Clay looked up as someone walked up to their camp, nodding at the guy. "What are you doing in this part of the world, DiNozzo?"
"Just had a horrible problem that caused us hell and took us hostage. Guys, this is Ziva David, my teammate." He nodded back at her. "I need to get word to Gibbs that we're safely out of there."
"Blocked sat phone," Jensen said, holding it up.
"Thanks." He called. "Boss, us. We're out, we're walking, and we're somewhere else." He hung up and handed it back, looking at Ziva, who shrugged. He shrugged back. "No Xander?"
"Bucky's teaching him things," Pooch said. "There's a log here, Agent David." She sat down with a sigh, rubbing her sore leg. "DiNozzo, we have a med kit."
"I got patched up by an underground doc. I'll be fine. Thanks though." He sat down too. "We have had the month of cluster fucks."
Clay nodded. "Us too. We had to lure the guy trying to turn into a demon into a trap since he's in his last hundred days. We're hoping the thing can't swim."
"I saw that footage," Tony said. "Yuck."
"I had Jensen hack it," Roque said. "We don't need that too."
Amaya came out with the kid, who ran over to climb up Roque's back to steal his knives and Cougar's hat so she could play with them. Cougar scowled but she grinned, waved, and cooed over the shiny knives. Roque just shook his head. He'd get them back when he needed them and he had extras. He had learned this lesson because every single mini slayer tried to take his knives to play with and half of them wanted Cougar's hat.
Amaya stared at Clay. "The girls at the main house were naughty."
"How naughty and why do I need to know?"
"They fought the nasty animated..." She looked at her daughter then at him. "Special movies."
"Hentai," Jensen muttered. "With tentacles. The slayers went stripper and freaked the researchers out. Xander was so proud they thought their way through that problem instead of getting all huffy." He grinned at her. "He's using it as an example of 'your mind is a weapon too'."
"I think bras and skimpy panties are a different sort of weapon. Especially against people who like watching tentacle monsters."
"Eww," Ziva muttered.
Amaya smiled at her. "New helper, guys?"
"I'm Special Agent Tony DiNozzo and this is my teammate, Agent Ziva David. We're breaking our path from the guys who decided we were good hostages."
Amaya frowned, looking around. "Is Xander already taking care of them? I hadn't heard he was back."
"Mama, Uncle Xander will handle it. They won't come here."
"No, they won't," Clay said with a pat for her. "Guys like Tony and Ziva have a whole lot of military people behind them so Xander doesn't have to do it."
"He'll be disappointed he can't loot weapons. We could use more weapons in the slayer arsenal," Amaya said.
"Ooooh, the shiny things," the baby cooed with a grin for her mother. "Can we pet them, Mommy?"
"We'll see, dear."
She nodded and cooed at the knives. Now they were dolls that were 'getting married' and 'going to have babies'. Roque was staring at her oddly. Jensen was filming it. It was so adorable and Xander would love seeing that.
***
Bucky got the film for Xander, since he was in the gym working on some hand-to-hand with Steve. He had to smile. You had to grin at that cute little future slayer. He showed the others. They all smiled.
"She's adorable," Clint said.
"Her mom's a slayer and she's a future one," Bucky said quietly. "But she's one hell of a spitfire." He took the phone downstairs, letting them see it. Steve grinned. Xander went 'awww' and had to answer it when it rang.
"What?" He listened. "Yes, I did have to do that, Buffy. Because the Destroyers of Civilizations were also there." He listened, squinting a tiny bit. "I don't care," he admitted. "I do what I have to do, even when it's huge villains from another realm that we see as a comic book. Any other complaints? You caught me mid-workout and my sweat's tickling me as it dries." She spluttered. Both super soldiers heard it and Steve winced. "Great. You have fun." He hung up before she could say anything else and turned off the phone. "Give it an hour please? I hate being nagged. He looked at Steve and attacked again, getting back into it.
"Over-reaching," Steve said, correcting it. Xander hadn't had a lot of teaching but his instincts weren't too bad.
James walked off. He turned on the phone so he could nag back. There were days he really wanted that slayer and the witch to go to some other version of hell beyond this one. When he got a text message from Andrew stating 'Giles wants a report today please', he wrote one out for them and sent it in for the kid. Andrew sent another text saying he had shown Giles about that bad guy. Giles' only answer was 'fuck' and some scotch so that was handy. Maybe it'd cut down the nagging. Before they turned Xander phobic of women.
***
Xander made it back to Africa, in South Africa. He was on a friend's boat, watching as the guy down there started to change. He had timed it to get here today before the eclipse. He had a few weapons. Clay's team was on another boat. The concrete container burst and the demon worm grew up and out. It was deep enough that his head was still under water. He tried to breach the surface but Roque was already firing on him. And he sank under his own weight. Xander sighed in pleasure. "A lot easier than a luring battle." He leaned on the railing, watching to make sure it wouldn't come back up. A mermaid jumped up and tried to capture him so he caught it by the throat, staring at it.
"No. Bad mermaid." The thing made squeaky noises. "I know I've got some of your DNA now. Not my fault. Someone else did it and he died for it. I didn't know it was there. Okay? If you want to, eat the big demon worm. It's dangerous and food." He pointed at it. "Eat that. All of it. Please?" He let it go, watching it fall back into the water. The mermaid called out to others, who came to nibble on the demon. It was still alive. It was trying to get away. The mermaids got happy with the live food and fed whole platoons of them, some coming from half an ocean away for the feast. Xander looked at the other boat and shrugged. "Mermaid."
"It was gross," Clay said.
Xander grinned. "That's what I got exposed to on the swim team."
"Thankfully the guy's dead," Roque shot back. "Damn!" They watched the demon worm fully die as pieces were ripped out. They gave the eyes to a very old, very pregnant mermaid. By then the guys were headed back to the docks. They didn't need to see that.
"I'm gonna go find some bleach," Jake announced, walking off. "Xander?"
"I'm going to talk to the one that helped us."
"Cougar, follow Xander. Roque, make sure Jensen makes it back. I'll go get us rooms." He went to use most of the hotel's hot water. That had been sick. Really sick. Hopefully it never happened again in his lifetime. He nicely wrote the report for the Council and sent it. That way he could forget about it when Roque came back with liquor and a hooker.
Cougar came back after a fast visit to a nearby church. "They're having dinner." Clay grunted in annoyance but it was fine. Jake was finally done showering and writing his report. It had more information. Cougar looked over Jake's shoulder when he laughed, shaking his head with a sigh.
"Willow said that's a better way than the first recorded one, which took a volcano," Jake said, grabbing another beer.
"I don't want to know if someone can create those," Roque grumbled.
"Stark could probably make something to pull up a magma flow but not that fast." He went back to chatting with his sister. She wanted to meet Xander and Xander was a decent guy who could use nice female friends, and maybe a date. He wouldn't mind being his brother-in-law at all. At least his niece would be protected.
***
Stark looked at the people there for the meeting, nodding. "The guy trying the ascension in South Africa is down. I sent them a camera and Clay dropped it near the corpse. The mermaids did a great job of stripping it and I didn't see any signs of regeneration. They went down with a scuba guy who could use underwater welding torches to take off the head."
"That's one relief," Giles said. "We weren't sure if they could regenerate." He settled into his seat. "Is Xander still there?"
"Rushed off for one of the older minis who just came active." Giles nodded at that. They got down to the amusing business of the next apocalypse battle's plans. Steve was on a mission with Bucky. Natasha and Clint were on their own. So that left him free for this planning. Giles could not plan a single thing, probably not even a birthday party. Giles stared at him. "Sorry, I didn't mean to say that out loud."
"Actually planning is not in my highest range of skills. I was meant to do research."
"Someone said there was tentacle smut in the language before hieroglyphics," Tony quipped. "Then he told us how they got the research council to freak out at girls."
"Please don't remind me. They're still complaining about the girls doing that to them. Even when it was pointed out they grossed out the slayers completely with their fetish." He took off his glasses to rub his eye. "There's days I wonder what would be better for the girls. Perhaps a motherly figure would help."
"It'd definitely help them shop less," Fury said.
Giles looked at him. "They got that from the piece of Buffy's slayer spirit. That's also where the feeling that Xander is normal comes from as far as I can tell. The slayer spirit is very amused according to Buffy, especially at all the fussing about clothes instead of weapons."
Stark nodded. "So are we." He looked at Fury. "You could give him an agent that'd be a great motherly figure."
"Unless we get someone like Peggy Carter in her younger days I doubt it," Fury shot back. "The rest would be too hard. Though...." He smirked. "I have an agent I'd like to work with the girls to teach them how to work with agents. She might smack around the HYDRA ones."
"Frankly, I've done a good bit of that myself," Giles said. "Agent Ward and Wade have kept them away from the girls and dealing with more major issues. Including getting us weapons." He looked at Stark. "Wade said to tell you he found three of yours he's brought into our armory."
