To Be A Baby Daddy Or Not To Be A Baby Daddy, That Is The Question. by Voracity2
Summary: Darcy Lewis has a son, who wants to be a pirate. And he's adorable. The only problem is other people keep trying to find out who the baby's daddy is. Daddy knows, and does have something to do with the kid but it's too dangerous for Xander to be there too often to help his little pirate.
Categories: Buffy Stories & Crossovers > Avengers Characters: None
Series: Childhood Series
Chapters: 7 Completed: Yes Word count: 116210 Read: 126502 Published: 06/04/2021 Updated: 06/04/2021
Story Notes:
I fixed the movie mistake in part 2, thank you for catching that for me.

1. Part 1 by Voracity2

2. Part 2 by Voracity2

3. Part 3 by Voracity2

4. Part 4 by Voracity2

5. part 5 by Voracity2

6. part 6 by Voracity2

7. part 7 by Voracity2

Part 1 by Voracity2
To Be A Baby Daddy Or Not To Be A Baby Daddy, That Is The Question.






Darcy rushed into her lab, locking the door and pulling down the blinds. That was weird enough that it got Jane's attention, making the scientist stare at her oddly. "You would not believe who I just saw going up to the meeting areas."

"Some hotty star you crush on at night?" Jane guessed. She got up to get more coffee.

"No, Adrian's dad."

That paused the coffee refill, making Jane stare at her. "Your one night stand thing that you still dream about?"

"Yeah, him!" Darcy stared at her. "And he's still pretty."

Jane blinked. "Are you going to talk to him?"

"He's going to a meeting up here. That means he's an agent or something."

"Um, not today. You know those weird female warriors? The team's meeting with them this week to work out how to work with them and when they need to call in help. I heard from Steve last night, who was complaining about that."

Darcy blinked a few times. "Really? So my baby's daddy is weirder than an Asgardian?"

"I'm pretty sure we both already knew that, Darcy," Jane said dryly, staring at her. "Go lurk in a bit. I'll text Tony to tell him that you need to talk to the guy privately later." She sent that and then finished fixing her cup of science juice before sitting down. "Are you bringing Adrian to the talk?"

"Is that appropriate?"

Jane shrugged. "You know, I don't know. Try it anyway. Or bring him back here so you can introduce them if he's not a total douchebag."

"Good idea, Janey!" She went to get her kid from the daycare for now. He was being bored and pouting at the frozen picture. She stared at the worker. "You turned off PBS again?"

"He had a complete and total baby day," the worker said with a smile. "Including turning into a chimp. Like the ones he saw the zoo." Darcy moaned. "Yes, he threw food, and toys, and his poop at the other kids. Who threw it back though." She grinned. "I was going to see if you were doing baby safe things after nap time. Before they started it again. He wouldn't take a nap for me."

"I'm doing paperwork. He can help me nag Jane." She picked up her boy, kissing him on the cheek. "You're not a chimp! You're not that hairy, Addy." She sighed, looking at the smiling worker. "Sorry?"

"Most kids like zoos and animals. He's not the first wanting to be an animal. Most of them growl and hiss, he decided to go simian." She shrugged, walking off. "Thank you, Darcy."

"Welcome. Next time tell me sooner so I can come nag him like he's Jane." She carried the baby off. "Jane, he thinks he's one of the chimps we saw at the zoo this weekend," she said as she walked into the lab. "He threw things, including poop."

Jane moaned, shaking her head. The other scientist in there groaned as well. "At least he learned something."

"True, just not the right things. And the other kids helped." She sat down with Adrian in her lap to help her do data entry and answer emails. He enjoyed it. Things moved to keep his attention, that was enough for his toddler brain. She got a text message in warning that the meeting was going to break up for a long break soon. She handed Adrian to Jane and hurried up there. She walked around a few of the agents, glaring at one that got in her way. "Not here for you." She sighed as she ran into those female warriors. "Hey," she said with a nod and a smile. "The coffee shop is having a muffin sale today if you needed a snack. They're pretty nice. Nearly home made quality." She walked around the blonde girl, staring at the guy, who looked confused. "Long time no see," she said quietly.

He blinked his good eye a few times. "You were in that club in Sarasota. Right?" he finished with a grin.

"I was, yup. Darcy Lewis." She held out a hand.

"Xander Harris." He grinned back and shook her hand. "So you're an agent?"

"No, I'm a lab assistant to Dr. Jane Foster. I do her data stuff."

"Ah!" He nodded. "That's a whole lot more exciting than mine." One of the girls hit him on the arm so he swatted her. "Behave. Please?" He looked at Darcy again. "So is this a hint for coffee?"

"If you want." She grinned. "I thought we should catch up. Maybe talk about that night?"

He winced. "That sounds suspiciously like the start of a girl talk." Darcy nodded quickly. She also looked nervous. "Sure, let's go get coffee." He walked her off. "Ladies, behave please. We want to make a good impression. Not act like teenage girls."

"We've had Asgardian warriors around here a few times," Darcy said with a grin and a hand wave. "They can't be any worse than the belching those guys did."

"Don't tempt them," Xander quipped. "Please. I'd get yelled at by Giles if they act like heathen bitches."

Darcy grinned up at him. "I'm sure they're using company manners."

"I'd hope better but ...." He shrugged, holding the elevator door open for her and got on after her. He looked at her. "This looks suspiciously like the birth control we both used failed," he said quietly.

"And it would be." She pulled out her wallet and held up a picture. "Adrian is sixteen months."

He sighed. "I'm infertile though."

She shrugged. "I was on the pill, religiously on the pill, for a few years." She put the picture back then leaned against wall of the elevator. She hit the stop button then called someone. "It's Lewis. I stopped the elevator for a private talk, Happy." She hung up and looked at him. "I have no idea how he came to be." Xander smirked at her. "Seriously. If I remember right, we weren't even groiny that way."

"No, we didn't." He frowned. "I think I need to talk to a certain witch then."

Darcy waved a hand. "As long as whoever doesn't hurt him. He's my whole life."

He stepped closer. "Let me pause you with that thought. Darcy, I... I do stupid things with swords for a living. I'll gladly help you any way I can but I...I can't even put him in danger from visiting him." She slumped but nodded. "Like seriously. My girls, the slayers, I'm the head watcher in Africa at the moment." He grinned slightly. "Though him being around does explain a few odd comments I've heard over the last year and a bit." He looked up then at her, then sighed. "I have six contracts out on my life and they're only holding off because I'm still fighting to save people." She winced. "I'll gladly help upkeep and all that but if those ones hear about him, he's in danger and you are too."

She nodded. "That's actually pretty reasonable. I was going to ask if you wanted to meet him."

"I wouldn't mind. I can be a fond, distant uncle sort. Who will pay child support." His phone beeped and he sighed, looking at it. "No, Buffy, I'm busy." He texted that and put his phone back into his pocket. "Slayers are really strong girls who're too weak to get their own coffee." She laughed. "Seriously!" He did relax some though. "I'm sorry I knocked you up. I really didn't plan on it."

She waved a hand. "I didn't plan on him either but he's here and he's okay. Even if he did decide to throw poop in daycare today because he wanted to be a chimp." Xander burst out giggling, leaning against the wall and shaking his head. "He's just like that."

"Yeah. I'm well known as a force of chaos," he said dryly, smirking at her. "Anywhere but to the slayers, who think I'm normal."

"Wow."

"Yeah." They shared a look. "I'll gladly be a fond uncle and help you how I can. I'll write him a letter so he can hate me when he's old enough to understand. I don't want to put you in danger though."

"We're in Avengers tower, Xander. Jane's dating Thor, again. Is yours much worse?"

"Um, yeah." He pulled up something to let her see it. "I've got sixteen agents who want to kill me, and have offered to pay someone to do it for them. Plus some from demons, and a few militias down there that I had to trick into saving their own butts."

She slumped, staring at him. "How?"

He grinned. "Good old fashioned asshole moments." He nodded a bit. "I have a lot of those sometimes. And battles against demons." She moaned. "Yeah." He took his phone back to answer the new text. "I'm not telling her. I'll never hear the end of it. Is he ...kind of chaosy?"

"Well, he's a toddler," she admitted. "They're all high priests to chaos beings."

"I wonder if it was Janus. He had me possessed twice now." She blinked at that. He grinned. "Yeah, I'm just like that. I hope he's not a little me. I drive people nuts." She hugged him. He cuddled back. "Thanks, Darcy." He let her go so she stepped back. "Let's go meet my spawn?"

"Yeah." She took him up to the labs, tapping before walking in. Jane looked up from explaining star drift theories to stare at them. "Jane, this is Xander. Xander, this is Jane, who is like my sister and a favorite aunty to Adrian." She plucked her kid from Jane's lap, holding him up so Xander could see him. "This is Adrian."

Xander carefully took him. "Hey, little dude." He grinned. The baby giggled back and patted him with a sticky hand. "I hope someone cleaned that after what I heard you did earlier." Darcy nodded, sitting down. Xander found a seat and sat down, still staring at the baby. "So, are you a happy, good boy?"

"Sometimes," Jane admitted. "So...what happened?"

"No idea since I've been infertile since I was seventeen and I nearly got turned into a merman." Jane spluttered. Xander grinned. "I'm hoping he's not like me in that way." He looked at the baby again. "You're going to be a good boy for your mommy. She'll have me teach you about the wacky stuff I do later on, when you're old enough to hear about evil things like slayers without sleep and chocolate." His phone beeped again. He rolled his eyes with a sigh. "I'll nag the Buffy later. You don't have to worry about her. She'd run from you being so nice and cute. She only likes predators so you're safe from her cuddling." He looked up at Darcy. "Can I have him checked for magic?"

She nodded. "Yes, there is some. Someone in London found it and had a fit."

"Wish they had told me." He looked up again with a scowl. "Someone's going to pay for that." Everyone looked up at the eep that came out, even the baby.

"Baba!" the baby cooed with a wave at the air.

"Yes, she is! That's so smart!" Xander cooed with a grin. "Such a smart boy! Clearly you got your mommy's brains since mine's a bit rusty." The baby wiggled so he let him get down to toddle over to Auntie Jane, mostly to try to steal her coffee to sip. Darcy got him a bottle of juice from their fridge, letting Jane hold it for him. Xander looked up again. "Want to tell me before I go ask?" he asked politely.

A ghostly figure of a guy faded in. "Wasn't us," Whistler said bluntly. "Wasn't anyone associated with us."

"So Willow?" Xander asked dryly.

"Um, not sure. We don't claim that witch."

"Does that mean he's got real magic?" Darcy asked.

"Slightly. He gets it from his dad," Whistler told her. He looked at Xander again. "He's not like you in the most special ways."

"So Janus hasn't cooed over him yet?" he guessed, looking amused. "Or the demons who knew and didn't tell me really don't and were just being weird?"

"No. Janus thinks he's adorable but not one of his." He shuddered. "But Cordelia is cooing over him. She thinks he's adorable and he'll never do your job."

"Thank you, Goddess," Xander quipped. "So not prophesied, no due to work for you guys?" Whistler shook his head.

"Does that have something to due with us knowing Asgardians?" Darcy asked. Jane moaned.

Whistler stared at her. "You should ask the big blond guy if he blessed your kid somehow." Xander let out a growl. "Not us!" He backed up a step. "Want me to tell the girls you're busy?"

"I can do that. They're not to get near him either. And if any of the ones who want me try for him or his mom or his auntie, they're going to get me in the worst possible way. And I'll call in Anya's debts." Whistler swallowed but nodded and disappeared. "Wow." He looked up then called someone. "Come down to the lab floor please, Miss Faith, and bring Giles."

He hung up. "We'll see what our sorcerer at large says. That way he's noted, protected, and Giles can adjust my paycheck to pay you support." He frowned at Jane. "The girls laughed about the elves. They thought they were cute and nice and easier than demons. I whipped a few asses that day in sparring."

A brunette woman and an older white gentleman walked in together. "You rang for backup, X?" she asked. She spotted the baby and stared. "No way," she breathed.

"Whistler said it was not anyone who is officially under the PTB's thumbs that helped him come into being through three forms of birth control, me being infertile, and us not having groiny intentions." He looked at Giles, who sighed but picked up the baby to test him magically. "By the way, Darcy, this is Faith. She's the second senior slayer and she has sense. It's in short supply among the girls." He grinned at her. "I tell Faith stuff and I trust her a lot more than I do Buffy."

Giles nodded. "She'll coo then yell at you over him being in existence," he agreed. "He is magically inclined, and does tend to read toward ...I believe it's void magic." He put the baby back onto the floor. He looked at the mother. "Rupert Giles, head of of the New Watchers Council." He smiled and held out a hand.

"Darcy Lewis, and Adrian's my baby." She shook his hand. "I understand it being too dangerous for him to be a daddy and we don't really need a lot of support, Xander."

"If he's got my DNA contamination, you might," he offered. "I have about six chromosomes damage from the merman thing." Jane whined. "And about twenty percent of my body energy is actually hellmouth radiation." He stared at her. "Does he have that, Giles?"

"No. I find no evidence of hellmouth taint. Thankfully. Though I would encourage him to never be brought near one, Miss Lewis. Just in case."

"X and a few others had radiation poisoning when we left Sunnydale after it fell in," Faith said, leaning against the door. Xander nodded. "You can't have kids," she told Xander.

"No, I can't."

"Shit," she muttered, looking down and nodding. "So, plots?"

"Not by anyone associated with the PTB," he quipped. "According to Whistler."

"I'll shake Red later to see if it was her," she decided. "And have someone do a protection from witches for him." She texted someone, getting an answer back. "Yeah, they know about him but they knew you're not close with him."

"I'd like to not get them into danger."

"We can work on that with the head bitch in charge," Faith decided.

"She doesn't know about his daddy," Darcy said. "No one knew. I barely knew his name. It was a fun night, but nothing life shaking."

Faith grinned. "He's good at it too. I tapped him once, and it was our first time, and I still have flashbacks." He blushed but hit her on the arm.

"Faith, must you?" Giles demanded. He looked at Darcy. "Though I must say, you're much nicer than his last few dates. If only because you don't kill people for money." Xander swatted him too. "They were."

"My last one was a female warrior, Giles."

"Yes, to a chaos goddess. We were most amused by her focus of getting Janus killed off." He sighed, looking at Darcy again. "We can protect your son."

"Especially from Buffy and the girls of shopping doom," Faith quipped.

Xander moaned but shuddered. "Please don't start a flashback today, Faith."

"Yeah, I don't want mine either. I did school shopping this year thanks to the slayer flu going around." She shuddered, hugging herself. Giles patted her on the arm.

"Things are different when you fight demons," Jane said dryly.

Xander nodded. "We make sure the girls stay girls and not full time warriors. Some of them...they're very girly beyond all that. Especially Buffy. She who shops for booty shorts for battles." He looked up then at Faith.

"I've waxed poetic about how great leather pants are for battles to try to get her to wear hers. She *still* went after Gorth in a booty skirt and go-go boots. At least she had a real shirt on this time though." Giles cleaned his glasses but shook his head. She grinned at Darcy. "We'll tell the girls you were a quick fling of his to excuse you guys talking about the spawn. That way no one gets curious."

"Thanks, Faith."

"Welcome. We'll protect him from the girls and the demons." She smirked. "Not that I don't think he could probably drive anyone who tried to grab him nuts."

Xander nodded. "And I'd finish it off." He looked at Jane then at Darcy. "I'm still really sorry something in my screwed up life screwed up yours that way."

"I'm really not. He's a good boy. Most of the time. Though he's not going near any chimps anytime soon."

Faith flapped a hand with a grin. "Slayer Glenda's mom lost her at the St. Louis zoo. Glenda's about his age. She crawled in with the otters and squealed back at them while petting them." Jane made a whining noise. Darcy moaned. "And managed to get away from the zookeepers going in to get her so she could go flirt with the hippo a few minutes later. She was in a stroller with a screen cover against flies that had a lock so she couldn't get out. She broke it to go play with the animals. Knocked her mom out. Crawled off. Someone got it on video while others called the zookeepers. And she's the more sane baby slayer we have among them." She grinned at the mom. "At least little guy there is *sane*."

"Me too," Xander agreed with a slight nod. "Hopefully he'll never pick up the same axe I use." He bit his top lip, looking at his boss.

"We'll leave them information in case they need it, like we would for a baby slayer's family," Giles assured him. "That way if something should occur they can figure out if it's handleable or if they need to call one of us to come fix it for them."

"I'm putting him under my favorite semi-nephew so they *never* want to come near him," Faith said with a pat to Xander's shoulder and a grin for Darcy and Jane. "Because I'm not the slayer to mess with when messy things start heading for a fan."

"I can make sure he's not noted in any of the undergrounds that I have to work with or around," Xander promised. "That way no one gets an idiot idea." He stared at her. "I'll make sure you have a good letter for him when he's old enough and we can chat casually. I'll be a great, fond, distant uncle until I fall in a battle." Faith whapped him on the arm. "It's true."

"But not nice and not something any of us want to hear today," Faith assured him. "You're damn well immortal, Xander. I said so. Any guy who goes into an invasion scenario with a few soldiers and an axe has to be."

"That was necessary. They didn't want to believe." He shrugged at her. "Not much else I could do. Al Shabab's local sub-group was not happy to be helping either."

"You're nuts," Jane said.

Xander grinned at her. "Thank you!" He smiled. "That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me in months. Really, it is." Faith nodded to back him up. His phone beeped again. "Especially from the blonde." He looked at his phone then he called. "I'm. Busy." He hung up with a sigh and put his phone up. "She's in huffy girl land so apparently they doubted girls in battle again." He stood up with a sigh, picking up Adrian to hug him. "You're a good boy. You'll be an excellent boy for your mommy and auntie and whatever stepfathers she chooses to help her. I know you will." He smiled. "And some day you'll say I'm nuts and too normal too I'm sure." He kissed him on the head and handed him to Darcy. "You and I can talk tomorrow?"

"Yeah, we can do that."

"Cool. It'll make it nicer since I'll be back in Africa escaping from the blondes." He winked at Jane then smiled at her. "We'll work things out then." He patted her cheek, staring at her. "We'll make sure he's protected from all the weird things I do." He winked and walked out with Faith.

Giles tucked his glasses into his shirt pocket. "He is the most amazing, stubborn, idiotic man I have ever met at times," he said, sounding fond. "I'm rather glad he turned into a man that he is but I'm sad that he's missing out on things. We'll talk next week, Miss Lewis. That way we can set up ways for you two to speak securely." He shook their hands and followed his children.

Darcy looked at Jane, who shrugged. "Okay, so I had really excellent taste that night. He's not pretty but he's strong, and good, and nice, and protective."

"He is." She looked up the guy online. "Some battle videos." They settled in to watch them with the baby napping on Mom's lap. By the end of the second, Jane was assuming he was part Asgardian. Darcy was sure he was weird but as strong as any Avengers they worked with. And just as heroic.

***

Darcy's not so secret kid got outed a few weeks later. Clint Barton was the world's most patient, bored babysitter ever. Adrian was bored, and being boring by trying not to nap while huddled under a blanket beside him on the couch while they watched the news. Clint had found out about the baby by tripping over him, literally, while Darcy had him with her while making Jane's lunch one day. The baby smiled then threw up on him so yeah, he liked the little guy. Even if he was whining a bit.

He patted the blanket covered mass on the back again, making the baby shift and huff but try not to nap some more. On the news, there was a battle with those girls they had met and talked to. Some of the team had been at that battle. Not him, he wasn't as useful when you needed heavier weapons. A lot of heavier weapons apparently. He looked up, nodding at the two people coming off the elevator.

"Hey." He went back to watching the battle reviews and people losing their ever loving minds about warrior women. "Natasha would want to beat them all." The baby fussed so he looked down. "It's up to you. If you don't want to sleep, don't sleep. Get up and do something baby-ish." The baby huffed and put his head back down. "Okay, if that's what you want."

"What is that?" Wanda asked.

"I stole Darcy's son to get some male influencing time in." He smirked. "She's good but he's a guy so he needs some guy lessons sometimes. I taught him how to kick balls around earlier. Now he's tired and doesn't want to nap so he's hiding."

"I didn't know we had any children in the building," Wanda said.

"Darcy is Jane's assistant. The brunette with the hats."

"Oh, her." She nodded. "Is he ...normal?"

Clint shrugged. "He's a toddler. How would you tell?" She glared at him. He stared back. "Don't start. I can't guarantee Darcy won't react, Wanda."

The Sorcerer Supreme cleared his throat. "I felt more magic coming up here. It's clear he has some."

Darcy walked off the elevator and stood between him and the baby. "Don't go near my kid. Ever." He glared. She stared back. "This is your only warning, Sorcerer." She smiled at Clint. "Did you two have fun guy time?"

"He learned how to kick around balls. Hey, Mom's here," he said gently, patting the baby.

She picked him up, blanket and all. "It's cool. He can come nap on Auntie Jane. Thanks for giving him guy time, Clint." She walked him off. The sorcerer tried to block her until she zapped him with her tazer. "I warned you to stay away from my son." She stared at him for a moment then walked around him. "I don't put up with shit around him. Deal with it."

"He has magic," he noted.

"Well, duh!" she shot back as she got onto the elevator. "But he doesn't need *your* help with that." She gave him a pointed look then pressed the button for the labs. She walked off the elevator into a greeting committee. "Hey, Stark." She looked then uncovered his head. "Adrian was getting guy time with Clint. He asked." She grinned at him.

"That's cool. Guy time is important for little guys." He looked at the napping baby. "He's cute, Lewis."

"Thanks. He likes the daycare but the worker's sick today."

"Hey, Jane's not doing dangerous things. I know the AI's all pay attention to him, though I didn't know he was so small, but I know they like to watch over him in case something happens." He stared at her. "That talk during that meeting."

"Yeah, he came to be through three forms of BC and his daddy being infertile."

Stark winced. "That figures. Was that why we had that assassin show up last month?"

"No. That was someone's ex showing up to check on him. He's a myth." She grinned at Bruce and Pepper as they moved closer. "He's a good boy. Hardly ever bites," she quipped. "Thinks Thor's hair is a great thing to nap while sucking his thumb with some in his fist." Pepper smiled, petting down some flyaway hair. "He's mostly a good boy." She shifted so Bruce could see him better.

"It's good he's a good boy," Bruce agreed. "Is he why you have the Hulk Plushie on your desk?"

"Yeah, he slept with it for six months. Refused to give it up until Clint gave him a stuffed dog friend." She smiled at him. "He laughs when you crash things together."

"That's what kids do," Pepper agreed patiently. "Is he on your paperwork?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "Always has been. And my insurance."

"That's good. We need to make sure he's taken care of in case the building's attacked again."

"Jane made him a safe space so he can hide and he already knows how to get into it." Stark beamed at that. "Before you can ask, his dad's not in his life. He felt it was too dangerous to Adrian and us." They all stared. She stared at Stark, who nodded he had figured that out. "Since there's like six contracts out on his life.... He's a fond, distant uncle sort. We worked that out. Some of his people know about him at the top level but won't mention it and are protecting him from their stuff too."

"That's a great idea," he agreed, taking the kid to hold since he was waking up. "Hey, Adrian. Nice to meet you."

The baby stared at him then patted his beard before grinning and cackling. "Papa!"

"No, he's not a panda," Darcy sighed, taking him back. "He's verbal but only talks in partial ones for the next few months. His vocab is about twelve words and about fifty partial ones."

Tony grinned. "I've been called worse than a panda." He patted him on the head. "So the zapping?" he asked with a smirk.

"Staring at my kid because he has some magic? Yup, sure did." She stared back.

"That's reasonable. He's too young to do more than unconscious things that way," Pepper sighed.

Darcy looked at her. "He's a toddler, Pepper. They're all chaotic sources anyway. And he doesn't use it. The guy that oversees the slayers looked at him and said he's got what looks to be baby void magic." Pepper sighed but nodded. "And those two aren't the ones I'd like him to look up to for magical information."

"No, me either," Pepper agreed. She smiled at the staring baby. "Hi, Adrian."

"Hi!" He smiled and waved, getting waved back at. "Pretty!"

"Thank you for that. You're very handsome as well." She grinned at him. "He's adorable."

"I try." She looked at her kid. Then at Stark, and Jane since she was walking up behind him. "I had to zap someone staring at him."

"I heard. Good going!" She took Adrian, who cackled while petting her hair down. "Thanks, baby geek. C'mon, let's get some coffee." She walked him off. "The AI said the sorcerer is coming again."

Darcy sighed but nodded. "Yeah, I don't want him around the kid. I have a bad feeling about that." She looked at Tony, who shook his head with a sigh. "I was going to ask for a small conference about him in a few months," she said quietly. "His daddy has a chromosome issue that we want to see if he has too."

"Yeah, we can look at that. There's some weird stories about his daddy." The Sorcerer Supreme walked off the elevator. "The kid's fine. Thanks."

"He should have his magic bound until he makes a decision to use it," he said.

Darcy turned and zapped him again, making him scream. "I'm not going to abuse my son and harm him for your pleasure. If you don't like it, fuck the hell off since you weren't asked to input anything, much less the shit you just tried to inject. I've seen the ones you 'bound'." He backed out of range.

"I agree, that's child abuse," Pepper said. "And won't be done unless he's critically hurting himself or others. Then we'll figure out some way to dampen it without harming him."

"Yeah, there's ways," Darcy said. "I was warned about this one's ideology by his daddy's sorcerer friends." He backed up farther. "Go. Shoo. Never come near my son unless you're saving his life." She waved. "Let me make sure Jane has more than coffee. Thankfully she feeds the kid decaf when he begs for some." She strolled off. "Have a great day, people. And Sorcerer."

Stark tried not to laugh. "I love Lewis being mouthy." Pepper nodded, going back to her office. Bruce went to his own lab. "We think the baby's just fine. If he breaks out in evil magic, we'll figure it out. Thanks though. Have a great trip." He walked off to go talk to Lewis about his daddy's chromosome problem.

The sorcerer went back to his demesne to make notes about that child and his mother. He knew it'd become a problem someday soon. Of course, he stepped outside and got stolen by a demon. Who didn't seem to be bothered by his attacks at all. That one wanted to know about the child but then a young woman showed up with a sword and took it out.

She sighed, looking at the sorcerer. "You broke protections on that child. That makes you the evil in his life." She walked off, getting sent home. He could find his own way back to reality. Sometime.

The sorcerer huffed but did start to craft the traveling portals so he could make it back home. It'd take a few days but oh well.

***

Tony looked at the DNA workup he had done on the kid. "What is that?" he muttered. He paged Jane and Lewis, who came in with the kid. "What's that?" he asked with a point.

She looked then at Jane. "We need total privacy, can't be recorded anywhere," Jane said. "Not in any sort of record." He nodded, turning that all off. "His dad noted he had six chromosomes that were warped by nearly being turned into a merman."

Darcy sat down with Adrian on her lap. He tried to get down but she poked him on the shoulder so he quit. "Yeah, his dad was Xander, the guy who works with the slayers."

"I figured," Tony agreed with a nod. "Merman?"

"I got a copy of his diary," Darcy said then held out the USB keydrive. "He went to see why the swim team was changing and then eating people."

He sighed but took it to run and look up. "Huh. He did." He blinked a few times. "They're so weird."

"Yeah, but only him, Slayer Faith, and Mr. Giles knows about him. And maybe Dawn, Buffy's sister."

Tony nodded at that. "That's good. Looking him up through Barton, he's in deep." He looked at her again. "That's why?"

"He warned me up front and said that he'd be a fond, spoiling, distant uncle because of that," Darcy agreed with a nod. "He said that they're holding off on them because no one else will take his place in the battles down there."

"Probably." He frowned. "Okay, so the magic probably comes from him?" Jane nodded. "Has anyone else shown that sort of interest in him?"

"Wanda," she said dryly. "I don't think she wants to do something harmful though."

"That's good. The sorcerer come back?"

"Oh, that's a whole other talk," Jane said, handing over the envelope she carried. "I got that yesterday, had a conference with his daddy, and his boss. They're not amused. They're about to sic their people on him." She smirked. "Even though a demon went after him because he broke the protections on Adrian."

"They're back on now," Darcy said dryly. "Xander sent me a name and I went to visit last night." Tony was growling at the paperwork. "So can we borrow a lawyer, Stark?"

"Yeah, you can." He looked at her. "There's judges who'd hand him over to be harmed because he has that gift."

"And we can point at ones who've had that done to them. Like Loki." She looked off to the side. "Knew you were there, dude. The baby flinched when you appeared. Did Thor bless me to have him?"

"Indeed," Loki said smugly. "That baby is very interesting." He moved closer. Someone appeared behind him and grabbed him by the throat with a blade to it before Loki could react. "Who're you?" he demanded. "Unhand me."

"Shut up," Xander hissed in his ear. "Before I take out all three of your high priests on this realm, Lord Loki. Don't go near my son." Loki looked at his captor. He smirked. "Yeah, it's me."

"Shit," Loki muttered.

Xander grinned. "Exactly." He let him go. "Don't fuss at my son. Someone made him come into being since he came through me being infertile and her birth control."

Loki groaned, checking him. "They wanted a future warrior."

"He's into legos," Darcy said. "If he's one he'll follow someone like Stark's footsteps."

Jane smiled and nodded. "I have been getting him into science already."

Xander gave her an odd look. "I only passed biology because Willow puked on my frog, but I can make chemical weapons if it helps him." He smirked.

"Chemistry's cool," Darcy agreed, looking at Loki. "Why show up?"

"I'm indebted," he complained. "Someone wants him protected."

"Please do. The Sorcerer Supreme wants custody of him to bind him. I was going to use you as an example of why you don't do that."

Loki stared at her. "Not a bad example of why that's wrong. I nearly destroyed Asgard when mine was bound due to an illness." He smirked. She nodded she knew that. "A bard told you that story?"

"A history book actually. I'm a humanities major, Loki. Mythology was an easy elective class." She grinned at Xander, who shrugged but patted the baby on the head. "He's been good. Then that sorcerer showed up a few weeks back while bringing Wanda home."

"Yeah, I don't want her near him either," he said dryly. "Her power's unstable."

"No comment," Jane said. "She can rehab."

Xander nodded. "Might be nice."

Darcy nodded. "I don't think she wants to hurt him but she's confused about him."

"Molana said that she ended a power tap from her when she put back on the protections." Xander leaned against a wall. Then he stared at Loki. "If we bless him to someone would that help?"

"He doesn't have to take up their service when he's of age to choose, but it would tilt him toward their methods." He tested the child, shaking his head. "No one would be over his sort of power."

"They said void power," Darcy said quietly.

"Cosmic power," Loki corrected, then sighed. "The one who indebted me thanks to that blasted poker game has some of the same."

"They split off Dawn's powers into him?" Xander hissed in Norse. Jane spluttered. "No comment. That's a huge secret, Foster." He looked at Loki again, who nodded. "We sure?"

"Yes." He waved a hand. "He's about a third of her skills."

"Are there others?" Xander asked.

"When she has children. It saved Dawn's form and life as it was eating her."

"Fuck!" He kicked the wall then nodded. "Well, that explains a few things. I really would've liked to have known. I would've done something with Mary or someone like her who could handle that. Darcy's way too nice and normal to deal with our things."

Loki shook his head. "It's not harming him. The sorcerer probably saw strong magic." He waved a hand again. "He's perfectly normal outside that, Harris. Not even your chaotic problems taint him yet."

"Giles said to never bring him near a hellmouth."

"That's good for any being," Loki agreed, then rolled his eyes. "I can feel that witch of yours paying attention." He sent a spell to blind her. "There, that's nicer." He looked at Xander. "She might agree with him."

"Not if she values her ass being whole," Xander said bluntly. "Though I'll talk to Giles in a few minutes." They shared a look. "How do we best protect him from the idiots who want to hurt him?"

"Stop the sorcerer first," Loki said. Stark nodded at that. "Stop the judge as well. Get Thor to help. He's loud and obnoxious and able to defend the child if he knows."

"That would mean he could tell others," Jane said. "I know he can keep a secret but will he?"

Loki considered it. "I think he would only tell our mother were she still around."

"She is," Xander quipped. "Her phantom otherself got killed, not her. She's in cryo storage in Amada."

Loki blinked a few times. "Excuse me?" he demanded. Xander grinned at him. "How...otherself?" he demanded. He shifted, considering it. "Oh, dear. No wonder she lost!" He hit himself on the forehead. "If her magic had been present it would've come out automatically to help her!" He kicked a chair then calmed himself. "Amada you said?"

"Her girlish temple of belief was there from what I heard."

Loki nodded then huffed again. "Dawn said thus?"

"Blair said thus," he shot back with a smirk. "Dawn wouldn't go near a marriage goddess. She's against that state."

"Point." He nodded at Thor when he stomped in. "Mother's otherself was the one defeated apparently."

Thor paused his stomping to stare at him. "What?" he demanded. Xander nodded. "You know how, warrior?"

"I know where. Someone told me she's laying in cryo storage in Amada. Her girlish temple of belief."

"Blast!" he shouted, making Adrian flinch. "Not you, nephew." He patted him on the head. "What is going on now?" Jane handed over the papers from Tony's desk. He read them, grimacing. "Nay, he will not!"

"We're going to fight it and him," Darcy assured him. She hit him on the arm. "I should get you with my tazer a few times, Thor, since your blessing meant he came through the birth control we used and his father being infertile!" She hit him again.

"I'm sorry," he said, looking sheepish. "I did not mean that consequence." He paused, looking at his brother. "A prophecy child?"

"One to save another with gifts." He leaned against the wall Xander was leaning on but away from him. "Dawn, Thor."

Thor slumped, muttering things that should probably color the air around his head if they were in a human language. He looked at Xander. "She has a picture of you."

He grinned and waved. "I'm Xander." Thor stepped away from him, looking amused. "And Adrian's mine with Darcy."

"Oh." He looked at the baby then at the hunter. "He is a good boy."

Xander grinned and nodded. "He's a great little boy, Thor. I'm being a fond uncle so he's not in danger from what I do."

"That's reasonable. It keeps him and his mother safer. We can guard him from most other things but the things you handle...." He swallowed. "Thank you for saving that womens house."

"I'd never let something like that happen around me, Thor. I'm an asshole but not that sort."

"Hole," Adrian quipped.

Xander grinned at him. "You can call me that when you're old enough to understand this talk, little guy. I fully expect that." Darcy giggled, staring at him. "I do!" He looked at Stark again. "So, legal challenge is when?"

"Two weeks."

"I'm not having any emergencies at that time that I know of. Sure, I can handle that. I've seen judges about some of my girls before." He looked at Thor. "That sorcerer wants the kid's powers."

"Nay, that will not happen while I stand," Thor said patiently. "He will not harm him, Hunter." Xander grinned at that. "It does explain many things that look at him then hurry off."

"Yeah, we want him to not get their notice," Xander said. "Oh, I had to add someone who knew, Darcy. Goddess D'Nar. She heard rumors and tried to attack me for not being a man who took care of his children properly. So I had to tell her why to save my own ass."

"That's fine. She sent him a pretty plant with a card."

Thor nodded. "She is a goddess of the garden. Very nice lady as well." Loki nodded at that. He looked at Xander. "Is Dawn due to have children?"

"She was told if she did, she'd end up dissolving on the labor table and leave the kid there while her body went back to the elemental form."

"So probably not," Loki agreed. He shook his head quickly. "All right. We must protect the little one. Who is apparently getting messy."

Darcy looked then sighed, going to change him in the bathroom. She had carried in the diaper bag with her because she knew it'd happen.

Stark looked. "Clean up any mess you make," he called after her.

"Of course. Unlike my son, I don't throw feces around, Stark."

"He did?" he asked Jane.

"She took him to the zoo. He decided he wanted to be a chimp," she said dryly but smiled about it. "In the daycare. Some of the kids threw theirs back."

He shook his head quickly. "Gross."

"That was the day I met him," Xander quipped. He shook his own head, catching the running kid when he ran over. "Hey, Adrian. Are you running from Mommy?"

"Please?" he asked with a grin.

He picked him up. "Please what? Please cuddle? I can do that." Adrian pouted. "Jane?"

"Please coffee, please drink, please food?" Jane suggested. Adrian squealed and leaned over to play with her hair. "Oh! Please play with me. Go ahead." Xander nodded, getting down to play with the little guy. That made him happier. Especially when he stole a knife from Thor's boot to wave around while being chased.

Thor stared then sighed. "Well, his father is a warrior," he muttered. Loki burst out giggling, smirking at him. Xander tossed the knife back at Thor and handed the baby his pocket knife instead. That made him just as happy but was safer.

Darcy came out after washing her hands, shaking her head. "He likes shiny things."

"Shiny!" Adrian agreed with a smirk for the adults.

"Yeah, that is," Stark agreed with a nod. "It's a good shiny, Adrian." He patted him on the head when he ran past, squealing toward a robot. "U, play with the kid *safely*," he ordered. The robot came to life to tease the baby by not letting him grab his shiny parts. The baby squealed but thought it was a fun game. He looked at Xander. "So, your only one?"

"Yup. I'm infertile."

"He's got two chromosomes that're different." He let him see it.

Xander looked. "That's hellmouth radiation damage." He got the keyboard handed to him when he looked around, getting into a sealed site and file that took an extra password. "This is mine." He let Stark see it. "Done by a geneticist out of Switzerland who I ran into while I had malaria and strange complications."

Stark looked it over, then nodded. "What's hellmouth radiation?" Xander sighed but took off a necklace he was wearing. A virtual screen with an energy warning and reading showed up. "Oh, that's....what is that?"

Xander put back on the necklace and smiled. "Hellmouth radiation. I got a ton of it stored somehow. But no mermaid taint?"

"No, not that it looks like." The energy was going back down. "Huh. Do they all radiate?"

"Yeah, to some extent. I just sucked up a ton of Sunnydale's."

"Wow." He made himself notes, then looked at Darcy. "You don't have that, right?"

"No, I'm perfectly normal." She looked at Jane, who was taking a reading off Xander's back. "Jane."

"That's not quite bridge energy but it's really close."

"Hellmouths go to multiple planes," Xander said. "Or dimensions, I can't remember which. So they've got portal applications and other things. It's a thin spot in the wall."

"I need to take more readings on that." She grinned at Xander. "Can I do that?"

"Yeah, I guess. I'm hoping it won't draw something here to taste me this time. Last time's licked and it tickled."

Jane blinked at him again. "What?"

"A Nyx cat," Loki complained.

"Those are myths," Thor complained back.

"Not hardly but they're sweet." Xander grinned. "Very cuddly too."

Jane sighed. "We can go over that later. Let's see if we can do something with that radiation you carry."

"Well, I can let it out and start a new one," Xander offered. Then he smirked at her. "Each one goes to mostly different places too."

"Hmm." She went back to her readings, walking around him to see if it changed. She moved the necklace overtop of his shirt to take those readings. When the inky black cat showed up, Xander settled down to pet it with his son. Who loved animals.

Darcy took pictures, grinning at Stark. "I have the neatest kid ever."

"You do," he agreed. "Bit weird but he's still tiny so he'll grow out of most of it and be more like your version of weird." Bruce came stomping in and paused then moaned and came to help Jane test that energy. Stark was recording all this energy testing. They might find a use for it. It might even make the hellmouths safer if they did.

***

Darcy's lawyer smirked at the judge then at the sorcerer he had on the stand. "You say it's your job to be over all the magic users on this plane?"

"Yes," the Sorcerer Supreme said. "As it has always been."

"So you handle others that cause problems?"

"Yes."

"Did you handle the Witch Rosenburg when she went critical due to the loss of her lifemate?"

"I was not part of the order then."

"Did the holder of your office do that then?"

"Not that I'm aware of. We're meant to handle witches that have problems with their gifts and to defend the earth from the others who would cause harm."

"So, the most recent three incidences of magic users causing harm, you weren't at any of them?"

"Pardon?"

"Witch Rosenburg losing control due to the loss of her lifemate, the Witch Katelyn in Washington DC losing control of her magic due to meningitis, and an attack on New York by Loki are the most recent *big* events by magic users. You weren't at any of them. Were you?"

"I was not part of the order when Loki attacked New York. I was not aware of a young witch going critical due to being ill either."

"Yet, it's your job."

"One of the other members of the order may have handled that one if they were closer. It did not reach my senses."

"Hmm. And yet, none of the members of your order were there. That one was handled by Witch Rosenburg of the Council."

"She was probably paying attention in case something happened," Sorcerer Strange said, adjusting his shirt.

"No. She's stated in the incidence reports that she woke up to it." He put that in front of the judge. "Into evidence please, Your Honor. Also, it doesn't seem like any of your order was there when Loki attacked Manhattan."

"That was not magical by my understanding."

"That cosmic power he was using didn't twitch any of your...senses?"

"I was not part of the order then."

"Why did they give you, who is relatively new to his gifts, the head of the order when there were *many* more experienced sorcerers?"

"I'm not aware of the Ancient One's decision on that matter."

"Hmm. You're a former neurologist, correct?"

"I am, a neurologic surgeon actually."

"What would be the consequences of giving the child something that would block up their energy?"

"I've not seen any in any of the adults that've had that done, both out of necessity and by their will."

"And yet, we have." He walked back to his table and pulled out a file. "Here I have autopsy results on three of the witches your order has bound in the last two decades." He handed them over. "By your experience, would that cause of death be because of that blockage?"

He looked them over, frowning. "It may have contributed but was not the cause. This one died of an aneurysm blowing."

"Ah. Yet, it was contributed to the build up of magic that made it blow. It had been fixed." He looked at the file and pointed. "If she had not been overloaded by her energy having no way out, she wouldn't have exploded."

"I see they decided on that but that may not be correct. From our records, she died of an attack on her home."

"Yes, that's why she was overloaded and glowing when she made it to the ER. Which your order didn't handle for her." He stared at him. "Did they?"

"No. We were not asked to."

"So you rendered her unable to defend herself and then left her to die of it?"

"That was not the intention of those that bound her at her will."

"Her parent's will," the lawyer said firmly. "She was sixteen when she died, Sorcerer. Not able to make that sort of decision by herself and by her diary, which was published by her mother, her father forced her to make that decision because of his bigoted viewpoint of his daughter's gifts." He handed that to the judge as well. "For this case's evidence, Your Honor."

He read it over. "She had nice handwriting. Is this relevant?"

"If it does that sort of damage to a teenage girl, what would it do to a toddler, Your Honor?"

"We have others who have had to have theirs bound for their own safety," the sorcerer said. "They were not harmed."

"Please turn to the third autopsy report then," the lawyer said, making the sorcerer do that and then wince. "Yes, your 'Ancient One' bound that child's power for being a male with gifts unlike theirs and it killed him within two days. Are you *sure* that wouldn't happen here since that child doesn't have your form of magic?"

"We have no idea if he does or not," the Sorcerer countered.

"Yes we do." He walked back and got a file. "I have here a certified statement from the head of the Watchers Council, who tested the child. He stated the child seems to have some sort of void oriented talent." He held it up. "We have a statement from Lord Thor himself who said it was noted to him by his brother that the child has cosmic energy sources, unknown what type." He held that up. "We have a statement here from Tony Stark stating that the child has power that seems to be relevant to the study of the Rainbow Bridge his aunt is studying as it seems to hum greatly when he's near it." He held that up. "Is that your order's form of sorcery?"

"Ours are gifted by the Vishanti."

"Ah. So not the same sort of magic. Then what makes you think that the incidences prior of this habit of your order's won't kill this child as it has others? Or at least cause brain damage?"

"We are trying to protect him from causing an incident that will cause harm to others, including his family."

"That's not your duty, Sorcerer. That's up to his mother."

"If she cannot, others must."

"Are you so sure she can't?" He stared at him. "Did you ever test to see if his mother has magic? Or perhaps it comes from his father's line? His father wasn't noted. Though I do have to note here that your order seems to pick on more women than men with powers. Why is that?" He went back to his seat and sat down. "I'm done since he won't answer that, Your Honor."

"Thank you. You're dismissed, Sorcerer. Any other witnesses to call, Mr. Prentis?"

"No, Your Honor," the other lawyer said, sounding disgruntled.

"Mr. Lawrence, your turn I suppose," he said blandly.

"Your Honor, I call Loki of Asgard." The judge stood up glaring at him. "He has promised to be peaceful but he is a magic user who does use magic like the child in question so he's agreed to talk to us about his style of gifts."

"Is he dangerous to this court?"

"No, not at this time." Loki stood up and dispelled his glamour, walking up there to sit down in the witness box. "I won't ask you to swear on a bible to tell the truth, Lord Loki. I would appreciate it if you would however."

"Lying at this time has no benefit for me," he said smoothly. "Though I will swear upon my mother's gifts that I will not lie about this child's abilities."

"I suppose that's good enough. Most people wouldn't want to upset their mother," the judge said, sitting back down. "Make it fast, Mr. Lawrence."

"Of course. Lord Loki, thank you for your help in this matter." Loki smirked and tipped his head. "The child's skills are more like Asgardian magic than nature magic or like the Vishanti-given magic the sorcerer uses?"

"In a way. Many of the lower levels of Asgardian magic have much in common with the nature witches you have down here. Those like Rosenburg." He let the grimace at her name clear up. "At the higher levels we have people who study the various other types of power that can be harnessed into personal use, which you would term magic."

He crossed his legs. "The baby's type of magic, which is partially void based and partially cosmic based, isn't one that's studied greatly but we have a few people who use both types of gifts for their magical exercises. The void ones tend to be highly creative and annoyingly smart. The cosmic power ones tend to be very cautious as they can blow up things by accident if they're not. They have teachers who they study under first so they don't just sneeze and blow up a tree, or more."

"Are there ones who could teach this child once he's of age?"

"Yes." He smirked. "There's four or five *good*, *decent*, ones who could and would gladly love to train that child. I've talked to one to get his mother helpful ideas until he's old enough to handle things. They agreed he may need something to shield himself from being found by higher beings but that can be put on a bracelet and won't back him up the way the sorcerer's people's way does."

"So their way is harmful?"

"Yes. It's like..." He tipped his head and thought. "Your people have ways of retaining fluid until something ruptures. Not your bladders but like in a limb."

"I've seen that happen and some ruptured," the judge said. "Are you comparing that?"

"Yes." Loki nodded. "Only powers such as magical gifts rest in the blood and every single organ. If you're talking about that retaining the energy, it would swell those until they also rupture with the overfill."

"So the one that died of brain aneurysm, that was almost certainly magical?" Mr. Lawrence asked.

"Yes. It would have been. I've seen ones that have fully exploded their whole being. I've seen one that had her brain rip itself apart. One of my fellow students was blocked by her lover, who was jealous of her skills, and it killed her by ripping her brain into chunks inside her head. Which then let her powers come out explosively and destroyed him and the nearest area."

"How much of the house did it destroy?" the judge asked.

"Two hundred miles."

"Oh." He looked down and nodded.

"Is the child in question's power on that level?"

"That would depend on what he does with it. Right now, it's there, but it's just gently letting him know it's there. It glows a bit sometimes for him as I've seen. His nightlight was out so it made him glow last night. Anytime it went down, he woke up. It was quite amusing really." He smiled at Darcy then at the lawyer. "At his age, magic is just there, like sweat on his skin. It may gather more greatly at times, like doing things in the heat of summer will bring more sweat. As with a dirty child there's ways of cleaning it off. I've been instructing his mother how to do so. She doesn't come from a family that has traditional gifts."

"Did the child's gifts come from the father's side?"

"That and there was a blessing upon her line by my brother that made him a stronger child." He smirked a tiny bit. "That was not the strength Thor wanted him to be blessed with, but..." He waved a hand lazily in the air. "It also made him come into being even through your birth control methods. He is a bit over fertility after all."

"That's interesting," Mr. Lawrence said, looking at Darcy and the boy then at the God of Chaos again. "Is it possible the boy will become a danger without being held in check?"

"He's a young child. They may throw fits but he'd realize he was hurting people and stop himself due to it. His mother has done a good job mothering and training him not to be a pain in the arse."

"That's always a great thing," the lawyer agreed. He looked at the baby again then him. "Did the gifts come from his father's side of the family?"

"His has some. I've met his father. He's a very...interesting man. One I'd rather never have facing against my own forces in the future. If it was not prompted by Thor's blessing it came from the father's side of the family."

"That's good to know. Does the father know about him?"

"Yes, but his life is presently not one that's acceptable to raise a child in. So he's met him and they talk, but he does not participate in the raising of the boy." He noticed Darcy glaring at the lawyer. "It was a wise decision on his part."

"I see. Can you see of a problem with any form of restricting the child's gifts?"

"Yes. Brain damage is very bad for a body. What we would do is put something on him, usually in bracelet form, that would channel it into a less harmful expulsion. That would help if he did heave a fit like children his age are want to do. It would basically glow a bit to burn that excess off but would not harm him in any method.

"Any other method would be invasive and not only let him not gain future control of it, leading to incidences like that one that was ill, but would cause harm to his bodily systems as it fought against it inside his organs and brain. With the method that sorcerer wanted to use, it would ensure his brain exploding within about two weeks. Many seizures before then to herald it and he's probably be functionally dead within a week but hang on for a few days as the magic tried to heal and revive him."

The judge was pale. "So it would kill him?"

"Yes. As the one you ordered to have her mutant gifts bound died of it for about the same reason. In that case, DNA was eaten and it dissolved her." He looked at the lawyer again. "There is a bracelet being made available to him within a week. It has to be charged to his powers."

"So it would keep him from, say, throwing the contents of a store around if he had a tantrum in the grocery store?"

"That's not his sort of power. That's more nature magic levels. At his, the bricks may float a few centimeters but at his age, that would cause a great headache and it'd stop him from doing it again within seconds." He smirked a tiny bit. "That pain is the overuse headache that's been noted. There is no way to avoid it. It is very instructional."

"Did you have that happen?"

"Twice. Once when I was acting in my own defense, and my magical spike brought me help. I fell into their feet as I passed out. The other, I learned caution from at the age of five." He shifted to cross his legs in the other direction. "It taught me not to try to steal things from a locked refrigerator."

The lawyer smiled. "That's a good lesson to learn. I learned mine from a spoon."

"The headache can last for two weeks. My mother did not need a spoon."

"That's good to know for his future. Has he had that happen?"

"No. His mother's good and keeps him centered and casually engaged in not having fits."

"That's a good mother then." He looked back at Darcy and the child. Then back at the judge, who was less pale, then at Loki. "Do you think some day he'll need to be bound in some way?"

"No. His mother has sense and will be teaching him thus. I fear the day he has to defend his mother and does things he's only dreamed might be possible. That day she'll have to talk him back down, or someone he adores will, but he'll heal and recover from that."

"Like Witch Rosenburg?"

"Only in defense instead of offense. Hers was offensive to make everyone feel like she felt in her grief. He'd be defending his mother."

"Is there a prophecy?"

"No. We've looked. There's not. But she does know and hang about with those who have threats upon their lives. It's probably inevitable that she'll be threatened due to that some day."

"So she should find another career?"

"She's aware of the risks I'm sure. She's managed most of it when necessary. Including by use of people to watch the child for her during emergencies."

The lawyer nodded. "I have to ask one insulting question that someone in SHIELD demanded I ask, Lord Loki." Loki smirked at him. "Was that attack on Manhattan your choice or your plan?"

"No, it was not my plan in the least. There were...other forces at play at that time."

"Thank you for being honest, Lord Loki." He looked at the other lawyer. "Your turn I believe."

Loki looked at the other lawyer. "It's interesting that one of your heritage is fighting to harm a protected child." The man blanched, shaking his head. "You openly wear a mark honoring my brother and yet are trying to harm the child he's claimed as a nephew and protects." He raised an eyebrow. "An interesting life choice you made."

"Lord Loki, do you foresee that child becoming a danger to others?"

"Not if his mother is good. As I've seen she has been so far and she has others that she can lean on when she's confused by what to do." He waved a hand again. "The child will be fine. He won't be like his father unless forced to be. His mother has sense so he may end up an academic like his favorite aunt." He smirked. "He definitely won't be after my throne either."

"What do you think would happen if someone did end up blocking his gifts this way?"

"I believe the vendetta hunt from his grieving mother would reshape your world. Possibly not in a better manner however." He smirked. "Some of us may step in to solve it for her and take over to rebuild humanity at that time." The lawyer shuddered, shrinking down in his seat. "A mother's grief is a very strong, powerful emotion. Darcy is quite strong of will already. Their order would probably go first however."

The lawyer nodded. "Understood. Thank you for your patience and indulgence." Loki tipped his head with a grin then disappeared from there. He took a deep breath. "Your Honor, can we have a ten minute recess to regain our composure?"

"Please. I could use some of that myself." He banged his gavel and went to his private bathroom to calm himself down.

Darcy looked at her lawyer. "Why did they have you ask that?"

"They have an idea that he wasn't in control of anything at that time."

"Oh." She nodded. "The glowy cube did it to him like it did the ones he took over."

"Possibly." He looked at the napping child. "He's napping?"

"I fed him stuff that helps him nap before we came in." She grinned. "He's napping like a scientist today."

"That's good. It's nice he's not fussy."

"You've got about a half hour left before he wakes up at the most."

"I'll keep that in mind." He made notes for himself. "Do we know his father?"

"Yes. I've talked to him a few times. He did say he's in too much danger to get near Adrian or any of us."

"Oh, all right. That's reasonable."

"He pays support, even though I didn't demand it. He's protected Adrian from his life."

"Even better. Does he know about the magic?"

"Yeah. He's worked with a witch in the past."

"Great." He made that note as well then put the file in his briefcase. The judge and other lawyer came back so he stared at them. "You can give up," he offered with a smile.

"I've talked to my client and he said as long as that bracelet or whatever would work he'd just pay attention to make sure the child didn't cause any harm."

"If he comes near my baby again, I'll do more than taze him this time," Darcy assured him then smiled. "Jane would help me."

"I..." He looked at his client then nodded at her. "That bracelet?" She shrugged. "When will it be coming?"

"When Loki brings it."

"Oh."

"If he was the problem the overcompensating idiot over there thought he was, all of New York would've known he had magic long before this. He hasn't yet. Even with colic and teething and all those crying fits kids have."

"I suppose."

The judge cleared his throat. "Is your client removing his petition?"

"As long as that bracelet shows up," that lawyer stated.

Loki appeared, putting a small, enameled bangle on the boy's wrist. It glowed a bit then shrank to fit him. Darcy checked, it still moved. "Do not take it off unless he gets ill. If he has more than a tiny fever, remove it so his magic can help him heal." She nodded, smiling at him. "Good." He patted the boy on the head. "Pet your shiny daily." He disappeared again.

Darcy grinned at her son, who grinned back. "That's a pretty shiny the uncle gave you, huh, Adrian?" He petted it and it cooed back. He was happy with that. "Good boy." She cuddled him. She looked at the lawyer. Who both nodded.

"Then it appears the problems have been solved," the judge sighed. "Have a better life, people, and I hope I don't have to hear this again." He banged his gavel and then left.

Jane squealed, hugging Darcy and Adrian from behind. "He was so good while sleeping off science food." She took Adrian to cuddle. "Good boy."

Darcy shook the lawyer's hand. "Thank you, Mr. Lawrence." She grabbed her purse and the paperwork she'd need, going out with Jane.

"Miss Lewis, is that Loki's son?" a reporter outside shouted.

"NO!" she shouted back without looking her way or pausing her walk down the stairs. "His dad's a normal human guy. Thanks though!" She waved. "Have a great life."

They shouted more at the sorcerer but oh well. He was mute as he huffed back home.

***

Darcy heard 'how dare they use me as an example' before she saw the redheaded menace to her son's sanity. She stared at her until the witch looked her way. "They used you as an example of someone putting humanity at risk to prove that sorcerer's people didn't do what they said they did or were supposed to do. They praised you for handling the one that got sick in DC as well. Why are you here, Rosenburg?"

"Do I know you?" she demanded.

"It was my son they were trying to harm."

"Oh. Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he's got a small thing to help weed it down safely." She smiled. "Why else did you show up?"

"The guys here were maligning us. The truce isn't that strong."

"They weren't. They used your name as evidence that the sorcerer supreme's people weren't doing what they said they do. And they noted that you did it out of grief from losing your soul mate, Rosenburg. It wasn't a bad thing. And not like Lifetime didn't do a movie on it."

Willow huffed. "Fine!" She sighed. "Is your baby okay?" She pointed at where Adrian was being a blanket lump again. "Awww. How old?"

"Eighteen months for a few more weeks." She grinned, letting her see a picture. "Thank you for having an example we could use to save him from exploding."

Willow handed it back. "I heard Loki was there?"

"Yeah. He helped a lot by pointing out why those sort of ideas were so bad and how other powers were harmed by it. He was really helpful."

"How did you make him do that? Compulsion? Poker debt? Blackmail?"

"My boss is dating his brother."

"Oh. So his brother asked and..." She waved a hand and Darcy nodded back. "That's great then. Is the kid okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine. He napped through most of the hearing because I fed him into a nap before it."

"That's fine then." She grimaced. "Just...let us know if you have to do that in the future?"

"I can send an email," she promised with a grin and a nod. Willow smiled back and left. Darcy checked her kid and then got back to work. Jane stumbled in. "Go back to sleep, Jane. It's only been a few hours."

"The alarm went off?"

"Rosenburg was here. Someone told her we used her name in vain."

"Oh."

"We talked and she's fine now." She grinned. "Nap with the lump'o'kid there, Jane." Jane sighed but laid on the couch, using Adrian as a teddybear. That made him snorfle against her chest and then go back to sleep. It was cute so Darcy took a picture. Half of her pictures of her son were him underneath things for some reason. She went back to work, listening the sounds of the lab floor in case something started to happen.

Maria Hill walked in. "We need to talk about your son."

Darcy stared at her. "The way you started that off makes me want to reach for my tazer and the lawyer's number." Hill backed up a step then sighed. Darcy kept staring at her. "My son's fine. Thank you for asking."

"His father might not see it that way."

"That's funny. When I talked to him recently he said he was fine and if I had needed him he would've shown up today too." Hill looked disgusted. "Technically he's in Canada today so he could've gotten there if he needed to."

"Loki's son...."

Darcy burst out laughing. "He's not Loki's kid, Hill. Never was. Kids are all chaos sources but that's not the chaos god he prays to." Hill nodded once at that. "For that matter, his father's a decent guy who does hard things that your agents don't. So none of your business and never come near my son again unless you're saving his life."

"We can have you fired from your job here, Lewis. I would be cooperative."

"For what?" She got comfortable for this level of bullshit. Before she hopped up and ripped Hill's face off.

"For lying about having him."

"He's always been on my paperwork for Stark Industries. He uses the daycare here. He's all together known about by everyone but the team and the only reason they didn't meet him is that we don't hang out."

"He's not on your SHIELD paperwork, Miss Lewis."

"Well, it's a great thing I don't work for SHIELD," she shot back. "I work for Jane, who works for Stark. Neither of us ever want to work for SHIELD. You're full of jackbooted thugs and you're proving our point grandly at this moment. Talk about counterproductive."

"Foster gets grants...."

"No we don't. We turned them down. We don't want our science stolen, again, by your thugs. Especially since someone in *your* group sold some of it and it's how that incident in Edmonton happened." She stared at her. "So, have a great day." She waved at her. "And if Stark fires Jane and me, we'll go solo again. We did it when we weren't getting any grants, we can do it again." She shifted to get more comfortable. "Hell, I could finish my other degree and get a job where Jane's my assistant so she's not bothered by the douchebags in science again." Hill glared. Darcy stared back. "Anything else today before you fly off on your broomstick?"

"You've been talking to those Council people."

"Yes. We had to take the baby to a witch up here since Maximoff had broken the protections on him. I didn't want non-SHIELD bitches to harm my son either." Hill stomped off. She looked up. "Hey, super AI mom, can you please copy that to your creator daddy?"

"Of course," the female AI said patiently. "The baby's delightful, Miss Lewis. Agent Hill is not allowed to be near your son without your knowledge?"

"Unless she's saving his life, no. Thank you for making that note for me."

"It's not a problem. I'll add that to his daycare file as well so she can't take him out of there."

"That's a blessing. Thank you, FRIDAY."

"You're quite welcome and you have an email from your college waiting on you."

Darcy squealed, getting into it to look at her grades. She got up to happy dance, which woke Jane but oh well. "I passed!"

"Congrats. All of it?" She yawned and drifted off again.

"Yup, I sure did!" She made some coffee, looking at the agent who came to the doorway. "What did you need?"

"Agent Hill...."

"Has no authority over anyone in this lab at this moment. I would suggest she quit changing into a bitch." She sipped her coffee, staring at him.

"She said that your child needed escorted to the daycare?"

"No, he's napping with his aunt. It's keeping her asleep." Jane woke up enough to glare at the agent, who got out of range of Jane's fist. "See?" She smiled. "But thank her for me and remind her that no SHIELD agent outside the ones who reside upstairs are allowed near my son unless they're saving his life."

"I can do that," he said, walking off quickly. Foster would beat him with her hands. Lewis was known to taze people. He didn't want to deal with it today.

Darcy and Jane locked down the lab and took the baby upstairs to the sitting area the team used. Steve gave them an odd look. "I'm delivering Jane to Thor, Rogers. Ease off. Not like my son's going to coo at your tight pants. You're not a stuffed animal or Clint." Clint walked past and stole the baby to cuddle. "Okay, if you want. Keep the SHIELD cooties from him please."

"Gladly."

Darcy walked Jane into her apartment with Thor, pushing her onto the bed so she could rest. Then she went to get her son, who was scowling at Bruce for waking him up. "Aww, did you wake up grumpy? Poor little dude." She took him back. "Thanks, Clint."

Clint stole him back. "He needs more guy time and I'm bored. We're going to shoot arrows." He walked off telling the baby about all his special arrows.

"Okay. I'll go do his laundry and make dinner I guess," Darcy said with a shrug and a grin at Bruce. "It's great he's got a neat uncle who can explain guy things to him." She skipped off.

Bruce shook his head but came out of the kitchen with his tea. Steve was shaking his head more quickly. "The baby's amusing," Bruce said. "Very sweet most of the time. He went to chew on a chemist the other day because Mom was in the bathroom and Jane was busy. He turned her mushy minded with cooing so she'd share her coffee." He settled in his usual seat. "Mom caught him at it and apologized then took him back reminding him he can't steal other people's coffee, only Jane's special coffee."

"Isn't he too young for that?"

"They give him caffeine free coffee, Steve."

"Oh. I have no idea about kid things. Even Loki's kid."

"Loki's not his dad."

"Really? I heard he was. That he showed up to defend the kid today in court."

"He did do that but it's not because he's a half-Asgardian. He was an ideal witness about the effects of binding magical beings. Someone tried with him once and he destroyed most of a village apparently."

"Eww. That's bad." He nodded once. "Then who's is dad?"

"I didn't ask," Bruce said. "That's between Darcy and the baby's daddy. All I know is that him being around would be dangerous for the kid and Darcy so he's being a fondly distant uncle."

"I guess that makes some sense. We'd have to do the same thing to protect any kids we had."

"Exactly." He sipped his tea when Clint came back without the baby. "He run off on you?" he joked with a smirk.

"Stark's robots stole him. Adrian loves shiny things." He flopped down. "Stark will save him in a bit and hand him back to mom if she doesn't go looking when she hears. She's got super mom sense about her kid getting into trouble." He grinned. "Natasha will be back tonight."

"Great. How's she doing?" Bruce asked.

"She's fine. Not injured from her mission." He nodded as Wanda wandered into the kitchen, still looking sick from a headache. He looked at Bruce. "She's teaching him about potty training. She's hoping it'll be done by the time he's two and a half."

"Some kids do," he agreed. "Some get it at three or later. Depends on their little muscles and their control."

Natasha came off the elevator. "Wanda," she said with a nod when she ran into her. Wanda grunted back and walked off drinking her tea. Natasha came into the living room area. "Is the baby all right?"

"Yeah, he's fine." Clint smirked at her. "Loki showed up to help defend him, and started a bad rumor that he was his kid. He's free of all that stress from the Sorcerer Supreme's people. They freed him from how certain people broke his protections and had an energy tap into him yesterday." He noticed Wanda walking off in the other direction. "But otherwise he's fine. I was going to teach him to shoot arrows but the shiny robots won his attention for a bit." He grinned.

"That's good."

"Hill tried something to get the kid from Lewis too."

Natasha raised an eyebrow. "I'd hate to see how she raised a male child." She settled on the couch. The elevator dinged and the baby wandered off. "Shouldn't you be with your mom?"

"His apartment floor is presently locked off," FRIDAY said patiently. "And I can't get him down the stairs myself."

"No, he's too little for stairs." Clint got up to grab him. "What's going on down there?"

"The empty apartment next door is apparently having a smoke problem," the AI said. "I have no idea why as the cameras in there have been turned off."

"Tell Hill to quit," Natasha ordered. She took the baby from Clint. "I have not met you yet, Adrian. I'm Natasha."

The boy stared at her then grinned and played with her hair. "Pretty," he cooed, then leaned forward to taste it. "Oooh!"

She smiled. "Yes, I use fruit smelling shampoo." Darcy came up the stairs and took the child from her. "I could hold him safely."

"Not what I'm concerned about," she said in a sing-song voice. "Since that fire was set by someone in a SHIELD uniform to cover up trying to break into our place." She sat down on Natasha's other side. "Adrian, this is Miss Natasha. She's a good lady to stare at because she understands people things." She adjusted his shirt. "That's too small. We gotta get you some clothes, my son. You're not allowed to run around like George of the Jungle."

Clint looked down at her. "No buttflaps?"

"With the way he really liked chimps and how they throw poop? Probably not a great idea," Darcy quipped. Stark came off the elevator. "The guys who started the fire get caught?"

"Yes they did. They think Loki's his father too."

"No. His dad's human. Fully human."

Natasha stared at her. "So he does know of him?"

"Yeah, he and I have talked a few times. He's just in a dangerous job. He didn't want it to come after Adrian." She grinned. "He's talked to him a few times. Also he's put a letter in his safety deposit box for the kiddo when he's old enough to understand."

"That's good of him." Natasha took the baby back, getting cuddled and cooed at. "Thank you for being adorable and not crying at me. Many children cry at me."

"He only cries at broccoli," Darcy said. "He's presently in an anti green food phase. Though he did refind his Hulk plushie and let his stuffed dog play with it for playtime earlier."

Bruce shook his head with a sigh. "That's really weird."

"Yeah but kids like to destroy things, Bruce."

"Point. I saw him with the blocks."

Darcy grinned at him. "I have a set in his room that we build each morning to help him wake up and he destroys each night for bedtime. It's his ritual. He cackles like he's a movie monster."

"That's not a bad thing," Bruce decided. "Have you shown him Godzilla?"

"Yup. He said it was a giant iguana. One of my friends has an iguana named Steve. He called the movie big Steve."

Bruce grinned. "I can see how that could be seen at his age." He looked over. "Any signs of learning problems like dyslexia?"

