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When they all got back to Avengers tower a week later, Bucky dragged Xander off the first elevator, plopping him into a stand-alone chair. He grinned at Darcy. "Either of the dynamic duo of assassins here?"

"Natasha, visitors," she called. "She's got a date thing she said." She grinned at Xander, who smirked back. "Were you naughty?"

"All I did was dance with the hot guy at the club."

Bucky stared at him. "Who is a world famous assassin."

"I know. I had his help when I had to steal something from that demon." Bucky groaned.

Steve came off the elevator with Suzette riding his back. Darcy jumped up. "What happened?"

"She fell off some play equipment." He put her down so Darcy could hug her.

"You poor thing. Did you get hurt?"

"Just broken," she said with a pout. "We got to see fire dancers. And the group that wanted to sacrifice Uncle Bucky to a volcano god because they thought he was a pure maiden and they wanted Uncle Xander to themselves." Bucky moaned, shaking his head. Xander patted him on the arm, getting swatted for it. Xander swatted back. "Break it up, you two, before I have to bounce on both of you with the cast." She grinned at her favorite aunt. "It's okay. They're being playful like puppies." She grinned at her dad then at her. "Are there cookies?"

"There's cookies, and a cake for later."

"Sweet!" she cooed, cuddling her auntie. "Let's go get cookies. Daddy yelled at me for trying to walk on my cast."

"You have crutches," Steve said, handing them over. She took them and hopped in there. Darcy stared at him. "It was the only thing keeping her off that foot."

"She's a kid, they should be playing." She went in there to help her steal cookies, getting Xander a few too. Bucky took them and the ones she tried to hand to Xander after that plate. "He can have some."

"No he can't. He's been bad. He's grounded."

Darcy snorted. "I'm the maker of the cookies and I said he could have some." She took the second batch back to hand back to Xander. "You nibble. Your hotty dance partner can't be any worse than my last date." She walked off.

Bucky stared at Xander. "Don't you dare bounce."

"Bite me," he said in Latin then ate one. "Darcy, you do this as good as Andrew does," he called. "Thank you."

"Welcome."

Clint walked out with a towel around his damp neck, shirtless, hair still dripping some and messed up. "What's up, guys? Hawaii get too hot?" Bucky handed over the sheets. "I thought she took him out."

"She put him in jail," Bucky complained. "Someone needs to take him out before he decides he owns Xander." Xander ate another cookie, staring at him. "He could."

"He won't. He's not into me topping." He ate another cookie. "You're awfully paranoid about who I date."

"Do the girls like you dating people like this?"

"They expect it," Xander said. "Not like sweet, kind, gentle people like me."

Darcy and Suzette came out with her glass of milk, Darcy setting it down where Suzette wanted to sit. She hugged Xander. "I like you but I'm a bit snarky and can be mean when necessary." She looked at the sheet. "Oh, hey, it is my last douchebag date. He nearly lost his gropey hand when I nearly tased him." She grinned at Clint, pointing at the kid. "Shouldn't you be not fully naked?"

He looked down then at her. "I'm wearing pants, Darcy."

"Why do boys have nipples if they can't feed babies?" Suzette asked. "And do men call theirs breasts too?"

Clint looked at her, grinning some. "You little smartass. What happened?"

"I tripped and fell. The ground was too hard, I should've bounced. Hawaii's supposed to be like a water bed, right?"

"Sorry, the island's solid stone from the volcanos, it's the water around it," Xander said, then finished his first cookie. "Bucky got very peeved that I was sexy dancing with a guy at the club."

Clint looked at him again. "I'd be very upset if that guy got here. Darcy, where did you meet him?"

"Coffee shop. That was the last guy I went out with and I came home pouting because I nearly ripped his hand off."

"Okay." Natasha came out damp from her shower, taking the sheets to read. She growled. "He's tried to date both Xander and Darcy."

"Should he come back, there won't be another attempt at dating." She looked at Xander. "Has no one staged an intervention on your dating life?"

"I only date people who like me, Natasha. They're the ones who like me."

Bucky nodded. "No nice girls ever hit on him. I've seen them totally seem like he wasn't there."

"No, she was a one night stand and horrible at it," Xander said. "I don't think I want that again. Especially since she was into using drugs and I'm not."

Natasha shook her head, looking at Clint. "You're not that bad at least." He grinned back. She huffed but went to find him through the various agencies and online sources she had access to. No one needed that in their lives. Clint winked at Darcy and followed to help.

Steve looked his little girl. "On guys, they're called pecs before you can ask Tony." She grinned and ate another cookie then drank some of her milk.

"Some males actually end up nursing, but it's real rare and it's usually because there's orphans that no one else is taking care of. It's been in the news a few times," Xander told her. "Including a male dog that was nursing abandoned kittens."

"Aww," Suzette said with a smile. "That's sweet. Can you do that?"

"Don't give Willow ideas," he said dryly, smirking at her. "I think it'd drive everyone nuts if I got pregnant."

"No, you shouldn't do that. Only girls should and if Miss Willow does that to you I'll help Daddy kick her butt," Suzette said, looking at Darcy.

"I'll help too. We'll all help, kiddo." Suzette finished her milk and last cookie, leveraging herself up and grabbing her crutches so she could go to the bathroom. Xander frowned a bit. Darcy waved a hand. "She's cleaning up, not doing it for teenagers with eating disorder problems."

"Okay, good. That would suck a lot." Natasha walked behind them to the elevator, Clint right behind her pulling on his shooting glove. "Guys, if you take him out, I want his house in Carpathia please," he quipped.

Natasha sighed. "I'll see what his will says," she complained. They got onto the elevator, Clint smirking at her. "What?" she demanded.

"It goes well with his fortress in the mountains he inherited."

She stared at him then shook her head. "I don't need to know."

"You know, you're pretty deadly yourself," he teased.

"Yes but I like men of wealth and taste."

"He has some money he inherited from Anya."

She shook her head. "No thank you. He's too tough for me. I like mine sweeter." Clint nodded, still smirking. "Nor am I going to tumble him into bed to find out how good he is. I've heard it's ruined a few assassins over the years."

"Quite possibly." They got off and headed for an SUV so they could go handle this problem in their city before it spread and the guy tried to date Bucky. Steve would be paranoid about that and no one wanted to see Steve angry so soon after getting his daughter back.

Upstairs, Suzette was looking at her favorite aunt. "How do you meet boyfriends? The bigger girls were talking about that stuff and couldn't figure out why they didn't meet good boys."

"They go out looking like a ho," Xander said. "So they attract guys who like girls who look like hos. You won't have that problem because your daddy won't allow that. The same as I don't when I'm there."

"That's one point," Darcy said. "Usually you meet them when you're out doing things, though sometimes you can meet people online. So if you go out to the club or you're in a college class, you can meet them that way. I don't know how to meet *nice* boys because they're not the sort I draw," she admitted. "I know my mom met my father when he peed out a window. He was at a party and kinda drunk so he peed out the window and got my mom. She stormed up to yell at him and decided he was cute. But they weren't in good love, it ended after a few years of him being a dick. You definitely need better than that."

Suzette grimaced. "Eww!"

"Yup," Darcy agreed.

"Why would he pee out a window!"

"Because college guys are like that," Darcy admitted. "I'm guessing the sink was in use and the bathroom was too grody to use because the guys hadn't cleaned it in weeks."

Suzette was still making gross faces when she looked at Xander. "I didn't go to college. I went to work and ended up working construction." He smiled. "Not everyone goes to college. Some get bad jobs until they find something they like to do or they go to vo-tech sort of schools to learn a trade. Most of them only party in the clubs and you never want to pick up a drunk guy."

She nodded. "That's a great idea," Steve said as he came out of the bathroom. He looked at Darcy. "She didn't hit him?"

"Oh, she did. He thought it was adorable how spunky my mother was." She grimaced. "That explains a lot about why my parents got divorced."

Steve nodded and patted her on the shoulder. "Your mother deserved better." Darcy grinned. "Some guys also join the military instead of going to college," he told his daughter. "Usually they're pretty decent guys. We'll teach you how to date when you're old enough." She nodded. He looked at Xander. "Did she need to know about the clothes issue?"

"Yup. Because a few girls were trying to talk her and Larissa into joining them in the short skirt guild." Bucky nodded quickly at that. "We had to stop that."

Bucky nodded again. "I threatened to spank because even flappers dancing in cages in speakeasies wore more than they did."

Steve shuddered. "Club hunting?" he guessed.

"In many ways," Xander said dryly. "Also known as lack of common sense since they couldn't hide a weapon. One could almost hide one in her stripper boots but otherwise, not even a bodice dagger could be hidden. They get it from Buffy."

Steve nodded. "We can help her find practical clothes to wear on patrol."

"I can dress like the lady in the movie we watched on tv," Suzette quipped with a smile.

Steve looked at her. "You just want her motorcycle."

"Well, yeah," she said with a grin. "I need one so we can go riding together, Daddy."

