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Misplaced To Just The Right Spot.

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Dawn came in the next day yawning. "Morning, Darcy."

"Morning, Dawn. How was your night?"

"Full of fussy kids. Mira and Lexi have the sniffles and refused to sleep." She settled behind her desk, staring at the screen that wouldn't let her log in. "JARVIS?" she asked dryly. "What's going on with my computer?"

"I have no idea, Dawn. Let me ask Sir." A pause. "He has no idea."

Dawn sighed, looking up. "Darcy, log in?" She nodded, doing that. "Can you search the employee log?" She found it and let Dawn see. "Ah. That's nice that someone put me on maternity leave. At least they didn't try to fire me this time." She called down there. "Lisa, I'm not on maternity leave, I just needed a day." She listened. "No, I'm not. I can have Doc call mine to make sure but I know I'm not. No, I'm not seven months, Lisa. I'm four and a half but I'm having triplets. Some Asgardian goddesses decided real warriors needed more kids than three so I'm carrying another three."

Darcy was trying not to laugh but shaking her head. Liz came in and hugged her. "Morning, niece. Let me work on this and then I'll cuddle." She went back to the phone. "Thanks, Lisa. No, my log in doesn't work. Yeah, that'll be great. I'll be there in a few minutes." She hung up and picked up Liz to cuddle. "We need to go to HR. What did you do while I was gone?" They walked off together, Liz babbling about the animals. "That's a cool event. I'm glad Darcy found that to take you." She paused in the infirmary. "Doc, I need your help in HR. They decided I'm seven months along and on maternity leave."

"Coming," he called. Doctor Shivs came out, smiling at Liz. "Morning, Liz."

"Morning," she chirped. "Have you seen cows and goats?"

"I have," he said with a grin. "My mom used to have a cow we milked."

"Wow. Like milk in a jug?"

"Yeah, those come from cows."

"Mine said it comes from almonds," she said, looking confused.

"Not quite the same stuff so we'll figure it out," Dawn said. She nodded and accepted that for now. Dawn walked into HR. "Lisa?" She came out. "I brought proof of how far along I am."

"She's four and a half months, Lisa," Doctor Shivs said. "We just did the ultrasound last week. She's officially eighteen weeks tomorrow."

"Beyond that, I don't take maternity leave at seven months," Dawn said. "The last two times I worked to nearly when I went in labor. Outside some time spent on Asgard with Philip."

Lisa frowned at her. "We put all women on maternity leave, Dawn."

"No we don't. That's up to them," Shivs said. "Though that probably explains why one of my nurses is gone this morning." Lisa scowled at him. He stared back. "I've seen scarier, dear. Really. I take care of she who doesn't like scars," he said with a point at Dawn. Liz giggled at that. He took Liz. "This is boring big people stuff. Can you tell your mommy we need her?"

"She's in the tub today."

"It's her day off," Dawn agreed. "Go find your dad?" She nodded and ran off. Dawn looked at the head of HR again. "I didn't file for maternity leave. I had three days off due to a sprained back, not went on permanent leave. I didn't even file for more than vacation days used."

"Still, you have to go on leave. That is company policy." She huffed off.

Dawn looked up. "JARVIS?" she called.

"He's on his way, Dawn."

"Thanks."

Guards came in. "Summers, we're supposed to be removing you from the building because you're supposed to be on suspension," one of them said.

"Tony's on his way here." She sat down, staring at them. "He can straighten this out."

Tony strolled in a few minutes later reading on his tablet while cuddling Liz. He looked up at the guards then at Dawn. "Did you threaten the company?"

"Not yet," she said dryly. "Apparently I'm being forced on maternity leave because it's company policy according to HR?"

"No," he said, shaking his head. "It's not."

"It is so," Lisa said, stomping out of her office. "That is company policy."

"Lady, I set company policy with Pepper. It is not company policy," Tony said dryly. "Nor is Dawn on maternity leave. She's got a long time of suffering while fussing at everyone for that."

"She's suspended," Lisa demanded with a point at the guards then at Dawn. "Remove her."

"That's not going to fly," Tony said. "It's my company, not yours. Petty tyrant moves like that won't work. JARVIS, I need Pepper."

"She's already on her way down. I've let her see the whole event through the security cameras, sir," the AI said. Then he sighed. "Christopher is in a screaming match with someone."

"I'm going," Tony sighed. "Is it important?"

"Yes. He caught someone doing something very wrong," the AI said.

"Send Barnes to Chris if he's here," Dawn said. "It's probably going to take a security thing anyway?"

"It'll take a police officer," the AI said. "He caught someone trying to molest Patty. She was fighting him off but he was getting insistent when Christopher found him."

"Send Barnes," Tony ordered. "Have him bring the asshole to my office so I can fire the asshole. Is Patty all right?"

"Yes. Oh, dear, there's Jonathan." Dawn winced, calling him. "He doesn't have his phone, Dawn."

"Tell him to bring her to the infirmary," Dawn ordered. She looked at Shivs, who smiled and went to help. "Before he can smite the asshole who touched his wife."

"I have ordered such. Agent Barnes has arrested the miscreant and is dragging him to the office, sir. Miss Potts is nearly to HR."

"Thanks," Tony said, looking at Dawn. "Why Barnes?"

"Because the boys will listen to him," Dawn said. "Like they do Clint."

"Point. He here?"

"West coast SHIELD office," she sighed. She sent Clint a message, getting one back saying he was on his way there. "On his way, boss."

"Good. That can only help them calm down." Pepper walked in. "Few problems, Pep."

"I heard." She looked at Lisa. "You don't make policy for Stark International. I do with Tony. Or the board does but I can overrule them. There's no mandatory maternity leave. Dawn's not suspended."

"Women shouldn't be here after they're mothers," Lisa said firmly. "It's wrong!"

"Not really. That's why we have a daycare," Pepper said. "The same as I'm working even though I have kids." She stared at the guards. "You guys have fun removing the head of HR from my building and we'll be talking to her in two days about her continued employment. Dawn, go help Jonathan."

"Going," she agreed. "Can we have an audit?" she asked, holding up her tablet. "I used Tony's log in and it says I've only been working here for two years, Pepper."

"Yes, I can do that. Is that what they're saying your salary is?"

Dawn looked then nodded. "That has been my salary for a year."

"Bullshit! Why didn't you tell me they cut your salary?"

"I did put up a challenge to it," Dawn said.

"Tell me these things, Dawn," she said impatiently.

"I told her and put through the challenge," Tony said. "They should have fixed it." He looked. "You made more than that in high school." He glared at Lisa. "You know what, there's no discussion. Apparently we need to clean house here. We'll be doing an audit later. Guys, please remove the former head of HR. Permanently." He walked off. "Let me go talk to the idiot in the office."

"Liz, you don't need to hear us yell at him. Go wake up Calia and make sure Chris isn't injured," Dawn said.

"Yup," she agreed. She ran off to do that.

Dawn looked at Pepper. "I'm not sure if Chris is or not but yelling at the attempted rapist?"

"No, I don't want her hearing about that," Pepper agreed, staring at her. "Knife kit?"

"Darcy said she got really taken by wood carving so it's a beginning kit that needs an adult to supervise," Dawn said.

"Oh, that's nice. I can see that. We can work on that some nights."

"Or she can ask one of the guards or me or Clint, or Thor if he's around," she said quietly. "She thought you'd think it was silly."

"I can see that. We can work on that later. Go help, Dawn." She nodded, going to do that. Two agents walked in to stare at her. "Agent Coulson, are you busy today?"

"No. It's my mandatory week off so I came to check on the children and make sure their self defense training was up to snuff."

"Good, can you do an audit of the HR department?"

"I can," he said with a smile. "Gladly, thank you. I was bored. It was here or the dogs." He went to the office to deal with things.

Pepper looked at Natasha. "Clint?" she asked, sounding hopeful.

"With Jonathan to help him."

"Good. I need you to make sure that the lab people and I have a talk later. Please?"

"I can do so and offer some time to teach some self defense moves. The fact she held out for almost a half-hour means she was doing much better than I thought she was." She walked off to get that memo started.

Pepper walked off, going up to the office to listen to Tony rant at the idiot. She sighed as she walked in. "Why was he trying to rape her?"

"He thought she was with a weak male so he was going to take her from him," Tony said. "I've stopped myself from slugging him a few times, Pepper."

"I'm proud." She smiled. "Agent Coulson is doing the audit since he's bored on his week off."

"I'll make sure he has the access." He stared at the officers being let in. "Are you here about our attempted rapist?"

"We had someone call to say that they had a fired employee that your people can't remove, Mr. Stark."

"No, the former head of HR tried to force Dawn out," Pepper said. "Illegally. She's now fired." The officer smiled. "Since you're here, have a rapist my son helped stop."

"That's a good boy, ma'am." He came in to cuff the guy and walked him off reading him his rights.

Clint leaned in a minute later. "The former church that gave you guys so much problems. The HR lady and a few others were part of that group, including the asshole Chris stopped. By the way, he broke his hand, Stark, but his sisters are babying him with Patty. He's going to get sick from ice cream soon." Stark and Pepper both smiled. "Jonathan's calm and I'm helping Natasha run the self defense event." He walked off. "Dawn, are you all right?" he asked, staring at her since she was clutching the wall and her stomach.

"Little toes," she moaned. He helped her to her seat, settling in to rub her stomach. "Oh. Thank you. Oooh." He helped her up and to the bathroom then helped her back to her seat. "Damn they're strong."

Clint kissed her and smiled. "They're like Nat," he agreed.

"Yeah, they are." She took another kiss. "Let me know if I can help later."

"I can do that." He strolled off to tell Natasha she was getting help. He could distract Dawn from helping them teach everyone self defense. Or maybe Darcy could with clothes. He ran into Darcy in the hallway, pulling her aside. "Dawn just got the snot kicked out of her," he said quietly. "Can you maybe distract her for a bit?"

"Of course I can watch out for her." She smiled. "She's neat." She walked off, smiling at Dawn, who was rubbing her stomach. "Need a heating pad?"

"No, I'm fine. Whatever Clint said I'm fine."

"He told me you got kicked like they were in some sort of strange martial arts competition and could I help you do things today."

"Oh. Well...." She looked at her stomach then at Darcy. "Carrying just one was a bit easier."

"I'm sure it was." She grinned. "Need anything right now?"

"I'm good. I have water heating for tea in my kettle." She pointed at it behind her.

Darcy looked then sniffed, letting Dawn sniff. "You're heating tea?"

"No, I wasn't. I was heating water."

"Which lab does this go to?"

"Seven. That's Andrew. He'll run it for me. He's like a brother."

"I can do that." She took the kettle down there, smiling as she walked in. "Hey, guys, Dawn said to bring this to you. It's supposed to be water she's heating."

Andrew took it to look at. "It's green." He pulled out a sample that MB took to run. He grinned. "Jonho's fine and so is Patty."

"It's reasonable and normal to be really upset and scared, or just cuddling her. If it was my spouse being attacked I'd still be fussing over them."

"They're in an unused office to cuddle." He shrugged. "I'm good."

"Clint said he's helping Natasha run a self defense event."

"I can bring Roombas to help." She smiled and let him do whatever he was doing. "She's kinda nice," he decided. MB came back in with a sheet of paper. "Do you like Darcy?"

"She's a really nice lady. She bakes, she gently nags with some humor. She threatened to use spoon airplanes to help a few of my fellow chemists eat." He grinned. "They're running a self defense lecture."

"I heard." He took a kiss. "Is that whatever was in the kettle?"

"That'll take twenty minutes." They worked on an idea together until someone in the lab paged her. She went back there, coming back frowning. "I have no idea what that is."

Andrew took it to look up. "Its to make her miscarry. JARVIS, I need Clint. Right now." Clint came in a few minutes later. "What was in her water heating kettle." He let him have it. He pointed at the computer so he could read that over.

"I wonder if it was the assholes from that church who hates talented people, and morphed into this morning's problem, or if it was someone else. Hey, JARVIS? Who put that in there?"

"I can't find anyone pouring anything into the kettle beyond Dawn adding some bottles of water," the AI said. "I know she wouldn't do that to herself."

"No, she wouldn't. The water?"

"I have no idea," the AI admitted.

"We can test it," Clint decided, going to check. He handed Dawn the paper before getting into her mini fridge. "The water looks normal."

