Xander was found going back to Cleveland by agents. They were basically trying to surround him. "Yes, gentlemen, can I help you?" he asked.
"Mr. Harris, can we talk?" one asked. He looked smug.
"Sure. As long as you know I'm going to be taping this talk." They stared. "Because, yeah, the visions mean I've seen some of you." He stared at one. "How is your wife you killed?" The man took a swing at him. Xander ducked and shrugged. "You're not going to get me to act back so you can supposedly arrest me. I'm not that stupid."
A TSA agent walked over. "Gentlemen, is there something we can talk about?"
"No, they're fake agents," Xander said. "They're mad that they got canned for being assholes."
"I've seen you somewhere. An actor?"
"No, I'm Council." The TSA agent glared at him. "Not our fault. We just do it so we all survive. We don't really care about the peaceful community." One of the agents screamed and came at him with a knife out. Xander disarmed him and dropped the knife. More TSA guys showed up. "No, leave the fake agents alone, guys. Before they try to arrest you too." They ringed the fight area. "I'm not going to resist anything but being stabbed. If they try, I'll react. If they don't back off, I'm calling their boss."
"He doesn't like you either," one sneered.
"Not that one." The guys flinched. "Now, are you done?"
"He's *Council*," the first TSA agent sneered.
Xander sighed. "Sure, let me stop protecting your lazy ass," Xander said, staring at him. "You handle the next apocalypse battle so the girls have an easier day. Not like *you've* shown up to help at any of the battles. It's not that hard. I managed it as a fifteen-year-old kid without any training. You hate us that much, you handle it." The agent flinched back, shaking his head. Xander looked behind him. "Hey, Paul. Flying home?"
"Yes. They moved a lot of idiot agents here. Including two of those."
"I thought they got fired."
"They did but the new director had to rehire two even though they did things like kill their wife and the other one killed six suspects during an arrest. They have probational jobs until their trials."
"Awww, aren't you special," Xander told those two. "Thanks, Paul. Be safe, man."
"Welcome, Knight. Try to be safer."
Xander grinned at him. "If they want us gone that much, they can handle the hellmouth. The girls could use some easier days." The demon shuddered. "I know you guys were safe during that. Thank you." He shook his hand. "You guys helped a lot by not letting the young and stupid act up."
"You're welcome, Knight. We didn't want those bad eyes on our peoples." He walked off happier. It was nice to be appreciated. When an airline agent tried to prevent him from flying he called their customer support number to talk to them and they corrected the agent's assumptions.
Xander looked at the TSA agents, shrugging. "I wasn't aware two of them were rehired but that still doesn't mean they can stab me."
"No, that's not a legal arrest," another man said, stomping his way. "Why are you threatening the city?"
"I'm not. I'm promising that if they start on the Council again, we'll move. They can easily step in to help us handle stuff but they won't and we don't take bitching by cowards who hate us for handling the stuff we have to handle." The one who had killed his wife lunged at Xander to hit him. Xander blocked it and moved out of the way. "That's still not a legal arrest." He looked at the older man. "They reassigned you?"
"No. I'm now the office director."
"Congrats. At least you have sense, unlike your predecessor who was scared of the tiny minis."
"I saw the wimp." He hauled off the agents. "What are you doing?"
"He's why the world went to hell!" one said, pointing at Xander.
"Sure, next time I won't have my car break down near a demonic biker gang so I won't have to hide in a cave, which incidentally was where HYDRA was storing documents since they had a fire in a storage area," Xander said dryly. The agents all stared at him. He shrugged. "Not my fault my car broke down. I don't know cars all that well. They never really interested me."
The first TSA agent screamed and came at him with his gun out. Xander disarmed him and put him onto the ground. "Arrest him for assaulting me!"
"Since when has self defense been assault?" Xander asked calmly. He looked at the older agent. Who shook his head. "I'd like to never run into your heaving girl sorts but I'm only heading back to Cleveland to regather and help some girls graduating to a field house."
"Go," the senior agent said. "Do you have weapons?"
Xander grinned. "I have permission to have weapons. Even from the current president. He hates it but it was pointed out that apocalypse battles without weapons make a huge mess that the government has to help clean up."
"You're not supposed to have them on a plane." Xander pulled out his wallet and showed off the shrank, laminated letter of permission. "You're to be armed at all times?"
"Yeah, there was a warlord in Africa who was really mean after I turned down his attention. He tried to blow up the town I was in because I wouldn't be his girlfriend, as he put it. Since I disarmed a nuclear device on him, and that's what got him hot, agents over there told US ones and they demanded that I'm always armed in case his people show up. That way I can handle them."
The senior agent stared at him. "Are they here?" Xander pointed at someone staring. "The guy?"
"The wife is the second wife of one of his soldiers. I rescued her from their village when it got invaded by animals infected with some sort of zoological vampire virus." He smiled and waved. "Have a great trip, ma'am." She blushed and ducked her head, walking off with her child. Xander pointed. "That's her brother-in-law," he said quietly. The agent winced, having people follow them. "I have no idea why they're here. There's no conference or meeting locally that I've heard." He shrugged. "Can I go?" The senior agent nodded so Xander left. He got called in for a secondary screening but they couldn't find the weapons. It made the TSA guys pissed off but oh well. When the President said you're to carry weapons, you carry weapons.
***
Xander walked into the main house and shook his head at the screaming. "Unless it's an attack or a puppy trying to kill you, why are you screaming?" he yelled back.
"Spiders!" one of them called. Since she was about five, he went in to stomp the spider nest for her. "Thank you, Xander! They moved in when we were gone."
"They do that sometimes." He ruffled her hair. "Go get a broom to get the webs." She went to do that. "And try not to knock other stuff down with it."
"I'll do it so she doesn't kill the tv," one of the older girls sighed, following her.
Xander grinned, going to the office. "Who am I helping move?"
Giles handed over the list with a smile. "I'm afraid they all need practical clothes."
"I'm not buying slayer clothes, Giles. So you'd better find the card. You don't pay me that much." Giles tossed over the slayer shopping card. "Gee, thanks for the torture." He looked at the list. He called off the names. Most of them appeared. "I guess the others are meeting us at the mall so you get practical patrol clothes?" The girls all smiled. "Great, let's go undo what Buffy's doing to them." He drove them there in the facility van. He found Buffy and stopped her. "Ladies, most of you are going places without a washing machine. Wearing a dress is the wrong thing unless it's a full length skirt. Jeans are practical but those of you going to anywhere in Africa or parts of Asia need not-tight jeans." Buffy grimaced. "They can be killed for looking like what they think are sluts. Sluts show their asses and crotches and boobs." He shrugged. "They're conservative. So no dresses, no pants that aren't loose enough to be conservative but you can still fight in."
"No date nights?" Buffy demanded.
"If they wear what you're wearing, they'd be put to death," Xander said bluntly. "Even on a date night. You're lucky the ones going to Africa only need to learn how to tie a head scarf." She slumped. "Yeah! They're not like the US and you have to live with the local culture. If you want to bring the cute clothes, go ahead but you can't wear it there." They pouted but nodded. He got them looking at practical things. He tapped a few. "You four are going to Europe. Wear something less showy than Buffy or Faith, but better than the one going to Egypt." He pointed. "You're going to Egypt. You three are going to Asia, in conservative areas. You're going to Brazil and they'll never respect you because you're not a six-foot beauty queen sort so trying isn't going to get you anything but sneered at because they're not into that. There's a reason why girls down there have more plastic surgery than anywhere else in the world. That whole area is into the beauty queen stereotype and you're not one of them."
She grimaced. "Shoot, I was hoping for guys that might flirt back."
"Maybe at the college but probably not in the clubs and they'll expect you to be bikini ready at all times. I'd suggest some gym time to make it easier."
She nodded. "I have been. I heard they were uptight."
"It's a gang filled, poverty ridden, Catholic country that mostly all parties until they have kids. They have officers down there who shoot street orphans and are rewarded for it. There's a huge amount of gangs and we have a peace treaty with them. The local head will introduce you so they know you're there to save their scrawny, needing a bath butts and aren't there to be hit on so they can hook you on drugs so they can make you their ho." She winced. "It's one of the hardest houses because of the local culture. The next hardest is Egypt but they're used to old and ancient things and tourists." He shrugged with a hand wave. "You're there for six months and then you can ask to be reassigned unless something huge happens. Then you can ask if there's a problem like you need to get away from the gangs."
"I can do that," she promised. She hugged him then the girl going to Egypt. "We can chat all the time."
Xander nodded. "Yes you can and it's encouraged." He smiled at her. "I'll introduce you to the people you need to know about. The rest, be polite, be firm, be out of all the stress and cultural bullshit. You only need to cover your hair. People will yell at you about that." She nodded, grimacing. "There's some who want you in a fully covering outfit. Tunics, long ones that reach at least mid-thigh. Pants that are soft and flowing, because you'll die in the heat, but aren't tight. Long skirts that you wear leggings under to cover up that they have a slit for ease of fighting." She nodded. "Pretty scarves for your hair. No makeup."
She grimaced but nodded. "Good. The girls going to an Asian house, be comfortable, not boob showing. Nothing too tight. Some of the areas are Islamic and some aren't. Savor having a hamburger, Ismala, because you're going to India where the other two are going to the other houses. Sexy is no longer in your wardrobe or your vocabulary because it's forbidden. Also, Ismala, you're carrying extra security devices like a few of the others are." She nodded, patting him on the arm. He looked at Buffy. "We need to get the security devices from the witches. Mine's dead."
"I can call. No makeup?"
"No. They don't want women to be pretty, because they think it encourages men to have impure thoughts that they act on by raping people. Their version of handling that is to make the women hide themselves instead of telling the men to have self control."
She grimaced but nodded, walking off calling the witches about that. They knew about those areas. She looked back. "Xander, Beatrice said the one in Egypt isn't that bad now."
"Bull. I was there six months ago to help Sylvia because they attacked her in her house for only covering her hair. They're not in charge but there's roaming gangs of them."
"Oh." She repeated that and the girls were getting clothes under Xander's picky gaze. They agreed it was probably a good idea and they could send over emergency charms. Including one for Xander, even though they still hated him. Buffy joked about it was him or her and she couldn't get to parts of Africa. They agreed it was why they put up with Xander. She hung up and looked at the woman staring at her. "Yes? Can I help you?" The woman tried to slap her but she ducked. "Ma'am, I'm not your slave or your kid. Don't hit me. I'll put you in jail."
"You're evil," she sneered.
"No, I'm a slayer. I fight evil. You...you're pushing me to the point of wanting to fight the evil."
"The offer for them to jump into battles themselves stands," Xander called. "Because I could use a few battles off." He looked back at her. "If I could do it at fifteen and so could Buffy, you can do it at fifty, or however old you are. You hate us that much, make us obsolete so we can go somewhere else. Otherwise, have a nice day, ma'am, before we call officers to have you arrested for assaulting Buffy." The woman stomped off with a huff calling her reverend. Xander looked at Buffy, who shrugged, her hands in her pockets. "I think they need to protect themselves. They chose to build on top of a cemetery and I'm not protecting their church. If they think they're that holy, let them do their own protection there."
"We can't do that. It might spread."
Xander shook his head. "We'd handle it as soon as it moved off the property they don't want us to protect. They're actually suing us to make us quit protecting them. It was in the news this morning."
"I wondered why we had no papers this morning." She came back to help the girls match good outfits. "We'll handle all the lawsuits. It means they've got to handle it themselves and not go out to hunt on their own."
