The Second Act of CHAOS.





Phil looked at Xander as he walked up to the table in the male revue club at the resort. "Xander, your former lover said Dawn is missing from college." He pointed at which one it was since there were four in the club with them.

"Has her college started?" Xander asked. "I thought that was later this month." He frowned some, pulling out his phone to call her. "Are you okay?" He listened. "Still on vacation. Is there a problem that I need to help the girls with?" He listened, leaning on the back of the bench seat. "Yeah, I can fly out to help with that, Dawn. No, I don't think the coven can snatch me from where I am. Long story, Dawn. Caribbean. Yeah, by tomorrow. Where and who's handling it?" He nodded, making a note on the paper Phil handed him with Clint's pen. "I can be there tomorrow. Thanks, dear." He hung up. He kissed the bad guy. "Thanks. They've been looking for me and can't find me." He looked at Clint. "When I get back?"

"Of course. Want help?"

"You might not be able to help. I'm not sure what this demon is." He let him see the note.

Clint grimaced. "Natasha, go with him to help the slayers?" he asked her.

She nodded, taking the note. "I can do that." She got up. "Let's go pack, Xander." They went to pack then check out.

Xander smiled at the pouting desk girl. "I'll be back in a few days. The slayers need me."

"We need you here, Xander."

He stared at her. "My first allegiance is my duty to the slayers," he said quietly. "We'll be back after the battle."

"Sure." She made that note into her system. "There's a flight going out in two hours."

"Thanks." They went to the gift shop to get something to drink on the flight to New York. It was the only place the plane went. Xander could get a later flight from there.

***

Buffy looked up as Xander walked into their basecamp room. "You brought your girlfriend so she can baby you after the fight?" she guessed, nodding at the woman behind Xander.

Xander grinned. "This is Agent Romanoff with SHIELD, Buffy. Better known as the Black Widow. I'm not her type but she's one of the best hand-to-hand fighters SHIELD has and she offered to help."

Buffy stared at her. "Really?"

"Like the chick on the Avengers?" Faith asked.

"I am," she said with a tiny smirk for the darker haired slayer. She looked at Buffy. "I have been in more battles than you have, Miss Summers. Including the one in New York."

She shrugged. "Sure. I guess it's fine but I can duck your boss if you get hurt."

Xander rolled his eyes. "If Fury gets huffy, I'll deal with him." He looked at the map. "Why are we taking him on in the middle of a highway?"

"It's a residential road," Buffy said.

"The cab drove us up it, it was a four lane highway," Xander said. "Natasha, do you have google maps?"

"I do." She looked up the address to show them. They groaned. "We were planning on leading it there or is it coming there?"

"We think it's coming there."

"Proto-portal or idiot summoning it there?" Xander asked.

"Summoning idiot. We think he's even a police officer."

"Great," Natasha said. "Do we know who? Have we liaisoned with the local department?"

"Most officers hate slayers," Buffy said.

Natasha called a number. "It is Romanoff. I'm helping the slayers with their upcoming battle. They are projecting one for these coordinates." She read them off and listened to them. "They think someone summoning. Possibly a local officer." She nodded once, looking at Buffy. "That would be helpful. Thank you." She hung up. "SHIELD will liaison with the local department and will help block off the highway if it is summoned there so it can be quickly fought and handled." She put her phone back into her carry-on bag. "They will also be listening for a 'we need backup' call in case this isn't enough slayers or to clean it up afterward."

"Wow," Buffy said, staring at her. "We need one of you to help us." She looked at Xander. "Thank you for bringing someone we can respect."

"She was vacationing at the same place the former wife left me and Clint at."

"Wife?" Buffy demanded, staring at him. "Who married you?"

Natasha glared at the mouthy 'friend'. "Many people want Xander as their spouse, Miss Summers. Some of them are not worthy of him but this last one was fairly well off and a bit kinky. She dropped him off at a nude resort."

"Naked?" Buffy squeaked. "That's even worse than dating."

Xander shrugged. "I've had more than naked time with a few people, Buffy. And she wasn't my first spouse." He dropped his bag in the corner. "Natasha, can you pull up better photos so we can do some planning?" She projected them once she had her phone back out. He looked. "There's spaces between the two sides of the road. There's very little shoulder." He traced it with a finger. "If they're summoning would it be over the water since there's a bridge?" he asked, pointing at it. "Or over the ground?"

"We think over the ground," Faith said. "Willow went searching."

Xander stared at her then shook his head with a sigh. "Was she the only one?"

"She's in control," Buffy said firmly. "You know that, Xander. Or you would if you came home."

Xander stared at her. "Cleveland's not home, Buffy. Never has been." She glared. "I don't like it there and my continuing hellmouth taint tends to make me sick from the hellmouth there. They're not the same energy stream." She slumped, shaking her head. "Can we get one of the other witches to go look? That way we get a positive match to someone who might not cloud themselves?"

Dawn smiled and wiggled her fingers at him. "Two witches, presently out there. They'll be here in thirty minutes. I called when you got here." Xander hugged her. "Good, you're still wearing the shielding necklace."

"Yup. Keeps me out of trouble." He grinned back. "One of the guys at the resort thought you were in trouble. Somehow it blocks visions."

"That's sweet," she said. "Is it all nude?"

"You can't go even if it isn't," Buffy said.

"I'm a grown woman, I can go to a topless beach if I want, Buffy," Dawn shot back.

"There's a few clothing optional places," Natasha said. "There's one beach that's no clothing required. The rest, mostly it's bodyguards who are dressed. My skimpiest bikini only got scowls because I wasn't nude."

Dawn shrugged. "I'm not that shy. I might come visit." She leaned on Xander's arm, getting a hug. "Spring break?"

"Not sure," Xander quipped. "Very little drinking. It's a spa sort of resort."

"That's handy. I could use one by then." She looked at the pictures. "Would it matter over the water?"

"Yup. We'd have to have distance weapons unless someone was going to float the slayers to help them fight it."

Natasha looked at him. "I don't think that would be wise."

"Or possible," Buffy said dryly.

"It can be done," Dawn said. "It takes shitloads of magic."

"Boats," Faith said.

"Possible, depending on how high up it is," Xander said. "Is that a major waterway?" Buffy shrugged. Natasha looked then shook her head. "No shipping barges?"

"Very minimal. Maybe local production or coal barges."

"That's good then." He looked back when the witches came in. "Where is it going to be?"

"Why didn't you have a vision?" one asked.

"I got left at a resort in the Caribbean that has natural stuff that blocks them."

"That's nice," one of them said.

"It's a naked place," Buffy told them.

Natasha looked at the witches. "I've seen things about skyclad rituals."

"Some do," she agreed with a smile. "I don't know you. I'm Agnes."

"Agent Romanoff with SHIELD," she said, shaking her hand. "I was at the same resort and offered to help Xander with the battle."

"That's very nice of you, dear." The witches pointed. "It's forming there. There's an officer sitting in his cruiser up the street here," she said. "We're not sure if it's him or not."

Xander nodded. "Okay. How soon?"

"Few hours," the other witch sighed. "Just in time for traffic rush hours."

"I guess he'd get more victims very easily," Xander said. He made marks on the picture. "Ladies, group here." They all nodded. "Two or three in each spot. Have the rest waiting to make sure we don't need backup." He looked at Natasha. "As soon as it appears...."

"I'll have the road shut," she promised before he could say it. She sent that message to the check-in board. They promised to have an agent on site in an hour. "We'll have a watching agent there in an hour." Xander nodded, getting back to assigning spots. They had minivans and could look like they were conferencing over the map so they didn't scare the normals. The backup slayers could be in the park a few blocks before the bridge and come running. Xander and Natasha checked all the weapons, Natasha taking a few to sharpen for the slayers. She looked at Xander once they and Faith were in one of the minivans with two of the other slayers. "Do they not do their own weapons?"

"Sometimes the obvious escapes them," Xander said, driving off after one of the witches driving the other slayers. "A few of them don't do it very well. That's why I always check beforehand. That and higher weapons tends to be damaged by the girls who want to pet them but don't know how. It's always a good idea to check after the slayers."

She nodded once. "That does make sense. I probably would as well. Now and then I check Clint's weapons."

"You know Clint?" the youngest of the slayers asked, leaning forward onto Faith's shoulder. "You work with him? We've seen pictures of him and Dawn said he's a nice guy who likes Xander as a friend."

"He is," Xander agreed. "He's a nice guy and he's a good friend. He showed up a few times to check on me, even after the battle in Sunnydale."

Natasha smiled at the young woman. "Clint and I work on the same response team and we're both Avengers."

"Oh, wow," she moaned. "You're *her*. We saw you go into the battle with very few weapons and still kicked butt. You're like a slayer hero."

Natasha smiled slightly. "You do what you must when the time comes for a battle. Though I'm glad I can inspire slayers to battle harder so they can last through a battle."

The girl grinned. "So is Clint really that hot close up?"

"He is very cute," she agreed. "Especially when he and Xander were dancing together to make the arms dealers at the club calm down."

Xander grinned at her. "He's fun to dance with. Is that our spot or is it the next bridge?"

Natasha checked her map on her phone. "Two more bridges." Xander nodded and kept going. The first minivan pulled over but it was smoking so they had to. Xander found the right spot and pulled off. Two of the five vans pulled up behind him and the girls gathered around Natasha when that one slayer told them she was her. They had a lot of questions for her. Xander and Buffy were scanning and Xander was figuring out footing issues. Buffy nodded at his decision but one of the girls got told to guard the vans. She didn't like it but yay. They were looking at pictures Xander had of the club when the demon showed up. Xander tossed his phone into the van and pulled out his borrowed sword. "Hi, how are you?" he asked with a grin.

The demon stared at him. "Not a slayer," he sneered.

"No, I'm Xander." He waved. "Not a good day for you?" The demon bellowed, pounding his chest with his fists. "Wow, way macho," he said dryly. He clapped slowly, smirking at him. "I give up, dude. You clearly out-macho me. That's why I've got the sword and the way to kill you." He lunged and the demon yelped.

It tried to stomp over to the other road but the slayers were in the way. It pouted. "I need five souls," it whined at the girls. "Please?"

"Nope," Faith said with a smirk. "Not today, Sparky."

"I'm not electrical."

"You're not bright either," she quipped. "Girls, get it. Put it out of our whining misery." The girls lunged. The demon tried to hide behind Xander. Xander looked back at it, then turned to stab it. Faith laughed, shaking her head. "Nice one, X."

"Thanks, my dear slayer friend." He shook his head. "Anyone got the lighter fluid?" It got tossed over and Xander burned the damn thing. Buffy was groaning and shaking her head. Xander looked at the staring officers on the other road. "We just respond when someone summons them," he said with a grin and a wave. "We have nothing to do with this beyond fighting it."

One of the officers stomped over. The slayers all ran for the vans, leaving only Xander, Buffy, and Natasha outside. "What the hell are you people?" he demanded.

Buffy smiled. Giles told her to smile when she had to talk to officials since she was the head girl. "I'm the senior slayer Buffy. We got told someone was going to summon that demon."

The officer scowled at her. "Why didn't you warn us?" he demanded, glaring at Xander.

"I was in the Carribean until someone told us."

"I did tell my superiors to tell yours," Natasha said. "There was a question about who the summoner was, and there was a question if he might not be sitting behind the ad board." She pointed at that cruiser.

"He's napping," that officer said. "Who're you?"

"Agent Romanoff, SHIELD."

"Fuck," he muttered. "Weird stuff on top of the weird stuff. Just great."

Xander snorted. "SHIELD doesn't do all that many weird things. They're like the FBI only they have agents who go out to solve things before the FBI hears. Most of the agents are either goofy geeks or *really* uptight."

"You're SHIELD?" the officer asked.

"No, I'm the slayer's trainer, but I have worked with some agents in the past. And dated three."

The officer shook his head.

"And threatened the director," Natasha reminded him.

"Oh, yeah, and threatened their director for being a douchebag toward the slayers." He smiled. "We were going to disappear before you got here."

"No, we'd like a report. What was it?"

"A big baby," Buffy said. "It tried to hide behind Xander."

Xander looked at her. "And yet, I killed it. Thank you."

"It was behind you. Not that hard," Buffy said.

Xander sighed, looking at Natasha then at the officer. "It's not time for that right now." The officer smirked. "Long standing argument," he mouthed, rubbing his forehead. He frowned, looking around. "I feel magic."

"Could be the slayers showing up with the rest of the coven," Buffy said.

Xander shook his head, still looking around. "No, it's not." He spotted the proto-portal and lunged at the cop, knocking him out of the way, pulling his own gun to shoot at the portal. "Natasha, it needs to shut! That's huge magic!"

She was calling in support but agents were a few miles off blocking the roads. A huge head was coming out. "Xander, special rules?"

"I have no clue," Buffy said. "It's wiggy but no clue."

Faith looked. "Not silver. Not lead. Beheader?"

Xander shook his head. "No. It's not. It's magically protected and then it's a beheader."

Buffy looked up. "WILLOW!" she bellowed. "MAGICAL DEMONS!"

Natasha rubbed her ear. "Agents have an ETA of 10 minutes."

Xander nodded, getting up. "Officer, get out of the way." He nodded, scurrying back to the other officers. "Ladies?" he called. They came out, staring at the large demon and the larger one that was trying to squeeze through the portal. "It's magically protected."

"We can see the shimmer and it's wearing a pretty pendant," one of them said.

Xander nodded. "Natasha, can you break that through the shield?"

She shot at the pendant. "Not until the magic goes down."

"Okay," Xander said. "Ladies, close the portal." He looked at Buffy and Faith. "Distract it until we can get the magic down." They nodded. Xander looked at Natasha. "The portal is probably going to take something bigger and stronger to knock it down. Let the younger slayers beat that demon back," he said quietly.

"They're bringing weapons."

"Bring high yield, non electrical based ones," he said. She nodded, calling that in. Xander looked at the demon. "Okay, this fucker goes down. Just like the others." He moved in carefully. "I want my axe."

"It's at the resort," Natasha said, coming over to help him. The demon leered at her. She sneered. "You're not worthy, don't even try."

The demon sniffed her. "Not a slayer."

"Not everyone is," Xander said, taking a swing at him. The demon moved but the sword hit the shield around the demon. It sparked. Xander looked at his sword. "Anyone got a sharpie?" The slayers all glared at him. "Shaman protection marks. Might help."

"Since when do you know those?" Buffy demanded.

He looked at her. "When one found me leaking hellmouth taint like I was a beacon." She shuddered. "I learned a lot from the shaman I met." He caught a sharpie thrown by one of the officers. Xander drew on the blade then blotted it with his shirt. His shirt glowed. Xander adjusted the drawing and swung at the demon again. It screamed as the protection wobbled. Xander focused on it, seeing a wobbling line. He aimed at it. "Natasha, there's a wobble," he said. "Just below his armpit."

She looked and fired her taser into it. Xander hit it with his sword. The demon shrieked. The protection wobbled and blinked. Xander hit the demon in the open spot, hitting the shield as it came back. Natasha shot at the pendant until one hit it. It broke and the demon screamed. Xander moved up to behead it with Buffy helping. Faith was helping the girls get the one trying to come out. The demon batted at them. Xander ducked backward then lunged in again. He was muttering. The demon jumped, staring at him. Xander stared at him. "Yeah, not happy."

"Xander, is that magic?" Natasha hissed as she walked past him.

"Maybe. Not sure." They kept going against the demon, driving it back toward the portal. Agents in SUV's showed up. "Get the portal!" he shouted. "We can kill this one." The agents got the slayers out of the way and fired on it. It finally blew up. Xander and Natasha backed the demon toward Buffy. Who was back to helping behead it. Faith took an open spot to help.

"I guess Willow was helping long distance today," Buffy complained. "She could just fry the demon."

"Doesn't die with fire," Xander said. "Pity." He kicked it toward Faith and switched swords with Buffy. "Longer, thanks." He took a swing, still muttering. The demon screamed again and Xander stabbed it in the chest while Faith beheaded it.

Natasha moved Xander closer to look at him. His eye was glowing. "Calm it down," she said quietly.

Xander swallowed and calmed himself down. He pulled up his blocking crystal to kiss it. Buffy was giving him a funny look. "What?" he demanded.

"What was that?"

"The thing blocking out hellmouth energy that Giles gave me."

"Oh. Is that what you did, you broke it and used it against the demon?"

"No. I used something a shaman taught me." Willow appeared. "Bit late," he said.

She looked at the demon then at Buffy. "Good job! You did great killing it with Xander distracting it for you!" They hugged.

Natasha frowned at her. "Faith beheaded it when Xander stabbed it in the heart." She looked at Xander.

He waved a hand. "Long issue. No comment." He looked at the officers, walking over to hand back the marker. He grinned. "Thanks, guys. Let us clean it up."

"Burn them," Natasha said. "Ladies, nice work. Have a good recovery and rest period."

"Spoil yourself," Xander ordered with a smile. "You all deserve it. Make Buffy and Willow buy you guys spa stuff or candy." They hugged him and ran to the minivans to head back. One tossed Xander his phone. Natasha's was more politely handed to her.

Natasha looked at the two senior slayers. "We need to go back to the resort. There's been unexplained deaths of some of the people he's dated."

"Bad girls?" Willow snorted. "Who cares?"

Xander stared at her. "Really? So the physician that died...." She glared. "Shut up." He walked off. "Can you guys give us a lift to the airport in New York?" he asked Natasha.

"Probably. Boys, we need to get back to where Barton, Ward, and May are," she said. "The plane leaves from an airport in New York."

The agent in charge nodded. "We can give you a lift to New York, Agent Romanoff. And your...friend?"

Xander smirked. "She's not mean enough to be mine."

She hit him on the arm. "I am. I simply hide it better." They walked off. She got their bags from the back of the minivan and walked off with him.

"Hey," Buffy complained. "He's our Xander, not yours."

"He's helping with an investigation, ladies."

"But...he's *Xander*," Willow complained.

Xander looked at her. "Yes, I am. I'm the same Xander that took down a mage a few months ago, before getting that broken leg. I'm the same Xander that took down a rebel camp because I found their armory when they ordered me handed over or they'd destroy a village. I'm the same Xander that's been in every major battle with the slayers but *one*, and that was your fault." He shrugged. "I'm going where I'm wanted and needed." He walked off with her. "I'll be back training in a few months. Once we figure out why some of my ex's are being killed by healers." He waved in the air. "Have a great week, ladies."

"But...but.... Xander!" Willow shouted and grabbed him with magic but something stopped her. "What is that?" she demanded.

Xander looked at her. "Hellmouth taint? I'm wearing protections against it getting out." He shrugged. "It happens. Giles gave it to me." She glared. He stared back. She lashed out at him but he shook his head when it didn't hit them. "No, not again. If you go that bad again, I've heard there's true mages, not vowed mages but true mages, who are going to take you out and probably do some damage to the surrounding area. Ladies, go. They can take you out by accident." The slayers fled. They left Buffy and Willow there. Xander stared at them. "For that matter, if you get back to that point you were at on the cliff, I've taken a blood vow to stop you again."

Natasha put a hand on his arm. "Let me talk to them as women."

"I can't keep the magic from getting you, Natasha."

She smiled. "I have Clint's protection tattooed on me. It's just tiny." She walked over to talk to Buffy, which pissed Willow off.

"I don't know who you think you are," Willow sneered.

"I'm the Black Widow." She stared at her.

"You're with SHIELD," Willow said.

"I am. I'm working with Xander on the death of a few of his ex's and others that were at the same place. I find it odd how you put down your friend, who has fought behind you for years. Even though he did not have to show up for this fight." She stared at Buffy, who grimaced. Then at Willow. Who was still sneering. "If you were actually Xander's friend, you would treat him better instead of as an abusive spouse. His last two have been better for him."

Willow shrieked and tried to attack her. Natasha shoved her off and away from her. "You're lying!" she shouted. "He has not been married!"

"I've been married three times," Xander said with a shrug. And suddenly Willow was floating back. He looked around, staring at the witches, who were shaking their heads and backing away slowly. "Is it me?" he asked them. They nodded. "Great. I heard I had shaman skills and pent up energy thanks to the hellmouth." He looked at her again. "Shut up, Willow. You haven't even spoken to me in three months. You know *nothing* about my life. You haven't since we graduated." He shrugged. "Sorry but you don't."

"Put her down, Xander!" Buffy warned.

"I have no idea how I'm doing that," he admitted. "Though the crystal that's holding the hellmouth taint back is cracked." He calmed himself down and Willow landed. "I need to get somewhere safer," he said. "Before something bad happens." He took off the crystal, tossing it at the witches. "Giles gave me that to shield the hellmouth energy from being a beacon. I've had problems with that in the past."

"You have more than that," one of them said, staring at him.

"I have shaman skills." He grinned. "Though Giles was not amused that I was born the floor above the hellmouth's opening." He held a hand up and it froze Willow where she was stomping toward him. He took a deep breath. "I need somewhere I can meditate," he said, looking at Natasha then at the agent. "Please?"

"We can take you to the quin jet, sir. Agent Romanoff?"

"Coming," she said, walking over. "Calm down, Xander. Just...meditate. Breathe."

"I'm trying. This is so a trigger," he said. "They're... A lot like this." He let her walk him off. "Tell Giles to send me the new crystal at the resort?" he called back to the witches. "Please?"

"We can do that," one of them said, waving and trying to smile instead of glowering. She stopped the slayer. "He is a mage," she said quietly. "He is breaking out of his powers now." Buffy shuddered. "I need you to call Mr. Giles and corral your witch. Before she sets him off enough that she gets destroyed. If he doesn't calm it down, he can destroy her and the state."

"Got it. Xander's an apocalypse."

"No. Miss Rosenburg's blindness is an apocalypse in the making. She's trying to set him off on purpose so she can suck at his powers. Which will destroy her." Buffy winced. "Sedate her, Slayer. She is going to cause an all out war and he can call upon more powers than she can, especially with self-proclaimed shaman powers. He can easily call up an army of the dead."

"Yeah, we can knock Willow out. Willow, stop it before you make Xander use actual magic and he blows us all up!" She walked over to calm her down. Or knock her into the water if she had to. Knocking her into a river could probably help. Or piss her off more but in a different way.

***

Xander walked off the plane at the resort still rubbing his head. He walked toward the ocean, wading out. He checked. This part of the beach was clear. He concentrated on the feeling of the water around him. His magic was still too high. He concentrated and let out a flare of it. He couldn't control it.

"Xander, just shoot it out over the water," Clint yelled. "Just let it go! We can get you back to bed later." Xander looked back at him, mouthing 'get out of the way'. Clint backed up and had the beach cleared. Xander let it into the air. It came out as pure, blue fire. It didn't warm the water, didn't hurt any creatures in the water, but there were a few bugs in the air that got killed suddenly. Xander panted, trying to calm it back down. No, still going. He let it back out. Black fire. Black fire was bad. He went back to his shaman meditations and he had to wade deeper to make himself concentrate. He could handle this. The next explosion was blue fire again. It slowly faded back to white fire and then he passed out.

Clint jogged out to catch Xander and tow him in, checking his pulse and his breathing. The spa's head healer was waiting. "He had to vent."

"We felt and saw." She took him to look over. "Those possessions are really weird. But helpful. It kept his powers hidden until he got off the unholy place."

"He wears a blocking crystal," Clint said.

She smiled. "We know. We like it. It's very nice. It's also missing." She got back to checking him over then nodded. "Put him into his bed."

"You sure?"

"He's exhausted."

"He's glowing," Clint said with a point at his hand.

She worked some of the pressure points in his arm, making his hand relax. The glow stopped. "We'll be up to massage him as soon as he wakes up. It'll help the headache too."

"Like hangover?"

"Yes." He nodded and carried Xander off. One of the resort's guards helped. The healer went back to her people to tell them Xander had finally broken out, and that he had produced two long bouts of black fire. She turned and found Natasha there. "Yes, ma'am?" she asked with a smile.

"What is the meaning of the various fires and what just happened?"

"He broke out."

"His powers were around before."

"Not ... there was a wall. A self-imposed wall," she said. "He may put it back up. He may not. We do not know the cause." Natasha nodded once. "Whatever upset him that much made the wall crack. The various fires were heavy magic coming out. Black fire is highly dangerous. It's like anti-plasma. The white was plasma-fire. It could conceivably destroy a lot of things. Black fire is like the evil plasma in some ways. It'll burn everything and anything but it will destroy it at the tiniest levels. Plasma... Do you know anything about it?"

"I know a bit. I know how it burns."

"Well, black fire like that is stronger, more dangerous. Most mages cannot create a lot of black fire. Maybe a tiny flame when they are very angry."

"Xander has been angry for a few hours thanks to Rosenburg. She tried to attack him."

One of the lesser healers snorted. "It's a gift that he didn't destroy her to the cellular level."

"White fire would have turned her into ashes," the head healer said. "Black fire would have burned even the most microscopic bits. There would be no evidence she existed."

Natasha nodded at that. "How do we help him calm down? Clint is sitting with him now."

"He vented," the head healer said.

"Often, a friend is the best thing when you're in a rage," the lower healer said with a smile. "Which seemed to be his problem today."

Natasha nodded. "I'll tell Clint that. Will his usual meditations for his shaman gifts help that?"

"Probably."

"Okay," Natasha said. "I will talk to Clint." She walked off then came back. "The deaths?"

"They were already dying so we used their deaths to up the protections," the head healer said. "Most of them were aware and consented. The two that didn't were nearly dead when they came to us. They had almost no life left in them. They had seconds left."

Natasha nodded. "There is a worry about those continuing?"

"No, they will not. With the new master taking charge, it won't be needed for years." She smiled. "We'll do what we can to help the new master, Lady Natasha. That's why we're here." Natasha nodded and left. She looked at her staff. "There's three more days. He broke out early."

"There was a battle," one of the quiet ones said. "He went to help the slayers with her."

"Someone be waiting to do a massage once he wakes. Make sure he gets a good, supportive dinner. We will not tell anyone." They nodded and left her to make her notes on what had happened.

***

Natasha walked into Xander and Clint's suite, handing Clint some water. "He lost his temper."

"I saw that."

"Willow was there."

"That explains a lot." He opened his water and took a drink then put it down. "He okay?"

"They said to help him keep his temper. That his meditations should help." Clint nodded, looking at Xander. "They also said that black fire is exceptional."

"He's been storing the anger at Willow for ages," he said quietly. "She's been nagging him for a long time."

"She attacked him for noting he had been married. Not saying more than they had happened but she attacked him."

Clint grimaced. "Some day she'll grow up."

"There is hope." She sat down. "We can help."

"We can," he agreed. Xander moaned and flipped onto his stomach. Clint ruffled Xander's hair, making him blink at him. "Sleep. You're exhausted. We're here to guard you from Rosenburg."

"She's not liking having her rose colored glasses broken," Xander said. Clint gave him the water. Xander blinked at his hands then at him. "Did I just blow up the air?"

"Yup," Clint said with a grin. "But you're okay."

"The healers said they would come do a full body massage," Natasha said. "To help you finish relaxing. Then you could do your usual meditations." She leaned forward. "While it was scary, it happens when your new powers come out."

He finished the water and tossed the bottle at the trashcan. "Thank you." She nodded. "I'm sorry you had to see them doing that."

She patted him on the arm to make him look at her since he was trying to hide. "It is not your fault that they are acting like mean man-slave owners." He cracked a smile. "You are not a slave. You are your own man and that is admirable." She stood up. "You rest. You must be tired. Would you like me to tell them you're ready for a massage?"

"No, I'm not really ready for people."

"All right." She looked at Clint. "We won't expect you for dinner." She left to talk to the other agents. She took all their devices to stare at them. "We are not reporting that he broke out in his mage powers thanks to Rosenburg being a jealous slave owner," she noted. She looked at Coulson, who was staring back. "I think he'll probably try to suppress it some more."

"We should still pay attention to that."

"With the way he and Fury feel about each other, it would get him picked up for examination and detainment," she said bluntly.

Coulson nodded. "Good point. He is usually in good control."

"Rosenburg tried to attack him." She put up footage from her phone. She had taped the battle from the front of the van. Her phone had nicely been safely propped up so it had caught most of the battles.

Ward watched, mouth slightly open. "Crap. Why does he consider them friends?"

"He grew up with them," May said. "They're battlefield companions."

"He grew up with Rosenburg," Coulson corrected. "They met the first day of school and protected each other with a boy who later got turned." He looked at his favorite agent. "Fine."

"I sent film of the explosion," May admitted. Natasha got into the SHIELD database to erase it. "They didn't get to it yet?"

"Hill did."

"Hill hates Rosenburg," Coulson said.

"I've replaced the film of him breaking out with the film of the battle," Natasha said. They nodded. "That way there's no question and if they should try I'm fairly certain Xander could turn the director into a nice pet for the slayers."

Coulson smirked at her. "You need a rest."

"I know. It was a long flight. The other slayers were nice though." She handed back the devices and left to do that.

Coulson looked at his new agents. "We'll make sure he's on a good footing later."

"What's a mage as opposed to someone like Rosenburg?" Ward asked.

"Rosenburg is a sorcerer. She can use things she learned when she was a witch and now higher things she's studied in a half-assed way. The better comparison would be Ethan Rayne." He pulled up that file so they could see it. "He is Janus' high priest."

Ward read it, handing it to Melinda. "Where is what he did on that guy's scale?"

"Apparently those who devote themselves to a certain path are not as strong as those who can devote themselves to anything they choose. Xander is drawn to chaos magic and it seems to be drawn to him thanks to the hellmouth." Both junior agents nodded. "Looking up 'black fire' in our databases leads back to one incident in Prague. That one was a tiny plume, about a ball in the palm of the witch's hand. She burned down half a block." Ward shuddered. "She was freeing it of some Nazis coming for her daughter."

"So that was really dangerous," Melinda said.

"If it's not harnessed. Xander did the right thing. Water is an insulator. He got away from people. He was basically venting without intent. If he had wanted to destroy things, he could have," Coulson assured them. "I've seen him destroy things without magic and weapons. Xander was taken by some rebels in Africa." Ward winced. "You were the junior agent who went with him."

"I did not interact with him and I looked like a young punk. I doubt he realized it was me and I didn't realize it was the same person until late that first night," Ward said. "He did a great job killing them all with their own armory."

Coulson nodded. "I saw that report. Yes he did." May grimaced. "The rebels told the slayer's village he was training in that they had to hand over the outsider or they'd kill them all. Xander didn't blame them for it, he went to spare them. He called in a 'please be a pallbearer' call that made Barton put the first dent on the heli carrier with his phone."

Ward shook his head with a slight moan. "He walked back to his slayer's village, fixed his injuries, and went back to training her," Ward told May. "Barton acted like it was normal."

"It is," Coulson agreed. "When the director first heard about him and Sunnydale, he ordered someone to interrogate Harris. He was on his post-grad roadtrip. He overdosed him on truth serum. Barton ended up taking him to the hospital and the kid thanked him but acted like nothing had happened. Xander seems to have never had anyone really take care of him. Outside of maybe that friend he lost. We're not sure. We knew nothing about Sunnydale until Barton rescued Xander when his car blew up. Then we saw cover stories that were questionable so looked."

Ward shook his head. "I know guys like him. They're burned out."

"Which Harris could be," Phil agreed. "He's having a long vacation now."

"This is a great place to do it," May agreed. "It's pretty, calm, safe. I'm coming back here for my next vacation."

Coulson nodded. "Me as well."

Ward shrugged. "I don't take as many vacations as I should." He looked at Coulson. "I heard from Skye."

"How is she liking this downtime?"

"She's not and she's really worried we've been compromised or taken hostage, her words."

"Did you assure her we were helping two agents?"

"I did and one Council person. She shuddered and said that even the Rising Tide didn't want to bother the Council." They shared a look. "We could invite her down."

"I doubt she'd want the nude beach time," May quipped.

"No, probably not," Coulson agreed, standing up. "Let's have dinner. I doubt Clint's going to join us."

"Does Xander hover over him?"

"Clint doesn't allow anyone to hover over him. He has helped him in the past. He has bandaged a few injuries, saved him a few times that Barton didn't put in a report. They're good friends." They walked out. "Dinner at the beachfront or at the strip club?"

"Beachfront," Ward said. "I don't want to see a strip show tonight, sir," he said.

"We can do that." They went to find a table and order a light dinner. He also thoughtfully sent a light dinner up to Barton.

***

Clint got up to answer the door, taking the tray. "Thank Coulson for me," he said with a smile for the waiter. "This is great, thank you." He tipped the waiter and put the food down. Xander had fruit salad and fruit soup. That should help him. Clint had a bacon cheeseburger with still warm fries and a milkshake. He settled in to eat and watch Xander nap. Xander blinked at him. "Coulson sent you fruit salad and fruit soup."

"I should starve to death. It'd mean that Willow wouldn't come looking for me."

Clint leaned over to swat him. "If you try that, I'm dropping a feeding tube, hiring you two mean nurses, and letting them talk you out of it in whatever way they want." He ate another bite. "Yours is on the table." Xander trudged out then came back sipping his fruit soup. "Thank you."

"Thank him for me please."

"You two can talk later." Xander stared at him. "Willow can't get here."

"It's my duty to help the slayers."

Clint leaned closer to him. "She'll get over her ownership fantasies. You're not her puppy, Xander. You're not naughty, you're not bad, and you're not mean. You're not rabid. You just snapped. I would've done it years ago, back in high school. Okay?" Xander nodded, staring at him. "Yeah, you feel bad now. She brought it on herself. You can't be everyone's monitor. Especially not hers because she doesn't see you as an equal being. She treats you like you're her puppy."

"I used to protect her."

"Not the same. It's really not. Friends should be there for you. No matter what. You and I are friends, right?" Xander nodded, staring at him. "Would you expect me to do that to you?"

"No, but you're a guy."

"Having a friend who's female isn't any different. I'd never expect Natasha to do me that way. If she did, I'd be looking for signs of possession. Or I'd dump her if they weren't there. You have friends. You have a whole resort of friends. Half of them are probably worried about you."

"They shouldn't know."

Clint shrugged. "Not like they don't know you deal with the magic stuff sometimes." He grinned. "Finish up and we'll go walk on the beach?"

"Did I hurt anyone?"

