A few days later, Xander opened up the house's door, staring at the older guy waiting there. "Who're you?" the guy demanded, glaring at him.
"I was about to ask the same thing since I don't think many of the girls would date someone your age." He stared at him. "Are you an agent or with the local department?"
"I'm ....you've never seen my movies?"
"No, not too many of them in Africa, dude." He smirked a tiny bit. "I'm the head hunter of the group, the one training slayers in Africa until Giles needed to go home. Andrew? Sarah?"
They both came out there. "Oh, it's you, Bradlin," she said, smiling and shaking his hand. "He's following a few of us on patrol to learn how to hunt," she told Xander with a grin. "It's for a role and the other girls liked to ask him questions about the tabloid stuff."
"Well, we do have patrol tonight," Xander said, looking at her. "I think it's you, me, and Elisa?" She nodded but Andrew huffed. "Sorry, 'Drew. Did you need Elisa tonight?"
"She's going to be cranky, Xander."
Xander gave him a bored look. "I've seen how many cranky slayers?" he asked dryly. "Including Buffy?"
"Point. If anyone can deal with the cranky princess moment, you've seen them all." He walked off. "Elisa, you're leaving for patrol in twenty minutes and still need to look at the map!" he yelled. "Xander remade the routes!"
"Too standard means people can find you easier," Xander quipped. "I guess it's okay as long as Sarah doesn't mind," he decided, letting the actor guy in. "Sarah, we have three areas we have to hit tonight."
"Three?" she asked. "Big problems?"
He stared at her. "It'll probably be a Sunnydale level patrol," he said. "Three hours. Six rising in two cemeteries and one huger issue."
"Oh, great. Let me go put on better patrol shoes." She looked at herself. "And jeans." She went up to change. "Elisa, we're hitting three spots tonight. Wear the comfy running shoes," she said as she walked past the younger slayer's doorway. "Xander's leaving in twenty minutes and he will drag you behind him in your jammies." She went into her shared room to change into jeans, a t-shirt, and running shoes, plus grabbed her weapons. She came down tucking the stakes into her pockets but Xander showed her how to use her belt loops for them and a few other places like her hair. Elisa came downstairs with a teenage girl sigh of displeasure. Xander swatted her but showed her the same things, plus handed her a crossbow.
"I suck at these," she warned, looking it over.
Xander stared at her. "Carry it over your shoulder by the strap anyway and pick up a short sword too," he said simply. "You each have weapons you're better with. Use what your strengths are. Each slayer is her own myth. Like a warrior goddess that men can actually drool on." He grinned. "Okay?" She nodded, getting a blade she liked. "That's a machete. I don't discourage using it but the length can be a liability in a fight. I taught all my former girls how to use one, and most knew how to cut with one in the field already, but sometimes you want a bit more length."
"I'm still working on figuring out swords, Xander," she complained in a near-whine.
He stared at her. "Then why are you on the trainee patrol roster?"
"Because some of the old liners are idiots," she said with a grin.
He nodded. "Yes, they are. Did you at least pass demonology three and through Faith on self defense?" She nodded. "Then we'll handle it and move you to my trainee class tomorrow afternoon. You, Sarah, and Jessica."
"She's on the rag," Sarah said. "No hope of getting her."
Xander nodded. "That's sometimes a huge concern for you guys. You all know they make birth control pills that can stop those, right?" he asked with a grin.
"Yeah," they said in unison, Sarah smiling at him.
"Good. I hate having to fear the midol bottle or teaching my kids to fear it." He looked around. "Andrew, do you have the kids?"
"Yup," he called from the kitchen. "You've got four hours."
"We can handle that." He pulled out the map to show them. "Based on newspaper incidents reported." They nodded, marking the routes with a finger. Xander detoured one. "Road work and we're driving between those three." They nodded. "Hit here, hit here, then finish up with the huge problem." They nodded and so did Bradlin so they left together. "Guys, in the trunk are extra blades and a few guns if we need them," he said as he drove them off. "There's a few higher demons you can shoot."
"Buffy hates guns," Elisa reminded him.
"Oh, I know. Wes tried to introduce the topic back when the Council had him take over." He rolled his eyes, making Elisa laugh since she was in the front with him. "Then she yelled at me for taking out a huge demon with a piece of artillery last year. That's why I never mailed in reports."
"I heard Giles complaining about that and Andrew reminded him why with a point at Willow during breakfast one day," Sarah said, smiling at Bradlin. "It took her six days to change him back from a kitten."
"It took her over a year to change Amy back from a rat," Xander said dryly. "I'm still not sure that her time as a rat wasn't why she went bad." The girls laughed. "It could be why she went to the magic dealer, which then ended up getting Willow hooked and into problems."
"Could be," Sarah agreed. "I don't know much about psychology."
"Unfortunately she does," Xander said as he parked the car at the cemetery. "Her parents were shrinks and she read all their books to me and Jesse." The girls groaned. He grinned at them. "Her parents were gone so often she had no idea where they were for *years* after they almost burned her on a pole thanks to demonic influences. They even missed all the so-called 'important girl moments' like the prom and graduation." He got out, herding the girls in front of him. "We have two raising here, ladies." They nodded, heading for the newer section of the cemetery. Bradlin kept up and had his own stakes so that was good. When a vampire pounced them out of nowhere, the actor did a good job of protecting himself but Xander still got it for him. That slaying and the other cemetery went well.
The problem came in the third location, with the bigger problem. At least twice as many demons as the local PD had heard were going to gather. Sacrificial victims, including a female officer and a few younger, preteen girls. Most of the demons had higher weapons than swords or claws for once. Xander looked at the girls. "Elisa, car, call," he said. She ran off, Sarah guarding her path when someone tried to interrupt it. Xander shot one of them. That blew their almost-cover of surprise but it had to happen to protect the young one. Xander looked at the demons. "No wonder I got asked to attend today."
One of the demons snorted. "You're not worthy to be here, Harris."
Xander shot him in the balls, making him scream but fall down whining. "Really? Ya think? I would've thought I had proved my worth more than once in Africa." A few laughed so he shot them too. A few of the demons rushed them. He and Sarah protected the actor, who was doing ...okay enough. "Bradlin, car," Xander ordered. He ran off, calling that in to 911. Elisa came out with the higher weapons, firing it on the demons.
Xander grinned at her. "Nice. Some warning though?" She ran over a few more cases, letting him and Sarah handle it. "Car, Elisa. Guard you both and any officers that show up." She nodded, running back, tripping once but Bradlin helped her. They fired on the main group. When more were down, he sent Sarah to free the victims and get them back to the car for now. Elisa could guard them with the actor guy while Xander kept the demons busy. It worked well until a much higher demon showed up.
"I wanted one of them," he complained.
"Fucking yay!" Xander complained back. "You can't do that on this realm. Or at least in this country. We don't like selling kids."
The demon shrugged. "Some still will."
"Yeah, some parents are horrible," Xander said dryly. "Since you're being thwarted, why don't you go home?"
"I'm not being thwarted." Xander shot him a few times, making him shriek in pain. "You little shit," the demon sneered, letting his healing work. Xander kept shooting until he ran out of bullets. It took longer for the healing to happen but it was happening as the other demons tried to protect him. Sarah managed to get all the kids free and got them to Elisa. One of the demons threw a dagger at her, hitting her on the hip. Bradlin fired on it until it finally died while Elisa pulled her to the car.
Xander pulled something out of his pocket then nodded and activated it before tossing it at the demons. It went off, making them scream as the modified holy water bomb dissolved half of them. The big guy, still there and now madder. The others were more injured. Xander got most of them down but he was getting more injured every few minutes. Finally it was him and the big demon. "So, still here?"
"I should say the same thing, Harris. You're not worthy of me fighting but I suppose I can lower my standards this time."
Xander grinned, wiping some blood off his split lip. "I was thinking the same thing. Now, Sarah!" She threw something at them. Xander scooped it up and threw it on the demon, making him scream and writhe on the ground as the acid ate through him. Xander beheaded it then chopped the various parts off the main torso. Then he chopped that in half, stepping back to wipe off the sweat and blood. "Okay. Let's make sure he can't revive. Let's burn him."
"Cops do that for us," Elisa called. She looked at the officers who had shown up.
"Yeah, we have a fire department team to do that for you ladies," one of the officers said. He waved the paramedics over now that it was safer. "Get the hunter guy."
Xander limped back, waving them off. "Get the kids first. I can do my own at the house." He stared at the slayers. "You two get treated too." They nodded. "Take Bradlin. I'll have Andrew come pick you guys up?" They nodded and the slayers were loaded in with the victims. Xander looked at the staring actor. "I don't let anyone do medical stuff for me." He got into the car, driving off once the ambulances had left with everyone else.
Sarah looked at the staring officer with them. "Xander was with Buffy in Sunnydale. Then he went to be our trainer in Africa because none of the rest of us could live that rough."
The officer nodded. "I've seen how tough he is but that's really...wow."
"Yeah, usually he uses an axe," Elisa said with a small shrug. She only had a few bruises but the kids were clinging to her. "He did some stuff in Africa that made Buffy scream about normal guys. Again."
The officer shook his head. "Guys like him aren't normal."
"You don't know Buffy that well," Sarah quipped. "Anyone who's not gifted in some way or a werewolf is considered normal."
The officer shook his head. "She's in London with Mr. Giles?" They nodded. "Well, hopefully someone over there will show her about real normal people instead of what she considers normal." They shook their heads. "They might."
"It's been going on since their senior year," Sarah said dryly. "Her and Willow both."
The officer nodded. "Plus the HYDRA guys used him to make kids for future soldiers without telling him," Elisa said. "Rumors said that some group in Africa found the kids in the lab and called Xander a few months ago."
Sarah nodded. "He's a really overprotective dad too. When some guy tried to blow us up for daring to get the kids new clothes, a lot of you guys showed up to make Xander give the idiot to them instead of using him as a toy."
Elisa shuddered. "I saw that from the window. Xander went *off* on the idiot. That was after he upped all the security at the school and at the house." Sarah nodded. "But the kids are cute little mess monsters."
"Sarcastic little messy monsters," Sarah said with a smile for her. "But they're sweet enough to make me want one some year far in the future."
"Arlin is a little heathen but he follows you like you're his favorite goddess," Elisa told her.
"I have kitty pictures. He likes kitties."
"Ah." Elisa nodded. "I've seen them love Willow's cat she conveniently forgot. The poor thing is still hiding from them in the pantry or on top of the dryer since they can't see on top of it yet."
"Xander said earlier he's getting them all stuffed friends to spare the cat's fur," Sarah said dryly. Elisa smiled at her. "You could probably go with them to pick them out."
"I could. I could use some shopping."
"Watch out for the idiots who hate us. He and I ran into a few when we were getting the kids clothes. The store overcharged us and all that great stuff."
"Great," Elisa said dryly. "I can guard our backs if he can't. Or help with the kids." She smiled at the ones clinging to her. "It's okay, guys. We'll deal with it and protect you guys. That's what slayers do." They smiled at her and relaxed again, one sucking her thumb. She looked at the officer. "So...protocol when we get there?"
