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The Daughter Of the Knight Isn't A Lady.

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Xander did have one stop to make. He smiled at the lawyer, handing over the paperwork. "I need to present that *quietly*."

The lawyer looked it over and sighed. "Are you certain?"

"Yeah. I am. It has to be quiet though. I have one noted but I've hidden that one."

"I can see why. Your heirs?"

"Someone over here was making more future watchers so I have kids. This is Priscilla, who petted a few corgis the last time we were in town, and Thane, my new one I came over to rescue this trip. His father has a former one as well. I know there's some sort of procedure. We leave in two days but I can extend if it I have to."

The lawyer looked it over again, then shook his head. "You don't have to formally present the children any longer. I can let that be known. And about that estate being inherited. Are they going to be raised over here?"

"I'm a new line watcher. I started on the Sunnydale team. I may if I ever retire so they can go to good schools."

"Understandable then." He made notes. "I'll pass this up, Mr. Harris."

"Thank you." He shook his hand and took the kids back to the slayer house. He took the girls who wanted to go to the museum with them. A full house field trip with Priscilla making notes and taking pictures on his phone.


Xander met up with another watcher in the airport in London, nodding at him.

"Boy, who did you inherit that title from?" he demanded.

"The estate in upper Wales? A former spouse." He smiled. "I might've stayed with him if his people hadn't killed him."

"No, the new title! You can't inherit those."

"I can inherit those if they're related. Mom's family was cut out for being an illegitimate daughter. Great-grandfather died last year. They were looking for heirs and they found out about Mom and then me. I'm the only male left in the family outside Thane here." He patted the baby on the head. "So yeah, I did inherit. There's been a lot of that in my family."

"Oh." He blinked a few times. "You named your son Thane?"

"It means warrior."

"That as well," he said dryly.

"I am basically the Thane for the Council," Xander said dryly.

"I didn't think about that," he muttered. "Fine." He huffed, looking down. "Yes, I see you, other spawn of Harris."

She smirked and kicked him on the ankle. "Be nicer or someday I'll run the Council for Uncle Ripper."

The man shuddered, shrinking back. "That day should never come."

"Then be nicer to my dad so he doesn't want to let me join up."

"Point I suppose." He looked at Xander. "He'll need a passport. If he's old enough to fly he'll have to have one."

"We have that covered, Gerald."

"Fine. If you're sure, lad." He went to check in and go through security. Xander was behind him so he watched how he handled it.

Xander smiled at the check-in clerk. "Hi. Xander Harris, Priscilla Harris, and Thane Harris."

"Yes, sir, I see three adjoining seats. Does he have a regulation carseat?"

"He does but he'll be mostly in my lap so Pris can spread out a bit."

"That's happened before." She got them checked in. "I'll need to see your passports?" He handed them and an envelope over. "This is?"

"A letter allowing him to fly from the US embassy. We just found him a week ago and got custody. This is the second time I've had to come to England to rescue one of my kids. The same people made my daughter for me."

"Oh, dear." She glanced it over. That is the proper paperwork so she noted all that and handed it over with the tickets. "Here, show them at security then at Customs."

"I can do that. Thank you, ma'am."

"Thanks," Priscilla said with a grin and a wave. She walked off with her father, taking his hand again. She stared at the watcher guy. "He's really good at flying and I learned from him."

"You clearly did." They went to get through security then to customs before the gate.

Xander handed over the paperwork first. "I just got custody of my son. That's US embassy paperwork for him. That's our passports inside the envelope."

The customs person read it over then called her supervisor, who came out. "Sir?"

"We've seen a few of those thanks to adoption."

"No, someone made my son and I found out so I had to come claim him with agents helping," Xander said with a grin. "The judge's statement that I was noted as his biological father is in there as well." He looked it over. "You're a lot nicer than the one where I had to rescue Priscilla. He threw a massive fit that someone was making me kids."

The supervisor looked at him. "This job can drive you a bit nuts. I do see everything's in order." He handed them back after stamping the two passports. "Thank you, sir."

"Thank you."

"Thanks," Priscilla said with a grin and a wave. "Dad, was my passport nearly filled?" she asked as they walked off. "It looked like it."

"You've got a page left so we'll have to get you a new one. The embassy here started the new paperwork for you when I showed them yours because it's nearly expired. They didn't want to keep us here if they didn't have to."

"That sucks. I like England."

"We can come back other times to visit and for work."

"Good point." She hummed as they checked in at the gate. Then she settled down to read for a bit. Xander got her to the potty before they boarded and got her some snacks from the nearby shops. It was easier than watching her fuss at the limited selection on the plane. His little girl didn't like peanuts.

Gerald the watcher was shaking his head at all that. Though he had never traveled with children, he wasn't sure that Harris wasn't spoiling them already.


Giles glared at Xander as he and the kids walked in. "You're a what now, boy?" he demanded.

"Great-grandfather was a debauching shithead," he said dryly. "Who had four daughters outside of marriage. Then one son with marriage who died after producing a son who wrapped his car around a telephone pole. Apparently the drinking gene on her side came from him."

"How long have you known that?"

"Few months. After the cousin had the accident they went looking and found my mom then me when they looked at her name in the Cali systems. There's one female cousin from one of the other debauching incidents but she's sixties and has no kids. I'm the only male outside Thane here."

Giles blinked a few times. "You seriously named him Thane?"

"Yes. With his daddy's help. I pulled him up to the astral plane to talk to him."

"Oh, I see." He looked at the boy. "He looks...scrunched."

"He's asleep. He likes to curl up." He shrugged. "It happens to kids. You said the same thing about Prissy too."

"I did," he said, moving closer. Thane woke up when he touched him on the head, yawning at him. "You're adorable. Sort of."

Xander grinned. "I was an adorable baby. I should've done commercials." He stepped back. "Fair warning, the report on that ...facility will make you reach for the rotgut scotch."

"I've gotten one from the agents."

Xander handed over his. Which nicely had a border done by Pris getting bored on the plane.

Giles read it over then growled. "Oh, they did what?"

"Linked to the security system. Keep going." He and Pris stepped back another step.

He kept reading and then glared. "They did what?" he demanded.

"Yeah. The son was in the second nursery, which was going to be sacrificed for power. The one that had been trapped by all that I got free of the portal is a daughter for a well known Scottish politician. A female one. She was not pleased. I heard her yelling up the street." Giles nodded, looking at the paperwork again. "Keep going though. There's a few names."

Giles did that and then groaned again. "All right. They're gone when I grab them."

"The UK would like to arrest them. That's probably why Gerald followed me home."

"He is over the archival team raiding the old building," he said, rubbing his forehead. "The agents?"

"I saw one in the airport."

"Yes, we'll hand them over if they want." He stared at the yawning baby. "He's very quiet."

"He's saving up to yell back at the girls."

"Probably a good idea. Do you want to stay in your suite?"

"For now."

"Fine." He walked off. "Ladies, Xander's back with the baby!" The girls squealed and came to see him.

"This is Thane. He's okay," Priscilla told them with a smile. "Bit fussy but he's still little. He'll grow out of that and gross diapers."

Xander grinned at her. "You did." He pulled the baby from the carrier to let them see him. "This is Thane Iolus Harris."

"Like from that show?" one girl asked.

Xander grinned and nodded. "Yup. His other daddy was worried it'd mean he'd be a sidekick but I think he'll do fine."

The girls cooed over him, making the baby yell at them for waking him up. They smiled and patted him, going to spread the news of that. Xander and Priscilla took him up to their suite to put him down for the night. The crib had been put back together so that was decent of Andrew. He grabbed Andrew when he came up. "This is Thane."

"You decided against Thanos?" he joked, looking at the new guy of the Council. "He's sweet seeming."

"He is. So far. No colic yet."

"That's good." He smiled. "We'll make him a geek, Xander."

"Thanks. We need to work on Pris's geek skills too."

"We can do that. Comic books are a good start. We both did." He punched him on the arm. "Rosenburg's with the Coven."

"I'm sure they're happy. We found that group making the kids were making some for sacrifices." He pointed at the baby. "One had a living portal on her chest."

"Damn." He nodded. "I'll help protect him from the girls." He went back to his room to think about how he didn't have a scion to follow him. No little clone, no little son, no one to taint into being the overlord he should have been. Maybe he'd ease Thane that way? He seemed like he'd be good at it so far. He had probably inherited Xander's more fun evil skills too so that'd help him become an overlord some day.


Andrew looked at Xander the next morning. "What if we turn him into the future president?"

Xander grinned. "He'll be following Bragus' plans, 'Drew. He's got magic." Andrew moaned. "I asked the high priest of Heimdall in London, since she's a seer too, to see if he had any gifts. He's got some magic. She said Pris might inherit my visions but he's got magic and nothing much else."