"No. Just fried some bugs in the air." Xander nodded, going to get his fruit salad to eat with his fingers. Clint finished up his meal, watching Xander. "C'mon. They even promised you a massage."

"I don't think I want someone to touch me. I'm ...it's like a tingle but it's not an asleep tingle and my skin feels weird. I feel weird in my skin."

Clint nodded. "I had that a few times but masturbation helped." Xander shook his head. "You don't?" he teased with a grin.

"Of course I do but I still have a lot of stamina thanks to Anya. Usually by the time I'm halfway there my arm's sore." He went to clean himself up and they walked out on the beach together. No one did more than look at him sideways but it made him feel horrible. His ex's were scared of him. It sucked huge. Clint nodded at one that was staring at them, letting him come over. Xander smiled weakly, letting the guy hug him. "Thank you," he said quietly.

"We're not going to interrupt you moping about Rosenburg, Xander. We'll all cuddle you tomorrow." He stroked his cheek and took a kiss. "Be a good boy tonight. Rest."

"I had a nap."

"You could use another one." He kissed him again. "Finish your walk and go rest." Xander nodded, going on with Clint guarding him. That guy went to talk to the others. "He looked scared when I walked up to them."

One of the senior arms dealers looked at him. "We're not scared of Xander. We're wary of Rosenburg finding him and destroying us all for him daring to do something she didn't like."

Clint looked at them as they walked toward them. "Rosenburg can't get here. The protections keep her out, guys."

"As far as I know," Xander quipped. He still sounded tired and weak. "If she does, I'll sedative dart her as soon as I see her. Just be naked, she'll run away." They smiled. "Later, guys."

"He's still tired," Clint said. He took Xander back to their room, letting him curl up in his bed again. Clint used his smartphone to look up anything he could on mages. Xander was exhausted but he wasn't sure if it was the magic he had vented or the fight with Willow causing it.

***

Up north, Willow was still throwing a fit only now the whole coven was there to calm her down and they had gotten Giles into it as well, but had sent Dawn back to her college so she was out of harm's way. "We have to go save him, Giles! He had to be possessed!" Willow ranted. "He gave me wiggins and he was giving me dirty looks and he wasn't our Xander! He *HAS* to be possessed!"

Giles took off his glasses to stare at her. "No, he was not."

"He said he'd shot rebels," she said, starting to sneer. "That's not our Xander."

"Yes, he did. I got a report on that from Clint, who had went to check on him." He pulled up the boy's reports, letting her see them. She huffed when he offered them. "Xander has handled a great many things on his own. He's had to since we shoved him away." Willow glared at him. "It was not my idea. That was between you two and I went along at first because I thought it'd make him safer. Then Ethan noticed that he had a bit of chaos magic around him." He looked at the witches. "Did he vow to anyone?"

"No," the head of the coven said. "We scried him when he finally got back there. Gave us a great headache. Whichever mage set that resort up did a fantastic job."

"Which one?" Giles asked.

"Not sure," she said. She looked at Willow. "You're spoiled."

"He's not our Xander!" she said more firmly. "Maybe he's an alternate reality Xander."

"He's not," Faith said from where she was forced to wait in case Willow started to lose her shit again. "That was the same X he's always been. He had magic floating around him way back in high school. It always gave me tingly feelings when he was around."

"He was born on the floor above the hole," another of the witches said. "I asked someone who'd know. Ethan was most unamused. He thinks the boy will have problems because he has no way of wearing those things out now that Willow's no longer sucking magic from him. By the way, dear, that's why you thought your spells went wrong." Willow glared at her. "I will paddle you," she assured the younger witch.

The head of the coven coughed. "Also interesting, the boy said he made a blood vow to stop her if she ever got back to the point of killing humanity." Willow glared at her too. "You nearly did."

"Whatever. Not the point!" She stomped a foot. "We have to get him back here, Giles. We have to cure Xander."

"There's no cure for having skills."

"Our Xander has never had skills. You searched and didn't find any."

"I did not do a search of his aura, Willow. I never have. I did one to check for possessions but it's not the same. Though I do know that Xander was leaking extreme amounts of chaos magic in Africa. That's why I gave him the shielding crystal. He had been learning from the native shaman he ran into. We had a talk then about what he had been learning, that's why I gave him the shielding crystal. Xander had run into a mage and had talked to him. Ethan also said that the boy had mage potential but he didn't think it'd ever come out thanks to the hellmouth. I talked to the mage he ran into and he told me Xander did have mage potential but it was highly clouded by the hellmouth."

"He should've left when Buffy made him quit patrolling," Willow said.

"With the way he was irradiated with hellmouth energy, it wouldn't have mattered," the head witch said. "He was born a mere twenty feet above the hole! Of course it adored him! Frankly, most of the incident felt like the old hellmouth to us."

"He said Cleveland wasn't home because his hellmouth taint made him sick whenever he was around ours," Buffy said more quietly.

Giles nodded. "He told me the same thing the last time he came in for a meeting." He looked at his problem child and her red, pouty face. "It is not his fault where he was born."

"Yes it is!" Willow complained.

"The last I knew, no one *chose* their conception point or their birth site," Giles said dryly, staring at her. "You're acting childish, Willow."

"He had some other woman with him," she said. "He's dating again, Giles. There's bad guys and he cares if the bad guys die."

"Yes, well, we all cared when Spike died," Giles said. Willow blinked, opening her mouth. "He was a master vampire. He had killed more than his fair share of humans over his years. He tormented everyone around him when he could, chipped or not. You're the one who added him to the remembrance ceremony. Therefore you grieved for someone evil as well."

Buffy was wincing. "I dated him."

"We're not going over your dating tragedies," the younger witch said with a smile for her. "Go lay down, Slayer. You obviously have a headache."

"I'm Willow's friend and Xander's friend so I'm staying to help." She looked at Willow. "Why don't we visit where he is? It's a spa. He said it was a spa."

"We have no problems with going to celebrate Lammas down there," the head witch said. "It's a beautiful place and they already expect us to be skyclad so there won't be any problems with it."

Willow went bright red. "It's a *naked* resort?" she demanded.

"Yeah, Xander said it was," Faith agreed. "Agent Romanoff said he was down there helping find out why some of his ex's had been killed but his last wife had dropped him off there."

Giles looked at her. "I had not heard of that marriage."

"He said he's had three," Willow complained.

"Yes. One arms dealer that married him but the ceremony was interrupted by a demonic invasion. One that married him while he was ill so he'd be protected from others, but had it annulled once he was aware enough to protect himself. I hadn't heard of the third one," Giles admitted, looking at Buffy, who shrugged. "Hmm. I should ask Clint."

The most junior witch of the group giggled. "If he's at the resort and got dropped there by his wife, it was probably one of the former mage's harem." The head witch looked at her. "You know a lot of them have one. We've heard rumors that the resort was in the hands of a mage and his harem."

Giles nodded. "I fear Xander might need one as well. He is very full of energy at times." He looked at Willow, who was still huffy. "We can go visiting if you wish."

"I'm not going somewhere naked," she said, stamping her foot again. "I'm not! It's rude to be naked in public and *wrong*."

"Half the world's beaches are topless," Giles said dryly. "Most of the world doesn't care about nudity on beaches. Xander probably saw some tribal groups in Africa that were naked most of the time. That is up to the cultural values one has." He stared at her. "Frankly, many people find the sun more relaxing when they are naked."

She shook her head. "It's still wrong. We're from the US and here it's wrong."

"Only in Sunnydale, dear. LA has three different clothing optional communes," Giles shot back. "They're very soothing places to meditate." She went bright red again. "Just because you don't approve doesn't make it wrong."

She stomped off outside. She tried to summon Xander but started off an extreme headache instead. She pouted, trying to scry him. No luck, it was blocked. Her headache was getting worse.

"That's the protections around him and it can kill you," the head of the coven said from the doorway. She was sipping her new mug of tea. "They're set up to kill whoever tries to cross them."

Willow stared at her. "There has to be a way to help Xander."

"I doubt he wants help." She smirked. "He seemed readily amenable to helping that nice agent he had with him. I don't know of many who could go into a battle with two guns and a fancy wrist taser against aliens and win."

Willow slumped, trying to scry again. Bigger headache, no image in the fountain she was using. The coven came out to show her what they had seen. Xander was curled up in his bed with Clint watching over him. "He had a big day," the second of the coven said. "Probably exhausted himself with that breakout."

Giles came out to look over their shoulders. He wrote out a note and sent it via spell through the scrying. He saw Clint catch it and pulled out his phone to call him as requested. Giles walked off. "How is he? Yes, the coven is scrying since Willow could not." He listened. "That's nearly ... Yes, that's a reasonable thing. Thank you for watching over him, Clint. I know you two are friends." Clint said something and Xander said something after that. They talked and Giles listened. "That's an excellent thing. Which mage made the resort?" He nodded. "I've barely heard of him but he was an unbound mage from what I've heard. Oh, his harem...amazons. That makes a lot of sense, yes." He smiled slightly. "I can send him a few books he may need. Yes, Xander, if some of the older girls needed a vacation, I would allow them to come down. There's not much training for you to do these days and the girls don't need as much help during battles due to all the dratted press attention we've gotten for the last few battles. That's an excellent idea and I'd never let the prudish ones show up." He smiled. "That's good."

"Let me talk to him," Willow demanded.

"I'm talking to Clint, Willow, not Xander. Xander is resting."

"I saw him wake up." She snatched the phone. "Xander, come home. We need to fix you.... What do you mean Cleveland's not home? I'm there, everyone else is there.... So?" she demanded. "It's still home! Come home and stop this stupid stuff!" Clint said 'bye, he doesn't need this' and hung up on her. "I'm going to beat him!" she complained, tossing the phone back to Giles. "He's so dead."

"He is not. He's a federal agent, Willow, and that can get you killed. By Xander as well since he's his friend." Willow glared at him. "He will and you know he will." She stomped off again. "Oh, dear."

The head of the coven smiled. "Tranq darts, Rupert. Tranq darts. Before she gets up another good head of steam." He went to find some and use them on his unstable witch. The coven shared looks and brought Willow home with them again. She clearly needed another calming down time.

***

The remaining members of the resort's coven all got together to talk. They were healers and worked in the spa. They had all met Xander and Clint. They had approved of him. Now they needed a vote. One shook her head. "It's too soon. He just broke out and we have two days."

"If we do it now, we won't have any interference."

"His own skills are wobbly and Robert always said it was a bad idea to do anything major if you've been sick," that one pressed. "We can wait two days for the holiday."

The others considered that then nodded. "We can help him settle into them," one of the others said. "He needs to come see us anyway." They decided it was a plan by head-nod vote. One set up his appointment with them and sent the details up to his room for breakfast. He'd like the spoiling time. He was still upset by all this and his 'friends'. They could show him they liked him more than the spoiled one ever could.

***

Xander smiled at the note from the spa. "Someone gave me a full day of being spoiled." He looked at Clint. "That means you can go do agent stuff."

"I can," he agreed. "Not that I'm not doing agent stuff. I'm protecting you from Rosenburg." Xander rolled his eyes but got up to get partially dressed. He never wore more than a swimsuit around the resort, and often just a sarong. Today he'd wear board shorts. Clint walked him over to the spa to drop him off then went to find his coworkers. "Any new news?" They were having breakfast outside at a table near the pool.

"The director's less pleased at Rosenburg than us," Coulson said.

"Hill kindly suggested some day he could use a vacation here," Ward said.

Coulson looked at him. "I doubt he'd vacation at a nude resort. I'm not sure he ever gets out of his trench coat." Then he smirked.

"I should send him pictures," Clint said with a grin.

"I can see why you never have to do your own taunting," May said with a stare at Barton. "The director would skin us alive if we tried that."

"He expects things like that from me." He walked off grinning, going to take film of the beautiful beaches and all that for his director. He smiled at the staring people. "My director could use a vacation." A few of them laughed. One moaned and shook his head. "This way he knows it's beautiful, relaxing, and he can take off the trench coat." He went back to his filming. He got done and sent it up there. Hill complained it had no scouting potential and the director was not pleased he had taken that much film for no reason. Also that he said he did get out of his trench coat and when Barton got back, he could see that while sparring with the director. Clint showed Coulson that email but was smirking heavily when he ran into Natasha.

"You do love to irritate him," she said blandly, patting him on the arm. "Where's Xander?"

"Spa. He's got a whole day of being babied and scrubbed."

"That can be very relaxing," she said. She settled into her chair. "What should we be doing today?"

"Making sure that the business parts of the resort are handled efficiently and anything like taxes are being paid," Coulson said. "He has a meeting with the resort's lawyer and accountant later for that." Clint looked at him. "You do."

"Sure, you can help me with that, sir." He followed him to the office to go over how things were run. They'd tell Xander when he was done at the spa. Xander could handle some complex things, he had run slayer houses and had to deal with budgets and the like, so he'd be able to handle the running of the resort.

***

Agent May woke up and looked around the room she was in. It wasn't her room at the resort. She blinked, looking off to the side. There was someone snoring. She recognized the guy there, giving him a shove. Ward blinked at her then passed back out. "This is not good," she said, getting up and grabbing one of the bathrobes that were nicely folded on top of the chest at the foot of the bed. She looked at the pile on the bed. There was Ward, there was Barton, there was Xander. All passed out. Xander was the one snoring. She cleared her throat. No response. She went to check herself over in the bathroom. She had obviously had sex. This was probably not a good sign.

She called Coulson's room from the sitting area, realizing she had to be in Barton's shared suite since it was so large and had the nice balcony view. "It's May. We have an issue." She listened to him ask if it was related to them all disappearing in a puff of violet-colored smoke. "Probably since the three men I'm with won't wake. Xander, Barton, and Ward," she said when he asked. "Please. Apparently whatever happened included consummation events. Thank you." She hung up and looked around the room. There was a tray with a large bottle of juice on ice and some fresh fruit. She got a drink of the juice after sniffing it for additives that could hurt her. When Coulson tapped quietly she let him in. "I have no idea."

"Of course you don't. I have Agent Romanoff asking to see if she can figure out what happened." He looked at her. "Are you all right?" he asked.

She sipped the juice, nodding. "A bit sore but that's about normal for ...such activities." She took another drink.

He took the glass from her, staring at her. "Do I need to find a doctor?" he asked quietly. "Or SHIELD medical?"

"No. I'm not injured."

"You were probably drugged. We need to draw blood but I'm doubting that we'll find much." He handed back the glass. "It's been two days."

"Two... it's after that holiday, isn't it?" He nodded once. "Is that why?"

"I do not know," he admitted. "We'll figure it out." She nodded. He went into the bedroom, looking at them. Ward had flopped into the free spot so he got some room. Coulson leaned over Xander's body to flick Clint on the forehead, making him blink at him. "Morning. Apparently you've all had fun." Xander shoved at him so he moved.

Clint sat up, looking at the bed. Then at him. "What?" he mouthed.

Agent May came to the doorway. "There's juice and fruit out here."

He blinked at her then at the bed. "Wow." He looked at Xander. Nudging him only made him grumble and swat at him. Clint climbed off, taking the bathrobe Coulson handed him. He went to the bathroom then came back out shaking his head. He walked out to get some juice, finding Natasha letting herself in. "When did you get up?" he asked.

She stared at him. "Late last night. I couldn't wake any of you."

"I thought that was your lipstick." He sipped the juice. "So?"

"We were used as sinks so Xander's magic would be quieted," she said quietly, sitting down. She looked at May. "They dosed both of us with a birth control shot without us realizing it. I asked specifically about that. They said the appearance of a child before he's mastered the basics would probably warp his skills so he has to pick a chosen deity and life that life instead. The one I talked to said many had been ruined that way." She grimaced but nodded. She looked at Coulson. "The remaining wives of the last mage were behind this pagan marriage."

"Is it legal?" May asked. "For anyone?"

"Not sure," Natasha said.

"What did they drug you with?" Coulson asked. "And are any of them still alive?"

"Yes. Two of the healers at the spa are among them. They're also very ill because the healing is slowly killing them."

May grimaced. "Because they're using their own powers?"

"Healing uses your own energy plus powers plus your fat supplies, the same as magic does," Coulson said. "As far as we can tell." Both women grimaced but Clint nodded. "You're sure?"

"Yeah. I've seen others doing it up close and personal. Being a healer has to be more draining."

Xander wobbled out, blinking at them. "What's going on? Why was I sleeping with Agent Ward?"

"Long story," Clint said, getting Xander some juice and making him sit down. "What does being a healer mean?"

"It depends on which way you're doing it. You can touch them and share your energy with them, which uses their body to heal. Or you can use all of your own. At the most untrained or most desperate levels, you bring it into yourself then work on healing yourself." He sipped the juice, staring at his hand. "I'm not glowing."

"That's because they decided we four could be your energy sink," May said.

Xander blinked at her. "I ...." He looked at the juice then at her. "What?"

"The wedding they were talking about?" Clint said. Xander nodded. "Was all of us to you to be your harem so we could help you lose some of the extra energy that was making you glow."

Xander finished the juice, frowning as he drank. "That sucks and I'm really sorry." He looked at the two women. "This was not my idea. I'm... damn. I...." He swallowed.

"All of us were drugged," Natasha said. "You are not any more guilty of anything than we are." Xander stared at her. "You were just as drugged, yes?" He nodded slowly. "Then we are all guilty and all victims in this case."

"Doesn't make me feel better, but thank you. I..." He looked at Clint, who shrugged but was grimacing. "Damn it, I'm going to kill someone on purpose." He started to get up but Clint pulled him back down. "I should be able to."

"You can't," Clint said. "Healers are rare."

Xander hung his head. "I'm really sorry. This is not something I've even thought about."

Agent May patted him on the head. "We're just as guilty of jumping you while drugged, Xander. Calm down. We know it wasn't your fault and wasn't your choice." She looked in the bedroom. "Why is he still down?"

"To get past the protections Xander inked on him, they had to give him more," Natasha said. "He should wake up later today." She looked at Xander. "Right now, we need to talk about things. Including that your energies will now be sinking into us. Somehow we'll be automatically siphoning off the excess magic you seem to be shedding."

Xander shook his head. "I can stop that. I'm working on it."

She smirked a tiny bit. "The healers said that you could never totally control it. That's why so many mages have multiple lovers or spouses." Xander blinked, frowning at her. "They did say that the hellmouth taint protected you from that for years. Apparently it merged with your own powers to stabilize you until you could safely break out in them, or until you had to use them for an emergency. They were betting on that happening first."

"There's been a few times it might've been nice but I never tried to force magic," Xander said. "It never crossed my mind because I know I don't have those sort of skills."

"Apparently you do," Coulson said. "I'd like to hear more about the nature of the powers." Xander stared at him. "It could be important."

"It could give your boss a handle to try to use me," he said. "Which I don't want. To help a later mage, maybe. Not to help your boss do anything unless it's an emergency situation we all have to handle."

"I can see that point," he agreed. "We can do that." Xander nodded, relaxing again. "For right now, are your power levels flexing or anything? You're starting to glow."

Xander looked at himself then grimaced. "That's a Willow and the coven thing." He called from his phone when he found it in the usual spot. "You're making me glow?" he asked when someone answered. He listened. "No, I'm fine. Thank you for asking." He got up to get some juice then sat back down, sipping it. "Why would that matter? Yes, I'm in good control. I've been in fairly good control since about an hour after we got back here. No, only the temper that came out for a few minutes. Then I took a nap and was better." He took another drink, grimacing at Coulson. "I don't really care what she wants and Cleveland's not home. I'm sorry but it's not. It never will be home. No, the island's got a lot of protections."

"They were just renewed by the celebration," Natasha said.

"Agent Romanoff said that they were renewed during the recent sabbat." He finished that juice. Clint was calling down for more and a better breakfast. "I'm sure that will happen but then again I'm staying down here for a bit. Because it was left to me and Clint. We have to settle some details down here before I can go help any of the girls. If it's an emergency then call and I'll be there. Well, gee, me learning how to have conscious, good control somewhere that's got protections and ways to suck up any magic I may accidentally shed sounds like a good idea to me," he said dryly. He got up to get breakfast, nodding at the table. The waiter was pouting. Xander stared at him.

"I'm on the phone with the Coven," he mouthed. The waiter shuddered and put down breakfast, letting Clint sign for it. Xander got a muffin and sat back down. "I'm sure I'll be fine. I know exactly what not to do, Clorisma. I learned what not to do by watching Willow. I don't think I'll be making her mistakes," he said sarcastically. "If I do, then Clint can call me on it while he's here." He nibbled, curling up in the chair. "Yay. No, I'm not. It'll be at least a few months. Because we have to make sure the resort is all set up and appropriately running.

"We inherited the resort, which includes a small tourist village, and a great spa, and a lot of nude beaches, and the hotel, and all that stuff. Including a small airstrip. We have a lot of stuff to make sure works right. If there's an emergency, then someone can call me and I'll come help. If not, then I'll be working with my girls long distance, the same as I have while I was traveling before. Oh, and if someone doesn't handle the ones in Paris then I'd hate to see what they'd do to take over the city. I told Giles about that before I broke my ankle. The last I knew he had forgotten to send anyone." He ate another bite.

"I don't care that you guys hate Paris. Remember, one city falls and then the rest get harder to protect," he said dryly. "Think about all those French people eaten and turned, dear." He rolled his eyes. "Get over it," he finally said. "We have to protect everyone, not just the ones we like. Otherwise I'd have asked Willow to summon some idiots I ran into in Africa so they could fight for their lives and die honorably defending everyone they stole and forced into their cult-like quasi-military groups. I'm sure the guys who pick up kids for soldiers would like that option," he said blandly. "No, I just got up. Yes, I'm a lazy ass," he said dryly. "I had someone in bed with me, Clorisma. You know it takes me more than ten minutes." He looked out the window. "Gotta go. She's awake." He hung up and finished the muffin, pointing at the bird outside. "Owl mail," he said between bites.

"That's weird," Agent May said as she got up and went to take the message it had. "Thank you." It faded out. "That's really strange, even for the Council."

Xander nodded. "It is." He took it to read, snorting and handing it to Clint. "One of the other mages congratulating me on finally breaking out and finding spouses that weren't evil."

The others took the note to read. Coulson took a picture with his phone to look up that name. He shook his head. "This one's not a nice being." He showed Xander, who shrugged. "You knew that?"

"I know who his high priest was until I walked up to him and beat his ass," Xander said dryly. Clint stared at him. "That's how I knew I had to do the exorcism on you."

"Thanks. Does he still have a high priest?"

"He has three higher priests. That high priest is presently unconscious in British custody because I found his plans while I was beating him to death for you. So I nicely called that ex of mine you hate to see out and about." He smiled.

"He's a good one to beat too," Clint shot back. "Did he actually handle the guy or did he just sell him to someone?"

"Don't know," Xander admitted with a grin for his buddy. "You'd have to ask him or his people."

Coulson put that in an email to Hill, who sent back he was listed as being in custody of the British government, but there was no confinement location listed. Xander looked at the phone and grinned. Coulson showed it to Clint. "Can I add anything to his file?"

"He's the magic user in charge of Loki's temple," Xander quipped with a grin. "He's about as strong as Willow when she's to channeling the Goddess."

Coulson sent that information. "Agent Hill said she'd make sure of where the person was stashed." He put his phone up. He had to pull it back out because he had gotten an email from her. He read it. "Someone has hacked SHIELD to put in that your status has changed, Clint. That you're now married to Xander."

"Really?" he asked dryly. "Who?"

"I'm not certain." He sent back that the former wives of the last owner did somehow make Xander and Clint have ...relations but it was purely to reduce the energy he was leaking so it could be used for the protections. She sent back a huff. "I told her that you two were drugged into having sex so the extra energy he's carrying could be bled into the protections." He looked at the agents. "That way no notice is put into the system about any of these last two days." They all nodded that was fine. He looked at Xander. "I put in that you had been drugged as well, that way no one could start to complain that you had pounced him."

"Thank you," he said quietly.

"You're welcome." He patted him on the head. His phone beeped. "Skye," he muttered, texting her.

Agent May took the phone to send her own telling her they were fine, the mission was going well, and she was not to spread any information she had seen to anyone else. It was a delicate situation and they were working on it. But they were also having a nice vacation on the nude beach while working on it. She handed it back, shaking her head as she got herself some breakfast. "The two geeks will be frantic if they knew," she said.

"Fitz wanted to take a lot of readings about magic," Coulson said. He looked at Xander. "I won't let them turn you into a guinea pig."

"Thanks. Can they have Willow?" He smiled. "Before she tries something else? I can feel her trying to do something to the shields around the island."

"Definitely." He sent that message to an agent near the Council. Then to the one near the coven since she was apparently with them. Ten minutes later they had a report of two agents who were now rats and Willow was in custody. "Fixed."

"Thank you." He got up to look outside, spotting one of the healers. "How do I fix that?" he called.

"I'll bring you the books he wrote out in case we ever had kids, Xander." She smiled. "Are you all right?"

"Bit upset," he said, staring at her. "For many reasons. We'll talk when you bring up those books?" She nodded, looking down as she walked off. Xander went back to his seat, huffing a bit. "Sorry."

"It's not right that they drugged us," Clint said. "I like being able to remember having sex."

Agent May stared at him. "That's the only thing that bothers you?"

"No, but I'll leave it there," he said with a smirk for her. "Since I don't know what I did outside of somehow having Natasha's lipstick on me." May blushed a tiny bit, shaking her head. He grinned at Natasha. "It's the same shade you wore when we had to bust that D/s group that was smuggling jewels a few years back."

"I look good in that shade," she said. "I tend to wear it most of the time." She stared at him. "Eat."

"Yes, ma'am. Want something while I'm up?"

"No. I've had breakfast." She looked at Xander. "Now what?"

"I don't know," he admitted, looking at her. "Beyond the urge to rant and scream, which probably is healthy emotionally but not good for the magic stuff, I have no idea. You?"

She shook her head. "Not really." Someone knocked and they got let in. Xander took the books and they all looked at the two healers. They had a lot of answers to give and a lot of problems to straighten out. Before they all went off on them.

***

It was nearly lunchtime when their talk to figure things out was interrupted by a knock on the door. Xander got up to answer it. "Hey, Paul," he said, hugging him.

"Xander, I'm sorry to interrupt your honeymoon...."

"Not like that, Paul. Really." He stared at him. "Apocalypse attempt?"

"Witch-pocalypse." He walked in and turned on the tv, changing the channel to the weather channel. "My second was watching over the girls because he wants to date one of them."

Xander nodded. "I've heard and told her he was a nice guy most of the time." He and the agents were watching the meteorologist get frantic.

"We have no idea why a witch with hot flashes decided we needed to have winter in the middle of June, but apparently that's how it's happening, people. We have reports of the newest ice age starting. Parts of Canada are already below zero and it's spreading south. We have reports of parts of Europe already getting snow." The map on the tv changed to a global one. "We project that the snow problem is going to be hitting the equator in about six days." The meteorologist looked at the map then back at the camera. "We have no idea what's going on but we are advising people to stock up in a calm manner. You have a few days unless you're north of the US/Canada border. Then you maybe have a day to stock up. We have no idea how long this second winter is going to be, but I can tell you it's not going to be good for crops and travel."

Xander looked around, taking Clint's phone when he held it up. He called the main house. "Which blinky box of witch do I need to come take out, Giles?" He listened. "Dawn did what?" He listened again. "So, Dawn sneezed on Izmarelda's spell to ease one of the senior witch's hot flashes," he said. "And Dawn's actually warmed it up?" Clint shuddered. "You know what, I'd like to talk to that blinky box of witch, Giles," he said dryly.

"Well, yes, but it's my job to take out threats to the slayers," he said sarcastically. "Including our people that go evil. I'd call the new ice age evil, Giles. Turn on the weather channel. How would I know? I haven't been in the building for more than ten minutes in years. There's probably a program guide button on the remote." He listened to Giles ask one of the girls to turn on the weather channel.

"Yeah, cute name and all. Witch-pocalypse. Personally I think half the junior coven are blinky boxes. Because they can't do much more than blink, Giles. They're not that smart. Izmarelda proved it." He listened to the girls complain about it getting cold. He sighed, rubbing his head. "Where is she?" He started to pace. "Can she undo it? Oh, Merideth broke it but did it wrong. Can they undo it?" he asked.

Clint took the phone. "Giles, Barton. Which witch am I putting an arrow through for ruining all the growing crops, causing food shortages worldwide, and probably killing off a good portion of humanity?" He listened to the complaining. "They don't really have snow gear in the Carribean," he said dryly. "They don't really know how to deal with ice and snow. According to the weather channel, within six days they'll need to." He listened. "Sure, we can do that. Can the witches cast an undo?" He slumped, grimacing.

"Hey, no more global warming," Ward muttered.

"Or food growing this year," Clint said.

Xander looked at the healer/former wife of a mage. "Where are the others of us? Can we undo this?"

"Yes. We have email for most of them." He nodded, pointing at the in-room computer. She sent one for him. "You should be able to undo it together, Xander."

"Thank you."

"It will take being in control."

"I'm in pretty good control. I haven't smited anyone for making me rape people magically," he said quietly, staring at her. She flinched but nodded. Clint patted him on the arm. Xander took the phone back. "I've had someone send emails to some of the mages in case they can undo it. Yeah, I think she's getting more than spanked. Did you thank Dawn for warping it so it's not working as fast?" He nodded. "Send her down here. I'll call later when we have an idea." He hung up, tossing Clint his phone back. "Okay," he decided, smiling at Paul. "Thank you."

"Welcome, Xander. I hope you guys can do it." He left them to figure out how to handle this.

"We have thermal hot springs a bit away," she said. "We can ease them into warmer status." Xander nodded, taking her off to do that. It wasn't that hard to make them warmer with some careful earth shifting.

Clint looked at the other agents. "He's going to hate himself for years, the same as I will." Ward nodded he was too.

Natasha stared at him. "It is not like any of us are any better than the others in this case," she said. "We are all guilty of the same sin."

"Nat, guys feel worse about this," Clint said. "We're trained to be careful about consent stuff so we're not assholes."

She nodded. "I understand but we do not blame any of you for this. The witches we blame fully."

Agent May nodded. "Yes I do."

Ward looked at her. "We'd all like to beat the crap out of them."

"No, I'm going to kill someone," Clint said. "That's why I'm an assassin."

Natasha smiled and nodded. "Yes, we are. Though you may be busy with the blinky box of witch."

"It fits," he told her. "It really does fit."

"Izmarelda is not smart or old enough to be wise," Coulson said, looking her up in the files. "She's sixteen. She was probably horrified by the change of life the older witch was going through." He looked at them. "We may need to go to Cleveland."

"We can do that," Clint promised. He looked at the two junior agents, who nodded they agreed. "When Xander comes back."

"Agreed," Coulson said, sending a note to the airport about the plane needing to be ready. Xander came back sweating and headed for the shower. "We're going to Cleveland," he called.

"Sure. Let me shower off the stress and grab some pants," Xander said. He came out a few minutes later in just a towel so he could grab clothes. "I need to find somewhere for Dawn to be safely away from the other witches."

"There's a number of good colleges nowhere near LA or Cleveland," Coulson said. "We can talk to her when we rescue her."

"She's in her dorm," Xander said. "Buffy sent her off when she realized that Dawn had interrupted the spell and caused it to be weaker. She had started to yell about interrupting the spell then Giles said it had helped ease it." He found his phone, listening to the voicemails on it. "Two mages are going to meet us there." They nodded, packing up and heading to the airport. "We'll be back," Xander called as they walked past the check-in desk. "We have to save the world from witches."

"Yes, Xander. We'll have your room ready when you come back." Clint grinned. "For you too, Clint."

"Not sure about me yet. I might have to work for a few months."

"Okay." She made that note in the system for the manager.

*** (sent to list to here)

Xander stepped out of the airport, finding press people lying in lurk. "People, stop," he ordered. That stopped the babbling at him. "What has been said?"

"Not a thing," one of the reporters said. "You're the first Council person we've seen since this started."

Xander nodded. "We usually all hide from you." He sighed. "One of the youngest blinky box witches with the Coven was trying to ease an elder witch's hot flashes." A few of the reporters moaned. "That's why some witches are blinky boxes and some are real people," he said dryly. "We've had one witch step in to ease it, without realizing her interrupting helped. We have others looking at how to stop it. Give us a few hours to look at things and beat the blinky box to death." They got out of the way. He made his way to the cabs. The agents had snuck out another entrance and were already heading to the Council house. Xander waved at the driver. "Council's house please."

"Can you stop the snow?"

"We think so. Hopefully before it does too much damage." The driver nodded, taking off. Xander rubbed his forehead. The hellmouth was reaching for him. He did the shielding exercises he knew to keep it out of him. He paid the driver and got out, walking around the agent SUVs in the driveway. "FBI too," he muttered. "Great." He walked in and went back to where he could hear yelling. "Where's the blinky box I need to take out before they stone all the witches?" he asked.

Giles flinched, looking at him. "In Devon."

"I can fix that," Coulson said, calling that in. He hadn't been yelling but the FBI agents had been venting. "Xander, both mages are outside town."

"I know why. The hellmouth's giving me a headache already." Giles handed over his shielding necklace. Xander sighed in pleasure. "Thank you."

"I had Willow and Dawn add some shielding for you."

"It helps," he agreed. He looked at the FBI agents. "What makes you think yelling at us is going to help us solve their problem faster?" They glared at him. "I'm the Council's problem solver. That's why I'm here." He waved a hand. "Go home. You're interrupting us fixing it."

"Why didn't you get her sooner?" one demanded.

"Because I was in the Caribbean dealing with the resort my former wife left me," he said dryly. "Since she married me while I was unconscious then committed suicide.... I had to do stuff." One stepped back, looking horrified. Xander grinned. "Yes, it's a nudist resort. It's kinda fun and relaxing. I needed a vacation." They stomped off. Xander waved at their backs. "Have a good trip, guys." He sighed, staring at Giles. "Let me talk to the mages." He walked off. "Where, Coulson?"

"Ramada by the golf course."

"Sure, that's a nice place. Giles, I'm taking a slayer mobile." He grabbed keys off the board on his way to the garage.

Giles looked at Agent Coulson then at Clint. "I had no idea."

"We know. You have sense most of the time," Clint quipped with a grin. "That witch...she's not going to make it to another year."

