Fury looked at the file he was handed by his second-in-command a few days later. He blinked at the sources listed then up. "There's a demonic intelligence agency?"
"Two different realms have them, sir. I talked to representatives of both. They were amused."
"How good are they?"
"I didn't know you waited until you were seventeen to sleep with your third girlfriend, sir."
He cleared his throat. "That's thorough." She smiled and nodded slightly. "You couldn't check using yours?"
"Mine's fairly bare because they really only care about people who are working to change things. Since I'm usually in the background they haven't paid much attention to me."
"Huh." He went back to reading, staring at a few of the entries. "We seriously underestimated Harris," he said quietly.
"Yes, sir, and they consider it highly amusing." She shifted her weight slightly. "We also miscounted how many lovers he's had and what sort they are. I'm having someone take custody of two of them that are in normal police custody. Though it is nice that he goes to them to get weapons for the girls if he can't find them on the poker circuit, sir."
Fury grimaced, looking up at her. "All substantiated?"
"Three aren't and I've marked them." She pointed at one. "No one's sure who that was but local stories say it was. The last one, Doctor Banner was nearby and he said he wasn't sure."
Fury shook his head. "How did we miss this?"
"Perkins did it, sir, and he thought he was normal because Summers said so."
"Uh-huh." He reread it and grimaced, wanting to take something for his stomach. "All right, we'll handle it." She nodded and left. He locked that file into his safe. No wonder Stark had wanted to know more about the kid. If he had known that first, he would've set both kids with him and not gotten into the pissing match that was nibbling at his balls.
***
Fury came back from his latest session of nibbling by Congress. Harris was a bit too evil in his book. He'd have to slow down his evil tendencies somehow before SHIELD got decreated and then remade. Even the President was scowling at him and he hated the Council people. They had no idea how bad this was going to be if they kept digging. Fury's plans had taken out a lot of harmful things but had left a few lesser bad things in their future way. Which could easily be taken down but he hadn't had to yet. So he'd do it now so they'd quit biting at him. He heard an alarm start at a station. "What's that?" he yelled, coming out of his office.
"Sir, attack on Cleveland."
"Get us there."
"Agents on the ground are there and said Summers had pulled out of the bad shit closet as it's named," Hill reported. She was listening to the feeds from the agents. It was not good. "Get a strike team there to take down the demonic mafia group we weren't aware of," she ordered.
"Get more agents on the ground," Fury ordered overtop of her. "They need more than a strike team to help. I don't want a single slayer harmed." Agents went hurrying out to handle those orders. They weren't very close. There was a sub-station closer to Cleveland and they were hopefully already there. Fury and Hill headed out to join the teams. If there was a real apocalypse battle because of this, they needed to be there.
***
Buffy looked around at the end of the battle, leaning on her weapon. "Oops, I think we broke Cleveland, but hey, no more demonic mafia sorts trying to take over the city." The other girls stared at her. She shrugged and blew some hair out of her eyes. "I didn't know this one would break a city. Xander said this was for the really huge problems that were attacking us."
"Which this was," Faith agreed. She looked at the mess. Broken buildings from demons killing them. Broken sidewalk and pavement from hers and Buffy's weapons. Broken demons littering the area. A few agents that were injured and getting treated. A few of the girls were barely walking. One wasn't moving yet but they could hear a groan so Faith motioned one of the responding paramedics to her. She looked at Buffy again. "I didn't know anyone built weapons that could break a city."
"Who knows where Xander found it."
Fury walked over. "Harris found that for you?" She nodded, smiling at him. He took it to look at. "Clearly tampered with. Can I get Stark to look it over?"
She took it back. "Only if he does it here. We might need it again."
Fury looked at her. "They're not coming back, Summers. Only three demons escaped the area and they were the ones working on your side." Buffy looked around again. "I'll tell him he has to evaluate it on site." She grinned and pushed her hair back. "Go put that up and get medical." She nodded, walking over the broken pavement back to the house. Which was pristine. Willow's shields had held very well so none of the really mini in the house had been more than shaken. Fury looked around. "Hill, help them get the really mini out of the house just in case," he ordered quietly. He had seen a tiny kid staring at the battle from a window. "That's dangerous."
Faith looked over. "Xander's pointed that issue out and we're working on it."
"He's got a house by LA. Send them there," Fury ordered. "Not like he can't take care of them." She nodded, telling Giles that. Giles was at a book nerd conference of some sort in Kansas City so he hadn't been there. She looked at the pile of chocolates that suddenly appeared and smiled. "Ladies, X sent his 'congrats' presents." They dove into the boxes, each one getting one. It left them one short for Buffy because she was inside being mobbed by the minis. She sent a text message to Xander's phone, getting one last one sent so no one had to share. Chocolate was more precious than diamonds in the slayer house. You blackmailed for Hershey's; for good chocolates like these were, you knocked them out and stole it.
Fury looked at Hill and smirked. "Should we do that for you?"
"A woman usually likes chocolate, Director, but I prefer weapons." She walked off. Faith and the girls were giggling at that. Fury was smirking at her back but it had been a good joke.
***
Xander woke up to find Nick Fury in his room staring at him. He glanced at the kids then at Fury. "What?"
"The mini slayers are heading to your house by LA. They finally saw sense."
"Giles was supposed to be setting something up." He made himself sit up. "When are they getting there?"
"Tomorrow morning LA time." He stared at him. "Who tampered with that weapon?"
"It had a few broken lines so I tinkered. Why?"
"It broke a few blocks of Cleveland."
"Oops?" He grimaced. "I heard it did some damage so I guess I turned it up somehow. Sorry?"
"No, it was what was needed." He stood up. "Stark did a real background check on you, kid." Xander shrugged and grimaced. "He heard about all the rescues you've pulled, all the former lovers, all of it."
"Did he show Buffy and have her freak out or deny it?" Xander asked sarcastically.
"No. Rosenburg saw some of it and said it was wrong. Including that you stripped."
"Yeah, I didn't tell them that. Willow's a prude and I didn't want to hear it. I would've when she decided I was *normal* again. Speaking of, weren't you charging her?"
"She's been given service to SHIELD as a punishment, in her cell each night, and she's no magic unless authorized."
"Then I'd get the spells around you removed," Xander said with a smirk. "See the pretty, shiny light? It's also a magic detector."
Dawn leaned in. "The minis are going to be at wherever you rented in a few hours."
"I'll get them up and cleaned up in a few, Dawnie."
"Cool. Fury, want me to unravel the Willow glow?"
"Please. Then we'll be talking with her. Where are her parents?"
"Are they still alive?" Xander asked. "We haven't seen them since they tried to burn her at the stake. We know they changed the locks when she went to college but otherwise they haven't been near her that we know of."
"Figures." He followed Dawn while Xander got the kids up and bathed, then fed. He heard Xander carefully waking Clint and Natasha. Something they'd have to do to the adult versions too. He clearly had a clue. Dawn got him 'unglowy' and sent home. He went down to Rosenburg's cell to have a parental talk with her. Someone clearly needed to unscrew her.
***
Xander came down to open the door when the van pulled up. "Thanks," he told the SHIELD agent driving. "Inside, ladies." They pounced him, letting him smile and pat them. "Welcome to my place." They ran inside looking for the babies and the kitchen. Xander looked at the agent, who handed over bags. "Thanks. Have a better day."
"They're good girls, outside of the music thing." He left, going to report to the local sub-station.
Xander walked inside and dropped the bags. "Your stuff's here," he called as he headed up to the nursery. Even the few that had wanted food were in there with the babies cooing at them. Xander grinned. "Ladies?" They pouted at him. "You guys can read to them later. Go pick your rooms and put up your things." They handed the babies back and ran off to do that.
Dawn appeared. "There, finally all shut up for a bit."
"You're helping?" he asked with a grin.
"Someone's got to teach them school stuff." She smirked and went to find them and help them. The girls pouted when they saw her but yay. "We can do lessons around the babies but you have to concentrate on them, not on the cuddling." They grinned and set things up so they had their special things. Then they ran back to the nursery to cuddle the babies. "Lina, you could probably take off your jacket," Dawn said as she followed them back there. She ran to drop it in her room then back. There were only four babies and eleven girls so they had to share and she'd miss her turn.
***
Stark looked up. "What?" he asked his AI. It had been trying to get his attention for the last few hours by clearing his virtual throat every few minutes.
"The house you had me monitoring has a new set of residents, sir."
"Who?"
"Mr. Harris and all the mini slayers."
"How did he rent Obadiah's old house?" JARVIS took a minute, then put up a projection of his former partner's will. Stark glared at it. "That's ...interesting."
"The will does not mention him by name but the later papers filed by the lawyer say that Mr. Stane had indeed named him privately to him." He put those up so his creator could look them over.
"Huh." He reread them. "Let's go check on our coworkers." He walked off, heading for the garage. He ran into Steve and Bruce on his way to the elevator and they followed because apparently Tony looked a bit pissed off. "Xander Harris inherited Obadiah's house that he kept for his mistress of the moment," he said once they were in the car.
"Interesting how lives connect," Bruce said. "That wasn't in whatever you guys were looking up about him?"