"We'll see," Bucky said. "You have to be at least sixteen to get a license to drive a car." She pouted but nodded. "Once you're big enough to see over the steering wheel and reach the petals at the same time, we'll see if Happy can teach you how to drive."

She smiled. "That'd be great. Thank you, Uncle Bucky." She looked at Xander, who was shaking his head. "You can't?"

"No. I tried and I have not enough patience."

"Oh. Okay. I can have you teach me other stuff."

Xander smirked. "I teach many lessons to the girls. Including threatening boys for them."

"Some of them need it," Bucky quipped with a grimace. "You let that greasy walking pile of hair take that one girl out on a date?"

Xander looked up at him. "Your hair's just as long." Steve burst out laughing. "And his was product and too much body spray. He was nervous. I get that. He passed the intent wards, he opened the car door for her, which is something a lot of guys won't do. Many too many just pull up and let the girl hop in." Bucky shook his head with a groan. "One even pulled up and *honked* for her to come out." Steve shuddered. Darcy winced. "I wasn't there then but Buffy went and did the mom job *very* well by telling him how trifling and lacking respect that was. So yeah, the nervous kid was okay enough as far as I know."

He texted that slayer, getting a bad answer back. "He got gropey later and she had to knock him into next week so Faith had to go get her from the jail. Hmm. Well, yeah, they worked that out without me. He apologized for thinking he had manners. She sent back a longer one saying that he did but his older brother had told him to expect 'paid back' for dinner. He sent one to correct that thought. She grinned back and said she was going to the mall, she needed new sneakers. Xander put his phone up. "She's okay. His older brother said he should expect to be paid back," he told Darcy.

She nodded. "I've had a few of those. Is she in real trouble for it?"

"The first one almost was but I was there and I politely told the cop that if the girls didn't smack someone around for disrespecting their bodies and choices, I'd sure as hell do it for the girls. That girls who protect themselves and others are good. And if they tried to get them for self defense I'd let the case go cold when the boy got eaten. So unless they have a *good* reason to arrest one of the girls for something like a bar brawl, which does happen sometimes, then no. Nothing to do with the duty and nothing to do with self defense.

"Especially after Buffy and Faith were supposedly caught by accident talking to the girls on the front lawn about how to defend yourselves against boys who groped. It was their self defense lesson of the day." He smiled. "The lurking reporters got it all and other women agreed until the female prosecutor agreed that she wasn't going to prosecute anyone for saving themselves from being molested. Including the little witch who stopped her grandmother from kidnaping her by blowing up her car's engine and creating a huge mess that created an auto accident. She was seven or eight at the time."

"Way to go, kid," Darcy agreed. "But bad on the accident."

"She didn't realize that sending parts flying all over the street was going to cause other cars problems." He shrugged. "Willow sat down and talked to her about the spell for the prosecutor and they agreed it was a good thing, the insurance companies had to pay because it was an accident during the commission of a crime, and Willow gave her lessons on how to disable a car and how to change things so they weren't going to work. So now she turns wheels into balloons."

"Yeah, you can't drive that way," Bucky agreed. "Who did she do that to? I saw that the other day."

"Grandma." He looked up at Bucky. "Her whole reason for the attempted grab was 'you're raising her to be a heathen with those *gifts* of hers' and she'd do it better."

"Uh-huh," Steve said. "Probably not." Xander smiled at him. "She okay?"

"She and her baby brother, who she taught how to do the stuff Willow taught her, are both okay and they take lessons with the senior witches around the house."

"Aww," Darcy said. "It's good that you see boys doing it."

Xander nodded. "You do, but a lot of them are given funny looks. Especially by the community. There's a real bias about boys doing simple nature magic and girls doing any magic higher than simple nature magic. Girls doing higher magic usually gets them accused of going evil. Boys doing simple nature magic are usually considered faulty somehow because they don't want to do the more powerful stuff that can kill you. The witches are working on that."

Darcy nodded. "A lot of public outreach."

"We had a PR person until she decided she'd rather have her vampired husband and not do the soul spell because he was more exciting this way and it cured the stuff that she was going to divorce him for." He shook his head. "We really do need to hire people that we can trust."

"Your life really is a soap opera," Darcy quipped.

"Many days," Xander said with a grin. "Which is why their plan will never work. No one else could put up with the insanity I have to deal with." His phone rang. He read the message. "No you can't marry the asshole until I've threatened him! Dumbass." Darcy burst out laughing. He looked the guy up and sent her the first thing that popped up. Vehicular manslaughter for drunk driving not even two years earlier. He was on probation. She huffed but he said he could keep looking, he had only done the google search so far. She groaned and said 'no' and left it there. So he called.

"You need to talk to Belinda before she marries the guy who killed two people in a drunk driving crash. She just asked for my permission and I said no then looked him up." He listened. "Yeah, him. Oh, nice, upper crust family. That's probably why he's not in jail. I started with google, Buffy." She did that and sighed, reading what was on there. "Do I need to search better?" He grinned. "I'll be right there." He sighed and waved and disappeared before anyone could stop him.

He glared at the guy, who shrank back. "We only want *good* people for the girls. Not ones that look like their little bottle of rophies is leaking in their pants pocket." He looked and winced, pulling out the small bottle. And the small packet of drugs. "Go. Now. Just....run." The guy stomped off. He looked at Belinda and sighed. "I thought some of my dates were dangerous." She slumped, grimacing. "Can't you use the google?"

"Yes," she muttered.

"Then next time, try that before you get too involved? And you've only known him for *six* days! It's not love, Belinda. That's hit it in the motel length of relationship, not have his future spawn." He looked at Buffy, who nodded for him to go. He hugged her. "The next one will be better because you'll know how to spot them across the club now." He walked off to talk to Andrew, who smiled at him. "Thanks," he muttered, taking the coffee.

"Welcome." He stared at him. "You need to redo all the protections and a few others." He handed over that set of runes. "All but one of what you'll need. I tried to make it pretty but the one on the back needs to go lower on your body."

Xander looked it over then down his shirt. "I probably should get them tattooed on instead of just painted on." He took them to do that and add that set to his usual amount of painting. The new lower one went on his front left hip. He had another rune on his right front hip so it'd match. He looked them over, nodding. The two on his back he let Andrew repaint on. Then Andrew got artistic and painted some pretty vines down his spine to cover one huge scar. "Thanks, 'Drew."

"Welcome, Xander. Have fun finding a tattoo shop."

Xander sighed as he called Maria Hill. "I need a recommendation of someone who can tattoo on my protections. One of the new ones needs to be set in blood. I know that, that's why I'm asking *you*, Hill." He listened. "That'll work. Thanks." He hung up and called McGarrett. "Got any good tattoo shop recommendations? Have to be exact because they're protection runes. Including ones to filter my blood. That'll work. Thanks, man." He hung up and went to the house out there then to their office by cab. Thankfully he had his wallet on him.

Danny looked at him. "He got called up to be nagged by the boss. How extensive are they?" Xander took off his shirt and lowered his pants waistband. "Ow. That's gonna hurt."

"Yeah, a lot. One's on the instep of my foot." He put back on his shirt. Steve walked in and looked down the back of it, wincing. "The large vine was Andrew's idea to cover up a huge scar."

"You could keep painting them."

"The ones to filter my blood have to be set in blood. It's sympathetic."

"I know a guy. He does a lot of SEALs' work." He took Xander there, letting the guy do a full view of all the ones that needed to be inked on. It was going to be a good few hundred bucks for all the work and Xander made sure he could dispose of anything bloody immediately. The guy looked at McGarret. "He was in Africa and caught dengue."

"Ah! Yeah, I can do that," he agreed. "Nothing contagious?"

"Not directly unless you're cooking it down," Xander admitted.

"Even better reason, dude. Yeah, I can do that." Xander got to show him how to draw a few because they were particular that way. He started with the easiest and most important first. They were all on his chest. Xander sighed and started his pain meditation, the one he used for post-battle clean ups. McGarret had to leave to go bust someone but he could handle this on his own. Even if he did yelp a lot at some of them. At least a few could remain just painted on. Those he might have to lose some day and it was easier not to have them tattooed. The one in his hairline was a bit of a pain but the guy plucked a few hairs so he didn't have to shave him totally. By the time he was done it was midnight and the guy told Xander how to treat them. Xander nodded, letting him put bandages over them and he paid the guy plus a good tip, then he got a cab home. He was broke for the week but it was better this way.

The guy, a native sorcerer, smiled at the silly guy's back. He had heard who he was and yeah, he needed all those protection marks. He'd have to look them up, see if any of his usual clients could use them.

***

Kate showed up at the house in Hawaii by sneaking. Her father was still livid but she was escorting her therapist, Sam Wilson, there. Her father liked him when they had met, and he conveniently worked with soldiers so she knew about the battle stuff for his needs, but he knew what Kate really did so she was clear to actually talk to him about stuff. She found Xander on the couch covered in smaller bandages. "What did you do this time!" she demanded.

"Protection tattoos. Can you please gel the ones on my back for me, Kate?"

"Yeah, sure. About time." She and Sam gelled them all for him and recovered them. Xander sighed because the itching quit. She grinned. "I'm hiding."

