Forger Becomes the Universe's Drinking Buddy.
Right after the portal incident, when they ran away from a witch going postal, a few people wanted to know some things. So Forger showed up to that meeting with a few congressional members, including Bucky because they made him sit in on this one, a few soldiers, a president or two, and some agents. He waved as he walked in. "What did we want to know?"
"First, why did we evacuate to there?" the US president asked.
"She started the portal to help us get away from her. She called it an act of mercy." He sat down at the free spot, staring at them. The Thunderbolts were against the back wall also staring at him, all in nice clothes but streetwear instead of uniforms.
Boy was he going to piss some people off. "We did not pick the spot but I did summon back Jane Foster to help run the portals so they weren't a huge issue. We knew they were going to happen. The vision came out last year." That got a few nods that they had seen that.
"So, the one of you who you met?" the Canadian president asked.
Xander stared at him. "Do you think this is the only reality where I might exist? Because it's not. That's statistically improbable."
"Oh. Okay. So that one, what did he do?"
"Apparently he had his job," he said with a point at the US president. "Or had retired from it." The president gaped, head tipped. Bucky was choking. "And he's not the only one. Though that has always happened due to someone's plotting against us. That one hasn't been seen at the conventions."
"Conventions?" Bucky asked. "Why haven't I heard about this topic yet?" He grinned at his idiot little protege.
"You did once. You went 'ow, headache, shut up, Xander."
"Okay. How soon after we met was this?"
"Six months? Ish."
"Oh, so that time. I probably did have a headache caused by Steve, yeah." He nodded a bit. He sucked in a breath. "Why am I getting that feeling that this is going to be a huge issue with you?"
"Well, we do have a convention yearly. We do have the problem manual finally." He pulled it out of his pack and tossed it at Yelena, then grinned at him. "Read the first page, Yelena, please?"
She opened it. "Do I want to? This is an apology for making SHIELD drink. Huh?" She read out the foreword apologizing for whatever agency was scanning this, including SHIELD, drinking heavily for at least a day. She looked up at him. "How bad is it?"
"Very. In some places. Some of them are a lot more normal. The one where I was born the son of Loki..." He shrugged a bit. "He helps protect the convention though."
"Like that you is a god?" John asked, tipping his head. Xander nodded with a grin. "Is this you? Because I'm pretty sure some are wondering about your native chaotic instincts."
"No, just that one as far as we know. Though his mate was a bit.. Uptight. We'll call the God of Heroes they bonded him to without his permission uptight." He looked at someone, who blinked hard. "Hmm. Yeah. They married him by proxy. Then told him. Then a whole lot of them died because of it. But it's not the world where they did the D&D spell at least.
"I've stopped that one twice now. And if they try a third time I'm blowing up that coven in Maine." He stared at Bucky. Then at the representative from New England on that panel. "Really. Stop them for me. Please. Unless you want to see dragons natively living from New England down to Kentucky? And unicorns and fairies that aren't Fae...."
He waved a hand. He got up to get the book to flip to that, letting them see it. "See, that coven." He patted him on the shoulder. "Stop them for me please." He sat down again. "The book is magical by the way. If you think about something else it'll switch to it. Fair warning."
"Fuck," Bucky said, staring at him. "That's the source of chaos isn't it?"
"No. It's a 'we handled this and here's how' manual in case we run into it here on our own worlds so we're prepared and can maybe stop it. Like the peace cult I've been *trying* to get rid of." He glared at one agent, who winced. "Because they assassinated every single politician on their earth but *five* to make everyone restart more peacefully.
"Which ended up with me there elected president and I don't want that job here." He grinned. "Unless you're going to do it for me...." He smiled at that agent. Who shuddered. "Yeah." He looked at Bucky again, shrugging. "You saw me disappear to one."
"I did? I thought you went shopping and lunch."
"No, I went to help the four GHS us not shop and not get kidnaped and learn some from them about stuff, and then learned some from them about cooking." He shrugged. "I'm not the gifted one that they gave the really ugly things to. That's the young them. Who needs it to seem more able to protect himself so he's not stolen. Again."
"Again?" he asked.
"GHS is a hormone condition. It makes your pheromones and other hormones high. It makes them seem like stray cats you can adopt off the street against their wills." He stared at him. "Again. And again and again...." He shrugged.
"That one we ran to is not in the book. Not sure if they hadn't spotted him yet or why but he wasn't at the conventions yet and he was in a comic book world to both my original realm and this one. He's in a DC comic uni; he's with Peacemaker and Harley Quinn." Bucky winced at that. "But they seemed really happy."
"Yeah, that's great." He nodded, staring at him. "How long has this been going on?"
"Few years. I disappear for a few hours because we hold it on a closed realm that's out of time and space, then come back. Though...thinking about it, one we know of but who never shows up, I know about the damn alien problem that made them scared." He got up to grab the book to look at. "Yup, him." He shook his head. "So...yeah, not my life in this life at least." He put the book down. Bucky took it back. He grinned at him. "You could've asked."
"If you had told me I would've. How would any of this help us with upcoming things here?"
"Very few things I haven't stopped. Or someone hasn't. Clint got a few."
"Ah." He nodded. "Okay." He stared at him. "How bad is it?"
"It's a bit mentally bending. Sometimes, even we get a bit mentally twisted around. Though...even the evil me isn't *too* bad. He's a gunman and thief but the good guys turned on him on purpose." He shrugged. "He had his own kids though. There's a chaos artifact that we don't have here. We're all looking for it in our worlds to protect it."
He blinked. "Does it make you normal?" Yelena asked.
"No, it's an illusion band." He looked at her. "His is a bit more in depth than they usually are. It was a boon to pay him back for surviving and helping take out parts of hell for nine months thanks to a plot by the redheaded menace." She gaped. He shrugged.
"He got free, ran from them when they tried to take him out again, while fevered and really sick, only a few days after getting free, and ran into someone who needed help so helped him without realizing it. So he got offered training with a world famous gunman and his team." He shrugged but grinned. "But he's mostly a dark knight sort. He's one of our major comic geeks in the group. He has a library and learned Japanese to do his anime."
"So you're saying you're the normal one?" Bucky asked dryly.
"Yeah, I kinda am. Sorry." He shrugged but grinned at him. "I really, really am. I'm not a god, not a spy, not a time traveler, not a magic user...." He smirked at him. "I am really, really normal."
"Now I remember that headache," Bucky quipped.
"Want my headache tea? I have a packet here somewhere to brew when I need one for visions."
"No, it tastes foul, so it's a method of last resort. Thanks though." He stared at him. "How many things in there that could happen here?"
He considered it. "That I've been working against? Seven. Total. But I've stopped four completely. They won't be restarted. I've stopped another two partially, they have a chance of being restarted by someone. The other one I haven't been able to stop yet but I'm damn sure working on it."
"Could I help with that?"
"No." He shook his head. "Probably not."
"Damn. I was hoping."
Xander smirked a bit. "The evil me has the shot to turn on that GHS stuff or other genetic quirks like sentinel and guide stuff." Bucky shuddered. "And he's used it on godly me's realm to pay some idiots back for being a pain in that one's ass." Bucky slumped. "And one hero because he was also a pain in the ass." He grinned. "But he considers that great fun to watch."
"Oh, yeah, I'm sure he would," the US president said dryly. "What if we had needed to know something?"
"I would've told you. I would've brought the book with me to show you how it happened. A lot have videos." He looked at Yelena. "A warning," he told her in Russian, which was pretty poor in pronunciation. "She did not die in every life. And there's one in there that notes her."
She took the book back to find that and it did flip to that section, showing her a video. She stared, biting her lip. She looked up at him. He nodded. "Just thought about that actually. The bouncy one there is reminding me of Dawn at the moment, which made me think about that." He stared at her. "Which is why I'm warning. How old are the kids?"
"Young. Very young boy."
"That's early."
She winced. "Oh, god, no, I don't want to watch that." She handed it to John, who took it to see that video then blinked at the pictures. She glanced. Then shut the book firmly, handing it back. "I will take that warning for the moment."