"I'll call a social worker I trust and an older female officer to come help us." He looked at the other ambulance that was behind them then at her. "Also someone to come take statements from the older victims." He smiled. "You two can get anything you need fixed up while we're in one room. The kids will feel safer with you there."
"That's fine."
"Why doesn't Harris go to the ER?" he asked.
"Well, there's mermaid taint," Sarah said, making the officer give her an odd look. "He got exposed back in high school trying to figure out why some of the swim team were changing according to the Sunnydale stories the others told us. Also, Xander hates doctors. Apparently his parents were worthless piles of flaming excrement and Willow used to play nurse when he needed stitches."
The officer nodded. "We have social workers for parents like that here."
"Thankfully, Xander's not like his," Sarah quipped with a grin.
"That's actually a great thing. It means he'll be supportive of you ladies as well." They grinned at him. The ambulance turned a corner. "We're at the hospital." The ambulance started to back up. "I'll get out first and help lead the kids in." The slayers nodded, letting him hop out with the paramedic to hand out the kids to them. Nurses came out to help. "They were almost sacrificial victims but these two nice slayers and their trainer got there in time. There's another ambulance of them."
"Is he there?"
"Xander ignores the fact that hospitals exist unless he has malaria or something," Sarah quipped. "He does his own stitches." The nurses all grimaced but they were like that. That's why they were nurses. They got the kids and others into the bigger exam room so they could help with the kids. A few doctors came in. Bradlin was letting one of the girls cry on him but the nurses let him handle it for now. Sarah smiled at him. "You're good," she said quietly.
"She's sweet and needs it." He looked at her. "You ladies do insane things." The slayer nodded, smiling at him. "Thanks."
"Not a problem," Sarah quipped. "We need people to know that we're just normal girls with a really bad calling." Bradlin smiled at her. "Maybe it'll help us when we try to date."
"Boys aren't ready for girls as strong as you two yet but when they're older they'll be more ready."
"We'd get yelled at for dating college guys," Elisa said dryly, shaking her head. "Xander would complain a lot."
"Only if you're underage," Sarah said. "As long as we're at least sixteen and there's not a huge age gap, like he's thirty, we're good with Xander. He only gets mad at the people who married off his baby slayers to really old guys. He stomped on one until that old guy begged for mercy from the Goddess and his god. But the mini slayer was only ten and he was almost seventy."
The nearest nurse shuddered. "Guys like that need a good dose of God's foot up their behinds." The slayers grinned at her. "Even in places where things like that happen it's too big of an age gap." Sarah nodded. She got done with the young girl she was helping and stepped back. "There, princess, all better. Okay?" She nodded, taking Elisa's hand back. "Sure, you hang onto the slayer. She's a good girl to protect you until someone else can." She ruffled her hair. "Good girl." She went to help with Sarah's injuries. "Huge fight?"
"We used artillery and it still didn't fully work," she sighed.
The nurse nodded. "Damn."
"Basically, yeah," she sighed, curling up some. "Xander finished the fight while I got the kids out of the way to Elisa. She was on a training patrol with Bradlin, who was learning how to be a hunter."
The nurse looked at the actor then at her. "At least he's the helpful sort."
"He helped a lot. He protected the kids. He helped by firing on some of the demons to keep them off me."
"That's great." She helped the older slayer out of her t-shirt to see the few cuts she had healing. "Looks like we can do a few strips and stitch the really deep one so it heals properly without too much of a scar." Sarah smiled at her. "Let me get the doctor to do that." He came over at that mention to look, getting to work on the closing up.
By the time Andrew got there, the social workers had descended with a few older officers who looked like they could be grandparents. The kids went with them when Elisa encouraged it and showed them they'd be safe with them. They'd handle it and the officers had all the statements they'd need. They got back to the house, finding Xander finishing up his stitches with the kids staring at him like he was doing mystical things.
"Is that really good for them to see?" Sarah asked.
"They fussed until I let them see. I guess me being injured freaked them out some," Xander said, looking up before finishing the last few stitches. "There. All better, guys." They came over to pat him then went to pat Sarah and Andrew. Who hugged them. They ran off giggling for the kitchen. "Bedtime," Xander called. "Time for baths." The kids squealed, heading to crawl up the stairs. They loved their baths since Andrew and Sarah had shown them toys and bubbles. "Wait for me," he called, cleaning up his mess and hurrying after them. He could already hear the water running.
Andrew smiled at the girls. "Go get a treat, do your reports." They sighed but went to get cake and ice cream on their way to the office area to report to Giles. Since Giles was in his drinking part of the day, he was not amused but didn't yell about it.
***
Andrew looked at Xander the next morning. "What about a nanny?" he asked when Xander had his first cup of coffee.
Xander stared at him. "I can figure out a paid babysitter for patrol nights," he promised. "Sorry, Andrew."
"You can pay me, I need more allowance," one of the younger slayers called. She popped in, bouncing the whole way with a manic grin. "I really could use more allowance."
Xander looked at her. "You're ten. By law you have to be at least thirteen to babysit in this state."
"Shit," she muttered, getting glared at by Xander and swatted by Andrew. "Sorry for my language. I'm a bad influence on the babies."
Xander snorted. "The kids will know it soon enough I'm sure. Not like I haven't sworn a lot since I got them." He and the slayer shared a look. "We'll see about limited helping roles that get you paid chocolate money." She squealed as she pounced him to hug.
"Mine!" Arlin shouted, pushing at her. "Mine!"
"Yes he is, sweetheart," she cooed, hugging him too. "He's your daddy." She strolled off to tell the others that Xander was offering paid babysitting hours. A few more volunteered. They were good with the kids and it made Andrew happier too.
***
Tony Stark was watching his daughter when a battle came up thanks to an idiot bad guy with ideas. So he was out defending the tower in his suit when he got a panicked call from Pepper that Joyceline was trying to get outside to help. He had enough time to look down, then groan and fly down to grab his daughter.
Joyceline smiled up at the bad guy. "Shiny."
He stared down at her. "What are you doing here, child?" he demanded.
"Shiny you. Good boy?"
"No, I am not."
"Still good to be shiny." She smiled, patting his armor. "Shiny pretty. Boomies?"
"No, I don't have weapons," he said, scowling at her. "What are you doing and why do you have that weapon!" he shouted.
"Sorry, she got away from Pepper," Tony called as he swooped in to scoop her up, tossing the armed weapon to Clint to use while he took her back to the tower. "Joyceline, we're going to have a talk in a few minutes, dear," he said stiffly. "You can't do that!"
She giggled. "Flying shinies!" she squealed, waving her arms around. "Cool!"
He groaned, handing her to Pepper. "I don't know," he complained.
Xander appeared, taking his daughter to look at. "Not. Good." She pouted. "Tough. The only bad guys you can pet for being shiny are the ones I date, Joyceline!" He glared at the laughing bad guy. He pulled something out of his pocket and threw it at Steve. "Set it off, Rogers. He'll give my precious baby girl the wrong idea about shiny things. I only want her to have the weapons I have, not steal others." He took the two from her, handing them to Pepper.
"I had her in the safe room, Xander. It was in there to help me protect us."
He nodded. "She's a lot like Jesse, my mini me only female." He looked up and they disappeared.
Stark shook his head. "She's a bit warped."
"She is," Pepper agreed. The bad guy was laughing until Steve set off that weapon and made him magnetized. It attracted his shiny armor to the nearest large metallic surface. It was cute how the bad guy squealed as the bigger bit of metal in a building attracted him, making him fly through the air. Pepper walked off shaking her head, already starting an apology email to Xander.
Stark looked at the bad guy. "At least she liked the armor and weapons," he said.
Steve looked at him. "Joyceline is a bit warped, Stark."
"I don't think that's *my* fault."
"We can babysit more often so she's more average," Clint called, coming down. Stark took the weapon to turn off, flying off shaking his head. Clint grinned at Steve. "It's good she likes what her dad likes."
"It is. Maybe I'll help her learn how to read." He walked off shaking his head. He ignored the awed reporters too. That may cause a problem.
Clint avoided them by going inside with Natasha, who was still laughing about the swearing villain who could not get himself unstuck. They were still scared of Natasha.
***
Andrew came out the next morning to get the newspapers, shaking his head at the reporters. "No comment, people."
"That guy works here," one reporter called.
Xander leaned out, smirking and waving. "I'm the guy that was training girls off-site. Now I'm the head one here. I'm a bit paranoid and love weapons. Do you really want to bother me before coffee?" Most of them ran off. "Nice choice, people." He went back inside.
Andrew shook his head, going inside to start making muffins to go with Xander's coffee. He was scrambling eggs for the staring kids. It was then that Andrew decided he was going to get the kids hyped on super sugar and make Xander do goofy things all day while wearing out the bad urges.
***
Pepper looked at the reporter ambushing her on the way to a lunch date with an old friend, glaring at them behind her sunglasses. "Yes?" she asked politely.
"Who was that young girl?"
"That was Joyceline Harris. Unfortunately she managed to get away from me in the safe room. We've since helped her father talk to her about sneaking off."
"Is she also Stark's kid? She looks a lot like him."
"If you can find Tony, you can ask him that," she said dryly, walking around them.
"How did two fathers have a kid since I know Stark's not gay with the all the bimbos he dated, excluding you of course?" The reporter ran to follow her.
"No comment."
"So she is Stark's?"
"No comment on that either. If you must know, there were HYDRA agents involved." She shot them a look. "They thought she'd be an *excellent* future agent." She smirked. "Her father is *very* paranoid about her safety."
"He probably should be. Any idea if whoever made her gave her ...gifts?"
"No. She's perfectly normal." She shot her a glare. "I was only babysitting as a favor." She walked into the restaurant.
The reporter smiled at her camera guy, who smirked back. They were HYDRA and now they knew where the kids had come from. They were a priority to get back into custody. They shared that information but the HYDRA agents in Cleveland had been arrested after trying for the mini slayers at school. What was left of them anyway. So apparently Harris was a target they had underestimated.
***
Xander looked at the officer who was responding to his mess making for the second time. "I don't know why they decided to try to take out a slayer. I don't really care why HYDRA was trying to take out a slayer," he said dryly. "But I'll be fucking damned."
The agent on the ground groaned, looking up at him. "We'll get them all back and train the girls so they're proper warriors."
Xander stared down at him. "If I wanted them trained that way, I'd ask a favor from Lord Thor to find us a trainer," he said dryly. "You can see I'm not. The slayers are like normal girls with normal girl choices outside of their forecalled duties. It's up to them if they want to go on patrol or just protect their families. Not everyone should be in battles. Beyond that, the one you tried to capture is way too young to make that choice. She's not sixteen yet. She's not even eligible for training. So bug the fuck off before I finish taking out all of HYDRA to make my slayers and kids safer."
The officer cleared his throat. "We can help, Mr. Harris."
Xander grinned. "Sure, you can start with this one and the one staring at us." He pointed at the supposed reporter. Then he threw a knife at her, making her scream as it hit her as she turned. "No more HYDRA agents," he said in a sing-song voice with a grin. "Had enough, people. Watch me call in poker debts to eat all of you."
A small demon showed up, patting him on the knee. "Xander, we could easily do that but we owe you kittens, not the other way around. Why would you give us souls?"
