Genes and Blood and Guns.
Xander reappeared and for some reason he was in the bar. He looked up then around. "Hey, Weasel, watch this for me for a sec so I can get the rest I have stored?" He disappeared after putting the heavy crate onto a chair. He came back with an endless bag and put the crate into it. He grinned. "I have just the thing to stop an apocalypse next time. Thanks, man. Were the girls good for the last day?"
"Yeah, haven't heard a peep from them," he said. "What did you do?"
"What I do best in my other job," he quipped with a smile. "I found mystical artifacts." He skipped off, going to share that news with his girls, who were apparently into kidnaping since they had Wade tied up. He handed him a knife as he walked past him. "I found something to take that douchebag out. The one on this realm was dead so I had to go get one from a nearby realm that doesn't believe in magic." He grinned at the staring slayers. "That one from the vision, yeah. He's been looking really hard for a few artifacts he covets. So hey, paycheck again and all that."
He winked at one, taking the bag upstairs to hide. One of the girls had already told Giles by the time he got down there, they were like that. Wade had untied himself and was shaking his head as he went to the bathroom. Xander found the phone he had left on the table and emailed a contact that he had found a certain artifact that a certain pain in his ass was looking for. Then he stated a price.
He went to get some milk and cookies. His contact sent back at that the ones from other realms wouldn't work for him. Xander pointed out he had taken something that would let it happen and named that artifact. Yeah, the evil wannabe wanted those and would pay for them grandly. Xander said bring the cash or EFT to the meeting and he'd bring the things then named a dirty club where drug deals and things went down. He walked out sipping his milk, showing it to Clint since he was standing there looking confused.
Clint stared at him. "That's going to make him powerful."
"Not really. It depends on what he wants and if that demon wants to gift him." He grinned. "Which would still make him less than fully human probably." He got a book down to show him that artifact's page. "Seen a few of those." He grinned at Wade. "You didn't have to babysit for me but thank you for doing that. Do I need to spank for actual kidnaping?"
"Might help but I doubt they'd do more than pout," Wade said, shaking his head. "They're sweet kids."
"Yes we are and we need to make things better," one of the tiny ones said with a grin and a wave for him. "That's why I read you a bedtime story."
"It was a great one too," Clint assured her with a smile. She beamed and bounced a few times, pouncing him to hug. "Aww, thank you." She grinned at the others, who took her back so she could quit hogging the heroic guys they liked to help. Clint looked at Xander. "What if that doesn't go the way you think?"
Xander pointed at his special staff weapon. Then he smirked. "It can help."
Clint took it out back to fire on the fence. Everyone heard the 'fuck' from him. "How did you get things from a show, Xander?"
"We went there," he said. "They didn't want magical things anyway and their Stargate was shut down." The girls moaned. He grinned. "I ended up with another of me who has a mystical pirate ship. We went together so he could get stuff for an upcoming battle. He really liked naqqadah and had a lot of ideas about how to use it." He strolled off again. "I believe the free day was yesterday, ladies. Aren't you starting school again in two days?" They ran for their lists so they could go shopping. One tried to drag Wade but lost when he got free. They dragged Clint instead and made him call Natasha so they could have a female opinion but were safe if idiot yahoos showed up again. Xander grinned at Wade. "Sorry about them. They meant well."
"It was fine, they were good to me," he said quietly. "Just really weird."
"Well, yeah. They're girls."
"Point." He grinned. "They fed me ice cream for dinner last night."
"That's a universal sad slayer meal."
Wade just nodded. "I get that." Xander patted him on the arm. "What else did you loot?"
Xander grinned. "Only a future spouse or long term boyfriend or girlfriend will get into those. Are you auditioning?"
"Not likely. I like the girls, Xander." He slugged him on the arm as he walked off. "We're fine. They got a small patrol last night with Barton. They found him doing one and dragged him back with them."
"Thanks, man." He waved then ran up to unpack some of the happy making stuff he had looted. The guns went into the armory. The staff weapons too. The laser pistol he kept with him because he didn't trust the slayers not to use them to kill mice and burn down the house by accident. He answered when his phone rang. "Yeah, Giles?" He listened to him complain. "No, I'm going to sell it to a guy who's wanted it for a while now to see what he'll do with it because I don't think he can do what he has planned. Even with some help. Well, for one he's not a virgin. No, not that artifact."
He took a picture of it to send on. "That one." Giles spluttered. "Exactly," he said happily. "And if he manages it it'll actually be easier to beat him since he's an upcoming vision problem. So good, good, and a paycheck." He listened to him complain. "No he can't. Beyond that, even then he's still easier to beat." He took a picture of another one and sent it. Giles threw a fit.
"I was going to do that but it'd end up in the hands of that one watcher guy who's drooling trying to find it." He banished that one at Giles. "There, now you can put it up safely and watch that guy drive himself nuts." Giles complained but said he'd do that and they'd be talking about this semi-evil plan soon. Xander took some happy time with his hand to make his day complete, then a nap until the girls got back. He really needed a new date and he couldn't masturbate with all the girls in the house.
Clint finally got to go home after the girls got finished with him. Natasha had helped him escape them even so it was sweet of her to escort him back to the tower. He nodded at everyone. "The slayers needed to finish school shopping," he sighed as he flopped onto the couch. "I kinda feel bad for Wade's former girlfriend since she usually went with them."
"They were sweet to try to make Wade feel better," Natasha said, settling on a chair. She looked at the others. "School starts in two days."
"Why did Harris need a kid sitter?" Stark asked.
"He switched realms for a few hours to loot mystical artifacts from there so a bad guy could buy it and screw himself," Clint said dryly. He grinned at them. "And some other things that were making him a happy boy."
Stark shook his head quickly. "Un-huh. Are the slayers fine?"
"All home safely and have enough clothes for at least two weeks without laundry," Natasha said. "We had to have a talk about cute versus practical clothes and shoes. The bigger slayers taught them about wearing cute clothes that weren't too practical. Including babies in heels."
Clint shuddered, shaking his head. "Buffy goes on patrol in stilettos."
"Which is dumb of her and the younger slayers need sense," Natasha told him. Clint nodded he agreed. "These ones now have things they think are cute that they can defend themselves in. I showed them how to wear a skirt properly if they had to get into a fight. Kara and Piotr showed up to help and I had to correct her assumptions about clubbing clothes being a good idea for college classes. She joked about all the girls wearing pajamas to class but realized hers would probably fall off as she walked. He helped her by giving opinions and the tiny ones got some too when they asked. Thankfully he's an artist so he can match colors."
"I liked his joke to Kara that whatever she wore would be cute against him since he was a neutral color," Clint said. Stark shook his head with a sigh.
"They are perpetually cute," Natasha told them. "And he is very protective of the tiny girls. Someone glared at one so he made the person flee from him."
"Saw that new guy Cable during it and he watched Piotr drive that hussy off then nodded in appreciation and smiled at one of the girls. He went to get a new knife or whatever."
"He helped in that one battle," Steve said. "No clue about his backstory."
Clint shook his head. "No idea. He's working with Deadpool. Oh, the girls tied up Wade to feed him ice cream and do things to make him feel better. They read him a bedtime story or six. They tucked him in on the couch they had him tied up on last night. They so fussed over him." He grinned. "They were good to make him feel better."
"They were," Natasha agreed, nodding some. "Though he might not understand such girlish expressions of sadness."
Stark got up to walk off shaking his head. It was great that the slayers got to be girls.
The mini slayer looked up at the police man stopping her. "Yes, Officer?" she asked with a smile.
"What are you carrying?" he asked firmly, staring down at her. It was large, metallic, and she was dragging it on the ground because it was about a foot taller than she was.
She grinned. "Someone dropped it off on me but Watcher Xander was busy and said he'd get to it later so I'm bringing it to the guys that help with slayer battles to make sure it's not stolen by some meany." She smiled. "I made sure it's not on. It was whining when he dropped it to run from the demon that was going to eat him for trying to use it on my house."
"I can take it for you, miss."
"No you can't. Slayers need things like this for battles. That's why I'm taking it to one of our battle helpers. Usually Xander would gather it and make it safe but he's dealing with a bad guy today." She skipped off. "Have a nice day, Officer."
"Miss, let me drive you there," he said. "Before someone takes that from you." He followed her, getting her into his car to drive her off. "Where are we going?"
"Um...I know the building's this way by about six blocks. Let me call Mercy." She called her. "Mercy, where do I drop off the weapon that someone dropped because he was going to use it on my house but the demon was going to eat him for it? Yeah, that one! The officer needs to know where to bring me. He wouldn't let me carry it in case there were mean people." She grinned. "Okay!" She hung up. She repeated the address. "We're going to the reasonable adult figure of some of our battle buddies. Her name's Al and Mercy will meet us there." The officer nodded, driving her off.
She petted the weapon, humming happily as she petted it. "You'll be a good weapon for the big slayers," she cooed to it quietly. "They'll enjoy you when they need you for something. You'll save them using a sword on big things some day. Then we'll all be happy with it. Then maybe you can reincarnate into a living pet instead of being a metal one. Mommy said it worked that way when you were a good person." The officer pulled up in front of the address. She grinned. "Thank you, Officer!" She tried the door.
"It's locked so prisoners can't get out, miss." He got out to get her out and took the weapon from her. "Which apartment?" He looked around before following the bouncing young kid. She knocked until an older black woman opened it. She was clearly blind or had a raging hangover with the way she was wearing sunglasses inside. "Ma'am, I'm Officer Tollins. I'm escorting this slayer here to give you the weapon she found. She called you a reasonable adult who helps their battles?"
"I watch over one of the boys that does help them with battles." She walked off. "Come on in, let me find one of them." She patted around.
"Here you go," the kid said, bouncing over to hand her the phone book and phone. "I'm Slayer Mimsy."
"Mimsy, I've met a few of you," she said, smiling at her. She dialed the phone's quick dial. "Get here now please." She held up the phone. "You tell Wade about that weapon, Mimsy." The young one babbled about it. Al heard the groan and the tiny 'I'll be there in ten minutes'. "Thank you, Wade." She hung up. "Wade said he'd be here in ten minutes, Officer."
"That's fine, ma'am. Apparently the watcher guy who'd usually handle this stuff was busy with a bad guy today. Or so she said."
"Xander is often busy with bad guys. Though some are panty friend bad guys," Mimsy said with a grin for him. "I'm sorry I made you take some time to wait."
"It's all right," the officer assured her. "Better to have it safe than in the hands of ...mean people." He heard running feet and looked out there. He recognized the costumed sort rushing in. "Him, Miss?"
"Yup! That's Wade! He helps the big slayers with battles and stuff! Wade, I found it when the guy dropped it because the demon was going to eat him for pointing it at my house!" She beamed at him. "The nice officer made sure I didn't have to carry it all this way in case there were mean people." She pounced him to hug. "Thank you for handling it for Xander."
"Yeah, not a problem," he said, staring at the weapon. "I've only seen that in a book but I can find Xander so he can handle it for your armory." He looked at her. "Is your house all right?"
"Yup! The demon was going to eat the stupid head." She hugged him again then bounded over to hug Blind Al. "Thank you for your help, Miss Al." She beamed at the officer. "Let me head home."
"Let me make sure you get there." He gave Deadpool a pointed look.
"It'll be in the armory by tonight." The officer smirked and nodded before leaving him there. He waited until the officer had driven off to groan and hug the weapon. "Mimsy is a bouncy little future slayer."
"She seemed sweet," Al said. "Called me a responsible person who helped the guys who helped with their battles."
"Well, yeah," he admitted. "That's true." He shook his head quickly. "Let me get this to the slayer house. Have fun, Al." He carried it off to the cab. The driver guy who helped him gave the weapon a weird look. "One of the mini slayers picked it up off her step because someone was going to try to shoot into her house before a demon chased him off." That got a groan. "Xander was busy. We need to hit the slayer house so I can put this up safely."