"That chemical changes when heated," Dawn said quietly. "Have fun asking them, dear."

He took a kiss. "Let me have the water bottles checked." She nodded, grimacing. "It'll be okay. Even if they hate that some goddesses knocked you up for me, they're stupid."

She smiled. "I know. I'm just remembering all the attempted poisonings I had with Philip."

"I'm here now and there's no missions and nothing's going to distract me." He took a kiss, staring at her. "It's all good. If we have to, we'll go back to the morning sickness testing." She nodded that might be a good idea. "Then we'll do that." He took another kiss, taking the water bottles in there down to the lab so MB could test for that chemical, or others.

Pepper came out, staring at her. "What happened?" Dawn handed over the sheet of paper. "How did that get into your kettle?"

"I don't know. I didn't see any residue when I looked before pouring water. Clint's testing the water. I know I didn't do it."

"I know you didn't, Dawn. Even if they're trying to make it seem like you did, we know you want those kids, no matter how they came into being." She looked around then at her. "Do you want to go home?"

"No, I'm safer here and I'm needed."

"Okay." She hugged her around the head. "It'll be okay. Remember, we'll all help you protect yourself and them." She went to text Tony that information. He said that the security footage doesn't show anyone touching anything near her desk for two days.

Xander appeared a few hours later with a goddess in a headlock. "Tell her," he ordered.

"We do not want that daughter to come into being!" she sobbed. "We will not allow it."

Dawn got up to smack the goddess around until she begged for mercy. "That's for trying to kill my kids." She sneered. "It was a few of you that wanted them to come into being, or I wouldn't be pregnant right now. So suck it the fuck up, whore."

"She's actually a love goddess in a little known pantheon," Xander said dryly.

Dawn stared at him. "Does that mean I can kill her?"

"No. I need Phil to be diplomatic so he can talk to her head goddess."

"He's in HR doing an audit of the fundamentalist plan of the day," Dawn said dryly.

Pepper came out to stare at Xander. "Why did she want Dawn to miscarry?"

"They think that the female the Asgardians wanted to come into being will take some of their glory and prettiness. They've totally missed the point of *why* they wanted that daughter to come into being again."

Dawn looked up at him. "They had a good reason?" she asked.

Loki appeared, staring at her. He took her keyboard to call up a story and let her read the headline. "Because the pantheons need protections from the same sort that tried to make you miscarry. There's not many that are strong enough to hold a fence post."

"Is this like being called as a slayer?" Pepper asked, wincing when she looked at Dawn.

"No, it'll be who she is," Xander said. "Like her mom, she'll end up being a fierce defender of what she thinks is right. We don't expect her to do anything more than whatever she wants to do with some self defense training. They have Alana for the heavy fighting but they need people who can support the warriors, like the twins do," Xander said, looking at Dawn.

"Artemis is a warrior in her own right," she said.

"Which Alana or I could call on if Valhalla or anywhere is attacked. We won't need to until she's much older, but the same sort of fundamentalist asshole who keeps vexing you is going to try to destroy things that aren't their way."

"Which would mean all the other pantheons," Pepper realized. Loki nodded. "So just the one?"

"Dawn does it naturally," Xander said. "Clint and Natasha probably would've turned out the same way if they had matured like a normal kid." He shrugged. "Some people don't have a clue and they're proving it." He glared at the goddess then smiled at Dawn. "Gaia was the one who foresaw it being a problem so they need anchors, which your kids are anyway, and warriors, which some are and I'm training more every day."

Dawn nodded. "I guess I can see that," she agreed. "I don't want my kids to be SHIELD agents, Xander."

"No need for them to be. They're anchors because you are and they'll grow up knowing about all of us and the weird things out there. That makes them an anchor we can use to power from prayers. Even if love goddesses are interfering, they have a point in being around. Love keeps humanity strong and not fading out like the Ancients did. That's why they were created." Loki nodded at that but rolled his eyes.

"Then can we do something about a certain love goddess who's been actively trying to harm geeks?" Dawn asked. "Before I walk up to her and break her nose?"

Xander read her mind and nodded. "Yeah, I can do that."

"You might ask the baby goddess group too," Loki said quietly. "Diama still has no love for a certain blonde goddess."

"Yeah, I can see why," Dawn said. "She hates anyone who thinks. Was the guy earlier sent by her?" she asked Xander.

Xander looked toward the labs, grimacing. "She didn't stop it. We have got to talk to her and Hera."

"Wasn't she sent to a mortal life?" Pepper asked quietly.

"They thought the minor goddesses needed the leash holder," Loki complained with a sigh. "So they let her back early."

Dawn shook her head. "Fiona was in the lab earlier complaining about Athena and Zeus."

Loki looked then groaned. "She's right."

Xander smirked. "No. Not on my watch." He summoned Gaia. "Here, have the one that tried to derail your protections." He handed her over. "Then have someone read Fiona and Diama's minds please."

Gaia stared at him. "Why?"

"Look at Patty and Jonathan's love line," Dawn said, rubbing her stomach as she leaned back. "Sorry, being kicked."

Loki smirked. "I have very strong future godchildren."

"Who won't let me sleep," Dawn said. "Don't get too happy until they have colic." Loki laughed but summoned down the tiny goddess group. Xander's twin sisters showed up with them. "Ladies."

Diama smiled at her. "Thank you for protecting us, Dawn."

"You're most welcome, sweetheart. You guys need it more than most. You help people who do great things for humanity." She gave her a cuddle. "You're a good girl. Most of the time."

Fiona smiled at Loki. "I need somewhere to practice how I help protect us. If I use the temple's garden there's going to be screaming."

"We can figure that out. There's some of the realms of Asgard that could use some growth."

"She's learning offensive herbology from the Atlantis botanists," Xander told him.

"That could be quite interesting. We'll have to see how it comes out so we can plan for it showing up." Fiona smiled and nodded. "Ladies," he said, staring at the twins. "You two must take self defense lessons."

"Of course we will," they said in unison. They smiled at him. "Strife helps us a lot."

"Good," Xander agreed. "I'm glad he can." He looked at Gaia, pointing at Diama. "Start with hers please."

Gaia moved closer to read Diama's mind then groaned. She looked at the love fields she could touch, shaking her head. "We will stop that."

"Thanks and many of the geeks here would say the same thing," Dawn said quietly. "I've heard her saying that she thought people with big minds needed a leash keeper to retrain them. It's like MB's mom only worse."

Gaia nodded. "I can see that. No, it will not happen. Love is love even if both parties like to do lab work or be agents." She sighed, rubbing her forehead.

"Is there any truth that pregnant goddesses should be protected?" Dawn asked casually.

Gaia stared at her then up there. "Oh, charming! Yes, there is, Dawn. As you should let your spouses protect you."

"I have." Loki snorted. Dawn glared at him. "I can still stab you a few times. It won't kill you."

He looked amused but snorted again. "If you're sure, chit." Dawn pulled a knife so he disappeared to share that meeting with his husband.

Xander looked up then at her, grinning. "So grounded for fussing time."

"They do it really good," she promised, smiling at him.

"Yay. So grounded, Dawnie." He kissed her on the head then looked at Gaia. "Well?"

"We'll hold a mass meeting and tribunal. They have apparently not seen this going on."

Ares and Loki reappeared together. "We have to make plans," Ares said.

"I've talked with all the protectors of each Pantheon," Phil said. "Just to make sure someone like a fanatical asshole with plans can't get into their mounts. There's some in each and every religion and frankly, I'm tired of dealing with them again."

"If I show up to help, I get yelled at," Xander admitted. "Generals don't appreciate me. Ares?"

"I get the same thing," he admitted. "Most of them don't believe in any pantheon but their own."

"I've heard that," Phil agreed. "Can we work around it?"

"We probably should before they get too entrenched and I have a huge further issue to handle," Xander said. "I don't really want to go fight that war on my own."

Ares glared at him. "You can call the war gods."

"A few of them aren't really concerned about anything going on in humanity," Phil said. "That Xander will handle it. A few even questioned why I was asking questions to make sure security arrangements were kept."

"I've run into them," Ares said.

"Tyr tried to ask and I pointed out how easy it was to get up there to ruin things then pointed him toward the groups that wanted to dissect Thor to see what he was. Tyr was not happy but he got Heimdall to go over the security arrangements that night."

Xander nodded. "I got a few dirty looks for suggesting that the protectors all train together. Mostly because that might hinder a later war." He rolled his eyes. "I pointed out loudly that inter-pantheon wars aren't what I was worried about. We could spank for that like the kids they were acting like. I showed them all the fantastic people who decided their way was the only right way so they were going to take all the others out. They decided it was a good idea to up things but not share it. So they can train together for fighting but not defending."

"Almost none know how to use a gun," Phil told him.

"I know. They're coming to the temple after I've got this group done with. Some may be there sooner to hit on the valkyries. Alana's thrilled," he finished sarcastically.

Phil shook his head. "They need the training." He looked at Ares. "The same as your youngest does."

Ares looked so confused. "What can Fiona do?"

"Offensive herbology. She's been learning from the botanists on Atlantis," Gaia said, patting him on the arm. "She knows how to grow appropriate things to stop a team of people."

"It does keep her and Diama safer," Xander agreed. "Diama learned the way of siege engines recently. Just in case we need them."

Ares blinked a few times. "I didn't consider that."

"There's ancient and modern weapons that people like that probably wouldn't expect," Dawn said. "They don't want to consider anything but current modern ones they can buy or make themselves. And sometimes knives. If you ask Clay you could probably figure out all sorts of weapons no one's expecting to run up against."

"I've had that talk a few times," Ares said, looking at her. "Why are you here?"

"I work here," she said dryly.

"No, the other one," he said with a point at Darcy.

"She works here until we can get her home."

"Oh, that's fine I guess. It's a strong, protective place." He looked at the kids then at Gaia. "I need to know what you have planned for security measures so I can train my held back warriors."

"They're coming to the temple too," Xander quipped.

"That'll work for me," Ares decided. "Tyr's?"

"Valhalla," Xander said dryly, staring at him. "And stubborn. Alana's busy training the valkyries and others under her aegis. The new warrior classes are being trained into it as part of their training."

"She has some gift for strategy," Loki said, looking pleased.

"John blessed it into her," Xander quipped.

Gaia swatted him gently. "We will go hold a tribunal about things being shifted."

"I don't have the time to deal with the goddesses," Ares said.

"We're highly busy with those same problems and others," Phil said. "I'd rather we have a goddess with sense and kindness in charge of the goddess tea society."

"Thankfully that leaves out my maternal unit," Xander quipped. "Hestia?"

"No," Gaia said with a head shake. "Sorry but she couldn't control them. Athena either if she's back."

"The elder Celtic goddess?" Dawn suggested. "Very old, wise, over wisdom if I remember right."

"Hey, Peter," Xander called. "We need to see your aunt in a few minutes."

Gaia smiled. "That is a great suggestion." She looked at the two couples then smiled. "Go, we'll hold the tribunal in a moment." They left with the goddesses. Gaia looked at Dawn. "You really must rest, dear."

"I have been. I just had three days off."

Gaia felt her stomach and smiled. "Hera was interfering again. Clearly she didn't realize some things." She stopped the problems and stepped back. "Asclepias?"

He appeared and moaned, healing Dawn and her children. "They need to stop."

"Can you do the poisoning shield again?" Dawn begged, giving him the puppy eyes. "They've tried again like when I was having Philip."

He nodded. "I can definitely do that. Thankfully the Keys have settled in already." He guarded it and smiled. "There, that will protect them even if you get radiated." He kissed her on the head. "You're tired."

"I just had three days off. I'm okay, I'll sleep tonight."

He smirked and nodded. "You will, yes. You need to eat."

"Morning sickness," she complained.

"That'll be ending tonight, dear. We want you to be safe and protected. We're all looking forward to hyping your kids up on sugar and handing them back." Dawn scowled. He smirked. "One is a son and he will be a little terror." She smiled, ducking her head down some. "You can keep Phil from making him an agent even if he does threaten it. The other two are much calmer."

"Both girls?" Dawn asked.

