Gloria opened the door at the knocking, staring at the two guys. "I've got a date, Xander."
"What do I care? Unless he's a shitbag I need to stake?"
"No. I'm not Buffy." She let them in without an invitation. "What's up?"
"He needs to see your mentor and I need to rest. Dawn's fussy."
"I get that," she agreed, leading them to the upstairs rooms. "The girls left a slight mess when they were here last. I can get you guys clean sheets." She did that and went back down to her date, who understood about old friends showing up and her having to call new friends about him being here.
***
Natasha got the message and stared at it then called Bruce. "It's Natasha. If you were planning on talking to Mr. Harris again tomorrow, he evacuated someone up here. He's at the local slayer house." She hung up and went to find Steve. No Steve in the tower. She found Clint. "I need to go see Gloria after her date."
He nodded. "The guy's weird. He's uptight, he doesn't touch more than her hand, and he's pathologically afraid of skin germs," Clint said. "His background's clean beyond that."
She smiled. "It's a good first step back into dating. If you find Steve, let me know?"
"He's out with Stark at some event."
"Charming." She walked off, making plans for later that night. Skulking around New York City at one in the morning didn't look all that unusual. Especially since it was a Friday night.
***
Gloria opened the door, smiling at the two there. "Hi." She let them in. "Xander's having a fever dream and your buddy's in the other room. My date's still here."
Natasha paused her with a hand on her arm. "Have you talked to him about his germ thing?"
"He warned me about it. So far it's okay." Natasha nodded, smiling at her. "Thank you for asking though."
"You're most welcome. We'll stay out of your way." She led the way upstairs, listening at the doors. Xander's fever was apparently creating nightmares so she went in to calm him down. "Xander," she said softly, making him gasp and sit up, panting hard. "Are you all right? You were having nightmares."
He stared at her. "Visions suck."
"I'm sure they do. Let me get things so we can record it." He nodded, sipping the glass of water he had in there. She settled in to take notes for him and made note that it was from a dream and he was still in pain. That may make a difference.
Up the hall, Steve knocked on the other bedroom door, smiling when he opened it holding a gun. "I didn't think we were that way with each other."
Bucky looked him over. Tight t-shirt, tight jeans. "Renting yourself out?" he asked.
Steve smirked. "Stark insisted. There was a thing tonight with ladies to raise money for the latest repairs for the city." He stepped in. "Anytime things get destroyed we get asked to make nice and do things so people donate." He settled on the foot of the bed. "The last time I ran into you, you were getting memories back. Are you getting more?"
"I've got most of them back but they're going to try for you again."
"Let them come. I'll pretend to be Xander and stare them down."
Bucky stared at him. "He does?"
"Yeah, he has. He's done a few things even I look at like he's too heroic. Then he runs from nagging from the slayers."
"Sounds like you running from girls," Bucky said, sitting by the pillows. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine. Just tired. The mayor's wife pinched me twice tonight."
"Poor thing," he teased. Steve smirked back. "I didn't want to put you in more danger."
"I'm in plenty already and I'd rather have you there in case you need help."
"I do good on my own."
Steve stared at him. "You might but I don't. The team's great, we talk a lot and things, but they don't really *get* me. Two of them still think I'm an innocent guy."
Bucky shook his head with a sigh. "That figures."
"One's Stark's kid."
Bucky stared at him. "Is he that innocent?"
"No. I think he's had more dames than you had."
"That's a lot." Steve nodded. "Huh." He considered it. "I still don't want to put you in danger."
"If you're here, I can handle the danger better. You know more of who they are so I can be alert to that. It means I'm not always paranoid about the guy on the street."
"I get that," Bucky agreed. "I ...I'm feeling the same way."
"Which is a good reason for us to guard each other again. Like we used to do against that gang of wannabe mobsters." Bucky grinned. "How many memories don't you still have?"
"Apparently a lot."
"There were some but they always wanted you to join." Bucky huffed. "I had to check, Buck. It's the sort of paranoid I've become."
"I get why."
"Probably not. We had a shape shifter the other day pretending to be Clint and it took Natasha two hours to figure it out." Bucky groaned, shaking his head. "She's known him for a very long time."
"That's reasonable." Steve grinned. "Are you sure you're you?"
"I am me. I have been me. They can't get me right. The hair's always off." Bucky burst out laughing. Someone knocked and Steve let her in. Bucky stiffened, staring at her.
She stared back. "Relax. I'm not here for you. I work with Steve now," she said quietly. She came in and closed the door. "You remember me?" He nodded once. "Clint brought me into SHIELD when I left the Red Room," she said in quiet Russian. He sighed but nodded. "I tend to nag Steve."
"He needs it," he agreed.
She smiled. "He can." She settled against the door frame. "I work with Gloria on her training. We think she'll be the head slayer some year."
"She's a good, sweet girl who turns into a hellcat on the field," Steve said with a grin for her. "You've done good with her."
"Plus helped where Xander had her for six months of one-on-one training. He sees things a bit differently in the field than we do."
"That's because his are demonic and prone to just appearing instead of driving up," Steve said. "Then they have weird ways of killing them."
"Could be," she agreed. She looked at Bucky. "Are you better?" He nodded. "That's good. You will tell me if you need something?"
"They could still come for me."
"That is true of anyone," she reminded him. "Including all of us at the tower. Or the slayers."
"They sure tried," Steve agreed. "Thankfully they managed that battle since we couldn't get there in time."
"What battle?" Bucky asked. Natasha pulled it up on her internet connection, letting him see it. "That's nasty but HYDRA." He frowned as he watched. "They evacuated the slayers?"
"Slayers aren't meant to fight humans," Steve said quietly. "It can do bad things to the spirit that gives them their gifts." Bucky scowled. "A few have had that problem thanks to attacks. Mostly the few guys they have in the field have handled it for the slayers. Some of the agents that SHIELD shed were hired on," he told Natasha.
"I suggested a few should try. Most made it. The ones that were rejected were probably because they were insane."
"Or HYDRA," Steve said. "One I thought I could trust was." She nodded she had a few of those too.
"Xander's looking at a three year time table to be able to cut back on some of his duties. He'll take one of the agents fresh out of training and travel with them while training the mini slayers."
Steve nodded. "That's a good idea. How are his injuries?"
"He's sore," Bucky said. "But when we ran into a problem he teased her until she bought him candy and cooed over them."
"Only the dangerous ones like him that way," Gloria quipped from the hallway. "Xander's lovers have been very handy more than once so we don't rag on him the way we do to Buffy about her sleeping with Spike." She laughed at their shuddering. "I'm going to bed. Night, guys." She went to her room and snuggled in for the night.
Natasha grimaced, looking at Steve. "How would one sleep with a vampire?"
"I couldn't. The cold flesh and all that." He shuddered again. Even Bucky shuddered.
Natasha stood up. "I'll let you rest. Come back to the tower tomorrow. Bruce is coming to check on Xander because he's filled with hellmouth radiation apparently." She smiled at Bucky. "We can protect each other and you can play with Clint's dog." She left.
"Clint's a nice guy," Steve said quietly. "He's worked with her for years. The guy who brought her into SHIELD." Bucky gave him a look. "He's the archer."
"I've seen." Steve smiled. "Weird weapon for modern battles but I guess it's really handy." He slid down some. "I should rest."
"Want me to go?"
"I..." Steve slid to the floor and guarded the doorway for him. Bucky smiled. "Thanks."
"Welcome." He watched Bucky fall asleep and guarded the doorway so nothing could interrupt that precious sleep. They all needed more sleep.
***
Xander was on the phone when Gloria got up the next morning. "No, Giles, I can't wait six months. I won't make it six months with these injuries. If I get one of them to train with the minis, that'll cover my asses and theirs. This is my third major demon attacking me in six months." He listened, sighing at the end. "I'm sure there's all sorts of special stuff they need to learn that I didn't," he said bluntly. Giles cleared his throat and pointed out that the old liners were concerned about that.