"I'll be down this weekend to get those and look over the others to make sure they work," he promised. He looked at Fury. "I'll escort yours."
"That's fine. Sharon should do fine and she's got a fine legacy to help them from." He sent Hill a message. He looked at Giles. "They've been buying arms?"
"I have no earthly clue and when I asked I got that 'you don't want to know' look from Wade." He cleared his throat. "The agents can't play kitten poker very well at all. The local demons have banned most of them for being rather annoying." Fury grinned at him. "If we didn't need them so much..."
"We'd gladly take them off your hands. Even Ward."
"He's rather handy. The local community likes him. The local magic users like him. The girls still treat him like a silly big brother. If he hadn't been HYDRA I would've hired that boy readily."
"We can work on it. You guys have rehabilitated others," Fury said.
"True. Though Spike is not here at the moment. Last I heard he was in Texas somewhere."
"Druscila's in Africa," Stark said, handing over that information. "She's got two nice little packs of kids and grandkids. They're picky but one was the one that turned Wade."
Giles smiled. "He'll be glad to hear it but I'm not sure if he'd run to join her or if he'd make sure she couldn't come back." He tucked that into his bag. "Thank you."
"Welcome. From what I've seen on Dru, I'd like her to stay far, far away from us and Xander."
"Yes, she does still have a slight crush on Xander. Or her demon does, I'm not sure which one." He frowned but let it clear up quickly. "She's also a seer. Never wrong but fairly cryptic thanks to being tortured into insanity by Angelus."
"Where is he?" Fury asked.
"He earned his reward during the invasion in LA. Shanshu or something."
"Ah." He nodded. "So new life?"
"Apparently."
"Wonderful." Fury leaned back.
"The only reason Spike survived was one of the slayers found him injured and helped him." Fury nodded. "He is a bit of fresh, sarcastic air in the Council when he shows up. I'll have to call him for this one." He made that note to himself.
"Is Rosenburg back on better footing?" Stark asked.
"Yes, she quite is and she knows she's not to do things like change people into cats so she has something to pet."
"Or Xander into a girl?" Stark asked.
"Or that hopefully." He considered it. "That would probably harm her quite a bit."
"And almost has in the past," Stark quipped.
"Well, let's hope she's grown out of that. It is rather childish." He grimaced. "Is Xander back to his old ways?"
"Steve and Bucky gave him a lot firmer footing on how to raid somewhere to get people free without needing to blow up the whole base. Not that we mind if some of those groups go down."
"I didn't but I wanted a list of them," Fury said.
"I find I'd rather not know because then I might have to look at the boy differently. He is somewhat like my own son," Giles said. "Especially as I'm not having children."
"Men can father kids into our nineties," Stark quipped.
"Yes, and while I could have an heir, I'd hate to see what their life would be like between the Council and the girls turning them into Xander," Giles quipped back. "Buffy would cute the baby to death."
"They'd definitely never quit shopping," Fury said dryly. Stark just grinned. "Tell the boy he's got to give up two of his boyfriends in the next little bit, Stark. They're under watch for taking down."
"Should I mention which ones?" he asked, pulling out his phone.
"No. He might warn them. He's probably heard some. Maybe he can talk one of them into donating weapons but the other one is hiding a biological warfare group." Stark nodded, sending that message. He got one back fairly fast. "Him?"
"Him. He said he heard about the one doing the bio weapons. That's why he hasn't seen him and he was blunt about not wanting to see him because of that and the ones he got exposed to in the past." He looked up. "The other one he's already raided for weapons because they had a slight emergency but it was fixed easily enough. He said he blew kisses when they caught him carrying stuff out of the armory but they agreed the huge demon that wanted to court the newly active slayer had to go down and took back the spares."
Fury nodded. "It's nice they're helpful that way but we don't want them around."
Stark sent that and nodded at what he got back. "Xander said he could do without Paulo and Maraques but if your guys were barking at Radallo they were going up the wrong tree because he's into selling organs, not blood born pathogens." He looked over. Fury was sending that to Hill, who said they'd alert one of the teams. Stark put his phone up after telling him he had told Fury that. He grinned at Mr. Giles too, who was shaking his head with a sigh. "At least he's having some fun."
"It is good he's having fun as well as harsher times. I didn't like how hard he seemed during the meeting."
"I think that was from the nagging."
"Quite probably," Giles said, shaking his head. "Buffy is the head slayer and she believes she is in control."
"I think we're all lucky Harris didn't smack her for it," Fury said. "I would've." Stark nodded he would've too. "All right, back to this business. Then we can do the rest later." They went over the plans on how to handle things they knew were coming up. The known areas of problems weren't going to be as bad but they would have to handle some panicking and in some areas rioting or fighting.
***
Agent Sharon Carter, who had lived across the hall from Steve when he was in DC, reported for a new assignment. "Sir," she said, nodding at Hill.
"Agent 13, we have a bit of an odd situation. We think you can handle it and get a bit of a vacation at the same time."
"Beauty shoots on the beach to get the drug dealers?"
"No. We have to prepare the Council's slayers to work with us during an upcoming apocalypse battle. You were suggested because they need sense at times. They've made sure the girls are mostly normal, though they do shop more than most girls ever will. The problem is that some of those HYDRA agents were given lifetime duty assignments there and then a few got tricked into it by demonic contract of some sort." She grimaced. "The new arms master is a vampire turned by one of Druscila's children so she obligated him. You have him and former Agent Grant Ward in charge of them."
"I remember seeing Ward around the office, sir. Are they bad to the girls?"
"No but it's thought they could use a good dose of womanhood." Sharon smiled. "Fury said you could live up to your grandmother's legacy and it's not that hard. You're going with Stark this weekend so he can go over their armory. These are the plans currently." She handed over that file. Sharon looked it over. "We figure it will take you about two weeks to teach the girls how to work with someone like an agent. And if possible you can teach them to be a bit more classy when they're not on club hunts. Your grandmother would've been ashamed at how a few of them went to school sometimes."
"They're teenage girls and a few older ones."
"All that comes from Buffy. She was a fashionable cheerleader sort when she got activated."
"Ah, one of them. Sure, I can do that, sir." She nodded politely and walked off. She could call Stark in a bit to talk to the man and see when he wanted to leave. Letting him make the travel arrangements meant that they wouldn't be flying commercial.
***
Stark walked into the Council house, getting out of the way of two screaming, running girls. "Morning to you two too." They grinned at him and one waved before they ran up the stairs.
"There's strangers here!" one shouted. A few doors thumped open and people came jogging down the stairs.
"Don't get up on our account," he said dryly, smirking at Faith.
"Hey, Stark. Who's the pretty lady sort?"
"This is Agent Sharon Carter. She's going to train the girls in how to work with the agents during the upcoming things."
"Cool beans." She looked at the others. "It's just Stark and an agent lady. Go back to bed, girls." They pouted. "Now. You can glomp on Stark later." They went back to their rooms. Buffy came down yawning and punched Stark on the arm as she walked around him. Faith shook her head. "Late night working with Wade. He's apparently good at hand-to-hand."
"Is that euphemism?" Stark quipped.
"Damn don't I wish. Girl could use some dick in her life," Faith shot back with a grin for the agent.
"There's only so much latex can do for a woman," Sharon agreed. "Sometimes you need whatever's at hand." She knew one of the two agents coming up the hall and hit him. "You deserve worse."
He looked up from the floor, touching the spot on his lip with his tongue. "I know, Carter. That's why I volunteered here." He stood up. "Girls won't be up for another few hours. Let me take you to Andrew and show Stark where the armory is." He led them to the back of the house with Faith. "Andrew, this is Agent Sharon Carter."
He looked at her. "Related to the creator of SHIELD?"
She smiled. "She's my grandmother actually. I've read her some of the slayer's exploits and she was tickled that strong women are getting stronger now."
Andrew grinned. "We do try, even if there is a rash of pink, lacy clothes around." He stared at Stark, making a tiny whimpering noise. "I shouldn't drool." He wiped his mouth off.
Stark smiled. "I get that from some engineers, Andrew. You do good helping the girls and using what you've got to add to their supplies." Andrew beamed. "I'm told the armory vampire found a few of mine?"
"Oh, yeah. Um, he's probably grumpy because Buffy only sparred with him and didn't do anything handy or anything else since she won," he babbled. "WADE!" He came up out of the back stairs. "The head of all engineers is here."
"I heard them come in." He looked Sharon over and smiled.
"I'll stake you so fast you'll never get to regret staring at my breasts for your last breath," she said without looking up from her reading.
Wade laughed. "I like the mean ones." She pulled a gun and shot him in the knee with a smirk. Wade moaned. "Ever think about joining the night life?"
