Summary: Some foreshadowing of future problems, and by doing that someone decides to prove that they're more manly about demon things using Xander. Boy can he yell about that.
Categories: Buffy Stories & Crossovers > Other Movie, Buffy Stories & Crossovers > Avengers Characters: None
Series: Treasure Hunting
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes
Word count: 13375 Read: 12439
Published: 11/23/2018 Updated: 11/23/2018
Plots About Hunters of Great and Small. by Voracity2
Plots About Hunters of Great and Small.
Xander heard a rumor and called someone. "Wade, me. Watch your back for the next few days? Someone that I'm rather well acquainted with, but I don't know his real name, said that AIM and HYDRA are working together and they're highly interested, as he put it, in testing someone with self healing skills. I'm not sure *how*," he admitted.
"And it being AIM could be really weird." He listened to the wondering. "Hell, who knows. It could be a pollen issue, it could be a capture and torture issue, it could be them trying to do what they did to Pietro. You're the most open one with that particular gift. Yeah, let me know if you need help. I'm waiting on the girls to come back next week so I'm open. Thanks, man, and be careful. No, not a vision thankfully since I only see battles." He hung up and relaxed again, considering that weird collaboration. Thankfully they weren't after him at the moment but why go after someone with self healing? Hadn't they gotten anything when they had Rogers' friend Bucky?
Wade hung up and looked at his phone oddly before tucking it back into his tights' pocket. "Xander," he explained.
"New battle?" Cable asked.
"Apparently AIM and HYDRA want to test someone with self healing gifts. He warned me to be safe. He's only heard a rumor."
Cable frowned but nodded. "Please do for a change."
Wade grinned behind his mask. "Was that something you studied in school?"
"No. Though in about six months AIM is going to be releasing a toxic gas in Times Square that's part turning you back into a growling animal to defend the ones you need to fuck or die."
Wade blinked a few times. "What?"
"Yeah. Barely stopped, only got about a hundred people from what the old stories said." He shrugged. "I'm glad they gave that idea up after one of their victims ripped through them like a tornado to get his mate."
"Um, yeah. I'll let the Avenging ones know." He texted that to Clint once he had his phone out, shaking his head quickly before putting it back into his pocket and walking off. "Golf?"
"Nah. Not my thing. I hate clubs. Bats, but not clubs." He headed in another direction. He wanted to see if he could stop that problem. He ran into Logan, nodding at him. "Wade just got a head's up about some groups wanting self healers," he told him quietly.
"I got a text from Penny about that. She hated that slayer dream." Cable shuddered. "I'll watch myself. You make sure they don't get Wilson." He looked around then up at the guy flying overhead. "Great. It's equipment testing day," he snarked, walking off lighting up a cigar. "Have fun with that."
"I'm going to try." Cable went to his current crash pad to look up those groups to see if he could help. That was going to be insane if they couldn't stop it.
Penny wandered into the Tower, nodding at the guards and signing in at the desk. "I need to give a report to Maria Hill please," she told the guard that came over.
"She's not available for teenagers, miss."
"I'm a slayer. We have a report on some of the idiots in the intelligence community."
"I'll tell someone but I can't promise she'll care."
"She will. They're going to be attacking a lot of people."
"You could report that to the FBI."
She snorted. "They don't like us slayers. They'll ignore it on purpose. They have in the past." He walked off calling someone. A higher guard came off the elevator, staring at her. "You don't look like Miss Hill."
"I can escort you up to her."
"Sure." She walked through the metal detector. She got onto the elevator, watching him. She had no idea Xander had identified the guy as HYDRA but as soon as he lunged toward her she hit her alarm. "Don't hit the stomach, I'm expecting." He smirked evilly but she kicked him and flipped him by grabbing him around the throat to do it. She stopped the elevator with the emergency stop and leaned against the wall sighing in distress. "This is not going to be happy making," she decided.
"Unidentified person in the elevator, who are you and why did you stop the elevator?" a male voice demanded.
"I'm Slayer Penny and the guy who's supposed to be taking me up to report on something overheard to Maria Hill attacked me. I have him knocked out. I can't be sure the 12th floor he selected would be safe to get off at so I pushed the stop button in case. Please tell me which button to push and I'll gladly meet someone there." She winced and rubbed her stomach. That wasn't the first one of those. She had that sort of pain before.
"Push the button to restart it and push the button for the eighteenth floor. That is the security team floor, miss."
"I can do that." She did as ordered and leaned against the wall again, rubbing her sore spot. She saw the guys in masks meeting her and waved. "Slayer Penny."
"Miss, step out."
"Um, no. Because I can read patches." She pointed. "I'm not going to be taken by HYDRA douchebags." They tried to grab her but her alarm had a personal shield. "If you're really tower guards, you'd be wearing different patches on your BDU's. Miss Friday!" she called loudly. "Help!"
"Slayer Penny," the AI said. "I have alerted Miss Hill to your situation. She will be right there. I do advise you to sit down before you bust a hernia."
"I already had one," she admitted. "I can live through this one." A few people ran to get the people threatening her. "Thank you, Miss Friday."
"You're quite welcome, Slayer Penny. Sir wanted to know what was so important?"
"A few things we've learned thanks to patrolling in a dirty club. Including that AIM and HYDRA are working together to get someone with healing gifts and the fact that they're testing gasses to release in Times Square. Wade cued us in to that one thanks to Cable so we went looking." She grinned and waved at Natasha, handing over the USB device she had. "On the notes we've heard and ones from Kennedy, who hates that very idea."
She took it to put into her pocket. "Why are you rubbing your stomach?"
"Apparently I'm getting another hernia because my future daughter is huge."
Natasha smiled but helped her out. "We have an infirmary."
"I'm fine. I have an OB."
"Let us make sure."
Penny grinned at her. "Don't tell Brad?"
"I probably won't unless we need to put you in a bed." She walked her off, handing the keydrive to Steve as she walked the plucky young woman past him. "On AIM and HYDRA's plans."
"Charming that they're working together. Penny, are you all right?"
"I'm apparently getting another hernia. It seems to come with pregnancy for me. So this is definitely the last one."
Steve grinned. "Congratulations."
"Brad's real happy too. I've never been pounced so hard, even with Bruno." Steve patted her on the arm as he walked off to check that drive. She looked at Natasha. "If they did something to erase it, it's on my laptop back at the new slayer house. Brad made sure I saved it."
"Thank you." She walked her into the infirmary. "This is Slayer Penny. She is pregnant and had to defend herself in the elevator. She said her stomach is hurting in one spot like her former hernia during birth did." She handed her over.
"Hi, I don't want to be a bother," she said with a grin. "Please don't tell my husband. He'll get *so* huffy I had to beat someone."
"Husbands can do that," the nurse agreed, taking her to check her over. The hernia was barely starting so she'd be fine with some watching by her usual doctor.
Natasha walked into the meeting room Steve was working in. "Did it get erased by the HYDRA member?"
"No. Thankfully we may be able to stop this one." He let her see it.
She grimaced. "I would not like to be caught in that."
"I don't think anyone would like to be caught in that one," he said dryly, smirking at her. "I don't know why the growling was noted."
"It probably included something to bring people back to their primal states. Like Xander's hyena without the possession."
"That makes sense. And she is possessive." He copied the files to Tony in the lab. A few minutes later they all heard a small explosion, making Steve wince. "I'm hoping it wasn't because of that."
"Knowing Stark, it probably had nothing to do with it and he probably hasn't read it yet," she said, walking off. "Let me check on Penny to make sure she gets home. Brad will be quite mad if HYDRA captures her and his future child."
"I think he'll have to get past Xander first," Steve said, shaking his head. "He's not amused at those things."
"None of us are amused at HYDRA," she shot back with a smirk. She turned in time to not get run over by three little girls. "Good afternoon, ladies. Are we rushing somewhere?"
