Clint was woken up by the sound of the baby screaming so he hopped up and went to check. No baby to have screamed. "JARVIS?" he called. No answer. "Shit!" He ran for Natasha's room. She was sleeping and didn't wake up. So something had happened. He nudged her. No answer. He called Steve, who was at home. "It's me. The baby's missing, Natasha won't wake up even when nudged or when I'm talking since I'm standing next to her, JARVIS isn't answering. Yeah, could use the backup. Right now. Let me check the others." He hung up, going to Thor's room, it was the next up the hall. He knocked. No answer. He picked the lock and walked in. Jane almost woke up. Thor was snoring hard. He nudged him, getting a glare. "The baby's missing and someone did something to Natasha." Thor hopped up and grabbed for clothes while Clint went to find the others.
Thor came out pulling on his vest. "JARVIS is not answering."
"I know. Nat won't wake up. I called Steve. Check the labs?" Thor nodded. Clint managed to get into Bucky's room easily so he wasn't there. Wilhelmina was still asleep but bleeding on the side. That got bandaged for her while he called that in to their infirmary. No answer down there either. Darcy was missing. Stark wasn't in his room, or Pepper. Steve came off the elevator with Bucky, who looked like he had been drinking. "No idea on anyone but me and Thor. Wilhelmina's side looks like a mild stab wound."
"I called the SHIELD call-in officer. They have no idea."
"SHIELD's trying to get rid of the silent HYDRA plague," Clint said. "Darcy's missing."
"She's been seen with the baby," Bucky said. "Stark?"
"No clue. Thor went to do the labs. Stark's not in his room."
Thor came up the stairs, shaking his head. "He will not wake and the robots down there are not responding at all either." He looked around. "We will have to find him before they harm him."
"Oh, we will," Bucky assured him. He looked at Steve. "Get us some intel and then we'll raid."
"I can do that. Let me get SHIELD medical here."
"Let me call Hill. I know she's not HYDRA," Clint said. "They'd never take her because of the bitch she is." He called her. "I know what time it is," he said at her growl. "The kid's missing, Darcy Lewis is missing, Wilhelmina got stabbed. JARVIS and the computers are unresponsive, and the rest of us won't wake up outside me, Cap, Bucky, and Thor." He listened. "Could use a med team. Ours isn't up either." He hung up. "She said let her get us intel from the regional airports and the like." The guys nodded.
Clint tried the computer terminal that was in the living room. The one Steve could get to only went to google. Nowhere else. Clint got onto google and typed in 'where is Alex Romanov'. No responses. He changed it to Alex Barnes. That got two livejournal pages. "Guys, someone spotted the baby being carried off and said they reported it to the local police and on their livejournal page hoping that something like JARVIS would pick it up." They came to look at it. Steve called Hill to add that information. Clint looked at them. "We can call in an Amber alert. That'll get all law enforcement onto it but might piss off whoever has him. Or they could be overconfident and sneer about it."
"It's a risk but I'd rather have an all points out so we hear if someone spots him." Steve looked at Bucky.
"I can do that." He walked off calling 911. "This is Bucky Barnes at Avengers tower. My son has been kidnaped and our tower was gas bombed or something. We need to send out an alert that the kid is missing please." She got that started and promised officers were responding. "Quietly. The more spectacle it becomes the worse it'll be if they're mad about it. Thank you." He hung up and looked at Steve, who nodded and went down to talk to them and Hill when she stomped in with two agents she trusted. Bucky and Thor went to check everyone again. The medical team got there and came in to get them down to their infirmary. Including Bruce when they found him tucked into a corner of a lab as a sleeping Hulk.
"He must have changed to protect himself," Thor said.
"Probably," the team agreed, having his help lifting him. Hulk grunted and tried to blink at them. "Calm down please, Dr. Banner. I'm with SHIELD, Thor is right here with us, and you're going to the infirmary."
Thor patted him on the shoulder, getting his attention. "Someone gassed everyone to get the baby. You changed to protect yourself. We will let you rest so you can aid us in getting the baby back." Hulk passed back out but was growling. He followed to help by grabbing Stark from among his mess of work.
Steve finished the forms, looking at Hill. "We can't get into the security cameras or anything internally. We can get to google and that's it."
"We got ones from around the tower." She let him and the officer see it. "No idea who that is."
Steve stared and pointed. "He's on my former tactical team." She nodded, calling that in to Fury. "So it's HYDRA." She nodded. He looked at the officer. "Just spot them and tell us. It's too dangerous and they won't be bothered by shooting officers or agents."
"I get that, Captain, and I've already noted that on the forms so they know to call you and us. We need another contact number in case." He wrote down his, Bucky's, and Hill put hers down. The officer nodded, taking the forms back to the office to have it called in immediately. They doubted they had kept the same car past a few blocks. They were too well trained to do that. Amber alerts worked best when people were stupid enough to keep the same car and be visible. These ones, they were too trained and knew the system to abuse it. But they'd do what they could. No one wanted the baby Avenger to be hurt.
***
Natasha woke up when the phone beside her beeped. She blindly reached for it but a bigger hand grabbed it first. She blinked, staring at Clint, who was walking off talking to whoever. "What happened?" She clearly wasn't in her bedroom. It was the infirmary. She looked around. Stark, Jane. Bruce was calming down from the Hulk. "Did we have a battle?" She sat up, pushing her hair back.
Clint hung up and came back. He stared at her from the foot of the bed, hands braced around her hips. "Stay calm," he said quietly, staring into her eyes. "We were all hit with something last night that knocked you all out. You're the first up. It's been five hours." She nodded slowly. "They took Darcy and Alex. They stabbed Wilhelmina on the side." She glared, trying to move. He put a hand on her leg. "It's HYDRA. Steve's already off hunting them with Bucky and a friend from DC. One of the kidnapers was on his former tactical team." She growled.
"He's been captured by Hill. Who that was." He let her go, stepping back. "We have no idea what they're doing, Nat, but we're getting the little guy back. They got to JARVIS out in Malibu's facility. They had someone infiltrate as a janitor or something and he stuck a virus into the system so they could do this. It negated all but the independent bots, which is basically one of the Stark's lab bots and the diaper changing one. I heard him scream but by the time I got up, he was gone, had been for ten minutes at least."
"He projected?" she asked.
"Or someone yelled to wake me up," he agreed. "No clue on why or how. I don't really care why or how."
"I need to call contacts." He handed over her phone. "I will go talk to that agent as well."
"Please do. Barnes is going to first." She smirked a tiny bit, getting up to go to the bathroom then making the necessary calls. Clint checked the others then followed when she walked out the infirmary door to go change clothes. "Your uniform's in mine," he said. "I had a window cracked so I didn't get hit as hard." She nodded, going into his room to change. She came out putting in her guns and pulling back her hair. "SHIELD or somewhere else, Nat?"
"SHIELD for the moment," she ordered. He nodded, taking the keys to the team SUV to drive them. She got out once they were there, stomping inside. Everyone got out of her way. Clint had his bow and quiver. He was wearing his sunglasses. Natasha looked cold and unemotional. It was going to be evil in a few minutes. She got off the elevator first and walked toward Hill. "Has he spoken?"
"Not one word beyond saying HYDRA would reward him." She stared at her. "We've got it narrowed down to where they're not."
"Why take Lewis?" she asked.
"Pure conjecture but they can't Red Room him like they did you any longer. All that's shut down so they'd need a caretaker and then she'd be a lever for his continued use."
Natasha nodded. "That does make sense. They got me when I was four, out of diapers and toilet trained. An infant his age isn't." Hill nodded, looking grim. "Let me talk to him."
"Please do." She led them to the interrogation room. Natasha walked in. Bucky looked back at her and let the guy's broken arm go. Hill got out of the way. She did not want to see this. Hawkeye was guarding the door for the pissed off parents. No other agents were going up that hallway. Hill was amused they were changing floors to use the bathroom since the one for that area was just past the interrogation rooms. She got a call from security about a few agents that had come up the hallway from the other direction but Barton had stopped them. She went to check, looking at him. "They were going to try to free him?"
"Yup," he said, looking at his mess then at her. "Pity." He opened the door. "Guys, he had a rescue team I've only minimally hurt if it'll help. Including his wife." Natasha and Bucky came out to get them to make them talk. Clint closed the door after them. He nodded at an agent who was hurrying up the hall and ran into the bathroom. She had been bleeding from the hand so it was a bit of an emergency. They figured she wasn't with the strike team.
***
Natasha walked out of the interrogation room an hour later, wiping some blood off her hands. "We have a country. He's in Estonia."
Hill called that in with a nod. "Captain Rogers and Falcon will meet you on the landing pad," she reported. "Good luck, Natasha," she said quietly.
"I do not need luck. I need bullets."
"Stop by the armory. Get more," she ordered. They walked that way to do that. Clint followed to get extra arrows and bullets. Plus some for Steve and his buddy from DC. They met Steve up on the launch pad, Bucky handing over spare clips for Steve and Clint getting the other guy's reloads. Hill did something she didn't normally do, she prayed. Because that kid was doomed if they didn't get him fast enough.
***
Clint saw Steve and Bucky's look at the snow-covered area they were landing in. He nudged Bucky and grinned. "We'll take the kid out to make snowmen for you."
"Thanks. Steve and I have had enough of the cold for the rest of our lives." He put on his goggles and mask. Steve pulled up his cowl. They exited and were almost immediately shot at. That was fine. They were used to worse odds. The odds slowly got better because the further they got into the facility the less people there were. Steve and Bucky shared a look then ran ahead. The guards had to be somewhere doing something bad if they were cleared out this way. They had to stop when a wall of icy air nearly surrounded them but it let them go almost immediately. Steve shivered. "What was that?" Bucky asked.
"I don't know."
Clint caught up to them. "Spirits. That was dead people." They nodded and went on together. Natasha was getting the operations area under their control. They found the lab area. Nothing and no one in the labs. A few people hiding up the hall in the closet but the icy wall of spirits were eating at them. They weren't going to save them. They ran into a figure they knew. "We need him to debrief," Clint said. "So we can make sure Alex is going to be okay." The spirits looked at him then left them alone. "Huh."
"Help!" a female voice called. They ran for her. It was definitely Darcy. She sighed in relief when she saw who was barging in. "They touched him with that spear thingy and suddenly Alex's eyes went icy tan then all hell broke loose and dead people started to show up. Mostly kids they've hurt before." Bucky nodded, helping her up. "They said I had to take care of him or they'd kill me and give him an appropriate nanny. They said if he broke anything they could fix it or amend it." Bucky growled. "He's fine so far. They redressed him before they touched him with the thingy." She pointed at it.