"Sure." He nodded. "I completely get that, which is why I warned when it hit me. Sorry."
"No, that's fine," she said, swallowing. "She had a family."
"They have like six kids in their little family. Because a goddess decided her wife should have triplets to make up for a warrior that strong only having one heir." She choked at that, shaking her head. "That was probably Dawn's feeling while pregnant with triplets, yeah." He nodded a bit. Then sighed.
"I can let anyone into the book," he told Bucky. "All you had to do was ask. You didn't have to have this whole intervention thingy you have." He waved a hand around. "Plenty of us handed it to SHIELD or someone to watch them get absolutely roasted drunk."
"If I had known," he said dryly.
"You did know. You went 'ow, headache, shut up, Xander' about it. So I did."
He sighed. "Good point. Okay. Is there anything in there that could impact us right now?" John handed it back to him since it had opened itself. "Why this one?"
Xander got up to look. "Oh, that program. In his world, that Initiative program we stopped, they were making embryos to have perfect future soldiers. Strong ones. They combined people like me who are pretty good or at least okay and pretty hard to kill with really smart ones like on that tv show we watched with 'Drew.
"They had some born and a lot still in embryos. In his world, a tenth of all of them were his and he ended up with five kids at a farm in middle Georgia living like a Weasley. One of them was adopted because she was half-demon and he didn't want to risk her in social services." Bucky gaped. "So if it's going on here.... Bit worried I have kids somewhere actually."
"If so, we need to find that out," Alexei said.
Xander looked at him. "Yes, I will be. And if they're born, I guess I'm slightly retiring. Someone else can handle a sword and demon things." He grinned at Bucky. "I'll make sure they call you Grandpa."
"Please." He stared at him. Then nodded with a sucked in breath. "Oh, that's a bad thought."
"Pretty much, yeah. But at least I do know how to handle kids thanks to the minis."
"That's good, yeah." He nodded at that. He went into that profile to look it over. "I know that name. She was doing a status report to your committee last week," he said, letting that senator see it.
That guy blanched and looked it over, then left the room to call his assistant to see if that was part of it. "Embryos, not living ones," he said as he came back with a sigh of relief. Xander sighed too. "They're going to shut her down and confiscate them."
"Then I hope the notification to the parents goes well so they can decide what to do with them," Xander said. That senator stared at him. He stared back. "I'd want to know if I had some. So would the others. Would I use them? I have no idea. I'd probably keep mine in storage. Not everyone would and I don't trust the government, any government, to hold them."
"No, we don't," Bucky agreed. "If mine are in there, ditto." He looked at that senator then at the Presidents, who nodded they agreed. "That's going to be a cluster of fucks."
Xander nodded. "Probably. The few where I have kids, a lot are because someone got deaged apparently. Or some where I got deaged." He grimaced. "But I did get wished into happy families in those." He grinned at Bucky. "None of them were yours."
"That sucks." He frowned. "How were you deaged that way?"
"Certain redheads."
"Oh. That one." He nodded a bit. "It happens here, I'll kill her ass and raise you as my own."
"Okay. I'd like that. That and all the neat aunts and uncles." He grinned at them then at Bucky again. "I'll let you do that. You're on my paperwork if she turns me into a baby goat again too."
"Thanks, I can do that." He nodded. "And kick her ass."
"Please tape it for me?"
"Gladly, kid." He stared at him then sighed, going back to the book. He flipped. "GHS....okay." He read that over, then frowned. "That poor man." He blinked a few times. "If you had that hair, I'd cut it on you." He tipped his head. "Though he can hide weapons in it."
He sighed, going on with that one. "A team of Deltas, minions to help him, numerous underworld connections due to poker, and he's still plagued by people that won't leave him alone. Damn, that poor man." He grimaced. "What is that?"
Xander got up to look. "That was a present he got sent." He sat down. "There's also the sparkly weapons problem he keeps getting."
"Sparkly..." That picture switched to one. Bucky sucked in a breath and slowly let it out. "Wow, tacky." He looked at Xander, who shrugged. "Very tacky."
"It's a 'here, notice me' gift."
"Yeah, I can tell. Tacky."
"Not my doing." He grinned.
"Point. And you don't get that, right?"
"Once. But it was a nicely carved gun. It's in the storage box."
He blinked. "I'll.....Peters?" Xander nodded. "Well, at least he had art skills." He sighed, going on with the others. "Cursebreaker. Sure." He flipped a few more. "Oh, CSI and weapons designers. That's cute." He kept going and had heartburn. "Oh, that ...that one became president because they got him pregnant on purpose and he made a wish to give him their status if they made the slayers raise his son for even one day. So he ended up as president." He nodded. "How did he have a kid?"
"From what he and Lavelle shared, it wasn't *too* bad of a pregnancy. Bit weird the first time in Lavelle's case but not *too* bad or harsh." He grimaced. "Not my thing."
"Yeah!" He nodded. He paused at the next one. "Cursed world to the middle ages. You're the son of a warlord...name curse?"
"Oh, King Xander. Yeah. Princess name curse. Any first born princess would die. So they named the birth order, no matter the gender. So the second child was always called princess. He overthrew his drunken warlord father and brother, then took over. He married a really uptight warrior priest sort.
"But yeah, the middle ages basically. They have grenades. They have interior plumbing again." Bucky slumped, staring at him. "He's doing okay making his people heal from being under a warlord. He's actually pretty neat and really tough. He trains the war steeds."
"That poor world," John muttered, shaking his head. "Guns?"
"Some." He grinned at Bucky. "You guys were all in your own little country down south by one that seems to go with the CSI show set in New York. You guys have a ruling council. That me protected the you there to help you heal."
"That's great." He nodded once. Then sighed. "I'm starting to see why so many drank."
Xander shrugged but grinned. "We're all fantastic in one way or another, Bucky. We do that so we can stop that from going on in our own worlds. Which I have been working on since I found out."
"Yeah. That's good." He nodded, going back to it. "Awww, a deaged...what the hell was someone thinking giving you to that asshole?"
"Not my doing. Usually in those someone wished."
"I can see that." He heaved a bit and kept going. "Wow. Hate to see that." He flipped through a few more then handed it John again by tossing it over his shoulder. "How many more could occur here?"
"Not many. I've been fantastic stopping most of that. That plus the comic book knowledge? It's helped a lot."
"It has," he agreed with a nod. "I can see why." He stared at him. Then grimaced. "What's the most normal of you all?"
"One of me writes fantasy novels. Barely has any battles he has to deal with, doesn't hunt demons or vampires anymore."
"That's neat." He grinned. "That could really work for you if you were creative."
"I know and I'm not." He grimaced at the senators staring at him. "I'm really not." They sighed. "This me is who I am. Not one of them. And that's really good for me to be. Trying to be Lavelle would get me killed."
"Probably true," John agreed, looking that one over. "If only when you accidentally took over to make a syndicate." He shook his head quickly and went on. "But the kids seem great."
"They are. Now and then one'll come to the convention. Usually Melissa. She babysat the young ones a few times." He looked at Bucky again. "If it was pertinent or important I would've noted it to you. You know that."
"I do," he agreed. "Bit freaky."
Xander grimaced. "Yeah but I deal with demon things, Bucky. Bit freaky is almost part of my name."
"True," he agreed. He yawned. "I want to go over that later with you."
"Sure. However you want to do that we can have a few beers and do that."
"Good." He grimaced. "Are any others involved with Avengers?"
"Redemption kid me, the one that given to Stark as his kid when I got deaged? Otherwise, no. Not that I'm thinking of right off the top of my head. There's over six hundred of us." John shuddered. "Not counting all the Der army as more than one."
"It's really fun. We talk, we learn from each other, we learn skills, that's how I learned how to use a forge to help my weapons, we teach each other self defense stuff we've learned. Original president me is really good at that and tends to teach some of those with Lavelle.
"The GHS us tend to cook. They like to cook. Many of us come back with leftovers. They switch gifts around if they want to. We cuddle them because they all get kidnaped too often. The ones who have bigger things let us copy their stuff so we have a copy for our own uses."
