The Babes of the Night. by Voracity2

The Babes of the Night.

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Stark stopped Xander on his way in that night. "So you and Lewis are serious?"

Xander nodded. "I'm hoping so."

"You two thinking about moving in?"

"No, I've been looking for a real apartment for us for the next year while the new center is being fixed up. I should have something next week."

Stark looked at him. "I could let you move in with her."

"Faulty logic, Stark. She's got one bedroom and we haven't slept together yet. Plus the kid can't really spend all the time on the couch." Stark nodded. "But thanks for the offer." He grinned. "I'm not the sort of guy to move in with my girlfriend unless we're really serious and I'm thinking about rings. I didn't move in with Anya until after I had decided to take her hints about marriage and had bought the ring. Though I proposed about six months later."

"That's a good idea," Stark agreed. "A bit old fashioned but good."

"I do have to think about Darrien before most everything else."

"Point. That's why I don't have kids. I can't do that." Xander smirked. "You can rent from me. There's a few apartments."

"I was hoping for one off-tower so we could get away from all the watching."

He nodded. "That could help. Thor's granted his permission for courting."

"Yeah but you're like a big brother too or we wouldn't be talking and Jane is like a big sister too. Plus most of the others. That and I don't think you guys need to have your training interrupted by the kid genius who freaked Barton out this morning because he snuck off to use his climbing area and got stuck."

"He mentioned that but the kid's fine. He's mannered. Even Pepper thinks he has nice manners."

"I've tried with Eira. Thankfully he takes hints."

Stark nodded. "You're staying here. That way we can make sure no one else comes for either of you without us hearing." He walked off. "I'll set up a rental lease tonight."

"Thank you," he called after him. "I'll get the weapons out of storage."

Stark grinned back at him. "We're used to weapons, even if most of yours are sharp and pointy." He got onto the elevator and left for his lab to send Pepper an email. She was sighing in pleasure about Darcy and Xander. A few others were sighing in displeasure but yay. Tony's tower so Tony's rules.

***

Xander signed the lease and handed over the security deposit and first month's rent then called. "Eira, Xander. We can have the weapons now. Yeah, that's good. It can sit under the bed. Thanks." He hung up and smiled at Stark. "The coven will handle bringing it and *someone's* school books," he said, looking at his son.

Darrien smiled at him. "Do we have to use the same ones since this is New York and not Canada?"

"I'll check into that tomorrow," Xander said. "Still means homework soon."

"I'll beg nicely for a last night of freedom?" he said with a cute, hopeful look. "We can take Darcy to dinner? Maybe somewhere fun too?"

"I'm not sure what she's doing tonight and we'll be putting up weapons for most of the night."

"I can ask her. She might like to help with the swords and stuff."

"She can come help and we'll make dinner."

"Not goat?" he asked with a grimace. "We've had it for the last three days, Dad."

"Fine, not goat." Darrien got up to dance and cheer.

"He's adorable," Pepper said from her seat, smiling at him.

"If I was a tiny bit older I'd flirt with you but I'm still too impressionable and you make me think naughty boy thoughts about skipping school to help you plant your garden," Darrien said with a blush, ducking his head.

Pepper pulled him over to kiss him on the cheek. "You'd need to be at least twenty for me, Darrien, but I still think you're adorable." He blushed brighter and kissed her on the nose then ran off to find Darcy. She smiled at Xander.

"Neither of us know what to do when nice, talented women like you think we're cute, Miss Potts. You're not evil like most of mine have been, and you're not a slayer or hunter like most of the ones he's known." He smiled and left to find his kid.

Pepper sighed. "He's so nice."

Stark looked at her. "Darrien was going to help you take care of yourself by helping you plant a garden."

"It's a good idea. If I was home more often I might let him help me." She got up and strolled off, taking the rental agreement up to her office.

"I'll buy you fruit trees," Tony called after her. "Ones that'll bloom in your office." He did that on his way after her. JARVIS canceled two of them on him and picked something she wasn't allergic to. That was sweet of his AI. Pepper deserved the best of everything for putting up with him.

***

Darrien ran into the lab and climbed up into Darcy's lap with a smile. "We're getting the weapons down tonight if you want to help us put them up and have dinner. Dad even promised no more goat."

She blinked. "I'll be working a tiny bit late tonight but I can come by for a late dinner and help you guys put up weapons." Jane smiled at her, shaking her head as she went to take a break. "Are you happy?"

"I'm very happy and Miss Pepper teased me," he said with a blush, ducking his head. "I'm much too young for her but she flirted and it was sweet."

"It is very sweet but that's because you're so sweet." He snuggled in, hugging her. "Thanks, kiddo."

"You're going to love the weapons. We do."

"I know your dad does."

He looked up at her. "I used to nap with the weapons. It was quieter when I was a baby."

Xander walked in shaking his head. "He did used to sleep in the back of the truck on top of the grenade tubes." He took her back, staring at him. "You're supposed to ask before you climb on people."

"Oops. Sorry, Darcy."

"It's all right, next time you'll ask." He smiled and leaned down to kiss her on top of the head. She hugged him and Xander made him sit up. "I've got to work a bit late tonight because Jane's taking readings tonight from the roof."

"That's fine. You can come over later. I'll make tacos or something." She smiled and nodded. "Okay, we'll go eat and put up the weapons." He winked at her and strolled out. "You have to *ask* before climbing on Darcy or anyone else," he said as they walked toward the stairs. "Or on other people's things, because you're not an Avenger so you should not be in their gym."

"Yes, dad," he sighed. "I needed to exercise."

He stared at his son, pausing on the stairs. "You have exercises to do in the apartment. Don't start. They're not slayers and they don't have to humor you, son."

"If they were slayers I'd hide like a mo fo," Darrien quipped, staring at him. "Because the slayers are usually mean and snotty."

"Only some of them."

"They all have their days."

"You'll learn about women times later, son." He kept walking, taking him down there. He really did have to set some limits with his son. He ran into someone in his apartment. "Hi," he said, smiling at the agent. "Did you need a sword?"

"I was asked to please make an inventory of your weapons."

"I have US approval to hoard any weapons I want, Agent Romanoff." She quirked an eyebrow up. He pulled up the digital copies of those letters. "I have them from seventeen different countries. Including the US." He showed her them.

She handed the phone back. "We would still like to know what you have in case something happens. You could be broken in on." Piles of boxes, bags, and swords, axes, and knives appeared.

"You go ahead and try," he quipped, waving a hand. She tried to touch one and her hand passed through it. She stared at him. He stared back. "I don't think that'll be a problem." He smiled. "Frankly, if Agent Coulson wants to know, he's shit outta luck. We don't answer to you guys or SHIELD or anyone else." He put the kid down, letting Darrien head for the bathroom. That was his standard fall back for hiding from a fight. "I don't care *who* wanted it. This is only for the girls' benefit. We don't loan them out."

"If there's another invasion you wouldn't lend things?" she asked.

"If there's another invasion do you really think the slayers and I wouldn't be there?" he demanded back.

"Point," she admitted. "Still, an inventory would be a good thing to have."

"I have them named. It looks like Eira kept sixteen things." She huffed. "Bob and the three Patricks are all missing." He looked around. "Looks like all the Chucks are missing but they're bladed weapons." She rolled her eyes. He smiled. "You're very good at your job. I've run into a few people you've screwed before, mostly when I needed something for the slayers." He stared at her. "I'm not against your job but I'm not participating in it."

"Do the girls only have these?"

"Hell no," he said with a bright, happy smile. "There's sixteen different warehouses that are magically concealed around the world. This is my collection, minus a few things I'll be asking Eira about."

She blinked. "Yours?"

"Yeah. I need it sometimes and this way I don't have to take from the stuff the girls need. That and half were presents." He shrugged but grinned. "By the way, Gregori said hi if I ran into you."

"You know him?"

"Yeah, I fucked him three or four times for weapons the girls needed suddenly. We're on casually good terms and he congratulated me on dating Darcy. He thinks she's beautiful and more than strong enough to handle most things around my life."

She blinked at him. "Does she know that?"

"Yeah. They met the other night at the bar. She came with me when I was talking to him about something for a specific slayer in Asia the other night. We all had dinner at the bar."

She sighed. "You do not do things like we are used to."

"That's because I'm not an agent. I'm a problem solver. I have to roam around solving problems for the slayers that they can't do on their own plus jump into battles I've made the plans for. Now I have to spend more time at home thanks to the kid. Otherwise I might still be in Africa dealing with huge issues."

"How huge?"

He smiled. "Go ask them."

"I have. Most of my contacts down there have disappeared."

"I'm only responsible for two or three of those. Ask Gregori." He smiled. "But thanks for the offer of help."

"Fine. Do you require help? I can send Barton."

"I don't think I have too many bows," he said, looking around. "My three crossbows....a really ancient crossbow," he said, picking it up to put on the counter. "Does he like swords?"

"I'll send Barnes. He needs out of the way." She left, going to huff to Clint and Steve. Bucky went down to help with the sorting and storing of weapons.

Xander opened the door. "I'm sorry I insulted her but she *presumed* that I'd just hand over an inventory."

"I wouldn't," Barnes said. He walked in and looked. "Is that all of them?"

Xander smiled. "Nope. Just the stuff that had been pulled out of the mystical storage area or hadn't been put up yet. Some are stuff I was fixing. All the Steve's," he said with a point at the swords. "Needed to be sharpened and checked."

"You name them?"

"Yes, and I teach all the slayers the same code so they know what we're talking about," Xander said, looking at him. "They can't remember what type of sword each is. Or official designations for weapons. If I yelled out 'toss me the XR-T3', I'd get stupid looks. So I yell 'toss me the Xavians' and they toss me that."

Bucky nodded. "That makes a lot of sense." He looked around. "Darrien?"

"Hiding from evil redheads," he said with a point. "She's gone, Darrien. Bucky's here."

He peeked out. "Are you sure? Redheads are all evil."

"She's upstairs complaining to Steve," Bucky said. "She's not usually evil."

"It's the red hair," Xander said quietly. "He's used to Rosenburg."

"She's evil." He got back to washing his hands then came out to help set things up. They got an area cleared and Faith appeared with a limp thing over her arm and two bags in the other hand. Darrien took the bags, smiling at her. "Thanks, Auntie Faith."

"You're welcome, kiddo."

"Are you here to meet Darcy? Because if you are you can't be mean to her. I'll have to be mean back if you're mean to Darcy."

"Son!" Xander sighed. "Darcy's a strong woman and she can pick back at Faith if she tries to pick at her." She stared at Faith. "Though I have warned her."

"I'd like to meet the bombshell," Faith said with a smile. "But I'd never be B, X. She felt threatened by a woman with real boobs and real curves."

"Figures."

