier and smiled when I took his competitors out of his way." She took a sip and ate the last of her dinner.
He sat up, putting the tablet on the table to reread a section. "He did what?"
"He did a lot of things under that heading. Which are you speaking of?" He showed her. "Ah, that one is second under that heading."
"Where's the winner under that heading?" he asked.
"Six months later." He paged down and paused. She looked. "That's fifth or sixth depending on your scoring of zombie strippers riding zebras." He opened his mouth then closed it and went down a few more pages. He paused, staring at the incident that was simply noted. "They would not tell me what happened but most of them looked like they wished to cry about it. The only thing I've heard about it was that foreign governments offered him money, women, and a slight army to go away so they could not happen again in their country."
Clint casually paged back up. "I would too. I'm so nagging him about that." He texted Xander. He sent back a shudder and a laugh but the next text had a few simple sentences. He paged back down to add to that. Then he went back to the spot he had been reading.
She took his phone to read. "I would probably not want to remember that either." She handed his phone back.
"I need to be a fussy uncle sort. That way the adorable one is not warped by all that."
She nodded. "Yes, you should. You can teach her better weapons before she believes artillery is for everyone."
"Artillery?" he asked. "Where did she see artillery?"
"In his armory. Just in case something happens."
"I'll have to look when I go back tomorrow." He went back to reading. He paused then sighed and paged down. "Zombie strippers on zebras is worse than the hippos?"
"The hippos are after the strippers."
He looked at her. "You're sure?"
"Yes. You'll see why. That one incident, the one you mentioned, the fruit incident, then the zombie strippers and/or the goats."
He did a word search. The fruit thing made him almost laugh but he felt very sorry for Xander if the slayers heard about that. The rest... he needed a beer. He had to settle for Natasha's new coffee. "Bar?" he asked.
"I'll probably run into more of his former dates since they've heard I've been updating his file by asking some of them."
"Sure," he agreed. "Got anything?"
"In my room."
"Lead on. I heard you switched rooms again." She led him back to her bedroom so they could have a lot of drinks. Xander might just drive him nuts. Clint wasn't *that* insane so it had to be all the extra alcohol their father had drank between them. Or Sunnydale and Rosenburg, one of the two.
Xander opened the door as he walked past it, phone to his ear, Belle being held against his chest while she struggled and whined. He was nodding and grunting into the phone while he carried the baby into the kitchen. Clint closed the door and followed. Xander finally paused and looked at the baby then snorted. "Dude, don't make me put the baby down and take this into the office. You won't like the talk that comes after that. Yeah, I know but I've got a relative here."
"If that's one of the ones that took Natasha to lunch at gunpoint, I'm surprised they have bail," Clint quipped, taking the baby from him. "Is it time for your highchair?"
"Yes," Xander said. "Her oatmeal's in the microwave. Give it thirty seconds. Thanks." He walked off to his office, kicking the door shut with a kick.
Clint got the oatmeal out after it was done, letting her have the spoon. She smiled and stuck her fist into it to lick the oatmeal off. "That's a great idea for kids." Xander came back. "Something worse than the fruit, the goats, or the wedding of doom?"
"You know, I still have her seal.... oh, the one in Asia? Well, kinda. Yeah. One of my ex's is going on a major suicidal binge and he's watching things like _Singles_ while moping and writing my name over and over. I don't know why since we were only together for a few days."
"Are you addicting?" Clint quipped with an evil smirk.
Xander grinned back. "Not really sure." He walked off. "Belle, spoon."
"Dada! Pood!" she yelled after him, sucking some more oatmeal off her fist. "Pood!"
"I'm coming." He came back. "I'll make myself some food once you've eaten, like usual."
Clint stared at him. "Someone asked if I could do an inventory of your armory in case we needed to borrow sometime."
Xander stared at him. "Um.... no." He grinned. "If there's something going on up here, I'd probably be there while Don or someone took Belle out of the city."
"Okay," Clint said. "What do you have that I shouldn't know about?"
"I'm allowed by Presidential order."
Clint nodded. "I read that." Xander grinned. "Seriously?"
"Yeah, seriously. Because I'm pretty sure we'll need some within a year for some reason or another. Not sure if it's yours and that vision or something that I'd usually have to deal with."
"Yup. Brad got me some things." He smiled.
"This ex wife of yours?"
"Is she alive? The last time I heard the government had killed her for her money making schemes. That was after I had walked off shaking my head and getting back here. I started to get it dissolved but I heard she got killed and her people told me it was all mine." He poured himself some cereal, holding up the box. Clint shook his head. "You sure?"
"I ate in the caf."
"It'd be nice to have someone to cook for me. And her messiness there." He handed over a paper towel, getting a grin from Clint. "You helped her make the mess."
"I did." He cleaned her up. Then he put her down.
She went to beg her father for some of his breakfast then ran to look outside. "Baba! Dada!"
"Tell the bad guy or whatever I'm eating. It's going to be at least thirty minutes. If they have a gun you can get it from them, dear."
"Baba! Mine!" she squealed.
"Xander," a male British voice complained.
"Yay," he called back. "I'm eating."
"Fine." He carried Belle in there, taking his gun back from her to put back into his ankle holster, the only one she ever went for on him, and handed her back. "Your sort called in a possible attack? The report was rather skimpy."
"Wasn't my vision," Xander said. "Who had it?"
"I don't know. It wasn't included."
Xander called Giles, putting the phone back between his shoulder and ear. "You guys called in a report to MI-6? It was missing stuff." He handed over the phone and went back to his breakfast. Belle got another bite and grinned at him.
"So, she's got a fifty-fifty chance of being right," the agent said blandly. "She's called in two there before."
"You guys complained because you didn't find the attack last time," Xander said dryly. "They've been attacking the foundation of that sorority to get women out of the revered halls because women are not the sort that should be in those hallowed halls," Xander said in direct imitation. "Them and the former Council people both think that women are worthless for more than cheap sex that they have to pay for and bearing babies from cheap sex. And having a cold wife that you lock in another part of the house for show to prove to society you like women." He ate a bite of cereal.
The agent looked at him. "All women at Lord's College?"
"All women at any college," Xander said. "Anything like a high school, a middle school.... to them, women should be ignorant and have spread ankles whenever ordered to but should protest because they're 'good girls' and not sluts."
"Ah, that sort," the agent said. "Just that one college this time?" he asked the phone. "Thank you, Mr. Giles. You have a pleasant day as well." He hung up and handed the phone back then removed Belle from his ankle holster again. "You may not teeth on the butt of my gun, Belle." Xander handed her his spoon, making her cackle as she tried to dig the gun out. "Or do that. Thank you, Xander." He handed the baby back.
"Bye," she said, waving.
"Bye," he said patiently, waving back so he could leave.
Clint smiled. "She's such a card."
"Yes she is. Quite often." He looked at her. "Go get your doll? Please?"
"No!" she said with a sweet smile. "Baba!" She pointed the spoon.
Clint took the spoon. "Show me the bad thing, Belle. Let me see it." She ran off and he followed. "Xander, she's back."
"Wrong batty redhead with an issue."
"Willow should be in another country before Homeland gets her. She's on the terrorist watch list now."
Clint said that to her. "I fixed that," she sneered.
The British agent walked up behind her and grabbed her by the arm. "Miss Rosenburg, so we meet again." He walked her off. "Let's go talk about your role in how some agents became animals again last week."
"It wasn't me!" She struggled.
"If you keep it up, I will knock you out," he offered. "You will wake up somewhere that not even Xander can save you from." She tried to magic him but he had learned about anti-magic protections. She tried another one. "That will not work." Two cars sped up and stopped, discharging agents. "Gentlemen."
"Sir, you're with...."
"MI-6. We need to have a talk with her about some agents who are now animals."
"As do we. Can we share?"
"Yes. I believe we can. Are you warded against her magic addiction?"
"Yes, we are. Most of us have went to people to have them permanently inked on."
"My wife's one and she made sure I'm fully protected even against this witch," the other Homeland agent said.
Xander walked out with a heavy gun in hand, looking around. "Guys, take her and go please. Clint, please grab Belle. She goes in the wardrobe in her room." He spotted it. "Move!" he shouted. The agents ran with Willow.
"I can help!" she shrieked. "It's my job, not Xander's!"
"Shut up, Willow. It's coming for your ass anyway." The demon appeared, staring at him. "You're on the wrong plane."
"The witch is ours," he sneered.
"Too bad but we need her to turn the agents back from animals. Now, can you go and wait your turn? I think there's a few governments in front of you."
"Pity. Move, Knight." Xander sneered. "That will not harm me."
Xander snorted. "You sure?" The demon moved closer, manifesting a sword. "Clint, could use my axe maybe."
