Xander came into the meeting last, with the kids following him. Gray had the babies this time and had just walked in himself. They set themselves in the corner.
"Must they attend?" one of the old liners demanded.
"Yes, unlike you we don't have a nanny," Xander said. "Thankfully our kids won't be jackasses like yours was." He flinched but backed down. "Besides, our kids are pretty well behaved. They've met with officers, soldiers, and even a few presidents and war lords in the past. I doubt they're going to do more than wander over to stare at you oddly because of your hair." He sat down beside his twin. "Guys, meeting time." They fussed over the babies instead of bothering the adults.
"We've done fantastic raising them," Gray said happily.
"They are quite charming young children. Even those who hate children said they are," Giles agreed. "That does bring up one point that will be covered today. I have decided the truly minis need the sort of loving home that only a parent can give. Therefore we're hiring them parents and setting them up in their own house nearby. One that will be safe for them as well as good for them."
"They're slayers. It's worked for generations," one sneered. He glared at the twins. "That's your doing isn't it?"
"Actually, it was Buffy's," Gray said smugly. "The longest lasting and she didn't get stolen by the watchers, didn't get raised in an unemotional home, taught to repress herself, none of that. It proves why she's lasted for a decade and yours didn't."
"Then again, didn't yours die when your house was broken into by demons sent by your rival at the old Council?" Xander asked. "I thought I read that somewhere."
The man sneered. "That was not my doing."
"No, but if it happens now we get to handle it," Gray said, pointing at himself and his twin. "Because that shit is wrong. The same as snatching the kids is wrong."
"Welcome to the twenty-first century," Xander quipped, smirking at him. "Things are different now. Slayers aren't slaves." That one got up and huffed out. "By the way, the UK is still looking into how you got her. A friend of ours gave us a list of old Council members who were under investigation so we could point out which ones were dead." He handed that down to Giles.
Giles read it over, nodding. "I see many of them were." He looked up. "Charles, your name is on here?"
"An accident I'm afraid. I was a bit...impaired due to an injury and hit a phone pole."
"All right. Candice?"
"I am?" she demanded.
"Yup," Gray said. "Twice. Once by your maiden name."
"We just told him which ones were dead," Xander said.
"You should have brought this to me first, boys," Giles said.
Xander looked at him. "Giles, I'm trying to keep them off the Council. If we hadn't, they would've sent someone in to infiltrate and find them. Which would've meant a raid, and press, and attention, then CPS showing up, and all that niceness."
"That's a point. You still could've told me."
"Telling them who's dead isn't harmful."
"Good point."
"Also, half of those he said was tax warrants."
"Oh, that makes much more sense and something we can handle quietly." He passed around the list.
"When did Gerbralt die?" the first person asked.
"When his house was burned down with him in it," Gray said. "By the girl he had kidnaped from her family." That one slumped. "Then her family had to be gotten off her back because they decided that made her unclean because *obviously* he had taken her for some other reason. We had to step in to get the girl free of them. They welcomed her being a slayer and won't try to kill her. They're very happy she can protect their areas as well. Her mother's even found her a boy who had been a soldier to help her because he can keep up with her. She accepted him and won't kill him. He's proved himself to be a bragging little asshole."
"Then we kicked his ass a few times in training," Xander finished with a smile. "He's much better now. Treats her like a princess and all that too."
"It's good it worked out well," Giles said. "Was she missed?"
"Her tribe's slightly nomadic with their herds," Gray said. "Mostly the males."
"Interesting." He looked at the others. "If you're on that list, I'll expect you to find out why and fix it. Quickly. We don't need that sort of attention."
"Especially with a problem coming up within the intelligence communities," Xander said. "It's the sort that they could turn on us, either side, and one will try to blame us since we're one of the people that found out."
"Is it that big of a problem?" the female at the other end of the table asked. The twins nodded. "Should we know?"
"Once we make sure no one's got a listening device or can scry," Xander said. "That's for later." He smiled at the kid that wandered over to him, giving him a hug. "What's up, Toby?" He held up something. "That's a listening device," he said. "Thank you for finding it. Where was it?" He pointed. "Aww, in your bear. We'll find out if your uncle or grandparents planted it." He kissed him on the head, making the baby giggle and head off.
Gray took it to look at. "NSA build. Not sure. Though if it leads back to someone we know they should tell us within the next hour before we destroy it." Xander's phone beeped. "Which one?"
"None of them. Agent Ass Wiggle's boss planted it."
"We can pause in DC on layover back to Africa." He tucked it into his back pocket. It steamed up as it self destructed. "Hmm, that was nice of them." He looked at the others with a smile.
"You know an agent named Ass Wiggle?" one asked blandly.
"We're not allowed to say his name out loud. His bosses might mind," Xander said. "He's cute but married and not our type."
She nodded. "Wonderful. Why were you involved in that?"
"Getting Thelma away from the people who had her," Gray said.
"Oh, that incident. That's fine then. It could be for much worse reasons from what we've heard about you two dating."
They shrugged in unison. "We can only date those who like us, and the bad ones get turned into some of our friends. It keeps us in diaper money," Gray quipped. "Including the warlord the other day."
"It was nice he kidnaped us all and fed us," Xander agreed. "Though we didn't like his plan to take out a village that had pissed us off to woo us. Thankfully we stopped him and then dealt with it."
"And he did have someone nicely sane watching the kids. That's a change we like."
Giles shook his head. "I do not need to know?" They shook their heads. "Then we'll go over that later, when I can yell at you two." They grinned. "Back to business. I've selected this house," he said, sliding it down. "We close on it at the end of the month. I've got interviews lined up for the caregivers for the children." They looked at it. "It's close enough for the older girls to go spend time with them and far enough away in case this house is attacked."
"Why would the older girls go visit?" one of them asked.
"Because sometimes it's so bad that the only thing that makes it all better is seeing something innocent and hugging the baby," Gray said quietly.
"I've been there and spent time playing in the nursery," Buffy said from her seat. "That'll also mean all the squealing can be over there?" The twins stared at her. "The kids are loud."
"They're kids. We were loud kids," Xander said. "You were. Your mother said you squealed more than Dawn. She told me once she worried you'd never talk because all you did was squeal at pretty things." She blushed. "The kids should be just as happy as you were. It makes them better adults. It made you the longest lasting slayer. They should have the same benefits."
"They should," she agreed. "And they should squeal over there instead of right underneath my window?" They smirked at her. "Fine. They're being kids. Happy kids are great. Better than crying ones." She pointed.
Gray looked over. "What happened?"
"She bit her tongue," Toby said. "Trying to chew on her toes. She missed."
"That happens." He got up to grab her, coming back to sit with her. "It's all right." She snuffled into his shoulder, calming herself down.
"They're very quiet," one of the old liners praised.
"They have their moments," Xander said. "I usually have the three babies. Gray does the older four." They nodded. "They love traveling. All but one of our slayers loves the kids and so do their families because most of ours are younger. Our oldest is the grunt, point, and kill sort but we've made her break that a few times."
Gray smiled at her. "We made her wear an actual dress to go hunt a demon at a bar one night. She got all flushy and embarrassed then complained that skirts got in the way of slaying."
"I heard from her that night," she said. "She said you guys were mean but I pointed out I hunted in a skirt all the time. We talked about how to handle that."
"I told her if she kept grunting at me instead of speaking I was going to help her father find her a husband," Gray said. "Then introduced her to six different soldiers."
"I didn't know about that but I introduced her to one I had been working with on an upcoming problem. She blushed, mumbled at him, then fled. He introduced her to his little brother because he was married but the little brother's kinda hot."
"They're so cute," Gray agreed with a grin. "He even thinks her grunting is cute."
Buffy smiled, shaking her head. "You guys are horrible, the same as you were to me."
"It helped her and made her happier. He can even hunt with her," Gray said with a shrug and a grin.
The baby looked up at him. "Me?" she asked.
"Some day I'll help you find someone nice to date too." He kissed her on the head. "Want to go play?" She cooed so he put her down. She crawled toward the other kids, pouncing one. "Play nicely."
"She good."
"Okay."
Giles smiled at them. "They are adorable children, boys." They smiled. He looked at the group. "Any dissent or amendments to my ideas for the truly small slayers?"
"How many parents?" one asked.
"It takes three adults per kid," Buffy complained. "I have no idea how Xander does it."
"One good mom can handle two kids," Xander said. "Or me."
"I taught mine to take turns so I wasn't overloaded," Gray said.
"Seven minis," Giles said.
"Eight," Buffy corrected. "Brienna's coming back with hers soon."
"She can live over there if she wants," Giles said. "That is her daughter. I can hire at least three, up to five, parents."
"Don't forget a father or someone who can do what Andrew does," Buffy said. "It'll help the girls learn to deal with guy things."
Giles nodded, making a note of that. He looked at the others. They all nodded that was fine with them. "Then we'll get to work on that later. I've got interviews scheduled tomorrow." He flipped four folders out of his stack onto the table. "Reports from overseas."
"Ours are dumbed down so we don't get yelled at by Buffy," Xander said.
She snorted. "I need to yell about what I saw anyway."
Gray pulled up footage to put on the room's screen, letting her see it. She stared then suddenly ran of to be sick. "That's not in there," he said, turning it off.
"Were you fighting it?" Giles asked.
"There were five of them. That was caught on someone's security camera," Xander said. "We were across the village and got that one last because they had started with a school."
Giles nodded. "I can understand that and only one was an adult, the rest were animals." He sighed. "All done with?"
"Yup," Gray said. "And we closed the portal with a dirty bomb we found." He smiled. "They won't be coming back for quite a while."
"Excellent. I dare say that's probably considered mean but I'd rather they all die off."
One of the old liners looked at them. "Where were the slayers?"
"The closest was six hundred miles away and she's four," Gray said.
"The closest adult one was over three hours of flying by helicopter. We called her earlier when we heard they were going to show up but they couldn't get her there until nearly the end. The local military was too far away. We only had twenty minutes to plan from when we heard to when we go there. The kids were being monitored by a hotel worker we paid and a soldier we worked with."
"That is a problem when you don't have a wife," one of the watchers said.
"We've been offered a few," Gray said dryly. "But they weren't really our sort and wanted more kids and to escape."