"That's Loki's spear," Clint said, grabbing it. Steve had the baby. Bucky was going to shoot his way out. "Let's grab the survivors and go. We can let someone download any files." He looked at the baby then at Darcy. "You injured?"
"No. They hit me once and I bit him." Clint grinned. "They weren't happy but said I'd impart my spunky American nature into him. That they had uses to turn that into better soldiering."
"Did they give him anything?" Steve asked.
"No idea. I only woke up when he screamed because the thing touched him. He was already redressed and all that. I saw the spirits come flowing out." She shuddered at what one was doing. "You guys get your vengeance, then we get them to ask them what they had been doing to you and him." The spirit flowed over, touching her then Clint and Steve, but nodded at Bucky before fading out. "Okay. Sure, we can take them now," Darcy decided.
"Hill's people will be here in ten minutes," Natasha said, coming down the stairs to take the baby. She looked at his outfit then his father's then back at the baby. "It's clear what they wanted."
"He's the reason the spirits came out to get vengeance," Clint said quietly.
Natasha looked at what he was holding. "Is that why?" Clint nodded. "Then we will figure it out." Coulson showed up with three geeks and an agent she almost knew. "May. Coulson."
He took the baby to cuddle. "You're okay. That's all that matters." He looked at her. "These are Fitz-Simmons, Skye, who is a hacker I recruited, and you've seen Agent May before."
Darcy looked at the geeks. "I woke up when he screamed because they had touched the staff thingy to his chest. Then his eyes changed and the spirits showed up."
"We saw them," Skye said. "Why were they that upset?"
"They were here before," Darcy said dryly. "They didn't survive."
"If we can find their remains and their files, we'll properly give them the respect they deserve," Fitz said. "If not we'll do the best we can." He patted the baby on the back and walked around them. "Lab?"
Clint pointed. "Science lab is that way. They had him in holding back there." They checked there first and then went to the science lab. Coulson came with them. He wasn't letting go of the baby. Clint calmed himself down but he still shot someone trying to harass one of the other SHIELD agents. Two more went down to Natasha and Steve. Bucky got one trying to come up behind them. Clint looked around. "Any of you agreeing with the former people inside, speak up now," he encouraged. A few fled. One attacked. Natasha calmly blew his brains out for him. Clint got the running ones with Bucky. They made it back to the jet and took off. Darcy sat in the corner and shook, calming herself down. Clint sat near her in case she needed help. Coulson finally gave the baby to Natasha and Bucky. The baby fussed but stared at them.
"Dada?" he asked.
"Yup, we rescued you," he promised, taking him to cuddle once his mask and goggles were off. The baby patted the metal arm and smiled, putting his head on his shoulder. Bucky took a deep breath. Natasha took him carefully so Bucky could calm down. "Coulson, any idea why yet?"
"They were going to try to brainwash him from what Fitz-Simmons found out. Give him the same formula they gave you and Natasha. Then raise him to be the next you."
Bucky shook his head. "I'd have killed them all." He looked at the baby, who was staring at his mother. "He good?" he asked quietly.
"I don't think he took any harm from the staff. Clint's eyes stayed icy until I got him out of the control." She tweaked his nose.
Alex batted at her with a scowl. "No, Mama."
"Fine." She smiled. "Are you all right? Any booboos?" He pouted and cuddled her again, looking around. "Uncle Clint's right here and so is Darcy. She's okay." He waved at them, staying cuddly. She saw Steve's worried look at the baby and knew why it was there. "There are not enough of them left to try again," she said quietly, making Steve stare at her. "If there are, we will solve it. He will be safe and that tiny risk because we are his parents is cured by his nanny."
"Wilhelmina woke up and started to lash out," Coulson said. "She nearly killed the infirmary staff and others. People reported feeling the urge to run and hide three blocks from the tower." Natasha smirked a tiny bit. "Then they saw Stark walking outside with something that looked like a remote control and they did run, just in case he was going to bomb the city. The Mayor is still yelling at the Director about the panic this has caused. The Director has assured him it will not happen again.
"Stark has been ordered to build a more secured living quarters for all of you. He has also been ordered to buy new security specialists to up the protections on the tower and JARVIS. That way no one can virus him that way again. Pepper had a small fit about not being able to build a compound on the moon right now, and how that might not even be safe enough at times. She kindly told the Director to finish taking out all the assholes so she didn't have to worry, as that was SHIELD's job, instead of putting it back onto their shoulders.
"He was slightly amused by her. The press that caught that screaming match at the tower, thanks to the Mayor telling them he was going to face down Stark, agreed with Pepper. Stark agreed he could put in even more extreme safety measures then called out the laser system he's been putting in to get rid of the press." He smiled a tiny bit. Clint was laughing.
"Director Fury assured Miss Potts he was doing his best to get all that sort out of her way but she had to take some sensible precautions first. She kindly called up an ex-boyfriend who was a Marine and walked off talking to him about how to protect the baby and the tower. He promised to be up tomorrow to help her. When she hung up she looked back at Stark, told him to 'make it lethal' and then went up to have a drink. Stark smirked at Fury and said he'd put a lot more lethal things on the tower as soon as he left so he could program them to hit any SHIELD agent he didn't like then walked off. The Mayor was complaining about lasers on the outside of the building may make people panic even more."
"We raided plenty of places during the war that had weapons hidden inside statues and gargoyles," Steve said.
"If not, we'll have to protect the kid's armory when we move it," Bucky said dryly. "Some things in it, we don't want to have known about."
"Yes, Stark found the failsafe hidden in something," Coulson said. "He went on a swearing fit about it but then a demon messenger showed up and told him it was to protect the baby. It was that or well trained squid warriors that didn't need water."
"Squids with guns," Clint said, then shook his head quickly.
"I don't want to even know," Steve said. Bucky nodded he agreed.
Natasha considered it. "It may give him something to play with." She looked at Bucky.
"He can have a really protective dog. Steve and I worked with someone who did K-9 stuff during the war."
"That may be amusing." She nodded and looked at Darcy. "Are you better?"
"A tiny bit freaked out but cooing at him in that outfit mentally."
Natasha smiled. "He is adorable. Toddlers do that so you don't do more than yell at them when they drive you batty. They grow out of it as they get used to other punishments."
"I'm just impressed he's not peeing," Clint said. Bucky cracked a smile. The outfit had leather pants with pockets like cargo pants did. The top was a sturdy leather vest with lighter weight kevlar sleeves that felt about as thick as cotton. They snapped at his wrist. The front zipped up and the pants had an elastic waistband with snaps at the ankles. They had him in black socks but no boots. They had slicked down his hair with something. Right now, he just wanted to be cuddled. Clint looked at Coulson. "How would we test for the staff taking him over?" he asked quietly.
"Wilhelmina can probably do that," Darcy said. She uncurled. "If not, could Thor?"
"Maybe," Coulson agreed. "We can tell a few ways. We were studying the scepter before it disappeared. Though we did not know that it disappeared."
"There will be less HYDRA people shortly," Natasha said. "This will make more fall."
"I can only hope so," Coulson said. "We're already down ten percent." Faith appeared, looking at the kid. "Couldn't get there?"
"No. Totally had me blocked by the power. Wilhelmina and any other type of demon too. They learned the hard way about that way back when they formed, back in the twenties." She handed over a folder to him. "Because I don't wanna have to show back up with his weapons to handle it so he's safe. I've got to handle things like Wolfram and Hart's local associates, who are evil, and a few other choice things like major glowy energy things. The boss said some proactive guarding was a good idea this time." She looked at Natasha then at Coulson. "They'll find a little girl. Not related." She disappeared.
"Is that what the file's on?" Clint asked.
Coulson looked in the file, shaking his head. "It's got four pictures." He laid them out.
"Mother humper," Darcy said. They all stared at her. "To quote the guy in charge who thinks I'm useless."
"You're not useless. If you weren't there, Jane would've starved by now," Coulson said. She grinned at him. "Pepper shows that assistants really rule the world. She ruled Stark for years." He took pictures of the file and sent them to Fury and Hill. Then he sent a simple text message about the baby's guardian angel being proactively protective. He stared at one. He had been a trainee with him. They had worked together many times. The other had been someone he had trained to be a handler. Natasha reached over to close the file, making him look at her. "I'm very angry. I need to hurt them."
"Ask. The Director may allow that."
"I may." He leaned back, looking at the baby. Who was staring at his father. "Alex, want to cuddle me?"
He grinned at him. "Dada matchies."
"We do kinda match, yup. I hope we never fully match. I don't want you to have the arm, kiddo." Alex shifted over to him, cuddling his metal arm around him. Bucky relaxed, looking at Natasha. "I recognized one of them. He used to send me on assignments. He was there when they dethawed me."
"Which?"
"The old guy."
"The Security Council member. Interesting," Natasha said. Coulson's phone beeped. It was Hill wondering why he sent that text without any additional information. He sent back that he had, pictures. She growled. So he named them and said he wanted two of them himself. Plus Barnes had recognized one as being in charge, he had given him missions. She sent back a 'got it'. Fury sent a 'do something mean then we'll take over' text.
Back at the land base they were using, Fury and Hill, locked in Fury's office without any other electronics active, were quietly making plans to overthrow people and having a tiny fit. This was not allowed in their SHIELD and they would stop this shit fast. They wouldn't need the help of a single Avenger to do it either.
***
Steve stepped off the landing pad at the tower, nodding at the officers waiting. "We found him."
"Thank goodness, Captain. Is he all right?"
"Mostly," Natasha said, follow out with Bucky. Darcy had the baby and Clint was guarding her. "We'll be doing some medical checks." The officers nodded, getting out of the way. Someone tried to fire on them but Bucky got them before Clint could. Clint got the one rushing their way with a gun. Darcy hurried inside while Steve took out the other ones.
The officers waited, staying out of the way so they didn't look like a threat. "Captain, we'd like to know how to help you handle them so the baby's not endangered again," the leader said quietly once they were done. "Outside of the Mayor's hysteria, we don't want ones like that in our city."
"Or smashed into the pavement by Thor's hammer," another officer quipped with a grin.
Bucky looked at him. "The kid dropped it on him."
"We heard. It's great of him," that officer agreed. His supervising officer stared at him. He shrugged. "We don't want to have to make the baby do it, or you guys. But we do appreciate him being so mean."
"He's been given weapons as a sign of respect," Clint said dryly. "He loves weapons."
"We still want him to be a doctor instead of an agent," Bucky said dryly.
"Come talk to us tomorrow, Officers. We'll work out how to handle the security around the tower with Stark, see what he's come up with." They nodded and left, ending that alert on the baby. Steve looked at Clint once they were gone then shook his head. "You had to mention that?"
