Death of a 'Hero'





The judge looked at the file on the young idiot hero who had done the unthinkable. He had taken out a gathering of villains. Somehow. No one was fully sure how but he had managed it and had survived so far. Now...the judge wasn't so sure the kid wasn't mentally unstable from it. He looked at the defense attorney. "I want him to be evaluated for mental health," he said calmly.

"I don't think he's snapped, Your Honor."

"I doubt that. He seems very pleased."

"Well, it was his stated objective in life to take down at least one of those villains."

"Yes, but there's legal ways and then there's extrajudicial ways of handling those things. He didn't take down just one. He took out twenty-four. Yet doesn't seem to be phased by it. I'd like him evaluated and then I'd like him to talk to some senior hero sorts about what happened. They do not have to tell us what they talk about, but I want their evaluation of him as a wannabe hero and as a non-threat to society."

"I can arrange that," the defense attorney said with a nod, making a note. "Does the prosecution want to sit in on that meeting?" he asked that lawyer.

"No but I'd like him to talk to more than one of the elder heros. Including some non-traditional ones. Including perhaps one of the people from those girls who have recently come into the open. Apparently they've been handling things since writing started. They may have different standards to evaluate him on."

"I don't disagree with that idea," the judge said, looking at the defense attorney, who made another note with a nod. "Thank you. I look forward to seeing those reports on how they are."

"Within a few weeks if I can," the defense attorney said. "I'll let you know the timetable we manage, Your Honor."

"That's reasonable." The prosecutor nodded at that time table. "Any other motions?"

"I'd like to have him moved to solitary," the prosecutor said.

"He's done nothing to warrant that," the defense attorney said.

"The other prisoners are looking to make their names by taking him out," the prosecutor said. "He's in danger. He can't fight them all."

The defense attorney sighed but nodded. "I would not be against a more confined or exclusive confinement to protect my client's safety. Since you wanted him evaluated, can he go to a hospital?"

"The only one that has that level of security is Arkham," the prosecutor sighed. "Unfortunately."

"Not true," the judge said. "There's two that are just as stiff, and they don't have a history of people escaping every few weeks. One's relatively nearby so that would be a reasonable location." He wrote out the order for the prosecutor. "Tell him why," he told the defense attorney. "So he doesn't cause problems and get into more trouble."

"Yes, Your Honor. Today." He stood up. "I may have a motion or two after those evaluations."

"I figured you would," he agreed dryly, smiling at him. "Most of you defense guys do." The guy nodded and left. The prosecutor left after him.

***

The Defense attorney walked up to someone at a funeral for one of the villains. They were moving to the graveside part of the service from the memorial part. "Sir, I need a moment," he said quietly. "Please."

The hero looked at him. "Why? I'm a reporter."

"Sir, I'm not stupid," he said quietly. "The one who caused...this is under evaluation and the judge has asked that someone of your caliber evaluate him for his continued ability to be not a danger to the rest of humanity. He doesn't want to know what you talk about but your impressions of him and his levels of sanity and threats to normals."

"I can see why," he agreed. "I'll look up a few heros to ask them. Where is your client?"

"The Brandlin Institute. He got moved last night for his own safety and for a psychological evaluation."

"That's probably a very good idea. I know a few heros I get to make quotes for stories." He walked off considering that idea. Yeah, he wanted to know if that kid was sane too. So did a few others he knew about. He'd talk to them that night.

***

The young hero sneered at the man coming in. "Another hero?" he asked.

"No." He sat down, staring at him. "Not most of the time. I've had to do a few big things."

"A psychologist?"

The older guy grinned, shaking his head. "You wish." He stared at him. "So... I've read the other reports. I know why they asked one of us to come too. Most heros are idealistic. A few of them are kind of messed up on top of that. Instead, I work with the slayers." The hero flinched at that.

He stared at him. "I'm a normal guy who jumped in because one little girl shouldn't do it on her own." He leaned on the table. "So let's talk about your idea and what you did, kid. I want to know why you decided to go lethal around normals."

"They were all villains!"

"The wait staff were?" he asked. "The reporters there? The girlfriends and wives were?" The guy blinked hard. Xander stared at him. "You killed twenty-four people who some would classify as villains. Though a few were just mildly annoying with ideas that're weird. I find a few heros fall into that category too." He stared the guy down. "You also killed another thirty normal people. And injured over a hundred. Just normal, average, doing their job people. Did you even consider their inclusion?"

"I only wanted that one that killed my mother!"

"I get that. I helped get the vampire that took out my lifeline, who I had known since I was a toddler." He shrugged. "Did I include others? No. So explain to me how you decided on that plan." He leaned back, staring at the kid again. And he was a kid. He was barely above a teenager.

"I was only going to get that one guy. It was only meant to get him."

"And you didn't decide to take him on one-on-one? Work against him in a less public place?"

"No one would care that the other villains got hurt!"

"Except for the thirty non-villains that died and the other hundred that got sick," Xander shot back. "You potentially could've killed *thousands* of people to get one person. Thankfully one of those villains knew what was going on and called it in to save the rest of the civilians and started the evac that was needed to try to save the ones in there with them." He tipped his head slightly. "So what gives with that plan?"

"I couldn't get him at his office. Or on the way or anything."

"Is that because you lack skills?"

"He has a fleet of cars. He changes randomly."

"Okay, and that's solved by watching him leave and travel," he said dryly. "Maybe using some artillery on a private plane if he's traveling that way." The guy slumped. "Then you would've only killed the other staff on the plane. Hell, I could've done it and made it look like a regular plane crash until they ripped things apart. So why there?"

"It was the most accessible he'd be for months."

"Because it was a public event." Xander nodded. "You still went for collateral damage."

"It wasn't intentional," he snorted.

Xander raised an eyebrow, shaking his head slowly. "That still hasn't sank in yet." He pulled an envelope out of his overshirt pocket, laying pictures out in front of him. "You killed them too, dude." The guy looked then looked away, shuddering. "Also, you went in like an oil company to rip apart an ecosystem." He stared at him. "If there's no villains, then you're not necessary and you're just a threat to normals. You've proven you don't care."

"There's always another one."

"Half of the ones you consider a villain were just smart people with ideas that're a bit wacky. Mr. Freeze was there and he went bad to help his research to fix his wife. He wasn't known to kill." The guy slumped. "The Riddler, not known to kill. Just had a lot of wacky ideas." The guy shuddered. "So what are you going to do now to get your fix?"

"Fix?"

"Dude, the handling of a problem gives you a high," he said dryly. "We all get it. I get it after I help stop an invasion. After I save someone from a neck biting fiend. That whole feeling at the end, that's addictive. So how are you going to get that fix?"

"I..." He swallowed. "There's always another evil one."

"Is there?"

"Yes! Two have tried to take their places!"

"They're called heirs. They inherited things. That doesn't make them evil." The guy looked confused. "Really. Just because they you inherit things doesn't make you evil. Even Luthor's heir isn't necessarily evil. Though she is a bit leaning that way. She'll do enough good in the world to make up for her uncle's bad reputation." He shifted to cross his feet. "So how are you going to get that fix?"

"I...there's lower level ones."

"Yes and they don't deserve to be killed either."

"You think you should just arrest them?" he sneered.

"Some guy mugging ladies in a park isn't due for a death sentence for it. The guy who holds up a convenience store isn't due for a death sentence." He stared at the guy. "The really good drag queen going around protesting things by standing up for her rights and the rights of others isn't due for a death sentence even though your prior writings show that you want them to die." He stared at the kid again, making him look away. "So how are you going to get that fix?"

"Ecosystem?"

"Yes. Like there's sharks in the ocean who eat tinier fish and dolphins that fight them but they eat tinier fish. There's an ecosystem to that lifestyle. A lot of the supposed heros haven't figured that out yet. Or that they're kind of creating more mental hell for themselves and yet still not winning. Even if you win a battle that doesn't mean you're winning the war.

"Luthor still got to buy companies to sell off if he wanted. The ones who got fired were probably mad enough to take him out and yet didn't. The victims of the others probably wanted to take out the one that made them a victim but didn't. You want to be a great white but you're really just a little nurse shark. Which don't eat people."

"I'm a great white!" He got up to pace. "The good guys will always win."

"No they don't and they shouldn't. Then you get things like the Inquisitions. Too much good is as bad for humanity as too much bad. It took me years to see that. I don't want true neutrality like the Powers That Be but yeah, there's got to be some balance to nature. There's predators, there's prey."

The guy was glaring at him. "Are you sure you're not a villain?"

Xander took out his phone to show a video. "Yet there I am helping stop an invasion to end humanity." The guy shuddered and backed away from him. Xander put his phone back into his pocket. "Humans are still animals underneath the hood." He got comfortable. "So, how did it feel to kill more people than most serial killers, kid?"

"I didn't mean to do that!"

"Uh-huh. So you clearly can't make good battle plans since that one sucked." The guy tried to hit him so Xander knocked him down. He stared down at him. "You aren't a hero, dude. You want to be a hero. You're like the fireman that joins the fire department to get attention and ends up starting fires." The guy whined but shook his head. "Yeah. This gets you attention and you decided this was the easiest way to get it. So how did killing thirty people feel?"

The guy got up and huffed off. "I'm done."

Xander nodded at the guard. "He needs a shrink worse than I ever have. Or Batman does." He left, going to hand over the tape and a report. He looked at the judge. "He's not a hero."

"I don't need to know what you talked about."

"Yes you do. He likes the thrill of the capture, of the kill. If he has to he'll take out muggers. He noted the heirs that inherited things." The judge nodded once, taking the tape to listen to. Then he moaned. "Exactly. If he was one of my slayers I'd sink him into a mental health hole and keep him there until he was straightened out.

"Or permanently because he's going to keep being a danger to everyone." He nodded. "I hope they can keep him confined." He left to go tell his bosses about that one. Guys like that would hate competition doing good things and might come after the slayers.

The judge called in both lawyers. "I got a report and tape from Mr. Harris of the Council."

"I asked for a senior watcher," the prosecutor said with a grimace.

"That's the guy that's training the girls overseas," the defense attorney said with a sigh as he sat down. "I did not watch them." The judge ran the tape for them. The two lawyers looked at each other then nodded. "I'm going to move to have him declared insane," he decided. "My client will not like it and will fight me on it."

The prosecutor considered it. "Did the facility's people watch all the interviews?"

"Yes, and they suggested a few of the heros get some mental help as well," the judge said, handing over their report. "That's from the first two they witnessed."

They went over it. "I'll offer life in a mental facility," the prosecutor offered. "He clearly needs it."

"I have to talk to him but I doubt he'll want to take it. He might fire me and go to another lawyer."

The judge nodded. "He could," he agreed. "You're beholden to the law to do the best for your client that you legally can."

"I know." He stood up. "Let me talk to the facility's manager and then my client, Your Honor." He went to talk to him. He found the head psychologist waiting on him out in the courtyard. "You knew I'd be coming?"

He smiled and nodded. "Of course you were coming. That last interview was...brutally honest."

He sat down on the same bench. "The prosecutor thinks he should be permanently confined."

The shrink nodded. "Yes he should. Someone's going to have to take him out to stop him taking out civilians someday. Probably soon."

The lawyer considered it. "Is here a good choice?"

"Son, I trained Dr. Quinzel in her doctorate in psychology." He looked at him. "This guy, he's closer to her boyfriend than her. He has the same mental status as I put the Joker." The lawyer shuddered. "I watched the other ones. Even the ones who're more vengeance oriented thought he had went too far.

"Batman because he killed. Two of his trainees because he went after them in public and did collateral damage. Hell, I asked Quinn herself about it to see her take on it. She'd know psychos better than most anyone." He smirked a bit. "She asked if he was hiding white pancake makeup and walked off shuddering about her ex's near twin."

"So he's definitely a danger."

"Yes, he is." He nodded. "That last one was a bit different. Where was he from?"

"The slayers." He looked at him. "He's the guy who trains the girls overseas."

"Interesting. He had an interesting take on life. Compared it to an ecosystem in nature with predators and prey. I wonder how he'd take Batman."

"Probably as a predator that preys on other predators." He stood up. "Let me talk to him."

"Oh, I'm going with you to explain some harsh realities." He smiled. "The last guy was right. He's going to have to find a way to get his fix from the high he created. He hated to look at the pictures of his victims but not that much. It didn't disgust him by any means." He stood up and walked him down to the same interview room. The prisoner was brought in. "Son, we've gotten reports from all those heros."

"So I can get out of here?" he asked.

"Hell. No," the shrink said dryly. "I asked some of the lighter level villains I know as well, ones who have no problem killing others if they have to." He smirked a bit. "They said you're more psycho than the Joker. Plus you won't last too long before you take out someone else on purpose. Before someone attacks you to get the guy who took out so many villains to make their own names in the underground. Or before someone has to take you out to spare civilians."

"I don't want to hurt civilians!"

"But you did a great job of it," his lawyer noted. "The Prosecutor offered confinement here or somewhere like here until they consider you well, which would probably be a lifetime sentence by the reports given over."

"They're just jealous I got their nemesis before they did," he sneered.

"Doubt it." The lawyer let him read the copy of those reports he had. "They all thought you had went too far. That you hadn't cared about the civilian casualties. They all think you're snapped and a danger to everyone. Villains think you're a legal target because you took out so many civilians."

"Not their own type?"

"No. They know the rules of the life," the head shrink said. "They know they could die doing their things. The same as heros do."

"I always win."

"You're not winning," the shrink said. "You lost a lot, including your mind, when you decided on that course and didn't care about anyone else who was there."

"They chose to work there."

"To work at a hotel? Does the busboy that you killed decide who throws shindigs at that hotel?" The guy shrank away from him, looking disgusted. "There is the option of a trial and then regular jail. Which means you're going to be locked up with people who want to kill you to make their own reputations. You probably won't make it more than a few months," the shrink said, sounding honest.

"The ones you missed will show up in gen pop to get you. Even in a supermax there's ways to get another prisoner. The ones you took out were the lighter end of villains. Nothing on the level of the horror that is the Joker." The guy winced at that. "And I doubt he wouldn't be the first in line to get to you as you took out a few of his henchmen."

The shrink nodded. "The current deal is a good one. You can have therapy until you realize why you did the wrong thing trying to do the right thing. It may take you years though."

"If I get cured do I get out?"

The lawyer shook his head. "They asked for lifetime confinement. The Prosecutor doesn't think you'll make it very long to be honest."

"Hmm." The shrink laughed. "True. Neither do we." He stared at the guy.

The lawyer looked him. "Oh, shit," he said, realizing what was going on.

The shrink winked at him. "I really did ask Harl about him. Let her see all the interviews with her *team*," he said dryly. "She was very, very worried about this guy's mental state. Said he needed more help that she did. Which...says something coming from Dr. Harleen Quinzel." He looked at the hero again then smiled.

"Boo," he said quietly. The hero tried to attack him so he beat him pretty badly. Then he stood up with a grin. A very trademarked grin. "That felt good. It felt real good." He smiled. "Take the deal, kid. You won't make it in jail. And make out a will so people know who you want to inherit your things." He strolled off.

The lawyer looked at a guard. "That's the Joker."

"We figured that out earlier and put it online," the guard said with a nod. "The head shrink is in traction but he didn't hurt him too much to take his place. We were all happy with that."

"He trained Harleen," the Joker called back. "She asked that I be nice to him."

"Thank you for that, sir." The guard waved then called in help for the victim. "I don't think him staying is going to be a problem for a few weeks."

The lawyer nodded, looking at his client. "Do you want to take that deal offered of lifetime imprisonment in a mental institution? Do you want me to counter?"

"We have to get him," he moaned, trying to get up.

"Kid, you've got broken bones. Stay down," the lawyer ordered. "You won't get that villain. Hell, no one can get that guy and keep him down. Maybe the slayer guy could but most of them, nope." The hero slumped and whined when the medics came to get him to the infirmary. "The Joker beat him pretty badly."

"We can see that," one said with a nod. "We may have to send him to an ER."

"Under security please," the lawyer said. "Just for his own safety." They nodded, taking him off to be examined then sent to the local ER for x-rays and casts. And drugs.

***

The Joker walked past a looming shadow that night. "Harley wanted me to not take the brat of a wannabe villain out. So he's just very injured." He smirked. "I was feeling *nice* since he made me so much work." He strolled past again. "You should've seen that slayer guy going after his mental state."

