Summary: Government people realize that they're pushing Xander toward the evil overlord they think he can be. Ooops.
Categories: Buffy Stories & Crossovers > Other Movie, Buffy Stories & Crossovers > Avengers Characters: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Word count: 15052 Read: 8843
Published: 10/08/2018 Updated: 10/08/2018
Shipping Out and In. by Voracity2
Shipping Out and In.
Phil Coulson, newly saved from all those fussing goddesses, sat at his desk and then noticed the new posting. He got up to look at them, sighing at the ones shown in that picture. "An assassin, a president, clearly a warning that making Xander Harris be creative is a dangerous idea." Melinda May leaned in to stare at him. "Did you realize that wasn't me?" he asked.
"Somewhat. He had a better sense of humor and seemed to laugh things off."
"He has kids, so that's probably why." He sat down again. "What did he do that I'll complain about?"
"He streamlined your paperwork. He removed the threats against Harris. Though for some reason he smiled about it."
Phil gave her a bland look. "His Xander is his mate and is the God Protector of Humanity." She shuddered. "Though they made the me there the God of Heros before they decided to marry them off against their wills." She was nearly clutching the doorframe. He grinned slightly. "You can tell others that the Xander Harris that was president in his realm did go stop Lavelle from traveling for a bit by paddling him. Especially for spreading those goats to multiple realms."
"Goats?" she asked.
"Omnivorous goats that will eat people as well."
Groaning happened up the hallway. Melinda looked up there. "Have we spotted some?"
"Yes," Doctor Simmons called. "They're adorably cute and in England sucking up to some confused farmers."
"Good to know," Phil yelled. "They'll eat people."
"They found that out. They have no idea where they came from."
"That same Xander that dropped off that picture," Phil called. "Though he was paddled by the version of Mr. Harris that was voted in as president against his will." Up the hall more groaning was heard. He looked at Melinda again, grinning slightly. "If anything it should tell you that Xander Harris is very creative."
"Apparently so," she agreed. "We have him as 'quit pissing him off' on his file. Oh, and to let him date because he's getting things for the slayers usually." She walked off to look at those goats. They sounded weird. They were cute goats, but they were trying to eat a scientist trying to study them. "Are they human realm goats?"
Simmons shrugged and sent in that suggestion to someone. They sent back a file for her. She read it over, shaking her head. "No. They're alien goats." She looked at the other woman and smiled. "And very adaptive. One's eaten a pig, a herding dog, and tried to eat a scientist studying them."
"Coulson called them omnivorous and cannibal." Phil walked in, handing over some papers before walking off. "Where did those come from?"
"The me that was filling in while a few goddesses treated me like a grandchild," he said as he walked off.
Simmons looked confused. "What?"
"That Coulson we had for the last two weeks? Wasn't ours. It was another version who was apparently the God over Heros on his realm and was married to his version of Harris, who was a Protector of Humanity god." Simmons moaned, shaking her head. Coulson came back with his bottle of tums to share. "What else was going on in that realm?"
"Captain America had taken over co-heading SHIELD with the woman who ended up marrying Doctor Banner. Apparently Miss Summers' mother there survived her brain cancer." Melinda gaped in horror at him. "Fury was a ferret for plotting against the Avengers. Being watched over by the me there's children but still a ferret with an eyepatch." He gave her a pointed look. "He considered this a nice vacation because his father-in-law Loki was plotting something nasty that would get him turned back into a pageant girl so that me coming here let that me set up temples to him here. It gave him a new problem to handle suddenly with his husband Ares. He had to figure out how to handle all that instead of plotting."
She blinked at him while Simmons slowly sat down. "The kids were all in school so he was missing having little kids to talk to instead of trainee agents. That's what that Harris mostly did, train second-step agent trainees and ones for the Stargate program." He licked his lips then shook his head. "I thought about sending an agent to help Harris but I'm not sure he'd end up sane after following him into battles for months on end. Apparently the elder Summers woman had reformatted a lot of things as the senior assistant to Nick Fury. She and Maria apparently got along well enough but Joyce only did paperwork things.
"She was the motherly sort that would sedative dart you on the floor of the helicarrier if you swore in front of her." Melinda burst out in hysterical laughter. "Between that and idiot scientists that had *ideas* he had a few long months and this was a nice vacation for him. And it let his husband go fuss over a surprise for him when he got back. Also, we need to look into a few teams from there to see if they're here."
"Are you our Phil Coulson?" Simmons demanded.
He nodded. "I made sure. I just spent two weeks being fussed back into good health by a bunch of hearth and healing goddesses. I ate a lot of good food, and cookies, and salads. I got a lot of rest because they enforced nap time."
Melinda reached over to pat him on the arm. "It did heal you?" He nodded. "Then we can see if he has other ideas that need to be watched over."
"We need to make sure that Lavelle didn't do more than hand over that picture and send some goats this way." He handed over a packet of information in a folder. "Someone found out how to turn that on and that Phil was dealing with some of their problems having it turned on. And Reed Richards." He walked off. "If so, we need to keep them quiet before they're kidnaped."
She read it over with Simmons, who input things into the computer so they could figure out if they had any sufferers here. They needed to find an antidote before someone like AIM got hold of it. Though the note that floated down said that Ares was amused that some of his idiots were infected and now praying for mercy from him for it. It made their life more exciting but weirder. Basically what they expected from a Xander. And to ask their local Xander if he *really* needed all that naqqadah he had rescued from that other realm.
Melinda walked the note to the office to hand over then went to take a rest. Clearly, it was SHIELD naptime. Coulson must've brought that compulsion back with him when he was rescued from those goddesses.
Coulson looked at it then up. "He rescued what?" he asked, looking confused.
"It's a show," Simmons called. "Stargate, sir."
He looked it up, then watched the first few episodes. He stared at the last one then looked up. "Thanks for the warning, Lord Ares." He waved a bit. Then he went to find a phone number for Harris. If not, he'd have to go meet him somewhere to talk to him about his collection.
Erik was back in Wakanda before he lost his mind. He put a picture in front of Shuri. "That's a tv show," she said with a smile. "It's not bad but not totally scientific and it supposes we have a lot of science that we don't have at the moment."
He put down a second picture of him in front of the Stargate. "Another Xander wanted to travel to loot mystical artifacts." He walked off. "I'm going to shower off the slimy feeling from the last battle then drink myself into a coma. I'll give a report when I'm sober again."
"Of course. Thank you." She frowned at the picture with Erik, taking it to show her people. "Could that be real here?" They all shook their heads. "Then how did he get a picture of him standing in front of one? The show's off the air so all the props would've probably been taken or destroyed." They were still staring at it when Tin ran in with her new staff weapon, from the same realm, and bounced around Shuri to show it off. She took it to look at. "That's sweet, Tin." She smiled at her. "Where did Watcher Harris find it for you?"
"He and another him wanted to go traveling and find necessary things for battles." The mini slayer beamed at her. "It's for my birthday in a few weeks. They need to teach me how to use it."
"I'm sure we can," she agreed, hugging her. "Is Watcher Harris here?"
"Nope. He's off finding Ara and her daughter. Yewubdar is apparently doing something weird." She took her staff weapon back to hug. "It's very sweet and real warriors use them there."
"I saw the show that had some," she promised, patting her on the head. "Go show your auntie and Ayo?" She nodded, running off with it.
"Quit dragging the end," Erik called after her. "Hold it by the center, Tin." He walked in and handed her a glass of local beer. "The Xander that came to get the help had magic and was the head watcher in New York." He grimaced. "And they didn't have Thanos, they had a worse one." He walked off sipping his own beer. "Oh, and we left some of the cannibal goats there since we couldn't take the stargate with us. It wouldn't fit in Valkyrie."
"Why goats?" Shuri yelled.
"They're cannibals. They eat everything. Only chocolate keeps them from eating everything they can fit in their mouth."
She groaned, going to look up special goats. She found film of some that had been dropped off here. "Maybe we can put some near the shield," she muttered. "Train them not to eat any of our people. Much more compact than a rhino." The others of her design team walked her out to hand to her mother so she could get some rest or food or something to help her get back to sanity.
Xander looked up from fiddling with something as Scott walked into his workshop with Andrew. "What's up, guys?"
Scott pulled Xander away from the table, letting Andrew finish whatever he was tweaking. "We're worried you're getting a bit angry," he said, staring at him. "And a bit weirder than usual. We're kinda worried you're going to go full on evil overlord."
"Valkyrie said when I came back I claimed I was a lazy world domination expert." He shrugged. "Right now I'm just reacting."
