In Chicago, all three Xanders grabbed their heads as the vision hit over dinner, moaning as Alex fell onto the floor, his twin Xander clutching the table, and the younger GHS Xander looking up starting to swear at higher ups. "Do we really need the brain ripping pain with them!" he demanded finally. The others around were quiet. He gulped some water. "Sorry, vision," he said, squeezing his eyes shut. He called Clint by feel, he was his second speed dial; Frodo was still his first. "Clint, me. We all three just had a vision and I'm guessing theirs were like mine. HYDRA wants to make a GHS creating bomb."
He squinted, smiling at the kid that got him more ice water. "Thank you, sweetheart. That's very kind." He listened. "Yeah, that stuff. Well, gee, it takes guys like me and turns them into lap purr kitties, Clint. Why would they want to do that to various governments or groups they didn't agree with?" he said dryly. "Exactly. Someone in DC. Oh, that someone in DC also apparently got a report on me healing during the battle. Yeah, that stuff. Thanks."
Alex took the phone. "The geek in question wasn't SHIELD, he's FBI," he said in a growl. "Yes, one of them. I have no idea what his name was but if I find him, he's a goner. No, the kids are here with us. Yeah, that's what they're doing." Younger Xander was helping the other Xander out to a couch to lay down. "Dude, the three of us just fell down with a brain ripping vision about this. I'm pretty sure that's something for hero studs like you to deal with instead of letting us do it in our own special, fun way," he said sarcastically. "I don't have their number. We have yours. Exactly. Have fun with that. Kick them in the balls a few times for me." He hung up and gulped the ice water, leaning back in his seat. "They need to hurt less. I'd listen to them if they hurt less," he called, looking up.
Cordelia faded into view, shaking her head. "Not our doing. You're not our seers, Alex."
He grinned. "Is the other Xander one?"
"No and that's freakiness they're really pissed off about. Apparently the Gaia from that realm pissed off all the Powers That Be in all three realms by solving that."
Younger Xander came in to stare at her. "Is that because she's aligned with their God Protector of Humanity?" he asked dryly. "And his spouse Phil, God of Heroes?"
Cordelia stared at him. "You don't know me, do you, kid?" she asked with a mean smirk.
"I've heard plenty about you from the ones that used to date the you in their world. That's one reason why we hold yearly conventions, bragging and sharing about former and present dates." He grinned. "I met a few nice arms dealers thanks to that."
She rolled her eyes. "Great." She looked at Alex. "I'll point out the pain just kills you guys but you know the Powers hate you two."
"As opposed to me breaking their little crystalline bodies and realm?" younger Xander quipped with a mean grin. He summoned something, holding it up. "Booknerd us, Dumass, found it in a tomb in the Middle East."
She stared at it. "What does it do?"
"It's holding something that'll eat the Powers That Be's whole realm," he said with a grin. "He thought I might need it the most out of all of us."
She blinked a few times. "Go put that in a safe? I'd hate to be unemployed and just floating around being bored." He grinned bouncing it in his hand a few times. "I'll go pass on that message." She faded out.
Alex reached over to snatch the little ball. "Is it still full?"
"It was when we changed over," he said. "If not, blame Loki and Gaia. Then again, would that mean the Devon coven in my world would quit getting bad ideas about me being their big, strong protector sort?"
"Maybe," Alex said, taking it to put into a safe. That was a bit too mean for the vision headache.
Xander sat down, getting more ice water. "Sorry, the Powers That Be were rude to interrupt dinner." The kids relaxed, smiling at him again so they could finish dinner.
***
Clint waved at Stark. "C'mere." He called Steve's phone, getting a rougher sounding Steve Rogers. "It's me and Stark. Our Xander and the ones locally just had a vision. HYDRA is *very* interested in the GHS stuff, Cap. They're planning on using it to destabilize people they don't like. As our Xander put, it takes guys like us and turns them into purring lap kittens." He listened. "Exactly. He also said that an FBI agent who is HYDRA reported about the battle in Seattle, including how our Xander healed some during it." He heard them discussing it with Nick Fury, apparently theirs because he understood what Clint wasn't saying. "SHIELD does have information on GHS stuff thanks to protecting our Xander. There might be enough to engineer some sort of turning on gas or something."
Loki appeared, looking smug. "Yes, in the Miami version of the young, chaos sort a higher up who wanted to pretend to be a Caesar did create a shot to turn such problems on," he said happily. "But he was looking to make his own as he didn't like males. He wanted to make a version of that Xander for himself, only more pleasing in body format."
"Hear that?" Clint asked. "Yeah, that is ours. Still got the lines to him. I can see them. Yup, but think about it this way, Cap. What if they dose you with it? That would certainly change your life, right?" He grinned at Stark, who had just shuddered. "That's one way to take over a good portion of humanity because they'd probably want to control the ones they infected. Which would bring back slavery but they'd call it protecting.....yeah, that stuff," he said with a smirk for Stark.
"Exactly! So.... Have fun. Need my help? I can get hold of Natasha. She's with Coulson. Good luck." He called Natasha. "All three Xanders had a vision of HYDRA making something to turn people they wanted to control into GHS members." He heard the silence. "Yeah, for real, Natasha." She said something quietly. "Both Steves are in DC. Also, one of theirs in the FBI noticed how our Xander healed during that small battle in Seattle. Have fun with that." He hung up on her muttering something in Russian. He looked at Stark. "Find. An. Antidote. Today?"
"Yeah, if I can. I need to figure out how they'd do that." He glared at Loki. "Can you get me the research notes on that shot or whatever?" Loki held up the DVD. "Thanks. Hopefully they won't try to release it on Asgard."
Loki burst out in warm, happy chuckles. "I'd almost beg to see that happen." He disappeared. His errand of chaos and spreading happy news was done with for now. Until they got the first few test subjects.
Clint looked at Stark. "We need to start making rescue plans."
"Or find a way to set up a suitable brothel like environment so they can wear it out," Alison Blake said. "Let's work on an antidote. Maybe it can help your Xander too." She took the DVD, walking off calling for a few chemists to meet them in a certain lab. Stark was following. "This is absolutely secret, people. HYDRA wants to make something like this to destabilize countries. Unless you want to end up a sex slave begging for more mistreatment, we need to find a way to neutralize this and possibly cure it if anyone's exposed." They nodded, coming in to look it over. One hung back, grimacing. "I called for you specifically. In the natural sufferers, it's a high hormone and pheromone problem."
"I've seen. Why would they like that?"
"Because if they can turn guys who are warrior enough to destroy realms protecting themselves into purring sex slaves, then they can take out presidents, generals, all that," Stark said.
She nodded. "Sexual gratification is a damnable human condition that makes everyone suffer. If I could, I'd make sure no human had such nasty needs or desires." She came over to look at it. "That ...would definitely throw your body out of whack."
Stark pulled up information he had on Xander that others, including SHIELD, didn't have. "This is the one we know of in our realm. We've only got a few. There's a realm that helped him learn how to deal with it that has about three thousand sufferers at various levels."
She read it over, including the information packet, grimacing but nodding. "That definitely needs to be stopped for those poor people." She got to work with the original information and a copy of the notes from the DVD. It would help make her dream of asexual reproduction come to life. Alison Blake smiled at her and walked Stark off with Clint following. Maybe they'd be able to stop this bad plan in the making.
***
In New York, Natasha carefully put her phone down, looking at her counterpart and handler. "HYDRA got told about GHS," she said quietly. Her counterpart had been told about them when she had snooped into the room of hands that helped Xander wear himself out. "They are looking into it as a weapon."
The other Natasha stared at her. "Excuse me?" she demanded. The non-native Natasha nodded. "Interesting plan. How do we know?"
"All three Xanders had the vision. Loki, ours, also said that another GHS Xander's world had a shot to produce such results. Clint's getting information on it."
Coulson cleared his throat. "Tell Captain Rogers."
"I shall," she said, making that call. "It's myself and Coulson." She listened. "He did call me, yes. Where are we starting? Before they decide I'm useful in other manners?" she asked dryly. She nodded once, checking her present amount of weapons. "Give me an hour to grab a few things from Xander's basement and I'll be right there with this realm's me." She nodded, standing up. "I'll see you in about an hour." She hung up and led the way downstairs to gather weapons. Her other self followed. They came up, staring at Coulson. Who smirked at her. "Will you be safe by yourself?"
"Of course and if I have to I'm not alone. There's a portal to goblin warriors, a dragon, and all the nymphs." Both of them smirked at him before leaving. SHIELD's building wasn't too far away and they could fly a quin jet down.
***
Alex sent a message through the letterbox that connected all the Xanders about that vision. A few sent suggestions back, which got sent to Stark. One of them suggested letting various groups being used as a test subject before they ended it. It would certainly screw up a terrorist organization if they were suddenly confused, needy, gay sex wanting men. Alex shared that with the others and the local people. Ray Vecchio groaned but said it was a bad idea that had merit. Reddington asked why they were even discussing that. Alex sent him a copy of the vision they had suffered through. The Xander convention system was being very helpful with ideas today. Time traveling Xander had ideas about a few herbs that might take down the needs a bit easier than the present herb mix.
***
In Washington, DC a well known 'broker' looked at the vision again then went to a contact's handler. He wasn't really wanted anywhere near anyone in Homeland Security but he could break the truce the FBI had with them for this. He even brought someone with him. "Agent Ressler," he said as he opened the car door and got out, staring at him. "Get in please. We have a problem coming. We have to go talk to other agents."
Donald Ressler glared at his 'asset'. "What, no Lizzie?" he asked sarcastically.
"It's going to take military minds this time, Ressler. The twins and the other Xander had a vision. Unless you'd like to end up like that other Xander?" Ressler came over to get into the car. Reddington got back in, letting him have the copy of the vision.
"Oh, damn," Ressler muttered as he read.
"Exactly. Which is why we need to go see a certain Homeland agent."
"Barrings' on sick leave for a few days. Got a graze on his ankle that required stitches."
"We can go to his house," Reddington said, rubbing his forehead. His phone beeped with a message from the twins. "Oh, someone in another realm that's not related to all this realm merge has one." Ressler shuddered. "Stark's working on it out in Eureka."
"Great!" Ressler snarled. "Why would they do that?"
"Think about it hitting someone like the president," Raymond Reddington said, looking at him. Ressler sighed, shaking his head. "Though Alex did say that someone suggested we let them test it on a few irritating walking-penis population groups as he calls some terrorist groups."