"Is that why he's in the hospital?" Red Hood asked after him. He had been specifically asked to attend, as a mind fuck on the Joker's happiness scale, this neutral meeting. No one had wanted him to show up but the others couldn't pretend to be him so they were stuck. Listening to him of course, with open comm line and a few others in the same park watching his back.

"Sure is." He grinned as he disappeared into the foggy night.

"Great." He called that in. He had wondered why a truce meeting had been called for this usually foggy park. Now he knew.

Harley Quinn roller skated in another direction after avoiding her ex-boyfriend before she tried to punch him or something weird like kissed him. She paused to wink at him. "The team is watching that kid. If he steps out of line, one of the Squad will get him, Hood." She grinned. "And he won't be joining the squad. Even that horrible cunt can't find a use for that guy.

"She even sent down orders that if we caught him out and about he was to be taken out at all costs." She shrugged, moving off backwards now as she waved. "Ain't nobody like that guy's odds. Even bookies won't bet he'll make it another two years." She spun around and bladed off again.

Red Hood called that in as well. Bruce was groaning at that information.

Harley came back to pause in front of him. "Tell Bats not to help the slayers. They could use it but they do have to *end* their baddies, not send them to jail. I don't think he could handle that mentally. And he'd probably freak out at the vampires thinking he was gloomy." She rolled off again. "Toodles. Go be safe, kiddo. The guys are watching Pookie too hard to ever come back tonight. And he knows it."

"Thank you, Miss Quinn." He went back to tell the others. Bruce agreed, he was not cut out for that sort of battle. He'd help in major things but nightly patrols he'd never want to handle. Superman had said the same thing when he had learned about them. The video of one of their battles had made Bruce clench his bowels so tightly he had to use laxatives to fix it.

They hadn't let the younger Robins and former Robins see that battle at all so they had snuck it. He walked into the manor, taking his hood off. "Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman said to not go help the slayers for regular things, that it's outside your usual methods and you'd pout about the vampires calling you gloomy." He sat down. "The Joker said he was being *nice* when he beat that guy."

"He was. He's alive," Bruce said quietly. "All right. Anything else?"

"Harley said the bookies weren't even taking odds for over two year's survival."

Bruce nodded. "As soon as he hits prison, he's a target. People like the Joker would consider him a fun toy to play with for a bit then he'd be worthless when he got too injured or they got bored with him." He considered it. "He could ask to stay in that hospital."

"He might need it," Hood said dryly. "He'll need medical care for a while apparently."

"Sixteen broken bones. The Joker wasn't even using a weapon." He considered. "He didn't hurt the one he took the identity of either but that was Harley's mentor in her doctorate." He looked at the others. "Other fallout?"

"They're mostly in shock," Damien admitted. Then he sighed. "They're not sure how to change things and who's in charge. I feel sorry for a few groups."

Bruce nodded. "So do I, but mostly the families left behind." He looked around again. "Any idea of them trying to make their reputations?"

"Not yet. Though two things from the talk. Joker said we should see how that slayer guy talked to him, Bruce." That got a nod but an amused look. "And Harley said that the Squad was using him as a target. He wouldn't be asked to join?"

"Waller," Bruce said. "Her team." Hood shuddered at that. "She might find a use for someone like Harley and a few other villains but not that one. That's actually very comforting. She's a bottom line, human lives are worthless sort herself. If she thinks he went too far, that's actually a good sign." He looked at his kids then at Barbara. "Can you find that film?" She nodded. "I would like to see that. We know almost nothing about those people."

"I do. I asked," she said dryly. Bruce stared at her. She went over the notes she had made while asking them things. Superman had made his own notes during that talk since they both went in as reporters. They didn't like that system of theirs but they couldn't solve it yet. Not that they wanted to take the place of the girls. No one wanted to fight vampires and other nasties of that level.

***

"Are you a hero or a villain?" some woman asked a youngish man at the bar. It was a fair enough question. This bar was full of villains and those on the darker side of the line. The few wannabe heros in there weren't all that light sided. Including the one sitting in a back corner having a beer and sulking about being yelled at by his all-but father earlier.

He sipped his beer, staring at her. "I work with the slayers, ma'am. I train the teenage girls that we can't take the calling from to go out and protect people who hate them for doing it." She shuddered, backing away. He nodded. "It's my night off. I'm not against flirting but I never pay for anything these days. Giles pays shitty wages, even for living in Africa most of the time. Sorry if that's what you were hoping to set up for me?"

She shook her head. "Just wanted to get to know the new guy."

He grinned. "I'm only in for a short visit. This pretty, gloomy, steam filled town is going to have an issue with some refugees in the next few weeks. I'm here to make sure they're safe and get them to some help since they're fleeing from an idiot sorcerer." He took another sip of his beer. "But hi. I'm Xander." He held out a hand.

"Jessica." She shook it. "They make the girls train?"

"No. The girls all get to make that decision for themselves; they can totally decide not to go on training or patrols or fall in for battles. But they do need to know self defense because no one can unmake the slayer calling so they're in danger. My job is to make sure they can get to the age where they can make that decision and to fill in when there's not enough of them. And to tell the normals that hate the slayers to fuck themselves."

She nodded. "That sounds...hard."

"Often." He grinned. "I've got two six-year-old minis I'm helping with school work and self defense work plus keeping their uncle from trying anything against what he considers against his religion. But they're safe while I'm here because he's in traction for the next two months."

He took another sip with a grin. "And they're visiting one of the other girls while their parents move that way so they have access to great schools. A lot of people don't understand how much their calling sucks but we do what we can so they're happy, healthy, choice making young women. So what do you do?"

"I..." She cleared her throat. "I'm a secretary at a bank."

"That's cool. A normal job is a godsend in this world today." She nodded with a grin. He grinned back. "At least it's not exciting most of the time. You get a few angry people and that's the worst you'll probably see. Though...this town seems to have that problem often." He looked outside and sighed.

"Excuse me for a minute. Let me go yell at someone." He put money down for the bartender, getting a nod. "Be right back." He went out there, popping in a breath mint. "Dude," he said loudly. "Do no make me ruin my only night off for the next month! Please! You don't want to be my stress relief." The villains all stared at him.

He grinned and pulled his axe off his necklace, letting it grow in his hand. "Recognize me better now?" They nodded and ran off yelling that crazy guy was there. He put the axe back and went back inside, shrugging at the bartender. "They think I needed the night off too," he quipped.

"I'll be lucky to get another night off before I have to go back to my minis." He sipped his new beer and sat back down in the same spot but Jessica had fled for someone safer to be around. He grinned internally at that. She probably wanted to brag about having a dangerous boyfriend. Which he wasn't always and not really into having a full time girlfriend.

His phone beeped with a meeting request so he tipped the bartender again and left to go see the healers. He popped another breath mint as he walked into the clinic, nodding at the receptionist. "It's my night off but I love the healers around my minis. What did these ones need?" he asked with a grin.

"They wanted to know what was going on and what support you'd need from the community, plus how many slayers were coming, Knight."

"No, it's just me," he said dryly. "It's a refugee thing. They're fleeing some idiot sorcerer." The receptionist smiled at that. "We'll probably need some of their help in case someone's injured in the fleeing or from the reason they're fleeing. I was going to meet them tomorrow."

"The head matriarch of the area is being induced tomorrow."

"I hope her future wiggly one is less chaos inducing than Samia's is."

She giggled. "We heard the baby had colic."

He grinned and shook his head. "I meant her older one. He's four but he's got more chaos than Ethan Rayne does for Janus. The younger one does have colic and needs a serious dose of zen. Maybe then she'd be able to sleep." He shook his head quickly. "I've spent way too much time telling that kid how great sleep is and how it'll solve most of her problems if she'd just go ahead and nap."

She giggled louder. "I had that with one of mine too."

He smiled. "I can't have my own. Might as well spoil theirs." He shrugged a bit but grinned at someone in the waiting area. "It's okay. I'm a good human. You're not evil right now." She quit trying to turn invisible. He smiled at the healer coming out, handing over his phone once he had the notes up. She touched his hand to sober him up. "Hey!" he complained but smiled at her. "I didn't need that."

"This city's too dangerous to be that drunk, Harris."

He smirked. "Really? For me? It's nothing on a few of the battles I've faced, dear. But thank you for worrying."

She snorted and swatted him on the arm but read over his notes. "I'll have two or three waiting to hear if you need us to treat injuries while we're doing refugee things." She looked at him. "You're meeting with the police tomorrow?"

"City services. So them, fire department, probably someone hidden from one of those hero sorts if they're smart."

"I know of a doctor who works with their sort. I'll have him told so he can share that." He smiled and nodded, sending those to her in an email. "Thank you, Harris. Go rest. You clearly need sleep."

"Yeah, I do that less than the kid with colic does." He sighed but winked at the receptionist before strolling off. Outside, someone tried to pounce him so he beat them a tiny bit, just enough to make them sorry. He stared down at him. "I. Hunt. Demons," he said simply, staring at him. "Do you really want to try that?" The guy shook his head and ran away once he scrambled to his feet.

"Have a great night," he called with a grin and a wave at his back. Xander went back to his hotel room. He realized someone was probably watching him to see what and who he was. If he was the top hero in an area he would watch over an outsider that just came in. Especially one with a chaotic rep like his was. So he settled in to be a good boy tonight and just rest for a change.

***

Xander walked into the meeting with the City Services people, nodding at them. "Sorry, I don't own a suit. Doesn't really work for me in Africa." He sat down at the table. "Your security team was very freaked out by the eye patch for some reason." He smiled. "I'm Watcher Xander Harris." He waved a bit. "In the time frame of two weeks to five and a half weeks, we're not sure totally when, there's going to be a refugee situation coming here via portal."

The mayor winced. "Refugees? We're sure?"

"From what we've been told they're running away from a sorcerer who's a bit of a dick head. Of the lightly torturing them instead of all out genocide at least but we heard there's going to be at least forty beings coming over via portal as soon as they can get it made." That got a nod made. "I've talked with the local healers." He nodded at the local demon community's representative. "Is her future wiggly thing okay?"

"He's just fine, Harris." He smiled. "Buffy already sent over her congratulations for the safe birth."

"Add mine to it." He handed over a card with a smile. "Everyone should have a wiggly thing to give their life chaos. And then there's Samia's kids," he finished quickly, getting a laugh and a nod back. The card got put into his bag for later handing over. "This is what we've heard from the kitten poker circuit and verified through the Arajat's intelligence person I sometimes flirt with." He handed over the printed sheets. "I printed them at the hotel this morning after checking my sources for updates."

They went over them, the mayor nodding some. "Okay, so not an emergency."

"No, it's just that here's got a similar energy so they can open it easier."

"It looks like nothing we should have to handle," the police chief said happily.

Xander nodded with a grin for him. "Until some yahoo decides they're demons?"

"True. We can gladly rush to help contain the yahoos and anyone else who might try to harm them for daring to flee."

Xander grinned. "Thanks. That'll help me a lot. I'll handle it if that sorcerer or someone tried to stop them, or if someone else tries to attack them, but some help getting them to the healers or the local community's center, would be a big help." He looked at the community member. "I talked to a healer last night. Where do you want me to send them?"

"Our community meeting hall would be fine. The healers talked and then to us this morning while we waited on word of the birth. They were most pleased it wasn't an emergency."

"We hope," Xander agreed. "Please let it not be like the battle in Botswana last year!"

The demon guard nodded. "Definitely. We heard. Nice job screaming and ranting."

Xander grinned. "I *so* deserved it after that. And before then because that was supposed to be like this but someone interfered. The minis were there watching to see what happened and so they could help get people to safety." The guard winced at that. "And then the other realm decided to visit at the most bad moment ever. So yeah, I ranted a lot."

He shrugged. "At least it wasn't like the one in Ghana a few years ago. Being naked in the rain in a field battle with a sword, not all that much fun. But the ranting was cathartic. Even the generals agreed with that when they told me to quit complaining." He grinned at the others.

"I'd rant about having a battle in the rain too," the mayor admitted. "Much less with a sword."

"I've had some real charming battles with swords down there." He shrugged again but grinned. "But here has better cable in the hotel. And I can threaten the muggers. And not deal with another group of people with *ideas*."

They nodded at that. They had a few of those but they could ignore them for this situation. "Will that sort interfere?" one of the mayor's assistants asked the police chief.

"I'm going to preempt that later by talking to them myself," Xander admitted with a slight nod. "Because I don't want to have both happen again. I'll let something eat them." He grinned. "I know Spike wanted to know how certain villains tasted to compare them." He smiled. "He's presently in Brazil though. Willow banished him by accident when he was making sick jokes about one of the young teens starting her period."

"Why?" the police chief asked.

"He's a vampire," the guard said dryly. "An older master vampire."

"Spike loves and lives to cause mental distress," Xander added. "To everyone. That's his version of a chocolate sundae."

Everyone nodded at that. He was a vampire, they were weird, that was within the boundaries of weird to them.

"So, how do we handle this and I doubt I'll have more than a few minutes warning when it does happen."

They settled in to talk about all that. Plans saved problems later. Mostly. Some things you couldn't plan for.

***

Xander walked into a bar that was full of the dark side of Gotham's life, going to the bartender. Who sneered. He put his ID down on the bar, making the guy shudder and back away slowly. "I've got to FYI some people about an upcoming refugee moment from another plane that'll happen soon so they don't have to panic. Can I do that here?"

"I'll have the boss ask," he said, calling the office. "Sir, we have a watcher here to tell us about an upcoming thing." He listened. "His ID says Harris."

"The guy from Africa," Xander added with a smile for the one moving in closer on his blind side. "Dude, I handle field battles with a sword. I can feel you and your aftershave stinks." He looked at the bartender again. The guy moved closer so Xander turned and kissed him hard, bending him backward some and making him moan before he let him go. "Thanks, needed that." He grinned. "I'm off duty after this if you're free to have some fun tonight?"

"Nah, I've got to work," he whined, then fled back to his table.

"Okay, come find me if you want some fun." He grinned and waved at his back. Then at the bartender. "Porgi's bar is a lot like here."

The bartender listened to the boss laugh. "He said he's met Porgi and he'd think he'd be upset."

"Dude, he owes me a blowjob for cheating at poker so I had to pay for weapons instead of winning them for the girls." He smirked a bit. "I caught him doing it." The bartender moaned and hung up. "Thanks."

"He'll be in the upstairs area in a minute. Wait there until he sends for you."

"Of course. He's a busy man." He sat down and didn't watch anything going on. It wasn't his city, he wasn't going to get involved unless it was a huge terrorist action or he had to save the local demon community. They had others for that duty. Guards came over to check him for weapons. Xander let them, just looking amused. "Want the hidden things now or later?" he asked.

"You're hiding some?" one of them demanded. Xander pulled his sword off his back to put on the bar. "How are you doing that?" he demanded, taking the sword to look over.

"Magic." He grinned. "Some of us know some witches." They groaned and he put the sword back and rehid it. "I'm sure he's not going to require me to behead a vampire tonight."

"No, probably not. We don't allow them in here," the other guard admitted. They took him to the upper suite, letting him knock then walk in at the granted invitation.

Xander opened the door and nodded, closing it behind himself. "Thank you for seeing me."

"Porgi said you're an asshole, Mr. Harris."

"Well, yeah, I am," he agreed with a grin. "I met Porgi because I conned his little brother into helping me with a battle. I didn't have the weapons his little brother had." He shrugged but smiled, put a copy of those notes on the desk in front of him. "Refugee moment via portal."

The Penguin looked it over, nodding at that. "I can see why you're warning. Most of us would not want to interfere."

"There's always someone who'll go 'but they're demons'," he mocked then sighed. "Which means I then have to prove I'm an asshole. I'm hoping telling you means you can tell most of them to not do that?"

"I can definitely do that." He stared at him, handing back the notes.

"That's your copy. I talked to the mayor and city people earlier. I talked to the healers, who knew someone in a cape so they could warn them so they didn't have a heroish hissy fit like I had to deal with in South Africa and Egypt last year," he said then sighed at the end and shook his head. "Sometimes the good guys, aren't."

"I've seen that." He stared at him. "You're not very light sided."

"That depends." He grinned. "I do save humanity. I do save little girls. I hopped into the duty to make sure one little girl didn't have to do it on her own. Am I nice when I don't have to be? No. Because I deal with a whole lot of people who're hemorrhoids on humanity's ass."

The Penguin smiled. "I know some people that expression fits."