"He's not interested in numbers unless it's on Sesame Street. Then they sing to him. Give him another year for that." Bruce nodded, finishing his tea. Adrian looked at the mug he put down. "No, son. That's empty, not your special Jane coffee." Adrian huffed, making pouty faces at her. "I don't have any up here. It's in the apartment with Auntie Jane and she's napping. You can have some later, with dinner." The baby pouted worse, looking pitiful. Darcy poked him. "No being manipulative, my son." She took him back to cuddle him.

He wiggled down to go look in Bruce's tea mug, pouting at him then sitting down to pat the magazines. He spotted a new shiny thing under a couch, making an inquisitive sound as he crawled toward it. "Shiny uppy?" he mumbled. "Uppy, shiny uppy!" He tried to pat it. Steve groaned and tried to grab it so he swatted at him with a scowl. "Mean to uppy!"

"He's not being mean to the shiny puppy," Darcy said patiently. "No swatting, Adrian." He wiggled down to look at the shiny thing. Darcy got up to grab him and pulled out the shield too. "Steve, do you mind if he pats your shield?"

"He can't hurt it. He called it a shiny puppy?"

"The only dogs he's seen like to hide from him petting them to death and baldness. So it was hiding like a puppy."

"Shiny uppy, mama!" Adrian cooed with a grin for her while petting the shield. "Shiny uppy pretty!"

"Yeah, it's a beautiful shiny puppy," she said with a grin for him. "You have such good taste." He patted it until it wiggled. Then he squealed and leaned on it to hold it in place for more petting. Clint was filming it for her. "Get me a copy, Clint."

"Of course." He grinned. "Adrian, does the shiny puppy have a name?"

"Groo!" he said with a grin for him.

"Groo the shiny puppy? That's a great name!" Adrian settled in to pet the shield and talk to it, using his proper name because of course you talk to things by name, his mother had said so.

Steve was shaking his head but smiling. "Sure, he can be named Groo the shiny puppy for you."

The baby beamed at everyone and went back to petting his new friend. When Thor showed up he got up and ran over to haul him back to help him pet the new friend. "Groo shiny uppy!" he said with a point and hopping up and down.

Thor looked. "Yes, that's a great shiny friend for you, Adrian." Darcy got out of his way so he could sit down. "Play with your friend. He deserves your love." The baby grinned, diving back down to cuddle the shiny friend. He looked at Darcy. "I stopped that dratted rumor that he was my nephew when I was asked outside." Darcy grinned at him. "If he were Loki's son he would be much more chaotic and active. Plus already like horses."

"He doesn't mind horses but he's scared of their size." She watched her son babbling about the zoo animals to the shield, just smiling at his weirdness. "As soon as it's cleared we'll go down and make dinner, Adrian. Thor, Jane's in bed."

"That's good for her. She does not rest enough."

Darcy looked at him. "She's not pregnant."

"Nay, she is not and has said I have years to wait yet until she becomes such." He smiled at her. "Perhaps by then you'll have a second child to play with ours."

"I think one's plenty."

"You could have a husband by then," Natasha offered.

Darcy looked at her. "Not a high thing on my priority list most of the time, Natasha. I like dates but I'm not in a rush to put a ring on it. If I find someone, great. If it takes years that's okay too."

"That's reasonable as your son would have to get along with whoever you picked," Thor agreed with a nod. "Though I should ask of the warriors I know."

Darcy pinched him on the calf. "No."

"Fine. I simply want you happy."

"Yeah, but if I marry then I'll probably have to quit working with Jane."

"Jane would beat me to death," Thor decided. "It can wait." He looked at the quiet baby, who was licking the shield. "Does it need a puppy bath, Adrian?"

"Apparently." She plucked the baby off the shield to cuddle. "That sort of puppy gets a cloth bath, not a tongue bath like other puppies, Adrian." She cuddled him, letting Steve have his shield back for now. He put it behind his back to rest against it. So when a few agents burst up the stairs with weapons firing Steve got to throw his shield at them. It got two down and Clint got the other one with a thrown vase that knocked him out while Darcy ducked out of the way.

"Hey, mean to uppy!" Adrian yelled. "Bad you! No mean to uppy!"

"Son," Darcy said dryly. "That puppy likes that stuff. It's not mean. I promise." Steve let her take the shield to show him. "See, it's a happy shiny puppy, it likes to help Steve play fetch that way." He still scowled but petted his new friend to 'keep it calm'. It finally wore him out too. "You nap a lot for your age. Are you growing again?"

"Probably," Thor said. "Babies do that greatly."

"Yeah, I know. He already needs new clothes." She grimaced. "He's almost as expensive as college classes are."

Stark looked at her. "We reimburse, Lewis."

She grinned. "I just finished one. But thanks!" She smiled.

"Really?" he asked, looking smug.

"Yeah. Just got the news today."

"In what field?" Stark asked casually.

"Physics. Astral physics."

"Astro physics?"

"No. Not quite. Astral and intergalactic energy studies. I figured since weird things happened around me, I'd study it to see if I could stop it from going on again. That way I don't have another set of portals that bring elves I can't date."

Thor snickered quietly. "Did you really do your paper on that event?"

"Yes, and all the other chaos things that happened around me." She grinned back. "My advisor was amused but Dr. Malcolm is very into chaos theories anyway."

"The 'life finds a way' guy?" Clint demanded.

"Yeah. He was my advisor." She grinned at him. "He agreed, there's something about me that brings that sort of chaos."

Stark stared at her, mouth open. "Um..."

"I leaned on Jane to do some testing of my personal energy. There's something that draws it to me."

Stark swallowed then nodded. "I want to read it, Lewis." She got into her phone, emailing him a copy. He settled in to read it, laughing at one point. "You did a good job writing it." He went back to it. "This is involved for a master's."

"Then it's a good thing it's a doctorate paper," she quipped. She grinned when he stared at her. "What?"

"So damn having you redo some paperwork tomorrow, Lewis."

"Of course."

"It's not listed on your paperwork here."

"I was waiting to hear if I got it and when I tried to update that, HR asked me why I was bothering since I was just a glorified personal assistant. It wouldn't mean I got a raise."

"Going to yell at them," he decided. Adrian spotted him reading and toddled over to climb up into his lap, staring at him. "Hi."

"Adrian, you know you have to ask," Darcy said firmly. "Mr. Tony might not want to cuddle right now." She got up but Stark waved her off and read to the boy. He got happy with that story. More agents came off the elevator and one sighed but started to handcuff the earlier agents. The other two tried to stop him but he punched them both and got them too. Darcy looked over. "Why did they break off the stairs with weapons blazing this time?" she asked him.

"Don't know yet, Lewis," he said. "I'll find out and let people know so they can guard the reason." He spotted the baby. "Wow, you're too tiny to be an avenger."

"That's my son," Darcy said dryly, staring at him. "And might be the reason they lost their minds."

"Okay. We can see and make sure he's protected if we have to." He got help to haul them off. He had to have a talk with someone. He came back an hour later, finding the kid knocked out in his apartment and the team talking about them. "Yes, it was about the baby. We've ended the rumor that he's Loki's son."

"He is not," Thor agreed.

"I figured, he's a normal kid." He looked at the others. "And I've kicked some serious asses over it after reporting them to the Director."

"Good, report Hill for trying the same thing," Stark said.

"I can do that." He looked at Thor. "Do we know the father?"

"Yes, she does and the father knows about him but he does dangerous things."

"Great. Can I put that into the file?"

"No," Thor said. "To protect Adrian you may not. Darcy is very sure of that."

"Fine. We'll end the problems." He went to call the Director to add that note. Coulson was not pleased. Oh well!

***
Part 2 by Voracity2
Darcy looked up the next day as her lab's door was opened. "Hey, Agent iPod thief. What's up?"

"Miss Lewis. Is your son all right?"

She checked the camera feed from the daycare. "Yeah, he's sucking up orange slices with a friend." She looked at him again. "Though if agents want to change that, I'd stop them."

"I am going to do that. To make sure of something, he's not Loki's son?"

"No. Loki was helping defend him from the assholes who have power."

"Good. Are any avengers members allowed around him?"

"Clint, probably Natasha. Bruce and Stark seem to find him amusing but they're probably not going to be close uncles. They might say hi in the hall." She shifted to face him better. "Pepper thinks he's cute but doesn't want to cuddle him. Which is fine with me. Not everyone has to be fond of my kid beyond me."

"Good. I was hoping we wouldn't have to have a problem with the Hulk."

She smirked. "Adrian *adores* the Hulk. They destroy things and he adores that about the green guy. But I've told Bruce about that so he can talk to Hulk if the baby should try to pounce him."

"Oh, dear."

"I've worked on his 'you have to ask permission to pounce' manners. A lot sometimes. He's eighteen months though so sometimes he doesn't listen. Like how he pounced Steve earlier to get his shiny puppy friend Groo the shield."

"Groo..." He just nodded. "Weird kid thing?"

She grinned and nodded. "Clint has film."

"I'll get it from him." He looked up the hall then at her. "Is he safe?"

"Yes. And if your people try to change that I'm going to destroy SHIELD." She grinned. "Starting with Hill, who's glaring at him and filed a report that I have a son in the labs with CPS."

"Oh, dear. I'll stop that as well."

"And the agents that showed up shooting at us and the ones who set a fire to break into my apartment during the evacuation?"

"Yes. They'll be stopped." She smiled, relaxing slightly. "Why the court case?"

"To save my son being killed by sanctimonious asses with powers."

"That's a good reason. Is he safe from that?"

"They better hope so."

"You..."

An agent walked in. "Doctor Lewis?" he demanded, waving an envelope.

"The last I knew, you weren't supposed to read my mail," she said, snatching it from him. "And yes, I just got passed the other day." She smirked. "Anything else you wanted?"

"No!" He stomped off in a huff.

"I find people like that unsuitable to be human," she complained, looking at the letter. "From the college." She looked over the formal acknowledgment of her graduation. "Cool." She put it aside. She grinned at the staring director of SHIELD. "What?"

"Doctorate in political science?"

"Astral physics under Dr. Malcolm. Focusing in energy studies and chaotic portal events."

"Oh." He blinked a few times. "I see." She grinned. "That's good. I'm sure Dr. Foster is proud."

"Yeah, she is." She looked at the camera feed when movement caught her attention. "Aww. Someone brought in a real dog. He's pouting because the dog won't lick him." She looked at Coulson again. "It's your people screwing up. What are you going to do about it?"

"Stop them before you have to zap a few more."

"I'll go beyond that." She smirked. "A lot farther."

He nodded. "Understood. I'll lay down the law today. Do we need to give you two security for now?"

"Thor said he got the point across that he's not the son of Loki so hopefully that'll die down."

"I'll make sure that's heard by other higher ups and make sure there's security available when you two go out. Some people won't listen."

"Yeah, that's probably why Hill's in the daycare."

"Let me stop that right now." He went down there to find Hill yelling at an idiot agent. "I was hoping I wasn't going to have to write you up for harming that child's security," he said patiently.

Hill stared at him. "If he's not Asgardian then I don't care what she does as long as he doesn't become a threat to the US, Coulson."

"I doubt he would. Unless you force him to be." He looked at the agent and his dog. He took the leash from him and walked the dog off. "Lay down," he ordered quietly. "Rest for now. We'll get you a better handler." He walked off to grab that agent to arrest. "All right. Adrian, have a good day playing. Your mom's in her lab." The boy smirked at him. "You look just like your mother when you do that."

The baby beamed at him for that, waving a bit. He walked the agent and Hill out. "Even if he were Loki's son, we're not going to snatch him. Lewis can raise a calm, considerate child who won't harm people. Not like he'd have been tortured like Loki was, Maria. Leave her be." He walked that idiot off. "And make sure the others do as well."

She pulled her gun. "Loki, put the agent down and change back please. Coulson doesn't say 'leave her be'."

He smirked at her. "I'm not him, chit." He did change but he was a demon. A high level, dangerous demon. "He's on his way so you can talk to him." The agent was trying to get away. "Do stop. Your master wants you and asked me to fetch you. As I owe him a poker debt, this is a nicer payment for it." He smirked at Hill. "The point still stands." He and that agent disappeared.

Hill called that contact in. And sent the film from the lab to the real Coulson. Who got there an hour later and just sighed at her when he stared at her. "Why would a demon care about that child?"

"Because he's got magic and could potentially be fodder for bets and a later being of influence. Though I agree, leave Lewis alone. She can raise him to be a caring, pleasant young man who'll ruin SHIELD and everyone else if we make him feel threatened."

"Fine."

"Thank you." He went to check on Lewis, who turned to stare at him. "Congratulations on your degree."

"Thank you. I heard that you earlier was a demon."

"Yes, he was. Any idea why something so dangerous would know of him?"

"It could be because of his magic. We had to go to a Council aligned witch to get him reprotected. Strange broke them with Maximoff's help and she had an energy tap into him."

"Charming. Would that harm him?"

"Yeah, it could've."

"It's fixed?"

"Yup and if they come near him again it'd better be to save his life. I've made that clear."

"Good. I expected that to come with you zapping him."

"I did when I first got between them." She grinned. "I need a bigger threat of a weapon for them."

"Hmm. Try to warn us if you have to go to war with them?"

"If I can." She curled one foot up under the other knee. "He's a good boy."

"I figured you'd make sure of it. You're not the sort of mother that you see in the mall with hellions, Lewis. He won't be that bad until he's a teenager." She smirked at that. "Though, I did recognize his father. He's looking a lot like him." She raised an eyebrow. "There's a few others who might."

"Which puts my son into danger and I'd have to go become the evil mom."

"Point. We'll try to keep that down. Subtly so it doesn't look like you have a security escort." She nodded once. Jane stomped in. "Dr. Foster." He nodded at her. "Let me know personally if he suddenly has safety issues?"

"Probably not. It'd be over with before you got here."

"I can call in help and rush there."

She stared at him. "He won't work for SHIELD, Coulson."

"That's fine. I wouldn't expect him to." She quirked an eyebrow up. "But I know of his father's deeds and why it's so dangerous. With some of them, it'd be better if agents helped you handle it."

"You know his father?" Jane asked.

"Yes, I met him when he was handling something near one of our bases. The agents totally discounted him until he solved the problem and they were heavily injured for not listening to his instructions." He looked at Darcy again. "You should write a paper on his father's chaos skills." He left them alone.

"Not a bad idea but it'd taint him later." She looked at Jane, handing over the letter with a grin. "You were asleep when I announced it last night."

"Oooh!" She pulled Darcy up to hug her. "That's so cool!" Darcy grinned and nodded. "We have to tell others."

"I did. You were napping."

"We need a party!" She looked at the computer because the camera feed had just barked. "Someone gave the daycare a dog?"

"An agent earlier brought in his furry partner and got arrested so the dog's been there. So far the kids haven't been mean to it."

"Oh. Interesting." Jane settled in to plan a party for Darcy's degree. And fill out leave forms for that graduation ceremony.

***

Darcy looked up from her lunch on the main porch, nodding at Wanda and Clint as they came out. "The other end's still wet," she warned. She got back into reading on her phone while eating a chicken caesar salad with walnuts.

Clint sat down across from her. "Kiddo okay today?"

"Yeah, he's smooshing around in daycare today." She grinned. "They unwisely gave the kids playdough and then got out of the way." He snickered, nodding slightly. "So they've had a clay fight and now they're squishing it to figure out what it is. Later they have a bubble kiddie pool party planned. I'm so sorry for their nerves."

"The kids will love the bubbles." He glanced at Wanda then at Darcy again. "Do you know Wanda?"

"Yup, met her the other day." She waved her fork. "You can sit. I'm not evil today." She looked at Clint again. "The daycare was thinking about a trip to the Prospect Park zoo. They're asking for volunteers. Am I that insane?"

"You could at least control Adrian running at the animals," he offered.

"Yeah, but they've got eighteen kids going around his age. There's only four daycare workers." He winced. "With me would be five. Still not great average per kid."

"No, you really need three people per kid for that trip." He nibbled his bologna sandwich then sipped some milk. "Think Bruce would go?"

"Don't be mean to him, Clint!" she sighed, staring at him. "Kids creep him out. A lot. Mary in biometric's daughter was sleepy and tried to cuddle him and he nearly froze at the cuddle attempt. I don't think he's used to cute little things."

"Probably not. Did your son really go up to the Hulk?"

"Yeah!" She nodded, staring at him. "They were doing a 'these are the people who're saving people and you shouldn't bother them' talk. My son, who I'm sure you've seen destroying things, walked up to him, poked him on the bellybutton, then giggled and asked him if he'd like them to build him something to smash." Clint giggled, shaking his head. "Then Addy hugged him and cooed at his greenness. I'm pretty sure the Hulk is very confused about my son."

"Yeah, well, your son's a bit weird," he agreed with a grin. "Some of that's my fault."

"Yours, mine, his daddy's inherited crazies." She shrugged. "At least he's not a pod person or a clone." She went back to eating, shaking her head.

Wanda put down her drink, looking at her. "You do not like me, do you?"

"I liked you just fine until I learned that you had an energy tap into my son and were using it to make him really sleepy." She stared at her. "Until then you were just another person here, Maximoff. But you had to go and try to harm my son." She gave her a pointed look. Then she looked at Clint again. "Did you give him a second stuffed dog?"

"I think that came from Sam."

"Awww. I'll help my son write a thank you letter then. It's a good lesson for him to learn. He needs manners."

"He's got good ones most of the time. He asks before pouncing anyone. He's a cute little guy. Now and then he'll forget and climb up you and then ask if it's okay but otherwise he's a good boy. Most of the time. The rest he's a toddler." He blinked a few times. "What'll you do when he starts to date?"

"Give him a lot of long, in depth talks about how to be a good boyfriend and be in a steady, healthy relationship. And how to use a condom because I don't want to be a grandma before he's got at least one degree." She ate another bite.

"You'd be the cool grandma," he offered with a smirk.

"Of course! But doesn't mean we need to be one anytime in the next twenty years. I'll totally taint his kid into my music instead of his dad's. Get him into retro stuff from the twenties too." Steve came out. "Hey, Rogers. That end of the table's still wet," she warned with a fork point.

"Thanks, Lewis. Lunch break?"

"Yeah. Jane's having a fit at her math for the next hour so I'm on lunch before I remind her that she forgot a negative again." She shrugged but grinned. "It gives time for Thor to go calm her down in that boyfriend way."

"Those can be good moments," Clint quipped with a nod. "I know Thor enjoys it too. Does he know?"

"Yeah, I sent him a message on my way up to make salad. He'll go check on her after sparring. Or she'll stomp off to go rant at him until he gives up sparring and calms her down. It's how they work." She smiled at the guard dog that came out. "Hey, Pupkins!" It barked at her and went to water a container tree. "That agent that tried to get the kids in the daycare brought him and didn't get to bring him when he got arrested." She let the dog sniff her when it came over, petting it gently with a grin. "You're a good dog. Did anyone feed you today? Miss FRIDAY?"

"He ate this morning," the AI said. "He's been good all day and distracted Sir's robots on him earlier."

"Okay. Let me know if we have to order stuff for him."

Clint got up and came back with something, handing it to her.

"Aww, the Clint got you a stuffed football. Anyone's toy?" she asked him.

"Nope. Laying in the living room this morning." Steve shook his head so Darcy teased the dog and played with it for a bit. Until her phone beeped. She looked at it and sighed. "Jane went to pounce Thor. The sparring room's blocked off. So I've got an afternoon to deal with data stuff I guess." She grinned, going back to playing with the dog. One of the guards came out. "I didn't think it'd bother his training."

"It won't," he agreed, taking the toy and the dog with him. "Happy wants to play with him, Lewis. Thanks."

"Welcome." She finished up her last few bites and cleaned up her stuff. "Let me throw this in the dishwasher and get back to the lab." Steve made a disagreeable noise. "Dishwashers use less water, Rogers. It's better for the environment."

"No one ever remembers to empty it," he complained. "It gets all mixed up in there."

"Well, set up a chore chart," she said with a shrug. "That way someone does things. Or talk Tony into getting a cook who'll do it for you." He grimaced at that. "Unemployment's up so it could be a great thing for someone's family." She walked off to do that, running the dishwasher since it was nearly full. She moved the 'dirty' magnet off to put the 'clean' on. She walked past the living room and had to back up to go grab her son from Natasha. "No taking him from the daycare please. He needs the socialization with normal children." She looked at her son, who grinned at her. "Say thank you, Miss Natasha?"

"Fanks!" he said with a grin and a wave. "Happy!"

"Yes, she was nice to make you happy by reading to you."

"What is your beef with Wanda?" she asked.

"She was going to siphon power off my son." She gave her a look. "That's why he slept for days." Natasha winced. "Fuck no, not doing that."

"I did not know."

"I know that. I didn't have a fit because I didn't want it to affect the team. But yeah, not into that with my kid." She walked him off, taking him back to the daycare. He squealed, wiggling to get down to go pounce the kiddy pool full of bubbles. The worker winced. Darcy grinned. "Me, Jane, Thor. Clint. Only," she said quietly.

"Yes, Miss Lewis."

"Thanks." She strolled off.

"Miss Lewis," someone yelled up the hall when she got off the elevator.

"It's DR Lewis," she yelled back. "Get it right or I'm going to portal your ass to a volcano!" Surprisingly that idiot didn't start anything else. So that was nice of him.

Jane leaned out of her lab. "Don't use my portals that way, Darcy!"

"I won't. I'll use a different one." She smirked. "The bridge won't go to a terrestrial volcano. That's for space and greater distances. We can test the point-to-point system that way."

Jane considered it then nodded. "We'd have to have a terminus."

"Which is basically a GPS coordinate since you don't need a second platform. Or we can build a single use one to use just that once. If the volcano eats it, well, oh well." She shrugged and grinned.

Jane nodded. "That's not a bad idea." She glared up the hallway. Then grinned at her. "What did I do wrong?"

"Did you find the dropped negative?"

Jane groaned, going to look over the upper levels of the formulas. Yup, she found it and it worked out better.

"Dr. Lewis, Sir has said if you destroy his idiot chemist, you have to replace him," the AI said patiently.

Darcy grinned and pulled up a thing going on at her college. "Have him look here. That one project is multi-disciplinary and was full of pretty cool and brilliant people who were only half assholes."

"I'll suggest he recruit there. They would seem to fit in around here. Thank you."

Darcy grinned at Jane, who was shivering. "Doctor Malcolm won't mind. Much. They've got to leave the college someday."

"Two of them had ideas on how to use a star to recreate the Big Bang and maybe even recreate an infinity stone."

"Yeah," Darcy said with a nod and a grin. "Do we want them in the military or with SHIELD?"

"No!" She got up. "Let me go wax poetic to Tony about that project of chaos." She went up to Tony's office to do that. "They're proving chaos is a real thing mostly. Two have ideas, workable ideas, on how to use a sun to recreate the Big Bang so they can redo the glowy cube." There was an automated listening device that went on at the mention of any infinity stone. "And others that'll be worse probably. Darcy's right, they'll need good jobs when they get out that won't be the military or SHIELD. Her mentor runs it to get all the ones with wacky ideas in one place."

"Was Lewis part of that?"

"She temped but he was sure she could make her own some day. So he was training his successor. Her and Peter." She shivered again. "Talk about Dr. Chaos."

He got into that guy's files through the college. "I could use someone like him."

"Just don't let SHIELD have him. Or the military. His paper was trying to redo my bridge in another manner with another energy stream. That's why they had to call Darcy to get me to come reverse it so the giant, sentient otters could go home. Dr. Malcolm was highly amused and pleased at that and them trying to breed with a dog they thought might be like them." She smirked at him. "He's a bit creepy." She went back to her lab.

Tony went back to his looking up. He didn't want people like that to destroy SHIELD. It'd mean more work for him if they did.

***

"Dr. Lewis, would you have any idea on how the portal got opened in downtown Manhattan?" an agent asked as he walked into the lab.

She smiled. "According to the Council's discussion boards, it was one of the mini witches showing off. Did they not get it to close? My mentor has someone who'd love to study those."

"Your college mentor scares us, Dr. Lewis," he said with a smirk for her. "And no, she closed it. Hopefully for good. Have you or Dr. Foster looked at that site for any leftover portal remains?"

"Nope, didn't know we needed to. Jane's at the doctor's right now but I'll suggest we field trip to look at it." She caught the running baby. "What are you doing out of daycare?" she asked patiently. He babbled and pointed, grinning at her. "A pretty demon? That's sweet of them to come visiting. Oh, Miss FRIDAY?" she called.

"A new employee's stepdaughter, Dr. Lewis. She's rather worried she upset your son."

"No, probably not. He wanted me to come back to meet her." Adrian nodded with a beaming smile. "We can do that." She stood up, groaning as she lifted her son up to her hip. "I'll ask Jane if she wants to go look at it if you want."

"Please. Just to make sure it's really closed. That flower realm looked a bit...weird to us."

"At least there's no cartoon characters."

"That's what we were hoping as well." He tipped his head, looking at the kid. "I..." Darcy glared. "He looks just like the guy I had to work with last month on a portal in Canada."

"And that's a great thing but if that's his father he probably stays away from him due to his dangerous career."

"That's always a good thing." He got out of her way, following her off. "Can we count on at least you going to look at it?"

"Fine."

"Thank you." He let her get on the elevator and followed, smiling at her. "This means I get to go to lunch until I get a text message about any remaining portal." He made a business card appear with a grin, handing it over. She smirked back. "Let me know please." She walked off on the daycare level and he went to lunch for now.

Darcy squatted down in front of the new kid, smiling at her. "Hey, kiddo. Adrian came to get me so I could meet his new friend." She held out a hand. "I'm Darcy. What's your name?"

"Bethany," she said quietly.

Adrian pounced her. "Cutes!"

Darcy grinned. "He likes me to meet anyone he considers cute or pretty." She winked. "You're safe here, kiddo, and if you're not let me know. Jane and I are not the geeks who are scared of bad people." She hugged them both. "Adrian, remember, you have to ask to cuddle."

He lifted his head to stare at his friend. "Cuddle?"

"Sure!" They cuddled together and Darcy patted her on the cheek before standing up.

"Have fun, you two." She grinned at the daycare worker. "He did the same thing when he found a pretty rose bush that had a squirrel hiding in it."

"I figured it was." She was smiling at the kids. "They're cute together. Adrian, want to get some toys to play with Bethany?"

"Toys!" he squealed, letting her go and running for something but bringing it back to play with her. "Toys!" he told her, looking totally serious.

Bethany grinned. "Toys are great!" They settled in to play some strange game with the lincoln logs. Darcy winked and left them to play, going to tell Jane about that portal event. Jane was already heading there so Darcy grabbed stuff to join her.

*** (sent to list's archive to here)

Stark looked at the scanning going on inside the building, sighing in displeasure. "FRIDAY, is that Lewis or Lewis and her kid?" he asked.

"Them together, sir, but there's an outside influence." She put up that scanning as well. "It appears the energy being drawn to them is being sent from outside them."

"Great! Any idea who's doing it?"

"No one's standing outside the building noticeably. Most of them really did run when the lab level started to glow in the visible spectrum." He got up to go check on that.

Jane looked up as Stark walked into her lab. "We know. It's someone outside shooting it at us. We took Adrian from the daycare in case it hit the other kids. It's somewhat magic but not fully. We've got a call in to that witch that helped him last time."

"That's what I'd expect. Any idea if it's that sorcerer guy?"

"Nope." Darcy grinned at him. "It's definitely portal energy. I had this happen before, about six months after I gave birth. The first was more minor but was about a year before I gave birth. There's going to be a portal event that shows off some rainbow, pretty, shiny world that's very crystally and bright. Dr. Malcolm was not amused when he caught us studying it to see what it was. That's actually how I got him as my mentor." She smirked a tiny bit. "I've alerted him so he can take readings in other areas of the city and watch the portal form."

Stark just nodded at that. "We didn't think to warn the rest of us?"

"Nothing comes through. We did alert the one SHIELD agent any of us trust, and Natasha said she'd call someone called SWORD instead. Apparently they deal with weird things that the Council would."

"Are they showing up?"

"Don't think so," Darcy admitted. "They didn't last time."

"Okay, so how do we end that portal?"

"Last time I sneezed really hard, started off a period that I was due for a few weeks from then, and it closed." She grimaced but shrugged. "No cycle so far this time if that'll matter. We didn't get to see if last time it came from somewhere else and I was a focusing mirror or not. We *think* it came directly from over there but we can't be sure."

"That makes sense. Do we need to evacuate you two from the building?"

"We have shields here from excessive energy sources thanks to my portals," Jane said. "This is only half of what I'd expect from the portal system or the point-to-point system we've been developing."

Darcy looked at her desk and handed over something. "Your target, my queen," she said dryly.

Jane looked it over, moaning in pleasure. "That's sweet, Darcy. Thanks." She put it with that set of notes. "That'll work well to catch it and we can add the processing to realign people and to steady the wobble." Darcy grinned at that. "Think we should test it soon?"

"Not this week. Energy fields will be screwed up for a few days thanks to this one." She spun her chair to look at Stark again. "It's been four-hundred-twenty-seven days since the last time this happened."

"So about fourteen months," Tony said, nodding as he thought. "Does anything really come from there?"

"Not that we saw last time but we didn't have all the sensors set up." The agent leaned in to stare at them. "We don't know why this happened before. We didn't have all the sensors set up that we do now."

"Okay, great," he said, walking in smiling. "I'm Agent Woo, Mr. Stark." He held out a hand. "I'm with SWORD and we handle the things that're even too weird for SHIELD."

He shook it. "It's nice someone does. Do you have redundant sensors?"

"We do."

"Can you tell who's shooting the energy this way?" Darcy asked.

"Yes, we can. Rosenburg is reaching for other hellmouths as far as we can tell. It's stopping here for some reason."

"Well, I do have a sense for chaos energies," Darcy quipped. "We're sure?"

"Yes. She's with her girlfriend. It's not every time they're intimate but it's known to happen somewhat anytime it's apparently a nice night." He grinned at her. "We think these incidences correspond to her doing an energy raising ritual with sexual rituals involved." Darcy blushed, Stark snorted, and Jane moaned. The kid, of course, ignored it as big people stupid talk about stuff that didn't interest him. "We've alerted them to try to block her. We're not sure how they're going to do that."

"Okay, so we just manage the portal event," Darcy said, looking at Jane, who nodded, then at Stark, who nodded. "And we find a way to figure out later shielding."

"If you could, many people would adore that," Agent Woo said with a grin. "She's made such glowing moments in LA thanks to their hellmouth a bit more often and it freaks out the whole city."

"Us too now," Jane muttered. She cleared her throat. "Do we have a hellmouth up this way?"

"We think she might be reaching for any hellmouth taint that's local."

"What about people who carry it?" Darcy asked. "One of their people has a ton from what's been said on some online places."

"We have no idea. We know nothing about them and their ways."

Darcy grabbed her phone to call someone. "It's Darcy Lewis, is Mr. Giles in please? Because we've got what we think is a portal starting due to witchly influence up here in New York. Yeah, that one. The agents think it's something that Rosenburg is doing reaching for hellmouth energy." It got handed to Buffy by the younger slayer.

"Hi, Dr. Darcy Lewis, Miss Summers. Yes, the SHIELD agent did. No, I'm more worried about why it's happening in New York and if it could be due to someone who's from one of the hellmouths, who may carry a lot of taint." She listened. "Yes, I do actually know of him, and have met him in the past, but I'm pretty sure there's more than him.

"Yes, the SHIELD agents said it did. No, I work in Stark tower, in their labs. We're presently on full glow due to whatever whoever's doing and SHIELD said it's when she's reaching for distant hellmouth energy. Well, yes, we can tell that. We have multiple ways of measuring energy." She leaned back, grimacing as she listened.

"That's what we were wondering and worried about. Including that friend you mentioned. Well, if she's sucking at hellmouth energy for whatever reason...then anyone who carried any would get hit with it. And we still have to shut that portal that it looks like the power grab was creating. No, this is the second time we've seen this portal, Miss Summers. Yes, up here. About fourteen months ago we had another portal just like this." She looked at the machines.

"Yes, it is fully ready to open and if something comes through then the Avengers and SHIELD needs to stop that from happening. Well, New York City has ten million people living here," she said dryly. "Can you just have Rosenburg stop whatever she's doing for a bit so we can make sure? And you can check on that friend you mentioned? In case this would harm him?" She rolled her eyes. "Please do. And let Mr. Giles know since SHIELD would want a report." She hung up and sighed. "Jane..."

"I've texted you friend and no answer yet." They shared a look then she looked at Agent Woo, who grinned at them. "Where's their hunter guy Harris?" Jane asked.

"Up here. Somewhere. Last we heard he was brokering a peace deal." He grinned at the baby then at them. "I've worked with him a few times, ladies. He looks a lot like a certain someone in this room but not in this discussion."

Darcy nodded slightly. "Yeah. Can we...."

"Go zap Rosenburg? Quite possibly," Stark decided, walking off calling someone.

Darcy got up and looked at Jane. "Wanna kid sit?"

"I can kid sit, they won't listen to me."

"Cool!" She looked at Woo, putting on a hat and grabbing her jacket. "Let's go to where a certain hunter would be. Just to check on him?"

"Gladly." They walked out together. Natasha stopped them at the elevator. "Agent Romanoff, we have to go check on someone who is probably being killed by Rosenburg right about now."

"Go stop Rosenburg please?" Darcy asked dryly. "It appears that portal is her." She got around the agents, hitting the elevator. Woo followed her. "Only Coulson seems to have figured it out and he's not being involved due to the threats against him," she said quietly.

"I totally get that," Agent Woo agreed. "It's a hard decision to make. Should we go to the portal location?"

"I might end up opening it. The last one seemed to enjoy my company so...." She waved a hand in the air. She walked out of the building and found an obvious demon waiting on her. She walked up to him, staring at him. "Where's Harris? We think Rosenburg is the cause of that portal."

"He's in a shielded hospital room."

She nodded. "If she's responsible can someone go tell her that?"

The demon blinked a few times. "She won't listen to us and that would appear to be attacking."

"Okay. Can someone call other witches? Or go tell that sorcerer asshole since that's supposedly his job?"

The demon smirked. "You are most devious, mother of the heir," he said quietly. She stared at him. "The heir to chaos...."

"My son's not that chaotic."

"He is the scion of Rayne."

"No he's not."

The demon blinked. "Yet, he carries the energy of a chaos sort."

"Yeah, his daddy's pretty chaotic too. The same as I am. Which hospital?"

"He cannot be seen by others. It could let that energy explode."

"Fuck. Okay, have someone...anyone, go talk to Rosenburg?"

"I can try that." He walked off shaking his head.

Darcy looked at the agent, who was calling that in. "The sorcerer asshole?"

"We hope so. That seems to be their job."

She nodded. "Yeah it does. If she's knocked out suddenly it'll possibly backlash and kill the building."

"We can fix that too," he noted. "Let's go to the portal site."

"Yeah, let's." They went together. It was going to be a long, bad day.

***

Agent Woo went to see his director that night. "Sir, a report on what happened earlier." Coulson put down his pen and stared at him. Jimmy shut the door to stare at him, then handed over the report. "Also, I have to admit that I'm now aware of something that's semi classified information. Namely the parentage of Adrian Lewis."

"Mr. Giles is not a fond father to him," he said quietly.

"Why would he be since his father's actually Harris, sir?" Coulson moaned, staring at him. "Which is why the spell earlier from Rosenburg bounced off Stark tower. They knocked her out and it did backlash some to destroy part of the Council's building but it stopped opening the portal that was bringing unicorns here." He sighed hard. "And other things we kindly are letting them send home."

Coulson looked at the report, mentally grimacing. "This...."

"Rosenburg is a magic addict. She didn't care that she had killed four people who had hellmouth radiation and nearly her best friend as a fifth. Or his son as a sixth." Coulson winced again. "When they let her wake up she raged about putting the hellmouth energy back. She's in the hospital under observation by way of SHIELD's medical department. Miss Summers started to stick up for her until it was pointed out that she was killing innocents. Then Mr. Giles overruled her and called their coven friends. That sorcerer who supposedly handles rogue witches never showed up even after being notified."

"I'm about to lock all magic users into an underground bunker together," Coulson muttered, looking at him. "Are you certain about the boy's parentage?"

"Yes, and his mother agreed with me." He grinned. "I've worked with the father a few times recently, sir."

"That...explains why he's not there. It's much too dangerous. Which she said but I thought someone else."

"Some of the demons thought it was Sorcerer Rayne's."

"I think all children are chaotic at his age," Coulson said. "All right. Outcome?"

"She's in medical hold, Harris is in mystical medical hold by way of a demon clinic that saved him. Not sure how long before he gets out. Slayer Summers is pouting. Slayer Lehane went off and had a screaming rant at Rosenburg, Summers, and Giles while we were on the phone. The slayers are locked down tonight. And possibly for the rest of the week. The local peace treaty being worked on is presently on hold until they're sure there's no more attacks. We're not certain if they're going to attack Rosenburg for interrupting it with her attack on Harris.

"The portal was closed. Dr. Lewis talked to her college mentor and his group, who were most amused by that portal and the unicorns. Two unicorns did get free long enough to go pounce some carriage horses in the park and one of the ones stabled there for riding. The owners were informed of that with film so they could only groan. If Dr. Malcolm is right and life finds a way we'll have a few foals in a year."

"Charming," Coulson said. "The owners are mad?"

"One's suing the Council and Rosenburg for messing up her mare's special pedigree." He grinned. "They're not amused but the thought of having a unicorn foal made that one foam at the mouth. We saw most every magic user in the tri-state area outside Maximoff and the Sorcerer Supreme's group. They were all quite willing to help where they could, even if they couldn't. The sixty-four witches of both genders, and one gender neutral one, helped get it stopped and herded the unicorns back over.

"We do have agents there taking samples to make sure no germs came with them. Dr. Lewis was not amused that things came over this time but Dr. Foster was letting Thor figure out which realm that was. He was not amused. We saw Prince Loki however. He was giggling so hard he forgot to hold his invisibility shield. He came to help get the unicorns back over there and pointed out that some had ...procreated."

"So we can rate this on a cluster fuck scale?"

"Of Barton levels, yes, Director," he agreed with a grin. "We saw Barton too. The unicorns seemed very confused by his bow." Coulson was rubbing his forehead. "Romanoff went to help sedate Rosenburg. Something about giving redheads a bad reputation."

Coulson held up a hand. "She hates witches." He looked at him. "Fallout?"

"Three unicorn foals possibly. Lots of angry people at a certain witch. The other witches among them. We missed three American covens who're stronger than the Devon coven. Mr. Giles can swear in multiple languages. The demon community has thought about a hunt order on Rosenburg. That may be the biggest fallout."

"Great. Any recommendations?"

"Dr. Malcolm suggested we put up some sort of energy sucking device there. Dr. Foster agreed since the last portal was in that location and Dr. Lewis suggested they could hide one inside a statue to camouflage it. It was thought to be a good idea and Dr. Foster's devices from the London incident would work well according to them. Dr. Malcolm's students do not want to work for SHIELD but a few like SWORD." He smiled again. "I talked up our program and two really liked that. Dr. Malcolm just smiled at that and then at Stark for putting out offers for his students during that."

"Great. I'd rather have them with Stark or SWORD than anyone but SHIELD. I definitely don't want his chaos studying people in the military. No idea what might come." He stared at him. "Did any agree?"

"Two are expecting the recruiters I called earlier to show up in the next week." He grinned. "They'll be good fits."

"Wonderful. Any other cheerful news?"

"Saw your protégé, Director. She's...well, she did happily pet a something that was vaguely dog shaped that came with the unicorns. It loved her so much."

"Daisy does not have permission to adopt a pet at this time," he said blandly. "You still look amused."

"Yes. We saw...you've seen the movie Legend?" Coulson frowned but shook his head. "With the dress and the dance and the demon played by Tim Curry?"

"Yes, I've seen that scene."

"Yeah, he showed up too. He's in Manhattan, teaches at CUNY, and was highly amused as well but got some portal creators in to help remove the portal. He did adopt a baby unicorn foal that ran over. We weren't going to argue because he might be able to horn us. Your protégé tried to argue but he did something that took her voice for an hour. She's fine now though. I dropped her in the infirmary on my way up here."

"Wonderful. Thank you, Agent Woo."

"Welcome, Director." He grinned again. "I've made sure all assumptions about that child's parentage are out of the system. Including the ones that were behind the times and still thought he was Loki's son." He saluted and left, leaving the door open.

Coulson filed that report and the classified notes to go with it then went to check on Daisy. He could finish having that headache later, after he checked on his people.

***

Darcy looked at Thor that night, staring at him. "How did the baby daddy get a drop on Loki?" she asked quietly.

"I know not or if he expected such an attack or even if he knows of the father of your son." He shrugged. "That leads to questions that I do not want to think upon, Darcy."

"Point." She looked at her son, who was curled up next to Bruce, both of them taking a nap. He had spotted Bruce napping so curled up next to him to cuddle and nap next to his icon. She shook her head and went back to watching tv again. Jane was clearing her throat while trying not to think about that question either. Darcy handed over her work on the teleportation target device. Jane tipped her head sideways and got to work upgrading it to multiple streams and holding more than one person. Darcy grinned. "That way we can send the idiots to a volcano," Darcy quipped happily.

Jane nodded. "We could but that would waste a target."

"That one can be projected," Darcy offered with a grin. "A small glass plate with the electronics and the symbols projected."

Jane looked around Thor at her then sighed. "We do not participate in human sacrificing, Darcy."

"If we don't, someone like Mayhem may have kids for mine to battle. Gotta make sure the kiddo doesn't have a built in nemesis already."

Jane blinked a few times. "Dr. Mayhew?"

"No, not her, who is bad enough. Him!"

"Oh, *him*." She nodded, going back to work. "Just one or two might not hurt. Though it'd be safer to let him build his own and test it on himself." She sighed. "But happy wishing and all that."

Thor sighed, hugging Jane to his side. "We should not encourage people to end themselves, even if they would endanger humanity. Or else I would know fewer people." She poked him on the side and got back to work.

Bruce woke up and snorfled, looking at the tiny, warm thing against his chest. "No wonder I napped so long."

"He caught you napping and decided it was a great idea so climbed up," Darcy said, getting up to grab her kid. "Apparently you looked like a safe, snuggly one, Bruce. I couldn't make him move without waking you up with the screams of rage he'd give out."

He snorted. "I'm not safe, Lewis."

She grinned. "Yes you are. Even if the kid pisses you off you won't Hulk off at him. Adrian would enjoy that too much and cuddle you more."

Bruce burst out snickering, nodding. "True, he would." He got up with a few joints popping and a moan, heading for his apartment.

"Bruce, we're taking names of people we want to test new technology on themselves. Anyone beyond *him* down on the third lab floor?" Jane asked.

Bruce paused to think about that. "That's kind of evil, Foster. But I'll third his name and his mentor's too." He continued on his walk, thinking happy thought about idiots taking themselves out before they got to annoy him again.

Darcy grinned at Jane. "We need to use one in the middle of nowhere or at least somewhere without civilization. We don't want anyone to be showered with ash of human remains when it goes off."

Jane nodded. "Not a bad idea," she said, adding that to the side notes she made.

Thor sighed as he stood up, picking Jane up to carry her off. "Come, we will have dinner and then rest in the tub. That way your mind does not go more evil places that would give me more battles, my Jane." Darcy was grinning and waving with Adrian. "We'll see you both on the morrow."

Darcy looked at her son, who grinned back. "We should go back to our apartment too." He nodded so she took him down there to feed him dinner.

Natasha, who had been reading in the corner just made notes on that idea. It sounded like something she might want to use someday.

***

Jane walked into her lab the next morning and heard 'rawr' from under a desk. She leaned down to see a blanket covered lump. "Are you a desk monster?" The blanket nodded. It was a bigger blanket monster than she expected so another question. "Okay. Are you the blanket monster Adrian?" It shook its head. "Huh. Darcy?" she called, bringing her out of her working on something. "Where's Adrian since this blanket monster isn't yours?"

Darcy looked under that same table. The shoes were a dead giveaway of who the blanket monster was. "Hey, Bethany! Is Adrian with the shinies?" The blanket monster nodded. "He's in Stark's lab. Let me go get him. I figured out how to work magic portals on mirrors like in stories." She went up the hall, knocking before leaning in. "Is my son being the Pirate Shiny in here, Stark?" she called. "He left Bethany blanket monster and seems to have run off."

"Yes," a male voice called back. "Though I am not Stark."

"Sure, Loki. Thanks." She headed back there, forcing herself to not wonder how that had happened, staring at her son, who had 'taken hostage' a half-built robot. She sighed. "Son, you may not capture a robot friend of Mr. Tony's for pillage and ransom. Please let your hostages go." Adrian pouted. "Or no pop tarts all week long."

He let the robot go and gave her puppy eyes about keeping Loki tied up. "People will be mean to him for being captured by such a pirate. Please let Uncle Loki go too." She sighed. "I figured out how to make magical portals. Want to go work on that? You can be a space pirate then." She got the knot undone for Loki and walked her bouncy and cheering son off. "Sorry."

"It's not much of a problem," he admitted, looking confused. "Like on the mirrors?" he demanded, following them. He nodded at Stark when he walked past him. "The lad had me tied up. Apparently I was a hostage for ransom."

Stark looked really confused standing there in the hallway with his mouth slightly open. "Um...." He shook himself quickly then went to check the security feeds.

Loki looked at the notes. "That would be the math the magic is built upon but you'll need to refine the locations." He looked at her. "It may work in short distances but in longer you'd land off to the side thanks to traveling in a straight line. You can build in curves however."

"I can?" Loki nodded. "Oh, okay. Thank you." She grinned. "Are you perhaps hanging out with his baby daddy?" she asked quietly.

"No, though I do know him fairly well. We've fought together in some battles." He stared at her. "I'm still beholden to Dawn." He rolled his eyes.

Darcy grinned. "Some day, he can rewrite all the myths about evil witches if he wants."

He looked at the boy then at her. "Perhaps but he is a bit tilted toward chaos." He disappeared because he heard agents coming up the hall.

"Is Dawn the perky brunette that his baby daddy showed us pictures of?" Jane asked.

"Yup." She sat down, staring at her son. "Let's be space pirates. Jane's got a bridge trial tomorrow, Adrian." He beamed at his aunt.

"We'll see if it works then you can go be a space pirate instead of a shiny pirate. Until then, can you help your buddy be a blanket monster?" He wiggled down there to play with his daycare buddy. Darcy called the daycare to let them know about the blanket monsters. The agents were checking each lab. So when they came in, Jane looked at them. "He already left. He was checking on Adrian for his father."

"Adrian's father, not Loki's father. Odin doesn't seem that parentally concerned," Darcy quipped. "And has no relation to Adrian anyway. Odin also thinks that Jane's a goat so...." She shrugged, smiling at the daycare worker. "The scary blanket monsters are there. The nice, giggly one is calming down the scary, pirate loving one." She pointed.

Adrian popped out. "Yar!" he yelled, waving his hands, trying to be fierce. "Give me booty!"

The agents all tried not to laugh at that. One handed over a quarter. "That's all the shiny booty we have, Adrian. Can we take any hostages you have for that ransom?" he asked with a grin.

Adrian stared at it then looked at him. "I demand pops!"

Jane got him a pack of pop tarts to share. "There, all your ransom, Pirate Adrian. Share with the giggly blanket monster friend you have." He grinned and ducked down to do that.

Darcy grinned at the daycare worker, who was trying not to giggle but was grinning. "Yeah, he's a pirate this week."

"He's an adorable one and we can go over ships and space ships this week so he knows what he'll need to sail." She gathered the kids, the blanket, and their booty to go downstairs. Jane had to come rescue her coffee grounds but he was good at stealing the important booty.

Darcy grinned at the agents. "Thanks for not scaring him, guys."

"We're just making sure Loki isn't here to be a pain in the butt," the quarter giving agent said patiently.

"He was checking on him for the baby daddy's friends."

"Awww. He gone?"

"Yup."

"Okay. Thanks." They went to make a report. Coulson, so not amused until they shared the film from Adrian the pirate. That made even Melinda May giggle.

***

Darcy smiled at her mentor when he walked into his office, and smirked at her for being in his guest chair. "I have need of an intern for Jane and I. Because I figured out how to do teleportation with Jane, and then I figured out how to do magic mirror traveling mostly by myself, with a slight flaw."

Dr. Ian Malcolm sat down, staring at her. "You did what now?" She handed over the basics of her idea. He looked it over and moaned. "Oh, dear."

"Oh, yes. And we're taking names of people who should build their own to test it before we build ours." She smirked. "We have one we affectionately called the Asshole of Mayhem in our labs."

He cleared his throat. "Don't tempt me, Lewis." He handed it back. "We only have Patricia that's interested in that area of study."

"Yeah but she hates kids. Adrian's still around. Last time she saw him, she fled from him cutting a tooth. Since he's recently decided he wants to be a pirate and likes to jump out to demand booty..." She grinned. "Not a great fit and please don't suggest Eric either. I don't trust him around other humans."

"No, he's left the program because I looked him up when everyone kept him away from others and he had to flee from me sending him to that certain island to be eaten." He grinned. "Where were you going to end your terminus?"

"Volcano." She grinned. "Uninhabited island volcano in the Pacific ocean. We picked a pretty one that's still slightly active."

He nodded. "That would make sense. Does it work?" She pulled a glass plate out of her bag and tossed a blank piece of paper from his note stack on it then hit a button. It disappeared. It came back a minute later with a coffee order. She held it up with a grin. "Oh, wow." He was feeling tingles he hadn't felt since he had to watch his mentor and buddy break the 8th dimension.

She beamed and nodded. "Jane and I both need someone who can do some of the nagging I used to do. I need a mini me that's already grown up. I'm not half as bad as Jane is about forgetting stuff thanks to the kiddo but Jane's still forgetting to eat even with the application of Thor."

He cleared his throat. "Have we tested life forms?"

"A single mouse and it came back...gooey but I think I know why."

He slumped, staring at her. "You're amazingly a problem, you know that right?"

"Yup!" She beamed. "You should've seen the trying to figure out Adrian's daddy thing from agents. They guessed every chaos leaning person but you, Dr. Malcolm."

He smiled. "Good, I'd hate to have a kid." He stared at her. "What about a non-geek like you were? There's that guy who wants to be Quicksilver."

"That might set Maximoff off since she's in the tower right now but if he works...." She shrugged. "Yay him? Can he handle seeing the kid trying to be a pirate?"

"That I don't know. Or we do have a minor witch in chemistry but that might counteract hers since she wants to heal the earth and believes her magic comes from an angelic source." He adjusted his glasses, staring at her again. "I'll send the Pietro wannabe and Miss Marsha over to you guys later."

She beamed. "Marsha's a great choice and Jane would probably like her baking." She stood up, tucking that plate into her bag. "Thank you, Dr. Malcolm. By the way, I suggested Stark look at your students." She winked and walked off.

He grinned. "That bit of fluffy chaos is very good to my project, yes. She'll be a great benefit to humanity." He made a few calls to those two people so they could go interview with Foster and Lewis. And their kid.

***

Darcy walked up to Wanda that night. She didn't *like* her but she didn't want to see anyone have a panic attack. "I have to note something before you see and freak out." Wanda stared at her. "Our new intern thinks your former brother is a hot pinup to emulate. He's a huge fan. Dyed his hair and all that too." Wanda winced but nodded. "I didn't want you to see him in the hall and freak out. He even changed his name from Peter to Pietro he's such a huge fan."

Wanda sighed. "So yeah, just don't freak out on him please?" She looked at Bruce. "Miss Marsha is our other intern and she's quit baking again to go to the gym. She thinks she wants to run marathons with her new snuggly. So she's a tiny bit uptight about candy. She nearly had a pouty fit about pop tarts but Adrian made her mind go gooey."

She smirked. "She's a biology sort and loves our office plants already. He's a history geek." Bruce just nodded, looking smug. "Oh, and we need to borrow a few things to test with, Bruce. We *think* we know why the platform works well on inanimate but not fully animate." He sat up straighter to stare at her. She grinned. "You know Jane won't touch mice. I'd have to bring the spawn to a pet store to pick some up and that would end up with him adopting everything in there."

"I can get a few tester mice," he agreed. "Tomorrow?"

"Whenever you get some." She beamed. "It self installed very well." She strolled off. "Jane's secondary bridge is nearly set up too. So we might have an Asgardian showing up soon."

"Yeah, I think that's fine," he said, getting up to follow her. "How do we think it works, Lewis?"

She grinned as he got onto the elevator with him. "We think we're bending time and space. Unless we're pulling the eighth dimension stuff."

He moaned. "Okay, I need to see this." They went to the lab to show him with some plant samples. They survived, mostly, after some calibration. Their two interns were in there helping too. Jane was calibrating on the fly. Darcy was setting up new examples. And making a third base to work from. The first mouse sent, stolen from a chemistry lab, came back inside out but

Darcy recalibrated it and they sent a second stolen mouse, which got eaten on that side so it couldn't come back without the bird eating it. That got sent immediately home. The third stolen mouse came back whole and tried to flee for its life. Bruce got Stark, who came in to help test that. He could order mice so none of them had to hold one.

***

"Motherfucker," Xander said as he appeared, glaring up at the ceiling. Then he sighed, looking at Darcy. He spotted the guy he kinda knew. "Pietro? I thought you were dead. Did someone bring you back to life? Was it Rosenburg?"

"He's a huge stan of his," Darcy quipped, grinning at him. "Howdy. Someone sent you this way?"

"Um, yeah. The witches are mad that you're doing things with science and that it can easily cross into the mystical and actually might be able to either breach dimensions or maybe even the veil of death."

"So if we bring Sirius out of the portal...." Darcy quipped, waving a hand.

"The coven might not be that amused or that surprised." He shrugged. "They sent me because they send me to talk to anyone they consider weird or who might want or need a peace treaty." He looked down at the floor then around. "The sprout in the daycare?"

She looked then pointed. "Staring at Bruce." He grinned. "He's a huge Hulk fan."

"Yeah, so am I. He's the only one who can take on a huge demon and not need weapons or help. Damn I wish I could sometimes but not literally. It might freak out some of my dates."

Darcy snickered, nodding. "With some we've heard you dated, probably." She looked up the hallway. "There's Wanda lurking again, Pietro." He went to freak her out. He liked to do that because he thought her brother would enjoy him doing that. She looked at Xander. "Vision about it?"

"Um, yeah. It can breach dimensions and death." He grinned. "I thought I might be too late, but not your fault."

"I'll let others know." She looked over at Adrian, who was staring at Wanda now. "Hey, little pirate, she won't come near you. Quit stressing. Come meet someone new?" He ran over to pounce Xander, babbling at him about pirate stuff and shinies.

Xander grinned at him. "Being a pirate's great. I even know a few I can go steal the ship of so you can go sailing some day, little man." He petted down his hair. "I think you'd like that and you can take your Auntie Jane with you so she's safely away from the hammer. Before it picks her." Adrian beamed and talked about the hammer friend he had. Xander pulled his axe off his back and let the baby see it. "This is my axe." He squatted down so the boy could pet it and check it over. "You can be friends with him too if you want."

"Kitty?" he asked, looking at his mother.

"It's not a kitty. These are kitties," Xander said, puling a set of battle claws from his pack. "See, these are claws."

"Ooooh, shiny kitties." He grinned at his mother but went back to petting the shiny kitties. And then the new tall friend that was sharp but pretty.

Darcy grinned. "FRIDAY, we're taking film?"

"Of course, Dr. Lewis. Your son is adorable," the AI said patiently.

"Cool. Thanks. You can share with Clint or Jane if they want." Her son was really appreciating the claws. "We need to get you some of your own that aren't sharp, don't we?"

Xander grinned and winked. "I've got a sword for his future pirate needs too, Darcy." He nodded at Wanda when she came to the doorway. "Hey, Wanda."

"Xander?" she asked quietly. She looked very weirded out.

"Yup, the witches sent me to talk to Darcy and Jane about their portal stuff because someone had a vision about it belching weirdly." He sat down with his axe across his lap and Adrian sat down to play with the claws. "Don't scratch yourself, Adrian. Those are really sharp. Thankfully I cleaned all the demon blood off them."

The baby beamed and waved them at his auntie when she came in. "Kitties!"

"I can see the kitties, Adrian." Jane patted him on the head on the way to her desk. "They're pretty and shiny."

Adrian smirked at his father. "Shiny pirate kitty?"

"Yeah, they work as pirate kitties," he agreed with a grin back. Adrian beamed and got up to go show his other shiny friend but mom stopped him. "Stay in here, little dude. That way the kitties don't get lost." He nodded, settling in to play with them again. They cut his blanket friend so they didn't play well together. He needed to protect his blanket friend. But they did play well with his blocks so the pirate kitties got to help him build with them. Xander winked at Darcy, who grinned back. "Anyway, that's why I got sent with the warning."

"That's a great warning," Darcy agreed. Adrian was humming as he built. Jane was watching him. "Put some on the left, Adrian," she said quietly. He quit tipping his head and added to that side, evening it out so he could go higher.

Adrian paused then stared at his mom. "Kitties play shinny uppy Groo?"

"No, the kitties shouldn't play with the shiny puppy Groo," Darcy said patiently. "Dogs and kitties don't always get along."

"Shiny kitties house?" he asked with a grin.

"Doggies have houses," Jane said. "Kitties sleep wherever you don't want them to."

"Willow's nineteen sure do," Xander quipped. They stared at him. "Each time she does something weird, the coven in Devon give her a kitten to be a familiar so she has to think of what would happen to them if she did that again."

Darcy sighed. "With nineteen, haven't they realized they might need a better solution?"

"No. They're not talking. Giles finally got through to them that they had to be fixed. He complained about too many cats stealing his desk chair." He smirked. "They weren't amused but agreed that Willow's few cats shouldn't be allowed in his office if he hated cats that much."

"Let me guess, one started that problem off, told the others and they didn't realize they each kept giving her one?" Darcy guessed. Xander grinned and nodded. "Nineteen, wow. How many did she get for that portal that nearly killed you and let unicorns show up to screw some park horses?"

He shuddered. "None. They agreed it should go back to the source and if someone had sucked up that much energy from a hellmouth it was their own fault and they were probably evil anyway."

"And yet, we had a full glow here," Darcy said quietly, staring at him.

"I heard. There's a protection against that. It can be done in henna on his back."

"That'll make me feel better. Thank you."

"Welcome." He grinned at the boy, who was trying to sneak out. "Where are you going?" he teased, pulling him closer again and ducking the attempted pet by the 'kitties'. "You can't leave us alone. We'll be really bored without you, little dude."

Adrian grinned. "See Hulk," he said seriously.

Darcy shook her head. "You can't interrupt people, Adrian. You know that. He's working." He ran to look in there then pounded on the glass wall. She looked and sighed. "Great. Military idiots, Jane." Jane locked up all their stuff.

Xander got up and strolled over there, grinning at the staring military guy. "Sorry but the little dude wanted to show his uncle his kitty. Can we have Dr. Banner please?"

"You're that Council guy," he said quietly.

"Why yes, I am." Xander grinned. "Why do you ask?"

"My boss said there's a reward on you."

"The Supreme Court said there's not. Your boss is behind the times and you can tell him I said that. Thank you anyway." The guy pulled a gun but Xander had him in a choke hold before it cleared the holster. "Yeah, not into that today. Thank you anyway." He let the unconscious guy go. "So anyway, the kid wanted to show you his new shiny friend, Banner." He smirked. "And the Supreme Court said I was to blow the fuck out of the ones trying that. I'm being nice today. Come on, so you're safer?"

"I.... Yeah, let's be safer." He went that way. "Wanda, they shouldn't see you either." She stomped off. Xander waved at her back. "Don't like her?"

"I like the one I met from another realm better than this one. She wasn't as fractured and evil." Adrian came running over to show his idol his new kitty friend. "Are they being good kitties, Adrian?" The baby beamed and nodded, pulling on Bruce's arm until he came to help him and the kitty build a house for the axe friend. Xander leaned out to look at someone stomping up the hall. "Hey, Hill." He grinned and waved. "The military guy said my name in awe then said there's a bounty on my head again. Of course, I told him the Supreme Court said he was wrong and knocked him out like they said I could."

She nodded. "Excellent. Thank you, Harris." She looked in there then at him. "Is that your axe?"

"Yeah, the little dude thinks he's great." He grinned. "And my battle claws are his new kitty friends."

"The kid's a bit weird." She went to take care of the mess. She did not want to stay too near Harris. Last time they had been in a battle together, she had gotten licked by one tongue swipe all the way up her back and nearly taken as a special concubine. She didn't need that again.

Xander sat down, grinning at Bruce. "The last time I ran into her during a battle, two demons decided to fight over who'd claim her and Venom ended up licking up her backside from her knees to her hair to get her out of his way. Then he laughed when she punched him for it."

Darcy was shaking her head quickly. "Great for her."

"Venom's hot," Bruce said. "But he eats people. Hill would never let herself be lunch." He went back to building with the kid. Stark leaned in. "The military showed up. Harris got him when the guy tried for him."

Xander grinned and waved. "The Supreme Court said I was to blow the fuck outta them for it too. I was nice and only knocked him out."

"Thanks for that, Harris." He looked at the kid then at him. "Big reasons to show up?"

"Warning them that their device can breach dimensions and maybe the death veil."

"Oh, okay. We'll be on the lookout for that and the return of the dead mice then." He walked off frowning. "Who let military people into my building?" he demanded.

"They snuck up," Hill said as she finished handcuffing that guy. "Security is going to have massive PT this afternoon and then an ass kicking."

"Thank you. We don't want them to capture anyone around here. We might all become normal." He saw the kid go running past him. "Adrian, should you be doing that?"

"Shit!" Darcy called, chasing after him. "Sorry. Didn't see him sneaking! He's heading for Steve's shield."

"It's in my lab getting a new paint touchup, Lewis." He went to grab it and brought it back for the kid. "Here, Adrian." He handed it over. The kitty's claws hit the shield and a loud ring went out with a loud vibration. "Wow. Are those vibranium?"

"No," Xander said. "It's a semi-mystical metal, Stark." He let him see it. "There's some special asteroid metal that's not vibranium and some dwarven crafted remains folded into it. They created them for me."

Stark looked at it, turning it over. "Nicely crafted, no seams. Dwarves do good work." He handed it back. "Do we have any samples?"

Xander handed over his other one. "That one needs sharpening on the last claw if that'll help. I keep that one a bit more blunt since I cut myself with it."

"I can do that," Stark agreed, walking off to file that edge a bit to get a small sample. He stopped Thor since he was walking up the hall. "Get the hammer so I can test this against it, Thor?" He walked off again.

Xander leaned out of the lab. "They're dwarven created from scraps," he told Thor.

"Ah." He nodded, going to get his hammer. The claws didn't ding his hammer or send out a loud vibration but it did create a small charge between them when they were brought close together. "I have much the same with the shield," Thor noted.

"The shield and this one rang out like a huge bell from a single touch."

"Dwarven metals are unique in composition and only they know of where they get it." Stark finished getting a few shavings and let Thor bring them back for him. "It conducts my electricity from the hammer."

Xander grinned. "I figured it would. It's metal." He tucked that one away. Adrian was still playing with his axe and claws with Bruce. He looked at Thor. "The witches wanted me to come warn them that their little plate device can breach dimensions and the veil of death."

Thor moaned but nodded. "That is good to know. Can we arrange not to do that?" he asked Jane, who nodded. "Good. That would be mean to the ones pulled." He looked at the young boy. "Adrian, I was going to do some yoga if you wanted to join me."

He looked up, eyes wide. "Yoga?"

"Yes, the stretching stuff," he said with a grin. "You can use my hammer to help."

"Cool!" He carried the claws on his wrist and dragged the axe with him to go play with his uncle. "We stretchy, Mama."

"Okay. Have fun stretching with Uncle Thor, but you can probably leave the axe and the kitty here so Xander can pet them himself." Her son scowled and swatted at her before running out.

"I can get it back in a few minutes," Xander said quietly.

"No, he needs to not steal things," Darcy said. "Thor...."

"Of course." He took the shield with him to get the axe back. It didn't work, the boy wanted all the weapons with him. "You are much too young to be a warrior, Adrian. You do not need weapons yet."

"Yes, do!" he said firmly. "Always do!"

"Fine. Their owners would probably like them back later." Steve came out to stare at them.

"Groo play kitties!" Adrian said with a huge grin, waving his new kitty friends.

"I can see that. Can I have the shield to shine it? It needs a bath and some new hair dye."

Adrian looked at it then sighed. "Need it back later. Building house! Uppy house!"

"Sure, we can build it a puppy house later," he promised with a smile, taking his shield back. "Those look sharp."

"My kitties!" he said, hugging them. "Good kitties."

"I'm sure they're very good kitties, Adrian. You take good care of your friends so they're probably very sweet kitties." Adrian nodded with a grin. "Good boy." He walked off, taking his shield back down to the lab. He paused at Darcy's doorway. "He has weapons? Sharp weapons?"

"He borrowed them. He has to give the back soon. The same with the axe." She went up to sweet talk her son out of his new friends with some pop tarts and popcorn. It usually worked. This time it worked partially but the demon showing up got clawed by Thor, who had grabbed them from the boy to use. Adrian sat down to pet the poor, bloody, messy kitties until Darcy talked him into giving them a bath in the sink. Then they could go back to their owner for a few hours of napping.

***

Jane turned around when their new intern snuck into the lab, turning up the overhead light. "Forgot your backpack?" she guessed with a point.

"Yeah, that too." He did something and she fell asleep. "Sorry but she needs me back," he said quietly. "Then this one can be the lesser me." He moved to the new glass plates on the floor, doing what the voice had told him to do. That and her bridge terminus got put together and he turned them on.

Darcy hurried in. "Oh hell no, Pietro! I don't care if it is to save your sister's sanity! You're not using our shit!"

"You don't understand."

"I do understand. My only sibs were a set of identical twins. They died within minutes of each other when one drowned, the other was on dry land." She moved closer. "You can't use it that way. Using the bridge means you end up somewhere and bodiless. After you destroy your host body. Jane doesn't have a second terminus set up. You'll end up in the void and the only other terminus for the plates is in a volcano area. So step off them please." He huffed but did move slightly. "Try the mirror," she suggested with a point. "It goes to the area called Between. And leave him here. He doesn't deserve this."

"No, he doesn't. I'm sorry I found him and possessed him."

"I'm sure he'd be thrilled that your sister brought your spirit back."

"No, I never left," he admitted. "And your twin sisters are adorable, Lewis." He smirked a tiny bit. "Turn this on for me?"

She did the markings she needed, grabbed a calculator to do the final measurements, then turned it on. He touched it with a hand, closed his body's eyes, stepped out of him so Darcy could rescue that one, and floated into the mirror. Upstairs, Wanda screamed in agony like he had died again but he came out of the mirror a minute later, whole, shaky, and really back. He heaved a bit, staring at her. "That's not the trip anyone should take." He passed out.

"Yeah, that's why we don't allow that." She got security up there. "Guys, freeze," she ordered. "Long story. Our intern who wanted to be Pietro Maximoff was possessed by him. I got Pietro back to his own body using a portal. But he did knock Jane out before he tried to combine the bridge and portal system and would've killed himself and his twin sister. So we need three to go to the infirmary, I need to see Agent Woo from SWORD right now, and don't upset Thor when he stomps in to yell at Jane?"