"I can't see someone like the one in the Middle East being happy with that," Ressler said, smirking at him. "But I might pay money to see it."
"Me too. Even at Pay-Per-View rates."
***
Younger Xander looked at the twins while they were tinkering in the lab, petting his poor bored dog Frodo. "How do the HYDRA guys identify each other? Is it like a tattoo or something?"
Alex shrugged. "That might make them vulnerable to others finding out they're HYDRA too soon."
"But then just anyone can walk up and go 'hail, HYDRA' and be admitted as one," twin Xander agreed. "That is a problem. Even if it's by referral only how do the people you haven't met know you're HYDRA?"
Alex considered it. "That is a serious security flaw. You can't have anything identifying you as HYDRA but without some form of identification code they might get infiltrated." He thought then shrugged. "Code words?"
"Like fence codes? Not that hard to find out," younger Xander said. The twins nodded. Frodo barked and put up a video of two local officers talking about their gate codes to the local HYDRA base. "Well. Where did you see that, Frodo?" He showed his whole path to get there. He had been out to fetch his human a candy bar from a good place. He looked at the twins.
"We have to warn first," Alex said. "But we can warn people we trust." He called someone. "Kowalski, Alex Harris. Frodo caught video of someone doing something stupid. We're warning you before we show up there to handle the issue." He listened to the choking and complaining. "Yup, tonight. Thanks." He hung up. "Give him twenty minutes, Frodo. That's a very good boy." Frodo barked, letting that version of his human pet him too. They did pet very nicely. Alex was even wearing a computer glove so he could feel the brush of power over his exoskeleton.
Kowalski stomped down the stairs a bit later with someone behind him. GHS Xander stared at the new guy. "We don't know you and one of the guys we saw was an officer," he said bluntly. The guy grimaced. "Like majorly bad thing."
"I'm a SWAT commander, Mr. Harris."
He texted the twins, who came down. Frodo showed the whole video, including those two officers. Kowalski frowned. "They're the bad guys that're being fought in DC, right?"
"They're the bad guys infecting every single agency," Xander said. "To the point of wanting to take over the world." He pulled up the information file Clint had sent him at his request. "This is on them." They looked and Kowalski nodded once. "So....prototypes? Being our badass selves? Having a poker debt mysteriously go and start eating them?"
"That's probably going to be too nasty even for those sort," the SWAT team commander complained. "I'd hate to have to clean that up."
"Some of them will eat the whole body," Alex offered with a grin. "I've used them as a threat to a shitbag ex-boyfriend of one of the slayers. Then she introduced them to one."
"Let's work on arresting them," Kowalski ordered. "That way they can pay for their bad decisions." The twins nodded. "Will someone federal take them?"
"If so, there's a great chance it's one of their kind," Xander said. Younger Xander was frowning around. "What?"
"Scrying," he said. He blocked it off. "Not the same feeling as the compulsion on Andrew to just cook."
"'Drew!" Alex called. "Who's scrying?"
"Willow," he called.
"They didn't do that compulsion," younger Xander called.
"Thanks for the warning. Yeah, I'll talk to Willow." He called her. "They're handling a problem that's human in nature but it will get you and the girls killed," he said bluntly. "Scry toward DC, Willow, looking for helicarriers." He hung up, letting her do that. She texted a shriek a few minutes later so he suggested she summon the comic book next to him. She did and went off on a muttering rant about stupid shit. He pointed out they were the stupid shit and they were going to hurt her, them, and the slayers. She said she'd work up protections and he could do the twins. They were more vulnerable. Who knows how many of their ex's would sell them out since they were already bad guys. Andrew brought his phone down to show Alex, who sent back his own message with a list of them. She sent back a 'thank you for that list' and left it there.
Alex stared at the last message. "You're hacked, Andrew."
"I figured we were," he quipped, then he sent an activation code to something. "Pity about me inheriting things from Warren." He walked off looking happy. Younger Xander bounced after him to hug him then went back to the talk. Andrew grinned. That younger Xander was a lot happier than the twins he knew.
***
In DC, an urgent message rang on Ressler's phone. "Sorry, urgent from Cooper." He answered. "Yes, sir?" He listened. "Why did Andrew.... The same people were going after them, weren't they? Or they think they are?" He nodded, looking at Reddington.
"If I was HYDRA I'd be worried about the Council and Andrew too," he agreed. "But the last I knew the hacker in Andrew's things was someone who likes him."
Ressler repeated that. "Thank you, sir. If you talk to him I'm sure he'd be happy but we do know that some agents are compromised by that overall plan. Like maybe a tenth of the agency, Cooper. Exactly. Thanks." He hung up. "He'll talk to Andrew."
"I'm sure Andrew's reasonable in most circumstances," Reddington said. Something outside blew up and they all saw a shiny object go flying past. "I believe we have heros in town, Agent Ressler."
He went to look outside. "Guys, this house belongs to a Homeland agent that works with the Council's people. Do you need our help?" he demanded.
"Just stay inside," one of the guys said. "I'm not sure they're not here for him."
"Or for Reddington," he said. "Thanks. We'll go out the other exit." He closed the exit, looking at the two heading for the back door. Ressler followed, making sure the doors were all locked. They left, going back to the Post Office covert center Ressler worked out of. They knew their coworkers weren't dirty to that sort.
Though one came at Reddington and got shot for it. Dembe got in to drive them. It was best they were out of the way in a protected spot.
***
In Chicago, Alex looked at the text message. "HYDRA went after Reddington," he said. "Wow are they dumbasses."
"He's got a lot of information," younger Xander said.
"Good point but he's not exactly the sort to worry about who's buying it in most cases." The twins shared a look then at Kowalski.
"Subtle," he warned.
"Not a chance," younger Xander said with a grin. "I'm only twenty. I haven't learned that yet." He blinked his big eyes at him. "We can be mean, right, guys?"
"Yes we can," twin Xander said smugly, looking at his more evil half. Alex just grinned back. "Blowing debts? There's three ex's in town."
Alex considered it then nodded. "Two might be involved but I'm doubting one would since he hates racists." He called him. "It's Alex. There's idiots with ideas of purity coming for us. Would you like warning time to clear our?" He listened. "Yeah, them. Really? No, I can't support them and you're the last person I would've suspected. Well, yeah, but there's things they don't count on. Like there's presently three Xanders in this realm. Plus some extra superheroes. Thanks, man. You have a happy life and just....clear out and watch, okay?" He hung up and texted half the others in his address book at once, including Clint's number. That one got back a 'fuck' but otherwise the rest winced and said they were staying out of the way but would guard any slayers for them. "Got it." He sent a message to Buffy then looked at his twin. "Plan 2?"
"Plan C," he countered.
"Too many to alpha dog," younger Xander said. "We have to be the bitch they didn't think we could be."
The twins shared a look and nodded. "Yes, we can. Go change, mini us." He giggled as he walked off to change. Alex smirked at the two officers, who both backed away slowly. "You can follow us."
"Yes, we will be," Kowalski said. "Don't take Diefenbaker this time either. We can't involve Canada. The Dragon Lady will pop a vein."
"Not a problem." They went up to change into stuff from their hunting clothes. Alex was in jeans that were well past the level of sinful but were comfy enough to be able to kick ass in. Xander was in slightly less tight jeans but he looked fantastic in his t-shirt. Younger Xander was now in a leather pants and vest outfit that made him look like a young sex god who just happened to carry a sword. They left together, leaving everyone else there.
Pity for the bad guys. They had done fucked up.
***
"Boy," an older man at a bar the boys paused at said, staring at the younger Xander. "Are you gay?"
"Some of us are just fantastic enough that we need the leather," he said with a smirk. "It's a sign."
"Uh-huh. So very gay." He looked inside then at the twins. "They won't want to talk to him."
"That's funny, a few of them in there were probably there when I had to hormone bomb a club the other day to get free of unwanted attention," younger Xander said dryly. The man stood up, mouth open. Xander smiled. "I didn't want them at that time. Now, we're warning there's bad guys in town. May we, sir?"
"Um... let me get someone." He went inside to hiss in the bartender's ear. He sent out the higher up in the bar, who sighed when he saw him. "Them, sir."
"Twins," he said, nodding at them. He looked at the other one. "You're clearly related."
"Our realms are merged for two months," he quipped with a grin. "There's super bad guys in town. We wanted to make sure you guys weren't going to get hurt by them too."
"What sort of super bad guys?" the higher up asked. This was worrying. The twins didn't warn people like them. They looked deadly. The younger Harris looked deadly but cute in his leather. Alex handed over information. He read it, staring at them. "Oh, no."
"Oh, yeah," Alex said with a nod and a grin. "So we're warning. We found a few cops involved."
"Oh, fuck us," he said, going inside. "Follow, boys." They followed him, the guard going back to his seat.
"Hey, no leather gay sluts in here," one complained. Then he had to choke as the dagger nearly castrated him and he hadn't seen which one threw it. Thankfully he spilled his beer on the cut so it was not bleeding as heavily.
Xander grinned as he grabbed his younger self's knife from the guy's lap. "He's not that into leather. It's pretty body armor in his case." He handed him the knife, letting him clean it off and put it back into the hidden holster. Everyone in the bar was staring now and when the head of the local syndicate stood up in a rage they all realized that it wasn't the trio pissing him off.
"Merle!" he shouted. "Come here." He got up and came over, his steps loud in the silent bar. "What do you know about these freaks?" he demanded. He handed over the notes.
Merle looked at it and winced. "We've been wondering about them. I've got a guy watching them to see what in God's name they're doing."
"They're bad guys," Alex said with a shrug. "Part our sort of problem and part yours." Merle nodded. "Anything you can tell us before we go ...handle the problem?"
"They're scared to death of someone named Fury."
"He's the head of SHIELD," younger Xander said. "They're filled with this sort."
Merle considered it. "How mystical are they?"
"Very," younger Xander said. "The ones from my realm used mystical artifacts to gain power back in World War II. We don't want a repeat of a super powerful artifact being used by them."
Merle winced. "Us either. We can help you guys by guarding your backs. Them dealing with mystical stuff means I don't want 'em anywhere near my good, Catholic boy self."
Twin Xander patted him on the arm. "We don't want them on our earth." Merle smiled, relaxing. "Any help would be appreciated, guys. We know they have dirty cops."