"If they wanted to, let them," Xander said quietly, staring at her. "We welcome help if they want to do it. Means we don't have as much work."
"The local community will kill us," she said.
"No, they'll kill the ones who take out the innocent." He shrugged. "Which isn't our problem."
"No, it's not when others patrol for vamps or help in battles." She sighed but nodded. "If they want to protect themselves I won't fight it. Cleveland's too big for just me to do it anyway."
He hugged her. "I know. That's why we leave you Faith and a few others." She smiled. "Let's get them sneakers and practical boots." She nodded, taking them to do that and get pretty bras and underwear. "Get practical ones," he called from where he was sitting. He didn't step foot into a bra shop. "Not pretty. Practical to be fighting in."
"You can do both," she quipped. "You could come in."
"Woman, you traumatized me enough that I had horrified nightmares about watching you shop. You're lucky I'm in this mall at all." The saleswoman laughed but helped them pick out pretty, practical things. He looked over at the officer coming his way with the huffy woman. "Did she tell you she tried to slap Buffy?"
"No," the officer said, looking at her. "You can't have her arrested unless she hit you back, ma'am."
"No, she ducked," Xander said.
Buffy came out and looked at the woman. "I don't care if your people sue us. If you want to protect your own areas, do it. Take some of my work. I can use the time to do my nails." She looked at the officer and had to duck the woman trying to hit Buffy with her purse. "Can't you take her somewhere with a straight jacket?"
"I can at least take her somewhere with handcuffs," he said, pulling his out. "You're pressing charges?" Buffy nodded. Xander nodded too. "You, sir?"
"I'll cosign. I saw her do it."
"Thanks. Any others?"
"I had some former agents and two that are on probation, plus some charming TSA bigots, trying to provoke me into being able to arrest me. Including coming at me with a knife and a gun earlier." The officer winced. "The head agent of the local FBI office stopped them before I had to beat their asses in the airport and get bail money."
The officer nodded. "Always a better idea."
"They hate that we do our job because it goes against their religion. That's why we put out information on all the politicians that sold themselves." The woman shrieked and struggled, starting to pray for strength to take out the blasphemers. Xander got into a website and showed the officer. "She's apparently mad about her minister being listed by the demons themselves."
The officer looked, paging down. "Wow, that's my supervisor." He clicked on that name, finding the reason for it. "Oh, he saved his wife from the car accident. That's why we considered it miraculous. Only five percent."
"Most of them wouldn't ask for a full soul for something good but if you're doing it for selfish ones then they'd take more," Buffy agreed. She backed out and found that minister's name. "Hmm." She let the officer see it then showed the woman, who turned her head and closed her eyes, still praying. "Up to you, ma'am. Not my fault you're willingly blind and stupid." She handed Xander back his phone. "We're prepping some of the girls to go to overseas houses."
"Going to Asia and one in Egypt," Xander said quietly.
"Oooh. Have you tried the immigrant section?"
"We can go there later," Buffy said with a smile. "So far we've been okay." She went back to pay for the girls' stuff.
Xander looked at them. "I had to point out boobs and skirts were bad."
The officer smiled. "I do the same thing to my teenage daughters." He walked the woman off. "Maybe you'll pray enough to get miraculous bail money, ma'am. Until then quit struggling before I add resisting arrest charges." She started to shriek so he called in for help and had to drag her off. More officers showed up to help him. "Tried to smack around Buffy Summers for daring to out demon owing people."
One of them stared at him then at her. "Some of them at least do good things."
"I'd never blame anyone who made deals to save their families," he said, glancing at one. That one winced. "Better that than wanting to be president."
"Definitely," that officer agreed. The others stared at him. "It saved her."
"Hell, I'd sell most of my soul to save my wife too," one said, clapping him on the shoulder.
"Five percent according to the site," the first officer said with a smile. "Buffy said they take more for the ones who want power and stuff instead of ones who do selfless things."
"Makes sense and five percent isn't anything. You can get that much taint from a good boy's night out with strippers," the most slayer hating one said. "I'm sure I did when I lived like a rock star in my youth." He looked at him. "I'd save your wife too. I like her more than most of us." The officer smiled. They dragged the swearing and struggling woman off.
***
Bucky looked around Steve's apartment a few days later. "Are there missions after I heal?" he asked.
"If you want, you could join the team." He turned to look at him. "That would be up to you."
"You just want me healed."
"Yes, I do. You were my best friend and half of my soul." Bucky scowled. "Even though we've both changed, I just want you better so you can make your own decisions, Bucky."
"I'm not him." He pointed at a drawing.
"No, he's part of you but not all of you. Some day I hope you remember all the amazing things you did and hopefully not as many of the bad things." He stood up and moved closer but Bucky backed out of touching range. "Sure. I get that." He put his hands in his pockets. "I want you healthy so you can make your own choices."
"What if I don't want to remember?"
"Then don't."
"I can't stop them!" he shouted. "They come up when I don't want them to! When I'm sleeping! When I was in the shower!"
"I've had flashbacks too," he said quietly. "That's why I don't sleep enough and I spend so much time in the gym destroying punching bags." He grimaced but made it go away. "I'd love to not have flashbacks."
"So it never gets fully better?"
"Not everyone has flashbacks. With the way your memories are suppressed they might not come back that way after you get all you can back." Bucky slumped against the back of the couch. Steve shrugged. "I'm sorry. I thought I was doing the best to help you."
"No one asked."
"Yeah, they did. It was this or a jail cell, or some other government taking you in as a weapon they programmed." Bucky shuddered. "It was selfish of me but I only want you to get your memories back and to figure out how you want to live."
"What if they come for me?"
"They're not coming for you because I'll destroy them. I'll have help." He smiled a tiny bit. "I might even be able to call on some new contacts to get help. You didn't know this but demons rescued you from that bank vault with the memory wiping machine. They were doing someone a favor when he heard about you being a torture victim to HYDRA."
"Who?"
"Mr. Harris. He works with the slayers."
"I've read about why they came out of the shadows. He wasn't mentioned."
"He was in Africa training the girls."
"Oh." He looked down, chin to his chest while he thought. "What if I don't want this?"
"Then talk to Natasha about how to repress them again," Steve said. "Start all over from this point."
"I..." He grimaced. "That seems worse."
Steve nodded. "It'll mean rebuilding everything from the base up but if that's what you want I'll support you in it."
Bucky stared at him. "What if I want to join the team?" he asked quietly.
Steve nodded. "I was going to ask you when you felt you were ready. When you're back on a firmer mental footing and ready to be able to fight. When we can spar and you don't flinch."
"I..."
Steve reached over to him, squeezing both his shoulders while staring at him. "You'll get there when you get there. There's no hurry. There's no one pushing from behind. Even if Stark gets bitchy about stuff, I'll clean out my spare room and you can have it." He smiled. "You're still my best friend, even if you don't remember it. Until the end of the line, you're my Bucky and my friend."
Bucky nodded. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." He grinned. "Come see what I'm working on? I found some unusual flowers." He let Bucky see what he was working on. It was a pretty still life.
Bucky pointed. "You forgot a leaf."
"It wouldn't come out with that curl. I've sketched it a few times but I'm not happy with that one yet so I'll keep working on that part." Bucky nodded, then looked around. "I know, I've been doing this instead of beating punching bags."
"I can see why. It's special."
"Some are special, some are just drawing to get out of my head." He looked at him. "My therapist hates it but yay."
"You have one?"
"Yeah. To handle the flashbacks and all the bad memories that mean I can't sleep."
"Oh. Is he nice?"
"He's good, but he's blunt."
"That's good."
"I know one who could probably help you better. He's in DC though."
"No, you need to be here."
"I'll ask him for someone's name."
"Why not yours?"
"Because I don't want him to have to play between us. That way he doesn't have to try to hide things you tell him about me. Or me about you. He said he didn't want to be in the middle of that."
"I guess that's okay. Can...can you?"
Steve nodded, picking up his phone to call him. "Sam, Steve Rogers. I need a bit of a referral to someone up here in New York for Bucky. Mine doesn't want to work with him so he's not caught in the middle like we're together as he said." He wrote down names. "Are they VA too? Can you ... yeah, I do need that name. Thanks, Sam. Yeah, I'm okay. He's better. He's starting to ask questions and get interested in things. Thanks." He hung up. "He gave me three names and someone we need to talk to at the VA about your service so they can properly close out your file and make sure you're not listed as dead."
"That will make people come."
"Actually, I don't think so." He smiled. "Let's go talk to Tony." He took him down the floor Tony's lab was on. He tapped on the glass, not getting any attention. He looked up. "JARVIS, please?" The AI opened the door, that got attention. "Tony, can you help Bucky with something?"
He nodded, putting down his drafting pencil. "I can do that. With what?"
"His file still lists him as KIA."
"Oh, that. I can call Rhodey to see if he knows someone Army."
"Please. He's worried it'll mean people coming for him."
"It might but probably not that way since you're not able to be programmed any more." He called Rhodey. "Got a delicate situation. No, I didn't knock up some cadet," he sighed. "You know I haven't stepped out on Pepper. Bucky Barnes is still listed as KIA with the army." He listened, leaning back in his chair. "That's what they're worried about. Thanks." He hung up. "He will have two generals show up. One is one I worked with," he told Bucky. "Back when I designed weapons. The other is in the army and he's a hardass but be honest and point out you're healing from the brainwashing and you have *no* memories."
"I can do that. I do have almost no memories. I get a few flashes but nothing solid."
Tony nodded. "It could be a better outcome by now but without tampering or anything it's an expected outcome. Research on amnesia says it tends to be get broken into and then comes in a heavy flood for a while then tapers off before going back to flashes now and then."
"I've had a few flashes but nothing like a flood."
"Maybe it'll happen sometime soon. They say the smallest thing could activate it. Including a scent or a taste."
Bucky nodded. "Maybe then. Not sure if I want them all back."
Steve shoulder nudged him. "Even if you only get a few, I'm still with you. Even if it's just the bad ones."
"I... this is getting awfully mushy and I don't think I'm that sort of guy. Thanks, Mr. Stark." He walked off with his head down. He ran into someone in the elevator. "I don't know you, Miss."
"I'm Darcy Lewis. We're running here sooner because some science douche wanted to adopt Jane. Do you know where Stark is?" He pushed the button for the floor he had gotten in on. "Thanks, dude." She got off and ran that way. Bucky went back upstairs, shaking his head. She tapped on the lab door then leaned in. "Some science douche tried to adopt Jane to fix her theories and focus in science since it's clearly bullshit and Thor had to smite him really hard, like through three walls really hard, so we're here and Jane's going up to bed to rest the broken ribs and arm with Thor. The moving stuff is still coming though."
"Anyone Bruce or I might know?"
"He sneered about Bruce while I was trying to get her free. The guy took a taser to the chest and just shoved me back. He was scary powerful."
"Human?" Stark asked.
"No damn clue. I'm not sure if Thor knows."
"Okay." He stood up and came out to help her with Steve. "C'mon, Thor and Jane are upstairs. JARVIS, get them to the right area?"
"I have, sir."
"Thanks, J," Darcy quipped with a grin and a wave at the ceiling. "Thor was in a mighty temper that nearly had him blowing smoke out his ears. He didn't even have the hammer when he knocked the guy through three walls."
