Notes: Off-scene deaths of major characters. Not seen but mentioned and buried.


This Was Not What I Wanted To Be When I Grew Up!




"What the hell did you think you were doing!" one of the two young men facing off yelled at the other. The other was a bit taller, blondish, and military in every single way that you could visibly measure.

"I *think* I saved everyone by killing that thing," the other guy snapped back.

"Psyeach, course you did!" He pointed. "Does it look dead? I yelled over very explicitly not to shoot it because it'll absorb the metal and use it to heal itself." He stared at him. "Now we've got to behead the even bigger than it had been sucker of a shitshow. Thanks!" He walked off. "Anyone seen my axe, wherever that thing threw it?" he called.

Someone pointed. "It's stuck in the building."

"Thanks! In the future, ask if you don't know how a specific demon is killed please. Quit making me and the slayers more work." He hauled his axe out with a few tugs and walked over. "Back off, people. Her death will send out energy." He took a swing and hit the neck, then a second. The third severed the neck and everyone got knocked down by the wave of energy if they didn't have at least a touch of magic.

He leaned on his axe, looking at the body. "Okay, let's strip it of things in case it has something we need to know and jewelry that'll be sold off so someone else gets pissed off at us. Then we'll burn the bodies, ladies." He looked at them as they got up with a moan. "C'mon. Your turn to set the bonfire. You begged to do it this time."

They came to strip off the jewelry and anything else then set the body on fire. "Good job! Not bad for your first battle out of the blue." He patted them. "Go see Patricia in the clinic, ladies." He followed them, taking the bag one held out. "Oooh, that's nasty. That's... yeah, that's Grolling guts. Eww but that means she's a spell caster. Great!" He looked around. "No witches. That's weird."

He grimaced but nodded, calling one. "The demon that appeared and had to be taken out had Grolling guts on her. No, in a bag on her belt. I'm looking at higher end spell components and one magical book," he said, finding it.

"Yup, that park. Thanks." He hung up. "Military guys should probably flee. This'll bring out vampy vamps and they're going to eat you. They like to pick on the military since the military picked on them." He got the girls into the minivan and drove off.

"What the fuck?" the guy in charge demanded. "Who were they?"

The blonde lady grinned and wiggled her fingers. "Slayers. That was the guy who trained the girls in Africa and stuff. He's their *guy* sort according to what the girls have said." She smiled. "He draws deadly and dangerous sorts and he was pretty hot with that axe, but I've been single too long I think."

Rick Flag looked at her then at the others. "What?" he demanded.

"You haven't heard about the slayers?"

"Yes, of course I have."

"Oh, you haven't seen the non-briefing stuff." She nodded then sighed and grinned. "He's their version of 'just a guy'. But that 'just a guy' took down two militia units in Benin for going after a slayer for being a girl and then he won an invasion by forcing the rest of them to fight in it or else he'd just kill them for being annoying." She shifted against the tree.

"Also that 'just a guy' and the slayers drive Waller *nuts*. Absolutely pulling her hair out nuts. Super strong, inborn fighting skills, can't be touched by the military or her projects." She beamed. "Because then they'd lose the next invasion on purpose. That 'just a guy' has been at every single battle but four since the late nineties when he jumped in during high school." He blinked a few times. "The girls consider him normal and all military guys scummy."

"Is this from the popular press?" Deadshot asked dryly.

She nodded. "That and interviews. Plus the lifetime movie of the week. He nearly married the vengeance demon over women scorned but ended up leaving her at the altar because it was what was best for her."

"I'm sure Lifetime had a lot of fun stretching that plotline," Flag complained.

"Oh, no, not stretched." She smiled and shook her head. "Not at all. It was a documentary. They even had film of Anya from his home movies. He did it as a tribute to her memory and donated the money from it to abuse shelters in her name."

He blinked a few more times then had to turn to stake the vampire behind him that was breathing on his neck. "Okay, let's go clean up this mess, get back on target, and then we'll talk about all this to see what's going on and if it's pertinent."

She shrugged. "I doubt it. We only detoured to here to stop that thing because we saw it expanding."

"True," he agreed with a nod. "Back on target then."

"Ooh, targets? Can we play too?" one of the vampires cooed. "We can play hunting games and everything."

"Sparky, I'm Harley Fucking Quinn," she said dryly. "Back your ass down." The vampire laughed but the others fled for their lives. She smiled and waved. "Have a great run, guys!" She shot the other one and he went up in flames. The guys stared at her. She shrugged and smiled. "Puddin' had some fun with their type. He liked the minions, they were expendable."

"Oh," the guys said and nodded, walking off together. They called in that point was handled and Waller was still having a fit. Harley leaned over to note that Xander had beheaded that demon for the slayers. The screaming went nearly supersonic over their mics so they turned them off for now. They had to handle a bigger problem, and found one tiny blonde girl doing it for them.

"Would you *quit* blowing the snot!" she complained loudly to the ten foot tall slug being. "I can't get that out of this shirt. Not even my mother could've gotten your snot out of my shirt!" She hit it with the wooden club she held again. "Quit getting me all snotty! It's bad enough the minis sneezed on me earlier! I don't want to be snotty now too!" She heard them and looked then sighed. "Oh, great. Military people."

"Not exactly, ma'am," Rick Flag said.

"Hey, Buffy, we're Task Force X or the Suicide Squad, princess. We were sent to deal with him. Can we spare your shirt by shooting him a lot?"

"No!" She sighed, rubbing her head. "Don't shoot him. He's not evil. And he's a kid. His mother told me to hit him for her." She looked at the kid, who was trying to hide behind her. "C'mon, I'll get you home to your parents before someone else in the government decides you're evil for being big and scary looking and snotty." She pushed back her hair. "Why did they send you?"

"He's supposedly got a few politicians in thrall," Rick said dryly.

"No, he's a kid and his parents are US Demonic Congress members."

"There is?" Deadshot asked.

"Yeah. They're more open about it now." She nodded. "Whoever sent you is clearly up someone's butt with her head."

Harley grinned. "We think so about Waller too."

"Oh, her!" she said with a nod and a smirk. "She's a kill on sight person for the USDC. She was Initiative and her people summoned some higher demons to get their kids to experiment on and torture." Rick winced. "So yeah, don't really like your odds either."

"No, we handle bigger threats," Harley assured her. She moved closer. "We ran into Xander and tried to help him and the girls but we shot at it and he yelled at Rick for being a guy."

Buffy nodded. "I do that a lot at Xander." She sighed, staring at her. "Why are you...." She waved a hand.

"Bad boyfriend choice."

"Yeah, I've done that. Finn comes to mind for that." She grimaced. "Well, have fun in Cleveland. Watch out for the neck biting patrol. The minions are having a contest to see how many they can bite but not kill." Harley rolled her eyes and shook her head with a sigh. "Oh, yeah. But not killing! So that's a step in the right direction."

"Okay. We can note that they're not holding politicians in thrall."

"No, they were probably working on the demonic immigration laws so they can get green carded or whatever," Buffy told her. "A lot of congress is in thrall or at least have soul deals, but his parents are okay."

"Okay. We'll pass that on. No idea what her problem is."

"Probably where she was Initiative and torturing beings for science experiments."

"Probably. Want help walking him home?"

"Nah. They live in a burrow nearby. I was helping him get some fresh air." The demon wiped his nose on the back of her shirt. "Eww!" The demon grinned at her. "No more snot! Giles won't let me shop again this month." She walked him off. "Have a better night, guys."

"You too," Rick Flag called then looked at Harley. "How did she know you?"

She grinned but shrugged. "One strong woman recognizes another, Flag."

They walked off together to call that in. They were not taking out a kid on purpose who wasn't doing anything but wiping his nose on someone's shirt.

"Oh, guys," Buffy called, making them turn to look. "Just had a thought thanks to Colonel Muscles there. Is that blond guy who wears the shiny toilet seat helmet thingy yours? If so, he's being held hostage by a few demons for a fight ring thingy uptown by the museums." She pointed. "Please have him before the girls decide he's worthy of flirting. He's cute and all but too much of a dickhead for my minis and I'm not into blonds." She walked off again.

"Yeah, we can go save Peacemaker," Rick said, then growled. "I want to hit him a few times myself."

Harley grinned at him. "At least you got brought back by that shiny light thing you stepped out of."

"Yeah, that was nice of them." They found the fight ring by asking one of the vampires sneaking up on them.

"Are you guys LARPing?" one of the minions asked. "You look like you're dressing like cut rate superheros."

Harley grinned and wiggled her fingers. "I'm Harley Quinn. They're my teammates."

The minion looked amused. "Wow. Your ex is a douchebag."

"Yeah, totally bad boyfriend choice there," she agreed with a nod. "But I'm over him and looking for better. Someone I can go on picnics with and not have to worry about them drugging the food and the water supply in the park."

"You know, there's Harris," he offered with a point. "The guy with the slayers. He's kinda mean but not evil. He'd be a great step up. The girls say he's got a sense of humor and the whole kitten poker circuit likes him."

"I haven't really gotten a chance to flirt with him," she sighed. "Maybe someday soon we'll be able to flirt." She grinned. "He is the type of guy I'd hope for." The minion grinned and nodded, running off. "Thanks!" They walked off again.

"Kitten poker?" Deadshot asked quietly.

"Yeah. It's their poker variant." She nodded. "Most of them eat them instead of other living flesh."

"Ah." The guys both nodded at that. They'd seen weirder than that. They really had.

They found the right fight club and Rick went to talk to the ring manager, getting put in to fight against the asshole who had killed him. Peacemaker's look at him as he walked in was comically horrified. "Surprise, bitch. I'm back."

"I can see that. Why? Or how?" He was making himself untense because he knew there was about to be a brawl.

"Don't know who they were." He smirked and took a swing. "But I owe you a few things."

"She took the drive!"

"Doesn't mean you don't deserve the asskicking." They got into a good brawl and Rick won. He smirked at him. "You're recalled."

"Thank God," he muttered, hauling himself up holding his left ribs. "Maybe I've won my freedom?" he called. "Please? They're even more mean to me. They won't even let me have guns."

"Fine," the ring manager called. "Go with them. Your stuff's in your locker." They walked off together. Someone tried to grab Harley so she beat him until he was a puddle. "Hmm. Slayer?" he asked.

"Nah." She smiled. "I'm a monster, dear."

"I've never seen your type."

"Well, we Harleys are really rare."

"Like Quinn?"

"Sure am." She beamed.

"Oh!" He nodded. "Welcome to our ring, ma'am."

"It's cute. I need to find one of these where I've got a hideout. Any in Gotham?"

"No. That idiot Batman tried to drive us off thinking we were just thugs. Between him and your ex, the whole of Gotham is listed as no-go for safety reasons."

"I'll yell that at him the next time I run from him." She smiled and strolled off. Peacemaker was getting back into his uniform and looked pleased. "Did they make you wear a toga? I always wondered about that."

He stared at her for a minute. "I wasn't that sort of hostage. Thankfully." He pulled on his shirt with a wince then put on his helmet and grabbed his weapons. "I lost fifty bucks and pouted. So they took me for it."

"Waller's having fits. She hates the demonic. Buffy identified her as former Initiative."

"That doesn't shock me any," he admitted. "Hopefully they look into that again and get her this time." Flag looked confused. "Super high clearance and I nearly got sent to work on that but I got arrested for drunk and disorderly instead on purpose." He walked out with the team around him just in case. "Thank you for coming for me," he said quietly once they were outside. He looked at Rick Flag. "Sorry?"

"We'll work that out the next time we fight."

"Yes, sir."

They went back to base to see where the snafu in orders had been. Then he really had to see why so many demons knew about Harley if they weren't really in Gotham. That was fishy. She wasn't even partially demonic as far as he knew.

***

"We must do something to save everyone some stress and the world," the trio of demons told the human they had summoned. He blinked and nodded once. "We must sacrifice your job to that though."

"Why?"

"The PTB wanted you to not work with the girls and this is their idea," the second one said. "It's a pity, we enjoy watching you."

"I can still be watched. I'll be jumping in anyway. What did they want to do this time? I haven't had a vision recently."

"They were going to sacrifice your job to make humanity steadier."

Xander nodded. "Why?"

"Something will invade if not."

"Uh-huh. How?"

"They wanted you to be a leader of many more than girls."

Xander shook his head with a sigh. "I had a visit from Cordelia about that. Me being president has a few problems. The first being that I'm three years too young." They winced. "The second being I can do all that without leaving the girls at all.

"Hell, have the other watchers slip up because they hate me and show more battles to the press to try to make them mad at me again. I nearly made it to governor that time but they caught me swearing at Brenda for being a whiny girl and making her admit she had done the stupid thing that time."

They shared a look. "That would definitely build up a reputation."

Xander nodded. "Also, that invasion they're thinking, that's already starting. That's what was in Corto Maltese. That starfish thing was one of their peoples' allies."

They groaned. The third one just nodded at that. The first cleared his throat. "They need someone to look up to."

"I don't mind that, though I hate that some kids thought I was role model. You guys can point out that anyone can learn how to behead with a sword and step in. I sure did. Others do. And if you do that, you can also point out some of my past dates. Or even that battle in Malta that I nearly lost until the witch finally got off her ass and came when I shouted yet again for her to show up like she had said she would."

"That battle would get you much staring in awe at."

"And hey, we ran into people sent by Waller earlier." They stared at him. He nodded. "That's her special task force team. Saw Harley actually."

They sighed in pleasure. "That would make her look bad if we noted about her."

Xander nodded. "One's fighting against her shit quietly. Use him."

"I can plan that." He looked at him. "Their idea may still go through."

"Can't for at least another three years by law."

"Very good point," the second agreed. "Plus it may give the future slayers hope as well. Some of them are depressed about their futures."

"They see the senior girls not getting dates and stuff so yeah they are. That and normal school problems." He shrugged. "I'll help to make sure humanity's more stable. But their ideas have more cracks than ancient vases handled by toddlers."

"That's why we told you, so you could fix that plot." They all smiled at him.

"Gladly, guys. I like warping prophecies." He winked. "And out that one guy, that politician with the big mouth in Congress. We know he's got deals. He somehow managed to sell his soul three times."

"Wow," they said, looking that up on their network. They moaned at that notice. "There's two!"

"Great. Have them. Please get them away from the girls. Cleaning up that mess will lead to a lot of happier, more steady people. Start there and tell me when you need more help but can you unsummon me back to my bedroom please? I've got a nine-am yell at Patti's teacher for being an absolute cunt to her yesterday." They sent him back to his room so they could go over those ideas.

They could even use the girls and the Knight to do that outting.

***

Xander came out of school with the mini Patti, who was pouting. "I told her to quit before I told Giles and others," he reminded her. "She didn't have to try to take a swing at you. So we'll work on your ducking today too, Patti."

There were three news vans on the street and one ran over to them. Xander put the mini behind him to shield her. "Mr. Harris!"

"What? And do not even *think* about photographing the mini, people. You know better!" He dug out his keys and handed them back. "To the car. Go the long way around the bushes." She ran for that area and around to the far side of the car to hide in it. He had a blanket in the backseat she hid under. He waited until he heard the car door slam. "What?"

"There was a teacher arrested?"

"Yeah. She totally decided to go off on that same mini for daring to be born that way. Today she took a swing at her in the teacher meeting we had with the principal. She did not like me breaking her wrist for it." He grimaced. "The principal called them on her before I could. Anything else? I'm guessing it's a slow news day."

"The local demon council has announced they are not happy with their political minions and someone siccing a military squad on a child of them?"

"I heard from Buffy. Someone, who had been Initiative and is now heading a problem solving task force *somehow*," he said sarcastically. "Sent them after two Demonic Congress member's kid. Not sure if she was confused that it was the kid and not the parents or not, but with her history I doubt she'd care.

"Buffy talked to them and they realized the mistake they had been sent on and didn't try to hurt the kid or her at all. They were nice about it and sane. Which is appreciated from military people. It's pretty rare when it comes to them interacting with slayers. That same team had tried to help me and my patrol when we ran into a problem but ignored me yelling about not using metal bullets. But then again I'm not a perky blonde girl."

"Why would someone like that be sent against a politician?"

"According to what Buffy said they told her, they were told that demon had politicians in thrall." He grimaced. "Which that family does not. They've been working in the immigration rules that need to be cross-passed and they're on the committee of people that has to work with the human congress too.

"So apparently someone hated that idea if they knew." He shifted to look around then pulled her down. "Duck!" She did and he fired something at someone, making them scream and fall down. "You good?" he ordered.

"I'm...I'm fine. Thank you!" She got up and went to cover that story instead. She looked back. "Are there politicians in thrall?"

"Yup. And plenty that have at least partial soul deals. I have no idea how some of them managed to sell their soul multiple times. Two, one of them the only democrat we know of for sure due to pictures showing the marks, and one republican sold themselves three times."

She whined at that. "But yeah, those of us who can find those sort of markings on them have seen about a third of congress, if not more, with soul debt marks. A lot don't go that undressed in front of you guys so we can't see each one's marks to tell who they've sold themselves to." He grinned and shrugged. "They wanted to rule the world apparently."

"Are there any with soul debts that could have had a better reason?"

"Yes. According to the Big Book of Debts, there's three in various state congresses, and one in the national congress, that have them for saving others. Out of over seventeen in state congresses and forty-two at the national level that're listed locally." He grinned. "And only one has some owed to them."

"Oh, dear."

He grinned and nodded. "Yeah. Which is why none of the council will go testify when called before congress. We send out a nice note each time that we are not going to be called before demons to justify ourselves as we are multi-national and over everyone's protection, not just the US's." He smirked, heading for the car. "Let me in," he said, knocking on the window. Patti opened her door so he used it to open his then get in and take the keys. He drove off with a happy beep at the reporters.

"Someone's going to get really mad and yell at Giles," she said quietly.

"Why? He notes it each time they try to call us in to talk to them about stuff. No one's cared so far."

She giggled. "It's nearly an election time."

"I know. And this time's shouting will be a lot louder maybe."

"Was it a bad guy shooter sort?"

"No. It was a militia member that hates the Council and tries to picket us. Shows up with grenades on his vest. Hell no."

She giggled again and rested for now. She'd have to tell Giles later. After Xander went over how to duck blows better.

***

Xander snuck into the police station, grinning at the one they usually talked to. "Three things." He laid down two papers. "Restraining orders? Violated. They're in the trunk. They walked into the house itself. I was talking with Patti's teacher about her malfunctions. I'm saving them from Andrew."

He looked at them and moaned, loudly. It drew attention. "Sure, Harris, we can come get the two violators from your trunk." His boss walked over so he handed over the restraining order copies.

"They walked into the house while I was nagging Patti's teacher for being a cunt about her being a mini slayer." He grinned. "Andrew got them because everyone else was still asleep. So I saved them. I didn't want to but I did."

The senior officer looked at him. "We can come get them."

"They're in the trunk." He handed over his keys. "Have fun with them. I wanted to but I was being the responsible role model again."

The officers snorted but went to get those two guys and save them from Harris and Wells.

"What's the third thing?" that officer asked.

"I have stuff that can take the blow out of those 'girls shouldn't be in battles' sort. Wanna help? All you have to do is put the ones you have in a room and show the film. One of the senior watchers was cutting things so I looked worse before he released them to the press." He handed over two DVD's in holders. Then he let out a manic grin. "They can be big guys who help girls too. If I can do it they can do it. You can quote me to prove they're not men."

"I can do that," he decided, looking at his boss.

"That might be considered an unusual and unfair punishment."

"No, that's the judge yesterday who gave us two shoplifters. They're going to be training as watchers and going shopping with the girls." He grinned. "I'm pretty sure they'll be on the straight and narrow after the first time. I'm still having daylight flashbacks to shopping with Buffy in high school. It really has hindered my sex life on occasion when lingerie got me."

The officer shook his head with a sigh, looking down. "I'm sure they'll be pleased to help, Harris." He looked up but Xander had snuck off. He looked at his boss. Who was smirking. "Whole new meaning to scared straight?"

"Or gay maybe. Those girls can drive off men really fast. Go ahead and show that film. I wanna see too." He nodded, arranging to get those they had in custody in to see that film series.

***

Xander got home and heard Buffy complaining loudly that guys didn't need to help them so he went to play poker instead, sending someone a text message about who had cut those films, she should watch the whole ones. He went to hide for his life until the slayers got some chocolate in them. And probably some ice cream.

They knew where he'd be when they were ready to see him and not rant. It took four hours but one of the teenage slayers showed up to hug him and thank him quietly for Benin then left again sniffling. Xander grinned, finishing up that hand and going home.

"Willow got so mad at what they cut out, she yelled loud enough that reporters heard, and that watcher got so upset at being yelled at that he intentionally released them in front of her for yelling at him," Buffy said as he walked in.

Xander nodded. "The PTB had a crackhead idea that I should run the country to save you girls. That was my idea to counter it."

She blinked a few times. "Oh, dear. Shit, I sounded like Giles." She sighed. "At least I'm not wearing glasses yet." She walked off to get more ice cream. "We need to make sure Cordy doesn't need drugs. The PTB wanted Xander to be the president so he countered with this idea to let a few more battle videos out."

"That's a much better idea than him being the president," Willow decided shrilly. "Xander!"

"Like hell I'm going in there. You'll try to change me again and I'm going to beat your ass for it."

"Hey! It was an accident."

"Magic takes intentional thought and action, Willow. There's no accidents in magic."

She shrank down and got another scoop of ice cream. "You should go talk to the reporters, Xander."

Xander went to talk to them, staring at them. "The watcher who cut them originally, who also released them to you, was trying to cut me out of slayer history so no one had to realize I was there helping. It's a great advertisement for getting more guys to join the Council though.

"And a taunt for those who decided they can do the job better. I'm just glad I managed to win at Benin finally. Even if it did take two weeks." He walked off. "By the way, the Big Book of Debts can't be photographed or copied by mechanical means."

"We'll figure out how to look up names in it without those," one quipped. "Who was that guy this morning?"

"One of the anti-girl yahoos with weapons. He had grenades near a school."

"What about the guys who got given to the Council as a scared straight program thing?" another called.

"I'm really sorry for them but I can't save them from the girls and shopping with the girls. I still have literal flashbacks to shopping with Buffy in high school." He shot a grin at them. "Of course they'd be nowhere unsafe because shoplifting doesn't require a life sentence." He went inside and shut the door.

A teenage slayer leaned out. "Faith said if you don't go away soon she can't go on patrol tonight so you'll all get eaten," she called. "Have fun with that." She yelped. "Hey!"

"Quit picking on the reporters before I make you become one," Andrew complained. "Even if Faith did send you to do that." He shut the door again.

The reporters shared a look and got away from the Council house so Faith could go on patrol. They went to check on the police to see if they had a statement about earlier or those battle videos going out. The last time they had set part of the city in quarantine just in case riots broke out. Bar fights had but it was mostly guys going 'I could do that' drunkenly and people egging them on to try it. This time.... Well, the officers didn't want to comment or cause a problem so they'd be on the watch for new problems.

***

Peacemaker looked at Rick as he stomped up to him. He had told him to come talk to him in the group's special portion of the prison. Everyone on the Squad now got a section to themselves so the other prisoners didn't feel like they were getting special treats. "The Council sorts ended up releasing some new battle videos to spite the witch yelling at one of the old watchers for daring to crop Harris out of the film. One of them was the one he nearly lost."

"I want that guy's dossier," he admitted.

"There's not one," Harley said as she walked up to him and past them. "If there is, their hacker there, whoever that is, has gotten to it and made him look like a clumsy imbecile again."

Peacemaker looked at her. "Really?"

"Yeah. She does it a lot. His FBI file she totally changed things to suit herself. Including his birthday." She grinned. "Because she knew better. I'm pretty sure it's the redhead's fault." She beamed. "New battle videos released?"

"Yup," Flag said. "We can watch them." They settled in to do that all the present and former squad members just in case they ran into them on some sort of mission. Yup, it was nasty. And dirty. And worse than some of their team's had been. He looked at Harley at one point, getting a shrug back. "Isn't he in these?"

She nodded. "From the underground, he got there late. He was half the continent away." She got up to make some popcorn and came back when she heard the military showing up. Finally. Of course the annoying demons were cheered up for being taken seriously finally so they brought over their real weapons and fighters. And army. And half their population probably.

After another hour that had clearly been cut some to show the less destructive parts, Harris got flown in and took out the head demon with a grenade. "Holy water," she said. "There's a recipe online." The guys just nodded and watched how it happened. Harris had good ideas. They hadn't worked the first or the second time but they had at least slowed the battle. The third time it ended it and most of the other side. Only a few more soldiers got killed or injured.

Rick looked at Harley, who smirked. "Is that the worst there was?"

"Nope." She popped the 'P' sound. She ate another piece of popcorn. "Someone asked him while he was drunk one night which battle was the worst ever and he mentioned the last one in Sunnydale, where they were inside the hellmouth facing thousands of super vampires, with one mystical weapon that worked against them and a lot of others, but had to fight their way to the altar to bleed seven of the girls on it somehow and then fight their way back out."

She ate another bite. "I totally profiled him for class my last year of studies. I even compared him to my ex and should've listened to my instincts." She ate more popcorn. She pulled up a video and sent it to the smart tv for them. "Not that one. There's no film of that one."

They turned to watch that battle, which was pretty bad but Harris had tricked some militia members to fight it. They tried to attack Harris, who was drinking something while sitting on the gate of a pickup truck until the portal opened in the mass of the militia members. Rick burst out laughing. She grinned and nodded. "Yup." She went back to watching. "He's called the White Knight in the underground."

Rick looked back at her and she smiled but he went back to watching. He'd talk to her about how she knew all this later. "There's no dossier on him anywhere."

She nodded. "I know."

"Can we find a real one?"

"Ask the poker circuit?"

"Not a bad idea."

"That's how I did it when I did his profile."

"Can I see that?"

"You can ask the college if they have a copy. Mine's buried somewhere in my storage building at home."

"I can do that." He went back to watching. It was goofy but the kid had some skills. What Harris could've been with military training was a fantasy he had.

Peacemaker leaned over to look at him. "I would've liked to see him with your training."

"Me too," Rick admitted. "Or even yours."

Harley giggled. "I'm shocked you didn't flirt, Flaggy. Only the deadly and dangerous sorts like him that way."

He shot a look back at her. "I'm not gay, Harley. That may have mattered."

"Not really." She flapped a hand with a grin.

He rolled his eyes and got into the next video. He needed to know about that guy's abilities. Just in case he ran into him in the field, or in case they were ordered to take him out to spare the slayers.

***

Xander looked at the man staring at him. "We do not testify in front of demon owned people. That is our decision to protect our girls."

The agent sighed. "We agree with that. The ones on that hearing panel are not tainted. We asked. It's about that issue though. We need someone who can show up and tell us how to find them and how to find that book."

"That book is found at the head of the local demon poker halls. Most cities have at least a copy of it. Ours is about nineteen inches thick and it'll have pages disappear when people die, after six months. It lists all the debts owed from anyone. It lists the three I'm owed from poker debts. I was looking for one I knew I had but it wasn't listed. So I asked that higher demon and he huffed and checked too, it was listed in LA's and not Cleveland's because ours doesn't list that level of demon."

"Okay. Can agents in LA get theirs?"

"Probably. Some of them play kitten poker. Have them ask."

"That's actually very helpful. Can you tell me which one here would have a copy?"

"Sid's Tentacles Bar." He pointed. "Sixteen blocks from the hellmouth to the east. A lot of the girls can go there."

"That's actually very helpful. Can we borrow one of you for that talk?"

"I.... Giles?" he called, tipping his head to the side. Giles came out of the office and sighed. "They're holding a hearing on how to find if someone's demon tainted."

"I can't see sending some of the older watchers to that," he admitted. "They'll try to cover things up." The agent nodded. "However, I could foresee myself or Buffy going if they wanted." The agent sighed in pleasure. "If I cannot, I can probably lean on Xander."

Xander looked at him. "I doubt they want to talk to me about anything, Giles."

"Actually, they did want to know about any battles here in the US," the agent admitted. "If they could get you to come testify they were going to ask about that as well."

Xander sighed. "I can provide copies of film we take. We generally wear a body camera to real battles for the later slayers to see. I have a ton of them in the safes. Not all of them are in the US and that's not all battles. Sometimes I couldn't grab the camera, sometimes I didn't grab the camera.

"A few were going to be so nasty no one needed to see that. Including me. Half of those Giles got a single paragraph report on about a third of them total." Giles scowled at him. "What? You wanted me to note the battle against the family clan of Maharans?"

Giles heaved, then shook his head. "Not particularly. How were they found?"

"They tried to take out a baby slayer's village. She called up panicked when I was too far away so blew a poker debt to go handle that and to bring Faith down to help me. For which she swore at me for hours for thinking about her."

"Faith?" he called. She came out. "That battle he pulled you down with a wish for?"

"There's been four," she said, grimacing. "I can't write a report on how nasty any of them were. One wasn't *too* bad, but it's also gross. Globs of snot demons who were about house size and eating the trees it ran over. That was gross but not harmful."

Xander nodded. "I did put in a report about that."

Giles sighed, looking at him. "Those are particularly rare."

"Yeah, a minister summoned them to make his people more faithful," Xander said dryly.

"Oh, dear."

"Yeah, not harmful to humans but scary because of the size and being flying balls of snot. I got someone to translate for one of them and they said who it was. The whole town was listening. That minister...well, he fled for his life somewhere."

Faith nodded. "Good!" She looked at the agent. "We don't talk to congress."

"They're asking about how to find out about demon owing ones, Slayer Faith. If we can find out, we can get them out of congress. They did let me know that if Mr. Harris showed up they wanted to talk to him about any battles we've had in the US."

"What's their definition of a battle?" Faith asked. "Because there's skirmishes, fights, brawls, patrol fights with vamps, and then there's huge things."

"I think anything that takes more than four slayers to handle."

"That's a lot," Faith sighed. "About every six events."

The agent winced. "Do many of them have films?"

"Nope. We only put on the cameras for the bigger things where it takes more than ten of us. And sometimes patrol to show the later girls how to do it."

"Can we borrow those at least?" the agent asked. "So they can ask if anything like that minister has happened?"

Xander pointed to the southwest. "Two telepreachers. One graduated the holy tower college from that original telepreacher. The other one's from Arizona and part of a cult who did that and fought it to prove he was anointed by God."

"Can we get that information too?" he asked.

"We told the FBI," Faith said dryly. "They moaned a bit, shrugged a bit, then ignored it."

"Shit," the agent muttered.

"They do it a lot," Xander agreed dryly, smirking at him. "But yeah, we may share some of those battle videos." He looked at Giles, who nodded. He looked at the agent again. "As for testifying, we can make sure Buffy's wearing a non-patrol skirt for it so she looks nicer and like a decent human being." Faith snickered.

The agent smiled and handed over the paperwork. "Then please, sirs and Slayer Faith." He nodded and went to share that information. Plus find that poker hall. It was a bar up front so he went to talk to the bartender. "Congress is looking to see whose name is in that book of Debts we heard about," he said. "If there's a way we could?"

"I can ask. We expected someone to do that."

"Please if we can. We'd like to get those who sold themselves for political gain out of politics."

"That'll empty out DC," the bartender said. "Let me talk to someone."

"Thank you." The bartender went into the back and the agent ignored the others in the room and what they were drinking and eating. The bartender came back with a higher level demon and the agent nodded politely. "We'd like to find a way to copy the names and details of anyone in congress or higher positions with deals if we could. We'd like to not have them infecting the government."

The demon nodded, handing over a notebook. "We had minions copy it."

"Thank you, and the government thanks you as well." He nodded at the demon and bartender. "We're holding a hearing about how to tell soon and the Council has agreed to help us with that. I'll hand them back the notebook."

"That's fine. It saves us dealing with someone who'd want to buy it." He went back to the back.

"Thank you," the agent said, giving him a twenty as a tip and leaving.

The bartender smiled. "If more agents were like him, it'd be great." The others in there nodded. He had been polite. It was a great change.

***

Xander and Faith walked into Congress. "Giles broke his ankle," he told the waiting agent. "Buffy's hiding like hell because the girls dyed her hair green." The agent laughed. "So we got deputized."

"That's great, Mr. Harris. Slayer Faith." He nodded at her. "We have to go through security."

"I have shrapnel injuries," Xander said. "Faith does have weapons in case."

"We expected that." He took them to the security team. "This is Slayer Faith and Watcher Harris. He has shrapnel, she has permission to carry weapons as needed. He does too but usually only higher weapons."

The security team hand wanded them both and the agent took Faith's weapons to hold since he'd be with them. Once they were near the hearing room he handed them back, making her smile. She looked at Xander. "What did you get shrapnel from?"

"Few things." He shrugged. "Maya's thing too."

She blinked then nodded. "Ohkay then. I do not need to know."

"Probably." He grinned. They were let into the hearing room and shown to seats to wait in. He looked at the staring congress members. He leaned closer to Faith. "They missed one," he said in her ear.

"I can tell." She grimaced but nodded. "It'll go." They got called up.

"Mr. Harris, Miss Lehane, thank you for answering our summons to figure out how to tell if one of us is owing a debt."

Xander nodded. "There's a few ways."

"Also, Slayers can feel certain types of debts," she said. "Including full soul contracts most of the time."

"That's good to know," the head of the panel said. "Before we begin, is there anyone up here who may owe one?"

"Two," Xander said. "By the Book of Debts one gave up a tiny sliver of her soul to save her family from something and the other one is a soul contract."

Faith nodded and waved a hand. "Yes, she does. I could tell from the theater seats."

"Does that get stronger the longer you're a slayer?" he asked.

"No. Some girls are great at sensing demons and taints. Some of us are all but headblind but have other skills and sense other things. One of the minis is actually the most accurate and best at sensing that. She's four and she'll hug everyone she runs into unless they have a soul contract or they cough on her."

"Interesting. All right." He looked down. "You two should not be in here." One moved. Xander shook his head. "Not him?"

"No. Representative Andrews has the tiny one to save her family for some reason. It didn't record the why, just that it was to help her family. Representative Michal," he said with a point. "Somehow managed to sell his whole soul." That one moaned and he stomped off. "I don't know why that one senator moved," he told that one.

"To test us," Faith said.

The head nodded. "It was. That was their idea to prove it." He looked at Representative Andrews. "Why?"

"We had a break in from someone who wanted my father for his political views. We lost him anyway but the guy got caught before he shot me, my mother, or my siblings. That's worth six percent of my soul. I've lived a good life beyond that."

The head of the inquiry nodded. "That's actually not a bad reason and as far as I know no one would mind that. It's less than half. It's not going to make you sway your vote. You're every bit like your father." She grinned and nodded.

"She's not going to jump up to attack us for being who we are," Faith said. "We haven't minded her. One of them we mind because he made drunken innuendos about an underaged slayer." She stared at the one who moved. He ducked his head. "She was fifteen when you said you wanted to toss her down and teach her how to be a real woman." He winced too.

Xander cleared his throat. "Someone else had that idea. The officers in Cleveland were very nice to stop me last month."

Faith grinned at him. "You got there before I could."

"Yes I did."

"You two are militant," the head of the panel said.

"Yes we are. We're highly protective of the slayers because they're young women and people hate them for being born called. I'm super overprotective over the younger minis I usually handle these days. I've sent teachers running for their lives for making inappropriate comments about the girls. I'm a big brother to the slayers and they all know that."

The head of the panel smiled. "Good. Someone needs to. So, how do you tell beyond the slayer senses?"

"Marks," Xander said. He pulled out his notes for them with a grin. "These marks are the most often seen. A lot of times they will photograph. I have special glasses to look through." He let the usher take them to hand over so the head of the panel could look through them.

"I can see a glowing mark on her arm."

"Yes," she agreed with a nod. "It's right there." She pointed.

"No, the one I see is further up."

She pointed and he nodded. "That was an anti-demon toxin shot recently. I had one try to infect me."

"It can show other demon taints," Xander agreed with a nod. "Those shots will show up."

The head looked at them, frowning. "Slayer Faith?"

"We show up because the slayer essence that we all carry was originally ripped from a few demons way back in caveman days to be given to us."

"Mr. Harris?"

"Exposure to demon blood," he said dryly. "You fight them and they will bleed on you."

That got a mass nod. "That figures," the head of the panel said, handing them back. Xander put them back into the case in his pocket. "Beyond that and the rumors from the poker circuit, how else can we more normal people tell?"

"Some people can get charms made to tell them if there's a demon of certain classes nearby," Faith said. "It'll tell the higher ones definitely but not the ones who fled here to be safe ages ago. It may catch more recent ones because of the energy differences. Some can tell magic as well."

"So there's no great, definitive way?"

"Doing a markings search from someone like a dermatologist does work," Xander said. "If they have the proper glasses or other seeing devices, because I know someone who put it on a magnifying glass, then that would be the best, easiest, and least likely to be paid off to lie."

"That could work. Making a list of certain dermatologists who can do such things and has the glasses or some other device." He looked at the others. "We have a mandatory physical yearly." The others nodded at that. "What do you suggest about the ones we already have in seats in this house?" he asked.

Faith shrugged. "That's why we wouldn't come talk to you guys."

"Once it's known, they could probably be voted out," Xander offered. "Would most people vote for a demon tainted congressional member?"

"No," the head agreed. "That's a probable outcome of it coming out." He looked at that one representative.

"No, I've admitted it in the past when someone sneered at me for it. The ones of us who did something like I did, a lot of people won't mind as long as it's less than half according to my last election committee's research."

"You'll get a lot of people who hate that demons exist too," Xander said. "The 'I'd never let myself do that, I'd let them die' sorts who'd try to make the country bitter."

The head sighed but nodded. "Yes there are. That's a problem that could happen as well. We may not want them in here either. Between the two, I'm not sure which is worse."

"Even if they're fully indebted it won't change how they vote," Faith said. "It's basically a timer on their life, not a possession."

Xander nodded. "Possessions are not picked up that way. But that is picked up on most of the magic detectors."

"So we can put those on the entryway," Representative Andrews said happily.

"Yes," Faith said, handing over a card. "This is one that works out of Cleveland and they did say they could give you a list of who does that sort of work in this area." They smiled. "They've been asked that before. Especially after the invasion in LA."

"Excellent." He shared that with the others. "We also wanted to ask one of you about battles in the US."

"I've only been back for two years," Xander said dryly. "But we were warned. What is your definition of a battle?"

"I'm getting a flashback to Clinton asking for the definition of the word 'is'," one said dryly. "Any fights?"

"Staking on patrol fits that. So does a bar brawl we sometimes get into. Are we talking huge things like the invasion, something that pops up suddenly that took a few slayers to handle?"

"Let's go down to that last category," that one said.

"Sixteen in the last four months," Faith said. "Since Xander came back from Africa, probably eighty-three or so?" she asked Xander, who shrugged but nodded. "All over the US. About another sixty-five in Europe and Asia. Africa's new team doesn't report anything but huge events. So does South America."

The senators and representatives all stared at her. "Why so many here?" the head of the panel asked.

"We've had a few that were fighting for dominance over their clan," Xander said. "We attended to make sure no one outside stepped in, and stopped it a few times. That accounts for probably four of those. We've had a few huge domestic fights that it took multiple slayers to break up."

"We had one last week that was a princess showing up through the hellmouth to try to complain that we can't accept her fashionable and special nature. She came to shop for minions and cute outfits. It took ten of us to drive her off and Rosenburg calling her mom to come get her, and her showing up to nag her daughter for two of the five hour fight against her before she stomped off. Xander just basically blew her clothes up and made her huff home."

"It works with Buffy," he said dryly. "You mess up her clothes, she huffs off."

Faith tipped he head then nodded. "Yeah, that's how I've done it before when she tried to nag me."

Xander grinned. "I sicced a mini to mess up her hair. She screamed in outrage, the mini said she got her back for being such a poopy head earlier that day about them being cute kids, and then ran off to cheer and talk Andrew into cookies."

"I heard that scream of outrage," Faith said dryly. "I locked my door so no one involved me." She looked at the congressional members again. "The slayer house is sometimes a bit trippy."

"There's thirty-three kids and sixteen adult slayers," Xander said dryly. "It's a big building but not that big." Faith nodded at that.

The head of the panel moaned. "I have three daughters and that's more than enough in one six bedroom house. With each of them having their own rooms."

"We have double rooms," Faith said. "Until high school." He shuddered. "Yeah. A lot of times it's a lot of girl fights over nothing."

"Or the bubble bath," Xander quipped. "Because they went to hair pulling and screaming over whose bubble bath was used. I had to use nineteen corners that night."

The head of the panel laughed. "You guys live a very weird life."

"Yes but we insist the girls grow up like normal girls."

"Good. It's good to see." He looked at the others. "How many of those eighty-three were big enough that you taped it for later?"

"About fifty," Faith said. "Some we didn't manage it, some we weren't going to. No one needs to see a few of those."

"One was wacky," Xander offered. "Because we had to keep switching which one had which demon because it kept splitting off and only three of us had the right sort of weapons, the rest of us handled the other things going on."

"Huh?" Representative Andrews asked. Xander sighed and dug out the DVD set he had carried in, handing it over. "Which one, Mr. Harris?"

"Disc six, probably third or fourth and the one before then is nasty. Like heaving for the rest of all time nasty." She nodded, getting up to run those and find that one. "Oh, it's blue. Not the green thing that'll make you think it's harmless."

She went past that green thing and found the blue one. She moved the tv so the others could see it. "This one?" Faith nodded. They watched that one. It wasn't great but it was...rather charming. "Special weapons?"

"Silver," Faith said. "We only have a few silver blades."

"That's something that happens I guess." She let it go to the next one. And heaved about a minute later. "Oh." She turned that off. "I don't think we need to show that in open session. The parents of that child may mind."

"Considering they summoned it to get power? They've already been sentenced," Xander said. "But yeah, it's gross. We came up on that one afterward and had to fight the parents and the demons. I was not there. I was in the ER getting piece of stake taken out of my side."

"We can close the session and turn off the cameras," the head of the panel decided. They did that and went back to that video. The usher brought in a few extra trash cans for personal use.

Xander held up a hand. "Do not let it go on. The next one was huge, dangerous, and we lost three girls during it." They nodded, taking a break before seeing that one. They all were quiet afterwards. "That is not the worst on there." They nodded at that. "You guys wanted videos of former battles. Those are the ones we recorded." That got a mass nod. "The worst is on the second disc, sixth video in. It's short, it's gross, and it was eating children."

"I think we can view that privately at a later event," the head of the council said quietly. "Did your copies for the later slayers have worse than what you included, left out on purpose?"

"Yup," both young people said together.

"Worse than that one?" Xander nodded. "Oh, dear. How many, percentage wise?"

"Probably thirty percent of the safe's contents are worse. Two in there are from Africa but they relate back to the US as there were US soldiers there not being very helpful." That got a group nod. "Some of them are from overseas. Three of the worst in there are from the US, including the last battle in Sunnydale."

Faith looked at him. "We had that one attempt thingy."

"Oh, yeah, well the battle that sucked in Sunnydale then."

The head of the panel nodded. "I understand why you would not like to have that shown."

"One has a missing town," Faith said bluntly. "All dead."

"I can fully agree with us not having to see that one unless it's pertinent to another investigation we're doing," Representative Andrews said. "I toured after that incident but they had cleaned it up by then." The others looked at her. "I was on the investigative panel." She waved a hand at someone else. "So was he."

He nodded. "I was. It was after all the cleanup was completed, all the bodies buried." He looked at them. "How do you handle seeing that?"

"We do it so you don't have to, or so some little kid doesn't get hurt from it," Faith said. "What choice do the slayers have? Some never go on patrol but we'll still step in to save our own."

"I can see that." He slumped and grimaced. "Do they get training?"

"Yup. They have to at least take the book work," Xander said. "That way if something's going on they can identify it, stop it if they can, or to call one of us and tell us what's going on so we know what we're looking at when we get there."

"Why do some of the slayers not go on patrol?"

"Because, like soldiers, not everyone's meant to be in the field," Faith said. "Some girls physically can't. Some girls mentally can't. Some really don't feel good doing it. We had one girl who was going to cut her wrists if we sent her out again. She could but shouldn't because it was wearing on her. She didn't tell us, like she knew she was supposed to, because her mom told her it was her duty and she had to do it because it was her duty. Some people can be soldiers. Some people can't. Some people shouldn't."

"I understand that." He licked his lips. "What do they do?"

"They go to college, they find a real life, all that the other girls do too. We send them to college or trade school or whatever they want to do. Unlike the old Council, our job is to support the girls in their duty, help them do it, help them grow up into women that their families could be proud of, and if they want to stay at home, that's fine and we support that too," Xander said. "They're like every other girl or woman in the world, only they've got a nasty after-school job given to them without their consent."

"I can see how that happens," he decided. "Miss Lehane, are you going to go to college?"

"I'm not a college girl," she said. "I'll stay and help the younger girls until it kills me. Me and Buffy both. That's our choices."

Xander nodded. "It's my choice to make sure one little girl doesn't have to do that duty on their own, so I jumped in at first and stayed no matter who told me to go away, because no one else was."

"Would the Council hire more watcher trainees?"

"We're always looking for more," Faith said dryly. "Most of the ones who apply have no clue and aren't really a good idea around the girls."

"We had one that was racist and trying to make the girls he worked with that same way," Xander said with a grin. "We had a talk with him."

"A violent one?"

"Yeah, I had a bat." He grinned and nodded. "The girls have to be able to protect everyone, even the ones who hate them for it, and work in any country. Racism isn't allowed."

"Especially not with the diversity of the demon community we work with," Faith agreed.

The congress members all nodded at that. "Are the girls safe, Mr. Harris?"

"If they're not I've still got that bat. And a few other choice methods. I've proven that a few times." Faith sighed but nodded. "Including for bad boyfriends." He grinned his most insane grin. "I'm a highly overprotective big brother to the slayers."

"Good," the head of the panel said happily. "It's good someone's protecting the girls." He looked at the others. "Any other questions?"

"Can other countries pick which slayer comes?"

"No," Faith said. "We set who goes where. The houses have a mix of gifts and strengths. The bigger houses are more particular. The single girls on patrol in more rural areas are usually from an area like that. Some of them are at home, some of them aren't. The girls themselves can ask if they want to go somewhere specific. That's why B...Buffy went to Rome and I went to Germany for six months."

"I went to Africa to grieve for my former fiancee and tell the girls what had happened, and then it happened in front of me. So I stepped in and found people down there trying to hide it from the general populace so I taught them too."

"Good. It's good the girls get support now." He looked around. "Any other questions?"

"Do your people get federal support?"

Xander shook his head. "No. The Council is self supporting so we don't have to deal with people who want us to do things for them."

"I can see that problem. Are there things that could make it easier on your duties?"

"Hospitals," Faith said. "Some of them are docs who hate us and won't treat one of us. They hate Xander for having been exposed to demon blood sometimes. Out of all the hospitals in Cleveland only two will treat any of us. None of them will treat him or anyone else with even a drop of demon blood."

Xander nodded. "Every city really needs an emergency plan. An evac or whatever. A battle can happen anywhere. Cleveland's emergency plan wasn't available for over two years after we moved there. That would've been a year after the invasion. Rosenburg helped them set it up. New York City has one but I'm not sure how realistic is it. A lot of other places don't have one. Which means more civilians in the way possibly."

"We don't need 'em to be paranoid," Faith said. "But knowing how and where to run if something happens? Probably a great idea. It's not like tornado basements will help in some cases."

"I hadn't thought on that," the head of the panel admitted, making himself a note. "Any others?"

"Can we *please* get the military taught how to at least use a machete properly?" Xander asked sarcastically. "Most of them have no idea. Those that try it anyway often end up hurting others. Even those who use the ceremonial swords have no idea how to use them. Bullets only work in about forty percent of our problems. A sword would be better but a machete will be handy."

Faith nodded. "Definitely. We don't tend to work with the army after their little project problem but the rest, we'd like them to actually not be a casualty in a battle because they have no idea. They don't deserve that. They also need to keep bringing their own weapons because we never have enough."

"What project?" Representative Andrews asked.

"It was sealed by presidential order," Xander said. "Though Faith was not there, she was in a coma, and I did not sign any NDA or anything else, I was warned I was not to talk about them. Or their actions in other countries for the UN." He grinned. "Unless I cannot be held accountable for mentioning that.... Ask the president. Or actually the president that was in office in 2000."

She stared at them. "Generally speaking, what were they doing?"

"Experimenting on anything who wasn't a standard human."

The representative looked at the others. "Someone call and ask please?"

"Give me a minute. My phone's in my office," the head of the panel said, going to do that. He came back ten minutes later. "The president had to look that up, got sick, I heard him using his trash can like a few of us have, and said to please make sure they can't do that again."

"We drove them out of the college in South Carolina when they tried," Xander said dryly. He pulled out his phone and looked up something, finding a warning from Willow. He answered her and went back to the files, letting the usher have it to hand to the panel.

"That is the basis of the program, the incarnations I've found since then, the ones I've run off, and the name of the project for the UN's hunting squads for those that didn't end up in Homeland." He grinned. "We thought it was shitty they got permanent duty assignments for it."

They looked that over and the head of the panel nodded. "Oh, dear. That bad?"

"Yeah," Faith said. "I wasn't there and I heard later. It was that nasty."

Xander took his phone back after waving for it, getting into a file. "On a vampire that we had to help guard that they had gotten. That's my journal from that time complaining about him." They looked that over. "That was the lightest thing they did. And that was testing it to use on later soldiers. Which you guys now have in a certain program out of Louisiana according to my sources."

"Task Force X," one said. Xander nodded. "Oh."

"Waller was one of the geeks then. An administrator but part of the science crew."

"We'll be looking into that."

"You'll want a few more trash cans," Xander said bluntly. "And they didn't keep good notes." He grinned. "If you ask the Demonic Congress they have a committee much like this to identify any other programs like that to warn the community and try to have them shut down. We were forced to let the Army deal with its own people even though we knew they wouldn't. After that, nope. I have no mercy."

"Good," the head of the panel noted firmly. "Excellent in fact. You let us look into that, Mr. Harris. The president demanded we look at that." Xander nodded. "Which college?"

"That was in the notes."

"I took that down and copied it," Representative Andrews said, handing over her notes. "What happened to them?"

"Most of them went to the UN or Homeland," Faith said. "One of them tried really hard to come back to take out the slayers. Riley Finn and his wife."

"I had a lot of fun blowing up their compound," Xander said quietly. "A whole lotta fun. They wanted to blow up the girls. Our protections defeated that. We repaid it."

The head of the panel smiled. "You're rather scary."

"I'd hug you but only assassins and arms dealers like my hugs," he quipped, cracking up Faith.

"Thankfully I'm not in that sort of life," the head of the panel agreed. He went back over the notes and handed them back. "Find them, Andrews."

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Let us look into that. We'll talk to Slayer Summers during it since it was probably her who handled it." Xander nodded. "Good. We'll see her in a few weeks, once she's no longer dyed funny colors thanks to a mini slayer." He banged the gavel. "Dismissed. Have a better day." They nodded and left together. He looked at them. "Let's look into that project then get Waller in here."

"The cameras are still off. So she may not have heard," Andrews said.

"Good. Excellent in fact." He smiled. "We'll have a lot to look into." Willow appeared with two file boxes and handed them over. "On that project, Miss Rosenburg?"

"Yes. The president called Giles to tell us to release it to you. I have nine more boxes if you need it. This is the pertinent files and non-identifiable beings so no one has to hear about their families. We can release the rest but I'm worried about the families having to hear about the tortures they went through."

"How bad was it?" Representative Andrews asked. Willow put down the boxes and found a file after some looking, handing it over. "Oh, my God," she muttered, handing it over to go get sick.

"We couldn't identify his species," Willow said. "It was down to one of three. He was there when we freed the base. We had to give him mercy because that's how we found him and the healers said they couldn't fix it." She grimaced. "If you want the rest, I'll gladly hand it to the Demonic Congress or directly to you."

"Do they know or have other files?"

"I handed them a copy of everything. I have no idea where they stored it."

"Good. About Director Waller?"

She grimaced. "The administrative lady who ordered things and kept track of files? We'd rather not see her." She smiled. "But if you want to, go for it. Her file's not in there, it's in the other box. Which is in my closet."

"We can send an agent to come gather that, Miss Rosenburg," the head of the panel said. "Gladly. That way we can find out how bad our army screwed up."

"They were mostly Rangers."

"They were Rangers," he said.

She nodded. "The soldier portion, they were Rangers for the most part."

"Why were they doing this?"

"They were going to figure out demons to see if there was something that could help strengthen chosen human soldiers. And the original doctor, Dr. Walsh, was making her own franken soldier out of demon and human parts."

"Was it stopped?"

"Buffy did that," she said happily.

"Good!" He smiled back. "I'll send someone to heft the rest here. Is it this bad? The rest of the files?"

Willow nodded. "Yeah, the testing tapes they had stored? Unfortunately yes, and some are identifiable. I'd hate to hurt someone's family."

"No, we'll close that hearing," he said. "That way no one hears about their family. Do you know anyone on the Demonic Congress committee?"

"Dathra. She's our local rep for Cleveland."

"I'll ask them," he said. "Thank you for that service, young lady."

"Always happy to not let it restart. We consider that a debt of honor to stop it anytime it starts." She smiled and disappeared.

The head of the panel looked at the others. "Someone get them to come talk to us about this hearing we need to have." Someone nodded, going to his office to call them. They came over to talk that night. They brought their full files, including things the Council hadn't heard about. But they considered it sweet that Harris had stopped the last attempt.

***

"Why am I being called in front of Congress again?" Waller complained loudly. The others all shrugged. They didn't know and no one was talking. She stomped off but everyone had a feeling they knew. The Squad had run into the Council and they probably had a talk somehow. The Council was like that.

***

Rick Flag was also called to testify about their task force and if anything was similar. He heard the evidence of that prior group and nearly ground his teeth into dust hearing it was his army's people, Rangers for the most part. Rick was a West Point graduate. His father had been a war hero. His grandfather had been a war hero. He was a war hero. This was making him want to end the threat to the world.

He stared at Waller's back. He knew she could tell and feel his anger, but she'd deal with it later when he got in her face. Well, she went to jail so it'd be much later. He walked up for his turn and they agreed he had nothing to do with that, they were just making sure she wasn't continuing in the same vein.

He noted the current things, including the explosives for missions. They weren't pleased and agreed that it was wrong of her to do, but they were using villains to handle bigger problems. They'd be looking over her methodology later that day to see if the task force could go on. He got asked how he got brought back and he was honest, he had no idea who they were but they had said he was needed. So he was back.

They decided he was in control for now. The project was halted for now until the review. He agreed and left to tell the people that hadn't watched the broadcast that.

***

Rick made it back to the prison and called everyone together. "Congress has sank Waller into a cell," he announced, seeing the few who were happy about that. "Not only because of her problems here but because of the other ones she participated in. Right now, if any of you were Initiative I want to know so I can send you away from us before they kill us to get you.

"I may use you as a training hunt for someone on the task force but I can't promise that bit of fun for us to bet on." He looked around. No one said anything. "Good. If I find out later you lied, it'll be worse." He looked around again then at his people, insane though they were. "Congress has said I'm in charge from now on until Waller's problems are settled. Then they'll revisit it.

"Tonight, I want all the upcoming possible mission profiles handed over to me. The one mission currently going I want to hear about immediately. Just in case I have to stop it immediately. Who's in charge of that?" One raised her hand. "Bad, we're covering our asses, or her ass?"

"Covering her ass yes, Colonel, but important to stop anyway. Like in Corto Maltese. It needs stopped and if they find out the US helped, then they're the idiots and they deserve to go down."

"Is the team working?"

"Very well. They're within a day of ending it completely. If they had went the easy way, starting a coup would've worked faster but they're being subtle with explosives and kills."

Flag nodded. "Tell me later with the others. Also if we're actively supporting projects like that. I know she had some...friends in low places who used her and us to try to cover up things. But Congress found out," he said smugly. "Including her stint doing that to demons."

A few winced. "Is that what that Initiative project was?" one asked.

"Yes. In Sunnydale. Slayer Summers' team took them down the hard way. We got to see the head of the army today to talk to him about his Rangers doing that," he said dryly. "He was throwing a fit in the hallway during my testimony because he heard Waller's.

"He's vowed some of them are going to die by his hand. I think a demon offered him Harris' baseball bat he used on the last group he found." She shuddered at that. "Exactly." He looked around again. "Any missions in last minute prep?" No one said anything. "Any in the next day I need to look at first?"

"You were due to go out with the team in about a week to handle another lab thing," the main computer guy said. "Not sure, Colonel." He looked at someone. Who pulled it up to show him.

"That needs to be ended and we're doing a favor for England to cover their asses. No. Can the civilians be saved?" That handler shook her head. "At all?"

"All dead already."

"Then let it be known. That's not ours, we're not doing it, and I'm not into covering up our mistakes anyway. Stopping them, yes. Covering them up, no." He looked around again, staring at Peacemaker, who shook his head and looked down. "Anything I need to hear right now?"

"We've only lost one member of that current team," that handler said, lifting her chin. "They're not working together very well but they're handling it fine."

"That's fine. All current, former, and future possible members can do some training together. I know we won't trust each other, and most of us don't like each other, but we damn sure will learn how to handle a field situation so we're not killed by semi-friendly fire because we're arguing."

"Yes, sir," a few mumbled.

"Thank you. I'll be going over those mission files tonight. Tomorrow I'll go over handler methods and those things to see where things are sticky or stinky. We'll figure all that out." He relaxed himself and crossed his arms over his chest. "Anything else I have to hear right this moment?" No one said anything. "Then get me those files and have an easier night than I will." They left.

"It's cute how you went macho with the arms crossed thing," Harley quipped as she was led off by a guard.

He snorted. "Keep it up and I'm going to make you profile any newbies to the team, Quinn."

"Yeah, yeah, give me something to do at night," she said dryly. "They only let me have little kid books. I'm tired of pokey puppies."

"I'll see about that too. You being bored is going to cause me more problems," he complained. The others in the prison were led out and he went to get those files so he could see what needed stopped and what needed to be handled.

He got to use the phone number he had been handed earlier by the head of the army to talk to him about two missions that had his people screwing up again within an hour. And suggested one could be handled by them if they wanted. He forwarded those files. That general wasn't happy but he did growl a bit. It was almost amusing.

***

One of the underground reporters at a minor tv station in the midwest smiled at the camera. "I think it's very interesting that we're being protected by young women and we have no idea who they are. So for the next few weeks I'm going to be going over the profiles of our senior slayers, and the males that help them as watchers, hunters, or trainers.

"Because I'm sure we're all wondering about that guy who was testifying with Senior Slayer Lehane recently. We know almost nothing about him but he's been doing it just as long as she has." The camera cut for the commercial and they watched it and approved it then she moved to tape her reports on the senior slayers.

She had done her homework. She had talked to Buffy's former high school friends. She had talked to survivors of Sunnydale High, including many in that group's year. She had found people who had known all of them, and the offshoot group in LA and about that military project and who were willing to spill information. She had also asked some clan elders around her grandmother, who played bridge with her.

Her grandmother was so proud of her baby girl, all human but protecting both communities. And spilling dirt so people would look up to Xander. Her grandmother thought he was hot. Especially when she found out someone had taken pictures of him on the swim team.

***

Faith woke up to a staring higher power. She sat up with a moan, staring at her. "What's up, Cordelia?"

"We, well they, plotted to have Xander take a bigger role than the Council to protect the girls more. His recent warping of the prophecy isn't *bad*. It's useful. It nearly fixed it, but in three years we'll have another invasion and we'll need someone with some sense in charge."

"X is three years too young to run for anything."