"No, not that I saw," Steve said, looking at Tony. "I'm sure he didn't have anything to do with the attack on you, Tony."
"No, but I'd still like some answers."
"We need to check up on the mini-agents anyway," Bruce said dryly, smiling at him. Tony smirked back. Bruce was still a bit creeped out by Xander. Anyone who wasn't scared of the Hulk wasn't really a normal, average, harmless person to his way of thinking.
***
Xander looked around. "Who is it?" he yelled as he walked toward the door. It was opened. "Oh, hey, guys. They're in the nursery. Two of the girls are being punished for being brats by cleaning up the messes they created on the way so don't step on the thrown cereal please. They're too young to use the vacuum."
Bruce gave him a pointed look. "What were they doing?"
"They threw massive fits that they didn't get first cuddle this morning of the kids. They slept in and the other girls were already well into their cuddle tormenting of the boys. So they threw tantrums and then their breakfasts. So now they're cleaning it up."
"That's a good thing," Steve agreed. "Might mean they don't do it again."
Xander nodded. "Buffy was warping them into spoiled girls like she was." He led them up there. "Guys, visitors. Why are you undressing Dean?" he asked.
"He stinky so we're going to change him." She handed him over with a smile. "Since you're an adult, you can do that. We're too little to look at boy butts."
"Yes, you are, and if you had told me I would've done it already." He took Dean to change. Stark followed. "What's up? You don't usually wonder about this one."
"How did you know my former business partner?"
"He used to come into the club I was working in while I was on my roadtrip. Right after you got back." He finished hitching the diaper and put Dean down. He crawled off to hide in the closet. "Good job, Dean. I'll let Dawnie find you once she's back from the doctor." He looked at the pissed off guy again. "That was after you got back, Stark," he said quietly. "He used to tip me because I gave him ideas on weapons and told him when something was faulty up the ass. He had a real problem with barrel sizes and thrust equations." Stark blinked. "He used to draw out new ideas and I'd give him ideas and help. It also let him play alpha male whenever one of the serial guys in the county showed up to tempt me to be theirs."
"Ummmm...." Tony blinked a few times, rebooting his mind. "I want into his safes."
"Sure. What safes?"
Tony went to the master bedroom first.
"I'm in the wife's room, not his. His bed was squishy."
"Sure." He searched in there, finding that safe and almost nothing in it. He went down to his former office and found the two safes in there to go through. He found a nice file folder of things with Xander's name on them. He looked them over, taking them up for the kid to look at. "When did you see this?" he asked, holding up one.
Xander looked. "About three weeks before I left there. Again, a thrust problem and a barrel issue."
"That's an early sketch of my Jericho system, kid."
Xander shrugged. "Okay, then you had a problem with barrel sizes and thrust equations," Xander said dryly then grinned. "He tried to talk me into going to college on his dime with a later commitment to work for him but I hate school."
"That's in here." He looked those over. "Huh." He looked at the young guy, who shrugged. "You're not that helpless, quit acting like the bimbo, Harris. I redid your background check myself."
"Fury said that someone had when he woke me up by sneaking into my room. Thankfully he's not dangerous enough to be my sort." Stark burst out laughing, walking off shaking his head.
Bruce looked over. "You're a bit warped, kid."
"Sometimes, but then again I've been hunting demons who used to be people I knew since I was fifteen."
"Good point," Steve said. He shook his head, smiling at Natasha. She was using him to not be cuddled by the younger slayers. "Ladies, sometimes babies need to rest without being cuddled."
"That's mean," one told him. "They need cuddled to grow up like Xander did."
"I didn't get cuddles," Xander told her.
"Willow said you did."
"No, Willow's never cuddled me. She wanted to a lot, had a huge crush on me, but we never cuddled. When did she tell you that?"
"We got into her diary." They all grinned.
"Uh-huh. Not reality then." They pouted. "None of them are huge cuddlers." Dean crawled in and pounced him. He put him into his lap. "For now, go back to reading to them. It's nearly nap time." They huffed but got books to share reading to the four babies and the adults. "This afternoon, Dawn said you're going over math stuff."
"Yay," they complained and pouted.
"Slayers have to be smart enough to learn all about demons, plus how to plan and how to shop," Bruce said. "Shopping takes math. Learning about demons takes research, which starts with reading." They nodded and sighed as a group but went back to reading.
"Giles has been a bit lax on the education stuff sometimes," Xander said quietly. "Dawn's not that soft on it."
"No one's seen her recently, is she okay?" Steve asked.
"She caught mono right before graduation. We've had her hidden," Xander said. "She's still in that fighting her way back to perky stage. She'll be here in a few hours."
"That's good," Steve said. He looked at Bruce. He knew nothing about mono.
"That can take up to a year to recuperate from," he told Steve.
Xander nodded. "It's been about six months. She's quit sleeping most of the day and she's back up to being able to move without body aches."
"Then she's on track," he agreed, smiling at Clint. "You look very comfy, Clint." Clint scowled at him. He grinned. "You do."
"He bites," Xander warned. "Thankfully they're both too young to get into the knife drawer."
Sam grinned and patted Xander on the knee, babbling at him.
"You'll be that big soon too," Xander promised. He kissed him on the head and put him back down. Sam crawled over to Dean and pounced him, beaming at him. "Great job, Sam. You made it finally!" Sam babbled and waved then cuddled Dean, no matter how much Dean fussed. "Yay, Dean. Sam's a happy baby today because he crawled. You got ice cream and he wanted cuddles. Suck it up." Dean patted Sam and let Sam cuddle him. It did keep the girls from more than cooing at their cuteness.
"What did Clint and Natasha get?" Steve asked.
"We found out she had crawled off to look at some pretty shells so she got them. He woke up me up out of a sound sleep so he got changed and got to pick breakfast first." He grinned. Clint smirked back and waved. "I'm not spoiling them rotten but I'm not ignoring them or treating them any different than I would the girls. Really, I'm not. We all know they're going to be adults again in a few months."
"A year from when you got them or a year from when the spell was done?" Bruce asked.
"I'm assuming when the spell was done."
"So about four months?"
"For those two. Dean and Sam got hit later."
"That'll leave you with the mini slayers," Steve said with a grin for them.
"Buffy said he can't have us for good. He might warp us or make us less slayer and more geek," one of the girls said. "So we'll get Dawn."
Xander nodded. "She's been kinda amazon about all the girls," he said dryly, rolling his eyes. "Any male influence would warp the girls, Xander," he mimicked. "We don't want to turn them into Andrew or you, we need them to turn into me and Faith. They'll learn more about guys when they're older and ready to date."
The girls giggled and hugged him then went back to their joint reading assignment.
"So you'll do what, go back to the roaming trainer?" Steve asked.
Xander shrugged. "I don't make plans very far ahead. If you do, you end up in the middle of something huge that warps all your plans or sends you to the hospital for weeks on end. I never plan anything more than a month ahead."
"No end goals of retiring?" Bruce asked.
Xander stared at him for a minute. "In our line of work, you don't retire, Doc," he said in Swahili, which he knew the doctor knew. "You go until you're either really horribly injured and then train or you go until you die. That's a reality I don't like the girls to hear but it's the truth."
Tony shook his head. "I plan on retiring some year."
Xander looked at him. "Really?"
"Yeah."
"Before or after the catastrophic injury?"
"Probably after," he admitted. "Then I'll find someone else to wear the suit." He sat down. "Nice reading, ladies."
"Thank you," they said, staring at him and sighing in pleasure. "It's so great that the guys we have on posters to look up to help us." Steve blushed but they all accepted hugs.
"I go on the 'sometimes you do what you gotta do' principle of life," Xander told the other adults. "Things pop up around me and I handle them."
"That's a good way to leave them early," Stark said.
Xander stared at him. "Should I even mention a missile and a portal?" Steve flinched. "You're just the techno version of me, Stark." He grinned. "You know how to use an assault rifle, right?"
"Yes," he complained. "Yeah, I can see me doing some of the same things but I would've called in backup."
"What backup?"
"SHIELD?" he suggested. "Local people?" Xander shook his head. "There were some."
"That were on the take to the bad guys usually. We always start by trying to work with the local law enforcement."
Bruce nodded. "There's a lot of officers that get a real paycheck from the bad guys because the official ones don't pay that well." Xander nodded that was true. "No agents?"
"No. Not like Fury's going to go 'here, have an agent to back you up while you train the girls in out of the way places that almost no one not native realizes exists'. Shit, the last time I ran into a SHIELD agent near any of those rescues and stuff, he was working with the bad guys to hype them so they could take out regional problems. I had a moment of 'I'll be damned' and sent them back home when I was done but I can't let that happen around the girls."
"What if they learn that from you?" Stark asked.
"We can't turn into a Xander," another of the girls said. "We're slayers, not boys. Even if we were boys, Buffy said that we're not allowed to be Xanders because the slayer spirit wouldn't like it."
