Xander nearly danced out of the hospital when they let him go. As soon as he was out of that mandatory wheelchair he was all but dancing up the street to the bus stop. A hand grabbed him, hauling him to a van. "Hi," he chirped. "I'm free!"
"There's six reporters waiting on you in Cleveland," Tommy joked, smirking at him. "The boss wanted you."
"Okay. Did he figure out about visions?"
"Just that he hopes he never gets any."
"I won't kiss him then," Xander said. "That's how Cordy got hers. Doyle kissed her before he died."
"Yeah, we don't need that to happen." He opened the van door and pointed then walked around to get in and drive.
Xander climbed in and closed the door. "Did you figure out visions?"
"He kissed her and turned hers on?"
"I think he passed the gift over," Xander admitted.
"Yeah, let's not try that," New Jersey said with a smile. "Some of the damage is vision related." Xander nodded, losing some of the grin. "You figured that?"
"With the way they hurt? I'm sure there's a tiny little tornado in there destroying whole blocks. Some day soon I'll have to hold telethons to raise money to rebuild them."
Buckaroo looked at him. "Be serious."
"I am serious. I know it's causing damage. It hurts a whole lot when I get one. I've had one ear start to bleed one time. I figured there was damage, just not as much as Cordy had."
"You're showing half the damage she had at the first scan, that was about a year of her having visions."
"I've had them for seven years now," Xander said. "Okay." He looked at them. "I'm guessing the other damage was concussions?" Buckaroo nodded. "Got it. Gotta stop doing that soon anyway."
"Might be a good idea. Are you really going to retire?"
"I might fall back to training. Especially with the really minis. They shouldn't have to be in Cleveland." He got comfortable while they drove around. "I just turned thirty this year. I started this fourteen years ago. My plan is about three years long since so many of those new watchers won't be fully out of training until then."
"Okay," Buckaroo said. "Then what? What about the bloodline stuff?"
"Are we sure it wasn't activated?"
"You show some damage in that area. We think it might be the hellmouth taint," New Jersey said.
"I don't think we can ever weed it all out," Xander said. "Can we?"
"Not sure," Buckaroo said. "Are you willing to take it up if we can?"
Xander nodded. "It can only help since I've had visions of apocalypse battles that even you were at. The next one's in five years. You were playing some sort of lute instrument."
Buckaroo blinked a few times. "I was?" Xander nodded. "Why?"
"No idea." He shrugged. "Huge battle just outside NYC."
"Good to know. Five years?" Xander nodded. "Huh."
Xander nodded. "I'm still going to be there for bigger battles, even when I retire. The girls need more help, not less. I'll still be protecting myself and any minis around me. That's the guy I am."
"We get that," Tommy agreed. "As long as you're not actively hunting it should be okay."
"I haven't really actively hunted more than huge problems. It's not like I hold patrol in Africa. In Sunnydale we did. Regional houses do and if I'm there I do take my turn." He looked at Buckaroo again. "Why would they care?"
"It unbalances things."
"Is this the Powers That Be? Because they hate me more than anything ever created."
"The Powers That Were, who hated the slayers had to be created," Buckaroo said.
Xander nodded. "So the ones that let the demons take over the plane?"
"No clue," Buckaroo sighed.
Xander grinned. "I'm not against it. It'll mean I might live to see forty. Maybe even forty-two. I realize I'm ancient for a hunter. Slayers used to last a year, year and a half at the most. Hunters, people who did it with them instead of watchers, lasted about as long and usually got turned into something horrible. I've lasted tons longer than that. It's about time for me to find a great evil cuddly thing and then retire. I'm still realistic and pretty darn good at pissing off higher beings. What if that's a plot in itself?"
Buckaroo considered it. "I think you're still paranoid."
"We're pretty sure the whole First Evil time was a plot by the PTB to get enough slayers for the invasion," Xander said. Who knew New Jersey had an eye twitch. He grinned at him. "Yeah, so we know they have bad ideas. I've overturned them repeatedly. Which they hate me for."
"So maybe not so paranoid," Tommy agreed. "Would it matter?"
"I think that depends on why they think it's necessary," Xander said, looking at Buckaroo again. "Why is it necessary that we all take up our bloodlines? I'm not against it, but why now? Why not when we were younger and more able to handle it?"
"We didn't find out about you and Darcy until a few years ago."
"If there's a plot it involves Darcy," Tommy said. "Her bloodline would be more openly used." He glanced back then parked. "We have no idea what you'll be under since there's no war god."
Xander grinned. "That must be nice." They all nodded. He looked at the other two. "Any orders beyond not to order a whole lot of takeout, docs?"
"Go nap," Buckaroo said. "Don't call in an ex-girlfriend. A few were found and asked, they were horrified too."
Xander smiled. "I don't date nice girls usually. Only the naughty ones, going toward evil, love me." He climbed out and went to get a room at the hotel.
Tommy looked back at them. "The guy who did his background check must have some version of pre-sentience. He said it'd be a huge problem."
"I don't find him a problem. I find that he does what he's got to do," Buckaroo said. "It would've been great if he had gotten into science." New Jersey nodded he agreed. "We could've mentored him."
"I think he'd do fine, but I'm worried they'd be upset," New Jersey said quietly.
"They might," Buckaroo said. "They were upset I was doing science."
"Why don't we let them meet?" Tommy said. "It might piss him off but it might go."
"Darcy agreed too because she got hurt in the last battle," Buckaroo said. "We can do that. It's in a few days."
"We can make sure he gets there. Not like he's going to be going back to the main house for a few days. They'll start to nag."
"So we just have to make sure one of his ex's doesn't kidnap him?" Tommy asked, pointing at one. New Jersey called Xander to warn him. The kid came out to kiss her and get cuddled. "Ah, pity cuddles. He really likes those."
"I like those when Penny gives them to me too," Buckaroo quipped. They heard someone squeal in pleasure. All three guys shook their heads as they drove off. "So that's the plan?" The other two shrugged. "Okay. Someone has to get Darcy."
"New Jersey, call her?"