"I do much of that. I've got to go to see Avena in a few days."

"You're insane," Sam said. "That many at once?"

"Might as well get them all done at once," he said dryly. "That way I don't have to worry about anything but them being cut into. Andrew even suggested something to hide the huge scar down my back."

"I can see that," Sam said. He took pictures and sent it to Bucky. He got back one asking what he had taken on. So Sam told him. "Bucky said he thought only sailors got tattoos but protections that were more firm were good ideas in your case so you didn't get too many more bad dates."

"I didn't put on the one against women," he said dryly. Kate giggled. He grinned at her. "Why are you hiding?"

"Dad."

"Ah." He nodded. "That's cool. What's up, Sam?" He made himself sit up.

"Came to see if you were okay after all that was done with finally."

"Yeah, it's all back to situation normal."

"Not the girls or the Council. You." He stared at him.

Xander shrugged. "I'm okay."

"The last time you and I talked you were so burnt out it wasn't funny."

"Is this like group therapy?" he joked.

"Yup." He smirked. "Not like I can't run a group for heros who need to talk about stuff."

"I guess," Kate sighed. She flopped next to Xander, giving him a hug. "I need to do protections."

"You're not old enough," he said. "Try henna."

"I have two I henna on every four weeks. Dad was wondering why until I told him one was against chaos sorcerers, like my almost last boyfriend, and the other was to protect me against someone like Loki's mind gifts."

"Probably not fully strong enough," Xander warned.

"I know but it'll help."

"Cool. You might think about one against witches casting disease charms." She held up her pendant chain. "Even better, yeah. The new combo one?"

"Yup," she said with a smile. "Because I have some trifling hos in my school."

Sam laughed. "How bad are they?"

"So far they're still trying to turn me into a centaur," she said dryly, smiling at him. "Not succeeding very well but trying awfully hard. I can just imagine the fit if they manage it."

"Well, at least you'll still be able to wear a shirt," Xander said. "We'd try to get you turned back by torturing the ho witches. I'm sure Willow could explain why it was wrong and give them other ideas. That would give Clint enough time to get there if I couldn't."

She nodded. "My dad would still freak and think about shoes. It'd be impossible to find something cute."

"Or for you to climb buildings," Sam added.

"True, but I could definitely pass gym for running," she quipped back.

"We can probably get you out of gym since you do take after school martial arts," Xander said.

"I quit last month," she sighed. "Dad agreed it was a great idea but the sensei got told what I was doing and he's anti-Council."

"There's still some people like that. We like to invite them to save themselves." Sam stared at him. "What? I'm not going to save their asses if they don't want me to."

"Point," Sam said. "It's not a choice. You can't pick and choose who you save."

"Don't remind me." He stared at him.

"You could use a vacation. You're both burnt out," Sam said.

"Yup," Xander agreed. "I'll take a few days when I'm off checking on the minis in a few months."

"I've got four guys who want to help. Yes, they're former military. They *really* want to help. They know that you guys are paranoid about people coming in to monitor and change things, all that. I warned them well about that."

"I can interview them. I told Phil I'd interview two of his."

"They got found to be HYDRA and still wanted to help," Kate quipped. "He asked and they said they really wanted to help the slayers make sure the world didn't end." Xander shook his head. "That's what Phil said too." She leaned on his arm. "I could use a long vacation but it's coming up on the holidays. So probably not."

"Shit, I forgot," Xander muttered. "I'll have to shop."

"Gift. Cards," Kate said dryly.

"Probably for the girls I don't know too well. Most of them get little things from me and a small box of decent chocolates." She grinned. "Yes, you get the bigger version because you're still a girl."

"Thank you. I adore those chocolates you get me." He laughed. "Not like I get a stocking full of candy anymore."

"That means shopping," Sam said with a smile. Xander and Kate both shuddered. "Haven't you been picking stuff up during your travels?"

"Yup and I have to pick one of them up." He sent a message to that slayer and she said she already had them and she'd send them to him later. She was meeting her future husband. Xander stared at the phone. "You're fifteen." He pointed that out. And her calling if it was going to matter. She sent back her mother had told him and he'd be invited to the wedding and she had agreed because he wasn't *too* bad, and if he was mean to her he knew she'd have him eaten. Xander grinned and congratulated her then sent Buffy an email about that. She sent a sigh back. "Sorry, one of the lower African slayers is fifteen and meeting her future husband today to make final arrangements."

Sam shook his head. "I feel sorry for the girl but I know that's how it goes over there."

Xander nodded. "He knows about her duty and she's already promised if he's mean to her she's going to have him eaten."

"Which is mean, but spousal abusers of any type deserve it," Kate said. She looked up. "Dawn said Phil had an idea of asking the higher powers to give the visions to death row inmates instead of you or anyone else. That way they had some use while they were waiting on their appeals to run out."

"I'll gladly share mine," he said dryly.

Sam cleared his throat. "There's a worry that yours will do you like they did Cordelia," he said.

Xander shook his head. "Hers got passed on from Doyle, who was the mouthpiece for the PTB. I'm pretty sure they don't send me the visions. If they did, I would've already died of them. I don't know who does, because they have shit timing. I've had two during sex. Not exactly why I want to groan during that." Kate blushed but swatted him on the arm. "Seriously!" He smirked at her. "Some day you'll find that out and I'll be there to threaten him for you too. Or her, could be a her. Never rule anything out," he said at her odd look.

"As far as I know, I think I'm gonna like the D, Xander."

"It is fun." She swatted him again but sighed and shook her head. "It is. I find it fun." He winced and rubbed over a bandage. Sam handed over the gel so Kate could put more on that one. "Thanks."

"Welcome," she quipped. "Better to have eternal protection against witches so they can't pull you back after you die."

"I need to get Andrew to look those up," he said, blinking hard. He sent that text message. Willow sent back a shriek but oh well. Kate texted Willow to calm her down. They didn't mean *her*. They meant some witch in the future who was panicking about a huge battle and calls Xander back to help.

Sam shook his head, but he was smiling. "Usually I'd say no cellphones during talking."

"That'd be when the evil would attack because we're both out of contact," Kate said dryly. Xander nodded. She smiled at Sam. "We're onto their sneaky plans."

"I'm sure you are," Sam agreed.

Xander and Kate both looked up at the laughing and the voice that said 'they had better plans than that'. Xander grinned. "Hey, Mirash, if that's the plan to take out Kasmira, that's already been stopped, dude. Sorry."

The demon appeared. "What?" he demanded. Xander showed him the vision he had already countered. Then he got up to get his log of visions to show him all the ones he had countered. "I don't know which source gives your visions but we need to end them. Though that does mean that all my competitor's plans are ended so I can enact my own." Xander winced, holding his head. "Fuck!" He disappeared. Kate got Xander sitting down and helped debrief him from the vision. Sam too, he had seen a few of these. Kate could even make the headache tea for him.

***

Somewhere far away, a male smirked. "That's good, my little promised one. Very well played," he cooed. "Not like we'd let all the powerful chaos sources go to one chaos god. That wouldn't be fair or balancing."

***

Two days later, Kate and Sam carried Xander into Avengers tower, nodding at the receptionist who was giving them a funny look. "Special delivery," Kate quipped. She looked at the elevator. "JARVIS?" she called plaintively. The doors opened and they went up to the living room area. She and Sam put Xander onto Bucky's lap, handed Stark the vision log, complete through that morning, and Bucky the gel for the tattoos. Then they smiled and walked off together to get coffee. "Have you tried that new shop up the street? It's gourmet or something. Not sure if it's better than the little espresso shop by my school but anything's better than Starbucks."

"Bring you guys back anything you'll pay us back for?" Sam quipped before they got onto the elevator.

Tony looked at the log, frowning. "His past visions." He flipped to the end ones. "At least six in the last day."

Bucky shifted, putting the bottle down so he could open Xander's good eye to look at it. "He's fully out. Looks sedated."

Bruce came over to help Bucky move Xander onto his own seat. Xander moaned and started to have another one until Bucky touched him. "I think they're moving with their plan," Bruce complained. Tony was texting Kate, who said it was any contact that blocked it. The Devon Coven were paying him back.

"Any human contact stops them," he said. "Why does he have tattoo gel?"

"Because he's got a bunch of bandages," Bruce said. "Probably why." He helped Xander shift so he was laying on Bucky's thigh, which stopped them from coming. "I'm wondering if his ex's are going to storm Devon."

"I can," Bucky said. His phone rang. The message from Ethan Rayne was odd so he forwarded it to Andrew to interpret. He didn't speak magic. He got back specific instructions from Andrew with 'I'll bring the potion and then go blow the fuck out of them for him'. Bucky answered a 'thank you' to them both to stay polite. He had nothing against Ethan Rayne yet. It was nice of him to help Xander.

