Forger Plays The Universe's Traumas.
(On His Nose Horn and Butt Flute)
Sam and Falcon stared off against the Thunderbolts. Sam and Bucky were sharing a look that wasn't really antagonistic. Finally, Sam broke it, he had to be the one who broke it. Bucky would never admit he might want help this time. "Forger?" Sam asked dryly.
"Forger," he sighed. They looked at the floating silver person then at each other again. "FORGER!" he bellowed.
"What?" a cranky male voice complained. "Dude, it's been months and you're better now. Did HYDRA come back again?" He walked over to them, jeans, sloppy loose t-shirt, no jacket, sunglasses. "Hey, Shiny."
"Forger," Sam said with a nod. He pointed. "That thing?"
He looked up. "Well, different Silver Surfer. Which means the huffy planet nibbler is coming. Yay," he said dryly, pulling out a beer from nowhere to sip on. "Hey, Pretty One, we need ta talk to you for a second," he called with a grin and a wave of the beer bottle. "Come down to talk to us please? I promise I won't stick you in a box. Again," he finished more quietly. "Did you ever open that keychain I gave you?" he asked Bucky, looking at him.
He patted himself down, shaking his head. "It's gotta be at home. Is it important?"
"Could be." He watched how she was moving and pulled something to reload quickly then fired it at her, making her laugh until the flying surfboard dissolved under her then she fell. He walked over to her, staring at her. "Hey, Honey. Do you know who I am?" She shook her head quickly. "Do you know about the Ones Who Make Bets? The PTB?"
"No, The Watcher may," she said, standing up. "How dare you!"
"It was that or kiss you to make you stop it. If you want I can try that method instead."
"I would rather you not."
"Okay, sure. I'm all about consent, but right now you're interfering in a world that's got a huge big problem with the PTB being idiots by making bets about how I'll do since they sent me from my natal realm. And since there," he offered with a grin. "I trapped you in a box with Vasdara...." He shrugged a bit. "Do I need to find a box and ask Vasdara if he'd like to meet this you?"
She blinked. "We know nothing of that."
"Then go ask someone. Because yeah, I'm not sure if the PTB are going to be with that part of the plan and if this is part of their betting game, then I'm about to throw their board. Again." He grinned at her. "So....which way do you want to handle this today? I can make it so you're safely stored and can't be retaliated against. Or I can be a real asshole. Who has powers that no one here has. Which do you want me to do today?"
She blinked. "We know of magic."
"Yeah, I don't have magic. I have hellmouth taint, dear." He grinned as he called on the nearest one. It wasn't that far from New York City. It came at his call, surrounding him. "So, Dear. What do you want to do today? Would you like some safety for a bit or would you like to ignore we exist?"
"You cannot do that!" Stephen Strange ordered.
Xander looked at him. "Shut the fuck up!" he bitched back. "Whiny asshole who caused the damn problems in the first place! You're worse than Rosenburg trying to end humanity!" Bucky shuddered at that idea. He looked at her again. "So... do I call the others here and the one in space? Because there's one near here too and they're all like fond little aunties to me. They'd hate for me to disappear. I'm their amusement." He grinned again.
"I do find you amusing." He grinned. She huffed. "I cannot tell him no."
"Then go be safe for a while. That's an offer I can give you. We can temporarily trap you so he can't find you and won't know what happened so won't come."
"He'll come faster."
"He won't come. He really won't come. Because the hellmouth in space will eat his ass." He looked up then at her. "It said it'd be a great snack."
She blinked. "I do not understand that."
"Hmm." He held out a hand. "Take it?" She did and he showed her. She shrieked, shaking and shaking her head. "Yeah, that thing. They love me. Do you want to be safe and hidden while we stop him or would you rather go tell him this warning? I believe in fair warnings for honorable enemies before a true battle that's not the full war. I will give you that option. Until then...." He shrugged. "What do you want to do?"
"I..." She blinked. "The Watcher would know of you."
"Probably swears about me, yeah, but it'd be great if some higher power did actually pay some attention to me. Since I got sent here by the PTB to screw up the ones I was helping and for this world he's apparently the only one paying attention since the PTB sure aren't. Again. But we'll go back some day. When they finally realize they need me there to save all their warriors they treat like pawns.
"I'll be in my forties," he said dryly. "But they know they'll have to. Because if I die here there's a really good chance the hellmouths will create more of me." He looked at one older guy near his mentor. "According to Aunt Hellmouth in Seville, they'd be yours." He looked at her again. "So...what do you want to do right this moment?"
"I wish to escape and not have found you."
"I like that idea. So we'll keep you safe." He patted himself down then held up a finger and summoned something to dig through. "No, that's 'Drew's....oh, there we are." He pulled it out and flicked the lighter, making her flinch and then disappear. He tossed it at Sam.
"Six months after the emergency you can let her go. He'll be long past us or dead by then." He patted the energy. "Thanks, Auntie." It disappeared with a giggling sound. "She's out of phase. Undoing it will take two clicks," he told Sam, who nodded slowly. "With intent. Let me know when he's closer and I'll make sure Auntie Space Hellmouth can eat him."
"Sure," he agreed with a nod. "We knew you'd have a great, weird idea."
"Usually, yeah." He grinned, finishing his beer. He looked at Bucky. "You needed more help?"
"Are you high?" he demanded dryly.
"No?" He looked at himself then at him. "It's my damn day off! Lose the stress the arm brought with it, Pops!" He gave him a pointed look. Then he strolled off. "Call me like normal, I do accept text messages instead of summoning."
It was silent for a minute. "What the absolute fuck was that?" John Walker demanded loudly.
Yelena nodded. "Ditto?" She stared at Bucky, who sighed.
"I would also like to know," Stephen Strange admitted. "That was never explained to me about how that ...weird influence that may be corruptive got here."
"Forger."
Strange frowned. "Is he finally a magic user? Or does he still do things in the most weird ways?"
"No clue. Really no clue. He's a bit weird, a bit rough, and he's really a great guy to know as a friend. We're kinda not speaking half the time because I tried something and it went sideways and he doesn't trust me anymore but he and Alex helped me get back to healthy." He looked at John.
"Remember when we had that month with the slayers? Those female warriors?" He nodded slowly at that. "He came from that world. He's a demon hunter. He makes all sorts of weird contacts and has all sorts of weird knowledge, including of the comic books we are to him mostly, and if it's that desperate and weird, I'd call him."
"Okay," John said with a slow nod. "Why is he here then?"
"He couldn't go back with them. When the ones who let him be summoned by HYDRA did that, it blocked him over here until they let him back. He was backing up all those female warriors."
"Oh. Okay." He nodded then let out a breath. "So that silver person...,."
"Out of phase means that she's either ahead or behind our temporal moment. So she's something like ten seconds or so out of our reality, ahead or behind. It could be any amount though," Stephen Strange admitted. He blinked. "What is in that keychain?"
"I don't know," he admitted. "That's why I haven't opened it." That got a nod of understanding. "For all I know he trapped a god thing he was fighting or something." He shrugged. "No idea!"
Sam Wilson nodded. "Yeah, that's a good idea with Forger. Alex was calmer."
"Alex stole Forger's gifts and knowledge for a battle he couldn't get to so he could help. When HYDRA summoned a mystical warrior they got Forger, and regretted it when Forger called all the dead to help him, and then Alex, who showed up with the demons he was fighting. I can't say they weren't good at it. They were. They helped me heal." Sam nodded to back that up.
"But no, they're not normal. At all. Probably never were." He shook his head with a sigh. "And he does like weapons and artillery. He's not a barehanded fighter but he is a weapons guy who makes a lot of odd contacts and has a lot of weird friends and poker debts, plus fights demons. And the occasional germ doc."
Yelena looked at him oddly. "That's that guy?" she demanded with a point. He nodded. "Oh, God, no." She sighed. "She told me about him and finding the videos."
Bucky nodded. "When they were here, the slayers still thought he was normal." He looked at Alexei. "If your future kid turns into him, I'll gladly help mentor them into their future warrior self. Xander said a few times he turned into a barbarian warrior."
Alexei nodded. "I am not having more children. I have Yelena, that's enough."
"Thank you," she said, looking at him then at Bucky. Who shrugged. "So we met a myth," she decided with a nod. She paused. Then looked at Bob, who shook his head. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine. I wasn't going to interrupt him helping."
"Okay." She looked at Bucky, who shrugged at that. "What would he and Bob do?"
"Bob would probably have to get around his hyena. Not sure how it happened, don't ask," he told Bob. Who was looking confused. "Something, somehow, possessed him once."
"Oh. Okay." No idea."
Bucky looked at her. "I have seen one telepath go after him and she ended up screaming and crying because the hyena got her. He knocked her out to make her stop it. He had been having a beer at a bar. She snuck up on him and tried to attack."
"That's good to know. I...can we train with him?"
"Ask him?"
"I can do that. Is he mad at you?"
"Possibly. Yeah. Sorry."
"No, it happens," she said with a shrug. "We'll see what we can do." Bucky nodded at that. "Is this done with?"
"Hopefully. But we'll pay attention to see if her boss shows up and then alert him in case he can have that hellmouth eat him."
"What's a hellmouth?" Strange asked.
Bucky grimaced. "Some sort of weak spot in the walls of this world holding out other dimensions."
He frowned. "I have no idea about that."
"Me either. I just nodded along...." He nodded a bit. "The only ones who really get Forger are Deadpool and Hawkeye. He's compared to Hawkeye a lot. Apparently he read his comic book in his own world." Yelena moaned at that.
"But he's a nice guy. He really is, Yelena. He's a guy who was training females with a destiny who couldn't get out of it and made sure they had the right to make decisions about having a life or not. He made sure they stayed out of battles if they were kids.