"Sure," he agreed, coming out with his bow, tossing Xander his axe. He pointed an arrow at the demon. "It's explosive. You will lose."
The demon stared at him. "Are you his newest date?" he asked politely.
"No, I'm his half-brother."
"Oh," he said, staring at him. "Oh, dear."
Xander grinned. "A few of them have said we're a bit alike."
"Yes, you are. It's unfortunate you'll both die. Is the baby safely stored in her special wardrobe?"
Xander stared at him then shot him in the nuts. "Why?" The demon was whining. "I've killed two of you in the last five years for wanting me. You're next." The demon lunged. Clint shot him, and it hurt him but Xander beheaded him. The head started to grow a new body. Xander lit them on fire. The demon shrieked but it burned up. "Bye now," he said with a grin and a wave. "You have a great future life. Before I do something magical and make you Willow's future kid."
"You will not!" Willow shrieked.
Clint threw something at her head, knocking her out. "Welcome," he quipped with a grin. "Have fun with her. SHIELD would like her when you're done."
"Sure," they agreed. "Who're you?"
"Clint Barton. I'm with SHIELD."
"Oh," the MI-6 agent said dryly. "I've heard about you." Clint grinned. "Nice work in Switzerland last year."
"I had to be a bit creative but it all worked out in the end."
Xander looked at him. "Was that when I had to set that fire?" he asked.
"No, that was a week later," the British agent said dryly. "Though we would like to talk to you about your former wives."
Xander looked at him. "I don't consider myself more than a wanted paramour. I'd never go to a real marriage tied up. If they can't woo me first, then they're not worthy of me." He waved a hand in the air.
"Good point of view with some of the ones you've dated, but we'd like to know if they're alive."
"As far as I know, all four of the ex's who decided I liked bondage during rituals are all dead."
"Including Bert?" one of the other agents asked.
Xander nodded, smirking at him. "Yes. I'm quite sure he's gone. He nicely took me on a honeymoon to his mining operation. There had been a big sieve to sort things....."
"Enough said," Clint said dryly. "I saw that mess." He patted Xander on the back. "I'll see if Natasha likes to date."
"She said she doesn't date casually."
"Not usually. I'll see if she'll make an exception." He patted him again. "Go get the baby?"
"Sure. She loves my axe." He leaned into the house. "Belle, it's okay. You can come out now." She ran down the few stairs and pounced him, cooing at his axe. He carried her out, letting her pet it and kiss it a few times.
Clint smiled. "That's so adorable." He took footage with his phone. "Belle?" She looked at him. "This is a bow. It's my bow. Would you like to learn about bows?" She cooed and jumped at him until he caught her to teach her about his bow and how bows worked. She kissed it too. She loved her weapons. All the agents smiled at her for it. Willow was glaring as she woke up but the agents stuffed her into a car and drove her off to deal with her again.
Clint walked back onto his post in New Mexico a few days later, handing his phone to Coulson as he walked past him.
He found the new videos and watched them, a hint of a smile on his face. "She's great. Did you get your bow back?"
"It took me a few hours but yes I did. She still has one of my regular arrows."
"Wonderful." He watched the other videos, nodding slightly at one of them. "If he's dating them at the moment, we really should save the baby from them."
Clint looked at him. "They all think she's *adorable*. They'd love to protect her for Xander for a few days if necessary and most of them are willing to adopt her if they end up with Xander in a more permanent manner. But he has noted that leading him to the altar in chains or ropes means he'll destroy them and then play grieving widow. The more they've pissed him off, the worse he is to their network of people. There's been four of those but most people learned after the first."
"Wonderful of him." He watched the last video, cracking a real smile but clearing it off quickly. "How did she not catch you filming that?"
"Hidden camera. She thinks she got all the footage erased." He smirked. "She also sent back a note to the batty sorceress on Asgard to tell her Xander had been claimed." He took his phone back before walking off.
"Hopefully that will help."
"Homeland has Rosenburg."
"She turned some MI-6 agents into animals again."
"Charming," he said sarcastically, walking after his agent to see if he had anything else to report. "You were not in New York yesterday?"
"Xander told me how to get to his old house in Sunnydale. It was still standing, barely, and had a few things in there. I got the pictures and made sure it was true."
"I ran the DNA," Coulson said quietly. "Can you two be congenial?"
"Yeah, we get along great." He grinned. "Belle still wants Natasha to flirt with him." He smirked. "She crawled up in Nat's lap and cuddled her then patted her chest and grinned at her father like 'look, dad, boobs'. Natasha was not amused but Belle cuddled into them and looked up at her then called her mama. She freaked so hard but Xander saved her from the cuddly baby. When she came back from the bathroom and calming down, Belle cuddled her and cooed at her, patting her until Natasha read to her.
"She would not leave Natasha alone. She tried to go home with her, tried to play with her guns, tried to get her naked for her dad." Coulson cracked another smile. "Nat praised her for getting her bra undone without letting her realize it but Xander was just embarrassed. Xander had to tell his daughter that he liked being wooed and hunted, not having them delivered naked to him by his daughter. Natasha said she'd tell a few that might interest him. He thanked her."
"You can do the same if you know someone."
Clint looked at him. "Remember that guy in the mine?"
"He decided Xander wanted to marry him. That was Xander's way of dealing with him."
"Ah." He walked off nodding. "Did you get him to do a report for his files?"
"No. It got to the point where I might be horrified or have to best him."
"Please don't," Coulson ordered. "Go back to your post, Barton."
"Yes, sir," he quipped, heading up there.
Coulson sent an email to Natasha to get a report on what had happened. She sent back a 'I am not putting it into any record, please erase any footage' from her. He'd have to talk to her later.
Xander heard the bad thing happening and grimaced. This was horrible. He had to call in an SOS. He went to see Don. Don was not happy today. He was scowling when Xander walked in. "Oh, please no," Don begged.
"I've got to go stop some idiots."
"I'm in the middle of a serial killer."
Xander looked then shrugged. "She likes the bar on eighth. She lives near there and she likes to start her hunting night there. She might still be in the closet."
"Thanks," he said with a smirk. "She try you?"
"She pissed me off when I was getting bad news about my half brother."
"Mind control spell."
Don took the baby from him. "How bad?"
"If we can't stop it, we're going to have an invasion here in the city and I'll expect her to be somewhere other than LA or Cleveland if you can?"
"I can do that."
Xander kissed Belle on the head. "Be good for Cousin Don. Daddy's going to save Unclie Clint and beat the shit out of the guy who thinks he'd make a great husband."
"Nana?" she asked, eyes wide.
"I'll get her if I can." She smiled. He patted her on the head. "Thanks, Don. Three weeks. You'll hear from me before tomorrow night." He left after handing over her diaper bag. He had a flight waiting and two ex's who were helping him. Because they didn't want to be slaves of the aliens or Loki either. They couldn't handle it but they were sure Xander could.
Xander found the idiot's camp and sneered. "No, not today." He killed the guards. They were probably controlled but he knew how much you remembered and hated yourself for it. He blatantly walked in and threw some sleeping gas grenades. He heard a clap and smirked, bowing some. "Bitch," he said in Norse. "You have my family. I want him back now."
"I doubt that will work," Loki sneered back. "Though I have a use for you."
Xander pulled something out and flashed him, making him scream. "The things you learn from a real viking chick who used to torture men," he sneered. "And you're not good enough for anyone in my family." He grabbed Clint when he attacked, slamming him into the wall and hitting him with the shot in his pocket. Clint struggled but he went out. You were never at your best when you're under mind control. Xander tapped his earpiece. "Now," he ordered. They ran in and one fired on Loki to keep him busy. He grabbed something and came out to grab Clint, walking off. "Don't touch my family again, Loki. You're not worthy of my family." He let the people he was working with get the scientists. "Guys, protect the geeks. They're under control."
"Yes, Xander," they reported.
Xander carried Clint off. "Let's go talk, bro. Belle's going to be very disappointed. She's still looking for someone to flirt with you." He put him into the plane. Clint came up fighting but Xander knocked him back down. "No, let's not do this. Belle will be *very* disappointed at me for this." The plane took off. "The others?" he called.
"Going to another safe house that SHIELD is putting up," the pilot said. "We're going to the place in New York, sir."
"Great. Anyone make other reports?"
"Not yet. The one with them?"
"Loki? Guy who thinks I'd be a great wife," he said dryly. "His dad too."
"Yeah." He checked Clint, handcuffing him. Clint tried to struggle but Xander smothered him a bit until he passed back out.
Xander looked over as someone walked into the warehouse he had rented. "Hey, Fury. There's my girl." He took her from Natasha with a grin. "Thanks. I'm still working on clearing the full infestation of Loki."
"We've gotten it from the others," she said. She walked over to where Clint was hanging upside down by his ankles. "Why is he upside down?"