"The London police department recorded him as a theoretical physicist," the AI said. "I've pulled up his dossier. He has no connection to Stark International or Industries, but he has been known to send threatening letters to Dr. Banner that make him go green. I believe he threatened to have his body examined by the most stringent scientists and have Dr. Ross done the same way."
"No wonder he Hulked up. I'd Hulk up too," Tony said. He knocked then walked in. "Hey, we need a doctor?" He looked at Jane's bandages. "We have an infirmary by the communal area and it has a doc on call."
"I'll be fine for tonight. The ER took good care of me and gave me mild painkillers," she said. "I'm okay."
"Bullshit," Darcy quipped with a grin. "You got hurt by the douche nozzle of science."
Tony grinned. "He's not even that good. Justin Hammer's at that level and this guy sounds worse."
"If he gets his mind working after I harmed him for harming what's mine," Thor said. "I will smite him harder next time."
"We'll get pompoms," Darcy said.
Steve smothered a smile. "We can cheer him on without them. Thor, just let us know and we'll help." He looked around. "Where's your hammer?"
Thor scrunched up his face. "Did I forget it?" He looked at Jane.
"Big guy, we went from the ER to the airport," Darcy said. "It's possible. The last I saw her, she was on the coat rack again." She called their neighbor back there. "It's Darcy and I had to remove Jane after some weirdo attacked her for her love of science. No, like broken ribs, bruised head, damaged and Thor went *off* on the guy. The guy went through *three* walls. Can you check on Eric and have him tell us if Thor left anything there? Thanks. I know Eric never answers a phone. Have a better day, Dave." She hung up. "We'll see." Jane nodded, yawning.
"I'll call our on-call doc for a check of the strapping," Tony said, doing that. "And I'll make sure the moving team is going to be all right." He walked off. "Jane, come bother us tomorrow and we'll give you the tour."
"Who was the guy with the arm?" she asked Steve.
Steve grimaced. "That's Bucky. He's an old friend of mine and got hurt. He's recovering."
"Oh, okay. He seemed nice. He was real polite in the elevator." She smiled. "I probably won't need to help Jane with science tomorrow so let me know if you need my help with anything, Captain. I'm good at helping."
He smiled and nodded. "I can do that." He nodded at Thor. "Let us know if you need help, Thor."
"I can do so and probably summon my hammer." He went outside to try that and settled in to wait. It took a while for a mystical hammer to fly across the ocean. Jane could rest without him trying to hover and setting off her ribs aching. He could seethe and make plans for anyone else who came near his Jane as well.
***
Darcy walked into the kitchen the next morning and smiled. "Hi, you must be Bucky. I'm Darcy, I'm Jane Foster's assistant." She held out a hand. He nodded carefully. She smiled. "I'm not the formal sort. I won't pounce you to hug you unless you ask." She smiled. "I'm fun but I'm not mean."
"I'm...not really."
"Fun or mean?"
"I..." He frowned at her. "I don't know."
"Okay. If you want to figure that out, let me know. I've got to find my way around this huge city to find a great place for decent food I can afford." She moved around him, making coffee. "I'm pretty sure you're like Jane that you need caffeine before you're fully aware of things. Most of the guys here seem like it. At least most of them aren't like Jane and they get lost in the science." She looked him. "Jane will forget everything for days on end thanks to science."
"Steve said Stark was that way."
"Cool. I can help with that too probably." She looked in the cabinets. "No chocolate syrup. I'll have to get some for my own coffee." She poured his cup full, then got two others. "Let me bring this to Jane. She's a bit grumpy from the broken ribs."
"At least they heal in a few days."
She looked at him. "Not in regular people. It can take weeks." She shrugged but grinned. "It gives Thor time to fuss. Nice meeting you, Bucky." She walked off.
"Yeah, nice to meet you too," he said to her back to be polite. His mind was still trying to decode what she had babbled at him. He shook his head quickly and drank his coffee, going to hide from more people who didn't know about him. He ran into Steve in the hallway. "She's happy."
"Who?"
"Darcy. She's happy and she's bouncy."
Steve smiled. "Some girls are. She seems sweet."
"That's nice. She made coffee for her and Jane." He went to hide to figure that out. JARVIS helped by showing him internal security tapes of things that weren't secure or delicate. Darcy was begging Jane to drink the coffee and take her pain killer before she bit Thor or someone. Jane finally took the pill with the coffee and Darcy handed over the toast she had made earlier with a cheery smile. Jane nibbled and laid back down. Darcy woke Thor up from the porch where he was hugging his hammer. Bucky had a moment of feeling scared for Darcy but Thor only grumped and went in to hug Jane so they could go back to sleep. Bucky decided he could watch that one. He wasn't sure how to take happy, bouncy people. They might be threats that were hidden. They might be innocents. They might be problems that would come for Steve. He'd have to watch her to make sure she wasn't a threat to Steve.
***
Darcy bounded out when Stark called. "She's deeply asleep on Thor's stomach," she told the doctor. Who smiled. "I gave her the morning painkiller with toast and coffee. Give me a minute to get her up." She jogged back in there. "Jane, doctor time."
"Screw science. It's Thor time," she mumbled into the firm abs. Thor laughed.
"The doc is here to look at her ribs," she told Thor. He got up and put on pants, which made Jane scowl, but he carefully helped her up and out to the infirmary. Darcy followed with Jane's pill bottle and pausing to get a cup of coffee for Jane before she bit the doctor. "Here, to lube the science before you bite the nice doctor guy."
The doctor smiled. "I'm not nice, Miss Lewis, but I'm not that mean today."
"Jane is without coffee and food," she warned then went back to the living room to make more coffee and make sure there was bottles of water in the fridge. She nearly jumped when someone walked into the kitchen, making deliberate noise. "Oh, hi. I'm Darcy, Jane's assistant." She smiled. "I made fresh coffee."
"Thank you," Natasha said. "What else are you doing?"
"Making sure there's water and stuff stocked. Jane has broken ribs thanks to an idiot of science." She smiled at Bruce. "I remember meeting you, Dr. Banner. Coffee?"
"Tea actually. It's better for my blood pressure."
She poured a bottle of water into the tea kettle and put it on. "There, soon." He smiled at her for that niceness. "Jane's in the infirmary with Thor looking at her broken ribs and injured arm."
"Why?" Bruce asked.
"For the same reason you got letters that made you Hulk out," Stark said as he came in, going for the coffee. "Thank you, Lewis."
She smiled. "Science seems to come at the call of caffeine."
"Yes it does," he quipped. "Need stuff? Tell JARVIS so he can order it."
"I can do that." She grinned. "Where's the stockpile of bottled water?" He pointed at the pantry. She looked and put more into the fridge. "What about those bottle services?"
"Some of us are too paranoid for that," Tony said, pointing at Natasha, who scowled at him for it. He walked off happier. "Jane with Thor?"
"And the doc."
"That's good. Bruce, same guy that sent you those letters, kidnaped her to correct her focus." They heard Bruce growl. Darcy found a cookie to hand him and poured the hot water into a cup, handing him the tea bag container so he could make his own. He smiled and walked off doing that. Stark looked at her. "Damn you're good." She smirked. "I might keep you even if Jane and Thor break up." He walked off happier.
Darcy looked at Natasha. "I'm about to make Jane actual food so she can take her next pain pill. Need me to make an extra sandwich for you?"
"No, I'm not hungry. Thank you, Darcy."
"You're welcome." She smiled, turning around to make food. "Know any good place to get wings?" She looked but Natasha was gone and Clint was walking in looking confused. "I'm making Jane food for the pain killer."
"I heard from last night."
She grinned. "I guess that's why you're a great spy?"
"I am," he agreed with a grin, getting coffee and leaving.
She finished the sandwich and brought it to where she could hear Jane complaining. "Here, to soak up the pills." She looked at the doctor. "Unlike Thor, Jane's a normal human. When we break, we need help to handle it. We're not going to let you hurt her more because she's a normal human."
"She can't be if she handles Thor in the bedroom."
"I'm not savage and I do know how to be gentle," Thor complained.
"JARVIS, we need Stark please?" Darcy asked. "We're having a moron to normal people translation issue." The doctor glared at her. She glared back. "I've seen better on frat bothers who wanted in my bra and didn't get it." Tony strolled in. "He thinks Jane's super powered."
Tony looked at the doctor. "Where did you come from?"
"SHIELD sent me, Mr. Stark."
"No, I called for our usual doctor, not SHIELD's plant. Sorry but fuck off."
A girl appeared, looking around. "Why did you send me here?" she demanded with a foot stomp. "Damn it, I'm supposed to be helping my sister beat her abusive boyfriend."
"I prefer crowbars for those sort," Darcy said. The girl blinked at her. "Hi. Who are you?"
"I'm the Slayer Miranda. Just now on patrol clearance." She looked. "Oh, hi, Mr. Stark. Did you call for an emergency slayer due to the demon next to you?"
"I didn't know he was a demon so no, but what sort is he? Can you tell?" Willow appeared and took her but then came back. "Miss Rosenburg."
"Sorry, the emergency issue popped here first and her sister really needs her to stop her from killing her exboyfriend. Boys really need to be better. I tried to make sure Xander was but he's a bit bad sometimes, but not to his lovers." She looked at the demon, which changed and tried to scare her. "Watch me end your reality." She pulled up magic. The demon started to run but Thor caught it and slammed it into a wall. She smiled. "Thank you. It's nice when boys help." She took the demon with her. "Giles, I found a harmful one being a demon near Mr. Stark." He came out to get the demon so they could question him.
Stark shook his head with a sigh. "Great. Sure. Let me call Hill to warn her."
Xander appeared with a sigh, shaking his head. "She knows. She just found out when the whole infirmary tried to eat people. I was just there and felt Willow. She sent me." He looked at how Jane was hunched over. "Straighten up, it's stressing the broken parts, Doctor Foster. I speak from having *many* broken ribs thanks to fighting bigger, stronger things that think I'm a toy." He moved closer, checking the straps. "A bit too loose and shifted. Want me to properly strap them?"
"How would you know?" Darcy asked.
He grinned. "I've been training slayers in the field and there's no hospitals in parts of the world. Beyond that, I hate doctors. They're evil and the ones in my former town used to try to kill people for profit." He grinned. "I can do it or I can help Thor do it. That way he quits growling at me for being near his chosen mate." He looked at him. "Down, boy. She's not mean enough for me and neither are you." Thor snorted. "I nearly married Anyanka, Thor. You're not nearly mean enough to be mine." Thor shuddered. "Exactly." He grinned at Jane. "Want me to strap it?" She nodded. "Okay. Got something under the t-shirt? I don't want to seem like I'm groping or something."
"I know you're not," Thor said.
"It's better if she doesn't think I am." He looked at her. "You're not my type, they're not usually into hard core thinking outside of plans to take over an area." She smiled but sipped her coffee. "Okay. T-shirt up," he said, taking it off her. Stark turned around so he didn't have to look. "Yeah, the strapping slipped. Let me feel." He felt along the sides gently, seeing where she hissed and winced. "Hmm. We can handle that and the one under your breasts you can choose to bind them down for a bit, though do not use ace bandages as they can warp your bones, or you can just strap the others. Up to you."
"I can bind them later if I need to," she said. "Thank you, Mr. Harris."
"Call me Xander, Dr. Foster. I'm not the stick up the ass sort that some of the others are." He grinned. "I'm much nicer than them unless I have to handle an attack." He took off the strap and cleaned it then lined it with a cloth. "This'll help absorb the sweat and make it a bit more comfortable. I've layered a full t-shirt under mine while I was in Africa. Though I only had an ace bandage and I ended up breaking a whole other rib when the compression wouldn't let me move right during an attack by idiots with guns who hated white guys." She winced but he was moving it around her chest.
