The Imperfect Son.







Three figures appear in a clearing. Clearly magic had helped since they hadn't been here before and there was a shining being in the center of the clearing. "Good, you're here," she said. "We need you three to restart the cycle of life."

Two of the men stared at her oddly. "We don't do shit like that," one said.

"Nor are we going to die to give someone a new life," the third said dryly. "Because the last step of the wheel of the year is a death of the Green Man and then rebirth is the first step on the new year." He moved closer. You could see a slight limp. You could see an eyepatch underneath shaggy dark hair. In the good eye, you could see anger. "I don't know who you think you are to summon us here, Lady, but hell no!"

"You don't have a choice," she said with a smile for him. "You've been specially called for this."

The guy snorted. "Doubt it. That's not why I was summoned to this realm from my home one." He waved a hand. "Already found that out with the visions." She gasped and floated backward. "Now, let's get this killing you thing over with so I don't have to explain you to Willow. Okay?" he asked with a grin, pulling a sword off his back.

"Who are you?" one of the other two asked.

He grinned. "Xander Harris. You?"

"Dean Winchester and somehow she pulled my missing brother Sammy."

Xander shook his hand then looked at Sam. "You might wanna get out of that body, dude."

"He's mine. He agreed," the odd voice said, sounding smug.

"Sure, I'm sure he did." He muttered something. The being laughed. Xander switched to the exorcism that would get Satan out of sacrificial babies. The spirit floated out while the host body choked. "I told you to get out of him. I doubt his brother wanted you and his brother together." The spirit tried to get back but Xander stood between them. "No. Hell to the fuck no as a matter of fact."

"Who are you?" Dean asked. "Just for reference. Are you angelic?"

Xander shot him a grin. "I've never been accused of that Dean. I work with slayers."

"We've barely heard of you," he said, blinking hard. "They're all girls."

"Yeah but there's trainers, watchers, all the rest of us who aren't always male." He smiled. "I'm one of the head people in the New Council." He looked at the being again. "Just go."

"You cannot stop me. He agreed to host me."

Xander turned and pulled something out of his pocket. "Got holy water or oil, Dean?" Dean handed over his vial of holy water. Xander did something on Sam's forehead, then kissed him on it. Sam blinked at him. He grinned. "Hi. Just making sure it won't happen again." The spirit surged back but then screamed when his claim was denied. "Huh, imagine how that works when you know the oldest things," he said dryly, staring at the demon. "Now, shoo. Go. Not wanted here." The spirit tried again. Xander pulled something out of his pocket and threw it on the cloud of foul spirit. It screamed in pain and disappeared. Xander grinned and waved. "Have a good trip, dear! We'll make sure any slayers who meet you want to chat." They all heard the groan. He grinned at Dean. "I work with some bouncy, hyper warrior teen girls. Always a happy thing to sic them on an enemy in that mode." He helped Sam up. "I believe he's yours."

"He is." He pulled him over to look at. "Sammy, you good?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's...he's gone."

"That exorcism was created to get him out of sacrifices," Xander said dryly. "It'll pull him from everything, including babies and sheep." He looked at the woman again.

"You're doing good helping me," she said.

Xander threw the rest of the vial on her, making her scream. "Didn't do it for you." She beat at herself. "That alone proves you're demonic. I should call Willow on you. I'm sure she'd *adore* talking to a higher being about magical rebirths," he said coldly.

"Willow?" Dean asked.

"The Red Witch?" Sam asked. "Even Lucifer was scared of her."

Xander smiled at him. "His mushy note to her gave her such a freak-out. It was fun to watch but we had to stop her from turning all the possessed beings on this plane into cute kittens like you see on the internet to make sure that none of them were evil anymore."

"Eww," Dean said, shaking his head quickly. "No one's that strong."

"Yes she is," Xander and Sam said together. Xander nodded and grinned.

The three hunters stared at the demon. "Now, you wanted what?" Sam asked her.

"You to restart the rebirth cycle."

"Um, no," Sam said, smiling his best lawyer smile at her. "I'm not into that. Sorry. Already died once."

"Ditto," Dean said.

Xander shrugged. "I don't know if I have or not. Been nearly there a few times." He considered it then shrugged. "Doesn't matter. Won't happen anyway. Begone, foul wench, before I call Willow."

"She can't get here." Xander pointed behind him. "How did you do that!"

She stepped from behind the two tall brothers. "He mentions me enough and I have a spell that makes me pay attention to what he's doing, usually because he's invoking me to handle something for him," Willow said with a smug look.

"She wanted us to do the wheel of the year, Willow. That way she could start the rebirth cycle off."

She snorted. "You're not magical, Xander. You can't do that. Normal guys can't do it correctly." She patted him on the arm. "Aren't you glad you're normal?"

His eyes glowed at her and he sniffed her neck. "Girl." She squeaked and moved behind Dean. Xander let his hyena go back to resting. He grinned at her. "Really? Am I?"

She huffed. "That's not right, Xander! You leave that hyena alone! It's bad!"

"Sure as hell helped me in Africa," he said, then pointed at her. "You deal with her. I'll get the guys back where they belong?"

She nodded. "Gladly so you don't have to do magic." She looked at her again, hands on her hips. "You picked the wrong guys to help you." The demon laughed. Willow shot a spell at her and the demon screamed. "I don't think so, woman! Not on *my* earth and since I'm part of the reason it's still going, it won't happen here."

Xander got the guys backed off, shaking his head. "Let her vent," he mouthed. "Just let her handle it for us. Then she'll feel better and introduce you to the slayers who're over eighteen so they can flirt." He winced at Willow shouting something. He looked back there and shook his head, pulling out his phone to text someone else. "Willow, you'll need Buffy and the scythe," he called before the answer came back.

"Yeah, I might. I might not. I might just chain her up somewhere so I have someone to learn from."

"Then Giles will be pissed."

"Good point." She grimaced and summoned Buffy, who had just grabbed her special scythe. "She's a demon queen, Buffy. She wanted Xander."

"That's not that unusual." She looked at Xander and the other two. "Awww, do you have a boyfriend finally?"

Xander grinned. "They're some of the hunters we've heard about and they're having an apocalypse battle. She wanted us to do the wheel of the year to bring back a rebirth."

"Not. Likely," Buffy said. "Either one. We don't allow apocalypses." She smiled. "We'll chat after this." She looked at the demon queen. "Wow, you're really not evil, are you? You didn't want Xander for yourself. You can't be that evil."

Willow nodded. "That's what I was thinking. And maybe chaining her somewhere so she could be a teaching tool."

Buffy considered it. "She'd taint the minis, Willow. We can't allow that around the mini slayers."

"No. You can't," Xander called with a grin and a wave. "My minis? Hell no!"

"See, even he knows it'll be bad, and she might just turn evil enough to want to date Xander or something."

"Good point, I guess." Willow grimaced. "So let's end her." Buffy nodded and lunged in to fight the demon. Willow helped. Xander shot at her. "Xander, no guns."

"Shut up, Willow. I'm killing the thing she's possessing."

"It's innocent!"

"It's a naga. No it's not."

"Oh, never mind."

Xander shook his head with a sigh. "Yeah, it's like that," he muttered. The spirit got killed. The naga was dead. Buffy pushed back her hair. "You two good?"

"Just fine. Little bit sweaty but I had patrol tonight anyway." She smiled and walked over. "So, guys, apocalypse battles?"

"Angels are tired. They want an end time thing," Dean said. "Dean Winchester and this is my brother Sammy."

"Buffy Summers. The senior slayer," she said with a grin, shaking their hands. "I see you've met our normal guy backup."

"Yeah, he helped a lot by getting Lucifer out of Sam."

Buffy looked at him. "Did he stick in you?"

"I found people who taught me what Giles taught you when you went telepathic," Xander said blandly. "It seems to work the same way."

She winced, easing her grip on the scythe. "I'll tell him that, he was worried." Xander snorted. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. I just didn't want to deal with her. I have a date later."

"No dating evil girls, Xander," Willow complained.

"Shut up," he complained back, shooting a mildly annoyed look at her. "At least mine are useful, unlike the stakeable one you're dating." She blinked, going pale. He nodded with a grin. "Have fun with her. I know she's from a good clan and she's a nice lady but she's not exactly *helpful* during problems. So maybe she'll be the mom sort for the minis."

"She likes being the stepmom for the minis," Willow agreed, sounding dazed. "How did you know?" she demanded, stomping over.

"Rumors," he said with a grin. "Lots and lots of rumors. Mostly making sure they know I don't have to stake her for you. I've had twenty different mentions of 'don't worry, she's not like Angel was' and other charming things."

"Oh, poop," she muttered, shaking her head.

Buffy looked at her. "She is?" Willow and Xander both nodded. "Huh. Harmless?" They both nodded again. "Then you know we don't care, Willow."

"They made sure I knew just in case," Xander said.

"That's fine. You're in Africa. How did you get here?" Xander pointed at the remains. "Oh. Well, I guess you can fly back tomorrow?"

"Or something." He smiled. "I have my ways." She glared. He stared back. "How's your latest thing?"

"No comment since he's gone." She looked at Dean again. "He's over the minis in Africa."

He nodded. "It seems to be a hard job, it's best to have someone who can handle the average and the strange things."

"The strange things want to date him so the girls realize what they are and how to avoid them," Willow said.

Xander sighed. "I'm so tired of this nagging."

"And who dated a reanimated mummy?"

"And *who* slept with a vampire and broke the happiness curse on him?" he shot back, making Buffy glare but blush. "Uh-huh. We *all* have sins in that area. Unless you want me to start shoving yours back like you do mine, shut up."

"Fine. Sorry. You've obviously got Man-MS again." She waved a hand. "Go home, Xander. We'll handle this with the hunter guys."

Xander shook his head. The situation hit him tactically and suddenly, he realized he could do something. "Okay, I've had enough," he told the sky. He walked off. "I call upon thee," he said in an ancient language, making Dean stiffen. "Those that have a life debt to me shall appear or I shall call Vengeance upon their lines," he said. Two forms faded in. He looked at the living one. He pointed. "You need to go save him from the slayers. I'll deal with your single debt later." He looked over, eyes wide. Xander smiled at him. "Had enough." Castiel stomped over to save his charge and his charge's brother from strange women. He looked at the other one. "I've had enough. It's been two days of bitching. I can't.... Send me where I'm supposed to be since you owe me like three life debts?"

He took a deep breath because this was a bad thing in the making that he had no power to stop. It was an obligation by the oldest laws they had broken. "I... I'm not supposed to do that. You were brought here for a reason, Xander." Buffy was choking and spluttering. Willow was staring in horrified awe. "Yeah, you," he told her with a grin and a wave at Willow. "Just for you to control your dumb moments. We had to deage him and a lot of other problems. That's why I owe him three and Castiel only owes him one life debts. Though it's nice he just revived me." He looked at Xander. "Sorry, Sweetcheeks, can't."

"You can and you will or else I'll still hold *three* life debts and think of what I could ask you to do instead, Gabriel."

"That's a good point," he admitted, considering it. "I'm not supposed to get you home. We're not allowed to send you until we're absolutely certain Willow's fully dead and won't be brought back."

"Then can you bring Stepmom here? Maybe he can help? He's good at that stuff."

Gabriel winced. "That's probably a bad idea.... But less harmful. I can bring your dad."

"I doubt they'd like Dad. Dad might have a temper."

"Yeah, he does. He's just quiet about it." He grinned. "He's really missed you."

"I kinda missed him and the guys too." Xander stuck his hands in his pocket. "Your choice, Gabriel. Bring Stepmom here to help get us both home, or join the realms."

"That's kind of a worse idea," he said with a wince.

A female showed up and strolled over to Xander. "Dear, you're late." She moved between him and the ones that annoyed her.

"Sorry, I got called to beat up a demon who wanted me as a sacrifice." He kissed her and smiled. "So we're having a mini hunter/slayer meeting here and I'm talking to the one who owes me life debts for bringing me here in the first place about getting some of the family here."

"We can go there," she said with a smile.

"Sure, but if you make Stepmom handle anything he's going to be really mad. He might not show it all that often but he'll be really mad and the others will show it." He grinned.

"Hmm." She kissed him again. "We can handle that. I can be a good girl and subtly make plans that'll happen long after you're both gone. Not like you'll have kids."

"I know, that whole bringing me thing made me sterile." He shrugged. "We can adopt."

"I'm not really mom material," she said.

"Dad would probably really like to be a grandad." He grinned. "He'd be perfect at it."

"I'm sure he would," she sighed.

"Let me bring his dad," Gabriel said. "Your stepmom would probably follow." He concentrated then snapped his fingers.

A blond man appeared. Perfectly pressed preppie button up shirt, in pink, perfect pressed khaki pants, perfectly done hair. Eyes that lit up when he saw them. "Alex?" he breathed.

Xander grinned at him. "Yup. I found out why they snatched me." He pointed at Gabriel. "He owes me three life debts for it."

"I'm trying, pussycat," Gabriel complained. "I can't just merge the realms or whatever."

The guy looked at him. "Who're you?"

"The archangel Gabriel."

"No, really, who are you?" he demanded more coldly.

Xander nodded. "That's the Archangel Gabriel, Dad."

"Really?"

"The prophecy read 'imperfect son of the perfect son would be the one to cure the madness that would destroy this world and the next if she did not have leashes on her heart'," Gabriel said. "Sorry, but we like to live. Most of the time." He looked at the hunters then at them. "I tried. I got overruled where he grew up. They took it from me when I tried to solve the problems. Blame...well, I doubt you can blame him, he's dead," he admitted. Xander snorted. "Fine. I know, I still owe you three but this way your stepmom can figure out how to get here so you can travel back and forth."

"Fine. I'll let it go for now. That one will stand to cancel it and the second will be you taking over my spot with the mini slayers." He grinned.

"You evil bitch," Gabriel said, staring at him in awe. "Damn that's evil. I don't like kids!"

"Yay!" He grinned. His girlfriend was laughing into his neck. "You'll have fun teaching them to be just as tough as I am. Or more, they're girls and have to deal with things I don't, like periods."

"Yeah." Gabriel slumped. "If I can do the first...."

"Then that'll automatically cancel out the need for the second." He grinned.

"Pookie, you learned a bit too much from that evil lawyer I killed so I could date you," his girlfriend said. "You need to be less evil, dear. Rosenburg, quit making him lose his temper so he goes evil please? I hate having to work the evil out of him." She smiled. "Hi, Alathandra. I'm your son's present girlfriend." She held out a hand.

"Tom." He shook it. He pulled his son closer. "Son?"

"Dad." He hugged him. "I've missed you."

"I missed you too." He cuddled him. "You're all grown up. We missed a lot of stuff. Like your prom and first dates."

"Both demons," Willow called with Buffy a second behind.

"One was a former one," Alathandra called back. "Get it right, ladies." She smiled at the odd look the father was giving his son. "She was a vengeance demon and got fired. He took her to the prom." Xander grinned and nodded. "Nearly married her."

"She died a few years ago," Xander admitted.

Tom stared at his son. "Interesting."

Xander grinned. "I asked for Stepmom so we could find a way to travel back and forth so you could meet my slayers. Stepmom can probably figure out a doorway without the jet car."

"Slayers? You need to kill things very often?" The look he was giving his son wasn't exactly pleasant but the kid just ignored it. He had clearly grown up since he had been snatched at four-years-old. His scowl used to be enough to make his son quit climbing up people to get their food.

Xander sighed. "Slayers are the ones taking out the harmful demons, Dad. I train slayers so they can take up their duties once they're older. I worked with that one," he said with a wave back at Buffy. "We met back when I was fifteen." Tom blinked at her then at him. "Bad demons means they try to take out or take over humanity."

"I've met a few beings like that thanks to Buckaroo," he admitted dryly. Xander grinned. "So you're training them....."

"To be future slayers. Yup. Which means it's more like I have a bunch of little sisters I'm toughening up so they can beat up on guys."

"You're not allowed to teach the younger slayers how to date," Buffy called. "They might want evil ones too."

"No, Alathandra," Xander said, stopping her. "Stomp on Buffy later."

"If you're sure. I'm certain she could find something to baby her injuries, Xander."

He shrugged. "I staked the last one."

"You're the reason he disappeared?" Buffy complained. "I thought it was Faith."

"She kept laughing at the pathetic, small dicked thing," Xander quipped. "She said it suited you since you went for the easy and not terribly good." He grinned at his Dad. "This is Willow and Buffy. I regrew up with Willow and Buffy's the senior slayer, Dad."

"Ladies," he said with a nod. He looked at his son. "We can get home?"

"That's why I asked for Stepmom. He could figure out a doorway without me having to ask someone higher." He heard his girlfriend mutter 'don't tempt one' and looked at her. She just smiled. "Stepmom used to help take care of me. He's really smart and a lot of other things."

"Let me set off my beacon so he knows I could use him," he said, looking at his watch.

"Here, call," Xander said, pulling out his phone. "It's spelled to reach multiple dimensions and realities. Because sometimes slayers need backup on them." His father gave him another strange look but took the phone to text home. He got an answer so that was good. He sent in his codes so they knew it was him. His last text was 'found Alex'. He handed the phone back just as something roared and showed up.

"Oh, fudge," Willow muttered pulling up magic.

"Shut the fuck up!" Xander demanded. "I'm just now talking to my dad for the first time in twenty-five damn years! I don't need your shit!" He threw something at the demon, making it scream and die. "Thank you, Goddess!" He rolled his eyes. "Sorry, that's his way of trying to 'save me'," he said doing finger quotes in the air. "So he can try to woo me." He shrugged.

Gabriel whimpered, rubbing his forehead. "Not my fault. So not my fault," he muttered. "They magnified it. Not me."

Castiel cleared his throat. "Xander, what did you coat the blade with?"

"Groog slime." He grinned. "Then I had the slime blessed."

"Interesting. I'll have to try that on one of the higher demons." He walked over to grab the dagger to examine. When two higher demons showed up he stabbed one, making him scream and his host body die while the demon fled. "Very interesting. Thank you." He handed it back to Xander.

Crowley looked at the body then at Castiel. "That wasn't nice and I was here to be pleasant and remind the young man of his duties."

"Already know." He grinned and waved. "I heard, dude. Especially with the vision thing." He stared at him. "Going. To. Kill. You. All." Crowley took a step back, staring at him. Xander grinned. "Beyond that, the further plan for me to keep Willow in check by dating and then marrying her? Why would I want to do that?"

"It seemed safest," he said.

"I like girls!" Willow squealed in outrage. "I wouldn't date Xander if I had to! I've known him since I was five! I told him about periods for Goddess' sake!" She went off on an eww fit, which Sam patted her on the back to help calm down. "Thank you, Sam. You're very nice, for a boy. Almost like a woman would help." Dean smirked at his brother, getting swatted for it by Castiel. She looked at the demon. "Who're you?"

"That's Crowley. He's taken over Hell," Dean said.

"Oh, hey," Buffy said with a grin. "Give my slayers hell, watch me help Xander destroy you all. Though I don't know how he'd do it without sleeping with some."

Xander looked at her. "Unlike getting to a heavenly realm, I can get C-4 into a hell dimension," he said dryly. Crowley burst out laughing until Xander patted his pockets down. Alathandra smiled and handed him something from her purse. "Thanks, dear." He threw it on the demon, making him scream as he disappeared. "Or I can use heavenly blood." He grinned at his girlfriend. "I knew I had you hold my spares for a reason." He kissed her, making her moan.

"Eww," Buffy complained. "Is she demonic or evil?"

"I'm of a line they can't even hope to ascend to," Alathandra said dryly, smirking at her. "I'm one of the ones over magic." She smirked at Willow, who went pale and shook her head. "Oh, yes, dear, and we're all not very amused by you at the moment. You might want to give it up again. Really. Before I strip all your powers in a special rite and give them to my pookie. He'd like having magic, right?"

Xander shrugged. "I don't mind having shaman magic now. I guess it'd be okay. I'd probably never destroy more than the idiots who annoy me and try to create apocalypses. I really, really hate battles after having so many."

She kissed him on the tip of the nose. "I know, dear. We hate them just as much. You might lose and then we're all screwed. We might have to become *good* for a while." He smirked. She grinned back. "We'd make horrible good girls. They never get sex."

"You can have sex after I'm home."

"Sure," she purred, stroking down his arm. "I could like that welcome home gift."

Tom looked at her then at his son. "Apocalypse battles?" He'd deal with the evil girlfriend thing later. That's when he realized why this seemed so familiar. This was wrong on so many levels but he had seen weirder things thanks to being around Buckaroo all the time.

"At least one a year," he said dryly. "Since I was sixteen." His father huffed, staring at him. "Not my fault! Others want to take over the world and you know I can't let that happen. Stepmom made sure I'd be the sort of guy to stop that."

"Good point, he did warp you a tiny bit. But it helped calm you down."

"Yeah but I can't do the meditations he taught me anymore. They blocked it off. Would've helped in the school from hell. Well, on top of hell but whatever," he babbled. His father gave him that look. "When they pulled me, they deaged me to six months." His father growled. "I grew up on a hellmouth, Dad."

"I saw that show. I knew it had to be you. They all argued with me but *no*." Xander hugged him. He cuddled him back. "You're coming home?"

"Yup."

"Good."

"I'm tired of the bitching and nagging. I need to be on-call for later battles."

"I'm sure we can figure it out," he promised, looking at Gabriel.

"I'm not allowed to send him home. That's why he asked for his stepmother. Who, looking over at the created family, could probably find a way to make a doorway so he could at least visit and his pouty ones could come see him for cuddles." He shrugged. "Hands are tied here, pumpkin. Sam, do you have any ideas?"

"Not really," he admitted. "We could set up one to a neutral realm from both sides. Some of the demon realms have that capability. Though it might cause other problems if there's not anyone to guard it."

"That might work," Gabriel admitted. "*His* memories?"

"No. Muttering," he said with a point at Willow, who was behind him.

"Sam, can you take over my spot of making sure she doesn't end humanity?" Xander called.

"Hey!" Willow complained. "I was grieving, Xander! It's not nice to pick on me about that."

"Not picking, just stating a fact, and not all of them you weren't. Or I wouldn't have had that blue thing I had to kill." He stared at her. She slowly hid behind Sam again. "You need a common sense insert."

"She needs to give it up before my sisters and I decide we can make a new powerful witch to work with the slayers," Alathandra said, staring at her.

"Xander can't do magic," she said.

"He's a shaman, yes he can," she countered. "And I could easily give it to Sam Winchester instead. He knows both the dark and the light and he's sacrificed a lot to help save his family and humanity. He'd do a lot better than you would."

"We'd hate that," Dean said. "Really, we would."

She looked at him. "Shut up, Dean. You don't get to make this decision." She stared at him. "The fate of the world may rest on this. Plus it'd mean you could battle Crowley a bit easier. Or the other angels that are bored." She smiled and clapped her hands.

"Don't I get a say in it?" Sam asked as four other demons in slinky lace dresses appeared.

"Pick someone," she offered.

"Can it be used to give Castiel grace again?" Dean asked.

"Ummm, probably not," one of the new ones said. She touched him. "I can approximate it." She smiled at him. "You do good work, Castiel. We appreciate that even if your family is full of douchebags." She patted him on the cheek. "That should activate what little grace is left in you and let you suck up more when some is spilled near you." He nodded his thanks. She looked at Sam. "He's not a fit vessel. He's newly blessed."

"I had to pull someone out of him, Maralyn," Xander said. "It's how I kept Lucifer from coming back."

"Oh, dear." She tested Sam by touching his cheek with her fingertips. He ducked away from her. "Hmm. Still not the right bit of powers to hold hers. She'd need someone more wild." She looked at her sisters. "A dryad?" They talked about it.

"They have to be able to help us," Buffy interrupted. "Because that's part of Willow's jobby job. Helping slayers. Protecting the earth. All that?"

The sisters nodded. "Then a dryad won't do." They considered it.

"Don't you dare," Xander said when he heard one word. They stared at him. "First. Evil." They nodded and gave up that plan to resurrect a witch. "Find a hunter, one who's honest, and give it to them. Or hey, Dad. But we'll be somewhere else."

"Which won't work," Buffy said dryly. "You can't go either. The minis will pout us to death."

Xander looked at her. "This is my real father, Buffy. I'm going with him." She gaped. He shrugged. "I'm tired of the bitching. I'm retiring unless they can find a way to get me back here for battles. I'll be on-call for them. I'll come running if you need me, the same as I do now. But I can't stand the bitching. I get less bitching from the demon porn circuit that wants me to join in." Gabriel squeaked and moaned, shaking his head. Xander grinned at him. "I know, one tried to tape it. Thankfully I had protections around the room."

"I saw. The momentary vision was not cute." He was still rubbing his forehead. He pointed. "Rescue committee." A man stepped out of a glowing portal.

"Stepmom," Xander chirped, jogging over to hug him. "Hi."

"Alex," he sighed, hugging him. He looked at his best friend. "Are you okay?"

"Bit shocked," he said. "Bit horrified." He glared at Willow then smiled at him. "We need to make a way so he can help his trainees come to him for sanity."

"And I'm still on-call for battles," Xander said against his 'stepmom's shoulder. He remembered this shoulder from all the times it had calmed him down when he was little the first time. His dad had been more uptight back then so this one had helped a lot.

"That too." He looked at Alathandra.

"I'm coming with you. I'd miss Xander." Her sisters moaned. She smiled. "I promised we wouldn't do anything until long after his line's passed on." They nodded that was fair.

Buckaroo Bonzai looked at his best friend's son, then at his best friend. "Want to go better in-depth?"

"I'm not fully sure myself. Though, you owe me twenty bucks on that bet. That was Alex on that show." He smirked.

"Oh, dear." He looked at him. "You work with slayers?" He pointed. "Miss Summers. Miss Rosenburg." Willow waved with a half-smile/half-grimace. He looked at his favorite kid again. "What happened?" He pointed at Gabriel, who explained it. And what they'd need, so why Xander had called him.

"I'm ready to go home. I want to retire. I want to actually heal the current injury. I want away from the bitching," Xander said. "Before I smite them all," he muttered. That got another squeeze. "Owowowow." His father pulled him over to look at the injury. "Sorry, claw earlier."

"Claw? Really?"

"Yeah, claw, really. It had ninety-three arms with five claws on each paw."

His father whimpered and pulled him closer. "We'll help you heal that, kiddo." He looked at his friend. "Can we find a way to rescue us and make that doorway?"

"Make the doorway, yes. How would they tell him?" Xander waved his phone. "There's a cellphone plan that does that?"

"It works on most planes." He grinned. "I've needed it to go rescue slayers."

"Oh, boy," he said. He looked at his mate. "Tommy?"

"We're going home."

"Okay." He stepped out of the way. "I'm holding the gateway open." Xander grabbed Alathandra's hand. At the last second, he grabbed Gabriel and hauled him over too. He came out the other side rubbing his head. "Alex?" Buckaroo asked.

"Visions suck."

"I'm sure they would. You have visions?" New Jersey asked. He was waiting with stuff to triage injuries.

"Yup. Since they popped the eye." He looked up. "Wow, you used to seem a lot taller. I think that's why I used to climb up you."

"Alex?" he demanded. Xander nodded. "Oh my god," he said, pulling him closer to hug. "You're okay. You're big!"

"I'm also going to bite because you're pressing on the claw marks." He got let go of. "Thanks." He took a deep breath and looked at his dad, then his uncles. "When they deaged me, they blocked me from anything meditational. It took me months with a shaman to break that problem." Buckaroo winced. "But I am fully shaman trained from the ones I met in Africa."

"That's good. Let's handle the injuries?"

"Please," Alathandra said. "Even I can sense you're radiating pain, pookie." Xander shrugged. "I know, not as bad as last week's or even last year's after that battle with the blue thing."

"He's been hurt worse than this?" Perfect Tommy asked her. Then he looked at his son. "Really?"

Xander took off his t-shirt, showing off the scars he carried. "Yup. And really, the eye thing wasn't nearly as bad as the appendix being pulled out by the hacks at Sunnydale General. That hurt a lot worse." His father was staring. "I'd show you the others but I doubt they want to strip me naked."

"We're going to see anyway when we do your physical," New Jersey said, walking him off. "Let's go hit the infirmary, Alex."

"Sure. Do I get a lollipop this time too like you used to when you gave me shots?"

"Yup, you can. We have a few in there. Even the good sugarfree kind." He noticed all the staring. "Guys, they found Alex." The Hong Kong Cavaliers all cheered and tried to pounce him.

"Easy, guys, he's injured," Buckaroo said, following behind them. "Let us stitch up the demon claw marks. Okay?" They nodded. "Tommy, want to help?"

"I'll be talking to his girlfriend. I can't stand to see you stitch his injuries, even when it was only him hurting himself while playing."

"I get that. It's a dad's thing to do," he promised with a smile and a clap on the shoulder. Gabriel disappeared. "Huh."

"He's going to find out if he can make a place here." Alathandra smiled. "He might not exist. He's not sure." She followed. Someone tried to get in her way. "Sweetie, I've seen Xander naked more times than the ones who used to change his diapers. Plus injured. Move please." She smiled. They got out of the way at Tommy's nod. Xander was indeed naked under a paper sheet and having his side examined. "He took the anti-venom. I made sure when he said he'd be late because of that thing."

"That's a great thing," New Jersey said with a smile for her. "I haven't met you yet."

"Alathandra. I'm his present girlfriend." She kissed Xander on the forehead, knocking him out. "That should help. He's tense and that'll make treating him so much worse. It always does. Oh, and you need to check to make sure whatever you give him won't interfere with anything else he's had. Like malaria."

"I can do that," he promised with a smile. "Why don't you and Tommy go work on a space for him to heal in?" She nodded, going with the worried, stressed out father. He looked at Buckaroo, who was running the bloodwork. "Malaria?"

"It'll be another ten before it pops up." He looked over. "Tommy said I owe him that twenty back."

"Oh, no. There were other things."

"He's been in Africa. Malaria's more than likely."

"So's other things," Xander muttered. "Dengue.... Pants pocket. Keys. USB key." They found it and ran it in the nearest computer. It had a 'for any doctors' folder. That told them what they needed to know. New Jersey turned up the medicine drip. Alex grimaced a tiny bit but his shifting leads them to find a hiding thing. It looked like a piece of semi-stiff cloth that was covering an area like a bandage but mostly it was skin colored to hide it from view. They peeled that off, then checked for others. One was stuck on in a way that meant they had to soak it to get it off. Xander shifted away from them.

"Shh, it's me, Alex," Buckaroo soothes, petting over his hair. "Just me." He peels it off and winces. "Ow." He looked at the kid then at his fellow doctor, who shrugs. He has no idea what did that. "Go ask his girlfriend." New Jersey nods and goes to do that. Buckaroo finds two others but they're not covering injuries that he can tell. He checks the pads, nothing on them. He gets something to run over the area, checking for older injuries. Instead he gets to make a fresh one to pull out miniature weapons. Which grow in his hand as he pulls them out.

"Okay, not good," he said, doing a full body scan for more. Three more. He does a full body CT just in case and finds something made from wood, and one made from a strange metal that only got picked up because there was a wire in it that was normal metal. He'd test that alien metal later. He put everything onto a free bed and looked up as Tommy and Alathandra walked in together. "Few questions. First, are any of the injuries he was hiding infected or full of something we'll have to treat?"

She looked them over, frowning at one. "I thought that one had healed. That little bastard. I would've babied him for it." She checked the first one they had found, grimacing. "It's not poisonous but I think that's starting to infect."

"Just making sure there's no slime or anything," he said.

She pointed at something. "That's the slime that would most likely be inside anything and that's because the stupid idiot keeps sneezing on Xander while they talk about stuff. I think he's trying to see why Xander's immune to his paralyzing snot but no clue about that one. He could be allergic to humans."

New Jersey took a swab of that to run through the machines. "Can he take a regular antibiotic?"

She grimaced. "I've never seen Xander go to a doctor, guys. Anytime he's been injured he's fixed his own injuries. Or he's let Willow do it. They both learned from her mother's textbooks when they were little." Behind her, a wall went 'crunch' as a fist went through it. "Easy, Prince Charming. He's okay. Really. I've seen him worse than this and doing his own stitches. Including in a mirror with a pair of rusty pliers to get the needle into the one in his back."

She looked at the two doctors again. "The last time he went to see an actual doctor, he was dying of dengue. That's the only time he goes to any sort of healer. After the ER in Sunnydale screwed up his appendix, he's hated doctors. Which is probably a good thing with how horrible theirs was. He's lucky he survived that." She shrugged then crossed her arms over her chest. "No sex for you tonight, Xander. If you had told me you were injured, I would've helped."

"He's sedated," Buckaroo said.

She snorted. "That usually doesn't work very well on him and if he wakes up without realizing where he's currently stashed, he'll try to sneak out." She smiled. "He's done it in hotels before too because he wasn't sure where he was."

The guys all nodded. "We can fix that. He'll be in here all night," Buckaroo said.

"That's fine. I can go set up my new compound. He can come visit." She smiled and waved a hand, disappearing.

Tommy looked at his son then at his best friends. "I get to yell, right?" They nodded. "Good. Let me start with the people who turned him this way."