"Um, yeah, there's like five or six that go in there," he said. He looked at his boss, who waved a hand while drinking his beer. "Yes, sir. C'mon, boys. You guys drive?"
"Yeah," younger Xander said with a grin. "I hardly ever get to do it at home. Too many people try to kidnap my cute ass so I have to react."
"It's the pants," Merle joked.
"Nah, today it's just a distraction. I had one try me while I was in flannel jammie pants." They followed Merle out, and a few of Merle's guys came to help. He looked at the twins. "Is the Council hiding anything like they'd want?"
"Um...yeah, three or four things. We've sent a warning though," Alex said, looking at his twin. Who sent a text to Andrew about one in particular. He got back one that the artifact was safely stored. So yeah, they could do this.
***
On Asgard, Odin was watching how things were being handled and saw things that weren't going to go well for anyone, because it would spread from Midgard to Asgard too easily. So perhaps he should give his son's battle brothers some more help. Gaia should not mind. Much. It was her realm anyway.
***
In Malibu, a different Tony Stark got a sudden email from Atlantis of all places, mostly because they were off doing science studies. But John Sheppard had emailed him about god things. He read it, frowning. "Oregon, yeah, I should go handle that. JARVIS, carbon copy that to the kids, set up the emergency protocols, get all the kids here and make sure Dawn's are safe too. I doubt we'll be able to count on her not joining in some day, even though she's pregnant."
"Yes, sir," the AI said. "I'm also initiating a protocol to scan for that program that other you created before I'm infested."
"Thanks, JARVIS, I knew I could count on you. I'm flying up." He went to get into his suit. It wasn't that long of a flight at top speed.
***
In DC, a young woman walked up to a battle site. "Eww, so gross," she said, flipping her hair back so she could pull it up. "This just won't do." Everyone stared at her. She smiled. "Hi, Willow Rosenburg. The New Council of Watchers isn't really happy with this." She grinned, waving at someone. "Hi, Captain. You're a great role model for our girls, but go sit down like a good boy for me, 'kay?" She looked at the others, raising a hand. "Let's play, little idiots."
One of them fired at her. She paused it. "Yawn. Xander and his twin have faced off with worse than this, guys. Hell, they survived Africa for years with worse than this." They tried to bring her down but she froze them then changed most of them into miniature horses. "Aww, cuteness." She smiled at the staring heros. "What?" She herded her new pets with her. Then she came back a few minutes later to bring down a problem trying to form. "Hi, how're you?" she demanded.
Gaia stared at her. "Well," she said. "That was interesting. Would Hecate agree to that, young lady?"
"Who're you?" she demanded.
"Gaia, child."
"Oh, dear," Willow sighed. "I didn't mean to usurp your fun, ma'am. Would you like them back? We were going to ask them questions."
"No, dear, you can handle that. Just beware that those sort have other plans and you're on their list. You coming into the open could be a problem."
Willow grinned. "If I die doing this then that's okay. It's not Sunnydale but it'll be okay. Better me than the twins. They're just guys." She grinned at the new person forming with a hostage. "What are you doing with Dawn?" she demanded.
"I'm removing her," Loki said. "Before it gets worse. They tried to attack her."
Dawn looked at him. "Get off me." He sneered. She zapped him then huffed. "Thankfully I've already hidden the Dawn from this realm. She's still sweet and young." She curtseyed to Gaia. "Lady Gaia."
"Dawn." She patted her on the cheek. "This isn't good for your children. Your husband would be yelling if he knew, and your wife even worse."
She grinned. "Possibly but they're busy with this stuff too." She waved a hand. "But our Phil is going to be here soon to help. I was just evacuating the sweet, innocent, not taught to protect herself Dawn." She stared at Willow. "You made that me more of a target. You and Buffy both. Gee, thanks." She looked at Steve, grinning at him. "Our realm is temporarily hitched to this one for two weeks. Our Stark is with yours. Our Bucky is here though." She waved and he appeared, putting one last gun on. "The kids?"
"Xander," he said, looking at her. "Go watch your own kids."
"I usually do!" She scowled at him. "Don't make me pull a Rosenburg and turn you into a pet. The kids would adore it." She grinned. "Also, want the spouses, Cap?" she asked. "I'm not sure which area they're working in."
Natasha strolled over. "We've fixed our part already. Go be safe, Dawn."
Dawn looked at her. "I could pull out some of Xander's artillery. We did agree I could have the way up high spot."
"Yes, but if they touch those children I will not be amused," Natasha said simply. "Go introduce our daughters to them instead so they want to use them like I do."
"Sure." She took a quick kiss and winked at her husband, letting him have his own kiss. "Be a good boy. I'll be waiting and if I have to come avenge you, I'll destroy *everything*." She disappeared.
Loki stared, then pointed while glaring at Rosenburg. "How did you do that?"
"She's from our realm," Hawkeye said with a smirk. "Not yours. Ours is a backup Avenger and you are quite in awe of her." Their Loki showed up, looking amused. "Dawn take the weapons from the kids?"
"Not quite but the war dogs are most amused with the tots." He looked at himself, flipping him on the head to show him what was going on in their realm. The younger Loki shuddered, shaking his head. "Go guard the one here. She's much too innocent and can't hope to protect herself without striking down a good bit of humanity. Do teach her better or make sure someone can guard her for us. We wouldn't want to see her *have* to protect herself." That Loki fled to do that. The new Loki sighed, shaking his head. "We'll be here if you need us. This...not-a-HYDRA-worshiping group as their figurine is not the same thing is not amusing us. Even Ares is not amused." He disappeared.
Hawkeye smiled. "Yeah, he's stronger in our realm and now married to Ares." He took aim and fired on someone running toward them. "I remember taking out your whole team for turning on SHIELD."
"Thankfully our children will be safe," Natasha said. "It would be bad for our son to get the taste for destroying people."
"Too late," Bucky complained. "He likes to watch others do it too." He shot them a look then at Steve. "There's a way to help your me. The mini Stark worked it out. We can do that later. Those kids are locked in their labs for safety reasons."
"Sure. Thanks. How far ahead are you guys?"
"Our realm's different," Clint said. "But at least eight years." He pointed at their Steve, who was stomping their way. "Stark with the geeks?"
"Yup. The kids are still in lockdown and understand that means they can't order in things this time. The babies are all with Pepper too." He grinned. "The girls are squealing at youtube videos about fashion."
"They are like Dawn," Natasha sighed, shaking her head. "It had to be an infection from those costumes she chose for the halloween party."
"No, then our girls would have come out craving swords," Clint said dryly. "You, Dawn, and Pepper weren't wearing that many clothes, Natasha."
"Point." She smiled. "Sometimes Dawn is the most amusing conundrum in life."
Bucky looked at her. "I didn't know you liked subtle understatements," he said dryly. "Did she infect you with something?"
Natasha smirked. "Not hardly." Some people came running their way. She fired on them. "Hmm." She looked at her gun. "I forgot she loaded the knockout ones for use around the lab compound." She changed her clip. "Let's go end this problem before my children want to become geeks again." She walked off.
Clint looked at the two Steves, nodding. "Yeah, let's. We've had a quiet month."
"Don't jinx us," their Steve complained. They followed Natasha. She caught up with the other two and they formed a plan. They could do that and it'd help a lot.
***
Stark landed in Eureka and put up his face shield, staring at that Clint. "They merged our realm too since our Gaia's here."
"You follow the greek gods?" Clint asked then ate a bite of his burger.
"Kinda hard not to know about that stuff when our Coulson married the guy that took over for the head of all gods."
Clint dropped his burger. "What?"
"Our Phil Coulson married Xander, who as it turns out ended up the king of *all* pantheons as well as the God Protector of Humanity." He shot him a look. "They're gooingly cute too." He snorted and sat down. "Where's the me from here?"
"In the labs. They're in a geek land that I can't even see the shores of."
Stark grinned. "I know that land. I have dual citizenship and so do most of my kids. I'm about to turn Maeve into a geek too. That way she's not ignored by her older siblings." Someone stomped over. He smirked and waved. "Hi. How're you?"
"You're in the labs," she said bluntly.
"They merged our realms for two weeks because they needed Gaia to be stronger for a few hours." He shrugged. "So I'm here to help. Not like I'd want HYDRA to take over. Thankfully our realm's was sidetracked."
Xander appeared, nodding. "Dawn found one and took him out then went behind everyone's back to disable it in finest administrative assistant fashion. Told Hill but she was confused until she saw all the names she found." He grinned at the lady. "Deputy Lupo."
"Who're you?" she demanded.
"Xander Harris, God Protectorate of Humanity." She gaped. He grinned. "We're only here for a few weeks. Most of the rest of our heroes are going to help the group in DC."
"How many of me are there?" Clint asked.
"Two others, there's only the three of you. Well, and the mini you. But Kate's doing okay. She's working with one of the Natashas." He grinned. "Relax, guard Eureka. HYDRA would want it and there's a strike team about two hours out trying to figure out how to infiltrate and take over. Also...." He looked. "Clay, call your people. There's two other versions of you in Central America."
"Can we have 'em?" Pooch asked dryly.
"Yeah, I think you can. You'd just freak yourselves out," he offered. He grinned at Clay, who looked smugly amused. He summoned both teams and their things. He pointed. "Help yourselves from my realm. This town may not fall," he said, staring at Clay. "Also, my Clay has things that will warp you worse than Jensen." He disappeared.
Roque snorted. "I hate him in asshole mode." He looked at his mate. His Clay shrugged. "Okay, let's see where we're needed. Jensen, you three geeks find that strike team. Pooch, find us a spot to squat. Clays, just deal with shit."
Clint waved a hand with a smirk. "I've been handling some of it. I've tied up three of them in a treehouse with a self destruct device if they try to escape." He ate another bite of his burger.
Jo Lupo stared at him. "I found that note. Next time, use the jail cell."
"Not enough room," Clint said. "And I can't use the self destruct bomb I found in the rooming house there." He finished his burger.
"Where did you find a bomb there?" Jo demanded, hands going to her hips.
"Back room in the basement. I disarmed the other two."
"Thanks. I'll gather them in a few." She looked at the three commando teams. "I'm the Deputy Sheriff and I'm Special Forces myself," she noted dryly. "We have a Sheriff who is a former Marshal."
Clay nodded. "Great. We can work with that. Roque, find us a map."