"Okay, slowly lift your arms. Any fast movement will kill you." She nodded, letting Thor hold her arms up for her. "That's good. And not groping," he said as he moved it under her breasts. "Not groping again, just adjusting." He tightened the velcro strap. "Breathe in as far as you can." She did and he tightened it until she winced. "Now, breathe normally. Let's make sure it doesn't slip." She did and he tightened it a bit more. "I got taught this trick by someone who had horses. That's how they do the saddle strap that goes under the belly of the horse." He grinned at her and tightened the other straps. "There. Can you breathe?" She nodded.
"Do you know how to redo it later, Thor?" He nodded. "I wouldn't suggest taking it off to shower but I know it's easier to do it without it unless he's giving you a sponge bath." He handed her the t-shirt for Thor to help her put on. He looked at her arm. "That we can ace bandage." He found one in a drawer and wrapped it for her. "Wiggle the fingers that make Thor blush." She blushed too but did it. He tapped it down with athletic tape. "There. How's that? Supported?" She nodded. He looked in her eyes. "Very mild concussion. Bad nightmares?"
"A few but Thor's abs took care of those."
He smiled. "Sometimes some friendly abs are great at that." He looked at Thor. "Know how to do it later?"
"I can if I must."
"Good. She probably can't wash her hair or back at all right now."
"I can help her with that."
"My ex's all thought it was great when I did that for them." He grinned at her. "Let him baby you. Tough, warrior guys need babying and fussing time because you being hurt makes him feel edgy and uptight."
"I can do that. Thank you, Xander."
"You're welcome. Not the first time. The slayers tend to freak out more about it because they have the warrior mindset usually." Thor covered a smile. "Very at times. Okay, pain killers every eight. Take it with food if you get nauseous. Caffeine will make you light headed but you probably already know that. Rest, let him fuss and baby you. Six weeks and have someone take x-rays in four to make sure they're healing."
"I can do that. Thank you," she said. He patted her on the cheek and looked at Darcy, who he hugged. "Awww."
"I need someone to get into trouble with. I'm taking the nagging ones to their new positions for a six month stint. I got to teach them how not to dress like hos in Egypt and Asia." He disappeared with a manic grin.
"That'd drive me nuts too," Stark admitted, looking back then turning around. "You okay?"
"I'm good," she said. "It feels a lot more solid. He's good."
"When you're in the middle of nowhere you have to take care of your own injuries," Stark agreed. "Though I'd hate that myself."
Darcy nodded. "I'd probably hate that too." They walked out together. "Jane, sandwich." She was nibbling it. "Stark, should I make you food?"
"No, I had takeout a while ago, Lewis. Thanks though." He looked at Thor. "Go rest, big guy. She's not fit to do anything right now." Thor nodded, taking her back to their suite to help her bathe the unstrapped parts. It was a good idea and it did make her feel special and fussed over. Plus gave him a good thing to do.
Darcy walked into the kitchen to make herself a sandwich, smiling at Steve. "Now that I've fed Jane I can feed myself."
He smiled. "We weren't sure who you were making food for."
"Jane gets lost in science and sometimes in Thor's abs. She's gotta eat. You can't live on either of those." Steve laughed but nodded. She made more coffee and handed Steve a sandwich then walked off eating hers.
He took it and coffee to Bucky's suite, letting him have them. "Darcy made it for me."
"I'll thank her later. I don't think I've ever met anyone like her."
"No, we didn't know anyone as full of life as she is." He smiled. "I'm going to the park if you wanted to join me."
"It's not safe yet."
"Okay." He went to get his sketching kit and headed out. Others could help Bucky if he needed it.
***
Stark went down to meet the generals. "Hey. It's not a great day. He had nightmares all night," he said quietly. The Air Force general nodded. The army one looked confused. "Let's go up to the common area. His suite's off it." He paged Steve too. They ran into Darcy and Jane, Darcy nagging Jane about not being in any shape to put together her lab. The generals looked amused but oh well. They went up and Stark took them to Bucky's suite, getting him opening the door with Natasha right there. "Generals, this is James Buchanan Barnes."
"Oh my god," the one in the Army said, staring at him. "This is going to be one hell of a story I'm sure, boys. Let's sit down, Sergeant." Bucky flinched and held his head, moaning and going to his knees.
Natasha and Stark helped him into a chair and she got him a cool cloth. "Russians found him when he fell," she said quietly. She found the file she had gotten for Bucky. "This is as much as we could find. He is in no shape to do anything with it. He's barely recovered any memories. This is the most he's recovered in the month he's been here." Steve rushed in and right to Bucky's side. "He had a memory breakthrough when the general called him by his rank."
Steve looked at the generals. "Thank you. It's hard for him to have any of the memories pop through." They nodded, looking at the file.
The army one looked up. "Does he remember any of this?" Steve and Natasha both shook their heads.
"All I have are screams and a few fires," Bucky said, blinking at them. "A few flashes of Steve being younger and scrawny but getting into fights." He pushed Steve off. "I'm okay."
"I know. Want some water or coffee or tea?" Bucky shook his head but he swallowed. Steve got him some ice water. "It'll probably be a long talk so you can have it later." He sat down. "Some demons found him with HYDRA and Mr. Harris had him rescued."
"Harris. The guy with the Council?" the Army general asked. Steve nodded. "We're not supposed to talk to him."
"Why?" the Air Force guy asked.
"Because he and his friends took down a special operations unit," Stark said bluntly. "That was torturing demons and had a plan for a super bad guy." Both generals groaned. "He said something about the general that found out yelled at them until he found out what they were doing. I'm guessing there's a problem when a slayer, a watcher, a construction guy, a behavior controlled vampire, and two witches take down a military program."
The Army general smirked. "How would they do that?" Stark pulled up the files his AI had found for him, letting him see. "Oh, they did. That might explain why he's handling Africa so well."
"He's more about handling things as they happen," Natasha said. "I looked at him for SHIELD. I find him pleasant but his contacts dangerous."
The Army general looked at her. "I don't want to know." He put that tablet aside and went back to the file. "So, you're the boogey man the Winter Soldier." Bucky nodded, sipping some of the water. "You don't remember anything?"
"Between missions I was wiped, refueled, fixed, and then frozen," he said quietly. Both generals stared at him. "I didn't even know my name until Steve told me in the hospital in England."
"England?"
"That was before Pierce got arrested," Stark said. "He was the dick in charge of Bucky."
"That's really bad," the Air Force guy sighed. "How many memories have you gotten?"
"It's more like flashes. Like a collage I see a tiny piece and a tiny piece and they don't go together. I don't have a full memory yet. I'm told I had fun when I was younger."
"You did," Steve agreed. "Plenty of dames too."
"That was probably part of the fun," Stark quipped, settling himself on a chair from the dining table. "It is for most young guys." Steve shot him a dirty look. Rhodey shot him one too. Then alarms started to go off. "JARVIS?" he demanded.
"Agents of unknown origin are trying to break in, sir. I've stopped them in the lobby so far but it's only minutes before they make it through the stairway door."
"Get Thor. Rogers, guard them."
"They're coming for me," Bucky said.
"Not necessarily," the AI said. "They're talking about the alien one. I think they're here to take out Thor. We have response teams showing up. Agent Coulson is here. So is Mr. Harris thanks to a demon. I'm not sure why but he went after one in specific and they're down. Agent Coulson's teams have the others outside two in the emergency stairway." Stark and Natasha ran out.
"I should help," Bucky said, standing up.
"Sit," the Army General said. "You're in no shape to get into a battle, Sergeant." Bucky winced at that name. "Rogers, watch him in case they want him too. We'll go guard ourselves and work on his paperwork in a minute." They got up and headed out with Rhodey, who got them into the weapons case. Barton was already down there ending some of the stymied invaders. They heard people running up the stairs that weren't being stopped and then someone was pounced by a dark haired blur. That one went visible and groaned as he broke on the floor. Two more blurs came up the stairs, one a literal blur and the other less fast. That and the other two demons were taken out by the three blurs and one of the generals put up his hands.
Xander stared at him. "I know you're not a danger. Your people are warriors from long back and usually honorable outside the poker table and them being talked into Taraka's clutches." He shrugged. "I don't care about you." The general relaxed. Xander put on his sunglasses, looking around. It let him see through walls and the floors. "Thor, two steps behind you and to the right. They're invisible until you break them but they're not real good at it." He lashed back and beat the one behind him with the knife, taking the knife from him. "Cool, I needed another one." He threw it at something near the doorway. "No interrupting. That's not why you told us they were coming." He looked around again. "Thor, right, the other right. Listen for the breathing, Thor. Shit, Quicky, go help Thor?" He handed him his sunglasses.
"I can see them when I'm zipping around. They're still too slow." He ran off.
Stark blinked at him then the other one. "The ones you rescued?"
"Yeah." He grinned. "The demon wanted to see me battle so he canceled his poker debt by taking us here so he could be amused and if I killed them, it's good on his people since they wanted to kill him and have a contract on his daughter's life for daring to marry." He pulled his gun and shot the demon coming up from the landing pad outside. "No, you can't help either. Sorry!" He waved the hand with the gun. "You don't want to be messed up in this, religious demon dude." The demon snarled and changed, coming in. The generals shot him. "Silver," he said, tossing his gun over and walking off. They shot the demon, which turned back, outside the scales. Xander slammed one invisible one into the wall, freeing Wanda. "Sorry, dear."
"No flirting," she complained.
He blew a kiss with a smirk. "Suck it up, Wanda." She scowled. He stared back. "By the way, that's Tony Stark out there. He's one of the guys that helps run the Avengers, which you probably belong with." She huffed but stomped out to talk to him. Xander grinned and went in there, getting the demon that Thor was struggling with by stabbing him in the back of the skull. It screamed but died. Xander pointed at the other one. Thor killed it with his hammer. Xander helped the other one up. "Pietro, go help your sister talk to the other Avengers," he said. The kid nodded, holding his head as he wobbled out.
"HYDRA had them made specially," he said with a shrug. He walked off, finding Bucky. "They wanted Thor, don't worry about it." He walked out there, shoving both kids into seats. "Sit." They huffed at him. "Keep it up, I'll treat you like bratty slayers." They shook their heads. He grinned. "Generals, you might warn people over in the Middle East that they tried to kill the slayer in Egypt for no reason. So they have no more in the region. The closest one is now in Cameroon." He grinned. "Had enough of the fuckers."
"I don't doubt that," the Air Force general said. "Who're you?"
He grinned. "Xander Harris, trainer for the New Council."
"Oh! Great. Pleasure to meet you. Is this an on-going problem?" Xander pointed at the demon they had killed. "Who was he?"
"Major mega preacher that's part of a demonic coven to bring down the slayers. There's nine of them. Well, eight now I guess." He shrugged. "They've been causing us problems since the battle in LA. The one in Cleveland is a big pain in the ass and is suing us so we don't protect them. Which is fine with us. One less area." He walked off. "Pietro, blood sugar issues?"
"No. Headache, Xander. Thank you."
"Welcome." He looked at the demon out there, going to make sure he was dead. Then he grinned. "Tell my dad and mom I said hi, okay?" He stood up and walked off again. "Darcy, you good?"