"Me too. That's why I got a terrorist group to help with a battle and then sent their bosses a letter praising them being martyrs to save their people." He smiled. The Penguin laughed, nodding a bit. "But I'd like this to go off peacefully if we can. I know asking means that there's a few who'll try it just because I asked.

"There's always one," he sighed then shook his head. "But if we can make sure it doesn't cause a huge problem I'd like that. This is kinda my vacation this year. And last year. And the year before really." He considered it. "Though I could probably count the healing time...." He shook his head quickly. "Sorry, long day. Catching up on my naps. I have a slayer with a colicky kid." He grinned.

"I've heard how bad that can be. I don't have any of my own."

"I can't have any of my own so I'll spoil my minis." He shrugged but smiled. "Can you please pass that around?"

"I can and will. You should go somewhere safer."

Xander pulled out his phone to pull up a site, letting him see the profile. "I'm not the target just because I'm polite, sir. I'm really not. I may be happy I'm on vacay...." He took the phone back, seeing the small shudder. "I can handle it and myself but I'd rather not have to?"

"I can warn them of that. Where is that from?"

"One of the off-realm intelligence agencies. They tried to tell my boss about that and Giles called me a normal American boy again."

"Ah." He nodded. "Some people never see you as you are."

"No. Buffy thought I was normal for years." He smirked. "Still does sometimes. But I'll leave you to have some fun too. It seems like a night for fun and maybe even some clubbing later for me. Have a good night."

"You as well." He watched him go and moaned then shuddered. That young man was just...weird. And possibly dangerous to anyone who tried him. He called some of his contacts to warn them about that young man and the upcoming refugee event.

***

The next night, after that meeting Xander had eaten a full meal and taken a long nap instead, Xander was in the club getting some attention.

"Have you ever thought about going into stand up comedy?" some girl asked him as they danced together.

He smirked and shook his head. "I don't like being the center of attention and I'm not funny in a ha-ha way." He pulled her away from someone trying to get behind her. "Pickpockets."

She smiled. "You still seem dangerous."

"I am," he agreed smugly. "When I want to be. But I'm outside all that mess that goes on out there." He waved a hand at the back of the club.

"So not a caped guy?"

"No, I'm a Watcher, the guy who trains some of the slayers."

She moaned at that and nodded. "So really not into all that."

"Nope." He smirked down at her. "This is actually somewhat of a vacay for me until the event that brought me to town." He spun them around, tripping the pickpocket and making her moan as she fell. He looked down at his partner again. "You can assure whichever one sent you that I'm good and staying out of it unless it happens in front of me. I'll jump in if it happens in front of me but otherwise I'll only answer pleas for help."

"I can let them know." She stared down at the pickpocket then at him. "How did you know?"

"She tried me last night on my way back to the hotel after I had dinner." He smirked down at her. Then at the dance partner again. "That and she's an agent I've had to get around before to help my minis. Aren't you?" She looked up and nodded. He grinned at the dance partner again, going back to moving, making her dance with him. "I'm usually a good boy."

"I'll let others know." She stared up at him. "We don't have many vampires here."

"GOOD!" He smirked. "I like that! I should move here if I get to retire."

She giggled. "There's always hope."

"True. And for the rest of the times, there's artillery." She moaned at that. He smirked. "I love me some big, loud bangs." She shivered but nodded, letting him get closer again so they could...talk some more about fun things. The agent left them alone once she got up off the floor.

***

Xander was listening to his boss complain manfully about him the next day while he was taking a walk in the park for exercise.

"Xander, do quit dating agents!" Giles complained. "I've gotten multiple complaints about you dating and tempting agents to go rogue. I don't know how you did it but do stop it! Today!"

Xander rolled his eyes. "That's like I made Anya have a conscience again, right?" he asked dryly, listening to Giles complain more, this time in Latin. "Giles, really? I'm a grown man and if they hit on me, well, I'm known to be fantastic to my dates. Or just my fun time friends. If their agencies hate them for being my type of dangerous being, then they probably hired them for that reason and now they're just understanding better."

"Xander, do not date again while you're on that mission."

"Giles, I'm here on semi-vacay waiting on the portal to open," he said dryly. "It's nice enough that I don't have to walk a colicky kid to let mom get some sleep, I don't have to hunt down and kill my own dinner, I don't have to eat fruit that's the last fruit of the day left in the market, I don't have to deal with military people, or battles, or nagging slayers.

"If I want to get my flirt on, I will! And if they're my sort and flirt with me first, then yay! I'm not sleeping alone for a few hours! You should be happy I still *like* sleeping with people with the way some of my past serious dates have went.

"Now, I called because you forgot to pay me. Again. For the second month in a row. I'm on the job so you're still paying for the hotel and they're scowling at me too for some reason that means someone's probably not paying real fast. Keep it up, I'm coming back to run the Cleveland house instead of training.

"Including all those assholes you let hover in the library and mess up the girls. Should I do that and let someone else come here to handle the upcoming portal? And any possible other bad idea in the making thanks to there being heros here and villains?"

Giles spluttered. "There's what?"

"Giles, I'm in Gotham. You know, that area that had the villain attack on a hospital not that long ago?" he sighed. "That has a few caped people running around to handle the big shits going on with their ideas? Do you think Faith or Buffy could come here and deal with the villain contingent?" Someone tried to punch him so he ducked and dropped the phone as he beat that someone.

"Hold on, Giles. Bad ideas happening." He stared at him. "You done now?" The guy whined but nodded, laying there. "Good!" He picked up his phone. "Okay, I'm back. The idiot that just tried to punch me for listening to you bitch about my dating life is sorry." Giles choked at that. "He can walk. I was nice enough. I'm *polite* about such things, Giles."

"Xander," he moaned. He cleared his throat. "The other watchers think you're being a bad influence again and giving us bad representation."

"Then they can come out of the library and do it themselves, Giles. It'd be great if they did. I should not be the only watcher on a continent. Neither should the guy in Asia. We are, but we should not have to be. That's their problem, not ours. We do what we gotta do because no one gives us the backup the girls get. If they hate it that much, they can pick up a sword. You all learned how to use one in watcher school!"

"Point. We've had that talk with them before."

Xander smirked. "I've sent you suggestions on how to change things so we're all in better form. Institute some changes. The Council's no longer six thousand assholes treating the girls poorly, and a few who wanted to reform it for humanitarian reasons. Now it's less than a hundred assholes trying to take the place of six thousand assholes and the rest of us doing the real work and helping the girls be treated like they should be. We can throw a good, old fashioned reformation conference if you want. Or they want."

"They'd have you killed, Xander."

"Yeah, they've been trying that since I was seventeen. Haven't managed it yet. And the day they do, the earth'll be invaded and no one will be there to handle it probably. It was when they tried to infect me with something and I got a tiny bit sick. That's why I had malaria and a battle or three." Giles sighed at that. "I can gladly come back there to fix things as I take over the main house if you want. They can go walk Samia's daughter who has colic for her."

"I doubt they'd do that, Xander." He sighed again then took a drink. "Can you quit warping agents?"

"They hit on me, Giles. Not the other way around. Their agencies hired them to be that sort of being."

"Point. I'll have your paycheck deposited today and check on your hotel payments in a moment. Are you able to handle it?"

"It's a refugee moment, Giles. Of course I can! I've already talked to all the pertinent parties and they're all behind it being an easy thing to handle. It's nothing I haven't done before. And hey, it's not a naked battle in the rain with a sword."

"That's disturbing as a thought," Giles decided. "And a bit sad. No weapons?"

"Beheading necessary," he said blandly.

"Oh. That sort of battle. Wonderful. Are you well otherwise?"

"No. I'm still tired. It makes no sense. But I'll manage it. At least they know where to find me if it starts to happen and I'm not aware."

"Fine. I'll nag them greatly in a moment. Will you need some of the girls?"

"Do I want to have to keep them from being taken by villains, Giles?" he complained. "Really?"

"No. I'd hate that. Buffy could probably find a nice date."

"If she wants, I'll gladly introduce her around. There's some heros around here somewhere. I know she goes for predators but they're close enough probably. At least they're dangerous."

"She may like that. If you need help, do let us know."

"Giles, some villain around here tried to blow up the city last year," he said dryly. "Without anyone in the civilian areas doing more than complaining loudly. If I have a full blown battle I doubt much is going to be said."

"I need to look up that city. Should I sit a slayer there?"

"Do you want them to be taken out by a villain with ideas?"

"Well, no."

"Then no. Here's too dangerous. We're in a predatory ecosystem. They'll all be taken out by it for being one of us."

"Fine. Do keep me informed, Xander."

"Yup, of course I did. Did you get the new reports I finally finished and sent this morning?" Giles sighed and you could hear his computer start up then he started to yell. "Ah, you did. Have fun with that!" He hung up and put his phone into his pocket, shaking his head. "I so need to go have some common sense shoved up the other watchers' asses. Like that poop infusion that gives you gut bacteria.

"They could probably get it from that sort of infusion." He considered it as he finished his lap. He was well aware someone was watching him and stared at the officer doing it when he walked past him. "I only talk out loud so you guys can hear it and figure out what I'm doing," he quipped, making the officer moan. "Because I'm polite, not stupid. I'm doing vacay things."

"They were worried you'd be taken by those sort with ideas," he quipped.

Xander paused to smirk at him. "Dude, I've had two battles in the rain with swords where I was naked. Do you really think the bad idea committee you have around here will manage anything with me? I might take them over.

"It might be fun to run that sort of organization and I'd certainly find Slayer Buffy a boyfriend and backing up for my minis out of the minions. We'd be a great group who used our chaotic urges to protect humanity." The officer shuddered, trying not to hug himself.

Xander grinned. "I think I'll be okay. I play poker with three hell gods and a few arms dealers. They're not worse than the drama queens that some demon goddesses are." He walked off again. "If you tell them I said that I'll introduce them so they can find a deity they can appreciate the ways of. I've recruited a few for a love goddess already."

"I'll let them know," he said quietly. "But that's a bad image." He called his real bosses then his at the police station.

Xander went back to the hotel, smiling at the staring people. "Did Giles fix whatever the morons at the Council tried to do?"

They nodded. "He did, sir. Thank you for having him fix it."

He grinned. "They hate me like hell because I call them on their shit against the slayers. Which we're all supposedly working with. I do the work, they bitch and whine, and I make common sense fixing rules to stop it. They loathe me." She giggled. "But I'm going to spread info about some of the people I've met in Africa."

He went up to get a few things out of his bag and his laptop to run them on, taking them with him to the community center. "Hola, smart beings with common sense, unlike many I work with." A few of the demons in there laughed at that. "I bring info for some lucky journalist about the ones I've worked with in Africa if you want it."

He grinned. "Including my poker circuit and the Goddess Amri. She's looking for more worshipers. I've introduced a few into praying to her but she could always use more since she's going to have a wiggly one of her own sometime this decade. Plus the others I've met."

One of the community council's people stood up to look at him. "Amri's real?"

"Yeah. She makes fantastic lavender cookies. I don't like lavender that much and I loved those things. The minis near her adore her temple and the high priestess who helps and gives advice on boyfriends. Her high priestess gave one of my girls their big girl puberty talks for me." He beamed. "I've met a few of them. Want to watch the videos?"

"Yes. We'd enjoy that." She let him set it up and run the first one on his poker circuit. Most of them weren't demonic but a few were. Then he went over the temples he'd met and talked to, and had peaceful relations with. He went over the mythical cities they had down there that no one else knew about outside the continent.

A veiled woman showed up and leaned down to kiss Xander on the cheek. "I adore you, Knight. You give me such happy tingles." She handed him a cookie then left again.

He grinned, nibbling the cookie. "She feeds my chocolate habit with really good chocolate chip cookies." He let the head of the council have a bite and she moaned but nodded it was a good cookie.

"She's a chaos being," one said quietly.

Xander beamed and nodded. "Sometimes I live like that. It makes my life more interesting than slay, repeat, train the minis." He finished his cookie. "I adore her anyway. She tried to teach me how to play chess and she's a really smart woman. She reads philosophy from multiple realms and could teach that shit.

"In realistic terms anyone can understand. She put it down to the dummy level for me and one of the minis when the mini asked her about what she was reading." They all moaned. "She's super smart and very patient. Her and Desnaria both. And Amri."

One of the guards whined at that. "I have to tell my wife so she can do a pilgrimage to her deity's temple." He walked off calling her. "Honey, Amri's got a temple in Africa. Harris just told us about her temple and how nice she is." He hung up on her squealing.

Xander grinned. "Amri really loves that sound. I made a few pray to her in that tone of squeal. She sent me homemade granola bars." The guard patted him on the shoulder before going to hide from any more information. He grinned at the councilors again.

"Want me to copy off those files and maybe some of the battle ones for you? That way others know?" They nodded, letting him copy and send them to someone's email. He took his information back to the hotel to go back to his resting. He was still exhausted.

That council got into the videos to see pictures of the ones they thought were mythical who weren't. And sometimes were flirty with Harris. He was not a normal human by any means, no matter who said that he was.

***

"How do you handle nineteen squealy, happy, bouncy preteen girls?" that same agent asked him a few nights later.

"Mostly, I just smile and nod and hand them animals." He grinned. "Or flowers. Though most of my minis aren't preteens. I have a mini who's only four months old. I have one mini who's thirteen. I have a few in the ten to twelve age range. Though I have twenty-three minis total. And three fully of-age slayers." He grinned at her. "They're not hard. They're normal, happy girls. How does a teacher do it on a field trip?"

"Point I guess." She settled beside him on a stool. "My boss said you're warping."

"If you're the sort who'd want to flirt with me that means you're dangerous and probably deadly, which they probably hired you to be, dear." He grinned again. "Only the dangerous like me."

She nodded. "Watch out for some of our heros and villains around here then."

"Oh, I'm aware. I briefed myself before I came. And I talked Giles out of setting a girl up locally. I figured they'd turn the villain who tried to capture them into a boyfriend." He sipped his beer.

She considered it. "Some of them date like they say Summers dates."

"Yeah, she likes dangerous, reasonably helpful, and predatory." He shrugged. "I'm sure she could turn at least a minion into a proper boyfriend. A few of the younger teens think she's a dating ideal so she could turn some into their dates too probably. Or nag them into it maybe." He took another drink. "I'm missing my weekly poker match." He sighed. "I've already been pouted at about that."

She stared at him. "We hacked your phone and saw that. My boss went to heave."

He nodded. "I noticed and so did he. Sorry if he has his people ruin your agency's computer system."

"Too late." She got a glass of wine and paid for it then sat back down beside him. "What are your girls doing?"

"Helping Samia with the colicky daughter. Some day I'm going to be teaching the kid how to meditate so she can find zen. She really could use some zen."

"Colic?"

"For four months so far," he said dryly. "I've spent many nights walking the kid for her so she could get some sleep."

"Wow. Is it a spell?"

"Personally I think she hates that her mom eats spicy things and it transmits through the breast milk so she's got heartburn." He took another drink. "She quit crying for a few days when we had to do formula because mom got gored by something that could poison her milk. But it sneezed on her in a market then apologized for a few hours so we weren't mad about it."

She whined and took a big drink. "Things are insane."

Xander nodded. "Everywhere has some form of insanity. You guys have a unique form. We have our unique form. Cleveland has the assholes in the library for their version. You can tell your boss I've suggested to Giles that the watchers have to take a parenting class because they do have to deal with a lot of young children. They loathe that idea. I've suggested a lot of updating things that would bring them to this century instead of the fifteen hundreds."

"That's good for the girls," she said, patting him on the arm. "Do you have weapons with you?"

He grinned at her. "No comment."

She moaned. "My boss is worried about that."

"And I'm hoping we don't have something or someone else show up during the refugee moment to cause a huge problem because we're distracted. If so, I've got to handle it."

"Point. Will they?"

"They have in the past. I've had humans doing it. I've had others doing it. I've had enemies of the people they were fleeing from show up to take out the ones fleeing for daring to flee their enemies instead of battling them. It's very Klingon of them and they hated that comparison but oh well." He finished his beer, grinning at her. "I'm going to go dance. If the reason I'm so tired is a light poisoning, be aware that if I'm too sick I can't fight off whatever else happens." He went out onto the floor to dance.

She called that in and they got the bartenders to quit dosing him with things to make him weaker. It'd mean that agents had to do Harris' job for him and they didn't want that. No one wanted that to happen. She fought down the urge to go flirt with the boy. She was deadly and dangerous but not enough for him.