"His whole group did that to the old line of the guys over those warriors. He made sure his girls got an education. He trained them to survive if he had to but they were kids first and foremost. And if someone tried to end that he stomped on them."
"That's not that bad of an idea. It doesn't worry me...much."
"Their calling, it comes from those same higher powers he mentioned. They can't exempt anyone. Some have birth defects and are still called." She winced. "They moved to make it safer for them, healthier for them, and happier for them. While supporting them in battles when he could." She nodded that was good. "The guy's the same one that took out half a HYDRA base last month."
"I heard about that. Was impressed," she admitted. "I would not scare him?"
"No, probably not. Natasha didn't. Creeped out slightly but not scared of him. I'm not sure what still scares him actually. I really am not."
She nodded with a sigh. "The boy's one battle away from snapping and taking over the world to make it better," Sam told her. "That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it."
"He is not!" Bucky complained. "He's really not. Burned out, yeah. Dangerous, yeah, when he wants to be. But he's also a goofy comic book geek. He only draws really somewhat bad people to date him. Nothing truly evil but bad enough that dirty agents get drawn to him and above. He dated Hallers." She raised an eyebrow, grimacing. "Yeah, the guy took him to dinner, Xander screwed him for weapons discounts from what I heard." That got a nod then a shudder. "Well, no one pays him so....."
"I might if I had to, but Hallers is gross." She paused. "Is that the one Melina said was amusing and danced with her?" she demanded, looking at Alexei, who shrugged.
"No, that was Alex," Bucky told her. "I know when that happened, I was with the boys. That was Alex and that same night he got Fang the cat."
"Ah." She nodded. "All right."
"Forger's a lot of ...he's...it depends on what he's doing a lot of the time. Someone said if Hawkeye and Deadpool had a kid it'd be him."
She tipped her head. "I've only heard of Deadpool. But sure." She nodded. "Would he be willing to help us now and then?"
"Maybe. Not sure. I'm kinda worried Val would want to date him and I'm not sure which one I'd feel sorry for."
She considered it. "I mean, if it straightened Val out," she offered. "Made her less greedy?" They grimaced at each other.
"If he can fuck the evil outta her, go for it," John said dryly. "I'm with that for voting." He looked at Bucky. "Can we get a briefing on that?"
"I have the videos they found about his world," Sam offered. "We had it as a tv show for a bit. It got canceled for being girl powered. Then some other dimensional demons had more seasons for us to stare at. And swear at. And really want to give the boy a hug. Damn, those girls of his made us all want to give the guy a hug. Then he'd piss you off so you didn't want to do more than spank him and when that thought hit you usually realized you might be slipping towards evil."
John blinked. "Seriously, Wilson?"
"Seriously! Even Stark and Rogers."
Bucky nodded. "Yeah, Steve did. He made that same complaint one night over dinner, which made Clint drop his fork to stare at him oddly, and then Steve realized he might be going toward evil so he took a sabbatical to go stare at art in Europe for six weeks." He sighed again. "Guard that lighter."
"Oh, I am. No one's getting it from me. Did we ever see if that program is here?"
"Someone tried, they ended it at the suggestion of 'boom' and Forger looked really proud of himself. I didn't ask."
"Yeah, I like that. Hold on, did he date Disqualo?"
Bucky winced. "On and off for maybe five years now when they're in the same area? Casually screwing when she wants to?"
The new Falcon winced. "That woman's a bit cranked."
Bucky nodded. "Many of Xander's dates are. It's like an urban myth in some ways." He looked at Bob. "Do not try to shame room him. I have the really bad feeling that it might hurt you. A lot."
"Okay. I won't unless someone asks me to. He doesn't seem to be evil."
"Get him tipsy and happy, Bob. Then he'll strip and draw all the serial killers in an area to come tease him and offer him tips. And please don't ask about that."
John blinked a few times. "Oh, that's that guy. I did hear a rumor about that incident."
Bucky looked at him. "No. Comment."
"What else is he?"
"A trained shaman."
John blinked. "Like Native American?"
"African. He's easily possessed. He and Alex both got hit by my original self and Ka when I was healing."
John blinked a few times. "Wow."
Bucky nodded. "Often. Then they went for easy stress relief by paying for it and ended up paying extra for the really bad stamina issues they have. Because no one else takes *four hours* before he gets off and uses it to tease them."
Sam shook his head. "Dude, I remember hearing him with one of those. She was begging for mercy when he finally got on with it. Whoever trained him to do that, they were wrong to train him to be a man slave to her urges."
"He's like the ultimate prey that if you catch you can brag on," Bucky told him. "All the bigger bad ones think so. If they can even get a date that proves that they're really great at their jobs. Xander can't flirt worth a damn though. Absolutely sucks at it. Gets no play when he does. So he'll let himself be chased and then make them beg him instead."
Yelena nodded. "I was trained to do that too."
"His isn't training, it's just fact. He doesn't do it on purpose. And he's probably run into a few Widows."
"I'll ask around." Alexei was texting someone. "Is that Mom?" He hummed, letting her see what he got back. Cold, clinical, slightly disturbed Widow Melina, one who had survived decades as a Widow, sent back a picture of a cat lapping at milk. He put his phone up with that answer. Yelena looked a bit upset.
"I know he does not have a give up switch, Yelena," Bucky told her. "At all. If he's fighting and he's about to lose he'll do something stupid, he'll get back up, he'll make it so he wins somehow or another. Because he had the fate of the world a few times. And all fights are like that for him."
"Because everyone told him he was normal," Sam quipped. "That's classic, really it is."
John nodded. "I know guys like that. White knight sorts, jumped in to help someone." Bucky nodded quickly. "Yeah, I know guys like that," he sighed. "I miss a few of them too."
"We haven't gotten to miss Xander yet," Bucky said. "And he's had the fate of the world, literally, in his hands a few times."
"We will watch those tapes," Yelena decided. "Because I want to see for myself." They nodded, going back to the tower to watch that. It would be good warning about that one if they had to work with him and someone like John would appreciate seeing how he was made into what he was now in case he was a future enemy. She would as well, though she'd just take the easy way around him probably.
Bucky pushed Valentina into a closet and locked the door. "Saving you before you get attached. Someone get food. There's like seven, eight seasons so we'll be doing this until tomorrow night. Plus the one about his time in Africa." They groaned but got dinner ordered while Sam got the videos sent to him from the Stark archives. Yelena put in the first one when it got there.
"No, you start with the show," Bucky said quietly. "Which starts in high school." That got a nod so she switched them around. Then they sat there to eat, watch it, Yelena frowning at Buffy. Often. Bucky looked at her. "Yeah, she's like that. She came with that running away from the angry redhead thing." He leaned back again.
John paused it to look at Bucky. "Does she get less annoying?"
"No. Not for years." He groaned. "But...it's a foundation. Like an origin story in comic books." He turned it back on to go back to it. By the end of the first season they were feeling for the kids. A lot. They all had problems, including Xander having issues. Sometimes of his own making.
They kept going and Yelena was impressed Xander didn't use the love spell. John was pissed he had done that but he knew girls like Cordelia. And he had redeemed himself with not using it. They kept going, and going...and ran into the military project after that graduation battle gave them heartburn.
John stared at that. "That's classified." Bucky winced. "Oh, damn. I know that group."
"They're probably dead now," Bucky assured him.
"Yeah, they are. We hated that we heard what they did so we handled the disgraces to our people." He looked at him. "We had a whole *talk* with them. A few of us participated in that talk."
"Good!" He let it go on once they all had snacks and had went to the bathroom and stuff. They got to see that program go down. Buffy die. Then come back. The redhead try to destroy the earth. Then the end of that whole thing when it was rebuilt. Yelena had her guinea pig to play with while she watched. She blinked at the slayers and how they were trained. It looked too familiar but it was apparently better now.
They moved onto the other show. That one, that creeped Alexei out within a few episodes. One of the problems made him nearly climb the couch. John fast forwarded by thirty seconds for him to ease that off. Yelena was clutching her guinea pig. John was wanting his shield. Sam was cuddling his shield and Bucky was just nodding at what was going on.
That one kept going until they got to see him summoned to their realm and what happened then. And then....well, John heaved. Alexei prayed quietly. Yelena was not watching, she was making sure she hadn't crushed her poor friend. Ava was just looking creeped out. Bob was blinking hard because that was bad. It might be worse than he was.
Bob looked at the group. "Can I just ask that you not ask me to see if I can do that shame room stuff to him please?"
"Yeah, I don't wanna know," John agreed. "You go right ahead and not do that with him. You'd probably overpower him physically. I would."
"Which means he switches tactics and usually you find a hellmouth thing going on," Bucky said. "Ours don't have kraken that I know of."
"Oh, thank you!" Yelena said loudly, looking up. "Thanks!" She waved a bit then looked at him. She frowned at him. "They helped you heal?"
He nodded. "They did. They got me back a few times after a recapture. They saved me and I saved them. They were trainees but yes, we helped each other. I helped when Forger got sick. He's still got that magical liver damage. He takes something that makes him puke sparkly stuff now and then."
John nodded slowly. "A lot of that was stuff I would've done. But I had sanity and I would've used it during that."
"Well, sometimes sanity is overrated," Sam admitted. "Because it worked."
John nodded. "Yes it did. Damn thankful it did but yeah. The boy could use a good friend, mentor, and maybe we can rehabilitate a husband or wife for him too."
"Please do on the last part. I did train him some, and did mentor him some," Bucky noted.
Yelena shook her head. "I know a few Widows who'd adore dating him."
"If they did, we'd check to make sure of their mental health," Alexei said. "Then make sure he made them happy."
Bucky put in the last disc, which had just appeared. It showed some of the time that Alex and Forger were helping him heal.
Yelena paused it, staring at it. "That is movie shit."
