The Things You Do With Elves.
The King of the Horde for the bank in Paris sighed as he stared at the most troublesome human. He didn't like working with the cursebreakers at all but this time, he had no choice. "We owe the Fae Queen a debt," he told him.
Alex Dumass just nodded at that. "I owe one of her knights two. They do cheat at poker but no one's willing to risk a war with them to call them on it. I blocked all magic at the table and the knight threw a hissy of the ages."
"We have apparently found our way into confiscating the remains of her childhood home."
Alex nodded slowly at that. "Want me to have my mates do the research to find it?"
"We didn't record who did it or where it came from. It's in Vault 96. Which, I'm sure you're aware is full of things that need to be sorted out. We can't even use a discernment spell in there."
"Isn't that the sort of thing the younger specialists in training were supposed to handle *years* ago?"
"Then we lost most of them to that bubble."
"Which we told you how to cure," he quipped back. He smirked at the stare. "When I was a rookie myself. Patricks and I both told you how to fix it."
"I need to look that up." He grimaced. "Your mates would be helpful in that search. One could notate and the other can probably tell Fae things." Alex shook his head. "Veela can do that."
"Pure and half veela can do that. Draco's grandmother was a pure veela. He can tell colors of energy streams but nothing that delicate. Emilia probably couldn't either. I'm not sure if she was taught that."
The king grimaced. "We really must find things to give to her at Camelot."
Alex sighed. "They're both in college for the next month and a half before break. I can take the newer specialists and their trainees into the huge old vault of doom and teach them how to sort things and how to use the telling glasses and the like if you want. But you're going to be paying me *greatly* since my former work vault is right next door and it had to be taken from my care due to something I was working on going rogue suddenly one night."
"We did?"
"I had Vault 98 to work in because I had a whole lot of bigger things I had to figure out the origins of. Including that scale set." The king winced but nodded. "And then someone outside woke all that up at once and we went into a sub-realm for a month. Well, you guys did. I was at home resting the migraine it was giving me by talking to me constantly." He grinned at the horrified look. "Which is across the hall from Vault 96 if I remember right. Is it even safe to go in there?"
"I have no idea," he admitted. "Take Bill Weasley and his wife to see?"
"Fleur may be able to tell Fae things," he decided. Then sighed. "All the specialists who're in training. Including those in apprenticeships in the storehouses. That's their job, really it is." He gave him a pointed look. "Arens, me, Bill and Fleur. It'll take us years and we'll all be getting specialist level pay, top level specialist level pay, until we get it all sorted like it should've been done all along."
The king sighed. "It's a diplomatic necessity."
Alex grinned and nodded. "I realize that. I know where two of them are right now because they're in the display." He waved a hand in that direction with a grin. "It's very obvious. They glow." The king whined. That display was put together by a former king and was considered untouchable. Alex grinned and nodded. "We can do the sorting job they should've had the trainees do long ago."
The king nodded. "I'll talk to King Ragnok later about that."
"Fine. Let me go talk to Bill and Fleur so we can just test to see if that hallway's safe yet." He walked off, going to the cursebreaker only areas that were linked via doorway portals. He walked into the one where Bill was training a group and grinned at them. "So," he said, clapping his hands then rubbing them. "We've got trainees to help us, don't we?"
Bill stared at him. "That look scares me," he said bluntly.
Alex grinned at him. "The king of the Paris Horde got told to find all the Fae things and hand them back to the Fae queen please. They're in the vaults. Specifically probably 96. Which no one ever sorted out." He smiled at the trainees.
"It's probably not dangerous work at least. Though we have to check the vaults around there because they are. One used to be my work vault because I had some huge things I found. Which woke up. And sent the bank into a sub-realm somehow for a month."
He smirked at them. The trainee class shuddered. "It should be safer now. But we've got to sort, notate, and have things moved to their proper placement. It's been going on for *decades*. So wear a dust mask, people." He smiled.
They all whined. "Yup, yay. At least we pay for this sort of shit work. It's work for trainees. In this case, specialist trainees. We'll get you used to what we use to tell various magic types. Like the glasses Bill uses."
Bill nodded, looking amused. "Why do they have to hand it back?"
"It came from the Fae Queen's childhood home. So we have to find it all, give it back to Camelot, and then forget we went there again."
"We know where it is?" one asked, raising her hand slightly.
Bill nodded. "Always have. They have a few storage vaults here too somewhere." He looked at his mentor and friend. "What about Draco?"
"That was his grandmother, not him. And he's got school for another month."
"Damn. Granger could keep track of the notes," he complained, leaning on the desk. "When do we start?"
"We need to check the hallway first." He smirked at him. "And it'll probably wake up again thanks to us."
"Probably. I avoid that whole part of the bank if I can," Bill said dryly. "Working in the tombs in Egypt means that I read of their energy and it'll think I'm friends." A few winced. "No, you lot won't be on our teams down there for years yet. You gotta learn a lot more first.
"Getting hands on with the artifacts and stuff will help with that. You'll learn a lot. I did when I fell into one and had to find a way out." Alex patted him on the back with a grin. Bill swatted him. "I've got 'em for another hour. We can go look after that."
"Okay." He looked at the kids. "So what're they learning today, Bill?"
"How not to become the bogarts in the closet," he said dryly. "Literally in a few cases."
Alex went to look in that closet and got the kids free of it, making them sob in thanks before someone took them to the infirmary. He checked and freed others from things and then went to help Bill train the next generation of people dumb enough to be a cursebreaker like they were.
When he was done with the class, he went with Alex downstairs with Fleur showing up to join them. Fleur looked at one doorway. "Oh, shut up!" she shouted in Egyptian. "Really! You're in the bank and safe!" That got different shouting. Which was giving her a headache.
Alex popped the lock and leaned in. "Beings, stop it please. We have to go into the big cavern to go sort things out to find someone's childhood stuff. If you annoy Fleur, she'll put you in to be put back, and the muggles will destroy you all because they don't know about magic. Clear?" They all made pouty noises.
"Thanks!" He looked at one thing in the corner then went in to get it, putting it in the hallway. "There, that'll help." He shut the vault again, making the goblin with them gasp that he had done that. He grinned at him. "I solved case two. Of course I know how to open them!" He smirked. "Even blood keys."
Fleur looked then sighed. "That's Loki's isn't it?"
"Yup, sure is," Bill said with a nod. "Used to sit in his classroom or office in my day."
"It's holding his former wife," Alex told them. Making them both sigh at that. "Someone froze her so he had a tomb built but made it portable so his father didn't get near her again." He walked over to that vault, staring in there once it was open. "Oh, hell!"
Fleur looked over his arm and sighed. "All that?"
"We've got to sort it to the storehouses," Bill told her. "Which is Specialist work, not our sort of breaker's work."
"Oh, we know," Alex said dryly. "The King of the Paris horde told me that they're all stuck in that bubble. I pointed him at the solution again."
"We tried that," the goblin guard told them. "It sucked in the one who went there."
"He was missing his wife," Alex said dryly. "So he's with her." The guard slumped, staring at him. He grinned and nodded. "You can pop those. You really can. Patricks and I both figured out how to do it the easiest and safest way. Sonny went on his own to be with Solange."
"Sonny didn't have a clue how to pop magic bubbles," Bill said, looking at him then at the guard. "You sent a level five breaker?"
"He was expendable at that time and wanted his wife back."
Alex nodded at that with a grin. "Send someone like Hovart with written instructions so he can't half-ass it and do it wrong because it felt like it should be there instead."
"I can suggest that," the guard said. "How bad is it?" They let him see it and he groaned. It was a cavern the size of a village filled with boxes, furniture, and things. There was probably no indexes of anything in there. "Someone will have fun."
"That's why there's trainees," Bill and Alex quipped, cracking Fleur up.
"Specialists do the storage houses," Alex quipped. "Get them and we'll show them how to use the telling glasses and things." He smirked. "They need to know anyway. They need it long before they put on the kinky black leather outfits they wear."
Fleur looked at him oddly. "They're not that kinky."
"Bull," Bill said with a grin for his wife. "I've seen kinky people who wear less kinky leather than they do." She blushed. Alex nodded to back that up. "Especially in that one bar we had to get that statue out of," Bill told Alex, who just grinned.
Alex grinned at her. "Kink club. Whole lots of chains and tied up people doing the bidding of the statue that was telling them how to entertain him."
She shuddered, hugging herself. "I don't need to know."
"I have no idea how you guys missed those sort of calls," Alex said, looking at Bill. "Who are they sending on those?"
"Specialists I hope. They're already in leather. Better them than me." He looked at his wife. "Alex told him he had no imagination and gave him a better idea or six. Which made the statue splutter and lose control." She whined, shaking her head. "They were horrified that things like that could go on in front of it."
Alex smirked at her. "It wasn't even kinky things, Fleur. It was just slightly more than usual sex. It was a prude when it was alive."
She was still blushing and shaking her head, walking into the vault to get away from them. "This is stretched too far, guys. The spell's starting to fail."
"Charming," the guys complained together, going to shore that up before they all got crushed by some tacky furniture that was probably magically sentient. Or nibbly, that happened a lot with magic furniture when it felt too used. The guard called that information up to the king so they could get Hovarts to go fix that problem. That way the trainee cursebreakers weren't warped the way Bill Weasley had been.
***
Harry looked at his coach. "I have nine thousand problems and eighty percent are because there's a time bubble in Greece holding a lot of cursebreakers hostage."
"Nine thousand?" he asked dryly.
"We have to sort out a nine thousand square foot cavern full of stuff to identify anything Fae in it to give it back." The coach winced. "Which is one of nineteen of those. They had to modify the spell stretching it because it was the size of a village and was starting to shrink in again. The trainee cursebreakers and specialists are all cocky and nearly got the whole group eaten earlier by an arm chair from a drawing room in the main palace area that had been a diplomatic gift from a magic user in Germany."
The coach stared at him oddly. "Why?"
"The specialists never got around to it," he said dryly, then smirked. "Now we have to! To give back former Fae possessions that we somehow ended up with." He shrugged but smirked. "I swear I'm going to send Ron to go break that bubble so we can get back all the specialists we're missing. It's been fifty years but the magical world doesn't change that much. They'll be fine coming back from that with a bit of therapy."
The coach patted him on the arm. "Want a night off practice?"
"Hell no! The rest of the team needs it." A few of them pouted but their main chaser laughed and nodded. "And I could use the stress relief. Before I go offer to babysit the Weasley twins' kids. They'd love playing in there probably, even though they can't walk yet." He grabbed his broom to go warm up in the air. "C'mon, people, before I have to do all the jobs myself again." They went to join him and the coach followed to hopefully calm Harry down a bit. He was becoming a drama queen again.
