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Two Harrises and Two Halves (and A Convention)

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Interestingly enough, it was Bruce who tripped the problem the next time. He was looking over Jane's latest research, and tried to fix something that appeared wrong. Then there was a sound like the air exploded and sucked until he could barely breathe but he could and had to keep himself calm. "JARVIS, I'm really sorry," he called. "But where are we?"

A different voice, a bit deeper and more amused, answered. "Well, you're presently on the wrong realm, Dr. Banner. You appear to have brought most of the SHIELD building to this other realm, and the SHIELD here is not highly amused but Captain America is having a fit at his son so he hasn't heard yet."

Bruce moaned. "Shit. I'm really sorry. It's my mistake. Can we help me fix it?"

"Of course we can," that JARVIS agreed. "I'm sure you'll have a lot of help to fix that. If they're underaged and named Stark, do not let them do anything dangerous if you can. They do tend to do that."

Darcy walked in and looked up. "Hey, J-man, does that mean I'm back here?"

"You are not the Miss Lewis that had been sent over by your biometrics, but nearly."

"No, I talked to her. There was some weird bar with a weird mirror and we chatted while drinking fruity rum drinks with umbrellas. But is this the realm she appeared in? To verify, I heard a neat story about Barton's brother and a popcorn ceiling?"

"Yes, that did happen here due to Dawn. Though she is presently asleep and needs it. The children were heathens earlier."

"Hey, I totally understand that. Is Barton here and have them meet their other selves so they can share ideas?"

"I believe Agent Romanoff is a bit freaked out at her eldest son's mouth. He's a bit mouthy today but told her off in Russian and Greek. He is much like his mother." The AI sighed but sounded more pleased. "Our realm's geeks are coming. Including the you here, Dr. Banner. Miss Lewis, we can let you handle the details for a bit."

"Of course. Just the general geek wrangling?"

"Please. They do need that all the time," he said impatiently. "Sir, you really must eat today," he told Tony as he walked in.

"I ate breakfast! Liz made waffles."

"That was yesterday," the AI said impatiently.

Darcy went to get stuff, bringing it back. "Vegan, organic snack mix?" she offered with a grin. "Before he shuts you down and locks you in a closet so you can't help Bruce undo it?"

Stark looked at her. "Great, another Lewis. Go help Dawn?"

"JARVIS said she's asleep thanks to her kids." She held out the bag with a grin.

He took it to open and eat some, nodding. "Not bad." He looked at the bag, nodding as he walked over. "Okay, what did you do?"

The other Bruce walked in with a sigh. "What's happened now?"

"If we get another invasion I'm going to send the Romanoff kids to take them over," a male voice called on thin air. "With my twins leading them."

Stark looked up. "I doubt Dawn would let you."

"Yes she would," another male voice said. "It'd make them quit fussing at things with their magic."

Darcy looked up. "Xander?" she asked.

He appeared, staring at her. "Yes, dear?"

"Um...my you is my little brother. I need to handcuff him to someone so they'd take good care of him."

He grinned. "That can be fun."

"Yeah but he's exhausted and injured, again, and about to go smite the Council without my help." She stared at him. "Can you Xander cuddle him since he won't let me?"

"Of course I can, Darcy." He patted her on the cheek. "We have conventions for that." He grinned. "Where is he?"

"On my couch upstairs. Pretending he's not injured. Again. Took on a guy he named Todd yesterday who was turning into a demon."

"Ascension?"

"No, just changing into a Hindu-deity looking guy with seven arms and a forehead jewel."

"Oh, that version." He nodded. "You really need artillery for that."

"He quit the Council before he committed genocide and he didn't have any from the parade of bad ex's who think he's hot. So he did it with his axe. And it's broken. It didn't even break when we faced Hela."

He winced. "We can get it fixed. I'll go help your me. You make sure the kids behave?"

"I have no idea about kids but sure. I'll try."

"Thanks, they drive me nuts." He disappeared to go check on that him. Who was really injured. "Well, that blows." He took him to the temple with the pieces of the axe he was petting. "Guys, let's heal this me. He took on an Adavant." The other gods winced but came to help heal him and one took the axe to work on.

Darcy went to get the kids tinkering with Jane's machines out of them. "Guys, go help the adult geeks before you break it please? I know you're greater than anyone thinks but you might have to rebuild it twice to get us home?" They nodded, going that way. "Thanks. If you need it, our snack closet is there." She pointed.

They got something and went to help. She saw an elegant older woman walking up the hall talking to two Peppers. "The kids went to help the geeks."

Her Pepper, who was younger, smiled at her. "Thanks. Where's Jane?"

"I'm not real sure. Jane was at home this afternoon. She's having a spa moment because they have that dinner tomorrow."

"So not in the tower," Pepper decided. "Great. The geeks?"

"Bruce's lab. He tinkered with Jane's math."

Both Peppers sighed but went to help by nagging.

Darcy locked down the labs, staring at the kids running up the hall. "No running in the labs," she said firmly, staring at them. "It's dangerous and you could get hurt then the adults would yell at you." The duo of girls, about kindergarten age, pouted at her. "Tough. There is no running in the lab, ladies. And right now, you really shouldn't be here. It could be dangerous."

"Can we shoot arrows at it?" the blonder of the two asked, eyes wide.

"No, not this time. We can get you to the range so you can shoot some arrows if you want." She grinned. They grinned back and nodded. She took them and the two younger girls, and the boy, she found down there. She smiled at the STRIKE guys standing in there. "We're in the wrong realm. At least half of these kids are Bartons by birth, and Mommy Natasha is probably their favorite. They wanted to shoot some arrows. Can they bum a target booth with supervision?"

The head of STRIKE stared at her. "What happened this time?"

"Bruce tinkered with Jane's math. We're in a realm where my little brother is a God, and he's married to Coulson, who is also a god. And these are mostly Barton kids." She grinned.

He stared at the kids then at her. "Why?"

"Well, when couples have fun sometimes babies come into being," she quipped. "If you need the mechanics of that subject, come see me when the kids aren't around please. They probably don't need to know yet."

"I know," the oldest boy complained. "Icky, dumb shit that takes a girl," he muttered. His sisters both hit him on the arm. "Ow! I'm telling Mommy! Mean asses!"

"Language," Darcy quipped. "I doubt you're allowed to say that. Can they have some arrow time?" The guys got them a bow from the wall they used to test rookies on and let the kids fire all they wanted. And one of them stole a gun to use too but they just stared.

Dawn strolled in, not hers but a Dawn. "Daughter," she sighed. "Quit stealing guns please." She hugged her. "But you did good on the target, Lexi."

One of the STRIKE guys cleared his throat. "Ma'am, I know you're Dawn Summers."