Stark was reading through the vision logs, shaking his head every few. "Let's hope he doesn't have to have hardly any after this run. He's had sixteen recorded in the last four days." Bucky winced, checking Xander's neck pulse. Xander weakly swatted at him before trying to rub over a bandage. Bruce took the gel to do them for him, staring at how many bandages got uncovered. "Looks like all the protections he had done." They all looked healthy so Bruce just gelled them and smiled when Xander shifted to take the gel and do the ones on his hips without fully waking up. "Want me to do any on your legs or back?" Bruce asked quietly. Xander pointed at one of his feet and then his lower back, then groaned as he shifted. Bruce got all the ones on his back and found the one on his foot, wincing at how much that had to have hurt.

Bucky shook his head. "I knew he had some in henna. I don't know many people who have that many tattoos. Steve came off the elevator from the gym. "They dropped him off to go get coffee. Apparently the witches in Devon are getting back at him by making him have run-on visions if he's not in physical contact with someone."

"That's bad," Steve said, tipping his head to look at the marks. "Protections and stuff?" Bruce nodded. "I guess that's good."

Andrew appeared, handing Bucky the potion. "It'll work for about three hours at a time. It's a sip now and then sort." He looked at Xander. "That's going to suck. The one against bitches might keep away some of his ex's." He disappeared. A few minutes later, a special news report came on the tv about a giant robot stomping on a few houses in Devon, England, and they had no idea what the witches had done to piss off others this time.

"Hopefully the potion's not a permanent fixture," Bucky said, giving Xander a sip of it. Xander spluttered but glared at him. "Andrew made it to help you. That way you won't have as many visions for three hours."

"Going to kill them," he mumbled. Bucky pointed at the tv. Xander snorted then looked up. "Unless you want them to make sure there's no way any plans come into being, I'd go help Andrew with that one thing I found in Cyprus." On the tv, two large stone statues appeared and they joined arms to dance on top of the ruins of the houses. "Thanks, guys."

"Can you use that to cancel a poker debt?" a gravely voice called.

Xander grinned. "No, sweetie, I have *plans* for yours. Chaos god sized *plans*. But I'll cancel one of Sorba's so you can get it from him instead." The demon was shivering as he appeared and hugged him then left. Xander sat up, looking at his new marks. "Thanks for the help, guys. I can't reach all the ones on my back."

"What's with the flowering belladonna vine?" Bruce asked.

"Andrew suggested it to cover up a nasty scar." He grinned. "That one hurt the least of all of them. I'm so glad I didn't need a dick tattoo to solidify the protections. I used to paint one on when I was with Anya so she'd have to leave me alone if she had caught something when she cheated with Spike."

"You kept her after she cheated?" Stark asked.

"I didn't get dates back then, Stark. No one was interested and Anya was trying new human things that she hadn't gotten too do in her years as a demon. I told her if she did it again she was history. That was her only warning and my hand didn't require presents or wear me out. She never did it again that I knew of."

"You needed male role models back then," Steve said. He walked toward his room.

"Nothing else there in town that wanted to date me," he said dryly. "Plenty that would've eaten me but not dated me. Or cuddled. I didn't find many of them until I went to LA with everyone after the battle. That night's stress relief was nice enough to comfort my loss and nearly killed Buffy for complaining I had left her alone to have some quiet time."

Bruce cleared his throat. "We can help you put down things to get college credits for life experience," he offered.

"College isn't for guys like me, Bruce. And even then I'd go into something like archeology since I have this little gift of falling into holes that let me find things. Like altars to dead realms or mystical artifacts, or buried treasure last time." Bucky groaned. "Steve and Danny made that same sound," he said with a grin. "I was off with Sonya to have a picnic and fell into a water spout hole. She wasn't real happy that our picnic with sex was interrupted for them to come rescue me and what I found down there, but she did like playing with it after they were gone. The mermaid colony had been gathering pearls and shiny things they found on the ocean floor. Including a genie bottle I did not touch. We handed that sucker over as a dangerous mystical artifact."

"Are they demonic?" Bruce asked.

"Trapped and ensorcelled humans. It's like getting a wish demon job only it sucks more and you're never around people who don't want stuff. If you're not freed right it can kill you too. One of the ones I play poker with is one and he's a horrible card cheat but he's pretty lonely most of the time. He's still stuck but his last owner got sent into a coma while his bottle was open so he could go out and talk to people if he wanted. He said he really wanted to be an incubus but got tricked into this job. Still better than the probable future of being castrated as a queen's guard though."

Bruce nodded. "You know some really weird people." Xander smiled. Bruce handed over the gel and walked off to go to his lab to find something that didn't make him think for a while.

Tony watched Bruce walk off then looked at Xander. "You do that better than Lewis does."

"Did you know one of your ex-bimbos is actually a wish demon?" Xander asked him. "She swayed up to me drunkenly the other day and told me to tell you she said hi and she missed your fingers. She's over doctors who need miracles or something like that. Pretty blonde lady." Stark groaned and got up to walk off shaking his head. He grinned at Bucky.

"I don't have any living ex's. I didn't do more than date." Pepper came off the elevator. "Morning, Pepper."

"Boys. Which one, Xander?" He pulled up the picture on his phone, showing it to her. "Oh, that bimbo. I remember her. She at least picked up after herself and was happily pleasant the next morning about it just being for fun." She sighed. "He had so many I had to ask."

"I'd keep picture of mine to make sure I remember but that might implicate someone," Xander quipped. He grinned at Bucky. "I found a very nice lady who liked my new tattoos. Sam even liked her when they chatted because we were all at the bar before the first vision hit. She helped and it didn't scare her off."

"I'll do a background check on her," Bucky said, cracking Pepper up. "That way we know which bad girl field she's in."

"She's a chaos mage. Vowed to Loki." Bucky stared at him. Xander nodded. "She didn't like his invasion plan either." He grinned at Pepper. "She's young, just a few years older than I am. She's hip. She suggested a few marks I could add to my collection of protection runes. She's a really sweet lady and was real honest about some day wanting daughters. I warned her mine would probably be tortured by the PTB but she knew how to get around that by blessing them to someone immediately. She even said the mermaid taint was cool."

"She was probably looking for a baby daddy," Pepper said.

Xander smiled. "I told her it wasn't going to be today. A man needed practice for things like that and if they were mine I'd be there helping a lot. She said that was always the best way to do it unless you wanted cranky and mean chaos sorcerers in training. She said she could even figure out how to put most of the hellmouth taint into one of them so they'd be sure to have magic so they could follow her. I told her I'd consider it after our fifth date. She cooed and that's when the damn vision hit. I'm hoping Sam got her number."

Bucky texted that and nodded once. "Kate approved of her because she was honest and only a bit mean, not evil. Damn." Steve came out from showering and changing clothes. "Xander met a nice chaos mage sworn to Loki who hated Loki's invasion thing. She wants kids too."

Steve just nodded. "Would the others like that, Xander?"

"She and Buffy could be better friends, she likes shopping and Willow doesn't. She's willing to help the girls. I might have to make sure Andrew doesn't steal her from me but the slayers won't mind. They might start planning a wedding almost immediately but otherwise it'd be okay with them as long as she was helping them. They mostly were with the others. The most I get is some anti-gay stuff but that's mostly solved by the other girls beating the snot out of them for it."

"If you're that interested in chaos people, why don't you talk to Ethan?" Bucky suggested.

"Because he's Giles' ex-boyfriend and way too old for me."

"Fine." He grimaced, considering things.

Xander stood up. "The last time I knew I was doing the laundry so let me get back to that."

"Potion only lasts for three hours," Bucky said, holding it up.

"Tony said you'd been trapped in the visions for a few days," Pepper said.

"Then I hope someone put the wash into the dryer." He frowned. Andrew reappeared and shoved him back onto Bucky's lap. "What's wrong now?"

"They're trying to get Willow to agree with them." Xander snorted. "They're saying you were overly mean."

"I was about to be chopped into parts!" Xander complained.

"They say that your heirs would continue your work and the Powers said it was a fitting end. They could stop whoever made the bombs."

"Sure, after millions might die," Bucky said. "No. Hell no."

"To quote a few of the minis, super hell no," Xander said quietly, staring at Andrew. Andrew started to carefully move away from him, looking scared. "They're doing this so the slayer is fully back as their little soldier and I'm not going to allow it. I will call injury on them in the higher courts and I will call in every single poker debt." A demon appeared, nearly drooling, looking expectant. Xander smiled and shook his hand. "You don't owe me one."

"No but I'm willing to give you one for free. That coven is going to make sure humanity falls. They're all blinded and expect the next single slayer called will fix it all. She'll be four but she's expected to fix it all."

"I can do a curse of true sight," Andrew offered.

"Which means they'll see what they want to see wherever they're looking," Xander reminded him. "They can get around that." Xander considered it. "Andrew, can you do a genealogy spell?"

"Of course." He got some paper thanks to Pepper and did it. He looked. "Why do all the witches die off in three generations?"

"Because the sort that'd set the bombs aren't going to like them," Xander said bluntly. "Do a few of the people around them? And Willow's?"