"Sure. Cable wanted to know if anything was going on today," Dopinder asked as he drove off.
"Senior slayer sparring. Have him meet us at the house." He leaned his head back to groan about the tiny kids and their weapons. They really did love shiny weapons. Some even more than jewelry.
Xander walked into the slayer sparring room. "Ladies, let's warm up," he ordered. "I'll be roasted by Buffy if you guys pull muscles from sparring and usually you'd warm up on the walk to the patrol site." He looked at the kid he was holding then handed her to one of the older slayers. "She who has one-hundred-and-six stitches will be sitting out because she has sense and I know she has sense," he quipped as he walked past her and shoved her into a chair. He looked at Wade. "Thanks. I was meeting with someone who could update me on my girls in Africa," he said quietly.
"Thankfully Mercy sent her at Blind Al," Wade said.
"Mercy said she's really sweet and is going to keep protecting the non-combatant. Thinks she could be like a grandmotherly sort that gives advice. She could use one, she's got bad taste." He looked at the pouty slayer. "The same as someone really should date in her own age pool instead of hitting on my ex's," he told her. She shrank down. "Yeah, someone was a bit dumb." He looked at Cable, who was stretching but looking amused. "This is training, reinforcement of the downloaded things they already know but may not practice, and upping skills for the next battle," he told him.
"Everyone needs training spars," he agreed. "I won't be mean to them."
"Thank you. Later on I'll let one of the senior girls go all out with you to let you learn how to use a sword better too." Cable nodded that was fine. "This is hand weapons and bare handed only. Ladies, behave with the men please. No pinching!" He gave a few of them pointed looks. "Behave in front of the guest."
"Yes, Xander," they all chimed. They rushed the two guys and Xander got out of the way.
Cable ducked a swing at his face then leaned back to avoid one, but that put him in range of the two girls that were attacking Wade to get him. So yeah, he could handle helping the girls train. He managed to tag most of them but they always had backup for him. Wade was taking on two of the girls with bare handed fighting. He might win. Cable might win if the girls didn't get him down. Then he had to yelp and glared at one of the girls. "My wife wouldn't appreciate that."
"Oops, forgot you weren't Wade for a minute," she quipped with a grin. "Though your wife's really lucky with how firm your butt is." The other girls all giggled.
Xander groaned, shaking his head. "Ladies! Go for real please. Quit teasing the warriors." They dove in to spar for real, like it was a real battle. Cable had to pull his punches still but yeah, he wasn't going to win without weapons. Wade yelped but because he was tripped.
"Why don't you girls pinch me that way?"
"Give it a year," one quipped with a sad smile for him. "We'd never impose on that year." She kissed him on the cheek. "Besides, we'll all be of age to flirt by then." She kicked him on the thigh and winked. "Then you won't be safe because we're all mighty huntresses." Xander groaned. "Oh, quit," she told him then smirked and winked at him. "You said we could have our first pair of bad girl heels for our graduation from high school." The other older girls all nodded. "Until then we can only wear two inches and practical heels," she told Cable. "Vanessa helped a lot with that and club hunting outfits. And some sort of special prezzie that Penny needed for her guy Brad."
Deadpool got up with a groan. "She was teaching Penny how to do a striptease for their anniversary." He shook his head, looking at Xander.
"They know what subtle is," Xander pointed out. "And that hunting a guy like that who might not appreciate it would make them evil cunts. Slayers are to be good girls, not evil bitches, ladies." They all sighed but nodded.
One of the tiny ones grinned up at Cable. "We're only allowed to be flirty and nothing else until our senior year but if we flirt and find a boyfriend we can ask for dispensation like Kara got for Piotr. We all kinda hope we find a guy like him. So if you know any can you introduce the big slayers to them please? They could use boyfriends. Or girlfriends I guess." She shrugged. "I'll figure that stuff out in a few years." She looked at the fussy baby. "Awww, who's the tired one. You should nap, dear. Really. Go ahead. We all like naps and Senna's a good girl to nap on. I did last night during the movie."
Senna, who was up from Cleveland for a few weeks of recovery after a bad fight on patrol, gave her an odd look. "You snore too." The tiny one shrugged but grinned and tried to pounce Wade, getting caught and tickled. She ran off squealing.
Xander looked at the tiny one. "You need a nap. Don't make me call Bethy. She's grounded." The baby squealed at that name. He sighed, going to call her from one of the girls' phones. "Hey, Bethie's mom." She scowled at him. He let her see the baby. "One of the guards at the tower handed me the baby of the group."
"Oh, damn it. Where's her father?" Xander shrugged then grinned. "I don't think Bethy should babysit, Xander."
"No but she's missing training time. She's still got to have self defense." She huffed. "Sorry but earlier Mimsy had to turn a weapon over to Deadpool because a demon caught the guy trying to fire it into her house."
"And with HYDRA knowing about her and her dad...." He nodded. "Self defense?"
"Fine. She can go back to self defense class," she sighed.
"Okay. We've already paid her fees this month. Let me know if she needs to switch areas."
"I think it's weird that she and the others all get together."
"Well, they are siblings," he pointed out. "She's the backbone of the family of half-sibs with her next oldest sister. And she does need to spend some time with her dad to train her mutant skills too. I can train her to run but I don't know specifics about how using the extra speed wears her out or things."
"If Bethy can come help us spar, it'd be great," the tiny one that had pounced Wade called with a grin and a wave. "She's got to help us match school outfits. Xander can't do that. He dresses like a guy." Bethy was cracking up in the background. "Please?"
"She's grounded, Missy."
"So!" She pouted. "She was grounded for being smart. She only went into the bar because she thought someone was following her."
"She shouldn't have snuck out of the house."
"Then your boyfriend shouldn't be a butt to her because she's got her daddy's skills and is a future slayer," Missy said smugly. "Considering he's talking to people who hate us, I think it's safe of her."
"Excuse me?" she demanded, looking at her daughter then at the camera again. "Since when?"
"That's who he met last night. We saw him when we were on patrol," Mercy said as she came in pulling back her hair. "I had to move us around their group of morons without a single brain cell who clearly want to die from a demon attack when they spotted us on patrol and noticed the guy sitting there slurping up the coffee you bought for him carrying a shotgun."
"I knew he was a jackass," Bethy complained. He tried to hit her so she blocked and did a wrist grab that made him scream. "Don't try to hit me. I will break the slayer download to protect myself." She let him go with a shove. "I'm going to remove myself before I'm forced to beat a human. Uncle Xander, is Daddy back yet?"
"No. The guard that handed me your sister said they're somewhere in the east."
"Crap. Okay, I'll be there in about twenty minutes."
"We're meeting some of his friends then," her mother said firmly. "Though we will be talking about this."
Bethy looked at her mother's boyfriend then at her. "No we won't be. His buddies are the sort to take in mutants to torture until they break and burn up from their powers. I'm not going down that path." He tried to grab her so she kicked him in the leg as she spun out of his grasp and then got him on the back. "No. You don't touch me." She looked at her mother. "You have bad taste. Dad's at least cute but kinda an asshole and now you're dating this asshole."
"Language!" she shouted.
Bethy stared at her. "I hope I have better taste in men when I figure out what one's for." She avoided the grab attempt again then slugged him with all her strength, knocking him out. "Let me go." She looked at the camera. "Should be twenty minutes if I can the neighbor lady who hates mutants to give me a ride."
"Call a cab," Xander ordered. "We can pay for it."
She nodded, grabbing her special phone to call on her way to her room to pack a quick bag. Her mother was choking and yelling at her boyfriend but oh well. A girl had to protect herself.
Xander hung up and found his phone in the living room, calling the tower. "Is one of the Avengers members back please? This is Watcher Xander Harris and it's rather important." He got transferred to the security team. "It's Xander Harris. Bethy's, the speedy one's son and Wanda's niece, is having to escape her home because her mother's boyfriend is an anti-mutant and tried to grab her...." He was having that slayer in trouble feeling. "Yeah, can you please let them know I'm going to have to go rescue her."
He found his wand and guns. "Yeah, here. Thanks." He hung up. "Ladies, I've got to go rescue Bethy!" He apparated there and stunned the group, pulling a gun on the officer. "This is one of my mini slayers. Her mother's boyfriend is trying to have her killed. Move, Officer." The officer moved out of the way, hands in clear sight. "Bethy." She grabbed onto his arm. "The boyfriend," he said with a point of his gun. "Is so anti-mutant and slayer the girls had to avoid him last night on patrol because they thought he might shoot them with the shotgun he was openly carrying around a cemetery at night." The officer winced. "Earlier, we were on a vid call to get her back into self defense lessons when he tried to hit her, and tried to grab her twice when she told her mother this fact."
"He's pushing assault charges," the officer said.
Xander shook his head. "Self defense is a right even kids have. Me and six other slayers all saw the phone call I put onto the room's tv system from a slayer's phone."
"I don't like this situation much," the officer said.
"Good. Because you're not taking her into custody for defending herself. She went limp and Xander cast a curse at the guy who had just thrown the dart at her. He pulled up the dart to hold up, making the officer wince. "We're going to the healer's then home." He looked at the mother. "I can help by letting you call a domestic abuse line with the way your cheek's bruised," he offered. She shook her head. "Are you safe here?" He lifted Bethy up into his free hand with his wand still being held.
"I'll be fine, Xander. Get her to her aunt or father."
"I was calling when the emergency alert went off for her." He waved his hand and they disappeared to a healer he knew would treat the slayers. He had a marker there so he could find it even if he was dead tired. Of course, there were three officers there bothering them. "'Scuse us," he ordered. "Belinda, one of those anti-mutant ones darted her for daring to protect herself against her mom's boyfriend the shithead who hates her." The nurse took Bethy from him to take back to a room. Xander put up his gun. "Problems, Officers?"
"Who're you?" one sneered.
"Your city's watcher." They all backed off looking scared. "And that was one of my slayers. If you'll excuse me I have to call the Council's legal team to get her free of her mother and her bad taste." He pulled out his phone and called the main building. "Georges, put me on with Giles and our legal guy please? I had to rescue a slayer from a mom's boyfriend who was a mutant and slayer hater. I was on a phone call with her when she had to defend herself three times and then had to go rescue her." That watcher sneered about her being both.
"Dude, watch me show up there," he warned. Someone else took the phone. "Buffy, I rescued Bethy. Yeah, that was her emergency come save me alert. Mom's got bad taste in boyfriends. Anti-slayer and anti-mutant. She had to get free three times earlier. Yup, that sort. Please. That's why I called. No, I'm at the healer's. One of his buddies he called to come gang up on the ten-year-old girl darted her." He rubbed his forehead. "It's me. Yup, Bethy." Giles clearly pulled out her file. "Mom's boyfriend. We were on a vid call about her being grounded from self defense class when he tried to grab her and hit her, Giles. She was leaving when his thug buddies showed up to kill her with him. I had to go rescue her but I didn't have to really hurt anyone. Just one curse thrown."
He listened. "Yup, that's what they tried. Which is why I'm calling. Healer's. They sedative darted her when I was evacuating her." He heard the call about that coming over the radios. "We could use an in-person bit of help today actually. You are not touching that child," he told the officers. "Or I will turn you into jell-o cubes." They backed away from him again. The nurse came back. "Giles wanted to know if she'd be okay to move for her own safety until a biological relative gets back."
The nurse shook her head. "She's got a broken rib, Xander. We got her awake enough and she said she had no idea when she got it."
