Darrien came out of the bedroom Xander had put Darcy in. He put his hands on his hips and stared up at his father. "We can't let her go back, Dad."
"That's not up to us, it's up to her," Xander said quietly, pulling him closer to give him a hug. "If she wants to stay up here and help me with the slayers, she's more than welcome."
Darrien blinked at his father. "Could you maybe flirt with her?" he asked, staring in his father's eye. "Please?"
Xander grinned. "Do you want me to flirt with her because you think she'd make a great stepmom or because you think it'll make her stay?"
"She'd make a super stepmom. She can cook and she's smart. She's pretty. She's neat and likes the same comics I do," he said with a sigh at the end. "If you don't flirt with her, I will be."
Xander smiled at Darcy over his head, winking at her. She smiled back. "You can flirt, Darrien, but you're too young for me and I won't be as pretty when you're old enough for a great woman to be yours." She leaned down to kiss him on the head.
"Could you maybe flirt with Dad? Just to try it out?"
"We'll see where that goes. Right now I'm not in much shape to flirt with anyone."
The kid sighed but nodded, shifting over to cuddle her. "I think it'd be the neatest ever." She cuddled him. They all looked up at the noise. "That's a jet like Uncle Phil's."
"I hope it's not Coulson," Darcy said. "I might end up punching him again." Xander looked at her. "Steve had told him I *consorted*. The same as the idiot earlier got told. It was in the file."
"Fuck 'em," Xander said in Latin. His son snorted. "You, go do Latin lessons?"
"Why?" he whined.
"Because you're being home schooled so learning never stops," he whined back with a smirk. "Besides, if that's someone we have to smack around you don't need to know how to do that yet."
"Fine," he muttered, climbing over Darcy's arm to grab his books and go to his room. "Darcy, you can come help."
"I need to see if it's someone I can smack around," she said. "I'll help after dinner." He grinned, going into his room to dance happily. They could tell he was because he didn't close the door. "Is that the snoopy dance?" she asked with a grin for Xander.
"I taught him. It's my happy dance too." She smiled. He got up when the jet landed, looking outside. "They're here for you." She stiffened. "Not that way, Darcy. I see Thor." She relaxed, sighing in displeasure. "I can send them away."
"Jane would gut you with a rusty spork." She got up to answer the door. "Hi, Thor." He picked her up to cuddle her. "I'm okay. Xander saved me."
"Thank thee for saving the one who is like my sister," Thor said.
Xander nodded back. "Get in here before you let in all the cold. Darrien claims the cold is why he's short. He had an NBA phase last month. You can come in too, Hawkeye."
Darrien popped out and ran over, glaring at Thor. "You better not hurt her. I'll protect Darcy and I know where my daddy's sword is."
Thor smiled at him. "I would never harm Lady Darcy. She is like a sister to me."
"I have no idea what that means. I'm an only child." Thor laughed and picked him up to cuddle as well.
Xander let the others in and closed the door. "Ladies, we have guests," he yelled. "Do not come downstairs without being fully dressed."
"Yes, Xander," a few females called.
One leaned down the stairs, head popping around the corner wall. "You know I can't do that. I'm borrowing your shirts because the heathen bratling I'm carrying is so huge."
"Did you check the mail to see if the stuff we ordered is in yet?" he countered.
"Oops. Knew I forgot something." She ran back upstairs. "Someone zipline to the mailbox! Thor's here!"
Eira bounded down the stairs, shaking her head. "Sorry, we have two injured and a pregnant slayer here right now for protecting. Darcy, if you need clothes I can let you bum some."
"I packed her a bag," Jane said, handing it over. Xander built the fire up higher since Clint was shivering. "Thank you, Xander."
"Welcome." He smiled. "Thor, there's a couch right there and it should fit you three." He nodded and sat down.
Fandral smiled and held out a hand. "Fandral. One of the Warriors Three."
Xander grinned, shaking it. "Xander Harris, White Knight to the Slayers and savior of D'hallan." Fandral stared at him oddly. So was Thor. Darcy giggled. So did Darrien.
"Was that the place with the blue people, Dad?" Darrien asked.
"No. The one with the nuns in purple with sparkly stuff." He shrugged. "One of the nuns summoned help. They got us. He was only about two then."
Fandral cleared his throat. "How did you beat that beast?"
"Rolled up newspaper." He grinned. "It was a dog! I treated it like a bad dog." He shrugged, heading for the kitchen. "I'm putting on coffee since some of you look chilly."
"Thank you," Clint said quietly. He looked at her. "Thor nearly threw Steve off the patio."
She looked up at Thor. "You might need him for a battle."
"Mayhap. Mayhap not. We can keep Fandral here to take his place. He's prettier too." Darcy smiled at that, giving him another cuddle. She pulled Jane down to cuddle her too.
Darrien looked at the ladies then at Thor. "They're both yours?" he asked with a pout. "I was hoping Dad and Darcy would get along. She'd make a really neat and great stepmom."
"She would, and she's more than worthy of your affection," Thor said, giving him a squeeze. "Most men only need one woman and Jane is more than enough for me."
"Cool! That means I can flirt with her." He grinned at Darcy, getting his ear tweaked. "Darcy!"
She leaned over to kiss him on the head. "Latin?" He pouted but went to do that. She went back to being cuddled by the couple. "Are you okay? I figure they got you too."
"They did," Jane agreed. "They got the ones holding me and Leo in traffic. Did they hurt you a lot?"
"Hit me a few times. I bit one extra hard. Then I bit him again and ripped his shirt. He whined about it being Gucci."
Jane snorted. "What a princess." Darcy nodded. "The vampires Natasha said were there?"
"They had decided I *consorted*. They brought two in to taunt me. Were probably going to hurt my supposed friends. When I told them I had gotten compelled and they were pathetic, he let the male vampire in to taunt me and I told him he'd better die. And they had better kill me because if I got free they'd be dead fucks. I'd find some way."
Jane gave her a squeeze. "I'd help. Jemma too. She built a new gun to kill them with." Darcy smiled. "So we've come up to check on you for a few days."
"Thanks, Jane."
"You're welcome. I'm just glad Xander could get there. Stark and Natasha got there twenty minutes later and there's no telling how bad it would be." Darcy sank into her chest so she cuddled and rubbed her back. "We need to make sure they can't come for you again."
"Done," Xander quipped. "Don't tempt me to go more evil."
Darrien leaned his head out of his room, looking toward the kitchen. "Are we going to ransom someone for chocolate again or are you really going evil, Dad?"
"Really going evil." He leaned back and smirked. "I don't need to ransom someone for chocolate. Willow sends it to me so I don't warp the slayers." His son grinned and went back to his homework. Xander smirked at them. "Someone nicely delivered those bodies to their people." He went back to cooking. "We're having veggies and elk."
"Sure," Jane agreed. "Meat is good. Thank you, Xander."
"Welcome. Did you guys check the weather? I think we're due for a storm."
"Thor can calm it down if he needs to," Clint said. "Fandral, there's a seat here," he said with a point. He sat down and got comfortable next to the fire.
Xander came out with coffee and muffins. "How's Sif, Thor?"
"She's good. I saw her recently when someone in need summoned a young warrior in training. Himar did good beating them herself."
"That's great." He grinned and went back into the kitchen. "Tell Sif I said hi."
"How do you know Sif?" Fandral asked when Xander came back with tea and coffee fixings.
"She and I have arm wrestled and stuff a few times when we ran into each other. Last time we wrestled for who got the foe of the moment." Fandral's mouth fell open and a tiny squeaky noise came out of it. He grinned. "Someone there asked me to please take out the thing bothering their farm animals. Someone else had asked Sif."
"I had not heard about that," Thor said, staring at his oldest friend.
Fandral quit gaping in awe and closed his mouth, swallowing some coffee. "You are the one that soaped her armor."
Xander grinned. "You bet I am." He handed him sugar. Fandral put some into his cup and stirred it. He let Thor doctor his own coffee then the others. "I met Sif about six years ago, Thor. We've worked at the same battle a few times."
"You've been to Asgard," Thor said.
"Yeah, and heard a lot about it from my former fiancee before she died. Anyanka always loved the jealous girls up there. They had some really creative wishes."
Thor blinked. "You dated.... Oh." Xander smirked. "Did you marry?"
"Nearly. I got shown how bad it would be for her. How miserable I would've made her. So I walked away on our wedding day. She got her powers back but then gave them up again when she realized she had a conscience and compassion."
Thor swallowed some coffee. "That is indeed a strong pairing." Xander smiled and pointed at a picture. "That is her. My mother once had to banish her to save one of their guards."
"Sif said she had to do one to save a friend too," Xander quipped. "She recognized me from Anya's last picture."
"Ah." He took another drink of coffee. Darcy was giggling. "She was a feared being," he told her. "She helped women scorned."
"She was the vengeance demon for women scorned," Xander agreed. Darcy shivered. "I did find out that one of her last curses is still going. He's still the only flush toilet in his village and area. There's actually people who travel to see him."
"She did what?" Fandral asked quietly.
"The guy beat his wife for not putting the seat back up for him. So her wish turned him into the only flush toilet in the area." Fandral shuddered and shrank in on himself.
Eira came down the stairs. "Don't worry, most of us slayers are better than that. With the exception of the princess patrol and the two hos." She went into the kitchen, coming out with coffee. "I sent Moira to check the mail and the barns on the way back. It's just starting to snow." She smiled. "Hi, Agent Barton."
"Just Mr. Barton. I didn't hire back on."
"Great." She smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "For saving two slayers last month." She walked off. They all heard the squeal. "Moira's clothes are in," she quipped before going upstairs.
"It's not her fault the baby she's carrying is huger than a giant," he quipped back.
"No, he was tall but not that tall," Eira shot back. "I should know, I'm the one that caught them together the last time, before he ran off to join the Mounties." She shook her head up the staircase. Moira ran in and they saw a flash of pale skin, large stomach, and dark hair zip past.
"Don't you dare start running on the stairs," Xander called. "Your doc would be horrified!"
"Oops," she called. "Didn't want to make a bad impression though."
Darrien looked out. "They know what girls are so I doubt you're being too bad. Dad would spank you."
"Latin," Xander said with a grin and a point. "And yes I will. Or you." Darrien squealed and ran back to his homework.
Jane laughed. "He's sweet, Xander."
"He tries *really* hard," he said dryly.
Darcy shook her head, smiling at him. "He's always been a sweet little guy around me."
"Didn't he bring you a flower during that event?" Clint asked. Darcy smiled and nodded. "He also kissed my ex's hand and called her beautiful, Xander."
"Awww. Someone taught him charm." He shook his head quickly. "Where did he get a flower?"
"No idea," Darcy said. "But it was sweet."
"It was," Xander agreed. "I have no idea who taught him that."
"Someone taught him well," Fandral said. "I've gotten many women by being that sweet."
"With who I've dated, I'm almost afraid of who he'll date," Xander said.
"Dad, I'd never date someone like Anya was. She was mean and loud. I like mean and quiet and sweet like Darcy," Darrien called.
Darcy giggled. "I'm not quiet, Darrien. I talk a lot and I usually have music on."
"I love music and Dad likes to dance to music. That works really well for us."
"Pushy," Xander warned but he was smiling.
"Darrien, sweetie, there's got to be a lot of dating before anyone becomes a stepmom, even me. You have to date and talk and learn to like each other."