***

Xander groaned, bent down holding his head, wincing as the vision kept going. He shuffled to the side to lean against a building and sighed in displeasure. He blinked, wiping off the tears from the sudden headache, looking around to try to find his usual watcher. Nope. Apparently they were on coffee break. He moved into the alley to take audio notes for later on his phone, leaning against the wall. It was cooler and helping his headache.

"Boy," someone shouted.

"Dude, I just had a vision. I've got a huge migraine and I'm dictating what I saw. Unless you want me to have to summon slayers here, shoo!" he called back, going back to his note making. He checked and had to unpause it and go back to where he had paused to yell at whoever that had been.

He sighed and put his phone into his pocket, heading out to find a damn officer or agent or someone. Or City Hall. One of them. Of course, City Hall was evacuated at the moment. The fire alarm was going off. Xander looked then sighed, staring around until he spotted an agent he knew, hauling him off. "I just had a vision."

"We saw, that's why we ran from you. That way we don't have to handle it."

"Well, suck it up, princess. The ones fleeing are going to be attacked by someone idiotic but humanish." He stared at him once they were out of the way, handing him the phone. "The sorcerer's going to be highly upset and attack them back. Which means your town just became ground zero for an invasion. And he's got a real army, not a poser army. They're all hyped on things that'll make them super rabid to kill us and they use weapons too."

The agent listened and winced at the description. "That's one of the villains."

"I know that. I briefed myself before I came here." He sighed, looking around. He spotted someone and pointed at them, making them flinch. "Now, dude!" he called, chasing him down to walk him back. The agent was nicely answering his phone. "Slayer problem?"

"Samia complaining her daughter loves you more and her son's saying you're going to get into trouble." He handed the phone, cuffing the obvious clown thug. Xander told her he'd call back later, he was about ten minutes post vision and briefing people. The agent grinned at the thug. "His vision showed your boss starting off a mass invasion of the world and having to fight in it."

"He'd hate that."

"Yeah, he did by the time an hour had passed," Xander quipped. "Right before something took a big bite of his chest cavity to stop him from bitching." He looked at the agent.

"I'll brief people for you?" he guessed.

Xander grinned and nodded. "Give us some backup if you can? Just in case? I didn't bring the artillery I should have for that."

"Damn. How much did you bring?"

"My traveling case that I usually keep in the truck."

"Oh, shit." He nodded. "That usually only has a few things and they've all been Rosenburged. Okay. Let me talk to the higher ups and then the mayor. You're going to have him take you home to his boss?"

"Yeah. Maybe if I can tell him about this he'll listen." The clown whined. "I don't care, dude. Your choice is this or being eaten."

"I never see the big man," he complained.

"Well, you can introduce me to your boss, who probably can talk to him." He shoved him. "Walk."

"It's twelve blocks! We drove."

Xander stared at him. "Walk!" He pointed. "However. Twelve blocks will do you good. You're getting too pudgy for those clown pants. How do you think you'll avoid being captured that way?" The man whined but did take him back to the group house. Which had a higher minion. Xander stared at him. "I'm Watcher Xander Harris, the training watcher in Africa. We just had a vision reported that showed your boss, the head clown, having to handle an invasion he prompted. Can I talk to him please?"

"I doubt it," he said dryly, and pulled a gun. Xander pulled out a bigger gun and used it to destroy the house. The thug was cowering in case it was turned on him. "Um, yeah, let me show you to the boss's lair," he offered, taking him there.

Xander grinned at the thugs. "Construction's a good paying job, guys. Especially around here. Pretty easy to learn too." He let the minor thug go and walked with that one. The guards on the main lair looked upset. "Dude, I'm reporting on a vision he was part of," he said. "I'm the watcher in charge of Africa's slayers. That's all I want."

"The boss isn't happy today."

"Okay, I'm not happy most of the time," he said dryly. Then shrugged a bit. "I deal with teenage and younger girls all day long, dude. Should try my job."

"No, it's more deadly than being here is. You can't bring in the gun." Xander hid it again with a smirk. "How...."

"Magic." He grinned. "I do work with witches. And many of them sub on the other side of that coin."

"Oh."

"I'm here peacefully. I promise I won't touch him at all."

"We can't promise that back."

Xander grinned. "I can get nineteen slayers here tonight to come help straighten out his mood if I need to."

"No. Thanks anyway."

"They love dangerous guys. Sixteen of them are above patrol cleared age. One that likes them dangerous is fourteen so if someone has a younger brother I'll introduce her."

"We'd all like our brothers to go to other fields."

Xander grinned. "Being a watcher is a *great* choice instead of a gang. We see just as much stupid and stress but we use swords a lot of the time, and sometimes artillery. We have normals who complain about us the same way but the government is actually scared of us."

"I'll suggest it to a few. GED?"

"Yeah, and training time. It's a year-long with six months of it being a ride along. I do a lot of that and then send them to South America right now. I really could use a few new watchers in Africa with me."

The guy nodded. "I can see how that'd work. Let me see if he's even awake." He opened the door and found his boss glaring at him. "You were part of a vision this watcher guy has, boss."

Xander grinned and waved. "I saw how you died by huge bite to your chest that opened your ribs. You decided hearts aren't that funny looking after all and do fit the valentine's heart if you look at them from the right angle."

"Who're you?"

"Xander Harris. Watcher in Africa." He pulled up the notes so he could read them. "Right before I saw you bitten you complained killing those sort wasn't as fun." The Joker snatched it to read it and moaned at that. "I warned others that it was going to be a refugee moment, then I had the vision this morning. Since I've only been off-time a few times...."

He shrugged. "I'm trying to prevent that sort of work. I don't have the artillery I'd need to handle that and the government doesn't want to handle anything locally. Something about too dangerous. Too much stress. Dealing with people in capes gives them headaches."

The Joker stared at him then handed the phone back. "I can totally miss that event."

"Thanks!" He grinned at that. "That'll help me a lot." He looked at the one speeding his way shooting. "Watch me shoot back," he muttered. They took aim at them so Xander used the gun he had just hidden to blow up their engine. "Stop it! Before I call something to eat your asses!" He looked at the Joker again, shrugging some but smiling. "But I can count on you to make sure none of your guys attack the refugees running from that idiot sorcerer?"

"Yeah. I don't want to die that way."

"Okay. Thanks. Have a nice day. It's pretty today. Nothing's full of steam and fog for a change. I wonder how they do that." He walked off again, making notes on the end of the file that it may be solved before sending it to Giles. Though he did add that he suggested some of the girls could rehabilitate the minions into their personal boyfriends and watchers. The thugs could be protective and do good for them without too much complaining.

Then he called Samia back. "Okay, I've alerted, I've warned, I've talked someone into not attacking the refugees so they don't start an invasion scenario. What's Miss Cranky doing now?" He listened. "You know what, switch her to formula again for a day. See if it helps that stop again. If not, let her go suck on a goat's teat, Samia. She likes goat milk."

She complained but did fix a formula bottle to give to her cranky one, who liked it a lot more than eating off her. "Some people like that chemical taste. The same way I like cheetos and you loathe them." He listened to her complain about that. "It's fine. If I was there I would but I can't do that from Gotham."

He smiled at the nearby cop staring at him. "Officer, can you make sure your higher ups hear that I did warn the person starting off that problem in my vision and he's said he won't react so hopefully we've side stepped that one? He'll understand." That got a nod and he called that in then went back to his route. Xander went back to talking to his tired sounding slayer. "Hand her to Grandma and go take a nap, Samia. You sound exhausted."

Someone grabbed his arm so he looked at the female agent who had been haunting him. "Harris, the vision?"

"I talked to the guy myself, showed him the notes, he said he didn't want to be eaten that way so he'll probably avoid it."

"Good!" She stared at him. "You faced down the most psychotic villain in the world today by yourself?"

"With one of his minions leading me to him." He grinned at her. "I've seen worse. I mean...Buffy after a week of finals is worse."

"I won't tell her you said that, Harris."

"She'd agree." He shrugged. "We won't even go onto the post final, fully caffeinated and beyond Rosenburg either. He can't stand up to either one."

She blinked. "That's nuts."

"So are they!" Samia laughed. "Got a good cure for unending colic of Samia's daughter?"

"No. I don't have kids yet."

He grinned. "I'd offer to fix that for you if you wanted but I can't."

"I...no. I'll do it after I retire from this hellhole of a job, Harris. Thanks though." She walked off shaking her head.

Xander grinned as he listened to Samia complain he had flirted of all things. "Hey, I can get my flirt on if you can, Samia. Maybe I'll find someone nice who'll want to help me travel to help you girls." She spluttered. "Let Grandma have the baby for an hour long nap. You're so tired you're sounding like Buffy, Samia."

He hung up and went to find breakfast and then back to watch some tv. Gotham really didn't have a lot of daytime activities for sober people. He could go to an all day rave but he was a bit older than their usual sorts. He didn't want to sneer at college girls today. He did enough of that on the job.

***

Buffy got the text from Samia while in the meeting about that vision. "Samia said that villain guy was more sane than Willow and I were after eleventh grade finals." Willow groaned. "I guess that's good."

"Xander did say he talked to him about not appearing to be threatening," Giles said, not commenting on that dark time. He had nearly asked Angel to eat Willow to save humanity that day.

"I should go have a lot of coffee and go help that town get pretty again," Willow complained. "It's gothic and dirty."

"It's a city," one of the other watchers said dryly. "They're all dirty, Rosenburg. If you visited them you'd see that."

"Xander's having a bit of free time while waiting on the portal to start," Giles told him. "Including flirting with a few agents."

That watcher nodded. "At least we know he can't spawn. That way there's no future Harris watcher coming."

Willow stared down at him. "I can help him with that." He shut up and shuddered. "It's not that hard. Giles' books even have a spell so he can carry it himself."

"Please don't," Buffy whined. "We'll have to help him when the kid has colic like Samia's daughter does. Baby Xander would be a lot worse, Willow."

"True, which is why I haven't yet." She glared at that watcher, who shuddered again. "The baby slayers could really love playing with watcher spawn too if there were any. Then again, that means the watchers may die out and leave just the girls doing it for each other."

"I'd suck at that but Cho and Rona would make great watchers," Buffy quipped. Willow grinned and nodded at that idea.

"That's why we put them in charge of regional houses, dear. It's part of that job," Giles told her. He looked at the others. "If we have not diverted that, we'll have a major invasion out of the blue. Are we prepared for that?"

"No. Xander didn't bring his artillery with him. We have almost none here and the witches can't move what we have for some reason so we'd have to fly to Gotham. We'd have to lean on the government and military for that."

Buffy nodded. "Will they finally step in?"

"Not at first," that watcher admitted. "There's no military base near there. Those caped ones may but I'm not sure which ones would have weapons. Or magic to counter that sorcerer."

"No, I've got that," Willow reminded him. They all nodded at that. "Can we talk to other villains? I mean, if he's the worst and less than us on a lack of sleep, then maybe they can help?"

"I'd trust Xander to know who to talk to," Giles told her. "They're not all in that area. He's said he's talked to their city's underground overlord already, Willow."

"Oh, okay." She nodded. "That's handy. Xander does know bad guys. Are they flirting with him?" Giles scowled. She shrugged. "He does draw them."

"He's been drawing agents. They've complained."

"Oh. Poor agencies." She made a few notes for herself.

"I've also reminded him he may not take some of the slayers to introduce to villainous minions to see if they'd like to date." Buffy shrank down but was grinning at that idea. "I'd prefer if they weren't villains, Buffy."

"Okay. They have heros too. Maybe a few would like the girls? They could probably even act like watchers."

"It's been a good century and a half since watchers wore capes," the other watcher told her dryly. "Back when it was fashionable to do so."

"Back when Jack the Ripper was flirting with the girl of that time?" she guessed with a grin to piss him off.

"She did?"

"Yeah. According to her memories in the slayer spirit she did."

"Shite."

Giles looked at him. "They did hunt in the same areas for different reasons."

"Point but still!" He shook his head, making a note to look into later in the past chronicles. He knew Buffy ran into a few serial killer types but he thought that was her being Buffy and flirting with them. "Should we send a single girl to help Harris, Rupert?"

"No. He said it's too dangerous. The town's in constant flux due to the villains and heros arguing over their place in the ecosystem."

"Poor city."

"I can go being undercover," Buffy said with a smile.

Giles looked at her. "You are in no means subtle, Buffy Summers. I'd have to send Faith for that and I doubt she'd enjoy it. Also, Xander said he'd have to rescue someone from one side or the other."

She pouted. "We could go to back him up. That way he's got someone watching his back when he's flirting with agents."

Giles sighed. "We'll see. We have a few days." She nodded at that. He scowled, taking off his glasses. "We will not allow a...what was it you called it, a hoochie mama road trip. You'd be going as a slayer, not to find a date."

"Fine!" She waved a hand with a grin. "If I find one incidentally, then I'm okay with that."

"Isn't their main villain a clown?" Willow asked.

Buffy nodded. "Yeah but Xander fought off the clown phobia back with the fear creature in high school."

"Oh, yeah." She nodded. "Okay." They made notes. "Remember to check the weather. You don't want to wear stuff that'll get sticky if you get rained on."

"I know." She sighed. "And not the cute shoes either. They're not for battles."

Giles stared at her. "Do desist."

She rolled her eyes but got back on topic. "How many refugees? Did Xander get a count?"

"He said about forty made it over before the sorcerer spotted the clown and attacked because of him."

"I didn't think demons could have clown phobias," Buffy said, looking at Willow.

"I didn't think clowns existed on other realms." She shrugged. "No idea. I'll see if we can find a reason through the poker circuit tonight." She sent a text message to Xander and a few contacts. "Oh, he's anti makeup. There's a prophecy about someone wearing a lot of makeup taking him out at the height of his power." She put the phone down. "So we should probably avoid some others going there too."

"If it'd freak him out...." Buffy offered.

"I doubt the amount of makeup you wear would," Giles told her.

The other watcher looked at her. "Yours is usually tasteful. Unlike some of the girls' application of paint with a roller. Can you correct that?"

"I have been. All young girls go through that stage. I've taken them to Sephora to have them taught how to put it on the right way. Which reminds me, I need to pick up more setting spray soon. My makeup runs so much when I'm sweaty during a fight." She made herself that note too.

Giles and the other watcher shook their heads. Buffy had a unique way of seeing things and they could ignore this version.

***

Xander looked up from his seat in the corner of the bar, nodding at the young guy standing there. "Hey." He sipped his beer. "If you're flirting, go ahead, I'm open to it."

"Not here for that, Mr. Harris." He sat down. "Someone sent me to ask a few questions about that vision."

"Sure. Go ahead." He nodded slightly as he took another drink.

"Is it certain?"

"I think we've sidestepped it. That sorcerer apparently has a thing against makeup due to a prophecy. Seeing it there set off his anger and paranoia that they were going to take him out as he nicely let some of his people flee his ways."

"So the sorcerer is letting them flee?"

"Yes and no. He doesn't like that they're fleeing, he thinks he's better than he is to them. He's a dictator who's only torturing them mildly so doesn't see that as so bad. He's aware they want to flee and why and when so he'll let them go and remind them as they're fleeing they don't have to go. The vision had him telling them that from the portal behind them. Then he spotted the makeup."

"Ah." He nodded. "That makes more sense I guess."

"The prophecy said someone with a lot of make up would take him out at the height of his power. He's still gathering it."

"Oh. Okay, so he's a bit cranked."

"Yeah, but most dictators are." He shrugged. "Most of them hate me like hell anyway. I usually blow a kiss and smile then walk off flirting with one of their guards. Pisses them all off."

"Yeah, I can see that." He stared at him. "Do you usually think out loud?"

"No but when I'm in the US I do so the agents don't have to stalk me as hard. I'm saving them the work and me aggravation by telling them what I'm doing so they can leave me alone."

"I didn't even think about that." He considered that idea. "That actually makes sense." Xander grinned. "Do you do that anywhere else?"

"No. England's are more subtle and used to the Council so they're more video surveillance than in personal following around. Or I've picked up one of my fun times and they're letting that one handle anything too big. They know I'd tell them about huge issues I'm there to handle. The US is more paranoid about that."

"True. I hadn't thought about that."

"Or if you have some minions who can do the work, we're hiring watchers for the younger girls. It's a lot of learning different species but it's also protecting her and other girls doing the hard work they wanted to do in a caped way." He finished his beer with a grin.