"Her dad's in Florida on a mission. Her aunt's somewhere on the east coast. I'm the local Watcher in charge so I have technical custody if her parents aren't available and her mother said to get her to her dad." He listened. "Okay." He hung up. "I'll take her with me. She can rest at the center." She nodded, getting Bethy for him.
"If you're not a parent you can't check her out," one of the officers said, looking smug.
"All slayers have secondary custody that devolves to the Council so they don't end up in social services custody," Xander said, staring at him. "You trying to interfere with that means that you're abridging the law and this clinic does tape the waiting area for security reasons, sir." The officer sneered, moving closer. Xander didn't move, just stared at him. "Try it. Please try it. Give me a reason to sue the NYPD again." The officer stepped back, looking worried. "Yeah. I'm the reason the slayers have a peace treaty with you guys." He took Bethy from the nurse. "Thanks, dear. Any care instructions beyond rest and water?"
"Ice her ribs," the nurse said. "It should heal normally as it's in place."
He nodded and waved his wand, taking her back to Cleveland. He handed her to Faith. "Broken rib she had no idea how she had gotten." Faith grimaced. "Her mom's boyfriend's friends are anti-mutant and slayer and ganged up on her. Police are trying to arrest her for assaulting the boyfriend by getting away from him. I'm about to go cast a permanent truth spell."
"That has an out clause if they believe they're telling the truth," Giles said as he came in. "She's young."
"Ten. And the head of her little family of half-sibs." Faith carried her off. "She got sedative darted by the assholes, Faith." He looked at the Council's lawyer. "I took custody for the Council after informing the officer that we had secondary custody if her parents weren't available. They've probably beaten the mother into agreeing to hand her over though."
"We can handle that. New York, Mr. Harris?"
"Yup. Get the tape from our call system too." He nodded, going to have Willow download that. Willow hated those sorts and would love to help put them away, even though she hated that a few slayers were also mutants. Xander looked at Giles again. "I need to find her dad. Let me get back to the girls and call around." He disappeared, going back to the Tower. He landed in the lobby, looking at the security guard. "It got worse. Is her Dad anywhere findable?"
"On his way back."
"His girl's in Cleveland under protection of the Council." The guard winced. "She had to defend herself so the douchebag called in that she assaulted him. Also, let him know she has a broken rib of unknown origin. She didn't know when the nurse found it."
"Mom's been beaten and is probably being convinced to turn her over to help her by killing her." He put his hands in his pockets. "And I'm about to sue the NYPD for helping." He grinned. "I'm at the house." He disappeared. There was a social worker and an officer there. "The child is under Council authority and in safe hiding since she also had broken bones that she wasn't aware of the cause of," he told the social worker.
"Who has custody of these children?" she demanded then smirked.
"The Supreme Court said that the Council did." He walked off. "Want to see the copy of the paperwork?" He grinned at her. She flinched, looking horrified. "Beyond that, slayers aren't to be put into social services custody because we're under the same sort of threat that mutants are and demons are." She shuddered, wiping her hands off on her pants. "Ladies?" he called.
"They've been moved," Cable said as he came down the stairs. "All but the one with stitches."
"Who is eighteen in two days," Xander quipped. "The baby?"
"Went to Cleveland too. Why couldn't she be moved?"
"She's got some sort of protection that doesn't allow us to move her. Can you get her somewhere safer with Wade?"
"He went with them. Where's safer?"
"Penny's house." He nodded, going to get her to escort her out. An officer got in his way so he unhitched his gun holster. The officer got out of the way. He got her out of there before she got hurt.
Xander smiled as he pulled out a copy of the paperwork. "The originals are all in Cleveland in a safety deposit box." He let the officer see it. Then he pulled up the call on their system so he could see that. "Self. Defense."
The officer nodded. "That is. Later on when you showed up?"
"We have an alert on the slayers that are in imminent danger. I was evacuating her when one of the idiot bigots threw a sedative dart. Her mother agreed her father could have custody if I could find him. He's presently on a mission."
"He's an agent?" the social worker sneered.
Xander grinned. "No, he's a mutant." She dry heaved but held it down. "Yeah. Which is why I want to see your credentials, Miss. I don't believe you're a social worker." She held them up with a sneer. He looked at it. "Social worker from New Jersey? You're out of your jurisdiction." He handed it to the officer, who looked then sighed and handed it back. "By the way, you're breaking the treaty the NYPD has with the Council." The officer called that in and got an answer that they all hated it. "Sure, you do that." An officer outside tried to shoot at him but the bullet was stopped by his protections on the house.
"That's resisting arrest," that officer said smugly.
"Nope. Because you're not trying to arrest me." He grinned. "And if the peace treaty is gone, I can call in for help for the girls. Pity." The officers all moved away from him so he looked back. "Hey, Bob. Can you get the other minis in the area out of the area?"
"Already called in from Buffy and Faith," Bob the demon said. "You're not safe."
"And if I get killed here then I'll just come back as an avatar of justice. Which would mean about a quarter of the people here would be dead." He grinned. "Because this isn't within the law."
Bob nodded. "True but it would cause more problems and some would try to stop you ascending that way."
Xander smiled and turned to pat him on the arm. "They can't do that. They can *try* but it won't work." He felt the graze of a new shot and waved his wand, casting a pretty stone curse. Everyone there turned into stone as they stood. Bob moaned. Xander grinned. "The things you learn from the booknerd of the universe that's yourself." He winked and grinned. "And the internal taping is still going." Bob shuddered. "And hey, poker debts." Bob whined and disappeared.
Cordelia and Whistler appeared. "This is not a good idea and will make it harder on the girls," she told him. "Which I hate but if you harm them it'll be harder on the Council and the slayers, Xander."
Xander looked at her. "I haven't hurt anyone yet."
"They're going to see it as harming them," Whistler said. "And the higher ups are new ones who hate the peace treaty and all of the slayers."
"Then they can protect themselves." He picked up a phone and called. "Hey, Bertie, it's Xander Harris. FYI we had to evac all the girls from the area thanks to the NYPD and the anti-mutant and anti-slayer groups. Please don't cause me any hell as I'm not going to be patrolling. Thanks, man." He hung up. Cordelia swallowed loudly and let out a tiny moan. Whistler was shivering. Xander grinned and waved. "I kinda miss the days when I was a nice, innocent guy who believed that officers in the real world were good people."
"Freeze, NYPD," someone shouted.
"Dude, I haven't moved yet." He looked at them again. "So?"
"Don't make a problem for the slayers," Whistler told him.
"If they arrest me, I can still claim self defense. And hey, they can't actually arrest me. I'm a mutant too." Cordelia let out a huge moan and disappeared. Whistler was pale but nodded. "Can you tell the PTB that most of us just exist? We only do things when we're forced to."
"Yeah, I can do that. They don't appreciate the few who have both."
"They're dumb. Bethy's going to be the senior slayer in the world some year soon and she's a great team leader. So is her sister."
"Good point. Try."
Xander grinned as he pulled out his wallet. "You guys have a better day, okay?" Whistler disappeared with a nod. Xander looked at them. "I only froze them so I didn't get shot for pointing out reality to them. I can unfreeze them."
"You're under arrest."
"You guys haven't rescinded that law yet," Xander said dryly. "And I'm still a mutant."
"That just means you won't make it to jail," the officer in the lead said, smiling at him.
"Or that I can freeze you guys too. I can do this for *weeks*. The freezing spell isn't even hard." They rushed at him so he froze them in a different way. He shrugged and called in a poker debt, who came to put up signs on them to show their crimes. Every single one of them had 'hates slayers' above their heads. Most of them had 'beats wife' too. They all got moved to Times Square, where Xander looked at the nearest officer, then waved him over. "Tried to raid the slayer house, Officer. We had a mini slayer who had to defend herself from her mother's bad taste in boyfriends." He unfroze them and two ran at him but he kicked one and punched the other. The officer was calling that in. Xander looked at them and waved his hand with his wand. "Don't come near the girls. We'll be out of the area so you have to handle it yourselves. Have fun with that." He disappeared to pack the house up and go to his backup spot.
The higher ups showed up to talk to those officers. They didn't like the answers they got or the signs that couldn't be removed by the witches on staff. The press people that hung out or had offices down there were taping it all so everyone in the city, and then the country, heard about it.
Buffy came out of the Slayer House with a paper. "Guys," she told the waiting reporters. "Statement from us on the stupid up there." They all focused on her. "Earlier today, one of the mini slayers who was under punishment from her mother got called by our Watcher up there to talk about it since she had been missing self defense classes. She was under grounding because she had escaped the house once before to get away from her mom's boyfriend. She was grounded because she escaped and she ducked into a bar when she felt someone following her to the slayer house." A few nodded.
"Which we fully agree with, if she had called we would've went to pick her up and take her to her dad. Our watcher up there is all about helping the minis and their families." She grimaced. "Her father was out of town at that time, and as of earlier is still out of town. During that call, our mini was nearly hit by the boyfriend and blocked the hit. Then the boyfriend tried to grab her twice." She tossed over a disc. "That's the call from our system. It tapes if it's on the big screen instead of our phones. That way it can't record us cooing at boyfriends." She looked at the paper then back up again.
"During the call, our watcher told her to call a cab, we'd gladly pay for it. It'd take us about twenty to get to her. She walked off to do that and grab a go bag or whatever. Our watcher, and the rest of us, got the alert that she was in imminent danger and he went to protect her. The boyfriend had called in a bunch of his friends to come ...fix our slayer. Who is ten. Like that group we found by Columbia university. May be some of the same people actually, we're not sure yet. He got there in time to rescue her. He held off the idiots and our mini got sedative darted from a distance so he evacuated her to a healer.
"He explained things to the officer the douchebag boyfriend had called to have her arrested for assault. The officer was unfortunately part of that same group apparently. A few officers tried to kidnap her from the healer's and our watcher informed him of the legal status that we have to protect the girls, including taking custody if a real parent or reasonable relative isn't available. He had her evacuated to us since she had broken ribs that she didn't know how she got." A few of them moaned.
"Then the NYPD pulled a social worker from New Jersey to come try to kidnap the other slayers in the house so they could probably harm them. She is in a known group that has tried to capture and torture a few slayers to try to gift our skills to others. Which is dumb. It's a psychic download before we're born." She looked at the paper then up again. "When the NYPD people broke in, Xander pointed out that they have no authority to do that, especially with a social worker from another state. He froze them because he got shot, again. Which really peeves us by the way. Then new ones showed up to try that.
"They threatened his life because he has a tiny metal finding mutation and that law's in effect so technically anything he does to protect the girls isn't against the law in New York." A few of the reporters moaned at that. "He had a poker contact write their sins above their heads so it was well known and brought the officers to Times Square to get them out of the house. Where he explained it to another officer and then left to go into hiding so we can't nag about the three gunshot wounds he has." She looked at them.
"Also, do be aware that the New York slayer house is presently on hiatus because we're not going to be where we're threatened. I'm sorry for New York City but I'm not risking my girls for people like that. If we can find some way to make the girls safer we'll see. Right now, all the minis and older slayers in the city have been evacuated to a backup location that's safe." She spotted someone in the crowd. "For now, our watcher is healing. The mini involved is healing and in hiding, and we're not putting up with BS like that around our girls.
"If anyone wants to talk to us reasonably about that, we have a lawyer and we encourage the NYPD to talk to them since they violated a peace treaty we had to create when they were trying to kill the slayers the first time. I'm not sure why we even try up there but I'm not risking my slayers." She looked at that one guy. "Kitchen," she called with a point. He nodded, walking off that way, pulling his hoodie's hood up to cover his fairly distinctive hair.
"I hope the rest of the US doesn't try this. We'd really hate to disrupt the girls' lives that way," she told one. "But I won't let them be risked because some people hate we're born this way." She walked off. In the back she could hear the girls talking to Logan. She went back there. "Bethy's fine. Most of her sibs got brought by her half-sister."