Jensen handed one over. "Three entrances that're easy. Two mostly hidden. One that may be mystically hidden if they want to trek through the forest." He went back to it. "Roque, can you set out feelers?"
"Yeah, kid. Already did," he noted. He looked at the map.
Clint looked. "That one's got some sort of shield." He pointed.
"Even better," the Godly Roque said. "I can add to that. Jensen, take a fly and give me intel." He nodded, jogging off and then flying off once he had changed out of sight. The other two Jensens made squeaky noises, pointing at the dragon figure flying off. Roque smirked at them. "Yeah, he's like that." He looked at himself and shrugged at their unamused look. "My team's not normal, boys. That's why my mother's a fertility goddess." He strolled off. "How like our Hawkeye are you, Barton?"
"We're the same guy," he said. "Only I know he's got kids."
"Yes and they're little heathens," Pooch said. "Smart but little heathens. The you in our realm was so proud when your daughters accidentally shot Natasha in the ankle with your bow."
Clint grinned. "I'd be impressed too."
Jo Lupo was shaking her head while staring at Jensen's retreating form. That was too weird even for Eureka.
***
"Stark!" a female voice yelled across the park.
"What?" three similar voices yelled back in unison and one other male voice joined in a second later.
She looked around. "What the hell!" she complained. "We are *not* cloning Nathan Stark! The universe won't survive that!"
The sheriff strolled over. "First, why are you screaming?" She glared at him. "Second, with two other realms merged with ours right now, the three other Starks are here getting help over a problem one of them created by accident." He stared her down. "Nathan and all three Tony Starks are in the picnic pavilion watching the news out of DC a minute ago. Now, why are you disturbing the peace?" he demanded.
"We have unnoted projects flying around and unknown, not GD employees hanging around!" she said with a foot stomp.
"If you're talking about the blond guy with the bow and the flying nymph that's helping him? He's an Avenger, he came with the first Tony Stark to help protect him and the nymph is a friend of his' design for help during battles." She glared. "I can arrest you." He smiled. "You are disturbing many people's night off." She huffed off. A minute later she screamed and fainted.
Clint looked down at her. "Sorry but Nifa is more than able to protect herself from huffy women like you. Her maker doesn't like women like you anyway." He walked over her, petting Nifa. "That was very economical, Nifa. Nice power usage." She grinned and kissed his cheek.
Nathan Stark stomped over. "What happened?"
"She tried to grab Nifa to rip her apart because she said she's not GD property," Clint said dryly. "Nifa protected herself beautifully. It was just a shock." He shrugged. "She shouldn't have tried to snatch her. I'd hate to let Xander have her for daring to touch Nifa."
Nathan looked at him. "What exactly can your Xander do that ours can't?"
"A lot," he said smugly. He walked off. "C'mon, we've got to remind Stark to eat dinner. Pepper's already nagging." Nifa laughed, nodding. She flew ahead to land on Stark's head, leaning over to stare down at him until he reached up to pat her. She flew off, coming back with an apple from a nearby tree. She landed on his head again, holding the apple down until he glared up at her. "Pepper called to remind me to nag you about eating," Clint said. "Is that edible, Nifa? I have no idea about apples."
She nibbled and nodded, handing it back to Stark, who sighed but ate it. She got apples for the other two Starks. They patted her and ate, getting back to the coding problem.
Nathan came back over scowling. "No more knocking them out. Make her sorry but not unconscious," he said, staring at the robotic nymph. She smiled and flew over to pat him then back to Clint's shoulder. She flew back to the first Stark, looking and pointing at something then her hand uploaded some code. "Did your program steal some of hers?"
Stark stared at it. "That's the coding from the original twins who made the Pippen tank," he said. "Not the twins we joined with, but their other set." He looked up. "They're CSI as well as weapons designers." He got back into it. "Ultron did steal it from when we were remaking the Pippen tanks for the battle in Manhattan." He sent a message to their Xander. Who sent a message to Coulson to get the original CD's for the tanks from his vault. Coulson sent it to Stark a few minutes later and they found where it was and how to fix it.
Clint patted the table. "It won't hurt Frodo or anything else he's fixed from their plans, right?" he asked quietly, staring at Stark.
"No. I can find a way around that or add to their code to repel that virus. In a way that's not connected so Ultron's programming can't find it."
"Can he take over your suits?" Nathan asked.
"Mine's got a power restrictor," the local Stark said, looking at his selves.
The one that came from GHS Xander's world nodded. "Mine too. It can only be activated by my DNA or Pepper's. Getting around that would require taking out all the programming for the suit and it won't activate without the chip," he said, holding it up from his necklace.
"I need that for mine," the new Stark said, calling his suit diagrams up. He figured out how to do that and started it in all his suits and especially his present one. "I can't see Calia having to deal with it. She'd be really upset."
"Your kids are safe in case they take over the Malibu facility?" Clint prompted.
That Stark considered it then called. "Calia, me. Why is your cat throwing up? Oh, hairballs. Okay, used to those. The reason for the realm merge is because another of me was creating a sentinel program that would've handled lesser battles for us. And now it's become Hal. Yup, that stuff. Please do, dear. Love you and make sure your siblings are sane by the time we get home. Don't you dare give Maeve Red Bull either. She's not like Chris, it'll hurt her instead of turn on her Stark brain." He hung up. "She'll guard that facility with Andrew and Jonathan plus all the Roombas."
Nathan looked so confused. That Stark almost felt sorry for him. "Like the robotic vacuums?"
That Tony Stark grinned and nodded. "We found a fanfiction story that had me owning an army of sentient roombas and I thought it was cute. Andrew and Jonathan created them in reality and they're an army. They've shown up to help in battles." He showed up footage of them showing up to help with Deadpool.
"I know of that guy," Clint said. "He's a bit weird but handy in a battle."
"He thinks my Dawn is a mean, dark angel," Stark said with a grin. "Flirts with her all the time and offered to bring her back to his home realm to help him kill people while traveling. He dotes on the kids too."
Clint nodded. "From what I've heard about Lexi and Mira, it may be a good idea to have someone creative who can think around their plots. Before they and Maeve try to take over the world."
"Maeve's father would have *kittens*," Tony said smugly with a smirk. "Besides, they'll have to start with the fashion industry first. I'm almost worried about them becoming celebutants. Thankfully not ones like that assassin bimbo we had that was one." Clint scowled. "Like a Hilton sister only less brainy. Her prep school taught her how to be an assassin but she's absolutely an embarrassment." He pulled up files on her to show them.
"Oh my god, it's killing my brain," the original Tony Stark said. "Damn! I know the her here. I think she's even more stupid than that one is but I can't see her shooting people."
"Look at her prep school. Natasha said that the trainer there for self defense was a minor one."
Clint looked up that name through their system, nodding when he found the school's site through that profile. "He is. A very bad shot but he is one. Huh." He sent a message to Coulson to look into it. At least it'd be something fun for him to do while he healed.
The other two Tony Starks looked at her files so they could find the one in their world and stop her. Nathan Stark looked too, just in case she was related to someone smarter in Eureka. The world did not need celebutant assassins.
***
In DC, a HYDRA agent looked over. "Soldier!" he yelled. "Where have you been?"
Bucky sneered at him. "I'm not your soldier," he said quietly then shot him. "I'll be fixing the me here so he's not yours either."
Dawn clapped. "You go, Bucky! I'm sure you're going to be as protective of your other self as Steve is of you." She shot someone sneaking up behind Bucky. "He's not yours to grope, people. He's not into you. He's going to see if there's a mythical third one too so he can save him too." She shot a few more. Bucky laughed but got them and then glared at her. She grinned. "I'm bored."
"Bullshit," he said. "You have kids."
"I have artillery and the kids are in hiding. They think the program that got that other realm merged will try for them. Which, of course, would make my niece prove she's a Summers and a Stark." She fired off something at the ship coming toward them. "No, not needing your input today. Thanks." She smiled and waved.
Bucky looked at the closer Natasha, who shook her head. "Every woman should be allowed to protect herself and any children she's borne," she said in Russian.
"Never mind, I thought you were her wife not this you." He looked at the other one.
"She is allowed to protect us and herself but I'll be damned if our future children are harmed or taken by HYDRA, Dawn," she finished more loudly.
"Worry more about that program taking over Calia's lab," she called back. "She might have to put something Chris made onto the cats so they become her army."
That Natasha shook her head quickly. "He put animal control units out?"
"Yup. Philip called it mean but wanted one made for Loki and Tzarina in case he and his sibs are attacked. He thinks Tzarina will protect him."
"Our son is weird," Clint called over the comms. "At least he's not in a kilt today."
"No, he realizes that jeans are more practical today," Dawn quipped. "Though he has wanted his uncle's suit."
"No," Natasha said. "Chris can have it if he wants but not our son."
Bucky stared at her. "He might do good."
"No!" she said more firmly, glaring at him. She shot someone rushing toward them. "I do not want my son to be the future Iron Man."
"Since he's got some magic, he can take Wiccan's place," Kate called from her spot, shooting at a car coming their way. "He's been to Asgard."
"I think that'll be Thor's son with Artemis," Clint called back, grinning at her. "But maybe."
"My son will not go to SHIELD," Natasha said. "Even if he wants to."
"Yes, dear. He'll go to college," Dawn said with a smile for her. "We'll be encouraging him and the girls all into colleges. Or maybe fashion school for the twins."
Clint nodded. "Maybe they'll make our future uniforms so the ones that want us to dress like anime characters shut up. I'd hate to see you two in anime armor again."
Dawn burst out laughing. "No, my uniform's not like that." She snapped and was changed into it, chainmail and all. "I am not an anime girl, dear." She pulled up magic and blasted the HYDRA agents trying to surround them. "Nope, don't think so," she chirped, smiling and waving at one. "I helped you be taken as a demonic slave. I should do that again."
"No summoning demons while pregnant," Phil Coulson reminded her as he appeared. "Instead, I'll ask Ares if he has a use for him." He looked at her. "Isn't the chainmail tight, Dawn?"
"Yeah but I'm pregnant so I excuse that in my special chainmail." She grinned, wiggling her fingers. "The protections around Chris just went off." She barely beat Phil and Xander back to the kids, blasting the people who were trying to get in to get the kids. "No, I don't think you're suitable babysitters, people. I might have to get ...mad." A few backed off.
"Dawn, please no pregnancy mood swings," Xander said.
"Pity," she said, pulling up weapons she had in magical storage. The smart ones fled. The rest got blown up.