"That makes absolute sense," John said, staring at him. "It really does. I'd do the same thing with myself if it was offered. Though I might have to beat a few of them to death maybe. So why didn't you mention this?"
"Because no one ever asked and I did mention it, I got told to shut up."
"You could've told me."
"I was going to let you come with me this year."
"Oh, that's neat. I might like that." He stared at him. "Is it really weird?"
"Depends on who you ask. The one Miami GHS one's minion tends to just get drunk when they have to attend. Mostly to hide from the kids."
"I can definitely see some commandoes doing that," he decided. "Not all of them are really good around kids. Even teens." He blinked a few times then sighed. "Wow."
"Yeah. But it's a lot of support and help. I usually come back really bouncy from the energy we give to each other. It's a lot of support and cheering each other on, that stuff. They got really happy with the competition when I shared that."
"That's great," Yelena agreed with a nod. "Are others in uniform?"
"Not that I can think of outside Redemption kid me depending on the life. Most of us just handled things as Watcher Harris. The same as I did before I got here."
"Totally reasonable," the Canadian president agreed. "Can we look it over?"
"Of course. I've still stopped most of it. It won't give things like political problems mostly. That's very much an 'I handled it' sort of manual."
"That's fine. Could you find out bigger political things?"
"Beyond the peace cult? It's really not something we pay a lot of attention to unless it's going to impact our duties. If there's a revolution or civil war, we pay attention to those, they impact the girls or us."
"I can see that point," the US president admitted. The agents came over to get it to go over together. That might lessen the psychic damage. They hoped. Though they all wanted to drink within a few minutes.
They looked at Xander, who shrugged but grinned. "Not my doing."
"No, probably not." They went over things. "Too bad we didn't have this before Thanos."
"A few of them had him show up and a few had some unique ways of helping. Including bringing someone who had done an ascension rite to fight him."
"The giant demon worm?" Bucky asked. Xander nodded with a grin. "Why...power. That would take his power. Thanos would hate the giant worm...."
"Tried to eat the glove."
"Ah." He nodded at that then sighed. "Oh, that's a bad idea."
"Yeah, there's a few of those too. Sometimes you gotta use the butt plan that you have to yank out."
"I can tell that." He took the book to go over. The agents took it back gently. "Fine, I'll get it later tonight."
"Yes you can," they agreed.
One raised a hand. "That...pool?"
"Cupid had said they needed the holy dildo spring to visit their base," he said blandly. "That me had mexican food that night for dinner. The higher ups mandated any child of a chaos god had to do something to power them. It combined to create the holy dildo pool that would make sure you got where you needed to go by pulling you in."
He grinned. "Which Loki has moved a few times apparently. Especially during a multi-realm merge to fight HYDRA and Ultron." Yelena burst out giggling at that. "It was nice of the Valkyries to fight it for the guys on Atlantis."
"If it happens here?"
"I'll shout a warning as I run from the tentacles. Though, if you catch me running from something, I'd probably generally follow that urge."
Bucky nodded. "Yeah, I took that lesson years ago." He shook his head quickly then sighed. "Guys, we're really sorry if you need to drink."
"We hardly ever use the bar in here," the US president said. "Beers only, people." They nodded at that restriction and got some to help them while they made notes. He looked at Xander. "Was there anything in there we had to know about?"
"I have asked people to stop that coven a few times, mostly the locals. They haven't. They keep saying they're nice people. They probably are. They still want to bring more magic to this realm by turning us into the Forgotten Realms. I do not want a dragon to kidnap me."
"No, I wouldn't either." The president nodded at that, going to see that one. They showed him and it was...weird. "Has any agent looked into that?"
"Noted a report about them doing harmful things and then noted that they were a coven, so just weird and they couldn't do things because magic wasn't real," one said dryly. "I sent that to my supervisor, who agreed magic wasn't real. So my partner and I will go talk to them, Sir."
"Please do." He handed the book back. "That embryo program?"
"Ask Marjorie, sir. I'm in here so my assistant is handling shutting it down," that one said.
"Call her again, get me a sit rep and find out an ETA. I want those embryos inventoried and noted so we can tell the parents." He sat down again with a sigh.
"While it's weird, it's something I'd do and I think most of us would," the Canadian president noted. "So I don't blame them for doing it and making the problem manual. This one seems to be able to handle stopping anything that they've found." Xander nodded a bit. "So that's handy and if he had needed help he probably would've asked for it." Xander nodded again. "What's the next big thing based on visions or whatever?"
"One of us up there is a serial killer."
"Damn it," Bucky sighed. "That makes sense. Patrocin?" Xander nodded. "No, he's a goner if I get my hand on him."
"I was going to go up and stop him by knocking him out and putting him on the middle of a frozen river. He likes to do that to his victims."
"Nah, we'll just shoot 'im," John told him. "Semi fatally so he can pay for that. Because he makes us all look worse than even the ones who hate us think we are."
Bucky looked at him. "You find him with a victim, take him out and down, save them if you can. You know that. Otherwise let him confess and let him end himself." That got a grimace but a nod. He looked at Xander. "I would've went with you."
"We usually only bring our spouses or boyfriends or girlfriends and our kids. We hardly ever bring a parent."
"I can see that." He looked at John. "Tell us all when you go."
He nodded. "I can do that. When is it?"
"Few weeks." He grinned. "We both have that day off. I was sneaky."
"That's fine. I don't mind surprises." He stared at him. That was a blatant statement they might be dating. Which he wasn't sure they were ready to do.
"Sometimes we do bring buddies. Or someone who can help us with stuff. One of me brought Wade to the convention and he apparently drank heavily. I had that vision with the kiddo again." John grimaced. "I was hoping one of them would have an idea and you should hear about it since it's about you and your son."
"True, I should." He nodded a bit. That was a great cover story. Or maybe Xander was trying to take it back. He'd talk to him later. Make sure where they stood.
Xander looked at Bucky. "I can ask them if you can come."
"Please. Are there others of me there?"
"Not that attend but I know you're in at least one other one's world. Maybe the Uncle Phils sub-convention can include you guys this time. I can ask."
"Please. I'd like to see how they handled the memory shock." Xander took some paper off the center of the table to write a note and had something summoned from his car to send it then. "You have a mailbox?"
"Of course." He smirked a bit. "Sometimes you need an immediate consult. I know the main Uncle Phil is now retired so maybe he's bored too. Not sure. I know he had some upsetting news but I think that was a grandkid."
"That could be fun." He glanced at Coulson, who was grimacing.
That Phil Coulson appeared, looking at himself. "That is the most unique way any of us have come back. That's really good though." He blinked a few times. "Much nicer than elixir of life, bringing one back to make him an anchor so they quit coming to another reality, or any of the other ways I've used. Are you still SHIELD?"
"SHIELD is gone," the president said, staring at him. "You were still SHIELD?"
"I was the Shield of SHIELD actually. As the God of Heroes, a lot of them were mine. And some really weird people we'd like to not be heroes. The twelve-year-old who was apparently looking up to Stripperella really needs to go home again. Not sure what sort she has, that's something to look at later." He grimaced.
Xander grinned at him. "Send her at a Buffy."
"No one deserves that."
"That'd get her training. They could help her with her uniform. Make it slightly hoochy instead of fully hoochy. It'd protect her until she was of age."
"Actually...not a bad plan for those reasons. Though I don't know which one I could ask to do that."
"Mage Xander." He grinned. "She needs stuff to do. She has the kids."
"Welllllll......" He considered it. "That would mean she'd take drama lessons from Loki."
"But also management. She'll probably end up helping a group some day."
"True. They do tend to do that." He sighed. "That's actually a good idea. I'll see if she agrees."
"Time runs differently on all realms. Does she have a few months?"
"That could actually happen."
"Did your mate get the message about that other Prez Xander?"
"He did and had a good cackle with Lavelle." He stared at him. "Why?"
"We had to evacuate people to get away from a witch-pocalypse."