"I'll let a few know. Them and the villain minions would do good at that sort of work, wouldn't they?"

"Yeah." He smirked a bit. "Plus a lot of the girls like them a bit dangerous and deadly. Buffy's part of the slayer spirit taught them that. We'd expect anyone who was seriously with one of the girls to become their watcher so that's helpful to them too. The only unmarried one that has a personal watcher is Buffy and that's because she kept Giles when the Council fired him originally."

"Huh. Yeah, that's a good idea and I'll let the others I know who could do the work know."

Xander grinned. "A lot of it isn't battles. It's patrols with staking sometimes but a lot of it is downtime waiting on things to happen. Minions on each side would be used to a set schedule for patrols. And battles if they happened again."

"Very good point. Yeah, I'll let some I know think about it." He smiled. "You didn't talk to any of the heros in town?"

"The healers said they knew someone related so they'd tell him. Also, you guys don't have a club to hang out at like the underbelly of the city does. I'm used to those areas. I play kitten poker in a few of them in my usual turf in Africa." He grinned. "They're still mad I'm here instead of there. One wanted to win back his favorite gun again."

The young guy just shook his head quickly. "That's weird."

"Weird is that I won against a love goddess and she's furious that I'm owed a boon now." He grinned. "She thinks I'm going to use it to set up a slayer against her will to protect her. I won't. I'll probably use it to get someone who really wants it married against their family's will. That's a developing situation though."

The young guy just nodded. "You live a really wild and weird life."

"Yeah but not everyone can do that. Though many more could if they wanted to."

"So you went from military to swords?"

"No, I jumped in during tenth grade. I went from high school to swords." He smirked a bit. "The only military experience I have is from a possession and helping take down a really bad idea in progress."

"Oh." He blinked a few times. "I didn't ...high school?"

"We don't allow that now but back then we had one slayer and she was called at sixteen. I wasn't about to let one little girl save humanity by herself. Especially since she's kinda an airhead."

"Okay."

"So I stayed." He shrugged but smirked again. "We all have our reasons to jump into this life. Be it good or bad or middle of the road. I had my reason in tenth grade. You're obviously about college aged, nearly."

"Hey!" he complained but was grinning.

"I deal with a lot of teenagers. You're clearly about seventeen, dude."

"True. Just about eighteen." He stared at him. "Are the girls nice?"

"Depends on the girl. Depends on the day too. Like everyone they have bad days. Some of them are really nice. A few of those are too nice and we've discouraged them from going on patrol. It'd eat them. They're still called slayers but we don't think they'd last as even battle team members without it eating them."

That got a nod and less of a smile. "The girls are allowed to choose who they want to be. If that's a slayer then it is. If that's a part-timer that's fine too. If not, that's just as fine. We're still there if they need us and they're all trained in self defense in case they need to handle something at home."

"That makes good sense. Not everyone should be on that field."

Xander nodded. "Very true. And when they want to retire we agree that's for the best. We give them every opportunity to be healthy, happyish young women. We just need more watchers to help with that. Right now we have under a hundred and only seven of us do things."

"I'm going to talk to a few who may like that job." He shook his hand. "Let me talk to others. Is it soon?"

"Not sure. That depends on when they can finish paying for the portal to be made and who has enough energy. I'm guessing we're looking at week three or four instead of the earliest possible dates."

"That's tactical. Thank you, Mr. Harris."

"Welcome, kid." The guy snorted but walked off looking happier. Xander got another beer and went onto the floor. The kid knew what burnout was and how the job ate you. He didn't have to warn the kid against that.

The young guy went back to the heros meeting in the manor house's dining room. He nodded at them, letting them have the listening device so they could hear the tape.

Superman grimaced. "He really is bordering on anti-hero."

"He is," Batman agreed with a nod. "He's strong though. He deals with teenagers all day long."

"True." The teens in the room glared at them. "So we may have sidestepped that problem with the clowns." That got a nod. "Going to the Joker was ballsy."

"He was overheard saying that the Joker wasn't as bad as Rosenburg and Summers after a week of finals with too much caffeine," Batman said dryly. "I'd hate to tell him that because he might try to find out. Did you not ask where?"

"The original notes had it in two possible points due to the energy available there." He pointed at them in the notes.

"That's not a bad place. Both pretty open. There's a third but it's inside a museum so not as practical of a place to put a portal and fleeing moment."

"I agree with him about dictators having that blind spot about how bad they are," Superman said, handing the notes on. "We're going to hover nearby just in case?" Batman nodded at that. "Could we close the portal before that army shows up?"

"No one's sure how to close a portal like that. Even Dr. Fate. He said it'd probably backlash on that side and kill the person helping people flee. Someone like Rosenburg might but he's not sure what that type of magic can do."

"Great." He nodded at that. "Do we have someone who can? Zantana?"

"She's confused by Rosenburg. Constantine too when I called to ask him about that. He said he'd ask around about ending the portal without doing more harm to the ones helping people escape."

"Has Harris been checking the sites?"

"He walks past them each a few times a day right now. He goes one direction for one meal, the other for another. Closer to time he'll probably hang out there instead of his usual stroll around the park talking to his girls who're all complaining. Or the one with the colicky baby."

"I've heard about that from others who have kids," Superman said. "Sounds tiring." Batman nodded he had too. "How can we best help?"

"Be on hand for the event just in case."

"Harris did have a point that we all know hero wannabes who would never make it in the life, and some of the lighter side of villains," the young guy said. "That they may make good watcher candidates."

"They could," Batman said with a nod. "He's very right about that. I know a few I'm going to suggest it to." He looked at one of his trainees, who glared back. "Not suggesting you but your buddy?"

"He'd make a kick ass watcher. So do assassins. The last six they've hired have all come from assassin families. So they're good with blade work or other fighting skills and can memorize really well."

"I hadn't thought about that but I'll see if Talia might know of one," Batman admitted, nodding a bit at that idea. "They do keep the girls being young women instead of warriors. It's good to see."

"The old Council wasn't that great," Superman said. "The new one I like a lot more. Still freaks me out though."

The glaring one smirked at them. "Harris gave the local demon council information on some of the ones he's met in Africa. Including a few gods." He handed down the USB key drive. "I asked and they copied it for me."

Batman stood up to run it so they could see it. He sat down, adjusting his chair. "That's an arms dealer."

"That's his poker circuit apparently." He pointed. "That one in the veil showed up here to give him a cookie."

Superman blinked a few times at how they were talking to them. "They're literal Gods?"

"Yes. Like literal Gods." He looked at Batman. "We should show Wonder Woman."

"We should." Superman nodded, going to call and pick her up to fly her over. She wasn't that far away. The bigger hitters were local to help with that portal situation if they had to.

She settled in to watch over that with them. The rest had gotten a snack while they waited. She accepted her cup of tea with a smile for Alfred. "Thank you."

"Alfred, do you know anything about them?" Batman asked.

"Like your colleague said, I much prefer the modern version than the last one. The current one is very helpful to the girls. They treat them sensibly. They let them do teenage girl things. Some were bragging about their prom gowns online." That got a smile and a nod from Batman. "A few have even been noted to get down and funky in the clubs when they're not hunting.

"They, like you all, have an identity that means they sometimes have nighttime problems." He left, going back to check on the housemother there. He had shared a few recipes with the young boy. He wasn't a butler by any means but turning into a good housemother definitely. Even though he did have the urge to sometimes ruin the girls to bring down egos. That could be done more subtly. He had done it to Bruce many times.

Batman looked at Wonder Woman. "I'd have to ask one of mine if they know of those ones but they seem to be at least reasonably decent beings to the locals."

"What would a love goddess do?" Superman asked.

"The flipside of love is war," Wonder Woman reminded him. "And I'm sure they've had to fight before. Also, there's many ways to befuddle people's minds with lust if you can encourage or enforce it."

"I didn't think about that." He considered it then shook his head quickly. "They could probably defend themselves at least."

"Hopefully or have guards that could," Batman agreed. "I'm more worried about magic counteracting something in town. Or drawing it here."

"I'm fairly certain the Council will have a witch show up once they hear it's going on," Wonder Woman said. That got a mass nod. They'd all do that. "I'm hoping it's one who can stop things if necessary."

"Would your warriors make good watcher candidates?" Superman asked.

"No. We're warriors. While I appreciate the viewpoint of their duty not being their full life, ours are trained to be warriors until we fall too hard or retire. They keep a much more normal life than ours do. We'd end up pushing them toward our way, which could upset their ways. I believe they make a good point for warriors not only being warriors, but it is not our way."

"Could someone like Shazam help them?" Batman asked.

She raised an eyebrow. "He may get along very well with the mass of girls. I don't think he could handle being a watcher but backing them up he may be able to do. Though I'm not sure if he'd be as helpful at lesser battles. Things like the invasion in LA he would've been helpful at."

"Some of those are videos of some of his battles," the younger guy said.

They ran one of those and she winced. "That is heinous." They kept going and Xander actually said a loud prayer for help and got a love goddess there who messed up the invading ones very badly.

"So that's what a love goddess can do in a battle," Superman muttered, shifting in his seat.

On the video the goddess was nagging him so he pointed and said they were her priestesses who were under coercion and helping them. That she should be the one to grab them, which was what he had prayed for her to do. She looked and sighed, going to free them and giving them all hugs as they got free of the spells on them.

She took them back with her, patting Harris on the head as they walked past him. One of the priestesses grinned and kissed him on the cheek. Once they were gone, the regional military that was helping defend the area looked at Harris, who shrugged. Harris noted they could easily go back home instead of dying here. A few did take that hint and their breeding frenzy home. The rest...the military handled.

Wonder Woman just blinked a few times. "That was an unusual battle but what I'd expect from demons trying to invade."

"It was nice she didn't punish her people for being under coercion," Batman said.

Superman just nodded. "Remind me to not piss off a love goddess?" They smiled and nodded. "Which one was that?"

"Amri."

"Oh, okay. Is she also local?"

"No clue," Wonder Woman admitted but was smiling. "I know I've seen a shrine to a battle goddess recently. I wasn't sure if they were talking about the slayers or some other one."

Batman looked at her. "Here?"

"Home."

"Ah." He nodded once. "We can see. If so, we'll make sure it's not a target." He ran the next poker film. Wonder Woman spluttered at the sight of Ares playing, and losing, to an arms dealer but he only lost a dagger. Then Harris came in and won the dagger, which Ares growled about. Xander asked if he wanted ear pets. Ares huffed but they went back to it.

When Ares cheated to win it back Xander let him but was smirking a bit and pointed out being caught cheating was a good way to owe a favor. Then he won the next one by subtly cheating and grinning at the one who called him on it. He handed over a slip of paper. "Here, a minion. Have him. Please."

The guy looked and moaned, thanked Harris, and went to find his new minion to train him better. His place was taken by a goddess wearing a leather catsuit who had cat ears. Xander handed her his beer, getting a nod. No one said her name, even Ares, but he looked mildly amused at her. Batman took a picture of her for someone's amusement once he looked her up.

When a bar brawl among the normal demons broke out that woman stood up and growled loudly. They stopped and took it outside. So clearly she was a feared being. Ares just smiled a bit at that move. She got back to the game, winning against Xander, who pouted but said he'd gladly come clean her garden for her again if she wanted him to fight the spiny plants again.

She agreed he could do that instead of the battle the next day. She'd handle it. She needed to work out. That battle was cut into the end. She handled it mostly on her own. She got horribly injured but was happy with that when she was walked off the field. She also blew a kiss back at the evil one who fell down and begged for mercy. Which she said she didn't have.

Ares walked out to behead him for her then nagged her about being out of practice. She flapped a hand and went to get healed she said. Clearly she was not displeased. Then Ares got to nag Xander about not handling it for her. Xander told him she had it, she had wanted to handle it and had argued with him about handling her ex-boyfriend's attempt at taking out this planet, and the girls were all getting film of it so they could stare in awe at her skills.

Then he walked off shaking his head and pointing out there was an ascension tomorrow and he could use the help but Ares fled from that one. That was cut in at the end, showing Ares scowling at the giant demon worm who wouldn't die by his sword or weapons. Or anything else he had on hand. Then one of the African heros showed up and Ares sent him away before he could try because he was worthless for this battle.

Xander showed up in his truck with artillery, getting the thing that Ares had managed to trap at least. The head came off, it died. Ares huffed and said he needed to win more artillery then left after Xander thanked him for filling in. That's when they noticed the kid in the truck watching what was going on. He let her come over to stare at the thing and ask questions. Then she ran back to the truck and called her mom to tell her about it and how she had won the go fish game to be able to watch it.

Superman nodded once. "He doesn't win at go fish."

"He is taking artillery out of the sales circuit," Batman noted.

Wonder Woman nodded. "I'd rather he have it for the girls' use than others like Ares have it." She got up to get more tea, making Alfred smile at her and pour her some. "Thank you, Alfred." She went back out there.

Batman looked at the others. "They're very unique beings with a hard job."

"I can see why they take the time for fun," one of the younger teens said.

The other kids nodded. "We should do that too." They left to go hang out in town and see what was going on among the normal people. The senior heros snorted in amusement but that was fine with them. They had plans to make in case that vision wasn't averted. Or happened later.

***

Xander was at that same club when he noticed a familiar figure. He walked over there to dance behind her. "You should not be in this town, it's too dangerous," he said in her ear, making her shrug him off her back. He grinned at her. "Should've worn the leather, Faith."

"B demanded me to be a wingman in case some of them are her type."

"I've talked a few into becoming watcher trainees." He pulled her closer to dance with her. "This bar's pretty mild. Bit dark but mostly borderline people."

"Good." She nodded. "I didn't want somewhere dirty tonight."

"There's a lot of that locally."

"B wants a new boytoy to ruin. One she can't stake."

"I'll see if I can introduce her to a few who can find her one." He winked and turned to punch someone over that agent's shoulder, making her flinch. "Here. Come dance with us," he said, pulling her closer. Faith snickered at that. "Agent Belinda, this is Faith."

"Lehane," she said with a nod. "Here in case?"

"B wanted to adopt a bad boy."

"I can show her to the right bars for that," the agent quipped. "Thanks, Harris. That's my husband though."

He looked down at her. "You married a creep?"

"He changed."

"Change him back. Electroshock therapy may work." She giggled at that, going to talk to her husband about that. He shrugged at Faith's look. "She's nice enough."

"She seems like your sort, X." She grinned, letting herself be taken from Xander by someone who was a bit sweaty but trying for handsome. She was aware enough that no one got to try her beyond a few pinches to the ass. One shifted her stake holder but spotted it and left it and her there.

Xander went to get a drink and find his own fun tonight. Faith would be fine and she was a big girl.

***

Buffy was at another club teasing a guy who a few years younger than she was. She was in the mood tonight. It was like the air here made her want to be a naughty slayer. Junior thug was hot on the floor and she could move with the best of them. She turned down the drink but got some water and went back to it. He didn't care when he found her thigh holster for her protection dagger so that was great news for her dating life.

The guy grabbed his phone when it vibrated, looking at the text message. Huh. He looked at the picture then at her. He sent back that wasn't her. He knew who this was from those tapes. He put his phone back in his pocket then pulled her closer. "My work boss thinking you're a bad girl, Summers."

She grinned. "I thought I was more stealthy than that."

"I'm a bit connected to some info people."

She pinched him on the cheek. "I don't usually go for younger but you're adorable. And I'm only here just in case and to pick up a new toy to play with." She looked him over.

"I'm not that mean, ma'am," he quipped. "I know a few though."

"Introduce me?" She grinned sweetly. "It'd be great."

"I can do that." The club's doors blew in. "Fuck!"

She looked. "Here?" she quipped. "Is this really the time for that?"

One of the idiots stomped over. "Do you want to die?" he demanded, pointing a gun at her.

She shrugged. "I'll get to hug my mother again. Besides, it'll be like the fourth time. They're probably tired of me showing up that way." He backed up in shock and she kicked him with a leg sweep, taking him down. "You know, everyone underestimates the pretty ones." She smirked at him. "I'm the nice one but *really*."

He got away from her looking horrified. His thug friends stared so she wiggled her fingers with a grin. "Hey, people!" They ran from her. "Wow, what wooses!" She looked at the young guy. "I deserve a burger for that. I missed lunch." She walked off. "Show me the good burger places?"