"Dead," Xander muttered. "Died in the last Battle of Sunnydale. Refused to evacuate. Held a party." He tried to sit up but got pushed back down. "Hey!"

"Shut up, kid," New Jersey said. "Lay down, let us clean out the injuries, and we might not paddle you like we did when you were four and playing in the garage with cars that were on." He smiled. "Down, Mister!"

"You don't look like a redheaded witch with addiction issues," Xander mumbled. He patted himself down. "Weapons."

"On the other bed. You know very well no one's going to come here, Alex," Buckaroo said, soothing him back into sleep with some humming. Alex drifted off again. Tommy looked at the weapons then at him. "I had to remove some of them from various spots on his side and legs."

"I'm going to kill them," Tommy said.

"We'll help," New Jersey quipped. "Because clearly, someone was wrong somewhere. Sit."

"Let me...not watch you finish stitching him up?" They nodded.

"Go tell the others," Buckaroo said. "Mrs. Johnson will be highly amused."

"She missed him too." He walked out, not looking pleased. "Guys!" he said to stop the demanding for information. They all stared at him. "We found Alex in another realm." Most of them found a seat and sat. "He's got a few injuries. He's been fighting demons."

"That show!" Reno said, hopping up. Tommy nodded, grimacing. "So that's...."

"Yup. His girlfriend just left to set up some sort of compound. She's promised not to do anything he'd have to fix until after his line's died off." That got a few moans and a head shake. "Alex has a few injuries so they're stitching them, and he was hiding a few weapons in his thigh somehow. For tonight he'll be in the infirmary. Buckaroo's upset. New Jersey wants to kill whoever trained him to hate doctors, because he was doing his own stitches according to his girlfriend." That got another few winces and another head shake. "For now, let us hover. Tell the auxiliary that the search is off. Warn them that he's used to strange things happening and if they do, warn us. Please?" They nodded. "Thanks." He walked back into the infirmary then back out. "Do I want to know what that was?"

"He had it covered. It's got a slight infection so we're rinsing it," Buckaroo said. He looked up. "It might be an hour. We think we need to check his eye too."

"I'll find him something to sleep in tomorrow." He walked off running a hand through his hair. It messed up his perfect prettiness but he was a bit frustrated, worried, and really pissed off. One of the guys he passed patted him on the arm. He appreciated they'd help him get to know this son. His son wasn't four any longer. He wasn't cute, cuddly, and curious. Now he was big, strong, odd, and dangerous. Which...he might've turned dangerous anyway but still!

***

Tommy looked up from his book at the groan. "It's only four, go back to sleep, Alex," he said quietly. He got up to check him, finding him blinking at the ceiling. "Water?"

"I thought it was a hallucination," he mumbled. He drank the water and relaxed again. "I'm home?"

"You're home."

"Okay." He patted himself down. "I left my axe."

"You play guitar?"

"No, my battle axe. I tried to learn how to play but Willow made fun of me and the 'rents took it to pawn." He shrugged and grimaced. "Someone pulls their stitches too tightly."

"They're supposed to be tight." He patted over his hair. "Rest. It's only four." Xander yawned and nodded, going back to sleep. "Good boy." His son barked. He smiled. "Cute." He sat back down, looking at the pile of weapons no one had moved. He got up to look them over, shaking his head at a few things. Buckaroo walked in with a cup of coffee, and one for Tommy too. "You can't sleep?" he asked quietly.

"No. The bloodwork should be about done." He checked. "His DNA was warped by that fish thing." Tommy sipped his coffee, staring at him. "You know I had to check." Tommy nodded. "It's him, only five percent off due to the fish taint. The system reads it as five percent aquatic creature taint but the parentage and DNA test both came up matching." He sighed, looking at the others. "Oh, crap." Tommy came over to look over his shoulder. "Six diseases that people would like to get samples of. Two others that are salable. Great."

"Patch?" Tommy nearly whispered.

"Not that I found. We'll talk about how to guard him tomorrow." Tommy nodded. "Let's look at his pile of weapons."

"He said he forgot his axe." Buckaroo looked at him. "A battle one. I asked."

"I had hoped," he mouthed. Tommy shook his head. "Maybe now?"

"Maybe. He said he tried to learn once."

"We can teach him whatever we can." He looked at the weapons. "What is that?" he asked, blinking at something. "Xander!" He woke up with a start. "Come shut this thing off please? Before it blows us all up?"

"Oops. Has an automatic detonator switch in case they have to pull it off me." He climbed off the bed with help and came over to turn off things. He stared at one, frowning. He mentally counted, tipping his head back and forth until he remembered the code. Nope. He tried another. Nope and it was running faster. Xander disarmed it and remembered the code because it was scratched on the underside. That turned it off. "I'm good," he said with a goofy grin.

"You are, but you still need to rest." He got him back onto the bed and covered him up, petting him until he went back to sleep. He and Buckaroo shared a look. The weapons all went to the lab. They didn't need explosives in the infirmary. They didn't want to clean up the mess. Tommy sat back down to read his book and sip his coffee while mentally swearing up a storm about his son. He had no idea how to handle this. It was even worse than when his ex-girlfriend had shown up with the baby. Though she had been arrested for using a condom he threw out to get pregnant on purpose, it had saved her from the people who were going to kill her to get the baby. Now he knew why.

***

Buckaroo was on watch when Alex finally woke up, smiling at him. "Morning. Don't you dare take out that IV."

"What's in it?"

"Antibiotics to knock out that infection in the wound on your back and the last of the dengue in your body since it was still showing as a tiny bit active." He walked over to him. "How are you feeling? And don't bother lying to me."

"I never could lie to you."

"I figured you're better at it now that you're not four," he said dryly, smiling at him.

"I'm...actually pretty decent." He looked at the IV bag. "How many painkillers?"

"Just one mild one. We don't keep heavy stuff here." He sat down next to the bed. "Tommy's asleep. He left around dawn to take a nap and I took over watching you."

"Must've been bored?"

"No. I have a whole lot of weapons to play with." He grinned. "Thanks, kid."

"Welcome, Stepmom." He sat up, blinking hard. "Ow. What did you do to my eye?"

"The hole's been cleaned. It might feel a bit swollen, and your good eye a tiny bit dry, but I have eye drops coming later to help you." Xander nodded, looking at him. "So, tell me what's going on? You hated it so much you got to leave finally?"

"It's part that ...it's part that I couldn't take the bitching anymore."

"You swear a lot."

"Yeah, but I've killed over three hundred demons in the last six months. I think I've earned it."

"Your father's going to wash your mouth out with soap."

"Possibly," Xander agreed with a grin. "Still...I earned it." He shifted to look at him. "Have you ever had someone rip into your self esteem so often you forget you have any?" he asked.

"No. The last time I had one of those around me I walked off from her."

"I can't. I work with mine. And raise a few of them actually."

"You left family there?"

"Not exactly. And I'll go over that in a few." He looked down then at him. "You said you saw the tv show. How far did it go? A few realms got one that had different versions."

"The last battle. Heading off on the buses."

Xander nodded. "It didn't get any prettier after that, especially since I'm injured *and* normal now. I got *so* many fits from the girls. Including that I was stupid to want to go to Africa to grieve Anya and everything else. That I'd only end up getting killed and that wasn't good for the mini slayers to see. So I kindly shot back that she couldn't even camp, much less do without a shower for a few days, and at least I had those skills. I learned a lot but if I hadn't walked, I would've killed her. Both of them really." He looked at him.

"Yeah, the mini slayers are partially being raised by me, partially by their parents. I'm in and out of their lives often to train them. I travel back and forth between them because someone's got to handle it and there's only two adult slayers to cover all of Africa. Both raised in Europe." Buckaroo winced a tiny bit. "There's nine remaining baby slayers, all under the age of puberty. There's three I had to find foster families for in other regions. You don't tend to find some religions being very happy when girls suddenly perk up with super strength and stuff.

"We lost three of them to witch burnings and one's still in the hospital in Cleveland recovering because I managed to get her out of there and called Willow to come grab her. Then I had to tell her why when she showed up because she was grossed out. Didn't understand at all on purpose. I punched her and I made her take the kid with her to an ER in the US. Then after I was done throwing the three people who had burned her, including her father and uncle, into the fire, I called Giles to beat the shit out of Willow. He showed up to baby her through things. She's used to him being a stepdad. She'll be out of treatment in another six months they think."

"But the kids look up to you like an uncle?"

Xander nodded. "I do treat them like little sisters. Their families all know me, including the three that grumble a lot about their daughters not making good marriages. I'm going to have to pull another one from her family." He sighed and rubbed his bad eye's eyebrow. "Then there's another three apocalypse battles that are going on right now. Well, technically one's building and then there's two that're being fought underground." He looked at him. "Between the stress and the stress and the stress, plus the fighting... I'm done.

"That's why I charged Gabriel with helping the kids for me. I'd like to find a way I can go back for the serious stuff, or to go rescue my girls, or so they can come here if they need me for something, but otherwise....I'm exhausted. I've been doing this now for twelve years almost. No vacation outside the almost road trip, which wasn't a great vacation and working in a strip club made me real cynical about normal people. Even some of the strippers that had been doing it for years said I was too cynical about people. That some still cared. I kindly showed her the paper from Sunnydale. She walked off crying."

"So you're tired, you're battle exhausted." Xander nodded. "And you wanted to come home?"

"Yeah, I did. There's been plenty of times I wanted to come home and couldn't figure out what had happened. Then the eye thing happened and I found out. They kidnaped me from here to control Willow." Buckaroo winced. "I was all for ending the menace a few times. Especially in the last few months when all I really wanted to do was stab her and Buffy. See, one of the apocalypses is Buffy's fault. She slept with the wrong being. It lost him credibility. His people are trying to overthrow him. It's going to get all of Asia killed because they're almost, kinda like the demon mafia that runs Asia but they're not doing bad things if that makes sense. They're protecting the demons and they offer some protection for favored people against other demons, but they're not running protection or anything."

"I can understand that."

"They're having a civil war. It's not in the open. They wouldn't do that. They'd kill themselves if it came into the open. They've lost a third of their people due to it. Which has meant the others are showing up to take over. Including a group that's actually demonic Yakuza. Literally demonic Yakuza." Buckaroo grimaced. "They're not real nice either. They like to capture virgins and carve pretty marks into them then sell them. Which I stopped part of by blowing them the hell up when they went after a slayer. Then I found out why when I went to talk to the protectors. Who were openly arguing. Something they don't do.

"They don't show strife in any outward manner. In this case they were shouting. I fired into the ceiling and pointed out I had just stopped two of their major enemies from taking a slayer and others. They're highly embarrassed and hopefully I talked them into going to the peace table. When I asked why, I got told. I told her. She got all pouty and 'that's my job in the group, not hers' and all sorts of shit I didn't want to put up with. I almost shipped her to that Yakuza group but she's not a virgin so they'd never take her. Which is really bad when you start thinking that about your supposed best friends."

"You could've walked."

"No one else to help." He shrugged, looking at him. "Unless I make it an obligation like I made Gabriel help my minis, no one's going to step in. Either they think they're not worthy to help because they're normal people, or they're the sort that wouldn't care as long as the demons only took out their enemies." Buckaroo slumped. "Yeah, I love Africa at times. The US...we have hunters. They're dealing with the third apocalypse battle. Which was what was going on last night. The second one is actually two underground tunneling demons who are trying to fight over territory while breeding. They're going to sink Russia soon.

"One has a lot of tunnels up there and going toward the east. The other has territory under the Alps and was trying to muscle in so she could lay an egg that had that area. He had killed their last one by sending it into the water to tunnel. We've already seen a few sinkholes and the normals are really freaked out when they find old tunnels, but they say it's from one of the world wars or something. So they're discounting it. Even though one poked through in Siberia and screwed up a whole guard unit by trying to eat it because she was hungry thanks to being in heat. We hate dealing with politicians."

He grinned. "Giles tried for polite. Buffy gave her best airhead to get out of it. Willow tried to lecture and he nearly had her shot. I stepped in, told him what he didn't want to hear, told him to suck it up since they'd been there longer than people had, and if they wanted to deal with it, try bombs. Then I got Willow to send everyone home. She nicely forgot me there. I spent three days arguing with people in the jails until I finally gave up and called in a poker debt to take me out of there.

"He had the male suck in the jail and let the female have the guards I couldn't save. I yelled at him but he shrugged and said I wasn't specific. So I nicely handed him back to his people after telling the higher ups what had happened and why. They're horrified that demons are sentient, thinking, poker playing bastards who hate Communism." He grinned. "The guy gave them all sorts of reasons why they hated them and how they were going to end them. Then we disappeared thanks to him. Giles made me write an apology letter even though most of it wasn't my doing. All I asked him to do was take me home."

"That happen a lot?"

"Things being turned around so I'm at fault? Sometimes."

"What's the third one?"

"The angels and demons are tired of each other existing. They're going for an endtime thing so they can be bored for eternity, or possibly remake everything so they're scared of them. So all the demons that aren't the possessing kind, which are the ones slayers deal with, are just as trapped and going to eat them back. They forgot there was a third side. Some of the hunters involved have turned into the third side. The slayers have been maintaining the third side without running into the hunters. I've had to go talk to a few higher demons of our kind to keep them out of the battle because they could stop it, but we don't want to see that battle either."

"I get that."

"Buffy offered me marrying one if she'd stay out. She has no right to do that and the demon higher told her that. She snorted and said I wouldn't mind. Buffy learned what a stab to the side felt like. She's still probably whining about that but I didn't want to be a human slave. The demon patted me on the head, told me I was worthy but mean, and I should really retire. I figured if the demons think I'm evil, I'm well past time to go home."

He looked at him. "I ...I give up. Someone will watch my minis for me. They may not be as good as I am but Giles swore to me that I could take a vacation and someone would handle them for me. I'm not sure who he thinks he has to do that, but he vowed up and down to me that he has someone to take my place whenever I need a vacation. Which I tried. I went to Hawaii for a week. I got into three different fights with the demon street gang they have because I was on the beach. I got to depossess two sacrificial babies to save them.

"I got to beat the shit out of one of the higher demons who thinks I'm a toy, which got me no respect at all even after all the other stuff because she kept trying to talk me into becoming her top slave. I killed her hard. The cops all looked grossed out and they still treated me like I was a delicate flower with mental issues. And then asked me to go handle a nature spirit wanting to set off a dormant volcano." He rolled his eye. "I'm... I can't save people like them. I can't find it in me to care if they die most of the time anymore.

"Which was what made me decide I had to figure out how to get home. Last night was just the best chance I could've seen. We had power from the dying one. We had the problems going on. I had Willow there and they could drain her to appear so she's less dangerous for a few weeks." He shrugged. "I'm done. I can't. I won't and I can't. I'm not really sure why I ever cared if other people died at the moment."

"You're burnt out," Buckaroo said quietly, staring at him. "Far beyond that."

"I know. It sucks but I know." He shrugged. "I can't. I love my minis. They're like my sisters. I just...can't. I'm not sure if I'd help someone if it happened in front of me and I know that means I need to leave the life and find something that gives me some sort of reason to keep hoping the sun comes up. Or else I might go solve that third apocalypse with C-4. You can get explosives onto hell realms. A few heavenly realms too but not all of them." Buckaroo got up to give him a hug. "Thanks."

"We're still family." He looked at him, tipping his face up. "Even if you're a bit too tough and all that, we're still family. Your dad's really worried that you're going to stay in warrior mode."

"I don't know much else."

"We can fix that. What about college?"

"I hate school."

"That's new. You used to absorb knowledge like a sponge once we started working on your learning disability."

"Yeah but then they deaged me and I lost all that, and they blocked off what they could of me meditating or anything like that. I ended up in a school system that truly didn't care or want to deal with anyone, much less a really bright kid with attention and reading issues. Plus the alcoholic assholes that reraised me weren't exactly keen on me doing anything good. I graduated, barely, but I'm not doing college. I hate lecture classes."

"Okay, we can work around that. What did you do instead?"

"Carpentry until I lost the eye."

"Maybe there's a way, like a specialty within it. Like plumbing or something?"

"I thought about it but no vo-tech there and then we had a battle." He shrugged. "I didn't stay in Cleveland long enough to even consider it. I was there for all of four days before I left for Africa. I did some building there when asked but it's a hindrance. My eye being gone sucks. Especially since I get visions."

"We took a CT last night. We'll take another one if you have a vision, make sure there's no trauma going on."

Xander looked at him. "Usually I have a migraine right afterward. Make me tell you what I saw, even if I'm flinching from touch, sounds, and lights. I only see huge things. One fluffy thing but it was going to kill half of Boston by sitting on it to set up a nest. The bugs that lived in her fur were going to capture the people to turn into her eggs." Buckaroo stared at him. Xander grinned. "All the wacky that was my life."

"How did you manage to avoid that?"

"We paid her a bribe so she went to Arizona and had it in the middle of the desert away from everyone. All her babies are nicely cute little fluffy things. Only about as long as a jeep the last picture I saw. We had to keep the supposed police out there from trying to kill her. I pointed out she would've taken out a major city and doing this in the desert wasn't bothering them. They tried to shoot me and her. She ate a sheriff and spit his parts out for her young. They left her alone after that thanks to Willow doing a spell."

"One person instead of millions and he forced his luck. Sounds reasonable to me," Tommy said from the doorway.

"Hey, Dad. How much did you hear?"

"I have your bed bugged." He walked over and tipped his son's face up. "You should've come home after graduation."

"I didn't know what was going on then and everyone I asked said I couldn't. I had a reason for being there." He shrugged and grimaced, shaking his head slightly. "I don't know."

"I know. We'll figure it out." Xander nodded, leaning on his shoulder. "You need a bath."

"We can cover all the stitches with waterproof bandages." Buckaroo handed them over to the worried father. "He can rest upstairs."

"Thanks. Robe?"

"Use the sheet. Throw it in the wash for me." Tommy nodded, helping wrap Xander up and taking him up to his suite to help the kid take a shower. He looked like he needed it. Buckaroo saved down the security footage from in there and locked it under his personal code so no one could get into it. A few of the guys were veterans, they could help Tommy calm Xander down so he got used to normal things again. Though, that gave him bad thoughts about his girlfriend. What was she? He would've asked her when she showed up to tuck Xander in when he finally got him to rest, but she gave him this look that made him almost find a church and the Goddess his son muttered about.

***

Alex looks up when someone pops into his room. "What's up?" he asked the archangel.

"Your mini terrors are horrors. Pure, unadulterated horrors."

"They're mostly pre-teen girls."

"They've all tried to kill me."

"They're also fully called slayers. They know about the apocalypse attempt too."

"Yeah, I had to explain that more than once and where you are."

"I'm...here. It's good I'm here. It means I won't walk away and let humanity die."

Gabriel stared at him. "Can't I do some other task? Go clean mythical stables? Hold up the world, divert a river to cure a drought?"

"No." He smiled. "Because someone with sense and skills has to be able to protect them. Especially from some of their families and their villages."

"I've seen. Two I pulled rank on and they're hiding like hell from me." Gabriel grimaced.

"Two? Pula and who?"

"The one you've been calling Nessie for the lake monster she turns into when she's angry and Cyndra."

"They're not usually the ones having problems."

"Cyndra's father wants her to marry. Tomorrow. He's eighty." Xander grimaced. "Nessie's uncle is now an Imam and he's wanting to prove it."

"Get her out of there."

"He's scared to death of me. He won't come near her."

"Yeah, until he gathers some support." He stared at him. "Remove her. Take her to Cyndra and they'll hang out together and defeat the evil pedophile asshole."

"That's not a bad idea." He disappeared to save the kid slayer and take her to the other kid slayer. "Sorry to interrupt," he said, glaring at the whining mother. "Cyndra, I need you to act as big sister to this one. Her uncle just found a god he liked and wanted to burn her at the stake for being a slayer."

Cyndra nodded. "We're all sisters in some ways. She's as if mine already. Where is Xander?"

"Healing. He's got over seventy stitches right now and he's really, really mad at people."

"Here?" she asked, eyes wide, looking around.

"No but he told me I could kill the child molester." He smirked at him. "You know she's not a woman yet."

"I can train her."

Gabriel waved a hand at him, making him a bunny rabbit. "Sure you can." He looked at Cyndra again, smirking some because she was trying not to smile. "When you want a husband for real, you can choose to have him turn back. That's got a built in age restriction," he said, staring at her mother. "She can't do it until she's at least eighteen." The woman set off wailing. "Can you protect Nessie?"

"Of course. We're mostly safe from demons here."

"Good. Let me check on the others. You guys are going to drive me nuts."

"Then give us Mr. Xander back," Nessie said with a grin.

He leaned down to stare at her. "He wanted to see his real father and heal. To bring you to him, I'd have to join the two worlds and I'm not allowed to do that." He gave her a pointed look. "That's not something archangels do, kid."

"Pity." She patted him on the cheek. "Go have some tea and calm down. At least we're not dating yet. Mr. Xander said that he'd have to scare all our dates and potential mates."

"Yes he should. Especially if you date like he does." He disappeared with a sigh, going to see Sam and Dean, and Castiel. He appeared with a huge mug of beer in hand and sat down to drink it.

Dean looked at him. "Problems?" he guessed.

"Fifteen mini slayers," he said between gulps. He put down the cup with a sigh. "Even if I can't absorb it, it's nice." He looked at them. "Fifteen mini slayers under the age of fourteen. I just broke up a child wedding for one, rescued another from being burned at the stake, and now I'm going to have to stop another one that's going to play poker with a demon to get her uncle's farm out of hock," he moaned when that situation hit his mind.

Castiel patted him on the shoulder. "Show me and send me. She sounds much like Dean."

"Thank you, brother." He hugged him and sent him there.

The slayer looked at the man in the trenchcoat that appeared on the dusty road. "Who're you?" she asked, hand on her dagger.

"I'm the Angel Castiel. Gabriel sent me. I work with a few hunters."

"Yay. Why are you here?"

"Gabriel thought you might need protected from whatever plan this is."

"It's my duty."

"Only if it's your debt."

"They're family."

"You're a child."

"I'm a slayer."

"That doesn't negate your age," he said bluntly. "It's their job as adults to handle it."

"They think the demon would give up to me."

"I think I'll go with you to make sure you're safe. We don't want to make Xander come back from his healing."

"He is? Finally?"

"He went with his real father. He put Gabriel in charge of all of you. He has a life debt to Xander."

"Interesting." Pula walked off with him walking beside her. "Why are the angels having fits?"

"Some think humans have forgotten the old ways. Some say they're tired. Personally, I think they're wrong. It's not made my life fulfilled but I have seen how strong humanity is and how it is willing to protect itself."

"Unless it's a demon," she said bitterly. "I got blamed for being in another state when one showed up. When I pointed out I'm only twelve and not allowed to kill things on my own yet she said that didn't matter."

"Sometimes humans are petty and selfish. For those sort, I think my brethren might have a point. But not for all."

She nodded. "Yeah but if we removed those sort, we'd have breeding problems. I'd rather not be inbred like some cows are."

"No, that would not be a good thing," he agreed. He followed her into the demon bar.

Pula walked up to the demon, sighing as she sat down. "My mother said it's my duty to come talk to you about my uncle's debts and his farm. How it'll mean they'll have to live with us so we all starve. I really don't want to starve, and I really don't like that uncle. Especially with the way he treats his daughters. Can you please give it back to him?"

The demon laughed. "You are very brave, slayer."

She nodded. "I pointed out I'm young. She said I'm a slayer, it shouldn't matter." She grimaced. "Xander would've hit her."

"Yes, we heard."

Castiel cleared his throat. "He put someone who has a life debt to him in charge of his girls while he healed with his natal father."

"Who are you?"

"Castiel. Gabriel asked for my help." He smiled. They all stared. "You're taking me from my charge. Did you win his lands fairly?"

"He lost them in poker."

"Did you cheat?" Pula asked.

"No. He tried but he sucks at it."

She nodded. "I have no idea how to handle this. I know my mother won't be happy. My father's not happy with either suggestion."

"I can go to your mother and tell her we don't deal with children unless we're the evil kind."

She smiled. "That might be nice. Please?" He nodded, getting up and taking her home in his car. Castiel sat beside her to protect her.

He got them out and walked into the house with her, making her mother shriek. "Desist, woman. You sent a child to do a real human's job. Even if she is a slayer, she's not yet a woman and it's not her job. Frankly, her uncle lost his farm because he was cheating at cards. He sucks at poker. He always has. He's in debt to some other demons as well. If he paid them off, he'd be paying off three million dollars worth." The slayer's mother gasped, grabbing onto the back of the couch.

"It is not your daughter's duty to fix that. Even if she had acted like Buffy and taken us all out, our offspring and families would've claimed the debts and killed all of your family for the insult to ours. We don't leave living the families of those who attack us. Fortunately, Xander taught this young one to rationally think about matters and how they would affect her and others so we talked and she found out what had happened. She knew you would not be happy about the answer so I came to tell you myself, because that's what *adults* do." He patted the slayer on the head. "Some day you'll grow up into a good slayer. Probably a lot better than Buffy because you have learned to appreciate those around you." He smiled at her. "Safe life, slayer." He left.

"I asked what had happened to see how to handle things," Pula said. She shrugged. "I can't kill sixty families of demons, Mother. Not even for family."

"He will have to live with us," she sneered.

"No, you don't have to let him. I doubt Father would like it." She looked at Castiel. "Is my father around?"

"Outside listening." He pointed. "Gabriel asked me to help her today. He's paying off his life debt to Xander while Xander heals." The mother was crying. The father came in. "She did admirably well asking the important questions and reasonably talking about things. She learned what the problem was and how bad it was before deciding on any actions."

"I agree, it's not our job to pay off his debts at that level," her father said, smiling at her. "Good job, daughter. Go rest." She nodded, going to her room. He looked at his wife. "We can take in his children but not him." She slapped him. He caught her hand, staring at her. "You can join him and his wife can become mine to raise our children together." She huffed off. He looked at the odd man. "You are?"

"The guardian angel Castiel."

"Interesting."

"Gabriel owes Xander a life debt so he asked him to pay it off by watching his slayers as he does."

"That's good. The girls could use more support." He looked outside, where his wife was trying to kick their chicken. "Let me calm her down."

"Pula mentioned how he looks at his daughters."

"I've noticed. We don't like her brother." Castiel nodded and disappeared. "Daughter?" She came out to stare at him. "If he tries anything near you, you are to defend yourself however you must. If he touches you I'll expect you to have been overpowered or unconscious. If it kills him, we'll handle keeping you on the light path."

She nodded. "I can do that. Thank you."

"Welcome. Hide. Your mother's having one of her moods."

"Xander said the US has medicine for those." She went back to her room.

Her father walked outside. "That is our only chicken and unless you want to earn money to buy a new one, leave it be, wife." She sneered. "Your brother is not welcome because I believe he touches his daughters."

"He does not!" she shrieked. "That's a lie!"

"It may or may not be but I do not like how he looks at ours." He stared at her. "He is not welcome on my family's farm." She started to cry. "It would be best if he left the area anyway so no one comes after him for more debts. It's bad enough I had someone ask me if he was selling his daughter to cover them. I told him I hoped not and I would gladly take in his daughters to protect them with my own but he is not welcome in this family."

"He's my brother."

"And I'm your husband. If you love your brother more, move with him. It'll be safer for all of you."

"I'll burn this farm first."

"Should you try, I'll make sure the magistrate hears why," Pula called from her open window. "I'm not living on the streets like some runaway just because you like the man who tries to touch his daughter."

"That's a lie! She lied!"

Pula leaned out her window. "Xander took her to the clinic because she was miscarrying. It's not a lie, Mother. He locks her in the house and she somehow got pregnant in her jail. Who do you think did it?" Her father stared at her. "I did promise not to tell people in authority because she's worried what will happen when he goes to jail."

"She's welcome to room and train with you. It will do her good," her father said simply. "We'll go gather her in a few minutes, Pula." She nodded. He looked at his wife. She was horrified but yay. "Leave." She glared at him. "Now." She stomped off. He followed to make sure she didn't do anything stupid. He also told their local minister. He could talk to her. The minister came out to see what was wrong. "I'm sending her from my house and my family, Father."

"We do not believe in divorce."

"She's sticking up for her brother, who made his own daughter pregnant. I won't have that. Or having her send Pula to talk to the local demons her brother played poker with and lost against."

The minister grimaced but nodded. "I would suggest he move."

"I would too. His daughter's coming to us."

"Good. You know he has a son?"

"His son has a mother that's good. If she wants help she can come talk to me. I could use some help around the farm so the girls can be girls and train."

"A good thought. I'll mention it to her. You're a good man to take in your in-law's daughter."

"She needs it. Pula said she miscarried."

"I had heard. We cannot get them apart."

"I can." He walked off. "She threatened to burn the family farm."

"I will keep her from doing so. Go with God, my son." He went back in there to verbally beat that woman to death for her stupidity.

***

Xander blinked awake at the touch to his hair. "Hey, Dad. Did I sleep too long?"

"You need to rest. Rest will help a lot of things. The infection's causing some exhaustion too." He sat beside him on the bed, handing over a t-shirt and boxers. "Washed."

"You do that better than I do. I have a lot of hatred of laundry."

"You never were a clothing kid anyway." He stared at him. "Want lunch?"

"Not really hungry but if you want to eat I'll drink."

"I can accept that. I wanted to get to know this new you."

"You're trying too hard. You're still my dad." He smiled. "Even if you're an impossible standard to live up to you're still my dad."

Tommy grinned. "Not everyone can be perfect like I am but you're more than good enough to be my son." Xander hugged him. "C'mon, let's get you at least a protein shake."

"Eww, seaweed."

"Not in the bunkhouse. We banned all that stuff in the nineties. We're men, we don't do that." He stood up. Xander got up and got dressed, following him down to the dining hall. "When did you want to do a haircut?"

Xander shrugged. "Half the time I let the girls braid it on me anymore. I don't care."

"Dreads?"

"No, more like cornrows only native style." Tommy paused to look at his son. "It was that or whack it off with a knife. I usually do that when it gets in my way."

"We'll get you a real haircut. You can keep it long if you want but it needs some shape."

"I'm well aware of hair styling, Dad. Willow basically raised me since the others were really pathetic."

"I'll thank her right before I punch her for being that way toward you."

"She is a bitch."

"Quit swearing."

"Fine. Sorry." He shrugged at the guys staring at him. "I do that now and then. I learned from the pirates I helped take down for wanting my slayer."

"I'm already having nightmares. Let's ease me into the bigger battles you've been in?" Tommy nearly begged, staring at his son.

"I know everyone can't live that life, Dad. Really, I do."

"Thanks, kid." He patted him on the arm. "New Jersey, can he eat?"

"If he wants to. I didn't see any signs he's been in the thinner food areas of Africa." Xander shook his head. "Recently?"

"Six months and I brought food with me for me and my slayer's family that went to the whole village instead."

"That's wise and kind," New Jersey said with a smile. "Let us know if you're going to have problems, Alex. We have antibiotics for you and eyedrops."

"Thanks, New Jersey."

"Welcome." He watched what the kid picked out. Very minimal food and a big glass of soda after gulping two glasses of milk. He'd check the injuries later to make sure the infection was easing. He and Tommy picked a corner table to talk at. His son was telling him about some sort of dancing show full of showgirl demons, which was cracking him and his father up. So that was good. It was great he had funny stories too. Meant he wasn't fully too gone.

***

Buckaroo looks up from his spot in the lounge with his guitar when Tommy plops down next to him. "He okay?" He goes back to it.

"He's angry. He's a bit moody, which I get. He's sad he had to leave the girls. He's mad at himself. He's got insane tastes in girlfriends and now I'm wondering how evil the current one is." Buckaroo smiled at that. "The one he nearly married was a vengeance demon. That means she was the one that abused women called on to get back at their husbands." The aimless strumming stopped. "She used to tell him all about her calls and then demand sex. Even if they were in public."

"We saw that on that show."

"I showed him one of those episodes. He laughed and said they nearly got it right. She was much nicer on the show." He looked at his best friend. "Apparently that one where she turned the guy into the only flush toilet? She actually did that but another one was the only female-only outhouse way back when. His wife had caught him with another woman so she said if his mouth really had to touch a woman there, he could do it for eternity."

Buckaroo nodded once. "Eww."

"Alex said his last lover before Alathandra was a lower level thief and assassin. She was up and coming, but she couldn't kill him when ordered. Instead she killed all her bosses and went back to Xander, still bloody no less, to have him comfort her. He hooked her up with another ex to talk about job prospects."

"Wow."

"They were the nice ones. Apparently there was a bad moment with pirates too but I asked him to break that to me later on, more gently."

Buckaroo patted him on the shoulder. "I know it's hard."

"I about asked if they were pirates like that drunk one or if they were like Somali pirates. If my son took out a unit of Somali pirates... I'm proud but damn."

"It proves he's been doing this too long."

Tommy nodded. "It does." He leaned against the back of the couch. "We have a few vets in the HKC, right?"

"Six or seven and I've talked to them about talking to Alex about what he's been doing. They all understand why."

"Thank you."