"We wanted to play with Pepat and Goaty," Bethy said with a grin.
"They're probably in the petting zoo at the moment. They like to hang out down there." They ran off that way. "Take a guard with you," she called. "Just in case."
"Yes, ma'am," they agreed. They grabbed their father when they ran into him, and a guard.
Pietro gave them odd but amused looks. "What are we going to be doing?"
"Going to play with Pepat and Goaty," Bethy said with a smile.
"That's fine. They are amusing creatures. Wanda's finally charmed the goat to not eat us." He got them down to the petting zoo area and let them run squealing for the animals. "Animals have sensitive hearing," he called after them. "Be more calm, girls." They waved and settled in to pet bunnies, regular goats, the special goat and the baby dragon, then the bunnies again. They were really soft. The dragon came over to help them by being petted so that was cool. At least she didn't try to eat the bunnies.
Pietro sat down to watch over the girls. The guard was smiling but he probably had kids. "I have interesting children," he told the guard. Who smiled and nodded. "But at least they're mostly good girls."
"Usually," the guard agreed. "Bethy is very polite." Pietro smiled and nodded, even though he had nothing to do with that.
Xander and his special axe were at a hidden space up in the Bronx a few days later, kicking in a door and shooting a few of the guys in there. His axe came off his back and the 'agents' who had custody of one of the baby slayers were suddenly no more. He got the area cleared of living idiots and got the hostages out, getting Wade's cab driver friend's help. He nodded. "Hey. Thanks."
"It's no problems, Xander. What happened?"
"Big. Dumb. Idiots. They wanted to figure out how slayers are different." He got the four kids into the cab and got into the front. "I know two are mine, kinda, and the other two I have no idea." He looked back. "We'll call someone to make sure you guys are all right." He handed over the address note, getting a nod and driving them off. Once they got back to the slayer house he called Tara to come help. That slayer had come from Nebraska. The brother of the slayer had come from Texas. The other two...he wasn't sure. She could liaison today for him.
Tara appeared. "Oh, Simone!" she squealed, hugging her. "You're all right." She checked her over. She looked at Xander. "Who?"
"Clearly," Tara said, staring at him. He patted his axe. "Fine. We can find their families."
"He's from Texas. He looks almost exactly the same as Mira."
"Mira's my sister," the boy lisped.
"We can call her," Tara promised. "I'm Tara, from the coven, sweetie." She tested the other two, frowning. "Huh. Mutants, Xander."
"That's fine." He called Piotr, Kara's boyfriend. He could show up after class in about an hour. "Piotr's on his way."
"That's good. He's a good boy." She and Xander field treated the kids' injuries then Tara went to call Giles. He wasn't home so Xander got to call the parents himself. He dialed Mira's brother's family first, waving when his slayer answered. "Your mom there?"
"I'm in school, Xander," she pouted. "The teacher will be mean. Is it an emergency?"
"We found your brother."
"He was missing?" she demanded. "No one told me that!" He pointed. She looked. "Well!" she huffed. "Someone's going to be getting a tushy kicking! Grandma is not going to be happy someone took him!" She smiled at Xander. "Is he okay?"
"Mostly. Have your mom call me." He waved at the teacher coming to interrupt. "Sorry, I'm the Watcher over New York and we just found her brother having been kidnaped."
"That is important. Why does she have a phone?"
"How do you think we'd get hold of her if we have to evacuate her immediately?" Xander asked.
"Oh, that reason. Fine. I'll let her call her mother in the hallway."
"Sorry to have interrupted." He hung up and called the other one, who burst out crying when she saw her daughter. "I found her in a lab. She's a bit bruised and maybe a bit sore. It looks like they took blood but I didn't spot any huge cuts or burns or anything, though I did not look under her clothes."
"The FBI thought it was about her father, not her calling."
"I didn't really ask when I went in to rescue the slayer I heard was hostage." He nodded at the agent. "Hey, I'm ...."
"We know, Mr. Harris. She was up there?"
"In a lab. All four of the kids were. This one is the brother of a slayer in Texas. The other two we're still trying to figure out."
"All right. I'll have an agent I know won't harm the slayers come see you."
"We have a fidelus on the house."
The agent stared at him then nodded with a grin. "Good idea. Did you move buildings?"
"I can get someone here," Tara offered. "There's a charming coffee shop up the street by three blocks." She pointed. "I've had tea there before. It's run by a nice little Italian lady and her cats."
"I'll tell him that and have him call you, Miss Maclay." She smiled and nodded. "All right, the other two?"
"So far all we know is they're mutants," Xander admitted. "They haven't said anything about their names or families." He looked back. "If you tell us we can call them." They shook their heads. "Okay. We'll figure it out." He went to hug one. "I'm a scary guy if they're mean. Just ask the slayer over there." He pointed at one coming in the house. "This is Mimsy."
"Hi," Mimsy said with a grin and a wave. "I'm in for sparring practice." She tipped her head. "Simone?" She nodded. "Why are you all boo-booed?"
"Bad guys," Xander told her. "We have an agent coming. Can you get Simone up to your room to help her shower?" He looked at Simone, who nodded, going with the other mini. "Since you three are boys, we'll let you use my bathroom under Tara's watch. Okay? She's a nice lady." They nodded, letting her take them up there. He looked at the agent. Xander took off his camera to put on the table in front of the screen with a grin. "So you guys can find it again."
"We're more than happy to do that. It'll be soon." Xander nodded. "Good job." He hung up so he could call his boss. The mother was crying on the couch but that was what he expected to happen. Though something was weird here, he wasn't sure what.
Xander nodded at the agent Tara let in, and Piotr behind him. "Hey." He shook the agent's hand. "The boys are napping on my bed, Piotr. We know two are mutants."
"We can see if they're in the system so we can find their families."
"They wouldn't say a word about their parents," Tara told him. "Clammed up like it was a compulsion. Which I checked, it's not."
"Not all parents are happy ones," Piotr agreed. He went up to scan the children for identity files. He came down with a grimace, showing Xander that file. "Definitely not something the children should go back to."
Xander nodded. "No, they shouldn't." He let the agent, who had just cleared his throat, see that file. "Simone's mom's great. She's like a regional leader mom. Mira's Grandma is fierce but her mom's a bitch." He sighed, looking at Tara, who shrugged. "If so, we'll handle it. That's one reason why we have the legal guy on standby."
The agent nodded. "Definitely. It was noted that Simone's father was acting odder than we'd expect."
Xander nodded. "The last I heard she wasn't married. She had a divorce from the last husband last year. He wasn't a cheater but he lied pretty well. He did love Simone completely." He frowned, going upstairs to talk to her. He tapped on the door. "Hey, Mimsy, can you go help Tara so we can talk?" She nodded, doing that. He sat down, staring at her. "How did you get there?" he asked quietly. "We have a doubt about the others being kidnaped."
She shook her head. "I was on my way to school, Xander. It was my first day at my new school. No one's going to like me because of this."
He hugged her. "People will love you because you're lovable. Did they tell you anything?"
"No." She shook her head again. "I don't know." She pouted.
"It's all right. We called your mom. We can get you home."
"Is Mommy mad?"
"At whoever stole you. She's *real* mad at them." He grinned. "I'll lend your mom my backup axe if she needs it." She giggled. "C'mon, we'll go have a snack. Let the boys sleep for a bit." He led her downstairs. The agent was staring at his tablet and phone. "Anything?" He showed him the records the agent out there had found. "Huh. Simone said she was taken on her way to her first day of school."
"From what her mother reported, the school called about ten minutes after she was snatched to see where she was. They're apparently security conscious." He patted the girl on the head. "We'll figure it out so you're safer, Simone."
"Thank you." She took her glass of fizzy drink and grinned. "Can we go play, Xander?"