She smiled. "Actually, I'm Dawn Summers-Romanoff-Barton, but yes." She smiled. "This is my baby girl Lexi. This is Shamira, who is a lot like her mother sometimes. This is our eldest, Philip. This is Liz Stark," she said with a pat on her shoulder. "And the other two are Allenetta and Caroline. They're the kids of some of our favorite geeks so they're honorary kids." She grinned at Darcy. "Thank you! Let me go help magically. Guys, listen to Darcy." She pointed at her. "Don't give her shit. Don't cause shit. Don't beat people even if they're evil. Just...behave. We'll hit the pool when we get home later." She grinned at Darcy. "Thanks! The triplets are with the nanny thankfully." She strolled off, going to butt in to help.

Darcy looked at Philip, shrugging some. "Get some practice in. It'll kill time." They nodded, getting back into it.

"So, they're hers with Barton," one of the STRIKE guys said.

Shamira smiled and shook her head. "No, I'm Mommy Natasha's and daddy's."

He blinked at her. "I didn't think Natasha would want kids but you seem pretty neat too." She grinned and nodded. "Go ahead and hit the targets, kids."

Clint leaned in. "Bows, light handguns, dart guns, nothing bigger," he warned. "Or else I'm letting your mother take you all shopping." They groaned but nodded and got back to target practice. Clint grinned at the guys. "The girls once stole my bow and shot Natasha in the ankle by accident. She sobbed at the proud feeling she had." He winked at Darcy. "Geeks?"

"Bruce's lab," she said with a point. "And your wife."

"Cool." He went to help.

"We saw about them in that book," the head of STRIKE said, looking at Darcy, who shrugged. "How?"

"Bruce tinkered with Jane's math."

"Ahhh," the whole group said with a nod. The kids laughed at that but did have fun with the targets.

Darcy grinned at them. "Just think, there's Stark kids too."

The STRIKE guys stared at her then went to make sure nothing would come steal a kid of any breed. The head of STRIKE paused to look at Darcy. "When you have kids, can you warn us so we can have the time to set up security protocols in case your brother's *friends* want to adopt against your will?"

"Of course. If I don't take them out first myself." She grinned. "I would have mood swings."

He nodded. "That's what we're scared of, Lewis." He went to check on the current security. He nodded at Steve Rogers, then paused to turn to stare at him.

Rogers shook his head with a sigh. "Heading SHIELD ages you," he complained as he kept walking. "I know I look old. Tony kept me up last night."

"Hey," Tony complained. "I did not."

"Yes you did. You babbled all night about nanobots." He stared at his lover, who just rolled his eyes and got back to work. He got the two mini geniuses, making them go help the plotting to fix the problem panel. "Update things later, kids." They sighed but nodded. This realm's Tony, who was so damn young compared to his, nearly drooled on what the kids could do. Steve looked at him. "Have a few, make sure the world has geeks to look up later." His Tony and the other Steve Rogers both gave him dirty looks. "Someone's got to go behind us to fix all the things we messed up."

"Don't you usually yell at us when we do that?" Calia Stark asked, staring at her stepfather. "Really, Stepmom, I'm tired of the yelling so make up your damn mind about that."

"If someone acted her age, it'd be different," her father quipped with an evil smirk. "Act like you're twenty when you're sixteen, get yelled at, daughter."

"Dad, it's not like I've had as many hoochy mama's as you did at my age. Really, I saw the film and the documentaries on how much of a slut you were. I've barely had two dates and nothing's gone on inside my panties. By the time you were my age, you had more women than years." She shot him a look back.

"So give the girl some props before she redesigns your suit on you again and this time it makes you feel like you're fat." He snorted but hugged her. "And yell at Chris for groping please. Because gross, he might like girls and then I'd have to hear about him failing his way through sex like he made himself fail chemistry."

"Really?" Tony, Steve, and Pepper all asked, staring at the boy, who ducked behind the grandfather.

"No comment," Chris quipped. "I was distracting the girl who wanted to flirt with Liz."

"Does Liz realize they were into her?" Calia asked. "She seems to be oblivious to people staring at her ass."

"No, she was getting all blushy," Chris said.

"Tip, kid. Girls like those, they're gold diggers looking for any gold panties they can find," the other Tony Stark said dryly. "They're not any good at it usually and if they are it's because they've had a *lot* of experience." He looked at him. "How old was she? You don't look old enough to date yet."

"I'm not. And she was twenty-three."

"And probably had about that many boyfriends who pay her for things," Calia quipped.

"Nah, she was an assassin candidate and wanted Liz to introduce her to her idol, Auntie Dawn." He ducked behind his grandfather again.

"Bullshit," his father said. "And next time, say something, son. I want to beat asses like that little bitch."

"Fine!"

Calia looked at her father. "You always said he'd be your mini you in the ways I wasn't," she quipped, getting swatted by her mother. "He did!"

"I did, but I didn't mean that way." He looked at his son. "You and me are having a talk about bimbos later, son. Remind me."

"Yup, next time we're in the lab together, Dad," he sighed. "Not like she did more than kiss and grope me." His father scowled and Steve drew in a breath that showed he was about to spew like a dragon. "Oops!" He ran off. "Let me check the machines."

"Stay out of my machines," Jane yelled from somewhere.

"I'm going to check them, make sure they're okay."

"Already done, kid. Come help me build stuff here." He went to do that because she probably wouldn't nag.

"Your Dawn's an assassin?" the younger Pepper asked the older one. "Ours is a nice, friendly, cheerful artifact researcher who has a tiny little kraken for a pet." She showed pictures of Dawn's instagram when she got the weirded out look.

"Aww," Pepper said. "If ours wouldn't creep out the lab I'd suggest she get one. But it might chase the cats."

"Or the roomba dog," Calia agreed. She looked. "It's adorable."

"She named it Mortimer." She let them see more pictures.

"Calia can have one to shoo off guys so they think she's weird," Daddy Tony quipped.

"I think they run from cat fur," she shot back with an evil smirk. "Keep it up, Dad. I know there was a prophecy of a teenage pregnancy from me." He glared. She stared back. Then she smirked evilly. "Some bimbo reporter thought Auntie Dawn was actually my big sister and asked me about that. I can help repopulate a third great generation of Starks."

"Don't even joke, you'd die from the yelling," Pepper said, hugging her around the head. "There shall be no pregnancies without warning, dear. Or else I'll beat you to death myself." She smiled. "Okay?"

"Fine. Even if Dad would *adore* being Grandpa."

"Hell. No," he said firmly. "I don't want to be a grandfather when I'm alive."

"I told you, you die too soon and you'll be the company ghost," she shot back, staring at him. "And *who* was it that nearly blew up the whole of the west coast trying to fight a monster of the year? Make me turn into my aunt, become the family ghost." She grinned. "Then you can ghostly nag me about my future daughter."

"That's really evil, daughter. Are you PMS'ing or haven't you eaten and slept in the last two days?" he asked, staring at her.