"That's good. Harris is safely hiding somewhere."
"Good!" She stared at him. "Could we have avoided this?"
"No," he said. "They were looking for a foot in. They were going to kill Beth."
"Well, fuck them," Beth said from the doorway. "I'd kill them right back, slayer spirit breaking or not." She looked up at him. "Where's my dad?"
"You're safe here, kiddo," Buffy said, giving her a hug. "We'll protect you and if you have to you can go traveling with Xander for a bit. Okay?" She nodded, going to hug Logan too. He let her. "Aww." She grinned at him. "Any good news?"
"Nope. The darker mutants thought Harris was too lenient. The lighter ones were horrified he fought back. That's about usual though." Xander appeared, staring at him. "You're damn handy with that wand, Harris."
Xander grinned. "Yes, I damn well am." He handed over something. "That goes to Cable, Deadpool, Piotr, and anyone who should know where the house is. It's under Fidelus."
Logan sighed but nodded. "Sure, I can understand that urge." He read it and put it in his pocket. "Are you moving it?"
"Yup. We're all moving to my backup location, which was under fidelus already." He handed over that paper with a grin. "Her aunt is on her way back according to the tower's security team." He looked at Buffy. "I agree, hide that she's a mutant for now. They'll howl and try the rest of us. Again." She nodded at that.
"Why?" Bethy demanded, looking up at him. "It's not wrong."
"Because those people who think slayers are born evil for existing think mutants are just as evil. So they'd think you were doubly evil and would convince themselves to take you out harder."
"Oh." She grimaced. "That sucks ass."
"Yup, and no swearing," Buffy ordered. "The rules say fourteen and hurt yourself or eighteen." She patted her on the head. "We know you're not the only one, Bethy. One of the girls in India was born both."
"Bruno's both," Xander said with a grin. Buffy moaned and stared in horrified awe. He grinned. "Still imbued too thanks to the coven changing him for those few minutes. So now there's a male slayer too." He looked at Bethy. "I'm going to go scare your aunt to death."
"My mom?" she asked quietly.
"I have no idea," he admitted. "I alerted two of your neighbors that the boyfriend was abusive and had hurt you and her. I'm hoping the NYPD would've responded to that but with the way they're being today.... I'm just hoping she's fine." He looked at Logan.
"I'll see if anyone near there can find her," Logan promised the tiny one. Who nodded and hugged him again. "We'll figure it out."
"Penny went to Canada," Xander told him. "Piotr and Kara are both here the last I knew."
"They are," Buffy agreed. "The girls are asking him questions so they can figure out what good boyfriends should be." She looked at Logan then at Xander. "Visions?"
"Two days," he said dryly. "Then one pretty fast in LA."
"Crap," Buffy muttered. "LA battles are always stupidly hard."
Logan nodded. "We can show up for the one in New York."
"That's great. It's alien anyway," Xander quipped with a grin for him. "They're going to let their pets go and they're a cannibal demon species. Behead the demons. Shoot the aliens."
"Got it," Logan agreed. "Go back into hiding and treat those."
"I've got 'em treated. I'm tougher than any bigot." He disappeared, going back to the tower to stare at the guards. This time he got let up. Wanda looked like a sweaty mess and glared when she saw him. He turned on the tv to show her what was going on. She stomped off swearing. "She's in the main house with her sibs," he called after her. "Broken rib's healing normally. She's worried about her mom." Wanda came back to stare at him. "They would have killed her."
"When did this start?" she demanded.
"Her mom's got bad taste. Apparently it went downhill since your brother." She groaned, shaking her head. "She tried to show up here to get away from the creepy feelings she had from him. Then she tried to get to the house, and had to pause at the bar, who called so I picked her up." She nodded once. "We agreed with the grounding but I was having weird feelings so I called to nag about her going to self defense training, which was when he tried to attack. Then it devolved into cluster fuck levels that only seem to happen around the slayers."
He wrote out a note and handed it to her. "There's a fidelus. Hand that to Clint and Natasha too and Steve if you can?" She nodded, lips pressed together. "She's safe and if we have to move her, we can do that. The coven won't throw a fit. Or I'll move them my own damn self." She snorted but looked happier. "So be a bit tense, her dad's in Florida." She winced but nodded. "But we're at the stage of fuck it all so the city's been uncovered by the slayers."
"Understood. We can have her back?"
"If you can make sure they can't get to her here probably. Her mother told me to take her to her father when I escaped with her but she's also been beaten." Wanda swore about that. "We have no idea about her mother right now. I alerted a few neighbors but there was an officer there already doing the wrong thing. Then more officers doing the wrong thing." She sighed but nodded. "But yeah, let us know. All her sibs are down there too. They heard and went running to support her."
"I can handle that. Thank you, Xander."
"You're welcome. At the worst case scenario, I'm taking the girls traveling with me to Africa." He grinned and disappeared from right there.
She flopped down to moan and watch the news people swear about bigots and the slayers having to protect themselves again. This was going to be so bad. When Natasha walked through the room she held up the note. "Xander has hidden the slayers and their house."
She took it to read it. "I knew that already."
Wanda looked at her. "He did a fidelus like in those books."
"Ah!" She nodded. "Well, if it helps. I'll hand that to Clint and Steve."
"You can probably trust most of the team."
"True. Is your niece all right?"
"She's in hiding and has a broken rib."
"Her mother may be missing by now."
"Even worse. We will handle it as best we can and protect the girls." Wanda nodded, relaxing. "Are you going to take custody of her?"
"I'm not sure here is any safer," Wanda said, looking at her. "We have attacks here."
"We can possibly handle their security. Let me talk to the others." Wanda nodded so she patted the younger woman on the arm. "We are strong so that others don't have to be."
"I hate that for my niece though." She looked up at her. "She should not have to face what we do."
"By then there'll hopefully be different threats to the world because we have stopped some." She nodded, letting Natasha go talk to the others. She walked into the lab first. Stark was watching the news so she handed over the note for him to read. He looked at her. "Harris."
"Oh, magic shit." He read it and sighed then handed it back. "Like in that book?"
"Apparently." She watched the rerun of the statement. "Bethy is safe."
"Her siblings are down there with her."
"That's going to drive people nuts." He looked at her. "We're due a battle soon."
"Two days," she said. "According to Xander a few days ago when he was briefing us. Then LA has one coming up soon." He grimaced, going back to the news. "How do we make it safe for the girls?"
"I don't know," he admitted. "We need a lot of bigots to go away."
"Well, perhaps they'll be killed by the upcoming battles then. I'll tell the others." She went to do that while he plotted. He was good at plotting so she'd let him handle that part for now, until she had to rearrange it because they were young women.
Clint walked into the bar and handed the paper to Wade. "Pass that on to the ones that need to know." Wade read it and handed it to Cable, who handed it to Domino then to Weasel. He looked at Weasel. "The thing in Florida is FUBAR?"
"I haven't heard," he admitted. "Why?"
"That's where Bethy's dad is."
"About to go down there," he admitted. "We're keeping him home today due to the deep grazes. If the girls were here I'd let them fuss until he had to hide himself."
"We were sparring earlier until the situation happened," Cable said and finished his beer. "They're vicious little things that pinch."
"Don't remind me," Clint said with a grin from him. "And they coo over weapons."
"Yeah, the younger ones stole my gun to pet," he agreed, shaking his head. "So weird."
"They're all like that," Clint agreed. "They appreciate my bow."
"And my swords," Wade agreed. He sipped his drink, shaking his head. "Is Bethy fine?"
"According to Xander, yup. Awake and has all her sibs fighting over her cuddles."
"That's good though," Domino said. "It's good to have a family that loves you."
"Her father needs better condoms," Wade said with a grin for her. "Between him doing it and HYDRA doing it and a few groupies, he's got thirteen."
"Wow," she said. "How many mothers?"
"Twelve. One's a set of twins."
She hung her head, shaking it. "We all got into the 'vasectomies are cool' talk that night," Clint told her with a grin. "Even pulled up that Family Guy song about it. I think he's had one by now."
"That might be a good idea," she agreed.
"Someone blew up the DNA vault HYDRA had. So maybe not many more," he quipped.
She downed her drink. "I hope they don't get mine."
"Nah, they think women are weaker. They don't even think Natasha's a threat." Wade burst out laughing. "Yeah, but they're stupid. We realize that. It amuses her greatly." Weasel walked off shaking his head but giggling. "Anyway. Two days, battle?" he asked Wade. "Aliens with demon pets who they're going to let eat us. Beheading the demons, shooting the aliens."
"I can do that. Let me know when it starts."
"Cool." He walked off with a nod for a few people. "Battle in two days, people. Shoot the aliens, behead their demonic pets who eat people."
"Thanks for the warning," one of the mercenaries in there said with a little wave. "I'll drink more that day."
Clint looked at him. "One in LA in a few weeks."
"I'll overdose on something that day," he promised. "The girls?"
"Safe. And Bethy was the one they tried." Everyone groaned. "She's good and her sibs are with her."
"Pietro's going to lose his mind," Wade complained.
"Wanda has," Clint said before leaving.
Wade just looked at the others. "Harris has hid the slayer house from everyone. Hopefully they can come back safely in a few days. School's about to start so the girls are pouty probably." He looked at Cable. "The last alien thing we had, we all wanted butt plugs. This one should be easier."
"I saw the invasion in LA," Domino said. "I nearly shit myself from in front of the tv. I can't even imagine."
"Hopefully we won't have to. LA may be safer for them to show up at."
"If not, the military is going to have to deal with it and not complain because they're part of the problem," Weasel said as he came back with a new keg for beer. "Can't imagine all the complaining by the same people that wanted to kill them."
"They need to grow a set and man up," Domino said. "It'd be great if they did." She looked over. "Isn't Bethy like her dad?" she mouthed. He nodded. "That didn't come out."
"Because it would make those idiots try harder," Wade agreed. "Xander invoked that law too. He's right, they can't arrest him for it with that law making mutants outside the law." He finished his drink and shook his head. "I have no idea how this is going to end." He looked at the fourth wall he could sense. "I hope some of you do."
Cable, who was getting used to that problem, just shook his head. "Those sort get theirs when the ones they hated don't protect them. They can scream all they want but it'll mean more of those sort get killed by a problem." He stretched. "How big are the aliens?"
"About people sized, maybe a bit bigger, and rail skinny as Xander said. Their pets are like linebakers on all fours with huge teeth."
"So bite proof things," Domino quipped. "I need to find some chainmail."
"Ask the renfaire sort," Weasel said. "They can do that." She grinned and tipped him before strolling off. He looked at Wade. "Don't lose more body parts?"
"I'm going to try. It sucks when it regrows." He got up. "Let me go sharpen swords and count bullets." He walked off, hitting one guy who was trying to flirt with his buddy. She just smirked but he shrugged. "Women's lib means that you can do it on your own but he has a hard jaw. You don't need a broken hand."
"Thanks for the hand saving. I might have a use for it later." He leered but left her to her handsy pursuits. She watched him go, knowing he was still upset about losing Vanessa, but maybe sometime soon someone would make him feel better. Not her, she couldn't stand his level of crazy, but someone.
After the battle, Xander was at his hideout, moaning in pain. "That sucked," he told himself. "You sucked, they sucked, and the others had to cover for me. I have to get better." He tried to sit up and failed. "Okay, stomach. You want water, we have to get up." He made himself sit up this time, panting in pain as he made it. "Wow. Yeah, water. No heaving it back up," he said to his stomach. "Let's stand. We'll like standing." He made himself stand up and wandered to the kitchen to get some water. He'd throw up anything more solid. "I haven't felt this bad since Egypt." Someone pounded on the door. "Do we know you?" he called, heading that way at a trudge. They knocked again. He opened it and stared at Wade, who held up a bag. "Drugs?" he guessed with a grin.