"Interesting. So we'll turn him into the Knight Protector."

Xander nodded. "Probably by accident. I still don't want the kids to follow me. Pris threatened Gerald with becoming the future head of the Council if he wasn't nicer to them. Said she'd take over for Uncle Ripper."

"Welllllll...." He considered it. "Huh. Why does she call him Uncle Ripper?"

"That was his teenage rebellion name. I think Buffy taught her to."

"That may be." He nodded, looking at the sleepy little guy. "Is all that sleeping normal?"

"Yeah. Babies grow when they sleep."

"Ah. No wonder!" He nodded, grabbing him the stuff to make a bottle for later. "Is he going to mini training time with you?"

"Yeah, he's got a carseat already." He finished the bottle, putting it in his pocket for now. "Let's go make the minis do stuff, kiddo. Someday you'll get to do stretches with the mini slayers too. That'll be cool because you won't have diapers anymore then." Andrew was snickering about that.


Priscilla bounded onto the playground. "I'm back!" She hugged her few friends. "And I have a baby brother!" She showed off the picture her father had let her print.

"Did your daddy adopt?" one girl asked.

"No, there was people making him and other kids. We had to go rescue him with some agents Dad knows." She shrugged. "I hung out with the slayers a few times and went to see artwork and stuff. And a ballet once. Dad insisted."

A teacher walked over. "Dear, it's not nice to lie."

Pris stared at her. "I'm the daughter of Xander Harris. That's how he got me too."

"So he adopted from those people?" the teacher asked with a smile.

"No. They were making him a son. Thane's other daddy is some bad guy I never met but Daddy said he's pretty and uptight. I don't know why though. My mom's a former warlord that the same people decided should be my mom."

The teacher blinked. "What?"

She shrugged. "They wanted more watchers."

"Why would they do that then?"

"My dad's the guy who trained the girls in Africa. Now he's over the minis who're under the age of eight. They're probably cooing over my baby brother today too."

"I...did not know that about your father."

"Most people recognize him by name." She grinned. "But it was an okay trip to England this time. We saw some museums, some other stuff in the park, a ballet, and Dad had to do some paperwork things in some offices." She shrugged. "That happens a lot though." She grinned. "Lucifer, I have a baby brother!" She ran over to show him the picture. "His name's Thane."

"That's a cool name." He looked. "He's pretty!"

"He is and he drools. And someday he'll quit having diapers."

"We all did." He walked her back there. "What did you do?"

"We went to some museums. We saw a play in the park. Dad took us to a ballet because he said I needed to know what it was. It had pretty costumes and I think it was about a fairy tale but no real idea." She grinned. "I helped one of the older slayers replay Myst on her computer."

"That's sweet." He nodded. "Were you any good?"

"No but I don't get to game very often yet. Dad said when I was older I could do that." He nodded at that. "Even the coven and the agents thought Thane was cute."

"He looks like it." The bell rang and they ran inside to their classroom.

Priscilla handed over some papers from her backpack. "From the museums and stuff we did in London. Like Dad promised I'd do." She sat down and tucked the picture into her desk. "Thank you for answering what page we were doing in the workbooks so I could make sure I caught up."

"Did you do it yesterday?" she asked.

"On the plane. It takes *forever*." She grinned. "We got *two* meals on the plane plus snacks. It was most of the day. Plus the layover to change planes in New York."

"How is your adopted brother?"

"He's not adopted. They wanted to make new watchers so however babies come to be was done. He's Dad's and some guy he said pretty but a bit uptight."

The teacher blinked. "They can't do that, dear."

"I asked and he showed me the science channel show on how they did that. Should I ask him what it was for you?"

She glared. "There's no reason to be mean."

"I'm not trying to. I don't remember what it was called. It had a microscope and little plates and stuff." She shrugged. "They were trying to make others too but they failed somehow."

The teacher blinked. "So it's your biological brother?"

"Yeah. Well, I guess a half-brother. My mom's a former warlord the same people wanted to use as a future watcher." She stared at her. "I asked and that's what Dad said."

"So some lab in England is making kids."

"It was on the news this morning," another girl said with a grin for her. "I saw it while eating cereal."

The teacher gave her an odd look. "Okay then." She got into the assignments. "I see you included pictures as proof."

"Only the pretty ones. After a while you see too much and it all goes wobbly in your head. I did that so I wouldn't forget those ones."

"That makes sense," she decided. She put them aside and took the night's homework, including all of Priscilla's backed up work to grade. The kids got ten minutes to finish anything if they wanted to while she graded. She frowned. "Priscilla, who is helping you with math work?"

"Uncle Andrew. He's got a bachelor's in physics and computer programming so a minor in math, whatever that means."

"Oh." She sighed. "That's not how you work those problems."

She looked at her. "He wrote out a few to show me when I got lost."

She looked and nodded. "He did." And did it the formal way.

"He also said that the middle school girls were doing the same work."

She looked up. "They are?"

"He said so. He's the one who checks all the homework."

"Your father doesn't check yours?"

"Dad didn't go to college. He learned stuff by handling it. When Uncle Rupert suggested he take some classes Dad said that they don't teach you how to raid a base of militia people to grab their weapons for the invasion coming up."

The teacher blinked a few times. "Oh, I see." She nodded. "Does anyone else check homework?"

"English papers get checked by a few of the watchers in the library. They have higher degrees. One's a doctor so I guess that means he had to write papers sometimes. I have no idea how that happens and Dad hasn't cursed me to get one myself yet. He's said he was going to but he hasn't. I think it'd suck to be any sort of doctor. A whole lot of complaining people from what I've seen in the ER when I had to go."

"Academic doctors get different sorts and don't have to see patients," the teacher said. She sighed. "We'll go over that some other time. For now, you're missing a page in the English workbook?"

"No. It's not in there." She showed her the workbook. "I was missing that page. I guess it fell out when Auntie Buffy was having a fit and threw my books one night." She shrugged. "If there's a copy I can do that."

"It's the same thing you've already done. I'll allow that to pass." She went back to grading, getting up to put up the spelling list for the week.

"What's a pawpaw besides a fruit?" Lucifer asked. The teacher looked at him oddly. "My mother sells fruit stuff and cooking shows. It's an Asian fruit. You usually group them by type of words and there's no other fruits."

The teacher looked that up on her phone. "I see it is. In this case it's another word for grandfather." Lucifer and Pris shared a look then shook their heads. If she said so. "Don't you two have grandparents?"

"Don't know," Pris admitted. "Dad's parents died when Sunnydale fell into a hole. Mom's parents I have no idea about. I'll probably never run into them."

"I have a set of grandparents, one from each side," Lucifer said.

"What do you call yours?"

"Grandmother and Grandfather or maybe Grandma, she likes it."

"Oh. Well, that's a regional word for grandparents that kids use in this region." A few of the other kids were shaking their heads. "Let's just go with it, kids." They all nodded at that.

Pris raised her hand. "What's that long word?"

"Abercrombie. It's the name of a clothing brand."

"Oh. No wonder I didn't recognize it." She nodded, writing it down a few times. A girl glared at her. "Dad hates clothing with names," she told her. She went back to taking down the words to study.

"Use them in a single sentence like usual," the teacher said patiently. "Hand those in tomorrow." The kids nodded, making that note on their homework calendars. She got into their spelling lessons for the week to teach them about the words so they could pass the test on Friday. She even showed them an older Abercrombie ad. A few of the girls wrote down notes about that too. It made her happy to expose the girls to such things.


Andrew got to talk to that principal that night when he was picking up Priscilla. "Did Pris have a problem today? Her dad's handling a peace negotiation for an upcoming higher level demon wedding in town."

"The teacher was concerned about how you're teaching her math, Mr. Wells."

"I think it's the right way. That's the way the middle school girls are doing it."

"She claims that's the old way."

"Math has no such fluctuations. It's math. It deals with objects and quantifiable things like numbers. Also, why is she doing middle school math work and first grade spelling?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Those formulas are middle school work. Not first or second grade."

"It's....it is?"

"Yes. And yet her spelling lists have been full of stupid little words the kids should mostly have. This week it has pawpaw and mawmaw in it. Plus a name brand clothing name."

"I have no idea."

"You're the principal. Shouldn't you know about this beforehand?"

"I should," she said firmly.

"So ask the other first grade teacher if that's normal?"

"I suppose," she sighed. "Also, we'd like to keep the other children more innocent than knowing that labs make children against their parents' will?"

"That is how she got a baby brother. It's normal to brag about the new sibling I'm told. Did she say something bad?"

"Most children don't come from labs."