She smirked. "Neither. It must be all the cute, fit guys around here, Dad." She smirked. "I'm feeling like I need something hot for my first panties friend." He shook his head. "And they're not our SHIELD so Stepmom can't even yell at them." She grinned. "Hell, I could tap *alllll* the hotties and you can only complain."

"And have you put on drugs," Steve quipped with a grin.

"Uh-huh. Start me down Dad's path."

"Never mind," Steve said, getting out of the way. This was a Tony issue to deal with.

Tony stared at her. "One, don't threaten to become the slut I was, daughter. You'd hate that. Sluts don't get cuddles, they get rolled over and handed cab fare."

"I'd be the one handing over cab fare, Dad."

"Uh-huh. Second, if you did that I could disown you."

"I'd still have the stock options by the wills for your progenitors. And I've got money, Dad. A lot of money. And hey, upside, no more Stark events!" She grinned. "And no nagging in my own lab."

He squinted then huffed. "That money won't last you forever."

"I can make other things to make me money. Hell, I could sign on with SHIELD's R&D if I had to." He glared. She stared back. "Double standard much? Again?"

He scowled. "There is not. Your brother can't be a slut either."

Chris had snuck back in to get a few tools. "You said someday I'd want to play the field but I should be a bit more picky than every other girl that approaches me."

"Yeah, and did he just get yelled at for groping at his age when I'm still getting warned off about letting anyone near my breasts, much less my vaginal area?" she agreed. "Double standards are wrong and sexist. You should be yelling at him not to be a slut and me about being picky but reasonable instead of the other way around."

"Shit."

"Yup," she quipped, nodding. "Sexism is still alive and well even though you've learned better before!" She grinned a bit. "And I'm still going to tap someone soon, Dad. I did inherit *that* from you too and it probably comes on the science gene."

"I'd disown Chris for being a slut too," he said.

She snorted. "Since when? You literally told him not to go out with every other woman he met and to be a bit more picky than that."

"Girls have it rougher."

"Yeah, because our fathers are sexist assholes," she shot back.

"They talk about women more."

"So? They talk about us about everything! From our clothes to our fat to stretch marks. I won't ever get away from them talking about me because I'm *your* spawn. Or just because I'm a woman. Hell, I'm getting nagged in the press for being *smart* of all things and not a bimbo. So yeah, suck it up, sexist progenitor."

"Neither one of you is allowed to be sluts. I will put you both into therapy."

"We'd just tell them how everyone expects us to be chips off the old block," Chris complained. "I got compared to Howard the other day and I had to fake vomit to get away from the stupid bitch."

"Language," Stark snapped.

"Yay! Can't be nicer about Honey McMadam."

"Ewww, her," Calia complained, shaking her head. "She told me I should've already had at least two sugar daddies by now but I was too smart for my own good and was ruining my life by being smart instead."

Stark stared at them. "Not the time or the place since we're around normals."

"He's gotta know what's coming," Chris quipped. "If you have kids, don't turn into a sexist person. I did a lot less work than my sister, even though she pushed herself because women have to be better at everything to get the same level of acceptance. But Dad let me slack forever." He looked at his sister then at his father. "She's right. We all know she's right. Even though I benefitted from it." He shrugged and got what he needed then headed back to help Jane Foster.

"Does Liz get this?" the younger Tony Stark asked.

"Nope. Queen Liz complains they're always nagging us geniuses and let her do what she wants. And she's not a virgin." Her parents all stiffened. "He was about her own age and I ran him off before Happy got there. Like with her periods, she went on google to look things up after talking with Auntie Dawn." She gave her mother a pointed look too. "She's going to be the world's first evil overlord single mom. She didn't look up enough about birth control. Totally forgot about condoms. I had her go talk to Auntie Dawn when I found that out so I didn't have to scream at her for it. Beyond yelling that she had screwed some guy in his backyard."

"Looks like tonight's going to be a talk to Liz night," Steve sighed. "Who was he?"

"One of the heirs of a stockholder. He's not bad I guess. Pretty uncentered, doesn't have a career plan, coasts on his daddy's money, will someday turn into a tv version of an heir with trust fund." She shrugged. "I'm pretty sure his dad didn't know either because he hates Liz. That might've been to get back at his dad."

"Fuck no that'll continue," Tony said too calmly, staring at her. "Yours since you're the oldest?"

"I have to be a bit more flexible to get into those positions that look fun," she quipped. "You know very well they see the limp and take at least half my hotness points away, Dad."

"Humans are eminently adaptable, those positions aren't that fun, and they end up cramping you up," the younger Tony Stark told her. "Trust me, been there and had the back cramp the next day."

She grinned. "I like you more than my own version."

"Thanks, kiddo. Aren't you like fifteen?"

"I'm like seventeen," she quipped with a grin. "Eighteen in just nine short days. And then I'll be a master's degree holder about a week after that."

"Do not even threaten to throw a party like I threw myself when I got mine," her father warned. "They didn't have as many diseases when I was your age."

"I don't have as many supposed friends as you had then," she shot back. "Instead the campus is throwing me a birthday party." She grinned. He moaned. "Hey, Cal Sci is a lot less party hard than MIT was or is, Dad."

"Yeah, still frats."

"Yup, and two have offered me membership if I'd become their cheerleader. And only one of them meant sexually. The other wanted a geek patron saint."

"No," he said firmly, staring at her. "Hell no in fact."

She grinned. "It's supposed to be low alcohol since there's going to be younger geeks there. You were invited, you blew it off for the conference in Denmark." She smirked.

"You're taking your aunt."

"Uncle Clint could use some growling time," she said dryly. "That's what she said when I told her I had a birthday party going on."

"Fuck!"

"Yup, and if this was Chris, you'd be patting him on the damn back, Dad."

"You're more fragile than he is."

"Bullshit! The only difference is I don't walk as well. Or don't you remember which one of us took your suit and did it better?" He stared at her. She stared back. "I'm not two."

"You hate the suit."

"I do. I totally hate it and all that it entitles people to scream at you about stupid shit. I'd never want the suit. I'll build better and have been building better. Let your clone there have it." He walked around to hug her but she got free. "Quit. You tried that when I was six and I realized then it was you trying to shut me up."

"I'm not. I'm upset that I made you this bitter, horrible girl," he said, hugging her again.

"Well, men are men," she said. "It's not your fault you were born a man."

He snorted, kissing her on the head. "Neither of you are entitled to be a slut. Or Liz or Maeve."

"I doubt Maeve would. She hates being hugged," Steve said. "Though I need to have a good talk with her tonight."

"She's not old enough for that yet," Pepper and Calia said together. Pepper stared at her. Calia stared back.

"Okay, enough therapy time," Pepper decided. "We'll have a family talk tonight because we've been missing things. And you do have a birthday dinner with us, Calia. You said you didn't want a party."