"If I had gotten my hands on her, she wouldn't have," Giles said, sipping his water. "Ladies, let's go on patrol," he yelled.

"There's no way we can patrol in this cold," one of the girls yelled back.

"Vampires aren't allergic to snow," Clint yelled back. "Put on a long sleeve shirt and then a jacket! And no heels!"

One walked in and paused. "Oh, you're Clint. It's too cold."

"Bull," May said, smiling at her. "Let's go, ladies. I can help tonight until we have something to deal with."

"That is Agent May. She's ranked fifth on the deadly bitch list at SHIELD," Clint said, staring at the slayer. "Agent Romanoff is still first."

"I'm tracking down people who want to take advantage of this," she said, not looking up from her phone. "We have two people who want to sell warm bombs and one trying to sell weather control technology to the farmers."

Coulson looked over her shoulder. "Interesting. We have them under watch already?"

"Two of the three." She showed him.

He sent that information in to the head people. They could handle those. "Ward, go help the girls on patrol."

"Yes, sir." He grabbed his jacket and headed out with them. "Coulson said to follow," he told May.

"The more the merrier," she said. The slayers gave them a few dirty looks. She smirked. "We're SHIELD agents, ladies. We've seen weirder than vampires."

"AIM agents come to mind," Ward quipped with a smile for them.

"There had been one intelligence person who decided he needed to be a werewolf. He had hair transplants all over his body and had dental implants put into his mouth."

"I heard about him," Ward said, smiling at her. "Thankfully he's in a nice home where the nurses don't complain about shaving him." The girls groaned and shook their heads. "There's weirder than you guys and your duties that SHIELD sees every day."

"Guys in spandex saving the world comes to mind," one of the girls quipped.

"Most of them are really nice people; they feel they have a duty to protect people," Agent May said. They ran into someone the girls walked around. "Miss Summers."

"I'm glad I could ease it." The slayers stared at her. She nodded. "Otherwise winter would be here instead of coming soon." They groaned. "I felt Xander?"

"Ramada by the golf course," Ward said.

"Great. Let me go help them. By the way, one of the other seers said that there's going to be two groups going after Clint to sacrifice him to ease this winter thing, and one just to make Xander lonely." She sighed as she walked off.

"Clint's at the house," Ward called after her. Dawn smiled and nodded, heading off that way. "Good to know so we can divert it," Ward told May, walking off with her. The girls followed, going to do a cemetery patrol. They swung by the hellmouth to make sure no one was trying anything.

***

Dawn walked into the house. "Clint, two groups want to sacrifice you. One to stop the winter and the other to make Xander lonely," she called.

Clint leaned out of the kitchen, staring at her. "Any other cheery news?"

She smiled and nodded. "Four to five mages can fix it." Giles sighed loudly. "How many are here?"

"Two and Xander."

"I can tell him that." She walked back there, pouring herself some coffee and leaning on the counter to look at them. "The local demon bar is having a bonfire. Three peaceful clans that can't do cold are going on suicide binges in Texas." Giles nodded, grimacing. "Paris is having more fits about magic." She took a sip. "There's a lot of decrying the witches but Xander's 'blinky box' name is well liked. It's being spread around and used."

"I agree, some of them are blinky boxes because that's all they're good for," Natasha said. "Many young women have that problem these days."

"They think it makes guys like them more because they're less complicated," Dawn quipped. "Some of us are more than willing to let them have all those shallow guys. Some of us want to have smarter and deeper ones, yet not the art student that Buffy tried to set me up with."

Natasha smirked at her. "He was handled recently for his drug trade."

"Aww, thank you. I'd hug you but I don't want to spar." She sipped her coffee. Giles was moaning into a cabinet before he thumped his forehead into it. "You missed the beat poet," Dawn said dryly, getting a dirty look from Giles. "Buffy's fault. She set up the blind dates. Smelled like pot, dirty black clothes that needed a desperate wash, beret, smoking Pal Mal's he had bummed, wannabe hipster glasses. He was part emo, part beat poet, and part hipster and *thought* he had good opinions on pitiful things going on in the world. When I pointed out that there were more important things than low wage workers, like women being killed for being women, he got all offended that I found things more important." She finished the cup of coffee.

Clint stared at her. "How long did that date last?"

"He had me trapped at the table for an hour and a half. Then he tried to kiss and grope. I had to tell him I couldn't kiss anyone with tobacco on their breath and I fortunately ran into one of the slayers on the way out of the bar. He decided, loudly, that I was a lesbian and I should just come out. Thankfully, my stalker buddy was there and kicked his ass then almost stabbed him until the bartender dragged him off the pitiful fool."

"Was he within the area covered by the restraining order?" Giles asked, sounding exhausted.

"No. I almost gave the guy a hug for that saving though." Clint was staring at her. "Never even met him in person, Clint. The guy decided I was his personal goddess and started to send me notes. When he saw me fighting with one of the slayers that was being a twat that night, he tried to kill her to save me the trouble. We got a restraining order the next day when the police told us what he had said." She grinned. "He's a philosophy and mythology major."

"Great," Clint mouthed. "Does Xander know?"

"Yeah, he met him and delivered the restraining order. Then he went on a date with Paulo and his twin sister, the dangerous twins. Who I still think are fucking like rabid ponies."

Natasha nodded. "You'd be correct, they are. Complete with pony play. She likes the bit and saddle. He just likes to be pegged by her."

"Well, gee, no retarded, inbred babies that way," Clint said dryly. "We really have to get rid of those two, 'Tasha."

"Too late," Coulson said. "They were arrested yesterday in the middle of one of their play dates, as they called it." He looked up from his tablet. "Fury was not amused at them. He taunted them that they'd have to be in separate jails, possibly even in different countries."

"Have they asked for one last night before they're put to death?" Clint asked.

"They have and Fury has so far taunted them about it."

Natasha shook her head. "Sometimes I doubt that humanity will carry on."

Clint patted her on the shoulder. "We're more sane."

"Yes, but we're not contributing to the continuation of humanity," she said, looking at him. "Therefore no one will be there to stop those sort in the future."

"SHIELD makes new agents every day," Coulson said. "We can warp some of them into being almost as good as you two." They smiled at him. "Though if you two want to contribute genetic material we may be able to breed using them after you've both passed on. The Director said to remind you that it was an option."

"No, thank you anyway," Natasha said.

"Ditto," Clint said.

"I'll let him know." He sent that email. "He said that the president wants to kill all magic users. I've countered with reasons why he can't, including that it'll take a lot of them to fix it."

Giles pulled out his phone to call someone, walking off. "This is Rupert Giles with an update. Yes, of course I'll hold for the president to quit swearing about us," he said blandly.

Coulson smiled. "He's learned well," he said quietly. Dawn punched him on the arm. He looked at her. "Xander wanted you to go to a safer school."

"I have one semester left and then I'm going to Madrid for college."

Clint shook his head slowly. "The European hellmouth is within thirty miles." She pointed up the hall. "Did you apply and get accepted anywhere else?"

"Brazil."

Natasha looked at her. "Brazil is dangerous."

"I know. That's why Giles picked Madrid for me."

Natasha grimaced. "Where did you want to go?"

"Willow magically removed my application from there."

"Send it now," she said.

"Can't. Too late for this whole year." She smirked a bit.

Giles came back to get some water for tea. "We need her in Madrid to protect her."

"Xander wanted her somewhere even more safe," Natasha said.

Clint nodded. "There's a lot of safer colleges for her to finish her education."

"Yes, but none of them have her interests," Giles said.

"Neither does Madrid," Dawn said. Giles scowled at her. "My major's not there. So I'll have to get a second one." She shrugged. "Sorry but true." She got more coffee. Xander walked in. "Did you get my message?"

"Yes. We have five of them so you don't have to fill in." She smiled. "You're not going to Madrid."

"Thank you."

"You're going to medical school. Pick one." She gaped, staring at him. He smirked. "We need new docs anyway. You're good at that. So therefore you're going."

"I...." She cleared her throat. "That wasn't really in my field of study, Xander."

"It's your minor, Dawn."

"Good point."

"With the MD you can also get a psychology degree and become a shrink, which the Council could use," Xander quipped.

"Point. Maybe."

"You'd be the one we'd go to for things like demon diseases," Clint said.

Dawn gaped. "Seriously?"

"Someone has to," Coulson agreed.

"Huh. I hadn't thought of that." She looked at Giles, who was staring at Xander with a look of horror on his face. Xander stared back. "It's something I am good at. I'm one of the post-incident bandagers." She sipped her coffee, considering it. "At one time I thought about being a vet. Training to be the one who handles demon diseases isn't that far off." She walked off thinking about that.

Giles stared at Xander. "Shouldn't she decide that?"

"As opposed to you making her get an MBA she doesn't want so she can do your paperwork?" Xander quipped back. Giles huffed but left it there.

"She does good stitches," Clint said. "Those ones she did for me were nicely spaced and just the right level of tight."

"The ones she does for me too," Xander agreed. "I'm glad I taught her."

Coulson looked at Xander. "You're trained?"

"No, I've learned out of Willow's mom's textbooks," he said dryly. "I've been doing my own stitches since I was a little kid."

"He does good ones too," Clint agreed.

Xander grinned at him. "Thanks."

"We can look into training modules like the military uses for medics," Coulson said. "That way you learn all that you can." He sent that note to Hill, who huffed back but oh well. It would someday help save Clint's life.

Dawn walked back in. "We have protestors."

Xander sighed but grabbed a shotgun out of the cabinet and loaded it on his way outside. He put it against his shoulder, staring at them. "Just because one witch is only good to be a blinky box doesn't mean the rest of us are that way, people. We're going to be taking care of her very shortly, once she's back in the US. We're working to fix it. It'll take us about three days to fix things. We have to gather some materials and a few other people need to fly in." The crowd shifted and was muttering. "Most of the ones we need have to come in from Europe. Two of the things we need have to come from Asia." That got less muttering. "We're working on it. Give us a few days. Hopefully for most of us it'll only be a cold few days."

"Why can't you fix it sooner!" one of the crowd demanded.

"Because we can't teleport the people or things we need. One of the things we need shouldn't even be flown, it should only touch the ground so we'd have to find a way to bring it from Thailand over-land." That shut them up. "We're working on it. It'll take a few days. We're all really sorry the teenage witch decided to ease the older witch's menopause but that was all her being an idiot. Not the rest of us. I've heard the Coven beat her nearly to death, but we need her alive to undo it." They groaned. "So let us handle it and then be an angry mob, okay?"

They mostly stomped off but the usual protestors were still there with their signs. He looked at two of them that had a species on their sign. "You know that species eats human kids, right?" he called. They glared at him. "They had one break into a hospital nursery and try to take out twenty kids for a wedding feast. They eat little kids. If you're that happy with them, volunteer yours." One started to cry. The other stomped off being mad. She got a different sign and came back. "Whatever," Xander decided, going back inside. "The PETAD are here."

"PETAD?" Coulson asked.

"People for the ethical treatment of animals and demons," Natasha said. "They expanded."

"The ones outside had signs trying to protest us having to take out demons who broke into a nursery to get kids to eat," Xander said. "I told them next time they could volunteer their kids." He heard someone knock so he went to answer it. "Yes, Officer?"

"Sir, we haven't seen you with the slayers."

"I'm their battle planner. I'm usually roaming to handle things because the hellmouth gives me a headache."

"That's good. Two things. Did you have to bring the shotgun? I'd assume you were armed." He looked him over.

"How armed do I seem?" Xander asked with a grin.

"That's what I'm worried about, sir."

"I needed a more obvious show. If you can't spot half of them, they definitely couldn't."

"Makes sense but please be less threatening?"

"I'm the guy they send to handle problems, Officer."

"Figures. Can we have a list of demons that are dangerous?"

"We can give you a copy of the handbook that lists people eaters, but any creature can be dangerous in the right circumstances. Like otters, since that's what popped to mind thanks to them having signs about water demons, they're decent and peaceful until they're screwed with or you try to harm their families."

"I get that," the officer agreed. "We respect that. We'd like a list of the people eaters mostly so we can identify them and handle it or call it in immediately."

"Sure." Xander let him inside while he got the book. He came back. "We hand them to smaller departments or any that ask. They know to call us, we'll tell them how to handle it or if it's too big we'll send a girl right out."

"We like to do the same thing," the officer agreed with a smile. "Thank the two girls who had been in the ER for handling the ones breaking into that nursery?"

Xander pointed in the living room. "They heard."

"You're welcome," one of the slayers in a cast said.

"They're gross and needed to go far, far away anyway," the other quipped.

"They had been rollerblading," Xander said with a smile. "But we're glad to help. Those kind get killed or run out of everywhere once they're spotted."

"We like that too. We'll gladly help. Three days?"

"One of the things from Asia is being flown over by one of the guardian priests. So if the demon with wings shows up, point him this way?" Xander asked.

"It has to be a demon?"

"He's probably between eight and nine feet tall, light blue/purple, and has wings."

"Wings. Sure, I'll let them know. That way we don't touch him. Is it going to be done in the park near the hellmouth?"

"Yes."

"We'll make sure it's not interrupted." He nodded and left. He took the book back to his boss, who had it copied and spread around immediately. They could handle the upcoming ritual or whatever. Cleveland wouldn't even care if they sacrificed that witch during it. It'd save a lot of people massing to do it for them.

***

Xander walked into the setup area under the tent, nodding at the others. "Hey, guys."

One of them stared at you. "You're the one that just broke out?" Xander grinned weakly but nodded. "Why?"

"Apparently it had been hiding behind some hellmouth taint. Then Willow made me mad, again." They all snorted. He shrugged. "I've known her since my first day of school. Nothing can get to me like she can." He looked at the witch, who was cowering in a corner of the tent. "Good. Now, do we know what we did wrong?"

"I tampered," she whimpered.

"Ya think?" Xander asked. "Remember why Willow went wrong? She thought she was the Goddess." He stared at her. She swallowed but nodded and curled up more. "Center yourself. You're going to be helping us fix your screw up before there's no food growing at all."

"Yes, sir."

"Thank you." He looked at the others then sighed. "I've only seen the barest on this ritual. Can someone tell me what my part is beyond standing here and channeling?"

The senior mage laughed. "Didn't you practice before this?" Xander shook his head. "No?"

"No. I didn't. I thought I had some hellmouth taint and I trained with some shaman in Africa."

"Oh, dear," the lone female moaned.

"All the bad girls say that about me," Xander quipped with a grin. She stared at him. "Hi, Xander Harris."

"I've heard they do more than moan 'oh dear' about you," she shot back. "He doesn't practice. Rosenburg was *sure* that it was the hellmouth that made her magic go wrong around him."

"It could've been," Xander said. "I was full of hellmouth taint. That's why I got trained by the shaman I ran into in Africa. They decided I was brighter than the moon most of the time."

"You still need work on shielding," the elder mage said.

"I only broke out a week ago. Then I woke up two days ago to having one of the last resort's owners drugging me and a few friends of a friend so we'd get together." They all winced. "I don't know anything but I'm learning so I don't sneeze and blow up Cleveland."

"That's a good thing," the elder mage said. "We all had to start somewhere and at least you know you don't know much. We can work on that." The female came over to show Xander where he was to stand, how he was to channel, and what he was to think during the ritual. Xander nodded, going over it to make sure he had it while everyone else set up. Xander took his spot. The witch slid over to stand in the center of the pentagram. "Let us begin," the lead mage ordered.

***

Xander came out of the tent by himself. "They left." Clint was staring at him. "We made her take back her spell. It kinda...." He looked at his messy, disgusting shirt. "Exploded." He handed the waiting demon priest the artifact. "Thank you. It was very helpful and the spell should be fully ended."

"We feel it is mostly. Winters may be bad for a few more years," he said, bowing. Xander bowed back. "I shall go."

"Peaceful and safe travels," Xander said. The demon smiled and flew off. Xander took off his shirt and tossed it back into the tent, nodding at Giles, the senior with of the Devon Coven, and the police detective walking over. "We made her withdraw her spell's energy. We channeled it so it was ended as much as we could. The demonic priest said that it's mostly ended but we may have a few more bad winters." The detective nodded.

"The power made her explode?" the senior witch asked.

Xander nodded. "Yes. It's kinda gross."

"I can imagine. She was a sweet girl."

"Who didn't think," Xander said. "She didn't even realize why what she did was wrong, Melina. Seriously! I asked! She had no idea. I had to remind her of why Rosenburg went bad."

"The young are often cocky," she said. She patted him on the cheek. "You need shields."

"Still working on them. It's only been a week."

"I know."

"And how do I undo the ritual that the witches there did?"

She stared at him. "What ritual?"

"They decided I needed some power sinks from Clint's friends."

"Oh, dear." She grimaced, looking at Giles then at him. "Was it voluntary?"

"With how drugged we were? Nope," Clint said.

"Hm. It may be able to be handled but we would need to guard them." Xander nodded. "I'll have Syria fly down to check on them."

"They're mostly at the Council house," Clint said.

"Even better. She's there." She pulled out her phone to call that witch. She was excellent at things. "Xander, she's already working on one of them because you made them glow. She says she can loosen it but if you need a second for a ritual you could choose one of them." Xander nodded, sighing at the end. "It's the best we can do without killing the ones who did it."

"No, they're healers. They're needed," Xander said.

"We'll be easy on them and send a few to augment their coven."

"They were the last mage's spouses," Clint said.

Melina smiled. "There's no such thing as a celibate mage, Clint. They'd be overloaded by the power. He was right, any in that are power sinks."

"Can't I wear something like the hellmouth shield?" Xander asked. Giles handed it back so he put it on. "Thank you for holding it for me, Giles."

"We can help you with that but real control comes without helping means," Melina said.

"Which would be spouses," Xander said dryly.

"Mages live longer, Xander." He glared at her. "It takes specific rituals to extend the life of your favorite spouses with yours." He walked off shaking his head.

"Not like I want to be immortal," Clint said.

"We'll help him calm down and learn what he needs to learn," Melina said. "That way you can go back to work."

"I probably will sometime," he said dryly. He looked at the detective. "I was standing guard."

"Go chase the boy. Before he runs into problems." Clint jogged off. "Mr. Giles, can you warn us before the next big thing happens?"

"If I know, I always warn," he said. They heard something explode and looked. "I wonder what Xander did this time." He sighed, heading that way. "Oh, fuck," Giles said, calling the slayers in.

"I need a blade," Xander called.

"They're bringing some, Xander. Just hold on." Clint shot another explosive arrow at the demon. Two slayers on patrol ran their way. Xander disarmed one and lunged in. "Victim, Rona." He pointed. She ran over to check them while he fought with the other slayer and Clint. Others showed up in a squeal of brakes. More slayers, the other agents, some of his artillery babies. Ward had the artillery so that helped. "Center mass, Agent Ward. Blow the chest open so we can kill the little thing inside it so we can behead it." He nodded, aiming at the chest. Clint helped with another piece of artillery. They finally got the demon open so the slayers could kill the inner being of the demon. Then Clint beheaded it with a small rocket. Giles walked over, looking at the girls. "Well done, ladies, agents, and Xander and Clint."

"I am an agent," he said, smirking some.

Xander hugged him, patting him hard on the back. "Yes you are. That's why you arrest my lovers on me." He walked over the disposed artillery. "Looks like I need to play some more kitten poker." The girls laughed but the detective staring at the battle called in someone to burn the demon. By the time the fire department got there, everyone else was gone.

***

Xander, Clint, Natasha, and Coulson walked back into the resort, getting smiles from the check in girl. "Good afternoon, Xander and Clint. Welcome back Agents Coulson and Romanoff." She let them have their keys back. "Nice work, sir."

Xander stared at her. "It got caught on video?"

"Of course," she chirped.

"Then we'll handle any fallout like usual," Xander decided. "Not the first time an apocalypse battle got caught on camera." He headed up to their room. "Clint, are you heading out to the beach first or going to the office?"

"Beach. You hit the office."

"Sure." He got changed and went down to see what had happened while they were gone.

Clint got into board shorts and sandals, heading down to the beach. He ran into a familiar figure sipping a drink with an umbrella and wearing a speedo. "You don't have to live by resort rules?" the guy taunted with a slight smirk.

"Not really. Some days I wear a sarong, some days I wear shorts." He settled at the same table. "What're you doing here, Stark?"

"Vacation." He saw a figure and stared. "What. The. Hell?" he demanded quietly.

Clint looked back then at him. "SHIELD hid it from everyone but Natasha found out. We stole him from his former special response team. Steve didn't tell you?" Stark glared. "He's down here to help us set up things since we inherited the resort from some women."

"Women?" Stark asked, staring at him over his sunglasses. "Really?"

"Amazons," Natasha said as she joined them. "They took him and Xander hostage to marry them. Then committed suicide."

"You two lead an insane life," Stark decided. Coulson sat down at the table. "Coulson."

"Stark." He looked at Clint. "Xander's hiding?"

"Doing administrative stuff."

"That's fine. He's fairly decent at it." He looked at Stark. "Why are you here?"

"Big demon battle, saw my teammates." He waved his drink around. "Thought they might like to meet to talk about upcoming problems."

"Now that the eternal winter is solved," Natasha said, looking at her phone. "That only leaves a few problems. Including giving the slayers agents who have sense to help them."

"The director is trying," Coulson reminded her.

"My patience," Clint agreed. "He's been doing it very well too. Especially since that lady that tried to flirt with Xander in the airport was a junior agent in training to be Natasha."

Natasha grimaced. "She was nowhere near worthy of the title. She had no skills if Xander could blow her off that fast."

"Maybe she'll be more effective with normal people," Coulson said.

"Perhaps. Xander is very used to odd things and bad lovers," Natasha agreed. "Did we get an ID on the one that nearly blew him in the waiting area?"

Clint grimaced but nodded. "That's Chuck. Chuck met him in Africa. Chuck really wanted to do the spell so Xander could bear him babies." Stark started to laugh.

"He's not kidding, Stark," Coulson said. "There is such a spell and Rosenburg might do it."

"She tried twice so far," Clint agreed. Xander came out to sit with them. "You done?"

"Only two problems. One complaint of a room's a/c never shutting off, which got fixed that night. One that stomped off without paying. I told them where his accounts were so we sent them a bill." He looked at the new guy. "Hi, Xander Harris."

"Tony Stark." He shook his hand. "How long have you known our sniper?"

"Few years now. Since he found me after my car got blown up." He grinned at Clint. "If I never mentioned it, thank you for saving me from the OD on truth serum some of the agents used."

"Not a problem, Xander. We like you."

Natasha looked at Stark. "There's rumors that they're their own group called CHAOS."

Coulson laughed, shaking his head. "They would like that too much."

"Huh?" Xander asked her.

"One of the junior agents said that we're considered CHAOS," Clint said. "Chiron and Hawkeye, Agents of Sexy. Apparently we're a hidden unit inside SHIELD."

Xander shook his head. "I can't stand your director most of the time. Maybe if it's the fate of the world or something but no, I don't work for SHIELD." Clint grinned. "I'm still sexy though. Even with the scars and the eye thing."

"Plenty of people see past the eye and the scars," Natasha said, smiling at him. "They just seem to be of looser moral fiber."

"They usually like a lot of weapons," Clint added.

"I do like weapons cleaning as foreplay," Xander agreed, grinning at him. "You got to miss the night I went to that in the club because everyone was so unhappy."

"I heard," Clint said. Xander just grinned at him. "It's not nice to taunt guys like that. They might try to keep you and then I'd have to pull a rescue. Again." Xander hugged him. "Thanks." He gave him a gentle head shove. "No more taking guns off people and using it to give them mental images of you blowing them." Xander shrugged, sitting back up.

"I do not want to know," Coulson said.

"It was at the club and I got asked to dance," Xander said with a shrug. "It made everyone happier. My other one that night I had a sword."

Coulson shook his head. "I still don't want to know." Xander grinned.

"I'd ask but I'm supposed to be a good boy on this vacation," Stark said dryly. "What do you do besides get rescued by the archer of our nightmares?" Clint glared at him.

Xander grinned. "I'm the slayer's trainer." Stark stiffened. "Which is why I keep running into Clint and Natasha in the field."

Natasha nodded. "Many who want to date you are on our list of people we need to remove from life."

"Thankfully most of the ones here are nice enough to only want him for sex right now," Clint said, looking at Xander. "You can have fun."

"I need to get into the right meditations and stuff for the magic stuff that just opened up."

"True," Coulson said. "It doesn't mean that you can't have fun while you're practicing."

"There are stripping hexes," Xander said, grinning at the end. "Willow used one last year to totally embarrass one of the slayers."

Clint shook his head. "Don't remind me. She got all flustered and then tried to flirt with me."

"Where is the charming Miss Rosenburg?" Natasha asked.

"Hopefully in a hole in Devon," Xander said. "Otherwise no clue."

"As long as she doesn't cause any more problems, I might not go put an arrow through her a few dozen times before I sink one into her eye," Clint said. Xander stared at him. "She has caused you a lot of problems, Xander. And then the world. When you were off meeting with the mages she wasn't sure what the big deal about that spell was. Even when Coulson explained to her that it would ruin all the food crops and we'd all starve."

"The magic is clouding her again, Clint. That's why she's an addict."

"I get that, but I'm not putting up with an addict that has access to nuclear weapons either," he said. "With all the hell she's caused you?"

"She's like my sister. I don't want to make excuses for her but I can't stop from protecting her sometimes."

"I get that. My brother was an asshole. He's a dead asshole now," he said dryly. "But he was an asshole."

"You might want to reconsider that opinion because by what Barry was saying a few days ago, he's not dead," Xander said.

"Excuse me?" Clint said. Xander shrugged. Clint looked around then got up, heading to Barry's table. "My brother's alive?" he demanded coldly.

"Yeah. They barely saved him. He's in hiding but he's alive."

"Did he become a priest or something?"

"No, took his mentor's old job." He stared at him. "You didn't know?"

"No! I thought he was still justifiably dead."

"Well, you can always go fix that." He smiled. "Where's Rosenburg?" He pointed.

He looked over. "I need my bow," he sneered. "Rosenburg, don't you dare upset him," he yelled. Xander flinched and he saw the instinctive pull up of a weapon that now had magic wrapped around it. That told him all he needed to know about how Xander really felt about Willow. He walked over, patting Xander on the shoulder before sliding a hand down to take the dagger from him. "Let me, Xander."

"It's instinctual," he sighed, looking at the blade. "How did I do that?"

"I don't know. Figure it out and tell us so we can see if we can do the same. It would be very handy in the field," Natasha said.

Xander grinned at her. "Find me a lover like you please? I know you're not into me but find me someone like you so I can date someone decent?"

She smirked a tiny bit, looking a bit evil. "I've eliminated most of them but I'll gladly look through the rest to find you someone better than most of yours have been." Clint sat down and put the dagger on the table. "And?" she asked him.

"He took his mentor's spot," he sneered.

She patted him on the wrist. "We will kill him for you."

Xander nodded. "I can do that. Or maybe have him eaten?"

"That's too mean and I want to beat him to death," Clint said. "But thanks, you two." He grinned. "It gives me warm fuzzies."

"I felt the same way when you stopped the demon invasion after my almost marriage," Xander quipped.

Willow walked over. "What are you talking about?"

"The first spouse, who had me hostage," Xander said. "A few demons broke in to take him out. Clint was tied up in the attic so he came down to help."

Clint nodded. "It was good cake. We had it for dinner once we looted the house and sent the survivors off."

"It was," Xander agreed. "His housekeeper was fantastic in the kitchen."

Willow stared at him. "You're serious?" she demanded.

"Yeah. He stole me and the slayer I was working with. He made me do a few days in his stripclub to show me off, and I did because he had my slayer hostage, but then he did get around to the forced marriage." Xander looked at Coulson. "What's it like without the drugs?"

"I haven't been married but I'd guess you'd be willing and happy to do that ceremony."

Xander nodded. "I guess I'd have to be." He looked at Stark then at Willow. "How did you get here?"

"Airplane."

"That's where the wards are short," Xander decided. "There's protections against anyone but the head group here using heavy magic. It might kill the hurricane protections if it's warped." She nodded once. "It moves them away from us and the rest of the island since we're on the atlantic side of it."

"How is that even possible?"

"From what I could tell, they built it like a wedge to break up the winds and high waves," Clint said.

She stared at him. "You don't do magic."

"No but I asked the people who did it."

"Oh." She looked at Xander. "When are you coming home?"

"I think I'm going to be doing my training down here since the last mage in residence's wives are still here. They have stuff they can teach me about control." She grimaced. "I clearly need it. The mages at the rite congratulated me for not glowing in the dark. Two of them said it took them years to get real control. I'm apparently ahead on that thanks to the shaman tutoring me in Africa. As for the training duties, I'm setting up a space down here to work with any of the girls that need my help. Any of them under eighteen won't be allowed in the resort but there's a house on the edge of town where we can work with them."

"It's still a lot of naked people," she complained.

"The town's mostly clothing necessary," Clint said. "It's only inside the resort that's clothing optional or forbidden."

"It's still wrong to be naked," she said.

"That depends on where and who raised you," Coulson said.

"We're from Sunnydale."

"There were four nudist resorts within thirty miles of Sunnydale, Willow. One of those short part-time jobs I had in high school was working at one of their spas delivering things." She gaped. He nodded. "Plenty of people enjoy being naked. Besides, there's not much difference from a string bikini like Buffy and some of the slayers wear, and fully naked."

"No, there's not, and a few of them need different styles to look as hot as they think they do," Clint said. "Especially Britney."

Xander nodded. "I told her she sagged in that thing. She pouted about having to wear one with structure. Especially since she was going somewhere that most women went topless on the beach."

"They do not!" Willow screeched.

"Most of Europe goes topless," Natasha said.

"Whole tribes in Africa go topless," Xander said. "For daily life."

She glared. "They're ...."

"You say that word you're thinking and you can unsink yourself from the ocean," Xander warned. "They're more civilized in some ways. They don't base how you judge a person on what they look like." She stomped off. He waved at her back. He felt the spell starting and got up, sprinting after her to stop her. Clint followed, tackling Willow when Xander was trying to struggle with her. That knocked her out and Clint nicely borrowed some handcuffs from one of the other patrons. They walked Willow off to lock her in a closet so they could call someone to handle her. One of the native witches dropped a spell on Xander as she walked past their table. Xander looked at it. "Will that hurt her when we need her help with an apocalypse battle?" he called after her.

"It can be changed. You can will the intent to change, Xander."

"How do I do that?" He got up to follow her to learn this new thing.

"If he can't bind her, she goes soon," Clint said, looking at Natasha.

"She is giving redheads everywhere a bad name," she agreed, sipping her iced tea.

"I think other witches are fed up with her too," Coulson said. He shook his head with a sigh. "That leaves a gap in the line for apocalypse battles. Dawn can't fill in."

"She shouldn't have to," Clint said. "There's the whole Devon Coven. Can't they fill in for Willow?"

"I have no idea."

"We can ask," Natasha said, calling the number she had gotten off the head witch during the last problem. "I am Agent Romanoff. We had a question. If Xander binds Willow to never use magic again, will it cause problems for upcoming apocalypse battles?" She listened. "I believe he should. She just tried to change humanity to suit herself again. She's here at the resort. She's very upset that people enjoy the sun on their bare skin." The witch complained at the others about losing Willow. "She said she flew. Ah, a memory charm again. Charming. Yes, that was what one of the local witches suggested. I will do that. Yes, he has his phone. Thank you." She hung up. "She'll call Xander to talk to him about the spell." Xander's phone rang underneath his seat but it disappeared after the first ring. "That's handy. I need that some days."

"If you want to learn magic, I don't think the director will do more than roll his eye," Coulson said. "He'd like to have some supernatural specialists on staff."

"Especially since Xander nearly had him eaten for going near some of his slayers," Clint quipped with a grin for Natasha. She smirked back.

"Don't remind me. He had everyone on the helicarrier sequenced so he could make sure no one had demon DNA," Coulson complained. "The three that did got moved to non-critical jobs until they sued for discrimination. One of them was one of the most decorated officers on the helicarrier. I believe Mr. Harris mailed Director Fury a dead frog for that move."

"He had made a move to interview one of the slayers in college about becoming an agent," Clint said. "It was a promise to turn Fury into the frog's mate. He is *certain* the director needs to leave all the slayers alone. Maybe we should give the director Willow?"

Stark burst out laughing. "Really?"

"Really," Coulson said, smiling at him. "It'd be an interesting bit of help but I doubt SHIELD could keep Willow in check. At least until she did the first wrong thing then they may leash train her."

"Rayne did turn her into a yappy Spaniel while Xander was in England," Clint said. "She was keeping up the neighbors by screeching about how they had been attacked and the girls had went hunting the problems."

"I remember that report. He had a nice laugh about that. Thought she should probably stay that way."

"Ditto," Clint said. Xander came back scowling. "She a dog?"

"I'm not allowed to fully bind her. It'll mean we lose an apocalypse battle in a few years." He sat down, still unhappy. "Giles is on his way to gather her. She's in a locked room in the spa getting magic detoxed. They're emptying her of all magic and then detoxing her body from anything evil in it."

"That sounds nasty," Natasha said.

"Yes, it is," Xander said. "Very nasty. I'm sorry she has to go through it but with the way she was.... I'm not sure she shouldn't be in a cell."

"What about turning her back into that yappy spaniel?" Clint suggested.

Xander stared at him. "Don't tempt me. I'll give her to one of the mini slayers as a pet." Clint burst out laughing. "Anastasia might love a pet. We had to have a talk with her about her and two of her friends running a raid on an animal shelter to steal all the animals. They adopted them out but they still stole them from the shelter. Down to the few guinea pigs they had taken from some kid."

Coulson looked at him. "PETA member?"

"No," Xander said. "Just really loves animals. She even knows that you eat cows and what real cows look like. Her mother took her to a meat farm to introduce that to her when she was about four. She patted a few cows and told them they were pretty and would make great steaks some day. She got talked to about how some places eat dogs and cats. She pouted about it and suggested we ship them cows and goats. She's the kid that'll stop you in the street to ask to pet your dog. I adore Anastasia, she's a great kid, but she's a little hellion about some things. She found one of the scrungiest Forenth's ever and tried to keep him as a pet. She forced him into the tub and scrubbed him until he was clean, brushed his pelt, put a nice ribbon collar on him. He begged her father to please kill him instead."