The head guard nodded. "Okay. Are we taking either of the guys in cuffs?"

"For needing to come back to save his twin's sanity?" she asked.

"Point. Twins can be weird like that."

She nodded. "My twin sisters were." That got a wince and a hiss from one of the guys in back. "So yeah, let's medical tent them, let Agent Woo take reports? We can tolerate him. He's neat enough to talk to and he likes the same shows I do. So much better than Hill."

"We can call out for him," a guard said, finding his card on her desk to make that call while they got stretchers. "Can you untune the bridge? It's humming."

Darcy looked and separated the portal and the bridge terminus then turned to look at the mirror. "That might not turn off and shattering it would be a bad idea. And there's a something staring this way. Let's cover this for now." They nodded, getting a blanket to do that from the stash in the closet so she didn't have to look away and possibly let something out of the mirror. Darcy watched them take the three unconscious people then went to grab Clint. "Get me to Maximoff," she ordered as she came off the stairs.

"We heard an alarm going off," he offered.

"Yeah, her twin was hanging around and got himself brought back."

He winced. "Okay." He took her to Wanda's suite, knocking before picking the lock and walking in. "Wanda?"

Darcy walked over to nudge her. "Thanks to your brother borrowing some of your skills to hang around, he managed to bring himself back to his own body. He's in the infirmary and is presently passed out." Wanda blinked hard at her. Darcy stared back. "My siblings were identical twins, Maximoff. You didn't have to use others to get that done, but it's done." She nodded, going to find her brother with Clint's help.

She followed, making sure the door was locked. She went to the lab, running into SHIELD people. "Oh, hell no! That mirror portal is still open, people, and there's things on the other side! Step away from it! Before you get eaten!" They all got out of the lab and she looked at Hill. "Agent Woo is very pleasant to deal with so we can give him a report since SWORD would have to deal with the portal anyway."

"That's not an option," Hill said.

"Yes it is," Stark yelled. "She's a Stark employee, not a SHIELD one, Hill. Get the smart guy who doesn't live to piss off geeks!" He came up the hallway. "Explain it to me very fast before I kick you with a jet boot, Lewis."

She stared at him. "We realized about yesterday that Pietro, our intern, was actually possessed. Xander pointed that out and we realized what was happening then. Jane wasn't sure about anything to be done but I've been researching for Adrian's later magical education to keep him away from certain areas. Including Between." He winced but nodded once. "Tonight, Pietro came back to use the plate system and Jane's bridge to give him back a body.

"Which would've left him in the void, our intern damaged or dead, and Maximoff going further off the deep end. Late last night I spent most of it looking up the Between area. It's like Purgatory but different. I used the mirror portal system to switch one to that area instead of sending him Elsewhere or anywhere else." Stark nodded once again. "If he needed his body back, that's the safest way because it won't start an apocalypse like Rosenburg did. Something higher on that end would have to do it over there then send him back if they thought it was the right thing to do."

"Okay, so he's back in his body, your intern's okay, and Foster?"

"They knocked her out." She grimaced. "I'm going to kick both their asses for that tomorrow." She shifted to lean against the wall. "I could've stalled him but we would've had the female Maximoff going off the deep end. Further off the deep end," she said more quietly. "Xander pegged it, she's mentally unhealthy."

"Yeah, she has been. She's not accepted any offer of help though."

Darcy stared at him. "I had twin sisters, Stark. They died within minutes of each other. I have the feeling so did Wanda."

He considered it then nodded. "Yeah, he was helping her control her gifts," he sighed, rubbing his face. "So you acted to save lives, protect the rest of us, and it just made a portal that you can't close?"

"It's being held open. The only other portal to Between is somewhere in space. Right now this one's covered with a blanket." She looked. "Don't even try to come through to this earth, being! We don't need more immigrants right now please!" The lump under the blanket disappeared. She sighed, looking at Tony. "Breaking the mirror would cause a backlash that could conceivably destroy this floor from the energy lash. We're going to have to hide it and that's why I used that mirror, it's mobile."

He went to look, staring at the creatures staring back. He recovered it. "Okay. Where do we hide it? That sorcerer guy who wanted your kid?"

"Maybe. Not sure about that part. This was immediate plan that worked level, not preplanned beyond we'd have to let him try to save our intern. No one deserves to be possessed forever."

"No, the kid deserves his own life," he agreed. He stared at the being who appeared. "That's another option I guess," he told Heimdall.

"She acted with stealth and sense. That was the only way to not destroy others," the God of the Bridge said. Darcy walked in. "It was wise to lean on Between."

"I ran into it while researching things Adrian should never see."

Heimdall smiled. "With his skills, he could become a master of it, but we know of one named Ilyana who does that better for now." He patted her on the shoulder. "We cannot break that portal but it can be hidden."

"Safely?" she asked.

"Any who would use it would do so at their own risk and folly." He shrugged. "We have a few temples that could hold it safely." She smiled and nodded.

"I'd prefer that they not let anyone near it," Tony said.

"Us as well but some people are desperate," Heimdall said. Thor stomped in so he nodded.

Darcy looked at him. "Pietro moved to get his own body back. Jane got gassed gently."

"That's fine. I've checked and she'll be well when she wakes. This portal?"

"To Between," Darcy said, moving in front of him. "That was the safest, sanest way, Thor."

He considered it. "I have only heard rumors but it sounds thus." He patted her on the cheek with a smile. "It is a wise warrior who can plan, Lightening Sister."

"I'm so going to go get wine drunk and sob in a few minutes, Thor. I don't want this sort of stress." He nodded, giving her a hug. "Heimdall, can it be hidden safely? And moved safely?"

"Yes, it can be," he assured her. "Though I do want to look at Jane's bridge."

"She'd consider it a betrayal if I turned it on without her being here," she offered. "But I've been working on the magic mirror teleporting and we've been working on teleporting platforms together." She let him see those ideas. That was the first time she'd heard Heimdall moan like a man. Even Thor got hard at that sound. Heimdall kissed her on the forehead when he handed back the notes she had let him see, taking the mirror with him. The blanket fell down to the floor once it was gone. Darcy took a deep breath, letting Thor put her into her desk chair. "Okay." She blinked at Tony. "It's wine o'clock."

"Yeah, if not something stronger," he agreed patiently. "A little warning, Lewis?"

"He started it. We thought we had days and he'd do it around their birthday. A significant date for them."

"Point. Okay. Let Agent Woo in when he gets here to take a report," he ordered the guards. "Keep everyone else out of here, the infirmary, and away from the twins."

She put a hand on his arm. "In her apartment is a resurrection circle," she said quietly. "I just saw it when I went up to tell her. She's got one back."

"She'll try the other," he sighed. "We can talk about that later." He patted her on the cheek. "You did good, kid. You lessened harm, you protected my building and us, it was good. Just shout out first, as you're running to handle something?" He left to go to the infirmary.

Thor nodded. "If I had heard, I could have guarded the bodies," he said. "Let us know, Darcy." He gave her a hug. "I shall go hover over Jane." He left.

Darcy heaved herself up with a sigh. "I'm going to lock some stuff up and go to my apartment." The guards nodded. They let her lock up the information on how to make the various devices work then escorted her to her apartment. When Agent Woo strolled in they escorted him up to talk to her while they listened. That way they had a report for Stark as well.

***

Clint looked at the young guy on the bed when he groaned. "Well, you managed it," he said bluntly.

Pietro blinked at him then sighed. "You are not the one I wanted to wake up to," he said in Sokovian.

Clint grinned. "She's in the next bed, knocked out." He pointed. "Because she started to go off on a nurse. So she got darted." He put his hand down. "How long have you been watching her?"

"The whole time," he admitted quietly, staring at him. "She is my twin."

"I get that. Even if I'm not one so I can't fully understand. But a little warning might've helped." He gave him a pointed look. "They're going to be all over Darcy for that, Pietro."

"I will talk to them, get her out of trouble." He sighed and slumped. "Having a body hurts again. I forgot about this sensation."

Clint grinned. "I've been there many times. You'll get used to it. And the soup they'll bring you in a bit to make sure you're able to hold down fluids. Then there's the x-rays, the CT or MRI...all that stuff to make sure you're fully human and didn't come back funny."

Pietro looked at him. "It bound us tighter. If I go again, she will follow this time."

Clint nodded once. "I can see why. Still, warning? Before you do the stupid shit?"

"If I can." A nurse knocked and came in with some water. "Thank you." He took it to sip. "Between is not hell but it is not a nice place." He let her refill it and gulp the rest, then sighed in pleasure as he laid back down. "Thank you. My sister?"

"Can wake herself up in about an hour. By then you'll be out of the MRI probably." She stared at him. "That way we make sure you came back as human."

He nodded. "As far as they told me I would. They do not want to see my sister. She tried to reach them once and could not." He shifted with a wince. "I won my freedom," he told the nurse when she looked concerned. "My shoulders are sore."

"We'll check that too. Agent Barton, are you done debriefing him?"

"Yeah, we can get a full report after she wakes up."

Pietro looked at him. "Go erase her floor," he said, staring at him.

Clint nodded. "I saw that. Yup, I sure am." He went to do that with Natasha's help. She did good breaking mystical things.

Pietro smiled at the nurse. "May I go relieve myself? I died with a full bladder."

"Sure." She helped him up and into the bathroom then back to the bed so they could go test him. She had that all ready when Agent Woo walked into the infirmary. "As far as we can tell, he's fully back," she reported, holding out the folder. "His sister is awake and sobbing on him after she nearly destroyed the MRI to get him out of it."

"That's good. Can I debrief him tomorrow?"

"That'd be a good idea. Let them finish twin bonding or whatever." She smiled. "I've heard Dr. Lewis called it wine o'clock."

"I've talked to her. She made notes for us." He grinned. "I'll be back about sevenish for his debrief and hers." He took the files with him to go over with Stark. Who was pouty when he walked in. "I have no idea about how that stuff works. Can I get you to explain it in little words, Mr. Stark? Or should I go look up her college mentor?"

"He'd have a holy fit if he's sensible. The same as I should." He took the notes to go over, letting him know what and how it had worked. Loki appeared, already shaking his head. "The mirror went with Heimdall."

"It's in our Temple of Light. Which was consecrated to my mother. I came to see the witch to bind her for a few days before she lashes out. Our Academy asked that favor of me for everyone's safety."

"Clint's up erasing her drawings on her floor," Stark offered. Loki raised a brow then huffed but nodded. "Yeah, we think she was going to try it the traditional way."

"That would've caused another incident that brought the First Evil." He grimaced.

"Lord Loki, are you watching over Adrian Lewis?" Agent Woo asked. "I realize who his biological father is and I've heard tales that he's been up on Asgard helping a few battles. I'm wondering if he conned you into it with a poker hand the way he usually uses it to befuddle arms dealers into giving him things."

Loki smirked. "It's a smart question but it's more about watching over his type of magic. He has some power that is...celestial in nature instead of simple nature magic that's most common down here. His father has asked that I give him hints of how to control it when he's older." He walked off looking amused.

"I figured out long ago that weird things happened around the Council," Agent Woo said dryly. "I'm glad I don't have to deal with it or the magical problems they have. Rosenburg is still locked in medical hold by the way. She won't show up here."

"Thank God," Stark said sarcastically.

"She'd want to use the portal to get her former girlfriend back. The one she nearly destroyed humanity over after she lost her."

"Yeah, let's not allow that."

Jimmy Woo grinned. "We do try." He got back to the report. "Do we see any evidence that he's compromised or otherwise dangerous?"

"No more so than usual I guess. They were trained by HYDRA though." He stared at him. "They're blaming me for a Stark Industries bomb destroying their family instead of the people who sent it."

"Okay, we can see if he's a threat outside that by asking him probably. Death does change a person." He bundled it back up. "I'll report to Director Coulson in the morning after I debrief him. Have an easier night, Mr. Stark." He left, going to get some coffee to stay awake in case more things happened suddenly.

Tony Stark shook his head. "An agent who listens, is polite, and doesn't try to break or steal things? I need to steal him. Before they corrupt him."

***

Adrian jumped out at the new guy, waving his plastic sword. "Yar, give me booty!" he shouted.

Jimmy Woo stared at him. "I don't have booty, Adrian. Sorry but they don't pay me enough to have booty. All I have is stuff you shouldn't drink." Adrian pouted. He grinned. "I can get you something from the snack machine if you want." The kid beamed and followed him to point out something candy. Jimmy got him something else candy that was a bit healthier. "Hmm, looks like this came out by accident. Would that work as booty?"

Adrian grinned and snatched it. "Go, ransom!" He ran off with his treat.

He smiled on his way to the infirmary. He ran into Darcy getting something for her headache. "I got him a granola bar that has chocolate."

She shook her head. "He needs to behave today."

"He's adorable. Things like that are good for kids. Maybe he'll become a anti hero sort of pirate." She grinned, going to find her son to nag him. He walked into the infirmary. "Are they up?" The nurse let him into their room. "Good morning. I'm Agent Jimmy Woo from SWORD." He stared at Pietro. "I'm here to debrief you about this."

"I figured you were," he agreed. "SHIELD changed its name?"

"SWORD deals with the weirder things and aliens."

"Oh. Yes, Between would fall into that."

"So does your sister." Wanda glared. He stared at her. "We keep files on all magic users, Ms. Maximoff. Including you and Rosenburg." He looked at Pietro. "How long before you got pulled back?"

"I was there right after death. Before she even realized. I floated after her." He sipped his water. "I found the...copier of me and when he came here it was too good to pass up. Then that one showed up to announce that it was a possibility. Somehow he knew."

"Mr. Harris has visions. He usually only sees apocalypse battles though." He shifted his stance. "Can I record this by the way?" Pietro shrugged so he turned it on and put his phone in his jacket pocket so it could listen for him. "So Xander Harris showed up here?"

"He said he was sent to warn Drs. Foster and Lewis that their devices could breach dimensions or the veil of death. Which got me thinking and I figured something out when I went to make my sister lighten up. She needed some humor." She threw a pillow at him. "You do," he told her, giving her a pointed look. "Also, your plan to attempt that? That's why that town out west got sucked in. It won't work and I cannot allow you to do that," he said in Sokovian. She slumped but nodded. He looked at the agent. "Her grief was making her blind."

"It's happened a lot. People compare her to Rosenburg. She lost her soulmate and nearly destroyed humanity for it. Your sister was losing herself and her mind but only mildly lashing out." He looked at the pouty witch. "The therapist working with Miss Rosenburg is available to you as well. She's worked with the paranormal community before.

"She's already unscrewed what Rosenburg's parents did to her. She's good, and she has her own magic. I can leave her name for you if you want to look into her sometime soon. That way you have someone to talk to that's not involved." He looked at Pietro again. "She told me she'd talk to you as well but she might not be objective when she stared at your butt."

Pietro grinned. "Many women do." He sipped his water. "I thought I needed to put the two devices they had together. But Lewis knew something somehow."

"Her son has magic. She's been researching things her son shouldn't go near in case someone tries since his powers are apparently not normal magic."

"He's very powerful," Wanda said. Her brother threw that pillow back at her, making her finch. "I was not...."

"I would hate that and so would our mother," he assured her. "She told me thus when she wished me to paddle you like I was a dog in a pool." She blanched. He stared at her. "Adrian is as strong as you were, and healthier than any strong magic user should be. Leave him be."

"Yes, I will. I would not want to hurt him. I was only going to siphon some of that energy into my renewal request."

He finished that glass of water and stared at her. "We are not the reason that the world ends, Wanda."

"No, we are not," she agreed quietly. "I..."

He shook his head. "I miss many as well," he said more gently. "Including your innocence. I do not wish to miss you more or any others."

She nodded. "I understand. It's a moot point."

"Good." He smiled at the agent. "Sorry."

"It's good she's got support. Grief goes easier when you have someone to talk to about it." He stared at him. "I realize she was drowning in it, Mr. Maximoff. Most people who watched her did." He shifted some. "If she reaches out, we can help her find people who can help support her healing. SWORD is full of assholes but not that sort. Very few would want to use her and we have Rosenburg available for that first. Some day we may need your sister to counter her plans."

Wanda looked at him. "I am not that sort of magic user."

"No, but your probabilities could help a lot. She's tried to kill the last one who stopped her a few times so maybe you and Harris can work together the next time it's needed."

"We know of Xander. Before Ultron happened, he showed up to take out a demon in our main city," she said quietly. "He was tense and an asshole but he did good and he protected people he didn't even know."

Jimmy Woo smiled. "We like that about Harris. And if he ever goes evil we'll probably be better for it because he'll start with the assholes." She smiled at that. He wrote down a name and number, handing it over. "The therapist working with Rosenburg. She's associated with the coven out of Maine." He stepped back. "If it'll help, great. If not, she might know someone who could help more since she's part of the magical community."

"I...I may talk to her," she admitted.

"Would they care about our given specialness?" Pietro asked.

Jimmy Woo grinned. "Her sister is one of the ones Centipede got but managed to survive. She knows about that too. Her great uncle was IRA at one point in time until his future wife made him leave it. She even understands Loki." Both twins looked impressed at that. He grinned. "So please, if she doesn't work out let us know and we can give you other names to try," he told her. "None of us want you to be suffering, Wanda Maximoff. I hate to see anyone but evil assholes suffering."

She smiled. "I do try not to be one." She looked at her twin, who had snorted. "Only to him."

Jimmy Woo grinned. "Siblings are like that as far as I've been told." He looked at Pietro. "Any qualifications put onto you coming back? Any obligations, any restrictions?"

"To help my twin sister," he admitted. "They were scared of what she would do if she finished going mad." Wanda winced but nodded once. "Our mother requested I paddle her."

"Moms can be that way. No other ones? Anything that would suddenly cause a battle to change?"

"Not that I'm aware of."

"Okay." He made one of his cards appear, handing it over with a grin. "If you should find out, let us know so we can help you mitigate it? We don't need another mass battle being lost."

"I can do that." He tucked that into his t-shirt pocket.

"Thank you. Anything I should include in the report that we haven't covered?"

"I need to restart my life. I'm still officially dead."

Jimmy Woo grinned. "No you're not. We fixed that last night. You have to go get your license or state ID card soon though. So many things take it these days." He turned off the recording feature. "I'll go report this to SHIELD's higher ups. You should be safe here in the tower for now. I'll let you know if I hear of SHIELD being pricks about all this but they shouldn't since SWORD got called in."

"Lewis called for you," Wanda said. "Specifically."

"I like working with her. She doesn't lie to me and doesn't try to cover things up. If it's an accident she'll say that." He shrugged but smiled. "Rest, you two. You probably need it and more talking time." He left, going back to SHIED's base where Hill and Coulson were both waiting. He laid out his report, getting a nod. He told them he had given Wanda that therapist's name. That got a smile from Coulson. He pointed out that SWORD had first dibs on Lewis if she left Foster.

"We'd like to see her somewhere safer," Hill said.

Woo looked at her. "Why? Because she figured out how to work teleportation?" Hill slumped. "She's safer there. And her son is safer." He looked at Coulson. "He's apparently got stronger magic than the average nature witch down here has. Which is why Loki is giving his mother ideas on how to train him."

"One master, one apprentice there always is," Coulson said dryly.

"Yes, but Darcy Lewis will only become a Sith if we harm her child." He grinned back. "Adrian Lewis may well be the next Rosenburg or Summers."

"He's...oh, Dawn," Coulson realized. Woo grinned. "We think?"

"Loki called it celestial powers. So he's drawing on stars or something like that. His Aunt Jane will probably teach him what he can and can't draw from. Oh, that mirror is on Asgard in a temple to Frigga. The Temple of Light Loki called it."

"It's a good place for it," Coulson decided, leaning on his crossed hands. "Could that be what the Sorcerer Supreme worried about?"

"No, I think he worried more about a child with magic. His people seem to come down harder on the young magic users and the female magic users especially. Most of the ones they've bound, who have died of it, were female."

"Oh, dear."

"There's that stereotype that women with power will always be evil," Hill said. Woo nodded. "So he's safe?"

"He's a happy, smart, loved little boy. Why would he need to use his magic on anything that isn't threatening him? If his mother was a bad one I'd worry more about that."

"Loki had a good mom and went bad," Hill said.

"Loki was also tortured." She slumped. "If you look at how he appeared out of the tesseract, it showed him sweaty, shaky, limp, tired, and about to fall over. He was tortured." She grimaced but nodded. "And his life wasn't all that idyllic. Even Thor has put his brother down. I don't think they were close siblings and I'm pretty certain that it's Odin's fault by what I've heard about up there." He pulled up a report for them. "We asked a bard we found down here about stories of Thor and Loki, plus their family, to get better personality profiles. Granted, that's what's in popular media, but that has some truth in it."

They read it and Hill grimaced. "So he was the unwanted son." She handed the phone back. "We could have handled it better when he showed up in New Mexico."

"Yeah, he was working against his rival. It happens when there's a throne at risk." He put his phone up.

"Point. Fine. Did he show up again?"

"To check on Adrian."

"Do we know why?" Coulson asked.

"Someone obligated him. I asked if Harris had gotten him in a poker game like he does arms dealers. Lord Loki looked very amused but his eyes showed I had hit near the target."

"Hmm. So someone near him is making him mentor the child." Hill nodded once. "Fine. We'll leave Lewis alone with her kid."

"Harming her child is the best way to create an origin story for her," Woo agreed, making Coulson flinch. "It nearly happened in London when STRIKE tried to grab the kid. They were amused but did record she picked up the hammer and went after the agent who had her not-yet-crawling son."

"Shit," Coulson muttered. "Can she generally?"

"No, but Harris had a vision about Foster using it apparently. It's on the site he uses to put visions up on. There's a female, blonde Thor in one." He grinned. "Only so many blondes who could get near the hammer."

Coulson moaned but nodded. "I can see that actually. She was brave enough to get into my face."

"And Lewis. Did she ever get back her i-pod?"

Coulson blinked at her. "Good point. That is nearly legendary."

Woo grinned. "Yes it is." He left them to talk. He needed a nap. "I'm stealing the couch in the ready room."

"Go for it," Hill agreed. She looked at her technical boss and old friend. "Lewis...."

"I don't want us to become the reason she turns evil, or her son." He stared at her. "Do we think she won't break down then build something?"

"Point. We'd put her into holding but she'd still manage it. Possibly with Loki's help."

"Or the baby's father." He smirked a tiny bit. "With who that actually is, we'd all die."

She swallowed. "A magic user?"

"Not that anyone's seen." He shrugged. "But I'm aware of it. Agent Woo figured it out. He's worked with him a few times over the last few years."

"Harris?" she mouthed. He nodded. She shuddered. "Yes, we're going to make sure nothing comes near that little family. Before he lets Venom eat me next time." She walked off to make orders. SHIELD really had to leave Lewis alone. Today.

Coulson smiled but made notes on the report so it was closed out.

***
Part 3 by Voracity2
Loki once again appeared, this time sighing and shaking his head. He looked at Jane. "Where's your minion? The ...parental unit of the child is having a weird day and has captured something for his son's future pleasure as a pirate. Or I think that's what he said. All Speak does not translate that sort of Elven very well," he finished sarcastically.

Jane blinked a few times. "He stole a space ship?"

"He rather won it in a poker game I believe. And half a planet as well." He rubbed his forehead. "That boy does give one a great headache."

"Yeah, he does to us too," Jane agreed. She texted Darcy, making her come back from her coffee run.

Darcy walked in frowning. "He won Adrian what?"

"Half a planet and a ship to get him there." Loki stared at her. "He's a bit..demented."

"Is he sick, high, or otherwise?"

"Poisoned." Loki grimaced. "He was once again taking on something for the slayers and this one was worse than usual. They would have easily survived but he does not have self healing gifts."

"Bring him down here so we can have him treated?" Jane ordered.

"They won't. The healers on Asgard cannot and your healers won't due to his job and what he got hit with." Loki looked at her. "We have no idea. Though it is nice he won that after being poisoned." Heimdall appeared holding Xander up. "Are they done with what they can do?"

"Yes. They still cannot weed it out of him." He put the man into a chair. "We hope your healers can do more since they do more physical healing than ours do." He disappeared.

Loki smirked a tiny bit as Stark came in. "He was once again fighting off something for the slayers that they could easily handle but didn't want to ruin their clothes over." Xander moaned. "No, you stay asleep," he ordered. He looked at Stark again. "He got poisoned. Again. He fought most of it off, then had to go do mental battle with something else before the final two treatments could be done. So now it's slightly taken hold of his brain. Which meant he won the child of this lab a space ship and half a planet."

Stark blinked a few times. "Okay. Your healers tried?"

"They did but they do a lot of energy healing," Jane told him. "Glowy tables and the like. Without drugs."

Tony nodded. "Okay, sure. Let's get him to the infirmary. Any chance of space germs?"

Loki shook his head. "They would've already cured those. Our healers are picky because their energies are warped by dirt or dust."

Stark frowned at him. "Why are you helping him?"

"Dawn entailed me to do so," he said bitterly. "She was quite evil when she won that poker game." He smirked. "I'm going to pay her back soon. She will not enjoy that."

"Make her show up to deal with Odin at a family dinner thing," Jane quipped. "It nearly made me smite Odin."

Loki stared at her. Then he grinned. "That's wicked, Dr. Foster. Thank thee for the idea." He smirked as he disappeared.

"Him and Dawn would be a cute couple," Darcy agreed. "Okay, so infirmary," she said, getting up to haul Xander into standing. "Let's go see the doctors who do medicine instead of physics. Before I tell the kid to come fuss at you." Stark helped her walk him down there. "He was fighting a demon, got poisoned, got partially treated, but had to go deal with something else suddenly so the poison wasn't cured. They've knocked him out to keep him from doing more things like winning a space ship in a poker game." The doctors moaned but came to grab him. "That's Harris, from the Council. Their trainer guy."

"Okay," the nurse agreed. "Any known allergies?"

Dacry shrugged. "I never asked. I know he's been exposed to demons for a long time. Not sure if that would matter."

"Okay," the nurse decided, going in there to tell the doctors that. They weren't pleased but one knew where the demonic healers were so they could ask them. What they got told made them mad, but not at the guy. He did heroic things like the guys upstairs. They were used to their brand of stupid.

***

Darcy heard the bad news and sighed, going to talk to someone. She walked into his office, smiling at the woman in there. "Hey, Helga Hufflepuff."

"Really, Dr. Lewis," she sighed, but smiled at that compliment. "I really should be more like Rowena."

"Yeah, but your smarts are for people things. Hers were for book things. Hermione should've been a Ravenclaw."

"True." She hugged her and left with a glance at her mentor.

Darcy shut and locked the door. "I need to talk to your psychic twin side," she said bluntly, putting down three things in front of him.

"I... Haven't been him in years, Lewis. Not since before the chaos incidents and my quickly lamented marriage, which was more chaotic but less evil."

"I know that. And I figured it was from watching the big guy be an idiot hero." She pointed. "The Asgardian healers tried and it messed up something greatly."

He looked the file over, grimacing. "That's...hmm. I can see why you're asking this favor of me."

She grinned. "Well, not like I'd go near Strange and I doubt he could either. You did more theoretical and healing things than surgeries."

"True." He looked at her over the top of his glasses. "And it wasn't trauma related. I saw the master of the double major at work for many years."

She grinned. "I used to think he was weird. And then I met Jane."

Dr. Malcolm snorted, but nodded. "Yes, he is. Still. And a bit evil thanks to something tainting him during his travels. It got a lot of us." He went back to it. "Didn't they balance it out?"

"Apparently not." She sat down and pulled out her phone to show the video she had found of him fighting that thing. "The slayers' self healing would've prevented them from being harmed," she said quietly. "Not sure if he knew that or not." He took it to watch, humming at it. "How do I tell the docs at our infirmary to help him?"

"They need to get a touch healer and the only ones I've heard of are on Asgard. The last one down here got snatched for her own safety."

"We can magically replicate some of that." She got out of that video and into another one. "Him after missing the last two treatments. The girls half said he was kidnaped but a few believed he wandered off. He won Adrian a space ship."

Dr. Malcolm winced. "Wow."

"With his other taints, mostly from the same sort of incidences and one with mermaids, we're not sure where they're going but the doctors find him *fascinating*." She stared at him.

"So do I but I like to stay away from such things before I'm tainted by them like the rest of the band was." He sighed, putting the file down. "This is going to be difficult."

"I can ask Dawn to come help."

"I've talked to her. I'm not amused by what happened."

Darcy grinned. "All the wacky when there's a hell goddess after you from what I've heard. Someday that's a Lifetime movie in the making." He shook his head quickly. "There's even cheerleaders thanks to her sister."

"I've met." He stared at her. "We may be able to rebalance his brain but it might rob him of his memories permanently."

"I'm pretty sure he might be okay with that. He's been moaning over the headache the girls gave him when they called to nag. They were mourning ahead of time and yelling about the need to hold a service for him."

"No, that's not necessary if they do the right things." He sighed. "I can consult," he decided. She grinned. "Are you related to him?"

"Kinda. Almost." She glanced at her lower half then at him. He caught the clue because he moaned. "Yeah. And get this, it was a higher thing's plan since I was on BC, he was snipped and infertile due to mermaid taint, and Adrian still came to be."

"Oh, dear."

"Yup. Actually I'm not sure if they wanted another version of his dad or maybe to recreate your buddy's life."

"That... Oh," he said, sitting up. "With your fields and his... oh, dear. They wanted another Buckaroo."

"Yup, but one with magic." She grinned. "Because he's got magic."

"Buckaroo would hate that," he muttered, shaking his head. He gathered up a few things and that file. "Let's go save him before the doctors there do an autopsy before he's dead. Fascinating is never a good word when said by a team of doctors." She nodded, following him out. It was like old times for her. She even drove him back to the tower. He walked in and nodded at Stark. Who stared back, eyes wide.

"She asked me to remember my old life." He walked in to look at the scans himself, tapping one. "That's energy warping." He looked at the head doctor, who swallowed. "It's almost exactly what happened to Buckaroo after the Eighth dimension trip the third time. Why he went back I have no idea. The second time was to do something diplomatic to cure a problem. The third...we had no idea. But that's what it did to his brain." He looked at the scan again. "We're going to have to drain some energy off."

"Hellmouth energy?" Darcy asked.

"Is an added complication," he assured her, then smiled. "I may have to suck some energy off your son too." He stared at her.

"As long as it doesn't hurt him."

"He may be magically exhausted but for him that would mean feeling like he had the flu."

"As long as it's not worse than that, I'm down with that."

"Good. We'll have to basically rearrange his brain playing energy jenga." The doctor in there sighed. He smirked. "Hi. Yes, I'm Dr. Sidney Zweibel, or New Jersey if you followed the band. I changed fields thanks to watching Buckaroo do his many, many things."

"That explains why you like chaos so much," Stark quipped. "Can it be solved so he doesn't die of it? The kid would probably miss him."

Dr. Malcolm stared at him. "Yeah, it should work. Ninety percent certain. More if I can get someone like Dawn Summers to do a healing spell at the right moment."

"I can ask her," Darcy agreed, nodding as she texted her. "Oh, she's on Asgard. Loki took the suggestion to pay her back for him losing a poker game to her."

"I'm sure her sister's *Thrilled*," Stark muttered, shaking his head.

Darcy grinned. "Well, Buffy is said to date bad boys."

"No comment since her last one was HYDRA," he shot back. "Rogers was not amused! He not only scowled at her when she tried to save him from being arrested but he got to rant like a spinster at her first orgy when no one offered her some fun."

Dr. Malcolm-nee-Dr. Sidney Zweibel-nee-Hong Kong Cavalier New Jersey adjusted his glasses, staring at Stark. "My aunt did that once and just sat there and giggled at them. Turned me off partying in my undergrad completely." Stark laughed, but walked off shaking his head. He looked at the other neurologist. "So, did you want to start with the energy leeching or the poisoning?"

"Can we start the energy leeching with the poisoning?"

Dr. Malcolm nodded. "We can start and it may just help. If it's making him too weak, we'll hold off on the rest of it." He adjusted his glasses again to rub at one eye. "Anything I haven't been briefed on yet?"

"Mermaid taint? Possibly other demon blood exposures?" Darcy suggested.

He blinked at her. "For some reason that doesn't surprise me." He shook his head quickly. "He's the butterfly in that famous saying."

She grinned. "He's the wings on the butterfly in that saying. I know he has a DNA workup somewhere but it's password locked." She moved closer. "What can I do to help?"

"Don't tempt me to ask you to teleport Rosenburg just in case." She smirked, shaking her head. "Okay. Let's work on the leeching problem, people." He clapped his hands as he went to Xander's room. "Hey." He grinned.

Xander blinked at him. "You're that keyboard guy."

"I was. Now I'm also Dr. Malcolm to hide some of that while I studied chaos. You're better at that than even Buckaroo Bonzai is. So we're going to detox some of that from you so we can treat the poisoning."

Xander blinked a few times. "Won't that cause other problems? Anytime I get really sick, the mermaid taint comes up."

"We can weed some of that out too, Mr. Harris." He smirked a tiny bit. "You're more complex than even Lewis can think up." He moved closer. "The treatments for the poisoning?"

"I was kinda floaty feeling when that offer to play some important games to stop an evil space asshole from showing up came up. No one else could and I wouldn't ask Dawn or Faith to try because they'd get hurt."

"Hmm. Noble. Dumb but noble." He gave him a pointed look. "What will they do if you die?" he asked quietly.

"They think they know," he shot back with a grin. "It wasn't an intentional missing treatments."

"Good. I'd hate to see the world bedeviled by the chaos you're keeping down. It might try to stick to Lewis instead." Xander rolled his eyes. "You made her worry. That's not nice." He grinned. "Women like her fuss if they worry. Which will turn her son into a worrier too. So let's weed out some of the energy you're carrying and then we'll work on the anti-toxin."

"They had to guess."

"Great! Do we have a known anti-toxin?"

"I have one of her nails still in my side the last time I knew." He pointed. "Right beside the Mayora bone that broke in my side during a battle against one of their guards."

"You do incredibly weird things," he said, leaning down to look at the area. "I can see the healing cut. We need to excise the piece of bone he got." A nurse brought in a small surgical tray. He grinned at her. "Thank you, Nurse." He scrubbed his hands and came back to carefully excise that area. He found the bone shard. The nail was a few inches away and he dug that out, making Xander hiss. "Sorry, kid."

"Not the worst. I've seen my intestines thanks to an appendix removal."

Dr. Malcolm stared at him. "Your original town's horrible hospital?" Xander grinned and nodded. "I was about to sic something evil on it when I read the stats they put out. I know ones infected by evil and they might've liked that."

"They can't detox them?"

"Not without ruining their minds. That's a fate worse than death for those guys." He stared at him. "Speaking of, if we don't do it right to your energy problems, you could lose some memories."

"I might be okay with that but I'd rather you not."

New Jersey smiled. "It's a possibility, not a certainty. You might not get better without the energy leeching."

"The hellmouth taint always grows back."

"Great!" He smirked. "Maybe we can figure that out too." He patted him on the wrist. "You ready to begin that?"

"I guess. If you are."

"Yeah, not a bad idea." He went to oversee that machine first. Jane Foster was calibrating it for them. "We need to weed down the energy infections he has, Dr. Foster."

"Of course you do." She glanced at him. "I know he's got a few different streams of energy. This is worse than anything you've ever seen probably?"

"Slightly but I've seen some very weird things thanks to my former life." He looked at the machine. "Is that being set for his hellmouth taint or some of the other energy warping?"

"Right now, anything it can suck off him," Jane said honestly. "Then we can separate out the streams." Darcy looked at something that appeared and tazed it, making it scream and run off. "Not nice," she noted.

"Very necessary since that was kinda not a nice being," Darcy shot back.

Xander giggled. "She probably wanted to offer to save me if I'd be her boyfriend, or slave who'd work my way up to her bedroom and favorite slave. I've turned her down a few times already."

Darcy nodded. "Yeah, you deserve an owner who thinks you're more than a happy slave, Xander." He smirked at her. "You do. Women like that would never appreciate your skills outside the bedroom."

"Half of them don't appreciate my skills in the bedroom," he shot back with a smirk. "They think I'm good stress relief, but not great or anything."

Darcy looked at him. "Xander, you made me so sore after an hour, I soaked for a few nights. Damn!" He blushed, ducking his head but grinning. "They clearly aren't worthy of your skills if they can't like them enough to say the same thing."

Jane looked over. "TMI. I don't need that sort of information. Thor doesn't make me that sore."

"He must really be holding back his strength then," Dr. Malcolm quipped. "Otherwise they'd have to deal with the Superman/tissue situation."

Jane looked at him. "He's not that sort of strong. Big thighs, but not that sort."

"Hmm. You'd expect them to be as strong as his arms." He shook his head and got to work on the machine to test the energy being sucked off.

"Miss Lewis?" one of the nurses asked quietly. "Do we need to set you up with an OB appointment perhaps?"

Darcy looked at her, shaking her head slowly. "No. My IUD is still there. One kid's more than enough." The nurse smiled and nodded, patting her on the hand as she walked past her.

Jane looked at her. "I can't imagine you having a daughter."

"I thought Adrian was a girl up until he came out. My mother was really disappointed he wasn't a girl." She shrugged, going in to take Xander's mind off how sick he was.

"I didn't read that she was pregnant with Adrian when she applied for her internship," Jane told Darcy's other mentor. "So she showed up and I got a huge shock but Adrian was a great distraction when science broke down. Even better than tequila. And he totally broke Thor's mind when they met because Adrian tried to pet him. He got very confused by the little baby guy thinking he was a puppy. All Speak can translate baby babble too. Said Adrian called me pretty coffee mommy."

Ian Malcolm smiled, shaking his head. "Darcy's son is amazingly cute, and really strange from the few I've known. But she'll raise him to be a good man."

"She'll kick his ass if he doesn't turn into a good man," Jane assured him, then nodded. "And I'd stand there and cheer."

"If he turns into a total Chad, he's in for it anyway," Darcy called. "Guys, he's looking pale suddenly?"

"Magic's incoming," Xander said. "Since Willow tried to stop me from stopping her I get a bit nauseous at strong magic. So it's probably her."

"Then let's start this before she can interfere," Jane said, pushing the machine in there so they could set it up. "Xander, sign new power of attorney paperwork if she's got yours?"

"Dawn has mine but Willow would try to overrule her and take over," he said, looking at a nurse. "Dawn Summers has my *only* power of attorney but since she's apparently somewhere...." He waved a hand that got captured to be stuck with the machine's tubes. "Darcy can make decisions if I'm out until I'm awake or Dawn shows up." He looked at her. "Don't let them put me in stasis." She nodded. "Hide my body too. I already know the girls would lie about me."

"I can do that." She got out of the way, patting over his hair to keep him calm. They finished setting it up as Willow stomped in. They turned it on and he groaned, holding his ribs, but the machine was sucking out the energy. "You good? Need to have some aleeve?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah. This is like when she sucks hellmouth energy back to the hole." He glared when she walked in. "At least I'm used to this feeling thanks to you trying to kill me by sucking out the hellmouth taint." He looked up at Darcy. "Don't let the kid fuss?"

"He's too little to see this." He grinned and nodded. She petted over his hair, keeping him calm as the machine got fixed and turned back on. Not as much pain this time but less sucking going on.

"We'll have the anti-toxin by tonight," the head doctor of the infirmary said. "I checked and they've already started to fabricate it but it'll take a few hours to finish brewing down." Xander nodded at that, yawning a bit. "You should rest. Like dialysis, it'll take a while to do that and we'll have to do it a few times." He looked at Dr. Malcolm. "Did they ever fix that energy taint your former boss had?"

"No. It twisted something before we realized and they're now all a bit evil. We drained it from one of the guys but it made him even more evil. They ended up taking him in and making sure he couldn't do anything to anyone." He grimaced. "Energy warping isn't anything good for a brain." He looked at Xander. "Yours...."

"It kept me alive," he quipped and grinned slightly. "Not idea why I sucked up so much of the Sunnydale hellmouth. Or the one in Sudan. Because some beings can tell I hovered near there for a long time. Mostly because I was training Samaya."

The doctors both nodded. "Like soil from one area has things that are distinctive to that area," Darcy agreed. He nodded. "We'll see if we can maybe weed it down to where you don't glow in the dark."

"That might be nice but it's great that I don't need a flashlight to go pee in the bushes when I'm camping."

Willow huffed. "What are you doing up here?"

"He's in the infirmary," Darcy said firmly. "If your girls had handled that demon, their self healing would've protected him. Instead they made him go do it and he doesn't self heal."

"There's no cure for that."

Dr. Malcolm cleared his throat. "We've talked to the healers who were treating him before he had to miss the last two treatments to go handle something that your girls should've done, but it was too dangerous at that time. They were certain it'd be able to be weeded out. Right now, we're weeding down the energy taint so we can make sure we get all the poison toxins instead of anything else he may have been exposed to or gotten sick from." Willow glared. He stared back. "Also, he noted who has power of attorney for his wishes, and it was not you, Miss Rosenburg. Miss Dawn Summers is apparently on Asgard for something diplomatic and he's stated she has it, and Dr. Lewis here has it until she gets back." He waved a hand at her.

"Why would she?" Willow sneered.

"Because I'm the nicest and best person he ever slept with?" Darcy shot back, staring at her. "And I haven't tried to kill him repeatedly by sucking his energy back into the hole." Willow huffed and disappeared.

Xander poked her on the arm. "Don't fight with her. It's counterproductive and she'll try to spell you. Plus, she's my oldest friend, Darcy."

She smiled. "And if she wasn't having a problem focusing her eyes, looking very high, it might've been great."

"She was... Oooh," he sighed. He looked at his bedside table so she handed him his phone. He sent a two message text and put the phone on his stomach. "That lets Giles know. Getting high is not good for the girls to see."

Darcy shrugged. "It happens sometimes to some people. Especially warriors. A lot of them on Asgard have a drinking problem."

"Yeah, I've seen that but we like the girls to be innocent."

"We'd all like the girls to not see the bad sides of life," she agreed, petting him again. "They deserve to find a happy life when they can." He nodded. "Rest for now." She could see Willow stomping back with someone. "Mr. Giles," she said with a nod.

"Miss Lewis," he said, staring at her. "Did you perhaps have words with Miss Rosenburg?"

"Yes. Because she nearly killed him and a few of us around here the last time she tried to suck the hellmouth taint back. The whole tower glowed and had to go into lockdown." Giles winced. "Also, if the truth hurts her, then she should probably not do something to make it so. Or be high."

Giles looked at her. "Yes, you are quite blintzed," he sighed. He looked at her. "Adrian?"

"He's in the daycare. I'd never let my kid hover in the infirmary even if I'm in here. He's too young to know about that. Even if he does like Xander's weapons to play with."

"He does?" She grinned and pulled out phone to show him the video of her son petting the axe and petting the battle claws. "Oh, he does." He smiled. "That's adorable." He stared at her. "She does have...."

"No, she does not have power of attorney," Xander said. "Hasn't since high school. Before the graduation battle. Joyce did. Dawn does. Willow does not. Because she's tried to kill me more often than a few of my dates." He glared at her. "And you, behave." He looked at Darcy. "I thought I was an overprotective boob."

She grinned. "I do for friends who can't do for themselves. Ask anyone in SHIELD." He snorted but looked amused. "I'm only filling in until Dawn gets back," she said, waving a hand around. "We know she's on Asgard."

"She's in California!" Willow snorted. She tried to summon Dawn to prove it and moaned, going to her knees. "Oh, no, she's been taken."

"Someone's paying her back for winning a poker game against them by letting her go up to do diplomatic things," Jane quipped. "Hey, FRIDAY, can Thor come down here please?"

"Of course," the AI said patiently. "And he's starting to glow, Dr. Malcolm. Or do you prefer Dr. Dr. Zweibel for this incident?"

"Malcolm's fine. Zweibel was my maiden name." He grinned at the ceiling. "Thank you for asking though." He looked at Jane. "She's nicer than a lot of my students."

"Yeah, she's a lot better than the adult-lacking committee you've got now," Darcy said dryly. "By the way, Hadley? She showed up here to complain that no one suggested she show up to be our intern. Tried to beat Marsha for getting it since she's not in science." He winced. "So Jane and she had a talk and she's got one now with Dr. Korman in Tromso." She grinned. "She'll *love* being up there. All her cute clothes, not that warm, so she'll have to shop."

He winced again. "That poor girl. She hates wearing full pants. Much less warm clothes." He patted her on the shoulder. "You should probably go take care of your blood sugar before you pass out, Lewis."

"I had breakfast. Marsha made sure we both ate, and Pietro." He sighed, shaking his head. "But thanks for worrying I'm turning into Jane." Thor walked in. "They had a question about what Dawn's doing."

"I'm hoping no one's talking her into using magic up there. My father would be most amused but annoyed that she was better at it than some of our own mages." He smirked at Mr. Giles. "I'm sure she is behaving like a lady. She does when it's not a poker game."

"Is that how she met Asgardians?" he asked.

Thor smiled and nodded. "She won many games against both myself, my brother, and a few of my battle friends. Including entailing my brother to check on Darcy's son to make sure he's safe for her."

Xander snickered. "Adrian is a cute little guy."

Giles looked at him then at Darcy, who nodded. "Adrian thinks he's a neat hostage. He's trying to be a pirate recently so he's tied him up to demand ransom of poptarts and shiny things." The AI put up a video of that one. Dr. Malcolm snickered at that whole video. She grinned at him. Then at Xander. "I think I figured out why. I have the feeling his friend being energy warped left a hole."

Xander considered then sighed but nodded. "Yeah, that could be. Your brains, my skills....yeah, that sounds like it might be the idea after all." He checked, but Willow had missed that talk. He looked at Giles again. "Apparently those with self healing skills wouldn't have been poisoned. Yet, I still got appointed to sacrifice myself for the ones with healing gifts."

Giles winced. "I do not believe they meant it that way, Xander."

He stared at him. "The girls can't possibly handle it, Xander! It's mean and poisonous. You're the only guy who can handle the big sword to take it out," he mimicked.

Giles sighed but nodded. "I hadn't heard that part." He glared at Willow. "Buffy?"

"Sandra. And then Buffy agreed."

"Hell. No, if the girls had taken it on they might have gotten a bit ill but not poisoned. I thought you handled it because none of the girls there could do so."

"I had Sandra, Buffy, and Elizabeth, Giles."

"Oh, shit," he muttered. "I'll be asking them myself later. Because you're not a slayer and should not be handling things a slayer could if she's there. Not to put your skills down but they do use swords easier than you do with your shoulder pull last year."

"If I die, all my shit, including my owed wishes, goes to Adrian." He looked up. "I know you heard that."

An imp showed up. "We may not. He is not to be touched."

Darcy smirked. "You sure about that? My son? Really?" The imp whimpered as he disappeared. A new demon appeared. "Really?"

"Some of those may not be passed on, Harris."

"Bullshit. I inherited them."

"We...there is not a relationship...." Darcy pulled up that video to show him. "Oh, that child. We are forbidden from aiding him with anything like a wish."

"Then his mom gets them," Xander said with a smirk. "If I die, everything I own goes to Darcy so she can pass them on to her son."

The demon winced, looking up as the magically binding vow bell went off. "Oh, dear." He disappeared to let others know. That woman was not one he wanted to see have powerful wishes.

Darcy hugged him around the head. "I'll let the kid use them when he's old enough to need them and able to reason the consequences."

"Cool." He patted her arm. "Fussy." He smirked.

"Hell yeah. Adrian's pediatrician wanted him to have a sibling. You'd make a cute kid." Giles spluttered.

Willow hopped up. "He's infertile," she sneered. "How dare you try to talk him into bed. Hussy!"

Darcy looked at her. "I've already been in a bed with him, Rosenburg. He was great at it. If he ever wanted to try it again, I'm down with that but I'm not having more kids. I can tease him about that though."

"If she has a daughter, it'll be stubborn enough to end the world," the local doctor complained. "Her son certainly is."

Darcy grinned and nodded. "Yes he is. He loves being like his Auntie Jane."

"That makes him a good boy, usually," Jane quipped. "Though he's been demanding ransoms again, Darcy." Darcy sighed loudly. "Have fun talking to the baby pirate."

"I won a pirate ship she can give to him," Xander quipped with a smirk for Jane. "He can take you with him."

"I hate boats," Jane admitted.

"Well, it's a space pirate ship," he offered then smirked because Jane moaned in that special tone that made Thor nearly moan back. "And some of a planet for him to play on too."

Jane blinked at him. "That's mean," she said. "I can't just go into space with Darcy and the kid. Darcy gets seasick."

"Darcy would get space sick," Thor noted. "The healers who examined her to make sure she didn't bring any germs said she would."

"Great. I can't let Jane take him by herself. He'll tie her up and fly toward a sun or something."

"I don't think I could babysit that long," Jane said. "So that's mean to tease us, Xander."

"You can help me learn to use it if I get better," Xander quipped with a smirk.

"You'd better get better. I'll bring you back to life so you have to bring me," Jane pouted, walking off.

"We'd have to set up a lot of machines to measure the energies and everything else," Darcy said.

Dr. Malcolm stared at her. "I'd want notes for the one that'll want to follow your work when you die of it."

"Of course." She hugged him around the arm. "I had such hopes that Janice would follow me."

"Yes, but she ran from science when she made that hallucinogenic gas that made her have visions about what people would use her for. She's still in hiding."

Xander looked at him. "We have exercises to help her with visions."

"She knows. She found them before she ran because she saw the government coming to find her for them."

"Yeah, they're the same people who the Supreme court told me to blow up if they came for me again."

Dr. Malcolm smiled. "I'll have to let her know that. And maybe get her in with my former coworkers. They might appreciate that." He sent someone an email from his phone. He noticed Willow coming back and stepped out of the way, bringing the doctor and Darcy with him. Willow stomped in and tried to hit Darcy, who decked her. She tried to pull up magic but a tazer worked against witches. Then the nurse sedative darted her. "Hmm. I wasn't sure if sedatives worked on them."

"It tends to make them bleed psychedelic colors and maybe spiral out of control," Xander said. "It could get very messy if they start that. We know not to use thorazine for that. But minor ones just make pretty colors paint the walls like psychic vomit. Including Maximoff if it ever comes up. Or Strange."

The nurse smiled, making that note. "Thank you, Mr. Harris. That's something we might need to know in the future." She dragged Willow off to put her into a room of her own. "She should wake up in a few minutes, Mr. Giles. We didn't use anything too strong." She went to make notes on Rosenburg's problems that had almost caused an incident. They didn't need an Avenger in here for a magical battle.

Xander looked at his boss. "So, why did she bring you?"

"She said your current evil girlfriend was trying to usurp her place in your life, and trying to force bad treatments onto you."

"He's fully awake so able to make his own decisions," Darcy said. "I'd only have to step in if Dawn wasn't here and he was unconscious."

"I know. I have that bit of paperwork myself." He looked at Xander. "I'll talk with her."

"Don't let the coven do it or give her another cat?" Xander quipped.

"No, I don't believe that would be a good idea." He went to talk to his errant witch. She really had stepped in it this time and had upset Xander.

Darcy petted Xander again. "Let me go check the lab. Call if you want me to come fuss?"

"I can do that." She kissed him on the temple and left him to rest and heal.

Dr. Malcolm smiled at him. "You are fascinating in both the bad medical way but also as a human being. I really should encourage one of my students studying chaos to study your life." He made a few notes and nodded at the doctor. "Let me know if you need more help from me."

"I can do that, Dr. Malcolm." They shook hands and the other guy walked off. He looked at his patient. "You certainly have some impressive contacts, Mr. Harris. And very helpful ones. I'm sure you'll get well very fast." He went to check his other patients. "We'll be back in an hour. Try to rest."

"I can try." He shifted to get comfortable, waiting on the next Willow attack to happen. It'd probably be crying or trying to bad talk Darcy. Thankfully he fell asleep before she woke up.

***

When they let Xander out of the infirmary, healthy and without a lot of energy tainting him, he nearly skipped off. And ran right into Agent Woo. Xander stared at him oddly. "Dude, why does SHIELD want to know?"

"I'm SWORD and Rosenburg turned you in for dealing with alien things."

"SWORD is SHIELD's nerdy little brother so same family. Yeah, I stopped a few of them from invading. And this last time I played some poker with one to keep him from trying to claim a few of the slayers as his new harem." He shrugged slightly. "Frankly, she's back in junkie land."

Jimmy Woo smiled. "We noticed and had her drug tested against her will. She failed. Majorly. She threw such a fit even Sorcerer Strange finally noticed and came to tell her to stop it." Xander winced. "He's in a huge crystal flower. She's in the hospital again." Xander winced more. "It was a great thing you got to miss. I just need to hear about the poker game, who it was with, and how befuddled you made him." He grinned. "And yeah, I know why you visit here beyond finding people with sanity."

"I never talk to anyone but Darcy and Jane really."

Jimmy stared at him oddly. "Dude, they're just like you only a few have powers. Talk to the other heros to get some support going? You could use a guy's point of view sometimes, Xander." He grinned. "Before you turn into that flaming asshole you were last year when you got back from the bards' college on Asgard."

"I think I was more flaming than asshole," he said but he grinned. "And they don't see me that way either."

"Bullshit. Talk to the people. Maybe get the girls some mentors?"

"Yes, we'd like them to have some before they show up at one of our battles in skimpy shorts or skirts and heels again," Stark called over the PA for the hallway. "Even Rogers got horrified by their apparent uniform of clubbing clothes for battles."

Both guys looked up and waved. "That's Buffy's fault. Make her stop it," Xander quipped. "Please make her quit. She's been creeping out the foreign slayers again with her clothes." He looked at Jimmy again. "Remember the blue guy and his girlfriend?"

"Yeah."

"Her people's prince, who is not really one but he kinda owns the land thanks to a game. He wanted to get out of control of things and wanted a new girlfriend. I saved Sanya and Theresa from him being flirty and saved his people from him dealing with things. They know about the slayers thanks to bards sharing stuff." He rolled his eye and shifted his weight. "But that does leave me with a continent and a ship to get there. I'm giving them to the shiny pirate Adrian." He smirked.

"I noticed, Xander," he said quietly. "It's cool. And if something happens I'd tell you." Xander nodded. "Frankly, Lewis is rated 'don't annoy, she'll hurt you' in the SHIELD and SWORD files." He grinned.

Adrian ran up the hall. "Yarr! Give me my booty!"

Both guys stared at him, then Xander grinned. "Sorry, you already stole all of mine, Adrian. I have to go home to get you more."

"Kitties?" he demanded. "Sharp pirate kitties?"

"Not on me, little dude. I'm just out of the hospital. They're.... Somewhere."

"Elibetta sent your stuff to the local slayer house when Mr. Giles asked them to. And the stuff in Caracas came too from what I was told." He looked at the boy. "All I have are magic rings." He produced his practice set to let him play with them. "They magically come apart." Adrian looked then hummed as he walked off staring at them. Jimmy grinned at Xander. Who grinned back. "He's a good little guy."

"Yeah, he is." He stretched. "I said I'd give the little dude the ship so he could take his auntie out to space."

"Awww. They'll love that. Thor could probably help."

"Probably."

Dawn appeared with a huff, still in a gown. "Why were you sick?" Jimmy pulled up video to show her. She stared then she hit Xander on the arm hard enough to make him yelp.

"Hey, mean!" Adrian yelled, running back. "No mean! I yell!"

Dawn cooed. "You're so adorable, Adrian. Someday I want to adopt kids as cute as you are." The boy grinned. "And if I'm mean to him, he deserved it."

"You have to do it for us. We can't use the sword it'd need to fight it, Xander," Xander mimicked. Dawn winced. "Yup. I've already had to note I wasn't dead to Cleveland's city people in a few offices. Your sister put an announcement in the papers." She winced. "Willow showed up, high as hell, to nag me about handling it for the girls and getting hurt. Then brought back Giles when Darcy stepped in to protect me."

"Is she still human?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "The nurses in there darted Willow."

"Ooooooh. Pretty colors come out?"

"Didn't last that long." They shared a look. "I need to go kick some ass."

"I can go with you. I'm escaping Odin trying to sell me into marriage because I've got strong magic. I've seen about every mage up there recently. I *swear* I don't want another magic user to date. But...." She waved a hand. "It's Odin's laws since I was up on diplomatic stuff."

Xander stared at her. "You could've used the emergency plans, Dawn."

"I nearly did but I didn't want to cause an international incident when I poisoned someone." She pouted. "That bit of apologizing would suck."

"It would," Xander agreed, giving her a one-armed hug. Adrian grinned and snuggled in too since the one he liked was hugging this one. Dawn picked him up to cuddle. Of course, Willow appeared.

"Is that your child?" Willow demanded. "How could you, Xander!"

"Shut up, Willow. Dawn doesn't have any kids. He's a local kid who wanted a hug." He put Adrian down. "Go hide, little dude. Tell Mommy?" Adrian nodded, running back to his mom and auntie, and maybe even Uncle Thor. Willow hit them with magic but Dawn had shielded them. Xander sighed. "Willow, what has taken your mind this time?" She tried to blast him so he punched her. She got up with a shriek and pulled up more magic. Woo had set off his emergency beacon while puling up an energy shield his people had created. Stark Security and SHIELD agents were already responding. And then there was Wanda Maximoff.

"Did they take your child?" she asked Willow.

Xander stared at her. "Maximoff, step off," he growled. She smirked at him. "Really. Step the fuck off. You're messing with my kid now," he said in Spanish, making her flinch back. "Do you want me to do it to yours?" She backed off, behind Willow. "Dawn, home. Before you have to do something large and bring down the building?"

"I'm good," she said, staring at Willow. "Defending won't hurt anyone." Willow sneered and tried to attack her. Wanda stepped in to help. Xander stepped in the way of part of it and Willow smirked so he let out the remaining hellmouth taint on her. The both of them started to glow, and scream, and fell down holding their heads. "Wow. Hellmouth taint for the win!" She put a shield around them and nodded. "Yeah, that won't work."

She looked up. "Clara!" she yelled. "Come get your student of stupid!" Clara, from the coven, showed up looking startled. Dawn pointed. "Tried to attack me and Xander! And somehow walked another witch across the line too! Attacked us, the agent, and the child that was giving us a hug, here in the hall in Avengers tower!" She stomped a foot. "Xander had to release more hellmouth taint on them."

"Oh, dear." She looked at the two witches. "Well, one doesn't quite have magic."

"She does, it's a different stream and more of a probability thing," Xander said, shifting to lean against a wall. "I'm barely out of the infirmary, Clara."

"I can feel you're tired. And Dawn does look adorable." She looked her over. "A bit fancy for this time of day, Dawn."

"I was on Asgard. Loki pulled me up for a diplomatic thing to punish me for winning against him in a poker game and Odin tried to have me married off because I have magic. I'm escaping all the mages before I have to prove I'm better."

"Oh!" She stared at her. "Should we perhaps...find you an emergency room?"

"Nope. Nothing like that happened. I've been wooed by the mages in other ways. The only one that tried to get gropey didn't like his hand disappearing. It's now attached to his butt." She grinned. "By the way, thank Milia for teaching me that spell?"

"Oh, of course!" She smiled and nodded. "Let me get Willow back to the other girls."

Xander put a hand on her arm. "Willow has been super high recently."

"She failed a drug test yesterday," Jimmy Woo said. He pulled up the results to show her.

The witch stared then nodded once. "All right then. We clearly need to have a few talks with Willow. And this other one is...."

"Wanda Maximoff," Xander said. "Tried to say a kid was Dawn's when he's not. He just wanted a hug."

"Dear, we'd know if Dawn had children. She'd be dead." She huffed then sighed and nodded. "Yes, we'll talk to them both." She stared at the young man walking her way. "Interesting. You feel of the Little People."

"He's her twin," Dawn said.

"He got brought back to life by Between," Xander added.

"That's charming." She tested him and nodded. "Back fully and healthy. Dear, your sister is being a bit of a pain in the ass. The coven would like to perhaps talk to her."

"I saw on the cameras. The AI let me see. Yes, she could use some mentors." He looked at Xander. "I will hoard that secret as well." Xander grinned. "Does he like stuffed friends?"

"And the Hulk and weapons," Darcy said as she came up the hall with Thor. "Hey, Dawn." They shook hands. "Can you take down the shield?" Dawn looked then took it down. She stared at Wanda, who was mostly awake. "You know who Adrian is considering you tried to harm him once." She smiled. "Try it again." She looked at the witch. "The child in question is mine."

"Awww. That's sweet, dear. He was hugging?"

"Yeah, he loves Xander's weapons. He had some battle claws my son adopted as a shiny pirate kitty." She showed her that video. The witch went 'awww'. "He was giving them a hug when Willow showed up."

"I like the little dude. He's a nice little kid," Xander agreed.

"Well, that's adorable of you, Xander. Maybe you'll settle down with someone nice?"

"Yeah, because nice people really like me," he said dryly. "Darcy's about the nicest there was."

"She's gotten a few agents who were bothering them," Jimmy said. "I'm Agent Woo with SWORD, ma'am. We're on to handle alien and witch problems." He made a card appear with a smile.

"That's adorable. Were you the ones that put Willow in a hospital?"

"Yes, I was." He stared at her. "She could probably go back if that'd help you guys clean her up."

"I think we can dry her out easily enough." She looked up then at him. "If not, we'll gladly call." He let her take the card with a nod and a grin. "And perhaps we can help the other one."

"She was a twin who lost her other half," Darcy said quietly.

"Ah! Yes, that would break most people." She looked at the twin, who shrugged. "Well, we can easily mentor the young dear. That's one purpose of the coven, to mentor young witches who have some problems. We've brought Willow back from a black magic addiction." She pulled the twin closer. "Come along. She'll do better with your help." The coven brought the four of them back together.

Darcy sighed, leaning against a wall. "Wow." She looked at Jimmy then at Dawn. "Think she'll come back? I need to go have a bit of a stress break."

"Probably not for hours," Dawn said.

"That'll be more than enough time." She punched Xander on the arm. "The kid'll show up in a few minutes if Jane can't distract him with coffee and pop tarts." She walked off. She was on the elevator when the tower went into lockdown because Willow had shown back up. And tried to attack Dawn and Xander. She looked up. "Let me go hide with the kid, FRIDAY." The elevator let her off on the lab floor. Jane let her in but relocked the door after her.

Upstairs, another magic user was showing up, a certain sorcerer supreme. "What are you doing!" he demanded. "The Vishanti would not approve of their skills being used that way."

Willow stared at him. "Poser!" She sent magic at him, knocking him back. "And you think you're the magic police?" She turned to deal with him, which was a bad idea. Dawn was bleeding from a cut on her side. Xander was injured again. Agent Woo was being held against a wall. But Xander and Dawn weren't standard and Xander had a dagger. Dawn took it to coat in her blood, and cast a spell down the blade before stabbing Willow on the arm. It made her scream and fall down crying but also the portal sucked her in.

Dawn looked at the sorcerer, shrugging some. "Okay. Let's all calm down. Let me get stitches. Let me ...tell Giles I had to relocate Willow to a mystical realm of dwarves." She sucked in a breath and let it out slowly. "Xander, touch the spells on him?" Xander did and the bonds dissolved. The random magic floating around got gathered by Dawn and put into a nearby flower vase. She stared at the staring sorcerer. "Yes, I'm Buffy's little sister. I'm with the Council. Don't come near me. Thank you and have a nice day." She looked Xander over. "Need help?"

"I'm fine. You need stitches. Now." He pointed at the infirmary, making her nod and go in there. He looked at Jimmy, shrugging. "No clue. But dwarves won't put up with her." He pulled out his phone to call. "Giles, Xander and Dawn. Willow decided to attack us. Twice. She's been ported to some dwarves apparently. Dawn, Giles. Not like I've built a teleporting machine. Don't tempt me though. I know someone I can ask to make me one. Andrew would *adore* it for vacation time."

He listened. "No. Dawn's getting stitches. I'm exhausted. The portal thanks to Dawn's magic on my ritual dagger sent her to where Dawn said were dwarves. Ask me later about dwarves, Giles. I've admired them for years." He listened. "Clara had come to gather her, and the Maximoff twins because the witch of them tried to help her to screw up things. Then Willow showed back up with intent to destroy something. And she's *still* higher than hell." He listened.

"Great! If she shows up maybe she'll be sober and back on the side of good. Like when Angel came back from hell." Jimmy stared at him oddly. "I'll share that over beers the next time you have to debrief me about a battle, Jimmy." He listened again. "No, Agent Woo from SWORD, Giles. He does most of the debriefs about battles for them because he's polite with us and knows how to talk to regular people." He listened, leaning against the wall.

"I have no idea. I just handed Dawn my dagger and she crafted the magic. She said dwarves. I'm hoping they aren't seeing it as an invasion. Yup, them. I guess. Dawn might've been thinking D&D dwarves for all I know. Stitches in her side. Willow threw a magical dagger at her chest and Dawn managed to deflect it but it still got her side. Thankfully we're right outside the infirmary at Avengers tower. Yeah, I'm escorting her back so I can prove I'm still alive, no matter what Buffy told everyone. Thanks!" He hung up and looked up then sighed and looked at Jimmy.

"We can recruit you," Jimmy offered with a grin. "Actual paycheck, medical's covered, you'd still be dealing with all the wacky stuff. You can even fall in for battles with the girls, Xander. Starting pay's like twenty-eight a year before taxes."

Xander hugged him, clapping him on the back. "Don't tempt me. Really. Just...don't tempt me that way." Dawn came out. "He's trying to sweettalk me into working for SWORD."

Dawn looked at him. "I've got a dual languages master nearly done if that'll qualify me."

Jimmy grinned. "That could actually be very helpful since we deal with alien and magical problems."

"Kree isn't that hard to learn," she admitted, considering it. "Let me get pissed at my sister again?"

"Gladly. Just call and I'll gladly come with papers and the rule book so you can read it ahead of deciding." He grinned. "Should we escort you to the airport?"

"Portal makers," Xander quipped. "Takes a lot less time. No TSA demanding I take out my fake eye." He looked at Dawn. "No questioning why you're wearing a gown or have blood on you." She looked and sighed then changed it into something cleaner and repaired. "Cute." Dawn smirked at him. "Let's go find a demon bar."

"Six blocks," Jimmy said with a point. "They're a poker circuit place."

Xander grinned. "Thanks, man. See you in April probably." Dawn patted him on the arm as they walked off together. The other agents let them go since they had been defending themselves. Only Hill got in the way. Xander stared at her. "What?"

"What realm and type of dwarves? Will they see that as an invasion attempt?" she asked bluntly.

Dawn shook her head. "Forgotten Realms sort of dwarves instead of Asgardian ones." She grinned. "Real salt of the earth sort of dwarves who mine." Hill shivered. "And they shouldn't but ...well, that kinda depends on Willow. Huh?"

"It probably would. If we have to, we'll apologize for her."