Harry decided that was a great idea he had just had so he'd ask his grandfather later to write out instructions.
***
Ron Weasley looked at the detailed instructions he had been given. He found the right spot, the right weak spot, because there were three as noted, and cast at that one spot the spell that Bill had taught him. The bubble popped with a light show and then faded slowly back into the ground.
The cursebreakers were staring around then at him. "Alex Dumass said that he's tired of doing you lot's job," he called with a grin and a wave. "Including finally sorting out the storage caverns. It's been fifty-two years. King Ragnok is in charge of everything and rehabbing the London bank's horde."
"Dumass lived that long?" one asked, looking amused.
"Not exactly. He was deaged for fifteen years in there thanks to Dumbledore." He grinned. "He's dead by the way. The second blood war's done with. Come move furniture, guys." He waved at them to join him. "I've got a portkey."
"We've got that one thing."
Ron looked at the demon. "Yo, I'm calling a slayer! There's two of them now! They're both stressed out and without a boyfriend. Do you really wanna keep doing this?" It whined and left. "Thanks!" He waved at that spot then looked at the staring specialists in black leather. "Coming back to London?"
"Yeah," the head one said with a nod. "We probably should check in." They got everyone back to the London bank and let them be checked over then made a report.
Ron grinned at the king. "I offered to call the stressed out, boyfriendless slayers if he kept it up." He left, going to tell Bill he had succeeded. Which meant Xander got free of something holding him and Bill hostage and threw the statue at a wall to make it behave again. Ron handed him the staff that had been beside where he was held, letting him handle it all he wanted to. Ron didn't want to do that. He was correct in not being a cursebreaker.
Aurors only dealt with stupid people, not stupid other things.
***
Xander looked at the Fae Knight he had summoned, who was his poker buddy. "Yeah, I'll pay you in a few weeks," he told him as he appeared. "But instead, I've got stuff for your queen. Specifically Alamanda."
The knight took off his helmet to look at him. "That's the old queen, Harris."
"I know that. The new one's stuff is still being found. So is the local Fae queen's stuff that was stored by the bank," he said dryly. He held up something. "Including her collection of hearts in pretty boxes. So can you get me there so I can hand them back to her? I can attempt diplomatic because Ragnok asked me politely and conned me into it. It was me or Harry and Harry doesn't know the protocol stuff. And can't get free of time stretching like I can." He grinned.
The knight just nodded. "Let me ask my queen if she'll talk to her aunt." He left and came back an hour later with a sigh. "She said her aunt would not want those back." Xander held up a bottle, letting him test it. "Oh, that's from her husband."
"It's the marriage bottle he made for her by what's on the tag."
The knight winced. "That she may want."
"She has that, she gets it all. I can let your present queen hand it back if she wants. That would be fine if that's what she wants. We don't want a war with them for having found stuff. Which is how I got conned into delivering this because I found the stash of hearts in pretty jewelry boxes. Someone hid them in Crossinggrove."
"I know of that manor." He sighed but took Xander with him once Xander had quick changed into wizarding clothes and fussed at his hair.
Xander bowed to the current queen, who smirked at him. "Your Majesty, the Queen of the Fae in Ireland demanded her things back that we found, mostly from her childhood home, so the specialist cursebreakers went through the storage area we never got around to sorting out. We found some things that belonged to the former queen here and a few of yours as well. I come bearing the bank's apology."
He put the box on the table the knight had appear for him. "Thank you, Sir Marcus." He looked at her again. "I can give them back to the personages myself if you wish or let you send messengers, whichever way works best for you. But we didn't mean to or want to keep anything Fae related as it would bother the treaty the bank has with the Fae community."
"You are the most weird feeling human," she said dryly, her voice like dry leaves being blown around.
He grinned. "I was under a curse for fifteen years. I got deaged and put into Sunnydale by Dumbledore. It's only been broken for three years now. So I carry my type of magic, the other types I learned, hellmouth taint, and a lot of other energies that make me feel weird to most everyone who can tell magic." He grinned. "Thankfully my mates enjoy me anyway."
"I can see why. You are amusing."
He grinned and nodded. "Hermione really does enjoy stories of me getting into the weirdest things ever as a cursebreaker."
She blinked a few times. "I thought you were the slayer's backup."
"I am. That's who I got deaged into, Xander Harris. I'm also Alexander Mikhal Dumass, cursebreaker." He grinned at the gasps to the side. "What? I was never against your kind. And I still didn't debouch her, she came to me, not the other way around!"
He looked at the queen again, shrugging some. "Some young one wanted something other than her arranged marriage. So she found me in a tomb while hiding and pounced to make her ineligible." He shrugged slightly. "I had no idea who she was. I testified as to that in her court hearing." He looked over there again then at her again. "Some people have long memories."
"Yes, you were known to be amusing before," the knight beside him admitted. "I had no idea about that, Harris."
Xander grinned at him. "I've only become my special Dumass self again in the last four years. I had to help the grandson, Harry. He pulled me back but because of that I did meet my mates."
"Why do you feel of unicorn energy?"
"I got stabbed by a knife holding three-hour-old foal unicorn blood by my dirty little chaos using brother Justinius. It took me four months to heal from that."
She blinked a few times. "I know of him as well."
"I've tried to remove that stain to the family a few times," he said dryly. "Some family ghosts stopped me the last time."
"I should nag them," she decided with a hand wave in the air. "What of mine do you have?" He opened the box and put things on the table in front of her, which expanded for him nicely. He handed two to the knight then a third he put in his arms then put two in front of the contents, banishing the box. "Oh!" She came down to see the pictures he had. "My photo album from school?"
He shrugged. "It was found in the same manor, Crossinggrove, in Ireland. Most of this was found there, Your Majesty. We had to detaint that manor so moved all artifacts into our vault to be sorted and stored. Which it never was until last month.
"There's another eight vaults they still have to do but they made a special circuit to make sure we got all Fae artifacts or anything touched by your powers out of there first. I know the photo album was guarded by a couch that bit a few people very badly. One might still lose his leg at the thigh from that Edwardian couch."
"I'm sure Queen Alexandra would've been amused with that." She picked up a few other things to look at. "What's that?"
"A marriage bottle," Xander said quietly. She sighed in despair. "That one went to Lady Moya it says on the tag, if that's to Knight Richard the Fearless."
She looked at the tag, nodding. "It is. Are there others?" He pointed at them. "Oh. So many marriages."
"Two are still around as far as rumors state," Xander offered. "I can hand them back to the remaining parts of the couple if you wish. Or you can send someone, or just put them somewhere to be seen. Or unseen I guess."
She looked at him. "You're nervous?' she asked with a smile.
"My tact usually only lasts for a half-hour and I can feel the pull of my mate, who is quarter-veela, so he's worried."
"Oh. That makes more sense." She stopped the time stretching spell with a wave of magic. "Sorry, forgot that was on there."
He grinned. "At least I'm not like Rip was, ma'am."
"True. Not our sort of Fae either." She sat down, looking at the albums. "I'll have them handed back, Knight Dumass."
He grinned. "Technically I don't have a formal title, Your Majesty, but thank you." He bowed. "If more are found I'll tell the Knight I know of about it. Those three are Royal Heirlooms. Including your husband's baptism crown. That's why I handed them to him."
She moaned. "We couldn't find it."
"We have no idea who put it into that manor house. We just had to detaint the house." She nodded so he left, going to the bank to tell them how it had went. Hermione and Draco were both waiting. "Was it that long?" he quipped.
"Two weeks," Draco told him.
"I was in the Fae court in the States. She'll send someone," he told the king. "She was pleased to get the photo albums back."
"That's good." He blinked at him. "Some are cross-realmal."
"Was it demonically done?" he quipped.
"Yes. Two are demon artifacts of the highest order."
"I can bring them to the local council," he sighed, staring at him. The king smiled at that offer. "They expect me to do that anyway. I have one I have to give back at the newer house." He went to get it and came back with it in a bag. The two plain boxes were handed to him. "C'mon, we'll go do that then get chocolate." Hermione ran a checking spell over him. "I'm fine, Hermione."
"I'm sure you are, but you have a funny energy reading."
"Yeah, being exposed to Fae energy makes ours rebalance weirdly to the right and toward sun energy for some reason. I need to go celebrate a moon dark to get back into balance." He grinned at them. "I can teach you how to revel." He took them with him, going to the local council. He kicked the door in. "Sorry, hands are full," he quipped loudly at the gasps. "The bank found a few artifacts." He stared at one. "Why do we have your egg?"
"I have no idea," he admitted. "Which egg, Harris?" He handed over the bag from home. "Oh!" He stared at it. "When did this disappear?"
"It was in my office the last time I was at the new house." He grimaced. "I don't need kids yet."
"Thank you for guarding it."
"It sat on a pillow and was protected from the cats nudging it," he said. "I was handing things back to the Fae queen in the States."
"We can tell," the head of the Council said dryly. "You reek of their perfume."
"Your stuff was stored with some of theirs." He handed over the boxes. "From King Ragnok. We have no idea why it was found in the same manor house in Ireland with stolen Fae items."
The head of the Council blinked her five eyestalks a few times. "It was where?"
"Crossinggrove Manor. With theirs."
"That's weird." She opened the top box and stared. "Oh, that's a peace treaty piece from our treaty with them." She looked in the other box and nearly died from the energy. Her assistant hurried up to close it. She sighed as she relaxed again. "Agnar's Balls," she announced. "They were in a house with Fae things?"
"Stolen Fae things," he corrected. "Some were marriage contract bottles."
"I'm glad we didn't find them. It would've been a great insult." She stroked the box with the balls. "We will see who stole them from our end. That way we can make sure it's not done again."
"If it's my brother, let me know so I can kill him this time? Des's ghost stopped me last time."
She nodded. "Gladly. Though it doesn't feel like chaos magic. We will find out. Thank you, Harris, and your mates." She nodded at Hermione, who curtseyed, then at Draco, who bowed slightly. "You chose well. They mirror the intelligence you hide so well."
He grinned at that. "They're great at it too." He took them with him with the wave of the staff he had kept.
"Was that the Staff of Horus?" she asked. A few nodded. She sighed. "That figures." She got the guardians of the temple that had the balls as a holy relic in to get them. They had to figure out how that had happened so it wouldn't start another war with the Fae.
***
Alex walked into a storehouse with a sigh, grabbing things as the Specialists in there were horrified. He waved a hand at one of them coming over. "Stupid shit is going to happen. It'll be a war. I'm stopping it the easy way," he said, giving him a dirty look. "Before I have to destroy the earth."
"Are you possessed?" he asked nicely with a supportive smile.