"Some day, that one will be a bane on the world," Coulson said. "I look forward to seeing that day."

Xander nodded. "Me too. At least she won't stop in the middle of training to pet things. We made sure during her preliminary fight training."

"How old is she?" Natasha asked.

"Twelve this year. So she'll move up from self-defense and escape to pre-battle training and tactics in the next two years. There's a few critical rites that could use a slayer that's just starting puberty so we're very cautious around that age. Like we are with the babies."

She nodded. "That's a good thing."

"It is. The girls are good girls for the most part. Now and then....." He grinned. "Buffy blames those moments on me."

"I should teach the girls how to play paintball," Clint said.

Xander grinned and nodded. "We have one team already but the rest need to learn. They consider it great fun to get back at the older girls for things like stealing their favorite clothes. Even better than getting them with demon slime."

Clint laughed. "That is fun. Especially if you use the stuff that stinks."

"One accidentally used the stuff that's like napalm on a girl that smokes but she's now healed and that one apologized for using the wrong sort of slime. She had planned to use the stuff that turned you bright orange."

Stark shook his head with a moan. "You guys are so weird."

"It's the job," Xander quipped. "When you deal with demons all day long, you have to deal with weird things."

"It does warp one," Natasha said. "I've straightened Clint out a few times. I thought I was going to have to after you two went on spring break."

"We did good for almost a month," Xander defended. "Then the amazons appeared on the beach that day. Before then we partied with some cute things." He grinned. "No one tried to keep either of us. Only one thought we were escorts this time, which beat the last time when most everyone thought we were boyfriends who took escort jobs. Two thought we were strippers." He grinned. "Then that night we had the slight robbery thing that we dealt with." Clint nodded. "Suddenly there were no more stripper rumors but the rich girls really liked Clint's gun holster. I think it saw more action than he did."

"I did not hear a thing about a robbery," Coulson said, staring at his agent. Who shrugged and grinned. "Should I have a report?"

"Nope, I wasn't working for SHIELD, sir." He grinned.

"Me either," Xander said. "I think I told one huffy thing that I worked for the goddess and she was waiting on me at home naked. It meant she quit glaring about being CIA and in my way."

Coulson looked at him. "Why was she there?"

"I think she was sucking up to the rich, limp cock but I'm not real sure."

"Mr. Hubert is that," Clint agreed. "Or was that. She might've killed him by now. Especially when I had to divert his attention from trying to feel up my ass."

Coulson took Natasha's phone to look up that name. He watched as both boys got up to get new drinks. "You had better run if that was you at the raceway," he called a minute later.

Xander blew a kiss. "I was being a good boy. They're the ones that made me do something about them."

"I was trying to get away from the middle aged woman who wanted to suck my tonsils out through the side of my throat," Clint complained. "I only realized there was something going on when it exploded."

"An explosion wasn't noted," Coulson said.

"It was in the parking lot," Stark said. "I was there with the Stark racing team and didn't realize anything was going on until half the parking lot exploded thanks to something trying to drill into a gas pipeline."

Xander walked behind him. "That wasn't the same thing. It was the guy that was going to interrupt the race by firing on the lead cars and taking anyone who survived the crash hostage. Paul, what happened? You're all blotchy. C'mon, let's get you to our nurse on staff. She can look that over and fix it."

"Aren't you married?" he pouted.

"I didn't attend any ceremony," he said dryly. "I got drugged and so did they so we screwed. Until I see a ring, I'm not married. We all agreed it was a simple sex rite and not a marriage." Paul grinned and kissed him. "Such a good boy. Let's get those treated before they look gross." He led him off.

Clint waved at their backs. "If you break him, Xander, you'll have to find their agency another break-in artist."

"I won't break him. He's very flexible." He grinned.

"Yes, I am," Paul cooed.

Natasha shook her head. "He's much more normal."

"Yup, he is," Clint said, coming back to sit down with his new cup of coffee. "That's the relaxed Xander I usually see." He and Natasha tracked the few people going to interrupt Xander and Paul. Well, one ended up rescuing Paul because he was begging for mercy by then but that was normal. Xander got worn out by his friends. It meant he was a happy, bouncy boy later.

***

Stark met up with the group for dinner, shaking his head. "I see Xander's finally calmed down?"

"That was him being a happy, sated boy," Clint said, smirking at him. He sat up straight. "Captain."

"I have a first name," he said but he was smiling. He sat down. "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be okay?"

"You got kidnaped."

"It's not the first time," he said. "It's been a nicer one than usual. There's been no torture."

Steve nodded. "That's always a bonus."

"You know this is a clothing very much frowned upon place, right?" Clint asked.

"We did have nudists back in the old days, they just had higher fences," Steve said dryly. "I'm not that sort of prude, Clint."

"Sure. I'll try to keep some of the most deadly off you." He glared at one coming over. "Must you?"

"I only wanted to gush on him. He's a hero to me. That's why I joined an agency and eventually ended up going freelance when my agency was full of assholes instead of people who were like him." She smiled. "You inspired a lot of us here, Captain. Thank you for all you did." She bounded off. "Clint's protecting him hard," she warned at one drooling person.

"Clint can't mind us gushing over his teammate. He's probably used to it with Stark and bimbos." He ran over to hug the Captain. "My father said if I ever met you to give you that because you freed his grandfather and uncle." He walked off looking cool and composed.

Clint looked over. "Brett, tell me you didn't bring work with you? I saw your name on the safe manifest. You know Xander's back here."

His eyes widened. "Shit."

"Yeah."

"Ooops. I'm handing it off tomorrow?" Clint pointed at Coulson. "He's on vacation."

"This is our handler." He grinned. "He's helping me with the paperwork stuff."

"Super shit." He grimaced. "I'll arrange it so you don't know, Clint. We don't want to break the peace treaty here or make Xander kill us. Or you, or your partner," he said with a nod at her, looking down as he scurried away.

She frowned. "When did he get here?"

"Earlier," Clint said dryly.

"I do hope he's not working," she called after him. "I do not want to ruin my bikinis by getting your blood on me." She sat down, looking at the new person at the table. "When did you get here?"

"I flew in with that guy. Apparently he didn't recognize me then."

"It's safe here so he can go into fangirl squealing," Clint said. He looked around. "No Xander." He called him. "You may not skip meals," he said firmly. He listened. "Why did they drag you to the club? Oh, your almost fourth spouse is here. Tell him he can tempt you with gun cleaning time later, Xander. That I'm making you eat with me and my teammates." He hung up. He looked at Natasha. "One of your former coworkers, Stephan?"

"I remember him," she said.

"He stalked Xander around Cairo for a few days, got fixated. Tried to snatch him but Xander avoided it without realizing it until the mushy, creepy notes started to come. He emailed me a few to see how he should answer them. They seriously screwed up his mind because he thought the entrails of Xander's enemies was *sweet*."

"It's not a gift I adore getting but I would appreciate the lack of work," she said. "He's here?" Clint nodded. "I'll have to finish off my last attempt to kill him later." Her eyes glazed over and she got up. Coulson took her off before she could make it to the ocean.

"The protections on the resort will make you walk into the ocean until you drown if you try to break the non-peacefulness part of it," Clint told them. "Only Xander might be immune. This is the second time Natasha's gotten hit. Coulson got hit for wanting to arrest someone."

Steve Rogers nodded. "That's weird but nice I guess. Means that it's a really safe place to relax and unwind."

"It is." Clint looked around. "That's one of the spa's people." She walked over. "Big problems?"

"Few problems. What are you doing about Xander?"

"Right now, he's having fun with an ex." Clint stared at her. "Since we didn't *agree* to be part of that rite, we've decided it was like we got drunk and did something in a dorm." She grimaced, but her eyes were furious. "Especially since you nearly drove Xander to never talk to anyone ever again for hating himself." She nodded, backing off. "If he wants us, he's more than capable of flirting. He's done it to me a few times when he was drunk after huge incidences."

"Fine. It will help him get control faster."

"Or it could cost him all his control since he'll hate himself for hurting others," Clint said more firmly. "Because someone drugged us all." He stared at her. "I'd guess not being happy with yourself would hinder getting control."

"It would," she said. "It was necessary to ground him."

"Then you could've *asked*." She slumped but nodded, walking off. "Sorry, guys."

"What happened?" Steve asked.

"We have no idea," Clint admitted. "We were all drugged by the former owner's wives after Xander broke out in magic. Including Xander. All we know is we woke up after some fairly enthusiastic sex." Steve stared at him, mouth slightly open. "We all calmed down each other and talked about it. To us, we were lit in a dorm room and did something stupid. That's all it's going to be. Unless one of us wants to make it more." Clint saw Xander's boyfriend come stomping out. "What happened?" he complained quietly. The arms dealer looked over then stomped over to glare at him. "What? Is he have PTSD to the witches doing a rite?"

"They did what?"

"We have no idea. We woke up there."

"That's probably why. He got some sort of flash or vision and went to hide in the bathroom to get sick."

"It's probably normal," Clint agreed. "I'll talk to him when he comes out."

"How often is this going to happen?"

"Those of us who like Xander as more than a convenient, fun hole can handle it. Don't worry." Philip stomped off again. "Let me go talk to him." He got up, heading inside. He found Xander in his room curled up in a tiny ball between the bed and the wall. "Hey." Xander moaned, covering his head with the pillow he pulled down. Clint removed it to stare at him. "It wasn't your fault."

"It was. They did it because of me."

"Still not your fault. It's like Willow doing a spell that hurt you. Who would they blame?"
Xander snorted, not looking at him. "Me. Same as usual."

"Fuck that," Clint said, pulling him up. He stared at him. "Shit like this only usually happens in Vegas."

"I didn't know there were ritual altars there."

"There was one here?"

He nodded. "I saw it."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"I'm going to make sure it wasn't the witches. One of them tried to get judgmental on you about not screwing us." Xander shook his head. "You don't want to?" he asked with a teasing grin.

"Shut up."

"Fine. Come eat." Xander went to get sick. "I'm hoping that's not morning sickness."

"Not. Funny!"

"With some witches, it might be possible," he quipped, heading for the bathroom. He opened the door, staring at Xander. "You okay?"

"Nope."

"I have those same thoughts."

"Then why isn't it making you sick?" He looked up at him.

"Different conditioning." He helped him up. "We all agreed it was a bad thing that we didn't do or have any part in." Xander nodded. "I'm going to have someone talk to the witches to make sure it's not a problem they caused. I already talked to one about how you could come flirt if you wanted us for real." He walked him out to the table, letting Xander get something soothing. Clint's food was waiting on him. "Thanks, Marina."

"Welcome, Clint." She looked at Xander. "I can get you something more substantial."

"I'm not really in the mood to eat," he said.

"Fine. Even though you need more energy for things."

Clint stared at her. "I thought it was just the ladies at the spa?"

She snorted, but smiled at him. "Half of us at the resort were in a relationship of some kind with the old owner, Clint." She strolled off.

Xander looked at him, shrugging some. "I don't know. No one gave me a list."

"Me either." Natasha and Coulson came out together. "You good, Nat?"

"I'm fine." She sat down and her dinner was brought out. "Thank you, Mirana."

"Welcome, ma'am." She walked off again after refilling water glasses.

"She was in a relationship with the old owner too," Clint said. "Apparently half the staff were."

She stuffed her mouth, staring at him. She chewed and swallowed. "Why?" Xander got up and walked off again, going to be sick. "Still?" She ate another bite. Clint nodded. "We will help him through those things."

"I made a joke about morning sickness."

She paused, staring at him. "I wouldn't put it past Rosenburg but I don't think the ones here are *that* unethical."

"Don't know."

"They don't seem very good," Stark said.

"They thought they were helping and they begged for their lives," Clint said.

"I'm wondering how many were involved in that," Natasha said.

"I've found security footage," Coulson said. "Only the ones at the spa." They both nodded. "What happened earlier? His paramour looked pissed off."

"We've got to talk to them since Xander got a flash of what happened," Clint said.

"I can do that after dinner," Natasha said. They all looked up. "Xander just left or was taken." She ate a bite. Clint sent Xander a message. He didn't get one back. "Nothing?"

"Not yet." He stared at his phone as he ate. He'd help Xander again later.

***

Sixteen days later, Clint touched down the helicopter, getting out and walking over to where the battle had been. "It sucks huge when I have to find out where you are thanks to CNN." Xander looked up from his poking the fire with a stick. "Why didn't you answer?"

"Because you don't need me around. They'll probably try it again."

Clint stared at him. "Natasha nearly killed them. That flash was them trying to teach you to be monogamous. They had a talk about reality." He took the stick from him and tossed it into the fire. "C'mon, we're going back on vacation." Xander frowned at him. "We are. I'm still off missions."

"Why?"

"Because I got brainwashed and the officials can't decide if it means I'm a future danger. Even with you banishing it all."

"I don't think you are."

"I shouldn't be anyway." He hauled Xander up. "How did you get here?"

"I ..."

"You ran because you were still upset with yourself?" Xander nodded, looking around then at him. "Did it help?"

"I found control. They were trying to overload me so I could have a storehouse of energy."

"You don't need that. You can pull it up when things happen."

"That was my feeling," he said quietly. He looked around again. Clint made him look at him. He still wouldn't meet his eyes. "I..."

"You're still mentally angsting over it. We all wish it hadn't happened, Xander. If I was going to pounce you into bed, I wanted to remember it and it be because I decided to go gay." Xander moaned, shaking his head as he looked down. Clint forced his chin up again. "None of us blame you. You're as much a victim of them as we were. Even if they did it to try to help you." Xander slumped, nodding. "Now, let's go."

"I... I need to be here." He looked at him. "I can do good things here."

"You can do good things at home." A new demon appeared and Xander grabbed his axe before lunging at it. Clint shot it and killed it. Xander stared at him. "I'm good at it." He grinned. "Get your things and let's go somewhere that has running water."

"I don't fit in there, Clint. I'm always self conscious and worried about things like innocent targets. Now even more with the magic stuff."

Clint shrugged. "We all worry about that. People come for guys like me. It's still nicer if you have running water."

"I don't mind bathing in a stream."

"I do. So let's go?" Xander shook his head. Clint sighed, getting his bag and coming back. "Fine."

Xander stared at him. "I can work on my control alone."

"You're not allowed to be alone. You do stupid things." Xander scowled. "You do." He built up the fire and pulled out stuff to eat. Xander sighed but sat down to eat with him. He could sneak off later.

***

Clint caught up to Xander and followed him around until Xander finally heaved a sigh and turned to glare at him. "Friends follow each other into battles." Xander glared. "We do. You have in the past."

"I'm not like that anymore."

"Bullshit." He moved closer. "You are. You're just ignoring it behind this trauma and the new cover identity." He stared at him. "Friends don't let each other down. So if I have to I'll follow you until you realize that it didn't break our friendship." He stared at him. "Got it?"

Xander shook his head. "No. I don't. I don't understand how you can even look at me."

"It's not hard. You're cute. Need a shave though." Xander snorted, walking off again. Clint followed. Of course someone decided to grab Xander, and got their ass handed to them before Clint could step in. Then they kept moving. Even when Xander ran into one of the shaman that had trained him, on purpose, and they went to talk. Clint guarded them. Ward had picked up the helicopter so it wasn't just sitting in the middle of the African plains. It'd be okay.

***

Clint looked up from sharpening his knives when a delicate cough sounded behind him. "Hey, May. Sit down?" He waved the knife at a log.

"Why are you here?"

"Helping Xander deal with things. Right now he's got an infection from his new special tattoo. Mostly because of the demon snot because one attacked him during it."

She sat on the log, staring at Xander's tent then at him. "People are wondering what's going on. We've heard reports of some sort of warlord wannabe."

"No, Xander took him out last week."

"He...he can do that?"

"Yeah." Clint looked at her. "What do you think happens when a slayer gets kidnaped?"

"I thought they had a special response team, the same as we do."

"They do, his name is Xander. Even if most of the slayers don't realize it."

She groaned, looking at the tent then at him. "So you're helping him?"

"No, I'm following him around because he's not listening." She stared. "It's guilt, May. I'm sure you've seen it before."

"I have. I also had a talk with one of those witches when they showed up to nag me that I needed time with Xander. I was really blunt and she walked off crying. I'm proud I let her walk off."

"Me too," Clint said. "I didn't let one of them walk off when she tried that with me." He smirked. "Xander just glared then shrugged and said at least it wasn't a bad idea."

"How long have you been doing this?"

"Four months next Tuesday."

She stared at him. "You've been traipsing around Africa for four months?" He was scruffy and looked like it had been a few days since a shower but he didn't look like four months of hard living.

"It's not my first trip here." He grinned. "I even got Xander to help me with a few things."

"Are you training him as an agent?"

"No, he's making the world safer for his slayers." Xander grunted. "It's just Agent May, Xander. Go back to sleep." They saw the tent shift as he flipped over against one wall then he went silent. Clint looked in there then sat back down. "He didn't leave."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. He managed to turn himself into a little monkey last week. He's doing it again. It's the infection."

She nodded once. "Okay." She stood up. "You should call in."

"The Director told me there's no need for me to be around until they decide I'm not compromised."

"I think they figured that out last month when things were going on."

"I have my cell. No calls."

"I'll remind them of that." She looked at the tent. "Are you sure he's still there?" Clint reached in to gently grab the monkey so he could curl up on his lap for petting time. "He's...cute." She shook her head. "Let me know if you need help." She walked off.

"If you're looking for that guy that got the orphanage, he's gone," Clint called.

"No, we weren't. We have bigger fish to fry than that."

"Sure, but we got the rest of his rebel band too." She stared at him. He grinned, petting Xander.

"Tell Coulson just in case?"

"I've emailed him progress reports. If he hasn't gotten them that's not my fault."

"I'll let him know that." She got back into her rental jeep and drove off.

Clint looked down at the Xander monkey. "It's nice she's defrosted some." He went back to petting the tiny monkey. Xander was really cute like this.

***

May walked onto the plane, looking at her handler. "Coulson, Barton said he's been emailing you reports. If you haven't gotten them, it's not his fault. He also mentioned a rebel band they took out."

He stared at her. "That doesn't shock me. Xander's done a few of those himself when they were bothering slayers." He got into his official email. Nothing. "I need to see where they were diverted to." He looked to his left and the woman in the guest chair reading a book in Chinese. "Natasha?"

"They're now in your backup, blind email account. I left Agent Hill a nice note about her not getting them before you, that was outside protocol. I suggested she share the book of protocol with the brunette with red tips that is not worthy of the sneering she puts out." She turned the page. "Is Xander better?"

"No. He managed to turn himself into a tiny monkey Clint was petting. Barton said he had a slight infection from his new tattoos because a demon attacked during it."

Coulson nodded. "Things like that happen around those two." Natasha let out a tiny laugh but didn't lower the book any. "We should check on them. He'll tell you how things really are."

"I have talked to him many times," she said, lowering the book to look at him. "He's making progress but Xander still blames himself. He's working on it. They've had a few shouting matches over it but have worked some things out."

"Good," Coulson agreed. "How much longer do you think it'll take? The Director isn't patient."

"Barton said he had his cellphone and no one's called him in," May said. "That he was sure they had decided he was compromised."

"I'll be fixing that as well," Coulson said. He got into that other email, looking over the latest few to make sure their mission hadn't changed. It had, new people were in charge. "Xander blew up our target for trying to get one of the mini slayers. Interesting."

"What did he use?" Natasha asked.

"TNT, homemade." He flipped back through the others to skim them. "They're on their third set of leaders. Good. Means it's easier."

May stepped around to read them, looking shocked. "How did two people do that?"

"It's Clint and Xander," Natasha said with a shrug. "Clint and I do a lot of damage when we have to. Those two do it more often, but they're men so they're like that." Coulson shot her a dirty look. She smiled back.

"Are we sure Barton's not training him to be an agent?" May asked.

"The Director would never allow it," Coulson said. "Xander's a wildcard in many ways. They've made peace, slightly, but they aren't fond of each other. It's basically like two armies making a peace treaty to attack their mutual enemy."

"What if they run out of enemies?"

"There's always many enemies waiting in the shadows," Natasha said. "We'll never be done. Neither will the Council." She went back to her book.

"I don't think there'll ever be a time without some demon with a plan, or some terrorist with a plan," Coulson agreed. Ward walked in. "You look bad. Are you sick?"

"Fitz got me with something he was spraying. He assured me I won't get sick, it was special cleaning stuff." He took some tissues to blow his nose on. "Agent Romanoff?" She looked up. "Did you want to put your gear up?"

"I already have, Agent Ward." She smiled. "We're used to billeting very quickly and efficiently so we don't have too much lag time on assignments."

"That's good. Any word on your partner?"

"He's following Xander around to help him."

Ward nodded. "I've seen his style once in the past. I was a bit horrified but it was good he could take out the group that demanded he be handed over."

Coulson stared at him. "How many were there?"

"Probably in the teens but I didn't get an accurate count due to them being in pieces thanks to the artillery Xander found and used."

Coulson nodded. "Good. It's good he's that good." He went back to the reports. "Our next mission is listed as being dead. I need to verify that. He tried to take Xander hostage but Clint got him. Then Xander got his house." He frowned but cleared it up. "I'm wondering where his weapons went."

"No telling but I'm guessing Cleveland, sir," Ward said.

"Quite possibly. We really do have to give them a better armory master." He clicked to the next one, laughing. "They're the ones that took out that biogerm lab. Xander was offended when they came to sample his blood."

"Wonderful," Natasha said. "I'm glad he could."

"Us too," Coulson said. "Clint said he had a sprained ankle. Xander snuck off after them. They had driven them off but Xander was sure they'd try again so he handled it. Made quite a mess." He checked the next one, nodding. "We really have to get better intel sharing."

"If you ask, Clint would tell you," Natasha reminded him. "Xander may not tell you everything but Clint knows how to report to you."

"If this isn't solved soon, I'll go personally check on them," Coulson said. He got back to the current mission's information. "Skye?" he called. She walked in. "Find this." He handed her a name. "They're the leader of the group we're going after for having alien technology."

She nodded, walking off to get into her computer to do that. She'd wonder about the agents mentioned in the file later. One looked familiar but she wasn't sure from where.

***

Six weeks later, Coulson walked up to where the boys were camped, sitting down across from them. "Clint, your phone does not work."

"Yes it does. I called on it yesterday to check in with 'Tasha, sir." He smiled. "It also takes text messages and voicemail."

"Certain elements within SHIELD have been screening things. I asked and she said you weren't needed. Fury had a polite fit." Xander snorted. He looked at him. "For the director it was." He stared at him. "Are you ready to head back to civilization?"

"No. Because I don't want to risk myself around people. People are a major problem for me."

"There's a battle in a week."

"I heard. Buffy said she didn't need me."

"She's lying," Coulson said.

"I know. I did the battle plans for her." He grinned a tiny bit. "She's like that in case you hadn't noticed. Even having gifts doesn't take me out of the realm of 'normal guy'."

"Clearly no one's told them anything about what you've been doing for the last six months," he said. He looked at Clint. "The Director had not seen those files. He was not amused."

Clint shrugged. "I don't live for his amusement. He's lost my trust."

"I don't like hearing that. Have the rest of us?"

"Not you," Clint said.

Coulson nodded. "Sometimes the administration has different priorities than those of us in the field. We need you back."

"You can have him," Xander said.

"The girls still need you."

"I'll show up to help them," Xander said, staring at him. "Even if they do bitch."

"They underestimate you."

"They always have." He shrugged. "It comes under the heading of being their normal guy."

"I don't think you've been the average american male since you were sixteen," Coulson said. Xander smiled at him. "You could come in."

"No I can't," he said, losing that smile. "I can't handle people. It's safer if I don't need to handle people."

"Have you made sure it's your control slipping and not your temper or just a worry?" Coulson asked. Xander stared at him. "It could all be in your mind."

"Until the next higher demon shows up to test himself against me." He looked at Clint. "He had to get some tattooing redone."

"I did," he agreed. "It's only happened twice." He looked at Coulson. "It's a minor worry that he's blown up."

"That's reasonable." He stared at Xander. "We can help."

"I'm good. I'm better here."

"The resort's coven said you had to reappear sometime soon to redo the protections," Coulson said. "That you can't do them from a distance."

"I've already done them. I popped over for a night. Then I slept for the next two days."

Coulson nodded. "Good job avoiding the conflict." He stared at him. "What are your long term plans?"

"I don't make long term plans. Anytime I do they get interrupted. I haven't had any plans since my roadtrip."

"We should go somewhere to celebrate your birthday," Clint said.

"I was planning on heading to the coast to do that." He looked at him. "You can send me a card from somewhere."

Clint shook his head. "Nope. I'm not leaving while you're in this state." Xander huffed. He looked at Coulson. "He's tried to leave me behind a few times."

"You're more stubborn than almost anyone I know," Coulson said. "I doubt that would work." He looked at Xander again. "Come in for a while? Mr. Giles is worried about you and keeps asking our director for any information on you."

Xander shrugged. "I'm fine. You can tell him that. Or that I'm good enough and I don't want to deal with the bitches or possibly get one of the slayers hurt. Then assure him I have control of my magic when he goes off on that."

"I can do that but it would be better if you two talked in person." Xander shrugged. "What happens if the battle's bigger than you think it will be?"

"I'll be there helping. The girls might not like it but I will be." Coulson nodded. "You can take Clint though. I'm good. I'm on an even mental footing again." Clint stared at him. "I am."

"Shut up, Xander."

"You're needed. The world needs hero guys who little kids can look up to and say 'I want to be like him'." He stared at him. "I make them have nightmares and you make them think good thoughts of humanity going on. They need that. There's too much darkness in today's world."

"There is," Coulson agreed. "Especially after Thor's people had their alignment issue. I still want to see their God of Cleaning Up." He looked at Clint, who was grinning. "They have to have one."

"Probably. We can ask the next time I run into the big, blond guy."

"He's in London with Jane Foster." Clint stared. Coulson nodded. "He gave up Asgard until she passes over."

"Huh. That's love."

Xander stared at him. "I thought we were just friends." Clint glared at him. "You're giving up your life to follow me around."

"Shut up, Xander. You're cuddly but until you flirt with me I'm not going to have sex with you. Big difference between me and Thor. I love you but not that way." Xander smirked back. "Asshole."

"Often," he agreed. "That's one of the fonder names I've been called recently." He sipped his boiled water with tea leaves. "You can have him if you need him, Coulson. I'm good enough."

"No you're not," Coulson said. "You should both come in for the battle." He stared at him. "You're the same sort of heroic figure for the slayers, Xander."

"Not since I found magic. Since then it's been about that. Plus warning the girls in case I get an itch." He finished his tea.

Clint nodded. "We talked to the one about three days driving back. Buffy had told her about that and why mages had multiple spouses. Xander laughed when she wondered about that. We had to straighten out a lot of problems."

"How many think you're sleeping together?" Coulson asked.

"Partners but not sex buddies. This is Africa. They don't automatically go to gay thoughts like the US does when they see two buddies out together." He looked at Xander. "We can go have a steak."

"I told you to kill the cow they offered us," he said.

Clint rolled his eyes, looking at Coulson, who shook his head but was smiling. "Yeah, it's been that way recently."

Xander winced, holding his head. "Sure, I can handle that." He got up, going to pack things. "Coulson, there's a huge demon about eighty miles away. Take Clint, I'll go kill it. We'll meet up after his thing is done."

"What part of hell no don't you get?" Clint said firmly. Xander ignored him. He looked at his handler. "He's more stubborn than Nat."

"She was worried she'd find you being some guerilla warfare figure soon." He stared at him. "Go after him. I'll shut down the fire." Clint hopped up to take down things to put into the jeep they had found. Coulson killed the fire, handing Clint the food that had been cooking in the embers. Once the boys were gone he got into is own truck and drove off. He followed them to see what was going on.

***

Six days later, Xander limped into a native clinic he had heard had good doctors, carrying Clint on his back. "He got stabbed by a poison claw," he told the nurse. "I'm with the Watchers Council. He needs an anti-venom." She ran into the back. She came back with one of the doctors. "Hey. He got stabbed by a poisoned claw. He needs an anti-venom."

"Put him on the table," the doctor ordered. He winced at the wound. "Have you cleaned it?"

"Yes, twice." He pointed. "That's a poison sac and it'll have to be removed without bursting it. I don't have the field medic skills to do that."

"I can do that," the doctor said. Another doctor stomped in, the nurse having called him about two guys who spoke English. "She said you're a watcher?"

"Yes. New Council but yes. I've trained a bunch of the slayers on the continent."

"That's good. Are you injured?"

"I'm good. Mine are minor scratches."

"Get on the table," the other doctor ordered. He looked at the first guy then at this new one. Xander started to protest. "Get on the table, Harris. Before I tell the others."

"I'm good. I only need to clean mine. Work on Clint, please."

"Unless these new powers of yours give you a self-healing gift don't piss me off," he warned, staring at him. "You're the single biggest subject of talk on the server the Avengers keep thanks to Stark. Table. Now." He pointed. Xander sighed but hopped up there. "What's wrong with Clint?"

"Poisoned claw. You need to take the poison sac out without busting it. I'm not that good of a field medic. I've read the books on how to do minor surgeries but that takes a delicate touch and more than a few supplies. The anti-venom is available through Giles."

"We can send for some." He checked Xander over. "Nice tattoo work."

"Thank you. The shaman I trained with finished them for me. They also redid Clint's when his got broken."

"Anything we should know about his new artwork that might be a problem? Special inks..."

"Yes, but it's magical in nature. They're well set and healed."

"Good to know." They got Clint to surgery to take out that poison sac. They came back to find Xander treating his scrapes. Dr. Banner moved closer to do that for him. "Are you a doctor?"

"No, but I learned from a former friend's mother's medical textbooks as a kid. Someone had to do my stitches." He shrugged. "I'm pretty good up to minor surgeries to remove things like bullets."

"There's things beyond the books that you need to learn."

"No, those I learned from experience." Banner glared at him. "I did. You can ask Clint."

"Fine." He finished his check. "The anti-venom was delivered while he was in surgery. Did he get hit on the head?"

"He went flying thanks to the demon with the claws. I've been waking him up every three hours. You guys weren't the closest clinic but you were the better one. The other two had nuns who hate the Council and demons. I asked one to look at the poison sac and they refused because it was from a demon."

"I've seen some of those," Banner said. He stared at him. "Stark told us about you."

"Did he ask my former friends or did he ask others?"

"I have no idea who he asked. Though Natasha has corrected him a few times."

"She's a nice lady." He grinned. "And hell on the topless beach too." Banner gave him a dirty look. "We were at a mostly nude resort."

"I've only heard a tiny bit about that." He patted him on the arm, seeing the wince. "Stitches hurt?"

"Time for advil." He looked in his pack, pulling out a package of tea mix. "Can I bum some hot water?"

"Is that an herbal painkiller?"

"Yup. One of the shaman I trained under taught me to make it. He's really good at potions."

"Interesting. How well does it work?"

"Higher level advil."

"I'll get you some water." He went to do that, bringing back the steaming cup. Xander poured some in and swirled it with a finger before drinking it. "We're going to have Clint resting all night."

"That's fine. I can go find a room or something."

"You could stay. He's going to be mad if you drop him off and head to a hotel."

"Nah. You're a teammate and a friend. It'll do good for him to talk to you." He grinned, hopping up and grabbing his pack. The herbs got put back into the pocket. "Thank you, Dr. Banner. Have a good talk with Clint." He walked off, taking his jeep off once Clint's pack was with the nurse. Now he didn't have to worry about hurting Clint or him getting hurt because of a demon coming for him. Clint was in good, friendly hands.

Banner went to check on Clint. He wasn't exactly sedated but he wasn't really awake and chatty yet. He sat with him until he woke up around three in the morning. "Morning."

"Banner," he said, holding his head. "Where am I?"

"The clinic I'm working in. Xander brought you in to get you treated for the demonic poison."

Clint looked at him. "Did Xander hike off?"

"He said he'd be getting a hotel room or something."

"Yeah, that 'or something' is him running away." He sat up with a groan, holding his side. "Damn."

"You're not going back into the field for at least a week, until that seals." He stared at him. "Don't make me tell Natasha. She's been working with Rogers."

"That's good. They can support each other." He looked at his side then at him. "Am I missing anything?"

"Just one demon poison sac."

"Great." He nodded. "I'm going to beat Xander to death."

"For getting you injured?"

Clint stared at him, shaking his head. "NO!" He snorted. "For running away. That's why we've been working together, he's been shying away from people." He stretched and winced. "Four days."

"Totally sealed," Banner corrected. "Not just mostly sealed." Clint sighed but nodded. "Stark's set up a bulletin board."

"I've ghosted on it a few times. Laughed and told Xander what they were complaining about."

"He seems...different."

"That's mostly that he's not comfortable around people any more." He waved his arms around, nodding. "That's better at least. Thanks, Doc."

"Welcome. You're still staying until you're healed."

"Unless Xander needs me." He stared at him. "We've been handling some bigger problems we've run into. Like a hell goddess' temple last week." Banner stared at him, mouth open. "She wanted to flirt with me, Doc! Hell yes she went down."

"Uh-huh. Do others know about this?"

"I send reports to Coulson."

"Huh. Okay." He stood up. "Lay back down." Clint sighed but did that. "Thank you." He tucked him in and went to his own cot in the back room. He emailed Stark from his phone. Stark, so not amused.

***

Clint woke up a few days later when someone touched his arm. "Bert?"

"What did you do to Xander?"

"Not a damn thing beyond making him talk about stuff."

"We heard about the thing at the resort."

"They made it happen, it wasn't us being happy."

"I knew that. We all found that out. Did you know Xander was off handling things again?"

"What did he blow up this time?"

"Two former boyfriends' compounds." He grimaced. "He's turning evil."

"He wasn't when he got me here."

"Then maybe you're evil-be-gone, Barton. We don't really care but you need to stop him before he gets to Hubert's compound. Hubert won't let him take him out. He's already paranoid about Xander coming."

"Crap."

"Basically." He helped him up. "You can use my 'copter to get there. Please stop him before he takes out the rest of us. We know he's in a foul mood thanks to whatever the slayers did this time."

"That happens fairly often," he said. "Thanks for the loaner."