Faith grinned. "Where?" Xander looked and pointed. The limp thing got hung up and Xander walked through to check it. "Yeah, some of the girls bummed." He huffed. "The rest is coming back tomorrow plus more stuff that needs fixed." He came out to stare at her. She looked then at him. "It's the bracelet." He found his and put it on, going back in there. "I'll order a second one for her." She looked James over, smiling at him. "B never said there were hotties up here." She tested his bicep by squeezing. "Looks like you could keep up with a slayer, cutie."

He smiled. "I usually keep up with Rogers."

"We're better than him." She winked. "Wanna test that?"

"I've been meaning to ask about that." He looked her over. "But I'm not the pushy sort."

"That's even better. Flirting is good for at least a day before funsies, unless there's a battle first."

"Go ahead, Bucky. She can probably kick your ass," Xander said. "Faith's our secondary senior slayer and about tenth or eleventh on our 'kicks ass' list."

"I can test that," he said, smirking at her. "You busy now?"

"Nope. Not a bit." She strolled off. "Darrien?"

"I'm staying here. I see plenty of flirting when I help Dad flirt with Darcy."

She tweaked his ear with a smile. "You're good at it too, kiddo." They went up to the gym to workout.

Xander smiled at Darrien, who came in to turn off the protections so they could get to the real work. He ordered dinner for them when it was time to eat. Darrien cheered at the tacos. When Darcy showed up, Xander took his bracelet off and put it on her. He had ways around it but none of the slayers knew that and he wanted to keep it that way. "It's so you can access the storage area."

She looked at the last few bags that had to be put up then at him. "No weapons?" He led her to look in the stuff he had left out. Plus the storage area. She gasped. He stared at her with a grin. "Wow. This is a ton of weapons."

"We need it a lot. We have huge battles every spring."

She smiled, squeezing his hand. "As long as none of them join any of us in bed."

"Darrien sleeps on top of a few things but otherwise no. Not usually. Now and then my axe will collapse with me though."

"I can handle those days. You'll teach me how to handle her in case I need to move her to treat injuries."

He nodded. "I can do that." She smiled, leaning into him to kiss him gently. He deepened it and smirked at her. "Tacos? He's been good not touching them."

"That's cool." They settled in to eat and talk about the stuff that still needed to be put up. Darrien fell asleep during it leaning against her arm. She smiled, picking him up to take him to his room. Xander got him stripped down and she tucked him in then they went back to eat.

***

Darcy walked into the main common room of the tower the next morning and got paused by all the young women. "Ladies?" she asked. They all stared at her, including Faith where she was making coffee, plus Natasha and Clint were in there. "Did you need Xander?"

"We showed up to do the first day deconstruction. It's a thing," Faith said. "That way it's *our* center even though the crew guys will get most of the work."

"Let me call Xander. He's trying to make Darrien take a shower." She sent a text message. Xander came off the next elevator. "Here he is. Darrien?"

"Washing his back before I scrub him with a rough car brush." He looked at them. "I thought we closed next week." They all pouted. "Let me call Giles." He did that and Giles faxed the information that they had bought it yesterday. "Okay, I was wrong." They all smiled. "Guys, this is Darcy," he said with a hand wave at her. She smiled and waved.

Faith strolled over, staring at her. "I still approve and you handled B well enough. She's a bit of a bitch."

Darcy smiled. "I'm used to it from college. You should see scientists hungry for the little, tiny bit of funding there is."

Faith smirked, punching her on the arm. "Ladies, this is the one that Darrien wants to be his stepmommy." The girls squealed and ran over to talk to Darcy all at once. She smiled and sat with them to talk.

"Let me hurry Darrien up," Xander quipped. "Someone save her from being pounced?" He went back down there.

Dara, the local slayer, came off the elevator. "Why hi there, girls," she quipped, punching Faith on the arm.

Faith smirked at her. "I'm sure you've met Darcy."

"Yup, helped her save some hot guy that the vampy vamps wanted as their toy." She smirked at Clint and Natasha, waving at them. "Hi. We're going to destroy stuff. We're really good at it." Xander came up with the kid and the girls all dragged Darcy with them to the new Council center. Clint and Natasha both waved, letting Xander be the heroic, saving one for Darcy.

Jane came up a half-hour later scowling. "I got some confused voicemail from Darcy that I couldn't understand because of a lot of background babbling."

"The slayers came up to do the symbolic first destruction on their new center and dragged her to get to know her," Natasha said. She sipped her tea and nibbled on her toast with peanut butter.

"There was dozens of them," Clint said with a smile for her.

"Only ten," Natasha corrected. "They simply seemed like a small army."

Jane nodded, smiling. "That's cool. It's good they're liking her and Xander. Darrien with them?" The spies both nodded. "Great." She walked off smiling to tell Thor. He would enjoy that too.

Stark came off the elevator with streaks of grease on his face and in his hair. "Where's Lewis?"

"The slayers dragged her off," Clint said. "They're doing the symbolic first destruction of their new place."

"Ah," Stark said with a smile. "Bouncy girls?" They both nodded. "That's fine I guess. She does earn days off." He looked at the strainer that held cups.

"Don't you dare touch anything with those greasy hands," Natasha warned. "I am not going to stand over you with a whip to make you clean them up." He gave her an odd look. She stared back. "None of the rest of us share your fondness for grease."

"Sorry," he quipped, moving to wash his hands. "Don't want whipped." He found his cup and plucked it up without touching anything else then poured himself some coffee before walking off. A few minutes later he got a text message reminding him that coffee was not food and he had to eat food before science abandoned him when he collapsed like a maiden in his lab. He snorted, but ordered food. He wasn't a maiden and he didn't want to become one either. Steve walked in with the bag of food, so Stark smiled politely and took it. "Thank you." He wouldn't remark on Rogers coming back without apologizing, yet.

"It was at the front desk when I came in from my jog. No Lewis?"

"The slayers dragged her off to help them do some destruction stuff on their new building. She has days off and she's still nagging us to eat, which is her job." He dug into his breakfast, humming in pleasure. "I think I missed dinner," he mumbled between bites.

Steve shook his head. "I'll tell Bucky. He wanted to see if he could teach her how to defend herself better." He walked off. Bucky was out of the shower and making coffee. "The slayers dragged her off to help them."

"That's nice of them," Bucky agreed. "Go shower. I'll start breakfast." Steve nodded, going to do that. He shook his head but kept his mouth shut.

***

Darcy showed up about two, sweating and panting as she came off the elevator. Bucky looked up from watching the news, one eyebrow coming up. "You good?"

"Bit tired. We tore down three walls, met the construction crew, helped Xander remind the girls that sexual harassment of the crew meant they wouldn't do the job and the girls would be forced to stay in the one with only six bathrooms for all of them. They apologized and the construction guys were happier." She flopped down with a sigh. "They all have a lot more energy than I have."

"They probably need it," Bucky said.

"Probably. They ran two blocks to *mug* the ice cream shop for lunch. Including flirting with the shopkeeper until he went to hide behind his female manager. Then Xander came in and reminded them they're *ladies*, not hos, and it got nicer. Then Darrien came in and all the slayers fussed over him until he ran to hide behind the store manager. I came in since Xander had left his wallet. Darrien ran over to hide behind me and told me the slayers were scaring him. I scowled and the girls giggled but Xander scowled and they agreed they could quit scaring people. They got ice cream and went back to help destroy more things. Darrien hid behind his father all the way back and I followed to help them. Xander told me to come feed the scientists while he herded the slayers." She sighed, pushing herself up. "Let me go check to make sure no one's passed out."

"Stark ate because Thor reminded him and Jane. He made them tiny things to eat by hand and nibble as he put it."

Darcy smiled, going down there anyway then to shower and change. They had a planned dinner tonight without the kid, since there were handy babysitters around. She came out wearing a pretty blue dress and in heels, going down to the science floor. "Don't you dare mess me up," she announced as she walked into the SHIELD team's lab.

Jemma smiled at her. "You look darling in that, Darcy."

"Thank you. Did you guys remember to eat today?" Fitz waved his burger and Jemma pointed at her tea cup. "Jemma, you need more than tea. Do you want to be the lab maiden in distress when you pass out?" Leo choked and spluttered but shook his head, leaning on their work table. Jemma and Darcy both pounded him on the back, making him flap a hand at them.

Jemma smiled at her. "I'll get some biscuits before Leo has to be put to bed for his own health." She went to get some cookies from the vending machine and came back eating them. Leo was being put onto their lab couch by Darcy then Darcy patted her before going downstairs. She handed him a cookie. He nibbled it. "She did look nice."

"Yes she did," he said, still sounding hoarse and weak. "Xander's a lucky man."

"Yes he is. She's a wonderful girl." She went back to their work while he recovered. He'd be fine in a bit.

Darcy walked into Stark's lab, looking around. "Nothing that'll mess me up?"

"Not today," he said, spinning around from his tinkering with something. He blinked a few times. "Date tonight?" he guessed. She smiled and nodded. "Wow." She smirked, patting him on the arm as she made him coffee. "I have some."

"Yes, that cup has mold though. Let's get you a clean cup of coffee. You probably don't need the extra antibiotics." She gathered up all the empty coffee cups and plates, heading up to wash them for him. When she came back, a little damp but still good enough, he was actually drinking clean, hot coffee and eating a sandwich. "Good job!" she quipped. "Did you remember to call Pepper today?" He winced and called her. "And don't forget the stuff for that meeting she wanted you at tomorrow, like clean clothes?"

"Crap. I need to send stuff out to be washed," he muttered, walking off talking to Pepper.

Darcy followed, going up to Bruce's lab. He was working so she cleared her throat from the doorway. He looked at her, eyes wide. "It's almost three in the afternoon, have you eaten breakfast?" she asked with a smile.

He looked at his watch then shook his head with a sigh. "Not since four this morning."

"Then maybe you should have a brunch and a nap?"

"I think I can do that," he said with a smile. "You look nice."

"Thank you. I have a date tonight." She winked and strolled off. "Do I need to bring you food?"

"No, I can make my own lunch," he promised with a grin.

She grinned and skipped off again. "Oh, Jane!" she called as she walked into her lab. "Has the pop tart fairy shown up in the last hour or so?"

"Thor made me nibbling things," she said from under a machine. "Give me a wrench?"

Darcy looked and handed the adjustable one over. "How long ago was the nibbling?"

Jane rolled out of the cavity, staring at her. "Wow, pretty."

"Dinner date." She smiled. "Pop tart fairy?"

"Coffee?" she begged.

"Coffee I can do." She went to make her some and brought her a cup with a straw. Jane smiled, going back to fixing her machine. "Stark's doing laundry and Bruce is upstairs. I had to put Leo onto his couch but Jemma's working if you need help," she offered at the frustrated grunting.

"I could use Leo and Jemma."

She called up there. "Jemma, Jane could use some fixing help of a machine she's created if you two aren't too busy?" She smiled. "We have a coffee maker down here. Stark insisted when he heard we didn't have one. He told us there was a coffee fund written into the grants." She laughed. "Sure. Thanks, guys." She hung up. "Ten minutes, Jane. Let me finish inputting this information."