"He told me how he'd be molesting me and then handing me to the rest of his security team then to Loki as a tribute." He rolled his eyes. "Loki and his father are both fucked in the head." He looked at his daughter. "Are you okay? Did you like Unclie Don?" She snuggled in. "I missed you too." He cuddled her, staring at Clint. "There's only three methods I haven't tried yet. The concussion method to knock some sense into his brain, or there's two other depossession rites."
"Can we try those first?" Fury asked dryly.
Xander looked at the baby then handed her to Fury before moving closer to work on the first one. He couldn't do anything to her with him standing right there. Clint screamed and fought but only some of the infection came out. Xander tried the second then nodded. Nothing. He grabbed a padded baseball bat and hit Clint on the head. "So we'll go with the pinata method," he said. Clint got knocked cold again and blinked at him. "Do I need to hit you again because you still want to rape me and give me to Loki as a tribute?"
"Xander?" he asked quietly.
"Yeah," he said dryly. "You back?" Clint blinked, rubbing his head. "Let me let you down."
"What did you do to me?" he asked. He yelped as he got lowered, catching himself on his hands. He unhooked his feet, noticing Natasha and Fury. "Sir? Tasha?"
"Loki," she said. He stiffened. "You're fine, Clint. He managed to free you."
Clint rubbed his head. "Is that why I have a headache?"
"Yup," Xander said with a grin. "It's the last method of clearing a mind that's been taken over. I tried sixteen different possession banishing rites first."
Clint blinked at him. "Thanks."
Xander grinned. "Welcome. Natasha, Sylvia's people have the scientists."
"They called," she said. "Thank you."
"He might still find someone to make his machine," Xander warned. "Because I saw the damn invasion again." He took Belle back. She reached for Clint. "Let him rest. He has a headache, sweetie."
Clint reached for her to cuddle. "Your daddy's mean." She cooed and petted down his sweaty hair. "Thanks, Belle."
Xander squatted down, looking at him. "It's normal to have urges, flashbacks, and really bad ideas," he said in Russian, staring at him. "The Goddess knows I did after the hyena took me over. I had a ton of urges to deal with people who annoyed me by beheading them with my teeth."
Clint blinked, nodding. "Good to know."
"If they happen, you can come talk to me. Okay?"
"Yeah, I get that." Xander stood up and helped him up.
Xander took Belle back. Clint realized he had been clinging to her. "Want to go have a beer?"
"Yeah, I do, but I think I need to be debriefed," Clint said, sounding a bit hoarse.
Xander grinned. "If that's what you and the paranoid nutjob director do in his office, that's okay. I accept that choice of yours and we'll welcome him into the family as long as he quits trying to put listening devices in my house."
Clint swatted him on the arm, shaking his head. "Not that way, Xander. I don't think he's had some for years."
Fury snorted. "You'd be shocked, Barton." He stared at him. "Anything that I need to hear right this second?"
"He's making a device to open the tesseract to bring aliens here to invade."
Xander nodded. "I saw an invasion."
Natasha looked at him. "I saw the notes you made on it. If we should have one, please step in wherever you think it's most beneficial and we'll take the weapons later. The slayers as well. I'm sure you can act as a small team."
Xander grinned. "Thanks."
Belle squealed. "Baba!" she said with a point.
Xander looked at the moving shadow and nodded. "That is." He handed her to Natasha. "Here, hold her." Loki appeared and Xander shot something at him, making him laugh and capture it. Xander set off the electrical component. Loki yelped and let it drop. "Morning. Welcome back to Earth."
"You are not worthy of one such as me, no matter what my father wants."
"Your father's a dick sucking woose," Xander said dryly. "With a lot more mental issues than a lot of witches I know."
Loki smirked. "He has never sucked dick that I know of."
"You'd be shocked at some of the rumors she told me about."
"How did you know one of us?"
"I used to date Anyanka."
Loki shivered. "She was a woman I could have appreciated."
"I nearly married her."
Loki smirked. "Maybe you're worthy of one of us."
Xander snorted. "You're not worthy of me. I require *skills* beyond being a badass."
"Yet you wanted my minion?" Loki snorted.
"No, he's my half-brother." Loki smirked and hummed. Xander shifted his stance. "What did you want?"
"I will have what I want."
Xander laughed. "There's plenty here that won't let you."
"Mere mortals can not stop me."
Xander laughed, a chilling sound. "Who says we're mere mortals, Loki? Do you really think I'm a mere mortal?" The god stared at him. Xander stared back. "Really?" He looked at something he pulled out of his pocket and snapped it closed. His phone rang. "Giles, I'm looking at Loki. He wants to invade the world with his alien army. Yes, for real, Giles. Like that vision? That was his plan. Here where I am. I know Willow's back, Giles. They told me she was." He hung up. Willow appeared with Buffy.
"Girls? You think to fight me with *girls*?" Loki laughed.
Willow glared. "Who're you calling a girl, Mister? This is the senior slayer Buffy." Loki snorted, looking at her. "And I'm Willow." She cast at him. Buffy moved to fight him.
Xander looked at Natasha. "Take her, take Clint, go," he ordered quietly. "He's going to try for one of them. Guard what's really important. Because her mom? Not exactly the most normal thing either." She nodded, helping Clint up and out with Fury covering them and getting agents to help move them. Xander walked over and kicked open a case. He walked back bouncing something in his hand. "Move," he ordered. Buffy and Willow both flinched but dove out of the way. He threw that at Loki, making him scream. Xander smirked coldly. "Hi. How are you today?" He stared at him. "By the way, that's a magic eater. The nanites in that were meant to be used on Willow to keep her from doing magic on someone." He stared at him. "I don't think you're going to be doing much for the next day or so."
"You had someone build that?" Willow demanded.
"No. I stole it from the guy who built it." He looked at Loki again. "So, what the fuck do you want with my family again?"
"Family?" Willow and Buffy asked.
Xander stared at Buffy. "You need to go guard someone else." He pointed. "Now." Willow sent her off. Xander looked at Fury, who had some of his weapons. Then he looked at Loki again. "Do you really think you're going to win?"
"Of course I will. I can disappear. My magic isn't like hers."
"No but I'm standing right here," Willow said, flashing magic at him to stop him from moving. That brought a lot of the coven.
"Witches?" Loki laughed. "You think to stop my magnificence with mere witches?"
"Mister, some of us have nearly destroyed this world," Willow said coldly. "We're not mere anythings." Loki stared at her. "I doubt we'd give you Xander."
"I can destroy everyone," he offered.
"I have three weapons within a block of here that I can borrow to do the same damn thing," Xander said dryly. "Yay!"
Loki stared at him. "You are more than I thought." He moved forward. "You could do much in my army."
Xander snorted, smirking at him. "I'd take over your army and fuck you up with them. Why would I want your pathetic army? I have higher demons who're willing to give me more for less of a commitment. Yawn, dude. You're not impressing me."
"Someone like my brother would impress you more?"
"Nope. Thor's much too clean boy for my tastes." He stared at him. "You're not bad boy enough for me either. Hell, if I wasn't related to Clint, Belle would've adored me dating him." He stared at him. "You're all smoke and mirrors and mental issues. I don't need more issues in my life." He walked off. "Ladies, this is Loki. By my last vision, he's going to have us invaded by his alien other-dimensional army."
"I don't think that's very polite," one of the coven said dryly. "He's not even a good clean bad boy. Pity." The witches and Willow worked together against him.
Someone pounded the door in and stomped in. "Unhand him," Thor ordered. "I am to take him back to face justice."
Xander looked at Thor. "Stand down, Shiny." Thor stared at him. "He kidnaped and mentally coerced my half-brother. He's ours first because we protect this realm. We work with slayers."
Xander snorted, staring at him. "Don't make me start on your dad again, Thor. I'm already having a bad day and do I really need to deal with you as well? You can have him back in a few days. After we stop the upcoming invasion. All right?"
"I would not have him tortured," he said firmly.
Willow looked at him. "Shut up." She waved a hand and turned him into a half man, half puppy. "Aww, the slayers would love you."
"He's Thor," Xander said dryly. "He's a warrior of Asgard. Yes, they would. I'd actually like a few of them to date someone nice like Thor. Though, turn him back before we start a war with his father, Odin."
She huffed but undid the spell. "Fine. Whatever. Let's deal with this threat. I have a date." She looked at Loki, changing him into a baby black goat. She picked him up and carried him off.
"Don't let anyone eat him like they nearly did me," Xander called after her. The coven all shuddered but followed Willow to calm her down. Xander looked at Thor and pointed. "That's Willow, the one the Enchantress reminded me of."
"I can see why. They do look alike," Thor said. "I should save him."