Xander snorted. "She likes me just fine. The next time she says that, you can tell her I got visited after we banished her from the nightmares. We've had a few talks about the current slayers." They stared, mouths open in awe. He smirked. "All slayers, even the first one, wanted people to help them with their duties. It's lonely being a slayer back then. You girls have it a lot better. You get friends, you get people to help you with stuff, all that. The past girls got a guy like Giles or Waterbury and that's it." They hugged him and talked to Steve about how *boys* would help a slayer. He'd know, he was a military guy and a hero.
"That sucked bigger than they get now," Stark said quietly.
Xander nodded. "It did. We changed it with Buffy and look how long she's lasted."
"That's good. The girls need more backup."
"Will they eventually not be a group?" Bruce asked quietly, shielding Natasha from the cuddling in his lap.
Xander shrugged. "We don't know if they'll suddenly activate at a certain age now or if we've got potentials being born. No one's looked. It wasn't considered a priority."
"I can see that. Maybe now that they've got the girls split off into teams they can," Stark said, making that note to ask about that. He looked at Clint, who was scowling. "Hey, Barton, want a clean diaper?"
Xander got up with a moan and took him. "C'mon, mini archer. We'll clean that nasty ass up and you can hide some more." Clint smirked at him. "Of course, if you give me shit, I'm letting all the girls have you to cuddle, including the senior slayers. Even if you're back to normal." He whimpered but he understood that threat. All the girls would be more than happy to mob cuddle him in his adult form. He'd never be able to escape without magic. His plans of annoying Natasha later dried up because Xander clearly needed some nap time himself.
Dawn strolled up the stairs, looking in there. "I'm back." The girls smiled and waved. "Xander?"
"Changing Clint's dirty boy butt," one of the girls quipped.
"Ah."
"They should date," another girl told Steve with a grin. "Clint would know how bad boy Xander can be and Xander would be all gooey over him because he's a cute baby."
"It doesn't work that way, ladies," Dawn said. "They'd have to get to know each other as adults. I'm pretty sure all four of them are going to take some time out of view to recover from being babies. They've got to make sure they're still in training and all that." They nodded that was fine. "Then you can suggest it. Though they'd probably think it was weird."
"Probably," Steve said. "I probably would." The girls sighed but went back to reading for the other three kids.
Dawn walked up the hall, hugging Xander's arm. "The girls want you to date him when he's an adult."
"I heard." He shook his head. "I'm pretty sure he's not going to be into me. He's not that sort of dangerous that I draw. The other assassins have been harder and only used guns." Clint grunted and scowled at him. Xander grinned. "You're not as dangerous as Georgette is." Clint shook his head, he wasn't.
"Was she the one that took you hostage in the middle of a rescue and then huffed but helped you so you nicely sexed her up for it?" Dawn asked.
"Yup."
"Huh." She took Clint to put on his pants for him and back to the nursery. "Feel lucky we don't have to watch you regrow or we'd have to do the _Spy Kids_ thing with you two." Clint cackled, patting her. She grinned back.
"I look like a dork in a mustache," Xander complained. "Fake or not." He washed his hands and went back to the nursery. "Anyone else since I'm doing diapers?" Nothing so he sat down to go over a tougher book with the girls.
***
In the Central African Republic, in a tiny town that held a safehouse, a group of demons that were aligned with a terrorist group were having a meeting. The demons mostly looked human but had colored scales behind their ears and their eyes were a golden color with square pupils. The leader of the splinter group stood up. "We must do something to negate that warping by the heathen Knight before all our plans are unraveled."
"He isn't local right now," one of the section heads said. "They say he's back by his birthplace in the US."
"He would still come to rescue those heathen women who need to be reminded of the correct ways," the leader said. "We cannot have women acting like that. It's against all Laws."
They all nodded. Those who had the unfortunate run-ins with Xander were mostly missed but a few had escaped him. They loathed the way he trained those girls of his to be slayers. It was against all their religious laws for women to act like that. Proper women didn't fight, didn't use weapons, and didn't have that sort of strength. Even the higher ups that hated them for being demonic hated the slayers just as much.
"We cannot do the sacrifice as planned," his second-in-command said quietly. "He has managed to stop it both times we've tried and if we attempt to do a third one it will probably go worse on us."
The head nodded. "Then we need ideas."
"We need someone inside their group to tell us where he is," one of the section heads complained. "With that *witch*," he said with a spit on the ground, "he can show up at any time."
"He could also try to correct some of those women's heathen ways," another one agreed. "Do we have anyone who could infiltrate?"
"They'd have to be warriors, true warriors," one of the lesser ones said quietly but firmly. "Not many of us could handle the battles they do as they don't use guns. None of us know how to behead or stake."
"That is wrong," the head person sneered.
"Yes, but they're killing things that bullets won't kill. You base your attack on what you're attacking."
"That is true," the second-in-command said. "I could not handle one of their battles against those other sorts." The head guy grimaced but didn't shoot the one who had pissed him off. "Are there any of us who could take such training?" No one said anything. "Then we'd have to pull someone back."
"One of the ancient warriors who believed as we do," that one section head agreed. "Or someone who could be changed to be on our side."
"That is a better idea. We can always *train* someone to do that for us." He looked around. "What would we need in one?" They listed the attributes that they'd need for that called warrior. They'd need someone who could handle that style of combat and theirs when the time was right. You couldn't retrain someone to do that. Some things had to come already preloaded into their brains.
***
Xander stared back at the eleven pouty girls and the four pouty babies. They'd been in LA now for three weeks and the kids were driving him nuts. "I'd love to take you guys to the park but it's raining. None of you like mud even if you do want to get out in the fresh air."
"We'll learn to like mud. You promised!" one of the slayers whined.
"We can go when it's not raining. You'll get sick if I take you out in that and I can't handle all of you being sick." They pouted worse. He walked off. "Let me call the weather line, see when it'll clear up." He went into the office to grab his phone and look on the weather site. It was only raining on their side of LA and it wasn't due to stop for hours. The other end of LA was cloudy but no rain for a few hours. He considered it, looking up where something was. He walked back out. "Everyone put on sunscreen and hit the van." The girls cheered, helping him lotion down the babies so they could all be put into the slayer van. He got in to drive, looking back at them. "You girls give me one little tiny bit of hell or don't listen to me when I give an order and you've canceled the whole trip." They nodded. He started the engine, turned on the radio to something he liked, no matter how many times Dean, Sam, and the girls pouted. He drove them off.
"THE ZOO!" the girls squealed and bounced when they saw where he was pulling into.
"Watch me turn this van around," Xander warned. They settled down. The girls knew he was that mean. They had heard that he had made Buffy leave the mall once for being a bad girl and she was an adult. Xander got the stroller out to put the kids in. The girls all stared at him. "We're staying together. You do not wander. If you need to use the bathroom, tell me and we'll all go." The girls all nodded. Xander put the diaper bag on the handles of the stroller and walked them up to the ticket gate.
"Preschool?" the woman said with a grin at them.
"Slayers Council." The ticket girl blinked at him. He smiled back. "The mini slayers wanted out in the fresh air and it's raining on our end of LA."
"Aww, that's sweet of you." Xander paid their entrance fee and walked them in not even complaining about the $135 worth of tickets. "He's obviously got a lot of patience to have fifteen kids in the zoo by himself," she mumbled as she made note of the sales.
"Okay, we are going to the right. We will end up back here at the fish and then the children's area if you're not exhausted." The girls cheered and one pointed at the train. "You can't see the animals as well if you're not walking. You girls need the exercise anyway." He smirked. "We walk like the peasants we are, ladies. None of you were Cali princesses like Buffy or New York ones like Kennedy." They grinned and walked around him to the various exhibits. Xander told them about running into the ones he had. They took a bathroom, diaper changing, and rest break up at the play area at the top of the zoo, then headed down the other side. The girls made silly faces at the gorillas, but they were ignored. When they got back around to the LAIR exhibit area the girls didn't want to go in. "It's not all snakes and bugs. They have things like turtles, geckos, and lizards." The girls shook their heads and ran for the aquarium. "Okay." He pushed the stroller on. The girls were in awe of the fish.
"Xander, fish are pretty."
"They are and you still know the slayer pet rule." The girls all pouted at him for that reminder. "Sorry! Who says you're going to be in the same house for the rest of your young lives? Fish take work and aren't easily moved if we have to evacuate the house. They're even worse than cats, dogs, turtles, and parakeets. So I'm sorry but no. We can visit the fish, we cannot own fish." They sighed but went back to watching the pretty fish. Xander looked up and prayed for patience. He really needed patience sometimes.
One of the zookeepers came over. "Preschool?"
Xander smiled. "Mini slayers. We have a no pet rule."
"A lot of parents do. We have stuffed and glass fish at the gift shop, ladies." They grinned at her.
"Ow, there goes my paycheck," Xander joked.
The zookeeper smiled. "I think one's trying to slide out the hard way, sir."
Xander looked. "Yup, you're going to overflow in a minute, Sam. Ladies." They followed him to the bathroom. The girls all used them while he changed the ones that needed it. Then they got to leave because the girls were tired and had forgotten about the stuffed fish idea. He got everyone back into their seats and got in to drive. "Okay, home, nap, then dinner?"
"Dawn's probably not made dinner," one said. "Can we go to the pizza place?" she asked with a point at the sign up the street.