"No. Don't you fucking wish, dude. Especially since your sister's starting it." He grabbed another thing then summoned something that had to come from farther away. He caught it and stuffed it into the bag then something that he had worked on once. He walked off putting that one in his pocket.
"Quit stealing from my work vault, people. Things in there are super dangerous and stored for a reason. Otherwise I would've fixed it already." He disappeared from the doorway once he was outside the wards. The Specialists called that in. If Dumass was arming up for a war with artifacts, it was probably horrible.
***
Alex appeared, looking at the people starting shit. "Oh hell no!" he said firmly and loudly. They stared at him. He pulled out a few things to open and throw between the groups. He had to search for one but it finished the shielding and confinement spells. He dropped the bag, one thing still in hand. "We're not doing this, people."
They looked at each other then at him. "We're having a peaceful diplomatic talk, human," the Fae one said.
Alex snorted, nodding. "Yeah. Sure you are."
"We are," the other Fae person said.
Alex looked at the other side. "Do I have to turn back into Xander today?" he asked dryly then smirked. "I can probably do that." That side looked horrified. He nodded at that. "Because the alarms all over Canada are going off and you're in Denver, Colorado. Also, you're going to set off things like the gateway up the road by about an hour."
"What gateway?" the Fae diplomat demanded.
The demon one coughed to clear his throat. "A Gateway of the Ancients. With the snaked ones. The US has a program that's been using it to see what else is out there."
Xander nodded. "It's an hour away from here. Since you guys have armed up so hard that there's alarms going off on the East Coast of Canada...." He waved a hand. "Let's not do that here. I already fought one invasion in the last year." He paused. "And a bit. It was like fourteen months ago." He looked at them again. "Let's not."
"We have no intention of that."
"And yet...." He waved the thing in his hand to put up a reading of the magic in the area. It showed the various streams of power by color. "I see Demonic, Ancient demonic from the times before human domination....I see Fae...." He looked at both sides again. Aurors appeared outside the shield. "Stay there!" he ordered. "I've got a protection up!" One auror touched it but screamed in pain. "I warned your asses." He looked at the sides again. "So? Are we going to be *peaceful* or diplomatic?"
"Both?" the Fae diplomat said. Then he tried to attack. The demon tried just after him. Xander threw the thing in his hand up and it went off in the air. It bathed the area in anti-magic. They screamed but the Fae one had to hold his chest. "How dare you, human!"
"Not fully human if I'm being honest." He grinned. "Mermaid taint, possessions, marked by gods. Tired of this shit. Because I'm not fighting what you guys are starting off. If you bring problems here to this country, YOU get to fight it. I'm not doing it for you. The aurors aren't doing it for you.
"You're both a problem right this moment. I'm a problem solver. Or was one when I was more tolerant and nice." An auror had disappeared and came back with Giles and Buffy, then with Faith and Wesley. He waved a hand then pulled out his favorite former artifact.
"Now, I'm not that nice or that diplomatic. We're not going to have another war between your two peoples. If I have to be the diplomat," he said with a grin. "I'm going to make the nastiest treaties ever. You'll both suffer for it. Including being married off to each other."
"You're insane," the Fae diplomat warned.
Xander smirked at him. "Am I?" He shifted to lean on thin air but the thing he leaned on appeared.
The demon blinked a few times. "I almost expected that to be your god, Human."
Xander grinned. "Nah, he's busy teaching sex ed to horny teenagers." The one he was leaning on whined at being summoned there. "So," he said, smirking at the one he was leaning on, who was an Elder God from another realm. "They said they're going to be diplomatic but we've had magic alarms going off all over the continent. I've now robbed them of their magic for the next month."
He smirked at the Fae diplomat, who was looking horrified. "You can call your mate to get you home. Like when you're drunk." He looked at the demon, who was wincing. "Yeah, that egg spell, it's still there. I felt it and guarded it. I like your wife and I owe her three poker debts." The elder god whined at that. "I did rescue your prison from the storehouse."
"Thank you, Dumass."
"Welcome." He looked at the elder god again. "So, how can we help them do the diplomatic things and who put you all into that house?"
"The one who stole me from the tomb was a female. Not sure if she was a relative."
"Well, if it was, she's dead." He shrugged. "Got any other guesses? Since that's probably the problem here?" He looked at him.
"The anti-magic field is too strong," the god complained.
Xander grinned at him. "Yeah, maybe, but better safe than sorry, dude. So, who?"
"Marjorie," he sighed. "Maybe."
Alex stared at him then pulled out the wand he had, then cursed him. "The truth?"
The god whined but slumped. "The Horah family."
Xander looked up then at them. "Aren't they a set of you guys together?" he asked. "Which may explain why they stole what they did. Marriage bottles, hearts in boxes, demonic artifacts that're high powered and a treaty that got them married off....." He looked at the Fae one, who was pale. Then at the demonic one. Who was wincing. "So, what're we going to do about that? Because that was probably protecting the family or trying to conceive an heir that wasn't dying when it was born."
The Fae diplomat whined. "I had no idea."
"I figured." He looked at the demonic one.
"The treaty was broken."
"By?" Xander asked.
"The construct clause," he said.
The elder god snorted, shaking his head. "That treaty didn't have one, minion." He got free of Xander, walking over to pull up a copy of the treaty. Alex changed it to the current version. The elder god read it over then pointed. "Still no construct clause."
The demonic diplomat winced and bowed to him. "They demanded we show up to answer for how our things dirtied theirs," he said.
"Yeah, they're arrogant," Xander quipped. "Duh!" The Fae one glared. He glared back. "You can't even deny that without lying and you took a vow to always tell the truth to the Queens you serve." He pointed at her. "I felt her appear a few minutes after the shield went up."
He looked and winced. "No, we can be arrogant," he admitted. "But their things disturbed ours."
Xander sighed, shifting his weight. "They didn't put them there. You didn't put yours there. If it's not either of your faults, then it's the fault of someone else. If it was the Horah clan then you've already cursed them to problems by that treaty and being forced to honor it against their wills.
"They tried to die instead of going into the ceremony." The Fae diplomat winced because he knew that. "Quit blaming others for your own problems that you, and your family, started. Because I'm pretty sure you're related to Sir Mards."
"He's my uncle," he said with a wince. "We did not intend that ceremony to happen but they stopped their person from stopping it and making sure we could restart the battles so it was honorable on us."
The demonic diplomat looked at him. "We expected you to use the honor that you're known for!" he complained with a point.
The elder god looked up then at Xander, who nodded. He cast a portal and waved the Fae queen in. "We must talk," the god told her. "They started this over the artifacts that neither side stole and stored in the same house. As far as I could tell when I was taken there it was someone from the Horah group or one like it."
"There's been three treaties that went that way," she admitted, walking in. Xander closed the portal, getting a nod. "You again."
"Do you know how many alarms went off?" he asked dryly. "Up in Canada. Also, we're an hour travel by car to that gateway project. The thing is a haven of chaos energy as it's mis-set and hooked up to the wrong power source. It's too weak so it's making it warp in weird ways."
The Fae Queen walked back out when he opened the portal and tested things, then whined loudly. "They have the right power source!" she complained.
"Yeah but they're using it to defend us on the space ships," Xander called.
She walked back in. "Can they handle it?"
"They won against the snaked ones." She relaxed and smiled. "But they have a project on Atlantis, where the people eating ones are."
She considered that. "Why?"
He shrugged. "No idea!" He grinned at her. "I'm just stopping this shit. Because they set off my hellmouth. From your side actually."
She tested that way and then sighed, nodding. "I can feel that." She glared at her advisor. Who shrank down. She looked at the god. "Your people have called upon a few other power sources."
"I can tell and they're in trouble."
"Ya think?" Xander asked dryly. "Considering it started the gateway up in Vancouver to open up?"
The elder god felt and sighed loudly, glaring at his people. "That is a sacred area," he growled. "You could endanger the nursery."
"It's in a bubble in a box," Xander quipped. "Has been since I had to protect it back in the late seventies. It's in a vault in Doramata in the temple. With the rest of the stored village area."
The two higher ups looked at him. "Why?" the queen asked.
"Because there was a huge magic battle between two teenage girls that threw around killing curses and hit the temple up there," he said honestly. "It saved them all. The priests asked for help and while I wasn't closest I could do the work."
"Oh, that's good. Can they be saved and released?"
"Yeah, as long as they've healed. The shield over it should fall when the energy corrupting it dissipates. I haven't been there in years so I have no idea if that's happened yet."
The elder god summoned something and asked. It left and brought back pictures. "Thank you," he told the minion. "Wait on me." He went to wait with the others outside the shield. "It's still corrupted but within a few grams of it being safe."
Xander came over to look then pointed. "That's the corruption. Someone put on that block later on. It wasn't there when I looked the last time." He went back to his spot.
The queen looked, touching the picture of the bubbles. "That block can be removed and it'll be weeded out very easily," she told him. "The other...what sort of contamination, Dumass?"
"Radiation from the destroying chaos of multiple killing curses used on the land instead of on people. Type Alpha, Subset Matrix and Sigma from the Native magic users. All stolen by the idiot girls."
The queen winced. "So blood magic on top of that."
He nodded. "Yup. Plus the magic stolen from some house elves, some nature magic that got stolen. One of them had access to a minor imp containing thing because they used that to throw at each other too. It transformed a tree." She slumped and nodded. He looked at the god again. "So. How are we going to fix this particular situation? Before we have a major thing because the Sunnydale hellmouth is linked to the Deeper Well."
The demon god thought about that. "It's not direct."
"It's now sixteen hundred feet from the hellmouth itself. The ground sucked when I broke that seal before it could open."
He sent the minion to check that and it came back looking horrified and nearly crying. Xander patted it so it calmed down. He looked at the pictures then let the queen see it. "They're open. There's tentacles."
"Yeah but that's just the guardian kraken. It'll go away when it doesn't have anyone to pet or try to feel up. It'll probably take a few hours." He grinned. "I got linked to that hole in the ground by the one who deaged me. I thought it was bad when we had visions of Rosenburg calling on that one and the Cleveland one that ripped them so they joined."
The queen stared at him then at the god. "There was a witch that powerful?"
"She's in a coma," Xander said. "Put into one because she's addicted but was pulling on them from Scotland."
The queen looked at her minion, who shrugged. He hadn't heard anything. The demons knew and told her by showing her the page the demonic community kept on her. "That's horrible," she decided, handing the phone back. She sighed, looking at Xander. "You regrew there?"
"Yeah." He nodded with a grin. "I did. Fifteen years there. I'm a protector of it without it asking me. Which makes me a protector of humanity by default." The two higher ups shared a look then nodded with sighs. "So let's do the actual diplomatic things so everyone can go home? Spank a minion? Yell at the aurors waiting to see what's going on?"