"Give it a few days. Let her get tired of cleaning up after a goat and turn him back."
Thor grimaced. "I would still rather have him be around so I could make sure he is not overly tortured."
"Willow's going to the hellmouth in Cleveland. The main slayer house is there."
"I can get you there," Fury promised. He looked at Harris. "Who the fuck are you?"
Xander grinned. "Just Xander. Ask Buffy and Willow."
"How in the hell did you do all this?"
"I asked a few of my ex's for help. They like that I have nice family that they can try to talk into giving permission to seriously woo me. A lot of them are very old fashioned that way. If I'm more than a one-night stand to them, then they'd need family approval and didn't want to ask Willow, Giles, or Buffy."
Fury rubbed his eyepatch then looked at Thor then back at Xander. "So your ex's all did this?"
"Aren't you supposed to be protecting humanity, Harris?" he demanded.
"I protect humanity from demons just fine, Fury. There's plenty of agents who protect people from my ex's." He walked off. "The ex that's CIA will probably be here soon to clean things up with a fire." He grabbed a few things and walked off then came back for the rest of the weapons. "Just in case I need them," he quipped before walking off.
Thor looked so confused. "He was not that angry when he was on Asgard as a hostage."
Fury looked at him. "He hasn't had sex recently apparently." He walked off. "C'mon. I'll get you to Cleveland so I can go capture Rosenburg before she destroys the world again."
"Thank thee for the ride, Director Fury." He followed him. "Has anyone heard from the Lady Jane Foster recently?"
The two minions in the corner who had taped all this for everyone else looked at each other. Xander really needed some sex. And maybe even some spoiling. Since Belle was out of the area for her own safety.... Their boss might like that.
Xander looked up from the massage table. "What?" he asked Natasha.
"How did you do all that?"
"Do all what?"
She snorted. "Don't play dumb. I hate it when your brother does that."
Xander grinned. "I do it the same way your boss does only I don't pay my contacts, I owe them favors."
"You would exchange *favors* for such things?" she asked.
"I'm a practical man, Agent Romanoff. Do you really think I'm going to balk at getting a great massage because the guy who helped me rescue my brother wants to have dinner, some dancing, and then some sex?"
"No." She stared at him. "The baby is at daycare." Xander grinned. "We have guards on her, on Summers, and on the goat of Loki. His brother is still not amused."
"Neither was I." He went back to his massage. "I'll pick her up for dinner."
"Thank you." She left, going to report that to Fury and Clint. "He has a date tonight due to owing someone a favor to free Clint."
"I don't want him to do that," Clint said.
"He said he didn't mind."
"Still!" He texted Xander, who sent back 'he was getting all the good out of it, including sex'. "Okay," he decided, putting his phone up. "Sir?"
"I'd like you to go calm your brother down but I doubt you can do that, Barton," he said dryly.
"Why? We can't," Willow said as she appeared. Natasha knocked her out since she was behind her.
"Thank you," Fury said. "That's very helpful. What do we know?"
"There's a trigger within the tesseract. They needed stuff to activate it," Clint said. Fury nodded. "He had almost everything outside of what's in one vault in Germany. He was going to get me an eyeball so I could break into that vault for him. Then we were going to go to the helicarrier."
Fury considered that. "As a diversion?"
"That and to take out the people who could stop him."
"Who does he have now?" Natasha asked.
"Banner, and we need him back," Fury said.
"Xander had to use a bat to Barton's head," Natasha said. "Can we manage to shake him the same way, or would his alter ego help perhaps?"
"That might," Fury said, considering it. Coulson walked in with a certain baby cooing at him. "Why do you have her?"
"Because two of Harris' former dates attacked the daycare to try to snatch her. They took down the agents watching her."
"He's at the spa in Midtown," Natasha said. "He has a date tonight with the person who helped him get Barton free. He's expecting dinner, dancing, and probably a request for sex. Or so he hopes at least."
Clint's phone rang with a text message. He smirked. "Xander said his date texted him pouting and Xander said he fully expected dinner and sex and would pout if he didn't offer to feed him so they could have sex. He agreed it was a great thing and they set dinner plans as a picnic on his roof and then a lot of sex."
"I'll find the device scanner," Coulson said. The baby leaned over until Natasha had to catch her. "Fine, if she'll hold you." He went to get the scanner.
Belle looked at this nice lady, smiling at her. "Dada?"
"No I am not going to flirt with your father today, dear. He's busy today." Belle pouted. "He's getting spoiled." Belled huffed but wiggled until Clint could take her. She climbed up to pet his hair for him again and slobber kisses on his ear.
He smiled. "I like you too, Belle."
"Now if only you two weren't related," Fury said dryly. "She'd have a built in dad and mom."
"Xander's tougher than I like them, sir," Clint shot back with a dirty look. "He has to do way too many jobs in a row."
"Baba," Belle said, staring at him. "Ass."
Fury smirked at her. "Don't pick up your father's bad habits, kid. I can spank you."
"And her dad would have your guts strung all over this room," Clint said impatiently. "He's made sure *everyone* knows that." Fury sent a mock-hit towards the baby and Xander suddenly appeared behind him with a knife to stab him in the throat. "Xander!" Clint shouted.
Xander glared at Fury, knife to his throat. "Do you think you matter enough to me to make me not kill you if you try to hurt my baby girl? Really?" He stared at him. "There's plenty to take your place, and most of the Council likes a few of them better." He grinned. "Capice?" He took his daughter to look at. "Are you okay?"
"Baba," she said with a point at Fury.
"Yes, he is. That's very smart. Come help Daddy be spoiled?"
"No!" She grinned and shook her head. "Cli!" She pointed at him.
"Awww! That's so sweet that you know his name!" He kissed her on the nose and nuzzled her forehead. "Such a smart little girl. I think he's busy today though. So come help Daddy be spoiled. We have a date later."
"Ooooh." They disappeared.
Clint grinned. "I like the hellion. She's a sweet kid."
"I don't like children and I find her the same," Natasha agreed. Her phone beeped. "Someone else agreed with me but I thought we had him in custody." Fury glared. "You did threaten his child." She looked at Clint again. "Are you all right?"
"I've passed all the evals. I've had the two brain scans. I've went through an attempt at deprogramming just in case. I'm good. He's right, I do have a few flashes now and then, but he said that they calm down."
"They do," she agreed with a slight smile. "Who programmed him?"
"Apparently he got possessed once by a hyena."
"Oh, dear," she said, blinking a few times. "Fully?"
"From what he said? Yes. The others in the pack ate a human. He helped them eat the school mascot pig."
"Interesting." Clint smiled and nodded. "Huh." Phil came back with the scanner and did the office, finding two but neither that would lead back to the one who had texted Natasha. Clint got sent into the air ducts to flush him out. Natasha and Coulson went to make a plan to get the remaining scientists Loki had hostage free.
Xander was limply squashed onto the couch the next day when Natasha walked into his house. Belle was playing nicely with some cars on the floor. She walked over in front of him. "How would you get Dr. Bruce Banner out of that mess?"
"The Hulk?" She nodded. "That's your answer."
"That could cause a lot of damage to people we cannot afford to lose."
"Then sleep gas everyone and set him off once you've cleared the area if the gas doesn't do it for you. Or have Thor fight an epic battle against the green guy."
"I can consider that. Sleep gas?"
"I prefer it." He smiled. "I know my only superpower is being super annoying at times."
"Hmm. That's an idea. We can make some fast acting gas." She looked at the baby petting her boots. "I like those as well. When you're older, you can find very nice boots of your own."
"Don't remind me she'll be shopping like a slayer some day. I need to save some money up before then."
"You don't have any of the reparations from your former spouses saved?" He shook his head. "Why not?"
"Not like Giles would give me money to feed their villages," he said dryly. "Or buy them non-slayer usual weapons that they needed." She grimaced. "I used it well, but I'm living on my paycheck. I use anything like that to up the armory."
"It is a good selection. I did take something that didn't work. It had been cannibalized."
"I saw." He smiled. "Have fun with the green guy."
"I can probably do that." She left, going to work on that suggestion. It wasn't a bad one. Banner might change due to the gas but they could lead him outside. Thor could easily knock him in the head if he had to. It might just work. They went on that raid. Loki was still a goat but his people that he had in control were good enough to handle some things without him. If they had to, they could bat them all on the head until they were normal. It could be very stress relieving.
Thor was on the ground, a sweaty wreck. The Hulk was laying down with a hand on his head groaning. Thor looked at the mess they had made of his brother's facility then at the people who had stayed out of the way. "Is he back to normal?"
"We won't know until he's human again," Natasha said quietly. She helped him up. "We have medics, Thor." She pointed. "They take care of injuries."
"I could use a shower," he admitted, walking that way.