"Hell no! You guys would close down the pizza buffet and I'm not that rich." They pouted. "Pick somewhere cheaper than ten bucks for each of you." He started the engine.
"Taco Bell!" the girls shouted when they spotted that sign.
"Sure, we can drive through."
"Let's go through the one by the house so nothing's cold," one complained.
"I can do that too." He got onto the interstate and drove them toward the house. He knew where the nearest Taco Bell was. He and Dawn had to get dinner there a few times when the girls had eaten everything in the house before they had gotten dinner. He pulled up to the drive thru.
"Welcome to Taco Bell, can I take your order?" the sign asked.
"I've got a whole van full of kids so please keep them together. I want two soft tacos and a taco salad. Large Mountain Dew. Ladies? Oh, they won't remember but no onions on anything or else they'll whine." They called out their orders from the back forward, as Dawn had taught them to when she got them stuff from a drive thru, so Xander could repeat it. At the end he added something for the babies to eat and pulled up to hand over his debit card.
"They're adorable," the cashier said with a smile for him.
"I'm lucky they only wanted that much. Mini slayers eat tons." She laughed and let him punch in his pin number. He took the slip and his card back, driving forward. She told the line workers so they knew to keep them in that order. Xander handed them back as they came out. That made the girls happy. "Thanks," he told the girl in the window, taking his. "Have a good day." He drove off. "We eat at home, not in the van," he said when he heard a wrapper move. "We'll be there in ten minutes, girls." They waited and ran in once they got there to hit the table and inhale their food. Xander got the babies inside to feed them. The girls were babbling at Dawn about the animals and the fish.
"Wow, Xander was brave to take you guys to the zoo by himself." The girls smirked at her.
"They were good for the most part. No one tried to wander or bring something home, and they quit pouting about wanting fish." The girls babbled at her about the fish they had seen and wanted.
***
"Sir," JARVIS said quietly, interrupting Tony while he was soldering lines into a new design.
"What's up, JARVIS?"
"The listening devices you left in the slayer house have the girls nearly begging for something Mr. Harris said they may not have."
"Candy?" he guessed, looking up and putting the soldering iron aside.
"No, a fish tank."
Tony smiled. "They can't have a fish tank? Really?"
"Both adults have reminded them that there's a no pet rule, sir. The girls apparently all went to the zoo today and became enamored of the fish exhibit."
"They're brightly colored and the girls are all about the fashion so they probably thought they were pretty. Why can't they have pets? Don't the older girls get pets?"
"No, sir. There's been a few older ones pouting about that even though they stated they understood why there were no pets allowed. Including that they couldn't always evacuate them if something happened."
Tony snorted. "Whatever. JARVIS, buy them some pretty fish in a big tank for that house. I'm sure Harris won't mind. Much. There's that alcove in the hallway next to the room they're using for lessons that could house it."
"I'll look at the plans to get the relative dimensions and order them one, sir." He did that and ordered them online.
Tony shook his head. He didn't understand that. All kids got some sort of pet. The pet lasted a few years, passed on, and the kids learned how to handle losing things. All kids had a goldfish that got flushed, right?
***
Xander was doing morning diaper changes when he came to Dean's. He took off the wet one and looked at the kid. "You haven't crapped in a week. Are we having problems? Do we need medicine?" Dean grimaced. "It's not good for you, kiddo." He changed him and got him some medicine. Dean grimaced but had to suck it down. "There we go. If you don't crap by tomorrow it's time to go to the baby doctor. I'm hoping he doesn't have to use an enema or a spoon. I saw one guy in Africa that used a spoon when the slayer I was with got impacted." Dean started to fuss. Xander cuddled him, patting him on the back. "I don't mean to scare you but let the medicine work, okay?" He put him down beside Sam. "Wait here, I'll go get some oatmeal." He went down to the kitchen, then had to come back out to answer the door. "Yes?" he asked the delivery guys. "We didn't order anything."
"No, sir, it was ordered by Mr. Stark." They carried in the large tank, hooking it up to the bar sink that was in that alcove. That was handy. They carried in the gravel and pumps that went in first, then the water and fish. Xander was blinking at them. They smiled. "Do you know much about fish?"
"No, and I told the mini slayers they couldn't have any."
"That's probably why he did it for you, sir. Girls like fish."
"Yes, but fish take work, and they take feeding, and if we have to evacuate then they can't bring them. Which will then make them wail."
"As for work, these are snails. They clean the tank for you. The water hose is hooked up to a filter so it can refill itself when it needs to."
Xander just nodded, watching them put in fish. "Is that a shark?"
"Yes, sir." He put down the three jars of food. "You put a few good pinches from each can a day. The shark eats this one," he said with a pat on the top of the can. "They all coexist. This was one of our displays before."
Xander nodded, tipping them. "Thanks, guys." He was *so* going to throw a fit with Stark the next time he saw them. The delivery guys left. Xander went back to his microwaving oatmeal then took it upstairs. "Ladies, write Mr. Stark a thank you note for the present he shouldn't have given you," he yelled as he came up the stairs. The girls ran downstairs to find their present. The mass squeal was loud enough to wake up Dawn, which took an act of God some days, and the kids all looked worried. Xander sat down with the oatmeal, dipping out bites for all of them. "Stark spoiled them," he said quietly. "It means we'll have to make extra certain the house isn't attacked so they can't destroy the present. Plus remind the girls they can't toss balls around it or anything." He ate a bite of oatmeal then fed Sam since he was chirping for more. He got the other three and went back to it.
Dawn came down the stairs, pausing when she saw what the girls were babbling over. "What's that?"
"Xander said Mr. Stark bought it for us," one said, bouncing up and down. "Can you take pictures of it for the bigger slayers?"
"Sure." She got her phone to take film of them naming all the fish. She thought it was cute that the shark was named after Faith. The prettiest fish got named after Buffy because it was 'twinkly' and the others got named after the slayers. Doctor Banner became the crab they had in there with the fish and Mr. Stark became the turtle that was living up near the top. Captain Rogers' fish was blue and red so that went well. "Breakfast, and write him a thank you email, girls." They ran to the kitchen to make cereal and toast. Dawn sent that film to Buffy and uploaded it so it could go with the thank you letter to Stark. Xander must be having kittens but they'd deal with fish.
***
Back on the east coast, where it was nearly lunchtime, Buffy pulled out her phone when it beeped. She ran the video, smiling. "They knew I'd be the pretty fish."
The other girls took her phone to replay it. They all cooed over that. One took it up to Faith to show her. She laughed about being the shark. "We should get fish," the slayer handing her phone back said.
"With the way you girls break mirrors and walls, it's not really practical," Andrew reminded her patiently. "You've broken three walls this week, Melinda."
"Shoot." She walked off to tell the others. Xander must be throwing fits at someone about the mini slayer pets.
"I wouldn't mind fish," Buffy said, staring at their housemother.
"Then you'd probably better quit breaking windows," he said dryly. "Fish tanks are made of glass, Buffy."
"Oh, good point. Think Xander's okay with them?"
"Probably not. He'd be worried about how to evacuate the fish if something happened."
She nodded. "There's that too. That's why we can't have a puppy or a kitten." She went to talk to the other girls. They pouted but they knew the rules and the reason for the rules. They all agreed that pets were a dangerous luxury that would mean they'd get upset. Some demons would attack their pets to make them cry, or steal them for poker games to make them cry. They didn't want that.
***
Pepper saw the passed up email with attachment, reading it over. She smiled and called Stark. "Why did you get a thank you note from the slayers for fish?"
"I bought them a fish tank."
She sent the email and attachment video to him. "That's from them. Though the end of the email says that if they pout because they can't evacuate the fish, then they're letting the girls do it on you?"
"Harris and the Council has a no pet policy." He was clearly happy. "They'll be fine. Kids get used to loss via goldfish."
"I think those kids already know what loss is, Tony," she said quietly. "They know the bigger slayers could die at any time on any patrol." He shuddered. "But I guess fish would give them something to cling to."
"I didn't think about that."
"I'm sure it'll be okay. Did you make sure they'd only have to feed the fish?"
"Yup."
"Good job." She hung up and watched the video, smiling at the girls naming the fish.
***
The next morning, still no poop from Dean. Xander stared at him. "Can we give you more medicine?" he asked himself. Dean fussed. "I know, but you have to poop sometime." He heard someone knock and hoped that it was a good omen. It turned out to be a great one. "How often can you give a baby laxative?"
"Um....never as far as I know." He picked up Clint to look at. "Did you eat cheese again?" he asked with a grin. Clint patted him but shook his head.
"No, Dean hasn't crapped in a week. I'm hoping I don't have to take him to the ER for a baby enema or a spoon thing." Banner gave him an odd look. "The doc did it to one of the slayers that got impacted."
"Enemas are more widely used over here. Thankfully. I'd hate to even contemplate doing that on a little baby his age." He put Clint down and pressed gently on Dean's stomach, getting a fuss. "I think it's just tension that's keeping it up there. So let's try a sitz bath."
"I think I have the stuff for that." Xander walked off to check.
"Where do you get your medical supplies?"