"Oh. I didn't think about that. The other's not forty-five either. Huh. They're probably about the same age." She grimaced, her face scrunching up. "Huh. Okay, well, I'll make that note. Maybe we can do something...."

"The next prez election is this year. So it'll be four and five before he takes office."

"That sucks. That'll derail the plans totally." She huffed. "Okay. You can warn him. Others did and he sidestepped it with the whole videos thing." She waved. "Tell everyone to batten down the hatches. This spring's going to be a bitch too." She faded out.

"Fuck you for the visions, Cordelia!" Xander shouted from his room. "Damn bitch!"

Faith sighed, laying back down. "Great. Just great. The girls will freak."

***

"Mr. Harris, where is your birth certificate?" the DMV worker asked patiently.

"It's mythical because it's never existed." He pointed at two documents. "I had to use the alternate documentation you guys require now."

"Then how do we know your birth date and that you're a born citizen?"

He pointed again. "That's the social service record from when I was a kid. The one underneath is a certified letter from a judge back in California, though a few years old, that states what is known about my birth. My mother was so drunk she didn't realize she was in labor with her first kid until some monster apparently attacked her leg and the paramedics had to come save her from me. The paramedic later told me he remembered my birth because it was so unusual but it was dated somewhere about June 11th."

She sighed and read that, frowning at the facts in the judicial letter. "Oh, dear." She looked at him. "How did you get into school?"

"Sunnydale didn't care. The schools were just fattening pens for the later food sources for vampires." He shrugged. "I survived it at least."

"Oh." She went to get her supervisor, who came back with the rule book and went over what he had. She looked at him. "We still do demand a birth certificate."

"The judge said they could not backdate and enter it." He pointed at that letter again. "It's in the last paragraph. He decided June 11th was close enough because the paper listed that incident for the week and only had about a two or three day lag time at times. The paramedic told him what he told me. My mother agreed she was so drunk she didn't realize she was pregnant, much less in labor. Apparently I was a bad burrito." He shrugged again.

The supervisor shook her head. "There's some people who should not have been having children."

"Thankfully Sunnydale had a high rate of miscarriages so I'm the only one." He grinned. "Cali said they couldn't backdate and insert my birth certificate and they couldn't give me a new one based on this incident. She tried to file my father's with a September date but the person in Sunnydale told her it was my father's. Mom apparently decided any one was good enough. The social services records state the same thing." He pointed at them. "I used your list of alternate documentation."

"You clearly did. Does the Social Security administration accept that?" He nodded and pointed at the card he had put in the pile. "Oh. That's fine." She looked over the rules then at his pile. "You did comply and bring us everything we could need to verify it's you."

"I went to the judge hoping he'd grant me a birth certificate. He said he couldn't. I've done all I can but I do need my license renewed and I came extra early because of all this mess. Sunnydale's DMV usually just shrugged off weird things like me and vampires but last time I came in for my renewal here they took an extra month."

"I can see why." She looked at his record. "It is stated here." She read it over the nodded. "They did agree that you've fulfilled the old requirements. The new ones were stricter but... Yes, we can renew it." She looked at her worker then at him. "I have no idea what'll happen if the rules get stricter again, Mr. Harris."

"Me either but I might just move to another country by then." She smiled and left. "Thank you!" He looked at the worker, who shook her head but did process the renewal and took the new picture for his license. He paid and went to wait for it to be printed out. His whole file went back into his messenger bag for now. He had other copies at home, certified copies just in case. So he was back at the center within an hour. "Giles, they made notes. They were competent!" he said with a grin. "It's amazing!"

"That is amazing," he admitted. "Did it go all right?"

"Yeah. They saw the prior notes and all that." He went to open the door someone was knocking on. "It figures that the flag on my file popped up when I renewed my license. What do you want?"

"Mr. Harris, how did you get into school?"

"Sunnydale?" he laughed. "Care about things like paperwork?" He snorted. "Yeah, right."

"Oh."

"I don't have a shot record either. I got a few through the school but otherwise, no idea."

"Damn it."

"I got the ones I needed for traveling."

"That's fine I suppose." He stared at him. "Why is there a flag?"

"Remember us talking about that program that was torturing demons?" The agent nodded. "Them."

"Oh." He nodded once more. "All right. We'll try to remove it since it just gives us work. Though you do have a secondary flag for weapons?"

"I'm allowed to keep and use weapons, by federal order of multiple governments. It's not like you guys give us weapons. I have to find them somehow."

"Oh, I didn't think about that. We don't?"

"Hell no and when we asked all the agencies they said they'd rather see humanity die. That was the head of the ATF's letter back to us. He would rather let humanity die than provide us with weapons to protect them and others."

"Great."

"We keep them in a scrapbook because we have to bring them out each time agents complain that we had to use weapons. Wanna see it?"

"Sure, why not." Giles got it to hand over. "Oh, he did." He read through them and the various permissions for the Council and Harris himself or any other field watchers to own, use, and buy weapons however they got them. "I suppose it's taking them off the black market and we know you're not going to use them on civilians."

"I'd hope not," Giles said dryly. "Though a few times we have been tempted at the protestors."

"That needs to be stopped too, but again, they're women saving people and that freaks the male aesthetic going on around here." He waved a hand. "It's sad India's better with their gender gap."

The agent looked at him, handing back the book. "I would say we'd do that but you're right." He looked at Giles. "People are wondering about how bad Sunnydale was thanks to a few recent stories by some of your people."

"You can tell them about my birth certificate." Xander took that form to copy, handing the agent the copy of it. "That's the judge's statement."

He read it over, looking very confused. "What the hell?"

"Exactly." He grinned. "Have fun!"

"Yeah, I can do that. Thank you for cooperating, Harris." He left them to talk or whatever they did all day. The ones looking into Sunnydale got that copy and they read it as a group then frowned and went looking at the records. Yes, it had been that stupid out there apparently. The letter even explained why the school records listed him as a September 23rd birthday thanks to his mother and then Rosenburg fixing the files so they were 'correct'. It had been one of her earlier hacking jobs apparently.

***

Xander dragged Andrew, Faith, and Buffy into the office and shut them in. "It'll affect us four the most," he told Giles. "Because Willow's talking about how to have a baby someday soon. She's picking out sperm donors."

"That's good for her though," Giles said.

Buffy winced. "I'm kinda okay with that."

Faith shook her head and so did Andrew. "She's abused the hell out of us. Do we think she won't spell someone because they piss the kid off? Or her about her kid?"

"Did you never meet her mother?" Andrew asked Buffy. Who nodded. "She's already a lighter version of that. And I hate to note it but she did snap at me yesterday for daring to float pots." Buffy winced.

Xander nodded. "She'd have to stay off magic the whole pregnancy too probably."

Giles took off his glasses. "There are ways of handling pregnant witches," he said. "The coven could help."

All four younger people stared at him. "They don't even do anything when she does something major," Buffy said quietly. Andrew put up something to make sure Willow couldn't hear. "The last time she turned some of the protestors into kittens and couldn't find them all? They just sighed, Giles."

"And that's major magic, not growing herbs to help the morning sickness," Xander said. "If she could time it right, it'd be okay, but not her."

"It is not really our choice," Giles reminded them.

"Yeah, tell that to the fur I'm still shaving thanks to her last week. She thought it'd be *fun* to change me. Again. Against my will and without telling me. She was teaching one of the minis how. Thankfully I remembered that pain and got Andrew to block it for me." Andrew grinned so Xander swatted him on the arm. "Doesn't the coven get on you for being a guy with magic?"

"Yeah. I threatened them with scientific horrors of the universe." He looked at Giles. "Think about what she'll do during a mood swing, Giles."

"I'll talk to her about it. I can see if she's considered certain implications, like nine months without magic."

"Giles, newborns fuss, a lot," Buffy said. "I'm a bit worried thinking what she'll do with the baby's colicy times when it won't sleep for days on end."

Xander nodded. "And we'll be the one she takes that out on. I can also tell you that a lot of the girls won't be in this house if she goes that way. They've got fleeing from her plans." Giles winced, slumping some but nodding. "And the old liners were making plots about having her sterilized.

"That's one of their problems they were plotting the other day. Along with adding some sort of contraceptive to the slayer's meals so they can't ever have one." He stared at the older man who was probably close to what a father should be for him. "And if she does get knocked up, I'm fleeing for my life and going somewhere magic cannot find me. Ever."

"I understand that," he decided. "You have born the brunt of her temper in the past, Xander. Three of the four of you really." Buffy nodded that was true, she was a best friend, not Willow's target the way the others were. "I will talk to her about practical matters and then nag the others about that issue as well."

"At least she's not going out to bars and being risky," Faith said.

Xander looked at her. "I have no idea why none of us noted one day two months ago." Andrew frowned and looked at his online journal. He wrote down the day's details every day. "You're missing two months ago, on a Saturday?"

"I am," he said with a frown. "And the next day was written I had a headache so I was in bed all day."

"You did?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah, the next night was that beef dish no one liked." He grimaced but put his phone back in his pocket. "So most people may be missing two days, not one."

Xander nodded. "Could be." They stared at Giles. They got it more than Faith did.

"I will speak with her. If that is her choice we will support her and help you four survive." They sighed but left it with him. He went up to talk to Willow, tapping gently on her door. "May we speak, Willow?"

"Sure. I know I freaked out Xander when he caught me looking at sperm donor sites."

"He did have a few good points." He shut the door and sat down on her bed, facing her since she was at her desk. "What's your thinking on this matter?"

"I thought it was about time to have a kid to follow me. Someone I can depend on."

"Yes, but children would depend on you, not you on them." She looked confused. "Willow, did your mother use you as a therapist?"

"No."

"Yet, most children use their parents that way. Good parents keep communication open so they can help their children as they grow up." He took off his glasses. "They talk about things that are important and not. Your child won't be the one you depend on, you'll be the one they depend on." He stared at her. "There's also the issue of magic while pregnant."

"Witches can do magic."

"Yes but it's simple things like healing and growing spells, and healing humans is not part of that actually, just plants or not very injured animals. Simple, non-tiring spells." Willow winced and grimaced at that. "Xander and Andrew both noted that you've been doing bigger spells again and if you were pregnant that would have to end before it forced you to miscarry when you use the baby's energy."

She slumped but nodded at that. "Most witches do very little magic during their pregnancy because it can actually attune the baby to it. Some light things will still do the same thing but the baby you would have with the way you use magic would be heavily contaminated I'm afraid.

"Your hellmouth taint, and the powers that drain through you daily, would destroy the infant." She bit her lip and nodded. "Also, do note that we do not like how you seem to take your bad moods out by abusing Xander and Andrew, and sometimes Faith." He stared at her. "That should stop immediately."

"I do not abuse them!"

"Willow, Xander's complained that you tried to change him again the other day. That is abusive."

"I was teaching Willia how to do it!"

"She doesn't need to know," he said firmly. "And I doubt her mother would like that spell being taught to her. Also, it's wrong to do that to someone without asking their permission unless it's a matter of your safety." She opened her mouth. He held up a hand. "That is the definition of abusive, Willow. It truly is. The same as you've attacked Andrew again for daring to use the same skills you have and use because he's male."

"He's not anywhere near the spells I do."

"He doesn't push himself the way you do," he said blandly, staring at her. "He has enough power to do what you've done but he does not wish to. He's rather more enamored of science things most of the time." He put back on his glasses. "If you should have a child, we would have to guard against the same problems with them when they're cranky and fussy. As someone pointed out, babies get colic and cry for days on end because their stomachs are upset."

"I can fix that with a calming spell. Matrise said she did."

"Matrise is a healer," he said. "You are not. That is not where your talents lie, Willow. You've never done a healing spell correctly. It's helped some in emergencies, but most of the time you try one without it being an emergency you manage to bollix it up so hard it becomes harmful. Like with Sidra's arm."

She winced at that reminder. "You would not be allowed to magic the baby at all. Also, I would demand that you take parenting classes. Because your parents were not decent at it. The same as I would be demanding Xander took some if I found out he was expecting."

"We're nothing like our parents!" she said loudly, getting up to pace. "I haven't complained to any school board yet or anything, Giles."

"Willow, you are very much like your mother from what I've seen of her. The way you complain, the thought process that makes you think you're always right and no one else can be, all that came from her." She paused to stare at him. He nodded, standing up. "I adore you as a child I helped blossom into this young woman you are now," he said gently.

"But I must be honest at the same time. Your skills with nurturing are not exactly the highest rated. You ignored the whole nursery needing things one night when you stood watch over them. You forgot to feed them, clean them, or anything, for nine hours straight, even though they were crying."

"I cast a silencing spell so no one else could hear them. And there were five of them."

"Even when it was just one of them screaming for something you ignored it." He stared down at her. "You're a charming girl and I think of you like a daughter, Willow, but you are not maternal. What happens when your child irritates you? Will Xander have to take the baby to hidden areas to hide it from you like we did Dawn for a few weeks because she was having a problem and getting upset by it?" She got free of him.

He stared at her. "It's an honest question. There's many things you must think about before you decide to purchase the donor sperm you're looking at. And if it's already too late, as we've now realized you erased our memories of a few days, then you will be going to the coven tonight. That way they can make sure your magic does not harm that precious little life you carry."

"You wouldn't be doing this if it was Buffy."

"Buffy is much more nurturing than you are, Willow. She stepped up to be a big sister the younger slayers, she and Faith both. You barely stand them at dinner. If she wished a child, we'd arrange things and make sure she got parenting classes. She took some of her own free will when she got overwhelmed by the minis.

"She goes to a support group for mothers of multiple children actually. That way she has a parent with experience she can talk to if she needs to. Faith knows a few locally and they help her when the minis give her hell for too long.

"Frankly, one of them suggested beating the living hell out of a few of them and Faith denied it. Buffy considered it but then decided to make them sorry in other, less harmful manners. Including all that extra sparring practice Xander was handing out to them for their issues.

"Xander goes to a bar where a few experienced fathers he can lean on can give advice. They realize when he's in there it's the girls driving him batty again." He stared at her. "You must heal from what your own mother did in your life before you perpetuate it into their generation."

"I won't be going on speaking tours!"

"No, you'll be traveling to other houses, doing some studying here and there, and back and forth to Devon. Which would mean the child would need a second parent to watch out for them. I do not truly mind you going through IVF for that, Willow, or even having an accident some night, but the very thought of you having a child, or attempting to have a child, would set the other watchers to try to harm you for it.

"They've apparently expressed an opinion that they want to sterilize you just in case." She glared. "Exactly. There are things that must be figured out. And if you are pregnant, you can figure them out with the coven. If not, you have time to consider options and answers to those questions.

"Including how you'll pay for it as the insurance won't cover IVF treatments. It would cover pregnancy but not IVF." He stared down at her. "If you wish to think about having a child, I want you to come to me with a list of how things will need to change with your duties to allow you to care for the child."

"I can do the same job."

"You cannot take a child on patrol, Willow," he sighed. "None of the girls may. If you sat in the library just researching all day you could bring the child with you and go with them when it was an emergency so they were safe. A child will change your priorities, as they should."

"I can still help the girls even if I was pregnant."

"No you could not. Magic on that level would kill the child. It'd be sacrificed to power the spell. It'd go first, before your personal stores. We've seen it happen a number of times, intentionally and not. If you ask Matrise, she'll tell you that. Or Belinda." He patted her on the cheek. "I want you to think on what you'd need to do and then come to me before you make such a decision, Willow. That way we make sure you'll both be safe. Now, is this an immediate flight to England tonight situation or not?"

"No!" She huffed. "I just thought I wanted someone to depend on."

"And yet, a child won't do that job for you. It would need to depend on you, not you on it." She sat down with a pout. "If you truly wish a child, we can work things out. We'll go over the precautions you'll need and all that. We can schedule you parenting classes within days of you finding out. Or before if you wish to take them sooner."

She looked at him. "It's not a bad idea. You do deal with children all day long. The same as I'd have to get on the library team for thinking that was the staff's job to handle, and have in the past. I made a few of them take those lessons as well and they failed miserably."

She nodded. "I'll think about that too."

"Good girl. Come to me to talk about these things. We can help you go through the decision making process and point out where you haven't seen an issue, like we don't have a nursing area set up right now." She grimaced, looking disgusted. "Well, we would expect you'd want somewhere to feed the baby, Willow."

"I'd use formula."

He nodded. "Which is a fine choice as well but that would still be a good area to quietly and calmly sit and feed them."

"My daughter would be fine with the other slayers watching her eat."

"And if you had a son?" She went pale. "Please tell me you're not already pregnant, Willow." She shook her head. "Go take a test?"

"I did last month. That's what got me thinking." She huffed. "I should complain at Xander for telling you about all this."

"I should have heard from you," he reminded her. "Such big decisions can impact the girls here." She nodded with a grimace, waving a hand. "Fine. Come talk to me later if you need help with the decision making process or ideas on how to handle probable issues." He left her to think and had the coven put up protections around Xander and Andrew again so anything Willow did would flash back onto her instead.

He wouldn't tell the old biddies that she was thinking about getting pregnant. They'd probably make sure she could never do that. He gathered the old watchers after dinner, staring at them. "Stop plotting, people. Permanently. I've talked to Willow about her ideas about becoming a mother." They all winced but he smiled.

"I have inserted some reality and suggested some things that may need to happen. Including that she would be no magic while pregnant." They nodded. "Also, quit plotting to keep the girls on birth control. Most of them are already on that because it ends their cycles for a few months at a time. Plus how she would need parenting classes. As I believe many of you could use as well."

He gave a few a pointed look. "You're always peeved with the girls needing things but they are children and need things to grow up healthy and happier than any of us did. Social Services did want us to mandate anyone who had constant contact with the children to take parenting classes but so far we've avoided a lot of that. They found experienced parents to help with that sort of problem."

"We can ease up on the girls," one said.

"The one you glared at for daring to cry at a scraped knee?" Giles reminded him.

"Oh, that. Well, it was annoying."

"Yes, and a simple hug and bit of tissue blotting would've cured it. Faith managed it. Why could you not?"

"I..." He sighed. "That's a point. Most of us are not very paternal towards the girls. Getting close to them means that someday we'll have to watch a child we actually liked dying."

Giles nodded. "We've all faced that. I face it nightly with Buffy and the others. Being cold and impersonal won't help that any. If one of them died tomorrow, you'd still feel it."

"I can agree with that. Many of us were raised in the kitchen by the staff and the nanny."

Giles nodded. "So was I. Thankfully she was a wonderful woman who taught me to care about others." They nodded they realized that problem. "But they are young women and we'll have a lot more showing up some year when the ones at home need training or the future slayers need training and show up here.

"Years of girls rotating in and out of the house. Most of us won't really retire because we have no sense, but we'll die here somehow helping the girls as is our duty." They nodded they knew that. "So quit plotting and do become a bit more uncleish at least if you can. You're making it harder on the girls and yourselves."

They nodded. Another one cleared his throat. "Is Rosenburg pregnant?"

"No. She's thinking and was caught looking at donor sperm sites."

"Oh, dear." He shared a look with the others then at him. "We've been sneaking her contraceptive spells monthly, Rupert. We did not want to see the horrors she'd unleash during a mood swing. The coven's been helping us."

"I'm aware of the coven trying that and so is she. She's avoided it plenty of times." They whined. "And do stop that. That's a decision for her to make. Though if does end up pregnant she'll be going to the coven immediately or some other place that will help her and support her. She's already been told it was to be low magical use while she was up the duff, and why. Do pull that book for her?"

The head librarian nodded he could do that. "Plus with some other issues she'd have to think about first. Things like colic." They looked confused. "That's the crying all day and night for days due to a stomachache thing." That got a mass nod then a mass shudder. "Exactly. Xander was worried about what she'd do to him and Andrew if she had mood swings."

He looked around again. "Quit with that spell. Quit plotting completely. The girls deserve to be happy, healthy young women and if they want a family some day they'll take the precautions they need to. All we can do is be supportive of their decisions. Frankly, I'm shocked we haven't had a teenage pregnancy yet."

"Um, I think Harris had a talk with her and helped her figure out what to do," one said. "Though she's had another one recently."

"I'll talk to him later." He looked at them. "Do be nicer to the young ones especially. They don't have a family either." He waved a hand. "Go." They left. "Xander?" he called. He leaned in a minute later. "We have a pregnant slayer?"

"We have three pregnant slayers if I'm honest about it and including the ones who're at home. Why?"

"Did one have an early one terminated?"

"No, I caught her miscarrying. She wasn't aware that there were things she could do to handle that so she bought the drug online." Giles sighed but nodded. "It was the King of teenage Pregnancies, Budweiser. We had a long talk that night. She decided last year she wanted to have her kid early so she figured out how. And told me.

"I pointed out her age, she should be out of college, all that. But Missy knows her own mind. I made her make plans, including things like how to pay a babysitter who wasn't another slayer. She went over a lot of the ideas and I took her to the parents I go to for advice to talk about it first. They agreed she had ideas and they weren't *bad* but they all noted her age. She pointed out slayers didn't last to be forty usually so she had to do it sooner instead of later."

"Has she seen anyone?"

"Yeah. She goes to all her prenatal exams. She's got an OB in town at that one clinic that likes us. I made damn sure she had one in case the slayer stuff caused a problem or she got into another fight at school. She's due just after graduation."

"I wish I had known."

"She told you she was going home to her parent's farm."

"Oh, yes she did. All right." He rubbed his forehead. "The other two?"

"Talia and Maggie?"

"Both at home, both settled down, both able to be backed up easily by girls nearby," he said. "Did they plan it?"

"Maggie did. She talked to the local girls first. One asked me about appropriate baby gifts so I talked to Maggie to make sure she was safe and didn't need help, or could find it if she needed it or come running back here if she needed to."

"That's reasonable and I applaud that. In the future, if they're in the house I wish to know. Or if they're on patrol status."

"No, the talk I had with the girls, and I have it every year about that stuff and personal responsibility and the risks of clubbing and drinking and stuff, that point was pushed. The minute you pop up a plus sign on that test, you're off rotation until at least six months after birth.

"No arguing, no begging will change that. Not even if it's an apocalypse. The girls know they've got a right to a real life but they also know that there's some common sense things in there that have to be handled as well. That's the biggest one."

"Have we had others I wasn't aware of?"

"Yeah. Two that I know of had abortions." He nodded a bit. "One I drove to her appointment and held her hand afterwards. The other went with one of the senior girls. I think Kennedy."

"That's fine. I'll gladly help them with that as well if they want me to."

"I'll let them know when I have the next talk about common sense things."

"Thank you." He sighed. "You handle it fairly well."

"I'm just running the other way from what my own parents did, and Willow's parents too." He walked off looking happier. He hugged that girl when he found her. "Go talk to Giles. He just found out."

She nodded, going to talk to him. She expected him to notice it sooner. She was starting to show.

Buffy grinned. "She's got good plans. She was worrying about a few things."

"I only worry if her parents don't know," Xander quipped. He went to get something to nibble and check the house's security system. He got Andrew to help him check a spot that was reading off. They found someone waiting and handled it then called in someone to get the idiots. And an ambulance to get the two girls they had knocked out. Giles came storming out to see what had happened but Xander waved a hand. "They're just knocked out, Giles." He nodded at that. "We stopped 'em. Andrew helped a lot."

"Chemistry can win many arguments," Andrew said happily.

"You're scary but in a good way," another of the girls said, giving him a hug and a pat. He smiled, going inside to calm himself down.

***

Xander stepped into the next battle shaking his head. "I don't do this to save people who hate me," he reminded himself in a mutter. "But they don't deserve to die so the rest of us do too." He shot a demon and ducked another's swing, taking a swing back with his axe. Which he lost a few minutes later to it sticking in a body.

He pulled off his backup axe and took another swing at another demon. "Just die already!" he shouted. "Damn! I had things to do today! My new comics are in!" The demon huffed but tried to take his head off again so Xander repaid it. "Someone get my axe free please!" he called when more people showed up.

"Sure, Harris," Flag called back. He found it and used it a few times then handed it over. "Bullets?"

"Beheading somehow. Doesn't matter how." He looked at him then they both ducked. "I told you to stop that, mother fucker. I meant it." He killed that one and moved on. "I do not like having to save people who hate me and the slayers, but if I don't take you out, others who're innocent will die too," he said in a sing-song as he worked.

"So unfortunately they're saved too." He killed another one and then something blew off the next one's head. "Fully behead," he called back. "Blow the head off the neck sort, not the brains out please!" Whoever nodded and tried it again on that same demon. It died this time.

"Thanks!" He went back to his duty, which he was cursing himself for. He took a swing up and got another demon's dick split, making it scream and die suddenly. "Those need castrated. The blue ones are blow anything above the nose off. I can't spot anything else different so just try to blow the head off if you do."

"Good to know," a male voice said.

Xander glanced over. "Peacemaker?"

"Knighthawk."

"Xander Harris, senior watcher in normal life. You?"

"Still Peacemaker, villain and part time good guy."

Xander nodded. "I'm about top five on a few realms thanks to days like this." He grinned and then ducked a blow and killed that demon before moving on. "Jump the fuck in, dude. Just don't hit on the slayers or I'll get you in the nuts again."

Peacemaker shook his head but he was smiling. "He temped at that fighting ring for stress relief," he quipped.

"Hell yes. I'm surrounded by girls all day. Especially teenage girls." He ducked Harley jumping him and pushed her aside then hit that demon. "Those red ones are poisonous to women," he said, handing her his backup sword.

"Oh, honey, I've got my own." She pulled out one so he took his backup back and let her get down to it. "The green ones we castrate?"

"Yup," he called. "Blow the head off the main ones. The blue just anything above the nose. Anything weird try that first and then yell if it doesn't work." She nodded, humming a merry tune as they took out huge demons trying to kill a bunch of senators they had hostage. "Great, it's the ones who hate everyone who fights demons, guys. They're here to complain."

"Yay," Flag called back. "I've been in many stupid places, but this is the worst yet."

"No, I've been in worse battles," Xander quipped. "I had two naked ones in Africa. Not fun with a sword."

Harley giggled. "You poor man sort."

"Yes I was. But they pulled me out of bed and wouldn't let me put on clothes. The other just thought clothes were our version of shells." He nodded and took out another one. He looked around. "Two last groups," he called with a point. "One behind the hostages, one coming in on the truck it looks like. But they could be peaceful."

"We can check," Flag ordered, passing that back to the military helping them. "The truck's peaceful," he called. "They're helping."

"If they want to, thank them for it," Xander called back, rushing for the other group. He took a running leap, something he had seen in a movie, and landed on top of the demon to kill it. Of course he got thrown off and winded from landing so hard but he got up and went back to it.

"I should practice that move more," he decided. He had the chance and cut one of the senator's free, handing over his belt knife. "Free them, then run like hell." She nodded, doing that. He went back to it, nodding at Flag. "Thanks for the help."

"Where's DC's slayer?" he called.

"Sixteen, has mono, and is swearing in her closet where her mom locked her."

"Great. Poor kid. Not her job yet anyway." He beat another few and Xander got another. His team blew off the head of the last one and he relaxed. "Finally!" he sighed.

Xander was leaning down to catch his breath, holding onto his axe. "Fuck, I hate battles." He straightened up and glared at the military guy trying to take his axe. "Private property, boy. Move it. I'm Council." The guy backed off, hands up. "Thank you." He took his knife back from someone.

"Thank you for that as well. Silver stripes on the blade cost a ton. I hate to replace that one again." He tucked it back where it went. He took off his shirt to clean off his axe head and then his backup axe. His backup sword only got a gentle swipe because his shirt was too messy to do a good job. "Okay. Let me fade into the atmosphere."

"C'mon, we're heading uptown. You can run from there," Flag said, hauling him with the team.

"Okay, thanks for the ride. I'm at the Hilton so anywhere near there please." They nodded, dropping him off nearby. "Have fun, guys. Thanks for the help," he said as he got out and walked inside. The desk check in girl gave him a horrified look. "Sorry, I really need a shower. There was a demon battle."

"Are you checked in here, sir?"

"Harris, Council."

"Oh! Okay. I'll send the maid up to bring more little soaps?"

"Please. They smell really nice!" He grinned, getting onto the elevator to go take the much needed shower. He was sweaty underneath the blood and goo on him. He came out to find agents going through his stuff and his axe missing so he summoned it back with the charm and stared at them as he put it onto his necklace. "Howdy. Problems?"

"Mr. Harris, why weren't we warned about a battle in downtown DC?"

"I did. When I heard, I warned you guys and put it on twitter on our official channel. I called 911 to warn them too. It's not my fault no one passed on my message to you guys." He got into his phone to show the call log. "See, right there. All called, everyone we're supposed to notify in any city."

The agent took down the numbers and times with a huff. "They did not tell us."

Xander nodded. "That happens a lot. Then I get blamed for having a battle that I just fought, instead of summoning it or creating it, and then people decide to ignore things. Right now, some conservative politician is screaming on some news program that we had a battle that saved some of his coworkers. I've narrowed that list down to three but one was one of the hostages so probably not him.

"Or he's complaining that we freed him. One of the two." He grabbed some clothes to put on. "Anything else you guys wanna talk about today? Since the battle lasted for two hours and your building was only four blocks away yet no agents stepped in to help?" He grinned sweetly.

"I don't like that implication."

"Then, dude, where were you earlier? The battle was two hours long."

"We went into lockdown. That's the military's job."

"And they showed up. We really could've used a few agents to sneak over to free the hostages at least. Or blow up the propane they brought with them to cook the hostages after they sacrificed them because their higher being would want them cooked."

The agents all shuddered. "Jump the fuck in, dude. We enjoy it and we allow anyone to jump in, even if it's their first fight with a sword. We do expect them to not bother the girls if they're at the battle too, but otherwise we welcome any help during battles."

The agents huffed off. Xander was missing a few things and summoned them back by calling Willow to summon them home. She got all but his journal, which he got back specifically. Then he checked out and took some of the soaps home. It was nice to find good smelling soaps that covered demon stink.

***

Rick Flag walked into the women's changing area and backed Harley against a wall. "Are you a slayer?" he asked, staring down at her.

"No." She grinned. "My foster mom was though. She aged out. I used to workout with her in case we were attacked. She was my foster mom for about eight months."

He blinked a few times. "So you did some training."

"Yeah." She nodded. "That's how I know how to handle a sword." She grinned. "Are you trying to look scary?"

"No." He backed off. "Intimidating maybe." He stared at her. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's need-to-know," she snorted. "The ex found out and that's why he used to bring vampires in to torture so I could stake something now and then." She slid into her shorts and pulled her hair back up. "But that's all in the past now."

"Uh-huh." He stared at her. "Take more training?"

"If I want to." She strolled past him. "Later, Ricky. Gotta go clean the crud out from under my nails."

He huffed, going to make the note that one of her foster mothers had taught her a bit about sword work in her file. Just in case. He settled in to watch the news coverage of the battle. Harris was clearly tired by the time they got there. Politicians were thanking him for saving them, hoping the slayer that was sick got better soon, and hoped that never happened again. A few wondered about the grill so called the Council to ask.

Giles' statement was blunt about all that and their girl at home in DC being sixteen meant she wasn't on unless the apocalypse battle was going to take her or her family out. They had others to cover until she finished growing up. The fact that the demons were going to sacrifice those ones then cook them grossed out everyone and they never mentioned it again that night.
Flag shook his head, turning it off to go home and rest. He hated battles like that. He had no idea why or how that kid did it.

***

The next time the Squad ran into the Council, outside a few of Xander's ex's being taken out by them, it was a few years later. An invasion again but bigger than the one in LA had been. This one was going to take down the east coast. Other heros were helping in their own areas. The girls were helping where they were stationed.

Xander had been sent to lead a small group of normal guys who had taken training, and a few agents, against the held back group of demons. If they could get them down they could stop the portals. Of course, they had more on hand so it was a losing position to try so bluntly. And Xander realized that, he told the guys that.

He gave them all some explosives they could set off if they made it near the portal. They all agreed this sucked and if they died, they'd meet up for beers in the afterlife. Of course, it was one of the worst battles in the US right now. Nearly unlimited fresh backup forces and they had to fight them to get three hundred feet to a portal. They had picked a good spot to put the master portal.

Xander was almost the last one. One of the guys had decided to take out a group of demons by blowing himself up with them. Xander was about to do that. He tossed his explosives pack to another guy and he lobbed it into the portal after starting it. It damaged it at least. Xander was down to a last resort. Though he had a bad idea. "I need a knife," he called. "Right now."

"Going to stab yourself?" a demon snorted happily. "It figures, Knight."

"Not exactly but yeah." One landed next to him so he used it to cut open his arm and pull out the hidden thing. "Sorry, dudes," he called. "Really sorry."

"Set it off!" someone shouted. "If we die, fine!"

"Five hundred yards," he shouted. Then he armed that device and threw it at the portal. He ran, bringing the others with him. The bomb went off, vaporizing the portal and half the area on the other side of the main portal. Xander slumped, staring at it. "Bite me and die from it," he muttered. He took his arm from the guy next to him. He looked at him. "Aren't you guys working near the prison or something?"

"New Orleans was finished," he admitted. "We just landed here. You good, Harris?"

"No. And anyone exposed to anything from that, I'm really sorry about your future of blood tests." He looked at his remaining guys. "I've been exposed to bio germs. Sorry."

"No, it was necessary. How did you get an atomic weapon?"

"I gave a really nasty blow job to knock the idiot out then stole it." He grinned. "Kinda necessary." He stared at the spot, triggering his phone's earbud. "It's Xander, the main portal is down. I repeat it is down. I had to use the present I got from Maya's big brother sort." He hung up. Then he sighed. "How many more battles?"

"Too many," Rick complained. "Let's get you guys to medical." Xander nodded, shooing his guys with him. "Test Harris' blood for the biogerms he's been exposed to."

Xander wrote down a number then looked at the paramedic. "You'll need someone with MI-5 or 6 access to get into that. It's the full bloodwork as of sixteen months ago," he said quietly. "Including things I got from ghosts." The paramedic nodded, calling that in. "It'll only relate here. It shouldn't have blown through the slave portals."

"Only two got a bit of radiation but not more than an x-ray worth," the paramedic reported. Xander sighed and nodded, taking the bandage to use for his arm. "Sir, we can take you to get stitches."

Xander shook his head. "No thank you. Sorry but no. Take good care of the rest of the team please." He called in again. "Send me to the next one I need to hit," he ordered.

"Harris, at least get a drink," Flag ordered.

"I'm good. I don't need to pee in the middle of the battle." The witches removed him. He looked at the mess then nodded. "Weapons?"

"They're out."

"Bullshit. There's a military base nearby." He stared then nodded once. "Fuck it." He called Andrew. "I need that tinkering project of yours please. Right now. Gotham. This portal's not down." He got sent it and looked then nodded and used the laser cannon to blow up the portal, heading down to handle the stupid demons. A lot easier to use than his axe right now.

Someone tried to hit him so he glared. "Dude, unless you're willing to die, go hit a demon instead." The being tried to hit him again so he shot him on the leg with the cannon, making him fall down screaming. "Good. I don't think this sort of stupid should survive or breed." He kept going, getting a ride with an officer to the main battle area.

"Fuck me, did another portal open?" The heros looked at him and one nodded. "Castrate the green ones. Behead most of the rest. The silvery ones take hydrogen peroxide on any cuts to keep them from growing back," he called. "Which sucks in the middle of a battle." He went back to blowing things away with the laser cannon. He got a main group burned and then blew up the portal they were trying to form. "No, thanks anyway," he called with a smirk and a wave.

"Shit, Knight!" one shouted.

"Yeah and if you owe me poker debts I want them equaled in weapons, right now if possible."

"Not likely!" that voice called back. "Let us help!"

Xander looked over. "Jump the fuck in!" He waved his free hand. "Please!" They jumped in and fought. One did kick a hero out of his way but he beheaded that demon. Xander blew up more of them. Someone did manage to open another portal and Xander grimaced. Andrew called and said to throw the cannon into it, he'd set off the self destruct.

"People, move, we're going with an Andrew plan!" He let the lead demon throw the gun into the portal, he was closer and had better aim. Andrew set it off and they all got blown back by the wave of energy but it ended that portal, and maybe that realm too. "Hey, cool. Thanks, 'Drew!" he called with a wave at the cameras.

He dove in with a sword, handling the problem with the demons for now. The heros were tired. So was he, but it had to happen. His phone activated. "Huge sitch?" he asked. He paused then killed that demon and nodded. "Send me. I can back up Faith and the girls." He tugged a few demons over.

"Send us all. Thanks, Matrise." He looked at the demons as they disappeared. Another one got sent by the local community there but they were a healer. He stared. "This just had to happen today?" he demanded. "They couldn't wait until we were healing and sore and tired?" He picked up the artillery and used it with the girls guarding him with the demon fighters. "Fuck it, someone strike it, we'll fall back."

"Can't," a military person called. "Local base won't."

"Bullshit," Faith called. "Either they help or they're a victim."

"They've locked that base down."

"Is there only one base in this country?" Xander demanded. "We're near New York, get West Point's group! Or New Jersey, Connecticut's, whatever! That's going to take a higher level of weapon than a sword or a minor RPG system. A patriot missile maybe but not an RPG or a grenade."

"That's what we said," Faith called.

"Faith, you and the girls fall back. Guard the civies." She nodded. "Demon teams, do the same thing. Let's find a higher level weapon." They nodded, doing that. They got the injured out of the way thanks to some local covens floating them out to paramedics waiting on the edge of the battle area.

"Fuck!" The guy was trying to call in other military help. He looked up. "Connect me to Flag," he ordered quietly, stomping over there. "Task Force X. Someone on them." The guy got them connected through their switchboard. "It's Harris. The one by New York needs military level weapons, probably higher than a Patriot.

"No base locally will come help. Can you call someone please? Thanks, Harley." He hung up and looked at what they had. "Okay, let's lego this sucker." He got Andrew sent to him and they tinkered with the weapons while the extra large demon, who was a hellspawn, laughed at them.

***

Harley hung up. "Flag, call someone for Harris in New York. They need at least something Patriot sized and no one's helping. All bases are locked down."

He stared at her. "I'm only a colonel," he said. "But yeah, let me try." He called his father. "I know you don't want to hear from me but New York needs immediate military level help and they're denying they're military soldiers, Dad. I don't care how. Harris said larger than a Patriot. Thanks." He hung up. "He'll try." He swallowed some more water as he looked around. "We don't have any here either."

She nodded. "At ours either."

"There were some coming in."

"That was the evac squad," she said, walking over. "Someone needs a head suctioning job."

"Yeah, a lot." They shared a look. "If we had that sort of weapons...." His father called back and said they had a base in Virginia sending up a jet with a bomb. He called that in to Harris, who warned everyone to evacuate the area first. They were pretty accurate but could miss a target by a few feet.

He heard it when the demon up there got exploded. The bomb had hit its head and blown it up. People were injured but they'd probably survive. Flag slumped but nodded, sending out a 'we survived' notice so they could evacuate the squad and others.

This was going to be messy in a few days.

***

"Mr. Harris," the congress person sneered. "Who are you to order anything military?"

"I think I'm the guy that was handling it when your military guys were cowering under their beds and sucking their thumbs," he said bluntly. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a funeral to attend." He got up and walked out.

"Stop him!"

A guard tried and Xander stared at him until he got out of the way. Xander looked back at the senator. "You had me pulled here to talk to your selfish, whoring little group of morons. Next time, you fight it and save yourself. Because I've lost all hope that humanity should survive after the other day." He walked out, letting the door slam behind him.

"The nerve!" the senator shouted.

The Vice President looked at him. "I would've shot you for that insulting question. Now, let's see why the military didn't respond to the mass invasion of the country. Which is why we're actually here before you had him pulled from his duty to his trainees." They glared at her and one shrank away from her. "Now please." She looked at the waiting generals, who came up. "Do you have an answer for that?"

"No, ma'am," one said. "We tried to send out people. Most of the bases were locked down by local orders, not Pentagon orders. The only ones locked by Pentagon orders were two bases that had scientific things going on. They're not soldiers and could only defend themselves."

"Then why did they lock down?" the senator asked.

"Because someone's a thumb sucking coward," the general said bluntly. "I agree with Harris about that. I have some questions for him myself, like how he got a damn nuke into Georgia. And why he had a nuke."

"He had a what?" the VP demanded.

"It was the last ditch, we'll all die but the main portal had to go down event," the head of the Air Force said. "Tactically it was the last move he could make and he was at that point by what we've heard. They gave him some locals who had trained, a few of which were agents, and gave them explosives if any of them made it near the portal to blow it up.

"It was a suicide run that had to be won. He was down to a few of his guys after a few hours and took his last shot. Which worked. Fortunately it was a small yield and blew up on that side of the portal. Almost no radiation spew back on this side or out of most of the other portals. A few reported x-ray level radiation for a few seconds."

The VP stared at him. "Why didn't he use it sooner?"

"Because you fight with the hope you'll make it," the head of the Marines said. "I would've made that call about ten minutes sooner. If the local base had helped any at all, he wouldn't have had to make that call." The other generals all nodded. "He probably didn't expect to survive that but he did manage to get far enough away. It wasn't super high yield. One of the agents said he called a five hundred yard run away from the explosion."

The VP slumped. "Then what happened?"

"The witches moved him to Gotham for their battle. Somehow he had a laser cannon. He used it well. That got blown up in the portal to end that secondary one they had. Some of the peaceful community jumped in to help him and the heros. They hadn't earlier because the heros told them to disappear."

"Were they against them because they were demons? Or because they were heros?" the VP asked.

"Asking one of them, they thought they were innocent civilians trying to help. Didn't want them to get hurt."

He nodded. "I can see that. But we had people jumping in all over."

"Gotham is a bit cut off from most things," the head of the Marines reminded them.

"Point. Then they ended up in New York?"

"We have film from that one, sir," the head of the Navy noted. "They were requested to go help that one because the slayers were about to be overrun by that later appearing demon who needed military support to kill."

"Have you talked to your bases there?" one of the senators asked.

"Yes, ma'am. At the top of my lungs," the head of the Navy said dryly.

"Ditto," the head of the Army said. "And put a lot of them up on charges of cowardice and conduct unbecoming." The other heads nodded they agreed. "We've got a lot of generals who're going to be retiring very shortly. Down to some colonels probably. It'll be good to advance new blood up the ranks."

The VP smirked. "Open trials?"

"Mass trials for the most part."

The head of the army coughed to clear his throat. "Some of my boys and girls tried to get to the battles. They were stopped at the gate. They ended up having the MP guards shoot the ones trying to go handle things that were their job, not the job of slayers and civilians. Those ones, they're being commended for trying. The few that lost their lives trying to get to it, we'll honor. Or at least mine will be." He looked down the table.

"Oh, mine're getting the same thing," the had of the Marines said. "One base got a hostile takeover and the new colonels in charge let the people go. That's who showed up in LA. Got there a bit late, but a base takedown takes some time. That one's getting stars later today."

The VP smirked. "Good of them. I appreciate and applaud that sort of dedication to being a soldier." She looked at the other senators then at them. "What about Harris?"

"Boy's nuts," the head of the Army said. "Never got trained by more than on-the-job training and a possession by a PFC way back when, plus some role playing games we heard. Stepped in to make sure one little girl wasn't saving the world herself. He probably would've done any branch proud."

"Will the Council work with the military?"

"Sometimes. We're not allowed to bother the girls but if we show up to help plan things they'll let us handle that for them. Harris admits he's not fully trained there."

"Why?"

"A few years back you guys looked into a project some of my idiots I've since eliminated from the records did," the head of the Army said dryly. The VP nodded but winced. "I wouldn't trust a damn one of us but they know they need the backup. And if we're near a battle we're free to jump in. Just not allowed near the girls otherwise."

"I guess I can understand that. Do they work with the Army?"

"No," the head of the Marines said. "After hearing about that, Brad and I send our people to help. The Army and the National Guard defer battle orders to us in those cases. We let them field command their own people but we're the ones who liaison and all that so Summers doesn't have to remember that group she helped take down."

"I can see that. As long as it works," he decided. "Critiques of the battles?"

"A whole lotta yahoos who could've helped didn't," the head of the Merchant Marines noted. "You'd expect all those yahoos who hate the slayers for being girls who protect them to show up and protect their own selves."

"Point. We didn't get many of those."

"A few battles did. The rest were hiding in their compounds," the head of the Navy said dryly. "My brother's one and he complained that all their militia people didn't think to step in to help with him. As he put it, too many guns, not enough bullets or brains to use 'em for long."

The VP tried not to grin at that. "I can see that point as well. Any other big critiques?"

"Regional or local evac plans weren't followed, if they had any," the head of the Army noted. "Plenty of places locked down as a shelter in place to keep people out of the battle's way but that did lead to some casualties. Them fleeing would've maybe made more but they wouldn't have been in buildings that got collapsed on top of 'em. Every town really should have one by now." The other heads grunted and nodded.

A female General walked in. "Sorry to interrupt," she said, looking at her boss in the Army. "Sir, six of your units are trying to prevent the slayers from holding a funeral for their fallen girls. I've ordered them captured. They're not listening to me."

"They damn sure will listen to me," he noted, getting up. "Sorry, let me go stomp some more of my idiots." He followed her out to be taken to that area and stomp them in person. The President got there right after him. They ignored them both. They did not ignore a limping guy with a bigger weapon standing at the gates.

"Son," the president called.

"My dad was a drunk, Mr. President. You've never had that sin. Be damned if I'm going to let them hurt the girls." He stared at the head of the units, who was glaring at him. "Proves what sort of soldier you are, didn't it?" The guy tried to charge him. Xander shot him in the neck then put the gun back in the holster. The higher grade weapon was hanging by a harness around his shoulder and under his other arm. "Wanna go again?" he asked the group. They all backed away.

"Arrest them," the president ordered the officers showing up. "Leave Harris alone."

"If they want to arrest me, they can do that. I'll just prove what a lack of manhood they have in jail." Xander stared at the military people again. "Anyone else wanna try something stupid during a funeral?" Buffy came out. "Inside, Buffy."

"Xander."

"Inside. I'm not holding your Irish wake today." She got shot at and did go back inside. Willow had protected her. She was shaky but that happened. Xander looked at that soldier. "Really manly there, dude. Shooting at an unarmed woman." The man rushed him and Xander kicked him back then beat him fairly badly. A few more soldiers tried but Faith stomped out to help him. "No, go back inside, Faith."

"Fuck that shit. I die maybe I'll find out who my father was." She hit a few, using the full slayer gifts. Someone shot at her and the protections held but Xander shoved her out of the way and shot that one again. "X, I ...."

"Inside," he said, staring at her. "I am not throwing a funeral for either of you." He pointed. She huffed back inside. He got shot in the leg and looked then took off his tie to tie that spot off. "Try it again." They tried to pull guns but the officers were stopping them.

"Harris, ER," the president called.

"Fat chance. I don't partake of that religion. Thanks!" He limped off, sneering at the military people. "Let me go stitch those."

"Are you protecting a hidden secret?" the head of the Army asked.

"Yeah, the local ER's won't treat me." He grinned. "What happens when you're in a field battle against demons who have gooey blood, General?"

"It gets on you...shit, you've got demon blood exposure."

"Yup. Exactly. Even if I wanted to, I can't. They won't treat me." He shrugged. "I expected it. No one likes me saving their asses. Thankfully I'm good with stitches. Had some practice over the years." He limped off again.

"Did the ones that got exposed from that bomb hear that, kid?" the president called.

"Yup, I warned the paramedics and gave them the file from England."

"Okay." He looked at the head of the Army.

"I'm not even going to look so no one can find out from me," he admitted. "As far as we know he was born human, even if his mother didn't file a birth certificate for him."

"How?" the president asked.

"Sunnydale," Willow said as she came out. "And she was a drunken slob." She stared at the soldiers. "Giles warned me not to take them out. I don't know why he thinks I want faulty pets." A few flinched away from her. "We're going to the internment of the ashes. Can we get free for a bit please?"

"We'll escort you," one of the local officers said. "Just so this doesn't happen again." She nodded, going to tell them.

The president walked over. "How many of your girls died?" he asked gently and quietly.

"Sixteen, maybe seventeen if one in the ICU goes," Buffy told him. "They went after the house. Got a few of the minis. Got some of the girls in battles." He nodded, patting her on the shoulder. "They should've been safer. All the minis are being evacuated from the US right now. It's clear they're not safe here." She walked off. "Someone get Xander out of the bathroom?"

"He'll be in the last car," Willow reminded her. "To protect us." Buffy nodded, leaning on her shoulder. Willow gave her a hug and they got the girls safely on way to the slayer tomb at a local cemetery. The names had been added by plaque already. Willow held Buffy up while the urns were brought in and put inside the silver boxes that held them. They said the final well wishes and closed the door again, going back to the house to think, some doing some drinking, and to mourn.

Xander had stood behind the group, making sure no one interrupted. Giles stared at him. "Go get wasted," Giles told him.

"Too late." He grimaced. "I can stand watch tonight at the house."

"The rest of us can."

"I've already grieved, Giles. Let them have tonight. I'll start again tomorrow." Giles nodded, patting him on the arm. Xander limped off after him, getting in the last car to go back to the slayer house. Xander got out first because there was a demon at the gate. Xander leaned on the fence to stare at him. "Today's not a great day, Volo. You're scaring the minis."

"I came to tend our apologies on the loss, Knight."

"I know." He patted him on the arm. "The girls are jumpy." He looked at Buffy and nodded. She got out and came over to talk to him while the younger girls trooped inside to go change and sit while mourning the lost ones. Buffy walked in and Xander followed her after another pat to Volo's arm. He got patted back. Xander gave him a tired smile. "We'll handle it and move all the minis."

"I wish it wasn't necessary. They're a delight of the local community."

"Yeah but those demons came right for them."

"We know. Maybe some day they can come back?"

"If it's safe." Volo nodded, leaving him with that. Xander went in to get a bandage and change clothes then went to stand guard over the house for now. He could carve stakes outside for the moment.

***

Cordelia showed up to Rick Flag and grinned, wiggling her fingers. "It's time to let you know why they brought you back."

"To torment others?" Peacemaker asked. "Who are you and why do you have tentacles?"

"I'm Cordelia, I'm the Messenger for the Powers That Be. The ones over the slayers, yes." She grinned at Flag.

"Am I going to have to backup Harris saving them?"

"Nope. That one invasion was one we were worried about and wanted him to be prez or something to help it go more smoothly. Turns out he was too young." Rick winced but nodded. "And if you guessed there's another, yup, you're right!" she finished cheerfully. "In two years."

"It's an election year. Is he of age?" Rick asked. He leaned back in his chair.

She nodded. "Barely this year. So are you." She gave him two thumbs up and grinned. "Have some fun!"

"Am I running against him?" he asked dryly.

"Nope. One of you will be Prez though." She faded out with a giggle.

He blinked a few times. Peacemaker looked at him. "Did she remind you of Harley?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah. Yes she did." Harley leaned around the door to grin at them. "One of the ones who sent me back just said I have to run for president."

She giggled and nodded. "Have fun with that!" She bounced off happier with that outcome, humming _Bitch_.

Flag grimaced at the doorway. "Great. Maybe they're related."

"As she said, sometimes a girl's gotta have secrets." They both grimaced. Harley was a bit...happy recently.

"I don't really want to run things that way. We can support Harris getting it though."

"The slayers would freak out," Peacemaker warned.

"Yeah but it's their higher ups that're causing it." He walked off to send Xander an email in warning. He had no idea if he was supposed to go run for office or what. How did one start an ordered political career?

Well, one started it apparently within the demon community, who had bought ads and noted how he had protected everyone with Harris a few times, and how Xander could trust him around the girls. He blinked a few times when he saw that. And the ones about Xander that he was grumbling about. "Fuck."

***

Flag called Harris to meet him in DC at a restaurant that was quiet, private, and a bit underground but not scummy. Mob types liked it. Xander came in and sat down across from him. "I saw this woman who helped me get back named Cordelia."

"How was my ex, the glowy tentacle girl?"

"Put a huge burden on our shoulders. Have you seen the ads?" He blinked a few times. "That's your ex?"

"High school ex. We used to argue and then make out in closets. She's the one that got hurt because Willow and I somehow ended up kissing. I still hate how that turned out with her. But she went from the Sunnydale team to the LA team. Where she died of her visions. She got changed to try to slow the damage."

"That explains a lot." He sipped his beer. "You should probably eat. You look skinny."

"The flu's going around the house again." Rick nodded he knew how that went. "So what are we going to do about this?"

"If this is the duty we're called to...."

Xander stared at him. "I'll support you greatly as the future president, Flag. I'll even help if you need demonic advice."

"Will they let us do that?"

"Probably not. They're known for crackhead plans and plots that I usually work around. They like to send visions about battles that'll mean sacrificing some of the slayers. I go around them and they mostly don't end up dead. That's part of my actual job, screwing up prophecies."

Flag stared at him. "Sometimes you have to do the duty you're called to."

Xander grinned. "I'm not meant to lead a country. I'm barely meant to lead the girls. And really, if we're honest, I shouldn't be in battles but I'm the best we have. If I leave, no one else will do my job."

"That's a point," he admitted. "Still, we're being called to this duty."

"Do you think I can't move around that? Maybe by shouting about them sending a vision?"

Flag thought about that. "Would it actually work?"

"Probably some, and even if they move the date, people are warned that there's been a prophecy about that incident coming up. And hey, you'll have my support. You lead people. You were trained to lead people. You learned how to do all that inspiring stuff so you can be this generation's Patton or something."

"Don't insult me that way," Flag said dryly.

"Okay, or maybe Yoda."

"That's less of an insult. I'd make a terrible Jedi."

"You do deal well with Sith sided people."

"Don't remind me. I had to do that yesterday and kicked his ass then let Harley have him."

"Is she still rollerblading around?"

"Don't tempt her." He grinned slightly.

"Fine."

"You should flirt with her."

"She's too nice to be one of the ones that hit on me. Or else she would've already hit on me."

"You should try."

"I can't flirt worth a damn. I do better with being hunted prey instead."

"I'll let her know that later." He finished his beer. "We may still have to give in."

"They can drag me kicking and screaming into a suit and there then."

"Sometimes, you have to suck it up and do the duty, Harris," he said dryly.

"Sure, I can turn the local house into the new slayer residence." He smirked a bit. "Close Cleveland's house."

Flag shuddered at that. "That's a bad thought."

"Giles would hate it. The girls would have more access to higher end shopping again." He grinned. "They do adore that."

Flag shook his head slowly. "That's so weird."

"Weird is Buffy used to be a Cali princess."

"Very weird then." He stared at him. "Get lunch."

"I'm fine."

"You're not fine. You look sick."

"Like I said, we've had the flu at the slayer house. So I've had a lot of long nights with sick kids recently." Rick sighed, staring at him. "Really, I'm good. It's okay. You can dad others."

"Uh-huh." He got himself another beer, Xander a milkshake, and let him have that instead. At least it was a lot of calories. They needed to find a way to minimize this problem before it started.

***

Xander walked up to someone complaining, staring at them. "Keep it up, encourage the peaceful community to try to vote me in as president again." The woman flinched back, shaking her head quickly as she got away from him. "Also, if I do move all the girls out of the US, that means you have to fall in for a battle. Considering there's one in a few years by some visions.... Have you taken sword lessons yet, ma'am?"

"I'll die first," the woman sneered.

"You have fun with that. It'll be one less I have to worry about." He walked around her and past the reporters. "That vision is why they had wanted me to run for president. Or someone else they figure is like my slightly older prototype."

The reporters called that in and were in awe. "Is it going to be like the last one with the multi-city portals?" one called.

He turned to look at her. "Just about as bad, yes. No idea yet what's coming but they've had this plan since before I was old enough. Now that I'm just barely old enough they're prompting people. I like the other guy they tapped though. He's good, tactically sound, has sense which is a great thing. Can even put up with the slayers." He grinned. "I'll gladly stand behind him because if I'm somehow made the president of the US, I'd have to turn the white house into the newest slayer camp." He walked off again.

The reporters shared a look. A few went to a demon poker hall, going to ask them about what they had heard and why they were working for that future.

One of the bartenders looked at her. "Because Harris doesn't want anyone to suffer. He doesn't want to see kids suffer, slayers suffer, nothing like that. And he's very protective. He's intuitive about how to run a battle. Is a country so much harder than a battle camp?"

"I guess it'd be on order of magnitudes." The reporter blinked. "Who's the other one?" He pointed at the poster behind him. It was a homemade election poster. She looked and swallowed. "That's the guy with that team."

"It is," he agreed with a nod. "War hero, West Point grad, runs some of the roughest people to make them help him beat bigger problems. Even if he hated us he'd still protect us too because he's fair that way. He believes in doing the duty you're given."

The reporter nodded. "That make sense. Thank you."

"Welcome. We can't wait to see what Harris does as president. He's a bit chaotic." He grinned.

"He said he'd turn the white house into the newest slayer camp. To make sure the girls were safe."

"The head of the council would probably hate that. So would DC, but I guess it'd be fun for the girls." She smiled, leaving him to contemplate that idea. Maybe it was time to do a deep dive into their pasts so others knew why demons wanted them to run. They found one had been done but not by someone *known* so they could jazz it up maybe.

***

Buffy stared at the documentary on one of the news channels about Xander, frowning. "That's not him. Someone yell at that reporter for making a fool out of herself?"

The girls sighed but did that. They didn't want Xander to be the president. It might mean they'd get to skip sparring practice more often but it'd suck to have him in DC.

***

Rupert was giving an interview the next day from the gateway to the compound. "I do believe that some of your people were a bit...simple recently," he told the reporter. "I'm filling in for Xander, who laughed himself sick that your reporter profiled someone in Missouri who is not him and never was him."

The reporter winced but nodded. "We told her that. Though he seems like a man the girls would teach sense to."

"Probably, yes." He smiled slightly.

"Can we talk to you about why the demons wanted him as president?"

"It's not so much the peaceful community. This comes from a few visions that have come down from the Powers That Be, the ones over the slayers." She nodded she understood that. "It started back before the last massive invasion problem we had.

"They were hoping he'd be in place then to help manage the disaster going on, making sure the girls were backed up. Also a bit that if he was in that sort of position he wouldn't be helping the slayers daily. They really do consider him warping because of how he treats the girls like sisters instead of soldiers you see."

"I can see how they'd be mad at that. Don't they decide on which problems happen?"

"A few yes. In that case they foresaw and put down bets with other beings of their nature." The reporter sighed. "Exactly. The PTB want balance in humanity. Which I'm slightly for, but not the way they want it to happen as that would cost many slayers their lives."

"Why not good winning."

"The last time the side of true good got majority power, the Inquisitions started. Do we need that sort of thing?"

"They were mostly about greed."

"And forcing some to change their ideals on faith," he agreed with a slight nod. "But at that time, good was much higher on top of the battle. Each time they get too far up, then it causes humanity problems. The same as it does if evil is getting the upper hand. However, the PTB's methods are very short sighed and very narrow minded. It's not that they're racist but if humanity truly all died they'd get the balance they've been desiring. Which means they wouldn't have anything to control so they'd hate that."

"The only true peace is death," she said.

He nodded. "Xander's also been known to throw quite a monkey wrench into their plots and plans. They send visions about battles and show who's handling it. Xander changes some things and makes it easier for the girls to win. He's totally warped the problem until the point where some haven't happened at all. Most of them have happened without any of the slayers risking their lives. They really do desire Xander to leave the slayers' sides but he's a bit stubborn that it's his chosen duty and he's going to do it."

"Which is a noble sacrifice," the reporter said.

"It is. I honor him daily for it. Even if I would love to tie him up and stuff him in a closet at times."

"I can see that. Can we have information to do a real background on him?"