"No. One's a girl. One I can't tell. It's hiding it." He kissed her on the head again, making her yawn. "Healer's orders, Dawn. Go home, rest, eat." He and Gaia disappeared, him looking at the elder goddess. "Who tried that?" She pointed. He stomped over to yell at her for trying to make Dawn miscarry. He wanted those kids to come into being so he could train a new healer. Her daughter was going to be one hell of a young woman. They might even talk her into doing some time with the maenads.

Dawn yawned again. "Damn it," she muttered.

Pepper smiled, patting her on the shoulder. "It'll be great. Come in tomorrow being the ballsy bitch you are, Dawn."

Dawn nodded, getting up. "I can do that." She looked at her stomach then at Darcy. "It's weird but I don't mind all that much. Even if I did complain a few times. I was probably going to have one last one before I ended up with a cyst on my ovaries." She locked her desk and wandered off. Natasha walked up behind her, helping her out to the car. "Asclepias wanted me to eat and rest. He ended morning sickness too."

"That was wonderful of him because we worry about your weight. You're almost as skinny as you were with Philip." Dawn nodded, yawning again. "I'll drive us home. Keys?"

"Ummm..." She looked at herself. "Probably in my desk?"

"Here, rest with Andrew and I'll get them." She walked off smirking. Someone had made Dawn a bit more needy, that was great for them.

She smiled at Andrew. "It'll be okay."

"A love goddess hated that geeks fell in love with geeks?"

"Yeah. That's why the other two fought so much."

"That sucks," Andrew said, hugging her. "You'll be okay." He looked down. "Those are strong little toes."

Dawn nodded. "Yes they are."

"You know, you haven't confirmed the pregnancy," Andrew said with a smile. "People are speculating a lot."

"I know. I can do that later. I've got beach time this weekend." He laughed but handed her back to Natasha, who had the car keys in hand. "We have beach time this weekend."

"We can do that," she agreed. "That way the reporters leave us alone." She took her to the car, letting Dawn nap on the way home. Clint came out to carry Dawn in to the couch, where the kids could help them fuss over her.

***

Dawn had Darcy with her on the beach that Sunday, smiling at her. "It helps sometimes. We're doing management work anyway."

"I'm always happy for beach time." They stripped off their outer dresses and put down blankets, and a shade umbrella. Dawn had on her usual string bikini but Darcy had went for a more modest one piece suit that had a bit of support built in. They stretched out to go over the various functions coming up so they could figure out what Darcy needed to be doing.

Dawn smiled at a reporter. "Don't even start. This is my assistant Darcy."

"Hi, ma'am. We adore Dawn." She looked at Dawn's stomach, taking pictures of the kicking going on. "Wow. Twins, Dawn?" She held up three fingers. "Oh, dear."

"Oh, yeah. So much peeing," she said dryly. "But fussing too." Clint came over to kiss her stomach and lotion it down with sunscreen. "Thank you, Clint."

"You're welcome." He smirked.

She swatted him. "Jackass. Darcy, this is Brian Gamble, who is Clint's half-brother." She stared at him.

"He wanted you guarded. Sorry." He smirked. "You need sunscreen anyway. Usually you could tell."

"I'm tired," she said.

"Too much celebrating?" he teased with an evil grin.

"No. No celebrating. Lots of belly petting. Lots of sleeping."

"Pity. If I was Clint I'd never let that out of my sight." She swatted him but smirked at the reporter.

"Me too," she admitted. "Pleasure to meet you, Darcy. I'm Gloria and I work with Vogue." They shook hands. "Have a great day doing makework, dears." She walked off calling in that report. She looked back at the male yelp from Dawn swatting Brian but it was fine. Dawn was cute that way.

***

Clint came out of the music store with Philip and the girls. "Stay with me," he ordered. "Don't go taunt the reporters."

"Are you going to yell at your half-brother for lotioning Dawn's stomach for her?" one called.

Clint looked at her. "I heard it from Dawn, guys. She tells us all about those. Not threats, but those things we hear about."

"How do you feel about triplets?" another yelled. "Are you excited?"

"Kinda."

"We need more boys," Philip called with a wave. "I hope at least two are boys to even up with the girls. Chris and I need more boys around." He got into the truck at his father's prompting.

"Are any boys?" a reporter called. "Is he getting his wish?"

"No clue," Clint quipped, getting the girls into their carseats. He closed the door, looking at them. "We know one will be a girl but otherwise no idea and I don't really care one way or another. We'll be spending tons on clothes anyway." He got in, driving the kids off.

***

Natasha came out of the spa with her book, staring at the two very brave reporters and a photographer. "You know I do not make statements to any of you." She walked around them.

"Someone got a picture of Dawn in a bikini. Are you excited about the kids? And how many are there?" the photographer yelled while following her.

Natasha glared at him. "Going to the beach worked better than livejournal. We are most happy that the children will be healthy."

"How many kids?" one of the reporters begged.

"Triplets," Natasha said dryly. "Some Asgardian goddesses decided our three weren't enough." She got into the car and drove off. Unfortunately without hitting any of the reporters with the car. All this was too theatric for her tastes, but Dawn had wanted to do it this way. They would have to find a way to wear such dramatic tendencies out of her. Before the children caught that infection.

***

Dawn was in the grocery store on the way home, picking up fruit for the kids. They had begged for some but Clint was already at home and didn't want to bring all three to the store. She grunted, leaning on the cart while the pain of the kick stopped. She looked down. "No more kicking, guys." She straightened up when she saw someone staring. She shrugged a tiny bit. "One of them really wants to kick a lot. They're real strong."

"We'll enjoy that later," the man said, smiling at her. "Of course, we'll make sure you're healthy before then."

Dawn snorted, shaking her head. "You're not kidnaping me and I'm not a cooperative hostage." She looked around then at him. "They all have phones."

"Pity they won't care if you fall down."

"I'm not going down. You're not my husband." He sneered and moved closer. The guy tried to grab her so she hit him, knocking him back. "Like I said, you're not kidnaping me from this store or at any other time. So back the hell down." She froze the other guy who was trying to sneak up behind her while this one distracted her. She created a boundary so no one else could help him either.

"Miss," a store worker called.

"He's trying to kidnap me because of my kids."

"We called an officer," another person called. "I thought it was just a domestic."

Dawn looked at her. "He's not Clint by any means."

"Oh, you're *her*," she said, staring then wincing. "Oh, dear." She looked around. There were too many casual objects that could cause harm when a high powered weapon or fist hit them. "That means Avengers are coming."

"I don't need that sort of help," Dawn quipped. "I can create a pretty hell without it." She sneered at the guy. "Go the fuck away."

"You will be coming with us. Those children will be properly trained." Dawn hit him again. "That will only get you in trouble." Dawn kicked him and the vial fell out of his pocket. "That won't help you either."

"SHIELD, don't move," a familiar voice said.

Dawn looked back. "Bucky." Not her Bucky but a Bucky. Theirs had a haircut recently and this one was still long haired and wearing shirts to hide his metallic arm.

"Miss Summers."

"This putz wants Avenger babies. Help me get out of here?"

"Gladly." He helped her walk out, guarding her. She got them into her car and called Clint as she drove off. "Did you drive?"

"No, I just appeared here to rescue Steve's buddy."

"Darcy's at the lab. We've protected her."

"Dawn," Clint's voice said from the speaker. "Did you recognize him?" She sent over a mental picture. "Oh, him. Natasha, your former trainer that taught you how to infiltrate is in town," he called. She burst out swearing and stomped off. "Are you coming home?"

"Lab. There's another Bucky here to help Darcy."

"That's fine. We can meet you there. Let me get Beya to watch the kids. I hope she's back."

"Thanks, dear." She hung up and sped up, heading for Malibu. A few SUV's tried to cut her off but she was better than that. She glanced at Bucky. "So, is this your Darcy or are you from a whole other realm?"

"I'm not sure," he admitted. "But I recognized you as Council."

"Yeah, here they went down hard after trying to sell me to the Russian mob and then sacrifice me. Thankfully I work with Stark so I had some protection." She dodged another attempted crashing. "These people are desperate and stupid."

"They are," Bucky said. "Got any weapons? I've only got my pistols."

"Back seat has a lock under the center seat, flip it up and there's a small cache but nothing too huge unfortunately." He unhooked his seatbelt and turned to get into that. She spotted the flashing lights and sent a message to Clint, who called that in. The police officer cut off a few of the SUV's. Bucky slid open the window and sat on the edge of it with the shotgun, firing on two of the SUV's. They crashed and one flipped. He slid back in. "Thanks," Dawn said. She called another number. "It's Dawn. I'm coming in being pursued but I have Bucky Barnes with me. I have four SUV's left on my tail and one state boy."

"Got it, Summers. Use the side gate because of a traffic issue at the main one. Daycare's in the main parking lot. Any idea why?"

"Natasha's former trainer wanted the kids I'm carrying. He was sure I'd give in and let myself be taken from the grocery store without complaint."

The guard snorted. "I doubt that. I've alerted security, use the secondary side gate, that lot's clear and you have a straight shot into the lab building. Do you need medical?"

"I need a temper holder," she admitted. "But he's on his way too."

"We can alert him of where to hit."

"Thank you." She hung up and sped up, changing roads and hitting a back road that was less crowded. "This is going to suck, the gate entry's a hard curve," she muttered, checking her speed. She had to slow down some but the gate was opening as they approached. She scratched her paint but they made it through and the first SUV crashed into the fence as it closed. She got out and ran for the lab, Bucky following. She ran into their Barnes. "He showed up to help Darcy."

"She's in protective custody," Barnes said, nodding at his other self. "It's weird but we've seen weirder around here. Summers, infirmary."

"I didn't get hurt."

"Safe area's up by there," he reminded her.

"I fall back to the lab's so I can handle that area during emergencies. I also have a cache of weapons there," she said. He nodded, letting her head to her spot in the safe room.

"Someone good taught her defensive driving," the second Bucky said.

"Natasha and Happy gave her driving lessons." He walked out to handle the people trying to get in, the other Bucky following. "Stark Security and Avengers, people. Stop it before you get more than arrested." He was required to give fair warning but then his only rule was 'they gotta go'. One tried to shoot them so he shot them back, injuring everyone. The officer responding looked over. Bucky waved a hand. "The other seven people, Officer?"

"Mostly crashed, sir. Are you Stark Security?"

"I am, personal guard for the Stark children."

"All right. The one they were chasing?"

"Dawn? She's in a safe room."

The officer nodded. "The brunette one, right?" Bucky smirked and nodded. "Well, at least she didn't summon something to eat them. Why is this going on?"

"She's pregnant," Bucky said.

"Oh! I heard rumors of special precautions." Clint stomped over, the kids being rushed inside by one of the other guards. "Hawkeye."

"Who the fuck tried to snatch my wife from the grocery store?" he demanded. "I want to talk to them if Natasha hasn't."

"Dispatch said your other spouse ran into someone on purpose then got out to kick them around, Hawkeye. They're incredibly sorry. Dispatch also reported that your wife in the store was holding off all right but made some vial of medicine fall out of his pocket. It was picked up by responding officers. Can we come in to do a report?"

"No," Stark called from the doorway. "We're on lockdown because someone tried to gas the lab areas." He came out to look at the officer. "Sorry but you'd have to stay outside by the protocols. Only certain levels of federal agents are allowed in during lockdowns."

"That's reasonable," the officer said, smiling at him. "Is Miss Summers all right, Mr. Stark?"

"Pissed off and swearing while making sure her weapons are working." He looked back then shook his head with a sigh. "We can figure that out too. Hawkeye, she's in the safe room she's assigned to." He nodded, jogging inside to check on her. Tony scanned the area. "Barnes?" They both looked over. "A few of those bad guys are moving toward weapons." He got him and the officer out of the way into the guard shack while the security teams handled it. "I'm many things but not bulletproof in this outfit," he quipped.

Steve stomped out with his shield and stomped on them with both Buckys until the guys gave up. "I don't think you're going to get Dawn this time either. Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean she's helpless. It means she's evil. We don't need more evil around the kids."

"Too late," Calia called, rolling out. She looked at the thing in her lap, then handed it to Chris, who installed it into his thing. They fired it together at the bad guys, making Steve jump out of the way. "Sorry, Stepmom." They fired it again and the other bad guys all moaned in pain as their insides started to liquify. "Hey, it does work." She high-fived her brother. "I told Rodney it'd work."