"Uh-huh. By building really huge bombs," Scott said with a smile and a nod. "You need a nap. And a lover. Can we drop you somewhere so you get one to help with the other?"
"No. I can't trust them either," Xander complained. "It's really possible I can't trust anyone I've known."
"Buffy wouldn't sell you," Andrew said. "Unless it'd save the slayers a battle."
Scott frowned at him. Then at Xander, who nodded. "That sucks, kids."
"Yeah but reality does," Xander said then grimaced. "Welcome to our world, Scott."
"Yeah, well, you need to come back to the normal world, where friends are mostly supportive unless you're doing dumbass things. Go shower and change. I'm taking to make you eat. You too, Andrew." He nodded, going to do that with some of Xander's clothes. Xander got his own shower and reclothed. Scott brought him home to his daughter and ex-wife, smiling at her. "Hey." He kissed her on the cheek with a grin. "This is Xander and Andrew. They're watchers."
"Is our daughter a slayer?" she demanded.
"No, Mom," Cassie called. "I wanted to ask them questions for a report though." She leaned out of the kitchen. "I didn't even get a chance to email. Did the precognitive stuff work with that weird magic?"
"No, honey," Scott said, patting her on the head. "Cassie, these are Xander and Andrew."
Her eyes went wide, staring at Andrew. "You do technomagic stuff." He grinned and nodded. "Cool! Can I ask you stuff for my report?"
"Sure, I don't mind. Xander's the head watcher guy in Africa."
She blinked at him then at Andrew. "That's normal stuff though. Thanks, Dad, it'll help me a lot. I might even pass social studies." She dragged Andrew off to the kitchen to talk to him.
Xander looked at Scott, who grinned back. "I know I'm normal."
"Xander, you and Erik blew up three blood hunting groups that wanted to infect half the people in the world with bad things. With just you two. Usually that takes most of an army and a few years." He looked at his ex-wife. "He thinks that's what normal people do."
"No, I've never hurt anyone but a mugger in my life," she said, looking confused.
"Can we eat?" Scott begged. He was giving her a look of desperation. Xander really needed to be around more normal people to see how unnormal he was. And maybe to calm him down some.
"Yeah, I'm making spaghetti for dinner. If that's okay?"
Xander shrugged but smiled. "It's not dried grub worms made into gumbo. Did that last year." She walked off shuddering. He stared at Scott.
Scott grinned back. "This is my former wife. She's calm, won't try to take your blood, sell you, kill you, or try to sex you up," he finished more quietly to make sure his daughter didn't hear. "Knowing some nice people can help you destress. Really. C'mon." He walked him off to the kitchen so he could get his wife to show Xander what normal, average people were like so he could relax around them. He would've done the same thing to the other heros he worked with. Which Xander was one of but he didn't wear spandex.
Xander kept giving him funny looks but he did slowly relax and act more like a normal, average person who wasn't uptight and on some terrorist's list.
Maybe he'd introduce him to Barton soon. They might get along well.
Later that night, his ex-wife pulled him outside for a minute. "Xander has some serious burnout," she said quietly.
"Yeah," he agreed, nodding some. "And he's been told he's really normal a lot too. Knowing you means that he sees what normal people are like and that he can relax around them." He grinned.
She nodded. "He could use more normal people."
"He could just use people," Scott said, shifting to look inside. Cassie was making them play a game with her. Then he looked at his ex-wife again. "He's the only watcher in Africa."
She grimaced. "I feel really sorry for him then. Are you going to turn into a Watcher?"
"No, he and I work on his ship, Valkyrie." He looked around then pointed. "That's her." She looked then stared in awe. "Me, Andrew, and Xander built her in the future."
"Ah." She nodded weakly then looked at him again. "Bring him by more often so he has some calm, peaceful time. Maybe it'll discourage Cassie from turning into you."
He grimaced. "I..."
"No. She does not wear your suit, Scott."
"I think she'd like Hope's better," he admitted. "She can fly then."
"No," she said slowly and clearly. "I do not want our daughter saving the world. I'd lose her."
"Point. I don't want her to have to do it. If she chooses to...if it's for the right reasons..." He stared at her.
"Then you'd better come out of retirement or come back to life however comic book characters do and stop her," she said firmly. "I will not lose my daughter to that fate."
"Then make her a watcher?"
"I..." She grimaced. "That's about as soul sucking as being a hero but a bit safer I guess." He hugged her. "Just make sure she can't take yours or Hope's suit." He nodded, going inside to join the game. She looked up, sending up a silent prayer. Her daughter needed to be normal. Perfectly normal. Have a boyfriend, go on dates, all that sort of normal girl stuff.
"Oh, cool! A laser gun! Dad, you need one of those like Andrew has," Cassie squealed.
Her mother hung her head and went inside to try to turn her daughter normal. Maybe it was time to think about having another child so she'd get a normal kid who did normal kid things.
Xander grinned at her. "I make sure all my girls have as normal of a life as possible," he said quietly, getting a glare. "They get to grow up, go to school, all that, with being a slayer on the side if they so choose. A lot of life is choices."
"At least she's not genetically destined," Xander offered.
"True. I'd like her to have a happy life."
"It's a wish we all have for the kids around us. I'm waiting to see one of mine become a grandmother some year."
She patted him on the arm. "I hope they can too, Xander." She watched her daughter interact with real heros, including her father, and knew it was probably a lost cause. She really did have to have another daughter somehow if she wanted a simple, uncomplicated kid. Scott grinned at her. Maybe with her new man instead though. He was normal and boring but safe and constant. Scott...had that heroic gene somehow. With her luck, having a kid with Scott would mean she's have Ironman's heir or something.
Tony Stark looked up as his sometimes teammate Clint Barton walked up to him. "No bow?" he joked.
"Few things I got asked to talk to you about."
"My ex is now a watcher."
Stark snorted, shaking his head. "No."
"You know nothing," Barton said, pulling out his phone to let a video play. He put it in front of Stark. Who watched it, frowning at it. "They need people who can handle whatever their people can find that might work during battles. SHIELD suggested one but she's going to be working from home for at least a year due to injuries given when her husband found out she had been an agent." He stared at him. "You know who could go do the armory job the right way without endangering or harming the girls. They might be able to teach them how to fire guns too. The download they get from the slayer spirit doesn't include firing weapons."
Stark frowned at him. "Where did they get that artillery?"
"Their guy that's the watcher over Africa got it from a date. Apparently he dates that way a lot and they're willing to give him a discount so they don't have to fight a demonic battle on their own."
"I'd hate that too. The one that got brought to Wakanda was freaky."
"Yeah, that's a ritual based thing that takes multiple decades. She asked about that so we could file a report in case there's others. There's one trying to get there in Greece apparently."
"I...." Stark sipped his coffee. "I hate that they're called."
"We all hate that they're automatically called," Clint told him. "We like that they're not allowed to do more than train until they're nearly adults. I'd like to let them be nice, normal girls. Thankfully now most of them do get to be nice, normal girls for the majority of their lives. They just have self defense training, and then later they can opt into battles or defend those around their homes. Unfortunately there's plenty of things you can't take on with a sword."
"I'd hate to see that anyway," he said. He let Clint show him a few more battle videos, one of them making him glare at it. "Who's that?"
"Their guy in Africa."
"I saw him at the meeting in Wakanda after the battle," Stark said, pushing the phone back. "He was goofy and joking to break tension."
"Yeah, since then he and one other guy have taken out about ten terrorist cells because they want his blood."
Stark winced. "Did we...."
"No, that was someone trying to do something good and getting the wrong way done. There was actually a 'watch out in case someone goes for him, here's why' file that got leaked."
Stark grimaced but nodded. "I can see how that happens."
"Seriously, Harris is like a kid between you and me, Stark. He's a lot like me with your usual handling things methods, without the press. Everyone thinks he's really normal. Which drives him batty from what we've heard."
"A guy who can take out a terrorist cell isn't normal," Stark said. Barton grinned, pulling up another file to show him once he found the backup copy. He let him see it. Stark burst out laughing but nodding as the naked battle went on, and on, and on. "And people think he's normal?"
"Yup. Especially the slayers."
Stark looked at him. "Just someone to go take over the armory?"
"If they want to create, I don't think many would mind. And their hidden geek, Wells, might like someone to brainstorm with. He used to be part of a taking over the world trio. One died, one went nuts and got killed, and then he's backup the slayers as the housemother and building tiny battle robots to help. Though there's rumors he had something to do with some sonic cannon Harris had to use in Africa a few days back.