Giles shook his head. "The sort that usually likes you would probably be a worse choice but I can agree that you're not suited to being married to a traditional housewife sort." He looked at them. "The duo in Asia followed their lead by sending in dumbed down reports. They said they had a few others they didn't want to hear the complaining about. I got them anyway and praised them then sent them scotch."
Xander handed over the printout of the rest of theirs, putting them on top of the files. "I don't want to hear a single word."
Giles took them to look over, staring at one oddly then at him. "She did what?"
"That applies to three. Be more specific?" Gray asked.
"The babies you two were watching."
"Oh, they played with the spirits the shaman had called up by accident."
"Not that one."
The twins shared a look then Xander took it to look at. "Oh." He let Gray see before handing it back. "Same set of minis. They were amused greatly at the shaman accidentally creating a zombie puppy while sick from his own cooking."
Giles stared at them. "Did it harm them?"
"No. It was the village dog, had played with them all the time. It growled at him," Gray said with a point at Xander. "But otherwise it was really protective."
"It ate a piglet that got away from an owner," Xander said. "I said I'd kill the dog when the kids were gotten out of the way so they didn't have to see it. Thankfully the old one got the mom in from the planting to do that so I could kill it for them. She agreed, it hadn't harmed anything and she didn't want the kids to see me kill it."
Giles stared at him. "How do you do that?"
The twins shrugged. "We really would like someone to discover that," they said in unison.
"Please ignore the one that summoned back Anya to nag us because we had ruined his summoning something higher to eat his rival."
"She nagged him until he committed suicide then pouted at us about never telling her about our real mother and dad, and about us being parents."
"Did she share anything else?" Giles asked blandly, smirking at them.
"She's bored, there's no orgasms over there," they said in unison.
"That does sound like Anya, yes." He found that report and shook his head but smiled. The rest were...heartburn inducing. One was so bad he had to glare. He nearly swatted.
Xander looked then at him. "We found out two days before. We handled it. No one else nearby."
"If that's *that* thing, yeah we weren't going to tell you."
"I forgot to take it out," Xander admitted.
"It was a..."
Xander held up a hand. "We know. We were there. Then we let a baby slayer's mom watch the kids while we go so fucking drunk we hallucinated." He stared at him. "Welcome to Africa's slaying problem. That's not the worst."
Giles slumped. "What's worse than that?" Someone snatched that to read and went pale, handing it on.
"A whole village that had been in thrall for so many generations they had no idea that people had technology outside of fires," Xander said bluntly. "Really fucking powerful demon queen from the old lines." Giles slumped more, staring at them, mouth slightly open. Xander pointed at Gray.
"I went in to have a chat with her about things. She was horrified, she hadn't heard from an outside source in about as long. She went looking and came back sobbing, promising to update her people. I pointed out them being in thrall was the problem. She said it was keeping them from dying from stupid things like diseases. We decided to leave her with a warning and getting a promise that if any of the villagers wanted to leave she'd let them. Otherwise it'd mean taking out the whole village to get to her."
Giles nodded, clearing his throat. "That is a wise decision on your parts, boys. I believe it's the correct one in that situation." They smiled. "Is that in here?"
"Fuck. No," Xander said bluntly. "There's seven we didn't include in there and she was the nicest."
"I'd like to see those. Just in case it comes back to bite us."
"One may but we had no choice in that same sort of situation." Gray called them up to let him flip through them. Giles stared then at them. "Read on." He kept reading, grimacing as he got up to get a drink.
"Bloody hell." He turned to look at them. "Unclearable?" They shook their heads. "Spreading?"
"Actively. We found out because they got half a village one night. All it took was spit contact," Gray said. "The military told us something was going on but they weren't sure what. I got there that night. Xander had the kiddies outside the town. I saw what happened, tried everything to get someone free, and the demon realized it so we chatted. I looked it up through Amalia," he said with a point at her, making her shudder but nod. "The only other choice was going back to that hell goddess to let her handle it and I called but she said it could infect hers too but she would protect who she could." He shrugged. "I had *no* choice."
"No, you had no choice in that circumstance, my boy." He patted him on the shoulder. "How do I show this?" Xander took it to beam it to the tv. "This is when its at its worst." Xander coughed and changed it. Giles read the very short, paragraph long report then nodded. "I'm mistaken. That's much worse." He looked at them. They shrugged but looked down. "I'm so sorry you had to deal with that, boys." He patted them both on the shoulder. The other watchers wouldn't look at them. Giles ended the beaming because he heard Buffy chatting with Willow. "As you can see, things are bad."
"We hadn't had anyone down there in generations," one of the watchers said. "Then only in colonized areas. It was thought to be too dangerous."
"Yeah," Xander agreed. "It can be."
"We didn't expect you two to be able to get into the brush that way," Amalia said. "You're in campers."
"With four wheel drive and lift kits," Gray said, smiling at her. "It's been kitted out like a range rover."
"Very handy for most things," Xander agreed. "Though we have had to hike some places. Then one of us gets the kids and the other of us handles things. Like the goddess living in a cave behind Victoria Falls."
Giles blinked at them, flipping through the reports. "I don't have a thing on that."
"That was last year and we just went to talk to her. She was stranded and pouty. We called the coven and they thought they could get her home."
"Ah. Wonderful." He stared at them then at the others. "Do any of you others have that sort of story?" They all shook their heads.
"Maybe they should. Field work does give you a new life to your blood," Xander quipped with a grin.
"Lad, most of us are too old to do that. Even if there's ninety-year-old men running marathons none of us were ever that sort."
"Someone still has to finish up the cleanup of the old building," Xander said. "And it'll take some field skills as well as digging up stuff. You guys had a vault with demons stored and half the things storing them are probably broken. We heard them having a good laugh when we were there."
"I remember that vault," Amalia said. "It won't be holding them if they want out."
"There's an old awning thingy with runes on top of that pile of rubble," Xander said. "They can't get past that apparently."
"Oh, that. Um... yes, someone really should go safely burn that." She looked at Giles.
"I've said I wanted someone to go over to finish the excavation. No one's volunteered."
"Plus the ones that are in the older manor houses," Xander said. "Because I'm pretty sure some of them had heirlooms that they caught." The older watchers looked at each other and nodded, then made plans to do that part of it. "Also, Giles. Hiring? Can we please have some help? There's two of us for a continent twice the size of the US."
"I've been trying, boys. Ask some of your intelligence friends if they know of anyone who could do the job for the right reasons and I'll gladly test them."
"We can do that," they agreed together, sending out text messages.
Xander groaned, holding his head as he leaned over. "Fuck you, Powers," he muttered. Gray was helping him. "You get the next one."
"If they had given them to me I'm sure I would. Unfortunately you kept that in the split." Xander got up to go puke then came back with notes. He flopped back down, taking the kids to cuddle from his corner.
Giles read it over. "Who are these sorts? We have people in costume?"
Gray took it. "The same ones that saved New York about a year and a half ago, Giles."
"Oh, them. Oh, dear."
"No, that's a bigger problem than oh dear. That's... shit." He called someone. "It's Gray. It's vitally important I talk to one of *that* team. Xander had a vision." He paused then smiled. "Pretty, dangerous one, I'm Gray, one of his little brothers. My twin has visions. We are not wrong yet. Your engineer is making something to end the world. I can do that, yes. But you need to stop it before he starts it."
"I saw him pushing the enter key. Stop him now," Xander said quietly.
"Xander said it'll be activated today." He read off the notes, walking off talking to her. She said she'd handle it. "Also, there's a note on here that those sort we're all worried about thanks to Ward have two kids that got made thanks to the guy who had been warping Stark International. The sins of his godfather are going to be blamed on him sort of thing, yeah. Thanks. Let us know if we need to help." He hung up and walked back in there, moving around Willow. "They'll try to get it stopped, Xander."
"Good. I'd hate to fight the AI that wants to destroy us all for being illogical." He looked up. "Can you have the visions for a bit?"
"I would if I could."
"I'll see if I can have them passed over," Willow said.
"If it means we both have them, it's a danger," Xander told her.
"Okay. I'll just look." She looked at Giles, then tapped the paper in front of her. "I solemnly swear I am up to no good." The map of the building popped up. "Huh." She let Giles see it.
"Gray, you're listed as a Xander-squared."
"Well, with how we got split," Xander said dryly.
"Good point." He looked it over then around the room. "There's been rumors of shape shifters getting in here. It seems they were right." He stared at one, who changed suddenly and tried to attack. Gray shot it. "Thank you." He looked around. "Three others are not listed on here. Two not at all. One's listed by another name." He looked at her. She shook her head. Giles held it up so she could see it. She swallowed then smoked up and disappeared. "It's nice a higher demon was helping our research department."
"I'll look into what she was working on," Willow said, going to do that. She didn't need to see the destruction.
Giles cleared his throat, looking at a married couple. "You're not listed at all. Why is that?"
"We have protections from magic finding us. We did it when the First started," she said.
Xander stood up to stare at her. "The only one that could do that took multiple sacrifices of innocent blood." She blinked at him. "Unless you found something else?"
"I used the Pergot book."
"Which calls for multiple sacrifices of innocent blood," Gray agreed.
Giles nodded. "It did. I read that when I was younger. Thought about ending the nagging I was getting with it but you couldn't call them innocent by any means."
She swallowed, gripping her husband's hand tight. "I..."
"We'll be fine, dear. It protects us from that," her husband said.
"No," Xander said. "It stops anyone from using magic to find the bodies. Since when have any police departments used magic?" They got up to stomp off but Giles stopped them by knocking them out. Xander sent another text message. He showed Giles the answer. "There had been a house fire they managed to escape from but their three children hadn't," he told the group. "Not totally suspicious with the First's blowing things up. It's considered an open case."
"If I remember right, wouldn't it have taken at least ten bodies," Giles said. Xander nodded. "When did you read it?"
"I was hoping for a protection from Willow."
"That's a good point," he admitted with a sigh at the end. "Very well. If they have an open investigation, we don't want people who kill their children associated with us. It will definitely draw the wrong attention."