"Sure." He pulled out his phone. "Hey, Darcy, it's New Jersey. Actually, he is out. He's presently being distracted by a former lover. Xander called it pity cuddles but she's real loud. We were going to talk to you two in two days. Are you going to be busy?" He smiled. "Yes, about that. Thank you. There's fine. It's closer for us anyway. We'll have to get Xander up there. Thank you. See you then. Whatever's fine. We're not going to be all that dressed up. Okay, see you then. Oh, tell Dr. Banner that we could not weed all the hellmouth taint out of Xander, but we did get some of it. He's down by about a quarter of it. Xander also gave us the location of all the other hellmouths if he wants it. Thanks." He hung up and leaned back. Cop cars sped past them. He shook his head. "Heading to break up the noise?"
Tommy called home. "Who are the cops going to rescue?" He listened, nodding. "Yeah, it's the kid. Why?" He sighed, turning them around. "We can do that. Thanks, Brad." He hung up his hands-free system. "She's on three wanted lists." Buckaroo groaned but nodded. "We should see if he knows where others are." They went back there and got Xander free of the officers. Tommy strolled over, getting a few odd looks. "He's Council. They're ex's, guys. Leave him be? He's just out of the hospital in quarantine." They let Xander go, nodding at him to go. "C'mon. We're going to meet up with Darcy in two days. You two can hang out."
"I can sleep in a tree. I'm pretty good in it. Sorry we were so loud, guys."
"Her present husband turned her in, sir," one said.
Xander looked at her. "You're married? I don't touch married, Stephanie."
She pouted. "He's pathetic in bed, Xander," she complained. "It's so much better with you. We had to talk about restocking anyway. The slayers probably need more weapons."
"Yeah, they do," he agreed. "A whole lot. This last year has been one long battle with higher demons." The officers gave him an odd look. "Not like someone gives us weapons, people. We have to play kitten poker or buy from nice people like Stephanie. Do you have to arrest her?"
"Sir, she's on three different wanted lists," one said. "Sorry but yes. You can talk to her when she gets bail." He walked her off.
Tommy tugged on Xander's arm. "Go get stuff and we'll go up north."
"I need to check out."
"Xander, take my wallet," she called. "You'll need the money for a motel for the next few days and I don't want *him* to have it." She looked at Tommy then smiled. "Brenda and her girlfriend are up there too. They wanted to talk to you about restocking too." She got pushed into a car. "Let him take the money, guys. It's legit. My husband's a surgeon and a jackass. Serves him right."
"Whatever," the officer said. Xander went up to get her jacket and weapons, taking the weapons too. The money went into his pocket then he handed over her wallet.
She took a kiss and smiled. "I'm getting a divorce anyway. He's not worthy of me." She winked and the officer closed the car door, letting Tommy walk Xander off.
Xander sighed once he was in the van. "I didn't know she was married. I don't like to touch taken people."
"It's always a good plan," Buckaroo agreed. He had shifted to the front seat. "Rest. There's a motel just up the street from the compound."
"I can do that. Thanks, guys."
"Are they going to have that same sort of thing with Brenda?" Tommy asked as he drove them off.
"No, probably not. Brenda used to be an agent. Her girlfriend may still be." He considered it. "They're cute and they like to cuddle but not have sex. It's always fun." He shook his head.
"Sleep, kid," New Jersey said. He pulled out a book to read. Xander curled up on his side in the chair, going to sleep. The three shared a look in the mirror. Xander had a lot of life left in him. A whole lot of life.
***
Darcy knocked on a lab door then leaned in. "In two days I'm going to go check on Xander. The neurologist who was working on the vision stuff with him said that they weeded about a quarter of the hellmouth taint out of him and they know where they are if you'd like that information."
"Please," he agreed, not looking over.
"Have you eaten today?"
"I don't need fussed over like Jane does, Darcy. Save it for later kids."
She came in. "First, I'm not trying to. Jane's ordering in a few minutes and we wanted to know if you wanted to add something in." She stared at him when he looked over. "Secondly, if you could take care of yourself you would've showered sometime in the last week and a half since you're greasier than the asshole I dated in high school or Stark after he's sprayed down with oil. Third, don't flatter yourself, Dr. Banner. I only fuss over the ones I'm close with and you don't let anyone that close because of known psychological issues that you seem to share with half the tower." She stared at him.
"You're real brave," he said, taking off his glasses.
She smiled. "Yes, I am. Though that's been in the three different biographies about you." She walked off. "No, Jane, he doesn't want to add to our order."
"That's fine. I know he likes Thai food," Jane said. She looked at Darcy. "He try to nag back?"
"Yup. Thought I should save it for future kids." Jane snorted, shaking her head. "So, Thai?"
"Thai," she agreed, walking out with her.
"Xander apparently found a girlfriend once he got out," she said. "When I got called, they were rescuing him from her and the police were rescuing her from the loud, squealy time sex. His ones on the vacation we were around each other for squealed a lot."
"That's good to know. Why do they squeal?"
She looked at Jane, smirking. "Ask Thor to make you squeal, Jane."
"He has no problem with that but I don't squeal."
"Oh, well, that sucks. Xander said all his was oral sex." They got onto the elevator.
"Really? It's nice but there's better things."
"With the stamina he has?"
"He might wreck a woman for later lovers." They went down to the Thai place in the bottom of the tower. They ran into Pepper.
Darcy smiled at her. "Stark looks like he's lubed up to go up a robot. Banner too. They're both in grumpy moods and I'm not going to play that game with them. I was nice enough to offer to pick them up lunch while we're down here."
"I hate them in this mood," Pepper said. "Thanks for the warning." She smiled. "Have a good lunch, ladies." She got onto the elevator, going up to check on Tony. She stood in the doorway, grimacing. "Tony, you do look like you're about to be inserted into a robot's butt with all the grease on you and you stink. We have a meeting in two hours. Go clean up." She walked off. He groaned but followed orders. He knew to follow orders. She ran into Bruce in the hallway, grimacing. "I see someone else looks like they're about to be inserted into something. You should probably shower as well. There's a government representative that wants to apologize to you. He's been nagging for days to try to get near you. I've held him off but he might show up to get stubborn." She walked off, sneezing delicately. Incense plus unshowered male with sweaty problems? Gross.