"Chinese." He walked around him to put it on the table.
"Thanks. I can eat that tomorrow, when I'm back to solid food." He checked the hall then closed the door to follow his buddy. "You seem mad. What happened?"
"Who was the guy?"
"My ex I'm going to shoot if I see him again. He reminded me I'm not a slayer." He sipped his water then gagged and put the glass down. "Sorry."
"Did he shoot you?"
"Tried to stab me for not going with his weak minded ploy to get me away from the battle so his buddies could kill me for being a mutant. Apparently that made him ashamed to have fucked me. All his people are hating him because he's bad in bed."
"Real winner then and I'm glad I shot him later when he tried to grab you."
Xander hugged him. "Thanks, Wade. No one wants to end my former lovers for me." He winced as he straightened up. "Sorry."
"Did you get hit by their weapons?"
"Twice." He nodded. "Through body armor."
"Fuck." He pulled Xander closer to look at his stomach. "Did you get checked?" Xander snorted, shaking his head. "You could have perforated intestines."
"No, I just have muscle stiffness."
"The Sunnydale House of Horrors took it when I was seven. It was cool that Willow did my stitches for me afterward to correct stuff."
Wade stared at him. "What?"
"Yeah, Sunnydale was like that." He shrugged and sipped his water. "You were lucky if you survived our hospital. I did twice."
Wade looked so confused. He even took off his mask to stare at him. "It was that bad?"
"Yup. Sunnydale was created to help the former Mayor ascend into a huge demon snake. He made all sorts of deals and our hospital took advantage of it. They'd sell to the demons who could eat blood or skin or whatever so they weren't attacking people. Only a few bodies though, that was the morgue." Wade shuddered. "Yeah, but it was home for years. You kinda got used to it. Everyone else had a great ignoring it all things going on." He shrugged then winced. "It was home." He went into the kitchen. "Want some water or something?"
"You should still hit a healer."
Xander looked at him. "If I go outside either one of the goons from the other day or one of that pathetic bedtoy's people is going to shoot me and that would probably hurt worse. So I'll baby my sore muscles myself."
"You could go to another city with the magic stuff."
"Then I'd have to figure out the safe areas and all that. If it was more serious I would've done that already."
"Uh-huh." He stared at him. "You're trying too hard."
Xander grimaced. "No, this is just the guy I grew up to be. I was a lot happier and a bigger baby about injuries before Africa and especially Egypt." He got himself more water and sat down, then winced and held his stomach. "Sorry."
"I'm only walking because I have healing gifts." Wade hauled him up, making him moan. "C'mon, bed."
"I have to stay up to field calls."
"Bullshit. The girls are in Cleveland or wherever. They're just going to call to nag. You don't need that."
"Bethy's called to see if we've found her mom."
"She's in the hospital. I'll let her know if Wanda hasn't." He hauled Xander to his bed and made him lay down then went to confiscate his cellphone. Two voicemails he listened to. Former lovers who were complaining that Xander had treated his other lover so badly. Xander clearly needed better than those limp dicks. He did text Bethy with a note it was him doing it. She sent back a thank you and she'd find her to check on her. He noted Wanda was back. She sent back a squeal and she'd talk to her aunt. Wade put the phone down, watching it for the senior slayers to call to nag.
Sure enough, one came up Faith. "Hello," he answered. He grinned at the plucky sounding woman. "No it's Wade." She said something and they told her. "Exactly. He's in bed. Sore muscles. Claims he's fine. I suggested but he insisted." He listened to her advice. "Yup. No, I brought him chinese. I'll let him know. No, probably a few days. Thanks." He hung up. He heard Xander groaning. "Faith said she'll send the girls to fuss in a few days."
"Wonderful," Xander called back. "Just what I need."
Wade heard a groan and went to check on him. "A vision now?" he demanded.
"Mercy's going to be out helping your friend Al and they're going to be attacked by a mutant." He rubbed his forehead. "That's going to suck because she won't have enough weapons."
"I'll tell her." He went to mix him something to drink. Xander took it with his eyes closed. "Drink, it'll help." Xander trusted him enough to drink it and it made him pass out. He took the notepad Xander had been making notes on to text to Mercy's phone. She sent back a 'I'll kill the asshole if he tries me' and pointed out who it probably was. Her answer back said she'd handle it and thanks plus to make Xander nap. He said he was and told them to be more careful. She sent back a pithy emoji and left it there.
Wade shook his head. The girls were so weird sometimes.
Pietro walked off the quinjet into the tower and immediately had to stop. His sister was staring at him. "Did I change suddenly?" he demanded, looking at himself.
"Your former girlfriend is in the hospital thanks to her taste in men," she said, sipping her iced tea.
He stared at her. "I'm assuming one of the mothers of my children?"
He glared at her. "What has happened this time?"
"Her boyfriend was anti-mutant and anti-slayer." She turned on the tv. He shifted to watch it, doing a credible growl from it. "I've talked to her. She's safely with her siblings at a slayer house to hide her." She took another drink while he calmed himself down. "They still want to charge her for defending herself." He glared at her again. "Xander got her out of the way and to safety. I haven't heard from him since the battle yesterday but the news had him limping away so he's probably healing."
"The one who sent her mother to the hospital?"
"Isn't under charges. Yet."
"Any other things I should know?"
"Go shower, you stink. She tried to come see us the other day and we were gone so she had to hike to the slayer house. She had to pause in the mercenaries bar to break her path so Xander picked her up from there because she didn't tell him she was running away." He walked off shaking his head. "She would at least like a call."
"Of course. Let me shower and then I'll call and possibly go down to rescue the bigger slayers from the cooing the youngest three do." He turned on the news in his rooms while he took a shower, hearing all the bullshit going on. He stared. They hadn't exposed her as a mutant as well. "Probably to protect her," he admitted. He showered and came out, calling her. "I am just back and your aunt told me you had problems. No, I will make sure he pays if he is not in jail, Beth." He listened to her babble. "Do you want to come up? We can protect you." He smiled. "I will be down there tonight then. Of course. I'll check before I come down. I miss you as well." He hung up and went to go talk to Steve. He'd know what was truly going on. He was coming off the elevator as Pietro came out of his apartment. "Is the boyfriend not in jail?"
"The prosecutor's office said he should be. The police aren't arresting him." He stared at him. "They're trying to protect her by not exposing her as a mutant. Xander actually invoked the anti-mutant law to keep from being arrested."
"I can make him beg to be arrested."
"Which is outside the law. They watch us for things like that. Plus they don't know she's your daughter."
"Which does protect her from some who would come for her to get me."
"Exactly. Logan's went to check on her and protect her for a bit. Xavier is furious that they tried that on a young mutant."
"Because he considers slayers weak," Pietro agreed. Steve nodded, he had heard him say that sort of thing before. "Any other issues?"
"Xander's not answering the phone. Deadpool did. All the girls are out of the areas. Even Kara and Piotr."
"Good. Those sort need to protect themselves."
"There's a problem coming in LA in a few days." Pietro glared at him. "I was going to help with the battle but I was going to ask you and Wanda to protect the slayer house. Considering one of the local minis got to turn in a weapon from some idiot trying to fire a missile into her house...." He got glared at again. "Mimsy. She turned the weapon over to Deadpool since Xander was busy. Oh, and Xander got into a small fight during the battle when one of his lovers showed up to complain about him protecting the girls. That may be why he's not answering the phone."
"I'll check on Xander in a few minutes." Steve handed over the note about the house. "Like that book?"
"Yup, apparently. He's at the backup house as far as we know."
"An excellent idea." He handed the paper back and walked off. "Let me call some people, see if they can encourage the bastard to turn himself in."
"As long as no one realizes that one of us did it," Steve called after him. "Because that'll make it harder on us. If I knew someone who'd go beat him I would've already done it." He shrugged when Pietro looked back at him. "Bucky's in Europe."
Pietro smiled. "Let's see where some of mine are." He went to gather his sister and hauled her behind him.
"I can walk," she complained.
"Good. We must find the boyfriend to make him turn himself in." He grinned at her.
"Agreed. I've talked to the poker hall Xander goes to. They can't find him yet but wouldn't look at me in the face."
"Hmm. Well.... There's other options." He grinned at her once they were in the elevator. "We can ask some friends." She nodded. His sort of friends weren't easy to find but not that hard today. It was like they were expecting him. Which...a few did have foresight. He stared at one, letting his sister go sit down. "The one who beat the mother of my eldest?"
"Hiding in Hoboken with his buddies," he said with a grin.
"They won't arrest him?"
"If they did, the NYPD people won't keep him."
"If he turns himself in to the prosecutors office?"
"They'll keep him. Unless they find out she's a mutant as well."
"Can that be changed?"
"I don't know. You'd have to ask someone like Harris, who is hiding." He sipped his drink. "No one's sure why."
"He had injuries from what I was told." He looked around then at him. "Can you have someone visit that man and his friends?"
"Yep." He grinned. "We've got a lot of volunteers. The slayers want him to face regular justice but some of us are realistic."
"Good! My daughter?"
"They're all fine and in Cleveland at the moment. They'll be moving for the battle just in case."
"I was going to go watch the house with them."
"That could help. People are really worried the slayers are going to abandon the US."
"I would but they're more heroic than I am," he admitted. He sat down. "Anything that wasn't on the news?"
"Not yet. The slayers explained everything to the news people. They don't want to have kids tortured. Which is what everyone is complaining about. If it was an adult slayer it probably would've been covered up."
"Probably. Any idea of any plans going on?"
"Not yet. We were waiting on the explosion but Harris is too damaged or he's being held hostage."
"I was going to check on him soon."
"Good luck." He grinned at the young woman walking over. "Shouldn't you be safe?"
"I am safe. My boo has my back, like usual." She kissed Pietro on the cheek. "She's got Bruno too. It's good experience for the semi-adult slayers to babysit so they know what hell kids are." She smiled at the other mutant. "I'm going to stomp someone. Hoboken still?" He nodded, eyes wide. She winked. "Well, my Brad is a merc." She strolled off. "The girls are waiting to squeal on you, Wanda. They want clothing suggestions." She strolled out to meet her husband, who grinned at her. "Hoboken."
"I love Hoboken. It's just asking to be broken in some spots." He escorted her off, arm over her shoulders. They nodded at a guy they knew was a local mutant on a minor team. The guy paused, stared to look at them, then shuddered and put out a warning that she was pissed off. He ran after her. "Weasel said to stop in, guys. Some of Xander's ex's are causing problems."
"I guess I can do that." She grinned. "Is he still injured?"
"Yup. We think so since he's not been seen since the battle."
"Cool. I can fix that too." She smiled at her husband, who just kissed her deeply for a moment before taking her to the bar. She strolled over to the bar, punching Deadpool on the shoulder. "I should bring Bruno to squeal at you again. He thinks you're cute."
He grinned through the mask. "Thanks, kiddo. Shouldn't you be safer?"
"Yup but we're going to Hoboken. The girls are watching Bruno for a few hours. What's wrong with Xander? Last we heard you were hovering a tiny bit. We all know you're badass enough to be one of Xander's boyfriends, but not really slightly evil enough."
"He's injured and in a hospital for a change. I was watching over him and his bruised intestinal muscles, and minor stab wound and healing gunshot grazes, and a boyfriend broke in to complain he had picked a slayer over a lover. So he got up to kill them and fell down with a massive vision and ripped muscles."
"Shouldn't the spell...."
"He's got magic and tracked it. Apparently a high priest of some chaos god."
"Great!" She smiled. "That boyfriend?"
"No clue," he admitted.
"Well, we can check. Which hospital?"