"Underground docs." He grinned as he leaned out of the bathroom. "They like me, I only bring in huge things and they're already cleaned up and ready to be worked on." He went back to running the water. "Dean, want Sammy or someone to help you take a bath?"
"Sure, it won't hurt them." He got the boys into the tub. Natasha glared. He smiled. "Would you like to bathe with them, Natasha?" She huffed and crawled off to hide inside the mini's 'slayer house' dollhouse. "Okay. Come get us if you need us, girls." They cheered and went back to playing instead of reading. He went in to help Xander. "Just relax, Dean. The bubbling, swirling water will help some." Dean belched and Sam grinned at him for it.
"Wrong end, Dean," Xander quipped. Some gas did slip out, which was nice. They let the boys splash and play with a few toys until Dean got that 'thinking' look of concentration. Then Xander pulled him out and put him on the toilet. Dean wailed as he crapped but it had to come out. Xander patted his back. "I know but next time, crap more often. That way you don't get medicine or anything else. Even when you're bigger it's a good idea. Though, if you're in the bush, always check the bush or trees you're using for snakes and scorpions. I learned that lesson the hard way." Bruce burst out laughing, shaking his head. "I wasn't paying attention and peed on a sleeping snake. Thankfully a constrictor sort." Bruce was still laughing and shaking his head. Dean finally got finished. Xander got him cleaned up and back in the tub, which made his tiny butt feel better. "There, much better."
Bruce looked and nodded, flushing the toilet. "Not bad. What did you feed them?"
"Oatmeal. Cereal. Fiber stuff so it shouldn't have backed him up that way. Sam grinned and peed so they all got out and cleaned off, rediapered, and given back to the minis to play with. Clint hid behind Xander so the girls couldn't get him but that was all right. They expected that from the silly babies. Bruce settled in to talk to the girls, who showed him the fish tank.
***
Xander hung up the phone and resisted the urge to throw it. He grabbed something out of the files he had, jogging up the stairs. "Dawnie." She came out of the nursery. He held up the scroll. "When I yell, come use it. It's a checking spell," he said quietly. She went pale. He nodded. "Yeah, I think so." He headed for his room to change clothes, grab his weapons from the closet safe area, and then came out to hug each of the kids, even the babies. "I'll be back in a few days. Something huge is going on. You don't have to worry about it, it's not coming for you." He looked at Dawn, who nodded she'd protect them. He patted Clint on the head. "Behave for them please. Yes, she's a girl but she can give you a bath just as well as I can." He grabbed his pack and hit the amulet to go to Fury. "We've gotta talk," he said, staring at him. The other Avengers were in a meeting at the table.
"This looks like something we should all hear," Stark said. "That big?"
Xander looked at him. "You can't go."
"We can," Steve reminded him impatiently.
"You can't. First because it's in Afghanistan." Stark shuddered. "Secondly because I've been told that the same people that shrank your teammates pulled a soul back from the dead to infiltrate us after they've brainwashed him." Steve shuddered.
"Why is that so important?" Fury asked.
"Have you seen recent pictures of Sunnydale?" Xander asked dryly. Fury glared. "That was done by battling against the First Evil, who is given entrance to this world by a soul brought back wrong." Fury gasped and headed for his phone. "They gave me two sites," he said, following him. "This one and this one. They're not sure which. They did say that they took out the demon subset because they decided that demons working on their side made them unholy. Even if they were true believers. So they took them out, took their hostage, and agreed it was a good idea but he was going to infiltrate a higher target."
Fury looked up from telling the president that. "How would we know if they're brought back wrong?"
"Dawn has the checking spell. She'll come to my beacon for about ten minutes and do the spell then go back to guarding the kids. She's already calling a few of my ex's to help her. She knows she's supposed to."
"We have about six of them in custody," Agent Hill said from the doorway. "Sir, which teams am I calling up?"
Xander shook his head. "I need quick action strike teams, Agent Hill. Not agents. We're not investigating. We're going to grab the hostage, or hostages if they have more than one, bring them out, test that one to see if he's brought back wrong or not, send him back if he is, and then get the rest of us home."
She nodded. "What do you need, Harris?"
"SEALs would be good. McGarrett if you can steal him. I could use some more ammo. Better maps because this was as good as I could find."
"We can do that," Fury agreed. "Why him?"
"I worked with him in the past. He's used to me."
"Agreed." He hung up. "Files will be sent over within a half-hour. The two teams will be here by tonight. We'll give you a lift over and back. What can she do?"
"It's not her, it's her minions, the Bringers, that blew up the Council and took out approximately thirty-eight pre-slayers," he said quietly. "We never got an exact count and Buffy quit sleeping for a while when she saw the deaths in slayer dreams." He called her, putting it on speaker.
"What's up, Mr. Fury? The girls have been antsy."
"It's me and him," Xander said quietly. "One of my ex's told me that some terrorist demons trying to infiltrate us brought back a warrior's soul, Buffy. I'm on my way over to figure that out. Dawn has the girls."
"I'll send her help," she said, turning away from the phone. "Two of you go help Dawn with the minis. Everyone be on the lookout for Bringers." She turned back to the phone. "Do you know where Willow is so she can do the spell to check, Xander?"
"I gave it to Dawn. I trust her. She's not tainted by the original so she can't get a false positive. Plus, I think Willow's here with Fury. Dawn can pop over at my beacon for ten to test them."
"If so...." she asked quietly.
"Then I'll handle it," he promised. "I'm taking some SEALs with me. Including one I know. Be careful. Put out an all-slayer warning. My phone'll be off during the raid and we're going by tonight."
"Okay. Be careful and I'll tell everyone. Fury?"
"I'll tell my people," he promised. "We'll be watching too, Summers. Including the seal out in Sunnydale."
She sighed in relief. "That's right, it's out there. She can't open it here."
"Not as far as we know," Xander said. "Have Giles check?"
"I can do that. Be safe, we'd miss your goofy butt."
"Not my first rescue, Buffster." He hung up and looked at Fury.
"Hill, get him whatever he needs from our armory." She nodded, leading him down there. He went out to call a mass meeting, including getting the people overtop of them and the other bases into it. "Everyone." They stared at him. "Harris, from the Council, has been told that a group in Afghanistan has brought back a soul to infiltrate us. Unfortunately, bringing back a soul can bring back the First Evil being that ended up in the destruction of Sunnydale. We're presently leading a mission to find them, test them, and end them if they are a conduit. I need everyone to be up to date by the end of an hour on the Bringers and the battle out there just in case." His section heads all nodded and hung up. The higher ups were staring at him. "He's going over with some SEALs."
"He needs to end them no matter what," one said.
"If they're not brought back wrong, nothing's going to happen," Fury corrected. "They can test for that. If so, Harris or one of the SEALs can handle it. If not, they'll be removed. Since they were planning on infiltrating the Council, and then the people who took them from the demons who called them back were planning on using him to infiltrate us, we believe it's a former agent," he said more quietly.
"He should still take the safest route," one of the head people said.
Xander walked up behind Fury. "Butt out, bitch." She gasped. "Since two of you are demonic." He gave them pointed looks. "And one of you I've dated." He gave him a pointed look as well. "Shut up." They all glared. He stared back. "It is the Council's call, not yours. If there's nothing wrong with them, then they're safe. That would probably take a higher being to do than the demonic Al Queda group." They slumped. "I know my duty to the slayers and the world. If they're safe, then we'll be helping them. If they're not, then we'll be handling it. So please, just watch for the Bringers, okay?" He looked at Fury. "Where am I meeting them?"
"Here." Xander nodded, walking off. Stark pulled him aside to talk to him but Fury looked at his bosses again. "Boy's right." He looked at the former 'date'. "I didn't think you were that evil before. Clearly I was mistaken with who and what he dates." He hung up on them.
"His brother-in-law's a vengeance demon and introduced us," Xander quipped. "He was bad in the sack and pretty damn dumb, which says something coming from me." He went back to hearing what Stark had to say about how many agents had died thanks to Loki. It was most likely a recently departed soul so it was probably relevant. Xander nodded he'd make sure and tell them who it had been. He went to wait on the teams to appear and the maps to be given to him. Fury even put him on with the closest base over there so they could set up surveillance for them.
***
Xander looked up as the two SEAL teams walked into the briefing room. "McGarrett." He gave him a back slapping hug. "It's real bad."
"How bad?" he asked.
"First Evil bad." They all winced. They had been briefed on that on the way over. "Some demons who were part of Al Queda...."
"They let demons be part?" one of the other SEALs asked.
"No. Once they found out they drove them off. They became a separate sect," McGarrett said. "That's how two hunters and two SHIELD agents ended up shrank down to babies that Xander's raising." Xander nodded. "Same group?"
"Yup. Were going to infiltrate us to teach us better than being heathens." The guys all shook their heads. "Pulled a soul back to 'reeducate' them to do the invading." They all stared. "I have not been able to narrow it down to less than two bases, guys." He pointed. "They're close together. We have a local unit sitting surveillance for us. Both are thought to have hostages. We think this one is more likely so we're hitting it first." They all nodded. "We'll quin jet in, this spot is as close as we can safely get since we're not able to safely parachute into the ravine." They all nodded. "It's five miles and I know that'll suck huge on the way out."