"Uncle Radek said it'd be too strong but we need to work on the targeting stuff," Chris said, looking it over. "Sissy, your lasers?"

"Oh, yeah." She clapped. "Lasers on, JARVIS. Please hurt those people who want my future cousins. Chris will be heartbroken if there's not at least one other boy in the family." Lasers came up.

Tony looked then glared. "You added more?" he demanded.

She smiled and waved. "Liz demanded because she was scared of bad guys, Dad." She rolled off, Chris escaping with her.

"Grounded, you two," Steve yelled. "Go to the safe room like you're supposed to!"

"Yes, Stepmom," Chris called. "We'll be hiding from you for a few hours." He looked at his sister. "We need snacks in case that hiding's going to be all night."

"We have some in our labs. In our safe rooms." They ran for her lab's safe room. It was better stocked and had her game system right now. Chris had broken his again by trying to upgrade it.

Steve looked at the lasers then at Stark. "We really have to talk to those two, Tony."

"I tried," he said dryly. "I really have."

"I remember. Still."

Liz leaned out then threw something. "I'm going to have to turn into Auntie Dawn if bad guys keep going and that'll make me mean! My siblings will run even more from me! Don't make me turn into an evil overlord!"

"You'd do so great at it," Jonathan said, picking her up to cuddle. "You'd be even better at it than my group did." He walked her off. "We can mentor you into the evil genius school and everything, Liz. You'll be a great evil overlord." She beamed and nodded. "Can you help with Caro and Etta? They're panicking too."

"Of course. They're my playmates," she said, kissing him on the cheek. He let her go into their lab to do that while he and Andrew made anti-kidnaping plans.

Stark sighed, looking down and shaking his head. "Damn it. We're going to have to take the evil out of her."

Steve walked over. "We can start taking her to mass."

"No you can't," Stark said. "That won't make her any less evil. Besides, she went with you and hated it." Stark pulled Steve and the officer out of the guard shack and out of the way of the speeding SUV trying to break the gate.

Darcy came out with a rifle and fired on the SUV, letting the lightening hit it and blow it up. "I need this more than my taser," she said, looking it over. She smiled. "Bucky. You're not mine. Mine's still in hobo land with memory shock."

"It figures they sent me to the wrong Darcy in danger."

She smiled. "I do it better than most," she quipped. One person was trying to get out of the fire. "Have him?"

Bucky kicked the guy, letting him fall back into the fiery wreck. "You don't get to walk off."

Dawn came out, taking Darcy's gun and handing her a better one. "That's a better lightening gun." She looked at the wreck then at the staring people. "Had enough, people." They backed away, one shaking his head. She smiled. "Yeah." She looked and then focused some magic. The head shaking one screamed and dove under a car to get away from her. "Did you think I was going to let myself be kidnaped? I'm not seventeen. I'm not vulnerable and I'm sure as hell not cooperative. Just ask the spouses."

"Dawn," Bucky, their version, said calmly. "Put on the safety?" She glared at him. "Just in case?" She glared harder, shifting her stance. "There's kids in the building."

"I'd never hurt the kids," she said, starting to sniffle. "You know that!" She hit him and walked off pouting.

"Mood swings," Bucky told his other self. "Lots and lots of mood swings. Though I did find some of the meditative forms that I learned from her lamaze class helpful when I'm dealing with mouthy kids." He looked in the doorway. "Don't even try, Maeve." Someone ran out to grab her and carry her off. "Thanks. We need to go over responses later." He looked at Stark. Then Dawn came out with a sword, attacking something no one else could see. That demon screamed and tried to flee but Darcy shot it.

"Wow, much more powerful. Stark, can I take this one home?" she called. "It'll be my taser's boyfriend."

"Ask Chris, he tinkered that into working with Bruce," he called.

"Yup, pretty girls need protected," Chris said over the PA system. "She can bum that one. I have four others."

"Don't tell him that," Calia complained. "He'll want us to find them and put them somewhere they can be looked over by Stepmom."

"Oops. Oh, Daddy, there's a huge problem in the main parking lot but I think Philip's there." Tony took off running for it. Huge problem and Philip usually meant a demon.

Phil Coulson appeared behind his namesake, killing the demon. "Go. Inside," he said with a point.

Philip pouted. "I'm protecting Mommy!" he shouted.

"That's my job. You're too young to do that. Just like Calia was. Go protect your sisters. Before someone wants them too." Philip pouted but stomped inside. "Thank you."

"I have gray hairs, son," Clint said firmly. "That's *my* job until you're eighteen! For now, protect your sisters and we'll have a guy talk in a few hours." Philip made whining noises but Clint pointed. Philip trudged in there to cuddle his sisters. Clint looked at Coulson.

"John does the same thing," Coulson said dryly. "Especially about his siblings or his mothers."

"I remember. Want to help me talk to him about guy stuff?"

"I'd be most pleased to help, Clint. He's a lot like his mother."

"Yup. Liz just vowed to become an evil overlord. The boys are going to mentor her."

"She doesn't need the mentoring, she's already slightly evil and enjoying it." Clint grinned. "Okay, let's fall back to inside to figure out what's going on."

Natasha stomped over after parking. "My former trainer is most sorry he had an idea that they could have our daughters to train while restarting the old programs." Clint grinned, kissing her on the forehead. "Not during emergencies, Barton," she complained.

He grinned. "Philip stomped out to protect the mommy."

"Excuse me?" she demanded. "The son and I are going to have a discussion." She went to find him to have that talk. Then with the other children that had tried to help. Stark would stop her by knocking her out a few minutes after she started to yell at them.

Clint looked at Phil. "So, triplets," he said dryly.

"I'll find that GPS chip for you, Clint." Clint grinned and nodded, going to talk to his wife then his kids. Phil heard Clint swearing in the hallway and winced. Phil went to find that other Bucky, finding him talking to Darcy. "You're about four realms to the right of hers," he said after looking him over. "We can fix that when we fix hers." He looked at her. "Miss Lewis."

She sniffled. "You sound just like my Agent i-Pod thief but he's still supposedly dead."

"I've seen that happen in a few realms. Let us help him get the other you out of trouble then we'll work on getting you home."

"I can wait. Dawn really does need the help."

"Yes she does. Including help with her temper," he said dryly. "She's venting."

"I would've vented as I kicked someone," she said dryly. "Even if I couldn't kick an ass as much as she used to." She walked off. "Let me go clean my taser's boyfriend. They'll make such a *cute* couple."

That second Bucky shook his head. "I can see mine doing that too." He looked at himself. "You're security for the kids?"

"I have two miniature geniuses, who both tinker with weapons and ideas that are very adult, Liz, who is gently going over toward evil, and then the baby, who is active, fussy, and Steve's daughter without his sense, what little he has left of it."

"Understood," that second Bucky said, nodding. "They need it."

"Yes they do," Phil agreed. He smiled. "He also watches over Dawn's kids, who get kidnaped a lot with their mother, and a few of the favored geek's kids because they're the same sort of trouble magnet. They learned from Calia. Every single one of them."

Bucky nodded. "Yes they did." He sighed, going inside. "Let me see if we can find the mouthy ones."

"Liz is in lab seven with their kids. The older two are in Calia's safe room, but locked in. Maeve is with her cohorts helping sort Mommy's closet while she tries to defend her clothes."

"Great." They walked off together.

"Maybe I can get time traveling Xander to step in to help him," Phil said, sending him a text message. He could show up that night since that Bucky came from his future realm. Stark walked over. "The second Bucky can go home tonight. Time traveling Xander is going to show up to help him."

"Time traveling?"

Phil smiled. "From the convention, Stark. We'll work on getting Darcy home later." He looked at the mess then at the genius. "The kids are hiding or helping someone adult."

"My eldest two?"

"Her safe room in her lab playing video games and going over ideas."

"Great. We have to have a talk."

"She's got it locked down so hard even JARVIS can't get in there."

"Even better. I can wait. It'll make the talk more epic. Steve has patience. So does Pepper."

"The trio of terror are in her closet with her."

"Never mind, she'll be out of patience before a martini later." He walked off. "Have fun with the cretins."

"A lot probably." He went to help arrest them with the SHIELD agents showing up. They got a copy of the security footage and had already gotten one from the grocery store. "We'll be going over response protocols tomorrow," Coulson said. "I can only pray this is the only event of this nature." The other agents nodded.

One of the agents looked up at him. "She's pregnant, right? We only see this level of problem with a new Barton pregnancy or his brother's clone trying something."

"With triplets," Phil said, smiling at him. "Some goddesses decided Clint needed more kids as a true warrior."

"That poor guy," that agent muttered, crossing himself. "Six kids and one likes kilts."

"Liz actually started that by giving Chris dresses," Phil said with a small smirk. "She insisted he needed to be pretty with her." He walked off to talk to the officers. "Thank you for assisting."

"Not a problem, sir. Which agent are you?"

"Senior Agent Coulson." He smiled. "I'm the Avengers liaison agent."

"I don't envy you that job, sir," the officer said. "We have to do a report. Thankfully Miss Summers was good enough to minimize the damage those chasing cars were causing."

"I'm just happy they gave her defensive driving lessons with the regular ones." They went over the report and he helped fill out the paperwork. There was a lot of it with this sort of thing. Brian walked past him scowling. "She's by the labs. Clint's yelling at Philip."

"Thanks." He waved and stomped inside.

Phil smirked a tiny bit. "Barton's half brother."

"That's cute. They look alike." They finally got the whole mess cleaned up, all the fires put out, and everyone who needed it arrested. The officers went to log out for the day and get a drink. They needed it.

***

Darcy looked up as a small wardrobe faded into view. "Huh. I thought that was a show with a phone box."

Clint Barton leaned out, shaking his head. "I did too until I met Xander." He looked around. "Barnes!" he bellowed. "I'd go wandering but it might confuse people and I have Mira with me."

"The baby?"

"The dragon."

"You guys have dragons?" she demanded, hopping up to look over his shoulder. The dragon napping in there got a coo. "It's adorable!"

"She's mouthy, likes coffee, and is opinionated," Clint said dryly. Tony Stark stomped into view. "I'm here to pick up our Bucky."

"Why are you standing in a wardrobe?" he asked, sounding defeated.

"Don't ask me. Xander's the one that built this TARDIS. He's also the reason it has purple sparkles. I inherited the cloned version of it when he nearly died. Plus a dragon." He looked back. "Want to be petted by a Stark?"

The dragon got up with a stretch, mumbling as she wandered over to look at them. "Aww, you can fly," Darcy said, picking her up. "Let me know if I'm holding you wrong, pretty one."

Tony looked at it. "You're definitely not the type that we heard appeared on one Xander's realm thanks to magic." He petted it. "She's soft."

"She is, and she takes conditioning," Clint said, leaning in the doorway. He looked down then back there. "I know he planted you, Morticia." He went to look and sighed as he came back. "We have baby Addams."

Tony squeezed his eyes shut. "I heard about your Xander."

"I really like the guy but damn," Clint said dryly, smirking at him. "He had to stop his original realm from completely dying by passing into mine. That's how I got the copied version of his TARDIS. It's a bit weird but my Stark never even looks in it after taking it for a spin accidentally. I have no idea why but Xander kept smirking at him." He looked at the dragon, who roared and petted Darcy. "I know, you like ours. Thankfully we rescued her earlier and found the guy who sent Bucky after her." Both Buckys showed up, one shaking his head. "The only way to get you home easily, Barnes."

"Do I want to know?" their Bucky asked.

"No," the other one assured him. "Not at all. Why are there tentacles?"

"Baby Morticias. We have seven of them in the garden area." Bucky groaned, plucking the dragon from Darcy to carry inside. She would protect him from the tentacles.

"You can give him headaches with our Xander's chaos kid outburst a decade back," Stark quipped with an evil smirk.

"I heard," Clint said, smirking back. "A lot." He waved and headed inside, closing the door. The wardrobe slowly faded out.

Darcy looked at Stark. "So ours is the normal Xander?"

"Apparently," Tony agreed. "Have a good night, Darcy." He wandered off rubbing his forehead.

Darcy went back to her guest suite and curled up to giggle about all that. It was so cute! And so was the dragon.