"The private one uptown." He wrote down an address and room number. "He's there."
"We can pause there on the way back." Her husband coughed. "We can't?"
"I figured Hoboken was closer to Cleveland."
"Then we can sneak in tonight on the way to Hoboken."
"Is Pietro back?" he demanded.
"Yup, and talking to people in another bar that's a lot like this one only brighter." She kissed him on the cheek. "If you wanted to boink Xander, we wouldn't mind. We know you're not evil but you're badass enough for him, and we wouldn't even get weird over cheerios since we don't get up until mid-afternoon anyway." She smiled and winked at Weasel. "Let us go talk to people."
"You have fun with that and I want baby pictures." She pulled some out to show him. "Awww. He's getting big."
"He's getting very heavy to carry around and he hates to crawl or walk," she complained. "He's so spoiled he thinks he'll always be carried." She put the pictures up and let Brad pay for a round of drinks before they left together.
Weasel looked at Deadpool. "It'd probably be a happy bed if you did take that very broad order."
"Probably. Not ready for that yet."
"Well, if you wanted to, he's a good way to get back on the horse."
"Yeah, he might be. And be bouncy fun too." He finished his drink before going to shadow those two. They didn't want Bruno to grow up without his parents. The one demon that tried to stop them got a dirty look from Penny but he begged her quietly and she nodded it'd be handled. The demon thanked her and ran off. Penny went up to visit Xander by herself while Brad called someone about the problem the demon had told her about.
Penny smiled as she walked the idiot into the prosecutor's office in Queens. "I believe the Manhattan office wanted this supposed man," she said dryly. "But they're under a lot of protestors."
The secretary called someone. "Are you a bounty hunter, ma'am?"
"No, I'm a slayer and this supposed human threatened a ten-year-old girl," she said dryly. "For daring to be born. Most of us slayers are on the version of 'I'll be damned' about him and his buddies." A guard came out. She looked him over then snorted, shaking her head. "I don't hand this over to anyone like you, bigot." He stepped back, eyes wide. A lawyer came over. She recognize him. "Sir, are you here to talk about this supposed human?"
"No, I have a case here," he said, tapping his cane around to find her. "Do you need some support, Slayer Penny?"
"No, sweetheart. This is the idiot that tried to kill a ten-year-old girl for daring to be born. All the slayers are really mad at him for it."
"I heard on the news and I hope that girl's all right."
"She's fine. She's helping babysit my own spawn at the moment. He's cute and cuddly and squealy so the girls like that because he likes to dress up with them." A lawyer came out. "Are you here for him or the nice guy next to me?" she asked with a smile.
"Him, ma'am. What did he do?" She shook the idiot and he begged the lawyer to arrest him for trying to kill slayers. She smiled at him. "Also, you should know that his people were planning on attacking a mutant foster home."
"The laws...we don't like that law here," the prosecuting attorney said.
"Neither do we but it's damn handy since Xander had to fight some of your people and he's got a tiny gift."
"That we did find handy but annoying," he admitted.
"We find it all annoying. Especially since there are slayers that are mutants." She grinned. "A few of the tiny ones are."
"Oh." He blinked a few times. "The one related to this one?"
"She is," the man complained.
She glared at his head, making him shrink down away from her. She looked at him. "She maybe is. We keep that quiet because people like him would attack her harder."
"True. I... yeah, we can use that one. We can work on that and slayers are in a special category anyway." He handcuffed the idiot guy. "We can hand him over."
"They've got a ton of protestors or I would've went there."
"We heard. We can handle him. Mr. Murdock?"
"Here about a client who's being pressured." He pulled out a folder to hold up.
He looked at it. "I'll let her know you're here. She's in a bad mood so fair warning. Thank you, Slayer..."
"Penny." She smiled. "I'm kinda retired to be a mom." She patted the nice lawyer on the arm. "I'm going to go fuss over Xander. He's in the hospital thanks to an ex-boyfriend I'm going to feed to a poker debt." She strolled off.
Matt Murdock shook his head. "They're all very strong, strong women. Even the tiny ones."
"They are and I'm happy they're normal young women mostly." He walked his victim off but paused in an office. "Murdock's here to talk to you about being a pushy bitch." She smirked and went to talk to him. They all heard her swearing because he had just proven his client innocent but that was the way the prosecutor's office ran some days. He called his boss and the prosecutor over that case together to let them know about the additional information they hadn't heard. They all hated that law and it might be the thing to get it changed.
Penny walked into Xander's hospital room with her son and her husband. "The idiot told the prosecutors that Bethy's got the extra special calling. They think they can use it to maybe overturn that law." Brad picked the cuffs Xander was in to let him go free. "Who?" she asked with a point at them.
"A helper for a different ex, this time an ex-girlfriend. I gave in so they wouldn't try to take the whole hospital hostage." He took the kid to hold, getting squealed at. "It's good you're a happy boy, Bruno. We like that about you." The baby squealed and bounced, making him wince a bit. "You're fine," he said, swatting at mom's hands. "It's just bruised."
"Uh-huh. You're in the hospital and haven't escaped in two days. I'm sure it's just minor bruising, Xander." She stared at him.
"That's due to the ex-boyfriend." He let the baby sit on him so he could clap, laugh, and bounce around.
Brad took his son to hold. "You're very loud today. You need to learn how to be subtle." The baby squealed louder than ever, bringing a nurse. "He really loves Xander."
"Most of the minis do love Xander," Penny agreed, smiling at her. "Hi. He's okay."
"Who're you?" she asked.
"Slayer Penny. That's my husband and my son. We're going to be fussing over Xander for a bit. Don't worry, we're not mean." She grinned. The nurse snorted but went to make a note. She grinned at Xander, who groaned. "You've been avoiding Faith's calling to nag."
"I don't think I have my phone. Who did she talk to?"
"I do remember him helping me after a vision right after the battle. He might know where my phone is."
"I can ask him later. Bruno wants to squeal at him a lot."
"The girls have been hovering some over him thanks to him losing Vanessa."
She sniffled. "She left him?"
"A bad guy shot her."
"Oh, fuck no," she muttered. "Poor Wade. Honey...."
"Of course you can go visiting. The baby really loves him," Brad said patiently.
"The girls kidnaped him and tied him up to make him feel better," Xander told him. "I left for a day to go loot another realm of some mystical artifacts. They tied him up on the couch, fed him ice cream, and read him bedtime stories."
"That's sweet of the hellion squad," Brad said, hiding a grin in the baby's head.
"Awww." Penny looked at the woman walking in wearing high heels, a business suit, and had a very severe updo. "Natasha," she said with a smile and a nod. "Are you the ex-girlfriend that had him handcuffed?"
"No. I am not evil enough to be one of his lovers." She looked at Xander. "They're charging the boyfriend today."
"He *really* wanted to confess once we had a talk," Brad assured her with a smile.
Natasha smiled back, waving at the squealing and waving baby. "Hello, Bruno. I'm glad you two could capture him. Penny, it may not be safe. He has many friends in the NYPD."
"Then my son's going to Xander and we'll nag like our name's Cordelia and Whistler." Xander burst out laughing. "We will."
"Got to be less boring," Brad agreed. He looked at his son and sniffed him. "Just air." Natasha smiled at them but left to tell the others she had found Xander.
Penny got comfortable. "Just farting is fine. It's the rest of the stuff we all hate." She took the baby back so he could sit on her lap and then handed him back to Xander. Bruno was tired and would help Xander rest. "Dear, do you remember what we were talking about earlier?" she asked patiently.
"The sex stuff? If that's what you want I'll gladly gift you that for your birthday." He smirked a tiny bit. "No matter what kink you want to try."
"Too late," she said, staring at him.
"No, your birthday's next week," he said slowly, frowning. Xander patted the baby on the back with a grin. "Oh! Oh, really!" He stared at her. "Aren't you on the pill?"
"I was," she said. "But you're just too strong, Brad."
"Oh, dear. I know we said only the one."
"Uh-huh. And this time we'll be able to do it without the coven."
"Please," Xander agreed. "You should tell Tara."
"I did. She squealed all night." She looked at her husband again.
"Then you're definitely getting laid for your birthday," he quipped, winking at her. "Now that I don't have to worry." She blushed but grinned back. The former girlfriend showed up in a wave of perfume and a swirl of faux fur. Penny grabbed her to talk to her up the hallway before she could get near the baby or Xander. The girlfriend left sobbing but she did leave. She strolled back, setting in her chair again. "So anyway. We should fuss over him like he did after I gave birth, hon."
"We can do that. Especially with the girls out of the area for a bit. No one will interrupt your fussing to get their turn." Xander let out a moan so they grinned at him.
Cordelia showed up that night, staring at the sleeping guy with the baby napping against his shoulder. "Well, that's a sight no one wanted to see," she said quietly, waking just Xander. She spelled the two parents. Xander blinked at her. "Is that him?"
"This is Bruno, yeah," he said quietly. "What's up?"
"You didn't make it harder on the slayers."
"Good. Thank you for letting me know. Doesn't make me feel much better by having to do it at all."
"Yeah, well, not in our plans. That's another higher demon trying to get some power."
"The high priest of Loki told me that when he demanded I donate blood and a tiny piece of heart tissue that he'd have to harvest by hand to go back and change all that. I told him to blow me."
She stared then nodded once. "It probably wasn't his high priest."
"I realized that since I can kinda see through illusions when I'm too far gone in pain." He licked his lips. "Any further clues you want to give? Maybe about the battle in LA?"
"Yeah, don't go. Any of you if you can. They're probably going to be shooting at the slayers and you." He nodded at that. "But by all means, stop it by higher weapons."
"I'll see what I can get done. Should anyone show up?"
"Probably not. Any mutants they'd see as a bonus." He grimaced but nodded. "But by all means, find a way to stop it anyway, Xander."
"I'll do my best. Are you sure they won't rebound on Bethy?"
"No. We're not. The higher demon trying things probably won't because he realizes that means that humanity dies and so does his power base. She'll be a fantastic slayer some year. Very good as a senior slayer over them all." He grinned. "But for now, heal?"
"Yeah, but you're not."
"That's because there's a nurse that hates me for being a mutant."
"Whatev's. Just get better."
He smiled. "If I die from an incident I've set a debt in line to bring me back as an avatar of justice."
"No, they can try. They won't manage it. That's an older magic than theirs." She swallowed but nodded, and whined. "Is that higher demon one of them?"
"No. Though... did you move the artifacts?"
"Of course." He grinned. "They're safely stored. And if I need to use them to stop LA, so be it." She winked and left after waving at the baby. He looked down. "That's really good to know, huh, Bruno. We'll figure it out. Slayers always figure it out, even if I do have to give a signpost." He cooed and sucked his thumb, going back to sleep. Xander shifted to cuddle him better.
Penny, who had woken up before Cordelia had disappeared, looked at her husband, who just smirked back. She would handle that nurse, who was demonic anyway, and he'd tell others so they could bring a lot of weapons to LA's battle.
Xander finally got home and groaned as he headed for his room. He patted his axe, which hummed and shifted under his hand. "Baby, I've got to do something weird that might upset you. If so, go to Bruno for a bit, okay?" He got into the artifacts, pulling out three. One he threw out a window. He had to flinch away from the sudden shaft of light of the appearing demon that wanted that thing. Then he shot the demon. It screamed but died and that artifact sucked it up. He grinned and waved at the staring people. "It was the one prompting people to kill slayers," he called. "If you break it he can't come back."
The people all came to stomp on it. Xander closed the window and went to the living room, putting the two artifacts on a coffee table and sitting on the couch. That same 'high priest' showed up sneering at him. "When I'm in a lot of pain I can see through illusions," he said bluntly. "And that spell you wanted to do would only undo one problem. Which is why I didn't let you do it. To save the slayers I'd even date the devil, or point out I looted those two recently." He waved a hand. Loki looked then sneered at him. "Not from this realm."