Bruce huffed but went to clean up and make himself a sandwich. Tony came in to get his own food. "Did Lewis nag you?"
"No. She asked if I wanted something from their trip to the Thai place and I blew her off."
"I told her to quit trying to fuss over me, to save it for her kids. So she got mean."
"She's snarky. We like her like that."
Clint walked in. "Guys, not even I can get that nasty and stand myself," he said dryly, grabbing some fruit and walking off. "And I've been in swamps for days without showers. You'll never get a girl and keep her with that nastiness."
"I just showered!" Stark complained.
Clint looked at him. "Then you might want to invest in better shampoo and a washing machine. Natasha wouldn't come get her own snack because you both stink. I'm not polite enough to dance around it. You're gross smelling and you both need showers. I've seen less nasty teenage boys." He walked off. "Here, Tasha, apples." He tossed her two.
"Thank you." She bit into one, nodding. "Still good." The two scientists stomped off to shower and put on cleaner clothes. She gagged but kept down the apple. "Oh," she said, getting up to go read outside.
"Yeah," Clint agreed. "I heard Lewis going off on Banner too."
Pepper came off the elevator. "Darcy told me Tony looked like he was greasy enough to be inserted into a robot's butt." They smiled at her. "I agree, they looked like robot suppositories."
"Stark's version of clean clothes smelled like rancid pizza sauce," Clint warned.
She huffed, going to check on Tony. "Were you cursed?" Pepper demanded.
"No!" he shot back. "I'm getting clean!"
"Good!" She stomped off, keeping down the contents of her stomach by sheer stubbornness. "JARVIS, Stark needs someone to clean his apartment and do his laundry. I'm not touching that."
"If you bundle it up, you can drop it at a laundromat," Clint said.
"I'm not touching it," Pepper said. "Not a single greasy, stinky thing."
"I'll send up a robot to pick it up and send it out with the industrial laundry," the AI said. "That way it comes back cleaner. It may take a few times though."
"I don't care *how*," Pepper said. "Just that it gets done. That does not look good on our investors." She walked off shaking her head. "I need to hire him a nanny. Maybe he'll let her put him in diapers and take care of him again so he's better at that stuff," she muttered as she stomped.
Natasha looked at Clint, then shrugged. He shrugged back. "I'm not sure it'd be good. It might not work."
She nodded. "It could help a lot."
Steve came off the elevator and grimaced. "What's that smell?"
"The science bros," Clint said dryly. "Lewis pegged it when she said they looked like robot suppositories. Even Pepper agreed."
Steve nodded, heading outside. He left a door open, making Natasha smile. "It's been three days since they came out of the labs. Maybe he needs someone to take Pepper's old place."
"Maybe," Clint agreed.
Tony and Bruce both walked past. They got around the robots carrying things, Stark huffing. When the robots came back with the trash bags of clothes, the two spysassins ran outside to get away from the stink.
***
Pepper smiled at the laundry service coordinator for the various Stark Industries centers. "Problems?"
"The laundry service people told me to tell you that they do have a dry cleaner attached to them so the sending out of the laundry that clearly got abused in the labs was fine. To please warn them in the future in case anything needs special handling due to chemicals that may be on it, and that they'll have a nice bill ready for you when Mr. Stark picks up this things."
"Some of it was Dr. Banner's."
"His was probably the white bags instead of the black bags. They said they'd keep them separate." She smiled.
"Thank you. Did they give an estimate?"
"Eight-hundred-three plus tax probably."
"I'll make sure he has his card on him. Thank you, Melanie."
"You're welcome." She smiled and left. She ran into Mr. Stark in the hallway, nodding politely. It was clear whatever accident had been really bad if he still smelled that way.
Pepper smiled at him. "Your laundry will be just under nine hundred dollars for yours and Bruce's." She went back to working on the agreement for the meeting. He huffed but lounged in the guest chairs. When their appointment got there, for some reason her air circulation unit was stuck on the 'on' setting. It was a bit loud but she apologized and the man said it happened in larger buildings at times. Just something more for maintenance to give themselves work.
***
Bruce came out that night, staring at the others. "Where's my clothes?"
"The laundry people have them," Jane quipped. "Tony's supposed to go pick them up tomorrow with his. Pepper said so and to remind him in the morning." Stark grunted in displeasure behind his tablet. She smiled at him. "Do you feel better?"
"Not really."
"Well, maybe tomorrow it'll help some." She dug into her dinner of leftovers. Darcy came strolling out in a pretty dress and heels. "Date?" she guessed.
"Yup, I sure do," she quipped with a smile. "Have a good night, Jane. I know Thor's due back tonight."
Stark looked over. "Someone's getting lucky," he said.
She looked back at him. "Stark, unlike your bimbos I'm not easy. I don't have sex on the first date. I haven't done that since I lived in a bar in college. Thankfully, I grew out of that stage before I became a mom." She got onto the elevator and left.
Stark huffed. "Your assistant is mouthy, Jane."
"Yes she is and I appreciate that." She smirked at him. "If Darcy was the slut you just accused her of, I wouldn't want her as my intern." He slumped down but got back to whatever he was reading. She looked at Bruce again. He sighed, walking off.
Stark got up and stomped off. Jane shook her head. He was having a pouty toddler day.
***
Darcy came out of her date of drinks and maybe a movie, missing the movie part because he wanted someone more professional than she was. She slid into her jacket and flagged down a cab, getting into it. "Stark tower."
"Yes, ma'am." He drove off. He tried to avoid the sudden bright light but it wasn't any use.
Darcy woke up with a headache, a sore ankle, and somewhere that was clearly not Manhattan since there was waist high grass. She felt someone touching her arm and looked up. "Xander?"
"A portal threw you here," he said quietly.
She sat up, pushing her hair back. "I was in a cab."