"It's not like she told them how babies came to be. In this case, Thane came to be in a lab thanks to idiots who wanted to make future watchers and sacrificial victims."

The principal shuddered. "Still, we'd like the other children to not be exposed to that. Even though one noted she saw it on the news this morning."

"Yeah, it was on the BBC-A news this morning. It'll probably be on CNN this afternoon."

"Oh." She grimaced. "I see. Why do you watch the BBC anything?"

"We all decided it was more fair and untilted toward US news. Not UK news but US news it was less tilted."

"I see." She nodded once. "That's very odd."

"Three-quarters of the adults in the Council are Brits. You're lucky she's not still spelling Brit."

"Oh." She nodded with a sigh. "That's reasonable then. Just have a talk with her about not telling the other children so much information?"

"I can tell Xander that so he can talk to her."

"You're not together?"

"No. I'm the housemother. I cook, run errands, do backup parent things that Xander doesn't for the girls, nag about homework, and sometimes have to pick them up from school." He grinned. "I grew up with Xander. We were in the same classes and I got sucked into the Council before Sunnydale fell in. I'm on the allowed list."

"Fine. Please talk to him about that."

"Sure." He left, going to gather the other few slayers from the upper years. "Car, ladies," he called when he found them looking around. "My van's here." They ran for it. "Make sure we have Pris." She leaned out a window to wave. "Good girl. Thanks." He grinned at the staring parents. "I'm the Council's housemother. It was my turn to pick them up." That got a few nods. He grinned at Lucifer, who was grinning at him.

"Are you her friend Lucifer? She thought about writing you emails while she was gone but her father didn't let her have the phone." The boy grinned and nodded, finding his mother and pouncing her. Andrew got in to drive them back to the center. "Pris, she said you're creeping out the kids by telling them about agents."


"Yeah, I think it's fine. She's a bit weird. So is your teacher."

"Very." She sighed. "I have to write a sentence about Abercrombie for spelling."

"We can look them up. I'm sure they're different now than they used to be."

"Good. She showed us a few ads from them but they looked like Auntie Buffy's pictures from high school."

"Yeah, they weren't that great then if you weren't a skinny pole." He got them back home and inside. He went to talk to Giles about that teacher and the principal backing her up. Then he came to check homework. Pris had taken his recipe tablet to look up Abercrombie. "Oh, they're more inclusive now."

"Huh. That's cool enough I guess." She wrote her sentence based on that article. And cited it properly when he showed her how. One of the research people showed her a different way. Priscilla looked up at him. "Does that matter in first grade?"

"No, not unless you're expected to write papers to a certain method." He patted her on the head. "Rupert said your teacher was giving you weird homework?" She showed him all of them. He blinked. "That's high school level math."

"The girls in eight grade are doing that," Andrew said. "I pointed that out." He accepted the note from her backpack. "Why do you have a fashion show day?"

"I don't know. Can I skip?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "That's very weird. None of your clothes would fit that."

"I know! Unless I get the stuff they took from my closet back? The stuff Auntie Buffy bought me?"

"No. Those may have been fashionable but they were short and nasty." He grimaced, looking at the older man.

"None of the schools I attended would've dared to do that. If we were wearing off the rack we got sneered at. Ours were tailored to us." He handed that note back. "You can ask for a clarification."

"Yeah, I can. What do the poor kids do?"

"No idea, lad." He went back over her homework. "That makes no sense. Is she trying to make it so you don't read?"

"I like to read," Priscilla said. "But Daddy said I can't have the book he was reading this time because it was going over his head, much less mine. He said Dune was for bigger readers."

"Yes it is," Andrew said with a nod. "Because even I got confused by that book." He sighed. "What're you reading?"

"The third book in the Pern series." She showed him. "And the second in Xanth."

"That's a great series to read for your age range." Andrew looked at the older man. "Should we tell Xander to protest the teacher?"

"Yes. Quite. I doubt Priscilla will ever be a trophy spouse."

"With her daddy inheriting an estate, she'd probably have her own," Andrew quipped.

The man blinked. "He did what now?"

"One of the former spouses left him an estate."

"Oh." He nodded. "Well, at least he doesn't have to worry about a title."

"Is that like the Lordship paperwork stuff?" The older watcher stared at her. "I know Dad had some he had to hand in. He was reading to Thane so he'd nap."

"Harris!" he bellowed. "I know you're back!"

"I'm putting the son down," drifted down the stairs. "Be right there." He came in a minute later. "Did you have big problems today?"

"The principal wanted me to talk to her about leaving the other kids innocent of bad things like agents," Andrew said. "And I corrected the idea that I was evil enough to be one of yours."

"No, you never quite made it to that level of evil in Sunnydale, Drew." He blinked at the other watcher. "What?"

"Lordship?" he demanded.

"My great-grandfather liked to diddle the local girls. He was one. He and all his died. It's me and one female cousin."

The man blinked a few times. "Which one?"

"I have no clue! I just had to do paperwork where they found my mom." He shrugged. "I like the estate Joey left me more. It's got a nice house and no castle to have to fix up."

"Usually we all live at manor houses or in part of the castle and let the locals do things with the rest, boy."

"Oh, okay." He nodded. "If I end up with one I'll deal with that." He shrugged, looking over his daughter's head at the spelling list. "Huh. Name brand clothing people. Stupid words for littler kids. She did it again?"

"Yup," Andrew agreed. "But at least Abercrombie is now inclusive and doesn't just fit Cordelia sized girls."

"That's sweet of them." He blinked a few times. His daughter held up the note. "Like fucking hell, daughter." She shrugged. "Your teacher needs to have a word with reality. That day you can wear all black for the death of reason." He sighed, looking at the older watcher. "Are Andrew and I wrong about how bad that teacher is?"

"No, lad, you're not. Though I'm still not amused you have a title."

"I had a Sir in front of my name already."


"Hubert's brother-in-law was humping the Tower of London when he was high."

"Oh." He sighed, but nodded. "I suppose that's a pertinent protection of the Kingdom." He walked off. "Yes, do complain about that teacher again."

"Thanks." Xander looked at Andrew, who grinned at him. "Any other things today?"

"The principal wanted her to leave the other kids innocent of ideas about agents and that stuff."

"That's fine." He patted Pris on the head. "Tell Lucifer to wear black that day too. You can both mourn the death of reality and reason." He went to get the baby monitor from his training area and carried it back to help her with her homework. "Homework time, my minis," he called. The girls groaned but did get to it so Andrew could check it before dinner.


Priscilla faced off with her teacher the next day, handing back that note with the 'denied, she is not participating' on it. "My dad said that's tacky and insulting to half the kids who can't afford clothes with pointless names and that lacks practical benefit. The older watchers I asked about it said that if it's not custom made to you it's tacky off-the-rack stuff for lower class people wanting to be upper class.

"Duke Reggie in the library sneered that I even had to ask but said Dad makes sure I wear practical things instead of anything else. Dad said that day I'm to wear black clothes to mourn the death of reality and reason." She sat down. "He also asked about the kids who can't buy that stuff."

The teacher glared. "Your father and I are having a word, young lady."

"I think he's home today." She shrugged. "Thane has a baby doctor appointment later so I doubt he's doing more than running training for the pre-school group."

Lucifer looked at her. "There's baby slayers?"

"Yeah." She sighed. "When Auntie Willow activated the line it activated everyone who was conceived. So for now we have baby slayers. They do yoga-like stuff to stretch mostly." She nodded a bit. "I liked doing that with them and someday Thane will too I guess."

Lucifer thought about it. "I didn't think about that. Are they like full slayers?"

"Yeah." She grinned. "Super grip and all. One of them kept grabbing my hair because she's about eight months younger than me. She nearly pulled out a good handful of my hair a few times. She's the reason I got a broken hand too. She got scared at a disney movie and squeezed so hard she broke my finger and a knuckle got dislocated."

"Wow. I didn't even think about that."

"This year started off having future slayers again. They'll get it at puberty or so Dad said."

"Huh." He nodded. "That's pretty cool." He punched her on the arm. "I'll tell Mom about wearing black that day." She grinned back.

"It was meant to let some of the children show off their full wardrobes," the teacher huffed.

Priscilla looked at her. "I tried that and you saw Dad nagging me about that unpractical trash. And got a note sent home about it." She back to straightening out her desk. She moved her hands when the teacher slammed it. "I was straightening out the mess of my pencils." She opened it and went back to it. "Class bell hasn't rang yet." She stomped off.

Priscilla used the phone she had lifted off Uncle Rupert to text her dad's phone. He pointed out she should not steal her uncle's phone, he'd be there in a bit to get it from her, and if he had to talk to that teacher so be it. She put the phone into her backpack after turning it off. The class bell rang and she grinned at Lucifer. "I lifted Uncle Rupert's phone this morning. He was looking very peeved at it."