"Was locked in the bathroom with Jane," she called, coming out with her. "Why did they want Thor?"
"Religious demons?" He pointed at the dead one.
"Oh, great. Wonderful really." She looked at the two new ones. "Are you two okay?" They nodded, staring at her. "I'm Jane Foster's assistant, Darcy. She's Thor's girlfriend."
"Oh," Wanda said, nodding. "Sure. That's cool."
Darcy grinned. "Let me make some coffee. I'm sure someone needs some."
"Bourbon's here," Stark said with a point.
"Laced coffee is for late nights, Stark, not after a battle. You don't need things to make you lash out and use that adrenaline. That's why I'm not supposed to keep tazing people." The generals both smiled. Rhodey turned to hide his. "Anyone need anything from my trip in this general direction?"
"We're good," Bruce said, coming up the stairs. "JARVIS locked me in my lab, Stark."
"If you had Hulked out, he could've contained you or released you to help, Bruce. That way they couldn't get to you."
"I hadn't thought of that. Do I have a safe room you didn't tell me about?"
"I didn't show you the safe room behind the filing cabinets?"
"No."
"Remind me to do that later."
"I'll do that." The others came up the stairs with the SHIELD agents. "Anyone not okay?"
"We're good," Coulson said. "Thank you, Dr. Banner. Who's the one on the landing pad?"
"Religious demon," Xander quipped.
Coulson stared at him. "Go get sick if you need to, Xander."
"I quit doing that after the graduation battle, Phil. Once you've face down an ascending demon, it's pretty well downhill from there." Phil nodded, patting him on the arm. "Darcy's making coffee." He looked at Stark. "I'm putting these two in your hands to help them figure out if they're training or college."
"Eww," Pietro complained.
"Or training."
"Maybe," he quipped. "What help is super speed during a battle?"
"A crapload more than you think, kid," Clint said. Stark nodded.
"We can talk about that later, when everyone's calmed down," Steve said. Bucky came out. "You okay?"
"I'm good. I could have helped," he said.
"They were invisible and after Thor," Xander said. "And demonic."
"Fine."
"Next time you can do that unless SHIELD stopped the plan from the guys on that bulletin board who want to invade."
Stark blinked. So did Coulson. "What bulletin board?" Natasha demanded.
"The one you showed me. I did a name search and they wanted Barton." She pulled that up to look, scowling at the display. "Now that I've made the pretty one mad, I'll escape before I have to pay for the bad mood." He waved and didn't disappear. He looked up. "Oh, really?" He disappeared. He stared at the witches glaring at him. "I could've let the demonic minister win and take out Thor." They groaned but shook their heads. "Thanks! Since you guys sent me there to handle it! And I don't have my wallet so I couldn't even find a way home!" He walked off. "Let me go hide from cranky women before I go permanently gay. Pietro seemed nice."
The witches huffed. They hated having to rely on Xander for things but sometimes he was the only option. Not like the Council had bag n'tag teams any longer.
***
Stark clapped his hands, making everyone flinch. "Okay. Let's get the mess cleaned up please, SHIELD Agents we don't trust." They nodded, getting the bodies together to be carted off. "Coulson, if the NYPD shows up?"
"I've already sent them off."
"Thank you. Can you..." He waved a hand at the mess. Coulson nodded. "Decent. Generals, let's go back to your talk." They did that. The one with Xander's gun handed it to Stark. "I wanted to see his speciality bullet." He took it to the lab to look at so he could destress. A few minutes later, Darcy brought him freshly baked cookies and a pot of coffee. "I'm not Jane," he joked.
She smiled. "Yeah, but science needs sugar and caffeine or else she whips you on some sort of weird S&M gear so you pay better attention and give her better blow jobs." She walked off. Stark grinned, shaking his head. It was a welcome end to a battle that wasn't alcoholic.
Steve opened the door at the knock, smiling and taking the plate of cookies and pot of coffee. "Thanks, Darcy," he said quietly.
"You need the cookies for the good job too." She walked off. "Natasha, I put on water for tea," she said since she was still looking at that bulletin board on the couch with Clint hovering. She got Clint cookies and coffee too, earning a smile from him. "SHIELD agent guys, I don't make ipod thieves coffee so you're on your own but there's a Starbucks up the street." She went to check on Jane but heard the breathy sounds of 'Thor knows what oral sex is'. She'd heard those a few times so she made dinner instead. It helped her calm down. About a half-hour later, SHIELD agents came in to gather the bodies and Coulson brought her the ipod he had stolen, making her smile. "Thanks. I missed her."
"I know. Thank you for the help, Miss Lewis."
"You're welcome." He walked off. She put her earbuds in and checked the charge. Still charged since it had been off. She rocked out to her music while baking. It was a better day now.
Clint and Natasha shared a look but smiled at the perky one's attitude. It was good she could bounce back without crying. They hated crying civilians. She showed Coulson that plot and let him handle it for now. They were tired and had to handle the remains of this attack. Demonic ministers taking down the Council was a bad thing. It'd definitely lead to more work for them.
***
Xander got called in front of a judge and showed up. "Yes, Your Honor?" he asked.
"Mr. Harris, are you above the law?"
"No. I'm rather outside the law as there's no laws about how to handle demonic emergencies or battles."
"The agents here..." he pointed.
Xander held up a hand. "They were fired again. They're not agents, Your Honor." The guy glared at him. He pointed behind him. "Their local head, sir." He got out of the way.
The Cleveland director of the FBI stomped in, sighing in displeasure. "No, neither of these agents have jobs, Your Honor. They weren't the ones we were forced to take back by judicial order until their trials. They were fired for endangering the US." He looked at him. "They have no right to act on behalf of any agency." The judge handed the bailiff the papers, letting him see it. The agent shook his head. "No, sir, totally illegal." He looked at them. "Though it will nicely put you back in jail." He looked back. "Harris, what were you doing that they objected to this time?"
"Beyond breathing?" he asked dryly. "One of that coven of demonic ministers attacked people I know to get Thor. A demonic poker contact paid off his debt by getting me there in time so he could make better bets about the outcome." The judge moaned, shaking his head. "The NYPD has his body, Your Honor. I'm not sure what they've done with it. We do know he hired a clan of demon warriors who were untried so cheap." He handed over that report from his bag. "As they were using me to make bets, I made them tell me why."
The judge took it from his bailiff to read over. The agents started to complain so the judge glared. "Shut up." He went back to reading. He grimaced, taking a tums from the roll on his desk. "All right, now what?"
"Now, I've got to check on some of the slayers, Your Honor," Xander said.
"You don't have to," the judge said.
"No one else can."
"There's others."
"Not ones who can get to the ones in the middle of nowhere, Your Honor. I trained them because I was the only one who could get into the middle of nowhere in Africa and Central America." The judge winced. "Beyond that, why are non agents telling me I can't travel?"
"I hadn't considered that. They said you hoard weapons?" Xander pulled out his wallet to hand over that laminated card. "Cute."
"The original is in the main house in the safe. Along with the letters of permission for the Council to hoard and use weapons on US soil to prevent another demonic attack."
"Why do you have one specially?"
"Because I'm the one that wins them at kitten poker and sometimes from lovers I've met over the years." The judge glared. He shrugged. "I don't demand they hit on me. I let whoever wants to flirt. They simply aren't always nice."
The judge held his head, taking another tums. "Why do you exist to vex people?"
"Because they're mad that girls have to save them," Xander said bluntly. "We've been doing it before religion was created and they're mad about it. That's not my fault or the slayers' fault. We just have to deal with it as it happens. We've offered a few times to let them do it themselves if they want to. We can gladly go on vacation somewhere like a beach for a few months while they handle things." The judge glared. Xander stared back. "I don't want to deal with petty psychological problems because they're butt hurt that girls save them. Or that they're mad that it's girls and not boys doing it."
"You're all demon tainted," one of the not agents sneered.
"Do you think slayers choose that? It was done to the first one before you guys got out of painting on caves. None of the slayers *choose* this life. There's no way they can have it removed from them. Yes, the original ones did use part of a demon to create the slayer gifts. Yay them. That's so far back it's not funny and now it's just a spirit that imbues the slayers when they come of age. As for mine, sure, let me go back to high school to stop myself from wondering why some of my classmates were turning black and slimy before eating other students. I'm sure they would've eventually still killed the swim coach and eaten him. Probably." He shrugged then looked at them again. "We do what we have to do so you have the time to whine. If you don't like it, get off your ass and go handle things. We'd all love a vacation. If you don't like what the slayer spirit once was, that's not our fault. We didn't make it. My family's not bloodline watchers. Very few of them are still in existence."
"You nearly ended the world," he sneered.
"No, I didn't."
"You raised Summers."
"Willow raised Buffy. I helped with a tiny corner of the rite because she told us Buffy was in hell."
"Where your kind belong," the other one sneered.
Xander smirked. "Come say that to my face since I've already been there. We walked into hell to fight the First Evil. Where were you? Hiding with your mistress wasn't it?" The man screamed and lunged at him. Xander tripped him into the bench seat while avoiding the hit. "No, I don't think so. I don't like that." He stood up straighter, staring down at him. "You want me out of the way, I can do that. I can easily make that wish and it'd make a lot of demons happy. Of course, you'd all be dead." The man sneered. "Hey, Bert?" The demon appeared. "I know you owe me one. Can you tell him what his wish means?"
The demon sighed. "He saved the slayer Buffy's life when she did not realize it. Faith would not have stopped the ascension. Perhaps the military would but they would still die by the three he stopped in Africa. Two before rising and one afterward. There were others who could have but they decided to wait until the Slayer's Knight was lost to humanity so his warping ways of encouraging and empowering the slayers was gone." He sneered. "We would all be dead, mortal. Even me who is immortal would be dead. Did you want that outcome?"
"Better dead than having a demon save us," he sneered.
"I can do that for you," Bert said with a smile.
"Not in my courtroom," the judge ordered.
"Of course not. He should have time to wish his family well since the patriarch's wish would take the whole family." The agent gasped, shaking his head. "Yes, even the innocent's soul. That is a standard contract clause. We only really remove it for those who ask for unselfish things, like saving their spouse or child from near death." He smiled. "Really, you probably would have died if Xander had not called in the vision about the ascension in DC last year." The agent in charge shuddered and sat down. He smiled. "You can pick your manner of death if you wish but a lot of demons would lose status and belongings if they couldn't bet on him. We'd have to work it out that a higher being brought him back to help."
"The Powers That Be would never go for it," Xander quipped. "They hate me more than this guy and the old line watchers do."
The demon smiled. "There are other higher beings in the universe and some of them find you amusing yet crude."
Xander nodded. "Not like I grew up with manners. My first word was beer and it went downhill from there." The demon patted him on the head. "Thanks, Bert."
"You're welcome, Knight. We do like betting on you. Especially when you escape death."
"The Powers need me in six years." He grinned.
"Oh, dear." He swallowed. "Like LA?"
"Like worse than LA. Already on the books."
Bert nodded. "I'll have someone copy it for us on the Demonic High Council. We rule the realms," he told the pitiful human. "That way there's no wars." The human slumped. He looked at the judge. "Did you need this one to continue or can he choose his own manner of the end of that wish?"
"Not in my courtroom and I'd rather he just decide it's a bad idea," he said with a glare at the former agent.
"It is. I'd never want my daughter harmed."
Bert stared at him then smiled. "We wouldn't take out a slayer. We're not that sort of demon. She'd be given to the Council when we take you." He smiled. "We are most amused by the slayers. When they're not battling they're quite fun to watch deal with things." He looked at Xander. "Another one has that same problem the one in Egypt had."