"We've found the cab. The driver managed to dive back through." He helped her up, looking her over. "Wow. You look great for being kidnaped." She swatted him but smiled. "C'mon, there's a few of us here." He walked her that way. "I have to ask, because I've asked the others. Do you have any survival skills?"
"I was a girl scout for a few years but I hated all the camping stuff. I can probably help but I'm not going to be any good at it. I'm used to deserts."
"That's fine," Xander agreed. "Better than two of the slayers with us." She nodded. "No idea what happened."
"Great. Well, Jane will miss me when Thor lets her out of bed." He grinned at her. "I was on a date."
"I was having some self fun since my last ex got arrested." She laughed, swatting him on the arm. "She was." They made it back to the camp. "I found the last one they dropped. This is Darcy. She works for a geek at Stark Industries."
"Hi." She waved with a smile. "I was a girl scout for a few years but I hated camping stuff."
"We can handle that. We're wondering why we got summoned," one of the slayers complained.
Xander shrugged. "There's usually reasons unless it's some sort of convergence."
"We heard about yours," the other slayer said with a glare.
Xander shrugged. "She summoned. It was a desperate situation."
"Whatever," she said dryly. "How do we get home? I have a date tomorrow!"
Darcy looked at her. "Have we discovered if time runs faster or slower than at home?" They stared at her. "Jane thinks it happens."
"You must be the lady that works with Thor's girlfirend," the second slayer said, getting a smile and a nod.
"She's also right," Xander said. "Realms do run on different times."
"Shoot. I really liked this one, Xander."
"He'll understand unless it's been years back there." Her eyes went wide. He shrugged. "I'm guessing it could happen."
"I hope not!"
"Us too," Darcy agreed. "Jane would starve to death." She sat on a stone and looked at their small camp. "Xander, has anything shown up?"
"Just the one wind demon that wondered why we were here," the second slayer said, sitting down with a huff of air. "Can't you fix it by calling a poker debt or something, Xander?"
"Do I look like Rosenburg?" he asked. "I'm good but not mystical. I've blown most of my poker contacts to get us all weapons that we've all used for the last year."
The first slayer looked at him. "Are you all right?"
"Bit sore and tired. I'll be fine." They nodded. "I've had a lot worse and had to do worse than camp." He settled in to teach the slayers some practical life skills. They might need them some day.
***
Back on earth, JARVIS was clearing his throat. "Um, Captain?" he asked.
Steve looked up from drawing. "JARVIS, I said you could use my name," he said with a smile.
"That's not a concern at the moment. There was apparently some sort of portal that snapped on the cab that Miss Lewis was in. The driver has reappeared but not the cab or her."
"Is it still open?"
"I cannot tell."
"Get Jane up. I'll go put on clothes."
"I'm attempting to."
"I'll do it." He went to grab his jacket and shoes, putting them on as he trudged to Thor's suite. Thor was going to be mad about Darcy disappearing. He knocked until Thor glared at him. "Darcy's cab got swallowed by some sort of portal," he said quietly. "The driver made it back but not her yet."
"Where?"
"Here in town according to JARVIS."
"I'll get Jane up. We'll meet downstairs?"
"Yup. I'll get a car." He headed down to do that and pull around. Jane came rushing out pulling on a t-shirt over her sports bra. She put her boots on in the car. Thor climbed in and they drove off. Police had blocked off the area.
Jane pushed through them. "I'm Dr. Jane Foster. I study portals." Thor followed her, his clothes changing to his battle armor and cape. She looked. "Where was it?" An officer pointed so she pulled out a new piece of equipment. "It's ugly but it works well," she said at the odd looks she got. "It's a realm one. Like a hellmouth style portal only goes to one area." She let Thor see it. "Do you recognize it?"
"No. It's not a realm that's associated with Asgard."
"Okay," Jane said. She moved. "It's definitely to a single realm." Stark's car sped up and spun into parking, him getting out and hurrying over. "We have a partially closed portal, Stark." She glanced at him then looked. "Did anyone else get taken?"
"Reports from New Jersey say there was one of them there," an officer reported. "And this one sucked up two young women." Jane stared at him. "Not identified yet."
"Slayers?" she asked.
"Could be. About the right age."
"Someone call Gloria to see if they're hers," she called.
Stark called. "Slayer Gloria, Tony Stark. We have a portal that stole people uptown. Are any of yours missing?" He listened. "Both were, Jane. They were on patrol then on their way to club hunt." He listened. "Thank you, Slayer Gloria. Do we know anyone who can help? No, I'm not sure if we can get Rosenburg. Why?" He grimaced. "Noted. Thank you." He hung up. "It took Lewis, Harris, and two slayers."
Jane grimaced. "Why?"
"Darcy said someone talked to her about some magic back in her bloodline," Stark said. "Harris has that taint and hellmouth energy taint. The slayers are technically fully changed by the slayer spirit."
"So you think that let them go over?" Jane asked. "Reasonable assumption based on those narrow facts." She moved to take another reading. "It's lessening."
An agent showed up holding the handcuffs Willow was wearing. She got out of them and walked over, laying a hand on the portal. "Let me, Dr. Foster," she said quietly. "I can always find Xander or a slayer." Jane got out of the way but kept taking readings. "There they are. It's been a while. Darcy's wearing furs." She blew the portal open and stepped into the opening. "Guys, let's go."
Xander looked at her. "Who opened it?"
"No clue," she admitted.
"What day is it?" Darcy asked. "One of the slayers has a date the night after we got taken."
"Same night," Willow said, smiling at them. "C'mon. Let's go." They came out of the portal together, Xander last in case he screwed up the magic. Willow looked Darcy's outfit over. "That's cute."
"Thank you."
"How long were you over there?" Jane asked, pulling Darcy closer.
"Let's move this away from the portal," Willow said. "Before it sucks back over." They moved and it shut. Willow made sure it fully closed.
"Any idea who?" Darcy asked. "It's odd timing."