He came out to stare at her. "I can be babysat really easily by Eira. You two can date. Do you like farm stuff? We have one here. I'd like us to move somewhere closer to warm weather but we have goats and they're kinda nice. We have sheep. They're dumb. The cows are just as dumb. The chickens are even worse but they taste good." She leaned over to hug him. "I like you. You need to stay."
"We'll see. We were hoping Darcy would be coming back with us as Jane needs her," Thor told him.
Darrien blinked then smiled. "That'd do good for both sides. We'd get warmer weather most of the time and she could still work with Miss Jane." Xander huffed and rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "Dad, boys like me weren't meant to be in the snow. I come from equatorial Africa. There's no snow there."
"I can drop you off there if you want," Xander said dryly.
"Ewww. No thank you. I might have to eat lizards again." He grimaced.
Eira bounded down the stairs with a letter. "Xander, letter from Kenya." She handed it over while looking at Darrien. "You didn't mind the lizards. It was the ants you hated."
"Yup, I did." He blinked up at Darcy with a hopeful smile. "You cook nice stuff."
"I do. I have no idea how to cook lizards or ants. Your dad would have to teach me." Darrien cheered and bounced around.
"Stop it," Xander said. Darrien ran back to his room. "Thanks, Eira. Call the girls down there and warn them." She took it to read then walked off shaking her head. "Don't tell Giles."
"Bullshit, Xander. We're going to tell all the girls. That way the freaky zealots can't get us." Clint leaned over to snatch the letter and sent a message to someone. She smiled at him. "Thanks for the help."
"I told my ex, who is still SHIELD, and my partner, who is another Avenger."
She looked him over and winked. "Too bad you're taken, prettiness. A slayer could use a guy like you." She strolled up the stairs because Xander had just groaned. "A girl's got needs," she quipped.
"Go pet a goat," Xander called after her. "Or buy things to help with that. You have worse taste than I do. I had to make the last one lame to get him off you."
"Whatever."
Darcy burst out giggling. "You're good with the girls, Xander."
"I try but they do drive me nuts." He rolled his eye and looked up. He looked at Thor. "Did you know your father tried to ban the slayers from Asgard and helping with an upcoming battle?" Fandral sat up, staring at him. "He did try. I'm sorry I sicced Buffy on him but if your realm falls it's too close to this one."
"Most of us would welcome the help, even from slayers," Fandral said. Thor stared at him. "I had heard we may have one soon. Not when it would come or that Odin had restricted who would help us."
Xander smiled. "I sent Buffy up to talk to him. She's the senior slayer."
"Is she tiny, blonde, and mouthy?" Fandral asked. Xander smiled and nodded. "They did meet. Odin walked away from it groaning and she quipped her warriors would gladly come up to help their warriors plus hit on the cute guys. Then she groped a guard's arm." Thor shook his head. "Odin actually asked her what a slayer could do. She took down three of his guards and nearly got Odin himself but he looked amused. He agreed the girls could come help if they wished, but he would rather they not flirt as our lifespans are so different."
"They can be," Xander said. "At least the slayers last a lot longer now," he sighed. "It used to be about a year after being called." Fandral and Thor both winced. "Exactly. Now the oldest one has been doing it for twelve years. Though she has died twice."
Darcy looked at him. "Faith hasn't and she's only been doing it two and a half years less."
"Faith's been doing it for eleven. We don't count the six months where Buffy was dead. She's pretty normal but she's not exactly diplomatic so we don't let her go talk to people like Odin."
"Is she the pretty, mouthy brunette?" Fandral asked. Xander smiled and nodded. "Himar and the other trainee warriors got to spar against her and she paddled one of the ego-driven males well. He now cannot sit but has less ego because a pretty young woman has beaten him so badly plus paddled him."
"Sounds like Faith, yup." He grinned. "Did she teach the young warriors anything beyond how to spank someone?"
"Much. Sif and the trainers were nagging them so she stepped out to prove what a real warrior could do. Sif was much amused at her and they shared a dinner to talk about their battles. Though Faith had to beat many warriors off her behind."
"Great, she had fun. Faith needs more time to be pretty and admired for her skills."
Thor shook his head. "I would like to meet the senior slayers to test myself against them."
"Come to the next battle's planning sessions, Thor. It's in six months."
"The one on Asgard?"
"Early next year by the visions," Xander said. "I hate visions."
"They are useful," Thor said.
"They give me migraines," Xander said. "Some worse than others."
Thor stared. "You have visions?"
Xander pointed at the eyepatch. "Having the eye popped opened that skill somehow. I *so* hate visions."
"We hate them too," Eira called. "We can bring Thor and Lord Fandral to the battle planning for the next one. We're doing the pre-planning in two days. Buffy and Faith are back. Faith called all the warriors sweetly cute but not naughty enough and Buffy apparently drooled on Loki and a few others."
"Loki died," Thor said, standing up to stare up the stairs.
"Dark hair, just younger than you, skinny little dork wizard in green?" Thor nodded once. "Better known as sitting in your dad's spot." Thor glared. She shrugged. "Buffy's sunglasses can see through illusions and Willow was up there. She nearly got smote. Is that the right tense?" He nodded slightly. "Loki had a bad reaction to her and ended up showing himself when she nearly had him eaten."
"I'm going to kick her ass," Xander said. "Who let Willow go?"
"She showed up because she couldn't find Buffy by scrying," Eira said. She stared at Thor, pulling up that email. "Him?"
"That is Loki," he said coolly. "He was impersonating our father?"
"Yeah. From what Buffy said. She also said he's hot and could be a real good addition to the Council."
"He tried to take over both our worlds," Thor said. "He was behind that invasion."
"Yeah, Spike's an evil thing too," she said dryly. "Buffy only likes predatory guys." She shrugged. "So you might need to buy a wedding present. It's not stated but I'm pretty sure Willow kidnaped him for Buffy and presented him when they got home." Xander moaned. "So yeah, probably need a present."
Xander got up to lean up there. "Huh?" She handed over her phone with the email. He read it. "That's it, Willow's doing it again. Willow Goddamn Rosenburg!" No answer but a new email saying she wasn't answering him. He was overreacting. She was solving problems and Loki made a good Buffy boyfriend, much better than her going back to Spike. He sighed, handing back the phone. "I'll...have someone go rescue him I guess," he told Thor. "I'm sorry. Willow has no sense."
"Clearly," Thor agreed. "If Loki is happy with her, it would be a good thing for him to help with."
"Buffy will break him, Thor. She'll break him really hard and he'll cry." Clint burst out giggling. Xander came back to the couch, sitting back down. "Who?"
"Stark, who said to leave him there. It served him right for having the earth invaded."
"I don't like using Buffy as a punishment," Xander said. "I do use Willow as an example of not having sense, but I don't like to use them that way. Besides, it's *mean*. Bordering on evil."
Thor sat back down and hugged Jane. "We will have to see if she's happy with him."
"She'll be happy as long as he's good in bed," Xander said. "Her last few were pathetic and the last time she had a good one it was the dumbass from the Initiative. Who I nearly ran over when I spotted him the last time." He grinned at Darcy. "We need to make sure he doesn't come near you. They might want Jane for her research too and he's in Homeland now."
"Homeland didn't have that many hidden HYDRA agents," Clint said.
"Oh, no, not HYDRA, Barton. Initiative. It's an old, closed program our team ended back in Sunnydale. That's his permanent work assignment until someone else lends him."
Clint looked that up. "Riley Finn? He's linked to Buffy's file in Homeland."
"Yup. Head weenie of a bag and tag team."
Clint read and then looked up. "They're still around?"
"They wouldn't let us feed them to the their victims. Riley turned evidence but then they put him on a hunting squad a few months later. A few months of him sucking on Buffy and feeding vamps for the thrill factor."
Clint smirked and sent that file to Stark with a pleasant note. Stark sent back a 'no way in hell' in all capital letters. "Stark doesn't like that idea and he's not sure HYDRA didn't fund them."
"No, the prez funded them with the Army. They were all Rangers." Clint added that. The next email that came in was full of swearing. "He not happy?"
"Oh so happy," Clint said with a smile. "Know anything about AIM?"
"Two ex's. One of each. Both weapons geeks and I was blatantly using them to get stuff for the girls. Worst sex I've ever had and I was giving oral sex so that's pathetic."
Clint blinked and smiled. "Who?" Xander got up to get a journal off a shelf and let him see it. "Awww, we've been looking for them."
Xander pointed at one. "Pathetic. Truly pathetic. Just kind of laid there and hummed." He grimaced. "But I got the laser cannon I needed for that battle." He sat down. "One of them wants to adopt Darrien so they can train him properly and make him a better weapons geek. They decided on that after he threw a knife at that other one because he woke him up."
Darcy looked at him. "You're bi?"
He nodded. "I'm bi. Found that out later but yeah." She hugged him. "Thank you, sweetie."
"You're welcome." She grinned. "Now if only you didn't live somewhere this cold."
"Fandral, toss another log on the fire? She is chilled." He got up to get her one of his sweaters and a blanket to huddle under with Jane. Fandral built the fire up higher and Clint had to move because he was too warm. The girls were complaining they were warm too but oh well. "Thanks." He tucked the blanket around them, letting them cuddle and Darcy drift off finally. Thor smiled at him. "I could easily fall for her. I always did adore snarky women." He sat down and looked at Clint. "Tell Natasha yet? One of the Initiative people was her trainee from rumors going around."
"Yup." He grinned. "I sent the last one to her and Stark. Plus Bucky."
"Barnes?" Xander demanded. "Someone finally freed him?" Clint nodded slowly, staring at him. "Wow. We heard rumors that they had brought him back out for something. Great job, man."
"Steve, not me."
"Figures."
"You knew who he was?"
"Yeah, I caught him during his last outing five years ago. He looks just like the guy in the history books and I only paid attention to the pictures." He shrugged. "Our history teacher had a major crush on Captain Asshole and his team. Well, mostly one of his team. So we got six weeks of learning about the Howling Commandos, two days of World War II, and incidental things on Rogers. And then the Mayor found out and had her killed right after that for liking heros." He shrugged. "They found her in her car with questionable sexual material and pictures of her crush. Clearly faked since she had been shot, and there wasn't a gun, but it was Sunnydale so no one looked that hard."
Clint stared, mouth open. "Seriously?"
"Yeah. Seriously. She had a huge hard-on for the French guy."
Clint smiled and sent that email to Bucky, who sent back one. "Bucky said you still owe him dinner?"
"I promised if he let me have the asshole I was hunting and he wanted out of his way I'd buy him dinner. I can do that."
"Next time you're in town." He sent that and shook his head. Jane was quietly giggling against Darcy's hair but that was a good thing. He got another message. "Barnes said that the Canadians hate slayers."
"Every government hates the slayers and the Council," Xander said dryly. "Canada's no exception. We fight things that give people nightmares. Beyond that, the new Prime Minister is a reactionary jackass and I've already told him we'd gladly let him cover his own country. He refused that generous offer for us to go to the Bahamas to work." He smiled. "They hate us a lot but don't want to do it on their own."
Clint nodded. "We got a lot of that as Avengers."
"Even warrior cultures do that at times. They welcome you when you've done good and if you're just doing the normal things they hate you and want you to quit until the next big thing you could've stopped happens. They tried that in England, making the girls quit patrolling. In three weeks they had a vampire army in London," he said with a smile. "The girls there went 'I told you so' with a cheery wave at the people who were whining about it." Thor burst out laughing.