"I noted that and told him to stop it," Bucky told her. Then he sighed and got up to get a beer, coming back with it. "Often. At least we managed to gather all his science notes so no one but Banner got them." They let it run, which did include that finding and gathering.
Bucky shook his head with a sigh, drinking a big swallow of beer. Which he choked on in the next minute. He had sex baited HYDRA operatives and made them like him? Why? It wasn't needed! Though, it seems to have worked. They helped Xander escape Paris.
They got to see another version of that and the scene of Natasha finding the videos. Yelena almost sniffled at that. Then they saw Xander dick taunting Thor. Bucky shook his head, looking away as he peeled off the empty bottle's label. He knew how that had turned out - Valkyrie had interrupted to save Thor and it had turned into a loud threesome.
"He plays subby very well until he gets to switch and make them beg him," Sam said quietly. "The guy would've been a serial killer himself probably."
"Could be," Bucky agreed. He looked up and sighed. "Oh, that one." He grimaced. "Super weapons friends as he called them."
Yelena nodded at that. She could probably fix Xander. It'd take time though. She could definitely rehabilitate him into being more normal and like Walker was.
In his seat, John was thinking the same thing. He could rehabilitate him and make him normal, but still exceptional. They got to watch Xander pick up the hammer and use it then drop it when Thor was trying to wake up. No one had apparently seen that. Stark had tried to nag him about using lesser weapons but Xander had walked off quipping about not needing a hammer, he had a battle axe. "Do we have a huge problem with demons here?" John asked.
"Not really. Xander plays poker with them. He'll be fine with anyone peaceful. Or anything peaceful. If they're going to attack they're gone."
"How did he get an Al Queda subset into a battle?" Yelena asked.
"Blackmail."
"Ah." She nodded. "That was funny."
"I enjoyed that too," John agreed. "I fought a few of those guys." He looked at Bucky. "Did he get possessed by Xena?"
"Didn't ask. You can if you want but a lot of the time he considers himself like Joxer if he had MPD instead of being triplets."
"Ah." He nodded. That explained a lot. It really did.
"Huh?" Yelena asked.
"I'll let you see it later," Bob told her. "I like that show." She nodded, accepting that.
"He is proof that sidekicks do the same duty," Alexei said. "And do it just as well." The others nodded.
Stephen Strange shook his head. "Can those hellmouths be ended some time in the distant future?"
"Probably not," Bucky admitted. "You'd have to ask someone like Jane Foster."
"I will see if anyone took over her studies," he sighed. "But not until after that one may help us save everyone this time. I wonder if they would've helped with Thanos."
"Xander did help with Thanos and with the rewind that didn't let people have five years missing like Stark almost had happen," Bucky said. "He was on an edge of the fight with some of his wacky little friends. He kept some from getting off that realm. Took out half of a lower unit with them. Some of Shuri's warriors spotted him and one asked.
"Good. That's good." He nodded with a sigh. "I wonder what he would have done otherwise?"
Bucky looked down at him. "If you find him you can ask him but I do not ask Xander about what other Xanders might do. Because he may be able to tell you. Don't share when you find out."
"No, I will not." He blinked at that knowledge. "Has he scried himself?"
"No idea."
"Damn. I wonder if he would tell us other things."
"As they came up in special comic books," Bucky said.
"That's good. That's a nice thing." He shook his head quickly, going to his home again to rest and contemplate the weirdness of certain heroes.
Sam looked at Joaquin. Who was shaking his head slowly. "I know two guys like that and I miss one of 'em," he admitted. "Damn."
"Ditto," John agreed. "A few actually." He sighed, taking the guinea pig to pet. It was getting loud again. Yelena huffed but oh well. He needed the furry thing comfort. "Can we help him?"
"Jump in if you can," Bucky said. "I have. Hated it. I'm not a sword guy."
"Where's his artillery stash?" Bob asked.
"With him. Usually shrunken or something. I've heard rumors he was looking at a way to hide one in a skin flap sort of thing. I'm pretty sure I talked him out of that because then it'd expose others to his germy blood."
"Good idea," a few voices agreed.
"I thought Maximoff was the weirdest hero we had," John admitted. "I was wrong. I'm sorry I was wrong." Bucky patted him on the shoulder. "Can we help him get better?"
"If you want to train with him ask him. Not me."
"Sure, I might do that." He nodded a bit. He could definitely be the role model for the kid.
Yelena took back her guinea pig. "I am starting to worry about how dark you'll go," she told him. "As you seem to like him that way as well."
He blinked. "I don't want to fuck the kid, I want to rehabilitate him into me. I can be a good mentor."
Bob nodded. "Yeah, that'd probably be great. He's already got the asshole parts down with the weapons skills."
"Good point." He grimaced. Was he a bit attracted to the boy? If so, he really had to consider why. Was he going to go evil some day?
"Steve wanted to make Xander normal too," Sam told them. "For some reason. I started to worry about his evil levels."
"He only did that when he was being a fight starting prick back in Brooklyn," Bucky quipped.
"He is not Snow White but he is not the Evil Queen either," Alexei said. "But maybe that one princess from Brave?"
"Merida," Yelena told him. "Perhaps. Or maybe Mulan."
"Mulan would definitely be something he'd do," Bucky agreed. "Though he does complain when some of his dates call him a princess. Mostly because he wanted to get off too and they didn't let him or they didn't feed him and treated him like a hole."
John nodded. "We can find people to introduce the poor guy to, right?" They all nodded at that. They all knew people who might be attracted to Xander, they could set him up on dates if he wanted. "Is there a version of that girl Anya here?"
"Damn I hope not," Bucky admitted.
Ava shifted, shaking her head. "If so, she's doing an important job."
"Yup," everyone agreed.
"But I don't want her in my bed," Ava finished.
"If any of us date a woman like that, the rest of us need to stage an intervention," John said. He got his own beer and came back to sit down.
"I like a somewhat demanding woman who knows what she wants but I am their present, not things," Alexei said.
"You date someone like that and Melina and I will talk to her," Yelena assured him with a pat on the arm then took her guinea pig back to pet.
"Women like that would use me. I've had enough of that," Bob said, getting up to go to his room and think.
Ava said the other thought they were all thinking. "If Val gets hooked on him, do we save her?" she asked. The group looked at each other then shook their heads. A few chorused 'no'. "Good. I didn't want to have that ethical talk with myself over that."
They broke up to go think about that guy in their own rooms. The two 'avengers' went home to do the same thing. Bucky did find that keychain and put it on his current one, just in case he might need it.
***
The next morning, Yelena walked into the kitchen. "Did anyone else have the odd thoughts about masturbating to him?" she asked. "I do not know why I would." John spluttered. The others all considered it then nodded they had. "That PTB he noted?" she guessed.
"Powers That Be," Bucky told her.
"Ah." She nodded. "Is there a Powers That Are? That is more grammatically accurate."
"Ask Xander."
"I may." She sat down, getting her stuff from the center of the table. John was still choking on his coffee but Bob was moving to help him with that. "Do not let him puke on the food," she ordered. She dug into her cereal. John stomped off to finish choking away from the food. "That redhead. Do we have a version?"
"She got sent back when they all went home," Bucky told her. "A local one, not sure."
"Good! Do we have ones like her here?"
"If so, maybe we can make sure they have someone to guide them away from all that. We do have a Giles here, he's a chaos sorcerer and helps Xander make the demagicing solution."
"Perhaps. It might be a good idea." That got a nod. "Before we have to find a way to stop someone from ending everyone in their grief."
"I would've just shot her," Bucky admitted. "Even if we needed her later, that's a huge liability and it appeared she never did the work to stop the addiction."
"Me too," Alexei agreed, grimacing. "It's sad how some people are so screwed up by their parents. Not even a regime doing it, but their own parents."
Bob looked at him as he came back. "Hey, I resemble that remark."
"Not you. Compared to that redhead, you are mostly normal, Bob." Alexei shook his head. "What did her parents do?"
"Book writing shrinks according to him."
"Ah." He nodded.
Val's voice came over the loudspeaker on that floor. "Why are there tentacles petting the white house?" she demanded. "And do not lock me in a closet again, people."
"We were saving you from lusting after Forger," Bucky said dryly. "Tentacles? Maybe whoever owns their soul debt is calling it in." He shrugged. "They haven't called us yet."
"I don't want anything to do with that cretin beyond to kill him," Valentina complained. "Really, I don't. He's messed up multiple operations, including some CIA ones."
"Hmm, by protecting innocents," Bucky said dryly. "Good for him!" She huffed but hung up. They all got back to breakfast. Unless the white house called, that was Sam's job.
"How would one fight tentacles?" Yelena asked quietly.
"I'd guess a flame thrower," Bucky admitted. "Or finding where they came from and destroying that thing." She nodded at that, digging in faster. Someone's phone was ringing in the living room.
"That's me," Ava said, going to get her phone. "Hello." She listened. "No, we're having breakfast. No one's called us for that yet, ma'am. How did you get my number? Oh, that way. Fine." She hung up on her. "Just a reporter."
"If it's my fault, sorry. I had to switch phones. They made me for security reasons," Bucky said.
"No, they were watching us type at people and saw that we were texting each other. John's phone displays the numbers sometimes." He winced at that.
"I'm having someone hack to get it out of their system," Val said as she walked into the kitchen. She smirked at Bucky. "You don't really like the guy, right?"
"Yeah I do and I count on him to help with stuff. Unless you want to to fight a demon invasion?" She glared. He stared back. "Beyond that, others have tried and failed."
"Headshots work," she said dryly.
"Not always," he admitted. "Xander's got some protections from that too." She growled. He shrugged. "It came in handy."
"I'm having one of those ...things he dates poison him," she complained, stomping off.
"Someone's tried that a few times, and tried to expose him to diseases," Bucky called after her. "It took Banner to let him be fussed at. The guy had liver damage and brain trauma from visions so had a lovely migraine for days, and he still fell into a battle. You're not that good."