"Way to go, Auntie Dawn!" Chris chirped. He pounced her to cuddle, getting a hug back while Xander used the rest of the weapons.
Phil looked at a nearby computer. "That's that program, guys."
"Fuck it," Chris said, hopping down to go fix that problem. Calia rolled in and helped with that. They broke the whole computer system in the compound. "Okay, we need Dad's help to finish it off," he said.
Liz ran in with a gun. "Bad people go away!" she shouted, shooting at them.
Xander took the gun from her, glaring at her little self. "You are not a heroine in spandex yet, niece."
"Oops."
"Yeah, big oops. Go help your siblings or watch the babies." She nodded, sighing as she went to help the babies. She knew she was a Pepper, not a Stark, and she didn't do science stuff very well. Xander looked at Dawn.
"Well, she is like a mini me," she said dryly with a smirk.
"Yes, she is," Phil agreed. "Thankfully we broke you of that bad habit."
Calia looked back at him. "Don't make me help, Uncle Phil."
"No, we're getting all of you to a safer location," Xander said. "Let me check on your dad's location." He disappeared and came back with that Tony Stark. Who helped get the kids gathered with Pepper to go to Eureka with him.
Dawn grinned at the new surge of bad guys. "Hi, how're you today? Isn't it a pretty day to rain destruction down on your heads?" She blasted them all into motes of energy. "Oooh, headache," she said, holding her head.
"Dawn, go with the kids," Stark ordered. "I need you to protect them and keep them from helping."
She nodded, gathering things like their go bags and hers. She and Phil got them and Stark back up there.
Calia looked around. "Huh." She rolled off, going to stare at her other fathers. "Hola, my almost paternal units. We're avoiding both Ultron and HYDRA who thought we'd be happy to help them."
"What happened to you?" Nathan asked quietly.
She smiled. "One of Daddy's former competitors got jealous at my patents and skills so he tried to take me out. He had a bad guy shoot me in the back. Pity he died horribly for it. It's one of those things we fantastic women have to deal with when it pops up." She looked at her aunt. "My pets?"
"At the temple with the war dogs," Dawn said, snapping her original outfit back onto her body instead of her bodysuit and armor.
"How...." Nathan started.
She grinned. "I'm strong in the Force." The kids all laughed. "I'm Dawn Summers-Romanoff-Barton, assistant to my Pepper and Tony, and aunt to all the kids."
"Wow," the original Tony said, staring at the kids. "Are they all mine?"
Dawn pointed. "Mine. Yours with Pepper and Steve." Tony blinked at her. She grinned. "He makes you messy. She still makes you drool and puts up with you."
He grinned. "Yeah, she does." He looked. "I'll try to be an okay uncle while we're merged but I don't have kids."
The one from GHS Xander's realm nodded. "Neither do I." He made room. "Which one of you guys is following in our esteemed footsteps?"
"I'm working on my own ideas and Chris really likes all your fast and robotic things," Calia quipped, moving closer to the table. She smiled at Nathan. "Don't worry. We're not troublesome. The little ones are all fashionable."
"Does this mean I can have my kilt back?" Philip asked.
"Not right now, son," Dawn said. "Still an emergency."
"Oh, okay." He shrugged and pulled the girls over. "We'll clean weapons for the parents." They squealed and he took his mother's weapons to clean. "Mommy, really dirty."
"Sorry, son, had to use them to save your other mother."
"That's good then. Mommy should not be hurt or else I'll go bitch at people like you do and make them sorrier than you could." He grinned sweetly at the girls. "Sometimes boys can be more mean than girls. It's because we have a penis."
Dawn patted him on the head. "They don't need to know about dicks yet, son."
"Oops."
"Thank you. And don't show them one either."
"Yes, Mommy. Our kitties?"
"At the temple," she said patiently.
"Oh, good. Daddy's guitar?"
"At home but it's safe."
"Cool." He grinned at the helpful girls, settling in to help them shine the guns and knives. Dawn took her guns to clean properly then let him shine them. "Daddy's bows?"
"He's got most of them."
"What about ours in the necklaces?" he asked, hopping up to come look at her throat. "We not have?"
"Mommy Natasha has all but the one Calia has, Philip. She might need it more."
He went over to look at her neck, taking the necklace off to open the storage area so he could check things. "Need more bullets, Mommy. Only have six boxes for each."
"I can get more," she said, smiling at her Tony, who was shaking his head.
Philip dragged out two things, one a sword. "Here, Mommy. You might need it."
She kissed him on the head. "Yes I might." He grinned, handing over the other weapon then closing up the storage area. Calia put it back on while working on a plan.
The three Tonys looked at each other. "You have great kids," one said to the daddy one.
Calia smirked. "It was a lot of Mommy Pepper's and Auntie Dawn's influence too, guys. Otherwise I wouldn't have found the virus you need." She handed those notes over to Chris, who frowned but worked at it. "It's a math problem, Chris." He nodded, making notes on how to do that. He liked programming more than she did.
"Seventeen patents by the time she was twelve," Tony said proudly. "Ten of them on her own. Her first fully on her own thing was a rocket powered cradle." The others smiled.
Nathan looked at her. "Are you going to follow your dad and run his company?"
"We might let Liz do the business stuff if she wants. It'd take me out of the lab and Chris hates paperwork." She shrugged but grinned. "I don't have Mommy Pepper's patience levels. Then again, my mom was Auntie Dawn's sister so that explains a lot."
"At least you're not an airhead," Dawn quipped.
"True, I'm not an airhead like my mom could be," she agreed. "Thankfully I've got Daddy's brains." Someone shouted something rude as they ran toward them. She turned her chair and fired off her laser, knocking them out and down. "Hmm. Idiots in science aren't just named Hammer. Pity." She turned back around to get back to the plans.
Dawn looked then at her. "Is it miscalibrated?"
"I had it on low."
Chris shook his head. "Not very accurate. I'll tune it later, Sissy."
"Thank you, Chris."
"Welcome. Can you look at my cat army thingy?"
"I can and have been. It'd work better on dogs than cats. Cats are a bit more stubborn."
"Shoot."
"But maybe we can put it on some guards so they have to guard us instead of staring at us like we're odd."
"That'd be nice," Liz agreed. "I get all sorts of funny looks when I help Mommy Pepper in the office instead of being in the labs."
"You should've seen it when Chris used to run around naked," Calia said, grinning at her sister. "Talk about weird looks." Chris snorted but was smiling. "You used a bush one time because you wanted to be a dog."
"Then he ran all over that gravel parking lot to avoid being captured," Dawn said. "He nicely kicked his dad in the balls for it too." She looked at her son. "And he never meowed like you did for months on end, or used a litter box."
"They're kitty toilets and I'm like a kitty," he said with a smirk. "Can I have the pretty clothes, Mommy? Please?"
"When it's safer," she said patiently. "Though I don't think you packed your sports kilt or the velvet stuff." He huffed but nodded. She grinned at the staring Starks. "We showed him the Three Musketeers. He went off on 'ponies, and swords, and ruffles' for hours."
"Daddy did not understand why ruffles were cute while riding ponies," Philip said with a shrug. "He figured it out later though. He's very nice."
"He tolerates it," she mouthed, making Clint duck his head but smile at that.
"Can we go to Asgard so we can wear velvet and leather?" Chris asked, looking at his father. Who shrugged. "Please, Daddy?"
"We'll see."
"Thank you." He hugged him then got back to the plotting he and his sister were doing. Ultron may know about their dad but he had no idea what a real Stark could do when they worked together.
"Hey, girls?" Clint asked, getting attention of the younger three. "This is Nifa. She's a battle nymph and her daddy didn't make her any other clothes. Can you guys figure out something for her to wear?" They took Nifa to look at and pet. They knew all about clothes so they could help the poor, deprived robot girl be fashionable and smart, just like they were.
"Thank you," Chris said. "All the girls but Calia really like clothes, even though they won't help us dress up when we need to go do Stark things." He rolled his eyes.
"I like clothes just fine; I'm hating my body in them," Calia complained. "Some day you too will hit puberty and it'll suck while you feel like you're out of balance."
He looked at her. "Not like you're going to tip over." He stared at her chest then shrugged. "They're not all that interesting either. Auntie Dawn's are bigger and Mommy Pepper's are more perky than yours because you hide them. Maybe you should wear a penis to get boys?" She swatted him. "Ow! Mean!"
"Yup, every damn day," Calia assured him dryly. "I don't need a penis to prove my worth, unlike you, who get special benefits because of yours. But don't worry, some day some wallet hunting bimbo will like you enough to push out two trophy kids then divorce you."
"Not likely," Dawn said dryly. "I'd hate to have to kill the money hungry bimbos either of you pick up, niece. Though I will, I'd hate to do it. Bucky and I might even set up a people hunting operation to get them all."
Calia hugged her. "Thanks, Auntie Dawn."
"You're welcome, dear. Want a snack?"
"No, I'm okay. I actually ate lunch." She looked at the four young girls. Who all grinned at her. "Hungry, ladies?"
"Pwease!" three of them yelled with grins.
"I could eat, please," Liz agreed, smiling at her.
"Café, that way, three blocks," Nathan Stark said.
"I'll bring 'em," Clint said. "That way no one harms the cute ones for being cute and the others for the brains they're trying to hide." The girls all giggled, giving him hugs. But they kept Nifa to pat and play with. Dawn pulled out a miniaturized stroller and let it grow, getting the younger three into it.
"I remember that one," Philip chirped with a grin. "We bought it for the babies while Mommy was dizzy."
"You sure did have Daddy help you do that," Dawn promised. "Hungry, Philip?"
"Go with Chris!"
"Chris?" Dawn asked.
"Bring me back something?" Stark asked, flapping a hand.
"We can move this to the café," Dawn said. "Unless it's a no work zone like our caf is?"
"No, it's not," Nathan agreed. "We can easily move that way." Calia nodded, packing up her stuff into her backpack. Chris put his into his messenger bag, but pulled out a phone to play games on instead. His father snatched it to put into his pocket and pointed at Philip.
"Sure, I can play with Philip. C'mon, Philip, we'll race!" He took off after dropping his bag on his sister's lap.
"No fair! You're taller!" he complained but ran after him. "I'll still beat you some day!"
"Wait on us before you cross a single street!" Dawn yelled after them. "I'm not reviving your tiny asses or calling you back from the dead!"