"We'll handle it," another of the SEALs said. "How good are you, sir?"
"He's the one that took down that group we were rescuing from," McGarrett said with a smirk. Hill walked in a dossier so they looked it over. "I didn't know some of this."
Xander shrugged. "I think someone had hero worship afterward but the girls still wouldn't believe it even if there was film." They all smirked at him for that. "My only target is that one guy. If there's other hostages, boo-ya. Get 'em out." They all nodded. "I'll be going in as one of you and shooting just as many jackasses. Once we find the guy, my amulet can summon Dawn for a few minutes. She'll do the spell. If he's clear, he comes with us. If not, he doesn't make it out." They all nodded.
"If he's not at that first one, we'll free any and all hostages, send them back with that unit, and move to the second one," the second team leader agreed. Steve McGarrett nodded that was good with him. "When?"
"Now," Agent Hill said. "The quin jet is up top. There's an extra box of ammo in case you need reloads going to the second base, boys." They nodded, following her up. They all had packs and gear. They all had a lot of bullets. Xander had spares beyond that level. They had a pretty wooden box of ammo in the quin jet waiting on them. They went over the maps on the shorter-than-average trip and rested while they could.
***
Xander shot someone as he kicked in a door. "Hostages but not them." He moved so the group with him could handle the normal hostages. His amulet was starting to get brighter. He could hear someone behind a wall saying that they would never find them, that they would fulfill their destiny and purpose. Xander blew the wall with stuff his pack always had in it - it was damn handy to have plastique sometimes - and shot that guy, moving over. "Found him," he called. He summoned Dawn, who came and did the spell over the broken, beaten body.
"Not wrong," she said. She cast a mirror for a final check. Nothing. She went back home and Xander helped him up and out to the other hostages. She'd wonder who had really brought him back but she didn't want to tangle with a higher power today.
Xander looked around. "We clear it?" The teams nodded. "Dawn cleared him so we can go unless you guys really want to hit that second base anyway."
"We're giving the unit the extra ammo," Steve said. He helped get a few of the people down to the compound's jeeps. They wouldn't need them. The Army group watching their backs came down to raid the base. Anything like material goods could go to a poor village nearby, it was probably theirs anyway. The rest could go to Army Intelligence.
***
The jet landed and medics rushed up into it. "Him," he said with a help of him onto a gurney. "I'll go with him. I don't have any injuries," he said quietly. The nurse nodded, letting him follow.
Willow showed up to do the spell. "Xander...."
"Dawn tested him and mirror tested him, Willow. He's not."
"He is."
"He's not. You're tainted. You've got way too much power. Call one of the Devon Coven in to do it too. That'll be a tie breaker. I'm sure if we have to, we can use a needle full of something." She nodded, summoning her mentor. She walked over and did the spell, shaking her head. "Clear?"
"Yes, he is. Though he's in no shape to do anything. Willow, help me do a healing spell," she ordered. Willow stepped up to take her hand and lend her energy. The body on the bed relaxed and passed back out. She looked at Xander. "That was foolhardy."
"I had Dawn check him there. Willow did another one and thought she found something."
"That's her own taint from the hellmouth. Why do you wear that?"
Xander grinned. "It helps and it sucks off the remaining output of my hellmouth."
"That's not a bad idea." She left with Willow to talk to her about what she had found. It had to come from her and be a remnant of the spell to bring back Buffy tainting her.
Xander leaned on the bed, looking over as Fury came in. "Yours I believe?"
"He is." He looked at him for a moment then at Xander. "They're going to try to take him out anyway." Xander nodded. "We can send him to a discreet hospital."
"I can take him in once the bigger injuries are healed. The kids would love to have someone new to fuss over."
"Agreed." He left to tell the others. He saw Stark waiting on him. "You knew?"
"If they wanted a warrior who could infiltrate, I didn't think you'd have that many of them. One's tiny, one's female and tiny, one's your second-in-command, one's Sitwell, and one's dead."
"You were right. He's in pretty bad shape but cleared." Tony sighed in relief, nodding. "Harris is going to protect him for now."
"He does a pretty good job. I worried about his lifestyle around the kids but they seem to like it."
"None of the assassins he's dated have done more than coo over the kids and asked him to move in so they could raise them together, Stark."
"Awww. I'm sure Romanoff would adore that." He rolled his eyes, going to talk to Banner and Rogers. He walked in and paused, nodding. Steve hit a wall with a grimace. Bruce was taking calming breaths. "They cleared him." That calmed them down. "We should pop in on the kids more often."
"I can do that," Bruce agreed with a slight smile. "They've only got another two months until they reage."
"The minis will fuss," Steve said quietly. "They're all very fussing girls." He looked at Tony. "How is he?"
"It'll be a few weeks by the cameras." He pulled them up for him. Even with everything cleaned up and stitched, he still looked bad. You could barely tell who he was by all the swelling.
Agent Hill walked in. "Gentlemen, we need your help moving him to somewhere safer." She turned off the video feed.
"Like with the bomb, even though we were fixing it, they wanted the easy, fast solution," Steve said. She nodded. "Will they ever stop?"
"It will be known that he's had three tests and passed all of them. Rosenburg redid hers after doing some personal shielding, which meant she quit leaking power all over him." She grimaced. She really didn't like Willow being with them.
"We can help you get him moved back there. After all, there's a number of good, private, quiet hospitals that the stars go to for plastic surgery," Stark quipped with an evil smirk.
"That would work. Arrange it and let me know. Mr. Harris is already back there with the youngest slayers." She left them to plot.
"We can help," Banner said. "I'm not sure how good his after-care would be." Stark nodded, starting to make calls to arrange things.
***
Xander walked back in and hugged Dawn. "Thanks."
"You okay?"
"I'm good." She nodded, letting him take a shower for now. Then he got a room set up. The girls could wonder but they'd handle it.
***
Clint and Natasha had noticed that things were weird around one room and they wanted to know why. Xander and Dawn had both went in there a few times a day with things and never came out with them. The door was always firmly closed so no one else could get in, and there was a lock on it that the mini slayers couldn't get open. They got off their cots and crawled over there, noticing the door was slightly open. Clint pushed it open and Natasha crawled in first.
Xander looked down, picking them up to put them in his lap. "I was wondering how long you two were going to take to sneak in here." He pointed. "Someone brought him back," he said when Clint started to fuss and whine. He cuddled him. "Someone mean hurt him and he has booboos, Clint. You can cuddle him when he's better," he said in his ear. "We're taking good care of him so he's getting better. By the time you're both yourselves again he should be awake."
Clint settled down to scowl. Natasha was doing the same. The man on the bed was awake. Xander had stopped his sedatives a few days back. He was pretending very well. "So, anyway, guys. The same people that made you both babies brought him back." The man on the bed twitched. He let Clint onto the bed and let him aggressively crawl up to sit on the guy's chest, making him moan. "Clint, broken rib, little guy." The guy shifted the baby and blinked at him. "Welcome to the mini slayer house in LA," he said quietly. "I'm Xander."
"I...."
"We know and we know Stark has the house bugged so don't do that until we're sure no one's in his feed. I'm pretty sure someone is since they sent poisoned fish food at the girls for their tank Stark bought them."
"How?" he asked with a point at Clint then blinked at Natasha.
"Same people."
"I heard that part."
"They were going to be sacrificed for power and luck. They were considered powerful sacrifices but not innocent enough for the one they wanted to call on so they fixed it for them."
"Uh-huh."
"About five more weeks."
"That's good." He looked at Clint. "By then I might be out of bed."
Xander smirked. "You're more than welcome to get up and take a shower now. There's a shower chair in there. Kitchen's downstairs but I bought you soup." He pointed. Sam crawled in and cooed, patting Xander until he picked him up. Then he plopped over to the bed to crawl up him and stare at the new guy. He grinned.
"That's not human."
"No, that's Loki. He's been taking over Sam now and then. Watch me banish your ass again." The spirit foamed up and left. "Thank you! Dumbass! Do you really want to restart the war they almost got us all pulled into?" No more Loki. Xander grinned. "He and his brother were hunters."
"That's interesting." He yawned. "Am I okay?"
"We made sure you weren't brought back wrong. Which you weren't. There's people that want to take you out anyway. Probably the same ones that sent the poisoned fish food."
"Probably," the guy on the bed agreed, petting the cooing Sam. "You're adorable but you drool." Sam cackled and licked him. The guy looked at Xander. "Then what?" Xander shrugged. "No great plans?"
"I'm only evil when you fuck with me. Ask Fury how he nearly got taken out by the IRS." He smirked. The guy moaned and shook his head. "For now, you'll rest. You're alive again so you can make your own decisions as long as you pass all the 'I haven't been brainwashed' tests that SHIELD wants to give you in a few months."
"Reasonable."
"Good. Then let me change Clint and Sam. Natasha, need a new diaper?" She glared at him. "Hey, I rescued him, okay? We're helping him heal. By the time you're a big person, he'll be out of bed. Deal with it for the next few weeks, sweetie." He stared at her. "Now, need a diaper, Miss Buffy Clone?" She shook her head, looking down. "Okay." He put her on the bed and took the two boys. "I'll be right back."