He looked then pointed at Faith and then at the doorway. She and Wesley came over, him behind her. He went to talk to her then came back. She went to tell others. The aurors all broke out swearing. He waved with a grin. "Yeah, that's how I feel too when I got summoned to handle it." He looked at them again.
"Summoned?" the lower demon asked then winced.
"Yeah. The hellmouth sent up a shout for help, dude. It got worried about you guys." He looked at the other side. Who also winced at that. He looked at the two higher ups. "Can you two actually work that out?"
"Yes," they said together. "Which manor?" Xander put up a map in the air. They went to look once they were outside the shield. Then came back. They came back in together after nodding at the slayers and watchers.
The queen looked at her people then at the demons. The elder god was sighing in displeasure. "It was not the Horah clan. It was another that got forced. They were trying to summon something."
"Which would have protected those saved bubbles and the others."
"The ones in that temple or the others in Egypt in storage in the museum? The ones in Arbatra?" Xander asked dryly. They stared at him. "The portal's still around. I tripped into it once while drunk. The Houli priests had me kill the thing attacking the Temple of the Princess."
"They're absolute pacifists," the queen said.
"Yeah so they couldn't get the drugged demon that was sicced on that temple by Makar priests. They used the poison from their queen's tears and the nails from a member of the Sofari. They drugged the minor Sogu demon and sent it there."
"Aren't Sogu rare and peaceful as well?" she asked.
The god shook his head. "That poison is deadly to them and it starts by eating their brains. It would've killed him eventually but they would've destroyed everything as they suffered."
Xander nodded. "I was merciful. I got it from behind into the spine and then beheaded. The priests gave him an honoring burial pyre."
"That was good of them," the god said with a nod. "And of you to make sure no one got hurt that didn't need it."
"I try to do that. I'm fair but an asshole." He waved a hand around. "Like today." He grinned.
"We will fix this," the queen ordered.
"Yes we will," the god agreed. "Am I free?"
Xander looked at him. "I don't care what you do as long as you don't make me pen you up again." He gave him a pointed look. "Your brother's teaching theater studies in Ireland."
"Oh, charming. My daughter?"
Xander cleared his throat. "Sofia is somewhere in New Zealand."
"She's moved to a hospital in India as a nurse and religious leader," the lower demon said.
"That's good of her," the god said. He looked at the queen. "Can we retire somewhere safer and less magic constricting to work it out?"
"Yes, we can. I can host if you want to."
"I would enjoy your hospitality."
"Remember to tell the other Fae colonies," Xander quipped with a grin for them. "Because the one in Iran will attack just because she heard."
"True. She is like that. I can send out messages when we get there," she decided, taking his hand to go with him and the others.
Xander released the shield and sighed, looking at the staring people. "They're going to work out things without us staring at them, without opening up a portal to the Deeper Well by accident, and are going to talk about how all that happened in the first place due to older treaty problems. That manor house was full of multiple things that the couple was trying to use to heal the areas that were bubbled apparently."
"There are?" Wesley demanded. Xander nodded. "Why weren't they destroyed then?"
"Why would we destroy a peaceful demon city?" Xander asked patiently. "One that was harmed by something someone magical did that was dumb. Just super dumb. Like the magical fight up north dumb."
"The one from the seventies?" Giles demanded. Xander nodded at that, looking displeased. "Oh, damnation, I read about that."
"And the cities in the area, including that special nursery, were all protected by bubbles afterward and moved somewhere safer to heal from the contamination. Crossinggrove was apparently a couple that was forced together to seal a treaty trying to heal some of that."
Giles nodded at that. "That's a good reason. What did you do?"
"I sent all the magic in there into the ground." He grinned. "It helped. A lot. Because that gateway thingy?" He pointed. "An hour that way, Giles. Alarms were going off all over and the hellmouth itself summoned me for help."
"Oh, fuck me sideways," Wesley muttered, looking down. "That's a good reason to stop all that then. Thank you, Xander."
He grinned. "Welcome!" He waved a hand in the air. "They went to do diplomatic things at that one queen's palace. She's the one over the US by the way, Wes."
"That's good to know. We don't have any identification on the current ones."
"The one in the Isles of Wight is the same," Xander said. "The one in Scotland is her second daughter, not idea where the other kids are. The one in France is bitchy, permanently, there's a curse involved, and she's holding onto the throne because it'll pass on and it kept her from having kids." He grinned. "The bank knows."
"That's good then!" He stared at him. "Are you feeling all right? Your magic was affected as well."
Xander grinned. "I did learn more than one type, Wes. It kinda came in handy doing my former job." He waved a hand and went back to the castle to detaint, relax, and rebuild his other magic.
"How on earth?" Wesley asked Giles, who sighed but nodded.
"Many cursebreakers do," one of the aurors told him. "I have no idea how many that one learned though."
"He said eight, two ritually ones," Buffy offered. Faith nodded to back that up.
"Oh, that's good."
"One's house elf."
"That's even better to know," the head auror for the US agreed. "And could explain how he managed to apparate away." He got the area cleaned up and sent people home since it wasn't an emergency any longer. Then he went to get drunk. A whole lotta drunk.
***
The whole base in Colorado paused as the weird things their gateway was doing stopped suddenly. They sighed in relief of not having more tentacles or anything else coming out. The higher ups looked at the science team so they could figure out what had happened so it couldn't happen again. No one wanted to see petting, amorous tentacles that apparently thought Marines were cute ever again.
***
Daniel and Jack went to talk to the head auror they had met. He was a political appointee but he could probably figure out what magic had infected their gateway and if it was safe to use again. Jack O'Neill sat down in front of him and another man, nodding at him.
"Pleasure to met you, sir. I'm General Jack O'Neill. This is Dr. Daniel Jackson." Daniel smiled and waved. He looked at the auror. "What happened on the eighth? We had a huge backwash of energy through our gateway and then we had petting tentacles that thought our Marines were cute."
"The eighth of this month?" he asked. Daniel handed down pictures. "That's definitely a vine whip of some kind. Let me ask my people. I haven't seen a report." He called one to ask him. Then came back with a sigh. "We had a cursebreaker stopping the newest start of the demonic versus Fae war." He sat down again.
"By his report that he gave to the aurors that responded to it, the Fae side had activated the hellmouth in Sunnydale and your portal both. He did a magic stopping and stripping thing somehow during it to make them stop it and actually talk, then called higher ups to handle it. They did figure it out and fix it, now they're having a diplomatic conference in a Fae palace somewhere."
Jack considered that for a second. "The only cursebreaker we met was Dumass."
"Yes, his name was that," he said with a smile and a nod. "I had them bring a copy of the report to tell us all what happened. That way hopefully we can make sure it can't do it again."
"That would be nice. The tentacles were a bit freaky," Daniel admitted. "Though not as bad as the lights that shined in different colors and bit with different bite patterns as they changed."
"I'm not well versed in that field," he admitted, eyes wide. "Was it perhaps demonic as well?" He cleared his throat. "We can ask."
Daniel looked up. "Xander!" he shouted loudly. Nothing for a second then a young woman appeared, pushing her hair back behind her ears. "Oh, hello. I wanted Xander."
"I just put him into bed again." She smiled. "He's got a broken hand and nose. He got into it with a dragon but it's Draco's turn to fuss. Does Xander know you, sir?"
"I'm Daniel Jackson."
"Oh!" She smiled and nodded. "He's spoken of you a few times. Huge problem with an artifact?"
"Our gateway had a few problems during a thing he helped stop," Jack said. "I think Danny wanted to know if he could identify the light that changed colors and ate people."
"He has a book on esoteric demonic creatures. I can see if it's in there. Give me a moment to get it." Library appeared with a few books. "Oh, Library. Thank you, dear. They wanted to know about the light that ate people."
"Is in there somewhere. Those be basics of demonology in that group and on Fae protocol." She looked at the general and scientist. "May want to know." She disappeared.
Hermione sat down, letting Daniel have the one on the protocol while she looked in the other one. "Oh, here we go. Changes colors so therefore bite styles. It's called a Hereford in here because that's where it was found." She let them see it.
"Yes, that does look like it but ours was pink and yellow and sunny colors," Daniel admitted. He looked at the others nearby. "So maybe a female or a younger version?"
"I've barely read that book once," she admitted with a grin for him. "Some of the care of magical creatures books he has found are very old." An auror came in and she smiled. "Hello. They called for Alex but I had to put him into bed for Draco to fuss for a bit because there was a dragon summoned to our campus."
"Miss Granger-Malfoy-Dumass," he said with a nod. "I heard the swearing about the dragon on your campus. Is it dealt with?"
"Xander slugged it once when it tried to burn him. Broke his hand. His face is a bit broken from hitting a bench. Luna and Draco stunned it while I enforced a see-me-not shield around the poor thing then I called Charlie Weasley as I know he works with dragons on a preserve."
"That's a great idea," he said with a smile. "Thank you! You handled it very well for us." He nodded at the two soldiers. "What happened with your portal when Dumass was putting out a new war's start?" They handed over the pictures. "Oh, that's nasty. Is that a kraken?"
"Yes, Xander named her Michelle," Hermione said dryly. "That's from Sunnydale's probably as it's the only one on this continent inside a hellmouth. And that's clearly Sunnydale in the picture behind it." She pointed.
"Oh, it is." He frowned, looking at it more closely then handing it back with a sigh. "All right. On the eighth, we had a Fae and demon conference between two supposedly diplomatic forces over the fact that a manor house in Ireland had been found to be holding both demonic and Fae related artifacts. Which got found by that same cursebreaker.
"They moved them to a storage area that never got sorted and then cleaned the aura of the manor house somehow." That got a slow nod from the head auror. The future head auror was looking amused at that. "As you know, there's been a few other historical starts to them having a war that were always stopped via treaty in the past.
"When whatever summoned Dumass did, he showed up with a few artifacts that stripped and merged the magic of the area and the people back into the ground. It'll be fully null magic for a month. Then he chatted, which was when we got summoned because he had put up such a shield around it that it set off alarms.
"Though he did note that the Canadians had magic alarms going off that helped summon him with the hellmouth he was made a protector of by Dumbledore. He noted all the alarms going off all over Canada and the risk to the general's project. That was Fae related energy from what he figured out with a thing that showed the various streams of magic.
"One of the artifacts he brought had a trapped elder god from another realm. Who took over for the demonic side. The local, as in US, Fae queen showed up to see what had went on when her minion's magic was stripped from him. So they investigated it and found out that the artifacts had been stolen by a couple or clan that had been forced into an alignment marriage against their wills to stop an earlier war.