"Welcome. Just stop him before we have new people who want to take over." Clint nodded, grabbing his pack from the corner and sneaking out with Bert. The helicopter was on the edge of town. A map of where Xander was waited on him. That was handy. He took off and flew after the goofy kid before he needed an exorcism or something.

Too late on that one compound but Xander was at the one up the road who had been hoarding wild animals.

Xander looked up as the helicopter landed, shaking his head and killing the beast in front of him. "Shouldn't you be letting your teammate buy you a beer?"

"Probably. What's going on?" He shot the two animals trying to attack. "Xander?"

"Stopping a zombie epidemic. We had a rogue witch recalling the dead."

"Is that why you blew up three boyfriends?"

"Yup. The mage took them out first then revived them to have slaves." They ended up surrounded by zombie animals but they could handle those odds and Xander could blow them up too. Then they searched the compound and blew it up. Xander hunted the witch down to his hut out back. They screamed and tried to run but Clint got them. Xander found what he had been doing and stopped the spell then looked at the ruins. "Not too bad. We need to check the locals. One of them told me about the unliving walking person. I don't want to have to burn this area to the soil." He rubbed his eye.

Clint made Xander look at him. "I would've helped."

"You're injured."

"So? You're not?" he shot back. He walked Xander back to the jeep, taking the keys so he could drive them to the local village. They had already gathered all the walking undead. Xander burned the hut they were trapped in and they were at peace again. The local sheriff called the others to talk to them. They had a nice call with everyone within the circle of damage. Once they were sure it was all cleaned up, Clint drove the jeep back to the helicopter, had it hooked up to tow it in the air, and made Xander get in so they could go somewhere and rest. Bert could find his own helicopter once they were done with it.

***

Fury showed up at the hotel Clint had chosen, staring at them once Clint let him in. "Zombies?" he demanded.

"Yup," Xander said, not looking up from his knife sharpening. "Had to be handled."

"You're warped, Xander," Clint said. Xander scowled at him. "No one else would go 'zombies, let's burn them' and then not have nightmares about turning."

"I have nightmares about worse stuff. Like the mayor. Because we have someone doing an ascension rite soon. I need to be in Cava Township." Clint stared. Xander grinned. "Immortal for his last hundred days. The eclipse is in three. I only heard last week."

"Fuck," Clint said. "Let the agents handle it."

"He's got nearly everyone there dirty and one of the slayers is near there. So no. You can go home if the growling one needs you."

Clint looked at Fury. "See what I put up with?"

"I would've dumped him as a friend."

"I'm not that shallow and he's trying to protect me. The same as Buffy used to do to him."

"Take that back! I'm not trying to make you feel helpless because you're normal!" He stood up, getting into Clint's face. "I'm trying to let you go back to the important thing you do, that jobby job thing you have. That way you can save others."

"You're important enough to save," Clint said firmly.

Xander looked hurt. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"That's not why I've been with you, Xander," he sighed. "I've been traveling with you because you needed the help and the company. I like you. You're a good friend. This is what friends do."

"You're going strange, emo places. Did you get an infection in that cut?" He looked at his side.

"No!" He looked at Fury then at Xander. He grabbed Xander's hands and forced them to his side so Xander had to pay attention. "I'm with you because you need me. That's what friends do. You'd come help me if I was in the depressed and upset state you were in when you came down here. Right?" Xander nodded. "That's the only reason I'm here. I like to spend time with you and you needed me here." He hugged him. "I'll go back to SHIELD if they need me but you're coming with me."

"I can't stand to be around people, Clint. We've been run out of three villages because we got attacked by something. Being around people is bad."

"Shut up, Xander."

"No!" He pulled back. "It's dangerous for me to be around people."

"Xander, I'm going to go kill more of your potential dating pool. Wouldn't you like to meet them before I get there?"

"Not like I've been dating."

Clint sighed. "I know. I know why. It's wrong but I know why." Xander scowled. "Fine, we'll work this out in a more civilized location. Where there's a huge hot water heater. I'm pretty sure Stark has one."

"Why would I go near your teammates?"

"Because you're coming with me."

"I'm needed to handle stuff here. Where there's less people to be endangered."

Fury looked up then at Clint. "You're being recalled in two days. You're needed in New York."

"Yes, sir." Fury stomped off. "See, New York is a great place to visit." He grinned. Xander stared at him. "I don't really care, Xander. Pack, let's go."

"No. You're going. I have no reason to go where there's that many potential targets." He flopped down on the couch. "I have to go handle Sydny's new auction anyway."

"No."

"That's not your decision. You have to go back to work." He stared at him. "I'm doing my job and you're doing yours."

"You're a frustrating prick, Xander."

"It happens," he shot back.

"Uh-huh. You're coming with me. I might need your help."

"Then you'll call and I'll hop over then come back."

Clint rolled his eyes, stomping off to pack them both up. He and Xander went to dinner in the marketplace like usual, then they went to bed so they could leave in the morning. Xander used a tiny sleep spell to knock Clint down so he could sneak out and into the jeep. Clint would wake up refreshed in the morning so he could fly back home.

***

Four days later, Xander was looking at his newest battle's aftermath, looking pleased with how efficient he was, when he felt a pinch on his neck. He grabbed it as he fell.

Ward picked him up and took him to the jeep, driving him off once he made sure he had all the weapons in the jeep. The mobile command plane was at the local airport waiting on them. He drove up and parked the jeep, getting out to tie it down. Coulson came down to smirk at Xander. "I darted him with the new flying zapper."

"That's a good test." They got Xander to a bunk and left him there to sleep. Though Coulson was nearby so Xander wouldn't panic when he woke up. Xander flinched awake just about dinner time, staring around. "You really did piss Clint off," he said, still reading. Natasha had taught him that trick. "He's very mad at you and said we could use you to handle a few problem cases we have going on, Xander." He turned the page. "You're on our command plane. The jeep is in the cargo bay. We have shielded it against magic. Your to-do list was handed over to agents working in the area so they could finish it off." He looked over, staring at him. "Go back to sleep. You need rest." He went back to reading.

"Did the evil, other one-eyed fuck send you?"

"No. Natasha did. You pissed off Clint and she said that's her job." He smiled. "We could use the help anyway."

Xander sat up, staring at him. "Things have been coming to attack me."

"I've heard. I've read all the reports Clint sent in and I've talked to the three ex's of yours that we've arrested recently. We've even let them tell us what you were doing." He closed the book, staring at him. "Some of that should have been reported."

"Not my job, talk to Clint."

"I have. He was embarrassed and tried to hide from Natasha beating him to death for taking on a hell goddess with just you."

"I took on one by myself."

"I heard." He smiled again. "Very good of you to handle it. Even if you did spend the next two days doing healing spells." He stared at him. "We could use the help anyway."

"Fine. But if something comes...."

"We'll handle it and then go back to the primary mission."

"I don't do good around people."

"I'm used to reclusive personalities. Natasha didn't talk to anyone for four months when we brought her into SHIELD." He stared at him. "Skye will try to chat you up. She's friendly that way." Xander shrugged. "Ward's here. He was partially trained by Clint."

"That's good."

"Agent May is here as well. She's flying though so she won't bother you too often." Xander nodded. "We have two scientists on board who might want to bother you about magic versus science."

"We have a book on that."

"I'll have to ask Mr. Giles for it when I tell him you're still alive. He was under the impression that you're still at the resort learning to harness your new gifts."

"No, I had to leave before something bad got started." He shifted. "You could've asked."

"It was us or Natasha, Xander, and she was going to beat you to death then tell you to help us."

"I don't play like that," he said dryly. "None of my ex's got to beat me and if friends do that I beat them back."

"I would like to test your sparring ability. She's a good test as she's on par with a slayer." Xander gave him a strange look. "She is."

"Uh-huh. You're ...you're doing weird plans right?"

"No." He opened his book back up. "I did forward Clint's reports to Mr. Giles so he could have an accurate view of what you've been handling. I think he choked a bit on that temple's report."

Xander glared. "If you're going to punish me, just do it."

"I'm not." He put the book down. "I think you're doing a great job of that on yourself. You're here because I need the skills you have for a few weeks." Xander looked down, nodding. "This is usually considered one of the nicest and sweetest postings within SHIELD, Xander. There's any number of witches I could have asked. I chose you because I can count on you to get my people out of things if necessary." Xander looked at him and nodded. "Good. Now, let's go eat?" Xander sighed but nodded, following him to the lounge area. "Xander, this is Skye. She's a hacker."

"Not magic with it too, right? She's not like Willow?"

"No. She has more sense most of the time and no addiction."

"That's good." He shook her hand. "Xander Harris."

"You're that guy with the Council."

"I am. Though I'm pretty much on retired adjunct status since I'm not on assignment."

"I wouldn't call you retired, Xander. You've been taking out huge problems like a zombie epidemic that got started. Mostly by yourself." Xander shrugged, looking sheepish. "We have a case in Cleveland."

"The hellmouth gives me horrible headaches."

"That's fine. We'll be slightly outside of town and we hopefully won't need any of your coworkers."

"I can handle it if we do," Xander said.

"Even better." He smiled. "Let's feed you. You probably haven't eaten in days. Clint complained that you were doing that in a few reports." He got them dinner and Xander sat down to eat.

Ward came in, nodding at everyone. "Xander, the jeep's all tied down and I left your weapons alone. That way you can check them over later."

"Thanks, Ward."

"Welcome. I know how picky some people are about their weapons. I tried to touch Clint's bow once." Coulson tried not to smile at that. "I spent six weeks sparring with Agent Romanoff for it." Xander grinned, shaking his head. "While you're here, can you help me teach Skye some hand-to-hand?"

"I can. I do it with the slayers. But I'm not nice about it," Xander told her.

"I might need that some day."

"He's very good. He and Clint Barton were working as a well-oiled team in Africa for six months." Coulson ate a bite of food. He looked at Skye. "He has a lot he can teach you, even if you think he's being mean."

"I try very hard not to be mean," Xander said.

"Us too," Ward agreed. "I hate it when trainees go out pouting like toddlers."

Xander nodded. "I hate it when the slayers do the same thing." He dug into his dinner again then went to grab his weapons to check over. Ward helped him carry and Skye kind of hovered within sight so she could look them over. He tossed her a bag. "This is a slayer's battle pack. Each of the girls has one and they're more than welcome to fill it with other weapons they like. Make sure you know what each one is used for, how to sharpen it, and how to at least hold it." She sat down to open the bag and look inside. The guys both smiled at her groan.

Ward moved over to help her since she was his trainee. "Interesting pack. Good survival knife, which does a lot of duty. Two guns, both easy to find ammo for no matter which country you're in but they're not the best guns."

"I went with those for the ammo ease," Xander admitted. "They're not great but if you take good care of them they won't jam." He went back to doing a needed cleaning of his swords and axe.

"I see a scythe-like weapon," Ward said. "Handy in close combat and probably a weapon the girls in native environments are used to for harvest." Xander nodded. "I see a collapsible pole?" Xander smiled and nodded. "I see a book and I see stuff to pack?"

"You see a book with handy things like how to make a holy water grenade and packing material for those," Xander agreed. Ward stared at him. "When it's you against dozens of things they're very handy."

"I bet." He looked at the rest. "Two stakes, and I see an iron one?"

"Some things are killed by iron, some by silver, or wood, or even sugar in two cases," Xander said. "You should also see the compact identification book in the front pocket." She found that and checked the rest of the pockets. Ammo kept in a waterproof case. Sharpening kit for the blades. One box that confused her until she opened it to see a take-apart sword. A modern version but it was super sharp. On the back were two crossbows in webbed pockets that sat underneath the frame of the pack so it didn't drag but they could be reached from the sides. The front straps had zippered compartments that held bolts, one wood with regular tips, one metal with regular tips but there was a small bundle of special tips in one of the side pockets. The other side pocket held two filter bottles for water and a place to put survival or hiking supplies.

Coulson nodded at that set. "That's very practical."

Xander smiled. "Fred designed it before she became Illyria."

"We need those for trainees," Ward said. "Very compact, very easy to carry everything we need outside of specialty gear." He helped her reload everything but the knife, teaching her to sharpen it. "Less angle," he said. She adjusted her grip and he showed her again. She got it this time.

"Twenty on each side, test it then finish it," Xander said. "You always want to make sure it's even and a good edge can take twenty strokes or more. Hardly ever less."

"That's good to know," she said. "This is really calming."

Xander grinned. "I sometimes meditate while sharpening. If I hum, I'm doing that. Sorry." He went back to the cleaning.

Coulson hid a smile. It was good to see Xander pretending to be normal. Now they had to break the pretending and get him back to a more even footing. Clint had done good, but it was time to work on the rest.

Melinda May came back to grab something to eat. Xander stared at her. "Do we need to sub flying the plane? I've only taken flying minor chopper lessons."

"Autopilot, Xander." He nodded, going back to cleaning them. "Those are pretty." Xander grinned. "May I?" She pointed at the axe.

"Um, no. It's presently got a blessing on it that nearly ate Clint a while back. We ran into a native witch who was not happy we were white guys. Sorry." He let her handle his backup axe. It was a single headed one. She had some grace with it. Xander stood up and moved her. "You're not using the length to your advantage. It's longer and heavier than a sword but it's also a dual weapon. You can use it like you would a staff to block and as an axe for cutting, chopping, and slicing." She nodded.

He took it back to go through the axe kata he used, getting a slow nod from her. He handed it back. "You try." She did the same thing and he gently shoved on a few places as she moved. "It's like an extra long hand, May. Treat it like you would a staff, not a blade." She shifted her weight and he nodded as she did it again, only having to correct something. "That's better. You can bum it while we're on here." He sat down to go back to cleaning.

She looked it over. "It could use sharpened."

"I was getting to it later. I go from short to longest and heaviest."

She nodded, walking off with it. "I have a whet stone in my gear."

"Remember to taper the ends," Xander said. "Like you do with a very tipped dagger."

"I can do that. Thank you, Xander."

"Not a problem. You guys might need it some day." He groaned and held his head. "Ow. Willow. Why is she doing it this time?"

"Attacking because you're coming near Cleveland or because you're powerful and going toward Cleveland?" Coulson asked, helping him shift to lay down.

"I think it's because I have power, not really sure. I don't want to crash us lashing out at her," he said between gritting teeth. "Or else she'd be a witch pancake."

"Filter it to go outside the plane, onto the wind," Coulson said. Xander took a deep breath and did that, sending it back at her. The plane blacked out for a moment but came right back up. "Good job. Much better than we'd expect."

"I knew I shouldn't be around people."

"It's not you, it's her, Xander." He let him rest for now. Coulson sat back down, looking at Ward.

"Can we sic someone on her?" Skye asked.

"Yes," Coulson said. "I am. The Director wanted to chat with her." He smiled. "I'm sure he'll have a delightful talk."

"He's not allowed near the Council. A lot of the other staff thinks he'll try to turn her onto their side and use her to infiltrate us or to ruin the system so he can absorb the slayers."

"We'd never allow it, Xander," Ward said.

"The Director did want to at one time," Coulson said. "Which resulted in a mass memory spell over SHIELD."

Xander nodded, one hand over his eyes. He finally pulled out his phone, calling someone. "I know I owe you ten bucks but can you smite the witch for me since I'm in the air? No, not flying, I'm in a plane, Doug. I don't think I can fly on my own. Thank you. Just tried to kill me. Again. I sent it back but it's interfering with the plane. Thank you, Doug. No, I'm with Clint's handler guy. Why? Is Clint in trouble? I'll go help. I told him I would." He sighed. "Sure, we can send someone to stop the drinking game before the accidental wish happens. Send Willow. She likes being needed and helpful." He grinned. "Thanks." He hung up.

"That would definitely stop an Avengers drinking match," Coulson said quietly. Xander grinned at him without opening his eyes.

***

Willow appeared in the bar, grimacing at it. It was dark and it stunk in there. She never had understood why people drank. Especially not in places like this. She spotted Clint and walked over. "What're you doing, Clint?"

He stared at her, still drinking his beer. "I'm having a drink with friends, Willow. Why?"

"Because Xander wanted to know. Some guy called and said Xander wanted me to come here to save you from something." She stared at him. "What did you need saved from?"

"I don't. Xander said so?" She nodded, grimacing when he took another drink. "I'm well over the legal age to drink."

"It's not good for you and what if something happens while you're drunk?"

Clint shrugged. "Wouldn't be the first time. The first time that happened, I was in Poland and the only painkiller for the two gunshot wounds I had was really strong scotch." He finished that beer. "Guys, this is Willow Rosenburg. She works with the Council for those who don't know."

"Oh, we know," Stark said, staring at her. "Little Miss I'm So Perfect. By the way, Pepper wants to beat you on behalf of all the other redheads in the universe. Apparently you're giving them all a bad name."

"I am not," she sneered. "I'm a good witch."

"With problems," Natasha said.

"Everyone has problems."

"Yes, but yours nearly ended the world twice now," Stark said with an evil smirk. "For someone on the side of *good* you sure don't live there real often." She stomped a foot and suddenly all the liquor changed. "Put it back, witch. You're not our mommy. The same as you're not Xander's mommy." She stomped off but Natasha got her with something, knocking her out.

"I have the feeling Xander sent her so we could stop her from trying him," Natasha said. "That's what Coulson's text said," she told them when they stared at her. "They're on the mobile command plane and Xander had to shove it outside, which took out the power for a few seconds."

"Great," Stark said, nodding. "We really need to clean up some of the good guys. Or maybe reclassify them."

Thor looked at her then at Stark. "She uses magic like my brother?"

"She's supposedly a nature witch," Clint said. "She's addicted to the rush that she gets when she does magic. She lets her emotions override her sense. Often." He got up to get them another round of drinks. She had removed all the liquor in the bar so he called Giles to send it back. Not like the slayers needed it. It came back with a twinkle and an old biddy showed up to glare at Willow. "She tried to attack Xander again," he said dryly. "She's also slipping. Again." He brought the drinks over to their table.

Thor looked over. "There are many ways of training such gifts. How did she train?"

"She stole books," Clint said. Stark shook his head. "Then didn't read them. She flipped through for 'neat' things. She also doesn't measure for potions."

"How would you know?" the old biddy demanded.

"I've seen her do it." The witch backed off. He grinned. "I've seen her totally ruin a hair straightening potion by making it a lust potion. She substituted." The witch glared at her counterpart. "If you want her, keep her. She's causing problems again."

"You sound like that *boy*," she sneered.

"I know Xander. We're friends. Doesn't mean she doesn't do the wrong thing. I know terrorists who are better good guys than she is." The witch disappeared in a huff. "I guess that means we have to find someone to give her to," he told Natasha with a smile.

"If we give her to the director, we'll have problems with the rest of the Council. That will break the peace treaty and I'm fairly certain she'll be the downfall of SHIELD." She sipped her mixed drink.

"We could sell her into marriage," Stark said with an evil grin.

"Know any bad guy lesbians?" Clint asked.

"Mean but not evil. Pity." He sipped his own drink. "She's starting to wake up."

"If she was better I'd introduce her to my cousins so they could find her a good warrior to help," Thor said. "What is a slayer?"

"A girl chosen and given special gifts to fight demons," Clint said. "There's over six hundred right now."

Thor frowned. "Like a chosen warrior?"

"Yes," Natasha said. She pulled out her phone to find footage of a battle. "These are the slayers. The man with one eye is Clint's friend Xander." Thor watched it, scowling some. "They're stronger, faster, and heal faster. They also have instinctive knowledge of fighting abilities."

Thor nodded. "There are many of them but they are young."

"They are, but they're training to stay alive as long as possible. The oldest one called is twenty-eight?" he asked Natasha, who nodded. "Twenty-eight."

"She's a maiden warrior that long?"

"Not a maiden. She's dated a few very...predatory people in the past," Clint said. "She wanted people who could keep up with her duty."

"Interesting. I know warriors who would appreciate them." He handed the phone back. "I would like to meet these battle maidens."

"There's a battle in six days," Natasha said. "They've said they don't need help...."

"They're like that," Clint said dryly. "We all hate it but we step in when they need it anyway." He looked at Natasha. "At least Giles cleaned house after the attack in London."

"That is a good thing," she agreed. "Though Xander did not leave many of the ones that attacked him for being proactive with the slayers." She finished her drink. Willow moaned. "Do shut up before I knock you out again." She smiled at Clint. "Are you still mad at him?"

"Yup."

"Coulson has him."

"I'm sure Coulson had fun getting him too." He grinned. "He and I will have one of the rare fights when we run into him."

"You have a male wife?" Thor asked.

Clint laughed, shaking his head. "Xander is a friend. He's having some problems so I was traveling with him in Africa for about six months. Then I got injured and he found Bruce's clinic so dropped me there and managed to escape since I got recalled. I was going to bring him with me." His phone beeped twice. He looked at it. "Agent Hill said the command plane went down but Coulson said they landed on an island. Magically landed on an island." He forwarded the second email to her. She sent back a thank you. "Looks like someone needs her ass kicked," he said, glaring at the witch. Willow pretended to still be out. "Thank you for nearly killing people I consider like my family, including Xander, Willow." She flinched. "Thankfully he managed to save them all. I really need to spar."

"I don't do that nasty stuff," she complained.

Thor shook his head. "I will ask for things to bind a witch of some power." He went outside to call home. He came back with two warriors, who came to grab her. "We will watch her until this battle then the ones in charge may gather to decide her fate."

Clint smirked at her, waving some. "You have fun with the warriors. They know not to put up with your shit since they've dealt with Loki."

"I'm not sure which is worse," Natasha said. "One who does memory charms or one who takes over minds."

Clint looked at her. "She did it to her girlfriend to cover up her magic addiction. I consider abuse worse than possession."

"Hmm. Yes, I would as well," she agreed. The warriors dragged her struggling body off. "Are you better?" she asked.

"Xander banished the leftover taint before we went on break. It was really nice of him." He sipped his beer. A woman wearing a SHIELD uniform walked in, looking pissed off. "What?"

"Agent Barton, we're afraid there's some bad news."

"Coulson said that Xander landed the plane on an island."

"They're okay?" He nodded, showing her the email. "We need to find them."

"I'm sure we will." She nodded and left. He looked at Natasha. Who shrugged and found the plane on satellite. She sent in that information to the director, who sent back a 'thank you' and a 'we'll recover them'. She forwarded a copy of the email from Coulson. He didn't answer. "Fury?" Clint asked.

"Yes. He didn't know."

"The lifesign monitor probably got browned out by the magic," Clint said. "Mine did about six months ago. Some demon taunted Xander about Anya so he destroyed him. It died due to the blast of magic."

"I would do the same if someone was taunting me about my near spouse," Natasha said.

"Anya?" Stark asked.

"Xander nearly married her. Anyanka." Thor choked. "She lost her position and became human again. Her friends showed Xander how miserable they'd be so he left her at the altar. She got her job back, lost it again, then died in the final battle of Sunnydale." Clint finished his current beer. "That's one reason why Xander went to Africa the first time."

"I saw reports on her," Natasha said. "She was very interested in certain aspects of human life but the rest she let him handle it."

"Yeah, I talked to her before the wedding. I was the only one that gave her the shovel talk as Xander calls it." He grinned. "We spent half an hour of her talking about her love of sex. And then some more time talking about how money was just as good. I gave her a lesson in real women these days."

Thor stared at him. "She was a terrible punisher of men who had done wrong."

"She was a terrible punishment for Xander until he upped his stamina so she could have her six or more orgasms a day," Clint said dryly. Steve stared, mouth open. He had stayed out of the other stuff. "She complained a lot in public how she wasn't getting enough. Made him work overtime to buy her presents. All sorts of neat things. I tried to talk him out of proposing."

"Xander is nearly as stubborn as you are," Natasha said with a pat to his arm. He grinned.

"I thought wallet hunters were bad," Stark said dryly, gulping his drink.

"Anya was naive yet smart but also picky and nagging," Clint said. "The last time she had been human was as a viking wench."

Stark nodded. "Damn glad I never had one like her latch onto me. Pepper would've had to destroy her to get her off me."

"Anya was blunt," Clint said. "She might not have gotten all the deadly hissing that Pepper does."

"I wouldn't call it hissing," Stark said with a grin.

"Pepper's a very good slytherin," Clint shot back with an evil grin of his own.

"Yes, yes she is," Stark agreed, laughing. "She'd thank you for that."

"She's more than welcome." Natasha got up to get them another round. They all needed more mental lubricant.

***

Xander looked up at the feeling of magic, staring at his ex. "Anya, how did you get pulled back?" he asked her ghost.

"Willow."

"I'm going to kill her and every member of the Devon Coven," he decided, looking at Coulson. Who shrugged. SHIELD wouldn't stop Xander from taking out the witches in charge. "I'm sorry they disturbed your rest, Anya."

"I was bored anyway. They won't let me torture any more. I was having too much fun." She floated closer to him. "You're not happy." He shrugged. "You need sex, Xander. Orgasms would help that bad mood."

"I'm not really in the mood for it, Anya."

"They all considered it fun."

"Anya, beyond the rude factor of talking about it, some of us didn't. We didn't like being drugged against our will."

"You sound like a girl. They did too many bad things to you, Xander, and you need to fix it."

He sighed and walked off. The island was barely bigger than the plane. So he could do laps while fighting off the nagging that never seemed to stop. It took a while but finally he got fed up. "Go nag someone else!" he ordered with a point. "Before I turn you into a bunny!"

She sniffled. "That's mean, Xander. You know I think they're evil. I wasn't evil."

"I consider nagging to be evil," he said, staring at her. "You're approaching satanic levels." She slumped, giving him a hurt, pouty look. "Hey, go nag the ones that did it. They could use it. Just...quit nagging me!" He walked off again with a huff.

"We really do have to fix the stuff the girls did to my poor pookie," Anya said, pouting at Coulson, who shrugged. "Can't you help him?"

"I have tried a few times and I'll talk to Clint about helping him more."

She smiled. "They're very hot together."

"Not a consideration. Clint said unless Xander comes to flirt with him it's not going to happen again."

"Shoot. He really could use it. It'd calm him down." He nodded. "Fine." She floated off. "I'll go tell Buffy how much she warped my poor snuggly viking bear into a valkyrie instead."

Xander came back once she was gone. "I have patience, right?"

"It was over four hours," Ward told him. "I would've snapped after ten minutes, Xander."

He put his hands in his pockets while shrugging. "I train bouncy warrior teenage girls. I feel bad I threatened her afterlife with being a bunny. She thinks they're evil."

Coulson patted him on the arm. "I would've probably snapped sooner and done it without warning." Xander relaxed and nodded. "Do you want to talk about that?"

"No. I'm repressing like the best wannabe drag queen who's still in the closet." He walked off again.

"Okay, when you're calmer, we'll talk." He looked at his team, who all were shaking their heads. "He nearly married he but left her at the altar because they would've been poor and slightly miserable."

Ward nodded. "It's good he did it for her happiness." In his opinion Xander really needed therapy. A lot of therapy to get over what the girls had done to him.

Skye shook her head. "If I ever turn into that sort of nagging girlfriend, please put me out of my boyfriend's misery," she told Melinda. Who patted her on the arm before walking off to check the plane again.

Coulson's phone rang. "Hello," he said, walking back into the plane. "Yes, Director, we're all fine. Xander saved us from the witch-caused crash. The island's about a foot larger than the plane on each end and about four on each side." He listened. "It figures it was Rosenburg. She called back Anya's shade. He just sent her to nag others." He nodded. "Great. I'll let him know. Thank you, Director. That's fine." He hung up. "People, lock up stuff and grab what you really need. They're going to send us a quinjet to get back to a base then come fix the engines so the plane can come home." They nodded, going to pack things. He stopped Xander. "Thor handed Willow to an Asgardian set of guards. They're used to magic." Xander grinned. "She's safely out of harm's way."

"Thank him for me."

"You can if we run into him."

"Then I'll have to think back to her telling me how she wanted to do him as an offering." Coulson shook his head as he walked off. "Yeah, my feeling too. Even if she did call me a viking in the sack." He followed to grab his three things. He could easily travel with them. He had in the past.

***

Thor's hangover was not aided by the spirit that woke him up. He glared at her. "Begone, foul spirit."

She smiled. "You know, I used to think you were cute. You were only eighteen then but you were cute." He stared. "I needed someone to talk to who understood what life was like back then. Xander listened a lot but he's mad and he threatened to turn me into an evil bunny. So I can't go straighten him out anymore. Buffy went on a shrieking fit when I told her how much she had warped my poor pookie growly bear."

Clint walked in and threw something on her, making her shriek and fade out. "Saw it on tv," he said with a grin before walking off.

Thor thumped his head back onto the bed, shaking it. "I know not why I am tasked with witches at times." He covered his head with a pillow and went back to sleep. Hopefully the foul mood that drew such things would ease with some rest.

***

Xander looked up as the door to the room he was in opened. "You really have to let me go before something comes for me here."

Agent Hill shook her head. "Coulson said you're not allowed to escape."

Xander pointed at the dead demon body in the corner. "That's the second one in three days and it's twice the size of the last one."

She looked and called someone to pick it up for examination. "I'll let him know." She handed him a soda and walked off.

Xander sighed. He drank the soda and relaxed, considering the 'moving oneself' spell he had gotten off Ethan. It was really handy. Especially when larger demon appeared with a roar and tried to attack him with a huge sword so he moved them both and pulled his axe out to deal with it in the nice, open park. Full of people but most of them ran for their lives. New Yorkers were practical that way, unlike the people in LA who took film of it. The demon sneered and lunged but Xander handled it and kept going.

Agents showed up but they stared at the demon. "Gee thanks," Xander called. "Really." A few tried to fire on them but the demon blocked it. Xander looked over. "Why do I need shot for defending myself?" he demanded. "Mother fucking assholes! Even if it did make me sound like that cocksucker." He ducked a new attempt and slashed at the demon's stomach. It screamed in pain so Xander had gotten it.

It had an illusion on so you couldn't tell where the actual demon's skin was. He pressed his luck, getting clubbed on the side of the head - he ducked out of the way at the last second so it'd hit there and his shoulder instead. He groaned but kept going. Not like anyone else was there to handle it. He backed the demon into a tree and sliced it again, seeing blood this time. The illusion was wobbling. He saw where the head was and took a swing, getting clawed across the chest for it.

Xander sneered. "Not like you're the first." He shifted and swung again. A partial cut, enough to stun it. Another slice and it was dead. Xander stepped back, panting. "Lighter fluid?" he called. No one moved. He gathered some of his magic and snapped his fingers. The demon went up in a large flame. "Better," he decided. He took off his shirt to clean off his axe, looking at the agents. They all backed away. "I'm not going after you unless you're demonic?" They shook their heads. "Then next time, try to help, guys. Really." He grabbed the packs he had with him and walked off. He checked his wallet and found a cab to take him to a cheap motel. The driver gave him an odd look. Xander smiled and put his axe back. "Demon."

"You sure you want a cheap place?"

"Yeah, I'm on salary that's cheap for Africa, which means it's pitiful for the US, especially here. Besides, if pros live there it can't be that scummy. They take clients to the scummy ones and live in cleaner ones." The driver nodded, taking him to one of those. Xander paid and got out, getting a room so he could shower and change clothes.

***

Agent Hill saw the alarm start and checked the video camera for that holding room. She ran it back when it was empty, swearing as she called Coulson. "He escaped with the demon that tried to attack him." She hung up and went to check the room. He hadn't left his things, though they had his weapons backpack. Coulson walked past with it so he was going to handle the most problematic being there was.

***

Xander got out of the shower, wincing as he gently dried off his chest. The wounds were healing, a tiny bit. The healing spell in the shower had helped. He walked out to find Clint. He was wearing his sunglasses and a suit, staring at him. He had that look on his face again too. "What?" he asked. Clint looked pissed and a bit scary like this.

"Do you want to explain your running away habit?"

"You needed to go back to work. I needed to handle things. Then your handler got me."

"Good." He moved closer, staring at his buddy. "You drugged me."

"Only to sleep."

"I didn't think you'd do anything else, Xander. I know you're not like that. I've known that since we got drunk in Brussels."

"It took you that long?" It was a weak joke but kinda not.

"I was pretty sure of it before but if you didn't take me up on my drunken flirting I knew you weren't going to do anything mean to me." He stared at him. "Still, you knocked me out and fled."

"I didn't *flee*. I traveled to the next problem that needed my help."

"Also known as fleeing."

"Maybe escaping but not fleeing."

"You don't have to escape your friends."

"You were being all well-meaning but it was screwing up your career so I made sure you could do the important stuff. It's more important for you to do things with SHIELD than it is for you to follow me around to try to straighten my weird ass out."

Clint sighed, sticking his hands in his pockets, still staring at him. "You're a friend. That makes you more important than a job or taking out some idiot of the universe."

"Being an Avenger is more important," Xander said firmly.

"Eighty percent of being an Avenger isn't really important or I wouldn't have escaped a press thing to come nag you." Xander snorted, sitting on the bed. "Want me to find the bandages?"

"They're in my weapons pack, which Hill confiscated."

"I'll beat her ass myself," he said. He stared at him. "I saw the news report." Xander shrugged, still not looking at him. He made Xander look up at him. "You did good." Xander grinned and relaxed. "Have I ever nagged you like those girls did?"

"No."

"Then why were you expecting it?"

"I'm sure I'll be hearing it soon."

"Not from us." He sat beside him after checking the bed. "You good?" Xander nodded. "My apartment in Stark's tower has a couch."

"No way in hell."

Clint shoulder nudged him. "No one's going to bother you there. Including the director or Hill."

"Still, that's for Avengers and you guys. I don't do that stuff."

"Xander, that demon probably would've killed a bunch of people and if we hadn't been busy or you hadn't been handling it we probably would've been asked to take it out." Xander snorted, staring at him. "Really. Someone came in to try to get Thor to do it but then reports you had killed it came." Xander slumped. Clint gave him a one-armed hug. "C'mon. You can have my couch."

"I'm not invading the tower, Clint. Your friends probably won't like me. They were giving me dirty looks at the resort."

"They didn't know you."

"They still don't know me and I'm pretty sure I don't need more people thinking I'm normal."

"You have magic, you're not normal, Xander."

"According to the girls I am."