"Ah." He nodded once. "That's a good reason. Huh." He blinked a few times then sighed. "Very weird." He looked. "Just found out about the book?" Xander nodded. "Well, have some fun with the drinking later, people. I've seen six different versions of SHIELD fall down drinking."
"Well, we are magnificent," Xander quipped with a grin for him.
"Some of you more than others," Phil assured him. "Young GHS Xander really needs minions. A lot of minions to help him." Xander pointed at Yelena. "He does know her on his world. Two of the younger Widows live in a treehouse by his pool."
"He's twenty-one. He's pretty soft, pretty respectful. Find the version of Lavelle's Melissa on his realm."
He considered that. "That's actually a good idea and she might be a Widow or they'd probably know who she'd be. I can bring Yelena to meet with her so she can find her. Or him if it's a gender switched one. We found one that's not Lavelle recently."
"Awww. Did a witch do it?"
"Yes." He grimaced. "Though it wasn't that one. It was one in Africa. He ripped her a new one too."
"I like that idea. I'd definitely do that." He grinned again. "Make sure she can use weapons?"
"Oh, she can. We made sure." He looked at that Phil. A demon appeared to take his minion away from that corruption and got the wrong one.
"Awww, that poor hell," he quipped with a grin. "Ooooh. Worse than Lavelle did I'm pretty sure." Xander grinned at that Phil Coulson. "A few years back some of us stepped into a heaven versus hell battle that one of us was stuck in the middle of as a demon hunter.
"Between original Prez Xander, Sividia Xander and his mildly naughty Sam spouse, and a few others, they really gave up within days until there's no more hunters that learned from them." He grinned. "During an earlier time of going to play on his reality, they got him on his way to get Taco Bell while clubbing. They were not happy to get Lavelle instead."
Phil Coulson came back dusting his shirt sleeves off, shaking his head. "Absolutely uncalled for and pathetic to try." He looked at that one. "He's not going to treat you as a pet any longer." He smirked a bit. He got one back. "How does the bike compare to Lola?"
"I miss flying in Lola."
"So have Lola possessed," Xander quipped.
"I can, yes. Though it might mess up her programming." He went with that Phil to talk to him. As soon as he left the room he had the fiery head back on so no one knew it was him. Almost no one knew. Clint Barton walked past him and hit him in the face hard enough to knock him into a wall but kept walking.
Clint walked in, staring at Xander. "He hates Lilah."
He nodded. "He probably thought it was slightly selfish but yeah, he's taught her a lot she hasn't realized. She's got to do the work to find it sometimes. But yeah, I can go over that with her. I am a crap teacher though." He stared at him. "I handle things, but I am crap at teaching it."
"You taught me," Bob said.
"True, I did try." He looked at him. "I can step in to help her. It's not a huge problem. I'm mostly waiting for the next thing right now."
"Thanks." He grinned. "What's going on?"
"The Xander convention problem manual."
"Ah." He nodded. "I found that in your stuff and went over it when I was holding it for you. Some of those...very interesting yous." Xander grinned at that. "I'll bring her to New York in about a week?"
"I can be there."
"Okay. Thanks, kid." He ruffled his hair then left them to talk.
Xander looked at the staring people. "Her friend got kidnaped by a killer. She went out of her body to find her when no one listened." That got a few nods. "I had to help her back and then find the friend to get her help. That killer will never have peace unless someone else intervenes. He'll walk the Paths forever."
Bucky shuddered. "I agree he deserved it but that's still a horrifying thought."
Xander nodded. "But he deserved it."
"He does," he agreed, staring at him.
"Do we know of him?" one of the agents asked. "Just in case we have him as an open file?"
"They found him in a national park," Bucky told him. "So I'm assuming someone has the file by now. Or I'd hope. Some agents, you never know."
"True, we have a few of those." He sighed. "A few too many in some agencies." Bucky nodded at that.
One of the other senators cleared his throat. "No jury trial?"
"Not for the guy who told her fifteen-year-old self she was too old," Xander told him bluntly. That got a shudder and a nod. "Otherwise he might've kept her for a few years like his last one. He's had sixteen victims that I saw staining him. Hell no I'm not going to count on a court. Not with him trying to make sure she was dead because she moaned when I put her back in her body. I believe in justice and sometimes a judge can't give that."
"No, people like that, they don't get justice from the courts," that agent agreed with a nod. "Is that girl okay?"
"I think she should be fine, but not sure. Ask Barton. His little girl went after her to help her. No one listened to her."
"That happens and it's unfortunate," the agent agreed with a nod, going back to the book. "Hopefully that kid'll be okay."
"I hope so too." He looked at the others. Then at Bucky. "Want lunch?"
"After this. It's rude to let them handle it on their own."
The presidents smirked at them. "We want you on hand so we can ask you stuff, Harris," the US president said.
"That's fine I guess. I just have to eat sometime soon please. They've been making sure I ate more often than now and then. It made Yelena yell at me." She nodded that was true. They were going over that life and looked at her then let her have the book back on the newest family photo of that family.
She stared, biting her lip. She tried not to giggle. "She looks so exasperated at the youngest three," she said. She blinked. She wouldn't mention the wrinkles starting, the few gray hairs. She let Alexei see it, making him get emotional too. "One of them survived."
"One did," he agreed, handing it back. "We will go sit outside to consider how to send her a letter." That got a nod. "That way she knows of ours." They went to do that. Ava looked after them but John shook his head subtly. She and Bob settled back down to wait on them to come back.
The US president looked at them. "You guys can go have lunch."
"If we're not here, Xander might not eat," Bob said. "Bucky had to order us to force feed him once. Which was a bit weird but it felt good to make sure he ate."
"I can do that," John told him, getting a nod. He and Ava went after those two to get them to lunch. It'd calm them down. "Bob had some fun making Xander eat by stuffing his mouth on him." Xander nodded with a sigh. "It worked, he did eat."
"I wasn't that bad. I was just living on thin rations."
"Uh-huh." He looked at the president, who was staring at him. "We can handle it, sir."
"Of course you can, Walker." He stared at him. Then he mentally shook his head because he didn't want to ask. At all. Ever. He did not need to know.
Xander was reading on his phone then sniffed about an hour and a half later. "People, I'm smelling gas," he noted loudly. "And I don't know why." They all sniffed and got out of that room. Yup, there was someone. Someone very stupid. Xander attacked them before the Secret Service could with Bucky and John following him.
That one screamed in outrage but died and his accomplices all tried to run but didn't manage it. Bob and the others were coming back from lunch so they were trapped in between them. They went down but didn't die. That helped and they could figure out what they had done. The rest of the white house got evacuated for a bit just in case.
"Nice hit, Xander," John said, patting him on the shoulder. "I'm glad I helped you correct that punching problem you had."
Xander looked at him. He opened his mouth then sighed. John winced. "Thanks, John." He grinned.
John stared at him. "Just cheering you on?"
"I can like the cheering section."
The presidents shared a look then looked at them. "Take him to lunch, Walker," the Canadian president ordered. "You two and Barnes can come back in an hour or so." They nodded, going to find lunch while the others guarded the white house staff. The Canadian one looked at the US one, who shrugged.
"I'm not asking," he told him.
"That's fine I guess. Is that his...what did they call it, bromance?"
"Maybe his new one. He had one who died. The press talked about a curse on the shield." They walked off together talking about their various heroes. Canada didn't have as many but the US might lend them some if they wanted. They had plenty. They could share.
***
John got them to the hotel room they had rented for the day to rest in if they needed a break, talking about what to pick up for lunch. Which was a nice thing. They delivered but Bucky decided to go pick it up and check on Sam for a few minutes to give them privacy.
The door closed and Xander was latched onto the bottom of John's throat to nibble on it, making him tip his head back and moan. "Xander," he muttered. "We should probably figure a few things out."
"I'm good." He grinned at him. "If we are or aren't that serious, figure it out. You're the one that needs to think about stuff like Olivia. You've already met my family."
"That's true, that is something to think about." Xander went back to nibbling and making him shiver. He got the urge to kiss him, really kiss him, and decided to go with it. He usually only did that during relationships but Xander... he was getting there. He pulled his head up to kiss him, making them both moan at it.