***

A few days after the emergency was done with, Darcy was watching tv and decided the kids needed to have some exposure to odd things. So she made a grocery order through the most awesome AI helper ever, and he just sent an emoji back because she had said that out loud. The next day she was cooking in the smaller kitchen that the suite had, putting things into serving dishes so she could bring it to the kids. She called them together in their suite, that way they had comfy sitting areas with a table to eat at. She rolled the cart in, smiling at them. "I decided I'm going to expose you guys to weird foods."

"How weird can food get beyond sushi?" Liz asked, eyes wide. "We like sushi."

"Sushi's great," Darcy agreed, smiling at her. "I have some of that too." She got them water and put glasses down then small plates in the center. She put the first dish on the table. "Let's start off with some simpler things. Anyone allergic to seafood?" The four kids all shook their heads. "Cool. Let's try crab cakes then." She put them on the plates, cutting them in half. "Crab cakes come from Maryland, by the DC area. You can get ones in the southern waters or up in Maine, but usually they'd use lobster and I did that with pastry things later on."

Calia bit into one carefully then smiled. "That's neat. You can taste the fish but it's crunchy and has some creamy things too. Huh." She looked at Maeve. "It's a good thing, Maeve, eat it." She dug in and smiled at Darcy, stealing her brother's remaining piece.

"It's kinda spicy for me," Chris said with a shrug.

"That's cool," Darcy promised, smiling at him. "Everyone likes things differently. We'll try some other stuff too." She dished up the next one. "This is cole slaw made with other veggies instead of cabbage."

"Stepmom likes that stuff," Liz said, taking a bite. She stared at it, looking confused. "What's that?"

"That's daikon and radishes," Darcy said, pointing at them. "I included purple carrots so you had something familiar but it was pretty, and that's a different type of cabbage."

Chris hummed and ate it. "That's not that bad. Can we have the recipes for Mom and Dad?"

"Sure," Darcy promised, smiling at him. She dished up the next one once the other two had eaten some and not spit it back out. "Let's try oysters." She put some in front of each of them. "These are fried and I have some raw too, because you can eat them that way." She added those to their plates. "See the difference between them. Raw ones you can sometimes put hot sauce and things on, but these are just plain. In restaurants they're called oyster shooters."

Chris stared at it. "How do you eat that? It looks slimy."

"You slurp," Darcy said, taking Maeve's to show him. Maeve clapped for that show.

Chris and Calia slurped it while Liz watched, then she tried it when they didn't make faces. "Eww, snotty," Liz complained.

"Try the fried one, they're not," Calia said. Liz ate it and nodded. "Better?"

"Yeah, I like this one."

"That's cool. It goes well with the next one, which is calamari."

"Dad likes that," Chris said, smiling at her. She let them all have pieces to chew. Maeve made happy noises and banged around a bit. Chris looked at her. "Chew, Maeve." She stuck her tongue out and swallowed.

Darcy grinned. "Let's try something more her style. I have polenta in soft and bar form." She gave them each a tiny bit. "Polenta is a traditional grain thingy. It's like grits in the south but this is Italian."

Chris stared at it. "It looks like that hot cereal stuff Stepmom likes."

"It's a lot like that," Darcy agreed, smiling at him. "But if you cool it as a bar, then it takes on a better texture."

Chris nodded and tried a bite of each, eating the one bar fully. "Cheese."

Darcy smiled. "Usually the recipe calls for it." Calia smiled. "It's a fast thing you can do easily once you're using the kitchen for yourself." She dished up something else. "These are crawdads. Louisiana food." They let her show them how to eat it, and Maeve cackled as she sucked out the food.

"That's so weird and you suck the brains out too," Calia said. "Good, but hot and weird."

Chris belched, nodding. "Spicy. I think I like blander things."

Darcy put a few slices of fried things in front of them. "Those are fried pickles, a southern thing, and Rocky Mountain oysters," she said. "The pickles shouldn't be spicy, Chris."

"What're those type of oysters?" Calia asked, looking confused. "Like lake ones?"

Darcy smiled. "Eat it and I'll tell you."

They ate a bite and Chris stared at it. "It's weirdly chewy but nicely seasoned. Could use more pepper."

"You should always season balls, because well seasoned balls are always better," Darcy agreed. Calia choked, shaking her head. "Those are actually beef, like bulls, balls. They're native food and a lot of ranchers eat them as delicacies."

Chris looked at his lap then at those then at her. "Really?" Darcy nodded. "They don't eat boy human ones, right?"

"No, sweetie, just cow and sometimes goat ones in some areas."

"Oh. Good." He nodded. He pushed the plate away. "I'm having bad mental thoughts."

"Sorry, dear." She gave him a clean plate. Liz took them to eat for him. She liked them and took the rest of the plate from Darcy to nibble on. "We have others, Liz." She put out the next few things. Chris and Calia were staring at it then at her. "No more balls, I promise. Those are vegetarian meatballs."

The kids ate them and went on with the tasting things. They had tried a whole bunch of things they had only heard about on tv. Now they knew what not to eat at restaurants. Chris went to warn Philip about some of those things but Darcy was teaching him about food too. "Don't eat the balls," he called. "Really." He went to hug his father, who smiled at him. "Dad, Darcy introduced us to some really weird things. I figured out I don't like spicy things." He climbed into his lap.

Tony hugged him. "That was nice of her, did you thank her for it?"

"Yup, even though she made us try balls."

"Balls of...."

"Cow, like beef cow," he said, looking up at him.

"JARVIS?" Tony called. He ran the film for him. "So that's what those are. No wonder Rhodey told me not to order those."

"They were weirdly chewy like the liver was but then she told us what it was," Chris said with a grimace. "It's not something I want to think about."

"Me either," Tony said, smiling at Darcy's joke about well seasoned balls. He hugged Chris, kissing him on the head. "At least you know so you have tried it. So Pepper can't complain about that."

"Does Mom eat balls?"

"Um...I don't know. You'd have to ask her."

"I can do that." He looked up. "We don't have to eat balls again, right? Not even as adults?"

"Probably not," he said. "I'd hope no one forces you to eat balls, son."

"Okay. Thanks, Dad." He got down and went to hug his auntie since she was being good at her desk. "Do you eat balls?"

She looked at him. "What?"

"Do you eat balls?" Chris asked again.

"Um...why are you asking?"

"Darcy had us try weird things so we'd know if we like them." Pepper came out to the doorway so he hugged her. "Do you eat balls, Mom?"

"Not usually," she said. "What did you eat?"

"JARVIS?" Dawn called. The film was played for them. Dawn nodded at one thing. "No, I've never tried them," she told her nephew. "But I know Clint's eaten them a few times. Natasha and Bucky probably have too."

"Huh." He looked up at his mom, who picked him up to cuddle. "I'd never eat organ meat, sweetie. I don't like it."

"It was like liver but then she told us what it was," Chris said, making a face. "It was okay until I knew what that was. And what octopus was."

"That's sweet of her to show you those things," Dawn said, smiling at him.

"She's showing Philip but I warned him about the balls," Chris said. "Because boys shouldn't probably eat balls like that." He snuggled into his mom's shoulder. "Can you make pizza tonight, Mom?"

"I can do that, sweetheart." She carried him back to go over some paperwork while not laughing about his pout.

Darcy got up to go laugh in the bathroom. She had to pee anyway but that was so cute of Darcy! She went to find her son and her assistant, finding them trying different foods with Mommy Natasha helping.

Darcy smiled at her. "Is Chris still horrified by Rocky Mountain oysters?"

"Yup. He's sure boys shouldn't eat balls that way."

Natasha stifled a smile. "I can agree with that sentiment. There's better ways of cooking them than deep frying. I've had some wonderful tartare made with it."

"I thought that'd be too adventurous for the kids," Darcy said.

"Probably," Dawn agreed, trying some things she hadn't had before. "Huh, I didn't know that was spicy."

Natasha looked at her. "That must be a food craving."

Dawn stared back, then smiled. "The only craving I'm having is for cherries, dear."

"We'll see if we can find some on the way home." She fed her son another bite of something. "That's vegetables." He ate because she was still his favorite mommy, though Darcy was really cool.

***

Darcy looked at her mail that Friday, frowning at it. "Dawn, what's this letter?" she asked, holding it up.

Dawn looked then grinned. "Payday, Darcy."

"But..."

"You're doing the work, you need to get paid for it. Don't you get paid at home?"

"How is that going to work? Xander said I could probably only take a bag back with me."

"That depends on how we get you home," Dawn quipped, smiling at her. "I interceded with the goblin bank that works on a few realms to see if they can do the account for you, then they'd only have to switch it. We figured money might not be the same over there."

"They're a bit different," Darcy agreed, looking at it. She whistled. "I make a ton."

Dawn got up to come look over her shoulder. "That's standard admin secretarial paychecks, but it goes up by ten grand for each degree and five grand each five years you're with Stark, plus yearly cost of living raises the boss is generous enough to give us." She went back to her desk, digging out her statement. "And of course, mine is still wrong." She sighed, taking it in to Pepper. "Still wrong."

"I thought they fixed that."

"It was the same lady who put me on maternity leave against my will, Pep."

"Oh, her." She looked at it, frowning. "Why are you making less than minimum wage? Ten grand isn't minimum wage for a year."

"I don't know." She went back to her desk. "Do I need to fill out the complaint form?"

"We have a complaint form for that?" Pepper asked. Dawn brought in a copy. "I didn't authorize this form. It was never here before." She looked up. "Probably the same source. Let me look at it, Dawn." Dawn nodded, going back to her desk. "Is it an immediate need?"

"You know I keep a good savings account, Pepper." She grinned in there. "You have a meeting in twenty minutes with Grace over this year's donations."

"I forgot about that. Where's my list?" Darcy brought it in for her. "That's charming. I added two?" she asked after counting. "Dawn, I added two charities?"

"You said publically you were going to donate to them when you went to their events and when I asked you said you were keeping the old list." She leaned in. "Do we need to amend it?"

"No. That's... I remember going to their events, and yeah, I probably did say that." She shrugged. "Never can get too many donations going." Darcy smiled. "Is your paycheck okay?"

"I make way more than I ever expected to with a poly sci degree I need to finish two classes for."

Pepper smiled. "If they'd count I'd suggest doing it while you're here. Any degree is a good thing. Political science is a bit mutable to various fields. Or you could run for office."

Darcy shook her head. "Not unless I have to. Please don't do that to me." She went back to her desk.

Pepper smiled, looking up Dawn's contract in the system and her last year's paychecks. Someone had changed it about five months ago, when Dawn had started to complain and nag people. There were a few correction checks put out. Then the last two months it was very wrong. It noted a complaint about it but nothing got done. There was also noted an inquiry by Tony that went nowhere too. Charming! She called down there to talk to the head of HR, who said that she was only going on what was in the system. Pepper fixed all that and reloaded it, then told her that. She whined but oh well. She had to put out correction checks. Pepper went down to get them so she could look them over. "Remind me I have to hire the new head of HR," she said as she walked past Dawn's desk.

"I've got the position announcement written up," she said, holding it up. "Including that it would take auditing skills sometimes. "Will the one down there want it?"

"No clue," Pepper said, reading it over. "Why that word?"

"It's the technical term," Dawn said without having to look. "That's an updated one from the last position announcement." She held up another one. "Free written."

Pepper looked it over, nodding. "That's good. I like that one better." She went into the office to fix those checks and sign off on them then let Darcy deliver them around the labs.

Darcy walked into one of the farther labs, smiling at them. "Delivery of correction checks for a few of you." She handed them to the named people then paused to make coffee.

"Is Dawn grounded?" one of them pouted.

Darcy smiled. "It wears her out to waddle out here without a break from the closer labs. I'll have her do out here tomorrow while I do the other buildings." That one smiled and nodded. "Need anything else going toward the main building, guys?" One handed over a form. She read it and nodded. "Okay, I'll file this with Dawn when I get back." She walked off, taking the rest of the checks with her, that form tucked into her pants pocket.

***

Darcy got grabbed and swung on whoever had grabbed her arm, making the guy back up with his hands up. "Sorry. I'm a bit paranoid."

"Being around Dawn can do that," Clint said with a grin. "She's kinda paranoid now and then too. We think we can get you home. You ready?"

She shook her head. "I need to pack. Do I have twenty minutes?"