"I did it," Jane sighed.

"I noticed it's all in the wrong spaces," she quipped back. She fixed it by copying and pasting back into the right spots then filing the original notes. Fitz and Simmons walked in chatting and over to where Jane was working. "Thanks, guys." She got to the new information and input all that while the three geniuses worked on the poor machines. Jemma was fascinated by all the duct tape. Leo and Jane were talking about what the machine was supposed to do. Darcy made sure the coffee kept coming and there were things they could eat while they worked on the poor thing.

***

Bucky looked up from reading as Darcy came off the elevator after her date. She didn't look pleased. "It go that badly?"

"The restaurant was attacked by an arms dealer who *demanded* Xander come pay attention to her. When it was pointed out he was on a date, the woman got huffy that he had me and didn't immediately fall at her feet like some dog. So they had a fight outside, after he pulled her out of the restaurant by her hair, and then he came back in and we needed to go before her second-in-command showed up. So we went for a lesser dinner, which was nice, but then agents showed up to ask him about that ex. He spotted the agent walking in and made fun of him, which he just *loved*, and then told him that who he slept with to get the slayers a weapon two years earlier, while in Asia, was none of his business.

"The agent didn't like that answer. He tried to get me to go and I pointed out we were having a date and the agent was rude. If he needed to know that much, I was sure Xander had a legal authority. Which meant Xander pulled out copies of the 'I can own any damn weapon I want' paperwork. The agent nearly had a fit. The gang member in the restaurant, in the back room having a dinner with *his* girlfriend, got paranoid and stormed out to take out the agent. He fist bumped Xander, and suddenly I'm realizing I have no idea how to live in his world." She flopped down with a huff. "I thought maybe being a stepmom would be the weird thing. Not his ex's being on multiple lists."

Bucky stared at her oddly. "Who was the arms dealer?"

She shrugged. "She didn't want to introduce herself."

"Ah." He nodded. "Does Stark know?"

"I don't care." He smiled. "She even offered us a threesome. Then she told Xander I wasn't adventurous enough for him since I turned her down."

Bucky stared at her. "Is he usually like that?"

"I haven't known him that long. He's usually sweet and a bit dangerous but protective and all manly and all that around me. I didn't realize he had ex's that were going to show up to talk to us during things. I expected some ex's but not arms dealers really."

Bucky nodded. "I wouldn't have expected it of him either." He stared at her. "Is he too dangerous for you?"

"I don't think so. I've seen him at some battles, and I went looking for youtube videos of them. It's not much different than you guys go through." He nodded once. "But I don't know about his ex's showing up and getting all demanding and weird."

"We can help her be arrested."

"He might need her to help the slayers sometime in the future."

"Point, but there's always other arms dealers around."

"And how many of them are going to be ex's showing up?" she countered. "Being all freaky and weird and b.t.dubs, kinda freaky with the way she stared at my boobs while drooling. She even took stuff off my plate to nibble while they talked and while she was ignoring me after I turned down her generous offer."

"She probably expected you to stab her to prove you wanted Xander more," Bucky said.

"Does he need me to be that tough?"

"You'd have to ask him," Bucky said with a shrug.

"I should but he's off yelling at an agent sort who was also an ex as it turned out, and got freaky about said arms dealer. The agent ex suggested they could pick up Darrien and go to Tahoe for the weekend, he was insistent he could get his partner's fishing cabin. Then he stared at me for a minute and said 'bring her, she'll be fun'. Until I punched him."

Bucky smiled. "Good job."

Clint came off the elevator and paused to hug Darcy around the head. "Nice job but next time taze the dick. He deserves it." He went into the kitchen, coming out with an orange to peel and eat. "What did he want anyway?"

"To kidnap Xander and Darrien to his partner's fishing cabin. Do you think he needs me to be as tough as the arms dealer that showed up tonight to demand sexual favors?" Clint choked, shaking his head. "Sorry."

"Arms dealer?" She shrugged. "Where were you two?" She named the restaurant and where they were in it. Then where they went afterward. He got into the computer while calling Natasha up. Bucky took the computer to do it for him. The fancy one had a nice security system. Natasha came off the elevator adjusting her t-shirt over her sports bra and shorts. "Xander has an arms dealer ex, and one that's Flinton."

"He stooped that low?" she asked, looking at Darcy.

"I hit him for suggesting Xander bring me for fun."

"Next time, use the tazer," Natasha said with a grimace. "He's clearly stepped up a large step with you." She took the keyboard from Bucky to do it for him, and faster. "Where else are we looking...is that Poloma?"

"That's what Xander called her I think. Something like that," Darcy said with a grimace. "I wanted to stab her."

"You should have," Natasha and Clint said together, looking at her. She smiled a tiny bit back. They went back to looking and sent in a report to an agent they liked.

Steve came out of his area, staring at the picture. "Do we have to deal with them?" he asked. "And why is Xander talking to them?"

"That's an agent," Darcy said with a point. "He was wondering why Xander had sexed up the bad girl in the other capture."

"Xander has some really slightly evil contacts," Clint said. "I need some of those."

Natasha patted him on the knee. "If you did, I'd have to take them out before they wanted me for sexual favors."

He grinned at her. "I'd never trade you for weapons, even really cool arrows, Nat."

"Thank you." She went back to hacking. "The current agent talking to him is an even bigger dick. Steve, please go stop him by stunning his puny mind." He nodded with a sigh, going down there. The agent spotted him and his eyes went wide as he slowly backed away and ran off. Xander punched him on the arm, going upstairs with him. Natasha looked at Darcy. "He doesn't necessarily need someone that tough but able to protect themselves is probably a need."

"I can mostly do that."

Xander came off the elevator with Steve, pausing to kiss Darcy on the head. "You are not a slayer and I'd never expect you to be a slayer, but you have to be able to get yourself out of somewhere if necessary, probably with the sprout."

"Thanks. I was hoping you didn't need me to stab them. How many others like her are there?"

"Many but they were useful and still mostly are. I'd never go back with them. They were all pathetic in bed." He grinned. "I'm sure you're not."

"I'd hope not. I've never had a complaint."

He smiled with a wink. "Some day we'll get to find out. I'll tame back my stamina issues."

"Stamina?" Clint asked.

"My last real ex, Anya, wanted a lot of sex after me working construction all day and going on patrol. She complained a *lot* if she didn't get at least four orgasms a day."

Clint blinked at her but Natasha said it. "When did you sleep?"

"Sundays when I had a few hours off," he quipped with a grin. "I'm fantastic but I admit I have stamina issues. Poloma was a hugely long weekend to get the six rocket launchers but she was kinda weak at the having orgasms or fun. She complained that I got her off at all." He shook his head quickly. "Definitely not what I'm used to. Her security guys kept giving me dirty looks for making her take a nap with sex." He shrugged. "It happens I guess."

"I don't need four but I always really like at least one," Darcy quipped with a grin for him.

"One I'm excellent at," he said with a smirk and a wink. "We'll see after a few more dates. I'm definitely not that easy unless I have to get weapons for the slayers." He kissed her for real and winked at her. "I'm going to sleep so I can go nag the construction crew into not hiding tomorrow. It'll take about a week before they're not hiding from the slayers pinching them again. Happy dreams, Darcy."

"Sweet dreams, Xander," she said with a smile. He left on the elevator. She sighed, looking at the staring agents. "What?"

"I was just thinking that many men would've used that situation to talk you into bed," Natasha said. "Not many men are that honorable any longer."

Clint nodded. "He's smoother than I am."

Darcy smiled. "He is really sweet." She stood up. "Thanks, guys." She went down to her apartment to settle in and have a few fantasy moments about him.

Clint looked at Natasha. "I never want to fight against him for a girl's attention."

"I'll go ask him about some of his contacts," she said, getting up and walking off. "You never will have to compete against him. You don't like the same sort of women." She stepped onto the elevator and went down to where Xander was living, tapping gently on his door. He opened it, wearing the same dress pants and a t-shirt. "We should talk about some of your contacts."

He smirked. "There's a huge list with Interpol somewhere thanks to another ex who got snoopy. That plus that one reporter in Syria."

She arched an eyebrow up. "Really?" He nodded. "Are there many that you are annoyed at and not keeping?"

"Six or seven that've survived in the years I've known them."

"Which reporter and which inspector?" He pulled up their cards on his phone, letting her see them. "Thank you for not making us wonder."

He smirked. "Leave the ones I might need to go to again alone. I won't do anything with them if I'm in a relationship but we can still buy cheaply from most of them."

"We'll see." He smirked evilly. She smirked back and tipped her head then left. "Does Coulson know?"

"Yeah, he blew his stack when he found me with one up there. May had a stroke or something so I sent them to the temple to get them out of my house. He's still probably grumbling about that. But we need him so sorry." He closed the door, going to have some nasty dreams he didn't usually get to have with the kid in the next room.

Natasha came back up, pulling up those people to see if she could find their files. Interpol was secure but she could crack personal files. The reporter apparently only wrote things down but one had been in a story that got buried by an emergency happening down there.

Clint stared at it. "Isn't that the walking disease?"

"Yes, but it lists that they're only business partners, not sexual ones," Natasha said.

Bucky shook his head slowly. "I remember sniping two of those. I think I was supposed to get another one but they disappeared."

Natasha highlighted one. "That one?" Bucky nodded. "She went to prison for a year."

"That figures," Steve said. "Why does he know those sorts?"

"How do you think the slayers get weapons?" Clint asked. "The governments won't give them over."

"I didn't think about that."

"He also managed to get those sorts into battles where they needed more fighters," Natasha said, reading a section. She brought that up so they could read it. "I could not manage that."

"Me either," Clint said. "Those governments wouldn't do anything if asked."

"I guess since it was so important they stepped up," Bucky said, blinking hard. "He got rebels into it?"

"Yes, it says he did," Natasha said, nodding in appreciation. Clint was shaking his head but sighing. She looked at him. "The girls would appreciate more hunters if you wanted to switch careers. They seem to appreciate your bow." He smirked at her and said something that made her and Bucky both laugh. "That is not anatomically possible, as you know."

"Bet me. You do yoga, you can bend that way, Natasha." He got up and strolled off. "I'm going to have nightmares about all the girls pouncing you. Because if I did that, then my best friend would get to help mentor the slayers."

She shuddered. "I do not think I can do that." Bucky leaned up to pat her on the shoulder. "Thank you." She went to her own rooms to hide from that very nasty thought.

Steve sat down to go over that information. "What was that huge that you needed that sort of force?"

"That looks like a proper name," Bucky said with a point, taking the keyboard to highlight it and do a search. "A hell goddess. I'd want help."

Steve nodded. "Me too. I'm not cut out for that." They shared a look and turned that off then went to their own rooms to hide in case more of Xander's ex's showed up to woo him. They would have to do something if they saw them.