"Welcome. Anything for the stepkid." Tommy grinned over that. He had to be gone for three weeks helping another HKC member with something for Buckaroo and couldn't take Alex so his uncle had babysat him. By the time he had gotten back, Buckaroo was 'stepmom' to Alex and it was always cute. "I checked on his mother. She got out last year but she's disappeared."

"We think there's a reason or is she hiding?"

"I'm not so sure she didn't know about whatever was going to happen," he admitted.

"Maybe. If so, I get to punch her. Right?"

"I won't stop you."

"Good." He yawned. "Let me go rest. I'll take Alex out to get a haircut and clothes tomorrow."

"That's fine." He watched him go, going back to playing his guitar, though now a song was forming.

***

Back in Africa, Nessie had snuck out with Cyndra. She had brought her emergency beacon/Xander's poker debt chip that he made sure each of them carried. He had won them specially to help protect them so they could call on a higher being to help remove them from a huge bad thing like the First Evil's minions. She rubbed hers and looked at the demon that appeared.

"He said you'd only use that in emergencies."

"It's kinda one. Mr. Xander isn't here. He made a nice guy help us but he's still not Mr. Xander. We want to go to where Mr. Xander is."

"I... Huh." He tested things. "I have no idea what happened."

Gabriel appeared with a sigh. "Do I need to tuck you two in too?"

"No. Mr. Xander said he could if we have nightmares but this time we want Mr. Xander," Nessie said. "He's our big brother sort."

"He is," Gabriel said. "That's why he made me help you."

She patted him on the wrist with a smile. "You're nice and all but not him. You can't do the same things Mr. Xander can." She looked at the demon. "Also, wouldn't that help the other problem he's worried about?"

The demon blinked, staring at Gabriel then at her. "Welllllll......." He considered it. "I don't know."

"Less magic there. Hell realms are more shut off. No hellmouths," Gabriel said quietly. "It's almost ideal for the slayers to heal and train on. We can't merge them," he told the girls. "It'd harm the people over there."

Cyndra looked at him. "From what I read in a book, it'd be like they merged."

"Not if they're different. It could lead to a lot of sudden twins."

"Humans are adaptable," the demon said, looking up. "Let me ask to see how I'd even get you over there for a visit, girls. I'll be back tomorrow." They nodded and he left.

"Bed," Gabriel ordered.

Nessie grinned at him. "Mr. Xander taught us strategy too."

"It's clear he did. Plus wacky planning ideas." He pointed with a smirk. "Bed." They sighed but went back to bed. He did tuck them in and put protections around their room. He left, going back to ranting about Xander to Castiel. Cas thought he had it hard with Dean? He should've tried dealing with Xander, and Gabriel wasn't his guardian angel. He was just an interested spectator that had got caught watching.

***

Two days later, the president in Buckaroo's reality looks up at the yelling in the hallway. "Is it an attack?" he called. No one was coming to remove him so it probably wasn't. He stood up to walk around his desk, looking up the hallway. "Boys, I don't think that child is going to hurt me," he called. "Why are you yelling at her?"

"She just appeared, sir," one of the guards said.

"That's interesting. Bring her in here. She's probably got a reason for it." He looked at his secretary. "Can you get the wife?" he asked quietly. "Since it's a little girl?" She nodded, calling her from her office. The president looked at the child. "I'm the President. Why did you appear here, young lady?"

She looked up at him. "It's nice they have you instead of Mr. Cheney we had in our world when I first learned about US presidents. He kinda reminded you of the Penguin on Batman comics."

The president smiled. "I know who you're talking about and yes, he does. You're not from here?"

She shook her head and smiled. "No. I came here because Mr. Xander came here to be with his dad. We appreciate that and that he needed time to heal but we need Mr. Xander back because he's our trainer and he's really like a big brother to us. We won't be as good of slayers without him training us."

"Interesting."

"I saw a show...," one of the guards muttered, staring at her. "What year is it at your home?"

She looked at her watch then showed him with a grin. "That time."

"Know the year?"

She shrugged. "I'm nine. It doesn't really matter to me, like all the icky stuff he made me learn in school lessons don't." She grimaced. "I know a slayer has to know more than her weapons to survive but I really hate math class." She looked at the president again. "Can you find Mr. Xander so I can beg him to please come back?"

"If I knew his last name I could have my guards look him up while we talked."

"He came back with his dad and stepmom. Gabriel!" she yelled. He appeared, staring at her, glaring a tiny bit. She grinned. "They fixed it."

"It's going to cause a huge problem, Nessie."

She shrugged. "We can fix the problems."

"What if the vampires get people?"

"Buffy's able to deal with that. She'd just flirt and make them come for her tiny skirt. Which, yuck, I'll never understand, but she's Buffy so...." She waved her hands. "He needs to know Mr. Xander's last name so he can find him and I can't remember it. The transfer gave me a headache."

"Harris," he said, nodding at the president.

"How far over did you travel?" one of the guards asked. "And who're you?"

"I'm Gabriel. Xander tasked me with helping his mini slayers while he was on vacation." He gave them a look. "I'm sorry about her. She's a bit excitable."

Buffy stomped in with Willow behind her. "What are you doing!" she demanded, staring at the mini slayer. "Is this how Xander taught you to act? Because I'll beat his ass if he did."

"I asked very politely for help finding Mr. Xander," she said, stomping a foot. "I haven't been a bad girl yet. Little kids aren't seen as threats, even by jumpy guards like we have at home." She looked at her. "I also put on real clothes before I came here. Were you in the tub or something and just grabbed last night's bait patrol outfit? Mr. Xander told us about that stuff and it sounds weird and dangerous. I'm glad we don't have clubs where I live in Africa."

Buffy huffed. "It's a perfectly good outfit...."

Nessie pointed at herself. "I'm Nessie. Mr. Gabriel saved me from being burned by an uncle and put me with Cyndra." She pointed at the other one that had snuck in.

"You're a shame to the line," Buffy said.

"You take that back, you whore!" Nessie shouted and pushed her. "I'm not a disgrace to the line. That's the one who has parental type moments with the vampires." She sneered. "I'll never turn into the slayer you are. Thankfully. I'd have to stake myself if I slept with Spike." Buffy tried to swat her but Nessie grabbed her wrist and flipped her. "You remind me of a girl sheep's girl parts. Not even human ones but a sheep's. At least they mean to be prey for a reason." Willow tried to hit her so Gabriel stopped her and flung her up the hallway toward the doors. "Thank you, Mr. Gabriel."

He looked at her. "Xander taught you more manners," he said firmly. "He'd be ashamed."

She sighed, slumping. "I know. Slayers are sisters, even if we're not related and we don't like them. We have to respect them for having the same duty and jobs. Even Buffy because she keeps coming back." She looked at Buffy. "I'm sorry I flipped you. Mr. Xander would be very upset that we fought since we're both slayers." She looked at the president. "I'm sorry you had to see that fight, Mr. President."

"It's all right. I'm sure groups have internal strife moments." He smiled. "Why don't you sit down. I'll see if I can find Mr. Xander for you. That way you can have him back."

"He went with his dad and stepmom, who is a guy from what Mr. Gabriel said. I don't understand that but it's Mr. Xander so sometimes things are weird."

"I think that's in quotes," Gabriel said. "Like a pet name."

"Any idea who his father is?" the president asked.

"His stepmom created the portal to get them home. I don't know exactly who they are but the prophecy that brought him to our world as a kid said he was the imperfect son of the perfect man."

The president looked at his guard. "I'd start with him, yes, sir."

"I didn't think he was dealing with portals any more. Not since that 8th dimension thing." He picked up the phone. "Put me through to the Bonzai Institute. I need to talk to their leader anyway to see how bad this people transfer might become."

Buffy stood up and brushed herself off. "Right now we're only mostly merged. Willow said there were about seven things holding it from fully merging." She looked up the hall then at Gabriel. "Where did you throw her? Mars?"

"I think they stopped her when she tried to spell the whole white house, Buffy. She has no sense. I've seen fallen angels who were less asshole than she is." Buffy huffed.

"Miss Willow has no sense because the magic took over her mind. We asked about Miss Willow because Mr. Xander hadn't told us about her like he had the others at the top of the Council," Cyndra said quietly. "He told us how she was a good woman and a good witch but sometimes her ideas weren't in line with our good ideas. Including how he had stopped her once when she was really sad because her almost-wife died. Then we heard she almost refused to rescue one of the slayers being burned at the stake when Mr. Xander called her. He told us about her almost-wife too. How she was a good witch and a good woman and would've treated us like little sisters. We learned how to judge people on what they do, not who they are."

Nessie nodded, smiling at her. "We do. So far she hasn't really hurt us yet but she still does huge bad things, like causing a drought by giving someone flowers in their growing fields. It took all the water and prepared fields they had for food. Thankfully, Mr. Giles got them food to last until they could redo the fields and for the thin times it caused."

"I didn't know she did that," Buffy said.

Gabriel nodded. "Twice. Not the same way but she created a food shortage with one of the minis in Asia by trying to pretty up the land. They were horrified by magic and burned the fields and refused to use them ever again. The new ones aren't as fertile. Xander got someone out there to rebless the fields so they could use both sets."

"I didn't hear about any of that," Buffy told Nessie.

She shrugged. "Mr. Giles probably thought you didn't need to know."

"Possibly but Willow would've told me."

"She might've been banished for a bit of rehab redo," Gabriel said dryly.

"She said she had to go work with them on some spell work that was hard." She grimaced. "Yuck. Those poor people."

"Mr. Xander had the elders of Pula's village teach us how to plant things the right way so we'd never starve if we settled somewhere. Mr. Xander said that we have to know more than our weapons to make it to being adults, like you are, and to having husbands like a normal girl. The smarter we are, the more likely it'll be that we survive, outside of apocalypse battles. We just train for those because only strategy applies there."

Buffy considered it. "That's a simple way of putting it but yeah, that's the majority of real battles instead of taking out things on patrol."

Nessie waved a hand. "We don't patrol. I'm only nine and Cyndra's only twelve. Mr. Gabriel got sent to save her from the icky man her mother wanted her to marry. He was eighty." She smirked. "Mr. Gabriel saved me and gave me to Cyndra to protect, and then turned the icky man into a bunny."

"That's a good thing for a man who'd dare touch a child," the president said. "Yes, I'm still here. Where is he? Are any of the top Cavaliers there?" She connected him. "Which one.... New Jersey. I have a charming young woman in my office trying to find Mr. Xander. What does your boss know about that?" He listened, leaning back in his chair. "That's a good thing. Yes, here. I think we can wait that long, yes. I'm not doing anything but hearing rumors and signing papers today. Thank you." He put the phone on speaker.

"Here you are. Alex?" the male voice on the line said.

"Hi."

"Mr. Xander," Nessie sighed in pleasure. "You're okay?"

"My dad wouldn't let anyone hurt me, Nessie. What are you doing on this reality?"

"I came to find you. You had to run away to get healed and away from the bad, evil things that the big slayers were doing. We need to make sure you're all right."

"I'm okay," he said. "I didn't run away from the slayers. I'm working on a way to stay on-call for you girls and the battles."

"So?" she snorted. "You'd still have to put up with the bad things they do. We know they're not good to you but we're really good for you."

"You are. It wasn't just that, Nessie. I promise it wasn't you, sweetheart."

"I know it wasn't me," she snorted. "I'm a good girl."

"How did you get there?" another male voice asked.

"I asked the demon who I hold the debt chip to if he could get me near Mr. Xander so I could check on him. Apparently I'm kinda far away?"

"Two hours," Xander said. "We can be there in two hours, Nessie. Be a good girl?"

"I apologized when I flipped Buffy into the wall. Did you know she wore bait patrol outfits like regular clothes?"

"Yeah, she does that sometimes. It means she needs a new boyfriend."

"Hey!" Buffy complained. "It's a perfectly good outfit, Xander."

"I'm not getting into this argument over the phone," he said bluntly. "Gabriel?"

"Yeah, I can't move her. The almost merging of the realms is screwing with my powers. But hey, now I don't have to be as hands-on with the minis, right?"

"We'll see if that paid off that life debt," Xander complained. "I might still need some backup."

"Backup I can do, Xander. I can't do kids full time. They drive me nuts. They really do."

Nessie patted him on the wrist. "You just need to know how to handle good girls instead of mean ones. Were you dating girls like Buffy?"

"No, sweetie, I'm an angel. We don't date."

She snorted. "That's not right. Even God wouldn't make you be single for all time because being part of a relationship is what life's about according to my mom when she had sense. No one in the bible is single and doing big stuff. How can angels appreciate what they have if they don't appreciate a wife or husband?"

"It's the rules."

She snorted again. "Yeah, right. He told us about the ones having the apocalypse battle. Are they having it here?" Cyndra gasped, staring at her. She grinned. "Mr. Xander did teach us strategy." The president was laughing. "If your powers aren't as strong...."

"Some of them are probably unpowered," he said, searching for them. "On both sides. Huh. That's...." He hugged her. "It's a weird plan that's screwed up a few things. Including the two demons trying to nest under Eurasia that're slowly sinking it." He looked at Buffy. "She'll make an *excellent* slayer because she's more than her weapons." He grinned. "You deserve a reward, kid."

"Can I have a piece of the candy?" she asked with a point at the candy dish and a grin for the president.

"Sure. I only keep them for when I don't want to talk to people." He let her take a piece of peppermint, and offered it to the others. Xander was muttering on the phone. "Two hours, Mr. Xander?"

"Yes. Dad and I will be there in two hours."

"Can you get Buckaroo up here so we can talk about any ramifications?"

"Yup. He walked off to warm up the jet."

"Thank you. We'll see you then." He hung up. "Let's get you guys to a room with a comfy couch to rest in so you're not bored in here." They nodded.

"We're really sorry," Buffy said. "I'll be having a talk with them about responsible behavior."

He smiled. "I think it's charming that they love him enough to do something this huge to get him back, but I think the talk about consequences might help as well."

"Yeah, we're having that," Gabriel assured him with a grin for the girls. They followed a guard to a sitting room. It had a nice couch and a few chairs. He sat the two mini slayers down and had a long talk with them about responsible behavior. They had to have sense as slayers too, including common sense. Even if Buffy hadn't learned that yet.

***

Xander hung up and looked at the phone then at his father. "I'm kinda proud she found a way to do that. She bypassed three different apocalypse attempts by doing it."

"I'm a bit scared of that mind," Tommy said, patting his son on the shoulder. "Let's go meet your little sisters." Xander nodded, going with him to the hanger. "I'm really impressed with her problem solving," he told Buckaroo. "How old is she?"

"Nine."

"We'll make sure she gets a good education," Buckaroo said. "Including in self defense. That way she makes it as long as she possibly can." Xander nodded and buckled himself into his seat. Buckaroo flew them to DC and they landed just under two hours later. Then a short drive to the white house thanks to one of the local chapter of Blue Blazer Irregulars. "Thanks," he said with a grin.

"Is it another alien invasion?"

"Possibly some harmless demons," Xander said. "And my slayers." The guy stared at him, mouth open. Xander nodded. "They were problem solving." He got out after a grin and handing over gas money. "That way you're not short of gas later."

"Thanks, kid." He looked at Buckaroo.

"That's Tommy's son Alex."

"Wow."

"Often." He walked off behind the other two. The guards got Nessie into the office after they were shown in.

Nessie ran in and hugged him. "Mr. Xander." She sniffed him. "You smell like guy shampoo again. That's good." She cuddled into his arms. "Are you better yet?"

"I'm still healing. I have a lot of stitches but they're okay."

"Are you sure? I'll get down."

"You can cuddle. I never mind you girls cuddling when you need one." He cuddled her. "Did you apologize for bursting into the white house?"

"Yes, sir." She looked over his shoulder. "I'm sorry I disrupted things today. I didn't mean to appear to be a bad girl or be demanding or anything. I just really needed Mr. Xander back."

"I understand fully. You're young. He's important in your life."

"I'm her trainer and all-but big brother," Xander said. He kissed her on the head, turning some. "This is my dad."

"Wow, you're really pretty." She grinned. "I'm Nessie." She held out a hand. "I'm one of his mini slayers."

"I'm Tommy. It's a pleasure to meet you, Nessie." She grinned and snuggled in again. Cyndra ran in and pounced Xander to cuddle too. "Hi," he said when this one looked at him. "I'm Xander's dad."

"I'm Cyndra. I'm one of the two oldest minis." She waved. "Xander."

"Shh. I have you. Wasn't Gabriel helping enough?"

"No," they said. "We wanted you back."

Nessie pulled back. "Even though you left because of the bad big slayers who can't appreciate you and make fun of you, we still adore you and need you and love you like a big brother. We need you more than them and we can beat up the big slayers for being sheep girl parts again." Tommy cracked a laugh at that. "They can be. Or maybe cow ones. Some of them are more like cows than sheep. One's kind of like a dog's girl parts, because she's a bit more mean as a hunter, but she's still too mean."

Xander looked at her. "Why sheep?"

"Sheep are cheap and eat anything. They'll sleep with nearly anything that looks like them too. Cows are more picky and can bite back if their bull isn't to their liking. They're girl parts of them because that's all they think with." The president and Buckaroo were trying not to laugh at that certainty.

Cyndra nodded. "Faith is more like a hunting dog. She's sightly picky but she knows her prey. Buffy's a sheep. She may lead the slayers but she follows a lot of things."

"Including fashion," Xander said, staring at her when she stomped in. "What are you wearing?"

"Clothes," she growled. "Why are you wearing pink?"

"Dad's color." He pointed at him. "Dad, this is Buffy." He doubted Buffy remembered from the other night.

She looked at him. "Hi."

"Hi." He shook her hand instead of punching her in the nose. He was proud of himself. "Any idea how she merged the realms?"

"There's still some separation," Gabriel said as he walked in with Willow, who was in handcuffs. "She tried to spell the guards," he said at Buckaroo's look.

"That's a bad thing," he agreed. "Sit, Xander. You're still healing." He sat on the couch with the girls. "Nessie?" She looked up. "How did the demon you talked to do this?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. He said he had to talk to his higher ups."

Xander looked at Gabriel. "No clue," he admitted. "My powers wouldn't let me. There's seven things holding them apart. It has stopped all three of those apocalypse battles."

Xander nodded, looking at her. "We'll be discussing this plan." She nodded with a sigh, putting her head back down on his shoulder. He looked at Buckaroo then at Gabriel. "What's holding it apart?"

"Most of them seem to be safe haven spots. Five of them are."

"So, the one in Switzerland, the one in Paris, the one in Guyana, the one in Panama, and the one in Thailand?" Xander guessed.

"Not Thailand. That one's empty. It got attacked last month."

"Same battles?" He nodded. "They stop them?"

"Yup. They got staked out for the sea monster sort. It's under Hanoi now. Panama shifted theirs a bit to another cave system. They were getting known by the normals."

Xander nodded. "I knew that was going to be an ongoing problem, especially with the demon outing after the invasion of LA."

"Not our fault," Buffy said. "We just fought it. That was their plan to take over the world."

Xander nodded. "I remember hearing."

"You were the designated survivor. Quit nagging."

"Did I say anything about it?" he asked dryly.

"Kids," Tommy ordered. Xander nodded, calming himself down.

Nessie looked at him. "You were handling the pirates that wanted my mom and made her lose sense anyway." She put her head back down.

"I did, yeah. And two other higher demons that thought we were too scattered in the aftermath."

"No you didn't," Willow snorted.

"Yes he did," Nessie said, glaring at her. "I was there. I saw him doing it. You were hiding in a closet from press people. We still had work to do. He had to save me and my mom. Twice." She put her head back down. "That's why she lost her mind."

"Yeah, that trauma did make her go a bit different," Xander agreed. His father was staring at him. "What?" he asked, looking worried. "I had to handle it. They were bothering people."

"I was hoping the pirate story would be pirates like on that movie, not like Somali pirates."

"Ivory Coast pirates," Xander said with a grin.

"Still the same," Buckaroo said.

Buffy was staring at him. "Why did you do that?"

"Because they had one of the slayers hostage with the others they were treating as ransom and slaves," he told her. "Did you want me to let them keep her?"

"No, but you're a normal guy, Xander. You can't do that."

"I just blew them up, Buffy. I only had to get into one fight." She stared at him. He shrugged and grinned. "Someone has to protect the minis."

"But...you're normal, Xander."

"I had weapons. It happens. Ask the guys. Military guys can do the same thing."

"That possession."

"On. The. Job. Training," he shot back, staring her down. "I learned a lot." She slumped, glaring at him.

Nessie looked over. "Quit acting like a sheep's girl parts, Buffy. He does what he has to do, the same as we do and those hunter sorts he heard about do."

"True," Gabriel said. "I'm just glad I'm not his guardian angel." He looked at Xander. "Can we work out something to cancel that last life debt?"

"Not yet. I haven't figured it out yet. Or Castiel's."

"Crap," he muttered.

"But you can go check on the hunters, make sure they're okay and know that their apocalypse is going to be a lot more low key and you can give Dean my C-4 stash for the next time one of them ends up on another dimension."

"I...actually, that might work," Gabriel said, disappearing to talk to Castiel. He got glared at. "One of the mini slayers did it. It not only countered all three apocalypse attempts going on, but meant she got Xander back."

"Three?" Dean demanded. "What three?"

"Yours, the one in Eurasia, and the one in Asia that's a demonic mafia trying to push against the demonic protector society. Xander had started that one easing but the demonic Yakuza is pushing their luck. The one in Eurasia is really huge. Two huge demons trying to mate and make new tunnels. Pretty soon it'll be sinking Siberia and parts of eastern Europe." Sam groaned, holding his head. "Vision?"

"Headache." Sam looked at him. "Can we kill those two?"

"I'm not sure if they're helpful in any way but if you want to drag big weapons underground and then sink in some of the tunnels, sure."

Sam shook his head, looking at Dean.

"It's over there. I'm only worrying about it if it happens in the Midwest," Dean told him. "Russia's not my hunting area."

"Good point. Is there one, Gabriel?"

He looked and shrugged. "Don't know. I see some tunnels but I'm not sure if they're still here or not." He found Dean's phone and sent a text message to Xander. He got one back. "There had been one but it got driven out by the Native Americans. It went to lower Mexico and was one of the snake gods they worshiped back then," he read. "It's sleeping. Let it." He put the phone back on the table. "So not totally." Sam took the phone to save that number down.

Dean nodded, getting up to get them a beer. Sam took his with a sigh of relief. "Demonic Yakuza in the US?" Dean asked.

"Northwest. Some in Canada. A few in LA but they're not gaining any ground. The gangs there are really mean. They're trying in each big city but the local gangs aren't giving up yet. You shouldn't have to worry about it unless they take over Detroit when all the other gangs leave."

"Good," Sam said, clinking bottles with Dean. They both drank and got back to their research. "What's holding the two realms apart?"

"Five demon protection enclaves for the sort that the slayers would handle if they were dangerous, which they're mostly not. Two special ritual areas." That got a nod. "Rosenburg could probably reseparate them but she's in a snit. She got arrested by the Secret Service for trying to go after them with a spell." Dean winced. "Nessie's adorable. She called Buffy a sheep's cunt." Sam choked on his current sip of beer because he was laughing. "Called Faith a dog's cunt because she's a better hunter." Sam put down his beer and laughed into his book. "I don't really like kids but that one's great. She's nine."

Dean nodded. "Dad would've beaten us."

"Xander and she are talking about responsible plans and about how this could hurt others. We had that talk earlier. His dad's taken it over," he said, looking toward DC. "He's good. He's making her understand it." He nodded. "The slayers need that sort of help." He caught Castiel when he was flung at them. "The higher ups complaining?"

"Quite." He straightened himself out. "They do not believe a child did this."

"She did. She's nine. Nessie's a pisser." He grinned. "Are they going to keep going?"

"They're going to try to separate us by removing those blocks."

"That'll stick us together and they're mostly peaceful species protected areas." Castiel gave him a look. "I've had enough. You?" He nodded. "Go get Xander, see where his stash is, and let's handle this."

"I can do that." Gabriel sent him off. "Give us a few minutes." He followed once Xander had his stash open. Gabriel looked and blinked. "Wow."

Xander grinned. "Kinda handy when you find pirates with stuff." He picked up three things and then a case. He handed that one to Castiel. "Don't open it." He nodded. "Let's go, Gabriel." They left. Xander set off the first few things, taking out most of the angelic war council. Then he tossed the last one, breaking the case. "We need to go now." They looked at the screaming bodies and left. Xander grinned. "There's two more of those in the warehouse, Gabriel."

"I know just the demons that need it," he said, going to get those. He could use Xander's example. A few demons fled but he'd get them later if they were still causing troubles. He left before the contents of that case got to him. Xander was back at the White House being fussed at so he went there. "There are no more plans from angels to ruin those protected areas holding the realities apart. Or the other side." Buffy gaped in horror. He stared at her. "Not like I want innocent beings who are only guilty of being born on another realm or dimension to be punished for existing. Most of them aren't harmful." He looked at Xander. "I left you one."

"Thanks." He grinned. "That's the slayer's apocalypse closet."

He nodded. "It's a good thing." He disappeared. The two mini slayers were fussing over him with his father.

"Guys, I'm okay. It's just blow back from the weapons."

"How did you get weapons like that?" one of the Secret Service guards asked.

"Pirates. They had them casually laying around. I wasn't going to let others have them. The slayers sometimes need them. It seemed reasonable at the time."

"We'd like an inventory and perhaps oversight if they stay," the guard said.

"We can talk about that with Giles."

"Thank you, Mr. Harris. Or...."

"No clue which one I'm going with." That got a nod.

"Use yours, kid," Tommy said, staring at him. "I don't use mine. It's hard to spell."

Xander grinned. "I noticed that way back when, Dad." Tommy smirked at him. "You sure?"

"When you get married, take your spouse's name," Buckaroo said.

"Still sterile thanks to the whole snatching me across realities thing, and then fish taint."

"I did a scan while we had you down. We can fix that," Buckaroo said with a grin for Tommy.

"I already have grandkids. Let him find a decent lover to date to give me later ones."

"He's bi," Buffy snorted. "That would take Willow."

"We know other witches," Tommy said with a shrug then smirked at her. "Don't worry. Some day you'll almost attain my level of perfectness." He looked at his son, who shrugged.

"I know I'm not perfect, Dad. I'm really good, really dangerous, and kinda hot to the right sort, but not perfect."

He patted him on the head. "I don't expect you to be perfect but I am fixing your wardrobe."

"I managed to make Hawaiian shirts look good, Dad."

"Yes but you don't match them right. We can work on that." Xander grinned, wiggling some. The girls giggled. Buffy just groaned. "He's his own man. It's a good thing for him to find himself and his own point of zen."

"I'm usually working on weapons when I reach that state," Xander admitted.

Buckaroo stared at him. "Really?" He nodded. "Like sharpening things?"

"Or carving stakes. Simple rhythmic activities but with weapons. Someone had me try weaving and it didn't fit as well."

"Interesting. Guns?"

"Not as deep. You have to do more than swipe."

"We can help you get there soon. Maybe some tai chi to." Xander nodded. "The girls?"

"They're learning how to brawl at the moment."

"We can help with that too. I'm an excellent teacher and conveniently off rotation for the next three months for vacation."

"You need a vacation," Xander said firmly. "You're advanced training to what I'm giving them. Go somewhere nice and calm."

"I already did that and got bored after two weeks of no books." He shrugged. The president cleared his throat. "The results of the scans you had NASA do for me haven't come in yet?"

"Not yet. Why don't you take them to your place so they can rest. You can get back with me tomorrow?"

"I can do that, sir." He looked at Tommy then at Buffy. "Are you coming with us or are you going back to the other slayers?"

"I'm going back to the main council building. We need to figure out how to handle and arrange things."

"Tell Giles I'm okay."

"You have seventy-two stitches," Tommy said. "You're not 'okay' yet."

"We get that from him because we nag when he's hurt."

"You take on the thing with ninety-three arms and five claws on each arm," Xander said.

"We used a crossbow," she said smugly.

"Yeah, and it got back up after you were gone," Xander shot back. "Because it's immune from all puncturing weapons. You have to rip off a few specific arms and then bust open the inner ball." She slumped, staring at him. He grinned. "It's hard but not impossible. You just get scratched a whole lot."

"I'll tell Giles that." She looked at the guards. "Can I have Willow?"

"No. She tried to cast a spell on the guards around the President and possibly on the leader of the free world, Miss Summers. We're keeping her for a while until we can talk to her oversight committee about what she needs to do to never try that again."

"I'll tell Giles. He's over all of us." She sighed. "How am I getting home?"

Xander called someone. "It's me. Buffy's at the white house and needs to go back to Cleveland. Thank you. She's in jail. She tried to cast spells on the white house." He hung up on the gasping. "Misty." Buffy nodded and disappeared.

"How do we stop that from happening?" the guard asked Xander.

He shrugged. "I don't do that sort of magic. I'm a shaman, not a witch. Ask Giles."

"I can do that. We can have a great conference." Xander grinned. "Is he there?"

"He should be. He usually is but a few times a year he heads back to England."

"That's fine. We can find him. You guys have a good trip back." They nodded and walked out with the two girls. He looked at the president. "She's very polite. He's done a good job balancing the warrior with a normal life and being a strong woman."

"He has. I can see why they wanted him back." He grinned. "Buckaroo's not going to be bored for a long time."

"Probably not, sir," he agreed. He went to make a report to his boss. Who was having fits about Rosenburg. He waited until he had to catch his breath to step in and finish the report.

***

Buckaroo walked in first, holding up a hand. "Two of Xander's mini slayers are with us, guys." New Jersey looked over at them. Xander was carrying Nessie and Cyndra was yawning but waved at them. "The little one is Nessie. The other is Cyndra. They're young slayers." They nodded. "Let's get them up to Xander's room."

"Dinner?" Cyndra asked, blinking at him. "Xander can cook for us if he can go shopping."

He smiled at her. "We have a bunkhouse cafeteria, Cyndra. He doesn't have to cook."

"Okay. That'll be great. Nessie needs to eat soon. She's growing."

"You both need to eat." He led them to get dinner. And making Alex eat after he took his antibiotics. New Jersey came in to look at the kids. "They're good. No injuries I could see."

"That's wonderful."

"I don't let the minis fight," Xander said. "Unless they're being attacked they're not to fight. You can't even fall in for apocalypse battles until you're at least sixteen and passed most of your training." Cyndra nodded, eating another bite of spaghetti. "She's only a quarter of the way through it because until she's reached womanhood status I don't let them seriously train in more than self defense and minor 'this is how you handle it' verbal lessons."

"There's a lot of book stuff," Nessie said then smiled at him. "Who're you? I'm Nessie. I'm nine."

"I'm called New Jersey," he said, shaking her hand with a smile. "I'm a surgeon and one of the guys here."

"That's nice. What's a surgeon?" she asked Xander.

"A doctor that operates on you when you have internal injuries."

"Oh." She smiled at him. "That must be really hard."

"It is, and a lot of school, but you're very smart so you could do that if you want."

She laughed as she swatted him on the arm. "Girls don't do that stuff."

"They do here in the US."

"Really?" she asked Xander, who nodded. "Huh. Can I do that?"

"If you want to. You'll decide what you want to do when you're older and ready to go to college."

"Does that mean I'll have college patrols?"

"Yup. And maybe a few hunts in the clubs but I wouldn't let you go out like Buffy does."

"That's good. She really is like a sheep's girl parts and she was wearing really nasty clothes that showed way too much skin. Even my mother would've had a fit."

"We heard she finally agreed to put on clothes again," Xander said.

"That's cool. She needs to finish healing from what those pirates did when they broke her head." She looked at New Jersey. "Do surgeons handle that?"

"Not always. Not unless when they broke her head she needed one to go in to fix an injury."

Xander shook his head. "Mental. She had a complete break with reality during it. Came out thinking she was the African version of a dryad. It took us six months to get her out of the trees. Almost three years to put on clothes again."

"Then there's other doctors for that," New Jersey told her.

"Wow. That's a lot of doctors."

"Yes there are," Xander agreed. "Eat."

"It's rude to eat and talk at the same time."

"It is but he'll get dinner and come sit with us."

"Okay. You hurry back."

"I can do that." He grinned, going to get dinner and come back. The girls asked him all sorts of questions about US things they had heard about. By the time they were nearly asleep, Xander was done eating and New Jersey had to help him get Cyndra upstairs since Tommy was talking with Buckaroo about how to handle things. Xander got them tucked into his bed and made up the couch so he could nap. New Jersey checked his injuries then let them all rest. He went to the meeting. "The girls are in Xander's bed, he's on his couch, the injuries are healing nicely, and the infection seems to be clearing up."

"That's good," Tommy said. "It looks like I may have granddaughters."

"They have families, they told me about them, but out of the nine minis he's got under the age of womanhood, six are with foster families." He sat down. "The girls are sweet and he's done a good job keeping it from overwhelming them. He's done a lot of book work with them. He's taught them English and Latin."

"My son speaks Latin?" Tommy asked.

"He reads it." He grinned. "Nessie bragged he spoke four languages and read more than that."

"Huh. He never told me that."

Buckaroo nodded. "Or me. He still thinks he's bad in school."

"I think that was the school. Why didn't he use whatever weapons on it?"

"They blew it up once and now it's gone."

"I forgot." He shifted, crossing his feet. "How am I going to handle girls?"