"I'm sure he gets weird phone calls like my mom does."

"I hope it was that." She did turn on the phone to send out a text message saying she had Rupert's phone in case something happened. Then she turned it back off and put it back into her backpack.

Lucifer grinned at that.


Xander looked at the principal when he strolled into the school. She was out of her office. "So we meet again over that dumbass you have teaching my daughter." The woman flinched. He stared at her. "Really. You can call her in to defend herself if you want. If my daughter had to steal a phone to warn me about the stupid this time, that's a problem she's having and you've done nothing to work against it."

"I have no idea...."

"Are you presently suffering from something that robs you of your memories?" He looked at the nurse sticking her head out of her office. "Is she?"

"If she's my patient I can't comment but I do not think so. Is Priscilla all right?"

"She had to steal Rupert's phone to warn me of the stupid going on. Are you a parent?"

"Yes, I am, Mr. Harris."

"Can you please be a voice of reason in this? Do you have the time?"

"I do and I can get that teacher."

"Please. And my daughter's notes. She was taught to make notes about all this stuff by Willow."

"I can do that." She went to get that teacher for the huffy principal. She nodded at the security officer. "He's not being mean."

"No, I have no intention of even raising my voice against anyone but that teacher, Security Officer Jacob. But I want you there as well as a witness that I did not. Because she'll try to use my combat history against me."

"Yeah, I can do that, just in case." He saw which teacher. "Oh, her. Yes, we've had many parents complaining about her."

Xander smiled at the man coming in, the Council's lawyer. He took the notebook from the child and read it over while they went to the office. He snorted at one thing and looked up, showing Xander. "I told her to wear black that day to mourn the loss of reality and reason."

"Good idea." He went back over the notes again then smiled at the principal. "There have been some serious issues with this teacher, ma'am. I'm sure you're aware of some of them."

"She's been made aware of all of them," Xander offered. "We've had a number of talks about this lady's stunts. Let's start with the spelling lists." He handed it to the nurse. "Is that reasonable?"

"First grade children often need to learn how to read when they come in so I would assume some are. I have no idea why regional relative words are on there or a name brand clothier?" She looked up at the teacher.

"All of us came in knowing how to read but one kid and we helped her catch up. We're all reading the second grade level story books," Priscilla told her. "That's all the classroom has. I'm fairly certain most of us knew what grapes and apples were and how to write them when we came in. Is that not normal?" she asked the nurse.

"No, it is," she said. "Many lists use simpler words to build from if the children don't already know how to read. If you all know that then you should be using bigger words. Do you have your workbooks?" She handed the stack from her backpack over. Xander held out a hand and she handed over that phone. He turned it on to check it then texted one note to Buffy before turning it off. The nurse sighed. "These are kindergarten level workbooks, Principal Hall." She let her see them.

"We find them really boring," Priscilla said. "And Dad has to really hunt to find copies."

"They should be given by the school," Xander said. "Or so I thought."

"They should," the lawyer agreed. The nurse nodded at that.

"I flunked a section because Amazon was late getting the books to us," Pris said. "I had to bring in the shipping confirmation of when they'd be in. Twice."

"That was my first talk with her," Xander admitted. "The ones who ordered directly from the publisher got theirs sooner but it was an extra forty-five bucks. I don't really want to support that publisher since they also publish neo-nazi propaganda books but I had no choice so ordered through the lesser evil of amazon."

"We supply all books," the principal said.

"Then you owe the parents in her class about one-fifty per student for both sets of books she wanted us to get them," Xander said.

"I...we order for them."

"I do not have the funds to pay for that," the teacher complained.

"We order them through the school board!"

"No one informed me of that for the last few years. This has been how I've always done it. I've been here for the last five years."

Xander looked at her. "You've been using higher level math and lesser level vocab for five years? Did those kids get the sneering over not wearing designer clothes?"

"It was meant to be inclusive."

"It's not. Over half the class can't afford that tacky shit you encouraged them to wear. And my daughter is not allowed to wear any of it even though we can afford it. My daughter isn't a tacky whore or a future trophy wife. Her clothing rules state no skin showing from her knees to her collarbone."

"Which means in the summer I have to wear boys' shorts but that's fine," Priscilla said. "Girls' shorts are really tiny."

"I've seen that," the nurse agreed. "What's wrong with your hand, dear?" She let her see it. "Did you bang it?"

"Yes." She pouted. "This morning on my way out I nearly closed it in the door." Xander nodded to back that up. "Where's my baby brother?"

"Calming your Uncle Rupert down."

"Oh. That's nice of him." She looked at the teacher. "There's a ton of things. Including sneering that I'm not a dumb kid like some of the girls. You're giving it to Lucifer too."

"Andrew's noted the math lessons have been middle school level but she does them wrong," Xander said. "But her spelling lists have been miniature words that she's well beyond. If they're doing minor formulas, that's not first grade work. Them learning it wrong isn't doing them any good either." The teacher huffed again.

"Not to mention the science lessons have been very wrong." He handed that workbook over. "She went against the book and had them cross out whole pages she taught them differently about." The principal looked through it, grimacing. He handed it to the nurse, looking at her as she went through it.

"No, that's fourth grade and that's wrong how she did that." She frowned at the teacher. "That's incredibly wrong. And you know that." She went back to it. "Perhaps the whole class should get to skip second grade."

"They can't pass the english tests," the principal and Xander said together.

"She took hers and scored top three percent in english. I looked at the results on the school board's site and none of the kids outside the few in the top three percent got above a sixty."

The principal sighed but nodded. "They talked to her about how to fix that. She said she'd give better word lists." Xander handed this week's over. "What is that?"

"This week's spelling list," Pris said. She shrugged. "I wondered about the cheezy clothing company name. Lucifer said that pawpaw is a fruit from Asia."

"It's the papaya that's not. They kinda look the same and taste the same but they're totally different to science," Xander told her. "You've had them. You hated it like you did papaya and pineapples."

"Oh, that stuff. Yeah, not my thing. I like cherries." She leaned on her dad's arm. "We've been trying."

"This is the same teacher that complained I was too rough on Pris for wanting her to have good grades," Xander said. "And all the other problems I've brought to you." The lawyer handed over the notebook. The principal read it over and huffed. "That's my feeling too. This is the third talk about this teacher in a *month*, Principal Hall. And I wasn't here for half of it."

"Oh, dear." She looked at her. "We do need to fix some things."

"If she was over my child I'd be screaming at her," the nurse said.

Xander grinned. "I scare people when I get loud so I try not to."

"I can see why, Mr. Harris. How is the new baby your daughter bragged about?"

"Thane's really cute and cuddly and hates his Aunt Buffy thankfully." He grinned. "He fusses up everything when Buffy and Willow come near him but does adore Andrew and Uncle Rupert. He even likes the one watcher in the library we all hate for being a douchebag but the son likes him for some reason." He shrugged.

The lawyer coughed. "It is most amusing to that one as well, Xander."

Xander grinned at him. "Just think, you'll never have a standard custody argument to make because none of the rest of us have kids."

The lawyer stared at him. "I'm going to suggest Rupert give a reward for the other watchers to breed."

Priscilla smiled up at him. "Like I told Watcher Gerald, someday I could take over for Uncle Ripper and head the council." She grinned. "Thane can be our training guy like Dad is."

"Yes, we're all scared of that, Priscilla." Xander cracked up. "Rupert and the others really must have children soon." He cleared his throat, looking at the principal.

"Someday I'm going to be the ghost of the Council, taking out any abusive future ones," Xander quipped. "I can float around, mentor the girls into not dressing like Buffy, and shoot the ones who're abusive."

"I look forward to that day," the lawyer agreed with a smile for him. "That day I'll get to retire because we'll never recover."

"You say the sweetest things." Xander smirked back and blew a kiss. "Any idea on her mom's people? I haven't heard anything and I know someone had you looking."

"She has a mother so Priscilla has a grandmother, but she's a hateful woman who hates the slayers."

"Aww. She'd really love that someone made Pris between me and her daughter then."

"She disowned her daughter the day she wanted to join the school's rifle club."

"I've taught Pris how to use a crossbow, but she's not real accurate."

The lawyer nodded. "Good of you." He looked at the principal again, who was not amused. "Yes, meetings around the Council often do go this way."

Pris nodded. "It means no one falls asleep at all the stuffiness."

Xander nodded. "Too true, daughter of mine." He looked down. "We may have to go talk to the Fae society."

"Dad, they want me to wear froofy dresses and have manners."

"They want me to dress froofy and have manners too but it can take a long time."