"Not like I want to be part of the same group," Xander said. "I'll frog march them into the PD if you want." His phone rang with a text message. "They found the twins. Good." He looked at his twin. Who smiled. "Yeah, we can help if we need to. Take a week off." He sent that back and got back to playing with the bored kids.
Giles smiled at the group. "All right, there's a few last things we need to go over for this meeting. Let us do that while the local PD comes to gather those two to hand over. Buffy, do call someone," he called.
"Buffy smoked up because she had been a shape shifter," Andrew called back. "So did Kennedy. I've just knocked Willow out again."
"Two of the old line sacrificed their kids and others," Xander called. "It's an open case out of England."
"I'll call someone." He walked off calling. He came back. "Giles, can you please make it clear I'm not the help?"
"He is not the help. He has the same status as Xander and Gray do, plus as Willow does. We are the founding members of the New Council," Giles said. "Even if he chooses to take over the necessary duties that keep us all from falling apart, he is not the help."
"Thanks." He went to let the officers in. "We went looking for the shape shifters we heard we had and found out two of them had sacrificed people to get protections." The officer grimaced. "They're unconscious." He led them to them. The guy was up and Andrew got him out of the bathroom. "Here." The officer waved a hand at Willow. "Her girlfriend was one. She was going to have a magical fit."
"Thanks for saving the city then," one agreed. They hauled them out and to the station so they could call over there. England had notice of the fire, and were reopening it. The US could keep them for a few hours until they looked it back over.
"Hey, Cleveland's not nearly as insane as Sunnydale," Xander quipped.
Giles stared at him. "The hellmouth is less radiating. Go play with the children, boys." They did that. Giles sat down, looking at his watchers. "Let's finish this so we can all go drink. Shall we?" They nodded, getting back to the necessary things.
***
Natasha hung up with Stark, nodding. "He found that program and where they are. We can go rescue them but they are HYDRA." Phil nodded once. "They've been told all sorts of things probably to make them loyal to their regime."
"We can go," Clint said. "We're just hanging around here until things get settled. Take May with us?" She considered it then nodded. "Sir?"
"Go ahead. Bring them back to London, to the SHIELD safehouse." They nodded and left. Phil looked at Merlin and Arthur. "Sorry."
"No, that's important," Arthur said. "Who else is vulnerable to them?"
"They loathe the twins," Merlin said. "Consider them the biggest danger since one has visions, the other has contacts who'll blow them both then give 'em weapons, and they know that somehow they can tell who's bad. I always liked that about 'em."
Arthur looked at him. "How do they do that?"
"No clue."
"Hmm." He looked at Coulson. "How many have you found dirty in your house?"
"One-hundred-nineteen out of the one-forty we've looked at." Arthur winced. "Including someone I trained with. He may be the primary infection point."
"When are you going to tell your higher up?"
"When I find him," Phil said dryly. "No one has any idea where Nick Fury is."
Merlin cleared his throat. "The twins captured him one night and let Frank deliver him as an apology present to your mother. I've let her know we need him alive for a bit but not why yet."
"So he's in Virginia then. That's pretty country." He smiled. "I'll go retrieve him soon."
Arthur smiled. "Wonderful. Anything else that's going to go wrong?" Merlin laid out name lists from other agencies. "Which one is MI-5?"
"Five, six," Merlin said with a point. "Interpol. CIA. BND...." Arthur held up a hand, staring at the lists. "We're all sinking with them. We had one. He's dead now. We caught him trying to get to Ward and let Romanoff ask him. She was most pleased to give that lesson as well. If we have any others they're hiding desperately." He smiled at Phil. "I asked one of the twins if they could ask a poker buddy to have all the HYDRA people marked."
"It might collapse SHIELD and other agencies suddenly. That'd cause a huge amount of problems," Phil said. "Otherwise I might."
"They said the same thing. Someone trained them well in tactical thought," Merlin said.
Phil smiled. "They're good boys some of the time." Merlin laughed, nodding. "Much like your Eggsy is."
"Much," Arthur agreed. "Can they work together?"
"They did for that two weeks in Africa," Merlin said. "A few random attacks, two battles. He did good. They even taught him some about swords."
"I'll find someone to teach us that as well," Arthur said. "Just in case." He looked at Phil. "How soon before we can snap this trap?"
"We need to find the rest," Merlin said. "That'll take at least two weeks. I've gotten our closest allies done but SHIELD's massive and it'll take the rest of a week itself."
"All right. So we plan on snapping it then?" Phil nodded. "Go find your boss, lad, and figure out how to do that."
"I'll call my mother." He looked at Merlin.
"You can use my screen. She's a charming lass. Too deadly for me but charming and sweet."
"She sends me cookies on my birthday." He smiled. They went back to the computer services area.
Arthur shook his head but smiled. "If we need to make an American branch, we have our first three recruits easily."
Merlin put the call up on the screen. "Mom, turn on your camera," Phil said quietly. She did, smiling at him. "We need Nick to live for another two weeks."
"That's fine, dear. His second-in-command was sniffing around so we're getting her too."
"Great." He held up a list. "All the dirty in MI-5."
"That's six," Merlin said, holding up another stack. "Five. CIA," he said with another held up stack.
"Oh, dear." She looked back. "Frank? Martin?" They both looked up. "Go get that nice young scut we nearly took out. They have a lot of dirt in their carpet."
"Yes, Victoria," Martin said. He beamed. "Phil!"
"Martin, hi." He smiled back. "It's a huge problem we just found out about. Like the collapse of all agencies bad."
"Please have turned into a drama queen," Martin begged.
"I wanted to, but Dad kept me from my band years," Phil said with a smile for his father.
Merlin held up a stack. "Yours, Ivan."
"Oh well," he said. "They knew better. They can pay for it."
"There's three special projects they're doing that we're stopping now," Merlin said. "One's been in and out of Russia." Ivan stared. "He had been at the Red Room at some point in time."
Ivan grimaced. "They were wrong then and wrong now."
"This one's in cryogenics." Ivan stiffened, staring at him. "What? You've heard?"
"Rumors only." He nodded once. "Tell me where and if I can help."
"Right now, we can send you a list. I've gotten all yours done," Merlin said. "Do you have a secure email?"
"Of course." He sent the address to Phil and Merlin emailed him that list. Ivan got into it, printing it. "My assistant. Wonderful. I will talk to him later." He walked off reading and shaking his head.
Phil smiled. "We're still looking at SHIELD, Mom."
"That's a mess," she said.
He nodded. "They had plans, Mom. Huge, apocalypse battle plans that even the twins would shudder at."
"I'll keep that irritating little pissant who thinks he has power alive until you show up for dinner, dear." She blew a kiss. "Call for normal reasons?"
"Of course. Tomorrow night?" She smiled and nodded, hanging up. On that side, she broke out in an unladylike swear but her spouse just kissed her because of it. Phil looked at Merlin. "My mother's going to have fun killing someone."
"A lot. Quite a lot." He sent a warning to the twins then got back to work on SHIELD's servers.
***
Frank found the young agent out and about with his kids. "You need to come in," he said quietly as he walked behind him. "There's a huge problem in the agency."
"Again?" he complained, looking at him. He sighed, going back to getting his kids packed up. They had been about to leave anyway. He heard a car alarm going off and looked, turning it off since it was his car. "You guys sit right there. Don't move. Let me check the car." He went that way. He had spotted Martin too. Frank stopped him by calling, shaking his head over the video call. "No?"
"I disarmed your trunk."
"Who?"
"Huge amounts of dirty agents. Get your family to safety. Meet us at Victoria's by tonight." He hung up.
"Sure," he agreed, calling in someone he trusted. The call wouldn't go through. He called his wife, who showed up to take the kids and go into hiding. It wasn't the first time. The agent rented a car and headed out, changing over three other times and ending up in a totally different area, renting a car under his backup identity. By dinner that night he was at Eagle's Nest. He was let in. "What's that important?"
"Six hundred dirty agents all to one group," Victoria said. "Clean up, it's nearly dinner and Phil will be here soon with the lists."
He nodded, being shown to a bathroom so he could clean up and calm down. He came out and found a man he vaguely recognized after a mission. "You're Coulson from SHIELD." He nodded, smiling and shaking his hand. "Both our agencies?"
"All agencies. Mine's the worst so far. Yours is mildly infected to back up SHIELD's infection."
"Wonderful!" He sat down at the table. "Thank you for warning me, Victoria."
"You're welcome. Children are a precious thing." She smiled at her son then at him. "I've recently found out you know my younger twins, longer than I have."
"Are they named Harris?" he guessed, wincing. She nodded, smiling. "That figures. They're deadly, just a bit weird."
"The grandchildren made her mellow for a whole day," Phil said with a smile for his mother. "I have Maria showing up alone in the town in about three hours, Mom."
"That's fine, dear. We can easily hit her then talk to her for not telling us you were dead then alive. It's a pity she got out of the trap we laid for her." She handed over the meat platter. "Do eat, boys." They dug in, talking over dinner about what the twins had been doing. Work talk came later.
Ivan walked in after getting Maria, handing her to Victoria. "She is a huffy, mouthy thing but decent enough I suppose."
Phil smiled. "She is the second-in-command, Dad." Maria gaped at him. He smirked. "They're mad they didn't hear about my death or me being revived. Nick blocked me from telling them anything so they're mad."
"Is that why I'm here?"
"No. We found out HYDRA is infecting SHIELD and everyone else. We can't even find all the ones in SHIELD. But we'll let you 'save' Nick in a few minutes, once we've talked." He stood up, taking the lists out of his bag. "All right, people. Someone get Nick out of the cellar so I don't have to repeat it." Martin went to get him and dragged him upstairs. "Thanks, Uncle Martin."
"Welcome, Phil." He sat down. "I knew some were bad."
"A lot are bad." He laid out lists. "Nick."
He blinked at him. "Phil." He looked around. "What's all this?"
"This is my mother's house. You blocked me from telling her I was alive." Fury shuddered, looking at Victoria. "But she'll take you out later. Right now we've found out we have a huge problem. Everyone has a huge problem." He put the largest stack in front of him. "All the HYDRA agents we've found so far in SHIELD."
"HYDRA," he said bluntly. Phil nodded. Fury sucked in a breath. "How?"