"Of course. Mimsy, take her up to the hangout room. But don't look at any magazines the older girls left out please." They ran up there to see what naughty stuff the big slayers had left lying around. Tara grinned and followed. He looked at the agent once they were alone. "So...."
"Her mother's great."
"We all adore her mother. What about Luis's mom?"
"I've been looking into it. The officer threatened to report her to ICE if she tried to report him missing. Even though she was born here."
"So, was it his mom or her never-ending line of boyfriends?"
"I don't know. Can you call his parents?"
"I called his sister but haven't heard back yet." He frowned as he went to the office, going into Mira's file. "Ah! I do have Grandma's number." He came out to call her. "Hola." She stared at him, eyes wide. "I rescued Luis and a few other kids. What the hell happened? And next time, tell us directly even if the locals don't let you."
"My daughter's boss said that he would fire her if she didn't get rid of her children. I've had people looking quietly."
"I called Mira earlier on her special phone."
"I'll grab her from her mother in an hour." Xander wrote down a number and held it up. "Who's that?"
"The Council's lawyer on call."
She smiled. "I have one, Xander."
"We have special custody agreements. Have ours help." She nodded. "Luis isn't too banged up. He's real quiet, lisping a bit, and is napping right now. How do you want to gather him?"
"I'll...I'll have someone bring him to me. I have to watch Mira and Ciera."
"Okay. We'll work it out later. This guy is an agent over the stealing Simone."
She blinked. "Excuse me?" The agent nodded. "Oh, fuck," she said then went off swearing in Portugese.
The agent smiled. "Did your daughter know, ma'am?"
"He threatened her other children with disappearing too," she admitted then sighed at the end. "My daughter has many issues but she does love her children. Hearing Mira was a slayer nearly killed her."
"We had one boy that the coven changed into a girl for a few minutes thanks to the PTB," Xander quipped with a grin. "He's back to being a boy and still a slayer."
She stared at him. "I'll let the others hear that news. Just in case we run into a baby that has that mole." She blinked at the agent. "Can you help get my Luis home?"
"Yes, ma'am, we can do that."
"Thank you." She sighed like she was deflating. "Let me go find my daughter and grandchildren. So I can beat some sense into her." She hung up and huffed as she got up to go nag her daughter.
Xander looked at him. "The other two?"
"We'll be getting into that lab's notes to see if we can find their families to charge them with selling kids to research teams. Then..." He looked at the obvious mutant. Who shrugged. "Are they too young for your school?"
"By a few years," he admitted. "We do have foster parents within the mutant community now."
"That's a great thing. I'm glad someone finally set that up." A young woman came in and Piotr smiled at her. "Ma'am," he said with a nod. "Do we know anything on them?"
"Not yet," he admitted. "I have asked the Professor but he didn't recognize them either."
"All right. Give me a few hours to go tear apart that lab."
"We have a few spare rooms they can bum," Xander promised. "At least overnight."
"That'll work for us to settle with Simone's mother too." He shook Xander's hand and took the body camera to the office so he could watch it before going to raid that former lab.
Xander looked at Kara, who pouted. "I rescued some kids and Mira's brother and Simone."
"The fuck?" she mouthed. He nodded. "Fuck!"
"Language," he reminded her. She hugged her boyfriend before going to help Tara with the girls.
Xander called Giles' phone, getting an agent. "Is our head watcher somewhere near there? I have to report that I rescued one of our minis from somewhere evil."
"Meeting with the president, sir. He had to leave his phone out here for security reasons."
"That's fine. I can call the office." He waved and hung up then called in there on the video system. "Sir," he said with a nod. "Earlier I had to take out a full lab that was holding at least a young slayer hostage. She's fine. The other three boys we found there are okay enough. The FBI is aware since it looks hinkey to an extreme degree." The president winced. "And two are mutants."
"Is that why it's hinkey?" Giles said, coming around to look at the screen.
Giles took off his glasses. "Excuse me?"
"Apparently ...according to Mira's grandmother..."
"Oh, dear. Her mother?"
"Her mother's boss," he said quietly, checking for the kids.
"I told her to call Lawrence in the law office to help her since she's already filing for custody stuff."
"That's fine and reasonable. The others you rescued?"
"Our slayer, Luis - Mira's brother-, and two boys who turn out to be special." He flicked his hand in the air.
"Other type of gifts, Giles. I don't know who's on your end so I'm being subtle."
"I see. The children?"
"Here for tonight and I called Tara to help."
"That's fine, Xander, and tell her I said hello." He frowned then put his glasses back on. "Problems from the locals?"
"Not that I've heard. We had an FBI agent who was helping Simone's mom and one here who was helping."
"Wonderful. Well, I suppose if you have to you can always go back on the road. We don't mind you doing such but I know the NYPD is still...touchy."
"It'll be fine," Xander agreed. "Any orders at the moment?"
"Get the girls back in school?"
"They all went today and yesterday." He smirked. "I'm a bitch about school stuff."
"Good! The girls could use it. Have you had any visions?"
"Six in the last month. One for Asgard which will come down here. Two about the demon that's prompting all this going on. The other three and a half were local and we've told the locals we work with. Including some sort of toxin release in Times Square thanks to AIM. We told the people in the tower about that."
"Excellent. Do I have copies?"
"I sent them but they're apparently the same place my reports and my hour reports go," he said dryly then grinned.
"I'll search them out later. The one on Asgard?"
"Hela." Giles shuddered. "And then they have to destroy it to save it, then they come down here with Thanos."
Giles moved his mouth then pressed his lips together, nodding. "That is very bad."
"Yes it is," Xander agreed then grinned. "And I had a two day migraine from it."
"Oh, crap," he muttered in Latin. "I'll find them later. Anything we can do?"
"I went to personally warn."
"Even better! All right, handle it and let me know any outcomes. I'll be back at the center tonight." Xander nodded and hung up. "Excuse me for a moment, sir." He went out the side door to go swear outside.
The president sent a message to his Chief of Staff. That way they could figure out how to handle whatever this was.
Weasel was totally frustrated and annoyed by Wade so he decided to get back at him in the most embarrassing way possible. He grinned at Cable. Who slowly put down his bottle of beer. He walked over there. "When Wade and Xander first got chummy," he said with a grin. "Wade used to announce he was coming by thinking about his dick piercing. Which meant that Xander got a picture of it like any other metal finding thought around him." Cable shuddered but gripped the bar's edge. "Xander was kinda mean the night the girls met Vanessa." Wade groaned from his seat, shaking his head as he swallowed some bar nuts. Weasel pulled a few pictures down. "Xander being playful with Wade."
Cable looked then burst out laughing. "Bearpool?" he laughed, looking at the groaning merc up the bar. He handed the pictures back. "I needed that, thanks."
"Welcome." He grinned. "Any idea of when our next oh shit, grab your ankles moment is coming?"
"Yeah. In six hours someone's going to release some of the videos of Harris handling things in Africa. Which is why I'm hiding like a little kid." He finished that beer, handing the bottle over to get another one.
Weasel winced. "Who?"
"One of the governments down there who wasn't plagued so they're proving that the ones around them were wooses," Cable said, looking amused but grim. "There's going to be a *lot* of screaming. He'll release full tapes to get away from the cut up ones. Plus a few others that SHIELD will supposedly help by releasing."
"Ooooh. Let me warn Xander." He went to call him. "It's me." He tried to sound cheerful. "Watch the news, dude. Cable said someone's going to be shutting down governments that want stupid shit by using you as proof." He listened to the swearing, wincing at the sound of someone crying. "Sure, you have fun with that. We're all hiding." He hung up and sent a message to Kara and Penny both so they could hide. He adored those two slayers, he wanted them out of the crossfire.
Four hours later Xander was still shouting. "Mother fucker!" he shouted. "Whistler! You did that shit on purpose! I'm coming the fuck up there!"