"Giles, half the stuff those guys want the girls to learn is how to be a robot warrior like the old days. I caught one talking to one of the minis in the house about how glorious the old days were and scowled to make him run like hell from me." Giles said he had wondered why. "Because Janine didn't need to know how *glorious* girls like Kendra were to die young and alone," he said bluntly. "Yeah, just one. Well, gee, Giles. I can't drive right now thanks to the headache from the current concussion. Two of my minis have been attacked recently. I need someone who can help me handle things, no matter what's going on.
"Because if you guys had militia groups like we in Africa have militia groups, it'd be different. The US would be a much different place." Giles agreed and sighed, saying he could send him one. "Make sure he's tolerant of other races, that he's able to handle him or herself in the field if something goes wrong, like another hell god shows up out of nowhere to talk to us, and that they can survive if they have to. Meaning they know how to camp, how to hunt for food, and how to not burn up in the desert."
Gloria leaned down next to the phone. "Hunting for dinner was a bit weird but there's whole weeks between towns with the way the girls are spread, Mr. Giles. It really does mean you get to eat more than field rations, which are nasty."
"And expensive," Xander quipped. He kissed her on the temple. "I started coffee an hour ago."
"Thank you." She went to get some and refill his cup, making him grin at her.
"Exactly, Giles. It's not soft hotel beds and nice smelling villages. Frankly, last year I had to help one of the girls' villages with a backed up sewer pit that was trying to break into their well. Otherwise they would've died of something nasty. I've helped with harvests while talking to my minis about some things like plant demons. I've helped planting with the minis while talking to them about things. In their lives, that's what they have to do to survive and if she can't help, she can't eat. I've fixed roofs and everything else that they needed me to do."
"I did like learning how to thatch a roof," Gloria said with a smile.
"You did a great job with that roof, Gloria. It's still standing." She smirked. "Wind storms recently from that one wind demon getting drunk. Apparently that mini toddled out to go scowl at him until he got sober again. Freaked out her parents and me when they told me." Giles said something. "No, a wind demon, like controls a wind pattern, Giles. Yes, one of them. She's five. She got a wild hair up her butt and went to help so her village didn't go missing more roofs. I'm sure we remember one of the minis in the house when she was five.
"You had me talk to her about common sense things because she had a friend who had healing skills and they snuck into the zoo to heal the tiger that was sick." Even Gloria could hear Giles' moan from across the room. "Yeah, same thing. Different reason." He sighed. "I can take two," he agreed. "But one'll need their own vehicle. Mine'll seat them but I've got stuff piled in the back of the jeep." He listened. "That's fine. I can do that. I'm not allowed to fly for another six weeks. Yay concussion."
Gloria smiled. "Six weeks of new vacation?"
"Only if I can get there by train, bus, or boat," he said dryly. "Preferably not by bus."
She nodded. "There's beaches near here but they're going to be cold soon."
He nodded. "I know. I have no cold weather clothes up here. Then again, I have no clothes up here or my wallet or anything else."
"There's a message on the machine from Dawn saying that she's sending your stuff here by overnight delivery. The agents rescued it from the hospital but your blocking necklace is in shards and bits of chain." He winced. "I'm guessing that's bad?"
"You're guessing right," he said dryly. "That's why I got pulled in to be checked for why I was radiating the area." Giles said something. "Hellmouth taint, Giles. That sort."
"I love the hellmouth when it tries to pet you," Gloria quipped. Xander smirked at her. "I have sparring in a bit."
"College?" he asked.
"Off this semester. Mine got halfway knocked down during one of the attacks." She smirked and went back into the kitchen. "Let me make myself some eggs. Want some?"
"Still too sore to eat, Gloria, but thanks. I'll pick up some cheerios later." Giles complained. "Giles, I'm in a crapload of pain most of the time. Anything more solid won't come out easily and would take me using muscles that are bruised. Beyond that, I probably can't puke cheerios as much as I would eggs when I get a surge of pain and nausea from the head injury. It's really going to suck since one of the docs I've seen told me I'm having problems like boxers get from too many head injuries. So yeah, I'm doing my replacement and then I'll let you move me to somewhere more quiet and steady with fewer battles." He listened. "That's my idea, yeah. I'm figuring three years. Sooner if I die during an attack." Gloria gave him an odd look so he pointed outside toward the back door. She looked and ran for a sword. "If it's a poker buddy, don't kill him. We're out of artillery again," he called. "Let me help her, Giles." He hung up on his complaining.
Steve came down pulling on his t-shirt and took the sword from Gloria. "You finish your breakfast, young lady. You need to eat more often, you're losing weight again." He went outside, staring at the two demons, one had another on a leash. "Did you need something?"
"I came to see the knight."
Xander leaned out. "I'm in horrifically pitiful shape. Huge problem?" He petted the demon on the leash. "It's great your sister's calmed down again."
"We have heard you were injured, Knight. I come to challenge you."
Xander stepped out, taking the sword. "I may be sore but it doesn't mean I won't kick ass. You know that." The demon pouted. The one on the leash sniffed his leg and tried to hump it until he thumped her on the head. "Stop that. I'm not for you." He looked at the demon again, making him back up and make whining noises. "I should charge the ones who try that. We're out of higher weapons anyway." The demon moaned but nodded, stomping off with his leashed pet. He looked at Steve and shrugged. "They consider me normal because Buffy said so." He walked back inside, handing Gloria her sword back. She went to put it up while nibbling on her egg sandwich. "Maybe I'll go play kitten poker today."
"Doubt it," Gloria quipped. "That's not a safe activity and I doubt the people who're supposed to be guarding you would like that."
Xander leaned back to look up the hall at her. "I had one handcuff me to the couch so he could stop Dawn from helping a healer because demons were just a figment of our imagination or kids playing dress up." She burst out laughing. "Yeah."
"I'm kind of glad she's in DC." Her phone beeped. "Oh, yeah, she's in DC. Xander, she just got attacked." Xander stood up and came to get her phone to check the news feeds. Dawn had a shield. There was a Hulk. There was a pissed off alien. There was a group of humans attacking Dawn for daring to have magic and a few were chanting she was evil to help healers. "Oh, charming."
"Where's her guard?" Xander said. "That's not right."
"There's people running."
"Yeah, with tranq rifles." He hung up and called someone. "I need to be with Dawn ASAP. She's under heavy attack by humans and now idiots with tranq guns. Thank you, Helda." He hung up and tossed her phone back then grabbed two things from the armory before he got sent by the coven. He appeared, firing on the bad guys. The gas canisters went off. A few shrieked. "If holy water is bothering you, something's wrong with your viewpoints," he called. He hurried to Dawn's side, taking the tranq rifle from one of the hunting team. "Leave Dr. Banner alone!"
"We have orders, sir. He's to be taken into custody and handed to General Ross."
"Not unless someone brought him back to life since I shot him in New York during that attack on me," he shot back. "Stand down and get the fuck away from Dawn and Banner before I fuck your world up permanently." The guy backed off slowly. "Dawn, down. Now." She ducked down, shrinking the shield over her. He nudged the Hulk, getting glared at. "Move back. I need to fire on the humans with the holy water." The Hulk moved for him. Xander fired a few more canisters. An officer came running. "It's holy water. We use them to take down nests."
"You're using a weapon in DC," the officer said, trying to grab it.
Xander hit him with it. "Yeah, because someone's got to protect people and your response time is pathetic. Gee, what a damn shock." He looked around. "Yo, where's her guard?" he demanded.
"Not here, obviously," one of the hunting team said with a glare. Then he realized who he had just spoken to and blanched. "Harris!"
"Yup, and not a happy Xander either," he promised. "Find. Her. Guard." He called that in. He looked at the officer. "Think you can stop the angry mob now so everyone calms down?" He waved a hand at Banner. "Might help!" The officer glared and grabbed the gun again. Xander took it back. "Sorry, slayer property." He backed off looking scared. "Yeah, I'm Council. Dawn's Council related. Hence the attack!" He waved a hand again. "Please, fix your people! I hate fixing people." He walked over to the Hulk, who was grappling with a demon. "His head comes off and he turns to goo, Hulk." The Hulk roared and bashed it in. "That'll work," he agreed. He stared up at him. "You okay? Injured?" The Hulk looked so confused. Xander smiled. "I'm Xander. I work with Gloria and the slayers."