"Two ways. My former training mate and an AI of one of the old line. Zola."
"Where?"
"Nick, we can't find them all. They have plans to take out anyone who could stop them." He put that set of files down. "I have Natasha, May, and Barton going to stop this one." He tapped that folder. "The other two are worse. Including using our new helicarriers to kill anyone who protests."
Fury grimaced, taking them to look at, his face tightening up. "This is evil." He looked at the list, flipping through it. "How did we find out?"
"Ward."
Fury's head lifted. "Ward? On your team?"
"A section head." He stared at him. "Thankfully I was working with Merlin on something when we found out."
"I hate that group," Fury said.
Phil shrugged. "They have a lot of very good, effective agents. I'd go to them in a heartbeat if SHIELD's destroyed by this. They offered for Natasha and Barton too. Knew someone who could take in May and help Skye."
Fury shook his head. "How bad is it?"
"It's bad enough that my little brothers had a vision about it. They're Council."
"There's only two sets of twins in the Council and one's girls," Maria said.
"I didn't know about them until the same day I found out my son was alive and I had grandchildren they had rescued from the same people," Victoria said dryly.
Maria Hill nodded, backing up a step. "If we had known he had parents, I would've called you myself, ma'am."
"Oh, forgot my manners," Phil said. "This is my mother, Victoria Winslow. My father, Ivan Siminov, my all-but uncles Frank Moses and Martin. Frank's girlfriend Sarah is in the kitchen making tea and coffee."
Fury looked at Phil then at Ivan. Then back at Phil. "Why did you keep that quiet?"
"To protect them and myself. There's plenty that would take out a legacy child, Nick."
"Too true," the other guy said. "We would've taken him in as soon as he was of age."
"Who're you?" Maria asked. "I know you're CIA. I've seen you on ops."
"William Cooper."
"Or as my little brothers call him, Agent Ass Wiggle," Phil said, smiling at him.
"I was undercover investigating them. We knew nothing about the council and they were the easiest to get. They were dating arms dealers and my boss got panicky."
"The twins do draw that sort," Phil said.
"I'm very pleased they took down that warlord that tried to take out a village to woo them," Victoria said with a smile for Ivan. "They show much of your style even without you training them, dear."
"I noticed and was proud. A bit too obvious but perhaps we can refine that so they're easier in the fields of Africa. Training the slayers is too important to leave to anyone."
Cooper looked at them then nodded. "No one else in the Council can get down there anyway." He took the CIA list, looking it over. "That explains why I couldn't reach my assistant or boss." He kept going. "The director. Oh, shit."
"The president, even bigger shit," Phil quipped back. "Three senators, the VP's wife, members of the Security Council." Cooper shuddered. "A couple of foreign rulers that made it through the computer chip thing that Valentine did."
"What's the ideas we have so far?" Fury asked. "It's too big to throw over at once or we'll have chaos and the military trying to take over. Ross and others would do it in a heartbeat."
Phil's phone cleared its throat. "We have a problem," Merlin's voice said. "That one cryogenic program I found? It's a throw back to the last world war. Your hero's going to have conniptions of the destruction level, Phil."
"Who?" Phil asked, looking at his father, who shrugged. "Do we have any idea who's under it?"
"Codename Winter Soldier." Ivan stiffened, staring at Victoria.
"We've seen him once. He nearly took out Ivan but was actually after someone else," Victoria said.
Martin rubbed his arm. "Got me to get through to someone behind me in a crowd," he said. "My handler told me who it was by the rumors."
"His real name?" Phil asked, wincing some.
Merlin sighed. "Barnes."
"Oh, shit," he said. "Where are they?"
"DC."
"Can we get in there easily?" Phil asked. "If I get someone like Stark?"
"No. You'll need a team with Stark and gear to get him out safely. Tracking it, they're starting dethawing soon, when they unveil their helicarrier plan."
"I can go tonight," he said. "Let me call around. Thank you, Merlin."
"Knew you crushed on the big boy. Wish we had someone who could be a role model for boys like Eggsy sometimes." He hung up.
"He doesn't know about the Captain Britain guy?" Maria asked.
"Apparently not. I'll share that file later." He walked over to the camera set up, calling. "I know, you can beat me in a few days," he said when Stark opened his mouth. "There's a huge problem in DC. I need you, as an engineer, not Iron Man, I need Steve and he's going to be emotionally drained, and I need a team we can trust. Now. Within hours."
"I'm going to beat you back to death," Stark said. "Why should we?"
"Because we found someone in storage since your dad was around." Stark arched up an eyebrow, crossing his arms across the chest. "I don't know that they haven't hacked you, Stark."
"I ended it earlier. JARVIS is always better than an AI done in the forties and he's there."
"We found Barnes."
Stark stood up suddenly, staring at the camera. "Excuse me?" he demanded. "I heard what happened."
"Same people, Stark."
"How soon?"
"Hours."
"My teammates?"
"Germany."
"Fuck."
"Basically. Oh, by the way." He held up the stack from SHIELD. "All the HYDRA guys in SHIELD that we've found so far. Probably another week before we have a full list."
"Fuck," Stark repeated. "Yeah, I can do that. Anyone you trust absolutely?"
"They're in Germany." He sighed. "Not Steve's team. I spotted their names. Not Garret or anyone associated with him for now."
"What about the two agents you have ingrained here?"
"Stellers isn't on the list. The other we haven't gotten to yet."
"Bruce help?"
"We'll need his medical help. It's cryogenics."
Stark nodded. "Yeah. Two hours, DC."
"Three. I'm too far away." He hung up, looking at his mother. He kissed her on the cheek, hugged his father, then left.
"I can help," Cooper said, following him. "It'll save me from killing my assistant today."
"Sure. Always happy to have decent help. You drive. I flew in then hiked up the mountain."
"Sure." He got in to drive them off. Victoria's son had to be pretty good. The only things he'd heard about him were great.
***
Gray got back from helping Phil that night, flopping down in a chair. Xander looked over before getting out of bed to come do his medical needs. "He's safe."
"Good. You safe?"
"They tried a tracker but Phil found it and pulled it."
"Not like they don't know who we are," Xander said. He got them into the bathroom to clean off and bandage all the sore spots. A few stitches and a bit of packing material into one that was too wide to stitch right off. He did that one last. Then they curled up around the kids and snuggled in. The house had protections on it so even HYDRA couldn't blow it up.
***
Xander walked into the office the next morning. Giles got up early so he had some peace and quiet before the slayers and Andrew got up. "We're going today. Last night Gray had to help against HYDRA," he said quietly. "He's injured but not horribly so. We don't want them coming here. Keep up the protections?"
"I can do that and assign you to England." He handed over a note. "I've called all the girls in Africa and they agreed they can do without you for six months since it's the quiet season. We need someone to finish the main building. You two are uniquely situated for that."
"That could bring danger there."
"The UK would be safer. You'd have backup from people who thought you more than useful."
"True. All right, we can do that. What about our campers?"
"I'll have them flown up. Not that hard. They do it to cars all the time. They'll meet you at the old building in two days." He smiled. "Is Gray truly all right?"
"A few minor wounds, one was a tracker bullet but it got pulled almost immediately. The guy they were saving is fine though. That's the important thing since he's a major block of their plans." He looked outside then at Giles. "Do we have to work on a fallback for the girls?"
"We have a few, dear boy. Including your new house in the Carribean." He smiled. "I'm confiscating it for the good of the girls. I didn't think you'd mind."
"Nah. I can't see the whole family gathering there for a reunion."
"Good. Then be on your way tonight. I'll have tickets waiting on you with the kiddies."
"Send us the girls if you have to," he ordered.
"The coven will handle that."
"Okay." He shook his hand and got a hug then made them breakfast so they could head to the airport now. With a stop for diapers, more formula, and some cute clothes since the babies were growing again.
***
The twins announced they were back in London by blowing up the demon trying to eat the Tower of London. They stared at it. The kids were clapping. "Did you really have to do that in front of our kids?" Gray demanded. "They're impressionable and already like weapons." The demon moaned and died. "Cool. Thanks." He grinned and waved at someone. "Let's go check out that old building again. It's gotta be worse now." They walked off, showing the kids the sights. They liked all the pretty things and people. Toby even tried to grab one but Xander made him let her go.
"Not yours. You can't set me up on a date that way, Toby. She's probably much too nice to be my type." He grinned at her. "Sorry. He thought you were pretty." She laughed as she walked off. He looked down at his son. "Nice taste, but still, son." They kept walking, ignoring their shadowing agents, heading to the hotel for the night. They had a fruit basket courtesy of Merlin, and a warning on it to not use artillery in London again please. "Sure, if we can." He checked Gray's injuries and let him shower first. "There, Gray's injuries are okay. Not infected or anything." The kids ate some fruit, took a nap, and then got up being holy terrors until they let them watch tv. They giggled at it. They had only seen tv a few times.
***
Gray was grabbed the next morning, staring at the guy who had grabbed him. "I'm to lead you to a real doctor. Just in case."
"I'm fine. Xander's a good field medic."
"Yeah, but that's still not someone able to give antibiotics, right?" Eggsy said, walking him off.
"I'm supposed to be finding lunch. We're going up-country tomorrow."
"That's fine. Won't take long." He led him to a doctor Merlin had called. "Here ya go, Doc."
She smiled. "Mr. Harris."
"Ma'am. My twin's a field medic. They're clean."
"We can check. Your big brother is most peeved you got shot at all. He called me." She smiled, leading him back to an exam room. She sighed. "You're a Watcher."
"One of the trainers in Africa. We helped make the new Council after helping Buffy for years."
"Good. I was hoping you'd be one of them instead of one of the dicks."
"Nah, I'd never become that sort of dick." He took off his shirt for her. She looked, frowning at one injury. "We had to dig a tracker bullet out of it on site."
"It's well fixed but starting to get a bit inflamed." She nodded, stepping back. "Anything else you need?"
"The kids got shots recently."
"The UK version?"
"The travel version."
"How many kids do you have?"
"Seven. Three tiny and four bigger."
She blinked. "Wow." He grinned, putting back on his shirt. "Can you give shots if we get you the stuff?"
"Or we can take them to a health department up there or whatever."
"It's not safe."