That...it felt nice. It felt good. It felt like when he kissed Olivia or Lamar. That...felt almost right. He did it again and Xander wrapped him up, pulling him closer. That felt good too. So maybe they were together at the moment. "We don't have time to do anything," he panted as he pulled back to breath.
Xander grinned a wicked little grin. "Oh, I can do something," he teased. "We have time for that." He walked John to the bed and pushed him down then moved to unbutton him and expose some skin to him and his biting, nibbling little kisses. Randomly over his chest and stomach, making John wiggle and grip the bed. He smirked before he licked over the head of his cock, making him groan at that.
He gently stroked him until the first bead of precum came out, then wiped that off with a tissue before going back to kissing and licking the head before suddenly going all the way down on him. John nearly screamed at that, arching up at that sudden heat, warmth, the feeling of being gently sucked.
"Fuck!"
Xander pulled off to look up at him with that same grin. "If you ask really nicely and we're not due somewhere in forty minutes." He back down on him, making him groan and try not to grab his head to hold him down to thrust up at him. Xander pried a hand off the bedspread to put on his head so John gripped it but didn't hold him down.
He let Xander handle the direction this time. Xander was making sure he got happy enough to get loud again. He came with a pant, eyes squeezed shut, sighing once he caught his breath. He kissed his stomach as he got him back into his pants, then looked up at him. John pulled him up to kiss him again, then flipped them over. "You...."
"I am not a selfish prick," he said, staring at him. "I give as good as I get." He grinned. "Unless you don't want?"
"It's so rare it's almost mythical," he admitted. "I've seen more unicorns than I've been given blowjobs."
"Then I'll make sure I make it a mythical level of good." He teased Xander, making him tense up and almost chant at his teasing.
Bucky knocked because he didn't hear much noise. "I can give you two ten more minutes," he called. "Then we've got to leave in another six."
"Yup," Xander said sounding strangled. "Maybe."
Out front Bucky rolled his eyes but sat down to put on his headphones and read on his phone. He wasn't going to interrupt.
John looked at the door then at him. "He's got his headphones on, I heard their case unzip." He went back to teasing him and making Xander beg. He wanted to hear the begging. He really wanted to hear the begging. "If you ask," he offered with a smirk.
"Please, yes?" he said, staring at him. Then the best thing happened, John gave in. He wasn't used to that. He whined, wiggling some but John held him in place and did what he wanted to do, making Xander make needy, whiny noises until he finally came with a shout. "Oh, John." John came up to kiss him, just holding him for now. "Oh, you cuddle! I ...cuddles." He pulled him closer to cuddle and kiss for now, calming down.
"Cuddles are the best part of sex," he agreed quietly in his ear, making Xander nod. He made sure Xander got held all he wanted in the time they had left. That calmed him down to normal Xander levels again. When Bucky tapped on the door again they went to clean up in the bathroom.
Xander stared at his throat, then winced. "Sorry, John. I thought that could be covered up."
He touched that bruise then shrugged. "The collar can be held in place by my jacket." He slid into it and adjusted it so the collar was covering the hickey. Xander had a few too that made him adjust his shirt until they were covered. Then they came out, grabbing their bags of sandwiches to eat in the car.
He managed to brush his teeth before getting out of the car, and Xander used some toothpaste on his finger to do the same thing, spitting as he got out then rinsing out his mouth and handing John the bottle of water to do the same thing. That got spit into a plant and they went into the White House again since it looked like everyone was inside.
Bucky just followed. He had brushed his teeth at the motel. He really needed to find someone to do that with. All that fun, stress relieving things that also came with cuddling in bed.
The agents with the book were on their third beers and only about six profiles in. The presidents were meeting with some of the senators over some problems they were foreseeing. Bucky got sucked into that while Xander got to answer more for the agents. When he started to drift off, John handed him to Yelena, who blinked at him for that. "Do I need a lap friend?" she asked quietly.
"Yes. I just spotted one of his weapons contacts outside," he admitted, staring out a window. "He might feel mercy for them." She nodded, letting Xander cuddle up against her. An agent came over to look and sighed, going to find that one and talk to him.
The guy let himself be caught pretty fast and easily. "I need to warn Xander. Someone shot something over to this reality that's a bit weird and worrying. They've had a few visions of it and we're not sure when it'll be," he explained.
"He's drifted off next to Belova after lunch."
"Is she dating him?" He pouted. "We can't compete against her."
"Not that I know of. Walker put him next to her to guard him."
"Oh. Well....." He grimaced. "She saw two different things being shot from the same realm to protect it here. One was native and used to send the other here by powering the send over. I don't know what the giant robot thing is called though, but she thinks it'll be today and up in New York."
"We'll get them up there. Thanks. Any idea where?"
"Some smaller park with some trees. Not Central Park. Maybe by a museum."
"We can let him know and make sure they get up there. Thank you for the help."
"Welcome. I was the only one local enough to get to him since they're not at the Watchtower."
"No, we had a meeting earlier." He walked off. "Barnes," he called loudly by that doorway. "Huge problem coming to New York."
Yelena nudged Xander awake, making him blink at her. "John had you nap on my shoulder while one of your weapons contacts was talked to."
"Oh, that's cool. You are comfy to nap on, so thanks, Yelena." He sat up with a yawn. "What's going on?"
"Apparently someone sent something from another realm here using something they had to power it over. They may both be problems," that agent told them from the doorway. "It's heading to New York sometime soon and it'll be in a park with some woods around it, maybe by a museum."
"There's three spots," Bucky said. "With trees, there's three good ideas if it's not Central Park."
"He said it wasn't."
"Okay." They got up and went to the plane to go up there. The agents with the book came with them and the book. Just in case it was needed. Xander grabbed the mailbox to send out one to see who had sent what. No answer yet. That would come once they were off the plane because the twenty foot tall robot was easy to spot on the outskirts of the city.
Xander stared once they had landed. "That's a bad thing," he said, then nodded once. "That is a sentinel robot. In their worlds, the US had them created to pick up and contain mutants into a concentration camp setting. They had registration and went full Nazi asshole on the mutants." He blinked a few times. "Really hard to kill. The head has to come off."
He looked at Bob, who looked confused. "Bob, you have to help. We'll need Sentry for this. They're super powerful and dangerous as fuck. The head has to come off. The powering center is in the chest. The stomach can sometimes have a holding area for any mutants they pick up. They can have laser defenses and were trained against any known mutant power. Including flight."
"Okay," he said. "I have no idea...."
"Flip over, Bob," he ordered. "I don't want to get loud but we *need* him. He'll just kill Sam. Or Falcon. We'll need slightly able to not be destroyed. Sorry." He shrugged a bit. He looked at what he had and got something out of the warehouse, coming out. "I've got three parts. Where is the other?" he muttered, doing a summoning on it. That got it.
"It'll take me a few to put it together," he announced. "And I don't have the trigger. Or the battery." He summoned them, bringing them from whoever had taken them. He put it together while the Thunderbolts worked on that problem. He looked up at a shout, wincing. "That's a kid. Save the kid!" he yelled.
He looked at the agent, who waved a hand and took the part he had to install. Xander ran off to get the kid out of the way. "Run, into the trees, hide like hell," he ordered when it got free of the hand Xander got off the robot. The kid did that. The parent was knocked out already so she'd find him later somehow.
"Sentry, take the damn head off!" he shouted. "Before it hurts more kids?" Bob winced but did that, and Sentry flipped back to control of their body to help with that. He understood why. Xander wasn't mad and being loud for that reason but because it was important. He heard the laser weapon arm up and ran back to grab it and fired it on the chest area. It opened a spot. He fired a second one, and it was weaker.
"Damn batteries," he muttered. Cable took it. "Please. It may be dead." He saw Bob get knocked back and fight back. Xander considered what he had. He summoned something artillery to use, firing it on the thing's chest cavity. He had one more shot. He tossed it at John, using the movement to grab Kamala Khan around the chest when she came over.