"Yeah. We can set it whenever." She smiled and jogged off to pack her things. Including her new cast iron frying pan and her taser's boyfriend, the lightening gun. She came back with the bag and her rifle over her shoulder. "Okay, that's fine." Clint led her to the labs, where Stark had the machine that had once summoned different Keys from other realities. "Stark, will that cause a problem?"

"Shouldn't. It's shielded." He checked the gun and taser to make sure, nodding at it. "That's pretty."

"Thor brought it back for me." She tucked it back into her hip holster. Dawn had gotten the holster for her so it wasn't in her pocket. "So I can get home?"

"You can get home," he promised. "We'll miss having you helping us make Dawn sit and do sedate things but it'll be okay." Clint patted her on the back. Stark started the machine, letting it calibrate to her personal readings. Then it opened a portal. "There, try that? Step through and call someone," he said when she looked at him oddly.

"Okay. Tell Dawn I'll miss fussing with her, Clint." He nodded, letting her cross over. Of course, someone tried to mug her so she hit them with the bag that had the frying pan. She called. "It's ringing, and it's being answered. I think I'm home. Um..." She looked around. "Across from the deli you like so much."

"Our Steve likes it too," Stark said with a shrug. "Make sure it's your Steve."

"It's Bucky but I need to make sure I'm home, Bucky." He listed a few things she had done before she had been snatched. "Yeah, I'm home," she said. "Thanks, Stark!" She waved. "Tell Dawn I'll miss her!" The portal closed as the guys waved. "Yup, I'm there. I can do that. No, Stark had a machine. Thanks, Bucky." She hung up and went to get a cup of coffee from the deli. It was a bit chilly in New York right now but she was dressed for LA weather. The counter worker gave her an odd look. "I'm waiting on my ride," she said with a smile. She paid and got a large coffee with sugar, sitting down to stare outside. Sure enough, a Stark International SUV showed up and she took her coffee with her bag and rifle with her. "Hi," she said, smiling at them.

"Miss Lewis," one said. "Please get in. Is that a weapon?"

"It's my taser's boyfriend." She smiled. "It's so cool." She got into the back with her coffee and her two bags, her rifle in her lap. They drove her back to the tower, letting the heater run in the back. She got out in the garage and went up to the common area, smiling at the guys who were staring at the elevator. "I'm home! I'm going to miss Dawn and the kids but I'm back."

"I can tell," Stark said. "Is that a rifle?"

"It's my taser's boyfriend." She smiled, petting it some. "Chris made it for me."

"Who's Chris?" Clint asked.

"Stark's son." Tony was choking and shaking his head frantically. Steve helped by pounding him on the back. "He was so sweet." She put her bags and the rifle down. "Did you miss me?"

"Yup, a lot," Jane said, blinking at her. "What are you wearing?"

Darcy looked at herself then at Jane. "Clothes. I had to get some. Pepper was nice enough to let me be Dawn's assistant. She does the same sort of fussing job but she does it for the whole lab and the rest of the company plus is Pepper's perky assistant, who presently has to waddle. Though it was nice the Asgardian goddess showed up to tell her they hadn't planned those kids to be warrior kids for her warrior husband, but for her warrior wife." She shrugged but sipped her coffee.

"I have kids?" Stark demanded finally in a wheeze.

"You have a few kids. There's Calia, who some government agency made come into being with Dawn's older sister. Then Pepper went to the genius sperm bank or something to give her Liz, then she got maternal squishiness so she had Chris and then later on Maeve thanks to a halloween party."

Stark blinked at her. "I have kids?" he demanded again. She nodded, pulling out her phone to show off pictures. "Wow, that's a lot of kids."

"Those two are Andrew and Jonathan's kids," she said patiently. "Those two were lab geeks you took in because they wanted to be evil overlords but they were doted on and like your eldest's favorite big brothers and mentors. They were considering how to change their girl fetching robot into something more useful yesterday." He stared at her, his mouth open. She changed pictures. "These are Dawn's kids with her spouses. That's little Phil, Mira, and Lexi. Mira and Lexi came to be from the same halloween party and some growling from what Dawn said. Apparently a lot of growling. Philip's so cute," she cooed. "He and Chris are besties and they hang out together to talk about clothes and dresses and makeup and robots and weapons and video games then they get into music stuff."

Stark licked his lips, taking the phone to look at the picture, then held it up. "I think they're your spawn, Hotass."

"Yep, they were," Darcy quipped with a grin for Clint. "That Clint's a bit more of a worry wart but he has to worry about the idiots who want avengers babies to raise."

Clint took the phone to look at, then at Darcy. "Where did the girls come from?"

"One of each," she said with a grin. "They're very opinionated little toddler girls who insist on certain colors, no flowers or lace for Mira, and they have to look tough like the mommies."

Clint nodded, glancing at Natasha, who took the phone to look at. "I have no way of mimicking that here," Natasha said. "Though it is nice she's fine."

"There might have been some godly healing," Darcy said. "No one told me for sure. All I heard about it was a lot of growling after a Stark halloween party where they went as fantasy women. Pepper went as Aphrodite and Dawn and you there went as warrior women in fantasy costumes."

Natasha handed back the phone after looking at the other photos. "That would probably bring on growling, yes."

Clint cleared his throat but nodded quickly. "Yup, probably. That's the only kids, right?"

"Some Asgardian goddesses decided Dawn should have more kids before she got ovarian cancer. So you're trying to keep her from doing anything too strenuous with the triplets." Clint groaned, shaking his head quickly.

"Which goddesses?" Jane asked.

"Two of the older lady, part of Freya's handmaidens, contingent and a few others," Darcy said. "One was another Vanir though."

Thor blinked then sighed but nodded. "It would probably lead to protectors for them?"

Darcy nodded. "Yup. A lot." She sat on the edge of the chair she was in front of. "Anyway, we had a lot of fun. I got to help Dawn fuss over all the geeks, because half of them didn't eat. We got to make brownies a few times because Dawn wanted to bake. We announced her pregnancy to the press by going to the beach. They got a few really nice pictures of the kids kicking. Philip and Chris were still demanding at least one more boy in the group. They were lonely against all the girls." Jane smiled, leaning on Thor's arm. "Chris made my taser's boyfriend but he was pouty that his sister made better lasers than he did."

Stark took the gun to look at and fire at a wall, blinking at it. "Damn."

Darcy took it back to cuddle. "My taser loves him. It helped when someone's former trainers showed up to try to capture Dawn so they could have her kids. They were really stupid." Stark winced, nodding. She grinned at Jane. "I know how to help you whenever you two get down to babies. Dawn's labor class midwife was really cool and I went to a few classes with her because Clint was yelling at his kids for being little heathens. Apparently Chris had shown the girls what makeup was and they had helped them tart up a bit. Looked like that lady on the comedian's show about that office place. That same comedian that did the Price is Right show."

Jane blinked. "Why did he yell at them for that? They're kids."

"Philip gave them some everlasting makeup one of the chemists was working on. So not only did he steal from a lab but it wouldn't come off for days."

She nodded. "That makes more sense."

"Why was my son doing makeup?" Stark asked.

"Because his sister Liz told him he needed to be pretty," Darcy quipped, smirking at him. "She got him a few pretty dresses while shopping with Mommy and he learned really well. Especially since Loki or someone got them a transvestite's magazine to show them how to do it better."

"They associate?" Clint demanded, standing up.

"Um, yeah. There, the one that invaded was from another realm. That Loki there was mated to Ares, God of War and ass hugging leather pants, and Xander's dad. Xander was mated to Agent Coulson, and Thor's nephew. He's the guy who protects humanity so he cursed Loki to work for the light until he let him go of it. Dawn cursed him to be the godparent to your kids so someone was looking out for their sneaky moments."

Clint winced. "Damn."

"He wasn't too bad. He and Ares were working on ideas but Xander had fun stopping them. He vowed if they gave him more work to do, he'd turn them both into pageant girls this time and make them fully grow up into old women before they got their godhoods back." She grinned. "I'm pretty sure they believed him."

"That's a horrible punishment," Jane agreed. "Those kids are creepy."

"Yes they are." Darcy grinned. "Xander got them together from what Phil told me. He was ranting about his husband's ideas on how to train some of the baby agents he trained for SHIELD and everyone else. They're true mates and do elemental form screwing but he said that Xander's mind was now warped and he didn't have time to fix it." She looked at Bruce. "You're not doing anything with radiation right now, right? You nearly blew up the lab building and got screamed at by your stepdaughter because the kids were in the next building plus you had Chris helping you. It was an accident but it was nearly bad. I learned a lot about emergency protocols." She looked at Stark. "We have some, right?"

"Not enough of one. What was he doing?" Bruce was glaring at the young woman.

"Something about radiation and wormholes, maybe hellmouths, and it nearly created one by accident. Then Joyce showed up to scowl at him and make him figure out what happened before she had to put in files with SHIELD."

"She's an agent?" Stark asked.

"She and Cappy are co-heading it. Dawn said Fury's a ferret because he had a lot of bad ideas." She grinned. "Coulson's kids with Tara, who is a friend of Xander and Dawn, are watching over him."

"Wow," Stark said, blinking a few times. "Who's Joyce?"

"Dawn's mom. Fury's former personal assistant but the president didn't want SHIELD to fall into ruins from paperwork so he named co-heads."

"That's cool," Steve said. "I have no idea how I'd do that."

Darcy shrugged. "Usually with a lot of heartburn."

"Yup, I probably would," he agreed. "But it was okay? You were okay?"

"I was pretty fine. When the labs nearly got invaded by the people wanting avenger babies I was in my suite and I had a nice safe area to flee to. Dawn made sure I had all the preparation drills that first week. Just in case." She settled into the chair, putting the bags by her feet. "It was pretty cool. Dawn's a professional fussy sort. With language skills. She speaks like nine or something and reads a few others, plus some demon languages. Philip's learning a lot from them because he walked around pouting that his Mommy Natasha was an evil queen in Russian and then pouted at her in Greek about not getting cookies after school."

Natasha smiled. "That's wonderful she was teaching him that."

"He was adorable and Chris gave some of the best hugs. He's kinda the clinging to you sort." She grinned. "Liz likes art but Chris is a little guy. He cut off his cast, twice in one day, and went to hide in the labs when he and his older sister tried to help against the guys trying to get Dawn. Calia put lasers all over the labs out there." Stark moaned, shaking his head. "They're on the gateway and I heard they're in the conference room because she worried about industrial spies."

Stark nodded. "I can see my spawn doing that. Thankfully I can't have any."

"Some government group made her, Stark."

"Which one?" he asked. "So I can stop them?"

"NID or something?"

"Them. Yeah, bad idea," he agreed, smirking some. "Did you get anything else done?"

"A tiny bit of shopping since we went with the kids to get them clothes. Calia needed a new gown and Chris helped her pick it out. She looks hot for being thirteen. Steve was having a lot of 'girls don't dress like that in my day' complaints now and then."

"Wow," Steve said, looking down and shaking his head. Darcy pulled up a photo to show him. He blinked. "She's thirteen?"

"Yeah. She got her aunt's boobs instead of her mom's tiny mouthfuls."

"Why is she in the wheelchair?" Steve asked, handing Stark the phone.

"Some bad guy that used to be against Stark showed up while she was walking her dog and shot her in the back. She's nearly out of the chair but is hoping to get off the walker faster."

Stark looked then handed the phone back after looking at the next few, which were of Calia and her animals. Then one of all the kids with the animals. "We have pets too?"

"She inherited five cats from a breeder, who named them after the family. They got them *real* right." She grinned. "A demon gave her a dog to save and her Uncle Xander gave her the rabbit, named Carrot, who is a huge bunny. It weighs about thirty pounds."

Thor nodded. "Some of our rabbits do get immense," he agreed.

"Carrot's a calm bunny that likes to go with his mommy to the labs to watch her do things while he hops around annoying the cats. The dog just nuzzles Carrot and helps by carrying it into the grass peeing spot sometimes."

"They have their own labs?" Stark asked. He was starting to sound tired.

"Yeah. It meant that Tony got his lab back. They shared a floor underneath Tony's lab. Chris's has an elevator that sometimes gave off smoke as he came down from his room. He thought it was cool."

Stark nodded, walking off nodding until he could hide from that.

