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Xander's new life, in his very own kingdom, isn't what everyone would expect...

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Offspring In A New Life.

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Six months later, Xander looked up from his spot in the center of the destruction, staring at the woman walking toward him. "What did you do, Xander?" she asked quietly and calmly.

He pointed at the arch. "I stopped the invasion," he said. "By creating a hellmouth inside their portal." He let his arm drop and looked at her. "Because it stopped something that wasn't killed by artillery. Or by weapons. Or by fire. Or by magic. It killed it and saved everyone from the flesh eating little bastards. I'm sorry but ...I didn't have much choice beyond sacrificing myself to close it and he'd still be here with no one to stop him."

She looked at the mess and nodded. "You did an excellent job of stopping it." He slumped but nodded, looking at the mess again. "We will talk. Perhaps we can close this one sooner."

Xander shook his head. "If we do, it'll reopen the portal." He let out an exhausted sounding, almost hysterical, little chuckle. "Six units of national army, plus two different militias in the area they asked for help. Three slayers I called from Cleveland, all Giles could send me right then. All of the apocalypse closet I've built up. Two mages, full mages, that nearly died trying to end the portal. And that was my only thought, that I could stop it one of the two ways. And I think I did it this way because I'm a coward."

She swatted him on the head. "It's not cowardice to know you're needed to fight another day, Xander. Do not say that." He looked up at her again, looking like a lost little kid. "It's not the best decision but of the two, it's the better one. We need you here to help with other things." He slumped but nodded, looking at his hands. "Let's clean up some of this mess."

"I had them evacuate when we made the hellmouth," he said, talking to his hands. "Everyone but me and the mages and the demons pouring through. They shot at them to give us cover. The mages got carried off to be treated but they left me alone here. They knew it's evil. Saved them but it's evil. I did the horrible thing and brought evil here to save everyone."

She petted over his hair. "A hellmouth is not evil. It's energy. Like magic is, Xander. It matters what you do with it that names it evil." He looked up at her, looking hopeful again. "We can set up guardians here. Can we take down the archway?" He shrugged. "I'll see. Call James?"

"No. I don't want to hear the bitching. I'll get enough of that when I report to Giles," he said quietly. "I can't take it from others. I...I can't." She nodded, putting him to sleep for now. She went to repair some of the damage. She felt the intent and the actuality of the spell. They had done it the right way. It had saved everyone. She turned at the cleared throat. "I'm seeing if we can remove the physical gateway."

The general nodded. "We used half of our stores of artillery and missiles, ma'am. They can't do that again, right?" he asked in the native dialect.

"No. Unless we end this hellmouth they cannot open their portal here again." He stared at her. "We can find a way to make sure they can't open it at all later." He nodded. "For now, let Xander rest."

"We ...a few of the soldiers are looking at him like he's a minor old god."

She smiled. "Not exactly." He snorted. "I can handle him. He can rest with me."

He nodded. "Thank you. What do we do now?"

"Any hellmouth is just a leak of energy from between realms until someone uses it." She looked at it. "It'll rip and grow if I take down the physical structure." She looked at him again, smiling some. "I would suggest guards. Or a guardian."

"We can make some. Will the slayers move here?"

"There's only so many for the continent but I can see one moving here, yes." He nodded and bowed, backing away from her. "I wish he'd had another way."

"Ma'am, we were all going to die. We had already lost half of the soldiers to it. He made sure everyone on this continent is safe. Even if he did it by giving this one area more danger. We respect that and don't blame him. He solved it and saved lives." He left, going to talk to his leaders. They were watching. The boy was still curled up on the ground in a fetal position, but now he was resting. The woman, who had to be some sort of ancient goddess sort, soothed the power flows then went to pick up Xander to take him with her. They could set up guardians and ask the local slayer to move here with the guard unit. It would be safest.

***

Giles accepted the priority mail package, noting it was Xander's report from Africa. The three slayers he had been able to send him had reappeared in the house nearly dead from the problem going on, their emergency recall spells had been used. He had no idea what had happened and the news was not saying a single thing. They had successfully covered things up this time. He settled in his favorite chair in the living room, opening the package. Inside was a handbound book of paper. It looked like handmade paper. On the front was inked 'how I nearly ended the world to save it' and 'by Xander Harris'. The title wasn't capitalized and the stick figure drawings weren't happy looking either. He flipped through it, seeing the story of the warning about the invasion.

The inside cover was blank. The other page had the first image. A vision. A picture of a stick figure Xander holding his head and writing something. He turned the page.

A military. A single stick figure talking to the guy in front of an army of stick figures with guns.

The page across from it showed trucks carrying what looked like long bricks. He turned the page.

An archway, looking like piled stones. With a swirly thing in the center. A portal. The stick figures were shooting at the portal and the figures coming out that looked rather like blobs.

On the facing page, the bricks turned out to be artillery. The blobs were shaking them off. Giles felt his stomach plummet.

The next page was three female stick figures appearing with swords. The slayers. They were helping the soldiers and the single stick figure. There weren't hardly any dead blobs.

On the facing page, two male figures with rays of light around them showed up. The stick figure that was probably Xander rushed to them with a text bubble above his head that had the simple word 'help' in it.

He turned the page. The slayers were down. Xander and the magic users were working on something because the soldiers were creating a mess of stick figures on the ground. The blobs had grown in number and still almost none were dead.

The facing page had the military using heavier equipment, including a jet. Still a field full of blobs and dead bodies. But the slayers had been removed. People were removing the dead bodies on stretchers. Some of the blobs were on top of the dead.

The next page had Xander and the two magic users together. The military was running while shooting. The three men were engulfed in twinkly lines of light. Then the swirly portal thing turned in the opposite direction. Giles checked but the portal was spinning backwards.

He turned the page. These two were one whole picture. Now the archway had a star field in it. The military had gotten free. No blobs were left. Just a single stick figure on the ground staring at it. The two magic users were holding each other up in the corner of the second page. Giles stared at it. Especially that portal.

"Oh, fuck," he whispered, calling Xander's phone. "What is the starfield?" he asked. A female voice told him Xander was back in his mind and not willing to come out at the moment from the strain and the pain he was giving himself. But she told him what it was. His stomach sank. "Is it radiating, ma'am? Would you know anything about it?" He nodded at what she knew and sighed. "I will pick a senior girl to come guard it. Not one of the baby slayers, but one with experience. One who can handle a full hellmouth by herself. I'll send her to Xander in two days.

"Thank you for telling me. Tell him I'm worried about him and the effects but he did what he had to do." She agreed and told him the full report Xander had typed out on his phone. He sighed. "Then it was truly a last ditch to save everyone. Thank you and tell him to call me when he's ready. I'd like to get him somewhere more quiet for a while so he has time to recover." She hung up saying that to him. Giles hung up and got up, taking the book with him. He found the senior girls all having an ice cream chat while talking about patrol routes. "Sarji, pack. You're going to Africa to guard the new hellmouth." Everyone stopped and stared at him. "It's a new rip but the woman who answered Xander's phone said it's not radiating a lot. You'll have military support there."

"How did a new hellmouth start, Giles?" Buffy asked, putting down her ice cream and spoon.

"It was the only way to stop the invasion," he said. "It countered their portal and sucked it back in. Because they lost a good portion of a national military to stop it." She stared at him, eyes starting to water. "Xander helped them, let them use his hellmouth taint to create the new one. He's still in shock." He let her have the book. She flipped through it, almost crying now. He patted her on the back. "We will make sure this one does not turn into another version of Sunnydale," he said quietly.

She looked up at him. "Was that where the three girls were injured?" He nodded. "Was it like our invasion?"

"I have no idea. Xander doesn't draw very well," he said dryly. "His report didn't have a species name."

She nodded, handing it to Sarji. "It looks like it was horrible."

One of the girls nodded. "I took the report after they got back. It's on your desk, Giles." She looked at Buffy again. "They said it was the only hope they had. The mages couldn't close the portal. The military's stuff wasn't working to kill anything. Even the two jets they had with missiles didn't help kill anything. One of them said when she fell, at least two of the six units of their military were down and probably dead to the flesh eaters. They were crying because they had no idea how to stop it. They were all praying Xander got a wacky idea and used it, and that it worked."

"It did," Giles said, taking off his glasses to hold them. "The new hellmouth sucked in the portal. It stopped all the little biters and sucked them home."

Sarji nodded, going to pack. "Does it ever get chilly there?" she called as she walked.

"Call Clay and ask," Buffy called after her. "He'd know. He was helping the girls down there." She looked at Giles. "Is Xander okay? Really injured?"

"Worn out, in shock from what she said. He's basically slept through the last two days." Buffy nodded. "I told her to tell him to come home so he could rest. She said she'd suggest it."

"If not, call Jake and have him talk to him. He and Xander email all the time," Buffy said.

"I have no idea how to do that, Buffy. I don't have his number."

One of the girls took the book off the table and went to the computer lab to scan it in and send it to Jake's email. She got back a 'thank you and I'll check on Xander'. She sent back Giles' offer of a vacation to heal and that Sarji was going, so to expect her to call. They said they'd call her and be over in a few to talk to her. She went back to the kitchen to reclaim her ice cream. "They're coming to help Sarji pack and Jensen said he'd check on Xander for us."

"That'll help, thank you," Giles said with a smile for her. He looked at Buffy. "We'll have him teach us how to get some of the girls ready for that harsher environment." She nodded. He went to his office to make notes, getting the book to file with the report. "I hope this is the only one I ever get in storybook form," he muttered to himself. "That nothing else requires this form of report."

***

James hung up his phone and threw it. Natasha ducked since they were in the same gym. He stomped off. "Steve, gotta go."

"What happened?" he asked, jogging after him.

Natasha looked at the file downloading into his phone, going over it. She winced and took the phone up to Steve's apartment, stopping Bucky by getting in his way. She showed him that file. "It was a battle like the one in Los Angeles."

He took the phone, staring at the pictures. "He's crap at drawing," he complained but he got the point. He sat down at the end picture. "He had to create a hellmouth," he sighed. "Fuck!" He grabbed his jacket. Steve stopped him and handed him his go bag, getting a nod. "Anyone going with me to see this new hellmouth?"

"I'll go," Clint said. "I've been in Africa before."

"Xander said he would've talked to you during one of them but you were busy taking out someone he wanted to die horribly," James said dryly. He looked at Steve.

"Go. I'll be here. I don't want to stress anyone out." James nodded. "Yell if you need backup. Please?"