"Yeah, I can do that," he said, following her. His phone had alerted the team, they could hear everything. He asked her about that so she told him about how she had died the last time, during an apocalypse but someone had zapped her back to life without magic. He noticed a few of the peaceful demons staring. "She's not here for you," he called.

Buffy looked then grinned and waved. "I'm here to date, not to work," she called. "Unless Xander needs us to."

The demons nodded and spread that around. Some nicer yet still dangerous guys got introduced to the head slayer. Mostly on the lighter side so Harris didn't have to warn anyone off.

The young guy, Robin, he was taking mental notes for a report later. She was pretty well acting like a society airhead chick. She saved humanity? Really? Bruce was going to be groaning for months about her.

***

Buffy walked around the society event a few nights later looking as fantastic as she usually did, smiling at the people smiling at her. She stopped by the matriarch of the local community, the one the party was thrown for since she had finally had a cub after years of trying. She smiled at the kid. "You're more adorable than Samia's little screaming heathen," she cooed. "And you're not yelling like that one does. You're so sweet."

She smiled at the mother. "It's adorable! And so much nicer and happier than Samia's kids." The matriarch smiled at that, nodding slightly. "I hope it's a healthy little one who does great things for people. If you need me while I'm here let me know. Or let Xander know." She strolled off again to get a new glass of ice water.

The matriarch looked at her breeding partner. "Isn't that Summers?" she hissed. He nodded. "That's sweet of her." She smiled at the child. "You are less loud than Slayer Samia's daughter." Someone kicked in a door, making her wince and pick up the baby to guard.

"Make me put down the food," Buffy called. "And call Xander!"

"No need ta call," Faith called from her corner. She strolled over, looking at the people there. "Howdy."

"Who're you?" they demanded.

"Slayer Faith. Second highest slayer in the Council." She smirked. "This is of course our head slayer, Buffy." She waved a hand at her.

Xander walked up behind them and tapped them on the shoulder. "Should I have to introduce myself too?" They flinched and stared at him. "Go. The. Fuck. Away. Before I pull out weapons and make a mess." He grinned sweetly. "It's been *days* since I had to make a mess." They fled from him.

"Bye! Have a good jog! Watch out for foggy spots that might be hiding potholes!" He waved at their backs. "Wow, what absolute morons!" He walked over to the hostess, smiling and bowing to her. "Matriarch, I bring glad tidings from a few in my poker circuit on your wiggly one there."

He handed over the scroll, watching as it made her hand glow then the baby glow and coo. He grinned. "Goddess Amitra sends her blessings on your child to be happy, healthy, and not one of hers." He handed over another. "And Amri said the child will be a happy, healthy baby if she could make it so."

The mother sniffled. "That's a nice blessing, Watcher Harris. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Wiggly ones are important. Especially wanted ones." He patted the baby on the foot. "You're a good wiggly one." He walked off to go flirt with some of the ones in the room.

She sat down to read those letters of greeting for the baby. She let her breeding mate see them and sniffle too. It was a great gift to her that they adored her having her child.

Buffy looked at Xander. "You own a suit?"

"I rented one earlier," he quipped with a smirk. "Didn't that dress have a back to it, Buffy?"

"No." She smiled. "Sometimes they don't." He went to flirt some more while she went to chat with others in the room. Now that their covers were blown.

Xander looked at a worried looking guard. "Buffy came to flirt, not help handle the refugee thing that got me sent. She's really looking for someone unstakeable but as good as Spike."

"That's a big list but we have a few around here who may appeal to her."

"Please, introduce her," Faith quipped as she walked past them. "She dragged me as a wingman."

Xander grinned at that. "That figures."

The guard nodded. "If I can I'll introduce some to her. We'd all like her to be happy and Rosenburg with her."

Xander nodded. "She's probably not going to date," he said quietly. "She's off dating since Kennedy died." That got a nod of understanding. "Though, she could use it. Before she adopts more pets."

"Giles said she can't," Buffy quipped as she joined them. "She's got two cats, that's enough." Xander looked at her. "She lost the other two. They escaped the house and we couldn't find them. Or someone used them as poker payments, not real sure." She grimaced. "She said sometimes she's a bit...off."

"Yeah, sometimes she was. She's just like that." He patted her on the arm. "Are you cold to suffer for being beautiful?"

"Yup, I am." She let him give her his jacket for now. "Thanks, Xander."

"Welcome." He looked at the guard again. "I know she's seen a few of the heroic sorts."

"He was cute but younger than me," she sighed. "I almost felt like a cougar." Someone came to the door so she nudged him. "Know him?"

He looked then nodded. "That's Helga's head guard." He strolled over. "Honorable one," he said with a nod.

"I bring greetings to the egg." Xander led him over so he could present it. "My princess Haiga sends her greetings on the child," he said with a smile, handing over the letter.

She looked at it. "Tell her it's most gracious and thank her for me."

"I shall." He looked at the baby. "It looks comfortable and soothing. May it always have those traits, ma'am." He bowed again and left.

Xander grinned. "That baby's going to be one spoiled one."

She smiled. "I'll make sure they grow up worthy of that, Watcher Harris."

"You're said to be a great mom and matriarch so of course you will. You couldn't do anything else but that. But if they get colic, ask. I seem to know a lot about it thanks to Samia's spawn of wailing." She giggled but nodded so he left her to rest some more.

Buffy looked at him. "I almost expected her to have someone magic the baby to you."

"Half the minis are with her right now and Grandma stepped in to give her a few hours of napping time. They're all learning how to handle a baby for later kids in the families. Plus letting grandma teach them stuff like how to make dinner. She said Samia learned well enough."

Buffy looked at him. "I'm still shocked you're not wearing a mini somehow."

"Don't tempt them! They might miss me and get lost. Then I'd have to help rebuild the city after I rip it apart to find her tiny ass."

"Point. That would be a mess and she might be bruised."

"With some of the badder side in this town?" he asked. "Maybe more." He shrugged at her look. "That's why I said not to sit a slayer here or to send your pretty butt. It's not safe."

Faith nodded as she came back. "It's not."

Buffy sighed. "But it has people like us. Even normal people who do big stuff. Right?" she asked Xander.

"Yeah, it does. And most of them need therapy, just like we do." He grinned.

She snorted. "Too late. I'm too old for that." She walked off to get a new drink.

Xander shook his head, looking at Faith. "Don't give me that look," Faith ordered but smiled. "She's the one in charge."

"I know," he agreed, going to grab his jacket and stop the next one coming in. He could hear the fighting starting. He stood in the door, putting on his jacket. "This is a happy welcoming event for a new child," he said loudly. "It is a peaceful event or I'll blow up the ones who aren't." The heros stared at him. He stared back. "I'm not letting *anyone* touch that kid. I don't give a damn what your problem is or how expensive your therapist is, you're not touching that kid or their family."

"Non gendered?" one of the heros asked.

"They don't grow a gender until they hit puberty. You can guess sometimes but not always." He looked at the others. "Are you here to be peacefully nice and greet the child that was fought so hard to be?"

"We were handling the protest outside," that same hero said, moving forward. "I'd never hurt a kid."

Xander looked at him. "Thank you for telling me that but I know who you are." He shrugged. "I looked everyone of note up. You were included." The guy grinned at that. He looked at Wonder Woman.

"I also would never harm a woman or her child, Watcher Harris."

Xander nodded, getting out of the way. "Had to be stated anyway with the fighting going on."

"It did," she agreed. "My mother did much the same. You are a fierce warrior like she is."

He looked at her. "Your mother's a queen. I don't have that sort of class, ma'am." He grinned. "But thank you." She smirked, walking inside to give the new mother her people's greetings on the child then leaving them alone. The others did the same. Xander nodded at one and handed him something. "The council in your town is there," he said quietly. "Pay respects there and make friends. They're pretty isolated because a lot of people think they're too weird. Just watch out for snot being blown in greeting."

"I can do that," Shazam said. He told the others outside. They had to deal with a few more thugs trying something. Xander came out with a sigh. "We have it."

Xander waved a hand and threw out a few gas grenades. "Dudes, really? Are you worse than a battle in the rain with a sword? Especially a naked one?" They fled from him. "Thanks!" He grinned and waved at their backs. He walked off shaking his head with a sigh. "I need to bring them to the next real battle, see who's a useable minion. Maybe I'll make a battle unit for myself out of the ones who make it."

Wonder Woman looked at him. Then shook her head. "You are not a warlord, Watcher Harris."

He shot her a grin. "No but some days it doesn't seem like a bad career choice. Then I go play poker with my buddies and they remind me of why I do things." He heard something start and moved. "MOVE!" They did and the laser didn't hit anyone. Batman hit the guy into a building and he stopped firing. "Thanks." He went back inside.

Buffy strolled out, lifting her skirt to go down the stairs. "Well," she said, looking around. "Mess up the dress, I dare you," she called. She smiled at Wonder Woman. "It's great to meet strong women warriors." She held out a hand. "Buffy Summers."

She smiled and shook it. "Wonder Woman, Slayer Summers." Buffy grinned at that. "Are you in for the refugee moment?"

"Not really. We don't think it's necessary. Like Xander, I'm having a slight vacay, hoping to find a new boyfriend, and if it happens we'll solve it. Giles wanted a second opinion on putting a full time slayer here."

Batman looked at her oddly. "I don't think we have much for them to handle. We have almost no vampires. Most of the problems are human in nature."

She nodded. "We've told him but it's still a vacay for us and I'm hoping maybe one of the minions would be a good boyfriend for me or one of the other slayers. It's hard to find a good man who understands," she told Wonder Woman, who nodded.

"I need a good one who'll understand the job and so do most of us. We were hoping minions might make the cut." She strolled off. "I'm going back to the hotel before I get this dress dirty." She patted Shazam on the arm. "You're fine. Quit gaping, dude. I'm pretty and mystically chosen but not the only one." She smiled at him as she walked past him.

"Leave him alone," Xander called. "He's not your type, he's nice."

"Fine!"

"Thank you, Buffy." He waved. Faith was giggling as she followed Buffy back to keep them out of trouble.

Batman looked at Xander, who shrugged. "I told him it to was too dangerous for a slayer to be here."

"Thank you."

"Not a problem. Willow would show up to help redecorate if we did. You'd have a lot more flowers." He went back inside to guard the baby some more. He had volunteered, he had to do it the whole night, and he knew that. The mother looked at him. "What? I said I'd guard the baby tonight so others could have a happy moment." He grinned. "Buffy went back to the hotel after flirting."

She nodded. "That's nice of her. And you, Watcher Harris."

He smirked. "Now I remember why I don't take vacations." She giggled at that. "I get bored and there's no poker circuit here." He went back to guarding the baby.

The heros shared a look then went to talk about all that. Well, Batman went to angst and swear at any higher power listening that he may have to watch over a slayer as well, but the rest of them went to talk and discuss all that.

***

Buffy was sipping a coffee drink of some kind with too much whipped cream in the park when Xander strolled past her talking to Samia. "This the right park, Xander?"

"No. But it's got the nicer path and no muggers. The small one up the block," he said with a point. "Yes, Buffy's here, Samia. She's trying to pick up someone unstakeable for a change."

"Hey!" Buffy complained, getting up to snatch the phone. "They have heroic guys here who do the same sort of job," she quipped in greeting. Xander went back to his walk. "Sure it's dangerous but after Sunnydale, everything's just blah to me." She listened to her and the kid in the background complaining loudly about something. "Which mini is that?" She listened. "You have sisters?"

"Yes, they're in the snotty cow opinion stage," Xander quipped before he got too far away.

Buffy laughed and repeated that. Samia agreed and told the sisters they were being bratty, she was talking to Buffy. "How's the wailing heathen?" She listened the nodded. "That's great though, right? I know, but if it stops all the screaming... No, I'm not taking notes. I can't have kids, Samia. Only twenty percent of us can or want to, I'm in the can't group.

"No, I had Willow do a spell actually. So much easier." She smiled. "That's great news. Are you going to marry the daddy of both spawns?" She giggled. "That's cool. No, I quipped last night that I was shocked Xander wasn't walking your heathen while we were greeting the matriarch's new baby. She had been trying for years and finally had one.

"It's a great, quiet, cooing little one. I know, they all start that way. Then they get colic apparently." She relaxed, sipping her coffee slushie with whipped cream. "No, we're scoping the parks where it may happen for hazards and I'm scoping hotties jogging around the park.

"Yeah, it's a good vacay and Xander's so relaxed he got bored. Yeah, that state. Sure. Let us know if you need us for something. Xander should be able to get back within a few weeks. Anything big going on? I can help you shop for that. Video call when you're shopping and I can help by being all tasteful like Mom would want me to be."

She grinned. "Great news and tell her we said congrats and I'll have Giles write out a formal one later. Sure, Samia. I hear the heathen screaming. Have fun." She hung up and texted Giles, adding it was her at the end. That way he could send formal congratulations for the upcoming marriage of some goddess' second son. Xander came back around. "Someone named Hilah is marrying off her second son."

He grimaced. "That's going to be a loud party if he can't escape. But I'll send my official congrats and a tasteful present of an escape kit in case he needs it." She gave him a funny look. "He's collared during the ceremony. His girlfriend treats him like a dog already. I figure it's sweet and protective." He grinned, taking the phone she held up. "Anyone else call?"

"Not that I saw. I sent Giles a text telling him about the wedding. Samia thinks she may be pregnant again. She said her dog is very protective of her stomach again."

He nodded. "Yeah, dogs can do that. So can cats."

"Did you have Willow do the infertility spell?"

"Let is a strong word to use in that sense," he said dryly. "I didn't *let* her do anything like that." She winced. "Though I was probably infertile due to the mermaid taint anyway." He shrugged. "Wanna go see that park?"

"Sure." She got up and went with him to look at it. "This one's gloomy."

"It has muggers."

"Ah." She nodded, looking around the area. "Any idea where it'd start?" He pointed. "That's a nicely open area."

"The fountain has an energy trace that flows this way by the sensing crystals I have."

"Charming." She texted Faith from her own phone, getting her. "How's that park look?"

"Like we should unleash the minis on it to make it more cheery and park like," she admitted.

"Gotham seems to have a lot of that," Xander quipped. "And spots with steam at night." The girls shook their heads at that. "But hey, if it's not dangerous...." He grinned. "But that could just be me missing my chaotic moments."

Buffy pinched him on the arm. "Go find a good date then."

"Had a few. They were nice. Decent. Agents. Giles complained." The girls sighed at that. "Their agencies complained to Giles. I told him they probably hired them for being dangerous and deadly sorts." He shrugged but grinned. "You know, there's got to be a coven nearby and I haven't looked."

The slayers looked at each other then looked on their phones, Buffy sending a few texts to the coven in England. They didn't like Faith or Xander. "They have a shop," Buffy said. "We can go greet them and tell them we're not here to interfere but the coven HP said we could offer them flower seeds since the town's so gloomy."

"Go for it. They probably won't like me. Since I haven't seen one they're probably avoiding me." He grinned.

"Well you are full of weird energies," Buffy quipped back. Faith nodded, going with her.

Xander went to the gym to workout. He hadn't had to build or lift anything heavy in a few days.

One of the guys in there looked at him as he was lifting. "Why do you side-lift that way?"

"That's how I haul artillery. I lift it to here, then up onto my shoulder." He did that with a small grunt. "Then I carry it around until I can fire it. Then I carefully put it down so someone can maybe refill it for me." He did that and straightened up with a grin. "It saves my back to do it that way."

"Oh." He nodded, coming over to try that. He winced at the weight. "That didn't seem that heavy."

"Sorry, had some team lifting weapons instead of single user ones recently. It's also tilted toward the back since most of mine are." He helped the guy take off a few weights and try it his way.

"That does work the love handles," he praised. "And arms." He put down the weight, letting Xander reload it for himself. "Just five pounds?"

"Usually they're fairly well balanced but vehicle mounted ones tend to be a bit backside heavy. Since they won't fit on my truck I've had to steady them and get used to the heavier weight on the shooting end." He did a few more then winced and put it down. He sucked in a breath, stretched and did it another five times.

He put them back down and went to the leg machine once the weights were back in the rack. "Let's see, lots of walking so sixty pounds," he decided, setting it for that, and sitting down so he could use the leg press system. "I need to bring a book when I do this," he decided, making the other guy laugh.

He did a good fifty reps there then went to bike but he wasn't as used to that so switched to the treadmill, getting lost in the motion until the guy nudged him. "Oh, hey, twenty miles! Less than some days when the truck broke but good!" He grinned and went back to lifting things.