Hulk got up, wobbling some. "Puny...." he got out. Thor threw his hammer and hit Hulk on the head, knocking him back down. "Hulk has ow." The hammer went flying back to his master, who looked a bit pleased with himself.
Willow appeared. "Why did I get summoned?"
"No one yanked your chain," Fury noted. "So I don't know, Rosenburg."
She glared at him. "There's others to do your job. We like Coulson. Hell, I might even put up with Hill near my slayers."
"Since when are you the head of the Council?" Fury shot back.
"Since when do you think Giles does all that stuff?"
"We think Harris does it," Fury said dryly. "We're pretty damn sure he does actually."
She gaped. "He does not!" she shrieked. She tried to yank Xander but it wasn't going to work.
"There's a federal restraining order on you doing magic on Harris or his daughter," Fury said smugly. "I can arrest you for that."
"Sure, Director Bunny Rabbit, you can do that."
Natasha looked at her. "Willow, please stop it. We have just had a battle. We are not in the mood for an argument." She stared at her. Willow huffed but stuck her nose in the air. "Why were you summoned?"
"I don't know!" Someone shot at her but she stopped it. "You're going to pay for that!" she noted, raising a hand and staring at the direction of the bullet.
"If you hit anyone beyond the one who shot at your ass, you're a dead witch," Fury said, stomping over to her.
Thor looked over. "That is not how you get a rogue magic user to do anything," he told the medic tending his injuries.
"I am not a rogue!" Willow shouted, glaring at him. "I'm not!"
"Rogues are ones who harm those who have not done anything," he said blandly. "I should know. My brother tends to be one sometimes."
She glared harder. "I'm not a rogue and if you brother, whoever that is, is then that's his mother's problem. She clearly didn't work right on him."
"My brother is Loki, Witch, watch your tone." She snorted in derision so Thor grabbed his hammer. He could fight off magic. He had many times in the past. This would be a battle worthy of epic poem glorification.
Xander appeared with Belle, who was blinking at things. "Baba!" she said, sounding strange.
"Yeah, it is," he agreed, handing the baby to Natasha again. "Can you please make sure Willow doesn't magic her again?" He slipped his own pendant over the baby's head. "Let me handle this shit before it gets out of hand," he muttered, walking over there. "Hi, Council Problem Solving Unit," he said dryly, making Willow flinch right before he hit her. "Thank you for your cooperation in not causing a war with another planet, Willow. I don't think the slayers really want to go to war with Asgard's warriors. They might treat them like pets. That would totally destroy the warriors' egos to the point where they'd never be able to fight again."
He looked at Thor. "Yes, she's like that. Always. She has been since she found magic and before then she was always right because she was really smart and my former best friend." He shrugged. "Just treat her like the wench she's acting like and ignore the magic unless you end up furry or scaley, okay?" He smiled and walked back to get his daughter, who was laughing. "Let's go, whoever brought us here to stop Willow." He got sent home with the baby. He groaned, looking at her. "You will never turn out like her or Buffy. You're not that sort of girl." He walked her into the kitchen to feed her.
"I think it's nice he considers me good enough to protect his daughter," Natasha said. "Though a bit disturbing. I could have taken out Rosenburg."
"You would've shot her and that would've put her out of the world's misery until we needed a really strong witch for something," Fury said dryly. "That's the only reason she's still alive."
Natasha nodded, putting plastic cuffs on Willow's limp wrists. "That does make sense. We need her to close things." She looked at Thor. "She probably meant the insult but she's an untrained, egotistical witch," she said bluntly. "She has no idea and doesn't want to know. She's pulled things that make other witches look at her like she was infected with her goddess."
"There are many of those in life," Thor said. "As her friend knows because he was captured by one."
"Yeah, about her. Do we know anything about her in case she shows up down here?" Fury asked. "Like a name?"
"They call her the Enchantress. She is powerful. She's not powerful in the same way as my brother but she does have quite a bit of power and desires certain things. She has in the past turned whole units of warriors into female warriors because they were bothering her. She will usually help a female in distress if asked though."
"Why would she want someone like Xander Harris?" Natasha asked.
"She would require her mate to be a warrior who could withstand magic if it got out of hand and to help her rule her lands. From what I saw of him, he could probably do so. Especially if he could deal with this witch. The Enchantress is much more charming and sweet than this witch seems to be. We have not yet found out how she knew about him."
"Would his ex who had been Norse but was a vengeance demon perhaps be a cause?" Natasha asked.
Thor tipped his head. "Aye, there's been a few of those who the sorcerers and sorceresses have used over the centuries. Which one?"
"Anyanka. Xander dated her and nearly married her when she lost her job for a bit. She died in the battle of Sunnydale with the First Evil," Fury said.
"He left her at the altar because he said he was told how miserable they would be."
Thor considered it then nodded. "That could well be. The Enchantress would help a woman in distress as Anyanka used to. She was old enough to remember our people as well if what I heard of her is correct."
"He said she was a viking woman," Natasha said. "She taught him Norse."
"He has a bad accent with it," Thor said with a slight smile. "But a decent enough vocabulary for a language that's no longer spoken here." Willow moaned but Thor knocked her back out. "I do not wish to tangle with witches today. I have enough of that with my brother." He heard the Hulk moan and looked over. He was slowly turning back. "It seems we can find out if he was cured."
Fury walked over but Natasha held up a hand. She was less threatening seeming and wouldn't set him into a panic. She walked over to stare down at him. "Doctor Banner?" He blinked at her. "I'm Agent Romanoff with SHIELD. You were recently compromised by someone using mind control. Can you tell me if you're still under the control of Loki or not?"
He made himself sit up, rubbing his forehead. "Loki?" He blinked at her, wobbling some. "Why do I have a headache?"
"We tested methods on others he had under control. The best and easiest way to clear it has been cognitive realignment," she said with a slight smile. "You got knocked in the head, yes," she said when he found the lump and winced at touching it. "Are you still under his control, Dr. Banner?"
He shook his head. "I remember a blue glow.... a cube... Where's the cube?" He looked around. "It's dangerous."
"It's safely in custody," she said calmly. "We have it back, Dr. Banner. We have Loki in custody as well, though he is a baby goat thanks to one of the witches at the Council." She pointed at Willow's body.
He blinked at her. "I hate that stuff."
"As do we," she said with a slight smile. She helped him up and got him a blanket to put over the torn clothes. "How is your head?"
"It's sore. What happened?"
"We'll debrief you back at SHIELD then let you run," Fury told him. "Not to pen you in or anything but we need to compare what you saw with what the other doctors he had under control."
Bruce blinked a few times. "I shouldn't."
"You should," Natasha said. "Because someone at the Council had visions about Loki using the cube to start an alien invasion of New York that we would have to fight off."
"We?" he asked.
"We. Some of SHIELD, some of the Avengers Initiative members. You as well."
He nodded. "I'm not that noble, Agent Romanoff."
"Yes but you wouldn't like to see humanity decimated by aliens either," she said bluntly.
"No, I wouldn't."
"Plus, we have Stark on speed dial as he's part of the Initiative," she offered with a slight smile. "I know he's wanted to pick your brain a bit."
"After I don't have the headache. The one time I've met Stark, he was a bit bouncy."
"He still is." She walked him over to the medics. They checked his head over, gave him tylenol, an ice pack, and a jumpsuit to put on. "We'll have better clothes once we get back," she said. He nodded at that. "Have you met Thor?"
Thor shook his hand. "It was a mighty battle we fought, Doctor Banner. I'm glad I could cure you of my brother's foul desires."
"Thank you for that." He looked outside at some movement. "Are they agents?" he asked.
She looked and shook her head. "I believe they're minions. Director?" She pointed. He looked and stomped over to stop the minions. Who tazed him and took Willow anyway. Natasha's phone rang. She looked at the message. "Xander said if he has to come rescue Willow, he's going to have to pout. He'll expect presents for having to come rescue her," she said loudly enough that the minions heard.
"We wanted to drain some of her magic for a special battery for a weapon," one called. "We'll give her back tomorrow." They fled with her before anyone could stop them.
Natasha texted that back to Xander's phone. "Fine, he'll get her tomorrow then." She sat down.
"Who was that?" Bruce asked.
"That was Willow Rosenburg, head witch for the Council."
"Oh, great. So we'll have pissed off slayers?" he asked her.
"No. They're presently not really enamored of her. She's the reason that Loki is presently a little, whiny, black goat however."
"My mother would throw fits about such things but he did deserve it this time," Thor said. "I believe the goat may fit him well if he grows to normal goat size."
"He's a baby goat. We'll be lucky if she didn't mess up the magic and make him an infant human as well," Natasha said dryly. "She is known for such accidents. Which is why the whole Council presently hates her."