James smirked at him. "I probably won't." He went upstairs to the landing pad, taking the team's quin jet. Clint sat in the copilots' seat. They took off within minutes and were heading there at supersonic speeds. The only good thing about SHIELD was they had some of the best toys.

***

James landed outside the village and walked over, nodding at the staring people. "He still here?" A few nodded. "Good." He walked in. "Mother. What happened?"

"He's still in shock," she said, stroking over Xander's hair. "He'll wake up but not respond, just go back to sleep."

"I've been in that state." He squatted down, looking at Xander. He poked him until the kid blinked at him. "Tell me what you had to do, Xander. All I got was the story book." Xander repeated his report quietly, staring at him. He nodded and hugged him. "Then it was the only choice."

"I could've done it personally instead. I hesitated."

"Good! There was no necessity for a suicide play." Xander went limp but shrugged. "C'mon. Clint's here." Xander shook his head, not getting up. James pulled him up and outside, making him squint at the sun. "Xander, this is Clint."

"Hey," Clint said, shaking his hand. "You okay?"

"No. I'm not sure I made the right decision about how to end that." He wandered back inside and laid back down.

Clint looked at James. "He had the magic users start the hellmouth instead of stepping in to do it himself," he said quietly. "He's not sure it was the right thing."

"That's burnout."

"It's been there for years."

Gaia came out. "Boys, the slayer will be there later today. Can you greet her?" They nodded. "I'll talk to Xander about things."

"He's coming back to New York with me. Steve knows someone who can help him."

"Tomorrow, James. Go greet the slayer for him." James nodded, taking the map she handed him. "Come back and spend the night then go." He nodded, leaving with Clint. She settled in to soothe his pains and doubts. The fact he could consider the other a possible better option was sad. "The mages you had helping have said they had no trouble helping you and they didn't wear themselves down, Xander."

"I could have done it sooner, sparing a lot of lives," he said quietly. "They all stared at me like I should've done it within minutes of us finding out weapons weren't working."

"They're wrong, Xander. Very wrong." He nodded, swallowing hard. She cuddled him. "You sacrificing yourself would not have made anything easier or better. You realizing you had to do the spell sooner might have but you're not omnipotent. Neither am I." He looked up at her. "I'm just glad you got it solved. You stopped it with them. You acted to save who you could when you realized things weren't working. You got the slayers home when they fell." He nodded, putting his head back onto her thigh. She sighed and petted his hair. "James will tell you the same thing tonight."

"I...I should probably leave so he can't find me and yell. He'll bitch."

"He will not. He said he's taking you back with him for a bit so you can talk to a few people and take a vacation. You could use a vacation with pretty girls who want to flirt with you." He let out a bitter snort. "Some will."

"They see the eye patch and scars and run the other way, Mother," he said quietly. "Have since I lost the eye. I'm not the wanted ass sort. I'm the sort that you maybe fuck in the club and then forget about. Not the sort you bring home to meet your relatives."

"You are so. You just have to find the right one."

He looked up at her. "I think he died when I was younger. Even though I don't think he could handle this present me either. He would've hated the hunting." He put his head back down.

"There's people out there who would find you charming."

"How psychotic are they?" he asked, still sounding bitter. "Most of my dates have been in one way or another."

"Point but I'm sure you can find someone nicer. Maybe Steve knows a nice soldier sort." Xander shrugged. "We'll see, dear. For now, you rest."

He sighed and got up. "I should go hide from James and his bitching and plotting. Even if he will try to beat me for that."

She knocked him back out before he could move and snuggled with him on the bed. "No, I don't want to see that fit, dear." She smiled and cuddled him. He was precious to her.

***

James came back that night, staring at the guy on the bed then at her. "Did he fight you?" he asked.

"He tried to run from you and any complaining you might do," she said quietly. "I had to stop that impulse. He thinks you'll complain like your name should be Rosenburg."

"I'd hate to be related to that witch." He stared at Xander then at her. "I'm not going to bitch. He doesn't deserve it and he doesn't need it."

"In his mind's eye, he sees that he does because he didn't do it fast enough."

"No one's that good, even Steve Rogers." She patted him on the cheek and handed him some bread. "Thanks, Mother. Come talk with Clint?"

"Bring him in here. Xander's hiding from everyone. If he wakes up alone he'll disappear and you'll have to find him."

James nodded. "Always possible." He hauled Clint in by the arm. "Mother, this is Clint Barton."

"Welcome, child." She kissed his cheek and he flinched then groaned, sighing and shaking his head. "You were young so the memory blocks of childhood erased it. You were adorable though."

He grinned. "Some girls say I still am."

"I think that's why Demeter wanted you in the House of Love," Bucky quipped. He stared at Xander then sat on him. He looked down at the grunt. "What? This way you can't run from Steve. He wants a report and then you're taking two weeks off."

"No one will help the girls while I'm gone."

"Clay's down here and he said he would," James said. "I already told him you're still in shock." Xander went limp. "Beyond that, you're more comfy than the stool I need to restuff."

"You're heavy."

"Not that heavy."

"James, he's got injuries, dear," Gaia said. She sighed when he got up to strip Xander off, smiling at Clint. "James is very much like Xander's big brother."

"Steve's still sure we were having sex," Bucky complained. "I had to tell him about the two bar girls who turned into weapons groupies." He spotted all the injuries that were barely treated and hauled Xander up and out to the stream. "Let me help him clean these."

"I'm fine, let me go!" Xander complained, trying to get free. He finally resorted to tripping him and then getting out of the way.

"Hey, some life left in you after all," James said, smirking and following him. "If you want to have this talk now, we can do that but I'm going to kick your ass for not calling for backup. You could've. You know that."

"So you would've died too?" he demanded.

James looked around, spotting him up a tree. "You're not Barton, that won't work for you."

"Bullshit. I'm fine. Go talk to Mom."

"Fat chance." He shook the tree until Xander yelped and nearly fell. Then he suddenly wasn't there. James growled, looking around. He smiled at the pretty woman who showed up hauling Xander. "Thank you, Xander's mother."

"What happened?"

"There was almost an invasion down here. Xander stopped it when weapons couldn't by making a new hellmouth to shut their portal."

She looked at her son then hugged him as tightly as she could. "No wonder you have all the injuries."

"I was taking him to the river to wash them off," James said.

She smiled at him. "You make an excellent big brother for him, Janus." She looked at her son, who was looking like a kicked puppy. "None of that, my son. Go with Janus. I'll get you some of the healing lotion we use." She walked off, disappearing and coming back to find James had carried Xander into the river and tossed him into a deep section. She giggled, putting a basket on the ground. "Here, for his injuries. It should help heal them. Use it around your shoulder as well, Janus, and on all of his injuries. Give the rest to Gaia for me." She blew a kiss at her son, stunning him. It worked well on immortal guys. She disappeared with a smug look.

James grinned. "I like your mom and she makes good cookies." He stared at him until Xander huffed and splashed himself. Clint brought down a basket, handing over the soap and brush. "Thanks." He handed them over. Xander cleaned himself up. Then let James dose all his injuries, even though he was pouting. James stared. "Wow." He touched an older scar with the lotion and it healed too. "Huh. No wonder she wanted me to use it around my shoulder." He stripped off and did that while Clint walked Xander back to the hut. Most of his injuries and scars on his chest faded too. "That's really handy." He brought both baskets with him. "From Xander's natal mother, Mom."

She looked in it and smiled. "That's very handy. Thank you, boys." They grinned. "You three settle in and rest. You can leave after dawn." They nodded and settled in to rest. Clint got Xander talking about himself. James listened and watched over them all. Some people still came after Gaia. It wouldn't happen when they were here.

***

Steve jogged up to the roof, grinning when Clint came off with Xander. "Hi, Xander."

"Hey," he said, sounding tired.

Bucky came off, handing over the keys. "Xander's got two weeks of vacation."

"That's great," Steve agreed. "We have the couch." Xander started to shake his head so Bucky nicely knocked him out again. Clint walked off laughing. "He okay?"

"No. He's burned out. He's to the point where he was thinking that it might've been better if he had done the spell himself by stepping into the portal instead of from a distance."

Steve quirked an eyebrow up. "I've seen soldiers in that state." Bucky nodded. "Want me to call Sam?"

"I was hoping you'd know his number." He carried Xander in over his shoulder, waving at everyone as they walked past them. "Xander's got vacation. We're enforcing it since he's like a little brother." They laid Xander on Steve's couch and let him rest while Steve called Sam and Bucky ate something. She had almost made it a compulsion this time. Clint had only blushed when he had woken up first and found Bucky nursing in his sleep. It did help. He felt stronger afterward. He felt healthier too. Steve handed him extra food and let him sit down to watch tv while eating it. They could handle Xander. They were in the main living area making dinner when Xander woke up.

Xander blinked awake, taking in the furniture and other things around him. He winced and got up, holding his side. That still ached, it was good to note. He snuck to the door but it was locked from the other side or something. He could not get it open. That and he could hear voices out there. He snuck back to look around, finding the hidden emergency exit. Those couldn't be locked, it was against fire code. He checked, a lot of stairs. He snuck down them, not caring he was barefoot and didn't have anything on him but his clothes and a dagger he had hidden.

Out in the main area, the AI cleared his throat. "Captain, your guest is escaping down the emergency stairs," he said.

"Figures," James said, heading for the elevator. Steve went to get him from that side. James spotted Xander coming down and hid until he could grab him by the back of his shirt and hauled him off. Steve grinned and followed him. They got off the elevator and put him in front of Sam. "This is Sam. He works with vets who're just back from war zones. Talk to him about some of the stuff you've done because he won't yell at you like I will about those succuba." He walked off.

"What succuba?" Xander said, looking confused. "I haven't seen a succuba since the last time I was in the states."

"The pretty brunettes you got photographed with," James called. "Their true natures showed through."

"They weren't succuba. They were Hamadryads." He shook his head, looking at the new guy. "Hi, I'm Xander. I'm trying to escape and hide."

"Without shoes?" Sam asked. "Most hotels require 'em too."

Xander shrugged. "I can go to a demon bar and get taken home."

"No, you can't. We've warned everyone you're on enforced vacation," Steve called from the kitchen. He leaned out with a smile. "If you do go to one, ask them if they know what you were doing since Mr. Giles said you haven't filed a report in a while." He leaned back in.

Xander sighed, shaking his head. "I need to go somewhere."

"You could sit down," Sam said. "I know some guys that just got home from helping hunt down a warlord down there."