"No. Not my thing. Take Stark to play with the toys." Stark walked off smiling. "And don't turn him either. Captain America would be most upset if I brought home a vampired Stark."
"Miss Potts looks like she could be mean," Andrew said.
"I think she's more the cut you down verbally sort but I'm sure she'd get the other Avengers to help her. I'm fairly certain that if the Hulk couldn't take the vampire apart, Agent Romanoff could."
"I'd so drool on her boots," Andrew sighed. "And on Dr. Banner. He's so cool. And smart. He'd do so good here." He almost looked like a dopey teenager in love.
Sharon patted him on the arm with a smile. "Stark could probably set up a way for you to liaison with him if necessary." Andrew squealed and hugged her then handed her coffee and toast. She settled in to have a snack while she and Faith went over the plans. Grant Ward came in to get his own coffee and join in. He had to teach the agents the battle plans so she wouldn't smite him outside of training.
***
Steve's phone beeped. Thankfully they were traveling to the next site. He read it and smiled. "Stark said he is not vamped and Wade's scary but not as bad as Pepper. Apparently Wade's pouting about that." He answered and put his phone back.
"I'm guessing that's a good thing. Pepper is scary," Bucky said, going over his rifle to make sure it was clean. The agent they were working with was not talking to them. Which they didn't mind in the least. "Who are we rendezvousing with?"
"All Fury said was an agent I know. Not sure otherwise." Bucky nodded. "Most of the ones I know are decent and uptight."
"That's good." The car swerved and Bucky had his pistol in his hand before the agent in charge could drive them into the median. "I don't think so, Junior. You don't fuck with Captain America."
Steve looked at him. "People don't screw with you either."
"I almost wish some would. Having a dame again would be nice."
Steve grinned. "Date Xander."
"Too alike. We'd need one between us." The agent stopped the car and ran off. They got out and looked around. No reason for the running. Steve grabbed his shield. Bucky got in to drive. "I can hotwire it."
"Let me check for bombs first," Steve said. "I have no idea how to hotwire modern cars." He found the bomb easily enough and Bucky grabbed everything they needed before it went up. They looked around as smoke canisters went off, going to alert status. They heard thumps and stared in that direction.
An older guy, maybe middle aged, walked out of the smoke, smiling. "Captain, they're sorry they were very rude. They've been taken care of." He nodded. "Agent Barnes."
"Do I know you?"
"This is Agent Phil Coulson," Steve said, smiling at him. "Who we thought was dead until recently. We'd all really like to punch you for that by the way."
"I wasn't allowed to clear that up. I'm sorry he never told you."
"I punched him over it," Steve said. "Stark nearly built an explosive for his desk chair." Another agent walked out of the smoke, wiping off her hands. "I don't know you. Steve Rogers and this is James Barnes."
"Agent Melinda May." She shook their hands. "Coulson, we should go."
"Are we supposed to be meeting you?" Barnes asked. "Or was this happy coincidence?"
"Yes to both since we were to rendevous in about an hour further up the road." He pointed. "Shall we?" They followed him to the agent SUV and got in with him. The girl driving smiled at them. "This is Skye. She's new to the team and training to be an agent. She's a tech ops sort, Captain."
"Pleasure, ma'am," he said. He looked at Coulson. "What happened?"
"They barely saved me with some alien tech and it was fully disgusting," he said. "Then I spent months wondering that myself."
Steve winced. "Fury?"
"Yes." He looked at him. "Nick means well but he likes to keep things to himself."
"I found that out," Steve said dryly. "Especially on ops with Natasha."
"It's good you two can work together. Clint?"
"He's good. He and Natasha are on a mission right now."
"That's excellent. They back each other up very well."
"Stark told them. Clint's ...not exactly pouting but we stopped him from building the explosive for Fury's chair too."
Phil smiled. "I was their handler for years, Captain." Steve nodded he understood that bond. "I'm allowed to mystically appear in front of them later. Can I borrow the shield so Clint doesn't get me with his bow?"
"Gladly." He grinned at James. "We thought Phil was killed by Loki before the battle in New York."
"Oh, you're that guy. I heard stuff about you. Including some of the junior agents nagging the newbies to be more like you."
"I used to hate when they did that." He smiled. "They always looked so confused. That's usually when Natasha or someone stepped in to do their sparring training too. Poor rookies." Steve burst out laughing, nodding a bit.
"I did good helping train her," Bucky said.
Phil stared in awe. "Then the rumors were true."
"Depends on the rumor. Some of them are really freaky thanks to Stark. He told one agent the arm was only for sexual gratification and it vibrated. She stalked me around for days before I growled at her," Bucky said with a perfectly straight face.
"That sounds like Stark. The first time I met him I threatened to taze him and watch Supernanny while he laid on the floor twitching."
"Don't give me ideas," Bucky said with a grin.
Phil smiled back. "I'm sure you have many more creative ways than that, Agent Barnes."
"Yup, but I don't want to *damage* him."
"Withhold his coffee, watch him fall to pieces over the course of a day," Steve quipped.
"Why punish myself?" Bucky asked. "Besides, he'd probably buy Starbucks or something."
"Probably just a franchise. Pepper won't let him acquire the company and it'd take months to do," Phil said. He smirked. "You'd have to get Pepper in on the torture so she could help by offering him tea."
"I just want him to eat and sleep on a semi-regular basis. Howard was not half as bad as Tony is," Steve complained.
"In his later years, Howard was," Phil said. "There's a textbook on bad parenting there unfortunately."
"It seems like some of the team have that same textbook in their past," Steve admitted. Phil nodded. "And then there's Xander's version."
Bucky looked at him. "I'm not sure if his is thicker than the others' or not."
"I think his is written in a slightly different language," Phil admitted quietly. "I've seen Xander a few times and had to debrief him about an incident."
"He's the one that let slip you were alive. He saw you in a vision," Steve said with a grimace. "I'm wondering if anything blocks visions."
"Not that we're aware of," Phil said. "We've been looking. Where is he? Still in Cleveland with the girls?"
"Africa," Bucky said. "He left after they got to Cleveland to handle the slayers down there and grieve. Since then he's taken down pirates."
"A militia or three," Steve added.
"A few Imams."
"And a few priests," Steve agreed.
Phil moaned. "Oh, dear."
"I worked with him while I was recovering my memory," Bucky said with a slight grin. "He's good. He needed some training we gave him recently but he's pretty damn good."
Steve nodded. "He is. He fusses over the girls. He handles problems with them. He fusses over some of the villages he ends up in constantly because they help him too. He's trained a lot of people." Phil nodded he expected that. "The girls are mostly well supported and a lot of them are healthier emotionally than the ones in Cleveland."
"That's good."
"Fair warning, a lot of the agents that were part of HYDRA are now given to the Council," Steve said quietly. May stared at him, mouth open. "Mostly demon arranged."
"Apocalypse?" Phil asked.
"Yes, and the next one will have Thor coming back."
"I'm fairly certain our response team will be there then," he sighed. "Loki again?"
"Some mystical realm alignment that happens every so often," Bucky said. "Clear gateways and Xander said Loki was *helping* this time."
Phil blinked a few times. "Really?" They both nodded. "Hmm. That's bad."
"He saw the, he thinks they're elves, attacking the palace on Asgard."
"Ah. Okay that makes more sense," he decided. "And of course, some demons are going to panic and some are going to try to make moves during it," Phil realized. Steve and Bucky both nodded. "The rest of the team?" They nodded again. "That's reasonable. Does the Director know?"
"Yup," Steve said. "We had a meeting. Xander got stolen from it."
"I hate some of his past dating list." He looked out front when the SUV slowed down. "And toll roads." He handed over the money for that. He looked at Steve again. "Any other good news?" he asked with a slight smile.
"A guy who would've been put onto your team wasn't because he was uncloaked during the spell Xander got someone to do," Bucky said. Phil stiffened, staring at him.
"Some sort of chaos spell that made you say 'hail, HYDRA' during a meeting," Steve said. "If you weren't a member you couldn't say it. Ten of the guys were the ones that were trained to help slayers respond to incidences."
"Ward," May said. Steve nodded. "He looked promising but if he's HYDRA I'd probably kill him."
"He's got a permanent duty assignment," Steve said.
"That's good," Phil said. "Lets him still help and atone for his bad life choice." He grimaced and licked his bottom lip. "The other agents?"
"Some turned, some made deals to cure things," Bucky said. "Some to get out of bad things." Phil nodded at that. They made it through the toll booth and sped up again. Behind them something went up. Bucky looked back then at Phil. "Explosive change?"
"Gas fire in another lane. Looks like a divorce aid bomb." He called that in. He looked at him again. "Any other cheery news from there?"
"Do you know a commando named Wade?" Steve asked. "Was part of Max's crap?"
"Heard of, yes," May said.