John blinked a few times. "Wow."
Bucky nodded. "A lot of wow at times. But he's good at what he does and I do like the guy. Even if there were times I wanted to beat the living fuck outta him for some of the stuff he did." He shook his head and went into a mimicking Xander voice. "What's up, Sweetie? I know you're busy blowing up that city in Argentina tomorrow but you got some time today, sweetheart?" he said then shook his head.
"I know you're busy and all I but I got *needs* before a battle tomorrow that's even worse and I'll be stealing that bomb to use it myself, but I'll make sure you get to the plane on time. Sure, you can dress me up, but no heels this time. I hate those things and you wear a smaller size. Sure, we can dance and fight. Sparring is happy time too," he finished in a fake purr. Then shook his head quickly again.
Yelena gaped at him. "That was him?" she squeaked. Bucky nodded, staring at her. "I was there to stop her and he didn't let her get to the plane in time and then the bomb disappeared suddenly."
"He used it in the problem in Brazil somehow," he told her. "And no, she died in her sleep after the six hours of sex."
"Six hours," she said, looking at him. "How in the hell?"
"I don't know." He looked confused. "I can't and I was good with dames and girls in my day. I was real good to them in my day. I can't do that." He shrugged.
"With the way Anya talked she probably trained him to put her needs first," John said. "Girls like that hate to not be pampered."
Bucky nodded. "Most likely. Though I do know he likes giving oral sex. I know once he pouted that no one gives it back. Alex felt so sorry for him about that he hired him someone to do just that for Xander's birthday. Said it was from the cat."
Yelena nodded at that, staring at him. "They were frustrating little brothers, weren't they?" she teased with a grin.
"Yeah, they were. Often. Things would happen that were weird and I'd look at them, they'd shrug, go looking, fix it, and then come back to not report until I noted I needed to know. Half of those Forger went 'poker debt!' and left it there. I'm pretty sure that's what happened to the rest of that group he blackmailed into that one battle in Sierra Leone.
"Alex had a total brainfart one day. He was reading a new comic book while waiting on the HYDRA guys to get into the trap and held up a hand to let him finish it. And they did! They were really confused but they did let him finish it and then he got them all thanks to Forger using a gas grenade and taking the comic for his own reading.
"I like the guys, a lot. They're great guys, I adore that they helped me and I like them a lot. But sometimes I want to strangle them both." He looked around. "The last time I said that in a bar, three different arms dealers agreed they did too. The bartender suggested we form a support group but one of those arms dealers said it'd turn into an orgy when they showed up to pout about them not liking the boys anymore.
"Which yes, Forger did have one of those happen. The ninjas were very nice when they broke in to stop that. And then joined in. I wasn't there but I know what happened. Film got sent to Stark by the agents, hoping he'd identify who was who. Stark had Steve pull me back from Atlanta, right before a fight, to show me that film so I could go talk to the trainee."
"I would hope you're kidding," Yelena admitted.
"I wish I was too," he assured her, looking honest. "I really do wish I was." She whined a bit but nodded. "The only time he has ever admitted he needed help was when I accidentally retriggered myself in a way I could not get free of for a few days. And we went 'round while he tried to protect me. Which is what broke the trust but I have apologized for that.
"He was bruised, had a few stab wounds, had kept me down for days with various ropes, locks, demon paralytics, and a whole lotta other stuff then he told Steve to come get me. We had to chase him down to apologize to him and talk to him, and we did, including getting him from a HYDRA base in Africa where some fairies had sent him because he was poisoned so in hyena mode.
"He didn't change back for that fight. Then he's healing and he works on Kate Bishop's training. Oh, and if we find a little piece of something like an MRI or a CT machine and it's moving on its own or growling, it's from his hellmouth taint getting them when Banner tried to do some scans. Barton had to kill it really hard and we're still missing pieces of it probably."
"I saw that one kick and wondered if Kate had learned that from him or from Barton," Yelena said.
"Him. Clint only trained weapons with her."
"Ah." She nodded then sighed. "Did he scratch them to death?"
"Bit. He ripped out someone's throat, he bit the rest, he defeated a good third of the base while me, Steve, and Natasha were going in to get him, and we all won then knocked him out to carry him home tied to a stretcher. Banner was happy to see him." He grinned.
She nodded. "I'm sure he was." She grimaced, looking at Alexei, who shrugged but shook his head. She sighed. "What happens if someone notes his myths?"
"He showed up in a cheap tiara from some girlish store in the mall, a ball gown, had a sparkly wand, hadn't shaved, handed that one his tea he ordered in that pretentious tea house, bopped him on the forehead with the wand then blessed him to have an interesting day before walking off cackling.
"I kept him from candy for a week because he was sugar high. That guy committed suicide instead, just in case that was a real wish on his life. Which got Xander a lot of weapons." He grinned. "Most of which he used. He might still have one or two but not sure."
"Can we get an inventory of what he has?" John asked.
"I'm not asking him. He calls them his babies and he can cuddle his battle axe like it's his teddy bear. When he was that sick that he got the MRI and CT machine, he had that and an assault rifle he won at poker the night before to cuddle. Banner took pictures." He looked in his phone, finding it to show it off.
"Awww," John said, looking amused. "That's... I almost want to say cute, but awww."
Yelena took it to look at then passed it to Alexei, who blinked at it and sighed then handed it on. Ava cooed. Bob frowned at it. "Wouldn't you get hurt if you cuddled that axe that way?"
"The blade near his face was under the pillow most of the time," Bucky said, taking his phone back because it was starting to ring. "Barnes." He listened. "Because no one called us in, Senator McHenry. At all. If they don't call we don't show up. Frankly, we figured whoever owed someone's soul debt came to collect. Sam's in DC." He got hung up on and that one was calling Sam probably. They turned on the news to watch it going on.
"Oh, come on!" Sam complained as he walked up to the white house in sweats and a t-shirt with the shield on his back. "I'm supposed to be jogging right now with a female agent who wanted to see if I could spar with her. Do you mind not getting whatever debt this is for today? Please?" The tentacle petted him. "Thanks, yeah, just don't get slime on me. I don't need to look that messy before our run. There's press and they'd make a huge deal out of it."
The tentacle pulled him closer. "Oh, no, I'm not cuddling you! I'm not into cuddling anyone but human females." The tentacle pouted, it went limp, but went back to petting him. "Can we get you to go home please? At least for a day or so? Because I hate to say it, but other agents are probably showing up with flame throwers and you're too nice to be burned to death."
It rubbed his back and then got sucked into the hole it had come out of. "Thanks." He waved. "Be safe wherever you're going." He sighed at the agents, who were looking horrified. He shrugged. "It never hurts to be polite to beings, even if they're petting the building. It would've been different if we had respected and acted with social manners to King Kong too. Or Godzilla maybe. Not sure about him but you never know."
One agent moaned. "Probably not Godzilla. It just wanted to destroy things, Wilson."
"Been a while since I saw one," he admitted dryly.
"Yeah, how do we stop that from coming back?" Sam looked at the hole then at him. The agent looked. "We'll make sure the pets don't come this way, just in case it's hungry." He sighed. "We'll..." He considered it.
Sam's phone rang and so did Bucky's. Sam looked at it. "In the future," Sam read. "That's too wet to burn that way, it won't work. It'll make it attack you though. You probably won't like that. If you can find the mouth and it's a water type, stressed, use salt on the mouth. On the tentacles you can trim them off easily. Though if there's too many it can create a new one as they're healing because they have immortal cell structures.
"Okay. Is this a water type one? And do we have them here?" The next text message came in. "That was a portal version and they're stopped by ending the portal. Which is probably in the hole," he told that agent. He went back to reading it off. "And it's name is Phyllis. I named her years ago because her portal randomly pops up thanks to Strange's sorcerers doing something yet again that cranked the magical matrix of this planet and realm.
"There's Phyllis, Bob, Robert, because I thought they were the same one and they're not, and Gladys who routinely show up. She's very huggy and will not grope but does like to cuddle." He nodded at that. "Yeah, I only hug human women." A new text message came in and he snorted. "To each their own," he muttered. He put his phone back into his shorts pocket, looking at the agent.
The agent blinked a few times, nodding slowly. "How do we end the portal and who was that?"
"Forger."
"Okay, who's he?"
"The guy that put the Silver lady out of phase."
"Ah." He nodded. "Okay. Who is he?"
"Ask Bucky."
"Why?"
"He's not from here, HYDRA was looking for a mystical weapon and pulled him by accident and the other with them. They really were not pleased because they all went boom." His phone rang so he looked at it. "Oh, that agent's not an agent, she's a germ seller. She's a broker and looking for blood samples. Sure, I won't want to spar with her then. Thanks, kid." He put his phone back in the pocket.
"He said ending a portal takes a very delicate, minute application of explosives around the frame of the portal but if you use too little it can twist it and it might open somewhere else that could lead to an invasion if they're upset with that, and if you hit the part that's not the frame it can rip it and cause a black hole."
The agent blinked. "Sure," he said. "I can understand that. So like a picture frame or something?"
"Yeah, probably. He compared it to a mirror."
"I've seen those in a few books," he admitted.
Sam nodded. "Me too." He walked off. "I'm going to run in the usual park."
"Have good PT, Captain," another agent called. Sam grinned and waved. That agent looked at the lower one. "We'll get a demo expert here to look at that to see if we can find the frame to make sure it can't happen again here." They heard the phone ring.
Sam paused then looked back at them. "He said it's random where it appears. However Strange's people did that, it'll randomly appear somewhere. You're lucky it wasn't inside. Though he thinks it might be in the same spot but where it goes might depend on how we're spinning he said." He put it back into his pocket and finished walking back to his car.