"I saw one of them. He wanted to date me but he was a scungy mother fucker." Sam stared, mouth slightly open. Xander waved a hand. "Sometimes bad guys are like that about me. The one before him I think I stabbed in the side for trying to drug me in a bar." He rubbed his side, frowning some. "I need to hide from them so they can be friends and all that." He walked off. "Maybe I'll see you again, Sam. You seem like a nice guy."

"Why are you rubbing your side?" Sam asked. "Injury?"

"It's a few days old," he admitted with a shrug, trying to figure out which door he needed. "It's okay enough."

Steve walked out and hauled Xander back to the couch, putting him onto it but taking off his t-shirt. He checked his side. "You went into that battle with broken ribs?" he demanded.

"Not a lot of choice! They were going to kill everyone!"

Steve sighed. "You really are like a little brother Bucky would've had." He handed him back the shirt. "We can take x-rays."

"I don't allow doctors to touch me," Xander said firmly, staring at him. "No way in hell."

Steve stared back. "That's Dr. Banner."

"I've met him," he quipped. "I thanked him for saving one of the girls." Bruce nodded with a smile. "I still don't allow medical professionals near me. And when I'm unconscious there's protections so they can't do more than touch my skin."

"X-rays?" Steve asked.

"No. Nothing."

Steve sighed. "Don't be stubborn, Xander."

"I think he may have a reason for it," Sam said. Xander nodded quickly. "But you're awake and we only want to take x-rays of your rib, make sure it hasn't slipped and won't be puncturing a lung."

Xander looked at him. "No, I put it back in place before it could do that."

Sam blinked. "You put your own rib back into place?" Xander nodded. "Have you never seen a doctor?"

"When one nearly killed me by taking out my appendix. Otherwise, no."

Bruce shook his head. "I heard about your former town and the medical people who were more interested in selling bodies, Xander. We are not going to do that. I won't check your blood for anything but infection. I'll only take an x-ray of your ribs unless you have something else broken." He stared at him. "I'm not going to experiment or anything on you. Just the one tiny x-ray and the blood work?"

Xander shook his head. James stepped out of the kitchen, handing Xander a sandwich, which he ate. "Remember that talk where I wanted to put you in a collar and leash? It's going to come up again. I will be there and take Banner out if he tries to do anything but look at your injuries." He stared at him. "No, you don't have a choice."

"I do so. I can leave."

"You move and I'm having *her* show up to nag and then go find wherever she stashed Willow to help her." James stared at him. "Let's go to the infirmary, Xander."

"I'm not a little kid and I can make my own choices," he said with a glare.

"Yup, but you're making poor ones. Including arguing with me." He hauled him up. "Eat on the way to the infirmary. Bruce followed. Before they got on the elevator, Xander attacked and spat something and James had to move to defend himself.

"He's a bit feral," Sam told Steve quietly. "You need to gentle him again. He's been alone too long. Plus he's still in a semi-shell shocked state."

Steve nodded, walking over to stop the sparring match. Bucky wasn't trying to hurt Xander but Xander was trying to hurt Bucky. He hugged Xander, making him struggle. "Calm down," he said in his ear. "I won't let anyone hurt you and you know I don't make cheap promises, Xander." He was still struggling. "Just the one tiny x-ray and Bruce won't take any blood or anything. I'll keep James from treating you like his new pet puppy. Just...work with us a little bit, okay? We need to make sure you're not going to die of that broken rib." Xander tried to wiggle again so he held him more firmly. "Calm down. We don't want to have to sedate you." He carried Xander onto the elevator that way and let Bruce take the x-ray. Then they took him back up to the room and let him lock himself in there, but did lock off the emergency stairs.

The AI interrupted them talking to Sam about him. "I believe he got rescued by a demonic entity. He cut his thumb in the bathroom and then said something I did not hear," JARVIS said. "He's no longer in the building. The drool the demon was putting out is eating through the floor."

"I'll take care of the drool and then we'll go to the demon bars to find him," Steve promised, going to do that. Xander's t-shirt was still in the living room but he had taken his shoes and his wallet this time. Not the phone though. It was ringing on the table. He answered it. "Xander's not near his phone right now. He left it on my coffee table." He listened, looking at Bucky. "Jamira?"

He took it. "What's wrong, Jamira?" He listened. "That's good to know. Yeah, I'm going there now. He's got a broken rib and he's fighting taking a forced vacation. We nearly had to knock him out to do an x-ray." He nodded. "Thanks. Can you have them send me a report on what he's done? We can't find everything. Thank you." He hung up. "He's downtown." Steve cleaned up the demon drool while Bucky found a few lighter weapons. Then they drove down there. They found Xander in the bar nursing a beer. The demons all pointed and got out of the way. James used the blowdart he had found and Xander collapsed, spilling the beer. "That's handy." He looked around. "We'd like a report on what Xander did since he won't mention it. He thinks Rosenburg will show up to nag again." They smiled at him.

"What makes you think you can have him?" one being said, standing up. "I could claim him. I am one of the top vampires in this city." He ignored the snorting of amusement from the others in the bar. Bucky walked up to him and slammed his head through the bar with his metal hand. "Ow."

Bucky grinned. "I'm the Winter Soldier, boy, and you're in Captain Roger's territory. You'd better have better manners." The vampire whined and staked himself. "Good idea." He and Steve picked Xander up and carried him out to the car, driving back to the tower. Then he went onto the main room's couch so he couldn't escape again. Bruce did what checks he could and took some hair to test for things like drugs. The others let him sleep until Bucky got a delivery from a cute little vampire wannabe. She was wearing something goth lolita with sky-high heels and had her hair up in a fancy bow under her cap. She was also chewing gum, which annoyed him. "Thanks. That all of it?"

"No. The only ones who know everything are the people who make the bets. My people don't talk to the demonic mafia." She shrugged and skipped off.

James watched her ass for a minute then went upstairs to hand the reports to Steve. "Only the demonic mafia knows all of it."

"Great," he said, looking over things he had no idea about. "He did what?"

James read it upside down then looked at Xander. "You got drunk and got into a bar fight with three demons? Wow, no wonder you have the broken rib, kid." He went to make some coffee.

Steve looked at Sam. "How?" he asked quietly.

"He's been alone too long."

"He gets to talk to a lot of people," James said from the kitchen.

"Not the same as having someone there who'll pat you for no reason on the arm. That and I think he's a bit stubborn, guys." Steve nodded. "He doesn't know to trust you."

"He knows to trust James."

"He's also worried about what he'll say." He stared at Steve. "You called him like his little brother and it seems to be that way to me too, but that comes with a worry about him being a big brother." Xander moaned and flipped onto his side, then yelped and switched sides. "He's tougher than a lot of guys I know. They wouldn't have been able to flip onto the side with the broken rib."

"He ignores injuries," James said, coming out with coffee for them. He looked at Xander. "You're not asleep. Want coffee?" Xander shook his head. "She sent you on vacation for a reason."

"All you're going to do is nag about shit that I do my way instead of yours," he mumbled.

"Uh-huh. Not likely, though I'd like a report so I know if I have to scream about anything. Like, say, the handing of a warlord over to pay a poker debt."

Xander opened his eye to look at him. "It wasn't my debt. I was only gathering for my poker buddy." He closed the eye. "I need to play some more. The last apocalypse wiped out everything I had stored for the girls down there."

"Everything?"

Xander nodded. "Down to the swords. We already knew sharp and pointy wasn't going to work on them." James grimaced. "Not. One. Word."

"I'd rather you got artillery some other way," he said dryly.

"Yeah but you hate it when I take down pirates that're trying to capture me or the girls to get them too," he quipped, making himself sit up. "I'm. Fine," he said firmly, staring at Steve. Then at James. "I'm okay. I can go to a hotel where they'll spoil me rotten."

"The girls can find you there."

"Not like this building doesn't have a shiny sign on it."

"They can't get in here without us knowing," James said, staring at him. "Got another excuse for not liking the couch?" He sipped his coffee.

"Maybe I want some beach time." James pointed toward the ocean. "That's not a real beach."

"Sure as hell is, complete with easy dames in bikinis," Steve said. "We used it to our own advantage more than once." He smiled. "The couch is a lot cheaper."

"And I'd be interrupting."

"You're going to go mope and that's not a vacation. So yeah, you and the couch are going to start dating." James smirked at him. "Or I can knock you out again. She'll be pleased if you nap more often." He stared at him. "And ate."

"I ate earlier."

"You've been living on hard rations," Sam said. Xander nodded, shrugging a tiny bit. "How is that not hurting?"

"Really high pain tolerance." He looked at him. "Who are you?"

"Sam Wilson." He grinned and held out a hand. "Also known as Falcon. I worked with Steve a few times and I work with newly returned vets at the VA."

Xander shook his hand. "That's gotta be harder than me backing up the slayers so thank you for that." Sam smiled. "I don't need a therapist," he said, getting it.

"Bullshit. You went feral there for a few minutes," Steve said. Xander and Sam both stared at him. "What?"

"You swore," Sam quipped.

"I was in the army in the middle of a war zone. I learned how to swear in three languages by the time I ended up in that plane," he quipped back. Xander said something and got up, heading for the bathroom. "Not in that language though."

"He said 'flirting, eww' in one of the demon languages. Kid, if I wanted to flirt with Steve, I'd do it in my room. I'm not into threesomes that way."

Steve hit him on the arm. "I'm not into them at all. Thanks." James smirked at him. "Dames were your thing, not mine."

"I tried really hard but even when they flirted you got all shy and couldn't do more than kiss them on the cheek." James walked off, going to retrieve Xander before he escaped out of the bathroom. No, still in there. He looked up. "Hey, Barton?" he called.

"Got it," he called.

"Thanks." He looked back at Steve and Sam, shrugging. Xander said something and he could hear Clint laughing. "I doubt he's watching you piss, Harris. C'mon out."

Xander opened the door, staring at him. "I need to go somewhere private, where no one watches me."

"Considering a few of the slayers are media stars, no go," he said with a point at the couch. "The couch is free and free is always best on a vacation. Then you can spend that minuscule paycheck Giles pays you to get new t-shirts and jeans." He looked at him. "You can't pick up girls in that."

"Yes I can. Gretchen's in town." He smirked. "She said I can have half of her waterbed."

"I thought they arrested her," James said, considering it. "If you do, we'll have to bust in and get her anyway. Do you really want to start that trend? I did it a few times in Africa and you hated me for it." He smirked.