"They decided the girls can patrol, an officer can be assigned to help them patrol so they're protected and anything that they need to know is heard about and they kindly didn't mind when the girls set fire to the building full of vampires. Canada saw that and realized they had tried the same thing. Guess who never got bothered again about the weird harmful-mystical creature preserve."
"Harmful mystical creature preserve?" Clint asked.
"Yeah, some funny crossbreeds and a lot of dangerous things but they're in a wilderness preserve area of some kind one owns. The locals would like them to go but we got yelled at about not taking them out."
"If they're not hurting people then you shouldn't," Fandral said.
"They like to snack on the local towns," Xander admitted. "But then the higher ups said that they gave them the right to basically make it like tribal land so they're protected. Which put us in the middle and then the thing in London happened. They warned them to quit eating the locals or any caught would be killed. We taught the locals how to kill them, while they were watching." He grinned. "They haven't really snacked on the locals all that often recently."
Clint shook his head. "You do insane things."
"Yes I do," Xander agreed. "You're much too normal." Clint grinned and nodded back. He saw the sneaky one coming out. "Don't you dare steal food. There's a few extra muffins in the kitchen. You have manners better than I do. Mostly because Willow didn't teach them to you." Darrien ran into the kitchen to get a muffin then upstairs. He shook his head. "Sometimes I worry about him."
"You could send him to a normal school."
"I keep this safe haven because the girls need it. Though Giles has been nagging me about coming to take over the house on the hellmouth so he can go back to England. I told him living there was keeping him young and perky. He'd just go back to his huge manor house and die." He sipped his coffee. "The schools there suck plus I'd have to put up with Willow and Buffy."
"Let Buffy hold the safe area," Jane said.
"Buffy couldn't understand why we needed a greenhouse for growing veggies, Jane. She didn't think we'd need to grow anything ourselves, much less in a greenhouse. She showed up in the middle of February and still thought it'd be all pretty and green by March. She got trapped here until the middle of March and still thought we'd be able to plant in the regular ground pretty soon, but she had no idea why we would need to because there's grocery stores." Jane winced. "The farm animals would die of neglect and the girls would starve under Buffy. Sometimes the airhead is an act, sometimes....."
He sipped his coffee and looked up. "What?" he called. A note floated down to the floor. He sighed and caught it, looking at it. "Hmm. Willow thinks that something's going on since Captain America's talking to people about vampires." He looked up. "Yeah, he's finally getting his head pulled out of his ass since he thought being compelled was the same as willing. At least we hope he's finally getting his head out of his ass. Anything else?" Another note floated down. "Hell no you can't babysit. You're a judgmental bitch and you told my son I had raped his mother to get him. Fuck off, Willow." The feeling of being watched stopped. "Sorry. She's still not sorry for that."
"It can happen sometimes," Jane said. "Some women have no empathy and no sense." She sipped her coffee. "Thankfully I learned better."
"I thought most women knew better." Willow appeared, hands on her hips, huffy glare on her face. "What now?"
"You need to come home so Giles can go home for a bit."
"First, I don't like Cleveland. It's not home. Second, I don't want you near my son." She sneered. "Third, thank you for trying that. Some of her remaining family tried to get him to kill him again. We had to call back her shade to talk to the judge. He's had nightmares for months about that." He stood up. "You can run Cleveland if you want."
"Giles wanted you," she ground out.
He stared at her. "Then who's going to guard the vulnerable girls up here?" She huffed and stomped a foot. "Frankly, Giles and I talked last night about that. He'd really like me to take oversight of all the houses in the Americas. Which I can do from here but popping down there for battles. It's safer for my son and the girls that need hidden if they're injured."
"I can do that!"
"You can't farm for them so they eat." He stared at her. "You don't know how to plant a single thing. You don't know which end of a cow to milk and I'd hate to see you with the sheep doing the same thing."
"There's stores!" she said hotly.
He pointed. "Six hours that way, Willow. We're up here in the middle of nowhere because it's safer for the girls that have issues. Like Eira has a fire god after her. He's not coming up here. The pregnant ones all come up here while they're carrying because it's safer. Thankfully the traveling doc for the local tribes likes us." He stared at her. "I can lead from here for the most part and pop in for big things."
"The girls won't respect you anyway," she sneered.
"And whose fault is that, little Miss 'let me tell you about things'?" He stared at her. "The girls almost all respect me. All but you, Buffy, and Kennedy. The others have seen me in the same battles they were in doing the same amount of killing they did." She gasped, backing away. "For that matter, maybe you should read those files you doctored again, Willow. They might tell you something."
"You can't do that," she snorted. "You're normal."
"Yeah, and?" He shrugged. "The same normal guy that saved your ass a few times." She glared. "Now, would you kindly mind leaving my house?"
"It's Council's, not yours," she sneered, raising a hand.
"Considering I bought it, no it's not. I'm not going to fall into that trap." She pulled up magic. Thor and Fandral both stood up, with weapons in hand.
The pregnant slayer came down and slapped her as hard as she could. "Thank you for setting me off in early labor, bitch!" She poked Willow and made her back up. "You know damn well you're not supposed to be doing magic around the pregnant slayers! You could kill us! I didn't sign up for you when I became a slayer and I'll be damned if I'm going to go on patrol. And the rest of us have told the other girls." She sucked in a breath.
Xander got her sitting down and checked her stomach. "Darrien, call the doc."
"He's in Ottawa this week," Darrien called back. He came down the stairs. "I don't know why you want to be around me since you hate me so much because I'm half black," he sneered. "Bigoted bitch just like got your grandparents." She shrieked and tried to hit him but Xander's axe was suddenly blocking it and with he was going to remove the hand by the look on his face.
"Darrien, go help Darcy," he said quietly. Darrien slowly backed away. Xander moved closer to Willow. "So now you're trying to kill little kids and slayers? You're not a goddess. I've met a few of those and you're not worthy of that title, Willow. And the last few I found unworthy I killed." She disappeared in a flash of light. He looked up. "Ladies, let's go. She probably just fucked the roof."
"She did," Eira said, coming down putting on a jacket. "Can we magic it?"
"The coven? Take a slayer's side against Willow?" he asked dryly, staring at her.
The other two limped down. "I called. They said she's just pouty," one said. "When I pointed out she set one of the girls into early labor they said she didn't need to be pregnant."
"I can fly us," Clint said.
Xander looked at them. Then at Darrien. "Pack your go bag." He ran to do that. Eira did the same for them. "Eira, can it be fixed?"
"Yeah, in a few hours. She just knocked it off in one section. I can fix it. You sure?"
"Yeah, as soon as we get to civilization that fire god will show up."
"Point." She looked at them. "Go with her." They nodded, helping her up and out to the jet with the others. Darcy still had the blanket around her because she didn't have a winter coat up there. "Thank you," she told Clint quietly.
"I'd have killed her for him," he said.
She smiled. "Oh, he's going to have her ass. We just have to get that one somewhere good. She's already got a hypertension problem." She sighed as she went up to fix the roof. She was chatting with Faith while she worked.
***
Clint landed them on top of a hospital, getting the back door opened. "Hey," he told the staff.
Xander carried her down. "One of our slayers. The rogue witch Rosenburg did magic around her and set off extremely early labor. She's only five months." She grabbed onto a nurse. "She's been having active contractions for the last thirty minutes." He looked back. "Darrien.... coming?"
"I got it. You go kick their ass," the slayer panted, staring at him. "It's more important you behead the evil this time, before she kills more of us."
"You're not dying," the nurse assured her, taking her blood pressure. "Is she Canadian?" He held up his ID card. "Oh!"
"I hold the sanctuary for the injured and pregnant. Our usual doc is at something Ottawa."
"That's fine. Does she have insurance?" He handed over the card for the house. "That'll work."
"Go, Xander," Moira said. "Slay her for me."
"Gladly." He looked at the nurse, handing over a set of cards. "Mine, Eira's, she's at home fixing the roof Willow tried to rip off, and Giles. He's the head of the Council." The nurse nodded, taking the gurney down to their ER. He got back onto the jet. "Thanks, guys."
"Hey, Cleveland's gotta be warmer than the arctic circle," Darcy quipped. Xander settled next to her to help warm her up. She leaned against his arm. "What is her problem?"
"She thinks she's the goddess and therefore right. And she's just an addict."
She nodded. "Great." She yawned, falling asleep on him. Darrien snuck under the blanket to help her nap. The other slayers smiled at that. Xander rolled his eyes at their subtle hints they liked Darrien's idea.
***
Xander walked into the house, axe in his hand. He ran into Buffy and shoved her out of his way. "Move."
"What happened?" she demanded. She grabbed his arm to stop him. "What. Happened?" she demanded more firmly.
"Willow happened. She tried to rip up the house. She sent Moira into extremely early labor. She's already miscarried but now they're trying to save her life, because of course the witches decided she didn't need the baby anyway." Buffy shuddered at the cold tone. "She told me I had to do her bidding and the house that I bought was the Council's. I've had enough." He got free. "I've seriously had enough of the addict. This is the sixth slayer she's tried to kill." Buffy backed down, shaking her head. "Yeah, it is. No more." He walked toward the back. "Rupert, I formally request a Council trial for the rogue witch Willow Rosenburg," he said from the doorway.
"I've already sent her to the coven."
"Who thought she was okay and that the slayer who wanted that kid more than anything didn't need to be pregnant anyway. She still hates my son for having his mother make him and him being half-black. I don't give a damn where she is."
Giles winced. "Moira?"
"They're going to be lucky to save her life. They couldn't save the baby's. She also tried to rip the roof off the house in the middle of a heavy snow storm. Not to mention what she's done to my son."
"I... I will put her before the others but you know they hate you."
"I can fix it," Xander offered, staring at him.
"I'd rather you not." He took off his glasses. "You really shouldn't punish her yourself."
"Oh, I'm not. I summon thee, Goddess of Justice, for a hearing." A female showed up, checking her nails. "Not you, Cordelia."
She smiled at him. "The Powers think she's necessary."
"I think she's dead and it'll happen one way or another."
Cordelia winced. "I agree. You agree. Hell, even Doyle and Whistler agree. Whistler's all for you beheading her." Xander smirked coldly. "They'd bring her back sometime."
"Under their thumb?"
"Yes, but she'd still have the bad judgment of an addict."
"Yay. They can keep her."
She winced, looking at the goddess who appeared. "You rang?' she asked politely.
"I call your judgement on Willow Rosenburg for all she has done against the slayers and my family," he said.
"She must be here." He pulled something off the desk and dropped it. Within seconds she was there. She was fighting it but yay. "That's handy." She stared at her. "She who has committed many crimes against nature and humanity. Interesting. I was wondering when someone would call me on her." She walked closer, using her fingertips to brush across Willow's face. Willow tried to stop her but oh well. She wasn't a goddess. She sighed and put up projections of what had happened. Xander got the head witch of the coven there. The goddess smiled at him. "They did cover for many of her sins on purpose." She let them see them. Buffy burst out crying. Xander was still staring at Willow. "I find her guilty of many things. The slayers could use her strength some day however."
"Unless you can find a way to bind her without magic, without any form or access to any sort of magic, she's not safe," Xander said. "She's killed five other slayers and this is the sixth, always around this date."
"I've seen that." She showed them the spells going in her practice area. Giles ran up there to stop them. She looked at the head witch. "You should help stop them. You mentored her into this."