The guy looked at the baby. "Does he treat you well?" he asked quietly. She nodded and grinned. "You're okay?" She nodded. "Is Clint?" She nodded again but shuddered when she heard a squeal. "Ah, there's other kids here." She nodded and patted his chest, staring at him. "Worse than Prague but better than Belarus." She smirked. "I think you need changed."
"Probably." Xander took her and handed him back Clint.
"You good?" Clint nodded. "Are they cuddly?" He growled but nodded, cuddling up against his neck when one of the minis peeked in. "I'm okay."
"Do you need fussed over? I do it very well with the other minis."
"He's got huge battle booboos," Xander said, coming back with Natasha. "You should be in bed." She pouted. Xander stared at her. "Really. We're probably getting visitors tomorrow." She ran back to her room to tuck herself back in. He followed to do that and then brought Natasha back to the room, closing the door with a kick. "Eleven mini slayers," he said, putting her on the bed.
"Visitors?"
"Stark, Banner, and Rogers have listening devices here. Banner's been over a few times to check on those two and make sure I'm not warping them too much." He grinned. "They should be by soon since they'll realize you're awake."
"Thank you for the rescue."
"Welcome. It's what I do." He stood up. "You two, crawl back to bed within an hour." They scowled. He stared back. "Keep it up, be in the playroom allllll day tomorrow without Dean and Sam to distract the girls." Clint shuddered. Xander grinned. "Cuddling is good for you and Dawn bought them a Care Bears video yesterday." They both whimpered. "Then be good kids and I'll let you hide during it." They nodded and settled in. Xander went to his own room.
"I agree, that's mean," the guy told them quietly. "Almost torture." The kids both nodded. "We'll figure it out. You can hide in here with me." They yawned and fell asleep on him. He was too weak to move them. Xander came in and took them back to bed. "Thank you." He pulled over the broth to drink, moaning at the flavor. It was really good, strong broth. His stomach quit cramping and he relaxed. That was better.
***
Stark grinned as he was pounced. "Oh, no, it's a super villain."
"Am not, butthead."
Dawn smacked a spoon on the counter and glared. "Don't make me beat you before I've had coffee." The girls giggled and ran off to pounce Captain Rogers. They adored him.
Stark looked at her. "Need another nap?"
"Yup." She sipped her coffee. "She knows not to call people names." She pointed. "The guy's up and in the shower, that's what woke me. The girls are watching Care Bears today because they need more sensitivity."
One of the slayers leaned in. "Is there a slayer bear?"
"No, they fight things with love and hugs." Dawn smirked.
"That's never going to work on vampires, Dawn. We can't hug them unless we're Buffy. And she doesn't slay those ones." She ran off. "Care Bears hug." The girls all groaned.
"I need hugs," one of the girls said. "We should steal the babies so they know that hugs are nice and quit hiding from us." They ran up to grab them but the kids were already hiding. Xander glared when they opened his door. "Babies?"
"Nope." They ran off. He threw something to shut the door and shook his head. Dean and Sam were in his closet. "Don't play with the weapons until you're of age," he complained. They quit and went back to quietly hiding from the mini slayers.
Bruce walked out of the sick room smiling. "They're not in there, ladies, sorry." The girls pouted and ran off to search for the babies. If not, they'd pull a tv over so their fish could watch it with them. They'd cuddle the babies later.
Stark looked at the fish, nodding. "They take good care of them."
"The mommy shark was pregnant so we sold the babies back to the fish place," one of the minis told him with a grin. "We wanted to keep them but they might eat the others."
He nodded and left them to watch stuff that was giving Tony a migraine. Steve was going to enjoy that though so he sent him down to be mobbed by the girls. He went to talk to Xander. "I didn't think about them and attachment issues," he said.
"Or them and having to evacuate and leave the fish?" Xander guessed. "If they cry over the fish, they're visiting with you." He grinned.
"That's fine. Pepper would love to mentor a little girl." He shook his head, looking at Bruce. "How is he?"
"Pretty decent. All the stitches are clean."
"I do know how to take care of them after all I've had," Xander said, giving him a look.
"Can you do stitches?" Bruce asked. Xander nodded. "Huh. That wasn't in your file."
"I learned from Willow's mother's textbooks the same way she did. She used to do mine when we were kids.'
Bruce shuddered. "I found her parents. They're denying they had a daughter because her aberrant beliefs caused her psychosis and they don't want it to look bad on their careers." Xander grimaced but nodded. "Apparently they still remember trying to burn her at the stake and believe it's still the right action. Though, they're both a lot more religious than Willow is."
"Figures." Xander shook his head. "There were a few times I almost talked my father into going to beat her parents to death while drunk. It would've solved many problems." He walked off.
"Not in a good way," Bruce reminded him.
Xander smirked. "My drunk father wouldn't have cared. Hell, Sunnydale wouldn't have cared. They didn't when he had over twenty DUI's. They still let my uncle drive an ambulance with ten." Bruce shuddered. "They probably would've had a field day with it. Or he would've gotten more probation. Either one would've worked for me back then." He went to see why one of the girls was whining loudly. "What?" he called as he walked down the stairs.
"They defeated an evil thing by their belly powers," she whined with a point. "We can't do that!"
"You're not a Care Bear, you're a slayer. You each have different powers that're just yours. Because if you were a Care Bear, Dawn and I would be hiding from you like the babies are."
"Care Bears are fantasy creatures and you can't do what they can because they're make-believe," Tony said.
That slayer snorted. "Somewhere in the multi-verse they're real the same as we're probably a tv show to them. I know Angel is, though we're not sure why anyone would want to see him on tv. He's not even that cute." She looked at the other girls. "We need to watch Xena like the big slayers do."
"Xena isn't allowed until you're at least ten," Xander said patiently. "Because the last time you girls watched Xena you destroyed the house and six of you ended up in the infirmary from injuries due to the destruction by kicking, batting, staff fighting, and throwing Faith's knives at the furniture and each other." Beyond the fact that they had called him Joxer the Mighty for six damn days until Dawn had spanked one.
Stark and Rogers looked at him then at the girls. "You did?" Steve asked. They all ducked their heads and nodded. "Then yeah, it's probably a good rule."
"Feed your slayer fish," Xander said, walking off to the kitchen shaking his head. "If you're lucky I won't torture you by making you watch Twilight so you want to be like Buffy." The girls all giggled but did feed their fish. They found another movie to put in but Dawn came out to take the DVD out and toss back into the library, pointing at their shelves while she sipped coffee. They put in a princess movie instead and hunted down the babies while the credits and previews ran.
"Oh my god! They're coming out with Tangled on DVD soon!" one squealed. The others squealed with her and shared the babies back and forth with the morning popcorn.
Bruce rescued Clint, Stark rescued Natasha, and Steve rescued the other two. "They need changed," Bruce said with a grin. They shrugged.
"Bring them back," one ordered. "It's sad coming up and they get cuddles so we don't cry like teenage girls."
"Sure." They carried them upstairs to change and let them hide in the nursery. Bruce meanly sacrificed Stark for sniffling on duty and the girls liked him more because they could all have him in two batches. Less sharing that way and he cuddled back.
Bruce looked at Dean. "When you're bigger again, you can hide from girls for years if you want," he said quietly. Dean nodded and crawled off to find a good hiding spot that the girls couldn't find. He found the Tangled DVD in it and nudged it out until it fell down the stairs. The shrieking made him wince but it was good for the girls to get excited and happy about more than the baby clothes.
Steve shook his head. "I'm not saving Stark."
"Me either." Though they did go check on the guy in bed, and then down to make lunch since he was hungry. Which got them sucked in and pounced by slayers to cuddle when it got all mushy.
Thankfully the girls were hungry and let them all go if they made them lunch.
***
Clint popped back to adult size first, checking himself over and sighing in relief. He stared down at Natasha, smiling at her. "You nearly there?" She nodded. "Good. That means we can save Dean and Sam tomorrow from the girls." He got dressed in adult clothes and leaned on her cot until she changed and checked herself over. They turned and found Dawn in the doorway. Natasha got dressed.
"Cranky guy is awake. The gym's in the garage, use it. Fury said you can't come back unless you're able to prove you're at full strength or whatever." She waved a hand in the air. "If you make the minis pout, we're still sacrificing you up to them and now you can't pee your diaper to get away." She grinned.
"That's torture," Clint said with a smirk back.
She beamed and nodded. "Yup! Spike taught me well." She went back to her room.
They went to check on Coulson, helping him up and down to the gym. It might be safe from the minis. They only went in there on saturdays at the moment.
One of the girls snuck after them and smirked evilly at them. "Good, you're potty trained. That means you can cuddle more often and take fewer rest breaks so we don't have to share you as much."
Natasha looked at her. "Are you the evil slayer today?"
The girl nodded and grinned. "I am. Some day I'll have a shark named after me too." She skipped off to cuddle the two remaining babies. Then she climbed in with Xander, but he made her go back to her own bed. They only got to climb in with him when they had slayer dreams or really bad nightmares.
Clint looked at the training gear. "I hope I'm still in shape."