Xander patted him on the metal arm. "Keep it up. I don't need a leash, a collar, or a keeper. Remember, I know things that will love to eat your special arm for you." He smirked back. "And they owe me a poker debt."

Bucky burst out laughing. "It's good you're getting back to mouthy already." He walked him back to the couch and shoved him down. "If they tried, I'd have to ask Stark for a better one."

Xander stared at him. "Does that mean I should talk the poker buddies into not taking the contract on his life? Again?"

"Probably, yes," Steve said. "What contract?"

Xander sighed, looking at him. "They'll get mad at me. It's not from them but they'll get mad at me."

"We can access some very good sites for contract killings," Natasha said as she came out of her room. She got onto the computer system up there. "I see the usual three against him." Xander got her onto another site. "I thought it was defunct."

"Only over here. Over there, it's the only one they can get to in some countries because they blocked out the others."

She nodded. "That makes sense. They probably thought it was defunct so removed it from the list." She sorted through it. "Two of those are groups I haven't heard of."

Xander pointed at one. "They're demonic and like engineering but they hate that he quit doing weapons. They're pouty. They're also very bad card sharps. I don't play with the artificers. Though one has offered to turn a vehicle into something I could really use once. He had to prove his skills. I should get it next year. I'm not sure if it'll be like the cartoon Ghost Rider's bike or something else. They were scrying somewhere that had artificed cars having sex and making baby ones."

She looked at him. "How is that possible?" she asked.

He grinned. "Magic."

"I think I have a headache," she sighed, getting back to the others, researching the various contracts. "That one seems to be from a group that's no longer around." Xander shrugged one shoulder. "And that's one we thought was canceled but was reapplied," she said when she spotted it. Stark came off the elevator a moment later, staring over her shoulder. She looked up at him.

"Let me know if I need to end them." He looked at Xander. "You're secure here."

"I could be on a beach with easy chicks who want laid by someone exotic and a bit dangerous. Or a few people I dated in Africa."

"Mostly under arrest," James quipped.

"Not likely. Hermione is free." He smirked at him.

"The assassin trainee? Why did she want to date you?"

"She thinks I'm good at it and I don't have fits about her job. She also used me to fulfill her teacher's commands to not be a virgin any longer." He smirked. "It was kinda nice on the boat she stole."

Steve shook his head. "You shouldn't go out with people like that. They can hurt you."

Xander looked at him. "They never want to hurt me. They like me. They're about the only people who want to sleep with me these days."

"They could get you arrested."

"Interpol has a nice file that lists that fact. They cross-reference it now and then to see who I've seen casually and not to see how bad they are because it's a good indication of someone climbing the ladder and getting to the middle management level."

Steve blinked. "What?"

Natasha pulled that up after some searching, letting them read it. She looked at Xander. "Not one, but three assassins? In the last eighteen months?"

Xander looked and pointed at one. "She was only in to take out her competition. She was good. I needed the stress relief. She needed stress relief before she shot the guy who hit her daughter by accident, on purpose, so she'd be out of the way for a meeting. It was okay. Not world shaking but pretty darn good." He got up and wandered off. "I should call her. See what she's doing."

Natasha clicked that link. "Ten years hard time in Italy, sorry."

"Damn. But hey, if I live ten more years...." He shrugged, going to the bathroom to get a drink of water.

"We have a filter pitcher," Stark said.

Xander looked at him, then shook his head. "No thanks. I'm not that thirsty. Where's the spring break places?"

"It's June. Too late for spring break. Summer rush... Which is usually on the lakes in Nevada."

"Cool. I've never been there." He nodded, grinning at James. "Let me go find a party spot."

"Sit. Down." Xander and he stared at each other. "If you make me chase you, I'll paddle you like a little kid."

"Only if you want to be missing that arm. I'm pretty sure the artificers would *love* to get hold of it and give it sentience and protection spells and all sorts of neat things."

"I'll have to find one to see if they can do a self lubricating and self cleaning spell." He stared at Xander. Who was touching his side. "Hand off the tattoo, Xander. I doubt you want to go to the Council house to be nagged by Buffy and everyone." He smirked, moving closer. "And if you use an emergency exit one, they'll get mad at you."

"No they won't. They'll expect that I was fleeing a girlfriend. They do that a lot."

"Uh-huh. Want me to give them the reports the demon underground gave me?"

"I doubt they'll pay any attention to it. I got told the other day I was still normal, even after taking down some pirates." He shrugged and smiled. "I'm going to find something easy." He walked off but James knocked him out and put him back onto the couch.

"I don't think he's used to support networks," Stark said, walking off. "Or someone giving a damn at all. Let me know if you need my help, guys." He waved, getting onto the elevator to go back to the lab. He decided not to tell Pepper. She'd try to coo over Harris and if she liked him too much it meant she was the evil Pepper and that'd be bad for everyone. Better to not know before he had to find a new girlfriend and CEO.

James and Steve shared a look then shrugged. They looked at Sam.

"Stark's probably a bit right about that. Let him run a tiny bit wild but I'm pretty sure he'll end up having a binge drinking moment."

"Not the first," James said. "Or the second."

"And I'm pretty sure if he's got an ex they might be the peaceful rest he needs. Unless they're going to make him do something?"

"Are you suggesting we let Xander go find an ex that isn't under arrest?" Steve asked.

Sam nodded. "It might help and if Interpol knows then I'm pretty sure the FBI at least knows."

"They have him listed as part of the Council but dangerous and under watch if he's anywhere they're working," Natasha said, pulling up his file with them. "It's been amended to say he's considered armed and dangerous even if he's naked and there's an order that if they're taking down the Council for some reason to neutralize him first by medical coma at the least." She looked at them. "The next part says 'watch out for Rosenburg'." They all nodded. "Beyond that they said to let him handle anything he wants to handle and clean up if there's a mess.

"That he has permission to hoard artillery for the Council's use by the President and the UK governments both. Plus permissions from various African countries." James smirked at Xander's body. "They do not have a report on what he's been doing. Very few mentions. Including that he spotted two agents undercover and forcefully removed them from their missions but that afterward those groups had been destroyed by someone, they suspect him."

James looked. "No. I had them removed so I could handle it. Both were HYDRA related." He finished his coffee. She typed that in and closed the file out. "What does the SHIELD one say?"

"Almost nothing beyond 'dangerous, handles things, do not approach unless you're volunteering to help with something'." She grinned slightly. "If we run into him on missions we're to acknowledge him and make sure we're not working on the same target. Grant Ward updated his file after spending six months training with him."

"I remember the geek. He had a tiny bit of sense." He grimaced. "They could've sent him more."

"The Director was worried that Harris would warp them too. Ward came back with long hair, needing a huge feast to fill himself up, and paranoid about things. He could only go on missions with certain handlers and agents. He handled more things on his own instead. He was worried he was turning into Clint and myself."

Steve nodded. "I saw him doing that." He looked at Xander then at James. "We can put a tracker on him."

"They'll probably want him naked, Stevie."

"Jerk," he snorted. "They have under-skin versions now."

"That might be helpful later. Will it die thanks to magic?"

"Maybe." Xander frowned, waking up sniffing something. He growled as he followed the scent, prowling around the living area. He scowled down the stairs when the elevator wouldn't open for him and to the infirmary, pouncing on the guys down there with the gas. He was closer to full on hyena but that was fine. He was good at fighting that way too. Even if their body armor tasted funny until Xander bit one's throat and shook him. Then he ducked the swing at his head and hurt them badly.

James and Steve rushed in to help. Sam was behind them with Clint and Natasha. Xander was huffing but looking pleased in a mean way. Steve moved closer to Xander, hearing the growl. "I'm not going to hurt you, Xander. I need to check on Bruce and he's behind you," Steve said calmly, pointing at Bruce. "Can I check him?" Xander looked then got out of the way. James got growled at too.

James swatted him on the head. "Put the hyena back. Now." Xander pouted but still growled at Natasha, guarding James from her. "She's not going to hurt me today. I don't want to knock you back out." He stared Xander down but he stared back. "My city," he warned. "My pack." Xander slinked off. And suddenly he got it. "Fuck!" He followed him, pinning Xander against the wall. "You're part of my pack too, Xander. Even here. You more than deserve a spot on the team for all the crazy things you do."

Steve leaned out. "What?"

"Part of that was him thinking he was intruding on my pack lands."

"Oh. Okay. Bruce is fine. Can I help?"

"No. He's back in hyena'd out land." He looked at the younger hunter. Xander was making tiny noises. James let him go and took him up to the bedroom and pointed at the couch. "Sleep there. It's your spot in the pack to sleep there." Xander pouted at him. "Don't do that. Unlike the younger shaman I don't put up with you in full on animal mode. It's creepy." Xander yelped and disappeared in a puff of smoke. "Great." He looked up. "Give. Him. Back." Xander reappeared but he was limply lying on the couch and looking dazed. "Your mom?"

Xander nodded. "Mom was great. So was Bacchus." He blinked at him. "I think I'll go spend time with Gretchen. I like her waterbed. It's one of the old ones that has all the motion." He got up and walked into the new cloud of smoke, letting them kidnap him.

Bucky followed but they had disappeared by the time he got outside. He huffed and went up to see if he could find him. Xander really did get into more trouble than a teenage Steve Rogers, and he hadn't thought that was possible. Natasha was already checking to see where Gretchen was. Steve was looking at the glass of milky looking stuff. "Where did you get that?"

"The semi naked young woman wearing cotton bikini top and skirt handed it to me and said that Xander needed that sort of vacation as well. He had learned bad stamina things from Anya. And that you're to drink it no matter what." He handed it over. "Was she demonic?"

"No. Fussing from a source that Xander knows." He gulped the milk, making a face because he hated milk. Even breast milk. He put the glass down and shook his head. And suddenly he was hungry. "Food. We can lure him with food."

"Sure. I can go make you a sandwich."

"Thanks, punk." Steve walked off with the glass. Stark took it from him to see what it was. Bucky hated eating cereal because it had milk in it. For him to gulp a glass without being nagged was weird.

***

Stark showed up an hour later. "Breast milk?"

"From a nature guardian who decided I'm malnourished and she's going to mother me until I'm in better shape," he said, staring at him. "She does it to Xander too. He found her and introduced us."

"Sure," Stark agreed, nodding. "Is she harmful?"

"No. Not unless you piss her off."

"That's most women," Steve said, digging into his dinner. "How long has she been doing this?"

"Over a year," James admitted. "It's done me good. I have regained all the weight I lost under HYDRA." He ate another large bite of dinner. "Xander's only been eating for survival so it's helped steady him too."