Xander grinned down at him. "Because they're threatening my kids and the slayers. Fuck them."
The demon beamed. "There's many that would love to do just that in punishment. I will suggest that they get them to make deals." He grinned at the officer before disappearing with the reporter.
Xander grinned at the officer. "Unlike some of the old liners at the Council, I grew up in Sunnydale. I have this little expediency switch that means I'll solve a bitch." He walked off. "I need to get the kids new clothes. Have fun, Officer." He went into the store.
The officer called that in. His boss, so not amused. The higher ups, very not amused later when they heard. But slightly amused that Xander was keeping bad people out of their city. They decided it would keep the city safer and he'd protect those kids so they only had to watch over them. One found the video of Joyceline petting the villain and shared it with that officer and others. It figured she was Harris' daughter. She was a lot like him.
***
Xander woke up a few weeks later, blinking at the people staring at him. "You're so fucked up," he noted dryly.
"You can't get any help here, Mr. Harris," the woman said with a sneer.
"Really?"
"We've blocked the coven." Xander touched his emergency tattoo. No answer. She smirked. "We've also blocked off demons."
"Hmm. Small problem with that. See, not all demons are like the others." He sent out a call. A demon showed up. "I'm calling in my debt." The woman was yelling into her communication earpiece. Xander grinned at her. Then at him. "Do they have the kids?" The demon nodded, wincing some. "I don't care how you do it, but I want me, the kids, any victims all out of here. Please."
"Will this cancel all my debts to you since I owe you two?"
"Sure," Xander agreed with a grin. "As long as the kids are safe. Can we get to the house or to Stark?"
The demon nodded, calling others he owed debts to. "Harris has gifted me a way to pay you all as long as he, his children, and any non HYDRA are removed from here."
"There's babies," one said with a sniff.
"The embryos?" Xander asked. "The pre-born?"
"Yes. Those."
Xander nodded. "Can we remove them with me and the kids and any victims? Anyone non-HYDRA or only supposedly HYDRA?" The demons looked at each other and nodded, going hunting. The first one got him free. "Thank you, Merle."
"Welcome, Harris. We appreciate you joining with the slayers."
Xander leaned down to smile at him. "I'm glad I could help take these ones out sooner."
The demon blinked. "What?"
"I'm the same Xander that was with Buffy in Sunnydale, Merle. You didn't realize that?"
The demon's eyes went wide. "No, I had not. We owe you a debt for helping save us all." He patted him on the hand. "I will make sure you and all those not HYDRA are taken to Stark. The house on the hellmouth has too many protections." A demon came in carrying a basket with kids. "Oh, dear." He sniffed them. "One smells like you, Knight."
Xander looked. "Does she smell like Andrew?"
Merle shrugged. "I have not scented Andrew recently. It could be." Andrew appeared. He sniffed him then nodded. "She does. The others smell of others."
"Mothers?" Xander asked, handing his kids to Andrew when they were brought in.
"The birthing method that the Initiative created," he said with a grimace.
Xander nodded, patting him on the arm. "Thank you. This one, right?" He nodded. "Who's the little princess of chaos, baby girl? Come to Daddy, sweetie."
Andrew blinked. "She is?" he demanded.
"HYDRA took the embryos," Xander said. He let him see her. "She's adorable."
"She is," Andrew said, taking her to cuddle. "You're so cute!" he cooed with a grin. "My little one. We'll make sure you're less insane than Jesse and Joyceline are." Xander laughed. "So...."
Xander shrugged. "I woke up tied up. I called in Merle's debt and he called in others." The original woman was cowering in a corner while two demons discussed whether she was fit to be eaten or not.
"Great," Andrew agreed, grinning at Merle. "Thanks, Merle."
"You're welcome, Andrew. Let us move you."
Xander moved to the computer in there, calling someone when he found his phone. "Ms. Potts, can you put me on with JARVIS please?" She said she didn't know how to do that but JARVIS came on the line saying he was there. "JARVIS, HYDRA took me and the kids, plus made some more. I'm here with their computer and I know your pet human could use the files. Exactly. Actually, they're hooked up because they Skype," he said with a grin, turning that on and inputting the number. "Yeah, that's me." He smiled at the 'I'm downloading it' answer. "Thanks. Oh, thank you for that college fund thing too. I hadn't gotten around to it. Yup, we need a place to appear there at the tower with me, the kids, Andrew, the three new babies, and the embryos. And possibly some supposedly and non-HYDRA people." The image of an open room showed up. "How many embryo containers?" he called.
"Six large cryogenic containers," a male voice called.
"Six, JARVIS. Thank you. We'll be there soon." He hung up. "Okay, that's the lab."
The demons looked then nodded, taking him with the babies, then the kids showed up with Andrew. Then the non-HYDRA or the supposedly HYDRA, then the embryo containers. "Welcome, Harris, and thank you for letting us pay this way," one said, kissing him on the cheek. Xander grinned back. "The new one is cute." He kissed Andrew as well before disappearing.
"'Drew, let me plug these in," Xander said, moving to do that.
Andrew sat on the floor, holding the babies. "Hi, guys. It's okay, you're safe now and we'll figure out your new families."
"Shiny!" Joyceline declared, holding it up. "Daddy, shiny?"
"That's a screwdriver, you can play with it," he said after looking at her. She grinned, waving it around. "Don't stab your brothers." She was trying to stab Arlin so he glared. "Corner," he said with a point. "No stabbing your brother." She sniffled but went to sit in the corner, facing them. He got up, walking over to turn her around. "You sit in the corner this way." He went back to plugging things in as Stark came in with guards. "Two more to plug in, Stark."
"The embryos they took off SHIELD?" he asked, getting a nod from Andrew. "How did those three come to be?"
"The Initiative made something to let them come into being," Andrew said. "I have no idea who the other two belong to. One of the demons said that this one smells like me and Xander." Xander grinned at him. "She'll definitely be a princess of chaos. How long is Joyceline in there?"
"About five minutes. She'll forget why she's there and wander off."
"Daddy, shiny?" Arlin asked, holding up something with a grin.
"That's a shiny wrench, you can play with that," Xander said, patting him on the head. "Don't hurt the other kids with it." He sat down to fiddle with it, seeing how it shined in the light. Joyceline got up and wandered off, sucking on the end of the screwdriver. She poked a few people with it, making them get out of her way. "Stay in here please, Joy."
"Pepper!" she shouted.
"She can come see you in here."
"She's on her way down," Stark said. His daughter squealed and pounced him to cuddle. "I like you too, Joy." She grinned, cuddling him, waving at Andrew. "That's Andrew, he's a nice guy." She nodded, getting down to hug him and coo at the baby, showing off the screwdriver she had found.
"It's a great screwdriver," Andrew promised, giving her a hug.
Pepper came in with a few more people. "Let's clear the HYDRA people."
"Some are supposedly HYDRA, some are kinda HYDRA," Xander said, standing up. "I can't get that one plugged in, it's got a weird one." Tony took over to look at it and got an adapter in. "Oh, okay. I was never in Europe." He shrugged, looking at the people. One was wincing. He shrugged. "Oh, there's one that should help."
"She started to work in our security department," Pepper said with a grin for him. "Thank you, Xander."
"Not like I wanted to be there." He shrugged, looking at the kids. "Did they bring diapers for the little ones?" Andrew pointed at them. "Let me change that middle one." He settled in to do that.
"Where did the kids come from?" one of the men demanded.
Xander looked up at him, making him step back with a moan. "HYDRA made me kids. They wanted future soldiers." He grinned, waving a hand at his kids. "They apparently activated one of the embryos they had in storage to give me another one. The other two, no idea yet." He waved a hand at the containment units. "They stole those from whoever had gotten them from the agents who rescued them from the lab someone found my kids in for me."
"SHIELD had them," Maria Hill said. "Take all these adults to a conference room and watch them," she ordered. "I'll sort them in a minute." She looked at the kids. "They're getting older."
"No!" Arlin said, shaking his head. "Not old!"
"Getting older means you're about to have a birthday," Xander said.
"Like Mirry?" Joy asked.
"Yes, just like Amira. You have a birthday to get older. That means you grow up and can do things for yourself without me nagging you." He patted them on the head. "Good kids. Thank you for being quiet and calm." They grinned, digging into the toolbox again. Xander looked at the kids. Andrew had their daughter. The other two were both boys. "No idea who they came from, Hill. The demons that came to help for payment of debts said they used something the Initiative created to have them born."
"You owed a debt?" the other new guy asked dryly.
Xander stared at him. "No, the original one owed me. I called it in so he could evacuate me and the kids. He called others he owed to help him." He grinned at the shudder. "Exactly." He looked at Hill again. "One of them said that she smelled like me and Andrew."
She nodded. "We can test that and the new two."
"They had some weapons Paulo had. Joy started to grab one until Andrew stopped her. It was probably part of their self destruct." She looked up at her name. "Show off the shiny thing you grabbed." She waved the screwdriver. "The other one." She pulled it out of her shirt to show off, cooing at it.
"That's a beautiful shiny egg weapon, sweetheart," Pepper said. "Can I have it? Daddy Tony will want to see it." She ran it over to Tony, who smiled and hugged her but kept the weapon, handing her another shiny tool for it. She ran back to show her brothers.
"I have no idea what's happened to Paulo," Maria Hill said. "I'll look into that when I find out which ones were on assignment and which weren't." She walked off. "Can we run the DNA here?"
"Yes," the new guy said. "I can do that."
"Thank you, Bruce," Pepper said. "I need to make sure neither one are Tony's."
"They'd probably want warriors," Andrew said. "His kids will be strong in the self-defense stuff at least. If he can't make sure of it I will, and possibly teach them defensive magic if I need to."
Xander nodded, pointing at one kid. "He's got magic, 'Drew."
"I can work on that," he promised, smiling at Arlin. "He likes to help me in the kitchen anyway."
"He gives happy squeals at laundry," Xander said dryly. He took the baby to change, handing her back when Andrew pouted. "Sure, you can hold her for now. We'll work on her room later. Is she sharing with Joyceline?"
"No. She can share the nursery with Jackie."
"I can do that," Xander agreed. "She's a good sleeper and not too fussy so they should get along well."
Pepper smiled. "There's babies at the Council house?"
"Her mother handed her over while running from her family minister, her father, and her ex-husband," Xander said dryly, giving her a look. "They decided the baby was evil and was going to fix that for her."
"Apparently they're like that church in Kansas," Andrew said with a small shrug. "The baby's with us while she's in hiding and the FBI is working on things. She Skypes the baby every few days."
"That's safer," Pepper agreed, helping Tony up when he groaned. "They're safe?"
"Yeah. They have a backup power supply so they're still probably good. I know this wasn't all of the embryos."
Xander nodded. "The FBI agents took something like fifty of those out of the original lab," he said.
"I heard." He looked at the kids. "They're adorable. The other two?"
"I'm assuming that the other kids they found with mine were handed to at least a parent," he said. "If we can find parents on these, we can do the same thing. Right?"
"We can," Pepper agreed, smiling at him. "I'd definitely suggest it's the best idea." She cooed at the babies. "Bruce, can you take the DNA swabs?"