"We can find a scientist to look at that," the second agent said, going to find one. They could hear the president screaming about that and were ignoring his fit. Plus see if he could get a contact list of people who might be really helpful for things like this. They had no idea how to reach Sorcerer Supreme Strange either outside of showing up at his house.
The lower agent sighed, watching the hole in case she came back. He would be polite to the poor tentacle things. She might just be lonely. He did make sure no animals came near it though, he didn't want to see a white house pet eaten.
***
Bucky looked at the senators staring at him the next day, shrugging. "What?"
"That one?"
"HYDRA summoned him to be a mystical warrior. So he and Alex, the other they called over, helped me destroy most of them."
"Oh." He blinked a few times. "That's interesting. What does he do?"
"Handles demon emergencies from the non-peaceful part of their community. Plus steps into bigger battles if he's near there." He had copied one of the battles from the tape because he knew this question was coming. "From his home realm." He let them see it.
That guy blinked then shuddered, handing the phone back. "Okay. That's good to know. Is he that Ronin guy?"
"No, that was a former SHIELD agent who lost his family in the snap."
"Good to know," another senator said, looking at him. Bucky stared back. "He's a nice boy?"
"Sometimes, if he wants to be. He just seems to draw darker people to flirt with him. A lot of whom like weapons."
"Oh. That's sweet of him I guess." She walked off with a sigh. That left her out.
Bucky looked at the others staring. "He's fine, people. Really, he is. He's a good guy, he does what he's gotta do, and he handles what he needs to handle." They nodded at that. "He's one of the minor heroes we have here. Him, Daredevil, those sort."
"That's handy to have though." They went to their seats so the session could be called into order.
The one calling them to order, the Vice President, looked at Bucky. "The tentacles?"
"No one asked me to blow it and I don't have the delicate nature it'd need. I'm sure they asked someone at the Pentagon and got an explosives specialist."
"They did. Then filled in the hole."
"I know nothing about that stuff. Neither does the Sorcerer Supreme. There's all different types of magic and Forger just has the radiation from those sort of portals, not regular magic."
"Oh. Okay." She nodded. "I know agents wanted to talk to him."
"I only worry about the ones who want to date him."
"We can watch out for that," she decided with a nod. "I am calling the session to order in two minutes," she announced to give people time to sit down for the roll call.
***
Xander got summoned to the Watchtower, walking in and pausing to frown at the doorway. "What the hell did someone do?" he muttered. "And that's not Willow magic but it is. So maybe the one from here doing her graduation from magic slavery test?" he muttered. He stared at it then looked at the staring guards. "Did you guys know there's a spell on the doorway to make everyone poly and bisexual?"
"No," that guard said. "Can it be ended?"
"Not my field, dude. I don't do magic. I can just tell it because I grew up around someone who did it." He frowned, tipping his head. "Yeah, that's the local Rosenburg. You should ask the local Rupert Giles. He's her teacher." They took note of that and found him in the city's database so they could ask him about that.
Xander looked at the guy coming off the elevator. "I just found out local Willow spelled the doorways to make everyone poly and bisexual. It was probably her graduation test from apprenticeship and magical slavery." He shrugged. "No idea though. Have fun talking to her, Walker. What did you need?"
"We got asked to ask you some questions about stuff. So I got the long straw this time. Bob's hiding from you."
Xander blinked, looking confused. "The flying guy?" Walker nodded. "Yeah, I read one ep of his comic book, and he wouldn't like my mind at all. Really not a lot of fun in there. The shame room I'd... well, it's probably not what people would think with my shaman training."
"You are?"
"Yeah. I had to control the possession streak somehow."
"Oh, that's good to know." He nodded. "Let's go talk before agents try to make us do things again and we get to ignore them."
Xander raised an eyebrow, staring at him. "Okay, I'm feeling some weirdness here," he admitted quietly, moving closer. "And I'm pretty dense most of the time about that stuff."
"No, if I was hitting on you, you'd know it, kid."
"Oh, okay. That's great." He grinned again. "What did they want to know that I probably won't want to talk about?"
"Probably some of the weapons stuff, maybe some facts about stuff like the tentacles. They gave us a list."
"Sure, I guess." He followed him to a meeting room upstairs. He looked around. "I remember this being the infirmary before."
"They had to redo this whole floor thanks to Ultron." He opened the envelope they had been given with the questions.
"I was nowhere near there to have helped. I was in Asia. Handling a hell goddess trying to show up to get worshipers."
"Did anyone else hear about that?"
"Probably only locally. They do like to hide those things."
He sat across from him. "How often have we had demon problems here in the US?"
"Six or seven bigger ones since I've been here. Now and then a single being will become a pain in my back or shoulders but mostly they're all peaceful. And I do help protect the peaceful ones."
"I can agree with that. I'm all for protecting anyone who wants to be here peacefully and just live life." He looked at the list then shook his head. "Some idiot agent made that list."
Xander giggled, taking it to look at. "Aww, it's one I dated. He's asking about other dates. Which means he'll probably try to take some out and run into George. The last one did. He was a mess." He grimaced. "George was not nice to him."
"George...."
Xander shrugged. "He said to call him George. I made quip about the Bugs Bunny version and he agreed, he'd love to hug me and squeeze me to death too. And he lost when he tried so he pouted, took me to a nice dinner the next night, wasn't *too* bad in bed, better than average but not world shaking, and then he's kind of shown up here and there when someone really, truly annoys me to death. He was at the LA invasion, glared at Sam Wilson a few times."
"How did most of the US miss that happening? And I know because some of my fellow soldiers got sent to help clean up the mess and make sure people were back at safe and peaceful levels."
Xander shrugged. "How does it ever get covered up? There were cameras. Maybe someone made a wish to mute the impact. Not sure." He stared at him. "Though, some of those soldiers?" He grinned. "You sure you're going to claim them?"
"The ones that were trying that same sort of program, we took care of our own," he told him, staring at him. Xander grinned at that. "They're not going to do it again."
"I like that. I about did the same thing when I ran into them being out and about for the UN hunting squads or Homeland. They considered me a curse."
"I'm sure you can be when you want to be."
Xander nodded with a smirk. "Yes I can be. Very much so, but only if I like you because then that gets you attention and people try to complain and stuff."
"Ah. That effect. Yeah, that's ...seen that happen," he admitted. Yelena came in and sat in Xander's lap to kiss him, making him grip her hips and kiss her back, making her moan. He had no idea Yelena could moan that way.
She pulled back panting, staring at him, blinking hard. "That was a test."
"Did I pass it?" he asked with a grin.
"I think so, I might be dizzy."
"That could actually be you being close to my protections, Yelena."
"You knew the me in your world."
"Yes, your name was Stella and she was the Slayer born in Prague." She blinked a few times then gaped. "She was okay, middle of the pack fighting wise and those things. Had a slight problem with an eating disorder thanks to some bitches in her school. Not a bad kid. I did some of her training and she did okay until she went to college.
"She did good in college until she got a boyfriend who was a...well, a huge idiot was the least of her worries since he wanted to be a poet. An opium smoking poet like in the old days." He grimaced. "Then we had to help Stella have sense since she thought she might love him. He was a horrible poet though."
He shook his head. "I asked Spike to have a poetry contest with him to humiliate him and he did, and made Buffy swoon with it. The guy pouted all the way to France, where he got arrested for spouting in public about things that were against their ideals." He grinned at her. "Stella eventually graduated, did girl things, and then I got sent here." He patted her on the hip he was still holding. "But did I pass the test?"
"You did. How did you do that?"
"Practice, it does all skills good," he said with a smirk. "Doesn't it?" He helped her stand up.
"You treat women well most of the time."
"Some women don't want manners. Am I going to force me using manners on them?"
"Well, no."
"And some women like Anya hated me being nice and trying to do anything but what she wanted me to do. Which is why we didn't have dates."
She shook her head. "I saw. That ...I would have sent her off."
"Huge problem if she felt scorned and could use it to get her job back."
"Oh, good point. Ewww."
"Hey, I never got turned into the guy who was the only flush toilet in his Central American town. I lucked out there."
"Why?" John asked, shaking his head a bit.
"He hit his wife for not putting the toilet seat back up for him. We all thought she did a great job with that one and all the men locally learned how plumbing like that worked and other important lessons." He smirked a bit. "They kept him nicely clean too."
"I'd want someone to kill me," John said. "Yeah, that sort deserves it, but give him a merciful death."
Xander shrugged. "She was held up by what they wished."
"Well, if I get hit, kill me."
"Sure, I can do that," he agreed with a smirk. "Not a problem really."
"Thanks." He looked at Yelena. "Do you know about that guy named George?"
"He apparently took out a few of my former dates who were taking out other ones," Xander told her. "I have no idea what his name is since he's changed it from Dmitri Kiznats." He grinned at John. "He's not Russian mob. He's a former INTERPOL agent."
Yelena nodded. "I have not heard that name but I'll look him up to make sure he doesn't come here."
"Look on the witches' bulletin board too. One of them had a crackhead vision about Wilson losing his wings somehow. It was really symbolic and I'm not sure if someone didn't drug her. Or it's one of the ones that thinks Sam's hot and wants to have him as her top minion. Not sure." She winced but nodded, leaving them to talk.
"Why would they want Wilson?"
"Because talented concubines earn you status."
"Oh, that reason. Yeah, well, Falcon can do that himself."
Xander smirked. "Oh, there's a few who are thinking about you I'm sure. Because two goddesses I know are. They're both peaceful but you helped save their temple at one time."
"I was happy to help probably but I don't need a new goddess in my life. I'm divorced."
"I never managed to get to the step before that," Xander admitted then sighed. "None of mine wanted to be real dates. They wanted to play, not be with me. I need someone who's my shieldmate." He shifted to stare at him. Someone opened the door so he nodded at the woman there. "Oh, hey, it's you. The one they called the spoiled wannabe princess." He smirked. "Hey."