Thor nodded. "I feel not much affection for her myself." He shook his head.
Bruce put the ice pack against his head. "I think I need a nap. The Council is enough to give me a headache on a good day."
"That child?" Thor asked Natasha. "Whose is she?"
"Xander's. He had donated seed to a bank for women who wanted children but had none available for whatever reason. Her mother ended up with cancer and died shortly after she was born."
"That is tragic. He does good with her?"
"Yes. She's an adorable, smart, fussy little girl," she said with a smile. "She keeps trying to get me to flirt with her father."
"She was pretty." He stared at her. "How does a man raise a child on his own?"
"Very well in his case."
"Huh. That's excellent and a reason the Enchantress might not want him after all. I will spread such news."
She smiled. "For some reason he thinks I can protect her from things if I'm there."
"He'd never give the baby to Fury. He'd probably worry about what he'd do to her," Bruce said quietly. "I've heard things about him in the past."
She patted him on the hand holding the ice pack. "The rest of SHIELD is not like that. He is an old war horse in many ways, one from the Cold War."
Bruce nodded. "That makes a lot of sense." The plane's gate closed and they took off. "Can I stretch out?"
"Of course. Let me sit beside Thor." She changed seats, showing him how to buckle in. Thor did so and relaxed while Bruce spread out. He was a bit green in the nauseous way instead of in the Hulk way but he probably had a slight concussion from the fight.
Clint walked up to Natasha, holding up something. "Xander had Dawn make you a protection charm. It should protect against the majority of what Willow might throw at you. She updated the one Xander gave me to make it stronger."
"That is very good." She put it on. "Thank them for me."
"I did." He grinned. "Doctor Banner, Clint Barton." He shook his hand. "Infirmary's this way so you can get scanned for the concussion you seem to have."
"That might be nice. Tylenol?"
"They have tons down there. We go through it like candy some days. Stark's on his way in. He heard you were coming in to be debriefed." Bruce nodded once. He led him down there. "Guys, Dr. Banner has a concussion."
"We heard," one said. "The field medics reported. Doctor Banner, our scanner is this way. It's an open CT unit so you don't have to feel claustrophobic for any reason." He nodded at that courtesy and let them scan him, hand him tylenol, let him look at his own brain scans, and then let him go debrief upstairs after giving him something better to wear. Thor got scanned as well and sent up there with them. Clint escorted him.
Fury looked at Barton. "You can stand down."
"No I can't. If I was still under his control, I'd be taking over the helicarrier with a strike team today. I don't really think I should be out of touch of someone who can bat me in the head if he decides to reawaken it."
"You were?" Bruce asked him. Clint nodded. "Why?"
"I was security at the site where they were looking over the tesseract and I got in his way so I became his security chief and chief warrior in charge as he put it," Clint said dryly. "I was guarding and helping Dr. Selvig while we were both under control."
"I've met Eric, he's a good man," Bruce said. "Usually very quiet but happy with his field."
"I have met the noble Dr. Selvig," Thor agreed. "He works with the Lady Jane Foster and the Lady Darcy."
Bruce smiled. "I've met Jane at one convention. She seemed very nice, Thor." Thor smiled at that complement to his woman. "What do we need to know?" Dr. Selvig came off the elevator with Agent Coulson. "Eric."
"Bruce." He shook his hand. "You too?" He nodded. "How close was the machine to being finished?"
"I think it may have been finished. I remember looking it over and tightening bolts but I don't remember putting in any components."
"Great," Clint muttered. "So we might be facing the machine opening up a portal?"
"We confiscated everything," Fury told him. "Just in case."
"He'd need a high, unobstructed place to put it," Bruce said. Eric nodded. "I remember him coveting Stark's new building."
"If you have to have a penis statement, that's a good one," Natasha said.
"I would've used somewhere less obvious, like the observatory in Rochester," Selvig said quietly, looking at her. "It's harder to attack. It's got the built-in deck necessary for the device plus a backup power source ready for it with the old reactor at the Kodak nuclear research center. Putting it at Stark tower would mean that he'd have to rely on whatever it's running on now and I don't think any of us understand the arc reactor that well. Restarting a nuclear generator isn't that hard and there's thousands that can do that. Even though they're a bit apart it's doable."
"That's not that hard to check," Fury said, dispatching agents.
"It's at a college," Banner said firmly. "Do not scare the students. I doubt you need the press attention or the riot."
"We're not that unsubtle, Doctor Banner."
"No comment," Clint said when he got looked at. "Some of us are subtle, some agents aren't."
"I sent agents that were," Hill said from her position on the deck.
Stark came off the elevator. "Wow, this is a brain trust meeting." They all stared at him. "How bad is it?"
"Loki has people under control and plans to open a portal to invade the city with aliens," Natasha said.
"So, normal if you're with the Council," he said dryly. "But not us."
"Even for the Council, apocalypse battles are rare," Clint complained. Stark looked at him. "I know people."
"Figures." He looked at them. "That's not the best position if he wants it to open in Manhattan. If all he needs is a power backup, there's Rikers. There's a few other areas that he could plug into. Most of the skyscrapers would work, outside the deco glass walls. City Hall would work. Personally I'd go for somewhere higher but defendable." He called up a map on his tablet and projected it. "Here, almost all the buildings in this area would work. All he'd need is an extension cord."
"It's going to need some backup power," Selvig said.
"I saw what you guys were doing out New Mexico as part of the briefing. If the machine is working like I think it works," he said, pulling up his thought file. "Then all he needs is a heavy duty extension cord and a lot of unlimited power to jumpstart it." They both nodded he was right about how it should work. "So, large, flat, open area...." He did a search and a few buildings were highlighted. "Including mine but I doubt he could. I've turned on the new security measures that are barely installed." Fury groaned. "Hey, I just moved. I'm still unpacking," he shot back. "Give a guy a break, Fury." He pointed. "Manhattan Henge make a difference? There's a few down there. There's a few uptown."
"There's not that many options and a few agents on rooftops could spot them," Natasha said. "Put spotters every two blocks." She tapped buildings to highlight them in a different color. "There."
"Move this one," Tony said with a point at one. "I've flown over that roof a lot. It's unsteady and about to fall in around their generator unit. They have water damage. So does this one." She nodded and switched those. Tony switched one. "Slanted and tarpaper, ancient rooftops." She nodded, accepting that.
"Shift the blue one by 33rd up a building. That one's nearly impossible to get up to, the fire escape's rotted and rusted shut," Clint said quietly. She smiled at him and shifted it. "That's a good placement." Hill took notes and sent agents out to do that. "Why in Manhattan?"
"As the song goes, if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere," Tony quipped. "More people can spot New York City on a map than they can Washington, DC. You can see it from space easily enough. Others have tried and failed so there's a psychological component too."
"How do we stop it if it's going?" Fury asked.
"I'm fairly certain I built in a self destruct to his scepter," Eric said quietly. "If so, it can destroy itself."
"We can do that. We have that locked in a vault," Fury said. "I need a list of potential help in the city."
"The slayers can fight aliens as long as they're not human," Natasha said. "We have two and Harris locally. He has weapons."
"NYPD," Stark said. "They'll want to help. They have some of the better specialty response teams. And really, even the gang kids are going to have a 'hell no' moment about their city and turf falling to aliens."
"The enemy of my enemy is the guy I kick ass beside when the aliens come," Clint quipped.
"Exactly," Tony agreed.
"We can't discount that some of the demon enclaves can and might help," Natasha said. "Some are from warrior clans. They may have hidden weapons and other things that could help us." She tapped out a message to Xander's phone. He said he had already notified the local communities that if it was going to happen it'd be within a week. "Harris has spread that to others and his ex's. His daughter has to be out of the city then."
"Does he think that you want to hold his kid when he shows up?" Fury asked her.
"I believe he knows I can protect her no matter what is going on, even if he's distracted during a battle. Plus I have skills that a future slayer could look up to."
"She is?" Fury asked. Natasha and Clint both nodded. "Huh. Didn't know that."
Coulson walked up to them, listening to the raid's radio frequency. "Not at the Rochester observatory but it looks like it's been prepared as a secondary site, sir. They've dismantled the things they found up there and got the observatory staff to store it for them. They had no idea what it was for." Fury nodded at that. "Local feed from the first spotters..... Stark, he's still going for your building. Is the goat free?" he asked.
"Yes, sir, it disappeared about twenty minutes ago with Rosenburg," another agent reported. "She's in Cleveland by the cameras we have at the main house."
"Is he still a goat?" Fury asked.
"Not known yet, sir."
"Find out and tell me!"
"There are ways to get yourself out of such spells and they usually aren't permanent unless one is a very strong sorcerer and puts your back into it," Thor said. "It may be wearing out as she's lost interest in his status."