"She's on here. She's got a daughter that dies at about six-years-old. A lot of people die at that time." He took it back there and put it on the table. "Xander had me do a genealogy spell." Willow snorted. "Your daughter and a lot of other witches are going to die when she's six." She snatched it to look at, staring at all the death dates. No one survived. She moaned. The others stared at it. "Xander reminded you that the people who'd create those bombs, they don't like witches or slayers. Apparently in the next twenty-three years, there's going to be at least two major apocalypses.

"Thanks, now I have to speed up work on making sure I can be transferred to a cybernetic body." The witches were checking on things. They saw the Powers trying to block it and moved around it. They all screamed and cursed the Powers for making them start that off. "Apparently you're just weak pawns to them too?" he quipped. "That's something Xander's known all along. He's got beings begging to help him."

"I remove my curse," Willow said, canceling her part out. Hers was the heft behind it. The others glared but she glared back. "Not like he'll be here to protect us. He'll be dead before then of a vision." They all groaned and canceled the curse.

Andrew pulled Xander there. Xander stared at them. "First, don't start none won't be none." They groaned. "Second, I'll be *damned* if you try to force a *child* to be a warrior! How fucking evil are you!" They flinched back. "Third, I know what I'm going to ask that nice wish granting demon who just offered to help here. The Higher Powers need some more female influence." The wish demon appeared. "You all need to refind your goddess. So let's let Inana take up a six generation position with the Powers That Be, and she'll be able to hand it over to whoever she likes when that time is done with."

The demon moaned like he had just orgasmed. "You sure you want her, Harris? She's militant."

"She's over amazons on her world," he said with a smile. "Some day she wants to go back and take them back over. How better to get her used to a lot of warriors working together, male and female, than to be watching over the warriors we have here who are like her own?" He smiled. "Besides, the other goddesses trapped on this plane aren't usually nice and I only know of one who would be protective of the slayers. She's a nature goddess. She can work with Inana if you want."

The demon moaned and nodded. "Oh, Sweet God, yes," he sighed. He made the wish go through.

Inana appeared, kissing Xander gently. "Thank you, my love. No special favors though."

He smiled. "I know you'll treat the slayers and hunters like warriors, not tools or pawns in a game."

"Yes, I will. I know how important warriors are to a group surviving." She smiled and took another kiss. "I'll see you sometime, sweetie." She ran a hand over his head. "Only the important visions and they won't hurt as much." She took one last kiss, then looked at Rosenburg. "Butt out of his life, witchy." She smiled at him. "I like that pretty chaos mage, Xander. She's sweet. Though the standing idea is very hot." She disappeared, taking that demon with her to announce her and her best friend, the nature goddess. The world could use more prettiness as well.

Xander smiled. "Two great new light side goddesses you can pray to too."

"Your ex was pretty," Willow said quietly. "Kinda. Do noses run in her people?"

"Some people have larger noses, Willow. They also know how to keep them out of things." He disappeared with Andrew. He sat down with a sigh of pleasure, looking at Kate and Sam, who were staring at him. "Sorry, had to go fix some things."

"I'm scared to ask how you did that," Kate said.

He grinned. "Someone showed up to grant me a wish so I wouldn't have to use poker debts. So I gave Inana a way to learn how to work with multiple warrior personalities beyond her amazons." Kate swallowed hard. He smiled. "She's now one of the Powers That Be."

She laughed, sounding nervous. "You're joking, right?" Sam asked. Xander smiled and shook his head.

Andrew shook his head but slid down next to him. "She's a great choice. She knows how to battle to save people. She understands what warrior women can and should be. She knows that the slayers aren't all that happy to be slayers and how we work around them because she and Xander have had on-and-off things for years now." He looked at Xander. "I'm sorry you lost your snuggly bunny."

"It's okay. I would've lost her to going home anyway."

Andrew smiled and nodded. "Probably. What about the pretty chaos mage she mentioned?"

"She's pretty nice. I think I'm going to ask her out."

Andrew patted him on the arm. "As long as she's good to the girls we won't mind. I'll check with Giles too."

"You can stay, Andrew," Sam said. "We're basically having a talk group about hero stuff."

Andrew gave him an odd look. "I'm not a hero, Sam. I'm the housemother. I cook and clean and make robots."

"Which you run during battles so that makes you a part-time hero, the same as I am," Kate said with a smile.

Andrew pouted. "How am I going to take over the world if I'm a hero?"

"It'll be a great betrayal but they like you more than me," Xander said dryly. Andrew hugged him and left. "Don't make Andrew panic, Sam. He and his buddies made a lot of taking over the world plans." He stood up to stretch. "Since I've already done group therapy once this week with Kate, let me go find that pretty chaos mage I want to flirt with." Steve hauled him back down. "Hey!"

"I think we can all go over things, that way we can work together during huge demon battles the next time," Steve said with a smile.

"Fine. I'll call Ms. Beldane later." She appeared, smirking at him. "Hi, I was going to come find you."

"You called for me, that's like summoning me." She winked and slid into his lap, kissing him. He moaned and picked her up, walking her off to the elevators. She laughed and made them go back to her place up the street. He was definitely worth the magic and the energy. He even nicely fought off the bad thing that he accidentally released by walking past it. Then he made her pray to her god and all the others.

Back in the tower, Bucky just sighed and shook his head. "It'll be days. He's like that." Dawn appeared and flopped down, giving him a hug. "I don't hug, Dawn."

"Shut up, before you become a yappy dog," she muttered, squeezing him harder.

He elbowed her to get her off him. "What happened?"

"My sister just gave me the 'see, this is what happens when we try to go to a normal life, demons intrude' speech. Again. So I had a screaming match with her. I got yelled at for defending myself but that's about usual around Buffy."

"If being a normal woman makes you happy, then be a normal woman until you're forced out of the closet as a witch," Sam said. "You can't live your life for your sister."

"I know. I've tried. I've even changed my phone number. She has Willow get it for her. Maybe I'll find a school in another reality to get away from her nagging me like I'm a toddler. Oh, and get this, she threatened one of the guys I was helping study for being a guy in my dorm room with the door open. Apparently I'm not allowed to have sex, ever, because it's evil because she has bad taste." She looked around. "I was going to pout at Xander."

"He met a pretty nice chaos mage," Kate said. "She came to pounce. Inana's now a PTB." Dawn stared at her, mouth open. Kate nodded. "Xander made the wish."

"Well, fuck, but hey, amazons will come back into style again." She pulled back her hair and let it go. "Sam, can I please have you go thump my sister with some reality like you did me when I was trying to decide what I wanted to do for real?"

"I can do that," he agreed with a smile. "I've talked to many of the slayers. The same as I do these guys."

"Sorry, guys, didn't mean to interrupt therapy stuff." She stood up and disappeared. "Buffy, get the hell out of my room before I go out clubbing looking like one of your whore patrol of slayers on the prowl and pick up *all* the bar," they heard. Then they heard a door slam. The feed cut off.

Sam shook his head, sipping his coffee. "Dawn's really a good kid. Has a good head on her shoulders. Has ideas of what'll make her happy. Wants to pay her own way in life and give back to people most of the time. I think her mom would be really proud of her. I still have no idea why they're making her take chemistry though. Her either."

"She said she was transferring to Georgetown," Kate said. "I suggested Columbia but they didn't have her exact major and she didn't want to be in the whirl of the strange stuff up here." She leaned back. "I really like Dawn. She's the lightest of all of us heirs of Xander." Bucky gave her a dirty look. "He redid his will. He left Dawn stuff to make an exhibit on the Council and on Anya. I think his wishes said for her kids to do it. Because by then it'll be historical."

Bucky shook his head with a sigh. "Sometimes he's incredibly weird and worrying."

"But that's what makes him a Xander," Sam said. Bucky nodded that was true. "Anyone else want to talk about stuff that's been going on?" No one said anything. "Fine. Just remember you can talk to me when you're all burned out and ready to fire on the normal humans." Stark smirked. "Yes, I know you've been there for years, Stark. Humor me and call first?"

"I guess I can do that. Does anyone pay you to do this for me?"

"Harris does out of the Council fund. I'm one of their on-call therapists for the girls who are going critical. It's only interfered one time and I had her come to sit in with my group. The vets all understood where she was sitting and how bad it got from there so they talked her down off her pointy edge while helping themselves." He smiled. "It's the benefit of group therapy."

"We usually mumble around Darcy's pies," Clint said. "She bakes really good."

Sam smiled. "She's womanly that way. A lot aren't these days." Everyone nodded.

"I didn't realize Xander could really cook until he sent Andrew on a few days leave," Bucky said. "He was tense after we all got back from hiding and Xander took over housemom duties. He did a really nice job. Andrew was surprised too because he came back expecting smoke damage or something."

"I didn't know he could cook," Sam said.

"He said he had jobs that he cooked during. Including at a strip club."

Sam nodded. "That makes some sense. They're cheap and easy jobs. Somewhere like Sunnydale would shed workers in those faster because most guys in those jobs are teens or single people. Doesn't he cook when you two travel?"

"Some. He doesn't make anything fancy but it tastes good." He looked at Steve. "I did that recipe Dernier used to make when we made a good camp. He really liked it." Steve grinned back. He looked at Sam again. "He hasn't told me. Who's going where?"