"There's watcher related docs up there."
"Point."
"Plus a huge coven of nosy nags up country."
She laughed. "We've heard." She handed him the prescription. "I'll get the shots sent to the hotel later tonight." He nodded. "Good boy. Go play."
"Yes, ma'am. Thanks." He left, finding Eggsy out there. "I need to get this filled and lunch."
"Lunch's easier. There's a huge farmer's market two blocks away. Lots of veggies for kids."
"They'll like that. They've eaten native since we've gotten them. Thanks." Eggsy shrugged and took him to get things filled and bought. Then back to the hotel. The doctor had a package waiting on them of needles and meds, plus a list of when they get them. Eggsy left them to handle things and reported back. Merlin thanked him and told him to go enjoy his day off. Merlin would be taking care of those kids until the twins died and then he was set up to inherit them if Phil didn't want them.
***
The twins looked at the mess of the old compound then at each other, then at the cooing, nagging witches. "Where's the magic stuff we'll have to avoid?" Xander asked.
The witches looked over at them. "Which one?" the older one asked.
"Good point. Want to handle the vault first or something more minor?" Gray asked. "Don't feed her that. She'll spew. She's not allergic but she hates sausage."
The witches rolled their eyes. "They need to be exposed to more normal food."
"They do fine with most of them but sausage is greasy." Gray came over, handing her the spit up cloth for the spitting baby. "So the lesser area," he said with a point. "Or one of the vaults of doom? Or the underground of improbable space?"
"You've made it down there?"
"Yeah, during our few weeks here before going to Africa we spelunked down into the basement and took film of what we saw, that way Giles could tell us if something was more important."
The younger witch called him to get what they knew. She grimaced. "Can we start out in the old ritual building?" She pointed at the mostly intact building. "That'd have most of our stuff and we might need some of it before we get to the vault of evil things. That might need the whole coven."
"Sure," Gray agreed, taking them that way.
The mini slayer that had been sent to them to babysit had the kids in the grass to play with. Her mother had punished her for skipping school by making her help them. It was a fate worse than death but she didn't mind so much, she hated school. "I've got these guys. It's all cool, Xander and Gray."
"Wonderful. Let us know if you need help," Gray said.
"Especially if they summon fairies again," Xander added, rolling his eye and shaking his head. They managed to get the ritual building's door open and looked inside. Everything was tipped over but only one small hole in the floor. "Looks like a summoning was interrupted and ate the circle," he said.
The witch looked over his shoulder. "It really does, yes." She moved around him. He pulled her back at the first creak of the floor. "I'll stay here so I don't find out if we had a basement."
"It apparently holds supplies," Gray said, looking down the hole. "There's a huge pile of wax there." He pointed. They walked around the edges, getting the things off the altar's area to hand out. Xander found the ring to raise the trap door and went down, bringing up the boxes. They got everything else cleaned up, including the wall hangings.
The witches set up a containment circle out there for anything they could find that held a demon. One of the kids crawled into it and sat there smiling at them. "Boys, does this one have magic?" the elder witch asked.
The twins leaned out to stare at them, then nodded. "Yeah, she does. Willow blessed her with it one night while drunk. She blessed our first kids to have magic so we'd finally understand how hard it was for her," Xander said dryly.
"Ah." The witches nodded, picking up that one to teach her how to properly lay a circle. "Never too early to start a good education, boys."
"Please do. I'd hate to beat her to death if she turns into Willow," Gray quipped, waving a hand.
"Make her turn into the better parts that Tara had, please," Xander agreed.
"We can do that, boys." They looked at the other kids, testing them for magic. One of the babies had it and one had a blessing on it. They'd be there to teach all three babies. They called the rest of the coven to tell them the babies had some magic. More of them showed up to teach them things.
"Don't make them fudge," Xander called without looking. "They are hyper on sugar."
Gray nodded, looking at his twin. "If they're going to have candy you guys are monitoring nap time."
"That's fine, boys." The head of the coven smiled at the slayer. "Babysitting?"
"I cut school. This is mum's punishment."
"Ah. Well, school is important, dear."
"School's boring and full of shitters who spew donkey shite. Especially the teachers. I had one tell me that Kennedy was actually a minion of Satan and Martians were helping the Russians win the cold war, that's why Satan had to step in so hard to protect the good people."
Gray leaned out. "You're in a catholic school."
"Yeah and it was a nun. When I asked her why Satan would take a lifelong catholic that way she huffed and threw me out. I suggested prozac on my way to the office. It's better if I not get thrown out of school this week. Babysitting is *so* much nicer."
"I can see that point but Sunnydale's wasn't *that* bad." He shook his head, going back to it.
"If ours believed in Martians they probably would've been eaten by the Mayor's people for fear they'd have more germs," Xander said.
"Point." They got finished with that building and went to the next storage building. They got the door open and all the witches hopped up. The twins looked at the demon standing there. "Dude, we're just cleaning up the mess for everyone. How long have you been out here?" Gray asked.
"Decades."
"You've been here long than we've been alive," Xander said dryly. "Great."
"I shall take you out to make your line cringe."
"We're not watcher spawn, dude," Xander said. "We were born and raised in Sunnydale so we helped the slayer that got sent."
The demon squinted at them. "You're Harris?" They smiled and nodded. "I heard there was only one of you."
"Troll hammer."
"Oh. Interesting." He stood up and huffed. "You can release me with your blood." They pointed at the witches. "No, that would hurt. I just need about a body's worth of blood."
"Or we can kill you," Xander said.
"No you can't."
"We can banish him," one of the coven said.
"He said you're mean," Gray called.
"I really just need blood," the demon said.
"Or we can kill you," Xander repeated with a smile. "Really."
"Banishing or death, dude. Pick," Gray ordered. "We don't want our kids to see us kill you but oh well."
The demon pouted. "Banish me," he sighed. "Maybe I'll be able to find my old girlfriend."
The witches came in to do the banishing. He disappeared with a yelp of pain then the witches went to have a picnic with the kids.
The twins walked into the building and backed out slowly. The building was slowly being lifted up due to the demon standing up. "Great," Gray muttered. "Xander?"
"Yes, dear." He shared a look with his twin. "Grace, could use the thing in the camper's back storage area please." She looked and moaned then ran for the campers. The demon stood up fully, being about three stories tall. The slayer opened the weapon, firing on the demon. It screamed, died, and the building fell on top of it.
"I guess we shouldn't make the wicked witch jokes since he's not wearing sparkly slippers," Xander said. He scratched the back of his head, looking at his twin.
"It wasn't exactly a flying house, more of a floating storage building," Gray agreed. "So maybe the mildly naughty witch of the east?" They dragged the demon out from under the ruins of the storage building, then off to the side so they could burn it later. "We'll need containment around the fire."
"I can lay rocks in a minute," Grace said. The kids clapped and cheered. The twins hugged them then got back to hauling stuff out. The coven helped a bit.
***
Xander flopped down at the pub, staring at the guy who sat across from him. "No one ever helps us haul stuff."
Merlin smiled. "Of course not."
"We've found so many demons it's not funny."
"We've been watching on cctv."
"Great. Got some grunts you want broken?"
"Yes," he admitted. He put the screen on the table. "Your brother."
"Yeah, our phones are down again for some reason."
"Fury had that company raided for having ties to terrorists," Phil said. "Sorry. Are you two all right? Mom's panicking."
"We've been cleaning up the mess of the old Council building." He held up a hand full of calluses. "We need more artillery too."
Phil stared at him. "A lot of debris?" he asked. Xander let out a slightly hysterical sounding snort. "Okay. I'll see if I can get you some. How much more do you have to go?"
"Sixteen smaller outbuildings, the main building, and the vault that used to hold all the possessed stuff that got shaken too much in the explosion but something confining fell on it."
The pub's bartender came over. "You're a Watcher, lad?"
"Now. I'm half of the trainers that are working with the girls in Africa but we have construction experience so we're cleaning up the mess." He gave him a small grin. "My twin's watching the kids tonight."
"You like them?"
"Hell no. We rebuilt it so it's actually good to the girls, and we're mostly sane. We're not like they were. We made sure."
"Good!" He smirked. "Old Travers owed a tab."
"He died in the explosion. We all cheered," Xander said dryly.
"Good then. I'll send it to his estate."
"I have no idea who took it over but I'll tell Rupert to expect it. He's the new head. They're in Cleveland."
"Poor guys. In America all the time." He walked off.
Xander looked at the tablet, smiling some. "The kids miss you reading to them. Can you call and do that?"
"I can do that in a while if you want. Your phones should be back on soon."
"Tomorrow afternoon? For naptime?"
"I can do that." He smiled back. "Are you all right?"
"Just a bit tired. A whole lot of debris. Though it's nice the coven has been helping watch the kids so they can banish things when we run into them."
"That is nice of them. Are they baking?"
"A whole lot of older ladies looking forward to grandkids," Xander said dryly. Phil laughed. "How're you doing?"
"All right. It's a bit difficult right now but we're managing it. Would your people accept some agents who were clean but done with all this as watcher trainees?"
"Probably. You'd have to have Giles test them. He's in the Bahamas this week getting Willow out of jail. Her girlfriend started a fight on purpose to break up with her but Willow got all pouty, hurt, and magiced the bar because she was tipsy."
"I'll call him. He could probably use the stress relief. Be safe? Call our parents?"
"I can call later, or have Gray do it so she can stare at the kids. Who were nice earlier but they still tried to coo, pet, and keep a carnivorous demon." He sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Visions suck." He sent a text message to his parents. They called him and he put them within sight of the other tablet. "Dad, don't go to see Sarah yet. She's fine but they're going to get you on the trip. It's a trap."
"I will find another way. Thank you for the warning, son." He smiled. "Are you all right?"
"We're cleaning up the old compound. I have never seen such bad planning, bad storage, and bad ideas before." His mother smiled. "Seriously! Even the coven's done with that stuff. Though they have been inoculating themselves against future grandchildren with yours. They haven't started to bake because we warned them about the sugar issue."
"That's sweet of them, dear. That bad?" Xander held up the same hand with the broken calluses. "Just on the one?" He held up the other, which had burns on it. "What did that?"