"I can do that. It was that or a bottomless lake. I hear Lake Champlain is nearly bottomless in a few areas. Plus there's supposedly a Loch Ness monster sort of being she could search for." They got onto the elevator and left together. The demons in the bar stared in awe when they walked in. "Going home, people. Xander's not sick. I'm back from diplomatic stuff on Asgard. Willow's in the Forgotten Realms." She smirked a tiny bit. "Anyone here able to make a portal for us?" They got them home and spread that news.

"Dawn, your aura is flashing," Xander said since he was behind her. "You should probably go meditate as soon as you get back under the shields."

"I can do that." They stepped through after paying the guy. The bar on that side erupted into noise. "Hey!" she shouted. "Stop it! Just got done dealing with a Rosenburg fit. We're both exhausted and heading for the house." They settled down and one tested them. Dawn stared at him. "I know, I had to send Willow off. She was halfway back to scary Willow again."

"You read of aliens."

"I was on Asgard doing diplomatic things. Odin tried to have me married off." She grimaced. "I don't want to date a magic user though."

The demon nodded his head stalk. He looked at Xander, who shrugged. "Just out of the hospital."

"That makes sense. Have a good rest. The cabs are running slow tonight but the girls are on patrol."

"We can hitch a ride," Dawn said, patting him on the shoulder. "Thanks. We'll see you guys in a few days." They left together. The local patrol group would only be a block away and the slayer house was only four. They'd get there easily enough. Even being exhausted. Dawn basically walked in, fell onto a couch with a sigh, and fell asleep. Xander stretched out in a chair and did the same thing since it was quiet. They could hear Andrew humming something to his cooking and Giles complaining at someone in the library. So nice, peaceful, and quiet for now.

Giles came out of the library and paused, smiling at the duo in the living room. "Good. Andrew, do we know what's happened this time?"

"They sent us the footage from the hallway and both of Willow's fits." He came out to stare at them. Xander got covered by the specially charmed blanket with the peaceful sleep spell on it. Giles made sure Dawn was fine. Andrew let him see the video and Giles sighed but nodded. "That makes sense and we'll apologize to those dwarves if we must." He went to talk to the senior Council people. "Do put this up so they can see it, Andrew."

"Yup, can do that." He downloaded it on the laptop that ran the projector, letting Giles run it once it was done.

One of the older watchers huffed. "If Dawn did bring back a potential spouse who had magic, I don't think most of us would mind."

"I'll let her know that," Giles said patiently. "The agent is one we've seen after battles to debrief the girls." They nodded they had seen him before. "I should ask him if we're missing any battle reports on Xander." He made himself a note then looked at them. "We should prepare an apology to the dwarves for Willow."

"Clara called up sobbing. Willow knocked them out," another one said, rubbing her forehead. "They're fine but Willow blinded them with a flash of magic and it knocked everyone out. But that set of twins." She looked at him. "Who are they?"

"Avengers team members," Andrew said as he walked in. He pulled up the demon community profile on them. "She's got a few powers, and she's powerful, but broken. He's newly revived thanks to Between. They were twins and that's part of what broke her." The others sighed but nodded at that. "He came back to help her." The witch on the council just nodded at that. "That one woman's job with her coworker is rebuilding portal things so from the rumors they used a portal to send him when he tried to use their stuff in a way that would compromise people."

"The ones who lord over Between would know if it was necessary and it's safer," the witch agreed. "They would not send him back if there wasn't a purpose. With a twin that was having such issues, that's reasonable to me." She looked and frowned. "Is that the one that sicced that green being on that city?"

"Yeah, she's got mind screwing abilities," Andrew agreed. "She mind screwed the Hulk to let him destroy things so she could get away from the Avengers team." The witch moaned. "She really needs a mentor." He grinned.

"Yes, she clearly does. Do they know Xander?"

"Yeah. Before the battle in their homeland, Xander had been there to take out a demon."

"Good. Maybe he can mentor the chippy." She looked at the computer, running it back. "That child..."

"Is the one Sorcerer Strange wanted to bind and she went to court," Andrew said, making her smile and nod. "His mom's the dark haired one that hugged Xander. That Willow was trying to attack."

"Great!"

"And she helps deal with portals."

"Ah." She sucked in a breath. "Magical?"

"The child, yes," Giles said. "And the PTB made sure he came to be through multiple forms of birth control. We ran into her and the baby when we were up to make the peace treaty. We tested him then. He'll be a bit powerful but he's a good boy. Who apparently likes pirates."

The other watchers grinned at that. He was adorable. "Xander could probably teach him how to do that sort of career with class and skill," one of them quipped. "I'm sure he's met a few who didn't have those skills."

"Yes but he rather took them down to get away from them," Giles said, pulling up that report for them. It got a few groans. "How would we deal with Willow when she gets sent back?"

"She was using illegal drugs by that talk from the agent," the witch said, looking at him. "We may have to finally find a way to bind her."

"I'd rather we not torture her but restricting her I can gladly see. To defense and battle situations only would be most pleasant, Naomi."

"I'll see what we can do. With an additional out for healings." She sent a message and got one back. "The girls are already writing out that ritual." She smiled at him. "They'll attempt it as soon as she's back." Giles smiled and nodded. "Is Dawn healthy?"

"She's not physically bleeding. She'll have to unchange the clothes later so she can have it repaired and sent back I'm sure." The others nodded and made the notes they needed, going to file the report in the history books and their journals for future references.

***

Loki looked at the pile of clothes that appeared next to him on the couch. The note on top gave a thank you for the lending, she had the outfit cleaned, and a real seamstress had repaired the rip Willow had caused by attacking her. He reread it, looking confused. But it was nice it was appreciated. He sent it with one of the maids, so she could store it back in the lost clothes closet. She tutted over the rip so he let her see the note.

"Aye, the seamstress was decent enough," she agreed. She smiled. "Nice of her to have it cleaned as well. Very kind, that girl was." She left him to his book.

Loki shook his head but was amused. Especially since a few of those mages who wanted into Dawn's outfit with her had asked him to suggest their suits to her. "Quite unusual. But amusing."

***

Darcy watched her son float something, though he looked very confused about why his poptarts were floating. "Son, maybe you should put them on the table," she said with a point. He scowled at her. "It's not us doing it. That's you doing it. Put them down?" She got up to grab them from the air, putting them in front of him. She checked his bracelet, no glow from any magic. "Maybe it's not you." She pulled out an energy sensor to check. No, it wasn't him.

She set off a white noise generator, which distracted the magic. Adrian just ate his snack before they floated off again. The magic tried to come back so Darcy scowled. "Not. Going. To. Happen." It quit. "Thanks." She patted her lap, letting Adrian run over to cuddle her for a story. "Such a good boy." She read him the report she was typing up on their experiments. He got happy with that.

The magic tried to come back but she glared up at the ceiling. Her taser went beside her on the desk, making Adrian oooooh over that. He loved her tazer. Jane walked in, frowning at the sight of the tazer. Then she noticed something floating that shouldn't be. "His?" she asked with a point at the pads of paper.

"Nope. His bracelet isn't glowing at all." She smiled at Jane. "We can read it on the energy meter."

"That's good." She got the meter to watch the readings, finding it was fairly small. "Do we think they're missing their target? Or is the floating incidental?"

"It started with his poptarts and he was standing over there. No idea if it's just stuck there or where it's coming from." She shrugged, going back to reading the articles to her son.

Jane just nodded, keeping watch on it. They couldn't do anything with the weird energy fields going on. Jane noticed their plants were growing quickly and put them into the hallway for now. Before they mutated and ate something important. Darcy just shook her head but she kept Adrian out of the way.

***

Darcy leaned into Tony's lab. "For some reason we've had a lot of external magic going on in the lab upstairs that's missed and been floating some of our papers for us."

"Who's above your lab?" he demanding, tossing down his stylus and following her back to her shared lab. The floating things were still floating. "Who's upstairs? FRIDAY? Who's doing this?" He looked at Darcy. "Not the sprout, right?"

"No, he's upstairs with Clint. We thought it might be trying to spy on him but it stayed when we evacuated him to watch some PBS."

"Okay. We're sure it's from upstairs?"

"The monitor says it appears about ten feet up," Jane offered, turning around to point at the energy meter. "Isn't that Hilia?"

"No," Darcy said, shaking her head. "She's off to the left." She pointed. "Right above that area is a supply closet."

"Great." Tony went up to check, and run a diagnostic on his AI since she hadn't answered. He ended the program bothering his system, and found an unconscious person in the closet. Who was floating. He got the medical team up there and went to check with security. She had went in there to talk to someone on her phone. No one had went in with her or joined her. So maybe she had unreleased magic and that had happened? He'd figure that out later, once he made sure his people were okay. And the kid. Because he didn't want him hurt.

***

Darcy came back from a date, a second date actually, and was bummed. "He wants to be close to the kid, which is nice but he's insistent that I should have already introduced them and Adrian should already be calling him daddy."

Jane looked up from her reading, shaking her head. "We dumped him, right?" Darcy nodded quickly. "Nothing wishy-washy?"

"No. I pointed out that my kid wasn't going to meet anyone I hadn't been out with at least ten times so he couldn't get attached. He's decided we're soulmates. So I got up and left. I paid for my order and just walked off." Jane grinned at her. "I need someone good, but damn!" She flopped down with a sigh. "He do okay?"

"He did fine. He ate the food you fixed, he had a fun time in the bath, he went down with a story from Clint because he was avoiding Steve nagging him about his coffee intake again." She curled up some, looking at Darcy again. "He did good. He's used to you leaving him in daycare."

"I know but I feel like I fail each time I do."

"Your mom had babysitters."

"Yeah, she did." She huffed, looking up the hallway. "Someone's already got the sneaky gene." Jane turned her head to look at the little boy, who was sneaking toward the kitchen. He didn't notice them watching him but he made it into the fridge to grab a yogurt tube. "Midnight snack?" Darcy called. He squeaked and dropped the tube he was trying to rip open with his baby teeth. She got up to grab him and the tube, nudging the door closed with her hip as they went back to the couch. She opened the tube with her teeth and let him suck it down. "You should probably be in bed, son."

He grinned at her. "Nope!"

"Uh-huh. After this, bed. Again." He pouted but oh well! He finished up, let her help him brush his teeth again, then got tucked back in. Darcy walked off shaking her head. She heard something and looked back there, going to take the phone from him. "No stealing Auntie Jane's phone," she said patiently. "She can never find it regularly, much less when you hide it. Sleep, Adrian. Please?"

"Boy?" he asked, staring at her.

"Yes, you're a boy. The boy I saw earlier, nope. You don't need to meet him." She walked back to the living room to give Jane her phone then went to change into jammies. She came out to take the phone and get rid of the PBS that Jane couldn't end. Jane tucked the phone into her shirt pocket and got back to her book.

Darcy made them something to drink and flopped back down again. Adrian snuck into her room but ran off squealing because something scared him. They went to look and Darcy got to call the security team. Who had clearly delivered something to them earlier since Jane hadn't given her the stuffed skeleton creature in her corner.

Happy, Tony's former driver and now head of security, came out to look at her. "Did you see it earlier?" he asked.

"I was just in there and didn't see it," she admitted. "It's creepy and I should have."

He nodded. "Cameras show it just appeared." Darcy winced. "I know it wasn't the kid's doing. Boyfriend?"

"Second date and I walked away from him because he was getting pushy about Adrian meeting him and calling him daddy already. I paid for my dinner and hiked it."

Happy nodded. "Can we do a background check on him?" She grinned and nodded. "Could he have magic?"

"I have no idea. I don't have any so I can't tell and I don't know what to look for. Yet. I'm going to be asking someone about things like jewelry themes."

"Okay, share when you get that. As far as I know they just wear weird things like capes." He went to check on his team, who were stunned by the stuffed skeleton. "It's magical," he called. "It's stunned the two guards."

Darcy went to get something, handing the can of hairspray and lighter over. "Can we burn it and not do the whole bedroom?"

"I hope we can get it into the containment box I'm having sent up." It arrived with two SHIELD agents. "Guys, it stunned two of the security guys." They let in the medics to check them over while they used catch poles, like what the dog catchers use, to grab the figurine and stuff it into the metal box. It got rolled off.

"Bye!" Adrian called then giggled. "Scary bad guys go to volcano!"

"Don't tempt me, son, and go to sleep please," Darcy called, then sighed and looked up shaking her head. Happy grinned at her, patting her on the arm as he walked past her. They left them to rest while they looked over the creepy present. It was magical and a trap. Both of the guards were being poisoned by it. One had magic and he was in worse shape. So yup, definitely a trap.

***

Darcy looked up as Maria Hill and Happy came into the lab the next day. "Was he magical?"

"A member of that order," Maria Hill said with a nod. "We intercepted an officer that got a call that your son had stolen that artifact from his house. We showed him what had went on and they were not amused. They charged him with trying to harm the child and the guards."

Darcy grimaced. "It was my second date with him, Hill."

"I've had that happen myself, Dr. Lewis. Can we start doing a background check on any future ones?"

"Yeah, please do. I usually do a peoplefinder.com search for anyone I agree to meet in person but I know that's not enough sometimes."

Happy nodded. "That's not that uncareful. At least you'd find out if they have a warrant and if they're known for anything too bad." Darcy nodded. "You always meet in public places?"

"Always, and I learned not to meet them in a park, even in broad daylight. That's too open. A bar might have someone who'd help me if I need it."

"That's reasonable and you're taking normal woman precautions. It's what I'd expect most women to do. Just let us do a fast check when you find one."

"Of course. I don't want to put the kiddo into danger."

"You've been a decent mother so far," Hill assured her before leaving.

Happy grinned. "We love how happy the little guy is. Even if he is going around trying to get booty again." Darcy moaned, going to find her son. "He's back in the daycare."

"We still need to talk about that. He's been taking weapons as booty again."

Happy watched her go with a grin, following to help by telling Tony what had happened.

Jane was shaking her head at her desk with a long sigh of discontent. Adrian needed more science things so he was more like his mother than his father.

***

Adrian was sneaking around with his friend from daycare, and ran into a doorway. One that was just hanging there. His friend was creeping away from it so he stared at her, then up. "FRIDAY?" he called quietly. "Door?" He pointed.

"There's no door there, Adrian," the AI said.

"Yes door!" He patted it and it tried to open. "Ooooh! Door!" he shouted.

A few of the guards came to look. "What's going on, little Lewis?" one asked quietly.

Adrian pointed. "Door!" The guards shook their heads. He patted it and they all stared at the new light. "DOOR!"

"Yeah, that's a weird door. Why don't you two go back to the daycare? I'm sure they have cookies or something like a vegetable." Happy came up the hallway. "They found some sort of mystical doorway."

"The energy sensors are going nuts. Okay." He clapped his hands. "Hi, Pirate Adrian and your little friend. What's your name, sweetie?" he asked with a grin. "I'm Happy and I work with security." The girl stared at him. "FRIDAY?"

"She is named Bethany I do believe."

"Okay. Adrian and Bethany, let's get you guys a snack of veggie sticks for finding that really important thing."

Adrian stared at it then at him. "Booty?" he asked with a bright, happy grin. Bethany huffed. He hugged her. "Shinies!"

"I hope not, but if so we'll let you play with one later, little guy. Let's go back to the daycare so we can make sure they're nice shinies instead of mean ones."

Darcy came jogging up the hall. "Adrian!" He flinched, staring at her. "No more sneaking away from the daycare!" She picked Bethany up then her son. "Let's go back to the daycare. You know not to sneak away. We could be doing something that would make the whole building go boom." She walked them off. She glared at an agent. "Coming?"

"Um, sure, I guess, Dr. Lewis."

"They snuck away from the daycare and they didn't call to warn me. So I'm guessing something's wrong."

"Yeah, let's go to the daycare then." He looked at his team leader, who stepped in front of them to take Adrian since Bethany was trying to hide under Darcy's hair. "I can escort you two, just to make sure that doorway isn't involved." They followed the mom down there, finding another confused looking mother down there. The agent cleared his throat, making that secretary jump and flinch. "Did you get called because kids snuck off?"

"No. I came down for lunch with my daughter, like I usually do. Where's the worker?"

"Don't know. These two snuck off to find a mystical doorway upstairs by the Avengers floor." She put Adrian down in front of the snack plate. "Where's the veggies, guys?" The mother got them some so Darcy grinned. "Thanks." She went to look in the safe room. Yup, hiding people. "Guys, it's Adrian's mommy," she called while knocking. "Are you okay in there?" She heard a muffled yelp. "Oh, that's not kids." The agents came to move her and check. "Are they bad guys?"

"Looks like the people who're trying to be AIM but are failing badly at that," the senior agent said dryly. "Great!" He stared at them. "Is the doorway upstairs yours?" They just moaned at him. "What happened to you guys?"

Darcy looked up. "Miss FRIDAY? Did my son do it? Because I know he likes weapons." The agents stared at her.

"That's real advanced for his age," one complained quietly.

"And yet, he's been playing with Mjolnir again. And it let him use it as a house for his stuffed friends and Hulk figurine." The agents winced. The video was shown and they all groaned. The daycare worker had knocked the idiots out then hid the rest of the kids in the bathroom. The agents went to get them out and into a better safe area. Though the kids wanted the veggie tray to snack so all the veggies went with the kids, the workers, and the new security team that came to help."

Adrian stared at one. "Need shiny pirate kitties, Mom!"

She flinched, then hauled off and punched one guy. "Yeah, not getting near my kid." The guy spluttered but the agents pushed him into a wall to hold him there while the daycare was evacuated. The other parent went with them to help. Darcy sighed, biting her lip. "So, who's he?"

"Don't know yet," one said with a smile for her. "You okay?"

"About to have a mom fit because someone got near my kid." They got out of her way. "No, you guys have him. Let me know if he was here for Adrian. I need to go look over that doorway with Jane." She walked off muttering.

Happy got in her way, shaking his head. "Elves."

"Am I going to have a flashback to London?" she demanded.

"Lord of the Rings elves not evil ones."

"So long hair and too pretty?"

"Yes. They have a young magic user who goofed." She sighed. "It called to any magic users on this side so that's why Adrian found it." He smiled. "The kids okay?"

"No! The daycare worker had to use a sonic weapon to knock out idiots."

"Fuck me," he muttered, going to check on that. "Great!"

"Thanks, Happy. The kid's with the others. He's not allowed to wander. Please gently shoo him back there if you find him out and about and not headed for the lab?"

"I can do that," he promised, not looking at her as he nodded. He ran into the agents. "What happened down here?"

"They thought Adrian might be Foster's kid and wanted him and three others who have genius parents." The agent in charge grinned. "They're real stupid. Not even from the brain swelling thanks to the sonic cannon."

Happy nodded once. "The daycare?" The agent pointed. "Get with me later over the daycare's security?"

"Yeah, sure can!" Happy huffed as he walked off. He was not that nice right now.

"The AI couldn't hear me in the bathroom," the daycare worker said as he walked into the break room they were in.

"I'll get Stark on that tonight," he promised, staring at her. "Why didn't an alarm go off with the weapons discharge?"

"I had to turn it off? Bethany set off the smoke grenade earlier?" She winced. "I might've forgotten to turn it back on?"

Happy nodded. "I'll ask him about automating that as well." He looked at the kids then at her. "We all good?"

"Yeah, they're fine. They thought we were playing a hiding game. I didn't even realize those two and Hannah wasn't with us for ten minutes."

"Hannah...."

"Slepna?"

"Guys, we have a missing kid," he called. "Dr. Slepna's daughter Hannah."

"Got her," one agent yelled. "She's in a broom closet. Said they're hiding from Adrian finding them." He brought her in with a grin for the daycare worker. "We'll up the safe room tonight, ma'am. Just in case." He nodded and left them to handle it. His boss was not going to be amused. Then he heard 'elves' and decided to make his report from a few extra feet away from them. Before he got punched. Thankfully Lewis and Foster were studying the doorway and weren't going to be punching him. Some days he missed when Lewis would zap people instead of punching them. He got out of Thor's way when he heard him stomping that way. Thor was going to be 'diplomatic' but Jane got in his way.

"Young magic user sneezed, Thor. Relax." She went back to talking to them about how to end the portal.

"We need the purple glowy machine," Darcy noted calmly. "And the plate system to relocate whoever snuck across if they're still here. It's not open for passage right now." She looked at the agents, who went to find that guy. He was being confused by Stark's tv sets so easily found. Darcy got the smaller things and the agent following her helped her haul up the bigger one for Jane to set up. It got closed once the elf guy was back home.

Jane looked at Darcy. "He's going to have a hell of a story at the pub." Darcy nodded, bringing their stuff back with them. Some of the tower security guys helped with the machine pulling. The ladies smiled at them for it. Then they settled in to make notes, have a stiff enough drink that wasn't fully alcohol because it was still early, and pitch a fit about today happening. The agents nicely left them to do it. The tower security team wisely fled the lab floors.

Up in the main lab, Stark was having his own fit. About many things. He really had to up a lot of security without making it obvious so no one got scared. This was going to suck.

***

Jane looked at the present that had been sent through the regular mail a few days later, spotting the name tag. "The baby daddy sent him a chemistry thing?" she asked the room. Her two interns both looked confused. Darcy held out a hand so Jane handed it over.

Darcy looked at the handwriting, then the opened end. All their mail was scanned as a security precaution. They had asked for it to be scanned to protect the kid. Jane got some seriously weird death threats. Darcy looked at the box inside. "This is for an older kid," Darcy noted. The note inside had Xander's name but not his handwriting. She compared it to a letter he had written for the kid. She texted someone and they admitted who had sent it, and they were happy that the little guy would like science stuff. "Faith sent it." She put it aside. "It's simple experiments for little kids. Things like floam since they showcased it." Jane hummed happily, getting back to her equations.

"Does the kid like science?" the Pietro wannabe asked.

"Sometimes he does," Darcy said with a grin for him. "Sometimes he just humors his auntie. But he does like to mix things." She looked up a few recipes for the kid to help her with. He liked to bake because it meant he got treats. She hummed. "That's a lot of work," she decided. "We can make tube croissants." She made a note on her grocery list. Then she got back to her work. She suddenly sighed. "Jane, I've got a huge thing here," she said quietly. "I might have to present."

Jane rolled over to look over her arm. "You do and you should. That way people know who you are." She patted her on the shoulder with a grin. "Have fun with that."

"My last one I kept getting accused of sucking off your genius."

"Not this time. That's not my area of specialization." She went back to her math.

"Maybe I'll create a portal and walk out of it," Darcy decided, cracking Jane up. "That would showcase this theory. We could present the plate system at the same time."

"We could," Jane agreed, nodding without looking over. "That would get us threatened again."

Darcy hummed but nodded. "Yeah but...well, that would be some fun. Almost Stark-like."

Jane grinned at their interns. "That's something that the scientific community hates." Darcy nodded at that but was grinning. "I mean, that was your work, Darcy. Mostly." She shrugged. "Go ahead and present it but quote me for math things."

"Of course I would. You did some of the basics of the theory." She started on the article about the plates. And her own portals. She had another one open that was on the space energy she had studied. Thanos was not going to get to come back without them doing something. That one might be better to put out first. Just in case.

***

Darcy set up the portal and walked through, nodding at the staring people. She grinned at them. "Hi, guys. I'm Dr. Darcy Lewis, PhD in Astroelectrical physics." A few moaned. "I'm the former intern of Dr. Jane Foster. That was...well, that was our last co-project kinda. She did some of the basics of the theory and a few of the math things for me." She waved one person up. "Go ahead and try it. It's got a step to the left at the end. We can't figure out how to curve it yet. The further the distance, the bigger the curve apparently."

A few people came up to try it and one moaned as they came back after running into the wall. "But that's only one thing I'm presenting today." She smiled once they were all back in their seats. "Let's start with the sexy energy stuff. That way we can detect the big purple asshole that had shown up before." She pulled up her notes on the projector. She went into her prepared speech and took questions at the end.

One older male stood up. "How much did Dr. Foster work on that one?"

"Not at all. This was my thesis project and I hadn't seen Jane in over a year at that point, sir. You should know that, you sat on my board." He glared at her. She stared back. "You did. You also slept through my defense." She smiled at him. "Jane does the Bifrost and other big energy things that are transdimensional. While the portal is partially her math work with my work, and I've given her the credit she's due for that bit of work, the rest is all mine. I'm not one to suck off someone else's genius. No matter how often I get accused of it."

The man huffed off. Darcy waved at his back. "Have a great day, Professor Bangold." She looked at the others. "Other questions?" None. "Okay, then let's get into the story of how I figured out the magic mirror theory." She pulled up those notes. "After a great late night with a son that wouldn't sleep long enough, I was reading him a fantasy story to try to make him nap again. Which brought up the idea of how they do the step through one mirror out of another in another area." She pulled up that slide for them. "I'm told that the curve can be accounted for, so this is just a basic theory for short distances, but it's a start." That got some questions she answered.

"How does this relate to the Bifrost?"

"It doesn't. It has nothing to do with it. The Bifrost is a bridge sort of bridge, you walk across it. This is a compressing space traveling method." She pulled up her images again so they could go over them better.

"Would the curve be accounted for in the base of the formula?" another woman asked.

"From what I've been able to figure out, and after asking someone who did magic, it's in this part." She pointed at one section. "That's the ending GPS part. I *think* I figured it out, slightly off center though." She pulled up that from her phone instead, letting them see it. "See, this changed it from a linear to a curved line of travel. I'm still off by a few feet per hundred miles. And that wall hurts when you run into it." She grinned. "I tested it by scaring my mother to death last week."

"Did anyone on Asgard look that over?"

"We had Lord Loki show up one day. I asked him and he's the one that noted it has a curve to me but didn't tell me how." She shrugged. "He said that's not how he chooses to travel, it takes a lot of energy for a single person to power that magically." That got a few nods and one angry looking person. "I amused him greatly with it." She grinned. "He was so amused that people think about how fantasy stories work. It made him walk off laughing."

She shrugged again. "Next time I'll bring a unicorn to taunt him. We did that by accident when Tony Stark played around with the mirror system while he was sleep deprived last night. Only he brought a dragon." A few laughed. She pulled up pictures and got moaned at. She nodded. "So, that's my presentation, people. I hope it was at least entertaining. I know some people are really dry when they speak and I never want to be that boring." They clapped politely so she took her portal with her.

"Is that on a framework?" one woman called.

"Mirror frame," Darcy called back. "It's easier to use a solid framework to create it into instead of an open one. I can do an open one but it'll take more power than I had available here." She grinned back at her. "I didn't want to brown out the city." She left the room.

Jane stepped up for her turn. "Darcy did give me credit, more than was due. She bounced ideas off me and had me look over her math for it. I'd never let anyone work on my things that way." She glared at one man, making him sit down again. She had punched him a few years back for accusations of her plagiarizing their friend Erik's work. "So, the Bifrost. Yeah, we can do that." The crowd broke into yelling. She held up a hand. "And a more celestial based system Darcy and I worked on together. That's when she got the idea about the mirror system." She went over her Bifrost. Her slides were a bit more messy; she had to do them herself.

"Can you prove it?" one man demanded.

Jane nodded and set off her bridge terminus. Heimdall showed up. She had warned him she'd probably have to call the bridge down to show off a bit. She took the pastry he handed her, kissing him on the cheek. "Thank you, Heimdall. Should I save a tiny corner bite for Thor?"

"His mother would send him some if he asked, Jane Foster. She sent that one for you." She beamed. He smirked as he walked off and disappeared, the bridge following him.

She nibbled her pastry while she went over questions for the rest of the group. At the end, she set up the plate system and brought Darcy back with it. That...that got some shouting. "It's a teleportation plate," she said smugly. "The other end's at a volcano for the ones that are too dumb to do science." A few choked and the rest laughed at that. Darcy set up the cameras for the plate outside the area. Jane went over how the plate and camera worked then sent two birds there. One of which got attacked by the hawk that was watching that spot that spit out animals now and then. They got to see the hawk pounce the pigeon and carry it off. The other one fled for its life.

"Can a human try that?" one man shouted in the back.

Darcy looked at him. "Yeah, Dr. Banzai. You can try it. It's been tested on humans." He came jogging up to try that. The camera showed him landing there and taking pictures then coming back. She grinned at him. "I'm sure my professor would say hi."

"I'm sure he would too," he said, staring at her. "Wow, ladies." They grinned at him. "Can it be used to alter people?"

"Nope," Jane said. "I made sure it can't." He relaxed and walked off showing others the pictures. Jane looked at the group. "It's also point-to-point. You have to land on the plate there or here." That got a few nods. "So it's not a security concern at this point in time."

Darcy looked at her. "Multi-terminus?"

"Eventually," Jane agreed with a nod. That got another moan from them. The ladies packed up and left to complaining but happier scientists did that. They went for coffee, Darcy called to check on the son, and they went to relax in the hotel spa for now.

The next presenter was pouty. "I don't think I can follow them. Dr. Foster and her former intern Dr. Lewis are both very smart and scary. I guess they felt they had to be showier due to being women in science." He sighed. "I just have a better cloning formula." That got a lot of attention. Whoever had set up the order of presentations knew what they were doing.

***

Darcy answered the video call, waving. "I told him you'd probably say hi."

"I probably would've," he agreed with a nod and a smirk. "The magic mirror has a curve?"

"Yes. It does. A few feet every hundred miles. I'm still working on that part, Doc."

He grinned. "You evil little bitch." She laughed and nodded. "Did he try that one?"

"Nope. Plates."

"Hmm. I wonder if he could try the mirror thing to see if it might undo the damage from the eighth dimension."

She shrugged. "No clue. I haven't seen him and we've been out of the spa for a few hours now. We've been sitting in the lobby in case anyone wanted to talk to us. A few have showed up to ask Jane about Thor. And one wanted Heimdall's number."

He just nodded. "That's fine and about how it goes. Can I try that mirror?"

"Probably."

"Talk to me when you get back, Lewis." He hung up.

She put her phone up, getting Jane's attention. "The doctor I studied under."

"I like him. He's nice and smart. A bit mean but that's about normal in science." Darcy nodded that was true. "How's the nephew?"

"Bored. He had to stay in the daycare. He mooned Natasha earlier because she was picking on Clint." Jane burst out in giggles. "Yeah. Then he ran off squealing he had gotten her. So Clint handed him to the daycare for his own safety."

"I don't think she'd hurt the kid."

"She'll hurt Clint for the kid."

"Could be," she decided, nodding at the end. She went back to her lunch. Darcy was nibbing on a salad with fruit and nuts.

***

They showed up at their lab, finding Phil Coulson tied up in Jane's desk chair and Adrian being smug he had done that. Jane looked at him. "Did you capture a prisoner for ransom?" she teased.

"My hostage!" Adrian cheered with a grin. "Ransom is like booty!"

"Yes it can be. What do you want to give him up?" Darcy asked patiently, staring at her son.

"Shiny pirate kitties?" he asked with a happy grin.

"They went home with their owner."

"Shoot!" Adrian pouted at her. "No kitties?"

"Not that kind. You'll have to get another kind, kiddo," Jane said. She looked out the door. "Which one of you helped the kid tie up the agent?" she called. No one answered and the guards all looked confused. "Okay. Coulson, who helped him tie you up?"

Coulson shook his head. "The thing that hit my head. I have no idea who put me into the chair for him but I came to and he was tying the knots."

"Sure," Darcy said with a nod, staring at her son, who just grinned back. "Who helped you? That way we know who to share the ransom with?"

"Mine!" he cooed. "All mine! He say so!"

"Okay, which he?" Jane asked him. Adrian walked off giggling. She followed, making sure he went to the daycare again then went to talk to Stark, who was waiting. "Who helped the kiddo?"

"Loki. He appeared, knocked out Coulson, put him into the chair, then walked off giggling while disappearing." He grimaced. "He apparently really likes your son."

"I'm not so sure he's not liking the baby daddy," she shot back, grimacing at the end.

"No comment but he does draw dangerous sorts." He went back to his lab.

Jane went back to her lab. "Loki helped him then disappeared."

Darcy just nodded once then sighed. "Sure."

Coulson cleared his throat. "Can I be untied?" They let him free and sat down in their desk chairs with sighs. "Ladies, can we talk about the security we'll need when you release the plans on the plate system?"

"You have to go plate to plate," Darcy said, sounding like she was talking to her son. "So don't put the second one where you don't want people to be."

"I'm more worried that someone who's got...skills landing there and then breaking in with said skills."

Jane looked at him. "They can go on tours and do the same thing."

"Most of those places would have metal detectors."

"So put the plate in a tiny area that leads to a metal detector with guards," Darcy said. "It's not a huge plate. Use a tiny receiving room. The white house has a few of those for waiting areas."

"True, it does. Could we talk about licensing it to SHIELD for their exclusive use?"

"No," both ladies said then shook their heads.

"What about SWORD?" They shook their heads again. "You could easily create an override." They nodded with smirks for him. "You don't trust us."

"No, experience has taught us not to." Darcy stared at him. "Thankfully I found my iPod on Ebay." He nodded once. "Would you trust you?"

"Not particularly. Will you allow us to borrow a set to handle emergencies, like hostage situations?"

"Maybe," Jane admitted. "If it's that important but we'll want it back or we'll destroy it."

He nodded. "That's reasonable. We'll talk about that later." He looked at Darcy. "Your mirror system." She smirked. "That's dangerous. Like that one portal...."

She held up a hand. "That portal was set specifically to go there. You have to set a destination or it's just a mirror."

"Oh. All right. Would you let Dr. Fitz look that idea over?" She shrugged. "Did you present the facts?"

"I did, and it's being published next month." She grinned. "I'm pretty sure he can get enough from that even though I was skimpy on the math for safety reasons, and I stated it was for safety reasons."

He nodded. "That's a good idea. All right, we'll talk later this week after I talk to my science teams to see if they want to think tactically about it. Your son is very good at knots." He left them to their work, going to Stark's lab. He knocked on the window, getting glared at. But after the long glare he was let into the lab. "I'm worried about people taking Lewis and Foster's ideas to break into secure facilities."

Stark nodded. "Not likely. They're all point to point specific. Have to be in place before you can go there. So you'd have to have someone drop one, not have it be found, then use it to travel back as an escape plan."

"You could use a forward scout to bring the rest of the team," Coulson admitted.

"Which would be a lot more work."

"True. Do you think a mundane, barely scientific sort could take what they're putting out to build their own?"

"No. I barely understand it."

"That's excellent. I'd like to license it for SHIELD's use for extractions and the like."

Stark stared at him. "With the way most of us in this building feel about SHIELD, you'd be lucky not to lose your team in the middle."

"I realize that, Stark." He shifted his stance so a robot could get behind him. "Can you talk to them about letting us use a set?"

"I can talk but I doubt it'll do any good. They won't let the team have one either."

"That's a reassurance. Thank you." He left him to his work while he went to talk to his teams. Stark rolled his eyes, sent Lewis an email, then got back to his current plans. He had to be impressive in a few weeks so he had to get his own things done.

***

Xander appeared in a flash of magic. It had been months since he'd seen the kid, or the kid had gotten out of the building for some fun. "Howdy."

"Hey," Jane said with an absent wave. "Did Dawn send you? Darcy's wondered why we haven't seen you recently."

"No, I got a lift from someone else." Darcy stared up at him oddly. He grinned. "What?"

"Why do you feel like magic?"

"Don't know." He concentrated and it quit. "Better?"

She smirked. "News you want to share?"

"Nope." He smirked a tiny bit. "The kiddo okay?"

"He's fine, Xander," Darcy said. "But you're being weird."

"I'm always weird. Just ask the ones I need to smite." He rolled his eye. He had his eyepatch on today instead of having the fake eye in. He flopped down in a chair to look at her. "He's been healthy and all that?"

"Yeah, he's been pretty good." She shrugged a tiny bit. "No idea what's up if you've heard something different."

"I've heard rumors of mystical weapons liking him."

"Oh, that. Yeah, she loves the spawn. Loves to play house with his stuffed friends and figurines." She grinned, showing him a video. "It hasn't gotten out though."

"SHIELD has it in a file. I've had someone erase it." She nodded that was nice. He grinned at it. "He's a good little kid."

"So came to play?" Jane asked.

"Just checking on him. I've got to hit another area soon and I won't be available for a bit. So I thought I'd give over a way to definitely get in touch with me just in case." He handed a card to Darcy, which sparkled with some magic.

Darcy stared at him. "Are you going off realm again?"

"Well, yeah. A perk of the job, all the travel," he quipped then grinned at the guy walking in. "Yes, did you need the lovely ladies of the lab?"

"Sir, you're not signed in as a guest."

"I'm with the Council."

"Oh. Okay. Magic is weird and we still need to note you're here for a bit." He called that in but left them to talk. He had no idea why Lewis and Foster needed to talk to him about something. They had probably drawn another mythical creature thanks to a portal.

Darcy noticed he was wearing a weird thing on his wrist but wouldn't mention his meditation beads. "So, I've been wondering. Loki seems to be interested in the kid a lot. Are you and he?" She made swishy hand motions.

He shook his head. "Been in the same battle as he was but otherwise no. I think he's amused by your little chaos source. Is he still stuck on pirates?"

"Oh, yes," she sighed but was grinning. "He tried to block agents from getting off the elevator to talk to people by demanding a toll. They weren't as amused this time but Stark eventually came and told him he'd have to take any toll from him because it was his building. Adrian said it was his duty to amass a chest of spoils. One of the agents livestreamed it to the other agents to warn them he was being cheesy again."

"I've got a few things he can stuff in the trunk. And a spare eyepatch if he wants it." He smirked at the boy sneaking in. He checked his current one, it was his special one, so he checked the other one he had. It was normal so he handed it over. "Here, a proper eyepatch for a pirate." The kid grinned and got help from Jane to put it on. Then he yelped and took it off to stare at it. Xander took it back. "Oh, that's leather conditioner. Sorry, Adrian." He cleaned it off then handed it back. This time the kid just grinned when he put it on. "There you go, proper pirate gear."

"Shiny kitties?"

"Sorry, didn't bring any today. They're waiting on me to travel tonight. They have to go visit some friends." Adrian huffed and pouted but oh well. "Sorry, I don't have any weapons on me."

Adrian noticed his meditation beads and came over to look at them. "Ooooh," he said, looking awed. He stared up and Xander winked before patting him on the head. "Booty?"

"Kinda," he admitted with a smile. "The one who had it wasn't using her gifts right because she had no idea. You can't have that shiny until you're of age or I have to give it up." Adrian pouted but Xander gave him a five dollar bill from his wallet instead. That let him go mug the snack machines for booty. Plus stuff for his bank of silver booty. He had a nice jar for that.

"He still doesn't understand change," Darcy quipped. "Most of that will go into his coin jar. He calls it his jar of silver booty. Pennies go into another bank."

"I do about the same thing but I use mine for things. That's the change I have leftover after the girls clean my pockets out on me." He handed over a sealed letter. "To go with the other one." He disappeared since he could hear the kid coming back.

"Were those beads a mystical artifact?" Jane asked quietly.

"Yup, sure were," Darcy quipped. Her son came in with his cheese crackers. "That's a good choice, son." She held out a hand. "I'll keep your shiny silver stuff until we get upstairs." He handed it over and ran out to see who was coming off the elevator. He was nibbing on one of his crackers, the rest had went onto his mom's desk until he wanted them. The new guard got a scowl but Uncle Tony had told him he had to let them pass without a toll or booty since they had to protect him and his mom. For that he'd let them not pay him. Until they failed and then they'd have to fix it and pay him! Then he could pour out his jar of silver and 'swim' in it that night. He did like doing that.

***

"I wish we had something that would take that sucker down," Clint Barton muttered as he shot off another pointless shot. The demon couldn't be killed by explosives or arrows. Unfortunately that's all he had on him since he was out to go take some target practice. Xander appeared and took off his eyepatch, handing over something bigger. "Are you the gun fairy?" he asked, taking it to fire off. The demon died with a scream of pain. "Finally!"

Xander grinned. "Nice shot. Next time, super puncturing in the breastbone area would work too." He looked at him.

"Are you the gun fairy?" he demanded, leaning on the missile tube.

"Not exactly." He winked and disappeared.

"Huh. Okay then." The rest of the team finally showed up. "Harris had something bigger I used," he called. "He said to hit the breastbone area next time."

Maria Hill stared up at him. "How did you get that?"

"Harris."

"How did he get it?"

"Out of his eyepatch." He shrugged. "No idea why."

"We'll find him and ask him later."

Clint snorted but did get down to ground level again. He brought the weapons tube with him. Stark took it to look at and then huffed. "No clue where it came from before his eyepatch."

"Probably someone scummy he had to beat." It got tossed into the jet's back area and they cleaned up their mess to go home. They found local CCTV footage to watch what had happened this time. Clint's attempts to defeat it were noted. Stark stared at Clint when the question was asked the second time. "That's very interesting."

"Yeah. No idea what's going on there. He's not really magical."

"What is that on his wrist?" Banner asked.

"Some sort of bead bracelet, like they do in some places for meditation," Steve said. "Isn't it?"

Xander appeared, staring at him. "It's a *huge* secret because the slayers will *whine*," he said then grinned. "I'm the vengeance demon over heros, guys." He beamed at Clint. "So yeah, often I am the weapons fairy. Just don't let the girls know or they'll kill me for not being human." He disappeared again.

"Shit," Clint muttered. "Okay then." He got up. "Let me go shower off and then forget I saw that." He went to his suite to giggle to himself. If anyone understood frustrated hero sorts, it was the one who handled things for slayers.

The others shared a look then nodded at each other because they didn't want to break that secret to the slayers. They'd hate to see the mess the girls made. And it'd mean more work for them. One of them would tell Lewis later so she could make a note for the kid later on.

***
Part 4 by Voracity2
Darcy opened a letter and glared at it. "I need to portal someone somewhere far away," she muttered. "Be right back, after I have a fit." She walked down the hall, tapping on a window before sticking her head in. "Can I rant at you so you can stand behind me being a cheerleader when I help bring down SHIELD this time?" she asked over Stark's music.

He stared at her oddly. "What?" She walked in and put the paper in front of him. He read it then looked at her. "Yeah, I can fulfill the cheerleader fantasy. Sure." He nodded slightly. "Are they actually SHIELD and they seem to think that the kid's mine."

"Yeah, I noticed. I know Adrian's not yours. He'd be interested in robots instead of pirates if he was yours, Stark."

"Let's find out if they're SHIELD first, Lewis."

Darcy stared at him. "If not, their agency can be embarrassed too."

"Yeah, just as soon as you calm down and become the rational, evil woman stereotype?"

"I'm perfectly calm," she said dryly. "Miss Friday, is the writer of that letter actually an agent of somewhere?"

"According to SHIELD's files," the AI said, "he is indeed one in Human Resources. There's a few agents who were championing that idea so they had someone to follow their jobs when they die, Miss Lewis."

"Yeah, it won't be my sons or daughters." She grinned up. "Thanks, Miss Friday." She looked at Stark. "Let me start by getting another cheerleader. A team is always more peppy." She took the letter off, going upstairs. "Oh great Unclish one," she called. "Can I have a moment please?"

"He's in the range," Natasha called.

"Great. Come join us so we can all swear at your former employers?" she quipped, heading down there. Natasha followed her to the elevator so she grinned. "Someone in HR sent a request." She walked into the range area. "Boys," she called loudly. "Clint, I need a leash holder and cheerleader. Stark thinks I'm going to get unreasonably evil."

He blinked at her a few times. Steve and Bucky both stared at her. "What now?" She held up the letter with a smirk. He took it to read, then stepped back away from her and Natasha. "Yeah, I can help by finding the guy."

"Oh, no, sweetie, I need a cheerleader and maybe someone to remind me not to continue with the rest of them." She grinned sweetly.

He took another step back, letting Natasha have the letter. "Yeah, we can remind you of that."

"Who is he with?" Natasha asked.

"HR in SHIELD." Darcy grinned at her. "Miss Friday said that some agents liked that idea too." Steve came over to get involved and groaned. Darcy grinned, taking the letter back. "Clint's a really great cheerleader, Steve." She looked at Natasha. "Would you like to help him cheerlead?"

"I want to watch certainly. I'm not perky enough for pompoms."

Darcy beamed. "That'll be fine too!" She strolled off. "Let me go talk to some agents about their weird desires."

Clint just looked at Natasha. "Well, maybe this rebuild will be easier," he decided, then shuddered.

"We will be safely out of the way," she soothed, patting him on the arm. Steve and Bucky went to talk about that idea. Someone really needed their interiors investigated, starting with their brains. They just hoped Darcy wouldn't expose said brains to the open air.

Darcy walked onto the SHIELD floor, going to the agents that were so amused by her son. She held up the letter. "Did you know that your agency's HR and some agents were plotting to get me knocked up by someone?"

"No," he said, taking the letter to look at. "Fuck them."

"Yes!" she said with a bright smile. "They are!" She nodded.

He looked at her. "Explosives would be too big for this one, Lewis. Can we start to work on it?"

"Clint said he'd be a great cheerleader for me."

He just nodded. "People, someone in HR and some agents have requested that Lewis give her little pirate a sibling. They had a few suggestions about who they think fathered him and who should create the next one."

"Apparently they want me to bend over, open my cheeks, and just take whichever agent comes," she quipped blandly.

The agent stared at her. "Don't give us such ideas, Lewis. You're a pretty girl but we don't need that thought." She just smirked at him. "Let us talk to the director?"

"I can do it!"

"We'd like him to live though." He winced when he saw Hill. "Hill," he called. "We have people who need to have their brains blown out."

She came in to look at that letter then looked at Lewis. "Please don't have another one yet. He might turn evil." She handed the letter back. "I'm going to complain on your behalf. Before they try some of the rest of us too."

"FRIDAY said a few other agents wanted to agree with them."

"If they decide half of SHIELD needs future agents, we'll hire instead of breed. Most of us don't really like kids."

"You sure? Clint said he'd be a great cheerleader."

Maria Hill walked off nodding. She made a copy of the letter then went to talk to her underlings. Someone definitely needed her foot up their asses and out their noses.

The agents got Darcy some fresh coffee and let her wander off to complain about agents. It was safer to be out of the way of that temper.

Maria Hill walked into the SHIELD offices, going right up to the director's office. She put the copy in front of her former coworker then grinned. "Lewis asked Barton to cheerlead for her."

He read it then nodded. "Someone needs to be hidden for their own safety but maybe a few good neural reorganizing hits should be administered first."

She grinned. "Lewis was going to do it herself."

He looked at her. "I'd hate to see that."

"Me too," Maria Hill agreed. "So how do we do that since there's agents with the same ideas."

"Drag that one to an interrogation room and I'll put out a memo for the rest later."

"Thanks, Phil. Saves me some energy beating people." She went to get that one agent to fix him first. An example was a good thing for others to learn from.

***

Adrian found his next target to ransom for real booty. Now his jar of shiny silver booty would be full! He stalked the person around the labs, finally getting him trapped in a closet. Then he snuck off to get something from Mr. Tony's lab. He had neat toys that loved to help him find people to ransom for booty. They came back with him to knock out that complaining one and help him by holding him in a rolling chair until he could float the ropes up to tie him up.

They helped him steer the rolling desk chair with the unconscious guy into the elevator and they went to his apartment. It was safe to put a ransom there until his mom and Auntie got done for the day. He grinned at the woman he met in the elevator. "My ransom for booty," he said cheerfully and waved. "Miss Friday, home please!" he called.

"Of course, sir," the AI said. She sounded amused. "I'm sure your hostage could use the good nap. They were nagging him about it earlier. I'll alert his people to expect your ransom request for booty shortly." He grinned and waved at the ceiling in the elevator.

When it stopped on his floor he had a bit of trouble but the woman in there helped by starting the pushing in the right direction for him. "Thank you, Miss!" He rolled him off. The door opened automatically for him.

Wanda Maximoff was looking amused but went down to the lab floor. She wouldn't talk to Lewis directly but she recognized who that geek was. She went to that lab, where her brother's twin and savior was working for the day. She waved him out. "I just saw the most amusing young boy who was rolling off someone tied up who he said was ransom for booty. He went to a residential floor."

"I'll tell his mother he's gone weirder than usual," he promised, patting her on the arm but going up there. That lab was clearly thinking he was asleep. He went to Darcy and Jane's lab. No Darcy. "Um, Dr. Foster, where's Dr. Lewis?"

"She's in the caf talking to someone who wants to interview her about her work. Why?" She looked at him.

"Her son was just spotted taking a tied up hostage to somewhere on a residential floor by my almost sister." He grinned. "I thought she should handle it instead of telling the hissy fit throwing people in the lab he probably belongs to."

"Yeah, let me go stop that." She sighed. "Thank you, Peter." He nodded, going back to work with a stop to giggle about the kid's goings on. Jane went to Darcy's apartment, staring at the young man. "Where's your hostage?"

"Sleeping! He tired! I told him bedtime story." He beamed at her. "I'm good boy."

"Sometimes." She went to look and sighed. "How did you get him tied up?"

"Helpies." He grinned.

Jane stared at him then sighed. "At least he's sleeping. Everyone was yelling at him about that earlier. No more taking hostages for ransom, Adrian. They'll get mad at your mom." She went to that lab, tapping before walking in. "FRIDAY, how did he do that?" she asked politely when they stared at her. The AI giggled and put up a video of how Adrian had stolen their coworker. "He's napping on Adrian's bed. Can I negotiate for his release for you? That way we don't scare the kid but remind him he's not allowed to kidnap people?" A few of them giggled. "Seriously, people."

"The kid's seriously weird," the head of the lab said but she was smiling. "He did need a nap. Next time he'll probably want to go before we offer to let the kid steal him again." Darcy walked in and sighed, already shaking her head. "He's adorable."

"He knows he's not supposed to kidnap people yet. Sorry. I'll go get him let go of and taken to medical to make sure he's not really hurt. I'm sorry about my son's weirdness." They all shook their heads but were amused. She went to ...talk to her son at a very loud volume. Seriously, did other parents have these problems? Or was it just her? She texted that to Clint, who sent back it was just her kid but at least he wasn't boring. She sent back a thanks before walking in and staring at her son. "What did I say about taking hostages?" He pouted and stomped off. "Adrian, get back here so we can talk about the rules again," she ordered. He trudged back looking pouty.

She got the medical team down there to bring him up there so he could be watched over. They put up a video of what had happened to leave beside him with Darcy and Adrian's apology letter. Then she went to talk to Tony about ordering his bots not to help her son kidnap more people. She clearly wasn't going to be getting through to him yet. He thought that was just fun. She didn't want things like this to become someone's origin story as a super villain. Especially not her son's.

***

One of the tower's security team got the video and watched it then had the others show up to watch it. Most laughed but Happy went to talk to Clint Barton. He was doing uncle duty and could talk to the little guy about guy things better than his mother could. He found them watching tv so put the video on and got out of there.

Tony shook his head. "Lewis asked me to talk to my robots about not helping him. They did a good job though. Nice teamwork."

Wanda was giggling. "I saw him in the elevator and told the almost-brother."

Clint just nodded. "Nat, your knot tying lessons apparently got learned very well." She smiled and nodded a bit. "Darcy wanted to make sure if it was just her kid that was this weird. I assured her it was. But maybe a talk about common sense should happen soon."

"He should get it from someone who has some," Natasha quipped with a smirk for him.

"Hey!" Clint complained. "I have more sense than Stark does."

"I never wanted to be a common person anyway," Stark said dryly. "I've restricted the robots from lifting people when it's not an emergency situation."

The two assassins shared a look. "Having Coulson try to talk sense into him like he tried many times with Barton might be a bad idea," she noted.

Clint nodded. "Those were epic and I doubt Adrian could sit through one. We can ask him if he can point me at one so I can talk to him with that script though." He shifted. "Is the geek mad, Stark?"

"Yes but more amused that the kid herded him into a closet first. His lab people promised the next time he neglected himself that way they'd let the kid have him again. He went home to pout about that. His wife was amused but didn't laugh at him too hard."

Natasha got a copy of the film and emailed it to Melinda May with the note of 'we were wondering if our former handler would like to remember how he gave many other talks about common sense'. "Maybe Coulson will know what to tell the young one before we get captured as well. What would he have demanded for ransom payments?"

"Probably change. He has a large jar of silver change that he likes to pour out and lay on top of to swim in." Clint grinned at her. "That and maybe some poptarts or cookies."

"He used his magic to tie the person up," Wanda noted.

"Yeah, he'll unconsciously use it to grab things that are too high for him too," Clint agreed. "It's not hurting him and it's harmless but we've all had talks about him not using it for big things."

"At his age, big things should be stealing cookies," Stark agreed with a nod, sipping his coffee.

"Tying up people is weird," Clint agreed. "But could be helpful if someone tries to grab him or his mom."

"Which is why I taught him that skill," Natasha agreed. "I also taught him about safe places to go when things are scary or bad."

"That's something I've showed him and his mom's done too," Clint agreed with a nod. "He's usually really a good boy and very safe."

"Dr. Alovena hates him but he stole her pets from her," Stark said, looking at him. "He decided she was mean and stole them to the spare lab next to Bruce's to fuss at them like his mom does his aunt. Fed them Bruce's chicken casserole, pet them into needing a nap." He waved his coffee cup around, grinning some.

"Hid them from her when she came in to see if they were in there because she spotted one's kitty bed and he claimed he had borrowed it for a nap. It took Bruce finding them to get him to turn him back over. She was crying that he thought she was mean to them. That was the day Darcy swore up and down he was in the daycare while she had the thesis defense."

The others shook their heads. The kid was a bit weird. "Maybe we can get him into something beyond pirates," Natasha decided. "Ninjas so he wants to take martial arts?"

"He loved the first Mortal Kombat movie but wanted to be Johnny Cage." Clint grinned at her. "He told me Liu Kang was a hero and heros were always sad. He wanted to be the fun, pretty guy."

She just nodded at that. "Yes he probably will be. His mother would probably be amused too." He grinned back at her.

***

In the SHIELD offices, a not often heard sound was going off. It freaked some people out enough they went to a prepared for an attack status. Others just walked slowly away so they didn't get caught in whatever had done that to her. Because it had to be a gas that made Melinda May giggle, loudly, in her office, right?

Phil Coulson watched what his people were doing oddly then went to find the source of the emergency. He found a giggling special senior agent. He leaned in her doorway, arms crossed but looking amused. "What's happened now? More marshmallow fluff rains?"

"Better." She let him see the email, making him snort, but she ran the video and he had to grin at that. She ran the other ones she had been sent by Clint. She hadn't really watched them before this. Now, they were charming.

Phil Coulson cracked a full smile, when he usually hid his emotions behind some blandness. A few agents who noticed ran off to prepare for the emergency. "I need to train him in being a handler." She smirked at him. "It's clear Romanoff taught him knots. That's how she does hers." He shook his head. "I probably can't bring it down to his level but I'll see what I can work up for one."

Hill walked in. "What now? You've panicked the whole admin area."

"Romanoff wanted to know if he could talk to Adrian Lewis like he used to tell Barton about common sense." Hill moaned so she let her see that newest video.

Maria Hill just nodded. "Yeah, he's a bit weird. He comes from weird people. His mom and aunt are weird one way, his father another is weird another way, and I'd hate to see him as an agent. Thankfully I'll be retired by then." She reached over to replay it, but did smile a bit. "He's good. Talked the robots into doing the heavy stuff for him. Slight magical use to tie the knots. Wow." She walked off more amused.

"Maybe he'll follow his father into the field someday," Coulson decided. "Let me see if I can write out a good talk on common sense things for his mom to give to him." He walked off smiling slightly. "Someday I want that kid to be a handler and then take over my spot," he told Maria when he ran across her in the halls.

"I'll be firmly retired to the Riviera by then," she quipped back. "Have fun with your protégé."

"I think I will." He sent a message to Clint and Natasha thanking them for giving his next protégé the training he might need some day. He got one from Lewis ordering him to leave her son alone with that talk about being an agent. She included the short film of Thor trying to talk to her son about common sense things that finished up with Thor deciding Adrian could take over for Loki someday as they had no kids to follow them and he'd make a good God of Mischief some year soon. Though the kid was cooing and carrying around his hammer to play house with it at the time by the video. He sent that to Melinda too. It made her laugh again. He grinned, he loved making her amused in nice ways.

***

Darcy sat straight up in bed, panting and sweaty. She went to check on her son then went up to bother Thor. She got into their room easily enough, poking him until he glared at her. "I just had a weird dream of my son going up to your sister and telling her he loved her because she was mean, evil, and grr, and would she date his daddy because she was his type."

He blinked at her. "What?"

"He walked up to her when she was about to destroy something, in full helmet glory, and hugged her, told her he loved her. She sneered but he told her she was pretty, evil, and grr so she was his daddy's type and he loved her so could she date his daddy. Then pointed at Daddy, who was there to fight against her."

Thor stared at her. "It was just an evil dream, Darcy."

"It sure as shit wasn't, Thor. It was like I was there. I don't get those sort! Especially not where I see his father stroll over to save the kid and dip Hela into a deep kiss, which distracted her enough that her battle helmet disappeared! He totally sex fucked brain enough to distract her from the battle. Apparently the power she knows not is my son adoring bad girls."

He patted her on the wrist. "I will make sure that does not happen, Darcy. Your son has no reason to meet someone like Hela."

"Someone brought him because his father didn't realize he was there until the kiddo walked over to her to cuddle the evil pretty one."

Xander appeared, giving her a hug. "I'm so glad someone wished that wouldn't happen ever." He kissed her on the temple, taking the memory from her. He grinned at Thor. "Not many should remember it." He handed him Darcy then disappeared to block some of that from his son. He really had to talk to his son about not flirting with his sort of woman.

Thor put Darcy down beside Jane's snoring body, getting up when he saw the blinking sensor that showed a bridge was coming down. He went out there in just his sweat pants, staring at the woman that came down. "Mother?" he demanded.

She nodded. "Yes, that wish saved me as well, son." She patted him on the cheek the slapped it lightly while smiling. "We should talk."

Xander casually strolled out, staring at her. "Nice try." The woman smiled at him. "Really, Harkness. Like I don't know you? Hell, you were a tea drinking buddy of my former fiancee." She laughed and changed. Xander smirked, grabbing her and taking her off. She was not going to be amused when he used an owed wish to trap her in a mystical artifact vault. There might be a few who'd let her out of there but not before they got some amusement from her. He paused to make a note for Giles the next day then went back to talking to his son about doing *good* things. You should really only kidnap someone for a *good* reason and booty wasn't a good enough one usually.

The beings trapped in that vault stared at the witch, who looked nervous. She wasn't on the level of a god and couldn't fight one either.

***

Agent Jimmy Woo showed up where Xander was, staring at him. "Someone told me that you found a rogue witch?"

Xander grinned while he chewed and swallowed. "Agatha Harkness came for the kiddo at the tower."

Jimmy blinked a few times. "Is he okay? I adore that little guy's antics."

"Yeah, she showed up as Thor's mom." He shrugged but grinned and ate some more. When the hero at the next table muttered he took off his eyepatch and pulled out something to hand over. "Here, dude, that'll help more than the swords will this time. That sort you don't behead, you blow the head off."

The hero stared at him. "Who the fuck are you?"

"Xander Harris, trainer for the slayers at home in Africa." He grinned and ate another bite. "I heard your mumbles." The guy moaned. "I took out seven one day but I had a multi-missile system that I had borrowed. Worked really well!" He beamed. "You're welcome." The guy sighed but took the weapon with him to go talk to others. "You should go watch that one for the report. It's much more amusing than I am."

"You're the most amusing and amazing person down here, Harris," Jimmy said smugly. "How did you do that?"

"Magical artifact."

"I figured that much since you pulled a grenade launcher out of an eyepatch. How?" He looked at the thing he had noticed on his wrist. "Uh-huh."

"Don't even," Xander said quietly but smirked. "I won it at poker and *no one* knows."

"Shit."

"Yup!" He beamed. "But it did mean that Asgard didn't get destroyed last night." He finished that food and got up, tossing out his trash. He stared at the agent. "I find you happy making too, Jimmy. Next month in Asheville? Or the one later that afternoon in Atlanta?"

"Shit," he muttered. "Both probably. When?" Xander grinned, strolling out. He tried to follow but the guy disappeared. "Damn it!" he muttered. He called that in. "Just ran into Harris from the Council. He said he'd see me next month in Asheville and then later that same day in Atlanta." He hung up on his handler's choking. This was not good news. He went to find out where that battle was so he could do a report on that too. Then he'd find Xander, tie him down, and get some answers from him. Even if he did have to resort to torturing him by tickling him.

***

Xander showed up at that battle that afternoon, shaking his head. He took the grenade launcher to use on the demon, making it appear as it died. He handed the tube back with a grin. "Watch out for his wife." He pointed then winked. "She's shootable. Kinda. Have to use a lot though." He walked off and disappeared again. Behind him, the heros were having a fit but the wife showed up and was fired on repeatedly until she died. Another one showed up but it was clearly younger. A slayer ran out to grab it and drag it off to the local demon bar nagging it about doing harmful and dangerous things. So that was nice.

Agent Woo went to talk to the slayer once she was done with her dragging duties. "Slayer Stephani?" She blinked at him then smiled. "Hi, yes, I'm Agent Woo with SWORD. Is he a danger?"

"No, his parents were high and stupid. He's not supposed to be anywhere near anything harmful. He's meant to be a future priest. Somehow his parents got dosed with some weed and went bloodlust thrill kill as Faith calls it. I'm hoping his future self stops all that and whoever's prompting it based on life debts. Did we see Xander?"

"Yeah. He showed up to use the bigger weapon." He made a note. "So it's just pot?"

"Yeah, for their kind pot is like whatever funky thing mushrooms does to some people from what we're told. Someone with a huge amount of life debts among their peoples is forcing them to smoke it and go attack things so he can do something magical. We're not sure what but this is stupid and it needs to stop. So if you find out, can you let some of us know?"

"Of course." He made another note then looked at her. "I ran into Xander at breakfast earlier. He mentioned Asheville and Atlanta on the same day next month. Any idea? We haven't heard of anything big going on until the summer solstice."

She blinked a few times. "Neither have I. Let me call and ask." She did that. "Hey, Faith, it's Stephani and I have Agent Woo from SWORD up here with me. Yeah, I managed to get the kid free. The parents were totally out of it and Xander hit one with a huge weapon he got somewhere somehow. Earlier he mentioned Asheville and Atlanta on the same day next month?

"Agent Woo said he mentioned it but didn't give a why. We have a battle coming up?" She listened to her ask the watchers. One of them found a reason. "Oh, fruck! There's an eclipse? Like...maybe not an ascension then? Oh, great! Sure, let us know! Thanks!" She hung up and sighed, looking at him. "She doesn't *think* anyone's doing an ascension but...." She waved both hands. "Is Asheville that city with the pretty old manor house that you take tours through?"

"Probably, as far as I know," he agreed, smiling at her. "Okay, can whoever figures it out let us know too? I'd like to stop it before it takes over a town?"

"Gladly, Agent Woo. None of us like things that happen on eclipses or solstices." She walked off to the demon bar again. "People, Xander said something about next month in Asheville and Atlanta on the same day? Is that the eclipse?"

"Atlanta's due to be an ascension. Some rapper producer or something," the bartender called. "Not sure where or who. He didn't describe them in his vision. It's up on the assassin's site again, Slayer Stephani. Asheville?" He shrugged. "Haven't heard a thing but it is an eclipse."

"Yeah, let's hope it's not a portal." She smiled. "Let us know if you hear things? Please? I need to find better panties to wear to an ascension battle." She walked off to find that agent, running into him at the battle site. "Ascension in Atlanta by some sort of music or rap producer. That's not what's coming in Asheville though. The bartender said he put it up on the assassin's site again." She walked off sending out a mass text message.

Agent Woo smiled. "That's good to know. We can make plans on how to handle that one even if it's in downtown Atlanta." He looked at the guy next to him. "Why did they call you to help?"

"The demon challenged me to show up here today."

"Okay. So we've heard that they're being sacrificed as part of some magic person's cover of doing something. They have life debts he's calling in. And that they took pot to get into the bloodlust."

"Yeah, we can make sure pot disappears from a few areas," he promised, glaring at a few others. "That magic user?"

"No idea yet. I'll go ask about that later. I figure they asked you because they knew you'd make it fast and easy." That got a nod and that one walked off brooding. Agent Woo went to talk to his people. They found the assassin's site to read up. "Well, that's charming! A hell goddess is getting married and the reception is going to be a fun time."

He sent that to Slayer Stephani, who sent back an audio file of a groan and an unhappy smiley face. "Okay." He looked up, going to make his report, including to Coulson and Hill since they were in there. "We'll probably want SHIELD in Atlanta. You have a base outside the city and that's an ascension."

"I agree with the slayer, we'll need easily washable panties for that," Hill said dryly. "The other?" He showed her. "Oh. Okay." She let Phil handle it while she got to tell the Avengers members who might need to be there.

She really hated Harris sometimes. Though visions were better than not being prepared.

***

Xander was hellion sitting because mom and auntie were doing things that might destroy the whole building when he felt a calling come in. He picked up Adrian and his diaper bag, going to Wakanda, nodding at the warrior woman who had just tried to wish to him. "Howdy." He grinned, shifting Adrian to his hip. "You rang?"

"You're Harris," she said impatiently.

He winked his good eye. "That too. You *wished*?" She cleared her throat and pointed. "Hey, Raul!" he said with a wave and a grin. "How's the kiddos?"

"Trying to eat the Pacific trench place, Xander." He came over, smiling and patting the kid on the head. "He's adorable."

"I'm watching him for his mom, who's going to possibly create the new Bifrost today or could possibly blow up a building." He smiled at the kid then at his demon contact. "This is Adrian and he's going to get my ship I won a few months back."

"He's very sweet, Xander. Do the girls know...." He waved a hand at the kid.

"Fuck no!" He smirked. "Anything. And I do mean *anything*."

"Good point. The blonde would have a bad reaction." He bowed to the warriors. "I only showed up to retrieve my errant daughter. She is staring in awe at the buildings that are very pretty and shiny."

"Sending her to the university on Makaro?"

"I hope so. She would do so good designing things, much better than my sons, who have no ambition. Let me grab her before she upsets someone." He went to grab his daughter. "Xander is babysitting for someone." She squealed, running over to meet this baby. Adrian smiled shyly and tried to hide his face but he was cute and they babbled at each other for a few minutes before her father took her off.

Xander grinned at the warrior women watching all this. "Was that the problem?" The warrior nodded, looking amused. "Glad I could help. Raul's no slouch and his warriors are kick ass demon killers. Whole army of badasses. They use live steel for beginning practices sort."

"That's good to know," two new women said as they walked out. The older one smiled at him. The younger came over. "He is adorable, Watcher Harris."

"I'm babysitting. This is Adrian and his mommy's working on the Bifrost project today. She didn't want him in the building in case they got it backwards and blew something up." He nudged Adrian. "Can you say hi?"

He grinned at her, reaching over to pet her hair. "Pretty hair."

"Thank you." She played with his hair. He beamed and kissed her on the cheek. "You're very sweet."

"You're a princess."

"I am," she agreed with a grin. "I'm Princess Shuri."

He beamed at his father. "I should take hostage for major shiny booty! Princesses get many silvers."