"He said he's going to do his mini hellion check in a few weeks," Sam said. "You going?" He sipped his coffee.

"I don't know," Bucky admitted. "I might take over part of his route so he doesn't have as much to do. I don't mind traveling and it might help with those last few things we're tracking down."

"What few things?" Clint asked.

"The same project that made Suzette made three boys, two of which are still living the last we heard," Sam said. "They're in some sort of specialized training center."

Clint winced. "Damn."

"Basically," Steve agreed. "We think one's Suzette's brother." He looked at his buddy, who nodded he'd tell him. "Thanks, Bucky."

"Welcome. Not like I want to leave little kids in their hands. Who knows how they'll screw them up or if they'll end up like that one poor guy we heard had tentacles."

"Do I want to know?" Stark asked the ceiling then looked at him. "Why would they do that?"

"Because they could," Bucky said. "Last we heard about him, he was put back into cryo because he wasn't able to integrate right." Stark shuddered. "So we don't know. We're looking at the mop up of all that."

"If you want help, let me know," Steve ordered. "Not like I want that sort of being to have kids either." Bucky smirked at him. He smirked right back. "It'll be like old times."

"Definitely." He snapped his fingers then reached over to hit him on the back of the head. "Because I heard about the grenade in basic, dumbass. That and I owe you one for jumping without a parachute." He hit him again.

"Ow!" he complained. "It was a silent drop!"

"So?"

"It was into water."

"Again, so? Did the serum take out all common sense?"

"Did yours?" he shot back.

"No, I think it was freezer burn," Bucky shot back. Steve huffed but sat back, frowning now. "Sam, you need to encourage him to find the sense his mother passed on to him. Before he has to have this same talk with his daughter, who'll say stuff like 'but you did it, Daddy'."

Sam grinned. "We've already had a talk about some of those things." He grinned at Steve. "The next time you pull something boneheaded but heroic, think about what your daughter's going to say."

"I will."

"Thank you."

"Thanks," Bucky agreed, smiling at him. "We'd appreciate not burying you as well."

"Shut up."

"No!" He stared at him. Steve glared back. He arched an eyebrow and Steve huffed again but relaxed and wasn't going to stomp off. "If you die, I'm going to summon you back so Xander can be possessed by you."

Steve leaned forward to look down at him around Natasha. "No you won't."

"Yes I will. It'll be like having a more wild version of you around." Steve groaned. "It'll help Suzette too." Steve moaned and shook his head. "Then I'll teach her every single dirty trick I taught you and all the new ones I've learned too."

"I always try really hard to come home to her, and to call you to make sure you're okay and you know I made it home."

Bucky stared at him. "You're turning into Xander."

"Maybe he's turning into me," he quipped back, trying to smile. Bucky stared at him. "He could be. I'm a role model I'm told."

"He's not patriotic."

"Point. I'm trying."

"Thank you. That'd be a nice change."

Steve sighed. "I'll try harder."

"Great," Natasha said, getting up and moving. "You two can do the hugging thing since this is officially therapy now." She went into the kitchen, coming out with some more coffee for Clint and tea for herself. She sat down on the arm of the chair Clint was perched in. "Did I miss the hug?"

"No," Sam said. "They're being too macho to hug."

Cordelia appeared, smiling at Bucky. "They've presently got Inana tied up so their latest plan can go on. Sorry. She's about to go after them with a sword but we can't stop that storm." She disappeared. She was cheering Inana on. The goddess had her sword and she was going to kill them like they were bugs. Even Whistler had gotten out of the way.

"Storm?" Bucky called. "Care to elaborate?" No answer. He called Xander's phone. "Cordelia said some sort of higher up made a storm to push their idea," he said into the voicemail. "Let me know what you hear." He hung up and called another number. "Boris, Barnes. What storm?" He listened, wincing. "That's going to suck huge to quote Xander. Thanks." He hung up. "Bad hurricane this year." Steve was already sending that message on by the time he had finished. He also texted Darcy.

She came off the elevator and looked up. "If I fuck them will you quit trying to end humanity?" she called. "I'll take one for the team and treasure the experience probably, if they're any good at it, but I'm not settling down and I'm not really wanting to be a mom right now."

Whistler appeared, straightening out his hat. "It won't stop the storm, it was already coming. They just upped the power. They wanted you four mated so you could control the chaos."

"I bring plenty," she said with a smirk. "I'm told I should've taken up chaos magic by some."

Whistler nodded. "Yes, you should have. But apparently you have things that can put a leash on Harris."

"They're called boobs," Darcy said. "Most women have at least some."

Whistler blushed. "Not something I know anything about. The Powers That Be don't need me to know."

"Beyond that, Xander's just found a cute chaos mage he really likes," Bucky said. Whistler whined and shook his head. "And if they make the storm worse than it's supposed to be, I'm going to find a way up there."

"Inana's already taken a sword to them," Whistler complained. "Harris ruined them by making that wish."

"Hmm, ruining a higher power to protect a bunch of people called humanity," Darcy said. "Hmm...." She tapped her lip with her finger. "No, I think I would've done the same and given her the grand pooba crown too." She stared at him. "Not like they're hitting on me. If it takes me getting naked time with happies at the end to keep them from killing everyone, I'll do that but I expect to be rewarded because Xander's not really my type. He's a bit too wild."

"He needs a leash," Whistler said.

"No, Xander needs a mate," Bucky said firmly. "Someone who can help him with what he's chosen to do. Someone to be there on the bad nights after the horrible battles to soothe the nightmares. We could *all* use that. Short of us hooking up together, it's not going to happen and Xander's not her type anyway since all his are dangerous or deadly. Darcy's very womanly but she's not that sort of dame."

Whistler slumped. "It's not my call. I'm sorry."

"Well, stop the storm and I'll let them get closer to my boobs," Darcy said sarcastically. "But if one extra person gets hurt, you'd better believe I'll start praying to a chaos god named Xander."

Whistler shuddered. "I'll point that out. Maybe they just didn't look." He disappeared.

"Again?" Darcy quipped. "How shocking would that be?" She stared at the two heros. "If we have to do it, I expect takeout." She walked off. "I'm not usually that easy but if it'll save lives, I'll do the deed and have happy thoughts for a few nights at the prettiness." She went back to the lab to complain to Jane and Thor. Maybe Thor could find them and beat them for her.

"Wow," Stark said. He looked at Sam.

"I've heard a lot about them not paying any attention. Xander got visions for the longest time about slayers being in a battle that was coming up but the slayers they demanded be there had died out decades ago. He finally had Willow summon Cordelia so he could point out that they had died. He had to sigh and tell them that and apparently they punished him for telling him they were morons who didn't look." Sam shrugged. "We have great higher ups over the ones who protect humanity."

"Can we send Loki to help them be higher ups?" Stark asked. "He's nutty and warped and evil but I think they'd make better minions and the slayers would probably get around him anyway. It'd be like being a king in name only." He drank the rest of his coffee and got up to get some more, making another pot when he heard Jane stomping up the stairs complaining. He handed her a cup of coffee on his way past her. "Not our idea, Jane." He flopped back down.

"What can we do to stop them?" Jane demanded, sipping her coffee and moaning. "That's nice. Thank you, Tony."

"Welcome." He sipped his own. "No clue. They're the powers over the slayers and other people who save us all from demon things."

"Maybe we can wish all the demons go to another realm and the slayers are reduced to just in case something else invades," she said, grimacing.

"DON'T YOU DARE MAKE THAT WISH! WE DON'T NEED TO PUNISH ANOTHER REALM AND IT'LL KILL EVERYONE HERE!" Cordelia shouted, appearing to glare at her. "We'd all like the slayers rescued and saved from the duty, but that'll kill humanity. So no, we can't do that and don't even think about it. Some would grant it so they had new realms to go take over. By the time they'd get here to take us out for it, we'd already be dead." She disappeared. "Forget you ever made that wish or wish it on another realm."

"She's got a very strong voice," Jane said, blinking hard.

"She used to be a cheerleader," Bucky said. "Used to date Xander too."

Jane just nodded. "Sure." She walked off. "Thor, I'm sorry if someone or something heard my wish and grants it. I'm told it'll end humanity. You might have to come visit me in Loki's old cell." He hugged her, and let her tell him what she had said. He agreed it would probably kill everyone and that other realm as well so he'd help make sure it wouldn't happen here.

"Anyone else wondering if there's a chaos god getting high?" Clint asked. Everyone nodded. "I wonder which one it is."

"Janus seems to be really liked," Stark said. He finished his current cup of coffee and put it aside. "How do we stop that?"

"Hopefully it's self-stopping since we can't unless we ascend into higher beings," Natasha said. "That's not a title I've ever wanted." She threw a knife at the squeaky sound she could hear, killing the mouse. "Stark, you really must do something about her experiments."

"She's not here any more." He got up to look, holding up the dead mouse. "Nice shot but it's a New York rat." He went to toss it off the balcony once the knife was out of it. "I'll have someone come up to put down stuff to kill them." He handed the knife back on his way back to his seat.