"They would kill me." Xander punched her into a wall and out.
"Pretty, warrior." He nodded his head, walking off. They saw him walk in and move Giles then hit the head of the idol in the center of the spell with his axe after saying blessings on it. It was glowing bright white and the flash of magic was felt all down the eastern seaboard. They came back down. Willow was whimpering and crying. The goddess looked at Xander. "There are those who can do that duty for you."
"It's my duty to take out any of our group that go bad," he said firmly but quietly.
"No, it is not," Giles said. "It is mine."
"And she's like your kid. She was like my sister. It's still my job," Xander told him.
Giles took the axe and put it aside. "It is my job as the head of the Council and the head of our little family, Xander. The patriarch does the punishing in most cultures." Xander nodded, backing out of the way. "Your son?"
"Safely outside with Thor and Darcy."
"Good. Go be a father. You don't need to witness this." Xander stared at him. "She will not survive, Xander. You know I'll hold my word. Then we must talk."
"Later, Giles. Later." He walked off after grabbing his axe. He paused to look at Buffy, who was sobbing. "Coming?"
"Yeah, I think I am." She looked at the Goddess. "You're over Justice?" She nodded. "Is there a way she could be useful so that no others would do that?"
"She'll make a fine example of what not to do." Buffy nodded, biting her lip as she trudged out. Xander followed her and shut the door. She looked at Giles. "I can so you don't have to."
"It's my duty."
She smiled. "I'm the Goddess, not you, Rupert Giles." She touched Willow's head and she fell to the ground as ash. "Sentence applied and carried out," she said formally, making it heard by all. "The Rogue Witch Willow Rosenburg is no more. She will no longer plague those who do what they must so others survive." She stepped back, dusting off her hands. "Cordelia?"
"It won't be soon. If they need her, they can gather her." She looked at Giles. "I'm sorry you had to."
"Me as well," he said. "Tell the others I said hello? And Xander?"
She smiled. "Tara loves Darrien to pieces." She bowed to the goddess and disappeared.
Giles looked at her. "Thank you for coming. Are others of us on your come running list as it were?"
She smiled. "You are not. Nor is your mate Ethan, Rupert." She stroked his cheek. "You have more than made up for your sins." She disappeared. He sat down to write that up then went to get plastered in his suite.
Xander walked outside, taking a deep breath. "I called on the Goddess of Justice," he announced. Darrien ran over to hug him. "She handled it."
"She would be the best prepared in case the witch fought back," Fandral said quietly.
"There was a reason she was killing slayers," Xander said. Thor shuddered. "Yeah, I broke the idol." Two beings appeared. "Guys, these are the mortal embodiments of Janus and Loki," he said with a point at each. "Too late."
"We come to remove the rest of the spells," the immortal embodiment of Janus said. "There's still at least seven spells going on up there."
The immortal embodiment of Loki bowed to Thor. "I can feel him. She's got him trapped. Should I free him?"
"No," Clint said. "Then he'd have to answer for his crimes again." He looked at Thor, who nodded at that. "We'd rather not see Loki until he's been rehabilitated into a useful, helpful being."
The immortal embodiment of Loki stared at him. "He did you very wrong, warrior. He has learned his lesson on that. Though you are a good warrior to help the slayers as well."
"If they need me, they'll call."
"Good." They walked inside. Buffy squealed. They all felt the magic around the house easing. "We will put back the protections so they're done correctly," he said.
Xander nodded. "Let's go, guys."
"We can go to New York," Jane said, looking at Darcy. Who shrugged. Darrien ran back to cuddle her. She cuddled him back. "Xander?"
"Yeah, I don't want to be here. Me being on the hellmouth brings problems. There's a reason why chaos gods like me." They all winced at that admission. "Sorry. I am a chaos magnet." They got back onto the jet. Clint got to tell the slayers that the hellmouth was open. There were large tentacles playing with the trees around the hellmouth. They waved at the jet but Clint fired on them so they left them alone. Xander sighed, leaning over to cover his face.
Jane patted him on the back. "We should test that to see if you put off a chaos field or something." He looked at her, smiling some. "It would be interesting to know."
"I think it was a curse by her."
"Possibly," Fandral said. "When I did something like that, it was a curse by Sif." Thor hit him on the arm. "He kept tripping into mudholes."
Jane grinned. "Really?" Thor grimaced but nodded. "Then we'll figure it out."
Xander's phone rang. "It's Xander." He listened. He sighed in relief. "That's good. Is she okay? That's great. Thank you for letting me know, ma'am. New York at the moment. I can come gather her in a few days when she's due out. No, slayers get fussed over all the time by each other. She's being stubborn. Thank you." He hung up and called Eira to tell her. "Moira's going to be okay." He listened. "How bad is it? I can hear the wind." He winced. "I can pop up and fix it.... Your what now? Since when do you have a boyfriend? I haven't seen you sneaking out to date. Oh, a frost...sure," he said. "If that's what makes you happy. Don't let him eat the goats. Two are pregnant." He shrugged. "Thanks. Tell the others so they don't freak out on him." He hung up. "Her boyfriend, who is a frost giant, is helping fix the roof."
"They date?" Fandral asked Thor.
"Loki has."
"Point I suppose." He considered it then shuddered. "Horribly chilly."
"We live in the arctic circle and she said he was banished," Xander said.
"Wow," Darcy said. "Icy dick. Eww." Xander grinned at her. She pinched him on the arm.
"Does this mean you and Dad can flirt so I have a stepmom?" Darrien asked with a smile for her.
"He can flirt but I don't have stepkids." His face fell. "If I marry someone their kids become my kids. Not stepkids, but full kids." He beamed and hugged her. "And you still have homework to do. Jane makes me do mine. I'm making you do yours."
"That's fine. Do you know Latin?" Xander snorted, staring at him. "What?"
"Did you remember your schoolbooks?"
"Um...no. Probably not," he said with a smile.
"Then you get to ask Thor and Fandral about their home and do a report on it, kiddo."
"Shit," he muttered in French. Darcy swatted him. "Hey," he complained.
"No swearing," she said with a smile. "Moms are like that."
"Good point." He snuggled in again, looking over. "Can I talk to you about that?"
"After a good meal. Stories of home are often welcome after dinner," Fandral said. Thor nodded he liked that idea. The boy grinned at them. They landed on a building. "This is a very fast jet."
"It's so we can get to emergencies faster," Clint quipped. He settled the jet and turned it off then opened the back. "C'mon, there's coffee inside." They hiked inside. "JARVIS, tell Stark we're back with Xander and Darrien?"
"I shall," he agreed. "Sir said he'd be right up. Miss Lewis, I had one of the other science interns clean out your personal refrigerator as some things in it were extremely fuzzy."
"Thanks, J," she said. She patted a wall. "That's really helpful. I meant to do it last week."
"It's no problem. They had just had an experiment fail and wanted to go pout anyway," the AI said.
Stark came off the elevator and walked over to stare at her. "You okay?" he asked quietly.
"Yeah, I'm okay. Not great. It's been a really long day."
He nodded. "Here too. We're upping the security around here."
"Steve's an Avenger."
"I'd kill him during a battle if I saw him right now," Tony said bluntly. "And I'm not the only one that said it." She winced. Thor nodded to back Tony up. "Even Barnes walked away from him."
"I don't want to fracture the team."
"You didn't. Steve did," Clint said. "He's the jackass. It's his crime. He's doing the time for it." Darcy stared at him. He grinned. "Thor nearly threw him off the roof."
"You told me that. I..."
"You're not fracturing anything and I'd probably starve to death if you weren't here so you're staying, Lewis. Period. Don't argue or I'll have to set you up with geeks to date."
"Hey!" Darrien said, pushing between them. "I called dibs on her to be my future mom. She's pretty and neat and cooks great and if Dad doesn't get to flirting with her I'll start flirting myself."
Tony smiled at him. "She deserves a great guy like your dad." Darrien relaxed and nodded. "She'll make an excellent mom to you, kiddo." He looked up. "JARVIS, get a room ready for Xander and his son."
"I can hit a hotel," Xander said. "We have three...." He looked around. "Did we leave the slayers?" Thor nodded. "I didn't even notice."
"You're exhausted," Jane said. "Duh!" He smirked at her. "And no, you can't go to a hotel. How can you flirt with Darcy from a hotel room?" She walked off with Thor. "C'mon, Thor. We'll start on dinner."
"Of course I can help. I have learned much."
Xander shook his head. "I'll show him to it," Darcy said. "Which room, JARVIS?"
"I've put him on your floor, Miss Lewis. On the right of your apartment. It has two bedrooms."
"Thanks." She looked at Tony. "Thank you."
"Hey, we avenge the bad things happening to pretty girls too," he quipped. She punched him on the arm but walked Xander and Darrien off so they could rest. Tony looked at Clint. "Power thing from Cleveland?" he asked quietly.
Clint waited until the trio was out of earshot. "He called the Goddess of Justice on Willow," he said quietly. Tony shuddered. Clint nodded. "She's no more unless the Powers That Be bring her back for some reason."
"Great. Let's hope they don't have to." He walked off. "Call me up for dinner."
"Sure," Clint said. "Jane, I'll let Fandral in your room to rest," he called into the kitchen.
No answer so Fandral looked in there. "His lips have suctioned themselves to her neck again," he said with a smile for Clint. Clint grinned back, taking him down to Thor's suite so he could rest and Clint could rest in his own. He did send Natasha an updated email on what had happened. She didn't respond. She'd talk to him later, when she was done with whatever.
***
Downstairs in the gym, Natasha read the message then looked at her sparring partner. "They're back."
"With her?"
"Yes. Plus Xander and his son."
"I haven't really met him outside an old assignment. Is he decent?"
"He's the man that backs up the slayers." Bucky shuddered. "He's a strong man. He showed up due to rumors of what had happened to Darcy so he could help her."
"That's sweet."
"Sweet is his son," she said with a smile. "He adores Darcy. Snuck onto a jet to come see her."
"Awww. I'd have beaten his ass."
"His father was amused and Darcy babysat overnight." They got back to the sparring match. "He is five. Rosenburg made accusations against him but they were false and Clint's email said she's gone."
"Sounds good."
"Apparently it was much worse than the little bit we heard when she showed up to sneer about his son. Which he stood her down for." He smirked. "He runs a shelter for the injured and pregnant slayers near the arctic circle."
"Cold," he said.
"Very cold," she agreed. She glanced back and blinked. Bucky glanced and looked at her. "Darrien, you do not sneak very well yet."
"Can I watch? I watch the slayers spar."
"You may. Just stay out of the way. Bucky, this is Darrien Harris."
"Hey, kid. Sit there." He pointed. Darrien climbed up on the barbell bench and watched them fight back and forth with knives. When it was coming closer to a draw, he blinked at the staring kid. Darrien was sucking on his bottom lip. "Your dad teaching you self defense yet?"
"Yup. Even though all the aunties bitch."
"Does he let you say that word?" Natasha asked dryly.
"Nope, but he's sleeping." He grinned. "We had to go to Cleveland."
"We heard," Natasha said. She stepped back to look at him. "Are you all right?"
He stared at her. "Sometimes you gotta fake it so people quit being so uncomfy around you," he said, clearly quoting. "It sucks but you gotta do it sometimes. Or else the slayers cry."
"You do not have to pretend around us," she said. "We are not slayers and we do not cry."