"I'd be in Malaysia right now but I had to be here. I sent Silvers."
"He's an idiot," Bert said.
"I know. She has an emergency switch." Bert looked up and shook his head. "Did the witches goof?"
"I'm not sure about anything."
"Bring me and I'll cancel the poker debt once we're back here safely." Bert took him and he took out the humans coldly and clinically. The watcher he had sent was already dead. He gathered her up and got her stuff sent thanks to calling Willow. Bert brought them back to the courtroom. "Get her an ambulance please," he said quietly but firmly. The bailiff called. Xander put up his guns and cuddled her. "Hey, Bethie, come out for me. It's Xander and you're safe," he said quietly, petting her hair. She sniffled, looking at him. "If your switch didn't work I'm going to end a witch." She shook her head. "No it didn't work or no you couldn't use it?" The bailiff handed her some water. "Thanks. Here, sip."
"Didn't work," she said, holding onto his wrist. "They heard about us from the coven. The imams said so."
"Fuck them then." She went limp and sipped her water. Ambulance guys walked in and paused, wincing. "I just rescued her from the house in Malaysia. There was a gang sent by an imam." They nodded. "Gently, guys." They helped him lift her up onto the gurney. "Let me call Faith." She gripped him. He looked at the judge. "Sorry, my duty calls. You can bitch me out later." He grabbed his bag, left the glass there, and went with her. On the way he called Giles.
"It's me and you had better find the witch that depowered the emergency beacons before I do. Because I will make witch stew. I just had to evacuate Bethie from Malaysia and the group of assholes standing over her trying to kill her. Her switch didn't work. She also was told the coven told an imam who she was." He listened to the choking. "You deal with it or I'll deal with it. I don't really like having to shoot humans but I'll be damned when the ones there just died." He hung up. "Okay, Giles is mad. He'll send Faith down to help me." She nodded, holding his hand and staring at him.
"Ma'am," the paramedic said. "I have to ask the bad question." She started to cry and curl up. Xander nodded it was likely so he put that down. "How long?"
"I don't know. A demon contact told me and helped me get to her and back here. I release Bert's owed poker debt," he announced. "For helping myself and the slayer Beth." A tiny bell rang and he got a text message that said 'thank you'. They pulled into the hospital and the nurse gasped, staring at him. "Hey, Sis. This is Beth. She was in Malaysia. There was an imam who was mad about slayers." She nodded, going with them.
"Beth, this is Sissy. She's Dreama's older sister. If I can't be right there while you're in here, she will be. That way they can do the exam without me having to see you naked." She nodded, looking at the nurses. Xander got pointed outside and he stepped out, leaning against a wall. One of the janitors looked over, looking scared. "It's all right," he said quietly in a trade tongue. "She was on rotation where there were imams. I already handled it." The half demon nodded and went back to cleaning. Faith rushed in with Buffy. "Buffy, go help Giles destroy some witches."
"He took Willow. Is she okay? Oh, good you found Sissy." She walked in. "Hey, Beth. Me and Faith are both here to help. Do we need to call anyone to pick up anything personal?" She sniffled but shook her head and pointed at Xander. She looked out there. "You packed?"
"Bert packed. Willow picked it up."
"Thank god for Bert," Buffy said. "I release Bert from his poker debt to me for helping the slayer Beth." She got the same text message from him. She and Faith held her hands through the exam then they let Xander back in to help her calm down. They understood why Beth was paranoid and wanted someone who could protect her. The security team was alerted they had a slayer being admitted and made sure someone was up by her room so she was guarded. They got her moved upstairs and put on antibiotics, then got her a counselor to talk to. The girls helped all they could and Xander gave excellent hugs.
***
An agent walked in after knocking. They had waited two days for her to heal up enough to talk. "Slayer Beth, I'm Agent Willson with the State Department. Can we talk about what happened?"
She sipped her water and nodded. "I guess."
He pulled a chair over, noticing Xander was sleeping in the other one by the window. He looked at her. "We've heard a few problems were related to your rescue and we need a report on what happened. Would you know how your attack in Malaysia is related to the new hole in Devon, England?"
"We have emergency beacons that can remove us from things that are horrible," she said quietly. "The coven makes them for us." She swallowed more water and put the glass aside. "Mine didn't work." He winced. "One of them also bragged that the coven had told them who I was and where. One of the radical imams came after me with a group of men. I lost count how many." He nodded, making that note. "Apparently a poker contact of Xander's told him and he came to save my life with that contact. Then they brought me back here, wherever Xander had been. He got an ambulance while I was in shock and he handled things when I needed him to. He handled them too. I remember hearing gunshots."
"I don't think anyone would mind him taking those sort out, Slayer Beth. If their government minds I'm fairly certain we'll have words." She nodded, curling up some. "Who went to talk to the coven?"
"Xander called Giles in the ambulance. I remember hearing him talk to him about it. Buffy said he took Willow. She's got...issues."
"I'll ask her then. Do we need to clear anything out?"
"Xander said Bert packed for me. I'll give him a hug when I get out of here for that. It's sweet of him to save what was left of my things. I'm hoping my mom's picture was one but I have most of them in my box in the safe at the Council house."
"I hope he did too." He stood up. "Let me file this and we'll see what we can do about shaming them at the very least. Were they part of a radical organization?"
"No, he was just outspoken and said all women were no better than goats and should be treated like them. Me fighting evil meant I was stepping out of the ordained role he thought I had."
"Hmm. I've heard a few had that viewpoint." Xander blinked at him. "I'm doing the report for the state department, Mr. Harris. I'm not a threat."
"I would've woken up if you were." The agent nodded and left. "Beth, you okay?"
"I'm okay. He was nice." Xander smiled. She curled up on her side and went back to resting. She needed to rest to heal. And to eat the meal Faith was bringing her later since hospital food was so gross.
***
Willow came out to the gate, staring at the same state department agent. "Some of the coven decided there were too many slayers and they had to be thinned down. When I pointed out what happened they were horrified but not that much. Pity."
"England would like a full report, Miss Rosenburg. Including on any others they've done that to."
"They keep stranding Xander after sending him to handle big things. Like the attack at Stark tower the other day by that demonic minister." She grimaced. "I don't like that Xander's turned that cold but I guess it's for a good reason." She stared at him. "I'll type it up if you'll give me your email." He handed over his card and left. She went inside to do that. "The state department is wondering why I created a hole," she said to Giles when she ran into him. "I said I'd email a report. He said to include any others they've messed up. Do you have that list?"
"On my desk. I'll get it for you." He walked off and handed it over. "Let me know if I need to do one." She shook her head, settling in at the breakfast bar to type it on her laptop while Andrew fed her coffee cake.
***
Stark heard and growled. "I'll be damned," he muttered, stomping around. He ran into Romanoff, who he had wanted to see. He handed her the report. She growled, staring up at him. "I'm told there's a huge hole in Devon, England."
"I've heard rumors that Xander had to kill a few people in Malaysia." She took the report to look up the other ones. "Twenty-two men." Stark moaned, shaking his head but drinking his coffee to keep from gagging. "She's still in the hospital. Two other slayers have died thanks to not being evacuated. I think someone rightly made the hole."
"Him?"
"No. The reports in England say it was a magical battle. I'd guess Rosenburg."
"Huh." He walked off still growling. He ran into Bucky and waved a hand. "Not you. Someone attacked the slayers." Bucky nodded, going back to his trip to the gym with Steve.
Natasha passed on those reports to SHIELD so they could be aware the area was now uncovered. It meant there was sure to be a demonic problem soon.
***
Phil Coulson walked up to Xander where he was in the park on patrol with two of the junior slayers. "Ladies." They stared at him. "I wanted to talk to Xander."
"We'll gladly call off patrol," one said quickly with a smile and a nod.
Xander snorted. "Agent Coulson can go with us, ladies. It's only another hour and a bit." They huffed but kept going. Phil nodded and went with them, even staking a fledge when they were attacked by vampires who wanted to steal the slayers' clothes. It was some local fledge prank, which is why Xander was there. They ended that and the remaining vampires who wanted to play that way. Xander let the girls go home in a cab, paying for it even. He turned to look at Phil. "Am I in trouble for Malaysia?"
"No. The government said it was the only way to save her from that horrible fate."
"If I had heard sooner I could've saved her from it."
"They were going to kill her during the attack and burn her in the house, Xander."
"Not the first ones I've seen with that bad idea," he said quietly. He nodded and walked off. Phil walked with him. "If I'm not in trouble, what's up?"
"Most agents would have reacted."
"I got really angry," Xander said. "Which probably isn't healthy but it's what I have."
"You could use a break."
Xander looked at him. "You know that won't happen. There's no one else."
"Let me put three agents with the girls overseas. A lot of governments want the girls to report to them, not just your people." Xander nodded he knew that. "This way they can't put in agents who would interrupt the girls. SHIELD knows how important slayers are and even Nick Fury wants us to go guard them."
Xander grimaced but considered it. "A lot of your people aren't really able to handle this stuff."
"I have a number who'd like it more than regular assignments. Including ones that would fit in with the ones in Africa. You need to make a response team anyway before something tragic happens and you have a heart attack or a stroke from the stress." Xander smiled a tiny smile. "That's nothing to be fond of."
"The Powers would love me to die that way. Otherwise I might become mythical."
"You already are to agents, Xander. I have trainee agents who have asked how you learned your stuff and could we teach them some." Xander smiled, ducking his head. "You're their Jason."
"I'm hoping the Greek one?"
"Yes. You'd look horrible in the hockey mask." Xander laughed but nodded. "Let me, personally, pick agents to go help take some of your load off. We can sit them near the girls so they can get to know them and teach them how to properly work with them. That'll ease some of the strain that the other governments are putting on all of you."
"It'll take more than six."
"I know there's nineteen houses at the moment." Xander stared at him. "Bolivia was shut down by order of the church sending people but the girls heard and moved. Then they had the church eaten by bugs. Not demonic bugs but regular bugs. The diocese down there chided them and ended that church but the girls are in talks about how it would not happen again or those same priests could defeat demon attacks themselves."
"That's my feeling too. You're sure Malaysia isn't mad?"
"No. Two African countries are mad at you and you're lucky they haven't gotten you yet." Xander nodded at that. "Did they?"
"Yeah and I asked a poker debt to destroy the building so I could walk off." Phil sighed and shook his head. "I can see the point but we want to meet and vet all the agents."
"I can agree with that." He put a hand on Xander's arm, stopping them both. "Do you need to talk?"
"No. Right now...I kinda need to find life. I seem to be missing life. When I first went, I enjoyed the village celebrations and all that."
"You've been in too many battles." Xander nodded that was true. "You need to break before you snap."
"I'd never snap on the girls. On demons or on officials maybe but not the girls."
"I know. You know. Still, you need time off." Xander nodded. "One with a plan so you don't just wander aimlessly and fall into a depression you won't come out of."
"I went past that point years ago. An officer actually came in to talk to me when I was nearly catatonic with a gun in hand." He shrugged. "I told him why and he agreed it was a shitty job but someone had to do it and it was a bad thing that no one else would."
"Some would if you'd let them."
"We're not sure we can trust them and I'm not willing to take a chance on the girls' lives."
"I wouldn't either. That's why I'm picking agents." Xander nodded, taking him back to the main house. He nodded at the girls running past them. "Is Mr. Giles in?"