"Something higher but benign," Willow said with a shrug. "It felt like it wanted amusement." One of the slayers hit Xander on the arm, getting slapped on the back of the head for it. "Xander!"
"I don't take being hit," he reminded her. "Even from slayers."
"Fine. Cranky." She looked at Willow. "No idea why us?"
"You were closer," Willow said. "Sorry."
"No, it happens," she sighed. "Then how did it get Xander?"
"Separate portal," Stark said, looking at them.
Xander shook his head, looking up. "Damn." The portal behind them melted. "Thanks." He waved with a grin. Then he looked at the girls. "Willow, the PTB?"
"No. Benign. Harmless."
"I know what that word means," he said quietly. She huffed. He looked at the portal then at Darcy. "I think they were holding us in there until we could be of later use."
"Sounds like it," she agreed. "Though I wouldn't be breeding the later generations of warriors."
He grinned. "Especially not with me since I'm infertile."
She swatted him with a grin. "There's ways around that but I can't do it."
"Me either." He looked at the slayers.
"Why can she swat you and we can't?" that one pouted.
"You hit, she playfully swatted."
"Oh. Sorry. Don't know my own strength sometimes." She walked off. Gloria was walking over. "They wanted to keep us together so there were later warriors when all of the rest of us died."
Gloria looked at the puddle of portal then at Willow. Who shrugged. "It's probable. It's as good as any reason I can come up with."
"Sure," she agreed. "Why you two? Xander would put you out of his misery after a few days of being bouncy." Xander grinned.
One of the slayers huffed. "He's just as bouncy."
"His leads to stamina," Gloria said dryly. "You two are still growing into that." She looked at the officers. "They good?"
"We should put them in for medical checks," the officer on site said.
"We're fine. We didn't run into any other species, nothing with spores," Xander said.
"That's good but the air there could've been very different."
"We can do that at the tower," Stark said. He looked at Lewis then at Xander. "Her pretty dress for her earlier date?"
"In my pack," one of the girls quipped. "She fell in a river and had to change. I had the fuzzy blanket for her to put on."
"That's great," Stark agreed. "Let's do a fast checkup at the tower. Okay?" They all nodded, Gloria coming with them.
Steve looked at Xander. "You good?" he asked quietly.
"I really want a hamburger. All we had were veggies and I hate veggies." Steve smiled but clapped him on the back. "I couldn't catch anything meat wise outside of grub worms and the girls all demanded to put them back."
"Worms are not food, even for those weird sort that put them into suckers," one of the slayers complained.
"A fifth of the world's people eat some sort of insect daily because it's an easy source of needed protein," Xander quipped back with a grin. "If you're hungry, you eat anything."
"I'm hoping I never get that hungry. Okay?" He nodded with a grin. "Does that mean you won't send me to help on your route in Africa?"
"No, I won't. I might send you to talk to Yihana's watcher to straighten him out. A few of my minis have said some weird things about him."
The three slayers smiled at him. "Happily, Xander," Gloria said.
He hugged her. "I love your dirty mind." He kissed her on the forehead. "You're one of my favorite slayers, beyond Gweliza and her pack of evil and Amira."
"Amira is adorable. I think she's everything's favorite." She smiled at Darcy, getting a grin back. "Amira's six and a half. She's sweet, kind, likes Disney movies, wants to live up to how a princess should live. Then she'll stab you in a heartbeat if you upset her injured animals she's helping." Darcy smiled, laughing some.
"She liberated a vet's office to help the poor animals herself," Xander said. "She's got a sister who has a healing gift for animals. A local demon came to eat an injured bunny rabbit, and she stabbed it so fast it was still thinking it was alive." Darcy burst out laughing, patting him on the arm. "Seriously. Amira's a great little kid. If I ever have little kids I'd want her to be mine. Her or Mia. She's sweetly cute and sucks up any knowledge."
Gloria smiled. "I called her recently. She's gotten mouthy. She yelled at me for not being back there to help her."
"She needed it?" he demanded.
"Yihana's watcher."
"Uh-huh."
"She talked something into running him over with a tractor," Gloria said with a smile. "Yihana screamed at her but Mia just told her he was an asshat, quoting you when her mother complained, and that he wasn't a *good* watcher. They didn't need more bad ones like the ones who used to steal the girls."
"I agree. And I'll be talking with him when I get back there," Xander assured her. "I've already had one about his drinking problems."
"Damn," Darcy said.
Xander smiled. "Yup. I was escaping the nagging slayers and landed there. We had a long talk."
The three slayers hugged him. "You play big brother very well," Gloria told him. He grinned. "Let's do this scanning thingy then we can go club hunting, ladies." They nodded, chatting about clothes on the way.
"I don't think I was ever that young and carefree," Jane said quietly, smiling at Darcy.
"You were a teenager once, Jane."
"I had science even then."
Darcy shoulder nudged her. "We can go on a road trip if you want. Let you remember the wild youth you missed."
Jane grinned. "Maybe this summer. It's more fun in the summer." They got back to the tower and Stark took them up to the infirmary to have them scanned for strange germs, energy, or anything else odd.
Stark walked into the room Xander and Darcy were in. "There's some extra energy around you two."
"Yeah, there was a dream thingy and it asked us if we wanted to be even more helpful and protective. Darcy and I compared the next morning," Xander told him. "We figured it was something with the bloodline stuff." Darcy nodded.
"Maybe." He looked at them. "Magic?"
"In me? No. Hellmouth taint. Magic goes screwy around me."
Darcy shrugged. "I haven't tried to use it." She looked at Xander. "You had that dream about you walking through a war zone playing a small harp too."
"I did, yeah." He frowned. "That was really weird too. I turned down the chance to be that avatar."
Stark shook his head. "Huh?"
"Temple to a certain goddess, Stark. A few offered me avatar positions." He shifted on the bed. "I turned them down. It might've made things easier but then I would've been the enemy."
Stark nodded. "Do others get into what you do?"
"Not really." Darcy shook her head. "Even when we both walked over the same spot, I'm the one that fell into that cursed buried treasure." He grinned.