***

Stark stopped Xander the next morning when he came out. "Arms dealers?" he demanded quietly. He looked around.

"He was helping Dara and Faith have a movie night last night," he said. "Yes, I know a few. Not like anyone gave the slayers weapons."

"How many did you have to get? And should we expect to need to clean slime off you someday soon?"

"I'd never touch anyone when I'm with someone, Stark. I'm not trifling and I haven't cheated since high school." Stark grimaced. "Not sure if it was my idea or not. Just...seemed to happen and it was weird." He shrugged. "I've been out of school for over a decade now."

"Fine. How many weapons do you have?"

"Many. Ask Barnes, he helped me sort them."

"Uh-huh." Xander stared at him. "How many did you bring here?"

"A few. Mostly they're obscured. Why?"

"What if we're attacked?"

"The kid knows how to get to the things he knows how to use. He also knows how to use the emergency thing to get out of the danger. I made sure of that once he could walk."

"Good!" He stared at him. "Let's see the weapons. How many are mine?"

"I don't think any are yours. Especially not in my part of the armory." He leaned on the doorway. "I think only one thing of yours showed up and it was older and used against the twin hell goddesses and that was from a regional military if I remember right."

"Uh-huh. Let's see."

"What makes you think the protections on the weapons would let you in?" He stared at him.

"You can. Now please. Before I have to tell Steve and have him come be all Captain America on you."

"Yeah, he falls to a bullet in the balls too." He smirked slightly. "My axe is in there. A few swords...."

"A mystical portal," Stark shot back, staring at him, smirking back. "Don't try to bullshit the artist."

"You're Prince, really?" he quipped with a grin.

Stark used his master key to open the door. "Fine, I'll go look."

Xander followed, letting him try to get into the portal. No go. It wouldn't open for him. Xander stared at him when Stark looked at him. "It's protected, even if the building is blown up. Only a few people can get in there by design, Stark. Including the kid if he has to hide in there."

"Uh-huh." He stared at him. "Let's see them."

"Why? So you can grunt about them? None are yours. And didn't someone do an inventory because they got nagged into it?"

"I saw that, and it's dumb."

"The girls don't remember proper names. That solves all that." Stark glared. "Not my fault. They have a lot of other things to remember. They usually only need artillery a few times a year. That way they know what they're handling. It was a practical solution when you have teenage girls handling artillery."

"Still, let's see it." Xander pointed at the portal. Stark glared. "Not cute."

"It's a protection. It works against most everyone." Stark glared harder. He tossed over the code bracelet that Darrien usually wore. Stark put it on and walked in then came back out shaking his head. Xander walked in to look then up. He had heard from a vision that she had been sent back already. "Willow Goddamn Rosenburg! Put it the fuck back! NOW! Unless you're going to go replace it?" It all reappeared with everything and a few things that he hadn't had. He sent a text message and a few other things showed up. Another text message got the other doorways opened to that one and he went to steal the others back. Then they closed and Darrien ran over. "Who took it?"

"The evil queen. She thought your ex's would make you look bad to Darcy. I yelled, Dad."

"I'm sure you did. You sound hoarse." He hugged him. "We'll try the other six storehouses later."

"Auntie Faith, Eira, and Dara all did," he said with a grin. "Because Auntie Buffy yelled at the evil queen about it. She said she'd make you look bad in front of Darcy."

"She's definitely making me look bad in front of Stark."

Darrien leaned over his dad's arm to smile and wave at him. "There's usually a lot more but the evil queen expanded the space." He looked around. "It's taller too." They stared as the doors reopened and then suddenly all the weapons were there.

Xander put him down and patted him on the head. "Go." He ran out. "Stark, go. That only happens if the other storage areas are under attack." Stark left. Xander stared at everything. "We're missing nine-tenths of everything," he said quietly, sending that text to Faith. Everything disappeared to the super secret storage area. He pulled that box out to set that up and go check it. It was all there. He came out and closed it back up. "Okay, we're set. Darrien, did anyone call?"

"Auntie Faith said there's a huge apocalypse battle," he said, handing over that phone. Xander looked. "I'll be here."

"Yes you will. Stay off the communication. Do your homework. Eat lunch if I'm not back. Check in with Darcy every hour by phone." He nodded, going to do that. "Sorry, gotta go do this and he's done this before," he said at Stark's opening mouth. He looked up. "Beam me up," he called. He disappeared.

Stark walked off calling the team. "There's an apocalypse battle somewhere," he said as he came off the elevator. "Lewis, Darrien's to check in with you hourly."

"He sent me a text already telling me what was going on. The battle's in DC." She pointed at the news report.

"We can go," Clint said, zipping up his vest. The others got their uniforms, weapons, and left. The girls were being overrun. Even with the higher weapons.

Darcy sat there and watched, biting her lip. Jane and Pepper joined her but she barely paid them any attention. "Why are they attacking DC?"

"It looks like they want their soul contracts cashed out," Pepper said. "Two of the ones on the stage, tied to the poles, are noted on a few lists as having sold themselves." She got them all a drink and they watched. It was nasty. A few of the girls fell. Stark got shot down out of the sky. Clint was taking out one of the higher demons with some of the girls. Natasha and Steve were focusing on the secondary target. Bucky was firing off the artillery at whichever demon was closer with Xander. Then Xander dove in with his axe to save a few of the girls that were trapped.

Darcy's teeth went through her lip but she didn't care. Xander was injured. You could see the blood on his shoulder and neck. The others were bleeding too though. Darcy texted Darrien to make sure he wasn't watching anything. He promised he was watching cartoons while doing math homework. She sighed and texted the medical team. They said they were aware and ready for whoever came back.

Jane winced as Thor got knocked down by one of the demons. "Ow, poor Thor."

"Poor everyone," Pepper said. Darcy nodded, staying silent. "Darcy, you can not watch if you want."

"Hell no. I want to see. I need to," she said, glancing at Pepper.

"I know that feeling," she agreed. "I hate to watch it though." Tony was firing on one of the demons, they were all focusing on one at Buffy's orders. Clint, Faith, and two other slayers were getting hostages free. One of the demons tried to hit Faith but she ducked and Clint fired at it as he moved the others. One of the hostages died. Then there was an axe in the demon's forehead. It died. The slayers let out a cheer and moved on to fight the rest. Darcy winced as Xander's leg got injured. Buffy ordered the witches to evacuate him and he ordered them not to.

He pulled his axe out of the demon's forehead and moved to another one. There were agents finally getting there and Xander ordered them to start evacuating the injured slayers. They got them out of the way and to the waiting ambulances. The agents moved up to take some of the artillery Bucky and Xander had pulled out. Bucky told them about the one demon in charge and they called that in to get more support. They watched as Buffy got knocked down and Steve Rogers got in the way of the killing blow against her. His shield saved her. Then Xander's axe came out of the demon's back. It screamed but threw it away. One of the agents went after it and brought it back while Xander used a sword he took off a fallen slayer.

The girls grouped behind Faith and Xander, making another push against the demon. Steve Rogers called a few to help him do a pincher maneuver against it. Xander nodded and they followed that. Bucky stepped up and the girls included him so they could have another team leader. Someone tried to touch the portal but got shocked for it. Xander tossed someone something and they ran in to get more weapons to use. They were the only one that could do that.

Reporters were speculating on why that agent but no one was guessing he was an ex or anything like that. Then Xander got to the secondary demon he was focused on. He threw it over his hip and killed it with a stab to the head. That left the main demon in the clear to be surrounded. The girls fell on it and it died with a scream and spraying of ichor. Xander set it on fire and the girls all spit on it before walking off. "Medical," Xander ordered, leaning on his sword. "Brad, put the rest back please." He nodded, having Bucky's help to do that. Then Bucky took the portal down and carried it off. "Thank you. Ladies, medical!" he said more loudly. "Now."

"When you go we will," Faith said, staring at him.

"We all know I'm not going to trust any doctor on any continent with me. I'll be doing my own but there's some decent hospitals in this city so you guys can all get stitches from them instead of me and Giles." He pointed. "Now. Before I sic the kid on you."

"Yeah, babysitting while injured sucks," one of the other slayers said as she limped off. "And he fusses over us."

"Yup, I taught him well," Xander quipped. He limped off after the last few slayers. He stopped to stare at one agent. "Do I need to go lurk in an ER to make sure they're all right? Because if that General Douchebag tries for them I'm going to shove a rocket launcher up his ass again. And this time I won't be talked out of ruining him for prison sex."

"He's not in town, Mr. Harris, and agents are watching over your girls. They are not harming them or directing anything, simply guarding them and making sure they get back to Cleveland as soon as they can. Two agents are on honor guard in the morgue," he said more quietly. Xander sighed but nodded. "We're aware of the last time General Ross came at your slayers. We don't want a repeat of that. Any part of it." Xander smiled coldly. "We can treat your injuries and not do anything like pull blood."

"Hell no, but thank you." He looked at the witches, who nodded at him and he disappeared. Giles was on site to handle the slayers calming down and getting home. He appeared in his apartment with a groan. Darrien peeked out of his bedroom then came over to take his axe from him. "Give me the stitching kit, kiddo."

"Is everyone okay?"

"No. There's a lot of slayers in the ER. Thankfully good agents are watching over them for me." Darrien got him the first aid kit then went back to his room. "Thanks, kiddo."

"You're welcome, Dad. Some day I'll be a doctor."

Xander smiled. "We'd all like that. Even if you decided to be a doctor like Miss Jane is." Darrien grinned, going back to his homework. Xander got to work on his stitches. When someone knocked Darrien ran out to answer it. "Who is it?" he asked, working on a stitch.

"It's a nurse, Dad."

Xander leaned over to look at them. "I can do it. Thank you."

"Are you a doctor?"

"Field medic and with the weird things in my blood I don't let anyone touch it."

"Are you contagious?"

"I don't know if you can get mermaid taint from my blood or not."

"We have gloves." She walked in and hauled him up. "I've had worse patients and while you've got a good hand we don't allow that here, Mr. Harris."

"You guys are for the Avengers team, not slayer's people."

"They're not back yet so we're bored. You're great practice before we have to strap down Mr. Stark to do his stitches." She hauled him up there with Darrien following but carrying a short sword. She stared at him in the elevator. "Do you need that?"

"If you hurt my father? Yup, sure the fuck do," he said. He got batted on the head by his father. "So? It's a good time to swear."

"My kid would too," the nurse said, hauling him into the infirmary. "He has mermaid taint he's worried will hurt someone."

The doctor put on two pairs of gloves and a mask. "We can handle that. You can sit in the waiting area, kid. You don't need to see this."

"I've seen Dad doing his own stitches before."

"So? This time you can't. Official doctors don't let you." He let Xander be hauled into the exam room so they could work on the stitches. He was clearly exhausted because he barely fought with them. They gave him gatorade while they worked and he didn't even ask for local. With how many scars he had they understood why.