"Yeah, no one wants another Stark event."

"We were going to do a family party."

"That's usually called dinner," Calia shot back. "A party means dressing up and pretending to have manners with people I'd rather shoot."

"Point. We're having the dinner the night before because you made us huff about having something to do that night."

"Yup, the campus party." She grinned. Her father huffed again.

"Why the whole campus? I would've expected the other engineering students," the younger Pepper asked.

"Oh, I saved the campus twice during something last year," she said dryly. "We only had to repair a few sidewalks thanks to my use of shields and some magic."

That Tony nodded. "And the local SHIELD office totally blew her off when she called in an SOS call. Then tried to yell afterwards until she screamed back that they had ignored them all and thankfully she was a damn Summers woman and a Stark so she had managed it without them like her aunt. Who showed up after our battle and beat the crap out of the junior agents."

"We got to fire sixteen agents, five from a hospital bed," Steve quipped. "They wisely hid from Clint until Dawn got him calmed down." He looked at his daughter. "I'm mad you've been keeping this bottled up inside but this is not the time for this. Be a heroic geek today and then we'll do group talking therapy tomorrow." She rolled her eyes but got free of her father's grabby attempts to get back to work. She sat down because she was sore again but that happened a lot in her life.

The younger Pepper looked then at the older version. "Who?"

"Himond's son."

"Reginald?" The older Pepper nodded. "I'll get him first if we have kids."

"Not if I beat you there," her Tony said. He grinned at her. "They have four kids, Pep."

"Four?" she demanded, looking at her other self. "How?"

"Well, Calia wasn't me. Then there was Liz, who was ...mystical. Then I got baby envy of myself and had Chris. Then there was a halloween party with trashy costumes and some closet sex so we have Maeve." Steve blushed at that. "I went as Aphrodite. Dawn went as a fantasy costumed warrior woman. And got Natasha into a more tasteful and covering one of her own. Dawn's was basically some body paint and a body harness with a cape Xander gave her. And a phallic level sword." Younger Tony moaned but nodded. "She had an amazing shape after having Philip. The pregnancy made her have a fantastic ass." She sighed. "I got skinnier. Dawn got more curvy."

"Dawn can rock clothes like I can't," Calia sighed. "Even though I've got minor curves."

"A lot of that is the underwear you choose," younger Pepper assured her with a smile. "Some things enhance or cover up, some are meant to be worn by tiny little things without much of anything."

"You should try on your aunt's evil gown," older Pepper agreed. "The cream one with the reverse ombre colored threads."

"I've seen her in it," Calia admitted. "Maybe I'll see if she still has it. Though there was that one corset outfit," she said, considering it.

"Do not even," the AI complained. Then he showed a picture.

"Damn," the younger Tony Stark said, looking at the older one. "You created one hell of a daughter. Smart, pretty, and mouthy. What more could a genius dad want?"

"True." He grinned at his daughter. "I'd hope that wasn't your usual fashion choice?"

"The corset did lend some support to my back." She banished the picture with a smirk. "It helped that day with all the standing since I didn't want my walker."

"You were sixteen then." Younger Tony choked and spluttered. "The fact your aunt took you goth shopping was a bit distressing."

"I looked killer and it did help my back that day."

He just nodded. "Don't remind me to yell at Dawn over that."

She smirked. "My last bikini came from there too, Dad."

"You can wear it at your aunt's pool so the younger girls don't get any ideas."

"Lexi asked me when she'd get boobs like mine." She grinned. "I told her early thirteen probably. Her poor dad." She smirked. "Maybe you can help Uncle Clint, Dad."

"Don't be evil," he warned.

"Uncle Clint, Lexi wanted to know about boobs," she called.

"I've informed him and he said she's not allowed yet," JARVIS complained. "Though she is getting nearer to that." He sighed. "You all grow up so fast, Miss Calia. I do wish you'd quit that."

"Don't tempt Liz to use her allowance to help fund the guys using the nanites to deage people," she quipped. "She already thinks her mom would like that and sees how great of a profit that could bring from the actor types."

The AI moaned. "I'll talk to her later, Calia. Thank you for the warning." He hung up with a sigh. Then he came back. "I've alerted Liz and the others that their planned party tonight is probably off due to all this. We don't want the children out and about I'd assume?"

"What party?" Pepper and Steve both asked.

"She, Cassie Lang, and a few of their friends were going to go out tonight to teen clubs. Though they would probably try to get into higher end ones with Liz's help."

"Hell no!" Steve complained. "Let me go talk to our daughter, people." He went to have a talk about common sense and not being an idiot with their second oldest child.

Calia smirked. "I remember doing that and freaking myself out with the kids from my engineering program at Cal Sci. Though I couldn't dance with the walker as well." Her father growled. She smirked at him. "That actually made it into the social media and paps problems we all have. You didn't hear about that?"

"You, extra sparring with your aunts tonight," he ordered, staring at her. "And no going to help at the lamaze center with the meditation work some of them need."

"Sorry, they depend on me. You can't ground me from my job, Dad." She shrugged but smirked. "Tonight's meditation is on wanting your breasts to lactate easily to get you into the right mindset to breastfeed."

"Do you need to take that lesson yourself?"

"Hell no!" she snorted. "I'm not into vaginal sex. Though oral sex looks like fun and Uncle Andrew said that was Uncle Clint's advice to him about how to learn to like his wife."

Tony nearly started to sob. "We need to have a talk, daughter." She shook her head. "Yeah we do. Like...as soon as this is over with so don't even try to cutely disappear. Apparently I need to set myself up as the alpha of the family again."

"Dad, Mom's the alpha of the family because you take orders too." She got back to the math work, doing something off to the side. "Okay, so we're nine realms to the right and down from our original one." Bruce nodded, coming to help with that. She summoned a book, getting it to flip through for the formula she wanted.

"From time traveling Xander. He had a formula to prevent himself from switching realms by accident while traveling through space and time." She found it and tipped her head. Then she looked at the other one. She showed them both to Bruce, who moaned. "I think it's this one by the stuff around it if my translating spell works right."

He read around both of them and nodded, picking the one she wanted. "That does appear more relevant. Okay, so let's plug some numbers into here and see if it helps." They did that and the other geeks came in to help. When the kids came in it was with dinner for them. They were helping Dawn deliver. Bruce smiled at the kids. "Thank you, guys, and you, Darcy."

"Welcome, Doc. Let's let them eat, guys. It's nearly seven so you younger guys probably are about to need nighttime ritual stuff."

Calia looked and gulped her dinner then waved a hand. "I'm outties for meditation work I promised to help with." She disappeared via magic.

"Huh," Darcy said. "I didn't know many could do that."

"She's still infected by her aunt's Key," Tony complained. He looked at Liz, who suddenly looked scared. "We need to have some big girl talk time, Liz. Make sure I remember?"