"I heard." Stark looked the readings over. "Is it possible it made you one against your will?"
"If the musical one did, they're going to be really disappointed since I'm not musical at all. Or rhythmic. I got told white man shouldn't try to dance a few times around fires."
"Why is it that Bruce went some of the same places and didn't have that sort of story?"
"Because he doesn't let people get too close to him," Xander said bluntly. "I need to be closer to my mini's families to help protect them while I train them." He shifted again, pulling his legs up to lean on. "I've seen him at a native clinic. He was real formal with everyone. My minis know my name, my phone number, can identify me across a crowded marketplace, they asked when my birthday was. One asked me what my stuffed animal used to be."
"I get that," Stark agreed. "It's safer."
"Sometimes you gotta let people in. It's safer if you let the right ones in because they help you guard yourself. It took a long time for me to learn that lesson once I lost it the first time."
Darcy rubbed his arm. "At least it can be relearned." He grinned at her and nodded.
"Why don't you two date?" Stark sighed.
"Because only dangerous ones like him and I'm dangerous but not that deadly," Darcy quipped. "Natasha could be."
"Too serious," Xander said. "Barton's supposed to be real nice. He's the sort of fun loving that I'd like."
She looked at him. "You're bi?" He nodded. "That's cool." Xander grinned.
"More options," Stark agreed.
"I go on personality, not how they have sex," Xander said. "I can always find something fun if I want to." He smiled. "I'm creative that way."
"And you make them get really loud," Darcy said.
"Yeah, oral sex is fun that way."
Stark walked off shaking his head. Darcy and Xander shared a smirk then left. "Escort me home so I can give her the blanket back?"
"Yeah, I can do that." He walked her to her apartment then disappeared before the slayers could pounce. He had bad girls he hadn't met yet. New York was a prime city for them to be in.
Darcy walked the blanket down there. "I can wash it if you want me to."
"Nah. I'm not going to have sex tonight. That's the only reason I brought it. Alleys are nasty," she said, tucking it into her pack. "Thanks for the advice, Darcy."
"Not a problem. You call if you want more. I could use a sister or six." The girls hugged her and left with Gloria herding them. Darcy went to check on Jane, who pulled her closer to look her over. "I'm okay."
"Stark said you had extra energy."
"Someone tried to make me magical."
"Oh. Okay." She hugged her. "Go eat."
"I'm okay."
"Still, go eat."
"I'm fine, Jane. Really." She got walked upstairs. They made dinner for each other and settled in to watch some tv.
***
Xander looked up from his contemplating his feet in the park in New Jersey. Tommy stared at him. "That's why I asked to see you. What did they wake up?"
"I can't tell without a few things." He moved closer. "I can sense something."
"If it's musical stuff, I'm horrible at it all. I'm not even rhythmic. Then I had the dream about playing the harp looking thing as I walked through the battlefield. That was after the dream Darcy and I had about doing spells and stuff."
Tommy grimaced. "We can search for it. Do you think it woke something up?"
"I'm not sure I didn't get volunteered to become an avatar."
"We can look. C'mon." Xander got up and went with him. "You could've come over."
"Dude, I barely know you. I'm not going to invade your house."
"Fine." He drove Xander back to the compound, leading him into the practice space and through. Buckaroo stared at them, following without taking off his guitar. Tommy grinned. "Whoever took them woke up something or volunteered him and Darcy for something."
"We can look." He went to put up his guitar and came back to do the power searching. Yup, definitely there. "Wrong power, but nice enough."
Xander looked at one then at him. "I'm not musical."
"You can learn."
"I have no rhythm, I'm tone deaf, and even the guys dancing around the fires told me to quit embarrassing all white guys. I told her that."
"She decided she liked you anyway." Xander grimaced. "Let's look at a few others." He did the searching a different way, finding older ones. "Found the chaos god taint."
"Is it from Janus? One of his high priests worked around me in high school and I'm the only one that kept memories from that Halloween spell."
Tommy looked at him. "What spell?"
"We turned into our costumes. My group got forced to go with the kiddies in costume."
"Not exactly that but older than that. Are they fighting over you?"
"Would that explain the whole falling into cursed treasure thing?" Xander asked.
"Yeah," Tommy agreed. "The boss does it too." Xander nodded, sitting down to stare at them. "Well, it means we don't have as much work?"
"We can still wake up ours. It might make the slayers nervous."
"I figure it will." He shrugged. "It didn't with the ones with us when we got sucked into that portal."
"Figures," he said. "It might've desensitized the slayer spirit to all this." He tested again. "Interesting."
Xander looked up then at him. "How interesting?"
"They're playing 'he's mine' with you."
"I require nice dating before I give out," Xander said dryly. "Anyone playing that with me had better be cuddly at the very least." Tommy walked off laughing. "They should be."
"It might be good for you." Buckaroo shook his head. "Go rest out back. We need to finish practice and then we'll figure out how to do things."
"I can hike back to the motel. It's only two blocks."
"With your luck, you'd be taken by aliens on the way."
"No, they're after Dawn. I really have to stop that." He stood up, walking off with a sigh. "Let me go back to the motel and call Dawn to talk to her about that blue guy who keeps trying to talk her into going with him." He got knocked out and came to out back. "Okay, or not," he decided. He sat up, looking around. There was Dawn. There was Darcy. They were talking about men. He sighed, looking at Dawn. "How can I help send off the blue guy?"
"He might not ever go."
"How did he figure it out?"
"Scanned he said."
"Great."
"I'm going to ask Warrior Lord Kreth to help me with him. They'll listen to an Asgardian where they won't listen to me or you."
"I can shoot him."
"I have shot him. He laughed," Dawn said. "Called me spunky."
"I can fire something bigger," Xander offered.
Darcy giggled. "You're so overprotective, Xander."
"Yes I am." He moved closer to them. "So now what?"
"We're waiting," Dawn said. She grinned. "We have a problem," she said quietly. "One of them is back here."
He winced. "Which?"
"Staff and cube both."
Xander nodded. "Have we told anyone?"
"How do I explain that without outing myself?"