Darcy grinned at the rest of them. "It was pretty normal stuff, but a bit hectic now and then. Dawn had a few days off for spraining her back, because her spouses said so, and they kept nagging her about her heels so she'd put on her ballet slippers. We got to help a lot of the geeks around the lab. They pouted if they didn't see Dawn at least once a week. They really appreciated that she reminded them to eat. And they even paid me, Jane." She smiled. "They made sure that a goblin bank could switch my money back here."

"That's nice of them," she agreed. "I do have to find a way to pay you." Darcy just smiled. "Did you do anything besides work?"

"I took Liz to a folk art event. We went to a surfside art show too. I had to keep her from running into the ocean in her pretty dress. We went home, changed, and got all the kids to the private beach to play. They were all happy to be out of the lab once I took tablets from Chris and Calia. They made sure Calia's chair could go into the water safely."

"That's great. Do you have a bathing suit?" Jane asked, looking confused.

"I have had one, Jane, and I bought a new one while there." She grinned. "I got pictures of the updated house that Stark was finally having finished if he wants them."

"He'll probably get them later," Bruce said. "I was working with Stark's kids?"

"Considering most of them called you Grandpa? Yeah. You were Chris's mentor. Calia explained they didn't want the same sort of shadow that Tony had gotten out of from his father so they went to other mentors. She went to Andrew and Jonathan plus Rodney McKay. Chris was just starting to design on his own and was going to you and Radek, who worked with Rodney."

"That's kind of nice." He smiled.

"There was a whole tinkering group of those two, you, Stark, Andrew and Jonathan, Radek and Rodney, plus a math geek out of a local college who was Calia's mentor," Darcy said. "We had to break in to make sure there was food for everyone and you all remembered the uses of it."

"I've had those days," Bruce admitted, shaking his head with a sigh. "I married? She wasn't scared of me?"

"No. Joyce had brain cancer, caused by that same group that made her granddaughter, and apparently she wasn't scared of the Hulk. Dawn told me the Hulk had learned to protect Calia and the other kids, and would actually calm down to protect them. Apparently Calia started by calling you Grr Guy." Bruce winced. "But you cuddled her and protected her. Joyce said you gave great Hulk cuddles when you were that way. They had found out something about animal instincts and you being attacked led to some sort of instinctual response instead but they had worked on it until you had a 'battle rage' stage and another 'I lost it' reason that was more peaceful. There was something about werewolves and Lady Artemis in there while you had a concussion."

"I hadn't thought about that," Bruce admitted. "Huh. I need to think on that topic. It might be possible to have a non-battle Hulk moment that's less destructive."

"Dawn waddled up to you while you were hulked and told you to calm the hell down because you were scaring her kids, then scowled until you pouted and changed," Darcy told him. Bruce gaped, shaking his head. Darcy nodded. "You were also about three years or so older than here. Apparently after battles you settled down to calm him down around others you could trust. Dawn reminded you that you were taking Joyce out to dinner that night once you had changed back."

Bruce closed his mouth then sighed. "I need to see how that happened. It could help a lot," he said quietly. "Let me go meditate on that."

"I got some oils to help with massages because Dawn kept getting leg cramps," Darcy said, digging it out to hand over. "See if those are good? They came from a Wicca centric shop."

He sniffed. "Those are nice. I'll see if I can stand them. Thanks, Darcy."

"Welcome, and let me know if I can help."

"I can do that." He went to his lab to meditate for now. Maybe somehow he and that version of him could talk? If he could get that sort of control it'd make everyone a lot safer.

Darcy looked at Clint. She pulled up a family picture she had copied. They were all in goth clothes with Clint in leather pants. "I got this from Dawn. She was teasing Natasha." She let them have the phone.

Natasha looked at it, smiling. "That is a very good picture." She passed the phone to Clint.

"Why is the boy wearing a kilt?"

"As Philip and Chris put it, it's a pretty skirt for pretty boys," Darcy said with a smile. "You had to talk to him about underwear too."

Clint sighed, nodding. "Any other great news?"

"Dawn had to tell you she spotted your brother's clone again but she hadn't been able to poison him this time."

Clint handed the phone back. "My brother."

"Yeah, not Brian, your half brother who was kind of a dick face, but Barney. She warned me about him and about how he was like the fifth clone they had made of him. He had learned not to screw with your family but that was after Dawn had him glued to a popcorn ceiling while naked." Clint burst out laughing, leaning on Natasha. "And a few other notable incidences. Apparently he's a bad guy but he's more than willing to protect the kids for you because he's really scared of Dawn."

"Yeah, I can see why," he said, smiling at her. "How did he get cloned?"

"He was alive and then went against you so you shoved him out a window in this tower for trying to take your kids in to train with his bad guy group."

Clint blinked. "He was alive?"

"Yeah. Then he died and someone woke up the clone, and that one died and got remade a few more times. He was on his fifth body but he had learned."

Clint blinked, looking at Natasha. "I can search him out," she promised. "He may be alive. You never had confirmation of his death." She looked at Darcy. "We saw Coulson."

"Xander's fussy mate Phil? Yeah. He was pretty cool. Dawn said that they had all sorts of fantastic sex and they were bound, that's why they could go to elemental form to have sexy times."

Thor blinked. "That's a myth."

"Not to them. That's why they're in charge," Darcy said with a shrug. "They're not happy about that, Xander's the protector of humanity and Coulson was the god over heroes."

Thor blinked a few times. "He would make a good one." He hummed. "Interesting. What was Xander to me?"

"Loki's son. I think he's younger than Fenrir but they get along okay. Fenrir's dating a werewolf once Calia and her younger, yet older, twin sisters let him go for protecting them. Apparently their Asgard's time runs faster so they were raised up there but they were younger than Calia originally. They're really pretty and there's a lot of talk about Asgardian air making beautiful babies." She looked at her phone, finding a picture. "That's Sean, her baby brother by her mom. And you can't see the twins in that one." She let them see it. "Sean's a little over a year older than the twins." She looked them up. "There we are, on Atlantis." She held it up. "Artemis took swordswoman lessons and got marked as highest honors."

"They're beautiful," Jane said. She looked at Darcy. "Were they around?"

"Sometimes. You had the lack of immortal life talk," she said quietly. "And made a choice." Jane winced but nodded she understood that. "They were raised on Asgard and there was a lot of problems with Xander's mom trying to force one of them to marry John Sheppard but they worked it out. Diana's going to normal school with Sean. Artemis married on Asgard. She's presently cooing over Thorin, her son. Stark laughed her husband named him after a dwarf. Though Xander and Dawn said they were great beings, who cook like bayou cooking, and they trained Phil in sword work."

"Dwarves are excellent warriors," Thor agreed. "Their training academy is very difficult. I'm sure the Son of Coul did well under their training." He smiled. "Artemis is happy?"

"Very. She took the training so she could protect her family when her warrior spouse was gone."

"That is what many swordswomen train to do," Thor agreed. "Sif appreciates that honesty and desire." He smiled. "I'm sure they're very happy."

"Yup. Oh, and your dad and mom had a *huge* argument. Right before he lost his seat."

"His...seat," Thor said.

"Gaia downgraded him to a major blowhard," Darcy said dryly. "After all the joining and stuff."

"Ah." He nodded. "My mother lived there?"

"No convergence," she said. "I asked. Your father did complain a lot about the twin's and Calia's mom getting loud with Hylal, her warrior stud husband. They both died thanks to goblins and were making Valhalla sing with squeals of joy."

Thor smiled. "Not many women make it there but I'm sure my mother appreciated that happiness." He looked at Jane, kissing her on the forehead. "We have things to figure out but it is not necessary right now." She nodded she understood that. Thor looked at her. "You had pleasure there?"

"It was great fun but I didn't date. I didn't want to addict anyone to me and have to leave them moping." She smiled. "Though I did hit one with my new pan for slapping me on the ass."

"New pan?" Steve asked. Darcy pulled it out with a smile. "That'd hurt."

"Yes it did. Then I lectured because the little enema nozzle needed one to grow up. Thankfully we drove off the few that were trying to get me or the kids while we were shopping for them. Dick chum wanted to make the kids 'real women'," she told Jane. "Calia told him off and pulled a laser on him before I could react. Though I did taze one."

"Good! Men like that need it," Jane agreed. "I'm just glad you're back."

"I noticed you're skinny," Darcy quipped. "Am I making dinner tonight?"

"Would you?" Jane asked with a smile.

"Of course. I'm in the mood for bacon." She stood up. "Let me put things in my room." She carried it down to the room she had off Jane and Thor's suite. Then she came up to deal with dinner.

"Darcy, did you already have those shoes?" Natasha asked.

"No, Dawn got me them." She looked out there with a smile. "Dawn has narrow feet that she can't find regular shoes for. She has to go to stripper shoes to get ones that fit. These are actually pretty comfortable. She was right about that." She put on her apron. "Does anyone not want bacon tonight?"

"Bacon's great," Clint quipped. "The fattiness will take some bad thoughts out of my head."

Darcy came out to look at him. "We saw another Bucky that got sent after his Darcy being in trouble. They got picked up by a you that's a time traveler thanks to their Xander making you his protege," she said quietly, smirking at him. "You even had a tiny little flying dragon that had fur with you." She went back into the kitchen.

Clint looked at Natasha. "I just had a stroke, right?"

"If you did, it was a mass one," Jane complained. "Like phone box?" she called.

"Like wardrobe. Xander made it after being kidnaped so it had purple sparkles inside and it had a garden because he said they had Addams family plants."

Clint slid into his seat, looking at Jane. "I don't want to know so don't ask?"

"Me either," Jane admitted. "That's too much for me."

"There's myths of them," Thor admitted. "But we believe them to only be myths."

"Good. We don't need to know," Jane said, kissing him to make him stop thinking about it.

Clint looked at Natasha. "You'd kill me, right?"

"Definitely if you learned how to time travel with a dragon," she said, smirking at him. "Let me look up your brother for you." She got up and walked off. Clint followed to help. That let Jane and Thor kiss all they wanted until Steve fled them making out.

Steve wasn't sure what they had been talking about but it sounded like something weird he didn't need to know about.

***

Darcy smiled at the goblin that showed up for the meeting. "Good morning, Master Goblin."

"Miss Lewis," he said, smiling and shaking her hand. "Unfortunately we do not have direct access to this realm's money so we'll have to transfer it to someone who can do that for you. They have agreed not to charge you a fee as it was our error."

"That's sweet of you, thank you. How do I claim that?"

"We can do that here." He let her have the paperwork. Darcy looked it over and handed back one with a point. He grimaced as he looked at it. "I'll have that corrected." He sent it back to his supervisor at the bank, who sent it back corrected. "Hmm, they want to charge you that instead of a fee."

Darcy looked at him. "I'm not strong like Dawn but I'm not giving that sliver of my soul for my own money."

"I agree, it's wrong of them to do. We can help with that." She smiled and nodded. "What other plans do you have?"

"I don't need to shop at the moment but I need some groceries. I miss cooking all the time."

Stark leaned in. "What is that?" he demanded.

"This is a master goblin, Tony. Master Goblin, this is Tony Stark, the head of this group."

The goblin nodded. "Charmed. We're making sure her paycheck from where she was sent gets to her." He looked at her. "Did you have a planned meeting?"

"No. I don't have to nag Jane about eating for at least two hours." She smiled. "Tony's kind of everywhere."

"I know that sort. We have a Xander like that. He's a very interesting being though. He does give us much profit." He smiled. "He has a hormone condition."

"Dawn told me about that." She grinned. "I'm glad I don't."

"Me as well. Though I've heard that someone scried or something and found the hyping it shot so it can come here."

"Then I hope I'm immune," she said. She shuddered. "I'd hate being a kidnaped princess sort."

"I can understand that fully. He has many fits on that sort. Including many times of destroying fancy houses he's kept in."

"I would too if I could," Darcy agreed. "Because you can't count on someone saving you."

"Very true."

"Hormone whats?" Tony asked.

Darcy pulled up information from the cross-realm internet she had access to, letting him see it. "High hormone output that creates a lot of issues but someone's created a shot to turn it on."

Tony stared at that. "That's horrifying. It has to screw up a body."

"Probably," the goblin agreed. "Though they mostly have to keep from being backed up so they're not taken as a pet. As that Xander put it, they want him as a lap purr kitty."

Tony nodded, handing the phone back. "How did you look that up?"