"Yup. Because they'll let their boss know we have higher weapons here. It'll mean less people trying something minor."
"Point," Bucky agreed. He walked inside. "He getting poked by Dr. Banner or getting changed?" he asked.
"Infirmary," Stark said with a point and a grin. "It's a cute outfit."
"He's not allowed to ever wear it again," Bucky said firmly. "We want the kid to do something good for humanity, Stark."
Tony looked at him. "I fully agree with that. Then again, body armor might be appropriate when he's in the park or something. They do make kevlar impregnated baby gear. His stroller is. They also make jackets, backpacks, and all sorts of clothes."
"Send me the site. I want to see that," Bucky said, heading for the infirmary. Darcy was down there with the fussy one. Alex was trying to get his vest back. Bucky picked him up to look at him. "You don't need that tonight. Tonight you need to see Dr. Banner and then have a bath." Alex smiled at him, leaning forward to kiss his nose. "Thanks, kiddo." He looked at the doctor standing there with a needle. "Do we know you?"
"Dr. Banner's not really equipped to handle his needs, Agent Barnes. I'm only drawing blood to run a test for biological contaminants."
"With all that's happened, we'd like Banner to do it," Natasha said. "We're now paranoid."
"I can understand that. Let me get him." Bruce walked in. "There you are." She handed over the needle and got out of the way. Bruce stared at her until she left.
Natasha smiled at that move. "They hit him with Loki's scepter," she said quietly.
"Great. We can do a brain scan, see if we can spot anything lurking like mind control." He drew blood and started it running, deselecting some of her tests. "She's checking for gamma radiation." He looked at Darcy, who shrugged. "No idea?"
"I woke up when he screamed because they touched him with the scepter. He was redressed in his baby battle outfit by then. He called up a lot of spirits to eat them."
Bucky looked at Natasha. "That girl she spotted?" he asked quietly.
"I cannot let a child go through what I did," she said simply. "We'll figure something out." He nodded he agreed. "Though I'm not sure I could handle two."
Stark strolled in with Pepper behind him. "What daughter? They made him a sister?"
"Faith, his guardian angel, said they had a girl," Bucky said, staring at him. "The other doc wanted to look for gamma radiation."
Stark looked at the machine and selected something. "That always shows Rogers' serum and the one that they gave Natasha. I haven't ran Barnes' blood through it yet." He looked at Bruce. "Gamma testing won't work. It won't catch anything." Bruce smiled, going back to looking over the little guy. Stark stared at the outfit. "Bit too much for a guy his size. Maybe when he's older." He handed the pants and top to Pepper, who folded them into her bag so Alex could forget about them. Alex fussed but his father smoothing a hand over his hair helped. He grabbed the metal hand to cuddle instead. "Yeah, kiddo, it'll always protect you," Stark said quietly.
"Toto," Alex said with a grin and a wave. "Pepper, hi!"
"Hi, Alex. We want to make sure you're okay." She gave him a cuddle. He cooed in her ear and flirted with Tony, who smiled and let the parents be worried with Bruce. She looked at Tony in the elevator. "Find that daughter, Stark. Then we'll see who adopts her."
"Of course, Pepper. I'm already working on it with JARVIS. He's insulted they gave him the flu."
She patted him on the cheek with a smile. "Thank you." She got off on the office floor, going to do something to take her mind off her worry. Stark went to his lab to work on that.
***
Stark sat down at breakfast, handing over an information sheet. "The only one who's survived. They evacuated her to another facility when the shot worked and she didn't die. She's in Wales." He handed over another one, putting it onto the table. "From Coulson's geeks. They gave him a name. They were called him Damned." The parents stared at him. "As in they thought he could control spirits. The notes they left said that's why they tried Loki's scepter, to open up any sort of gifts in him. They did hope it would help erase the memories of all of us."
Natasha took it to look over. "That was his codename?"
"Yup. Which he proved by calling back their dead test subjects to take them out," Stark said. He leaned his elbows on the table. "They were originally going to turn him closer to what Clint is. They thought that you two's enhancements would've created a physically superior child. Then they'd teach him the same fighting and acrobatics they taught Clint in the circus and you in the Red Room." She nodded once with a grimace. "The person in charge of the project was both HYDRA and Russian. She was their Russian science head and had trained under the people that made you, Natasha." She looked at him. "It led to more files on your training. The only copy is with Coulson. He demanded. I didn't even try to make you a copy."
"I will get it from him. Thank you, Stark."
He nodded. "We don't want them to try it ever again on anyone. The little girl, her parents were SHIELD agents but not noted which ones. Just lower level agents."
"Interesting." She looked at that information sheet. She was two, blonde, and pretty. "Any idea who could safely raise her?"
"Yup. Pepper's ex-boyfriend knows some who are nearly paranoid and looking to adopt." He smiled. "I showed her first and she talked to him about it. They know two couples who might, both former military so they won't freak out at her loving weapons or anything."
"That's good," Bucky agreed. "Thank you, Stark."
"Welcome, Barnes." He stood up, getting more coffee before walking off. "I sent you an email late last night with the baby kevlar gear."
He got into his email, finding that one and opening it up into a virtual screen. Alex wandered out, climbing up him to hug him then he crawled across the table to hug his mother and sit in her lap. He grinned. "Me want," he said with a point.
Natasha looked down at him. "Which one?"
He pointed. "That."
"The jacket?" Bucky asked, pulling that up. Alex shook his head. "Which one then?"
"All." He grinned. "Good boy?"
"You're a very good boy, and very spoiled, son," Natasha said, giving him a hug. "Have you seen Wilhelmina?"
He smiled at her. "Poopy bad guys."
"Yes they were."
"Pew pew bad guys?"
"Yes we did," Bucky said. His son leaned over to hug his normal arm and smiled at him. "I'll always take out bad guys for you, Alex." Alex hummed and looked up at his mother.
"You know I will. I have even when you realized that one was a pervert in the park. Though everyone said he was not until his wife confessed about his 'special meeting room' and the tapes."
"I remember him," Bucky said. He looked over things, ordering the kid a jacket. "What's his size?"
She looked at his tag. "This barely fits and it says '3T'." She looked it up on her phone. "Boys go up to 5T then normal sizing." She checked a sizing chart. "Get a 4T, it should be just a bit big so fit him for a few months at least." Bucky nodded, ordering that. She looked at his pants. "We should probably get you something that fits that way too."
"Have we found a way to keep him from screaming at the shopping?" Bruce asked as he walked in.
"Brooooooo!" Alex squealed, reaching up. He picked him up to hug him then handed him back. "You eats!" he said firmly.
"I'm going to, Alex." He smiled at the parents. "I heard about the last trip."
"I thought it was brilliant of him to escape and hide so well," Natasha said, looking at her son. "Can we shop for you?" He scowled at her. "Please? That way things fit?"
"No! Bad!"
"Fine." She cuddled him. Bucky was trying not to smile. "You could go with your father."
"No!" he howled. "No!"
"Okay. We won't shop," she soothed, giving him a hug. Bruce was smiling behind her back. Bucky was grinning at her. "We will order you some online instead." She looked at him. "That does mean we can't go to the toy store to pick up anything for your stuffed friends however."
He stared at her, eyes wide, lip trembling. "Toys?"
"Yes, the toy store is still shopping."
"Toys!" he demanded, turning to stand up on her lap, staring at her. "Toys me!"
"Yes, you would have to shop to get toys, son." She smiled. "We can get toys after we get you some pants that fit."
He pouted. "Toys?"
"Toys after clothes."
"Canny?" he asked with a grin, cuddling her.
"If I find any," she sighed. He squealed and bounced. "Sit. We'll feed you in a minute." He pounced his father by jumping at him, climbing up his arm to his shoulder to babble at him about toys. Bucky pulled him down to have him sit in his lap, smiling at his weird little boy.
Darcy walked in. "Morning. Did he sleep okay?"
"He did good," Natasha said. "He slept with me last night. Didn't have a single nightmare." Darcy smiled and waved at the chattering baby. "Go ahead and make yourself breakfast, Darcy. We haven't started on his yet."
"That's cool." She looked at the baby then at Natasha. "What about something like an easy quiche?"
"How are they considered easy?"
Darcy smiled. "I found a good recipe on a tv show." She got the stuff she'd need and made it, putting it into the oven. "Twenty minutes." She walked off, going to start some tea and coffee. By the time Jane wandered out, the coffee was done and the quiche was nearly finished. She poured her coffee and handed it to her then checked the quiche.
The baby stared at her, then got onto the table to crawl over and hug Jane around the head next to her coffee. "Thank you, Alex," Jane said, smiling at him. "You're a great way to wake up." He pointed at the cup of stuff that made a few of his uncles go. "Yup, I need coffee." She sipped it and let him sniff it then hug her again before crawling back to his father. "He's really smart, guys."
Darcy came back, checking on breakfast. She pulled it out to test with a finger then let it cool before slicing it. A large slice went in front of Jane's coffee. Alex got a piece. He stared at it then at her. She smiled. "It's eggs and ham and cheese. Try it?" Natasha cut off a piece to eat and nodded she liked it, then let him have a piece. He ate it, staring at his mom. Then he grinned at Darcy. "I knew you'd like that." She kissed him on the head. "You can put nearly anything in there. Even those V-things most kids hate." She strolled off with her tea. She was in a tea mood today.
"Morning, Thor," she chirped as she walked past him. He was half asleep and fighting with his shirt. "That's inside out and backwards." He grunted his thanks and switched it around, going into the kitchen for his beloved poptarts. The baby blew kisses and grabbed some of his egg thingy with his fist to eat. His mom and dad had their own, he was big enough to feed himself. Bucky looked at the few pieces that fell then shrugged he'd clean it up later. He handed the baby a spoon from Jane's coffee. He liked that a lot too. He could use a spoon.
"Spoooooonnnnn!" Alex cheered. Jane coughed to hide the laugh, smiling at the baby. He grinned at her. "Spoony."
"It is a spoon, yup." Bucky and Natasha were staring at her oddly. "Youtube. Look up 'spoon' and 'tick'." Natasha did that then groaned and showed Bucky.
"Even if he ends up in spandex, it won't be that outfit," he said. Thor handed the baby a poptart. "He's fine, Thor."
"He's still hungry. He's going to find toys later."
"We're going shopping. Clothes then toys," Natasha reminded him. The baby huffed but nodded, stuffing his mouth again. She smiled at the couple. "What are your plans today?"
"Science," Jane said. "Always science."
Thor looked at her. "I was hoping perhaps we could take lunch outside? It's pretty today."