"Yes, Auntie Dawn!"
"Yes, Mommy. Philip won't be hit by a car!"
"Thank you!" she pushed the stroller off, letting Liz help her. "Boys," she sighed, looking at her mini me.
Liz looked up and nodded. "That penis thing really does ruin them. I have no idea why girls like them at all."
"Some day, that urge will hit," Calia quipped. "I still don't know why they're worth wanting but damn do my hormones think the bigger versions are cute." She shook her head with a sigh. "Auntie Dawn, is the magic here thinner?"
"Yup. Go back to shielding only, kiddo."
"I'll drop my illusion if you do," she quipped back with an evil smirk.
"I'm as big as a trailer, Calia. If I drop that I'll never be able to walk."
"Yay," Stark said from behind her. "Don't think I won't tell the highly overprotective spouses you have, Dawn."
She stuck her tongue out at him. "Then you'll be asked if they're yours again."
"Point but still. Don't wear yourself out. You might have to handle an emergency with the kids."
"Fine." She removed most of her illusions. Calia removed hers, sighing in disgust as she adjusted her shirt again. Dawn helped by hiding one of her bra straps for her. "Better?"
Nathan was staring at her stomach. "Are you due soon?"
"Two months," she said dryly. "Triplets and we think they might all be girls."
Clint looked at her. "Do I want to call that other me the man?"
"You might want to call some Asgardian goddesses who wanted me to have one before I ended up with ovarian cancer the man," said shot back with a grin. "They decided us having the three kids wasn't enough for *real* warriors like you and Natasha. Thankfully, Natasha isn't pregnant this time as well. It caused a few problems when we were pregnant at the same time."
Clint shook his head then shuddered. "Yeah, my Natasha would be horrified." Dawn pointed at one of the girls, smirking at him. "Really?"
"Halloween. Costumes," that Stark said dryly. "Them and Pepper. They went as fantasy women. Pepper went as Aphrodite from that Hercules show. Dawn went in anime armor and leant Natasha some." He pulled up a picture on his phone to show him. "According to Pepper it doomed them all."
"It was fun," Dawn quipped with a grin.
Clint stared at it then at Dawn. "Damn."
She grinned. "Thank you."
Calia looked over at her. "Some day I want to bum that armor for a Halloween but not until I'm at least sixteen."
"Thirty," her father ordered. "Or later."
"Dad!" she complained. "How else am I supposed to prove I'm open for money-grubbing mimbos?" She grinned at him. "Not like you didn't show up as the male Lady Godiva when you were sixteen."
"You're going to learn from my mistakes, Daughter. You really will."
Dawn grinned at her. "I had ones that weren't as naughty. You can have the leather pants outfit if you want."
"I might do that."
"Thirty-five for leather pants," her father said more firmly.
"Take that up with Mommy Pepper since she got me a pair last year for that Ren-Faire thing," Calia quipped, smirking back at him. "Stepmommy Steve was not amused but I looked fantastic in the Ren-Faire warrior woman outfit."
Tony looked at Dawn. "Not my doing. Pepper wanted to go see an old college friend there. But she did look nice."
"Uh-huh," Tony said. "No more, daughter."
"If you're sure, Daddy. Talk to Mommy Pepper. I have to take her or Auntie Dawn shopping most of the time. Unless I talk Auntie Natasha into going with me but she only gets me workout clothes and shoes."
"Yeah," Tony said dryly, scowling at Dawn, who grinned back. "No trashy shit."
"She's got lingerie, Boss. That's not my doing. That was Pepper. I got her the polka dotted dress."
"She looked pretty in it," he admitted, blinking hard. "Damn it, I hate you growing up. I really need to make a deaging thing."
Calia paused her rolling to stare at him. "You try that shit, and you're going in it, Dad. I'll *so* send you back to the baby years so we have to diaper you and let the triplets of fashion terror watch your tiny ass." She stared at him. "And I'll find a way to make it last for *years* on top of your invention."
Stark hugged her. "I'm glad you're my clone but I still hate you growing up."
"That's because it makes us both feel old," she said dryly, rolling off again. "You know, I could talk JARVIS into finding a Fountain of Youth nano formula for you."
"Like hell."
"Fine. Spoil Mommy Pepper's ideas about being twenty-something again." She looked at her father. "She was sobbing over wrinkles the other day."
"Yeah, that's hormones," Dawn said. "Some day you too will have the Change, niece."
"I'll have mine ripped out first and go on the hormones to make sure it's not so bad. Thanks."
"That's fine, dear. I don't need grandkids," Tony said quickly.
"Fat chance," Chris said with a grin for him. "I'm going to give you so many grandkids you'll get them mixed up, Dad."
"He's a Stark, he'll have a harem like you did when you were our age," Philip agreed. Dawn was trying not to laugh but oh well.
"I waited until I was older to have a harem, son, and you'll get a *long* talk about women soon."
"Dad, did you forget you told me and Philip what a penis was for the other day?" he asked, staring at him.
"It's for oppressing women," Calia quipped. "It has no tactical use except to make you guys hurt a whole lot when we women ruin them on you." She smirked at her brother. "Especially the next time you wander into my room wearing panties and nothing else."
"I wear boy underwear! Not panties!" he complained, scowling at her.
"They had flowers, they're panties," she shot back. "And the next time I see the panties I'm *so* going to have to deal with your junk so you never flash it again." She stared at him. "Remember, Auntie Natasha taught me to throw knives."
Chris covered himself with his hands, nodding. "I'll remember pants or a kilt, Sissy."
"Thank you." She patted him on the head as she rolled past him. "Bit of traffic." She looked both ways, moving her wheelchair into the edge of the street. She looked again. "Run ahead, guys, and wait on us." The boys ran. She followed. Dawn checked before rolling the girls across the street with Liz.
Tony looked at his other selves and Nathan Stark, plus Clint, who was trying not to laugh. "Help? Please? I'm so screwed with those two sometimes," he said quietly.
Clint patted him on the back. "Did the me there help?"
"He laughed. A lot. Though we are working together on the whole kilt and ruffles issue." He shot him a look. "Your son taught mine how to crossdress."
"Liz started that," Dawn called back. "By donating her old dresses to Chris." Liz giggled.
"I still say I looked better in that plum cocktail dress," Philip quipped.
Chris nodded. "It did go well with your hair, better than it did on Liz."
Liz shrugged. "Mommy Pepper bought me another one if you two want to bum it."
"No!" Tony said firmly. "No giving the boys your cast-off dresses. Thank you." He walked over to talk to the boys again. Clint came over to help give important guy lessons.
"OOOOOH! Unclie Jensen!" Liz squealed, running over to hug him. "Change so I can have petting time?"
Jensen looked at her. "I'm not your Jensen, sweetheart. He's near the café."
"Okay! That's cool. Can you change?"
"No, sorry," he said with a grin and a head shake.
"Pity. You'd make a good pet." She skipped off, finding her Uncle Clay, he was wearing hickeys from Uncle Roque so she knew he was her version. She stopped in front of him, grinning up at him. "Can we girls bum Uncle Jensen for petting time?" She knew she had to ask Clay or Roque for any other members of the team if they were busy doing commando things.
"He's eating lunch and he's got patrol tonight. We need him back by six, Liz. He'll need some rest."
"The girls need something to do beyond help dress Nifa the nymph robot." She skipped off, squealing and pouncing Uncle Cougar, who patted her but put her down until she pouted and climbed back up. "You need petted and cuddled. That way you recharge the hat's special powers to draw good girls instead of skanky wallet hunters like Chris will have a harem of." She grinned at him then at the laughing uncle next to them. "Can we girls have petting time? It'll give the tiny ones something to do beyond help Nifa find clothes."
"Sure, I guess." He sipped his coffee. "That's not our Cougar, dear."
"So? His hat still needs recharged. The power of cuteness will recharge it enough until we can find a succuba to steal it for an hour so it smells like nasty adult stuff smells." She grinned at Cougar. "Ladies, Unclie Jensen said we can have petting time!" All three babies squealed and climbed out of the stroller to come hug him. He put them into his lap to cuddle while he finished his lunch. It helped. Liz smiled at the nice guy staring at them. "Yes, I'm a beautiful Stark, but if you stare we worry that you're a bad guy of some sort. Then Calia will have to panic and build more lasers for her chair."
"I'd never be a bad guy. I run the café. What's your name? I'm Vincent."
"Liz." She grinned. "That's my daddy back there talking to my douchebag brother about boy stuff." Jensen swatted her. "Sorry, shouldn't say that about my brother," she sighed.
"No, you shouldn't," Dawn ordered, staring at her. "Do you really want to sit and face a tree for an hour this afternoon?"
"No, Auntie Dawn."
"Thank you. Be on better behavior, ladies. We're guests."
"Mine!" Mira said loudly, hugging Jensen's arm with a grin.
"Sometimes I am yours," Jensen agreed, grinning at her. "Want lunch, ladies?" They cooed at him. "Dawn, how solid are they eating?"
"They're girls, Jensen. Is there something like a fruit salad without kiwi? Mira and Lexi won't eat them but Maeve will. She can't have strawberries though. She's allergic like her mom."
"I can easily do that. Water in a sealed cup with a straw?" the cook said with a grin.
"Please. They're usually much better behaved," she said, staring at Liz.
"Can I have pancakes?"
"Hell no," Dawn quipped with a grin for her. "I'm not giving you sugar unless I'm unleashing you on bad guys, niece."
"Shoot. Can I have hammy and grilled cheese?"
"I can make a wonderful grilled cheese and ham sandwich," the cook said with a grin for her.
"Please? With milk?"
"No mayo, please," Dawn said dryly. "Just no condiments unless it's italian dressing? She got it from Bucky."
"I can easily do that. It's not all that hard. For you?"
"I'll take Liz's. The two guys out there will want either a salad or a burger and fries. Philip?" she called. He looked over. "Burger or salad?"
"Salad with hammy and eggs please." He poked Chris. "Salad or burger? Mommy wants to know."
"I want hammy salad too please," Chris called. "With Ranch?"
"Yes please, Mommy," Philip said, dancing around. "And soda?"
"Diet," she sighed. She looked at him. "Stark, all of them, will probably want something pastry like later but for now, it'll probably be sandwiches when they quit nagging the boys about boy things."
"They were being butts," Liz said. Dawn stared at her. She huffed. "They were!"