Stark straightened up. "Let me head home, people. Meet me there?" They nodded, moving to gear up and handle things while he flew home. They could handle this.
Xander called Don's phone. "It's today, sometime soon. The aliens are going to appear downtown. The main portal is on top of Stark's new building because Loki wanted to own it for his new throne. Faith has her," he said at the question. "Probably within hours if he manages it. Then call a terrorist drill, Don. You're going to want heavy hitters and clearing civilian staff. Everyone else needs to get out of the way and stay out of the way. Defend people storage sites. That's the best thing you can do." He hung up. He was watching the energy beam start.
He saw Stark fly in and that was good. Not totally good since the beam started but better. At least it wasn't him and a few demons, and a few ex's. Xander called up things and nodded. They all looked like they'd work. If not, he'd take them on with his axe if he had to. Xander looked around his chosen spot. "Willow says I'm not Batman," he said quietly. "So I have to do things the mortal, non-tech way." He got himself down closer to the ground before the beam opened a portal and things started to come through. "It's now," he said when he called Don then hung up, turned off his phone, and dove in to help.
This was going to be bad.
SHIELD's medical team had taken over an ER. They needed it. All the civilian casualties were being routed around them. They had plenty of agents, and they were nicely taking in agents from other agencies that had stepped in to help on the ground, the slayers and Harris, and anyone else who had been helping fight the alien invasion. They were on the second level of the triage. All those who needed immediate surgery were having it. All those who had minor injuries were waiting. Those with serious but not surgical injuries were being treated.
"I don't know what's wrong with this one. He's healing wrong," one of the nurses shouted.
Natasha looked over. "He has a DNA contamination thanks to a demonic source in high school." She went back to doing some stitches for Clint while he worked on hers.
The nurse looked over then nodded, taking some of his blood to add to the new blood they were pumping in. That helped most of the problems they saw but he was still healing wrong. It was accelerated but it was healing the trivial injuries instead of the serious ones. "I have no idea what's going on with him," she told the doctor that came over to check.
She considered it. "He's Council. Call their docs." The nurse nodded, moving to look up that number and call it. The guy shifted and winced. "Stay down, Mr. Harris. You're in SHIELD's medical custody but you are not under arrest," she said in his ear. She had to tell a few people this. Gang kids got a bit paranoid about that. He mumbled something.
Thor looked over. "He wants to know of his daughter."
"Tell him his daughter is with a slayer named Faith," Clint said.
The doctor told him that. "Is there anything we haven't realized yet that we need to check on?" He mumbled something else.
"He says that he has an injury to his hip that is bothering him," Thor said. "He also said not to let the senior slayers nag him please." Xander moaned as he tried to shift but she stopped him. "Xander, lay still," he ordered in All Speak. "You must lay still to have things treated." He said something else, trying to wake up. "He says that you may not test his blood. There are things that cannot get out," he told the doctor.
"I won't then," she promised. He relaxed again. She upped his sedative dose for now and worked on the more serious injuries that needed to be sewn shut.
Clint looked over then at Natasha, who shrugged. He shrugged back. They'd talk to Xander later. He usually had a good reason for things like that. The two slayers they had on hand were being cleaned up so they could go rest at Xander's house. They could make reports to Giles.
Xander woke up to something light sitting on his stomach. He blinked at his daughter. "Did Cousin Don leave you here?"
"Nope," Clint said. "I spelled him since I'm not fit for field work." He waved his casted wrist. Xander grinned at him. "She's been pouty but good for us and the two younger slayers. She's been knotting their hair for them for some reason but they just huff and let her."
"They adore her but she thinks they're princesses like Buffy." He patted his shoulder and she crawled up to cuddle him. "Hi, Belle."
"No, I'm not bad. It was a battle, princess. Daddy needed to be there." He kissed her on the head. "Good girl for behaving for everyone." She slobbered on his cheek and cuddled in again, playing with his hair. He looked at Clint. "What's the fallout?"
"Not that much. Few groups complaining that we found the Hulk a job. A few protesting that demons and slayers are bad enough, but to have actual heros is really horrible. Stark recognized some of them." Xander nodded at that. "You okay?" Xander nodded. "Good!" He smirked. "Someone asked why you would not allow bloodwork." Fury had ordered his IV laced with a light truth serum, so he could ask potentially helpful questions before SHIELD's interrogation team got here. Not that Clint would let them interrogate his brother for such stupid shit. He had to know what he was facing though.
"Okay," Clint said. "Can you comment on why you were healing faster?"
"Probably the coven?"
"Possibly. No one's asked them. The slayers just shrugged and said it happened." Xander nodded, patting Belle on the back. "You have some strange drug reactions."
"Only to three things. They're listed in my file with the Council."
"We got that the next day when an antibiotic made you float."
"No clue," Xander admitted. "Was I floating for a reason?"
"You had a few hives on your back."
"Huh. Yeah, I've had that reaction but never floating."
Clint looked at him for a minute. "If you were to comment, would it cause you trouble with those who want to date you?"
"Only a few," he admitted. "Not something I want to test though."
"Okay. I get that. Had a few things that I don't want lovers to hear about." Xander smirked. "I had her at the base earlier and she bit Fury on the leg, then crawled off cackling until she ran into Natasha, then burst out crying until she cuddled her. I was right behind her and she would not let me pick her up."
"She's a bit weird at times," Xander said with a grin for his daughter. "Why did you cry at Natasha?"
"Mine," she said without moving her head.
Clint smirked at her. "If you're sure," he said dryly. "Natasha's not. Who's her mom?"
"Lockbox in my office."
"I can look that up later. Would it matter?"
"Her mom was a redhead. Maybe she thinks she's family." He wasn't looking at Clint, instead he was checking her diaper. Clint sat up, staring at him. Xander glanced at him and shrugged. "Who knows, kids are weird."
"Not literally, I don't think."
"I'll be looking at that later." He leaned back again. "She's missed you. She's been pouting at Don at each meal."
Xander nodded. "She can do that. If it wasn't for her, I'd have been back in Africa with the slayers."
"She's a great reason to slow down," Clint agreed. "Buffy called to swear at her slayers for daring to take on aliens." Xander nodded then shook his head with a sigh. "She said she expected you to jump into something like that but she thought the girls had more sense. One of them pointed out they didn't want the aliens to take over the earth any more than they did the demons, and they weren't human-like so it was all good. Then they hung up on her and made s'mores."
He shifted. "She tried to call back, the answering machine message she left said she was proud of them for handling it and to next time call up more help. The rest of them could've joined in. They both snorted again and went back to nibbling their gooey treats." Xander smiled some, patting the baby's back. She belched but giggled. "Willow tried to call but they handed the baby the phone when she started to girl-swear so she had to modulate her language and listen to babbling about her being bad."
"She does not like the baby for some reason," Xander said. "She never really has. She's stuck up for Buffy's thing about wanting custody of her but otherwise she's never really liked Belle."
"Huh. Everyone likes the baby." She grinned at him. "Yes, you." She put her head back down, patting the daddy. "You get out tomorrow."
"Just in time for couch rest," Clint joked with a grin.
"That figures. It means we can go to the park so you can play in the sandbox."
"It's flooded. It's got a moat around the edges. With the storms they're predicting for later, it may be a full island by then. That whole playground has a drainage problem, Xander."
"I saw. We'll do what we can." He looked at her. "At least you won't get fleas like you did last time. Daddy was not amused that you got fleas like some puppy dog." She laughed when he poked her on the ticklish spot, slobbering on his cheek instead.
Clint grinned. "She's a great kid, even if she does have fleas." He shifted with a wince. "Someone said something about you having her babysat by Faith during the battle. That you shouldn't have been there."
Xander looked at him. "If I had a live-in nanny it'd be different. I don't. She only goes to Faith for world-ending things."
"Fury said the same thing about her being handed to Natasha a few times."
"He can eat me," he said bluntly. "If I could've trusted the daycare to have evacuated, I would've had her there. Not much choice when you're a single parent."
"No, but it's something we can work on. I know Faith knocked the fuck out of Buffy and Willow for complaining about that. She's in a chair?"
"Yeah, for the time being. She broke her pelvic bone during a fight. Well, the demon that was trying to turn her into an ogre pretzel broke her pelvic bone in four places," he corrected. "The lesser slayers were on a training patrol and tried to get her free but they couldn't manage it fast enough. I came back from Cairo to help her through the surgeries. That's when I found out I was going to be a daddy. She was the first one that heard."
"That's a special time," Clint said. "Is she going to be okay?"
"Yeah. She'll be fine in time. It's just taking over a year. She's about to ditch the chair and start PT for walking."
"Wonderful. A lot of people wouldn't come back from that."
Xander grinned. "Faith's really stubborn. A lot like I am."