"I've already told Miss Potts, sir," JARVIS said. "She's set up an appointment for four this afternoon and they'll finish baiting the tower tomorrow. Everyone is given the rest of today and tomorrow off because of the spotting of the rat."

"Thanks, JARVIS," Clint said. He looked at Natasha, who smirked a tiny little smirk. He looked at the others. "We got asked to a Halloween charity ball, people. Do we have to go?"

"I'm still officially Council and we do not celebrate that holiday," Bucky said firmly. "Vampires take the night off, so do most demons, but chaos sorcerers seem to think it's their playground. No thank you."

"Because of one incident?" Stark asked. "Done years ago? It's for Make A Wish, Barnes. For sick little kids."

Bucky stared at him. "Last year, we had to take down the sorcerer who was making living zombies for a huge party of monsters." Stark slumped, shaking his head. "Thankfully they reverted as soon as he was unconscious. So did the fake werewolves before all but one got skinned by a pelt hunter. That one was mid-skinning and they arrested him because Xander nearly killed him for it." Everyone shook their heads. "We don't celebrate Halloween. The kids go on candy stroll in harmless, light sided non-costumes. A crown, a cape, something like that without being anything specific. I'll gladly donate."

Xander came back alone, looking sweaty and tired. He flopped down beside Bucky pouting. "Her god told her I'm not the one he was expecting. He had seen another me in another realm, and her sometimes with me, and thought we'd be a great high priest couple but then he realized I'm more chaotic than he wanted so she's not allowed to date me or use me to have the future high priestesses she wanted."

"Is that because the higher beings over you were about to up a hurricane so it was worse? That way you'd all screw?" Stark asked.

"Stark!" Sam complained.

Xander looked at him. "That's unusually nice for them. Why do they want me to have sex instead of destroying me this time?" Everyone stared at him. "The PTB *loathe* me, guys. They're against me dying in any manner that might make anyone remember me fondly. Why do they want me to get happy?" He tipped his head back. "Do I have to summon?" he called. Cordelia appeared, nodding, then disappeared. He sighed and got up to get chalk, putting down marks on the porch with it. He looked up. Then stepped into the circle. Whistler appeared, already wincing. "They wanted me to have sex why?"

"Because the slayers are following you and turning too wild."

"Most of them are living in wild areas. That's the natural life there."

"You know how they are," he complained then flinched when lightening went off.

"That's probably Thor."

"He's mythical, kid."

"He's the really tall blond guy who helped with the invasion, Whistler. Guy with the hammer? That's Thor. He's here in the building. The stuff Anya did to me makes me really sensitive when one's around. That's how I knew Loki was really not pleased I wasn't like that other me. Is it a bad thing when a chaos god thinks you're too chaosy?"

"Probably. Can't you calm down?"

"I haven't done anything wacky and wild in months." He pointed at the bandages. "Protection marks. That way I don't have to henna them on again."

"Oh." He sighed. "I'll try."

"I'm not screwing to stop a hurricane. They'll still kill people and they'll still blame us even if we were screwing when it started. Humanity's like that." He grinned. "But I can wish another higher power join. I'm kinda mad at Loki for interrupting my fun." Whistler went pale and shook his head slowly. Xander smirked. "You sure?" He nodded. "Fine. If she wanted me, she'd hit on me. She hasn't even flirted with me so I'm pretty sure I'm not her type. Beyond that, having a mate, a true mate, means they'd be beside me doing all the weird things. I'd just get cuddles afterward."

Whistler slumped. "I can point that out but they're going to hate it."

"Bring me with you then."

"I can't do that. You're corporeal."

"I can meditate. I did get taught by shaman." He walked out of the circle and sat down, dropping pretty easily into that state. Then he went on a dream walk, smirking at Whistler. Whistler moaned but brought him up there. Xander walked over to something and smashed the crystal ball. "You're looking in the wrong realm again," he said slowly and clearly when they stared at him. "Dumbasses. I had another vision with a slayer who died over a century ago and everyone riding deer. We're not elves or dwarves, we drive cars." They all glared. Inana put down freezing spells so they couldn't stop him.

Xander walked over to something and broke all the other balls too. "Clearly, you guys were smoking the bad drugs when you made them so redo them." He smashed one last one and then found the switch behind it, switching it back to 'on'. "There, that should help." They all stared as the lights came up and things started to show the right realm and the right people. "See? If you had looked, you could've stopped stuff."

"Unless you want to die of an STD, shut up," one of them sneered.

Xander smirked. "Disease charm due to Anya, sweetie. Because you guys wanted her to be a ho around me." He smiled. "Though I'm a bit upset that Loki decided I'm a bit too chaosy and not like the one he had seen in that other realm that had dated his high priestess. I could've settled down with her. Had a *true* mate. Because, you guys forgot the hyena." He grinned. "Matriarchs don't share." He waved a hand. "Hurricanes aren't romantic and we'd be blamed even if we were screwing when it started. Humanity is full of assholes who hate us for saving them. I'm not going to put myself into that, even if I'm fantastic in bed and Darcy would soar for weeks from my tongue. The girl deserves someone more her type than I am since she didn't even flirt with me. Remember, only dangerous ones like me."

"Your next one might try to kill you," Cordelia warned.

Xander looked at her and shrugged. "How is that different?" She slumped. He grinned. "I finally figured out where that came from when we were cleaning out all the stuff left in the 'Dale. I found the little stairwell to the shrine I accidentally fell into when I was a kid. It's to some chaos god I can't recognize. I'm guessing since it felt like home, he did it." She slumped, staring at him. He grinned. "I was like four. Jesse and I were playing hide and seek and I remember spotting a door I hadn't seen so tried it because it might go to a basement." She moaned and turned to kick a wall. "Right underneath that defunct demon clinic too."

"Stop. Please?" she begged. She went to look and came back. "It is a chaos god and not a native one." She looked at Inana. "I think it's from your realm."

She read Cordelia's memories. "Next one over. Sweet." She kissed Xander and smiled. "You're being naughty and worrying people."

"Bucky's seen me go dream walking before."

"Hmm." She stroked his cheek, reading his mind. "That's slightly evil, love. Where did you find that?"

"Which that?" She showed him. "Oh! When we were walking on the beach and I had to rescue that turtle demon? That's the portal he was stuck in." She moaned. He grinned. "Apparently I'm like a magnet for that."

"Yes, you are." She kissed him. "Go back to your body and we'll rescind the 'you must mate' order." He smirked and disappeared after one last kiss. She sighed, sitting down with her sword against her arm. "That man is too damn good at that."

"I didn't get to find out. We never went that far," Cordelia complained. "Buffy was right, Angel wasn't bad but I've seen Xander's lovers beg. Why?"

"Tongue. Things," Inana said with a smile. She shared the memories with the poor, deprived girl. Cordelia moaned and shivered as she got off. That broke most of the chains binding her to the PTB. She smirked. "Maybe you can find out some day. Go tell the boy to go over his storage area with Bucky so they can find whichever radiating artifact he has mis-stored." She went to do that. Whistler got healed by her. "They're sorry they're petty and idiots. Go rest, Whistler." He bowed and left them to talk. She looked at the hissing quartet of higher beings. "Now that we're sure we're on the right realm, what are we looking at first? The upcoming apocalypse battles or the current slayers so you actually realize who's presently alive and called?"

They stomped off. She did those readings and made notes then plans. Those ones, they didn't need to plan things and she could easily take over since they hadn't turned their seats off. She sat in each one to consolidate it with her own, then moved her seat to the high seat and sat down, making changes. The slayers didn't need that much work and a few of the most troublesome demons could go home.

***

Xander woke up and got up to stretch, wincing some as the new tattoos pulled. "Better. Maybe now we'll have less crackhead moments." He looked inside, noticing it was dark, so he disappeared. He was free! He could go have fun in a club while looking like a dork who couldn't dance. Like normal when he was out to have fun and not hunt. He ran into the same chaos mage and shrugged when she glared at him. "I'm just here to get down. Didn't know you'd be here." He went out onto the floor anyway. It was her pouty thing. No god or goddess had ever told him to get off a lover. Maybe that's why he didn't pray to one.

Locasta Beldane sighed in displeasure. She still wanted that man but her god had sworn he'd abandon her if she went there again. She knew a little bit of fantastic sex wasn't worth it, but Xander as a whole was the mate she wanted and needed to center her. A new man walked in and she sneered at the little chaos punk. He walked over to her and kissed her hand. "No. Not even if he himself said so. You're not worthy and you're not strong enough."

He sulked but went to get a drink at the bar. She sent up a nasty prayer to her god because she didn't need some young pup to raise up. That one was barely out of his teenage years. She was better than that and he was a weakling. He'd never be a good partner, she'd have to do all the work and they'd be off-center during dual castings. She heard Xander yelp and smirked some. Someone must have hit one of the new tattoos. He came back and flopped down across from her with his drink, pouting. "I can't have you."

"I'm not here about that. I'm getting away from the three succuba who want to rip the new protections open." He sipped his drink, a regular soda. "I think it'd be really rude of me to behead them in here."