"He got turned. He wanted them to take him out so he didn't die of the liver cancer. Druscila's children stepped in and turned him to give him to the Council." Steve smiled. "He and Buffy spar a lot."
Phil smiled. "He is her sort from what I've heard. Who's backing Xander up?"
"Colonel Franklin Clay's team."
"I've heard of them. They're good," Phil said. Steve nodded. Then he snapped and pulled out his phone to show him the video Jake had passed on. He smiled. "She's an adorable future slayer."
"She is," Bucky agreed. "I don't like kids and she's cute."
May smiled, shaking her head. "I feel sorry for her future but that's a cute thing." Steve put his phone back up. "Coulson, we need to find out which part of the realm alignment we'll be dealing with."
"I have the nasty feeling it'll be London because Nick's mad at me," he admitted. "That'll be a mess to clean up." He called in. "We rescued the Captain and Barnes from an attempted grab and met up early. We heard about the upcoming alignment. What's our part?" He listened. "Thank you, Maria." He hung up. "London." She nodded.
"Will we get to visit museums?" Skye asked.
"Probably not," May admitted. "We'll be searching for alien tech."
"Let's hope they do less damage than what happened to New York," Steve sighed. His phone beeped. He looked at it. "Stark said he's still not vamped and the two pieces of his gear he's letting the slayers keep because they had a huge demon show up with flowers and wearing a bowtie to woo a slayer to be his slave." He answered back. Then he sighed. "Buffy walked out to yell at him. He's pouting that Xander wouldn't be so mean and would talk about it like men. Or pay him off to go away. He tried to snatch a different girl but Stark fired the third piece of his old gear at him for that and he quit, then drooled on Stark's shoes for him being him. And he said hi, Coulson."
"At least it's solved," May said.
Coulson nodded. "Stark has a way of cutting through bullshit unless it's his own." Steve laughed but nodded and sent back one. "Tell him I said hello and to calm down. The girls will get exponentially bouncy."
Steve added that, getting one back. "Too late according to him."
"Figures," Barnes said. "The next time you go down there to help, wear something to block the drool?"
"Only one drooled at me and she was a tiny kid," Steve said, looking at him. "Looser pants yes. Body armor for sparring quite possibly." He grinned. Bucky smirked back.
Phil Coulson was in geekboy heaven and it showed on his face. "How is the uniform working out for you, Captain?"
"You can call me Steve and Stark's rebuilt it twice." He shook his head. "I almost thought he was flirting with how tight the pants were the last time."
"The seamstress just wanted to grope," Bucky said.
"Probably," Steve said.
Phil nodded. "Most likely, especially the ones in SHIELD's armory. I had to smack a few with clipboards when they took the original measurements."
Steve blushed, shaking his head. "Dames gotta be dames," Bucky said.
"They're all guys down there," Steve told him.
"Dames would fit for two of them," Phil said. "Especially when they go out to do drag shows on their time off. One goes out as a redheaded looking Betty Boop and the other tries for classical screen goddess but she's not built proportionally enough up top. She really needs to pad her corsets better."
Steve grinned. "I saw the first one." Bucky gave him an odd look. "It was a charity show."
"Oh, okay."
"They're really funny. Some of the ladies can sing pretty good too."
"I'm sure they can," he said, patting him on the arm. "We knew a few way back when, including one of your fellow art students. He passed better than most."
"Yeah, Andi did. The only guy I ever met who was smaller than me. Have you looked him up?"
"No, I didn't look any of the old neighborhood up."
"Andi Dorfleman," Phil said. "Did some fairly well known lithographs in her day but died by her boyfriend's hand in 1952 when he discovered she was a guy. It was hushed up and police quietly took him in for it. I have pictures of one of the lithographs but the rest were more corporate oriented. Slogans and the like."
"It's good Andi got to do what she loved," Steve said. Bucky nodded. He looked at Bucky.
"No, I never wondered because I still don't remember everyone and the others I remember are more hazy."
"Oh, okay." He nodded. "There's not many I wondered about either. I looked up our old unit." Bucky nodded he had done that. Then Bucky shoulder nudged him. "Thanks."
"Welcome. You still wondering about Morita's daughter he disowned before he died?"
"I figured she got talked into the Playboy stuff by a guy. Had her nose up thanks to him."
"Most usually," Phil said. "Or some people just like to be on exhibition."
"We saw plenty of those making out on the fire escapes," Bucky said. Steve nodded.
Phil grinned. He turned to look in front of them because they were slowing down an exit ramp off the highway. "Go left if we need gas," he told Skye. "The station there is cheapest in the area according to the online site."
She nodded, turning on the left blinker. "Can do," she quipped. "Could use a potty break anyway."
May shook her head, looking at Phil. Who smiled back. "Any other big surprises?"
"There's a branch of HYDRA still working," Steve said. "They have Loki's scepter."
Phil stared at him. "Not like ours was?"
"Xander saw something like breeding mutations for stronger soldiers."
"Crap," Phil muttered. "Any idea where?"
"I think that's what Natasha and Clint were on. We're handling an arms dealer."
"Who has energy weapons," May agreed.
"Stark's?" Bucky asked.
"No, not that we know of," Phil said. "Laser based we think."
"Sure, will the shield work?" Steve asked.
"It should as a reflective surface."
Steve looked at it. "I should shine it then." When they got to the gas station he went in to get some car wax and a sponge. Plus some papertowels. Bucky got a candy bar and made him get a protein bar. Steve got them both protein bars and paid then they went back to the SUV. Skye paid for the gas on the corporate card. May got her own drink. Skye got hers and one for Phil. Then they were back on the road.
***
Steve got out of the car first when he saw Natasha waiting on a stone in the park he and Phil were to rendevous in. "Natasha. Clint okay?"
"Watching our backs," she said with a smile. She stared at the others. "May."
"Romanoff." She looked around. "Barton up a tree like usual?"
"He's happy wherever he is. I did not ask." She stood up, staring at him. "Coulson," she said.
He walked over to hug her. "If I had been allowed to tell you," he said in her ear.
She patted him on the cheek, saying something in Russian that cracked Bucky up.
"We'll stay out of that sparring match," Bucky promised. Steve looked at him. "I'll share when his team isn't around."
Natasha looked at the other young woman. "I do not know you. I'm Agent Romanoff."
"Skye. Coulson adopted me and he's turning me into an agent. I'm a hacker."
"That's a useful skill. One I enjoy myself at times." She looked at the boys. "You're healthy? We heard you got diverted."
"We're good. We were going to get pounced and out of the smoke comes Coulson."
"I've found a flair for the dramatic in the last few years. I must've gotten it when I was babysitting Stark that time," Coulson said. He looked around and then stared at a tree. "Hawkeye, we good?" An arrow split the leg of his pants to land behind him. "I'll apologize when you come down."
Natasha picked up the arrow. "Quit wasting them, Hawkeye." She looked at Steve. "Your arms dealer got them off the research arm of HYDRA."
"Charming. Are they still around?"
"Not at that lab. We did not find the scepter but we did find some hostages."
"Test subjects?" Bucky asked.
"For breeding. Four pregnant young women. They're all in the infirmary under agent authority." Steve nodded. She handed over the plans they had on that base. Then they went over this new one. It wasn't that far away and they could sneak there from here in the park. That's why they had chosen to meet here. They headed that way, Skye staying with the SUV for now. Within a mile of the park, they ran into automated laser cannons. Steve's newly shiny shield did deflect them and he aimed the laser beams to take out the cannons.
"Sweet," Bucky said, shooting one that came up further ahead. They moved more carefully, still mostly looking like an odd group going for a stroll in the woods. At least they were in more subdued tactical gear.
Someone jogging smiled at them as she ran past them. "Happy paintballing, guys. It's a pretty day for it and all the kids are in school so you can't accidentally hit one."
Steve smiled and waved a hand. "Have a great run, ma'am. He looked at Coulson.
"It's an assault style war game played with guns that shoot high speed balls of paint pellets," Coulson explained.
"I've seen those," Bucky admitted. Coulson looked at him. "Xander has a paint pistol that has poisoned pellets. He used them against a certain type of demon that was in an enclave. I thought he was nuts."
"I'd like to see that," May said.
"Xander likes pretty, dangerous things," Bucky said with a grin for her.
"I don't date."
"That's a pity," Steve said. "We'd love for him to have someone nicer than arms dealers. Though it was sweet that one sent him drugged chocolates for his birthday and a stripper covered in hallucinogenic edible body paint."
"I'm just glad they took them both to the ER instead of jail," Bucky complained. "He might've died."
Natasha looked at them. "When did this happen?"
"During his forced vacation," Steve quipped. He pointed. The group broke apart and took their own paths into the building as planned. He took out the guards. Bucky and Clint got the security cameras and anything else that moved. Coulson, May, and Natasha got inside and the guys followed. Not that the ladies left them much to deal with. Bucky watched them fight and realized yeah, he was a guy that worked. He remembered why he had liked training Natasha.