The girls got led into the bar, even the tiny ones in the house. "Xander's still vowing he's going to end the PTB," Kara said quietly to Weasel. "Can we hide?"
"Yeah, we have an emergency bunker, Kara. Let me go clean the guy that's napping in there out of it for the tiny ones." He went to do that.
Cable looked at them. "I warned Weasel so he could warn him."
"He's been screaming since then," Kara said dryly. "Oh my god, I hope the PTB have a migraine from it because we sure do. I've had to deny that tv exists today. Even the cartoon network broke into their programming to show some of it." He grinned and nodded. "I sent out an all slayer warning to stay away from the news."
"SHIELD's going to release others."
"Fuck, we can camp," one of the tiny ones quipped. "Before we all die from Xander screaming at the PTB and them wanting to fight back. Because I'm pretty sure Cordelia is going to be yelling back soon."
"With the way he talks about Cordelia they might end up making out," Kara quipped. "They used to fight then make up a lot." She got the minis into the hideyhole. "I'm going to be right here, ladies. Let me get a drink before I start to shake." They cuddled her but went in there to rest. She sat at the bar, looking at Cable. "The Professor has locked down the whole school. Piotr's hiding anyway but the Professor's clearly mad at himself for threatening Xander over me and Piotr dating. And I really didn't want to know that Xander could go into bad mental places like that. Because the only one I saw he used an asshole who was screaming at him about God's will to bait the demon to eat it so it'd eat the explosive he strapped to the guy. It saved lives but damn."
"Not the worst. That'll come from someone trying to help with the spot of trouble SHIELD tried to input." He patted her on the arm with a grin. "No one's going to want to screw with Xander ever again."
"Pity, his boyfriends might make him stop screaming!" She took her lemonade and the bottle for the other girls, going into the hideyhole with them. Before she had to see Xander ending the world.
One of the usual mercs walked in. "Harris is yelling at people, right?"
"Worst is yet to come," Cable warned him.
"All the minis in the house are in the hidey hole," he said with a point. That got a nod from the new guy. Weasel turned on the bar tv so he could watch what was going on. Yup, there was SHIELD's leak. And then someone else leaked a few more an hour or so later. "Xander needs to just wear brown pants," Weasel said quietly a few hours later. "I'd have shit myself so many times."
Cable looked. "They'll shut it down when they attack a school." He sipped his newest drink, watching over where the girls were hiding. Sure enough a video came on that showed demons attacking a school and Xander showing up on a helicopter with borrowed artillery. It was too late, the school was full of dead bodies, but the demons didn't make it past there. Xander made a funeral pyre to burn them and let the parents have their former children for their own burials.
One demon showed up but he praised Xander and said he had taken out the rest of that family troupe so none should bother those people again. Xander thanked him, shook his hand, then the demon fled the angry people. Xander told them who that was and they all groaned but it was nice they had been helped. Once the fire was out, Xander walked off. The local military took him off before the villagers could get mad that he wasn't local. Grieving parents weren't sane and would try to blame him.
The news stopped that one to go to discussion and they promised they would not be showing that video again due to the sensitive nature of it. They hadn't known before they ran it. Weasel was gagging into the mop bucket. Cable was keeping his stomach calm with beer. Wade stomped in and made his own drink to gulp then went to curl up in a corner. Cable pointed at the hidey hole, getting a nod from Wade.
Penny's husband walked in and looked at everyone. "People, Xander hid those so no one had to see him doing that and ask if he was possessed by some action hero." Wade snorted but sounded amused. "Does anyone know where the girls are?" Cable pointed. "That's great. All of them?"
"The minis in the house, Kara, the teens."
"Even better. I want to see someone tell Xander he's worthless again. Though Buffy did try." He held up Xander's phone. "I took it at Penny's suggestion and have inoculated Buffy with some common sense. She apparently missed that vaccine." He knocked on the door. "C'mon, girls. Let's go nap with Bruno. It's safe. They quit showing videos and now they're all screaming that girls and Xander do things like save humanity."
They nodded, going with him. Kara handed over the empty bottles and followed to make sure they were all there. Brad looked at Wade. "Xander's nearly hoarse yelling at the PTB's people. If you know one of his lovers, can you get them to calm him down?" He walked off to herd the girls. Before they saw and wanted to turn into Xander instead of Faith and Buffy.
Wade shook his head. "I don't know a single date of his." He texted someone, who said he knew three or four and was already sending them to Xander to calm him down. That they were watching the slayer house for idiots with ideas and the girls were safely going to be guarded at Penny's house. "That's good."
"The X Mansion is locked down," Cable quipped.
"Yeah, the Prof thought Xander was a weak guy." He looked over. "Him and Fury both. Damn were they stupid." He sent out a few more text messages. New York was probably going to be mostly quiet tonight. They probably didn't want to make Xander have to replay anything to stop something big.
In his hidden hidey hole of the night, Nick Fury was back to gulping milk while he watched those battles. He was switching back and forth from milk to vodka with soda as needed. "I really underestimated that boy," he told himself. "So wrong on his profile." He switched back to vodka and soda at the next battle video started. Though he ended up throwing up again thanks to that one. Even his battle scarred mind wasn't going to be able to process that one.
In the tower, Clint was watching the videos with the others. "Well, we knew he was a warrior," he said finally. "Like Thor's people." Stark just nodded as he stared at the tv. He looked at his phone. "The girls were hiding in the bar and now they're with Penny and Bruno."
"Good," Natasha said. "Are we making sure they're safe?"
Clint sent that information in. "Yup. SHIELD has people watching the slayer house and their house tonight." He snorted and grinned at her. "The Professor locked down the school."
"He'd probably protest his people turning into warriors like that. He has many weird ideas that work." They were showing a rerun of Xander sitting on the gate of his pickup truck drinking some iced tea as a local militia rushed over to beat him to death. And then the portal opened and the demons made them scream like girls seeing a spider as they ran away from the demons. Who nicely had some fun with that militia. "At least he did get problems into things."
"Hmm," Steve Rogers said with a slow nod. "Was that group a problem?"
"Yeah, it's an offshoot of Al Shabab," Clint said.
"So terrorists," Steve said with another nod. "Huh."
"I'd worry if it was innocents," Stark said. "Bad guys? I don't worry as much about what he's doing."
"He did volunteer to let them show up for our next few battles to help," Clint told him with a grin.
"I don't want to fight them and the demons," Stark said. He shifted in his seat. "Didn't they learn not to take the bait?"
"Not that fast." Natasha's phone beeped. "That one got mailed to their higher ups, with praise for how they had defended their peoples and everyone else so the slayers didn't have to step in as much. Interesting. He called them decent enough warriors to martyr themselves for humanity's continued living."
Wanda cleared her throat. "He's not teaching the girls that, is he?"
"No," Clint said, shaking his head. "He's teaching them to use their minds as their best weapons. He has mentioned a few of those battles in non-detailed versions as an example of only so much you can do on your own." She grimaced. "He doesn't let any of the minis see those things."
"Good," Pietro said from his perch. "I'd hate my children to see that and look at him like he's amazing for it. Amazing for putting up with all the slayers, but not for battle prowess."
"I don't think the girls have a battle icon outside Natasha," Stark said with a point at her. "They consider her a slayer icon."
She blushed but scowled. Clint grinned so she rolled her eyes. "How long will this last?"
"How soon will someone like Rosenburg cast a spell to ignore or forget it?" Steve asked.
"Hopefully never," Clint said. "She needs to quit that shit. Hopefully she's still a pink mule."
Natasha almost changed the channel because the current battle they were showing was going to become very evil in a moment but instead she went to make herself some tea. She heard the channel be changed by Stark's order when Xander decided to pick the slayers over the local militia when the demon made him choose who would die. Then the demon died within seconds thanks to the slayers. Most of the military had survived. Only two generals had really died, another few had been injured though. She came back with her cup of tea and turned around to walk off again. "You'll want to vomit," she warned.