"They thought it was an attempt to save some areas that are in protective bubbles. One mentioned was done in the seventies in Canada and contained a special nursery and a nearby enclave town. We know there's others, Harris noted Egypt is hiding some that are ancient. There's some in a demonic goddess temple in Africa somewhere that he saved once from an attack on them. That's how they protected areas that were in danger of being killed off but were important."
"The ones he's told us about, including that nursery I think as he mentioned one, were seriously important to their people. He said one of the cities was a holy city from before the humans taking over times. When the demon courts ruled," Hermione told them.
"We got a history on that," Daniel admitted. "I can see why they wanted to protect such sites. Are they in stasis or something?"
She shook her head then pushed her hair back behind her ears again. "No. They're in a loop he said. They're not fully alive but they're a bit stuck in history. Now he did say that nursery was put into a special one because of the eggs it contained. Not sure how or why." She looked at the auror, who was looking up that incident. "After that thing he complained about the fallout still going from two jealous teenage girl witches fighting with killing curses and chaos magic."
"Oh, they did," he agreed, showing it to the higher ups, who all grimaced. "We've seen adults doing that. It created a desert they had to repair quickly." He cleared his throat.
"Then why did our portal open to one in Sunnydale?" Jack asked.
"Unlike with magnets, in magic like calls to like," Hermione said. "That's a basic law of many magical theories." Jack stared at her. "Contagion. Corruption. Hollisander's. Mortimer's, all three really do count on the law of attracting like magic."
"Like calls to like," the future head auror agreed. "It's how you start any transfiguration work. You change a tiny bit and the rest wants to follow the new way with the rest of it."
"Yes, that theory but I'm not sure if that's really how it works," she admitted. "Not my field admittedly."
"I have a mastery in it and they have disproven that slightly but the underlying is still true."
"That's great to know." She smiled. "Professor McGonagall never taught us that but the books did. And of course, I read the books. Unlike many of my housemates at times." She looked at the general again. "If Fae energies and magic impacted yours and the hellmouth, it probably created a sympathetic link of sorts. As Tara put it, it went 'oh, Brother, pleasure to see you again, oops thought you were my twin brother'."
Daniel nodded slowly. "But it was temporary?"
"Yes. Though I have no idea if the Fae in your local area may have impacted your ring. I know Alex complained that it's mis-set, it leaks chaos energy, and it's hooked to the wrong power source."
Jack blinked a few times. "Huh?"
She smiled. "I didn't understand it either. I studied medicine and things like that. I only took the basic physics class I was required to take."
"If I brought someone like Sam Carter or McKay, could they understand this?" Jack asked her.
She shrugged. "Are they trained to understand the various physics of magic?"
"Probably not," he admitted. He sighed. Then tapped his earpiece. "Apollo, it's O'Neill. Which head geek is on base please?" He listened. "Send me Zelenka then. We've got physics talk going over my head. Thank you." He hung up. "He's our secondary head of engineering on Atlantis," he told her and the auror, who grinned at that. A man was beamed in and blinked at him. Middle aged, medium brown hair, slightly slumped, glasses. "Sit, Dr. Zelenka. We're talking about why the gate had tentacles that got happy."
"She's lonely," Hermione said. "Hello, I'm Hermione Granger-Malfoy-Dumass. They called for my mate Alex but he's in bed after having to deal with a dragon."
"Dr. Radek Zelenka," he said with a weak smile. "You're from that book."
"She was ahead of us." She smirked a bit. "She's in really big trouble the last I heard."
"Yes she is," the auror agreed. "I'm the local unit commander in charge of the aurors, Dr. Zelenka. Please, join us. This is our head auror for the US and the future one I do believe." He nodded at that. He copied the report to hand to him. "This is what precipitated that incident to backwash into your portal."
He read it over with a sigh as he sat down. "Is fantastic," he noted, looking at the auror. "Why would it happen at all?"
"The Fae and demonic groups were having a discussion that was the start to a new war," Hermione said.
"Oh, hell," he muttered. "Again?" She nodded. "Was it ended?"
"Yes. They did and are working on the diplomatic things now," she said with a smile. "The Queen of the Fae in the US has them there to talk about things." Daniel let him see the books with those creatures.
"I knew of kraken," he admitted. "Though I'm more used to stringy ones."
"That's the one from the Sunnydale hellmouth. Xander named her Michelle."
"Are they twins? I'm lost here," the future head auror admitted.
Hermione looked at him. "Cursebreaker Dumass, Alexander Dumass, got cursed in the back basically by Dumbledore and deaged to five, then stuck in Sunnydale when he linked him to that hellmouth. Therefore he became Xander Harris."
"That name I've heard," he said dryly. He sighed and blinked a few times. "That explains a lot about Harris."
She smiled. "He's an exciting mate to myself and Draco." She looked smug. She looked at the physicist again. "Alex used some artifacts to enforce a shield around the area and stripped the magic from the area. His report had proper names I haven't looked up yet. But apparently it stripped the magic into the earth for a good month. Then he called their bosses to beat their own minions as he put it."
He nodded. "Beating minions is best done by the one up top. Ours enjoy it as well." He went over the report, nodding at that. "And ours backwashed due to similarities of the magic infecting them," he said with a nod. "How do we guard against that again?"
"I have no idea how you'd shield it. I know Alex complained it was mis-set, leaked chaos energy, and used the wrong power source so it was weak."
He smiled. "I would like to see books on that."
"Library, do we have books on their gateway?" she called. "Or Stargate as it's called?" The house elf showed up with a box to hand to her then cookies before leaving. "Oh, thank you, Library! I was missing my cream biscuits." She nibbled and let the physicist have one as well with a smile. Then the box of books. "Library's ever so sweet to us."
"She seems to be. House elves can be," he agreed with a nod, going over the books' indexes to see what they had. "Oh!" He blinked. "Is on the wrong wavelength for power. Carter will be displeased," he muttered.
"Sam's going to be yanking out her hair," Daniel corrected with a grin. "She doesn't like that magic really exists."
Radek shrugged. "She has little imagination for things not science related at times. Is surprising she dates as that's not scientific." He went back to looking, letting Daniel see the books. Daniel handed him some paper and pens from his bag. "Thank you." He took notes on what he was seeing. He looked at her. "Dumass has a library?"
"Xander likes to find libraries and have them copied. He does each book in the original language and then a translation." She smiled. "We have a massive family library, Dr. Zelenka. I enjoy it quite a lot and nearly didn't go back to college this semester as I was lost in there."
He smiled. "Is nice to have access to." He went back to his notes. He looked up. "Is war stopped?"
"We sure hope so," the auror told him with a grin. "Where did you go to school, Doctor Zelenka?"
"Albania. Didn't get to my last year though. Government protested."
He nodded. "We heard about things like that." He looked at Granger.
"Has it been fixed?" she asked.
"Yes, communism and the Soviet Bloc fell," Radek said simply, looking at her. She patted him on the hand, getting a smile back. "Many are safer now."
"That's always the best things," she assured him. "Peace and prosperity are goals to work humanity toward."
"Ideals are always just out of reach," the future auror said. "But no one should let that keep them from working toward it." Hermione smiled and nodded at that. "Are you over here? I noticed you're a Brit."
"I'm at UCLA with Draco. A few of us are over here for the moment. Luna's helping the crew in LA with the demon hunting stuff. Now and then Harry will come over for beach time and sometimes even brought Neville and his wife Hannah."
He nodded. "Is UCLA safe?" he asked her and the auror.
"We try awfully hard," she said dryly. "More than once." She smiled at him. "If not, we work on fixing it. Even if I do have to stand in our little bit of woods and handle the problems coming."
The auror looked that up and then at her. "Some people were very mad at you for that, Miss Granger." She shrugged but smiled. "They wanted to arrest you."
"For protecting myself? Are they with the death eaters as well?"
"I'd hope not with who they are. There's some great stupid going on about that college." She took the phone to look at and then called up the site that tracked them for the demon communities, letting him have it back. "Oh, their bulletin boards." He went over her file with them and winced at one thing. "You're war trained?"
"No, I trained for a war," she said simply. She stared at him.
He nodded. "That makes good sense too. Did you win already?"
"Yes. We won before we graduated." She smiled. "The Banes network and Alex were most helpful to us winning that war. It was great to finally see an adult in front of us." She snapped her fingers then pulled over a sheet of paper and a pen from her own purse to write a note. "This is that *horrid* headmaster we had to fight back against." She handed it to the auror. "That's where he's reported he's working. It was in the paper that he had been released from a job in Germany and went over here."
He looked up that school, nodding. "He's listed as their new history teacher. How bad was it?" She smirked. "Seriously, Granger."
"He banned us from going to class because we're all apparently too damn stupid to be able to control our cycles." He winced. "Assured us all he'd make us into proper women by having us forcibly raped and sold off to a marriage partner so we left pregnant and married." He nodded, making that note.
"If you ask Luna she may be able to find things like his former manifesto of a student policy guidebook. Her father's paper probably has a copy but I didn't keep mine. I sent mine to my mother so she could help us fight back."
"I'll check into his current posting to make sure it's not that stupid," he assured her.
She beamed at him. "He tried to run for Minister of Magic so I swore I'd run against him. They voted Madam Bones into an unexpired term of ten years for it."
He smiled. "You'd definitely make a rather large change in the wizarding world."
She nodded. "Our bank thinks so too apparently."
"Are you on the danger scale?" he asked with a grin.
"Yes! Alex was so pleased that they put me on as a three."
He nodded. "That's actually really strong. We've had Dark Lords that weren't a three." She gave him a pointed look. "Proves how strong you are, ma'am."
She smiled. "My parents did a great job with me."
"They did." Radek was grinning at that as he made notes.
She looked at Jack. "How is Tonks doing? She was very nice to us when she worked beside us on the war stuff."
"Very not amused this week," he admitted. "She found a society she wants to fix."
"I believe in cultural relativity but I also believe that things that bad must be brought up so they can bring up their standards so the people are special and needed in the world."
"In my field, cultural relativity is absolute," Daniel told her.
She smiled and nodded. "It can be. Especially looking back. I just can't let it go on when it's in my face and so very wrong."
He nodded. "I've nudged a few myself here and there about other ideas. Mostly about slavery."
She nodded. "That was a horrific time for most people. Many wanted change but the few who were in charge wouldn't let them because it would make them poor again."
"Money is one root of evil trees," the head auror assured her. "We see it often."
She nodded. "That's a choice you make though."
"It is." He nodded. "Though some do have good intentions."
"I've done that myself. Alex yelled at me. Then we talked about my idea." She sighed. "I can admit I was zealously going to fix something I saw as wrong."