He shrugged. "You're still a girl so therefore you get to see the happy stuff. Daddy said girls need that stuff until you're dating them and you're too old and not sweet enough for me to flirt with." He grinned.
She stared at him, starting to smile against her will. "You flirt?"
"I do flirt. I'm helping Dad flirt with Darcy. She'd make an excellent mom."
"Yes she would," she agreed. Darrien wiggled to cross his feet in front of him so he could lean on his knees. "Still, you don't have to pretend around us."
He shrugged. "You're still a pretty girl and pretty girls get manners used around them and happy things so they don't get sad."
"I used to do that," Bucky said. "It's a guy thing," he told Natasha. She stared at him. "We do."
"Uh-huh," she said blandly but was smiling. Xander walked in and grabbed his son, carrying him off.
"They didn't mind me watching, Dad. I asked."
"Yay. It's time for a rest. You may not wander around bothering people. They're not the slayers and they don't have to pay attention to you. For that matter, quit treating the slayers like silly playmates. They're not like the sheep on the farm, son."
"Depends on which one," Darrien said dryly. "Auntie Faith definitely isn't. She's like the goats and just as stubborn."
Xander laughed, nodding. "Yeah, she is. If you tell her that she'll pout."
"That's why I never tell pretty girls that stuff. It's not nice and makes them pouty. You taught me that."
"Yes I did. It keeps me unbeaten by the slayers." Darcy came out of her apartment. "He snuck off to watch Miss Romanoff spar."
"Aww. It's really mean to watch them. They're neat at it but they can be mean to each other."
Darrien leaned over to cuddle her. "Come nap with us?"
"I can tell you a story but I'm not great to nap on. I drool in my sleep like a puppy."
Darrien grinned. "I'd love a puppy." She tweaked his nose. His father was looking up and smiling but shaking his head. "I would."
"When you're old enough to take care of one." He let them into his apartment. He put Darrien onto his bed. "Nap." He sighed but settled in to rest. Darcy settled in to tell him a story. "You don't have to, Darcy."
"You hush. Stories are good for kids." Darrien grinned at his dad and leaned on her side to be cuddled during it.
Xander settled on the couch to watch them interact. Darrien was right, Darcy was his type. She was a great version of his type. But she'd never want to live in his life of battles, injuries, and stupid things. She got plenty of that around here. She came out, closing Darrien's door. "Thanks," he said quietly.
"It's not a problem, Xander. He's a sweetheart." She sat down by his feet. "Are you okay?"
"I'm not exactly but I'm good enough to fake it for now." She nodded, patting his leg. "I'm sorry about him being pushy."
She smiled. "It's so cute!" Xander grinned and nodded. "Though I don't know if you like girls."
"I do like girls. I like snarky, self assured, kinda bitchy girls actually." She blushed but stared at him. "But I can't quit my job."
She nodded. "If we're near Jane we can both have that."
"There's the farm."
"Eira sent me an email. That's what woke me. She said she and her fiancee are taking over the farm and the protection roles. She said she adores it up there with him, since he likes snowy places, and he can guard them even better than you can." He stared at her. She showed him the email.
"Why didn't she tell me?" At the bottom was a 'don't tell Xander that Giles asked me to take it over for him'. He sighed, handing the phone back. "I'll talk to her and Giles tomorrow."
"Maybe you'll have another house that'll be less snowy and more farmy."
"Maybe. I don't mind the farm until planting season." She smiled. "Seriously, I hate planting season."
"I would've thought harvesting and canning."
"That's not so bad. You do it a bit at a time. You plant all at once, and you're mostly bent over." He shifted, sitting up. She smiled at him. "I, um, haven't flirted in a while." She giggled and hit his arm. "I was always more hunted than the hunter here." She leaned in to kiss him. He smiled and kissed her better. The tiny 'whoo hoo' from the bedroom had both of them looking that way. "You're jumping the race, kiddo. Go back to sleep."
"I can go ask Lord Fandral stuff now."
"He said after dinner," Darcy said. "He's resting."
"Fine." He looked out there. "Some day can I have a sister?" They shrugged. "That's cool." He smiled. "I'll be a big brother like Dad is to the slayers." He closed the door and locked it then went back to his bed to read for a while. His daddy needed privacy to do the stuff he had seen on HBO that he wasn't supposed to have watched.
Xander looked at her. "He's wise beyond his years."
"And slightly a smartass," she said.
"Yeah, that too. I think that's my fault." She laughed, leaning on his shoulder. "I guess we should talk?"
"We can talk."
"Cool. Talking is cool." She touched his hand and he calmed back down. Yeah, he could relearn how to flirt.
***
Darrien ran off the elevator when the nice voiced AI told him it was time for dinner. He smiled and hopped into a seat beside Jane. "Daddy and Darcy are talking over cheeseburgers he ordered."
She blinked. "Really?" He grinned and nodded. "Huh." She looked at Thor. "She might be moving after all."
"We can always visit," he said.
Darrien smirked and shook his head. "Eira and her boyfriend are taking over the farm up there. Mr. Giles said so since her boyfriend likes snow and chilly stuff."
"A frost giant would do well up there," Thor agreed. "Huh." He handed him food. "Vegetables?"
He pouted. "I guess. If I must."
"Yes and Darcy's a big believer in them too," Jane said with a smirk. "She makes me eat them a lot too."
"That's okay. It's a mom thing and she'll make a fantastic mom if she and Dad get together. I might even get a baby sister some day so I can be a big brother like Dad is over the slayers. I can threaten boyfriends and everything." He dished himself up some veggies and some of the meat. He smiled at the staring people. "Hi." He waved.
Tony smirked back. "You want to be a big brother?"
"Of course. That'll give me someone to nag about stuff and play with and make them do chores for me when they're being butts." Thor burst out laughing but nodded.
"Indeed. He and Loki did that a few times," Fandral said. Someone knocked on the patio and walked in. "Sif."
"Fandral. We were looking for the problem one. I was sent to gather him."
"The slayers have him locked in a room so he can help Auntie Buffy become a normal girl again," Darrien said, smiling at her. "They think she thinks he's hot and right now Auntie Buffy probably needs him a whole lot because Willow went too evil and Daddy had to do mean stuff earlier."
She smiled at him, dropping a kiss on his head. "I'll gather him later then. May I join in?" They nodded so she sat down to eat. "Where is your father?"
"Hopefully flirting with Darcy. She'd make an *excellent* mom," he said with a smile.
"Yes she would." She smoothed down his hair. "You need a comb."
"I need to recondition my scalp."
"That happens at times." He hugged her arm. She gave him a real one. "You're a wonderful young man. Even if you do help your father flirt."
"It helps. Daddy said he forgot how." He held up the vegetables. "Veggies?"
"Thank you." She took some for herself and some of the other food. "Fandral, Hogun was looking for you. He found a book that he said was insulting."
"Lord of the Rings?" Thor asked. She nodded. "I thought the would not like that."
"Tolkien is *boring*," Darrien said. "It's more nap inducing than Beowulf."
Thor looked down at him. "You've read it?"
"Dad read it to me. I liked the hero stuff but the story was *so* boring," he sighed, slumping some. "He never got more than three pages at a time. The same with the Three Musketeers. So boring even though the story's great. Way too many flowery words and descriptions of stupid stuff. The movies were mostly better. Though a few were bad."
Stark stared at him. "He read you the Three Musketeers as a bedtime story?"
"No, he read it to me and it turned into a bedtime story. *So* boring." Tony smiled but nodded he agreed. He sat up and properly ate. He looked at Fandral between bites. "Does this mean I can escape Dad's homework?"
"No. Homework like that makes you smarter when you deal with people," Jane said. "If Fandral doesn't mind?"
"I do not mind," he said with a smile for them. "It's good practice in case some young wench trips me into bed." Darrien pointed at Sif. "She is too much my sister. I've known her for much too long and over many too many incidences. I've shared camps with her and seen her drunk." He grinned at Sif. "We are much too familiar with each other."
"Especially when you wear sparkly man panties to war," Sif quipped with a smirk. Darrien burst out laughing.
Fandral sighed, covering his heart with a hand. "You wound me, Sif."
"You wish."
"No, you are much like my sister. I would no more bed you than I would Thor."
Jane shook her head quickly. "That gave me mental images I did not want."
Darrien hugged her too. "It's okay. Think of other things to get rid of those. Daddy starts thinking about swords instead."
"Swords won't help much," she said, smiling at him. Thor was blushing and Fandral laughing. "Maybe I'll think of shields."
"That'll work too. If not, there's always annoying theme songs."
"Yes there are. Eat." He dug in with a hum. Jane looked at Sif, who smirked at her. "Xander told us you two knew each other."
"I am acquainted with him. He has quite the gift for being in the wrong place at the right time with a weapon." Thor looked at her. "He does it very well but he is more excellent with weapons than not." She delicately dug into dinner.
"Wow, we're learning lots of new stuff tonight, Tony said. "I've seen Xander with his axe."
"I've seen him using her and he is a thing of beauty with it," Sif agreed, smiling at him. "He can handle swords fairly well. Crossbows as well. Not regular ones for some reason."
"Not as useful on vampire hunting patrols probably," Clint said. "It'd be too big."
She nodded. "I had not considered that. With his training and him doing much of it himself he is a very good warrior." She dug back in. Darrien leaned against her, making her smile at him. "You are cuddly tonight."
"I'm killing time so Daddy has time to flirt."
Sif nodded with a smile. "That takes longer than a dinner would, Darrien."
"Really? Why?"
"Because women and men take longer to talk about things than just a simple dinner. Often it takes many dinners."
He smiled up at her. "I wouldn't mind eating with you instead, Sif. You're always a great person to eat with. You eat the same stuff I do." She smiled at him, winking a bit. He grinned back and dug into his meat.
"Veggies too," Jane reminded him.
"Yes, Auntie Jane." She smiled at him, giving him a hug. "Are you and Thor going to have babies sometime soon? That way I have someone to play with?"
"Not for a while yet," she said. "We're still sharing dinners and things."
"Awww. Shoot. I need more kids to play with. It's really boring being me sometimes." He dug in again.
"You'll have many more children to play with if you get to go to a regular school," Jane said.
"Eww. I don't need kids like that around me. None of them will like me because of what Dad does." He shrugged and dug in again.
"If you guys get to stay local there's the UN school," Stark said. "It has kids who speak a whole lot of different languages."
"I only speak three kinda. And the two native ones. Dad made sure I spoke Mom's language. Usually I use it to swear at the nagging people who want to take me to sacrifice." They all stared at him. "My mom's family are cranked to quote Dad."
Clint nodded. "Sounds like it. Eat the veggies or no dessert." Suddenly the kid started to inhale the veggies and got extra just in case. Clint grinned. When everyone got done, Clint got up to get dessert from the kitchen. He got cookies and the rest of them got other stuff that was too adult for the six-year-old.
***
Xander came up with Darcy that night for bedtime. "I'm sorry, guys. Lost track of my supposedly sweet and innocent little boy."
"He's charming as usual," Sif said with a smile. She stared at Darcy. "I believe you will do fine if you take up the young one's ideas."
Darcy smiled. "Thanks. Did you need to take him to beat up on things?"
"No. I came to see if Thor and Fandral had gotten into trouble yet."
"We are angelic," Fandral said with a smile and a hand wave at her. "He asks quite good questions."
"That's because he's always asking questions." He picked him up. "You good for the report?"