"You two are both really weird," Stark said. "But if it helps you can find breast milk being sold by mothers who didn't quit lactating."

"Not exactly the same as hers," Bucky said. "It only happens rarely and it was long distance nagging." Steve stared at him, chewing his current bite of pasta. "You don't argue with women like her, Steve."

"I guess you wouldn't. I figure it's like a super protein shake or something and I'm happy that you're better. That means I should nag you more about eating, right?" James nodded. "I can do that." He stuffed his mouth again, trying not to smile. James looked so embarrassed. "Maybe we can nag Xander about it together."

"Maybe. Might help him. The last time I saw him have a burger he moaned like it was sexual and inhaled it slowly. Then he drank the juices that had dripped onto the plate."

"Maybe whoever Gretchen is will feed him up," Steve quipped. Stark went into the kitchen to get coffee then left them to talk about it. "It's good she's taking care of you. That you're regaining all the lost weight and all that. I want you healthy."

"Yeah, I know. I'm working on it."

"It's a process. Remember how sickly I used to be? You came out of brainwashing about that bad."

"Not quite. Maybe the aftermath of that one flu episode." He stuffed his mouth again.

***

Xander waved at the people dropping him off in Mother Nature's village, smiling at the villagers staring at him. "She made me go on vacation."

"So you let evil ones roam the world?" the head shaman asked. He smiled at Xander. "Was she tasty?"

"Very and she appreciated it too. So did I." He walked into the hut after knocking on the side. "Fine, you were right, I needed the vacation, and the sex." She patted him on the cheek. "Can you make James quit bitching?"

"No. He cares so he complains."

"He got downright creepy when you sent me there. He kept trying to knock me out and alpha me." She giggled. "I don't play that way. I don't recognize almost any alpha above me. Except maybe you." He kissed her on the cheek. "Need anything from me before I disappear to check on the girls?"

"Clay's team is back in rotation."

"That doesn't mean they want to handle some things."

She stared at him. "They can handle quite a lot."

"And I still have to rebuild their arsenal. I only won two pieces of artillery."

She grimaced. "I hate that you need to. You could borrow."

"I could go steal it too."

"Point." She pointed. He went to see who was trying to listen in. His last girlfriend's people were mad about him talking to another woman. One stomped in so she stared at him. "Yes?"

"Who are you?" he demanded. "That one belongs to Gretchen."

"I'm Gaia, child. I'm a healer and a seer. I've done some of Xander's training."

"Oh." He frowned. "So you're not hitting on him or expecting him to sleep with you?"

"Now and then he'll curl up next to me but it's never been sexual. I'm not his kind."

The man huffed. "Fine. Then we'll leave you alone."

Xander walked in and pulled the guy out by his collar. "Leave her alone before I make Gretchen hire."

"But...you can't do that!"

"Bull fucking shit, dude. Gretchen's seen me take down armed encampments before, including yours, to get what I needed for the slayers. You leave her alone. Permanently."

"Gretchen said you belong to only her now."

"That'd be really hard to do since she got arrested earlier by the text message I got from someone. Though she did nicely give all the weapons to the slayers." He stared at him. "Gretchen was fun but she never said I was owned and I don't see a collar. I don't see her out here helping me with the slayers or anything else that a Xander owner would be doing. And she knew that when we screwed the other day."

"She gave us orders," he said, staring at him.

"Probably because she knew they were coming and this way you were saved from being arrested."

"I didn't think about that." He looked at his men, who were all unconscious. "What did you do to them?"

"I beat them. The same as I should beat you for threatening a Nature Goddess." The man went pale and shook his head. "Yeah, really."

"She's a demon?"

Xander sighed and walked off. "Go. Home. Go rescue Gretchen and I'll talk to her about owning me when she's out of jail. I'll be helping the slayers."

"Sure, Xander. Thank you for only beating them and not killing them."

Xander looked back at him. "Remember, I'm more deadly than any creature on this continent when I want to be. You leave certain things alone. You never talk about her."

"I won't. Even to Gretchen. She'll be amused that she taught you things though." He gave him a hopeful smile.

"She also has me babysit now and then too," he quipped.

"Gretchen would hate that. She hates kids." He shook his head and dragged his people back to their jeep then drove off. He needed to talk to his boss.

Xander looked up. "Why me? It wasn't even that special. She'd never be able to keep up with me like a proper girlfriend would." He heard the giggling and looked at her. "Yours?"

"No, Xander. Not mine. You wanted to go to Gretchen."

"I'll nag Clint about taking up his duties so he quits doing that. Before I'm all alone because all my ex's are dead." He went to gather water for her, still shaking his head. If Mother Nature wanted to get giggly over that, so be it. She had that right, she had helped make him.

***

Jake looks at his phone, which had just woken him and the rest of the guys up. And the slayer they were sleeping in the living room of. He stared at it then groaned. "Damn it."

Clay looked at him. "Some girl?"

"Not mine." He tossed the phone over. "Barnes said Xander's last date went psycho possessive and was going to try to take people out. Tried to take out Gaia."

"Great," Roque said, sounding bitter. "I take it's dating from Clay's little black book of psycho bitches?"

"I'm pretty sure they share a dating pool naturally since one of his ex's is actually Wade. Which none of us knew about but they met back when Xander was on his post-grad roadtrip and having to strip." The guys all sat up to stare at him. Jake yawned and nodded. "Six weeks of propping Xander's bad stripping up and being his big, bad one as he put it. He said he wasn't bad in bed but that Wade got too possessive and was talking about tattooing his name on Xander's ass so he kicked him out.

"They fought a bit so Wade could resume his dominance." He yawned again and laid his head back down. "But he didn't realize Xander had been hunting for three years against faster, stronger things so Wade got staked and nearly killed by Xander who then told him he wasn't a possession and the only tattoos he'd be getting on him were probably mystical in nature. From what he said, Wade moped for a few days of stalking and then huffed off to kill something." He drifted back off.

Clay looked at Roque. "You're not that bad," Roque assured him. "I thought only a son of yours could be worse than you."

"Him having a son means you'd have been pregnant," Cougar said in Spanish but laid back down.

Amaya leaned out of the bedroom, staring at them. "The kid heard you." They groaned. "And yeah, Xander told some of us about Wade when he robbed him a few months after he started down here. He needed weapons so he screwed him and robbed him then ran off to handle the incident. Wade followed and decided it was a good idea so he'd just take payment in another night. The girls all went 'eww' and Wade glared but they couldn't quite steal Xander back. So they had fun. Xander said he wasn't *bad* in bed but he'd had a few better." She went back to bed, grinning at her daughter. The commando team were all shuddering and were trying to find something to take their mind off Xander and Wade having sex.

"I'm so telling Barnes so he can snap the kid's leash tighter," Clay finally decided. He used Jensen's phone to send that message, including all that he knew about it. Wade was not what he wanted around the slayers. They were vulnerable girls and Wade was a psychotic asshole.

***

Bucky woke up with a flinch, grabbing his phone off his night stand. He read it and grimaced. "Who's Wade?" he muttered, sending that. He got back a profile name and number, looking that up. "Huh. Yeah, Xander has bad taste and it's been that way for way too long." He went back to bed shaking his head the whole way. He'd tie Xander up later to talk to him about decent lovers.

Steve came out to look at that profile then at Bucky's room. "Is he an op?" he called.

"He's an ex of Xander's and tied up in the drama Clay's team went through."

"Oh, okay." He looked. "He's presently running some of the rogue former SHIELD agents that were HYDRA and weren't caught. Huh."

"That makes him a target since he escaped from prison after treatment for the liver cancer."

"Sure, I can pull up stuff for that." He settled in to do that. What he saw of Wade's profile...that was bad. Xander needed better taste.

***

Xander looked up from sharpening things. He was stalled here for another day on orders of Mother Nature so he was working on his gear. A jeep was driving their way and he had the feeling it related to the text message he had gotten from James about having better taste in lovers. Or it was Gretchen. Nope, it wasn't her. He stood up and walked over to keep Wade from getting out of the jeep. "Why are you here?"

"I came to see you," he said with a smile.

"Uh-huh. What's happened now?"

"Nothing. Just got some free time and I heard you were traipsing around again."

"I am in a few days." He stared at him. "I'm not real happy with you."

"Tell me you didn't take their side in that. It was a job, Xander."

"Jake's like family," he said with a grin. "And he said he wants to cut off your balls."

"I'm sure he'd do good licking them first," he shot back.

Xander sighed. "What are you sick with?"

"A few things."

Xander stared at him. "Did you come looking for me for pity or for help?"

"I hate pity fucks. I was hoping for a nice time."

Xander nodded. "I still don't like what you did. You nearly got a bunch of kids killed."

"Not my doing. I left that part of the plan up to others. Just one weekend?" Xander sighed, looking back then at Wade. "I could be mean and raid this nice village."

"Which means that whatever you're sick with won't be killing you. I would. You don't touch the special ones."

"I heard you have visions."

"Yes and they suck ass." He stared at him. "I'm not going to give you a happy ending, Wade. I may still think you're good in bed but I don't kill people for fun. Or in bed."

"Not asking you to."

"What is it?"

"Liver cancer."

Xander winced. "That sucks ass even bigger." Wade nodded. He sighed. "No one hears about it."

"You ashamed of me?" he asked with an evil little smirk.

"Considering you're like an abusive ex boyfriend? I should be."

"That fight seriously got me harder than watching you strip did." Xander laughed, moving closer. "No fighting this weekend."

"I can accept that. Mom?"

"Go," she said. "Make sure he eats this weekend. He's falling back into survival eating." She stared at Wade. "I can make it a much worse death."

He nodded. "I'll bring him back in two days."

"Sure." Wade let Xander climb in so they could drive off to where he had set up a camp nearby. She sighed and sent a message to Jake to warn him. Desperate people often did stupid things. Like taking Xander in for a weekend of sex when they were exhausted. She got an idea and checked. Yes, that one was nicely down here playing with her offspring. She could help as well. She did so adore Xander.

***

Jake looked at his phone. "Wade's in Africa. He wanted one last happy weekend with Xander." He forwarded that message to James and Tony. Because Wade had probably escaped from the prison. He looked up when Tony wrote back. "He has inoperable liver cancer. His only hope is a magical miracle according to Tony."

"Xander can't do magic," Roque said. "So probably just one last happy weekend."

"Or Xander will obligate him helping the slayers," Clay said with an evil grin. "For the help."