"Of course." He walked off, coming back with swabs to take them from all three of the babies. "Are you two in any system?"
Xander nodded. "Someone in the US government took mine for some reason and then hated that it started a virus in their system that ate it all. Want a new one?" Bruce nodded, taking the swab of his mouth. Andrew let him do his too. "Okay. We'll be right here with the kids. That way we don't have to come back for her. If that's okay?" he asked Stark.
"You can come upstairs."
"I seem to freak out some of your friends," he said dryly. "Especially after our daughter went to pet the bad guy."
"Fuck it," Tony said. "It's fine. Bring the kids. They'll love to pounce Steve. He's got his shield out to work on a few scratches." The kids all got herded to the elevator while Xander and Andrew got the three babies plus diaper bag. He came off the elevator, watching as the kids ran over to 'help' Steve. "HYDRA captured them but Xander got them free by calling in a poker debt, who got a lot of friends in to help them."
"Great," he said, smiling and patting the kids on the head. "I don't need tools but you can help me shine it if you want." He held up the cloth. Jesse took it to wipe the shield, making the others fight to help. He got a few other cloths for them. That made them happy, even if Joyceline was sucking on the end of her screwdriver again.
Xander sat on the floor with the two boys in their carrier basket. "Be nice," he warned. The kids quit pushing each other. "Thank you." He grinned at Steve. "Sorry. We found out they made more."
"That's a great reason to show up here, Xander." He grinned at the kids. Tony came over to help the quad while he looked at the babies. "Any idea on these?"
"We think she's ours," he said with a point at Andrew. "These two little guys no idea."
"Dr. Banner took swabs," Andrew said. "I'm a huge admirer of his more recent work. It leads back to a great bit of organic magic."
Steve smiled. "You can do magic like that one redhead?"
"No, I have control and no addiction to my skills," Andrew said dryly, smiling at him. "But I can do smaller things. She's the shiny torchbearer of magic. I'm one of the guys who goes 'eeeh, if I need it I can do something'."
"He's a home prepper in that analogy," Xander quipped. Clint came out, staring at the kids. "HYDRA somehow got me. I was out getting stuff for their upcoming birthday."
"Birthday us?" Jesse asked, eyes wide. Xander smiled and nodded. "Wow." He hugged him. "Shiny!" He got free and went back to 'cleaning' the shield.
Xander looked. "Joyceline!" he called. "Where are you?" He heard the giggle and sighed, getting up.
"Let me," Steve said, getting up to find her. He took her out of the kitchen and brought her back. "She was making the fridge shiny."
"She's very good at it but she knows not to sneak off," Xander said, staring at her. "Stay with us, like we do in the park." She pouted but sat on Andrew's knees to stare at the baby. Andrew moved her but helped her move closer so she could see the baby.
Stark came out of the bathroom shaking his head. "Three agents undercover."
"Sorry but it's not nice to let them die of it too," Xander said.
"True. Hill has the others under arrest and Coulson coming to deal with them." He settled down, looking at his daughter. "That's a baby. You were that size once."
"Not shiny," she said.
"No, babies aren't shiny," he agreed. "You're so smart." She giggled, moving to hug him then getting up to wander off.
"Stay with us, like when we're in the park," Xander called. "If I have to get up, you're going back in the corner."
"She should be fine," Stark said.
Xander looked at him. "She's going looking for weapons, Stark. She loves weapons in case you haven't seen that. We woke up the other morning to her giggling in the armory while plucking at the crossbows."
Clint walked off, coming back with her and his bow. The boys squealed and came over to come see this new weapon. She smiled and sat in his lap to get a whole side to herself. "Sure, I can be a baby seat," Clint said. Xander shook his head with a sigh. "She's fine, Harris."
"If you're sure. I don't want her to be an annoyance."
"She'll never be like those kids you stare at in the mall," Tony said. "Pepper wouldn't allow it."
Xander grinned. "I'm hoping the others don't start that either. Jesse has a wandering urge. Arlin is trying to figure out boobs recently. Henry's been awfully sleepy so he's going to the baby doctor tomorrow."
Joyceline stared over at them. "Baby good boy?" she asked.
"She's a good girl," Andrew said. "This one's a girl, like you are."
She scowled. "Girl? No, girl!"
Xander shook his head. "You are a girl, Joy. Like the slayers, you're a girl and your brothers are boys. That's why they wear the different diapers."
She pouted. "Not a girl!"
Tony smiled. "We like you being a girl. It doesn't mean you can't play with the same toys and all that stuff."
She pouted. "Girls mean."
"No, I stop mean girls. You'll never be a mean girl," Xander promised, smiling at her. "You're a good girl." She grinned and nodded. "Modest too, dear. Thank the uncle for letting you play with his bow."
She turned to hug him. "Good boy you."
"Thanks, Joyceline." She turned back around, making him wince when she kicked him in the painful spot but she was happy petting his bow.
Stark got an email. "The little girl does come up as you two's. Bruce ran her first."
"That's cool. She's our princess of future chaos. She'll be the next female president."
"If someone like the really strong lady here with you guys doesn't want it," Andrew added with a grin for Clint.
"She's foreign born, so not eligible." Tony shrugged. "Otherwise I'd back her."
Xander pulled out his phone, tapping the 'speaker' key. "What's up?" He took the two boys to check their diapers and change.
"Please hold for the President, sir," a female voice said.
Xander stared at the phone then at Stark, who shrugged. He had no idea. "Any clue?"
"Arlin's other father is NCIS," Tony said. "Looking into his files, he's been so busy recently he hasn't gotten to go home most nights."
"That does suck," Xander said. "I was going to introduce him to Arlin soon."
A male voice cleared his throat from the phone. "If you're talking about Agent DiNozzo, he threw a fit at his new director to get time off. He'll be in Cleveland tomorrow."
"We might be back there by then," Xander said. "If we're not needed up here about the HYDRA douchebags that kidnaped me and the kids, and made more kids."
"That's why I'm calling. I heard from a former birdie at SHIELD that they had captured you."
"No idea why," Xander admitted. "I woke up to her sneering they had blocked off all manners of getting myself free. They had blocked off magic but not all demons, because that's almost impossible."
"Why?" Tony asked.
"According to the histories the old Council kept, demons were here first. They used to use early humans as toys. That's why some guys back then created the slayer line. Then the old demon courts got defeated and had to go into hiding. There's still some species that're off those old ones but there's also thousands of realms that demons can come from."
"So they couldn't block off all those resonances," Andrew finished. Xander nodded. "That makes sense. Merle, the one that got me, he's from a crossbreeding that made a new species from a few that were already down here."
"They are as far as I've heard," Xander agreed.
The president coughed. "That makes more sense. Is there anything left of that base?"
"I called Merle to help me get free since he owed me two debts, and if the kids were there them too. He called a few demons he owed debts to. I have no idea what they did to them. I don't really care to be honest. Bad guys get bad things. Especially since they were making new kids so Andrew and mine's daughter got born."
"We're still waiting to see who the other two new ones belong to," Tony said. "It'll take a few more hours since we'll have to search databases if we didn't get files."
Xander grinned. "I asked JARVIS to see if he could do that for you. I figured someone would want to and they had computers hooked up because they were Skyping."
Tony nodded. "I know he got something. I haven't been through it yet. Maria Hill hired on with Stark security so she's questioning the ones that came back with Harris and Wells."
"Me?" Jesse asked, grinning at Tony.
"And you guys too," he promised with a smile. He patted him on the head. "You're being a good boy."
"Yup," he agreed, pouncing Clint to hug. "Shiny more?"
"I don't have too many other shiny things, Jesse." He undid his holster so Clint had to grab it. "Let me disarm it." He did that, letting them have that and his knife still in the sheathe. Xander shook his head so he put the knife back up. "Sorry."
"Jesse would pull it and stab someone showing it off. He did that with a spoon the other day."
Andrew grinned into the baby's head. "I was showing him how to scoop ice cream," he mouthed.
Clint grinned. "Kids like that stuff."
The president cleared his throat again. "Any idea why they wanted you, Mr. Harris?"
"I'm still wondering why a tenth of all those embryos they made were half me," he said dryly.
"That's a good question to ask," Tony agreed, sending that message to someone. "We have six supposedly HYDRA agents in holding for someone, sir," he said. "They're not fully with the program any longer so the demons didn't peg them."
"Great," the president said. "Is an agent coming to get them?"
"Yes, Maria Hill called someone," Tony said, getting a message back. He hummed. "Skye got into something that showed her heritage?"
Andrew looked at him before leaning over to hiss in his ear. "We can help her learn how to use them better if she wants." He looked at Xander, who shrugged a bit. "It's not the first time we've helped people learn how to use their native gifts."
"That's good," the president agreed. "Did we find anything new about HYDRA?"
"I don't think they've found them all," Xander said. "We had a vision that had names in it. We shared it." Xander looked at Tony then nodded at the phone, getting a grimace back. Xander nodded.
"Visions?" the president demanded. "We trust those?"
"Yes, since the ones I get are from the Powers That Be directly," Xander said dryly. "They're the early warning system for the slayers. That's how we hear that we have a battle coming usually, sir."
"Oh, dear. Is that why they wanted you?"
"No clue," Xander admitted. "I don't really care because my only concern is my kids and the slayers. Otherwise I'll just destroy the ones that come after me. I'm not the nicest of nice fairies when I don't have to be."
"That's good to know," the president said. "How long have you been with the Council?"
Xander smirked at the phone. "Sir, I backed up Buffy in Sunnydale since she came to my town. I'm the normal guy that was with them through allllll that back then."
"Oh." He sighed. "Maybe they want you for that. Most people can't do that."
"Most people could, most of them don't have a reason or the want to do it. The ones that do, we help them train but we're wary of some people's reasons for wanting to hunt."
"We've had 'kill them all' sorts more than once," Andrew agreed. "It looks bad on the girls and makes the ones we have peaceful relations with think we're all like that."
"I can understand that, and I'm assuming you're Mr. Wells."
"I am."
"That's fine, son. Now what, people?"
Xander grinned. "We've got to get back to Cleveland. I'm paying one of the slayers to babysit during patrol tonight. We've got the new baby to handle. It's probably not going to be a hugely busy night but it still has to be handled."
"Are the children going to be safe in the slayer house?" the president asked.
"Yes," Xander said. "Very safe. There's a lot of protections on the house."
"Would social workers think that?"
"They haven't said anything about the few slayers in foster care thanks to the First Evil having taken out their families," Andrew said dryly. "And really, we'd protect the kids and the slayers, sir. We know there's haters out there. One tried to blow up Xander and the kids when they were buying new clothes."
"Pity about his Rambo-esque arrow trick," Xander said dryly. He held a hand out, getting Andrew's phone when he scowled too. Xander typed out a text message to a contact of Andrew's. Andrew looked then smirked at him. Xander grinned back, sending it and handing the phone back. "We know that there's a few idiots in the world who hate that young women save them from things they consider heresy by their religion, sir, but we let them have their delusions. The same way we do the people who think they have the right to take mystical weapons to be the big hero. Even though they can't use the things they want to."
"What were you doing?"
"Sending a text message to a contact to check on the girls," Xander said. "They needed checked up on since that left one of the old-liners in the house with the girls just getting home from school."