"Yeah they would but good men don't kidnap princesses these days, Adrian. Even little pirates like you."

He beamed at her, a naughty grin. "You do science stuff like Mommy?"

"I do." He leaned over to kiss her again. "You're very adorable. Nearly enough to make me want children some year."

"You shouldn't pet people unless you ask. Your mommy wants you to have manners," Xander reminded him. He stopped him reaching for her hair again.

"Pet you like shiny pirate kitties and Puppy Groo?" he asked hopefully, grinning at her again.

"I'm not used to being petted, but you can pet my armor. I'm a tough princess, not just a smart one." He beamed, wiggling down to check her armor out.

"Sorry," Xander mouthed. She grinned and waved it off, explaining it to him. Xander pulled up a video for the queen and warriors to see. "Him a few months back." They all grinned at the baby pirate wanting booty.

Shuri grinned, tweaking him on the nose. "You're going to be a great pirate some year soon, Adrian."

"He's going to get the space ship I won," Xander quipped, picking him back up. "Thank you for being polite."

"I should still take hostage," he assured him, staring at the princess. "She make good pirate with shiny pirate kitties and Puppy Groo!"

"There's no labs on a pirate ship though. How would I design great things?"

"Mommy can!" He beamed and nodded a bit. "Auntie Janie too!"

"I'm sure they can but I need my lab."

"Have robots?"

"I have a few, but not as much as Tony Stark."

He beamed at her again. "Helped me take hostage! Loki even!"

"They did," Xander agreed, grinning at him. "Twice now." Shuri giggled, hugging the boy before walking inside giggling. "You can flirt with the princess when you're older, Adrian." The boy was pouting and trying to flirt with the warriors to claim their weapons. He did so love weapons. Especially special or unique ones like Puppy Groo. He told them about his puppy friend, making them all happy with him.

"Is Groo a shield?" the queen asked.

Xander nodded. "Yes it is. It was hiding from him like most puppies do from what I got told."

"He's very adorable, Watcher Harris."

"Thank you. Say thank you, Miss Queen Mommy?"

"Thank you, Miss Queen Mommy." He leaned over farther to kiss her on the cheek too. "You need sugar because you're sweet. You must wear it out." She blushed but grinned, patting him on the head before Xander took him off. "Ooh, shiny!" he cooed as they disappeared.

The queen looked at the warriors, who were grinning. "He is an adorable little boy. And future pirate. He clearly values good items." She walked off giggling to herself. That boy had been too adorable. The warriors downloaded the video from the security cameras to share around. They could all use the levity of a cute little boy flirting with their princess.

One of the thoughtfully sent it to Bucky to cheer him up too.

***

Bucky walked up the halls shaking his head. They had made it back to the avengers clubhouse only a few days earlier. He knocked on the lab wall, waving Jane out to show her that video since Darcy had her head down on the desk. He held up his phone so she could see it.

"Oh, crap!" Jane sighed. "At least he was polite."

He grinned at her. "Halloween costume already set?"

"Probably. Either that or Clint's dressing him up." She looked inside then at Bucky. "Can you email that to me so I can break it to his mom gently?"

He grinned and nodding, sending it to her email. "He was cute."

"He's very cute. Even when he steals the coffee and the good poptarts as ransom." She went back inside to watch that again. Darcy was not going to be amused.

Bucky went up to share it with Clint, and Natasha and Sam since they were all up there. Steve wandered in with a sandwich while he was fiddling with the tv to download that file. Then he got out of the way.

Natasha burst out giggling, shaking her head. "He is very unique."

Clint grinned. "That's my nephew! Already cute with the ladies who're important." Natasha pinched him for that bragging.

Steve was snickering as he chewed, just nodding. "Groo would probably love to play with their weapons too." He swallowed and ate another bite quickly. Sam was moaning and shaking his head. "He didn't mean any harm."

"No, I know that. I've got nephews," he said patiently. "Thankfully mine weren't that sort of smartass." Bucky smirked at him, heading back to his suite for a bit.

"I've been teaching him guy things if you wanted to help," Clint called after him. "Before Xander warps him."

"Sure," Bucky called back. "Let me know when." Clint went to giggle in the range.

Steve was grinning as he chewed, rewinding the film to watch it again. "He's right, they're pretty, powerful, smart women."

"They are," Sam agreed. "My sister would be screaming." He copied it to send to her and explained he was a kid in the lab geeks portion of Stark. She sent back a 'he's a sweet boy, don't give my boys any ideas' and left it there.

Steve grinned at Natasha. "We need to teach him some guy lessons too."

"Clint steals him now and then when he wants to hang out with him. Show up the next time. They do some arrow time and some training in the gym time usually."

"We can do that," Sam agreed. "Boy needs to be a good man."

"Darcy's not going to let him be a dick," Steve noted. "She's not going to put up with any of that."

Darcy came up with a sigh, staring at the paused video, getting the remote to rewind it. "No wonder Jane was laughing," she muttered. "Let me go write an apology letter for my son and yell at Xander." She walked off muttering about how her son was not allowed to take hostages anymore.

The three heros all grinned at that. Darcy was a pretty calm mom. And a very patient, understanding mom too.

***

In Wakanda a few days later, the Princess opened an envelope that had been checked, smiling at the note of apology for her son being such a petting, loving little boy. She giggled, taking it to her mother to show her. "She sounds like she has sense."

"She seems to," her mother agreed, handing it back with a smile. "He was still adorable."

"He was and I'm sure he'll make a good pirate." She went back to her lab, putting the letter aside so she could hang it up later. It was sweet of that scientist to apologize for her baby being so cute.

***

Darcy looked at Xander a few days after that incident, staring at him really. "You brought him when you went to Wakanda?"

"You wanted me to leave him somewhere?"

"No," she admitted. "You could've brought him back. We were almost done by then."

"It wasn't into anything dangerous, Darcy. I knew it wasn't a dangerous call. Most of the time I just hand over weapons to frustrated heros. He met a few that day and waved at everyone but Deadpool, who he just stuck his tongue out at and told him he was pretty." He shrugged but grinned. "He was perfectly safe. I'd never bring him somewhere I wouldn't bring a baby slayer."

"I realize that but it's embarrassing. He shouldn't be petting important people."

"I did stop him."

"You did," she agreed, nodding some. "And it was cute of him, but I didn't want to have to write that apology letter for him." Xander nodded but sighed. "So next time, try a *bit* harder?"

"I can do that." He kissed her on the forehead. "I'll try." He disappeared.

Darcy looked up and sighed, shaking her head. "At least he's in daycare today." Jane looked over, shaking her head. "He was polite."

"He was. More than Thor usually is."

Darcy nodded at that, going back to her present topic of research. She would think about her very weird son some day soon to make some plans for him. She had to look at schools soon too. And maybe finding him a role model that wasn't a pirate. Or maybe music. With what the higher ups that had made him come into being apparently thought, he would probably love music a lot.

***


The time came when magic met aliens and Adrian was right there still being weird. And not Asgardian aliens but actual aliens. Unfortunately not nice aliens but still...aliens. With big foreheads and bad attitudes and hated magic. So yeah, Adrian was a huge problem to them. Darcy had to zap a few when they tried to invade the lab building. Jane's bridge turned on and sent a few out of the way. They got sent back fairly quickly so Darcy changed the settings to send them into nothingness. All the while wishing at Xander to show up and help.

Xander showed up and stabbed one in the back that was trying to get in the doorway. Then his axe appeared and he beat a few more. "Really? You're doing this here?"

"You are not to fight unless it's a world ending emergency," D'Hoffryn said as he appeared.

Xander stared at him. "They want my kid, D'Hoffryn. Bite me." He stabbed the next one in the face with the pointy end of his axe's handle. He smiled at Adrian, who was barricaded in the corner behind some machines. "Here, little dude, hold my shiny booty for me please. I'll get it back after I do this." He tossed him the special bracelet and went back to killing aliens. D'Hoffryn was choking and spluttering but oh well!

Jane got the machine to send off the rest of them. A few more appeared up the hallway and Darcy zapped her last zap with the taser's dying battery. Then she had a gun she pulled from Xander's hip. He nodded, handing over a spare clip, and went back to it. "We need some backup."

"Avengers are out in Montreal," Jane called. "I've alerted them, SHIELD, and SWORD. Just proves they're not useful after all. Again."

"That child is an abomination!" one of them shouted at Darcy. Who punched him.

"Oh fucking well!" she shot back then shot him in the huge forehead. She got a few more. Then there were agents showing up. "They're aliens, they want the kiddo," she called. "They hate magic!"

"Gee, I could've done something with that," Xander quipped back. He got another few. "Please, join in. I'm getting out of shape for battles."

The agents got the kid out of the way, took out the aliens, and then moved Jane and Darcy from the lab.

"Hit the blue switch to send more to the void," Jane ordered. "It's preset, has about another twenty zaps left to send them off." Darcy took Adrian to carry, letting Xander have his gun back. More aliens were appearing so the agents got them into a protected SUV and out into the city. The aliens could try to trace them, and probably would manage it somewhat, but they weren't going to win.

Xander grinned, taking his special bracelet back. "Thanks, Adrian. I need to use this. Someone make a damn wish," he ordered. The driver spluttered. "Seriously. Make a damn wish." He put the bracelet on.

"I wish we could defeat those aliens," the driver complained. "Easily."

"Wish granted." Xander reached out with the powers and found a way. "Huh, HYDRA has others in storage." He looked at one guy, grinning. "I think you know them."

"They'll have been brainwashed but they can die protecting the kid and his mom," he offered.

Xander smiled and nodded. "Yes, they can. With bigger weapons too." He disappeared to make that happen, bringing them back to the place where the agents were making a stand. He nodded at Barnes. "They had them in cryo. Their owners are not going to be happy with me stealing them to be cannon fodder."

Bucky flinched but nodded. "Yeah, probably not." He pointed and shouted an order, making them go handle it. "Were they already there?"

"Yeah." Xander nodded with a grin. "Yeah, saved them right after death, revived, put into cryo, brainwashed. And if they die, great! And if not, SHIELD can deal with it since they didn't show up to deal with this shit." He heard the kid fuss and went to help calm him down. "Hey, little dude. It's all right, Adrian. The bad guys are not going to get you." He looked at the bracelet.

"Someone's trying to get you. I need to go damage that fucking sorcerer," he muttered. He sent a text message and Dawn got him to bring him there. "Since you're so damn busy attacking an infant, go defeat the other ones who want him!" He made it a compulsion and sent him out to handle it too. "Fuckers," he muttered in another language. Darcy patted him and hugged Adrian. He walked off humming the 'kill the wabbit' song. He could go help deal with alien idiots. Not the first time!

Thankfully he still had hidden things that he thought the slayers might need.

The girls could get more presents somehow.

One of them unfortunately hit a SHIELD aircraft coming in but it only had to land suddenly. More agents, who didn't have any idea what was going on. "Get the ones with the forehead," Barnes shouted. "They're aliens and trying to take out Foster, Lewis, and the mini Lewis!"

"Got it," someone yelled back.

"When you said you'd see me this month, this is not what I was expecting!" Agent Woo yelled as he jogged from his car, already shooting aliens.

"Sorry, didn't foresee this," Xander quipped back, taking out another one with his axe. "Go guard the kid, Jimmy!"

"Yeah, I can do that." He went inside to check, finding them in a secured room together with agents layered around the building. "Lewis?"

"Get the big headed, anti-magic freaks away from my son!" she shouted back. "And the damn sorcerer guy before he attacks him again!"

"Got it. He good?"

"So far!"

"Okay. Guys, let's up the shielding around that room. We have the portable shields?" They set them up and they did block magic. Thankfully that stopped the sorcerer from going after Adrian again.

Loki appeared grimacing. "Dawn is not amused," he said dryly, strolling out there. "Well, let's see what these dysfunctional beings want."

"They want to end the kid for having magic," Xander quipped. "Go ahead and blow a few up, Loki. I've enjoyed it so far."

"I'm sure I will as well." He did send out a harsh blast of magic, ending a great many of them. They screamed so prettily. He dove into the battle with his sword, taking the side opposite Xander. He had learned to be away from where he was using his axe the hard way once. He didn't forget that lesson or the scar it had caused.

Dawn showed up as well, with a few of the coven. "I don't care if magic is your only weakness and how your society will be destroyed. You don't touch earth's witches. Period." She and the coven members pulled up something and atomized some of the alien forces. Then she pulled her weapon off her back and dove in too. She knew not to get close to Loki or Xander in a battle. She had learned that lesson but had the scar bleached off after she had healed. Both times. It gave them something to push the aliens against.

Thor landed with a big thump and dove in. "What is their problem?" he demanded.

"They loathe magic, it's their only real weakness," Dawn told him. "It'll destroy their people. So yes, it'll be doing that today. They came after Adrian."

"Well, I suppose they could be cowards and flee but I'd rather they not come back," Thor admitted. "Would my hammer help?"

"Yup, sure will," Dawn said. "Pull it out, Thor. Let me branch out using it." She cast a spell at the hammer, letting it amplify the wattage of the magic, and then shot it at the creatures. Who died. A lot. The last few were taken out by Xander and Loki. She sighed, looking at the bodies. "Yuck." She looked at Xander, who nodded. "The sorcerer?"

"Decided to try to attack the kid too. Opportune timing." He undid his compulsion, staring at him. "Leave. Adrian. Alone," he said slowly and clearly in a growl. "Unless you're saving his life." The sorcerer backed off, just nodding for now.

"It would be best if a child under three-years of age did not already have a mortal enemy," Thor agreed, looking at the sorcerer. Who just disappeared. He huffed. "Loki, you did well."

Loki pushed back his sweaty hair. "You were late?"

"We were handling a thing of monsters in Montreal."

"Yeah, the girls up there finished fixing it when they had to leave," Dawn agreed. She yawned. "Damn it. I hate this nap feeling." She looked at the stiffly standing people then at Xander. "You managed to find more brainwashed people?"

"Yeah, the same place we found Britt Britt and Daphne." He leaned on his axe. "They're useful. If they want to be cured, SHIELD can fix that. Or not." He looked at an agent. Then at her again. "Shoo. Thank you."

"Welcome, big brother sort." She disappeared with the witches. When a few more aliens appeared, Dawn's spell hit the as well, gathering up from the remains that had been hit earlier.

Loki looked then ended the spell with a sigh. "One really must teach her how to clean up her messes," he complained lightly. He popped his neck. "Well, I believe we'll call this a job done."

Xander walked over and nodded. "Thank you."

"Welcome. I am entailed to protect him," he said quietly then disappeared with a smirk.

Xander looked at Thor, who grinned. "Thanks."

"You're most welcome. Darcy and her son?" He pointed. "I'll go check on them. They must be angry and fretting." He headed in there to deal with the upset women. No agent was going to get near them at the moment. Adrian had his fingers in his ears and was humming so Darcy could vent. Jane was hugging the little boy so she couldn't hear it either. Thor paused to hug her, getting a hug back. "He is a precious thing and we will protect him." She nodded, heaving a sigh and then hopping up and down a few times to wear out energy. He went in to check on them, getting hugged by Adrian as well. "You did a good job," he promised. "Very good, Adrian."

He grinned. "Thank you!" He went back to his cuddles. They were important for big people to have. His mommy had said so.

Director Coulson walked over a few bodies, then looked at Xander. "What happened?"

"Apparently they came after Adrian."

"All right. Why?"

"They hated magic. Dawn said it was their only weakness."

"Good to know. So they were going to take out the kid?"

"Apparently. I got there because Darcy needed the backup and everyone else ignored it. Even the agents in the building." A few winced and looked away. "So I showed up, I beat some, I shot some, we evacuated to here thanks to the agents finally showing up after about twenty minutes after me, then we made this stand. If there's more I'm going to biobomb their realm." He smiled. "I think it'll be fitting."

"Probably, yes. Calm down please?"

"Hell no!"

"Fine. The..." He coughed. "Agents who are awaiting orders?"

"When we had a few slayers kidnaped by HYDRA I found them there in stasis. So I summoned them to help too. Never can have too much help when you're facing an alien invasion. I learned that lesson before."

"That's reasonable. Are they still under control?"

"Yeah, they are," Bucky yelled from where he was scanning nearby buildings. "Fully. Worse than I was."

"I think theirs is chemical," Xander called back. "No idea. I know they were dirty so I left them there and made a note no one apparently read."

"We can find that out," Coulson decided. "Who did you report to?"

"Kincaid."

"I'll be having a discussion with him by tonight. That is something he should have passed on." He looked. "Barnes, are you comfortable ordering them into a van together so we can handcuff?"

"Yeah, go ahead. They've got restraint marks." He walked over. "Hit the van, people." They trudged that way, letting agents settle them in, handcuff them, and then lock them in the back of the van. He looked at Xander. "Wacky ideas?"

"Well, yeah, I'm known for them," he joked, grinning a bit. "They usually work."

"That they did," Bucky said, looking at the piles of aliens. "That's very gross."

"Yeah and they probably won't decompose like demon bodies." He flinched and pulled a gun when someone new appeared. "Don't do that!"

"Wanted to make sure you didn't need more help," Buffy said, waving a hand. "We had a few that showed up for Willow and her mini witches. Thankfully we were being annoyed and harassed by an agent who took them down for us since we can't really hurt humans."

"They're alien," Xander told her. "Hate magic."

"We heard." She looked around then at him. "You good?"

"I'll release the temper later."

She nodded, looking him over for injuries. "Xander, why do I see a familiar sort of device on you?"

He grinned. "I won it at poker. I'm the gun fairy."

"Oh. Okay then. So full on wishes?"

"Over heros who need help."

"Ah. Yeah, weapons fairy time." She just nodded. "Anyone else?"

"Nope. And if you yell at me I get to shout back."

"Hey, no, not into yelling right now since it wasn't your fault. They came for a witch or someone up here?"

"Darcy's son Adrian."

"Oh, dear. Shit, I sounded like Giles," she muttered, shaking her head. "Okay, so bad day for magic people. Got it. We have any more?"

"Didn't look," Xander admitted. "I showed up to help Darcy."

"Great! Moms need help. Even my mom needed help." She looked around again. "My mom definitely couldn't handle this. Okay, let me get back there, not tell anyone about that pretty bracelet, and are you still working with the minis?"

"Of course. Not like you get to the wilds of this planet."

"Point." She sent a text message and got sent back, staring at the witch that had been scrying. "Don't because you know Willow will have a fit," she said quietly. "And then bring the older guys with her."

"True. How did one win a demonic device in a poker match?"

Buffy shrugged but smiled. "Not the first time! He won a magical nuke once. I have no idea where it went. I have the feeling if he still has it, it'll be going to those aliens as a 'thanks for showing up' present though." She went to make a report to Giles, who was not amused. At all. He was swearing and not in a British upper class old guy way. "Should I go find your leather jacket?" she asked as she leaned around the door. "You sound like you got some of that chocolate again."

"No," he said, waving a hand. "Not in the least, Buffy. What were they?"

"Aliens that can be hurt by magic."

"Charming!" he sneered. "We should show them more."

"Xander was protecting that little guy who had to go to court to protect himself from that sorcerer's group."

"Yes, I suppose he would be," he agreed. He poured himself some water and sipped it. "It's very natural of him to do that." He looked at her. "Yes, I saw what he's wearing," he said quietly. "I wish him a lot of fun being the gun fairy."

"On the news?" she winced.

"No, I was helping with the scrying." He finished his water and put the glass down. "Go rest. In case more show up. Do an inventory of damaged things."

"Got it." She went to pass on those orders. She hated doing the inventory but the girls needed to be calmed down. She could handle that while more math oriented slayers handled the damage report.

Giles went out back to finish his venting. He really did have to calm down soon.

The witches gathered in the kitchen to make bread. Kneading did get one's aggression out wonderfully. Andrew wouldn't mind them saving him some work on dinner.

***

Stark looked at the two ladies, one kid, and the rest of the team that night, plus Agent Woo. "All right, from the top. I've seen the videos. Those forehead people are disgusting." He looked at Jane. "Where did you send them?"

"Nowhere. I didn't set the other end of the bridge. So they're just in the void I guess."

"Good. Means they probably can't be brought back?" She shook her head with Darcy. "Good!" He looked at Darcy. "He okay? I realize he's probably upset."

"So far. Slight nightmare during his nap and super cuddly but about what I'd expect from today's trauma."

"Do we need to find a kid friendly shrink?"

"Shouldn't. I didn't tell him anything about them being bad against magic."

"Excellent." He looked at Agent Woo, who was the only agent allowed in the building right now. "You were seriously handy today." Jimmy grinned at that. "Reports?"

"I've filed it already." He let him see a copy of it. "Coulson took one directly from Xander. I didn't get into what he filed."

"That's reasonable." He read it over. "Okay, something I was not aware of. Strange was under compulsion to fight for the kid?" He tossed the tablet back, looking at Darcy, who nodded. "How?"

"Xander."

"How did he do it?"

She shrugged. "I don't use magic, Stark."

"Point. Okay, so.... Is he not under compulsion?"

"Probably? I've had one blip on his regulating bracelet since then but otherwise they seem to be leaving him alone." Loki showed up and took the bracelet, strolling off. "Did they infect it?"

"I'm going to attach it to the bad idea of the moment." He grinned at her. "That way he quits trying for your son. Dawn's too tired to deal with things right now without going fully evil." She shivered. "Exactly." He smirked and disappeared, going to handle that sorcerer for her before she blew up New York trying to stomp on him and became the greater evil. She'd hate having to hide from the Avengers for the rest of her life; much less shopping that way.

Darcy grinned at her son then at Stark. "I think it's nice he's not making Dawn break a nail."

Thor shifted, shaking his head. "Dawn could rend this planet if she so wished and tried hard enough. We do not want or need that war, Darcy."

"I know. But still nice of her to use a poker debt to keep watch on my boy."

Thor nodded. "It was, yes. Very sweet of her." He looked at Tony again. "She entailed Loki to protect Adrian via poker debt. She does play quite well and the last time she lost was a few years back. We got a sexy dance from her for it because Sif asked it of her."

Tony looked down, sighed, then looked at Darcy again. "Is that why?" She grinned and nodded. "That makes more sense than a lot of the theories going around." He glanced at Clint then at her again. "Is he safe?"

"He'd better be. Because I'll create stuff that'll make Dawn go 'wow, look at that mom temper' if I must."

"Same," Jane agreed. "And I have ideas already."

Darcy grinned at her. "So do I!" She beamed at her. "Including seeing what Xander has in storage in case I'm duplicating. I heard he has some sort of magical nuke."

Jane hummed, tipping her head while considering that. "That could be dangerous."

"True, but... watching tv shows? I've had a few great ideas." She grinned at her then at Stark. "Can you please proof my math for me? I don't think Jane wants involved and I know you probably won't but it's you or Brucie and I doubt he can. I had a slight fever and was watching Stargate."

"Did you figure out the gate system?" he joked, grinning at her.

"No, the base formula for ZPM."

He flinched then nodded. "Yeah, we want that proofed with what happened there, Lewis. Tomorrow good?" She grinned and nodded. "It's locked up?"

"I think so. Jane, did you get to lock stuff up?"

"I did."

"Good." She cuddled Adrian, shifting him some since he was napping on her lap. She looked down. "You need changed, my son." She got up to do that in the bathroom since she had the diaper bag then came back out.

"Could we make a stargate system?" Natasha asked.

Jane looked over and nodded. "Yeah, it'd make it easier to do the bridge being multi-terminus that way. The formula would simplify by nearly a full page."

"I want notes," Stark ordered. She nodded, grinning at him but taking Adrian to cuddle. Darcy let her since she was a favorite auntie. "You two are kinda scary, ladies." They smirked and nodded.

"If you do get into making SG weapons, can I have a zat?" Jimmy asked. "At the first shot, that may be enough to distract a witch going rogue and we've had a few recently."

"Sure," Darcy agreed.

Tony looked down again, shaking his head with a sigh. He looked at Jimmy. "Harris said he used a succuba."

"Yes but I'm not one so I can't pull that up instantly and I don't play kitten poker well enough to have one owing me a debt," he complained. "I have to get him and Dawn to teach me better."

Tony just nodded. "Yeah, could help I guess." He looked at the others. "Any notes we need to make about earlier?"

"How did he find those HYDRA agents?" Steve asked, shifting to cross his feet.

"He had to go rescue a few slayers snatched by them and took down a lab," Jimmy said. He pulled up the file for that, letting him have the tablet. Steve read it over, scowling. "CIA director Kincaid's son was his contact in that part of the world to take reports. The son passed it on to his dad, who didn't want to share it. I had Dr. Simmons hack him earlier to get those and the other reports we didn't have from Harris and his magical mystery tour of training baby slayers."

"Was he Sergeant Pepper?" Tony quipped.

"Yes, in many ways. The one that the town was founded by in the movie, not the Bee Gees in it. Though that is the only good thing they ever did."

"I agree," Darcy said.

"Me too," Tony sighed. "Okay, back on topic. Those agents?"

"Ask Coulson, not my agency," Jimmy said.

"Great. Do we think they'll rehab them?"

"They were HYDRA already," Steve said, tossing back the tablet. "The CIA left them there?"

"They were probably planning on going back when things got more quiet," Stark said.

"Point. Well, I guess SHIELD will have some fun." He crossed his feet in the other direction. "Xander sent Bucky an apology card and a gift to a burger of the month club." He looked at Darcy. "Why was the kid in Wakanda?"

"That was the day of the bridge creation and Xander was babysitting for me so he was safely out of the way of the building going up. Apparently he needed to be in Wakanda for a minute." She shrugged. "No clue. I'm just happy my son was polite and nice to them. Though I am trying to break the whole ransom thing. Again."

"Good luck," Jane quipped. Clint snickered but nodded. "Teach him not to steal the coffee for it too please."

"Fine. You're the one who taught him what decaf was."

Natasha shook her head then sighed. "He is a bit...weirder than most children but very nice to be around. He has manners, which many don't. He's very sweet, Darcy." She grinned and nodded. "Though he does seem to like weapons?"

"He's been playing with Mew-Mew since he could walk. He tripped over it about an hour after figuring out locomotion and it's been his playmate since then." She shrugged. "We don't let him have bad ones usually. Groo the shield is still being gently petted while he talks to it about how to make it a puppy house with his legos." Steve grinned. Clint burst out laughing. "He's watched when he has anything but those two. We learned how to do that when he took my tazer the first time and nearly got Erik for sneaking into the lab to steal the coffee."

Jane sighed, cuddling him better. "He was so proud Adrian could zap him like his mommy would."

Tony looked at them then at Natasha. "You can teach him yours."

"I could, yes. I may some day."

"We figured out something. It's not well known but his daddy was sterile and I was on an IUD plus we used a condom and he still came to be. We think the higher ups somewhere had a plot to fill in a gap."

Tony stiffened, staring at her. "Your mentor's mentor."

"We think so, yeah. We think he might be the next version." She shrugged. "I'm wondering if I should teach him about music."

"Teach him about club music. Maybe he'll be a DJ." Stark rubbed over his face. "So we can watch out for that."

"Someone suggested we teach him about ninjas so he learns martial arts," Clint offered with a grin for the ladies. Who smirked back and Darcy shook her head. "You sure?"

"Not yet. Let him get older."

"Fine."

"Work on limber exercises and balance ones since he's mid growth again."

"I can do that. He had a lot of fun on the balance beam we have." She grinned at that.

Natasha shook her head. "I've seen him doing minor yoga poses with Thor. I can help with that." They grinned and nodded at her for that offer. "He's making a purple face?"

Darcy took him back to go back to the bathroom, letting him finish pooping into the toilet like a big boy. "He hates to be wiped clean," Jane told them. "We're working on potty stuff."

"It's good for him," Jimmy agreed.

Tony nodded at that. "It seems normal to me too." Loki showed back up frowning. "He's in the bathroom."

"Not that." He tossed Jane the bracelet but Thor grabbed it from her. "Thor?"

"That's not Loki." Jane fired off her mini laser at the being, knocking him out. It did indeed change into someone they didn't know. Thor hummed in pleasure but let the agents handle it for now. "He clearly has magic," he warned.

"Probably one of the sorcerers," Happy Hogan said as he came off the elevator. He helped carry the not-Loki off.

Tony took the bracelet to look at, tucking it into his pocket. "We'll figure out what that would do later." He looked around. "Any other things we have to go over?" No one said anything. "Then go rest, people. With our luck there'll be a 2am call out." They wandered off, mostly in a group. Jimmy stayed to stare at Jane and wait on Darcy.

Maybe Tony could convince Lewis that the agent they actually *liked* could be a good stepdaddy to her special little spawn.

***

Darcy walked into the symposium with Adrian on her hip, smiling as she signed in and took her name badge. She wasn't speaking today, even if someone asked nicely, but there were a few people she wanted to listen to. This event was for new scientists to present their dissertations and work to a wider audience.

Adrian would probably be asleep fairly quickly until the usual fights broke out - there was always one stupid one trying to make a name for himself. Jane and Thor were behind her somewhere because Jane wanted to hear someone tonight and Thor wanted to use the hotel room that he didn't have to clean up.

Darcy settled down in a chair, smiling at Adrian. "It's like a story but with science and math. You're gonna love it." Adrian grinned, going back to playing with his happy meal car toy he had gotten earlier on their way here. She looked over as someone sat beside her, nodding at the blond guy. "Hey. Adrian, can you say hi?"

He looked up. "Hi!" He smirked at him and waved the car. "Be nice to Mommy or I hit you with Mew Mew."

"Mew Mew's upstairs with Thor and quit threatening people," she sighed. "Sorry, he's been highly protective recently."

"Some kids do." He stared at him. "You studied under Sidney."

"Dr. Ian Malcolm? Yeah, he was my mentor in my graduate studies." She grinned. "He said that name is his maiden name."

"Oh." He nodded, getting comfortable. "Think he'd talk to me?"

"No idea. He was handling a few of his new kids opening an accidental portal to a fairy world the last I heard. I sent him closing instructions and how to prevent it by smacking someone upside their pointy head."

The guy nodded. "That could definitely help sometimes. Why so many portals suddenly?"

"Some of it's like proving fantasy novels. Most geeks are geeks who read fantasy stuff and probably played D&D so they're proving it. In New York it's been really easy recently thanks to a battle that the Sorcerer Supreme did. Something in that destabilized the matrix to put it simply. So they're easy to rip and make one. Those kids just opened one into a Fey court." She winced and moved Adrian's car from her shirt. "It doesn't park there."

"Sorry, Mama." He grinned at the staring people sitting in front of them. "Are you telling science stories?"

"Not this time," he said with a smirk for Darcy. "The wife of one of us?"

"Dr. Darcy Lewis, Astroelectrical engineering." She smirked. "No, he's mine. He wanted to learn more science stuff too so he's not like the faulty ones who work up the floor and pout about being less than Dr. Foster."

He winced. "Oooh, you're her." Darcy smirked and nodded. "That's interesting. Are you speaking?"

"Not even if someone asks nicely."

"Pity. I wanted to ask you about the mirror formula."

"I've gotten the curve *about* right but it's still a few millimeters off per hundred miles." The guy pouted. "If you curve too sharply you go the other way. It needs a thirteen to fifteen percent curve to the walkway but then a correction at the end."

"Next year?"

She grinned. "Very likely." He nodded, turning around to make notes. She looked at the guy again, shrugging some. "I had a slight fever and he wouldn't sleep." The blond guy just nodded. She texted her mentor, who sent back that the guy was magical, was still infected with whatever made them evil, and to say hi for him. "Dr. Ian said hi." She looked at him. "And said you're of the sort that tried to get him?"

"Not into that. I'm not one of them."

"Good. I'd hate to have an incident here. It'd rob Thor and Jane of nookie time to back me up." He smirked but nodded. "And he said hi."

"I'll pop around on him later this week to take him to lunch." She sent that and nodded, showing him the answer about when was a good time. "Thank you, Dr. Lewis."

"Welcome." He strolled off happier. She put her phone up and settled in, listening to the guy who was up on stage to start his talk about something he clearly didn't understand. He was using something of Jane's to warp it for something weird. She sent a note to Jane. Jane stomped in a few minutes later to demand answers, making the poor post-graduate guy stutter but answer her.

At the end, Jane stared at him. "I need a new assistant. Darcy's doing too much of her own stuff. Show up tomorrow." She walked off, grinning at Darcy. "Teach him how to make coffee."

"Of course, Jane. Have fun with Thor before you come back tonight." Jane smiled as she walked off, happier now. She looked at the staring guy, shrugging some. "She tried that and it nearly ate Arizona for about an hour. We don't need that tonight."

"Thank you, Miss Lewis."

"Dr."

"Sorry, Dr. Lewis." He shivered, cleared his throat, and got back to his speech and proofs. She took notes on her phone while Adrian looked confused. Darcy whispered in his ear, making him nod and go back to his car toy.

The next scientist, an older woman, showed up and apologized for messy math. Someone did note to her how to fix that as she explained it. She'd get to talk to someone about an internship after all this. When someone flew in using knock off Iron Man armor she took film for Tony. He'd be amused since it was using a nuclear power based battery. Almost cold fusion but not quite. Of course, the thing was overheating so he had to use a fire extinguisher on it. Once the guy was done, Darcy sent the film to Stark's email and watched the one she really wanted to listen to. She had good ideas. Was interesting. Was smarter than Darcy was. She raised a hand. "What are you planning on using that formula you put up accidentally for and what was it actually for?"

"Dr. Lewis?" she asked.

"That looked more interesting. The safe topic you have right now is great. And interesting. I can see many ideas using the base biological formula for breeding endangered species actually." The woman beamed. "What's the other one for, Dr. Melissa?"

"Um, it was something I just started. Back towards my masters thesis on star drift patterns and star drift specifically." She looked at her board then at her. "It's nothing near Dr. Foster's work."

Darcy nodded. "Not what I'm thinking. See me after this?"

She beamed. "Please! I've wanted to write you both to see if you had measurement data I can use."

"Probably. If not, I may know a way to get some." The woman beamed and nodded.

"No poaching. It's trashy," a male voice called.

"Sir, I'm not a student now," Dr. Melissa said. "So I'm not your intern. They won't let me work at the college anymore."

He scowled. "We'll talk about that." He looked over. "Hands off, Lewis."

"Fine." She waved a hand with a grin. "See me later about data from the space ship I know about."

"You do?" she demanded.

"Yeah. I know of where one is." She smirked a bit. "And met an alien who didn't want to kill me."

"Wow. Please, Dr. Lewis."

"Gladly. We'll see if I can help with data." She looked at her son then at the old teacher, grinning at him. He was still scowling but she got off the stage so the next newly graduated doctor could go over his talk. Darcy listened but grimaced. He had the personality of a wet paper towel and the math skills of a squirrel. A few people were noting his math was wrong but the guy was pouty about it. Darcy raised a hand. "He transposed too," she called. "I haven't heard anyone mention that. Third line, second parentheses in."

The math people came up to redo the formula, which made his idea invalid and not workable. They went to the next one quickly and that one made Darcy almost wince at the evil. She casually glanced around, finding a few SHIELD science geeks there. They could hopefully handle that. Finally someone asked what she wanted to know.

"Did you actually work out the mathematical formula to find out how many people you had to kill in a group to make sure they couldn't breed enough to recover?" Dr. Malcolm demanded as he stomped in. The guy spluttered but stomped off. "I hope there's some agents here."

One smirked at him and nodded. "Yes, we are interested as well." One of them went to follow that pouty idiot to have him...recruited.

Ian sat down beside her and Adrian stared then grinned and ran his new toy car up his arm instead of over his mother's thighs and stomach. He looked over. "Am I a highway?"

He grinned and nodded. "Special car with special gas stuff. All sciency."

Ian smiled, patting him on the head. "Hopefully some day you can discover that, Adrian." The next person finished setting up and gave his talk. And it was interesting, but pointless. Darcy sighed. "I know," he agreed quietly. "Repetitive." She nodded a bit. The person didn't get heckled off the stage but was asked by the person she had redone the work of where she was going with that.

She put up her next bit of work to show him and he was amused. Maybe even pleased. So she might have a job offer later too. Darcy let him see the film she had taken, making Ian moan. Which made Darcy react like a woman who hadn't had anything but her hand for the last few months. He stared at her. She shrugged but smirked at him, going back to playing with Adrian and his car toy.

Ian looked at his student as she got up there to give her speech. She had to sit on the stage then stand up because she couldn't make it up the stairs. "Please let her rip them for not being accessible," he muttered. His student did quip about that, making a few people blush. Then she went into her work, which wasn't exciting but it was good. Darcy asked a few questions and that one gladly answered them. Jane and Thor came in and Jane asked something, which the post doc geek said she had went over but answered in better detail. Jane came up to look at her math, nodding. She looked at the geek. "She's into biology, Foster," Ian called.

"She and the geek that did the species formula should work together," Darcy agreed. This geek grinned at her for that. Jane agreed and gave her an idea, which she led the younger doctor off to work on with her for now.

Ian grinned. "She's excellent."

"She has patience today too, Thor reloaded that reserve for her," Darcy agreed. The next one came up to clear the stage and go into his demonstration of new tech. Well 'new' tech that Stark had done ten years ago. It was smaller and lighter now at least. Stark himself got a call and she took video of that one for him. He was growling so she hung up on him. "He wanted me to make notes of anyone who he might want to interview," she said quietly when a few people stared at her.

"Does his lab have openings?"

She shrugged. "No clue. You'd have to ask him."

They sighed but nodded, going back to listening to the newest new doctor of engineering babble about new materials for construction use. Someone asked about the comparison to the current materials so he went over that in better detail. Darcy made notes about him and his ideas. That was up Tony's alley. The geek was a bit weaker too, clearly could use someone big and bad to protect them and their ideas. He'd be chewed on in a regular lab. She unfortunately spotted Justin Hammer coming in and rolled her eyes.

Ian caught it and looked where she was. That got another eye roll from him. He leaned closer to her. "Can we use the plate system to yeet him into space?" he hissed.

"Don't tempt me." She smirked a bit when Hammer stared at them. Then her other geek to listen to was there and speaking. He was...weird. Fairly interesting ideas but no follow through. She sighed. "I was hoping he'd be a good fit," she muttered.

Ian nodded. "He is." He looked at her. "He can back up your ideas." She nodded, making notes on his work and ideas. And personality. She kept Adrian from getting down to go wander. Even when he dropped his car. It got handed to him by Ian, earning him a grin for it. The blond guy came back when they got up to wander and talk to people. Darcy picked a spot in the corner to talk to the one who wanted data and the new geek got waved over too. He looked confused but walked over. Ian stared at his former friend/bandmate/coworker. "Hey."

"Hey. You okay?"

"I'm actually doing okay, yeah."

"She's cute. Smart."

"I'm not dating at this time. I'm still recovering from the divorce." Tommy winced but nodded once. "How's everyone?"

"Decent enough. Buckaroo was really energized by Lewis' mirror thing." He shifted his stance. "She's paranoid," he said quietly.

"For a good reason. They came after her son."

"I saw. That was messy." He grimaced but let it clear up. "Lunch?"

"We have about an hour before they start talking again." He grinned. "Get me for a beer with dinner."

"Sure. You can share how you probably barbequed a dino and how it tasted."

"Gamey. Too tough too. Needed to be stewed instead." That got a laugh and Tommy walked off happier. He settled in to talk to his students, who had done okay. One he sent at Lewis, getting a look around the son's head at him. He waved a hand but got back to interviewing his newest pack of kids to mentor into geeks. Until someone released a gas in the room. "Aww, hell!" he said loudly. He took someone's gum to block up the canister before it affected anyone.

Darcy put Adrian down on a chair. "Stay there, dear." She walked over and zapped the guy, making him scream. "Your genocidal fuckhead theories were bad enough and now you're trying to gas attack us? I'll be damned!" She got him again. "You'd better *pray* some SHIELD agent wants to take you from me." He tried to punch her but someone else punched him and Thor was there to cart the guy off again. "Find out what the gas was, Thor?" she called after him.

"It's for breeding the right sorts," another person yelled. "It was his master's thesis with his girlfriend's help but she went to prison for testing it."

"Great! Is it actually working?"

"No."

"Even better since my son's in here." She went back to cuddle him again. She could shake and curse quietly while cuddling. The other SHIELD science crew went to talk to that guy. With the agent who had let him go free. They got better agents there to handle it. The guy still got away from them and came back in to yell at Darcy.

"You should be breeding not making up things!" he shouted at her.

She handed the baby to a geek then took it from him to hand to Ian, who cuddled him and waved a hand. Darcy stomped over to get into his face, shouting back about women in engineering and science and poking him on the chest until the guy whimpered and backed down. Then she punched him again. Twice this time before Thor tried to intervene. "No, I've got it since SHIELD didn't." She hit him again. "Now, what do you think women in science can do?" He burst out crying.

"Exactly! We've been here all along, little turd. Marie Curie was a double Doctor. Hedy Lamar was pretty and talented beyond making the stuff that created the internet and GPS and wifi. Women are *exceptional* at science because you guys let your emotions block you up like a cheese shit." She kicked him. "Never, ever come near another woman and expect her to just be a handmaiden to your greatness. You're not worthy of us. Now, do you want to talk about any other topic today?"

"No," he cried. "You're evil!"

She smirked. "Only if I'm driven there by stupid, especially self entitled little men who're trying to compensate for premature ejaculation problems by pumping themselves up into thinking they're gods. Trust me, real gods don't have that sort of problem or the tiny little prick you're thinking with." She kicked him on the side again. "Get the fuck up and go politely request that someone save you from me."

He got up and scrambled off, getting caught by Thor to be brought back. She smiled and waved. "Have a great life and I hope you finally find the true root of science, which isn't ego." She huffed and walked over, taking her son back with a grin. "Thanks for the holding, Dr. Malcolm. I've already told him how he should study under you some day soon." She went back to her corner seat to go back to talking to the new geeks.

He smiled at her back. "Not a problem. I should teach him music."

She looked over. "I thought about that topic but he needs to be a bit older. Right now he's just into noise. Stark wanted him to learn to DJ though."

He nodded. "He could use a good one for his parties." He went back to talking to his kids. The others had more gossip this time. Something new to talk about and it made a few worry about Lewis going evil but she was a mom. If she went evil it was because someone went near her son.

***

Ian looked at his former band mate that night over dinner, sipping his beer. "So, did he send you to find me?"

"No. He's pouting today. His anniversary would've been next week." He sipped his own wine and put the glass down. "Are you happy doing chaos?"

"I actually am. It explained a lot that I didn't understand about Buckaroo at the least." He dug into his burger, glancing around. "I can't believe SHIELD left their geeks here without backup again." He shook his head, taking a bite.

"They probably won't need it after earlier. TMZ and others reported Thor being heroic by carting off the genocidal idiot."

Ian smirked a bit. "They like to do that." Stark stomped in and right to where Jane was. "Good, maybe he'll rescue a few from Hammer," he said loudly enough that Jane heard and smirked at him. He looked at his former bandmate again. "Any other happy news?"

"Not at the moment. Rawhide's come back."

"Good for him. It's probably happier for him."

"Do you still do medicine?"

"Now and then. I got asked to consult recently on an interesting post-poisoning case that had energy instabilities as well as demon taint." He grinned a bit. "Very interesting. I would've written it up but it might endanger him again." He ate another bite.

Darcy strolled in, handing Tony a copy of her notes. "From earlier." She pinched him on the arm with a grin. "Two people asked if the labs had openings, I told them to ask you. I may have found an intern of my own too." She walked off.

"I'd like to see the proof of your little tablet thing," Hammer called.

Darcy smirked at him. "We can do that." He flinched back. "Ask the ones who went." She got a drink and walked off. "Thor, your half-brother is down. Heimdall sent him off before he slugged him I guess. Or that's what he was muttering."

"Balfor?" Thor guessed. Darcy nodded, walking off sipping the beer. "I'll talk to him later. Give him my greetings, Darcy."

"Yup. I did."

Thor grinned at Jane. "She is an excellent diplomat at times."

"She is. She can disagree with you while making you think she's agreeing." She got back into her pasta dish. "I found two, Stark, and one who needs data. Darcy wanted to share some of our joint data with her."

Stark waved a hand. "Go for it as long as it doesn't create something we have to fix." He walked off reading the notes. The one with the Iron Man tech got found first. He really wanted to talk to him. He found him with SHIELD agents but oh well. He walked past and walked the guy off by hauling on his arm. "Let's go talk."

"Mr. Stark," the guy spluttered. "I'm a huge fan!"

Stark smirked. "It is actually Dr. Stark and I'd guess that with what you showed off earlier. So let's go talk, kid."

"Yes, sir." He followed along like a handcuffed puppy.

Ian Malcolm grinned. "Science is much more interesting than medicine most of the time. Even if most conferences do have just as many drunk and annoying people, we get whole new realms of entertainment." He ate more of his burger, watching as his friend laughed.

Thor looked over. "It's been most amusing even with the drunk ones creating." He looked at one corner pointedly. "I do not wish to have to manifest my hammer as tonight is Jane's night to talk to people." That group blushed and ducked their heads. "Thank thee."

Jane just nodded. "I've had some very interesting ideas thanks to tequila too." A few others giggled at that but they all understood what happened when science mixed with alcohol - usually it came with explosions added. A fire alarm started and then they heard gunfire. Jane sighed. "Thor, go get Darcy," she ordered. He nodded, hurrying off while the rest of them brought their dinner out with them. The gunfire probably wasn't about them. Or Stark.

Nope, it was about the genocidal guy. "Beekeepers," she muttered. She looked in her bag, taking out a plate and tossing it in front of them and setting up the remote. It went to a ship that wasn't Xander's ship. Stark had set up an experimental landing pad up there in what was basically a cargo container with minimal life saving capabilities and space. If they didn't make it, well, no one really cared. If they did, they couldn't do much but whine and wait to be rescued.

She set it off as soon as some got close enough. A few more tried to rescue them. Stark pushed a few that were trying to attack him and the geeks there, making them stumble into the radius. Jane thought about clocking Hammer to make him go with them but he might do something odd to the pod and create a dangerous situation.

Darcy came over with something, using a marker on it. It got turned on and she tossed it at a few others. "Catch!" They did and then screamed as they got eaten by whatever was on the other side of the mirror. She grinned and waved at the remaining ones. "You're trapped between my portal, Jane's portal, and Stark. With SHIELD people behind you. Are you that stupid?"

"Yes, they are," Jane reminded her. "Remember, they're the ones that thought you were my mother."

"Oh, yeah, I didn't forget that." She shifted her stance. "Keep it up." She threw out something when they tried to escape, penning them in. They screamed as the energy field ate them. "Drunk science, bitches!" Hammer ran up to her so she shoved him that way.

"Don't touch." He spluttered but she walked off. She took her son back from Thor and Baldor. "Thanks for the holding, guys. Go be heroic studs so they're rescued. Watch out for Hammer, he's probably got some contact nastiness waiting to infect you with cooties." She looked at her sleepy son.

"C'mon, we'll go lay down. It's time for a nap." She headed for the parking area. An agent followed her. She gave him a pointed look and he backed off, holding his hands up. "Thanks." She got into her car, put him into the carseat since it was next to her, and drove off. Her little economy two seater was just enough car for them. Good on fuel efficiency too.

Stark shook his head with a sigh. "We really have to let that whole lab have a vacation week," he called.

Jane grinned and waved. "We'd like that. Thor really wanted to go see Australia again. I could use some bikini math time too."

Stark grinned and waved back. "Taking Lewis?"

"No, then I'd never get to have bikini math time. The kid can't really do the beach that way, Stark."

"Point." He walked off, walking over someone on the ground. "Let me know if we need more help."

"Mr. Stark," one geek said quietly, holding up an envelope. "I'm working on my diss on nanite tech. Can I have you read it over and give me an idea where I've bitten off more than I will ever chew?"

"Send it to the lab," he said with a nod. "In care of Pepper. She'll make sure I see it. Sending it to me means I'll put it down and forget it's there until a robot sets it on fire." She grinned, making a note on that so she could mail it that night. He grinned at the staring SHIELD people. "Someone's got to follow in my footsteps since I don't have a kid. Unless I warp Lewis' son."

"He'll be the best armored pirate ever," Dr. Simmons said with a grin and a wave from her spot. "Your tech and the weapons we've seen him loving on?"

He smirked back. "Someone promised him the pirate ship they won in a poker game." She moaned, shaking her head. He walked off happier.

Dr. Fitz looked over, patting her on the arm. "Hopefully the little one will follow any we have as well."

She swatted him but looked happier at that. "Ours had better not become an Avenger."

He grinned. "Of course not. They'll run the first lab on Mars." She grinned and nodded.

"Habitat domes are a complex engineering process and something someone in here is probably working on," one of the professors quipped. He sipped his beer. "Even if it's just a hobby."

A few people nodded and came over to talk to the two doctors about that and their ideas on how to teraform or at least inhabit Mars.

"Hopefully we'll never run into a species like that show Earth 2 did," one said at someone's comment about keeping out threats. The others looked that up and mostly groaned.

***

Adrian was helping his mom pick up stuff at the generic superstore, which he hated, but he saw something. "Mommy, booty!" he shouted, bouncing in the cart as he pointed and cheered. "Mine!"

She looked then at him. "That's cardboard. It won't stand up to you playing with the booty you collected," she said, letting him see it. A few other parents were giggling at that. "See, it's not fit for a *real* pirate. It's meant for fake ones." He pouted, cuddling it. "You can have a trunk if you want one." She took him to look at the trunks by the luggage. "See, there's this kind. They're wood on the inside so they're strong enough to hold a lot of booty."

He leaned over to look at it then frowned at her. "Rough, Mommy. Would hurt the booty."

"It won't hurt the coins. We can look online to find a trunk that's better." He nodded, letting her put the cardboard one down. She did a quick search on Etsy, finding them from thirty dollars to over three thousand for an antique. She couldn't afford that one so she wouldn't be letting Adrian pick. She found a cute one and considered it. "Okay, it looks like we can find one on payday, Adrian."

He pouted and whined. She stared at him. "Money doesn't just appear, son. I can't use lab funds to buy you pirate gear. I'd get in trouble and go to jail for it. So payday." He nodded, settling down. She finished picking up what they needed and took him back to their apartment to put the pouty one down for the night. She spotted a few people watching her but she recognized one from SHIELD so maybe it wasn't a problem.

Someone did try to follow them in the parking lot so she kept the cart with them. It meant her hands were free of Adrian and bags in case she needed to pull her tazer or her pepper spray. Which she did. "Get away from my kid." The agent backed away. "Thank you. Car, Adrian." He scrambled in and she hip nudged the door shut once her purse and bags were in there. "You needed something?"

"We think you can be of great use to SHIELD, Dr. Lewis."

"I think SHIELD's weak and late to everything. Including when the lab was invaded by aliens and they were only a few floors away." She stared at him. "I don't think I'm going to be taking them up on their offer. Thank you anyway and you can tell Coulson I said that."

"That's a bad mistake," the agent warned. "SWORD can't protect you."

"I don't work with them either." She stared him down until he smirked. "I think you need to go away before I finish dialing the on-call agent for SHIELD to make sure you're actually one." Someone shot the guy and walked out of the shadows. "Great. Thanks for the rescue but no thanks." She got into the car and started it, driving off quickly, calling the tower to warn the guards what had happened. She hitched Adrian in after a block, when she was sure they were safe enough for a minute. Officers were waiting when she parked, getting out with her son and the bags. "Let's get out of the garage," she ordered. One nodded, following her and the kid up to the lobby area. "I have no idea if that guy was an agent or not."

"We got the film, ma'am."

"Dr. Darcy Lewis. This is my son Adrian."

"All right. The one that got shot wasn't an agent that they admitted to," one of the officers said. She sighed but nodded. "Did you recognize him?"

"I saw him in a coffee room the last time I had to drop something at SHIELD for Stark a few weeks back." She swallowed. "I have no idea what that was about beyond them trying to get me to work for them instead. Which I don't want to."

"All right. Are you an engineer?" another officer said.

"Astroelectrical physics."

The officer considered that. "So nothing weapons related or anything like that?"

"Probably not but I could figure out how to build a space ship drive probably. If someone figured out the mechanics of how an engine should work I could find how to power it."

"Okay," he said, nodding and writing that down. "Did you see anything else odd?"

"I was working on containing the pouty one there who found a cardboard pirate's chest that won't stand up to how he plays with his ransoms and booty treasures. Looking up better alternatives on Etsy while keeping him from grabbing more shiny things for his auntie to coo over with him."

"Many moms do," Happy agreed, coming over. "You good?"

"It's nearly wine o'clock again. They said they wanted me to come in to work for SHIELD. I told them no, I told them Coulson hadn't asked and I thought SHIELD sucked because they're slower than hell when things happen." Happy grinned at that. "I mentioned the last assault we had here that they were two floors away for most of it."

"True." He looked at the sleeping kid then at her. "Then one walked out of the shadows?" She nodded. "Showy."

"I'm pretty sure they can match him to the brainwashed ones Xander called," she said quietly.

He called up that video and let the officers see it. They selected one and looked him up. "Yeah," Happy said. "He was a HYDRA agent." He looked at her. "Good instincts."

"Bad nerves," she quipped back. "I need to go crap myself."

"We'll make sure your apartment is safe tonight. Where's the boss?"

"Probably still at the conference talking to the new geeks. There was one who redid some of his older ideas with some new tech."

Happy winced. "He's going to be up all night. I'll warn Pepper." He looked at the officers. "Is she in trouble?"

"No," one of them said. "The higher ups are not amused. Including the agents that're bothering him."

"I feel the same way about most agents," Darcy admitted. "They've been very present recently."

Happy nodded. "They have but somehow manage to not be in the right spot at the right times." Adrian snorted and woke up, glaring at everyone until Darcy cuddled him back to sleep. Happy grinned at her. "You're good."

"I try. Jane helped a lot. He used to set her eating schedule sometimes." She looked at the officers, who nodded for her to go. Happy escorted her up to her apartment and she locked them in to put the baby down, have some wine, and then have a slight panic attack that they had been attacked again.

Maybe they needed to move to a safer area to work on science and pirate things.

***
part 5 by Voracity2
"Yarr! Give me booty or be a hostage!" a tiny voice shouted, waking Bucky up suddenly from his nap. The agent squealed and ran off, mostly because Adrian had his mommy's tazer this time. "Fine, I'll hunt you down for ransom later!" he called after him. He heard panting and looked around a chair. "Sorry! Not see you. You not hostage or ransom. You're too big for that." Bucky stared at him so Adrian nodded. "You are! Big like Lil Jon!" He grinned. "Mommy's a fox like Marian too." He blew a kiss. "You nap, Lil Jon bear! You need a nap. I sorry I woked you." He ran off giggling. "I have to find hostages for booty! Silver booty if I'm a good boy!"

Bucky stared after the kid. "What?" he demanded quietly. A video got put on the tv so he watched it. "Okay. I like that version of Little John at least. And he's not rapping." He was so confused.

Darcy came up the hallway huffing. "Did my little monster of a son come this way?"

Bucky pointed. "He's chasing hostages with a tazer." She groaned but nodded. "He told me I'm not a ransom because I'm too big and I'm like Little John."

"He loves that version of Robin Hood. And Men in Tights too actually. Totally my fault. I'm sorry he bothered you."

"No, I had a nap until he ran off someone. I don't think they were supposed to be up here anyway."

She grinned. "He's good at that."

"He said you're a fox like Maid Marian."

She blushed and ducked her head. "That's sweet but I'm still going to ground him from swimming in his silver booty for a few days for this. He knows better than to steal my tazer or go hunt down hostages to ransom off." She walked off happier. Her son had some manners! Even if he was scaring people. She found her son standing on top of a girl who was probably not a nice one with how much leather she was wearing in that catsuit of hers, and she was unconscious but he had clearly tazed her. He looked so proud.

"Did you steal my tazer?" she demanded. "You know you have to ask." He squeaked and jumped, staring at her. "Really, Adrian. We need to talk about all this. You're not allowed to hurt people unless they're trying to hurt someone you know like you or me or Bethany." She took the tazer back, discharging the cartridge then putting it into her pocket.

She picked up her son. "Let's go have another talk because you're now grounded from swimming in your booty for *days*." He sniffled and pouted but put his head on her shoulder as she carried him off. "Mistress of the Universe AI, can you tell someone about her in case she needs help?"

"I've already alerted security, Dr. Lewis. She's not exactly a nice girl."

"Figures. Just like his daddy." The AI giggled but left it there. She took her son to the caf to talk to him about being a *good* boy and not a pirate all the time. He had to be a good boy or they might have to leave if he hurt someone. Or upset someone too much. She even denied his whining for cookies. Someone tried to give him one anyway. "Nope. He stole my tazer and zapped someone after waking up someone innocent from his nap."

"I not see him!" Adrian complained.

She stared at him. "You're supposed to check, Adrian. You can't be bothering people here. Especially the ones upstairs. Remember, they do really hard things and need to rest, not to be bothered by little guys who want to play with their weapons." Adrian pouted again. The agent walked off nibbling the cookie, happier now.

"I'm a good pirate."

"You need to be a good boy, not just a good pirate."

"Mean!"

"Yay." She smirked. "Keep it up, watch me tell Grandma."

"Ooh. Very mean." He pouted more but he knew the rules. And the consequences. No cookies and no swimming in his booty for a week was really mean though. "We movie?"

"Maybe later." She gathered him up, taking him to get Jane and her coffee then back to the lab area. He didn't even get any of his special coffee so he got to pout in the corner until someone loved him again. Maybe he needed a minion instead of a hostage for ransom. He had heard his auntie talking about minions before. Maybe he needed one of those to do whatever minions did. It might even be a nice one his mommy would like. She could use some happy times again.

Darcy looked over at her very weird little boy then at Jane, who shrugged. They had no idea, they weren't boys.

"Mommy, what are minions for?"

"Paperwork," she said dryly. "And other boring things."

"Oh." He went back to his thinking. He needed to get his mommy a minion. She had to do a lot of boring things like math. Their lab helpers came in and he came to help by handing them papers from each other. He even got to deliver a few to other labs. He ran into his hero and stared up at him until Bruce looked down. Adrian held up the envelope with a grin. "From Mommy and Auntie Jane. What're minions for?"

"They're for doing things you don't want to have to do." He took the envelope. "It's like a lesser intern only they have fewer real jobs."

"Oh. Mommy could have one?"

"No, she has lab helpers instead, Adrian." He grimaced but nodded. "Who taught you about minions? Did you see the movies?"

"Minion movies?"

"Yeah, there's a few."

"Auntie talked about minions. Said she could use a few." He leaned closer and grinned. "Mommy should have and they could make her giggly." He beamed and nodded. "Mommy should be happy."

"Your mom should be happy," he agreed with a nod. "A few new lab helpers could help. You should ask her to watch the minion movies with you." He heard someone outside shouting about kids in the lab and sighed. "Did you run into him?" Adrian looked then shook his head. "Huh. Wonder why he's shouting then. Let me walk you back to your mom's lab so you're safe from the yelling." He did that and went to butt into it. "What's going on?" he demanded. "There's almost none of us that have children and I'm sure the parents are making sure their children are safe enough."

"It's not safe!" he shouted with a point. "She's playing with chemicals and it'll hurt our child!"

Bruce looked at that geek, who rolled her eyes. "You're pregnant?"

"I am. And I'm a chemist. My ex-husband is just a moron."

"That can happen." Bruce looked at him. "There's lab protocols for how chemists do things while pregnant. As long as she's following them she's generally safe unless one of the engineers around here blows up a building." The man flinched back. "Second, you're disturbing a lot of us. Yelling like that could make us flinch and accidentally blow up the building. Third, if you're her ex-husband then you really have no say in her life anymore. I'm sure she's taking all the precautions she can as she works."

"She should be at home!" the man complained.

"That would hinder her work and put her years behind for every six months of maternity leave she took."

"She won't need to come back, she'll be dealing with the child!"

"Plenty of geniuses have children," Bruce said dryly. "There's nineteen in the daycare downstairs. And one in the lab right now being a lab helper to an astrophysicist. Her being a chemist doesn't mean she automatically has to stay at home with the child. That's a decision she'll have to make for herself. Especially since you're a former husband not a current one."

Jane walked over holding Adrian. "What's his problem?"

"His ex is a pregnant chemist." Bruce looked at her. "He needs to watch the minion movies."

"Darcy thought that might make him want to be an evil overlord instead of a pirate."

"That could be," he agreed, patting the kid on the head.

Stark strolled up to them with Happy behind him. "There's no yelling on the lab floors unless you just caused property damage. Also, I'm going to make sure you can't get near her again via restraining order. This is going to be noted so if she disappears we'll look at you first." The man stomped off. He looked in there. "You good?"

"I'm fine. That's why we got divorced after six months. He's very traditional and I don't fit that stereotype. Thank you, guys. And you, Adrian. I hope my future kid is so neat."

Adrian looked confused. "Not new kid?"

"She's carrying a baby," Jane told him. "In a few months she'll have a new baby. Who'll have to grow up for a few years to get closer to your age."

"Ooooh. I've seen babies." He got down and came over to pat her on the hand. "Your baby will be nice." He grinned. "Maybe sometimes naughty too. I show him booty?"

"When he's old enough to appreciate it you can definitely teach him to covet booty," she promised, smiling as she petted down his hair. "You're a good boy most of the time." He grinned and nodded.

"He's grounded the rest of the week for trying to chase down a new hostage," Jane admitted, leaning on the doorway. "His mom even said he couldn't have cookies."

"Well, sometimes that has to happen," the chemist agreed. "I'm sure he'll be a good boy after this." Adrian nodded, hugging her arm then heading back to cuddle his idol. Everyone but Bruce grinned at that. Bruce just patted him and let Jane have him back. He went back to his lab to make notes about this in case it became a court case.

Darcy came in blushing about an hour and a half later, swatting him on the arm. "Don't give my son ideas please."

He grinned at her. "About minions?"

"He said I needed a minion to make myself happier. Which for him means I'm having dates and fun times. Jane asked him happy in what way."

He laughed. "Well, he is a mommy's boy right now and he knows you're probably a bit lonely with just him."

"Probably but still." She frowned. "He asked Stark if he had a minion I could borrow to get happy with."

"Tony probably had a few in his younger years," he agreed, grinning at her. "He's trying to make you happier."

"Probably so he can go find hostages again. Speaking of, Miss AI. Where is my son stashing them now? He told me he had to go feed and water his hostages."

The AI cleared her virtual throat. "Well...."

"I'm going to have to tell Tony, aren't I?"

"I don't think Sir is aware," the AI agreed. "He did ask for privacy so he could make them excellent hostages and they have been exceptionally good for him. Two of them are most happy because this is their nicest vacation ever. They seem amused whenever I ask them what they need in the way of humane comforts. They have access to a bathroom, Dr. Lewis."

She scowled up at the ceiling. "He's not even three yet, FRIDAY. He doesn't get privacy mode until he's a teenager." She sighed, looking at Bruce. "Want to go tell Stark for me?"

"Hell no. Thank you though." He smirked back, clapping her on the arm. "He's your little pirate."

"Yes he is." She sighed. "Where are they, FRIDAY?"

"Floor 33, room 123 B."

"Let me go release his hostages and have another talk with my son." She walked off groaning.

Bruce was highly amused at all that. He did call over to Stark's lab. "Tony, talk to FRIDAY about the baby pirate's privacy allowances." He hung up and got back to his note making. "Some day I need to write my memoirs and this is probably going to be a highlight."

Up the hall, Stark sighed. "FRIDAY, what is the baby pirate doing with his privacy request?"

"He's kept a good group of pet hostages, Sir." Tony glared because she almost sounded pleased. "They have everything they've needed. He's kept them very well. It's good practice for a puppy according to him. Or a monkey maybe. He talked about a parrot but didn't like that they couldn't control where they eliminate wastes and might hurt a machine like him spilling things did."

Tony Stark never thought his AI would be more weird than him. Apparently he was wrong about that. "Where?" he demanded. "Does his mother know?"

"Just now. 33-123 B, Sir."

"Great. Will they need medical?"

"No. He's been very good to them, Sir."

"Uh-huh. Hopefully she grounds him for a good bit for this." He trudged that way, hoping not to hear Darcy having a fit at her son. He was trying to block her way in there so he picked up the kid and grinned at her. "No, he doesn't have privacy rights until he's employed."

"I thought maybe a teenager so he could sneak and date," she complained. She knocked then walked in. "My son is going to be very sorry." She stared, blinking a few times. "Uh-huh. How...." The agents shrugged but grinned at her. "You guys need anything right now?"

"Best vacation ever," one of them told her with a smirk. "He's a good little boy. Comes down to feed, water, and let us potty as he told us." She moaned but they were tied with zip ties. "Yeah, one of the security team redid them today when someone came looking for the ropes he stole."

Tony looked up. "FRIDAY, I'd like to talk to that guard with Happy and Pepper please," he said tightly.

Darcy looked at him. "YOU? I have not heard a *thing* about this until my son decided to slip that he had to come take care of his hostages! Somewhere I think I've went really wrong, Tony."

"He's creative," Tony assured her, looking at the kid. "You really are not allowed to take hostages while in the tower. It's mean and people will think your mom and I are just as mean, and Pepper's even meaner than we are. No more hostages."

"But booty and ransom," Adrian pouted.

"We'll find other ways to get you ransom and booty, kiddo." Tony tried to cut a zip tie and it wouldn't cut. "Who made those?"

"SHIELD," one of the agents chirped with a grin. "They have to be dissolved."

He sighed but called that up to Natasha, who claimed she didn't know anything about those and she was in Queens at a farmer's market with Clint. Tony muttered once he hung up.

Darcy called SHIELD herself. "Hey, it's Dr. Darcy Lewis. I found an agent tied up. No, they're fine. My son took them hostage for ransom. He's not quite three, lady. He thinks he's a pirate. Someone here used some new zip ties on them that you guys designed so they need to be gotten free. How do we dissolve them?" She listened to that one ask someone else for advice. "Put me on with an older agent please," she demanded. Then she kicked the wall a few times.

Tony took the phone. "It's Stark. Put me on with a senior agent. Now. Thank you." He handed the phone back once they were on. "I could've called, Lewis."

"My son doing the evil shit, my turn to call. Oh, Agent May. It's Dr. Lewis. My son's taken some of your agents hostage for ransom. Yes, that pirate living one. He's the only one I have. A security guard here used some sort of new zip tie system that has to be dissolved. How do we do that so they can go free? Yeah, we're at the tower. Thank you. No, I'm going to be having a talk with him about that. Again. For the second time today." She glared at her son, who tried to hide behind his hostages.

"Lewis, ease off. He's a good boy," one of them told her. "It's really been the best vacation ever. It got me out of a debrief, a lot of paperwork, and a shift on the command bridge. He's had us for about three days now."

"How did whoever get the zip ties?" Darcy asked. They all shrugged back. "Great. Please. Thank you, Agent May." She hung up. "Give her ten to laugh and then find the solution and driving time." She looked at her son. Who ran off when she sighed. "Go have Thor talk to you about this, son! I'll yell at you after dinner!" She heard him crying but oh well! He took hostages. Again! Someone walked in and she looked at Happy, who looked amused. "How did the security guys get SHIELD gear?"