"Slayers nice. Gloria fussy."
"Yes she is." He smiled. "So's Dawn. Can you go guard Dawn for now?" He pointed. "That way no more of them try for her?" Hulk walked over to do that. "Dawn?" She uncurled and took down the shield. "Can you help his few scratches?"
"Of course." She stood up. "Hulk, can I heal them?"
"Heal?" he asked.
She touched her hand to his arm and the scratches on it slowly healed. She smiled. "I'm learning how to heal." Hulk smiled at her and let her do that. "Thank you. I hate to see people hurt." She looked at the angry people. "Though I might make an exception."
"That's like me hating to handle human problems but I made an exception for some militia groups in Africa," Xander quipped. "It's a long slide, Dawn. Don't start it until you have to."
She nodded. "I'm trying." She looked around then at the Hulk. "There's military guys, Xander."
Xander smiled and waved at them. "I do believe you're not going to be able to help."
"We have an arrest warrant signed by General Ross, sir. Get out of the way."
"General Ross is dead, dickhead." The guy flinched. "I'm the one who killed him because he was trying to kill me. It happened in New York." He stared at him. "Which is when we had to start talking to higher agents." One ran over. "Dawn?"
"Stephen, I'm okay. Let me finish healing his injuries."
"What happened?" he demanded. "Harris, gun? Please?"
"Only fires canisters of holy water," he said, handing it over. "It's the New York house's gun."
"I can make sure it gets back up there."
"Then why is it here?" an officer demanded.
"Because I had a member of the coven send me to defend Dawn," Xander shot back. "Since it had been going on long enough to make it to CNN and your people *still* weren't here!" The officer flinched back. He looked at Stephen. "Her guard?"
"The guy that they couldn't get replaced last night."
"He logged off at six," Dawn said. She stepped back. "Any more owwies, Hulk?" He shook his head, smiling at her and patting her on the head. "Thank you. You're a good guy." One of the military guys stepped closer. "Don't think I didn't learn from Xander as well as my sister." The guy sneered. Dawn flashed a spell at him, making him scream.
"Dawn," Xander warned. "Calm it back down please." She sighed but calmed herself. "Thank you. You're sucking energy from the tree behind you. I don't want you to hurt anyone nice." She nodded. More agents came running. Xander looked at one, stopping her by shoving her back. "Don't go near her. You know better."
"I'm to take Dawn to Cleveland," the agent said.
Xander pointed. "That's her Secret Service guard. That's his job. And stay away from Banner."
She blinked. "You're helping .... them?"
"They've helped in some of our battles and he stepped in to protect Dawn without knowing why. Hell yes I'm protecting him. Go deal with the soldiers who have old ideas."
"I can do that." She stomped over there. "I'm Agent Samantha Finn with Homeland Security. Produce ID's and orders, boys, or be brought up on charges of acting in DC."
"You're working with him?" one demanded, pointing at Xander.
"Yeah, my husband's old project got stopped by a slayer for being bad shit. I trust Xander's instincts in the field. Now, produce orders and ID or be arrested. I don't have this sort of patience."
"We have orders from General Ross!"
"He's dead," Xander called.
"I'm aware of that," Finn agreed. "Nice work in New York when that happened, Xander."
"Had to happen, not my idea." He looked at the staring agent. "Yes?"
"Mr. Harris, where's your guard?"
"What guard? I've been in New York since last night."
"Oh. That's wonderful."
Xander shrugged. "I was safe in the slayer house."
"We know." The officer frowned, looking at his feet then around. "Did anyone else just feel a shake?"
"I felt magic appear," Dawn said. She was looking around. "Oh, damn." Her guard and the Hulk both flinched. "Um, Xander?" She pointed.
He looked. "Wow, I need weapons," he said quietly. "A lot of weapons. We have to blow it to bits, because it's immortal." The agent stared then shuddered. "Now. Like right now." He was calling in. "Dawn...."
"Going," she said, grabbing onto her agent and pulling him. She paused, touched the Hulk, and shrank him. He went into her pocket and they ran for the agent's car. "We need to get out of DC," she ordered. "That one's immortal, pissed off, and can kill whole acres by sneezing." Stephen was calling that in while digging out his car keys so they could scatter. He did pause at Dawn's place to let her grab her emergency things and her mom's picture. Then they headed northwest.
Xander looked at the military guys. "Hey, Sam? If they're useful it'd be great," he called, watching Dawn shrink the Hulk. "Okay then," he muttered. "At least he'll be safe for now." Sam Finn glared at him so he pointed. She looked and went pale. "We need weapons. He's immortal like the Judge was."
"Fuck!" she shouted, calling that in. "Major demon incursion near the sixth's street nursery!"
Xander winced. "That's there. Damn it. We need...."
"They've already cleared the nursery. Someone local had their first vision," Sam Finn said. "The healers near there and every other demon family got moved last night, Xander." He nodded, calming himself. "What do we need to do?"
"It's immortal. We have to separate it. Unless it's a weird thing that I'm not thinking of."
Sam Finn's phone rang with a text message. "Via Riley, Rupert said you're right and it's allergic to lead."
"Great," he agreed. "I have no idea where we'll get that much lead." He snorted and rubbed his face, looking around. "Guys, do you want to die?" he called. He pointed. "That's going to eat you." They ran off. He glared at the military people. "They can stay and help." He looked around then at himself then at her. "I'm in no shape for a field battle," he said quietly. "I'll take weapons for five hundred, Alex."
"I can do the general leading," she promised. She went to gather support. "I'm Agent Samantha Finn from Homeland. We're about to have an attack by a higher demon. It is allergic to lead but immortal so we have to blow it apart. Military boys, I want you to help fire on it so it cannot advance farther. DCPD people, clear the damn area. It's a college, there's a lot of tasty meals running around in jammies and skimpy tops."
"Start a shelter in place outside of this area," Xander said. "He never travels alone and his friend could be carrying diseases." They nodded, calling that in. "If they do find her, do not engage. You can't kill her either and all you can do is wash her in holy water until she flees. Which would require the big guy there to help." The demon was smiling at them. "Hi, how're you today?" he asked with a smile back.
"You're injured."
"Yeah, I know that. Thanks for reminding me. Is that why you came today?"
"The Key was here."
Xander shook his head. "No. It wasn't. It's dead. We killed it after Glory came then died." The demon laughed. "Sorry. Some of us soaked up some of the energy but it's dead."
"I know better, *Knight*."
Xander shrugged. "If you're sure but you're still wrong." The demon swatted a car at them. "No, I'm not allowed to drive right now, thanks," he called with a wave. "Can you go home now? This is not the breakfast of champions I was expecting today." The demon moved closer, stomping on a dorm.
"It was cleared," an officer said. He was praying and trying to keep anyone from coming to help.
"ETA five minutes, Xander," Sam Finn called.
Xander nodded once. "Yay us." She shuddered. "So," he told the demon. "Since we killed the Key's energy and all you're seeing is some residue, why are you still here?"
"Because the betting is very high and I will gain much status and wealth by taking you out." He smirked, leaning down to look at him. "You'll die a pretty death."
"I doubt that," Xander said dryly. The demon laughed. Xander looked around it at the thing floating their way. "Guys, that's his friend, the floating germ." The demon tried to grab Xander but he moved. "No. Not today. It's not my day to die. There's still plenty of battles to come. I'm needed here. I might even spawn some day." The demon burst out laughing. The military guys were parking and pulling out weapons to get them from behind. Sam was coordinating with them. They were going to need a lot more than they had. The demon tried to grab Xander again but he avoided it. The demon sneered and pulled a sword.