She smiled. "Come get me from the lab and I'll gladly go picnic with you, Thor." She gave him a kiss and got up so he could have her seat. She got more coffee then headed down to the lab. The lab had some sort of industrial coffee machine that brewed one cup at a time but created a lot of steam and noise to do so. But it was the best coffee ever. She could have that later, once she could appreciate more than caffeine.
Thor sat down, looking at the parents. "I wish you much luck with shopping today. I know how he fusses at it."
Natasha nodded. "Yes, he does."
He looked at her. "Vesty?" he asked with a grin, pointing at his father.
He sighed. "You don't need that outfit, kiddo." He pouted at him. "We'll see if we can find you something like that without it being from them. Okay?"
"Leather?" he cooed, smiling at his dad.
"We'll see. You're a bit young for leather. Most boys who wear leather are already potty trained, not peeing in diapers."
"Didi," he called. The robot came in to change him.
"Not in the kitchen," Natasha warned. The robot rolled them off to change them in the living room, where the parents could make sure he was all right. Thor was smiling but shaking his head. She looked at her baby daddy. "Were you serious about him and a protective beast to watch over him?"
"I was, if we can do that," he said. He tipped his head for a bit. "What were you thinking?"
"I have no idea how to handle dogs. Men, but not dogs." He smiled slightly. "I've seen them trained by others and some working. Will those sort like children?"
"That I do not know."
"There's a lot of things like breed selection quizzes online," Stark's voice said. "Has to be housetrained so it won't crap on the rug. Make it like to play a lot too. The kid could use something to chase now and then."
"He could," Natasha agreed, looking up breed selection guides.
They did it together. "No, not a tiny dog. If I have to walk it, I do not want a tiny, yappy thing with me. It's embarrassing."
She smiled a tiny bit. "I can't see you with a pocket dog." She made sure it was the medium range and up. "Has to like children and be protective."
"Drooling?" he asked.
"It would be nice if they did not drool," she admitted, checking that box. Bucky grimaced at most of the questions. "We'll do another just to make sure they cross match," she offered. They came up with a list and looked them up on a few different breed sites. She eventually had it narrowed down to about ten.
"Why not one of the normal ones, like a German Pinscher?"
"We can add them. I'm not sure they'd be good with children." He nodded at that. "The Belgian Malinois is the most common trained dog for guarding and detection jobs at the moment." They looked over their usual profiles. "The German Pinscher is not what we need, it's only mildly protective and shy around people. The doberman is looking better." He nodded, putting that one off to the side. "The Weimaraner is looking good."
"It's a hunting dog but it has a lot of agility," he summarized, putting it into their final list. "Akita, yup. Bred for it."
"The Malinois, the Australian sheep dog," she said, adding them to the list. "The Kuvasz."
"Another herding/hunting dog," he said. "More fluffy than the other one." He pointed. "Black Russian Terrier?" They looked at it and smiled. "Something good that came out of Russia beyond you."
She pinched him but looked at him fondly for the compliment. "That's seven. We can do more research and talk to breeders." He nodded. They looked up area breeders and they were more than happy to talk about what they wanted the dog for. A few they weren't sure could keep up with a toddler, and one wasn't sure that'd be enough playing, but they could definitely visit and talk about them. They left together, going to the first one on their list. She did two different breeds so she was a good place to start. By that night, they had it narrowed down to four: Black Russian Terrier, the Australian Sheppard, the Akita, and the Kuvasz.
Clint looked at them when they sat down in the living room area. "He'll love whatever you get him."
"Has he interacted with dogs?" Natasha asked. "You take him to the park more often."
"Yeah. I've shown him dogs, and let him pet a few dogs that were friendly. He tried to chase after a few dogs to pet them." He grinned. "He loves animals."
"The real question is who is going to walk him," Tony said from the coffee maker bar. He looked back. "And who's going to vacuum the pet fur?"
"I'm sure we'll figure it out." Bruce came off the elevator, smiling at them. "Bruce, we're considering getting Alex a furry companion to help protect him. We know you're allergic to cats. Are you allergic to dogs?"
"No, I'm not. I had a dog before I changed. A mutt I found on campus one night." He sat down. "What are we thinking about?" They showed them the last four. He pointed. "I've seen one of those and they were stubborn but easily trained and were meant for protection."
"Shedding?" Stark asked.
"Double coated, can withstand cold weather or warm, and good with kids. That one had a baby that the akita sat in front of to make sure no one but them touched the baby." He smiled.
Natasha looked at Bucky, who nodded. "She had one returned that's older or she said there's a breed rescue service in the area."
"How big?" Stark asked, coming over to see. "Not too bad. Under a hundred pounds probably. Medium sized. Hates heat." He grimaced. "You can probably trim the coat if you end up on the west coast with me sometimes." He nodded. "Make sure Rogers won't freak out."
"Steve loves dogs," Bucky said. Wilhelmina carried out a fussy baby, but had to let him go when he tried to dive for them. "Hey, kid."
"Dada." He grinned at him. He looked at his metal arm and patted it then cuddled in, waving at his mother. She smiled and waved back.
"It's time for dinner, Alex," Wilhelmina said with a smile. "Want food?"
"Later." He waved at her. "Cuddles."
"Cuddles are great." She smiled. "Did you two have fun?"
"We're getting him an akita," Natasha said.
"That's a what sort of pet?" she asked.
"Dog."
"I'm fine with dogs. It'll give him someone to chase after. Are they playful as well as protective?"
"Supposed to be medium energy and moderately playful," Bucky said. "Usually fairly easy to train. Highly protective. Were bred to be protective and hunt."
"Great. We can like that. Will I have to help train it? I have no idea how to do that."
"No, we can work on that," he assured her. She smiled and dished up Alex's dinner, bringing it out.
"It's a special treat to not eat at the table," Natasha said, taking the bowl of casserole. The baby grinned and waved at Wilhelmina before opening his mouth and chirping at her. She smiled. "If you still think I'm a puppy, how did I give birth to a baby bird?" she asked. He beamed as he leaned over to get more food. She fed him, but was happy. Her son being goofy was cute.
***
Alex looked around the bigger dog the breeder person had. Then up at his parents. "Puppies," he said, looking serious.
The breeder smiled at him. "You're getting a puppy, Alex. Do you like a particular one?"
Alex sucked on his thumb, letting his parents walk him around to look at them. The dogs were all happy to see him. He found one in the second row and pointed with a grin for his father. "Matches!" he cooed. "Mine?"
"Yeah, she can be yours," the breeder said, pulling her out. "She's a good girl. She's a silver brindle without a mask or markings."
"Matches," Alex cooed, petting the dog after staring at her. "Me good boy." The dog lapped him and sat down, staring at the breeder.
Bucky looked at his metallic arm then at the dog. "She does match my arm, yeah." He looked at Natasha, who nodded. "We like her. Is she fixed? We're not interested in having puppies and a toddler."
"She is. She's a little on the small side, barely fits into breed standards, so I've had her fixed. She's done some obedience work." She clipped on a leash and walked them off to go over what the dog would need. The akita stared at the adults but let the baby nap on her. That was a great sign. They took the vet information and health sheet, plus a recommendation for what type of food to feed her, and packed up her and the dog. They nicely had a hitch for the dog's collar for the seatbelt. That was sweet and safe of them. Alex leaned over in his carseat, putting a hand into her fur, and went back to sleep. He was such a sweet baby. Very well socialized.
***
Natasha got out of the car once they were at the tower. They had taken the dog to the vet's to make sure it had all her shots. They had registered the dog while at the pet warehouse. Alex had picked out toys for them to play with, with the dog's approval. The adults had gotten the dog food and necessary things. They went up together, Alex hanging onto the leash. They got off on the living floor and Alex ran out, the dog following easily. Alex climbed up Clint. "Mine! Matches!" he cooed, pointing at the dog.
"It's a great looking dog, Alex." He cuddled him. "What his name?"
"Her," Natasha said. "We're not sure yet."
Clint looked at the dog. "We could name it bionic since he thinks she matches his dad's arm."
"We might," she agreed. Bucky sat down, watching Xander cuddle his dog. "We have someone coming tomorrow to start training the dog and Alex to help the dog."
"That'll help a lot," Clint agreed. "You could name them the same name so when you call the dog, the kid comes."
"No, not really," Bucky said. He patted his lap. The dog hopped down and next to him, staring at him. "That's a good girl." He petted her. Alex climbed down and wiggled up. "Good job, Alex." He petted him too. The boy beamed and barked at the dog, who nuzzled him back. He cooed and petted her, getting comfy on his daddy's lap to pet his new friend. Natasha put down the toys from the bag. That got attention. Alex got down to look at them, rolling a ball. Bionic jumped down to play with him. She'd get plenty of exercise following her boy around.
Stark came off the elevator, staring at the dog staring at him. She barked a few times. "That's Stark, he lives here too," Natasha said.
Alex beamed at her. "Toto."
Stark picked up the kid to hug him. "She's cute, kiddo." He barked and grinned. "You make a great puppy too." He put him back down. "You're wet."
"Shoot," Bucky muttered, getting up to change him. The dog followed. She barked a few times at the robot but they made peace quickly enough because it didn't smell like a human. When the baby ran back to play some more, she followed, teaching him how to play tug-of-war with her. She liked that and he did too, even if she did pull him across the floor. He laughed and got up to hug her. She growled a bit so Natasha moved him. "No touching her back belly area," Bucky said. "Dogs don't like that." Alex pouted but nodded. Tony sat on the floor and taught him where to pet the dog. Clint had already taught him how to pet ears so that worked. She liked that and so did he. Especially when he found the brush in the bag and brought it back to brush her. She adored that spoiling from her charge and the big human who smelled funny, like the robot had.
Natasha and Bucky sat back to watch. Their son was great with dogs. Maybe he'd be a vet instead of a human doctor.
***
Steve came off the elevator with Sam Wilson. They were met with a barking thing. "Whoa," Sam said, backing up. "Easy, dog. I'm friendly. Are you friendly?"
"I think that's Alex's new friend." He squatted down, letting the dog sniff him. "I live here. It's okay. I love Alex. There's a few who live here." He carefully petted her and she huffed but ran off to protect her boy, still barking.
"He's a good boy," Bucky called. He came out of the hallway in just jeans with a towel around his neck. "Both of them are okay, Bionic. They're friends. One lives here sometimes." He grinned. "Alex said she matches me."
"She kind of does," Sam said with a grin. "He good to her?"
"So far he's brushed her nearly bald between playing and petting her. She wasn't too sure about Stark but he had grease all over him again. Bruce got a friendly sniff and ignored. We have a trainer coming tomorrow to work on that stuff."
"That's a great idea. Let me know so I can learn them too," Steve said. "That way I can babysit sometimes."