Stark was heaving and changed it again. "We can watch in our own areas if we really want to know. Because I'm going to have nightmares." He got up and walked off. The others drifted off to think about the slayers in their own rooms. Steve stayed there to watch the news, looking back as Bucky came out to join him. Bucky sat there and watched, shuddering at some of the battles they were showing clips from. They were horrified but any thinking person should be about those sort of battles.
Faith stepped outside the main slayer house, looking at the waiting press. "People, we're not talking to you," she called. "We had no idea he had to do any of that. Mostly because we'd nag he's supposed to be just a guy. This is freaking us out too so we're going to call him to swear at him later. So shoo, okay?" She went back inside, slamming the door behind herself. The press people called that in to their higher ups so they could add that to the ongoing story. If that guy was 'just a guy' what were the rest of the people in the Council like? And why hadn't that guy really gotten into the bigots that were trying to harm the slayers?
Xander stepped out of the house the next day, looking like hell. His voice was nearly gone. "People, the countries were trying to hide those so their people wouldn't freak out," he noted hoarsely. "They wanted to hide those and now you've made little kids see horrifying things that they shouldn't even realize might happen around them. You guys are now the cause of thousands of nightmares." A few winced.
"Why hide them?" one reporter demanded. "People deserve the right to know!"
"Because not even your sort want to think about the possibility that something horrifying could happen anywhere. You'd like to think that you're safe at home. When you're not." That one flinched back, looking horrified. "We hid them so you could have that bit of innocence left. You've now torn that from millions of people in the most horrifying way possible. We have kids who saw kids their age being killed by demons who wanted to take over an area. What do you think that's going to do to them?" That reporter shrank back, trying to disappear into the crowd. "The rest of you, shoo!"
"Why don't you do something about the bigots?" another one demanded.
Xander stared at her. "Do you really want me to take out thousands of idiots that way? I could probably make myself but there's going to be thousands of assholes with that big J mark on their foreheads dead. Because if that's what people want, that really is the government's job. Not mine. I fight battles so you can complain about it instead of trying to not be eaten or turned into a slave. If those sort or you don't like that, oh well."
He stared at them. "By the way, the slayers do not live here any longer thanks to people like that and you guys giving out their home addresses so they can be killed." He walked off. "You guys have fun finding reality. I hope you haven't ruined the kids that're still little enough to be forming opinions about the world by letting them know how horrible it is out here." He got a cab and let them drive him off.
The reporters called that report in. Like the slayers complained about all too often, they were upset that humanity hated being saved. Maybe they could change opinions with this. A few reporters went uptown to see if the Avengers or any other hero group wanted to make a statement. Or SHIELD maybe.
Stark found the reports that had been handed over by Penny, frowning at it. "That's from that lab," he muttered. "Who leaked it? Natasha!" he bellowed, knowing if she couldn't hear him the AI would tell her he had yelled for her. Steve walked in a minute later looking pissed off. He held up the notes. "That's that lab that we had to go ruin after Xander escaped from there." Steve winced but nodded once. "So who leaked? I didn't as far as I know and I didn't make any notes. Natasha didn't. Coulson's team didn't or said they didn't."
"I have no idea but I'll have her ask."
"Please. That stuff was scarily overpowered. Even the minor things he was working on, like this serum, were highly overpowered."
"Anything we can do to stop it?"
"Yeah, don't get near it. That's one of the three we brought home to test. Bruce and I ran a few simulations about it getting into the public. Mutants will react, you'll react due to the serum, about a quarter of normal humans might react." Steve grimaced but nodded again. "And it will turn on pack hierarchy like behavior. Alphas trying to create packs of vulnerable little omegas who they want to keep as sex slaves sort."
"Okay. We destroyed the samples?"
"As soon as we saw what they came up as. We deleted the tests from the daily backups, from the machines, and shredded all the results. FRIDAY, are there any results from testing this anywhere you can reach?"
"From the notes that Natasha found, the doctor who was making that up had one vial go out to be peer reviewed for testing grants," the AI said. "That researcher snorted in derision and sent back a letter saying that he had tossed it out because the idea was absurd. Though I am finding mentions of the reports within SHIELD's systems."
"So they leaked," Stark decided.
"Apparently," she agreed. "The one that threw out that vial was arrested for making mutagenic drugs but there's nothing like that in his files except a copy of the turn-down letter."
"Great," Steve agreed. "Thank you, FRIDAY." He looked at Stark. "Can you get something to eat that formula before we get exposed?"
"Probably not. I'm doubting that AIM or HYDRA have systems that are that insecure."
"Damn. All right. Thanks for the warning, let me get Natasha to go talk to SHIELD's people." He walked off scowling. This was probably not a great thing. He ran into Clint and nodded him to follow him. Clint followed him up to the practice room where Natasha was stretching. "Stark read the notes about that upcoming attack Penny brought," he told her.
"Was that why he was looking for me?" she asked, looking under her arm at him.
"Yup. It apparently came from that lab you guys busted."
She hopped up to stare at him. "The one with the wannabe alpha?" she demanded. Steve nodded. Clint moaned and kicked the wall. Natasha glared. "That was not..."
"Stark said it was a side formula. FRIDAY said that he had shipped one vial off to a researcher for peer review, whatever that is, and got told he was absurd and the guy threw the vial out. She said she found some notes on it in SHIELD's system. That peer review person got arrested for mutagenic drugs."
She raised an eyebrow then nodded as she stomped past him. "That will not be allowed to go on. Stark said that he erased all the results."
"He did," Steve called after her. He looked at Clint. "Did you keep any notes?"
"Only mental ones for the report. Nothing on the chemicals." He followed Natasha, where she was nagging Stark. "Did you do an actual test on that stuff, Stark?"
"I did with Bruce. We erased all the materials on it," he told Natasha. "Down to the machine's memory and the daily backup reports." She glared at him. "It didn't come from us. It looks like it came from SHIELD. Which then got leaked somehow to AIM and HYDRA." He stared at her. "By our calculations it'll turn on pack behavior with the alphas and omegas thing going along with it. So we'll have new packs forming of alphas and sex toy omegas for breeding." She shuddered. "Released in Times Square by AIM. Can you find their lab so we can destroy it too?"
She nodded, stomping off again. "I will talk to Coulson about those records."
"Thanks." He looked at Clint, shrugging. "Apparently I'm the go-to bad guy around here now." He went back to work.
Clint shook his head. "Nah. There's worse bad guys in this tower. Including Foster sometimes." He went to calm Natasha down before she killed all the lab people at SHIELD.
Xander found the person who had the *brilliant* idea that they had stopped the last time, and went to visit them. Apparently he was ahead of everyone. Which wasn't that unusual. His estimation of intelligence agency people was notoriously low usually and they had lived down to it this time. So here he was, breaking into a lab. A bad lab with bad people who wanted bad things with the world. Thankfully he wasn't bad at all this stuff with the practice he'd had over the last few years.
One researcher spotted him and set off a yell but didn't get to finish it. The others tried to come running but he had a few grenades. Explosive babies were some of his favorite ones outside his special Asgardian axe. He finally got to the vault with the samples and looked at the emergency release and self destruct features.
"I can fix that," he told himself as he hummed and rewired things. He turned at a cleared throat, nodding at Natasha, who was scowling. "Not like I want them to manage it! I stopped it the last time too!" He went back to rewiring things. "There," he said finally, smiling at it. He put his watch in place and set an alarm. "Thirty minutes good enough?" he asked, finding she had moved. "Thirty minutes," he called in Latin.
"That's fine. They're all either unconscious or dead," Natasha said, coming out of a lab. She held up a vial. "The same?"