"Oh, that's reasonable I suppose. No nannies?"
"Sir, we don't make that sort of money," Xander said dryly. "Or I wouldn't have to worry about paying an off-duty slayer to babysit for a few hours for patrol."
"I suppose that's normal for single parents."
"I'm all for letting the two remaining parents, well three now, have visitation but I've never met Agent DiNozzo. Mr. Stark gets visitation whenever he asks. Andrew and I can split helping the new baby girl."
"I'd name her Natalie after Warren's former robotic girlfriend but it might condemn her to Warren's mental problems or dating a robot," Andrew said. "I have no idea what to name her."
"We can look at a naming site later, 'Drew."
"Good point. Maybe something cutesy? She should be cute. Before Buffy hears."
"We can name her after Kendra," Xander said. "As a middle name?"
"It's a good slayer to remember, the last of the called Council-raised slayers." He looked at her. "So, what Kendra Wells-Harris?"
"Figure it out later so the president doesn't get pissed off," Clint hissed.
Joyceline toddled over, picking up the phone to blow kisses. "Good girl you, slayer. Good girl. Bye bye. Nighties!" She tossed it into the kitchen and ran back to play with the bow some more. "Shiny!" she cooed, grinning up at Clint then at her daddies.
"It is," Xander agreed.
Stark smiled. "That's very nice of you to say bye bye, Joy. I'm sure he appreciated that and you're such a good girl." She beamed and wiggled, hugging the bow. Andrew summoned the phone and it was hung up. Stark shook his head. Xander shrugged, coming over to explain the bow to the kids. They were all happy with that.
Andrew hid his smirk in the new baby's hair. She was so cute.
***
Maria Hill came off the elevator a few hours later. "Well, that explains why an agent complained he was not HYDRA, it was someone else sharing his name."
"The prez?" Xander guessed. She nodded. "Sorry, thought I made that distinction."
"No. Not clear enough. It's clear now. He tried to order you guys killed and your kids snatched so they could be claimed to be rightfully trained. They tried the house." Xander growled, eyes narrowing. "The girls were fine. Rosenburg was there. Everyone who tried to attack ended up floating until real agents got there. When a few of them started to float they asked why so she told them. She was wondering where you two were but one of the girls told her. She's growling. One of the Cleveland PD people got her with a sedative dart." Xander moaned, shaking his head. He stood up and gathered up the kids. "The other two babies belong to a few officers down south. We'll make sure they get there, boys." Xander nodded. "Stark, can you get them home?"
"Yes," he called from the kitchen. "Barton can fly them down since the kids won't give him back his bow."
"That's why I brought out my backup bow," Clint said dryly. "Should we deliver the two young'nes?"
"No. I'll have someone do that. Just get them back so they can stop Rosenburg."
"Have some nice girl hit on her. She'll blush and run to hide," Andrew said. Xander nodded. "Why did you text Berny?"
Xander grinned. "I was stopping the new 'he's the normal guy' movement." He smirked. "I'll be damned if most people see me like Buffy does."
Andrew nodded, patting him on the shoulder. "It's all right. We know you do a lot."
"No, there have been news reports that he's the 'normal guy' at the Council," Hill said. "What did you do?"
"Just wait." He walked off carrying three of the four kids while Andrew walked the other two out with him and the diaper bag. Clint followed, flying them down to Cleveland. Stark came out to clean up the living room area with Steve now that he wasn't hiding any more.
Hill picked up the two babies to take down to their daddies. She could handle that and any butt hurt feelings that would be coming.
***
Pepper was watching the news that night while her fingers blindly dialed her cellphone. "If that's even *half* true, I'm taking all the babies from you, Harris." She hung up. "JARVIS, please make sure Tony's seeing this?" Down in the lab, Tony was growling. The reporter that was asking the demon community in Cleveland about Xander and his times training in Africa were getting all sorts of stories, some with film. One of them asked a slayer out for patrol about it.
Her 'five slayers old enough to patrol, two who decided to patrol out of them, and it wasn't as bad as it could have been; there were things they'd never be told'. Pepper was growling out loud now. Steve was staring at her from the kitchen doorway. She cleared her throat, waving a hand with a small smile. "They asked the demon community in Cleveland about Xander's time training in Africa." She cleared her throat again. "I'm going to see if we can get Joyceline and the others for a few days."
"I'll warn Clint and Natasha to hide their weapons," he said, smiling at her. He came out to watch with her. "Jeez," he said, blinking a few times. "That's... I guess he had to do it since he only had two slayers to help him."
She stared at him. "He took down a rebel group!" she said with a point.
"It was going near one of his slayers," Natasha said, walking behind them. She paused to watch, then shuddered. "I would not want to do that by myself with just two teenage girls." She walked on. "Save that down for us? Hill will be most amused."
"I'm sure Arlin's father would like to know too," she said. She looked him up, then sent him an email about the news broadcast.
Steve shook his head but looked up kid toys. That would spare his shield and everyone's weapons from the baby stealing them to make shiny.
***
Jesse looked out an open window, smiling at the people outside the gate. He waved. "Fuck you!" he called.
"SON!" Xander yelled. "Your mouth is now a problem. Go stand in the corner!"
"Oops!" he called but he was grinning at his siblings. "Sorry, dada!"
"Corner anyway."
"Yes, daddy," he complained but went to sit in the corner like his sister and the big slayers did. He spotted the emergency shiny under the couch. "Oooh, shiny," he cooed quietly, looking around. No adult to take the shiny from them. He crawled under the couch, pulling it out to pet. The others cooed at the shiny. One of the baby slayers came in, helping them put it into the couch so no one was bumping into the coffee table again. That table caused owwies. They all settled in to pet the shiny, and Jesse figured out how to fire it. It fired off, hitting the corner of the armory under the stairs and ricocheting off in another direction, toward the reporter vans. The kids all cooed and clapped at the explosions.
"Cool!" Arlin called. "Shiny boom!" The other kids all cheered.
Xander, Sarah, and Andrew rushed out to see what had happened. Andrew stared at the kids. "No playing with the shinies!" he yelled. "Especially not the one Buffy put under the couch in case the house was attacked again! You could've hurt me or Daddy or your sister Nira!"
Xander cleared his throat. "I would suggest you five go out back and sit down. Don't move. Don't play. Just....sit." They ran out to do that. Daddy sounded mad and the baby slayer already knew that was bad. Xander opened the door. "The kids are sorry!" he yelled with a wave. "Buffy put that under the couch for the next time someone tried to attack the minis in the house, well, two of the attacks ago. I thought it was better hidden. I'll....talk to the kids." He slammed the door, going out back to talk to his kids and the baby slayer. They had to have ethics. They couldn't become the evil bitches in the family. That was his future job title when he finally got fed up and retired from the Council.
Andrew looked at Sarah. "I'm not sure if I should be proud or not."
"Be unhappy! They nearly blew us up too." She stomped out to help Xander yell at them.
Andrew went back to get his baby girl. "We won't let you use weapons that way." The phone rang so he answered it. "Sorry, Giles. It was the shiny thing that Buffy hid under the couch. The kids set it off accidentally, it hit the corner of the armory's shielding, and went into the news vans." Out back a baby started to cry. "Xander's yelling at them and the baby slayer that was helping." He hung up, going back to teaching his baby girl how to make spaghetti sauce. "You'll never play with weapons that way. Or else I'll teach you to make lasers and you can use them instead."
***
One of the reporters went to verify what the parents had yelled. She waylaid a police officer that worked near the slayer house. "There's been attacks on the slayers?" she asked casually as he got out of his car.
He grimaced. "We hate your kind."
"That explosion was supposedly because some infants played with a weapon stored against the next time the house was invaded or attacked."
"The mayor said if you guys wanted to know about those things, to file a freedom of information request," he said, staring her down. "Because we're not that nice."
"Anyone that might slip it without that week's worth of paperwork?"
"He's got the file on his desk," he said, staring at her. "All you need is the paperwork."
She smiled, going to call her boss to get that started so she could pick it up on the way downtown. The mayor's secretary had the file waiting on her. "Thank you. How many attacks were there?"
"We answered seven," she said. "Two from local sources."
"Oh. So the kids may have legitimately found a weapon stored against an attack?"
The secretary nodded. "Indeed from what we've seen. One of those babies was the one that told that villain he was shiny."
"Ah!" She smiled. "Thanks." She walked off reading the file, not seeing the secretary's face change.
"Not like we don't agree with them having weapons just in case," she decided, disappearing. "We don't want Harris to have to respond so we're making it easier on them all."
The reporter went to the ones gathered around the slayer house. "Guys, I got the police commissioner's reports thanks to an FOI request at their suggestion." She had already let her editor copy them to get a scoop before the others got into it.
The reporters came over to look them over. By the time they looked back, Xander was leaning on the gate staring at them. One of them swallowed. "Um, Mr. Harris?" He nodded with a grin. "How many times was the house attacked that wasn't reported?"
"No clue. The girls didn't tell me most of them while I was in Africa. Buffy didn't want me to ask someone for a favor."
Another moved closer. "We've seen what you were handling in Africa."
"I was down there for a few years. It wasn't every week but there was a run of them in there for some reason." He shrugged. "It happens."
"That weapon?"
"Buffy or someone won it in a poker game to protect the minis. Most of the minis have now been moved. The kids got yelled at and grounded for setting that off with the baby slayer's help."
"Um...how did you get kids? No one's noted that you've been seeing them and they all look around the same age."
He smiled. "HYDRA. A group of less than legal authorities in an area found a lab they thought was people sellers. So they went to stop them. They found files and ten kids born. They recognized my name and called me to come see what was going on. By the time I got there, they had figured out four of the kids were mine and there were probably embryos. Which there were, a lot with my name on them. Then recently they took me again, somehow I'm not aware of as I woke up there and the last I knew I had been getting a burger after a baby doctor appointment, and they had made three other babies. One of them between me and Andrew." He grinned. "She's so sweet. Unlike my little girl, who likes shiny things." He looked down, smirking at his son. "This is Jesse, he's like my mini me."
"Shiny," he cooed, reaching for a camera.
"No," Xander said. "You don't need to flirt with a reporter, son. Go inside." He pointed. "Go play with your baby sister. She needs new clothes." He squealed as he ran inside. "He really likes clothes." He grinned. "Anything else?"
"Did you get the records released?"
"No, but the mayor hates us. We made his mostly normal city a bit weird and it makes him look bad to his mind. So we handle it." He shrugged. "They probably expected someone to call a social worker about the weapons discharge. Thankfully she saw the ones that were there and knew about why it was there as she oversees a few of the minis that were orphaned by the First Evil."
"So now you head this house?" another one asked.
"Giles wanted to hide from all you people," he said dryly, smirking at her. "He pulled me back from Africa after all that HYDRA mess to head this house so he could hide easier in England."
"Where were you during that?" one asked in a perky voice.
"I had stolen a mystical artifact that HYDRA had stolen and was using it to protect the slayers from England," he said, staring her down. She flinched. "Somehow they had stolen it from SHIELD."
"Oh, dear," she said.