They all sent up silent prayers that some nice demon put a leash on Wade and made him the armory master for the slayers. That way someone was on hand who could bring down Rosenburg if necessary and Xander didn't have to play as much poker.

***

Hours after dropping Xander off, Wade walked into a demon bar, nodding at a few of them. He walked up to the palest person in there. "Got a proposition for you."

The vampire looked at him. "The smart ones of us watch the knight, even back when he was in high school," he said bluntly. "I can tell you're sick."

"I've been shot at too many times and I'd get out of it. Maybe something peaceful I won't."

The vampire stared at him. "You want turned?"

"No. There was already one demon that showed up to offer me my health back if I would obligate myself to the slayers for the next ten years. I nearly died then from the thought of all the girls."

"It could help them a lot," the vampire admitted, considering it. "He would've taken you?"

"He said I had enough purity left but he also said there were marks of purity for things like fucking the goat you were slowly carving up to eat, no mention if it was already dead and cooked or not."

The vampire smiled and nodded. "Most of them would consider alive a worse sin." Wade grimaced. "That way most everyone's pure somehow. It means less disqualifications. My assistant came from one of them." He smiled at his assistant then at Wade. "I shouldn't."

"It'll mean easy feeding."

"Yeah, true. Which keeps me out of slayer's reach." He stared at him. "I could turn you. Harris would forgive my poker debt because you'd take some of his job. There was talk about the armory and needing someone there."

Wade shuddered. "I think that's actually hell."

"Fine. We can do that. Get one good last meal."

"I had Xander for lunch and breakfast." The vampire smiled, letting his fangs fall. They led Wade to a back room. There were a few pretty female vampires that pounced him to take his mind off things while the rest of them sank their teeth into him in various places. Going with a pleasurable bang was always the best way and it made the blood taste so sweet. He even managed to come one last time before he died. Not before he drank blood, but before he died.

They even gathered some for their mother, Druscila.

***

Buffy got handed the receipt for the shipping box, looking at the vampire who was part of a peaceful demon gang. "Who sent what? Is it one of the girls being evacuated?"

"The Great Mother of Darkness sends her regards with her newest son. He's to help you in the armory but she suggested you keep the girls off him. He's commando trained, he's slightly evil and a bit psychotic. His soul's a bit broken. But he knows weapons and giggling girls is his version of hell." He smirked. "She told him he shouldn't have been so naughty to your Xander when he woke up. He tried to kill himself but can't. She made sure of it. You can have him for up to ten years." He strolled off. "He's sedated in that crate. His kind can know the sun. She formed a troupe with some like that down there."

"Huh," she said, walking off calling Giles. He drove up to pick her up and go pick up their new minion. They had worked well with Spike, and still did. This one would be loyal to Dru's boyfriend. Spike got gathered too so he could control the minion. They got there to find him awake and swearing heavily.

Spike got him out of the box, staring at him. "I remember seeing you," he said. He stared at him. "My Dark Princess always did have a wicked sense of humor."

"I'm hoping this is all a joke," Wade complained, stepping out of the box.

"Nope, sorry." Spike grinned. "Come meet our slayer."

"I've almost sniped her in the past for being an ass to Xander. Think he'd want me back?"

"Whelp won't date the undead. Which is a pity. There were plenty of days I wanted to make him scream." He led him over. "Watcher, Slayer, this is Wade."

Buffy stared at him. "I heard about you and Xander having a fight." Wade groaned, shaking his head. She smirked. "Screwy things happen when someone wants to protect Xander. Just ask the herd of centaur goats in Africa. Willow made them part goat instead of part horse."

"That'd make them satyrs, Buffy," Giles said. "When did she do that?"

"Few days back." She looked at him then at Wade again. "You know weapons?" He nodded. "Like Xander does?"

"Better. My last boss is an arms dealer and I have minions who were HYDRA and can get me nearly anything."

"Good. I'll keep the girls off you and you can hide in the armory so Xander can quit playing poker." She nodded. "Get in." He did with a huff but he already had a fidelity spell and a loyalty spell applied thanks to Dru. They were tattooed on his lower throat. Spike was trying not to smirk at his new child. Buffy was happy because this one gave her tingly feelings like Angel had. Giles just prayed for patience as he got in to drive them back to the Council house. He'd warn the other girls to stay away from him.

***

Jake got a message from a guy he wanted to punch. He burst out laughing. "Wade's little unit of HYDRA commandos he took over are now completely loyal to the slayers but one. Because Wade got turned when he asked them not to by Druscila's kids." He smirked at them. "She put a loyalty curse on him toward the Council for ten years."

Xander appeared, shaking his head. "Faith's already had the 'just don't eat her, we won't care if we take her and you out but just don't make us have problems'. She assured him he'd be a capital-M minion, the guy taking the girls shopping and doing laundry duty after bad hunts. He'd get to take some of Andrew's minion spots if he ate Buffy.

"Then Grant got into his face. The only one that's not there is one guy that used to be in Rogers' tactical unit and he's trying to find others to conscript. Apparently those agents are good with taking some of my duties because Dru baby had others try to eat them." He grinned. "A nice worldwide pandemic of 'are you sure you wouldn't like to give up five percent of your immortal soul to survive the next apocalypse battle'. And then the demons obligated them." He smiled. "It was such a nice birthday present to me."

Clay looked him over. "How did you get here?"

"Sarji's backup magic user took one look at me and sent me off. Said I was a bad influence." He grinned. "I already paused to call her and she screamed at her. Then told me to come back next week, she had a date tonight. So I'm here." He hugged the kid who ran out to climb him. "Hi."

"Hi, Uncle Xander." She beamed. He grinned back, giving her a cuddle. "Are you here to see me too?"

"I sure am. And your mom and these guys. Do you like these guys?"

"They're neat and Roque has *knives*," she cooed.

"He does and your mommy gets a new one this year." She squealed and ran back to tell her mother that. "Every two years they get new weapons, unless they break something."

"Giles said he's sending them next week," Clay said. "We're good at helping the girls, Xander. You can do another area."

"Then I'd have to make any shitheads there scared of me," he quipped back.

"Not that many areas you could do that. Most Central American rebel groups are a bit larger and tougher."

Xander nodded. "And hate slayers too. We *love* those areas. Beyond that I'm not trained for Central or South America, or Asia. Though if the nagging gets any worse, I'll go to Asia and learn like I did here. I can liaison with Hancock." He gave Amaya a hug. "How have you been?"

"I'm good. Did you finally get a few weeks off?"

"Yup, and found a few Xander dates that were fun." He grinned. "How about you?"

"You know I don't want men that way most of the time." She stared at him.

He kissed her on the head. "We have therapists if you'd like to figure things out."

"They'd never accept my duty."

"Cassidy, remember her?" She nodded. "She found *two*. They decided not to fight over her."

"She should donate." She patted him on the chest. "I still have no use for men in my life outside training and battles. Then I can stare at the pretty ones for inspiration to win without huge injuries." She picked up her bouncing daughter. "She'll have someone nicer."

"I sure hope so." He tweaked the kid's ear. "Let's go over the recent problems. Sarji said one's been coming from up this way and she's not sure from where or what it is yet."

"We all went to greet her and to learn what a hellmouth felt like, beyond what you leak of yours. She's very nice."

"She's from Pakistan." He walked her off. "Her family's from a larger village." Amaya nodded and the guys followed. Xander laid out what he knew of that demon. She had heard of it locally but nothing more. They couldn't find it in the books and Xander's poker debts were being nicely obtuse about it. So they weren't sure if it was a problem or not. He'd be back there soon though so they'd have to see.

***

Xander got out of the jeep and looked around. "Did I not send your tainted self off to protect this area?" the old woman hissed.

"I'm the head watcher in Africa, woman. Desist." The woman flinched, shaking her head. "Yeah. And born on a hellmouth I might add. So shut up. I have no patience for witches this week." He walked around her, carrying a box. "Oh, Sarji, my dear slayer friend." She came to the door, black eye, looking a bit beat up. "Did it come from sparring?"

"Someone tried to claim me but I beat him pretty badly."

"Is he alive?"

"I don't really care."

"I do so I can beat his ass myself." She smiled and gave him a hug. "It is new weapons time," he said, waving the box a bit. She squealed and settled on her couch to look at them, petting them all gently. "You're getting yours last because we just met with most of the tiny ones. Who is your witchly backup?"

"I have no idea. She showed up and said she was protecting this area."

"Ah." He nodded. "We'll have a more pleasant talk later. Even if I do have to invoke and summon the redheaded one from her punishment with the Sisters of Magic." Sarji's eyes went wide. Xander grinned. "James."

"I saw him once or twice. Is he nice?"

"When he wants to be."

"Huh. Boyfriend?"

"No, he acts like a big brother a lot."

"Oh. Okay. That's always a nice thing. You are when you do it to us."

"He threatened to put a leash and collar on me to make me take a vacation." She giggled, shaking her head. "Yeah, that sort of big brother." He settled across from her. "We have heard and found very little on that threat."

"He's been here, bowed at the archway of doom, and then left but he's still hanging around. He's...powerful. That's all I can tell you."

"Like Fallen powerful? There's only been two of those noted in the last century."

"No. Not that high up but I can definitely feel power."

"I'm staying for a few days." She smiled. "I'll take the couch." She nodded. "Clay's team will be here about six days after I leave."

"That'll work. I like them, they're cute to tease and flirt with. And Jake's sweet."

"His sister would like him to settle with someone nice."

"Awww."

"He has a niece too. She's nine or ten I think."

"Double awww." She grinned. He grinned back. "Let me put these up. The military guys stationed here are all pretty respectful."

"That's good. We like that." She giggled as she walked off. He sent in his last few reports from his phone and relaxed. One of the military guys walked in and he nodded. "I'm here checking on her and seeing if she needs help with the new problem."

"That's fine, Xander." He shook his hand. "The old witch is hissing that you're unnatural."

"Well, I've been possessed a few times," he said dryly. The soldier laughed. "The hyena's really pretty nice."

"I'm sure they are." He patted him on the arm, smiling at Sarji. "We're going to the local market."

"My order and money." She found them and handed them over. "Here you go."

"Thank you, Sarji. Xander?"

"I have supplies. I stopped in the village to the south on the way here. The others had a meeting at one house to celebrate an important birthday." The soldier smiled and nodded. "I wonder what the witch is picking up."

"Who knows. I can't feel your hellmouth taint so you're not leaking like that one time. I can't feel the hyena trying to come up like I did when you got sick." Xander shook his head but smiled. "Is she happy to be here?"