"Also, they might not mind some people who come in to train as a watcher. They took in two former SHIELD people who got disavowed for doing the right thing the wrong way. And one HYDRA guy who will not harm the girls because they're important for HYDRA not having to save everyone from demons. They'll work that out later," he said dryly at the dirty look he got. Clint leaned against the table with his hip. "Harris is kinda safer traveling to handle things because no one's going to take out the guy who's handling demon battles. They don't want to do it themselves if he's not there."
"Which I totally get," Stark agreed with a nod. "It's nice HYDRA came to that same realization."
"That and Harris said if they harmed even one slayer or their siblings or families he'd find a real hydra and let it play with them." He grinned. "He got a few agents who had tried to kidnap some slayers to get his attention with a local kraken. They even took pictures."
Stark blinked a few times. "HYDRA leaning?"
"Nope. Wanted what's in his blood."
"Yup. The girls could *really* use some backing up of people who wanted to *help* them handle things. Not take over and push them because you can't get rid of the calling. You can only manage it and protect yourself."
Stark slumped, thinking about it. "I know about six people who might fit with them. A few might be partially demonic."
"They work with the peaceful community," Clint said with a one-sided shrug. "Anything peaceful is good with them. Their head doc is a half demon."
"I'll call them and see if someone can introduce them to the people down there."
"Coulson can. He's the one that got my ex and her last ex-husband to go become watchers. She asked me to come down to run a crossbow clinic to help the ladies get better aim."
"Yeah, I can talk to him about some suggestions. Do they just need armory people?"
"Not much use for chemistry unless they're building bombs to take out huge portal events."
"Point. Yeah, I'll ask around."
"Metallurgy might help if you know a blacksmith," Clint offered. "To fix swords."
"Yeah, that might definitely help," he decided. "Thanks for letting me know."
Clint put down a paper with a grin. "Their next one in DC. In two days. They have asked for backup this time because the politicians are going to try to capture some of them."
"Yeah, we can go help the girls with that. Are they allowed to go to battles before eighteen?"
"Legally, no. All battles you have to be at least passed all your training and your year of training hunts. You have to be at least seventeen and graduated high school or the equivalent. They don't like to let anyone seventeen, but a few times they didn't have the girls necessary. They're in the back of the line." Stark nodded at that. "I let Natasha talk to the girls with me to see how they were treated. She was really happy that the girls were going to school, allowed to date, being normal teenage girls. With some extra training on the side."
"That's something I worried about. Harris said they had changed it but his local slayer that showed up first had a kid with her."
"Yeah, Ara. She's just turned twenty-one and got called at eighteen. Her husband left her because he found out she was called to duty and she had been about six months pregnant then. Xander showed up real often to protect her because she couldn't kick butt that way according to her when Natasha asked. Harris gets into a stupid level of battles because most of his slayers down in Africa are below the age of sixteen. Mostly below puberty. Then they only get self defense. All the other stuff comes after puberty and then training hunts aren't even an option before sixteen."
"I get that. It makes sense if they can't uncall them."
"They've tried, they can't. They all want to."
"Yeah, I'd like that too. Are they like normal teenage girls? All squealing and always on the phone?"
"I got pinched about twenty-five times in under an hour since I showed up at breakfast," Clint said dryly. "Even after Buffy told them to stop it for me." He grinned. "She told them if they kept it up they'd have to spar with me. It made a few girls have happy thoughts until the sparring and they won. Against Natasha too." Stark slumped, staring at him in awe. "Yeah. They get the download then have to practice it all. Two thirteen-year-olds went into fangirl glee over Natasha being a slayer icon." He grinned again. "She's still down there helping the slayers with stuff."
"I..." Stark cleared his throat and nodded. "Okay. I can see that. I thought it'd be really weird. Like Alice in Wonderland weird."
"Nah. It's like a sorority house I guess. There's a few witches but they're mostly young and in training. All the attention brought a few more uptight witches to help them with stuff. Though one was really upset that some of the girls didn't like pink stuff she had knitted. She traded with another girl who did."
"Yeah, I can talk to a few people who might be able to help," he decided. "Thanks for letting me know."
"I don't know anyone who might know someone uptight and moral who could help the girls." He nodded at Pepper when she came in. "If I find out more about that battle I'll let you know. Coulson has promised the girls would have backup to make sure they weren't stolen."
"That's important," Stark agreed. "Yeah, I can be there." Clint nodded, taking his phone with him when he left. "He and Natasha went to check on the slayers in Cleveland. Natasha's apparently impressed that they're normal girls who just have a lot of self defense classes they can't use."
"They're little girls!" Pepper complained.
"No. Apparently little girls aren't allowed in battles until they're eighteen," he said. "Barton was down running some archery stuff to help them with their aim. He said they were like normal teenage girls."
"I'm sure Natasha's trainers did the same thing," she complained.
Stark called Natasha over Skype. "Barton just told me that I need to suggest armory help and that the girls are treated well?"
"They are," she said with a smile. "Let me talk to Mr. Stark and I'll come right back to finish the stories, girls." She got up and took the call to the bathroom. "They treat them like they're girls, Stark. They're girls first and foremost and they protect them from everything. They grow up being happy children who have some self defense lessons I'd give my own anyway because the world is a dangerous place."
He nodded. "So healthy, happy, nothing like what you went through?"
"No. Not in the least. The girls are to have as normal of a life as possible."
"But young girls in battles," Pepper complained.
"No one below seventeen unless they're being attacked personally and at seventeen they have to have graduated high school and training. Most girls don't manage it until they're late eighteen or early nineteen."
"That one girl here in the city," Pepper said.
"She was a local and under attack; that was her getting away," Natasha told her. "And she was sixteen. The tinier one that was the first one attacked was younger but she was evacuating her siblings because some idiot agent was trying to capture them. He was exposed as an idiot right before he got shot for it. A few of the peaceful demons actually helped the tinier one get away with her family and got the older girl there to help. The local of-age slayer was in the hospital with a blood clot in the lung that day. The local watcher was trying to get there but he was halfway into Queens when the alert came across the radio."
"So they're good to the girls," Stark said.
She smiled and nodded. "They're excellent family to the girls, Tony. Buffy is a very overprotective big sister. Harris is a rabid big brother when something bad happens. So is Rosenburg at times. They will protect those kids."
Pepper sighed but grimaced. "I still don't like that they're called."
"They've been trying to make it not an automatic calling but can't figure out a reset." Someone knocked on that end. "Just a minute, Faith." She looked at Stark. "Did you get the stuff about Washington?"
"Yeah. I'll be there. I know a few people who could probably work in the armory too and I'll talk to them."
"Send them to Coulson so he can introduce them or get them near Harris so he can make sure of them."
"I can do that. Call if you need help." He hung up and looked at Pepper. Who was still grimacing. "As much as we'd like them to not have to worry about it, things will still feeling their calling and come for them. At least the girls are protected. And happy."
"I guess," she sighed. "I still don't like it."
"Neither do I. It's a job I should be doing, not a young woman." She nodded, patting him on the arm. "Can you find a few people for me?"
"I can do that. I know a few people who're mad that there's not enough people backing them up." She patted him again as she walked around him. Maybe they could find a way to uncall the slayers until they were fully grown. Thankfully when a demon showed up to tempt her to make that wish she shot it.
Xander looked around at his mess then sighed. "Well. Fuck."
A cough behind him made him turn to look at them. "Not my doing. I just got here and had to cast a banishment." He shrugged and pointed. "It knocked them out." He looked around then at the ship, which had sprayed everyone with holy water. He looked back at the general again. "Are you possessed too?"
"I hope not," he said. Xander turned and tried to unpossess him. It worked on his assistant but the general himself was fine apparently. He looked down at the field as people started to groan and move. "Are we sure they're clear?"
"I hope so. It seems to have worked. The holy water quit bothering them." He went down to try to depossess one person. Nothing. "So apparently the demon's gone or I can't find it at least." He stood up. The soldier snarled as he hopped up and tried to bite him. He shoved the guy off him. "I know you're not a vampire." The guy tried to charge again so Xander punched him, knocking him back down. "Is there a priest who might be able to do one easier?"
"We have a few priests," the general said, calling for one to show up.
Xander walked over to him, handing him the book. "This is the one I usually use," he said with a point at one page. "It works well on everything but I'm not sure if it got all the demon out this time."
"I know the Church has a few."