"Yup. Thank you, Lord Fandral." He smiled and waved. Then he leaned down to kiss Sif on the cheek. "Thank you, Lady Sif. Some day I want a woman like you." She smiled at him. "Bedtime, Dad?" He yawned.
"Yup, sure is. Tell Darcy nighty night. We've got to see Giles tomorrow."
"Night, could be Mommy." He kissed her too. Xander rolled his eyes as he walked him off.
Darcy sat down with a sigh, staring at Sif. "The kid is absolutely sweet."
"Yes he is," Sif agreed. "Also a bit manipulative."
"A bit," Tony agreed with a smile for her.
"Yes, he is," Jane agreed. "But he's sweet about it. He wants what most kids want."
Darcy nodded. "He does. But it's so cute."
Jane smiled at her. "We'll have fun with the wedding reception."
Darcy looked at her. "Going a bit too fast."
"Probably. Kinda mommy."
Darcy swatted Jane hard on the arm, making her yelp. "That's sweet."
"It is," Jane agreed. "Very sweet." They all smiled at her.
Bucky came out of the elevator, already rolling his eyes. "New York has changed for the worse."
"But we got many things in return for the pollution and overcrowding," Darcy quipped. "Like donut shops."
"We had those before," he told her, sitting down. "No kid?"
"Bedtime."
"That's always a good thing. It was for me when I was young. I think."
Xander came back up shaking his head. "My kid is so warped and I think I took a wrong turn a few different places." He sighed and sat down near Darcy but not right next to her. Everyone stared at him. "I'm not the clingy and cuddly sort until after at least our fifth bout of sex, guys." They all smiled at that and left them alone. Thor and Jane took their friends back to Jane's room. Stark went to the lab to spy vicariously. Clint went to talk to Natasha with Barnes. Xander looked at her. "I think that was a hint."
"I'm pretty sure it was a hint," she agreed. They shared a smirk and got ice cream from the freezer before going back down to his apartment.
***
Xander came out of his apartment the next day tugging at his suit jacket. "I hate this part but Giles never goes to burger joints." Darrien tugged on him and held up the tie. "No." His son giggled and tossed it back in there before closing the door. "Shoes?" he prompted. Darrien huffed but went to get his shoes. Xander checked himself. "Grab my wallet too please. Or else we have to walk uptown." It was handed over before Darrien sat on the floor to put on his shoes. "Thank you." He shut the door and locked it then walked off with a sigh. His son followed with just as big of a sigh. "We know."
"Uncle Rupert needs to loosen his corset."
"Yeah but with your luck Buffy will be there, if not Kennedy."
"Can I stab her when she sneers at me?"
Xander hesitated. "Ask me and I'll do it," he decided finally. "They might put you in foster care if you stab her and I'd hate that." His son grinned at him. They went down and caught a cab to the restaurant. The server gave Darrien an odd look. "I'm a single father." She sighed but took them back to the table. Sure enough, Buffy, Faith, and Kennedy with Giles. He sat down and put Darrien between him and Giles. "Why can't you go to burger joints?" he asked. "I hate dressing up."
Giles smirked a bit. "He needs more reinforcement of his manners."
"I have good manners. Even Lady Sif said so," Darrien said with a grin for him. "Daddy's making me write a report since I forgot my books."
"That's fine, Darrien. What else have you been doing?"
He grinned. "I talked to Lady Sif and Lord Fandral last night for the report. Daddy and Miss Darcy were talking in her apartment."
"Really?" he asked, staring at Xander. Who stared back. "Interesting."
"She'll make a neat mom. She said she doesn't do stepmom stuff, they're all her kids if they're her family."
"That's a wonderful thing," Buffy agreed. "Darcy, the one you were guarding?" He nodded. "She was pretty by the photo in the report." She sipped her water. "Darrien, want some water?"
"No thank you. I don't like to drink after people I'm not related to. You might have mouth cooties. *She* told me about them."
Buffy winced. "Good point." She poured him a glass of ice water.
"Thank you, Auntie Buffy." He sipped and put it properly by his plate. "Now what, Uncle Rupert? Eira said she and her boyfriend have the farm. He's a frost giant so he likes cold."
"I heard she had one but not that he was a frost giant."
"Banished," Xander said. "Not sure why. She snuck out very well to meet him. I never saw him at all."
"Hmm. I'll have her introduce us." He made that note for himself then looked at Xander. "I'd like you to take over the Americas."
"I can do that but I hate Cleveland and it hates me."
"Yes, I quite remember seeing the tentacles waving at the jet you left on," he said dryly. "We agree it's not the best idea for you to be at that house. Which does leave a few others. Including one in the city."
"Would we be planting again this year, Dad?" Darrien asked.
"No, sweetie, there's a grocery store really nearby to the house locally," Buffy said with a smile.
He stared at her. "But that's expensive. Especially with how some of the slayers eat more than the goats we used to have." She groaned and shook her head with a sigh. "Eira eats *tons*."
"All slayers eat like Eira," Xander quipped. He smirked at Buffy. "Your Aunt Buffy once got kicked out of a buffet because she ate so much." Darrien giggled, grinning at her.
"I was young and worked off more energy then," she said dryly with a hand wave. "You can take over New York's house. That way you can date Darcy."
"I might," Xander agreed. "It's a nice house. Not a lot of armory room. Or office space. Or room for me and the kid."
"Point," Giles said. "We can rearrange things. Do we need three girls here?"
"We need more than the single one we'd have room for," Buffy said. "There's only three bedrooms at the local house."
Giles considered it then nodded. "We can arrange that."
"Plus the farm is still mine," Xander said dryly.
"We are arranging for that. How much damage was done?"
"The roof partially lifted off on the east side." Giles moaned. "Plus any damage the snow storm we left during did."
"We'll make sure." He made that note as well. Darrien took his pen and wrote down notes under it. "Yes, the animals as well."
"I wouldn't mind keeping the goats but the rest are all dumb. Really, really dumb," Darrien said. "Sheep are supposed to be nearly as smart as goats and ours aren't. Though the chickens are worse. The cows are just boring and stupid."
"Cows are like that," Xander said. "I've never met a really smart cow. A few smart bulls but not a smart cow. Or sheep."
Giles shook his head. "I've never raised either so I could not tell you," he said, making that note as well.
"Are we going to talk about what happened?" Kennedy asked.
Xander pulled out something and handed it over. "The information on the spell I ended by crushing her idol." He let her read it, watching her go pale. "She was killing her sixth one of you. And her kid. She did get Moira's child." Kennedy huffed, putting the paper down.
"Moira planned for over a year about how and when to get pregnant," Buffy said. "I'm sorry for her."
"She'll be okay and if she wants to try again she can," Xander said. "She's talked to the nurses up there about that. I called her last night. Eira demanded the right to go pick her up."
"That's fine," Giles agreed. "I'm glad we could save her." He leaned on the table, looking at the ladies then at Xander. "I believe we should switch things around. Faith, do you want Cleveland?"
She nodded. "I do good there. I can handle that. We can move the trainee slayers up here to work with Xander." Kennedy glared at her. She stared back. "Can you think of anyone more protective?"
"No," she sighed. "I can't." She sipped her drink again.
"It'd also mean that the girls could get to regular medical checkups more frequently when injured," Xander said. Giles nodded that was true. "The doc up there is great but he can only pop in once a month."
"Then we can make plans that would include that need," Giles agreed. "A school that you would oversee?"
"As long as I don't turn into Xavier," Xander said dryly.
"I doubt that would be allowed," Giles said dryly.
"Thanks." He smiled. The waitress came over, smiling at them. "Are we eating real food or nibbling?"
"We're slayers, Xander. We only eat real food," Buffy said. She smiled. "May I have the cheese triangles appetizer and the stuffed mushrooms plus a large chicken caesar salad with dressing on the side?" she asked.
The waitress smiled, taking that down. "Just that, ma'am? No main course?"
"It's lunch. I'll go easy on my figure." She looked at the others.
"I hate salad," Faith said. "Give me the cheese steak fajitas please," she said, handing over her menu. "And more water?" The waitress smiled and nodded.
Kennedy shrugged. "I'll take the same as Buffy and another drink."
"Gin?" the waitress asked.
"Please." The waitress took the glass from her.
She smiled at Giles. "I'll have the flatbread with salsa and chicken meal."
"Yes, sir." She smiled at Xander. "Will he need things cut up smaller?"
"He's pretty good with a fork and a knife," he said. "But he's getting the fried cheese triangles as his weekly treat of greasy stuff and let's do the loose meat fajitas for me? Make his the solid ones with salsa on the side? He likes to dip."
"I can do that." She wrote that down, smiling at Darrien. "You've been a good boy so far." She walked off to get the drink refill, place the order, and get them more water. She smiled at the cook. "The solid fajitas is for the kid, the father said he can cut things but still likes to dip."
"That's fine," he agreed, glancing out there. "He's well behaved." He went back to cooking.
***
Xander walked in stretching his neck. Darcy's head popped up when he walked into the lab with Darrien pushing on his butt. "Big news?" she asked.
"I'm setting up the new training center here in the city." She squealed and hugged him. He cuddled her. Darrien snuggled between them to get cuddled.
Jane smiled, taking a picture. It was adorable. She sent it to the others and got back to work.
Darcy pulled back to grin at him. "We can help?"
"Of course you can help. I can't decorate for girls."
She laughed and swatted him. "Go do boy things until Jane's done with me for the day."
"I can do that." He looked at Darrien. "The whole restaurant was very pleased with how mannerly he was. Though they all smiled at him dunking his rolled fajitas." He walked him off talking to him. "So we gotta find a big building."
"Can't Uncle Rupert look?"
"Your Uncle Rupert nearly bought a house in Cleveland that was ready to fall in because Buffy really liked the outside and that it had a pool." Darrien groaned, shaking his head. "I'm all for us buying an old hotel or something."
"Can we?" he asked.
"Yeah, we probably could." They went to get changed back into normal clothes and settled in to look at real estate here in the city but in Brooklyn or Queens or something. Not in Manhattan. Darrien pointed out things. "High, not wide. That way the slayers can't sneak out as easily. Otherwise, yeah. That's a great idea." Darrien looked at the other options and pointed at one. "That's...actually pretty nice. I wonder how much work it needs." He called that realtor. "Hi, I'm Xander Harris, I work with the Watchers Council, and we're looking to buy a larger property here by the city.
"I saw one listed under your name." He read off the number. "Yes, that. No, we're talking about a training center actually. So renovating some for classes, some for living areas. The individual rooms will be great for the girls so they quit complaining about the bathroom issue. No, there's presently ninety-four girls at the main house in Cleveland." She shuddered. "And six multi stall bathrooms. It's come to bloodshed some mornings."
Darrien nodded. "And some of the younger girls punch really hard."
Xander grinned at him. "No, that's my son, not one of the girls. He's six." He listened, making notes. "I can do that. Thank you. That'd be excellent actually. The head's somewhere around the city for the next hour. Thanks." He called Giles once he hung up. "We're going to look at two places right now. So don't leave New York." He got up and took Darrien with him to the hotel Giles was in. The realtor met them at the first place and Giles looked around. It was nice, but a bit small for their needs. They barely had enough rooms for everyone so they'd need to manufacture classrooms somewhere. The other one was large, it was ancient, it was a grand old lady of a hotel. It reminded Xander of the Hyperion in LA, from the same era.