"Most of us are not girls. Except Natasha and if you called her a girl she'd kick your ass." Xander sighed but shook his head. "I get the point but you're not the normal guy among heros. I am but you're not." Xander stared at him. "It was good when we were two normal guys working together."

"I've mostly locked off the magic so it quits drawing things. Or Willow being mad that I'm stronger than she is."

"You can't do that. It's a gift."

"That is not what I consider a gift, Clint. Gifts are nice things as you taught me. Curses come with things like extended lives and surges you can't control and drawing things that want to kill you."

Clint gave him a real hug. "We'll talk about it after you get dressed and we go to the tower."

"I'm not..." Clint held up a finger, glaring at him from behind the sunglasses. "That's their space. I'm not one of them."

"I feel the same way so I tend to hide a lot," Clint said. "Until Natasha pulls me out so we can fake being heros too instead of assassins."

Xander shook his head. "It's nice for you guys."

"Not really. I feel like a kid playing dress up at Halloween." Xander shoulder nudged him back. "Still, it's a comfy, free couch. Much cleaner than here is."

"It's not bad."

"No, it's not bad but it's not free like my couch is."

"I'd still be intruding. I'd feel like a stowaway or something."

"So do I. We can fight that together." He patted him on the back. "We also have a nice medical kit on hand."

"It'll heal. I did a minor healing spell in the shower to make sure there wasn't anything in it."

Clint shrugged. "Still needs neosporin and bandaged." He put his sunglasses on top of his head, staring at the injury. "Might use some butterflies too."

"If I had my other pack," he said dryly. "SHIELD treated me like I was an imbecile that had gotten in their way."

"You saved that whole team and the plane, Xander. You're not an interloper and you're on the same side. That's all Fury's shit."

"Probably but it still happens."

"I know. Some day we'll have a different director and I'm hoping it's not Hill so we don't have more problems."

"The girls might like Hill in charge. The whole girl power thing."

"I thought most of the slayers hated Hill because of how she acts around them."

"They do but they also like having women in charge. They think it makes it easier for them."

"Some of them might but not all. They tend to be tougher on other women." Clint stared at the mirror that showed them. "Get dressed. At least we can go get lunch."

"I have nothing nice enough to match you in that suit."

"So? This is New York, we have delis. No dress code." He grinned. "Dress." Xander got up to get dressed. They left together and went to lunch. Xander managed to talk his way out of going back with Clint. Clint walked past Natasha, who huffed. "He doesn't want to have the same feelings I do and the girls gave him about being normal around heros."

She nodded. "That's stupid. You're not normal. Normal men miss." He grinned at her. "Where is he?" He handed over a card he had gotten from the motel. She grimaced but left to talk to Xander. Maybe a woman's touch would be better. She couldn't get in. Coulson was in there and talking down to him. She hid to watch it happen. Coulson could out-stubborn them all. He had a few times in the past.

"I didn't ask you to kidnap me from Africa," Xander said loudly, making her wince. "You did that all on your own. I warned you things came for me these days and I might be dangerous to be around. You didn't listen. Don't blame me for you being a jackass like your boss is. I was doing just fine without all this and it was a lot safer for everyone." He started to storm out but Natasha knocked him out.

"No, I do not believe you will get to throw a girlish fit and stomp off this time." She smiled at Coulson. "My car?"

"Fine," he agreed. "Maybe you can talk some sense into him."

"He is right. Things have come for him or you would still be on a mission." Coulson scowled. She stared back. "You would."

"That was Rosenburg."

"Who has attacked him like the demon earlier did. He may have a point about people attacking him." She picked up the bags and made sure it was all packed. Then she went to drive him back to the tower. He went onto Clint's couch, getting a smile from him for the delivery. "He's mad at Coulson."

"I think it's a good thing. He did kidnap him from another country."

"Point I suppose." She walked off. That was a philosophical point that she didn't really care about.

Clint got up to make Xander comfortable then went back to his reading. Xander would wake up sometime. As long as he didn't sleep teleport. Or turn himself into the tiny monkey again. That made it easier, Xander liked to be petted in this form. It was comforting to read while petting the Xander monkey.

***

Stark walked into Clint's apartment that night with a plate. "Bruce cooked Thai." He spotted the monkey. "Wow, you got a pet?"

Clint glared. "It's Xander's other form when he's sick."

"Huh. So is he like a monkey in real life?"

"Stark, don't make me punch you."

"Fine, sorry. Just wondering." He left, going to share that tidbit.

Clint looked at the tiny monkey, who was hiding inside his jacket. "No, don't do that," he said quietly. "Stark's an asshole. Anyone would tell you that." He picked it up to hold him, offering him some broccoli. "Thai food?" The monkey turned his head. "Hmm. You used to like Thai food." He ate it and winced. "What did he use?" The monkey chattered. "Yeah, that's bad." He put it aside and settled in to eat a granola bar instead. The monkey liked those too. When Clint started to feel really wrong, he realized what had been in the food and packed them up. He stared at the monkey. "Need you back to normal. Please?" he asked quietly.

The monkey seemed to shift then shrugged and sighed. He showed back up as human, grabbing his bags and Clint's hand, using that moving spell. They could handle this easier. Even though they were in LA. Xander looked around then at his buddy, shrugging. "No idea." Clint heaved. "Healers," he said, calling someone. "I need a healer for Clint. Someone tried to poison him. That's great news. Thanks." He hung up and got them a cab, paying out of Clint's wallet. Not like Xander really carried american cash. He led Clint into the demon clinic, nodding at a few he knew. He looked at the nurse until she stared back. "Someone drugged his food. He's been trying not to throw it up. It's made him dizzy and weak."

"We can see if we know what it is, Harris."

"Thank you." He let the healers take Clint back. Xander sat down to wait. The nurse stared at him. "Contrary to popular beliefs, I'm not with him," he said quietly. She smiled and nodded. Xander relaxed, making notes on his phone. It looked like he'd get to pay some people back for that. Which he was happy to do for his buddy. The healer came out to get him. "Do we know what it is?"

"It's a very strong truth serum," the main healer said. "He identified it and told us what the medicine is countered by." Xander relaxed, grinning some. "We have given him the counter and he needs to rest."

"He can do that. I can send him to the resort for a while."

"We have heard you broke out." Xander nodded. "Are you well?"

"I've got pretty good control using the methods the shaman taught me. Every now and then I get a surge but I learned how to tamp them down. I tend to leave it quiet and not touch it most of the time."

"Most mages are overloaded," the secondary healer said, staring at him over her glasses.

"I'm not like most of them. From the fish taint to the Rosenburg issue to all this plus shaman training. I never learned *magic*. I learned native rituals."

"That is different and I don't see the power that most mages would have." The secondary healer nodded. "Can you pull some up? We have two that need healing more than we can pull."

"Of course." He concentrated, letting his power come up. They siphoned some off so they could heal the others needing them. When they came back Xander looked up from sponging Clint's head off. "Anything I should know before I drop him off?"

"He will be fine with some sweating and rest," the head healer said. Xander smiled and nodded. "Though they may not appreciate him since you have spurned their intentions."

"Clint and I are buddies. We're not screwing and we're all pretty mad at the coven at the resort for making us screw while they had us drugged. I haven't been able to work my way through it since then either. If they're going to get pissed, I'm going to get mad right back." They smiled. "Just sweating?"

"He could use some good soaking time."

"I'll see if I can borrow Henri's cabin." He sent him a message, getting permission and 'I hope Clint's better' back. Xander smiled, thanking him. "Thanks, ladies. Two days on a train?"

They grimaced. "One day would be better."

"It's in Colorado."

"Fly in, take a train to the local area, or rent a car," the secondary healer said. Xander nodded. They let him take Clint out so he could buy a junker from one of the demon pawn shops; new vampires often sold off their old possessions to start their new lives with some cash. There were plenty of cheap, legal ones there. They didn't even try to gouge him on the price since the head of the pawn shop was a fan of Clint's. Within an hour, they were on the highway headed for Colorado.

***

Xander came back from setting up things, taking Clint out to the sauna/sweat lodge. He put him onto a bench and started it, leaving him water to pour over the hot rocks when he woke up. He set the thermostat and left him in there for now. He could handle that while Xander made the rest of the preparations. There was a small stream on the property, so Xander was giving it a small partial dam so Clint had a place to soak outside. It was pretty this time of year, not too warm yet and no snow or mud at the moment. He checked on Clint when he was done, finding him awake, sweating, and panting hard. Xander got him some water to drink then left him in there.

Clint gulped it, looking around. "I've seen him start a sweat lodge," he said. "Looks like the modern version." He poured the last of the water onto the herb covered stones. The steam hissed back at him and it was nice. It smelled a bit bitter but it was nice. He relaxed, letting it sweat all that stuff out of him. Xander delivered him water every once in a while and finally Clint felt like he couldn't sweat any more so he stepped out, shivering a bit in the cooler early evening air. Xander pointed at the soaking area, letting Clint climb into it to relax. "Do I need to do it again?"

"Not sure. That may depend on how much is left in you." Xander looked over from reading. "We have enough stuff to let you do that for three days." Clint nodded, relaxing in the cool, slightly running water. He rinsed out his hair, using his fingers to detangle it. When he felt clean enough he got up to take a real shower and lay down. He'd see how he felt in the morning.

***

Day three had Clint feeling whole again. Xander was still reading so Clint flopped down beside him. "You okay?" he asked Xander.

"I'm good but if I find out which one tried to drug you, or me, I'm going to kill them."

"You'd have to beat me there first," Clint said. "I'm pretty sure it wasn't Nat." Xander looked at him. "She was trying to make me happy and you happier by fixing all that."

"It's still a bad idea for me to be around people. As proven by the ones that attacked me at SHIELD."

Clint grimaced but nodded. "You can still be around people. There's ways to do it more safely."

"I don't really like most people anyway."

Clint leaned on his arms on the table. "Does this belong to an ex?"

"Yup."

"I'll thank him and try not to kill him when I run into him the next time." Xander grinned. "Thanks."

"Welcome. Go rest."

"I'm good." He yawned. "This is lack of coffee."

"Sorry, no coffeemaker. You can boil water on the stove and I picked up some coffee packets." Clint gave his head a nudge and went to do that. Xander went back to reading the book on shielding. Maybe if his was better it'd be safer.

***

Back in New York, Coulson was looking at his former team. It had taken him three days to find out what had happened that had made them both flee this time. He was a bit upset at that. "So let me get this straight. You decided to drug Clint and Xander's food to find out more about them?" he said. The few people still in the room nodded. "I had been mad that Xander ran off again but now I see why. You do realize that Barton is very sensitive to some truth serums? That most of them can make normal people deathly ill, much less those who are sensitive? That we have no idea what they do to people who have magical gifts? What would you have done if Clint had went into seizures?"

"We used a minimal dose," Bruce said.

"Yay," Coulson shot back. "Thankfully Harris apparently knew who to get him to so it could be handled. I'm hoping it's one of the nicer of his former lovers, one who's not out to kill Clint." They all flinched. "He does have enemies and most of Xander's lovers would still use him to get to Clint." He looked at the group. "From now on, don't go near Harris. We'd like for him to still trust some of us. He's one of the few beings that the slayers will work with outside their usual organization."

"I thought he still worked for them," Stark said.

"He's mostly retired. Their problems got to him finally." Stark nodded. "Any idea where they are? The last time Xander left to protect people he ended up in Africa for seven months, six of it with Clint following him to help him with stuff."

"Stuff?" Bruce asked. "I know Clint was injured."

"Yes, and the week before that Xander had been doing healing spells because they had to take down a hell goddess who decided to wake up and take slaves," Coulson said. Bruce winced. "Without a slayer's help since none were nearby. Xander even tried to lock Clint somewhere so he couldn't get hurt because he's highly overprotective of him. The same as Clint is of Xander." They both nodded. "If you had asked they might've told you what you wanted to know." He walked off. His disappointment was heavy in the room but oh well. He ran into Natasha at the elevator, she was holding Skye so she couldn't interrupt. "Do we have any idea?" he asked them.

"They left Colorado," Natasha said. "Xander bought a cheap wreck in LA. The site they were at had a noticeable sauna." She handed over satellite pictures of the grounds. "They left last night but we pinpointed that location because Harris left the tracker dot Clint had slipped into his stuff there."

Coulson nodded, looking it over. "Nice stream. So he helped him sweat it out you think?"

"That is the easiest way to get rid of that sort of drug."

Skye cleared her throat. "Why did Xander kidnap him?"

"He was helping him, Skye," Coulson said. "Banner and Rogers decided to dose them with truth serum and Clint gets sick from them."

"According to rumors, Xander took Clint to a demonic healer's clinic in LA," Natasha said. "They apparently helped him. We believe he got the car there. We can put out a call to have it stopped."

"No, we will not," Coulson ordered. "We'd like him to trust some of us, Natasha."

"He's running away again."

Coulson stared at her. "Maybe it's a guy thing but if I had been there instead of him, I wouldn't want to be around people either." She flinched back at that. "Or touch anyone else. The same way he's not. He's managed to get a good hold on his new gifts without anyone's help. We don't know how and I'm not really worried about how right now. I'm more worried that they've broken what little trust we have with either of them."

"I did not drug them," she said.

"No, he considers you the same way he considers me for kidnaping him from Africa to help with some things and to maybe get him a bit closer to healed."

"Am I missing something?" Skye asked.

"Yes, and you will not be informed of it," Natasha said. "It is personal." She looked at Coulson. "I can talk to Clint."

"I doubt that'll be wanted right now. They might pull a Thelma and Louise to get away from you." She grimaced. "I'll talk to them."

"Does he like you more?" she asked.

"No." He left, going to handle it himself. "Skye," he said once he was in the elevator. She hurried to join him. "Don't do anything with Harris' records."

"I haven't."

"Good. The last thing he needs right now is people who don't respect him or his skills. It'd take you too long to get up to that and he tends to not like women because they treat him funny." He got off the elevator, heading for the SUV. Ward was behind the wheel, waiting on them. Skye got into the back. "We're going back to the plane."

"We can go to the base, sir," he said, starting the engine.

"No. We want to keep Xander away from SHIELD. He'll kill the director if he tries to do anything. Or Hill. He has a distinct lack of respect and trust for most of us."

Ward nodded, driving off once there was a gap in traffic. "What about our team?"

"I'm not sure yet. We may be able to talk to him. I don't know what he and Clint have worked out." He rubbed his forehead with the hand that was resting on the window. Once they were back on the plane, he went to his office to look over the information they had. He could talk to Clint and have him calm Xander down. Though he was seeing why the boy was paranoid.

***

Clint looked at his phone then shrugged and answered it. "I'm not real pleased with any of you." He hung up. "Let Natasha stew for a few hours." Xander looked up from eating. Clint had insisted that he had to eat even though Xander said he wasn't hungry. "You better?"

"I was good before."

"I'm driving next leg."

"Sure. I have no idea where we're going."

"We're going back to New York."

"Why?"

"I need to be there eventually."

"Sure."

"We might need some help with things." He casually stole one of Xander's fries. He had ordered for Xander to make sure he ate something that qualified as real food. Xander shrugged. "You sure?" He nodded, taking another bite of the burger. "Thanks."

"Welcome. I don't want to see the world end either." Someone walked in and he sighed, sipping his soda. Clint glanced back then at Xander, who shrugged slightly.

The girl walked over, staring at him. "Buffy's way pissed at you."

"She can stay that way," he said, staring at the young slayer. "But why is she pissed off this time? No one telling her to stake the newest boyfriend?"

"No, we all have." She looked at Clint then at him. "Can we talk?" she asked Clint with a grin.

"Go right ahead. I've known Xander since just after he graduated high school," he said dryly, smirking at her a tiny bit. She gaped. "Clint Barton."

"Oh, you're *him*. Buffy's mad at you too for making Xander do soldier things."

Xander snorted, shaking his head. "Get it right, Bethy. I went back to Africa on my own. Clint followed me to try to get me to calm down about stuff. I do plenty of that all by myself and kept trying to keep Clint out of it."

"Which is some strange mimicking of what the girls did to you," Clint pointed out. Xander stared at him. Clint nodded. "Yeah."

"I didn't want you to get hurt."

"Because I'm normal?"

"No....," Xander said then frowned. "I don't think so." Clint nodded again, smirking some at him. "Crap."

"Yeah. It's either that or you're doing the 'my boyfriend must be protected' thing." He stole another fry. Xander snorted, taking a bite of burger. He looked at the slayer. "You can tell Buffy it wasn't my idea, I was following him to help him. That's what real friends do."

"I can do that but I wouldn't go anywhere near her or Rosenburg anytime soon."

"If I see Willow I'm going to beat her to death," Xander said. "She nearly crashed the plane I was on when she decided to attack me."

"She's in Cleveland," Bethy quipped. She smiled at him. "We'd like film of it."

"I'll get front row seats because I want to beat her for other reasons," Clint said with a grin. Xander smirked back. They looked at her again. "You can tell Buffy we're handling things."

"I'm not telling her a blessed thing," she said dryly. "I don't need screamed at."

"Tell her to find the next boyfriend sooner," Xander said dryly. "It cures that problem." Bethy blushed, making squeaky noises. "It does."

"I'm sure it does but I don't want to think about what she dates."

"Me either," Xander agreed. "Tell Dawn I said hi and I'm okay."

"Sure you are." She left, going to call from outside. "Hey, Dawn, it's Bethy. I just ran into Xander and Clint on purpose. Clint said he was following Xander, not making Xander help him. Xander said if Buffy screams again to get her laid, and that they're both fine but driving a clunker across the US at the moment." She hung up when Buffy snatched the phone to scream at her. "Wow, we need to send someone to her." She walked off so she could drive off. She had to get home before her mother worried.

Xander and Clint shared a look. Xander handed over the keys. "Don't even think about sending yourself somewhere else," Clint warned. "It won't stop any fighting and Buffy can't find you."

"She'll try. Which will mean we'll have to deal with Willow." He finished his burger. "I don't want to but it'll happen."

"We're going once you finish lunch." Xander finished and went to the bathroom. He came out to find Clint had paid and was waiting by the car talking to Willow. Clint looked over as Xander came out. He looked at Willow again. "Willow, he was there first. I followed because we're friends and that's what friends do when we're needed. All that stuff just happened around us so we handled it."

She snorted. "Xander can't do that stuff."

"Xander did plenty of that stuff during his first trip to Africa," Xander said dryly. "All by himself. That's how slayers got rescued and so did some others that needed help at the time." She glared at him. "Not my fault you're so damned determined to make me feel useless. Then again I have a ton more control than you do. Maybe you should work on that since you're shedding magic."

"I have perfect control," she sneered. "You can't tell because of yours being out of control."

Xander shrugged and lit up their auras. "Mine's contained. Yours looks like a tornado." She banished it and stomped over to get into his face. He stopped her. "Don't. Just...don't. Before I smack you around like you deserve, Willow fucking Rosenburg. You nearly killed me and the people I was on the plane with."

"So?" she sneered.

"If it had been a regular plane that would've been hundreds of people," Clint said. "Plus an act of terrorism. Though, since it was a SHIELD plane it's still considered an act of terrorism." He stared at her. "Watch me do my duty and send you to them, Rosenburg."

"They're nothing and need to stay out of slayer business."

"They do until you do things," Xander said. She shrieked and tried to hit him. He punched her. "That's for nearly killing me the other day. Should I start on the older ones that I need to beat you for?"

"Get in the car, Xander," Clint said quietly. "She's not worth losing your temper. Though, I'd like to beat her too. I'd have missed you and a few on the plane." Xander looked at him. "I would have." Xander snorted but got into the car. Clint stared at her. "Stay away from Xander, Willow. It's only causing everyone problems because you're an addict and you can't handle him being more powerful than you." He got in and drove them off. He had spotted the county sheriff coming up the road. He called in a report so someone could come save the locals.

***

Coulson got a report. "We have a witch going rogue in the midwest," he said as he came out. Melinda May was already correcting their course. "We're going to stop her fits, lock her down, and send her to someone to figure out what happened. It may be a natural occurrence thanks to a drugging or it could be a domestic dispute that got out of hand. No one's sure."

Ward handed over an email. "Barton sent it. It's Rosenburg."

Coulson looked at it, then called the cockpit. "Get us there faster, May. It's Rosenburg and who knows what she'll do." He hung up and read the contact report. "I'm impressed that Xander didn't flatten her." He put it onto the meeting table. "Any other good news?"

"Not yet," Ward said. "Are we tranquilizing her?"

"They don't work on witches. Especially that one." He led him down to the lab. "Fitz-Simmons, we need anti-witch gear for Rosenburg. She's trying to get free of a local jail."

"We have the null-field bracelets," Fitz offered, pulling them out. "It also nicely comes with a waist restraint belt and a collar if necessary."

Simmons smiled, pulling out two vials. "A tranquilizer that does work on witches. We used Xander's blood to test it against then looked at the samples in the system. It will work but may be a bit strong for milder witches."

Coulson smiled. "Good work. It should be a few hours."

"Put that tranq into a dart please," Ward said. "That way we don't have to get too close." They nodded, working on that. He and Coulson walked off talking about that. "What is her problem?" he asked.

"Rosenburg has a magic addiction. She's also got a strange superiority complex that's actually low self esteem in disguise." They went back upstairs. "It's like a weird 'I'm the goddess' thing with her but Xander's always been her whipping post. He protected her when she was young and from reports she used to try to mother him." Ward nodded. "By Harris' reports, she got magic after meeting Buffy and suddenly he was 'normal'. So therefore lesser because he was male and not gifted."

Ward shook his head. "Does Barton get that from the Avengers?"

Coulson paused. "I'd hope not but possibly some. I know he earned his way onto the team but now and then Clint might doubt. It's a good question." They walked into the meeting area. Skye was looking up the local maps for them. "Thank you."

"Welcome. She's done something to the sheriff's office. Satellite photos make it look like a huge plant."

"It's possible. She is a nature witch that did stupid things and landed into sorcery," Coulson said.

Ward looked confused. "There's a difference?"

"Witches use natural energy. Some use earth energy, some use more spiritual forms, we don't know too much about them. Sorcerers like Rosenburg usually use more ritual things or unnatural energy from somewhere. We've all thought that Willow was pulling hellmouth energy. She went from being a simple witch to doing things like a necessary resouling." Ward slumped, staring at him. "Angel. It's a huge file. Interesting read but huge file." That got a nod and Skye was looking it up for them. "We're fairly certain Rosenburg is no longer using simple witch powers. That she's stepped over the line to sorcerer. Harris ending up a mage, which is a higher class all together, has upset her fragile balance of 'I have power and Xander's less than me' so she's gone off the deep end again."

"Does he finally have control?" Ward asked.

"Yes. From what little we've talked about, he used the things he learned from shaman in Africa to gain full control of his gifts and consciously pushes them down. Which, again, comes in thanks to the team dynamic when they were younger. The agent that monitors the slayer's chat rooms said that Buffy was complaining about Xander handling things in Africa with Clint. Though she mostly blamed Clint for those and dragging Xander with him."

"When we know that Xander tried to lock Clint away from a few of them," Ward said. Coulson nodded. "Okay. How do we fix this outside of a lot of therapy?"

"I'm not sure if Rosenburg can't get around it. Her parents are therapists who write self help manuals." He smirked a tiny bit. "I got their licenses pulled a few years back because of their problems being passed on to Willow. I nearly had them on child endangerment and abandonment charges but there's no files from Sunnydale."

"If you warn the shrinks, they'll know how to get around her," Skye said. "They're used to cagey, smart targets." Ward looked at her. "You see a lot of them when you're a foster kid." He nodded once. She looked at Coulson again. "Is she going into the jail?"

"I do not know what SHIELD wants for her. If it's too strong, she'll be rescued. There's a fragile peace treaty between the Council and SHIELD. If we're too harsh on her, it would break that. Not that they don't want her fixed but they also know they need her help for apocalypse battles." The plane changed altitude. "Hopefully that means we're nearly there instead of her attacking us again."

"So that was the witch that attacked Xander," Ward said. Phil nodded. "Is he okay?"

"I'm not sure but I'm fairly certain if anyone can get him fully back to normal it's Clint. They've been friends for years. They've rescued each other. There's some sealed incidences that neither one will speak about, including some sort of drunken saving incident in Brussels. We have no idea what caused that one. Clint was on pre-mission setting up and suddenly there was a sealed file and a hangover of legends to hear him talk about it." He scratched his eyebrow. "All I know is that Xander saved him somehow and then they got more drunk. Then somehow there was a pack of succuba and a brothel involved." He shook his head. "No one's sure, even those two. Clint did the report while drunk and then made himself forget it and Xander doesn't remember anything."

Ward just nodded. "So them going on a supposed spring break style vacation to the Caribbean and getting kidnaped by Amazons that married them?"

"Apparently not outside the realm of normal for those two," Coulson agreed. Skye whined, shaking her head. "You both got to miss Clint saving Xander after one of his ex's kidnaped him and his slayer trainee of the time to marry him. He was making Xander work in his strip club before the wedding, which got invaded by demons at the end of it."

Skye looked at him. "Does Xander like women?"

"Yes, he does. The problem is that only dangerous ones like him. The director quit having agents follow Xander around on dates when most of them came back mentally cringing at some of them."

"Then the spirit that showed up, perfectly normal," Ward decided.

"Yes, mostly. Most of his other ones haven't been demonic that we know of." They heard the landing gear go down and went to the SUV. They drove to the police station, finding it being attacked by a large plant. The two lab geeks got out with a squirt gun that shot acid pellets. That took down the plant and they could hear Willow screaming at someone inside. Coulson held out a hand. "Tranq gun." It got handed to Ward. "Thank you." They handed him the spare dart in case he needed it. "Skye, stay. Come in if we need you. May, help them set up the sound machine." She nodded, taking the distracting white noise machine to put on the other side of the building.

He and Ward walked in together. "I'm Agent Coulson, this is Agent Ward, we're with SHIELD," he said quietly to the staring deputy. The deputy pointed in the back room. "Evacuate your people." He nodded, calling the others outside. He and Ward walked into the back room. Ward shot at Willow but she froze him. Coulson walked up to her, staring at her. "Willow, this is far over the line of what you should be doing," he said calmly and quietly.

"You're not going to do anything to me, you man!"

He stuck her with the sedative dart. "Yes, we are. Hopefully it includes therapy." She went limp so he caught her, putting her into a chair. Ward shook off the spell's effects. "How?"

"The protection Xander did for me. I had it inked on formally." Coulson smiled. "I didn't want that weakness with what we deal with." He looked at the petrified sheriff. "Can we help him?"

"I'm not certain." He called the Council. "Dawn, I need to speak to Rupert please. This is he, and yes it's about Willow. She's frozen someone in stone." She handed the phone over. "Actually it's not Xander, it's a sheriff, Mr. Giles. We are taking her into SHIELD custody and I'm going to suggest real therapy for her. It can only help." He listened. "I have no idea how to do that. Ward, try to see if you can help him break it." He took the phone to follow the directions. Nothing. May got called in with Skye. Nothing. Giles said he'd send someone out to handle it. They got Willow into formal SHIELD custody because Fury himself was landing his quin jet outside town next to the command plane. "Therapy," Coulson said, handing her over.

Fury looked at the witch then at his right hand. "Do you really think it'll work this time?"

"Yes. If the therapist knows that she's the daughter of two, it should." He smirked. "It can only help, sir. It might even break her problem with Xander that nearly got us killed and the one that makes her think she's the goddess."

"Point. Maybe. We'll be *gentle* on her. That way we don't have to tangle with Harris."

Skye handed over a report. "I got it from the deputy. She showed up to yell at them. Xander apparently decked her."

The director looked it over, smirking at the unconscious witch. "It's about time." He looked at it again then at Coulson. "Why is Barton with him? He got recalled to the team's little clubhouse."

"Banner and Rogers decided to dose Clint and Xander with truth serum, sir. Xander apparently evacuated them since only Clint was drugged." Fury winced. "They tried to say they wanted to debrief them about their trip. I made my displeasure known and I'm fairly certain Clint will be back there soon." He nodded at him. "Are you better?"

"I'm good. Xander went to hide again. He's upset with himself about Willow. Can I hit her just a few times?"

"When she's awake," Fury said. "That way she knows why you need to paddle her." He looked at him. "You good?"

"Better. The healers got it countered. Xander got me into a sweat lodge to get it out of my system. I'm okay."

"Good," Fury said. "Go back to the other idiots and kick their asses for thinking you're helpless."

"I'm going to," he said dryly. "It's about time I did." He looked at Coulson. "Going that way?"

"I thought the Hub," he admitted.

"Too dangerous," Fury said. "Take her to Beta base and drop her there. I'll send people to work on her idiot ideas there." He looked at Barton. "He finally hit her?"

"He's wanted to before but he had to remove the compulsion she put on him to protect her." He smirked a tiny bit. "He said he felt it snap and she did it before she got noticeable magic."

"So probably will based," Coulson said. "Interesting. Can any witch do that?" Clint shrugged. "We'll have to see."

"Hit the quin jet and don't hit the pilot," Fury ordered. Clint saluted him with a smirk and hiked over to it with his bag. He looked at Coulson. "You better?"

"I'm fine, sir, and I managed to get Xander to steal his weapons pack."

"Fine." He left, taking the file with him. He had the jet pause on top of Stark Tower, letting Clint rappel down, then landed at the base to handle the witch problem SHIELD suddenly had.

Clint walked in off the roof and stared at people. "Don't do it again. You have no idea how much harm you caused. Including that Xander doesn't *have* to help us if we need it." Rogers winced.

"His personality..."

"Is broken," Clint said. "He'll handle it if it's nearby. He's got battle burn out too, Doc." He smirked at him. "He might come if I'm in danger. The rest of you are screwed if we need magic since Rosenburg's in custody." He walked around them. "You both owe me sparring time."

"Sure," Steve sighed. "I didn't mean to make a mess of that." He flopped down, looking upset.

Natasha walked into Clint's apartment. "It took that long to detox you?"

"No. We were traveling. It helps and Xander fixed some things. Including punching Willow for some of her shit." He grinned. "She's going to be fixed if Fury has his way."

"It would be nice. He would come to help us during large battles."

"No he won't. Why would he help people he hates?" She flinched. "He'll be at Council emergencies. He'll be handling things around him. He might come if it's that bad and I need him. He said he's tired of battles, Nat, and I don't blame him. His whole life is now a paranoid mess because of his magic."

"If he had control..."

"He has perfect control. He has enough control to change how much he puts out and to handle things." She stared. "He learned in Africa. Again."

"That's good. Then the resort?"

"He's still mad at them. He went to renew the protections then left again."

"I think they wanted him to take them in."

"He would've protected them if they hadn't done that," Clint said with a small shrug. "Do you and I need to spar too?"

She shook her head. "I had nothing to do with that." She left him to unpack. She would be amused by watching them spar. It was long overdue for him to stick up for himself.

***

Xander looked up from the bench in the Central American jail he was in, shrugging at the look Hill was giving him. "They had the local slayer hostage. Is she okay?" It had been a long few weeks without Clint.

"She's fine even though she told the locals to fix their own issues, she was tired of saving people like them." She looked at the file in her hand. "A few of the problems you handled in Africa have complained." She looked at him. "A few consider you a warlord that needs to be put to death. A few consider you more dangerous."

Xander nodded. "I'm sorry about that but I'm not a warlord. I don't have an army. It's part of the definition."

"They don't really care, Harris. They're scared of you." Xander stared at her. "Not even for the new things you can do."

He shrugged. "I handled things as they happened. How many of them are trying to cover up a demon event?"

"Two out of the fifteen."

"The rest are corruption related?"

"All but two," she said, smirking at him. "The other two you took out the popular one."

"They were causing problems. If I walk into a village that's under attack, I'm going to help the villagers."

"Which is what both of those were. Thankfully you had kept Barton out of them." She held up the file. He took it to look over, shrugging and handing it back. "They can hand you over."

"They can," he agreed. "And I can get out of that." She stared at him. He shrugged. "I can ask for a favor. I'm owed a few. I'm owed two wishes to D'Hoffryn's people. She gaped. He stared at her. "I planned on saving them for major emergencies. I'm not against working in my own interests though. I'm not suicidal."

"Are you sure?" She shifted her weight. "You took on a compound full of armed, angry men who hated being saved by a young woman."

"With a sleep spell," he said, smiling at her. "It does help."

"It would," she agreed. "It didn't catch all of them or you wouldn't be healing a graze."

He looked at his arm then shrugged. "I've got a few others too and had worse on dates, Hill." She stared at him. "I have."

"It doesn't shock me that you have," she said. She cleared her throat. "What do you want to do about this? Fury wanted to take you into custody to give you a reformatting to clear those officially."

"Two of the Security Council aren't human," he said quietly. She gaped. He smirked. "Sure, I can come in, let you guys bandage things, then disappear. Maybe dinner too as long as you don't try what the assholes did."

"They'll never do it again. Barton kicked them around for it."

Xander nodded. "That's great but I already knew I didn't belong there, Hill. Clint and I had a fight about me going there with him because I knew I didn't belong there. A hero I'm not."

"Yet you save people," she said.

Xander shrugged again. "I don't like seeing people die."

"You're an anti-hero?" she snorted.

He nodded. "Pretty much, yeah. See, growing up around a hero, I'd never want to be one. Who wants all that shit piled on their lives? Especially with a destiny or higher beings who want to control you. Being a slayer sucks ass, Hill. You've seen it happen and I've seen it happen more often. We've seen the Powers That Be work to actively screw up a few of the slayers for their chess games for control of things. That's what happened to Brenda, and why I stepped in to save her."

"She's still in a coma."

"And it saved her," Xander said firmly, staring at her. "I *saw* what they had planned for her. Which I told Giles and Buffy. They both thanked me for knocking her out so they can't."

"That's bad," she decided. "Fine, you're an anti-hero." Xander nodded. "That's at least cool."

"I gave up trying to be cool in high school," he said. "It doesn't work for guys like me. Never has, never will." He grinned. "Besides, that's like a status thing and I gave that up long before meeting Buffy. Kids like me don't get status even if we end up millionaires. We're an abnormal blip on the radar and can sometimes be looked up to for it but we're outside all that status stuff the real higher ups crave. They crave status and recognition. I just crave a hershey bar right now."