"What would you have done if Alex was a daughter?" New Jersey asked.

"Put her in self defense as soon as she could walk and teach her how to dress, the same as I did him. She'd get other girlish lessons from someone like Mrs. Johnson." The guys smiled at him. "She'd never be a girl that anyone thought was weak but she'd be pretty and a good dresser."

"I think Buffy tried," Buckaroo said. Tommy snorted. "It was a fashionable outfit."

"She still looked like a club girl during the daytime. My daughter would never do that."

"Your son seems to appreciate jeans and t-shirts," New Jersey said.

Tommy nodded. "I don't mind that. He's used to being in the field, getting dirty, getting sweaty. We can make sure he matches better. And get him a haircut since today interrupted that plan." Buckaroo smiled at him for that. He shrugged. "He needs a haircut."

"Nessie said she used to help braid his hair for him."

"He told me the girls did that sometimes. What about the other girls?"

"If he needs to bring them here, we'll help him set up a house on the grounds," Buckaroo said. "That way they've got some privacy and the guys don't have to feel awkward about having girls running around." That got a nod. "Best of both worlds for you, Tommy."

"It'd be great. He's good with them. They really look up to them."

"They do. Half of what we talked about over dinner was what Xander had taught them," New Jersey said.

Buckaroo smiled. "They're charming little girls." The others nodded. "We'll handle it as it comes." They got up and went to their rooms. Tommy peeked in on the girls and his son then went to his own bed to lay there and think. His son's life was a bit more wild than being on the road with the band. And more dangerous than knowing Buckaroo when things started to happen around him. Though, the next time they had an alien invasion, Xander would probably be a huge help.

***

Xander woke up to being pounced, cuddling the thing that pounced him. Nessie cuddled in and went back to sleep. So did he until he heard someone giggling from the doorway. He blinked at them. Buffy and Faith. "She crawled in last night. Must've been nightmares." He gently poked the baby on the side, making her blink at him. "It's morning. Did you have nightmares?" She nodded, putting her head back down. "Go shower. Buffy's here with Faith." She said something in her native language, making him laugh. "Maybe but still. Go shower." He put her onto the floor. She got up and trudged to the bathroom to clean up. Xander sat up. "Any new news?"

"Her foster mother said that you kidnaped her," Faith said. "We talked with the girls over there. They told them what happened and how it was the girls doing it. She's calmed down." Xander nodded through a yawn. "You okay?"

"I'm not bad." He looked at her. "Got a slight infection in one cut so I'm on antibiotics."

"That's good. How's the real parent thing?"

"He's still a tiny bit freaked out but he's not showing it. He's fought bad things before too."

Faith nodded. "That's always helpful." She looked at Cyndra as she came out of the bedroom. "Mini mouth abandon you?"

"She kicked most of the night so I made her go sleep with Xander." She looked at Xander, who shrugged. "We all spent time hiding from nightmares with you." He nodded, grinning at her. "Breakfast?"

"Get dressed." She huffed. "Fully dressed." She nodded, going to finish dressing. Nessie ran out of the bathroom to help her do that, babbling about the shower. It had a huge showerhead that had nearly knocked her off her feet. Xander got up. "Let me shower and dress." He went to do that, bringing clothes in with him. He came out doing up his shirt. Buffy stopped him to look at his chest then at him. He looked down then at her, shrugging. "Real hyena," he said with a point at one set of scars. He grinned. "They wanted to investigate and tried to get cuddly. We cuddled most of the night." Buffy walked off shaking her head. He grinned at Faith, who swatted him on the arm. "Girls?" They came out to walk with them. "Shoes," he reminded Nessie. She ran back to grab them and put them on while sitting on the stairs. Then she bounded down to sit with them. Xander grinned at the cooks. "The two senior slayers Buffy and Faith, ladies."

"It's good to see women with real appetites instead of pretend ones," one of the cooks said with a grin. She got them plates. Xander had to show Nessie how to cut up the sausage patties. The girls inhaled their breakfast and settled in to talk with the older slayers. They hardly ever got to talk to those two unless Xander had called them.

"The hellmouth's not in Cleveland," Buffy said once she was down to her coffee. She looked at him. "Sunnydale came with us but no hellmouth there either."

"Hellmouths are built into the structure of the world. So I'm guessing the old one just transplanted here without the structures."

She nodded. "Could be. Giles is a tiny bit freaked out. Magic's weaker here." Xander nodded. "But he found stuff about aliens."

"Yup." He grinned. "Dad told me about that." Buffy shook her head. Xander smirked. "Probably won't happen again."

"Fine." She sighed, looking at him. "What if we can't unseparate it?"

"Then we'll deal. It meant that all three of the apocalypses were at least slowed. If not fully stopped in at least one case."

"That's a good thing but what about the others coming out of the woodwork?"

Buckaroo sat down with them. "There's a huge goth subculture on this realm, ladies."

"Ours too and we're a tiny bit creeped out by them," Faith said. "A lot of feeders and wannabes."

Buckaroo nodded. "We have the same here and I'm pretty sure that a lot of the problems you had stayed there. The energy readings from the spots that had problems are reading almost normal." Buffy nodded slightly. "So perhaps your duty's not going to be as hard."

"That'd be nice but did we leave a lot of people at home?"

"No. It looks like things were fully merged sometime last night. Whatever was holding it apart was eased. Not broken because two of the spots that we were watching only eased slightly but by satellite images they're still there and alive."

"What about the ones that live on magic? Will they have problems?" Cyndra asked.

"I didn't think about that," Nessie said.

"Sometimes, we act on instinct and feeling instead of logic," Buffy said. She smiled at her. "It doesn't make you bad, Nessie. You're going to be a great slayer when it's your turn. You problem solved and did what Xander does, going to odd contacts to get what you needed to do it. Even if there's some talk about why, and about your age, it was a good problem solving." Nessie grinned. "Next time, talk out stuff like that with an adult? Even Xander?"

"I will. We needed Mr. Xander though." Xander hugged her. "Thank you."

"Welcome, Nessie." He let her cuddle. "We were working on how to get me back for problems."

Buffy nodded. "I know. You wouldn't let your girls go into a real battle without you. Even when you're fighting with us."

"If you didn't treat him badly, he wouldn't be sad," Nessie told her. "You're mean to him."

Buffy sighed. "I don't mean it to be mean, Nessie. I want to protect Xander. He gets hurt."

Nessie nodded. "So do slayers when we do our duty. I'm pretty sure everyone does when they hunt demons. Still, he's a big boy and he has the right to decide those things. When I'm older, I'll have the right to decide things too. He taught me that."

"You both do," she agreed.

Faith nodded. "We hate seeing him hurt."

"Watchers get hurt," Cyndra said. "He's a watcher too."

"Some of them have more training and we don't let the ones without training into the field."

"Which is why I had a whole continent's slayers underneath me," Xander said. "It's something we've all said needed to be sped up."

"They're taking lessons. The first group is coming out of hard training next month. Then you'd have six watchers underneath you."

"We'd have to meet them because we don't want mean ones," Nessie said.

"We've already made sure they won't be mean. We taught them the Xander method," Faith said, patting her on the head. "It'll be okay. Then Xander can fall back to more training and hovering like a big brother, and sometimes huge battles."

"Does that mean I have to go back to Cyndra's family?"

Buffy frowned. "What happened to yours?"

"Her uncle found God," Xander said dryly. "Gabriel had to save her from being burned."

"Nope, not allowed," Buffy said. "I'll talk to your foster mom myself, and Cyndra's for trying to set her up with an old guy who leered." Cyndra smiled. "You're twelve. Much too young to have a boyfriend, much less a husband."

"Especially one that old," Xander agreed.

"How old?" Buffy asked. "We heard older."

"Eighty," Cyndra said. "Gabriel turned him into a bunny."

"I like that angel guy," Faith decided. She smiled at her. "Hell no you can't have a husband at your age. If someone else tries, you kick ass."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good." She looked at Buffy then at Xander. "Giles said he's hiring another thirty people to take over all your jobs. He's not sure about your weapons stash but he's amused that we might need it."

"Next week by the vision I sent over before that night," Xander said quietly.

"He was hoping you were running a fever," Buffy said. Xander gave her a look. "I know," she huffed. "Dumbass bad guys." She and Faith looked up. Xander looked around with a hand going to his hidden weapons. "Magic," she said, finding her knife. Faith nodded. "Girls, if it's a bad thing, hide behind the adults and take Xander's friends with you." They nodded, getting up and pulling Buckaroo with them. Willow appeared looking pissed off. "Hi, Willow. Big problems?"

"We can't do this. It's not right. These ones aren't right." She pointed. "They're a movie."

"We're a show to them," Xander said.

One of the Blue Blazer Irregulars behind Willow knocked her out. "Saving the world from being destroyed," he quipped. "She's got something blinking on her belt."

Xander hopped up to look, frowning as he took it to disarm. "Nope, she doesn't need that."

His father took it with a grin. "Neither do you. Good work, Ham." He walked it over to Buckaroo, who looked it over.

Xander shrugged. "It's not one of mine. I didn't have that in any of the warehouses."

"Any of," his father said, turning to look at him. "How many weapons were you hoarding?" Buffy and Faith burst out laughing. "It's not funny. I don't want him in prison for that."

"He's got presidential permission at home," Faith said. Buffy looked at her. "He does. We have permission to use them in case of emergency." Xander nodded, sitting down again. The girls glomped onto his sides again.

Buffy looked at Xander. "Why didn't I know this?"

"It was announced, you were complaining about your nails and weapons not being for slayers."

"Oh, okay. I probably had massive amounts of demon goo under them again." She shrugged. "It happens in my life."

"We know," Faith said dryly, patting her on the shoulder. "Your nails have their own mini slayer comic." Buffy snorted, shaking her head.

"They're really funny," Nessie told her. "Your thumb keeps complaining that he gets more dirt than the others because of how you hold your stakes. But the ones about your clothes are funnier. Especially when your skirts complain that they're supposed to hide things and can't because you're kicking people in the face."

Buffy groaned, putting her head on the table to shake it. "Oh my god," she moaned.

Faith grinned at the girls. "I'm so glad that the mini Cinderella wench does that one." Buffy sat up to stare at her. "You didn't know that she drew comics?"

"I didn't think she drew comics about me."

"Yup," Faith said with an evil smirk. "Your bras keep complaining that you never use them so you must hate them. You buy a whole bunch of them and they're prettily waiting on you but they never get used."

"I need to date, they're for dates."

"They're for everyday life," Xander shot back. "Before you flash another thing you're fighting." Buffy blushed, shrinking down. He looked at Cyndra. "When it's your turn, we'll get you one you want to wear."

"My people strap ours down. It takes longer and it's not comfortable but they don't bounce."

"Not bouncing is good while on patrol," Faith said. "It helps you not get hurt. We had one girl rip a pec muscle from bouncing." Buffy grimaced but nodded. "They had to stitch the muscle together so it'd finish healing."

"Ow," Xander muttered, rubbing his chest. "She okay?" Buffy nodded. "Good. Tell her I said to get well."

"I can do that." She leaned her elbows on the table, staring at him. "Now what?"

He shrugged. "I don't know."

"Uh-huh. Did you foresee her doing that?"

"Not a single vision."

She nodded. "Okay. There's been some whining and some serious complaining." Xander nodded. "The girls get to modify their rotations."

"If the problems are less, the girls get to have a better life," he said.

"They'll like that," Buffy agreed, smiling at Faith then at the younger slayers. "Some would like to be more normal. Some of us have been doing this for a long time."

"They'll still need trained. There's still problems," Xander said. "I have no doubt there'll be another apocalypse attempt this spring. Just like every other year."

"Every year?" Buckaroo asked.

"Usually there's a few," Buffy said. "We have one or two we can't hide and be subtle about. We have at least one other one that's more silent but still deadly."

"Like farts," Nessie said. Xander looked at her. "Oops. Sorry, probably not nice to talk about those things." She hid her face in Xander's shoulder.

He patted her on the back. "Usually boys talk about those things." She laughed.

Buckaroo looked at Buffy. "Can we get an account of what's happened?"

"You haven't stolen Xander's patrol journal? He sends it to Giles every few months for reports."

"None with me since I got summoned," Xander said. "My axe is with Cala."

Buffy pulled out her phone to call her. "It's Buffy. Do you still have Xander's patrol journal and axe? He'd like it back. No, there was a higher demon who summoned him and a few demon hunters to kill them so they'd resurrect something else. Xander went home for a few days to rest since he has cuts. Yeah, from the thing with the arms. I thought we called and told all you girls about that. I have no doubt his dad had to drug him so he'd stay in bed. You know how Xander is," she said dryly. "That and his dad's been fussing and we only merged realms last night thanks to Nessie." Cala told the others. "Yeah, he's here and okay. Cyndra and Nessie are cuddling him like he'll disappear again."

"Next time, don't be so mean to him and Mr. Xander won't have to run away to get better," Nessie said, taking the phone. "Hi, Brie. I knew it was you, Cala never answers the phone." She grinned. "He's okay. We made sure he's okay and now we're all with him here. His daddy and his daddy's friends are all worried about apocalypses and wanted his journal since Mr. Xander is being a man and not telling things like that. His daddy might get upset like our parents do. Ours fuss each time we get hurt, his would too because he's a daddy." She kissed him on the cheek. "There, from Brie and Cala." She snuggled in again. "Yup, he could use it. He's got stitches and antibiotics. No, one of his daddy's friends is a surgeon. He treated them to make sure Mr. Xander would be okay."

"I'm one too," Buckaroo told her.

"Really? That's weird that there's more than one doctor in a town."

"Hospitals have dozens of doctors in one town," Xander told her. He took the phone. "Hey, Brie. No, the great blue blinky ball of higher demon tried to get me and two hunters to sacrifice one of us to bring back another higher being. Then Willow showed up." She shuddered and told the others, who all moaned. "So I came home for a bit to rest and recuperate and tell my dad about you girls." He grinned. "That's sweet of you, sweethearts. Thank you for trying to honor me that way." He smiled. "Please. New Jersey at the moment." She laughed. "Thanks. Yup, I got both of them, Buffy, and Faith here right now. We're having a conference. That'll work if she can. Thanks, dear. Yup, behave. Please?" He grinned. "Sure. Whichever of you shows up." He hung up. "One of them will show up for meetings."

"That'll help," Buffy agreed. "We need all the active slayers to show up for a meeting anyway."

A new slayer appeared. She had short black hair, mostly straight but it was only two inches long. She had skin the color of dark roast coffee and was wearing a pair of camp shorts and a tank top with hiking boots. She held a spear in one hand and a pack in the other. She smiled. "Ladies."

"Hi, Cala," the girls said.

"Wow, Cala, new boots?" Buffy asked.

"I found them last month. My last ones fell apart thanks to the acid spitters." She handed Xander his pack. He hugged her. "We're glad you're all right."

"I'm glad I'm all right and so are you," he said, pushing her back to look her over. "Brie?" She nodded. "Good work from the mini witch."

"My sister has sense. Even if she does have magic." She nodded at the others. "I'm Slayer Cala. Senior slayer in Africa."

"Buckaroo Bonzai," he said, holding out a hand with a smile. "Xander is Tommy's son. I watched him before he got stolen to your realm."

She shook his hand. "You're a movie."

"You're a show to us in this realm."

"Huh. Interesting."

Tommy took the bag from his son. "I'll have stuff washed, Xander."

"Check the pockets," Cyndra quipped. "Sometimes things get shrunk on him."

He looked in it then at his son. "I can do that." He walked off with the bag. The clothes got tossed into the wash, he even avoided his urge to throw most of them out. Then he pulled out all the things in the many pockets. He found the journals. Those got put aside. He found the miniature weapons. He poured that pocket onto the table so he could look over them. A sword. An axe. The rest were in tiny boxes. He searched the rest of the pack, finding two herb pouches. He sniffed them and sneezed so put them aside. He'd ask later. He found one small vial that looked suspiciously like drugs and put that into his pocket for now. He'd talk to his son in a minute. He took the axe back in there. Xander took it and his touch made it grow. He cuddled it around the slayers, making them all smirk at him. "Son, the herb things?"

"Mix it with the vial of stuff, make into a tea, drop into a dream quest or handle the post vision bleedover whenever I touch things and get feelings from them." He looked at him. "The herbs as a tea work somewhat for the post-vision headaches. It's the only thing that does. We've tried everything."

"Everything?" Buckaroo asked.

Xander nodded. "One of my ex's got me a lot of stuff to try, illegal and not, and nothing helped. I was out of the herbs. We finally got that and she accidentally used the same cup so we found out. But it works and that's what's important most of the time."

"How often do you have visions?" Buckaroo asked.

Xander shrugged. "It varies. The stronger ones, which are almost always short ones, leave me with funny bleedover from touching things like tables or the bed or people. That kills it."

"How often do you have to do the full treatment instead of just the tea?"

"Sixteen visions in the last six months. Three of them were bad." Buckaroo and Tommy were both staring at him. "After the last one, I was tasting colors that were ringing everything. Tasting auras is really wrong."

"Yeah, it would be. You're having a CT tonight."

"The ones who send them aren't as powerful here either," Buffy said. "He's lucky. We know one seer that got killed by her visions. We know one that had debilitating migraines before he died and passed them onto the other one. The Powers That Be send them with pain so you don't mistake them for daydreams."

"The dream ones slayers get are weird," Cala said. "Very unusual and I can't sleep afterwards." Xander gave her a pat on the arm. "If he's around, he gets them over us to spare us for the battle he sees. We adore him for that and feel great pity he has to suffer. He only uses the tea for the bigger ones. Out of the sixteen he's only used it four times?" Xander nodded. "So one that didn't need the extra stuff we pretend not to see him drop into the tea."

"Drugs?" Buffy asked.

Xander looked at her, nodding. "It helps for some reason. I don't know why. I don't know how. I don't know why it makes the herbs work better. But when you're to the point of begging to be beheaded because of a two minute vision, you'll do anything to make it stop."

"We're doing a CT in an hour," Buckaroo ordered.

"Yes, sir."

"Thank you. Is there anything that blocks them?" The girls all shook their heads. "At all? Nothing like a protection, an electrical field?" Xander shuddered. "Tried?"

"Yup. Had one of the worst yet. The shaman were feeding me that tea before I woke up two days later." Buckaroo stared at him. Xander pointed at his eyepatch. "When it got popped it apparently opened up that gift."

"If that's a gift, I'd hate to see a punishment," Tommy said.

"Me too," Xander agreed. "I can't get to where they are to blow them up either." His slayers all patted him. "Thanks, girls. I haven't had one in a week."

"Good!" Buffy agreed. "Did we hear about the last one?"

"I faxed it."

"Then Giles has to have it." She looked at Cala. "How's it been since yesterday?"

"Quiet. I haven't seen a single non-peaceful demon." She looked at the cuddly ones. "What did you two do anyway? One of the demon priests said it was you two."

"Mr. Xander was on this realm," Nessie said. "We need Mr. Xander in our lives or else we won't be as good of slayers. He's our brother."

"He is," Cala agreed. "How did you do that?"

"I asked the demon that my emergency pendant went to." She grinned when Buffy groaned. "He went to talk to his friends."

"Why?" Buckaroo asked.

"I played poker and got them a single use emergency pendant to help them get out of bad trouble," Xander told him. "They go to different ones."

"Poker with demons?" Buckaroo asked.

"Kitten poker," Nessie said with a grin. "He taught all of us how to play for information and sometimes really cool stuff that can help during big problems."

Buffy nodded. "We do the same thing for information."

"They play poker for kittens?" Buckaroo asked.

"You can bet cash," Buffy said. "Or weapons or gems, or cats." Buckaroo walked off shuddering. "Kitten poker is really weird for normal people." She looked at Xander. "How much of your stash is from that?"

"Half. The rest is stuff I picked up as I was handling problems around me."

She nodded. "Giles read something about pirates and went to have a drink for three days."

"He saved my mom but her head was broken," Nessie said. "She's back to wearing clothes finally."

"I read that," Faith said. "It's a huge step forward." Nessie grinned at her. "Why don't you go get a piece of fruit for each of you. You could probably use fruit." She wiggled down and ran up to get them, smiling at the cook for handing them to her. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. I put apples in there for you three older ladies too." Buffy grinned and waved for that. The girls all ate and talked while Tommy dragged his son off to the infirmary again.

***

"We caught him having one during the CT," Buckaroo said when he joined the girls for lunch. He put down the papers he had written out on what Xander said. Buffy looked at it and grimaced. She handed them to Faith, who muttered something rude, then passed it on.

"If we must fight strange creatures, so be it," Cala sighed. "Can't be any worse than an invasion of demons." Buffy nodded. "We can handle that." She handed them back to Buffy. "Is Xander resting?" Buckaroo nodded. "That's good. Was it a bad one?"

"He said it was a medium one. We gave him stuff to help with the pain and let him sleep."

"That helps sometimes," Buffy agreed. "Most migraine meds won't."

"Cordy said acid helped once but not after that," Faith said. "Wes told me before he died."

"Cordy ascended," Buffy said. "That saved her, even if she did try to go half-demon to save herself from them. At least she's happy with her tentacles."

"X did say she was a happy floating squid girl," Faith agreed. "Will he need that?"

"Fish taint," Buckaroo said dryly. The girls relaxed and grinned. "Is there anywhere we can get comparison scans?"

"Ask Giles. I think he took Cordy's medical records when he heard why she was dying," Buffy said. She pulled out her phone to call him. "It's us. Xander's dad's friend wanted to know if you had anything to compare Xander's head scans to. No, new vision. Huge flying head that's maybe an alien. Yup. That's where we are. Cala's here too." She looked at her. "He said your last reports are late."

"It's been quiet. I mailed them instead. No faxes where I was."

Buffy repeated that. "He said that's fine." She listened. "No, Willow's still unconscious. Brie sent Cala, Giles. Thank you. That'll probably work. I'll tell them how to get into Xander's email. Thanks." She hung up and wrote down the address. "That's Xander's email."

Buckaroo smiled, taking it to the lab so he could pull them up. He had a code breaker program to break his password. The scans showed up a few minutes later and he pulled them up to compare to Xander's. They were marked by name of who they were. The one marked Chase, Cordelia was horrifying. He called in New Jersey and Tommy, who was swearing while reading his son's journal. He had locked himself in a room so none of the guys could watch him losing his mind over his son's exploits. He laid out the different scans by date. They had three of Cordelia's. They had two of some person named Doyle that didn't look fully normal beyond the vision damage. There were three others that looked bad, and another of Xander's. He got out of the way.

"Is this one in a coma?" New Jersey asked, pointing at one.

"Buffy said she ascended after trying to go half-demon to save herself. She described her as a glowing squid girl."

New Jersey looked at him then at the boy on the bed. He compared Xander's old one to his new one. "Less damage."

"He's got that fish taint so he's not fully human," Tommy said, staring at them. "Is that big black lump a tumor?"

"No blood flow," Buckaroo said quietly.

"Basically, brain damage to an extreme level," New Jersey said.

Tommy looked at his son's brain. "He doesn't have one."

"He has one tiny one but it's in the area of visual processing," New Jersey said with a point. "That could be where his eye was removed and he's not using it. It's not as bad as the other ones or as deep it looks like."

Buckaroo looked at the first one. "I have no idea why his is so different."

"He was a half demon," Xander mumbled. "Half bracken. He kissed Cordy and passed them to her before dying." He blinked at them, making himself sit up even though he groaned.

"Lay down," New Jersey ordered.

"Can't leave the girls alone. They'll go on a fact finding mission. They'll start to think the BBI are neat pets." He blinked at them. "That wasn't a horrible level of vision." They all stared at him. "I've had a lot worse, guys. Really. One of the worst was only a minute long and I ended up in the hospital afterward. They thought I had relapsed with the thing I had just gotten out of having." He came over to look, staring at things. "Cordy, Michelle, who is slowly dying of hers. Hers is hereditary. She's got other health issues that are making the visions hit her harder. She was thinking about a lobotomy to stop them but it wouldn't work. That's Chance. He's an asshole. Wannabe surfer dude who's a douchebag. He only sees immediate problems like fires in his area. Most of the slayers walk away from him because he's slimy. We feel sorry for his visions but not that much." He compared his, then grimaced. "Five years and less than a hundredth of what Cordy had over three years."

"Three years?" Buckaroo demanded. "That was three years?"

"Yeah. Visions every few weeks." He looked at him. "That's why she went half-demon. To try to stop that. Doyle passed his on and it treated her like it did him. Way too strong for pure humans. So I guess the fish taint may've had a reason." He grimaced. "Yay." He leaned closer to his. "There's a dot."

"That's in your visual processing area," Buckaroo said.

Xander looked at him. "My eye?" He nodded. "Not my fault the minion popped it." He sighed. "He said I saw too much and no one listened to me. He was right." He shrugged. "I'm not dying of them. I have years before I die of them."

"Can they be passed on?" Tommy asked.

Xander looked at him. "Would I curse someone else with these?"

"I... I wouldn't," he admitted. Xander hugged him. "Go back to sleep."

"I have to save everyone from the girls asking questions."

"I've got 'em," Tommy said. "Go back to sleep." He pointed at the bed. Xander grumbled but went to bed. Tommy looked at Buckaroo, who waved him off. He'd run more tests on Xander to see how badly injured he was underneath the skin. Tommy gave himself a break from the bad reading he was doing. The girls spotted him and grinned. "Let's go outside. We have trees and fresh air." They nodded, going with him. The girls were more than happy to go play in the trees. The younger ones needed to wear out energy. Cala was teaching them how to climb trees. Buffy watched them while the girls talked Faith into playing tag when they were tired of climbing.

Nessie pounced him, pinning him down. "Is Mr. Xander not okay?"

"He's resting from the vision. He's been up but I sent him back to bed."

"He does that to us sometimes," Nessie said, kissing him on the cheek. "You're a nice dad." She ran off again.

He sat up, dusting his shirt off. "You're a pretty neat kid." She grinned at him and pounced Buffy, making her yelp. Tommy had to laugh. Buffy was a bit uptight. It was good for her to play too.

New Jersey came out with a pitcher of juice and some plastic cups. "Girls, juice." They ran over to pounce him for it and walked off drinking. He sat beside Tommy, looking at him. "He's in really good shape," he said quietly. "He could have a lot more injuries. Buckaroo found a tiny little tattoo that unhid some more scars, including one around his eye. After he took scans of everything he redid it." Tommy nodded. "We found a few breaks the old scans hadn't caught, all healed. We found a slight dent in one vertebrae, looks older. That may be why he tries to pop his neck sometimes. We caught some disc compression starting. Probably from all the walking he does and the training."

"But he's good?"

"He's good. He's probably having happy dreams. Buckaroo let him have his axe to cuddle."

"He sleeps with it," Buffy said, coming over with the glasses and pitcher. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He smiled. "How long has he slept with his axe?"

"Since after he dumped Anya at the altar but I'm not sure when exactly. It's like his teddy bear sometimes." She went back to the girls.

Tommy nodded. "I saw that in his journal. He wanted her to be happier than they showed him they'd be."

"We all know that relationships are hard. Or else most of us wouldn't be single." He shifted. "Where is Penny?"

"This month? Japan. She left for a trip because she was feeling less than adequate to be in his life. Again." That got a nod because they'd all seen her have self-esteem dips and New Jersey took the stuff inside. The older slayers were teaching the two younger ones about the weapons they were carrying. At least Faith had regular knives. Buffy had a scythe for some reason. Cala had her spear. When Xander stumbled out he still had his axe so the girls got to pet it and help him sharpen it.

"You have to love a weapon that helps you defeat a god," Nessie said. "Can Mr. Xander's axe and your scythe cuddle up to make baby weapons, Buffy?"

"I don't think baby weapons are made that way," she admitted. The girls all giggled. "But mine's a specially blessed slayer weapon so maybe. I don't know."

"I tried to come up with a hybrid weapon but it didn't work too well," Xander admitted. "I made a new staff weapon. You could have a sword blade or an axe head on the other end of the handle from the scythe end."

"Sounds like something I want to try," Faith said.

"I sent Giles the diagrams so he can have a tester made," Xander said. Then he yawned again. "I'm fine," he said at the stares.

"Sure, and we're princesses," Faith said dryly. "Go nap off the headache, X." He nodded, getting up and taking his axe up to his couch bed.

"We take good care of him and make him do things like eat and rest," Tommy told them. They grinned at him and Nessie ran over to hug him then ran back to pounce Faith, who rolled around with her wrestling. You had to grin because the girls were adorable. Even if it seemed like he had some young daughters to help his son raise.

***

Buckaroo was sitting there when Xander woke up again. He stared at him for a moment. "The girls have their own room next door."

"They can share mine. They're used to sharing."

"They're sharing one together. That way they don't have to deal with girl things in front of you. Buffy asked." Xander rolled his eyes but sat up. Buckaroo pushed him back down. "Was the plan to move them here to stop those apocalypses?"

"No. I was kinda hoping that you could do that doorway so I could go back and maybe recruit some more good help for the girls. Especially guys who are about ready to retire so they can do watcher duty. Giles hired some but they can't handle the backwoods. They can't handle hard times. They can't handle it if the corrupt military unit shows up in a village looking for victims, slaves, and stuff to steal about the same time as the local rebel group does. I think most of the ones Giles hired will faint at the sight of a gun. I was hoping you could help me find some."

"I'd be more than happy to help you get the girls help. So she came up with that one...."

"A lot of people think Nessie is mine." He grinned. "I'd gladly formally adopt her."

"She's a good kid. We adore her. She got free of Buffy and went to talk to the younger set of Blue Blazer Irregulars about what they did. She got scared of one that said he was military but he explained the difference between our military and theirs."

"I've done that once or twice too."

"They've got some fans among the guys." He leaned forward. "You needed to do this earlier."

"I couldn't do it earlier without doing some sacrificing. With that one demon dying and then Willow being there, I could power the call in of the life debt. Gabriel wanted things to be stopped too, that's why they killed him. Now he's not and he's helping the hunters thing end." Buckaroo nodded. "I had the idea how to do it once I found out why I got snatched, but I couldn't do it without sacrificing some people ritually."

"That's a hard thing I don't want to deal with either." He stood up. "Your dad's reading your journal."

"Should I hide?"

"He's not angry. He was earlier but he's calmed down and read more. Now he's a bit depressed. You might want to go remind him you survived."

"I can do that then hide."

Buckaroo smiled. "You can hide from me too because I'm reading them after him."

"I can go to Cleveland."

"Nope." He stood up. "C'mon, it's dinner."

Xander nodded, going down with him to eat. He walked up behind his father and hugged him from behind. "I survived." He read what he was reading and snorted. "That was happy times." He went to get his own plate.

"Get back here once you've got food," he said quietly. It was clearly his version of the dad voice. He looked up to find all the slayers staring at him. "The traveling show." Nessie giggled. "Have you guys met any of the future watchers?"

"They're not allowed near us until they pass a lot of training and someone makes sure they're not assholes," Cala said. "We don't need more of them in our lives."

"Good point," Tommy said. "Has anyone talked to you about them?"

"Mr. Xander let us see pictures Mr. Giles sent," Nessie said. "Mr. Xander's not sure if they're going to come to us or not."

"That's because most of them would run at the sign of a gun being pointed at them," Xander said, sitting next to his father. "What bothered you about that?"

Tommy looked at his son. "Triplets."

"They were nice to me."

"What about a single relationship, son?" he sighed.

"I haven't had one of those since mine with Anya. It was like it broke me in a few ways. Including my stamina issue. I have way too much stamina."

"It doesn't help during shopping trips," Cala teased.

"That's because I'm not a girl," Xander shot back with a smirk. "Girls shop, I only help you carry stuff."

"Is that where that ...built up stash went?"

"Do you think someone else made sure their villages could eat?" Xander asked, looking at him. "Most of them were having thin times. Some of them are still having thin times."

"That's kind of you," Tommy said. "I admire that. How much did you save for yourself?"

"Traveling expenses. Fixed the jeep. Had to buy a truck when the jeep got ruined by a demon smashing it to pieces. Then I had to replace all the clothes and most of the weapons in there. About ninety percent went to the slayers or their villages." He ate a bite of dinner and stared at it. "What's that?"

"Pineapple."

"Huh. Been a while since I had those." He shrugged and ate it. The girls grinned and ate it too. He looked at them. "You three need to eat everything you can unless it's poisonous." They sighed but nodded and dug in. Cala got seconds on the rice dish. The cook gave her a short stare then added more meat too. The girl grinned and bounced back to her seat. "Thanks," Xander called. "They need to eat more."

"They're good girls," the cook said.

Tommy looked up as the chow house's door opened and a blonde woman flounced in. "He's in the lab," he called.

She flinched, looking at him. "Tommy. I didn't hear you were dating. Did you already adopt kids with him?"

He stared at her. Sometimes he wondered why Buckaroo was drawn to this slightly ditzy blonde woman. "This is my son Alex," he said blandly. She gasped, staring at him. Xander grinned and wiggled his fingers at her. "These are some of the slayers he's training. We finally got him home and they came looking for him."

"Oh, wow. I heard there were girls in the bunkhouse finally, I came to help them settle in." She came over. "Hi, I'm Penny."