Xander flipped pages to find that one. "That's the one most priests use. If I don't use mine, I use this one or this one," he said, showing him another page. "Either of the first or last will get a demon out of anything, including a baby. Though never use that last one on a pregnant woman or it can cause the demon to flee into the baby and make her miscarry."
"That's actually good to know." He went to depossess a few moaning people. Nothing happened but one quit growling. Another shower of water came down and he managed to get out of the way. No one groaned at it. He looked at Xander. "Holy water?" He nodded. "That's actually helpful." He tried the usual church one. Then the last one the boy showed him. That made something happen because most everyone yelled and screamed but nothing seemed to come out. Though no one was growling. He walked back up there. "I think it's gone. I have no idea how to tell."
"I usually make sure they're back to normal," Xander admitted. "There's very few that will add a physical taint to the ones they possess. If so, most of those cases show differences in the blood."
"Like we heard you have?" the general asked.
"Yeah. When I got exposed to mermaid taint in high school." He shrugged. "I have very tiny flecks of altered blood, which looks kind of blackish under the right light." He looked at him. "Someone had to find out why the swim team was turning into monsters. Apparently the coach had chopped up a mermaid and was feeding it to us in the steam room."
The general shuddered. "That's disgusting."
"Yeah but it stopped them all changing and they ate the guy who did it, plus took the remains. They gave me a full blood transfusion to stop anything in me." He shrugged, grimacing at them. "It happens sometimes. Not like I haven't been splashed with demon blood during battles."
"Point," the general agreed. "We usually watch over the ones that help with field battles just in case they're exposed."
"I ask a healer at Goddess D'Isor's temple about every year or so," Xander said with a grin. "She's a really sweet goddess of fertility."
"We'll test their blood for the next few days," the general decided, looking at the priest, who nodded back. "Let's get this cleaned up." He waved and the medics showed up to carry people off. Xander walked off, heading for his pickup truck. One of the medics threw a dart at his back, knocking him out. "That will help. Our allies will be happy."
The priest held up his hands, taking the book with him. "I never saw that because I don't want destroyed." He hurried off before they decided to make sure he couldn't tell anyone.
Valkyrie saw it, of course she did. She sighed and looked at her other people. Erik was busy with a problem in country that had snuck in. Andrew was with the girls being nagged about making more food. Scott was in the middle of a situation where he had to expand himself with Hope helping. So it was not a good time for her idiot child/maker to be kidnaped. She had no idea how to handle this without a body. Well...no, that system wasn't working yet. She didn't have the robots done. Though Andrew had kindly left her a few to play with. They wouldn't help very much but one did have a tiny laser cannon. No, it wouldn't help very much.
But....she considered and checked her people again. Nope. Still busy. A slayer wasn't busy but her daughter was being cranky. And Buffy was just doing her nails but she was in Cleveland and Valkyrie really didn't like how she nagged Xander. And she had no idea how to raid places to rescue others. She considered Shuri, but there was no technology there. She checked Xander. He was being kicked around for daring to fight back. Well, there was no hope for it. Someone had to become unbusy.
No, still busy. Very busy in Erik's case and she wasn't sure that Scott could raid somewhere. Hell. How was she going to do this? She could destroy the building but it would get additional people. Too many additional people. Nope, still busy. Xander had managed to get himself out of that room and stolen a knife to kill a few of the ones trying to capture him. She could teleport the remote into his hand and did. He looked at it then used a button he hardly ever used. He summoned a weapon and blew up the building himself. Then he used the remote to disappear to a place he knew was safe. She took the truck with her as she flew after him. She had a good idea where he was going. But at least he was mostly safe. Injured but safe.
Slayer Ara walked into the palace in Wakanda, nodding at the king, her daughter on her back in a pack system. "Sire, have you seen our Watcher?"
"No. I haven't seen him in weeks. Not since he announced that we had caused the mistake that got him hunted. Has something happened?"
"Um, yeah. I got kicked out of my country because one of my people's generals decided to capture him for some American allies and Xander had to summon a weapon that blew up the building and everyone else in it. Probably something he found off-realm from that freaky show with the ring gateway and stuff from what Andrew's babbled about on our bulletin boards."
He raised an eyebrow, shaking his head slowly. "We've heard nothing about that."
"Hmm. Damn it. I was hoping he had gotten back here to hide and heal." She sighed. "All right, let me pause to use Tin's system to ask the other slayers. Maybe one of them has him in hiding." She turned and found Tin with her training aunt. "Where's Xander?"
Ara winced and her daughter squealed and kicked her a few times. "Calm down, Yew. I need those kidneys please." She looked at the tiny one. "Are you sure?"
"She used her magical cellphone to put up a notice that the Horse was there. Her people call him a white horse, like knights in pictures ride into battle."
"Yup, he's there then," she agreed. She reached back to capture the kicking feet. "Let me take her down there. Get hold of Canada for me please? She's on a date and won't answer her stupid phone. She was coming to see me soon and can't because I got told I had to move."
"That sucks," Tin said. "They're mad at you for trying to capture Xander?"
"Yup. Happens that way sometimes. Especially when he has to blow up a building to get free because everyone else was busy." Tin rolled her eyes but walked off trying to call that slayer. Shuri walked past her and did something to her phone, then redialed and handed it back. "Okay, let me get down south. Sei's people hate me but cool." She walked off. "Thank you, Highness."
"Welcome, Slayer Ara." He waved at her back, looking confused. "How big was the mess Watcher Harris made?" he asked his sister.
"The whole administrative building blew up because they had him captured to torture and do experiments on." She grimaced. "He was not pleased when he had to summon a weapon."
"I wouldn't be either. We'll make sure he can get somewhere safe. Maybe lend that country someone to handle battles since I doubt he would go back there to do that."
"I'd let them ask for help," Shuri said. "Not offer it blindly. They did it to themselves. They made the mess to be cleaned. Just like our rooms, we had to clean it up unless we asked for some help." She walked off to capture all the records that country had of Xander's body and blood. This problem she had accidentally caused was getting rabidly stupid. She might need to ask for help.
Xander opened his eyes from his meditation as the kid crawled into his lap, giving her a hug with a grin. "Hey, So." She squealed. "Yeah, you can help me meditate. I need an ease to my temper." He cuddled her while he went back to his meditative thoughts. He couldn't get very deep but he could at least clear his mind and let his thoughts drift for now.
"Daughter!" a man yelled.
"She came to make me less mad," Xander yelled in their native language. Her father came in and huffed at them. "She's great to keep my temper for me." He kissed her on the head and handed her over. "Thank you, So." She cooed at him and let her father take her off. Xander went back to his meditation until So came back later to make him cuddle her some more. He did that but didn't come out this time. So when he did and looked down, that was weird. "Hey, Yew. Did you get sent here?" His shaman mentor leaned in. "Is Ara here?"
"Your ship stole her. We've already called her mother. She'll be here tomorrow."
"Okay, sure. I can watch the fussy one." He shrugged and checked her over, taking her to clean up and change. Then she demanded some food so he did that, and she made him eat too by trying to feed him like he was her. They settled down on his pallet and napped together, her hands in his hair to play with it.
Ara parked and got out, slamming her door. "Valkyrie, warn me before you steal my child next time!" she yelled. The ship had to be somewhere nearby. She looked at the village guardians, who were grinning at her. "The ship stole my daughter. I'm assuming she's here."
"She is. The wild one is meditating with her in a tree. She demanded a tree."
Ara sighed but nodded. "He said she has healing gifts but I have no idea about why she growls and likes trees. She hasn't been possessed by a cat." She went to find her daughter. Her daughter stared down and then grinned and waved. She huffed. "Come down here please. Now. Before I tell the grandmother!" Xander blinked and stared down at her. "Can I have my own kid?" Xander shifted and swung down to hand her over. "Thank you. Now, you can come down too."
"I'm fine. She just got changed a few hours ago and had breakfast with me."
"Uh-huh. Down now, Xander."
"Why are you mad?"
"Your ship stole my daughter!"
"Then get mad at her." He frowned.
"And you're injured. I had to move because you're injured and you should've blown more of them up, but you're injured. So get down here so I can treat them!" She stomped a foot.
"I'm not your spouse."
"So!" She pointed with a free hand. He sighed but climbed down. She hauled him off by his arm to treat his injuries. The villagers and the tiny mini locally all smiled and waved at her handling the injured white guy.