"Pretty much. The shaman I've been training likes her to come out to teach him how to do things better." She rolled her eyes. "Yup, just like the one that let me roll around for two weeks and pounce everyone. There's been no magical accidents lately, which I'm really happy about."

"Has she learned her lesson?"

"I think it's an ongoing lesson but I hope so. I know Buffy reported some satyrs the other day."

Sarji sighed but shook her head. "Figures." She led him out to her practice area so she could workout with him. She didn't worry about damaging him the way she did the local soldiers. He knew how to keep up with a slayer. She saw the witch looking and smiled. "It's my evaluation."

"I think that's supposed to be next month," Xander admitted but shrugged. "We can do it early." She nodded and they faced each other. He bowed slightly with a grin. She attacked and he defended, working against her usual style. They were slowly speeding up so Xander was having to improvise. They heard a cleared throat and Xander looked around, expecting to find James. Nope. Huge demon. Xander blocked a kick from Sarji. "Wow, you're the level of a prince of hell."

The demon smiled. "I find this one very worthy and would like to claim her."

"You can't claim slayers," Sarji said, pausing her attacks on Xander. "Sorry, and I'm not for sale. I'm not that sort of woman."

Xander nodded. "She's not. She's very uptight too." She hit him on the arm. "Ow." He rubbed it. The weapons were inside. The jeep had a few. It was farther away. They stared at the demon. "The Council will never give you a slayer. I'm sorry you came all this way for nothing."

"I think I can win her. I challenge you," he told Xander and lunged at him with his claws out. He and Sarji defended and some of the soldiers came running.

"Weapons," Sarji called. "Now please!" A few ran to get them things from her stash. The rest fired on the demon to get him to back off. The demon laughed. "Hmm. Not all that pleasant. Why would I want a man like you? I mean, I could have a man like Jake Jensen. He's *much* better of a man." The demon sneered. "Plus he likes computers. He can teach me how to do more than email and find youtube." Xander nodded.

The demon came at them again, growling. Now they had swords, so a tiny bit better. Still almost impossible to kill and/or banish. They kept fighting it, making it retreat. Xander tripped the trap it laid by throwing a rock at it. Then sand at the demon's face. They finally killed it a few hours later, leaning down to pant and catch their breaths. "Burn," she called, waving a hand. "Please, Goddess, burn it." The military guys ran over to do that for her. She leaned on Xander's shoulder, getting patted for it. "I hate long battles."

He stood up, giving her a hug. "We all hate long sword battles but you did great."

She grinned. "Thanks, Xander." She walked back with him.

"The demon came because of him," the witch pronounced, pointing at Xander.

Xander stared at her. "That's funny, it was here before I was and I'm the one that made the hellmouth so it'd stop the invasion so you didn't get eaten." She gasped and backed up, shaking her head. "Yeah, I'm *that* Xander." He stared at her. "You have no business near a slayer. I can sense the taint from here, ma'am. You certainly aren't a witch." She flew at him, coming out of the robes to show her true body. Xander moved Sarji by shoving her and swung at the demon's head. Missed. Got her claws.

Missed on her second pass, getting clawed but he cut one of her wings. Then he got her neck when she flew back at him. He chanted something and poured the holy water he carried onto her then waved the burning team over. They did and he sent her soul on. She had been human once. The soul itself screamed before dissipating but oh well. Xander shook his head, looking at the military guys. "Let me go to the bathroom and clean up." They nodded. "Thanks, guys." He went to use Sarji's. She was out of the shower by now.

"I could've handled the demon witch," she called from her bedroom.

"I'm sure but she wanted me anyway. Best to take care of it myself, Sarji. You done?"

"Yup." He went in to take a fast shower and change clothes, coming out to gulp some water and sit down to rest. He sent in a report to Giles, who was not amused. His whole message back was 'I am not amused'. He showed her. She sent her own back about the battle and how they had done it for hours and then Xander had taken down the demon witch. Then she flopped down and relaxed, reaching over to turn on the radio. They shared a grin and let themselves sleep right there. They were safe enough inside the protections on the tiny house.

The military guys were being briefed about what had happened and sending video reports back to their higher ups. Who praised their work to Giles while sending him the video. Giles...took a long drink and groaned, letting the girls in the house see it so they could go over what to do with that sort of demon. They rarely ran into them and they barely had anything in the library on them.

He nicely sent the same information and video to Jake. Who shared it with Tony and James.

***

Tony watched the video. "Sure, the level of a ruler in a hell dimension. Poor Sarji."

Abby, who had put up the video on her screen when it had come in while he was in the lab, spun to look at him. "Why?"

"He wanted to own her as a wife. Poor girl."

"Oh, well, yeah that would be bad." She spun back around, replaying it. "What's that at the end?"

"Some sort of lower level demon," Tony said with a shrug. "He called her a witch but that's not the ones we're used to. He did bless and send her soul on for her. That was nice."

"It is. Is he like a priest?"

"Trained as a shaman to control his gifts."

"Awww."

"He got possessed by a hyena once. She's a bit growly but she likes to lean on her favorite people to claim them as pack members. She's gotten me a few times."

"Hyenas are female headed." Tony nodded with a grin. Gibbs and the Director walked in. "Jensen bragged on Xander's latest battle." She let them see it. The Director was making unhappy noises. "I have it on double speed because otherwise it'll take hours."

Tony nodded. "I have never had that level of stamina. I probably won't. I think Xander got it from Anya." Gibbs swatted him on the head. "He did! He was with the slight nympho former demon while doing nightly patrols and doing construction, Gibbs."

The director stared at him. "What?"

"Xander was doing construction work in Sunnydale," Tony told her.

"Plus patrols with the Sunnydale team after work," Abby agreed. "Then he went home to the slightly nympho Anya, who used to be a vengeance demon and wanted at least five orgasms a night or she'd complain in public about it."

"We heard she was very blunt on some things," Tony said. "Especially about their sex life." Gibbs shook his head. "Eight to ten hours at work, two to five for slayer duty, then going home to her, which probably took more than a few hours. He has stamina I never will. Especially with a sword."

"Xander would probably like a mythical demon killing gun but it's not here," Abby quipped. "That's on a tv show." Tony nodded he had seen it. Gibbs turned off the screen.

"Why is the Council taking in HYDRA agents?" the director demanded.

Tony grinned at her. "The demons got offended and tricked some of them into making deals. That's their duty for the next decade. Wade, the one that tried to get Colonel Clay's team in trouble, got turned when he only wanted to be taken out. I hear Buffy's flirting with him. He's her type of dangerous and deadly."

"There's been a real push to get more skilled fighters into the Council, all to the same end date," Abby said. "I'm guessing they heard about a huge thing coming up."

"Something that'll mean more battles," Tony said, considering it. "What if it's like it was in LA?"

"The demons didn't have any of their debts called in to have agents go help with that." She looked at him. "Or have Xander somehow show up. The last time the demons did that was in the Invasion of New York with the Chitauri."

"Great. So worse than LA and probably worse than the one Xander ended up making a new hellmouth to stop in that one area," Tony said, considering it. "I need to learn how to use a sword."

"It's possible that so many agents mean that we'll be able to use guns this time," Gibbs said. "Though, yeah, you could use the stamina, DiNozzo."

"Gee, thanks, Boss." He looked at Abby.

"I'll find somewhere and we'll both go." He smiled and nodded. "We should talk to the remains of SHIELD." She wrote out an email to Jake and Maria Hill. She still had her email address. "There, that should get some balls rolling down the right hills." She grinned at Tony. "Sword or axe?"

"I don't know. Axes have some times when it's limiting, like if you're hitting them from above. Both if possible. It'll be a good idea." She nodded, looking that up. The director stomped off. Gibbs followed shaking his head.

***

Maria Hill opened her email, waiting on yet another hearing in front of Congress. She stared at it, considering the few words: we think there's a reason almost all the former SHIELD agents who were actually HYDRA are now being given to the Council for ten years by demons making deals. She reloaded her inbox. Nothing else on that subject. She sent Abby an email asking for an explanation. She got back a list of who had been pushed that way and how - deal, vampire, other changing - with the note at the end that included a video about Xander's latest fight. She watched it on fast forward, grimacing at the elapsed time. "More stamina than I have." She got up when she heard shouting, going back to that first email. She leaned in and saw the members of Congress yelling at each other so she walked down to present her phone to Nick Fury.

He read it, scratching the eyebrow above his eyepatch. "Uh-huh." She loaded the second email. He flipped down it then looked at her. "That's definitely a bad indication. See if we can find out what. Make sure Stark or Rogers have that list. The ones I know are all good hand-to-hand fighters." She nodded, going to do that. Plus forward that fight video. He considered it. If the demons were making plans a decade in advance it was probably a bad idea. One of the members of Congress cleared her throat. "Sorry, some information just came in that's a bit puzzling but troubling."

"Why?" she asked.

"Demons have been searching out some of my former agents who ended up being HYDRA and forcing them to align with the Council for a period of ten years. I'll have to ask the three possible team leaders I'd have down there about that to make sure the girls are backed up better. Be damned if I want to fall to an apocalypse that they're worried about ten years before it happens." She blinked, mouth hanging open. "The girls already had ten former agents that wanted that as their punishment for being HYDRA, a permanent duty assignment. That's really weird. Excuse me." He got up and left, taking Hill with him to Cleveland. He got let into the slayer house by one of the girls as soon as they pulled up. "Mr. Giles, has Harris had a vision recently? If not, do you know why you're suddenly the suggested rehab for HYDRA agents?"

"Two I'm afraid. There's two coming up. One next year and one in eight years. That one may well end most of humanity," he said quietly, putting down his glasses and the book he had been looking at. He pulled out the visions he had been faxed a few days earlier by Jake. "He was near Colonel Clay's team so they debriefed him over what he saw. I was going to call once you were done with all the shouting at Congress."

Fury took them to look over, eye going wide. "Damn."

"Yes, very. While we don't like their allegiance or methods, we're very grateful for the help."

Fury handed them to Hill. "Copy them for Rogers." She moved to do that. "We can hold a meeting."

"I'd enjoy that. I'd have to get Colonel Clay and Xander back from Africa. I'm told today Xander's beating up on a young man who wanted to own Sarji and tried to attack her."

"We have a year but we can get on this sooner," Fury agreed. "What agents have you been given?" Wade walked in a notebook to hand over then walked off. "What are *you* doing here?"