"No," he growled. "It'd want you. Shoo. It's after those who're mutants." She glared at him. "I mean it! Shoo!" He spun her toward the trees. She tried to help but almost got captured immediately. She fought it off and came back to help. Xander nodded and decided on a wacky plan. He summoned a few sea creatures. He sent them at the parts they'd do the most good infesting.
The octopus could easily foul the brains of that thing. The jellyfish were in the chest cavity. "They're electro-conductive," he called with a point. "Zap the fuckers." Cable did that while he got another weapon that was mythical as it didn't technically exist int his reality. Or his. But the nice thing that had come with the Sentinel was a stargate and it was their weapon. Since the gate was partially open....
He summoned like a mofo using the hellmouth taint. He tossed Yelena and John both a staff weapon. "It's a laser staff." He fired his, making them nod and figure that out and use it. Alexei got some artillery from the local military guys. Bucky was helping Kamala. Cable was using his own gun to help fight it off. It wasn't getting out of the area.
Wade ran up to them. "How do we fight the giant robot?" he called.
"Head has to come off, has laser defenses, wants to capture and eliminate all mutants," Xander called. "Their people put them into concentration camps. Power center is in the chest, stomach may have a holding area with any it grabbed already. Move Captain Marvel there." She flinched, which made her move out of the way of a grab. He fired again, ripping into the chest.
"Okay," Deadpool agreed, jumping up to climb up the thing and help with the head area.
The thing's head spun around. "Mutate known as Deadpool," it said. "Enemy of the state, capture at all costs. Death sentence already on file as a terrorist."
"I sure can be," he quipped, taking a swing at the head joint. It tried to fry him with a laser he could duck under and go back to helping. He was at least keeping its attention.
Xander hit the doors for the storage area then pointed. "Get 'em out," he called. "Alexei, evacuate the kids it's grabbed." He nodded, going to do that with some of the military people. "This fucking sucks. I wonder which one had this appear." He frowned, going back to it. He saw Ironheart flying in with another being, who looked a lot like Queen Shuri. "That could be good or bad," he decided, going back to the firing on the thing. Ironheart flew at it, trying for the head. Sentry made himself help her with that. Shuri was firing on it.
"Why are there sea life in there?" Shuri called.
"They conduct electricity," Xander called back.
"Oh, good!" She fired on it, letting the hostages get free since the door was blown off to help Alexei getting them out. Then she went back to the chest area. It sure did conduct all sorts of power and the Sentinel Robot stated an error but then said it was self fixing so she had to fix that shit.
Xander got the head joint loosened and nodded, firing next to where Wade was to get a wider spot there. Wade took advantage of it to use his sword to get in there. Ironheart and Sentry hit it together at that spot to make it go sideways.
"Self repair function started," the sentinel noted. "Optimal performance in five minutes."
Xander grimaced. Then he nodded at something, calling something else over. It came from another Xander's world that knew about stargates. It had his personal sign on it. He took that off and looked it over then looked over. "Shuri, arm it, send it to Ironheart," he called, tossing it at her. "Splosive."
"Oh, charming. For the head I'm assuming." She did look it over and figured out how to arm it really fast then gave it to Ironheart flying over her to send it into the neck area. It did blow the head off, and damaged it.
"Self Destruct...." it started but Shuri put up portable shields once everyone was clear. It still rocked the area with the explosion it created. They all stared, panting a bit.
"What the hell is that thing?" Shuri demanded.
Xander leaned on his staff weapon, staring at her. "In their home world, the US put up a program that forced mutant registration," he noted loudly so everyone could hear. "They were to pick them up, put them into the concentration camps, and to eliminate any who fought back."
"That explains why it considered me a terrorist," Deadpool quipped. Xander nodded. "Wow."
"It killed thousands of mutants just for being born. Of all ages and status. Even those who were latent and not awakened." He looked at her then sighed. "Someone sent it from their world to save them, and apparently they decided we could handle it." He shrugged. "The gateway, it comes from a program called Stargate. In some it's a tv show and/or a movie, in some it's a reality.
"The gateway is open. Probably connected to their system at home. Which is a group that goes traveling across the universes to visit and make the world new friends and enemies." He stood up and waved the staff weapon. "Theirs. That bomb came from one of me who works with one of their programs. I borrowed shamelessly with the staff weapons."
"Okay, that's freaky but good to know," Shuri said, nodding a bit. "Why did they send it?"
"They may not have been able to deal with it. They could've only sent it off."
"I can see that," she decided then sighed. "Riri, you good?"
"I'm fine, Shuri, thanks." She landed. "That thing's a monster."
"They had hundreds in the comics. Anyone in a uniform, anyone with a genetic gift." That got a wince. "Yeah. Basically. Took out all the teams, everyone it could. But thank you for the help, ladies." They grinned at him. "Cable, can the laser cannon be recharged?" he called.
"Needs new batteries, it melted it," he called back. "Looks sweet, has a bad design."
"Okay. Thanks." He sighed, looking around. He walked over to Bob. "I'm sorry I yelled," he said quietly, staring at him. "You seemed like you froze up. That happens when you're a bit new to battles like this." Sentry shrugged. He smiled. "If you want we can help you train to attack even when your mind is having a running away issue."
"Maybe." He changed back, staring at him. "I get why you yelled, Xander. It's okay." He gave him a hug, getting one back. "I am new at this." Xander nodded, patting him. "Thanks." He let him go. "I need to figure out how to do that."
"That's all training not to let the fight or flight reflex do more than attack," Xander admitted. "I did that long ago. Makes me feel dumb sometimes." He grimaced. Bob nodded he got that. "But thank you for the help."
"I don't want it here."
"Forger, your phone is going off," someone called from the plane.
"Please tell me there's not two?" he begged, heading back at a jog to get it. He answered. "What's up?" He listened. "They pulled you out of bed to handle something? I know that feeling *very* well. What does it look like? Well, I can tell you it's not dead. It's a particularly picky thing to kill. It takes blessed radiation. I have some in the warehouse. I'm nowhere near there." He headed for the car, which expanded and shot out the warehouse.
He removed his special spear that was holding the door closed and walked in. "Okay....let me check something first. No, the send me to a problem thing isn't showing you anywhere in the top five. Can you get it near me? Not like I can teleport. Oh, I do. I have three bullets left of the original five. They're radioactive.
"Yup, that's how I killed one of his brothers already. They are an ass to kill." He found that case in the safe and looked at it. "Okay. If I can get there really fast. I have no clue." He walked out. "Can anyone get to Bulgaria really fast, like within minutes, who won't be harmed by radiation?" he called.
"Radiation why?" John demanded.
"Total ass of a demon to kill. Super picky, I have blessed uranium bullets for that whole family." John blinked a few times. "Okay, so I'm going to try to call in a poker debt. Until then, keep shooting it in the head to bring it down for a few minutes. Should take me maybe ten or so." He hung up and called someone. "I need...I know I do but it's so far down the list it's not funny. It's like sixth from what I can tell."
He reshut the door with his spear and let it shrink, going back into the car and he handed the car to John once it shrank. "Please. No, first is the party in Bavaria and then the one in Tibet. After that.... it looks like a lot of bigger problems. Please. Thank you, Toby." He got sent there and hung up his phone with a sigh, handing over the locked case. "Gun's in there." Zemo took it to look at and then use on the thing. It screamed as it finally died.
"I knew my mother hated me," he sobbed as he died.
"She doesn't like any of you," Xander agreed to the corpse. He pulled out his sword to chop it into pieces and piled them together. "Let the radiation spread through it, it's blessed," he told the staring agent. With those clothes he had to be one. That got a grimace.
"The radiation is blessed with like five blessings, including from their mother. It's the blessing that'll keep it down and the radiation means that no one will dig it up again as it makes sure the blessings stays in the body. It has to stay in the body and if someone digs it up, it can be restarted.
"So once it's fully all glowy, bury the pieces separately however you want based on the radiation levels and never let anyone find it again." He took the case and gun back to relock up. He put it back into the lead case he held it in. The agent got a box in to lock it up further.