"You say that your artifact tainting will explode if it comes near you. And by near you mean on the same continent."
"I guess."
"I'll ask Thor," Darcy assured them. "I don't know why."
Dawn winced, glancing at Xander. Who shrugged. She looked at her. "At one point in time I was in contact with an artifact of really high power. One that makes the cosmic cube look like its baby." Darcy shuddered. "It changed me and gave me the magic I'll never be able to use. It basically remade my body with magic."
"So that one comes near her and it'll think you're the mommy," Darcy said. Dawn nodded quickly. "I can call Thor. If I had my phone."
One of the guards leaned out of the house. "Give it an hour, guys." He closed the door to give them privacy again.
The trio shrugged at each other and settled in to catch up and chat. It was a pretty afternoon, even for November. It was great until Dawn seemed to fade out. She looked like she was fighting it but it wasn't going to work. She huffed as she appeared in the room with the cube. "Not cute," she told it. "Quit doing that. You're putting us both in danger." The vault door opened. "Sorry, it pulled me here because I've got extra special magic." The guard pointed a gun at her. "Try it, dude, and watch the world go to hell when I sneeze."
"You're not Rosenburg," he sneered. "C'mon. Don't even think about touching it."
"If I touch it, this whole area will be a crater." She felt the other one floating closer, looking at it before getting out of the way. "Babies," she sighed, petting them both. The guy with the gun screamed as he atomized. So did the buildings around them. "Hmm." She looked at them. "We need you two somewhere safer, babies. Let's go talk to someone." She took them with her, landing in a semi-familiar house in upper England. "Is Warrior Lord Kreth here?" she asked the child. "Please?"
"Sure, Dawn." She ran off. "Granddad! Dawn's here and she's got glowy things!"
He came out, staring at her, knife in one hand. "Dawn."
"Lord Warrior Kreth," she said in all speak, nodding back. "They summoned me to help them get free. They need to be far, *far* away from me," she said quietly. "Them plus me equals explosion. We don't want that as long as the guys I just blew up are gone." She stepped away from them. The staff tried to follow. She petted it with a finger. "You need to be protected, baby. Not with me. It's dangerous to be with me. We'll make more bad guys go boom and then Xander won't ever be able to date." The staff huffed and floated closer. She petted it, earning a hum of pleasure. She looked at Kreth, who was staring. "It's a bad thing," she said quietly. "Please?"
"I can call Lord Thor," he said. Thor appeared, blinking hard. Handy how sentient the cube was around Dawn. "Lord Thor, she came to me to get these two artifacts to safety."
"As in safely away from me, Thor. It'll cause a lot of problems. The least of which is outing me." She looked at him. "Whoever had them in a vault probably isn't liking the hole they became because they pointed a gun at me and I had to leave with the babies."
Thor cleared his throat. "I thought the cube on Asgard and the staff locked within SHIELD."
"Apparently not and probably with HYDRA," Dawn quipped.
Thor nodded. "That could be a problem."
"They need to belong. They're lonely, Thor."
"I can ask my mother," he offered. She smiled and nodded. "Let me call." He walked outside to call on Heimdall. He showed up after a minute of yelling for him. He told him why and his mother came to meet the young woman. "Mother, may I present Dawn Summers. You've only causally met before."
Dawn smiled at her and waved. "Hi. They were in a vault and summoned me. They're lonely. My babies are very lonely."
"I can safely have them taken, Dawn." She moved closer. "My son's staff can be adopted by someone so it is not lonely and the cube can have a chosen guardian who will talk to it and take care of it." Dawn smiled, relaxing. "May I?"
"Please. I know it's dangerous. If only because it'll out who I am."
She nodded, smiling. "That could be bad, yes." She took the staff first, wincing at it. "He was full of rage when he made this."
"Thanos put that together," Dawn said. "He's always angry."
"True." She petted it as Dawn did and it accepted her. The cube was tougher but a warrior that was training with Kreth showed up to ask for the duty. She accepted. He took the cube from Dawn, petting and cooing at it like it was a pretty blue puppy. Dawn relaxed, nearly going limp. "We will protect these two important children, Dawn," Freya assured her.
"It's bad enough a Kree found me," Dawn said quietly.
"Yes, it is. You can't tell them no?"
"I can't get them to accept the no. I've even shot him."
Lady Freya nodded. "Perhaps one should help you."
"I was going to ask Warrior Lord Kreth if I could borrow him to act like a mad brother."
Kreth smiled at her. "That may not even work with how stubborn they are."
"I can talk to them," Thor promised. "Where were you when they brought you to save them, Dawn?"
"With Darcy and Xander in New Jersey."
"Ah that." She nodded. "Why you?"
"Because I'm like Xander's sister. Not always in the best way however."
"Sometimes your family saves your sanity and sometimes they're the reason you lose it," Kreth said. "My Lady Freya, I would happily help as it would help my grandchildren, one of which is a slayer."
"She's so adorable. She was on the bulletin board the other day begging Andrew to teach her how to make proper cookies," Dawn said with a smile for him.
"She is that, yes. Also hyper and fussy."
"Fussy is a great thing. I'm fussy. I'm the only one allowed to fuss over Xander." Freya smiled. "Please find my other babies?"
"Gladly, Dawn. Be safe, child. Thor, I'll take them and the warrior with us." He nodded, escorting them back out there. She looked him over. "Those look nice on you, son. Very cute. Jane must appreciate those pants on you." She kissed him on the cheek and they disappeared back to Asgard.
Dawn thanked the senior warrior and came out. "I've got a lot of excess energy, Thor. Let's get you back home." They blinked and were there. She smiled. "Thank thee."
"You're welcome, Dawn. Go rest and be well."
"Why is she here?" Stark called from his seat.
"Some dorks in armor had mystical artifacts that were really powerful so they summoned me to help them get free. We sent them with Lady Freya." She disappeared again.
"She was tainted and remade by an artifact," Thor said. He knew that was Dawn's cover story. "Her presence let the artifacts channel energy so that the vault they were held in was destroyed."