"I'd hate to be like that napping guy in the story."

"Yeah, I'd hate to be Rip too. So maybe we'll talk Gerald into doing it. He has tact."

"Send Reginald," the lawyer said.

"We like him," Priscilla said. "He's not that uptight and bad. If we send Gerald, he'll get to be uptight with people who enjoy being uptight."

"Point," he admitted. Then sighed again. Xander hugged her. "She is clearly your daughter, Harris."

"Yes, she is my contribution to the world." He grinned.

Priscilla looked at the teacher. "If you had made me wear stuff that carried a label you'd be condemning me to camping. Which I know you hated."

"Girls shouldn't do that."

"Girl scouts do that," Xander said dryly.

She shuddered. "They're all lesbians."

"If she likes girls some day, I'm fine with that. As long as they're good to her I'm fine with most anyone outside a vampire. Maybe not most hell lords. She might take over on them."

Pris rolled her eyes with a loud, deep sigh. "Dad! That would mean I'd have to do paperwork and you've always said everyone wants to rule the world but no one wants to do the paperwork."

The lawyer had to cough a few times to cover up the laughing he was doing. "That's very true," he said, trying not to giggle again. "Even Rupert hates paperwork."

"That's why he makes me do most of it and Willow does the rest," Xander quipped. "There's days I think I already rule the world with the amount of paperwork I do."

His daughter hugged him. "I'd hate it if you became president, Dad. The guards look uptight."

"They are." He petted over her hair. "I've met ours a few times. They're never amused. Besides, that should be Andrew's job. He wanted to be the evil overlord type. Or maybe Thane's future job."

She looked up at him. "He'd hate that. I doubt he'll want to wear Watcher suits."

"No, probably not." He cuddled her. "So what can we do about this continuous problem this teacher keeps giving my daughter and others? I'm sure I'm not the only parent that's complained, even if I am the only dad."

"No, I've gotten many about her. Today your students will have a study hall under watch. We'll go over your teaching plans and all your future special events." The teacher huffed and left the school. "Oh, dear. We need to replace her."

"I know a few turtles who could fill in," Xander offered.

"Dad, that's a cartoon," Pris told him.

He looked down at her. "Not ninja turtles, I mean regular ones."

"Oh. Okay. That may be kind of cool."

"We can get a substitute teacher for tomorrow," the principal assured them. "They can test the students on what they've learned and move them on from there." Xander nodded, walking off with his little girl. He delivered her back to class and let her go with her backpack. Security Officer Jacob came in to watch over the class until the principal could get someone. He had kids at home. He could handle a few hours of first graders.

Xander got to go back to playing with the minis and his son for now. The lawyer went to make notes and make a report for Rupert. He really was amused at Priscilla's mouthiness and ideas. Though Rupert agreed that Xander did enough paperwork to actually be in charge of things but it should really be Andrew's job to rule everything. He did so want it.


Xander walked his daughter into her fist day with the substitute. "Behave," he reminded her. "Make me proud. Don't start anything." She nodded. "Good girl." He hugged her. "I'll be negotiating all day." He smiled at the sub. "Hey." He gave her a nudge. "It's fine."

"I could go play."

"There's only five minutes." He walked off. "Let me know later if you have homework."

"Yes, Dad." She looked at the teacher, shrugging. "He's super fussy about homework." She walked into the room and put her stuff away then looked up to grin at the others coming in. "Dad was running late doing the clothing checks for the bigger slayers." A few grinned at that. She hugged Lucifer. "How was your night? We had movies and stuff."

"I had my grandmother over for a bit to talk to Mom about stuff." He shrugged, settling in his seat to put things away. "She was not happy with something Mom had decided." He grimaced. "I read instead."

"I started to do that but Andrew handed me a comic book. Then said Dad had agreed I could learn comics finally."

Lucifer sighed. "I'm jealous!" She let him have it. "Oh, a good one." He read it until the substitute got things started. Then it went into his desk with a grin for her. She grinned back.

"Students, I'm Miss Lorraine Lavona." They all said hi. She smiled. "Thank you, kids. I'm going to be substituting for at least a few days while your teacher's out for whatever happened." She looked around.

"She stomped out when someone asked her a question," one of the other girls said.

"I have her notes so we can keep on schedule and I have the note from the principal that wants to know how big your spelling list is because she thinks you're too smart for the tiny words you've been getting. We'll do that after lunch." They all nodded. "For now, let's look at math." They pulled out their math homework. She looked at the first one and stared. "Why are you doing that?"

"She said so?" the kid said with a shrug. "My mom was confused too."

"So am I." She took up the rest of the sheets. She blinked at one then at the kid next to her. "Why did you title it with an unfortunate call to a name?"

"That's my name, Miss Lavona."

"I don't believe so."

"Yeah, his name is Lucifer. His mom said she named him because a demon helped her out of a bad incident while she was pregnant," Pris said. The teacher stared at her oddly. She stared back. "She did."

"She did," Lucifer agreed with a grin. "I think it's pretty cool."

"It's unholy."

"That depends on your religion of choice," another girl quipped. "My dad's Hindu and he just giggled."

"I see." She went to grade those. "I have no idea why you children are doing this level of math."

"Neither did we," Pris quipped. "We complained too." She looked at that one girl. "Is your Dad okay? The news said that your dad had an accident."

"He's okay. Bruised really a lot but okay." She smiled.

"Good! Hospitals are icky if he has to stay at one. Jell-o is evil." The girl nodded with a grin. Someone leaned in. "Hi, Officer Jacob," she said, getting it echoed by the other kids.

"Kids." He smiled at them. Then at the teacher. "The principal has asked for a quick meeting at lunch, ma'am. The school board is coming in to look at those tests."

"I was going to do that this afternoon, once they had warmed up."

"I'll let her know and tell you if she says to do it sooner." He went to tell the principal that and came back. "She did say to please give it this morning."

"All right." She nodded, handing out the test. She looked at Lucifer. "Just put L and your last name please, dear. That way no one else has to remark on your name." She handed one to Priscilla. She spotted something. "What is that?" she asked with a point.

She looked then at her. "My security key into the slayer house. My dad trains the minis slayers under eight." She grinned. "I need the security key to run inside sometimes." She got into the test. The teacher looked horrified but went back to the desk.


The Principal looked at the parents gathered with the school board members. "The students are doing a lot bigger words than we expected," she said. "Even the one that started out a bit behind the others has a fairly good vocabulary. They're doing some third grade spelling words. The school board was highly amused. Not at their math lessons, but at the words. We may be skipping them into third grade as a class. They're trying to decide that while talking to the second grade teachers about what they're still missing."

Priscilla raised her hand from her dad's lap. "Does that mean we don't have to do more really hard math right now?"

"Yes. We're going to move you back to second grade appropriate math. We noticed a few simpler math errors at the addition and subtraction level so we'll help you work on that." She nodded. "English lessons will be more reading for right now until appropriate spelling lists are decided on." The other parents nodded at that, smiling at their kids. "There's also the matter of the upcoming free day for the month. The original teacher had wanted a brand name fashion day. We have decided that is really unfair to some families that can't afford that."

"Or won't," Xander said.

"Or won't," she agreed with a nod to him. "Instead we'll have a day to learn about..." She looked around. "Mr. Haramaya, could you run a lesson on your peoples?"

"India is very diverse as a culture but I can give a good overview and teach the children some things," he agreed with a smile and a nod. "Would that offend anyone?"

"Nope," Pris said. "We're pretty cool about most peoples, Abby's dad."

"That's good, Priscilla, though I expect you've seen many other types of peoples."

She nodded. "And demon communities." She grinned.

"That's wonderful," he agreed. "We can do that. Should I introduce children to the food? There are some spices and I do not know about allergies."

One parent looked at him. "Mine has a milk allergy."

"Coconut milk is all right?"

"Yes, that'd be fine." She smiled and nodded. "I'll send her with rolaids. She eats some Thai food and burps a lot."

"Me too," Pris agreed with a nod. Her dad patted her on the back. "I'll bring my own that day."

Xander grinned. "That's fine." He grinned. "She's fine with most anything but that waxy textured vegetable."

"I was thinking a good curry with rice and perhaps simple vegetables."

"That'd be fine," most of the parents agreed with nods.

"Then we'll go with that," the principal said. "For tonight and tomorrow there's no homework. We'll get them the new workbooks in a few days, and we are ordering them as she should have. We'll keep you all informed with notes home about future homework schedules and any decisions about their skills."

"We keep a homework calendar," one girl said, pulling hers out to show her.