He shook his head with a smile. "He'd hate that. Especially as we don't know everything. You might ask some of the demonic elements about that. Or even the demonic news people. They did a charming, annoying piece a few years ago about one of the incidences in Africa. It's how we found out as Xander did not see fit to do a report."

"I can do that. Thank you, Mr. Giles. I hope your girls have an easy week."

He smiled and let her leave so she could go ask about Xander. He would be proud if people elected Xander to a higher office. The boy had matured greatly since he had been a skateboarding young man back in Sunnydale. Though still very annoying. He sighed when he heard the minis cackling in the backyard and racing around the house chasing Xander. "Must you?" he called dryly.

"Yes, they need to learn how to chase someone," Buffy called. "Xander fed them candy so they can chase him."

"I'm going to teach the girls my special trick with pixie sticks and mountain dew!" he crowed, picking up one to swing around. "The monster got you! What do you do now?" He tossed her lightly at the other girls then ran off again.

"Get him, girls!" Faith called from inside the house. "He's had candy too." The girls squealed again and ran after him. The reporter's camera man had caught that on film while she giggled about that. Then Xander raced back and jumped the fence, grinning at the girls. They pouted but couldn't work the gate latch. Faith came out to get it for them. "Chase him to the park. Make him get you ice cream, girls." They looked very determined.

"Someone has to get my wallet. It's not on me!" he called back. "No ice cream without a wallet." Giles handed one of the girls money with a smirk. Xander took off jogging lightly, making the girls try to catch up to him. "Don't lose that, Sis."

"I won't!" She put it in her tying pocket and raced off with the others. They had to cross a few streets but Xander taunted them from the other side because he was so far ahead. They huffed but they could get him in the block before the ice cream store, then run in to get their own. Sis stared at the ice cream shop manager, who came out to see why his people were laughing. "Mr. Giles said we could have ice cream if we got Xander down." She handed over the money. "Can we all have some for that?"

He looked and counted. "You could each have a scoop and get your watcher one too," he promised. "What do you girls want?" They went to stare at the case and Xander finally came in after dusting himself off and getting a bit of chewing gum off his shirt. "You can have a single scoop too," he promised with a grin.

"They needed to learn how to chase something." He took his cone of ice cream and walked the girls back. "Eat while you walk. You know the even tinier girls will steal any sweets they find."

The girls chatted while eating their ice cream. One girl dripped some but another one let her have a few licks of hers. So did Xander. It was a good trip. As they walked, Xander told them about how sometimes being in that sugar high state worked for a battle but not always. Bouncy battles were a certain type that you needed that sort of energy in.

They all nodded at that wisdom. An officer stared at them from beside the gates. "They needed to learn how to chase and Giles gave them ice cream money." He smirked as he finished his cone.

"We wondered why they were chasing you up the street."

"He was being a scary monster who tickles," one of the girls chirped.

"Ice cream!" one of the three-year-old minis announced with a point.

"We didn't bring any back, go ask Andrew," Xander called back. "When you're older you can chase me to get ice cream too." The mini went to pout at Andrew, who didn't have ice cream but he had yogurt and cookies. She huffed but accepted some of the yogurt for now.

Xander grinned at the officer as he let the girls back into the fence. He counted and stared then looked around. The officer pointed so he went to get the mini talking to the dryad in a nearby tree. He picked her up. "Thank you for being so nice to her. It's time for dinner though."

"You're very nice," the mini said with a grin and a wave. "Have a good night!" She got put down inside the fence and ran to tell the other girls. They didn't know about any dryads. The senior watcher in the library sighed but came over to tell them about dryads and other nymphs. They did need to learn. Xander went to get a cookie and go hide from the girls.

Buffy and Faith sighed but went to talk to the minis. They'd be bouncy all night with the ice cream Giles had let them have.

The reporter's camera man had followed them until they had gotten out of the ice cream place. It'd be a highly liked piece on their station's website. Got millions of views for the next week.

***

Xander got stopped by a reporter while he was out with a mini at the doctor's. "Get away from the kid please," he ordered.

"We're not filming her, Harris," the cameraman said, looking up. "Just your head."

"Okay. I guess. What's wrong now?" he sighed.

"Mr. Harris, what do you think about immigration?"

"Why are you asking me about that?"

"You're running for president?"

He nodded, looking amused. "Uh-huh. Kind of but not my idea. Immigration? I think that everyone in this country came from somewhere else. Including the Native Americans. I think this is their land and I'm pretty disgusted by the people who don't realize this. Including those who try to wash history so it was nicer than it was. History wasn't nice, it wasn't pretty, and it wasn't delicate or blood-free.

"Do I think we have an immigration problem? I think it's one we've made happen by the way the US meddles in other areas. Demon immigration? A lot of them are here to get away from a few despots and other places in destruction and decay. Quite a lot of them come here, work for a bit, and then move somewhere without the yahoos who threaten them for being different." He grimaced.

"We meddle?"

"Have you not heard anything about the US meddling in Central and South American politics and militia stuff?"

"I have, I thought we quit."

He snorted, shaking his head. "Not from our reports from the girls down there." The mini pulled on his hand so he looked down. "I know, it's time to get you to the mini slayer doc. Sorry, we're busy. Have a better day." He walked off with her.

"Would you stop that meddling?"

"If possible, yes. Depending on how unsafe that would make us." He looked back at her. "There's no government that doesn't have dirty secrets hidden. Including ours. We just have people like you who find out and then tell everyone about it so they have to stop it." He smirked a bit. "Have some fun with that, ma'am." He got them into the doctor's office and signed in then almost immediately back because they were a bit late.

The reporter looked at her cameraman, who shrugged. "He may have a point."

"He may," he agreed. "There's always things being found." They went to send in that report. Their higher ups were amused.

***

The moderator for the national presidential debate looked at the people. "What would you do if we have another problem like that invasion a few years ago?" he asked. He pointed at one side. "It's your turn to start."

"We have a military to handle that and I'm sure they've fixed the issues that happened last time. We'd rather that the military handled it instead of civilians or slayers, or their male helpers. It's their job, they should be able to handle it. I will be asking the Joint Chiefs what their plans for such an event is. Make sure they have fixed those issues."

The other side looked at him. "While I don't like the civilians helping, or the slayers at all, it was needed at that time. There's the National Guard, there's the military, and there's groups that have been training to handle things for the slayers. That's their job and I hope they do a good one."

"What about the demonic community?"

The second one shook his head. "I do not like that name. They're mostly peaceful. I prefer to call them a peaceful nucleus community. As long as they stay peaceful I have no problem and I welcome the slayers helping police the ones that break that peaceful intent. That's their duty and I like them sticking to that."

The other one shook his head. "I know they came here to get away from heinous problems on their natal realm but there's now a method to control their immigration. They need to follow them."

The other one nodded. "They do. They agreed with that and helped set it up. They do have other options to run to most of the time. Though I don't like how the portal makers and those seem to act like traffickers, that's not a problem we can solve from this end."

The moderator nodded. "The one that the demon community wants to nominate, Mr. Harris, has said that the US is meddling in Central and South American politics."

"Prove it," the first one said.

The second shook his head. "We have leant help. I don't see that as meddling. Perhaps he's heard things that we haven't at our level. That would have to be looked at. Another fairly early in the new term investigation I'd start. Within the first hundred days. Including looking at the reports their girls have sent up since he mentioned those."

The first one looked at him. "He did?" The other guy nodded. "I did not see that report at all. Yes, they should be looked at and perhaps even talk to the newly immigrating to find out why. I'm still wondering why they wanted to nominate him and which party he's part of."

The moderator smiled. "Not yours, sir. He's made statements about not putting up with a lot of the problems both parties have." They grimaced but nodded at that. "Have either of you ever talked to the slayers?" They both shook their heads. "Why not?"

"There's not much I can do to help them," the second said.

The other nodded. "I understand it's their duty but I'd be in the way. I'd expect them to tell us if there was a problem beforehand. Otherwise the best I can do for them is protect them from certain groups and get out of their way if there is a problem." The other one nodded he agreed with that. "I tried a few sword lessons but I wasn't any good so I'll just get out of the way."

The moderator looked at the other one, who didn't add to that. "If one of the senior slayers, one of the top six that are at every single battle, falls, do you agree with honoring them like a fallen hero?"

The two grimaced but nodded slightly. "I don't think it's ever been brought up before," the second said. "I have no problem with honoring her but I don't think they'd want her to lay in state at the Capitol."

"I would if they asked for such honors but the last I knew they didn't want that sort of attention." The first one shrugged a bit. "If they'd want, I'd honor that duty and service. It's something I know I couldn't do."

The moderator put that card aside. "I know one of you has a grandchild that is a future slayer. Is she going to serve?"

"She's six, and she's got a movement disability," that grandfather said. "If she wants to go to Cleveland to learn, then that's fine with me and her parents. We won't force it and neither will the Council. Even if she's able to patrol that'll be up to her."

The second looked at him. "I did not hear that news. I hope she'll have a long, healthy life no matter which way she goes. I know you probably panicked a bit, as most parents would, but I do hope she'll be okay and have a long, happy life." That one smiled and tipped his head at that. He looked at the moderator. "Is the other party getting these same questions?"

"The one taking questions from the public has the identical list." He smiled. "Housing. It's a high priced luxury in some places. How are you going to make it so homeowners can be a growing group?"

The two took a second then the first answered.

***

Xander got found out on patrol. "Don't photograph the girls. They're trainees."

"We're not," the cameraman said. "Sir, can you answer some questions?"

"If I must but I'm on patrol. You'll have to follow and guard yourself." The cameraman nodded, following him. "What now?"

"Why did they want you and Colonel Flag to run?"

"Colonel Flag has served mostly honorably as far as I've heard. Personally I'd count working for Waller to be less honorable but he may not have had a choice about that assignment. Most military people don't decide which project they're to work on. I like the guy, he's a good fighter. He's running herd on bigger assholes than I do."

The girls smirked back at him. "Yes, you three and your whole pack of bitches. I know you're a teenager but really?" They huffed but went to handle that vampire coming up. Xander shook his head. "As for why me? I've got a way of seeing ways around prophecies. I've broken a number of prophecies. Plus, that would mean I wouldn't be able to be as supportive as I have been with the slayers."

The girls nodded at that. "The PTB really want me to get away from the slayers so they can pull them back under the old ways and their control." He smirked a bit at the camera. "They all know that won't happen the way the PTB want. That's another prophecy I've broken. I'm up to about a hundred by now." He paused, staring at something.

"Fuck us," he muttered. "Girls, move! Evacuate, take the normals with you, get the seniors here." He pointed. "Now!" They looked and one burst out in hysterical laughter but they did evacuate and bring the cameraman with them while calling in the senior girls. The cameraman was going to film from farther away so he wasn't in the way.

***

Xander looked up from staring at his casted hand and stitches as his hospital room was invaded. "What?" he asked quietly.

"You good?" Flag asked.

"Nope. I'm really not."

"With the deaths or the injuries?"

"Kinda both. I realize I've been doing this since I was sixteen. And I realize I'm an idiot for jumping in but it had to be done." He nodded slightly. "How's Faith?"

"Still hanging on." He stared at him. "I didn't decide to work for Waller."

"I figured you didn't." He stared at him. "Sorry if that hurt you."

"No, it's the truth. Like your duty, it's not a choice but it's something you gotta do." Xander nodded. "You ready to get out?"

"Did you let the girls pick on your team?"

"No. We're guarding the town while the slayers are upset by Buffy's death." He nodded. "You ready?"

"Yeah. I need to go shower and then get dressed for the funeral. Again."

"Again?"

"Not her first funeral."

He helped the boy into the wheelchair, letting him sign himself out so they could take him back to the slayer house. "What do we do about all that pushing?" he asked quietly.

"You take the head job? I don't know anything about government service."

"You've got the better diplomatic ties."

"I know but I have no idea how to handle that sort of job." He frowned. "But I may not be able to step into a battle for months."

"Or at all. The intestinal damage?" he asked when Xander stared at him.

"It'll heal. I'm missing two ribs though. I need to find comfortable body armor." He frowned at his hand. "That's going to make it harder to hold my axe."

"Then maybe it's time to pass it on?"

"Not yet. I'm still standing. I'll move back to training though."

Flag nodded. "The girls will need you more than ever."

"Yeah, they will. Giles is going to fall apart again," he sighed quietly. Flag patted him on the shoulder. They got him home. Xander walked in, nodding at the girls. "I'm back. Let me shower first before you pounce?"

Giles came out to look at him. "Xander?"

"Yeah. I still live here," he said dryly.

"I was thinking you might want to retire some due to the injuries."

"I'll move back to training," he said. "I'll find a body armor vest to cover for the weakness in my rib area." He stared at him. "I'm not giving up."

Giles stared at him. "You do have that new destiny."

"Which neither of us want," Flag told him. "We're not qualified for that, Mr. Giles." Giles frowned at him. "I'm the other one they wanted."

"He's right. I don't have the education to run anything. That's why you kept me from helping with the paperwork," Xander quipped, staring at him. "You know very well the only way I'm leaving the girls to the mercy of the other watchers is being carried out of here," he said quietly but firmly. "I won't let those ones backslide the Council."

"No, I agree with that. But you could retire. You have done more than your duty." He stared at him. "The girls should not see you die as well."

"We all die, Giles. Even if I'm eighty. It's better that they see me living with all this mess."

"True." He patted him on the cheek. "You should rest. The funeral is tomorrow."

Xander nodded. "That's my plan, yes. Colonel Flag gave me a ride home."

"That's fine. We've seen a lot of his team so far. The girls were picking on them and one, the Japanese female, was helping the minis with something." He walked off to go think. It didn't hurt as much this time. Maybe because he'd had extra time with Buffy. Or maybe he was too used to death happening now. He wasn't sure but perhaps he'd find a therapist to talk to the girls that he could talk to casually as well.

Xander nodded. "Guest rooms are up this way if you're not bunking with the team."

"They're in a motel by the park with the hellmouth. No one saved me a room." Xander smirked at that. "No, they weren't expecting me to climb into someone's bed," he shot back. He got Xander settled and came down to talk to the senior girls about problems they were expecting in the next few days.

His team could handle it for them while they did the funeral and grieved. He'd get to leave Ratcatcher there for the girls to help her and her to guard them. It was something Xander would want to happen and she was too young to be as badly off as the rest of the group was. She'd understand the harsh life the girls lived and they'd try to understand her a bit too. It'd be good for her.

***

Xander led the way into the demon poker hall. "You guys called?" he said.

"We've heard you two are arguing over who'll be in the top job. We're going to host a coin toss," the bartender said, making a few people cheer. "To solve one of the biggest bets ever in the poker circuit."

Xander looked at him. "He can have it. Really. He's slightly older."

"No thanks," Flag ordered. "Sure, we can do it that way. It's probably going to be fair. There's no telling if higher powers will fix the outcome," he said at the few heated looks.

"They so would," Xander agreed dryly. "On purpose to make me more mad at them." That got a few snickers. He looked around. "Who's the ref and are we publishing this so no one can lie when I lose?"

One of the highest demons on the plane came over. "I will do the coin toss, Knight, Colonel." He nodded at him, getting a nod back. He let them see the coin. People came in closer to see how it landed. He tossed it lightly a few times. "Call it," he ordered then tossed it up toward the ceiling.

"Tails," Xander said first.

"That's what I was going to say," Flag said. The coin landed. Heads. "Damn."

"You both called tails," the demon said. He tried it again. "Call it."

"Tails," Xander said.

"Heads," Flag said. This time it ended up on the side rim. The two guys shared a look then looked at the demon, who shrugged. "Does that mean we can both get out of it?" Rick asked.

"Fat chance." He picked it up to test it. He let a magic user test it too. "One last one. Call it."

"Tails," they said in unison and Xander sighed at that. The demon caught it. They played rock/paper/scissors. He won that one.

"I'll take tails," Xander said.

"So I guess I'm heads," Rick complained but was amused. This was showing off for the press. The demon smiled at that so maybe he had heard his thought. This time the coin flip landed properly. On tails. Rick patted Xander on the back when he just sighed.

"I guess," Xander said. "Though I'm not going to be happy for four years." He looked around. "Let the DC slayer know things I need to handle. I'm going to bring my minis with me if we win, people." That got a few grins from the people who knew him. "We'll have to find an ice cream shop near the white house so they can chase me down for some in training." He canted his weight off to the side. "Really, guys, we can just support someone."

"The other ones won't be able to handle the problems coming up," Cordelia said from her seat on a table, grinning at them with a finger wiggle that she had picked up off Harley. "You'll do fine, Dork King. Even if it does mean you have to quit wearing ugly shirts." She smirked. "It'll look bad if you don't."

"There's a lot of politicians who wear the worst clothes," Rick said. "And I have a uniform, Cordelia."

"Yes you are." She nodded. "We're keeping you where you are as well. So you'll get to bring the team with you."

"The Squad would kill you for that," he noted.

"Oh well! It'll mean you're both backed up better." She smirked. "Otherwise you'll have to fight congress too." She looked at Xander. "You'll do fine. Quit whining. Like your SAT, you'll do better than you think, Xander. Suck it up."

"You're not corporeal, I can't do that," he shot back. "I could use the stress relief. Remember, I do have needs that way that will drive the Secret Service guys nuts."

"Yeah," she agreed with a grin. "But then again they're not used to regular people anyway. Go in being yourself. Be the asshole of the universe if you have to." She faded out.

"They so rigged that," Xander complained.

The demon smiled and nodded. "Probably. The Powers have ideas." He went back to his seat with a free drink for that service.

Xander looked at Rick, who was shaking his head. "I guess we need to make concrete plans."

"We may need to," he agreed. They went back to the slayer camp to sit in the backyard to figure things out.

***

Xander looked at the gathered squad, then shook his head. "Thankfully the one of you who got his ass handed to him by a six-year-old remembered her age," he said dryly, staring at the whole group. "The girls are girls and will pick on and tease you. And occasionally play pranks.

"If you want to work with their sparring training, go ahead. I'm not up to it yet and they need the varied help anyway. Just remember they are tiny little girls." He looked at Flag, who winced but nodded. "And yes, you can teach them to shoot guns and crossbows and throw knives if you want. It's a skill they'll get later anyway." He grinned at one. "Dear...."

She backed away. "I know you have dated someone I know."

"I know I have too. Tell her I said hi and I'm sorry I had to cut that date short to go handle the biowarfare person?"

"I can do that," she agreed in Japanese, bowing slightly. He bowed back with a grin. "You should spar."

"I'm still in a cast, need to find body armor for the two missing ribs I have, and I ache like shit, dear. It's not today. Or tomorrow probably. But ask me by Friday." He smirked as he walked off. "Ladies?" he called, getting the minis out to stare at them. "Be nice to the big hero sorts," he ordered, staring down at them.

"They forgot you were tiny earlier you did so good. For right now, chase the Colonel and whoever catches him can help me shop for body armor later. In a real store, yes." The girls squealed and rushed for the whole team. "The less muscled blond guy," he called after them, saving the others.

Some of the girls were blocking his team from helping him while Flag huffed but tried to get away. He wasn't going to make it but he did try awfully hard. Katana was laughing and taking film to show others. Flag was trying to evade but they were cutting him off so he went over the shorter fence. Most of the girls could bounce over that one already. So he had to run off toward the back pond area and then around to the side yard.

Peacemaker looked over. "Get some of me playing with the kids?"

"If I can," she said.

He dove in to help Flag by blocking some of the herd of little girls. "I'm a roadblock," he said happily. The girls huffed at that and most of them pounced him to get him down and then went back to their primary mission. He groaned as he got up because small feet were pointy but went back to helping. Deadshot was staring at the group then nodding as he took film too. The others who were left of the various squads would adore seeing that.

"C'mon!" one whined. "We love to shop! Helping Xander shop is a rare treat because he *never* shops!"

Flag shook his head with a smirk. "Sorry, ladies. I'm not easy prey." They all huffed and tried harder. Peacemaker tried to help him but they got him down again and two of the girls sat on him so he had to stay down. They didn't like to shop anyway.

One of the very tiny minis, who was about three rushed out to stand in Flag's way, smiling up at him. "Hi!"

"Hi. Excuse me."

"Nope!" She kicked him on the ankle and the girls cheered when he limped more. "Be a good boy like Xander is!" She ran back inside to tell Faith she had done good kicking him on the ankle. Faith gave her a hug and a cookie for it, watching the playing and chasing going on. She might want to chase a few of them but not for the same reasons.

Finally one girl won and cheered as she bounced on top of Rick's back. "I won, Xander! But the other girls helped!"

Xander came out to look at them. "Well, you can help me shop, and Andrew has to grocery shop if the others who helped so much want to use that as a reward." The girls shared a look and they all went to help Andrew. He helped Flag up since he was groaning. "I usually only last a half-hour. You did great at nearly fifty minutes." He walked off. "Am I taking my winner with me?"

"I want to beg for brownies," she called. "Take Sidra!"

"Okay. Sidra?" he called. "I need to pick up something at a store. Clothes even." She leaned around a doorway to stare at him, Faith doing the same over her head. "I need new body armor."

Sidra shook her head. "No thank you. My mom would be mad if she found out I was with a guy by myself."

"You know I'm not like that."

"Yes but my mother thinks all guys are." She grinned. "Can I go too, Andrew?"

"I guess but that means you have to help carry stuff, Sidra."

One of the leftover minis who had diverted the squad's attention pulled on Xander's hand. "Can I go then?"

"You sure can. Make sure it fits and I look okay in it." She nodded, running to get her shoes and jacket. He got his wallet and keys, taking the kid with him. She had a lot of fun at the armory store helping Xander find some body armor to cover his new weak spot on his ribs.

She made sure things fit well enough, even though they liked to ride up on him. The guy that ran the shop was charmed by her and got Xander what he really wanted and needed, which helped a lot. That wouldn't ride up. It was lightweight, it was comfortable enough.

"It's black though and he doesn't wear black."

"It goes on under my outer shirt," Xander told her. "Over a t-shirt."

"Oh." She nodded, letting him show her how that worked and how it fit. "Does it ride up when you shrug?" He did that and showed her. "That's good then. Can we get a brownie I don't have to share?" She pointed at the display.

Xander looked then at her. "Those taste gross. They're healthy brownies for camping."

"Eww. I'll have those during camping lessons I guess." She pouted a bit. The armory guy let her have something else, making her happier. "Thank you!"

"You're welcome, dear." He looked at Xander. "Expensive."

"I figured it was. More than ten?" He tossed over something.

He looked at that stone then nodded. "Yeah, you'll need another. That's about half." Xander let him look at what he had and pick another two. "Fine. Have a good day, guys." The girl smiled and waved. "You've got good taste." She beamed, waking off eating her granola bar. Xander wore his new armor out to go home. Just in case.

***

Rick Flag was drunk. He was very drunk. He was going to stay drunk for a few days. His team was letting him stay drunk because it meant they weren't under his watch but also because they at least appreciated him a tiny bit. Why would he want to be sober for the next week? He'd give himself a week before he got sober and sucked it up to accept his destiny.

Even if Katana was trying not to let him drink more. He stared up at her. "I'm getting drunk for the next week and then I'll suck it up like the soldier I am." He sipped his scotch, grimacing when it was mostly water from the ice. He poured himself more. "For now, get me more alcohol? Even prison hooch?"

"There's that underground well of liquor but it is a waste of energy," she reminded him.

He nodded. "I've clearly raised above my station here, Katana. I should not have to face this life I'm going to be having. I don't want to do that at all. I'm not qualified for it." He sipped more of the watered down scotch. "I could use some ice too. Because it's healthy sometimes to mope for a week before you suck it up and take it like a man."

She shook her head with a sigh. "You cannot be seen to be doing this."

"That's why I'm here instead of out at a bar, where I'd have to pay more for my drinks. Or let some person buy me some then turn down their wanting to use me." He took another drink while staring at her. "I'll suck it up in six days and listen to all the complaining for four years."

"Fine. We'll make sure you don't die of your week of drinking." She stared at him. "You should probably give up for an hour and eat something."

"Nah. Food's going to suck." He finished that bottle so she went to find him some more. His team had gotten some of the snuck in liquor for him and was storing it. She wouldn't wonder how the other one was doing. He was younger, not a soldier, and surrounded by women. And Peacemaker to make sure he did not force the colonel to take an even higher position.

***

Xander looked at the officer who had stopped them. "He's only had one drink but he's a shitty driver, Officer."

"Sir, he's clearly a bit lit," he said dryly. "Why aren't you driving since you're sober?"

"Dude, I've had ten drinks," he said dryly. "He's had two." He waved a hand. "I've just got a really high tolerance. I got it from my parents, who also started to help me build my tolerance when I was three." He snorted with a grin. "I could hold three beers and be mostly sober at six, Officer. He's a *lot* more sober than I am."

"I'll still need to get him to breathe into the machine."

"I'm supposed to be guarding him so he can't drink himself to death but I've had one lite beer and a rum thing with an umbrella, Officer, so please do. I know I'm under the legal limit and we're going somewhere better for him to not drink himself to death."

The officer huffed but got the breathalyser and came back to let him breathe into it. Peacemaker did and then sighed, handing it back. "Point-oh-four, so halfway under the legal limit." He stared at him. "Then why were you weaving?"

"I was swatting at the one who landed in the backseat." He pointed at it. "One of the witches sent the baby slayer to nag Xander for daring to be on the ballot for president."

"Oh, you're him," he said with a nod and a smirk. "Drunk, sir?"

Xander waved a hand in a so-so manner. "Not really. Anymore I usually drink demon liquors, which're stronger. Really, I drink stuff that's the same level as Everclear." The officer and Peacemaker both grimaced at that. "But they're sweeter than rum and I like them." He grinned. "I'm going to avoid thinking about the vote thing yesterday at all. For as long as I can."

"Flag said you've got a week like he does," Peacemaker said dryly. He looked at the officer again. "I'm taking him to a demon club so he's safe there and if he gets rowdy, they can help me get him to a fight club."

Xander looked at him then grinned and shook his head. "They won't let me do that again. If I'm drunk and angry, they keep me away from *all* weapons. It's a really good idea." He grinned at the officer. "We're going another block, Officer. Can we? Please?

"I could use another drink. I've only had ten." The officer had him breathe into the machine. Then he stared at it. Xander giggled. "Wow. I've been there before but not in quite a while." He shrugged but grinned. "Can I please forget that people think I have brains?"

"Sure, go drink them away, sir." He let them drive of, shaking his head. He called in the plate as they were not drunk, but the driver needed to be watched tonight. And maybe for the next week. A few hours later, he saw a demon on a motorcycle driving the same mini slayer back home while she was mostly asleep. He followed to make sure she was okay and looked at the demon. "She good?"

"Xander protected her from being pouty by teaching her to play cards." The demon grimaced. "We'd let him work out the anger at all that but he'll cause an apocalypse. We don't need that." The officer moaned. "Exactly! Last time he did magic unintentionally. No one needs Harris to do that." He drove off again.

The officer went to watch that bar for a brawl to start. That vampire street gang was going in there after a hissed conference and calling in more members. He got there in time to see Xander taking them out, by hand, without a stake, just a pencil. And the other guy was being held back by the other demons.

Harris was bruised and had a split lip but the vampires were dying. A lot. Though Harris missed someone's heart a few times by hitting off to the side and once behind it. That one he smirked as he finally staked it. Then he picked up his drink, took the coaster off the top of it, and drank some more on his way to the bar.

Yeah, he didn't want to see that one drunk. The other guy was joking with some of the demons in there but Harris was sulking and cuddly with a succuba as he played cards while being drunk.

Then a female voice complained. "Xander, don't win a realm," she complained loudly. "We can't use a realm. The girls will hate it because there's no malls there, just farms and stuff."

"They like animals," Xander defended.

She huffed. "No winning realms, Mister! Don't make me tell Giles!"

"He can talk to me in a week," he said dryly.

"Fine! I should injure you so you have to go home and sleep it off."

He apparently smirked, though the officer didn't see him doing it. "You do that and I'm posting you to Iran," he said happily. She whined but left him alone. The succuba on his lap cooed and helped him drink and play cards. Then he'd make her sore. A lot. Loudly.

Peacemaker would make sure Xander made it to a bed later, after he had made Xander give up the small pack of succuba.

***

Xander was brought to a suit shop a week after the dreadful elections. He sighed as he was walked inside by Giles. The men in there smiled. "Apparently I need a new suit as I'm going to be moving to DC. I have three hundred for this stop. Anything else will have to wait."

"We can do a nice suit for that amount," one of them said, coming over to take him to a measurement room. "Do you usually wear jeans?"

"Yeah. I'm Xander, the trainer for the mini slayers." He grinned and shook his hand. "Most of the time I'm teaching them stuff they need to know or being chased by them."

"They are adorable girls."

"They try awfully hard since they've been pouting for a week," Giles said dryly.

"Not like they don't realize this means I have to quit working with them unless I move them to DC with me."

"I doubt that would be a good idea, Xander." Giles looked up and sighed.

"I warned them if they elected me to something I'd head the new slayer camp. No matter what address I inhabit."

The fitter stared at him. "You're the one they just elected president."

"I am, unfortunately. I'm going to end up screwing up so hard." He sighed. "Which is why I need a nice suit apparently. It's tradition."

The fitter nodded, getting a different class of fabric. It'd be a tiny bit more expensive but Giles would make up the difference he was sure. Giles agreed he could do that when he saw it. "This will last even if you do end up getting into a fight in it. It'll clean easily enough, silk usually does, and it won't be too heavy or too tight." Xander sighed but nodded. "What colors do you like?"

"My Hawaiian shirts?"

"Dark blue then," the fitter decided. He looked at him. "No stripes. It'll make you look wider." He got him measured so they could start sewing.

***

Rick Flag looked at his chosen unit for now. He may change his mind later, but for now these four would do the best, and be the most subtle. Well, Harley was included so subtle may not be an option but he had hopes. A lot of hopes. "As you four know, I'm going to be commuting for a few years," he said dryly, trying not to sound bitter.

They all nodded and grinned at him. "I'm not sure the Secret Service people can actually guard me. Or Harris. Especially Harris. He's got some mini slayers coming up with him because he's their trainer and part-time dad figure." They all nodded again, Harley smiling. "So yeah, for right now, and only right now, I'm going to deploy you four around us in DC.

"Just to stop any stupid things. Like Harris' past dates. By the way, the one that's a warlord in Uganda right now? He's our next mission before we go up to DC." They all beamed at him for that present. "For the time being, if you find any of Xander's dates and they're not *horrible* human beings who want to kill everyone, I don't care if he gets to date them.

"If they act up around him though, you handle it for him. We want them to look at Xander like he's respectable. Which he usually is," he admitted dryly then smirked a bit. "We all know he dates assassins and arms dealers and other *nice* people, so if one's your enemy, yay you.

"Let him get laid first if you can." They all nodded, still smiling. "I want you to be *subtle*. Harley, that means you. No hammer weapon, very subtle bats, use them if you have to but not otherwise. No spear." She sighed but nodded, canting her weight off to the side. "Any questions?"

"Weapons?" Peacemaker asked.

"Yes, you can have weapons back," Rick said patiently, nodding some. "You'll probably need them."

"Probably," Peacemaker agreed happily. "Is he still seeing Jacques?" Harley made a gagging noise. "They had been seen out a few times. I'm guessing he's better in bed than he is anywhere else with the way the girls scowled at him for trying to steal Xander last week. Which was on the news."

"If he is, let Xander get laid first unless Xander says otherwise," Rick told him. "No one needs that idiot in their bed. Which is also why we're taking out that warlord." Harley squealed and hugged him. "Thank you." He got free, staring at her. "The night of the ball, you're his overnight guard. Make sure he can't sneak off to escape and leave me the big chair."

"I can do that and pick on the dweeb for being chosen for such an office. Especially about his clothes since he dresses really badly in eye blinding colors and patterns that hide demon slime. We may want to have someone check his clothes just in case he can use them in a battle because they've gotten demon goo."

"Yeah, I can have someone do that," he agreed with a nod. "That does sound like a wacky Xander backup plan." He shook his head quickly. "Deploy quietly. Suits for the balls. Harley, nothing too showy and not a fuck me dress if you can?"

"Of course," she sighed, waving a hand. "I'll be back at the white house making sure his rooms are secure. Do we think the SS is going to be a problem?"

"Yeah. I have a bad feeling. Xander had a bad feeling too. He's the one who suggested I bring a few of you up at a time to guard me so I don't turn into a politician. I hear it's an infectious disease somehow," he finished with a grin.

"We'd put you out of our misery," Peacemaker quipped. "Do we get to do some traveling around town? Museums," he said at the odd look.

"I guess. Maybe. Clear it with me beforehand so I don't think you're sneaking off to kill someone." He stared at Deadshot, who shrugged but tried to look innocent. "Uh-huh. Clear it with me first. Or else I'm making you go train a kindergarten class." Even Harley shuddered at that. "Good. Go get ready." They went to get their gear ready and to find clothes.

Rick had someone pick up suits and a dress for Harley. Plus regular clothes. They got their new explosives put in. And they got to flee the prison for a few days at least without having a mission that was a suicide one. Well, unless they pissed off Flag. He'd be stressed and use their explosives on them if they screwed up and lost the president or the mini slayers.

***

Xander walked into his new bedroom, smiling at the woman standing there. "Here to take me out?" he asked hopefully.

"You dating me would ruin your rep," she quipped back, walking closer.

"Not like they'll like the arms dealer I was dating last month. The Secret Service had a hissy the likes of a teenage girl on her first period." He smiled and kissed her, making her moan. "You need more fire in your life."

She patted him hard on the cheek. "Probably." She winked. "I'm your guard tonight. Someone Waller sent is going to try to take you out. The Secret Service really wishes Flag had won that coin flip you two had."

Xander nodded. "Me too." She giggled. "I'll be fine, Princess."

"I'm sure you will. I can make sure of it. And help you with plans to get your minis here."

"Oh, speaking of hissies," he said dryly, smirking at her. "They're moving up the street and will traipse up here every day to train and work with me." She giggled. "Already set that up. To much huffing. Some foot stomping too. The girls are liking it. It means they don't have to deal with hellmouth things again. I've already made sure they have good guards on them."

"Good." She patted his cheek again. "You should be doing something to celebrate."

"I just got home from the ball Faith complained about people planning for me."

"Which suck anyway. You're not the waltzing sort."

He nodded. "We have another one in four days for a planned event. Wanna go?"

"Not likely. They'd hate that."

He grinned. "I was dating Billy last month."

She moaned but nodded once. "Billy would hate that too."

"Better him than Nicely."

"Ooooooh, yeah," she sighed, nodding. "Damn."

"He was at the one earlier."

"He reminds me so much of Puddin'."

He grinned. "I heard rumor's he's still around and thinking about running for mayor."

She blinked a few times. "I'll save Bats some work," she decided. He grinned. "Seriously?" He pulled up that information on his email, letting her see it. "Oh, fuck."

"Yeah. So.... Miss Bodyguarding One."

She handed the phone back. "Go to bed before I make the whole White House stay awake. You're loud."

"I like my women to get just as loud. And we could both use the stress relief." He grinned.

"Nope. Not tonight. You've got a headache, Xander." She pointed. He sighed but went in there. "At least you got game since I saw you flirting with Anya way back when."

"Hopefully. It's been decades."

"True. I'm feeling really old."

He grinned. "Age comes to those of us who're lucky."

"You have been lucky very often." She sat down, getting comfortable. "Rest. Tomorrow people will start to want things from you."

"Yay," he said dryly. "Don't let anyone in, even the maids. We all know I have nightmares."

"Of course." She waved a hand in the air. "Sleep."

"Yes, Queen."

"Not that sort of queen, thanks." She smiled as she went back to reading, her bat next to her seat. She did let one of his boyfriends sneak in through a window, staring at him. "He needs to sleep."

"I can help him with that."

"He could use that too." He grinned, going in to pounce Xander to make him less stressed.

"At least he's only into minor arms dealing," she decided. An agent stomped in. "It's his ex from three years ago. He won't kill Xander in more than sex." She grinned. "Xander did miss him earlier."

"Miss Quinn...."

She smirked. "I'm guarding him because a lot of people wanted Flag to come out on top of that coin toss. Especially Waller."

The agent sighed. "He should not have people like that around him."

"Yeah but that's who he dates. He hasn't had a normal lover since high school. Cordelia was probably the best he's ever had." She smirked a bit. The agent sighed but Xander was clearly having fun by the giggling and yelping going on in there. The agent huffed off to tell the others. "I predict they'll get Flag to have a guy talk with him," she muttered to her book. "And it'll fail. They'll have to suck it up." Xander yelped but then he moaned so that was nice of that ex. "Just like he is."

***

Rick Flag looked at the agent complaining at him. It had been less than six days and now someone was complaining about Xander dating. "Why do I care who he dates as long as it's not treason?" he asked plainly.

"It does not look good for our president to be stringing along arms dealers."

"Then find someone nice yet dangerous enough to introduce him to," he shot back. "I'm told only the deadly and dangerous like the guy. Half of my team thinks he's great and probably fun."

"Some of us aren't gay," Peacemaker complained from his spot in the corner as his guard today. It was a hell mission for most of the task force but they'd do it because it meant they'd be on hand to go on the next actual mission. And they did have fun with some of the assassins. "I sent one of them at him because he thought he was VP instead of you."

"Great. Thanks. One you knew?"

"Gerald."

"I remember reading his file and turning him down for missions," he said. He looked at the agent again. "If you don't like who he's dating, find him someone better. It's no fair that the guy saves humanity and you want him to be alone forever. He deserves a good helpmate or lover or whatever they are.

"Be thankful he's not having to use them anymore to get the slayers weapons." He gave him a pointed look. "Also, I heard about the complaining about his minis. He warned you ahead of time. He's not giving up what he sees as his duty to baby your asses."

"Fine." He stomped off to tell his director that. The minis had two female and one male guard on them at all times. They had noted one of the minis hated to be alone with men so they made sure she couldn't be. They weren't sure if it was a trauma or her mother.

The agents did parental things for the girls like nagging about starting school things and eating vegetables but otherwise that was Xander's job and they agreed with that. DC's slayer helped with that too. The kids adored her because she took them on field trips.

They gathered to the white house to talk to the new president about his dating problems just in time to see him insulting another world leader.

"Just because you won that poker game and I gave you a blow job doesn't mean I'm going to be any nicer to you than I am to anyone else," Xander said dryly, smirking at that one. "Really. And if anyone says something, oh well. I've slept with KGB officers who were great in bed too." He smirked as he shrugged. "And other agents and arms dealers and all sorts of people for stress relief. If they pick on that, well, I can probably steal a spouse and make them want me more.

"The fact that you're not attracted to me means you're not as dangerous as you think you are." He waved a bit. "But we can be friendly and polite as long as you quit being a dick. Because I'm not into all that sneering stuff. So, are you going to be more polite?" he asked with a smile. "Or do I walk off laughing and talking about that poker night?"

"I think we can be polite. Though others will look at me oddly."

"You got a blow job. That happens at times. You wouldn't be the first ever, even in your country." He huffed. Xander smiled. "Up to you to be polite."

"I can be polite and diplomatic."

"Cool! And if you run into Dimitri again, send him my way?"

"As far as I know he's now married."

"That sucks. Half of my past lovers are somewhere farther away or dead. I really could use stress relief before I take things out on the agents." He glared at those two, who shrank away from him. "I heard, dude. Yeah, only the deadly and dangerous are attracted to me. I've dated more arms dealers than agents, but they're well represented on both ends of the spectrum." The other politician laughed at that and nodded.

"It kept me from having screaming fits after many battles. And before some battles, and sometimes to get weapons for the slayers." He grinned. "Otherwise, unless I find someone more decent, oh well. Suck it up. I'd really love some of mine to do that since so many hated me getting off too." He walked off with the politician. "So how's the mistresses? Still five or are you still ignoring Amaya?"

"I have no idea who that is." Xander showed him a picture and he groaned. "No, I do know her but she is not a mistress."

"Pity. I found her exciting in bed. Maybe you should try that again. Might make you scowl less."

"Most politicians are not as blunt as you."

Xander smirked. "I'm not going to change who I am for this job. I'm the same guy I grew up being, the same asshole I was in Africa when I needed to be, and the big brother of the mini slayers. That's not going to change. Even if there's higher beings who wanted me here to help protect the world from the next serious invasion. So we need to integrate your people into that plan as well. I'm letting Rick Flag do that part for me. He knows more about Europe's militaries than I do. I'll do Asia and Africa's if we have to."

"That would be reasonable. I have heard of his service."

"He's an interesting guy. We've had a few beers over the last few years. He's the only one that said I should have yelled back at some of the generals I really wanted to yell at." He opened a door with a hand wave. "Age before beauty."

The other leader snorted. "I am not that much older."

"You are. I'm barely forty-six. You're old enough to be my dad."

"Point."

"But not my daddy. Thanks."

"Gladly." They went to have that meeting now that the fussing was over with. He was not going to push on this one, Xander would not need to push back against him. If something big got started he could handle things and make him sorry.

He had heard about a warning against invading another country by way of a demon strip-o-gram that had sang a song warning them about not making him mad by hurting people on purpose. Pity that hadn't worked but then again, those politicians were now taken by some very nice succuba. He would not get them back easily.

He would not underestimate this young man.

***

A reporter found Xander walking the minis back to their house. "No reporters near mini slayers," he ordered, blocking their view. "At all please. Or else I have to get mean. I'll write myself a pardon for beating someone." They moved to cameras away from the kids. Xander moved to look at them in view. "What's up this time?"

"Sir, you've had male lovers?"

"I've had both, why?"

"You're probably the first gay president."

"I'm more bi than gay. I did nearly marry a woman." They nodded at that. "I've had males and females in the course of my life, a lot for stress relief after or before battles. Why are you asking about that in front of kids?"

They looked, the minis were being walked off by the guards. Then back at him. They noticed one hiding behind his legs. "Are you dating now?" one asked. "Being delicate about it."

"Not really. I haven't *dated* in a while. No one I've seen causally wanted me to *date*." He looked down. "You could've gone with the others."

"You know how my mother is."

"I do." He petted her head. "Get out from underneath my butt please. They won't take your picture." She shifted to his side, hugging his legs. He looked at the reporters again. "What I do in my bedroom is my business."

"It could've compromised you. Some people are calling that treason."

Xander snorted. "Me causally seeing someone isn't going to change anything about how I feel on any topic. We're not actually there to talk," he said dryly. "Anything else? And you can tell them it proves what sort of person they are that they're attracted to me and fighting it." He walked the kid off.

"C'mon. They're going to eat all the cookies if we don't hurry." She nodded, running ahead but not too far ahead. The guards let them in when she knocked. He rolled his eyes. "They're worried it'll change how I vote on things," he said dryly. The guards nodded. "Not like they want to ask me things."

"They could ask you for favors," one said.

"It's usually the other way around. A lot of them helped the girls get weapons and help for battles." They slumped but nodded. "Not like you guys gave the girls weapons." He grinned. "Which I think I signed something to change." He followed the mini into the kitchen. "Did you save me a single cookie this time?" They handed him the single cookie that was waiting on him. "Thanks, girls."

He gave them all hugs. "I'll see you tomorrow." They nodded and went to watch some tv with the guards and the senior slayer in the area who was now their house mom. Xander strolled back to the white house. The guards with him were worried. Xander looked at them. "Guys, no one's going to snipe me. They think Rick will be a hardass on everyone if he gets the higher seat."

"Still a worry, sir. You could let us drive you."

Xander frowned. "How am I supposed to be getting my daily exercise?"

"We have a gym."

"I know. I've used it. It's a bit behind the times but it's nice enough. I still need exercise beyond that. So do the girls. If you're that paranoid, build a tunnel."

"We have two tunnels," he admitted, considering it. "I don't know where the other end is beyond a garage." The guards shared a look then decided they'd look into it. Some car sped up and spun near them but Xander shot a tire and they drove off quickly. Xander grinned and waved at their back ends. "Sir!"

"What?" He frowned at him. "They're not that bad."

"That's our job."

"Okay but I got there first." He walked on with the guards shaking their heads behind him. They had to talk to the other guards on duty to figure out how to make the president see that their job was to guard him, not his job to handle things. Maybe the Colonel could talk to him about it? He had to understand that already. Right?

***

Rick Flag looked at the guards waiting on him after dinner that night. "What?" He was already tired of the Secret Service guards running to him to fix Xander's things for them.

"Sir, can you talk to Mr. Harris about how we're supposed to be guarding him? We had someone attempt a drive-by earlier and he pulled a gun before we could or move him."

"I'd do the same thing."

"Sir, please?"

"I'll try but we're not the sort to be leading behind the lines. Xander's been in most battles for humanity. He's not going to hide behind you guys like some of the senators would. We're used to jumping into things and solving them."

"We understand that but you realize you can't do that now?"

"Bullshit," Rick said with a smile that his squad would realize meant he was pissed off and about to beat them to death. "If there's a battle we're needed at, I'm still going. I'm still in charge of Task Force X. I still have to handle big things that endanger people. The same as he's still going to be working with the slayers and handling bigger threats to humanity."

"That's not really a job for either of you."

"Yay. Suck it up. That's not going to change for either of us. They elected us because we handle those things and the one upcoming as well. If there's a battle in DC, we're both going to be there. If a huge demon shows up, Xander's going to handle it before even the slayer assigned to DC can. That's who we are and why we got elected."

"We're supposed to be protecting you."

"Then train with us to jump in with us." He grinned as Harley strolled in with a bat. "Bad night?"

"Few muggers at the bar." She shrugged but grinned at the guys. "It won't stop either of them from being the huge hero studs they are. Xander took on a whole invasion by himself. He had two battles where he was naked with a sword in the rain." Rick shuddered. "Even if he was paralyzed in a chair, he'd still be there with artillery. It's the guy he grew into."

"Miss Quinzel, did you do a lot of profiling on him?"

"Yup." She beamed at them. "He was my senior project."

They nodded. "We'll go over his profile with you in a few days?" She shrugged but nodded. "We're trying to make them let us protect them."

"Then I'd step in and learn how to join our squad or the slayers," she said, leaning on the desk beside Rick. "Because that's the only way you'll be able to protect them with the stuff they get into."

"If something happens in DC, isn't the Secret Service the agents in charge of scenes until a military unit shows up?" Rick asked. "So you'd have to handle the demon battles too."

"We make sure the slayers can get there."

"There's only two senior, patrol cleared girls in the area," Harley said. "The baby slayers are to be protected and Xander would expect you to do that instead of him." They winced. "The baby slayers aren't going to be harmed or Xander will destroy your agency by hand with his axe." She smiled. "He'd probably enjoy it. It might even stop a battle to watch him destroy the people who tried to force his minis into a battle then he'd go back to it once they were safer."

"I can understand that. It's not an easy transition for some but we do have to protect him."

"He'd tell you to protect the minis," Rick said. "The same as I will. You are to protect those mini slayers the same as you would a presidential child. No matter what." He stared at the guards. "That is an order and I will make sure your director understands and agrees."

He straightened up from his lean. "We put up with guards on us. It gives us someone to talk to mostly. Gives us someone to handle some things so we can handle more important things. But you will *never* get us to allow total protection on us. At all. We'll accept the *help*. We won't accept being treated like damsels."

Harley looked at him. "You'd look really funny in the tower with the hair." He swatted her with a scowl. She smirked. "You would! Xander would look better in the gown." He swatted her again. "Hey!" she giggled.

He sighed, looking at the guard again. "The Squad has driven my sanity to an all time low recently. They're bored."

"We can take their place with more guards," the second guard said.

"Like fuck," Harley said dryly. "We don't trust you guys." She smiled. "You guys have proven yourself to not be neutral about who you guard and how. Some of us may be a bit psycho but we're good at what we do. Which is protect the bossman and handle huge shit that could destroy humanity. Neither guy is the normal politician. That's why they elected them."

"I can see that but it is our duty."

"It's your shared duty," Rick said. "And we have some of that ourselves because we're not going to let someone treat us like we're kids again. Hell, I had to protect myself as a kid too. So did Harris probably." He smiled. "Hopefully the next president will be more normal for you guys to cover."

"We'll figure it out and work with you," the second agreed. They went to talk to their teams and the higher ups again. One of them floated an idea to get the baby slayers back to Cleveland and the 'Squad' back to their prison home. Or maybe a psych hospital. They might have to so they could do their jobs.

***

Six days later, Xander walked through a hospital and signed orders to release people. He grinned at the doctor. "I'm firing the people who sent them here."

"They could use our services. As could you, sir."

Xander grinned. "Watch me blow up the hospital." He beamed. "Because I'm not going to let this shit go on." He went to get the people out, nodding. "Who're we missing?" he asked.

"Just two," Katana admitted. "I have not seen them."

He looked around. "Harley and Deadshot." He snapped his fingers. "Take me to 'em."

"Sir, you're not in charge here," the doctor said happily. He was clearly on his own drugs.

Xander smirked and held up the judicial order. "This is to close your shitty center." The doctor took it and swore as he stomped off. "Find 'em." His guards, who he had specially picked for this duty, got into the computer system to do that. They were in a basement 'treatment' area. He went in to release them both and nodded. "Upstairs. Car's outside. Hit it."

They went to do that, limping on the way. Xander let the officials handle things since he had brought people to help him shut this down. He looked at the group by the car. "He's helping the minis for me. I've fired nineteen guards who decided to put you under Waller again. Get in the car so we can go back."

"Waller did that?" Harley demanded.

"Yup. And this building will be demolished with her in it once all the patients are out." He held the door so they'd get in and he got into the front to drive them off. By the time he got back, all the girls were safely back and protected. The one that worried about being alone with men was okay. The senior slayer had gotten the curse from her mother eased by saving her. Rick had shot that agent who had forced her to be alone with him. And a few others.

The girls were having ice cream, Giles was showing up that night to hover over the girls with Faith, and Xander was going to lose his temper on the Secret Service. He'd make sure this stupid wasn't going to happen again. He parked and got out, changing keys with Rick. "My baby slayers?"

"They're fine, Xander. Faith and Giles are on the way to make sure. They're looking forward to having ice cream with you. They're calm. That curse got ended." Xander smirked a bit. "Mine?"

"The hospital will be demolished with Waller in it once all the patients are moved. If she tries to hide, you can hunt her down and put her back in there."

"I can do that," he agreed. "Guys, we need medical?"

"We've had plenty," Harley quipped. She was clearly putting pressure on a wound on her arm.

He stared at her. "I meant good medical. Our medic is on their way up."

"Could use a few stitches," she said. The others nodded. "Deadshot's about to pass out."

"We can use the white house infirmary." He drove them that way because their medic was already being flown up; she got out of the helicopter to run inside when he notified them to reroute her. She met them there and pulled people over to work on them.

Xander finally got back and walked out to make a statement. "If people can't act like good people around myself and the Colonel, then they should probably quit their jobs before I ruin their agency. Completely." He looked around the room.

"I've had enough already. The Secret Service has a lot to answer for today. Including trying to harm my baby slayers I'm working with. The hell to pay they brought on themselves." He walked out to go fix that problem. The Secret Service was going to have to shape up or be dismantled. He was not putting up with that. Not around his baby slayers and not around the Squad.

***

The head of the FBI walked into his office. "Sir," he started.

"Are you going to apologize for your agents helping terrorize little girls?" he asked, not looking up.

"Were my agents involved?"

"Yup." He looked up as he handed over stills from the security video. "I believe some of those are yours."

He looked. "I know six of them. I'll fix that tonight, sir." He stared at him. "We do need the Secret Service."

"Then they should reshape themselves so they're not the sort of group that would hate us for being able to protect ourselves." He smiled slightly. "Or threaten my minis or throw his team into a mental hole of torturing....."

"No, none of that was legal action. The director has offered to resign if need be."

"I have no idea who's going to replace him. Well, I could put someone in charge that Rick recommends I guess." He smirked. "Not like I play politics. I think it's what's wrong with the US today." He handed over something. "Racial and gender neutral hiring orders. Proofread that for me. Tell me where my idea's not good."

He read it over. "Blind hiring isn't a bad thing. The first levels being by chat system instead of in person would save us some time. Also lets us know how computer savvy some people are." He looked at his boss. "It's not a bad idea. How long to implement it?"

"A year."

"I can see that." He handed it back. "Few spelling errors."

"Find me an assistant? Mine ran from the girls asking her questions and never came back."

"I can tell someone that, sir." He left, going to talk to the other directors. They were not going to be happy but the president was an asshole and he had warned them he was an asshole. He was proving it this week because they had made him. It was a hard lesson to learn.

***

Rick looked at his assembled teams. All the ones who were Squad, are Squad, or could be Squad were there. He needed a lot more backup than the original four could give him. And sanity too. "As you all know, I got tapped for a duty that sucks; to be honest it's one I never wanted."

He stared around the group. "As of this point forward, because the Secret Service has proven to be not neutral towards myself or the president, at least one of you will be up here at all times in DC to be on guard patrol." He smirked. "Yes, that explosive in your brains will be employed so you don't run off while deployed. You do any sort of crime without my authority, and I'll make sure it's a spectacle when I set it off."

He waved a hand. "You'll be a household name because I'll have it televised on tv to prove that you're an imbecile to screw this up for all of you. So we're going to make sure you're all up to that task. Because if you lose the president and I have to take the big chair, I'll kill you all by hand and have a lot of fun doing it. Am I clear?" They all nodded. "Good!" He clapped his hands together and smirked back at the doorway then at them.

"By the way, we have a part-time trainee with us today, kids. Meet your fellow student, President Xander Harris." Xander grinned and waved. "I'm sure most of you know who he is and what he's handled. One of you will always be with each of us to guard us. In Xander's case you can't really stop his dates but if you're enemies....eeehh." He shrugged.

"Just let me have sex first," Xander said. "I need the stress relief. Congress is worse than a houseful of bitchy slayers." He stretched his arms up. "I am not the best hand-to-hand person. Never have been. I've been the guy who'd pick up something and use it though." They all grinned at that while he continued to stretch. "Gun work, I'm a bit behind. It's been years since I used anything shooting that wasn't artillery or a crossbow. So yeah, I'll let you guys help me with that."

"Can we bring him on missions to be a distraction?" Harley asked, beaming at them.

"If we can spring us both, sure," Rick decided. "Springing us both may be a problem though." She nodded and sighed, bouncing her head around. He waved Xander over, letting him stand beside him. "In return for training with him he'll teach us how to do watcher things. So we can fully back up slayers. Because none of us want to be eaten."

Xander looked at him. "I'd love it if some of my ex's tried though. It might be the most fun I've ever had in bed."

Rick patted him on the back. "I'm buying you a hooker, Xander."

"Okay." He nodded. "Just don't tell the girls. Faith will giggle but Kennedy will heave a fit worthy of the teenage princess she used to be." He grinned at the thugs and villains. "So, guys...." They attacked and Xander held most of them off. He did mug Harley, making her shriek as he tickled her during it but he got her bat and it was easier on him.

Peacemaker looked at him. "Your side is still sore."

"Yeah. I'm permanently missing ribs there, dude."

"Ow." He sighed but tried to hit him there. So Xander got him with the bat in the nuts. "That's mean," he complained as he crumpled. "You're a guy."

"Yes but I train girls all day long. Especially my minis. Oh, and people, do not hurt my minis. I will enjoy torturing your asses like I'm Harley's ex." He grinned sweetly. "A lot. And then have you healed and start *all* over again." They nodded at that. "The minis are my priority to guard. If it's them or me, you handle them." That got a mass nod. "I want them to grow up mostly normal girls but if one of you wanted to add to their educations, then I'm okay with that."

Deadshot snorted, shaking his head. "Your minis are tough little bitches. We saw them on that film of you teaching them to chase Flag. We shared it around."

Xander nodded. "It sucks they have to be sometimes."

"No parents?" Bloodsport asked.

"All the minis in the house are orphans or social services cases." He shrugged. "We let them stay at home if they can. Most of the present teenagers were around during the First Evil's stuff so they're mostly orphans, or a few who showed up for extensive training times. If they're under twelve and in the house most likely there's a social worker in their life. Except for two, their parents are military and they're on duty somewhere else but couldn't bring the kids."

Bloodsport nodded. "I'm glad it wasn't my daughter."

"We hate that it's anyone's daughter but no one else will do the job. We've proved that a number of times over the years. That's why I don't have a Junior to take my spot. I'll be with them until I die protecting them or something weird happens thanks to the PTB deciding I'm in the way." He waved a hand with a grin. "Like this was."

Rick Flag nodded. "Unfortunately. Anyone had any new visions about that incident?"

"I haven't yet and I'm the main seer at the Council. The girls get dream versions. I get the splitting headache, oh fuck me now sort of visions." He looked at them. "And meds don't work at all on that pain. So feel *really* lucky that wasn't your job." He grinned at them. "Actually, no medical for me if you can manage it. I can do most of my own injuries but I've been exposed to various problems over the years. I don't think I'll infect you though." He grinned.

"Demons bled on you when you fought them," Harley said.

He nodded with a grin. "Yup. And I fell into a tomb and got diseases thanks to the ghosts. Plus one ex-boyfriend I blew up with a grenade up the ass." He snapped his fingers. "One of my ex's in Africa wrote me to say that he said Hi, Flag. He apparently served with you. He's taken over Paulie's stuff after I sent the cannibal gerbils."

"Cannibal gerbils," Deadshot said, considering it. "How bad was that? Gerbils only eat lettuce." Xander pulled out his phone to show him the footage he had taken. It wasn't directly in there but it took less than half an hour for the whole compound to have fled or die. "That's nasty."

"I was being nice." Xander took his phone back to put into his pocket. "I had a lot of options there and decided to use the fluffy, nice one." He beamed. "Then I put some of those ants that can strip a cow in under thirty minutes in there to have fun."

"Was that what mutated a few of them to be over five feet tall?" Rick asked.

"Yup." He grinned and nodded. "They got into the lab."

"Ah," the whole group said with a nod.

Peacemaker got up, still holding himself. "You're so much like one of us but you don't like guns."

"I do like guns. I don't find them absolutely useful in my life," Xander corrected. "Artillery is much more handy."

"Point. I'd hate to shoot a ten foot neck apart," Bloodsport agreed.

There was a pause then Deadshot said, "Let's go back to hazing the rookie." And it went back to sparring time.

***

Xander's first official off-site speech was in Gotham of all places. Rick had laughed at him about that. He was shaking his head as he got off the plane, nearly falling down the stairs. He sighed, looking up at the stairs. "That figures." He walked off again. "Can we put some new non-skid pads on the stairs please?" he asked the senior officer on the plane.

"Yes, sir. We can do that. Every president has fallen down them at least once."

"I'm a bit clumsy," Xander admitted. "Thanks." He saluted and walked off. "Okay, let's go talk to people." Someone handed him the cards with the speech written on them. He frowned. "Why are we talking about that?" He read it and shook his head. "Not acceptable. Who said this was acceptable?" He looked at his new assistant.

"We need to handle mental health care, sir. That's why we're here to talk about it, it seems to be a problem in this area."

"Yes we do." He nodded. "This is not the way. This will hurt people who need help."

"I...."

"We want to help people and protect people. Not just put them in a hellhole system of a hospital."

"It's a bit late to rewrite it."

Xander sighed and took a pen from the holder beside him to go over the notes and correct things. "Make it sound better," he said finally, handing them over. His assistant moaned but rewrote it for him. Xander took it back to reread. He crossed out two lines and they got rewritten so they sounded better. "That'll work. Thank you." His assistant rewrote it so he could read it.

He got out since they had parked. "Sorry, had to talk to my assistant." He smiled and waved at people. The peaceful community was there for him at least. He got up to smile at them. "For some reason, someone decided I should come here to talk about mental healthcare and the needs that we have to accommodate." He heard a laugh and stared at the makeup wearing clown.