"You should not be here."
"I got invited here to be asked questions."
"Yes he did," John agreed. He took the questions back. "So all those, they're past dates?"
"Not all. There's two I barely recognize. One I don't know at all." He looked then tapped that one. "No idea who he is."
"That's a she and she's in charge of a major pipeline out of Thailand that runs past and slightly alongside Madripor through Rome and then to Belarus and that group there."
"That group there is mostly down the last I knew. Not me, but I know they mostly went down. Like six months ago or so if I heard right."
"That's good to know." He made note of that on the paper. He stared at Valentina. Then at Xander. "Can those of us who want to learn be taught how to jump in properly?"
"Take sword lessons? Get my teaching manual's copy from Hawkeye?" He grinned. "It's buried in the new truck, I have no idea where I put it and it may have fallen into my safe sleep portal. Not sure. I can't find it."
"I'll see if he'll send us a copy." He stared at him. "Just swords?"
"Axes are useful but you can't stab with them and some things need stabbed. So unless your axe has a pointy end...it's a liability about a third of the time. You can behead but you can't do something like certain types of cuts because of the angle."
"I can understand that." He looked at Val, who glared at him. Then at Xander. Who waved a hand and suddenly there was smoke. "Thought you didn't do magic, Harris."
"I don't. I dropped smoke pellet." He grinned. "How silly to think I did magic instead of stage guy magic just then." He got up. "Hopefully Rupert can remove that spell on the doorway for you guys so you can decide if you want to be poly and bi. Though...that had to come from the online story stuff. It really did. Have you seen that?"
"I was advised to ignore it."
"You might want to warn others about that? Does your blond guy know that?"
"I'll have that talk with Bob later," he said with a nod. "I didn't even think about that. How bad is it?"
"Oh... the 'I can fix him' girls are out already." John winced but nodded once. "A lot think you play at being a daddy to some and then go subby in others." He shrugged. "Mine, they ignore me. I'm only in one and I just show up to hand over a sword as I walk past someone." He winked and left, going to walk around the paralyzed bitch.
John looked at her. "That had one of those snot paralytics didn't it?" he realized. He got up to go upstairs. "Harris smoke grenaded Val."
"Awww," Alexei said dryly, eating a chip. "How cute of him." He smiled at Ava, who grinned back. "Any other good news?"
"Hawkeye has a teaching manual of his copied."
"I can get us a copy," Yelena said, calling him. "Laura, Yelena," she said, walking off. "Forger said that your man has a manual he had copied from him? Can we please get a copy in case we need one? Thank you, Laura. That's very helpful." She came back, hanging up. "She'll have him email one."
"Great." John looked at them. "He brought up a point I don't know if any of you have considered. Did we know that people write stories with us in them online?"
Ava squeaked. "Ran into it," she said, trying not to blush. "Wow. They got me real wrong since they like to say I'm partially an amazon in the bedroom."
"What?" Alexei said. He looked confused.
"The convention stuff, Dad," Yelena said dryly.
"Oh, them. They write stories? Are they good?"
"Some probably are," John said. "Some are porn. There's probably a lot of porn actually. I was advised to ignore that they existed. Completely never look. Because I'd get really upset." He looked at Bob, who winced. "Yeah, you may not want to look that up. Harris noted you've been found in some of them."
"How bad can they be?"
"My pussy and love can magically make him heal," John said dryly. Bob winced, shaking his head with a grin. "Exactly. You probably do not want to look yourself up, Bob. At all. Even if you want the personalized porn, just...it'll probably upset you. And we're not supposed to actually talk about that stuff." He gave Yelena a look, getting a shrug back.
"Why would I know?"
"Uh-huh. Are you writing it yet?"
"No, it sucks. I am not a writer," she admitted. "Though some are...hmm. We'll say energetic of us. I have not enough stamina to get busy that way after a battle as a way of calming down the adrenaline, but some may. I have no idea why they think we're all together. Literally."
"He said someone put a spell on the doorway to make us bisexual and poly," John told her. "Mostly coming from that sort of thing."
"Oh, yes, a great many had Natasha being the domme of the whole team." She nodded wih a smile. "Some I could have seen her doing as well."
"I do not need to know," Alexei told her firmly. "I do not want those thoughts of her."
"Fine." She waved a hand. "They think you're just big, growly, and hairy so you're clearly a fatherly sort in that special meaning way. Or maybe a light dom to John."
John looked up, shaking his head. "Do I want to ask?" he asked himself. Then looked at her. "Most popular?"
She grinned. "You and Bob." Bob groaned, shaking his head at that fast enough to make himself dizzy. "The four of us with two very tolerant uncle sorts. Two have me and Kate and I have no idea how they put us together that way."
Ava shook her head. "Who do they 'ship me with?" Yelena waved a hand with a grin. "Oh. Sure. Cool." She nodded at that.
"And Hope VanDyne."
"She'd hate that."
"We were all advised not to look at that stuff so we didn't get upset," John told her with a grin. "They probably were too."
"Probably. Wow." She sighed. "It's okay, Bob. It's someone's mental fantasy ideas."
"I know that. I get that point completely. Why me?"
"You're tragic," Yelena told him. "And yet hot. Women like tragic things they can nurture and fuss at, perhaps fix a bit."
"They think you're like the victorian houses on those flip shows they ruin," John told him.
"Oh. Yeah. Nope. I'm not. Not at all." He grinned. "Can we note that?"
"No. We can hint," he said with a smirk. "I sure did as Cap. Twice during interviews when someone asked me about fans. I noted that I loved that I had fans but some were a bit too...enthusiastic and maybe had the wrong ideas of what I'd love. I noted one tried to send me her homemade canned peaches since I'm from Georgia.
"I thanked her greatly but said I wasn't allowed to accept gifts like that. If I ran into them at a county fair I could eat a bite, but otherwise I wasn't allowed to accept such gifts and the wife would get jealous too. And that's when everyone decided I liked to be called Daddy in bed. And I don't." He smirked at Bob. "But yeah, it's...just ...you probably don't want to look that up, Bob."
"No, I'm not going to do a thing."
"Note you're single but you're presently concentrating on yourself," Yelena told him. "It may stop some of that."
"Maybe," Bob complained. "At least there's no tentacles."
"No, they have those in some stories," Yelena told him dryly. "They have their version of hentai as well, Bob." He scrunched up his face, shaking his head again. "Though only a few of the former team got that treatment. Usually Clint."
"Yeah, I don't see Rogers being the sort of guy to like tentacles," John said, sitting down to put his feet up. "I really don't. I don't think he'd be that amused."
She shrugged. "They didn't get anyone but Clint with that one."
"Huh." He nodded a bit. Then sighed. "Oh, Wilson's got a few who want him to be their top minion sort."
"Human?" she asked.
"No."
"Poor Sam," she sighed. "Having to deal with that. But it's not me." She smiled at Alexei, who shook his head with a smirk at her. "They don't want me, they know I'd retaliate." She looked at Ava, who shook her head. "Hmm. I wonder if they're trying to trap us doing things."
"No idea," John admitted. "Ask Harris. Or Bucky. He might know."
"He might have contacts through him. Do you think they really play poker for kittens?"
"No clue," he admitted. "But if you do, find them homes. We don't need ten thousand cats." He looked at her. "They might attack your squeaker."
"True, they could be mean to the guinea pig." She sighed. "I wonder if I can learn."
"Ask Harris."
"I would." She blinked. Then looked at Alexei. "I tested him to see what he would do if I slid into his lap and kissed him. And it was nice! I have to admit, he did good! Then I asked if he knew me there. Apparently that me was a slayer born in Prague. He called her pretty good and middle of the pack of slayers. Had a crummy taste in boyfriends. Dealt with some bitches in school who ended up giving her an eating disorder." He nodded at that. "So yes, things do cross over more than I would have expected."
John blinked a few times. "That's true, I wouldn't think that we were real there since we were a comic book."
"No, some of us were comic books," Bucky said as he came off the elevator. "Not all of us."
"Oh, cool. That makes sense then." He nodded a bit. He handed over that list of questions. "He said the one who asked about specific dates would probably end up running into George."
"I hate that guy. I ran into George and he tried to kill me for not being around Xander to mentor him and keep him safe from his own urges." He read them over, then grimaced. "Oh, that's sad. Someone had a crush." He handed them back. "That particular weapon, he has the case but reused it. I looked in that once. I didn't want to know."
"Sure." He put that on the notes so that agent could have them back.
"I asked Clint for a copy of his training manual," Yelena said.
Bucky considered it. "I never did get one from him, no. Huh. Though I do need some recipes from him again. I lost my copy of the holy water hand grenade one." He got some beer to drink then went to his room to change. He came out handing Yelena her guinea pig. "It was trying to get off my bed."
"Awww. Did you sneak in to see Bucky?" she asked it, smiling as she pet it.
"He noted there's a spell on the doorway," John said.
Bucky came back. "For what?"
"To be poly and bi apparently."
"I hate that shit," he said bluntly. "They all think I hooked up with Zemo." He walked off again. "They're fucking nuts."
John laughed at that. "At least no one's expecting you to utter the word 'daddy'. Or hear it."
"Don't remind me. A few had Steve trying to make me do that," he called back from his room. "I found out who it was and had Steve go talk to them about that by being subtle and giving an interview about that topic in their local town."
"Oooh," John said with a grin. "That's mean."
Bucky nodded as he walked past again, heading for the laundry room. "Yup, sure was. Fun too." He smirked before he turned the corner with his basket.
"We can do that as subtly as he did," Yelena decided. "Note it that someone has asked us about relationships."
Bob nodded. "Sure, we can do that." He looked at her. "I can't imagine why anyone would want Sentry though."