"That's always a good thing." He looked over as the door opened and a man walked in wearing ancient looking armor. "Who the fuck are you?"
Xander looked at him. "No. Go the hell away."
"You have to...." Xander growled, making the warrior back up. "It is her rightful spot."
"No, it's not. Her mother did not want her there. Her grandmother either."
"Clint, gun please," he said, holding out a hand. Clint handed him one. Xander shot the warrior. "Go the fuck away." The warrior huffed but stomped off. Xander handed back the gun. "Thanks."
"Do I want to ask?"
Xander looked at him. "Her grandmother was the second daughter of a ruling body."
"Does that mean she should have a tiara?"
"It's a pretty blue and green one. Enamel and emeralds." Clint just nodded. "Which I refuse to let her take up until she's older. Grandma was *very* sure why she didn't want her only granddaughter there. Or her cousin Charming."
"Where are they from?" he asked.
Xander grinned. "No comment."
"Sure, I get that. They might come back."
"They might have a reason to come back."
"Wouldn't there be sons first?"
"Yup. If they were alive."
"Huh." He considered it. "Is Thor going to recognize her mother's real name?"
"Grandma made sure that her kids were not known to any of them. They only found Belle because Grandma passed on a protection when she died. By the time they traced where the protection had went, Ariel had died as well. They found Belle at the funeral and I had to hand her to Buffy to kick their asses for a few minutes. We had a 'go the fuck away' talk then too. Because unlike some I can research." He patted the baby on the back again.
"Are there people ahead of her?"
"Unfit ones that are in a war."
"Yeah. Which I won't allow. Grandma made sure I knew her grandfather's people and her people were not to get her."
"Who were her grandfather's people?"
Xander grinned. "Them Thor will know," he said quietly.
"Yup." He looked at the door then at him. "Cops. I can hear the boots."
Clint got up with a wince, opening the door. "The idiot warrior tried to steal Xander's daughter." The cop moaned. "It's not the first time."
"He said they have rightful custody."
"I'm her dad and they don't have human paperwork," Xander called. "Nor will they."
An officer looked in. "You're that Council guy." Xander smiled and nodded. "Is there a problem with them?"
"Yeah. They want to take my baby daughter into a war zone as a symbol. Even if her maternal grandmother hadn't been *very* firm on warning me they should not be near her, they wouldn't be getting near her."
"You still shot someone in the hospital, sir."
"In the armor. It barely bruised him. But hey, I can get out if it'll help any."
The officer looked at the nurse, who nodded she could do that. "Sure, we can do that. That way you don't endanger more people."
"I wasn't endangering anyone but the guy who wants to put my daughter on a pole and walk her through a battle zone," he said dryly. "Him I'm going to kill if he keeps showing up."
"I would too, sir." The nurse helped unhook Xander and get him changed, he was still wincing when he moved. Clint drove him home and Xander napped on the couch with the baby. The officer made his report to his boss, who was not happy. Then again, his boss had protested at Stark earlier in the day because superheroes had made a mess of their city.
Clint waited until Xander was asleep to go looking for that lockbox. He found it magically hidden but Dawn's protection pendant reacted to it by glowing some when he got near anything magical. It let him find a few other hidden areas. Including the hidden doorway to the armory. Xander had stuff he coveted in there. Not that he was allowed to own artillery but he did covet it. He finally found the lockbox on the third try and it was easily picked open. He looked at the thing on top. Belle's birth certificate. "It figures that the Disney was a cover name. No one's that big into Disney." It listed Ariel Emmagean Divarson as the mom's name. Below that was apparently Ariel's diary. Then Grandma's diary.
Grandma's had a lot more interesting stuff in it. Including how she had been shoved away for being a second daughter instead of a second son. How she had met and married a second son from another house they were warring with, and how when the parents found out there were children of that union they tried to kill both parents. He had died to protect her getting to earth. She was apparently a powerful sorceress in her own right. He texted a photo of the wedding notes to Natasha. She showed up a bit later with research on those names from Thor. "Does he know why?"
"Just that Xander was looking into someone with that name who might have a slayer marking." She took the diary to read.
Xander stepped into the doorway. "If you bring them here, I will sacrifice you both in a protection spell," he warned, sounding perfectly serious. "I'll add Fury as the third body and soul I'd need because he'd have plans if he knew."
"I'm not telling Fury a damn thing," Clint said. "And I'd never get her family down here. I'm not like that, Xander."
Xander stared at him. "The warrior earlier is from Grandma's family. They're presently at war with some of Thor's enemies." He walked off.
Natasha nodded. "That's what Thor said." They went over the journals. It explained a lot to them. Thor would not be happy to hear that the daughter had escaped. They had went to war with Odin once and Odin had the whole royal family wiped out. Natasha went to tell Xander that. He nodded he knew. "Does the one who wanted you know?"
"No. She hasn't done more than send love notes since Belle was born."
"Huh." She stared at him. "What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to destroy them if they come near my daughter," he said bluntly. "Everyone who comes near my daughter." He smiled at her. "Then I'm going to walk over their ashes and piss on a few of them. By now, people should have learned not to touch what's mine to protect." He sipped his water.
She nodded. "I can appreciate that approach. How would you do that on a magical world?"
He grinned. "I have my ways, Natasha. Never worry about that." She nodded, leaving it there. He went to put Belle down but she fussed so they both went to his bed for the night. In the morning, he found out her bed had been stolen magically so that was a great thing. He called the main house. "If she stole Belle's bed, I want it back. That thing was expensive." He hung up and took Belle to shower and then get breakfast. Clint and Natasha were still going over the intel files he had on both of Belle's earlier families. Now she was a Harris and there was no way she was going to be a princess. Harris's weren't royalty.
Thor showed up two days later, staring at Xander. "Before I leave, I was sent a message."
Xander nodded, holding the wiggling Belle to his chest. "What sort?"
"My father sends it." He stepped in. "I mean her no harm."
"Your father does." He stared at him. "If Odin had any idea I was the father of this child, he would've acted much differently when I was captured."
"Did she plan to draw yours?"
"Don't know. Never asked. I heard about all this after Belle was born because it'd get her mother attacked."
"Aye, it would. My father has hints that she exists. Her grandfather's people have noted her birth."
Xander nodded. "I have things that can destroy all of Asgard and I will use them over my daughter." He stared at him. "Am I clear?" Thor nodded once. "Good." He smiled slightly. "I want no war with you, Thor. Nor with your people unless they push it."
"My father would accept an alignment marriage to solve such."
"No he won't. Because I don't believe that's a good idea. She's not two yet. Why would I let him anywhere near my daughter?"
"That is a point. He said she should claim her throne."
"I don't need that bullshit and neither does she." Thor smirked some. "She doesn't. I've shot all the ones from her grandfather's family that have shown up." He stared at him until he looked away. "Grandmother Aurora was *very* clear about why people should never come near Belle. Not her people. Not his people. Not your people." Thor nodded at that. "As much as I appreciate your skills as a warrior and honor you for them, Thor, you are not allowed near my daughter if you are on your family's business," he said in Norse. "Ever."
"I understand thus and I will inform him of it."
"If you do I'll have more shit I have to destroy. Which people might not like."
"Point. I will pull my mother aside. She has sense and compassion. Her mother truly died?"
"Her mother truly died of the curse that gave her cancer when they found out she had been born."
Thor winced. "That is not proper."
"She would have united two warring idiots."
"Point. They would not be very strong but stronger."
Xander snorted. "The offer of me coming up there to ruin *all* of Asgard stands. I have weapons that can unravel magic."
Thor winced. "That is not good."
"No, and me being a highly overprotective father means I will use them to protect my baby girl."
"I will tell Mother thus. She will understand and temper my father's Will." He nodded. Xander shook his hand. "We remove Loki to Asgard today."
"Clint's in the office with Natasha the last I knew."
Thor walked where Xander pointed. "We remove him today."
"Coming," Clint said. He and Natasha packed everything back up and left, Natasha handing Xander something.
He looked then at her. "I know. She's not allowed to do anything with it until she's old enough to understand what sort of hell that means. Which means she's got to be at least fifty." Natasha smiled at him for that. "With a family so she understands why."
"That is a good idea," Thor mumbled. "I need one to get out of some of the politics. Before my father picks me one."
"You have one. Defend your choice," Xander said dryly. Thor smiled at him for that. Xander closed the door and looked at his daughter. "We should change houses," he said. She cooed at him and patted him on the cheek. "Yeah, we should." He went to get everything he'd need quick packed and sent to his next posting. He left a cryptic note for Don and Clint then got whisked away by a boyfriend's minions. The boyfriend loved to spoil Belle and him with lunch and sex for him while she napped.
A Princess of the Disney Lineage.