"Plus I had found an Asgardian artifact down here with a banished warrior. Which I used to beat the living shit out of a few of them." He grinned. "The kids were safely next to me during it but we handled it very well. They got to meet a whole bunch of mostly not real good sorts that I went to for help. Who all thought the quad was charming and sweet." He grinned. "Even when the kids glared at them for daring to wake them up from a nap."
"Not real nice sorts?" another asked. "Like ...arms dealers?"
"I have met a few of those. We know a few we can go to for discounts for necessary slayer weapons. We can't win everything we need at poker. And sometimes you don't get the military helping." They all nodded. He grinned. "Did the battle in Madagascar get seen?" He walked off.
They called in to ask about that battle. No, it hadn't been found. A few who had made contacts in the peaceful demon community asked about that, and the ones that Harris said he got discounts from. Since they said Harris had dated some, that explained a lot. The video for that battle got found. That country had been trying to hide that battle since it showed they refused to show up to help until nearly the very end. In it, they saw a slayer fall and Xander nearly die, and the other two slayers nearly die after he couldn't protect them more. It got spread, and people started to ask about how people honored the fallen slayers. One in England found Willow to ask her. Willow glared so she showed her that battle.
Willow touched the screen. "She's on our obelisk in the garden," she said quietly, staring at the reporter. "We honor all the fallen and the ones that we didn't get to meet." She sighed. "How did you get that footage? We barely knew what happened."
"Harris mentioned it when we were bothering him. Are those kids of his safe?"
"Yeah. We made sure of it. I laid protections that the kids would disappear to their other fathers or someone safe if their fathers are gone." She shrugged. "I don't think Xander should be raising them on his own. I don't think he realizes how much work kids take. But I've been told repeatedly I'm blind on that topic. So I have to listen to the coven."
"Do you think they'll get hurt?"
"I've heard his bad guy dates all love the kids and would protect them but I think Xander will get mixed into something while defending the slayers." She shrugged again. "I have no idea. I've been told I'm blind about that." She walked off. "Ask Andrew. He has to babysit I'm sure."
A tall woman in a business suit walked past Willow and punched her. "That's for thinking Xander would *ever* let his kids get hurt or that he's using Andrew. Their baby girl is *sweet* and *innocent* and the quad are cute. Leave them be. You tried to steal them from him and offer them to a demon," she sneered. "At the same time you stole from the incubi." She walked over her moaning body, nodding at the reporter. "Sorry, she's biased and thinks Xander can't do anything." She disappeared around a corner again.
The reporter looked at her camera girl. "Who was she?" She shrugged. "Let's go ask." They ran off before the volatile witch woke up. They had heard stories about her. They went to Scotland Yard's closest office, smiling at the desk sergeant. "I'm trying to identify who someone was that interrupted my interview." She let him see the image. "She defended one member of the Council from another."
He nodded, looking at a list behind him. He held up a page. They nodded. "I'll tell someone she's local. Thanks for the tip, ma'am." He walked around them, going into the main area. "Sir, a reporter spotted this one interrupting an interview about a Council on Council matter." He handed over the sheet.
He stared, then out there. "That reporter?" He nodded. "Any idea?"
"That one knocked out Rosenburg."
"Ah. Well, that's almost something I encourage." He went out to talk to her. "Can I view that story?" They let him see it. He made notes. "She's an information dealer," he said quietly. "Harris has kids? Huh. He's real overprotective of the girls. He showed up for one of our problems and yelled at a few who were a bit young. Told them to go home and grow up to be real slayers and women. He got hurt a lot since they didn't have enough slayers but he said better that than a nine-year-old in battle." He looked at her. "Go home." She nodded, leaving with that new bit. He called the higher ups about that one on their most wanted list being in the city. It could only help capture her.
***
Xander looked at the actor that had shown up again. "Is someone doing a movie or something about the slayers?"
"Demon hunters. I'm on as the secondary lead," he said with a grin. "It's helped me a lot. I've even found someone to help me learn how to use a sword for real."
"That can be helpful," Xander agreed. "What about the peaceful community?"
"We're only killing summoned ones in that movie." Xander grinned at that. "Is patrol going on tonight?"
"Patrol goes on every night. Otherwise we lose track of a few newly risen ones." He looked at the little girl gripping his leg. "Hi, Emily." She grinned and waved at the actor. "He's learning how to patrol."
"Are you dating a big slayer?" she asked, eyes wide.
"I wouldn't mind but none of them have hit on me, precious," Bradlin said with a grin. "If they flirt, I wouldn't mind."
"I'll tell 'em!" she promised, running up the stairs. "The actor guy said he didn't mind if the big slayers flirted!"
Xander grinned but shook his head. "You're on your own with that." He walked into the kitchen. "I'm doing dinner and then we'll go."
"Sure. I'm down with that. You're a dad and have to do dad things." He followed, nodding at Andrew. "New baby slayer?"
"HYDRA wanted more future soldiers so activated the embryo between us," Andrew quipped. Xander took Nira back to cuddle and feed while the terrible foursome nibbled their dinners. Xander got them all up to their baths then into bed. Nira got laid down for a bit too. Andrew could handle it if she woke up later. He, Bradlin, and two bigger slayers went out to hit patrol. Thankfully a mostly quiet one this time.
***
Tony DiNozzo finally made it out of DC and to Cleveland. He stared at the front door of the Council house for a few minutes before knocking, not surprised that he had been seen so someone was standing there waiting on him to make a decision. "Is Mr. Harris here please?" he asked as he stepped inside.
The young girl stared at him. "He's at the baby doc's for shots with the horde." She grinned. "Andrew, visitor! He wanted to talk to Xander!" She grinned at him again. "We're a bit paranoid."
"I agree, you should be," he said, smiling back. "I'm Agent Tony DiNozzo, NCIS."
"He's Arlin's daddy," Andrew said as he came up the hallway. "It'll be about an hour, Agent DiNozzo. Did you want to meet him here or out and about?"
"Whatever's best for him. I'm not pushy right now. I'm still in shock."
"We all were about Xander being a daddy but he's really good at it," Andrew quipped. "Including to our new daughter."
The slayer rolled her eyes. "You're too busy to take care of Nira all the time." Someone opened the door and paused before running into Tony's back. "This is Arlin's daddy, Buffy."
"That's cool. Working out visitation?" She walked around him. "What's this I hear about another one?"
"HYDRA used the embryo between us and there's two others that we're not related to," Andrew quipped. "Xander has them all at the baby doctor. It'll be an hour. You can wait if you want, Agent DiNozzo."
"Thanks." He settled in the sitting room. Buffy went upstairs then came back down with a huff. Tony watched her looking things and huffing. "Can I help?" he offered when she stared at him.
"Wondering why things got moved." She scowled toward the kitchen.
"We told you it wasn't practical to have them there," Andrew called. "Don't you dare PMS huff at me or Xander. You know he'll do something to make you scream at others."
"Fine. Whatever!" she called. "I'm back so he can go hang out somewhere else."
Andrew came out to stare at her. "Hell. No. Go travel, Buffy." He grinned. "The agents who watch over our shoulders loathe you."
"Why would we care?"
"Because they won't show up to battles until way too late," Andrew said. "Many of them don't want to be there anyway. Them not wanting to back up the slayers anyway means that they'll be slow and them hating you because they don't understand how your mind works means they ignore the signs of an upcoming battle and don't show up at all." He spread his hands and shrugged a bit. "We can't help that. All we can do is deal with it and train them better as time moves on. Pretty soon they'll hate being called out for not being at a battle. We just have to deal until then."
"There's agents that are more than willing to step in because they don't think young women should have to protect them," Tony said. "I work with half an agency of them." Buffy stared at him. "I'm NCIS. We deal with navy and marine corps crimes."
"Oh. Okay. Sure. Whatever. They still won't help."
"Ma'am, they will help. Every time the military shows up, someone complains to those soldiers but they still do it anyway because it's the right thing to do. They're going to keep doing it, even under threat of being court marshaled or kicked out of their service branch. If you wanted to ask, there's people who'll gladly help spread news of upcoming battles that aren't the higher ups. Though the head of the marines did get told to ignore it by the president."
"Who was HYDRA anyway," Andrew quipped with a grin.
"He is?" Tony demanded.
"Yeah. The order to make the kids from Xander came directly from him. There's agents who know that."
"Huh." He nodded. "I'd like to talk to him about why he wanted to use me." Andrew grinned. Someone opened the door and Tony stood up, getting into his face. "Hi, who're you?"
"Um... I'm training with the slayers for an upcoming role. Isn't Xander here? And who're you?"
"This is Arlin's other daddy, Bradlin. He's at the baby docs for shots."
"Aww. Poor kids. And Nira's going to have a ton probably."
"Probably," he agreed. He pulled up a picture to show off to Buffy with a manic grin. "They used our embryo together. Nira Johna Kendra Wells-Harris is an adorable little girl who never sleeps when you want her to."
"You named her after Kendra? He asked to?"
"That was my idea. Nira was one of the slayers that fell down in Africa. Xander picked that and I picked Kendra, a small tribute to Johno, and how the last names worked."
Buffy smiled at him, giving him a quick hug. "Thank you, Andrew. Kendra would probably think it was mushy but sweet." She looked at the special case with Mr. Pointy then at him. He shrugged, putting the picture back down. "If you wanted to spar, I can help with that," Buffy said, looking at the new guy. "Why are you training with us?"
"That's the actor guy who's training with us because he's going to become a demon hunter dealing with summoned demons for a role," Andrew said.
"Oh yeah, I heard about that. I can spar with you if you want."
"I wouldn't mind. I'm not great but I've been learning a lot from Sarah and Amanda. Amira tried to teach me how to steal cookies."
"All slayers love sweets," Buffy said with a grin. She took him to the gym to work out with him. Then she'd get to see her mom's namesake in person and yell at Xander for being bossy and doing slayer jobs again. The actor guy wasn't too bad. He was holding his own until someone ran in to pounce her, knocking her into him. "Hey!" she complained, scowling at the grinning baby. "It's not nice to pounce Auntie Buffy, dear."
He spit. "Oh well!" he chirped then ran off again. "Not know her!" he shouted.
"That's your Aunt Buffy," Xander called. "She's only scary when she hasn't slept in a few days, Jesse." He leaned into the gym, pointing at her for one of the kid's benefit. "That's Auntie Buffy. You were named after her mommy, Joy."
She sucked on her fingers, staring at this new lady. "Hi," she said.
Buffy smiled. "Hi. You're cute."
She smiled and shook her head. "I'm mean!" She growled then giggled and ran off. "Cookies!" she creeled as she ran. "Please cookies!" The other kids took up the call as they ran for the kitchen.
Xander leaned on the doorway. "Not even I rate above cookies."
"I can tell." She got up with some help from the actor guy, smiling at him. "You're not bad. Thank you."
"You're welcome." She walked off. He rubbed a bruise. Xander pointed at the bruise cream with a wink, heading after her. He put some on and followed the two hunters. Buffy was staring at the baby in the carrier on the counter. "Aww, someone needs changed."
"Oops," Andrew said. "I didn't check. Yup, you overflowed, Nira." He took her to change. "I'll clean and sanitize that in a second."
"Not touching baby pee anyway," Buffy quipped. "Not my kid to clean up after."