"He's hot and he's maybe fixable, Bob. Girls like projects. It's like craft class with some of them," he said dryly.
"Oh. That stuff. But I'm not a sweater to knit."
"That's not a popular one to do," Yelena told him. "Anymore it's a lot of those coloring books."
"I'm cute but not that way." He went to moan in his own room. He did put up a subtle thing on his twitter feed that it had been asked if he was dating and he had to say he was not, he was working on himself right now, and couldn't pay attention to a special someone. Then he left it there. If someone was still going to do that, he could ignore it. He really, hopefully, could.
***
Sam Wilson looked up at the really tall being there to see the sights in DC. "Ma'am," he said with a smile. "Do you have an identity you share with others? Because all I got told was some people were really scared because you're tall. And kinda a bit greenish."
She giggled. "That's sweet of them but I am not one of those sort. I'm Havara. You?"
"Sam Wilson, ma'am. I can escort you around a for a bit to make sure no one panics for no reason. Tall people are fine in my book." She smiled, going with him. "So, ever been to DC before?"
"No, I have not." She smiled at him. "You don't have to try, dear. I understand why they worry. They're not used to beings like me who are magnificent."
"Pretty much," he agreed. "And we had a portal recently that had tentacles that made some people go hide for a while."
"I saw that." She grinned. "The poor silly thing." Sam's phone rang so she stared at him oddly. "One of the panicking ones?"
He read it, frowning. "Maybe. Oh, Forger said Hi." He looked at her.
"Forger?" She slowly shook her head. "Not a name I know of."
"Does Xander ring a bell instead?" he asked.
"That one I do know." She pouted. "I am not like the one on his realm. I really am not. I know she was meaner to him but I am not here to be mean. I'm here to look at the pretty things in a few of the museums."
"That's fine. I love the Smithsonians if we're going there," he promised, putting his phone back once he had answered him. "The art one, the natural history? Aerospace?"
"The ones with the paintings and the one with the jewelry."
"Art and natural history," he agreed. He walked her that way, they weren't that far away. They were near the Mall area between the two monuments and the Smithsonians were just off that area. If Xander needed him, he'd tell someone else. Hopefully she was being honest and was peaceful. He touched her hand when she reached out.
"We're not allowed to touch them. It'll set off an alarm." He looked at her. She nodded, putting her hand down. "Some art's just meant to be looked at but now and then they have a textiles show that has fabric art. String or yarn or fabric, and a lot of those are meant to be touched," he told her, walking her along.
"Oh, that's one of my favorite ones. You can almost feel the waves." He led her over to look at that. She did hum and smiled at it. "I like to sit and stare at it, I can almost feel myself being on that boat. My father owned a fishing boat so I spent a lot of time on one."
"That's interesting. I didn't know they still did that." He nodded, walking her off talking about the state of commercial fishing and the differences with wild caught versus farm raised fish. She could speak on that. She had many fishers in her area of the world.
***
Xander stared at the tv, foot up and wrapped with an ice pack on it. "She's a jewel thief, Wilson," he said dryly. He considered it then called Bucky. Who didn't answer. So he used the new number he had for Walker. "Hey, Walker, it's Harris. Yeah, I know I found your number from the poker buddies. Small sitch though, Wilson's presently escorting a very nice non-goddess being around a few museums and she's right she's not harmful but she is a jewel thief.
"He's going with her because she's like seven foot tall and a bit greenish so people panicked. I did let him know but he's being a good, considerate boy. It's not her influence. She knows I saw it, he said I said hi. So yeah... might want to look towards DC maybe. Oh, hey, I heard Bert. Tell Bert I said hi and I remember he owes me a blowjob drink the next time we're in the bar together because he lost the bet. Yeah, please. Just in case?
"I don't have a bad feeling but I know how she is and she's a bit...loose and I don't want Sam hurt. Dude, with the way things happen around me, they might give it to *me* if he falls. You might ask Bucky, someone tried that two years ago after the LA invasion. Sure, let me know. No, I'm fine," he lied. "Bit sore this morning but I'm good. I'm just in Oregon. Thanks, man." He hung up and wiggled to get comfortable on the chair, staring at the tv.
John hung up. "Hey, Bert?" he called, making one of the ones they were fighting flinch and stare at him. "Xander said you still owe him a drink for losing the bet. He's laid up in Oregon and wanted us to pay attention to the really tall being Wilson's escorting around DC because people panicked."
Yelena winced. "Is she a goddess or something?"
"He didn't say. He did say she was a jewel thief. He said he warned him but he's in Oregon."
She nodded. "That's charming he's keeping her out of trouble and away from the panicking sort." They finished rounding up the arms dealers. Alexei was very amused at that. "How did he get your number?"
"He said a poker contact. I have no idea." He shrugged. "But maybe he'll let us know if things are going on."
"Hopefully." They finished up and handed over the idiots before heading for the jet. Bob had sat out. Ava had sat out, she was having a glitchy pack and was having an unstable form day. So it was the three of them this time. It had been enough. They had handled it easily enough.
And then someone set off an explosion so they all ducked and looked, staring at that area.
"Who was that?" John called to the locals, heading back there at a rapid stomp. "Want help? Need help evacuating?"
"We have no idea," one of the locals said with a head shake. "Or what that building is."
Yelena looked then shook her head. "No idea either. It's not something I recognize." She walked past them. "We can go clear victims." That got a nod and the guys followed her to do that. They found out why. Someone had destroyed a lab. It looked like a coworker had disputed how they did things. They had solved the issue the easy way, by blowing them all up. Including himself.
"Oh, that's not good." She blocked people, backing up. "No," she ordered. "Clear the area! Someone blew up their own lab on purpose!" They got out of there, alerting the locals. She stopped one. "The lab is on the fifth floor. The people have visible gunshot wounds, all but the one holding the gun, and his suit coat has a pinned note saying to not come in, there's radiation, they were making monsters so he fixed his lab."
"Oh, crap," he muttered, calling that in. The locals pulled back to helping the others in the building. People with hazmat suits got there to go look at it.
"Radiation," one announced. He looked at Yelena, who shrugged. "Decontam shower. Don't go near a single person until then. We can do it here."
"Please. I don't want to glow in the dark. Then I'd never get any sleep."
He nodded, getting them treated for that. Their clothes got bagged up to be taken care of later. They got escorted back to the plane and that was nicer. They could leave. They relaxed while she flew, including her letting autopilot help a lot.
By the time they got back to the tower they all had headaches and security was waiting as soon as she put the jet onto the landing spot. A bit crookedly this time. They opened the jet, bringing them to the infirmary level. Which wasn't as cheery as it had been. The docs there had been alerted about the radiation exposure and what the people there were finding out.
"We need to learn how to bust those the correct way," John said from his bed.
"I have no idea," Yelena admitted. "I just blow them up usually. Ask Bucky?"
"I was going to." She nodded, sinking down when the nurse came over to make her rest. "Was it a particular type of radiation?" he asked the nurse coming to make him rest too.
"Not sure yet. They identified it was non-nuclear and it was probably organic." He grimaced. "Could have been space related though."
"Charming." She smiled and nodded. "I'm fine."
"You need to rest. I know you're not a good patient."
"No I am not. Olivia called me a bitch more than once when I had a cold," he admitted. She nodded, tucking him in. "I'm fine."
"I'm sure you're going to be a man and say that," she told him with a nod, going to check on Alexei, who at least had the sense to rest. He was snoring so hadn't passed out.
Bob rushed in. "What happened?" he demanded. "Are you guys okay?"
"We're fine," John said, talking calmly and slowly so Bob would calm down. "We got exposed to a tiny bit of radiation helping get people out of a building that had an explosion. We're fine. We all probably have the same headache I do. Alexei's snoring so he's fine. Just...calm down. No need to panic." Bob scowled at him. He smirked at that. "Seriously, be calm in a situation because panicking never helps." Bob huffed but checked on Yelena first since she wasn't trying to calm him down.
"It's fine, he's right. I do have a great headache but nothing else. We did the decontamination shower there. We're going to be just fine in a few hours. All right? Can I get my tablet from my room?" she called.
"There's a chance we'd have to destroy it," the nurse called back. "If you leak radiation on it."
"Oh, okay. Can I have something to read then?" They got her the book cart they had in there for the boring times between missions. She picked out something and settled in to read, looking at Bob. "It's okay. Tell Bucky we're fine." He rolled his eyes at her trying to keep him calm too.
"Seriously, Bob. Go call Bucky. You can fuss in a few minutes," she ordered. He went to do that from the hallway, and check on Ava, who was in her special chamber to help her steady her form. She sighed, getting into the book she'd never normally read. She really had to up the library cart down here for later needs.
***
In DC, Bucky was standing up to give an argument on something when his phone rang. He looked at it. "Oh, that's not good." He hit ignore then looked at his notes. "I've got about thirty seconds before he calls back umm. Where was I?" His phone rang so he handed the notes over and went into the hall. "Is there a battle?" he asked in greeting. He knew people could hear in the hearing room. He leaned on the wall, one leg coming up to brace against the wall.
"Bob, what do you mean they got radiated in a lab explosion?" he demanded. "They were just busting some arms dealers!" He calmed himself. Then he nodded as he listened. "Okay. I can show up to do that. The nurse wanted to know what? I have no idea. I'm assuming John's medical power of attorney is still with Olivia. I know Alexei is Yelena's so his is probably with her or Melina.... Oh, no phone.
"Okay. I don't have her number," he realized. "Yup, I'll be up there soon. Can I show up with anything like chicken soup or anything? Yeah, I'm like that too, Bob. You get me in medical and I growl. Okay. Just wait on me, I'll be up in a few hours, basically flight time. I'll try to get hold of Melina on the way. Just...don't freak out. It doesn't sound *horrible* but maybe a bit dangerous.