"He claimed he won it at a poker game." Darcy sighed but nodded again. "He said he helped the kid so no one would be mean to the kiddo for taking fully trained agents hostage."

"Oh, I'm going to nag the son," she joked, grinning at him. "A lot. Did he make it to Thor?"

"He made it to Barnes, who was sparring with Falcon in the gym."

"Sam has sense. Can you warn him why the son is fussing."

"Yeah, I can do that." He walked off, going to tell them.

***

Agent Melinda May walked into the head office. "We can call off looking for a few agents. Apparently they were taken hostage."

Coulson looked up. "Rescue mission needed? Do you need a team?"

"To get them from a toddler?"

He blinked a few times. "Excuse me?"

"Dr. Lewis called. Her son has taken a few agents hostage for the last few days. One of them said loudly it was a great vacation in the background."

He put down his pen, staring at her. "How did a child, even that child, take full grown agents hostage?"

"I do not know. But someone in Stark tower got our new restraint ties and helped by tying the agents up for him so we wouldn't laugh."

He tipped his head. "Get us film if you can so we can train against toddlers?"

"I think it's just that toddler. Or maybe it's just younger pirates." She walked off to get the way to dissolve them then went to the tower. She walked in and took pictures to send to Coulson. "The director is very amused." Darcy moaned, kicking the wall again. "How did he get them?"

"We don't have video," Darcy admitted, looking at her. "He asked FRIDAY for privacy and she granted him some." They looked at the agents.

"We had another one in here with us and he was a bad guy who complained the kid robbed him of his weapons," one of them said.

Darcy stared. "Does my son still have weapons?"

"No. That same guard took them from him. I'm guessing one might've been a gas grenade or something though."

"I need to have a good, long talk with my boy."

Agent May got them free, letting them go use the bathroom. "The director is going to want reports so we can warn other agents how to not be captured."

"Best vacation ever," that one guy told her with a smirk. "No paperwork, no debriefing, just rest and cookies and coffee." Melinda smirked at him. "I know I'll have some now."

"Yes, you will. And probably fewer cookies." She waved a hand. "We should get you checked over. Just to make sure you don't need medical attention for a poor diet." She looked at Darcy, who was still moaning and shaking her head. "He's a very unique little boy. Very, very unique. But he shows great promise as a future agent."

"I'd rather he become an accountant."

Melinda patted her on the arm. "We have use for those too. Talk to him about going to SHIELD or SWORD please. Some day I'll need a protégé." She followed the agents out. She did stop at the security office to see if they had found film. They barely had any and that agent had sent in a report from his home. He was clearly hiding as he had went home early right after they found the hostages. She got them back to the base and shared that story with the science team as they were in medical for a lab problem. She stared at the agents when they were done being checked over. "Name the other agent."

"Rollins."

She raised an eyebrow. "Really?" They nodded. "How did he get a drop on him?"

"We're pretty sure the Stark robots helped."

"I do need to claim that boy as my future protégé before Romanoff can," she decided, walking off to note that to others. She went into the office, finding Hill waiting as well. "I need to stake my claim to train Lewis' son as a future agent before Romanoff can. He captured Rollins and stripped him of weapons. It's believed that's how he got our agents down so they could be held hostage for three days. They've cleared medical, are heading for a meal that has more than cookies and coffee, and said it was a great vacation." She walked off again.

"Barton's already working on him," Hill called after her.

"I can straighten out any weird, arrow related things," Melinda called back. "It'll make him more well rounded."

Hill looked at Phil, then out the doorway. "Do I want to ask?"

"I don't think I do," Phil told her. "Have fun if you do, Maria."

"Yeah, let's not. I just hope Nick doesn't hear." She stood up.

"Lewis will taze him or send him to a volcano. They have that plate system set up with the other end inside a Pacific Ring of Fire volcano that's not near civilization."

"I have a few I want to test that with," she decided, walking off happier.

He made a note about that incident, but started a list of people he wanted to test that idea on. He'd compare with hers since there was probably some overlap.

***

Happy walked into the sparring gym. Bucky was cuddling the baby. "He kept a few agents hostage for three days," he told them. "Very successfully. FRIDAY said he did a good job tending to them." Sam Wilson opened his mouth then walked off shaking his head. "He's supposed to be finding his Uncle Thor to have a talk about responsibilities."

Bucky nodded. "Yeah, we can help with that. He's got to be a good man for his mother." Sam came back nodding while talking to his sister. "She have any helpful ideas?"

"Thanking God her sons are too old for that stuff." He patted Adrian on the head. "You should talk to your mom, little guy."

"Mommy really mad," he said with a pout at him. "She getting madder."

"Yeah, moms can do that when you do bad things," Bucky agreed. "But your mom's pretty great. Not like she spanks. When I was a kid we got spanked." Adrian's eyes went wide. He nodded. "Yeah. Me and my sisters."

"Did you take hostages for ransom too?"

"No. We weren't allowed to do that at all. We didn't know too much about pirates in those days."

"That's mean of them." He pouted at Sam. "She already yelled and grounded. No cookies or swimming in booty!"

Sam nodded. "Sometimes that happens. If you do bad things, you get punished. That way you don't do bad things again."

Adrian pouted at Bucky, who nodded to back Sam up, even though he wanted to smile. Steve walked in. "Tell him that we got a lot worse punishments than him being grounded from cookies."

"Yeah, we did. Many of them. What happened? Tony walked off muttering."

"He had some hostages," Sam said.

"Oooh. Okay." He stared at the little boy. "Did you take another lab person hostage?"

Clint jogged in. "No, he took some agents hostage. For days this time." He picked Adrian up to stare at him. "Didn't we talk about your mom not liking that? Moms don't like hostage taking, Adrian. It makes them really upset and then they cry or yell."

"She yelled at me," he agreed, pouting at his 'uncle'. "She really mad!"

"Yeah! Ya think!" He walked him off to talk to him. "Thanks for helping, guys."

Bucky shook his head, bursting out in laughs. "He took agents hostage?"

"Yeah, he's real creative. He named my shield Groo the puppy," Steve told him with a grin. He pulled up other videos of the kid for them to watch. Sam downloaded them to his phone so he could share them with his sister. She was amused but still thankful it wasn't her boys.

Bucky went to help Clint. The little guy obviously needed more male influence and Clint could be a bit...screwy now and then about things. So maybe some more adult reasonings would help. They talked to the little guy about guy things and being a good man like his mom would want until Bucky walked him back to his apartment. No mom yet. Adrian pulled him into his room to look at his blocks and toys, and his trunk of booty.

"We swim!" he cheered. "Before mommy find out."

"I have no idea how to do that. I only swim in water."

Adrian showed him by pouring out his change jar of silver to lay down and wiggle in. Bucky grinned at that. "See!" Adrian said. "You try?" He got out of the way.

"I don't think there's enough there for me to swim in. I have to build up my booty stores." Adrian beamed and grabbed something from under his bed and poured it out for Bucky. That was nearly enough so he got down to show Adrian how to swim better. That way he had a better stroke. Adrian cheered and got down to swim in his own pile. Bucky showed him the proper arm movements; it could only help when the kid got near water. That made the little pirate happier too.

Darcy came to the door, arms crossed over her chest as she watched them. They were having fun. She waited until Bucky winked at her to clear her throat. "I could've sworn I said the littler pirate was grounded for tazing someone earlier."

Adrian squeaked and stared at her. "But, booty swimming!" he said with a point. "I teaching! I'm being good, Mommy!"

"Hmm. You're very good to teach Bucky how to swim in booty. Where did you get more?"

"Under his bed," Bucky said, sitting up. "Sorry to break his grounding."

"It's fine. We can lock up his pirate booty for the two weeks he's grounded." Adrian started to sniffle again. "Ah!" He quit and slumped. "Two weeks, son. You stole my tazer earlier. You hurt someone without yelling for an adult. You kept hostages for *days* and didn't let anyone know."

"They be ransomed!" he protested.

"Not if no one knows to pay for them."

"Oh. Not think."

"Yeah, very not thinking. So put your booty back in the jar or wherever and move it to my closet for the next two weeks. Then you're having broccoli for dinner." Adrian sniffled again. She stared at him. "You did better when you got born, son. Quit trying to get out of it. Before I add more time."

"Yes, Mommy." Bucky helped, getting grinned at. "You sneak me booty?" he hissed. Loudly.

"If I can." He carried in the small chest and the change jar for Darcy, smiling at her. "Sorry," he said quietly.

"Not your fault. Toddlers are manipulative." She shrugged. "The agents are going to be laughed at hard for this," she said quietly. "My son is a bit unique some days."

"Yeah. But that makes him special and great."

"It does. He still can't take hostages. Please tell Clint to remind him of that?"

"Clint and he talked about showing he was responsible enough for a pet by taking care of his hostages."

She just nodded. "We'll see. I have no idea how long we'll be here. We've moved every year and a half for the last five and a half with Jane." He winced but nodded. "No idea on pets. Thank you though. Did you have a talk with him about big guy things?"

"Yeah, we did." She patted him on the arm, going to talk to her own son. He really had to be a better good boy.

Bucky went upstairs to collapse on the couch. "The kid taught me how to swim in booty." He grinned. "He's hidden some of it like a proper pirate but his mom's grounded him for two weeks."

"Good," Clint agreed. "He probably deserves that and the lecture from hell. How did he get the agents?"

Tony texted Hill, who shared. "Better question, how did the kid get a HYDRA agent down? Oh, and Hill says the one that showed up claimed his future training from you, Bow Hard."

"Like hell May will get him. I'll have him warped long before then so he'll never fit in with SHIELD." Natasha smirked at him. "He won't!"

"Good," she agreed. "Which agent?"

"Rollins. May said the agents reported being gassed or something. He apparently had Rollins trapped and stripped his weapons but that same guard guy took them from the kid." He looked up. "We need to talk to the guard guy about reporting those things."

"Yeah, that's bad." Clint and Natasha shared a look but Steve looked pissed off. "You wanna go after him, Cap? We'll follow."

"Yes, I would. Any idea if he's still nearby, Stark?"

"Not sure yet, Shiny. Hill's looking it up. She'll brief you tomorrow once she figures it out by pulling that guard out of his house by his short and curlies." He looked up. "So apparently a second mom talk is going on tonight." He looked at Bucky. "He had more change?"

"Yeah. He had a nice size little plastic chest under his bed. Nearly enough for me to lay on top of fully and swim in. Oh, I taught him how to actually move his arms for proper swimming, Clint."

"We're working on his balance and stretching but yeah, that could help."

"Agent Barton," FRIDAY said. "Miss Darcy said that her son will *never* want to work for SHIELD and if you warp him too much she's going to beat and taze you and let her son keep you hostage for years. He is not to ever be an agent."

"I agree," he said happily. "I'm warping him so they won't take him."

A pause. "She said that's fine but warp him towards science or accounting or something normal please. She doesn't want him in any sort of uniform. Oh, and she did get an email in reply to yours to your former handler about common sense lectures. She read it, laughed a bit, but did quote some of it."

"Coulson will be pleased. He tried so hard to donate common sense to us," Natasha said dryly. She looked at Clint. "Melinda May giggled." Clint shifted to stare at her. "Freaked out the entire building by *giggling* about that booty video." She smirked at him. "People went to battle status because she was happy."

"Awwww! I'm sure she's proud!"

"Probably," she agreed. Stark walked off shaking his head. Bucky and Steve went to the kitchen. She and Clint made plans for Rollins. Cap didn't have the subtlety they had. It'd take that to catch someone like Jack Rollins. Or apparently thinking like a young pirate with robots.

***

Darcy woke up, which was weird. She had been on her way to the campus to do a bit of research. She looked out the covered window, finding sunlight, then at the guy staring at her from the chair across from her. Happy had made sure she knew what he looked like since he hadn't complained too hard about her son taking him hostage. "I have an appointment at two. If I'm not there, they'll call Jane, who'll tell Thor, who'll sound an alarm."

"It's not even one yet, Dr. Lewis," he said dryly. "I heard we should talk about a certain young man."

"Huh?"

"That a certain young, hostage taking one may be related to me."

"I doubt that. His dad knows, has met him more than once, and knows a lot about him." He blinked a few times. "He has a dangerous job, not as an agent, and is protecting Adrian by not totally being in his life."

"So he does know?"

"Yeah, he does." She nodded a bit. "They've played more than once actually. How did my son capture you?"

"I was told he might be mine so I was checking him. I let him so I could check on him."

"When did we sleep together?"

"I was told he was from an experiment that SHIELD ran."

"Um, hell no. He came from a night of fun that made me sore enough to remember it fondly. SHIELD was breeding agents? Does the current admin know that? Or I can tell someone like SWORD."

He grinned. "Knew you were a spitfire."

"Well, yeah. And my son comes by it naturally."

"Clearly." He stood up and let her go. "College is about two blocks that way," he said with a point. "I hope he's a good boy."

"Who told you that he was yours? So I can sic his daddy on them. Or maybe Thor."

"Fury himself."

"Huh. Yeah, he has not a clue. He still probably thinks I'm a tag along intern he has to remove so he can put someone Jane will never trust in my place."

"Well, yeah," he agreed with a smirk. "Is he a good boy?"

"Now and then. But he still thinks he wants to be a pirate. I'm totally sorry he took you hostage."

The guy smirked, shaking his head. "Nah. He was good at it. Got a robot to clock me on the head and tied me up good."

"That guard that took your weapons?"

"He's got a shrine to ya in his house." He winked and strolled off.

"Thank you for not being mean, Rollins," she called after him, then went to the college instead. Her car was outside so that was nice. She drove off after taking a few pictures, going to the college to hide and call someone. A few someones. Her appointment was scowling when she walked in. "Sorry, someone stopped me to talk to me about my son's baby daddy." She sighed. "How late am I?"

"Not more than a few minutes. Is he all right?"

"He'd better be in the daycare," Darcy admitted. "I hope he stayed today. His buddy is in so he's not so bored." They went to that science person's office to go over what her intern would need to complete and how much paperwork she had to help the poor kid with.

Back in the warehouse, another guy stepped out, shrugging. "So we can cap Fury now?"

"Yeah, let's go do that." He grinned. "The kid is really good."

"I saw. He ties knots like Romanoff though." They walked off together to hunt down the person who had told that lie to them. Buddies helped you hide bodies.

***

Darcy came out into a press ambush. "What the hell are you doing?" she demanded, getting away from the camera. "I'm not news worthy."

"Who's the father of your son?" the reporter called.

She turned to glare at her. "Why the sudden interest in my son's father? It's nothing that would interest anyone but us."

"It's said he might be Dr. Malcolm's son. They seemed friendly at the conference you both attended."

"I studied under Dr. Malcolm. Adrian and I both sat through a few classes with him when he wouldn't go to daycare." The reporter slumped. "Sorry to burst a fandom bubble or whatever, but no, he's not his father. I love the guy, he's a great mentor, and he's got a voice that made many female students happy, but he's not my son's dad. And if he wanted to change that he's more than man enough to ask me out. Since he hasn't and we've known each other for over three years?

"I'm pretty sure he's not interested in me that way. Sorry, but have a happy day!" She got into her car and drove off shaking her head. She really had to send a few nasty emails. She decided to divert to the SWORD offices, going up to Jimmy's office. She knocked and leaned in. "Why oh why did Nick Fury tell former Agent Rollins my son was his from some sort of breeding program?" she asked loudly enough to be heard by others.

Jimmy grinned at her. "It's mean to feed the office gossips, Lewis." She smirked. "He did?"

"Yeah, we had a talk earlier. Short one, he let me go after finding out that was wrong."

"Did he hurt you?" Jimmy asked, standing up.

"No. I woke up tied nicely to a chair. We chatted, he let me go and thankfully I was really close to the college. That does explain why my son took him hostage though."

"That's...interesting. I'll go ask that for you." She smirked and nodded. "Hold on, Fury's dead."

"Apparently not since they chatted recently."

"Huh." He nodded once. "That doesn't surprise me. Go back to the tower and be safe for the day?"

"You were slightly out of the way."

"Okay. Let's get you back to the tower."

"I can drive."

"Uh-huh."

"I got stopped by a reporter too. She thought he was Dr. Malcolm's."

"Well, toddlers are proof that life find a way and chaos theories," he said dryly, smrking at her. "Go home, have some wine. Let me go nag someone."

"Thanks. I'm going to tell Stark tonight."

"He's out of town with his girlfriend."

"Huh. Yeah, I can tell others." She walked off, going back to the tower via some coffee shop randomly.

Jimmy looked at his door, grinning a bit. "Very interesting." He gathered a few things, hearing the gossip already starting. He went to SHIELD, paging Maria Hill to meet him there as well. He walked in and let Melinda lead him back again. "Oh, stay, Agent May. You may be amused." Maria Hill walked in and Coulson stared at him.

"Darcy Lewis got kidnaped by Rollins earlier." He held up a hand at Hill's swearing. "He wanted to talk to her about her son, who Nick Fury said was the result of a breeding operation. She said he was totally polite and nice. Just chatted for a few minutes, got told he wasn't his, and let her walk off. But that does explain why Adrian was able to take him hostage."

"We knew Fury was alive," Melinda admitted, crossing her arms over her chest. Jimmy grinned at her. "Oh, dear."

"Yeah, on the way out of the college's lab, some reporter tried to get her to admit the kid was Dr. Malcolm's too. She's on her way back to the tower to send Stark an email."

Coulson tipped his head, looking at Hill then at Melinda. Then he looked at the SWORD agent. "Why would Nick Fury care about Adrian Lewis?"

"She noted he thought she was a tag along he had to get rid of to replace with someone Foster wouldn't trust."

"He did have that feeling," Hill agreed, considering it. "Is this another moment of that?"

"Does he actually know she's got a doctorate now?"

"I haven't talked to the man in over eight months," she admitted. "Right now, I want to hit him with a bat."

"Try a car. Fury could probably survive like a roach."

"Probably," Hill agreed then huffed. "That makes more sense. Damn it!"

Coulson nodded. "We'll have a talk with our former director, Agent Woo."

"Thanks." He grinned. "Lewis is only getting more paranoid. Oh, and she's figured out something from that Stargate show. Some sort of energy thing they had on Atlantis. Just the preliminary though."

Maria Hill straightened up. "ZPM?" she hissed.

He grinned and nodded. "I've asked her to make me a zat for stopping witches."

"We have two that were thrown here somehow. See if you can get her to figure out how to recharge them," Melinda said dryly. Jimmy grinned at her. "Did Rollins agree to leave the kid alone?"

"She said he understood the boy wasn't his. She also said all this loud enough that all the SWORD agents near my office heard. We have just as much gossip as you guys do. Sorry." He grinned.

Coulson nodded. "That is one way to stop bad ideas from starting," he agreed patiently. "I'll have to buy her flowers for outing Nick. Any other cheery news?"

"Not yet."

"Thank you, Agent Woo. Let us know if you find any more developments?"

"Of course. SHIELD handles many more things than we do in SWORD." He grinned at Melinda. "And you're prettier doing it."

"No flirting."

"Not trying to. You scare me too much for that and I need someone sweeter." She walked off happier with a snort of amusement. He nodded at the other two before going back to his office to finish his paperwork.

Hill looked at Coulson. "Bat?"

"I like his car idea."

"I'd hate to pay for the wreck." She walked off scowling. Lewis would be telling everyone so her son was safer. That was handy in this case.

***

Darcy walked off the elevator on the Avengers floor. A few people glared at her but she glared back, heading for Clint's room to knock on the door. "Nick Fury told Agent Rollins Adrian was his through some sort of breeding experiment. He was very polite when he took me for a few minutes to ask about that."

He leaned on the doorway, staring at her. "Go slower. I've only had two pots of coffee."

"Excuse me?" Natasha called. "Who said what?"

She leaned back to look up the hallway. "Nick Fury told Agent Rollins Adrian was his," she said more loudly. "The result of some sort of breeding experiment. He was really polite when he had me taken so we could talk for a few minutes."

Natasha came out of her apartment with a towel around her wet hair. "You're fine?"

"I'm good. I was tied up a bit but he was polite. We just talked and he let me go to the college. I doubt it came from the same reason that a reporter stopped me to ask if Dr. Malcolm was his daddy."

Natasha blinked a few times. "No, that probably came from someone jealous of his successes. You are well?"

"I'm fine. Not even a bruise from the ropes. He was very polite and nice, soft spoken." She grinned. "Totally a gentleman and polite."

"Where?" Clint asked. She showed him a picture she had taken before driving off. "That's not real specific." She showed him the mailbox and sign next door. "That's nicer. Yeah, we can look there." He looked at Natasha, who was seething. "Did you tell anyone else?"

"Agent Woo. I stopped at his office to tell him and about as loudly as I did you two." She grinned.

"Yeah, we can find that out. And if there is a breeding program we can stop that shit." He looked at Natasha, who was nodding. "Let us look into that, Darce."

"Gladly! I'm not an agent and don't want to be!" She beamed and walked off, going to tell Jane in the lab.

Clint looked at Natasha, who went to dry her hair. "Let me know when you're ready."

"Give me twenty."

"Sure." He went to change into better clothes to go snoop around that warehouse area. Once they got there, they found the two chairs, one with ropes, and a letter on the other. She took it to read, letting him have it. It had the location of Nick Fury as of a few days earlier and a promise that they wouldn't have to deal with him.

Melinda strolled in so Clint gave her the letter. She nodded. "Not if I get there first."

"Is there a breeding program?" Natasha asked.

"No idea," Melinda admitted. "Hill and Coulson are looking while talking about what to hit him with."

"I've got a few lovely ideas," Natasha said. Melinda grinned at her for that. "Do let us help."

"If I can. I'm not faster than Hill is."

"We can help her as well. She'd expect it," Clint quipped, going back to his searching. The ladies followed to help. Rollins and whoever was a complication they didn't want to spread. If they became the pilots moving Hill to wherever Fury was, she wouldn't mind too much. Probably. If so, she could take a long, drugged nap so they could talk to Nick Fury first.

***

Xander walked into a bar and over to a contact, staring at him. "Tell your boss thanks for being so nice to my baby momma," he said quietly.

The man spluttered. "What?" he demanded. Xander just grinned. "Go tell 'im yourself! I'm staying all the way out of that discussion."

"Fine." Xander went back to that room, knocking before walking in to look at the duo back there making plans. "I've already confiscated that warehouse for next month's battle." They both gave him a dirty look. "Sorry. Just showed up to tell you thank you for being so nice to Darcy about little Adrian. He's so precious. And he loves my weapons too." He gave them a pointed look, earning a clenched up moan. "Yeah, no one knows."

"That makes a ton of sense." Rollins leaned back to stare at him. "Seriously?"

"Yeah!" He grinned. "It was fantastic and the higher ups over the slayers interfered to make him come into being." He shrugged. "Oh, I got the HYRDA agents still on ice to SHIELD when we had aliens going after the kiddo. And I stole the vault in Rumada for the girls too. Sorry but, well, ya know how it goes."

"Usually I'd expect that from a sugar baby," Rollins said, glaring at him.

"I'd do sugar baby but no one I date ever seems to want to let me get off too. So I had to handle it myself. Do *you* want to take on the next problem?"

"Hell no!"

"Then yeah, I borrowed. Oops, did it again." He smirked and left.

Rollins looked up then at his cohort. Who was shaking his head. "Find out who those agents are. They were ours." He went to do that while Rollins thought. Him being Xander's kid explained a *lot* about that kid's skills. Though he didn't think Lewis was that dangerous. Certainly not dangerous enough to draw Xander's attention. Huh, maybe he had miscalculated that woman. He'd have to watch her moves, see what she did.

His cohort came back. "He told Petey to tell you first but he's sworn a vow of secrecy. Rumlow, five others, two of them other STRIKE guys."

"They're ours."

"They're in Geneva getting dethawed and deprogrammed."

"Love Switzerland. So pretty there," he said as he got up. "People, Harris stole from us for the girls again. He warned about next month." A few in the bar moaned but called that in. "We're getting out of the way before he has to get us there too." He gathered his teams, going to Geneva to release their coworkers. They really didn't need to be in SHIELD's hands. No one deserved that or Coulson scowling at them in his understated way.

He detailed one person to do a better background check on Lewis. If she was dangerous enough for Harris, he might want to recruit her. Maybe she'd want a second kid some year. He was a lot more sane than Harris, and had better fighting skills. They'd make pretty babies for Adrian to hover over protectively.

***

Maria Hill noticed her two charming pilots but let it go. She was not going to ruin their fun or get between them and Nick Fury. She wasn't dumb. She just wanted her own beating time. "I get him last," she called. They grinned at her.

***

Ian Malcolm was walking off rubbing his forehead. The reporter had given him a headache. He really had to thank someone for telling that whopper of a lie. It was nice that Darcy had told them off earlier but still. "Maybe I'll build a set of her plates and put them on that special island," he told himself. "That would be fun. They'd have a lot of fun there." Then again, that was mean. He did try not to be mean and evil. Now and then though....

He got back to his office to find a single rose in a vase with a card. From Darcy apologizing for sneering in his name and taking his fun. "That's sweet and she wasn't mean at all to that idiot reporter. That's why they came back." He looked over the plans for her plate system; they had given him a copy in case he ever got stuck near another bout of dinosaur induced chaos. Yeah, he could easily build that system. Not that hard it looked like. Yes, Buckaroo and the others would *love* to play with the dinosaurs. He did love exotic animals. Tommy loved to wear their patterns so that might be helpful too.

It'd give Buckaroo a lot of meditation time to calm himself down and find a way out of it by improbable means.

Unfortunately someone beat him to it, almost. He answered his phone that night. "What?" He listened. "I didn't send the herbivore to come meet you, Tommy," he said dryly. "Sorry, wasn't me." He listened to the complaining about the huge thing that was eating the trees on the fence line. And how it had batted one of the guys into a building hard enough to break him.

"Well, yes, that's how they fought. Like giraffes do I understand. Are they all right?" He grinned. "That's very nice of him. I'm sure Buckaroo had a lot of fun putting those ribs back together. But I still didn't send it. Probably whoever told the press that a certain child is mine when he's not. No, I'm sure he's not. I've only had her in classes and I don't sleep with my students.

"Oh, is there a betting pool," he said dryly, smirking some. "That makes a lot of sense about how people accused me of being his father but no, I'm not dating her. You can tell them that. Have fun with it and maybe talk to the local zoo. They should be able to figure out a nutritious diet for the poor creature. No, I doubt you can shoot it and it is rare so it's probably illegal to kill anyway, Tommy." He leaned back, putting his feet up on a desk drawer. "You can check with DNR. They might have a response already out for it or know what sort of nature preserve can handle it.

"Well, an herbivore isn't dangerous to people if left alone. Like moose. They're only dangerous when people interfere. Sure, you have fun, Tommy. Tell it I said hi if it's one I'd remember. They do have memories even with smaller brains." He hung up and giggled for a bit. He could just see Tommy, hair all messed up from pulling on it, staring at the dinosaur while trying to figure out how to eliminate it. It'd liven up their lives over there. So maybe he'd send them to that volcano instead since they might be expecting dinosaurs.

Or maybe Space. Buckaroo would love space.

He'd find out later someone in the labs there had been messing with the ideas of portals and had brought it by accident. He laughed a long time about that bit of arrogance.

***

Darcy kissed Xander on the cheek when he showed up next time, handing over a letter. "They think you're faulty." She grinned. "You have fun with that as I'm not going to answer that idiot." She handed over the kid. "Please talk to him about being a responsible little good boy who doesn't torment women? I've tried but he doesn't get that other women should be treated like he does his mother."

"I can do that. Is he pottying or do I need a diaper bag?"

She handed it over with a grin. "Complete with snacks and a change of outfit." She kissed her son, who pouted at her. "He's allowed to let you play with shiny pirate weapons but you will be a good boy."

"Yes, Mommy." He grinned up at Xander, who winked and took him with him. "They do 'spr'ments today," he told the women staring at him. "Uncle Xander watch me!" He beamed. "He have nice shiny pirate kitties."

"I'm sure he does," Buffy agreed, patting him on the back. "You're probably a good boy."

"Most of the time," Xander agreed. He settled at the table. "We're going to talk about three big bad things that'll have to be handled by the slayers, so I can tell your mommy later and she can tell the big hero sorts like your Uncle Clint." Adrian beamed and nodded, settling in to hear these new stories.

Giles stared at him oddly when he walked in. "I see we're joined today by a new member of the Council."

"Mommy's doing experiments today that may include radiation. No kids allowed in the building and it wasn't safe if he went with the others to the z-o-o."

"That's reasonable." He settled in to go over the upcoming big things. The witches were staring at the little boy. "Yes, he does have magic," Giles said. "His mother, Dr. Lewis, had us check when we were up making a pact with the Avengers team."

One of the witches smiled. "You're very strong."

Xander grinned at her. "Mommy got the pointy end of the stick from the PTB. He somehow came through three forms of birth control." The witches all winced. "Yeah. But I'm a good unclie and he loves my weapons." They shared a grin. Someone gasped. He glared at them. "No. Comment," he growled.

"Yeah, never one," Andrew said quickly, glancing around. "Shit, she's not here yet. Thank you!" he muttered, looking up.

Xander grinned and nodded. "Yeah, basically." Buffy looked confused. Xander grinned at her. "What?"

"I'm not going to ask," she said quietly, patting the kid on the head. "It's good he's a good boy." Xander smirked and showed her the video from Wakanda. "Awww. Yeah, he's a good little pirate probably."

"I has *huge* booty," Adrian agreed happily. "I swims in it."

"That's gotta be more fun than swimming in water, which is dangerous," Buffy said. She patted him again. Giles sighed but grinned at them. "We're not telling anyone." The others all nodded, even if they were still confused. "Because the fit will be loud."

"The fit would get her hurt," Xander quipped. "A lot." The witches all nodded at that. "So, Giles, big things are big and scary, are they powerful?"

"Magically, yes. That one will need some backing up by the coven." The witches all nodded. Willow came in from class, taking off her jacket as she walked in. "Willow, just in time. We're going over the next threat and it is magical in nature. And rather tall."

"That's fine. I can help." She paused to look at the kid. "Why are you with Xander?"

"Because Xander is babysitting," Xander said dryly. "His mom's playing with something that could create radiation today so he can't be nearby."

"Oh, that's not too weird I guess. You do okay with the mini slayers."

"Yeah, I do." He looked at Giles again. "Weapons or no weapons?"

"I doubt it'll work. We will need some sort of shield I think." That got a nod. "Or at least a way to contain the area."

"Wakanda's shields may have a portable version we can bum for a few hours," Xander said. "I can ask."

"That would be nice. Thank you, Xander." He made that note for himself. "If not, could Adrian's mother be asked?"

"I can try. I don't think it's her form of science though. She's into astro-electrical stuff."

"Astro-electrical?" Willow demanded.

"Um, yeah. That's what her doctorate is in." He looked at Giles. "Speaking of, two witches with so-so powers are working at the same place Darcy studied, under Dr. Malcolm's people." He grinned. "So far they haven't caused any issues and have actually stopped some of their buddies from creating more unicorn portals after they made one to a Fey High Court." Giles sighed, shaking his head. "We should probably set up a working relationship with them. We could use the geeks and one's a biologist and the other's a chemist if I remember right."

"That's not a bad idea." He made that note as well. "Strong witches?"

"Ethical ones too." He grinned. "They chewed a fairy witch at the school so much she ran to a demon bar crying to get away from them ripping her a new one for daring to start a dryad colony to help the environment. They'd die in New York City," he told the witches. "And that was a strand of trees due to be cut down a few days later."

"Yes, that's not a good idea. There's much better ways to promote more trees and the like without invoking the Fey." She smiled. "Chemistry is really potions on a bigger scale. Are they using it together?"

"To stop some of the other students who created a unicorn portal," Xander said dryly with a grin. "Twice now."

She sighed, looking at the others then at him. "I should go visiting to see these portals."

"Sure. There's three unicorn foals being born sometime in the near future thanks to one of them letting some over and them pouncing some horses in the park." She giggled. "Seriously. Oh." He snapped his fingers. "That brought Baphomet out, Giles. He'd probably say hi. He's teaching history at CUNY. He took a foal with him that made it across the portal."

Giles stared at him. "Are you certain?" he asked quietly. "We've had sightings." Xander pulled up the pictures Jimmy Woo had sent him to identify them. "Oh, sweet Janus that is." He handed the phone back. Adrian looked and scowled. "Yes, he's quite mean, little one." He looked at Xander. "Causing trouble?"

"Teaching history to pretty young coeds at a state school," Xander quipped with an evil smirk. "I doubt he's getting much worshiping in. Like when he was in Miami on the beach and was staring at all the bouncing bikinis he's appreciating girls who wear jammies to early classes."

Giles straightened his shirt out then sighed again. "As long as he's not causing problems...." He looked at the witches, who all shook their heads. "We'll leave him be until he causes a problem. Has the slayer up there talked to him perhaps?"

"What slayer? There's no slayer in New York," Buffy said. "It's almost eerily quiet."

"Guess we know why," Andrew said. "What happened to the couple who were teaching at our college?"

"The two at Addams went to Minnesota," Willow said. "The high one at Hellmouth U is in Lisbon. I'm sure they're enjoying Portugal."

"What little we saw after that battle while flying home looked pretty," Buffy agreed. "Are there many walking around down here?"

"Seventeen by what I've heard," Xander said. "Oh, that's who's getting married in Asheville tomorrow. Their reception.... Then we have the ascension in Atlanta." He grinned at Buffy.

"Huh. Drunk higher level demons or a huge demon worm in a major city. I'll take....ascension for a hundred, Xander. It's going to be less messy."

Giles cleared his throat. "Yes, you're leading that one. Faith's leading the one in Asheville. Xander?"

"I'll be at both probably." He shrugged a bit. "I did warn Agent Woo I'd see him both places." He grinned. "He's told SHIELD. So it won't be just us. Oh, and Buffy, that one in Atlanta, he's a producer guy, the one that helps rappers record albums." She moaned, shaking her head. "So yeah, wear something nice looking at least."

"I can do that and make sure the girls have cute yet practical hair and makeup too." She sighed, looking at him. "The only one?"

"We can't get to the other one. They know and Dubai said to not bother coming in. They've got it handled." He grinned.

She looked up. "Thanks for that!" She looked at him. "Any other happy news?"

"Donnie's boyfriend is ATF but has *no* idea what's going on. He's not using her to get inside more than her panties. He has no idea she's a slayer."

"I'll have her talk to him about that. Maybe he'll go to Atlanta with us." She texted that slayer to let her know. She got a swear back but oh well. "Is he going to be a problem ex?"

"No clue," Xander admitted. "But it'll be a huge fight if he finds out from the tv."

"Yeah, had one of those. Didn't enjoy it," she decided, adding that to the text message. She looked at Giles. "So back to the upcoming bad things that aren't in the US?"

"One is," he reminded her. "One's in Texas."

"Texas has a lot of yahoos with guns," Xander quipped. "And demanded that any slayers be backed up by their national guard and militias. Tell Tiffy."

"I hadn't thought of that," Giles admitted. Buffy sent that message and about the problem. The answer back of 'hell to the fuck no' made her amused and Giles too. "Handled," Giles read. "All right then. We apparently won't have to fall in probably. She'll let us know beforehand." He went to the third problem. Which was going to be messy. Floating clouds of gel-like material messy that were carnivorous. In a major European city. "Xander, can you warn them for us? Our person over there is being ignored."

"Yeah. I can go tell Tiffy's father-in-law. He's Interpol."

"I hadn't thought of him. Thank you, lad." He smiled, showing Adrian pictures. "They're very mean clouds because they eat people."

"Eww," Adrian said, then grinned at him. "We bite back?"

"Yes, the slayers will be." He patted him on the hand and got back to the other things they had to talk about.

***

Xander showed up in Europe that night, going to where the slayers were waiting because he had told them to. "Okay, ladies, let's confab about the nastiness you've got coming up in two months," he said loudly as he walked over with Adrian and beers. "Slayers, hoo ya!" he shouted, leading a toast.

The girls smirked because they understood what was going on and drank to that. He went over the situation coming up in a few months since they had a lot of attention from the locals. Including a few officers that were stomping in. Xander grinned. "Hey, guys. I'm Harris with the Council. Did you want briefed over the battle coming just outside of town in a few weeks?"

One of the officers stared. "There's a what?" he demanded.

"Our person tried to tell the mayor and the mayor blocked him." He grinned. "So yeah, huge flying, biting clouds." He handed over a briefing sheet. "This is your battle team of lovely fighting ladies who are going to get to miss both battles tomorrow." They drank to that too after tapping glasses together. He grinned at them. "This way you know."

"Yeah, we wanted to know," the other officer said, nodding at the staring kid. Then at the slayers. He looked at Harris. "You couldn't be subtle?"

"We tried. The mayor blocked us." He grinned. "If he doesn't block hearing about things we don't have to have these meetings in a bar."

"Got it," they agreed, calling that in and sitting in to hear about how you fought these things. The department would have to help and probably clean up the mess.

***

Shuri walked into her lab half asleep, that's why it took her a moment to figure out she had visitors. She spun and stared at the guy with the sleeping baby on his shoulder. "Aww," she said. "You brought him to visit?"

"No I came to brief you guys about something coming up to see if we can borrow something shield like. His mommy had to deal with radiation issues earlier."

"Awww." She came over. "Huge?"

"Very and magical." He let her see the notes he had made. She grimaced. "Just asking for a shield to protect the witches who'll have to fight them."

"I'll see what I can do. Our state one isn't portable."

"I wasn't sure if you had a portable version for things like diseases maybe?"

"Actually I do. It's about house sized. We'll see what I can figure out in the next week." Xander stood up, kissed her on the cheek, and disappeared. She went to the throne room. "Just saw a watcher." Her brother flinched, staring at her. She grinned at the staring diplomat who was boring her brother. She handed over the notes. "Not here. He wanted to know if they could borrow some shielding technology?"

"I think that could be useful," her brother the King agreed, reading it over with a frown. "That's not very close by but better it gets stopped quickly." He handed back the notes. "I don't mind if you donate to that."

She grinned. "Thank you!" She looked at the nearest Dora Milaje. "There's *two* battles tomorrow due to be televised. One's an ascension. The other's a wedding reception for a very high pair of old gods." That one called that in with a grin for her. "We won't be seeing the one in Dubai probably and they didn't want slayer support. It was on the bottom of those notes." She let her see it and it got read too. "Let me go work on the house disease shield device. That may be the best fit." She strolled off again.

The king smiled at his warriors, who grinned back. "She needs to rest."

"She has had long hours today," that guardian agreed. "We'll make sure she gets there later, My King."

"Thank you. I worry she'll work herself into an early grave." He walked the diplomat off. "My sister is brilliant but like many geniuses she lets her brain rule her life instead of her common sense. I've had many days of pulling her out of the lab."

"Like Tony Stark does?"

"Yes. He's most enthralled by her." He grinned. "They shared information a few years back and she got a grant to update something she had worked on when she was ten to put on the market through them so it couldn't be tied back to us at that time."

"That's astounding."

"It is. We're most proud of our princess."

***

Adrian, pouty and tired, walked up to his uncle and climbed in his lap to cuddle. "Mommy?" he asked, yawning and snuggling in.

"She's waiting on you in your apartment," Clint said, grinning at the sleepy guy. "I'll call her for you." Adrian waved the paper he held listlessly as he fell back asleep. "What's that?" He took it to look at. "Huh. Upcoming slayer battles, people. We have two tomorrow." Stark moaned, taking it to look at. "That's a great delivery," he cooed, cuddling the little one. Darcy came up. "He delivered notes on the upcoming battles."

"Xander said he did pretty good in their meeting earlier. And at the bar in Germany." She took him back to cuddle. "C'mon, we'll get you to sleep, Adrian," she cooed, walking him off. "Thanks, Clint."

"Always happy to catch little pirates."

Stark looked up from his scanning the notes in. "He is a good little boy." He went back to scanning things in. "Okay. Rogers, do you want Asheville?"

"Will they need us for a wedding reception?" Clint asked.

"Old gods having a wedding reception?" Stark asked, looking at Thor, who nodded quickly. "Did you want to go?"

"It would be rude as I wasn't invited. They probably wouldn't see me as one of them anyway." Thor shifted to get comfortable. "The other one tomorrow?"

"An ascension. In Atlanta. One in Dubai but they said they've got it."

Natasha looked at him then snatched the notes to read. "I'll go to Asheville in case the girls need backed up." The others grinned at her for that. "Perhaps I'll meet someone pleasant."

Thor leaned over to look at her. "If Igno flirts with you, say no quickly," he warned. "He is intoxicating and deadly to humans. He is the bride's brother. One of many."

"Understood."

Clint shook his head. "I'll help with the giant worm. That way no one pinches me. I always get pinched at wedding receptions." Natasha patted him on the arm with a grin.

Steve shook his head. "I can go to Asheville if we think it's necessary."

"A lot of powerful beings getting very drunk," Stark said dryly. "Yeah, probably just to contain the mess."

Steve nodded, getting up to look at the weather report so he knew what to wear with his uniform. Sam and Bucky went with him to plan what they'd need. Natasha could join in as it happened. She liked that. She'd probably go in a better looking outfit than a battle outfit too.

***

Faith looked at the goddesses staring at her. "We're just here to make sure it doesn't involve normals," she said firmly. "Not to stop the wedding, put up a fuss, anything. Though if someone attacks the wedding we'll try to stop it as much as we can. But I can't let you guys destroy the city."

The bride came forward. "I don't mind, Faith. It's sweet of you to make sure we're safe and they're all safe from us."

"Xander had a vision," Faith said bluntly.

"Oh!" They shared a look and nodded. "Yes, we'd love to have a way to keep down any strife, Slayer Faith. Thank you for the kindness of protecting us and the normals."

"Not a problem. That's why I had the girls dress up some so they didn't look too unclassy." She pointed. "SHIELD people are trying to blend in too. Just, if something happens, shout? I'm going to be by the trees nagging Symira by text most of the night. She dated something trashy that is so far down even the trash eaters won't touch it."

The bride grinned, going back to her preparations to share that news. The girls faded into the atmosphere for now. They looked like respectful tourists for the most part. They didn't interfere in anything until yahoos tried to interrupt then they broke it up and drove them off. They didn't want to mess with slayers.

One of the girls stopped one by kissing him stupid but then she walked off smirking at him. The other few things were stopped by the agents keeping demons from leaving the reception site to go party in town. And one attack by someone who wanted to sob on his ex-girlfriend's lap. He thought she was the one getting married and she was just a bridesmaid. She also beat him herself and handed him to the slayers to deal with for her.

The few slayers, and an agent, who went home with a new lover from the wedding reception...well, they probably got happy at least.

***

In Atlanta, Buffy checked her hair then her nails, waiting on a park bench to hear where the problem was. They had SHIELD and SWORD agents ready to drive them wherever. They had weapons in the car. They had news from Xander that made Buffy call a diplomat to warn him to give them Xander back or else she'd bring all the girls there to vacation and party.

They did and he got released, being brought somewhere by the witches. They were still trying to pray the demon back into a human. Even after he ate a few people. And laughed. And told them they couldn't change him back, he was now a supreme being. That was when the military stepped in to blow it up. The prayers were still going but they could debate about it later. When the news crews weren't around.

The Atlanta eclipse started and the girls all put away things, heading for the cars. The agents got them the few blocks away to handle the demon wiggling its way out of the building. They attacked and the demon pouted but oh well. They couldn't let one stand. It died after trying to eat a few agents. It only ate one of its clients. The girls all got happier and a few asked someone for autographs then the agents helped them get back to Cleveland.

***

Buffy came out that night, looking at the reporters. "What? We're about to go out for some stress relief."

"Are the girls all right?"

"Yeah. Everyone's fine. A few of us have some ringing ears from the weapons earlier but otherwise we're good. The ones at the wedding reception in Asheville were really polite and got thanked. None of them got drunk so I'm happy. Those of us in Atlanta didn't get messy so that's nice. We got Xander back from the panicking sort. We're all good. Why wouldn't we be?"

"The one in Dubai?"

"They said they had it, didn't want help. Not our choice."

"Okay but everyone's good?" Buffy nodded. "The report from SHIELD saying that the girls were really injured?"

"We had agents with us and they got us home. They know we're not injured. Who said that?"

"One of the old PR people?"

"No. And they shouldn't be making statements about us either."

"Okay. We'll figure that out." She grinned. "If it was alien would you guys handle it?"

"Probably. As long as they're not human."

"Okay. Thank you, Slayer Summers." She went to report that and find out who had made that statement. They all saw Xander walk up behind that agent and zap them with a cattle prod, making him scream and change back to a green skinned alien. The 'guy' was holding a conference about the slayers again. The others in the crowd as reporters winced at that meanness.

Xander grinned and released something in a vial, making them all foam up and all illusions fall. "Hey, bitches!" He grinned and waved. "Skrull be gone please!" He walked off, leaving it in SWORD's hands.

"Hey!" that one skrull complained. Agent Woo smiled as he came up to arrest him. "It's not illegal! We're trying to help!"

"The slayers said to stop it. They're all mostly fine, pending some getting back from the wedding reception." He led his skrull off while others got the ones in the crowd.

"This is so unfair."

"Oh well."

"We're being good citizens."

"Yay."

"We didn't even help when Nick Fury had a brain fart."

"He has many," Agent Woo agreed patiently. "And he's wrong to do that."

"But..."

He got shoved into a van and Jimmy went back for a few more. He looked at Xander. "We won't have another day like this for a while, right?"

"Three upcoming. One's mostly magical. Germany finally quit trying to cover up that they're having one soon that'll eat people. And one in Texas." He grinned. "They wanted to handle it themselves."

"Uh-huh. Brief me later?"

"I emailed you notes or Stark has them."

"Gee, thanks." He looked around him at someone coming their way with a gun. "Yours?"

Xander looked then nodded, checking his watch. "My date for Helena's thing tomorrow." He went to distract him. He could use a night of fun first.

Jimmy got a few more skrulls to arrest, letting Xander handle the dangerous one. They weren't going to hurt agents while kissing Xander.

***

Adrian ran up the halls screaming 'ahhhhhh' and everyone stared but no one knew why. Nothing was chasing him that they could see. His mom followed at a jog a few minutes later. So it was probably amusing instead of dangerous. They watched Darcy carrying him back looking amused.

"What happened?" one of the labbies called.

"He was delivering for us. He found Stark nakedly knocked out after an explosion." She went back to Stark's lab. "Guys, I threw the blanket over him so he wasn't just hanging out naked in the lab. Is he okay?"

"Should be," one of the nurses said. "Did he find this?"

"Yeah, and went screaming up the hallway because Tony was naked." She grinned. "That envelope gets tossed somewhere safe, it's stuff he wanted Jane to sign off on." They did that before lifting Tony up on the stretcher and taking him off. She took Adrian back to their lab, going to cuddle and calm him down. "Tony's clothes got burned off. He got scared."

"I not look like that!" Adrian said firmly, staring at her.

"No, he's a big guy and you're still a little guy. You won't look like that until you're older, son. We can talk about that later." He pouted, going to pout at Bruce about boy things. "Leave Bruce alone," she called. "Get back here, Adrian."

Bruce looked up, then at the kid. "What's happened now?" he asked patiently.

"I not look like Uncle Tony!" he said firmly and loudly. "Him not a guy!"

"Why did you...was Tony naked?"

Darcy came over. "Explosion burned the clothes off and knocked him out." She picked the kid up. "For now, you look like a boy. Tony's a full grown man and they look a bit different. Someday you'll be a big man and you'll look back at this and laugh." She grinned at Bruce. "He ran up the halls screaming in fear." She went back to the lab. Thor came in to chat up Jane for lunch and Adrian made grossed out faces at the kissing but oh well. Darcy cleared her throat at the first grope.

"I don't need to see you and Jane groping, people. We're not sharing each other that way." They went up to their suite for a long lunch. Darcy shook her head with a sigh, getting back to work. She handed him something. "For Bruce please." Adrian nodded, going to give it to him and ask questions about boy things. Darcy went to retrieve him when it took more than a few minutes. "Bruce still has work to do and we can talk about that later," she said patiently. "We can even ask Uncle Xander to help if you want."

"Ask Unclie Clint?" he asked hopefully.

"If he's not busy he can help. Have FRIDAY ask him, Adrian."

"FRIDAY?" he called. "Ask Unclie Clint to talk to us?"

"I've asked him and he agreed he could help that talk later," the AI said. "He's just sparring right now. I've alerted him as to the topic of discussion as well so he can think up what to say."

"Thanks," Darcy said with a grin and a wave at the camera. She looked at her son, who snuggled into her lap. Sometimes he was real unique but she did love him.

***

Clint hung up and sighed. "Guys, Stark's out for the day. He blew himself up again so hard it ate his clothes. The kid got scared when he caught him naked." Natasha laughed, shaking her head. Steve and Bucky both shook their heads with sighs. "He was knocked out, people. He wasn't intentionally naked, unlike Jane and Thor." He shook his head quickly. He'd walked in on them once. It had nearly scared him.

"He's at a good age to wonder about the differences between the genders," Natasha said. "Have fun with that guy talk."

"Probably. He has good questions." They got back to work against the two soldiers. "Last month he asked why the Hulk had pants that didn't rip when he changed."

"Because Stark got tired of Bruce being naked," Natasha said.

"Bruce probably got tired first," Clint shot back.

"Probably. I would."

"Talking about it means we'll probably have a battle where we end up naked afterward," Bucky complained.

"Set off a smoke grenade so we can run for cover," Natasha ordered, giving him a pointed look.

"Gladly. That's easier than carrying around a bathrobe in the jets."

"They do have blankets," Clint offered. "Some of those fold up tiny blankets." That got a nod. "We can add more."

"Please," Natasha said. They all paused when they felt a shake, heard a roar, and that special alarm went off. "Hulk's out." They went to help, finding Adrian calming the Hulk down by patting his hand and chatting to him about pet hamsters. Apparently Bethany had just gotten one and she had told him about them. Darcy was helping Thor, who was unconscious. "What happened?" Natasha demanded.

"Thor startled Bruce," Darcy called. "Bruce turned suddenly, tripped over his stool, and changed. He knocked Thor out when his change blasted the stool at Thor's head. Adrian, be nice to Hulk."

"I am!" He waved a hand at her. "He not a bad boy! He's a good boy and needs good boy things!" He looked up at his idol, who was staring at him. "You do!" He grinned. "We need more booty so you can swims with me."

Hulk patted him gently on the head. "Adrian sweet. Hulk not swim."

"You should learn!" He stomped a foot. "Unclie, teach Hulk to swim!"

"Yeah, he should learn in case he ends up in a lake," Clint said, coming in to pick him up. Adrian leaned over to hug the Hulk around the throat. "That's really nice of you, Adrian. Thank you for helping him calm down."

"He should be calm. He not a bad boy!" He looked at Hulk. "Next time we build blocks to calm down. It helps me and Bethany!" He grinned. "Blocks fun."

"Blocks fun. Hulk could like blocks." He patted him again then slowly changed back. Bruce sighed, looking at them. "Sorry, Thor." Thor moaned. "Let me go meditate." He hugged Adrian before walking off.

Clint cuddled him. "You helped a lot but ask Mommy before going near Hulk. He could be really upset and accidentally step on you without realizing you're down there."

"He not! He's not like that!" He scowled at Clint. "You mean to my friend Hulk."

"I'm not. I'm not trying to be mean to Hulk. We're trying to protect you because you're still really little. I've tripped over you more than once. He could too." He carried him out to Darcy, who got out of the way of the medical team. Jane came jogging up the hall to help get Thor to medical and it was a nice day in the lab after that. Very calm. No one wanted a third incident.

"Ewww! Kissing!" Bethany complained loudly as she came up to play with Adrian. "Gross!"

"Yup," Adrian agreed. "Better than naked though!" They ran off. "We going to get booty from 'chine!"

Darcy looked up and sighed but went to chase the two kids. Maybe she'd work from the apartment today. That helped and Bethany's dad was amused about why when she called to tell him.

***

Darcy's date walked into the restaurant dragging a pull behind large backpack with a smaller one attached to the top. He smiled at Darcy. "Sorry, I was at work and my car broke down. I didn't have time to run home to store this."

"It's happened to all of us before," she promised with a smile. "I had to bring my backpack more than once." She looked under the table. "There's a good spot by the wall there." She helped him maneuver it into place and he sat down with a sigh of pleasure. "Long day?"

"Kind of boring today actually." He grinned. "You're the most exciting thing I'll see today." She grinned back. "So, I'm Tony."

"Darcy." She held out a hand. He started to shake it but she pulled back and stared at his hand. "Um...do you maybe need medical attention?"

He looked at his hand. Blood around his nails. "Shoot. No, one of my coworkers had a bloody nose earlier. I washed but apparently didn't scrub. Let me go do that." He went to clean up his hand.

She blinked a few times. That was a bit more fishy and she was starting to get weird ideas. Half the time guys who brought lots of things to dates had not exactly fun intentions. Someone walked up to the table and she stared up at him. "Rollins," she said quietly, looking around. This was a favorite place for tower employees to eat at. There were probably agents in here, and she did spot one Avengers team member.

He put a small bottle in front of her. "You can tell Tony that he left that at work earlier," he said quietly then grinned.

"So I'm guessing he's not a good guy?"

"He's not one who enjoys what he does." He winked. "How's the kiddo?"

"He's probably babbling at Thor about weapons. They were going to talk about swords tonight. Thank you."

"Welcome." He walked off after a wink and a smirk.

She saw Bucky stiffen and cleared her throat, startling Bucky. "Don't," she ordered quietly. "Yet." She looked at the bottle, turning it to see the label. Bucky was staring at her. Tony came back so she smiled. "Hey. A former almost coworker, one I worked in the building near, said you left this at your last job." She pushed it closer to him. She saw the 'oh shit' look starting. "Now, if that's your *job* I can't really say anything. But I'm having a bit of a minor freakout about that bottle and the luggage because I've been kidnaped before."

"I'm not...wasn't in my plans tonight," he admitted, looking at the bottle. "Who?"

"Jack Rollins."

He blinked a few times. "I'm disappointed in him. No, I wasn't going to be the guy who ties up his date and takes them to torture, Darcy."

"That's great. I need to get home by ten to relieve Jane from watching the kid. She has a video call at ten-thirty with an observatory in Asia so she can't babysit after that."

"You're a mother?"

"Yeah." She smiled and nodded. "My boy's going to be three in a few months." She beamed. "I'm proud of my little hellion. He took an agent hostage the other day because he wants to be a pirate."

The guy didn't show any reaction so he wasn't SHIELD or SWORD because they'd all seen a video of her son being so cutesy. "I don't usually date single mothers," Tony said quietly. "Sorry but that's a bit...freaking me out."

"I totally get that. Do you still want to have dinner together? I won't invite you to escort me for coffee afterwards but we can still have dinner. You've got to have some interesting stories."

"Um, probably not. Sorry but I don't want to....mothers aren't someone I want to be involved with. It'd get messy if something happened." He got up and got his bag. "Sorry. I'll tip the waitress on the way out."

"Okay, that's fine. Thank you for being honest and I hope you have a great day."

"You too. Have a happy kid thing too." He walked off. He noticed Bucky and looked down more quickly.

"Um, do you want this back?" she asked.

"No, it's got your fingerprints on it. I wouldn't want you implicated, Darcy. Thanks though." He hurried faster. Barnes did go after him. Darcy held up the bottle when Bucky walked past, letting him take it. He read it and looked at her oddly. "Date from Tindr."

Bucky sighed. "I'll ask some nicer guys, Darcy." He chased after that guy who tortured others. He had recognized him and he was more dangerous than Rollins.

Darcy ordered a drink, tipping the waitress well. "Sorry, blind date. He brought luggage and apparently left drugs at his last job."

"I'm so sorry, honey," the waitress agreed, making sure she got a good drink. It was all you could do sometimes.

Darcy texted Jane in case someone got her on the way home. Because it was just that sort of night apparently.

Bucky's date came over to slide across from her with her plate. She paid the bill when the waitress came over and added a nice tip. "Thank you," she said.

"Welcome, dear. It's good she's not alone, just in case." She left, bringing back the change, which went to her too. She smiled, going to clean off that other table.

Darcy sipped her daiquiri, staring at the agent. "So, Dr. Simmons."

"Dr. Lewis," she chirped, grinning back. "Who was he?"

"His Tindr said Tony and that's what he introduced himself as. He said the luggage was because his car broke down at work and he didn't have time to drop it at home." She took another drink. "Then Rollins nicely dropped off the bottle of sodium pentothal."

Dr. Jemma Simmons blinked a few times. "Label on the bottle?" Darcy nodded. "No wonder you got Bucky to wait to go after Rollins."

"Yeah. I wasn't sure if the guy wasn't going to try to drug me then and there. Or if he was here for a reason."

"Well, at least you're safe." Darcy grinned and nodded. "How's the son?"

"He's talking to Thor tonight about swords. He still loves pirates and weapons." She grinned, showing her a new video she had taken the other day. Jemma went 'aww' and ate some of her dinner. "Please eat. I know you probably missed at least one meal this week. Even I've gotten into that habit and I'm the one that used to take care of Jane's version."

"It does seem to drift into our lives in the lab." She did dig in. Bucky came back looking upset. "Did you find him?"

"Yeah. May took him." He sat down, smiling at Darcy. "You good?"

"Yeah, he didn't want to date me because I'm a single mom."

He blinked a few times. "That's weirder than being a torture expert?"

"Apparently." She took another drink and smiled again then at Jemma. "He helped talk to my son with Clint the other day when Adrian got scared of how a naked Stark looked." Jemma choked a bit but it was because she was laughing. "Lab explosion no one heard or noticed. He walked in to deliver stuff for us and ran screaming up the halls."

Bucky grinned and nodded. "We had a talk about how things changed as you grew up and no, little girls and moms had the same change as they grew up. He didn't realize that moms were women or had been girls. He took Clint's phone to call Bethany and told her some day she'd be a mom and that was good of her." Darcy grinned. "He's real unique but a fun little guy."

"He is," Darcy agreed. "I love my little guy."

"Rollins...." he asked.

"No idea but he was nice. He winked at me."

Bucky raised an eyebrow. "He flirted?" he hissed.

"Maybe. Been a while since someone has but I think so."

"He was HYDRA."

"I heard but at least he's been nice so far. And he did bust that guy before I got kidnaped again."

"Probably a good idea," Bucky agreed. He looked at Jemma, who waved her phone since she was chewing. "Having his last job checked?"

"Kitchen. Just in case he was going to have her or someone drugged here." She ate another bite. She stared at Darcy while she chewed.

"Oh, no, I ate earlier." She grinned. "I was only going to nibble on fries on the date. You never eat on the first date. If it's good you're talking. If it's bad you don't want anything too heavy in case you have to run from them kidnaping you."

Bucky shook his head. "I've never tried to kidnap anyone on a date."

She patted his hand with a grin. "Yes but they don't make men like you very often anymore, Bucky."

"True. Steve really has to straighten out a lot of them." He sighed, getting some coffee to sip while Jemma finished eating and they went over his arm. Darcy offered an idea about an electrical problem they were going over. Jemma looked then sighed and hit herself on the forehead, nodding and adding that in so it was safer. Also an easier connection setup. Bucky was grinning at that set of ideas. He made sure Jemma got to her car and walked Darcy back to the tower.

Right to her door, where he told Thor about that date since Jane was reading to the kid. Then he went upstairs to flop down with a huff. "Darcy's date turned out to be a torture expert." Natasha and Clint both moaned. "Rollins handed over a drug vial he had left and the guy decided he didn't want to date a single mother anyway." He tossed the bottle at Natasha since she was moaning. "In case you can get any fingerprints off it."

She got up to take it to the lab to look that up. Stark had that capability.

Clint looked over. "He captured?"

"Melinda May was driving by and stopped when she saw me chasing the guy."

"So not a happy night off for her," Clint quipped, getting comfortable. "Lewis good?"

"Very. She had a daiquiri for her date dinner."

"She probably needed one. I'm wondering if drawing that sort is genetic or if it rubbed off from the baby daddy."

Bucky shrugged. "No idea." They shared a look and knew they'd watch over her next few dates, just in case. And maybe find Rollins sooner instead of later. "Rollins winked too."

"Flirting! Yeah, somehow she's drawing bad guys." He shook his head with a sigh. "Great."

"She and Jemma had a nice plot about my arm's problems too."

"She's very good and caring that way," Clint assured him. "She took care of Foster for years."

"She seems like a good mom too. I've really got to get Stevie to teach lectures to modern guys about how to date better."

"Could help." Clint looked over as Natasha came back. "May lose him?"

"No. He's still arrested. Melinda wasn't very amused either." She sat down with a sigh. "She wanted to set Lewis up on better dates too."

"Rollins flirted with her," Bucky said.

"That may be a nicer date than most of hers," Natasha admitted, considering it. "Unless we can set her back up with the baby's father."

"Being with a guy who fights so much is hard," Clint reminded her. "It's why we're single too." She grimaced but nodded. "There needs to be a dating service or app just for agents."

Natasha looked at him. "That's not a horrible idea but we don't know anyone who could make one." She leaned her head back and sighed. "I don't know anyone I could set her up with." The guys grinned at that. "I'll have to meet more people."

They left her to it, going to grab a beer and abuse Tony's pool table.

***
part 6 by Voracity2
Adrian pouted at Jane the next morning. "Mommy noisy!" He pouted at her. Jane hugged him. "Need nap," he muttered.

"You can nap if you want, Adrian. You have an hour before daycare so you can nap." He nodded, going to flop on the couch and pull the couch blanket over himself. Darcy came out shaking her head. "He said you were noisy?" she asked with a grin.

"Only by myself," she muttered. "He apparently got up last night."

"Probably. He was pretty bouncy when he went down." She handed Darcy her coffee pot so she could get her first cup down her throat. Adrian was snoring so that was sweet of him. Thor came out of Jane's apartment and into theirs, smiling at the snoring little person on the couch before sitting in a chair.

Darcy and Jane made breakfast while talking about their days. Darcy really did need a bigger desk but there was no room and they didn't want separate labs. That'd upset Adrian and be like a divorce to him. They'd work on organization today somehow then Adrian could go to the regular daycare to play with Bethany. Thor could heft and tote if he wanted to.

Clint knocked and leaned in. "We had to spread the news that you have an anxiety problem. A few people have linked you to Xander since you've been seen together and he's had your son. They think if you're dangerous enough for him they're probably more sane and better for you than Xander." Darcy rolled her eyes, taking a drink. "Including Rollins. Who, barely managed to get away last night." He grinned. "But we've spread through Xander that you're an ex of his and you have anxiety so you're not seen as too tough." He closed the door, walking off again.

Darcy looked at Jane. "Okay then. Maybe that'll stop some weird things."

"Maybe," Jane agreed. She stuffed her mouth before she said anything. She wasn't sure that bad boys liking her hadn't rubbed off from Xander.

Darcy stared at her. "Covington," she reminded her.

Jane shuddered. "Never mind, douchebags have always liked you." She stuffed her mouth again. Adrian lifted his head to glare at them and went back to sleep. When they got ready to go to work, Darcy lifted her son up to carry him down there so they could reorganize the labs while he napped some more. Darcy planned on how to get him bigger clothes because napping like this meant a growth spurt.

***

A few hours later, Darcy leaned into Tony's lab. "Can Jane have a machine lab?" she asked.

He spun to look at her. "Do you two need split up?"

"We need some more work room but if we split us up, Adrian will think it's a divorce and be upset."

"Ah." He nodded. "That's true, he's used to Jane being the alternate mom. How much more room do you two need?"

"Jane's machines need their own lab? Then we could split the lab down the center with a small work area. Or we need one about the size of yours for both of us and her machines."

He nodded, coming in to look at it. "Can we combine some of the machines, Jane?" Adrian scowled at him. "What's wrong, little pirate?"

"He woke up grumpy and went back to sleep a few times," Darcy said. "I think he's got a sleep headache. He could go to daycare if he wanted." Adrian nodded, taking his blanket friend with him down there. "FRIDAY, make sure he makes it to the daycare?"

"Of course, Dr. Lewis."

"Thanks, dear." She looked at Tony, who was staring at her. "If I went with him he'd get more grumpy. He likes doing little things by himself and complains when I bring him. He knows how to push the elevator buttons, which ones to push, and how to get in there."

"Point. He is very independent."

"We were both sick one weekend and Thor basically let him do whatever he wanted," Jane said. "Including wandering into the desert for a few hours. He found his way back inside from out back while his uncle watched, but he thought it was it great he could do things without his mom watching him. He does it to me too." Jane looked around then at him. "The machines can't really be combined. Most of them are types of measurement devices but go for different purposes or to weed out other measurements so they make sense." She grimaced. "Even if Darcy wanted to move to her own lab I'd need more room, Stark.

"And please don't move us too far away. He'll be heartbroken if he can't bother Clint. I haven't really talked to him about moving yet," Darcy begged.

"I don't have anything nearby that would fit that."

"A garage?" Jane offered. "A car dealership?" She looked at Darcy. "He moved here all right."

"He was barely able to walk and talk then. I doubt he remembers it and he'd panic that he was losing you and Thor."

"Point. He would see it like us breaking up." She grimaced again, scrunching up her face.

"Could we have a measurement device lab?" Darcy suggested. "We're not the only ones who'd need it really."

Jane tipped her head. "That could help."

"We could make smaller machines," Tony offered.

Jane shook her head. "I can't figure out how and I made most of mine."

Darcy nodded. "I mostly need design and work space but not machine space. Occasionally nap space for the kid."

"We don't even have a lab open in the building," Stark told them. They grimaced. "Let me think about it and see what else we have open. We do have other buildings and he'll probably do better if you just break him from Clint and the daycare."

"He might kidnap Bethany," Darcy said dryly. "And Clint."

"Could be," Stark agreed with a nod. "He's good at taking hostages." He went back to his lab to look things over. Jane's lab was really cramped. He hadn't thought she needed that sort of room when he had offered her a lab. And Lewis may someday have a machine habit like her boss'. He considered it. It'd be easier if they moved out of the tower but not safer. A lot less safe for the kid and Foster. Lewis might get taken but no one wanted her for her ideas yet.

He hacked into a list of who had what prices on their heads. It made him reconsider it. Lewis had a huge price on her head because people wanted that plate system. Foster still had one but it was smaller. "Great," he muttered. He kept going, finding something odd. "What the hell?" He looked up. "FRIDAY, get me Romanoff. And maybe Hill." Natasha walked in a minute later so he let her see that film of the green alien that had been pretending to be Nick Fury.

"Skrull," she said. "Nice use of the cattle prod." She considered it. "Would Fury have made a deal with them? He's hunted them for years." He got out of the way of the list he was looking at. "Oh!" She considered it. "Yes, Lewis' work would be easier for them to use than Foster's." She considered it. "That's bad." She looked back as Hill came in. "Fury was a skrull?"