"Hey." He smiled and waved. "I'm sure Harley would say hi but she's with the Squad today on a mission." The man tried to throw something at him so Xander shot him in the hip. "Try it again." He smirked. "Not like I haven't taken down whole invasions by myself." The Joker backed off but someone grabbed him.

He tried to take out the officer but he wasn't moving too well. Xander walked over, taking out his wallet case and hitting him with something. "Demon paralytic." He walked back up to give the speech. Thankfully someone had coached him in how to give a real speech instead of a talk in a classroom.

A higher level officer walked up to him after the speech. "Mr. President?"

"Harris. Just...Xander Harris, Commissioner. Someone briefed me about you," he said at the amazed look. Almost a lie. Harley had told him about this one as a primer on Gotham.

"That's good to know. What did you use on him?"

"Demon paralytic." He grinned. "Groo snot! Works great, even on bratty slayers trying to sneak out to go to parties."

"Is that legal?"

"I don't think it's illegal. Perhaps a bit mean but well....I've heard about him from a few underground sources who wanted me to take him out." He grinned. "Not sure which way they meant though. Unlike your city's patron saint, I know some people need to be carefully put somewhere they can't get out of. For him I'd suggest a vault underwater without an air hose."

"We'd like to remake Arkham."

"Please do," Xander agreed with a grin and a nod. "Soon if you can. It'd be a great idea."

"The state doesn't want to pay for it."

"Are they wanting to build a new one?"

"They don't think it's a need."

"I'll talk to your governor. Or have someone on Rick's team talk to your governor." He shook his hand. "Let me disappear before someone gets an idea." He looked at the woman panting at him. "Hey, Succuba."

"Xander, can I help lessen the hellmouth taint?" He held out a hand so she could suck some off. She moaned. "Thank you. You taste *so* good." She walked off like she was high.

Xander winked at the commissioner. "I carry a ton of hellmouth radiation and succuba are great at lessening it for me when it's too high. I actually carry enough that they can't drain me fully of it to eat my other energy." He winked and got into the car, heading back to the airport to go to the next spot. He had to go to Metropolis. He wasn't sure why. As they drove from that airport, he looked around. "Why does this town look worse than Gotham? Has there been a battle here recently?"

"No, sir."

"Then why does it look so bad?"

"No idea, sir."

He looked at his assistant. "Be blunt. Why?"

"Tax deficits."

"Yeah, that'll stop. I can't *stand* that."

"They could not reelect you."

Xander shrugged. "Good!" The assistant groaned but nodded. When they got to that speech site, he got out to go talk to the governor and mayor who were waiting on him. "I noticed all the problems on the way in," he said in greeting. "I was hoping you guys hadn't had a major battle to cause all that."

The governor winced. "No, thankfully not recently." He looked at the mayor.

"The matching fund grants from the state haven't come in yet. They're slow."

"I'd like to see that fixed. Especially since so much of it appeared to be the poorer sections of town. Kids who grew up like me shouldn't have to suffer that too. Not all of them can back up a slayer." He walked off frowning. He waved at the people staring. "I think I'm here to talk about tax stuff?" he asked with a grin.

"School things," someone shouted.

"Oh, yeah. Schools. Which I personally do not get along well in, but that could've been that my town's schools were so far under the national levels they were echos." He talked about schools and his hope for schools. He also talked about alternative schools for people who didn't do well in lecture classes. Beyond vo-tech and the punishment schools.

The crowd was looking pleased with that set of ideas. He smiled at them. "Also, I know those things take funding. I'm going to fix a few...loopholes soon. I pay my fair share. The burden of taxes should not be on the shoulders of those who earn the least. Or the middle class.

"Back in the year my mother was born, the tax rate for bigger corporations and the highest earners was around seventy percent. That's why we could build bridges and schools and roads." He licked his lips. "I'm thinking that it being nearly five percent right now is a problem. I'm going to push for it to go back up to a top tier tax bracket of twenty-five percent on income over a billion dollars a year.

"I'm told the way it works is that the income in the lower brackets you pay that amount, then the stuff that overflows you pay on that bracket's amounts, then you get to the top and pay in that one. It's wrong that people who wouldn't even notice if they lost ten million in an hour don't pay their own taxes."

He stared at one person. "And before people whine that I'll never get reelected, great! I don't want a second term but I'm damn sure going to fix some things so people don't grow up like I did. Or I could suggest we do like a certain period in historical Rome when the richest citizen was honored to have his entire wealth taken to pay as taxes.

"Then he could start over. They used to fight to be the one who got used that way." He smiled as he walked off. "Hopefully that'll go to fix all the damage in your city and build the new schools you guys need. So no one else can use your streets as a war movie set." He waved as he got into the car and was driven off.

Lex Luthor was looking amused. He was in the top twenty certainly but not the one who'd be hit for a few years. Unless ones like him suddenly started to do a lot of charity work. So an indirect threat. It was clear Harris knew who he really was and what he did as a ...hobby. His file on Harris showed he could be a dirty asshole when he wanted to be. Did he want to push the president to poke his head into LexCorps business? Not really.

That may be a very bad idea and lead to even worse things happening. "He's right, I don't pay the same tax rate my secretary does," he said when a press person looked at him. "That isn't really fair or correct. Greedy of me many would say. I do want to appear to be a good citizen." He looked at the mayor. "I'll run a few fundraisers to fix all that damage that hasn't been fixed yet?"

"That's a generous offer, Mr. Luthor. Thank you for that." The mayor smiled and shook his hand. "It is needed. Hopefully we'll be able to up our schools as well."

"Yes, we should. He's right, plenty of people don't learn from books. They could be more productive members of society if they're properly educated beyond their basics." He walked off looking amused. A bit angry but the guy was right. It did look bad on him, as the most prominent citizen of the city, that the town looked so bad. He listened to his speech at Gotham when he got back to the office, laughing as the guy used a demon snot paralytic on the Joker. He was showing up heros and others today.

***

Rick walked into the oval office, staring at Xander. "You're sure you want to do that?"

"Yup. It's needed." He stared at him. "It'll bring down the deficit. It'll give people money to rebuild all those bridges that need it. To rehab housing so it's not sitting there rotting while we have homeless people. To up schools and school lunches. I don't want anyone else to end up eating tofu on wonderbread because that's the school lunch that day."

"That's gross."

"Yes it was."

"Are you going to go full on socialist?"

"I believe that if you give people the things they need to take advantage of opportunities most will use it. Some things should be counted as human rights. We have thousands of houses sitting around rotting thanks to foreclosures and being abandoned. Why? We have fewer homeless people than we do housing that's sitting around rotting.

"We can get groups to rehab them and sell them cheaply enough or even just lease them on rental contract through the local housing authority or HUD office. We have stuff to feed people, and we're not. There's no reason for a child today to have their only meal be school lunch, and that needs to be looked at too.

"They're healthy but for some kids that four hundred calories isn't enough. We also need to repair infrastructure that's crumbling since it was built before the turn of the century. Metropolis had a lot of places that looked like a war movie set. All of them in poorer housing areas. Gotham had some of that too but they've been cleaning it up after bigger problems. Slowly but they're trying."

"I can understand that. People are going to yell about socialism."

"Well, maybe we've proven that the American Ideal of showing up, working hard, and you'll make a good income wrong by now. It's not that way anymore."

"No it's not. And it hasn't been for decades."

"Which we both grew up in."

"True." He nodded at that. "I can support that but it's going to get us screamed at. The next guy would take them out."

"Perhaps. But those projects will be started by then. The states could elect to finish them. The ones that cut off the income tax rate are already suffering and it shows."

"It does. They're still going to scream."

Xander nodded. "The American Dream only works if you showed up with money."

"True." He tipped his head. "Neither of us want kids to grow up like we did."

"Yes I don't." He grinned and nodded. "They had me giving a speech that wanted me to talk about enforcing hospitalizations."

"Hell."

"Yes it will be when I have that talk. You have tact, wanna go talk to them for me?"

"Please." He got handed that speech's cards and grimaced. "Hell no!" He went to gather the team for the oval office and presidential support staff so they could have a meeting about all that. He could explain Xander to them. They didn't like it but oh well. They could find their replacements if they had to.

He heard Harley come bouncing in and run in to hug Xander and grinned when he caught her eye. He went back to talking to the staff about Xander's viewpoints about things. Xander handed in an outlined list of ideas and walked off with Harley to get some ice cream with the minis who had just shown up.

Rick ended up doing the same thing with most of the team since they were in for sparring with Xander in the big gym here. The girls talked them into it by pouting at them. Too many of the Squad had kids so they gave in easily.

***

Xander looked at the staring generals. He was actually in Missouri to give a speech. Then this had popped up. It had totally screwed with the plans going on in DC today, but thankfully Flag was on his way out to this military base. The local generals had conferenced in the higher generals to handle overall orders.

He had lucked into good leaders who had good ideas and had studied the last event like this one. "This isn't the one that was foreseen, people. That one was alien. Or at least on space ships." They groaned. "And we're a year too early." He looked around. "Are these the same ones that did the portals the last time? I know the portals are just starting but have we seen through them yet?"

"Yes, sir," one of the Marines said. "They said it'll be about an hour before it opens based on last time's progression."

"Did the witches say they still had a master portal?" They nodded. "Is it back in Georgia?"

"Montana," the head of the Marines said from the phone.

"Okay." He considered the maps, letting Flag get into them when he stomped in wearing body armor already. Xander had his on too. "You want the suicide spot or one of the major areas?"

"Major area. But you're taking Peacekeeper. I'll need the others. You won't have enough people who can shoot good enough." Xander stared at him. "You are. You need the guarding, Xander. You two work well together."

"I handled it last time."

"This time you're missing two ribs."

Xander rolled his eye even though he didn't really mind. He and Christopher got along pretty well and they had hung out a few times to do guy things because Xander had forgotten what guys did thanks to being around the slayers too often. "Whatever. But fine. Like my guys last time I'll make sure he's got explosives if he needs 'em."

"He'd enjoy that. I never let him play with anything bigger than a handgun outside of missions."

They went over it and Flag assigned people's spots. Xander went to make a statement to the press from the local video conference center while he handled that so the people knew it wasn't the one that was foreseen but it was apparently a rerun of an earlier one. They'd handle it better this time. With military backup this time. Xander got handed his axe by Harley, getting a hug too before she jogged off after Rick to go save Gotham this time.

Xander nodded at the one left to him. "We've got the bad spot." He handed something over. "Explosives. Blow up whatever you can if you can." They shared a look.

Peacekeeper nodded. He knew that was a 'take them out with you if you're going to die anyway' last event explosive device. "If I have to, I can blow the portal or them." He checked, it was a few explosive packets strung together that could be set off together or singly.

Xander nodded. "I've got two if you need extra." He pointed at his belt pack and they walked out together. Xander had trained a lot with the Squad. And the slayers. The girls were going to handle a few portals but they were being backed up and agents were handling the rest with military backup this time.

They'd handle it faster at least. Once they were in the jet taking them to the nearest base in Montana to helicopter in from he sighed. He looked at the two with them. He handed over their explosives. "If you're in the battle, try to get that onto the portal. If not, use it how you see fit to destroy some of the nasties." He looked at Christopher again, getting a shrug. "I know. Last time too."

"Do you have another of those bombs handy?"

"I have two more emergency weapons I can pull out but that means I won't have any at the other thing. These were built specifically to take out other worldly beings instead of inter-dimensional ones. They're here," he said with a point at those spots. Peacemaker nodded once.

"If we gotta, we gotta, and I'll go sex up an arms dealer again to get more I guess. Or I'll figure it out and Xander it when the actual testing one comes." Peacemaker snorted but looked amused. "I've done it before. At least I'm not naked and it's not raining this time." They took off to be taken to the Montana site.

The militia wannabes up there were trying to handle it when they finally got there. The military unit backing them up showed up after they had landed. All Special Forces. Xander looked at them. "That portal has to come down. It's apparently the master one holding the others open again. Just like Georgia last time," he announced. "Let's do it, people. You all got explosives, right?"

"Yes, sir," the leader agreed. "Which sucks."

"Yeah but sometimes it's the right answer even if it is a bad reality we're in. Would you rather be eaten?"

"No," he admitted. "Fall in, help the militia boys and girls. Make sure the president doesn't fall."

"If I fall, I fall," Xander ordered them. "I've been in just as bad and if I go, oh fucking well, Flag will do fine and he's a West Point guy." The unit leader winced. "Oh fucking well, kid. C'mon." They went down to help, Xander pulling off his axe to take a swing at the first demon.

It shouted he was there. It brought more. "What? Mad I nuked you last time?" he joked. "You should wait and see what I do this time." He got back to work, grumbling about this. He finally dropped the body armor vest and moved back in. "Better but ow."

Peacemaker saw that and whined. "Oh, that's going to be bad. He's going to be yelled at." He heard a familiar voice and looked. "Oh, hey, Flag's dad," he called with a wave. "He's at the one in Gotham."

"I heard from the news. Guard your protectee, now!"

"I'm trying!" He moved closer to Xander, ducking a swing. "Easy there."

"Two feet to the right, Christopher."

"Fine." He did that and they moved forward, him firing, Xander cutting. Another group of different demons came over. "Are they shootable?" he called.

Xander looked. "Those are beheaders and their blood is acidic and can burn you in bigger blobs," he yelled. The soldiers moaned. "Not my doing. Sorry! Blowing the fuckers up means their heads come off though." They did that and went back to the original ones. Xander winced at the first burn from the blood but he'd handle it and keep going. He got one of their higher ups down. "Hey, I got a prince!" he shouted.

The other side's army focused on him and let the soldiers do what they had to do while Xander defended himself. He moaned at one hit to his side then cut that one in half. "I need my battle claws," he muttered. "Too bad I lost them in a poker game." He cut a few more and the soldiers got them from surrounding him. He sighed, catching his breath.

"Let's blow the portal, guys. It's gotta go off. If it's not the master portal, we'll tell the others while we get stitches." They caught their breath between waves of demons since they couldn't get near the portal. Xander used his explosives and crossbow from his back to shoot it at the portal. It blew up some of the troops. A few more tried to blow it up. They got closer.
Xander pulled out one of the spares and headed forward, shaking his head. "Let's blow this pop stand." One of the guys tried to take it from him. "Let me do it. If I fall it's okay. You guys got Flag." He made it nearby and got to blow up part of the portal. It twisted, which reset it to another realm. Xander winced. He stepped into view.

"We're trying to blow up another portal to save our planet from an invasion. It reset to yours, we're not invading," he called and waved. "Sorry!" The military guys got the other side exploded and the portal sucked into itself. He sighed in pleasure. "Oh, good. And not that other problem too. They're probably harder to kill."

He wobbled a bit. "I need a cookie." He wandered back, trying to get his vest but it was covered in the acidic blood and being eaten through. "Sure." He nodded. Peacemaker slapped him on the back of the head. "Hey! You would've too," he told him.

"I'm not the president."

"Fuck that shit. I'm a guy who has had to protect the earth a few times from demon problems. I'm a hunter. President is just a temporary job title." He helped a few guys up, making one whine in pain. "I know but there's paramedics," he soothed. "C'mon. I'll treat you like a slayer. They can even give you ice cream tonight."

The guy snorted but leaned on him to limp with them. "Get the people off the field so we can burn it," he called hoarsely. The paramedic took the guy from him. He sighed as he sat down, grabbing some gatorade to drink. "Damn I hate those beings. They need to stay home." He took another drink and got out of the way. "Let me go help injured people."

"We have a military unit who was going to relieve you guys to do that, sir," one paramedic said. "Are you injured?"

Xander snorted and nodded. "But I don't believe in the power of medics since I've been exposed to multiple types of demon blood over the years. That's why I have black and gooey spots in mine and a few flecks of blue stuff...." He looked at himself. "The green's not mine."

The paramedic walked him over to the tent to get him treated. "He's been exposed to demon bloods."

"Of course he has. You kill them and they bleed on you," another soldier quipped.

"Exactly," Xander agreed. "But I'm mostly okay. Just really tired and thirsty."

"Did someone get eaten?" one of the body hauling team asked. "We spotted a body armor vest."

"That's mine," Xander called. "It was getting in the way of my swing. I've got a backup at home." They nodded. Xander took the communication headset from the head of the Spec Ops teams since it sounded like he was being argued with. "It's Harris. This portal is down. Was it the master as we thought? The red ones need to be beheaded and their blood is highly acidic. It will burn skin if it touches you. I suggest higher yield blowing off their heads."

He finished his gatorade and nodded. "Give me five minutes then tell the witches, dude." He handed it back. "It was the master, the other one's on that base that had the portal open on it." The military guys all winced. "They got the demons but can't blow the portal. I'm going to do that. Thank you guys for the good service today." He shook hands and left.

"Flag is going to kill my ass for not going with him," Peacemaker said quietly as he came back from the latrine. He got brought to another fight and nodded at the beings. "Thank you for that service." They flew off. He rushed up to get into the battle. If he had to, he still had his last event explosives. "Guys, anything red has acidic blood and will burn you," he called to the obvious commander.

"The other ones can be blown up. Behead the red ones somehow." That got a nod. "The master's down." The portal shut and he sighed in pleasure but threw the explosive. Well, most of it. He had kept a single unit of it for his later use just in case. He didn't want to die from being eaten if he fell.

They fought this group off and he finally did get too injured to stand and blow demons away, and he really thought about using the explosive but the other guys had it. He whined as he fell to a broken leg, getting helped up by someone so he could hop off. He handed that guy the explosive. That one nodded and went to use it on the demons.

Xander showed up with artillery and blew up the group. "Not this year either. And never try it again," he called. "Before I get really angry and do a return visit to your own people." The demons finished dying. Xander helped his guard to the medics and disappeared to handle the rest of Gotham. He had stuff from Andrew again. Including a new laser cannon.

It wasn't as effective this time but it sure could destroy stuff. Including something trying to eat Harley. "Do it later please, Miss Ivy?" he called. "Let's fight the ones trying to eat humanity first? They won't like your plants any more than others do." She sent it at them and let her ex-girlfriend be for now. Xander hated this cannon and decided to go 'fuck it' and call out for something he was owed.

It was handed to him by an agent from a demon plane and Xander used it on that group. They went up with screams of pain from the incendiary powers. He fired on others until they were down to a few demons left and they got them. "Finally!" he panted. "Wow." He let the demon agent have it. "Thank you for the lending."

"You can hold that one. You use it well, Harris. Even if it does suck off your energy taint." He disappeared with a smile.

Xander grinned back. "I'll remember that." He sighed, looking at Poison Ivy. "Well," he said. She let out a tiny smirk at that noise. "Can you clean up the mess with something that'll eat the demon parts but not stick around or mutate to eat people?"

She tipped her head. "Perhaps. You'd trust me to do that?"

"No. But I trust the mayor less. It's in your interest not to have corrupting, infecting, or poisoning demon parts littering the area."

"Point." She walked off, staring at Harley, who shrugged. "How did you get here?"

"Most of the Squad is here."

"Oh, them," she said, grimacing.

"We do good work, Pammy," she said, limping closer. "We really do."

"I realize that. Shoo. Let me help clean up this disaster area." Harley nodded, limping off. Xander wasn't around. She stared at Flag, who shrugged.

"Let's get people to medics," Flag ordered. "Before we die of demon blood infection or something." He looked around. "Thank you to all the warriors the peaceful community sent," he called. "It was much appreciated and helped a great deal." They bowed and left together.

A few others who had jumped in followed. He made sure their wounded got picked up to go to the medics too. One balked but Rick Flag glared at him. "They put their lives on the line to help defend the earth and the city. You'll treat them like any other fighter we had," he ordered quietly. "Am I clear?"

"Yes, Colonel. I don't know about any body differences though."

"Then get one of their healers here once you do necessary primary care stuff."

"I can do that. Someone get them a healer of their own kind," he called.

"He's on his way," another medic called back. "This way, Vice President Flag," he called with a wave. "Your people are over here." He nodded, limping that way. "Reports are stating most everything else was already stopped. Metropolis was still going and three others are still going. Superman is in Kansas for some reason. The other two were just military and all information was passed on to them as well. They needed more higher level weapons we think."

"That's good. I'll get a sit rep once I've had a drink. Thank you." He shook his hand and sat down on the end of Bloodshot's bed to sip some water that got handed to him while he called in. "It's Flag, Gotham's portal is done. The president showed up with a bigger gun and finished it off for us. He asked Pamela Isley to clean up the battle site."

He listened. "They need me or him? I have no idea where he is or Peacemaker since I put him on Xander's ass." He listened then nodded. "That figures. We'll find him somewhere I'm sure. Thanks. Flag out." He hung up and handed the device back.

"The witches took Xander from that primary battle site in Montana and took him to one on a base where they needed higher weapons. Peacemaker got sent to Metropolis. Got injured, he's there. Someone find the president?" he called. "He was here and then seemed to vanish."

"Ask at the poker ball," one of the demon warriors said. "It's downtown by the library."

"I can send someone to do that." Harley tried to get up but was pushed back down. "You, stay."

"I can ask."

"I don't care."

"With his luck, Puddin' took him for darting him."

"We've got six superheroes in town, Quinn. Let them do their jobs too, or the Secret Service." He looked at a nearby guard, who was calling that in.

"Batman is going to check there later. The commissioner has asked and he said he would. He's checking his cohorts then he'll go ask."

"Okay. Let me know. I don't want the big desk." That got a nod. Rick slumped and caught his breath and calmed himself down. They'd find Xander eventually. Xander had some way of surviving even the most stupid things.

***

Xander looked up from where he was hanging by his wrists. He had been knocked cold and woke up here. He was not a happy boy. "Dude, I've had worse than this on a date night," he said dryly. "I mean, really? People are scared of you?"

"Yes!" the Joker sneered. "They are!" He tried to hit Xander again on the weak spot he had found on his side. Xander flinched but sneered and spit on him. "Eww. That's childish."

"Not with the demon blood I've been exposed to." The Joker grimaced, wiping it off. Xander kicked up and kicked him back. "Your breath stinks. Were you sucking off Frolanx demons? Dude, scope! Please!"

"What, it reminding you of a few dates?"

"No, even the warlords had better breath. Scope exists in Africa too, dude." The Joker tried to hit him again and Xander kicked him back again. So he picked up the tire iron. "Aww, you need a weapon. Let me have one too, we'll see who's the better weapons person." The Joker took a swing.

Xander shifted to block it and that snapped the hook the chain was on. "Wow, you bought cheap shit." He ducked the newest blow and hit him back. It became a brawl. Which got interrupted. Xander looked over at the door exploding in, nodding. "Get my pet weapon please? It's an honor they let me keep it."

He brutally beat the asshole a few more times. At the end, the Joker was on the ground groaning. He leaned down with a bloody smirk. "Ya know, if Harley was dirty enough to be one of mine, I'd be the best boyfriend ever. Squealing nightly, no torture unless she asked, and the best boyfriend ever. I guess I really do out-man you in every category."

"I can blow you up."

"A whole demon plane tried earlier. You're weaker than them too." He walked over his body, taking his weapons to pet. His axe went on his back and he cuddled the new special gun. "C'mon, baby. We'll go back to the white house. People are going to be freaking out on Flag soon."

He looked at the younger guy in the Batman like costume. He wasn't sure which one it was, there were a few mini Batman running around Gotham. "Thanks, dude. Great timing on that distraction for me." He punched him on the arm. "Let me go get dinner. I haven't eaten since late last night." He limped off with his weapon and his axe back on his back.

"Mr. Harris, you forgot a gun," he said with a point.

Xander grinned. "He can have that one. It's hard to find bullets for and it's only got two left. He can use them I'm sure. After all, he chose dishonor before death." He limped off happier with that. A guard sped up and parked next to him, getting out to help him into the car. "I'm fine. Don't touch the weapons, it's a sign of respect that they let me keep the energy sucking one and my baby needs to be cleaned by me when I get back."

"Sir, you're injured."

Xander looked at himself then at the guy. "Really? I could've sworn I was in a battle earlier. Huh, think of that!" The guard groaned. "I'm fine. The slayers are going to nag like shit when I call in to check on them later. How're my minis?"

"They're fine. They were in the white house bunker with some of the staff." He drove him off.

"Any reports on my older girls?"

"Six slayers died, a few are in the hospital." Xander slumped but nodded. "They're probably expecting you tomorrow."

"I'll make a speech to calm down people tonight then head in the morning."

"Yes, sir."

"I'll bring the minis with me." That got a nod too and he called that in. Once he was on the presidential jet, he cleaned his face off and stood in front of the camera that was linked back to the Press Office. He sighed as the taping started. "We won," he said. "With a lot of sacrifices of military, civilians, and slayers. I mourn those who died defending everyone else. And I mourn with those who lost family and friends.

"For now, things are back at peace and will hopefully stay there for days. We'll be calling for a four day weekend for official mourning duties and to see if anyone did something extraordinary that needs to be publically noted. For now, mourn, sleep knowing that you're safe, and that if they try a third time we'll stop them sooner." He hung up the camera and went to collapse on a chair to rest for now.

The guard stared at him. "You're not wearing your body armor."

"I had to take it off earlier, it was getting in the way of swinging my axe." He pulled it over to get to work cleaning it. "Do we have regular alcohol and q-tips?"

"Yup." He got the weapons cleaning kit for him.

Xander smiled slightly. "Thanks." He got to work cleaning up his baby. Then his new baby. By the time they got back to DC it was nearly the middle of the night and he was exhausted. They detoured him to the infirmary but he was good enough. Just needed some sleep. The medics disagreed but oh well. Xander limped off to go shower and sleep. Then he'd get reports on the battles from the generals to look over.

***

Xander opened the slayer house's door and let the minis run inside to the bathroom and to go looking for people. He followed the last one, nodding at Giles. "How many?"

"Possibly ten," he admitted, shaking his hand. "The girls were fine?"

"They were in the white house bunker."

"That's good," he sighed. "They didn't try the house this time."

"There were only three repeating spots this time." He led him to the office to share what he'd need to record for later events. "Did you guys get the acidic blooded beheaders?"

"No. I heard there were." Xander showed a picture taken from a video. "Oh, them." He made that note as well. "Are you here for the funerals?" Xander nodded. "Willow would have enjoyed that." Xander winced. Giles patted him on the arm. "You've both made it longer than most field watchers, Xander. She fell during the battle protecting some of the other witches who were destroying the portal." Xander nodded, biting his lip then nodding again. He sighed. "We'll figure things out."

"We always do," Xander agreed quietly. "Any of my girls?"

"Only one's in the hospital but it's a traction, not ICU or post surgical." Xander nodded, going to visit the slayers in the hospital. It cheered them up. He even let them nag him about stuff. He'd be there for the funerals and could help them attend.

***

Peacemaker looked at the military guy at the foot of his hospital bed with the tablet. "Who are you?" the officer asked. "Designation and serving where?"

"Peacemaker. Task Force X and sometimes the VP's guard squad. I was on the president for the battle but the witches moved him without me. Then a flying being moved me to the one I got injured at."

"That makes sense." He typed that in. "Your colonel is wondering where you are."

"That's fine. Once I can get out of here I'll go back to DC somehow."

"We can get you there." He looked at him. "The president?"

"He's with the slayers by the news. They lost some of them. The beehive of press people caught him bringing the minis home for the funerals."

"That figures." He nodded, making a note. "We'll get you transport tonight, soldier." He left him to figure out who the others were and where they belonged.

***

Flag met his guy at the airfield. "You're walking?"

"Barely. Their damn weapon nearly took off my leg." He limped over. "I looked over and saw your dad."

"I heard that. He's not amused that they tried it again. Said they should've learned from Xander nuking them last time."

"Is he okay?"

"Not sure. I haven't actually seen him or talked to him. He got away from the medics though so he's at least walking." He stared at him. "You good?"

"Mad at myself."

"Me too. Each time I get injured that badly." He walked him back to the car. "Anything I haven't heard?"

"Did you hear he took off the body armor because it was getting in the way of him using his axe?"

"No, I hadn't," he said dryly and smirked. "I need to yell at him before I have to take over his spot. Especially since after the last battle he was in, he got captured by Harley's ex for a brawl." Peacemaker slumped, shaking his head. "Apparently Xander beat him pretty badly."

"Wow. I haven't had that sort of energy ever."

"Me either." They got driven back to the VP's residence so they could calm down and check on each other. He saw Harley was pouting. "What?"

"Pammy's upset with me."

"For saving people? Get a better pussy to date, Harley."

"I don't know why." She leaned back, her leg propped up on the coffee table. "You good?"

"I suck. Whatever they were firing nearly took off my leg." He sat down ad put his leg up too. "Is the thing that got us sent up here as bad?"

"Aliens. The visions showed a gun battle mostly. They're not able to be shot or exploded or anything else that we have on hand in the military so they took some people. We're going to go around it."

"Good!" a few of them agreed.

"So just some yahoos who want to welcome their alien overlord then," Harley quipped. She slumped down. "It sucks they won't give us real meds."

"Not like they want you high," Rick said dryly. "I'll grab the aleeve for you."

"Thanks, Ricky." She looked at Christopher. "You look weird."

"Physically? Or because I ran into his dad? And then my dad's ghost." He shook his head.

"That's enough to weird people out," she said, reaching over to pat him on the wrist. He smirked at her. "Being a comforting sort so you can rest until you can go get the anger out on the heavy bag again."

"Thanks." He took his dose of pills and swallowed them dry. She did the same thing and took the water Rick handed them. "Thanks." He yawned. "Let me go crash."

"Go ahead." He helped them stand and let them wander up to their beds. He went to his own to write his father an email. His old man was still creeped out about why he had the present job. So was Rick really. And he had one last big battle he had to handle before he could retire from it.

***

Xander winced as he bent, then straightened up. "Let's try that again." He bent down to get the dropped pen and stood up slowly. "Better. I've got to deal with that." He sat down to go back to his paperwork.

His guard walked in and stopped in front of the desk. "Sir, it was noted you took off your special vest."

"Yes I did. It got in the way of me swinging my axe." He stared at him. "My side is fine. Really it is. Bending over sucks still, but I'm fine."

"Why is bending hurting? Does it in your vest?"

"That vest is to cover a place where I'm missing a rib. It's not for my back. And I couldn't bend over in it."

"Oh, I did not realize that. A rib...how are you missing a rib?"

"The same battle that we lost Slayer Buffy in."

"Oh. It didn't grow back?"

"They had to excise it completely and the one below it that didn't join at the front."

"So you're missing two ribs."

Xander nodded with a smirk. "I am. And I've trained without my vest before. I'll be okay. My backup vest is being fitted better by the tailor I use." He went back to the paperwork. The guard lunged at him so he got him with a desk statue he kept for that and then stabbed him when the guy staggered back from the blow. "Is that really what you think is a good idea?" He looked out there. "Patrick," he called. "This guard tried to attack me. He needs a medic."

"Not an ambulance?"

"I only stabbed him, Patrick. Come get his ass."

"I was just testing you," the guard whined.

"Yay. You still attacked me." Two guards and a medic came in. "He decided to attack me. I got him with the desk statue and then stabbed him a tiny bit."

The medic checked him over. "He'll live." The guards helped him haul the guy up and walk him down to the infirmary.

Xander looked at his assistant. "He asked me about my vest."

"We noticed but we figured it was for a back injury."

"No, it's a well known fact I'm missing a rib and one of the half ribs on the bottom. They had to completely remove them."

"Ow," his assistant complained, rubbing his side. "I have not heard that from anywhere, sir."

"It's fairly well known as far as I know." Rick stomped in. "Didn't everyone know about my rib?"

"Yeah, as far as I know," he agreed. He stared at him. "Your backup vest?"

"Being tailored."

"Replacing the other one?"

"No idea. I can't find a new one." He shrugged. "It happens."

"The guard?"

"Told me he was testing me after I had to stab him."

"Great." Rick stared at him. "Can we cover that weakness somehow?"

"I've trained without the vest. I had to deal with that idiot ex of Harley's without the vest too." He gave him a pointed look. "I'm good, really. I'm okay. It just hurts to bend today for some reason."

"Get it checked."

"My doc's in Cleveland." He sat back down. "He's a healer because a lot of docs won't treat me due to the demon blood exposure."

Rick sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Are there not healers locally?"

"Richmond."

"Can we travel to see that one?"

"No." He grinned. "We've got three meetings later. Right now I'm just sore for some reason. It's good. I'm okay. I mean, I had malaria and still had a battle I had to handle."

"Get one of the medics up here to check him over," Rick ordered. "Just in case he's hiding another injury. They barely got to fuss at him after the battle and the torture later." He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at Xander. "I'm going to sic Harley and Peacemaker on you. Together. To bully your ass into using some sense." Xander sighed, shaking his head. "Good. Thank you for being reasonable." A medic came in wearing two pairs of gloves and a mask. "He's not contagious."

"I don't want that spilled on me in case, Colonel." He had Xander sit on a chair so he could look him over. Rick looked at Patrick, who went to call around to find that healer to set up an appointment. "I see a few injuries but they look fine."

"I had trouble bending over," Xander admitted. He leaned forward at the gentle push. "Ow, there."

"That's...a bruise for some reason." The medic stepped back. "We can have your doctor at Bethesda send you for a few exams."

"I don't see the guy at Bethesda. He doesn't like the demon blood exposure either. He refused."

Rick huffed. "We're going to have to fix that. If you die I'm going to call you back and yell for days before I take you out again."

Xander looked at him. "Recalling a lost spirit to come back that way will weaken the First Evil again. Do we need that sort of problem too?"

"No. I'd have you taken out again when I was done yelling." Patrick came back. "The healers?"

"Said he's a human."

Xander nodded. "I get that a lot." He grinned. "A lot of healers hate to treat me because I am a human with demon blood exposure and a lot of human docs hate treating me because I've had demon blood exposure. The one in Cleveland tolerates me. I can set up an appointment the next time I'm back in Cleveland."

Rick nodded. "That won't be for months."

"It's probably just a bruise, Rick."

"It's probably something worse."

"Colonel, I'm fine."

He stared at him. "You pull rank and I'm going to kick your ass our next sparring time, sir." He smirked a tiny bit.

Xander grinned. "You haven't managed that in weeks."

"Yeah, I've been training the new squad members." He grabbed the desk phone and called. "Harley, he's ignoring he's injured. Docs don't want to see him. Come nag him. He can't even bend over." He hung up and stared at Xander. "Quit being so stubborn. I do not want to take your job." Peacemaker stomped in. "Good. Nag his ass like he's your wife. He can't bend over." He stomped off shaking his head to straighten out a few other people.

Peacemaker looked at him. "You're not really wife material. Especially if you can't bend over."

"I know a few arms dealers who would've disagreed with that thought." He sat back down with a wince. "There's a bruise."

"I'm pretty sure there's more than a few with your history." He sat down. "So what is it really?"

"Bruise. Lower back." He grimaced. "They happen at times."

"How did you get bruised there?"

"Not really certain. It could've been during that one fight after the battle I guess." He screwed up his face then let it go. "No clue really." He got back to work. "Make the guards quit gossiping? I can hear them nagging each other about getting close to me."

"I can do that." He heaved himself up and went to casually stroll that way. The guards gave him a horrified look so he smiled. "The president said he was hearing rumors about you guys not wanting to guard him?"

"He's not a normal human."

"No he's not. He's a long term combat veteran. He has more time in service than Flag does because he started younger, but it's not from an officially recognized service branch."

"They said he's been exposed to demon blood."

"Yeah. He killed a bunch over the years. They bled as they died." He grimaced. "Wanted to take his place and help the slayers?"

"No." They shared a look. "He's still very weird. Very informal."

"He's not used to all this stuff. Neither of them grew up knowing anything about all this sort of stuff. They've got people in to teach them table manners." The guards grimaced but nodded. "Do your duty or have your people switch you for someone who can do your duty.

"Xander shouldn't have to shoot anyone himself. Even if they are the ex that showed up last night." They groaned and went to find out who that was. Peacemaker limped back to the office and settled in again. "Was that warlord actually that good?"

"Eeeeehhhhh," Xander sighed, then shrugged but grinned. "Better than many who just used me for their own pleasure and hated it if I got any of my own."

"You've dated a lot of limp dicked idiots."

"I have," Xander said with a grin and a nod. "And some were girls." He went back to the paperwork he hated. "Why am I filling out manpower reports?" he muttered, staring at it. "Patrick, why am I filling out stuff that looks like the guard team should be doing?"

"That way they have an accurate count of who actually showed up instead of assuming the whole team was actually doing their jobs." Patrick came in to look at it. "That event, you were scheduled to have three guards." He pointed at that line. "Did you?"

"We had one." He wrote that down. Patrick helped him go through that one then left with the papers to fax them over. He gathered the ones from Colonel Flag's assistant, Marta, to do the same thing with. His had little doodles on the margins thanks to a few of his guys, and Harley, but they'd accept them in that format too. Especially since it showed the artist beating the agents who hadn't shown up.

***

Xander looked up from his paperwork of doom. It seemed to explode somehow the night before. Or bred maybe. He had left with only two things to read and came back to nineteen folders and another six things to read on top of the two. He'd whine but his guards today would just smirk and agree to take him out so he didn't have to do it. Though Flag would kill them if they did. Was that really a bad thing though? He'd be free of all this.

At least thinking about being killed was better than doing the paperwork.

He finally stood up and tossed his jacket on the chair. "Okay, I'm done. Fuck this shit. I need to hit B-Dubs."

"Why not go to a real wing place?" Harley asked him.

"Because they have beer there and tvs that show sports I have no idea about. I really know nothing about sports."

Christopher stared at him for a minute. "Really? You're a guy, Xander."

"Who had one guy friend until we were sixteen, and neither of us were sporty, and then I was surrounded by women until I went to Africa. I have *no* clue about sports but the noise is nice. Beer is too sometimes even though I hate drinking. But today, it's looking like a day I could drink myself to death thanks to the paperwork."

Harley sighed and looked up somewhere. "Okay, we can go watch you eat dinner."

"Fuck no, you're coming with me so I'm officially guarded." He hauled her up. "It's not fair that you don't get to eat. That'd suck." He walked out with her and Peacemaker behind him. "Peacemaker, any idea if you like wings?"

"Call me Christopher when we're just being casual," he reminded dryly. "And yeah, I like wings. You aren't going to do a wing challenge right?"

"Nah. I'm not really into barbeque sauce but B-Dubs has a garlic and parmesan sauce that's nice enough." He grinned at him then walked around his walking assistant. "Going out for dinner."

"That's fine, sir. Did you get anything done?"

"No, I stared in horrified stupidness at most of them because I have no idea what they say." He beamed at him. "You can put it into tiny words tomorrow." He ran out to the garage, getting his keys from the lock box. The guard in there gave him an odd look. "I'm escaping for dinner."

"We can go clear somewhere out," he offered, getting up.

"I was going to hide in a corner of a B-Dubs and pretend to be invisible." He beamed. "Since no one seems to recognize me it should be okay. If not, I've got at least two knives and a bottle of holy water." He climbed into his car. Christopher sighed and shoved him over then got in to drive. "Hey! Not the wife!"

"You're not allowed to drive," Harley said as she got into the back. "Sorry, Xander!" She grinned at him. "It's not considered safe."

"No one here can tell who I am. They all recognize Rick and not me. Hell, I've snuck out so many times it's not funny. Including past you two." They nodded they heard about that, looking amused.

Christopher changed the radio station to a classic rock station and pulled out, taking them to the place Harley liked. It wasn't a sports bar, though it did have tvs playing a few sports. It was by American University so was full of broke college students.

They gave them a curious look but only one person asked if Harley was herself. She smiled and patted him on the cheek with a nod. "Dinner time," Christopher told him. That kid got an autograph and left them to eat. Xander smirked at him. "Fine. You're almost invisible."

"You know, Cordy and her Cordettes made some girl invisible in high school," Xander said. "They ignored her so hard she actually turned invisible. I really should make sure she's still okay since the government got her." He settled into the backside of a booth and looked at the menu.

They did have a sauce he'd like, and teriyaki if he had to go there. So it was good and the tv's were droning about college football. Which he did not understand. He stared at one tv. "Willow used to call football gay sex in teams." Christopher choked on his beer trying not to laugh.

"Tara said it looked more like a sacred trek to bring home the new baby past an enemy force. Which I can agree with. Aggressively trying to get the new baby home. Though that doesn't explain all the patting that they do these days." He sipped his own beer, a darker German beer thanks to Harley ordering. "Oh, hey, that doesn't smell like my dad. Thanks, Harley."

"Welcome, Xander." She looked at Christopher. "We knew the girls warped him."

"Buffy watched golf and horse jumping and sometimes diving to see the guys in the speedos." Xander shrugged. "She sure stared when I went UC on the swim team. Her and Willow."

Christopher looked at him. "You did?"

"They were turning into creatures and eating other students. Someone had to figure it out."

"Great."

"I was skinnier and lanky back then. I bulked up with muscles after grad." He took another drink then checked he had his wallet. He did and it had money and his lone debit card. "I'm good, get dinner, guys." The waitress came over. "Howdy." He grinned. "I need wings. It's been a day full of stupid."

"I can do that. How many do you want, sir?"

"Say, ten to start, with that garlic and parmesan sauce?" She nodded. "And a burger with no veggies but pickles and bacon and ketchup?"

"I can do that." She made that note and looked at the others, who ordered a double burger in Christopher's case and Harley got an appetizer platter to nibble her way through.

Xander looked at her. "You need to eat more than apps."

"I'm good. I had a huge lunch. I nearly cleaned out the buffet at the caf because I managed to skip breakfast." Xander sighed but stared at her. "I can get more later when you order more wings."

"Good point." He handed back the menu with a smile. "Thanks."

"Welcome. Same check?" Xander nodded so she went to put that order in.

Xander saw it when some demon walked in and a few people got aggressive. He sipped his beer and waved them over to the table to get them away from the idiots. "Hey. Sit. Please. Before you get hurt." He gave them a pointed look. The demons pulled chairs over. "Getting an order or just out for dinner?"

"Dinner, Knight." The leader of the little group stared at him. "Why are you out of that safe house?"

"It was a day full of stupid. All the paperwork made *no* sense." They smiled at him. Xander got their dinners too. Someone came over to say something so Xander stared at them. "Are you bothering these nice beings?" he asked dryly. "Are you going to make me pull a sword on you?" The guy ran for his life after paying his bill. Xander rolled his eyes, making Harley giggle at that.

Christopher looked at him. "You need to let us pull weapons first," he reminded him patiently then grinned. "I don't want to be left out of the fun, Xander."

"I know. I'm bad at being guarded and I'm sorry I'm so bad at it. I know it makes it harder on you guys."

Harley snorted and flapped a hand. "Not really. You just react like one of us most of the time."

"I do. Maybe that's what everyone thinks I am." He grinned at the demons who were giggling at that. "Seriously, I snuck out the other night, went to the movies, and the only one who noticed was Bloodsport. No one had realized I left for three hours. Though I did have my phone with me. Patrick only checks on me every few hours and not overnight." He shrugged and smiled as his wings were brought. "Thank you, kind lady."

"You're welcome. Are you guys their people? The manager wanted to know in case there'd be a fight."

Xander pushed back his hair and shook his head with a grin. "Not even close. I'm Watchers Council. These guys are nicely always peaceful and great at talking about stuff that actually seems real."

She smiled. "So you're the local girl's trainer?"

"I work with the mini slayers, ma'am."

"Oh." She frowned. "With the president?" Xander grinned and nodded. "But...."

"We're under quiet orders to keep him out of view," Christopher told her quietly. She still looked confused.

"That is the president," Harley told her. The others nodded.

"Oh! Thank you for coming tonight, sir."

"I just needed out of the stupid and Harley said you guys made good food." He grinned. "Though I did run off the guy trying to start shit."

"Thank you for that too." She went to tell the manager, who made sure they had good service for the night. Xander did tip nicely and pay for everyone's dinner. The others threw in for the tip, which meant she got a great one. The president was really nice about stuff when she paused to make sure they didn't need more food. She'd put it up on her journal that night after work. Including how he had protected the pleasant demonic beings.

***

"Oh my fucking god!" Xander complained as he walked up a hallway.

"Only in a certain branch of Catholicism. They believe he married Mary Magdalen," Peacemaker said from his seat.

Xander looked at him oddly. "Not my faith of choice and there's plenty of Hellgods and Hellgoddesses who'd dispute that only them thing. My drunk uncle is alive!" He handed over the letter.

Peacemaker looked at it then at him. "Is he sober suddenly?"

"Supposedly. I thought the guy had died in Sunnydale with my parents when they refused to evacuate." He took the letter back. "I'm wondering who dried him out finally and why." He went to his office, calling in Patrick. "My drunken uncle, he of the 33 DUI's before Sunnydale fell in, and I don't know how many afterwards, is apparently sober enough to realize his nephew is still alive." He let him see that letter.

"Are you thinking he's going to try to blackmail you?"

"Not like he has anything to do that with." Xander looked confused. "What do you think I've done that he could do that?"

"He might not have known about some of your battle things. Like the one where you had to give mercy to one of the slayers before she was eaten."

Xander nodded. "That's true. I have no idea who dried him out or why. I'd expect talking heads to start on the news though."

"I'll be on the lookout for that, Sir." He stared at him. "Parents?"

"Refused to evacuate Sunnydale. I thought he was with them actually. I went to talk to them and they denied it so they could go back to watching wrestling." Peacemaker snorted at that, shaking his head but he was smiling. "Willow and I used to have a zombie pact: I'd take out her zombied parents and she'd take out mine. Though hers have been on the news recently. They finally reappeared after years."

"Those two shrinks you were snorting about?" Peacemaker asked. Xander nodded. "Oh, charming for them."

"They're hypocrites of the highest order. They tried to burn their daughter at the stake and didn't even apologize."

"My dad would've loved to meet her parents. Or yours probably."

Xander stared at him. "I'd beat your dad for being who he was," he said bluntly. The other guy winced. "Not like mine were better, they were just too drunk to do anything else." He looked at his assistant. "Let me know if the talking heads get annoying again. Three of the biggest ten have soul debts and I can have that outed."

Patrick nodded. "That's fine. They probably wouldn't want to call them early?"

"Probably not. Them gaining status and attention gives them better minion status."

"Huh." He nodded, going to pass that along. And about Xander's uncle.

"You knew?"

"Yeah. The racist asshole we had who wanted to be a watcher looked up to him." That got an eyeroll. "Exactly. And I beat him pretty badly for trying to turn the girls to that ideology." He grinned. "If my parents show up, feed them to something. They'd probably appreciate that more than they do me."

"You really do belong on the Squad sometimes, Xander."

"I try," he quipped. "Sometimes." He heard a squeal and grinned at Harley as she led in the minis. "Have you seen Willow's parents being talking heads?" He hugged his minis. "Hey, guys. In for training?" They nodded. "We can do that."

"Which talking head?" Harley asked.

"Rosenburgs," Peacemaker said with a grin for her.

"That explains a lot about Willow and her pushing for control." She smiled. "That so figures. Oh, hold on, you're one of the boys that their books talked about ruining her daughter's future?"

"Yes I was," he quipped. Then he grinned. Harley moaned at that. "I sued them over that actually." She giggled, taking the girls to get some milk and then go stretch in the gym with Rick for now. He was taking out some frustration on a heavy bag instead of a congress member. Xander and Peacemaker followed, going to help the girls with their self defense lessons for the week. He'd show them the grip strength squeezy ball practice too so that got improved before they needed to hold a weapon.

The girls watched Rick beat the heavy bag then two walked over to hug his thighs, staring up at him. "Were there naughty people or dumb ones?" the one on the left asked.

"Because you should yell at the stupid ones instead of holding it inside. They never like us either," the one on the right said with a smile.

"Someone in congress was really dumb," he told them. They gave him a cuddle and then went to put their glasses down in the pile once they were empty. Sidra turned one back rightside up so it didn't drip on the floor and used her shirt to clean up the tiny mess. Harley got it for her and she beamed but went back to lining up.

"Thank you for not making more work for the cleaner, Sidra. We can get you paper towels if you want." Rick looked at them then at the other adults. "Let's see, what're we doing today, ladies?"

Sidra bounced and beamed, waving her hands in the air. "Pouncy bad guy time?"

"Blocking," Xander said as he walked in. "Then you guys can chase someone around the yard to pounce. We'll take volunteers." The Secret Service guards all seemed to vanish because they had seen the girls doing that about once a month. He grinned at Rick. "Let's work on how you block the stupid ones that try to hit you, girls."

They let him show them by bringing each one out to work with her. Then the group got to practice on each other. Xander looked around and all the remaining people all shook their heads, including Rick. "Isn't that other Harris on the shitlist?"

"Yup," Rick said happily. He got him summoned. When he came in all the girls stared at him. He backed away slowly. "You're their target, Harris. Go for it." He ran off. The girls looked so determined as they followed him outside to the garden area. The others went to watch how they did this time. They were older and fiercer. And a bit faster usually too.

A few of the guards tried to interrupt their hunting practice but the girls sidelined them and continued on their target. One had gotten handcuffs from Harley and used them very well, making her giggle. Rick nudged her with a nod. "Yours, Harley?"

"Hey, Huntress," Xander called with a wave. "Want chased by the minis?"

"Not really. I'm not that fast." She came in to grab one and point. "He keeps dodging to the right. Try blocking him off." She nodded, going to tell the others so they could do that. She grinned at Xander, who gave her a hug, then at Harley, who gave her another hug. The girls finally won. "Wow. They tied him up nicely."

Xander looked then checked his watch. "Good job, ladies. Thirty minutes! Faster than last time's by five!" They cheered. "Take your glasses back to the kitchen and ask *politely* for a snack? Then we'll go over school stuff." They groaned but did that. He grinned at the guard. "Thanks!"

"Welcome, Sir," he moaned as he got let free by Bloodsport, who was shaking his head but smiling. "They're fierce, sir. Very good future slayers."

"Yeah they are." He nodded, walking off to follow the girls to the office to go over homework things.

Harley looked at her gal pal. "What's wrong?"

"People are saying you're back in Gotham."

"No, I've been stuck in DC or Louisiana. Haven't been home in a bit. How's my Brucie?"

"He's great. A bit older now." Harley sighed but nodded. "I can bring him here if you want."

"I wouldn't mind. Not like I can pet the Rick or anyone else."

"You can flirt with Xander anytime you want," Rick said dryly, heading inside. The others followed him to go back to sparring now that they didn't have the kids helping. Harley stayed to talk to her buddy about things so she could stop someone using her rep. Or stomp them maybe. If Rick let her go back to Gotham for a few days.

***

Harley strolled past where Batman was threatening some thug who was too minor for her to care who he was. "Don't worry, I'm going to talk to the wannabe me, Bats," she chirped. She had her mallet over her shoulder and was in Harley having fun clothes instead of respectable clothes that Flag demanded while they were in DC. She found the not-her there and smiled. "Hey, chicka." The woman was in a copy of her old Harlequin costume.

The woman looked at her, eyes going wide. "Yeah, it's me. So let's *talk*, dear." She took a swing of her mallet. The not-her ran for her life. Harley chased with a giggle. "Oh, come on. I can take a good few blows from it. If you're gonna be me, you're going to have to learn how to take a few blows, princess."

The thug that girl had been talking to just nodded and walked away. He didn't want to get in the middle of that. He almost ran into Batman since he was in a shadow watching them. Nope, that guy was smart enough to not want to get in the middle either. He warned a few others that the actual Harley was back to talk to her copycat. Just in case they got in the way.

Batman noped out of that fight. He was not going to break that up. Or his helpers. He sent them all a warning so they got away from it. Either those two would end up drinking buddies by the morning or Harley would have fixed the problem of having a not-her running around.

***

Xander walked past the guards and his assistant's desk with a nod, petting the hyena walking beside him. Patrick stared oddly then just sighed. "I'm pet sitting for Harley." He grinned. "I got possessed by one way back when too. We're friends." He took him into the office to sit and pet him while reading stupid things to him.

The cook brought up the rare meat he had ordered, then blinked a few times before slowly backing out. "He won't hurt you. He's housetrained. Just put it down please." She did and went to tell the others. Bruce the hyena got up to get his snack, liking that a lot.

Word got back to the head of the Division of Natural Resources thanks to guards calling them to complain. Their director showed up. "Sir, is that an endangered animal?" he asked calmly. Bruce was staring at him. "I'm not mean, boy." He knew who it had to belong to and that it had been raised around women so he wasn't going to seem more than tired to see it.

"That's Harley's pet Bruce. I'm pet sitting. And I was possessed by one back in high school. He's housetrained." He patted the couch and the hyena hopped up beside him to get petted. He grinned at his person. "Harley's Brucie is such a good boy. She trained him to chase after mild livestock for hunting practice, and sometimes after DuBois when he picked on her."

"It's a bit freaky, sir. Does she have a license to keep a pet hyena?"

"She's usually in Gotham. Not sure about their regs."

He nodded at that. "That figures. I can check into that. I know if he's going to be here or Louisiana she'll probably need some paperwork."

"Or a dispensation," Xander said with a smile, going back to petting. "He's the best friend's pet I've seen recently. Not that many of the slayers have pets."

"I'm sure that would be fine. You're going to be responsible if he eats someone?"

"Sure." He nodded. "It'd probably be a date that snuck in."

"I've heard, sir." He let the hyena sniff his hand then gently petted an ear. "You're very used to people. It's obvious your human mother is very attentive to you."

"He's been shacking up with a few of her friends in Gotham while she's in Louisiana."

"I've seen others in jail who had to let friends raise their dogs." He gave Bruce one last pet then went to make notes on that.

Peacemaker leaned in then nodded at that. "Yeah, not going near Bruce. You have a delegation of rich guys."

"They can come in. I'm calmly petting the baby while reading him stupid things that the press has said about me."

"Okay." He went to tell Patrick that. Who did lead the rich guys in there to complain about taxes and things.

One of them stared at the hyena then at the president. "New pet, sir?"

"Harley's pet. I'm Bruce sitting for her today. She's off telling some people they're wrong about her being back in Gotham already." He looked at Bruce then at them. "So what's up, people? All I got told was you wanted to talk about my plans to actually use your tax money?"

"Twenty-five percent is a bit high," Lex Luthor said with a smile for him. "Isn't it?"

"When my mother was born, before Regan screwed up so hard, it was seventy-eight percent on anything over a few hundred million." He stared at him. "Which means we had money to build bridges, roads, all that stuff. Which all need replaced now. Can you honestly tell me that you'd realize you paid another two or three million in taxes a year?"

"Well..."

"Most of your money's in the bank. It's an abstract number to you that you look at sometimes. Guys who grew up like me, we know down to the penny how much we have. You probably realize to a rounded up thousand or so. Right?"

"Million actually in my case," Luthor said, sitting down across from him after unbuttoning his suit coat. "I get that point."

"Was I wrong about how tax brackets work?"

"No. They are on a graduated scale." Xander nodded, looking like he understood that. "It could bring up a lot of pressure against other politicians that support you both."

"There's no politicians that support us. I saved a whole bunch a few years ago with Rick's team and they still don't appreciate us." The billionaires moaned at that because that meant they couldn't pressure others to help their plots. "So yeah, that's an empty threat."

"Congress may not like that because it would affect their pay as well," Luthor tried.

Xander nodded. "Congress shouldn't be making more than minimum wage at any point in time. They're public servants and should be making public servant wages. Most of them are well enough off that their income here is toss away. Or just put in the bank. They get a lot of other perks that make their salary actually higher than mine."

Xander grinned. "For that matter, I take enough so I can buy my own weapons again but not the full income I'm entitled to. Second, don't we have a deficit?" They nodded. "And the US getting more income would lower that, which would mean less debt we're carrying, and makes us look better to do business with because we don't look as dumb?"

"Some of that would help, yes," Bruce Wayne said with a nod. He sat down. The others pulled over chairs to sit down. "It would do a lot of good but Congress probably wouldn't put it toward those uses."

"Congress is going to be really upset with me when I do write that legislation to put them back at civil servant wages as they are." They all winced. "Do they do enough work to actually earn over two-hundred-thou a year?"

"Well..... They are congress," Bruce Wayne admitted.

"And if it's at civil servant wages maybe we'd get people who actually wanted to be in congress for that duty instead of rich guys who run for the perks and later status. Or later higher offices."

"That's...." The rich guys all looked at each other then at him.

Luthor cleared his throat. "There's still status attached to being a member of congress but that would get people who wanted to and couldn't run. How would they get over financing the election campaign?"

"My idea is a group pot. All donations for everyone, and I do mean both parties, are put into a huge pot. Whoever's running can draw out an equal amount of money. No direct donations. No more dark money. No more of those PAC's that put out ads that lie." He smiled. "Everything has to go into the pot.

"You get allotted so much and can spend it however is legal now, but if you drop out you put whatever's left is back. After the primaries and the giving back then, then the ones who're going up for the last election stage can draw from what's left, an equal amount. Not sure yet if I want it with one pot for the whole US or one per state though. Do you guys want a single state or a US wide one?"

Luthor looked at the others then at him. "That would ruin politics as it stands."

"Which means we'll get people who want to do the job, not have the status."

"They'll balk. Those private donations can be used for living expenses," the head of a tech company said.

"Like public utilities, they earn an income and a profit. They should be using that to support their own works and lives. It's not your job to pay for their kid's college funds. It's their job from their incomes."

The billionaires and business owners looked at each other. "Tell us more," Luthor said. "Let us find any reasonable arguments we'd see as being on a different lifestyle spectrum."

Xander got up and got something, bringing it back. He sat down to pet the hyena some more. Bruce was staring at Bruce Wayne for some reason. Xander grinned at the hyena. "I know your mommy named you after him, Brucie. She thought he was hot.

"She said she almost named you after me but she hadn't met me yet and it might've warped you greatly." The hyena put his head back down so Xander went back to petting him. "There's a whole lot of people who could be doing more with their lives if they had the opportunities."

"There are," Luthor agreed. He stared at him. "That's fairly socialist."

"People who're in jobs they like are healthier, take less leave time, work harder for the company if they like working there, and have a better life expectancy."

"I..." He grimaced. "I can't refute that but most higher level businesses wouldn't want to do that."

"Then they can lose staff to companies who do." He shrugged. "That gives better opportunities for education, job training for those who need it, support for those who need it." He grinned. "I know the various ways that people who get assistance could be helped. My parents were chronic alcoholics who were functioning with a few beers in them and looked sober.

"I've seen plenty of people on the system who could have done more with some opportunities. I've seen ones who scammed the system." That got a nod. "A lot of people would do things if they had the opportunity. Or training if they had someone to watch their kids. Would it bother you guys to have workers that did better for the company by being happier? It may cost a tiny bit more but you'd be making a lot of it back."

"It would have to come out of pocket then get paid back later," Wayne said. "Though I'm not against any of those. Gotham could certainly use some of that. I may steal some of those ideas." Xander grinned at that.

"It would come out of present profits to be paid later," the tech giant owner said.

Xander nodded. "Your company made what last year in profits?"

"About nine billion."

"Would you making about two hundred thousand less be that important? Would you even notice that?"

He blinked a few times. "It'd mean a lesser profit in the bank for bad years."

"Which you haven't had yet and the minor bad year you had, you came to Congress to fix for you," Xander said, staring at him. "Even though you had billions in the bank."

"A lot of that is stock options," Luthor said. "Not hard cash."

Xander nodded. "Which can be managed and if it's all in stock options is that really a healthy business practice?"

"No," he admitted. "It's like virtual money where the value fluctuates." He considered it, rereading the list. "I actually sponsor a training program myself."