Daniel nodded. "The urge to fix things is an important thing in the world. Even if it's not your culture and may end up destroying one, trying to fix things so humanity's stronger and better isn't often wrong, even if the results could be a disaster."
"Yes, that's what I came to as well," she said with a smile for him. It was good he understood.
Jack cleared his throat. "Back on topic. Can we prevent this in the future, Radek?"
He looked at him. "Yes, we can. Will drive Carter nuts. Will have to use a better power source. Will have to build a new shielding device. All possible. Will still drive Carter nuts."
"If we used it today, would it go to wherever that other portal goes to?" Daniel asked.
"We can check," he said with a nod. "If so, not sure how we'd break the link."
"Well, Alex will be trying to evade being fussed at soon," Hermione quipped with a grin. "He already knows."
"That's true, I escape too," Jack agreed with a nod. "Drove my former wife nuts."
"Yes, it does us as well," she agreed happily. Draco appeared with a huff. "Did he run away to a desert hideaway?" she asked with a smile.
"Ragnok called." He sat down. "What's happened?"
"Their portal problem got linked to the Sunnydale hellmouth. Michelle went to visit and pet Marines."
He raised an eyebrow. "That's very nice of her I suppose, but a bit worrying if she tried to be amorous and pull one to have a conjugal visit."
"We worried about going to visit if we left right now," Jack told him.
He considered it. "If it's not linked presently ...." He pulled Hermione's paper over to make a few notes and look at the math of what he was thinking. She looked over his arm and pointed. He nodded and fixed that. "That's what I was thinking." He showed the obvious wizard. "That's Shagol's theorem from arithmancy."
"There's a few ways of doing that," Radek admitted, looking it over for math errors. They were good. "Very nice, you two." They smiled at him. "We can compare this to Fitzgerald and the other three I know of."
"Fitzgerald was disproven when dealing with electricity," Hermione said. Library sighed but appeared with a book. She gave the house elf a hug. "Thank you, Library. You take good care of us."
"Mistress Hermione and Master Draco both be book nerds like her boys," she said.
"Library, if a house elf ran into something like a portal stuck to another portal, how would you guys shield it?" Draco asked.
She blinked a few times. "Would tell the cursebreakers and see if they could do the unsticky. If not, they put in a vault. Or maybe change how it went. Arens did that once. Sent him to women, but he got sent home because he gay. Very, very gay." She looked at the general and the others. "Portals stuck?"
"The Fae and demon thing Xander handled had their portal stuck to Michelle in Sunnydale," Hermione said. "They're worried it'll go back there instead of wherever."
Library's face lit up and she left then came back with a very ornate book. "Is from Elders." She stared at Radek. "Mistress Alisandra found long ago. Can't translate, no one can, but is on portals."
"Thank you," he said, smiling and patting her on the head. "That could be very helpful." She beamed and left.
"Thank you!" Hermione called. She smiled at Draco. "She's most exceptional."
"She is. My house elves aren't half as fussy or as smart as she is."
Radek looked at the book then gasped. "Is from ELDERS," he announced.
Daniel took it carefully to look at. "That's Ancient," he agreed. "The offshoot from the ones that went Ori." He looked at it, then moaned. "They have a built in shield in some gates. Ours doesn't."
"Some do in Pegasus," Radek admitted. "Don't work well. Will keep ships out. May not keep out magic." He took it back to go over the theory and then found something in the back. "Is...is magic," he admitted quietly. "Is energy based. To keep out...not sure who those are."
Daniel looked over his arm. "Those are the blobby things. They are energy. Floating balls of energy." He considered it. "Could that at least be the starting place, Radek?"
"Yes. Is definitely the starting place we need." He took notes, copying it word for word.
Draco looked. "There's a hidden ink on the edge." He pointed. "This edge."
"I've seen that a few times. Alex said it was some sort of tagging system on the one I found so I never wondered." She did a discern spell and then a lighting change one, letting it show. "Is that something important?"
"That's candlelight ink," Draco said. "Change it to a darker light instead of a brighter one, Hermione." She did and Radek smiled at them for that. "Is that important?"
"Yes. That's a 'belongs to' statement. Are there others?" They shrugged. "Can you ask your mate?"
"If we can find him," Draco said.
Daniel looked up. "Xander!" he yelled. He appeared, looking amused. He grinned. "Hermione and Draco have both had a lot of help and so has your house elf, but are there more where this book came from?"
He came over to look then shrugged. "Auntie Alisandra had no idea where she found that. She was sick or drunk or something, her ghost didn't say which, and she woke up sober or better and had the book with her. She had no idea where she was but she had obviously been moved miles because her camp was over fifty miles away. And she wasn't near her camp in the other direction the last she knew before then." He summoned the family's ghost, who appeared looking amused. He pointed at the book.
"Oh, that thing. It came from Colabra or something like that. That's all I ever found out. I have no idea if that's the name of the former town, if it's the name on the house, if it's the name of the former owner."
"The side note says Mormato," Radek said. "Who is an Ancient."
She blinked a few times.
"That's ....that's where Sophia got caught," Xander said, thinking about that. "Or there was a lot of stuff with his name on it in there. It was ...oh, where was that?" He held up a hand and left to the bank then came back with a book and a huffy dverger. "It's important. And how to make sure their gateway doesn't link back to the hellmouth again. Either of them in the US." He looked up that name and the fact he knew. "No, not that one. The one between these two," he said with a point. "Where was it?"
The dverger huffed but looked. "That's in the special don't go there again book, Dumass. Your name appears extensively in that book." He spotted that book and winced. "Oh, one of them."
"He was an Ancient, who built the gates," Radek said. "He may know how to shield them so we don't have tentacles petting Marines."
"At least Michelle went for class instead of vampires," Xander quipped. The dverger left then came back with another two books. Xander found that entry and one other one. "Was I there?"
The dverger looked then at him. "They made you sick on purpose."
"Of course they did," he said dryly. "Oh, that was Stelari, wasn't it?"
"You did mention that name," the dverger agreed. "Fevered and complaining she was a complaining bitch. Mostly that she wanted your body and then didn't realize that you're mortal and she was energy."
"Sounds like an ascended," Daniel quipped. "We've run into a few like that."
"She was the guardian of a...I can't remember what but it was here." He showed it to Daniel. "I know I was warned not to go back there. I know there were other books and stuff. They hated me for some reason."
"Could your skill set break whatever an ascended is?" Hermione asked.
"They're basically ghosts," Alisandra said. "But on another plane. What happened to you this time, Alex?"
"Some teenage witch summoned a dragon onto the campus," he said dryly.
"Oh. That problem."
"It was handled," Hermione quipped with a grin. "I did the don't-notice shield." The aunt patted her on the head. "Can someone like one of you upset their energy form?"
"Oh, yes," Xander said with a grin and a nod. "And if we brought Philip he could banish them all. Not like a demon banishing but an actual move to a new plane of existence banishing. I can do it another way but it'll wear me out if there's more than two."
"Can we do it another way?" Draco asked. "Like the thingy in the anime you watched?"
"A banishing gun? Yeah, if we had one we could do that. The only one in existence is in the Vatican. Someone who was a crafter built one once. It's limited and it'd take Philip in full on holy mode to use it. It was meant to go to someone like him. Actually, if we ask Professor Methos he might know of another way thinking about that. And I have no idea why that just hit my mind outside the poker game when he was teaching me."
He considered it. "Hey, Dobby, you bored?" he called. The house elf appeared before he finished, nodding frantically. "We need a critical question answered by Professor Methos." He wrote it out on some paper Daniel handed over then folded it and handed it to him. "Even if he's having sex. If he wants to ask Professor Armwrench that's fine too. Bring it back please."
"Dobby do." He left, going to the school. Professor Methos was chewing a student a new one for doing something dumb. So he stared at him until he got glared at. "Alex sir needs answer immediately and if needs Armwrench that's fine." He held it up. "Alex sir is in meeting with Space Monkey Man and General Jacksies."
He took the note to look at and blinked a few times. "I see. There's two other ways, and I doubt he could do it. Let me ask Armwrench." He walked off and Dobby followed. "It's that important?"
"Gates has Michelle tentacles petting people from what Library found out. Has ancient books."
"Oh, that sort of problem." He knocked on that door, then walked in at the grunt. "From your minion."
He looked at the note then sighed. "Alex isn't that good. That's a temple to Ascended. What are they looking for?"
"Alex sir is in meetings with Space Monkey Man and General Jacksies," Dobby said. "Message most important."
Armwrench took Dobby and the message back with him, staring at his high priest. "Why is it that important?" He stared. "You're ascended," he noted.
"Was. They sent me back without memories. We need to shield the gate from the tentacles and it happening again."
"The Fae part of that meeting the other day affected it and linked into the hellmouth," Xander told him.
"Shit," Armwrench said dryly. He considered it. "There's a shield on some of them."
"Not all," Radek said. "Ours has none at all for the one on earth. Only half do where I serve."
Armwrench looked at him then frowned. "You found the city?"
"Yes." He grinned and nodded. "I'm second in engineering and sciences. Are you an ascended?"
"No, I'm Loki." He smirked. "The one over cursebreakers." Xander grinned and nodded and so did his aunt. "I teach part-time to find all my future people, mark them so the chaos around them goes elsewhere, and then make sure they get trained."
"Which we enjoy as he teaches life sciences and sex ed," Draco quipped.
"It was most amusing and very educational. I learned things my parents hadn't taught me," Hermione agreed.
Loki smirked at her. "Thank you, chit."
"Welcome, sir."
He looked at the book then at them. "What is the main problem that caused that very boring, very stupid book to be brought out?"
"The Fae linked their gate to the hellmouth," Xander said. "It let the kraken pet their people."
"Isn't that fixed though?"
"We're not sure," Daniel said. "Did the Asgardian alien version of you and you ever meet?"
He smiled. "Yes, it was quite a night drinking when they took our identities to be known faster." He smirked. "Though I find him amusing."
"He made clones," Jack said.
Loki smirked. "I've made temporary ones for fun things. And yes, it shows in your aura."
"Did you see where I found your vault?" Xander asked. "It's in Vault 302 all by itself with a ghost guarding it for you."
Loki blinked. "What?"
"It was in my former work vault, 98, with all the Egyptian stuff, Lord Loki. I didn't think you wanted them to affect it more as one had clearly tried to pry it open and failed hard. It had a burn mark on the side near a hinge."
Loki frowned, going to look then came back to hug him. "Thank you. I will move it later if I can."
Xander shrugged. "I don't care to guard it, Lord Loki. She's like my stepmom sometimes. I mean, you paid more attention than my dad did. At least you *enjoyed* me doing things."