"Oh, that's handy." She smiled. "I'll update that when we know how we're doing that." She handed it back. "I'd expect it to probably be Friday or Monday before we have a clear cut path." The parents all nodded. "Thank you for having patience with us and bringing this to our attention so strenuously. We've compared them against the other class of first grade and they're doing the usual work. So we'll try to keep them somewhat at grade level if we can. I'll send home detailed notes about all that when we have them." The parents nodded and left together.

Xander nudged Lucifer. "If you share her comic books that's fine. I know she's not keeping it for worth the way Andrew does." He winked. "And I always have great comics." The boy grinned at his mother. "We're letting my daughter finally turn into a geek."

"That's a good thing for her to be since you are," Lucifer's mom agreed.

"Can you two stay?" the principal asked.

"Sure," Xander agreed with a nod. He looked at his daughter, who shrugged. They stayed while the others left. "What happened this time?"

"The teacher today is a good woman but a bit...religious. The only other substitute I have available at this age range is even more religious. Miss Lavona has asked that Lucifer only use his first initial."

"She washed down the desks with holy water during lunch," Pris said dryly. "She got a bit horrified when she noted my security key for the slayer house and I told her what it was too."

"Yes, she's very...she doesn't like to think such things exist. I do not believe it will cause the children problems but if it does I want to know immediately so I can address it. She may be the teacher for next year permanently."

"There's two baby slayers in kindergarten," Xander said.

"I'm aware, Mr. Harris. They'll be going to Miss Daphne anyway. She's trained the other ones." He nodded he realized that. "I would change those two but they'd be miles ahead of the other students. Even in second grade at the moment. They're both very high on the vocabulary lists. Both ranked above ninety percentile on it.

"Which is technically third grade level with those words." Lucifer's mom gave him a hug for that. "So if she does have problems let me know. I'll talk to her about any biases she may have tonight but try to stay calm unless it's very harmful to you, children." They nodded. "Thank you."

"As long as the kids are treated fairly and well," Xander said. "Though Rupert does want her to go to a boarding school in England when she's older."

She frowned at him. "I'd hate that."

"Me too. I'm a bit clingy to you." He gave her a cuddle. "C'mon, let's go save Thane from the witches babysitting today." She moaned but got up and ran for the car. He grinned at Lucifer's mom. "The witches are all grandmotherly sorts who are cranky." He strolled after her. "I'll let her bring a few more comics in the morning, Lucifer."

"Okay, thanks, Mr. Harris." He grinned at his mom. "They're really cool."

"They are." She took him to their car to go home. Her husband would be amused at all this.


Xander walked in and heard his son yelling so went to find him. "Hey, Thane." His son howled so he picked him up. "What's up? The witches trying to get you possessed? If they want it that much I'll share my hyena with you, sweetie." He walked off. "Ladies, we're going to be talking," he chirped, smirking at them. They all shrank away from him. "Giles, what are they trying to do to my son?" He was in the doorway so they couldn't escape or break anything.

He came in to look and glared at the witches, who shrank away from him. "They're trying to use him to commune with an ancient spirit."

"My son's not as open to that as I am," Xander chirped with a smirk for them. "Quit trying to harm the son before I have to claim your kids as my own." They nodded and shrank back away from him even more. "Thanks!" He went to the kitchen with the baby, who was huffing.

"I know, but they're witches and almost all witches are warped," he told his son. "Your Aunt Willow is the worst yet but she's probably warped them too. We'll protect you from them, Thane." He grinned. "You're getting more personality every day, son. I'm happy you're growing into such a big boy."

Giles took him to check. "He's not possessed. He's very closed off for that." Xander grinned at him for that. "Though I think he's a bit squishy."

"Yeah, he is." He took him to change then to the kitchen.

Priscilla looked over from her snack, waving her pretzel stick with nutella at him. "Hey, Thane!" she said loudly. He huffed again. "Aww, did the witches give you a headache? They do it to me too sometimes. Especially their herbs." Giles went to ask them about that. A few ran for their lives instead of answering.

Xander looked that way. "If I have to come back in there about that, we're having words, ladies. Like I would with Willow." The rest fled the house to go back to their coven house. He looked at Andrew, who charmed both kids for protection from magic. "Thanks."


"She shared her comic with Lucifer." He grinned.

"That's sweet, Pris! It's a great geek queen thing to do!" He gave her a hug. "We'll get you a few more to share." He went back to making dinner. Upstairs the girls were fighting loudly. With some screaming. He took Thane so Xander could go break it up. "Finish up before a slayer steals it, Pris." She nodded, finishing her snack and letting her baby brother suck some of the nutella off her finger. Upstairs, screaming got louder, then one girl screamed like she was hurt, then there was running.

"Giles, we need an ambulance," Xander yelled. "Bailey's possessed and stabbed Mina in the side!"

"I'm calling," Andrew yelled back. Giles went up to help while the other watchers locked the girls down but waited for the ambulance. They ran up to help with the infirmary staff. They were set up to handle healing, not immediate emergencies. Giles went with her to the ER so that was nice. Xander settled in the kitchen again after washing his hands off.

Priscilla looked at him. "Will Mina be okay?"

"Probably. I don't think it hit anything important. I'm worried about getting whatever out of Bailey." He got a drink. "But I can't help with that or it'll crawl in me."

Andrew nodded. "They can handle it. You only get to step in if they can't."

"I know." He hugged the kids. A few of the other girls came in to get their own hugs. "That's fine. Who's trying with Bailey?"

"Watcher Callais."

"He'd hurt her." He went up to stop that. "Guys. Are we saving her?" They got out of the way. He took the exorcism book, finding his usual one. Then he cast it at her, making her whine and hold her head but it flew out. The magic-able watchers captured it to find out what it was and where it had come from. Xander looked at Bailey. "When?"

"I don't know." She was starting to cry. "Is it still Wednesday? I had a date."

"It's Monday." She whined and went to find her phone. Xander stopped her. "Gwen, call her boyfriend?"

"We have," she called. She leaned in. "It had to be one of the bitches at the high school, Xander." She came in to hug Bailey. "It'll be okay. Mina's only minorly injured. We'll handle it. Your boyfriend agreed something was weird and he's not mad. I tried to get one of the witches to fix it this weekend when we noticed it was getting worse," she told the watchers.

"I just found them trying to get Thane possessed," Xander said dryly. "We need better witches." The others nodded. "There's covens in the US. I'm going to call one."

"Rupert said not to. They may not like the slayers," one said.

"We'll see. Let me look them up. One of you make sure Bailey's clear." He looked at Callais. Who rolled his eyes but nodded. Xander went down to look up covens on Andrew's tablet for cooking while the girls fussed at Thane and Pris in the kitchen. "Make sure no one else is affected," he told Faith when she stomped in.

"Already did all but these." She tested the others in there and sighed in relief. "Bailey's fine?"

"Clear as far as I know. We need better witches. They knew for a few days."

She nodded. "Yeah, we need better witches." Thane yawned. "You tired, little guy?"

"Kids grow when they nap," Xander said dryly. He looked at her. "He's good at it too." She laughed but patted him on the foot before going to talk to the other senior girls. They had to figure that out and stop it.


Xander strolled into the high school the next day, wearing Thane in a chest carrier. He grinned at the principal when he ran into him. "We have to talk."

The man stared at him. "Mr. Harris."

"We really have to talk. Somehow Bailey got possessed while here last week. She thought it was Wednesday." The principal winced. "We've cleared it, after the rest of us realized and she had stabbed Mina in the side. By the way, she's off today and tomorrow." He handed over the note. "Do you know which coven of teenage girls you have?"

"I believe we have two."

"Okay. The girls are on the watch out for others who may have been hit by them. Because they're teenage girls and teenage girls are bitches."

"If so, can we call your people?"

"We drove the Devon coven off again. They were trying to get my son possessed yesterday and didn't depossess Bailey when noted she was taken over by one of the other girls. Who all got a *long* lecture for not telling the rest of us." He grinned. "We've talked to a coven in DC. They're all around that area and the sub-towns around it."

He handed over a number. "She said you could contact her if something like this happened. It wasn't the first time she had seen teenage girls with the Craft going jealous bitch. She had teenage girls herself. She's up to check all the girls today so they're all out today."

"That's fine. I can find that reasonable." Thane huffed. He smiled. "He's adorable."

"Thane is my son and all the slayers tell him that. He's going to get a swelled head." He grinned. "But he's mostly a good boy. They got upset and cuddled him all of last night. Even changed diapers."

"Wow. Mine never would. I'll let her know if we find more of that problem."

"Thanks." He grinned. "And if you find the jealous bitches, have some fun and be creative. Suspension probably won't do anything. I like cleaning the park with the hellmouth. Weeding around the tentacles is very instructive to the slayers." He winked as he walked off. "C'mon, Thane. Let's get food we don't have to share with greedy slayers." His son howled but was happy enough to suck on his finger instead. "Yeah, we like that idea. Nummies for both of us it is."