Darcy walked in and right to Darrien, giving him a hug. She took the sword. "I can use that," he complained.

"So can I, and the doctors know not to piss me off because I'll bring Jane back. The last time she was in here they had to change staff." He grinned. She walked in there. "How bad and do I need to get him any meds ordered?"

"He might use an antibiotic," a nurse said. Xander shook his head. "Allergic?"

"Never had any. Don't want to start."

"Uh-huh. You've never had any?" the doctor asked.

"No, not even when the hacks took out my appendix." He finished the gatorade and tossed the bottle into the trash.

"Why didn't you have antibiotics for your appendix?" the doctor asked.

"Because the hacks in Sunnydale were more interested in the money they got for bodies and parts than saving people. I was seven and I managed it then. Actually, Willow was going to take it out for me but her mom came home unexpectedly after breaking her ankle so she made me go to the ER when it burst." He shrugged a tiny bit. "She probably would've done a better job too."

The doctor stared at him. "Are they still around?"

"Not a clue. You'd have to look up whoever was at Sunnydale General last. Am I done?"

"Fat chance," the nurse said. "We have another six cuts and the one on your shoulder is deeper." Darcy winced. "There's a waiting room, Miss Lewis."

"I'm staying and if you try to push me out I'm bringing Jane back."

The nurse looked at her. "Making terroristic threats is always a bad idea."

Darcy smiled. Xander giggled. "Xander, do you need anything?"

"Lunch. An update from DC." He swallowed. "People not to stab me with things." The nurse smiled and did it again. "I don't need that."

"I don't care. You need it when we do your shoulder."

He pointed at a scar on his side. "I did that one myself in the middle of nowhere in the rainforest after a battle. I didn't have it then and all I had was floss."

The nurse stared at him. "You're insane. We thought Stark was bad." Xander snorted but looked pleased. "Tough, we're doing it the right way and prepping for the team to come back."

Pepper walked in. "They're about a half-hour out." She stared at Xander's injuries. "Are you going to need to keep him?"

"For stitches?" Xander asked. "I would've done them myself but the mean nurse sort," he said with a point. "Pulled me off by my arm. She demanded."

Pepper stared at him then at Darcy. "You can baby him."

"I can. Jane will be busy babying Thor." Xander groaned. "I'll have help from Darrien."

"Yup, you will," the kid called. "Can we order groceries so we can cook for him, Darcy? That way he doesn't make us snake again?"

"You liked it," Xander called.

"So? I want regular food, Dad. Can we have hamburgers?"

"Sure," he sighed. "We can have hamburgers when I'm out of here."

"JARVIS, take my grocery list down please," Darcy said, making it on her phone.

"Done, Miss Lewis," the AI said. "It shall be delivered within an hour. The fees were taken from your bank card."

"Thanks, J." She went to look at Darrien. "Let's get you downstairs to clean up so all he has to do is lounge around?" He shook his head. "I'll make sure he's okay and I'll walk him down myself. But I know his room's probably a mess."

"I can nap on the couch," Xander said.

She leaned in there again, staring at him. "You want to nap on the couch in your boxers?"

"Well...." He considered it then sighed. "Yeah. I'll need to call around and I hate being in bed."

"Okay." She went to get Darrien to help her fix things up for him. By the time she went back up for Xander, the team was coming in and he was done. She walked him down there to put him onto the couch, letting Darrien tuck him in, and then they got to work cleaning up the mess the kid had made in the living room. Darcy accepted the groceries and got to work making hamburgers for the kid. He deserved them. He must be driven nuts by his dad getting into battles. She was. She and Darrien worked together, he needed to know how to cook regular food too. Xander watched while calling people for updates.

***

Clint came down that night, staring at Darrien since he had answered the door. "The docs said to come check on his injuries."

Darcy popped out of the bedroom with a smile. "He's okay, Clint. I helped him take a washcloth bath and he's resting. They're clean and looking okay."

"Good. How long did he take to hit the infirmary?"

"The nurse pulled him up there by his arm," Darrien said with a scowl. "Dad handles his own and mine. She was rude."

Clint looked down at him then at Darcy. "He does?" She nodded, lips pressed together. "That's hard core of him." He patted the kid on the head. "We'll see you guys tomorrow. Jane said to call her in the morning. She's not sure if Thor's going to be up to getting out of bed." He left again, going up to tell Stark that. "He does his own stitches usually. The nurse made him go to the infirmary." Steve gave him a horrified look. "Darrien and Darcy both said that."

Stark blinked, shaking his head. "Wow. I thought I hated the doctors poking me."

Steve looked at him then at Clint. "I've had to do it in the field for injuries but at home?"

"Some guys hate the doctors," Clint said. "I do." He walked off. "I'm glad it's not SHIELD medical anymore." Natasha let out a bitter sounding snort. "You're not glad it's not the inquisitioners any more?" he quipped.

"They never treated me as poorly as they did you because I wisely did not fight with them," she quipped back. She walked out sipping her tea. "Do we know why the slayers hated hospitals?"

"I heard a hated name mentioned," Stark said, glancing at Bruce.

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me about Ross," Bruce complained, putting his sore ankle up on a table. "Or that other people probably wanted to see what made a slayer special."

"How far up do you think he got that rocket launcher?" Bucky asked, considering it. "That'd take a lot of shoving." Steve glared at him. "Xander said he had."

Stark looked it up and smirked, showing him that file that had been on SHIELD's hard drive. "I think he nearly made it all the way in."

Bucky shuddered. "At least it was a small one. He has some old style ones down there that had a lot wider openings." Stark shuddered too.

"Was he saving one of the slayers?" Steve asked. Stark nodded, showing him that part of the file. "Oh, three slayers they had hostage. Pretty beaten up too. Looks like Ross paid for it too."

"Hopefully," Bruce agreed with a smile. "He earned it many times over I'm sure." He got up to walk off with that happy thought. General Ross was still trying to capture and torture him so he could rip apart the Hulk. Anything that made that man hurt was fine in his book, unless it bothered his ex Betty.

Stark put down the file and got up to go make himself dinner. Steve looked at Bucky, who shrugged back. They went in to make their own dinners. "I miss coming home to food," Bucky admitted as he walked in.

"She was busy babying the two new men in her life," Stark quipped with a smirk for him. "But I'm sure we'll have some next time if we ask nicely. Pepper would've ordered for us if she had thought about it."

Steve nodded. "That's nice of them. I guess it helps ease worries."

"It probably does," Pepper agreed as she walked in. "I didn't think about it, guys. Sorry."

"That's fine," Tony said with a smile for her. "Darcy was too busy babying Xander so it's good." She smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "Everyone else good?"

"We're all fine. It's going good. Xander's gotten a lot of updates according to Darrien when I stopped down there to check on him. Darcy made them hamburgers because he begged for normal guy food."

"He probably has a varied diet thanks to traveling," Steve said. "Bruce does. Do you actually eat ants? I heard him mention them."

"In some areas, there's a huge drought," Pepper said. "I'm pretty sure you eat whatever you can." He nodded he knew about that.

"We had squirrel plenty of times during the war," Bucky reminded him. "If we had to eat ants, we would've boiled them too probably. Though Jacques probably would've put a sauce on them to cover that up."

"Or ground them so they're just tiny bits you can't identify," Stark agreed.

"That too," Steve agreed. "That's weird. Where do you even find those in the US?"

"Ethnic markets," Pepper said. "There's a few of them in the city."

"People in Asia put grasshoppers in lollipops," Stark said. "There's places you can probably order them if you can't find it here in New York. We are one of the capitols of food snobs. They were probably fed all organically grown grass and then washed with the tears of virgins," he quipped.

"Tears of virgins? In this city?" Bucky quipped. "Where do they get them?"

"Probably at one of the Catholic schools," Stark shot back with a grin.

"Not in our day. Those girls were usually less chaste than the average to push back at the nuns."

Pepper nodded. "Some are today too. They're generally considered better public schools though." She walked off. "I'm going to nap, guys. Good night."

"Night, Pepper," Tony said, smiling at her back.

"Night," Steve and Bucky said together, Steve waving a bit.

Steve looked at Stark. "I've seen things about foodies but didn't get it."

"They're the great food snobs." Stark looked at him. "All sorts of problems from the food snobs in the world sometimes. Like the organic thing. They're all against pesticides, which I agree with, but then they don't realize it's already in the ground water that's watering the plants. You'll never get fully pesticide and everything else free food unless you're filtering the water with a super filter, better than anything you can use to get filtered, purified water. And even before all that, they took it out of rivers that had fish, so therefore fish bits and fish pee and fish crap. So still not all that great for you." He shrugged. "But to them if it's not *organic* it's not *right*. They're all about being free of certain things, mostly because it's fashionable."

"Is that with the gluten free thing?" Bucky asked.

Tony nodded. "That's part of it. Some people do have sensitivity to gluten, and some have allergies or celiac disease. Half the people on the gluten free kick, especially the popular people on it, are on it because it's the new 'in' thing. It's the present diet fad. They go in cycles, and now we're finally away from spinning as the hot new workout and all that stuff."

"There's fads to working out?" Steve asked. "What happened to just going to the gym and lifting weights?"

"That's not *fashionable*, Steve. Now you go and you do crossfit, which has some weight lifting but also other stuff, or yoga, which Bruce does to stay calm, and then you can go do military style PT under the watch of someone who supposedly went through it, but not totally truthful about it. You can take lessons on belly dancing or how to do stripper stuff to workout. You can go to spinning, which is riding a stationary bike with a person yelling at you to pedal faster. There's all sorts of workout styles today that have nothing to do with a weight bench. Though I did remember to put one downstairs for you. It's in the little cleared area where Natasha broke the tread climber."

"Was that the machine that had you doing stairs?" Steve asked.

"Yup." He stuffed his mouth with a piece of pepper he was slicing. Steve moved to help him.

"We used to just walk up the stairs," Bucky said with a grimace. "No one had elevators."

"Now we do and they're great for most things but I wouldn't walk all the way up here to the eighty-fifth floor," Stark said, giving him a look.

"Good point. I've tried some of those. They're adjustable." Stark nodded, putting some beef bits into a pan. "Is that organic?"

"Yup, because Bruce insists it helps him. Though he's not eating tonight." He looked and added some pork, which Bruce didn't like to eat all that often for some reason. That was fine with them, they needed the meat. Bucky and Steve finished chopping veggies to throw in for a fast stir fry and Stark even put on noodles to round it out. They each took a third and wandered their own ways. Stark had things to tinker with while the two old friends needed to do some more talking. Of course they ran into Darrien in the hallway, he was sneaking off toward the gym. Bucky picked him up under one arm and carried him back, running into Darcy in the hallway.