May was good too but a bit too dark for him. Natasha at least tried to find some light. The ladies took down the lab. The guys took down the weapons teams. Then Skye got to run in and handle the failsafe computer because Natasha was busy....also known as seeing how Skye handled things. Since she didn't whine, cry, or break down but handled the situation while talking, they decided she could continue her training without being sent to someone like Xander to train her.
Coulson came in with the last few things. "People are showing up to pick up the weapons and information."
"Ten more minutes," Natasha said.
"Thank you." He called that in.
Steve could hear it from where he was standing. "They're not SHIELD." Coulson looked at him. "They were on my tactical team. Natasha, that's Brock."
She looked up. "Skye, finish this."
"Yup." She moved over to see what she was doing and took over in a different manner but it was getting the same information. He, Natasha, Bucky, and May went to greet the team. When they landed he saw Natasha shift and nodded. She nodded back, glancing at Bucky then at May. Coulson walked out to meet them as the cover. One of them tried to shoot him but Clint pierced them with an arrow through the stomach from the back. The others got fired on by the team.
Brock stared at Steve, smirking some. "I was going to give it to Wade."
"I don't care. If we want the slayers to have it, we'll give it to them." He kicked at the guy, who dodged. He was getting into the fight when May stabbed him in the neck. "Thanks, May."
"Welcome, Captain." She walked over a groaning body. Clint got the pilot when he started take off procedures. Barnes got the pilot out and made him scream in terror. May looked at him. "Why do they consider you that scary?" she asked.
"Because most HYDRA agents knew about the Winter Soldier's mythical skills," he said with a smug look. "Thankfully I'm back to myself again." He stared down at the guy. "We're pretending to be the DEA and confiscating things. Unless you want to ride on the outside?"
"No," he moaned. "Mercy, please?"
James stared down at him, smiling that scary, cold smile he got sometimes. "Do I look like Xander?" The man screamed and covered his head. "Huh, you've met Xander. How did you meet Xander?" He hauled him up to talk to him. Coulson followed. "I can interrogate."
"I'll call it back in to Hill so there's no lag. Just in case he's handling something too huge again today." He smiled. "I have no doubts about your allegiance, Barnes. Steve does it to a lot of people."
Bucky laughed but nodded. "He always has, even as a kid." He shook the pilot. "How did you meet my protege Xander?"
"He is?" the pilot asked, starting to cry. "That makes much sense about why they want him to follow you."
"Like fucking hell they'll get him," Bucky said. "How much do I have to hurt you to get you to talk?" The man was whining and shaking his head. Bucky used his metal hand to grab one of the guy's ribs and pulled, breaking and dislocating it. The man screamed. Coulson didn't even wince. "Do I have to ask again? You have more of those. And hey, if you want I'll ask Xander to send me a poker contact to eat you." The guy was praying. "Being in the ice didn't make my temper or waiting ability any better," he warned, grabbing another rib.
The man nicely babbled about the higher ups wanting Xander to experiment on because they think he could be halfway to a better soldier. They knew the formula they had used on him and the kids in the Red Room. They could make him better.
Coulson called that in. "Do you have Xander's number?" he asked.
"Yup." He dropped the guy and called. No answer. He called Clay. "It's me. HYDRA thinks Xander would make an excellent target to experiment on like they did me." He listened. "Any idea where?" He walked off. "I can come help. Really? You sure? Xander doesn't react like people. You get him to drop that far into pain and you meet the hyena instead. I can be there by tonight." He hung up. "Steve, they captured Xander to experiment on. They think he's already halfway to super soldier status and want to finish his transformation."
"He's more a warrior than a soldier but I can see why with the taints. We know where?" He was heading for the helicopter.
"Clay's team has him in sight and I warned them about her. He'll drop into feral mode if he has to."
"Good point. Guys, going to rescue Xander," he said over his comm. Hill came on ordering him to not go. "Hill, I'm not taking that order," he said bluntly. "Never." He hung up on her. "Anyone coming the fast way to New York?"
"We'll clean up here, you two go," Coulson said. Clint shot Coulson in the calf, making him yelp and fall down. He looked up at Clint's position. "You're paying to repair the hole in the pants."
"We'll see," Clint said, hopping down and stalking over to get into his handler's face to yell at him. "How dare you not tell me you're still alive! After Curacoa! After Budapest? After Antigua!" He glared at him. "All you had to do was drop a postcard, Coulson." Phil flinched at that name and the level of yelling. "Why didn't you?"
"I wasn't allowed."
"Yay! I'm going to gut the mother fucker for it!"
"Calm down, Clint. Please? Just...I'm here, I'm okay. Calm down."
"Fuck calm! Once we rescue Xander, you and I are having a discussion, Coulson." He stomped toward the helicopter.
Willow appeared and grabbed Steve and Bucky's hands, taking them to Clay's spot. "Them, guys?" They nodded. "Can I help?"
"No," Clay said. "We won't need magic. Thanks, Rosenburg."
"Welcome. Call if you need help with Xander. I've known him longest." She disappeared.
Clay looked at them. He drew out the map they had found through the security cameras. "Hostages, test subjects, lab, Xander's little special cell. It has gas nozzles that haven't worked on him yet." Bucky nodded. "They've been working on some machine and Jensen said that it'd be ready tonight by what they said then they'd put him into it."
"Depends on the machine," Bucky said. Jake showed him the camera in the lab. "That's the wiping machine. Wipes your memories."
Steve pointed at something. "That's like the chamber I got put into."
"Okay," Roque agreed. "We're your backup unit. You guys got shit to prove we don't."
The two super soldiers nodded and moved carefully forward. Bucky was right behind Steve's right shoulder, where he usually was, and the HYDRA agents looked pleased to see them until they died. A female scientist he had seen ran out of a lab toward an alarm button. "Sorry, did I miss you during my mop up?" Bucky sneered, killing her. He stepped into the lab to take people down.
"We need their notes in case they did something to someone," Steve reminded him as he punched a guard up the hallway. "And someone to question in the labs."
"That's fine," Bucky agreed. Clay's team went to get the hostages. He and Bucky were working toward the test subjects. They'd get Xander last because he might have to be carried out specially. Or put in a muzzle if he was feral. They got most everyone out but the leftover guards were heading for Xander. One had stepped into his cell to kill him and hadn't come back out. The others didn't think to close the door when they turned to return fire at the soldiers. That was their last mistake. One lived long enough to notice who had killed him. Xander picked up one's gun and beat him with it until he died because his head was a pulpy mess. Then he shot the others around them.
"Xander, want a knife?" James called.
Xander sniffed at him then smirked. "Lighter fluid. They desecrated bodies here. We need to honor their spirits and send them off properly."
"We need to strip the information first so we can heal the living ones," Steve said. "Then you can burn it. Okay?"
Xander nodded, stepping over bodies and stomping up the hallway. Someone saw him and screamed. Xander sneered, grabbing her by the throat to slam against a wall. "Are you scared of me? Good," he purred.
"Xander, let her go. We need to question her," Bucky said. "We'll gut her later. We can have fun with the knives."
Xander sneered at her. "Still want me, baby? Those pheromones won't work the way you wanted but it did make me very...angry." She was trying to shake her head and cry. "You sure?" She cried harder. He let her go. "Let me go calm down." He stomped outside. The people in custody tried to get away from him. "Hmm. Albricht? Want a snack? We have to interrogate people," he called. A fuzzy little mop of demon appeared at his feet and barked. "Good boy." He petted it, picking it up to carry over. "The first one of you that spills everything you know, he gets to humanely put you down. The rest... he can feast on people for *weeks* if he needs to. And he has a whole clan of just as hungry puppies." They were trying to combine into a ball of human. Xander hauled one up. "Do I know you?"
"No!" he shrieked, staring to breathe hard. "Please! I don't want eaten!"
"I can torture you instead," Xander offered, putting Albricht onto someone else's head. They screamed like he was already eating them and started to beg Roque to tell him everything. Xander patted himself down then looked up. "Can I have my kit from the jeep?" he called. It fell to the ground. Xander scooped it up and looked. "Hmm. I can't be nice to you. The volgarn slime isn't in here." He picked up something else and sprinkled it on the guy's bare arm. Within seconds the guy was screaming and begging for mercy. "So," Xander said. "What was your bright idea?"
The man sobbed on Clay and told him everything he wanted to know. Xander grinned. "Good boy. Now if only there was an antidote to that poison. It does take about an hour to move from the initial spot it's put on but... Hmm. I guess that would mean cutting off your arm wouldn't it?" The guy had admitted working on Bucky's arm. "Kinda poetic, don't you think?" He pulled a knife off Roque and handed it down with a smile. "Up to you how you die." The man was crying but staring at his arm. He swung the blade to cut into it. Then chopped it off, vomiting on it at the end. "There, isn't that nicer? Of course, I have more," he said, looking at the others.