"Me as well," Natasha agreed, moving to test herself. Coulson smiled but shook his head and sat against the wall so they could catch up.
***
Clint walked up to the trio of coworkers a few days later and hugged them. "Thank you for saving us so often from the mini slayers."
Natasha walked up behind him smiling slightly. "You did a great service to us by distracting them. Thank you."
Steve grinned. "Are you two back?"
"I have to get my bow from the girls. They won't give it back," Clint said.
"I've got a new one for you anyway," Stark said with a grin. "I knew they wouldn't. All slayers like weapons."
"How are the other two?" Bruce asked.
"They regrew, looked at each other, Dean said 'dude', and they fled to the trees. Which taught the girls how track," Clint said. "They're very good at it."
"Someday they too can hunt down boyfriends," Steve said with a grin. "Are you two fully back?"
"Nearly so," Natasha said. "We have to pass evaluations next week." Clint nodded.
"Him?" Steve asked, looking around.
"Going with Xander into the field. That way he's safer," Clint said. "He suggested it when the house nearly got invaded by agents. Fortunately Xander heard, the girls were all down in the bunker with Dawn, and Xander was reminded he couldn't turn on the security system that would kill them all. They all backed down when Xander blipped over and stole Fury for a few minutes. The agents were not happy that they were being used."
"I wouldn't be either," Stark agreed. "So, training area upstairs like usual. Your rooms are like you left them, though I had someone do the laundry you both had. So beds have clean sheets. Bathrooms have clean towels. Weapons have been nicely dusted." He grinned. "Have fun, kids." They smirked but went to practice without having to teach anyone anything.
The three heros watched as two mini slayers stalked past them to head after their former cuddle mates. "Ladies?" Steve asked. "How did you get here?"
"We asked Mr. Giles," one said with a grin. "He's reading." They went up in the elevator but Stark had warned them so they had to come back down after not finding their playmates. Instead they used the potion Spike had found to shrink Doctor Banner and one got Pepper by accident. "Aww, mini green guy," she cooed, picking him up to cuddle. "That's so sweet." She carried him off. "C'mon, Bethie. Pepper likes things like we do so it'll be even better than we had with Natasha."
"Put them down," Stark ordered, chasing after them, but they had disappeared.
"Calling Dawn," Steve said. "She does all the disciplinary stuff." He walked off talking to her.
Ten minutes later, Dawn appeared with the four kids. "Apologize, now," she ordered.
"We're sorry," they sighed, looking down. "But we wanted more cuddlesome ones. We need cuddles. They're good for us."
Stark looked down at her. "You ask for cuddles, you don't steal, you don't manipulate, and you sure as hell don't potion or magic them." They nodded, pouting some. "Bruce, you okay?" The Hulk glared at him, trying to get free. "Put him down before you make him even more mad. He's not a cuddly guy." Hulk ran off to smash a floor lamp but he only managed to knock it over. Pepper was cooing and cuddling the girls. "How long?"
"Few hours. I gave them the counter-potion." She rolled her eyes. "They've been spanked. They're very grounded, and they're in deep shit when Giles finally gets out of the books or I find Xander to tell him, whichever I can get hold of first." The girls both winced and started to cry. "Good!" She took them home, handing Tony Pepper.
Tony looked at her. "You were a cute baby, Pepper. Hey, Hulk, come smash in the training room. There's all sorts of stuff up there to smash." Steve herded him that way and they settled in to watch the mini Hulk try to destroy the padding. He couldn't and kept bouncing off but it was funny to watch.
Clint patted him on the head with a grin. "Don't worry, Doc, we won't change your diaper. You hardly ever did ours so we'll repay that favor." Hulk roared and batted at him but Clint picked him up. "Watch me call one back to cuddle the same way you let them do to us." He smirked evilly. Hulk calmed down and went back to his ancient enemy the mats that needed to be destroyed. Clint and Natasha went back to their flexibility work.
Pepper finally returned to full size in Tony's lap, making her squeak. "Um.... sorry?"
He hugged her. "Not your fault. Just glad it didn't take a year, Pepper." He let her go, letting her to calm down. Hulk slowly reaged over the next hour. He finally gave them a sheepish look and shook his head. Tony grinned. "Dawn paddled them."
"That's good. I like that. I'm not usually a corporal punishment sort but I like that this time." He walked off. "Let me.... go be creeped out a bit. There had better not be film, Stark," he said before he walked out the doors.
"Of course there is. That way I have pictures of Pepper being that tiny and cute," he quipped at the empty doorway.
***
Epilogue:
***
The team got called in on another slayer apocalypse battle and merged with them pretty easily in Cleveland. Everyone was there again. The battle wasn't that hard but it had a lot of demons to kill. By the end, everyone was tired. Xander was checking on his girls when he ran into Clint and Natasha. "Hey."
"I'm not sure how to handle talking to you with how often you were in my pants," Clint said.
Xander laughed. "It wasn't like I enjoyed it, Clint, and you weren't at full ability then either." He walked around him. "You were a good kid though. Hardly gave me any problems."
"Yeah, thanks." He stared at him then at Natasha, who patted him on the arm. "I still feel weird."
"Me too." They went off to find their teammates, and Coulson because he had come back with Xander. He was tanned, fit looking, and looked a bit exhausted. "Welcome back," she said with a slight smile.
"Thanks. I think I'm taking this weekend off at a hotel." He walked them off. "Being with Xander is a great training method. We need to have him mentor trainee agents. They'd never have a stamina problem or one identifying bad girls or boys." They grinned.
"I heard that," Xander called. "I'll be Mozambique in three days and if you're there, you're cooking."
"That's fine, Xander. I'll be bringing stuff to cook instead of relying on what we can hunt. Tuesday?" Xander nodded with a smirk and disappeared because Buffy was yelling for him. Coulson sighed and relaxed. "I need a spa." They got him to one. Fury showed up Sunday when he finally found them but that was fine. After six months with Xander, he didn't fear almost anything anymore. "Sir," he said with a nod, putting his head back down so the masseuse could get back to her excellent work.
"Coulson, are you insane?" he asked.
"Insanity is a topic of opinion, sir. I'd like to consider it more open minded. Especially since the day before the battle we had scorpion gumbo." Fury shuddered. "It was excellent but I did miss beef while I was there. We need to give him about three trainees to train. That way they can spend six months with him and learn most of what they need to know."
"I don't want an agency full of Xander Harris clones," Fury complained. Coulson stared at him. "Even with you there, Coulson."
"Sir, they'd learn a lot beyond how to handle things. Xander's the only guy I've ever seen that could go from hunting down zombie'd big game one minute to an hour later being a suave, rich looking young man out for ass in a high class club, and he managed to get two of them." Fury shivered. "It would also help since he'd have three people to back him up when he got seriously injured again. He never tells anyone and works through it, but our last raid together, he had broken ribs and strapped them down, fully expecting to act like normal after giving himself some pain killers he had brewed."
Fury shook his head. "We'll see. Is he still injured?" Coulson nodded. "He was in the battle."
"We broke in on one of his former boyfriends, sir, and they had heavy, hard sex while I freed his hostages, then Xander reminded him that doing bad things around him meant that he had to react. They got into a fight, where he got the bruised rib broken I believe, but Xander beat him, figuratively and literally, then looted."
"Great, I look forward to the arrest report."
"Sir, the locals were in his employ. He's presently pouting that he lost Xander's affections somewhere. I spotted him during the battle but he was helping us." Fury groaned as he shook his head. "Give him three _Police Academy_ movie cadets, sir, and let him turn them into very good agents."
"Fine. I'll think about it."
"It might be handy if I'm coming back anytime soon."
"They're still trying to kill you, Coulson. Speaking of, any idea who helped them bring you back since Rosenburg said it would've had to been helped by a higher power?"
Phil grimaced but looked at him again. "When they were younger and I was still healing, Sam got possessed by someone Xander identified as Loki. Apparently them being babies stopped some sort of apocalypse attempt." Fury shuddered. "So I'm not certain but I have an idea."
"They're aliens."
"Not them, sir, the ones that aren't. Apparently there's some higher beings that took over identities to gain a better reputation faster." Fury stomped off. Phil shrugged and smiled at the nice woman working on his shoulders. "He's very uptight."
"He is and he could use Xander's cure."
Phil looked at her. "I knew you weren't fully trained. Arms?"
She smiled. "Jewels. How is he really?"
"Three broken ribs yet still at the battle. Now he's hiding from Buffy somewhere."
"I'll find him later. You did him good."
"He's not female, he's not my type."
She laughed. "Good. I like that answer very well, and the idea for him to get trainees. That would allow us to spread out among more than just Xander." She finished him up. "There you go, Agent Coulson. Have a happy day and this hotel does have a discreet call girl service on speed dial." He nodded at that information, heading up to his room to soak in the tub. They hadn't been anywhere with running water for the last six weeks. He wanted a long bath. She called the others she knew of Xander's lovers. They were very interested in what had happened to that one boyfriend and raid. Plus that Xander was thinking about taking in trainees.
They'd all like that. It'd mean less sharing of the Xander.
The End.
Teeny Tiny Heroes Needing The Xander Solution.