"I'm Cala, this is Cyndra and Nessie." She shook her hand.

"Nice to meet you, Miss Penny," Nessie said, shaking her hand with a smile. "Excuse us while we eat. It's hungry time."

"I'm sure it is. Buckaroo's in the lab, Tommy?" He nodded, stuffing his mouth. "Thank you. Nice to meet you, Alex." She went to find her spouse. He looked up and smiled when she walked into his engineering lab. "I met Alex and his slayers?"

"Long story." He kissed her and she leaned against his side. "He finally found his way home."

"That's good. I'm sure Tommy's happy to have him back."

"He is. They're trying to get to know each other again. He's not the cute little guy that used to crawl into our laps and ask us to read him something." He smiled, going back to what he was studying.

"What's this?"

"Energy readings from the realm where Xander was."

"Like when the aliens were here?" she asked, pulling back to look up at him.

"No. Their realm merged with ours thanks to the girls wanting Xander back and the way he got back." She moaned. "We're working on it but it seems to have lessened a lot of problems they were having with demons."

"Demons?"

"Yup."

"Like on that tv show?"

"Yup. We thought that was Alex. We're a movie to them. He showed it to his girls." He grinned. "Nessie asked me what music was for. She's really smart."

"That's...that's a great thing." She pulled away, looking at him. "Now what happens?"

"He's home, they're all home since the realms merged. It stopped a few huge problems going on over there. Alex said it stopped some future problems too. We're foreseeing one problem still but the girls think they can handle it. Xander wanted help to recruit for watchers who can handle the rough living with the girls who live in their native environments."

"Some of the Irregulars could," she agreed.

"A few who retired would make excellent training watchers." He grinned. "We're still figuring things out, Penny. Relax." She nodded, hugging him again. He hugged her back.

***

Cala woke Xander up. "You need to talk to the local enclave. They've sent for you." He nodded, getting up and grabbing a t-shirt to pull on then his sneakers. He weaponed up with his lighter duty ones and followed her out. They could jog there. It was only a mile. The Irregular on the gate gave them an odd look but Xander waved it off. The guard decided they were sneaking off for something less than harmful so it was okay. Cala walked into the bar first. Xander followed after her.

"Xander," some of them called.

"Wow, make me feel like Norm, guys," he cracked, grinning at them. "What's up?" He sat down at a table full of demons he mostly knew. They went over what had happened and more about his family's weird things. Now they knew why Xander was the way he was. It made so much more sense when put against what his dad's people did. Cala had a soda, played a few hands of kitten poker but refused to take the cat home with her, and got information on the local community for Xander since he was chatting. Then they went back to the compound like nothing had been going on and went back to bed.

***

Penny came out of the chow house the next morning with a cup of tea, pausing by the guys she hung out with sometimes. "Why did Alex grab his forehead and fall down moaning? It wasn't a seizure and he said it wasn't that important. I ran into Tommy and told him but he looked horrified."

"He's got visions," one of them said, hopping up and running out back. "Tommy!"

"Got him," he called. "Get a gurney? I knocked him out when he kept complaining."

"Got it." He called that in. Buckaroo jogged out to help Tommy carry him inside.

"He doesn't usually get two in a row," Nessie said from her spot in a tree. The guys looked up at her. "Cala said to sit up here and to make sure that I'm not attacked. She ran off for the gate to stop the demon." She grimaced. "Cyndra went with her even though Cala said not to." Guys ran for the front gate. The two girls were in a fight with the three demons. Cyndra was limping but she stabbed the demon. Cala got the second one and then kicked the third while leaning on her spear, then spun it around to stab him. She kicked his head off his neck and looked at the car. Cyndra was looking at something and disarming it by the time Buckaroo got out there.

"Don't touch the bombs," Buckaroo ordered.

"Xander taught me to disarm them." She frowned, cutting the right wire and getting out of the way when the men moved her. "It's off. Cala, we need to check the trunk and stuff to see if there's anything the villages could use."

"We will once the guys are done," she said, leaning on her spear. "Didn't I say to stay with Nessie?"

"You needed help."

She snorted. "Really? You're limping, your wrist looks swollen. You've got a black eye coming up."

Cyndra huffed. "I may be young but I'm a slayer just like you are, Cala, and there's been ones that went on full patrol by my age."

"Then they died young," she shot back. "Sit down before I tell Xander on you."

Tommy stomped over. "Next time, tell us and we'll help," he told them, looking at each of them. "Cala, you're limping. Go to the infirmary and wait on someone to check your kicking ankle." She ducked her head. "You did okay. We're all really impressed. Not one of us could kick someone's head off their neck. You're still limping and clearly coming down from the adrenaline." He pointed. "Go hover over Xander until one of the docs comes in to check you over." She nodded, going inside. He looked at the other one, squatting down to get on her level since she was sitting on the ground pouting.

"Hey," he said more gently. She looked up at him. "You're too young to have to fight. That's an adult job and plenty of us would've taken them on to protect you girls. We do it for the boss, we'll do it for you." She blushed and ducked her head again. He pushed her chin back up. "You're too young and you jumping in that way makes all of us guys feel unnecessary and weak. We want you training so you last until you're at least Buffy's age. If not older." She nodded. "What's Xander's rule on that?"

"No battles until we're passed our training and at least sixteen unless we're under attack or it's protecting the group we're in," she said quietly.

"That's sensible. You're stronger when you're older. You're faster, you're more trained. Right now, you're good. At sixteen or even eighteen you'll be great. We want you to make it to great."

She hugged him. "You nag like Xander too. Thank you."

He patted her on the back. "Welcome. Let's get you checked over."

"Slayers heal. We have faster healing."

He looked at her. "I'll have Xander spank you if you don't go get your injuries checked and then I'll do it too since you're like his kids and that'd make me your grandfather. Even if I am a cool one." She grinned and blushed, getting helped up so she could head for the infirmary. He waited until they were gone to huff and look at Buckaroo. "My son probably does the same thing."

"Yup."

"We need to give them more support."

"He wanted help finding new watchers who could take over some of the girls living in native regions." Buckaroo was trying not to smile at the frustrated father. They were quickly coming up on the huge hissy fit that Tommy could throw.

"We know some guys who could. I'll introduce them to Mr. Giles." He walked off. "Both the girls had small combat injuries."

"I'll be there in a minute. Let me make sure there's no more weapons." He waited until Tommy was back inside the building to smile. "Tommy was the same way when he was Alex's age." The guys all grinned. They stripped the car of anything not original to it and brought it inside for the girls to go through. Nessie plopped down in front of the pile to sort things out. Everyone let her. She seemed to know what she was doing. The two slayers were having sprained things wrapped. Xander was sedated, he was snoring. Cala was on the end of Xander's bed. Cyndra was on the next bed over, which had been moved closer to him. "Let's check things over, ladies." They sighed but let him look over the injuries. New Jersey was fussing over them. Once they were released he brought them to the sitting room. "You guys said you needed to sort stuff."

Nessie pointed. "That's the pile of useful things for the villages. That pile I don't know what it is. That one's papers and Mr. Xander usually has to go over those." Buckaroo settled in to help by going over things. He confiscated two more weapons but ignored the girls pouting.

"Girls, those are weapons," Penny said with a grin. She didn't want to upset them.

"We're slayers, ma'am, we all know weapons," Nessie said politely. "We're all trained to handle weapons if necessary and once we're on patrol we use them nightly. Even if most of the time we use bladed weapons instead of guns, sometimes guns come in handy. Especially when things like snakes can sneak into your village to bite you or other not-fast-enough things." Penny stared, mouth open.

"That's their life, Penny," Buckaroo said quietly. "Xander trained them all in how to handle things to keep themselves safe in Africa." She slumped. "They're not shopping girls. They study, they train for their future duties, and they're expected to last as long as possible."

"That's why the first rule is there's no permission to die," Nessie agreed. The other girls nodded. "We're not allowed to die, no matter what."

"That's a good, hopeful thing," Buckaroo said, giving her a hug. "I hope you're a grandmother, Nessie."

"Eww, having kids is gross. I had to watch one of the women have hers so I'd know what happens. It was so gross!"

Cala patted her on the back. "Yes it is."

"If you want a husband, he'll want at least two," Cyndra said. "One son to carry on his name and a daughter to marry off. That's why I don't want to be married. I'd have to train my daughters like Xander trained us and a husband wouldn't appreciate that."

"At least it's not like that one girl back in the 1800's that Xander said the old Council married off to someone they hated so the demon would attack the family when she got pregnant," Cala said. "He told my family about that when they asked about children. He told them how I'd have to protect myself if I ever had any."

Nessie grimaced. "Yuck." She said something in her native language. The girls giggled and hugged her. "Maybe I'll have someone pull the girl things out. That shouldn't matter to being a slayer. Right, Mr. Buckaroo?"

"No, it shouldn't. That's a bit extreme though."

"Have you seen a baby being born?"

He nodded. "I've delivered a few babies over the years." He smiled. "It's nasty but you get a baby out of it. Most people consider that a good trade off."

"Eww. Did you deliver Mr. Xander when Mr. Tommy had him?"

"Um...no. Tommy's girlfriend had Xander without telling him. Then someone tried to attack her to get Alex so she dropped him off. She never told him she was going to have a baby."

"Huh. We thought Mr. Xander was born specially because of all the stuff that goes on around him," Nessie said, looking at the bigger slayers. They nodded they agreed. "Are you sure he was born like normal people?"

"As far as we know, yes. We have no idea what his mom did before she handed him to Tommy."

"Wow. So maybe he was blessed or something. We met a baby who came out blessed. She'll be a witch some day soon. She came out glowing too. Mr. Xander got stopped by a priest to see if she was infected with a demon. He thought the mother had been possessed and had done an exorcism. She was okay afterward but I heard one of the slayers had to stop them."

"Yes I did," Cala agreed. "It's the same sort of dumb that burns us at a stake." Nessie leaned back to hug her. "Thank you, Nessie."

"You're welcome." She sat up and looked at Cyndra, who shrugged and got her own hug. "You're still a really good sister."

"I like being a sister."

Pula appeared in a flash of light, falling to her knees. Nessie crawled over and hugged her. "Pula, is everyone okay?"

She looked at her, hugging her back. "My uncle's an asshole," she said in Swahili. "I'm leaving before I kill him like the evil demon pretending to be him deserves. Thankfully my cousin stabbed him for trying to touch her again." The girls cooed and hugged her. "I'm okay, I just need to calm down and Xander can lead me through my meditations."

"I can do that," Buckaroo said. "I taught him some of them." She stared at him. "I'm one of Xander's uncles. He calls me stepmom sometimes."

She smiled. "It's better than his original set."

"No, his original father is great. They kidnaped him and put him in Sunnydale."

"Eww. That's mean." She slumped, looking behind her. "Xander, my uncle is no more and my mother is sobbing like her husband died."

"Who did he try to cheat this time?" he asked, sitting behind her to cuddle her.

"He tried to touch my cousin again so she took my dagger and stabbed him."

"It's a good use for it. If I had caught him the last time she wouldn't have had to." She leaned against his shoulder. "Who sent you?"

"Brie. We're all gathered at the farm."

"That's fine. You girls need support." She nodded, leaning against his shoulder. "What else is going on?"

"My mother tried to force my father to bring him into our house because he lost his farm gambling. She sent me to talk to the demons he played with. He praised my talking to him like a regular being about it. Then he brought me home to tell my mother I was a child and this discussion was not for children. Father sent her from the farm and told her to stay away because she threatened to burn it when I told her that my cousin had miscarried her father's child. Father was not pleased and he said we'd take her in. He showed up today to pretend to be an evil one."

He kissed her on the head. "There's assholes like him all over the world. You'll learn how to deal with them and avoid them coming near you." She nodded against his shoulder. "We'll meditate together later. Call your father to make sure he knows you're here with me. I'll call Dawn."

"I tried to call Dawn to let her know so she could put it into the Chronicles. Buffy said she's on vacation."

Xander stared at her. "Vacation?" She nodded. "Dawn's in college. Why is she on vacation in the middle of a semester?"

"I don't know."

"What the fuck did she do this time?" he muttered, pulling out his phone. "Buffy, where's Dawn?" He listened to her spluttering. "Because, dumbass, I'm a bit worried since you told Pula she's on vacation in the middle of a semester of college." She babbled about having her somewhere safe. "Let me guess, it was Willow's idea?" She muttered. Something in that rambling clicked in his mind. "Did you think that your sister's body might be magical in nature?" he demanded. "That it might be killing your sister to be trapped in an anti-magic space?" Buffy gasped. "Go. Fix. It. Before I do. I'm not putting up with sister killing unless it's really necessary." He hung up and took a calming breath. He looked at the girls. "I think Willow whammied her mind again. She's rambling and babbling like when I got drunk." They nodded. They all had doubts about Willow helping slayers. They didn't usually like witches.

Willow appeared. "She's safe, Xander. That's what matters." Buckaroo wisely got out of the way and took Penny with him, shoving her into the hall with him blocking Rosenburg from going after her when the girls started to reach for weapons subtly.

Xander stood up, staring at her. "Dawn's body was made by magic. You stuffing her somewhere that's stripping her magic from her will kill her. How is that safe?" She snorted. He punched her, knocking her into a wall. "Fuck no, this shit's not going to go on. I'll be fucking damned," he said, pulling up his powers. "No more, Rosenburg." He looked around. "I need a marker, some handcuffs, and some herbs. Herbs should be in my kit, Nessie." She ran off to grab it from his room. Buckaroo handed over handcuffs and a marker when one of the guys handed them to him.

"Thank you." He took the box. "Girls, go. You don't need to see this." They ran out back, they knew that tone of voice. He growled and calmed himself, pulling out what he needed. He chanted over the herbs he mixed. When she started to wake up, he stepped on her throat for a minute while he kept going to knock her back out. When he was done, he knelt beside her to ink marks onto her. "Hot water?" he asked quietly as he worked. He went back to chanting. "Or I can shove it up her as a suppository." Hot water got handed in. When Xander finished marking her, he handcuffed her and made the elixir from the herbs.

She started to wake up. He used that momentary confusion to pour the tea down her throat. She spluttered and choked but he kept pouring it. She screamed and writhed and struggled but magic was flowing out of her. Black magic, white magic, chaos and demonic magics. All flowing from her pores. Her ears, her eyes. Her mouth as she tried to vomit up the tea. He stared at her, going back to the chanting over her. He drew two last marks on her forehead. She passed out with one last scream.

"There, it is done. The spirits great and small are pleased," he said in Swahili. "No more are you a problem that the slayers or spirits must deal with, Rosenburg." He stood up, grabbing a few other things. He started to chant as he smudged her and the areas around her, sending the magic back to the Goddess to be cleaned. He closed his eyes as a spirit floated in. "Leave her, Tara. She's not your Willow."

He stared at her. "I'm sorry but she won't do it again. Go save Dawn?" She nodded, bowing and kissing Willow on the forehead before leaving. Xander went back to smudging to clean the bad energy from the room. Finally he relaxed and looked at her. "Phone?" It got handed over. "Thank you." He called Giles. "I have acted as the shaman of the slayers," he said in greeting, sounding firm and in control. "The attempted killing of one of us is the last straw. She is bound in ways that I have found in some of the oldest methods. She will stay bound until long after I die. There is no more magic within her. She cannot grow more. It will not pass onto her children if she has one so she can't turn into something like the Madisons did. Yes, her, Giles."

He slumped onto the floor again, staring at her. "Passed out. Did they manage to save Dawn?" He winced at the yelling. "Tara's leading Buffy to her if she doesn't know. Check them for memory spells." He hung up and looked at her. "By rights, I should send you to meet your ancestors to see if they would correct you," he said when Willow moaned and tried to move. "I have decided that is not my decision to make. "You will face a tribunal. Either the coven's or the council's. Because you're too dangerous to be left alone." He got up and found something in his kit, crushing it and tossing it onto her. She disappeared. Xander finished the bad energy purge then sank down onto the floor to calm himself down.

"I had no idea that you learned that much," Buckaroo said, pulling him closer to hug.

"I'm a full shaman. I'm the shaman that helps the slayers." He looked at him. "She stuck a body made by magic into a magic withholding and stripping cell. A girl she said was like her own sister. Buffy's sister Dawn. It was bind Willow or kill her."

"Binding her means she can atone."

Xander looked at him. "She hasn't for any of the other ones. She swears she'll fix it and then doesn't. This was just the last straw."

Gabriel appeared, staring at him. "How did you do that?"

Xander stared at him. "Shaman."

"I didn't realize.... Huh." He smirked. The boy was bordering on crazy yet genius; Gabriel could appreciate that combination. As long as it didn't screw up his life. "Can I have a task for the third life debt before you figure out something nasty?"

"Make sure my dad and stepmom, and all the others special to them die of old age instead of something like a bad guy," he said, staring at him. "Not me, because I know you can't do that for me by the rules, but protect them. When they're all passed on and I have, you're free of that third one. I'll find something for Castiel's."

Gabriel looked at Buckaroo then at Xander. "That's...." Xander smirked. "Fine, I can play guardian angel over them until they're old and ready to pass over." He disappeared with a sigh but was happy. Xander could've asked for something really horrible. This was pretty mild and kind of nice of him.

Buckaroo swatted him on the head. "Don't try that."

Xander looked at him. "I'm not losing you or Dad, or the guys, before it's their time."

"Uh-huh. Go shower. You're all sweaty. Then eat something because you're shaking." Xander sighed but got up to do that. "Guys, how are the girls?" he called.

"They're making darts from tree branches," one of the Irregulars called. He leaned in and sniffed. "What happened?"

"Xander pulled up his authority as a shaman to deal with Rosenburg."

"Ooooh. Tommy's going to blow his stack," he muttered, going to find him. He was in the security office. "You okay?"

"I'm good. I'm going to ask my son about his shaman training later. What it means, what he's supposed to be handling. If he can deal with the spirit in the attic. I figure that'll take long enough for him to calm Penny down." He looked up. "Pinky, the girls?"

"Making darts from branches."

"That's good. Let me get the kid something to eat." He got up and went that way, taking the journal with him. He carried the cup of soup into Xander's room, putting it in front of him on the bedside table. Xander looked at it then up at him from under the towel he was using on his hair. "He said you needed to eat."

"I had to."

"I wanted you to hit her harder." He sat down beside him. "You okay?"

"Yup. I should've done it years ago." He looked at him. "The Devon Coven kept saying they'd handle it. They had her under control. Her addiction was under control. They never looked apparently." He slumped, taking the soup to sip.

"Can I ask about something?"

"Sure. I don't mind most of it."

"Pirates?"

"They had Nessie and her mom hostage."

"Not them. The other ones."

"They thought I'd make a charming camp helper," he said dryly. "I don't mind gay sex now and then but not with them. So I said no, really hard. The local government showed up to see what had happened. I told them they had tried to attack me so I had used their weapons on them. That official is still probably scared to death I'm going to take his corrupt butt out."

Tommy hugged him. "I don't care if you date guys or girls, Xander, but date someone nice enough to help you raise the slayers. They're good grandkids." Xander grinned, leaning against his shoulder. Tommy patted him. "Drink the soup. Get dressed. We'll go save the guys from the girls trying to hunt them down."

"Some of the guys might make it past them." He sipped the soup as he got up to grab some clothes.

"Why do you have a scar on your dick?"

Xander looked down then at him. "Girlfriend."

"Why?"

"Her teeth slipped."

"Was she a people eater?"

"Fully human. She had her teeth sharpened in case she had to use them during a fight. I'm really glad I was blocking her from accidentally hitting her poisoned tooth when her phone went off." Tommy shook his head, looking down and slightly moaning. "She was fun but only for a week in Venice."

"I haven't gotten there yet."

"I don't think I wrote her down. That's my patrol journal. Not too many lovers or fun stuff in there. It was during Carnivale and I was hunting something. We hooked up after she saw me killing the sea monster."

"No girls nearby?"

"Buffy was in Rome but she's...kind of a prude, Dad. She said she couldn't handle all the naked times going on that year." He slid into boxer briefs then jeans and a t-shirt. His father took that one and handed him another one. "Yes, Dad."

"Thank you." He let him put on sneakers and they went out to handle the girls for a few more hours. When they all ended up curling up together to nap under the trees, they made sure someone was there to guard them. They didn't want to see what Xander would do if they woke him up.

Buffy appeared in a flash of light, staring at Buckaroo. "Where's Willow?"

"He crushed some purple stone and threw it on her."

"That should've brought her home," she said, grimacing.

"Is your sister all right?"

"I guess. Giles took over the freeing and won't let me near her."

"Memory spells," Tommy said as he walked past the door.

"They're going to check us later." She sighed, looking at Buckaroo. "If she shows back up, tell me and I'll come pick her up."

"Xander said he bound her from using all magic."

"How? He can't do magic stuff."

"He's a shaman and he used their rites."

"What's a shaman?"

He stared at her. "It's like being blessed by the Goddess, only on a more native path. Native Americans and some of the tribes in Africa have them. Giles should know."

"Can you tell Giles what he did?"

"I can tell him some of it. I'm not one, I've never trained as a priest of native magics."

"I'm surprised Xander has," she mumbled. She rubbed her forehead. "Please write a report for Giles." He nodded. She got pulled back to the Council building. "Did she reappear here?"

"Africa," one of the witches said. "Brie called. What did he do?"

"Buckaroo said he used shaman stuff? What's a shaman?"

"It's partially like being an earth healing witch and partially like being a priest of native magics," the head of the coven said as she came up the hall. "Yes, Xander took much training with the ones he ran into because they discovered his gifts were their sort instead of the white man's magic. Including being able to touch spirit animals."

"The hyena?"

"Opened that gift." She smiled. "He did a very good job from what Brie said."

"I asked Buckaroo to write Giles a report. Is Dawn okay?"

"No," the head of the coven said. "She will be. Right now she's worn down, her body is one big ache from the draining it was doing, and she'll take a few months to recover. She's lucky, Buffy. A few more days and you wouldn't have had a sister." Buffy slumped but nodded, looking down. "Let's check you for memory spells, dear. Then we'll get the other slayers." They pulled her into the magic working room to test her. They found a few and removed them. They got Giles next, then went through everyone else.

One went to test Xander but the men with guns made her hesitate. "The Devon coven sent me to check Xander and his slayers for memory charms, boys. May I?" she asked in her best genteel voice.

Tommy came out to look at her. "When he's awake. He's exhausted."

She nodded. "You're very protective of him. Is he yours?"

"My son."

"Oh!" She blinked. "Then you're the one they stole him from." Tommy nodded, crossing his arms over his chest to stare at her. She smiled. "We helped him do the research on how to get home."

"Alex?" Tommy called. Cala snapped awake, staring at them. "She wanted to test you guys for memory charms."

"Willow's excellent at them," she complained. She sat up, looking at the witch. "Miss Maisy."

"Cala." She patted her on the head and tested her. "Only one." She removed it. Cala nudged the other girls. She smiled at her for that kindness. "Only one on Nessie. Apparently she wanted to control how wild you are, dear."

Nessie grimaced. "That's dumb. I'm not that wild. I'm not dancing around fires yet or sleeping with boys or anything else wild."

"Willow can't really look at boys and she's a bit uptight. Almost anything that's not scholarly is wild to her. Including running around and playing."

"That's because her parents sucked," Xander mumbled. "What's happened now?"

"Checking for memory spells, Xander. Did you cast something on her?"

He opened his good eye to look at her. "I used my gifts to bind her permanently. She's not coming back and I'm going to call for a tribunal one way or another."

"You don't do magic." He lifted his shirt and pointed at something on his side. "Oh!" She covered her mouth. "We heard you had trained with shaman but not that you were officially one." He nodded. "That makes much sense. By the way, you sent her down there." Xander glared toward the south. "Let me check you for memory spells. I won't interfere with anything you have going on. I know you have to keep up a shield against spirits." She ran her hand over his forehead and stepped back. "The hyena is not amused."

Xander laughed. "She's hardly ever amused when the pack is threatened." He concentrated and she went quiet. "Try it again." She did and frowned. "How many?"

"There's clouding things and a lot of others. I'm not sure how to remove them. I'm going to have to call the senior witch."

"I'll see her at the tribunal. Tomorrow?"

"I'll ask her." She got brought back and told the group of the strongest witches what she had found. They nodded they could work on it tomorrow. Best to get those things out of the way. They had told Brie how to check those other slayers and she had found two they had to remove. They brought all of Xander's slayers up to hover over him for a bit. It'd be easier and he'd stay calm around them. They didn't want him fighting them during the block removal.

***

Tommy and Xander came back from the tribunal. The girls were waiting but only pounced them for hugs. "You guys multiplied," Tommy joked.

Pula grinned. "They needed the rest of us to clear off any spells. Xander, is Dawn okay?"

"She's not great but she'll heal. She's refusing to see her sister. She's refusing to see Giles. She and I talked and we'll figure stuff out." They nodded and cuddled them some more. "You guys are so silly. It's pretty out, go play."

"We've been playing," Cala said with a manic grin. "We chased them all over the woods." Tommy laughed, walking off shaking his head. The girls followed. "Let him change, ladies." They came back to monopolize Xander. The others came to peel the girls off and take them to the sitting room to talk to Buckaroo and Penny. Who was still a bit creeped out by the girls.

Tommy came in after changing and sat down. Almost instantly the two youngest slayers were in his lap and snuggled in sucking their thumbs. "Been a while since I did this," he said quietly. "But sure."

Buckaroo smiled. "They look comfortable."

"They're good girls. They'll grow up to be good women hopefully."

"Maria's mother is very uptight," Xander said with a point at her. "She's loud, opinionated, and uptight but she's always there for her daughter. If I have to drop the girls off on someone, she's my choice. The other one, she's just adorable and cranky most of the time. So you're miraculous."

"No, I'm perfect. Buckaroo's miraculous." Buckaroo smirked at him. "So what's up, boss?"

"Few things. Xander, are the realms going to separate?" He shrugged. "No clue?"

"I didn't do it. You might ask Gabriel."

He appeared, already shaking his head. "Nope. Because this way our war is stopped. We all agreed it's not separating and the few beings left back on the old one are more than welcome to it. It won't separate for the next three hundred years." He looked at the girls. "She's got chicken pox."

Xander leaned over to check behind her ears, nodding. "She does. We'll handle that." He pulled her into his lap. "Cuddle me. You've got spots."

"Bad spots?" she asked in her native language.

"Chicken pox spots."

"Yucky?"

"Yup."

"Mommy mad?"

"No. She won't be mad. It happens to kids." She nodded, cuddling into his lap. "How are things at their homes, Gabriel?"

"Quiet. Everything's quiet. Until that giant floating head you had the vision about shows up in a few months. I'll warn her mother." He disappeared. He warned the witches too.

Xander checked her forehead by kissing. "No fever yet." She grinned around her thumb. "Nessie?" She looked up. "Did you ask the nice demon guy for anything else?"

"Nope. I just wanted to have you back, Mr. Xander."

"I get that. I missed you girls too." They all smiled at him. He looked at Buckaroo, who smiled as well. "Now what?"

"The president is working with Mr. Giles to set up what a slayer needs. He wasn't sure about your artillery stashes but then Giles shared reports." Xander nodded but rolled his eyes. "He was not amused."

"No one's amused when I have to save others. They all think I'm *normal*."

"No, you're not normal," Tommy said. "You've never been normal, Xander. If you were normal, they wouldn't have picked you to go stop Willow." Xander leaned on his arm. He looked at his boss again. "So Xander and the girls are going home to Africa?"

"They can. The president wants Xander to be local for a little bit. That leaves worried parents."

"We called," Pula said. "We called everyone's parents. Only one got upset but she hates Xander for being a white man and learning native lessons. She wanted her daughter to go to a native shaman to train with him. Xander set her up with one." That girl nodded. "We talked to him too because he was there and he realized what had happened and that it was keeping us all safe until things were settled. He said he'd see her when she got back in a few days. Her mom quit blaming Xander when a huge demon appeared and threatened to eat her for upsetting Xander because he had a headache and he was growly?"

"Tiny bit. They removed years worth of Willow's spells on me," he admitted. "Back before she knew she had magic she was doing will-based casting that caused problems." The girls all patted him. "I can get you guys back home."

"Giles said the new watchers were ready," Buckaroo said.

"He's full of shit," Xander said. "Half of them can't figure out how to read a map, much less follow directions. Half of them can't shoot, the other half are scared to death of being in the middle of nowhere alone with a slayer. Two are worried the slayers are going to pounce them for ...relations and then charge them with abuse. He and I talked about that and I talked to the group about the girls in Africa. They all were horrified. Giles sighed in defeat but they can go join the ones in Europe he guessed. There's two that may do it in the next class and they're coming out early. They're both former military. May not know all the classifications but they'll learn with the girls. Cala, one's your new watcher." She grimaced but nodded. "That means you can travel with him and have him back you up in case of emergency."

"That might be nice. I hate driving."

"He's to do that," Xander assured her with a grin. She nodded. "The other one's going to be doing the same circuit I am but starting at the other end. That way we're not leaving you little ones uncovered so often." They all grinned at him. "There's one in the next class coming in that'll make an excellent field watcher as long as he doesn't freak out and he'll be Zen's watcher." That adult slayer smirked at him. "You hate your name, you're the one who changed it."

"I know." She grinned at Cala. "I'll share him with you if I need to?"

"Sure. That'll work for me." Xander nodded that was fine. "Is it set?"

"Yup. I gave the recommendations to Giles earlier and he's made them rules." The girls all smiled. "So we're getting help; it's just slow help."

"We were thinking if you're going to be training near here, we'd help you set up a house for them," Tommy said.

Xander looked at him. "You want me to stay here?"

"Yeah. You're my kid. Your place is here with me." Xander grinned. He gave his head a nudge with a hand. "We'll look at where to put a training center."

"Mom's old house is empty."

"Your biological mother?" Buckaroo asked.

"Yeah. I've been looking her up to see what she's doing now. She's hiding like hell from the Devon coven because she's a rogue witch. She's got a nice family line house. Has a few trees, has some space. Has a magical workroom." The others nodded. "I wrote her and she signed it over to me. She was appalled that they made me a watcher. She wanted me to become a chaos mage."

"How far away is it?" Tommy asked.

"Halfway across town." He pointed with a grin.

"That old wreck? It's falling in, Xander."

"That's an illusion. I walked through it earlier this week. It needs a lot of scrubbing, some paint, and a few new shingles."

"Uh-huh. It looks like a wreck."

"The porch looks like hell but it's structurally sound." He shifted the kids so he could shift.

Two of the coven appeared. "Let us get them home, Xander."

"We can watch them for a few days," Tommy offered.

"One's got chicken pox."

"We're taking them to Cleveland. Buffy wants to have a whole slayer meeting."

Xander stared at her. "Thanks for telling me," he said dryly.

"She was going to have us snatch you," the other said with a grin. "Chicken pox?" Xander pointed. "That'll work. Poor dear." She picked her up. "Come along. We'll get you a good bath and put you into a comfortable bed."

"Want Xander," she whined.

"I'll be there tomorrow," Xander said, sitting up to kiss her on the ear. "Go nap off the spots." She nodded, still pouting. "Buffy can get you ice cream or jell-o."

"Like jell-o," she said quietly, looking at the witch.

"We can help you get some. It's a good thing when you're sick." She and the other witch got all the slayers back to the house.

Xander looked up then at his dad, shrugging. "No idea. No vision yet. Maybe it's not a weird thing."

"We can only hope not," Buckaroo said. "You think she would?"

"Those two witches have never been that nice to anyone, much less me or a slayer." Yup, there was the vision pain. He grabbed his father's arm as it hit hard and fast. "Fuck." He patted himself down, eyes squeezed shut. His phone got handed to him. "Call Giles." It rang once he had it on speaker. "Giles, vision. Stop Romona from making Buffy set everyone on fire," he groaned, letting his father go so he could hold his head. "She's being a dumb bitch. I just saw me frantically looking for my emergency teleporting stone to stop the spelled Buffy from spreading gas in the house." He hung up and sighed, getting up and running to throw up.

"That's bad," Tommy said, following him.

"I'll start those herbs seeping for him," Buckaroo said, heading to grab them from the lab. He had been trying to figure out what was in it. It wasn't that hard to make tea for Xander. He made it strong just in case because he wasn't sure of the dosage. He found Tommy walking Xander to the infirmary and followed with the mug of steaming, nasty smelling tea.

Xander took it to gulp, wincing. "Ow. Smells worse than Groo's butt but works." He laid down, covering his face with the pillow. "Thanks."

"Welcome," Buckaroo said. "That whole thing was for one cup?" The pillow nodded. "Want me to brew the other one?"

"You can reuse it but not for four hours. I get two brews out of mine."

"Okay." He went to bag it up and let it dry out for later brewing.

Tommy settled next to his son, putting water down beside the bed and picking up a magazine to flip through. "We need to deal with the beings that send those."

"This time I'm happy I got it but you can't get C-4 where they are," Xander mumbled.

Tommy smiled. "We can figure something out."

"Yup. Been trying to. Of course if I do, they'll punish me by making Buffy take me shopping or trying to kill me again." Tommy snorted. "Shopping with girls is like facing a firing squad."