The principal went to talk to a few of his teachers who'd be more aware of that. They could gladly find any other possessed girls to tell that coven about. That whole coven got to do some practice depossessing them. Though one was found to be sick, not possessed. Her mother got her to an ER that night.


Rupert looked at the senior witch from the new coven Xander had found. "Thank you for the assistance, ma'am."

She smiled. "It's fine, Mr. Giles. Many covens think the Devon coven has lost their path. We'd be happy to fill in for things like this and other healing things when needed."

"I'll gladly accept that. Did you check Thane? The coven was trying to have him possessed."

"He's completely not open. Though he's a charming little boy who sucked up to us all."

"He's learned that from the slayers sucking up to him I'm afraid."

"All children should be so happy."

He nodded. "True. Did you see any needs we can help your coven with?"

"Oh, no. We're fairly well protected for all that. Thank you though." She shook his hand and took the girls back to their meeting home so they could rest.

Giles went to talk to his people. "They said we're all clear, we can call them back for later issues or healing things," he reported.

"That's good to know," Callais said. "They seemed pleasant."

"They said many covens think the Devon coven has lost their pathway."

"They were trying to get my son possessed," Xander said dryly. "Ya think?"

"Point," he agreed. "That was not responsible of them." He looked around. "We should probably start to liaison with other covens. Younger ones that could help us with our duties and who are closer."

"We need to find out why no male related to the Devon coven has ever had magic," Xander said. "That's weird, right?" he asked, looking at Gerald. Who nodded.

"Most of them become watchers, Harris."

"No. Miss Maisy's son isn't. The other day she was complaining she has nine grandsons and three granddaughters. All the girls have magic but not the sons?"

He considered that. "That is rather odd. Magic isn't limited to females. A few of us have the skills."

"Most of the coven's people who come in to train as watchers fail it for being too soft," another, older, one said. "I have no idea what they go on to do instead."

"Did Miss Maisy ever have sons?" Xander asked. "She was complaining about having so few females in the family."

They considered it. "She had four sons," one said. "She's my cousin. So where are they?"

"Yeah, that's what I'm worried about," Xander said. "If they're hurting the boys, we need to stop that. And stop talking to them."

"Point," Gerald agreed. "I think we should look into that."

"Yes, please do," Giles said. "Is Thane all right?"

"The witches said he was fine, Pris was fine, and so was little Daisy Mae. Who had been possessed."

"She's not in the high school," Giles said, taking off his glasses. "Or in any school."

"No, she's not," another said. "What was she possessed with?" Xander handed down the notes the witches had given him. "Is that something in the dangerous materials vault?"

"Yes," Xander said, looking at him. "Something I gathered and stuck in there. Someone used Daisy to grab it from the vault and it got her possessed. I checked, it's back in there but it's mute. I let the coven put that demon back into that orb after charging it with hellmouth energy."

"That's charming." He considered it and the notes. "Who got into the vault?"

Xander looked at someone else. "That's your job."

"None of the girls are allowed near there unless they're escorted. I have not seen any of the tiny slayers at all. I've seen Priscilla."

"Dona's still talking to her," Xander agreed. "They have tea every few weeks."

He looked confused. "I've only seen her the once." He looked at his people, who shook their heads. "The book," he demanded. It was handed over. He looked at the entries. "I signed some people in who I don't remember seeing, Rupert."

Giles came to look and nodded. "That's magically updated."

"It is," he agreed, looking up. "I had myself checked. I was not possessed."

"Clouding, Hubert. It's not a hard spell."

"I'm going to do an inventory tonight."

"The necklace I threw in there is in Willow's things," Xander said. "I've seen her wearing it but I thought she might be instructing Willow in how to be an ethical witch as she's a former Goddess of Magic."

"Like hell!" another said.

Xander looked at him. "The ruby heart? She's got it. I'm the one who put that in there. It had a goddess of magic in it when I did that."

They looked at the inventory. "I do not have that listed." Xander stood up to look and pointed. "That's not a necklace."

"It was when I put it in there." He sat back down, checking on Thane then looking at him. "Also, the one below it, isn't that a vase?"

He looked and moaned. "We have to redo the inventory," he said. "Tonight."

"Want a few girls to help?" Xander asked. "Just in case?"

"I can take Faith," one said. "She can take notes and will scare most of them. Half of them would come out to flirt with Buffy."

"That's fine," Giles said, going back to his seat. "This is most odd and I'd like to know when it started."

"We have older inventory lists we can check against," one of the junior ones said quietly.

"Please and let me know." He looked at Xander. "Any other artifacts you've noticed out of the vault?"

"The one in your office?" he guessed. "The tea set?"

"It's not possessed. Someone was floating it," Giles said.

"Yo, tea set," he called. It floated in and poured Giles a hot cup of tea when it had been empty as it came in. Xander grinned but Giles tested it before drinking and nodding. "The one in your office on that stand keeps shifting itself so it looks better in the light. I think that's what's moved some of your chairs around too."

"An interior decorating artifact?" one snorted.

"Well, it's got a hell lord in it," Xander said dryly. He petted the pot, making it happy and sit on the table. "Thank you, dear. Giles needed tea." It steamed and settled in to be appreciated. Xander grinned.

Giles went to look at that statue and brought it back. The tea pot hissed at it so he put it farther away from it. "All right. We'll make sure you two don't mingle. It was shifting my desk set around." The artifact team took it to go over. "I think we also need to check the protections."

"Yes, today," Gerald said. "We can go over that in a bit, Rupert." He looked at Xander.

"I don't have magic. I have hellmouth taint." He grinned. "The son has magic though." They all groaned. "Pris is headblind. The one that checked the kids said she may someday have my visions but otherwise she's clear."

"What witch checked them?"

"I asked the poker circuit in London to refer me to one." He grinned. "She's an old Swamp Granny sort of witch. Long bloodline, don't put up with shit from men."

"Ah, one of those. All right," Rupert agreed. "Thank you for noting that. Will his magic be penned up?"

"That's up to him as he grows into it."

"Agreed. It's sensible to do that." He looked at the others. "We apparently have a hidden mess." They nodded, going to clean it up.

Xander did a bedcheck for them then put Thane down in his crib and got the baby monitor so he could do some paperwork. He heard it when someone walked into the kids' room so snuck up there and knocked that person out then threw him down the main staircase. Xander grinned at the guy when he blinked at him.

"You were visiting my kids?" Giles came to see who it was and got them arrested and officers showing up. Xander went to check on the kids then came back down to grin at the officers. "He decided to visit my kids in their room."

The officers nodded, gathering him to put him under formal arrest and then ask him what he had thought he was doing.

Xander grinned at Giles. "Did we recognize him?"

"Not at all."

"We'll find out then." He went back to the office. "Doing the paperwork."

"Thank you, Xander." He went back to checking the protections. They had to restart the intent wards too apparently.


Xander was outside Cleveland a few days later, meeting with a hidden member of the Council. He settled on the park bench, putting the baby between them. "Thane, this is your Auntie Dawn. We don't talk about her for her own safety."

She cooed, picking up the baby to cuddle. "Hey, Thane." He stared at her then decided she was okay so drooled. "That's cute, baby boy." She cuddled him. "How's Pris?"

"Her substitute teacher is freaked out by the Council." He grinned. "Her little friend Lucifer is pretty cool. That same sub's freaked out by his name."

"Poor kid." She kissed the baby on the head, making him coo happy noises. "You're a good boy. His other parent?"


"Not surprising."

"The same agents made him."

"Ah." She nodded. "So really not surprising." He showed her a picture from a news story, making her moan. "Okay, if he shows up some day I'll know that if I have custody of them after you die."

"Willow thought she did and threw an awesome fit when she demanded I update the will to include him and let her sign the paperwork agreeing she'd take him too." Dawn rolled her eyes. "Giles had to use a werewolf tranq from the office door on her."


"He's got magic."

"I can tell. It's as cuddly as he is." She shifted to sit more comfortably and cuddle him some more. "How's my sister?"

"Nagging. A lot. I forbid her from taking Pris shopping after she spent over eight grand I didn't have in the account to give Pris impractical, name brand stuff that she's not allowed to wear to school." Dawn winced at that. "Yeah. So very happy with her. She's not even allowed to tell Pris a bedtime story." He grinned. "And we had to update the spells. The coven removed them all when we made them flee for trying to get him possessed." She looked confused.

"We had teenage girls being teenage girls in the high school getting Bailey. Who stabbed Mina in the side. We had the witches trying to harm him and fled from me going after them. Then they checked things. They had some of the girls get into the vault so they could get artifacts. They had the intent wards canceled. They had to rebuild all the protections." She winced. "So it's been a *great* week."