He took it to sniff then shook his head. "No pheromones I can smell." He handed it back. "Smells nasty though. Want to toss it in?" he said with a head nod at the vault. She shook her head, putting it into a zipping pocket and went back to loot the lab. Xander found the filing cabinets and computers, taking out the hard drives and grabbing all the reports from the printers. He handed them to her on his way past. He found the security room and took out the system then stole the tapes too. Then they left and watched the vault go off. When it did he grinned at her. "You have fun with that. I've got to go talk to an ex." He walked off, axe over his shoulder, and headed for his rental car.
She watched him looking confused. She wasn't used to men like him. He clearly did not do things like other agents. It was very weird.
Xander looked at the ex-boyfriend, who he had let capture him. "Don't touch the axe. It's blessed by Asgard and it'll go to Bruno probably." The guards just nodded at that. "Penny's son. He's gotten blessed by the slayer spirit thanks to the Coven. It really loves him." He looked at his ex-boyfriend again. "So, I've been hearing rumors. That's why I showed up." He smirked a tiny bit. "We are not dating any longer. We have not dated in over two years. Why am I hearing rumors that we're getting married?"
The guy grinned at him. "It helped one of my business connections, Xander."
"Yeah but it hurt mine and that means I have more trouble getting the slayers what they need."
"You don't have to...."
Xander glared. "Yes. I. Do. I'm working with the slayers because I need to be there. Not many others are. Including the militaries. You made it so I almost had to beg for weapons for a major battle that would've led to at least Canada dying."
"We were good together."
"You know how they say to lay back and think of England? You don't even make me think about refugee camps near Sudan, Billy." Billy glared at him for that. "Seriously! I don't need a boyfriend who doesn't care if I get off. My boyfriend and girlfriends should all care about both of our pleasures, not just their own. I'm not a sex robot who has extensive weapons skills." He finished picking the locks and got his hands free, standing up. His axe flew over to cuddle him.
"Frankly, I have taste and standards now. Before, I was open to stress relief with anyone who was nearby. The weekend we screwed, I was just off two damn battles. One of which was shown on tv recently." Billy and his guard both shuddered. The other one shrank away from him. "You were the method of me not having a heart attack from the stress. Anymore...I'd rather fuck a hedgehog." He walked off shaking his head. "Quit taking my name in vain, Billy. We're not together."
"We can be." He pointed. His guard gave him a pained look but did try to shoot at Xander. He didn't quite get to aim thanks to the arrow through his brain. "What the hell!" he demanded but Xander had already walked off. He looked out the window. No one out there that could've made that shot.
Xander walked out of the hotel and looked up then at the guy who hit the street beside him. "Thank you for help, Brad."
"Welcome. Penny would be pissed off if something that pathetic kept you." He handed back the bow. "Thankfully Penny's gotten onto me about range time." Xander grinned, walking off with him. "You okay?"
"Still pissed at the PTB."
"I think we're all pissed at the PTB for that showing of the battles."
"I certainly am. Cordelia showed up and gave me a sorry look and wave then disappeared again." They got into Brad's car and drove off. "Are you changing soon?"
"Yeah. It's been six months, time to change the car."
"Then I'm extra glad I stopped that guy at the bar who was plotting how to blow up your car. I reminded him that it often held you and your pregnant wife the slayer plus your kid and I'd be creating a mess. He said someone wanted to test Bruno so I reminded him how he became the first male slayer. He said he'd pass that on so he didn't become a greasy spot." He grimaced. "Though there's that new guy I should turn into a big, nasty spot to be hosed off the floor." He considered it. "I do have that poisoned dagger..."
"Sometimes you scare me, Xander," Brad quipped then grinned at him.
"Awww, thank you!" He grinned back. "That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me since Wade told me that."
"You need a date to show up," Brad said.
"Yup, but none local. Pity."
"Very." He dropped Xander at the bar and went to talk to Penny about seeing if she could find some of Xander's better dates to come rescue his sanity before it escaped on its own.
Xander walked in and took a pen off someone, writing down a list of names. He handed it to one of the mercenaries in there with a grin. "My good ex's I wouldn't mind hearing from again if you run into them. The rest.... well, sucks but didn't. Though, Kenneth, he's not really...sane but he was really great in bed but I don't think he'd do good around the girls. Thanks."
He grinned and winked at the bartender. "I got into Billy about his issues and saying we were going to be married. Such an idiot," he sighed. "Seriously below standards but good enough stress relief after a battle before I had a heart attack." He walked off shaking his head. Some guy yelled and lunged at him so Xander shifted and let the guy hit the door frame before kicking him and laying into him.
"Hey, it's the puddle of goo," he said happily. "Well, I guess you can be stress relief since you volunteered." He and the idiot who hated he was bisexual fought but Xander won. He was bruised a bit but the guy was indeed mostly a seeping pile of broken bones and skin by the time he was done. Xander stepped back, flexing his hands. "I need more sparring practice without weapons. I'm getting weak again." He walked over his mess. "Have fun with him, man."
The people in the bar all stared then they all looked up at the Dead pool board. "Fuck," one said. "He was a longshot odd too."
The bartender for the off-shift called his boss to come down there while he got a mop and scraper out. As a formality he checked to see if he was breathing. He barely was but he wasn't going to last long enough to get an ambulance. Cable, who had been hiding in a corner, called one of the demon bars to come get rid of the evidence. It'd mean someone wouldn't have to buy dinner tonight for his family. A few people looked at him so he waved his phone. "Demon bar."
"The guy wasn't worth burying," another agreed. "Damn, Harris was vicious."
"He's in need of a new boyfriend," the bartender complained. "I wish he'd take in Wade."
The usual bartender came in, pausing before stepping over the mess. "I take it someone finally won the pool?" Weasel quipped.
"He tried to get Xander," the one with the list said. He walked it over. "These are his ex's he'd like to hear from again. He said one named Kenneth was good enough but shouldn't get near the girls. The rest were boring." He walked off after getting a new drink to send out messages to the others. They'd have to start another pool about who'd end up dead next. "Can we exclude dying in battles?" he called. "For the next round? That way if we fall while helping saving the world we only get a drink in our honor?"
"Yeah," the bartender said. "We can make that rule. Or if you die from something stupid like a car wreck or a demon using you as a shield." He climbed up on the bar to amend the sign and start the pool over again. He'd hand Xander his money the next time he came in. He heard the wondering about maybe Harris and Deadpool calming each other down and shook his head. "Wade's still grieving and Xander's a lot of come see me about things. Wade doesn't like to do the flirting either. They need a nice, strong guy to put between them."
"Still married," Cable quipped from his corner before anyone mentioned it. "Maybe Al?"
Weasel looked at him, then shook his head. "Neither would have a problem with that but they'd kill her in bed, man. Xander's bad enough to have turned some really tough arms dealers into squealing fangirls. And half of those aren't on his list." A few of the guys groaned. "I'll let others know that he's looking for something soon. The guy really could use the dick. Or pussy I guess but dick seems to be easier to find." The demon got there and gladly accepted the remains with a squeal of thanks for them giving them dinner then disappeared with it. Weasel looked at the others. "Any other requests for the next pool?"
"Don't put Xander?" one of them begged with a grin. "None of us are insane enough to try him and he'd only die in a battle anyway."
"True. Or Wade since I'm not sure how he'd die." He started the list again. "Hmm. Domino...no. I won't do that to her." He put up the rest of the names but one got erased on him and he got handed the eraser. "Oh, yeah, I forgot he died in that car wreck." He erased another name for that reason and added the new ones into it.
Hopefully this time no one was psychotic enough to upset Xander. Or Wade. The fill-in bartender finally got done cleaning up the mess and went to rinse out the mop and bucket for him. They didn't need to clean up later's spilled blood with earlier's blood. He did try to keep it mostly clean in there.