She took him back with a grin. "He claimed he was giving us space to smooch and talk like adults about giving him a sibling some day. Sorry, guys."

"It's fine," Bucky said with a grin for her. "He's sweet to think of it."

"We've barely started to date. It's not time to talk about siblings yet." She looked at Darrien. "I don't have kids before a wedding, kiddo." She walked him off to talk to him about that.

"We can help you two get married," Darrien said with a grin. "We can even go visit the two slayers in exile in Vegas. They have all sorts of stuff, including an indoor amusement park. They told me it was neat."

"I've been and it is," she agreed with a smirk. "But I'm not going to Vegas this month unless your dad really begs hard." She opened the door and walked him inside. "Your son wants us to run to Vegas."

Xander sat up enough to look at his son. "If we're getting married, it'll be in a woods with a proper priestess. Not in Vegas with the two slayers of Sin City." He laid back down, shaking his head. "Those two would try to hurt Darcy to keep us apart because they don't like us, son."

"Oh. Well that sucks balls," Darrien complained.

"Whole lots of balls of poo," Darcy agreed, cracking him up. "Isn't it near your bedtime?"

"Shoot." He hugged her. "But I guess it's a good mom thing." He hugged his father more carefully and ran to his bedroom.

"Do your teeth," Xander called. He looked at Darcy, who grinned back. "He's very unique."

"That's a great thing though. Cookie cutter kids are on drugs."

"Good point." He heaved himself up with a groan, letting her help him. "Let me go tuck him in then we'll talk."

"I had to tell him siblings came after marriage."

"I figured it would. Not everyone wants to be an unwed mom." He smirked at her. "Of course, if Willow hears, one of us will get knocked up and it's even odds which one of us."

She kissed him on the cheek. "I don't think you'd do it as well as I could and there'd be Science! going on immediately to figure out how she did it."

"Good point." He walked in there to handle stuff while she cleaned up after dinner and made his bed so it'd be comfortable later. She turned around and found a card on the counter, taking it to look at. It had her name on it so she felt it carefully. Xander came out and took it to open, then groaned.

//Don't worry, if there's any siblings coming we'll make sure they're healthy and will last longer than his idiot father will. Though I may just let you both carry at once, that way you only have to go through that dangerous, evil time once.//

"Willow," he said.

She smiled and took the card. "Let me talk to Jane." She kissed him. "Want tucked in?"

He grinned. "We're not there yet," he said with a wink and headed for his bed. "I'll see you tomorrow, Darcy."

"Yup, see you then." She took another kiss that made him moan, and went upstairs to Jane's apartment with Thor. She knocked lightly in case they were asleep. Thor answered the door shirtless and looking like he was heading for a shower. "Just needed to warn Jane about something."

"Some big problem in the lab?" he asked. She held up the card. He took it to read then looked at her. "Some sorcerer?"

"Rosenburg."

"Ah." He nodded. "Should she, I'll find a way to smite her for you, Darcy."

Darcy hugged him. "Thanks, Thor. We'll need to distract Jane and the others before they use him for science."

"We can probably do that." She gave him an evil smirk. "I'll let her know so she's ready to help protect you both if you should bond."

"Darrien *really* wants a sibling."

"Most single children do from what I understand." She laughed but walked off. He closed the door and brought the note to Jane. "She wanted you warned so you would not instantly fall upon him to figure things out."

She read the note then looked at him. "We'd get to smite her, right?"

"Quite," he assured her with a smile. She grinned back. They shook hands on it then he hauled her up to help him shower. She did scrub his back very well for him.

***

Jane handed Stark the card the next morning on her way to coffee. He read it with a grunt. "Darcy wanted us warned so we wouldn't attack him for science."

Stark looked at her. "If she should, we'll make sure he's well hidden and our docs can figure something out about the delivery. You see things online about ass babies." She choked on her coffee. "I'm wondering if she's done that before."

"Don't tempt her," Jane warned. "You might be next."

"Pep would hit the roof then her," he said, sipping more coffee. Bruce came wandering out for breakfast so Tony tossed the card at him. Bruce had to pick it up off the table but scowled. "We're making plans in case she does or she tries and slips and hits one of us." He drank more coffee.

Bruce growled. "I'd pretend to be making grapes on her head," he muttered, heading for the hot water so he could have tea. Jane nicely handed him some toast she had been making so he could get it nicely warm and already done. He grunted at her and walked off nibbling while letting his tea steep.

Darcy came off the elevator and looked at it then at him. "You need protein too, Dr. Banner. You need eggs or something so you're strong enough to do science."

"I'll have brunch when I've fully woken up. Was that a warning or a threat?"

"Xander and I took it as a threat," she said dryly but smiled at him. "That's why I warned Jane so she wouldn't snatch him for science."

"We'd try to protect him," Stark said, looking back at her. "Just so we could watch you stomp on her."

"With the way she wanted it, we'd both be fat and round," Darcy quipped. "Which I guess would spare someone a second trimester moment I've heard about." She shrugged, going in to make real food. "Bruce, I'll put you some scrambled eggs in the fridge."

"No, don't, Darcy. They're not as good cold. I'll make fresh later."

"Okay, if you're sure." He nodded, heading down to his lab. She looked at Stark's coffee then at him. He groaned but let her feed him as well. "Unless you want to be science's bitch instead of the one on top, you've got to eat."

"I will," he promised, digging into the simple breakfast. "I'd hate it if JARVIS climbed on top of me." Jane choked and spluttered. "He might. You never know about science, Jane. You should eat too." She walked off choking on her toast. Stark smirked at her while chewing. "Needed a day off?"

"Nope. Not in the least." She finished food and left the remains in the pans for whoever came in next. Clint stumbled in to grab the coffee pot to drink out of and took the pan of eggs and veggies with him to nibble on while he gulped coffee. "You're welcome." He grunted and nodded, then went back to eating and walking. She made more coffee in a clean pot and another pan of scrambled eggs. Natasha walked in scowling. "Clint?"

"Yes," she complained. Darcy handed her a clean plate and pointed. Natasha smiled, taking her eggs to fix her own way. That with some toast and coffee, and she was set for breakfast at least. She came out to the table. "Banner?"

"Walking off groaning about Rosenburg's threat to knock Harris and Darcy up at the same time," Tony said, then finished his coffee.

"I figured I'd want backup to help protect him and the kids," Darcy said with a smile. "Before someone who does science pounced."

Natasha looked at her then at her eggs. "Is it the food?"

"She sent a card," Darcy said. She found it to hand over.

Natasha stared at it then at her. "If she should, invite me to help you two torture her. I can give you both tips." She stuffed her mouth. "I hear Barnes."

Darcy went back to make more eggs, getting some more for herself. James walked in scowling but she handed him a plate and pointed. He grinned and got himself breakfast and coffee, going to sit and eat. He didn't leave any for Steve, but Steve wouldn't eat it if he knew Darcy had cooked it. Natasha handed the card to him and he stared at it. "Do we think she'd be good enough to only hit her target?" he asked.

"No," Stark said. "Which is why I'd let Pepper help me beat her to death."

"I'd give advice and help," Natasha assured him.

"I just wanted help hiding from Jane," Darcy quipped.

Bucky stared at her. "We'd help protect you and whoever else she got. Which may be Jane herself since you two are together so often."

"That'd really piss off Thor because it might not be his," Darcy said. She bit her lip then let it go and smiled. "I'm wondering if Jane looked up some things in mythology and have asked him about them yet." She walked off. "There's about two more normal cups of coffee left before another pot has to be made." Stark went in to get it and Barnes got the other one. Then they settled in to finish breakfast and make plans for the future torture of a certain witch.

***

Thor was looking at the research for that spell the witch had threatened them with. In *good* hands it was a useful fertility spell to aid someone who desperately wanted a child. In other hands....he just hoped *he* didn't end up pregnant. He'd never hear the end of that. Someone tapped on his window so he went to let them in. "Hogun, my friend. What brings you?" They shared a manly hug then Thor pulled back to look at him. "Problems?"

"Not many. Checking on you for your father mostly." He looked around. "No woman?"

"She's in her lab. Let me send her a message." He sent her a text message and got one back from Darcy. He smiled and answered her. "She'll be up for dinner. Darcy will make sure of it."

"Hmmm." He nodded. "That is nice. I have seen Sif and Fandral."

"I saw them recently."

"They said that, and that you had run into the one that made her giggle like a corsetless girl." He smirked a tiny bit.

"Xander is renovating an old hotel for the slayers so they have space to learn as needed, and don't have to share bathrooms." Hogun shook his head with a sigh. "He and his son live a few floors down and he is seeing Lady Darcy. Darrien is most excited and is hoping for siblings in the near future."

"That's always a good thing," he agreed. "That one deserves to be happy so it makes him less favored of the south winds blowing through his skull."

"He's not that way."

"He won a battle by daring six young dwarves to streak naked in front of their enemy to show how little he scared them."

Thor smiled. "I heard of that one. It was inspired. I heard the enemy nearly walked off pouting as well."

"Aye, he did. Embarrassed too since he couldn't tell one of them was a maiden." Thor burst out laughing, shaking his head. Hogun spotted the card and tipped his head. "Is there some sort of bearing problem that you needed help with?"

"Xander's friend is a witch and she threatened him with it. We're all worried she'll miss and hit others. I cannot imagine what my father would say should it hit me. Or if the spell hits my lady and it's not mine." His phone rang. "Yes?" he answered. He listened. "I'm sorry you had to have a vision, Xander. Yes, I was just.....oh. That would be bad. Yes. Thank you. Your son? Yes, staying there tonight is probably a great idea. Thank you for the warning, Xander." He hung up, looking up. "JARVIS, please alert your master that Xander's vision stated that someone else with magic was going to try to distract us with a biological release that would make us want to procreate like nymphs as he put it since his son was present."

"I shall do so," the AI said. "He's not very pleased but we'll start scanning the building later, Lord Thor. Thank you for that warning and Mr. Stark sends his thanks as well. Is your guest going to be joining you for dinner? If so, I'll tell Miss Lewis so she can make extra food."

"Please," Hogun said, looking around.

"Stark made him," Thor said quietly. "He is his virtual butler."

"That's nice," Hogun agreed. "Very handy for the Man of Iron."

"I've alerted her and she said you're having roast tonight, Lord Thor."

"Thank thee, JARVIS. Let us know when it's time please."

"I shall." He hung up.

Thor smiled at his friend. "It's very nice. He orders things and passes along information faster than I do,."

"It seems handy," he agreed. "What have you been doing?"

"A lot of sparring recently. Though I have helped a few beings make peace treaties. They seem to want me to mediate as the sides will not try to attack me like they would a slayer."

"That is good." He clapped him on the arm. "Show me around?"