"Those are dangerous, mortal."
"Yup. Then again I help the slayers. And I'm the one that saved the temple in the Ivory Coast."
Loki licked his lips, staring at the artifacts. "Are they a gift?"
"With a condition."
"Of course," Loki sneered.
Xander grinned. "It might actually please you. The higher up that's trying to get the slayers out of his way for an attempt on the world? One of the older Powers, from before the PTB took over." Loki shuddered. "Yeah, back when your dad was a mewling little infant." The axe slowly floated out. "It's cool, axe." Loki gave it an odd look. "It came for me to hold it during the thing in London with the elves. It likes a few of the slayers too."
"Has Thor seen such?"
"Yeah, he saw it when it came for me." He grinned. "And I'm the one that rescued the staff too." Loki shivered. "I'm also a seer. I see apocalypse battles. Including the one upcoming on Asgard for the higher up over the ones we defeated. They were some of his lower minions." He waved a hand and his own staff appeared, making him smile. The axe tapped the staff, getting a tap back. "So."
"What do you propose, mortal? Not many would be this ballsy."
"Dude, I fucked Anyanka when she was rehumaned and nearly married her until I walked away from our wedding for her own good." Loki moaned in a sexual way, sitting down. "Now, there's these two, the Council has that one," he said with a point. "In the artifact vault. But it's empty. The other is destroyed on this realm. But it could be useful against Thanos. Or really Hela since she's coming first. Right for Asgard."
Loki licked his lips then nodded. "I've heard the rumors of that event."
"No, you'll end up destroying Asgard to save the people. I've never been more than off time."
Loki nodded once. "For that help against her you'll want me to what, take out that God?"
"I need information on it and I'll take on the thing myself if I can. Or I'll die trying probably."
"Yes, you would. Those ancient demons are not something mortals can fight."
Xander grinned. "I've helped battle three other ascended demons, Lord Loki. Is this one worse?"
"You created a volcano?"
"No, we blew them the fuck up." Loki looked confused so Xander pulled up a video to show him. "We blew them up. Including one here in town."
Loki sat back, staring at this mortal. "What would that demon be of concern to me?"
Xander grinned. "If I'm right, he's the one that put your almost spouse under control."
Loki growled. "You know of thus?"
"Anyanka told me. She taught me Norse too." He grinned. "She was very helpful on the slaying team and shared a multitude of fantasies about you and your brother. Apparently at one time she wanted to be a hammer warmer and wanted to sit on your crown of horns."
Loki burst out laughing. "I knew of her."
"She was a great lady and I'm still sad and grieving that I lost her when we won against the First Evil." Loki quit laughing to stare at him oddly. Xander nodded. "We, the slayers, beat her when she came out. And we went in there to do it. Now I back up the slayers as a watcher. Which is why I'm asking you to help with that one being. And his demise will create a great bit of chaos when others rush to take his place. That could amuse you or give you some leeway to grab some of your own."
"That would be amusing. I think I can help you and the slayers. My brother is most amused by them." Xander got up and found a letter, bringing it back. "What is this?"
"The vision against Hela and then Thanos if you don't defeat her for real."
Loki settled in to read it, eyebrow going up at one point. "That is something to take care of, yes."
"Yes it is," Xander agreed calmly. "And the one that's coming after my girls is part of that."
"He is." He stared at him. "You do magic."
"Some. I got woken up by a version of myself that is a cursebreaker on his realm. It's how I looted these two from a technological realm." He grinned. "I'm also a mutant with a small finding affinity for metal and one hell of a survivor."
"I..." He looked at the letter then at the artifacts. "I can help you defeat that enemy. I know very little on their kind but I will find some for you. In return, you bury those."
"In truth, one of them would help against Hela." He grinned. "And it's in payment for helping the slayers. Because if you win we don't have a battle for my girls to go into."
"Point. The other one?"
Xander tapped that one then grinned at him. "If you want payment for helping against that demon I would wish for a small map to his city when you find it."
"You want to loot it?"
"It holds weapons that mean the slayers can win someday." He smiled. "And if I find pretty things perhaps I can find a mate that's not an arms dealer. Or a chaos mage. By the way, I've actually met your high priest and he screams quite pleasingly during sex in a high pitched voice that may break glass. And he really likes prostate play." He smiled. "That's also how I knew it wasn't him. He would've suggested doing it during a blow job."
Loki shook his head quickly. "I can see why you enjoy such things."
"I'd just like one that liked me." The axe bopped him on the shoulder. "Hey, if he can introduce me to a great lover from Asgard, no one will mind." The axe settled down again. He grinned. "Do we have a deal?"
"Are you making a deal with the devil?"
"No, you're chaos incarnate. That's neither good or evil. I know the devil. I met him on my roadtrip when I was stripping. He tipped pretty well and liked kinda rotgut scotch. His hands are really chilly though for some reason." He shook his head quickly. "Sorry, sidetracked."
Loki blinked at him. "I've met the one you described. He does have weirdly cold hands." Xander grinned and opened a file on his phone to show him. Loki read and his eyes went wide. "Where is this?" he demanded.
"Twelve realms to the right," he said with a point and a smirk. "I met him at a convention."
"Oh," he said. He tossed the phone down, swallowing hard. "At least you are not asking that."
"Nope. I'd hate being pregnant. The slayers would nag me forever about breaking the thought that I'm normal to them."
Loki snickered. "Not hardly, little mortal. Fine, I will help. You're right, it will be amusing." He took both artifacts and the vision's explanation with him and went to shake himself. He took them to the vault area and then went to find Heimdall to hand over the vision. "Have ours seen it yet?"
He read, shaking his head. "No, though a few have seen Hela." He looked at him. "It will be bad."
"We have a way around it perhaps. That one needs help with a problem ancient one."
"Or two," Heimdall said with a grin. "We are fighting one of them already and he will be the key to Hela returning."
"We have something to fight her with now."
"Good. That one is crazy but has ideas that often work." He walked off. "Let me check on those."
"Thank thee." He went to brood in the library. This was going to be very bad. Perhaps he should start moving things to a safer realm for a bit.
Xander looked at his axe, which bopped him again. "At least I warned you. And hey, we have a few other artifacts that will be helpful." He kissed it then his staff. "C'mon, let's go talk to Thor." They attached to his back and he grabbed the other copy of that vision, heading for the tower. The security guards scowled. "Visions of an upcoming battle," he quipped. "Because those alien assholes last year are not the worst, they were minions." They called upstairs and a higher guard came down. Xander stared at him. "Wow, HYDRA. What a shock." The guy pulled a gun on him. Xander stared at him. "Really? Sure, I can not tell them about the visions for the end of half of everyone at a finger snap." He stood there until the guard sneered and called someone. Xander texted someone and they came down. He grinned at Clint. "Is Thor in?"
"Last night. How did you know?"
"Stupid visions that mean he's going to not have a home to go home to."
"Damn. C'mon. You could've appeared."
"Can't do magic today." He followed Clint to the elevator and upstairs. "Did you really hire the HYDRA guy?"
"Not my call but probably. We're still trying to find them all."
"Well, the higher ancient one that's after the slayers might take them out." They came off the elevator and the axe floated over to Thor. "Hey." He stared at Thor. "Just had to have a talk with someone and he's upset with me." He held up the vision. "Did you know you have a sister?"
"Nay," he said, taking it to read. He sat up suddenly, making Xander back up. He looked up at him. "When?" he demanded.
"Didn't get one beyond flowering trees. Looks like an oak tree, seen right outside the throne room when you're staring at the throne." He sat down to let him finish reading. "Because of my looting in a Stargate world," he said, making Tony Stark choke on his current cup of healthy green thing. "I ran into three artifacts. One was used to trap a demon that was bothering the slayers. Two were given in gift to have help with the Ancient One, one that was a full demon king when your father was crawling and cooing at pictures, and to help end that."
Thor stared at him. "Who did you speak to?"
"Your brother." He grinned. "He showed up pretending to be his high priest wanting hellmouth tainted blood to do a spell that would help with the problem the slayers are having thanks to that idiot ancient one. One of the artifacts holds the power to defeat Hela, and the one who summoned her. Which is the same thing bothering the slayers. He's the one prompting the anti-mutant people too."
Thor considered it. He looked at the axe then back at the warrior. "Usually it would leave someone who made a deal with my brother."
"I made a deal to get help against him and because if you guys lose against Hela, Thanos comes here. I don't want *any* of us in *that* battle."
"But it's Loki," Clint said.
"Chaos isn't good or evil. It's just a power and it depends on what you use it for. Sometimes chaos is the thing that will make a battle be won because the other side being chaosed means they fall apart." He smiled. "Like what I did in the Ivory Coast when I was saving those temples." Clint shivered. "He's agreed to help me at least learn about that ancient idiot who's going to cause everyone problems. And hopefully help in the battle against him."
"He could handle a battle against such a problem," Thor agreed quietly. He stared at him. "But if that one is ended...."
"Hela will still show up. He's already calling her. If you don't win against Hela, all hell comes to Earth when we fight Thanos. And his sparkly glove."
Thor sat up straighter, shuddering. "I had not heard much of that but I know of the glove you speak of." He considered it for a minute. "I would help against that ancient one."
"No, you go win against Hela. This one's an ancient demon king. We might not win against him fully but we'll win somehow. It's more important you don't lose to Hela. Because if you do, then there's no Asgard. Then there's no earth." Thor nodded quickly. "So you...sidestep a lot of things. Unless you want to go to that battle world?" He waved a hand with a grin. "Up to you about that." Thor grimaced but nodded. He grinned at him. "But, and this is a huge but, you need to find some way to convince a few people there to help you.
"Will the Grandmaster like it? No, but he's really boring in bed. You can quote me." Thor choked but nodded. "He wanted to be worshiped. I was having a horrible week. I really wanted cuddled. He wasn't that sort." Thor slumped, shaking his head. Xander grinned at him. "Beyond that I found things for him that he had lost around his palace. That's how I bought myself freedom." He looked at Tony, tossing over the letter. Then he looked at Thor again. "I have no idea what to tell you beyond what I've seen."
"No, that is wise of you and going to my brother for help against that ancient demon king would be wise as well. He could win against one." He patted the axe, which flew back to Xander's back to rest again. "You do Asgard a great service, Xander."
Xander grinned. "I asked your brother to introduce me if he found someone my type who could keep up with me too." Thor laughed but nodded. "So please do."
"I...yes, if I should find a warrior worthy of you I will gladly introduce you."
"I'm not picky, Thor. As long as they'll be good for me and the girls I'm all happy with it." He smirked. "As long as they sometimes like to cuddle and like sex a lot. Anya did raise my stamina way too high."
Clint shook his head with a sigh. "I saw the videos about her from your phone. Jeez."
Xander smirked at him. "I nearly married that woman." He looked at Thor again. "You have fun with that."
"I...I hope I can have fun instead of doing more serious things."
"So do I. And I gave Loki the Cup of Gorta." Thor gasped, sitting straight up again. "I found it on that Stargate universe." He could see Thor clenching his ass muscles. "The other was a box of void with a trapped djinn."
Thor whined. "They will definitely help defend Asgard."
"Exactly. And safer up there anyway. Usually something like that I'd sell to a person in my way so they could take themselves out. I get a paycheck since Giles keeps forgetting to pay me. They get taken out without anyone having to help or be noted."
"Is that how you took out the one hell god in Sumatra?" Clint asked.