"So what do you do? New in town?"

"In on vacay and maybe a problem but I'm the Watcher in Africa." He grinned. "Training and handling things for the minis."

"Wow. No wonder you use artillery. We're having one?"

"We're having a refugee moment and we're hoping no one steps in to make that worse." That got a nod. "But we've warned everyone so it should be okay and peaceful."

"That's always better, yeah." He watched Xander lift the regular weights. "You're off center to the left."

Xander checked his stance and shifted to do it more evenly. "Thanks, dude."

"Welcome." He went back to his own lifting.

Xander's phone rang and he carefully put down the weight before answering it. "Yeah? No I'm not anywhere there, General Pierce. I'm in the US helping with a future refugee thing in a few weeks and having a slight vacation while waiting on it to happen." He listened. "No, Samia's at home but she's got a few of the minis there with her while I'm over here to let them learn about baby things.

"Yeah, the spawn still has colic," he said, leaning on the weight rack until someone came over. "If I was closer I would go to that meeting but you can ask Hillary. She's in Egypt or should be near there this week by her usual route. Or I can suggest Buffy or Faith travel from here over there if it'd help more." He grinned.

"I thought they might not like that. If I could get popped there and back I would. You can ask Samia. The minis could use a learning field trip I guess. Just make sure she's okay because she thinks she may be pregnant again. Thanks, General. Yup, few weeks probably.

"We're barely into the window when it could open. No, refugees. I'm hoping it's not like that one but there's always hope. Thanks, man." He hung up, texting Samia to let her know about that offer. Plus that she could bring the minis as a field trip. She complained back and suddenly a wailing little being appeared. Xander sighed, picking her up to stare at her. "Hey!" She sniffled, staring at him.

"Did your mommy's idiot sister send you all the way here?" The baby sniffled again. "I know, it sucks, your tummy hurts. Calm it down. Help Uncle Xander lift some weights, then we'll go get something that you shouldn't eat that'll make you fart, okay?" He put the baby down next to him and went back to his lifting, shaking his head.

The baby made noise at the guy staring at him. "One of my slayer's kid but she has epic colic. Has for four months." He kept doing his reps until he was done then took the baby with him back to the hotel to shower, change, then get them some mexican food. It made him gassy, it should help her fart to cure her gassiness.

The guy called that in to his team leader and got back to his own workout.

***

Faith sat down, staring at the cooing baby. "She's not wailing?"

"She farted so hard I had to change the diaper because it was nearly holed," Xander said dryly with a grin. "Refried beans work well for babies."

"Ah." Faith just nodded. "It's weird seeing you with a kid."

"She's a pretty good kid." He looked at her because she had belched. He patted her on the head. "You're good." She stuffed some more beans into her hand then sucked on it. "Nice work, Kimberly." He looked at Faith again. "I guess I'm going to hang out and watch tv this afternoon."

"Probably a good idea. The town's too dangerous for a kid that young."

He nodded. "It is." An officer came in and over to them. "Yeah?"

"Sir, where did the baby come from?"

"Africa. My slayer Samia's daughter. She's got colic and I've spent a lot of time walking her because of it." The baby belched and laughed at them. "Exactly," he told her, wiping her mouth off. "Swallow, don't drool it out." He looked at the officer. "Samia's sister is an idiot witchling with *ideas* about being important. The baby appeared while I was working out earlier so I'm doing what I usually do, curing her colic." He ate a bite of empanada.

"That's almost reasonable," the officer said. "Does this happen often?"

"Yeah." Xander nodded with a grin. "I've been in a battle and had the baby show up. Samia handed her over as she stomped over to take the postpartum stress out on a battle. I've spent a lot of time fussing over Kimberly here."

"She's got an American name?"

"Named after where her parents met, in Kimberly, South Africa."

"Oh, I didn't know that."

"Diamond mines there," Faith said. She looked at the happy kid. "Why can't her mom do that?"

"Her mom likes spicy stuff and it's gotten through her breast milk so Kimberly always has colic from the spices. We put her on formula for a bit and it quit. Mom's a bit stubborn."

"She gets it from the slayer calling, the same as we all do," Faith quipped. The baby reached for her so she let her have her hand to play with. "That washes easier than the shirt."

The officer shook his head. "Is that a good baby food?"

"It's refried beans," Xander said. "I asked the grandmotherly person behind the counter and she said her kids ate it."

"Fine." He nodded. "We'll make sure the ones watching you know that you have the kid for now."

"Sure. I was going to stay in this afternoon to make sure she was safe."

Faith stared at him. "You're watching him that hard?"

"We don't know when that portal will open so when he reacts, we'll call it in and show up too."

"Good idea," Faith admitted with a nod. "B's out and about flirting with pretty, dangerous boys." She waved her free hand. The baby squealed so she let her have both hands, making her happy. "You're picky today."

"She's picky most days," Xander told her. "She'll be that three-year-old who'll only eat certain green foods because some are too green or not green enough."

"Saw a few of those in the mall," Faith agreed with a nod. "Most of them eat chicken nuggets."

"Mom has a few chickens, she can make nuggets." The baby belched loudly. "Feel better?" he asked, grinning as he wiped her mouth off again. She did it again and then cooed in pleasure. "I know, it's helping your colic greatly."

The officer just nodded. "Sounds like it." He went to call that in and tell the others he was cutely fussing over the kid. He hoped no one tried the guy or the kid. The other two slayers would probably cause a huge mess if they did. Though the blonde slayer wasn't causing a mess, she was letting some little kids run in the park and throw flower seeds for some reason. He wasn't going to step into that.

He nodded at the redheaded woman who walked past him with some bubble tea and a book. The kids squealed and threw some of the seeds on her but the officer didn't see her float them into a nearby flowerbed. The redhead smiled and made them bloom for the girls to coo at and plant more of them.

***

Batman looked oddly at the police inspector that night. "Isn't Poison Ivy still in jail?"

He nodded. "She is. That's why we're wondering how we have quickly growing plants that like to pet people."

Batman shook his head slowly. "I have no idea. I'll look into it. Any other notes?"

"That watcher guy somehow got his slayer's kid to fuss at. She was happily belching up the refried beans most of the afternoon."

"He said something about that kid having colic."

"Clearly. She's happily belching now."

"I'll make sure nothing goes near that hotel." He left, going to check on those plants. They were very friendly, petted him gently over the cowl. One flicked his ears a few times to play with them. He stared at the snapdragon plant then around with a sigh. He had to save a few muggers but he had no idea what was going on. It looked like magic maybe? He called in a magic user, who showed up to stare at the flowers. "Any idea, Zantana?"

"Magic," she said with a nod. "Weird, strong magic."

A redhead strolled over, then grinned and waved. "Hi, Miss Stage Magician. The girls wanted to make the town less gloomy so they planted flowers. Isn't that okay?"

"You have magic," Zantana said with a look.

She grinned. "Hi, Willow Rosenburg of the Council. I had to bring the girls to help with the flowers and Buffy her mail from the college earlier. So I made sure they thrived." She grinned. "Stray pets are going to be safe sheltering in them too." She waved a hand and disappeared.

Zantana looked at Batman, who just nodded. "She's very strong."

"Clearly." The snapdragon was flicking his cowl's ears again. "Let me go find a problem to handle. Thank you for the consult."

"Welcome." She took a few cuttings and went back home to giggle herself sick. Batman was not used to people who weren't like him, young or old. That witch was nothing like what he understood about people.

Everyone was ignoring how pretty the new flowers were, and how nice they were to stray animals that were hiding in that park.

Though a few villains were highly amused. Poison Ivy got given videos of the plants, which made her incredibly happy. Selena Kyle was pleased at how nice they were to stray animals, especially cats. They got to sit together to watch the live streamed feed from that park for a few hours with the guards being happy they weren't causing problems.

And it did make Gotham a bit prettier in one area.

Even if they were trying to play with Batman's cowl's ears anytime he ran past them.

***

Buffy looked over as Xander joined her for breakfast with a belching, happy kid. "Wow."

"She's too young to say excuse me," Xander quipped. "But the mexican beans fixed that tummy ache of hers." He grinned.

"I can see that." She called someone. "Xander still has Samia's daughter, who is happily belching. Can you? That'd be great, Merideth. Thanks. Yeah, we're at breakfast." She hung up and Samia appeared a few minutes later, staring at her daughter. Kimberly belched a few times then giggled.

"So that's how you cure that."

"Refried beans," Xander quipped with a grin. "I made sure it was safe for her with the grandma aged lady at the Mexican place." He kissed her on the head, handing her back. Kimberly fussed so he stared at her. "We've talked about this. That's your mom and you belong with her. You only live with me if your Mommy dies in a battle, Kimmy." She smiled at Buffy then hid her face in her mom's hair, belching some more.

Samia sighed, looking at the two elders. "He spoils her rotten, Buffy."

"Good. She deserves it. She's a great little girl and should be fussed at." She grinned, patting the baby on the back. "You be good for Mommy. We like that and no more bad bellies for you, young lady."

Samia grinned. "There's always hope!" She texted and got sent back home.

Xander grinned at her for that saving. "She'll be fine. Her grandma may hate how she belches. We called Grandma last night and she sighed at each and every single belch." Buffy giggled at that. "What did you do yesterday?"

"Some of the minis wanted to come plant flowers. Giles had them sent to do it here."

He stared at her. "The ones on the news last night?"

She shrugged but grinned. "The mini witch squad and Willow's trainees helped with it too?" She tried to look innocent.

He just nodded. "Sure, I'm sure they had a lot of fun." She grinned and nodded at that.

"They'll probably even eat zombies just in case that's a problem they'll see."

He just nodded at that, sipping his coffee. She dug in when Faith joined them.

"Mini mighty wind go home?" Faith asked.

"Yeah, just now, Buffy called," Xander quipped. "Grandma sighed at each belch last night when we called."

Faith patted him on the arm. "At least it solved the colic stuff." She ordered her breakfast when the waiter stopped at the table. They got back to slurping and eating before they went to lurk around the probable areas of the city that a portal may start in.

***

Xander initiated the call. "That's the portal," he announced. "Secondary park without the flowers." He hung up and walked over, waving at the first ones coming through. "The healers are two blocks from here," he announced. "If you can't make it that far we'll help you get there. The local community is waiting to help you once the healers have seen you!"

Those ones nodded and a few officers moved in to help get them to the healer's clinic. "Thanks, guys." He helped a few across the boundary. "Let the officers take you to the healers. They can help you," he said more gently.

"Guys, this one's got something broken in their lower half," he called. "I think it's their tail." An officer came over to help steady them. Xander noticed the bad omen showing up and sighed mentally but they'd handle it if they had to. Both slayers were on their way there just in case. The heroic sorts in town were there just in case. Hiding as normal people but there.

The mean overlord came to the portal, smiling nicely at his fleeing people. "I'm sure they'll have a good life on your realm instead." He stared at Xander. "Do I know you?"

Xander stared back. "Do you want me to talk about how you lost a few hands of poker but had forgotten your wallet at home in front of everyone who's watching?" he asked dryly. "I can but I doubt you want them to hear it."

"Oh, yes I do remember," he said, ducking his head a bit and looking embarrassed. "Which are you?"

"Watcher Xander Harris. Head watcher in Africa over the minis."

The demon overlord blinked a few times. "That's interesting."

One of the demons flinched away from Xander. "You are one of his type?" he demanded.

"No. I'm not his type. I'm fair and I'm just and I guard the mini slayers."

"Knight?" he asked, sounding awed.

"Yeah." He nodded with a grin. "I am that Xander. Yup. Go with the officers to go to the healers. Then the local community will help you guys." The demon nodded, going to spread that word to the others.

The overlord frowned and pointed. "What is that?"

Xander looked then at him. "That's a clown. Usually they're to amuse people. That one's to rob and mutilate people. Please don't start an invasion over them. There was a vision, we don't need that today. This is the end of my vacation."

He looked, grimacing. "I cannot see their uses."

"You should see normal clowns," Buffy quipped as she joined them. "They can do tricks and are meant to be funny."

"Oh. Charming." He nodded.

A guy stomped over and shot his minion in the head, ranting about setting off that vision of the invasion. No one wanted that. "I do not want to get tired of killing things right before I die!" the guy shouted. "We do not need an invasion here!"

"Thank you," Xander called without looking that way. He looked at the overlord. "Is that all of them? We expected about forty and I only counted twenty-nine."

"I can let the others that want to leave come over," he sighed, going to announce that. More came over, including part of his army. It made him pouty. He had thought he was being a good overlord.

Xander pointed. "Let the officers take you to the healers then the local community will help you find a spot," he announced.

One of the military people stared, backing away slowly. "Knight!"

Xander smirked. "You sound like you're amazed I'm here." He pointed. "Healers. Now. Just in case."

"Yes. We can do that." He made sure all the new group made it there. Even getting a bit shoving but Faith stopped him from doing that.

Buffy looked at Xander. "How does he know you?"

"Poker games."

"Oh." She nodded. "I have a few contacts like that too." She went to help a few of the demons up and to the healers. Since it didn't look like an invasion. Though, behind her someone started to scream in a high pitched male voice. She sighed and looked then nodded. "People, that's Arasada coming to visit too," she announced.

"They're cousins to the ones who had to flee," Xander announced from his spot. "They should be peaceful and may be looking to help their cousin species." He stared at the one stepping through first. "Aren't you."

"Yes, we are, Knight." He smiled and nodded at the officers staring at him. "We wish to help our fellow beings."

"Healers," one said with a point. "Two blocks that way. They're all being cleared of injuries and any germs."

"We can go help with that. Healers, go help with that," he ordered. The healers came through looking scared. Xander stared at the demon in charge, making him flinch backward. "It was not us!" he begged. "It was Malvata coming to visit! They wore them out!"

"Oh, fuck," Xander muttered. "Are they trying to visit here too?"

"I'd hope not?" the general admitted. "We do not know."

"Okay. Go to the healers just to make sure you didn't bring any germs we don't have access to." He pointed. That got a nod and the general jogged that way. Xander sighed, watching what was going on. Yup, lots of people in armor that was functional instead of ceremonial. Looked a lot like the other ones only more orange.

Xander pulled something off his side and opened it. He hauled out something and lifted it properly onto his shoulder, waiting until they proved they were going to be a pain in his ass. Yup, they charged with a battle yell. He fired on them and the battle was on. Buffy jumped in with her sword. Faith ran back with hers. "Ladies, swords won't work," he bellowed. "Use something bigger! And tell Rosenburg no magic! They're immune!"

"Fudge," Buffy yelled back. "We need more girls."

"We need more weapons than we do slayers," Xander noted. "Unless they're bringing the weapons with them." He glared at her. "This is big gun battles, not sword and axe stuff."

"We don't have access to that anymore, Xander. You broke the key!"

"I didn't break the key, Summers. Willow broke the key and she did it on purpose!" He tossed her the portal he had. "Borrow away but it's all heavy."

She dug into it, coming groaning with something. Faith moved to help her. "This is huge."

"It's meant to take down big things," Faith noted. They braced it on their shoulders and Buffy fired it off, decimating half the army.

"We wish sanctuary to get away from an original demon!" someone shouted from a new portal. "Please, may we!"

"Yes," Xander called. "Enter and get out of the way. Tell us when it gets here. Just don't join this battle." They did that and cowered in a corner, covered by Aquaman for now since he couldn't really help here.

"What is that?" someone shouted.

Buffy looked then sighed and turned to find another weapon, firing on that thing. "It's an ascended demon. It used to be human or something and changed to that. The head has to come off to kill it."

"Explosives work," Faith added.

"Okay," Batman agreed, stepping in to help. "Boys, no, help the hiding ones!"

"Shut up!" one shouted back. "We can fire on it."

Xander looked back. "The neck is that silvery band on that one. The head has to come off after that band to behead it. It can and will eat anything that'll fit in the mouth. Usually we've just blown them up when we find one." That got a nod from that Robin, who changed ammo. Xander pulled out something and groaned, holding his now sore shoulder. "Fuck," he growled. "Help me here," he ordered the nearest one.

"Don't lift on that side usually?" he joked.

"No, I usually fire from the other side but I just killed that shoulder." They got the weapon out, up, and braced then fired on the problem in front of them.

"Aw, fuck, no wonder I would've died from that," the clown said.

Xander shook his head with a sigh. "Then kill it really hard by taking off the head!"

More heros showed up, and a few villains. Xander looked in his portal then huffed. "Great. We're down to axes and swords." He pulled his out and dove into it.