"I'll take you. That way you don't have to fear the bra shopping."

"I'd hug you but I'll probably throw up if I move."

"You can hug me later." Xander drifted off. His son had some screwed up fears if he thought shopping was that bad. Maybe therapy?

***

Buckaroo brought in the second mug of tea. Xander moaned and took it to drink. "I added some of that other stuff." He sat on the foot of the bed. Xander nodded he realized that. "Still hurt?"

"Yes." He looked at him. "Buffy's already vowed to make me shop too. So some of it's possibly dread."

"Your dad's a good shopper."

"He's not Buffy. They can go together and leave me alone."

"Not likely," Tommy quipped. "Better?" Xander nodded, belching quietly then sliding back under the covers. Tommy covered him up. "What's up?"

"Penny's worried that he's sick. New Jersey is explaining visions to her."

"Just don't let her become like Buffy," Xander mumbled.

"I doubt she'd turn into a cheerleader," Tommy said. New Jersey walked in shaking his head but smiling. "She calmer?"

"Yup." He looked at Buckaroo. "He okay?"

"Had the tea," Xander mumbled, waving a hand under the covers. "I can sleep the rest off and have a mild headache tomorrow for the meeting."

"Buffy said they're telling everyone what happened," Buckaroo said. "You could skip." Xander snorted. "You could."

"No I can't or I'll lose some respect and the girls will learn to nag me about stupid things like she does. The slayer spirit already got some of that from her."

Alathandra appeared, kissing him on the forehead. "I'm going to stop her again, dear." She disappeared before the guys could grab her. She could even help Gabriel with his plans since some of the older slayers had annoyed him to no end. She never appeared around the younger slayers so she didn't warp them and make Xander mad but the bigger ones were fair game.

The two friends shook their heads. They could make sure Xander was normal after the meeting. Penny walked in with drinks for them. "Thanks," Buckaroo said with a smile.

"You're welcome. Is he going to be okay?"

"Yeah, it was another vision," Tommy said. He sipped his coffee. "This one was bad but it was important."

She nodded. "I still don't understand those things."

"It's like a movie preview of a problem but you're the only one who sees it and the screen is right behind your eyes," Xander mumbled. "I only see huge shit, like apocalypse battles."

"I'm sorry, Alex." She tucked the blanket around him.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome." She left them alone. Buckaroo patted Xander on the foot then left.

"Nice humoring job," Tommy said quietly. Xander flapped a hand under the blanket.

***

That same gate guard saw Xander outside the gate later that night, nodding at him. Xander smiled back, walking over to a car that pulled up. He leaned in and said something then came out with a large package. It was too large to be drugs but that wasn't the usual way they got deliveries. He watched him look inside the package then walk inside looking happier. He'd wonder but it wasn't his job. He did make note of it for the security patrol. They could talk to Tommy about his kind of weird son and his nighttime activities.

Buckaroo looked at the boy walking past him, taking the package to look at. "It's a nice break from writing the textbook. New herbs?" Xander nodded. "Just for the headache tea?"

"No, I needed to refill some too. Only three of those go into the headache tea. I need to harvest the others and they're planted at the safehouse in Africa. I'll have Brie send them to me in a few days."

"You can plant some here."

"They only grow in hot, humid places." He sat down to go over them and their uses. His stepmom was used to alternative medicine stuff so he could handle some things like anti-possession potions.

***

Buckaroo's phone blinked a text message the next afternoon so he looked at it. "Can you send Dad to please take Buffy shopping instead of me?" he read. He thumbed open the picture, grimacing. The very fashionable Perfect Tommy would definitely say something that outfit. "Tommy?" he called. He came in a minute later, switching a bottle of water for the phone. He grimaced. "If we can get you there...." He watched as a young girl ran in and grabbed Tommy, taking him with her. "That's...really weird," Buckaroo decided. Thankfully his phone was on the floor so he could put that into his pocket and drink his water.

Tommy looked at the grinning girl that had grabbed him. "Brie?" he guessed.

"Yup." She grinned. "We'll send you to Mr. Xander's torture. This is Dawn. She's Buffy's sister. She wanted to make sure you weren't a mean guy. These are Solange, she's another slayer's sister who lives in Asia."

"Pleasure," he said, shaking their hands with a smile. "I know Dawn is very special to Xander, he's mentioned you a few times, Brie, but he hasn't told me anything about any of his slayers in Asia yet." Solange, who had to be all of thirteen, giggled and blushed. He grinned. "I'm not the mean one, girls. It's all right." The other two introduced themselves and Dawn told him where Buffy was making his son shop. She even called a cab for him. Dawn was even nice enough to give him maps of the slayer compound and a list of all of Xander's things so he knew. He could like that one. He walked into the store Buffy was making Xander try on shirts in, grimacing. "No, not that one."

"He needs clothes," Buffy said.

Tommy looked at her. At least she was in pants today, even if they were hip hugging and she had nothing for them to hug to. Her shirt was ...sparkly in a teenage girl way. He looked at his son, then pointed at the shirt behind him. "That one." Xander sighed but took that shirt to try on. "Xander has to be able to do things in his clothes, Buffy, and be comfortable. Men's fashion isn't like women's. We don't expect to be uncomfortable half the time. We can work on his wardrobe together."

"Sure." She grinned. "Giles said he had to have two suits for stuff and he needed all new jeans and work clothes. Plus some nicer things because he doubted you wanted your son to look so sloppy."

"Xander is his own man and he doesn't share my taste in clothes. He needs to be able to move, fight, and play with the girls." She sighed but nodded. Xander came out. "Wrong size."

"Right size," Xander said. "It's clingy and tight." He picked up a nicer looking shirt. "This?" he asked hopefully.

"It's *plaid*," Buffy complained.

"I like plaid!"

Tommy hid the smile. "As long as you match it appropriately, pick the blue tones of plaid, Xander." He grabbed two. "Try them on." He did that. Tommy totally railroaded his son into getting things he could handle his life in. Three bags of clothes later they were out of the menswear stores. Then two good suits at a more upscale shop so he looked tastefully handsome. Buffy fussed about the fabric so he explained why he chose that type of silk and that pattern as well.

It looked good on his son and it was strong enough not to rip if he had to handle something while wearing it. Plus a lot of things came out of silk. Buffy got them back home thanks to the coven and went on her own shopping mission. Tommy looked at his son. "Go put them up." Xander nodded, going up to hide from him. He smirked a bit at the guys staring at him. "Xander has a slight shopping phobia thanks to Buffy."

"Poor guy, he had to shop with you and a girl," Pinky teased. "I don't know which one's worse."

"Her. She dressed like a club girl even in the daytime but doesn't have the body to pull it off." He walked off. His son could hide for a while then he'd pull him out of his closet to go over that house to see what he really needed.

***

Xander looked around the house again, grimacing. "I need someone who can dust."

"Might help." He sneezed and opened a window. "What did she do in here?"

Xander sniffed. "Cleaning with herbs instead of cleaning supplies." He walked toward the back. "Watch out for the fist hole in the hallway floor," he called back. Tommy followed, shaking his head. "Looks like someone downstairs was really mad." He found the kitchen and looked around, then sighed. "Mom, you suck," he muttered. "See any salt?"

Tommy looked in, spotting the two frozen things. He pointed. "Sack that says salt?" Apparently it had a use since she had a ten pound bag of salt in a corner. He'd have to ask some day when it wouldn't freak him out.

Xander looked and nodded, getting it to stop the problems going on. The two frozen imps disappeared. Xander went downstairs to work on anything down there. He came up to answer the pounding on the door. "Officer, this is my mother's house. I'm stopping the stupid black magic she was doing." He walked off.

"Sir, come here please?"

"Let me stop this before it ends up eating the city," he said impatiently. He jogged down the stairs and went back to ending it. The cops followed but froze when the demon came free of the spell. Xander stared at him. "Go. Shoo. Mom gave me the house. I'm not doing deals like she is. Go find her, she's in Athens the last I knew." He waved a hand and moved onto the bigger one. The demon was pouting. "Dude, watch me call the slayers." The demon huffed but disappeared. The bigger one was drooling when he freed it. Xander pulled his gun and shot it. "There, now you can't eat people. Sword please?" he asked, pointing back at the one on the wall. The officer handed it to him. He beheaded the beast in two swings. "There, dead." He looked around. "One more area." He walked that way with the sword. He opened the door, finding fire. "Huh." He stared at it. "Anyone see a fire extinguisher?" he called loudly.

"Yeah," Tommy said, handing it down to the officer. "And the blue thing up here is trying to drool on me."

"Well, you're Perfect and they hate perfect things," Xander said dryly. "That's why they go after virgins." He put out the fire. He jogged up to shoot the blue thing then went back down to finish off that spell. That took more work and a bit of work with a sledgehammer. Then he smiled and grinned at the officers. "There, stopped."

"Who are you?" one asked. Xander pulled out his wallet and ID. They read it into the radio. "Do you know the owner, sir?"

"It's my biological mother."

"Oh, okay. So this is your family home." Xander nodded. "Would she have called in a trespassing call to 911?"

"I doubt it. She told me I could have it. Mostly because I was going to blackmail her by ending her two demonic soul contracts on her for being such a bitch." Tommy coughed to cover up his laugh. "I can call her." He pulled out his phone, dialing that number. "Mom, me. Did you call in a trespassing call?" He looked around. "Oh, security system you *forgot* to give me the code to. Sure. Oh, blood based....eww, your parents were cousins? That explains a lot. By the way, got the demons here. No, I haven't done the one you have trapped in the bedroom yet. I'm a bit scared to go in there."

He walked off, going to turn off the security system. "Thanks, Mom. Have a great trip." He hung up and looked at the officer. "It's partially blood based and it got set off because I'm not *fully* of the bloodline." The officers shuddered. "But it is my house now." He pointed at the envelope on the coffee table in the living room. "The deed was signed over to me." They looked at it and made notes. The second officer followed Xander upstairs to look at that demon. "Oh, wow," Xander said, then backed out. The officer was holding a hand over his eyes. "I do not want to know that much about my mother. Damn!"

He walked the officer back down there. "He needs brain bleach and so do I. And possibly some napalm as well as about six herbs to make the stuff to banish the holding spell." He sat down to flip through his phone. "Pierre, Xander." The guy hung up so he called back. "It was Nessie, not me. Don't start. I'm cleaning up my biological mother's mess and she's got some huge demon trapped in her bedroom. I need herbs. You're closest, that's why I'm calling my ex," he said dryly when he complained.

"I could call Dave but it'll be another two hours of travel time." He smirked at his father. "Hey, my bio dad wondered about some of my ex's. I need that set and some thyme. Plus a smudging kit. I left mine back at Dad's place. Thank you." He hung up shaking his head. "Why?" he muttered, looking up. He frowned and waved at the demon face. "It's mine now." The demon face disappeared. "It's going to take longer to get all the demons out of here than it will to fix the porch and the roof."

Tommy nodded. "Possibly." Seeing his son work was like seeing a non-technical Buckaroo. It was clear who had the most influence on his son's life. It was a good thing Buckaroo had been such a good stepmom. Now if only Xander did scientific things to make him happier.

Xander huffed, looking at the officers. The other one had went up to look at that demon and was now blushing. "I have no idea why she wanted that thing. Who in the hell knows with her." They nodded and left after making notes. He looked at his father, who went to look. He came down looking horrified. "Yeah, I think that's where she went after having me. Wow."

"Definitely. I know a few size queens but even they would think that was too big." He sat down after checking the couch. "Now what?"

"Removing demons." He nodded.

"How far away is Pierre?"

"About seven blocks." He looked outside at the slamming door, getting up to open the front door. "Thank you, Pierre." He looked through it. "I needed that. No smudging stuff?" He looked at him.

"I'm out. How bad is it?" Xander led him up there to look at the demon. "Shit." He backed out slowly. "Your mom was wacked."

"Quite probably but I think in her case it was hereditary since she said they liked to inbreed a lot." Pierre shuddered as he walked off. "Tell me how much I owe you."

"Ten bucks." Tommy paid him. "Have fun with that."

"We're going to send it home. I'm not touching that." Pierre left. Tommy walked up there. "Still need stuff?"

"Smudging stuff but I can do that tomorrow." He looked over at the sound of the front door opening. "We're up here." Buckaroo jogged up the stairs. He paused, staring at the demon. He was looking at his tail, which clearly showed signs of having sex with something about his size. He glanced at the demon's front, having to look by some sick sense, and was horrified that the dick was about as big around as his head and about as long as his arm. Xander grinned at him. "We don't want to know what my mother had him for."

"Me either," Buckaroo said, handing over the smudging herbs. "You sure you can banish it?"

"If it won't break, I'll try something more ornate tomorrow once I gather stuff I don't have here." Buckaroo nodded, backing out and taking Tommy with him.

"Thanks, I was stuck," he muttered.

"Me too." He shuddered. "Let me go clean my mind."

"He cleared some out of the kitchen and the basement."

"These?"

"No. Smaller."

"I'm hoping that's a good thing." He left before his mind went places he did not want to travel to. He kindly took Tommy with him so he wouldn't have to deal with that stuff for a few minutes. Friends saved each other.

Xander was trying not to smirk but was laughing as he worked. Nope, it didn't work. He'd have to try the harder thing. Xander sighed, calling his other boyfriend's phone on his way out the door. He nodded at Pinky, who was waiting on the hood of his car reading a graphic novel. "Dave, me. No, Pressantor in my mother's bedroom," he sighed. "Yeah, fully. Like bad mental places, naked demon, eww sort of Pressantor demon, Dave. Didn't work. Thank you. Yeah, that's now my house. I'm cleaning it. Thanks, man." He hung up. "Buckaroo still meditating?" Pinky nodded with a grin. "I don't blame him. The very thought of that demon is gross."

"I don't want to know."

"Probably not." He let the BBI take him back to the compound. "I have Dave coming up tomorrow with more stuff for me to banish it," he said as he walked in. Tommy looked at him. "You call her?"

"Yup. She said after me, that was fun."

"Great, so you broke her? Are you that big? Or are you why I only get frantic bad girls who want me too badly to try to hurt me like they planned?"

"Maybe the second," he said. He pointed. "Buckaroo wanted to know what they were for."

"Pretty much just what you think," Xander said dryly. "Or putting on a show. It's a sex demon. It eats sex hormones. If it's drugged with certain things, it'll eat the person it's sleeping with. We've only see one case of that in the last century. The watcher that spotted it got it mid...act. That's how we know you have to stab them with silver in the back instead of shooting it. His slayer saved his butt. Literally." Tommy shuddered. "Not that hard and it's cocaine that makes it go that insane."

Xander shrugged. "There's some really weird demons. I had to teach the girls about them and only showed them the top half of the picture. Cala looked under the page I had blocking the rest of the drawing and went to tell her mother if men were built like that she was going to never touch one. I had to do some explaining. She thanked me for trying to shield her from it." He sat down. "Dave'll meet me there at ten."

"That's fine," Tommy said, patting him on the back. "Giles or someone sent you books."

Xander got up to look. "A new classification set." He repacked it and carried it up to his room.

Tommy looked at Pinky. "I'm going to bathe in bleach." He got up to take another shower.

"I'm glad I didn't look." He went to get something to drink. He ran into Penny. "Xander's back. Tommy's washing off bad things and Buckaroo's probably still meditating."

"How bad was it?"

"I found some demons trapped in my bio mom's house," Xander said as he came down the stairs. "It's a bit disturbing to most guys."

"Oh, okay. Is there anything to learn about those?" He nodded, taking her up to get her the first three books to go over. She patted him on the cheek and went to read them in the living room. Xander went out back to workout among the trees.

Penny was still reading when Buckaroo came downstairs. He looked at the book then at her. She smiled. "Someone should know."

"Yes, they should." He smiled. "Dinner?"

"Please. I just ran into the second people eater species." He nodded, taking her to eat.
One of the Irregulars came out to get the books and study. Some of them should know, just in case. Buckaroo drove them nuts sometimes finding the strangest things, like aliens. One walked through the door but they knew him. "He took Penny out to dinner."

"Oh, man," he muttered. He looked up at the guy that came in from the back with a hand on his gun. "A new member?"

"Nope," Xander said, staring at him. "And you're not the first alien I've met either."

"I'm peaceful, man."

"Uh-huh. Jones?"

"He's peaceful. He's an auxiliary Blue Blazer Irregular, Xander. This is Xander. He's Perfect Tommy's son."

"Ah!" He smiled and shook his hand. "I mean no harm."

"Then I'm cool." He did his proper handshake, stunning him. Xander grinned. "I met Sheila. I think dad's upstairs. Want me to get him?"

"I came to check in with Buckaroo about a being coming this way."

"If it's a giant, floating head, the slayers already know," Xander quipped with a grin back at him. "Let me go back to my exercise."

"Sure, man."

Tommy came down adjusting his collar. "Huge new alien problem, John Parker?"

"Your son, he is weird."

"Very."

"He said he met Sheila but the only one down here was a runaway serial killer."

"Doesn't shock me any. Those are the sort of girls Xander draws."

"Did he get it from his mother?"

"Yes. She consorted with demons."

"Ah," he said, nodding at that. "That explains much. There's a new being heading this way to cause problems."

"Xander had a vision about the giant, floating head. We can talk about it until Buckaroo comes back." He led him back to the chowhouse. "Where's Xander?" he called a minute later.

"Exercising in the trees."

Tommy leaned out the back door. "You are not Tarzan and are not exempt from eating," he called. He closed the door. Xander came in a minute later and went to wash his hands so he could eat. A few of the guys were laughing but they had no idea how hard being Xander's father was. Even as a kid Xander had driven some people nuts.

***

Xander looked up from his reading that night, smiling at his girlfriend as she appeared. "Hi, Alathandra. Have fun setting up the new house?"

"I mostly redecorated." She leaned down to kiss him. "Why are you reading about them?"

"I have to remove one from Mom's house so I can use it." She grimaced. "I removed two servant imps and a few others earlier." She laid down next to him. He put the book down and flipped onto his side to kiss her. She moaned, moving closer. Of course, someone had to knock on the door. Xander stopped her from cursing them. "Big problem or little one?" he called.

"Heard you moan, making sure you're okay and not needing the infirmary," the guard called.

"No, girlfriend's here. We'll try to be more quiet but thanks for worrying."

"Not a problem but don't let Mrs. Johnson find her, Xander." He walked off smiling. He heard a female sounding squeak but that was nice. He ran into Tommy in the downtime area of the computer lab. "Your son's good."

"He having problems?"

"Girlfriend." Tommy winced. "I warned him about Mrs. Johnson finding her."

Tommy shook his head, pulling up the demon information page Dawn had sent him about Alathandra and her sisters. "She's one of these."

He read it. "I'm glad she didn't curse me then." He warned the other guards, who just smirked about the kid having a happy night.

Tommy went back to the demon information page. He had a lot to learn about his son's present life. His son had a page on the hunters site, and one about the team he was on. Then there was one separate one about him in Africa. It had a few things his son didn't put into his patrol journals. A few... "My son needs better taste in women. Or groupies, they might be groupies," he complained quietly.

New Jersey walked in. "Where's Xander? I was going to check his injuries."

"His girlfriend's in," Tommy said dryly.

"Ah! Okay, I'm not going there. I'll check them tomorrow before he goes to banish demons." Tommy waved him over. He read over his shoulder. "Is that...."

"Yeah, nineteen to break in because they were of age and had captured him for that purpose and then he had a battle two hours later."

"Wow, I don't have that sort of stamina."

Tommy looked at him. "Even during the days I got groupies, I didn't have that sort of stamina." New Jersey patted him on the shoulder and left him to his reading. "My son's a tiny bit weird," he decided. He heard one squeal but he wasn't sure if that was Alathandra or Penny. It was their anniversary in a few days so it could've been Penny. Really, he didn't want to know.

***

Xander came bouncing down the stairs the next morning, smiling at the nice woman who watched over the compound and kissing her on the cheek. "Morning, Mrs. Johnson."

"Xander. Are you two getting married?"

"She won't let me propose. She's evilly playing with me until she finds a nice man to torture and breed with. I'm sorry I broke the rules," he said, giving her the kicked puppy look.

"At least she was quiet and let you have some sleep."

He checked his watch then looked at her with a grin. "I haven't slept yet. I can go for days like this." He bounded in to get some coffee and food then headed to follow the post-it on his door's instructions. New Jersey shook his head but checked all the injuries. Xander headed out to his mother's house at a jog. It wasn't that far, only six blocks. His other ex was waiting there. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He looked at him. "Alathandra in?" Xander grinned and nodded. "You're a better man than I am. I'd be scared of her."

"She has a femdom thingy that covers the vaginal teeth."

"Still, Xander. She's a bit nasty."

"Only if I'm mean to her and I'm not mean to my ladies."

"Uh-huh. Does your father know she can eat people?"

"Maybe. I think Dawn sent him links to the demon information pages." He shrugged. "Let's get this Pressentor out of the house so I can set up here to train the girls."

"Are you going to fly back and forth?"

Xander grinned. "No, I'm going to let someone pay off the life debt by gathering things for me." His ex shuddered but nodded. Xander took him up there to work on the banishing. It'd take magic, which Xander didn't have, and shaman skills to control the problems it'd cause, which Xander did have. They got it banished finally and settled down to sweat and pant. They checked the rest of the house. Only a few smaller demons. They found his mother's sex toys that had imps charmed in them but his ex took those to sell in his store. Xander kissed him and he left. Xander laughed, going to do the formal summoning for Castiel. His father was waiting in the living room drinking coffee. "Morning, Dad."

"Is that thing gone?"

"Yup, and all mom's demonically running sex toys too."

"Dem...I don't want to know."

"She charmed imps into them to run them."

"Still don't want to know." He took another drink. "What are you doing now?"

"I'm going to summon Castiel so I can give him the way to remove the life debt he owes me for helping with the kidnaping." His father nodded. "I need someone to go gather a few things." Castiel appeared with Gabriel holding his arm, and grinning. "Poker. Debts. All of them. Including the portal ring and all the warehouses of stuff." He grinned. Castiel stared at him, shoulders slumped. "Two of the bigger ones do owe me and they hate that they do. I could go collect but I might collect a few other things and I'm forbidden because it might start a tiny little demon war." He hugged Castiel. "Thank you."

"I can help him do that," Gabriel said.

"I will do that duty to discharge the life debt," Castiel said. A small chime rang and both of them got handed the list of things they had to collect. He stared at a few then at Xander. "Why do you need that?"

"I don't *need* that, but I won it and it's an all or nothing thing with that one." He shrugged. "It's keeping it out of bad hands at least. I might let you guys destroy a few of them."

"Gladly," Gabriel said dryly. He and Castiel disappeared. They could get Sam and Dean to help them gather things.

Xander grinned at his father. "This way I can get to my girls."

"How often are you going to be home?"

"I've got people who are going to be helping finally. So more than I have been. All you have to do is call, Dad."

"I know." He stared at his son. "What are you going to do about your girlfriend?"

"She can travel."

"Uh-huh. The page on her was very interesting but a bit...upsetting."

"Femdoms stop the teeth thing."

"Teeth... Nothing was mentioned about teeth." Xander pulled out his phone to look her up. He handed the phone over once he had it up. "Dawn didn't send me this link."

"The other one's for trainee watchers to get them started in a general sense. This one's more comprehensive." He went to the kitchen. "I have to clean and update a few things."

Tommy read the whole thing twice. He looked toward the kitchen. "Son, teeth?"

"Female condoms block that. She said the nether teeth don't like them, they taste funny."

Tommy shuddered. "Please date someone less deadly?"

Xander came out. "My last one is in town. She texted around daybreak, that's what woke me. Alathandra may or may not have spotted a nice breeder sort to spawn with. Not sure but I know she's looking for one that's fertile."

Tommy stared at him. "What does the former girlfriend do?"

Xander considered it. "I think she's a jewel thief."

"Really?" he asked dryly. "No one that does something legal?"

"No, I had to turn in the last agent I dated because she was torturing someone for information. I got a bit squicked and had to complain."

"Good!"

Xander hugged him. "Calm down, Dad."

"I am calm. I'm perfectly calm. I was even at morning meditation with the guys to be this calm." Xander grinned, flopping down in the chair. "How are you going to afford the bills?"

"Paycheck?"

"You have one?"

"Giles had still better be paying me," he said dryly. "Considering I spent most of yesterday straightening out his paperwork on him."

"That's fine. So cleaning supplies and the stuff for the porch or roof?"

"I have stuff in storage at the farm in Africa I can use for that and cleaning supplies, I need to buy."

"We can do that." He looked around. "Then furniture?"

"Slip covers for now. Slayers are hard on furniture."

"I guess they could be. All kids are." Xander shrugged but grinned. "Let's go get you cleaning supplies."

"I need the cab number."

"I have a car."

"Mine's in Africa." His phone beeped so he answered it. "Yup?" He listened. "That's great, Scott. Yeah, I usually start there. I'll be in and out with the girls for a while. Yeah, that'll work. That is my farm. I had one chicken and it's free range...oh, now I have ten chickens. Where is the rooster?" He nodded once. "Yeah, if she wants she can have two or three of the chicks for letting her rooster out. I don't mind. I'm hardly ever at the farm. It's more of a fall-back than anything." He nodded. "That's fine. I can do that. Sure, you guys can. Giles let them out sooner? Cool!" He grinned at his father. "Giles let my new backup people out sooner."

He listened. "It's practical. I used to have a jeep until it got killed. That'll work and I'll come dig up the few supplies I have hidden in a few weeks. Yup, we can do that. I'm waiting on the transport ring. Great. Yup, that'll work. Start with Cyndra and move south? I'll start there and move north.... oh, still at the farm. That's cool. Why? I thought they went home." He listened and grimaced. "That's bad. Yeah it's in the barn, under the floorboards. Yup, we have to handle that. I'll be there in a while. I'll head right there and we can handle that." He checked his watch. "Yup....no, Brie should not be snatching me...." He disappeared.

"Call me," Tommy ordered. He got up to make a list of cleaning supplies. The kid seriously needed someone to help him. Maybe Mrs. Johnson would know someone who could be a good housekeeper for the kid. He went home to talk to her. And then Giles, who agreed it was a good idea. Especially since the African slayers were facing a slight apocalypse problem at the moment and he had no doubt Xander would at least be limping at the end. He looked that demon up and wasn't pleased. That got handed to Buckaroo as Tommy went to get a beer. It was early but somewhere in the world it was Budweiser time because his son was going into an apocalypse battle.

Buckaroo looked at it then at Tommy's back. "I take it Xander's back with the girls?"

"With his new helpers."

"Good. Maybe it'll be easier."

"Two adults, four guys," Tommy said. "Against something you'd want the army for?"

Buckaroo considered it then texted Xander to come back to the house once he was out of the hospital. And to call as soon as possible so his father wouldn't worry as much. Tommy would try to play it cool but they could do something to take his mind off things. They had a small upcoming tour to get ready for, that should help.

***

Xander blinked, staring at the nurse five days later. "What?" he demanded, sounding hoarse and tired.

"Your phone is beeping in an alarming way," she said in Swahili.

He took it from her and squinted at it. "Dad. I forgot to tell him I'm okay." He sent that text message then drifted off again.

Cala limped in, taking the phone to call as she limped out. "Mr. Tommy, it's Cala. Xander is mostly sedated. They want to keep him down so he won't fight the traction." She listened to him say he had seen the battle on tv. "They filmed it? That's weird. Usually they try to hide such things." She listened. "No, Zen and I are both healing well. Thank you for asking. No, Buffy yelled at us for not sending for her and Faith at the very least. Xander said he wanted Faith too but that was because she could use a weapon none of us could use. He promised to teach us how to use it when we were all walking again." She smiled at Zen. "It's Mr. Tommy."

She took the phone. "We're all okay. Xander's fine, they just don't want him to fuss at them about his ankle." She listened. "Someone filmed it?" She grimaced. "That's not good. How are they going to hide things so people don't panic and come after us again?" She leaned on the wall. "I can do that. We can have him sent back there. The other watchers are out but complaining. We're all near the farm since the battle was down south. They transferred him up here so they can send him home I'm sure. That would work. Thank you, Mr. Tommy." She grinned and blushed, ducking her head. "That's very sweet. We do like candy and that's a good reward for winning. Thank you, Mr. Tommy." She hung up and went to look at the nurses. "His father is going to try to get him home to New Jersey."

"If that healing spell her sister did works, he can go home tomorrow," the head nurse said. "You'll have to keep him in bed for days but he can go home." The girls smiled. "Go fuss over things, girls." They nodded and left to watch Xander sleep. Alathandra had been in an awful snit when she had shown up to yell at him for getting injured. His two ex's that were local had both sulked about him being injured but wished them all well and congratulated them. None of Xander's slayers understood why those sort liked him but it was nice he was liked by people who wanted to do married people things with him.

***

Tommy hung up and one of the Blue Blazer Irregulars nicely took the phone from him before he could throw it. "Thank you," he said. "We need to send Xander's slayers some candy for winning."

"Honey candy?" Penny guessed. "I doubt they're used to Hershey bars."

"Hershey is sold internationally but the formula differs," Buckaroo said. "I'd go with fruit, honey, and nut treats." He looked at Tommy. "How injured?"

"I heard the word traction noted twice," he said dryly. "Other than that, they're keeping him sedated so he won't fuss."

"It's not a bad idea," Buckaroo said. "Get him transferred back here while I finish this chapter of the textbook."

Pinky came out of the security office with Tommy's phone. "Some young girl named Brie called."

"Cala's sister," Buckaroo said absently.

"Xander's ankle's broken, it's being held in place while her healing spell works on it and his ribs. They had to remove a two foot demon claw from his stomach, only six inches was inside. She said they didn't remove anything and the anti-venom did work already. She called Alathandra a mean cow's cunt, she agreed with Nessie about that, but said something about cannibal teeth that I didn't understand. She said there's no new concussion, no visions, no other injuries beyond that and some scrapes when he slid thanks to being thrown. Buffy called to complain and I reminded her that's what warriors did, we fell in during emergencies." He handed the phone back with a grin. "Brie said the healing spell should fix most everything within a few days."

Tommy took a calming breath. "Thank you."

"Welcome." He walked off. "Hey, boss, there's someone at the gates?"

"Go see who it is, Tommy. That way you get to calm down," Buckaroo said.

"Sure." He walked out there, nodding at the guys in the black Impala. "Guys, I remember seeing you when we found Alex. What's up? He's in Africa."

"He had Cas gathering his poker debts so we're dropping off the easy ones," Dean Winchester said.

"He's setting up about six blocks away," Tommy said.

"His house has security on it and as soon as we get it into his house it's going to expand from what the nice, naked poker playing demon said," Sam said with a grin. "We don't want it to do that in the car."

"Is that his warehouses?" Tommy asked. They shook their heads. "I'm wondering if they went to Africa with him."

"Gabriel said that those were under the barn," Dean said. "He got them for Xander and the slayers when asked."

"We can find a corner for them. How much stuff is there?" Tommy asked.

"It's all in the trunk," Dean said dryly. "The naked demon shrank them for us. All he said was as soon as it was at Xander's house it'd grow."

"I think he considers that his house instead of here." He shrugged. "Sure, I'll hoard it here until we can get him back from Africa." Dean got out to hand him the boxes. Tommy looked in one then at him. "Why is there fabric?"

"Not really sure," Dean said. "Not sure I want to know."

Sam got out to lean on the roof, smirking at him. "We did hear that he and Alathandra broke up. She found a suitable breeder and he won't let her eat him like she'd want to do."

"Good!" The guys smirked at him. "Maybe he'll date someone nice next time."

"Not with what we heard of his history," Dean quipped. "Have fun with that. Cas said he'd get some of the farther flung ones this week."

"We should have Xander home in a few days. We hope." They nodded. "Do you guys know anything about healing spells? Brie said she did one."

"Not a thing. Our type of hunters doesn't do magic or encourage anyone to do magic. Most of the witches we've seen made dark deals for their powers," Sam said. "Rosenburg and a few others apparently grew into theirs instead. Most of the witches are bloodlined but she's not and we're not sure what happened to her."

"Xander said she was addicted to it."

"The rush of power's good," Sam admitted with a slight grimace, almost a pouty face. "It's really nice when you can do it." Dean stared at him. "It is."

"You're never going there again, Sammy."

"I know I'm not, Dean."

"Thank you." He looked at the guy again. "There had been one less box when we took them for Cas. I'm not sure which one that is though."

"We can check. Thanks, guys."

"Not a problem," Dean quipped. "I'm kinda glad he's giving Cas something mostly easy to work off that life debt. He could've been a real hardass. Moving help, not so bad."

"Even if we do find out more about demons like the slayers deal with," Sam agreed.

"There's a few websites they use," Tommy said. "Dawn sent them to me."

"I can email Dawn to get them," Sam said with a grin. "Thanks."

"Welcome. Thanks, guys." They got back into the car and drove off in a rain of heavy metal music. Tommy carried the boxes inside and put them into Xander's room for now. He'd wonder about things until his son could unpack them. He'd be there to see so he could nag about weapons. It's what a good father did.

***

Xander woke up with a blink. He recognized this room. "Huh, home," he said.

"Do not move," Buckaroo warned. "At all."