Scott showed up at the palace a few hours later with a sigh, looking at the king. He held up a DVD. "From Valkyrie about why Xander had to blow up a governmental building." He took it to run in the throne room, grimacing at the end of the battle. "Apparently we were all in the middle of a problem so he had to rescue himself and then he summoned a weapon." He noticed Erik, waving him in. "We were all too busy to help when Xander got captured by people he used to trust." T'Challa let the video replay for Erik, who was growling. "He's fine. With the one girl that's in a semi-cannibalistic tribe somewhere in Middle Africa."
"Sei," Erik said with a nod. "We heard he was there."
"Ara's down there now with Yew and she's become a nag worse than Rosenburg according to the bulletin boards." Scott looked at him. "Apparently Valkyrie stole Yew from her car to send to comfort Xander by cuddling." Erik snorted but looked amused. "So she got there the next morning to him meditating while cuddling her up a tree. Ara's not real happy of a camper since they told her to move countries thanks to him fighting back. And they have a battle in a few weeks."
"Xander taught the locals there," Erik said. "They might be out of medical checks for the possessions we heard they had."
"Maybe," Scott agreed. "There's also one in the US, in DC, in a day."
"Boy won't go for that one."
"He's already promised to be there," Scott said. Erik winced. "And he's injured."
"Fuck. We can go talk some sense into the kid."
"I think that's why Valkyrie summoned me to let you know all this." He looked at Erik. "I need to be in DC to help the girls so they don't get captured."
"I can handle him. Send him back?"
"If I can. Valkyrie's ready to go into fussing overdrive." He nodded at T'Challa. "The one that's coming soon to that country can teleport and likes power. You might want to watch the altar area. Or the hellmouth."
"We can do that. Thank you for that information."
"Not a problem." He got sent back to DC to join with the others there. He paused to punch one of them. "That's for getting Xander captured and nearly tortured by a country who *used* to be trustworthy when they worked together. Pity about their building and military people." He walked off again shaking his head.
"Lang," Stark called, waving him to where he was having iced coffee in the sun with Pepper. "What happened?" he asked when he came over.
"Some agents decided to bribe a general that the watcher in Africa had worked with many times so he captured Xander and started to torture him. He got away but did it by having to summon a higher level weapon that basically decimated the building."
"So he's safely healing somewhere?" Pepper asked, sipping her coffee.
Scott gave her an odd look. "Xander will be here tomorrow for the battle, even if he's in huge amounts of pain. He doesn't trust hardly anyone to back the girls up because most of them have bad reasons to do so." He walked off. "I need to find Hope."
"She and her father at the hotel," Stark said with a point. Scott waved and went that way. He sighed, looking at Pepper. "Yeah, I'd do it too," he reminded her quietly.
"It's not good for the slayers to see."
"It's a reality they already understand, Pepper. He may not be using a battle axe this time but yeah, I figured he'd be here." He finished his coffee, nodding at the man staring at them. "Cap," he said. He looked at Pepper again. "What time do you fly out tonight?"
"Good. That way you can go back to Malibu and sleep all night."
Steve sat down. "Are you here to help the slayers?"
"Yup. They were worried that someone would try something," Tony said, looking at him. "You?"
"The same. Any idea which group would try it?"
"Most of them," Tony said. "There's notes in each agency in case they end up with a slayer in custody. Most of them start with 'take blood and DNA'. SHIELD's is worse. It starts with debilitate with a brain shot to cause coma but not death."
Steve tapped the table a few times but nodded. "Yeah, we can be aware of that. Any others of us here?"
"Two former SHIELD people who signed on as watchers. Morse is Hawkass's ex and the other is her last ex. One HYDRA guy who knows he won't touch the girls because that would mean HYDRA had to fight their battles and us." He smirked a slight bit. "They don't want that and Harris promised to find a real hydra to introduce them to."
Steve nodded. "Okay. Is he going to bother them?"
"No. He's sure it's a wrong idea," Stark said happily. "They don't want to deal with that."
Coulson walked past them. "He's still in traction, HYDRA has him listed as being with the Council but unavailable for any duties due to saving humanity. He's apparently making them look good. And I have taken out that set of orders Nick Fury put in, Mr. Stark."
"Yeah, it's still there and listed as active." He pulled it up to show him.
Coulson looked then grimaced. "That will be stopped. Is the main house protected?"
"Yup," Stark agreed.
"Good. Thank you." He went to talk to Rupert Giles since he had spotted him. "I just found out I need to remove a few of the agents I still have. Do you think the demons tomorrow would eat their tainted selves?"
Giles smiled at him, shaking his head. "These ones dissolve with a touch and then slurp up the DNA material as far as we know. Willow did a report on their skills last week."
"Pity. But I'm not against that. Are your girls at home safe?"
"Quite safe. They're also not at the center."
Coulson nodded, relaxing some. "Thank you for making sure. Let me know if I need to bring anything specific tomorrow."
"I"ve already got Miss Morse held back to rescue any girls that may disappear."
"I'll make sure she'll have agents she can trust to help her then. I'll have a few agents here." He went to talk to them. "May, get with Morse to help her with any rescues she might need to make." She nodded, texting her to let her know that. "Daisy." She looked up at him and smiled. "Join the battle. These ones dissolve and then drink the DNA."
"Got it, bossman."
"Thank you." He patted her on the shoulder. "Let me go scout the battle area for hazards." Before he moved he smiled at May. "Remove that action order that Fury put in to disable and then test any slayer. We know what makes a slayer now and we have no need to harm them or capture them for testing." She nodded, calling that order in. "Any that are found to like that idea, they can come here to be used as bait." He walked off. He really needed to go punch Nick Fury in the face a few times.
Xander showed up during the battle, leaning on a weapon. He pulled it up with a grunt, firing it off at the demons. "Girls, you should be wearing shirts!" he called. "They are not to touch you! You are not expendable!" They backed off and went back to firing off longer distance weapons. Buffy nearly got grabbed but Willow hauled her out of the way and froze a demon. Xander fired on them again, creating a mess. He handed that off to Scott as he pulled his axe off his back and dove in. At least he had a jacket on.
A lot of the girls had shirts on that had tears. He shoved one of them out of the way and took out the demon reaching for her. She huffed but moved with him. The girls moved off to his sides, creating a wedge. Scott figured out how to fire the weapon and did it to get Faith free.
She grinned back at him and they went ahead together. The battle was winding down when a few idiots decided to show up to take out the slayers. Not agents at least but idiots. Mostly with Confederate flags and rifles. The weapon Scott had worked on them too. The trucks they rode in on went up and the guys had to flee from the battle and the fire. Xander shot him a grin and nearly got touched but Faith shot that demon for him. He smirked at her and they went back to the clean up.
"Freeze by order of the US Government," a female voice said.
Xander lunged for the weapon and blew her stand up, making her squeal as she went flying. "Ladies, evacuate. They can clean up the rest," he ordered.
"There's some left alive," one of the slayers called.
"Go. Now!" he ordered with a point. "Evacuate! I can't rescue you today." They nodded and the coven members got them moved. All but Faith, who they could never seem to move. Scott grabbed her and they left to the ship thanks to his remote. Xander got a few others then left after Scott and Faith. They were floating in international waters. Xander leaned on a wall, sighing in relief. "We made it out."
Faith came out of the infirmary area, hauling him back to it. "You idiot. We heard you were injured."
"Yup, people who wanted to capture me to test my blood and stuff." He grinned at her. "They convinced a general I've worked with a number of times to capture me."
"We can leave Cleveland to the idiots," Faith decided, calling Buffy to warn her about that. All the girls in Cleveland got evacuated to the fallback in England. Xander got her sent there too, even though she protested. Scott got sent with her and Xander relaxed with a sigh of pleasure.
"That's not going to save you from someone checking your injuries," Valkyrie said.
Xander glared at her ceiling. "I'm fine, dear. They're all clean and bandaged appropriately. I'm not helpless."
"I know you're not. You're just cranky because you're injured."
"I'm fine." He rolled his eyes but went to make himself something for dinner then go back to bed to rest. He was tired. Valkyrie was lifting off again so he just sighed. He did need to go check on his minis. Hopefully he could sleep all the way back to Africa.
Phil Coulson weathered the horrified stares he was getting from the other intelligence agency heads. "He had me saved using alien materials," he noted.
"I knew that," the president told them all. "Thankfully since Coulson's in charge of SHIELD and it's running how it should be. Mostly." He looked around. "Let's talk about the problem at the battle yesterday, gentlemen."
"My agents were able to get the two slayers who were evacuated to a local hospital out of danger and to their people for evacuation," Phil said. "May and Morse both handled that for them. Morse is now a watcher trainee with Lance Hunter," he said with a nod at the president. "They do good work helping the slayers grow up to be excellent women."