"I tried to get them to take me out for the liver cancer," he said dryly. "Druscila had other ideas for her dark kitten." He rolled his eyes. "I can't hurt the girls and I've been warned about eating Buffy. I'm running the HYDRA agents with Ward as my second-in-command."

"He wouldn't be the first vampire she's dated," Giles quipped. "It could do her some good to have time to flirt with someone. Even if he is rather soulless." He smiled a tiny bit. "Before he died, he had seen Xander a few times as well."

"I heard Harris liked them deadly," Fury said. He reread the copies, looking at Giles. "We can meet next week."

"That's fine. We haven't foreseen any problems then." He smiled. "I'll get Colonel Clay, Xander, and Mr. Hancock back to the states." Fury nodded, leaving with Hill. He sent those orders out and when they'd need them back. It would be good to see Xander again and Colonel Clay could put up with the girls squealing over Cougar and Jake.

***

Xander stopped beating the idiot man and looked at his phone. "Sarji, we've got meetings next week over the upcoming apocalypse. Keep your phone around in case we need to video conference."

"Sure, Xander. Is he gooey enough? It's looking disgusting."

Xander looked at the man. "Do you really think you could hunt beside a slayer the way I do?" The man moaned but almost managed to shake his head. "Good. Never attack a woman again. You respect women and you woo women, you don't take what you want from them." He walked over him and went to Sarji's to clean up his hands and split lip. She smiled and helped him.

***

Steve Rogers stood up as Maria Hill came off the elevator alone. "Problems, Agent Hill?"

"Vast ones. Gather everyone please?" He called that out. Everyone came strolling in, not quickly but faster than usual. James joined in too. Maria Hill nodded at him. "We were told earlier that half the HYDRA agents we had hiding and another group from the other agencies have been given to the Council by means of some form of demonic encouragement for the term of ten years."

"Another huge apocalypse," Tony said.

"Two." She handed over the papers. "We're meeting next week to talk about how to respond."

Steve read them and handed them on. He looked at her. "When next week?"

"We haven't finalized a date yet. A few have to come home."

"I can get Xander home," James said, handing the papers on.

"He and Colonel Clay can come back together," she said with a smile for him. "Their team is back helping the slayers." James nodded he knew that. "We have had former agents turned, some changed, and the others were tricked or talked into making deals for things." Everyone nodded. Natasha sighed in displeasure before handing on the papers. "At that time, we'll need to know how and which ones you can help us with since the first one is over multiple areas and looks like we'll have Thor handling part of it."

"We like the big, blonde guy," Stark said, reading over them. He handed them to Clint, who growled quietly. "That's a cluster of fucks in the making." She nodded. "The slayers?"

"Seem to enjoy having the knowledgeable help that can protect themselves. Though they do all see them like they do Xander, very normal."

"I think that's their word for male," Steve said. "I got some of that too when I was helping them last time."

"They're mostly young women," Natasha said. "They don't have discriminating taste yet." She looked at Hill. "Should we pass this intel onto other agencies?"

"Not yet. Xander hasn't been wrong yet but we'll cautiously expand who knows in case it gets back to the wrong people."

Everyone nodded. "Not like they won't see the demons acting," Stark said. "That many deals has to get notice. It said one was from the same guys that did the invasion in LA. Weren't they a law firm?"

"The top tier of the firm and a few outsiders," Hill corrected. She looked at them. "Other agents are making arrangements for sword lessons just in case it'll take that instead of artillery or higher weapons."

"I'm hoping we don't have to do what Xander did to stop that invasion in Africa," James said quietly. Hill frowned, looking at him. "You never got that report?"

"No. I haven't."

James got into his phone, pulling up the picturebook of the report. "That's what Xander sent in. He was in bad shock for a few days." She took the phone to look over, going pale by the end. "Sarji's there."

"I saw him fighting beside her to take out something higher," she admitted. "Abby Scuito sent it to me." She handed the phone back. "Is that a new hellmouth?" He nodded. "I'll make note of that. We have monitors on most of them so we can keep track of energy output." She cleared her throat. "I'll let you know when the meeting is so you can bring up your probable response plans. We'll try to learn more about who's doing it and what's coming if we can." She left, going to tell Fury that. He got a copy of the report from Giles. She had never seen him looking so defeated. "Apparently it was the only way."

"Apparently," he agreed quietly. "I'd like a real report about it. Who's on it?"

"Sarji."

"Great. Local military?" She nodded because she had looked that up. "They'll let us put an energy monitor on it so they have advanced warning of it acting up during the convergence thing. Send Banner if you can. The girls react to him positively and he can easily set up the monitors for us." She nodded, going to make that call. Bruce was somewhere in the world. Now he had a whole vine of clusters of fucks to deal with. Those grew like wildfire if you didn't trim them quickly enough.

***

Agent Hill caught Clint Barton coming out of the tower that night. "I have been told to get Mr. Harris to bring back a report on what he's been doing for the last six months. Apparently the ones they have been getting from other sources are not complete, have errors in them, and if they do not have errors they're going to put him into the nut house."

Clint nodded with a grin. "I'll pass that along. I doubt he'll follow it."

"A few of the members of Congress who requested it think he's turned into something like his almost-wife, some sort of spirit of vengeance."

Clint shook his head. "He's a bit feral because he's been alone so long. He's a nice guy when you don't have him backed into a corner and you're not trying to give him orders."

She shook her head. "I'm so glad he's not an agent." She walked off.

Clint shrugged. "Sure, maybe he can have a few dates while he's up for the meeting too," Clint quipped, continuing on his trek for dinner. Stark was trying different demon produced liquors tonight to test what they did to humans. Everyone else was staying away from him because the first one he had tried last night made him hallucinate after a single shot; he tried to kill them all with a bat because they were apparently carnivorous butterflies.

The others in the tower decided they didn't need that shit in their lives. Especially after Pepper got hold of him that morning.

***

"Damn it, I need stress relief," Jake complained.

Xander grinned at him. "I'd introduce you to my original mom but the Bacchanalia tends to get a bit sweaty and hot. You definitely don't want to be wearing dog tags because they'll use it to pull you down into the masses." Jake stared at him, mouth open. "What? My original mom's a priestess of Bacchus. I never had a single question about sex ed."

"Is that why you draw guys like Wade?"

"I don't know," he admitted with a grin. "He wasn't terrible in bed." The Losers all shook their heads and Pooch held up a hand to stop that talk. "Sorry, guys. Now Buffy's dating him." Pooch groaned. "It could be worse. It could be one of the more innocent slayers like keep trying to pounce Ward."

"They know better than to date someone HYDRA," Clay said.

"Sometimes you gotta date who likes you and if they're tough enough to live in this life that's all good. None of the slayers would support HYDRA and the girls were all told why and how to drag people out of there if they had to, or how to handle it if they ran into a group of them. One of the girls in Europe did." Everyone nodded. "The locals, so not amused when a stampede of agents showed up to handle them. Then military people who wanted to take down SHIELD showed up.... It was a grand old party."

"How many groups could be hiding down here?" Cougar asked.

"None. I found the one that got noted to me, I freed the hostages while the rest slept the sleep of the drugged, and then I blew that shit up with them in it." Everyone stared at him. "I'd do the same to the Initiative guys if I run into them doing it again too, people." They just nodded and looked up that program. "It's where Riley Finn came from." They found that name and the program. Jake unlocked it and Clay growled about it. Roque even looked disgusted. "Yeah, so not a go on letting them try again." He smirked. "Plus HYDRA was the people who had James."

Clay nodded. "I heard he's dealt with some of them for that." Xander grinned. "You make weird friends, kid."

"Awww, and yet you, my weird friend, are pretty normal. Or so you claim."

Clay stared at him. "Don't try." Xander grinned. "How are you doing your passport?"

"Across borders and whenever I suddenly show up, some agent or officer shows up to stamp it for me with a grumble about magic." He grinned. "It's never ending now. Willow charmed it a few years back.

"Can't she get into trouble for altering government documents?" Jake asked.

"The State Department hates us," Xander said. "And doesn't want to give any of the girls passports. The president had to overrule him when we wrote in letters of complaint. So she made them all never ending and unexpiring. The president and Congress knew. They asked about it at the last swearing at us event. They asked Giles for mine specifically and I mailed it to him. They were so not amused." He grinned. "They hate me more than most."

"That's because you do crazy things," Clay said.

"We're just happy there's not that many cameras here," Jake quipped with a grin for Xander. "That way you don't end up on youtube."

"There's already slayer groupies. We've had to pull them off the girls more than once. And Giles, who was amused and flattered but embarrassed. They never come after me. I'm like the redheaded stepchild of the Council and they treat me like Cinderella or like the slave they hide in a closet at times." The guys all smiled at him. "They do."

"I'm sure they do," Clay agreed. "Where are we staying for the meeting?"

"I'm going to splurge on my microscopic paycheck and get a real hotel room where they have deep tubs and can spoil me rotten so I don't have to deal with people. Preferably one with security on hand."

"That's one way to keep former lovers off you and Clay," Roque quipped.

"Not like I'm going to pick up someone during it," Clay shot back. "I probably won't have time."

"The meetings will be endless while they argue," Xander said. "Form, style, teams, weapons. Plus the general bitching that'll happen first, and probably in the center, then again when we break up for the day." Jake reached over to pat him on the arm. "This is going to suck. I could skip."

"You had the visions," Clay reminded him.

"I know. Which sucks bigger." He finished his coffee and went to nap in his tent. The guys could hang out and talk about him behind his back. Maybe he'd get some good sleep. Or maybe he'd get a desperate plea from Gaia and get transported back there to handle her emergency. There were some seriously stupid people that had been in the world. She sent him back once everything was handled, about daybreak. He shook his head at Clay's stare. "Gaia's village got attacked. They were stupid humans clogging up the drain of the human race." He unpacked his tent and put it into the jeep. "C'mon, Clay. Since you're up you can drive. I'll nap until we get to the airport."

"Sure, kid." He got up to finish his packing and bundled everything but his gear into the team's jeep, taking Xander's keys from him so he could drive them to the closest airport. Giles had tickets arranged for them once they told him where they were. And a complimentary hotel suite they could share in New York so they got some rest. "The report?" Clay asked once they were waiting.

"I'll do it on the plane." He shrugged. "I don't really care if they do want one. I don't answer to them." Clay smirked a tiny bit. "I don't." He settled in to wait, getting his seat in business class when they were allowed to board. Xander rested and the people around him hated his snoring. Oh well.

***
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