"We're told that the hotel is haunted," the realtor said. "It needs a bit of work but with what you said your plans were that'd probably be taken care of anyway. The electrical and plumbing was mostly updated about ten years ago."
Xander looked at the stuff on the floor, toeing at it. "It's not haunted. It's vampires."
"You're sure?" she asked.
He bent to pick up a cigarette butt. "It's being haunted by Spike. SPIKE!" he bellowed. "It's me and Giles!"
The blond vampire came out of the stairway grimacing but smoking. "Can't get away from you lot sometimes. Hey, little bite."
"Hi, Uncle Spike." He leaped up to hug him. "We're buying here to make a new training center for the young, cranky slayers."
Spike looked at Xander. "You sucker," he said with a smug look.
"But that means we can keep flirting with Darcy, who is *really* nice," Darrien said, smiling at him. "And we can let Daddy hunt down the rest of the vampires. That way he doesn't have to blush at Darcy. And she cooks really good. She knows *Thor*. She's really neat."
Spike looked at him. Then at Xander. "Really?"
"Really." He took his son back. "Any huge problems?"
"Few holes in the floors the minions made to play through. Stupid things. Glad I dusted 'em and got better." He took another drag on his cigarette. Darrien snatched it and threw it with a scowl. Spike smirked as he let it out. "You're cheeky."
"That's bad for me and some day I want to be worthy of a lady like Sif. Therefore no smoking around me. If you want gummy lungs that just means Missus Dru will have to suck it all out of you somehow."
Spike shuddered. "Eww. She would too. She hates me smoking," he muttered. He looked at Giles. "I can clear them out."
"Thank you. Any other structural issues?"
"The roof thing without a roof is falling in."
"It's called a pergola."
"Still falling over," Spike said dryly.
"That means it's firewood," Xander said. Spike nodded. "Kitchen?"
"Will probably be updated anyway to feed all the walking stomachs with makeup." He walked off. "We'll be out by tomorrow."
"Thank you," Giles said. "Let's look at the rest of the common areas and a few floors of rooms." She nodded, walking them to show them off. It had two floors of former restaurants and stores that they could turn into classrooms. Darrien got to run around to look at things. He found a vampire but Spike's growl warned him away from him.
Xander grinned and waved at the vampire. "He's Darrien's godfather."
"That's ...Darrien Harris?" the vampire asked, staring at them.
"Yeah. And I'm his dad." He smirked. The vampire whined and curled up in a ball to cry. "If you run away really fast, I won't stake you. I don't like the kid to see that shit." The vampire got up and ran off yelling for the others to bring them. Xander looked at Spike. "You need to eat and turn better people."
"Was going to turn Red," he said, rolling his eyes.
"You'd have to ask the Powers That Be," Xander said. Spike paused to stare at him. "She killed some slayers for a spell," he said quietly. "Nearly got Moira. Did cause Moira to miscarry." Spike winced. "I called out for Justice to handle her."
Spike nodded, looking down. "Probably best." He looked at him. "So?"
"She handled it so neither Xander nor I had to," Giles said quietly.
Spike nodded. "Means she's not addicted anymore then. Dru'll be pissed."
"Tell Dru I said hi and he really loved that doll until the werewolf that broke in to try to claim Eira as a mate got it."
"Can do that," he sighed, walking off shaking his head. "Slutty and her girlfriend?"
"Grieving but Kennedy is drinking," Giles said. "We had lunch earlier."
Spike nodded again. "S'fine. Thanks for letting me know."
"Only been a day," Xander called after him. Spike looked back and nodded. "I'm sorry."
"She was going wrong. S'better for everyone."
"The immortal embodiments of Loki and Janus both showed up," Giles said.
Xander grinned. "She locked Loki in Buffy's closet." Spike burst out laughing but he looked happier. He looked at Giles. "What are you going to do about that?"
Giles took off his glasses to stare at him. "Nothing. That's between him, Buffy, and Thor's people, isn't it." He walked off, smiling at the realtor. "Spike's been instrumental around the Council more than once."
"Including dating Buffy," Xander quipped.
Darrien looked up at him. "EWWW!" Xander grinned at him. "So EWW! We need to tell Darcy that." He took his son's hand to walk with him.
Giles shook his head but he was smiling. The baby was so adorable at times.
***
Darrien ran off and jumped on Thor's back to cuddle him. "We ran into Uncle Spike. Dad said he used to date Auntie Buffy, which is *gross*." He kissed him on the cheek. "We found a great place and now we have to clean up the vampire messiness and then make it so the girls each get their own rooms. Before they pull knives to get to the bathroom first again. It was so sick! Brenda's fifteen and she stabbed six other girls to get the bathroom first one morning because she was being a *girl*. They need more at the house in Cleveland. Ninety-four girls and six dorm bathrooms is not a good thing," he babbled.
"But Daddy said we get our own apartment and it's just over the bridge in somewhere called Williamsburg. Which I thought was in Virginia but I guess more than one place can have the same name. It's *huge*, has over three hundred rooms and two floors for classrooms and a *pool*. Which probably won't freeze because it doesn't snow like it does up there down here. Daddy said he'd have to ask for help for decorating because he can't decorate like a girl and the girls will pout at him. I can't protect him from that. No one can. And Uncle Rupert told me my oral report was really, really great. He said I'm becoming very smart.
"Uncle Spike gave me a cuddle too and I pickpocketed him but he's a vampy vamp so he might not need his wallet or ID. Though Dad mailed it to him in care of Auntie Buffy so he'll have to talk to her to get it back. And Uncle Rupert said he's leaving Loki locked in Auntie Buffy's closet. He said he was mad about the invasion and Buffy could straighten him out so until you or someone asked for him back he was going to be straightened out by her." He sucked in a deep breath.
Jane covered his mouth with her hand. "Did you have a lot of candy?" she asked.
He kissed it and smiled at her, shaking his head. "Nope. No candy. I got all hyper and happy on the way back to tell Darcy about the hotel and Dad let me run ahead because he was talking to Uncle Rupert about the building and how to fix it easiest so Daddy doesn't take years to do it."
Jane smiled. "You just held it all in?"
He nodded, eyes wide. "Yup." He leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. "You're pretty and smart. So much better than an airhead. And you don't date vampires like Uncle Spike like she does. Because that's super gross."
"It is," she agreed. She pulled him off Thor's back. "You're hyper."
"It happens. I take those moods each time I run into bad guys. Since we ran into the bad guys who Daddy turned and vowed to remove from all realms, I got hyper off their bad guy vibe." He grinned.
"Do we know them?" Jane asked him.
"I don't know but they're mean so you shouldn't. Bad guys do mean things to pretty, smart women."
"I protect her from those sort," Thor said. "You climb very well." Darrien blushed and ducked his head. "Perhaps this new place will have an area for you to play in as well. Your father could probably give you a great many places to climb and play."
"I hope so. Me and any maybe future babies will need one." He heard the sigh and looked back. "Hi, Dad."
"Didn't I tell you to go to the apartment to use the bathroom then see if we're taking Darcy out for dinner with Rupert?"
"Oops! I came in to tell Thor and Auntie Jane about the new building." He ran off again.
"Sorry, for some reason he sees bad guys and gets hyper."
"Do we know these bad guys?" Jane asked with a smile. "He babbles very well."
"Yes he does. He gets it from me," Xander said with a grin. "As for knowing them, probably not. They're one of my unfortunate weapons contacts that gives me shitty stuff that hardly ever works." He rolled his eye. "Let me make sure he's cleaning up. Sorry about the pouncing." He left, going to clean up. Darrien was already babbling at Darcy because he had ran into her in the hallway. "Thought you had to use the potty, Darrien."
"I do but she's worth waiting for."
She smiled. "Go potty. You can tell me the rest afterward." He kissed her on the arm and ran off again. "He is so sweet," she told Xander with a smile.
"And a tiny bit pushy. Want to go to dinner with us and Rupert?"
"I wouldn't mind. Should I dress up?"
"Giles promised whatever spot would be capable of me being in jeans."
"That's cool." She smiled. "Let me go tell Jane."
"He already stopped there to babble." She giggled, walking off. Xander went to clean up too. He could use a new shave. He ran into Tony Stark. "I ran the bad guy off."
"Thanks. What bad guy?"
"One of my unfortunately shitty weapons contacts that gives me broken stuff all the time."
"JARVIS?" Tony asked. A video replayed on a virtual screen in front of him. "How did Justin Hammer get out of jail already?"
"Searching records, it was overcrowding and good behavior, sir," the AI said.
"Well, now we know why Xander keeps having to fix weapons. Hammer tech is useless for anything." He walked off shaking his head. "Tell Romanoff. I think she still dislikes him."
"Yes, sir." Upstairs, the same video appeared in front of where she was making herself a sandwich.
She nodded. "I'll deal with him in a few moments so he has to go back to jail." He flashed up that report. She smiled. "Thank you, JARVIS, and thank Stark for telling me." She ate a bite, walking off. "Barton, be my hound and track where Hammer went."
He looked at her. "He's on parole. His townhome here didn't get sold in all that mess. Xander has occasionally gotten stuff from him, thankfully without having to screw him for it, and he usually lets Buffy or one of the others flirt to get it for them."
"Poor slayers." She ate another bite. "He needs to go back to jail. Before he does something else stupid I have to fix."
Clint grinned at her. "I heard." Darrien ran off the elevator, gave them both a hug, ran into the kitchen, and ran out with some water. "Wow, you're fast."
"Daddy needed water to drink before we went out to dinner. I still have hyperness from the bad guy." He ran down the emergency stairs.
Clint blinked, looking at her.
"The video did show that he ran into Hammer first and started to dance around." She finished her sandwich. "We can prevent them from meeting again."
"We can find something he's done wrong I'm sure." They smirked at each other and left to handle that annoyance before it made Stark blow things up. He did enough of that already.
***
Darcy and Darrien were out to pick up lunch orders a few days later when Darcy spotted a problem. "Darrien, we need to go back to the tower right now," she hissed. He looked up at her then around. She took his hand and walked off. They wouldn't make it there. There was a shop up closer but it wasn't really suitable for kids. She ducked in anyway, staring at the guy behind the counter, hand over the kid's eyes. "Someone's following us." He nodded. She got him out of sight and called the tower. "JARVIS, it's Darcy and Darrien. I spotted one of Steve's former teammates plus at least three others. We are there, yes, and I'm making sure he can't see things. Thanks." She hung up and made Darrien look up at her. "Super bad guys," she said quietly. "Just give it a few and your dad will be here."
"He can kick nearly anyone's butt." Darrien hugged her, but she wouldn't let him look around. A few minutes later they heard a motorcycle outside and then shouting. Some shooting. Darcy glanced out but it was bad and she wouldn't let him look. He spotted something on the wall and stared. "What's that for?"
"Ask me again when you're sixteen." She covered his eyes again.
The shopkeeper got everyone shooed into the back and showed her the back entry. She smiled and nodded, taking the kid to the tower by the back way. She ran into Clint, who called in they were safe. "Thanks."
"Welcome," he quipped. "Go inside and right up to the safe room, Darcy." She nodded, taking Darrien with her. He scowled at the security guards who had tried to stop her. "Dude, she's Foster's assistant. Stop harassing her. Forever." The guard backed off and went to harass others away from the windows before they got hurt.
Darcy came off the elevator and right to the safe room on Jane's lab floor. Bruce let them in. "Thanks, guys. Do we need to do a lab check?"