Bucky smiled. "I'll gladly let you babysit and change all the diapers you want," he promised. "Better you than the ball spraying robot." He walked off. "I think us and Stark are the only ones awake. Wilson, the room next to his is open."
"Thanks," he said. He looked at Steve. "He's healed well," he said quietly.
"He mostly has. Wilhelmina did something and mind whammied him so he did it really fast." He grinned. "She's one hell of a lady at times." He went to Alex's room. His robot friend was changing him. "Let me take Bionic out for a walk, Alex."
"'Kay. Use porchies?"
"We can do that." He found the leash and clipped it on, taking the wary dog out to the atrium with all the plants. He let her go when she pulled at the leash, letting her run to water some plants. "JARVIS, can we find a way to let her down here whenever she needs to?"
"I can put a sensor on her collar if we teach her to wait at the elevator like some dogs wait at the door to be let out. The maintenance robot down here has been shown how to break up such deposits and put them into the composting system for later use."
"That's great." The dog ran back inside. Steve followed, catching the leash. "This way, Bionic." He got them onto the elevator and upstairs, unclipping her leash. She ran back to Alex's room to nap with him. That was nice of her. They checked and she was settled by his head so he couldn't accidentally kick her. She was behind his head too so he couldn't grab her to cuddle. Steve showed Sam to a room then went to his own. Then he came out with a sigh. "JARVIS, did you not see the guy hanging half in my window?"
"I have alerted the authorities but they have not felt it necessary to show up yet, sir," he said. "I can call them again. I thought the maintenance robot had cleaned up all the glass."
"It did, but I've still got a guy half-hanging in my window. Any ID on who he is?"
"He had been a SHIELD agent. I have no idea otherwise."
"Thanks." Two officers came off the elevator twenty minutes later and he showed them where the guy was. He helped them remove him, he was wearing body armor so not cut by the glass. He was unconscious and slowly bleeding from a tiny puncture to his intestinal area that hadn't come from the glass. They took him to the hospital themselves instead of waiting for an ambulance while Steve covered up the window and went to take a shower so he could sleep for a few hours.
***
Coulson walked up to one of the people he used to consider a friend. A best friend really. "Jasper." Sitwell smiled at him and shook his hand. "I'm glad you're okay." He pulled him closer like he was going to hug him. Then he whispered it. "Heil, HYDRA." Sitwell gasped and Coulson stabbed him in the stomach. He stared at him. "I don't think that's going to keep happening." He waved a hand. "Take him to Fury for interrogation." The guards nodded. Coulson looked at the staring agents. "He betrayed us." He walked off, going to find his other target. He did the same thing to him but stabbed him in the throat. He was convincing but evil and a huge part of the current problem in SHIELD. And other problems his secondary team had been dealing with.
He stared at him. "I don't think we need any sort of bugs in SHIELD, especially not Centipedes." He walked off and let the guards take that one upstairs to Fury as well. He spotted the Security Council member stomping in and followed subtly. Just in case. The guy was talking to Fury and Fury spilled that he knew about him. Mostly to see how he reacted. The guy looked resigned and said now he'd have to pull their plans sooner. Fury shot at him. The guy had a personal shield. Coulson threw the knife he had on him then shot him when the knife was deflected.
The man stared at him. "Oh, it's you. His other good hand."
"Yes, I am." He walked in. "I don't think that we need your sort here."
"I helped build SHIELD, boy."
"No, he built SHIELD," Coulson said. "He trained most of the senior agents himself. Clearly your history is faulty. Because before him, was a Stark and a Carter."
"Yes, they were too easy to take out."
"Peggy Carter's still alive," Coulson said. "Stark knows about his parents' death. So does Agent Barnes, who talked to him about it." The man stared at him. Coulson smirked a tiny bit. "We fixed him, yes." The man pulled something out and hit a button.
"I'm sorry, the number you are dialing is no longer in service," a male voice said as a shade faded into view. He stared at him. "I'm damn glad I'm here to help Dad this time." He touched the man's head. "He didn't know about Garret's plans. Huh. Not very good, are you?" He sank his fingers into the guy's head and made his brain quit working. "Hmm, no wonder Glory did it that way. Interesting." He wiped off his hand after withdrawing it, smiling at Phil. "I'll only have to intervene twice in Dad's life to make sure he's okay and I'm not turned into him."
"Did you know they were coming for you?"
"No. I have no memory of any of that." He smiled. "Beyond the baby outfit. I looked so damn adorable in it. I kinda took over Dad's old uniform when he took on his new one. I looked hot in Mom's but Stark threw a damn fit at me and called me the gay avenger again." He shrugged but grinned. "I did look like a really hot guy in it but too hot for work apparently." He faded out. "Next time you'll see me, I'll be ten or so."
"Thanks for the warning," Phil said. "We'll make sure you don't have to get near your younger self."
"Thanks," the voice said, fading out completely on the 's' sound.
Fury pointed at the empty spot. "That was little Alex. He's out of his body due to an incident in the future."
Fury just nodded. "Okay. What outfit?"
Phil took out his phone to show him the one he had been wearing when rescued. "They were going to make him truly his parent's child."
Fury grimaced. "He's cute in the baby armor."
"His parents got him kevlar impregnated outdoor wear."
"Probably a wise idea."
"And a dog."
"I'll warn Hill. She's allergic." They looked at the drooling body. "I think he's done."
"I'd hope so." He walked off. "Maria, Alex got given a dog earlier." He smiled. "It's a silver akita. He claimed it matches his father's bionic arm so it's named Bionic."
"I'll warn the agents who follow them to the park to protect him." She looked in the office and called medical staff to come pick up the empty shell of human. "Heading home?"
"Not yet. I want to see those two in a cell. I can't believe Sitwell. Garret I can see, but Sitwell?"
"Garett was your agent's training officer," she said quietly.
"I know. Ward's hiding. I can't find him so I put him on the find and question list. He's not good at hiding things."
She nodded. "Thank you." He nodded and walked off, checking his office before heading off. She walked in there, looking at the body then at Fury. "The dog's name is Bionic?"
"Didn't know that." He looked at her.
"Phil said it was a silver akita."
"Sounds protective." The med team got up there to remove him. "His brain got stopped. He's a HYDRA leader." They nodded, taking him to scan and arrest. Fury made notes on the list of agents that were definitely infected. He noticed a few on the 'question them' list and grimaced. "Phil's got to be mad."
"He's sending people to pick up Ward." He showed her. "Two of his later trainees. Pity. One was good." She handed it back. "Want one of his special ones to hunt them down?"
"Yes. That way it's solved. I know damn well the point of infection wasn't Phil Coulson."
"Garret probably. He had training duties with each one." She walked off, calling in Barton. "It's Hill. Two of Coulson's trainee agents, and one of his second team, are possibly compromised and under watch. We need them brought in." She read off the names. "Happy hunting per Director's orders, Barton." She smiled at his sneering. "Have fun." She hung up. "He'd be pleased to hunt them down, sir."
"I'm sure he would." He came out to check the lists. "What did Coulson do to Sitwell?"
"Walked up to him, said Heil, HYDRA, then stabbed him." She smirked. "It's fitting."
"It is." He went over things that they needed to clean up. "Hand," he said, staring at it.
"She's always wanted a top seat," she said quietly. She had people who squealed to her all over the multiple SHIELD bases.
Fury nodded. "I want to see her. Tonight."
"I can recall her from the HUB, sir." She called that order in. They had too many to clean up. Thankfully none of the others wanted to piss off Romanoff over her son. Because they weren't stupid, SHIELD didn't hire for stupid.
***
Natasha woke up when a light weight got onto her bed, then sighed when a wet nose sniffed her. "Good morning, Bionic." She opened her eyes, staring at the dog. Who barked back quietly. "Need into the atrium?"
"I believe he's just went out," the AI said. "But I believe he's missing his charge."
She sat up. "Where is he, JARVIS?"
"His armory." She got up and put on a bathrobe. "I can't scan part of that room. The sensors are down. I believe he's talking to a poker debt."
"Wonderful. Wake up his father?"
"I am doing so. He'll meet you down there."
"Thank you." She and the dog went to the elevator and to the gym level. Bionic sniffed and ran after her tiny human's scent. Natasha followed, walking in and staring at the...blobby thing that was her son's present guest. "Son?"
He grinned at her. "Pew pew sad."
"I'm sure he is." She walked over. "Pet your dog." He cooed and petted his dog. She looked at the large orange pile of what looked like blubber with purple streaks through it. "I'm his mother. We do an inventory when he gets things."
"That is wise," it said with a wheeze. "Alex is a special little boy. Most of us would want him to be happier this life."
"As do I. Plus in less danger."
"That is a good, motherly thing to do." He nodded at Bucky. "His debt is left in my will and will be here in a few weeks at the most." He looked around then at her. "I have one bigger thing he'd adore to have. He said he wanted one when he was in Africa."
She nodded. "If we must, we have another room it could sit in," James said.
"It will probably need a garage." He looked at the boy then at the parents. "If my own son was not so bad and close to me, I would have made him my heir. Unfortunately I'm torn. My son is evil, where I am not." She nodded. "But he is my son and will get grief for being left out of the will."
"Only you can say if he deserves it," Natasha said. "Alex does not need more than he has."
"That's good." He smiled and reached over to pat her. "He is a good, protective boy. He'll make you proud." He looked at the baby. "Goodbye, Alex." The baby ran back to hug him and babbled something. He smiled. "I know. I'll miss you as well. Watch out for my son. He's mean." Alex pointed at something and smirked. "Yes, that would work on him if he shows up." He winked and left.
Alex cuddled his mom's legs, looking up at her. "He sad."
"He is," she agreed, petting over his hair. "We'll see what happens. You should be in bed. Want a story?" He ran off, with the dog following at a trot. She looked at James, who shrugged but shook his head. "We will handle it."
"Yup, we will. Like usual." He followed her back upstairs, taking over reading duties this time. The dog wasn't in there but he heard Darcy yell 'oh, shit' about something. Natasha went to look. The dog came back with her. "Nose?"
"Checking on her." The dog hopped up onto the bed and laid behind Alex, resting on his head. "Good girl." She went back to her own bed. James tucked him in and went back to his. Darcy was going back to sleep now that the cold, wet nose was no longer in her crotch.
***
Alex ran into Bruce first the next morning. He climbed up his grumpy uncle, smiling at him when Bruce stared at him. "Why sniff butt?"
"What?"
"Why puppy sniff butt?"
"Because that's how dogs shake hands."
Alex looked so confused. "Me?"
"No, you're a people. You shake hands. Dogs don't have hands, they have paws. Shaking paws is different and a trick for dogs."
"Oh." He hugged him. "You slurp."