"Why?"

"Because someone told us you had a boyfriend."

"Tommy? He's not a boyfriend yet, Dad."

He stared at her. "Not that one." She squeaked. He nodded. "You, me, talking."

"Fine!"

"Thanks." He grinned.

She huffed and rolled her eyes. "Calia said she wouldn't tell."

"Chris told by accident about yours when we were chewing on him for letting a girl grope."

"I'm older than he is."

"Yeah, yay! Calia's not allowed either!" He smirked. "And no partying with Cassie Lang and her girl gang. You don't need to go clubbing like that."

"Dad! We're allowed at the teen clubs."

"Uh-huh. Watch me have Scott come stalk all of you."

"We figured he was anyway." She walked off shaking her head. "My father's turned into a prison guard apparently because I have breasts I used," she told Darcy.

Darcy looked at her. "Aren't you a bit young for that? I worry about skanky old guys who really like them young and are violating laws. I had two of those that tried me. That's why I don't wear showy things, so I don't have to deal with that shit."

"Oh, no, he was about my age." She nodded with a grin. "Getting back at his dad and it was fun." She shrugged. "Everyone stressed about it."

"That's because you have no sense," Tony yelled.

She rolled her eyes. "I forgot an important point, yes, but it won't happen again."

Darcy nodded. "I remember doing that. And going to party after things at school with some friends, getting sloshed. I have a few nights I don't totally remember from high school. All parents hate that though. It means the kids aren't any smarter than they were."

"Probably true. So you ...wear the baggy stuff so guys don't look?"

"That way they judge me on what I say instead of just attempting to stare at my breasts and talk to them. A good body will often lower your perceived IQ by at least fifty points. I had professors do that too. One got totally surprised I could ace a test in my major, which I had written my thesis on, because I was having to wear tanktops in the summer session's heat.

"Looking less stacked means that people listen to the words that come out of my mouth more often. Not totally because, guys. I had one mansplain to me about my own paper and when I agreed and asked him where he was confused by it I smiled and said that had been my master's thesis and I taught a summer seminar on it. He stomped off being mad that he hadn't been taken seriously."

"I've met guys like that and totally blown them off. I'm not a scientific Stark so therefore I'm just pretty."

Darcy nodded. "Craft an image so they have to pay attention to that, Liz. Most everyone here thinks I'm just a nice, bouncy, flirty, slightly anxious intern with a brother who's a bit of a badass. No one expects anything else from me so they don't look. So I do what I gotta do and then they all stare in horrified awe." She smirked. "That's why I don't date in the tower too."

She nodded. "That figures. Yeah, I need to do that. Mom does it with the suit stuff but that would drive me nuts."

"So don't wear women's business suits. Craft a look you like, build your wardrobe around it, and let them have the persona. Your dad and mom probably both did that. I know our Tony has one of being *the* Tony Stark, rich playboy and media whore. It's not who he is for real, but that's what people want him to be. He plays to some of it and tries to break it now and then because he's not twenty-eight anymore. He gets a lot of headlines about how the playboy does charity work, and he must've matured in there somewhere."

"I've seen that. Yeah, I can do that. That does mean shopping. Mom and Auntie Dawn could probably help." She nodded as she walked off. "Did my sister go meditate on her boobs?"

"Meditation was mentioned."

"Great. Let me go facetime our girl gang to let them know what's going on."

Tony leaned out, her version. "How did you know that?"

"Duh, Stark! I do the same thing so I'm counted on my brains and not seen on my knees." He groaned. "I could come in pretty one day soon and have everyone stare but I'd never get anything done that day. I'd hate to taze all those people for it too."

"Please don't," he agreed. He went back to work. Pepper could talk to her but Pepper had her own version of that.

Darcy went to check on Jane and the Stark kid she had helping her. "It's seven, have either of you eaten?" she asked as she walked in.

"Oops," Chris muttered, head inside the machine. "Not yet. Can we have pizza?"

"Jane, pizza?"

She blinked at her. "Huh?"

"Pizza? Chris wanted pizza and it's seven at night."

"Sure. Thanks, Darcy. Kid, what type did you want? I tend to get supremes so she doesn't nag about vegetables."

"I'm good with that just no olives please. They're gross."

"Okay, I can do that." She called in that order and got money to go wait on the delivery downstairs. She nodded a guy walking in. "I'm sorry, do we know you, sir?" she asked when he tried to push past her.

"Young lady," he started.

"I'm a lab intern and there's no admittance to the lab floor right now, sir. I'm only out of there to pick up pizza for a few of them." He looked her over. She stared back. "Yeah, I'm a woman, gee, what a shock since just over half the population is." He stared at her. She grinned. "No admittance without permission, sir. So who the frilly heck are you?"

"I'm Harold Mysner."

"Oh, your Britnay's dad. She's not here today. She hasn't been in all day and I just walked past her lab to get to the elevator. It's shut down. I have no idea where she is," she admitted. She called her. "Hey, Brit. It's Darcy Lewis, from Jane's lab. Your dad's here?" She nodded, getting out of the way. "Sure." She hung up and tazed him.

"She said her dad's been dead for ten years," she told the man writhing on the ground. The guards came to get him. She smiled at them, turning off the spikes. "Have fun with him, guys. And remember, torture's wrong." She waved as they dragged him off. She picked up the money for the pizza, handing it over and another two bucks that had somehow disappeared.

They handed over the pizza and she carried it upstairs for the duo in the machines. She put it in front of Jane, who moaned and dug in. "Chris, food." He came out to get a few pieces but Darcy made him go wash his hands. "Lubricating gel isn't good to ingest. We had that talk with Jane too." He nodded, coming back once he had washed his hands and face. She went up to the other lab. "Hey, my version of Iron Dad, we just had an attempted break in by someone claiming he was Brit's dad."

That Tony looked at her. "Brit?"

"In lab two, Stark. Blonde girl, was a sarcastic, mean girls type cheerleader who slept with the chemistry teacher to get a lower grade so her mom didn't complain about her being smart?"

"Oh, her. So her dad?"

"Her dad died ten years ago."

"So security has him," he decided, running that film so he could see them. "No idea who that is."

"Well, thought you should hear that they had him. Jane's been fed, you guys are eating thanks to Pepper, so I'm going to go check on the baby bro." She walked off.

"Does your Xander handle big demon problems with an axe?" he asked the other Tony.

"He has a lot of weapons but I know he favors his favorite axe. Yours?"

"When he can talk a boyfriend into it but they go for apocalypse battles mostly. He keeps getting injured and pissing off his sister."

"Well, maybe they can figure out weapons things while he's talking to himself from our realm. Xander has a lot of weird things in his temple." The other Tony nodded.