"Good," the president said. "The guy with the weapon?"
"Harris," Coulson said.
"Not him, the other one."
"Lang," Coulson said, pulling up his file. "He's on friendly terms with Harris. We have a single note that Harris had written him in jail so apparently they met before then, sir." He pulled that contact report up.
"Interesting. Lang's an electrical engineer?" Coulson nodded. "So he probably helped build the weapons?"
"No. We have a noted report from Wakanda's slayer saying that our Harris and another one had went realm traveling before a battle to get something to handle said battle." He pulled up that report and the later one on the picture of doom. "Then a third Xander Harris appeared in this realm to hand over this picture in warning and put those cannibal goats into England."
The president read them and groaned. "There's a place where he's got my job," he said dryly. "Interesting. How? Wish demon? He doesn't seem like he'd like the political life."
"I asked the other me that took me hostage for a few days to heal me so he could fix a problem within SHIELD I hadn't known about," Phil said dryly. "That one's whole world's politicians, from every country, were taken out by a demon species who wanted peace. They felt that their current governments weren't going toward peace and that was the best way to achieve it. So they took out everyone above a governor and a few Supreme Court justices in ours.
"Then they elected the general that the Pentagon elected to take over until they could get a real election. They felt he was protective. It was him and a colonel under his command, then that colonel and their Harris was elected against his will as VP. Then he got to move up when they elected him there." The president was looking horrified. "They had seen how he helped the slayers and was spotted in numerous battles so knew he'd protect them."
The president nodded once. "If they do it here, we'll guide him toward a sane future rule." He looked at the others, who were making notes but looking kind of horrified too. "It could be worse. He could actually want it." He looked at Coulson again. "Do we have those beings here?"
"The demons? Yes but they're a very small group and under watch since we heard about that. There, they had started a full on group online to gather other pacifists who wanted peace. Many of whom weren't involved in the assassinations but were mostly humans."
"Well, if they start to build up to it here, let us know," he decided. "That general?"
"Have you seen a show called Stargate?"
"Slightly," he admitted. "Flipped past it a few times and know there's a movie."
"Their general in charge at that time was the one picked, and his colonel was under his command."
"Ah!" He smiled and nodded. "So, protective."
"Very protective, but it does dovetail with the question someone asked about that one weapon. When our Harris and that other one went traveling to find something for that battle, they went to a world where that program was defunct and got a lot of their stuff that they had hidden. Including naqqadah. The sonic cannon used at one battle apparently runs on it. I had someone ask Lang and he no commented until I asked him to make sure all the naqqadah was safely stored so it wouldn't explode. He said it was and they had a lot of ideas."
The president nodded. "It's usually a good idea to have ideas." Phil put a video of that battle on the screen so others could see what had happened. "That weapon...."
"They're looking to make it more useable for other battles," Coulson said. "Lang assured me that it was stored safely unless they needed something that huge. He and Wells were working on the plans to turn it down to a useable level."
The president looked at him. "The geek at the Council?"
Coulson pulled up his file. "Used to be part of a trio that wanted to be evil overlords. Two died and he's now backing up the slayers by building battle robots. Stark has asked a few people to audition for armory spots in the Council to help the girls."
"Excellent!" The president stared at him. "They handle huge battles with a sword."
"Can't behead with a gun, sir."
"Point. I guess." He looked at the other ones. "It's been noted that your agencies hold orders to capture slayers. Erase those orders."
"Sir," one said. "We need to know how they're gifted."
"Psychic download from the higher beings who pick slayers," Coulson said. One of the agency heads snorted and glared at him. "Someone asked an Asgardian down here about the Powers That Be. They're about the level of Thanos and they're the beings over the slayers corps. They pick them before birth and send over the psychic imprint of the former slayers. It gives them the battle knowledge they carry as well. We've seen copies of the account, as written down once writing started, of how the slayers got started, gentlemen. The Powers That Be are also the ones that send people visions apparently. Or at least in most cases. Harris' visions aren't from them but from another higher source."
"He's met a few hell gods in Africa and one flirty hell goddess," Coulson said dryly. "One of the hell goddesses actually stepped into the battle against Thanos." A few gave him odd looks so he pulled up a still image from that battle. "That is the Goddess Tiahla," he said with a point with the mouse. "She's a love and war goddess from another realm that got banished here. She's training warriors to protect her nearby people and some will eventually take over Harris' job as watcher down there."
He pointed at another thing. "That woman, we did not know until later, is not a warrior but was possessed by a local spirit of vengeance. She got it cleared later that night without any assistance." He put the mouse back in front of the president and pulled up files. "The temples he's found. Mostly peaceful. Or at least not harming the locals unless they're being problems. They take out poachers or those who try to attack others. One's taken out a militant group of Al Queda for bothering her local towns."
"That goes along with there's peaceful ones and not so peaceful ones," the president said. "Which we've seen a few times." He got glared at. "You can't doubt that a few of their species have hopped into battles when *your* people didn't," he said firmly. "Frankly, I'm still wondering why the military and agencies haven't hopped into battles. I wondered back in LA, I wondered all the way up to yesterday when a few SHIELD agents did hop into the battle."
"We had a few who had tried but they got sent off by the Devon Coven," Coulson admitted. "Lance Hunter most notably when a few happened near him."
The president nodded. "He's a good big brother for the slayers too I'm sure." He looked at the others. "So, when are your people going to start doing your duty to protect the US?"
"We've been trying to get the slayers into custody so they can be trained to protect us," one said.
Coulson stared at him. "The slayers handle more than the US's battles," he noted. "Also, they're young women with free will. Not everyone is meant to be in a battle, even slayers. They have the right to decide for themselves if they want to fall in for a battle."
"They shouldn't," that one said.
"And you shouldn't have a job with that sort of thought process," the president said. That guy slapped the table before getting up and walking off. "That's fine. We'll find someone decent to run your agency," he called after him. "Thank you for the verbal retirement announcement." He looked at the others. "The girls were in that sort of situation before the demons took out the old Council. Thankfully the new ones care more about the girls' lives than they did before. I'd hate for us to go back to that sort of problematic situation since the US doesn't condone slavery or conscripted warriors." A few more of his agency heads looked away from him. He looked at Coulson, who shrugged slightly. "The problems Harris has been having?"
"A lot of them are gone. He and Killmonger have done more than the local militaries or our military has done to end those sort of threats."
"Is he wanted for desertion?" another agency head asked.
"He was dead," Coulson said. "A ten-year-old witch down there brought him back after being possessed because she found out they'd need more warriors. He's helping his natal people in Wakanda and Harris. He would be training as a watcher but the demon battles creeped him out too much I'm told."
"Why would they do that?" the president demanded.
"Because down there, there's some regional militaries that're still learning how to handle demon emergencies, a few very young slayers, mostly under the age of puberty, and Harris."
"Oh. Yeah, the continent could use more warriors who handle it. What about those female warriors in Wakanda?"
"There is a mini slayer in Wakanda and she's joined their training classes to help her training. I'm told she's quite excited about training in self defense and is very happy with her training aunt."
"Oh, that one Ross mentioned." The president nodded. "That's good. She'll be able to protect her people and that whole warrior group will probably get information on how to handle demon emergencies." Coulson nodded with a slight smile. "He has trained some militaries?"
"Yes. Including the one that someone bribed to capture him so they could experiment on his blood. Which meant he had to summon a weapon somehow and blow up the building he was fighting to get out of. They've since retaliated for him fighting them capturing him for torture by kicking out their slayer in residence. She and her daughter are trying to figure out where to move to."
The president turned to look at him again. "They captured him?"
Coulson put up the film he had been sent by Ross via Shuri. It showed the battle and the aftermath then them darting Harris. It cut to interior security camera footage, marked with a location and date, that showed Harris fighting back against those who wanted to experiment on him. Then the twinkling of the remote showing up. Then the weapon showing up thanks to the remote. Then him leaving once he had made a mess. "They've made their slayer leave. They have a battle within the week and we're not sure how they're handling it yet, sir."
The president grimaced. "He knows he had something."
"He fell into a burial chamber."
"Oh, that incident." He grimaced. "So he's making sure no one gets any."
"Yes he is. He's had to fight off some blood hunters for others before they found out he'd be a nice target."
"How did we get that footage?" the head of the CIA asked.
"Agent Ross got it to me last night."
"Agent Ross....the one that worked with the Wakandans?"