Xander got some papertowels to blot it up then the lysol to clean the counter with. "Kids do that."
"I'm sure they do," Buffy agreed. "Has anyone seen them, like Cordelia?"
"Why would the Powers That Be be interested in my kids?" he countered. "If you wanted to call her down to coo over them you can. She might be bored. I haven't had a vision in weeks."
Buffy shook her head. "She's probably busy plotting the end of geekdom again." She stared at the little girl then at Xander. "She's not very girly."
"We've been living in an area where girls are in danger for that stuff," he pointed out. "Right now I let her pick her own clothes. Or Arlin. He likes to pick clothes." He grinned at Tony. "I heard you've been too busy. I was going to pop down on you next week if you hadn't made it out of DC."
"Thanks. Were we going to have a problem during it?"
"Well, yeah," Xander admitted with a grin. "I would've let you babysit for a few hours."
"I can do that. Me and the boss both. Or Abby. She'd love Arlin and the others." He stared at his son then at Xander. "Are you still coming in for that?" Xander nodded. "Okay. Can my friends meet them?"
"Yeah! The more aunties and uncles they have, the more they learn from them. It'll keep them from being begging little mooches so often. Watch out for any weapons, Jesse and Joyceline both like shiny weapons. She likes all sorts of shiny things but he really likes shiny weapons."
"Shiny?" Joyceline asked, looking around. "More shiny?"
Xander pointed at Buffy. "She wears shiny jewelry she can show you." The little girl stared at her aunt while nibbling on a cookie. Buffy grinned, showing her the shiny things she had.
"No shiny," Jesse pouted. "Me shiny, daddy?"
Xander grinned at him. "You can help me work on the swords later, Jesse." He got up to dance around with Arlin joining in a minute later, his cheeks stuffed with cookies so he looked like a chipmunk. Xander grinned. "You two are so cute. Sit and eat cookies before I eat them." They dove back for their seats to finish the cookies.
Buffy shook her head. "They're kind of goofy, that proves they're yours, Xander." He smirked. She hit him on the arm. "I saw that footage."
He rubbed the sore spot. "You do that again and I'm going to sell you to someone as a date." She scowled. He stared back. "Not like I could've called you. You couldn't get to Africa and live in a tent."
"No, I can't," she agreed. "Others could have."
"No time. No coven marking to get them there," he said bluntly, staring at her. "Thanks to Willow deactivating it for all the African slayers. Three. Times." She winced. "Don't bitch at me for being the person there to handle things. You're not even aware of the bigger things that happened because the people down there are hiding them like hell before they're accused of harboring or calling them by their people." He gave her a pointed look. "Like before, we handled things that happened around us." She huffed but quit glaring. Her scowl wasn't all that impressive either. "Really, I had those noted so no one thought I was *normal* like you used to," he said more quietly, staring her down. "Because each time you did that, something huge happened." She huffed again. "So can we agree to drop it before the kids pick it up from you?"
"Fine. Whatever. At least here is safer."
Andrew came back with Nira, shaking his head. "Not likely. Emily's got three demons her mother tried to sell her to. We've had to take out two of them. The last one's just watching the house right now."
"Got him earlier," Xander admitted. "He came over to sniff the kids. My sword went up his nose and eventually out his brain. Pity. Have we talked to her again, 'Drew?"
"Twice now. Social workers don't think that's against the law, even if it's not exactly healthy. They can't do anything until someone has to rescue her from one." He shrugged. "I've tried repeatedly."
"I'm going to ask a favor from a friend then," Xander said. "Before she summons something hugely evil." He found his phone, calling someone. "It's Xander Harris. I know Paulo's dead. Someone had to tell me because you guys didn't. But I'm not calling about Jesse's daddy. I'm calling because the mom of one of our baby slayers is really near you guys and keeps summoning demons for her daughter to be captured by. I'm really tired of dealing with the summoned bastards. Can you guys do something about that?"
He grinned. "Thanks. Yes, that mom. No, Emily's fine the last I knew. Ems!" he yelled. She came running in, then squealed and pounced Buffy to hug while stealing a cookie. "Yeah, she's okay so far. Thanks, Toddy. Let me know if he wanted anyone to have visitation with Jesse." He hung up. "The people you meet at a bar at the end of the desert," he said dryly, putting his phone up since Tony was staring at him in horrified awe.
"Was the bar named Rick's?" Tony finally asked.
"George's and it was an underground titty and belly dancing bar I found a slayer indebted and working in," Xander said dryly but smiled at him.
"Which one?" Buffy demanded.
"She's not talking about it," Xander said firmly, staring her down. "Her mother ended up giving her away in marriage and that's how she got away from the asshole."
"Oh. Okay, I can be supportive," she said.
"Willow heard two of the girls went to a strip club to stare at the breasts," Andrew said. "She went off for three weeks, Buffy. You may be able to see the expediency but she's a bitch about sex stuff."
Xander nodded. "Always has been too." Buffy scowled at him. "You saw how judgmental she got with Anya and about me seeing Cordy."
"Yeah, I did." She sighed. "She's grown up."
"Prove it," he shot back.
"She has," she said firmly. "You'd know that if you had come home."
He pulled up text messages on his phone, showing her. "You can't prove that she'd ever give up."
She made a small whining sound. "Fine. Whatever. Not getting between you two. The coven can."
"Now that the blinding spell she did is finished it's a lot more fair," Andrew said. "They've stuck up for me against her too, Buffy."
She grimaced. "I'm staying out of all that."
"Good," Xander agreed, smiling at her. "It's probably safer. Willow won't change you into a puppy this time." She swatted him. He swatted her back.
"You no hit daddy!" Jesse shouted, leaping at her. Tony caught him. "Hey!"
"Your daddy can handle her, Jesse." He grinned at him. "I'm Arlin's daddy."
He stared at him then at his brother. "No, that daddy," he said with a point.
"I'm his other daddy. Like Andrew is Nira's other daddy? I'm Arlin's other daddy."
He frowned. "Confoosed!"
"I know. So am I," Tony said, getting a grin. "Finish up so you guys can go play." He got down, going back to save his cookies from his siblings.
Xander smirked at him. "Nice catch. Watch out though because he'll steal my weapons. Including my knife." He took his pocket knife from the baby, putting it back into his own pocket. "Third time since we got to the baby doctor's office. He was going to get the nurse for daring to make his sister pout." Buffy giggled, walking out back.
"It's great to protect your siblings," Tony said, patting Jesse on the head, getting grinned at. "You can let your daddy help though. I'm sure he'd help protect them."
"I do from bad guys but most nurses aren't bad guys," Xander said, staring at his son. Who grinned and waved then stuffed his last cookie into his mouth so he could swat at his sister's hand since she had tried to steal it. "Joy, eat your own, not steal your brother's."
"All gone," she pouted, giving Andrew the pouty look.
"I haven't made any more," he said with a grin. "Sorry!" He walked off with Nira. "We'll teach you guys how to make your own cookies soon." Tony was laughing, it was good he fit in with the insanity around here.
***
Tony walked into his office a week later smiling. "Guys, we have a battle coming tomorrow according to the Council people," he announced from the elevator. "Unless someone's changed their evil plans." He handed Gibbs the battle plan Xander had drawn up. "I said I'd be staying out of it so I can babysit my son and his siblings tomorrow," he said more quietly. "Xander doesn't have a nanny and he's in for the battle."
"That's reasonable," he agreed, looking it over. "Very small force. Will they need help?"
"If others want to jump in, go for it. The human doing it is an idiot according to Xander. He's trying to do something at the wrong time of the year. So it should be shorter. They had told the local office of the FBI in Cleveland but they blew it off as a crackpot. Unfortunately Xander thinks there's a second one that'll start right after we celebrate stopping this idiot. So I'll get Arlin and his siblings for a few hours."
"That's fine, DiNozzo. That's more important than an extra agent falling in to handle something. Have you told Abby?"
"We video chatted last night while I had the kids during Xander's patrol with the slayers." He grinned. "She cooed so hard."
"Good. Maybe she'll help." Tony shrugged but went to his desk. The director stomped down the stairs so Gibbs let her have the battle plan. "The second one?"
"No clue but he said he's heard but it wasn't a vision so he's just hearing rumors."
"Fine, that's still helpful," Gibbs decided. "With his file, he's got some stronger underground contacts so the slayers get weapons." Tony nodded. "Your son all right?"
"Arlin's fine." Tony grinned. "He really likes clothes, especially if they have shiny animals on them. He likes some shiny things but not weapons, unlike his brother Jesse and sister Joyceline. Jesse *really* loves weapons. He kept stealing Buffy and Amira's stakes and Amira's knife to play with. He made the knife a truck and drove it all over the carpet before she took it back, giving him a shiny cube to play with instead. He liked that, it made a better truck."
"You can buy him a truck," Gibbs said dryly, staring at his second-in-command.
"I did. I bought three trucks. Joyceline really loves the truck she picked out." He grinned. "Arlin didn't want a truck, he wanted a stuffed friendly tiger to go 'grr' at his siblings with. He's been pouncing them to go 'grr' at them to shock them." He sat down. "I'll be at their hotel tomorrow to watch my kid and his siblings, boss."
"Bring them here. It'll be safer," the Director said, looking at him. "You can keep any agents that shouldn't get near them off them while Ducky fusses." She walked off to share that intel with other agencies. They'd have to help the Council deal with things so they knew how to protect their city once the Council fell.
Gibbs shook his head. "Use the conference room, DiNozzo. Plenty of things for them to investigate."
"Sure, boss."
***
Abby leaned around the doorway of the conference room the next morning. "I've heard giggling," she said with a smile.
"That would probably be Joyceline." He pointed at her. "She's very happy to torment her brothers this morning."
"Aww. That's a good sisterly thing from what I've heard." She came in and plopped down near the kids, smiling and waving at them. "Hi, guys. I'm Abby. I work with Tony, Arlin's daddy." She pointed at him.
Joyceline stared at her. "You auntie?"
"I can be if you want, Joyceline. You're very sweet." The kids all shook their heads with evil smirks. "Well, you're young. We'll teach you how to be good but naughty when you're older." They smiled and got back to playing. Abby handed over things from her pocket. "I heard they love shiny things."
"They do," Tony agreed. "Jesse managed to blow up part of a Stark Industries lab when he was playing with his kid."
"Awww. At least no one was hurt?"
"No, not in the least."
"Shiny boom," Jesse cooed with a grin for the new auntie.
"I'm sure it was," she agreed, giving him a hug. He stared at her. She winked back. "I'm good at hugs." She hugged the others, letting them have the just big enough shiny metal animal figures. "They're above swallowing size."
"That's fine. They like animals too." Joyceline was cooing at hers and playing it around the other toys. Her truck liked it too. The boys were battling with theirs. Then Joyceline batted theirs with her truck so they all 'died'. The boys pouted at her but she smirked and got back to playing.
Henry picked up Arlin's stuffed tiger friend and pointed it at his sister. "GRRR!" he growled. She huffed but glared at him. He smirked back. "GRRRRRRRRRRRR!" She sniffled but Tony hugged her.