"Of course." He led him on a short tour of the building, pausing to talk to Darcy and Jane, who was inside a machine again. You could see one foot but nothing else, and her voice had a strange tone to it. Darcy excused it as she was frustrated with the broken thing. They nodded and went to the gym to play fight for a bit while she checked on her dinner's crockpots. In this group, one roast wouldn't do. Six roasts might not do with Hogun and Thor both there.

***

Steve appeared for dinner without Bucky. He stared in the kitchen. "Is it a team dinner?"

"I hadn't planned on it, just giving you guys something solid to eat tonight," Darcy said with a smile. "There's six pot roasts. I know you could probably eat one all by yourself but Thor's got a friend in." She looked. "Hogun, this is Steve Rogers."

"Heimdall has said about you," he said, shaking his hand.

"I know you're one of the Warriors Three, Thor's talked about you," Steve said with a smile. "Darcy's a really good cook."

"That's wonderful. Warriors need much food to fight on," Hogun said. He smiled at Darcy. "If only some of our lasses up there had that skill."

"I'm more than my magical cooking fingers, Hogun." She smirked at him. "Or didn't Thor tell you how we met?"

He burst out laughing, nodding some. "Yes, he did, Lightening Sister." He gave her a hug. She smiled and handed him a plate, letting Steve come in to slice the roasts properly. "Do you join us tonight?"

"My boyfriend is eating with his slayers and his son so probably," she agreed. Thor walked out carrying Jane over his shoulder. She put down two more plates. "There you go, Thor. JARVIS, can you please tell your creator and Bruce that dinner's ready?" she asked.

"Dr. Banner stated he's not hungry and sir is busy," he sighed.

She grabbed two plates and carried them down there once they were filled. She walked into Bruce's lab first. "For later, when you are hungry. Because you can't do science when your body's eating your brain for lack of nutrients." She put the plate down beside him. "It's good. I made it. I promise it's good." She walked off, taking the other plate to Tony's lab. "Hey!" she called as she walked in, loud enough to be heard over the music. Tony jumped. She smirked and put the plate down then pointed. "If you don't eat, I'm going to tell Pepper. She said if you're going to be that bad to yourself she'll take your bank accounts to Harry Winston and the rest of Rodeo Drive because clearly she'll be inheriting it anyway." She gave him a pointed look then made him a pot of coffee in his personal machine with a smile before walking off.

"Not the mommy," Stark called.

"I told you if you moved me in here I'd be forced into fussing this way," she shot back. "JARVIS, if he hasn't eaten in an hour, tell Pepper please."

"I shall, Miss Lewis."

"You will not," Tony ordered. "I can't build new things if I'm bankrupt. Not that I think Pepper will anyway." He ate a bite of meat and hummed, taking a second before calling her. "Did you tell Lewis you were going to bankrupt me because it was coming to you anyway?"

She smiled and nodded. "Yes I did. You're not taking good care of yourself, Tony, and I'll miss you driving me nuts. I'll memorialize you by taking a few young women who need a good start shopping for business clothes and tasteful jewelry." He shuddered. "You won't be around to see it but I'm sure they'll bless your name. It'll be like Dress For Success only in Beverly Hills so they project the right high powered image." He grunted, eating another bite of meat. "How long has it been since you ate?"

"I had breakfast."

"JARVIS?" she asked.

"Sir did have toast and coffee for breakfast before the revelation that Miss Rosenburg wanted to knock up Mr. Harris magically, and she might miss to hit sir or others."

She snorted. "I'd so kill her then take you baby shopping," she said with a smile.

He stared at her. "I'd let you beat her for me but I'm not going out if she does slip and do it to me, Pep. You'd hate the fallout in the press. You'd have to wear a fake belly and claim the kid was yours, I just helped you gain weight. You'd have to find someone else to wear the suit, all that. We couldn't even have all those meetings you seem to have because if news got out we'd be the center of a storm of complaining women and people who wanted to touch the baby."

She smirked at him. "We can handle that if you want to ask her to do that."

"NO!"

"That's fine. When you're ready, Tony." She smiled. "Eat the rest too, before you fall over and drown in your oil and drool puddle." She hung up.

He pouted but ate anyway. He paused at one bite, staring at it. "That's not potatoes. What is that, JARVIS?"

"Parsnips and potatoes mashed together, sir," the AI said patiently. "With butter and half-and-half mixed in for smoothness. The pepper is in the drawer to your left. As is the salt." He got out takeout packets of each to season that and ate it. He really would have to find a way for Darcy to get out of her fussing kick. Now he understood why having her here to fuss all the time might be a bad idea for all of them. Especially when he went upstairs and found brownies on the counter and everyone staring at them. "Lewis make 'em?" he asked.

"They just appeared," Steve said. "No note or anything."

Bruce came up with a test kit to test them. "No drugs," he announced. "Just butterscotch and chocolate chip brownies." Everyone shook their head. Clint was texting Xander, who sent back an answer. "Any idea?" Bruce said dryly.

"She sent them as a 'if you'd like I'll help you with that plan' offering," Clint said. He looked up. "So apparently if we want kids, she'll help us all have some."

"Isn't that a wife's job?" Hogun asked, taking a brownie to nibble on. He nodded. "Bit sweet but nice enough." He walked back to the couch he and Thor were sharing.

"She's a witch," Jane told him. "She offered to knock Xander up if he'd want. Promised that he and Darcy could both be pregnant at the same time."

"Threatened is more like it," Stark said. He ate one and nodded, walking off. "Not bad. Very sweet but not bad." He went back to his lab, where things made sense. He heard later that Xander had said that butterscotch was Willow's go-to for apology cookies. He had everyone in the tower take a pregnancy test. Just in case.

***

Darrien went to talk to the slayers the next morning. He had 'borrowed' Darcy's phone to log into Skype, staring at the two women who answered the phone. "The Evil Queen wannabe is freaking people out again."

"It's good to see you again too, Darrien," Faith said with a grin.

"She threatened to give me a sibling by knocking up Daddy and Darcy both," Darrien said. "At the same time." Faith winced. "She freaked out the others in the tower so much they had to do the peepee test to make sure she didn't get them because she sent butterscotch and chocolate brownies."

Faith shuddered. "Okay, we'll talk to the reanimated one." Darrien grinned at her. "He okay?"

"Daddy should be fine. The mean nurse made him let her do the stitches for him by hauling him downstairs by his arm. Darcy threatened them with Auntie Jane," he said with an evil smirk. "She took the sword from me but that's okay. She'll learn how to use one soon."

Faith just nodded. "That's cool, kiddo. We worry about your dad not taking care of his injuries." She looked behind her. "Giles, Red threatened to knock Xander and Darcy up at the same time."

"Oh, Lord God," he muttered, waving at the computer as he walked behind her. "I'll talk to her, Xander."

"I'm not Daddy, Uncle Rupert. He's still freaked out." He stared at him when he backtracked. "Daddy taught me how to Skype."

"It's a good teaching, kid," Faith assured him. The other slayer that was only half awake nodded that she agreed while drinking coffee. "We'll talk to the witches. You be a good boy."

"I try so hard," he said with a smile. "But I don't have new schoolbooks yet."

Darcy walked in and looked down at him. "You stole my phone?"

"I had to tell Auntie Faith about what the mean, evil one threatened. Before she actually does it to Daddy. She will because she thinks he's her puppy or something."

She kissed him on the head. "We'll help you protect your dad, but you can't steal my phone. You have to *ask* to *borrow* the phone." She stared at him. "What would your dad punish you with for sneaking it out of my purse?"

"Grounded," he pouted.

She smiled. "That sounds like a good idea after you tell him what you did. Really."

"Yes, Darcy," he sighed. He turned the phone around. "I know you've met Auntie Faith and Uncle Rupert. That's Slayer Sasha. She's kinda mean sometimes but she's fun like that. She tickled me once until I peed on her." The slayer was smirking at the camera. "I think she deserved it for tickling me that hard. Daddy laughed a lot too."

"I'm sure he did. Hi, Sasha, nice to meet you." She looked at the kid again. "C'mon, you're going to help me do paperwork once you're done."

He turned the phone around, giving them the big eyed good boy look. "I have chores apparently."

"It'll teach you stuff since you need new schoolbooks, kiddo," she said with a grin. Darrien groaned. "You need to learn a lot of stuff to grow up and do anything other than serve burgers and fries."

"I guess. But it's summer."

She snorted. "Lots of kids your age have things like paper routes all year long so they can earn an allowance." He stared at her, eyes wide. She smirked. "We'll see if we can let you learn how to be a lab flunky for a while." He hugged her and hung up after waving at them. "Get dressed. Including shoes." He ran in to do that and came out wearing real clothes and shoes, letting her take her phone back as they walked off together.

"We're going to teach you how to use word processing and report programs. Then you can go deliver stuff. If you do really good, you'll earn five bucks." He nodded, grinning at her. They settled in the lab for her to teach him how to use the software she used. He'd need to learn how to use it anyway. When they were done, she gave him limited 'go deliver this' chores. The other scientists got confused but a few gave him a hug for being so good to help. Tony looked confused but Darcy followed him in. "I'm teaching him about office stuff and he's doing delivery chores today for allowance." She smirked at Tony over the kid's head.

"It's a good thing to learn. Makes you responsible." He handed Darcy his empty plate. "You left that."

"I'll refill it after washing it." She walked off with Darrien, taking him up to make lunch for her scientists. Jane came up during it scowling. She handed her something. "Lunch, Jane?"

"This is where you are," she sighed. She took the plate to nibble on. She stared at Darrien. "I heard you were helping."

"He's earning an allowance for today's delivering stuff," Darcy said. "Plus learning stuff about science and office stuff."

"That's great," Jane agreed. "He needs to be smart to help the slayers when he's older." She looked at Darcy. "We were going to be running out to take readings later."

"His dad's just taking a nap," Darcy assured her with a grin. She slipped Darrien the promised five bucks, all in ones, and he ran off with it and lunch for him and his dad. Darcy smiled at Jane. "He did very good delivering. He even learned stuff from Bruce and Jemma this morning."

"That's great. No schoolbooks?"

"No. Not yet. It's summer, Jane."

"Ah. Well, a part-time job is a great thing."

"He helped me tape something for you earlier too. It was the extra hand I needed."

Jane smiled. "You'll make a fantastic stepmom." She finished her lunch and helped Darcy carry plates down to the lab. "Food," she called into one of the labs.

Leo came out to grab the plates. "We're dealing with lasers. Don't want you two burned." He ran back in to go back to work, locking the door after himself.

Jane and Darcy delivered lunch to the two Science Bros, who were arguing about something. Bruce absently picked up one of his sections of sandwich and nibbled then looked at it. He put it back on the plate and picked up from the other one. "That one's yours. It has mustard." He ate a bite and they went back to arguing. They hadn't even noticed the two women.

Xander called Darcy. "What did you bribe my kid for?" he asked, sounding amused.

"He earned it by helping me with some stuff and delivering for me," she quipped. "It's not much but he learned some stuff too."