She snorted but had the locals unlock the cell. "We have pudding in the infirmary." Xander shrugged, grabbing his overshirt so he could follow her. "The local slayer?"

"I sent her on enforced vacation to the regional head house in Brazil. She could use the beach time. I hope like hell the locals are prepared to deal with the large demon that's been slowly moving this way for the last two years." He grinned at the sheriff that had tried to beat him. "You have fun with that since you didn't want a slayer's protection. Call us if any of you survive." He got into the jeep in the backseat, relaxing. "Did you get my bags?"

"Yes," she said patiently, driving off. "Even your weapons bag."

"Thanks. It was nice Coulson got it to me." He stretched and winced a bit. She looked back at him. "They tried to prove they were more macho."

"Broken?"

"Bruises. Nothing broken. The healing spell got them this far."

"Good to know. Can we test that?"

"Not like I can just call it into being on nothing."

"I'll see if we have a patient we can test it on. Maybe Barton will have injuries."

"Their battle was today?"

"No, but he's been knocking sense into rookies. I'm sure he's got a few bruises."

"Sure, if I can. Healing's kind of an iffy thing for me sometimes."

"We can see," she decided, taking them to the airport. The helicopter was waiting and she got them on there. The pilot had stored Xander's bags in the cargo hold so Xander got to nap on the way up.

***

Coulson walked into Xander's temporary bunk room, looking at him. "You good?"

"I'm fine."

"Don't give me the answer you'd give the slayers, Xander. I need the real truth since we're going to test your hand-to-hand today."

"I'm still not great at bare-hand fighting." He stood up and looked at himself. "I'm good enough."

"Okay," Coulson agreed, taking him to the gym. He saw the minute Xander realized who he'd be sparring against. "I can ask for someone easier."

"I've taken down bigger and badder than him," he said quietly. He looked at his buddy's favorite handler. "How honest do you want me to be and do you want me to treat him like I would a slayer emergency? I wouldn't normally go all out with a human."

"He can take it," Coulson said. "If it gets too much for you, just give in." Xander nodded. "He's a very good fighter."

"So were a few vamps, Coulson."

"That's why I set up this test with him." He smiled. "I know you can do better than I think. We need a *real* set of levels so we know what you'll do if you jump into a battle."

"What makes you think I'll jump in for less than the end of the world?"

"They handle that stuff and we know you'll be there for those. The rest, I don't expect unless you're nearby." Xander nodded, relaxing. "Go warm up." Xander walked into the sparring room to stretch and take off his t-shirt. Coulson watched. Xander was stretching his arms and shoulders as he walked over. Steve was watching the younger man. Xander attacked first, something that wasn't in his usual profile, but it wasn't a great one. Steve smirked and attacked back, and that's when Xander stepped it up. Within minutes Xander was bleeding from a split lip and had an ankle that was swelling but he was still going.

"You can give up," Steve said.

"Give up isn't in my dictionary and I've fought badder than you," Xander panted. Then he moved back to do something else. Rogers at least yelped as his rib broke. The fight got harder and Xander somehow ended up with a dagger. Steve grabbed a weapon off the wall. That helped and Xander was better with a weapon.

"Shit," Clint muttered over and over as he came up the hallway. "He doesn't have a give up switch, Coulson." He walked in there and tossed Xander a staff. "Xander, fight to a draw," he ordered.

"I'm good," he slurred.

"Yeah, sure you are. You don't have a give up switch, Xander. He won't be dying like the bad things because you know you shouldn't kill him." He moved closer. "Go to a draw," he said more carefully, staring at him. Xander nodded. "Like you do with the cocky slayers."

"I can do that," he agreed, switching the dagger for a staff. Steve got his own and it was back on. Xander was at a higher disadvantage but he had fought with worse. Clint was in the corner. He could hear Coulson order to have a medic team on standby. Xander looked bad. He was still fighting though. Then Rogers seemed to give in a bit, give him an opening. Xander didn't take it but shifted out of the way. The demon that appeared got killed by Xander then he moved back to the original fight.

Rogers stepped back. "Hold, Harris." Xander spun the staff and attacked again. He blocked it, looking at Clint. Who didn't step in. So he kept going. Xander did get him onto the floor a few times. They were both exhausted and bruised. Then Xander stumbled. Magic came up and Clint stepped in to get between them. Xander didn't attack him and let Clint help hold him up. Steve Rogers looked at Clint then at Xander. "He's spunky and you two are a lot alike," he said quietly, patting Clint on the arm. "He's good. He's one of the better I've seen without a formal style."

Clint nodded. "I knew that." He walked Xander off. Xander struggled. "Hey, no, it's over with," he ordered. "It came to a draw, like with the slayers." Xander shook his head, getting free and throwing the dagger at something only he could sense. It bounced off the body a few inches from the wall. Steve pulled a gun and shot it. Still bouncing. Clint got the bow in there and used it. They had wooden practice tips. Less bounce. Xander attacked and his axe came into his hand.

The demon appeared, laughing. Clint called out for a silver weapon. Xander fought it until it died, panting as he leaned over. Clint walked over, helping Xander up. "Bending over makes it worse. Trust me." Xander was gulping air. "Let's go hit medical. I'll clean your axe," he said, taking it from him. Xander whined. "It'll be in my hand, Xander. Nowhere else. I'll sit in there beside you and clean it." Xander nodded, still reaching for it.

"No weapons on the infirmary," the medic reminded him.

"Shut up," Clint ordered. "He's not an agent so he gets perks." He followed the gurney, settling in with the cleaning kit Coulson gave him for the axe. They got Xander bandaged and stitched, then put him into a bed to rest on an IV. Clint leaned closer. "See, still have it."

"Keep her for now." He yawned. "I don't want her to disappear into some lab."

"I'd never let them do that to her, Xander. The same as I wouldn't let them do it to my bow." Xander nodded, falling asleep. He tried to wake when Clint moved so he stayed there.

Coulson walked in, handing over some metal polish. "That should help with the carvings. I noticed some tarnish."

Clint looked at it and nodded, wetting down a cloth to go over the tracings on the end of the handle. "We good, sir?"

"Director Fury was impressed. Rogers is highly impressed." Clint grinned. "He's got admiration for him. He also made the connection that you two are a lot alike." Clint nodded, still grinning. "When he's better, we can do the paperwork to get him out of those warrants in Africa."

"Why are there warrants?"

"Some covering up demon events, some corruption, sometimes he fought the ones people liked." He handed over the folder.

Clint slowly shook his head. "I was at most of those."

"Yes, but you're covered by SHIELD even though you weren't on an assignment."

"Then again, two members of the Security Council are demons," Clint said, staring at him.

"Possibly," he agreed. "I'm not the conspiracy theorist in SHIELD."

"Tell him to bite me and Xander," he said bluntly. "We're not pawns."

"I'll let the director pass on that message. He did wonder about a few of them." Clint nodded. "I don't have reports on most of them, Clint."

"They're locked on my cloud drive service."

Coulson smiled. "Thank you. Does Natasha have the passcode?"

"No."

"May I?"

"No." He called it up on his phone and sent those events to the local printer. "That's those and only those."

Coulson nodded, going to gather them and read them on the way to the office. "They were right to handle those things," he said as he walked in. He looked at the glaring people on the monitors. "I've heard two of you are demons. You are Council compliant?" One choked but he knew it wasn't her. He looked at the others, smirking at two. "We can check."

"That *abomination* will be ended," one hissed.

"Hmm. I wasn't betting on it being you." He looked at the director, handing over those files. "On the incidences noted in the warrants."

Fury read them over then glared at the Council. "Shut up." They gasped. He put them onto his desk. He saw the twinkle and smirked at one of them. "Nice trick."

"It changed the originals and the memories of the brat," she said smugly.

"I doubt it changed both of them's and Xander's fairly immune to memory spells. He has protections thanks to Miss Rosenburg's past misdeeds."

"She's nothing," she sneered. "A mere pissant pretending to have power."

"And yet, she's not," Xander said as he limped in. He let his powers come out, letting his aura come out. "Neither am I." They all gasped, staring at him. Xander smirked a tiny bit. "She was sucking off my powers for years and the hellmouth hid it." One was shaking his head. "Oh, yes. Me. Just the normal guy. Until Willow pissed me off for good."

"You're a danger to the world," one sneered. "Director Fury, take this being out."

"No. The guy's protected people for years. He's still doing it. I'm not taking out the only person who can take down Rosenburg if she goes rogue." He stared at the kid. "I know he won't give me any problems."

Xander stared back. "I think that's the other way around since you're the one with plans we have to work around." He looked at the Security Council, smirking at them. "The New Council of Watchers has a peace treaty with Director Fury and his assistant AD Hill. They don't do anything that would get us in their faces like trying to take slayers out or recruit them. We won't take them down and turn them all into pets." He waved a hand and the screens showed a few dogs, a goat, a toad, and one demon.

"Aww, can't your species change," Xander cooed, staring at it. He smiled and waved. "Bye-bye. Have fun on your home realm." The being screamed as he was sucked out of his room and realm to his original one, which had been destroyed. Xander looked at Fury. "Next time, ask," he complained quietly. "Not like we want to deal with those assholes. They have more plans than you do." He limped off. "I'm going to find a hotel."

"Go back to your bunk, Harris," Fury ordered. "It'll protect you until we can get those warrants removed." Xander shrugged but did as ordered. Fury took a deep, calming breath. This was bad. It was very bad. He looked at the pets then at Hill since she was in the doorway with Coulson. "I think he lost his temper."

"I think he's just done," Coulson said. "That was his version of 'I'm done'."

Fury nodded once. "He could use some time at the resort."

"Unfortunately the coven there caused a huge problem and Xander doesn't feel safe there, sir," Coulson said. "That's why he went to Africa and Barton followed."

"I get that. I don't know what," Fury said. Coulson showed him the private report he had taken. Fury grimaced. "No wonder."

"Since then he's not been able to do a lot of things beyond being angry."

"I get that. Especially since he's not that sort." He considered it. "Therapy?"

"Clint."

"That was a good reason. Make sure he was paid for that." Coulson nodded he had. Fury considered it. "Can we remove them?"

"We found out that most of the resort's staff was involved."

"Great." He grimaced. "The others?"

"We agreed it wasn't our fault, no one blames anyone, and it wasn't anything but a drunken night of mistake," Natasha said from behind Hill. "Why are we discussing this since their side could be taping?" Fury pointed. "They have assistants." She came in to hack into their systems to remove their footage and saved files. She paused at the one that got sucked home, smiling. "Nice." She finished up and looked at the director. "We do not blame him."

"I wouldn't," he agreed, turning off the cameras. "He is?" She nodded. "That figures. He's a good guy underneath. The sort we could never break into being an agent."

"He's a lot like a child between Coulson and Barton," Hill said.

"I'd have been honored to be his father," Coulson said. "He stepped in to save people without any training but he knew it was the right thing to do." He looked at Fury.

"Let them go back on their roadtrip. Once we clear up those warrants."

"Use Rosenburg," Coulson said. "That way we know what she can do and she sees what he can do."

Fury smiled. "I like the way you think, Coulson. Where is he now?"

"In his bunk with Barton still watching his axe," Hill said.

"Good. Make sure they can stay in contact." Fury considered it. "If they make a go of it, good. It'll be calming for both of them." Hill nodded. Coulson smiled. "Can they?"

"Don't know," Coulson admitted.

"Well, don't prompt it or anything but make sure he knows we'd accept it for him." He waved a hand. "Let me have a headache in peace, people." They left him alone. Fury sat down and shuddered. It could be worse and have his other assassin involved but she might contain some of the chaos those two caused together.

***

Clint woke Xander up that night, getting blinked at. "Want to hit a bar?"

Xander blinked a few times. "Dinner?"

"We can do that." He grinned, pointing at the tray on the table. "I had one brought up. Fury's decided if we do more than be friends it's okay so he's not paying any attention to us."

Xander grinned. "That's always a bad idea." He sat up, taking the tray. He ate quickly then showered. He came out looking at Clint. "How did you handle the guilt?"

"Remember Botswana?"

"Not really."

"What if you had screwed a few people down there?"

"Did I?"

"Would you feel guilty when I showed you the pictures?" Clint asked dryly. Xander considered it then shook his head. "Same thing only we were all drugged against our wills. None of us had planned on it, wanted it, or fought it. We do have to do something about the resort's coven though. They're nagging and smug."

Xander nodded. "I don't like that either. It went from feeling safe to being the most dangerous place I could be. I can't relax there anymore."

"Then open a secondary site. Leave that one to the witches of the world and make a new one with a better strip club, more practical shops, and the same protections."

"Can I do that?"

"Yeah. According to the will he had started to set up a second one but it was smaller."

"I guess it wouldn't hurt to look." Xander considered it. "What sort of bar?"

"I don't care. Just off base. Want tits or strip club or what?"

"I'm not sure I'm up to stripping."

Clint grinned. "We can see." He hauled him up. "Put on hot clothes. We need to look hot."

Xander nodded, grabbing stuff to put on. They snuck off the base together, going to a local strip joint. Not great but cheap beers tonight. They moved from there to a better bar with a dance floor. That helped them both loosen up. They went to a better class of strip club and it was nicer. Clint resisted the urge to get them both onto the stage but Xander wasn't wanting too hard. Maybe if they weren't in New York, where everyone knew he was an Avenger. He and Xander shared a look then Xander leaned over to hiss in his ear, making Clint nod. They disappeared from there. They made sure they had their wallets then went to the more fun clubs in LA. They had all sorts of fun out here and a few women danced between them. It was fun and one they let steal them to a backroom to play with. This club nicely rented rooms for VIP customers.

When they got done with her they got a few new drinks and changed bars to somewhere less hip. The cab driver dropped them at somewhere that looked dark and scummy but inside was more private. They had private table dancers that went from table to table. The drinks were expensive but better quality. The dancers talked them into dancing with one of them. That was nicer and they could have a good time here.

***

Natasha had checked Clint's room on the helicarrier, she had checked his room at the tower. Now she was checking Xander's temporary room at the base. No answer so she did what she did to those other ones, picking the lock quietly so she could check on Clint. No male bodies. She had no idea where they were or what was going on this time so she relocked Xander's door and headed up to the control deck. She squatted next to one desk. "Where is Barton?" she asked quietly.

"Last sighted in LA with a young man, two young women, and a leopard cub for some reason, Agent Romanoff." He found the footage the satellite had tagged for him.

She grimaced. "I know one of them from somewhere." She pointed. "Run her."

"Too grainy. Agent Hill already had me try."

"Thank you." She stood up and walked over to Hill's desk. "Where are they?"

"An upscale hotel in LA that is presently under SWAT action," she said, looking at her. She showed her the satellite feed. Natasha sighed. "No sign of the leopard cub."

"Great." They watched as more officers rushed in. They came out with the two women in cuffs. They came out with the leopard cub purring and trying to playfully pounce one of the officers. He was trying to pet her to keep her calm. Clint and Xander walked out together, shirtless but together and wearing sunglasses. Natasha leaned closer. "Xander is wearing Clint's sunglasses."

"Interesting to note but we agreed yesterday we don't care." She smirked at her coworker. "Do you care?"

"No. The others on the team I am not so sure of."

"You can beat them into submission if he can't."

"Very true." She walked off calling Clint's phone. No answer. She waited ten minutes and tried again. No answer. She waited another ten. A grunt answered. "Are you well?" she asked. She heard some unknown male voice tell Clint his phone was sounding like a girlfriend. He quipped as he answered. "Are you well?" she repeated. She listened to him report what had happened and that Xander was cuddly with a hangover, like usual. "Good to know. Are you coming back soon? I can arrange transport.... he can? That's handy." She hung up when the line went dead. Xander and Clint, still shirtless and wearing sunglasses, appeared and wandered off to their rooms. "Xander, down one floor," she said quietly. A smart woman would not pick on a guy like Xander when he had a hangover.

Clint grinned at her. "We're off today, right?"

"As far as I know the world is not expected to end this week."

"Even better. Xander said I could go with him to get his first normal tattoo." He grinned.

"I'm sure it'll be good bonding for you both." She stared at him. "What were they?"

"Mean to their leopard cub. The jewel smuggler tried to get it to castrate us." He shrugged but grinned. "It wanted to cuddle instead because she's in heat."

Natasha nodded. "Have a good nap, find me when you wake up for sparring." He waved, jogging to his bed. Natasha sighed, going to report that. Jewel thieves weren't usually on their list.

***

Two days later, Hill walked up to a jail cell in New York, staring at the two men in there. They were slightly bruised. A little battered around the edges, but looked happy. "What did you two do?" she demanded. "It had better justify Stark having to tell me you were arrested."

Clint shrugged, leaning against the wall. "We were playing pool talking about the tattoo Xander's getting in a few days. Two guys decided to sneer at me about having a friend, being an Avenger, and being an archer. He called me girly and I just let it go, shooting back he'd only know if he had looked and I didn't let guys like him look." She raised an eyebrow. "He stomped off in a girlish snit."

Xander nodded. "A teenage girlish snit."

"Then the other guy tried to pick on Xander. Told him he was nothing and obviously just a stoner or something. Xander kindly pulled up a video of him at a battle and held it up. The guy backed away and then screamed and ran off. Xander put the phone back and we finished the game. That one got twenty of their friends to come pounce us for knowing about demons." Hill huffed. "We were good, Hill. We only knocked them down and out. We let the police handle them. They were still there when the huge guy who looked like a sci-fi nightmare showed up to save his people. I don't know what sort of steroids he was taking or if he had strange implants but he looked weirdly muscled on top of weirdly muscled on top of pipestem arms."

"Like Popeye on steroids," Xander put in from where he was laying down with a hand over his eyes.

"Without the sailor suit," Clint added. "He showed up to nag us about picking on the local guys. We pointed out we didn't, we just defended ourselves when one of them got dumb and decided we were fair game. So he took a swing at Xander, who he thought was easier. Xander blocked it and hit back. He went down. The others in the bar and his gang showed up to help him." He grinned, showing a cut on the inside of his lip. "Their girls were tougher than the guys but it was only fourteen against us."

Hill sighed, looking at the officer waiting on her. "Are they going to be arraigned today?"

"They're in protective custody, ma'am."

"Because we were doing really good but there was a plant demon in the bar and he called in that I had been jumped. So a few demons showed up to watch the fight," Xander said with a nod. "And that scared them. Then we had to beat their asses to keep them off the demons." Clint nodded. "And their buddies that showed up to protect them, including two supposed knights. We had a talk with them about the Council way. One snorted so I knocked him into next month with a hex and the other one decided it was a good idea so I introduced him to the demons by species and let them introduce themselves. They asked him to handle something minor going on since they decided I must be here for something huge. Then they congratulated Clint on hanging onto me for so long." Clint grinned, patting him on the head. "They're very happy that we defended the harmless ones that said they came to stare in awe at me."

"More of the peaceful demons were showing up to stare in awe at him," the officer told Hill. "So we promised we'd bring them somewhere safe and call his partner so she could come pick them up. Is she a slayer?"

"No, she's just well trained," Clint quipped with a grin. "She's my work partner."

"That's a great thing then. The local slayer is a bit of an airhead."

Xander looked at him. "Since when has Vadma been an airhead?"

"She graduated so we have Tiffy," the officer said with a grin. "She's sweet but clueless."

Xander shuddered. "I'm so sorry. Watch out for her and cotton candy. She still believes it's demonic. She might try to destroy it because she thinks eating it will turn you or at least infect you with demon parts." The officer winced. "She's good on the physical stuff but she'll 'eww' about her clothes until the demons give up and stomp off. She's done it *many* times."

"Did she learn it from Buffy?" Clint asked.

"No, she's always been like that. The cotton candy thing comes from her mom." He looked up at him. "We were giving the slayer sex ed talk. I got roped into it so I could tell them what shitbags guys are, direct quote from Buffy." He grinned. "She still believed in the stork. Even though she'd had sex she still believed in the stork. She tried to make them work together by the stork bringing the fertilized egg to implant." Clint grinned. "I like Tiffy. She's a sweet girl as long as she's not needed to get dirty. Or do chemistry, which she decided was what had infected Willow to make her evil."

Clint smiled at the officer. "Does she have a backup team?"

"Yes, sir. We have a few officers who are always on call for her to get messy for her. They even taught her about coveralls."

Xander grinned. "They can be handy. Tiffy, I can smell the apple perfume."

"I'm not dumb," she pouted, coming out of the shadow.

"I didn't say you were dumb, I said you were sweet and naive," he said. He smiled at her. "You're not dumb, you can do algebra in your head. I flunked algebra with Willow cheating for me." She perked up and grinned. "I know you're not dumb, but you're very unique."

"It's a good thing I didn't want to be Buffy for real. Vampires make sucky dates and your dating time is limited to nights. No walks in the park or anything." She smiled at Agent Hill. "Hi, I'm the Slayer Tiffy." She hugged her.

Hill patted her and got free. "I'm Senior Agent Hill of SHIELD. I'm Agent Barton's boss."

"Awwwwwww! That's so cool!" She grinned at Clint. "Can you tell Dr. Banner I'm a *huge* fan? Even when he's green?"

"I can do that."

"Cool beans! Thanks, Clinty."

"Clint, not Clinty," he said dryly, smirking at her. She just grinned back. "So can we go?"

"You can go," the officer agreed, letting them out. "They found the Knights we've been wondering about last night, Tiffy."

"I hexed one and the other one's working with the community," Xander said, pausing to give her a hug. "You're too damn skinny again. Go eat something. Before I have to tell Faith to nag."

Tiffy blushed but grinned and bounded out with them chattering the whole way. They went to a deli and she even bought since she ate nine times what the guys had. Agent Hill was amused but the slayer did have a naive grace to her. When Hill got back she handed the director the tape of the incident. He watched it, his good eye twitching at the cuteness. Hill smiled. "That's the local slayer, Sir."

"I can tell. The boy does good nagging her. Where are they?"

"Barton's quarters. We let Xander move up to his and hover on his couch."

"That's fine. I'm sure they're used to sharing a tent. That muscle guy?"

"I sent an order to look him up on the city's cameras." She looked out there. "Anything?" They brought in a picture and a copy of his state ID card. "He's a wannabe wrestler," she said, handing it over.

Fury looked at him. "Those have to be fake. Muscles don't look like that naturally."

"There's implants for everything these days," the lesser agent said. "Including pecs, sir." He went back to his seat.

Fury shook his head. "I don't know why anyone would do that."

"Some people can't build real muscle, even with a gym membership they use," Hill said. "The boys are finishing their sleeping it off." She went back to her desk.

***

Natasha walked onto the command deck, looking at Hill. "Are they off having fun again?"

"The last I knew they were still in Barton's room." She got into the cameras, finding them not in there. She ran it back, finding six figures in black carrying the guys out a few hours earlier. "How did we get invaded and not know?" she demanded. Agents on the command deck stared at her. "People, we had two people stolen from an agent's room! How did we not see this?" she demanded.

Natasha looked at the pictures. "She has never shown an interest in Xander." Hill turned to glare at her. "That is Misery's people."

"Fuck," Fury said. "Someone pull up the files." They pulled up the security cameras and ran it back once Hill had selected a time. They were subtle but not totally subtle. They had gassed a few agents. Hill sent teams to get them to the infirmary. Fury sent a team to get them back. They came back in a large shipping crate that night, tied up and drugged so they were giggling and cuddly. This was probably a bad thing.

***

When Natasha and her rescue team got to Xander and Clint in the backwoods of upper India, they were not amused to find the guards all working for Clint, and him being treated like a pasha with Xander napping next to him in monkey form. Natasha paused, staring at him. "Is this like how you got the resort?"

"Not exactly but we decided Misery needed mercy and she's told them all to treat me well. Xander, Nat's here," he said, petting the sleeping monkey.

"You named your new pet after your friend?" one of the agents asked.

Xander changed back. "It happens when I'm sick."

"He's coming down from malaria again," Clint said. He stood up. The ladies around them pouted, one of them petting over Xander's hair. "I have to go back home to be an Avenger. Sorry."

"Can we keep the other Master?" one of the girls cooed, petting Xander while leaning her chest against his back.

"No, sorry. I need Xander to help me with stuff." They pouted.

Natasha looked at them then at Clint. "Do I want to know?"

"Probably not," he said with a grin.

"Sire," one of the gate guards said as he came in. "We have hauled the jet into the gates and hidden it because the corrupt locals are coming up the road to try something." He nodded at the agents. "That way you'll be safe for now." He went back out front.

Xander got free and stood up, going out there. He climbed up onto the fence, staring at the man that got out of the fancier-than-it-needed-to-be car. "Yes?"

"Where is the mistress of this house?" he demanded.

"Gone." The man spluttered. "She left things to us when she left."

"Who are you?" he demanded.

"Watcher Xander Harris." The man backed up, looking horrified. All his people did as well. He grinned. "We're working on things, including making this a possible training center for the slayers. What problem did you have with her? We may be able to fix it peacefully."

"She was evil," one of the guards said. "She took out men."

Xander nodded. "I've had to do that too. I was in Africa for years. People attacked others." They all stared at him. He smiled a tiny bit. "I am not the sort to walk into an attack and do nothing, gentlemen. As for Misery, she's no longer here. We are taking good care of her people. We are figuring out how to change her legacy so it'll work for those of us who do good."

"She has not paid her taxes," the official sneered.

Xander stared at him. "I've seen worse bribe wanting from Ivory Coast pirates. I defeated them." The man's eyes went wide and he started to shake. "Slayers do not pay bribes. We also do not *have* to be at demon emergencies. Do remember that." The man swallowed, nodding. "Now, is there anything else that is needed since you now know I'm not evil and I don't pay bribes?" They got into the cars and headed off. Xander grinned and waved. "Have a good day, gentlemen." He made sure the spell to keep them from the property was laid well before going back inside. "I laid protections on the cornerstone."

"That's good," Natasha said. "What did he want?"

"Bribes. Probably to rape any women here. His people were less than usually dressed. I told them I was thinking about training slayers here." The girls all cooed at him. He smiled. "We should be safe."

Clint hugged him. "Nice job." Xander grinned back. "Think it's safe to go?" The women all went on a wailing fit. "Ladies," he said firmly. "You knew we couldn't stay for good."

Natasha looked at them. "What did you do to them?"

"We treated them like ladies instead of slaves," Xander said.

"It did help," Clint said. "Misery's down in the cells. She asked for one of her concubines to be with her and he agreed. We haven't checked on her in a few days because it looked like she wanted one last good one." Natasha sent agents to check on her." He looked outside because it started to rain hard. "Wow, monsoon season," he sighed. "When is the next clear time?" he called.

"Two days. The storm is due to be hard for two days and then minor rain for the rest of the week," one of the guards yelled back. Someone brought in a printed weather report. "The winds will be too high to take off."

Natasha looked it over, nodding. "It is supposed to be." She handed it to Clint, who nodded. "Are you well otherwise?"

"We're good," Clint said, looking at Xander, who nodded. He grinned at her. "Since you can't go tonight, let's let you rest."

"Thank you," she said. She made a hand motion. "Set shifts." They moved to do that. The agent that had went down to check on their prisoner came back up to hiss in her ear. "You were right, she wanted a last one."

"She take him with her?" Xander asked.

"Yes, sir. They're cuddled together and he looks happy," that agent said. Xander nodded. "I'll take first watch on the jet, ma'am." She nodded.

"Let me start on dinner," Clint said.

"I can cook," Xander said.

"It's not over an open fire, Xander. You don't use a stove." He smirked at him. "Stay, let the ladies spoil you." Xander yelped as they pulled him down to fuss over him but Clint got knocked down by one, who sashayed off to go cook. "Sure, you can cook if you want."

Natasha followed her to look over the kitchen. "One of us is allergic to peanuts." It was a test because no one was. The woman nodded and made sure the food didn't have any. She came back out to stare at her partner. "Are you okay otherwise?"

"I'm good. No torture, no questioning, nothing mean. How did we get here?"

"They snuck people in to steal you both from your room."

"Ah." Clint nodded. He looked at Xander. "I owe you that five bucks." Xander grinned. "Remind me when we get home."

"I can do that or the next time I'm short." Tea was brought out and Xander tasted it then let the others have it. Natasha stared at him. "I can do a healing charm if there's anything in it."

"Good to know." She settled in with them. They had to discourage the women from keeping Xander and Clint. They were being possessive and clingy. Even worse than the resort's cadre of witches.

***

Maria Hill and Tony Stark walked into the room where Willow was waiting on them. "We're going to use your skills," Hill said. "Mostly because it's your person they want out of the way for helping people."

Stark handed over a laptop. "This is specially designed. You can get into the files you need but nowhere else outside of gmail since we noticed you've been checking your mail. All the files you need are on there. I put some very hard to break tracking software on it. You're testing it for schools."

She nodded, grimacing. "Who did what? I've had to remove a few files in the past."

"They're using Xander to cover up for corrupt officials," Hill said. Willow sat up straighter, staring at her. "On there are the reports they filed with Agent Coulson. Also supplementary ones that Agent Barton didn't feel like filing during his time helping Xander get over things. We've been over there so we know what's going on. You are to go over them, remove or modify files as necessary, remove the warrants out for them, and then make sure their other files are suitably sanitized."

"By which you'll prove your skills and worthiness to keep breathing the same air I do," Stark told her, staring at her. "Because right now, all the avengers are all for sinking you into a thorazine coma somewhere so you can't hurt Clint again."

"Thorazine doesn't work on us," Willow said quietly. "It'd send my magic into a wild death spiral."

Tony shrugged. "That solves some issues too." He stared at her. "We'll be watching." He left.

Hill nodded. "I'll be monitoring it as well, Miss Rosenburg. We do not need people coming after our agent or your trainer for handling things." She left.

Willow got into the computer once it was plugged in. She stared at the files she had access to. She got into the reports from Xander first. She was used to his style. When she got to something she couldn't understand, she opened up Clint's files to look at them. Clint's had details Xander's didn't. She didn't want to believe what she saw but why would Clint lie to his bosses? She looked at the sites they had bookmarked for her, getting into their files. They looked a whole lot worse. Xander, her Xander, had done this? This looked really bad.

***

Fury was waiting when the quin jet landed three days later. He stared at them. "What happened?" he demanded.

"Monsoon rains meant we couldn't leave immediately," Natasha said, getting out of the way. She would not mention the ornate braided hairdo she now had. Clint had gotten tired of her staring at them so had the women do that for her. Xander and then Clint came out last.

"The idiot who took you two?" Fury asked.

"She wanted one last night with her favorite concubine, who went with her," Clint said. "That was before the rescue team got there."

Coulson walked up there, staring at them. "Good, you're fine." He pointed them to go inside. "Xander, Willow would like an email after she apologizes. We had her fixing the problems in Africa." Xander stared at him. "She looked into each event, wrote a factual, not diminished report, on what happened, and then fixed all the warrants. Clint, Stark was looking over her shoulder so some of them got shared."

"Would that be the riding the hippos to cross the river incident?" he guessed.

"I believe that was one, yes, but there was also the village full of maidens who were panicking?" He smirked a tiny bit when they both groaned. "Also something about the hell goddess you took on last, not the other two." Xander nodded, sighing at the end. "Xander, she has shared those with Mr. Giles so he has accurate reports. I believe he went on a binge and called his old friend to swear at him for tainting you toward chaos magic."

"Figures. Am I still employed?"

"Yes. Mr. Giles will be up tomorrow to talk to you." Xander sighed again but nodded. He patted him on the arm. "He was not mad at you," he said quietly. "Only that you cut down what you did to girl-friendly levels." Xander shrugged.

"Thanks," Clint said. "Let me get us to my bunk."

Xander frowned. "I can get a hotel."

"Unless you're tired of his snoring, go to the tower with him, Xander," Coulson said. Xander scowled at him. "It's safer. They have new protections they want to check. They might ask you to fire some harmless magic against them. They will not bother you. We can do your physical here so they don't have to. Then you can rest."

"I guess," he complained. Clint put an arm around Xander's shoulders, walking him off to the infirmary. "We can go over what we wanted to change about the resort."

Clint nodded, smiling at him. "We can and figure out what to set up in the new one."

"New one?" Fury demanded.

"We're going to let the old one be turned more nature friendly," Xander said. "We'll move the rest somewhere without that coven." He grinned. "We looked at the photos of the site the old owner had set up. It'll do pretty good."

"Must you?" Fury asked.

"Yes. Because I don't want to go back to the other one."

"Ditto," Clint agreed. "It's got a larger field too. That way we can put in what we want to have instead of the touristy shops that aren't doing as good."

Xander looked at him. "You sure we can hire some of her people to help?"

"Yup. They were good to us and not pushy. They'll do fine." He walked him off. "What are you doing for Halloween?"

"Praying like hell for no chaos sorcerers acting? Same as usual?"

"Stark throws a party."

Xander paused then smirked evilly at him. "I have just the costumes." Clint smirked back. They got through the infirmary after a few minutes and protesting they didn't need to have their butts checked for sexual activity. The medics snorted but let them go. They went to Clint's room to rest and go over the ideas. It was a great plan and they could easily do that.

***

Xander walked into a bar where some of his lovers hung out, putting down a note on the bar with a smile for the bartender. "The nudist resort that they go to has a new option that'll be opening next year."

"What nudist resort?"

Xander looked back in the office. "We're opening a new resort."

"Good! The witches there have pissed most of us off." He came out to look at the note. "Next year?"

"Have to build an airfield. Get a boat. Build the new resort." He smiled. "Same protections were already laid. Same rules apply."

"Good! What about the old one?"

"We're going to encourage more nature witch sorts and hippies and happy eco people to go there instead."

"Even better. Will we still have the spa?"

"Yeah and we found some nice people to run it thanks to the woman who wanted Clint." He grinned. "We'll send out a formal announcement when we've got it nearly ready to open."

"That'll work for us." He patted him on the arm. "Why are you in town?"

"They got us back from the lady that wanted Clint. I'm going back there to talk to Giles. Fury had Willow going over the places that wanted to arrest me for handling things. Giles is a tiny bit freaked out."

"Yeah, not as much as a few of your ex's, Xander. Can't you behave?"

"I needed that trip and it happened near us."

He stared at him. "Uh-huh."

"What happened in Botswana?"

He grinned. "No one's speaking of that." Xander rolled his eyes. "Maybe you can lap dance that out of someone tonight?"