"The last thing we banished earlier when it was fighting back. Which the kids wanted to keep as a pet."
"We'll see what we can do to help. I know a few former agents who'd adore being watchers."
"Call Giles, he can test them. He's in the Bahamas because of Willow's breakup while she was tipsy."
"I heard about that incident." She smiled. "Is she all right?"
"Undoing all the newly stuffed animal people." He shook his head with a sigh, rubbing it again. "I swear I'm going to find whoever gives visions and stop them." He took Merlin's phone from him to call. "Frank, me. They're wanting my father, the ones who have her are a trap. It's some of Cooper's former people. There's a device on the doorway in the back. The front has gas grenades, and the chair she's on is a booby trap itself. They meant to hit Dad on his way there and her to make you go nuts. Okay? Thanks." He hung up and handed the phone back, sighing again. "It's been a long day."
"I'm sure it has," his mother said. "Those visions really are unkind, Xander."
"Yup." He nodded. "But at least those two didn't come with brain cramps so bad they caused seizures this time." He smiled. "I just need some tylenol or something." She nodded. "We'll be back in the US in two weeks for an overnight meeting then back here for the next four months. I'm pretty sure I'm going to let Gray do the overnight meeting thing. He's stressed thanks to all the demons hitting on him."
"That's fine, dear. Perhaps we can come over to check on you two." She smiled. "Behave?"
"Yup, and get the idiot behind the camera, Mom. Do you need help?"
"No, dear, of course not." She smiled. "We love you both and you as well, Phil." They hung up.
Phil logged into something on his phone. "Hmm. Yes, they can handle it. Martin's there. He's mildly off but he can handle big things."
Xander smiled and waved a hand. "I blew a poker debt to have someone shadow Mom and Dad over all this until that group is done with. That way they couldn't come after them to get either of us or you, Phil."
"That's sweet of you, Xander. I'll work on getting you some new ordinance. Smaller or larger?"
"Larger. We have a few smaller things but we had to use something huge earlier to get that pet gone."
"I'll see what I can do through SHIELD Europe. Go take a nap." He hung up.
Merlin looked at him. "I'll see what I can dig up as well. We don't have much of that."
"We didn't have a lot but we've used most of it. We still have the huge problem vault to go too." He shrugged. "We'll handle it somehow but remember the kids are yours if something happens to us."
"I'd love the little heathens, you know that." He patted him on the hand. "If I run into one of your former dates, I'll share pictures." He smirked. "Go rest." He got up and left with his tablet.
Xander leaned back, looking around then at the bartender. "In case you guys hadn't heard, the Sunnydale team rebuilt the Council. Me, my twin, Giles, Buffy, and Willow." He stared at the bartender. "You know we don't care about anything peaceful. We're too busy dealing with the old Council's bullshit to get into anyone's face and it's not right if they're peaceful anyway." He gave him a pointed look then stood up to walk over. "For that matter, Buffy's never been a kill them all slayer and she's teaching the new ones that same thing. Including Grace." He smiled slightly. "Never worry about most of us in the *new* Council unless you're an evil shit. Okay?"
"Fine. The vault's not breached?"
"No, it got wrecked in the explosion but something with confining runes fell on top of the rubble. I've uncovered nineteen demons in the last two days with my twin and the Coven helping." He stared at him. "Also, we have the kids with us." He grinned. "You can come to us with problems. We handle problems. We're kinda missing solving problems and traveling right now with how nasty that mess is." He put down his card and Gray's card. "The phone thing'll be fixed tomorrow."
"That's fine then. Lots of people hate the Council."
"So do I. Especially since they wanted to kill me for stepping in to help Buffy." He grinned. "We cheered when Travers blew up. Giles misses a few of his former friends but we're not like them. If we find them doing the things the old way, we stomp their asses." He patted him on the hand. "We're the same knights that stopped that problem in Balthazar's home town last year," he said quietly.
"We heard," he said with a wince.
"We didn't take him out for that."
"We heard," he repeated. "Thank you, Knight. We won't worry about you or the kids. Though they're adorable and wanted by some to make you swear allegiance."
"I only swear allegiance to my brothers, my kids, doing what's right, and my artillery. Plus my pretty battle axe." He smiled. "Otherwise...." He laughed. "That depends on what's needed."
The bartender smiled. "Okay. You good?"
"I have to go back to the seven hyper, pouty kids. I'm hoping Gray got them to bed." He left, going back to the campers. "Please tell me you cooked?" he begged as he walked into the tent area between the two joined campers.
"Nope. Had to deal with the demon that tried to attack the kids." Gray handed over the bottle of beer. "You eat?"
"No. Talked to Mom and Phil."
Gray shook his head with a sigh. "Do we need to help?"
"Hopefully not. I had two mini visions but little pain." He flopped down to sit and relax. "They pouting in bed?"
"Hell yes."
"Good. Thanks." They settled in to relax for a few hours. Then they'd have to change diapers, deal with paperwork, and then get up to do it all again tomorrow.
***
Gray was coming back from the overnight meeting in the US, limping all the way and bandaged heavily. He ran into one of their past dates in the airport and nodded at him.
"Gray?" he asked. "What happened?"
"We had an update meeting with Giles about the clean up of the old compound." He yawned then rubbed his jaw. "The demon that attacked lost and the humans that tried next didn't fare much better but I damn sure ache."
"You poor thing. Where's your twin?"
He smirked. "The kids."
"Poor man. Come along. I'll get you seen to and cleaned up, dear." He patted his hand as he helped him walk off. "Bags?"
"Don't I have my carry on?" He looked then pointed. "Carry on. Much simpler."
"That's always a good idea anyway. It means they can't lose your bags." Gray nodded, leaning on him as he yawned again. "Napped on the plane?"
"I tried so hard but the nice lady next to me kept poking me with a knitting needle for some reason."
"She probably decided that was flirting," he said with a smile.
"Could be. Some of her yarn did have blood on it." He yawned again. "Ow." His friend checked, feeling gently on his jaw. "Ow."
"Sorry. Right to a doctor instead of to lunch."
"Food?" he asked. "I can be sore for food."
"We'll get you something on the way to the doctor's." He looked at his bodyguard, who nodded that was fine with him and he could arrange it. He sent a minion to get a burger from the McDonald's up the alley. Gray moaned and hugged the minion, nearly inhaling the food as they walked. "I'll make sure Xander knows you're staying in town tonight to heal." They got to the rented limo and in, going right to the doctor he had researched. She moaned when she saw Gray, taking him in to deal with his injuries. Then they went to nap with cuddling and dinner. Then that night, Gray got to wear out some stress with the very squealy arms dealer.
***
Xander looked up as the local sheriff or whatever they were called walked into the room he and the kids were in. "Problems?"
"You're really Council?"
"*New* Council. We rebuilt it the right way."
"The one we called said you weren't."
"Hmm." He took his phone to dial. "Sonya," he said, putting it on speaker. "Who's there that answered the phone for the officer?"
"Um, I think Kennedy answered, Xander. Hold on, Buffy's here. Buffy, it's Xander."
"What happened! Kennedy said you got arrested!"
"For blowing up the assholes who were trying to snatch the kids," Xander said dryly. "Dirty agents."
"Wonderful!" she sneered. "Are the kids okay?"
"Yeah, we're all fine. The kids cheered me on. Toby got a slight scratch when one tried to grab him but he bit the guy back. The officer here needs to ask you a few questions."
"Yeah, that's fine. Officer, I'm the senior slayer Buffy. Xander's our normal guy with his twin."
"Why were they after him?"
"HYDRA," Xander said simply. "We helped find out that they still exist and were infecting a bunch of intelligence agencies. Including wanting to take out my parents, who used to work for one of those places."
"Oh, dear. Are you safe?"
"Yeah. Most of the time." He looked at the napping kids then at him again. "Dumbasses should've realized. We were in Africa for two years handling problems and nothing as nice as they were. Hell, my twin and I took out a full blown invasion at one point. No slayers, no military for an hour, us." The officer stepped back. "Apparently they didn't do their homework."
"You did what?" Buffy demanded. "I didn't hear about that."
"Duh," he snapped back. "Because you'd bitch about us being normal or my single eye."
"You're getting it when I find you again."
"Uh-huh. Watch me start setting you up with some of our dates."
"Ewww, gay dangerous guys. Find me a straight one at least, Xander."
"That's why there's bi people," Xander quipped.
"Point, but I still don't want to know if they compare. Anya shared *way* too much for me to want to wonder."
Xander rolled his eye as he leaned back. "As you can tell I am part of the Council."
"Yeah, I can tell," the officer said.
"Giles, some agent guys attacked Xander and the kids," she called. "He's under arrest."
"Not totally," Xander corrected. "We're just talking right now. Thankfully Gray's back somewhere in London so he can get the kids."
"Good," Giles said. "What happened?"
"HYDRA agents. One of them actually demanded that I start crying like a normal hostage, Giles. They did not do their homework at all. They had no idea about who I really am."
"Oh, dear. You lost your temper?"
"Oh so beautifully. I even had my axe baby. The agents sneered at my baby until a few ended up parts. Teach them to sneer at the beauty of my baby axe."
Giles cleared his throat. "Officer, his temper's still a bit high. Is he being charged?"
"We're not sure. We can see the self defense but he did make a rather big mess."
"He tends to go a bit toward berserker, Constable. But only when he's outnumbered or the children are in danger."
"Clearly," he said. "All right, let me tell my higher ups. Can you hold on for a minute?"
"Unless someone else turns off my phone," Xander quipped. "The kids are napping so that's fine."
"Sure." He went to tell the listening higher ups. They agreed that the guy had been in extreme stress with the kids there. He came back. "Do you know who any of those agents were?"
"The one that managed to drive off before that demon swallowed him was named Grant Ward. That's how we found out about HYDRA still being around. He had been SHIELD. So is my big brother."
"That's fine. Your twin?"
"No, my twin and I work together. We're the training team in Africa." He smiled. "We love our minis. They're such little hellions at times."
"I'm sure. So are my own kids."
Xander looked then pointed at one. "That one tried to keep a carnivorous demon as a pet." The constable smiled and shook his head. "Yeah. Had to have the coven distract them so we could handle it." His twin was let in. Xander stood up. "What the hell happened to you?"