"Guys, that thing still has a brother, a sister, and a mother," he admitted. "Plus a noted but unknown younger sibling. I've only got the two left." He grimaced at the guy who had needed the help. "Trying to take over the city, the world, or just make new happy minions it could abuse?"
"Minions so far," he admitted. "So it could take over the world. They sent me because I have handled a few demons before." He would be killing the one who joked he was the next best thing to Xander being there later, when he had more leisurely time to enjoy it.
Xander nodded. "This is in the uniquely weird category of demons. That whole family takes radiating blessings to make it stay dead. There's one other I could use those on and it'd work but it's not the best option."
Zemo took off his gloves to put into the held out bag. "Radiation meter?" he asked them. They checked and he read okay but the gloves had some. So he had to buy new gloves. Xander read okay.
"It can't fight the hellmouth radiation in me," he admitted dryly. "I'm fine. But thanks, guys." He grinned. "They sit in the locked safe in my warehouse." He shrugged a bit. He looked at Zemo. "I have something that would bring me to emergencies but it'd pick the worst one first and yours was sixth."
"What's worse than this guy?" an agent demanded with a point.
"Well, first is the house party in Bavaria. The ones running it have a scent based mind fucking ability. It's actually one place I could send a GHS version of me and he'd be perfectly safe, but it does mind alter normals until they're willing to do anything for the one running it, which is usually Alphonse. You have to get to him to kill him to stop that.
"He and his buddies are running it so there's like ten of them you have to get past plus the altered ones who're willing to do anything they ask. I've been planning on coming over to handle that but things got in the way so I just warned the locals to keep people from going to join in until we can get someone in there."
"Would someone like Thor be able to handle that?" Zemo asked dryly.
"I'm not sure if Thor could or not. I know that anyone's who's got a self healing talent could fight it off but even Logan would get hit for a while and then come out of it in waves. As they kept getting him. So you'd need someone not human. This is a great time to have someone like Vision back but we don't." Zemo winced.
"After that... by the thingy it's the problem in Tibet, where an important temple is being threatened by aliens. I could probably go talk that down to drive them off. After that...is three major battle problems. And then one nice, fluffy thing that'll kill everyone in Europe if it's not stopped but someone is working on it to stop it.
"I warned someone who could handle that over here and he's working on it. The battle ones are frozen until someone else steps in to end it. Me appearing there would make it restart so I'd have a few seconds of quiet to work in."
Zemo stared at him. "We really must have people who can do what you do."
"One's handling that one problem."
"We need a full unit of specialist beings who can fly around and handle such things the way you do," he said, staring at him. "Please."
"I'll train anyone who wants to train. Finding people who want to train...." He shrugged. "The same as usual."
"Yes, we need to find people who want to handle things," one agent told the others, who all nodded. "There's that cult."
"Thankfully I did stop that warrior cult who wouldn't have helped and found your manual," Zemo said, staring at him.
"I could use it back. Please?"
"Gladly. I read it and took notes." He went to get it from the car and brought it back to hand over. Xander hugged it. He smirked at him. "This sort of thing was not noted."
Xander flipped to the right section, letting him see that. "That's this family." He read it over and went 'ah' a few times with a few nods then he took pictures of those pages. "That's the weird but a problem to swear about section." He let the agents see it too when one wanted to.
"That's my personal hunting manual from when I was training slayers at home. Most things are the same. A few things are slightly different. Which I noted in a different pen color in it so I realized that even if I was exhausted again."
"I can see why," that agent said, staring at him. "How many of these are there?"
"These problems?"
"Manuals."
"Hawkeye took a digital copy of mine way back when. He's shared it a few times. This is the only physical one I have." That got a grimace but a nod. "I'm not against anyone photocopying it. That cult stole it and then wouldn't give it back. But they wanted to be warriors. Who still wouldn't jump into things like this. I share liberally because I know I'm just one guy."
"That other hero probably added some of his own notes," Zemo said, then rubbed his forehead. "Can you put those back?"
"It's back in the car and the car is with John and Bucky. We just had to fight a sentinel that someone sent over to save their own realm."
He considered it. "How bad is that?"
"That US went full on Nazi about mutants." That got a wince from the agents. "Created the robots to gather and take out any who protested them being put into concentration camps to kill them. It killed most of the heroes on their realms. Down to newborns who were just born with a genetic twist." He grimaced. "But we ended it." He sighed. "And we gained a stargate that helped power the sending over so I summoned staff weapons."
Zemo nodded. "Can those be replicated?"
"Yeah. Probably. If we had some of the stuff."
"We should see."
"I can only hammer out swords and axes, those things." He grinned. "My axe still needs fixed because I haven't had the time to go work on the forge in my warehouse. But Ironheart was there and so was Queen Shuri. I'm pretty sure one's gotten hold of one of the ones I summoned."
"We need to ask them," another agent said dryly. "Just in case they make it onto the black market."
"I only take things off there, I don't put things on it. I use all the stuff I get," Xander told him.
"We know, Forger." That agent looked at the demon. "We can test each body part to make sure it is infected and then bury them later." They all nodded. The shields around that thing were holding well enough. "That one's siblings. Are they here?"
"One shows up on a realm for two days at a time. The confusion thing he inherited from their mother makes sure that humans can't stand to be around him hardly at all and he's limited to two days in a row tangible."
"Confusion thing?" Zemo asked.
"You know that story with Nemoton and the monster that is so evil that your mind can't comprehend it?" He nodded slowly, he'd read that one. "Their mother is his perfect mate and even worse at that. The kids all inherited some of that. This one was the weaker on that spectrum and he wanted fun power. Their mother was amused that her kids were trying such things."
"How did you stand that?"
"Oh, I just consider her something I know. I know a lot of somethings. Some are gods, some aren't. Some are horrors of the universe." He shrugged. "I can comprehend and not go insane knowing she's just something else."
"I hadn't thought of that." He grimaced then sighed. "Fairly simple methods." Xander nodded with a grin. "Interesting." He stared at the agents, who all grimaced at that idea. "What about when you're out of those bullets?"
"I have no idea. I'm pretty sure I don't know someone here who can make them anymore. He died a few years back during a battle he fell in to help me with."
"Oh. Sure." He nodded a bit.
"I could ask the convention if they had someone who could make me a new set."
"Convention...." he said, staring at him. "Where is that held?"
He grinned. "It's the Xander convention. We hold it on a sealed separate realm."
"Ah. So...all of you in the multiverse...." Xander nodded with a grin. "Oh, that's a headache waiting to happen."
"Sometimes. I usually come home filled with Xander energy so I'm a bit bouncier than usual." He grinned. "We show up, we learn things from each other, we help each other with stuff. At one time we raised the clone that got made of us. He's in his own realm now and he's safe, sometimes. His hormone problem sucks but he's doing okay enough most of the time."
"Hormone...I would like to look at whatever you shared with them."
"The book's with Bucky right now probably since I'm here. There were agents who were looking it over while drinking a bit. That seems to be a standard response to it."
He nodded. "You have made me do that many times."
"I'd hug you but I'm presently seeing someone nice and don't want to give false hope."
Zemo smiled. "Good! You've needed one for years!" Xander smirked at that. "I'll get with Bucky over that."
"Have fun with that. I've got to get home with these to store them safely again." He looked at the device he was holding. "So, let's go fix Bavaria...." The agent knocked him out. Many agents had done that to the guy to make him quit giving them headaches and helped him get to another problem to solve so they didn't have to.
"We'll send someone to handle those and let him go help his people," that one said, getting nods from the other agents and some laughter from Zemo. "Get him back to them."
"I can do that." He hauled Xander over his shoulder. "Hmm. You've gotten regular food again. Good!" He carried him, his book, and the locked box off to go to the airport. The agents called ahead so he didn't have any problems there or with the US.
The agents shared a look. They had the emergency transport device. They could figure out how to use it and how to get where they needed to go to fix things. They'd start by asking Thor to go to Bavaria with Logan or someone with a healing gift.