Yes. It was also his 'watch out' file that got leaked so people are now hunting Harris. Princess Shuri had been warned not to test what was in his blood but she wanted to make sure it wasn't something that could get passed over during a battle from injuries. He put out a 'watch out for' file to make sure we all knew not to let him be captured. Instead someone in the FBI and the NSA leaked it." He pulled up that file. "The NSA has a hate-on for Harris. Has since the former Sunnydale group ended one of their projects out in Sunnydale that was torturing demons."
The head of the NSA glared down the table at him. "We did not!"
He pulled up the file's notes that Daisy had found. "Look familiar?" The head of the NSA read it and went pale. "Yes, you were upper management when that happened so you were probably aware of it, if not the whole thing then the clean up. Which is why your agency had two lower level agents about to retire sell that watch file to some of their less than savory contacts for a single file that was of no use to anyone about a person who had been dead for over a decade." He put that information up. "SHIELD was an investigative agency before we found out we were core rotted with HYDRA," he noted at the funny looks he was getting. "And I had been a senior handler for years, people." He looked at the head of the NSA again. "We really should note that you've done other treasonous things."
"I have not!" he yelled, standing up and pushing his chair back.
Phil raised an eyebrow then smiled slightly. "So you don't want to take out the people protecting the world from demonic emergencies because of your religion?" The man stomped off. Phil tapped his earbud. "He's on his way out, Melinda." He hung up and handed over a file from his bag to the president. "On the arrest warrants we got last night, sir. We were going to get them later tonight, after they implemented your orders."
The president looked through it, taking Coulson's tablet to look up those files included. He nodded a few times then looked up. "Only one's slightly less than rigid."
"That one's more based on his alternate identity that's in league with AIM," Phil said, pulling that file up. "Because he doesn't have a twin."
"Ah." The president read it over then handed them back. "We can work with their seconds-in-commands. I was already going to be firing a few of those." He looked around. "Shields are often shiny, reflective surfaces, people. I've seen Captain America use his to point light in a direction that needed it. Coulson has always been known to be a fan of Cap."
"Someone has to stand up for the little people, sir. That's why I joined SHIELD."
"Agreeable." He looked at them. "Let me make this clear. Do not touch the slayers. Even if they should come back to protect Cleveland again, don't touch the slayers. We're all supposed to be protecting the US and your people need to learn how to jump into battles so no one has to blow up an Army colonel again. Or any of those yahoos in that pickup truck brigade." He grimaced. "Shape up and help the young women protect us all so they don't have as many battles or leave the US. And leave Harris alone!"
"Yes, sir," they all said.
The head of the CIA looked at Coulson. "I've seen a copy of that watch file." Coulson nodded. "He did the right thing putting it in."
"Harris had warned the princess not to test his blood because he knew something like this would happen. He's been hiding it since the year after he graduated high school. And actually further back because he got exposed to demon blood while trying to figure out why some of the swim team was being changed into demons." The head of the CIA looked so confused so he pulled up a report on that incident from Miss Rosenburg.
"Willow Rosenburg was creating a history of the team and the slayers book for the younger slayers so they'd know." They all read it. He looked at the head of the CIA again. "When asked, Harris said that they ate the coach that did that and took the remains off to be respectfully handled. Yes, they do still exist off the Pacific coast and we've seen evidence of them in the Atlantic and around Hawaii."
The head of the CIA stared at him, shoulders slumped. "How?"
"We have no idea other than Harris seems to be a probability generator of some kind or another. Weird things happen to him or around him. At one time he dated a reanimated mummy who just wanted to live the life she was denied. He had no idea she was draining life force and when he did, he stopped her from taking out Slayers Summers by offering himself, but she couldn't do it."
Everyone groaned. "The man nearly married the former vengeance demon for scorned women, people. She had gotten fired and they nearly married. He walked away from their wedding for her own good." That got a few other moans. "Things like that only happen around him. If we find others like him, we'll be sending them to the Council or I'll take them into SHIELD."
"Please do," the head of the CIA said. "Damn." He shook his head. "All right, so we need to stop that. Has Ross been stopping it?"
"And feeding information on who saw that file to Harris so he knows who might be coming for him. They've been trying to erase all copies of it. He's been handling his mess very well."
"Good!" He grimaced then let it clear up. "I can make sure that agent is in a suitably safe environment."
"He has helped the Wakandan government's unveiling," Coulson said. "He helped when King T'Challa was briefly overthrown by Erik Killmonger. Then after that when they were settling things with the UN. He also helped with the aftermath of the Thanos battle."
"Is he more loyal to them or us?" his boss asked.
"No idea," Coulson admitted. "But I know he's amused by Harris."
"So he's a good go-between and he'll be watching for both problems," the head of the CIA decided, making those notes. "Anything else we need to discuss?"
"Has Thunderbolt Ross been released from being a pet?" Coulson asked. Everyone shook their heads. "He's presently a komodo dragon as of the last I heard. A young witch in training with the Council protected the slayers when he came to try to capture them."
"Can any witch do that spell?" the president asked.
"I asked," Coulson admitted. "It takes a lot of power. In that case, the young, meaning pre-teen, witch panicked and did it. It'd take at least three witches working together usually."
Everyone made that note. "I'm going to have someone going to the various shelters to make sure no one turned their boyfriend into a pet," one mumbled.
"The Amherst coven and the San Francisco coven both do that," Coulson said. "I asked after one of mine got turned into a cat by Rosenburg at a bar one night when she was sad."
"She needed a cuddle so she made a puppy?" the had of the FBI guessed.
"Cat but yes, basically. It was the anniversary of when she lost her last girlfriend. He was trying to cheer her up by flirting with her."
"Ah," a few said and nodded, making more notes on that.
"We're being guarded by a whole lot of weird, battle worn, and tired warriors," the president said. "That's the government's job for the most part. I expect you to make sure the girls get more time being girls."
"Yes, sir," they all agreed.
"What about Harris?"
"I send anyone I want Mr. Giles to hire to him so he can make a decision," Coulson said. "He's very good at it. He could use more help but not many agents can handle a lot of battles in Africa. It's even driven Harris to drink heavily for a few days at a time."
"So that goddess training warriors will be a lot of help," another one said with a smile for him.
"We hope so. Before he falls in a battle. The girls would avenge him but there's not many that could take his place."
The president nodded. "Can we give them more trainees?"
"They're willing to talk about it and let Harris meet the prospects so he can weed out any that would harm the girls. It's sad but even HYDRA put someone in there, and he's not going to harm the girls. HYDRA doesn't want to save the world from demons as they try to take over." He grinned slightly. "So they're more than willing to support the slayers' duty. Mr. Harris made sure of it by having a talk that consisted of a promise to introduce them to a *real* hydra if they harmed any of the slayers or their siblings." The president sent a picture down the table for the others to look at.
"Those ones were harming the slayers to get him so he gave them to some poker debts." You could almost see all the butt clenching going on. "There were others that were fed to a kraken he found down there and a few others. He will do what is necessary even if it's not technically a good idea. We thought he was going to turn evil. We nearly pushed him there and proved ourselves right." They all nodded. "Oh, the ship is sentient, from a future time zone, and will fire on agents if they harm Harris or Lang."
"Ship?" a few asked. Coulson put up pictures from Wakanda. "Ahh." They made notes about that too.
The president smiled. "She's finely conformed for a ship," he noted. "Very pretty."
"Bit smartassed," Coulson said. "But Princess Shuri seems to love to explore it."
"Ah," the president said with a nod. "It's good when women appreciate good ships."
The others just nodded and let it go for now. Those who would be arrested needed to pass on notes. The others would go pass on notes, get really drunk, and then figure out how to handle a bunch of bouncy teenage warrior women who protected them all.
Xander looked at his phone when it rang. "Yeah, Valkyrie?" he asked, answering it.
"Princess Shuri is demanding that you come back to Wakanda. The altar area has spawned a huge problem thanks to something injured landing on it and she's freaked out. Her mother is freaked out. Her brother is freaked out. Erik, the poor boy, is drinking dinner again."
"Yeah, we can go that way later tonight."
"I'll let her know. Can I send you now?"
Xander looked at the baby in his lap then at his phone. "I'm working with the newest mini. She's only eight months."
"Oh, dear. All right, I'll send you about dinner time then bring you back." She hung up.
Xander told that to the parents, who were giggling about it. "My ship," he said with a point at his phone. Then up at her. "She's very helpful to the slayers too."
They stared in awe at the pretty ship floating nearby. The baby squealed and waved but she was a happy baby anyway.