Wade walked in and noticed the clean board then looked at Weasel. "Who got who?"
"Branson jumped Harris. Harris made a mess."
"Figures. Xander could use more sparring practice against people who weren't girls. Give me a blowjob?"
"Sure." He got him a drink and let him put in for the new dead pool. This one wouldn't last the night thanks to two idiot noobs who decided the pool was a challenge they had to take on right then. And then promptly lost thanks to the drunk guy they ran into beating them both to death. Then the guy went back to drinking. Weasel got up to fix the board again and pay off someone.
Xander found his target in his office and walked in, plopping down in front of him. The lawyer stiffened. "Why do I have to keep hearing rumors that you're dating one of my minis who's only thirteen? Can't you beat the person spreading that to death yet?"
Matt Murdock shook his head. "I haven't heard a thing, Harris. Who?"
"One of the local DA's trying to discredit you. I did go point out to them, in front of other lawyers, that I knew that rumor they were spreading wasn't true because that slayer's thirteen and I'm an asshole about the girls dating. That I wouldn't mind you dating her in a few years but telling such faslehoods tended to get people sued for libel then I slapped down the paperwork on her behalf down in front of him. And I'm very sure the city's head DA heard because he was choking on his martini at the bar." He grinned.
"Thanks for the help. Am I suing too?"
"Up to you. I had Henderson file it for me."
"You'd be involved and she'll work for sex."
"Ah! That's a great reason, yeah. Much cheaper." He smiled. "Thank you for letting me know."
"You're welcome. Who's the new weapons guy I keep hearing things about?"
"Um...oh. Him. Bad news."
"Like I should warn the girls?"
"He probably wouldn't go near the slayers. He's very revenge focused."
"Okay. But he's taking out two of my contacts that I need to find out what bad thing is coming."
"I can introduce you."
Xander waved a hand. "I can introduce myself, Matt. Just wanted to know if he was psycho or worse."
"No. Just really angry."
"Yeah, been there a few times. I destroyed two villages for killing my mini." He stood up. "You have fun and talk to Gretchen if you want to. Sibella is amused that the idiot attorney thinks she's hot enough to get you as a sugar daddy." He left him alone.
Matt smiled but shook his head. "I only date women my own age." He found his phone and sent a voicetext then called Gretchen. "Ms. Henderson, Matt Murdock. How can I help with those deplorable rumors going around? I just heard about them from Xander." He smiled as she told him. "Of course I can show up and be an excellent defense witness. I'd never touch someone underage and probably not someone under twenty-five."
Xander found that other guy and bluntly sat across from him, getting glared at. "Dude, do you know who I am?" he asked quietly.
"Why would I care?"
"I'm the watcher in charge of the local slayer house." The guy winced but nodded once. "In the last week you've taken out two of my intelligence contacts about bad things coming to this city. Do you mind? I'd like to know before they show up and without a vision prompting me to go looking. The migraine's horrible." He stared at him. "While I get the revenge thing, mostly because a village killed one of my minis and I wiped them out to the dogs they fed, and their helping people in the next village," he said quietly, staring him in the eyes, "I need those contacts to defend everyone."
"They were involved with the mafia."
"Well, duh! The demonic mafia is pretty damn strong but pretty silent around here and they hear things from all over the world. The only way I get to find out about my girl that's in Azerbaijan is through them. I really need those contacts and I doubt the demonic mafia groups were involved in what you went through."
"They're all bad."
"Yeah but so are we for killing things. Even if it was necessary." He gave him a pointed look. "Neither of us are saints. Mythological ones or regular ones. I take out bad things. You take out bad things. You just branched out to the point where it's making my job harder. And I hate to say this but if you damage one of my minis or something you do damages one of my slayers you and I are going to throw down." A gun appeared.
Xander smiled and swished his wand, pulling a bomb he put in front of the guy. The guy blinked and stared at it then at him. "I guard my minis the way you used to guard your kids, if not harder because there's actually people who want to rip them apart at the molecules who're supposedly good guys. Don't do *anything* that would harm my minis or my slayers. Last week you got lucky and she heard you coming while she was hunting down a pack of vampires." He patted the bomb and leaned on it, grinning at him. "Are we clear?"
"I don't want to hurt them."
"And yet you nearly did. Indiscriminate killing only works in a war. New York isn't that bad yet. You've also endangered a lot of younger, innocent mutant lives. I was asked to point that out because the local demonic mafia groups do protect some of their safehouses so they don't die thanks to growly white guys."
"Just keep the demonic out of it and make sure my minis don't get hurt, dude. I don't care about your vendetta. I have my own with the demonic, that's why I started to hunt. If you want to turn into me, so be it. Learn how to stake and behead for real. But don't you dare come near my girls."
"I don't want to."
"Then learn to differentiate between the demonic version and the human versions please."
"They're working together."
"Yeah. They're working on smuggling people in. I'm going to ignore that mostly. It's not going to destroy the country or the world, it's not my job. Fisk and his Maggia goons? Not involved in that."
"No, they're not. Who the fuck are you?"
"Xander Harris." He smiled and produced a card to hand over. "That's my number if you run into something demonic that's weird or dangerous. By the way, the group you threatened the other day? They're teenagers who were on their way to church. Not dangerous. The peaceful community is about to put a price on your head though. And there's nothing I can do if they do." He stared at him. "Won't do your family any good if they eat you."
"No, I won't. I'll look into those links."
"Thank you." He stood up, tucking the bomb under his arm. "Have a better hangover, dude. And if you need help with something that's going to be world ending, let me know. That's my job." He nodded at one person in there. "Is Brian around?" he called.
"Nope. And he'd hate you asking that, Xander."
Xander grinned. "I was going to see if he knew how his cousin is. No one's heard from her in six weeks. She hasn't even sent in a report."
"I'll tell him you're wondering so he can check on her and tell you."
"Thanks. And if it was something, let me know so I can handle it. His cousin was sweet and baked a lot."
"I can do that if he leaves you anything. You need that bomb?"
"Yup." He grinned. "Someone tried to threaten Bruno." He strolled off humming happily. The single officer that tried to stop him he grinned at. "I'm going to present it to one of my slayers as a happy pregnancy present. People want her son."
"Um....." He winced. "Probably not legal."
"No but they won't come near her son if she has it nearby."
"True, that would make me not go near someone too. Who're you?"
"Your head watcher." He smirked. "Usually you guys complain about the axe." He strolled on, going to barge in on Penny and Brad. He handed Penny the bomb with a smile and a kiss on the forehead. "For the ones who want Bruno, sweetie." He winked at Brad before leaving again.
She looked it over then carefully put it on the table. "I'm sure he'll love to learn how to disarm it some year." She moved the blanket covering her nakedness. "We have got to get Xander laid."
"Soon," Brad said, checking the bomb. Then he went back to making his wife giggle. Nap time only lasted for a little bit and they needed some giggling sex time.
Xander was out on patrol that night, and had just shot a running vampire with his crossbow when he heard a gun go off behind him. "They need wood in the heart or beheaded."
"That's weird," Frank Castle complained, stomping up to him. "You were near Fisk?"
"He had my cab bring me to him so he could try to talk me into leaving his shit alone. I pointed out I only dealt with demonic problems and if he had demonic problems I'd probably laugh as they ate him. He's made some sort of deal with a minor sorcerer wannabe asshole. Who is not amused to be a gerbil." He grinned at him. "At least I only threatened once to shove it up him. I figure that's mean to the animal." He looked and shot another vampire, making them yelp as they dusted. "Kara, do you think you can stake that one?" he called. "He's outta my range."
She stopped chatting with her boyfriend and threw a stake, getting it. "Yup, sorry. We were talking about freshman english."
"It sucks but you have to go through it. Like camping lessons during training, dear."
"I remember. Yuck." She shuddered but her boyfriend gave her a hug. She got another vampire from her cuddle.