"I'm going to. Are you supposed to climb people?" Alex grinned at him then got down because his dog was trying to get into a cabinet. He found where the dog food was and poured some out. His dog settled in to eat it off the floor. Bruce shook his head, taking pictures for Natasha. That way she could train the kid to take care of the dog.
Natasha came out and pointed. "Alex, his food bowl is here and it feeds him ever six hours," she said patiently. "You don't have to get him more." The baby looked awed. She smiled. She scooped up the food and put it into the dog's bowl. She still enjoyed that, it was her food. Alex got put into his high chair to eat his own food. He had tried a bit of her kibble but it was ucky. He was babbling at Bruce about that. His Uncle tried stuff in the lab. That's what Uncle Tony said he and Uncle Bruce did.
"I don't do much with dog food, but I'm glad you like people food better," he said, trying not to smile.
"Us as well," Natasha said, making scrambled eggs. Wilhelmina walked in to take over. "I can."
"I'm good, Natasha. I got a full night of sleep." She looked at the baby then over the table at the dog. "It's cute."
"He named her Bionic."
"Awww." She kissed Alex on the head, handing him some toast. He grinned and gummed it until he got his eggs. "You eat. You don't feed Bionic your food, Alex. She doesn't eat people food." He nodded and dug in, humming while he ate, bopping to music only he could hear in his head. Then he got down, got cleaned up, and ran for the toys. Bionic was only too happy to follow. Even when Alex took her to the atrium's sunny area. Then they settled in the sun to play with toys. Plus she could pee if she needed to.
Natasha sat down with her breakfast, smiling when Jane trudged in looking half dead. "Didn't you rest?"
"Did," she mumbled. "After Thor." She put her head down and snored. Bruce smiled at Natasha, who grinned back. Jane was amazingly quiet for how loud Thor was during sex.
Wilhelmina started a second pot of coffee for the poor woman. She could barely wake up or walk. That poor, lucky woman.
***
Natasha walked up to where officers were surrounding her son later that week. "Where is his nanny?" she asked.
"She went batshit insane and beat the shit out of the guy that your son's dog bit," one of them said, sounding cheerful.
"Good girl, Bionic," she said, petting the dog and letting it go. "Go nap with the boy." She pointed. "Sit with Alex." The dog ran over to lap Alex. She looked at the staring officers. "That's why we got him the dog. If you're mad she bit a kidnaper...." She smirked a tiny bit.
"No, ma'am, but we wanted you to make sure you trained her against that. We'd have to note the bite and the health department could have her quarantined."
Natasha looked at the dog then at him. "I doubt that would work. She's being trained to protect the boy."
"She does an excellent job," the joking agent agreed. "I never thought dogs like that were mean."
"Akitas were bred for hunting and protection." Clint jogged over. "Check on Alex and Bionic please. She bit someone." She walked over to Wilhelmina, smiling at her. "We need to get you some of his weapons."
"I'm not supposed to use them," she complained.
"I do not care what you use as long as Alex is fine," Natasha said dryly. "If your other boss so wishes, he can come talk to me about why I'm telling you to arm yourself."
Wilhelmina smiled, handing over a knife. "I summoned his favorite one."
"I'm sure he'll enjoy helping me clean it later." She helped her up, staring at the guy groaning on the ground. "Hmm. Interesting. An international arms dealer and terrorist wants my son." He looked up at her, blinking a few times. She smiled. "Why did you want my son?" He didn't say anything. "If I have to ask again, I'll be much less pleasant."
"Ma'am," one of the officers said. "He's in police custody."
She smiled at him. "He's internationally wanted for terrorism charges and selling higher level weapons. I sincerely doubt you'll get to finish the paperwork before agencies show up to argue over who gets him." She looked at the man again. "Beyond that, he's not in cuffs. That means I'm able to question him." Steve walked around her and hauled the man up, stomping off with him. "Steve, I wanted him," she said. "I'm more than capable of questioning him myself."
He grinned. "I know you are but there's two others coming." He pointed. "Let me handle him?"
She turned and shot them. "They're no longer a problem." She followed him to the few trees that were up the path. The man screamed twice then said something. Steve's punch threw him outside the trees. She came back wiping off her hands on a wetwipe. She smiled at the staring officers. "He's part of the group that had kidnaped my son the other day. They want him to be like me."
The officers nodded, picking him up and taking him to jail. As soon as they typed his name into the computer, it started to shut down and agents mysteriously showed up about twenty minutes later to free him. The NYPD didn't let them. They held out for a known agency. So the FBI came to get him. Since the guy looked so grateful at one's presence they removed him for questioning too. By then, SHIELD was there and Agent Hill nicely questioned that agent, making him fear for his liver. She got a few very nice arrests of people who needed to move planets to stay safe. The officers had their systems restored within minutes by SHIELD and that first agency ran for their lives from Hill for doing that to them. The NYPD officers decided they kinda liked SHIELD sometimes. If they weren't handling an invasion of their city.
Natasha walked off the nanny and Steve, letting Alex hold the leash for Bionic on their way to an ice cream cart in the park. Alex cheered and shared with his dog. He was very good to her.
***
Bucky showed up at SHIELD that night, startling Hill. "Can I help?" he asked with a smirk. "I really want to talk to some of them about things."
She blinked a few times. "You're not an agent."
"I got brainwashed, Agent Hill. I know that. I'm better now."
"Coulson has four targets to get through his agents. Have him run you in the field." He nodded. "He's in his office on three." She pointed. "About halfway up the main hall."
"Thank you." He nodded politely and left her alone to wonder how he had gotten into the secured building. They had even upped security in the last few days. She looked into the office but Fury just shrugged. He had no idea and would be talking to Coulson about his ragtag bunch of misfit agents.
Bucky walked into the office after a quick knock. "Sorry I scared six of your hallmates. What can I do to help?"
Coulson looked at him. "We need to put names on offices but it's considered a security breach if they're looking for a specific agent. An ex-wife was taking out her husband once. Would you like an easy target in the city or somewhere in Romania that may be moving to Moldavia?"
"I can go on long term missions. Natasha takes more care of the kid than I do." He nodded and pointed at the door. Bucky kicked it shut and took the folder to look over. "I have no idea who he is but he's not one of the people that worked on me."
"We'd never let you go after them. We're not sure they haven't built in something to harm you."
"Not from what the witch did with her 'spoonful of sugar'," he said dryly. "I like that Wilhelmina's like a mean Mary Poppins at times. Especially when she takes the weapons from Alex."
"The hammer again?"
"Guns earlier. He stole Natasha's gun from her bedroom while she was napping." He smirked a tiny bit. "He was polishing it with Clint."
"Some day he'll be the best armed doctor ever." They went over what the objectives were, how much leeway he had for destruction, and who he needed to bring in for arrest. He gave him the number to call him for a pickup and the probable time it'd take. Bucky nodded, calling Steve on his way out of the office. Coulson went back to the tower to hand Steve the other file. "He's in the city."
He looked at it. "I can do that. Bucky?" He looked up at the senior agent.
"Europe."
"That's cool. He's good at it and it's about time. He was getting antsy. I was going to bring him on my next one." He got up and went to get what he needed out of his room and the armory closet in there. Then he left to hunt down that particular dirtbag.
Coulson smiled at Alex and his dog, who were watching tv. "Good evening, Alex." Alex waved without looking at him. He was watching something on tv that was probably not a children's show. "Who let you watch Sparticus?" he demanded. "Wilhelmina?" he called. She came out of the elevator a minute later with a few bags. "Who let him watch Sparticus?"
She looked then sighed. "JARVIS, did Stark strike again?"
"I put it onto PBS. He sat on the remote and then bounced a few times until he caught them fighting then settled in to watch. I have no control over that tv and am unable to integrate with it to turn the station."
Wilhelmina took the remote from where it was under her charge's leg, changing it back to PBS. He pouted at her. "You're too young for gladiators or porn. Deal with it." She walked off, taking the remote to the kitchen with her.
Alex huffed, looking at his dog. "She mean." He grinned at his uncle.
"I'm not putting it back on gladiator porn either," he assured him, sitting beside him to cuddle him.
Darcy walked Jane out to the kitchen. "You have to eat. You can't live on Thor's seed alone," she quipped. "It's not healthy for you."
"He won't let me do that."
"That means you haven't had anything to eat or drink since your breakfast of coffee, Jane. That's not good for science or Jane." She put her into a chair and got her a large sandwich, standing there until she ate it.
Wilhelmina smiled at her. "You're good."
"I try. Jane's usual mind gets taken over easily by science and Thor's abs." She looked out there when the baby started to chant for 'shiny'. "What does he want this time?"
"Sparticus," he said. "He accidentally found it."
"Better than all-team porn that Stark read him," Wilhelmina said dryly. "Thankfully that got stopped." Jane laughed but got up to get more food. Darcy sat her back down and made her more food. Jane inhaled it then went to brush her teeth and wake Thor up. It was their day off. Darcy made them food for later and put it into the fridge with Thor's name on it. He'd be hungry after nibbling on Jane for a while. She looked out at the fussing, looking at the dog's bowl. She found food so she moved a few pieces to make noise. Bionic came rushing in to eat. Alex followed, letting Wilhelmina put him into the high chair so she could feed him. Darcy smiled, making her dinner and making Phil a sandwich since he was taking a report on his cellphone. Then she went to her room. She found she had visitors when she got out of the shower. The baby was staring at her, eyes wide. The dog was on her bed, snuggled up to sleep. "What's up?"
"Read?" he asked with a grin.
"Sure, we can read. Turn around so I can get dressed." He huffed but she turned him around and got into better jammies than she had been planning on. She grabbed her kindle from the bag and laid down. Alex climbed up to snuggle her, letting her read to him. He yawned and fell asleep against her so she sent Wilhelmina's phone a text message. She came in to get the baby and the dog followed. She heard the dog head for the elevator when ordered to then come back up. Darcy settled in to read something more adult than a PG fairytale. She wasn't Stark, she knew not to read that stuff around the kid.
***
Wilhelmina woke up in the morning to Stark complaining loudly. Mostly about pay channels. She got up and put on her robe, walking out to see what was going on since he had mentioned Alex. She stared at the tv then at the baby. "You can't watch Game of Thrones either, kid." He grinned at her and waved. "I don't care." She turned it off. "He got into the on-demand?"
"YES!" Stark complained. "How?"
"I don't know. Yesterday he accidentally found Sparticus. Apparently he still likes swords . And naked asses." Stark stared at her. "It was!"
"It was," he agreed. He sighed, looking at the kid. "I have to put in a kid filter."
"If I could merge with the remote, I could flip it on him," the AI said patiently. "As of this moment I could not, which is why I woke you, sir."