Xander walked into the palace later that night, handing over a head. "It was a gorgon." He walked off shaking his head. "I'll let people practice with my spare axes if you want."
"Please," King T'Challa called after him. He looked at the head. The stone head. "Don't they turn mortals into stone?" he muttered.
"That was Medusa," his mother said as she came in. "Aww. That was nice of him. Was that the only problem?"
"Perhaps." He put it aside then wiped off his fingers. "We should be able to get a report from the border tribe near there."
She patted him on the hand. "Perhaps some day Shuri will find a way to negate the altar." She walked off. The head could stay there as a proof that they defended against weird things.
T'Challa looked at it then moved it to a better display area. That way it wasn't near his throne in case it came back to life. He did send word to his mini slayer so she could come up to examine it. She might need to know some day.
Xander was with the baby slayer again, waving at the people he pulled up on his laptop. "This is our youngest mini here, Giles."
"She's adorable. Have you sent me her family particulars so we can watch out for her?"
"I did that earlier before I went to take out the gorgon." Giles scowled at him. "Brought by that altar area in Wakanda. The other two are hiding and will show up to help the locals with huge problems. I asked for their fealty oath. The one I had to get wouldn't and was trying to kidnap warriors to rut with."
"Oh, dear," Giles moaned, taking a sip from his mug. "Three?" Xander nodded. "Sisters?"
"Cousins. I asked to make sure they weren't Medusa and some sibs."
"Good!" He made notes on that. "Do I have a report on that?"
"A tiny one."
"Thank you. Is your youngest one in a safe, good family?"
"Yes. Her family's great. Her mother did some Peace Corps work. Her dad's a nice guy, very protective. He scowled at me for hours when I showed up to tell them about the special mole problem she has."
"That's fine." He made the note and printed off that email about her. "There, I'll have her in the books tonight." Xander grinned and waved the mother over, taking the little boy from her. "Twins?" he demanded.
Xander grinned and nodded. "And the slayer essence shines out of him. She's so happy with this one's twin brother." He grinned at the babies. Then at the laptop. "I can talk to her and did on the way back from that altar area. She's very happy that this one's a twin and her twin will be her watcher."
"That's reasonable and good for her support." Giles wrote on the email he had printed. "That's fine. I'll make sure no one says anything."
"We have a few other sets of twins."
"They tested their twins and none showed it."
Xander snorted, shaking his head. "The ones from Germany? Her twin does show the slayer spirit. She gets slayer dreams. I caught her lurking on the bulletin board asking about them and asked her some questions. She admitted her sister had it instead of her. So I pointed her at the meditation section for how to talk to the slayer spirit. She said her sister's spirit was good and strong but she didn't have the download. Just a link to the First Slayer."
"Interesting. Was the vision harmful?"
"For her area. I told her who to talk to and to go to Italy for a bit. You should have a report and if not she might've sent it to Henri."
"I'll get with him in a moment. Thank you, Xander, and I hope that one's very healthy and happy as she grows up," he said with a nod and a smile at the mother. "Let us know if she needs things." He looked at Xander. "Reports otherwise?"
Xander leaned over to tap a few things then use his touch-mouse. "Those reports?"
Giles looked at the new files and groaned. "Why are there seven?"
"There's only seven?" He waved and hung up, looking down at his slayer. "See, Giles is okay. Some of the other old liners are butts but Giles is pretty understanding. Buffy's been giving him an ulcer for years now so you can't even get into any trouble he hasn't sighed at." The mother laughed but took both kids back. "There, she's all noted and all you have to do is call us every few months to let us know how she's doing or call if there's a problem."
He shook her hand then the father's hand. "When she's about three or so I'll show up to teach her how to meditate and how to do tai-chi. It'll help with her balance and movement. Plus some of the bouncy slayer energy they all have." He put down three phone numbers. "These are your nearest slayers in case something comes for her and I'm not nearby." They all nodded. "And this one has a daughter that's just over two years now."
"That's good, they can play," the mother agreed. She looked at the fussy kids then at where they were staring. "What is that? That's why we called."
Xander looked then made a mouth clicking noise. The cat sniffed at him but stayed over there. "It's a wild cat but probably won't hurt kids. Kids are too big for it to go after." He patted himself down, tossing over some jerky he head in his vest pocket. The cat dragged it off. He looked at the mother. "All slayers love animals, like most kids." He grinned. "Yewubdar likes to summon stray dogs. She's got healing talents and likes to growl like she's a puppy.
"Her mother's allergic though." The father burst out laughing. "If it's harmful you'll know. They'll show up to stare at the kid and only the kid. Maybe her brother but mostly her. You'll walk in and find one sitting at the foot of her crib staring at her. Yewubdar has a hellhound that keeps trying to adopt her to protect her. Drives her mother nuts."
The mother nodded. "If we see one, we'll call."
"Good." He shook her hand. "Let me know if you need help. I hover over the minis because they're too tiny to protect themselves." He stood up. "Let me go on to my next one. She's just getting over chicken pox and is pouty enough that she'll draw peaceful demons to make her feel better. Her mother caught one telling her bedtime stories." The mother made a slight whining noise but nodded, taking their kids inside. Xander drove off, answering his phone when Giles called. "Yuppers?"
"Xander, these seven needed reports?" Giles asked mildly.
"No, but that's all you're getting." He grinned at the phone. "Because the real things would freak people out. Six of those seven went on around another blood hunter incident. The other one.... well.... I sent a report to the main line about that one because it involved a whole lot of stuff." Giles grunted as he got into that file then winced as Giles started to yell. He hung up on him and drove off faster. There were areas nearby that his phone wouldn't get a signal so Giles could not complain to more than his voicemail. Sometimes, technology did work in his favor. Especially when he was near the choas mages that had moved to a small village to live together.
Giles walked those reports to the book in the library. He handed them over to the watcher that put the reports into the book. "He said the rest of those incidences related back to the blood hunting problem he has and the single one that has two reports I had to nag extra out of him, and got from his ship." He walked off with a grumble of discontent and swearing at the young man who was like his son.
The watcher read those and put them into the official records. Then into the Book of Things Xander Handled. The slayers working in there came over to see what had happened *this* time. A few got a laugh. The one report that had two parts got groans and they went to get cocoa from Andrew to clear their minds.
Andrew came in to look at the reports then handed over one. "From the local slayer that was too far away. She knew they'd call Xander." He walked off grinning. "Just Xander handling things in a Xander way," he quipped as he walked past Giles and Buffy, who was being nagged about her skirt. "I can see panties, Buffy. It's too small." She pulled it down. "Still too short. You look cute in the My Little Pony panties though." She blushed as she ran off to change.
Giles went to hide in his room. "It's because he doesn't have any help," he said at the meeting of watchers in the hallway. "If he had more help he probably wouldn't get into those sort of situations."
The watchers watched him huff off to go rest and decided to go check the book. The book's handler pointed at the new book so they went into that one instead. One looked at the new two trainees. "Are either of you able to handle Africa?" he asked nicely.
"Not really. We still need to learn how to use a blade," Bobbi said. "I guess Xander could finish our training."
"No!" the book's handler said quickly. "Then you'll turn out like him! They'll think we're all like that!"
"Could be," Lance agreed with a slight grin at him. "We knew a lot of guys like that in SHIELD."
"Perhaps Rupert can talk to your former people to get Harris someone to help him. Before we have to mourn him. The girls would be quite upset." He went to suggest that to the poor guy in charge. They knew he'd have headaches from those young ones he had brought in. That's why they had put him in charge. They were his fault, he could have the headaches from them. Maybe soon he'd get to paper train the young man so he was a better puppy.
Xander looked at the village being overrun and pulled out weapons with a sigh, firing on all them. They were regional military but a problem. They fled from him. The villagers got to hide. Xander shook his head as he drove into the village. "Watch me summon something!" he yelled after the military people with a smirk and a wave. "Leave the normal people alone please! I don't need this shit!" They fled faster. Xander looked at a village elder, shrugging some. He had trained with their local shaman. "You rang?"
"Not exactly," he said. "But thank you, Xander." Xander grinned. "Are you here for a bit?"
"Few days. I'm hiding from nagging."
"Ah!" He nodded. "I'll let your trainer know." He went to find his people to make sure they were safe. The elder that had worked with Xander went to calm him down. He was a good boy, but a strong warrior with strong protective drives. He really needed something to take his attention at times. Too bad he didn't have a wife.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters or plot are the property of the author. No claims are being made as to the actions or orientation of the actual actors, and none of this is meant to say anything about them. No copyright infringement is intended. No money is being made from this work.