"I'm almost certain he made a deal with them to hide himself better. Why?" Tony reran the film. "Oh. That's mean of Harris." But she smiled. "You think they're the ones focusing on Lewis instead of Fury himself?" Natasha let her see the contracts list after pulling up a better one. "Oh." She winced. "Skrulls would...yes, her ideas would be more applicable to their needs than Foster's would. Which does make some sense. FRIDAY, ask Lewis if she's aware of if it's the actual Nick Fury who's bothering her or a fake one."

Darcy leaned in a minute later. "It's the actual one probably. The alien one sent me drugged candy and weird flowers to make them a device to take out their enemies." She grimaced. "I sent back a nice note that I didn't make weapons. I've announced my doctorate on my facebook, Hill. I don't know why he still thinks I'm in his way to Jane's cooperation when she won't."

"That..."

"That was his plan earlier," Natasha agreed. "He thought he could replace you and have them spy on Foster's work."

"Jane wouldn't trust SHIELD. They've screwed us over a few times. Absolutely no trust there." She walked off texting Xander's phone. No answer yet.

Xander appeared, blinking at Hill. "Yeah, it's the actual Nick Fury," he admitted dryly. "The skrull one wanted to take her kid hostage for a bit until I blew up their base." He grinned. "Oh, I've slipped a few people the fact that Adrian's daddy knows about him to keep him from being kidnaped. They don't want me to save him. Which meant that some people are thinking Darcy's a bit dangerous because that's my type." He grinned at Natasha. "Sorry but safer for her!"

He walked off. "I blew up Fury's last safehouse yesterday because he was in the way of an alien problem coming down here and being stubborn about being in the way and yet not helping. So I treated him like I have the other stuck shits I've had to deal with. He'll be at the battle tomorrow." He beamed as he walked out, going to tell that to Darcy. "Sorry, but I had to spill it to keep him safer to two contacts. Because they heard something more damaging and one would kidnap him to use horribly and the other one was told by Fury."

"Is that why Rollins flirted?" Darcy asked.

"Yeah, he and Consquelo both think you're my standard type, very dangerous and protective." He blew a kiss and winked. "It was Fury who's trying to get you out of her lab."

"I put it on facebook. If he did a name search it'd be one of the first things that popped up."

"Yeah, he's not thinking about anything other than his wants."

Darcy rolled her eyes. "Old plans aren't always applicable."

"Well, he'll be having problems when he's in the battle tomorrow. He tried to stop me from handling it and anyone else from stepping in. So he'll be there." He smirked. "Gotta go. I've got to trick some assholes into the battle too." He disappeared.

Hill moaned as she walked in. "Great."

Darcy shrugged. "That does explain a few things. If they think I'm Xander's usual type would that lead to others flirting?"

"Could be," she admitted. "Plenty of his would probably like someone a bit sweeter but just as dirty as Harris can be." She grimaced. "Can you not date for a bit?"

"Probably. Last night's was a bit of a screwing up the nose. It seems to take forever to find a new one after a failed date that way."

"Why?" Hill asked.

Darcy turned to look at her more fully and smirked. "He showed up with luggage, saying his car broke down at work. Which, okay, I can see that. I've had to bring my schoolbooks a few times because I didn't have time to run home. That's fine. We almost shook hands but I spotted the blood on his nail beds." Hill winced. "So he went to wash and Rollins dropped the bottle of sodium pentothal on the table and said he left it at his last job."

Hill slumped. "I spotted Bucky eating dinner there and coughed to stop him from going after Rollins because I figured those three added up to a *really* nasty problem. Which Bucky seemed to agree with since he chased him outside and handed him to Agent May." She grinned. "But Dr. Simmons, Bucky, and I did have a charming dinner after that. Well, I had a few daiquiris and they had dinner. I never fully eat on the first date, it leads to either not eating because you're talking or slowing you down when you have to get away from someone. So yeah, it'll probably be a few weeks at least."

Hill stared at her. "Did you get his actual name?"

"On Tindr he went by Tony and he was a bit freaked out at the mom thing. Said he couldn't date moms in case something happened."

Hill walked off texting Melinda, who told him who it had been. She came back to stare at Lewis. "He's a CIA operative and he would have tortured you for fun. He likes to take out pretty girls because he considers them competition if they're in the same field. The fact you work here and have a SHIELD file meant he thought you could be an analyst or something. We'll straighten him out if we let him survive this." She walked off again, coming back with the list of who wanted her. "This is the list that Stark found of who wants to snatch you."

Darcy looked it over. "Two of my former professors from Culver are on here. They want me for poli sci stuff?" She looked up. Hill shrugged but shook her head. "Huh." She let Jane see it. "I think I top yours now, Janey."

Jane looked it over. "By about two mil." She handed it back. "Is that the same one you found?"

"Yeah, two of the ones I found aren't on there. Though one is through SHIELD." She got into a site she had almost bookmarked, she had to click on two links to get to it. Then she printed it for Hill to see. "I found those."

"What the hell?"

"Those are the mad scientists," Jane said with an evil little smirk. "Though I've heard someone talked Doom up about you."

Darcy spun to stare at her. "Eww. I'd have to fix the social inequalities he has, Jane. It'd be my wedding gift to the people." She spun her chair back to look at Hill again. "Most of those date from early intern days, they may not realize I'm brighter and probably a bit more evil than they are." She grinned.

"You're not evil," Hill said.

"Yeah, you haven't seen me without coffee or sleep," Darcy shot back. "Ask Jane, I nearly bombed London because the kid wouldn't let me sleep by rearranging her lab stuff on her. It miscalibrated a machine and nearly pulled an asteroid onto the city."

Hill blinked a few times. "If you have another child, we'll make sure your interns have safety drills, Lewis." She stared at her.

"She's behind that social movement online too," Jane said.

"Well, humanity as a whole does need to pull together better," Darcy quipped. She smirked at Hill. "Both of them actually. I'm part of the group that's starting the petitions to give the slayers absolute independence and the other petition based movements are partially mine. I talked to some friends about some social ills in the world."

Hill swallowed. "You're not pregnant, right?"

"No!" She grinned. "I haven't had more than my hand in a very long time, Hill. By now I'd have almost given birth if I was. Unless Fury spreading rumors about Adrian was him admitting that he somehow got me. At which point in time I'll destroy him and then sue him for child support since he made the kid without mine and the dad's permission."

"He doesn't have visible assets."

"Bullshit." She grinned. "They're findable if you look." Hill walked off shivering. She grinned at Jane, high fiving each other then getting back to work. Darcy called the daycare to check on her sleepy little monster, and he was down there napping in a corner under his blanket. "I really am probably going to have to shop for him soon. That's got to be part growth spurt."

"He hates shopping."

"I know. He considers it expensive and ugly." She considered it. "Maybe an online one. Don't know yet." She got back to work. Natasha walked in and put a donut on Darcy's desk, earning a grin. "Thank you. What did I do to deserve such sugar?"

"You drove Hill to day drinking."

Jane looked over. "Someone was trying to get Doom interested in her as a wife."

Natasha blinked a few times. "Well. If that should happen, we'll come rescue you."

"My wedding present to the people would be ending the social problems." Darcy nibbled her donut, grinning at it. "Thanks, Natasha."

"Welcome." She walked off to share that. Hill was telling Stark about the social movements. Natasha nodded. "We knew that. She put her name on it, Maria." She got her own drink and sat down, staring at Clint and Steve, who were watching all this. "Jane said someone's trying to get Doom to date Darcy."

"Are they going to use her as an excuse to take him down?" Clint asked.

"That's one possibility. There's prices from other mad geniuses," Hill complained, taking another sip of her beer. "Back to some of her professors at Culver."

Clint shivered. "Well we can't let that happen."

"No, we won't," Stark agreed. "And yeah, the few I know are looking for the perfect lab assistant and wife. If I didn't know my mother had bad taste I would've thought my dad got her that way." He handed back the notes, going back to his lab. He didn't want to think about mad geniuses getting their hands on her and the kid. The kid might warp them so they're normal. Or Lewis might. She had kept Jane pretty normal. He could also stop some of that wanting of Darcy as a super lab assistant by noting her degree and son. They wouldn't want a kid that wasn't theirs or someone with a doctorate better than theirs. It might save her.

Hill finished off that beer, going back to her office to reevaluate the lab personnel's security needs. And her career choices, because she might be going just a bit insane.

Clint and Natasha shared a grin but they could make plans for the next time Darcy disappeared. Including who would watch the baby if he wasn't with her. Jane was the obvious choice but she might not be able to or might forget the kid for science.

***

Rollins got handed a note by his current second-in-command. "They sure?"

"Yeah, they're sure. No triggers, no code phrases. They're clean, boss."

"Thanks." He got up and went down to the cells those rescued HYDRA people were being kept in, stepping in to talk to each one. He saved his favorite for last. He opened the door and grinned. "Glad we found your ugly ass."

The guy on the bed stared at him. "They even had the nurses do my hair for me." He dangled the cuffs they kept him in from his finger with an evil smirk. "So, what did I miss?"

"A shit ton." He leaned in the doorway. "You sane?"

"Nah. Never happened." He sat up. "So now what?"

"Now, we're still in operation but we've had a few...blips."

"What sort of blips? SHIELD? Other HYDRA operatives?"

"That bastard Harris stole some of our stuff for battles. I wrote it off because the offer was to show up and use it ourselves."

"Yeah, I like that. We can get back any extras and get more. He still a free roaming asshole?"

"Slightly. Though..." He stepped in and leaned down. "Harris has a son," he said quietly then grinned. "His ma's sweet and one you wanted." Brock Rumlow stared at him. "Little Adrian Lewis?" He grinned and nodded. "No one else knows to keep them safe. Apparently a one night thing. Though the little shit's cuter than any of us ever were. Wants to be a pirate." He showed him the last video his people had lifted from SHIELD's files.

"Kid's got skills. He kidnaped you?"

"I was told he was mine by Fury." They shared a look. "Harris clued me in though." He grinned. "He does good knots. He got four other agents later that night and kept them for days before his mom found out."

Brock grinned. "Yeah, that's a kid I could see as my protégé."

"Not Lewis, mate."

Brock held up a hand. "You only carry around pictures and videos of the kids you're interested in the mom of, Jackie." He stood up. "We end up with her and I'll get out of the way." They looked toward the doorway at a sound, finding Harris standing there looking smug. "How the fuck did you do that?" He held up his special bracelet on his wrist. "What's that?"

"I'm the vengeance demon over frustrated heros. And yeah, she does read in my areas sometimes." He looked at Rollins. "I wouldn't mind if she didn't, but you will treat my baby good. You'd better be the most excellent, protective stepfather *ever*," he warned then smiled again. "Otherwise, well, I can train him to follow in my footsteps." He let them see a video of him and the kid cleaning the bigger slayer weapons after that meeting and before hitting Germany. Both guys moaned. "Got it?"

"Yeah, mate. If they're mine, they're more precious than my own skin."

Xander grinned and nodded. "They will be because I know a lot of beings who'd *love* to eat said skin." He winked at Brock then disappeared.

Brock looked at Jack. "Well, that's a positive development. He didn't warn you off."

"She was on a blind date with Jack Tyler from the CIA the other night. Met 'im on Tindr."

"Poor woman, having to stoop that low."

"Yeah but she lives in that damn tower."

"We'll figure it out, Jackie." He clapped him on the back. "Let's go see where I want to manage a few things while you handle the rest?"

"Could, yeah. I hate paperwork." They went back to the office together. The other guys were brought into the regular ranks and got to work making sure they were fit enough to be with them. If not, they'd give SHIELD a present or something. A nice gift to announce he was back.

***

Darcy woke up in a room. Which was odd. She had went to sleep in her bed in her apartment. This wasn't either of those areas. She was still dressed when she looked, and even had her fluffy slippers on. She got up to look out the window. Still at the tower, because it had a lot of the same view she had upstairs. "FRIDAY," she called patiently. "What am I doing down here?"

"I believe this was so you could announce certain people were back at their jobs, Dr. Lewis. They gassed you and then carried you down here. Your son is fine, he's still in his aunt's bed. They put him there to keep him safe."

"Uh-huh. Who?"

"I believe one was Agent Rollins by his image capture. He did kiss you sweetly on the temple and said he'd try to flirt more soon. He said I could tell you about that but they were very gentlemanly and did not touch you more than moving you."

"Why did they move me?"

"They were getting rid of some annoying coworkers according to the scarred one I'm not sure of the identity of."

Darcy blinked a few times. "It must be way too before coffee." She walked out of the bedroom to the living room of this empty apartment. And found the 'presents'. "Oh, huh. Sure. Um, who's awake of Clint and Natasha?"

"Both but they're on a run in the park. Sir is up but still mumbling at his non-working shirt. Mr. Wilson is up. He's stretching in the gym. Would that help?"

"Please. And leave a message for Jane about all this?"

"I already have, Dr. Lewis. I've seen you all before coffee before."

"Great, thanks." She looked at the kitchen. A cup from a gas station it looked like. She sniffed. Cold. They had a microwave so she used the edge of her shirt to cover her fingers so she wouldn't leave fingerprints as she warmed up the coffee. Someone pounded before stomping in wearing his uniform. "Hey, Sam!" She took out the coffee to sip, moaning. "Whoever left those with Rollins gave me the great coffee. Damn." She took another drink.

"That could be drugged," he complained.

She stared at him. "They drugged me enough to move me, didn't disturb my clothes, found my fluffy slippers in my closet and put them on me, and tucked me into the bed down here." She took another drink while staring at him.

"Yeah, they're probably not going to poison you." He looked at the tied up people. "Your son does it better." She grinned at that. "Any clue what's going on?" FRIDAY showed the videos of what had transpired and he just nodded. "That's Rumlow."

"Huh?" she asked. "The STRIKE guy?"

"Yeah. Rollins' former boss at STRIKE and Crossbones for HYDRA." He stared. "This may be above my pay grade."

"The spy twins are jogging."

"With Steve," he agreed dryly. "And possibly Bucky. Hey, FRIDAY, is Hill in yet?"

"She's doing breakfast and growling at something in her email," the AI said, sounding cheerful. "I've alerted her that she has a problem here and she said she'll be here in twenty minutes if it's not an emergency. Dr. Lewis, your son is awake and swearing for some reason."

"He hates waking up weird places. He got it from me." She took another drink. Maria Hill stomped in seventeen minutes later. "I got moved here." FRIDAY put up the footage for her.

Maria Hill looked at her. "Do you really want me to become an alcoholic, Lewis?"

"The golden trio of badass are all jogging," she shot back. "It was you or SHIELD."

"They would've ruined my day even worse. Where did you get coffee?"

"Rumlow left it on the counter," Sam complained. "She pointed out they probably didn't want to poison her since they didn't do more than kiss her on the forehead."

"Probably true," she agreed, taking the mostly empty cup anyway. "We'll check it just in case. Escort Lewis up to her apartment to make sure nothing's been touched and let her get dressed?" Sam nodded, doing that. Maria Hill looked up. "FRIDAY, please send those videos to Director Coulson's phone? Even if you have to hack it."

"Of course. Agent Johnson is presently on it so that's very helpful. She's looking at training videos and drooling."

At the SHIELD building, Daisy stared at the video that started to play. "Hey, boss, your phone's hacked by someone or something that's showing security video inside Stark tower," she yelled loudly. He was in the other room. He and Melinda May both showed up to see. She reran it and let them see it. "No clue why."

"The text message that popped up said Hill had it sent," Melinda complained. "It's too early for HYDRA."

"It's nice they gave agents back. Apparently they decided Dr. Lewis was used to dealing with new hostages for ransom," he joked. He reran part of it, making sure Melinda watched that part.

"Great!" she shot back. "He's got a crush!"

"Aww," Daisy quipped, taking the phone back to view it again. "That's sweet." She grinned. "It's not Doom since someone tried to get him to date her by gossip going around from Jemma."

Coulson blinked a few times. "That should probably not happen." Daisy smirked at him, handing him his phone back. "All right, let's go pick up the agents they no longer wanted. I'm wondering if they unbrainwashed them as well." He walked off. Today had started off pretty well with french toast in the caf but now...it was going to be a long day.

Melinda looked at her protégé. "Get dressed." She jogged off to do that, following her out to the SUV. She picked two other agents to help her gather. They ran into Hill as they came off the elevator. "They didn't want them?"

"They left a note in Lewis' apartment saying that those ones couldn't conform to the operations now so they weren't wanted and they weren't talking to HYDRA any longer to pass them on there. They did unbrainwash them."

"Great," Melinda said, sounding perfectly flat and sarcastic. "How charming! Rollins and his flirty ways?"

"A few people have put her and Harris together and think she may be his type but nicer. He's flirted a few times."

Melinda just nodded once. "It's nice he wants to date her. He does know about the child?"

"Yeah. I had an email from Harris saying he had warned Rollins to be the best stepparent to Adrian ever. He had to clue him in to protect her and the kid since Fury told Rollins the kid was his."

"I heard that part." She grimaced. "Well, if she can rehabilitate him...more power to her. She and Foster could probably use the guarding. I heard about Doom?"

"Yes, we've found the ones who are into science and want her as a specialist spouse and lab assistant. Stark put up that she was a doctor in her own right and most of them have lost interest. She did say if Doom did take her in she'd be fixing his country so it was better for the people. It'd be her wedding present to them."

Melinda grinned. "That might be nice. Someone should and I'm sure she's stubborn enough." She looked at the agents. "No gossiping. Go arrest those agents. They're probably pouting they didn't get taken by the kid."

One of the agents was one that Adrian had kidnaped. "Could be," he agreed happily. "And Rollins can be decent, even if he is HYDRA. I never heard he was a brute or an asshole to anyone he dated. Kept it casual and quiet but never hurt one. He and Rumlow beat the living fuck out of one agent who did though." He walked around the senior agents.

"I remember the paperwork on that and denying his injury leave," Hill said dryly. Daisy walked off giggling to help.

FRIDAY cleared her virtual throat. "Master Lewis was left a note saying those were his hostages so he's demanding ransom payments for them, Agent Hill."

"What's the kid's going rate?" she asked.

"He seems to prefer silver change."

"So a few rolls of quarters each?" Melinda asked.

"I believe he likes peanut butter jars per hostage worth but it can be mixed. He's not picky about denomination yet. As long as they can sometimes get him snacks out of the machine in the lab."

Daisy came out. "I heard. Small mason jars, dimes, nickels, and quarters only. Eight of them for the eight agents." The older women smirked at her. She went to the bank by the tower and then a nearby store to get them. It cost them under a hundred-thirty bucks to do that. Which was pretty cheap for a pirate ransom. She went up to give it to him. "Pirate Adrian?" she called. He leaned out of the lab. "I'm Daisy and I'm with SHIELD. I have your ransom." Darcy leaned out to stare at her. "We heard about the note." She winked. "Would you accept these jars of silver for them? One for each one?" She put them down in front of him.

He stared at them then at her. "I demand pops and coffee."

"That I didn't have time to get. That'd take a lot longer to get."

"I think we can negotiate for just these," Darcy told her son, staring at him. "You already had your decaf this morning and your pop tarts with Uncle Thor, son. Accept the booty and say thank you, Agent Daisy."

He grinned. "They may go." He waved a hand. "Thank you, Agent Daisy. You 'gotiate well." He carried his booty inside to play with it for now.

Darcy looked at her. "You didn't have to."

"I get a kick out of the kid and he's a lot cheaper than some pirates out there." She stood up with a wink and a grin. "We've got 'em for him. Does he have other hostages?"

Darcy looked at her son. "I hope not. Adrian, where are your hostages?"

"Just let them go!" he said firmly.

"No, those are the ones that we had tied up in your name," Daisy said.

"FRIDAY?" Darcy asked.

"Same floor, two apartments over, Dr. Lewis," she said quickly. "Two agents and a zookeeper who was going to protest the avengers members. He wanted to protest Thor's listing as an alien. No one wanted to deal with him so the security team handed him to Adrian. The other two were trying to break into the labs so Sir's robots helped him tie them up."

Darcy blinked a few times. "Yeah, okay. Thanks." She looked at Daisy. "You should send Rollins a thank you note for the others."

"I'd have to send it with a tracking device." She felt someone behind her and looked. "You're Harris."

"I am." He grinned and nodded. "Hey, Adrian, I've got a pirate present for you." Darcy glared. "It's not sharp!" He looked at the little guy. "This is a present of respect from another pirate. He was a mean one and thought you'd do better than he ever did when I talked to him about him taking a few slayers hostage." He handed over the sheathed dagger. "You have to be old enough for someone to teach you how to use it before you uncover it. Okay?"

"Yup!" He kissed it then ran to add it to his booty pile, getting down to swim in it. Daisy took film. So did Xander. Then he handed her a picture. He grinned and winked at Darcy before leaving. "Bye, thank you!" Adrian called with a wave then got back to swimming like Bucky had shown him.

Daisy looked at the picture then put it into her pocket. "I'll share that in a minute. That's so adorable. When I have kids I hope they're that cute." She grinned at Darcy. "Anything else show up that wasn't in the report?"

"Not yet. I think I need to talk to certain people about spoiling the kid though."

"He's at a good age for it." She left to go back down there. Melinda and Hill were both waiting on her. She handed over the picture. "Xander Harris gave Adrian a sheathed dagger that he said isn't sharp. Apparently it's a present of respect from the pirate that took some slayers hostage. The one in the picture probably."

Melinda looked then handed it to Hill. "Great. I'll write a thank you note for that report." She followed the 'hostages' down to the SUV's and then got in to drive. Daisy followed the last one and got into the other van. Somehow she ended up with only one prisoner so she could mutter a lot about wacky people and weird kids. The former agent giggled a bit but she got him with her stun gun. That stopped that giggling problem.

***

Sam's phone got a video of that handover and he sighed, showing it to Steve and Bucky.

"Yeah, he'll probably ask me or Clint about how to take care of it," Bucky agreed, grinning some. "His swimming stroke is better."

"Shouldn't we be gently breaking this fantasy of his?" Sam asked.

"All kids want to be something when they grow up," Steve said. "I used to want to be a fireman."

"I wanted to be a teacher because I could nag the parents back," Bucky said. "And a few times a librarian."

"I did the same things but it ended when playtime ended." Sam stared at them.

"It's fine. We've kept him from doing anything too harmful," Bucky said. "Some kids know what they want to be really young too. My sisters sure did, and none of it came with being a mother. Much to my mother's sighing."

Steve grinned. "I wasn't that lucky. But the kid's mostly normal."

Sam just nodded. He'd ask his sister's advice later on, when the two old guys weren't watching. The kid was seriously weird to him. Maybe it was all the science around him.

***

Darcy found Natasha staring at Adrian's knife and carefully took it from her. "Do not sharpen that please. He'll hurt himself or others by accident." She put it back into the sheathe. "Xander stole it off a pirate he took down that was taking slayers hostage and gave it to him as pirate gear like his spare eyepatch." She finished her trek into the kitchen then came back with the danish she had been getting. "Don't teach him weapons yet either please. Wait until he's older. I want him to be a normal little guy who does something normal for his future career."

Natasha smiled at her back. "Of course not. He has to be at least five to handle a knife."

"Try eight for cutting up food knives and ten for self defense ones." She got onto the elevator, going back to the lab.

Natasha shook her head but looked amused. "Much too late. He'll have to deal with bullies by then." She went to talk to Clint about what the boy needed to learn and when. He agreed with the mother, and so did Bucky. And Sam blatantly glared at her for her suggestions. "It could be necessary."

"That's why he's got parents," Sam reminded her. "Little kids shouldn't fight for their lives unless humanity's failed." She grimaced at that reminder. "We're not there yet and unless we're in Max Max, any version including Thunderdome, he hopefully won't need that sort of skills."

"Fine."

Clint patted her on the arm. "Harris gave him a knife?"

"Totally unsharpened. I started with the tip but she took it from me. Gently so I did not get hurt."

"She's good at that," Clint agreed, patting her again. "We need to get him to not trip first, Nat. He needs more flexibility and skills for running."

"Fine, we can start with the more generic things."

Sam looked at them. "I'm worried about you two and your mental states."

They shrugged. "Experience points," Clint quipped.

"Yeah, Lewis isn't that way and if she needs to be, she'd probably get a baby stepdaddy."

"True," Clint agreed. Natasha nodded she agreed, shifting her weight.

"So the boy will need normal things. Sports. Maybe yoga. Swimming skills. Handling making friends skills. That stuff. That's what normal kids get."

The two spies shrugged and went back to planning on getting Adrian into yoga again. He could use it. It'd help with growth spurts too. Maybe they'd get Darcy to learn with him.

Sam walked off shaking his head and sighing. He really was sad about how those two grew up.

***

Adrian's third birthday party was interrupted by a call to assemble but it was mostly for the daycare kids anyway so they were safely at some kid's play place that had a lot of fun for littler kids. Sam had to stay, he had a broken wrist, so they were all safe and the other parents weren't too worried. Adrian wasn't aware anything weird had went on because he was squealing as he rode a carousel ride with Bethany and a few other kids.

The other kids were in a huge ball pit squealing and having fun. It was headache inducing but he was having fun so that's what was important. Darcy had paid up front so there wasn't any problems at the end of the night. Adrian even agreed the workers could have the last few cupcakes and pizzas.

He thanked them like the good boy his mom tried to make him, making the workers smile. Darcy thanked them as well and tipped them some before following her son to the car with all his presents in his Auntie Jane's hands. But no Jane out there. Presents were in the car and the car was open. She looked. "Jane?" she called. "Don't make me call Thor!"

"I'm fine," Jane called from the alleyway. She came out with a new present.

Darcy took it to open then went to look in there. "Hey! It's too much for a three-year-old boy." Rollins pouted. "He's too young for a gun, Rollins. Thank you but he has to be at least ten for guns, bows, or knives."

"Xander let him pet his weapons."

"Yes but those go home with Xander. My son would probably hurt someone by accident." She handed it back with a pointed look. "Thank you though."

"Are you flirting back?" he teased.

"I have no idea about anything other than my son took you hostage." She grinned. "I need to get to know someone before the first date. There's a lot of chatting before then."

He tipped his head. "So that's not a no or a yes."

"That's true, because we've barely talked." She pushed her hair back over her shoulder. Adrian came in and looked up at him. "Say hi, Adrian?"

"Hi, Hostage!" He grinned and waved. "You a good hostage. Steal you again?"

"Some day soon, yeah." He patted him on the head. "Did you have a good birthday?" Adrian beamed and nodded. "Good boy." He looked at Darcy, making her blush at the intense stare. "We'll chat soon." He tweaked Adrian's nose with a wink. "You have a good night. Let me disappear before his honorary aunts and uncles show back up." He strolled off.

"Have good night, Hostage!" He looked up at his mother, who still had the present. "Mine?"

"Um, no. It's a bit too old for you. You have to be ten." He pouted but nodded. "We'll put it on a shelf or something so you can stare at it." She took him back to the car, finding Jane kissing Thor. She held up the gun to let Natasha and Clint see. "Jack Rollins' gift to him."

Natasha nodded. "It's not a bad choice. Very light for his tiny hands." Darcy scowled. "Of course he shouldn't have more than gun safety lectures at his age." Darcy grinned and nodded. "The same as you should. Just in case."

"I know how to use one." She put that into her purse and got Adrian into his carseat. "You're getting so big. Pretty soon you'll just have the booster seat." He grinned. She heard a sniffle and looked. "Bethany, where's your dad?" She shrugged. "Okay, get into the car while I call him." She went inside to look. No dad. No mom, though she hardly ever saw Bethany's mom. She tried to call his phone and no answer.

"Well, you can sleep over tonight." She called the daycare worker's phone. "I know it's late. It's Darcy and I have Bethany. Her dad's not at the party and I can't find him so I'm bringing her back with me. Can you call the mom? Thank you!" She hung up and buckled Bethany in too. "There, that should be okay for the few blocks back to the tower."

She got inn to drive, letting Jane talk to the kids. The avengers all shared a look but got into their rides to go back to the tower too. Darcy barely got everyone and the things upstairs before someone knocked. "Oh, Bethany's mom," she sighed in pleasure. "She was at the birthday party and he seems to have wandered off to get away from the squealing. I hope you don't mind?"

"No, Dr. Lewis, it's fine," the tired looking woman said. "It's probably safer for her." She limped in.

Darcy stared at her back. "I can get an officer or an agent if you need me to," she said quietly.

"I've got a few at the house and one gave me a ride over." She hugged her daughter. Then she grinned at Adrian. "You are such a good friend to her, Adrian." She hugged him too. Then she looked at Darcy. "I'm safe and she'll be safe, Dr. Lewis."

"Okay, but if not, let me know if I can help. I can kid sit and all that if you need me to for a bit."

"Thank you," she said quietly, letting Darcy hug her and Bethany. They went home and let the officers handle things. Her husband was an idiot for not wanting their special kid and he had proved it. Thankfully she worked in the tower so she had access to security and lawyers. Happy Hogan got there not long after she got back to see what she needed to help them both.

Darcy put the bouncy son down into his bed and went to shower and hide that gun. Maybe it was a helpful and practical gift after all.

***

Brock was listening to Darcy putter around on her day off the day after the birthday. She had sent the kid to daycare for the day, apparently he and that little girl were good friends. It made him grin. Rollins was still asleep so he listened to Darcy cleaning the house. She muttered at the laundry as she sorted them. And at the dishes as she hand washed them.

Then she went to take a shower and get comfortable for a bit. He nudged Rollins, waking him up at the first happy noise she made. Jack glared so he handed over the headphones. Jack put them on and put his head back down, then groaned. Darcy was making herself happy. At least slightly happy since it was a hissing little moan she was letting out.

Brock watched how Jack reacted. It was great fun. They did for each other now and then when they got desperate. Lewis would look great between them. Brock could have some happy thoughts about that. Until Jack punched him right in his grin. "Hey!"

"Yeah, suck it up." He went back to listening. She clearly had a vibrator. You could hear it running in the background. And her getting louder and happier. Jack sucked in a breath as she finally got off and he went limp, barely touching himself. "She needs someone to help her with that."

"I'm not against that," Brock offered. Jack scowled. "I won't step in the way though."

"Thanks." He flipped onto his back, considering things. He was hard and he could handle that in a minute. Brock moved to help him with it. "Wonder what she likes."

"Clearly vibes," Brock offered, stroking his buddy off for now. "Probably likes the normal things. I didn't take her as the kinky kind and Harris sure isn't."

"Hmm. That could be fun though. See if she'd like some of my favorite ideas." He grinned, getting off. "Thanks."

"Welcome." He finished himself off and they got a shower before going to talk to their people. "Didn't she say to start a chat with her?"

"Yeah, she does. She's real cautious before the first date. Don't blame her with the assholes out there." He grinned, sending an email about her night and his dreams last night of them at a picnic. He left out that they had the picnic after he had saved some people, that was his reward. He could hear Darcy snoring so he'd get answered later.

Brock grinned at his back because Jack being in that sort of mushy lust was cute on him. Very adorable and soft of him. So when Jack punched him again he just grinned, licked at the blood, and pounced him to beat him back.

***

Adrian pouted at the daycare workers. "Where's Bethany?"

"I have no idea," one said with a grin. "You can write her mother to ask her. Or have FRIDAY ask her if she's not busy."

"FRIDAY?" he called. "Where's Bethany's mommy?"

"She's in accounting and I'll ask her," the AI said. A moment later she sounded happier. "She's visiting her grandmother for a few more days but is expected to be back in two weeks, Adrian."

"Thank you!" He waved at the ceiling then pouted at the daycare worker. "I'm bored!"

"Let's pull out some of the workbooks then, Adrian. You can learn big kid stuff like your mom knows."

He shook his head quickly. "No science! It's for girls."

"It can be but we can work with letters," she offered. "There's even colorable letters." He nodded, going with her to get a worksheet copied off so he could color the letters. She told him how to do it and he settled in with the box of crayons. Most of the other kids were younger than he was and they were napping. Sometimes he missed napping. He yawned but got back to it. Even if he did fall asleep on top of his worksheet and get put onto a cot for a few minutes. When he got up he went right back to it. Auntie Jane did when she fell asleep on her science, he could do it to his letters. The daycare workers smiled at that little determined face. He was so adorable sometimes.

***

Sam looked up at whoever he ran into, smiling at Darcy, who was walking while reading. "How's the kid?"

"Frustrating but that's about normal. We're trying to teach him that most people, including him, don't work like his Auntie Jane does. He's wearing himself out and doesn't understand time management yet."

"That's a hard subject for some people," Sam agreed. "Any luck getting him off the pirate stuff?"

"It's better than some of the things he's seen, Sam. I'd rather he wants to be a pirate instead of a warrior or like his dad. Doing that stuff is a lot more dangerous and comes with a lot more weapons. He's too young for weapons or to know what you guys actually do. Which is why I have to keep locking him in the apartment after battles because he wants to go check on Clint all the time." She walked around him. "But he's good. Mostly. He's on a blueberry muffin kick and I'm out of mix." She sighed. "Thankfully I've got a grocery order started."

Sam blinked a few times. "I didn't think about that. Then again, when I was little I didn't think soldiers do what I do now either." He went back on his trek to the gym.

Darcy waved at Natasha. "The son's being picky."

"What now?" she asked, looking up from her news watching.

"Blueberry muffins. For the last three days. So it should last all week." She made a mug of tea and walked off carrying the steeping mug. "Bruce is knocked out if you guys need him and I've got to wake him up for an interview." She went to that lab, tapping on the glass walls. No answer. She knocked a bit harder. Still no answer.

She opened the door. "Hey, Bruce, it's Darcy and you've got that interview in twenty," she called quietly. Then repeated it more loudly. She sighed. He really did need the rest apparently. He wasn't very good to himself. She put the mug down beside him and checked him. He was chilled. He had a pulse so that was great, but didn't wake up. "Shit! Medical to Banner's lab," she ordered. "Now please!"

Bruce moaned but fell off his stool. She squatted down to check his head, getting out of their way. "I was bringing him tea to wake him up for his interview in twenty minutes. He didn't wake even with me putting his mug down next to him. He tried to wake up and fell onto the floor." She got out of the way. Tony stomped in. "Wouldn't wake up. Even when I put his mug of tea down next to him."

"I thought you gave up scientist wrangling."

"We have a joint interview in twenty, Stark. I was trying to wake him gently and brought him a mug of tea."

"Oh, yeah, that senator's thing that no one wants to deal with," he realized. She nodded. "That's going to cause a stink."

"He'll be in medical," one of the nurses said. "He's been sedated." They lifted the gurney and took him off to be checked over. Darcy wrote a quick note and handed it to one of them. "So he's aware?"

"Yeah. I'll dump out his tea." She did that and rinsed the cup, laying the teabag on the sink's edge to dry. She and Tony left, letting Tony lock the lab. "Let me go brush my hair." She went to do that and then be questioned by people who had no idea what she did or how she did it but demanded the right to be nosy and didn't pay her for it. "Bruce is in medical," she said as she walked in.

Jane grimaced. "Lucky him. They're early."

"They can wait. We have an appointment." She went into the bathroom then came out a minute later. "That's better." She sat down and turned on the video conferencing software, accepting the waiting call. "Good afternoon."

"You're late."

Darcy looked at the clock on the wall behind her then at him. "You scheduled for two-thirty. It's barely two-twenty, sir." He glared. She stared back. "Now, what did you want to talk to me about since I don't accept grants from congress for any of my work, Senator?"

He glared again. "You're mouthy."

"No, I'm honest. I'm also blunt and forthright because I will not have anything I say twisted."

"You scientists...." he stared.

She held up a hand with a grin. "My undergrad was poli sci, Senator, and I interned in your mentor's office for two summers running." He flinched at that. "I know better than to use statements that could get twisted. Now, what did you want to discuss? Is Congress opening new grant opportunities for astrophysicists?"

He stared at her. "Didn't I meet you before?"

"Yes and you totally pinched my side boob area and got tazed for it," she said with a smile. "Because nothing I do is on my knees or back and I wasn't going to be a mistress then either." The man spluttered. "Are there new grant opportunities?"

"It's thought that people like you may be a worry to the rest of the world, young lady."

"I don't see why. I'm very socially conscious and I'm very much pro humanity in all it's many forms. I'm a member of many groups that support and help minorities and I'm also a member of groups that support humanity centered politics. I have been since my undergrad at Culver. Though Culver is a bit conservative leaning, I did learn a lot about humanity from them and how varied and wonderful it is." She smiled. "That's why I went on the humanities tour through the twenty-seven cities in Africa and then three in the Middle East my junior year."

"Cities?" he demanded.

"Yes. Every single country has at least one amazing city in it. Just like they do in Europe. Most of those cities even predate some of the European ones most people consider culturally important. I learned a lot watching how they thought and did things. Including better gardening skills from a workshop we ran to spread new breeds of seeds to villages to see if the more drought tolerant species thrived. Some of those breeds have become very vital to their economies. All non GMO made too, all from breeding." She grinned. "Our biology department worked for years on those and are quite proud of how they do, rightly so in many opinions that matter in that world."

He grimaced. "Fine. Whatever. Your little science things could be dangerous to humanity, young lady."

"I doubt that. I'm not presently working on power research topics and I'll hopefully never have to work on weapons research. So why would anything I find be dangerous?" She made her face look interested instead of laughing at him like she wanted to do.

"Your bridge *thing*," he sneered.

"That's Dr. Foster, not me, Senator. She's worked on it for years and has proven it works well but I was only her intern when she was working on it."

"You're still all the same."

She tipped the camera. "That's Dr. Jane Foster, Senator." She put it back in place. "We're not the same person." He growled. "And nothing I'm working on really has anything to do with Jane's research of the moment. We do occasionally work on the same project but right now isn't one."

"That bridge could bring who knows what down here," he yelled.

She stared at him, one eyebrow going up. "I doubt Asgard is going to invade. The one who did, who was under torture at the time, has apologized for it and reparations were made." He spluttered. "Frankly, half of Asgard considers Midgard, us, to be backwards hicks who have not a clue. We're basically little kids playing dress up to the rest. They only want to come down here for entertainment." She shrugged. "If you asked Thor he'd tell you that if he's being honest. Beyond that, there's been some banished Asgardians down here for millennia. They probably watched us painting on cave walls. They haven't caused a problem yet."

"There's other aliens who could use that bridge *thing*," he sneered.

"No, there's a guardian on the bridge. Which only goes to the other eight realms. He won't let anyone use it and has to allow anyone even on Asgard to use it. His name's Heimdall and he's a massive warrior who can beat Thor in any game Heimdall wants to choose. Including sparring."

"Who is this person?"

"The guy in the gold armor," Jane called. She rolled her eyes.

"He's...black," he said with a grossed out sneer.

Darcy shrugged. "So? Why does that matter, Senator? It didn't matter to the Norse peoples down here, who took in runaway slaves from the Roman empire and had great trading partners in the Middle Eastern trading cultures of the time period. Yes, there were black and asian people in the Norse lands and they were citizens just like they are in the US; though the Norse people did have true gender equality and better women's rights and social programs.

"The history coming out of the actual study of the Norse peoples instead of some man's dream of them is really fascinating and you should read it sometime." She stared at him, adjusting her glasses. "As for other aliens, if they wanted to invade they can fly here. As we've seen, space ships can work to get to this solar system. Though I believe it's the job of SWORD to handle it if they do."

"I think it is," Jane agreed. "They deal with aliens and weird things." She shot Darcy a grin and a wink since she was off camera.

"How do we prevent it, young lady?"

"I'm older than your wife, Senator." She stared at him. "That would be up to SWORD. We can't really make a planetary shield at our current level of science without interfering with sunlight and weather patterns as far as I know. Anything that would protect us would block out sunlight to block out any laser based weaponry. You'd have to ask someone like Dr. Richards or Dr. Stark about that. It's a fascinating area but not one I'm invested in at this moment. I know Dr. Stark has gotten information from a few alien cultures about how they do ships and shields. He may have an idea."

"Dr. Stark?" he sneered.

"Yes, Tony Stark has three PhD's, Senator. He is officially Dr. Stark, not Mr. Stark. Not using his title is insulting just like it is when you don't use it with your coworker, Dr. Henricks. She's got a doctorate in economics from what I've read." She stared at his video image. "We do call him Dr. Stark out of respect for his studies and his work. If he wants less than Dr. he'll tell us. I don't have that familiarity with him at this point so I use his title. As polite people do." She gave him a pointed look, getting sneered at back. "Now, anything else you wanted to talk about today, Mr. Thomas?"

"Where is Dr. Banner?" he demanded. "He was due to be here."

"He's in the medical wing unconscious. I found him earlier and had him sent. I'm sure if you send him an email he'll be able to answer any questions you may still have. Though I don't believe he's very invested in a planetary shield either at the moment. That's not really his area of research. It is mine but I'm more identifying and tracking energy streams at the moment. That way we can tell if something is getting nearer. You need an alarm before a shield."

The senator grimaced. "Fine, young lady."

"Senator, I'm over thirty. I'm not that young." She smiled slightly. "Perhaps your camera is very flattering to me but still." She tipped her head to the right. "Were there any other questions, Senator?"

"I've been told you have a son with someone."

"Yes, I do have a son. His father knows about him but his father is in a dangerous field so he stays out of his life to protect us. I'm very fond of his father and we're fairly decent friends. Why does that matter? Women have been having children since the beginning of time or there wouldn't be a humanity. And if you think me being a mother means I'm not as smart as you're worried I am, you're wrong. And he'll be just as bright as I used to read my homework to him." He choked. "Anything else today, Senator?"

"You're going to be called to answer questions about how we protect ourselves."

"If you must but I can't add much to that talk and it's a waste of money and time. Should I spread the news that there will be one so others can be prepared to show up as well?" He hung up. She closed out the program. "FRIDAY, did Stark see that?" she asked quietly.

"Yes, Sir was eavesdropping and had a good chuckle, Dr. Lewis. And he thanks you for pointing out he does have three doctorates to that windbag, who he has anointed as a waste of his parents' butler's time to raise for them."

"Yes, he was," Jane agreed. "How would you do a planetary shield anyway?"

"Satellite based," Darcy said. "Multiple ones so it's easier to manage and correct if there's a problem but the energy waves will still disrupt sunlight and therefore the weather." They shared a look. "Ask Dr. Malcolm if someone's doing that?"

"I can do that. Didn't you give him a copy of the schematics for the plate system?"

"Yes, but I know no one's going to get it from him and he's used to weird science things." They shared a grin. They both knew he might use it punitively but he could just go visit the dino friends he made. Or send a really bad student there. She turned back to her computer. "What does one wear to talk to congress?"

"Business suit probably. Go in looking stunning, Darce."

"Yes, I can probably do that." She got back to work on her current ideas. They really did need an alien alarm soon.

***

Darcy sat down next to Jane that night. "I figured out the alarm but it means it'll pick up the bridge, any version. Which means some of your data will get out."

Jane considered it. "How far?" Darcy showed her the math for it. Jane read it over, making a correction. "You divided wrong but it still works out. This would announce any energy streams, terrestrial and not." She looked at Darcy. "That would put out some of the data on the bridge before I'm ready."

"Which I don't want to do. It's shitty science and shitty ethics." They shared a look. "So, how soon are you announcing so I can make paranoid assholes like that senator calm down?"

"Wellllll....." She considered it. "I need to talk to Heimdall." Darcy nodded. "I wonder if they have one you can compare to."

"Possibly. Can I put this out without the science behind it?"

"Not if you're going to publish. That would be peer reviewed and they'd want the data points." She considered the math again. "You can't do it without mine either. It won't work on many energy streams. Did you build it on the bridge's back?"

"No. Not that I'm aware of. I built it on the portal system though."

"Which does build on the bridge's methodology." Jane considered it. "Let me talk to Heimdall first?" Darcy grinned and nodded. "Did you save this down multiple places?"

"Yeah, and filed a patent for just this application. Which is marked classified and I did give you a lot of credit if someone looks at it."

"Thanks." She looked that application over, nodding. "That's not exposing what it's built on so that's probably all right." She got up. "Let me go to see if Heimdall's up." She went to the bridge terminus to ring the doorbell she and Darcy had rigged up. Heimdall appeared a minute later, staring at her. She held up the formula. "Darcy's to set up an alarm for alien energy but it'll catch the bridge. She didn't want to let anyone know about the bridge's energy without telling me."

"I saw that discussion." He grinned as he looked it over. "This would catch much but not all." Jane texted and Darcy came up to explain her idea. He considered it. "That energy change would possibly catch some sunspots as well if they were extremely strong."

"It'd blip each time the ISS went past it too," Darcy said. "But I can't narrow it down without it totally blowing open her bridge work and possibly excluding someone like the Kree."

"Hmm. That is a problem." She and Jane went over it with him and he made suggestions, which mostly didn't fully work but it was a later idea.

Thor walked in. "Heimdall, how fares thee?"

"Well, Thor, but your adopted sister has solved a problem and yet it may bring another to the bridge."

Thor looked over Jane's arm. "I know nothing about that."

Darcy smiled at him. "It's an alarm to tell us if alien energy comes near earth. It'd be set on a satellite."

"Ah." Thor considered it. "It would be too broad?" Darcy nodded. "Then someone could possibly refine it greatly at some later date to weed out the bridge."

"The bridge's sensor is built into it," Darcy admitted. "It's the only way to do that and it'd expose some of Jane's work before she's ready. But it is something we could use."

Thor nodded. "It is." He looked at Jane.

"I could go public tomorrow with the bridge but the people aren't ready."

Heimdall nodded. "It works well, Jane Foster. We are not fully ready yet either. Many would want to use it to come be entertained."

Darcy grinned at him. "That senator is a pompous windbag who hates anyone not white and human and male."

"I know many of that type," Heimdall admitted. "They are not interesting to watch." She blushed. "You may wish to search for anything else those who moved you put into your apartment, Darcy Lewis."

"Shit, they bugged it. A listening device?" He nodded with a grin. "Super shit! And I was having fun the other day."

Jane patted her on the shoulder. "I'm pretty sure SHIELD has us bugged too and has heard plenty of me having fun on Thor's abs." She looked at Thor, who just sighed. She grinned at Darcy. "At least it's not a black ops corporate spy group."

"No, it's probably Rollins."

"Well...." Jane considered it. "He's probably not sharing it with anyone since he's been flirty."

"Probably but I got noisy the other day when I took a day off to clean the house."

Jane nodded. "You needed it. You were tense and uptight." She looked at Heimdall. "I could announce it tomorrow."

"You could," he agreed. "It would probably cause a stink."

"We could announce yours at the women in science conference next month," Darcy said. "Or the conference in Russia."

"I do not think it's safe for either of you to go to that," Thor admitted. "Even though Erik is showing up there."

Darcy grimaced. "I'm due to speak there, Thor. On the portal system. I was going to talk to Happy about how to safely do that later this week. Jane wasn't going to go because she was going to watch Adrian? Or is my mom toddler sitting?"

"I think your mom was going to. We can arrange all that this week." She looked at Heimdall. Who shrugged. "When is a good time for you to have it announced?"

"Probably not for many years. Our people can be annoyingly persistent though." He considered it. "Next year would be better."

"I can draw it out," Jane said, looking at Darcy, who nodded. "And if you die or disappear I'll announce it in your name."

"Thanks, Janeybug." She hugged her then Thor. "Let me go pick up the kid from the daycare. His buddy was due back today and he's probably still wrapped around her." She hugged Heimdall too. "I don't mind if you watch me. It might make me do more fun things." She went down to the daycare.

Heimdall smiled. "Her son is most amusing," he noted. "Though he missed taking a hostage again earlier."

Jane rolled her eyes. "He needs to stop that habit of his."

"His father has helped him pet many weapons recently when he was upset about one of his slayers dying. They cuddled while petting missile launching systems." Jane moaned. Heimdall grinned at her. "Yes, very, but it was adorable." He looked at Thor, who was looking up and shaking his head. "Your mother would have been most charmed by him."

"Yes, as she was Loki." He made a face. "Adrian is not as much trouble as my brother had been but he is quite amusing." Jane poked him on the side, making him yelp. "Jane!"

"Quit, Thor. All kids are weird in many ways and all kids have fun things in their lives. If his is taking hostages, maybe he'll use that for his career beyond being a pirate."

"His father's ship is fixed and Xander could easily take him on a trip." Jane stared at him. "Darcy would get sick."

"That would suck for them. She'd hate that."

"Hmm. So perhaps when he's older. Or she can use it to test her alarm system." He bowed with a smirk for Jane before leaving them together.

Jane looked up then at Thor. "Someday I'm going to pinch that man." She walked around her boyfriend.

"He would probably be amused," Thor admitted. "Especially if he has a hangover from a night of mead. The last time he saw into another realm where he and I shared a wife."

Jane paused to blink. "I shared both of you?"

"Not you." He grinned. "You and I had broken up when science became more important."

She stared at him, making him back up a step. "I can see how that may happen, Thor, but you don't mind my science and I don't mind your warrioring."

"True, which is why we work." He kissed her then headed for the kitchen. "Is there meat for dinner?"

"I don't know. I haven't cooked," she said. She followed to see what they were making for dinner. She and Darcy could handle that once Adrian was back up there. They heard the alarm and got the text message alert, making her moan. "Well, fuck!" She went down there to help. Adrian could be the queen of stubborn at times. He wouldn't want to give up the new hostages.

Bethany was sobbing on him but that happened. Jane looked at Darcy, who had just zapped someone. "Nope. Not today we're not," Jane quipped. Bucky raced in too. One of them reached for her. That was the last thing he did since his head deflated from the back coming off. Jane got the kids into the safe room with Darcy. Adrian was scowling.

"Not take my hostages!" he yelled as he was walked off. "They're mean and need to walk the plank!"

"Yeah, I've got a plank they can walk," Bucky called. "The police will take them, Adrian." The boy stared at him then ran off with the other kids because his mom was going to pick him up and carry him if he didn't take her nudges. Bucky smirked at the bad guys, who all looked scared. "I adore that kid. He's so sweet." He punched another guy and he fell down crying because his face was broken. "FRIDAY, are there others?"

"Two, Mr. Barnes. Both tied up in a closet from earlier. Adrian and Bethany were going to split the booty for those two."

Bucky looked in the closet she opened the door to then sighed. "Great. Did HYDRA send you guys?" he asked sarcastically. They stared at him, mouths stuffed with towels. "Did the kid get help tying you up?" They nodded. "Was it the daycare worker?" They shook their heads. "Did she know?" They shook their heads again. "Okay then. Happy!" he called. "Two more in here for the agents. They were HYDRA. Adrian said they need to walk the plank and he and his buddy are splitting any booty."

Maria Hill stomped over, staring at them. "We can split the rewards on their capture between the kids," she decided patiently. She was furious but didn't want the kids to hear her. "Where are the kids?"

"Safe room. The daycare worker was knocked out and Adrian was soothing his little buddy that was crying when I got here. Which was shortly after Lewis. She went momma bear I believe it's called."

"She's probably really good at it." Jane stomped out. "The kids all right, Foster?"

"Yes. They're fine. Not scared. They thought they were new tower guards. Speaking of, FRIDAY?" A video was shown on the local tv about the guard that had helped Adrian. "What's his damage?"

"He's got a crush on Lewis," Bucky said. "We've had a talk." Hill stared at him. He grinned. "The boy needs a good, polite, strong willed stepdaddy."

"Yes he would," Hill agreed. "And a very understanding one." Her people showed up to help gather the idiots. The daycare worker was going to the medical unit. Hill looked at the guy missing the back of his skull then at Barnes. "Yanked his hair?"

"Yeah, a bit too hard. I didn't want the kids to see it and be horrified of me."

"Kids like gory things for some reason," she said then shrugged. "They laugh at horror movies. They'd probably think you doing that is neat until they're about six or so. My godchild would."

Bucky smirked a bit but ducked his head. "Yeah, but I'd rather they not see it from me."

"True. That could get them to mob you." He walked off, following the idiots. She got the parents summoned in from where some were already gathering and waiting. "We think they wanted a few kids to get their parents. They're in the safe room with Dr. Lewis. Her son helped by tying up his hostages." The parents giggled. "He's a pirate," Hill explained to the ones who looked confused. "Caught some agents too." She led them to gather their kids, making sure they signed out. Bethany's mom was held back. "She was sobbing on Adrian's chest," she said more quietly. "He protected her."

"I'll make sure she's all right and thank that little pirate later," she promised.

"Adrian said he's splitting the booty for the new hostages with her. Two do have rewards for capture so we'll make sure it goes to her college fund?"

"That'd be appreciated. Thank you, Agent Hill." She went to gather her kid, who Adrian was cuddling on his mother's lap. "Thank you, Darcy."

"It's not a problem. She was scared but he was being a thug." Bethany's mother giggled but picked her up to cuddle.

Adrian looked up. "She can sleep over and swim in my booty with me. Girls shouldn't cry. Booty swimming makes her happy. It does me."

"If she wants, she can stay over this weekend for a few hours, Adrian." She leaned down to kiss him on the forehead. "Thank you for helping her." Adrian grinned and kissed her on the cheek. "Such a good boy." She carried her daughter off, signing her out. Happy had her escorted to her car.
Darcy carried her son out, signing him out. "We're going upstairs," she told Hill. "He's not old enough to report."

"Probably not," Hill agreed. "We have video for that, Lewis." She nodded, carrying her son off and Jane following. Hill sighed. "That kid is very interesting." One of her remaining agents looked over. "Agent May requested she get to train him."

"Pity. I heard Hawkeye was."

"He's working on his flexibility and stuff. Lewis said no weapons training until ten."

"Good!" The agent nodded. "I'd hate to see him with her tazer, boss."

"He did steal it a few times to zap people so he could take hostages of lab techs." She grinned. "He's a little pirate." The agent just walked off nodding. Hill was amused, the kid did bring some life to her drab existence of paperwork and avengers.

***

Rollins checked the feed for the night, hearing her crying. Not sobbing like she was hurting but stress crying. He checked the news people who watched over the tower, finding out why. "They're stupid." Brock strolled over to read over his shoulder. "She's stress sobbing." He let him see the news source. "Tried to get some kids to get geniuses."

"The ones doing it certainly weren't." He got their hacker to download the video from the tower so they could see what happened. "That guard is a pain."

"Yeah, he's crushing hard but Barnes had a discussion with him." He nodded. "That little girl's neat. Must be his buddy Bethany. He told me about her."

"Huh. You two chatted?"

"While he had me tied up." He grinned. "He's a good one to tie you up."

Brock patted him on the back. "So maybe bondage gear for his next birthday?" he asked with a grin. "He could probably use some good handcuffs."

"Regular ones with extra keys in case he locks himself in them or his mom." He grinned. "Not a bad idea." He went to look up how much cuffs were. He'd never bought his own, they had always been given to him by SHIELD. Brock grinned at his back. "Go train the rookies."

"Gladly, brother. They could use whipped into shape." He got a few things and went to the training area. "Fall in!" he shouted. "Training time, bitches!"

***

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Clint Barton yelled, running up the halls. Everyone looked. Why would he be running from something instead of firing an arrow at it. Then they saw a familiar kid laughing as he chased him, and he had a crossbow. A nerf one though.

A few minutes later his mom stomped past growling. "I said no weapons until he's ten! That means nerf too damn it!"

"Sorry," Clint yelled back. "He's chasing me!"

"You're the one that gave him the nerf crossbow!" She found her son, taking it from him. "No weapons yet, son."

"But mine! We're playing, Mommy!"

She stared at him. "No weapons, son."

He pouted. "Mine," he whined, reaching for it. "Please! Just playing!" He started to throw a mini fit. Darcy huffed but tossed the crossbow at Clint's head before picking up the kid and carrying him off. "Mommy! Playing with Unclie!"

"Sorry! Uncle Clint is grounded for the rest of the day for giving you that weapon, son. You could have been hurt and he needs to stand in the corner." She glared at Clint before going down the stairs. "You can play with Uncle Clint tomorrow when he's not grounded." He sniffled again. "Sorry but he's grounded." She walked him into the lab and put him in his chair. "You calm down and we'll let you deliver stuff."

Jane looked back at her. "What happened?"

"He was chasing Clint up the hall with a nerf crossbow."

Jane blinked a few times. "Nerf's mostly safe."

"For those over eight. They're rated eight and up, Jane. He could fire at Clint and miss and hurt someone else. He's not allowed to have weapons until he's ten. Even nerf."

"Fine." She cuddled the boy. "You can play with Uncle Clint again tomorrow, Adrian."

"Yup, because today Clint's grounded." Steve walked in and she stared at him. "Clint's still grounded."

"That's fine. The ...thingy." he said with a look at the kid.

"I threw it at Clint's head. He caught it."

"They're supposed to be safe."

"Rated eight and up," she said firmly. "We got two calls from people who got tagged by him by accident. One of them in her chemistry lab, Rogers."

"Oh. Okay. Mom rules apply." He grinned. "Can I teach him to paint?"

"Why don't you teach the whole daycare to paint and draw?"

"I guess I could." He picked up Adrian. "Come draw with me and the other kids?" Adrian looked confused.

"Steve can draw the worksheets," Jane explained.

"Oooh. Please? I can do worksheets?" he asked his mother.

"As many as you want, Adrian." She kissed him on the cheek. "Let Uncle Steve show you how to draw neat stuff. You can draw a picture for the fridge tonight." He beamed and nodded at this uncle.

Steve took him off to go to the daycare with him. "Darcy suggested I could teach the kids how to draw?"

"Sure," the daycare worker agreed, grinning at him. "Kids love art." She showed him the art stuff she had and he settled down with the older kids to show them how to draw simple things. They were doing shapes so that was good for them.

***
part 7 by Voracity2
Darcy was on the phone the next time her son had a run in with his former hostage. "You need fucked up the ass with the common sense stick, Hannah. You really do. If you had any you'd realize that dating someone who has a known abuse history is a really bad idea. I don't want to point him out of a lineup after he hurts you. So can you not?" She spotted her son in the apartment. "Gotta go. The kid kidnaped someone. Again." She hung up on her laugh. "Son, why do we have a hostage in here?"

Rollins grinned. "I brought intel for the idiots. He knew I'd make a great hostage."

"I should lock you in a closet and call Hill."

"Probably. Wish you wouldn't." He looked her over. "You look cute today."

She smirked. "Thanks. Adrian, go find your uncle and tell him about your hostage."

"Yes, Mommy!" He ran off to do that. He had missed his uncle. After his day of grounding they had went on a mission for a super long time. He missed his weird, fun uncle.

Darcy sat down with a sigh, staring at him. "Did I answer the last email?"

"You did and it was cute." He looked her over again. "Can you take off the scarf?"

She stared at him. "After I found out you bugged my bedroom so you could listen to me snore or masturbate?" He just smirked. "Who else got into the feed?"

"Just Rumlow but he's another that wanted to woo you, princess."

"Uh-huh." She checked her watch. "FRIDAY, did my son forget?"

"They're cuddling. Well, he's cuddling Bruce and babbling at him at the moment but Agent Barton is listening."

"I should still shove you in a closet." She gave him a pointed look. "You broke into my apartment?"

"No. That guard guy caught me for the kiddo and brought me up."

"I need to have a talk with him."

"He's got a huge shrine to you in his place."

"Great." She got up to get something to drink, coming back. She let him have a drink. "I'm at least humane." He looked down her top again. "Quit that. The last time I had a one-night stand it was with his daddy."

"Been too long then. Could make you feel better."

"Yeah, but you're tied up for my son." She smirked back. "I'm not into bondage and it's wrong of me to take advantage of someone who's a hostage."

"I can pick these locks easily. I'm not helpless."

"Yet."

"I can get free of SHIELD. They're waiting to get me free."

"Hmm." She did take off her cardigan sweater and put it on the couch. He hummed at that. "That's all I'm taking off before the first date, Rollins."

"Call me Jack, love."

"Jack then." She looked up. "Tell my son to leave Brucie alone. He's probably knocked him out."

"He's telling daycare jokes to Agent Romanoff," the AI said. Darcy moaned. Jack reacted to that and had to shift how he was sitting. She shook her head with a grin. "Your ...hostage did ask your son to take extra time."

"Uh-huh." She stared at him. She got up to let him have more water then started on dinner. It was her son's favorite so he'd quit bothering people.

"Lewis," Stark said over the AI. "Your son's bouncy."

"I told him to go tell Clint one message. His hostage told him to give him some extra flirting time," she shot back. "Nudge him back on track and tell him I'm making spaghetti as mac n'cheese like he likes."

Upstairs, Stark looked at the bouncy kid. "Your mom said you were supposed to be giving your uncle a message and she's making mac n'cheese with spaghetti how you like."

His eyes went wide. "Mommy loves me." He bounded over to Clint, staring at him. "My hostage came back!" He beamed and nodded a bit. "He said he has 'tel."

"He has intel?" Clint asked. The boy beamed and nodded, hauling on his hand until he got up to follow him. "Which hostage, Adrian?"

"Mine!" He beamed. "Guard daddy guy gave him to me."

"Guard daddy guy?" he asked, looking back at Stark.

"He say to call him daddy." Adrian shrugged. "Not his name?"

"It may be. Not sure. I'll have to talk to him."

"I did but I can do it again," Bucky said from his seat. "Tell Rollins to scram before I get up?"

"Yeah, I can do that." That figured. It so figured. Adrian led him back to the apartment, letting him follow him inside. "Hey, Darcy." He stared at Rollins, who nodded at the envelope. "Really?"

"Not my doing. The guard that wants her hotly tied me up. She's threatened to put me in the closet."

Clint stared at him. "I'll talk with the guy who said Adrian was to call him daddy. Just you?"

"Just me. They'll rescue me from SHIELD later."

"Rumlow?"

"Probably listening in." He smirked. "He thinks she's aces too."

"She is."

Darcy cleared her throat. "Not sure I could be poly that way," she said dryly. "I'm more into one-on-one." Rollins looked pleased. "And you still are under arrest if SHIELD finds you outside the tower. That'll probably end up hurting Adrian. They do like to shoot and then figure out they made a mistake."

"Hey!" Clint complained.

She looked at him. "One nearly shot me for walking into the lab the other day because he was trying to break in, then realized who I was and started to lie about why he was there. I'm hoping Hill got him out of the trash chute."

"Yeah, she was grossed out. He fell onto caf trash." He opened the envelope while Darcy finished off dinner and got the kid sitting at the table to eat. Adrian hummed while he ate and was a happy boy. Clint looked up. "We sure?"

"Yeah. Very sure. He's injured too. Rumlow ran into him first."

"Great. Thank you for that. Darcy, can he go free?"

"Is that really up to me?"

"Well...." He considered it. "Thrill him with a good night kiss and I'll make Hill's night with him."

She leaned down, staring at Rollins. "Jack, quit listening to me sleep or whatever I do in my bedroom please." She gave him a pointed look. "That's cheating and it makes it harder to wait. After all, it's not even been a first date." She gave him a kiss but he deepened it. She moaned into it but pulled back. "Naughty you."

"Well, I am a bad man, darl." He got up and Clint walked him off, letting him grin back at her. In the elevator he sighed. "I want that."

"Yeah, you and a guard who apparently told the kid to call him daddy. Adrian thought that was his first name."

Jack smirked at him. "I'll have a talk with him later." He got free but a gas came down and knocked him out. Clint was dizzy so he leaned out of the elevator when it stopped, staring at the waiting agents. He grinned, handing over the envelope. Jack moaned so Clint got out of the way, taking the stairs back up to the avengers area.

Hill grinned. "I love presents. Even if I do have to pay a paperwork tax for the gift." Her agents hauled him up and down to her office jail cell. She sent a picture to Coulson's phone, getting a question mark back. She sent back what had happened. It took ten minutes to get to the tower from the nearest SHIELD base. He wasn't up there today, or Melinda. Daisy was close enough and she showed up. She grinned at her. "He's stalking Lewis."

"Best bit of listening ever," Jack said from his seat. He was barely awake. "We'll talk to that guard later."

Hill looked at him then at Daisy. "I'll talk to that guard later. Watch him, they'll try to get him back. He's already promised a rescue attempt. I'd rather have it at the base than here."

"It's safer. Fewer civilians who might get hurt." She looked at him. "He's tall."

"He's got a filthy mind," Hill warned.

"She's not stacked like Darcy is."

"No, I'm not and I'm okay with that. I'm very body positive," Daisy quipped. She hauled him up and used her power to make him ache a bit. "Don't give me shit or I'll hurt you. Then she won't have to worry about who's listening to her at night. She can probably even buy porn in celebration." She hauled him out with the help of Hill's agent team. He got checked into the SHIELD jail and she warned the guards. They were still knocked out during the rescue attempt but she got Rumlow down and nearly out. Rollins had to save his butt so they could all leave together.

Rumlow looked her over then smirked. "I like them mouthy and tough."

"Yeah, but I like manners and clean boys." She got him again and the team got free, barely, before leaving. She sighed, calling that in before checking on the rest of the guards. Most of the were fine.

***

Coulson woke Darcy up the next morning, walking in when she opened the door and grunted at him. "Why was he here?"

"To give over something," she grunted, going for coffee.

"I see. The information?"

"Ask Clint."

"I can do that in a minute." He stared at her. "He's flirting with you."

"He's got my bedroom bugged," she complained. "Which is super creepy but better than your people doing it." She stared at him as she sipped. "At least he didn't want to kidnap me to do more than sex me up."

"I'd never kidnap you, Lewis. I'd like you to work for SHIELD of your own free will."

"Fuck no thank you anyway." She took another drink. "He got a kiss. He wanted to stare at my tits. He listened to me getting happy the other day."

Coulson cleared his throat. "I see. Are you reciprocating?"

"I never do more than chat for days before the first date. I don't screw on the first date most of the time. He knows that. I made that clear."

"Good. It's safer. He's not exactly a nice man."

She snorted. "Are any of your people nice?"

"Well, no," he admitted. "Many men you work around or near aren't really considered nice. Polite but not nice."

"He was very polite. He wasn't overtly flirting even when I sent Adrian to get Clint."

"Hmm. That's nice of him."

"He did say Rumlow heard when I asked how many had listened to his feed."

"He's even more dangerous, Darcy."

"I know. I read their dossiers thanks to Hill."

"Good." He stared at her. "You really do need to date someone nice."

"I'd like that too. My last date tortured for the CIA apparently." She poured herself another cup of coffee. "Son, get up and go potty," she called. He grumbled but did go to the bathroom to pee and brush his teeth. "Remember to wash your hands after you potty and before you brush your teeth. Otherwise it's nasty."

"Yes, Mommy."

"Thank you." She stared at Coulson, who grinned. "It is."

"It is," he agreed. "I've had to remind a few adult agents of that fact." He stared at her. "Are you actually interested in him?"

She shrugged. "We've only emailed a few times. He does kiss really nicely." She sipped again.

Coulson sighed but nodded. "If so, I'll put a warning in his file to be careful of you and the kid if we have to take him down." She smirked. "I know some agents won't be."

"And they'd die. Horribly. I will become the great evil the Avengers will never be able to stop."

"Good. Mothers should be that way." He left, going to talk to Maria. "They kissed?" She pulled up the video for him. "He is very flirty. I don't remember him being that way. That was more Rumlow's thing."

"Apparently he liked being taken hostage by the kid."

"Great. The bug in her bedroom?"

"Can't find it. I've had a few people search. Stark forgot."