"HYDRA tried to attack the meeting. Are you okay?"
"Yeah. HYDRA tried to get me down as a hostage. One even suggested I should start crying like a typical hostage."
"Fuck 'em. I say I call in a poker debt to eat the rest of them since they tried Mom to get Phil."
"They okay?" he asked, sitting down.
"Yeah. I checked when I was in New York. They're fine. Sarah's fine. The visions helped. Mom's mad at them."
"Let me know if I can help?"
Gray hugged him. "Of course we can help." He smirked at the constable. "Is my twin in trouble or should I take the kids to make them nap?"
"You can both go with the kids. We've decided that was self defense. Are you all right?"
"I'm aching and really pissed at them," Gray said with a smirk. "Fortunately I ran into a date last night. He was so nice. He even got me another piece of artillery for the next huge demon we uncover in the old building."
"I had no idea they had that many stored," Giles said. "Sorry, boys."
"It's okay. We've been making Grace do her lessons while she babysits by reading them to the kids and the coven's helped too. Apparently the nun at her school who thinks the Russians were working with Martians during the Cold War, so therefore Satan had to step in to save humanity by taking over as Kennedy, is still there. She kept herself from being expelled by taping said nun. Her mother's not amused at the nun either."
"We had one like that a few years back," the constable said. "She got expelled from the parish."
"Maybe it's the same one," Gray said. "Grace is under suspension for summoning a harmless imp to get the teacher to run away and leave them alone when she screamed about some girl starting her period unexpectedly."
"I'll call Grace's mother later," Giles sighed. "Thankfully the rest of the slayers are at the fallbacks outside of Buffy and Kennedy here and apparently Merideth."
"My mother sent me. Someone came to the door and told her I was in danger. So I fell back to here," she quipped. "Hi, guys."
"Hey, Merry," Xander said. "You should go be safe."
"I'll go with Buffy. I'm seventeen. I can handle patrol."
"Merry, these are dirty agents who believe in restructuring humanity so the racists are on top," Gray said. "They nearly took me out, they tried to grab Xander and the kids earlier. Tried to grab our mom, and she's a goddess of intelligence work. You're seventeen and we'd love for you to make twenty."
"Yes, guys. I'll go when I can."
"Thank you for having sense, Merry. Buffy, Kennedy, we should remove you two as well for your own safety."
"They come here, I'm calling a poker debt," Buffy called. "Or Willow."
"Don't make us come put her down," Xander warned. "Hiding, much better."
"Fine. Whatever."
"Thanks. Have a better day, guys." He hung up.
"Go ahead back to your camp, guys." They left together with the kids. Thankfully Xander had grabbed the stroller. They left together, getting dinner and beers for later. The kids woke up long enough to beg. A lot. Toby's pitiful sniffling got him candy from someone else. The parents were amused but they'd handle it later.
***
The demon that had swallowed Grant Ward coughed him up, watching as he choked and spluttered while trying to get to his feet. "My Queen, the tainted one for you. Some of his people wanted to make deals and I knew you needed more minions."
She smiled, coming down to look him over. "It is an interesting proposition. We'll have to see how well he proves his worth to me." She patted the demon on the head. "Very nicely done, dear. Thank you for sparing those twins work." He beamed and bowed then left. She smiled at the human. "Yes, you will have to prove your worth and then we'll listen to your demands and wishes." She strolled off. "Follow." He did, still trying to get the demon spit off him.
***
An officer came up to the blended family the next night. "Are you guys gypsies?" he demanded.
"No, we're Americans," Gray said, smiling at him. "We're camping because we're cleaning up this mess. If anything gets out of the rubble it'd be up to us to stop it."
"Oh." He scowled. "So you're watchers then?"
"New Council," Xander said, coming out with a dishtowel over his shoulder. "We rebuilt it after the First Evil blew it up. We made a lot of changes to protect the girls and others." He stared at him. "Frankly, we camp because we're the training team for Africa." The officer walked off shuddering. "Have a nice night, Officer." He went back to the dishes since it was his turn.
Gray shook his head, looking back at the kids all curled up together in his camper. They were nicely sleeping but one was crapping so he got up to change them then came back out to relax. They were still sore from the last few demons of the day. Grace was asleep in Xander's camper to get away from the kids for a bit. The coven would be back in the morning, they had a motel room in town. So it was him and his twin, and the ringing phone. "Hey," he said.
"What did you two do when you met Phil?" Ivan asked.
"Well, there was only me then," Xander admitted. "We sat down in a bar to have a beer. I had found the files because I got nagged into helping the adoptive parents clean out shit to burn and sell. A lot of that was literal by the way. She had stool samples she had saved." Ivan groaned. "So I had a poker buddy interpret some of the file for me and had them find Phil for me. I casually ran into him one weekend and started with 'you're my big brother'. He thought I was talking about some sort of big brother/big sister program until I showed him the file. Then we had a drink. He understood fully why I wasn't looking for you guys to protect you. He does the same thing."
"He does. But you two got along well?"
"I think he went back to his hotel room and swore about demons but otherwise yeah. Did he say differently?"
"He said he was upset about them making you but he did indeed swear about the demons. He was very peeved at the people who made you, he said he went looking for them but most had been moved."
"Yeah, they moved them to Surrey. We found the same people were the ones who made the kids."
"Wonderful," Ivan said. "Have you two really sat down and talked since then?"
"Yup. Just before we left for Africa and he went to New Mexico, we sat and talked about things. He was complaining about the baby agents. We complained about the slayers. He decided we had it worse. Then had most of a glass of beer while thanking God his agents weren't teenage girls who wanted to shop."
"Probably because of eighteen girls in a house with one bathroom," Gray added.
Ivan laughed. "I can see why. The slayers are a bit bouncy and young. Full of energy."
"Yup, and they all think we're normal," Gray said dryly. Their father laughed again, but he had to know how that went. He had women around him who underestimated him too.
***
Merlin, Arthur, and Phil were meeting, though Phil was in his command plane hiding from his former team. The video conference was a nice thing to have. It let Phil hide safely away from someone like Steve Rogers kicking his ass for being alive. "How are you going to train the younger agents in how to handle demon emergencies?" Arthur asked.
"Easy, we test the methods on a certain brash young lad that gets along well with them already," Merlin said. "I adore the twins for the chaos they bring but Eggsy should be able to handle them better. They can train him. They might even train a few of the others if we ask."
Arthur considered it then nodded. "Suggest it to the twins."
"Make them think it's their idea," Phil said. "They would if you asked but that way they get some sneaky thinking time. Are we tracking who they date?"
"Hell. Yes," Merlin complained. "Already had one show up. Thankfully we had warrants for her so we got her before she got them. The kids might warp her too hard."
Phil smiled. "The kids are little hellions but they're sweet about it," he said. "Made Mom totally quit nagging me twice in a day."
"I was listening to that," Merlin taunted with a smirk for him. "I recorded it for later laughter."
"That's nice of you."
"Also, the boys reminded their boss of you."
Phil looked up and sighed, shaking his head. "Did they remind him of you too?"
"Not yet, lad." He smirked a bit more evilly. "I'm sure they will."
Arthur shook his head. "Wonderful. Do we know this bloke?"
"Met him in college," Merlin said.
"I was on break from my first bout of training in the Marines," Phil said. "He was fun."
Arthur sighed, looking at Merlin. "He was fun," he agreed. "Back then he was still wrapped up in black magic too."
"I don't need to know," Arthur ordered. "We do not like magic."
"Neither do I, but I can't ignore it too often with the way the witches pick on my brothers," Phil said.
Arthur shook his head. "Back to the topic at hand, boys. How do we get someone trained to handle demon things?"
"We let the twins do it. They're good at it," Merlin said. "The girls in Africa are some of the strongest slayers. Even the babies one."
Phil nodded. "The ones from the US are a bit spoiled. Have we sent any former agents or agent trainees over?"
"I'm gathering six together to offer for them," Merlin said. "You?"
"Sixteen agents who wanted out of the hell that's coming. Only one was HYDRA."
"Wonderful. Did we ever find out how much of SHIELD was compromised?" Arthur asked blandly.
"Eighty percent and they've tried to get into the specialty weapons vaults. Thankfully we had those moved," Phil said with a smile. "Nick was very surprised at that."
"I think he's still amazed at his living self," Merlin said. "Your mother wouldn't normally leave a living victim."
"He's too important right now. Then she'll take him out. Though Nick has threatened me to be his heir to SHIELD."
Arthur shook his head. "It'll drive you nuts, Phil. It does me. I definitely didn't want this after I got out of the hospital."
"Shut up, Harry."
"Fine, Merlin."
"I'll suggest the twins try to do some training with the agents you guys have. Clint could probably use some too," Phil said, smiling at them. "That would protect them." He sent a text message to his little brothers. They agreed it might help but they were exhausted because of that building full of hell. "Hmm. That building had a lot of issues?"
"From what we've heard, they've found so many loosed demons they can rebuild hell," Merlin said. "The coven's been helping."
"Great." They shared a look and Phil smiled. "Clint's not busy." He sent him a text message about going to help the twins deal with all the demons. His 'please don't make me do that' back made him grin. "Awww."
***
The twins looked up from their date, smiling at the saving guy walking towards them. "We need to check on the kids."
"They're fine with my guard," the man huffed.
Xander looked at him. "Your guard has never seen a kid, much less changed a diaper." He got glared at. "Your choice, dude. We can check on them or we can have a huge problem."
"They've already got problems. I had to save the kids from a female that wanted to coo over them, boys." The bad guy glared at him. Clint Barton stared back. "My boss said to come find his little brothers."
"Who had them?" Gray asked, sipping his water. This food was grossly hot and mealy. It was like eating hot pepper mush. "Why can't they use flavors other than hot?" he complained quietly. He ate some bread, looking at Clint. He held up a picture.
"Oh, damn it, Sylvia's out." The bad guy shuddered, shrinking down. "We can go get her off the kids. She did want to adopt them."
Xander nodded, finishing his water. "Sorry, Billy. We've got to save the kids before they become evil. We'll try to save Greggory too." They got up and left with Clint, going to save their kids from everyone. As it turned out, Sylvia was crying in the corner, Greggory was huffing in another one, and Eggsy had the kids. "What happened?"