Abby hugged Henry. "You should play with stuff, Henry. Let her play with her things." She cuddled him, getting a grin and a hug back. "You're so sweet." He shook his head. "Today you're sweet. Tomorrow you can be a good boy." He giggled, patting her hair a few times then standing on her lap to look at her pigtails closer. He played with them for a bit until Arlin took his tiger back, getting his attention. He got down to go play with his siblings again now that Joyceline wasn't being a *girl*.
Abby grinned at Tony, who shrugged but smiled. "They have good taste in which hair to play with." She grinned at that compliment to her pigtails.
***
An agent at NCIS looked up, frowning at the screaming. "Not know you!" a kid screamed. Then an adult screamed as he went flying over a railing. He looked at the other agents nearby before rushing up to check on the kids. He knew DiNozzo had his kid with that Council guy up there with the other Council toddlers. "Hey, what happened, little guy?" He looked around. DiNozzo was out. Abby was out. Gibbs was going to rip someone a new asshole for this. He looked at the kids, checking them. "It's okay. They're just napping. We'll protect you from the bad guys. Just calm down and hug the auntie, okay?" He pointed at Abby. That kid wobbled over to hug her. "Someone get Ducky! Whoever that dick is knocked out DiNozzo and Abby plus three of the four kids!"
"How did the idiot go flying," his supervising agent demanded, leaning in. "Hey, little guy. Did you do that?"
"DiNozzo's kid was made with that guy from the Council," the agent said quietly. "I'm betting one of them has some magic."
"Me too. Ducky's on his way up, so are guards." He looked around. "Bring me up something for the kid to play with until we can figure out what knocked them out." Someone donated their desktop toys for Jesse to play with. "Thanks." He got out of Ducky's way. "Apparently he knocked the bad guy over the railing somehow, Ducky."
"Good! That's excellent. Figure out who the future dead person is please." He came to check Tony and Abby then the kids. The one awake was staring at him. "It's all right, I'm a doctor. I'm making sure they're okay. I'd never hurt a baby." The baby kept staring at him until he backed off, smiling at him. "You're a good boy." He stood up. "I can smell the remains of knockout gas." An agent came in to check things with a sensor, finding the gas bomb in the air duct. "Which one are you, sweetheart? Can you tell us your name?"
Jesse picked up the stuffed tiger to hold up. "Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" he growled then gave him a shit-eating grin. "Not know you. Eat you."
"I'm sure the tiger will eat us if we're a threat," Ducky promised, patting him on the head. Joyceline groaned, starting to sniffle as she woke up. Jesse frowned at her, patting her hard on the head. "Let her wake up, dear. She's probably got a headache. A head booboo." He checked her over. The tiger got in his way. "I'm not going to harm your sister, dear. I'm very certain she'll beat me before your tiger can eat me." He grinned at him. "I'm a doctor, like the one who gives shots."
"Mean you."
"Sometimes doctors are but I don't have to give shots today." He checked her over. Joyceline woke up and flipped away from him, glaring at him. "It's all right, dear. I'm trying to make sure you're all right. I'm a doctor, like a baby doctor but not quite." He smiled. "It's all right."
She stared at him then patted her brother on the back. "Shiny?"
"No, Daddy take," he complained. He looked then grinned, getting Arlin's other daddy's shiny. He waved it. "Mine!" Then he smirked. "Shiny boom."
"Yes it would," Ducky said, taking it from him. "But that's not safe for you." Someone ran up the stairs. "Who's that?"
"Gibbs," one of the agents said, getting out of the way. "The little guy threw the bad one of us over the railing, Gibbs."
"Good! Who was he with?"
"No idea," that agent said. "He's in the morgue from the fall." Gibbs nodded, grimacing some. "He's very protective."
"Yes he is. Jesse, I've got it. Just play and I'll protect you guys." Jesse stared at him, reaching for the shiny weapon again. "No, you don't need that. I've got mine." He patted it. Joyceline held up the tiger and went 'grr'. Gibbs grinned at her. "I know, it'll protect you. It'll be okay. Your dad's on his way here. Someone get Harris here sooner and find out how we wake up DiNozzo and Abby!"
"It's a gas," someone yelled. "Should wear off shortly. Safe on kids too thankfully."
"Good. Find out who the idiot was with. I want to have a talk to them once DiNozzo is awake." Someone came off the elevator with a large gun but it was Xander so he let it go for now. "They're okay. Two are awake."
Xander stared at him. "What happened?"
"Someone gassed them," Gibbs said.
"The little guy didn't succumb to the gas attack," Ducky said. "He somehow propelled the bad guy over the railing and down onto a filing cabinet." He pointed at the dented place. "Though he had been alive when I checked him. The children all appear to be fine and he's quite protective of everyone."
Xander walked around the agents. "You did good protecting Arlin's daddy and his friend plus your siblings." He gave him a hug. "Good job." He grinned at Joy. "Hey, baby girl. You okay?"
"Grr?" she asked.
"Sure, the tiger can scare them off." He kissed her on the head. "Want a cuddle?"
"No." She grinned. "Toys?"
"Sure you can play for now." He looked at Jesse. "You did good things." Jesse grinned, getting down to play with his sister.
"He took DiNozzo's gun," Gibbs said.
Xander grinned and nodded. "He does love weapons. Jesse's every bit a mini me sometimes. Then again, sometimes so are Arlin and Joyceline. Usually they like shiny but not weapons. Henry is apparently a book nerd in the making for all his daddy had been an arms dealer."
Gibbs shook his head. "I see more toys than they brought. Probably Abby's."
"That's fine. As long as she didn't mind and they didn't steal."
"No, DiNozzo made sure the kids couldn't wander," the other supervising agent said. "They were real good and the first we knew something was going on, the guy went flying."
"Jesse does have some magic," Xander agreed. "He's very protective of his family too. He's scowled at incubus who came to flirt with me and everything."
"He's one hell of a kid, but I would've expected him to be from someone like Abby," he said.
"No, Jesse's dad was the other arms dealer they used. He had been French military at one time." Xander grinned at him. "I'm still trying to figure out why HYDRA thought I'd make a great soldier for them."
"You're scary in many ways," an agent said, leaning in. He grinned. "When do we get to babysit, Harris?"
"When I'm dead? Because you're a bad guy worse than most I've dated," he finished with a grin.
"Grr him?" Jesse asked. "Or shiny boom?" He looked so hopeful at his daddy's gun. "Mine, Daddy?" he cooed, petting it.
Xander kissed him on the head. "Mine but you can help me clean it later, Jesse."
"Grr him then?"
"No, he won't touch you. I'd get really mad at him, tell all my other dates, and Joyceline's daddy."
"Oooooh," Joyceline cooed. "Shiny booms," she said with a grin for the bad guy. "You kissy Daddy?"
"No, he's not into me, dear. Who're you?"
"Grrrr," she said, petting the tiger.
"Okay, sure you're a tiger," he said. Xander looked at him, moving a weapon to draw attention to it. The guy waved. "I'll let you guys relax after the battles earlier." He fled before Xander killed him for being near his kids.
Xander looked at the kids. "C'mon, we'll go back to the hotel room. Daddy Tony can come check on you guys tonight when he's not napping." The two awake kids nodded, gathering things up. "Those aren't ours."
"The animals came from Abby," Tony groaned, sitting up holding his head. He looked. "That's from Robertson's desk." He came in to get his toys and left. "Thanks for the help, guys."
"Welcome," Gibbs said. "Your son's mean."
Xander looked at him. "As opposed to letting bad guys snatch him and making me be mean when I kill them all?" he quipped with a grin. "He doesn't understand what he did but when he's older we'll go over better methods of self defense."
"That'll help and we'll help him learn things too," Tony said, blinking at the kids. "You guys were good all day." Xander snorted, looking at him. "They were. They played. Arlin got Joy back for picking on the boys again." Xander nodded, looking at his daughter, who grinned at him and waved the tiger's stuffed paw. "He went 'grr' at her until she gave up."
"They do enjoy doing that," Xander said, looking at his kids. They all grinned back. "Let's go to the hotel. We'll have dinner soon." The kids followed him to the elevator and down to the car they had rented. They all got into their seats without complaining. Of course, Xander had to take back a few stolen knives and a stolen derringer. They were his kids after all.
***
Xander walked into the house and was handed Nira as Andrew walked past him. "Hey, baby girl. Want to hang with me for a while?" He patted her on the back, making her belch. "I know, you had the gassy face." He kissed her on the head. "Guys, come play with Nira."
"Grrr?" Henry asked, holding up Arlin's stuffed tiger friend.
"The tiger needs to protect her, not grr at her. She's too little to earn grrs." He settled in the living room, letting the kids gather around the baby to confuse her by trying to play with her. It was a fun game, they loved her confused looks at them.
"Daddy, what a zoo?" Arlin asked. "Other aunties say is nice. Has grr too."
"Most zoos do have tigers, yeah." He smiled. "I have no idea if there's one nearby." He pulled out his phone, taking it back from Joyceline. "Let me look stuff up first. Then you can have it for a while." He looked up zoos locally. "There is one. Hmm. Andrew, does the house have a pass to the zoo?" he called.
"Nope. Giles said he might have but the girls would never be in school."
Xander nodded. "Sometimes, yup. Huge zoo, guys." They were all staring at him. "Hmm, 180 acres? Wow. Tram service between two points so we can walk the major things. How long does it usually take, 'Drew?"
"They say four hours. I say do it in two days." He leaned in. "If you can get them there before their second birthday they get in free and you pay twelve something. If not, there's a family pass option."
Xander clicked on that link, nodding. "Eighty-five bucks for two adults and up to six kids under nineteen for the most basic family pass. Not a bad deal. Reduced rates at other zoos across the country.... Ten percent off at the zoo stores. That's handy," he mumbled. "Need a photo ID to use the pass...." He looked at Andrew, who shrugged. "It has a babysitter option as well." He grinned. "Okay, I'll buy a yearly pass. Your name's going on second. I'll have them put on a babysitter option as well. Eighty-five bucks isn't bad. We'll do a few exhibits each time...." Andrew nodded. "We can start with the elephants since they've already seen them and they want to see tigers. Which are apparently in with the bears all the way at the other end of the zoo. Okay. Sure." He grinned. "We can do that tomorrow. Today Daddy's tired." They pouted. "You guys need laundry done. And it's time for a nap. We'll go tomorrow after Daddy gets everyone off to school."
"Someone is still driving on a California license," Andrew said dryly, smirking at him.
"Okay, you guys will nap and I'll sneak off to the DMV while you guys don't give Andrew any problems? Or I'll pay Sarah."
"Pay Sarah, I've got to grocery shop. Also, wear the fake eye."
Xander nodded. "Yeah, I can do that." He looked at the pouty kids. "We'll see animals tomorrow. Let's go deal with the clothes!" He clapped. Joyceline stole his phone, Arlin and his tiger ran up to look at the clothes. Henry yawned, napping on Joy's back, and Jesse went to wander off. "Okay, I'll go deal with the clothes. Nira will learn to like clothes, but not like the slayers do." He carried her upstairs to help Arlin sort things. He did like to sort stuff.
Andrew grinned, watching Xander handle chaos was great fun.
***
One Little, Two Little, Three Little Knights, Four Little, Five Little, Six Little Xanders.