Loki smiled. "If I had sons, they would probably be less chaotic than you are but probably less fun as well. I do enjoy you doing your job, Alexander." He smiled at him. "And you can't go back to that dig either."
He pouted. "At all?"
"No, they hate you and the new energy would call them immediately."
"Can Daniel? He's an archeo."
"Yes, he probably could. They'd hate him just as much for him being descended."
"Can we move them on?" Hermione asked. "If they try to harm others?" She showed him the notes Xander made.
He frowned. "Yes, and more than that. I will ask a few to help get the books from there. The unlinking spell isn't hard." He made a book appear in front of Radek. "And get a house elf so they can do that for you. That's one reason they got brought here." He looked at Daniel. "You would have made a great one of mine."
"Him and Sheppard," Radek quipped.
"Sheppard?" Loki asked, head tipped.
"John Sheppard, our colonel on Atlantis." He pulled out a picture of him. Loki touched it and smirked at him then left with a wink. "I wonder if he has magic," he said putting the picture back. Radek got into the book and smiled. "Yes, can unlink easily. Dobby, are there elves who would want to serve with us?"
Dobby blinked a few times. "Not sure. Can go to shelter to rescue some?"
"Where is it?" Hermione asked.
"Locally there's one," the head auror said happily. "I had to rescue one recently." He wrote down an address to slide over. "They're good to have."
Loki reappeared with something, handing it to Alex. "That goes to where your hidden son is. He'll know who it goes to." He smirked and left.
"Sure, I can meet that son." He looked at the package then tucked it into his pocket. Hermione smiled, patting him on the wrist. "You can come. We can invite him to lunch or something with a family summoning spell."
"Can we meet him as well?" Draco asked.
"Yeah, I don't see a problem with that. We'll go to a magical café and summon him." He grinned at Daniel. "Have fun there."
"I'm sure I will. I've missed going on digs." He smiled. "And I'll remember to send up some thanks to him too."
"He'd probably appreciate that. We all do. We don't do daily prayers but the emergency ones, the 'yeah, we adore you for picking us for this job' ones, the 'oh hey I'm drunk after an assignment but I lived so thanks for that' ones." He grinned but shrugged. "We enjoy him sucking up the chaos we draw."
"We need to name him over our program," Jack quipped. "Because we have more chaos than not some days."
"Have you ever reset the gate?" Xander asked. "It's mis-set and it's like grating on our senses. I asked some of the breakers in the US and they all moved as far from Denver and Colorado Springs as they could thanks to that."
"Would that book have that?"
"No," Radek said. "Others would. This holds shields though." He checked to make sure he had all the notes then handed them back to Hermione, who smiled at him. "Thank you for lending."
"What language is that in?" Xander asked.
"It's a weird version of what we call Ancient. It's the one that the group who went Ori used as theirs after they left the others," Daniel said. "Do you have more of these?"
"Me personally?" He called the index to him to look. "Um, looks like four scrolls and two books listed like that one is." He looked up. "But I have about nineteen that have never been translated total."
"In what languages?" he asked. Xander wrote out something and handed it over. "Is that a pass?"
"The floo's locked but a house elf can get you there with that." He grinned.
"The library is *huge*," Hermione warned happily. "I nearly forgot to go back to college because I was on a couch in there."
Draco cleared his throat. "It took us three tries to get her out to go pack so we could go back to campus. I love reading and books and knowledge." She gave him a dirty look. He stared back. "You went into a book coma, Hermione."
She sighed. "I did." She showed them a picture of the library, making Daniel moan in pleasure. "My mother saw that and totally agreed I had a reason to spend my gap year in his library instead of going on trips and flirting with others."
"She married me for my library," Xander quipped.
She kissed him on the cheek. "I married you because you're good at everything you try to do. The library was just like sparkly jewelry to me." She smirked. He blushed at that, but smiled.
Daniel handed the picture back. "I'll try to go there after I go on this dig. I could find a lot of stuff in there." He looked at Jack.
"We'll call for him when you get lost," he said dryly. "And forget to call in regularly."
Daniel rolled his eyes. "Radek, are we set?"
"We are." He looked at the others. "Thank you. I will have soldiers go with general to shelter. Is pitiful." The head auror nodded with a smile. "Thank you all for the help." Dobby took them back to their base then came to get the books to go back to the library.
Alex grinned. "Thanks, people." He took them with him to a magical friendly café and got them drinks then did the family summoning spell. It took a bit but finally a youngish man with medium brown hair, looked fit and tanned, strolled over and sat down. "Hey, son."
"We're what now?"
"I'm Alexander Dumass."
"The author?"
"The cursebreaker." He stared at him then did the family spell against their two hands, showing the relationship.
"Oh. That's...huh." He nodded once. "That's really weird. No one told me that." He stared. "What's that?"
"Your family binding," he said, looking at him. He pulled out the package to hand over. "The one over cursebreakers said to give this to you. No idea what's in it but I've been meaning to write to you at least. Oh, this is Hermione and Draco. They're mine." They smiled and waved from their tea sipping.
"Huh." He frowned. "Family binding....." He straightened up. "Oh! Oh. Okay." He looked in the package, smiling at it. "Yeah, I'm right about that."
"If you want me to acknowledge them I can do that. I've already acknowledged you as an heir. So you can get into the houses and the castle."
"We have a castle?"
"Yes. Dumass castle has been around for centuries." Hermione showed off the picture of the library. Tony moaned. He grinned. "She loves that picture."
"It's the most warm, homey place I've ever been. Even our house with my parents." Xander kissed her, making her smile. "I'm still cleaning your injuries later."
"Fine. Don't fuss."
"Yes, dear. Or I'll make it fun and sexy."
"I could like that," he agreed then looked at Tony again. He grinned. "Also." He handed over the heir's set. "Yours. If you lose the knife it'll come back to us after three days. It's the sign and sigil showing you're an heir of the family. And if anyone gives you shit about it, refer them to me." He smirked at the agent staring at them. Who slunk off. He grinned. "They're horrified about me again. I back up the slayers."
"Wow." He looked at the dagger, putting it on his waistband then the necklace on. It felt...perfectly right. "Is that family magic?"
"Yup, and that means the ghosts can come nag you too." He grinned. "Because they can do that." Hermione and Draco both nodded at that. "Or you can come meet the grandkid, sit with our unicorns.... There's a few family properties. And a few dark idiots in the family so stay away from Justinius and Melantha. I can sense her around here." He produced pictures. "My idiot, dark as hell sibs."
"I have seen her. She was a suspect in a murder but didn't do it. Somehow his wife did it without realizing it."
"Which is probably a coercion so she could take the energy the wife spilled," Xander quipped. "She's dark as hell. Oh, why she's dark. There's a slight family curse of any kid not conceived in a bed tainted with our historical bed will turn dark. She was conceived in a field of unicorns during a picnic." Tony grinned at that. "We can taint your bed that way once you find someone."
"What if I'm just fooling around and knock someone up?"
"You know, it wasn't stated if an out-of-relationship kid would do that or not. I have no idea." He grinned. "Also your family bond would negate some of that. But we can figure it out somehow. I can transfer the spell to something on you like an implanted charm. That's how I did it when I was sleeping around."
"You can?" Hermione asked. "Would I run into that healing someone?"
He considered it. "That's older family magic so it'd have to be from someone like Draco's family."
"They consider that an old way," he said dryly. "And inferior for having to be implanted instead of simply worn or carried."
"I might lose one if I'm kidnaped again," Tony admitted. "Implanted might be easier." He stroked the box. "The others aren't here."
"Are you sure?" he asked with a grin. "One's in New York, I felt him around the junior cursebreaker I found breaking out after losing his girlfriend who had been told he didn't have magic. The kid marked him."
"That's probably Danny," he sighed. "We lost the third one."
Xander nodded. "I'm sorry for that loss, kiddo. It sucks when you lose family. I lost most of mine to a flu when I was in school."
Tony smiled. "Thanks. Do I call you Dad?"
"You can use Alex or Xander. I became Xander when I got deaged by Dumbles."
He blinked a few times. "I hate those books." Hermione giggled at that, nodding a bit.
"So do we," Draco said smugly. "We found the author."
Tony grinned. "Good job." He looked at him. "You're the guy that helps that team in LA. You were at the invasion."
"I was," he quipped. "That's where I regrew up." He smirked a bit. "I'm linked to that hellmouth. These two are in UCLA right now so I'm still helping in LA's group."
Tony looked at them then at his father. "You're damn lucky."
"I am," he agreed with a grin. "And so are you. Because that bonding could've killed you."
"We got bored and decided to do that so we could cheat."
Xander snickered, nodding. "It has to be balanced."
"I found that out later." He smiled and nodded. "Okay, I can do that. You're not going to show up at work to ask for favors right?"
"No. I don't do a thing with the military usually. Well, there's a whole lot of the army that hate me because I pointed some aurors at their torture program." He smirked a bit. "But I have helped the Marines and Air Force recently."
"That's good. We do Marine and Navy felony cases." He blinked at him then nodded. "Yeah, we can do that. Any other warnings?"
"If you've gotten weird looks from the bank, it's my fault. Ignore it."
"I never use the magical bank," he admitted. "But I can do that." He grinned. "Thanks."
"Welcome. I was going to send a letter to introduce that. With the heirs spell so you could do it yourself but I got asked to deliver that."
"That's actually better. I might've freaked out if you had sent the letter." He smiled at the two younger ones then at him. "We'll chat when I'm not due at court." He sighed. "Bad guys gotta go away."
"True. Most of yours don't die by beheading."
"In some cases that's a pity," Tony admitted. "But we gotta do it the other way sometimes." He got up and left, happier with that meeting. He really had to meet up with Danny again to talk to him.
Xander looked at his mates, then paid the check. Hermione added a tip for them, making Draco confused. "In the US servers make less than minimum wage and it's so low that it's about criminal." Draco added to it and they went back to the castle to check the injuries as a sex game. It made Xander not run away from them taking care of him.
***
Brad, the auror that had custody of Harry for a bit, called him. "Someone at a film studio has heard that the books were actually based off you guys and wanted to know if you wanted to meet the actors."
"Do they want to meet us for some reason?" Harry asked, stopping his broom polishing to stare at his head in the floo. "Like a fan thing?"
"I think they'd like to get a better feel for who you really are but they're *kids*, Harry. They're about the age of the you in the first story." Harry winced at that but shrugged. "Okay, there's a party thing in a few weeks. I'll get you guys invited. You, Hermione, and Ron if I can."
"Thanks." He grinned. "Is that a demon behind you?"
"He's a new recruit," he said. Then he smiled. "He seems pretty good so far. He likes to do paperwork."
"Better than Ron then," he quipped. "Ron loathes paperwork."