Xander shrugged. "Yay. You have penis envy. Your sword is very telling about why you don't get any virgins to debauch," Xander said blandly. The demon quit paying attention to the others and focused on him. Which meant when Thor and Iron Man got there they were ignored too. Xander dove out of the way of the next attack attempt and through the cloud of germs unfortunately but he'd deal with that later. Yup, that sucked a huge amount. He came out choking and spit out the stuff he heaved up. "Glad I didn't have breakfast yet."
Thor hit the demon hard. "You will die now."
"Thor, he's immortal, you have to make him a gooey spot," Xander yelled.
"I can do such." They fired on the demon until he huffed and attacked back. Then the military took over again. Xander got one of the pieces from them and bled onto it, then fired it at the demon. Thor gave him an odd look. Xander pointed at the coven that had shown up. They were chanting and acting on his blood. The demon screamed as his arm fell off. Xander whimpered and held onto the car he was leaning against. They canceled that spell for him. Thor nodded. "An unwise decision but perhaps necessary."
Xander nodded. "They're like that. They keep getting stronger and worse the older I get." He fired off something else. "He's allergic to lead," he called. "Anyone got any handy lead construction beams?" The military guys shook their heads but they had ingots of lead coming. That got loaded into weapons and shot at the demon. He bellowed as one of his knees got ruined by it. "Hey." He grinned. "Great." They kept going until the demon was destroyed. It was trying to regenerate but people were waiting to pick up the remains and keep them separate. Xander panted, leaning down. He looked at the quiet footstep coming his way. "Thanks," he told the coven member, who nicely healed him.
"It was stupid, boy."
"It was necessary." He looked at her. "Did they suck up the germ cloud?"
She nodded. "They did. Used leaf blowers to force it to move into a safe." She checked his forehead. "You've had a shite year."
He grinned. "It means I'm effective and they're scared of me."
She snorted. "That too. Go rest."
"I have plans for that." She walked off. "Thanks. Can I get back to New York?"
"No!" Stark yelled. "You're going to quarantine!" He flew up and looked down at him. "Where's the Hulk?"
"Find Dawn. She has him."
"I can do that. Let's get you to the nice hospital room of doom to make sure you didn't pick up anything from your roll through the cloud."
"Sure, I guess that's reasonable," he sighed. "Just don't let it be the same people so they don't want to keep me? Or any torturing freaks?" he asked with a point at Ross's minions.
"Granted," one of the agents said. "NIH's hospital isn't like that." He took him to the ambulance. He was possibly infected anyway. The cloud had tried to grope him.
Xander looked at the agent. "One of your regional supervisors has a copy of my bloodwork from before this. It'll be important before someone freaks a tiny bit."
"I can call that in." He did that and nodded. "They've already delivered it and the doctors are already upset with it." Xander grinned. "The odd chromosomes?"
"I got exposed to mermaid taint."
The agent sighed, shaking his head. "I'm glad I'm too sane to work with your people, Harris."
"I'd like to have more people with sanity working with us. I'm hoping I get to train my protege soon and he has sense." They pulled onto the highway and toward Maryland. "Dawn sent my ID case and things up to New York by delivery people. It has the remains of my hellmouth taint concealing necklace."
"Great. Is that like magic?"
"It's like inter-world radiation. Dr. Banner had been studying it."
"Oh, okay." He made that note. "We should probably do a report. How did you know?"
***
Dawn knocked on a door. "Ma'am, I need some help. I made an oops."
"Who are you, child?" she asked, looking amused.
"Sorry, I'm Dawn Summers, Slayer Buffy's sister. I have magic I can't usually use but I grabbed onto someone earlier to protect them and it shrank them. Now I can't turn Dr. Banner back." She held him up. He fit nicely in her palm and was pouting. "Help?"
"Come in. Let's see if we can instruct you in how to undo it."
"I can't and am not supposed to be using my magic," she said, following her. "It was spur of the moment running from the higher thing that was attacking DC."
"I saw that on the news. Why don't you use your skills? The goddess gifted them to you, Dawn."
Dawn shook her head. "I'm not the usual witch and the way I was created, by magic, means I can't use the magic I hold most of the time. I let healers drain it off me usually so I'm not glowing with it."
"You need to learn how to control that."
"I can't. They didn't allow me to have control over the magic that made me." She stared at her. Then she moved closer to hiss in her ear. "That can't get out but I hold it and am not physically able to use it most of the time. I nearly broke the protections on it a few times trying to protect myself and earlier today was one."
"That's sad. Bad and sad." She sighed. "Let me see him. We can hopefully use your magic to undo it."
"I hope so. It protected him from all that but I thought he'd pop back a few hours later."
"That's fine. It was instinctive to help your protector." She called in a friend to help her. They looked over the spell. "It's a nice shrinking spell."
"It's the one Willow gets wrong that burns dinner on Andrew. I learned it to warn him she was doing it again." She nodded then grimaced. Dawn grinned. "I'm learning potions but Willow never measured a day in her life. I'm definitely not turning into her."
"I can see why. We'd all appreciate fewer of you young witches turning into her."
Dawn smiled. "There's a young witch in Africa that looked up to her. She made it snow to take out the bad people trying to attack her village." The witch moaned, shaking her head. "She was eight then. She's probably about ten now. She, Xander, and Rupert all had a talk about how to do that better and with less damage. Now she makes nibbling trees."
The witch patted her on the cheek. "You live a warped life, Dawn."
"I know but I'm in college. Studying to work with artifacts." She smiled. The witch snorted. When her friend came in to help they got down to work uncasting the shrinking charm.
He popped back to normal size and smiled at them. "Thank you, ladies. It was a bit weird being pocket sized."
"Sorry," Dawn said. "I was trying to make you lighter so you could move faster or maybe shrink a bit so you'd fit in a normal car."
"It's all right. It was a great learning experience." He gave her a careful hug. "Calm down, Dawn."
"I'm so ignoring my phone because I know my sister's nagged that they came for me again."
Bruce took the phone. He called Tony first. "I'm safe and my usual size. Where are we?"
"Lower Pennsylvania," Dawn said. "This is a member of the Amherst coven. They finally dealt with Willow."
"Thank you both, ladies." He shook their hands. "I'm glad that most witches aren't like Rosenburg was." They smiled. "Can we reimburse you for your effort?"
"No. It wasn't that hard, Dr. Banner. Dawn's a good girl and some day she'll learn better control."
Dawn looked at her and shook her head. "With the way I gained magic, there's no way I can use it. As shown earlier because the demon showed up to kill me." The witch stared. "There was an artifact and it ...infected me. That's how I have magic. It rebuilt my body with magic," she sighed. "I'm learning from healers. I donate a lot of energy to them."
"That's a good thing." They smiled and let them go, waving and smiling at them and the agent. "Such a nice girl."
"Very. Sad that she's so hampered. She could do great things with her magic."
"Yes but with that mess earlier, it's better if she not if that'll keep happening." The other witch nodded. "Well, let's have some tea. I haven't seen you since Saturday. Any news from the grandchildren?"
"Not yet. I'm hoping soon though." They went to make some tea and talk.
***
Giles looked up as Dawn walked into the office, handing over a report. "You didn't have to come up."
"Yes I did. The college kicked me out." She flopped down. "They agreed it wasn't my fault or my direct doing but having me there was too dangerous for the other students. I'm more than able to use their distance learning system though."
"That's unfortunately reasonable," he agreed. He read over the report. "So that's how it got started." She nodded. "Did you get to visit Xander?"
"No, we came here from Pennsylvania."
"Why?"
"The shrinking spell. I needed help undoing it."
"Ah. Some of the Amherst coven?" She nodded. "Good choice, Dawn."
"I got nagged a bit so explained how the artifact that basically rebuilt my body meant I couldn't really use it and if I tried, things like that appeared to eat the energy."
"Yes, they would. Your guard?"
"Switched out for a local one. He's in the car. He's a bit uptight."