"He's got a source of nookie in," one of the girls quipped. "We're going to watch tv if you want to wait." The guys nodded, settling in with them. Xander got used as a pillow by the girls, and a cat someone had adopted.
Coulson relaxed and made mental arguments for which agents he wanted to include. They were all good, steady choices and he could switch them out later. When Giles walked his girlfriend for the night out, Xander and Coulson both got up and followed him to the kitchen. "Mr. Giles, I'm Agent Coulson with SHIELD."
"Has there been a problem?"
"No. There's been a solution noted that would take some pressure off you and the girls from foreign postings." Giles sat down and let him explain his idea and how he'd personally pick the agents. He had worked with Xander and a few of the slayers in the field. One of them was called and Giles listened to her about him. He called the director at home to talk to him and he agreed it was needed but did they have time to do the specialty training with the agents? Xander said he could go over most of it in about three weeks. That was liked by everyone. Phil set out his list of names. Fury agreed with all but one and tried to substitute but Phil pointed out he had aggression problems and no one needed that near the girls. Especially after the attack on Beth. Fury gave in and agreed it'd work and to report back to base the next day with Harris. Xander looked at Giles, who nodded. He packed up and went back with Phil. They even gave him a room on base.
***
Buffy came down the next morning, still yawning. "Where's Xander, Andrew? We need to pick up Beth today."
"SHIELD is setting agents near the girls in other houses so they're safe and they can filter reports to the locals so no one has to nag Giles."
"That's handy. I know we were worried they wouldn't do it our way and they'd be bad to the girls."
"Agent Coulson came up with the name list. He's worked with Xander and with Amanda. Giles called her in front of him to check on him." Buffy grinned. "So Xander's going to be training those agents. Maybe they can back the girls up for bigger battles too."
"Maybe. At the very least they could evacuate the girls who need it." He nodded. "I guess Giles can help me pick up Bethie."
"I can, Buffy. I do drive." She smiled. "I do it better than you do too." She swatted him but took her breakfast to go talk to Giles about that idea.
***
Xander looked at the agents in the gym the next morning. "I'm going to start off being real blunt because this is the accelerated course. How many of you have killed someone?" Most everyone raised a hand. "Good. Welcome to how to back up a slayer lessons." They all stared at him then a few looked at the watching senior agents. They got nodded at. "Agent Coulson picked you guys." He nodded at the few females. He looked at the guys again. "Right now, most of the slayers are pretty jumpy. Some of the coven turned on them. We had one slayer in Malaysia gang raped by an imam and his people. We had two killed in other houses for daring to be female and able to fight.
"We had the Catholic church in Bolivia destroy a house because the priests were mad at us. People hate the ones who save their butts and part of your job is to make sure they don't take out the girls next time. If another situation like Malaysia happens, I'm trusting you with my slayers that I can't get to right then. I realize I'm mortal but damned if I haven't had to save some from others. You're also there to back up the slayers. Plus to make the pretty reports to the locals so they leave me and Giles alone with the rest of our jobs. I will be popping in on the girls now and then randomly to check on them. Any questions so far?"
One of the women raised her hand. "Is that slayer all right?"
"Thanks to a poker contact, I got her to the ER before they killed her. She's not all right but she's healing." The woman nodded. "I won't say it's unlikely to happen again. There's a reason why the problematic demons gather in the rougher areas of the world. The one in Brazil changes every six months because they need to." He looked around again. "You will learn how we do things. If you do things like kill all the demons, that looks bad on us and on SHIELD. I would expect the slayers to smack you around if you do that." A few smiled.
"I made sure all the slayers got to grow up and be as sassy as they wanted. Even the quiet and shy little one from lower India is. I saw her whap another girl on the head with a brick for making dirty jokes." A few more smiled. "There's four basic weapons. I'm pretty sure you all know how to use guns and probably have some skill with knives. That will transform into staking and crossbows. Plus swords." He grinned. "Swords are very handy at times." A few sighed. "Other than that, there's classifications and there's talking about things like the poker circuit and how you tell the peaceful areas from the ones that are about to break out in civil rights moments like the one in Rome is trying to do. Any new questions?" Nothing.
Phil walked down, looking at them. "I picked you personally for your skills, your attitudes, and your ability to go with something weird going on. You will make both groups look good or you will not be coming back as an agent." They all nodded. "Good. Xander, let's start with a staking one? He's still in the closet."
"Sure." He pulled out a stake. "Standard wood. Don't use plywood but just any sort of hard wood works." Phil opened the closet and the vampire rushed out in game face. "See, vampire. Faster, stronger than humans," he said as he fought. Then he staked it. "No more vampire." He looked at them. A few were blinking. One was wiping ash off his face. "It's nasty and sometimes you end up choking on the ash," he told that one. "Buffy had it infect her latte one night on patrol. Totally pissed her off." That agent smiled a tiny bit.
"Vampires are from three to ten times stronger and faster than the average human. There's seventeen types of vampires. Fifteen die by beheading. Six by staking. Three by silver, and there's a weird crossbreed that you'll only run into in Siberia that's coming up. A few die by dead blood. Some you have to stake and behead. Yes, Dracula is actually a real vampire and he can change shape but only two species of them can. He showed up in Sunnydale to test himself against Buffy. I ended up eating bugs and Giles nearly got licked to death by his other wives," he said dryly.
"Spike insisted that he owed him money from a poker game. Thankfully he left a whole bunch of froufy furniture we could sell." He walked over to lift up the copies of the classification manual. "You guys each need one." They came up to get one and a stake from the bucket near them. "Stake making isn't hard but you need to make sure you get a good tip. Shoving a blunt tip is like trying to insert a helicarrier into a donkey's ass to quote one of the junior slayers teaching the minis that lesson. Which got her grounded for that analogy." More smiled. "I'm sure you all know how to sharpen things, right?" They all nodded. "Good. Then we've got a target over here for staking work. It's precision work. The heart's not that big a target." They went over to try it. A few grimaced at the bulkiness of the stake but they understood why they used them. Swords were going to be the real problem for most of the agents. Though most of them had bad crossbow aiming skills. They'd be practicing.
***
Stark looked up as Xander Harris walked past his seat and into the lab with his father's AI. "More HYDRA?" he called, following him.
Xander turned the monitor so he could definitely see him. "If you *EVER* do something to endanger my girls, any one little thing, I will donate you to a preschool after taking out your memory modules. Am I clear?" he demanded. "Even Willow caught your little fit with the whatever-they're-calling-themselves. It nearly got three of my slayers dead and if you were alive I'd be fixing that for you. We dealt with your last set of plans but not this time and never again."
"Calm down, Xander. You know I didn't mean to."
"I don't give a goddess fucking a donkey damn!" he said hotly, staring at him. "You nearly got my slayers killed by being one of the powering bad guys. If you *EVER* do it again, this version of you will live to regret it and I will find something that can eat your afterlife to torture your ass. Am I clear?" he demanded.
"I won't go near the slayers," Howard said calmly.
"Good," Xander growled, eye starting to glow. "I don't care if you think you're the next emperor of America. I don't give a damn if you're doing it to give power to your son. At least I know he wouldn't *intentionally* get one of my slayers harmed. You... Clearly you either forgot some things or you never learned them in the first place but you do *not* come near the people that're saving your ass that way. Or else we let you do it. I'm pretty sure your son can build you a robotic body if you're that hot."
"No, I'm...I did not mean to get near the girls, Xander."
"Bullshit," he shot back. "Your little 'tip' thing got them attacked and I'll. Be. Damned," he growled. "You'd better be lucky you're virtual instead of physical." Howard nodded, his image growing smaller. "It had better not happen again." He turned and found Tony Stark staring at him oddly. "He's trying to consolidate power behind a few old cronies and it's just gotten the local slayers nearly killed."
"I'd kill him myself for that. Are they okay?"
"No. One got shot. She's still in surgery after eight goddamn hours." Tony winced. "I just now heard about how it got started from a gang kid I knew when I was in LA. The higher ups he went to paid one of them. Oh, and that General Ross guy? Don't worry about him either. He's already on this shit list and I've got a nice missile I can launch up his ass the next time I find him." He walked around Stark. "Leash your dad or donate him to a kindergarten, Stark, but don't let him come near the girls again."
"No, he won't be," Tony said, staring at his father. "Ever. JARVIS, take away his 'net access." He walked off, turning off the lights. "I'll talk to him when I'm not just as mad." He walked into the communal living room, staring at Steve, who was wincing. "Xander told you dad got three slayers harmed?"
"Yeah. I heard him mention General Ross too."
"If he can fire up his ass, good," Stark said. "I don't want the guy after Bruce to keep going."
"Will the higher ups let that happen?" Steve asked quietly.
"Do you think they'll stop him if he's protecting the slayers?" Bruce asked as he came in. "I heard my evil arch nemesis mentioned. Is he going after the slayers?"
"JARVIS, what's he doing?"
"He filed a lawsuit to get DNA from the slayers for scientific enquiry into their tragic condition so they can cure them, sir. The judge has already denied it by stating what's known about the slayer spirit and it has nothing to do with DNA. There was a feint on the main house last night but the two agents doing it were eaten by the hellhound they have there. Two of the youngest slayers were seen cooing at it for the eating by news crews who lurk near there. They pointed out the remains and they found out they were agents and then another demon showed up to give the girls flowers and told the news crews why they had been eaten."
"Oh, shit," Bruce said, blinking at Tony. Tony nearly winced. Bruce didn't tend to swear. Ever. Even Steve started to give Bruce worried looks. "Can they be stopped, JARVIS?"
"Yes, I believe they were. I also believe the talking heads from Washington, DC have said that if the slayers have to protect themselves that way, so be it. It was on the news earlier but has been supplanted by the story about the local house of slayers being shot at by former agents in the employ of a few wanna-be power players."
"Great," Tony said. "Pull those up so I can see what Dad's done and find all the other little things so I can donate him to a kindergarten."
"He might warp the kids," Bruce said dryly.
Tony grimaced. "Too true. Well, MIT has his original machines." He sent his mentor up there a text message once he read over his father's recent workings. That way they could limit him off the internet too.
By dinner that night, there was an attempted assault on the hospital holding the slayers and they got blown up by Xander using artillery. The NYPD was horrified but agreed it was necessary but a bit messy. The agents had biological agents on them that could have harmed thousands of people if they had released them inside the hospital. That group of protesting agents got named terrorists by seven that night and Xander was being called a hero, just a very angry one. News people weren't even trying to talk to him, just watching him from a distance. No one was brave enough to get near him. Especially after they saw him talk to a nurse then punch a wall hard enough to crack it. She patted him on the shoulder and Xander sighed, stomping off looking like he wanted to cry.
***
Tony showed up at the viewing, patting Xander on the shoulder. "You okay?" he asked quietly.
"I'm going to finish killing them."
"Let the rest of us help. Some of us would like to see them staining the rugs." Xander looked up at him. "I would. So would Romanoff. She's in an epic snit, for her." He nodded back at her then went up to pay his respects. Most of the team came in to do the same thing. They only got the edge of the sort of hell the girls got but it was going to stop one way or another. The other slayers were there in limited number but the viewing was being held up here for her friends and then she'd be moved to Cleveland to be buried among her fallen sisters.