"Xander?" Bucky said. "Doing me proud, kid. Thanks."
Xander grinned back at him, picking up Albricht, who had been lapping someone. Her panic attack was so pretty. He looked at the dog, petting it. It wasn't deadly by any means but he wanted a cuddle of something soothing and soft. It was the demonic hair puppy or Jensen. Jensen was presently beating someone. Xander threw the knife he had stolen off Roque at the guy Jensen fought, hitting him in the arm. Jake pulled it out and used it on the guy to kill him. "Thanks, Jensen."
"Welcome, Xander. Usually I'd rip something off to beat them with but sometimes knives are cool." He dragged the body back over. "He won't try to escape again."
Steve blinked. "Wow," he said. Jake smiled at him. "Good job beating him, Jensen. I'd like to spar with you sometimes. I haven't seen that one move used."
"He learned it off a movie," Roque complained, taking his knife back. He looked at the kit Xander had. "Teach me those, kid."
Xander hugged him. "Of course I can. It's not that hard to find and Jensen plays a mean hand of kitten poker for supplies." He pulled out another bottle, reading it. "Yup, that's the flame potion instead of the portal opening one." He shook it, looking at the bleeding stump then at the others. "Well, let's make sure he survives to a trial." He poured a few drops onto the stump, making the guy scream but it cauterized the stump and burned a few more inches up. "Cool." He looked at the others.
One just made him want to puke. "So," he said, staring right at her. "Now that you have me and you figured out you can't breed me, what're you going to do now?" She shrieked and lunged at him. He threw the flame potion onto her. "Huh. Pity." Cougar doused her with water. It made the flames go higher. "It'll only do superficial damage for a few hours." Albricht was edgy so he moved the poor demonic hair dog away from the flames. "I'd never let you get hurt that way, Albricht. You're a good boy." He petted him again.
"What puts her out?" Jake asked, grimacing. "She stinks, Xander."
"Sand, things like that. Which is probably a bitch to get out of burns." Pooch grabbed a fire extinguisher and used it on her. "I guess that'll work." He smirked. "You wanted to breed me to who?" he demanded with a grin. "And which one of us would've been the mom?" She pointed a finger at Bucky then fell down. "Where's the stored sperm, dear?" She mouthed 'kill me' at Roque.
"Hell no, I'm not the nice fairy. I'd add more potion."
"I can find some portal potion. It'll slowly engulf her body in one," Xander said, petting the dog.
"Too easy," Jake said. "What else is in the bag?"
"The lab's in Sweden," one of the others said. "It's inside a hill. It's specially protected and has special precautions. None of us have been there. Please don't torture the rest of us?"
"You kidnaped me and tried to drug me," Xander told her. "You don't think I should do it back?"
"We want to advance humanity! That way they have protectors in the future."
Xander stared at her. "If I wanted it to be my kids, I'd have someone like Dr. Banner undo the DNA taint so I could impregnate someone. A few of the slayers would probably volunteer. Why would I do that to my kids? I'd never consign them to the hell I've been through." She cried. "None of us that do this job are having kids for the same reason. We don't want our kids in our hell." He walked off petting the dog. He looked at him. "It was mean but she injected herself with some of my blood." The dog barked and lapped him. "Thanks, puppy dog."
"Which one injected themselves with his blood?" Steve demanded. They pointed at the burned one. "Hoping for the mermaid taint's effects?" They nodded.
"Dumbass," Bucky said, walking after Xander. "You calmer now?"
"Maybe. Could use a cheeseburger for some reason." He looked at him. "I think one of the gasses they tried gave me the munchies."
"Could be. We need to find out what it was and if you're spreading something."
"Then shouldn't you be farther away from me?"
"I have super healing gifts," he said dryly, staring at him. Xander shrugged and relaxed. Bucky patted him on the arm. "We'll let Bruce pull blood again."
"If he must. I hate needles." He looked at the dog. "Wanna come with us?" It barked happily. "Cool." He carried it to the jeeps. "How are we getting home, guys?" He looked back. "Or are we stopping in Sweden first?"
"We'll get the rest of the team to bust them, Xander," Steve said. "Sit in the jeep." He nodded and did that, petting the mop of dog hair. He looked at Clay. "Coming with us?"
"We'll do prisoner escort so you two can get Goofy calmed down," he said quietly. "I doubt they'll give us any problems."
"I can ride with you. Bucky, you get Xander back via ...however. I'll go with the prisoners and meet you at the tower so we can go raid Sweden."
"Got it." He texted Willow, who came to pick them and the dog up, taking them to the tower. "Thank you."
"Welcome. What did they do to you, Xander? You stink and you're petting a pile of demonic dog fur." It barked at her. "Oh, you're one of those. Cool." She petted it, taking it with her. "The girls will adore you. They wanted a pet and Wade can't eat you so you're a safer one than goldfish." She disappeared. Wade hated dogs so she could torture him a little bit until he went to Buffy to stop her, which would mean Buffy could talk him into sex sooner. It worked out well for everyone.
"Doc, he got gassed a number of times," Bucky said. "He said one's giving him the munchies."
"I can figure that out," he said, taking ear swabs, skin swabs, and then blood. He pushed Xander down since he was staring outside again. "Nap, Xander." Bucky shut the curtain for him. "Thanks." He turned up the desk lamps and got to testing. "Anything good?"
"They were going to manipulate mine and his sperm to make a kid somehow," Bucky said.
Bruce stared at him. "Where is it stored?"
"Sweden. Stevie's on his way back with the prisoners."
"I took out the one that injected herself with my blood before she could change," Xander said quietly.
"She's still living but if she changes into a mermaid, we'll put her out of our misery before she eats someone," Bucky promised, sending that text to Steve. That made more sense than Xander just randomly torturing someone. "What about the guy with the arm?"
"That was the hand he used to get sperm. I hated that suction tube but that's the hand he used to put it on me." He stared at James. "Fuck him and the bitch he rode in on. He doesn't need that arm."
"No, I wouldn't have left it there either. Especially since he used to work on my arm." Xander grinned. "Rest. I'll get you a cheeseburger and come back."
"And fries? I haven't had fries in ages."
"Sure, and fries." He walked off, looking happier. He even got the kid a milkshake because Xander needed the calories and calcium.
***
Steve stepped off the elevator, going to the bathroom to clean up then come out for the meeting. "Sweden's site found?"
"Found, mapped," Natasha said, handing it over. "Security grid's not looking exceptionally great. We've seen worse from Stark in a pissy mood."
"They bought Hammer tech," Stark said dryly. "It's already a failure in the making." He looked at him. "A recon team is already there watching things."
"Even if they do take out the sperm samples I'd be really happy," Bucky said. "Steve, he's still down there. They gave him some nasty gas samples and one's making him hum and call everyone kittens at the moment."
"Great. The last one?"
"They took longer to work on him," Bruce said. "It could've been the first or second. I couldn't tell the ratio of use or which order. The notes?"
"Coming from Fury."
Bruce nodded, looking at his email. He sent one to Hill. "Hill said we don't need to know."
"I'll yell at her later," Stark said, hacking into SHIELD's files to get them. As soon as they were uploaded he grabbed them and handed them via printout to Bruce. He went downstairs to work on Xander. He looked at Coulson's team. "Cap, these are science geeks, a hacker, and Coulson's backup agent." May nodded at him.
Natasha's phone rang. "Hill said we are not to go on this op," she read. "That if we go we are fired." She sent back a 'please do and then we'll talk to the press after we bust that site'.
"You know what, let me tell Pepper about that idea," Stark said, emailing her. She sent back a 'handled'. "Oooh, she's using single words." Coulson shivered too. He looked at him. "You good?"
"I've been a bit better without the hole in my leg." He looked at Clint, who was still scowling at him. "I would've sent you word but no one would tell me where you two were and as soon as I got strong enough, I got my new team," he said quietly.
Clint stared at him then at May, who nodded. "Fury had me put together one that he'd suggest to Phil to keep him under watch and busy. I've been reporting directly back to Fury about his health."
"I'm all for fulfilling the kid's vision about SHIELD falling in and Fury dying after we bust the breeding operation. Who knows what we'll find up there," Stark said. The others nodded. "Coulson?"
"I made it through Havana with worse while being chased by a death squad," he said simply. Clint grinned at him. "You're still paying to fix the hole in those pants."
"Aww," Stark and Bucky said.
Coulson shot them a lower powered glare. "Do stop. Thank you." Steve was grinning too. "I was his handler since he came in. Natasha's too."
"I will pay you back for not telling us later, once you have healed," she said simply. "I have patience and can hunt."
Bruce came off the elevator. "I've had the feed on down there. Xander's calling someone speaking something I don't understand. Does he have a cult to him?"