"Was tracking her," he said with a point at the woman. "She really adores the kids. Brought 'em candy."
"Yeah, she wanted to adopt them," Xander said, looking at Greggory. "That restaurant's food was just hot, not good," he said quietly.
"I'll watch out when I get the leftovers, Xander." He gave him a hug. "Some day I'll make the boss quit stalking you so I can steal you from him." He took kisses. "I had no idea how to handle the diapers though so it'll be after they're potty trained." He left.
Sylvia snorted. "Weak. I should train him better."
"He's actually a financial genius," Gray told her. "His boss isn't using him right but Greggory is our financial advisor."
"He does our savings and potential retirement account," Xander agreed with a smile. "What else did you bring the kids since I can see an insulated bag."
"I found someone had some of your blood. It's been properly stored," she said, standing up and coming over. The boys hugged her. "I got the nasty little germ doc back for you."
"How did he get some of our blood?" Gray demanded, cuddling her.
"His notes didn't say beyond it being handed over for testing." They kissed her. She smiled at the kid that had just swatted her. "I'm nice to you guys."
"You bad girl," Sascha said, blinking up at her. "Daddy need good girl who plays."
"Yes he does but girls like me think he's like candy." She hugged the baby. "Let me disappear before the *archer* had a fit," she huffed.
"He works with our big brother," Xander said with a smile.
She stared at him then at Clint then back at the twins. "Your big brother's an avenger?"
"No, our big brother's Coulson," Gray said. She whimpered, shaking her head.
"Which is why I'm here," Clint said dryly.
"Well, I'll gladly run and hide from him. I know he doesn't love me. I'll state my case better so he gets to know me better." She strolled off, pinching Clint's cheek on the way. "You're adorable and you would look very hot with the twins."
"I'm steaming hot without the twins. With them we'd break the thermometer."
She moaned. "Yes, you would." She got into her car and drove off.
Eggys handed over the kid he was calming down. "Let me follow her."
"She always stays at the Savoy," Gray said. "One of the butler-like guys they have is a distant cousin. It lets her hear family gossip."
"Good ta know. Thanks." He left smiling but shaking his head.
Clint looked at the twins. "Phil said to come get you guys to teach me how to handle demons."
"We can do that. There's been plenty in the building," Gray said, going to his camper. "Let me get diapers."
"Sure," Xander agreed, looking at butts. "Someone needs to go potty." He pointed. The bigger kids ran for them and one had to change. "Accidents happen," he said, hugging that one. "We know accidents happen. It's all right. Try harder next time." He nodded, pouting some. He got one of the babies to cuddle until they changed her. Then he stole her back to sit down and cuddle and babble at.
Clint grinned. "They're good kids."
"They try really hard," Gray assured him. The kids finally got put down and they came out with their hunting packs. "I'm sure you've seen some of these. Find something you don't know and we can teach you about it then run a short sword tutorial."
Clint got into the packs, finding something he didn't understand. They went over how you used them to pack speciality holy water hand grenades. It was something important he could use elsewhere.
***
Eggsy got sent back to the twins the next day. "Merlin said I had to learn how to handle demons."
Gray smirked at him. "No matter how much flippy running stuff you can do, fighting demons takes stamina. Lots and lots of stamina."
"The two battles I helped with were long," he agreed. "I handled it okay."
Gray snickered, shaking his head. "Both were really short battles because we had artillery. We've had battles that were seven hours straight." Eggsy winced, nodding some. "And most of them are strong and faster so the flippy stuff won't always help."
"Good ta know." He settled beside him. "Are we hanging out today?"
"No, we're waiting on the witches to come back from crying over their member that got injured before we do more than taunt the demon trying to get out of the rubble." He pointed at the snout sticking out. "He's a people eater and took a nibble of a witch's ankle while we were handling his mom, who had been trapped while pregnant. We haven't even gotten near the bad vault yet but we've had a lot of them so far. So we're expecting the vault to be like when we walked into the hellmouth to do battle with the First Evil." Xander came back with drinks for them from town. "The witches okay?"
"Yeah. She'll be fine. They can't rebuild the missing parts but it didn't interfere with the bone so it should heal. Eventually." He flopped down, taking the babies to cuddle. "Are we missing one?" He pointed at the toddler that was trying to climb Eggsy to get his hat. "Toby, be nice."
"He's fine," Eggsy said. "How did you two build the stamina?"
"We jumped in," Gray said. "We made Buffy take us on patrol when our best friend and near soul piece got taken and kept going until that thing was dead, then had to keep going because one little, blonde thing shouldn't do it on her own."
Xander nodded. "We built it through that, construction work because we used to, and patrol. Plus Anya." He grinned. "She was a great stamina builder."
"Try to date a nympho once. You'll figure out a lot of where your boundaries in bed are," Gray agreed. "She wanted some freaky stuff we had to disagree existed."
Eggsy smiled, nodding. "Good ta know."
"We nearly married that nympho," Xander added. "Left her at the altar for her own good."
"So she got her vengeance demon job back for a bit." The demon trying to get free whimpered. "Is there a way we can release it without it eating the locals?" he asked Xander.
"Not that I've noted. I called Giles and he said not that he knows of but he'll look. It's still a baby and I feel weird about that too." Clint strolled over after getting out of his rental jeep. "The witches back at the hotel?"
"They'll be back tonight. They thought you could handle this one yourselves."
"Probably but it's a baby and we'd like to banish it instead of killing it," Xander said.
"Can you do that without help?"
"Yeah but magic goes weird around us," Gray admitted. "Willow's especially." He pointed at her. "Clint, young dude, this is Willow Rosenburg." They both waved and Eggsy took off his hat to let Toby have it. The baby squealed and babbled, putting it on his head. "You look very cute, Toby."
Toby grinned, cuddling the spoiling one. "Candy?" he asked with a hopeful, begging pout.
"Not a bit. Sorry." He grinned back. "I'm not allowed ta have any."
"Shit."
"Excuse you?" Xander demanded. "Who taught you that word?"
Toby beamed at him. "Uncle Frank!" He ran off with the hat to show the others.
"Shit is a bad word," Gray called after him. "You can't say those until you're old enough to hunt demons yourself."
"Yes, Big brover," one of the other toddlers called. "Hatty!" She smiled. "Pretty hatty."
"Yeah, it is," Eggsy said with a smile back. "You guys can borrow it for now." They cooed and played with the hat like it was a stuffed animal. Only one tried to put it on. He looked up. "Think you can banish that one demon?"
"I'm hoping I can," she complained. They pointed at the snout. She bent over to look at it. "Don't look at my butt."
"You're not my type," Clint assured her with a smile. "I date assassins, Rosenburg."
"That's weird, and so do the twins." She got to her knees, looking at the demon. "Aww, it's a baby."
"That's why we wanted to banish it instead of killing it like we had to do the mommy when it tried to eat a witch," Xander said. "There's a few Pergols in there too. I can hear the furry pouting noise because they're being sat on."
"Can we lift this?" Willow asked, pointing at the collapsed ceiling part.
"Sure, but if it comes out, don't let it eat anyone," Xander said, him and Gray coming over to move it for her. They got out of the way. The baby demon whined at them, letting them pet it. "I know, little guy. We'll send you to someone who can pet you. Okay? Let Willow do that." A group of self-propelled furry balls rolled out. "Freeze!" he ordered. The demons all froze and uncurled to stare at him. "Don't go near those kids. I will kill your whole clan." They pouted and came back. One tried to scoot closer to Clint.
"I have no idea what to do with you guys. I'm used to dogs and cats, not balls of fur." That one lapped him so he patted it. "Thanks. Really." It rolled back when Gray walked over. "Poisonous?"
"No, just spit." He went back to help Xander set up for Willow out of the supplies they had rescued from the first few buildings. Then they disappeared through a portal Willow opened. "It's a baby," Gray called with a wave. "We didn't want to kill it." The portal snapped shut and they sighed. Willow looked, floating some of the stuff out of their way. That exposed a huge demon. "Hmm," Gray said, looking at Xander.
Xander sighed. "Get the kids inside the campers, guys. There's protections on it. Get the witches out here."
"I can handle it," Willow pouted.
The twins stared at her. "I've seen it take more than a coven," Xander told her. "Guys, now. Bring axes or swords. It's your first lesson." They got the kids inside and came out with swords. Xander took their special axes from Eggsy. "Thanks. They're our babies." They got a spare sword for Willow, who huffed. The demon was laughing. Then something small, that looked like a blob of jell-o rolled up it and over it, suffocating it. That demon died and Willow whined, staring at the mess. "Burn it," Xander told her. She set it on fire. Another jell-o ball came out. "Guys, change of plans. Napalm." He ran back to get it and threw it at the demons as the others backed off. It was nice the jell-o looking demon ate a few more before another huge one appeared. Xander looked at it. "What?" he demanded.
"You're fun."
"No we're not," Gray said. "Sorry."
"You don't have any artillery," he said smugly. "I can capture you. With your reputations, I'll gain much status."
"People killed big things for centuries with a blade," Clint said.
"Awww." It squinted at him. "Aren't you one of those costumed ones?"
"Yeah, thanks for reminding me I have explosive arrows."
The demon snorted. "Won't work against me." It stomped on the remaining jell-o cubes. "Those are tasty. I'll have a snack after I've tied you up."
Xander and Gray shared a look then back at the two trainees and Willow. "Beheader," Gray said. The other two nodded. Willow grimaced. "No slayers, so we gotta," he reminded her.
"Yay. I can magic it." The demon burst out laughing, shaking his head while showing off a protection amulet. "Well, shoot, I'll have to destroy that first."
The twins sighed and looked at each other then nodded. "The kids go to Merlin if we die," Xander noted. They lunged in and took on the demon. It was still laughing but batting at them. Until it lost a hand thanks to the twins. Clint and Eggsy jumped in to help. Swords weren't exactly point and shoot but it was pretty self explanatory if you've handled anything like a staff weapon or a wood chopping axe. They could get the finer points down later.
As long as they survived.
***
Big Brothers Unite. Or At Least Find Some Sanity and Friends.