Giles nodded. "Hopefully he'll be able to keep you safe. I can tell you that Xander doesn't appear to have caught anything off the germ cloud. It'll be three weeks to make sure." She smiled and nodded. "Everyone was quite happy that we managed to end that problem with help. Someone did ask if we could keep Xander out of DC since they think it's his fault."
"No, the humans started it and I had to shield myself," Dawn sighed. "That drew the wrong attention."
"We pointed that out. He wanted to know why and I told him it was classified and not anywhere anyone could find the information." He smiled. She grinned back. "So college by computer?" She nodded. "How many more months do you have?"
"Six more semesters until my masters."
"That's fine, Dawn. You can easily work around here."
"That means I get a paycheck?" she asked.
"Yes, you can be paid." He tidied up the report and filed it into his filing cabinet then looked at her. "Your sister can show you the local healers." She nodded. "If I never said it, I'm very proud of that decision. I'm sure your mother would be too." She smiled. "Go rest. It's been a trying twenty-four hours." She nodded, going up to her room. Giles sat back down and got comfortable. It was going to be a long three weeks straightening things out. Buffy shrieked but then Dawn laughed so it was fine he supposed.
***
Xander stared at his visitor. "I'm going to retire after I get someone trained to take care of my minis."
The doctor nodded. "Might be a good idea with how banged up you've been this year." He pulled a chair over. "They wanted me to go over your CT scans and some of the things in your medical files."
Xander nodded. "I'm confused by it anyway." That got a slight smile. "What did you need to know?"
"First, let's start with the weirdest. Chromosome damage?"
"Mermaids. Back in high school the coach really wanted to start having a winning swim team. I joined the team to see why they were turning black and slimy then eating people."
Buckaroo sighed but nodded. Of course it was something like that. Xander had shown he was a huge trouble magnet while they were on vacation near each other. Tommy was still teasing him that the boy was actually his. "Did they detox it?"
"Yup. I had a full blood transfusion out of bought stock." Buckaroo sighed and shook his head, making that note. "The hospital out there was like that. They fed the local community more than took care of the humans. You could buy nearly anything out of there. That's why I never went if I didn't have to. Twice in my life I've been there and I survived the ER. Once I even needed surgery."
"You were lucky."
"Yes I was. They were bad hacks though. They took out my appendix and I could see some of my guts through the incision that wasn't fully closed." Buckaroo stared at him. Xander nodded. "They were like that. I'm glad they decided they could practice on me instead of using me as a money making venture."
"I'd be happy too." He looked at the notes. "First concussion?"
"Six."
"Last concussion?"
"The battle before last."
Buckaroo looked up at him. "Why?"
"Huge ass demons." He shifted to curl up. "Attacked the military hospital and all that?"
"I remember seeing that." He made another note. "What number concussion was that?"
"I lost track at ten. Willow swore I double counted a few."
Buckaroo looked up at him. "Is she still around?"
"No idea where."
"Okay, we can handle that if she shows up to take you out."
"She's not that direct. She'd bless me with great luck, which would warp thanks to the hellmouth taint."
"Would that be the radiation?"
"Yes. Dr. Banner had me hooked up to some machines to look at that."
"Good. Maybe he can find a way to weed it out of you?"
"I have no idea why I sucked up more than my fair share."
"Wonderful." He went back to the notes.
Xander grinned. "Usually it's girls that get that frustrated with me. You're not secretly a slayer, right?" he teased.
Buckaroo smirked at him. "No, I don't nag. Outside of Tommy." He got back to work. They finally got to the CT and Xander stared at it with his head tipped to the side. "That's the brain," he said.
"I can see that. I'm wondering if the visions are the dark spot here, or here," he said with a point.
"Good question. We don't know either."
"Hmm. A mystery. Then again we used to call ourselves the Scooby gang." Buckaroo looked at him. "I could never decided if I was supposed to be Shaggy or Scooby."
"I'm hoping Shaggy since he was the human. Why not Fred?"
"Not sporty. I could never wear the gay scarf either." Buckaroo cracked up at that, making Xander smile at him. "How soon before I get pity cuddles from someone?"
"A long, long time. You have another week and a half."
"Shoot." He shifted and sat back down again. "Now what?"
"Now....are you going to take a vacation?"
"I'd like not to be in pain for a few days," Xander admitted. "It's been a bad year."
"It has." He stared at him. "Remember, that town said to warn them if you came back so they could be on the watch for you to trip into more cursed treasure."
"That was fun."
"Your idea of fun is a bit twisted, Xander."
"I'm the twisted slinky of the higher powers. They didn't tell you that?" he quipped with a grin. Buckaroo looked at him. "I am. They hate me like hell so they twist me more then they have to let me go to fix their problems."
"Sounds more like a yo-yo."
"Yeah but I'm not that crazy or Buffy so I'm a slinky." Buckaroo smiled, shaking his head again. "Buffy's the undead yo-yo. All the girls call her that. It's even her email address."
"Your people are nuts."
"Yes they are. Me, I'm a bit more sane than some but that's because I learned early on to escape the girls when they were being ...cranky."
Buckaroo stared at him for a minute. "Three years?"
"Unless I get a protege sooner. Because I really ache."
"I can see why. Lay back down."
"I hate laying down."
"Yay. We have to put in the IV again." Xander sighed but laid down and let him lay the IV with the preventative antibiotics. "Thank you for cooperating."
"I know they have to do it in case." He looked at him. "You know, someone has samples of it from when they took me to experiment on," he said quietly. "Which scares the fuck outta me."
Buckaroo blinked a few times. "They do?"
"Yeah. Last year I was taken on my way back to Africa by a group that wanted to see what made me have visions. Then another group had me for a bit. We know one was HYDRA."
"Crap."
"Yup." He nodded. "So fair warning I guess."
"They're already distilling yours."
"The docs that did the test for the president said they can do that to three of them."
"I'll let them know."
"I thought that one in the mall was them and it wasn't. Then again, I'm paranoid."
"You're reasonably paranoid, kid. It's a great thing." He left, going to talk to the head doctors, who had been listening.
"We heard," one said. "He's right. The kidnaping is in his file with the Secret Service and there's a nice one line note about him having been sick in the past. When I asked nicely they gave over that set of results. Someone at the CDC cooked it down."
"So they're on alert?"
"They are. I'm hoping they don't have enough to do anything major with but I can understand why he's worried."
"This is his third demon attack in a few weeks," Buckaroo said. "He was the guy in Africa."
"We saw," another promised, then looked up to say a silent prayer. "They hopefully won't be coming here and he has a knife in there in case he really needs it."
"That's good. Let me know if you need more help."
"Someone has to figure out those brain anomalies," the head doctor said with a smile.
"One may be from his visions."
"So that's the guy that Director Fury outed," the other researcher said. Buckaroo nodded. "Big ones?"
"Apocalypse battles."
"Then necessary. Poor guy." He saw Xander knocking and toggled the speaker. "What's wrong, Mr. Harris."
"I just freaked out the half-demon janitor. Someone might want to make sure he's not crying in the bathroom and if you're working on vision stuff, get the files from Rupert on Cordelia Chase and there's three others I locked into the infirmary's safe. She had the most scans of any of us but they're three different sources giving visions that we know of."
"We can do that," Buckaroo agreed. "I'll send New Jersey. The girls all adore him. How bad?"
"They've all got autopsy reports and scans," Xander said. "Cordelia lasted almost two years with hers but hers were directly from the Powers That Be and they told the half-demon she inherited them from that they were painful to make sure you knew it wasn't a daydream. His brain handled them better but then again he died to stop nazi asshole demons from nuking LA."
Buckaroo moaned, nodding. "I'll have him gather those on his way down. Where do yours come from?"
"No idea," Xander admitted. "At all. In those files, hers are PTB given. One was given by a wish demon, he asked for them. The other we were never sure but I'd guess it was a higher demon instead of a good power with the way he kept yelping at holy water."
"Good to know. We can look them over to compare. You, go rest."