"Stark put it in lock down," Bruce said, locking them back inside. "You okay?"
"I'm okay. He might be a bit traumatized. We had to duck into an adult shop. It was the only open thing." Bruce smiled, patting her on the arm.
"Why did they have penises?" Darrien asked.
"It's for people who need one," Bruce said. "Which you don't need to worry about until you're at least sixteen."
"You lose yours when you're sixteen?" he asked, looking horrified as he guarded his.
"No but when you're sixteen you can find out why people need an extra one," Darcy said. "It only falls off if you don't clean it or you put a rubber band around it too tightly."
"I'll never do that and I always clean myself," he said, going to the bathroom to make sure. The other scientists in there smiled at her for that. She shrugged and went to make coffee.
The video feed for the hallway showed Xander and a few guards out there to make sure they were fine while this was going on. Finally Bucky walked up the hall scowling so Xander nodded at the safe room door, letting him knock and Bruce open it. "It done?" Bruce asked.
"Yeah. They wanted Darcy because they thought they could torture her to get Rogers to come save her." She snorted, staring at him, shaking her head slightly. "He probably would."
"Maybe." Bucky came in to look down at her. "You know I'm right."
"He would. It's the right thing to do. He'd just bring more help."
"Of course he would. Going alone would be stupid under any circumstance," Darcy quipped. Darrien ran out to check his father over and hug him. "We're good, Xander. I had to duck us into an adult shop and told him he didn't need to know about anything he spotted when my hand slipped off his eyes until he was sixteen."
"They had extra penises," he said, staring up at his father.
"Sometimes you need one."
"Did you lose yours?" he asked.
"It's an Anya story, son."
"Oh! Yeah, I don't need to know until I'm at least twenty then." He gave him another hug and ran in to hug Darcy again. "You're good when scary things happen." She grinned and cuddled him.
Xander leaned in. "Let me go make something known so they leave her alone. Barnes, can you take over guarding?"
"Yup. Building's clear anyway, Harris. We have them all in custody."
Xander smirked. "If you're sure." He walked off looking a bit smugly evil. It got to full blown evil when he walked outside. A few of the bad guys spotted him and flinched, one trying to scoot away from him. He stared at one that had only stared at him. "You tried to touch what was mine."
"We'd have given back Darrien," he said. "We know not to touch him, Harris."
"Wrong one." The guy swallowed, shaking his head slowly. "Yeah. As in Darrien's claimed her and is *very* pushy. Giles even moved us to the new center being built here in New York for it. Do you hear me now?"
"Yes," he said, looking down. "We'd never touch what was yours because we don't want to face the ones that would take us out to get you."
"Exactly." He patted him on the head, getting glared at. "Just think, Olivia's around here somewhere looking for someone who'd be good enough to bring me to her. You guys lifted your heads as warriors and soldiers." They shrank down. Xander smiled. "Aren't you so pleased with yourselves? Remember, if they show up in your cell, they're probably bad for your continued health. Or at least your souls." One started to cry. "Aww, did he offer you a deal?" The guy nodded quickly. "I'm sorry. But hey, at least you won't be *bored* and if you're badass enough they'll offer you a job instead."
"I can do that," he said. The others snorted. He pulled a hidden weapon and shot half of them non-fatally. "I can be the badass they'll want to work for them instead of using as a victim. You're all screwed but you'll make fine victims." A demon appeared and he bowed, staring at it the whole time. "I'd rather have a job than be a victim."
"We test all those first but if you're tough enough we'd hire you. It's an admirable goal, mortal." He looked at Xander. "Olivia is watching."
Xander grinned. "I'll guard the two she'd use." He strolled off, then raced up the stairs when he got inside. He had to get to Barton and Barnes before she did. Too late but Darcy had tazed her and Darrien was kicking her on the ass until she gave up and left Bucky alone. Xander pulled his sword and took a swing at her but she disappeared suddenly. Darcy thankfully ducked. He grinned at her. "Nice." He looked at Barnes. "She wants a minion tough enough to battle me and bring me to her."
"Uh-huh. How do I protect myself from her?"
"Three little marks, can be painted on right now. Someone get me some body paint or henna." Bruce got him some from his lab and he painted the marks on everyone who wanted it. Plus another protection mark to help against mental takeovers.
Stark came up and watched. "Protections?"
"Yup."
"Do me next," he said. "I'd hate to be under someone's control." Xander got him next and it was better. "Thanks, Harris. Who was the pretty redheaded one?"
"Olivia's a brunette," Darrien said, looking at his father. "Is that her sister Opal?"
"Her sister, yes. Not Opal. Skinny, like all bones skinny?"
"Looked like she's an Asgardian," Steve said from the doorway.
"That's super bad news. Tell Thor to tell Amora I said hi. She *really* wants in Thor's panties." He glanced at Jane, who stomped off to help Thor. "It's the curse of the ex-girlfriend," he quipped. He finished painting marks. "Rogers?"
"What are they for?"
"Protection against a few higher demons who'd love someone who could make me beg and be hers," Xander quipped. He came in to let Xander paint them on his forearm. When he got done, he went up to do it to the other lab safe room's people. Fitz and Simmons already had themselves guarded so that was handy. Stark came in to see what they were all for. Xander had to paint on one line that had a scar through it, but Simmons giggled at the ticklish feeling.
Steve stopped Xander after everyone was protected. "Why were the HYDRA agents scared of you?"
"Because demons who buy souls are really fond of guys like that. Frantic to get free, have some skills they can use, will get them minor status points for being agents." He smiled. "SHIELD used to have a protocol for when demons showed up in their jails to offer soul deals to get free. With a few wanting me because I'm the hardest target they've ever had, they could use them to capture me, or so they'd hope. They also know if they had touched Darrien they would've died very hard. I have no problem with blowing up assholes who have my son. Or calling in a poker debt to have fun with them. Most of my poker debts wouldn't touch Darrien either. They don't want me mad at them. So they'd just have some...fun with the ones holding him while keeping Darrien asleep or something. I'd nicely walk in to find a mess and my kid sleeping in the center of it. Again."
"You did?" Stark asked.
"Yeah, I didn't even have to ask. The one that did it paid off a poker debt that way and then told me where he was. That was the only day he went to preschool." He smiled. "There's an Interpol file on that incident. They asked me why my son wasn't touched so I pulled out my ID and said I had heard it was a poker debt sweetly repaying ten kittens. Not really *amused* inspectors but they appreciated that no one touches what's mine or the slayers without someone showing up to fix it. One tried to take a slayer's girlfriend. Big oops that got stopped by Buffy. Without beating him but he wished really hard after an hour of Buffy trying to get him to give up and give her back the girlfriend."
"Girlfriend?" Steve asked.
"Some of the slayers are bisexual or lesbians, yes." He stared at him. "Five to ten percent of all of humanity is gay or bisexual, Rogers. Why do you think slayers are any different? Our head witch is bi. I'm bi." He shrugged. "Buffy's confused." He walked off, getting some water to bring down there. "Darcy said she's out and we're having dinner with her, guys."
Thor met him at the elevator since he was getting off. "Amora said hello and she thinks it's sweet you've found one like Lady Darcy to be yours. She will refrain from kidnaping you again until after a year of mourning if you lose her."
"Thanks. Not what I'd want then but thanks." Thor nodded, smiling at him. "Have fun with that. Did Jane help?"
"Amora said she would wait to talk to me until Jane had left me for death." He walked off shaking his head. His Jane had just threatened one who was more crazy and powerful than his brother. She had done it with a spoon. Amora had actually been scared of what Jane would do. She was surely a bit too tired at the moment if that threat had been seen as more than a statement of claiming but Amora said she knew women who would fight to the death over their menfolk. So she was backing off for now.
"Hey, find an apple," Xander quipped, staring back at him. "Or something like it." Thor's face lit up and Xander smirked. He went down to help Darcy calm down. She and Darrien were cooking and dancing in the kitchen. He snuck up on his kid, making him squeak but Darcy grinned and pulled him in to help them dance. He was still a dork but she helped and it was fun. Even if they did burn the cauliflower.
***
Darcy came in from lunch the next day sighing in displeasure. Xander met her in the lab hallway. "I hate your friends."
"So do I. That's why I don't talk to them. You didn't tell me they were going to take you out. If so I would've warned you and them off you."
"I can handle them myself."
"Of course you can but Buffy's a bitch and you shouldn't have to handle her or her foul ideas about *normal* people and their usefulness. The same as I shouldn't have to deal with the same thoughts from her."
"She considers you normal?" Darcy demanded.
"Yeah. She didn't mention that?" he shot back, giving her a look.
"She thought you did *support* things."
"That's half my job," he agreed. He looked at her. "You pull her hair out?"
"I'm not a hair puller. If I want to hurt her, I'll break her nose."
"Hit her chin instead. She had to have her nose rebuilt last year after a battle. She'll freak out and try to hit you back."
"Good to know." She stared at him. "She didn't dish out anything I couldn't handle."
"She shouldn't have threatened you at all."
"Friends do that."
"Jane hasn't given me more than the shovel talk, Darcy. Which is what I'd expect from Buffy. You got it from Giles."
"I remember. His was very genteel. Like Jane's mom would've done." She blinked a few times. "She tried to act threatening and be threatening without actually threatening."
He sighed, smiling at her. "Last year she pulled one of the slayer's boyfriend's head clean off while threatening him." She winced. "The guy was an imbecile but not that badly. Though it was nice we found out he was reanimated." He shook his head quickly. "But you're okay? I can threaten her to back the hell off you."
"I'm fine, Xander. She may not appreciate that I can help you do your job but I'm fine with her. I suggested a different knife to clean her nails with because that one was ruining them." He smiled, giving her a hug. "I guess I passed the test."
"She said you were too tough for me and too much like Faith but she'd let us be until we broke up. I told her she was shit outta luck unless that's what you wanted and if you
had been driven off I was going to sell her to someone."
She laughed. "I'm fine. Really." He smiled, walking her back to Jane's lab. She walked in. "Buffy tried to scare me off but she failed miserably."
"I'll make sure she doesn't get Faith into the threatening action," Xander said. "Faith might to make sure you're tough enough in case something happens. I've pointed out what you do here with the team and lab staff. Faith should not try but Buffy can nag you into the stupidest stuff sometimes."
Jane patted him on the arm. "We know how to deal with threatening women, Xander."
"Okay. I just don't want to have them be too mean. I'm sure Darcy can kick them around if she has to but I don't want to make her have to."
Jane nodded. "Which is sweet of you." He grinned.
Darcy kissed him on the cheek. "Go do the construction details."
"Already done," he said with a grin. "But Darrien and I are going to the zoo later."
"Busy or I'd go."
He shrugged but smiled. "We can go some other time with you." She nodded and he kissed her quickly then left.
Darcy sat down, smiling at Jane. "He's very sweet."
"He is. Very protective. Just about as protective as Thor is." Jane gave her a look.
Darcy shrugged but smiled. "He's not the smothering sort that Thor was doing to you before I talked to him about you beating things yourself sometimes."
"Good point. And he's not clingy. Just checking to see if you want to join them."
"They need parent and kid time."
"They do," she agreed. "You can go to the zoo."
"I've got a ton of stuff to do today and we've got plans to all go somewhere tomorrow."
"Okay," Jane said. She got back to work. It was a cutely awkward relationship at times but it was fun to watch.
***
The Babes of the Night.