A few demons came in to pay their respects and one patted Xander on the arm, getting patted on the flipper back. The politicians hadn't descended but they had made statements about 'it needed to stop'. Maybe it'd get through to those idiots. NYPD was still there guarding the funeral home, just in case. The two other local slayers were among their sisters, one having an arm in a sling. The other looked like she had been smacked into by a wall with the bruises and the way she was moving. Tony had no idea why this one had died, the one with the arm sling had been the one who had been shot. Hopefully it wasn't intentionally killing her in the hospital. The city couldn't afford to lose a hospital. The others slowly left and the slayers moved to honor guard the body to the hearse for the ride to the airport. All the slayers and Xander went with them. Steve saluted them as they left. So did Clint.
They were going to make this stop one way or another.
Though it was strange no one had seen Coulson there.
***
Bucky looked up as the others came out of the elevator. "That agent guy that you guys worked with is on tv. He just arrested six people, all higher ups and two politicians, for the death of that girl."
Steve flopped down, watching the news. "Good. Hopefully that's all of them."
"No. There's still the rest of the coven of demonic ministers," Natasha said. "They've been slinging mud since the attack."
"Since before it," Tony corrected. "Three hours before it one of them said that it was a good idea if all the girls died." He sat down, loosening his tie. "He get them all?"
"Probably not," Steve said. "Thinking like that is more insidious than HYDRA in some ways." They watched as the arrests kept going. A press person actually got near Coulson to ask questions but he gave her a very pointed look and said that people who harmed the US's defense net got arrested as terrorists, even if it was the slayers. Not like the Avengers handled demonic battles. She gasped so he moved around her with the person he was hauling off. Steve smiled down at Tony, who smirked back. "No, we don't," Steve agreed.
"Only if they ask or need the help during large battles," Bruce said. The guys all nodded. Natasha fully smiled at them for it. One local news station had covered the viewing and caught them sending her off to the airport. The pictures of them saluting the body had been spread to cable news stations. Even FOX news was honoring her, that was a switch but nice.
***
Clint stepped into the room with the agents training to help the slayers, nodding at them. "Guys, let's go over some work so you can help make sure it doesn't happen again."
"Is Mr. Harris taking a few days?" one asked. "We know he was really upset."
"All the girls are like sisters to him. I have no idea but I'll be working on you bow and crossbow work." They nodded, gathering those things and going with him to make sure they were good enough. Then they went to hand-to-hand practice with Steve. He had sparred with a few of the girls so he could make sure they were good enough. That only left the classification work and they were self-studying until either Coulson or Xander got back. When they both appeared a few days later, they started asking the better questions about what they had learned. Xander relaxed slowly but let it soothe him. Coulson helped where he could and made sure they had what they'd need to go help the slayers.
Fury walked in, nodding at Coulson since Xander was answering questions about demon types. "There's been a request for him to teach other agents," he said.
"I've heard and asked him. He said he's not sure. He hopes they wouldn't turn into kill them all sorts but he doesn't want to make them that way."
"I don't think they will be. Can he run another section?"
"Probably. I'll talk to him at lunch." Fury nodded and left. Xander was staring at him. "About the other agents that'd like to learn enough to help here in the US."
"Do they have ethics?"
"I'd hope so."
Xander shrugged. "I'll talk to Giles about it." Coulson nodded, letting him get back to the lecture.
***
Xander went to the meeting with the agents who had asked to be trained, shrugging when they all stared at him. "Giles had a point. Not a great point but a small point." He stood in front of them. "It might be better if you did something like battle training since most of you can only work in the US as legal agents." That got a few interested looks. "For battles, we appreciate the help. A lot." Most of them smiled. "That would be a lot harder training, though you'd still have to do the classification stuff." He tossed down a book. "That way you can identify what's harmful and what's not. The peaceful demon community asked that we share that." A few nodded.
"There's a definite need for battle teams and people who can handle things when we don't get there first. I'm not the only seer the Council knows about but I only get huge things and most of them get things related to them or their lives. Most of what I see are or will lead up to apocalypse level battles." Everyone nodded. "Also, that could help the next time the Avengers have one too. The NYPD had no idea how to handle an alien invasion. Which, I fully understand, but now we've got to deal with the reality we have."
"Battle training would more easily come from military sources."
"We in the Council, especially the top team that came from Sunnydale, don't really trust the military fully. See, there had been a special ops project running under Sunnydale we had to stop." He saw the grimaces. "They were torturing demons like the guys Steve Rogers stopped in Germany. The army is not real pleased with us to this day for stopping their unit and the original person's Frakenstein soldier." One agent slumped, staring at him. "Yeah, just one of the wacky they were doing." That one shook his head.
"If *you guys* want to go to a military source to learn how to handle that, and I'd suggest sword work as well, or axes are practical at times but not in every situation, then that'd be a great thing and the girls would really appreciate the battle backup. It'd probably also mean that they could quit forcing the agents in Cleveland to be the guys that have superior battle burn out. Every single agent in Cleveland got replaced with hard core former military guys and they all seem to have PTSD. I had one see me and have a flashback the other day in the coffee shop. I had to help him calm it back down when he was coming out. I'm pretty sure those agents would like to go places that were calmer and more sane."
"We would," one agreed. "And most of us do have it. Thanks for that, Harris. He said to tell you if we saw you."
Xander grinned. "Been there, had a slayer have to pin me down in a marketplace." That one nodded. He looked at the rest of the group. "Giles would agree with this version easier. Hell, he's said before whoever jumps in is welcome, even if they're evil."
"What practical skills do we need?" one asked.
"Stamina. Sword work for beheading."
"Machetes?" one of the agents asked, raising his hand slightly.
"The girls in Africa use them but that's one of those trade-off situations. They're lighter, but they're shorter. For long battles it'd be nice to have something lighter than a sword, but they also break easier and don't come in nifty silver or partially silver editions. That silver can be important at times. Me personally for battles if I have the time to choose, I carry one, a sword, and half the time my special axe on my back for the bigger, tougher things. I love the sword's reach for a lot of issues but they're even heavy for me and I used to work construction plus I get at least two days of practice with my blades a week. Even if it's just sword and axe katas."
"Can someone make mixed metal machetes?" another asked.
Xander shrugged. "It might make them weaker."
"Is silver a common need?"
"Yup. About a tenth of all species are killed by silver." That got a mass grimace. "At least you guys don't need to know more than the basics of the seventeen species of vampires, six that have very specific methods of killing and two that beheading won't work on." He grinned. The one from Cleveland looked down and shook his head. "Yeah, the one they took the flamethrower to? It was the only way they could think of to kill it quickly. Still came back in the cemetery while they were trying to bury it. That's a stake with an old blood soaked stake then behead kind. It's also an energy vamp instead of a blood vamp so that's why blood kills it." That same agent moaned. Xander grinned. "I told Giles to go over the different species of vamps with the girls again. Though it was good problem solving."
That agent held up a hand. "I'll gladly take battle lessons." Xander grinned. "Thanks, Harris."
"Welcome. If you guys need ideas, ask us. Even most of the girls will give you ideas if you're respectful and ask questions." He left, going back to SHIELD to deal with his trainees, who were doing an excellent job. Today he'd video call some of the houses to introduce them to their future helpers so they could get used to the more area-specific needs. Phil and he agreed about where most needed to go but two he wanted in other areas and Xander thought they'd do better in the ones he selected, even if they didn't know the local language yet.
The agents shared a look. One took the book to a copy center. The rest reported to their bosses about the ideas Harris had given them. The classification manual got well spread by that night. Every agency had at least two copies and were studying it in case of problems. They were going to name people to handle demon issues. The directors had decided that over a lunch meeting with a lot of beer to handle the upset stomachs.
***
Xander looked at Phil that night. "I'm making myself obsolete."
"You are not. You're overseeing all the agents," he reminded him. "You're giving yourself minions."
Xander grinned. "Thanks."
"Welcome." He handed him a beer. Xander considered it then drank some. "Are you heading out on vacation?"
"I have no idea where I'd go."
"No fantasy trip you'd like to take?"
"No, not since I was a kid. Kids like me don't have impractical fantasies." He took a drink and relaxed back against the wall on the roof they were next to. "I used to want to go to Disney but I paused one day to go to the one in France. They nearly panicked. It took me an hour to reassure them I wasn't there to hunt something and the people inside gave me scared looks too. I left before they asked me to leave."
Phil patted him on the arm. "It's good that they knew you were there to handle things to keep them safe but that does suck." Xander nodded, taking another drink. "What about something like a beach?"
"I used to like the beach and then I got mermaid taint. Now I get all itchy and feening when I have to get into larger bodies of water. I'm almost scared to get into an ocean based on what happened when I fell into a lake." He took another drink and put the beer bottle beside him. He looked at Phil. "I had to shake a bad idea from Willow. She wanted us to quit showing up to talk to new parents of spotted potentials and just send 'hi, your daughter's a future slayer' letters."
Phil grimaced. "That would be a very bad idea."
"Yes it was. Buffy made her go take a nap." Phil smiled. "I don't know anymore. Willow is almost like Buffy when we first pulled her out of heaven. Buffy's still got that soul deep tiredness from her soul wanting to go back. I'm exhausted anymore. Giles is getting older and is exhausted. The scary thing is the next in line for the throne is a dick."
"We can help Mr. Giles clarify that, Xander."
"Thanks. If I go, or we all go, protect Andrew?"
"I can do that. Though I'd expect him to take out all the opposition and take over." Xander nodded quickly, finishing his beer in one large gulp. Phil let his mind worry about the succession line at the Council while he thought about more pleasant things. "What about Hawaii?"
"Slayers aren't allowed on the island by order of the last three governors," Xander said dryly. "They made Giles sell the Council vacation home there. They made it an act of their state congress that we were not to be there unless there was some sort of demonic problem." He rolled his head to look at Phil. "They're a tiny bit paranoid it'd run away the tourists and ruin the crops."
"I can see that point." He patted Xander again. "You should rest tonight."
"I probably will." He felt the vision coming and winced, holding his head. "I hate that liquor lubes that too," he muttered. Phil shifted to rub over his arm. Xander sighed and lifted his head up. "I just saw an ex boyfriend decide to kill me because I said hi as we passed in a restaurant while he was making a deal. Even though the other guy had invited me." He leaned his head back against that half-wall with a thump. "Great."
"We can stop that," Phil promised. "We'd like to stop many of your dates, Xander." Xander turned his head to grin at him. "We'll stop that one for you." Xander nodded. "Which ex?"
"William."
"I can definitely do that." He sent a text message to Maria about the vision. She sent back they'd move a surveillance team into place immediately. Then another text telling him to come in, it was going to start raining soon. "It's nice I get friends who nag as well." He put his phone up. Xander smiled at him. "The girls are getting better."
"Because I've been walking off and threatened to abandon them. Someone told Buffy about Libya."
"They know you'd never really abandon them, Xander." He nodded he knew that too and relaxed again. "A few more days and you can go on vacation."
"Still have no idea where I'm going." He frowned for a minute. "Or if I'm allowed. Those no longer an agent people tried to have my travel restricted."
"The judge told them they were far out of line and had no cause to file so he threw it out."
"What about their paranoid higher ups?"
"Probably not going to step in. It looks bad politically."
"I'm glad I never got those ideas." He sighed at the sunset. "That's pretty."
Phil smiled. "It is rather pretty tonight." They relaxed and Phil let Xander finish his beer for him. This was how things were supposed to be in their lives. Now all they had to do was manage it more often than the rare red blood moon. And keep Howard Stark from making more plans for his son's future empire.
The End.
A. I. (Alternate Interests)