"Hey!" Buffy called.

"We're out, Summers."

"Shit!" she chirped. She called that in. "Giles, we *really* need weapons. Xander only brought ten. We need about fifty more. No, he's jumped in with his axe. We're down to swords and axes at a gun battle." She hung up and dug in there, finding a good sword to use. She tossed Faith another one and they dove in with a sigh.

Faith growled. "Fuck. This. Shit!" She beheaded the next one and moved on, nodding at the ones helping her. "Guard B too please," she called.

"If I die here I'll tell my mom you both said hi," Buffy called back. "Guard Faith and Xander. He's normal and she's gotta take over."

"If you fall I'm taking over myself," Xander called, ducking and then wincing as he hit that one in the face with his fist then beheaded it. "That way I fix all the problems for good!"

"Okay," both slayers agreed with a nod and a shrug. "Sure. Go for it." They shared a look and dove in again.

"Let the military help," someone in the back shouted.

"Please use weapons," Buffy shouted.

Xander glanced back between blows. "Get the portal by blowing the edges! Get the army by beheading. They've got body armor. The head witch in charge is in the background on their side and I'm about to do something mean to them." That got passed back to the military guys, who did indeed blow the portal.

"Not that one!" Faith shouted. "They can go home in a minute once we kill their ascended demon problems."

"We have another, it's his daughter," one of them called.

"I got it," Shazam called, heading to fix that problem. A tree, pulled out and thrown, brained the demon and then he flew it back to be beheaded. Which Superman could do with his laser eyes.

Black Adam showed up stomping over. "Let us handle it," he ordered.

"Jump the fuck in," Xander called with a mini-wave. "Beheading somehow please."

"Granted." He beat at a few things.

"Not us!" Buffy complained. "We're fighting the problems!" She pointed. "That's the problems!" He huffed and went to handle that.

Superman flew over to bowl into a group and knock them down. Xander got them out by stealing a few grenades from the military guys and using them. Then he threw a few more. The invading army was less than a third of what it had been. "How do we end the portal, Harris?"

"Blow the edge. High yield, it'll twist, then suck itself into it. If you hit the center you create a void or open a picture-in-picture sort."

"Okay." He went to work on the edges. Batman ran over to help, he had the technical experience to do that. They both got injured but oh well. Xander ran over to lay the explosive for them and then got them out of the way.

"Harris, your shoulder's dislocated," Batman noted.

Xander frowned at him. "I noticed that. Thank you!" He went back to beating the problems back by hand. The portal went up and twisted but didn't fully close. "Great!" he growled.

Willow appeared at a run and came over to end the portal. "Move!" They got out of the way and she tried, really hard, but it ended up being a portal in portal to a great garden area.

Xander looked then sighed. He called out something in another language and on that side, they got the portal closed and it sucked in the other one. "Get the sorcerer holding the other ones," Xander called. "Leave the one on the right, Rosenburg, they can go home!"

She nodded, moving to get the others ended. She heard someone shriek and looked then saved his life by sending him at Buffy.

Buffy caught him and looked at him. "Well, you avoided being eaten." She handed him a sword. "Let's get back to the messy work." She dove back in with a head shake.

Xander glanced back and shook his head too. "Don't flirt with that one, Summers. He's too dirty for you."

"You're awfully picky about who I date," she complained.

"He's into torture, Princess," a female voice called. "You're way too nice for him."

"Aww, Harley, I'm wounded," the Joker called, smirking at her and putting a hand over his chest. So of course, one of the demons stabbed him. "Hey! I meant mentally, not physically." He shot that one.

Buffy looked at him. "They'll think it's an offer. Quit being so literal." She stabbed another demon in the face then moved on. "Eww, I need spa time after this." Xander snorted. Faith laughed. "We do, Faith. We'll be grimy."

"Too late for that. Spa time won't even help." She got her next few and saw Xander stumble. "X?" she called. "You okay?"

"Fuck no but I'm going to rip out their throats with my teeth." He growled and moved in again. "Fuck them all." He huffed and looked up, calling out to someone. "If you don't pay me right the hell now, I'm going to make your life miserable when I get back there please!"

A weapon fell at his feet. "That'll help. Thanks." He picked it up and fired it on the demons. It had lasers, it had a battery, it had multiple shots. Someone tried to take it from him so he punched them and went back to it. Yup, they all fell. He huffed and put the weapon on the end so he could lean on it. "Sorry we made the mess, people." He looked around. "Can they go back?" he called, waving a hand at the refugees.

"Yes," they called, heading that way now that the battle wasn't near them. They closed that portal from that side. Now they knew how to handle such beings on their own! The Knight had shown them the way.

Xander sighed, walking back to his portal to put that gun into it. He gathered the other things to stuff in there. "That way I can see if they can be reloaded or recycled for cash." He looked at the girls. "Scatter, ladies." They nodded, letting Willow send them home. He looked at the villain next to him. "Don't flirt with Buffy. She likes dangerous and deadly but you don't equal up to a master vampire. Which was her last real boyfriend."

"Not a problem. Not looking for one. I'm glad we got around that vision though." He left before something did eat him. He got tripped into the head and it did clamp down on his chest. The officers got him free and arrested him but did get him to an ER to be treated.

Xander shook his head. "I've only been off-time a few times." He shrugged at the ones looking at him. "Okay, so...." He looked around. "Burn this?" he suggested. That got a nod from the officers. "If you ask the redheaded one, she'll bring the mini witches back to plant more flowers."

"We were wondering how that happened," one quipped.

"Magic." He nodded. "A lot of magic and trainee witches who love flowers and kittens and puppies and cake. You're lucky there's not a walking cake stand that'll deliver you snack cakes." They just nodded at that. "Let me..." He looked at himself. "Go hose off. Because I agree, not even a spa will scrub all this off me." He put the portal back on his side.

"What's that?" Batman asked.

Xander looked then at him. "I won it at a poker game." He grinned and hiked off. One of the officers gave him a ride back to his hotel. "Thanks."

"Welcome. I wanted out of the way of the others before they started their own fight."

"The broody guy in charge can probably handle breaking that up if you want him to."

"We're expecting it. He's our patron vigilante saint sort."

"I heard. Which is kinda cool. He's got a comic book." The officer laughed but let him off. "Thanks, dude. Have a better day." He hiked inside, nodding at them. "I'm going to use all the hot water," he said at the odd looks. "Because I know I need it." They nodded, not getting near him. "Any messages?"

"No, sir, not yet."

"Great. If it's nagging, I'm not here? Please?" he begged, hitting the button for the elevator. One of the staff hit the button inside for him and cleaned off the entry button once he was gone. Xander did indeed take the world's longest shower and worked to get his shoulder back into place.

***

Batman looked around at the mess. "Want regular fire or chemical fire?" he asked the nearest officer.

"Fire department's standing by, sir. They can burn it and then the city can dig it up."

"Okay. Let's go home," he announced. "We're all tired."

Superman looked at the villains, who shrugged back. "Thank you for the help, people. Have a better week." They nodded, disappearing again.

"This was not satisfying," Black Adam complained.

"Well, they wanted to invade the earth," Superman said dryly. "And they weren't allowed to do that. Thank you for the help though."

The guy grimaced but nodded. "Will they return?"

"No."

"What is that thing?" he asked with a point.

"Harris said it was an ascension. That they were probably human or humanish and became that of their own free will," Superman said. "I have no idea how. I can ask if you want."

"I can ask. They're warriors."

"The slayers? Yes. Harris guards and trains the young ones in Africa. They were mystically chosen to fight demons that're hurting people and vampires."

Black Adam raised an eyebrow. "I was told they were fairy tales."

"Many think so," Batman agreed. "They've kept it quiet for generations." That got a nod and he flew off thinking about things.

Aquaman looked at the other heros. "That was nuts."

"They have a lot of battles like that," Batman said, sounding exhausted. "But yes it was. We should fade and go rest or get injuries treated." They nodded, all going together to the main Hall of Justice for now. Then they could travel home from there. When Batman and his kids got home, Alfred was waiting with a doctor who knew them, pain killers, and bottles of cold water as they walked in. "Thank you, Alfred."

"You're most welcome, Master Bruce." He looked at the boys. "Go rest." They ran to do that. Alfred's word was law in the house. They took what they needed as they walked past him.

Bruce Wayne took what he needed and headed off with the doctor following him. "We need to never have another of those again."

"Feel lucky you're not in LA. They've had a few of those, sir," Alfred quipped.

"Remind me not to even visit."

"Of course." He smiled at his boss's back. He was so disgruntled at having fought against a demon invasion. When Alfred checked, all the boys were asleep, had treated their injuries, and looked like they'd be fine.

***

Xander came down the next morning. He found a young hero waiting. He walked up behind him. "Should I hit you and say 'tag you're it'?" he asked with a smirk when the guy spun to look at him.

"That'd be co...well, no, I'm in uniform," he sighed. He stared at him. "You know."

"I do know. Calabria had to tell someone." He shrugged. "The girls don't share with Buffy or Faith about guy things unless they're shitbags." He stared at him. "Personally, I think you'd be good for her. And the other way around too. Not like you don't understand each other's problems," he said dryly. "And if you're good together then great. If not, then that happens in real life."

Shazam smiled and nodded a bit. "Just don't intentionally screw up. Then you'd probably get Buffy and Faith both on your ass and that's not something anyone wants." He shook his head quickly. "Just...be yourself, be good, be honest. I heard how it all came out. And the confusion you had." He grinned, patting him on the arm. "Just be you."

"I can do that. I hope. Thanks."

"Welcome. I'm eternally the big brother figure for all the slayers, even the ones who don't go on patrol." He grimaced but then grinned. "Which is why I hear about things that come for the girls when the other girls don't." He tipped his head to the side. "Also, eat something. You seem tired."

"It's been a long night. People screamed."

"We get a lot of that. They hate that we defend them but if we don't they get really a lot more angry. The shouting knew no end when I didn't make a battle because I was in the hospital with malaria. Even though I wasn't needed there and the military had it. Sometimes you gotta invite people to handle it themselves for them to stop screaming about you protecting them."

"You were younger."

"I was almost sixteen when I stepped in."

"Wow. That's young."

Xander smirked a bit. "Really?"

"Compared to the others it is."

Xander nodded. "Yeah but we all have a reason we jumped in. Even if it wasn't apparent to us, it was there. In my case, one tiny little blonde airhead shouldn't be saving humanity by herself. Do I regret that decision? Yeah. Every single day at least once a day. Do I still stand by it? I sure do because no one else is going to do the job if I don't."

"I ...I was chosen."

Xander nodded. "And something in you made you worthy of that. Like that hammer thingy in the comics. You're worthy." He stared at him.

"I don't feel like it."

"Neither do I. I feel like I'm fucking up over half the time. And I probably could be but I'm handling things the best I can with what I can do. The same as you guys do."

He nodded. "I hadn't thought about that point. He said he didn't have another choice."

"Yeah, your higher being? That's because of your age, dude. You've done it proud. Even if it does confuse everyone and you, it's all good because you've done what you could do to make things better." That got a nod and the guy relaxed. "Some people have 'I guess I should'. Some people have vengeance. Some people do it because it's the right thing to do.

"Some of do it because no one else was doing it or going to do it. Sometimes you're a bit of all of those and sometimes not. Humans are complicated. Demon goddesses are even more so though." He patted him on the arm. "Calabria's birthday is next month. She hates cake. She does like to go jogging in the park though."

"I.... Huh. I'll keep that in mind. Does she listen to music?"

"I have no idea. I'm so far out of touch with hip music anymore." He grinned. "They don't listen to the same stuff in the middle parts of Africa. Though there is a thriving heavy and death metal community down there. That surprised me a lot with how much leather they wear near the equator." Shazam smiled at that.

"Ask the girl. People like to talk about themselves so if you get stuck ask them something about themselves." He grinned. "And never date a vengeance demon. Any of them. They nice enough beings but they do bring their work home." He patted him on the arm again before walking off. "I'm going back to my minis of destruction."

"They said that hero guy escaped," he called after him.

Xander nodded. "Already handled him when he tried to grab me two days ago." He shot him a smirk back.

"Why?"

"I found out he was so cranked he was a slinky mentally." He looked back at him. "He decided he liked the high of solving the problem and didn't care if someone was inconveniently innocent or even a civilian." Shazam winced at that but nodded. "He got mad at me for finding that out."

"You took my future toy away," someone male yelled.

"You've got minions for that," Xander shouted back. "Go torture them instead." He looked back at the sigh, shaking his head. "I know a few guys like him but they're still fighting the good fight even if they could consider genocide fun and games." He grimaced. "Sometimes your allies aren't all they're cracked up to be." He shrugged and got a cab to go to the airport. "Have fun. You've got to take time off the job, dude. It'll save your sanity and health." He climbed in and got driven off.

Shazam nodded. "That's not bad advice." He turned and found a Batkid. "Hey!" he said with a grin and a wave.

"You met one of the slayers?"

"We were in the same area when something tried to attack. She shot me a look and tried to get me to go away so she could handle it. She pulled a stake. I kinda went 'nope, this one's mine' and winced but changed in front of her because I didn't have a choice. She's a really neat girl. We spent a few hours talking about the hero stuff afterwards."

The batkid nodded. "That makes sense. They seem decent enough but a bit mentally flimsy."

"I think that's an act. Summers may act like that but she's steel underneath that. I've seen women like her dare an army to take them down and then laugh at them for trying."

"Good point. Most of us don't have the cover persona though."

"Yes you do or you'd never have to wear the mask."

"Point. Didn't think about that. We do all have hidden personas in this business. Yours?"

He grinned. "Maybe some day I'll tell you." He walked off. "Harris went to the airport."

"I heard. Batman will be happy that his town's returning to normal." He went back to the alley to call that in and then follow the young guy around. They were about the same age. Maybe they could become friendly. "Have you ever heard about Droze? It's a local band," he said, catching up to him.

"No, I haven't. Are they rock or heavy metal? I don't think Gotham has anything beyond those and the symphony."

"They're a hard rock bad with cellos and violins. It's a pretty neat mashup." He let a song play on his phone, getting a grin and a nod for that. "Wanna trade music?"

"Okay!" He went with him to do that. It was a neat activity and fun. He got to hear a lot of new music.

***

The Joker pouted that night when he was robbing somewhere. "That bastard took my future toy and broke him," he complained to the shopkeeper. "I need to be happier than this. You're going to make me happy, right?" he asked with a grin.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "I've already done the bank drop. Sorry. We closed two hours ago. Should've come then." He nodded a bit, looking scared.

Someone walked in and sighed at the sight of what was going on. "All I wanted was a bottle of tea," she complained. She flicked a hand and the guy with the gun was now a toad. She got one and put two bucks on the counter. "Is that good enough?"

He nodded. "Sure," he agreed. "How did you do that?"

She grinned. "Magic. A bit of magic goes a long way." She picked up the toad, carrying him off. "Being such a poopyheaded moron of a clown means that I have to use some of my gifts to remind you that humans are good usually and it's always better to nurture them than to fall to an alien invasion," she told her toad.

"But I'll let you go later. Once you're not so wiggly and hopping." The toad moaned but did go still. "Good toad!" She petted him a few times. Then she banished him at Batman, letting the toad hit him in the face before she turned him back. "Toodles!" she called with a finger wiggle before disappearing again. Buffy had said the guy was an asshole. Maybe he'd learn better now.

Batman looked at the toad that just changed back to his enemy. "What did you do?"

"Some redheaded bitch in weird clothes," he complained as he got up. "She called me a poopyhead! She didn't even swear!"

Batman sighed but nodded. "That sounds like Rosenburg from the Council. She's their head witch."

The Joker quit brushing at his clothes, staring at him. "Seriously?" That got a nod. "Eww!" He stomped off. "This is worse than my toy being taken from me."

"Did you lose Harley again?" he joked.

"No! The other toy! That wannabe that made me work!"

"Harris?" he guessed.

"Yes, that one took out my toy on me!"

"Oh, all right." He nodded, looking amused. The Joker was having a hissy fit after being a toad. It was a night he was probably going to remember on his death bed. He'd check to see which 'toy' had been taken out in the morning. And if it had been *taken out* or 'taken out' by Harris. He sent out a line and zipped off to the next spot where he'd need to be watching over the city. Thankfully things were quiet again. Only the usual murderers, scum, and villains were out and about.

The End.