Wayne nodded. "Wayne Industries does and a scholarship and a few other things for employees and their families. We'd meet up to at least half of those metrics and demands. I'm not sure if a company should care that their employees aren't on solid financial footing though. It's a bit too nosy and overlooking their shoulders to me."

"If your worker's are homeless, are they able to work safely and be healthy?" Xander asked him.

He considered that. "That's true. We do actually donate to a homeless program that gives the people shelter and training plus substance abuse help."

"I'm pretty sure your middle manager sorts would realize if one of their employees had a sudden, catastrophic problem. Or got married and ended up in an abusive relationship. Or something that would impact their job at the very least."

"They would," he decided. "I'd hope." He looked at the others, who all grimaced but nodded. "We, being CEO's, are a bit more removed from our company." Luthor nodded to agree with that. "I do tour my companies often. The employees complain it interrupts work."

"Would you setting up an office for employees to get help from hurt that? Or if other employees noted that so-and-so-in-accounting may be being abused that could help them get to the help they need?"

"No," he admitted. "It wouldn't. Or making sure they worked good hours. I noticed the make US wide standards on hours and breaks idea."

"Yes, because my father used to work on a dock some years. Whenever he got fired from the casket factory for being too drunk too often. They worked those guys like they were robotic and the bosses refused to give proper breaks. Even in hundred plus degree weather they were penalized for needing to drink and get out of the sun, even though the state said they had to give them those breaks.

"A few of the biggest companies have a lot of complaints about how employees are treated and hours without breaks. Some have died on shift from the stress of the job. Is that good for the workers? Or for morale for the rest of the staff? Is it good for the company's image?"

The tech CEO huffed. "They can't prove that by law."

Xander stared at him. "The EEOC has proved that and you paid a fine. The same as companies that pay fines instead of fixing things that lead to repeated problems, it needs to be more punitive so fixing things is easier. That way fewer people die."

"Like with that factory that made formula," Wayne said with a nod. "They needed a lot of cleaning work, some maintenance, and put it off to pay the fines instead because it was cheaper. So some kids died from contaminated formula and they had to shut a major factory down for the violations. Which led to a shortage."

"Exactly that sort of situation or the mines that pay fines instead of fixing things that lead to collapses," Xander agreed with a nod. "Safe, healthy workers do better for the company and look better on the company. Workers dying due to things like 'no one changed the lube in a machine' is a waste of people. It looks bad on you guys and on the US itself."

"Companies will just move overseas," the tech CEO sneered.

Xander snorted, shaking his head. "If they do they get fined. That's already law. I'd strengthen that a lot."

Luthor winced at that. "That is the law but it's not always enforced. Also, there's a difference in smaller companies and bigger corporations."

"True but there should mostly be one standard for all. Is a company that only has five employees mistreating employees? Then they should have to live up to the same standards of taking care of their people. A lot of that won't cost you more."

"No, it really won't," Bruce said. "But they'll complain."

"Whining about that stuff has become a national pastime. You guys have those sort too and you need to lead by example."

Luthor tipped his head then nodded. "That's true, we could. We could also note how much it would benefit us. But what's in it for us?"

Xander smirked. "Us not sending the DOJ down your throat for your little side company that does robotic implants for people who do slave things?"

"I do what?"

Xander sighed and looked up. "Patrick?" He came in. "Get the files out of the safe." He pointed at which one. "The one on Luthor's side enterprise please?" His assistant nodded and got it out, then handed it over to him. "Thanks."

"Welcome, sir. Anything else?"

"No, we're good," Bruce said. He watched Luthor read that.

"That is not me." Xander pointed so he went back to reading. "That's one of my board members. He's been taking...he's been siphoning off Luthor Corp to fund that. Oh hell no." He looked at Xander. "If the DOJ want him, have him." He handed that file back.

Xander waved it off. "Keep it and save us some money. You showing that you're willing to clean house means that others can go 'I can do that too and maybe be less mean'. I'm sure you've got a tank of sharks somewhere, Luthor."

"That's so stereotypical if I did," he shot back but was smirking. This one clearly knew about his alter-ego and part time job as a villain.

Xander grinned. "Then ask your other board member who has a soul debt to see if his master would want that one as a slave. I've used owed poker debts to eliminate threats to the world in the past when I was in Africa. And once when I got back but he was a terrorist wannabe. The poker circuit wanted to eat him anyway. I won him in a poker game." He grinned. "They were happy to help."

"I may do that." He stared at him oddly. "You're very expedient."

"Yes I am. I grew up that way. I have a standard of needs that're set lower than most of you but yeah. If it's expedient and safer, then I'm usually for it. The same as the vision that got us elected was about alien invasion problems." He looked at Wayne, who winced. "You have things that can help. It was seen in a few of them."

"I'll pull them out when they show up and seem non-peaceful," he promised. "I have friends who have contacts with the Justice League too. I'll let them know." Xander grinned and nodded. "Have you warned everyone?"

"That's coming out this year during the State of the Union. That and all this. Congress is going to have a fit but oh well!"

"You can't change some of that by executive order," Luthor said. Xander smirked at him. "All those who owe debts."

"Are being outed again," Xander agreed with a nod. "And I could probably ask a few if they wanted their minions back right now. Are people with soul debts really good for the people? I really could make it law that no one with an owed soul debt of more than thirty percent can sit in public office."

"No," Luthor said with a single nod. "That's slightly evil."

Xander smirked. "I raised myself with Willow's help sometimes. I didn't do a bad job but after sixteen I was surrounded by teenage and younger girls until I got here. Do you really want more kids to grow up to be me? Or Andrew Wells?"

Luthor moaned. "I've seen some of his ideas. I nearly stole a few."

"If you bought them from him he probably wouldn't mind. He'd use it to up his comic collection. The same as I have."

Luthor snickered quietly but nodded. "It figures he likes comics." He stared at him. "You want our support?"

"No, this is fair warning that I'm going to do this. And push for it." He shrugged but went back to petting the hyena next to him. "If you want to help, great. I'd appreciate that. Otherwise I'll just do it without support. I've done that plenty of times with the girls balking at sensible ideas. That pay thing, it is an executive order. I'm signing it then." They all moaned. "It's not right that we get people who want the status and not the job."

"Point," Wayne said. "Which will make you seem like an asshole."

"It will. Colonel Flag's team has already been ordered to take me out by a few senators." He beamed. "He told them to bite him because he didn't want this office and he'd do worse."

Patrick leaned in. "Sir, your ex is here."

"Which ex, I have a few?" Xander asked.

"Holly, sir. Again."

"Awww. Give me a few more." He looked at them. Wayne was muttering and shaking his head. "Yes, that one. She helps the girls in Africa a lot." He grinned. "She's really good to my girls sometimes."

"She's a bit dangerous."

Xander nodded. "Only the deadly and dangerous like me. Aren't you glad you don't think I'm cute?"

"Very," he admitted. "The few I know who think you are, I'm going to check on better."

Luthor snorted, then started to laugh. "I can see that. I know a few of those too and I'd hate them to become villains."

Xander smirked at him. "I met a few of those!" He beamed. "Damn but they weren't that fun in bed either. So many have ego and no dick or skills to back it up. And most of them hate when I get pleasure too. Can you tell your assistant that the next time she flirts with me? I do demand to do the squealing she wants me to make her do too."

"Yes, I can do that. I don't want my assistant to be more evil than I am." He leaned over to shake his hand. "I can see how I can implement some of those but I'll probably complain publically about a few. It'll make me look better to those who want my support for their political run."

Xander shook it. "That's about what I expected anyway." They left after shaking his hand. Holly leaned in. "At least you like me squealing too."

"I do like you squealing and I have most of the African slayers in my compound."

"Did you take them hostage?" he asked, frowning at her. "Why?"

"No! A few groups have wanted to kill them. I'm only keeping Kylie hostage."

"Her boyfriend noted that." He waved so she came in to tell him what was going on so he could solve it. And maybe got a bit of squealing time in for both of them. The hyena huffed at that but he could nap for a bit. When the mini slayers came in he sniffed them looking very confused but they cooed and petted him because they thought he was a dog. It was sweet of them to spoil him like his mommy did with just as much cooing. One even held the plate of meat for him to nibble on.

***

Xander did the video call to his uncle. "Hey," he said. "I thought you went with the 'rents in Sunnydale."

His uncle, who looked sober, shook his head. "Nah. The last earthquake spooked me so I ran. And ran into trouble. Then I found a friend in jail who helped me." He pulled her into view. "This is my nephew Xander."

"Hey," Xander said with a grin and a wave. "It's great you could make him better. I know his first wife dying led him to a life of DUI's." He looked at his uncle. She kissed him on the cheek then got out of view. "You kinda freaked me out when you wrote. I thought for sure you were going to go on a semi-reputable news source and talk about me. My assistant thinks the same thing though." He frowned. "Are you?"

"No," he huffed. "Not like they don't already know."

"Hey, I tried to keep it quiet," he said dryly.

"Point." He stared at him. "You got someone special yet?"

"Not really. Got friends again. That's nice. None of them are bitchy girls. Well, I do have the minis to train still and sometimes they are, but my friends aren't. And one's a guy!" He beamed. "That's been rare around me for years now."

"I remember Jesse, Xander. He get bitten?" Xander nodded, losing his happiness. "He out and about?"

"Nah. He got shoved onto my stake. My first one," he said more quietly. "To save Cordelia."

"Damn that sucks." He sighed. "I'm happy."

"I'm super glad you're happy and you're recovering from losing Aunt Mabel." He stared at the picture. "You look like you're healthier than you have been for years too. And hey, no more driving an ambulance while drunk, right?"

"Nah. I've got something manual going on."

"I miss construction. I liked it a lot. That reminds me, I gotta go work on a habitat project soon." He made himself a note with a frown. Then he looked at the camera again. "Sorry. My mind is slipping thanks to the paperwork of doom again."

His uncle snorted. "There's that much?"

"Yeah, and I have to read a lot of stuff," he sighed. "Thankfully Willow got the dyslexia handled so I could read."

"That was good of her." He stared at him. "You wanna come for the holidays?"

"I may just do that but I have no idea what I'm doing yet." He grinned. "You can come up for the holidays if you want."

"She's got family too."

"Family's important," Xander assured him. "They've gotta get used to you. So come up between them for a long weekend?"

"I can do that," Rory decided with a nod. "I'll write you to let you know when, kid."

"Okay. I look forward to it. And things not being so awkward."

Rory laughed. "That can happen." He hung up with a smile.

Xander hung up on his end and leaned back in his chair, nearly falling out of it. He got up and reset the backrest again so it wouldn't tip back as far then sat back down to think about it. His uncle was much better, and nicer. It was nearly miraculous.

***

Xander walked in to do his second State of the Union speech and heard problems already starting. He stared at one senator, who smirked at him. "You, me, we'll talk later about your manners. Yours are worse than mine and I grew up to drunks." He walked up there to the podium. "Good evening," he started.

"I know this is the speech were I tell you how I want to lead the US into things for the next year. First though, I'm going to talk about the visions that got me up here. Because it'll be next year and you, the people, deserve to know about the aliens we've seen showing up." A few senators shouted.

"Sit down and shut up!" he shouted back. "Dumbasses! We've had three already!" They all stomped off. He waved. "Don't worry, I'll be talking directly to their problems later." He went over the visions, staring at few generals, who grimaced but nodded at his orders to be prepared. He smiled at the camera again.

"I hate visions. I intensely hate visions, the pain they cause, the brain damage they can cause seers. I had to have two brain scans in the last year due to mine. I have never been more than off-time in over fifteen years of visions." That made the generals wince again.

"The other six that have had the visions, they've all been right over ninety percent of the time. I started to yell that I'm not from Torchwood, I shouldn't have to deal with aliens, but ...." He shrugged. "It's my job to protect the US and the world with the slayers. This time, the slayers can't fully help. Slayers are meant to go against demons, not aliens who have ideas. We will beat them. All the recent visions have shown that.

"They've varied in losses, in property damage, in military usage, but they are all certain we will win. I'll be making them accessible to those groups who would need to see them to preplan things. I've been nudging towards it all along but now it's time to be open so people like the military can plan and those who wear capes and spandex may have their own helpful ideas we need to hear. Though, in a few, the villains actually did a lot of helpful things against them."

He smiled. "We'll thank them if they do go that way." He looked around. "Now that we've gotten the big thing out of the way, and worried you all, it's time for my routine attempt to piss you off. Which I am." He held up his notes. Then switched pages to one. "I'm going to go out of order. Mostly because of the rude people." He grinned at the one he had glared at.

"Some of you have pointed out that you're civil servants. I agree, you are civil servants. We are all civil servants. So from now on, you'll be treated like civil servants. All of congress, on both sides, in both houses, in all positions, including mine and Colonel Flag's jobs. You wanted to be treated like civil servants so you will be. From now on you'll be on the federal pay scale. You will be entitled to all civil government worker perks and options."

One stood up to shout. Xander stared at him. "Yes, including you. You said you were a civil servant so therefore you will be treated as a civil servant. With all the rights, responsibilities, and ethical rules of civil servants in this government." He smiled. "As you wished, so shall it be. Or as wish demons say, wish granted!"

He signed something and handed it to the speaker of the house behind him. "Here you go, Madam Speaker. The Executive Order stating that members of Congress and their staff are recognized as civil servants of the United States government and which agency they belong to so they can be set on their schedules of pay and raises instead of a special category." He turned back around.

"I've already alerted the people over the union for government workers to come talk to you about if you want to join them or not and the assistants were told earlier about all the new rules you'll have to follow. Including ethics rules. They were mostly amused. Apparently some people aren't good bosses like I was when I ran my construction crew or the slayers."

He cleared his throat. "Also, I'm going to try to implement a change to election finance laws. I'm hoping those who wanted to be civil servants but not act like them will be able to pass on their jobs when they get to retire to people who want to be part of congress, to make congress work for the people of this country, and to aid the country moving forward."

He coughed again. "Whoever has that laughing gas, it won't work on me. I'm rather immune." He smiled. "And it won't stop me putting out four bills." He laid each one out then handed them all back. "To change election campaign donations. Each state will have a pool for all those who want to be elected.

"All donations, in both parties, in all races, will go into that pot and only into that pot." He smiled. "Each of you can draw out an equal amount. There will be no more PACs that try to push their own lies and agenda. It will make it easier for those who want to join politics to throw their hat in the ring. It will mean that there's no more mega donations that will tilt people and corporations.

"Every person running in every race will get an *equal* amount to draw from the pot. If and when you lose or drop out, all the remaining money you have will go back to the pot for those we're going on to draw from. Each state already has an election committee and it is their decision about how much is drawn and when." He smiled.

"That way someone's not spending major money to start running ads a year before they run and also we're not hiring for congress and other positions based on the depth of your wallet. We want to hire people for political offices who want to do the actual job. I know you're all probably more wealthy than you let on."

He smirked a tiny bit. "And that's fine if your family is. I have nothing against you being wealthy as long as you're paying your fair share of taxes. But I want congress to be the group that is actually by the people, for the people, and of the people that it says it should be in the constitution."

He sipped some water. "The other three bills. One is to fix the tax bracket problem we're having. We in the US haven't been repairing bridges, roads, those necessary things. People have died because we have not been repairing things. Just last week a bridge collapsed and fifty people died because you guys decided with Regan to take the tax rate down and it left no money for necessary repairs.

"So yes, I'm putting in a bill to up the top tier tax bracket. Because let's face it, if you earn a billion dollars a year, you're not going to miss a few extra thousand of it. You probably won't even be able to tell by the state of your bank account and your interest for the year will probably make up for it.

"Will that piss people off? Yes. Does the highway bridge collapsing making sure things can't get delivered to places piss people off? Yes. I'm more worried about the average person than I am any corporation or any billionaire. I'm incredibly worried that we're supposedly the best country in this world and yet we're behind on health care, our people die of easily treated things because it's too expensive.

"Our kids are going hungry. We have more houses sitting there rotting than we do homeless people to fill them. Our people are our job, our employers, and our responsibility to support. I've protected the world a number of times but not to sit back and stare at people dying for stupid reasons like the hospital would've charged them over a thousand dollars to get a prescription for an antibiotic."

A few winced at that. "We have the means to fix a lot of social ills. We have the materials at hand to do that. We have groups to do that for us. Why are we not doing that? Are we that greedy that we think our fellow man is unworthy of the basics of life? Because if we are, we're not a great country. Apparently that got ended in the eighties, people, and I hate it.

"I'm from the last generation that got an actual education, though mine sucked. We were the last generation that had some hope that things might get better. Since then, you guys have eroded that and eaten it away to the point where most of the current new adults are depressed and willing the country to die with them in it because nothing matters and no one has hope.
"Is this the US you want? Because it's not the US I want or the one I'll stand or the one I'll keep protecting. If this keeps going the way it has been, no one's going to protect the world. There's no point to protecting the trash dump that we've become." He walked off.

The reporters were going nuts. The rebuttal was huffy that they weren't simple civil servants. The news people refuted that. Even FOX news refuted that by that senator's own speeches in the past about being a civil servant and serving his people.

Though a lot of people were upset that the president thought they were so bad the US should be given mercy instead of continuing down that path.

***

Rick Flag got back from his last assignment with the Squad tired and limping so of course he nearly got pounced as he walked in. He stared at the guard. "I saw the State of the Union speech," he said bluntly. "I agreed with most of it. Including that executive order he signed." He walked around the guy. "I need to go shower off Turkish dirt and blood."

"Sir. The president's really going evil," the guard called after him.

"Yup, you drove him to it. He warned you. You still pushed. It made him look at problems to see how to fix it."

"Shit," that guard muttered, calling that in to the group he was in. It was a group of agents who hated a lot of what the president and vice president stood for. Which meant the virus in his phone went off and zapped him. He screamed as he fell.

Rick came down nearly naked and damp, staring at the body. He checked then called it in. "It's Flag. My guard at the house just died with a scream and his phone in his hand." He looked at the number, writing it down. He went to finish his shower then come back to look that up while they removed the body.

He found that group and decided it was his job to fix that. He checked on Xander's team, finding three had died, and Harley was there petting her hyena. He went back to looking at that group. If she couldn't handle it, Xander could.

***

At the pentagon, there was a lot of joking about the generals who had supported the president's ability to protect them, but not him, dying from that same virus. They had already figured out what had happened, and who had probably done it. They'd warn Andrew Wells in the morning. After they could stop laughing at those being the bad guys.

***

In Metropolis, Lex Luthor saw the news and burst out laughing at that evil idea. It was so *simple*. So easily accomplished! So artistic at the same time. Yes, he wanted that plan. And the virus itself of course. He had some people he wanted to test it on.

In Gotham, Batman saw that on a bulletin board broadcasting live news and groaned, shaking his head. That so figured. Some evil genius rose up again it seemed. He'd have to make sure they weren't in his city so he didn't have a new enemy to fight.

***

Rick Flag showed up at the slayer house the next day, staring at the guy who answered the door. "I'm not an agent," he said. "And they're not coming, Mr. Wells. Let's go talk though."

"They were harmful to the US. Were going to offer the slayers to someone." He shrugged. "And I always planned on being a villain."

"Clearly you did a great job." He walked him off to talk to him about his evil plans. Andrew told him about his former cohorts and Flag winced at that. So he was following his original plans. He just had to wait on technology to meet up to his ideas. Wells did have handling bad things immunity for working with the slayers. That had actually protected the president and the slayers. So they'd have to probably leave him alone. But it would make someone reevaluate how far those permissions went.

The Luthor Corp people waited until Flag left to have their own talk with Wells about his ideas and how much they could buy them for. Though he wasn't interested in selling them.

***

Xander walked out to the Rose Garden to meet the visitor he had. He squinted up at him. "You could land so I'm not staring at the sun," he noted dryly. "I don't need to see auras all day."

"Hangover?" Superman asked smugly.

"Yes."

"Is that something you should be doing as the president?"

"Last night was the anniversary of when I lost my best friend that I had known since before I could walk and started to hunt vampires because of it. I'm sure you have an anniversary of loss too." The alien winced but nodded as he landed. "Beyond that, judgmental much? You're not a deity I employ in my daily life. If you want to proclaim yourself to be godly, I can introduce you to some that I actually appreciate."

"I'm not a god."

"Then quit acting like you're holy and always right."

"Sorry." He stepped back. "The plans against the aliens. Are they against my type of alien?"

"No. They're in semi-round ships. They'll tell us they saw our sci-fi and came in a form that we could understand." Superman blinked a few times. "They're shape shifting, matter shifting sorts." He went inside and came out with a card. "Here's the website with the visions all compiled by date given. It'll be updated if any others come out that are considered credible. At least ninety percent right by the seer is considered credible. There's a listing of the ones from less credible sources under a link."

"Okay. What if we defeat them before they get here? I can blow some up in space."

"That won't work. The ships are part of their mass and they're not explodable. They're not able to be affected by lasers. A few of the visions showed that you and others tried and it didn't work. Including Andrew's ones that work on magical energy instead of usual laser energy. The one that won the easiest and fastest, Luthor and his crew created some sort of flu thingy to take them out. And they took it home because it killed them within a day of getting exposed."

"That's fairly evil but useful in that case."

Xander nodded. "Ethics has very little to do on a field of battle. It's off the field of battle and the edges of the battle that need the ethics fairies to visit so civilians aren't involved. That's why I've always fought to keep civilians safe. Especially women who're used by every army as a toy to prove their prowess."

"Which is foul."

"Yes but humanity hasn't gotten past that yet. We've proven it recently. That was one of the bills I introduced, to make sure that the UCMJ covers those war crimes and they're counted as crimes against humanity." He shifted his stance. "Go over the visions. Get with me in a few months with ideas on how you and your cohorts can help. Or get with Flag. I'm putting him in charge of that response so people like him more. That lets me fix things and him look more innocent of fixing things."

"That's very political of you." He frowned. "I thought you grew up without that."

"I did, but it's still a sound tactic. You learn how to handle things like that when you have to deal with government agencies all the time. I've had to deal with many politicians and generals over the years." He walked off. "Have a good trip back. See us in a few months when you have ideas."

"Um, yeah, I can do that." He flew off, going to talk to the others. He did put out that website as a front page story through his mundane job and his phone. That way others could see it and figure out how bad it was. He handed it to Batman to pull up. "There's a link for those visions that weren't from as credible sources," he said. "The rest had at least ninety percent correct ratings." He sat down. "He wasn't in a good mood. He had a hangover. Apparently it was the anniversary of him starting to hunt."

Batman nodded. "He was sixteen when he jumped in. Two-thirds of his life have passed in a war no one wants to handle with the slayers. He has the right to mourn and drink to remember all that he's lost."

Superman grimaced but nodded. "I understand why. You probably have one too."

"Yes I do."

Superman nodded. "He told me if I was feeling like a deity I could go talk to a few he had met in the past."

Batman smirked a bit. "They're probably very interesting beings. People should hear about their ways to see if it's one they like. I know one was a healing goddess who got him through dengue by something he noted in the past." He pulled up all the visions in open tabs. "That's interesting."

"He said they were matter shifting and shape shifting. The UFO's they use is because they saw it from our sci-fi stuff. It's actually part of their matter. They're not able to be exploded or lasered according to him, and he said that Luthor had made a virus in one of the visions."

"That's good to know," Batman agreed. They went over each one, each of them making notes about how they could handle things or what they'd need. They came to the one with the villains and Batman tipped his head, then nodded. "That's actually not a bad idea. Can it be done quickly is the real question." He tapped his pen a few times. "That can take years or more to create."

"Do we have someone we can ask?" Superman asked the Flash, who had been a CSI sort of scientist.

"Yes. There's a few viruses that can be warped probably. Not my field."

"I need to see if Gotham has any working on that. Mr. Freeze may know too." He made that note for himself too.

"I have the feeling I'm not going to be of much use," Superman said.

"Perhaps," Batman said. "Not sure yet."

"He said he's having Colonel Flag handle the incoming ideas for it. That way he's left alone to fix things while Flag looks more innocent."

"Which means he's setting Flag up to take over for him when he gets to escape after pissing congress off," the Flash said happily. "They've been shouting for days about him signing an executive order that congress are in fact civil servants and must adhere to all pertinent civil service regulations and pay schedules."

"I did like that election funding idea," Wonder Woman said. "It would level things for everyone so more normal people could join."

"It could," Batman agreed. "Overall I like many of his ideas. His idea that the basics should be guaranteed so people can make their own choices and paths is a good one. It'll mean less suffering overall." Superman nodded he liked those. They went over a few more then the listed less credible sources. A few were weird. "Super Evil Legion of Doom clubhouse," he read. "That had to come from a slayer." He checked. "Yes, a young slayer." They smiled at that.

***

Bruce Wayne got let in to talk to the president again. He had very little doubt that Harris knew about his alter ego. He had been caught reading a comic book from another realm about Batman and Robin by an infotainment reporter. "Something was noted that you said to Superman," he said quietly, staring at him. "How do we know they can't be exploded or lasered?"

"I've been expecting this question. Because we've had a single version of that thing show up about ten years ago," he said, staring up at him. He smiled. "We tried everything but magic since magic made it flash back at us. We put it in a capturing vessel that is sitting in Goddess Hanal's temple in Mozambique. It's her backup temple. We couldn't kill it."

"That's good to know. Are they coming for that one?"

"No. That was their advanced guard. To see how bad we were and how hard we'd be to conquer." He found something and pulled up that battle on the tv in there through his computer then waved a hand.

Wayne turned to watch it, frowning. "Is that coming out?"

"Yes. It'll be on the webpage in a few days. It is noted that there's a possible version of this being but the film had to be found. It'd be up this week once Patrick has time to do that."

"That's interesting." He nodded once. "Okay." He turned off the video. "Can we get that?"

"Go ask her."

"I can do that."

"Just don't release him."

"Not my intention, Mr. Harris." He stared at him. "They do hate you so hard."

Xander grinned. "Good. It's fixing issues and making humanity more secure for a future. Before we start sliding downhill again."

"I hadn't thought about that." He hummed. "I'll bring this to others. Wayne Industries does have a research lab."

He nodded. "I know. Andrew keeps track of that. You'll need to ask Holly to talk to Cera, she's got all the African slayers in her compound to protect them. Cera was the one who delivered that urn so she knows where the temple is."

"I can do that. Does she have a map?"

"That I don't know. Probably. She's also got a diary. She's kept one every week since she was eight."

"That's good to know. Thank you." He left, going to tell the others. They could go find that slayer, not bother the one protecting her, and get her map to that temple.

***

Wonder Woman walked up to that compound, nodding at the guards. "I wish to speak to the head of the compound," she said. She was in uniform. It was clear who she was. "We come in peace and mean the slayers no harm."

"That's good," the guard said, calling that in. "She'll be out in a minute. She needs to put on clothes."

"That's fine." She waited patiently. The woman warlord came out, making her nod at her. "We wished to talk to Slayer Cera about the temple she left that being's capturing urn at. Harris has said that you're guarding her?"

"I am," she agreed. "She's sobbing today because the girl she was flirting with turned her down. What urn?"

"There was a creature like the one we have coming up soon. That alien."

"Interesting." She went to get Cera, walked her and her journal out.

Cera sniffled at her. "She's mean to us."

"I will tell the watcher that so he can check," Wonder Woman said.

Cera shivered. "No, she's not that mean. She's just mean and said I can't flirt."

"That woman doesn't want you. Being a lesbian down here isn't often liked," Holly said dryly. She rolled her eyes. Cera scowled at her. "We need to know about that alien."

"Watcher Harris said that you could not kill it with him but it was captured and put in Goddess Hanal's temple to hold safe?" Wonder Woman asked.

"Oh, that thing. Eww." She got into her journal. "Here, that's the GPS according to my phone." She let her see it and take pictures. "She's really nice and lets us flirt."

"I will not harm that one. She is apparently good for people and not causing harm. We just need that being to test against it." She handed the journal back. "Thank you, Slayer Cera."

"Welcome. Let me know if I can help? We're really bored in here."

"Then go back to training," Holly said dryly. Cera huffed off rolling her eyes. She smiled at the other woman. "I'm treating them like Xander would but one of the other slayers is older and my girlfriend. Cera was found to be flirting with one of the cooks, who is pretty but straight.

"I'd never let anyone hurt the girls and shot two of my people because they wanted to date them and weren't worthy." She walked off. "That being's temple is in the middle of really sharp rocks as far as I remember. Like can't walk on them because they'll tear up titanium."

"I'll keep that in mind. Thank you." She went back to her jet and flew to those coordinates, scanning around. She found the temple, landing in a safe area nearby. No, she could not walk on those rocks. She called in Superman to join her. He could float over them. His floating abilities were canceled out somehow.

Batman had special boot covers to go over them that were metal. They got scratched and cut but it got them to the temple. She bowed at the goddess sitting there looking amused. "Ma'am, we have heard you have an urn in keeping that holds one of the ones that will be invading. We wished to get it from you so we can figure out how to fight it."

Goddess Hanal, who was very tall, fairly blue with brown mottled spots on her skin, and looked fantastic in her jewelry laced outfit, nodded. "I've seen those visions. Xander had the first one before that one showed up and it meant he went to look at it." She pointed at the urns on her fireplace. "It's the green capturing urn. As long as he is not released?"

"We do not wish to and the urn will be going into a system that will hold it even if it's slightly released," Batman said.

"I know of you, mortal." She smiled. "One of my sisters has a geek much like Andrew and he reads comics about you." Batman smiled at that. "Are you doing the work yourself?"

"It's not my field of study. We'll be working with a few different scientists."

She nodded. "As long as it does not get fully released. We don't need more threats from that."

"We're finding a way to destroy it," Superman told her.

She nodded. "That's good." She stared at him. "Hmm. Rao. Interesting." Superman stared at her oddly. She smiled. "I remember when your people lived, Kal-El." She smirked a bit. "I was young then."

"I got crystals with memories from them," he said quietly.

"It must be soothing." He nodded. She looked at the woman staring at the urns. "The green one."

She looked back. "I was studying the design on the paint to see if it was the containment runes in case my hands covering it harmed it." She pointed. "This one?" Hanal nodded. "Thank you." She lifted it down carefully and put it in a box they had carried in for it. "We thank you for keeping it safe and helping us defeat that enemy." She bowed and left with the box. The others did the same.

"Thank you," Superman said quietly. She smiled and waved. He followed the others back to the jet, thinking about that. Did other demonic higher powers remember his people as well? Might they know something about them?

***

Xander met with some of the congressional hissy fit throwers. "What?" he asked. "You didn't say why you needed to come over to talk." He stared at them.

"Congress was never meant to be simple civil servants." He put down papers.

Xander got up to get something and came back with his. "From their own writings. Maybe you guys should do that reading thing? I mean, I have a slight learning disability and I still learned how to read what the Founding Fathers wrote themselves." He slid them down. "Frankly, you jumped yourself up back in the early eighteen hundreds to give yourselves more power than you should've had.

"All those who serve in the government are civil servants. No matter where they serve, they're civil servants. My job, the Colonel's job, your jobs, your assistants' jobs. All of it. Those are the basis of the protection against the lawsuit you guys tried to file." He grinned. "If Franklin himself worried about Congress becoming minor monarchies, then there's a point."

They glanced through them. "This is not in the constitution."

"According to the constitution only three of you are eligible to hold office because you're white men who own property. The rest of you are either five-eighth's of a person or considered property. Is that what you're basing your ideology on? Times have changed but the roles you play in the government haven't."

He stared at one, who shrank away from him. "Frankly I'm trying to keep humanity afloat for a few more decades. It's on a quick slide down, and I do mean the old metal ones that used to be in parks when I grew up, not the slower plastic ones that get put in today."

"God will be coming back soon anyway," one sneered.

"You have fun with that since you don't follow a single thing in your book of faith. Also, what makes you sure he was real? I know ancient deities who've been around since before that time. Did they note it?" She gasped, staring at him. "Yes, the world is a wider place than you think. Frankly, if that's your religion of choice, you're allowed to have it but not push it on others.

"The same as I don't push mine on you. As mine are tangible beings I talk to, who have physical bodies, who were there for a lot of that and have history scrolls going back that far...." He stared at her. "Your book of faith was put together by a committee in the eight-hundreds. You should look at that topic and see why some of your books are in there instead of others.

"Also, before you bring up some self-righteous telepreacher or the vatican, yeah they know about that too." He shrugged. "History, it's not pretty or nice or clean or healthy but it's something everyone should learn so they don't repeat it." He stared at her, arms on the table, hands clasped together. "You might also look at the laws that are giving churches tax free status as many of them violate that and I'm going to enforce it.

"Especially after a church of people just like you tried to burn down a peaceful community nursery full of children for daring to be different." She stomped off. He waved at her back. Then he looked at the others. "Does the Dalai Lama have this sort of issue with his people?" They shook their heads. "Then there are rules and laws and they apply to everyone equally.

"All men are created equal," he noted patiently. "Including members of congress." He smiled a bit. "I follow the rules. I get nagged about dating arms dealers but I do follow the rules. They don't give me anything but a discount for the slayer weapons I have to gather for their use." They grimaced at that.

"Because some agencies still haven't followed the executive order. I'm about to jump down their throats for that. Do we need to have a meeting where you go over the guidelines that all civil servants must live by? I know there was one and many of you chose not to go but read the regs on your own."

"No," one said. "We still don't like that approach."

"Well, that or the country dies like Rome. Which interestingly enough survived some psychos but not Christianity. I'm seeing scary parallels right now. You guys have ethical guidelines and I expect them to be followed."

"You won't get reelected," one sneered.

Xander shrugged. "Don't want it anyway. You guys have pulled me from my duty to protect the world with the slayers so one little girl wasn't doing it on her own. Keep Colonel Flag if you want, but I don't care. I'll skip off that day with my minis helping me by carrying my few bags of stuff." He smiled. "We'll have ice cream on the way to the airport to eat on the plane home." They slumped at that.

"I don't care. I'm going to do what I need to do so all of you keep going. Because if the world ends tomorrow and I didn't do it by screwing up a battle or being so pissed off and angry that I end it on my own then I've failed and I don't like to fail. I had enough of that in third grade. You guys keep acting like you're above the laws and you're not. The lawmakers have to be impeccable or the law's a sham.

"The officers aren't above the law and will be held to the laws of this land. You guys will be held to the laws of this land and the ethical guidelines for those in government service. Hell I've even had this talk with the CIA and I know how badly they need to break rules sometimes but in others it's not allowed and they know it too." He smiled a bit.

Rick Flag cleared his throat from the other doorway. "Thank you for complying with the order to prove that you're not the rot in the system. Or the worm in the apple." They nodded and left to go talk. Xander smiled at their backs, waving a bit. "If they elect me after you I'm going to beat you to death, bring you back, torture you some more, and then bury your ass in an unmarked grave in a field," Rick said.

Xander looked back at him. "The PTB would like that and if I'm not buried with the slayers someone will try to make pilgrimage to it. Do we really want that?"

"No. You're an inspiration for many but not that way. It'd probably be like Harley's ex."

Xander nodded. "Could be." He grinned. "Do you like those four bills?"

"Yes. And enforcing some that have been lax." He came in to read those pages from their own writings. "Oh, that's what he meant."

Xander nodded with a grin. "Yup. They noted the end of Rome too."

"They did." He looked at him. "If they assassinate you I'll keep on this path."

"Please do." He got up. "Had a vision about that battle, more of a how to." He showed it to him and sat back down. "I'm thinking I'll be the distraction instead."

Flag looked it over and nodded. "Yeah, that won't work. Very tactically unsound. Those Powers That Be over the slayers apparently have no training in strategy."

"No, they're chess players."

"Aaaah." He grimaced but nodded. "I'll work on that. I'm getting a lot of information on how to handle it, including the generals and the villains in one case." He looked at him. Xander grinned. "I saw that one. Has he?"

"I don't know. You might want to ask someone up that way."

"I may do that. Thanks, kid." He took that back to his own office to go over it. Xander went back to doing paperwork he hated. He came back a few minutes later. "At my last speech I nearly got shocked but there were three Harley impersonators in the crowd."

Xander grinned. "Is she happy about that?"

"Freaking out. They apparently look up to her for the wrong reasons."

"Then have her give an interview? Someplace that those girls will look up to her?"

"That's not a bad idea." He went to do that.

***

Rick Flag smiled as he was met at the airport in Metropolis by a very tired looking Lex Luthor. "Thank you for letting me come see how your new job training program is going. It's something Xander and I both think is really necessary, Mr. Luthor." He shook his hand, passing over that card at the same time. "How is the six months trial going so far?" They walked off together.

"It's been good. A bit odd and we've had to change some parameters. Some of the things we thought needed to be trained had to be a later, smaller topic instead of an earlier major topic. But it has been very useful." They got put into the limo together and he stared at the card. "I've seen them."

"Have you looked at the ones from the not as credible sources? Including a few mini slayer versions? Xander wasn't sure."

"I haven't. I haven't really had time. I've been ill."

"I hope you get better."

"Me too." He settled in to look at those while they traveled, frowning. "Super Evil Legion of Doom clubhouse?"

"Something about a comic book came up, a Legion of Doom? She apparently likes to read it."

"I need to look into that. People like myself often can't work with others like us." He looked up that topic to see who was in that comic book version. He blinked a few times. "Oh, I see why it was brought to our group that the mini slayer saw." He smiled at Flag. "That could be quite helpful."

He nodded. "Wayne's got some working on it, including a few from that group. We'll need people who can quietly virus that thing when it gets here in six months."

"I can see that." He saw the new ones and frowned. "That's not a good idea." Flag handed over the battle plans with a grin. "That's nicer. More steady and able to be done subtly." He nodded. "That's not a bad idea."

"I'm going to pass it on to the good guys as well. Can you play your part?"

"I believe I can or I have someone who can." He stared at him. "Xander is very optimistic."

"No, he's realistic but he's been low enough he's seen all the problems from the underside. And he studied up on Roman things."

He nodded at that with a sigh at the end. "He's seeing us in the declining years of Rome."

"He does." He grinned. "He's also certain that some people need to live up to the standards they say they do. That way more guys like him are protected."

"It would be a good idea if they weren't hypocrites."

"That's his thing too."

"Huh." He nodded, tucking his tablet away and that card into his pocket with the battle orders. "I'll pass that on to some of the local do gooders later."

"You sure? I can."

"It'll look more subtle if I do it. I can stand on my building and talk to him again."

"That's fine. However works best for you. What about the peaceful community locally?"

"The do gooders are not overly supportive but they'll stop attacks on them. I heard about that nursery."

"So did Xander. He was livid. It made me see if someone really harmed the mass of slayers and he lived through that I really have to keep him away from nuclear codes."

Luthor smiled. "It's good for a boy to have friends and family to protect."

"It is but sometimes Xander really should be on my Squad as more than an associate." He smirked a bit at that awed look.

Luthor took a second to consider that idea. "Oh, dear. I didn't think about that."

"Xander's not cleaner than I am. He had to do a lot of things with battles that aren't *good* but they worked and saved people."

"I had not thought about any of that. I don't have a good profile on him."

"The CIA's dossier is crap," Flag said. "I had to get Harley to pull up her old college paper profiling him and then add to it with battle videos." He grinned. "That man is clearly meant to be on the Squad."

Luthor nodded. "We considered him rather simple and under educated thanks to his upbringing. More of a barbarian warrior sort."

"In many ways. One that pushes education on the girls so he had to learn alongside some of them. It's the first time he got algebra apparently."

Luthor sighed. "So he learned it later in life."

Flag grinned and nodded. "Viking warrior? Yeah. His ex Anya used to call him a viking in the sack too. Since she had been Norse before being demoned she'd know."

"If I were into loud, messy, dirty sexual events I'd gladly try to flirt with that man. But I'm not." He smirked a bit. "I'll note that to my assistant who moons over him."

"Please. We all want Xander to be happy someday."

"What about those two charming ones who guard him often?"

"If he'd take in Harley like we've all hinted to both of them I'd throw the wedding reception."

"Not the other one?"

"I don't think he's gay. Or would go gay. Not really certain though." They shared a look. "You sure you want to talk to him?"

"I've done so a few times. I can hang out in my hot tub and drink something while yelling for him to show up to get that note." The car parked and they got out together, Luthor first. Someone tried to shoot him but it was deflected by one of Flag's guards shooting the bullet out of the air. "That's impressive," Luthor told that one. Who grinned back.

"Thanks, Deadshot." Flag punched him on the arm. "C'mon. I wanted you here on purpose."

"I saw my little girl," he said quietly.

"She's doing excellently," Luthor assured him with a smile. "She's looking to train so she can run such programs later."

"That's good for people and I appreciate that," Deadshot agreed. He followed them in, being the dutiful bodyguard sort. Playing nicely and getting along meant he got better rewards. Flag shoved him into a room at one point and he stared at his daughter. "Baby girl."

"Dad." She stared at him. "Your turn bodyguarding?"

"The Squad takes turns with both of them." He walked over then hugged her. He pulled back to look at her. "I heard you're doing good. I'm proud."

She smiled. "I want to do things like that for others."

"That makes me even more proud. If your mother complains you tell her to see me."

"Dad," she sighed.

"I won't shoot her. Just yell back today." He stared at her. Then he wrote down a few things. "Accounts that the government didn't get but was slipped to your mother now and then when you two needed stuff. Use them to run those programs, baby girl. You help others."

"I..." She nodded. "Thanks, Dad."

"You do me proud." He stared at her. "And if you hook up with Dubois's kid to do those things, we'd both be happy with that."

"I do know her. We met to compare weird father stories."

He smiled. "Good." He walked out with her, taking her back to the group. Flag noticed but left it there. Deadshot noticed someone being creepy on the rafters of the warehouse they were in and sighed. He looked at his daughter, nodding for her to move away from him. She did, going to hide a bit more. He watched the guy, then nodded when he took aim and shot the guy. Dead in the forehead, making him fall down already killed before he hit the floor.

Flag looked then at him. "Make sure he didn't leave a bomb."

"You've got guards doing that I'm sure."

"If not, I surely do," Luthor said. "Some warning please?"

"I guess." The Harley girls in the audience all stared at him. He smirked a bit. "One of you's got the colors backward." He went to hunt down the other problems while Flag finished up and got evacuated. He'd join them at the plane.

***

Lex Luthor was indeed in his hot tub, relaxing with a nice glass of whiskey sour when Superman flew up and stared at him. "I didn't have to yell?"

"I heard you saying you'd yell for me earlier, Luthor. What's going on now?"

"That paper under the ice bucket is Flag's battle plan." He waved a hand. "I hadn't had the opportunity to look at the visions by those less accurate. I know who I'd ask to help with that plot; he's on his way to Wayne Enterprises to volunteer on that project. I've already paid his salary." He sipped and moaned, then put down the glass. "Want some?"

"Won't do me any good," he admitted. He took the paper to look at, frowning at it. "Oh, that's why." He looked up. Luthor nodded. "Are you going to go along with that?"

"I am."

"Who was that shooter earlier?"

"An agent who was mad that Harris and Flag have ethics they enforce." He smirked. "There's a whole agent group. Some of them survived that virus hitting their phones." He took another drink and put the glass down. "Harris is very certain that we're in the end times of the Roman empire."

Superman grimaced. "I can see that point. He's working to make the world safer for now. Oh, that's what he's doing. He's making a backstop."

"Yes he is. With all the other chaos going around, he's making sure there's stability to go forward." He smirked a bit. "My profile on that boy is totally wrong. Or at least mostly wrong. Apparently the only one that profiled him correctly was Dr. Quinzel."

"I need to get her copy. Is he going to come after the Justice League?"

"Why would he bother? Though he will note that none of you ever seem to show up at apocalypse battles outside the portal ones and only in Gotham apparently." He stared at him then smirked a bit. "The girls could use the backup there as well."

"They could and I can behead a vampire," he admitted. "I don't want to kill."

"If it's an invasion, would that really matter?"

He nodded once. "I'll tell the others." He flew off with that copy of the battle plan. It wasn't a complicated plan. It was almost brilliant in the simplicity as long as they got that virus done in time. He flew to Gotham, searching for Batman. He found him and landed beside him, handing over that plan. "From Flag."

He read it over, nodding. "That's not a bad plan. Fairly adaptable if we need to twitch or change completely. Good plotting of how and who." He looked at him. "Any other news?"

"Luthor has been sick so he just looked at the mini slayer versions of the vision. He knows who one was talking about thanks to looking up that comic book by what I overheard earlier when they were traveling." He grinned a bit. "He's already paid his salary and he's showing up soon at Wayne Enterprises."

"Excellent news there." He tucked that into his belt. "So that's a possible lesser worry as long as we get it done in time."

"Hopefully." He stared at him. "Dr. Quinzel is the only one that has a good profile of our president?"

"Mine's not half bad but it's thin," he admitted. "He's a complex man."

"I didn't think he was."

"You didn't look," Batman said with a smirk. "You expected him to be like Luthor or Lane. Driven to a point and that's their whole focus. He's not and he's got multiple focuses and multiple things that could twist him slightly. Including the girls going off on him again. He's been known to sulk for days or hide from the slayers when they get into nagging him about being a normal guy."

"I didn't hear about that. If we put that out, will people respect him more?"

"No," Batman said. He shook his head. "They won't see where he's working toward because they don't want to see what he's pointing out." He shrugged a bit, shifting his position. "They think he's some inner city kid and that's it. He's not."

"Flag said he really did deserve a spot on his squad full of minor villains."

Batman nodded. "I can see that. It was probably only the hunting that kept him from that fate anyway."

"Hmm." He nodded. "All right. Figure out our response and positions."

"I'll do that this week and tell Flag which area we're taking."

"Thank you." He flew off thinking about Harris. How complex was that guy? He didn't seem like a deep thinker but he had to be at least a little bit of one apparently. Had he misjudged a possible ally or minor enemy?

***

Xander was in front of the alien, staring up at it. "I remember your lesser member. You're just as ugly," he noted patiently. The alien glared at him. He stared back. The others had herded his other sections back to the main one over the last few days. So this was the last of the alien menace that had gotten him inconvenienced.

"You aren't getting anything from us. You should just float home since we all know that the ships are part of your actual form, not just something you created to make yourselves look like our media. We've debunked that and told everyone so no one's in awe of you."

The bottom of the 'ship' portion was trying to wiggle around some, like it was trying to change form but the rest wouldn't let it. The groups getting through all the problems around the bottom of that creature, which was about ten miles wide at the bottom, was battling the tentacles of foam it was sending out to stop anyone getting too close. Once they got to the main mass they could pour the virus on it and then run as it started to act.

"You do not know of us, human," it sneered.

"And yet, I helped capture the forward guard you sent." He shifted his stance, his hand on his crossbow. "You should go home. Before we decide to end you."

"You are puny, fleshy things. I am not. I can easily take over your form." It changed. Xander shot it a few times. She shrieked and changed back. "How dare you! You are unworthy!"

"Yay us." He smirked a bit. "You'd be shocked." He saw something come into view and stared. "Huh, that's interesting. You're wearing markings." He changed the bolt for one loaded with something else.

Someone behind him took the crossbow to use instead. "Let me. I'm the better shot, Xander."

He looked back. "If you want. That silver thing," he hissed. "I think it's a brain."

He nodded. "Okay." He waited, watching it fade in and out. He took aim and let the special bolt go to hit that thing when it reappeared. The being screamed. "Huh. Debraining didn't kill it."

"Which sucks. Things shouldn't be able to live without a brain, though much of Congress proves it can happen," Xander said. He got a text message that the others had delivered their payloads so handed his version loaded in a bolt back. "Want that?"

"Yeah, I want that." He took it to fire on that same silver thing and it screamed as it fled the planet. He handed back the crossbow. "You play annoyance and distraction very well."

Xander grinned. "Yes I do." They walked off together. "The other payloads were delivered," he announced to the staring press. "It can't come back." They heaved a sigh of relief. They faded back to DC to hold a small party for that being done with without the alien eating an entire city.

***

Xander was announcing his newest idea and project, which was a good one and everyone liked it even though they hated him.

"Sir?" a reporter asked at the end. "Are you dating one of the two guards we see you with all the time?"

He frowned. "Why would you ask that?"

"You are very friendly, you've taken them on dates."

"They've been there when I had dinner. They're guarding me for Flag." He frowned, looking confused. "Huh?"

She smiled. "It looks like they both could be dating you. Are you seeing one of them?" another asked happily. "We'd all like to see our single president have a good relationship."

"You guys have been in the funny drugs," he said. "Wow." He went back to his speech but was babbling and a bit off topic. His assistant coughed to bring him out of it. "Sorry, threw me for a second." He got back to the speech. Then he got driven to Flag's house to stare at those two. "Are we dating and I'm just that stupid?" he asked Christopher.

He looked confused. "What?"

"The reporters wanted to know if I'm dating you or Harley. They think we've went on dates?"

"We've been at dinners you had out in a hidden area, and you nicely made sure we ate." He looked confused back. "I don't think so. I've known you for a few years and I've never waited that long to take someone to bed."

Xander nodded. "Me either. Are we doing something that's putting off 'we're secretly dating' vibes?"

"Maybe. You and me?"

"You, me, and Harley."

He blinked a few times. "Wellllllll....." He sighed then shrugged. "I have no idea." He grinned. "I'm pretty sure I'm straight, unless there's no other options. You definitely need someone who'll make you scream like you make others scream." Harley bounced in. "The reporters asked if we're all together as a trio?"

She frowned. "What?"

"They think we've been on actual dates," Xander told her. "I know it's been over a decade since I got my woo on but I don't think we've had dates, have we?"

She frowned. "I mean, the dinners were us guarding you and you nicely making sure we ate too." She considered it. "Then again I haven't been on a regular, normal person date since college."

"Yeah, my last one was a double date with Oz and Willow to go steal artillery to use on the unkillable demon in a mall," Xander admitted. "Probably my best date ever but that was high school."

She stared at him then shook her head with a sigh. "You really are Squad, Xander. All you need is a villain name and costume."

"Well, some of the groups in Africa probably think I still am because I made them handle the problems in their areas. They told me I was evil. So did the slayers that I kept from going out with idiots and morons with STD's or ideas." He was frowning now. "I have no idea. My brain locked up at that question. I don't even know if I gave the rest of the speech." He slumped, staring at her. "You're a girl, don't you know that from some girl code class in junior high where they taught you about periods and guys being morons?"

"Guys weren't even covered in those. Just periods and stuff like childbirth. Which is icky."

Xander nodded. "I'm infertile thanks to the mermaid stuff anyway. And the stuff I caught in that tomb isn't passable sexually."

Peacemaker stared at him. "You're babbling." He grinned slightly. "You're really flustered, aren't you?"

"Yeah! I don't think I've gotten my woo on. I haven't asked the girls about how to do that for modern things. The last time I dated it was the late nineties. I feel like a really old guy suddenly." He stared at them.

She looked at her teammate, who shrugged. "I'm pretty sure I'm mostly straight unless there's no options," he said.

"I'm known to be bi, and so is Xander."

"Xander's more for stress relief," he admitted. "My last significant other was Anya and she didn't want to *date*. She just wanted a sugar daddy who was good in bed since she wanted seven orgasms a night."

Peacemaker stared at him. "How did you do that? I can't manage more than one."

"No, she taught him to get her off first and then get his," Harley said with a nod. "She called it orgasms. He was working full time, going on patrol, then home to her."

"Wow. I do not have that sort of stamina," he told them. "I'm good but I'm not superhuman there."

"Me either," Harley said. "My limit's maybe three in the past. And cuddling. Cuddling is mandatory for me."

Christopher nodded. "Yeah it can be if you're serious and not paying for it."

Xander shrugged. "Sometimes that's your only option. It's either fuck out the stress or die from it. I'm seriously the weird one among us. Huh. Proves Buffy was wrong since she thought I was normal. Often. Loudly at times."

Harley shut him up by kissing him to try that idea out and to stop the babbling going on. He moaned and gripped her hips and she whined into it, but it was good. It felt good. It felt almost pure in a way. She hadn't felt like that since before she had taken up with her former boyfriend. She pulled back, opening the eyes she hadn't realized she had closed. "Wow." He grinned at that. "Go kiss him."

"I... Sure if he wants. I'm all about consent."

Christopher pulled him over to kiss him just as hard. "We're screwed," he moaned at the end. "That felt nice."

"Yeah, it did. With both of you," Xander admitted, looking at her. She came over to hug them both. "I...."

"We'll figure it out in a few days," Harley admitted. He looked down at her. "There's got to be a few talks if it's not just something fast, Xander. Things like our no-go list."

"Biting," Peacemaker said with a shudder.

"I feel that way about being tied down, it brings up bad memories," Xander admitted quietly. "Damn vampires."

She looked up at him again. "Do you mind doing it to others?"

"I'm not excellent at it but no."

She grinned. "Because I don't mind either of those."

The guys stared at her and she smirked. "That's good to know," Peacemaker agreed. He let them rest against him. "So how do we do this?"

"I don't know, Chris," Xander said. "How do we do this without the whole white house giving us odd looks?"

"I personally don't care about them," Harley said.

Chris nodded. "Me either. If they think I'm hot, I'm okay with that. They know we're dangerous enough to be one of your usual arm dealers and assassin dates." Xander snorted, shaking his head. They tried that kissing thing again and it was good.

Flag knocked then walked in. "Oh, good. I was hoping you guys were talking. Don't keep me up, people. Eww, I sounded like my father," he muttered as he walked off closing the door behind them. They were adults, they could work that out. Even if they did keep him up that night. Flag looked up from reading in bed, grimacing. "Great, she can squeal for things beyond her pet being cute." He sighed, putting on some music to cover up their noise.

Both other shooters who were on rotation right now were hiding in their own rooms to avoid the noise but snickering about who was doing it. They finally got to the point where they made Xander get noisy. They wouldn't ask why it took so long. No one was going to ask that question.

***

Faith was watching the news, her casted foot up on the coffee table, when the news people went to pure entertainment. "It appears we've prompted the president to actually consider the question we asked," she said happily, turning to her cohost. Her cohost smiled back in that brainless way they had.

"When one of us at the last press conference asked him if he was dating those two who usually guard him, he got very confused and flustered. Lost his train of thought totally." She beamed at the camera again. "Then we're told he went to talk to them. We knew there was something there. He actually lets those two handle his personal weapons."

The cohost blinked at her. "So he's dating a male and a female? Villains if I'm not mistaken?"

"Apparently. We asked because they have went on hidden dinners and things together. It was supposedly the president getting a few quiet minutes and making sure his guard team ate but maybe not. It definitely made him think. One of the Colonel's guards said they got quite loud that night." Faith was looking very confused at that news, but did text Giles to let him know Xander was apparently dating.

"Isn't he bothered by them being under sentences?"

"Colonel Flag has probably already gotten them pardons for putting up with the duty in DC roster," the main one said happily. "There's news of one. Besides, President Harris has been known to date some darker people. Warlords, arms dealers, a few assassins." Her cohost moaned at that, eyes wide. "We were told he doesn't really flirt but those who're not exactly nice are drawn to him. So apparently those two being up his alley, in a few ways, is right along with that."

"Hmm. He does let them help him with battles and weapons things. Plus the mini slayers do get to chase around those ones and the other guards at times."

"That's training," the main one said with a smile. "Teaching the future slayers how to chase and hunt."

"Ah," the cohost said with a smile. "Like that video where he was letting them chase him to the ice cream store?"

"Exactly." They shared a smirk because that was cute of him. "One of the minis did defend Miss Quinzel the other day from some protestor sort. She stopped him from complaining about Task Force X being up there and told him off that she was great to the mini slayers."

"Awwwww." The cohost smiled. "So we may see a white house wedding? Of some kind as a trio isn't really legal."

"No idea and no one's seen him to ask him about that. As the slayers said, he apparently got his woo on." She smiled at the camera again.

Faith changed the channel but they were covering Xander being out earlier with different guards than usual. None of the task force had been with him. You couldn't be dating your guard team so that explained part of it. Faith just sighed and found something less mind rotting than Xander dating someone for real.

The other news station was still on real news. "With the President putting Congress on the civil servant regulations, does that backhandedly support term limits?" the host asked the camera. "There's a mandatory retirement clause in most civil servant positions as far as I know. I've asked and most agencies do have one somewhere, even if they're not always upheld." He looked at his panel. "Could that be?"

They all nodded. "They would be following the code of conduct and regulations for all white house and congressional employees," one said. "Which has a mandatory retirement after 65 or twenty-five years."

The others nodded. "So yes, it is a term limit."

"How many are in violation of that?" the host asked casually.

"Eighty percent of congress," the third one said. The other two winced. "Most of them have been there for years, and in many cases were there for decades doing lesser jobs. It's time total in the group, not by job position. Some senators have been doing this for decades without prior service in the lower levels. There's a lot of senators who are in violation of the codes of conduct of Congressional Employees."

The host nodded. "Is that going to be good for the US?"

"It does leave us open to elect some people who are not all that good," the first one said.

The second nodded. "Some more extremist viewpoints on both sides could be brought in to fill the empty seats. Really, the ones currently in them need to pick who they want to succeed them and tell the rest of us. I know a few are up for election right now and they may not realize that they're in violation."

"Can we tell them?" the host asked.

"If we do, someone's going to get mad," the first guest said happily. "It could depend on when they're being enforced. If they're enforced today then there's a whole lot that are running that can't be elected. If it's not until after the election, they'll have to have run-offs which will tax the states."

"Did the president do this to get term limits?"

"No. The president has been noted as reading the Founding Father's works. Diaries, those things," the second said. "In one he was thinking about and noted to the congressional members who went to talk to him about that idea, they talked about the end of the Roman empire."

"He's seeing us on the slide down to that and is trying to stop it," the third said like he just realized that. "Oh, dear."

"Well, it did drag on," the host said. "For centuries."

"Called the Dark Ages," the first agreed. The others winced. "Harris has noted that he's worried that the world won't continue. Not only because of the slayers' duties but because we're all heading toward chaos. Doing this would mean we get a stable, well laid out, and regulated congress. Did the executive order note the Supreme Court is what I'm wondering."

The host's eyes went wide and he pulled up his copy. "Yes it does. This executive order clarifies that all three branches of government are in fact civil servants and shall be sworn to uphold the rules and regulations of the agency they work for. They are beholden to uphold all criteria for hiring new members and are required to use their pay scales instead of any special category." He looked up. "It goes on to mention which branch each one is under, including his, and the courts, yes." He let them see it.

"Then there's some seats open there," the third one said happily. "Because only two are under retirement age or time in from federal judicial service." All of them looked at his picture. "Being a federal judge is being in civil service as well. Or so I'd assume."

"It is," the host realized. "Oh, dear. The next president is going to have a lot of nominating to do."

"Are we seeing Colonel Flag running?" the first asked. "I haven't heard."

"I don't think either one is actually running," the host said. "Neither one's noted it and when taunted that no one would reelect the president for doing this, he said 'good'." They groaned. "Is that the will of the people? I do not know. I know there's three running for president right now against them."

The second one shook his head. "None of them will look on this with favor. Though it does give whatever political party takes over some advantages to nominate for the courts and agency heads."

"They fall under that too but the last ones weren't in service before then for the most part. Outside the Pentagon as far as I know," the host said, frowning some. "What's their retirement policy?"

"Die with your boots on," the first said. "As far as I know as long as you're fit for battle. Many retire after twenty years but it's not unheard of to go thirty years."

The host nodded. "So we're going to have to talk to someone about that, won't we? We can do that later this week."

"They need to talk to someone about those rules," the third one said. Then he snickered. "Harris was always said to be the entertainment of a few chaos gods when he was in Africa helping and training the slayers. I think we're seeing some of that."

"But for the right reasons. It'll make us steadier and the positions less about your wallet and more about you being idealistic and wanting the job to do the job," the first said. "Which he noted he wanted and expected. His idea for the election pots?"