***

Godly Xander appeared in the middle of dinner at the Council, staring at Rupert Giles. "You know, my version of you isn't quite this stupid." He strolled closer, letting out his aura. "Or that hidebound. Frankly, I have no idea why the me here was taking care of an Adavant by himself without weapons, but I'm a bit upset on his behalf." Giles choked, shaking his head.

"Yeah he did. His sister's pissed too." He smirked a tiny bit. "We think perhaps you should take a good, long look at the faults going on. Because we're not supposed to be slayers or the only one working in New York." He glared at Buffy, making her glare back. He let out more of his aura, making her shudder and back away from him.

"Speaking as the God Protectorate of Humanity, it's probably not a great idea to put all your shit on his back, Summers. Grow the fuck up finally. It'd be a nice change. I mean, my you did. And that was before she got married." He looked at Giles again. "Quit using him as unpaid help. It's wrong and mostly evil. You're reading as tainted and I talked to Janus earlier. He's not amused either. He's presently being held back by Loki in your world." He waved a hand and disappeared.

"Oh my Goddess," Willow murmured. "Xander's a god!" She looked at Giles, who nodded while sipping his water. "How did he become a god?"

"I have no idea, Willow."

Another person appeared, looking around. "Well, I see I have sixteen marked people here," he said blandly, staring at Giles. "Don't upset my mate, Mr. Giles. It's not that nice to calm him down and I didn't want to spar tonight. Even though I do read him as being under my aegis of heros, I didn't want to calm him down tonight." He gave one girl a pointed look. "You're too damn young to be marked as one of mine. Stop it." She shrank down. "You and the tiny little redhead," he said with a point. "Are both too damn young to be marked as one of mine."

"Who're you?" Buffy demanded.

He grinned. "Phil Coulson, God of Heros." She shrank back. "They're too damn young to draw my attention."

Another Xander, theirs, appeared. "Leave the redhead alone, Phil. She had to save her village and nearly lost her life doing it. That was a human based issue that caused that. She was barely eight and I had to get there by magic to help evacuate her and the others because I was a few countries away."

Phil nodded. "Good. She's still reading a new one."

He looked at her. "Friend you saved or otherwise?"

She shook her head. "One of the other girls was upset and had a knife," she said quietly. Faith glared at her and got up to take her out of the hall to find out who.

Phil nodded. "That's good, I like how Faith takes her vows seriously." He looked at Xander. "You shouldn't be out of bed yet."

"It'll give your mate something to complain about." He shrugged, looking at Giles. "He was born that way. He's the son of Loki."

Phil grabbed his arm, making him hiss. "Let's get you back to bed before I call up Gaia and a lot of the elder goddesses who're jonsing for someone to fuss over." He gave Giles a pointed look then took them both with him to the temple. Gaia walked past him to take the young Xander to tuck in and fuss over. The ladies from Valhalla that worked in the temple while they rebuilt helped a lot.

"I should go help my sister before she gets a bad idea and goes to date one of my ex's, who'd probably want to ruin her."

"I can watch over Darcy," Phil promised. "I have to go talk to some Stark kids anyway." He looked at his mate, who blew a kiss. "They should have it fixed in two days. Can you talk to Scott Lang?"

"Of course I can." He grinned. "I like the guy. He's neat." He grabbed a new lego set and went to find him. They were in the lab so he pulled Scott over to help him build this. "We should talk about the talk Stark had with his eldest and second kids earlier. Including that Liz has had sex with someone on purpose and their girl gang is getting a bit flirty."

Scott settled in to help him build stuff. "How flirty was my little girl?"

"You should look Liz up on social media. Or haven't you been tracking them to the clubs?"

"It's mostly been teen clubs and I texted suddenly whenever they were doing something stupid."

Xander patted him on the back with a grin. "They were in a college club last weekend. And they know you're tracking them somehow due to that."

"A college bar. Really?" He looked that up on his phone while he and Xander built stuff. "Well, someone's going to be grounded. I should tell her mother." He stared at him. "Liz slept with someone?"

"One of the shareholder's sons. He wanted to get back at his dad's viewpoints on Liz. She had a total brainfart and didn't remember condoms but she's been nagged about that a lot today." The two guys shared a smirk. "They're working on this realm merge at Stark Towers in New York. Calia promised to become a slut. Chris has let someone grope him. And Tony's a bit lost. Calia had to point out he had sexist viewpoints about Chris and sex and her and sex."

"He probably does. That seems to be common, you want to protect your daughter more than your son. I'd probably have to stop myself with that too." He put another piece together. "What else is going on?"

"Well, I had to hand myself from here to the senior goddess nagging society. He took on an Adavant by himself with his axe. That's supposed to be a team job with higher weapons. So he's really injured. We healed that and the leftover poisoning he had earlier. Thankfully his sister asked if we could help him and Xander cuddle him into being okay."

"His you has a sister?"

"Half and it's Darcy Lewis." He grinned. "She totally told Liz about how to have an outward persona earlier." He added his turret he was building, making Scott grin and add to that structure. "But Calia did tell her dad she could tap all the hotty SHIELD agents around them since she could get the ones from that other realm so Steve couldn't fire them for it."

"I'm pretty sure Cap could scare them away from her, even the one that is in that realm. They have one, right?"

"He's barely gotten Bucky back, they're about fifteen years younger." Scott moaned but nodded. "And they don't have kids yet. But I did have to go talk to the Council there because that me walked before he went on a killing spree. Phil said only sixteen of the girls at dinner tonight were marked as his."

"He's over heros," Scott said, pausing his building to consider that. "How many were at dinner?"

"At least thirty." They shared a look. "He yelled at two young ones for being marked as his but that Xander got sent to defend one who had to defend her village from human assholes. Then she admitted the more recent marking was because she was talking one of the other girls out of using a knife on herself."

"Huh." He nodded. "That's a good reason to have a hero's marking, yeah. Do we still have a Council?"

"Disbanded by England by force after they tried to get the Russian mob to pick up Dawn so they could sacrifice her." They shared a smirk. "Which is why Dawn fought back against them for years. And still is. I wonder if her husband knows that they showed up again." He added a few new bricks. Then he grinned at Scott. "By the way, Cassie? She's got a partial marking with two of the ones that Phil can read." Scott winced but nodded. "I'd suggest a dad talk."

"Oh, there's going to be a dad talk," he assured him with a nod. "A lot of dad talk. Her, me, the new stepdad. Yup, lots of dad talk. I'll leave her mom a note so she won't think I kidnaped them." He got back to building. "Thanks for bringing me something to ease the temper, Xander."

"You're welcome. I like you. You're like an older version of me if I had gone into college stuff instead of building stuff."

"You are kinda like a kid between me and Luis." He shook his head quickly. "Which brings up really bad thoughts about the pregnancy and all that."

"That lab in England has you both on their lists but I don't think together." Scott stared at him. Xander grinned and nodded. "Yup! Has one of Phil's girls on it too. They think Danielle will make a great superhero mom when she's older."