"Thanks, JARVIS." He stared at the kid. "No. Porn. Even with swords!" He walked off.
"Sir, his latest poker debt paid off. Some of it has had to be moved to a special area and some is in Malibu's facility because it's too large for New York's storage capacity."
Stark looked up. "What did he get, an elephant?"
"No, he got a very nice jet. It's on the roof."
Stark whimpered, staring at him. "What?" he demanded.
"Let me get up a reasonable adult," Wilhelmina said, going to find Clint or Natasha. No Natasha in bed. Clint was getting out of the shower. "That poker debt that was terminal paid off."
"Okay. I can help do the inventory." He smiled.
"Including the jet?"
"Jet?" he asked. "What kind of jet?" She shrugged. He threw on clothes and headed out to the landing pad. He stared. "Shit, that is a jet. It's a Harrier jet. Wilhelmina, who was that one that paid off?"
"He was the ruler of his clan of warrior demons," she called, coming up. She blinked a few times. "I know nothing about those." She sighed, looking at him. "His son had poisoned him. He owed Xander less kittens than equaling that jet would take though."
"So him wondering if he should leave any of it to his son the other day?"
"Apparently he didn't leave him much. I wonder how his warrior clan is doing." She walked off texting someone. "Oh, he made Alex his heir and gave him all that he had accumulated in his years as Chief of the warrior clan. It's just a minor bit of weapons to them so they're cool with that and the.... Stark, um, call Pepper and ask her what a generational ship is? Beyond being somewhere near the Malibu office." He rushed to his system to look at the cameras out there. She heard a tiny whimper and looked over his shoulder. "Oh, it's a prototype space ship. Cool. Alex, you got a space ship from that one poker debt." The baby grinned and flipped back on the tv. She changed it to PBS after a few station flips so he couldn't hit a button and go back there. "Not likely, young man." Clint came off the landing pad. "Watch him? He got into Game of Thrones this time. As if Sparticus wasn't bad enough for blood, swords, and naked asses."
Clint flopped down, looking at Alex. "Wow." Alex grinned and waved at him. "You have to ask Mommy about Game of Thrones or Sparticus. Someday you'll need to know about politics and fighting but not yet. Not until you can fly the Harrier jet outside." Stark spun to stare at him. Clint nodded. "Weapons too."
"They're in the usual room, Agent Barton," JARVIS said. "I've taken the liberty of starting a rather large pot of coffee for you both."
"Thanks," he said. He looked at the kid. "Let's go do the inventory of your new pew pews." Alex cheered, taking him down there to show him. Clint looked at the weapons. "If this was only a tiny bit of what that warrior clan had, I really don't us to go to war against them." He looked at the kid. "You?" Alex patted him and ran over to look at something twinkly. Clint followed. "Who did that mean thing to the weapon, Alex? Stark!" he bellowed. He came in looking shell shocked. Clint lifted up the multi-missile launching system, which was nicely twinkly from the applied jewels. "Any idea who had this sort of taste?"
Stark stared at it. "There's not enough drugs and coffee in this world to make that seem reasonable, Barton."
"I know."
Natasha walked in. "That's less twinkly than the tank, which has a mirrored finish for heat deflection."
"The Harrier is nicely shiny," Clint said.
"He got a space ship, people! They're not toys like a bedazzled missile system." He walked off rubbing his head. "JARVIS, am I having a stroke?"
"No, sir. Just a headache. Have some coffee. I've got a cup brewing in the lab's system."
"Thanks. Find me something to put into it?"
"No. Not until you've safely put up the keys to the jeep, the tank, the jet, and disarmed the two armed bundles of weapons in the main gym."
Stark went that way to do that. Then he'd have coffee with liquor. Or maybe just coffee and then liquor. Then he could go to bed until the world made sense. Because this...it was insane. Now he knew why they all thought Alex brought chaos.
Natasha and Clint shrugged at each other. They settled in to do the inventory. They'd figure out how to de-gem the weapons later. Their son did not need to learn to like sparkly weapons. Or they could let Steve and James do it when they got back. They could bond with Alex over taking the stones off so the weapons were normal.
***
Pepper walked into the garage Stark told her to go to. It had been used to put together larger weapons that went on jet planes back when they were making weapons. She blinked at the ship that took up all the room and it looked like somehow there was extra room there shouldn't be. She stared, then called Tony. "Would you like to tell me how you did that?" she asked. "Should I worry about what you're building now, Tony?" She listened to him tell about the most recent poker debt for the baby. "We're not going to let him play in this life, right?" she asked pleasantly. She was forcing herself to smile so she couldn't swear. "Hmm. What else...a what?"
She hung up. She locked the hanger doors and put guards there so no one was allowed in there. Then she went to have a few drinks and pretend to be Tony for the rest of the day. Maybe she'd even drink like a twenty-something Stark. She deserved it for putting up with any Stark. After the fifth drink she wondered if Howard's assistants had to deal with things like this. Then again, Howard hadn't been able to remember his son's birthday so probably not. She saluted the assistant that came in. "I'm not doing anything for the rest of today."
"You're meeting with our PR people later, Miss Potts. Has something happened to Mr. Stark?"
She looked at the newest SHIELD plant at Stark Industries. "Someone paid off a poker debt by leaving a Harrier jet at the New York tower." She took another drink.
"That's sweet of them. Can any of the Avengers fly it?" Pepper smiled but shrugged. "Ah. I'll reschedule that appointment, ma'am." She went to do that. Then she called in to Hill.
***
Maria Hill went down to Phil Coulson's office, knocking before opening the door. "A jet?"
He looked up. "Alex's latest poker debt being paid off. It's a British Harrier jet." She blinked. "He also received a jeep that has clearly seen battle and a tank that has a reflective coating to make sure they don't overheat while using it." He smiled slightly. "That one was the chief of a warrior clan of demons and he made Alex his heir since his own son had poisoned him. The notes Wilhelmina got back said that it was barely one percent of their accumulated weapons. Though the bejeweled ones are a bit more odd than the jet or the tank."
"Bejeweled?" she demanded.
"Quite. We've decided Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes can deal with those to destress when they get home."
"Did you imbibe something strange?" she asked. "I am sending you for a toxicology panel in case, Agent Coulson. Do not fight the nice medical team taking you for blood and urine testing or I'll have to have the Director suspend you."
"You can go look at the new things," he offered with a smile. She snorted but he didn't fight the medical team. He came out fully clean outside of a lot of caffeine in his system. Maria Hill escorted him back to the tower, handing him to Clint Barton. "They said he has caffeine poisoning. He was imagining shiny tanks and jets."
Clint pointed. "Jet's up there. Tank's in the parking garage. His armory's set up in the secondary gym." He looked at Coulson. "Go encourage the kid to take a nap?"
"I can do that." He walked off loosening his tie. "Alex, I need to relax. Turn off Game of Thrones and help me." He shut off the tv and took the kid to cuddle and read with him. He had found his Ian Flemming collection. A good classic for the kid to learn from.
Clint led her to look at the new toys, ending up with the shiny new artillery pieces that had gemstones on them. She walked off rubbing her forehead and moaning. Within an hour there was a general there to complain about Stark having a tank and a jet. Wilhelmina came down to talk to him. He knew about the warrior clans. He was from one. That solved that and when he heard it had been Alex's poker debt, he left it alone. He signed paperwork for them as long as they were only used in cases of something like another invasion.
Nick Fury showed up scowling. He found one of his better agents sitting on the couch with the baby teaching him about the jewels on what looked like a missile launching tube. "Who did that?" he demanded.
Natasha looked up at him. "It was a present of respect to the original holder. He passed on and left it to Alex as part of his poker debt and inheritance. He named my son his heir."
Fury stared at her. "What?" he demanded. She let him see the information on that clan. Wilhelmina had printed it down for the general Fury had sent. He handed it back with a glare. "How many more of those ulcer inducing things are there?"
"Two large ones, though probably not this large. Eight total. The last one may only be equaled out in toys." She smiled. "Wilhelmina said it wasn't that much."
Fury walked off rubbing at his forehead. Once he got back to the base he went right to medical to make sure he hadn't been drugged or had a brain ripping event. "Maybe I should banish the Avengers to Europe or something," he mumbled. "It'd save me from days like this. The kid could get a good education over there." Thankfully the doctor sedated him because he was rambling. It was nice of them. He'd have to thank her later.
Natasha smiled at her son. "That is how you get Director Fury to leave you alone while you do necessary things for a few days." He hugged her arm and cooed at the jewels. He did like twinkly things.
***
Bucky called in that night. Natasha was nicely showing Alex how to match colors based on the jewels. "Why does it look like that belonged to that guy in the picture with Howard?" he asked. "Does he need more gay influence?"
She smiled. "It was part of the poker debt. Including a jet."
"Like to train him how to fly?"
"Like a Harrier."
Bucky sighed then nodded. "We'll see what we're doing with it later. My single target has turned into four since they're meeting and the other agents aren't cooperating. Is Coulson there?"
"In the shower." She paged him but JARVIS already had. Coulson came out in two towels. "He's run into the agents who think they're special."
Coulson looked at him. "Bring them all in. If the agents interfere, knock them stupid but don't harm them beyond reasonable needs." Bucky nodded. "Were you that unsure?"
"No, just of how much you wanted me to hurt 'em. They could use picked up too." He smirked. "Natasha, teach him about manly things please?"
"Earlier we were talking about why boy dogs and girl dogs looked different. He was cuddling his poor dog for being a girl and not having a dick."
Bucky just nodded. "Sure."
"The tank's nicely reflective."
"Stop." He looked at Coulson.
"The one that was dying named Alex his heir."
"Ah."
"They're a warrior clan."
"That explains everything but the jewels on the weapons?"
"Presents of respect."
Bucky nodded. "Thanks anyway." He hung up. Coulson texted him the ETA for pickup and went back to his shower. Bucky was looking up and asking God why his son had to be that way. Was it really necessary? They could make him into a tough guy like Bucky was, or like his Uncle Steve was. Or hell, even Barton was. Please?
Natasha smiled at her very weird son. "When he gets home, help your father's headache once he's cleaned up. All right?" He nodded and cuddled her, petting the weapon. He loved weapons. Twinkly ones were fun too. Very educational.
***
Steve got back from his mission first. He paused in the armory to look then shook his head as he went upstairs. He smiled at the kid and dog. "Hey, Alex. Want to spend the night with me and Daddy?"
He pointed at the tv. "Daddy there."
"He's not back yet?" Alex shook his head with a grin. "That's fine. We can have pizza." The baby squealed and hugged him. "Get me the leash and have Wilhelmina pack you up for a few days. That way Mommy can go do something mean to someone."