"If you find it, let me know. And her of course. Is she enjoying the attention?"

"She does deserve a few good dates, Phil."

"I agree, she does. I don't consider him good enough."

"He took a long time to pick out the perfect sidearm to give to the kid for his last birthday. Very light, good quality." Coulson stared at her oddly. "Seriously." She pulled up the picture part of that file to show him. "Adrian calls him his hostage."

"I like the kid. If I had ever had a kid I'd want one like that one. Maybe less pirate and more superhero though. Or maybe sports."

"Wilson feels the same way." She stared at him. "If he's really determined I don't think we can honestly stop him without killing him. Which would hurt the kid because it's probably going to be near him. They're ghostly when he's not here stalking her."

"I'll see if we can work on that." He handed the tablet back. "Did she keep it?"

"Yeah, and it's registered."

"Good. She could probably use it." He frowned. "When is her next speech?"

"Russian conference." He winced. "We're getting her and Foster guards since they're both going. The kid will stay with her mom."

"I'll put guards around her mom to make sure they don't kidnap the kid." He rubbed his thumb over his eyebrow. "Anything else I need to know before I go nap on my office couch?"

"Not yet. I'm going to have a talk with that guard."

"Have fun with that. I'm sure it'll be stress relieving." He left, going back to the office. He had to go over the post-incident report and yell at the few who weren't paying attention. Daisy was amused at the getting free and being flirted with. He'd show her Rumlow's file so she knew to just hit him next time.

***

Darcy heard a noise so looked up in time to see a certain guard coming off the elevator looking panicked. She got up and locked the door then sat back down. He tried to get in but she shook her head, not looking at him. He tried harder so she got up to hold the door closed while reading on her phone. Jane watched and sent a message to Clint, who sent back he wanted film of Hill chasing him down. Darcy was clearly not paying attention to him trying to get in until the guy ran off because Hill came off the elevator. Then Darcy pointed for her.

"Thank you," Hill called as she strolled after that asshole.

Darcy texted Happy, who came off the elevator a minute later and got her into the decontamination chamber the guy had locked himself in. Then he walked off shaking his head. Unfortunately Adrian came off the elevator so he had to hurry him into his mom's lab before he had to see anything too mean or get caught up in it.

Darcy grinned, accepting her son. "We didn't need him to see that." Happy relocked the door and headed back to his office to watch it on video. That way he could look away if Hill got too mean. Maria had been frustrated recently and needed some stress relief. He was a poor substitute but he'd probably do well enough for now.

Darcy grinned at her son, who grinned back. They got back to her ideas on how to do an energy alarm. It needed some refinement. A lot of refinement. It looked like an early Jane invention full of duct tape. Though her son did love duct tape. The guard guy ran back and tried to get in again but Jane scowled and found Darcy's tazer to pick up. He ran off again.

Darcy sighed, grinning at Jane, who grinned back. "That could've been nasty if he had taken a little pirate hostage."

"Well, hopefully Hill will have fun with him later." Hill came stomping past this time. "He took the stairs," Jane called. Hill waved and went down the elevator to stop him near the bottom. No, he got off on the civilian level. He apparently had a hidey-hole in there somewhere. Hill called her team. "He's playing hide and seek, people. Find his hidey-holes. Adrian Lewis is in the labs so only worry if he's got another kid." They nodded, going to do a room by room search while she checked the daycare. "None of the kids are missing, right? Or wandering? I've seen Adrian."

"Bethany went up to stare at Stark's robots." Hill called that in and Darcy went to get her so they could giggle in her lab together. The kids liked to giggle and play with his blocks up there. The daycare worker smiled, sending a note to Darcy. She got back a picture of the kids playing safely together. So that was good. She saw why Hill was worried when that guard tried to sneak out.

She was the sister of an agent, she knew about assholes. She went out to waylay him by talking to him about watching over Adrian while he wandered. He looked nervous and kept checking for someone to find them. When he spotted one he shoved her and ran off again. The daycare worker laughed at that but oh well. She told her brother, who was conveniently in the city anyway. And formerly SHIELD.

***

Hill walked out the door like the text message had said to. "Rumlow," she said. "It figures."

He grinned. "One of my guy's sisters warned him about a certain guard. You couldn't catch him, Hill?"

"Shut up, I was having a fun hunt."

"That is fun, yeah. Well, thankfully Jack's out of the city at the moment." He opened the trunk with his keychain remote.

Hill looked in the trunk then at him. "You had him for an hour and he's only that bruised?"

"I thought Lewis might want to taze or hit him a few times."

"Probably not. She's only aware he's crushing and may have a few pictures."

"Oh, no, that's coming to her lab in a bit. We stripped that on him last night." He smirked a bit, straightening up to move closer. He stared at the guard who was stalking Darcy and Adrian. "You really want to leave Lewis alone, right? Before Rollins gets back to have a talk with you too?" The guy could only moan and sob. "Good! We like cooperation." He grinned at Hill, hauling the guy out to hand over.

"Have some fun, Hill. It's clear you need more fun in your life. You're looking old." He got into the car but she had hit it with a tracker already and shot at him until he laughed. Then someone crashed into him. He had to get out and leave on foot but he was still amused. Until he ran into Loki, who was highly amused at those who wanted to become the stepfather for that special little child he was entailed to watch over.

Hill spotted the magic sparkles and groaned. "Damn it." She walked off, taking the guy from the guards holding him. "Loki stole Rumlow."

"He's supposed to watch over the kid," one of the guards reminded her. "So he's probably getting the 'be good to that child and his mother' speech from hell."

"One can only hope," she agreed. They took the guard back inside to talk to him some more. Rumlow had left him sensitive but not too damaged. She had no idea why he was crying, other than he was weak.

One of the guards had been paid by Rollins to report about anything interesting to do with Lewis or the kid so he kindly sent a message about Rumlow. It was an extra bit to his paycheck and kept them from stalking in the tower.

"I saw that," Hill warned.

"Telling them that Rumlow disappeared keeps the from sneaking in here again, boss."

She looked at him. "Perhaps." He blushed and went to the guard office to do some paperwork that needed to be done. So maybe more stress relief there later.

***

Jane accepted the copier paper box that had been shipped. "Is this office supplies? I thought we ordered that on Thursdays."

"You do." Happy stared at her. "Rollins and Rumlow's people got the pictures from that guard that wanted Darcy so hard. That's his shrine from what I'm told."

Jane winced. "She's going to have a fit."

"Could be. He had a good eye for his trash, stalking pictures." He walked off so Jane could tell her. Darcy would pout and quietly go throw a fit later probably but better to do it at Jane than him.

Jane set the box in Darcy's chair. She was at lunch with the kids in the daycare. She looked. The guy did take great pictures of Darcy when she was out getting things or at the local campuses. A lot of great shots of her walking and carrying coffee. Some with the kid and some without. She closed the box lid. She'd get some fun from watching Darcy go over that.

Darcy came back pulling up her hair. "I heard we got stuff?"

"The guard that's helped Adrian with his hostages had a shrine of pictures. He takes nice ones."

Darcy stared at her. "Excuse me?" Jane pointed. Darcy opened the box to stare at the pictures on top. "That is a nice picture. I can't take that good of ones even with a professional photog." She moved the box to a low table so she could sit down and go through it. "Huh. The stalker has a camera in my bathroom ceiling. And my bedroom." Jane winced. She put those two aside and got back to looking through them.

"Well. He likes me in green. A lot of me in green things." Jane got out of the way but kept watching her entertainment. "Oh, and a group of red. He must've color grouped. How nice for his shrine!" She dug down and found one. "That's a video still." She stared at what it was. "We need to have someone go search his house for that tape, Jane. He apparently took porn."

She reached back to get her phone, sending that to Happy. Who sent back he'd ask him where it was. "Probably in Rollins' bedroom," she muttered. Then she sighed. "Oh, hey, they have me talking with...is that a skrull? He's got a filter that can see through their illusions. Great! Hill will be amused. Or Jimmy maybe." She took a picture of that picture and sent it to him with the note that her stalker had a camera that could see through their illusions as she hadn't ever talked to a green person. Then she went back to it, just growling slightly.

Hill walked in. "What did you find?"

"Well, first. The sweeping teams for bugs apparently missed some," she said, holding up those two. "That's my bedroom and my bathroom." Hill winced. "And he took film." She held up that still. "Also, apparently he has a camera that can see through illusions." She held up that one. Jimmy strolled in so she handed that one to him. "You'd have to ask where he's hiding from my tazer, Jimmy."

Agent Woo grinned. "I'm hoping he's buried someone, Darcy. Since that looks like some stalker's shrine."

"It is," Hill agreed. She handed the three pictures back. "We're going to go do a thorough search of your place, Lewis."

"Don't touch my sex toys without gloves. Or eat my cookies."

"Fine." She looked at Jimmy then at Darcy. Then back at Jimmy. "Her other stalker, Jack Rollins, had someone strip his house of the shrine last night under Rumlow's watch but Rumlow got taken by Loki."

Darcy looked up at her. "Loki needed a playmate?" she guessed.

"We think he's warning him to treat you and the kid well since he's forced to watch over your son." She left.

Darcy looked at Jane, who shrugged. Then at Jimmy, who patted her on the arm. "I need to date nice guys. I never seem to date nice guys and I didn't even know this one was stalking me. I haven't said two words to him since I've been here that I remember."

Jimmy patted her on the arm again. "It'll be okay. Some day you'll find someone decent enough." He went to tell his higher ups that there was a camera filter somehow. They met SHIELD agents there to search for the camera while they got the rest of his bad materials. "People, we need his camera equipment. He's got a skrull filter," he announced as he walked in. That room got pointed at.

His darkroom had all his equipment so he got to confiscate that while the agents got someone to develop the last roll. They got to give Darcy a few more pictures of her apartment. It helped the bug sweep team find the cameras in there. The agents got sent back later when Daisy demanded they check all his videos, even the ones marked as major movies. Because he could've hidden them. It wasn't that hard; she had shown them how one of her ex-boyfriends who was barely computer literate had hidden his porn that way.

Them having to go back led to Hill having a lecture with them about how to properly search an area. She included her bug sweep team because they needed the lessons too. They had even found Rollins' bugs on the second search. Though they had eaten the cookies on the family.

***

Rollins got handed Rumlow by Loki, who was smirking. "Do be aware I am entailed to watch over that young little being." He disappeared.

Brock shook his head. "He's a king of mindfucks," he complained, sitting up. Yeah, he had some injuries but Loki had said he was just bored and mildly playing today. This time. They shared a look. "They got the guard earlier. Hill was using him as a fun hunt."

"Good for her. She could use one." He cut the leather ties holding his buddy's wrists. "You good enough?"

"Yeah, he said he was only mildly playing as a warning." He got up and stretched, wincing some. "He sprayed me with something so the burn scars are inflamed but I'm good enough."

"Great." He grinned. "They found the bugs finally."

"That blows." He looked around that motel room. "We working or just laying low?"

"Laying low today. We work tomorrow."

"Even better." He shook his head quickly as a flash hit him. "That'll have to stop."

"Yeah, before I let you in the field again." Brock glared at him. Jack stared back. So neither were looking outside when another HYDRA member decided to fight them now. They heard the alarms, heard the gunshots, and went to handle it. Thankfully they had more weapons now that Xander wasn't stealing them. That one got blown up and they switched to the planned backup. Jack and Brock shared a look. "HYDRA after tomorrow's deal?"

"Yeah, I like that." They went to find intelligence on the main HYDRA group so they'd know who had sent someone up their asses. It'd be a long week but possibly fun.

***

Darcy walked up the steps to Congress. She was dressed in a custom made business skirt suit, had her hair pulled back slightly, had on perfect makeup and shoes, all thanks to Natasha's help when she had asked for advice on what to wear to yell back today. She nodded at the guards. "I have a tazer on me and a permission card from the FBI and SHIELD," she noted quietly to the one in front of the body x-ray and metal detector. She opened her purse to show the card when he grimaced. "I have no idea how you want to do that."

"That does say you can carry it wherever," he admitted. "We'd prefer not to let it inside the building. Though thank you for using a low range weapon, miss."

"Dr. Darcy Lewis." She handed that over and her pepper spray. "Will there be guards nearby?"

"In the hallway. If we need to come get you, I'll have the box brought to you."

"Thank you." She closed her purse, put it on the x-ray machine, then stepped into the body scanner. They let her go, grab her bag, and head inside after checking in with the waiting assistants. She was shown to the right room and sat down, making sure to smooth the skirt underneath her. She looked coldly severe according to Jane but in an ice princess way. They summoned her up and she sat down, putting her purse on the table beside her so she wouldn't fidget. Natasha had coached her in sitting still and looking unimpressed. "You wanted to speak to me again, Senator?"

He sneered. "Young lady...."

"I have a name and I would appreciate you using that and my title, Senator. As I told you before, I'm older than your wife is. I'm not a young lady." He glared. She looked away from him, looking at the head of the panel.

"Let's get you sworn in, Dr. Lewis." She stood up to do that and sat down again. "Dr. Lewis, were you contacted by that senator that just insulted you?"

"Yes. On June 18th he requested a video call with myself and Dr. Banner at two-thirty. Dr. Banner was indisposed but I accepted his early call at two-twenty. He demanded to know about Dr. Jane Foster's bridge and aliens on this planet. Which isn't really my field but I did provide what answers I could."

"Why was he indisposed?"

"Someone had sedated him. He was being revived in the medical unit."

"Oh. All right. What did you two talk about?"

"The alien issues he has. How a planetary shield is presently beyond our science as far as I know and would probably interfere with sunlight while active and therefore screw up weather patterns." That got a nod and a note made. "I don't know of anyone currently working on one. I noted he may want to ask Dr. Stark, which he sneered about."

"Dr. Stark?" he asked.

"Yes, Tony Stark has three doctorates. We had a talk about proper titles as well at that time because of that part of the conversation." She let a small smirk out. "Because the disrespect shown to myself and Dr. Stark was getting a bit thick. That's also where I first noted I was older than his wife so calling me a young lady was erroneous."

The chair smirked a bit at her. "That's not nice of you."

"My bachelors was in political science, Senator Hughs. I interned in his mentor's office twice before he retired. I actually tazed him in this very building for trying to grope me in that office. I'm well aware of what I was saying as I do not use words that can be twisted if possible."

"Good to know. So not a straight scientist?"

"Humanities are a softer science than the harder sciences but we do still study things," she said dryly. "I had planned on working with a few different charities until I met Dr. Foster."

"Interesting." He stared at her. "I've seen things from your master's thesis about an alarm?"

"Yes. Though I'm not a liberty to say much more than was in my thesis at that time. It would detect any alien energy. So if Dr. Foster's bridge would work it'd detect that. If skrulls came back again it'd detect their weird energy auras. We all put off some energy as heat and energy auras to put it into simpler language. The alarm I did the beginning work for would detect it in space, not on earth, but it would be based on the same energy outflow differences."

He nodded once. "All right. If we could put up something like that would it lead to a shield?"

"No. A shield would have to be satellite based to be practical. A lot of geeks have theorized about one going up. Most of them have it being some sort of energy shield around part or the whole of the planet in case of non-terrestrial attack. At that level, energy would interrupt sunlight, which would affect the weather patterns as well. At our level of current science we're probably at least a good decade or three away from that level."

"Good to know. Are you a geek who thought about it?"

"No. But I looked it up after our discussion."

The lead of the panel nodded. "All right. That's good to know. Are there people who would be more interested in that field of study?"

"There's a Dr. Bradlin Marks out of Greenland's university who may be leaning that way. His masters at Cambridge tilted towards that area but in the theoretical to disprove it. No one's overtly noted they're working on it in any journal I could find. His work is on energy studies as well and he's one trying to get the bridge done before Dr. Foster. The others seem to be taking a different path to the same end point. A few of those may detect one like an x-ray machine would but not a planetary one."

"Huh. Would we put something like your alarm in our space?"

"No, to be effective we'd have to layer them further out so we had some warning. So satellites spread equidistant around the solar system probably. That way we'd catch it no matter which direction it comes from."

"Interesting. I can see the cardinal points."

"Senator, you're aware space is three dimensional, right?" He looked startled. "There's space above and below us and there's planets and solar systems that direction too. It's not just a flat plane like a piece of paper. So we'd need them in all directions."

"I hadn't considered that actually." He made that note. "Did Dr. Stark fly down with you?"

"No. I flew by myself in the nice jet that's owned by Delta. Nicely business class though."

"That's good of them." He looked at the others. "Do any of you have questions for her?"

"Dr. Lewis, what is your degree in?"

"Astro electrical physics. Basically universal energy. I study where it comes from, where it's going, how to harness it, how to avoid it, all that." She resisted the urge to shift or push her hair back over her shoulder.

"What was your masters in?"

"Bio physics. I was led that way by Dr. Foster's work when I was her intern." She smiled. "She's a bad influence at times."

"Why the switch?"

"It really isn't. I just went from singular body energy to extra large body energy. Though many in the hard sciences do have degrees that aren't a straight line."

"I thought you chose one, you got your masters in that then your doctorate."

"I saw both Drs. Hendricks outside. Like his in economics when his bachelors was in business management, sometimes it's a narrowing of your field. Sometimes it's something that ties in for you and makes it interesting. One of the ones I worked with had a history bachelors and a masters in linguistics. Her doctorate in computer engineering was leading her toward artificial intelligence and learning systems."

"Interesting." He blinked a few times. "You look nice today."

"Thank you, though I only put this on for this event. Unfortunately how you dress often impacts how smart you're seen as."

"Such as?"

"Dr. Foster, who wears a lot of plaid, is seen as smart but pretty. I'm often told I'm pretty but smart. Which is rather a put down when most men say that. Apparently they never heard of Hedy Lamar or any other fabulous woman who was also in science."

"The actress?"

"Yes. Her work led to wifi, better radars, and cellphones." She smiled. "Most people just see the acting skills though."

"So did I." He nodded. "Very interesting." He stared at her. "Are you continuing work on your alarm?"

"Yes."

"Is there anything you can tell us about that?"

"No. Because some of the work isn't fully in the public view yet. I have access to data that is classified and I cannot share that."

"Very good then." He nodded. "How far out are you think it'll need to be?"

"At least past Mars?" She shrugged. "That would need to be talked to by someone in NASA who has exact measurements and would be able to plot the best place to put them where they'd be out of the way of any future traveling but still able to be sensible in placement."

"So you don't plan on seeing one placed?"

"I might want to but I'd get space sick very easily. So I'll watch it on video."

"Ah. Makes sense then." He looked at the others. "I yield to the others."

The former senator sneered. "You think you're so smart, don't you?"

"No, I think I'm just smart enough, Senator." He glared. She stared back blandly. "I'm well aware of my limitations."

"And yet you had a child out of wedlock."

"Yes, I did. And he's a great joy in my life." She smiled. "And that was my choice at that time even though he came to be through three forms of birth control." The senator glared. She stared back. "Apparently the universe really wanted him born." She shrugged again then smiled. "He's a great joy in my life and loves me reading my homework to him. I'm hoping he does something perfectly normal like being an accountant."

"You don't want him to follow you?"

"No. It's not often a child follows their parents' careers happily. I want my son to have a happy future life. A safe, happy future life."

"Your son's been seen with an avengers member."

"Yes. Clint Barton has babysat a few times for me. He really adores Clint because Clint teaches him weird things. My son presently wants to be a pirate and Clint taught him a lot about them and ships." She grinned. "He's a really nice guy to play with Adrian when he's bored and the kid's trying to find something to get into. They met because my son tried to steal his bow. He does love weapons sometimes."

"Does he play with Thor's special hammer?"

"Yes. He's known her since about an hour after he learned to walk. Since then she's been the 'house' his toys lived in mostly. His toy cars, his stuffed friends, his blocks build around it. He's also charmed one of Dr. Stark's robots into playing with him recently. It helped him take someone hostage for ransom. He demanded decaf coffee and pop tarts." The senator was spluttering. "I don't see what my son being cute that way has anything to do with my scientific credentials or work. Women can be smart and do great works and still have a family if they so choose."

"You're a mouthy bitch, Lewis."

"Aww, I haven't heard that in years," she sneered back. Then calmed herself down. "And while your opinion may matter to your staff and a few others, it does not matter to me, Senator. Is there anything else you wanted to chat about since you're wasting taxpayer money with this line of sneering?" The head of the panel scowled. She stared back. "He is. I'm assuming he has other things he has to do as he's charged with the important duty of helping steer this country's path into the future."

"She's right, he's just blowing hard," another one complained. "As usual." He looked at Darcy. "Dr. Lewis, how long before you think you can work up a prototype for your alarm?"

"Eighteen months for probable schematics that'll have to be gone over by an engineer. I come up with the idea, I don't make the machines."

"Like an architect versus a builder?" he asked.

"Yes, that's a good analogy." She smiled at him. "I can do the math, the beginning of how to work it out, the sensor itself. The satellite and the actual schematics of the sensor would need an engineer to fully bring it to life."

"Good. That's good to know. It would discover Dr. Foster's bridge?"

"Yes."

"Would it tell any Asgardians down here?"

"No. That would need a planetary or personal sensor. Though there's been travel from Asgard back since the first bridge was created. There were probably some that saw humanity painting in caves."

"What about Loki?"

"As he was under control when he invaded New York, it would've probably caught the portal that brought him, if a sensor had been pointing at the earth. It would've sensed the portals he called with his device."

"What about now?"

"There's more than one way off Asgard, senator. There's back ways, pathways, ways from before the bridge was created. There's banished warriors living among us and they live an awfully long time so they've been here for a while probably. There's nine realms Asgard's related to, including them, and we have people down here from at least one other most likely."

"So we'd need something like the body scanners?"

"For personal revealing, yes. Though if they've been down here for a while it'll probably fail as their bodies have absorbed and changed to fit the current planet's energy matrix. Like a tree from one place will absorb from the new area it's planted in and after a while you can tell it comes from that new area."

"Good to know. So it'd tell new ones faster." She nodded. "What about biological differences?"

"I'm not a physician but as far as I know, the standard Asgardian doesn't have many body, physical, differences. Though most of the ones I've met have been taller they're not outside NBA or NFL standards."

"So anything to tell them would probably get most athletes."

"Yes, probably."

"Great. What if the other ones want to cause problems?"

She smiled a bit. "Senator, I have it on good authority from Thor himself that most Asgardians think we're like kids playing dress up. Though some do see us as very interesting bugs. They get banished here, they come for entertainment that they don't get up there. Thor has said a few times they'd love HBO and Showtime up there as they don't have personal entertainments like tv."

"So we're not looking at someone trying what Loki did?"

"The one who sent Loki, no clue. You'd have to ask SWORD or SHIELD about that. Him, probably not. I think he's back to being amused at our child-like activities. The rest? Why would they want to?"

"Stronger groups always want to claim new territory."

"Not true. Native Americans didn't and they had strong warrior cultures among the tribes. They didn't have the same weapons or the push from the religious assholes at the time." He slumped, staring at her. "Most stronger cultures are just fine until they're poked. You don't expect MMA fighters to randomly go out and assault people do you?"

"Well, no."

"Or any other group of warrior-like people?"

"No," he admitted. "Fine. So they're not looking to conquer?"

"According to their histories they already did. It was just waaaaay back when." She flicked a hand in the air. "That's supposedly why Asgard protects the nine realms. Odin conquered there."

"Oh. Would they show us those histories?"

"You could ask Thor if a historian could come down. I can't speak for him or Asgard itself. Or any historians who might not want to learn what they know. Sharing information isn't always a good idea to everyone." She waved a hand at that one annoying senator. The one questioning smiled a bit when that senator huffed. "Personally I'd worry more about people that come from farther away and come on ships instead of bridges. As we've shown ourselves to be space capable at the beginning levels, they're probably curious. Some may be assholes. Some may not be. We'll have to meet them to find out."

"Do you think there's peaceful ones?"

"Ask Dr. Stark, sir. He's met with a few."

"Point. We'll ask him when he gets here." He stared at her for a minute. "There's been huffy intelligence people about your son."

"Yes, I've heard one of them, who used to run a group, is still mad that he can't remove me from Dr. Foster's side. He tried when I was her intern so he could put people in my place that we'd never trust anyway. He's still trying the last I heard. He told someone that my son was his when he's not. Claimed a miraculous breeding program."

The senator winced. "Probably the same source then." She smiled and nodded. "Why would he be that invested?"

"Because that group in question is full of paranoid people who want to control others. They've proven to myself and Dr. Foster that we couldn't trust them. They blatantly stole from us and when they had Dr. Foster's work in custody they sold some of it to a group that then used it to attack us and others." He winced. "As Dr. Foster calls them, the jack booted thugs brought it on themselves in that case.

"We'll never trust them. Especially since when we need them they seem to never be available. As they weren't in London. We called a number of times and no one showed up until hours after the battle. SHIELD really is behind a lot of the time. I can only lay that at the same feet as he was in a high level of management at that time."

"So he's trying to discredit you?"

"No, he's trying to get someone to take me." She pulled something out of her purse to hand to the guard. "Proof from a site that tracks black market contracts. Look at who set a few of them, Senator."

He looked and winced. "Oh, dear."

"That same source tried to get a world leader interested in my life as well. Even though we had never met and probably will never meet."

"Shit, Dr. Lewis."

"Yes. Basically." She accepted it back and tucked it back into her purse. "As a mentor once told me, fabulous people often have things that try to bring them down."

"Too true." He stared at her. "One last question. I know your field has conferences to share information at. Where are you and Dr. Foster next speaking?"

"The one in Russia as far as I'm aware."

"Why not the US?" that annoying senator demanded, standing up and pounding on the desk.

"Because the US isn't sponsoring one for at least another year, Senator. Not like anybody in any field that has to use conferences to get our work out there to be eligible for grants and other funding methods will just throw our own. I could probably work my way up to throwing a comic convention but not a scientific one. It'd need some different materials.

"That's why colleges usually throw them and most of them coming up aren't really geared towards physics. Engineers have a few in the next two years. There's one for biologists. Physicists don't go to theirs to announce things and they don't come to ours. If you want physicists to work in the US and come up with great ideas in the US and announce them in the US, then start throwing us conventions." He scowled again.

"I don't pick where conventions are. I'm not the Goddess of the Universe at this point in time." The lead of the panel laughed out loud at that. "I can't rule out that I won't be some day, and at that time the US can be prompted to throw a few more conventions. Until then we just go where they're being held. Like family reunions in many cases we just show up to eat, party, talk, hear gossip, and find out who in the family is screwing the neighbor's wife or goat." He spluttered. "If you want a scientific conference, throw one for us. We'll show up, party, talk about our work, share ideas, warp others' ideas, and then go back home to work some more."

The lead of the panel cleared his throat. "Good point. When is the next one in the US?"

"In my field? I *think* there's one next year in San Diego. Not totally sure but I've heard rumors. My journal last night didn't have any new listings."

"Great." He nodded, making that note. "Do any of your colleges you attended throw them?"

"No. One does participate in the newly doctored symposium. Where the ones who just graduated can show off for placement positions. I got two interns from there."

"Wonderful." He made that note as well. "Thank you, Dr. Lewis."

"Thank you, Senators." She nodded and stood up, grabbing her purse. "Have a good afternoon. It's a pretty day outside." She left, getting her things back from the guard. She ran into Stark on the stairs. "Tie's crooked."

He looked and adjusted it. "That blowhard?"

"Still blowing hard. Have fun."

"Great." He went in there to get his place so he could fill in the gaps she left and annoy all the senators by not playing their games.

The chair of the panel called him up and got him sworn in. "Mr., um, Dr. Stark. Which do you prefer?"

"Doctor. I did work hard for my degrees. It's nice to have them finally acknowledged." He got comfortable.

"Fine. Dr. Stark, Dr. Lewis left some gaps that were not her field. Let's start with her alarm. Have you looked over her idea?"

"Somewhat. She and the others who work in my labs all do regular update reports."

"Excellent. Tell us how it'll work? She tried but some of us don't know a thing about science that isn't below the PBS level."

"Of course, Senator."

***

Darcy made it back that night, sighing in relief as she walked in. "So many idiots on the plane," she moaned. "Including Dr. Pierson. Who sneered about women in science again. I told him he's just jealous he can't be as pretty as we are while we're doing better things than he ever will." Jane burst out giggling. "Yeah." She sat down to kick off her shoes. "Did you tape it? Did I look too geeky or stiff?"

"Bit stiff in a body way but otherwise, very amusing." Jane pointed at the tape on the coffee table. "You eat?"

"Barely. I got tea before I left DC. I'll nuke something in a few."

"Of course." Jane nudged her. "You did good."

"Thanks." They shared a smile.

"And you credited me, and made me sound boring."

"You are."

"I am," Jane agreed with a smirk and a nod. They shared a laugh before Darcy went to get dressed for the night and fix herself something to eat.

"Fox news tried to cover it but they got mad you're pretty."

"I won't comment on why that probably is. I don't really care what they think anyway until I get hate mail from their people." She came out with a sandwich. "Did we alert security to watch for death threats?"

"Yeah. Happy was amused. He watched it anyway. They want to talk about the Russian conference too."

"We probably will want security," Darcy sighed, settling in to eat and watch tv with Jane. Adrian snuck out to cuddle but that was life with a kid.

***

Jack grinned at the replay of the interview. "She's damn mouthy but hot that way. Looks like Romanoff got her dressed up too."

Brock nodded. "It does. She does look stunning. Very ice academic."

"Yeah but that means no one hit on her."

"Which she probably enjoyed," Brock agreed.

"She needs more pretty time." He shifted to cross his feet. Fox News was going on like an idiot about women in science pretending to know what they're doing. Their 'expert' didn't even have a doctorate, he was just mad that women had shown him up. CNN wasn't any better with their 'expert' though. CNN's female host did note that the 'pretty but smart being a bad thing' was true for most women. Her cohost looked so confused so she explained men to him. It made him shut up and go to a different part of the talk to dissect.

***

In upper New Jersey:

"What do you mean you reopened that portal I created by accident?" a male screamed. "Why are you retuning it to somewhere else?"

Tommy and other Hong Kong Cavaliers just looked towards the lab then Tommy took charge. "Sounds like we're about to have another guest. Someone get the armor piercing bullets in case and the rest of you go to emergency evacuation standpoints. Just in case." They nodded, going to do that. Someone did hand him a few bullets on their way past. Their local zoo had been horrified by the dino Buckaroo had summoned by accident. They hadn't wanted it to exist so they had nicely brought it down for them. And for the museum that would get the remains.

Now, someone was yelling at Buckaroo for something foolhardy yet scientific. It was like the old days, only with them all being less pure. And a bit less sane since what came out of the lab was a roar of what sounded like a tiger. "Great. Big kitties," Tommy muttered, heading that way to take it down if needed. He ended up running from it because his cologne was apparently like catnip to ancestral lions. Who had huge teeth.

They really had to ban the lab again! They really, really did!

***

In New York, Dr. Malcolm, who had hacked into the compound's security feed grinned as he sat back to watch what was going on with some popcorn. This was the best show on any tv channel by far. And they had brought it on themselves. He knew screwing with that formula they stole from his student would help them a lot. "Teaches him to treat science more respectfully finally," he decided, watching the other HKC shoot the ancient lion to spare their second-in-command.

The geek had hit Buckaroo with a shovel upside his head so he was out for now. "Awww, he didn't throw him through! Boo!" He threw a piece of popcorn at the monitor but went back to eating while watching the clean up. He'd have a lot of fun when they realized that formula they had boosted would randomly open a portal every ten hours until they dismantled the machines.

That's how he had stopped his students from doing it. Before they created a horrible world merge or something. If they did, he was going to trap them in a circle of those machines and let Fate decide their outcome - the ultimate random number generator. He really should do that to Darcy and Jane's portal systems but they were too protective and weren't prone to using them to bring more chaos for him to study so they were probably safe for now. He hoped. As long as Asgard didn't get brought down here.

He shuddered as that thought ran up his spine. "Oh, that may not be a good thing. Huh." He ate more popcorn, watching Tommy fuss at his hair to calm himself down. "Aww, they didn't even graze him when they got the lion. Or are they called lions? What do you call ancient lions?" he asked his phone's assistant but it couldn't find an answer. "Pity. I could've emailed them a name to help them when one calls to complain."

Yup, there was the phone and one of the younger HKC were calling. He grinned as he answered. "Dr. Ian Malcolm." He listened. "Really? Huh. Yeah, they probably shouldn't have taken it from a student either, Bradley." He listened with a smirk. "That's not how science is supposed to go you know."

He listened, still eating popcorn. "No, I'm highly amused that someone did it a second time. I know science has to be repeatable but really. Maybe they should lock down the lab or something, turn off all the machines, and then go find themselves in the nightly meditations." He ate another piece of popcorn. "No, I'm having dinner." He ate another piece.

"Yeah, that's what I'd suggest. Including Buckaroo. He clearly needs some mind clearing time since he borrowed that formula from a master's candidate. Well, with the Sorcerer Supreme doing all his stuff, portals will open very easily for the next few years we theorize. Then it'll slowly fade out as long as they don't have another battle that way."

He listened, grinning at the screen. "I'm sure it'll be fine as long as it didn't eat anyone. Call the same zoo as last time and make everyone go meditate for the night. Yes, even the one I can hear complaining about his headache. He could probably really use it. You too, have a better night, Bradley." He hung up and got back to his amusement.

He had given them fair warning. If they didn't take the advice...well, he'd get to be amused again he supposed.

It really didn't pay to rob students of their ideas. It's all they had. Well, that and debt usually.

***

Jane got a call a few days later. "Sure, I'll hold for the Banzai Institute." She looked at Darcy, who shrugged. "Hi, this is Dr. Jane Foster. You needed something?" She listened. "Wow. Wasn't that from that undergrad at Columbia?" She looked at Darcy. "Ancient portals?"

"Yeah, that kid at Columbia who was complaining that his stuff got copied by someone and put online. And he was a master's candidate, Jane." She leaned back to listen.

"Okay, so where did the portal go to?" She listened. "Huh. Not that island but to the time period. Ancient lion species? No, I don't usually deal in temporal ones. Or Darcy either really." She looked at Darcy, who shook her head and waved a hand. "Have you tried to take the temporal aspects out of the formula? Or simply turned off the machines? I've had to do that more than once to stop something that was miscalibrated." She listened, tipping her head. "Huh. No, I haven't worked with that formula. It's not my bridge and I'm rather focused on that. Yes, you can destabilize any portal by shutting off the power supply and that's probably the safest and kindest thing. Yes, I'd definitely pull the plug and not turn it back on until someone goes over the formula in great detail and maybe reworks it. Why are there portals so easy right now, Darcy?"

"The Sorcerer Supreme and his cloak of petting had a battle with another sorcerer. It bent the ethereal plane or something and that's kinda got us bound together somehow from what I got when I asked that coven member from Maine."

"Darcy said something mystical about some sorcerers having a battle that merged multiple fields of energy streams together. She asked a coven up in Maine. Yes, I'd go over the formula and keep the machine unplugged. Or pull the power supply if it's self powered." She heard one start behind him and a roar. "Oh, that sounds big. You might want to get out of the way. Hun warrior? Um, yeah, I wouldn't want to make them angry. You might want to pop the machine off now.

"Before they show up and get trapped? It'd be really hard to get them acclimated to modern life." That guy yelled that and they did that before the army unit surged over. "Okay, let me know if I can help with the math. I know it's not everyone's forte, even in physics. Have a good day." She hung up looking so confused. "They kept the temporal portal machine on in the lab. Why?"

"They're men," Darcy said dryly.

"Oh, that reason. Yeah, you'd figure there was common sense there somehow though."

"It's a big group of men who don't think with their guns but still a big group of men, Jane."

"Yeah, that makes more sense." She sent Tony an email so he was aware it might need to be handled as Iron Man.

Tony Stark came in a minute later. "They did *what*?" he demanded.

"They did stupid shit because it's a group of men," Darcy quipped, grinning at him. Tony glared. "Remember that kid from Columbia who had his stuff stolen and put online?" Tony nodded slowly. "Sounds like it's from his work. Temporal portals, Jane?"

"Yeah. They were about to have a Hun warrior group show up in their lab."

"Eww, bronze and early iron age weapons," Darcy said with a wince and a hiss. "Nasty wounds that'll probably infect because I doubt they burned them clean." Tony moaned. "If it helps, we heard they had a dino show up. An herbivore, one of the huge ones. Their local zoo put it down and gave it to a museum."

He looked at her. "Don't help." She grinned. He looked at Jane. "Thanks for the warning, Foster. I'll tell Spangly upstairs."

"I'm sure Steve would *love* to play with a dino," Darcy quipped. "The shield wouldn't help much but might draw it to find out what's shiny." Tony walked off shaking his head. "Well, they shouldn't steal science I guess."

"Probably not," Jane agreed with a nod. They burst out laughing. They'd never be that stubborn or steal science. It served them right for that.

***

Upstairs Tony put up a copy of the call when he ran into Steve and Bucky. They stared back. "Yeah, this is a warning that we may have temporal portals in New Jersey." He turned off the feed when it started to repeat. "Lewis thinks the shield might draw something to the shininess."

"Could," Bucky agreed. "Some animals are drawn to shiny things." He looked at Steve then at Stark. "Wasn't that the plot of a movie?"

"No, that was scientists are assholes and made their own island. And it wasn't just a movie." He walked off. "Lewis' mentor is actually Dr. Malcolm. I'm told he was amused at the movie and who they got to play him."

"Great!" the old guys said in unison. They shared a look.

"If we get dinosaurs, I'm going to run," Bucky told him. "You're welcome to join me."

"I got your back there, buddy," he said with a pat. "We should warn the others." He went to tell the other Avengers. Thor was laughing about it, told by Jane and Darcy. Wanda was moaning and holding her head. Clint and Natasha noted they couldn't be of much help but they'd fire weapons at least. Sam was staring in mouth-opened horror.

"Someone should go find out why this is happening," Wanda said finally, letting her face go to look at the men and Natasha.

"Something about the battle the Sorcerer Supreme had," Clint said. "Darce asked a witch she met with about how to help Adrian grow up a good boy."

"Great!" she muttered. "Can we counteract that?"

"No clue," Natasha admitted. "None of us do that sort of magic, Wanda."

"We should ask," she noted.

"It'd be the common sense thing to do," Steve agreed with a nod. "I'll call later if Tony hasn't. Not sure if he's heading for a beer yet or not."

Clint stared at him. "Half the times you think he's drunk he's just exhausted because he didn't sleep for over a day. The guy does that a lot. That's why Pepper used to nag him about it the same way Darcy used to nag Jane about doing that."

"Tis true," Thor agreed happily. "Jane was bad about that. Still is really."

Sam looked at him. "That can't be healthy."

"Science at that level is part obsession," Natasha said patiently. "It's why so many scientists at the top level are considered neuro-divergent. They drop into that rabbit hole of 'I have to know this' and it takes over their whole being until they figure it out."

Steve nodded. "Howard would do that now and then when he was inventing back during the war."

"For all that he hates it, he did inherit things from his father," Clint said with a shrug. "He needs another helper like Pepper but can't find one he'll click with."

"I had hopes Lewis would take him in hand like she did Foster," Banner said as he walked in. "But her own studies got in the way of all that and Jane's slowly sliding back even though her current interns are trying to stop it." He looked at Steve, then at Sam. "The portal problem is supposed to last for about two years total. It basically heat sealed an extra layer of ethereal level energy to our plane of energy so a lot of magical stuff is happening easier." Wanda winced at that.

"But it will slowly fade off." He looked at Steve. "The portal in New Jersey, all they have to do is turn it off. Jane suggested that when I asked her." He looked at Bucky. "Armor piercing bullets may help. Dinos have very tiny brains but like bringing down any rampaging animal...." He shrugged. "The zoo near them wrote up that case file for their journals. It showed up this month. They tried to sedate it first and it wasn't enough even at elephant strength. We still have to worry about changing history."

They all groaned. "Especially since that call said humans from a more ancient society were showing up last time." He looked around. "So knock out if you can, especially any humans." They all nodded. "And if they don't turn off the machine and we have to answer, Hulk will gladly step on it a few times." He walked off again. "And yes, a lot of us are neuro-divergent in many weird ways. We do it to ourselves sometimes though." He waved a hand as he walked out the door.

Clint blinked a few times. "I think he's amused."

"He was," Natasha agreed with a nod. "We would be if it were our coworkers."

"True. If SHIELD's people had opened that portal, you and I would be sitting there with snack cakes to watch them deal with it." They shared a look then grinned. "Fitz-Simmons?" he suggested.

She smirked, wrinkling her nose. "Yes, I do believe that is SHIELD's job. If not SWORD's, but I do like them better most of the time." She walked off calling one of the current SHIELD agents. "Get your alpha geek team a copy of the phone call Dr. Foster just got from New Jersey," she said in greeting. "Stark has copies. Make sure Fitz-Simmons and the lab people hear it." She hung up. Clint snickered, walking off to get back to his weight lifting time. Natasha went to stretch and cool down. Steve and Bucky shared a look but pulled Wanda up to help her work on her self defense work.

***

In the SHIELD base, the agent looked at her phone. Then she called Stark. "It's Agent May, Mr. Stark. We were warned we may want to hear the call Dr. Foster got from New Jersey?" She listened to him replay it. "Please send me an audio file so I can alert our lab and response teams? Thank you, Mr. Stark." She hung up and closed her office door to have a quiet fit in private. The agents up the hall all stared at the lack of noise but Coulson wasn't coming so it may just be safe.

Melinda stepped out of her office. "Everyone is to do a history refresher on types of historical armor." She went to the labs with her phone, putting it on the table once she had pulled up that audio file.

The lab team, minus Fitz-Simmons because they were sleeping, all stared at her. "Foster, if that's her, had a good idea. Turn off the machine," one told her.

"If they bring humans from the past that could change history," May shot back. "We need to send them back and then destroy the machine. Before we end up with a timeline that gives us a third term of Regan."

The geeks all shared a look and nodded, getting onto that. They got Daisy up to hack their systems for them. Daisy came in looking confused so Melinda let her hear the call.

"Oh. No wonder we need to do a history refresher on ancient armor styles." She nodded. "And if I heard right, they're all guys there. So they have no sense and won't turn off the machine?" Melinda grimaced but nodded. "Great! Have we told Simmons yet? Fitz will go into a fit about a temporal portal machine. She'll want to calm him down."

"They're not here," Melinda said.

"It's their nap time," another geek said. "Where would they even get that idea?"

"A few years back there was a geek at one of the universities in New York City that was working on it but SHIELD stole his work and put it online to sell it," Daisy said dryly, grinning at them. "It's one of the reasons Rising Tide went after SHIELD."

Melinda moaned, shaking her head. "Funny how things connect." Daisy nodded, grinning at her. "Tell the other two please. Do the history review, Daisy. In case you end up running into one wandering around." She went back to her office to have a headache. Phil nicely had left her tylenol and a bottle of water on her desk. With a note saying anything prehistoric they could probably kill if they had to. "Great." She used both gifts and then closed herself in to take a nap. It was clearly a bad day and she needed to be rested for the upcoming battles they'd have against a T-Rex or something.

***

Jane got to prove she could be diplomatic by being sent to talk to that sorcerer. She got let into the house when she knocked and told them who she was. She looked at the sorcerer in front of her. No beard, no hair, no cape, not the one she probably needed. "I need to talk to the Sorcerer Supreme if he has some way of unscrewing the portal problem his battle caused."

"What portal problem, Dr. Foster?" he asked.

"His last battle left it too easy to open portals and half of everyone with any sort of science knowledge has been. From the ones in the park that brought unicorns, and a high level demon to handle the unicorns, to the guys in New Jersey who can't somehow figure out how to turn off their temporal portal machine to six others in the last few days."

"Oh, we hadn't heard."

"That was noted by SHIELD and SWORD actually. Apparently they think he's hiding from them."

"He may be. I'll see if he's very busy. The last I knew he was researching a recipe." He went to the library to talk to his head guy. "Dr. Jane Foster is here."

"Why?" he asked, looking up from his mother's very scrabbled recipe card. "Did she create a problem with her bridge device?"

"No but apparently your last battle has let everyone with a science degree open portals."

"Excuse me?" The lower sorcerer got out of the way. So he sighed and went to talk to her. "Dr. Foster." He really did expect her to be taller by her pictures next to Thor in magazines. "What did what now?"

"Your last battle." He nodded slowly. "It somehow merged some extra energy planes, and the witches Darcy talked to said something about ethereal and in-between energy streams, to this one. It's let *everybody* open portals. From bachelors students who opened one that brought unicorns, and a huge demon apparently teaching at a local college to help corral them, to the guys in New Jersey who have a temporal portal they can't seem to remember to turn off. Is there some way we can unmerge them? The copulating they're doing is wreaking havoc. SHIELD thinks you're hiding from them as you never show up. SWORD said the same thing during the unicorn one they answered, with all the witches on this part of the coast apparently."

"I'm not aware of anything like that." She pulled out her readings to show him. "Oh, that did change in those spikes," he agreed. That battle's date had a huge energy spike and it had stayed. "Will it go away on its own?"

"In two years. Do we really think two more years of portals bringing who knows what is going to be good for the city? I mean, the guys in New Jersey brought Hun warriors by accident. We've had other realm, other dimension, and other worldly ones here in the city. One to a Fey court wedding reception. They weren't amused but did take some silver as reparations." He winced.

"Exactly. And it's going to get a bit worse before it gets better. SHIELD asked me to come see if you could find some way to un-copulate the energy fields. The witches they've talked to don't have a clue what you did to do it, they just feel the outcome. They did say healing spells have come easier however." She gave him a pointed look. "SWORD would really adore it if they could quit answering portals at the various colleges. Earlier they had to go shoo off some actual Klingons."

He moaned, rubbing his forehead. "I have no idea how to do that or how it got done in the first place. I will *gladly* find a way to undo it if I can however."

"Please. The half-unicorn foals are adorable but the humans who owned the female horses were not amused and are suing people." He nodded at that. "Just, please, if you can? Before my portal belches too? Because that could be world merging."

"I hadn't thought of that. Um, are you due to..." She nodded. "Can it be held off?"

"For Thor's coronation?"

"Oh, that's important yes." He considered it. "I will gladly do what I can and work on it as fast as I can."

"Please. Before we're all forced to rely on the magic mirror system Darcy came up with, which can sometimes belch and land you somewhere called Between?" The lower sorcerer choked at that. She looked at him. "Not like you guys' portals. Hers are on mirrors. Like in the fantasy novels." She looked at the sorcerer again. "Please? Soon?"

"I'll work as fast as I can," he assured her. "I do not want to see any portals I'll have to fight."

"SHIELD and SWORD both wish you would since they're hating them fighting them. And the slayers too."

He winced again. "I'll call upon them later."

"Thank you. The Avengers team would appreciate that as well as one of the portals last week tried to eat the Hulk and nearly succeeded." That got a third wince. "Thank you, Sorcerer Strange." She left, going to report she had told him.

He looked at Wong. "Between?"

"Very bad. Very, very bad. But they can be helpful. An alternate realm that's part afterlife, part magic, and all bad news. Like the creatures you see when you go out of your body? They all come from Between."

"Oh, them. All right. Do we have anything on this topic, Wong?"

"I'll go look." He went to summon anything on that topic for them both to go over. This was going to be so bad for their image.

***

Loki appeared in the tower, looking at the man talking with Darcy and Jane. He stared, mouth open, finger raised. "Grandmaster, you're on Midgard now?"

"Um, no, not my name," Dr. Malcolm said cautiously.

"Really? You do look just alike."

Jane waved a hand. "Can you tell why?"

"No. Not at this moment." He considered it. "All right, that's very weird. But perhaps amusing in the future." He shook his head, looking at Darcy. "Dawn has been snatched to Asgard by the mages who wish to court her."

She looked up. "Xander! Oh, Xander!" she called loudly.

"Busy," came back.

"Dawn got kidnaped."

"It happens a lot. I'll go stomp those mages in a minute for her if she doesn't do it herself."

"Okay. Thanks." She grinned at Loki, who was rolling his eyes. "Want to bring her a weapon or two?"

"Or four or six," Loki added dryly. "But that would make a mess and get me blamed."

Darcy went to the mirror in there and worked on the runes, then waved a hand. "See if I made it the right way?"

He came to test it, then moaned. "Oh, dear Frigga's tits," he muttered. "Yes, dear, you did." She beamed and walked through with something Xander had given to the kid. She came out the other side humming, then called on Dawn. Dawn appeared, hugging her. "Xander present to the son?" she offered with a grin.

Dawn looked then grinned at her. "Fuck yes, but not yet. Let's go?" Darcy waved a hand at the mirror so they came back through. Dawn sighed when she stepped into the lab. "Oh, thank the Goddess because she obviously infected their brains." Darcy came out and erased the runes on the mirror before sitting down. She looked at Loki. "Couldn't get Xander?" she guessed.

"He's busy," Jane said.

Darcy got something else and held it up. "Xander, do you need the special eyepatch you left last time?"

"Please, Janus, yes!"

Dawn took it and went to help him. The news caught great pictures of her pulling out higher level weapons and firing it off. Very pretty in the gown they had redressed her in and nice jewelry, but with higher level missile launching weapons. She grinned at the demoness. "Thanks for letting him have me rescued. I didn't want those mages who were trying to talk me into bed again." The demoness pouted at her. "And hey, not like he doesn't get backup." She pointed at the witches appearing. She pulled out another weapon and hit the demon warriors with it. The head demoness whined but stomped off. Xander waved at her back then fired on her to kill her too. The witches came to clean up the mess. She walked down to hand Xander his special eyepatch of holding. "Thanks for the loaning, big brother sort. I nearly needed it to get away from the mages. Darcy offered me the one you gave to the kid."

"I'll make sure you have a better one." He gave her a hug. "You good?"

"Pretty okay now. They were all old guys and kinda stunk from whatever they were working on." She looked at the witches. "Can any of you summon the clothes I had been wearing from Asgard?"

"Not really, Dawn. Did they steal you again?"

"From class this time!" She frowned. "They were rude and pushy but I only had to punch one in the nose." She looked at the demon sniffing around the battlefield. "No! It's not something anyone wants to see." The parts eater huffed off for a few minutes. "Thanks!" She looked at Xander again. "I need to go hide."

"As long as you're not hurt."

"No, they didn't get beyond nagging me to help them with stuff that they didn't want to explain." She looked at herself then spun around twice to change her clothes back. "There," she sighed in pleasure. "Fuck yeah, pants." Still had on the jewelry. She took off the necklace to look at. "Huh."

"That's a burial necklace," he said. "So they were going to sacrifice you apparently."

"Nope, not into that!" She handed it and the dress to the witches. "In case they show up for them. Can we get me back to campus?" They nodded, sending her off. She found her backpack with the teacher. "Sorry, some of the dicks on Asgard were rude." He rolled his eyes but he was used to Dawn. He'd had her for other classes.

Up in the tower, Loki was looking up and shaking his head. "I'll have her things sent back," he said, turning off the tv in the corner. Then he sighed. "I'm not sure if I'm amused or annoyed."

"Go masturbate to figure that out," Darcy quipped with a grin for him. "That's how we women do it."

"Sadly true, especially after some dates were so lousy," Jane admitted, getting back to the current formula. She looked at Dr. Malcolm. "I told your former cohorts to turn off the machine."

"So did I. They didn't take the warning." He grinned at Loki. "They're using a stolen temporal device. It keeps setting itself off."

Loki blinked a few times. "That's...disturbing. Even one of them dying could have a great effect."

"I was worried about the guys who find the dino bones being discredited because they didn't after all," Darcy said.

"We can only wish a few of them hadn't been found," Dr. Malcolm said dryly. "We really can."

Darcy got up to hug him. "Imagine what they might've done with worse."

"True. They could've made worse ones, and done it in an urban area." Darcy smirked at him. "Oh, no." He recognized that look.

"Yeah, they're opening one by LA!" She found the announcement to show him.

"Hell no," he muttered. "Guess I'm not going out there anytime soon. That poor city. We really do have to warn them." He read it over. "Oh, they even gave the park a tax break." He handed it back to Darcy and kissed her on the forehead. "You're like a proof of the chaos theory, dear."

"You say the sweetest things," she quipped back with a smirk. "Could be worse, could be local."

"I'd move. Immediately. But housing prices would go down so I'd have to sell quickly." He looked at Loki. "Can you go mischief that plan before they bring any dinos there?"

"They're what?"

"Remember that movie Thor complained about?" Jane asked. "The one with the dinosaurs?"

"Yes," Loki said with a nod. "Highly illogical."

"It's based on a real event," Ian Malcolm said. "I should know, I was there. Now they're apparently going to bring some to a major city in the US."

Loki blinked a few times. "Why would anyone...."

"Supposedly for science but really it was greed," Darcy said.

"Ah." Loki sighed again. "Yes, that plan really does need my special touch." He went to check on that and fix it before it got started.

"Maybe he'll win," Ian said. "Grandmaster?"

"The Lord of Sakaar," Jane said.

"I'll look into that. It could be a relative." He walked off rubbing his forehead, but he ran into Stark at the elevators. "Push against the people opening that special island in LA?"

"They're what?" he asked as the guy got on the elevator.

"They're making it a theme park by LA. Ask Lewis."

Stark went to talk to those two. Darcy handed over the announcement. "Fuck no!" Stark complained loudly.

"We asked Loki to go help stop them," Darcy offered with a grin.

He stared at her. "Are you really a chaos goddess?"

"That's another sweet compliment! Thank you!" She hugged him.

He swatted her with the paper, going to warn Pepper, then tell the others. Pepper wasn't in the office so when he walked past Bucky he handed it over. "Lewis asked Loki to help stop it. If they break out this time we're not answering."

Bucky read the news story, going to ask Sam. Who blinked a few times. "Wasn't that a movie?" Bucky demanded.

"Yeah but it's a based on a real story. Lewis studied under the chaos guy."

"Huh," was said weakly. "Stark said we're not answering if they get out."

"Yeah, not going there. Ever. Nowhere near that park until they're all dead."

Bucky nodded. "I can agree with that. Tell Steve?"

"I'm not that brave." He clapped him on the arm. "You have fun with that, buddy." He walked off shaking his head.

Bucky trudged up to the room where Steve was going over a mission with Hill. "Stark and Sam both said we're not answering if they have problems."

Steve took it to read over, blinking a few times. Hill took it and moaned. "Yeah, I'm not going to do that. I wouldn't be of much help against a t-rex."

Hill looked at him. "We're going to put in a protest and make sure of their security system, Rogers. Though I have a few agents I'd like to go test them." She scanned that in and sent it as an email to Coulson with the suggestion that they had a list of agents to go check on that idea. The answer back 'not funny' was amusing. Then the other one that said they didn't have enough agents to throw the bad ones away came from another number. Steve looked when she held the phone up, nodding he agreed. "We can tell HYDRA, let them go investigate."

"You'd get AIM instead," Bucky said. "Do you hate them that much too?"

"Well, yes."

"He said Lewis asked Loki to help stop them."

"AIM vs Loki vs Dinosaurs," she mused. "I'd pay night time movie ticket rates to see that."

Steve and Bucky shared a look but let her dream for a bit. It was nice of them to give her a moment.

***

Adrian wandered into the lab, waving the colorful paper he was carrying. "Trip, Mommy."

She took it to read over. "That'll be a fun trip." She grinned. "You're going to the natural history museum."

"Why?"

"To look at bones and rocks and stuff. That way you learn about them."

"Why?"

She stared at him. "So you can run around looking at stuff, Adrian."

"Oh." He looked at Jane. "You come?"

"No, I don't think I'm invited." Jane smiled.

"You still come!"

"They can ask Jane to go," Darcy said patiently. He grinned, going over to hug his auntie. "Have the daycare lady ask her, son."

He grinned up at Jane. "You teach rocks?"

"I don't know much about rocks but we'll see." She called down there. "It's Jane Foster. Adrian asked if I wanted to go to the museum with him." She listened. "Yeah, I guess I can do that. I'll see if I can talk Thor into it too." She hung up. "Okay, I can go and we can ask Thor if he can go too."

Adrian squealed, running off with the paper to go find that uncle. The elevator took him to the right floor, letting him head for the infirmary area. "You helpies!" he shouted when he found him, waving the note. "Helpies! Teach!"

Thor took the note to read over. "That sounds like quite a trip. Your mother had us go to the one in London a few times."

"You comes?"

He blinked back. "I have no idea but I'll see if I can." Adrian pouted. "Disarm the pouty lips," he said with a smile. "I'll see if I'm doing anything that day, Adrian."

"FRIDAY?" Adrian called. "He comes?"

The AI cleared her throat. "He's due to have lunch that day to talk to a group of historians but it's due to be over before the trip. He may be able to join you once you're already there."

"Thank thee, FRIDAY," Thor said. He looked at Adrian. "If I can I'll join your group at the museum."

The kid grinned at him. "Auntie Jane too! Rocks! She teaches!"

"I'm sure she will. She's quite smart." He patted him on the head. "Go back to your mother?"

Adrian pouted. "You comes now?"

"In a moment. Let me get a bandage." Adrian stared at the nurse.

"I'm nearly done," she promised, getting back to work. Thor got released and walked him back there. She giggled. The kid was so adorable most of the time. Thor made a good uncle.

***

Darcy looked up at the cleared artificial throat. It was the day of the museum trip. "FRIDAY, what's happened at the museum? I have the feeling something did with the way you cleared your throat."

"The museum is fine but Dr. Foster has had a fan incident. The boys have mobbed her and the daycare children beat them up. Your son warned them not to be mean, he didn't want to see officers like on the news. The kids went on with their tour and Dr. Foster brought the boys with her while nagging them about science things. And then Thor got there. The boys fanned over him. And then the sorcerer's people stepped out of a portal."

"Oh, shit. Is Adrian fine?" she demanded, getting up to grab her tazer and jacket. "FRIDAY?"

"The boy was not noticed as of that moment but they were there to take an artifact, which did turn itself on. And headed right for your son. The sorcerers were not amused. They've been yelling at the children. Thor has slammed one into a wall as of the last moment."

"I'm on my way there."

"Lewis," Stark yelled. "C'mon, I'm giving you a lift."

She ran that way, letting him fly her off in the suit. She ran inside, and pounced one of the guys glaring at her son. "Get away from my son! Now! Before I make you scream!" She got up and kicked another one. "Get away from children!"

"Mommy!" Adrian called, waving his full hands.

"Son, get it away from the other kids and especially Bethany. Please?" He moved out of the way of the other kids. The security team pulled him a bit away. Darcy glared but they didn't keep hold of him. Another person stomped in so she glared at him. "Jane!"

"We're good," she called. "The boys are being protective of the other kids in the museum. Only our daycare kids are in the open because of that artifact."

"Good! Move the other kids, Jane." They moved them and Adrian came to his mother. He knew this drill. She had taught him. "Good boy, just like I taught you." She looked at the device. Thor came over to help since an officer had taken the one sorcerer from him. "Can you put that down, Adrian?" He tried and it stuck to him. "Okay, let's try to uncurl the fingers." She showed him a flat hand. "Can you do that?" He did and it stuck to his palm. "Good."

Thor looked. "It's a containment urn as far as I can tell. The writing isn't that great." He looked up. "Can we tell what it is supposed to be?"

"Etruscan, may hold a being," a museum person said, coming over with her laptop. "This is what we have on it, Lord Thor." She looked at Darcy. "His mom?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "And he's got a touch of magic," she said quietly. "Sorry if he drew that."

"He had walked past it twice by the security cameras, didn't even look at it," one of the guards said. "Until they came out of the portal then it tried to get away from them by heading for your son."

"Okay," Darcy agreed. "Adrian, is it talking to you?"

"No, is quiet now."

Darcy tapped the urn. "He's a three-year-old boy. Do not take him over. Do not hurt him."

The urn shifted in his hands. "He is protective."

"Yeah and so am I. I'm his mom. Just let my son go." The urn flew to her hand. "Thank you. Adrian, go cuddle Bethany and Auntie Jane please. Let me handle this." He kissed the urn then her on the cheek before running over. "Jane, have the son and the sorcerers?"

"Stark has them," she reported. "Is it speaking?"

"Yeah. It's got something in there. It's scared to death of those idiots." She stood up, Thor steadying her. "Okay, can we move this to a containment sort of area?" she asked the museum person.

"Yes. We have one for examinations." She led them that way and the urn let her put it down. They set up anti-contamination shields and let Thor and Darcy leave it there. She petted the urn, promising to help protect it from idiot magic users.

Darcy walked back out wiping her hands off, staring at the sorcerers. "Why did you try to steal that?"

"It's dangerous!"

"No, *you're* dangerous," she shot back. "It's the daytime. There could've been hundreds of people, especially children, in here. Did you not think!" she shouted.

They flinched away from her. "Your son should..." She punched him as hard as she could. "Hey! Bitch!"

"Yes I damn well am! You endangered my son and other children. A lot of other children!" She kicked him. "How dare you be this stupid! You don't rob a museum in the daytime!" She kicked him again.

"Miss," the officer said. "I need to arrest him. I don't want to get you too." She glared and he backed off. "I know it was scary," he tried again after another kick. "But I need you to back off." He looked at Thor. Who walked Darcy off for him. "Thank you, Lord Thor. She's got a good son, he followed good directions."

"We ran simulations to teach him what to do," Jane said, taking Darcy to hug. "Here, hug the daycare, Darce." She got down to hug the other kids. "They're all okay. Just a bit scared."

Stark looked over from helping Jane and the teenage boys who had mobbed Jane. "All the kids are fine. A few got dusty and they all got scared but they're good."

Darcy nodded. "Sorcerers need to be gone." She looked at Tony. "A lot."

"Yes they do. And they can talk to the head sorcerer in the city about them and how to block them from using any magic." He took Darcy's tazer from her hip and hit one that was moving his hands. "Don't even think about it."

"Let us handle it please, Mr. Stark. Can you start evacuting the kids for us?"

"Yeah. Let's get the kids by daycare out to their busses or whatever." The other adults did that mostly orderly. They were little kids mostly so... A few tried to bring home new friends. Their teachers got them back to their groups so they could leave too.

One of the officers walked over to Darcy. "He would not come near us."

"Yeah, he's had a friend killed by an officer." She stared at him. "He's been almost kidnaped by a few guys who were pretending to be officers but were agents or former agents too." The officer winced. "I'd rather he go for a security guard or someone first to be honest."

"I can understand that, ma'am. He's a good, smart little boy."

"I do try." She petted over Bethany's hair. "This is his best friend." The officer nodded and left it there. "Okay, our group. Let's go back to the tower!" she said more cheerfully. "We'll talk someone into bringing down juice and stuff."

"Cookies?" Bethany asked, looking at the daycare worker.

"I'm not supposed to but it's a great day for cookies. I'll get some so you can take them home with your parents." She nodded, following Jane out to the daycare van. The daycare worker smiled at Darcy. "The first I knew, he squeaked loudly and said 'vase talks!'." Darcy winced but nodded. "It flew over as the portal was starting. He's not the only one I have that has magic either."

"His daddy handles things." She followed with Bethany, picking her up to carry since Adrian was babbling at Thor. Darcy was shaking but glared at the sorcerers as they walked past them. One sneered but the officer yanked on his handcuffs to make him stop it. They left after the kids were all out of there. Someone went to talk to the Sorcerer Supreme, who was not amused but oh well!

Once they got back, Adrian got his own cookies but refused to go upstairs with his mom and aunt. So the daycare worker went over the minerals they had seen and why they were important. It kept the kids calm.

Darcy went to the parent area, looking at the ones waiting. "Sorcerers attacked the museum," she said. "An urn holding a trapped spirit tried to flee by way of letting Adrian carry him off." They all groaned. "The kids aren't hurt. Don't seem too shaky. Asked for cookies." That got some smiles. "They're going over the various rocks they saw. But we're all back." They went to get their kids and go home for the night. She looked at Bethany's mom. "She's just fine. She got a bit dusty. The urn flew past her to hit Adrian." She shrugged. "He's not the only one with magic so I think it's more about his daddy."

"I can understand that. Is he okay?"

"Yeah, just fine. The urn talked to him but didn't hurt him. He followed the protocols we gave him for emergencies very well. He was trying to hang onto her but I had him move away just in case the urn was dangerous. She was a bit tired so I carried her."

"FRIDAY told me." She patted her on the arm. "Your kid does a lot of neat things."

"Sometimes. I'm blaming that on his father."

"Yes, we can tell." Darcy winced. "It's not widely known but you can tell if you know what to look for. And yes, this is just like him." She went to get Bethany, who squealed and pounced her to cuddle. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine!" She nibbled on the cookie she had stolen from Adrian. "We had fun, Mommy!"

"Good! I like it when we have fun." She signed her daughter out and took her to their new apartment.

Adrian was going over what to do during emergencies. He had done a good job and they made sure he knew that.

Darcy was going to scream when her boy went upstairs with Jane in a bit. It was time for a mom fit.

Jane looked over at her. "I'll start dinner."

"Thanks."

Clint leaned in and took Darcy off, pointing up the hallway. "Gym? Go have a fit. I'll help the kid remember his security protocols."

"I don't want to scare him, Clint."

"I know. He did a good job earlier. We got the film thanks to Stark. Even Natasha was impressed that he followed directions so well." She grinned, letting him into the lab. "Hey, kiddo!" Adrian hugged him. "Tell me what happened earlier at the museum?" The kid babbled at him, eyes wide. "That's really weird. You did good though. You did a good job following orders. Let's go over it so you know how to handle the next cuddly vase?" Adrian nodded and they went over how to handle magical cuddly things. On the way back, Darcy said she'd go to the main kitchen to get something and had a mom fit in the gym then smoothed herself out and got the muffin mix on her way back to her apartment.

Steve and Bucky shared a look from the corner of the gym she had used. "Mom stress," Bucky said. "Ours would've just screamed at us."

"If a magical vase had tried to hug us, we would've gotten whooped by a priest," Steve shot back. "Then she would've yelled at us for prompting it even if we didn't."

"Yeah, true. Your mom would've thrown an awesome fit too. Which would've gotten the priest to beat us before she asked."

Steve nodded that was true. Sam came in looking amused.

"Adrian's fine."

"Good!" He shook his head again. "My mother would've beaten those sorcerers then yelled at me about not being able to duck out of the way."

"Ours would've thrown a fit in front of a priest and he would've beaten us for her," Bucky said. "Then we'd get yelled at for not ducking it."

Steve nodded, eyes wide. "Thankfully priests aren't like that anymore."

"Yeah, it's a good thing." The old friends shared a look. "Darcy's a really calm mom."

"She is," Steve agreed. "Thankfully."

"I heard she blamed that one on his dad," Clint said as he came in.

"Could be," Steve agreed happily. "He does get into weird things."

"A lot of weird things," Bucky added with a nod.

Clint grinned. "He called to talk to Adrian about the urn too." They all grinned at that.

Xander was a great not-visiting often dad to his very weird kid. Someday they'd have to talk to the kid about not turning into his dad. Well, that and not to keep being a pirate since he was running up the halls cackling and waving a sword while chasing one of the lab techs.

The End.
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