"Many actually like that because it does put the lower incomed politicians on a more equal footing. Plus it would mean ads don't go as long before the election. They can still spend their own money as far as I know. I have not read that one yet." He pulled up that bill's copy. "No, no personal money. You can only spend your allotment from the pot. Interesting."

"So an equal footing even if you're on welfare or if you're a millionaire," the third one said with a nod. "It's inspired. What about the three states that are threatening to sue over that?"

"President Harris looked at the governor for Texas and told him if he wanted to secede, like he threatened to do, to give them a year's timeline so they had time to work out a property exchange so those who didn't want to go could sell to those who did, to do the agreements over how they'd rent the military bases from them at what rates, and they'd have to work out how to do a few cities that didn't probably want to join them."

The first guest smiled. "He was sure if Texas wanted to become their own religious country, a lot of people would like to go live there by their rules. The ones who don't we'd have ample opportunity to help them move. Afterwards they'd have immigration rules for easy access he said."

"Is that why that governor came out of talking to him at the white house looking horrified?" the host asked.

"Yes," the first one agreed smugly. "President Harris waxed poetic about how that'd work for his people that wanted to have a evangelical law book and the rest of them could deal without that. Which is true, many would actually like that. Then they could make that the great country they want this one to be."

The host shot his image a dirty look. "What about the properties?"

"Harris said a property exchange so you wouldn't get the plummeting housing prices that we'd expect in such a situation. So if someone in North Dakota or Montana wanted to join them, they could switch ranches with someone down there somehow. Or buy property that was on that specialty exchange. It'd be outside the real estate process."

The host sighed. "That's complicated."

"So is letting them out of the Union," the second host said. "It's not a bad way of handling that. It'd minimize the problems. Doing it like Brexit was supposed to happen means that they'd get a lot of agreements out of the way. Especially the military because those bases are US government property right now and the state would have to lease them back if they kept them open."

The host sighed. "We'd lose that bottom border."

"Texas has complained that they're doing it all on their own anyway," the second one said. "Economically I don't think the state of Texas could become a self supporting country. I have no idea what would happen if they figure out it wasn't working."

"Those sort might make it work just to spite us," the first one said.

The third nodded. "They could very well do that, yes. Back to the first topic for a minute? Do state governments fall under that order? They're not federal civil servants but they should probably be considered that way of the state government."

The host thought about it then went back to that order's words. "I do not see anything about the states. No, here in the last paragraph it states it is up to the states about their own civil servants in their own branches of government." He looked up. "So if they wanted to be. Apparently they can decide that themselves."

"Would the senators being picked by their state legislatures be counted as state employees or federal?"

"Federal once they're in the job," the host said. "I asked that to a legal expert earlier and he said that would be pushed up to a federal employee. Like judges are."

That got a nod from them. "So each state can decide if they're going to do that themselves."

The first guest smiled. "People have been yelling for term limits since the late seventies. They got their wishes granted in an odd way."

The host smirked at him. "We have to wait and see on that as it goes through the courts."

"Who cannot decide on their own cases when it involves their duties," the first said. "So unless congress vetoes it....."

"Which they can't do. Can they?"

"No." The second shook his head. "They do not have the three-quarters majority to do that. Many of them see the point of that. Or if they do bring it to the courts they'll have to call a special court from non-federal level judges to hear it. There's provisions about cases against the government that would impact the Supreme Court. Plus he is going on what the Founding Fathers wrote and wanted apparently. The originalists on the Courts are going to have to see that since it's in their own writings."

The host nodded. "Have they called for that sort of court?"

"Yes. Though many are lawyers in Congress they may not realize that need. A few have," the third agreed. "They called for one to be started just for this case and issue."

The host nodded. "So it's something to pay attention to."

"Definitely," the first guest agreed. "And the state's issues with it." That got another group nod.

"Well, we'll see then," the host said, looking at the camera again. "Now, onto less weird news...."

Faith turned the channel, nodding. "Chaos for the forces of good. Yup. Works for us."

***

"Colonel," a reporter, chasing after him. Bloodsport turned to glare at her. "Have you noted that the special court needed for that executive order has been formed?" she called.

He blinked. "I know nothing about the court system," he admitted. "But I have heard there is one. The Counsel is armed with all of Xander's reasoning and statements from the Founding Fathers' writings. I made sure they knew which came from which because Xander had a sudden thought of them not allowing certain statement because they didn't have it noted which book it came from. So if it's formed, then he's ready."

"Will it stand?" the reporter asked.

Rick Flag nodded. "I hope so. It does need to be done so we have less people who squat in seats for the status instead of wanting to do the real work of congress."

"What about the ones who want to charge the president with treason for acting against the US constitution?"

Flag snorted, shaking his head. "You can't get much more with the needs of the country than the words the Founding Fathers wrote themselves. And frankly, it's not treason if it's solving a whole lot of issues. Like the dark money problem in politics. Or the squatting in a seat that could be held by someone who wants to do something for the country."

"Is the Pentagon's people under the same authority?"

"They have their own rules," he said dryly. "I've already noted to them that I do support this and why. They agreed and most do fit under that retirement regulation."

"What about the Supreme Court?"

"Being a federal level judge is civil service as well," Rick said. "How many are over the twenty-five years of service rules?"

"I think all but two or three."

He nodded. "Then maybe it's time they can't squat there forever too."

"I...." The reporter swallowed but nodded. "Is the president actually dating those two?"

"They've talked about that stuff a few times. Whatever they're doing they're happy with at the moment. That takes a lot of getting to know each other." He walked off. "I'm off for a quiet dinner so I can get away from you guys and stress."

"Thank you, Colonel." She sent that in and went to sit in her car to think about that. It was really an inspired plan to fix a few things.

***

The senators against that order stomped out of the courthouse, ignoring all the reporters. The white house counsel came out looking happier with the president beside him and guards around them. None of the task force though. People were noticing that lack and wondering if Flag had decided not to protect him because they didn't need to solve an invasion again. The reporters ran up to talk to them about what the courts said.

The counsel smiled. "We won, they'll be putting out the official notice later, people." He walked around the reporters. Xander took the other side of them, smiling at a few. He felt something and looked up then moved two reporters by pouncing them out of the way. He still got shot but it was in the thigh instead of the chest. "Oh, shit. The president's been shot!"

Xander looked at his leg then nodded once. "I need to fuck someone up." He got up, holding his injury to keep the bleeding down. "Come out and do it to my face, coward! Right the hell now!" He didn't care what the cameras showed later, this was not allowed to happen.

"Sir!" a guard yelled, going for him. "Don't taunt the psychotic ones!"

"Bullshit! He wants to kill me he can be man or woman enough to face me. Doing it from a distance is a pitiful excuse in this case. So bring it on." He shifted his stance and his hold on his thigh. "C'mon then if you're coming." He spotted him and stared that way. "C'mon. I can see your ass."

The guard looked and called that in. The guy tried to shoot him again but Xander shot him back as he moved him and the guard. "Mother fuckin' newbie," he snorted. "Okay, let's get me stitched up. I need to kick that guy's ass to see why he did that and who paid him."

"That's our job!" the guard said, sounding a bit frantic. The paramedics finally got there and rushed up. "It's in his thigh!"

Xander looked at him. "Why are you panicking? I'm the one that got shot."

"Sir! You got shot! That means I failed!"

"You weren't aware there was someone on the building. That's not your fault or your failure." He went with the paramedics. The other Secret Service agents were going for the shooter he had injured.

The Counsel was calling others to let them know. "He's alive, he's complaining loudly, and soothing the agent's nerves," he reported. He sighed. "Tell the Colonel." He hung up and looked at the reporters. "We'll see what's going on this time. It may have nothing to do with this."

***

Xander woke up grimacing. "They didn't have to knock me out."

"Yes they did," Peacemaker said, staring at him. "I'm really sorry about my dad, Xander."

Xander stared at him. "Was that a quit sullying my son's image?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "I'm going to kill him again. He left a time delayed kill order on whoever I was dating if they weren't worthy with his racist buddies. Who I will be having a talk with."

"Let me? We need to have a talk." He grinned.

"No. Harley's ex pouted online in a video that you said you'd be better to her than he ever was. She's crying about that. You can soothe her while I have that talk with my father's buddies."

"Yeah, I taunted him when he had me hostage." He nodded. "Told him I'd make her happier, safer, and more loved that he did or something."

"He cut in that film too. He's drunk. At least on the video. He realized you're a bit more nuts than he is apparently. He can't compete with you for her affections."

"Is she okay?" He sat up. "I can go cuddle if she wants." He tried to get up but his boyfriend stopped him. "I'm fine. We've both had worse than this."

"Not really."

"Well, I have. This doesn't even match up to the pain of starting to turn into a merman." He sat up again. "I'm fine to go rest on the couch."

"Flag's livid. He went on the news to say if this caused him to take the big desk he was going to end everyone involved by hand."

"I can lend him my axe."

His boyfriend hung his head and sighed, shaking it. "You're being dense on purpose."

"Not really. Still a bit fuzzy headed from the drugs though. Is this a we're breaking up?"

"No. I'm fighting the urge to mug you outside for the cameras though."

"If you want." He grinned. "If either of you want. I'm not hiding you. You're probably the best person I've dated since high school."

"Probably." He pushed him back down. "You get out in the morning."

"I'm fine to go rest on the couch. We all know they hate me here because of the demon blood exposure," he said more quietly.

"Oh, yeah, they freaked out greatly. Two doctors quit their jobs instead of fixing the wound." Xander nodded he had seen that before. "You're still in here until tomorrow because it's easier to guard you in here than it is at the white house."

"I can go camp on your bed."

Peacemaker considered that. "Maybe. We still have to talk about a few things."

"Someone asked me if I called you by your name or your use name in bed," Xander quipped.

"That would be freaky. Thanks for not doing that." He grinned a bit. "You still have to stay. Flag ordered me to make you stay tonight so they could make sure you're not going to infect."

Xander sighed. "I hate hospitals. The last time I was in one I had some fever in Africa. The nuns were nice enough but still mean."

"Not something I've had either." He sat on the foot of the bed, patting Xander's knee. "Relax. I'm on guard. The press has been going nuts that you haven't had one of us on your guard team recently. They asked Flag if he had withdrawn us because your use was done."

"You guys have all had major issues. Everyone's injured. You two and I are dating so he wouldn't let you do it. I know that."

"Reporters, Xander. They're making drama."

Xander sighed but nodded. "Of course they are." He got another pat. A nurse came in. "I really can go nap at home or somewhere safe so you guys aren't put at risk."

"You're fine, President Harris," she said patiently. "You can go home in a few days."

"We were told in the morning," Peacemaker said. She tried to hit him with a needle but he shot her non-fatally. "Huh." He nodded. "I think she was at Waller's center."

Xander got up. "That's a great reason to go nap in a bed." He got helped into shorts and a t-shirt plus sneakers, and handed crutches. "Bit chilly but this'll work." He walked out with his boyfriend protecting him. "The nurse tried to sedate my boyfriend," he told the one at the desk. She winced at that. "So she's unfortunately down." He hopped past there, heading out. The guards outside ran over to surround them. "The nurse, guys. Find out who she was," he said.

"We'll do that in a minute, sir. Which house are you going to?"

"Nice hotel?" Xander suggested, looking at the boyfriend. "Neutral territory?"

"That works. Plenty of security teams to augment yours." He got Xander into his car and walked around to drive. "I've got it, guys. Follow." They nodded, going to do that. "Flag's going to scream at me."

Xander grinned. "I got pushy. Blame me."

"Of course I can. He'll still yell at both of us."

"I'll sleep through it." He yawned, leaning against the door. "Why is there an eagle on the trunk?"

"Eagley. He likes to sit on the perch I put back there instead of inside the car. I leave it up to him."

"Oh, okay. Does it get along with Brucie?"

"Not really." He got them to a nice upscale hotel and let Xander check them in. The security team showed up to help that and made sure Xander had what he'd need. They smuggled the eagle in. "You rest," he said, tucking him in. "I'll tell Harley we're here."

"Okay." He rested for now. He had good guards with his lovers.

Harley showed up before he could call. "Rick's really mad that nurse got that close to him," she said as she breezed in and slammed the door behind herself. Bruce hopped up on the bed to nuzzle Xander and cuddle him. "Awww." She took pictures then looked at him. "You good?"

"She tried to stab me with a needle."

She kissed him gently. "It'll be okay. All the weirdness will stop. Even my ex's weirdness will stop."

He grinned. "I saw the video. You okay?"

"I'm fine." She flapped a hand. "Want to go beat his ass but that'll be a later roadtrip." She climbed in on Xander's free side. "I can make Bruce lay on our heads if you want to cuddle."

"I'm still fighting the urge to fly home and beat my father's group to death."

She giggled. "Bloodsport and Deadshot are playing poker to see which one gets them for you."

"I really should do that myself."

"You can bring them. The head of the SS said that we're supposed to be guarded too."

"Yeah but I hate the prison," he muttered.

"Not that way." He nodded, laying down behind her. Xander was surrounded, she was surrounded, it was good.

He'd take the middle spot later. Even if the hyena did lean over to lick his face for him. "Thanks, Bruce." He petted him gently. Eagley settled on the headboard and watched to make sure no one else broke in to bother his human.

***

The news that night was filled with reporters wondering where the president had gone to rest. Was he at Camp David? Was he at the White House, or at the VP's house with Colonel Flag? Was he holed up somewhere with his lovers? Could he be with the mini slayers?

That one was solved by the house mom, the former senior girl in the area, coming out to nag them about bothering the minis and how they would've fussed at Xander until he hid from them so he wasn't there. The minis hated seeing anyone injured because they expected to be that hurt in the future doing their duty so no one injured was allowed near them. The reporters retreated from there and went to the white house.

The press secretary sighed as she walked into the press room. "The president is fine. His thigh was easily closed. He checked himself out of the hospital after a nurse tried to attack a member of the task force who was on his guarding. He's fine."

"Here?" one called.

"No. They wanted somewhere quiet."

"Camp David?"

"Hotel," she said. "They went to a hotel." That got a nod from everyone. "I can only imagine he's trying not to be babied for daring the assassin to come shoot him to his face." They groaned at that. "In other news," she said, handing over the decision. "That is from the special court."

She smiled. "He was correct to note that are regular civil servants." They took that to go over and film. "The president isn't out of contact. Someone can still get hold of him. The Colonel is livid and beating a few heavy bags to death today."

"Any idea who ordered someone to shoot him?" one of the worst reporters in the room asked.

She nodded. "We have an idea. The Secret Service hasn't said more than they're pretty sure and going for them. They're trying to get there before his son does."

"Harris' father?" that one asked.

"That one died in Sunnydale."

"Oh." He grimaced. "Harley Quinn's father?"

"Foster father? No." The reporter pouted. The press secretary smiled at the others, who were going to ask questions about the decision. "It does leave it up to the states to follow suit or not. It does settle the question of states that send their senators by legislative order. It does settle the matter of the Supreme Court as well if you notice. Government service and civil service are synonymous and on the same employee schedule and rules.

"That did also clarify that the current senators who are running for reelection need to see how much time they have left before they reach mandatory retirement. It will matter in state elections and making states have a run-off in a year isn't really nice to their states. It's up to them about how they handle it, or their state's laws. Have a better night, people, and I'll tell the president you wished him well." She left them to talk.

That bad reporter looked at the others. "Was she hinting that it was the one guy's father? Does anyone even know who he is?"

"Peacemaker?" one of the older reporters said dryly. "Yes, we do know who he is. Could it have been his father? Possibly. Not sure yet." She left to go talk to her people at the station.

***

In their hall, the Justice League watched all that and Batman sighed. "At least he's happy with them," he said when people kept glancing at him. "Harris deserves a great love of his life and if Peacemaker and Harley Quinn do that, I'm fine with that. It'll probably mean they're not busy in my city. Or that Xander will show up there to retire." Superman smiled at that. "He could."

"The slayers," Superman told him. "Would the minis be safe?"

"We can only hope so," Batman complained. He leaned back in his chair. "Thankfully no one's nationalized us like they did in other countries." The others nodded at that. "Are we looking at riots tonight?"

"I hope not. Maybe a few prayer vigils," Superman offered.

The Flash looked at him. "Very few. The rigid faith sort hate Harris for dealing with demons." He looked at the others. "We may have to plan for after the national election." That got a few nods. "Do we think they'll vote them in again like last time?" Batman nodded once at that but slowly.

"Did he really tell Texas to secede?" Superman asked.

"Yes," Batman quipped smugly. "Told him how they'd have to handle the transfer and all that. He based it on the problems Brexit had."

Superman sighed. "That's going to complicate things."

The Flash shook his head. "I'm agreeing, let them go."

"Fine. We each have our own thoughts about the political process. Have we checked to see if there's other prices on the president's head?"

"Nineteen, two started today by a governor and a mayor," Batman said. "I don't know why they haven't been arrested yet but the Secret Service has been squirrely. Any problems around the slayer houses?"

"That one Task Force X girl, Ratcatcher? She's defended the main house a few times today with her army of rats," Wonder Woman said. "I have no idea how she does that."

Batman nodded. "Me either. It's good she's protecting the slayers though. The usual attacking them?"

"Yahoos in pickup trucks," she said. "Mad that girls are protecting them."

Batman nodded. "Great." He looked at the others, who sighed but went to check on the slayers near them. He went back to Gotham and went to rest his headache. Harris really could retire to Gotham with his lovers and the minis. It would cause him so many problems.

The boys would try to be overprotective of the minis. One of the villains would get near the minis and Harris would destroy the whole city if they managed it. He didn't need that level of problems. He had to talk to his proteges about what to do if they did move here.

***

Xander came back to the white house alone, nodding at the guard on the door. Who winced. "It's fine. They're off handling that group of assholes who decided to fulfill his father's last decree that his son had to die." He limped into his office, nodding at Flag. "I'm back."

Rick stared at him. "You're not Xander."

"I am Xander."

"You're not Xander. He's in bed, sleeping off the sex." He tapped the top of a monitor. "We have a camera in the room now." The demon changed back. "Nice try though. Limping on the wrong leg. What brought this attempt on?

"We thought the Knight might've died."

"Nope. Though I'm going to get him for daring the assassin to come down to get him in person." He stared at the demon. "He's fine. They're babying him nicely. Even Harley's hyena and Chris's eagle are babying him. Even when he complains."

"Awww. Fine. Let us know if you need our help." He disappeared.

Flag shook his head quickly but checked the camera before getting back to the paperwork. He beeped Harley's phone when he saw the curtain opening. She swatted it before sitting up and throwing a knife at the guy coming in. He fell backwards out of the window. She huffed and Xander cuddled her for it. Rick shook his head. It was mushy but so very them. He did send them a message about that imposter. Xander sent back that he'd thank them later. It might even forgive a poker debt for it.

***

Xander came back with the lovers, nodding at the same guard on the door.

"Sir, hold on please. You were here earlier and limping on the other leg."

"That was one of my poker buddies," Xander said. "He was going to pretend to be me for a bit in case I died again."

"Again?" they asked, staring at him.

"Yeah, when I had some sort of fever in Africa. They restarted me fairly fast." He shrugged. "Buffy got creeped out by it. She could tell if someone had died thanks to how many times she did and came back. She can tell rebirths too."

"Seriously?" Christopher asked, staring at him.

"Seriously and probably the first of two if I'm honest and willing to talk about it but the PTB had to revive me on that battlefield or lose humanity." He stared at him then grinned. "I'm fine. That one was a stab wound that did get infected." He looked at the guard. "Go get the medics, they can verify within five minutes thanks to the stuff in my blood."

That guard called that in and the medic did the blood test, which did come up with him being himself. "See?" He grinned. "But good work being a guard!" He nodded. "C'mon, guys. The office probably needs a visit before the people box and the bed." Both pets followed him with the two humans behind them.

The guard sighed, looking at the medic. "Which one has the eagle?" the medic asked quietly.

"Probably the guy. The hyena's definitely hers. He's pet sat before." That got a nod and he went back inside. The guard reported how that had worked out and his boss was not amused but the Secret Service didn't really want to deal with shape shifters anyway. That was some guy in a cape's job.

***

The head of the DNR showed up again, staring at the eagle in the oval office and the hyena. "Sir, that's a restricted animal to own for anyone."

"I've had him since he was little," Peacemaker said. "He's housebroken and I've got a tarp under the perch Xander freaked us out by building for Eagley." He smirked when the man looked at him. "We were both kids and kinda grew up together."

"They're not supposed to be in civilian hands. It's illegal and even zoos have a hard time getting permission to house injured eagles, sir."

Xander looked up at him. "Separating them is mean."

"It would be," he sighed with a nod. "I...." He looked at the eagle, who flew over to his human's head to sit on top of it, getting petted while he read something. "Have you let someone in a zoo or a conservation group have sperm from him for biological diversity reasons?" he asked.

"I have not been asked to but I definitely would as long as it wouldn't hurt him."

"I'll talk to the National Zoo about getting some soon. He might have to be sedated for an hour or so?"

"He's been injured in the past and treated."

"That's fine then. That way they can both get health checks?" he said, giving Harley a pointed look.

"He's had his shots." She smiled. "Though he probably needs a new rabies one because it's been at least a year."

"That'll be reasonable. I'll talk to them and let you know." He left to go to the National Zoo's office, sighing as he walked in. "The president's two lovers have illegal pets that they've had for too long to separate them without problems." The head of the zoo stared at him. "Dr. Quinzel has a hyena." The zoo director sighed but nodded. "The other one has an eagle."

"Oh, dear."

"They grew up together he said." That got a nod. "But I did mention you guys being able to take some sperm for later use. He said no one had asked and he wasn't against that. He said his eagle has had to be treated in the past and did okay. Dr. Quinzel said that her hyena has had rabies shots in the past but it's been over a year."

"We can do that and give them good exams. Are they both males?"

"I believe so."

"We can talk to them about getting sperm for later use on both." He smiled. "I'll be there later today?"

"His assistant said he's not busy today."

"Thank you for letting us know."

"Welcome." He left to go talk to his people. It was an odd situation but it'd do more harm than good to remove them from the human's care.

***

Harley and Christopher were waiting and watching while their animal friends were checked over by the zoo's vets and sperm was taken. "What are they doing?" he asked quietly.

"That's a violet wand thingy and it's massaging his prostate to make him spurt like a hero." She stroked his back. "It won't hurt him."

"Good. I don't want him in pain later." They took the sperm to another lab to check over and gave the reversal drugs. They went in to gather them, both animals huffing at their humans. "I know," he soothed. "But they wanted you to give egg stuff into a cup." He petted him, letting the eagle choose his own perch.

"On falcons they have to use a special hat and let them mate with the hat," one of the vets said. "He's in good shape. His x-ray did show the prior injuries but they did heal well." Peacemaker smiled and nodded. "Bruce's health is good but he is getting old, Dr. Quinzel."

"Do I have to change his diet somehow? I usually get him raw meat."

"That's good for him. For both of them." He nodded at that too. "They're both getting a bit old but they should last at least another five years we think. They look like they've had a good, long, healthy life."

"Sometimes Bruce gets to go chase squirrels in the park," she said. "It's fun but I make him quit chasing the hotdog guy. He gives me a discount for it."

He wouldn't comment on that. "That's excellent of you, ma'am. For right now, let them go nap in their favorite beds. They'll want to eat in a few hours." They nodded, taking their pets to the car and then home. The vet went to talk to the staring director. "They've done a good job."

"I can tell. The hyena curled up like a housecat."

"I asked, there was an illegal importer of exotics but she freed the other ones to be taken by the Gotham zoo when they found them wandering around."

He nodded. "That does not surprise me any. If they're injured we can easily take care of them?"

"Yes. They're good, healthy pets. They'll never be releasable." He nodded, going to make notes. She made her own notes and it was good for everyone. Though a lot of people would hate an eagle in captivity.

***

Xander came to the zoo that night, hugging both lovers. "What happened?"

"Where's your crutches?" Harley asked, staring at him.

"Back at the office. I can't move easily with them." He looked at the other one. "Chris, what happened?" he asked gently.

"Some agents. He'll be fine. They'll both be fine. Eagley ripped someone's face off. Literally. It was gross but nice of him to do for me."

Xander cuddled him. "If they're still around I'll be helping end them."

He cuddled back. "No, they're not around. Bloodsport had a fit. Which I appreciated." Harley hugged him and Xander pulled her between them. She was shorter and fit nicely between them to both hug Chris.

Xander looked over at the cleared throat. "How are they?"

"They're fine. Both are fine. The hyena has a broken foot, but we're not going to cast it. We have taped it and he needs to lay around for a few weeks."

Harley looked around their arms, nodding. "Of course he can!"

"Good. Soft foods just in case he's too sore to want to go for elimination walks." She nodded. "The eagle," she sighed. She noticed the tension. "He's fine. He's a bit more bruised. He's lost a few feathers, but he's not got any broken wing bones or any others. He might have a slight concussion; he's got a head tilt to the left and we think it's that instead of real damage. Again, few weeks of quiet resting."

"I can do that," he said, getting free. "Can we go back to the white house now?"

"Yes. They're ready to go. We've given them a good dose of painkiller that slowly wears itself out."

"I know Brucie's had drugs," Harley said. "He ate one of Montoya's loritabs after she had an injury last year. She said he tripped balls."

The vet tech nodded. "Probably a bit too strong for him but we do have some pet safe ones." She handed over a bottle. "They can each have one smashed into soft food if they're in pain." They nodded. Xander put it into his pocket. "Come get them so they can go on couch rest." They came in to get the pets, Xander going with them.

Someone tried to stop them but Xander glared as a sword came off his back, and the agents fled for their lives. "I need to form an army of cannibal imps," he muttered, getting in to drive.

"Can they be an army?" Harley asked. She was in the back to pet both pets. Bruce had a cushion that had a seatbelt hitch built into it. Eagley had a perch that was hitched down to the car seat hooks under the seat to keep him safe.

"Yeah, they come out in clan groups usually. So technically an army."

"Huh. Didn't know that," she said quietly. "Do they eat the whole thing?"

He shot a grin back at her at a stop light. "Don't ask. You'll throw up." He started to move the car but then stopped at the sudden pain in his head. Behind him people honked but then a car tried to hit them from the front. Xander and Christopher both shot at the tires and they tried to drive off but didn't make it. King Shark was there to greet them. Xander grinned and waved. "Thanks, dude!"

"Welcome," he called back. "Colonel said to call him."

"Yup, once we get back." He drove them back to the white house, with a stop at an exotic pet shop. "Go get treats, guys. They deserve good treats."

"They probably have live mice," Christopher said as he got out, going inside. Harley followed to get Bruce treats.

Xander turned to look back at pets. "They're getting you two nummy things." He reached back but Bruce growled. "Okay, you can do that." He quit reaching back to pet him. Harley came out to get his wallet and went back inside but that was what he expected girlfriends to do. The duo came back and Harley got back into the back, weathering the growling. "He's not happy."

"I know that feeling from past injuries." She handed him something to gnaw on and that made him a happier hyena. They got back to the white house and Xander lifted Bruce, getting growled at. "Hey," she warned. "He's taking you to the couch. Behave, Brucie." Xander pulled up some of the hyena taint to stare at him until he quit. "What did that?"

"Hyena possession." He grinned at her, carrying the heavy thing to the living room couch. Bruce laid down with his treats and his mommy cooing and petting him. Eagley got his new perch that Xander had copied from the one downstairs and settled in to eat a few mice his human had gotten him. Xander cooked dinner.

Flag showed up. "You said you'd call."

"I forgot." Xander shrugged. "The agents today?"

"Dead when I find them."

"Get in line," Harley quipped with a sweet smile. "Me first."

Flag stared at her but nodded. "If you get there first."

"Point." She went back to petting the poor baby. The minis ran in as a group and pounced her to hug then Christopher.

"Thanks, ladies. Big problems?" he asked.

"We heard you got a booboo from bad guys being idiots," one said with a grin. "You needed the hug."

"I don't mind hugs, just warn me first please. That way I don't react to sudden grabbing." They nodded and split off to hug all four adults in there. Flag did give good hugs. The girls switched between the adults to get them all, even though Xander did have his helping him chop vegetables.

One of the girls brought over the dishes Xander had made for the pets. "Here you go, Brucie," she cooed, letting him sniff it. "Nummies?" She put it down and kissed him on the head, getting a growl. "Awww, you got owwies too."

"He's not in the mood to cuddle," Harley warned.

"I don't cuddle pets. They never like full hugs." She petted his ears, settling beside him. The hyena stared at her. She grinned. "Cute girls make others feel better and the world a happier place," she quipped. "You eat." She moved the plate closer. The hyena huffed but the girls did this to him sometimes.

"Ewww, a mouse!" one shrieked and jumped up Flag's back to cling to it. "Gross! Xander!"

"Eagley, she thinks your dinner is creepy," Christopher said with a head shake and a smile. "Eagley eats mice, dear."

"Eww! Can't he have burgers?"

"They like live meat. Both pets do but they put up with chopped up raw stuff," Harley said.

That one looked around the big shoulder at her. "Can you catch that one so he can eat it sooner? Mice are gross and they nibble on us. I woke up to one sitting on my chest trying to decide if I was food when I was little."

Harley nodded, getting up to grab the mouse. "I don't like mice either, kids." She let Eagley take it from her fingers. "There you go, boy." She petted over his head while he scarfed the live food. "There's another three when you want them." She sat back down. The girls all relaxed and cuddled some more. They were good at it. "Why else are you guys over tonight? It's later than usual for you to come as a horde."

"Mina had to hit someone with a frying plan," Sidra said with a grin. "So we ran up here just in case."

Xander stared at her, dropping the wooden spoon he had just broken. "Really?" The girls nodded, eyes wide. "Let me go check on Mina. You guys guard what's mine and the pets." They nodded, making Rick sit down so they could cuddle him better. Xander went into the bedroom and came out in his older tactical pants, his battle vest, a t-shirt, and boots. He was clearly armed and his axe was on his back in the holder.

Christopher started to get up but the girls pushed him back down. "You don't want to see it if Xander has to make a mess," one told him. "Like he did during battles and neither do we."

"I could go back him up. He's got that thigh injury."

The girls shook their heads. "Nope," they said together. "He'll get mad. He did in Africa. Faith said so," the group assured him.

Harley stared at them oddly. "How do you guys know?"

"She told us that," the one petting Bruce said.

The two anti-heros and one colonel shared a look. Flag started to get up. "Ladies, that's my job to back him up." He called it in when the girls wouldn't let him move. "It's Flag. Xander went to find out why Slayer Mina had to hit someone with a frying pan. Armed. Heavily armed. Go back up the president. They're not letting me." He hung up.

One of the minis stood up to bounce in front of him. "Can we meet the fishy guy you have on your team? He seems nice."

"He is pretty okay," he agreed. "That's King Shark."

"Oooh. Can we?" she begged. "We'll be nice to him."

"He's real gentle, girls," Harley warned. "Ask Ratcatcher to introduce you. They're buddies."

"Okay!" the group cheered. They liked talking to her when they were at the main Council house and liked to pet her rat friends with her too.

That bouncy one pouted at Rick. "We're always nice to the peaceful community, Colonel."

"I know you are," he said with a nod and a grin. "I don't think he is. I think he's just been mutated somehow."

"Oh." The girls shared a look and nodded. "We really need to push for more environmental help sometimes," that one told the others, who nodded. "It's socially responsible of us." The girls squealed and pounced the adults again to take their minds off the scary bad guy back at the slayer house. After all, adults got bad thoughts too often.

Christopher looked at Flag. "Was that like his uniform?"

"Apparently. He wore it in Africa for battles usually."

He nodded. "I remember the one with the leather pants."

"Those are special," Sidra, the oldest of the girls, said with a grin. "They were a gift from Druscila, who was a vampire but also a seer and thought Xander was like her dark kitty cat."

Harley blinked, looking at them. "What?" They settled in to tell them about the stuff they had heard about her and Spike. It kept the adults out of bad idea land for longer until Xander could get back. If he wasn't arrested for it.

***

Xander got driven back about two that morning and stomped in, nodding at the guards. "The girls can sleep over today and tomorrow while the blood's cleaned up. And if we hear more rumors about morons who want to rip a slayer apart to see how she's put together, let me know," he growled.

"Yes, sir," the guard said, shrinking away from him. "They're having a sleepover in your living room."

"They've done that before for movie night." He went up there, recleaning his axe head. Christopher leaned to look out of the bedroom at him. Xander grinned. "Someone wanted an experimental project," he said, pointing at the girls cuddled around Bruce on the floor. "Sucks to be them."

"Come to bed once the axe is clean, Xander."

"She's mostly cleaned. I just need to use a cleaning wipe to make sure." He stepped around the girls to hit the bathroom for the cleaning kit to finish cleaning his axe. He checked, he hadn't used his guns and they were still clean so they got put into his safe then he stripped down to go to bed. "They're safer again."

"Next time, invite me." He cuddled Xander while Harley got his back. Xander nuzzled his chest a few times then licked his throat. "Not with the kids out there," he moaned, tipping his head back.

"Only if we can be very quiet," Xander agreed with a grin. He snuggled in and let himself drift off again.

"Great, now I've got to sleep while hard," he mumbled. Harley reached around to handle that for him. "Oh, thank you."

"Welcome," she whispered into the back of his neck. "Just be quiet." He finally got off with a groan and went limp, falling asleep with them. She smiled, snuggling in too after a glance out at the girls. Bruce would tell them if something happened. Eagley was in the bedroom napping on his perch that had come from home.

***

The Press Secretary waked in to the daily briefing. "All right. Today's been a doozey," she admitted. "So let's get started."

"Did the president really take out nine agents last night?" one asked, raising her hand.

"They were part of a group that wanted a mini slayer to experiment on. And yes, I'm being delicate about that word so none of them hear it later and freak out." That reporter's hand flopped down. She nodded. "Slayer Mina found one of the guard team on the mini slayers preparing to take blood from them and got him with a frying pan she was about to use.

"Told the girls to run up here to get Xander to protect them. They told him after a few minutes so he went to check on Mina, getting her taken to a hospital. She'll heal but it'll be a while. The mini slayers were safely up here being watched over by Colonel Flag, Dr. Quinzel, and Mr. Smith. The girls this morning said he walked off like it was about to be an apocalypse."

"Only for that group," another reporter said. "Are the girls okay?"

"They pounced the adults in the room to cuddle to keep the adults from being worried," she said with a smile. "They told me adults get bad ideas and need to be distracted from them."

"Is the president all right? More injured than his thigh?"

"He's fine. He's barely limping and quit using his crutches yesterday. He could probably still use them according to the girls but he's just like that as Mini Sidra said. Colonel Flag assured her he was like that too."

"Who's going to take over the house?"

"Slayer Mary-Marjorie. Who is the senior slayer out of Spain. She's got a broken shoulder and the girls seem to like her. Xander called her personally to come watch over the mini slayers. I heard the end of the call. Senior Slayer Faith agreed from her spot retired in Lisbon."

The press people nodded. They only knew the identity of slayers who were above patrol cleared and those who fell in for battles. The others had names but they never learned them or which one they were until they were able to go on patrol. That one had been in a few major battles leading an area.

"The agents who went after the president's significant others, whatever status they have?" the oldest reporter in the room, an older woman who had been there since politics had made more sense, asked.

"They're under threat from the president as well. They apparently hate that the president has a set of significant others. For those who were screaming about polygamy on tv, that's only if they're married. It's not illegal to have a trio as a relationship as long as there's no formally recognized wedding.

"The president's response to the senator who said he was being a bad, immoral role model on that news program last night was vulgar and loud. The minis clapped at it. One even laughed." The whole press corps winced and hissed, most shaking their heads too. "President Harris has said that they're his reward for doing what he's done for over thirty years.

"If someone didn't like that, he welcomed them to get into his face about it so they could have a *chat*." That got another round of winces, hisses, and some head shakes. "Exactly. And they're not warlords. Most of us consider that nicer than some of his former ones.

"After all, the guy nearly married the vengeance demon for women scorned when she was turned into a human in Sunnydale. He left her at the altar because he found out how bad it'd be for her." She walked off. "Have a better day, people."

A few shared a look and ride shared a car to the local demon poker hall to find out about that almost marriage. It was clearly something interesting. They got told about Anya, and the documentary Lifetime had done. A few even shared the youtube videos that someone had put up of the old team. Lifetime had gotten that documentary very correct it seemed.

***

One of the reporters who wasn't that good ended up with a mini slayer in his possession because he had gotten her away from someone trying to harm her and some guys in camo coming to grab her from that idiot human. She had been panicking so he evacuated her to the nearest big store. "Are you all right?" he asked.

"I'm okay. Thank you for the saving. I need to call the house or Xander. He'll be really mad."

"I'm a reporter," he said, showing her his pass. "I can call the press secretary's office so she can find him." The girl relaxed and nodded so he did that. "It's Peter Marshall. I'm at a store in the mall with a mini slayer who nearly got snatched while Slayer Beth was fighting some guys wearing camos. She is safe with me in a dressing room at Penny's." He hung up on the secretary's promise to tell Xander immediately. "Did you know that woman?"

"No." She sighed. "My uncle wanted to see me, which is good and all. Slayer Bethie was in the mall to watch us since she brought me. I hope she's okay."

"The guys in camo tried to grab her but she fought them off by the guard's scanner." He sat down across from her like it was an interview. His phone was recording all this. "Did they hurt you?"

"I have a bit of a headache from that woman screeching about me. My uncle is the one they knocked out. Not sure who that woman was." She curled up on the bench. "I should be okay if you have to go cover that for the news stuff."

"No, there's a lot out there that can. There was a fashion show later today so the local news stations have the mall covered." She nodded at that. "Have you met the president's significant others?"

She stared at him. "I'm not supposed to talk to the press people. But they're really sweet." She grinned. "They're both really great and so are Eagley and Brucie."

"Who?"

"Their pets." She beamed, wiggling some. "Christopher's had Eagley since he was younger. Harley's had Brucie for a few years too. They're great pets."

"That's sweet. Do you get to play with the pets?"

"We don't get to chase Brucie. He's got a broken foot from that thing the other day with the mean idiots, but the zoo people were really nice Harley said. And if he chases us he might think we're prey and bite so we can't chase with him. We got him a bunny to eat and chase instead. We made sure it was the meat kind for those who eat bunnies. We'd never use a pet bunny for that sort of thing, that'd be mean to the bunny."

"I can see how good of you that was." He grinned. "His name's Christopher?"

"Yeah. Or Peacemaker I guess. I have no idea how use names like that happen. We don't have to use another name because all slayers are mythical in their own lives and their own ways." She grinned. "Someday I will be too."

"I hope it's a long, healthy, easy time if you go on patrol, dear. Is Christopher nice to you? I know his father wasn't a good guy."

"Yeah, he's pretty cool. We have to warn him before we pounce him but otherwise he'll help us in our self defense lessons. Sometimes we can chase him around. If he's having a pouty day, we can hug him for it. He's a nice uncle sort. Xander used to be the big brother to the slayers but he's too old to be our big brother sort now.

"So he's like an uncle. And Christopher makes a good uncle's boyfriend and Harley makes a good uncle's girlfriend. She even understands about needing to be cute and the older girls can ask her about patrol clothes sometimes if she's not having an unhappy day." She beamed and nodded.

"Do you think they'll have kids someday?"

"Unless the witches help I don't think so. I don't think Harley wants to be a mom or a stepmom."

"The witches can do a pregnancy between the two males?"

She nodded, staring at him. "They did for a male witch and his new husband recently." She beamed. "The baby's so adorable!" she squealed. "Very cute baby boy."

"That's sweet. I didn't know they could do that."

"It probably takes a lot of magic. The whole coven had to help."

"That probably would, yes." He nodded. "Are you guys helping them plan the wedding?"

"We asked to make sure we didn't need to be a bunch of flower girls after Sidra told us about her aunt's second wedding and how she was one. Harley said they're not doing that." She shook her head. "She said she's not into that sort of thing. Matching tattoos but not flower girls or poufy dresses."

"That's interesting. What if Xander gets elected to a second term?"

She shrugged. "I guess things won't change? I have no idea how that works yet. We're not doing government stuff in social studies yet. That's next year I think. Along with frog biology."

"That's a good point. You're still pretty young." He patted her on the cheek with a grin. "Are the mini slayers going to add more to the house soon?"

"All of us in the house had to be taken from our parents or are orphans. Sidra's got a few aunties but they're military too and on duty so they can't take her." She shifted away from him. "Her mommy came back for six weeks, got her back for five of them, and then had to go out again.

"It's upsetting but Xander's the best fussy uncle ever. He's almost like a slayer Daddy to us." She beamed again. "He's definitely the DILF the older girls called him the other day. They think those three are cute together too. They caught a picture of them watching movies on the couch and cuddling."

"That's nice of them. Did he get a copy?"

"Not really sure. It's on the slayer bulletin board. So he might have." Someone knocked and she yelped, hiding under the bench. "It's just a ghost in here."

Slayer Beth opened the door to stare at the reporter, scowling at him. "I was helping her evacuate and I told the Press Secretary where she was safely hiding."

Beth nodded. "Thank you for that. C'mon, Mamie." The girl looked at her oddly. That was their code name for talking to a mini in public so no one knew her real name. "The camo guys are arrested. We're going to calm Xander down before he sends the national guard. Tell the reporter guy thank you."

"Thank you!" She patted him on the hand and went with her. "Did I say bad things?" she asked in the car.

"No. Not from what I heard. Xander is kinda the Council's DILF. Him and Adkins in the library." She drove them off, taking her back. "I checked on your uncle. He's okay. The paramedics took care of him and I told him I'd take you back to the slayer house when I found where you were hiding. Then Xander texted to make sure if I needed backup." She finally got back to the white house and parked, getting out and letting the kid out. She led her in so Xander could check on them. "She was talking to the reporter."

"I didn't mean to say anything bad and I don't think I did."

"It's okay, Anna." He cuddled her. "You're good even if you did say mean things."

"No, he asked about Harley and Christopher and I told him they were both really neat and good to us and their pets were cute too." She smiled at him. "I told him we asked about flower girls and future babies too when he asked me but I told him Harley said that wasn't for her. The witches would have to do that between you two."

"They would but I'm not fertile so it probably can't happen." He cuddled her, looking at Beth. "Camo guys?"

"That same group that tried the orphan's house," she said dryly, smirking at him. "She outed that DILF comment too." Xander rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "Well, you kinda are, Xander. Live up to it." She took the slayer back. "I'll get her home. Her uncle knows she's safe." She carried her off.

Xander sighed, leaning his head on the desk to thump it a few times.

Christopher looked over from his seat in the corner cleaning guns. "You're the slayer DILF?" he joked with a grin.

"Yup. Me and Adkins in the library. He's got actual kids and he's more cut than you are." He looked at him. "You can let the girls objectify you if you want."

"Maybe later. How would the witches do that between two guys?"

"They helped a male couple conceive and carry last year."

"Like ass babies? My brother told me about those but then said they were a joke years later. It confused me for years."

"Yeah." He nodded with a smirk. "The coven's strong enough to do that. Willow did that a few times to the slayer pets too. All by herself."

"Huh." He considered that. "Have they been able to do that all along?"

"Probably but they hadn't as far as I know."

"Wow." He considered that. "I know my father never went to those sort. He would've hated covens."

Xander nodded. "Me too sometimes." He rubbed his bad eye. "I need to go clean that. Give me a few." He went to the bathroom.

"You can do an eye drop in front of me, Xander."

"I hate taking it out to clean in front of others."

"One's not real?" he asked, looking confused. "I did not realize that." He frowned as Harley came in eating a lollipop. "Did you know he had a fake eye?"

"No." She shook her head. "But it looks natural." She leaned down. "Tell me you're not the sort to freak out at having a lover who has a disability," she hissed.

"Hell no," he snorted, staring at her with a frown. "I'm not that shallow."

"A lot of people are freaked out by fake parts when they're faced with them," Xander said, leaning out of the bathroom. "Be right out." He closed the door again and put back in the eye.

"I thought he wore the patch because his eye hurt or he had a stye or something," he admitted.

"No." Xander came back out. "When did you get that?"

"When the minister minion for the First Evil popped it with his thumbnail."

"Wow. You really can't tell." Christopher stared at him. "You learned to compensate really well."

Xander nodded. "I kinda had to. All those battles meant it's a problem that had to be fixed. Especially since the battle with the First was a few weeks later." Harley gaped, staring at him. "What?" he whined.

"You went into a huge battle with a new injury?" she demanded. "Without learning how to get around it first?"

"I've had battle senses since I was eight," Xander told her. "I always know when there's someone around me. That's why the few rooms with ghosts freak me out so hard. I can feel them." He sat down. "Losing the eye rebalanced my energies enough that it brought on the visions. I trained a lot of things in Africa."

Christopher blinked. "You did?"

"I sure did." He grinned. "I trained with shaman about the problem I have being possessed easily and a few other things too. Plus did a lot of compensation work. I had to relearn how to drive in there too." He stared at him. "I didn't mean to freak you out," he said gently.

"It's not that! I'm not that sort of asshole, Xander. I wouldn't care if even you were missing an arm." He scowled. "Do you think I'm that shallow?"

"No. I think you work awfully hard on your conditioning and nag me about mine," he admitted. "A lot of guys who're worried about their muscles hate people who don't have them around them. They'd never date someone who wasn't just as stacked."

"Yeah, I'm not like them. Those sort would hate shooting people." He looked smug.

"We're all a bit broken somehow," Harley noted. She leaned over to kiss Xander then Christopher. "So he's missing an eye, two ribs, a chunk of bone in his ankle, and his appendix." She shrugged. "We're all missing parts too."

"You had your appendix out?" Christopher asked.

"That's that gross looking scar on his side," Harley told him. "They totally botched it apparently. Mine's a tiny thing. His is huge."

"They did screw it up. Sunnydale's hospital was horrible. They had more dead patients than alive ones some years." Xander shrugged. "They had to go in twice to fix their mistake. The first because they left a clamp. The second because I got an infection. Willow finally cleaned it up and got it closed for real. The second time they hadn't stitched it hardly at all so the infection could drain.

"I could see my intestines. I did that for show and tell one day. The teacher passed out. The other kids thought it was gross but cool like the one kid's tumor that had been removed and she showed off." He shrugged again but grinned.

"That is gross," Christopher said, pointing the cleaning rod at him. "Why didn't your parents take you to another hospital?"

"Only one in Sunnydale and they didn't even remember I had my appendix out. As far as I know they didn't bring me to the ER either. Somehow I managed to get there but I don't think it was them."

Harley blinked a few times. "Your parents are in hell, right?"

"I damn sure hope so."

"Maybe my dad is having a talk with your dad then," Christopher said, getting up to hug and kiss him. "My dad couldn't stand drunks." He went back to cleaning his guns.

Harley plopped herself into Xander's lap, hugging him. "You lived a life many would cry about." He nodded, giving her a cuddle. "Are we doing work today?"

"Supposedly I have a meeting in ten minutes. Slayer Anna is okay. Though she was talking to a reporter who saved her in the mall. That same group that went after the orphan's house," he said at her scowl. "They ambushed her at the mall. We're not sure if her uncle was involved or not. I'm leaning towards not by what Beth said."

"Good! No kids should have to grow up like any of us did." She cuddled until Patrick let in his appointment. "Sorry, getting cuddles." They left him alone to talk to the head of the senate.

"She's very lively," he told Xander.

"She is and reminds me that I'm still alive too and this isn't really hell."

"Only to some," he admitted, sitting across from him. "The other three bills, sir?"

"What about them?"

"They're good, solid reasoning behind them but a few on both sides are wary that you're changing things too much. We've noted your reasoning."

"It's also to make sure the world has a solid, foundation level, government in case the world starts to go to hell. Someone other countries can lean on. But to do that we have to be on solid footing, not slipping down that slope."

"We're a bit worried that some of that will take away the rights of property owners. Like the bill to allow HUD and local housing agencies to buy up houses that are foreclosed on or have not sold in over a year."

"Wouldn't the owners rather have them bought by *someone*?"

"Yes." He nodded. "It does use language that could force the sale however. We'd like a concession that the owner could turn it down."

"If I do that I'd put in an added sentence to force it if it still hasn't sold in another year. They're just sitting there rotting while people are without homes. There's millions more empty homes than there are people who need them. And the flipper thing is driving up prices so it's even less likely younger people can ever buy a home."

"Point." He considered that. "I'm not against that. They wanted us to just remove it but I can see suggesting a land bank sort of situation or suggesting the owners put it into some sort of auction?"

"No auctions. Those tend to go to landlords and those who have money on hand who could've bought it before then."

"True. I can see the addition of a year extra after a turn down and then the housing people buying it or the city to tear it down. Two years vacant would mean the house would probably need some repairs at the very least." Xander nodded. "Point. I can tell them that. The tax rate bill?"

"If we want to really fix those bridges that keep falling in or the roads, we need the money to do that. It's extra taxes or I cut the military down by seven percent. The same as it is only to be used for bridges and roads."

"What about tunnels?"

"What tunnels? We have tunnels like the Chunnel thing?"

"Yes, sir. We do."

"I did not know that. Then yes, that can go for that if they need upkeep and repair or a new one." He grinned. "Really I probably should have to do both to get them all to the point where we can fix them. And none of that money is to go to little pet projects. It is to only go to those things.

"Because you'd hate it if bridges kept collapsing and killing thousands of people potentially and cut off highways. It'd be like the early days of shipping things around the US. Though the rail system could be improved too. We're like on year thirty out of twenty to repair some things that are important to getting stuff around the US and public safety."

"Airports?"

"Don't they have their own line items? And aren't most privately owned?"

"Yes. I think. Or perhaps state owned." He made himself note on a notepad. "I need to look that up." He tucked it into his pocket. "I know that we'd only pay the higher taxes on the top bracket but it is set a bit low, sir."

"I looked it up from before when it was over five hundred million. I could change it to remove all tax lowerings since Regan's."

"Please don't. His was seventy-eight percent when he did that," he sighed. "It's not going to make people happy."

"It shouldn't affect anyone who isn't already pretty darn wealthy. There's no reason for the lowest paid to bear the burden of the country on their shoulders more than they already do for doing the shit jobs no one else wants to do."

"Point I suppose."

"Would you actually notice it if your income tax rate went up?"

"I didn't before we started to make civil servant wages," he said dryly.

"Well, now that can be fixed for you, right?" He grinned. "Your income probably doesn't hit the top tax bracket."

"Not on income, but in assets....that's a good point." He stared at him. "This is all very socialist and a lot of people are complaining about that."

Xander nodded. "Some day I'll be dead and the slayers won't have anyone else backing them up and may lose a battle. Then what?"

He blinked a few times. "Oh." He considered that. "The next president might not like that."

Xander shrugged but nodded. "The peaceful community wants to keep the colonel."

"I've heard you both."

"I've only heard them talking about the colonel, which is why I kept him out of a lot of this so he'd look nicer."

"That's tactical of you, sir." He stood up. "I'll tell them. See what we can work out. Were you serious about the seven percent cut?"

"That's three new planes," Xander said dryly. "Or some hoity-toity perks that the Pentagon gives as presents plus their viagra fund."

"True. We can look and do an audit. We may find that much alone in waste. We have in the past." He shook his hand and left to tell them. The others in Congress weren't amused at any of it. "The president and I talked," he said as he walked in. They stared at him. "He will bend on that year to sell or HUD can buy it clause.

"He'll allow the owners to say no, have another year, and then if it isn't, he pointed out a house that's sat there for two years is going to need some major repairs anyway. He also hates the flippers that do houses since he thinks it drives up prices and makes it harder for younger homeowners to find anything."

He sat down. "He's right, they're sitting there rotting. Even if they buy them for the price of the land, it could do a lot of good. On the tax thing, he pointed out none of us now have income in that higher tax bracket even if we do have assets, which are mostly in tax deferred strategies if we're smart.

"He offered instead to cut the military budget by seven percent. Which he thinks is three planes or a lot of the perks they give out to generals. I said we could do an audit to find that much probably. He has said that the new money is only to go to roads, bridges, and tunnels. I had to tell him we had mountain tunnels. He knew about the Chunnel but not ours. He's also noted that by doing all this, the government will be the solid foundation in case the world goes to hell because the slayers lost a battle after he died."

They considered that. "It would mean our people could be safer and healthier."

"As he told Luthor, healthier, happier workers do more for their companies," another agreed with a slow nod. Then he grimaced. "And that any company that was that bad would lose people to competitors who were nicer."

"He's not against bigger businesses running but he's against them mistreating workers," the one who had talked to him said. "He's talked about his very blue collar parents working for slime that did that." They nodded they had heard that. "Overall it doesn't seem too outrageous." He looked around. "Though a few of us are not going to be reelected thanks to how long we've served."

"Those go into affect on the first of January."

"Which means your seat goes up for immediate reelection at that point if you win it. That'll mean your state has to go to all that trouble."

That senator blinked a few times. "Oh. I didn't think about that."

He nodded. "At least the ones currently serving will get our pensions at the old rate of pay." They smiled at that. "Perhaps it's better to go out on top. Then become an advisor to someone who'll pay us enough to get back into that top income tax bracket."

"It's ruining the system."

The head of the senate smiled. "The system was broken anyway. There's been no rabble rousing, people knowing sort in decades. The last one we had was when?"

"Point." They all grimaced at that. They hated that sort but they did get things done by making the people push them.

"We have to appear graceful so we don't look like we're defeated. Also, some of you might want to talk to the president about how he's going to have to nominate judges."

"We can turn that down," one said. "We have in the past."

"He isn't aware that the demonic community want him to stay in office. He thought they were going to keep Flag." That one groaned. "He also noted how many problems with shipping and things that those bridges falling in would cause the US economy. Including slowed deliveries. He did say rail could also be upped sometime soon." A few slumped at that. "Are airports public property or privately owned?"

"Some are privately owned. Most are owned by the local governments I think. I was on the transportation board years ago." He looked at the others. "It would look good on us. If we wanted to run for higher office....."

"They said running for president would not hinge on the twenty-five year rule," the head of the senate said. "We asked specifically since that's often a senator." That got a mass nod. "They will bend that requirement because there's a time limit built in of eight years. Or for VP. That's one job where experience helps."

"As opposed to ours, who dick taunted a world leader that he had given a blow job to once?" the old guy at the other end of the table joked.

"At least the guy remembered it fondly and laughed but agreed Xander was a bitch if you tried to push him." The head of the senate looked at the others. "We can bend or we can stall but he'll go around us with the new congress. Which do we want to do?"

"We can bend a lot but not officially earmark those for infrastructure."

"He said no pet projects allowed. Roads, bridges, highways, tunnels."

"We can leave that in there."

"He can send it back. We do need to fix those. We had a bridge collapse last month that's fouled shipping for months. On a national highway." They nodded they remembered. "He's thinking back to what it was like before we had an official highway system."

"That was a mess," the old guy agreed. He sighed, looking at the others. "I don't mind bending on that one. I don't like it being officially earmarked though. What if we need it after a huge battle to help a city?"

"We can plot that no more than ten percent can be diverted without a two-thirds or a majority vote. That leaves later on moving it somewhere else." That got a nod. They could write that into the bill.

Xander walked in and handed over something. "Someone's pissy that I don't know anything about education but I remember those tests well enough,. One per school tier: elementary, middle, high school. Same test over the whole US to compare fairly. Set national standards of graduation testing."

He grinned. "My school, they tested for stuff we should've learned in eighth grade. Is that who you want to be running the country in twenty years?" He left them alone. "Do the audit too please. The generals are sneering at me again and I'm tired of it." He let the door slam behind him.

The head of the senate looked at that bill then passed it around. It sounded reasonable but they'd have to ask the education department. But maybe. The president did have some lower, normal people expectations and ideas. Those didn't always work for congress. Though, that may be fixed by having to elect a mostly new congress soon.

***

Xander looked at the press people, smiling at them. "I've talked to a lot of people. Including those who vet judges for the law board people and the colonel, who has no idea what makes a good judge either. We have a list of about ten names for about twenty-eight positions right now. So let's hire for the hardest first. These are the ones I'm nominating to take over Supreme Court spots.

"They are federal judges who have at least five years left of service. Two on the list have been state level judges for a few decades and are in their state versions of the supreme court." He waved them in. "These are the five people I'm putting up for new supreme court spots. The press secretary has a briefing sheet on them."

He got out of the way smiling at his choices. They were diverse, from both parties, and a few weren't a choice he'd want but it'd be nicer to the other side so they'd quit complaining. The press talked to them about their names, their training, former service positions, and their party affiliations.

They'd still have to go through a confirmation hearing but they wouldn't be too hard. They couldn't have the supreme court down for too long with only two judges. This got them back up to eight at least. After that, he went back to the office to take off the jacket.

Flag was shaking his head. "I feel like a puppet each time I do that."

"Me too. Or an imbecile." He sat down on a couch. "Think they'll have problems?"

"You tried to balance it so it doesn't look like you're favoring one side." Xander nodded. "It should be all right, Xander. I have no idea what to do if they keep me though."

"Do a lot of nominating." Xander grinned. "They're used to me asking stupid questions."

"They are and I can do the same thing since I know less than you do about some things in the government." He stared at him. "Seven percent cut to the military?"

Xander nodded. "Bridges are expensive. Like fifty, sixty million each."

Rick winced but nodded. "True and seven percent can be trimmed fairly easily. They'll complain."

"They have been. Even before they heard. They decided I'm just a figurehead again."

"You know, you're the one who nominates for the top generals."

"I have no idea who to point at."

"I barely know," he admitted. He grinned a bit. "They refused my rank raise last year. Even though it was time. Again."

"Because of the task force?" Flag nodded. "That sucks."

"It does. I heard interesting news. You're missing an eye?"

"I have been since just before Sunnydale fell in. Why?"

"None of us knew that."

Xander shrugged. "Has it mattered yet?"

Rick stared at him then sighed. "No, not really."

"I was hoping it wouldn't disgust Christopher," he said quietly, glancing at the door.

"He's at the gym with Deadshot and Bloodsport." Xander nodded at that. "He's not going to care."

"I feel weird taking it out in front of others anyway. I've worn my patch. Even if I do get dirty looks for it."

Rick blinked a few times. "I thought it was an injury or something!"

"Nope." He grinned and popped it out to wave then put it back in.

"Wow." He kept himself from quipping something stupid. "I think you're the first disabled president since FDR."

"I have no idea. Patrick?" He leaned in, then came in. "Am I the first disabled president since FDR?"

"You're disabled?"

"He's missing an eye," Flag told him. "None of us realized."

"You are?" his assistant demanded. Xander nodded, looking smug. "I did not know that. Any others?"

"Missing the two ribs," Rick said.

"My appendix and a piece of bone in my ankle," Xander said. "Had dengue and malaria. My appendix came out but Harley thinks that scar's gross because the hacks at that hospital were really bad that week." He showed that off.

"Mine's like two inches long," Flag said. "What the hell, Xander?"

"They were hacks! They left a clamp in, had to go back in to get it. Had to go back in a second time because of the infection. Left it mostly open but Willow ended up closing it up for me. She used to do okay stitches."

His assistant blinked a few times. "Wow."

"He does his own stitches usually," Flag told him. "Even if he's with paramedics."

"I'm not that tough and I hope I never have to be." He went back to his desk to look that up. "Yes, he is," he called in a minute later.

Rick grinned. "So you're making a lot of firsts happen."

"I am." He grimaced. "I hope no one ever compares another president to me the way we do to FDR and those ones."

"Me too." He stood up. "I'm going to run training for the minis."

"They're in Cleveland. They went last night to go see the new girls graduating to patrol status."

"Awww. So I'll go haze my team. C'mon."