"Dawn showed me how to log into the cross-realm internet service."

He blinked. "You're showing me later."

"Okay. Let me handle this." Stark huffed but walked off. "There's some of the special bacons left, go eat something," she called after him. She smiled at the goblin. "I do enjoy my fussing job sometimes."

"I would too if I liked such things." He got a new contract page and nodded as he read it over. "That's much better." He let her see it.

"Can I win a contest against him?"

"We can," he assured her with a smile. "If not, we'll ask that Xander to help. He's bored."

"Thank you." She patted him on the hand. Dawn had told her not to hug them. "You're very good."

"We try to be fair." He took the forms back and sent them to the bank. "All right, we should have it to you by tomorrow, Miss Lewis. Will you be here?"

"Unless I'm kidnaped again I think I will."

"We'll take that into account." He snapped his briefcase shut and nodded then disappeared.

Stark walked in nibbling on some sugar coated bacon, settling down so he could take her phone to look up what she had done. She showed him the program he needed. He got it on his phone and she got him a log in the same way Dawn had gotten hers. That helped and he connected with another of him, who thankfully didn't have kids either when he asked. Though he knew about Xander and Dawn thanks to a realm merging problem.

Darcy went back to the labs to help Jane do her thing. It was a good day for science.

***

That night, Stark called the others together, staring at them. "We need to find a way to unscrew Lewis before she drives us all nuts. She arranged my lab earlier in just the way I wanted things to be without me realizing it."

Clint nodded. "I started to vent about my brother and she asked if I had found out I was a baby daddy," he said dryly.

"Thankfully that is not what we found," Natasha said. "Though I did like the dress she was wearing earlier. She said she got it from Dawn."

"Dawn's apparently a flirty dick tease," Stark told her. "I looked her up on the cross-realm internet and that's how it lists her, a competent, flirty, dick tease personal assistant for Pepper plus a part-time Avenger for magical needs."

"It figured we trained her," Natasha said. "Did we train others?"

"The nanny who watches over the kids is Asgardian, named Beya," Stark said.

Thor nodded. "I know of her. She works in the kitchens in the palace. She is quite the strong willed woman."

"She'd need it for our kids," Stark shot back. "My kids alone must be hell."

"Do we need to worry about the one that hurt your kid?" Clint asked.

"No. He died a few years ago. Thankfully." He looked at the group. "How do we make her go back to normal Lewis behavior?"

"I think she's still mostly the same," Steve said. "Just a bit stronger. Bucky teased her earlier so she swatted him."

"What was Bucky in their realm?" Natasha asked.

"Healed but the head of Stark Security," Tony said. "Especially over the kids. Apparently he could make my spawn listen to him."

Steve smiled. "That's a good thing though. It means he was fully healed."

Stark nodded. "But is he sane?"

"Hanging around the labs? Probably not," Bruce quipped. "If we had anyone who was inclined to having kids, would they have the same problem that Dawn did?"

"The wiki I found listed the kidnaping attempts, both assumed and known sources. It was...pretty horrifying and part of it was SHIELD trying to get a baby to train from the start." He pulled it up to let him see it. "If so, we'll make sure they're protected. Especially if it's a normal like Jane."

"Why would they want her kids so hard?" Steve asked. "I could see mine, or Bruce's, or maybe Natasha's."

"There's no proof that your serum will pass over," Clint said. "Whereas mine are natural skills I trained really hard. Dawn's got magic and other skills she's trained. At the very least they'd probably be excellent agents." Natasha nodded. "If others wanted to start their own superhero team, that might get them partway there."

"One of the kids was taken for a few hours, got injected with a pre-serum shot," Tony told Steve. "Dawn destroyed them all. She went into a mom rage."

Bruce smiled. "That's a good thing."

"She was scary enough that the NSA didn't want to ask her what happened. They just wanted the files," Stark said. Bruce shivered. "They're still waiting to see if she's going to turn out somehow." Stark found a video and ran it. "This was right after her daughter Lexi was born. There was apparently some stress so she was hiding in their tower." He let them see it.

"Damn," Clint said in awe.

Steve hugged himself. "My mother would've been the same sort of mean, but with less swearing, if she could've done that."

"That's my brother," Clint said, squinting at the video. Stark enlarged it and turned up the volume. They could barely hear what she told Barney then she shot him. The film showed Clint shoving his brother out a window and he nodded. "Yup, I'd do that." Natasha patted him on the hand. "Then what happened, Stark?"

"She and the kids took off. Apparently there was a fight or something. It listed a farm in New Zealand that you guys went to finish fighting at."

"Any idea why?" Natasha asked. "I'm hoping for ideas on problems we may run into."

"No. No reason given. Just a probable domestic argument."

"That's reasonable. It was probably stressful," Clint decided.

"How many of those sort did she face?" Natasha asked, taking the phone. She read that biography over, eyebrow going up. She let Clint see something and he groaned. She went back to it, making a list of problems to look into. It wasn't a short one. "It was not nice that we didn't see her handling problems at times. At least a few we have dealt with." Clint scratched out one on her. She smirked a tiny bit, rewriting it. "I know he's alive, he sent me an email offering me a fun night if I wanted to know about an arms dealer he had just met."

"We can fix that later," Clint said.

"Probably, yes." She finished up the list, putting a question mark beside a few groups. "I feel sorry for that me there. I must be pulling out my hair by the handful."

Clint looked at the list then at her. "You? I'd be bald."

Dawn appeared, dropping a bag beside him. "My Clint hardly ever hears," she said with a smirk. "I end up handling things before they realize then they sometimes hear someone saying I'm mean. Should've seen it when an attempted invasion was going to take me as queen so we had to turn him off me." She took Stark's phone, doing something. "That'll let you keep logging in there, Stark." She handed it back with a smirk. "The bag's for my fussing soulmate Darcy. I won't be able to wear any of those ever again probably because I have this feeling I'm going to be a bit more curvy. Philip gave me an ass of doom and Lexi gave me extra specially problematic boobs. So she can have those." She waved a hand then looked up with a frown. "Oh, great, that Doctor Strange asshole who tried to kill me for saving my mom." She threw a spell and the scrying/staring feeling stopped. She looked up. "Try it the fuck again," she offered, hands on her hips. "I can keep doing this all week, mother fucker. You're not worse than a hell god." The magic stopped.

"Dawn," Bruce said. "Before you go, how did I mellow the Hulk out?"

She smiled, kissing him on the forehead. "You found things that made you happy and we all talked to the Hulk at times. You'd start to go and Calia would run up to pounce you and calm you down. Mom got you a few times when you needed to calm down. Her thing is that she'll cuddle you but you're not getting sex like that." She smiled. "You basically found a reason to control it. You needed to so you could protect Calia and her siblings and Mom. Plus Mom makes you really happy," she said with a smile. "She studied werewolves thanks to our old group so she slowly taught you that all things weren't an attack. Sometimes you'd have a problem and Hulk up to protect yourself, she taught you that wasn't an attack and got others to not attack you when it was that sort of thing. Battles are still full on rage but getting hit on the head by the ceiling falling in thanks to an idiot upstairs from your lab isn't a rage thing."

"Huh. Thank you."

"You're welcome. You can use that to email the you in my world. It does work that way too." She kissed him on the head again. "It might also help if you slept. Mom did straighten a lot of that and the eating things out. She balanced your diet with hers and it helped some. The you in my world is probably about fifteen pounds heavier. It helped Mom put on weight after the chemo and radiation therapies." She smiled at Natasha. "I have another bag of stuff my Natasha swears she can't wear any longer if you'd like it." Natasha nodded so Dawn brought it to hand over. "There. Have some beach time, Natasha. You need the less stressful moments. I doubt you need to hide in a bubble bath here from the kids." She winked at Clint and disappeared.

"She's very comforting," Bruce said. "It felt like peaceful, mom kisses."

"I'll help if you want me to," Clint said.

"Thanks. Let me figure out what she meant." He looked at Stark, who was saving that password down to his phone. "Should we tell Lewis?"

"Darcy!" Steve called. She leaned in a minute later with a smile for them. "Dawn showed up with a bag of stuff she said she'd probably never get to wear again."

"That's cool. I fit her style pretty well." She took it to look through. "Oh, cool, a bottomless bag." She walked off looking at the new things.

Natasha looked in hers. "It does appear bottomless." Stark nearly took it. "I have no idea if you could ruin it. Let me empty it first."

"Fine. If it is, I want to see."

"Of course," she said patiently.

"Me too," Bruce said. "That's got to be fascinating science."

"Or magic since she uses it," Clint said.

"I'm hoping we can still explain it with science," Tony complained. "So, can we work on making her more normal again?"

"Give her a few weeks, she should even out," Steve said.

"She probably should," Natasha agreed. "Though I have no idea what sort of clothes those are." She took her bag up to her room, looking inside it again. She turned it over, letting things fall out. Not that many things.

Clint leaned into the bedroom. "Think about it coming out. It has to be thought out. Darcy figured that out."

Natasha nodded, thinking about the bag emptying. Suddenly there were a ton of clothes falling down. "Clearly Dawn shopped for her too," she said. When there were no more she picked up a few things to look at. "Business things so she's probably hiding as Pepper's assistant or something." She put that aside, pulling up a fancy dress that was barely there. "I believe that was more ...marital than not."

Clint grinned. "You'd look so hot in that." She scowled at him. "You would!" He came in to hold up something. "This too."

She took it from him before shoving him out of the room and locking the door. "Men," she muttered. She did try on that dress. She looked wonderful in it. It highlighted her curves by the cutouts and it was impossible for her to hide weapons in it. "Highly impractical for missions." She took it off to try on other things. Apparently that Natasha had a bit deeper of curves but it could be tailored down to fit her. A few things were not her usual style.

Some very slim skirts, nearly gothic looking. A few longer dresses that were pretty but she had no idea why she had to have them in that world. Another few outfits that were clearly marital in nature. A nursing bra for some reason. That made her shudder and it got put back into the bag. The few things she couldn't use she put back into the bag and took it to Stark. "See if Pepper can use those," she said. "Think about it emptying." She went back to her room. She found a note in one pocket, staring at the simple message.

Find the magical artifact called the Deermere choker. It could save your life some day.

She went to ask Thor what it was. He blushed but explained how that chaos artifact worked. She definitely wanted to find it soon.

***

Darcy leaned out of her room. "Jane, I need some help trying on this dress Dawn sent me," she called. "Help?"

"Sure," she called back, coming out of their bedroom. She walked in and stared. "That doesn't seem to fit you that well."

"These are little clips to help fit it." She showed her. "I can't get it balanced."

Jane nodded, playing around with a few until she figured out which ones gave the best proportions. She stepped back, undoing one extra one and nodded. "Damn."

Darcy looked at herself in the mirror, smiling. "I do look hot in this." She pushed her hair back over her shoulder.

Jane nodded. "Yes you do. Are the other things that pretty?" Darcy took that off carefully and got into a few other things. One of them looked like a wrapped sheet layers that fell to a ruffled butt train. On Darcy it looked scandalous and hot. "Wow."

"I know!" She let Jane see the back. "I could probably push the back down some." She did that and had to adjust the breast area but it was still good. She took it off to try on something else. That one made Jane wipe her mouth off. "This is so pretty and I don't think I could find this here."

"No, I've never seen anything like it, though I don't follow fashion." She blinked a few times. The short, tight dress clung to Darcy's chest and hips, making her look voluptuous. The sparkly threads made her look like fire was moving up her as she moved. The skirt barely fell below Darcy's butt but it was highlighted to a point that made it a focal point. "You're going to get pinched in that."

"Probably." She looked at the other things, trying on the really skinny skirt and a blouse, getting a nod from Jane. "I can't run in this but it's pretty."

"You do look good. Especially if you just did a really dark red lipstick with it and nothing else. You'd look pretty pale but that's in right now." Darcy smiled at her and changed into her favorite dress so far. Jane whistled. "That you can wear to the lab but I won't listen if you have to hit someone for pinching." She got up and went back to her room. She needed to wear some bad thoughts out on her boyfriend. Thor was good for that.

Darcy tried on a few more, picking one for the morning. Then she went to bed. It was going to be a long day tomorrow. Everyone would eventually quit staring at her like she was the weird one. Not like she ran around in spandex costumes to save humanity.

The End.
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