"No, that was cocaine. He wanted to go a bit wild so I handed him to a succuba I knew that did a lot of clubbing. She introduced him to ecstasy and cocaine. It browned out his brain. She fed her whole clan on him then gave a few favored friends who were flesh eaters the mindless body. He might heal some day but there's only a chest cavity left the last I knew."
Clint was staring in awe. "Is there another one of those?"
"Well, he had a twin. He hated that his brother died that way. He tried to drug me to make me a concubine. I kindly told him I'd pleasure him and I shoved a liquid explosive up as lube and lit it on fire. Then I looted a lot for the girls' support fund. It nearly tripled it." Clint was all tense now. "His mom was so disappointed when she showed up to gather his body. She glared at me but I informed her that humans had free will now and I wasn't a concubine, I was a warrior. She pouted because that same succuba came to apologize for accidentally killing her other son. They got talking and that's how I found out the Powers That Be were bragging about how good Anya said I was in bed. A bit of fingering and the succuba went home with the mommy demon to show her how to get pleasure for reals."
Clint stared at him. "Is all this craziness lack of sex?"
"Did you tap Wade? There's betting."
"Penny told me that. I laughed but Wade's not ready and I'm pretty sure he might be demisexual. He needs some sort of emotional contact to get up there."
Clint reached over to pat him on the arm. "We'll all look for a good boy or girlfriend for you. Do you prefer one over the other?"
"Not really. Most of my girlfriends have tried to kill me after sex. My boyfriends are just dangerous."
"Yeah, we can tell," Clint said, staring at him. "I'll have Natasha ask around."
Xander grinned and hugged him. "Thanks, Clint." He sat up again, looking at Thor. "So anyway, let me get back to my hideyhole. I need to go sort things I looted. Most of them are safe enough but I lost the necklace I found and I wanted to give it to Faith for the holidays. And I need the gold I found to pay for Tara's prezzie." He stood up. "Have a happier day, guys, and let us know what we can do to help." He left a lot more cheerful. Even that HYDRA agent trying to grab him as he came off the elevator didn't break the happy mood. He just turned him into a mouse as he walked past him.
Clint looked at Thor. "Are there people like him on Asgard?"
"Not many," Thor said. "Thankfully. I have mental ideas I do not wish."
"Ditto," Stark said. He took the vision to read over, grimacing. "Oh, crap."
"I will go solve it before it comes down here and endangers the slayers. I would not want Asgard destroyed." He went to pack a few things and took the vision with him to go home. Heimdall smiled at him. "My brother?"
"Around here somewhere, Thor."
"I have no idea."
Thor blinked at him. "That would explain much wouldn't it." Heimdall smiled. "Do you know of one to introduce to the slayer's warrior?"
"He's very nice but I'm too busy for a man like that. I'll ask around."
"Thank thee. He could use it. He's bouncy." He went to find his brother to have a ...talk with him.
Heimdall went back to watching over Xander. He was quite amusing. He could see why Americans really liked that reality tv stuff.
Penny and Bruno sat next to Deadpool at the bar. Thankfully Bruno was sleeping because Wade looked like he had a hangover. She elbowed him gently, getting a dirty look. She grinned. "Should we give you the shovel talk?"
"I'm not dating a slayer."
"No, rumors state someday you may be our future watcher and husband to our present one." He choked and spluttered, shaking his head. Weasel just sighed and cleaned the bar with some paper towels. She patted him on the back. "If you pounce him, we wouldn't mind. I think it'd do him a lot of good to have someone he could booty call regularly. Xander gets weird if he doesn't have sex real often."
Wade wiped his mouth off with his sleeve. "How did that start?"
"Two theories, one about post battle needs, and the other's that you and Cable put him between you two and have weapons foreplay." Cable moaned from his seat. "I haven't really met you yet. I'm Slayer Penny and this is my spawn Bruno. He's a future slayer." He stared at her. She grinned. "The husband is talking to some others about protecting Bethy's mom." She looked at Wade again. "Most of us wouldn't mind if you did. Kennedy's a bit uptight and a prude for being a lesbian but most of us would cheer if Xander had happies more often."
"It does good things for your attitude about the world," Weasel agreed, walking off grinning. Two people started a fight. "Normally I wouldn't care," he called. "But Bruno's in. Stop it!" One of the mercs flinched back, looking around. Penny grinned and waved the baby's hand at him.
"Awww, someone brought in their whore," the other guy sneered. She got up, handing the baby to Wade before she beat his ass good enough to need an ambulance.
She grinned down at him. "No, I'm not a whore. My husband Brad met me here when our watcher let us come in to hang out safely." She smirked. "Watch me have you staked like you're a vampire." She kissed someone on the cheek. "I heard. Congrats on the upcoming wedding, dear. Brad would say the same thing but he's checking on Bethy's mom." She strolled back there, having to turn and punch some guy that pinched her. "Not yours. Brad would be *very* upset that I'm not going to leave him any."
"I can be better than him."
"I doubt that and I'm pregnant." He backed up, eyes wide and hands held up.
"Should you be fighting if you're pregnant?" Weasel demanded. "Xander pulled you from patrol as soon as you tested positive."
"I'm not on patrol. I'm in a usually safe spot to hang out." She grinned, taking her son back. "Tell Weasel he's a silly uncle because your mama can handle a bit of a drunk guy."
Wade got another drink and looked at her. "You're so warped."
"Well, yeah, hormones," she quipped with a grin. "You know, the PTB wanted to knock up Xander. Thankfully he's infertile. It was a side plan by one of them to have a super slayer later on." Wade moaned, shaking his head as he drank. "If so, we'll have to protect him from his ex's because they're mostly dicks." Someone shouted something rude as he walked in so she threw a dagger at him, making him yelp. She grinned. "Hi, Slayer Penny. Who're you? I haven't met you yet." He whined and backed out slowly. "I'd like my dagger back please. My husband gave it to me as a wedding present." Brad walked over the guy, pausing to pluck the dagger out. "Thanks, hon." She took a kiss with a grin. "Wade said all the rumors and the betting pools are wrong."
Brad looked at him. "Can you maybe consider it? Xander's in a creepy place thanks to all the threats."
"Not into him that way. Sorry." He took a drink.
"Damn. We should probably find one of his usual lovers then." He looked at his wife, who just grinned at him. "Yeah, let me do that. He could use some babying and fussing over."
"Most of them think he's just an easy fuck. They probably won't fuss at him," Wade said. "Only one's nearby and she's a cunt."
"Blonde?" Penny asked. "Looks like a seriously whiny bitch that seemingly can't do things without someone holding her leash and patiently giving orders?" He nodded once. "Yeah, we don't appreciate that one too much. She hates that he works with us." She looked at the son. "I love that you nap." He shifted but stayed asleep. Brad stole him to hold. "Okay. Your turn." One of the guys in there came over to look at the baby then at her. "Yup, that's the one that made me crave lemonade crystals over ice cream. He's getting big. He's about to walk."
"He's cute but too damn tiny to be in here."
Penny grinned. "It's safe enough and if we're attacked, Brad will take the baby to safety while I kick ass. It's my turn." The guy nodded and left. "And if you know about any of our watcher's lovers, can you get him laid please?"
"I'll ask our higher ups, Slayer."
"Thanks." She looked at the baby since he had farted. She handed over her purse/diaper bag with a grin. Brad sighed but took him to change on some drunk guy's table. Not like there was changing table in the bathroom here.
"Eww," the drunk guy said. "That's gross." He grimaced. "And it stinks."
"Ass product usually does," Brad agreed. "At least it's not orange."
"He made me quit feeding the baby peas and carrots because he hated changing green or orange diapers," she said with a grin. Wade burst out laughing. "He did."
Another of the mercs looked over. "At least we all grow from that tiny dick. I mean, most of us." He shot Wade a grin.
"Dude," Penny said, holding up her pinky. "We can all tell that's all you have. Wade's got enough that some of the slayers going through puberty used him as their first fantasy guy." She put her hand down, taking the newly rediapered kid back. Then Brad got the guy who had stared at his kid's crotch. "Look, Bruno, Daddy's brawling," she cooed, pointing for him. "Cheer on Daddy. He needs cheered on." Bruno hooted and bounced on her lap until his daddy came over to get a hug.
Wade looked at her. "How far along are you? You didn't get this weird until your sixth month last time."
"Three and a half months." She grinned. "I might be legitimately having a daughter this time."
"If the coven tries to change this one, let me know so Xander doesn't have all the fun," Wade quipped. He finished that drink. Someone burst in firing weapons. Brad shot him before he got anyone but Wade, who was holding his arm. "Damn!"
Penny looked at the wound. "Not too bad, Wade. Just into your arm. Weasel? Tweezers?" He handed over the first aid kit so she pulled the bullet and bandaged the wound. "There, all better." She kissed him on the cheek before standing up. Bruno squealed until Wade gave him another hug. "Let me get us back to the hotel for a few hours. Daddy wanted to celebrate with kinky stuff." Brad grinned at her, walking her out with an arm over her shoulders.
Wade looked at his arm then looked at Cable. "She's one of the older slayers locally. The Devon coven tried to change Bruno into a girl to have a later slayer but Xander beat them nearly to death so they undid it and he's still got the slayer spirit in him." He got another drink, looking at Weasel. Who shrugged. "I doubt she's that kinky."
"Kara was complaining that Penny's pretty vanilla and thinks that butt sex is kinky. Brad's apparently been trying to talk her into it."
"For some, that's pretty kinky," Wade agreed, sipping his new drink. "They don't like the lights on either."
"Unlike Harris, who had sex during a battle," Cable said. "That was actually put into the history books." Wade and Weasel both stared at him. He nodded. "One of the battles no one admitted he handled. It was something ritual to stop the summoning in the middle of the battle." He finished his coffee. "When people hear about what's happened when he was in Africa and the few months in Asia, there's going to be screaming."
Wade hummed. "I wonder if he'll share details. I could use a good smutty thought or six."
"He's got battle videos hidden somewhere. They found them in a bank vault while he was in a hospital looking for his will. Then Rosenburg put things out online."
"Pity she's still not a tiny pink mule," Weasel said dryly.
Wade grinned. "The demons were very happy to help diffuse that evil." He looked at Cable. "He showed up here, handed over money, told Weasel he was going to be getting shitfaced in a corner, and proceeded to do that. One of the working girls got all cuddled but nothing else and he paid her for it. I was at a poker hall and got warned so they asked why. They stopped that evil pretty fast."
"One of his former boyfriends or lovers showed up to get him to a safe spot to sleep it off," Weasel agreed. "He was pretty decent. Only one guy tried him and he warned him then handled it. He was a bit pouty but very cuddly."
Wade nodded. "Very cuddly and the girls all evacuated so they were safe and so he didn't show them what he looked like while drunk."
"It's great when he relaxes," one of the other mercs agreed. "Because Xander's usually uptight."
"The rumors aren't right," Wade said. "I've never bent him over or anything."
"Pity, he could use it." He looked at Cable, who shook his head. "Damn! Someone needs to."
"Call his ex's," Wade quipped. "He could probably use them."
"If I knew one...."
"With Xander, ask some contacts, see if they know him," Weasel said. "Because there's probably more than people realize. I saw a video of his former fiancee who was demanding more than six orgasms a day, put just that way in public. The guy's got stamina."
"Hmm." He called a few friends to talk to them about Xander. It turned out two did know him, and about him but they wanted him out of their way. Another purred about Xander so he suggested he call him since he's coming off a serious injury. He hung up and looked at Wade. "One of my contacts that knows some Hand people warned me they want him out of their way."
"Pity about that. He might have them eaten," Wade quipped with a grin. That might save some people some work too so he might suggest it to the guy later if he wasn't busy.
Weasel just walked away again. He didn't want involved in that. He wasn't Xander's type so he didn't have to think about him in bed.
It's been a shitty week for many people so have some treasures.