"I can do that. Make the janitor quit crying? I'm not going to be mean to him." He went back to his bed.
"I'll go find the janitor," one of the guards said. "I know he's peaceful if he's here." He walked off shaking his head. This was the most lively the unit had been in years.
Buckaroo walked off calling. "It's me, Sydney. I need you to stop at the main Council house and pick up medical records that are in their safe on Cordelia Chase and a few other seers. Xander said he put them in there himself. Thank you. Yes, I'm making you pay off your poker debt this way," he said dryly when it was asked. He smiled. "Yup, see you tomorrow." He hung up and went back to looking at the brain images. They were really fascinating. One of the areas with damage looked like where their powers were activated. But Xander didn't have any.
***
One of the slayers opened the door at the polite knock, staring at the guy there. "Um... I've seen you on Willow's fangirl posters. Need a slayer?" she quipped with a grin.
"I need Rupert for Xander. He left some files that might be relevant to his care in the infirmary."
"Giles is yelling at a principal yet again so it'll be at least twenty minutes but I can get our doc down. She could use a break. She's still mad she just delivered a baby for one of us."
"Usually that's a happy time," he said, stepping in.
"The slayer's fourteen and no one knew she was pregnant. She's real mad at Hailey." She led him to the sitting room then jogged off to the infirmary. "Hey, Doc?" She looked up from fussing over the baby. "You got a visitor who I've seen on one of Willow's fangirl posters."
"Why?"
"Xander said he needed a few files you have somewhere."
"Okay." Hailey tried to take the baby but the doctor walked out with her to feed her. "Rest, Hailey."
"Yes, Doc. Thanks for changing diapers," she quipped with a wave at her back. She slid down to nap with the other young one coming over to nag her.
The other slayer smiled. "We'll fuss over you now because your sore butt won't ever be able to sit again once Buffy hears."
"I'm just happy Xander can't fly up and swat me," she said. "You know he would."
That one nodded. "Yup."
The doctor walked into the sitting room and paused. "I know who you are," she said with a smile. "What files did you need? I hardly ever see Xander."
"He said he left some files about some seers in the safe. One on Cordelia Chase and there's three others?"
"Ah, that file. We do have one but I need Rupert to okay the release." She looked at the baby, who was sucking hard on her bottle. Then back up at him. "She's resting."
"It's fine. On my bad days I go hover by the nursery. OB's have the happiest job of all doctors."
"Yeah, they do. There's days I wanted to do that." She got comfortable. "Where's Rupert?" she called.
"The middle school, again," one of the other watchers complained. "He needs to discipline those girls before they do the same damn thing Hailey did."
The doctor leaned over to look at him. "Hailey got drunk at a party and she got her butt chewed for it. She'll get further chewed on for hiding the pregnancy since it could've killed her. Even Xander nagged her about that party. She hasn't done it since then. She's even talked to a few of the younger girls about not doing that because they'd hate the outcome." That watcher huffed as he walked off. She shook her head. "Old liners," she said quietly.
"I saw the documentary." He smiled and wiggled his fingers at the baby. "Hi, precious."
"Her mom's thinking she'll be an Annabelle."
"That's a pretty name." The baby belched but that was normal baby behavior.
Buffy stomped in. "Doc, why did I get a head's up that Hailey's off training?" she demanded. She paused at the sight of the baby. "Where did that come from? A new mini that had problems?"
"Hailey got pregnant that time she got drunk."
"Fuck!" Buffy said. They heard a few of the girls jump. "How stupid is she! She should have told us! If only so I could've bought cute stuff for the baby!" She stomped off to yell at her mini.
"Oh, come on, Buffy!" Hailey whined loud enough to be heard. "I'm sore! The huge baby came outta my butt and I can barely sit! I'm just really glad Xander's not here to beat me to death but can you lighten up? I didn't know!"
"I need to do some remedial anatomy lessons," Doc quipped, cracking New Jersey up. Giles stomped in. "Giles, I need you for a second before you go yell at Hailey."
He came in and blinked at the baby. "A new mini that got dropped off due to horrifying circumstances?"
"Hailey's new baby."
"Interesting. Were we aware of its presence?"
"No and apparently neither was she."
"Oh, dear."
Doc smiled. "This is a very nice neurologist and Xander sent him to get the files on seers so they can compare to his brain in case it's needed. I need authorization to release it."
"Which seers?"
"He mentioned Cordelia Chase and three others, Mr. Giles."
He blinked. "We'd like for that information to remain a bit quiet."
"So would I," New Jersey assured him with a smile. "The problem is that we found a brain anomaly with Xander. We need to figure out if it's something from a vision or something from the repeated head injuries he's had, or a brain change due to whatever he coughed up from that cloud of germs."
"That's a reasonable thing."
"Also, we may be able to find something that could ease the pain for him and any others. I know he's said that there's nothing to do that."
"No, there's not. Cordelia tried everything, even quite a few illicit things." He considered it. "Yes, we can allow that as long as it doesn't get too widely spread."
"Myself, Buckaroo, and the NIH team that's treating him can overview it?"
"That'd be reasonable I suppose. Thank you and do let us know if you can figure out anything about visions. Including who gifts his to him."
"I can do that. Thank you." He shook his hand.
Buffy stomped out. "Giles, Hailey had a baby and we didn't even know so we could buy the baby stuff."
He looked at her. "We'll have to buy plenty now, though I dread that shopping receipt."
"Second hand stores have a lot of useful things," New Jersey said. "Babies that young only care that they're covered, not what they wear. When Mrs. Johnson, our compound's caretaker, had hers she shopped there for all but the cute picture outfits."
Buffy smiled. "That could help. They'd have cribs too?"
"Maybe. If not they might know where to look to get one cheaply. Buy the expensive, heavy, durable one if more of you are having kids soon. Buy the one that'll last the needed two years if not."
Buffy grimaced. "I don't want to do that at all. We can buy her the cheaper crib." She walked off.
Doc smiled at him. "I did that when mine was little. Now she's thirteen and her father swears up and down her closet is as big as a mall." She got up and walked off. Giles took the baby from her to cuddle at with Andrew. "Thanks, guys. She just ate."
"That's fine. We should get used to having such a tiny thing around," Giles said. "Andrew, I fear the girls are going to be shopping for days."
Andrew looked at the baby, nodding. "Those things scare me. Though, yeah, I'll make room for the bags of stuff." He walked off before he was asked to hold it.
Doc smiled at her guest. "I can get you those." She led him to the infirmary, having to move around the girls in there talking to Hailey. She dug that file folder out of the safe, handing over the accordion file. "There you go. I hope it helps and he's all right."
"So far he's still telling bad jokes and he's really happy he can't be nagged yet."
"He's getting it when he gets back," one of the young slayers said with a southern accent. "I'm gonna turn into my Grandma and yell at him like she used to yell at me!"
"I'll tell him you want him to get better sooner so he can't run," New Jersey said, getting a grin and a hug. He patted her on the head. She bounded off to find the baby to coo at. He nodded at the doctor and left, going down to Maryland. The one driving him was reading but he put it away as soon as he got into the car. "There's a new baby in the house."
"Awww. I'm so glad we guys don't have to deal with that. We'd be horribly mushy and never get anything done." He drove off, letting the doctor look over the results. "Anything good?"
"On seers."
"Oh. That stuff."
"Yeah. This one's... wow." He put the file back together so he could read the physical files on the way there. That poor girl before she died.
***
The semi-ghostly figure appeared holding a kid in her tentacles, looking at the guy on the bed.
"If that's Hailey's son, someone's in deep."
"Nah, Hailey had a girl. He's Mia's little brother that was miscarried. She's all sad."
"If I could call...." He waved a hand.
"I know." She smirked. "Sweet job getting them into my visions scans." He grinned back. "Retiring? Might be harder."
"I know but I can try or fall back to research and stuff. Like the demons, the old liners consider me weaker."
She nodded. "Yup. They're going to try to take you out in here." Xander pointed at the canister on his bedside table. "Sweet."