"So do we," Brad the auror agreed happily. "Okay, see you soon, Harry."
"Okay! I was going to pop around when I had a beach day in a few weeks. We're done for the season in a week and a half. I posted a letter to you earlier through the magical post office."
"I'll be looking forward to it, kiddo." He grinned as he hung up.
Harry called Dumass Castle, getting Draco. "The people over the movies wanted the kids who played me, Mione, and Ron to meet us."
Draco grimaced. "How old are they?"
"Our ages then." He smirked a bit. "Can you warn her not to confuse the poor girl?"
"I'll try. She's happily reading with the cats before she goes to work at the shelter." Harry nodded. "Have fun?"
"Maybe. Not sure how I'd have fun with that." He shrugged. "Tell Alex that the season's done in another game. We suck apparently."
"Do you want me to be polite when I answer that?" Draco guessed with an evil-ish smirk.
"No. We suck." He hung up and went back to his broom care routine. His poor broom had needed some attention.
Draco went to tell that to Hermione, who groaned.
***
Hermione smiled at Narcissa as she answered the floo. "What does one wear to a Hollywood party? Are they formal or cocktail dress?"
"I don't know," she admitted, considering it. "I'd personally wear something subtle but fabulous, but not too formal. Something that wouldn't look out of place at either but may be seen as a bit eccentric."
"So like that silver gown I wore a few years back. Which is probably too small. Thank you, Narcissa. Draco's asleep." She let her see her sleeping son.
"He's going to wake up with a headache from that position," she said dryly.
"If I wake him up, he'll be very grumpy. So I'll tease him once he's already awake." She grinned. "Thank you."
"Welcome. Let me know if you need to know where to shop." Hermione nodded at that and handed over a handpie she had on her plate then left. Narcissa nibbled, humming that she liked that. "Their elf is a good cook. Ours needs to ask for recipes." She sat back to go back to her reading while finishing her treat. Her three dogs were staring at her pitifully but she didn't give in to begging. She was made of sterner stuff than dog begging. Even if she would have to get nagging about one trying to become a napkin service.
***
Harry strolled over to the kids at the party, Ron and Hermione behind him but not too close. They didn't look like a gang or panicked. They looked relaxed. Hermione was wearing a pretty gold dress that was a sheathe with a deep slit up her leg, but a nice, subtle collar line that showed her shape. Ron was wearing a suit Bill had made him get. So was Harry. "Hey," he said with a smile for the kid playing him.
The kid blinked at him then looked at his forehead. "What happened?"
Harry rubbed it. "Plastic surgery to get rid of it before my sixth year." He grinned. "It helped a lot of things." He held out a hand. "I've heard you've done a good job."
"Thanks." He shook his hand. "Hey, guys." They looked over and blinked. The girl playing Hermione nearly squealed. She grinned at that, waving a bit. Ron and his actor self were just smiling at each other. He did look like a younger Weasley son. The actor-Harry blinked a few more times. "They said they'd see if we could talk to you guys."
"Well, it freaks us out, but we don't mind," Hermione assured him, then straightened out his hair. "Sticking up a bit, dear."
"Thanks. Did you and Ron get together?"
"Oh, dear." She shook her head quickly. "Nope." Ron was shuddering and shaking his head too. "I'm in college at UCLA and Ron's learning how to be an auror sometimes."
"I'm playing quidditch and learning how to be a cursebreaker," Harry quipped. They walked the kids over to sit and talk with them.
"An ice cream truck?" Ron asked a few minutes later. "That's a neat idea! Can you really do that?"
Hermione looked over. "Yes, Ron, people usually own the trucks they use for that. But you can ask Alex about it as he did that for a few weeks in Sunnydale." Ron beamed at that and nodded. "Or the ice cream shop in Diagon needs a new master. You can learn how to make it yourself. Be the next nice old man who gives advice and sells ice cream."
"I... How do you learn that?"
"It's like cooking but there's some classes," Hermione admitted. "I think there's a college in the US that has a distance program for learning to make good ice cream. Or you could ask them and work your way up."
"I might think about that. That's a right neat idea," he told the kid with a grin. "I don't like being an auror. There's a lot of paperwork and a lot of boring things like talking to drunk wizards."
The kid nodded. "I can see that. It seems like being a cop."
"It is," Ron sighed with a nod. "And I like being of use but I don't like all that stuff they pressure you into doing."
Hermione smiled at her mini self. "Madam Bones heard about the books and nearly used them to charge some people but couldn't." The girl giggled at that, nodding some. "She was not happy either when we found out thanks to Harry's grandfather."
"You have a grandfather left?" the actor-Harry quipped, staring at him.
"I do. My Mum was only half a muggle born witch. Her biological dad was a bit drunk and they had some fun. But he's a great guy. He helped me tons. Hermione's married to him." She smiled and nodded at that.
"Are you learning to be an auror?" the actress asked her.
"Right now I'm in pre-med at UCLA and I always spend some time volunteering at animal shelters. I would've went to a UK school but they all hated my blood status and some of them hated that I read things. They didn't want me to actually study. UCLA has some frustrating things but is a good school. Plus, with it being in LA, they just blink at some weird things."
"Awww. That's actually really cool. I'm hoping for Brown."
"That's an excellent school but it didn't have pre-med for me. And UCLA was big enough to let me fade into the average student so no one could find me if they were looking."
"Outside some with a plot," Harry quipped. "Which was weird but handled."
Hermione nodded. "Yes it was." She grinned at the girl. "I have no idea how the later books are going to turn out since she left in our third year."
"Wow." She nodded. "Is the war done with?"
"Oh, yes," Harry said with a nod. "We called the final battle in our seventh year. We won, dear."
"Oh, good," she sighed, smiling again. Hermione grinned back. "It's really weird to know that I'm portraying someone real."
"It can be I suppose. Not like I'd judge how they interpreted the book. Though I did ask her if she thought I was that annoying." She smiled. "Then sued her."
"I figured she did get some punishment from breaking the international secrecy rules," Harry agreed. "But I didn't pay that much attention. It really set off my anger." He looked at the kids, who were staring at him. "We had no idea until my grandfather Alex found it in a store and told us."
"Wow," actor-Harry said in awe. "That's weird."
"We handed it to Narcissa Malfoy because she'd want to keep it more quiet," Ron said with a slight nod. "We didn't tell Mum until we were all back at school so Bill could keep her from blowing up the house."
"That's good he could," the actor-Ron agreed. "Did it work?"
"Not wholly. She knocked out Dad by accident," he said, frowning some. "Destroyed part of the orchard area." He shrugged. "But the calming potion worked!" He grinned at that.
Hermione sighed but nodded. "My parents found out from a dental assistant and nearly put me in therapy. They were not amused but they said it's good I stepped in to help my friends. My Mum still blames stuff on all that, mostly quirks I've had forever though."
The actress playing her giggled at that, shaking her head. "My mum would've done the some thing. Or actually put me into a hospital." Hermione and she shared a smile.
They wrapped up the talk a few hours later, before the party ended. Hermione did take a nibble from the snack trays, she was hungry, and they left together to go back to England. They dropped Ron off then went to the castle before Molly spotted them. They found Xander on a couch with a gray tabby cat, a tiny one with a few touches of fawn coloring around his stripes and face. Xander looked at them from petting the cat on his shoulder.
Hermione tipped her head to look at it. "We have a third cat?" she asked with a smile, reaching over to pet his ears. He started a bit but let her pet him. "Hello. Do you have a name and did Xander adopt you, sweetums?"
"This is ELF. He's an Evil Little Fluffball."
"Who'll probably get very fat," she quipped. "Especially once he's fixed. How did we get him?"
"Tara nearly lost Miss Kitty last night." She winced at that. "The friend helping her gave her ELF here. But he's here to introduce him to the other cats in the family. So far he's a shoulder sitting lump. Or a chest sitting lump sometimes."
"They can do that. Crooky is a breast ornament more than once in a while." She settled next to him, staring at the kitten. "You're going to grow up to be fat and spoiled. I know you will. Tara will gladly spoil you. Is Miss Kitty alright?"
"Not sure." ELF went back to purring in Xander's ear. "Your two are hiding." He pointed.
She looked. "Crooky, come get me furry please," she called, patting her lap. Artifact hopped down first to come get petting and meet the new young one. Crookshanks wandered over more slowly but didn't do more than huff at the kitten. "He's Tara's kitty," she told her cat, who was spoiled and fat. She knew about spoiled, fat cats. "Behave and don't torment him." She petted all three, making sure Artifact and Crooky weren't feeling neglected. "Has he eaten?"
"He knocked over my bag of white cheddar popcorn and ate half of it," Xander said dryly. "Then he licked a lot more of it." She giggled, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. ELF meowed at that and dug his claws into Xander's shoulder for daring to move. "I don't think he's going to be more than a one person cat. But we'll see. Tara makes friends easily."
Draco just nodded, staring at the cats. Then he got the family camera to take pictures for later looking back at how tiny he was. "How big will he get?"
"Probably about three-quarters of Crooky's size," she admitted. "Maybe twelve, fifteen pounds. Crooky's part Norwegian Forest Cat and they're one of the biggest breeds. They usually get about twenty-eight to thirty pounds in purebreds. Them, Maine Coons, and Siberians. Weegies even like water sometimes. Some are beach cats." She looked at her cat, who did like to help her soak by sitting on her chest. Crooky just blinked and went back to washing his face while Artifact snuggled into his fur.
Tara came out of the floo and came over to sit down, taking her cat. "C'mere, ELF. I don't know why Xander named you that." She petted him and he liked that. She was definitely his goddess. "We'll ask Auntie Hermione about where we can get you fixed cheaply but it'll be okay. We'll figure it out."
She petted him even when he decided to sit on her shoulder. "Sure, you can sit there until you're too big to fit there." She petted him and he got happy with that. He could nap on her shoulder too. He was that talented at his young age.
"He ate my popcorn earlier, Tara," Xander said dryly.
She sighed and shook her head. "Sometimes cats will like cheese things. I'll let him sniff and figure out if he likes cheese later." She looked at Hermione.
"I'll get the name of the vets the shelter I work with uses for fixing." She smiled. "He's going to get fat though. Just like Crooky is. It happens to male cats when they get fixed young."
Tara nodded. "But better fixed young than when they start to spray or have hormones. He can get fat. We'll have plenty of toys for him." She went back to petting her new cat. He'd get used to the family. And probably suck up to them for cat treats and cuddles.
The End, I think.
(Yes, this was the memorial piece for ELF when he passed over)
Story notes:
The last part of the Ancestry Series!
Chapter notes:
Note: Jen gave me the unintentional bunny thanks to her signs post.