Xander looked at Castle and grinned. "I'm not the nice fairy but I don't put up with shit like Fisk. Apparently he managed to not see all the stuff the higher ups put on tv recently. And if he keeps bothering me I'm going to summon something who'll have a feast from him." He walked off. "Coming on patrol to learn how to stake things?"
"No. Not my scene, kid." Xander smirked at him and shot a vampire behind him. He looked then at him. "Still weird."
"I hear that a lot. Sucks but it means that no one helps the slayers." He strolled off. "Have fun."
"Yeah." He watched him go, looking very confused. He turned around and found a young woman there. "Jones," he said with a slight nod.
"Xander's a good guy," she said. "Truly good guy. He even flirts with me and doesn't creep me out."
"Yeah. Did you want it to be just the girls?"
"Xander's a good guy but he's very protective of the slayers." She concentrated and it brought Xander running back. She held up a picture. "That one?"
He took it to look at. "Fuck!"
"Yeah. Who is that?"
"That is one of the old liners who is supposedly in jail in New Jersey." He sighed, looking at her. "Where?"
"That's Bethy's twin siblings's house. She called to see if I knew who they were. I have no idea how she found out who I am."
"Probably her aunt."
"Hadn't thought of her," she admitted. She stared at him. "So...."
"I'm going to talk to Giles," he admitted. "And if I catch that guy he's going to be a greasy spot." She grinned. "The twins aren't slayers."
"I'm not sure if he's the sort to care. She moved all the sibs to her current hideyhole near Matt's lands."
"Okay. Let me know where." She pointed at the picture so he looked at the back. "We can go there on the way back and move the kids to the slayer house. There's three slayers within the kids." He looked around. "Kara!" She hopped up on a bench to find him. "Wrap it up! We've got to go save Bethy!"
"Yup!" she called back. She disappeared.
"Thank you," he said with a grin for her. "Did Luke tell you that one guy got caught?"
"Yeah, I heard the next day."
He smirked a tiny bit. "He hated my hyena the same way other telepaths have." She spluttered. He winked at her. "I can teach you how to go be possessed if you want."
"Nah, not my scene," she admitted. "But it sounds handy."
"Especially with nosy ass telepaths, yup." He grinned. "Thanks, Jessica." He punched her on the arm and went back to helping Kara and Piotr.
She looked up at Frank, shrugging. "He's actually a good guy. Tough, a smartass, uses all sorts of weapons, has a small mutation, and he's an okay guy. Luke growls sometimes but then Xander put him in touch with the vampire fighting street gang out in LA and they bonded over being tough black guys who handle things."
"There's a what?"
"Yeah. Apparently they handle most of LA." She shrugged. "Gunn seems pretty decent at it."
"Huh." He watched him, the mutant, and the slayer walk off together. "They can't hope to get the kids in the car."
"Bethy probably has another car there. She's got like twelve sibs." He looked at her oddly. "Half sibs. She's Pietro's daughter."
"Yeah. She likes to kidnap her father now and then too so all the kids can hang out with him. Just shows up, uses a bolo or something, and has her half-sister carry him off with her. He complains but just huffs at them until they let him drive the car." She walked off. "You need to talk to Matt about the Hand."
"I can do that. Thank you."
"Welcome." She grinned back at him. "I'd hate to lose the world because you had a hate on for a guy who is just as tough as you."
"I saw those battle films."
"So did I and I drank for whole new reasons." He nodded, heading to talk to Matt Murdock for now. She went back to her apartment for the night to consider how to help protect the city. The other minor guys had to be introduced to Xander. And maybe Deadpool. That way they knew when they had to jump in to save people.
Xander knocked on the door staring at the preteen. "Diana, what happened?"
"Some skeezy guy showed up, Xander." She grinned and waved. "Hey, Piotr." She let them in. "The twins had to be evacuated and Sarah's house had someone watching it in another weird way."
"Okay. Well, we removed the SHIELD agents watching here," he said. He hugged Bethy when she hopped up. "We can go back to the new main house." They nodded and gathered together. The baby Sarah was just happy to be held and cuddled. Kara took her and Piotr got the younger ones in front of him so they were guarded. Kara followed and Xander got the older kids. Bethy was the last one because she made sure they weren't forgetting anything. The agent that had regained consciousness shuddered and ducked back down in the car. Apparently they weren't here for the kids.
When someone tried to come near the kids Xander smirked and waved. "Hi. How're you?" The guy's eyes went wide and he backed away slowly. "Thank you. Don't touch the kids please. I get mad." The guy turned and ran to talk to the neighborhood lookout. Who agreed they weren't going near that guy. Xander was probably a bit crazy.
Kara looked back at Xander. "Why are you cray-cray now?"
He grinned. "I'm just fun, dear. You know that."
"Uh-huh." They got into the car and ran into an officer. "Hey," she said with a nod.
"I'm helping them evacuate to a safer location because a skeezy guy was watching a few of them," Diana told the officer.
"Miss, someone thought it was a people transporting operation," the officer told her.
"No, I'm a watcher and a few of these are my minis," Xander said with a grin. "And the rest are their sibs."
"Oh!" He nodded and called that in. "That's fine, Mr. Harris."
"Thanks. We're going to the main house." He got the last few into Kara's ride and got in to drive his own. The kids were happy enough when he turned on the radio to something hipper and current.
The officer called that in to his boss, who was with one of the local mobs. They had hoped to pick up the kids because of some rumors, but they were not going to mess with a mini slayer. The rumors about Harris were evil. The SHIELD agent agreed when his second boss called in.
Up on the roof, two people were taking film of that on their phones. One was really SHIELD. One was a local defender. The agent looked at the other one. "Thanks for the head's up, Cage."
"Not a problem. They had a good reason to run from the creepy people." He turned off the video and walked off. "Let me tell some others."
She grinned. "I'm going to spread this around. We don't like dirty ones." She ran off to tell her bosses. One was slightly dirty too but not to the same sort.
Luke Cage went to where he knew the others were for a late dinner. He put the phone down so they could watch, or hear in Matt's case, the video.
"Maggia," Jessica said. "Going after those kids is a bad idea. I wonder if her father heard."
"The lady with me was a lower SHIELD agent since there was a dirty one," Luke said with a slight smirk. "She's happy they're going to be dealt with."
"Awww," Jessica cooed sarcastically. "Happy times." She looked in her phone then sent the video to herself, forwarding it to the number she looked up. She got back a terse 'thank you'. "Daddy sort knows now."
Frank Castle stomped in. "What was Harris doing?"
"Creepy people showed up to leer at a few kids who're sibs of mini slayers. Xander had to help them get out of the way." She smiled at him. "I told him earlier."
"I remember that. There were a lot of them."
"Yeah, Pietro needs condoms that won't break," Luke quipped.
"Nah, man, I heard from Wanda. Some HYDRA created," Jessica said with a smirk. "A few came from groupies. He only actually created three of them himself." The others all grimaced. "Wanda said that they blew up the DNA lab and they were telling others who had marked vials that they had saved them from becoming donors. She was not amused."
"I wouldn't be amused either," Matt agreed. "Having a sudden kid show up would freak me out."
"More than you," Jessica told him. He grinned at her.
Clint strolled past. "What happened now?"
"A few of the former watchers that were in jail were creeping on Bethy's sibs," Luke said. Clint growled. "She got them moved locally."
"I told Harris and he just evacuated them, past a few dirty sorts," Jessica added.
"Awwww. Someone's going to have fun then." He took the phone to watch the video, smirking and nodding. "I knew he was dirty to someone." He handed the phone back. "Text it to this number," he said, looking up one to show her. She sent it to them. "Have fun with that." He got some coffee and danish to go then went home to check on Xander by calling him. If he showed up at the house the girls would try to keep him.
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