She leaned out of the kitchen. "Make sure he can't get to your cable. He's been trying to watch HBO."
"I don't have those stations, Natasha." She smirked a tiny bit. "We'll go do guy things."
"James would appreciate that."
"I saw the armory."
"Did you see the tank or the jet?"
"No, I hadn't. I'll look at them later." He picked up the baby, took the dog's leash from Wilhelmina, and the bag from her too, and they left together. He'd call the guy training the dog to come to his place instead. He and Alex had some pizza and then went over how guys did things like fight and treat a woman correctly. It was important guy lessons his own mother had given him. Natasha was trying but she wasn't used to guys as more than targets or playmates. He and Bucky really had to step up the guy role in Alex's life.
Bucky got back that night, walking in shaking water out of his hair. "Hey," he said. "It's raining."
"It does that," Steve said. "Your bed's full of dog and kid."
"That's great. We can teach him more manly things than weapons with gems on them or shiny tanks." He went to shower. When he got out, Alex was waiting and gave him a hug. "Thanks, Alex. Go back to bed and I'll come read to you once I've got clothes on." The baby ran back in there with the dog following. He toweled off and got dressed, going in to read his son a story about normal guy things. Alex wasn't going to be ambiguous about being a guy. He'd be a manly guy and proud of it some day. They just had to undo the stuff that the robot and gems had done to him.
Steve came in to help. The baby adored that and tried to get them to kiss. Yup, they had to unwarp the kid. Soon.
***
Darcy smiled at the little guy who ran off the elevator a few days later, picking him up to cuddle. "Hi, Alex. Are you back?" He nodded and cuddled in on her shoulder, playing with her hair. She sat down with him. "You're such a good boy."
Bucky came off the elevator, dropping the kid's bag into a chair. "Sometimes he is. Sometimes he's not."
She stared at him. "If he's gay, he's gay," she said bluntly. He winced. "If he is, he was probably born with the leaning and no matter what you would've done he would be. So quit picking on gay guys. Before they start picking back and demand your head on a pike or something. Does Steve let you get away with that bullying?"
"No." He huffed. "I don't want him to be...."
"Weaker?" she interrupted. "Being gay doesn't make you weaker, Barnes. A lot of times it makes you stronger for all the shit you gotta put up with."
"I'll change terms." She scowled. "You're not my mom."
"No but I can make your life a living hell." She smiled sweetly. "Quit picking on people like one of my cousins."
"Fine. I don't want him to be weaker or seen oddly."
"He's got you for a father. They're going to say stuff," she said. "The same as they will about his mom and wondering if anything passed on. Or if you two are teaching him to take out bad guys as a toddler. That's life. Sorry but it is. Humanity is dirty and full of assholes." Alex nodded, smiling at his father and waving. She swatted his wandering hand. "The boobs aren't yours. Quit trying to claim them." He kissed her on the cheek and snuggled in again. She stared at James again. "Have you seen the latest they're saying about you and if he's gay it's your fault?"
"Not likely. I have a long history of dames."
She flipped on a news station. "Not on there. JARVIS, did you save any of that down?" He turned on the video of the news discussion program.
Bucky stared at it. "Sexually aggressive stalking?" he demanded.
"You do kinda have a bad boy strut," she quipped. "That plus leather? Yeah." He scowled at her. She grinned back. "You'll have to teach him that strut when he's old enough to pick up girls." She put him down. "I said no groping my boobs, Alex." He pouted. "Tough. You know better. Good boys don't grope." He pouted and cuddled her side with the dog.
Steve came off the elevator. Bucky rewound it to let him see it. Steve stared. "You do walk a bit more swishy than you used to." He looked at his best friend with a grin. "Sexually aggressive stalking is an apt description." Darcy threw a pillow and hit him. "Darcy!"
"No more putting down gay people."
"I..oh. Sorry." He grimaced. "I did not mean it that way."
"Well, fix it." She pointed at the baby. "Before he learns to bully."
"No, I don't want to bully anyone," Steve said. He sighed, looking at Bucky. "I know you don't want him to seem as weak as I used to be."
"Even when you were scrawny they never thought you were weak. I don't want him to be seen like Miranda."
"I remember him." He grinned. "He was pretty in a dress." He looked at Darcy. "We'll quit that." She smiled. "Thank you for pointing it out." JARVIS switched to a current program, letting them see the idiot people talking about 'was it the mind control or just him' and showing tapes of them fighting back during the war. Steve blinked. "Why are you making that face as we bust in?"
Bucky shrugged. "No clue. Seemed appropriate at the time?"
"He does the duck lips each time he's thinking," Darcy said dryly. "Especially if he's staring at his arm." Bucky groaned, shaking his head. "Sorry, so probably always been there. They're right though, your stride did lengthen and get looser." He walked off shaking his head. "Pepper said to either make a comment or ignore it." She smiled at Steve. "Thank you."
"Welcome. If you had mentioned it earlier I would've realized it." She shrugged. "We'll work on that. I knew a few guys who liked boys and dicks." She smiled at him. "Especially during the war." He followed his best friend. He watched Bucky walk in the mirror, tossing him his pistol from the dresser. That addition of a weapon did change his stance and how he walked. Bucky groaned, putting the gun down and going to hide in the bathroom. "At least they think you look nice while stalking," he called after him.
"Shut up, Stevie." He slammed the bathroom door.
Steve walked out to spend time with Alex. He was cooing over something shiny Darcy had on. She was trying to get it back. Steve cleared his throat and held out a hand. The baby pouted but gave it to him. He gave it back to Darcy. "Thank you. Good boy." He sat down. "We've got to work on how to go potty like a big boy too." Alex pouted at him and pointed at his robotic buddy. "You can still play with him. Uncle Tony can reformat him so he can help you pick up your toys." He pointed. The baby got down to play with the dog, who wanted to nap but would gladly cuddle him while chewing on something.
Steve got down to play with him. They hadn't brought any toys so he had to improvise but Alex hadn't minded. "We've got to teach you a bunch of guy stuff soon. Including how to wear a t-shirt." He straightened it out on him. Alex hugged him, slobbering on his cheek. "Thanks, Alex."
"Wilhelmina started cackling 'I'm free' when you guys left," Darcy said, smiling at him.
"She needed a few days off. Alex is really active." He looked at her then at Alex. "Let's go look at these poker debts, Alex." He got up with a squeal and ran for outside. Steve followed. Bucky followed a minute later thanks to Steve texting him.
James looked at it. "I've shot one down but I've never tried to fly one."
Jane leaned out the door. "Stark said that the module to activate the weapons is in the same lockbox as the keys. It's in his lab. It's blue. The one for the tank is in silver. He's still hiding whatever they sent to Malibu because it was too big and Pepper's a bit freaked out by it too." She went back inside.
"Good to know," Bucky decided. He climbed up and looked inside the cockpit. "Seems to all be here but one giant piece is missing. I'm guessing that's the weapons arming module." He climbed back down. Alex was petting it from Steve's hip. "We need to learn how to fly this."
"We need to make sure we can use the tank too," Steve said. "I doubt it hasn't been upgraded since the war." They went to look at the shiny tank. "I need sunglasses," he decided.
"Hopefully all the shininess will keep heat from making it an oven in there," Bucky said. He let Steve climb up while he held Alex for tank petting time.
Steve came out and nodded. "Much more technical and I think it can drive itself."
"We'll take lessons." He looked at the baby then at his best friend. "The armory?" he sighed.
Steve nodded and they went up there. Alex squealed and ran over to pounce the actual cannon. Like civil war era cannon. It worked too by what they looked over. The bedazzled weapons they ignored.
"Blue," Alex said, smiling and pointing. "Red."
"They are," James said with a smile. He picked him up. "That's really smart, Alex." Alex cuddled him and pointed at something. Bucky picked it up. "Wow, I don't want to know what that's for and why there's blood on it." He carefully put it down.
Steve looked, activating it. "It's like an electro whip." He turned it off. "Natasha has one but hers is more flexible than this one."
Bucky nodded, carrying the baby off. "Some day we'll have to talk to him about girls."
"He's got years before then. And he'll have to be potty trained. Girls don't like diapers," Steve quipped back. Peeing like a guy was next on their list to teach Alex. He had 'helped' them in the bathroom the whole week he had been with them. He still looked confused each time they used the bathroom though. He'd get it eventually. He was only two.
***
Natasha watched her son try to get the diaper changing robot to change him while standing. "You only stand if you're wearing big boy underwear," she said quietly. He looked at her. "Diapers mean laying down." He pouted but let the diaper changing robot change him. She looked up how you did diapers during potty training. The tip site she liked suggested a certain type of diaper so she looked that up. That was handy and it gave tips on how to pick comfortable 'big boy undies' that the son would like as well.
Though she was not putting her son into superhero panties. He'd probably want to show them off to whichever of them was on them. Suddenly a head appeared between her and the screen. She smiled at the grinning kid. "Were you bored, son?" He held up the leash. "I have no idea where Bionic is. Call for her." He squealed and ran for the elevator. The dog came rushing out to join him so he took her down to the atrium. Most of their toys were down there at the moment. That made everyone happy because Wilhelmina could sit and read in the sun without worrying.
It also gave Natasha personal time without help from the very helpful son. She sent the site on potty training tips to James, who sent back a virtual grimace. She pointed out it was coming soon. He had tried to get the diaper changing robot to change him like he had used the toilet. James grumbled but he'd help because he hated diapers. The thought of accidents in big boy underwear didn't make him any happier but they happened to little kids.
***
James sent the text message and turned his phone off, looking at Steve. They were supposed to be sparring. "Natasha looked up how to potty train."
"That's a good thing. He should be ready to about his next birthday."
"They have special diapers for it. The page said that kids might still have accidents." Steve grimaced. "How did we do it?"
"I have no idea. I know one of the older women in the neighborhood was chatting and told my mother in her day kids were strapped to the potty chair for long periods so they didn't have to clean them."
"There's been days that might've been nice," James said.
Steve grinned. "You have the robot for those days."
"Yes we do." He shook his head, walking back onto the matts to restart the sparring. Steve grinned. "What?"
"I saw a picture of the little girl. She's blonde and cute and was wearing a dress she clearly liked being in."
"Awww, so glad my son doesn't like dresses."
"We'd make him a classy dame."
"Yeah, we would have to." He shook his head. "I don't want to think about him liking dresses." Steve took a harder swing at him. "That helped." They fell back into the old patterns and it was better. They could handle the rest of the toddler years. Then the kid would be in school and they've be saved some of the roaming madness that Alex brought to their lives.
If the world didn't end first since Steve's phone chose that moment to start ringing the special emergency ringtone.
The End.
A Toddler (Future) Hero