***
Zemo walked off the elevator at the Watchtower that night. Xander was in a proper wheelchair and he held the bullet's lock box. He held it up. "Radioactive bullets?" Bucky took them to put up for him. He knew where the safe in the warehouse was. Zemo watched him go. "I want to see that." He looked at the staring people.
"He was going to have to hit six other problems to get back here so they asked me to be nice to the boy." They groaned. "So agents are arranging for most of them to be handled without his help." The agents on the couch nodded at that and one saluted him with his beer bottle. "He said you were getting drunk."
"Yup, sure am," that one quipped. "Happily so."
"May I read that book?" They let him have it. They were mostly done with it. The last few didn't have much under their names that they'd have to deal with. They were just too drunk to go back to an office to make a report. But they had made impressive notes for their higher ups. Who'd probably want to read that cursed artifact and get drunk too.
Bucky came out shaking his head. "I had to remove them from the external lockbox."
"The agents put that in there."
"Figures."
"I did return his hunting manual."
"Excellent. I've wanted that too." He grinned. "Thank you for being so helpful."
"It got me away from dealing with aliens attacking a temple in Tibet. Or the demon house party in Bavaria that will alter your mind until you're willing to do anything for them. They're asking Thor to go handle it."
"I hope Thor's bored. That house party's been going on for a year," Bucky said dryly. "The others are probably more recent." He held up the transport device he had taken back from them. Bucky tossed it into the warehouse then used the spear to shut the door and the car got it back, hopping up to sit on his human's lap.
"John, come get Xander?" He came over to get him to put him to bed. Bucky held the car for now, then carried it in to help Xander nap. They came out together, John going back to dinner. He looked at Zemo. "You can be drunk on our couches too."
"Thank you. I may enjoy that later." He sat down to get into that book. That first one...it made him blink a few times. "Interesting."
The agents drifted off, sleeping off the cases of beer they had drank. They didn't even have weird dreams. Those beers had been very helpful to them.
"Now I know why there was that apology statement," Yelena said quietly. "It's probably very nice of them to do." The others nodded at that.
***
John snapped awake when Xander started to shift on top of him and was waking up. He stroked over his upper back, helping him wake up easier. "No more sedative," Xander mumbled, burying his nose in John's chest.
"I don't have a bit of that," he said dryly. Xander blinked at him, then grinned. "You okay?"
"I'm fine. Are you okay after earlier?"
"I didn't nearly get radiation poisoning."
"It can't get through the hellmouth taint."
"Oh. That stuff. Okay. If you're sure." He nodded he was certain. He snuggled in again, letting John smile and keep petting him. "Someone told me you were partially feral," he said quietly.
"Is that why you're petting me?"
"Yes it is." He grinned when he got looked at. Xander snorted but looked amused as he kissed him on the chest and put his head back down. Xander was like a pet that had been homed before but had spent a bit of time as an unwanted stray and was now being rehomed. So he had to be careful but gently get him used to normal things again. Thankfully Bob wasn't mad at him for yelling at him during the battle to do something. John would've too.
They had talked about that over dinner. Bob insisted he wasn't upset, he had frozen up and had just floated there. He'd have to work on that and he had made sure they knew he wasn't upset with Xander. Alexei agreed they could train with him to make sure he could handle things when he wanted to join them on missions. They had talked about the Sentry and Dark Ones helping problems too.
John watched something mystical petting over Xander's hair for him, blinking a few times. "Thank you, whatever is doing that with me."
Xander snorted, grinning up at him. "That's the local hellmouth. They pet a lot."
"I like it so they like it apparently." He went back to soothing Xander back into a rest. Xander did yawn and snuggle in, becoming a weight on his chest. John had never had anyone who cuddled that much but it was nice. Very comforting to be used as a teddybear. It meant he didn't have any bad dreams either. Even when the hellmouth started to pet him too. He guessed that was like family approving of you being together. Which meant he needed to introduce Xander and Olivia.
The petting lulled him back to sleep too. It was sweet of that mystical portal that was like Xander's fond aunt.
***
Xander looked at his notifications on his phone. One was prompting a lot of others. Which was odd. He followed most of the heroes he had worked with in case they had to send information in his direction or they were facing something bigger that he should jump into to help with. And now Yelena's social media account was saying hateful things about him and gay people. Great! Just great! He knew she didn't actually feel that way. Which was why he was only a bit pouty. He sent John a text message about that to see if she had actually said that.
John looked at his phone when it beeped then at the woman across the table from him. "Yelena, Xander thinks your twitter account was hacked. He said someone just put up something putting him down on it."
She ate the bite of food on her fork and chewed while shaking her head. "I don't have a twitter account. I know what one is, I've read some of them and got disgusted, but I do not have one."
"You sure do," Ava told her. "We all have one somehow. Most are run by fans, I had to *talk* to one of Alexei's last month." She looked at her phone. "Ooooh, yeah, homophobic and putting down Xander." She let Yelena see it.
"That is not me doing that. I like Xander and appreciate Xander. And personally why would I care what gay people do? It has no impact on my own life." She ate another bite. "When did that one get started?"
"Six months before we came together to defeat and then help Bob," Ava said after checking it. "So that probably leads back to the hand of Valentina and Mel."
"I had one once, but I never kept up with it. It's like ten years old and I only used it a few times in six months," Bob said. "I used it once recently but there wasn't anything new on it."
Ava shook her head. "No, you do have one, Bob. Started around the same time. Bucky and Alexei's are both newer and so is yours, all dating after we got together as a team."
Yelena nodded once. "No, I will not put up with that," she decided. "Let me call someone to see if they can help me talk to someone." She walked off calling and chewing her last bite of dinner. "Cinder, it is Yelena," she said smoothly. "Apparently someone is pretending to be me on twitter by running an account for me. May I borrow someone who has great skills to figure out who that is so I can go stomp on them and prove who the real Yelena is?"
She smiled at his assurance he knew that account wasn't hers but they knew who it was. They were an agent. "Yes, I would love to meet them and if they're running the others' accounts as well please, Cinder. Thank you greatly. Yes, that's my email still. I have managed to keep it for a few weeks this time. Thank you, Cinder." She hung up and went outside to find some reporter.
They were usually at least a few laying in lurk to capture bad pictures of them. She nicely found a local reporter out there covering the weather for some reason. "Ask us and we may allow a single camera up on the roof for pretty weather pictures," she noted. "Though we really must talk. I have found out people are pretending to be me. I will be talking to them to prove who the real Yelena is," she said with a smug look. "Agent or not."
The weatherman flinched, staring down at her. He had no idea she was so short! "Ma'am?"
She smiled. "Yes. I am Yelena. That one on twitter who is pretending to be me? They are in a deep hole of their own making. And I may use that idea after our...discussion about who the real me is and who she is not. As I am not homophobic and I appreciate Forger for what he's done." She stared at him. "You are the warning I am giving them so they have time to make out certain paperwork for after our discussion."
She walked off. "I will have them shut that account down as soon as I can as that was not me at all. Or Alexei, or Bob, and I doubt Walker let anyone use his." She glanced back at him. "He's too savy for that. I thought I did not have one. Well, we'll make sure that the real me is known better." She smirked as she went back inside.
The weatherman shuddered. "I feel very sorry for that poor, stupid human," he noted. Then he shook his head quickly.
The cameraman looked over the camera at him. "I wonder if it's the same one that tried to run one for Banner and Romanoff who got to talk to them about it and ended up running to an agent to beg for mercy."
"I don't think Belova has *mercy* like the Black Widow did," the weathreman said then cleared his throat. "But is great that those sentiments weren't hers and that she's not homophobic."
The camera guy nodded quickly. "Maybe Frankie could interview her. She's a good reporter and not scared of strong women like that one is. She interviewed Stark a few times."
"Maybe. We'll have to suggest it to her." He blinked a few times. "Were we live?" The cameraguy nodded with a smirk. "Well, that's great. So, let's get back to the weather today. Because I'm not a reporter, I'm a meteorologist." He smiled and went back to the upcoming weather problems they'd have soon. Unlike in the old days when Thor got tired of some storms and made them move on.
***
Story notes:
As the categories are still broken I'll remind you this is an mcu crossover.