"You, sitting in a corner by staring at a tree for acting out like a heathen you find in the mall," Dawn countered. Calia giggled but nodded. "Niece?"
"No clue yet but can I have a glass of milk while I figure that out?"
"Sure," he agreed, going to get drinks and started on the simple food.
Clay walked in, theirs since he had the hickies. "Jensen, watch the tots this afternoon. We're going to gather the idiots that're going to try to take down the town. They're vulnerable targets who can only cause mental anguish, not pain and suffering."
"Yup, I can do that. They wanted petting time." He looked at his team leader.
"You can have this Unclie Cougar," Liz said with a grin, getting off him. "I can recharge his hat's special powers later with my cuteness."
"I'm sure you can, princess." Clay nodded and Cougar all but fled to go help the teams. "You guys behave this afternoon and stay where your aunt and Jensen say. Got it?" She nodded with a grin. "Thank you." He left, going to take the teams out to hunt. He looked at Cougar. "She was recharging your hat?"
"She said cuteness would let it draw more girls," he complained, cracking the others up. The one native to Liz's realm nodded he'd had her do that to him a few times too.
Dawn looked at Liz. "Potty, wash your hands," she said quietly. The older girls headed for that while she got the girls set up in high chairs so they'd eat and not escape. Mira pouted at her. "Your mommy's in DC fighting bad guys. You can call her tonight, Mira. It's time for lunch." She pouted at her. "You like lunch and it's fruit." She perked up at that, letting Dawn wipe her hands and mouth off with a baby wipe. The other two got the same help then Dawn sat down with a sigh.
Jensen patted her on the wrist. "I'll make sure you're okay too, Dawn. That way you don't have to rip anyone apart and then cry on them."
"Thanks, Jake. It's very helpful." Calia came back first, still adjusting her shirt. Dawn reached over to help with the back, getting a weak grin. "We'll just have to invent something to help you adjust your back straps for a bit."
"Maybe. At least I'm not a quadriplegic or one of those poor locked in cases." Dawn nodded. "My mind would go nuts without things to build." She smiled at the nice cooking guy when he put down drinks for them. "Thank you."
"You're welcome. What do you want for lunch?"
"I'll...."
"Did you eat breakfast?" Dawn asked patiently.
"Um, no, or dinner but I ate lunch yesterday I guess," she muttered. "I was working on a new thingy with Dad's old armor. Um, can I have something huge?"
"Sure. We can do almost anything. I'm out of kangaroo meat." He smiled.
"Ooooh." The boys and the three Starks came in with Nathan outside talking to someone on his phone while Clint was giggling. "What do I want to eat?"
Philip stared at her. "Steak." He grinned at her. "You never eat meat and you need meat to heal booboos, Calia. You can't get stronger and get out of that chair if you're not eating meat."
"Yeah, that's a good idea, but you can also do a steak sandwich or a meatball sub," Dawn said.
"That's too messy to eat in a restaurant, Auntie Dawn. Um...steak sandwich is pretty good if you could. And veggies?"
He nodded, smiling at her. He saw many geniuses like her around town. "Fries or other veggies?"
"They're having fruit salad," Dawn offered with a wave at the kids.
"Can I have some of that too? And fries?" she asked with a grin.
"I can easily do that. Are you allergic to strawberries too?"
"No, only Mommy Pepper and Liz are. My mom wasn't allergic to anything but bad clothes." He laughed as he walked off.
Tony sat down beside her. "That's a good point. She was allergic to bad fashion." He hugged her. "You're great."
"You're so sucking up and no you can't have my music player, Dad."
"I have my own."
"Uh-huh." The girls' fruit salads were brought, and hers, plus the two salads for the boys.
"Thank you," Philip chirped. "You do that very well." He dug in, munching happily.
"Thanks, Vincent," Tony said.
"Mouth closed please," Dawn said quietly. "Take smaller bites. It's not going to run away and even if we're attacked you can both finish." They ate more mannerly. "Thank you."
Stark grinned. "Did you order for me too?"
"Just a note that you'd want pastries later, boss. No idea what you're craving today."
Stark looked at the sandwiches coming out. "I want what my clone is having, no mayo."
"Mine has mayo?" Calia asked. "I can scrape it off since I forgot to not ask for it."
"No, I didn't think you guys would want it. Most kids won't eat mayo," he said. "Mr. Stark, just the one sandwich?"
"Please. Fries too please." The others nodded and they settled in to eat and work. Nathan came in, getting handed a full plate as he walked past the counter. Vincent knew what he wanted to eat already. Nathan was predictable that way. When Chris started to wiggle, Dawn tapped the table and pointed. He and Philip ran back to the bathroom together. "Wash your hands?" Tony prompted when they came back. They ran back to do that and came back to finish eating. "Thanks, guys."
"Welcome, Uncle Tony. Can we go see the ninjas that just walked past when we're done?"
Dawn looked back then at him. "Nope."
"Shoot."
"If they're good ninjas I'll let them introduce themselves," Tony said, looking at Dawn then at her stomach. She snorted, staring at him. Outside, someone yelped then fell to an arrow in the stomach. "Never mind, Uncle Clint found the ninjas." Clint strolled in a few minutes later, patting Nifa on the head then Liz since she pouted at him. "Ninjas?"
"Wannabes," he said dryly. "Not any good at it either. One tried to flip *towards* the arrow." He pulled a chair over. "Jensen, staying?"
"The kids wanted some petting time. This way we can help you and Dawn guard the kids."
"That's cool. I'm sure they love you." Jensen grinned and nodded. Vincent came out to get his order then went back to the kitchen, bringing out sandwiches for the Starks and Clint's simpler pizza. "Thanks, Vincent."
"Welcome, Clint." He grinned at Jensen. "Are you okay?"
"I'm actually really good. Thank you, Vincent."
"You're welcome. Mr. Stark?" They all grinned at him while chewing. "Let me know if you need anything else." He patted the babies on the head. "Eat the fruit, girls. You need fruit to grow up big, strong, and able to beat off boys." He went back to checking the others in the café then back to the kitchen.
"Someday I'll have to teach them that," Dawn quipped. She winced, standing up. "Excuse me for a moment. They're tapdancing again." She went to pee, wash her hands, and calm the kids down for a few minutes. Then she came back to finish her lunch.
"Did you wash your hands?" Philip asked her.
"I sure did because it's nasty if you don't," she said, tweaking his ear. "Big people usually do."
Clint nodded. "Otherwise it's gross."
"Ooooh. I have to make sure Daddy does. Mommy doesn't do gross things but Daddy sometimes does." He dug in again.
"Your other mommy only does gross things when we're hunting deer or when she's in a swamp," Dawn agreed with a smile for her boy. "That's very good, Philip."
Chris shook his head. "My mommy doesn't do anything gross. She lets Stepmommy Steve do it." He nodded a bit then ate some more salad.
"Yes she does," his father agreed. "Some girls are like that. Your youngest sister will probably do the same thing."
"Swamps are icky," Liz said dryly. "I'm not a girl that likes that stuff either, Daddy."
"That's fine, Liz. That's something each girl has to figure out for herself." He patted her on the head. "What're you doing this afternoon?"
"Staring at a tree for acting up," Dawn said dryly. "Then she can help me with the girls."
"Dawn," he sighed.
"She was being a butt to Carlos."
"Oh. Well.... Maybe a twenty minute staring at a tree then. Don't torment your uncles," he told her. "It's not nice and Pepper would be mad at your lack of manners."
"Yes, Dad," she sighed. "Can I ask her opinion on it? Or Stepmom's?"
"No. Your mom's going to a safe location. Your stepmom's in a battle. No."
"Fine. Then why are you here?" she demanded. "Stepmom might need you."
"They have three of Auntie Natasha, two Uncle Clints, and an Auntie Kate," Tony said dryly. He stared at her. "Do you think they need me right now instead of figuring out things?"
"Uncle Bruce?" she asked, clutching his arm.
"Going with Pepper," Dawn said. "Bucky's there with Steve too, dear. They'll be fine or I'll go blow them the fuck up."
Liz grinned at her. "Okay. Thank you, Auntie Dawn. We'll cheer you on."
"You can do that," Tony agreed. He looked at Dawn. "You, no, babies. I'll go blow them up."
"Fine." She flapped a hand. "One of us will."
"I'll volunteer," Calia said, staring at them. "I can handle artillery even while I'm in the chair." She looked at her aunt. "I'm a faster mover than you right now thanks to the new nieces in there."
"You're a kid. You can only do self defense," Dawn said, staring her down. "We've had this talk."
"I know, but sometimes you gotta do the big things." She shrugged. "We'll figure it out."
"You, watching siblings," Dawn said with a wave at them. "Last line of defense. Not going out to beat up the bad guys."
"Yes, ma'am," she sighed.
"Or no bikini time at all when we get back home," Tony said. "Including no going on their vacation with them."
"Damn," she muttered.
"Uh-huh," Stark said, smirking at her. "You're too young, you're too inexperienced, you're too valuable to risk. No way in hell, daughter. You're not me. You will not turn into me or your Aunt Natasha. Am. I. Clear?"
She nodded. "Yes, Daddy."
"Thank you!" He grinned. "Work on your next engineering miracle. I want to brag about you and a nobel some day."
"Sure." She pulled out a tablet but Dawn took it from her. "He said...."
"Eat. No work at the table until you're down to nibbling dessert." Calia sighed but nodded, getting back into her food. She was hungry. She looked at Tony. "She missed dinner and breakfast."
"Crap. We do try, Dawn. We know Pepper's rules about one hot meal a day into every Stark there is." He grinned. "Fuss less."
"Fine." She gave a pointed look at his plate so he dug in to eat too. "Thank you both."
Jensen was trying not to smile at the boys, who were stuffing their mouths as fast as they could. Chris and Calia finished, grabbing stuff to work on while they nibbled sweet stuff Vincent brought them.
"Red bull?" Philip asked. "They live on the stuff when they're in the labs."
"I tried *so* hard," Tony sighed, shaking his head. "It's Calia's fault."
"We have an all natural energy drink," Vincent said. "It's like a smoothie and it's nuclear green."
"I guess that'd be okay to try," Calia said with a grin. "Thank you."
"You're welcome. What're you two working on?"
"An inter-dimension Rainbow Bridge," she quipped. "We built one but it's got a few flaws and won't go everywhere." She smiled at him. "This is just for fun stuff. We're not supposed to do real work at the table unless it's an emergency working on stuff to save humanity again." She got back to fussing at her bridge.