"Probably," she agreed, staring at him. "He sent someone." She flicked a finger at the guy.

Xander looked and snorted, then smirked and waved at him. "Hi." The guy's eyes went wide and he shook his head then fled the club and hopefully the reality. "The douchebag?"

"Yeah." She sighed. "I need a man like you that he'll like."

"Not really any other guys like me, Loki."

"Locasta. I hate being compared to her."

He smirked. "You're just as strong as he is."

"Not really."

"Have you seen him? You're physically and mentally stronger. Stark said he's more broken than not."

"That's sad." She pouted. "But he's my god and I gave myself to him."

Xander nodded. "Well, maybe you're his anti-psych drug then." She smiled at him for that compliment. "We can still be friends, Locasta. I'm into friends with my ex's. I'm friends with most of them, outside a few one-night stands that were me being desperate."

"We can do that," she agreed. "Why come here?"

"First club I saw."

"Oh. We are right down from your house."

He nodded. "You can tell him you know you're the one on this realm because on that realm, Hawaii had protections. The you there couldn't get back onto the island. Also, scrying over there, they now have dragons and shit." She stiffened. He nodded. "Someone created a bad thing that created more magical infusion."

"Oh, shit. I know what spell they used."

"Just don't here. I'll have to help clean it up. Though, if you did it in New York, I'm sure they'd like the herd of unicorns and stuff." She burst out laughing, swatting him on the arm. "Hey!" He grinned at her. "Some of the witches in Kate's school are still trying to turn her into a centaur."

"She'd make a pretty filly but that'd give her more excuse to kick them too." She grinned. "So naughty. Thank you, Xander." She banished the succuba as she kissed him on the cheek. "Go get happy that you're not being protected."

"I like him. He's a buddy."

"He is but you're still alone."

"Yes I am," he said with a wicked grin. "No one to complain about how I dance." He got up and went out there to go back to letting it all go again.

She got up and went home, much happier now. She could be friends with Xander without sleeping with him. Though now she knew why Inana had went to sleep for a week by the reports out by her former home. She checked on her and found the 'ascended' message, moaning in pleasure. Such chaos and her true mate had done it. She was so proud of him.

***

Bucky made sure he had everything he'd need to help Xander sort out his demented storage area. Including stuff to cover any artifacts they found and to note what they were. He looked up. "Xander?" he called. No answer for a few minutes. He was about to call again when a disheveled and sweaty Xander showed up doing up his pants, his t-shirt between his teeth. Bucky blinked. "Go take a shower. You smell like a whorehouse."

Xander blinked at him. "Sorority chicks. They thought they'd cure the gay." He smirked a tiny bit. "I told them it didn't work that way. They wanted to become maenads." He pulled on his t-shirt. "I'm good and now awake. What's up?"

"Whistler popped by to tell me to help you clean up your storage area. Something's leaking. Go shower." He pointed.

"I'm good. I'll be getting sweaty and dusty anyway. It's just sweat since I'm a faithful condom user." He felt someone behind him and nodded at Steve. "I got summoned."

"From what? A nest of succuba?"

"No, Locasta banished them from the club when they tried to ruin the new protections."

"Shower, Xander," Steve said. "It's disrespectful."

"He usually only calls for really bad things. I was expecting a huge demon he didn't recognize, not a call to go do physical labor." Bucky gave him a shove in the direction of the bathroom. "Let me go home for a few to get clean clothes too." He sighed but did that. Then back there as soon as he was dressed. "The witches are frantic that I clean that out. They ganged up on me to send me back faster. Didn't even let me have coffee. Thankfully I think I sent the old camping stuff there." He took Bucky's hand and Bucky's bag of stuff in one hand. "Okay already." They disappeared.

Bucky looked at the small warehouse of stuff. Mostly boxed stuff. He sighed in displeasure. "Where's the probable area of artifacts?" Xander shrugged. "How do you put stuff in here?"

"I send it through the little box thing I carry with me." He pointed at the end. "Then Andrew charmed an imp to move it for me. Mr. Impy Imp?" he called. It appeared, looking miserable. "I haven't been traveling. He got told to find a leaking artifact and where did you put the holiday presents?"

The imp led them to each of them. Xander sorted out a bunch of stuff for presents. Bucky's little necklace to detect magic, a birthday present from Andrew, lit up on a few of them when he came over Xander took those out of the sorting piles. "You need an inventory," Bucky complained. "Three things were leaking."

"Sorry?"

"No, they were broken."

"Oops." He shrugged then grimaced. "There's worse out there. I really should try to tame the rug again."

"Give it to Natasha. She could like it." Xander looked at him. "She might. It's protective."

"It is." He gathered up the box of presents and walked that way. The storage cube full of artifacts made Bucky's pendant light up so brightly he covered it so he could see around the glow. Xander had to climb up to get the rug folded, which made it fall. Once it was suitably folded he put it onto the box too. Then he poked around in there, looking for something specific. That went under the rug into the box. "Thanks, Mr. Impy Imp. We'll be back sometime. Good work."

"Can you do an inventory?" Bucky asked. It nodded and pointed at the clipboard on the wall. "Thanks. Some higher beings wanted to know what was in here." The imp grimaced but shrugged. "Can you send me a copy of that?" The imp nodded. "Thank you."

Xander took them back to the Council house. His box got put aside. "Presents," he warned. The witches and Andrew quit snooping. Bucky's box of broken artifacts got looked at and fixed. In one case resealed because it was leaking like a broken hellmouth in a pretty jewelry box. "I found that in the desert," Xander said. "It was where my truck got stuck because the tire blew."

Andrew looked at him. "That's a really weird and dangerous gift, Xander. Can't you give it back?"

"No. But I did find out where I got it from." He grinned. "There's a shrine under the defunct demon clinic. I remember hiding there when I was four." Andrew moaned, turning to gently thump his head against the fridge. "It was a great hiding spot. Still felt like home during the clean out."

Bucky looked at him. "Don't make me knock you out. Even though you do smell like succuba again."

Xander sniffed himself then looked at Bucky. "Are you sure it's me?"

"I don't touch them except to let them wear out magical surges that've been sent at me."

Xander sniffed himself again. "Maybe the succuba did something last night." Andrew came over to drag Xander to the working room so he could demagic him again. Two curses and a blessing later and he was better. He nearly fell into the magically hidden room of mystical weapons that no one had been able to find for six months but he was better. "Maybe it removed Anya's thing that kept Asgardian things from me?" he suggested when a dagger floated out to follow him.

"Maybe," Andrew agreed. He couldn't grab the dagger, his hand passed through it. "Let's get you nearer to Thor." He took him and Bucky, giving him a visual order to fix Xander again before disappearing. He went to make himself some coffee and go sit in Xander's treehouse. He had such a headache.

Xander looked at Thor. "My ex Anyanka put a protection on me so I wouldn't screw up her specially blessed necklace she wore to the prom. We think Andrew just removed it by accident."

Thor grabbed the dagger, nodding. "Perhaps." He looked at his hammer, who was quivering. Xander stepped away. "Can we ask her how she did it?"

"If you want to go into the hellmouth to talk to her shade."

"Not particularly. I'll see if anyone might know of it," Thor said.

Cordelia appeared, handing over a scroll. "Don't go see Sarabetta for a while. Okay? She's near a mystical artifact and you might set it off." She disappeared.

"Not my fault," Xander complained. "It's probably a punishment for staying friends with Locasta."

"Probably not," she said. "That was the turning you into an incubus curse. Thankfully that's ended too."

Thor shook his head, looking at the spell. "I do not do magic." Andrew showed up to do that one. The hammer quit getting wobbly about Xander and the dagger went limp in Thor's hand. "Thank thee, Andrew."

"Welcome, Thor. He has this strange gift to fall into weird things." He handed over the box he had grabbed. Then he disappeared.

Xander looked at the rug, looking at Bucky. "We'll have to set it to her." He went to find Natasha. He started to unfold it when Bucky walked her back into the living room. "In the center." She stood in the center and he unfolded the last few corners. It wiggled and moved, making her change her stance. Then it went limp and one edge rubbed against her leg. "It likes you." He looked at Thor, shrugging. "I'm about to go check on all the minis. After I set up presents." He disappeared to his house.

Natasha looked at the rug. "It's very finely woven. Just a few snags that can be smoothed over." The rug rubbed her again. "Thank you, rug." She got off it and rolled it up with Clint's help to take to her room. It would look wonderful in her living room. It nearly moaned once it was in place and the coffee table was back in place. "Too much weight?" It rubbed her frantically and went quiet again. "I take it you like it. Good. You look nice in here." She looked at Clint, who was grinning at her. "It seems to be as smart as you are." He bopped her on the arm but walked off grinning. Natasha clipped a few threads that were sticking up but the rug looked much better. "There, more handsome." No sound. "Did I break you?" It patted her. "That's fine." She sat down to read for a bit. The rug liked that, shifting closer to her. So apparently she had a pet rug now. It was an interesting present the boys had given her.


TBC....
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