"Let me change." He went to do that and met up again in the gym. "Evening, people."

"Hey," a few called. One new one tried to attack him so Xander beat him until he moaned and gave up. A few of the team snickered at that, including Harley.

"You're an evil dick," that guy complained, trying to sit up.

"Yes, but I'm an evil dick who saves the world and trains a whole bunch of young, bouncy women to do the same thing. Including the minis who're watching the graduation ceremony." He smirked at the guy. "Wanna go again?"

"No," he whined. He stood up, holding his pelvic bone Xander had stomped on. "Damn it." He limped back to his spot in line.

"He's new," Flag told Xander with a grin. Who smirked back. "We'll make sure he doesn't guard you so he can't let someone else have your death."

"No, I fully intend to die in a battle. Or in bed. One of the two."

Harley stared at him. "We've tried." Xander grinned and blew a kiss at her. "You've got more stamina than you should."

"Yell at Anya's ghost for that. Or a pack of succuba that needed saved in Uganda."

Harley moaned, shaking her head. "Wow. Though yeah, I blame Anya for it." She shook her head again. She looked up. "They're talking about the original team on the news."

"Did they find Oz? Is he still in Tibet?"

"He was. They talked to him outside the temple so they wouldn't draw attention to them. They asked specifically to talk to him away from where he was living to protect that temple."

Xander sighed, then smiled. "Is he okay?"

"He's good. He looked okay. Bit older than he should, but good. He said to say hi on the report."

"I'd say hi right back. Did he seem amused at my current residence of hell?"

"Yup." She smirked and nodded a bit. "He laughed, they had to edit some of it out."

"Me too but they'd think I was hysterical and sedate me. They promised to if they thought I was going to turn evil." He stretched his arms. "Any other good news?"

"They found Dawn."

"I knew where Dawn was most of the time."

"She's good. She's safe. Looks nice. Was happy enough. Had a boyfriend."

Xander smirked. "I threatened Bobby last year." He smirked at a few others. "I'm so glad she got a nicer boy than her crush on me would've pointed at. And totally mundane. Though an agent. We had a *talk*." He grinned. "I wonder if he told her."

"They asked if anyone in the group had met her boyfriend and she laughed, then said he said you had threatened him." Harley walked over and tried to stab him with a grin. "Always be on guard."

He smirked, having caught her hand. "If you wanna stab me, we've got sex toys. I did inherit them from Anya. There's enough there for a whole museum collection." He kissed her, pulling her closer then around to put the knife against her throat, making her moan and shift. He positioned her so she was leaned back and off balance. "What now, Princess of Hairdye?"

She struggled but couldn't get free without falling. "I ask for help?" she guessed. "Rick!"

He laughed. "Kick, Harley. Or claw back." She tried that but Xander pulled her further off balance for getting his thigh with her claws. "What's your next move, Xander?"

He smirked. "The minis would want me to propose but instead I have her birthday present. Because she's not into rings." He pulled it out of his pocket and used his teeth to open it then draped it over her neck. He let her go, letting her catch it to look at. She moaned, looking at him. He shrugged but grinned a bit. "Happy birthday this weekend. We're going to Camp David. So we'll even have woods to celebrate in."

She put on the necklace with the two birthstones and came over to kiss him. "I love you. You're goofy." She kneed him in the balls, making him wince. "But I'll get you back for that."

"Promises, promises," he quipped with an evil look. She shivered, moaning as she walked off. "Okay. Now that my mushy moment for the day is done...." He grinned at the two newbies to the squad. "Is it pick on the new guys day, Colonel? I could use the stress relief before I have to read more judge's decisions to find a few more."

"Got two picked, one for the top spot, one for a lower one," Harley quipped.

"Oh, princess. Thank you!" He hugged her. "Thank you! You saved my sanity."

"I know. What little of it is left is precious and owned by the minis." She poked him. "Get off. No PDA in front of the squad."

He smirked at her. "You sure?"

"Very."

"You know, you saying that means we'll end up having someone capturing us together and we'll have to fight naked."

"Eww. No. Gotta have at least panties. Things get up there if you don't have panties."

"True." The last few came in. "We're going to Camp David this weekend."

"That's fine." Peacemaker looked at the necklace. "That's pretty."

"It's my birthday present. He totally got me in a neck hold."

"Awww." He grinned. "It's pretty." She put it into her pocket and they attacked the newbies to make sure they were good enough. They weren't. One begged to go back to jail by the end. The other was whining about them being mean and him being the big, bad assassin sort.

Deadshot looked at him. "Man, shut the fuck up! They got me for over thirty kills. They got DuBois for probably twenty, and missed a few on each of us. You got picked up to take our old asses' place and barely had four!"

"I had over ten!" he complained, getting up.

"Dude, I've killed whole militias," Xander said dryly. "And not for pay but because it was necessary and they were in the way by threatening my slayers in Africa. You've had *four*?" The man slumped, staring at him. He looked at Rick. Who shrugged. "Slim pickings?"

"Not my call. Someone else picked them for the task force."

Xander nodded. "I get that. We did the same thing with judge candidates." He walked off. "I'm hearing the siren's call of someone's getting into trouble because I can hear someone screaming on the lawn. Let me go fix that."

"Guys," Flag ordered with a point. They went to fix it for Xander.

"She could be a victim," Xander called as they ran past him. He made it out there and stared at the demon who was ranting. "What? You're taking me from stress relief time by flirting while sparring."

Peacemaker looked at him. "Flirt outside the gym. I'm not the jock who'd use the equipment that way, Xander."

"Fine." He grinned at the demon again.

"You asked for those who would hate us!" she complained.

"I have to make sure it doesn't look like I'm intentionally packing the judicial branches. I have to look like I'm picking impartial people." The demoness stared at him. "I do!"

"I..." She scowled. "They could harm us."

"There's nine of them. Majority wins. Are the others going to let him have a majority?"

"I do not know." She frowned again. "You did not like the one we sent?"

"The judge bar place won't certify him. They said they can't. He has all the stuff but they're not going to let him sit on more than a federal judge bench because his mom was an assassin hunter. He is on my list for that."

She tipped her head. "They're counting his mother against him?" Xander nodded. "But she was one who took out enemies of the community."

"They know that. I told them that. They said it was noble of her but the top spot has to have less ways to be tilted towards a side. He is on my list for a federal bench. He's in my next batch actually. Him and the one I got from the not so nice lawyers."

"Hileigh?"

"That's who nominated her boss. Which means Wolfram and Hart have a few inches of influence but he's part of a court of three who are protected against magic anyway." He grinned. "It won't help them any as they're in Missouri."

She blinked. "That's almost wicked, Harris." He beamed and nodded. "Well. You have ideas."

"I do have ideas. I just don't shout about them. Especially since half the time I think they're stupid ideas. I was not the school genius and it shows sometimes. Any other big problems?"

"No. I suppose not. You have not betrayed us."

"No, I have not betrayed the community. I wouldn't do that unless you made me." He spotted someone. "Move!" He got the demoness behind him. "Do not come near her. She's here peacefully."

"She's a demon!" the woman shouted.

"So?" Xander shrugged. "You're a human one!" The woman tried to shoot at them but Xander shot her first and Peacemaker got her in the arm at the same time. He looked back at the demoness. "A known hunter?"

"I have no idea." She went to take her picture and send it out. "Yes, she is." She looked down at that one. "I am the head of the Demonic Congressional caucus. You are a blight." She stomped off.

"Get a guard to make sure you make it home," Xander called, glaring at a Secret Service guy. They called their guards and got her home with them. He walked off shaking his head. That woman was under arrest by now. Miserable and under arrest. Xander had more important things to do today than to deal with idiot hunters. Though he could outlaw it again. Make it a harsher sentence.

The guys followed, looking amused. The new guy who tried to kill Xander looked at the colonel. "They elected a Task Force member? I thought being a felon ruled you out."

"He's not. Officially he's Squad-adjacent. In reality, he's dating two of you and he's might-as-well-be but he'll probably not go on missions with us. Though if I need it, he's our rescue team."

"Wow." He stared at the president. "That's... kind of inspiring really."

"Yes it is." They went back to the gym to get back to teaching the new guys to work with the rest of them.

***

Xander stomped into the apartment a few weeks later, slamming the bedroom door as he went to sulk.

The two lovers shared a look then looked that way. "Xander?" Christopher called. "Is it a battle? A sick slayer? Something huge? Should we help you pack to go visiting somewhere?"

"No!" he shouted back then slammed the bathroom door. He came out and threw that door against the wall. "There's *children* that look up to me as a *role model*! They were talking to a few boys who want to be me when they grow the fuck up." Harley winced but got up to hug him. Xander shook his head. "Too soon." He went to beat things in the gym.

"That is horrifying. That means others have to create Willow and Buffy again." He got up. "Let me go calm him down." She nodded. He went to find him, figuring on one of the two gyms. Yup, he was using a staff to beat the stuffing out of a heavy bag. The guards on the door gave him a pleading look. "He found out kids want to look up to him as a role model."

"We don't need more than one at a time," one said quietly. "Really, I'm not sure the world can stand that."

"I was fucking turned into twins at one time and the world survived that!" Xander called from inside the gym.

The guards winced at the sound of something breaking. "Twins of him. Harley would be horrified." He sighed as he walked in, looking at the mess. "Did you throw the heavy bag?"

"No, it fell when I hit it too hard." He sulked. "I'm fine!"

"I can tell. You were twins?"

"Yeah, a mystical troll hammer hit me instead of Buffy. It was kinda freaky. One of me was really confident and the other one wasn't. Anya wanted to have a three-some. It was super freaky but the confident me did get a raise to indoor crew lead."

"C'mere." He waved a hand. Xander shook his head, going to kick the remains of the bag. "C'mon. Let me be the reasonable one. We can go cuddle with the hyena and eagle. Harley can find some way to discourage them. Before they have to create a new Buffy and Willow to help those ones be as warped." Xander rolled his eyes.

"C'mere." He waved a hand. Xander trudged over but let himself be held. "Nicer?" he asked calmly. Xander shook his head. "Is that because you're not used to having hugs?" Xander nodded, looking up at him. "We can fix that. Harley likes to hug." He cuddled him while he calmed down. "Let's go cuddle the pets," he said calmly and quietly. He knew Xander was one mean word away from starting a fight. He'd been there himself. The fight would be brutal and Xander would get mad at himself afterward.

"I'll be fine."

"Hmmm. You are fine. Even if you're discouraged at humanity thinking you're the one to look up to. The guards think we only need one of you at a time."

"I should see if there's worlds where I'm still twins."

"Don't tempt fate, Xander. Can they do that again?"

"It was Anya's ex-husband and he was trying to get Buffy because it meant the weaker one could be killed easier and it'd kill the other one." He looked up again. "Willow put me back together."

"I'm having bad thoughts about you two getting hyped up on sugar and going to cause mayhem and hell for the world." He shook his head quickly. "I can almost see the bar hopping trip of doom." Xander snickered. "And all the working girls who'd have to take a day off from all the soreness you caused." He sighed. "You gave me bad thoughts."

"You gave yourself bad thoughts," Xander said.

"They're about you, you caused them." He grinned. "All your fault for being so wicked." He walked him off. "Guys, he broke the heavy bag and it broke the exercise bike." The guards nodded at that. He made sure they went back to the apartment together, and he got Xander onto the couch with Harley cuddling into one side. Christopher sat down next to them, letting them lean over into his side.

He patted Xander's lap. Bruce hopped up to cuddle them. Eagley sat on the back of the couch to swat her human. He looked back. "What? Out of mice? I thought we had a few in the cage." He looked over. "Want another mouse?" Eagley swatted him again but settled down to stare down at them. It was comforting in a weird way.

Downstairs, the guards gossiped to Patrick, who went to moan and get a bit tipsy. They'd cure that in the morning somehow.

***

"Ms. Quinn?" a reporter called, chasing after her. She had just been out for shampoo and here was a reporter she wasn't allowed to take out. She huffed at that. "Ma'am, you know the president very well. Do you think he might be bipolar?"

"What?" she demanded. "No!"

"He's visibly different when he's in a battle."

"Yeah, we all do that, junior. It's called a battle response." The reporter looked confused. "Also, it's Dr. Quinzel. I worked my ass off to get my PhD in psychology."

The reporter blinked. "You did?"

"Yeah, I did. Him having a battle response step, which all of us in battles have, is a normal thing. Xander doesn't fit near the bipolar diagnosis criteria." She still looked confused though. "Haven't you seen others who have had battles?"

"No," he admitted. "My editor thinks he's got mental illness of some kind or another."

She shook her head. "No. He doesn't fit the diagnosing criteria. He's noble. He's a white knight, a classical definition of one actually. He's a caring guy who sees it as his duty to help the slayers so one little girl doesn't have to save her world."

"We've seen him being upset with himself."

"Yeah, that's a human thing to do sometimes. We all have days when we doubt ourselves or our actions. I've had plenty but may not be the best example. Haven't you had days when you doubted your choices?"

"Well, yes."

"Then why do you think he's any different?"

"He's a public figure."

"Yeah, they made sure of it so we'd all be protected."

"Do we think he'll get to go home?"

"He sure hopes so. So is Flag though." She shrugged. "It'll work out as it does I guess."

"My editor thinks that he's got issues. Maybe something like an OCD thing?"

"No. He doesn't even have rituals for things like food. Why would you think that?"

"He's always rubbing his eye?"

"That's his prosthetic eye and it's probably dry."

"He's disabled?" the reporter demanded, staring at her.

She nodded. "So?"

"But he's the president!"

"So was FDR and he was in a wheelchair sometimes. Again, so?"

"Doesn't that mean he's not qualified to be president?"

"Nothing says anything about a disabled president or VP. And that's pretty asshole of you to think it does." She stared at him, frowning now, one hand on her hip. "Disabled people can do most everything, though it varies by person. Just because he's missing an eye doesn't mean he's unable to handle battles or Congress. Why would you even think that?" He shrank away from her. "Go home, kid," she said with a hand wave. "Before you piss me off greatly and I take you out."

"That would be evil!"

"And I'm a villain," she shot back with a smirk. "You should probably flee." He ran off with his recorder. She huffed, rolling her eyes, then went in to get her shampoo. She'd have to warn Xander that the hateful news people were going to start on that now to try to discredit him. He'd be *thrilled*.

***

Xander looked at the press. "How dare you think that me missing a body part means I'm too disabled to be president," he said firmly. "What hateful bitches and bastards you're becoming over that. There is *nothing* I can't do just because I'm missing an eye. Including be president. Though it did make sure I can put out a bill to up disabled people's rights. No wonder so many people hate you guys."

He took out his eye and put it in front of him. They winced at that. "Yeah, I lost an eye. A major problem that was a minion of the First Evil, the one that sank Sunnydale, popped it because I had common sense that no one listened to. Called me the unseen seer. Thankfully he didn't get both of them, though even that would not discredit me as president.

"I'm sorry if *some* of you don't like that, but fucking yay, people! It's not like I've changed anything due to it. I've been in a lot of battles without it too." He stared around again. "Stop the idiot things that are saying disabled people are weaker. We're a lot stronger because we have to put up with shit like this."

He walked off again. "I'm highly disappointed in that. This is not the US that it should be or the people we should be." He came back to get the eye then walked off again after popping it back in.

The press secretary, who had been next to him, stepped into the spot behind the microphone. "Now that you've pissed off the president so much he never wants to have any of you in the white house again, I guess I get to do a lot less work as there'll now be no more press briefings unless it's about something important. If then.

"The pettiness against him for fixing things is getting out of hand. He's tried to remain fair and balanced through all of it, even nominating judges that have very conservative backgrounds who think kids like him deserve to die. He's tried very hard to live up to not only expectations but also reality.

"He said my job is now only to report briefly on major issues like mass invasions. So I'm sorry but all your press passes are now revoked and the daily briefings may return with a new president." She smiled and walked off, letting the guards handle taking the passes.

"Not all of us did that," one reporter called.

She waved back but didn't answer. It was true but the many would have to suffer because the few had been stupid. But it did mean she'd have an easier time and could fall back to her other part-time job of speech writing for the colonel. They hardly ever gave one but when they did they had to sound better than they were.

***

That night, Colonel Flag was in front of his own press conference. "I agree with him. Even though he did swear at all of you," he noted impatiently. "Just because he's been missing an eye for over two decades now, which means he went through all those battles in Africa without it, doesn't mean he's that disabled that he should be in a special group home.

"Hell, I didn't even realize it until recently when it slipped out to one of his lovers." The press people winced. "I've seen all the battle films they've taken and looking back I see now a few times it mattered and he got injured but mostly, it hasn't mattered at all. And if he had proper backup, he wouldn't have been injured."

He looked around the group again. "I agree with Xander's decision to end press briefings. I'm going to do the same thing. If they somehow manage to keep me against my will, I'm going to keep doing that too. Unless it's something like a major invasion or a huge problem, no more of that. You've lost your good will." He walked off again. King Shark blocked the path from anyone following him. When they left he came in and went to curl up by the pool instead. "Swim if you wanna swim, big guy."

"Cold."

"Oh, that. Let me see if the pool has a heater. If not, the white house one does and I'll send you over there." He went to check then sent him to Xander, who escorted him down to the pool area and made sure it was heated for him. He got to be happy having some water time. Rick sighed in frustration.

He really hated this job. Give him dying on another mission any day over all this shit. But soon! He'd be back at that soon! Though he'd probably have to pick a whole new squad. That would frustrate him for months because anti-heros and villains just weren't going to jail like they used to.

***

"Sir?" Patrick called into the office. Xander had been having a headache today for some reason so he was not going to upset him.

"What?" Xander called.

"The results of most of the primaries last night are in. You're not on any ballots that they noted."

"THANK YOU, GODDESS!"

"The colonel wasn't either."

"Tell him the happy news, Patrick."

"I will, sir, but that's only about five states out of fifty. None of them the bigger ones that'll sway elections by themselves."

"But it gives me hope I can get out of this hell zone." He grinned at his assistant. "I like you, Patrick, but I wouldn't wish this job on anyone."

"I can see that, sir. Are you going to back anyone running?"

"No. I don't like a single one of them running," he admitted. "I think they're all destabilizing morons. If General Kader was running I'd back him."

"It's too late for him to join, sir."

"I know, which sucks. The ones there are all 'I'm going to fix his mistakes' and most of them have decided I'm unable to actually be president because I'm disabled." He smirked a bit. "Most of them aren't eligible to run though."

"That court order did say that they could run for president even outside that civil service mandate, sir."

"Yeah but most of them aren't eligible to run at all." He beamed and found a file then handed it over. "They never went through the correct processes. Only one has and been certified able to run and he's an imbecile. The gun-ho idiot from Texas."

"Oh, dear." He took that to look over. "Oh, dear God," Patrick muttered. "Let me let some people know this, sir." He went to tell the press secretary. Who could slip that into someone's ear. "The president's found this out somehow."

She looked at it. "That's invalidating their ability to run if it's true." She hummed. "Let me have someone investigate this. Someone in intelligence made that file so I'm not sure if they're lying or not." She called someone to meet her for lunch, which was in a little bit anyway. She got to the diner and sat across from them, handing over the file. "Someone in an agency handed the president that. I'm not sure about how good their work is. But if it's right, that's going to throw a wrench in the elections."

"The president's own run wasn't noted."

"He didn't run. Not a single campaign."

"Oh. That's a good point." She looked. "Huh." She nodded. "I'm going to look into this. If it's wrong, then some intelligence source is in trouble. If not, the election is." She smiled. "Thank you for still trusting some of us."

"You, yes. A few others, I wouldn't mind. The rest.... No."

"They think he's working behind the scenes right now to mess up more things."

"He hasn't messed up much. What he's done has created a stable foundation to continue to grow from. He's read a lot on the last days of the Roman empire." The reporter winced. "If something huge happened with the slayer things, people could lean on us without us flaking out like idiots or fighting like toddlers. If Iran's invaded or Quebec, then we're able to go 'this is what we can do' without as much fighting now."

"I hadn't thought about that."

"Or if the slayers lose."

"Or that topic. Now I see why he did that." She scrunched up her face then let it clear up. "They elected him to set up a more stable, reasonable foundation so we're safer."

"Which we are." She grinned. "Between his skills and Flag's skills, we're a lot safer now than we were. The next president is going to have a lot to live up to. And see if you can get a question in the debates about what they'd do if the slayers lost a battle."

She winked and got up, leaving money there for her lunch. Hers she got to go. She needed to go eat with her poor new puppy before the president played it to napping all day. The president couldn't get the hyena to play fetch with him so he had helped train her puppy.

The reporter started her work while she ate. He was right about a few of them. A few had done the official running duties they had to do before announcing any political campaigning. Interesting. She went to get a statement from those camps. "Sir?" she called at one, who was at a speech that night. He looked over. "What do you say about being one of two candidates who's eligible to run because they didn't do the pre-campaign certifications?" she called.

"What?" he demanded, stomping over there. "What now?"

"You're one of two who did the certifications, Senator. You and the guy from Texas."

"Then how are they running?"

"Illegally apparently. Any statement on that?"

"Can I see your facts?" She let him see her research she had printed. "Oh, they didn't." He beamed. "Thank you, ma'am."

"You're welcome, sir. What're you going to do if the slayers lose a battle?"

"Has it been seen?"

"No but it's always a possibility that you can lose a battle."

He considered it. "I don't know. Let me think on that one. I don't have the tactical training to do that so I'd have my advisors doing it with me." He left to tell his campaign staff about that little fact. They were ecstatic because that meant the other ones couldn't run legally. Though one asked about the president's own campaign but they pointed out he hadn't run one. Not one single speech, ad, poster done by his people. That was all done by the underground communities.

***

Xander watched the ad and sighed. Then he decided to rebut that ad. Harley had the idea to put it up on the same social media site, and others. "Hey, guys," he said with a grin and a wave. "I saw the yahoo from Texas's statement that he'd shoot a demon. Well, hate to tell him this but that species on his cardboard cutout isn't going to fall to that.

"They're actually one you have to use colloidal silver to kill and it has to be in the heart. As I doubt he's packing more than cheap ammo with his cut-rate gun that has a lot of issues with locking up, I don't think he'll be able to kill that sort of demon. That takes doing it by hand or a specialty bullet." He grinned and held up his dagger and the bullet.

"These are mine for that species and others that need that approach. There's over three thousand demonic species presently represented on this plane and they're mostly good so wouldn't need killed. Standard bullets will only kill about two percent of them however." He shrugged. "Live and learn I guess." The film cut off.

Harley posted it on her account since Xander didn't have one. She checked back in an hour and found it starting to trend. "Hey, Xander, we should do one where you're teaching gun maintenance. It's really hot."

He blushed at her, then looked at their male one. "We can clean some together. It is very hot of us do to proper gun maintenance. Though it takes more than a minute, Harley."

"I know." She pouted. "So I can have film?" She grinned. They nodded and got stuff. She settled in to record them doing that, including changing cleaning materials back and forth as they needed them. Xander looking at a barrel and blowing up it. Christopher shaking his head with a grin for that move.

Christopher looked up. "Proper gun maintenance is self care." He went back to it when Xander nudged him with a grin. "It is."

"It can be. After this is sword sharpening?"

"I love playing with the swords and your axe." They shared a smirk. Harley cut it off there. They shared a look again then shrugged at her. She squealed and posted it on her youtube channel. Usually she did advice things on it instead.

That trended faster than the other one.

Flag stomped in and looked at them. "The gun manufacturer is mad that you called his gun cut-rate."

"It is. It locks up more often than not," Xander quipped.

"It is," Christopher agreed with a smirk. "Always go with a good name brand gun because quality matters."

"I need to have you post that to go with his," Harley complained. She pulled out her phone again. "Do it again, dear?"

He smirked at her. "You're being a bit evil today, Harley. But yes, I'll repeat what I just said to Colonel Flag. Always go with a good name brand gun because quality matters."

"And have one that fits your grip," Xander said. "Having too small of a grip means you're not solid and it can shift in your hand to throw off your aim," Xander quipped. They looked at him. "I have that problem a lot. I have big hands." He held up one and then put a gun into it. "Bigger grip."

"That's true. Tiny guns can shift and throw off your aim." Harley cut that off with a small squeal and posted it.

Flag sighed, shaking his head. "Guys!"

"The yahoo from Texas," Xander quipped.

"I saw. And growled. Thank you for teaching him better." He stared at Xander. "They're going to try to keep us."

Xander nodded. "Only two are actually certified to run right now."

"I saw that report too." He walked off shaking his head but stealing an antacid from Xander's jar on the desk on the way out. Patrick grinned at him. "Harley's doing social media posts about them."

He got into his computer with a sigh to see them. Then he moaned at one. He sent them to the press secretary, who worked to get them more notice. It was kind of her job. Even if the gun maintenance one was just cutesy of them.

Gay twitter was having a lot of fun with the gun maintenance video.

***

Xander and some of the squad trainees, plus Harley and another guard, were out for a run when a reporter pulled up near them. Xander had a gun in hand by the time they pulled up next to them. "Not a threat!" one called. "Sir, what do you say about being the first gay president? People are saying things about you again."

"I don't care about other people's opinions," he called back. "Don't do that again. And I'm pretty sure I'm bi or pan actually, not just gay." He smirked and waved a hand at Harley. "I do make all my lovers squeal." The reporter blanched at that and they sped off because the other guards got guns out too. He put his gun back with a sigh. "Sorry, they're being annoying again."

"I do squeal a lot," Harley quipped. "Damn do I squeal a lot." He grinned at her and took off jogging again. The rest of the trainees tried to keep up with his stamina. So was she. They had even worn him out last night! "Xander, do we have to do ten miles? I've hiked that far on missions but jogging it is mean."

He grinned. "You can fall out and go back at any time, dear. Flag said the new guys had to do at least ten miles to make sure they could handle it if they had to during a mission."

She moaned. "Who upset Flag this time?" she demanded. "Do I have to hire him a hooker to make him quit being such an asshole?"

"Did that last night," Xander quipped. "She's kinda pretty too."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I called in the mistress service the FBI leans on." He looked at her then smirked a tiny bit. "They have two who're blonde and pale trying to be you but I had him sent a brunette slinky thing."

"Wow." She shook her head, stopping her running to do that. "So damn mean. Flag's going to end them." She sighed, looking at the Secret Service guards with them. "I'm out. Let me go enjoy the fallout from Flag getting hired someone to make him a happier boy." She got taken back to the white house to see how bad it was. DuBois was there already hiding. "Flag taking down the mistress place?" she asked as she walked past him.

"Hell yes," he muttered, reading. "I'm hiding like hell."

"He sent the trainees at Xander to do at least ten miles jogging. Xander hired him the hooker last night." DuBois looked at her. "The FBI keeps them on retainer apparently and there's two there trying to be me but he sent a brunette."

"No wonder he's going off on the agencies today." He smirked and went back to reading. "Have a good soak."

"Yeah I think I need one. Xander's in bad idea land again." She sighed as she walked off. "And I'm sore!" She got a laugh from her teammate for that. She ran into a waiting billionaire. "Hey, Wayne. The colonel made him jog with the trainees for the Squad." She stared up at him. "They're on mile six of at least ten. He'll go until he drops or they do." She went to soak with a sigh. "I'm not even getting to help destroy things today. I should pout."

"What?" he called after her.

"Flag got sent a hooker from the group the FBI uses," she said with a wave back at him. "He's not going to save us any to help him destroy."

"Okay," Bruce Wayne decided with a nod. "Glad I'm out of that destruction's path too." He went back to waiting. It'd apparently be at least another half an hour. An easy jog was an eight minute mile for him. Task Force X trainees probably couldn't do a full ten miles. Plus shower time.

It ended up being over an hour but that was because Xander helped Harley soak for a few minutes too. Bruce Wayne looked up when he heard the squealing going on. "I thought they'd have more soundproofing here," he muttered. "Just in case." He shrugged, going back to his company's stock portfolio management for now.

***

The reporter looked at the camera. "It appears the president is not using the social media posts his girlfriend puts out as part of his campaign as he isn't running one," he said. "Looking at them, they're all in response to the one he calls 'the yahoo from Texas', who is apparently the senator running for president." He smirked a bit.

"Each one answers that one's posts about things he wants to do. When I did call to ask if the president was running, the press secretary said he is not and if they wanted to keep him they'd have to write him in again. Or the Colonel." He looked like he wanted to roll his eyes.

"Though with the last post put up from the Senator, if the Secret Service doesn't arrest him, I'm not sure what use they are. It was a clear and violent threat for being shown up in the area of gun handling and manliness." He looked at his guest. "This is Retired General Kadar. You've worked with the president. Is he making fun of him because he's trying to set him off?"

"Xander probably thinks he's an idiot who's waving a gun around for show. Let's face it, when Texas had a few of those battles with the portal demons, the senator was back there. He didn't step in to help. He hid. A lot. His ex-wife's testimony during their divorce said he hid and locked her and the kids out of the safe rooms." The host winced at that. "That alone proves he's not very protective of the people. As Xander is."

"Is he running?"

"He's hoping to run away from all of this," he said dryly. "It wasn't his idea to run the first time."

"That's true. The underground knew something was coming and elected him."

"Yes, but something's always coming," General Kadar said dryly. "He's hoping nothing soon so he can escape and so is Colonel Flag. I talked to him and he said he'd take it if they did elect him in again, somehow. He didn't want to, mentioned he'd rather traipse through a swamp with people who wanted to kill him as a team. Again apparently."

"Task Force X is still in business?"

"Yes. They've had a few missions in the last year. He'll quietly disappear, go do what needs to be done, then come back. He's still active duty. Which means it sucks that the Pentagon refused his rank increase he was due for the last five years running. It's very political. Which most of us hate."

"He was?"

"Yes."

"Oh." He considered that. "Will that be fixed when he retires?"

"One can only hope it's fixed before then. Because with the way the world is today, that could be in another twelve years."

The host moaned. "I didn't think about that."

"He's thinking about it and thinks an honorable death in the field might save him being known as President Colonel Rick Flag. We're having debates if he is elected do we use his title before or after his rank. Eisenhower never settled that one."

"I think you'd use his position instead like Eisenhower did, wouldn't you?" the host asked, looking confused.

"Eisenhower was retired. Flag's not."

"Point. Have the soldiers around him trained with the mini slayers?"

"The mini slayers get self defense work and that's it. They don't even start identification work until after puberty hits. Then they go back to the main house to work there. Xander's girls are getting a happy, healthy, semi-normal life to grow up in. It's a bit weird sometimes but they enjoy it.

"They skip back and forth for training time with Xander in the white house gym. They get to chase agents around to learn how to chase down a hunt. They learn a lot of subtle things but still learn school things and friend things and get him as an uncle. Plus a senior slayer as house mom and big sister figure. It's good for them."

"I can see that. They are mostly happy girls. Though one will pout greatly."

"She's just like that I'm told. She pouted at me and tried to get me to give her my knife to play dolls with." He smirked a bit. "The girls do like weapons and Xander's shown them what they are and how to be safe around them, but not use them yet."

"That's interesting. Do they pet his swords?"

"Yes. The few times I've seen it, that was the dragon their dolls were riding on."

The host grinned. "My girls would've made it a giant elephant but that sounds like girls." He looked at the camera then at the retired general again. "Do we think the one he's shooting at will make a good president?"

"No." He shook his head. "I don't think he'd be able to handle the tough things or the diplomatic things. We had to teach Xander how to use a formal place setting because he hadn't before, but he did have diplomatic ties with his service in Africa. Flag had gotten the lessons for formal military dinners.

"Xander's on good terms with the diplomats mostly. Two of them can't stand him because he does work with the slayers. A lot of foreign heads understand that both of them have a service and a duty to perform but can't do that on their own. The one in Texas has no training in diplomacy. No training in how to deal with foreign leaders.

"He can't even deal with his own people in the state legislature. Every single one of them has come out to say he's a Texan and they support him for that but not for any other reason or anything he's done. And looking at his congressional record, it's pathetic. He voted down things that would help his own people because his party decided it was a bad thing to do. A real leader would put people before the party."

"True. You would?" The general nodded. "I've heard it said that the president would've backed you if you had run."

"I did run, just the other direction," he said dryly. "I am not meant to lead a government. A group of people, yes. A government full of paperwork and needs? No. That is not my strong suit. Though it's nice he thinks I could do the job the same way he did." He grinned a bit. "I have to say, the president is pushy when he feels he has to be, or when he feels people are in his way to doing his duty.

"He pushed on us a few times to up some things he wanted to be concerned about. He was probably right to do that because in the long run it'll make things easier. Just sitting around talking to him, he's a goofy guy who knows his duty and he'll die doing it. He may not like it some days. I think that's a pretty well felt emotion about battle things. It is with mine."

"Do you think he's seen other things that need to happen?"

"I heard a few of the older slayers once joke about how the First Evil's prophecy called him the unseen seer. Because he saw things with common sense that no one listened to. I think a lot of the fighting at him is a lot of that sort." He stared at him. "Xander's looked at the government as it stands and knew it needed a better foundation, so we're stronger than a lot of others if something happens and we need to be leaned on."

The host blinked. "But...."

"If the slayers lose a battle and it falls to military control to handle it, it's going to be the US military probably. Even if it's not here. We have a twenty-three times bigger military than the next biggest one. Even if they invade Iran, we'd offer to go help.

"The way Congress was running, they'd hem and haw and shout until Iran was no more and so was most of the Middle East then authorize troops. Now, they know they have a job and it is a *job* and they have to do it. They're not getting perks from shouting for longer. They're not allowed to take corporate donations to do that either."

"So that means he made congress work as an actual body to make rules instead of make favors," the host said.

The general smiled and nodded. "Yes, he did. Because he's aware that the slayers could lose any battle. There was one he lost for two weeks. It nearly killed the western horn of Africa before he finally won it." The host winced at that. "He's realistic about what'll happen. And that was with military finally showing up to help.

"He had the right idea of what was needed and it helped each time he made them do that. The third time it ended the battle, the other two it slowed it down and helped pull it back to a tighter battlefield and away from civilians. It cost some lives but it was needed before it spread to the rest of the continent.

"We watched those films ourselves to see what sort of tactician he is. He self trained and it's apparent but he's not bad. Without superior firepower we couldn't have won that battle sooner ourselves and it would've cost the horn of Africa more losses if we had just nuked their asses the way he needed to. But he was saving that for a special event."

"Did he really give his team during those two portal battles explosives to blow themselves up?"

The general stared at him, looking like he pitied him. "They could use it however they saw best but yes. I would've appreciated that. I'd rather go and take them out with me than die to being eaten." The host slumped. "I carried some myself for that same reason. If I got overrun and was going to die anyway, I'd rather take them with me. Or I could use it on the portal, which I did because I made it there. What would you do in that situation?"

"I ...." He swallowed. "I'm not sure I could pull the trigger," he admitted.

"Some can't. Some can. Some of his didn't get to use theirs either. Others grabbed theirs and used it to throw into the masses of demons. To blow up the portals. He was smart to give them a way to not become something's lunch. None of us really want to be an all you can eat buffet."

"No, I wouldn't want that either. I'm not sure what I'd do in that situation," he admitted, frowning. "Then again I'm not sure I could fall into that battle even if had the training you do."

"Some people aren't meant to be soldiers," the general agreed with a smile for him. "It's a wise man who understands himself well enough to realize that. Some are soldiers, some are warriors. Some aren't meant to be either."

"Which are you?"

"Warrior. So is the president and Colonel Flag." He smirked. "He does his line proud. Even if he said his father was mad he got elected."

"His father was a war hero."

"So was his grandfather. His father also ran a smaller, earlier version of Task Force X that was needed for a few missions. The apple didn't fall far from that tree and we're all better for it. Where the president lacks training or tactics, Flag has that covered. Whoever decided on them being a team did a good job balancing out needs."

"Can we blame them for more people swearing? I remember the president swearing at all of us for thinking him missing an eye made him helpless."

"Nope. That's gotten slowly worse since the eighties. All the drill instructors have complained about that fact."

"Oh." He nodded. "Did it impact his battles?"

"A few times if he had someone on that side he wouldn't have gotten an injury. He got that before that final battle in Sunnydale, which was to overwhelming odds. Not many of us could walk into a battle knowing we're outnumbered by sixty-to-one and in a trapped environment like a cave, knowing you had to get seven young fighters to a certain point to bleed on it, then back out. I know he has nightmares about that one still. He's had a few napping on the couch."

"They did?"

The general nodded. "That battle against the First Evil? Yes. That's what they did. They had to go into her domain, which was basically a cave structure, get seven slayers to the altar to bleed on it to trap her again, then run out. The sucking that happened afterward was apparently one of their side who had been used to open it closing it for good by bleeding on the opening."

The host shuddered. "Exactly. Slayers have a shit duty to do. The ones who decide to take it up are to be commended but again, not everyone's fit for that sort of duty. Not everyone can handle staking vampires to end their blood sucking days. Not everyone should be able to handle that. Not everyone should be a soldier or a warrior. Slayers fall into warrior more than soldier though. That's something that freaks out the soldiers among us."

He nodded. "Are there those in the current military that are more warrior than soldier?"

"Yup, and the higher ups hate them for it. They get put into places where their ways are useful but not noted real often."

"I can see that. It might lead to bad ideas with the regular soldiers."

"Oh, we have a talk about that in basic," he said dryly. "Have since the slayers came out." He grinned. "We weed those out and if they want we send 'em at the Council to see if they want to train to be watchers. Some have become good ones."

"That's interesting. Thank you, General Kadar." He shook his hand. The camera cut off and he sighed, shaking his head. "The president actually scares me. He's very intense."

"That's you seeing the warrior underneath. He does it to all of us when we have to see it. But we're thankful we have one instead of the hiding in the basement sort." He got up and left, smiling at the assistant that took his microphone from him. "Thank you, ma'am."

"Welcome, General." The wish demon stared up at him. She was in game face and he realized what she was. "Someone really could prompt him staying if you needed him to."

"Do we need him to?"

She winced but shrugged. "Not sure. No visions doesn't mean nothing's going to happen. It just means those who plan things haven't seen it. But we're really not sure."

"Then I wish the US would survive easily if we do have another huge problem like what got our president elected." She giggled at that and disappeared. He looked back at the host then shook his head as he walked off, warning Xander about that.

Xander got the text and looked up from his desk in the oval office. "If you elect me again, I'm going to hype myself up and go to a demon realm for one last trip through it with my axe," he warned loudly. "Do not even prompt a wish!"

Harley looked up from where she was outside the office to guard him but not get in the way of classified things. "Oh, no," she sighed.

Patrick was wincing but nodding. "Well, we hope they don't upset him enough that he has another fit in the gym."

"Better that than a few other ways." She considered it. "Why doesn't he have a biography?"

"Because he won't talk to anyone who could write one for him," Patrick said dryly, smiling at her. "We asked. He noped out of it and walked off chanting nope over and over."

"Oh, that reason."

"I'm the most boring person alive," Xander called. "No one wants to read about that. Hell, I don't even go out to club anymore. I kinda miss baiting vamps in a club."

"We're too old to get low," Christopher said as he walked up the hallway to join them after his gym time. "You and I are in throwing out a hip range, Xander. We're not young and pretty anymore."

Xander snorted. "You're built like that and say you're not pretty? I've always been bulky and very construction worker or lumberjack, not hot." He leaned out there. "There are clubs that aren't full of college kids."

"Yes but they do things like slow dances at the VFW," Harley said dryly. "Not my sort either, snookums." She grinned. "And you're pretty enough to be with me so quit having the low self esteem, both of you." They nodded, Xander going back to his desk. Then he brought something for Patrick and tossed it down, going back in there. "Bad news?"

"New bill from congress. His post it says 'no way in hell I'd sign this piece of shit'." Patrick put it aside and called someone on the Hill to talk to them about that.

Christopher sat down beside Harley. "You good? You're hiding."

"I'm fine. I'm having a moody day." They shared a look. "The girls are hiding and having a girl day. They thought I was a nice mom figure."

"I guess you are to them. They need the bit of insanity you can teach them to survive."

"Point." She nodded. "That's not so bad. Xander, are the girls okay?"

"One lost her pet gerbil."

"Oh, that reason," she said with a nod. "That's fine. Did they have a gerbil burial?"

"Yup." He came to the door. "I went up for it but you were soaking out your girl mood." He grinned. "Someone asked me if you were having the change already."

"I don't think so." She frowned. "I'm not that old."

He shrugged. "I know enough about them to know what it is and to be scared of it, or to describe it if I have to talk to one of the slayers. How would I know? Even though Willow used to insist that boys would have periods too I never got one." He grinned at the moans from the other two guys. "She convinced the teacher that they should have one. It'd drip out of something. Maybe a tiny hole in our balls.

"She wasn't sure about that part since she'd never seen one. Oz didn't say she looked too hard either." He went back to work. He came back with another file. "Set that on fire and hand it over please. Dumbasses want to end the foster care system and not remake it so it's better for the kids." He went back to his desk.

The two semi-villains shared a look then sighed. The more they heard about Willow the more they weren't sure if she had been sane. Or good for people.

***

Harley woke up with a gasp, staring around. "Fuck!" That woke up Christopher but not Xander. Which was odd. He patted her on the arm until she looked at him. "I got to talk to Willow. She still thinks he's nothing but normal."

"That girl was blind. We're lucky there's not a world where Xander did get given to the Squad." She nodded, laying back down. "Consider it a nightmare, Harl."

"Yeah, it was. I was throttling her when I woke up. She fled before I killed her."

"It's a good reason to be mad." She nodded, curling up between them. They both looked at Xander when he just laid there. He poked Xander. No movement. She checked and nodded he had a pulse. They stared until Xander slumped and sighed then sat up to get dressed. "Big problems?"

"Giles just died," he said quietly, staring at them. "We were having a talk."

"I had one with Willow."

"She joined us eventually to nag that I shouldn't be here. When I told her why she pouted and said you're mean. I shooed her back to her afterlife. Can you guys bring the girls tomorrow? Let me have a few hours to get straightened out the Council hierarchy? Because right now I'm second in command."

"Yeah," Harley said. She got up to give him a hug. He cuddled back. He gave one to Christopher before pulling on jeans and a shirt, then his sneakers. He hesitated over bringing his axe. "Bring a gun," she said quietly. "You may need it to protect the girls."

He nodded. "I may." He did his morning arming and left. It'd hopefully be enough unless he had to grab from the armory. It was a quiet flight back, commercial since he had snuck off. No one bothered him. They didn't really recognize him he guessed. He took a cab to the slayer house and nodded as he walked up to the gate.

The two there sneered. Xander put a hand on the fence and the protections wrapped around him and then went silent, accepting him. He walked through the gateway and stunned those two with darts. "Hey. Long time no see," he said dryly as he walked past them.

Inside two watchers were waiting. "How did you do that?" one demanded with a point.

"Shaman training. Did you think I just quieted down the possessions? No, I'm a fully anointed shaman. Healing, protection, all that. And I'm here to do the rites for Giles then talk to you guys before the girls get here tomorrow." He stared at the one who was technically in charge right now. "Are you going to claim it?"

"I don't want to," he admitted. "I know it's me, you, Henderson, who you darted outside."

"Yeah, he's a dick the last I knew. The slayer bulletin boards have been full of he's a dick complaints."

"I saw. I...." He looked at the others. "They'll hate me in charge."

"They'll hate me worse." Xander smirked at them. "Did Giles change the stated order, carved in stone in the library?" They stared at him oddly. Xander led them to it and spilled blood on it so the spell came up. "Hey, Jacob, we're behind Janus right now."

"Janus is taking over?"

"I'm pretty sure Janus is here in spirit no matter what," Xander said dryly. He said a prayer and that name faded, leaving it with the stated order and Giles' will. They looked at the others. "He did it that way for each head and each of the Sunnydale team. I had to carry Buffy's into the courthouse for her probate." He looked at his, which was split. "Nice try." He activated his and it lit up on the air instead. He looked at them. "Where's Drew?"

"In his rooms," another one said. "Oh, dear. I forgot Rupert had done that. He said he wanted to see it recently, held it a bit, stroked it then decided not to change it." He canceled out Xander's, making him smirk. "Andrew will be fine while you're in DC."

"Jacob will do fine and the girls will complain to me if he's not," Xander assured him.

The man nodded. "True." He looked at Jacob, who grimaced.

"Sometimes we get called to duties we don't like or enjoy," Xander said dryly. "Just ask me about mine so far." A few snorted. "I do not like being president, people. And I don't like being away from my chosen duty. That shit sucks. This shit sucks too by the way.

"I had a talk with Giles on the astral plane. At his calling." He gave one a pointed look. "He realized you helped the cancer along. Really. Though Willow did show up too to complain her trying to tell my girlfriend I'm normal nearly got her choked to a new death."

Jacob burst out laughing. "I can see that. Your girlfriend is quite mean, boy." He looked at the others. "Apparently it's mine now. We'll let Xander do the proper burial rites for Rupert then prepare for the funeral tomorrow."

Xander nodded. "The girls are coming back today."

That got a nod. "He's at the funeral home."

"That's fine." Xander nodded. "Which one? Can a cab get me there?" They all nodded so he gathered what he needed to go do that. It was one run by the local community. The one they had been using closed due to the family dying out. He centered himself and started with the prayers and the washing of the body.

The funeral home's people let him do what needed to be done. Xander spotted one kid and winced but went to wish him well on his next go-round too. He had everything with him to do that. "Was this one fighting an illness? I see a port."

"He had cancer. He didn't last long."

"That made him a warrior due to be blessed." Xander went back to it. Even if the parents didn't appreciate it, the kid's spirit did because Xander got to bow to him and wish him well. He turned and found Giles watching. Giles patted him on the cheek before fading. Xander finished up and kissed him on the forehead.

"You have a good afterlife. Go nag Buffy and snog Joyce," he said quietly. He stepped back, looking at them. "Giles said he's not to be cremated like the slayers. He'll stand guard." They nodded at that. "The same as I will be."

He left, going back to the house. He ran into Faith and hugged her, getting one back. They could handle things with Andrew for now. When the girls got there, he led them into the living room with the other girls, who all looked upset. The littler ones looked confused but did cuddle the upset older ones to make them feel better.

"Ladies, have you heard anything today?" They all shook their heads. He sighed, sitting down in front of the tiny ones. Then he pulled one crying girl over to hug. "It's all right. Giles had cancer, ladies."

"Had?" one of the slayers asked. Xander nodded. "No! Nononononono!" She got up to stomp off but Faith stopped her to hug her. "He can't die! What'll we do now?"

"By Giles' will, Jacob takes over," Xander said calmly, looking at her then at the others. "Then I'm second-in-command and Faith's actually third right now with Perison. Jacob restated the order earlier by text." They all groaned at that. "So I'm still doing my job and my duty to you girls," he told his tiny ones. They all nodded.

"But it's a bit more paperwork for me to do daily now." He looked at the others. "I've already done the death rites I needed to do. The funeral's tomorrow. Unlike the slayers, he's wished not to be cremated. He'll sit in the same tomb but as a guardian. That's what he wanted and what he wrote," he told the crying one. Who nodded at that. "That way no one bothers them in the afterlife."

"So he's running the dead version of the Council in the afterlife. Probably still nagging Buffy about her heels," Faith agreed. They nodded at that, calming down some. "We're here to cuddle and talk to, ladies. Even for the tiniest of you." They hugged them and went to talk with ice cream. It was how slayers got taught to grieve. Faith looked at Xander. "You good?"

"Had a talk with him before I flew up." He stood up. "He was most peeved it happened already. He had lunch in two days with someone he wanted to nag."

She snorted but looked amused. "I get that. Let me go get my own ice cream." She patted him on the cheek before walking off. She came back to look at Harley then at Xander. "I thought you got run away from blondes thanks to B's nagging."

"She's not the usual blonde. Neither one is." He grinned.

"Hmm. Yeah, I can see that. They're good for you, X." She went back to the kitchen to dig into the ice cream stash.

They hugged him and went to help the girls with that. Harley was still a therapist, she could help them process the grief going on. Christopher just gave great hugs so the girls cuddled him. Though he did have to avoid a few pinches that Xander glared at the pinchers about.

***

Rick Flag walked into the white house a few hours later, shaking his head. "He did not run away. One of the Council died," he noted when he ran into the Chief of Staff. That one winced at that. "He did sneak off to go handle the change in command. To do the burial rites Rupert would need."

"The head of the Council died?"

"Yes." Flag nodded. "So he went to handle that. He just didn't leave a note. Harley said she did leave a note on the apartment table."

"A maid found it. It said they had to run to the Council," Patrick said from his desk. "I told him that. Is he okay?"

"Bit sad. Giles was apparently a father figure to much of the Council. He's got the girls there with him."

"That's good." Patrick made notes. "He's got three diplomatic meetings today, Colonel. And one meeting with congress later."

"Reschedule that one for him for next week. Give him time to grieve too. I'll handle the diplomats I guess."

"Thank you."

Rick went in to look at the desk, see what notes Xander had made. He usually made himself a little outline of what he was going to talk about. They were all sitting there. Of course, the big phone rang and he answered it. "It's Flag. No, he's out for a funeral for a few days, General. Problems?" He listened then nodded.

"He left to go to that one, yes. I'm here filling in. I'm sure he has his phone. If not, Harley does. I called her earlier to check to see what was going on." He listened. "That's fine. Let me know if I need to fill in." He hung up and went back to looking at the stuff on the desk. Patrick came in with his scheduling book for the day. "That one hates me." He tapped a name. "I had to take out one of his upper minions last year."

"I've made him aware that you're here and not Xander due to a funeral. He said that's fine." Rick looked up shaking his head. "So maybe you can snark at him too."

"True, I probably could." He smirked a bit. "Thanks, Patrick. If I'm going to be shoved over here, I'm keeping you if you want. Even though this might be my villain origin story"

"I wouldn't mind." He went back to his desk. It was great news.

***

"Patrick, do you have some sort of mind control machine?" Xander called.

"No, sir. Why would I?"

"Because you seem to have left something on my desk that shows I may not be able to escape this hell without killing myself somehow."

Patrick sighed but smiled as he walked in there. "They are trying to keep you, sir. General Kadar's talk with some news person pointed out what you're doing for stability. It appears that it'll be you against the yahoo. Some very extreme people like him."

Xander stared at him. "Are you actually a villain, Patrick?"

"No, sir, and I'm just giving you reports from those who're hearing it from others. If I was a villain I'd want your seat and I never want that."

"You sure? Colonel Flag and I may end up getting hyped up on something and taking weapons to a demon plane to invade so we die a heroic death to spare ourselves four more years. In the old days I could've just used some mountain dew and candy. Now it takes a bit more than that but I can find that."

"They'd stop you from buying that stuff, sir."

"I can have one of the slayers find me something."

"Point. Still not a good idea for the US or the world."

Xander stared at him. Then sighed. "But then I wouldn't be in hell, Patrick."

"Suits aren't really that sort of torture. Though you do have a white house visit coming up." Xander moaned, shaking his head. "And if you are elected, you'll have the balls again." That got a whine. "It's you or the yahoo from Texas, sir. Which do you want."

"No way in hell. Can't we slip in someone? Or give it to Rick?"

"No, sir. He'll take your axe to beat you with it like it was a bat." He went back to his desk trying not to smile. "Do you want that one to win, sir?"

"No!" he shouted. "Damn it! The world may end if he's in here!"

"We all feel that way, sir. That's why we're writing you in."

"Great! Fuck!"

"I'll let them know you're looking for them if you want."

"No. They can't cuddle away the knowledge of all this shit."

"I know, sir." He did send his male lover a text message saying Xander was moaning about them writing him in and it would probably be him versus the yahoo.

In the meeting, Peacemaker looked at his phone. Then huffed. "They're saying it's you two or the yahoo from Texas, Flag."

"Fuck no, the world doesn't deserve that! Even the assholes who still hate slayers don't deserve that!"

He grinned at his boss. "So....."

"Damn it! We need to have a pact to get ourselves out of this." He paused. "I can retire."

"He'll kill you," Deadshot said, looking amused. "Or he'll make himself ineligible somehow and strand you."

"Don't event tempt that thought," Rick ordered with a point. "He does that to me and you're going to be put in charge of the department of education."

Deadshot winced. "I don't think I'm qualified for that."

"So? You'd make education more equal." He stared at him. "I could put you over the navy."

"Eww! Don't threaten me that way! Damn!"

Christopher laughed. "Xander threatened me with being over the head of the Secret Service and Harley over the department of commerce when we laughed at him complaining about being here."

"I can make and handle money, I know very little about education. We'd have to switch," Deadshot shot back.

DuBois shook his head. "I'm not naturalized, he can't do it to me."

"Xander threatened to adopt a girl and make you her personal bodyguard," Rick told him.

"At least she'd probably like to have fun. More than he does."

"He threatened to go club," Peacemaker quipped. "I pointed out we're too old for that. One of us would throw out a hip."

DuBois shook his head. "Don't mention how old any of us are. If we feel too old we'll be slower on the mission." He looked at Rick. "What are we doing this time?"

"A strip club in the midwest is taking people hostage to change them into mutates and slaves. Or we can go handle a warlord that's trying to take over the middle of Central America for them."

"Central America," they all said.

"It's a male strip club," Rick offered with an evil smirk. "Some of you could do that."

"No we can't. The only one of us that probably has experience stripping is Xander and he said he sucks at it."

"He did?" Deadshot asked, looking confused. "He seems too uptight."

"Apparently there was a post-graduation roadtrip and the witch that used to plague him blew up his car in Oxnard. He was working in the kitchen but had to fill in a few times." Peacemaker smiled. "He said he sucked hard at it. Has little rhythm."

Rick nodded at that, then went to yell in the hallway.

"With the way they've probably got us bugged, do we want this to be talked about by others?" DuBois said.

Peacemaker grinned. "Xander will take it out on me by giving me hickeys. He knows I hate them. Or he'll make me wait while he makes Harley loud again to punish me." He beamed. "Can't wait."

Rick came back. "Let's get back to the mission. Before I lose my mind for good and start to laugh like I'm Harley's ex."

The others nodded, getting into the mission details.

***

Harley slid into Xander's lap that night, staring at him. "We can't worry about him. He said he'll be fine. It'll be fine. And if he dies we'll get haunted."

"I'd have to fix that. I am a trained shaman, Harley."

She leaned back to look at him. "You are?"

"I are," he agreed happily. "I learned to control the possession stuff. I am officially noted and trained. From the healing on." She hugged him again. "Thanks."

"If he haunts us, let him. He'll be amused at all the pouting I do."

"You and me both, princess." He stroked her back, letting her worry for now.

***

"Sir, do you give your lovers lap dances?" a reporter sneered.

Xander paused to look at her. "I have better skills than I did at eighteen but no. They haven't asked." He smirked at her. "You know, bugging places is illegal for you."

"I got it from an agent!"

"Then that agent's going to be missing his ass soon. Which agent?" She ran off. "Boys, find out which agent gave her shit they got illegally." He waved a hand. "Before I do."

"You can't torture anyone," another reporter complained.

Xander stared at him then smirked slowly. "You'd be shocked and yes if I have to I can. Did you think I put on the battle skills just for that?" The man shrank away from him. "That's illegal, what she got and the agent doing it. I can and will have her arrested and her source.

"Because that's spreading classified information since that came out during the colonel's last mission prep probably." The agent whined, shaking his head. "Which means they're both in trouble and I'll know which agent it was so I can handle them as well."

"Not like the Secret Service does shit," one of the guards said. He was a new Squad guy, another shooter but not really great because he had some ethics. "We guard him and the colonel more than they do."

Xander nodded. "I appreciate you guys doing that for me too. You guys are good to guard me so the colonel doesn't get inconvenienced that way." He winked at him and walked off again. By the time he got home, his text to Andrew had him sent the bug destroying device so he could ruin all the ones in his apartment. For good. It'd stop others from showing up. Including the one in his phone, which killed the phone. He went to hand it to Patrick. "The bug killer killed it when the bug died." He walked off again.

"I'll get you a new phone, sir." He looked at it, finding the bug in it. He went to talk to the head of the security team. "The president has said that your bug in his phone made the phone die when he killed them all. Isn't that illegal?" He waved the phone. "I have to get him a new phone. Do you have the criteria list for it?" It was found and handed over. "Thank you." He walked off.

The head of the security team called that in. He had no idea about bugs on the president's phone. Didn't that let out classified information? The director of the Secret Service had no idea about that either. Interesting.

***

The head of the Secret Service came to the white house, looking for his team. He found two agents. The usual amount of military guards but only two agents. He went looking for the president. "Where's the security team, sir?"

"One's with the minis while I took a call," he said, looking up from making notes. "He's overseeing them doing leg presses for me." He stood up. "Otherwise, no idea. We have two or three at all times. That's all I have usually. Since the day I had to spank you guys."

"No, you should have a team of eight at all times, sir. Both teams should plus the three on the mini slayers."

"I've had him filing out manpower reports," Patrick said, bringing in the new one. "Here you go, Director. We send this to your office very week the way your predecessor wanted us to."

He looked at it. "You're supposed to have more than this, Harris." He looked at him then at Patrick. "Always?"

"Yes. Also, he had to replace his phone due to the bugs dying in it."

"I killed all the bugs in the presidential apartment," Xander admitted. "We know they had the Squad's last meeting bugged because Chris mentioned I had stripped once and an idiot reporter got told. She tried to pick on me so I let the Squad member I had on guard with me handle her to find out the agent she told. I was just talking to someone about that." He handed over those notes. "I've got to watch the girls do leg presses."

Patrick nodded, following him. They heard screaming and rushed in. Xander hit the guard in there who had a gun in hand. "Ladies, this way," Patrick ordered. "Let's get you to safety. Is someone hurt?"

"He threatened to so we'd be better soldiers," one of them said.

Xander looked at the guy he had hit. "Really? We'll gladly fix that problem." He looked at them. "Has he hurt one of you beyond that? Honestly, ladies?" They shook their heads, staring at him. "Have any of the guards done something mean or said mean things to you guys? They know they're not supposed to and I can gladly go spank them or something if you let me know."

"No," one said, shaking her head. "One of the squad guys said we'd all be like soldiers some day but he was sorry we had that duty. We told him we still got to be girls and he was happier about that. But he did tell us he'd teach us how to survive doing all that stuff."

"I can accept that. I'll make sure they all know they have to be super protective of you guys. Go watch movies with Eagley and Brucie for now. We'll be up in a minute." They went off with Patrick to make sure they were okay. Xander looked down at the agent, who was trying to move away from him. "You were doing what with my minis?"

"They're...."

Harley leaned in and turned on the tv. "I had the security cams rerun up here, sweetie. Let me go help the girls."

"Please. And check on Eagley. He looked pretty sad yesterday."

"Of course." She walked off to go help the girls. Eagley did look a bit tired and weak. Xander and the head of the Secret Service had a long talk with that agent. That was one unhappy director.

When Xander came up, he gathered Eagley with him to go to the zoo. He could sneak around easier than anyone it seemed. Someone tried to stop him so he grabbed the kid's bat to beat him with it. "I may use a sword or an axe now but I did start with throwing rocks and a bat." He hit him again. "You wanna try it again?" The guy whined and shook his head, crying while holding his shoulder. "Good." He dropped the bat and walked over him, grabbing Eagley to carry into the zoo.

"Oh, are you rehabber?" the vet tech said. Xander took off his sunglasses. "Um...do we know you?"

"Yes, dear, I'm the president. Eagley sees a vet around here. If we can see him real quick? He's not feeling too good today."

"Let me call someone." She called the head vet and the director. Eagles weren't allowed in normal hands.

"Mr. Harris," the head vet said, coming in. "Is he injured?"

"Really run down, kinda slow and slumpy." He handed him over. "His human is on a mission right now."