"Nah, I was never sweet." He sat up, looking at her. "Any other traumas with my girls?"
"Yihana's watcher is a dick."
"I'm going to kick his ass again soon."
She smiled. "Not soon enough."
"Have Dawn call?"
"I'm having Faith call." He smirked evilly at her. "Yeah. Plus she's going to see the girls down there with your future protege." He nodded. "So..." She looked around. "They might think you're talking to yourself."
"One can see you from the doorway, Cordy. Are you okay?"
"I'm okay. It's a quiet month. They didn't have any of those attacks planned."
"I noticed I haven't gotten a vision for this upcoming spring yet."
"It's not a real apocalypse. It's more initiative style douches. That hunting team thing is going to bite them on the ass."
He nodded. "I can pass that on."
"They won't listen."
"They will listen. I found three of them were on the team that kidnaped me."
"They won't listen or care, Xander. You're just a guy who jumped in to them."
Xander smiled. "You know what? I think I need to show my skills. Buffy's going to sob."
"Why?"
Xander smiled. "What happened in Scytha?"
"A lot of hell.... oh, shit."
"Oh, yeah." He smiled. "You can warn her though."
"I can do that." She stared at him. "So, vacation?" she guessed.
He grinned. "It's not a horrible one. Kinda boring and the food sucks but it's not bad."
"Cool." She smirked. "The higher ups said you better find a way to become immortal. They don't want you to guard a slayer or anything else."
"If I'm killed for a bad reason I'm coming back as an avatar of justice."
She squeaked. "Oh, that's so bad."
He smiled. "I know. But it means I can beat up on boyfriends for future slayers." He grinned. She patted him and kissed him on the forehead then left with the spirit kid. Xander looked at the one in the doorway. "Cordy."
"The one in the file?" that doctor asked. Xander nodded. "Ah."
"She's now the messenger for the Powers That Be."
"Why did she have tentacles?"
"Being partially turned made the visions not kill her as fast."
"Charming. Try to rest and I'll tell them you need better food." He reclosed the door and went to report that.
Cordelia appeared across town, smiling at the woman. "Let me lay the knowledge low on you, Samantha Finn." She flinched, stepping away from her. "Good idea. Your little plan to resurrect your husband's former job? It's a bad one. It's the apocalypse over a few springs and it'll start a civil war humanity won't win. Because there's higher powered ones than the ones that came after Xander recently. The one that was immortal? They consider him a pussy." Finn's eyes were wide. "Xander hasn't had a vision because it won't be an apocalypse battle and the slayers don't have to protect you from your own idiocy. So take the hint, okay? The clue bus is honking and you should get on." She disappeared to another site, smiling at the man there.
"Who're you?" he asked.
"Cordelia Chase. I used to be on the LA team." She kept her form. "You need to look at a few things and spread it *real* far because the spring apocalypse isn't a battle. It's the initiative coming back again." She looked up then kept her form steady. "Look at Xander's hidden history. Look at Scytha, which was on a mystical side realm that he got summoned to. Look at all those and talk to Variyana's mom. She has the notes on a few of those battles since they were around her. Xander spent sixteen months out of time fighting things we think are myths. And if the initiative restarts, or the hunting team of them, then the slayers don't have to protect the people doing it. Take the hint, please? We don't want to see this horrible civil war." She faded out, glaring at her bosses. "It's stopping the huge civil war."
"Still not your duty," one of the Powers That Be said.
She shrugged. "I was there." She walked off. "Not like you sent Whistler."
***
Xander woke up the next morning to screaming people. He looked at his IV, which was running, then at the screen showing the doctors having a fight. He coughed loudly. "What's that bad that you had to wake me up?" he called. "I was dreaming of harem girls who liked to do more than pity cuddle and feed me."
The doctor flinched, staring at the screen. "You went where?" he demanded.
"Was it one of the ones I was pulled to or was it one of the ones I just happened to fall into? Ask the nice neurologist guy, he's seen me do that." He sat up. "Which one are we talking about, Dr. Fosters?"
"Some mystical bull realm?"
"Oh, the I got pulled there trip. There had been a war. It had left a lot of damage and they were about to be invaded by demons. I was working with one of the Indian slayers because she needed to know how to use an axe and the guy in Asia can't." He grinned. "Their six-year-old queen went to pray at their altar, which went to a higher power over here, that they'd find warriors that could defend even their enemies from the demons trying to take them out since they were weak. She and I were there. She and I did some good work and got the people working together with her. The queen was a sweet kid. She had early balls of steel but she was a sweet kid. We helped a lot."
He grinned. "After sixteen months at that, and with extra lessons from their arms teachers for both of us, we're both even better with swords and axes. We were gone for about three days here." The doctor gaped, staring at him then huffed. "Doctor Fosters, things like that just happen around me. She even managed to find a husband her mother adores because he helps around the house." He shrugged and grinned. "I thought you'd be more upset about the cave battle or the mine thing. Or hey, even the battle with pirates."
"Shut up, kid," one of the nurses yelled. "He's going to blow his stack soon."
Xander grinned and waved at her. "I could talk about the other stuff. Things like the battles that no one saw because no one else was there. Some of those are really bad and things I don't like to remember. Though the queen's mother kept trying to throw parties until we pointed out we weren't that sort of being and that looked really bad to the rest of the people." He smirked. "It wasn't that bad."
"What about the one with the crystals?"
Xander laughed. "Oh, so bad. I almost wanted to be blind after that." He shook his head. "It helped. A lot. Still so bad. I think I defeated that one with a vibrator. One of Anya's she had shoved into my pack." The doctor whimpered and walked off shaking his head. "The crystals hummed," he explained to the horrified looking nurse. "The demon was driven batty by the humming. He offed himself." She groaned and left too.
Cordelia appeared, staring at him, head tipped to the side. "How did you defeat the blue thing in the well?"
"I had been drunk the night before thanks to the battle in that one temple. I threw up in his water. He got so horrified he got out to scrub himself off and I got him since he couldn't regenerate without the water." He smiled. "Or are we talking about the hairy one that I just brushed until he went back to sleep?"
"We're not going to talk about that, Xander. The weird plan that works thing is really, really wrong." She disappeared.
Xander grinned as he looked up. "I turned down the one that wanted to make me a human siren."
"Thank you muchly," she quipped back. "Please quit before I get the same headache the PTB get?"
Whistler showed up, adjusting his hat. He looked at Xander. "Kid, the higher ups would like you to retire."
"I've got to train people to take care of my minis then I'll fall back to huge battles, training somewhere safer, and research."
"Yeah, they'd like you to retire more than that."
Xander nodded. "Not like I won't jump in if humanity needs me to."
"Point. That's your personality. We actually took a look at your history thanks to that bit of showing from Cordelia. They're a bit...horrified really."
Xander grinned. "I can only do what I can when I'm the only one there."
Whistler nodded. "We get that. We totally get that. Take a year off?"
"I'm going to be taking about four months off to fully heal."
"Can you stretch it out?"
"Let me find a nice lover?"
"Yeah, there's no hope of that. You might breed."
"Infertile," he quipped. "Always have been."
"Really? Huh." He nodded. "Then maybe we will. Um...just...heal and take some time off, all right? And don't answer the phone. A reporter went to ask Buffy first instead of Rupert." He disappeared, going to warn Rupert since Buffy was talking to the reporter.
Xander shrugged and settled in, reaching over to turn off the IV machine when it beeped. "My IV's done," he called.
"We'll come in after we take something for the headache," the nurse called back.
"Okay. I turned it off."
"Thank you, Xander."
***
Buffy stomped into the house. "Xander turned into a strange, geeky thing, Giles!"
"Whistler told me about them," he called from his office. "Most of them aren't under the same codes in his journal. That's why we missed them. Interesting." He went back to reading the other things. "I do hope his future protege doesn't learn that sort of thing from him," he said, clicking off the story of his weekend with two nice bad girls who liked weapons.