Chris grinned at him. "I'm building one of my robotic army of cats pieces."
"It'll work better on dogs," Calia said. "Cats won't follow orders."
"So? I'm making it bigger so it can go on people. That way I can use the bad guys to protect us both if Auntie Dawn can't." He went back to it. Tony was giving him an odd look.
Philip hugged his arm. "If we have to, we take the suit and fly away."
"Yeah, we can do that. I can make the suits do that," he agreed, getting into that program to activate it.
"Watch out for that other program," Dawn warned. "It could use the suits as a proxy."
"Point," Chris said. "We can make sure." He grinned at his dad. "Didn't Calia fix your vibration problem yet?"
"I fixed most of it."
"Still has some, Dad. We'll have to fix that in case you need to go into space on Sissy's bridge."
"Me first," Calia ordered. She sighed, looking at her relatives, and kinda relatives. "Is it normal to feel stupid because I can't solve game show questions even though I can solve some of the fundamental forces of the universe?" They all nodded their heads. "I mean, it's no fair. I suck at _The Chase_. He's a lawyer with a math degree. And the _Idiot Test_, don't even get me started. That guy's a comedian! It sucks, Dad."
"I can't do them either. You should ask Pepper about the charity Jeopardy match I lost by tons. I ended up paying out nearly three hundred thousand dollars to that charity for losing so hard."
"Trivia is a lot different from engineering," Dawn said, staring at her. "We can't be great at all things. Though, a law degree and a math degree? How nerdy is he?"
"He's *huge* she said with a grin. "And snarky. He's like a really heavy Uncle Rodney." She looked at her Dad. "He could help."
"Atlantis is off doing scientific stuff in the middle of Pluto's orbit," he said. "Or else I'd already have him and Radek here, daughter. No one can write a virus like he and Radek can with Miko."
"She's really nice until you mess with her project," Chris said. "Then I think she sucked off some of Uncle Rodney's mean girl vibe. I'll never fix her math problem again."
"She does professional math like Professor Charlie," Calia said absently.
"I know. Dad, when I'm older, can I go to study under Professor Charlie?"
"You can if that's what you want to do," he agreed, smiling at him. "You'll have a lot of schools to choose from."
"I have to make a decision?" His father nodded. "Oh. Shoot."
"Maybe you can go to MIT," Calia said, smiling at him. "I was a bit ahead of them but you're not...."
"Quit picking on your brother," Tony said firmly. "He's just as smart as you are, Calia. He's just younger and likes different areas." He scowled at her.
"Fine."
"Thank you." He looked at Chris. "I went to MIT."
"So the girls can go to Cal Sci and we'll be guys at MIT?" Chris guessed with a grin. "Will they have a program for Liz and Maeve?"
"I'd hope so." He ruffled his hair. "Finish up so we can go back to the park. We'll hang somewhere nearer to the bathroom." Liz quit wiggling and ran for it. "Thank you, daughter."
"Me?" Maeve asked with a smile for her daddy.
"Not until you're out of diapers, dear. In a few years you can potty train. I'm sure Steve and Pepper will help Dawn do it like they did for the others." Dawn nodded at that. Tony grinned at her. She smiled back. "How's he doing?"
"He's gone through it and all that."
"Good. It makes it a lot easier."
"For boys, easy is peeing off the porch," Philip said with a grin. "But I never hit the kitties. They'd be really upset and Tzarina would claw me again." Dawn stared at him. "It was an accident, Mommy."
"It better have been, son."
"I like kitties, Mommy. I'd never hurt kitties. Peeing on things hurts them. Mommy Natasha said it hurt the sheets."
"It did but you got through all that," she said. "Finish up?" He finished his salad and the last few bites of Chris's too.
Calia was defending her last few bites of fruit from the trio of fashionable terrors. "Mine, ladies." They cooed at her, patting her. "I need fruit. Have Auntie Dawn get you more stuff." She finished that up, making her baby sister pout. She shrugged back. "I need the food more. I've got bunches of stuff to do. You guys are going to play with Uncle Jensen." The girls squealed, patting him instead. "See, much better than stealing my fruit." Vincent came out with a to-go box that smelled like fruit, making Calia hug him. "Thank you. I'll need that later."
"Come back when you guys are ready for pastry stuff," he said, giving her a hug back. "I think you're neat." He went back into the kitchen.
"All right, everyone who can, go potty then we'll go back to the park," Daddy Tony said. The kids trooped that way. "And remember Mommy Pepper's orders about washing up afterward."
"Yes, Uncle Tony," Philip said with a grin and a wave for him. He opened the door. "Oops, people in there but he's napping."
Dawn got up but winced and held her stomach.
"Let me," Tony said firmly. "You. Sit." He pointed, going to check out what the kids who thankfully weren't his had found. "He's just passed out, guys. We can move him for you. That way no one steps on him." He did that while Vincent called someone to check on him.
"We could go to the temple," Dawn said. She got comfortable again.
"What can they do that we can't?" Nathan demanded, staring her down.
She grinned. "They're gods. Plus we'd have the war dogs for the kids to be protected by."
"It's probably a target," Tony said, looking at her. "I'd say for you to go to Guatemala again but no clue if that'd be any safer."
"That's fine but we need to find a spot in the park that's near a bathroom."
"There's a nicely cleaned one near the picnic shelter, Dawn," Nathan said. "It's cleaned automatically after each usage." She nodded, smiling at that. "Are they going to need a lot of stuff?"
"We have the diaper bag, the go bags, and a few other things. They should be okay for about two days. By then, I'm hoping most of it's done with and we can move the kids somewhere more ...them. Most of them are going to be really bored."
Tony nodded. "Probably. Unfortunately but probably." The kids came back out, Philip wiping his hands off on Chris's shirt and Calia doing hers on her own shirt. "Out of towels?" They nodded.
"I can go put more in," Vincent said, smiling at the kids. "You guys are so cute."
"We're Starks, of course we are," Calia said with a smug look.
"I am because I'm Mommy's boy," Philip said with a grin of his own.
"Yes, you are, son." Dawn stood up. "Okay, let's take Uncle Jensen back to the park. Let the Daddy Tonys all work on science stuff." They nodded, getting themselves back together to go to the park with their aunt and uncle. They knew to be good for Dawn. She'd cry on them if they weren't and they all hated her mood swings.
***
Chris got woken up by a chirp from his phone, pulling it over to look at it. "Fuck," he said quietly. He looked, Philip was asleep. Tony was crashed on a couch outside the bedroom. Chris got up carefully so he wouldn't wake Philip then snuck to his aunt's room with the girls. He nudged her, getting a glare back. "The bad guys captured Uncle Bucky and a few others. Including one of the Uncle Clints," he said quietly, letting her see it.
"Fuck," she muttered as she got up.
"I said the same thing," he said with a grin. "Can I help?"
"No. You're a kid. Your only job is to protect your siblings. Got it?" He nodded, going back to check on everyone. Dawn looked at the girls before getting up and putting on something to go under her uniform.
Tony was leaning in the doorway when she opened the door. "No, you're pregnant. There's three of us. We can all go stomp HYDRA, Dawn." He took the phone from her hand, looking at it. "Well, fuck that shit. Let me go handle this. You...guard the kids. Like the son, you're not to be in a battle yet. You have months before you can be in a battle. Unless something really bad happens, then show up and kick some ass with weapons. Okay?" She grimaced but nodded. "Good. Work on their Bucky too? See if you can find this realm's version." He went to wake up the other Tonys. They all growled, got into their suits, and went to fix it.
Dawn went to wake up Clint so he could go with them. She could handle the kids without them. Clay's teams were still in town. She summoned that Bucky out, making him flinch and look around while reaching for a weapon. She stared at him. "I helped you from my world heal, James. Would you like me to help you too?" He stared at her. "I'm Dawn. My sister's a slayer." She smiled. "I'm the super assistant sort for Stark. Including guarding his kids." He nodded slowly. "I can help you remember who you were and all that."
"No, you can't," he said.
"I can."
"It's blocked."
"Dear, I'm better than a lot of people," she said dryly, smiling at him. "We can open some of it in a few different ways." Calia rolled out with a yawn, handing something to her. "You sure?"
"Yeah. It'll uncompress things. He'll probably end up yelling as they come out suddenly. Like a flood," she said at the look her way. "It's like my neuro bridge only it works on compressed memories." She smiled. "We're helpful and protective sorts. Sit, let me put this on your temple." Dawn cast a silencing spell around them while Calia hooked it up. Bucky had probably been slightly sedated so that could help them. Calia turned it on and Bucky did scream as the uncompression happened. He finally panted, clutching his knees.
Dawn waved her back and turned off the bridge, looking at him. "Hey."
"You weren't joking about that hurting," he said in Russian.
Dawn smiled. "Thankfully I learned Russian from Natasha."
He looked at her. "Good accent."
"Thank you," she said in English. He relaxed. "Are you fully back? Do you remember being Bucky as a kid?"
He shook his head. "I remember some. Which was a lot more than I had."
"Are you going to start swearing allegiance to HYDRA? Because if so, I'm going to have to shoot you in the nuts," Calia said.
"No. They're wrong. So wrong," he said.
"Good," Dawn agreed, getting him a damp washcloth to clean the sweat off with. "You can stay here or you can go try to rescue the ones that got captured by HYDRA."
"I'll...."
"We could use you here," Calia said. "They want me extra hard because they see the chair as a weakness but know I'm just as smart as my father. Plus my little brother is catching up to us. As you can see, Auntie Dawn's not in the best physical condition at the moment."
He swallowed. "I can help protect you." He looked at Dawn's stomach. "Soon?"
"Two months, but it's triplets."
"Ow." He stood up. "Let me..." He looked around, spotting the staring kid. "Which one are you?"
"Philip," Dawn said without having to look. "My oldest." Bucky nodded, swallowing hard. Calia held up the bridge, letting him take it and go into the bathroom to see if he could get the rest back. It'd hurt but he'd be better. Steve needed him to be better.
Dawn looked at her niece and son. "How many do you have pulled out?"
"Enough that if they come here, they're going to be sorry," she said. "Plus some stuff even Dad hasn't seen yet. Even JARVIS hasn't seen it yet." She rolled back into her room. "Come cuddle, Philip." He ran after her to cuddle her. Dawn could take watch for now.
***
Chaos, Magnified.