"Okay, we can look at Eagley. I know he's getting pretty old." He took him to an exam room, Xander following. "How's his diet?"

"He had a mouse last night. We let him chase it around the living room. He didn't get real excited but waited to catch it when it came back out of hiding."

"That's very tired sounding." He pulled over his stethoscope. "Can you hold him?"

"Of course. I like to cuddle with him. He gives great hugs." The vet looked at him. "He does. Eagley, can I have a hug? He doesn't believe you're that smart." The eagle crowed and hugged him. "Good boy." He petted him while the vet listened to his chest, frowning some. "Bad?"

"Bit raspy." He turned the eagle around carefully to listen again. "Be easy, Eagley. We're trying to make you feel better." He nodded. "Bit raspy lungs. Has he had some snot?"

"Not that I've seen. I did hear a sneeze but I wasn't sure if it was him or Harley. They sneeze the same way."

"Okay." He checked his eyes with a light then nodded. "It sounds like a mild respiratory infection." He smiled at the worried man. "We can give him some antibiotics for it. Has he had them before?"

"We feed him a vitamin stuffed up a mouse each week. Well, Chris feeds him a special vitamin shoved up a mouse each week. Something to keep his bones stronger he said."

"That's not a bad idea." He got what he needed. "We're going to give a shot now and a few pills to take for the next week. You don't have to make a mouse eat it. You can shove it into some ground meat like a meatball instead."

"Okay, though that's not how he does that." He grinned a bit. "Grossed us out too but he at least wears gloves and stuff."

"I don't need to know that. Though I'll keep it in mind if we need to use that trick." He gave Eagley the shot. "He's a bit thin too. Give him a lot of meatballs tonight. Get him some sun too if you can."

"He and King Shark can hang out by the pool. It's heated and has skylights," Xander said.

"That'll be fine. That shark guy?" Xander nodded. "I didn't know what his name was. Does he see a vet?"

"I have no idea. I haven't asked and his last injury I just bandaged for him."

"Okay. How's Bruce?"

"Being mass cuddled by the minis. One of the guards was mean to them earlier so they're cuddling him while laughing at movies. Harley hates to let them watch monster movies but they really love Godzilla. They laugh and talk about how the bigger slayers take down bigger than that."

"That must be fun for them." He handed Xander the pills, getting a grin for it as they went into his pocket. "Use all those. If he's not better in five days, let us know and I'll come see him. And Bruce so you don't have to talk him into the car."

"Bruce is pretty great. I rented a scooter and took him on a ride with me. He really adored it."

"That doesn't surprise me about that hyena, sir." Xander grinned. "Okay, he should be fine. Make sure he's got good, cold water to drink in case his throat's a bit sore." Xander nodded, picking up Eagley to take back to the car.

The vet went to talk to the director. "Eagley's a bit run down. Looks like an upper respiratory infection so I gave antibiotics. That shark guy is King Shark. The president isn't sure if he's ever seen a specialist vet or a healer or anyone. He said last time he just bandaged his wounds for him but he likes to hang out in the warmed pool at the white house."

"That's good to know. The hyena?"

"Being mass cuddled by the mini slayers while they watch a movie, possibly Godzilla because they think the big slayers would handle it easily."

The director of the National Zoo smiled at that. "That seems like fun for them then. But he'll be fine?"

"He should be fine for a few more years. He is getting old. He's at the statistical age for ones in the wild. In captivity....he maybe has another few years."

"That's fine. They'll let us know. The president's good about helping them."

"That was the president?" the girl who had met him at the door asked. They both nodded. "I thought that one guy, the colonel was."

"He's the VP. That eagle and a hyena are the pets of the president's lovers. That one belongs to the guy they call Peacemaker. They grew up together. The hyena belongs to Harley Quinn, who got him from an exotic trafficker but she did release the others she found so their zoo in Gotham could pick them up."

"Oh," she said then nodded once. "Is that allowed?"

"Special circumstances," the zoo director said. "If not, we'd have offered to take them both in for their senior years."

"The head of the DNR was very amused by that but it'd do more harm than good to take them from their owners right now," the vet agreed. "They're both very bonded and the humans are very good at worrying about them. If there was a hint of abuse we'd have already taken them in."

"Okay." She nodded, making a note for later people.

The president walked out and around the officers. "Guys, he tried to mug me," he said dryly. A few cops glared at him then did a double take. He grinned. "He had a bat, tried to hit Chris's eagle friend." He carefully put the eagle in the back. "There's your perch right under your claws." He wrapped one around it then let him go. "There you go, Eagley." He closed the door and stared at the cops. "I didn't hurt him too badly. Did I?"

"I'm not pressing charges," the guy sobbed. "He's nuts and I'm not pressing charges against him."

"Okay. Thanks, dude." He grinned. "Try one of those job training places soon. That way someday you can talk to kids just like you and teach them how to escape too. They won't listen to guys like me because I'm not from there. They'll listen to you because you are from there. So start something to give the kids an example."

He got into the car, making Eagley yell. "I know. I'll turn on the music in a minute, Eagley." He started the car and turned on the music, some quiet folk music, then drove off carefully so he didn't hit anyone. The eagle liked that apparently. It 'sang' along with it. The officers shared a look and just nodded at that, handling the rest of the clean up and then going to tell others.

***

Xander leaned into the kitchen that night with Eagley still in his arms. "Hey, Jacques?" he called. That cook looked over at him. "Can Eagley have some raw meatballs for the next few days please? He's a bit thin and he's got some antibiotics he's got to take in raw meatballs if you can manage it for him please?"

"I can do that, Mr. Harris. Feel better, Eagley." The eagle cried and Xander grinned, walking off with him. He went to tell the head chef. "The eagle needs some raw meatballs for the next week please. He's got to take some antibiotics for a few days and he's a bit skinny according to the president."

"We can send up a few each night," he agreed, smiling at him. "And some stuff for the mice again too. Is it all right?"

"He said some antibiotics."

"So probably nothing too bad." He nodded, making himself a note. "He'll probably eat three or four a night at the most. Maybe every two days. I'll ask him when I bring it up." He went back to the dinner he needed to make for the staff buffet.

***

Eagley got to go see a local witch about a week later. He still wasn't feeling too good. He sat down across from the witch, who was giving the bird an odd look. "I know but his daddy's on a mission," he said quietly. "I can't have him die. He's seen the vet. He's got antibiotics. He's not healing very fast."

The witch nodded, testing him. "He's not cursed. He does feel very old, Harris."

"He is. But I've got to help him last as long as his daddy does."

"I can't link their lives. The bird will probably expire years before your boyfriend does." Xander gave her a pointed look. "I can transfer some of your own life energy to him to heal him a bit faster."

"Can you please? That'd be great. Can you do the same for Brucie too? Even though I didn't bring him?"

"Perhaps. That would mean the girls are left without you for two years."

"Or I die in a battle," Xander said dryly. "Which will probably happen. I am slower than I was at eighteen."

"True."

"I've been working on a few of the new watchers to turn into my protege. And I do have a protege coming up. I got him from the Squad and he's not bad. He can do the job and be safe around the girls, plus protective." He grinned. "He's got a slayer in the family somewhere I'm pretty sure."

"Will they like that?"

"The fact that his father gave him to a militia? Probably not. But it does mean he can handle the artillery needs they'll have." She nodded. "Besides, they're probably going to die before either of us, Bethesa. They're still going on what amounts to 'if you die, great' missions."

"Point, boy." She sighed but did cast the spell for him. It healed Eagley, made him a bit more chipper. "Keep him on his antibiotic. He's got crud in his lungs. Bruce is healthier but you may want to get him checked. I think he's got a bone issue."

"I can bring him in for a check if Harley won't." He leaned over to kiss her on the cheek and pay her. "Thank you." He looked at the eagle. "C'mon, Eagley. Your daddy's calling tonight." Eagley screamed loudly, spreading his wings. He grinned.

"Exactly. You know he's getting into trouble without us. I may have to go on a rescue mission." He winked at the witch's daughter as he left with him, talking to him about how to go rescue his human. He fed Eagley his nightly antibiotic meatballs and then settled next to Harley and Bruce, who were reading on the couch. "I think it's about time for his checkup, isn't it?"

"I saw him glow. What did you do?"

"Leant some energy to heal them a bit. Give them a bit more pep." She put down her book to glare at him. "I'm probably going to die in a battle, Harley. Or well after you two and them. Do I want to spend that time alone?"

"No," she admitted then huffed. "I'm still yelling later."

He nodded. "We might need to get him scans. The witch said she felt some sort of bone infection when she did the healing energy."

"Fuck!" She hopped up to pace. "It's after five. The zoo's probably closed."

"I checked at a red light on the way back. The head vet guy will be in Monday. I told him what the witch said. Eagley still has antibiotics for another week because of lung crud. We can do a sedation and scan on Monday. So no eating from midnight on Sunday for him." He pulled her closer to hug. "It'll be okay. Even if he's majorly sick," he said quietly.

"I'm not sure I can handle that."

He nodded. "Me either but we'll handle it because we love him." She nodded, resting against his chest, pulling Bruce up to cuddle. She was sad in advance, and mad at Xander for that. He checked his watch. "He didn't call?"

"No." She looked up. "They're fine. Ricky would tell us if not."

Xander nodded. "I hope so. I'd hate to deal with a rescue mission."

She nodded. "I'd go on it."

He grinned. "Yes we would."

"You can't both go risk yourselves."

"Yeah, suck me, dear. I've been down there to beat a few drug czar sorts to protect the slayers on duty." He texted one of them, who told him what had happened and who was bragging. "Huh." He nodded. "Okay." He considered it. Then he knocked her out. He winked at Bruce, who lapped his human's face.

"You watch your mommy for me," he said quietly. "Let me go help the other daddy sort, Brucie." He petted him and Eagley then went to change clothes and grab stuff from his emergency bag. Then he decided just to bring the emergency backpack. It was the smaller emergency kit but very deadly.

He locked the door and went to make a note for Patrick. "Handling a problem near a slayer. Out of touch, help Harley," he muttered as he wrote. Then he skipped off to the Colonel's house, grinning at DuBois since he hadn't been able to go. He had been throwing up for the last day.

"He's going to kill me," DuBois said when he spotted what he was wearing.

"Only if he gets away from the execution squad. You want that?"

"No." He went to change and came down to go with the idiot one. "Does anyone know?"

"I left Patrick a note I'm going to handle something near a slayer." He called in a debt. "I'm going to handle it. Get me a flight please. Me and DuBois. Thanks! Then go watch my baby slayers. Yes, I did say that you're safe around them. If you suddenly become unsafe I'm going to make you a greasy spot then sell you to a poker debt." He listened. "Great! Thanks! Let me know!" He hung up before he could complain again. "I've got a protege. He's a bit rough around the edges. The girls are giggling at him."

"Poor guy."

***

Xander snuck into the jail, after he had helped take down all the guards. He blew the main door.

Rick looked up at the explosion, then sighed. "We're rescued," he muttered. "Which one did he send?" DuBois came in and he relaxed. Then he saw his worst nightmare. "What the hell, Xander?" he demanded.

Xander grinned. "My past date thinks that you're not mean enough to be mine and he was. He's wrong and I proved him wrong. With an electro spike up the ass when he demanded some Xander lovin'." He grinned. "So you're free!" He blew the doorway switches. "Go, Forest, Run!"

Rick slapped him on the head. "Dumbass! You can't do that."

"Shut up before I take over this country and make it Xandertopia! Then make you my heir here too!" He walked over to kiss his boyfriend. "We're going to destroy the armory depot after I loot it. Have fun on your mission, dear. Talk to me on the way home. Eagley's got a lung thingy but has antibiotics."

He skipped off. "I need to loot weapons," he told the guard standing there with a gun, which was hanging limply. He grinned. "Did you remember me from beating your last boss for bothering a slayer? Here I am again, handling something trying to hurt a slayer! What a coincidence!" He shot him in the leg.

"You mention this and I'm going to make you a slave to something with multiple tentacles to please daily. Am I clear?" The man whined but nodded, starting to cry. "Great! Help the colonel!" He jogged off. "Laters." He slowed down once he got to the normal areas, not getting much attention.

A few people glanced at him but he stared at one and they looked away and shook their heads. Xander paused at that stand to buy a soda. "Dude, I'm so not here," he said quietly. "Even if God begs you in person I'm not here."

"No, you're not here," he agreed quietly. "Slayers?"

"Boyfriend actually." He grinned and winked. "A past one and a new one wanted to meet. I won." He walked off sipping his soda, taking a cab to the part of the city with the armory. Which he nicely looted then blew up. Which was a great diversion for Rick's move to handle that problem. It meant the National Military finally realized they had a problem starting.

The slayer in the area looked up at the explosion then sighed and nodded. "Xander's nearby," she told her mother and aunt. Who just nodded. "Probably his ex-boyfriend who tried to take over the country kidnaped him." That got another nod at the next explosion. It was too far away to worry them.

***

Xander made it back Monday to be with Harley for the important scans. He walked into the zoo, nodding at the guys. He found Harley watching the scans going on, pulling her closer to cuddle against his side. She stared up at him. He shrugged. "They're fine. He's going to not be able to complain because that would let people know." He put an arm around her shoulders. "Anything bad?"

"Small tumor," the vet said, looking back at him. "In one leg bone." Harley nodded, looking sad. "It's not terminal at this moment."

"Treatments?"

"Even in normal cats and dogs, chemo isn't very effective," he sighed, turning to look at her. "There's a lump on his tail too."

"That's probably where the girls said he had a sore and it's a zit looking thing he won't let me pop for him," Xander said.

"I can do that in a minute." He looked at Harley again. "Usually, in dogs they say to amputate the limb to keep it from spreading. In his case, that's not the best idea. He'll live for probably at least another eight months that way before he gets too bad. It's not time to have the euthanasia talk yet. Not for at least six months probably. If he breaks that leg, it'll be time to have it." She nodded once, but leaned on Xander's shoulder. "To be honest, hyenas in the wild tend to live about five years less than he has."

"I know. Still sucks."

"It does to all of us. I hated having this talk with the vet my own dog goes to." He stood up to pat her on the shoulder. "You've taken excellent care of him. He's even a bit chubby." He smiled. "He's clearly spoiled and loved. He knows that." He went to pop that tail sore. "Just a few ingrown hairs." He cleaned it out and let it heal. He gave the reversal and let Xander carry Bruce to the car. He made notes. It'd not be in the next few months but it'd be soon.

Harley turned to look at Xander once Bruce was on the couch, taking him outside to stare at him. "What did you do?"

"I went to talk to my ex, who had the current lover hostage."

She frowned. "That was your ex?"

"Stress relief yeah, nothing serious. Basically I blew him a few times to get weapons and once to keep myself from stroking out after a battle." He put his hands in his pockets. "Then I went to loot for the slayer arsenal."

She blinked a few times. "You did what?"

"How did you think we get weapons? I can only play so much kitten poker these days, dear."

She huffed, stomping off then coming back. "We're talking about this later."

He nodded. "I figured you would. Girls do that."

"I'm not a girl!"

"No, you're a full blown woman and they do that too."

She scowled but stomped off again. "Talk to your assistant. He's fussy."

"I told him to help you if you needed it."

"He did." She went into the pool house and slammed the door. Which broke. "Oops, my bad," she called.

"I can fix it later," Xander called. He went to check on the girls and the pets, then his assistant after changing clothes back into Presidential Xander attire. "What?" he asked his assistant since Patrick was giving him a funny look.

"Where were you?"

"Talking to my ex who had my present boyfriend hostage." He grinned. "It was a handy talk."

"Um...." He looked around then at him. "You can't do that!"

"I did do that. It was necessary before I had to go overthrow him for touching what's mine. He heard that just before I handled the issue in my own way." He smiled sweetly. "Anything else, Patrick? Something happen while I was gone?"

"No, sir. It was very quiet. Just a standard Thursday, Friday, and weekend."

"Good! I knew you'd handle anything and let Harley make some decisions or call me. Or Rick if she couldn't get me while I blew up a jail." He walked off. "No talking about it, Patrick. At all. It's president's business only. Even if the ones involved want to."

"Yes, sir, I'll play stupid." He sat down and held his head. It had taken three years but Xander had reverted to the problems he had before. If he could gossip, people would be screaming at Xander. "Someday I need to write an autobiography to tell about these things," he muttered. "Just so others know in case there's another president like him."

"I'm fluent in sulky mumble, Patrick," Xander said as he came out. "And sure, once I'm dead or far away from all of this write the tell all. I'll have it be required reading for the slayers too. Take my journal to do one on me too." He went back to his desk.

Patrick put down his head and shook it. This was not going to look good on them. He looked toward the desk. "The speaker of the house was looking for you Friday. I told him you were taking a few days of quiet."

"I was. Mostly." He called him. "It's Harris. What was going on that wasn't important enough to disturb me but was important enough for you to travel the few blocks this way?" He listened, leaning back in his seat until he almost tipped over. "Oops, sorry, chair's mis-set and I nearly tipped."

He sat up again to listen to him complain about something. "Then next time, make them have sense, Reynold. Sense is good for the US and others. Before I make a wish to have costumed superheros from another universe brought here." He grinned.

"I know. So have some sense, redo it so it makes good sense, and then send it to me again. Yup, you have a fun week. Remember, you can nag too. You tried it with me, you should try it with them." He hung up and went back to his paperwork like the mild mannered idiot he was.

***

Rick stomped back into the white house after he had gotten back. Hadn't even showered yet. He walked past Patrick. "He in the gym?"

"Reading in the tub, Colonel. He threw his knee out in the gym with the girls. They team-carried him up there and locked him the bathroom. Then stole Harley for shopping time."

"So he's alone in a locked room where he controls the lock?"

"Unless he snuck out, yes, sir."

"Was he gone this weekend, Patrick?"

"I'm under orders to play stupid about anything that happened this weekend in this white house until I put it in my autobiography, sir. As far as I know he was wherever he said he was."

"Interesting."

"He did note that if you complained others could hear."

"Shit," he muttered. "That's a good point." He went to check on Xander. Not in the bathroom or with the girls. Harley was with them and not in enough patience so he sent Katana and Christopher to help her. He understood why Xander got driven batty by shopping slayers. Rick could seethe for a bit longer. Until the general who had sent them on that mission called him in. "Yes, General?"

"Colonel, what happened on your mission? You were captured and released by freedom fighters or something?"

"Or something, General. I'm sure they'd consider themself a freedom fighter. It was an ex of the wannabe we were there to handle."

"Is that why there were explosions?"

"Wasn't us, sir. We were regathering to make sure his machines were dismantled the easy way. The second set of explosions was us destroying his gear."

"I see." He frowned at him. "Do you know the identity of whoever let you out?"

"Yes, I do."

"Is he former Squad?"

"No."

"Is he current Squad? We heard rumors DuBois went down that way."

"That one did bring him to back him up, yes, sir."

"Are you at liberty to say who it was?"

"I haven't been ordered not to but I'm not going to divulge it as it'd make my life a living hell for a few months, sir. Sorry, General, but I'm going to use executive privilege on that matter."

"We could recruit him."

"I doubt that."

"He could legitimately belong to you."

"If I want him I can ask him, Sir. Though I'd never put up with his flirty ways."

"He flirted?"

"I have no idea how he got to that idiot being, sir. I know they had a prior relationship." He grimaced. "I'm guessing that's how he got to meet him. Otherwise, no idea. I didn't get a chance to ask beyond him noting he used an electro spike up his ass to get us free."

"I see." He stared at him. "Why do you not want to note the help you had?"

"Because I don't want to deal with the fallout, Sir."

"Was it someone like Superman?"

"No. Though I don't think he'd talk to that sort. He's definitely on that side of the fence however."

"Was it the president?" he asked dryly. "Or someone like him?"

"Someone on similar levels of anti-hero. Yes. Which would make my life a living hell."

"Is our president going to squeal over him? Like a fangirl?"

"No. He's not really squealy that way. He only squeals when he's tickled apparently. I didn't want to know that but Harley shared."

"I didn't need to know either." He waved a hand. "Fine. Go. Shoo. Deny all existence of that mission."

"Thank you, sir."

"Talk to that one, see if he'll come in to help your team."

"If I need him to I could ask. But I don't want that hell either." He went back to his place to rant at his safe room, which had no bugs in it. He made sure first.

***

Xander came back from doing a few repair things, and working a few hours on a habitat project, to find Christopher on the couch petting Bruce. "Did she tell you he's sick?"

"No. She hasn't. I was going to yell at you."

"I was being good. Here all weekend. Patrick will assure you of that."

"What did you do to get a private audience with him?"

"I showed up." He grinned. "He wanted and I didn't take the bait. I drugged him in front of his guards then carried him off. Which I've done before. They just looked away because they didn't want to know. Then I nicely lubed up my electro spear and used it on him to make him sorry for his stupid shit.

"I'm well aware of why you guys were sent. He tried that on one of the slayers too and it didn't work. She got free thanks to a few demon contacts and warned us all. Which is probably how the general found out." He stared at him. "I didn't cheat!"

"I didn't think you did." He stood up with a sigh, staring at Xander. "I know you didn't cheat with intent to cheat, Xander." Xander relaxed at that. He hugged him. "I'm still going to yell about you risking yourself. You can't do that. It's not right for you to do that.

"We're finally solid and none of us can do that. In fact I probably can't go on many more missions. Neither can she. Once you're out of here, none of us are going on missions outside battles to help the girls." Xander nodded that was reasonable. He hugged him. "How's Eagley doing?"

Xander looked over. "You good? Did you get your meatballs?" The eagle called out and spread his wings. "Good boy." He grinned. "He had two vet visits. He's still got some crud in his lungs. You hide the antibiotics in his meatballs and I did the same with his special vitamin too."

"That's fine. Probably easier than shoving it up a mouse." He sighed. "What's wrong with Bruce?"

"A pea sized tumor on his leg bone." Christopher winced but nodded once. "The vet said probably over six months," he said quietly. "I was with Harley when they scanned it. He said it's not time to have that talk yet, it'll be after he breaks that bone."

"Which makes good sense. We'll make it a happy last year or however long." He looked at his buddy then at Xander again. "I know he's getting old too."

"Harley's going to tell you that I risked a year of my expected lifespan to donate to each pet."

"That I'm going to complain a lot about."

"I'll probably die in a battle long before then."

"Hell no you're not!"

Xander sighed. "I can't fight the same way I did even five years ago, Christopher. In another two years we're going to have another major apocalypse battle by the usual patterns. And I'm going to be right there beside my girls. Even if I'm in a wheelchair I'll be handling artillery."

"I...." He shut his mouth and swallowed. "I don't want to think about that, Xander. I don't want you in danger. I don't like being in danger, I don't like Harley being in danger. You should have less than either of us. You're a good guy and they shouldn't be handling those things."

"Well I do and some dictators would disagree with you that I'm a good guy. I took out a few militias on my own." He got free. "It happens as it does and that's my duty. The same as yours is on the Squad."

"I... I know that," he said more calmly. "But I don't want you to risk yourself."

"And who do you think is going to take my place?"

"There's other watchers now." Xander stared at him. "Okay, they're not good at it, but they can help. Military guys and agents can help. Hell, we can all help!"

"I expect that kinda, yeah." He nodded. "And I'll be in the same battle you are at that time. The same as I was at that last apocalypse battle."

"Point." He turned and kicked the coffee table. "Oops."

"I'll get a new one. It's not one of the antiques. I had them move that one before I tripped and broke it." Xander sat down and petted Bruce since he had woken up to them arguing. "It's okay, baby." He looked up at his boyfriend. "You aren't going to be able to keep me from helping the slayers. At all, Chris."

"I know. I understand that but I hate it."

"So do I. Even when you and she go out to do dangerous stuff I hate it. We all hate it, but it's the reality we live in. It's not like sitting at home waiting is any better! We all hate sitting at home waiting for the next thing to fall."

"Point. I'd hate that." He sat down on the hyena's other side, petting his head. "It's okay, little guy. We're not really fighting. He's being a butthead about things."

Xander snorted, staring at him. "Really?"

"Really! What if you got caught?"

"Rick was free by then."

"He'll kill you for that."

"Uh-huh. He'll let me have one last kiss first too." He smirked. "I do what I have to do."

"Most leaders would hate that."

"Well, I don't have one of those. Giles died and not like he ordered me into battles anyway. I've done what I had to do since I was sixteen and jumped in. This is the guy I am. And I'm sorry if that's upsetting. I do try not to die. That is the first slayer rule and I live by it."

"I know." He pulled him over to sit in his lap and went back to petting the hyena. "You drive me nuts."

"I don't try to."

"I know. Still do it." He relaxed, looking over. "Come cuddle if you want." Eagley came over to cuddle in on his shoulder, nudging his chin with his face. Chris petted him too. "You're a good boy too, Eagley. Thank you and Bruce for watching over Harley for us." They petted both pets, making them happier. They hated the trio fighting.

Harley came in and collapsed. "I can see why they drove you nuts shopping. Cute but practical is apparently out this year again."

Xander nodded. "I make sure they can move in them by making them do two jumping jacks and two push ups."

"We did," she said, rolling her head around to look at them. She sighed. "He told you?" Chris nodded, patting Xander's lap. She slid in under her hyena's head, petting him since it was now in her lap. They all cuddled together, Eagley chewing on her pigtail. "Thanks, sweetheart." She petted him too. "You're a good boy. You and Brucie both." She rested her head on Christopher's shoulder and sighed. "I'm so bored," she said quietly.

"Me too," Xander agreed. Chris nodded he was too. "Want to go out? We can go to dinner and then bar hop a bit."

"The guards will stop that," Chris said.

Xander looked at him. "No one recognized me on the flight down or at the zoo."

"Really?"

"Really." Harley nodded. "They recognized me and not him."

"Huh." He grinned. "I don't want to get too drunk."

"Then you're the designated driver." Xander smirked. "I don't drink real often. Usually only that one anniversary, which is later this week." They hugged him. "But yeah, we can go party a bit. We just have to sneak out." They got up to feed the pets, dose the meatballs for them, and then shower and change clothes. They managed to sneak past most of the guards. Only one caught them and he huffed but followed. He'd bail them out if he had to. Probably. Maybe.

The president did get into two bar fights, and Peacemaker got into one too. Harley broke a few hands that tried to grope. When they snuck back into the white house, no one noticed even though they were loudly giggling on their way to the pool area. They dove in to play for a bit. King Shark was napping beside it but he just grunted and rolled over.

"We have to get Ratcatcher here to visit him again," Harley said, looking over at his grunt. "I'll call her tomorrow." She waved a hand and got back to teasing her lovers. It was fun.

***

A few days later, someone showed up to sneer at Xander. "Sir, drunken behavior is not really what the president should be known for."

"Last night was the anniversary of me losing the guy I had known since before I could talk," he sneered back. "I spend that anniversary of me starting to hunt drunk most years. And the two I didn't I had battles that I was particularly brutal in my grief during." The guy flinched back, shaking his head. "If you don't like that I have that anniversary, fuck yourself on the way out of the white house and don't bother yourself about coming back." He stared at him. "Anything else you want to talk about today?"

"I meant at the clubs, sir," he said stiffly.

"We're not that old, we deserve to have some fun. Not everyone waltzes for it like you do, dude." The man winced at that. "My fun isn't your fun. The white house has a few things like the movie theater but that's really boring after a while too. We do have some life left in us."

"Your lovers should still be in jail. You're letting them run wild all over."

"Yeah, they're my bodyguard team too. They have to go with me when I go out." He stared at him. "Again, not your concern."

"It looks bad."

"No, the UK's PM holding parties at his residence under lockdown looked bad. It's been four years since I went out to have fun. I think I'm allowed every now and then. If you're not, there's the damn door," he said with a point. "Don't let it hit you on your last visit here." The man huffed off. "Patrick, he's not allowed back."

"He's a member of congress, sir."

"Oh, fucking well. His people had bad taste to elect him. I'm not putting up with sneering assholes even on a good day."

"Yes, sir." He looked in there. "Advil?" he offered.

Xander snorted. "I'm fine. I don't get hangovers that way. I get a bit of light sensitivity and my sinuses run. I don't get nauseous and a headache." Patrick nodded at that, going back to his desk. Xander grimaced at the paperwork then texted Rick about Ratcatcher. Rick agreed to send her down to hang out with him for a few days and to warn him if he was going to do something stupid like bar hopping again.

He answered back it'd been years, they were all bored as hell out here, and oh fucking well if someone didn't like them having some life in their life. To tell anyone who complained that. Rick agreed he had and to take something for the hangover. He pointed out he didn't get hangovers. Christopher had one though. He and Harley were babying them on the couch with the pets right now.

***

Xander went out to meet the visitor. "Hey, girl!" He hugged her gently and smiled. "This way. He's got a guard's room but never uses it. He said it's too tiny."

"What? Colonel Flag said you and the minis need me, sir?"

"No, I had you sent down here for someone else." He smirked, leading her to the pool area. He pointed. "He wanted to see you."

She looked. "Oh!" She ran over to hug him.

"Friend!" King Shark cooed, hugging her back. "Thank you, Xander."

"Welcome, dude. She's got four days here. Introduce her to the minis sometime but the rest is up to you two. Go do fun things." She nodded, taking him to talk to him about what he'd been doing. Xander went back to his office. That same representative was there sneering. "Didn't I ban you from coming back due to your shitty manners?" he demanded as he walked up the hallway.

The representatives with that one jumped at that. "You," he said with a point. "Go the fuck away! Now please! You're not welcome in this house." The man backed off slightly, looking horrified but the guards escorted him out. He looked at the others. "Okay, so what's up now?"

"Sir, we want to go over a bill we're proposing that may not see bipartisan support," one said. "Is he really in trouble?"

"The sneering princess wannabe? Yes." He led them to the meeting room to go over that bill. He put in his view of it and they agreed others may see it that way but it wasn't what they wanted. Xander told them why it was a bad idea and how that would impact things like taxes. They pouted about that and he gave them a better idea on how to frame it so he wouldn't automatically turn it down. Which would raise the taxes on the companies they were trying to create that law for.

They hated that idea. He grinned and pointed they needed a lot of public works fixed. They had to do it somehow and that cost money. So did their paychecks. They pouted about that but went to talk to others in their party and house of congress. Xander went back to his office shaking his head. Patrick held up two notes. He looked at them. "The minis have the flu?"

"Yes, sir." He grinned up at him. "Or so they said when they called up to call off running up here time as she called it. They're having the flu with Samara, the senior girl that took over the house for you."

"Samara's pregnant, not having the flu." Patrick winced but nodded. He read the other one. "Oh, that's nice. I'll call Jacob in a few minutes. Let me talk to my minis. Heading up there. Ratcatcher's here to visit King Shark and they're probably still in the pool area."

"That's fine, sir. I know he's been sad and missing someone."

"Her. They're buddies." He used the tunnel so no one would complain and went up to the slayer house. He walked in and heard throwing up. "Samara, try some ginger ale or some munchos chips," he called as he walked in with a head shake. "It's the only thing that cures morning sickness. Better than crackers because they're lighter but more salty."

"I've tried ginger ale. It's coming up now," she called back.

"It happens to all of you pregnant ones." He looked at the minis, who were all in the living room coloring. "I hate to say it but she's not sick, girls. She's pregnant." They stared at him, looking confused. "She's going to have a baby. The baby will make her sick for weeks." They squealed, going to hug her for giving them new friends to play with. He grinned, calling Jacob from there.

"I'm at the mini's house," he said to whoever answered. "Jacob wanted a call? It is Xander, yes. No, Samara's pregnant and throwing up. The girls are helping her celebrate the toilet." Whoever got Jacob. "What's up?" He listened. "Yeah, Samara will need a new slayer to take over duties for her, but maybe not the house yet. No, she's pregnant." He listened.

"She's allowed, Jacob. We do allow the girls to have a normal life if they want it. I have met her last boyfriend. He ran from me because I did a background check. I have no idea and I didn't ask and I doubt I'll be asking really. Many of the girls have found a convenient dick with sperm when they really wanted to be knocked up, even if they weren't in a relationship.

"That's how half the slayers have kids because relationships seem to happen very oddly around us, and generally not happily. They had some sort of talk about that with Faith once. Well, Buffy was dead by then, Jacob. Yeah, that talk. I used to have a yearly talk to them about that stuff. They know they can be moms. That's part of a normal life for many people.

"The same as we had one who got pregnant in high school so she graduated that way and went back to her parents' home by her own choice. They know they have to make plans, tell us those plans, and then make sure how it'd change their lives. Giles had that talk with them too. I have no idea who she told. Samara, who did you tell you were going to do this?" he called.

"No one. I had an oops. I already had a talk with the girls about making a choice to be pregnant instead of just letting it happen randomly." She came out with a cool cloth for her forehead. "I called Sarah to take over for me."

"That's fine," Xander agreed, giving her a one-armed hug. "Having a kid or not is a choice all of you have to make for yourselves. Slayers are allowed to have normal lives. Of course, that means you're off rotation and only the house mom."

"Yes I am. Even if I didn't feel miserable."

"And you've got to have prenatal care," Xander added.

"Of course I do. I need to go to the one who takes care of the girls who have pills."

Xander looked at the minis then at her. "Are you going back to Cleveland?"

"No. I forgot about that."

"I'll ask someone to recommend for you, dear." He listened again. "Yeah, those things, Jacob. She said Sarah. Sera in Brazil, Sarah in England, Sarah in Egypt, or Sayrah who's retired? Or Sara, the about ready to graduate one?"

"Egypt's."

"The one in Egypt, Jacob. Sure. No, the girls are helping her celebrate by having the flu with her." He grinned at them. "Which is fine. They've had a lot of work to do. Yup. Soon. Thanks, dude." He hung up. "She'll be recalled in a few minutes, when he finds that house's number. You, rest for now. Try sorbet because that's frozen fruit juice." She nodded at that idea. He hugged her. "Let me know if you need my hand holding or anything. Okay?"

She nodded. "I will, Xander. Let the minis fuss."

"Go over baby stages with them so they know what to expect." She nodded. He grinned and patted a few girls. One pounced him so he hugged her. "Be good for her. She's really tired and kinda sick feeling. Okay, ladies?" They all nodded. "Good." He put that one down.

"Let me go ask someone about an OB for her. I have no idea where one even is since I'm not a girl so don't go to see the doctor for girl things." He went back to the white house, grinning at Patrick when he spotted him. "When you get a few, can you get Samara an OB suggestion? The girls are pretending to have morning sickness with her."

"I can do that, Xander." He smiled. "Is she okay?"

"In the middle of puking. They'll have sorbet later."

"That's more fruit juice so better for her," he agreed, going to get his lunch.

"Thanks, Patrick. And call your sister. Each time she calls you to talk you're busy for some reason."

"She wants to nag."

"She could show up."

"Point. I'll call her in a few minutes, Xander." He went to do that on his lunch break. "I'm on lunch," he said happily as he ate. "No, I'm eating. I thought we'd get to talk finally since I've been busy the last few times. The president reminded me to call you back. No, looking up an OB for one of the girls around here. No, not that one." He ate and listened to her complain about their mother. "You know how I feel about her, Safho. Exactly. She could use some meds." He ate another bite and chewed.

***

The Press Secretary walked up to Harley, clearing her throat. "Ma'am, the rumors going around state I should probably schedule you an interview so they can ask nosy questions about the father of your child?"

Harley looked confused then shook her head slowly. "It's not me. I'm on the IUD, Xander's infertile, and Christopher's snipped."

"We've heard Patrick was looking up OB's?"

"Samara, the head slayer for the minis, is pregnant," Christopher said as he walked past them.

"Oh! Okay." She smiled. "That's great news. I'll stop that rumor going on then. Um, they will want to cover the presidential balls."

"I'm not going to any ball. My name is not Cinderella. I may want to look like a princess but not that kind."

"He'll have to go. They'll want him to start off the ball with a dance."

She pointed up the hall. "Chris can do it. I don't dance that way. I get down in the club dance, not polite people dance. Then again, so does Xander." She frowned but then grinned. "It's fine. If we have to talk about that we will."

"Okay. Just let me know?" She went to stop that gossip. She called the main one. "It's the white house press secretary's office. The president's girlfriend is not the pregnant one. It's one of the slayers who's pregnant. So you can quit panicking people please? Thanks." She hung up, going to look on on the pool when she saw people in there. "You two go eat!" she ordered. "You're both looking skinny!"

"I...." Ratcatcher said.

Harley leaned in a minute later. "C'mon, I'll show you where the caf is, you two." They huffed but followed her. She pulled them into the cafeteria. "Feed these two please? They're Squad," she told one of the cooks. "This is Ratcatcher and King Shark. She's been with the main slayer house to protect them for Xander."

"We've sent him food to the pool area so he didn't have to feel uncomfortable around some of the idiots we have in the white house's staff portions," the server said happily, getting a fin pat back. "Are you a vegan, dear?"

"No." She shook her head. "I've been on the slayers' guard team."

"Eat burgers or fish?"

"I guess."

"Then we can feed you that today." He went to get them food and let them eat until they were stuffed full. It was good for them both.

Harley left them to eat, going to talk to Patrick. "Somehow they got you finding Samara an OB to me needing one?" He nodded. "Wow. Nope, won't happen!"

"That's fine, Dr. Quinzel. It's not my choice either. I'd look terrible pregnant."

She leaned down. "Xander once told me not to say that around the Devon coven because they had helped a same sex male couple have a kid from their union." She grinned and patted him, going to check on Xander since he was head down on the desk. "Did you have an aneurysm?"

"No. There's idiots." He let her have that paper.

"She asked. I told her it was Samara."

"That's good."

"She asked about the balls too."

"Ewww!"

"Not my call. You made it through the last one."

He looked up at her. "I wasn't dating then."

"True. Take Chris." She walked off looking happier. "I made the kids eat."

"Okay, thanks." He put his head back down with a sigh. There were still idiots. It was giving him a huge headache.

***

Harley looked at the suit Xander was putting on for a dinner event at an embassy. She sighed. "Who made those fit that way?"

"The tailors."

"They should be fired."

"I like how they fit. It means I can move easier," he complained back.

She nodded. "That's more the material than the fit, Xander." She sighed, rubbing her forehead. "You need to look good. Better than good."

Christopher looked over. "It is a bit slouchy."

"Which means I can move in it. The pants being a bit loose means I can hide my thigh holster inside without notice. There's a hole in my pockets so I can grab my holy water or dagger if I have to since they don't like me to openly carry."

"We can use some spy gear style stuff," Harley offered.

"I'm not spy material, dear. I'm bulky. I'm not suave. I'm fairly obvious."

"Yeah, you are," she agreed but smiled at him. "We like you that way but that suit does not fit right."

He sighed, going to change. This one was a bit tighter and showed the holsters. He gave her a pointed look then went to change back. "It's fine."

"We're fixing that somehow."

"Sure. Let me wear tac pants all the time." He took kisses, petted the pets. "Don't forget Eagley's last night of antibiotics."

"Of course not. I already got meatballs sent up."

Xander frowned. "When?"

"Earlier."

"Check them first? I had a poisoned burger show up suddenly Monday." He left after grabbing his wallet. It wouldn't fall through the holes. He went with the new guard today, DuBois. "They hate how my suits fit."

He looked and nodded. "Bit sloppy," he noted.

"I'm not that good and it hides the holsters."

"Guns?"

"Dagger, holy water. Left thigh is holy water."

"Not bad since they hate you carrying a gun." He took him to the car and went with him to the dinner. Thankfully Xander wasn't expected to speak tonight. It was just show up, talk to the diplomats, chat pleasantly, not make the US enemies. Not complain about the food.

Xander ended up next to a diplomat from one of the countries in the middle of Africa. Who he joked with about how it compared to the stuff he had eaten in the villages down there. That one was pleased with that. Though the guy was clearly confused by who Xander was.

"Mr. President," DuBois said quietly, making Xander look back at him. "The slayer texted that she's out on patrol because she heard someone's going to cause problems on purpose." Xander sighed but nodded. "She'll text when she hears who."

"Okay. Let me know if she does need help. I have a kit in the trunk like usual. Unless someone removed it."

"I can check when we go out there."

"Okay. Thanks, DuBois."

"Welcome." He stepped back.

"You're the president?"

Xander grinned. "I get that a lot. Everyone thinks Rick Flag is because he's prettier on the posters but no, he's my second-in-command." He smiled. "We're trying really hard not to let the US fall."

"I've seen some of the ads," he admitted. "Good luck."

"Thanks." Xander grinned. "Of course, no one's paying attention to the blatant threats some of those ads have become. Which I'd like to see changed but they don't really seem to care." He looked back. "Oh, no, he's not Secret Service." He smirked a bit. "The colonel sicced him on me."

"Ah." He nodded. "That's good of him." He dug in. "When were you in our area?"

Xander grinned. "I'm the same Xander Harris that used to be the watcher in Africa."

"Oh! I had not realized. Sorry!"

"It's okay. I didn't get a lot of public attention then. It was bad for the girls."

"It would be." He nodded and they chatted about some of the villages until the phone went off again. "Your girl will hopefully be safe."

"Even if I have to make sure of it." He took the phone to read. "Which I apparently do." He wiped his mouth. "Excuse me," he announced. "I have to go help DC's slayer with a problem. We're about to have a slight clan fight that'll destroy about a block and she's alone." He put his napkin down and followed DuBois out to the car. He checked in the trunk.

"Only the one sword. It'll work. I'll let you know if you can fire on them." He drove them to that area. He knew the map better than DuBois did. He got out and got the sword from the trunk, strolling over. "Sarah, my dear, you called?" he asked, undoing her from the pole she was tied to. "Okay, people. What the hell is going on? The first thing I knew Sarah was telling me there was about to be a gang fight."

"She should not interfere!" one shouted. "Nor should you, human!"

"I'm the same damn White Knight I was before, bitch. The only way there's going to be a fight here is if I'm in it. That would be bothering the city and we don't allow that. Use a fighting ring if you have to but *damn* that'll stop me from saving her and the people around here from being destroyed. I doubt the matriarch who clearly lives at the other end of the block needs to redecorate."

The two gangs looked at each other then at him. "Why are you here?"

"Slayer," he said with a point. "Who was told you guys were going to be problems. So she showed up to check. Are you going to be problems for the normal demons on this street?"

"No," one said, shaking his head. "We need to have a fight but we're not going to destroy things!"

Xander pointed. "Three explosive snot shooters. Two who were modified by their own drug use to shoot flaming snot instead. One on that side's a shooter of nails that're poisonous. You guys could do a lot property damage and I doubt that the rest of the neighborhood wants to deal with that.

"There's fight rings and clubs. Go use one." Both leaders nodded and then tried to attack him. He beat them both pretty badly without using the sword to defeat them. Xander stood up at the end. "Does that mean I'm in charge of your gangs?" he demanded.

"Xander!" Sarah called from the car.

"Sit there," he ordered. "This is a machismo thingy, Sarah."

"Yes, Xander." She shrank back down again.

Xander looked at them. One moaned. "Xander?" Xander smirked and nodded. "No, Knight! We were not going to cause problems for the others in the neighborhood. She just charged in."

"I got here and you guys were fighting already and knocking down power lines," she complained, stomping over. "No one wants to be without power!" They groaned. "All I got told was a major demon street gang fight was going to happen and ruin the block. You guys were proving it when I got here."

Xander looked at her. "There's fight clubs they could get this out at. They might even let them have a night to themselves so they could have a real brawl." He wiped at a spot of spit then glared at the one who had done it. "At least you took me from a formal dinner," he said dryly. The guys moaned and sat back down.

"In the future, if you want to have that sort of fight, use a fight club or a fighting ring. Something that won't make the regulars in the neighborhood call a slayer to handle it. Or try mediation or gay sex to solve it. It works when I fight with mine. Any other problems to discuss tonight?" They shook their heads. He nodded at one staring demoness. "Matriarch, are you all right?"

"Yes, Knight. We're fine." She smiled. "We have no idea who called a slayer."

"Me either. It was just a male grunting voice, ma'am. I didn't want them to knock down the power lines so people are without power. It could cause a lot of problems."

"It could, Slayer Sarah. Thank you for the kindness, dear. You weren't trying to take them out?"

"No. Just knock them out so I could figure out what was going on and they could quit risking others." She stared at them. "I announced myself before I stepped in too." They nodded they had heard her. "If you had told me that I would've called Xander to see where a fight club is."

"It's about two blocks that way," he said with a point. "Though I haven't been in over a year. And you did not hear me say that," he sighed.

She looked at him. "Uh-huh." She looked at the matriarch and smiled. "Can you settle this or should I set up a card table and hold a mediation meeting like I did in Egypt's marketplace?"

"No, dear. I can handle these pups." Sarah and Xander both bowed to her. "Have a better night, children."

"Maybe," Xander quipped. "As soon as I get out of the suit." He walked off with her to the car.

"But they're demons! In my neighborhood!" one human complained.

"It's their neighborhood," Xander said, glaring at her. "You're just living here."

"That's called gentrification," Sarah told her. "And it's wrong and racist of you. They have the right to live in their own neighborhood and even have arguments. I'm sorry your world is full of hippie white people but the rest of it isn't. You don't like it, move! We respect all peaceful life, even yours." She stared at her. "If you called that in, stop it." She got into the back of the car.

Xander nodded. "I agree. This is their neighborhood. They've been here since before it was DC. You moving here won't change that. Ever. They're allowed to be in their own neighborhood. You don't like that, move."

"It's my neighborhood now!"

Xander snorted. "I doubt that, kid. Go home. Become less of a problem." He went to the car. She tried to lunge at him so he turned and put the sword against her throat. "You wanna try that again, kid?" He stared at her. She shrank away from him, starting to cry. "Go. Home. Now. I'll be warning the local cops about you." She ran off. He looked at the matriarch. "Is she causing you problems?"

"Many but she's the first one of many. We have a few other humans but they're nice. They're the ones who called me."

"Good! I like that." He looked at the cop showing up, nodding at him. "There's a whiny girl sort who lives on this demon block who complained they were having a fight. Got a slayer called on the regular stupid kid argument. I've solved it and she tried to demand that I take them out."

"We saw on the local cameras, sir." He looked at the demons. "Is that fight done?" The matriarch nodded. "Then let's clear the street so they can repair that pole, beings." They went to do that. He looked at the president. "Were you going to cut off her head?"

"Only if she made me. I don't like to take out whiny ones, only evil ones. Trying to do whatever it's called when white people move into ethnic neighborhoods then feel entitled is wrong but not fully evil. Until they start calling you guys because they exist."

"We've seen a few, sir. We'll handle her and her problems."

"Just make her move. People like that are miserable neighbors." He walked off. "I told them how to find a fight club to mediate gang issues that way."

"Not a bad idea. I need to suggest that for the human ones in the area."

Xander grinned. "It works that way too, but they may have to ask. The only ones I know in the area are demon fighting rings." He shrugged but smirked a bit. "They may set aside a night for them to fight."

"They could, yeah." He nodded, letting the president be driven off. He looked at the other officers. "Looks like we've got a gentrifier, people." They nodded, going to talk to her about her problems. She really needed to move.

The demons went to gossip about that with the normal humans in the neighborhood. The president really was a forceful asshole but an honest one and a just one. They were right to have him elected and to keep him in there for the next term too. Even if he will complain loudly about that.

Maybe they should talk to to the president's lovers about that. Have them help that nice colonel find one too.

***

Xander looked around the ball. The girls had all, every single slayer in the world, pouted Harley into coming tonight with him and Christopher. Most of them had done it in person, even a few flying in from Europe, but the rest sent videos to her. A few had even kidnaped her to go shopping. So she looked fantastic.

The dress was midnight blue with a slightly dipping collarbone height neckline but was fitted perfectly to her body all the way to the draping back that barely covered the top of her butt's swell. The bare back had just a hint of glitter body spray applied so your eye was drawn to all the bare skin.

Christopher's body was meant for a suit. His tux was fitted to his muscles and he looked great. People were drooling on them. Xander... "I feel like I'm at the prom redo," he complained quietly. "All I need is Anya nagging me to listen to the ways she could handle the people in the room."

Christopher looked at him. "The one you nearly married?"

"She got rehumaned just before the prom so she talked me into taking her. Then she left for the graduation battle so she wouldn't die too soon before coming back again." That just got a nod. "This feels like the prom again."

"At least your suit fits this time," Harley quipped. "The girls did good getting you to a better tailor. You look like less of a dork than usual."

He blew a kiss. "I can't move in this if I have to."

"I'm here. You don't have to," Christopher said happily. "And the Colonel's here in another corner scowling at people to make them leave him alone." He looked at Xander. "Which one of us do you want to take out for the first dance thing?" Xander shrugged. He sighed, looking at Harley.

"You do it," she said with a hand wave. "It'll make you two look hotter to dance together. I enjoy it, others will enjoy seeing it on the news. We won't have to worry about that one guy's ghost. It's stupid he blew himself up by accident trying to create a new video showing he was more manly than you are, Xander."

He nodded with a sigh. She squealed when she saw who was coming up to sing the first dance song. "Oooh, Canary! Thanks, Xander!" She hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. "Go dance. I'll hang out with Canary for a bit then come back."

"Okay," Christopher said with a nod. He held out a hand and Xander took it with a smile. "We do look hot."

"We do," Xander agreed, leading the way out there. He nodded up at Harley's friend, who he hadn't told her he had asked to sing tonight. He swung Christopher in to dance with him.

Up on the stage, Canary smiled at Harley, singing for them. It was sweet! She had seen those videos and nearly drooled on them. Now she could see it wasn't edited at all. Christopher spun Xander out and took control of the dance with an evil smirk. Xander just grinned back and let him handle it for now.

Xander looked up at the sudden gasp, staring at the doorway. "Wow, not the night to do that, dude. Go the fuck home please!" He smiled and waved. "You're interrupting a mushy moment and I'll hate it when I introduce you to your guts so you can name them."

"I got this," Harley called with a hand wave. She came out to get Xander's sword from his back holster up his spine. "Thanks for the lending." She walked over there, glaring at her ex-boyfriend. "Really? You had to ruin his night?"

"You need two to take my place?"

"Hell no, we both wear out Xander. He's got *stamina* and I can't handle it on my own." She took a swing at him and he laughed but her back swing got him in the shoulder. She smirked. "Not like I didn't train with him." She kept going until her ex backed away from her, hands held up, grinning at her.

Peacemaker shrugged and pulled a gun, shooting the idiot in the nuts. "There you go, sweetie. Have fun!"

"Tell us when you want help," Xander called with a wave. "I've got something on hand of course."

"Harris," Flag ordered. "Hand it to Peacemaker." He pulled out the shrunken thing to hand over. Peacemaker moaned at it and let it grow, staring at the idiot. Who turned to run.

Harley looked at herself. "At least I didn't get messy." She took a napkin to clean off the sword and hand back. Xander put it back into the holster and kissed her, taking her to dance with next.

"Hey!" Christopher complained. "Where's mine with her?"

"You get me next," she said with a blown kiss. "Xander can go dance with Ricky."

"No," Rick Flag complained. "Thank you anyway, Harley."

Xander let Chris have Harley at the end of that one, walking over there. "You're trying to ruin me protecting them?"

"We have half the guards in the US here tonight," he said, staring at him. "Let them feel as macho as you do."

"Fine!" A few people laughed at that huffed complaint. He shrugged at one. "I never let anyone do it when I can do it myself." He looked at Canary. "Thank you for that song," he said, holding out a hand.

"You're good to Harley, right?" she asked with a smile, shaking his hand.

"Hell yes. I promised her ex I would be." He grinned. "Ask her yourself. We'll let her hang out with you all she wants. We're not jailers. That's the colonel's job."

Canary smiled, getting Harley when she came off the floor to sit and talk with her.

Rick stared at him. "They're all retiring at the end of the year."

"We're going to all be that bored?"

"Maybe. I am."

"I tried to give you some fun. You went on a raid afterwards."

"That's not my style, Harris."

Xander waved and someone came over. "Selma, this is Colonel Rick Flag, my second-in-command. Rick, this is Selma, the former Staff Sergeant who runs the orphan's house for us." He grinned and walked off to let them talk.

Rick looked at her. "Is he trying to set us up?"

She nodded with a smile, holding out a hand. "Of course he is. He wants people to have happiness if possible." He shook her hand but looked amused until she threw him down and smirked at him. "Always be on guard, I teach the orphans that before I send them at Xander." She winked and walked off.

He moaned as he got up, going to talk to her. At least she could match him somehow. It turned out they were a lot alike. They read the same books. Had both been raised by imposing military figures of fathers. She was like a female him but had a different duty and a dirtier sense of humor. And she picked on Deadshot for him because the guy was pouting that he was forced to be there to guard them. He got so upset that she compared him to a few of her orphans.

***

Five Years Later

***

Xander walked up to where Lex Luthor was arguing with Superman on his rooftop deck. "Dude," he said dryly. "Is this really what we need to be doing today?"

"Yes, he's infected with something so I picked up my old hobby," Lex Luthor sneered then turned around. The sneer disappeared. "Harris. He's been exposed to something."

"I can see that." He sent a dart at him, then a second right after it because he couldn't catch both, the second had magic attached. The poor guy fell to the ground with a huge thump and a crater. He leaned over the edge of the building. "Demon snot dart," he called with a wave. "Should last at least twenty minutes so someone can fix him." He stood up again, looking at Luthor. "Is being up here in that supervillain outfit really what you think you should be doing today? As the most prominent citizen?"

"They expect it of me," he quipped. "Why are you here?"

"We're having a portal event in about fifteen minutes. You're one of the three places that had the portal with those demons. Not sure if it's them or not, all the seers saw was a lot of portals and a mass of beings. They didn't see a battle so not sure if they're refugees running. I figured I'd come handle it myself though." He stared at him, giving him a pointed look. "Is that what you're wearing to that event?"

"No, I need body armor just in case." He went to put it on. He wouldn't mention that the former president was in leather pants and a t-shirt plus biker boots. Someone had clearly dressed him for their tastes today. He didn't want to speculate about which one it had been.

Xander went down there. "People, in about ten minutes we'll be having another of those portal things happening. No seers have seen it being a *battle* group. They've just seen a bunch of portals and a lot of beings coming over. It could be refugees. Please do not attack them until it's clear they're a problem!

"Otherwise you're an asshole and I have a sword to fix that for you!" The officers called that in. "We know it'll open here because something here draws portals to this area. Just like the two battle ones. Flag's got Gotham again with higher weapons. I've got yours. We've seen two to three portals this time, not totally sure." The officers nodded, adding that. He looked down. "We may need him but apparently he's fucked up."

"He's having a reaction to an exposure," Batman said as he appeared out of an alley behind him.

"Sure, I get allergies. A lot of people have allergies. Can you cure it?" Xander asked, looking at him. "And I'm shocked you're here."

"I'm heading back as fast as I can after I put him somewhere safe." He put on special cuffs. "Is that the same demon snot you used on the Joker that time?"

Xander grinned and nodded. "It even works on teenage girls sneaking out of the slayer house." Batman snorted but hefted Superman up to take him to safety for now. Luthor's cell for him would do for now he guessed. Xander grinned at the staring mayor. "What? I'm still a watcher and that same guy I was in Africa."

He went to where the portal had formed last time. Yup, this time too. He stared at the thing opening and shook his head. "If you're running from an apocalypse go to the right," he called in his best field command voice. "If you're here to cause problems, let us know now please."

They went to the right. "Okay, that makes sense." He saw an odd thing, looking at the other version of him. "That's weird. I thought being twins was weird but this is really freaky." He walked forward, stopping that him. "Hey." He smirked.

"Oh, hey!" He looked him over. "I haven't seen you at the conventions. I'm Forger." He held out a hand.

"Former President Harris." He shook it.

"Not like the other one I know of."

"Huh?"

"We hold a yearly convention of Xanders. I'll have Prez or Lavelle or someone find you to get you set up to go to that. But we're having a witch-pocalypse and were running from it for a few hours."

Xander held up a hand. "Is your Willow still alive?"

"Yeah, but it's not her. It's actually a witch in a drug haze who created the portals and the things that were making everyone run."

"Okay. Need some snot darts? Need weapons?"

"Need sense. The thing is a bitch to handle. It's driving even me nuts."

Xander looked over there then nodded and shot something at her, making her repel it, but she didn't count on the thing inside the thing coming out to grab her. "Kinetic slime and a few Lolis. It's my hell coming weapon." He grinned and let him see it. "Go fix it, dude."

"Shit. Thank you. That Enchantress spirit apparently traveled."

"Oh, hey, I know about that one. It's a possessing thing. But alien. So the normal things won't work against her. Try cryo sedating levels? Before the one in Gotham sees since it's my VP's former girlfriend?"

"Can you do that?"

"I can put her into stasis," Luthor said, coming forward. "That is Moon." He grimaced and got something carried out to him. He fired it at her and she shrieked but fell down in a coma. "It's causing some limited brain swelling but not totally incapacitating. It works on all sorts of aliens." He looked at Harris.

"He's in Gotham."

"Great. Can we end the projection she's doing?"

"Counter pulse it," Forger said. He looked at someone, who came to do that. It eased it and people started to go back. "Thanks for the temporary place to sit and rest. I'll have Lavelle or someone find you to come to conventions."

Xander and he shook hands. "Always happy to help with the bigger things." He stared at him. "You're a lot younger. I hope your life's a lot easier. Though, try to find my lovers there. They might be nice to date for you."

"Who?"

"Chris and Harley." He grinned. He showed him pictures.

"Awww. Yeah, I can see. Though I think you're in a different sort of universe than we're in. We have X-Men and Avengers."

"Oh, hey, you're a comic to us!"

"And the guy beside you is one to us." He grinned. "But I can look. We do share that as well. Some of us could really use a great lover. Wait until you meet one of the GHS us." He got the last few people back and made sure by looking around then announcing the portal was going to close to never open again. A few more came running.

"If we find more, we'll figure out how to get them back if they want to," Luthor said dryly.

"Okay, that'll work. Thanks, man." He walked back through and the portal closed. "Check the other portals to make sure they're ended too!" he called.

"They are!" Stark yelled back. "Foster's reversed the flow to end them."

"Great. Tell someone if someone's still missing. Luthor said he could get people back."

"Luthor?" Phil Coulson asked as he walked over.

"Lex Luthor. He was beside a version of me I've never met who was president of his US. That makes two. I really need to hide from that stuff just in case the third time's the charm hits me." He walked off shaking his head while sending a text message to someone.

Phil Coulson stared at his back then looked at Stark, who was shaking his head. "Someone really needs to give that boy some help," Coulson decided. "Before someone hears that idea and makes it happen here." He went to handle the reporting in and the counting of people to see who had escaped. He also ignored Deadpool muttering about how wrong that world was.

On that side, Xander heard someone going 'I'm the baddest, most evil thing ever' and looked over. "Shut the hell up before I beat you to death," he ordered. The kid tried to pull a gun and got a Batfist to the face. "Thanks." He walked off. "It's weird he was with X-Men. One of me was in a comic book universe. Wow." He went to think about that on his way back to Gotham. He needed to get some sanity infused from those he was borrowing from. Even Harley gave him some sometimes.

Batman shook his head with a sigh. "What did he use?"

"He said it was kinetic slime and something called a Loli," Luthor said with a grin. "It was slowly climbing up her as the little pink things were trying to absorb her."

"That's gross." He went to find out what they were from the classification book he had gotten off the slayers. "That's very gross," he decided when he found what a Loli was. The kinetic slime was at least natural. Lolis grossed him out.

Though he could just see Harley releasing some on her ex's gang of clowns. Unfortunately he could see how it'd happen. He had to deal with Harris in Gotham after all; it was making him want to retire and let the Robins handle it.

The End.