"Am I paralyzed? I wasn't when I went to sleep."

"No, but you don't need to be moving those stitches."

"Yeah, bone healing spells don't heal cuts," he said through a yawn. "How long have I been home and are the girls okay?"

"They're fine. They've all called. Tommy let them video chat so they could check on you," Buckaroo said, standing up to look at him. "Yes, I have you mostly immobilized so you can't rip anything." Xander grimaced but nodded he understood. "Cala's a bit pouty you wanted Faith."

"The girls don't know how to handle the higher artillery stuff and neither do the new watcher guys. I have to teach them. I had to teach Faith. I told her that."

"She knows. She thinks you missed training her in something."

"No, I didn't think she'd need to know that class of weapons. Or I'd be there if they did."

"You can chat with her later. You're not moving from that bed for two days."

"If I must," he sighed. "Thank you, Stepmom."

"Welcome, kiddo." He patted him on the head. "Be a good kid and I'll even let them feed you pudding instead of jell-o."

"I grew up on weak jell-o but pudding is good." He grinned. "I need to send the girls presents."

"Tommy sent them candy."

"They'll adore that. I need to send stuff for clothes. It's about time for that and presents for winning the battle. Any apocalypse battle means you get new weapons."

"We'll look at the ones you're getting from those poker debts," he said. "They dropped some off." Xander nodded, yawning again and drifting off. Buckaroo sent Tommy a message. He was off talking to someone paranoid in Homeland Security about the battle.

***

In New York City, Tommy looked at his phone. "Xander woke up. That's good." He looked at the officials again. "The president knows about the slayers that got transferred over."

"Why weren't we told?" the local head of the unit demanded.

"I'm not the president, I don't know," he said, again. They'd been over this twice now. "Why don't you ask him?" He stood up. "I can't give you anything you want to know. Most of that has to come from the president and I'm needed at home."

"Why? Your girlfriend anxious?" one sneered.

"My son just woke up out of a medically induced coma to heal the damage from that battle. You're taking me from my son's side." Two of them flinched. "Talk to the president, not us. Or even Mr. Giles. He's in charge of the slayers." He walked off. He'd had enough and he needed to be there when his son woke up the next time. Thankfully his car wasn't touched in the garage and it was an easy ride home this time of day.

***

Rupert Giles walked out to talk to whoever the slayer answering the door had called him about. "Yes, may I help you?"

"Rupert Giles?" the agent in charge demanded quietly.

"I am. How may I help you?"

"I'm Agent Dexter, Homeland Security. We're here to talk about what your girls are doing."

"Right now I'm hoping most of them are doing homework. It's the time of day for it," he said pleasantly. "But we can chat." He led them to his office. His two silent backup agents stood up the whole time.

"Why were we not told that you had appeared here?"

"I do not know. We were at the white house that same day over things. I wasn't aware I should check in with any agencies."

"You were at the white house? Why?"

"The young slayer that precipitated the event that merged our realms had landed there looking for her trainer. He had come here, which is his home realm, to heal some injuries with his father."

"Can you expand on that?"

"I can but I probably should not to protect the girl." He sipped his mug of tea and put it down. "She's nine, Agent Dexter. He is her trainer, he's over all the African slayers at the moment. Though I have been thinking about putting him over the US slayers instead and moving the majority here to England for safety reasons."

"Sir, to be blunt, I watched that show," one of the backup agents said. "Mr. Harris is in charge of the African slayers?"

"He is. He's got two adult ones and fifteen under patrol age in training, nine under puberty. Down to two that are mere children and he's teaching to read. I've recently sent more to work with him so he's not traveling as often and has more time to work with the girls. That particular one is often thought of like a daughter of his by many sources."

"What about the hellmouth?"

"That was on the structure of the old realm and it stayed there. I'm told we'll be able to separate again in about three hundred years." Agent Dexter grimaced. "We did leave quite a few problems there, including two demons that were slowly undermining most of Russia and parts of their surrounding countries by tunneling. They were going to end up sinking in the land within another year from what we saw." He took another sip of tea and put the mug back down again. "Most of the bigger threats the slayers are handling quite subtly. They have been before due to some...discomfort by the average person when things happen around them. Here seems to be a bit better about that."

"We try," Agent Dexter said.

"Sir, I know there was another season I didn't get to watch," that backup agent said. "What happened to Sunnydale?"

"It got sucked into the hellmouth after the battle against the First Evil. Which was also the issue that made Willow activate all the slayers."

"Did Miss Rosenburg help with the merging?" he asked.

"No, the young slayer, who is nine, wanted Xander back when he came home for a bit. She talked to a higher level demon who Xander had arranged to remove her from a dangerous situation if necessary. Apparently her idea also helped stop the apocalypse in the making in Russia, the demon Yakuza problem in Asia that was growing into a possible apocalypse, and the one that we had barely heard was starting that was coming from the angelic host that was *tired*. That one is mostly stopped but there's different power structures here so it's not as likely and both sides are having to consider their options at the moment. At the very least it's slowed it down or postponed it for generations at this point in time and Xander has noted that he can get explosives onto other realms so they're not really wanting to restart it at the moment either."

Crowley appeared, staring at the agents. He nodded at his minion Dexter. "It's a screwy plan that we all adore because it means that we're not in an immediate battle plus we get to prepare for it better." He smirked at Giles. "We'd like to talk to Miss Rosenburg."

"I believe she's without magic," he said firmly. "Why would you want her?"

"Because she summoned one of us by non-magical means and tried to sacrifice him." Giles blinked a few times. "To get her powers back."

"Xander bound her."

"Yes, but there's ways of summoning us if you find the right spot," Crowley said. "I've had them all disabled just in case." He crossed his arms over his chest. "Where might she be?"

"I thought she was here. Is it local?"

"Not that I'm aware of, unless Cleveland has suddenly moved closer to Detroit."

"Buffy!" Giles yelled.

Faith leaned in. "B went with Red yesterday on a road trip. What's wrong?" She spotted the demon. "Don't make me take you out. He'll complain about the books."

"Miss Rosenburg summoned a demon and tried to sacrifice it to get her powers back."

"I'll tell X so he can beat her ass," Faith offered.

"He's sedated due to his injuries so they finish healing," Crowley said dryly. "Otherwise I might have since by the current peace treaty I'm not to act against any humans and neither are they for a while."

Faith nodded, looking at Giles. "Witches?"

"I'll call them," he said, picking up his phone.

"I'll have agents pick her and Miss Summers up," Agent Dexter said. He looked at his boss, who shrugged. "Is it safe to have them here?"

"Yes. Because your old protectors are getting older and unable to handle things as often. That's why they allowed the merging. Especially since you'll have some more alien related problems soon." He looked at Giles. "We really must deal with her."

"I shall be. Is Buffy all right?"

"She was in the motel I believe. Not totally sure. I don't pay attention to the shade very often. She's an airhead and they give me headaches." He disappeared in a small gout of flames. Faith came in to stomp on the flames until they went out then walked off shaking her head.

Giles was muttering in Latin as he dialed the phone. "Maisy, I need Maribeth. Willow just tried to do a demon sacrifice of one of the true demons." He listened. "Detroit. Thank you. Yes, that will be held now." He hung up. "Once she's back here, we will be locking her away with the coven. They have cells that no one can get out of, even if they have powers. I'll be talking with Buffy about what she had planned as well."

"It's our job to protect the US," Agent Dexter said.

Giles smiled. "It's our job to protect humanity and the US is part of that. We would rather work with your people than not, but that has happened in our past. Some agents got very panicky about demons for a bit."

Dexter nodded. "We'll set down how to work together on things, including reporting to slayers if we see an uprising sort of movement among the lesser demon communities."

"That would be charming. There's not enough of us to be everywhere. Tell us if you hear about them in other places as well?"

"I can and will make that suggestion, Mr. Giles. We'd like to put an agent here to make sure of things like weapons."

"Yes, well, that's Xander's job," he said dryly. "He does tend to find them in some of the damndest places, like with the pirates he had to take out. Or the slavery ring he had to rescue a few slayers from." Agent Dexter slumped but the backup agents both smirked a tiny bit. "I know there's a warehouse of slayer needed weapons nearby. Frankly, I don't deal with modern weapons. I deal with ancient ones, as do the girls most of the time. They only know how to shoot thanks to Xander insisting. It has come in handy." He sipped his tea.

"The other hunters we've found?" the other backup agent asked.

"If they wanted to be incorporated as watchers we would not mind the experienced help," Giles admitted. "They would have to be good to the girls. They would have to help train them, as Xander does. I've recently given him a few to help in Africa and the girls seem to adore them because they have sense." Brie appeared with all the slayers and the new watchers. "Brie, is there a problem? You know you should not try that spell at your age unless there's an emergency."

"The sixteen Imams who have power near where we live have called for us all to be killed for being women who fight," Cala said quietly. "I didn't want her to do the spell, but it was safest since they raised a guerilla army and were coming for us. We need to move the families."

"We can do that," Agent Dexter offered. "And work on getting you girls to safety."

Nessie looked up at him. "Mr. Xander is in New Jersey. We can stay with him."

"Yes you can," Giles agreed. "I was about to make Xander over the US instead so he wouldn't have to travel as often." Nessie glared at him. "You could still visit and train with him."

"It's not the same." Faith came rushing in with weapons. "We're not bad girls today," she protested.

"People with guns," Faith said, keying in a door. "Inside, girls."

"I'm..." Zen started.

Faith shoved her in there. The other girls got shoved in there and Faith shut the door. The agents were already heading out front. "The rest of the girls are in the other two safe rooms with Andrew and the new cleaning lady." She rushed back out with Giles behind her.

***

Up in New Jersey, Xander moaned and held his head. "Someone has fucking great timing," he muttered. He felt around, undoing the straps holding him down. He sat up with a wince, calling his axe to him. No axe. He sighed and called it again. Still no axe. "Sure," he said, finding his phone on the table and calling the coven. "Cleveland's under attack. I know that, Maisy. Now please." He hung up and she got him sent there. He found his gun rack and loaded two, walking out there. "Boys," he said, sneering at them. "And I use the term loosely, because people who shoot at children are pathetic. What the hell are you doing?" They shot at him. So he shot three of them and looked at the last few leaders. "Well? I'm waiting."

"You're not human," one sneered.

"I am human. I'm just tougher than you." He shot him and looked at the last one. "Well? Still waiting, have no patience after the battle the other day." That one backed off and ran off. Xander put the gun on his shoulder and looked at Faith. "Aren't you supposed to be in a safe room?" She glared. He stared back. "You are a slayer, they need you more. Get your ass inside, woman!" She punched him. He took it and swatted her back. "You're too damn important to risk. Go. Inside." She nodded, doing that. He worked his jaw but it was fine. He looked at Giles. "They're coming back with more. Any idea where my axe is?"

"Probably in Africa," he guessed. "Or at your home."

"Not sure. It didn't come when I hit the retrieve thing Dawn made for me last year." Giles grimaced, shaking his head.

Gabriel appeared, handing him a footlocker with his axe on top. "All the families have been moved and are safe. Two of them wanted to come over here." He looked at Xander. "I got assigned to be your guardian angel."

Xander grinned. "Thanks. And for my weapons." He hugged him and handed Giles his shotgun so he could check his axe over.

"We can move the families that want to over here," Agent Dexter said. "It's an extreme circumstance."

Gabriel stared at him. "I can't move all of them."

"Get them to the same airport," Xander said. "We can fly them over."

"I can do that," he agreed, going to tell them that while Xander arranged the flight and showed the agents. They called that in and got it approved by the president. Xander called the others on a conference call. "Ladies, we're under attack by supposedly righteous people who hate that there's bad things again," he said bluntly. "Cleveland's in shut down and hiding mode. Africa's in a wreck by the text I woke up to."

"They're in my safe room," Giles said quietly.

"Giles has them. Thank you, Giles. Ladies, go to alpha hiding plan. Await further orders unless you have to remove yourselves for your own safety or the safety of those around you. Include your families if you can," he ordered.

"Yes, sir," came a bunch of female voices.

"Thank you. Be safe, ladies." He hung up and called someone else. "Who prompted the idiots?" He listened. "That's great. Thank you. No, please do if you can. We just had the house in Cleveland attacked and I've foreseen another one later. Thanks, Merle." He hung up and put his phone into his pocket, looking at Giles.

"You should be in bed," he said calmly and quietly.

"Yay me," he shot back. "I'm here for bad things." He looked over at the sound of a truck speeding their way. "Guys, they're going to try to ram the house." Giles activated the protections on it so they hit a shield. Xander grinned and waved. "The things superior demon species come up with that we can borrow." The people in the truck were followed by idiots in cars and more idiots in more trucks. Thankfully, Xander didn't have to worry about bullets or killing a normal person. Though he tried to just injure really badly. He got a few more injuries too but that had to happen this time. He ducked when he heard something huge going off. "You should be in the safe room!" he yelled.

"Yay me," Dawn shouted back. "I'm not going to let this shit happen. Thankfully I can't go Rosenburg." She fired off another weapon at the cars, making more people flee than stay to fight. She came down to look at Xander, who hugged her. "You need to quit worrying me."

"I will, Dawn." He kissed her on the head. "Go back to hiding. The girls will need you to back them up later." She nodded, jogging back inside.

Agent Dexter looked at the empty weapons then at Xander. "How did you get those?"

He grinned. "Kitten poker." The agents all slumped. Xander grinned. "We're on very good terms with the peaceful demon communities. We like it that way. It means we can hear things before they happen and handle them quietly."

"We like that too," Agent Dexter said. He called his boss, who had the president chewing on him. "Sir, Agent Dexter reporting from Cleveland. The mess is presently being cleaned up. The people who attacked the slayer house are mostly injured. The slayers are safe. We're working out an agreement to help the young women with their duties. We do want to put an oversight agent over the weapons," he told Xander. Who shrugged. "I know you gathered them for them."

"You'll never find all my weapons. Two I'm owed are off-realm," he said dryly. "I can't even find them."

"We'd like them to be consolidated to one area so we can keep track," Agent Dexter said.

"Two. I'm living in New Jersey and training the girls there."

"With your father?"

"He's up the road." He grinned. "Dad will probably want to look at the weapons too, maybe even look over my shoulder a bit."

"We can ask that he or one of his ...compatriots keep track for us, Mr. Harris." Xander shrugged again but winced and held his left one. "We can also make sure that any medical personnel here are very good at what they do."

"Our teams are good," Giles said. "They should be locked in the infirmary." He looked inside. Then at Xander. "Another one?"

"Don't know. I saw the first one, I saw this one, I had a hazy might-be-stopped one."

"Let's hope they are," Giles agreed with a scowl. "Go get cleaned up." He nodded, taking his footlocker and axe with him. "I'll take them inside, Xander." He took the footlocker from him. Xander kept his axe, it was his baby so he got to keep it. Not even their doctors took the axe from him. He looked at Agent Dexter. "Having someone helping the girls with training would be most kind of you. They've got naturally downloaded fighting skills but they need to practice them and weapons."

"We can do that," he said. He listened to his boss. "Slightly more injured, sir, why?" He winced. "I'm sure they'll let him go home later. Once he's made sure his girls are all safe. Thank you, sir." He hung up. "We will be meeting tomorrow, here, to make out that agreement. Until then, I'm sitting agents on this block to make sure you are not attacked again."

"That's very nice, thank you," Giles said, shaking his hand. Agent Dexter nodded and took his agents with him to make those orders from their car. Giles went inside to calm down the girls, who were all checking on Xander it seemed.

***

Buckaroo walked into the infirmary and found Xander back in the bed. "That's nice of you."

He waved a hand. "Dala said I had to. She sent me back and strapped me down."

"She did a good job. Any additional injuries?"

"Another thirty stitches and a graze."

"Uh-huh." He looked down at his 'step-kid'. "If Penny and I have kids, don't teach them to charge in without backup?"

"Isn't that your job since I learned being heroic from you?" Xander asked.

Tommy snorted from the doorway. "Yes, you did. Any grandkids I have, we'll teach them to have a bit of caution when they do the same things I heard you did."

"Had to happen, Dad."

"I don't disagree with that. I disagree with you trying to hide it."

"One of the witches put me back in bed."

"Uh-huh." He leaned on his son's bed, staring at him, smirking slightly. "You took on a bunch of people with guns and knives with a battle axe."

"It doesn't run out of bullets, and I've taken on bigger problems with my baby."

"I can just see your future kid, Toledo, named after the place where they made famous swords and axes," Buckaroo said.

"Still sterile," Xander quipped.

"You can adopt," Tommy said. "That way I have someone to make fashionable."

"I might adopt Nessie," Xander said.

"We can work on patrol outfits for the girls so they don't look like clubbers," Tommy said. "You can help."

"Must you punish me?" Xander begged.

"Yes, I must. You didn't even leave a note, son."

"Oops."

"Yup." He patted him on the leg, seeing the wince. "Old or new?"

"New," he sighed. "New graze."

Buckaroo took the sheet off him so he could check the new injuries. "The doctors at the house there have a good hand with stitches."

"They're trauma docs," Xander said. "I insisted when Willow wanted general people. She wasn't thinking about battle injuries."

"That can happen. People like to overlook the bad things." Buckaroo covered him back up and got him some water from the mini fridge. "You're not moving tonight."

"Can I sleep on my side?"

"No." He smiled. "You can't." He walked off. Father and son needed to have a talk about warning before going into a battle. Penny was looking anxious in the hall. "He's fine. He's begging for mercy from his father but he's fine."

She rubbed his arm. "Can we get them more help?"

"From the news, Homeland is going to be helping," one of the Blue Blazer Irregulars said from his seat. "I'm pretty sure they're going to have other agents helping too. Though one did want oversight of Xander's weapons, boss."

"I'm sure they would. So would I."

"Xander said they couldn't find them all, two were off realm and not even he could find them."

Buckaroo shook his head. "Sure." They all smiled at the boss going zen about things. "Sunset meditation is on like normal."

Tommy came out. "I'll be there. Xander agreed he'll at least send me a text message first. And I'll do the same," he said when Penny stared at him. She patted him on the cheek and walked off. His phone went off so he looked at it. "Hi, Nessie." He listened to her. "He's fine. Just a bit banged up. Few more stitches." He walked off listening to her. She needed to be calmed down before she got more frantic and did something else that was weird. He saw Gabriel appear in the infirmary but shrugged it off for now.

Gabriel appeared, hopping up onto the foot of the bed. "I know I'm your guardian angel and I'm excellent at it," he said. Xander smirked at him. "Don't do that to me again!"

"I handle things as they happen, Gabriel. But thank you."

"Uh-huh." He stared at him. "Only two things off-realm?"

"There's a permanent portal setup with them. I won that safe because I beat the shit out of the demon who had it under control when he jumped me. So I basically inherited it."

Gabriel nodded. "We'll see what we can do." He stared at him. "I can't heal like Cas could."

"I'm fine."

"Uh-huh. You're worse than a Winchester. You know that, right?"

"Been doing this for a while and I grew up like that once I was in Sunnydale. You learned to do things for yourself because no one else was going to do it for you."

"Point. I guess." He stared at him. "Try to stay out of trouble?"

"I try. I like my life most of the time. Even though I could be hit by a bus or a car or whatever, I'm usually careful."

"Good!" He hopped off the bed. "Let me go calm your terrors down before they start trying to call demons to help with things."

"That agent was in debt to a true one. That same one that showed up that night."

"Crowley? Figures," he snorted. He disappeared, going to check on them. He stared down at Nessie. "He's fine. He's in the infirmary being fussed at for the stitches. He's not even slurring." She glared and stomped a foot. "Calm down?"

"I want to go live with Mr. Xander."

"He has to finish fixing the house. Then you can live with him. Okay?" She pouted but nodded. "Good girl. The rest of you, be good. Please?" They shrugged. "Thanks." He went to moan to Cas about being Xander's guardian angel. He had to have some strategies for dealing with Dean in one of his moods.

Nessie grinned at the others. "Who's going to join me?" A few raised their hands. "Cool!" She pounced Cala to cuddle.

***

Xander snuck out of the infirmary and up to his room, finding his father in there. "Hi, dad."

"Knew you weren't going to stay." He patted the bed so Xander laid down and let himself be tucked in. "Thank you." He smiled. "The boxes are from Dean and Sam. They found some of the stuff already. It got shrank down by one of the ones they were collecting from. You can see them once they're at the house."

"Cool." He yawned. His father settled in to read to himself while Xander slept. It was weird but comforting. Especially when two of his ex's tried to climb in the window and got stopped by his father's gun in their faces. That was sweet of his dad.

***

Two weeks later, after Xander had escaped to go work on the new house, Tommy showed up with the boxes. "You nearly ready for these?"

"I think I am." He hauled them inside and blinked when they unpacked themselves all over the house. He checked, all the artillery was in the basement, the guns were in the front closet, the food that was left at the farm was in the kitchen, there was a tent out back, and there was now a porch swing but it had a wrapped box of candies in a heart-shaped box. "Cool. This is about a third of it." He grinned at his father.

He looked out back. "Why is there an Arabian tent?"

"I think that's a hint from him since I don't remember winning one." He considered it. "I wonder if I have camels." He went to look but his father walked him off to help set up his closets. "Sure, we can play with the clothes," he quipped. "What would you have done if I was still twins, dad?"

Tommy looked at him before smirking evilly. "More of you to love and take shopping."

"I'd flip a coin so we could switch off."

"Nope," Tommy said with that same evil smirk. "You could both go with me." He pushed him into the bedroom so they could arrange things up there. Then down to the kitchen to work on that. Xander did lean out to look at the tent, fortunately there were no camels, and then came back to work on the supplies they had. "You need plates for your truck."

"I've got them coming. I've got a temp tag I have to put on. I only got around to it last week."

"That's fine. We can go grocery shopping." Xander nodded, going with him. Xander knew how to cook. Not on a regular gas stove but he knew how to cook in the fireplace. That would translate over and Tommy could help. Xander had some unique ideas but they had a good organic market nearby for him to get weird things in. By the time they got home, the Winchesters had a few more things, which magically unpacked themselves once they carried them inside. Still a nice desert tent in the backyard, thankfully without camels. Dean and Sam looked around, Dean carefully shutting the front closet when he saw the weapons. He found the swords and crossbows in the other closet by the back door. The basement got a look down and Dean decided he didn't want to know. He had his own weapons, thanks.

Sam was staring at the tent. You could hear music from it. "Xander?" He pointed.

"I don't know," he admitted. "We can go see." He walked out there and leaned in, staring at the nice interior that looked like a movie set where you'd see belly dancers performing. "Greg?" he asked.

That demon smiled at him. "I'd love to have dinner with you later, Xander."

"Dad's here with the Winchesters. Rain check?"

"Definitely." He blew a kiss and disappeared with his radio.

Xander walked back to the back porch. "It was Greg. He wanted a date."

Sam blinked. "Is that normal?"

"I don't really look at race all that often. I only really care about harmful or not." He shrugged. "Alathandra was one of the Sisters of Magic."

"Don't they have nether teeth?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, but female condoms block that and she said they taste nasty to her so she'd never bite through them." He grinned. "She's found a nice breeder so she dumped me."

Sam hugged him. "Maybe you'll find someone kind of normal." He walked him inside.

Tommy looked at his son, then went back to chopping onions. "Let's cook, kid."

"Yup. Guys, staying for dinner?"

"We love free food," Dean quipped. "So what's the tent?"

"Greg wanting a date," Xander said. "I think it's a fantasy of his or something. But no camels so I don't have to worry about pets." Xander moved to work on the meat. "Stew or not to stew?" he asked.

"Don't care," Dean said, looking at Sam.

Who shrugged. "You're cooking, we're just hungry," he quipped. Xander hugged him and got back to work. Tommy smiled at them and helped, teaching Xander how to regulate the stove instead of how to use the fireplace. It worked well and the barley with beef and beer stew turned out nice. Even if Dean didn't realize it had vegetables in it until he bit into a parsnip.

***

Xander walked into a mall two days later, dragging his feet. His father was punishing him for not following medical orders and sparring of all things that morning. Tommy was right behind him. Xander spotted a problem and winced. "That's Toth," he said with a point.

"No way in hell," Tommy said, walking Xander off by force and calling that in to Buckaroo. Who came to talk to him. He was the intended target but managed to talk his way out of being split. Toth had to pout at the logic that got used on him like a weapon. Then one of Xander's other ex's showed up with a sword and beheaded him but took the weapon.

"Make him pretty for our date next week please," the ex yelled. "I'm taking him to the Met."

"He has two suits."

"It's the *Met*."

"Good point. We can find him a nice tux."

"I don't need a tux. I have no idea how to eat in places that require a tux," Xander complained.

"You can learn. It'll be something good to teach your girls."

"I can't imagine most of the slayers in ballgowns. Even Buffy."

"Point but good manners are universal," Tommy said.

"Not exactly true. There's all sorts of different eating customs, even on the same continent." Tommy stared at him. "I guess I can teach them good manners while I teach them those though." Tommy nodded, taking him to get a new suit for that date. During the fitting, someone texted Tommy that the 'date' had been canceled due to that one being arrested. So that helped but maybe he'd take his kid to the museums anyway. He might like that stuff. Xander let himself be dragged since it was a punishment shopping trip and he did need new underwear. His father had found out he didn't have any, at all, and was not amused. Xander even talked him into helping him pick out a new pair of leather pants for clubbing.

Xander heard a reporter hissing about 'Perfect Tommy and his boyfriend' and looked at his father then at her. "I'm not into incest so can you keep the 'boyfriend' talk down please?" he asked dryly. She gaped in horror. He grinned. "He's trying to up my wardrobe so I look good enough to hang out with him." He walked off.

Tommy looked at her, shaking his head. "Xander," he complained but he was grinning.

"What?" He shrugged and smiled. "You give good hugs but I'm still not into incest." Tommy swatted him and made him get more underwear for that taunting of the reporter.

"Is he in the band?" the reporter asked.

"He never learned to play an instrument but if he wanted to learn I'd try to teach him."

"I'm a bit old to teach that stuff," Xander said.

"You're not," he shot back. "Really. It might help you calm down too."

"We'll talk about that later. I'm not sure if I could play." He looked at his hands, which had scars and bumps, and sore knuckles at the moment thanks to his possessed alarm clock this morning. "We'll see though. Maybe." He smiled at him. "You can't really wear underwear under leather pants."

"You can wear a thong and if you do it might keep some of the bad girls off you," Tommy shot back, handing him another pair for that attempt.

"Yes, sir."

"Good boy." Xander barked and grinned at him. "Cute." He walked him off to pick out shirts to go with the leather pants. He stared down the reporter until she ran off. He looked at his son. "She'd probably be drooling if she saw you with your battle axe."

"Maybe but I doubt she's my type." He shrugged. "I'll find a good lover sometime. They like to hunt me down."

"You don't flirt?"

"No, I like to be pursued for that. I flirt once they introduce themselves." Xander looked at him. "Anytime I try to flirt, the person huffs off being offended."

"Hmm. That sucks." He took that shirt away from him and handed him another one. Xander tried that on. That worked, almost. Wrong size. "I keep forgetting you have muscles." Xander flexed. "Showing off for someone?"

Xander pointed. "Reporter's still staring." Tommy glared at her. She walked off again. "Do I have enough clothes?"

Tommy smirked. "I'm not sure yet."

"Shit," he muttered. He got swatted for the swearing but that was his dad being a dad. They finally got out of the mall and headed back to Xander's house. Nessie was there by herself. "When did you get here and why didn't you call?"

"I ran away from Cala. She's got girl times and she's mean today." She hugged him. He cuddled her back, walking inside with her. She looked over his shoulder. "It's a reporter bitch, Mr. Xander."

"No swearing," Tommy ordered.

"Only about them and demons that cause apocalypse battles," she quipped. "They deserve it."

"They might, still no swearing. It's not polite and it's not what good girls do," Tommy told her.

"Since when am I a girl?" Xander asked. "Since those were my rules too."

"I can find you a pretty dress if you want," Tommy offered.

"No thank you. Willow tried a few times." He shook his head. "C'mon, we'll go train out back once the clothes are up." Nessie took some of the bags for him. Tommy carried the rest so they didn't have to make two trips.

***

The BBI on the gate looked over it at the knock. "We're not making any statements right now," he said.

The reporter backed up. "Who is that guy who was shopping with Perfect Tommy?" she asked. "He told a reporter at the mall he was a relative when she speculated they were dating."

"He is. We don't make comments about Xander either."

"Is he one of the crew here?"

"Not exactly. Still, no comment."

"Did you know he had a daughter?"

"He's training her, lady, he hasn't adopted her yet. He might, they're close and the kid's adorable, but not yet. Still, no comment." He climbed back down. He could hear her huff. He sent a message up to the compound for someone else to deal with that. He was a new Blue Blazer Irregular, he had no idea who handled press matters.

***

Penny got sent out to handle it that night when two reporters were waiting. "Ladies." They stared at her. "You're making the guys in the compound nervous. Do you mind?"

"We wanted to know about that guy that Perfect Tommy was spotted with."

"That's his son. They haven't had much contact for a long time so they're catching up. Though I think today's shopping was in punishment for something." She smiled. "We like Xander. He's a nice guy."

"That girl with him?"

"He's teaching her self defense."

"Why can't she go to a regular class?"

"Ask him." She crossed her arms over her chest. "Anything else?"

"Is he the same guy that was in that battle in Africa?" the second reporter asked.

"Yes, he was." She smiled and walked off again, closing the gates behind her. Buckaroo was grinning. "I was good."

"You were very good." She patted him before walking off. He watched the reporters hover outside but Tommy didn't even roll down his windows when he drove up to the gate. They could shout all they wanted but Tommy knew how to play it cool in the face of that sort of thing. He heard later Xander had come out onto his porch with a shotgun to drive the ones there off. They ran for their lives and called the cops. Who told them to leave the guy alone. He was jumpy and just off a battle, and they all hated the local reporters anyway.

Then Giles heard and Xander got chewed a new one for over an hour in a few languages by the stuffy British guy.

***

Xander came out the next morning wearing clothes his father liked him in. He had to make a good impression. He had been ordered to make a good impression. He leaned on the gate, staring at the two people hanging out there. "You still haven't went home?"

"You were at that battle in Africa."

"Yes I was. It's not my first apocalypse battle." The reporter blinked. "There's been a number of them over the years."

"You...we're hearing about super strong girls out of Cleveland?"

"I'm told that slayers are a tv show to you guys."

"I knew it!" the other one snapped. "You're Xander Harris." He grinned and nodded. "You're related to Perfect Tommy?"

"He's my dad. I got moved to that realm to even some things out when I was four. Then I got deaged." He shrugged. "It meant I was there when the girls needed me. I'm still there when the girls need me, including the ones I'm training." He stared her down. "We at the Council are going to have to demand that you do not take pictures of the slayers as there's idiots who might take them out for doing their duties. Like the attacks in Cleveland the other day. Especially since half of them are under the adult age limit."

"It's not against the law," she huffed.

"I can guarantee you that if you print a picture of one of the slayers or watchers, one of the unknown ones because I couldn't keep Buffy out of the press once this gets out if I tried, and they're hurt, you're going to not be pleased to see me for that final time." He stared at her. "Their safety is dependent on people not knowing who they are. It's a simple request and we're making it to all news outlets. Get the head people, Giles, Buffy, Faith said she'd hide like hell from you guys. You might even see me now and then. Do not get the other girls or the watchers please."

"I can see why. We'll talk to our editors about it."

Xander tipped his head. "I can accept that for now. But if I have to show up to protect them like I did in Cleveland, I doubt people would like that." He smiled. "It's not the first time since we had some slayers burned at the stake in Africa."

"I can see the point," she repeated. She also took a step back. "You're training the little girl from yesterday?"

"Yes I am."

"Did Willow Rosenburg really do that spell? The one that called all the slayers?" Xander nodded.

"How many are there?" the other asked.

"Over six hundred," Xander said. "Eighty-six are on patrol at the moment, another hundred have chosen to have a normal life and just protect around themselves or they're in college. The rest are all underage. The rules state no going on patrol until you're through all your training and at least sixteen. Because in some countries sixteen is a legal adult. Usually they have to be at least seventeen to be through all the training though. It was a practical rule."

"What about slayers that are from areas where girls marry very young?" the first reporter asked.

"We have a number of those. Some have kids, some don't. Someone associated with a few of the slayers stopped one being married off a few months back. She's twelve." The reporters both slumped. "I've been training the girls in Africa for a few years now. I've seen plenty of girls that became women before they were fifteen because that's when they got married and started having kids. We make the rules so they're practical for all and expect them to follow the sensible ones. We take very good care of our slayers, and we work with their families to make sure they have what they need to raise them until they come in for a few years of training. We're not like they showed the old Council to be. We stopped that shit immediately. And yes, that's an intentional swearing about that." He smiled. "Anything else, ladies?"

"How did you get this house? It's not in the records."