"I'll have to remember that since he liked doing it. That's a sneaky thing, Darcy."

"I'm a sneaky lady when I need to be," she quipped back.

"Hmm. That's always a good, interesting thing. Thanks for amusing him earlier." He hung up with the sound of kid laughter.

She put her phone into her pocket, smiling at Jane. Who was smirking back. "I can be sneaky."

"You can be. Did you teach him how to use the software?" She nodded. "Even better." They went up onto the roof with two of the smaller machines to take readings.

***

Skye was back from the mission with Coulson, and was wandering around looking bored. Darcy ran into her in the hallway when going to check on her SHIELD people. "What's up?" Skye asked, looking interested.

"Just doing lab rounds to make sure no one needs anything," Darcy said. She stared at her. "You look upset or something. What's wrong?"

"I'm bored. There's nothing for me to do here. The AI won't even let me do more than check my email."

"Yeah, he said something about humans not letting hack doctors into their bodies," Darcy agreed. "You can make a space for yourself, Skye. I did when I when I showed up with Jane. I only used to fuss over her and help her with her science stuff. Then I noticed Bruce didn't eat for two days so I got him to eat. Then JARVIS asked nicely for me to include Tony in the same lunch since he needed to eat by order of Pepper. You can make yourself a place. As for the computer stuff, I doubt JARVIS is going to change his mind about that. He said he hates being poked."

"I wouldn't touch him and he's an AI."

"Yes, he is. He's a very intelligent AI," Darcy said with a grin for the naive young thing. "He's a lot smarter than half the professors I used to study under. He's smarter than half the people in the building. Tony did a great job with his learning systems so he could grow and become so smart." Skye grimaced, glancing down. "There's not much for you to do here in the labs, and I doubt you did on the plane. There's plenty of other things that need to be done. Maria Hill is working on the SHIELD rebuilding stuff from the Malibu office. Or Coulson might need some super assistant stuff done, which is probably some of what you did before. Looking up people's skills and incidents?" she guessed when Skye scowled.

"Yeah, I guess I did. I was going to be an agent."

"No one's stopping you from being an agent, except that there's no agency anymore. Go ask someone to help you train to be an agent."

"Ward was.... Then he turned out to be HYDRA."

"Yeah, that does suck. We had a few people here that I was casually friendly with that ended up being HYDRA too. Including one that Pepper had to throw out a window. Which I saw way too much of because I was looking out the window to see what was attacking us since we had went into lock down mode. I saw the guy fall. He used to flirt with me all the time." She shifted her weight. "Go ask Natasha to help you train to be an agent so when Coulson's ready so are you. That'll take a lot of time. If she can't, Clint might be able to. They were both high level agents and would know the various specialities you should focus on so you're doing more than just being a number in a snazzy uniform." She smiled. "You could also take some online classes, beef up your skills and knowledge base so you're more useful later on. It's a lot harder to run an agency with fifteen people than it is with five thousand. You end up doing a lot more than you probably should."

"I...yeah, I might. Do you know where Agent Barton is? He seems nicer and Agent Romanoff gives me this creepy, cold stare whenever I try to talk to her."

"Yeah, I got that too," Darcy said with a smile. "And I gave about two cents worth of fuck about it. Then I made her brownies with brandy sauce for the birthday Clint let slip she was having." She grinned. "You just have to try to get to know them. Be respectful because Natasha can kill you, but you could ask her about what you should train toward. Though she may grump. It's a bad week for her right now."

"Agent Barton is currently making himself lunch," JARVIS said quietly.

"Thank you, J man," Darcy quipped. "One less I have to nag today."

"I believe you should go help Dr. Banner, Miss Lewis."

"Ooooh, let me go see what happened." She turned and hurried off.

Skye watched her go then rolled her shoulders back and headed up to the kitchen. She nodded politely at Agent Romanoff before going into the kitchen. "Agent Barton, can I have a minute?" she asked quietly.

He looked at her. "Speak. I'm not a God, Skye. You don't have to ask for an audience." He turned to face her, taking a bite of his sandwich.

"Grant, Agent Ward, was working on my training so I could become an agent under Coulson. I realize I'm not the best material but I can definitely help out. I just don't know how. He doesn't need my hacking skills and Grant had me working on self defense stuff. He had gotten me to the point where I could shoot or use a knife if I had to."

"That's about a tenth of what you need to become a probationary agent," he said then ate another bite. She winced, looking down. "We can work on that with you, but we're not nice about it, Skye. I go easy on Darcy. She won't have to do more than handle a lab assault. Agents have to go out and be able to take down a huge problem. By themselves if they must."

"Melinda told me about why they call her the Cavalry."

Clint nodded. "Been there, done that, many times," he assured her then smiled. "Are you sure you want to be able to do that? There are computer and tech support positions. I heard Coulson nearly shot the whole computer services group last week." He ate another bite.

"I don't know. I'm good at it. I was working with the Rising Tide to find out about my past since the only thing I knew was that SHIELD had dropped me at the orphanage." Clint stared at her. She shrugged. "That's how Coulson caught me. That whole Centipede thing in LA was starting and I was reporting so people would know. That way it couldn't be hidden."

"It's a hard truth but a lot of times humans don't want to know," he told her. "They like the fairy tale that everything's nice and pretty. That it was an easy arrest and no one got any broken bones. That we do a lot more paperwork than field work." He shrugged and finished his sandwich. "Being an agent means you uphold the fairy tale for the normals and you live your life as best you can behind that mask. Some agents even make marriages to people who have no idea work for decades before they're busted. Which usually ends in divorce. Or if they fell during a mission and someone has to tell them." He sipped his coffee while staring at her. "Is that what you really want?"

"I owe Coulson."

"That's the wrong answer."

"I know, but I think I want to be an agent. I can help. I can help fix things and stop Centipede. Maybe I'll be a better agent than I am a hacker. Darcy Lewis suggested I take some online college classes."

Clint nodded. "Done that a few times. It's often something to take your mind off healing time. The sixteen weeks I spent with a partially torn ACL I did three different classes, all languages."

"I hadn't thought about that."

"It comes in handy in many ways," he said. "In many fields. Including doing things like Pepper does. Which is a lot safer."

"I've been in the field by myself with just someone in my ear."

"Good." He smiled as Natasha came in, getting out of her way. "Nat, do you have any advice for her?"

She stared at the young woman. "What you want is neither safe nor sane. Are you prepared to die in a manner that is horrifying for most people before you turn thirty-five?" Skye shuddered. "Are you prepared to look at a body full of scars each day? To use your body as both a weapon and a commodity? Women are often put into those sort of operations." She stared at her. "Are you prepared to kill because you must if you want to come home in one living piece? You do know that it's likely you'll be tortured at least once in your career?" She looked her over. "Are you prepared to be treated as more of an object than a person? To not have any say in any of your missions and to obey orders about what your target is and who it is?"

"I... I've had to stop someone that was selling something really harmful."

Natasha nodded. "That mission was barely a five percent risk profile. Most probationary agents are blessed if they get ones that have twenty percent." Skye nodded she understood that. "Even if you know Coulson very well, most agents are seen as objects to be deployed, both weapons and information gathering units. They may tell you how to accomplish that, as they did during that one mission, or they may expect you to problem solve within limitations." She looked at Clint then at her. "We have heard Melinda say that she didn't think you'd make a good agent. Mostly because you are soft. You grew up in a manner that many agents did."

"A lot of them aren't from large, loving families," Clint agreed.

"But you did not grow up hard. A fist fight was considered a bad thing, not a necessity of survival."

"I've read the files on your training," she said. Natasha tipped her head slightly, smiling a tiny bit. "Do US agents have to be that hard?"

"That depends on your agency and your skills," Natasha said simply.

"It'd probably be healthier if you chose to become a tech support agent. You'd get field time for recon missions and for watching missions but not serious field missions where you're more likely to come back shot," Clint said.

"I can see that. I don't want to let anyone down."

"You're not," Clint assured her. "Most hackers aren't built to be field agents." He smirked. "Nat's one of the few that is and that's because they taught her to hack after making her the warrior she is."

Skye considered that then nodded. "What would I need to know to do that?"

"A lot more than you do," Clint sighed. "You'd still need a lot of hand-to-hand qualifications. You probably need more extensive computer skills, which would be a good thing to learn even if you're great. Everyone hacks slightly differently." She nodded she knew that. "You need weapons proficiencies just in case." He finished his coffee. "We can see where you presently stand."

"We can't be sure that Ward did not screw up your minimal training so you weren't a threat," Natasha said.

Skye swallowed. "I worried about that too."

"Good. We'll go to the gym," Clint said. "Go change into something you can get sweaty in." She nodded, walking off to do that. He looked at Natasha. "Yes, no?" he asked quietly.

She shrugged. "I'll wait to see after we test her present skills." She walked off to ready the gym. Steve was in there talking to Sam Wilson, who was back up to work with him and Bucky. "Boys, Skye wanted us to evaluate her as a potential tech support agent."

Sam looked at her. "We can stay out of the way, Natasha." She smirked a tiny bit. "Watching you kick ass is a pleasure."

"Thank you." Clint walked in and Skye walked in a few minutes later pulling her hair up into a ponytail. Natasha stared at it. "That is a bad hair choice. It's a handle for someone to grab during a battle." She adjusted it so it was more bunned up. "Better but not all that suitable. French braids are more practical. You can't get a grip on them." Skye nodded, moving to stretch. She looked at Clint. "You start off."

"I can do that. I know you can kick my ass, Nat." He moved onto the mats and nodded her to come out. He moved and she followed what he was doing. She had the basics of alertness. He casually swung at her and she blocked it then moved in to try to hit him. He avoided it easily. This was looking bad. Ward hadn't gotten very far in her training at all.

Melinda May walked in and over to Natasha. "Ward did not have a lot of time to work with her. Maybe six months and he was cramming all he could into her. Including using Battleship."

Natasha nodded. "For a tech support person that should be good enough." She watched the sparring. "Clint, are you that sore?" she called.

"She's not ready for me to move faster," he said. Skye huffed but tried to hit him again. So he caught her arm and flipped her over, making her moan. He grinned. "You're at the level where kids incoming to Basic training in the military are. You can be taught but it's going to take a while and you're going to be very bruised."

She sat up, staring at him. "I can do that. I got into fights in the foster homes."

"Good. Get up and let's work on some of your present faults so you can move on to learn new things." She heaved herself up so he could reteach her things. Natasha came out to help. Melinda went to the gym equipment to do some weight lifting.

Thor leaned in. "Darcy has said she put extra ice packs in the freezer for her just now," he said. "They're in the bar's freezer section as the groceries just got delivered." He walked off.

"That's always a good idea," Clint agreed with a grin for the trainee. "We can teach you how to properly cushion and strap them in place too." She nodded, moving in to try that one hit again. And again she ended up on her butt on the mat. She got up and they tried it again.

***

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