"Don't tempt his ex's," Clint moaned. "Please, Doc, don't tempt his ex's."
Xander limped off the elevator. "Computer?" he asked. Natasha handed over hers. He got onto a site and put in the password. Didn't work. He tried the other one. No go. So he used his administrative one. That worked and he got onto a certain page, handing it to Stark. "The Council hired."
"To make babies using slayer eggs. Probably gives it some advantages," Stark read. "What is this site?"
"Rising Moon is the UK version of Rising Tide," Skye said. "It looks like their logo."
Xander grinned at her. "They have a pagan network." She shuddered. "They've been going through the wreckage of the old council buildings. That site is on the research they found notes on so we can correlate." He sat down, rubbing his knee. Stark stared at him over the monitor. "I twisted it falling out of bed to escape the floating jellyfish."
"I've had a few of those," Stark admitted, going back to it. He looked them over. "Fuck, the old Council was brutal and idiots." He looked at Bruce. "One of their trainee, uncalled slayers got exposed to the same things you did that made the Other Guy to see if it'd make her a stronger potential slayer."
Xander nodded. "We heard from one of the research guys who sneered. Giles was most distressed he was plotting to get back to the old ways. I showed back up to quietly question him and then called in the hackers to go search things for me. They've since moved on to putting the books into an online format on another site."
"That's probably what my AI searched to find out what all your marks were."
Xander shook his head. "They haven't gotten to that section yet. They're still in the prophecy section. Not translating anything, just copying and scanning things in." He shifted again. "I need to get this out there before it bites us. I haven't told Giles yet."
"He might forbid it. Or it'd make all those former HYDRA agents look odd," May said.
"Giles won't forbid it and we have a good explanation for them. Including that we've got an apocalypse battle in eight years that's looking like most of us at it will die. We're bulking up training. Also, some demons have given us their pets as a sign of respect and so the girls aren't alone. And Wade." He grinned at her. "I need someone to help me get that out there."
Tony texted Pepper, who came up to get him and take him to talk about it. Bruce went with her to monitor Xander's hallucination levels.
***
Xander looked at the reporters in Constantine, Algeria a few days later. He smiled at the woman who had just breathed 'you're the one that backs up the African slayers'. "I am, yes." She stared up at him with puppy adoration. He looked at them. "Guys, can you hear me?" They nodded. "First, we've got two statements for the New Watchers Council today. The first is a bit odd. Due to an upcoming *seen*, as in had a vision about it, apocalypse battle in eight years, we have been given gifts by some higher demons so the girls won't be alone in the battle.
"They are mostly agents and soldiers that were...well, quite a few had been found to be HYDRA. They had made deals to get out of things and were indentured to the Council for ten years. That way the girls had someone they could almost trust to back them up." They all stared. "While we appreciate them and the ones that had been SHIELD that got given to us as permanent duty assignments, who had all been trained by us to handle apocalypse battles with the slayers, we know it looks a bit weird. So I'm clearing up that misconception at the moment."
"Permanent duty assignments?" one asked.
"Basically we're their jail sentence." That got a few nods. "We appreciate them more than a few of the others. They know how to handle working with bouncy slayers on a sugar high." He grinned. "Because we keep the girls as girls as much as humanly possible. We want all the slayers to be as normal as possible for as long as possible."
"Is that why the calling was rescinded for some?" a male reporter on the left said. They had mostly segregated by gender.
"Yes. We asked for a boon after a fight that included a higher power. She took the calling from anyone under the age of sixteen so they could have childhoods and be girls. They train before then in simple things, like how to get away if something still attacks them, but the real training starts after sixteen now and goes until they're cleared for patrol sometime after they're eighteen." He nodded, smiling. "The other statement isn't quite as happy," he admitted, grimacing some. "Thanks to all the HYDRA finding, some things leaked out. We went looking in the old Council building, the ones that the First Evil's minions blew up, and the others they had spread around.
"The Council was apparently trying to genetically breed better future watchers and slayers by manipulating DNA and using former strong slayers' eggs. They sub-contracted that to a certain HYDRA base. When the hackers I asked to go looking through the wreckage found that they told me and went looking for more." He held up a folder. "There's about ten of these. I didn't get to make too many copies due to the power going out." He handed them to one of each gender of reporter. "We found out who they had sub-contracted to. Where they were at that time, and then all the other idiot projects they had. Frankly, most of us are kinda glad they're dead. I told Giles and he went on a swearing rip in nine languages, all of them consigning them to hell. I can't say mine was much better."
"Are they ongoing?" a female reporter asked.
"No. What little we found that may be going on, I asked someone a personal favor to check into and it got back to the Avengers. We can't be sure they weren't working on multiple breeding projects there and it's better that someone like Stark, who won't use it for public or private gain, finds them and destroys it. If there's anything of scientific merit that may help infertile couples, someone like Stark would give out that information without the rest. I trust him to do that and he swore to me he would." They all nodded.
"The real problem is some of those projects were regrettably disgusting. Trust me, the new Council, we don't do that. If we find anyone in common with them, they're gone as soon as we have evidence naming them there. By the way, we're hiring again." A few laughed. "A few of the research council had been part of it. That's how a minor HYDRA research station kidnaped me from the village I was in earlier this week. Thankfully I'm no longer hallucinating thanks to the gas they gave me so they could get semen samples. I'm going to make sure mine are all gone. Stark promised he'd see them destroyed." He smiled.
"So, yeah, the last incarnation, totally stupid and slightly evil. We knew that though, we hated them when they showed up to taunt Buffy more than once. The old Sunnydale team, which is now the head of the Council, did without Council support for years because Buffy fired them for taking her mom hostage and putting her in a house with a deranged vampire, after they had done their little test by removing her powers to stick her in with them. We hated them until they blew up and we faked some sympathy for the friends Giles lost, but mostly we just cheered quietly that they were down, until we realized why." He leaned on the lectern.
"We are not the old Council. We need to make sure people know we're not the old Council. I'd gouge my remaining eye out if I ever turn into them." He looked around. "The last thing I'm going to do," he said, looking at the staring officials. "Is open up the door behind me to one of the ancient offices so the researchers at the university can study it. I'm sure there's all sorts of things they can learn from the furniture and the books we're pretty sure are in the library." He turned and pulled out Giles' ring, putting it onto the door frame in the right spot. Then he opened the door. Still the shield. He laid a hand on it, wearing the ring now. It fell with a crash and a bang. Xander looked inside.
"It looks safe but if the officials would like to follow me I'll make sure first. Just in case they had something trapped. We were never sure why they abandoned this office." They nodded, following him. Xander found the demon in the office, scowling at it. "Go away." It huffed. "Begone," he said, casting it out. The other two in there also left. That left one powerful one and he threw holy water on it. "I said go." It fled with a sigh of pleasure. "And leave people alone before I have to kill you." He grinned. "This was the main office. I need to box up a few things for Giles. Our researchers will be here tonight to work with yours."
"This is most generous, Watcher Harris," one said, clasping hands with him. "Many students will enjoy this."
"I figured they would. You find some of the strangest things in the old libraries. We found one in Demotic, the ancient language, talking about tentacle sex once." The guy laughed. "Seriously. It creeped the slayers out." He got what he needed to be boxed up and searched the desk, taking the other personal things. "There." He carried it while they went to the library. The large, pouty demon in there stared at him. "Are you bound or trapped?" he asked.
"Bound," he complained. "For another hundred-thirty-one years."
"Okay. Don't hurt anyone. We're letting normals look in this ancient library center and the current research team will be over later tonight. Plus some people to digitize the books."
"That would be great," the demon agreed. "People to finally talk to." He smiled at them. "I have been very bored and the books got old a few centuries back."
"We will not bother you if you do not bother us, but we would gladly talk to you about the things you have been around for," one said.
The demon squealed and clapped. "I'd like that. Thank you."
"You're quite welcome. I know some history professors who would drool on you for what you've seen." He smiled, looking at the books. "Why is that one covered?"
"It's how some of the old lines got stopped by sacrificing themselves for power," the demon admitted. "Including to a kraken a few times," he said, looking at Xander.
"We found one of those."
The demon looked up then at him. "The one you mentioned is having fits."
"About what?"
"I do not know."
"If he wants me, he'll call but thank you for that warning." He patted him on the arm. "Rest. They'll be in and out of here for years yet." He walked off, leaving them in there. He waved at the reporters and Willow brought him home. He presented the box to Giles. "They have a bound demon in the library."
"That figures," Giles said, looking at the personal belongings. "That one may have family left." He smiled. "Thank you for both duties, Xander." He took his ring back.
"Welcome." He walked off happier. "Andrew, please feed the hallucinations? The jellyfish are hungry again."