"It's my biological mother's house. She deeded it to me." He smirked a tiny bit. "After cleaning it up... It's much prettier." He walked off. "Have a good day away from my gate please. I've got more stuff coming and you're in the way." They ran off to tell their higher ups about that. Most of the news people agreed to not come near a slayer or watcher for their own safety. Though one did try one of the younger girls at the house. Who then got attacked by someone who managed to not get arrested after the battle. The cops barely got there before Xander did and that person ran toward the cops for their lives, letting Xander baby the slayer. Xander spotted the reporter, who also ran for her life and decided that it was a good idea to leave the slayers alone. He got to baby the slayer all the way to the ER then the house, then he went to yell at the reporters outside. By the time he was done, they all agreed to never take a picture of a slayer again.

***

They got a blissful four months before one good problem that would get them bad attention. Buckaroo had been taken from a concert by ...something. No one was sure. Xander wasn't nearby to identify the something because he was doing something for the Council. The guys who had been over the demon classification books hadn't been able to identify it. Finally Tommy got hold of Xander, walking off talking to him. An officer tried to get into his way so he stepped around him. "Xander, Buckaroo got taken by something...." He listened. Then he snapped his fingers.

"He's where Xander is liaisoning with a group. They spotted him on a motorcycle and told Xander he was chasing something." He listened. "Any idea what we need to do?" He nodded slowly. "Okay. Can you find him and guard him? Even better. Thank you. No, I didn't know there were any of those left." He grimaced. "We'll handle it. They made it our problem. Thank you, Xander." He hung up and looked at the guys. "There's still a few from Yoyodyne who exist. Xander said some of them may be halfies. They're the ones that had him snatched by that demon." That got a nod and a grimace by all the older guys. "He said Buckaroo's near him and he's going to see if he can find him. If not, the people he's with are helpful and peaceful. They'll help him."

"Can we get to him?" New Jersey asked.

"He's in Delaware."

"Too far away since we're in upper New York," New Jersey said. "Buckaroo okay?"

"Don't know, he didn't know," Tommy admitted. "So let's pack up and go see what we have to do." They nodded, getting everything together to head to the bus. Tommy followed, scowling slightly. A demon stopped New Jersey and grabbed him with his tentacles, one on his forehead, one on his mid-spine, and one over his asshole. "Hey!" Tommy shouted. "Get off him!"

"No, leave him," New Jersey said. "They're a hive species and he said Buckaroo had a crash." He looked at Tommy once he was free. "Xander has him." He looked at the demon. "Have him make sure he can handle it for five hours. It'll take us that long to get there." The demon nodded, babbling something before running off. "Thank you!"

"Guys, we need to go now," Tommy ordered as he walked onto the bus.

"Xander just had to borrow some memories to get Buckaroo stable," New Jersey agreed as he walked onto the bus. "All I saw was a head injury that was bleeding." The driver nodded and they took off once everyone was accounted for. Tommy had to do the bad calling and tell Penny but that had happened once in the past.

***

Xander looked over once the man was brought in. "Let's go to the science lab, guys. The human one." They nodded, two running ahead to start things. Xander accepted the memories and nodded. "We can handle it. I've seen it done in the wilds of Africa." He checked his patient over, nodding at what he saw. "Okay.... We need power, people." The nearest demon turned it on. "Thank you, Phuk 3." The demon babbled at him. "I know it's bad. Get me a scanner? Or something to take readings of his body?" A demon was pulled over and he showed an image after touching Buckaroo's body.

"That's nasty," he said, looking at a few fractures. "And some swelling. "Thank you," he told that demon, patting it on the head. "I need a breather." One was held up for SCUBA diving. "Get me a tube and the ticklish ones." They found one. It was exhausted. "Got one that's fresher?" It was found and stuck onto the end of the tube. Xander leaned down to open up one of Buckaroo's eyes. "Relax, I have New Jersey's memories. We're going to treat this and you'll be fine until he gets here. Even if it's a bit weird. I've seen it done a lot more harshly in the wilds. Just stay calm and it'll be okay. Dad knows. Then we'll handle the Yoyodyne aliens."

He let the eyelid drop. "Let's start." He scrubbed his hands in a nearby sink and put on gloves. "Let's do the tube first. I'll need you to keep tickling it every few minutes so he keeps breathing." They nodded. He carefully inserted the tube, smiling at them. "The things you learn from a textbook in Sunnydale." The demons beamed. He tickled the demon, making it laugh and breathe. "Keep it doing that."

One of the Phuks nodded, moving to do that for him. "Do we have anything like a vara demon?" The Phuks looked at each other and held a silent talk. Then one ran off, coming back with something that was dripping slime. "That's brilliant. That'll seal the bone fractures perfectly. Get me a syringe without a needle." One was handed over and Xander had to unscrew the needle cap but that was fine. He eased some of the slime out and moved over. "My med kit from the car?" It was carried in. "I'll eventually need a micro laser and stuff to hold his hair."

He found the problems and made tiny cuts to put the slime into the small fractures. Buckaroo moaned. "Tickle it please. More often." The Phuk did that. "Thank you." He finished and stitched those closed then took off the gloves and washed his hands and arms again. "Let's go full scale anti-contamination." He finished up and got put into a surgical gown. "Decent, guys, thanks." Gloved up, masked up, and gowned, he moved back to the bed. "Let's start with the hair masking." Some gel was handed over.

"That'll be good. Hard to wash out later but that'll be good for days. Good thinking, Phuk 5." That one beamed. "3, tickle it more often." 5 came around to help by taking turns tickling the little laughing demon. "Thanks." He carefully separated the hair and took the laser, saying a silent prayer before making a mini cut into his scalp. He cleaned it up and continued until he had a tiny hole into his skull. He did four more to give him some easing room, and if they had to remove the top of the skull later to give him more room it'd be easier.

"Let's lower the temp here, just in case," he said calmly and quietly. The demons got a chilling machine they had found somewhere and started it. "That's good. Just a few degrees please. We don't want him to have hypothermia, but it'll help with the swelling." They nodded, adjusting it for human strength instead of penguin demon strength. "Better." He checked with the demon that did scans. "Nicely done, Xander," he told himself, grinning at the scans. "Not a single drip of the slime. The swelling's already going down some." He patted over the hair when the man on the bed started to shift. "That's not a seizure."

"We can read his memory?" one of the Phuks asked.

"Please. That way we know it's safe just in case of something." They read him like they had New Jersey's and went to file that away once it was downloaded into a cube. Xander took off the medical gear and washed his hands again. He checked, Buckaroo was breathing but not that often. It wasn't a huge, great sign but a reasonable one according to the new memories.

Tommy pounded then stomped in once they got there. "Xander?"

One of the Phuks pointed. "In the lab, Father of the Great One."

"Thank you." New Jersey jogged that way. He came in, pausing at the sight of the breathing apparatus. "That's...hopefully helpful?"

"It is. It's getting tired too." He looked at the doctor. "I filled them in." He waved over the imaging demon.

New Jersey looked, nodding. "That's a good job, Xander. You're going to medical school, right?"

"I already read Willow's mom's textbooks when I was little and I hate bookwork. So unless there's a practical class, nope." He looked. "Hey, Stepmom, I'm going to have to withdraw the airhose once they bring in something to replace it."

"It's coming," one of the Blue Blazer Irregulars called. It was brought in with a few other things. "Here, New Jersey, from the mobile infirmary."

"Thanks, guys. Let me handle this. Xander, let's replace the tired, helpful thing with the machine." Because the little laughing thing was a tiny bit creepy and the guys were all staring at it like it was unholy and the real problem. He got it set up and they switched it out, Xander cuddling and petting the little demon, who purred at him for it. He praised it and handed it back. It went back to its enclosure. "What are they?" New Jersey asked as he checked things.

"They're Phuks. They're a hive species. They read memories and store them for later research and going over. They also store interesting things they find, like the chilling machine and our imaging friend here." Xander patted him on the arm, making the image wobble. "Sit, rest. We hopefully won't need help for an hour. Need fed?" It nodded. "Guys, get me some cheetos for this one please?" he called. "He's starving."

"Got some in the bus," one of the guys said. The demon moaned when he was handed them, inhaling the snack sized bag. "Wow, they really like those."

Xander grinned. "Their native habitat has a rice plant that grows out like the puffed version but they don't have cheese." He moved to check on things. "That filler is going to last forever. It's not toxic to bodies. It's antibacterial. I've seen someone knit bones together with it. I know some people who do the whole depravation playing time stuff that use it for that." New Jersey looked at him. "I had two bones sealed with it a few years back. It's slime and it's gooey but it hardens nicely and it's going to prevent any problems for decades."

"That's more than acceptable as long as it won't hurt him," Tommy agreed.

"No, it shouldn't. Very few are allergic to it. It takes an allergy to silver." Tommy shook his head because that wasn't Buckaroo's problem. "The only real problem I had to do something odd for was the swelling and I made five microholes and then lowered his core body temp."

"Which is a good plan," New Jersey agreed. "I've used it before."

"I've seen that same thing done with a chisel and hammer," Xander said. "Including at some hospitals."

"That's...horrifying. Really, really horrifying," Tommy said. "But he's good?"

"As far as I can tell. They brought him in on a board so I haven't removed him from it. I told him what was going on when he was brought in." They nodded. "So he should be fine as long as we get the swelling down."

"It's a good job so far. You've done everything I would've." New Jersey looked at him. "Will it make you forget them sometime?"

"Nope. It's a non-removable copy and paste thing. Even under memory spell it won't go." He shrugged. "It was expedient, that's why I had them ask you. Besides, I'm already field medic trained. It'll help the girls after a battle."

"It's a good idea and that's fine. Just don't hit on my girlfriend."

"I won't, or her husband." New Jersey winced. "You saw them in the parking lot."

"Oh."

"But I think he sent her to hit on you because he was filming it. I was there and spotted him, and stopped him, from filming from his car and whacking off."

"Charming. I'll avoid her when I get back." Buckaroo shifted. "No, you stay still. You had a wreck, you have swelling, you don't get to move."

"What are the guys at Yoyodyne doing now?" Tommy asked.

One of the Phuks tugged on his jacket sleeve. "They have gate. They want to bring others to go home that way."

"What sort of gate?" Xander asked. It showed him a picture. "That's not a good gate and it's not a dimensional gate. That won't get them home." The Phuk shrugged. "Did someone see it?" They shook their heads. "Who spotted it?"

"A Phunk was there. She saw it and told us. That's why we called," the Phuk said.

"Okay, we can do that," Xander agreed. "That's too dangerous to risk them playing with." The Phuk nodded. "Thank the Hive Mind Keeper for me. You guys did fantastic and I'm so glad you guys had such a store."

The Phuk looked up and behind them then smiled at him. "She said you are welcome, Knight, and we were happy to learn new memories. We keep all things private," he told New Jersey. "Unless they are needed. Then we only share with those worthy of a Phuk's life." He bowed and left them to it.

Xander looked at Tommy. "Let's go handle that. So you guys can worry and pace on top of the bones of your enemy?"

"I'll take a volunteer crew," he said. "You're staying...."

"I've actually raided compounds like this by myself and I know how to disable a gate. You don't." He grinned.

"Sometimes I wonder if you're not mine and Buckaroo's kid," Tommy said dryly.

Xander blew a kiss. "If you weren't a knight you wouldn't follow stepmom."

"Probably true," he admitted. "Penny's flying down, New Jersey."

"That's fine. He's stable and I can have him moved once it's safe." They nodded.

"Not the university," Xander warned. "Some of the Initiative people are there. That's why I was down here when I ran into a Phuk." That just got a nod. "Let me...." He looked at himself. "I'm good," he decided. "I need a weapon....." He walked out, going to get one from his car. He got his usual assault kit, outside of his axe. He'd miss it but it was at home. He drove himself there, spotting the guards. He drove past the area and then parked in a shopping mall's parking lot.

He snuck back the quarter mile, nodding at the team he spotted. The Irregulars were well trained. Xander got over the fence and snuck inside, taking out two beings who had to be half-breeds. Apparently some women would sleep with anything. He got up onto the roof, sneaking over to the electrical wires. He cut the wire leading into the compound and all the other ones. He nodded and snuck down again, going inside. The guys were following cautiously. They could all hear someone complaining.

"Why did the generator not click on!" a male voice shouted. "It should have clicked on! Is the rest of the neighborhood without power or is it just us? We can't wait, this has to open tonight! We only have two hours to do the final test and calibration."

Xander nodded at the others to take out the guards and he'd head for the gate, getting a nod from his father. Xander snuck closer. That room was lit with candles and torches. Very few shadows.

"Who are you?" one of the guards demanded. "Identify yourself!"

Xander stepped into the light. "I'm the White Knight of Sunnydale, bitch, and I'm here to ruin your day." He shot him then the others running toward him. "Halfies. Great." He jogged over to the gateway, looking at it. He checked his compass then the gate. He walked around it. "Shit, it's not a dimensional gate. It's a demonic gate. They set it up wrong." He touched it. Still warm. "And it's been opened tonight. Charming!" He ducked when something was shot at him. "Not going to work."

"You cannot stop us. Not even the Great Buckaroo Bonzai can stop us," the man sneered. "We will go home. We will rule again."

Xander stabbed him. "Sure you will. You can go home on your shield since you won't be carrying it." He shot a few more that came running. "I really need a sword," he muttered. He spotted the moving shadow. "Which one are you?" he sighed. She laughed. "Show yourself. I'm not playing this game."

"You're not exactly a worthy sacrifice but you'll do," a dulcet voice said from a shadow up the hall. "You're very nice."

"No I'm not."

"I think you are, Knight. Is that your rank or title?"

"No, that's a name." He sneered at her. "I work with slayers, demon. You're not getting free."

"I can and will." She came into the light. She was half naga, half woman. She was like Medusa that her hair was made of snakes but she wasn't changing him to stone. "You are very brave. I've seen a few knights over the years. No armor?"

He smirked. "Welcome to the twenty-first century."

"Hmm. It's a beautiful time. Pity there's not as many virgins to form my cadre of priests." Xander snorted, shaking his head. "I will live through this."

"No, you won't."

"I'm sure I will." She slithered closer. "You would make a good high priest." She touched him on the face and nothing happened. "You're not a pure human."

"Got exposed to mermaid taint," he said dryly. "But yes, I am. I was born one." He shrugged then punched her in the nose. She shrieked, flinching backward. "What's your name, bitch. The slayers will need to know for the books." She sneered. He sneered back. "I know baby slayers that do that better."

"I'll take them out tomorrow. You don't find me pretty?"

"Nope."

"Huh," she snorted. "You're not human."

"Actually, I am, I'm just bisexual. You're not pretty or deadly enough for my standards, lady. Never will be." She sneered, slithering around him. He turned to watch her. "I've drawn some of the most deadly ever, some of the most evil ever, and you're not even close to turning me on. Maybe you're kitten level of evil but you're not even as bad as some vampires, sweetheart."

"I'll prove you wrong by taking out the humans with you." She raised a hand but a shot rang out, making her flinch. "What is that!" she demanded. "How dare you try to harm me! What is that thing?"

"Again, welcome to the twenty-first century," Xander quipped. "They've been around for a few hundred years." She glared at him. He smirked back. "Some of us are very good with them."

"You carry no weapons," she sneered.

"You'd be shocked." She lunged and Xander swung with his dagger, making her laugh until he cut her breast as she moved.

"You...you...animal! How dare you despoil my beauty!" she roared, lunging at him again.

"Eeeh," he said with a shrug before shifting to the side to stab her again and kick her. "Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do." The fight was on and Xander really wanted a bigger knife but he had to use what he had. He was getting a bit injured, but yay. He finally stabbed her in the eye, killing her. Of course, got bitten by her hair snakes. He panted, holding that spot. "I hate anti-venom treatments." He looked at himself. "They're in the medkit back with the Phuks."

"That's why we have an ER," Tommy said, moving closer. "Guys, get him an ambulance." They were already calling. "Shoot her next time!"

"Can't. Needs to be beheaded before she revives." He swallowed and panted. "Need to do it now." One of the guys brought in a small laser and cut her head off. Xander nodded. "Thanks." Paramedics rushed in and paused to look at the dead demon then at him. "She had to go before she took out humanity," he panted.

"He got bitten by some of the hair snakes. He's got some cuts from the fight," Tommy told them.

"Your boyfriend, sir?" one asked.

"Father."

"Okay. Let us have him. We'll take the head in so they can test the snakes. Are her claws dangerous or have stuff on them?" Xander shook his head. He grabbed the breathing mask and put it on himself. "C'mon." They grabbed their stuff and Tommy carried him out to the ambulance while one got the head. They sped off while tying Xander down. They did not have time to waste tonight.

***

New Jersey walked into Xander's hospital room the next early noon reading his chart. "They're not amused by her hair. There's twenty types of snakes with twenty types of poison. Thankfully they could identify which one bit you." He looked at the guy on the bed. Xander nodded, making go on hand motions. "You good?" Xander nodded. "Throat still sore?" Xander nodded again. "That's normal I guess. You did swell a lot." He checked him over. "So, what do you think?"

Xander moved the mask to mouth 'I want out of here before the torturing nurse flirts with me again' then put the mask back.

"One has?" Xander nodded, tapping the phone beside his hand. He looked at the picture then sighed. "She is. No scrub top has that much cleavage naturally." He sent it to his own phone then put the phone back. "You up for visitors?" Xander shook his head. "Your dad's pacing."

"I made him go do something," was mouthed.

"Ah. No wonder. You know, this heroic streak of yours is pretty bad." Xander flipped him off. "None of that. I'm not near evil enough for you. Buckaroo's headed home. The swelling's fully gone down and he'll be in the infirmary for weeks. Penny's still crying on his shoulder and wants to bake you cookies." Xander grinned. "Which you can have when you get home in three days." Xander shook his head. "Oh, yes. Three whole days." Xander pointed at the window and the demon stuck there. "What's that?" Xander shrugged. "It's bad when even you don't know." Xander snorted but grinned. New Jersey walked over to look at it. "You can't hurt Xander."

"I'm saving him," it said through the window. "There's an evil one here who would like to date him. We must save him so his lover can keep him. It is a great love story with the blond one."

"That's his dad."

"Oh," the demon said, pouting. "Are you sure? He hovers like a boyfriend." Xander was laughing. "He is his father?" Xander nodded. "Pity. We were hoping the curse on you was done with." Xander shrugged. "Still, he needs guarded. The two evil ones are making plans on how to love and dismember him so they can share the joys of his body. One thinks if he has no calves and no arms he'll still be good enough in bed and be a nicely broken slave like her last one. The other one just wants his hands and penis. They are agreeing to share so far."

"I'll have people talk to them so they can't do that. Tommy would be mad if they cut up his son."

Tommy walked in, nodding. "I've already driven one off."

"She wanted him for a spell's sacrifice of blood, Perfect Blond One."

Tommy looked at him. "Seriously?" Xander shrugged. The demon nodded. "Huh. We'll have to stop them." Xander nodded. "Thank you for the warning." The demon cooed in pleasure. "We're all hoping Xander's next lover is good to him. He deserves one. He took out a demon that was half snake the other day."

"You killed the Goddess Medi," the demon said in awe, staring at Xander. Who shrugged. "She of the naga and the snake hair?" Tommy showed him a photo. "That is her." He gave Xander an awed look. "You are great." Xander grinned and waved. "I will still protect you."

"Thank you," Xander tried to say but ended up rubbing his throat. His father got him some cold water to ease it.

The demon smiled at New Jersey. "Is Buckaroo okay?"

"Yes. He's headed home to finish recovering."

"Good!" The demon shifted his grip. "It is the one who only wants his hands and penis."

New Jersey smirked at the nurse. "What are you doing?"

"I'm giving him his medicine."

"I doubt he needs viagra," Tommy said. "Thank you anyway." She glared and tried to hit him. He punched her into the wall and knocked her out. "My daughter-in-law has to be tougher than you." Xander was laughing. Another nurse came rushing in but there was an agent behind her and she couldn't get past Tommy to stab Xander. Who kicked her when she tried anyway. She went down.

The agent straightened out his jacket. "Gentlemen, who are you?"

"I'm his father," Tommy said dryly. "ID please?" The agent pulled it out to show him. "Homeland. Associated with Dexter?"

"He ordered me to put Mr. Harris in protective custody when he heard he was in here, especially from the slayers nagging." Xander nodded quickly. "One of the slayers heard about her...stash of partial men so we were arresting her for that when she tried to get him. The other?"

"Only wants his dick and hands," Tommy said dryly. "Only evil ones seem to like my son." Xander shrugged at him. "I'm introducing you to people with class and taste."

"We stopped one of those with flowers but he was an arms dealer," the agent said with a smile for the young man. "Marvin?"

Xander nodded. "Very nice to me. Is willing to help me raise the slayers."

"No," the agent said. "Thank you anyway but we want good influences on them." He cuffed the two women and got help carrying them out.

Tommy looked at his son. "No one with an open warrant please?" Xander nodded he'd try. "Thank you." He helped him sip more ice water.

New Jersey made notes in the chart and walked off shaking his head. Things were often not normal around Xander. It was less boring than they had for the last few years but they were hoping it wouldn't approach the level that Buckaroo used to cause when he was younger.

***

Xander got out of the hospital and was walking out to the car when two naked women with turtle heads rollerskated up to them with a kid between them. "Hi, Phunks." They spun him around, making him smile. "I'm happy to have helped." They hugged him. He smiled and patted the baby on the head. "Way to go, Baby Phunk. You skate so well. You'll be an excellent Phunk some day." The baby beamed and hugged him, spinning around more slowly with him. Then the moms gathered him and skated off together.

"They're...what?" Tommy asked.

"Phunks."

"What do they do?"

"That. Sometimes music festivals. They follow Phish a lot." He grinned at his father. "They're happy, unless you suggest rollerblades instead of the old style four wheel skates."

"I think they're neat," he said. "You can never be too happy." The watching Blue Blazer Irregulars were paying bets. Tommy got Xander onto the bus and sitting in a good seat, getting him some more ice water to sip. He looked up Phunks like he had the Phuks. They were an interesting, happy species. Even if they were naked. Maybe his son could get happy skating with them some day soon.

***

Epilogue:

***

Xander looked up at the aftermath of the battle against the giant alien floating head. "That sucked," he said. The girls all complained but nodded. "Not you ladies, but the battle itself sucked. It blew snot on us." That got some louder grumbling. "Okay, let's...." He looked at himself then at them. "I doubt even an ambulance would take us in this state. Eww." He slung off some of the snot. "Now I'm glad I stuck that sword up his nose." A few of the girls laughed. "Anyone need triage?" No one said anything. "Anyone need anything beyond stitches?" Two girls raised their hands. "Broken, bent?"

"Broken," one said. "Arm, her leg. She slipped during the second sneeze."

Xander sighed but nodded. "Let's see if EMS will take you girls. The rest of us can go to the hotel I guess. I'll do stitches if anyone needs some." They grumbled but nodded. He looked at the staring people. "Guys, did someone call ambulances for us?" he called.

"Right here," someone yelled, pointing behind them.

"Let's slurp our way over there. It's closer to the hotel." He helped up a few girls who were sitting in the snot so they could walk. He found one passed out and she got carried. He came back to make sure all their weapons were gathered, and a few jackets that got tossed off when the girls got too hot. Then he hiked back. "We're going to the hotel," he told the staring officer.

"You're going to the decontamination center the ER treating your girls has put up, sir. That way we can make sure it's not toxic snot that might hurt any of you. We can have the jackets dry cleaned and our weapons people would like to look at your specialty shells anyway." He led him off by the arm. The guy yawned but he'd expect that. "How did you learn to do that?"

"Practice. You just handle it as it comes. I started hunting vampires and it moved on from there." He shrugged. "You just kinda go 'okay' and then figure it out."

"That's a good thing, I guess. Makes sense." Xander smirked a tiny bit.

"Xander, your dad's here, you might wanna run," one of the girls called when they got to the ER.

"He'll make me shop some more if I do," he called back. "Do we have goo remover?"

"Yes," Tommy said, handing over the bottle. "Since you're the only guy here. They have two female officers and Penny with them." Xander grinned. "Don't hug me until you're clean? I don't think my dry cleaner can get that out."

"That's why I wear stuff I can burn if I have to," Xander quipped. "I save the good clothes for other things."

Tommy looked at him then nodded. "We can probably do that."

"I like my outfit and my mother bought it for me," a female yelled.

"We can try some of Joyce's laundry secret stuff," Xander called back. "It'll hopefully work." The girls all cheered. "Put it into a bag so we can bring it back to Cleveland, ladies."

"Yes, Xander," got called by all of them.

Xander stepped under the water and stripped off his clothes, letting them puddle around him to get rinsed off at the very least. Then he started to scrub with the goo remover. The stuff bubbled up but it killed the snot sticking to him. He rinsed out his clothes with it too. They got put into the plastic bag Tommy had and he got handed a robe. "Hmm, not the most manly fashion statement ever." Penny came over to get the goo remover and help the girl rinse out their clothes.

"Injury check," Tommy said. He walked him that way so he couldn't avoid it. "I liked the sword up the nose thing."

"I thought it might help. Definitely made him mad." The girls all laughed at that. They settled in to get checked over, stitches done, and then got taken back to the hotel to put on real clothes. They had warned the locals there was going to be a problem and what they knew of it. The local PD hadn't wanted to believe. They probably did now. So no reports needed. Xander flopped down and went to sleep, waking up to someone climbing in with him. "Which ex are you?" he mumbled.

"None of them," Buckaroo said. "I'm looking at the bleeding spot on your shoulder."

"Oops. Probably broke the stitch where that sword got sneezed onto me."

"Probably, yup." He checked it then bandaged it for him. "You awake?"

"Nope."

"Want breakfast?" Xander hid his head under the pillow. "Sure, we'll get you up in an hour."

"Make it three or an hour and get me an ex?"

"We drove off your ex. Again." He got off the bed and left him alone, shaking his head at Tommy's fond look. "He said to give him three hours or an ex after an hour."

"I don't like most of his ex's. They're not good enough for him. I ordered room service."

"Thanks. The girls?"

"They're good. They're all happy and babbling at Faith in their suite. They gathered for breakfast together to keep the girls away from the press. So far everyone's blurred out any faces in the coverage." Buckaroo nodded. Xander came stumbling out to glare at him. "Coffee?"

"Girls?"

"Their suites. Having breakfast. Want to eat with us and then go back to sleep?"

"Then I'd need an ex and you keep running them all off."

"They're not good enough for you."

"They're nice to me. And sometimes useful to the slayers."

Tommy shrugged. "Find a polite one that'll settle down with you, Xander, not just random lovers. It's worse than when I used to have groupies."

"I think you still have groupies, Dad. One climbed in your window last week."

"Well, yeah," he admitted with a grin. "Mrs. Johnson was not amused when she spotted her either."

Xander went back to bed but the food smells brought him back to the table. He ate and went back to sleep until one of his ex's managed to sneak past his father and the two guards on the hallway.

Tommy, Buckaroo, and Faith all paused when they heard the whoop of pleasure from Xander's room. "Melissa," she said with a wave. "CIA. Wants to help us torture demons sometimes."

"One of these days I'm going to have to help my son settle down," Tommy said.

"You haven't," Buckaroo reminded him.

"I have higher standards, which is what usually drives my girlfriends nuts, and he can learn from your example. He has other things he learned from you."

"I'm kind of proud of the kid," Buckaroo said with a smile. "He's not a bad stepkid."

"Maybe you two should, you know, do the joint adoption thing," Faith quipped, walking off. "Don't tell Melissa you want a shotgun wedding, she'll bring her own gun." The slayers all giggled at that. "Just Melissa so far." They cooed and went to interrupt them once the noise stopped. Melissa hated the girls being girls and pouncing her. So she fled from them. Xander's other ex's could take up the slack.

"Why don't you girls tell us about some of the ex's and how you handle them so we can weed out the ones that won't help Xander help you?" Buckaroo suggested. They led him to their sitting room to tell him about them. He made a nice list and rated them by how dangerous they were, how nice they were to the slayers, and how many warrants they had out for their arrests.

***

Tommy sat down next to his son on the plane back to Cleveland and then New Jersey. "Wow," he said. Xander looked at him. "Your ex's waiting on you."

Xander shrugged. "They didn't get to sneak in."

Tommy hugged his son. "We'll find you someone nicely dangerous who I'll learn to like."

"We mostly like Stacey," Faith said. "But she's a bitch."

Tommy looked at her. "Does she have a tail?"

"She's the alpha huntress for her pack of new amazons," Buckaroo said, handing over the background check the guys had done on his list from the girls. It had sent the whole security team out to the bar.

"Stacey wants to make me the stay-at-home wife because she has to be tougher than her spouse," Xander said. "Otherwise, I like Stacey. Though she does want daughters for the tribe. I thought about going semi-permanent with Josephine but she said she doesn't date that way." That background check was handed over. Xander could hear a tiny little whimpering noise coming from his father. "She was good to me and the girls."

Tommy looked at him. "She would've ended up killing you for her job."

"Maybe. She got caught up in this whole nuclear bomb thing a few years back in Qatar so she's had to sneak out of jail."

"There's always Jolesa," Faith quipped. "Speaking of jaibirds." She rolled her eyes.

Tommy took that report then looked at Faith. "No. Just...no." He put it aside with the others. "Any others that might become permanent fixtures?"

"Most of the others are run throughs or boyfriends that you probably would hate."

"I don't care if you're dating guys, Xander. I just want them to be good to you and the girls."

"I thought he was flirting with the tall, other doctor guy," one of the other girls said.

"That's New Jersey and no, he's not flirting with him," Buckaroo said. "We wouldn't mind but New Jersey has a girlfriend." The slayer sighed. "When Xander was little, he used to climb up him to get piggy back rides or steal the lollipops in the infirmary."

"He was trying to teach me anatomy there for a while," Xander said.

Tommy hugged him. "If you wanted to become a doctor, we'd like that too."

"He's already better at stitching than half the residents I've seen over the years," Buckaroo said dryly. "New Jersey said if he caught you doing stitches when there was a decent ER available he'd be paddling you, Xander. Until you got the MD, he's going to yell about that." Xander huffed but nodded. "So will I." He smiled. "So go for the MD."

"I hate book classes."

"It's ten of them you can't pass the test on and then years and years of hands-on learning," Buckaroo said. "You don't even have to become a neurologist like we are. We won't mind." Xander stared at him. "It's a good career."

"Which would keep him from training the minis," Faith quipped.

"What happens if he runs out of minis?" Buckaroo asked. "Buffy said she didn't think there's any potentials being born right now."

"We have two," Xander said. "The coven looked." He looked at his 'stepmom'. "If I get too injured and can't train or back them up for emergencies, then talk me into medical school."

"I can do that," he promised. "He also said he'd try to talk you up to a few of the new residents, so maybe you could date someone nice."

"Nice people don't like me like that," Xander said.

"I like you," Tommy said with a grin.

"Still not sleeping with you, Dad, no matter how many reporters wonder." Tommy gave his head a nudge. The plane shuddered. Xander looked up. "If you try to do to us like they did on that show _Lost_ remember all I have to do is meditate and I can come up there in a dream walk to kick your asses," he said casually. Suddenly there was no turbulence. Xander grinned. "They like it when I've had caffeine too."

"A wise man once said 'do not screw around with the crazy ones'," Buckaroo quipped.

Xander blew a kiss. "You say some of the sweetest things."

Faith stood up to look at him. "Don't make me knock you out." He patted her on the hand. She looked at Tommy. "Even back in high school, none of the nice ones liked him. Not me, not Cordelia, not any of the ones who liked him were nice." Xander nodded. "Did they hear about the teacher and stuff?"

"Probably," Xander said. Both 'adults' nodded. "See?"

"We'd love for you to have someone decent that the girls could look up to. Instead they've made plans to kidnap your dad for prom." She sat back down.

"I'll gladly give advice but I know nothing about women's fashion," Tommy said. "Even formalwear."

"They're not picky but they have to be able to hide at least a stake," Faith said.

"I've got a knife holster for my thigh," one of the girls in the back quipped. "I'll lend it to one of them for the night."

"I have a bra one they can bum," another of the girls said. "It comes in real handy during club hunts." Both 'adults' looked back at her. "What? Vamps eat there because of all the dumb things you do while drunk." She shrugged but grinned. "Xander, I need a new clip for my bra holster."

"Got one at the house."

"Thanks."

"Welcome." He looked back. "Just need the clip?" She nodded. "Okay. Send it to me and I'll fix it." She tossed it to him from her bag. He looked it over. "You did loosen that a lot. Not that hard to fix." He tucked it into his bag. "I'll send it back within a week."

"Thank you."

"Never a problem," he quipped.

His father looked at him. "You could take classes on leather working."

"I could but I did learn some from some of the native moms." He smiled. "I made Faith one of her favorite things for Yule a few years back."

"I still love that thing," Faith agreed, grinning at her puzzle book. "It makes me look more than smokin' hot."

The girls all got to talking about fashion, pulling Tommy back to help them. They only came to Xander about clubbing clothes. Buckaroo didn't seem to be the fashionable sort so they wouldn't ask him. It was good they had a nice role model.

Even if they did prompt Nessie into going to the compound and getting up on a table during dinner that night to note that Xander needed a boy or girlfriend really badly and at least they were all decent, dangerous sorts so if anyone wanted him, they'd like that. Then she ran off before anyone could catch her.

This is what Xander's family was *really* like and the guys kind of liked him like this.

The End.