"Maybe. I don't know what's going on yet."

"That's fine. Go meet up with the freaked out Mr. Giles. I'll spread this around." Xander nodded, going back to the base. He smiled at his bartender. "You'd like the resort but it's a nudist one. Very calming." He went back to his office to spread that news around.

Xander went back to SHIELD, getting there as Giles was checking in. The guards glared at Xander, who shrugged. "The big cocksucker in charge said so." They glared harder. Their boss came out to tell them to leave Xander alone. He'd break their system if they tried to use it on him. Giles gave Xander that impatient look. Xander shrugged. Once they were on the elevator he shrugged again. "No idea how that got started," he said quietly. He took him up to the office. "Agent Hill?" She looked over. "Why do I supposedly break the system?"

"Because it's got a virus. Not due to Willow but still virused. If we note you in any way it'll overwrite our system," she said dryly.

"Huh. Is Peter that bored?"

"Thank you," she said, calling Natasha. "We have the name of Peter. Then ask Barton." She hung up. "He's waiting."

"Fine." Xander walked into the office. "He's here."

"You're still going to treat me that way?" Fury asked with a smug look.

"Yup, because I got a vision last night of you having a plan that may get us all dead. Since the only way to solve it is me going back in time to take over someone's identity and then be brainwashed and mechanized so the focus changes from one guy to another...." He stared at him. Fury's mouth opened. Xander grinned. "He'll come because they don't want him to have that key to the lock."

"Fine. Thanks for the warning that old prophecy is coming to haunt us now."

"I told Clint."

"I'll see where the report is. Any other visions?"

"Something about Ward and an energy crystal but no idea why. That's all I got a flash of. I sent that to Coulson through Clint."

"Good. Thank you. Let's talk about you and your travels, kid." Xander sat down with a sigh. Giles took the other seat. "You've probably read the reports."

"Yes, I have. Including the other ones that Willow found that I was not aware I needed to read." He looked at Xander. "Since when are you a god of war?"

Xander laughed, shaking his head. "I was there, Giles, that's all that happened. I lucked into some weapons when I needed them. Maybe some of the latent magic was helping."

"Latent magic would not have accounted for Alantha waking up while you were driving by," Giles said dryly.

"Which one was she?"

"The one with two heads," he said.

"Oh, the female Janus one. The only reason I knew she woke up was because I felt something really wrong shift around me. I thought it was a higher demon appearing but since nothing showed up I asked at the next village about any weird things going on. They said they had found an ancient temple a few miles off and people were looking at it. That would be the first few slaves she had that we couldn't save."

"So they woke her up?" Giles asked.

"As far as I could tell. She sniffed me, went into fits of glee about hellmouth energy and wanting to suck it out to create her next lifeform/baby, and I let her close enough to stab her in the chest with my blessed dagger. When she was down I beheaded her. That ended the spells on the newer minions and the earlier ones died of the sucking she did."

"When you say things like that you make it sound so normal," Fury said.

Xander shrugged. "It is normal. These things happen. What did you want me to do, ignore it? She probably would've hunted me down for the hellmouth taint and been stronger when she did it."

"Perhaps," Giles agreed. "How many incidences were there that you did not report?"

"Not that many, why?" he asked, starting to shift uncomfortably.

A happy, smirking man strolled in and put a mirror on the desk then activated the spell. He patted Xander on the head. "Janus said it must be known before someone even worse tries for your attention. This way they know to guard you." He disappeared before anyone could grab him.

"Gee, thanks," Xander called. "Really helpful, Ethan." He rolled his eye, looking at Fury. "Ethan Rayne."

"I know. We have a file on him." He stared at the young guy. "How far back does that go?"

Xander looked at the frozen image. "It looks like when I was a kid." He shrugged. "I don't tend to scry all that often. I learned how to then don't use it."

Giles cleared his throat and touched the mirror to start the spell. When it went speeding past, Giles paused it and sent it back. "I was with Ethan when he created this spell."

Xander leaned over to touch their joined hands on it, mumbling something. Then he sat back until they were engrossed in the image. He snuck off, heading out to get away from the nagging he knew was coming his way. He ran into an ex sitting just outside and went with him to lunch. Until someone tased his date at the table and then hauled him up to walk him off. "It was just lunch," he complained.

"He was carrying three vials of a biological weapon earlier," she said firmly. "We do not want his sort in the US."

"Sorry. I didn't know that!"

"Which is why you're not being punished," she said, shoving him into a car, which drove off. She shook her head, going in there to gather her bad guy of the day. Xander would do fine going to lunch with Clint somewhere safe. Stark had arranged it because he wanted to see if they were *together* or just traveled together.

***

Fury shook his head as the memories quit playing, rubbing over his bad eye. "Your boy needs drugs."

"I believe the reason for that is a certain redhead. We should let her see how she's affected his life." He sighed, leaning back. "Well, now we know what they didn't report."

"It won't save Barton's ass. If I have to I'll show Romanoff so she can beat him to death for not calling in backup." He looked at the empty seat then at the other director of a semi-secret organization. "We need to make sure he doesn't have that much work to do."

"Indeed but I have no idea how to do that."

"I can find you response teams."

"That would be nice. The girls would appreciate being backed up as long as it wasn't someone out to test them or to get the attention."

"No, I think we can find some decent agents who just want the world to keep going."

"They would appreciate that but do warn them the girls all flirt. We do try to keep them being mostly normal young women."

Fury nodded. "I've seen. A few even tried on me. I told them they were real brave for it."

Giles cleared his throat but smiled and handed something over. "Willow said she needed access so got Dawn to lift it. She had been taught by Spike you see."

Fury tapped his former pass a few times then shook his head. "Your girls are neat, I like them. I'd like them to have less work...."

"We all would appreciate less work," Giles said.

"Good, then let's work on that together."

"May we have Willow back?"

"No. Her therapist said it's not a good time yet. She's still backsliding into 'I know best' land and she said it's hard going breaking that but within a few months she'll have it chipped down to over-confidence instead. You can write her." He tossed over a label. "Her therapist's office."

"That would be helpful, thank you. Buffy does miss her."

"That's because it validates her own issues with men."

"Well, yes, and Willow's not really the judgmental sort when Buffy dates someone I'd want her to take out."

"I feel the same way about Barton's recent dates," Fury complained. "Maybe Harris is an infection in that stuff. Barton's former wife was decent enough."

"Has Xander met her?"

"Yup, walked up to her after an incident once, handed her a pink rose, kissed her on the cheek while she was horrified, and said Clint told him to wish her a happy birthday since he was in the middle of nowhere being pissed off. She was not all that amused at her ex that night. Then he told her about Xander so she went on a potential mothering kick that the kid ducked. Whenever they're together somehow he'll buy her a coffee or something. It's gagging and annoying but she likes it for some reason."

"Yes, women do appreciate such things." Giles smiled. "Does Clint do the same with some of Xander's ex's?"

"No, he likes to kill them," Fury said. "That's a pretty well-liked opinion of his ex's around here. Even Hawkeye's ex has taken a few out." He stared at him. "If my guy and your guy get together, I'm all for it because it'll stop that."

"I have no idea what Xander would want on that topic. Though it is nice that Anya's ghost is now teaching the mini slayers about vikings." He sighed. "I must have someone banish her later," he muttered.

"She went to flirt with Thor."

"Yes, she told us all during dinner how she used to want to go to him as a virgin sacrifice before she married. He was about eighteen then and she thought him better than any current movie star."

"He heard," Fury said with an evil smirk.

"Yes, she's visited a few times. It's not all that odd really. Anya was quite her own woman when she was alive, or as a demon."

Fury nodded. "We can tell."

Thor walked in looking displeased. "My father said we must make peace with the Midgardians for what has been wrought and because there are many battles coming."

Giles looked up at him. "What sort of treaty did he want?"

"He wanted the maiden valkyries down here to marry one of ours."

"The slayers are more than allowed to date," Giles said. "Most don't stay maidens either. Like all warriors they do tend to relieve stress between battles." Thor smirked a tiny bit. "If they'd like to propose a few I'd be more than willing to let the single slayers meet them. That way they could find someone compatible. Because I'm certain a forced union would do no one any good when they die by someone's hand. Even if Xander would have to do so himself to spare the girls."

Thor nodded. "That is more reasonable. He will select a few and send them down?"

"That's fine," Giles agreed. "We have no known battle coming up for the next month or so. We can host an informal picnic so they can meet. That way my girls don't have to all shop the mall bare."

Thor nodded. "That is a wise idea. I will pass that on." He looked at Fury. "Your agents?"

"If they hit it off, I'm not against it."

"Thank thee." He went to call home about that. Anya appeared beside him, staring at him. "You wanted what?" he asked her, trying to stay polite. He couldn't banish or kill her so he was trying politeness to drive her away. Jane had suggested it since the shade had peeved her so.

"With the prophecies of Ragnarok coming true soon; shouldn't you worry more about those that would set things off being the best married off so they're not involved?" she asked.

He blinked a few times. "That may not solve it."

"It may solve it and the king of all that can marry the queen of slayers, who only likes them dangerous, deadly, and liking weapons."

"They named her their queen?"

"No. Buffy was the last single slayer called. Then she died and it was her and Kendra, then her and Faith, then her, Faith, and all the rest were activated. Faith is the last slayer called, Buffy is the last single slayer called. Also, she's died and come back so many times we're not sure she's not immortal." She floated closer. "Buffy only likes those who are predators. Those who can hunt with her and feel the same energy during battles." Thor stared, mouth open. "She needs a warrior who is strong yet not too uptight like you are. One who is a bit dirty would probably work well. She still patrols each night but she likes her men dangerous."

Thor blinked a few times. "I know of a few who may suit her but not that many."

"Everyone involved in the Council, most of the demon communities, and SHIELD would love for Buffy to find a real mate to lay with. Someone like your brother would be an excellent match."

"Too bad he died."

"Did he?" she asked, staring at him. She smiled. "Considering the vision of the next battle had him there?"

"You put doubts in my head."

"Yes, on purpose. Think about Loki having the evil screwed out of him, Lord Thor, and Buffy being supported by someone who could actually do the work. Plus, instant peace treaty by the marriage. Instant happier slayers because their head slayer is happier and squealing nightly. As long as he's not lame in bed it should be good for everyone because he'll be too busy helping her to start Ragnarok." She gave him a smug look.

"He's still dead."

"Ask Giles. He's seen the vision."

He went back inside. "The shade said that my brother was spotted at the next battle?" he asked.

Giles looked up at him. "There's visions for four upcoming battles, all within the next year. Which one?"

Anya floated in. "The one here with the portal thingy. He was spotted next to Amanda in the vision."

Giles pulled that vision up while Fury looked at his copy. Giles nodded. "A large, thinnish male with dark, limp hair. Green coat...."

Fury growled. "That is Loki." He looked at Thor.

"I thought him dead," he said.

"But he'd be the *perfect* one for Buffy. Dangerous, deadly, not *totally* evil, probably at least not lame in bed or she can fix that. Interested in reordering the world, so all that stuff with the demons would have someone besides my former pookie to handle treaties." She smirked at Giles. "We can contain his tendencies to want to rule the world. We do with Willow. Plus, instant treaty there. The queen of the slayers and the prince of evil screwing it out of each other. Less chance of Ragnarok happening soon."

Fury blinked at her. "It is?"

"It's possible," she said with a grin. "Xander had a partial flash of a vision about fighting in the woods on part of Asgard with some huge werewolves. Without Clint for some reason."

Fury nodded once then looked at Giles. "They should meet."

"I didn't particularly like him having the world invaded to take it over."

Anya snorted, waving a hand. "She's dated worse, Giles. I mean, she dated *Spike* for Goddess' sake! *Anything* has to be better than the dead penis society and Buffy might even have little slayers. The girls would like that. Buffy might like that because it'd mean no going on patrols for a while. With her track record of dead penis members and commandos, Loki's a real step up and he has class. Even if he's a bit evil but so is Willow so she's used to calming that stuff down." She smiled. "Plus his allies couldn't get to him down here. We need another magic user at the Council because they're all giving Xander funny looks for doing it a different way."

"How did he gain control?" Giles asked.

"The shaman taught him how." She grinned. "My poor, sad, undersexed pookie learned a lot from them. Including shielding he taught the snuggly Clint one. They'd be so hot," she moaned. "I need to go watch them. They're betting on whether or not they're together." She faded out.

Thor looked at Giles. "I would like to meet this girl."

"Buffy will be up tomorrow for the conference we need to hold," Giles said.

"That is good. I'll see if I can find where my brother is hiding. It can only be good for everyone." He walked off scowling. His brother needed to be beaten half to death before being handed to a wife.

"That may have actually stopped a much moaned about problem," Giles said.

"On our end too," Fury agreed. They smiled at each other. "I'll help do security for the wedding if they don't elope."

"We'd need some. Buffy has an unfortunate happy event curse." He sent her a message to be more than presentable as there were higher ups from Asgard coming to the conference. He suggested she run her outfits past their head doctor. She was nicely conservative and British.

***

Xander got out of the car when it stopped, spotting the picnic stuff. "Clint, did you get bitten by something that poisoned you?" he asked as he walked over.

"Stark was running a betting board about us screwing. I got dropped here on my way for my jog." He handed him a beer and opened the basket. "We have chicken and potatoes, not salad but baked chunks with cheese. We have fruit, cheese, and crackers. We have another two beers each. We have paper plates and stuff." He looked at him.

Xander sat down, drinking the first sip of his beer. "Your friends are warped."

"Yeah, just a bit. It's the spandex. You put on spandex and you get warped from all the too-tight stuff." He grinned. Xander smirked back. "What were you doing?"

"I was at lunch with Paul. He met me outside SHIELD and took me to lunch until your partner tazed him and then dragged him off for having biological weapons."

Clint nodded, grinning a tiny bit. "She's good at that. Let's eat?"

"Okay." They dug in and ate, getting comfortable until Anya showed up.

"Xander, can't you make me corporeal?" she begged. "I miss orgasms."

"Sorry, I have no idea how to do that without setting off the First Evil stuff."

"Shoot! I miss my orgasms. They don't have vibrators in hell and there's none here on the ghostly plane either." She pouted. "We're hatching a plot."

"Is it a good one?" Clint asked.

"We want Loki to marry Buffy since Asgard wanted a treaty." Clint choked.

"Interesting," Xander said, taking another long sip of his beer. "Very interesting idea." Clint glared at him. "Think about it, Clint. What's the downside to having his evil fucked out of him? Of having him fight *with* the slayers? Of someone straightening out Buffy's love life?"

"He's *Loki*," Clint said.

"Yeah but she's used to handling evil with Willow," Anya said with a grin. "It was my idea."

"I love your evil minion tendencies," Xander quipped.

"What if he tries to take over the slayers' minds?" Clint asked.

"I can get them a protection against that," Xander said. "We can totally neutralize his influence. Plus he'll be so busy being pounced and doing patrols he won't have much time for evil unless Buffy gets knocked up. Then he'll be too tired." Clint gaped. Xander leaned over to hiss in his ear. Clint got up to stomp off swearing but came back after a few steps. "Can you find a downside? He might even introduce the girls to warriors who could handle being with a slayer."

"If they really wanted a peace treaty then it'd be him or Thor and I doubt they'd accept Thor's honey since she's just a scientist," Anya said. "Then we'd have a mushy girl movie going on where she'd have to fight for him or get pregnant suddenly so he had to stay with her. Or she'd have to murder her rival I guess." She shrugged. "It'd keep him off his game because she'd always be pouncing him. He could get all that sexy, slimy stuff out because Buffy likes them like that."

Clint sighed, staring at Xander. "Which one of you warped the other?"

"I'm not sure," Xander admitted with a grin for his ex. "What did they say?"

"Giles said he'd throw the wedding and Fury said he'd do the security for it."

Clint sat down to finish his beer and Xander's beer. "Thanks, Anya."

"You're welcome. When are you two going to do the fun pouncing stuff so I can watch? You haven't even done blowjobs or handjobs recently. It's not fair to me, Xander. At least I can watch to get *some* happiness."

He shrugged. "I'm not dating Clint."

"Fine," she huffed. "You're clueless." She faded out to go talk to Giles about those two. They needed a clue-by-four upside the head again.

"I think I warped her," Xander said quietly. "She used to want to tell me how she tortured guys before sex. There hasn't been much torture since I left her at the altar."

Clint patted him on the arm. "Damn I'm sorry you dated her." Xander scowled. "Think how much more normal you'd be if you didn't have Anya in your past."

"I'd have a lot less stamina so I probably would've died in Africa. Or at least when that pack of succuba captured me that first time." He shook it off and went back to their lunch.

"I'll go look up nicer people for you to date," Clint promised.

"I got offered to come in and give an ex a lapdance later," Xander said.

Clint stared at him. "No more ex's, Xander. Make new ones for me and Nat to handle." Xander nodded, digging in again. Clint was silently praying for someone decent to show up in Xander's life besides him. The boy really needed it. Especially with Anya hanging around.

***

Thor stomped up to Clint that night, staring at him. "Heimdall has seen evidence that Loki is alive but he knows not where."

"You want me to see if Xander can summon him?"

"Could he?"

"I have no idea," Clint said, pulling out his phone to text Xander. He was at the bar where his ex's hung out. Xander said 'wait a minute' and then a few minutes later an 'incoming'. Clint looked around. Then there was Odin...which made Thor look so confused. "Thor, isn't Odin...taller?" Thor looked and roared, rushing at the imposter, who did turn back to Loki when he was knocked down. "Yeah, he can summon him." Natasha hopped up to deal with the god. Stark came off the elevator to help.

Thor punched Loki into a window then pounced him to knock him out before he got his bearings back. "You lied," he sneered.

"So? You should expect such from me, brother."

Clint got up to walk over and smirk at him. "Welcome back to New York. We have plans for you." Loki glared. Clint walked off chuckling.

"I hate him in that mood," Natasha said. Bruce came up with stuff to knock Loki out. SHIELD agents poured out of the elevator to take him into custody. "Why is he here?" she demanded.

"The Council around my father wanted a peace treaty with your people," Thor said. "It is thought that a good match could be made between my brother and the young warrior that is Clint's friend."

Clint grinned at her. "They're marrying him and Buffy off." Natasha choked and spluttered, shaking her head. "She'll be screwed, he'll be unscrewed. It seems like a plan to everyone who decided it. He'll definitely be too busy to take over the earth."

Thor nodded. "They talked me into it but it does sound like a good idea. We shall see when they meet tomorrow." He followed the agents who had his brother captive.

Natasha looked at the others then at Clint. "You need laid," she ordered. "Tonight."

"It was Anya's idea, she talked everyone else into it, including me."

"I don't care. Go find Xander or someone."

"He's creating new ex-boyfriends and girlfriends so you have more work." He grinned.

"I do not need more work," she said. She took Clint's phone to text Xander, signing her name to it. She put the phone down so she could drag Clint to his room. Tying him to the bed naked wasn't that hard. Especially since Clint was laughing at her.

***

Xander looked at his phone then his old ex's. "Natasha said I need to go screw Clint's bad ideas away." They patted him on the arm.

"We can make you happy," one purred, moving closer to kiss him.

Xander pulled back to look at him. "Didn't I say no because you tried to take my blood or something?"

"I was going to make something nice to deliver to the bitches in your life."

"No, we appreciate the slayers. Sorry. Nice kissing you but no." The guy lashed out at him but Xander blocked it and sprayed him with something, making him moan and fall to the floor. "You have fun with that."

"Lust potion?" one guessed.

Xander grinned. "It was listed as a self-defense potion for young women in a really old scroll I found in Egypt's head museum." He smiled. "It was to make sure her boyfriend could not touch her without her permission."

They looked at him. "I guess he's not going to be touching anyone but himself," the one next to Xander said. The guy was making pained noises while touching his cock but he wasn't hard. The rest of him looked like it wanted it as hard as his dick didn't.

Xander shrugged. "First time I've tried it." He got patted and stroked again. It was good to be him sometimes.

***

Loki was sneering in a corner when a young blonde woman kicked a demon into the room and proceeded to beat it to death. That made him lose the sneer and watch. "Is she a warrior?" he asked Thor. "Like Sif?" She wasn't wearing armor or what he'd expect a female warrior to wear into a battle. She was wearing *heels* and something probably fashionable. Not what he'd choose with her body but it was fashionable by those magazines he had seen the last time he had been on earth.

Fury looked over. "No, she's a slayer and the one you're here to meet, Loki."

Buffy got off the dead demon, pushing her slightly sweaty hair back. "There, no more chaos demon trying to have the building shut down to free a few people." She checked her outfit then smiled at them. "So what's up? Time to renew the peace treaty between us and SHIELD?" She kicked the body out of the way and sat beside her watcher. She spotted the guy in the corner, smiling at him. "I don't know you. I'm Buffy. The senior slayer."

"I'm Loki," he said smoothly.

She snorted, waving a hand. "Okay, sure. Your mom was into Norse myths. I'm pretty sure if Xander and Anya had babies there would've been one."

"No, dear, he's actually Loki," Giles said, patting her on the hand. "His people wanted to make a peace treaty with ours but that would mean working with one. We thought you two should meet."

"Yeah, I'm highly protective of the mini slayers. Only Xander's more persnickety about them and who they hang out with." She looked at him. "Why is he in cuffs?"

"He had New York invaded," Thor said.

"I saw that. That sucked majorly. I'm so glad you guys didn't need the slayers," she told Fury.

"I about called them and would have if I wasn't worrying about the helicarrier sinking underneath me. To be honest, the best treaty would be for someone of his own social level to marry him."

"We can provide guarding duties if he marries a princess," Buffy agreed.

Fury smirked. "He'd never put up with a princess, Summers. He is a princess." She snorted but covered it. Loki glared at him but he ignored it. It pissed off bad guys when you ignored their attention getting moves.

"Consider him like a more evil version of Draco Malfoy from that book you like reading," Giles said.

"He was a hottie," Buffy said. "Oh, wait, hold on. You want him to marry Xander?"

Anya faded in, smiling at her. "No, we want you to screw the evil out of him."

Buffy blushed. "I'm not so good at getting it out. I seem to put it back in. I mean, look at Angel and his soul thingy."

Anya grinned. "He could help you shop."

"That's always handy. He'd still be in danger."

"He's a mage," Anya said.

"Oh, well, not so much in danger I guess." She frowned. "Don't they have people whose whole job is to get married to someone?"

"Yup," Fury said. "And since you've lasted so long as a slayer we're giving you first shot at him."

"I'd have to get to know him. I'm not the easy sort that some of the girls are."

"She'd have to pass a test of combat to prove she was worthy of one of us," Loki said dryly. Now he saw his brother's plan and it was odd, as was Thor, and not right, as was Thor. He'd have to find a way around the plan by the formal courting rules. That could take forever and even he'd be old by the time they got through the whole protocol.

"I have no doubt I can do that," Buffy shot back, staring at him. He was pretty. "I've been slaying demons now for nearly fourteen years." He stared, mouth open. "I broke the old way. I'm the oldest slayer ever and I set the record higher every single day." She looked at Thor. "Why me?"

"Because it was felt you two would appreciate each other and you could help him start over as someone who is worthy of the goal of not taking over the earth. That you could make him see how much he could rule subtly by doing peace treaties and negotiating for the demon communities. Plus stopping apocalypse battles so he was the one on top."

"We all hate battles," Buffy said. "Okay, we can chat and have dinner and all that. He can keep on the cuffs for all I care. Do we need a chaperone?"

Fury looked at her. "I don't care if you two hit it on the table in the mess hall, Summers. We're pretty sure he's a good fit for the ones you like. He is deadly, he is dangerous, and he is able to help you with your daily battles. You can help him with his. It'd be like if Xander and Rosenburg had a baby that grew up on Asgard." Loki glared at him.

Buffy giggled. "That's a bad image. Especially with her former crush on him." She swung her chair around to look at him again. "He's pretty. He can match clothes, so already better than half of my ex's that I've staked." She saw Loki swallow. "Sure I can try and if not, I can recommend one of the other slayers to be with him. A few have my taste."

Hill got people in to take care of the demon corpse. She handed Buffy a few wet wipes, letting her clean her face and hands. "If he wants to spar that badly, Sif just showed up."

"I will talk to her," Thor said. He followed her out to talk to his Asgardian almost-girlfriend. "Sif." He shook her hand. "What brings thee?"

"Someone pulled Odin here. I come to find the reason."

"The reason was a mage who was summoning Loki for me."

"Loki died, Thor."

"Nay, he did not." He pointed. "The treaty the Council wanted, we think it is best between him and the queen slayer."

"I have heard of them but not seen their battles."

"Loki insisted to see her in combat if you would not mind."

She smiled. "Having Loki out of everyone's hair would be nice. I can test her." He nodded, taking her in there. She stared at Loki then slapped him. "I should behead you."

"Wonderful to see you as well, Sif," Loki said with a smug look. "How have you been?"

"Wow, non-fantasy girl armor. Someone knows how to build real armor for real women," Buffy said. "We need that, Giles."

"If I could find a way to make you armor for larger battles I would, Buffy," he reminded her. "It's not always practical."

She nodded. "True, and it would hide the cute clothes that we wear to feel better at the end of it." She looked Sif over. "It's nice to see warrior women who use swords. We slayers like blades too. It's handy when you have to behead demons."

Sif nodded. "They are, or other beings who annoy you."

Buffy smiled. "We're not supposed to kill humans. It makes us go psycho bad girl sort. It's not a good slayer thing then."

"Why don't you two go spar," Fury said. "That way it can be seen if you can hold up, Buffy."

She looked at herself then at him. "Giles said to wear nice clothes, not sparring stuff."

Hill smiled. This was a plan she could get behind and not complain about the details of. "I can lend you some of my workout gear, Summers."

"That'll work. You're not too much taller than I am." She stood up and grinned at Sif. "Shall we?"

"We can do that." She followed her out. The young woman was weird, she had weird speech and weird ideas, but she was genuine most of the time. It seemed almost like a cover to who she was. When they faced off against each other with blades, she saw the warrior the casual talk and ideas hid. It was a good battle. They both got sweaty and mildly injured but the girl held her own.

Up in the viewing area, Loki was trying not to be impressed. He couldn't hide how physically impressed he was at the battle either. Hill called a tie and Loki tried to pull his coat around to hide his erection from everyone. "She would make a fantastic Valkyrie," he told Thor quietly.

"She has a duty to defend humanity from demons. It's a harder job." He looked at him. "This is why we wanted you to meet."

"I will talk with her but I make no promises." Thor smiled behind his back as he walked off.

"I haven't seen wood like that since I was a teenager," Fury told Giles, who smiled back. The ladies were showering and chatting. Sif was telling Buffy about Loki and all that he had done. Including the good things when he had been younger. Buffy could appreciate that. She agreed to have a private dinner with him.

***

Buffy wandered in the next morning, yawning some. "Sorry," she said, sitting down with a hiss and a wince. "Now I know how Anya felt," she muttered just loud enough for her watcher to hear her.

He patted her on the back. "Would you prefer something fast or something more sedate? As there is a treaty you could hold something simpler here and then more ornate somewhere else."

She stared at him. "Celebration curse."

"We'll be providing security," Fury said with a smile. "We'd like to see more of your girls find happiness. I'm hoping that some of the warriors will find them good girls to see."

"They might like that. Especially if they ride them hard and put them away wet. Boys seem to like it when women do that."

"Yes they do and boys appreciate it as well," Fury said. This was looking better and better.

Xander walked in and looked over Buffy's head at her. "I can make sure nothing can interrupt however you want to get married," he said quietly with a grin. "Anya suggested you elope because you didn't use a condom but if you want a church thing or something more pagan we're all for that. You can probably even hold it at the resort. There's clothing optional places so you can be in a bikini all the time."

She blushed. "I don't need the naked thoughts today and Anya set us up?"

"Yup. She said she wanted you to be as happy as I made her in the bedroom."

Buffy shifted again. "More than, thank you." She crossed her legs. "What about his stuff?"

"There's holy sites to him and Thor on this planet, Buffy. We can do them there."

"Or we can do them at a hotel," Giles said. "Or even the justice of the peace and then you do something grander in a while."

"I...." She cleared her throat. "I'll consider it."

"I can get someone up to do it today," Fury said. "With all the paperwork done. That way you can have a good honeymoon before the next battle."

"You're being pushy," Buffy said.

"If not, they might try to use him to make the treaty some other way," Fury said. He stared at her. "It's best for everyone if he's married to someone the others can respect."

Sif walked in. "Loki is staying in that room. The guards are making sure." She looked at Buffy. "Are you well?"

"A bit sore," she admitted. "Feeling a bit pushed."

Xander hugged her around the shoulders. "It's you or they'll give him to some princess sort. He'll be totally wasted there, all his talents going to waste, and he'll be depressed. Which means another invasion or something."

She sighed. "Fine. We can do it however he wants it. I'm not going to be picky."

"Our vows simply have to be witnessed by so many of the village's leaders, or in his case the Council's people," Sif said. "Thor and myself do count as that. We'd need one more but Heimdall may see it."

Thor nodded. "I can ask him."

"Or you can ask the idiot warrior that stumbled into the gay disco and had a panic attack," Xander quipped. "It was in the paper." Both Thor and Sif groaned and sighed, shaking their heads.

"I'll have him brought," Fury said, looking out the door. "Hill, have the warrior fetched."

"He's being arraigned in an hour and will be brought here afterward, sir," she said. "We've already worked it out with the DA."

"Which one was it?" Thor asked.

"A very junior warrior with his first taste of humanity," Hill said.

"Hmm. We should have a third to note the marriage."

"As he's not in the lineage," Sif said. "Village elders should work."

"I can be considered one," Giles said. "I'm her Watcher and the head of the New Council of Watchers."

"I can be one," Fury agreed. "I do head SHIELD."

"Or I can try to summon one," Xander offered. Thor shook his head. "Okay. There's three in the city."

"They'd be the Warriors Three," Sif said. "Friends of ours."

Xander nodded. "Okay. Want me to have them found?"

"We can," Fury assured him.

"I will ask Heimdall to be the formal third," Thor said. "He sees all." He went to the roof to call him down. He agreed and showed up. Buffy had been made pretty by Hill and Sif with some help from Xander so she had weapons to carry. Dawn was there thanks to Xander. So were Willow and Faith. Loki had his people there. They were married on the bridge of the helicarrier and then Buffy and Loki were locked in a sealed vault room for the next few days with enough food, water, and necessities that they wouldn't need to come out. Xander grinned at the others and winked, disappearing again.

"I will announce the treaty has been made and granted," Heimdall said, going back to his post. He called the others of the Council to him. "The treaty with Midgard is sealed with Loki's wedding." A few choked.

One stared at him. "They gave him some simpering girl who loves him for his powers?"

"No, they gave him a warrior woman who could beat him in combat, helps protect humanity, and can put up with him. She's already consecrated it twice."

The others looked at what he pulled up for them. The marriage was made and mated, it was official by their standards. Most of them even liked the plucky blonde that befuddled Loki's mind by babbling at him. Heimdall showed them the battle between her and Sif, getting even more appreciation for it. They could work with that. They went back to their chamber to send out the announcements. It did relieve a pressure since Loki could not probably harm them again.

Heimdall looked at the new couple again. She did squeal nicely. Loki was already having to prove he was the better man.

***

Faith made it home that night after the conference worked out everything. Giles was behind her. "Ladies, family meeting," she yelled. "Hit the kitchen." By the time she got there, Andrew had stuff pulled out to nibble and things to drink. The last few ran in with Giles behind them. "The conference with SHIELD went well. We went over the visions for the next few battles, one of them theirs." Everyone nodded. "We have one in a month. We'll be putting out battle positions tomorrow."

"Where's Buffy?" one of the girls asked.

"Banging her new husband," Dawn quipped with a grin. She had come home earlier. "I'm sure he's making her squeal like Anya used to."

"Considering she couldn't sit before the wedding, yup, probably," Faith quipped. Everyone stared at her. "Asgard wanted a treaty. Anya thought of Buffy."

"And Loki," Dawn added with a grin. They stared at her. "He's deadly, dangerous, slightly evil, has a pulse," she finished happily. "Mom would be so proud he was living."

Giles cleared his throat but was smiling. "I dare say she would, yes. It was a charming, short ceremony. Buffy will be back in three weeks, right before the battle."

"Her man has magic," Faith added. They all smiled. "He's not quite as evil as Red is either. He's the want to rule the world sort, not the destroy the world sort." The girls cooed at that. "So yeah, spread that around." Everyone nodded, taking out their phones to text the other girls. "Don't forget the girl in China. She never hears good news," Faith quipped.

"We'll have a dinner when Buffy gets back," Giles told Andrew, who nodded. "I have no idea what Asgardians eat."

"We can figure it out," Andrew said. "I can make a roast or something." They grinned and the girls bounded off to talk about this new thing. Maybe Buffy would be happier and less sour. It could be good for all of them.

***

Clint looked at his sparring partner. "Ready to give up?"

"You told me I don't have a give up switch," Xander quipped back. "So I guess not."

"I guess I'll have to be evil," he said with a grin.

"Lara said you being evil is hot."

"Mind out of your ex's panties and on the match," Clint teased, moving around Xander to attack again.

"I only met her earlier. She can't be an ex yet. We have a date tomorrow night for dinner."

"We got her earlier for embezzling money from charities," Clint said. "She's an ex." Xander huffed. "You need to go for less evil and more fun."

"I can only take the ones that hit on me, Clint."

"Good point. We'll try to introduce you to better ones."

"Sure, I like fix ups." He grinned. "Think Buffy's done screaming yet?"

"Not something I want to think about." Xander attacked. "Better," Clint praised, showing him how to counter that move. He had only taught it to Xander earlier.

Stark walked in and paused. "Is this like spy foreplay?"

"No," Xander said. "Clint's not into me that way, Stark."

"Okay. We thought it might be nice."

Xander glanced at him, shrugging some while ducking a blow. "If he wants me he can flirt."

"I think the rule said you had to flirt with me, not me flirting with you," Clint quipped.

Stark walked off shaking his head. "Definitely the mating habits of the clueless assassin."

Natasha watched him go then glanced in the gym before walking off happier. Some day she'd make both of them see the point that everyone else saw.

TBC...