"I can do that, Xander." He gave them food and let Xander sit down to eat for each one since they were psychic and couldn't eat on their own. They had come to Xander because he could get them all nourishment without getting sick of food.
***
Up in Sweden, Tony Stark was having an absolute fit. No one was going to calm him down. Steve and Bucky were in horrified shock.
In front of them was the cryo stored infant clone of Howard Stark. Never revived after being put in there by the card on the cryo unit.
Natasha looked at it. "Stark?" she asked quietly.
"Find me who did this so I can end their asses, Romanoff," he ordered coldly. "And find me a facility I can store the clone in. I don't want to wake it at this time but I have no idea about anything else." He rubbed his forehead, looking at Steve.
"I'm all for ending the clone. I don't like clones, even if it was Howard," he said quietly.
Bucky nodded. "Me too, Stark. It's too dangerous."
Stark nodded. "It won't be woken up unless I'm sure it's a good idea and right now I'm with the burning option."
Simmons walked in and stared at Stark. "We found six vials listed as untampered with of your father's sperm. Also two from your mother's eggs. We also found two that were tampered with and a code we're not sure of yet."
Steve hit the button to burn the clone, not watching the unit seal itself for the intense burst of heat and radiation. "We can store them in case you want to do that, Tony." He touched him on the shoulder. "Who knows what they did to the clone. It could've been evil."
Tony snorted but looked happier and more relaxed. "I can agree with that. Those, anything of mine, Xander's, or any avengers go to my lab and only my lab," he told her. She nodded, going to pack those up into separate containers.
"Xander wanted his burned," Bucky reminded him.
"I want to answer his question of if he's fertile or not," Stark said. "Not use it. I'll burn it after that." They nodded.
Fitz leaned in, looking grim. "We found egg samples from some of the current slayers."
"No," Stark said. "My lab and only my lab so they can make that decision and we can find out why." He nodded. "Just pack them all up and we'll sort it out at home."
"Got it," he said, repeating that order. The scientists that Stark had brought in from his own people were doing that. He had made sure no one could say 'hail, HYDRA' under that spell on a touchstone.
***
Six days later, Xander walked up to an agent he tolerated. "Come with me," he said firmly but quietly. "I'm fetching for you." He walked off. The agent followed him to his rental car and to the doctor's office. Xander got out and walked in, heading into the back. The nurses tried to stop him. He stared at one. "Did you know he took eggs from the slayers and sold them?" They backed off, shaking their heads. "Good." He found the doctor he wanted and dragged him off. "Ladies, I'm sorry about your OB/GYN but he was found to be selling slayer eggs for commercial and scientific uses." A few shuddered. "I can't let that go on." He dragged him down to the car no matter how much the guy struggled. Xander handed him to the agent then pulled papers out of his back pocket. "Invoices where he sold eggs and got paid for it. We found three slayers under fertility meds this morning when we heard from Stark and checked."
"This is more than enough for an arrest warrant, Xander," he agreed. "If you had told me, I could've gotten into his files already."
"He has current patients. Me busting in is a bit nicer to them than agents busting in. His nurses swear they didn't know."
"Got it." He called that in. His boss sent him immediate backup and he arrested the doctor to go back to the office. "Next time, a head's up, Xander, so we can be waiting."
"Sorry, I'm used to corrupt officers who need a better second paycheck or just don't care." He walked off. "I'm having to buy ice cream."
"Have fun." His boss showed up, looking over the invoices. They were scanned in so the agent going to the judge would have them. The judge signed the order immediately. "I hate this HYDRA group," he told his boss. "I really do."
"We all hate HYDRA and their Nazi leanings and all that. I'm glad we're catching them all before they could screw everyone up worse."
Xander was looking up the lab he wanted and sent it to James. He'd like to look at Loki's scepter.
***
Xander flopped down on Mother Nature's cushion when he made it back to her village, sighing at her. "Will you still love me if I keep the stupid psychic jellyfish? And if they're yours, can you please recall the starving things before I get fat?"
She frowned, running a hand over his head. "I don't sense anything." Xander concentrated and they appeared swimming around his head, begging for garlic bread. "What on earth?" She tested them. "That's very weird, Xander."
"I got them when they tried to gas me at the HYDRA base." He looked at her. "I'm eating too much and I'm getting fat."
"You're not fat, dear. You'll work most of it off in a few weeks anyway." She touched one and had a sudden headache. "Oh. Oh, dear." Xander helped her lay down. "That's nicer. Thank you." She stared at them. "Are they demonic?"
"We think they're an energy manifestation."
"Not even Strife had problems like that." She stared at them. Xander leaned against her side, letting her pat over his hair.
Bucky strode in and sprinkled something on them. They dried up and turned smaller and quieter but didn't die. One split into two tiny jellyfish. "I was hoping that'd work."
Xander looked up at him. "At least they're wanting meat now instead of garlic bread. Think I can pass them on?"
"That might be evil, dear," Mother Nature said. She yanked on his hair. "An African Earth goddess, love?"
"You are," he said. "Among other things."
"Point I suppose." She frowned at them. "I have no idea what they are."
Xander flipped over to point. "I named her after Buffy. She likes mocha lattes. That one's named after Willow because she wants veggies and trail mix. That one's Cordelia. She only wants really great chocolates while the one next to her is named after Anya because she wants chocolate pudding." He looked at the new one off Anya, who smiled at him and waved her tentacles happily while asking for lamb. "I'll name you after Joyce because she used to be a good cook." He looked at Bucky then at Gaia. "Maybe if others could see them I'd get fewer funny looks."
Bucky nodded. "We thought you were still hallucinating. Bruce was thinking about meds." He took a picture with Xander's camera then uploaded it to his phone to send to Giles, Natasha, and Stark with the information that no one knew what they were beyond hungry psychic jellyfish Xander had named.
"Tell Bruce they really liked his spaghetti and meatballs the other night," Xander said. All the jellyfish were wiggling and chanting about it. "See?"
He made that note to Bruce, who was amused but said he had no idea how to deal with psychic manifestations and was it like being haunted? James looked at him. "Bruce wanted to know if it was like being haunted."
"No, I've had that problem," Xander said dryly. "Anya floated after me for six months." Gaia stroked her nails through his hair. "Thanks, Mom."
"Welcome, dear." Jake walked in and hugged her hard. "Good afternoon, Jake."
He looked at the jellyfish. "I knew I had seen them. You were meditating and they showed up." He grabbed the water buckets and went to get her some. Xander went with him to help. The hut needed cleaned. The shaman were both staring at the jellyfish but Xander shrugged. Jake grinned. "Someone tried to gas him and they showed up. They're always hungry." The shaman just nodded and tried to poke one of them, making her giggle and wrap around his hand to cuddle him and beg him for his berries.
"Can't you have non-weird problems?" Roque demanded, staring at them.
"Apparently not," Xander quipped. "But I think one's adopted the junior shaman so he can eat for her. That would be Joyce, who just split from Anya." He looked at Jake. "Maybe I'll go see my mom. She might know."
"Maybe," Jake agreed. "If not, her boss might. He's probably seen weirder than floating psychic jellyfish. Just look at Spike and Dru."
Xander looked at them then at Jake. "Think this is how Dru wanted to nag me to eat?"
James walked toward them. "Giles said that they're the manifestation of a feeling that got a Fury to punish you lightly. Whatever that means."
"Sure, it was Dru," he decided. He looked up. "If it ruins my abs, I'll get you back for it," he called. They grew. Willow appeared, looking at them and touching one. She made them fully visible. "Any idea who sent them?"
"Feels like Dru. I think this is how her stars told her to mother and baby you, Xander." She grinned and disappeared.
Xander looked at the others. James was taking new pictures to spread around.
Down in Cleveland, Wade got told by one of the slayers gossiping. He could fix that. His 'grandmother' would be pleased with how vicious he could be. He walked upstairs and found Spike up there. "I'm going to stake Dru."
"She has one of those psychic things herself. It used to nag her to eat her blood," Spike said dryly. "They can only appear on people who have visions."
"Great. Want one last night with her?"
Spike nodded and followed him to the sunblocked car. He taught Wade about the various vampire travel options. Wade paid for a portal and Spike went to greet his dark princess. She was already naked on her bed, smiling at him. "That's mean, Dru love. You know Harris has gotten meaner. He even tortured someone."
"I was of proud of our baby, Spike. He's such a good boy at it." She lifted a hand, smiling at him. "I've missed you."
"I've missed you too." He stripped down and pounced her. It was always good with her. And if Wade got her right before he got off, then pointed at the stake she had been holding, Spike could make a new princess. Vampires were adaptable that way. He'd mourn Dru later. Maybe he'd finally go turn Xander. Or that guy that roamed with him sometimes, the one with the arm. He'd make an exceptional pet vampire. And Wade was a good minion for him. He was family after all.
The End.
Offspring In A New Life.