Stark turned to look at him better. "What dorks in armor?"
"She did not show me a picture, Man of Iron." He gave him a look. "But one was my brother's scepter." He sat down again.
"So HYDRA?"
"Perhaps. I know she said it was a steaming wreck." He smiled. "My mother has safely taken the scepter back to Asgard. It will have a guardian who likes to talk to it."
"Uh-huh," Stark said. "So which artifact got her?"
"I know not. She did not share that with me and they will not tell anyone. That is one thing the slayer Kennedy got in trouble for."
"Okay then. I hate secrets."
"Except your own?" Thor asked.
"Yep." He stood up, looking at him. "Anything else we should know?"
"The alien that landed during that battle is known as a Kree. They're quite stubborn and trying to get Dawn to go with him due to that artifact's taint."
Tony Stark walked off rubbing his head. He hated mystical things. It always screwed with his science.
***
Dawn reappeared, shaking her head at Xander's worried look. "They were in a vault and lonely. Lady Freya has them."
"Good," Xander agreed.
"She'll find the others that might want to adopt me." She settled on the ground with them again. "I have no idea, Xander. You know that."
"I do." He patted her on the arm. "It'll be okay."
"Good."
"We need to give Andrew ideas."
"I found two books on being an evil genius," she said with a smile. "Both comedies but I also found the 'government's guide to being a superhero' and another like it. We can give them to him for his birthday, pointing out he needs to know the other side to teach the slayers plus to counter the rest of them."
Xander smiled. "I like that. I'm having an armor cuff made for him."
"Awww." They shared a smirk and included Darcy again. She'd probably like Andrew when they met.
***
Stark stomped out that night, staring at Thor. "Somehow the cube destroyed a good county's worth of space and only took out HYDRA agents since no one else is reported missing. Even the cows in one farm are all okay."
"It's nice of the cube to take that worry from Dawn's mind," Thor said. "Since it channeled through Dawn it's good she was concerned about such things."
"There's no way that cube, that very powerful cube, channeled through a young woman. Even one with magic from another artifact."
Thor looked up at him. "I will allow this one query of me, Stark, but I will tell you that if you find what you want to know, your life will automatically be in much more danger and so will hers." Stark's eyes went wide. Thor stared back. "Any who know will be hunted to find out certain things. Are you prepared to be her knight in shining armor?"
"Is that why they come for Harris?"
"No. He made himself a warrior and they come for him for what he's done. The same as they come for you for that. Or Steve."
"Oh." He grimaced. "What sort of artifact could channel the cube?"
"Not all artifacts are powerful. Sometimes it's their uses that gets them that sort of helpful reputation."
"So it could merge with it?" Thor nodded. "How does that work?"
"It's like meeting someone that could be a cousin and being of the same blood type."
"Oh." He walked off shaking his head. "Then I don't need to know." Sometimes wondering was the wrong thing to do apparently. He didn't want to end up guarding the young, mouthy one like Loki had. Though it brought up bad thoughts about the 'magic' in Darcy's bloodline that they wanted to activate. Could Darcy summon that cube if she got magic?
***
The trio finished the seeing spell on Darcy and Xander. "It was already active," Buckaroo told them.
"The dream in that small realm?" she asked.
"It is that recent," Tommy agreed, looking at Xander. "Now what?"
"Now I go back to training the minis after I finish healing. I train a few new ones to take over for me. I figure out where I want to set up to train if I make it that long."
"That makes sense. Somehow the prohibition from hunting isn't working on you," Buckaroo said.
Xander shrugged. "Okay. That's probably a good thing in case I get attacked again."
"You should hope not," Tommy said.
"I always hope so but you know how that goes." They all nodded, two of them scowling at Buckaroo. Darcy was giggling. "He gets into the same sort of trouble I used to."
"Used to?" Tommy snorted. "Really?" Buckaroo rolled his eyes as he walked off. He grinned at the kids. "It'll be okay. Just let it all come as it does. Don't try to force things unless you're having an emergency," he told Xander. Who nodded. "We can go over the usual exercises to help you focus." Darcy lit up her hand with a light. Xander handed her a made candy lump. "You shouldn't be able to do that yet."
"Then again, I've watched a witch training and screwing up," Xander said.
"I've heard people using her name as a epitaph," Darcy said quietly.
"So have I. Including warning some of them not to turn into her or do something like she would. I heard a news person used it against a young witch who protected herself and her family from some bigotted asses too and made nasty comments back."
She patted him on the arm. "People like that will eventually learn."
"We hope. Or die off." She nodded. "Hopefully without breeding."
"How's Dawn doing with the healer stuff?" Buckaroo asked.
"She got sneered at by two of the healers at one of the demon clinics but another one grabbed her hand and pulled her to help her. So she's working with her and still learning potions. The local demons are confused by her doing that but they said it's very nice of her."
"It is," New Jersey agreed. "I'd do that if I could."
Xander grinned. "My gifts don't lend toward healing."
"Do mine?" Darcy asked. They shook their heads. "That might suck with what goes on around the tower."
"You can possibly learn but it might not be very strong," New Jersey said.
"Okay. I'll look at that stuff."
"I can suggest books," Xander told her, getting another pat. "Now what and is there any sort of obligation?"
"No," Buckaroo said, smiling at him. "Just be yourself and try to stay out of trouble. Don't use it on others if you can help it so you don't draw attention to yourself." They both nodded. "You two go have fun." They got up and went to dinner. Darcy had been hungry and there were plenty of diversions around these days. He looked at his cohorts, who shrugged. "They'll handle it."
"Of course they will. They'll stubborn it into submission," Tommy said. "The same as we did." They went inside to eat and plot out the next tour. If the duo and Dawn got into problems, they'd help them handle it. Though, Xander really needed to retire sooner before his brain was permanently damaged.
Now all they had to do was wake up the Powers That Were so they could take back over. Even Xander would appreciate that idea with how bad the Powers That Be are.
The End.
Chapter notes:
The last part of this was a bit too long for a part so it was broken up.