"She's more likely to kick their asses herself."

"Craig and Danielle aren't nearly as militant as the older set of twins. They'll go destroy things. They *are* Phil's kids." They shared a smirk. "But yeah, they have you on a list and I think they may have sperm."

"I'll talk to Barton about that tomorrow. Does he need to talk to his daughters about clubbing?"

"Philip hates clubbing in the teen clubs he's allowed at, thinks alcohol is nasty thanks to tasting some wine coolers, he hates the aftertaste, and thinks people getting high is stupid because his Mommy Natasha taught him how weak it made you. Lexi and Mira aren't old enough yet. Thankfully. And the minor trio will be hell when they're old enough. They're flirty like Mom." Scott winced.

"Dawn's going to have a stroke when they try to go clubbing the first time in some of her old clothes. The chaos gods are going to be powered for *ages* by those three. Even better than the chaos kid outbreak curse does. And with Loki being a godfather...." He grinned. "Ares will have to wear that extra energy out somehow. Maybe I'll get another sibling out of it."

Scott patted him on the back. "That's a weird kid to think about. Chaotic war god?"

"Ares did have Cupid."

"True. And Loki had you. So maybe one of those bards that used to get all the attention or a musician that's got a ton of fans for some odd reason?"

"I wonder if they'll send them back to do K-Pop," Hank Pym asked from behind his newspaper.

"Could be," Scott agreed. "Though I would've expected heavy metal." They got back to building together. Hope had called Dawn. Hank had sent Stark an email. So they'd handle things and his temper too. Scott finally picked up his phone to text Luis about going to kidnap his daughter and her stepdaddy so they could talk. Luis protested but he told him about how he had found out she was in adult clubs with Liz, it was on social media. He got back a 'we'll get them in the morning so they're not tired'. He sent back a thank you and put his phone down so he could get back into building with Xander.

***

Phil heard that conversation and checked on Danielle. Then he went to tell Maria about that. "Xander said that lab in England is back and wants you to be a grandmother to someone who wears spandex."

"I was going to enjoy tonight, Phil," Maria Hill said dryly. "Thank you very much for ruining it."

"They think Danielle will make a *great* hero mom."

She ate a bite of dinner and chewed, staring at him. Then at the girl in question. "Nope," she said when she swallowed. "I'd kill them for that."

"Do we know where the older two are?" he asked.

She dropped her fork to stare at the younger two, who shrugged. "I thought they had a class thing."

Tara did a spell to locate her errant offspring. "Why are they at an airport?"

"They heard first. I can't get to them there. They've gotten a good story and it'd break security at the airport and shut it down for a few hours."

"If they leave the country they're in deep shit," Maria said, calling that in. "It's Hill. My eldest two are at an airport in New York going to take out a lab in England. The same lab that wanted to make baby Avengers now wants to make hero babies with the next generation, including my daughter Danielle. Go stop them from leaving the country and bring them in so we can have a reality talk with my spawn please." She hung up. "Thanks for the warning, Phil."

Phil hugged Tara. "At least those two aren't trying to club like Liz is." Tara moaned, shaking her head. "Everyone's talked to Liz about that today." He disappeared.

"Eww, you can't be a mom. I don't want to see that grossness," Craig complained.

His sister glared at him. "For that I'm having multiple babies so you have to help me with them and change diapers like Calia used to for us." She stuffed her mouth with a huff.

"Feel lucky, the twins might feel it from each other," Tara told him. "And suck it up because that's her decision about her life, not yours to make. Though it shall not happen until after she's gotten through college. For either of you." They nodded, going back to their food. She looked at Maria. "Are you going to let agents hustle them out of there?"

"Hopefully they'll send someone good because our eldest two are better than half of SHIELD already. It's pathetic that so many agents are worse than teenagers." She called her desk, finding herself there. Maria had to fight her own workaholic tendencies to save her marriage, of course the local one shared that same bad trait. "I've requested that agents go stop my eldest two from leaving the country to take out the lab that wants to breed better heros to save their sister's virtue later on."

She listened. "They are better than that. Well, their dad is Phil," she said dryly. "Thank you for sending good agents. I forgot how weak some of our lower ones are until the wife reminded me." She hung up. Tara smiled and gave her hand a squeeze for delegating that task. Maria had really learned how to do that in the last few years.

***

The other Maria Hill blinked. "I had kids with Phil?" she muttered. She looked that up. "Oh, her wife had kids with Phil... and I fathered one of the second set...huh." She nodded, putting that file back. She called up current locations and found agents trying to get to the kids and being unable to do that subtly without shutting down the airport. They weren't leaving for another two hours so she had time. She considered it. Then she decided on something.

Those ones had brought Daisy but apparently she wasn't their father's protege in that world. She called up STRIKE. "Go rescue Coulson's kids from JFK please. No, he had them with my wife from that realm. They're going to take out a lab that wants their younger sister to breed better heros from so they're heading to England to stomp on them. Their mom wants to have a talk with them. Thank you. Yes, JFK. They leave in two hours. The current team tried and got avoided. Thank you."

She hung up and sent a message to that team in the airport to watch them for now, that STRIKE was coming to escort them to that talk about sense, common and otherwise. It was sad that so many agents couldn't pick up two kids, even Coulson's kids, with a team of six agents. And one mutant or whatever. She felt sorry for that other SHIELD and how far they had fallen. Maybe they should turn Nick Fury back from a ferret to let him train those groups himself while being watched for other bad thoughts since he had started that lab's plots.

***

Strike Alpha walked into the airport, nodding at the security guard heading their way. "Runaway kids of agents who're going to stop a problem their parents haven't yet," the leader sighed. "And they might manage it but it'd cause an international incident and that's my job, not the job of two teenagers. Are they under watch or corralled somewhere?"

"Under watch, Agent..."

"Commander Rumlow." He smirked. "Head of STRIKE Alpha. Usually we do hostage extractions." The guard smirked but led them use the back corridors to get to that gate area. It'd cause less panic and less notice on social media. He walked over to stare at them. "Your mother called in ...." That kid pointed. "Really?" He took their pictures and their mom sent back that was them. He held up the phone with a smirk. They groaned. "Let's go talk, kids. You can't take my job."

"We're protecting our sister and they've been trying this since we were born," the female of the two said.

"Yay! That's my job. Your SHIELD apparently is too weak to stop it on their own. C'mon. Let's go. Before I have to bring the rest of the team to escort you off like you're diplomats." They groaned but did go with him. The rest of the team fell in around them. Once they were in the SUV, he looked at them. "Disarm. I can tell a knife on each of you and a holster. How did you get it past security?"

"Magic," they said together then grinned. They did disarm. The girl was carrying her mom's favorite backup gun, and a few clips. The boy had a few of his own and a few knives. The rest was in their bags. The others packed the weapons into the bags so they could be handed back.