She stomped in there. "He went to some fantasy realm, Giles. There were elves!"
"Yes, I saw that report." He looked at her. "They summoned him, Buffy. He didn't voluntarily go."
"Still! It's Xander!"
"Yes and he was what was needed." He stared at her. "It could have been worse."
She snorted. "It could've been Andrew but he's a real geek. Not a fake geek like Xander."
Andrew knocked then leaned in. "Don't start. I could've easily solved it. They just called him because he was there. Sorta like how he fell into cursed buried treasure on his last real vacation."
She glared. "He can't do that."
"Yes he can. He's just like that." He looked at Giles. "Want me to send off the reporters that want to talk to you?"
"Please, Andrew." He smiled. "At least his quarantining time will hopefully let some of this die down without him being seen." Andrew nodded. Buffy huffed again. "Dear, perhaps you should go find some chocolate?" She stomped off. Giles went back to reading. "Sometimes Xander is the most amusing thing. Then again, sometimes he's the reason we all drink."
***
Xander looked over as someone entered his room. "Wow, someone was real liberal to let a reporter in here. Guys, is the reporter supposed to be here?" he yelled. "She doesn't even have a mask on."
"Don't breathe on her," a nurse called. "Guards are coming, Xander."
"Thank you." He looked at her. "I'm sure you'll have a great three week stay too," he quipped with a smile. "Why did you break a federal level quarantine to bother me?"
"You did things that no one else has."
"Sometimes I was the only one there."
"You fell into buried treasure in South Africa."
"I did it more than that." He grinned. "Things like that happen around me." The guards hauled her out and up to the doctors to yell at her. Xander waved at her back. "Have a nice time off, lady!" He grinned at the screen. "What's going around now?"
"A story about pirates."
"Which one?" She glared. "Sorry! Once they had me hostage. Once I had to get weapons. Once I found out they were pirates because we were drinking and they tried to recruit me because I was really drunk and still hit the mouse that tried to eat me."
She nodded. "You're weird."
"Sometimes." He grinned. "I would've gone nuts any other way."
"Probably true," she agreed. "No wonder there's doctors wondering about your unique brain structure." He laughed. "I'll let them know so they can find that part. Maybe we can turn it down." She walked off to do that.
Xander could hear the screaming at the reporter. He turned on the tv, watching the entertainment news people having a fit about him. It was so sweet. Wait until they heard a few things that even Giles was going to drink about. "At least the slayers can't nag while I'm in here. Or the witches. Because the coven's going to have a seizure about it."
***
Dawn looked up from grocery shopping for Andrew, he had bruised his hand earlier, when someone cleared their throat. "Yes?"
"Miss Summers?" Dawn nodded. "We know you're related to Buffy."
"She's my sister."
"That's good. Do you have a quote about Mr. Harris' weird things? Especially about the crystal cavern? Or the world crystal perhaps? Or maybe even that one witch that was going to explode?"
"Haven't heard about the last two. The first one, it annoyed him and Xander said he had never felt so blind in there. Thankfully the crystals hummed and it drove the demon nuts." She smiled. "He solved it with a vibrator his late former fiancee had left in his backpack."
"A...vibrator?"
"Humming crystals at vibration...." Dawn prompted.
"Oh. That may drive me nuts too," she agreed. "You didn't hear about the other things?"
"Xander shared some stories with me since I won't nag like my sister does. Neither of those." She got out of someone's way. "What about that witch?"
"She had been cursed to absorb magic and have to get pregnant to solve it. Apparently he somehow helped drain her through sex magic?"
"Sex magic is usually used for power raising but you also channel it to an intended purpose. It makes sense he could help her channel it. Did she get pregnant? Xander's infertile."
"No, but I'm told the local county had very good crops?"
"That's a great use of that sort of energy." Dawn smiled. "It's fertility energy and that'd help with crops. That's a great use." She shifted her weight.
The reporter frowned. "I guess I can see how that helps. Especially since everyone was avoiding her because she was glowing."
"Yeah, that's an aura problem when you're too full of magic."
"Do you do that?"
"I donate the stuff I can't use to a healer or two." She smiled. "It's very helpful and it means they can help more beings."
"Do they treat humans?"
"Not always. A lot of humans wouldn't go to them even if they would." She shrugged. "They're not treated by the local ER's. Someone's got to help the peaceful one's injuries." She grinned. "I've leant energy to help a lot of things. From little kids who needed stitches to a birthing problem once, to a lot of other things. I'm learning a lot from them too. Including potions for my artifact work."
"Interesting. Why don't the local ER's handle any peaceful demon's injuries?"
Dawn shrugged. "Have to ask them." She smiled at the butcher, taking the boxes. "Andrew's only ordering for a day?" she asked.
"We have another six boxes, ma'am."
Dawn smiled. "I'm Dawn. Andrew bruised his hand earlier." He nodded, smiling as he walked off to get them. She smiled at the reporter. "I'm doing grocery shopping for him."
"The girls eat that much?"
Dawn snorted. "My sister closed out a buffet more than once. Slayers eat a *ton*. They go through it awfully fast, but they go through about six thousand calories a day."
"Your sister's been looking skinny."
"I know." She took more boxes. "She needs a new boyfriend. She always eats better when she's got one." The reporter nodded, walking off at that. She winked at the butcher, who handed her the last few boxes. "Thanks."
"Welcome. Have fun hauling the ones from produce."
"I'm glad I'm not chocolate shopping. Some of the girls are super picky about what kind they want." She walked off. "Thanks." She went to check out after a swing to get milk. The manager had the rest of their order and she had Andrew's special card. It went through and they loaded up the van Andrew had given her to drive. On the way home she paused for fries and a burger, then went home to watch the slayers haul food inside. The burger and fries were so she'd get something to eat tonight. Only stupid people got between slayers and food.
***
Xander was back to watching the screaming doctor show on the monitor. The nurses weren't even trying to calm him down now. He wondered what had started off this fit but they'd tell him eventually or the doctor would shout about it instead of incoherent screaming.
"We will not *ever* treat demons!" the doctor finally screamed.
"Doctor Fosters?" Xander called. "You do know that there's a lot of peaceful demons?" The doctor glared at him and turned off the monitor. "Fine. That's why there's healers." A nurse came in with his next IV bag. "Some day we'll all be without prejudices about species."
"Maybe," she said. "It'll be a while though. Look at the other racial tension going on."
"True. I've seen some of that based on birthplace and then being a white guy in Africa. Everyone thought I was an aid worker or a missionary." He grimaced. "Do I really have to have the IV? It's been two weeks."
"Two more days of it."
He grimaced. "Please?"
"No."
He stopped her from sticking him, pointing at a tag. "When did I start that one?"
She looked, frowning. "That's a different version of your usual one. It's the generic name." She looked at him. "None of us would hurt you for what you do, Xander." He waved a hand toward the monitor. "Even him." He nodded, letting her stick him. "If he does, you turn into that guy that took down a hell goddess for flirting with you."
"I didn't take her out for flirting with me. I did it because she tried to bite me." The nurse walked out giggling. Xander watched the IV start to drip, sighing. "I feel like I'm on an execution table and it's like Russian roulette. I should quit thinking that about people. I'm too paranoid."
The monitor came back on and the nurse nodded. "You are. We can have someone talk to you about that."
Xander looked at her. "Maybe when I retire. Or I'll write a book for the mini slayers." He grinned. "That way they and the future watchers know what's really out there."
"I'm sure they'd be amused but you'd have to rate it for adults only. It might be too late for them." She walked off. Xander could hear her talking to the huffy one. "Doctor Fosters, Xander's worried that your little fit means you're going to try to doctor his IV and kill him." The doctor huffed again like a girl. "You're making him more paranoid. We probably shouldn't do that. It might bring up one of the ones he already carried." She walked off. She had to check that reporter that was in federal custody for breaking into Xander's room. The doctor stomped off but went to the hospital chapel to get right with his version of a higher being.
***
Weird Old Lines.