"Yes, if they're asking about medical power of attorney they think it's serious, Bob. I'll be up as soon as I can." He hung up and sighed then leaned in. "I've gotta go back to the tower," he called. "Sorry." He walked off, nearly stomping, looking pissed off. He used his phone in the car he had summoned. He wasn't going to drive today. He could pick up his car in a few days. Xander didn't have her number. And he noted what had happened according to the news. Then he had a suggestion.
"Why use 'sacra'?" he asked as he typed back. Xander admitted he had no idea what it meant but it had gotten the attention of one of the girls before when he had to evacuate one from something. "Okay, sure. Thanks, Xander." He sent that and then put up a tweet.
//M. Vostokoff, do call me immediately please,// he noted. //There was an incident on a Thunderbolts mission. I have no idea how to contact you otherwise but was told to pout the tag 'sacra' in here to help with that.// He put the tag and then sent it to his twitter. He called Olivia. "It's Bucky. He's not injured," he said at her indrawn breath.
"But apparently they were on an arrest and someone blew up a lab nearby so they stepped in to help with evacuations. Until they ran into the lab that was the cause and the radiation there. So far, Bob said he's got a headache. Yeah, I turn into the same grumpy bitch in medical, Olivia. I have no idea if he has his phone or not.
"Bob said they handed Yelena a book instead of a tablet. Please. The nurses asked and Bob admitted he had no idea and you probably still have it legally unless he's signed them to someone else. Please. Thank you." He hung up, answering the other call coming in. "Melina, Bucky." He listened to the Widow hand that over.
"Hey, Melina. No, there was an explosion near there that turned out to be a lab of some kind or another. Bob wasn't with them and he didn't know. He said they got exposed to radiation and the nurses are asking about medical power of attorney. I figured either you or Yelena had it, but she's in there in a bed too so whoever had hers, which is probably Alexei, would get deferred to. Which I'm figuring is you.
"Please. Thank you. I have no idea. I'm on my way to the airport. I think." The cabby nodded at that. "Thanks, man." He listened. "No idea, Melina. I know Bob said John's going to be a bad patient, they handed Yelena a book instead of a tablet, and Bob's stressing hard. That is literally all I know at this moment, though it may be on the news.
"That's how Bob found out apparently. Please. I'll be up there within a few hours, just flight time and waiting on the plane time. Yup. Let me know, and give me a good way to contact you please? Just in case the unthinkable happens?" He hung up then erased that tweet before it could get archived. No one else needed to be part of this right now.
Bucky was worried but he could control that. He had good control of that. He'd just beat a bathroom wall in the airport for a few seconds to remember he had good control of his temper if he had time. He paid the cabby before getting out, including a tip, then walked inside looking determined.
The airport guard looked at him oddly. He waved a hand on his way to the ticket desks. One didn't have a line. They also didn't do flights to New York, they went to Newark but not New York City. A four person wait was the shortest so he joined that line. He stepped up. "I need to get to New York as soon as I can please. It's a medical thing. A friend's in medical."
The check in agent nodded, looking that up. "We're booked for the next three flights so that'd put it overnight."
"Can you check any others?" he asked.
"No, I'm not able to check another airline's, sir." She looked to the side at the nearest one. "Flight to New York?"
"I'm in line," the person in front of her noted.
"Sorry, ma'am, I need to get up there, someone's in medical." She snorted, glaring at him. He stared back. "I'm not trying to be rude, ma'am." He looked at that one, handing over his debit card when she nodded. "Soon?"
"Standby in thirty, maybe a hope there. If not, it's in an hour and a half, Mr. Barnes."
"That'll be fine. Thank you, ma'am." He let her have his ID and she ran the ticket for him so he could get through the security line. The TSA agent gave him a dirty look when he headed for the hand-wand line. "Prosthetic," he noted. He took off his jacket, showing the arm underneath the button up he was wearing.
"You might have to take that off." He did that and held it out so they could scan it and then do him. The agent winced but did get him through the line easily enough. Bucky got his arm back with a nod for the x-ray tech guy and headed for the gate, breaking into a jog. It was halfway back to Baltimore.
He got there in time to be put in as a standby person in a middle seat in the cattle class in the back of the plane. He nodded at the ones he sat down between, staring at the tiny dog. He petted it gently on the head then buckled himself in.
He had his jacket, his wallet, his phone, he'd be fine. For the whole hour and a half the flight took. Sure, he was smashed between two people but sometimes you had to deal with stress. He calmed himself, doing the deep breathing exercies his therapist had taught him.
"Nervous flier?" the woman with the dog asked.
"No, ma'am. Just a bit stressed. A friend's in medical."
"Oh. That poor person." She let him pet her dog again when he wanted to. He was very nice to her dog. The other person already had on his noise canceling headphones and was ignoring everyone.
Bucky stared at the reporter staring at him, raising an eyebrow. She shrank down and turned around again. He sighed, petting the nice little chinese crested dog. It'd keep him calm since he hadn't gotten to hit a bathroom wall.
***
In Germany Melina looked up from the news reports she was scanning. "It figured that this was payback for trying to help. People never appreciate ones trying to help," she complained. She called Yelena's phone but no answer. "Of course she doesn't have it with her," she admitted. "They're probably in quarantine."
So she hacked in and found the medical team's computers, staring at the one who was sitting at the desk. "I am Alexei's and Yelena's contact," she said. "And probable medical power of attorney if they have not designated someone else recently. Are they well?"
"We're hoping," he said. "Ma'am," he called. "Someone's calling."
She came in. "You are?"
"Melina Vostokoff." She stared at the nurse. "At one point in time, Alexei and I went on a long term undercover mission with Yelena and another Widow to spy."
Bob leaned in. "You're the one she calls Mom?" She nodded. "That's great! John's headache just got bad enough he asked for tylenol."
"Yelena could be missing her head and not admit it. That is how we are trained," she said. "You must be Bob." He nodded, looking relieved. "It is pleasant to meet you, Bob. I'll try to be up soon to visit those two. It figured they got paid back for helping this way though."
Bob nodded. "Sometimes people are like that." He went back to fuss at them. "Yelena, your mom's kinda chill."
She got up with a groan, going in there. " Mom."
"Yelena. Are you well?"
"Eeehhhh," she admitted then shrugged, staring at her. "They're giving us looks like they expect us to mutate suddenly."
"I will be up there soon. Bucky is on his way up. Did Alexei write out his wishes?"
"I have no idea. I haven't been in his desk. I might run into those racy pictures some elderly but pretty woman sent him." Melina sighed with a head shake. "She was pretty and they were artistic instead of Playboy." She shrugged a bit. "I don't want to run into them again though. We're probably going to be fine by what they've said."
She stared at her. "That's fine, dear. I'll be up there soon."
"Figure out what they were doing? One of them shot the others in the lab and then set it off. I saw the note on his jacket." She got taken back to bed. "I'm fine," she told that nurse.
"I'm sure you are, but you need to rest."
"I'm not really tired."
"Oh well. Get back in bed." She went back in there. "If you find out what they were doing, do let us know? We're only going on what they've told us and that was light radiation exposure. That's all we know so far."
"I can be up there by tomorrow to make sure of things."
"Can you feed her guinea pig for her?"
"Why does she have a guinea pig?" Melina asked, looking confused.
"She rescued it from a lab she was blowing up apparently." Melina sighed, shaking her head. "It's a very nice one. It lets anyone pet it."
"I can feed it in the morning. After I find out what they eat." She hung up, going to figure out what had happened while arranging how to get into the US quietly. She'd have to blow a favor or three to do it without notice. They didn't really want her in the US. She was a bit wanted.
***
Sam was walking into an event, which he didn't mind being at, he did support this charity. A reporter got to him first. "What do mean do I know what happened to the New Avengers?" he asked. She blinked. "What happened to them?" he prompted.
"There was a building explosion near where they were and they went in to help evacuate people," she said, weathering his stare at her. "Then the ones evacuating people got sent out suddenly and hazmat people showed up. There was talk of radiation. Senator Barnes got interrupted while he was arguing something and headed up immediately. He put up some sort of cryptic tweet to get someone else too."
"Okay, I did not hear that," Sam said with a slight nod. "But I'll call and make sure they're fine and if they're not, I'll head up after this to help with stuff for them. Thank you for letting me know." He went inside to make that call. He ignored one other reporter. "Not yet," he called. "Gotta check in." That one pouted but oh well.
"Bucky, man, what happened?" he asked as he walked in. He let the security team hand wand him, hand still holding the phone. "Hold on, guys, I need to finish this," he said when one tried to take it. "Yeah, I can be up there tonight, Bucky. Sure. Let me know if I need to bring up anything. Nope, charity. Yes that one. Sure. Let me know." He hung up and tucked it into his pocket.
"Sir, no phones allowed."
"Sorry, I'm on call. I have to have it with me." He walked past them, heading inside with a nod for the matron. Who smiled at him. "Are we doing okay?"
"We're doing okay, Sam. Is that team okay?"
"I talked to Bucky just now, he said they're in medical, have headaches, and are complaining hard about being in there."
"So they're all being men?"
He nodded. "Probably. It's just Walker, Alexei, and Yelena in there though."
"That's fine. Is your phone at least turned down." He checked, doing that, and let it go back into his pocket. "Good boy." She patted him on the cheek. "That being?"
"Was pretty nice but she's apparently a jewel thief of some kind or another. I alerted the agents stalking us after that. That way they can pay attention if she comes back to visit the museums for any reason."
"That's good, Sam." She walked off happier. He went to get a drink and talk to people he did like. He liked this charity. He was a bit worried but it'd be fine. He was sure it'd be fine. Nothing else had killed Bucky yet, and this wasn't even him being in medical. He'd handle it. He was sure he would. Even if he lost his temper at fussing people.
***
Story notes:
Yeah, I forgot the Halloween story. Sorry!