They could have a talk about that lab, what the problem they were stopping was, and how they had planned that. Yup, that was a STRIKE job, not a teenage kid job. He handed them back to Maria Hill and their other mother, who was pretty but delicate looking. He looked at her. "You left that lab alone?"

"They wouldn't let us blow it up. We've stopped them a few times but they keep rebuilding. England likes it because it gives them hope of getting their own Avengers team." He just nodded. "You two are going to the temple tomorrow in punishment. You're getting a full weekend of agent training." They groaned but nodded. "Including that obstacle course too, yes." They sighed but nodded, looking down. "Weapons?"

"In the bag. Once we got into the SUV so we didn't break the security guys' balls for missing the magically hidden stuff."

Tara looked at the children. "Were we breaking a few rules, kids?" They shrank away from her. "I'd run for our car and be in there by the time I get there." They ran off together. She smiled at him. "Thank you, Commander. Let me go yell at my children."

"They're good. We need to have our Coulson have a few."

Maria smiled. "You can suggest it. I hear yours may be dating Melinda May." She smirked. "And you can go with the kids to the agent training if you want. Our Xander runs it at his temple."

"I wouldn't mind. As long as we don't get stuck if they manage to unglue us tomorrow. What happened to STRIKE in your world?"

"We found out about HYDRA thanks to Dawn and took them out quietly. We kept Sitwell, you're running the hidden parts of SHIELD, and Rollins retired after an injury to his hip two years ago that made his boyfriend sob on his chest in the hospital until Jack nearly had a fit and they had a fight, then Rollins decided to retire."

"Awww. Jack would appreciate that probably." He smirked. "Yeah, let's try your newbie course, Hill."

"We'll get you at oh-nine-hundred." She walked off pleased with that. She'd hand him files on what they had done and what he was doing now. They had a new team for STRIKE but their Rumlow was disgruntled at how weak they were.

***

Brock looked around the combat area and nodded. "Nice. Sparring practice?" he asked the man there. He had a gold marking on his forehead.

"Indeed." He smirked. "Then the obstacle course." He stared at the children, who huffed but went to drop their bags so they could come back and get ready to be kicked around during sparring practice. Phil came down to talk to his children about how they were too young and he hated that idea. That was his job, not theirs. The STRIKE teams got to watch that parental ass chewing and be amused at it.

Xander strolled down with John behind him drinking some coffee. "Morning, people." He stared at the kids. "I didn't know you were Harris' instead of Coulsons." They pouted. "Yeah, suck it up. You turned into my kids instead of his. Do you want to keep hearing about this for the next fifty damn years?" They shook their heads.

"Then remind yourself your father's one of the best and sneakiest agents ever and trained the others. Use some damn stealth, kids. Beyond calling in help from some Brit agents he knows." They sighed but nodded. "John, please work on their hand-to-hand since they're so young and stupid and overconfident. We'd hate to see them in the hospital so they'd better be good enough to not get injured and to be able to avoid us afterward. That takes stamina."

He smirked. They went to the ring off to the left with John. He grinned at the others. "Welcome to my temple. This is Master Teal'c. He's a former Jaffa warrior, he's been doing this longer than most of you combined, and he's so badass I know war gods who can't beat him. Have fun!" He walked off with Phil to nag his stepkids. They hadn't even asked for his help and he was upset about that. He grinned at Phil. "Do they still have the me from there tied down?"

"Yes they do. The ladies are enjoying fussing over him and told him if he didn't get better they'd let the Valkyries do it too. Alana was looking forward to having something to nag, she said she's rusty at it."

"The girls have shaped up a lot under her."

Master Teal'c smiled at the waiting ones. "Come, let us see how you measure up."

Brock pointed. "You two are our worst. We'll work our way up so he's amazed that I let you live with being that weak." They glared but they were new and came to spar. It lasted about five minutes. Brock was amused. Yeah, this was a good trainer. Teal'c was barely sweating by the time he got his turn and he lasted a good half-hour. They were both sweaty and bruised. "We need you to come fix our weaknesses."

"If I'm in your realm I may be honored at that appointment. I have no idea where he is though." He bowed. Brock bowed back. "Get water and we'll work on the weaknesses you all show." They did that and came back to get their asses kicked. The two that came to help him with it, they were just as good and about as scary. They all got lunch and then the obstacle course.

Brock pulled out his phone. "I'm taping the first two over it so we can get this. We need something this tough to train ours." They all glared at him but he smirked. "STRIKE needs it, people. They'll let us set up a yard." They groaned but the first two over he did tape. And then the third one too because the first two didn't make it.

The third managed and it was good. He was happy with this set up. It was like a playground for badass commandos. When his turn came, he managed to make it most of the way without tripping but he self corrected easily enough and made it across to ring the bell.

Xander looked over with a smirk. "Time allowed is forty-five minutes, guys. No one passes it without regulation time or under." He waved. "Go again until you get it. I'll give you until I have to put you back." They nodded, going back over it. They took a few different routes, learning from the earlier mistakes. Only four of them made it in regulation time, and one of those tripped a teammate on purpose to make it. That one got to go an extra time by himself.

Then the teams got to go together to help each other. The top three teams made it under regulation time. The other two...well, they almost made it at time. They could work on that. They got more water and went back to work. They had to be better than the two teenagers who made it over just in time. STRIKE had to be the best. Xander handed Rumlow plans for the obstacle course, getting a grin back. They could use that.

He didn't understand how SHIELD had gotten so weak with skills set this high.

***

Rumlow looked up that night as his other self showed up and shook his head with a smirk. "How on earth did you fall down that hard?"

Rumlow stared at him. "We had to split SHIELD and we got a lot of weak trainees." They walked off to talk in private about things. There was a lot they could share to make both SHIELDs stronger. Though the one Brock had to wince at the newbie agents who pouted about things. He'd hate to see recruits that weak.

***

Darcy walked into the lab when they had put the other group back, hauling Chris with her to hand back in return for her Xander, who got handed back in handcuffs by their Phil. "He was still helping Jane."

"It's terrifically scary science so of course he did." He hugged his nephew. "C'mon. Your dad's cooking out." He nodded at Darcy. "He's better and his axe will be back soon as it's fixed. Thank you, Miss Lewis."

"Welcome, Coulson, and you have some really neat kids."

He smirked. "Not all my doing. Tara has majority custody." He closed the portal and walked the boy off to talk to him about not hiding from his parents. He might've gotten stuck and then his father would've had to redo the merge to come get him.

Darcy looked at her brother, putting him on the couch. "There, you rest and hide from the scary goddesses who wanted to mother you." She kissed him on the head. "Want lunch?"

"They fed me a lot."

"Awww. Healing does take cookies." He nodded, settling in to watch tv with her. They could relax and hope that there wasn't a third one.

The End. I think.
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