"Damn." She looked down then at Xander. "They're going to scream when they find out some things."

"Oh, the estate and great-grandfather both came out recently with the knighting. We had to fight the school board over their shit." He grinned. "Giles was not amused!" She snickered. "He said you could call."

"I could but last time Buffy tried to answer."

"We all hate that she nagged you that way, Dawn. But at least you did find a safe college. You could've joined me in Africa."

"No thanks. I don't think I'm that adventurous." He nodded he got that. "How's Faith?"

"Needing a vacay away from the minis. The tiny ones have been hanging on her because they all need new clothes. She had to stop the hoochie shit thanks to Buffy. She went through everyone's clothes and pulled out all the hoochie crap. Including Pris's wardrobe." Dawn grinned. "But she could use a vacay."

"Foreign house?"

"No, not a working one, a real one. Like a beach somewhere that no one knows who she is."

"That could probably help a few of the older girls. Send her to a Sandal's or something so she gets laid too?"

"Yeah, I can do that." He took his son back, earning a tired sounding noise. "Wanna go back in the carrier?" He put him back into the carseat, looking at her. "Need to hide at the house in England over spring break?"

"I think I'm going to be over there for a bit for my masters actually." She grinned, getting up and kissing him on the forehead. "You can ask my opinion on decorating. I doubt whoever had good taste like I do." She strolled off.

Xander grinned at his son. "She's a neat auntie. You'll get to be raised by her if I fall." He got up, going to the car. He stared then shook his head. He checked by turning off the alarm then back on. And it exploded. "Huh." He nodded, looking at the officers running his way.

"At least that's a rental. I'd hate to see how big the explosion would've been if it had been my truck." He waved at an officer. "That was my rental." He handed over his keys. "Thankfully I have my phone and wallet." Dawn came jogging back. "Car bomb. I felt funny so undid and redid the alarm, which set it off."

"Great. Who's on your list?"

"I don't actually know." He let her have the baby while he looked at his phone. He sent a few texts and got no answer back. "Interesting." He texted someone else, who complained but agreed. "Oh, it's Pris's mother's people." He sent out that notice to them and then called in a debt to take them out. He warned a few people.

He grinned at the officer. "Someone I met when I was on Council duty in Africa." They just nodded. "There's probably going to be an agent soon, guys. Thankfully that's a rental car." He put his phone back and took his son back. He grinned at Dawn, who walked off shaking her head. "Have fun. Break someone if you want to."

"Probably." She shot him a wink and a smirk. "I find it fun." She strolled off. An officer tried to stop her. "I'm a simple college student and the one who takes the kids if he falls," she said quietly. "I was meeting my future son. I have no idea about his ex's." They let her go.

Xander pulled out his phone to dial. "It was the rental car, not me," he reported when Giles answered. "I'm fine, he's fine. Dawn's fine. It was Pris's mom's people. Pity about them." He hung up and put the phone back with a grin. An agent was stomping over. "Hey. It was Pris's mom's people," he called with a wave.

"Harris." He stared at him. "You sure?"

"I asked. Then I asked a debt to go make sure and fix it."

"Okay. Not the truck?"

"Rental. I came to introduce him to the one who's going to inherit him."

"That's reasonable." He looked around, spotting Dawn's back, and decided he didn't see her. He looked at Xander, who grinned at that. "Her?"


"Fine. You guys good?"

"It felt weird so I undid the alarm then redid it. It exploded."

He nodded. "All right. Let us handle it?"

"Maybe." He grinned. "We want to inherit. I have to be able to afford two prep schools in the future. His dad would insist."

"Who is his dad?" Xander showed him that same picture, making the agent's eyes go wide. "How?"

"Same lab assholes who made Pris." He grinned. "They had a lot of kids. The agents over there were not amused."

That agent winced but nodded. "I'll let them know that Pris's mother's militia is causing problems."

"Thanks. Tell them we're okay in case someone's spreading rumors."

"I can do that too. Go home?"

"Yeah, somehow. There's a train." He walked off with the agent following him to make sure he got to the train back to Cleveland.

This was going to be a huge mess! Xander never did anything simple.


Xander stood in front of the video conferencing system, cuddling the fussy son. "Sorry, he's a bit whiny today." He looked at the people staring back. "Pris's mother's people decided to be mad that she had an heir. They're all very sorry now. I had a debt go talk to them. Pris needs to inherit things, people."

One of the UK agents who had helped him nodded. "It's good you're all right."

"He was meeting his future mom if I fall."

"Even better," the UK agent said with a grin. "Are they down?"

"Pretty sure, yeah. They should be. If not, I can go make sure of it. Her brother's an idiot. He couldn't even figure out that sometimes payment doesn't come from money."

The agents in the conference sighed but nodded, making notes and looking that one up. "Angleman," one said.

"Yeah, that one." He grinned. "Pris would like some pictures if they have some and someday Giles wants her to go to prep school with him. Which I can do but it'd be nice to have a cushion."

"The UK does not want to know about how you got weapons."

"The UK gave me permission to get the slayers things," Xander quipped, putting his copied version of letter in front of the camera for them to see. The UK agents moaned. Xander grinned. "I could stop but then I'd have to move over full time and take up one of the two estates."

"True," he said. "Which would worry us all."

"Did Dad have that tested?"

"Yes. You were right about which one it was and he's been told." Xander grinned. "So your stepfather is off the hook. Your actual father is really mad."

"Awwww." Xander grinned. "That's sweet of him."

"It's someone you flirted with."

"Of course it was." He nodded. "And that's when I realized so backed away from him."

That agent nodded. "Great."

The US agent looked at the camera. "His father?"

"Someone wanted to test a new street drug so gathered a woman from a pub, some young agents, and released it on them. There were three options for Dad, but Mom ran because whoever had exposed them made her flee. She told me they threatened her to not speak of it. Then she found out she was pregnant when she got to the US and married the shitbag she ran into in a club." The US agent moaned, shaking his head with a sigh. He grinned. "Mom's from a grandfather who liked to debauch."

"Yes, they did agree that it was your title, Harris," the UK agent said dryly. "So you're Lord Xander now."

"Does that go overtop of the knighthood?"

"It's instead of."

"Okay, I'll learn that stuff sometimes. Then the kids can come over with me to go to prep schools. That way they have better careers before Pris decides she does actually want to be the head of the council someday." Both agents nodded at that. "Do I have to do anything about that group? Or anything else I should say."

The UK agent shook his head. "We'll check into it and if there's anything left we'll hand it over."

"Both your groups need to do that with the other ex's stuff."

"Shit," the US agent muttered. "Do we have files?" Xander grinned and sent them over. He read them over with a moan. "I'll see what we can do, Harris. You should benefit for being given away." He hung up.

The UK agent shook his head. "It's a lot of drama."

"I live in a house with ten teenage girls and sixteen in middle school. I live with drama daily."

The agent smiled. "I assume you do. I'll tell your dad you said hi." He hung up and went to do that and make other notes. His people were amused in that bad way about that desire to inherit but did agree any pictures should go to the kid. They still hated Xander.

The the agent in the US sent over the marriage files when he asked. They had half of them. What they now had made a few people have heartburn. Yes, Xander handling that would mean he'd be quiet for a bit unless there was a battle. Or someone hurt the kids.

Which made them wonder why the Devon coven was locked in their houses and almost shielded from view. No one could find any of them. Which made sense if they were scared of Harris retaliating against them for trying the kids, as rumors said they had tried. Xander was not friendly to those who tried his kids. They had proof of that but didn't want to see how bad anything else he had hidden was.




Priscilla walked up to one of her dad's former contacts. "I'm sorry but you seem to have my brother hostage," she said. "Do you want to stop doing that or should I make you?"

The guy laughed. "Your dad would've said the same thing."

"Yes, and then he taught me how to be a real Harris." She blew up the doorway with the guy in it. "There, that's better." She walked in and handed her brother a dagger on her way past him. He used it to get free, then helped his sister whammy the group. They looted and went back to the house, where their dad was still laid up in a bed. He was partially paralyzed and really mad at his body because they had taken Thane. He wanted to go blow them up himself.

Thane leaned into his bedroom. "I'm okay, Dad. They wanted to see if I was as fun as you used to be. They were very upset I have taste that doesn't lean toward arms dealers." He grinned. "But Pris stole a grenade."

"I gave her three, she can put up the extra. You good?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. They had me tied up and nagged me that I didn't flirt." He rolled his eyes. "I did learn taste from the teachers." He walked off. "He said to put the extra grenades back, Pris."

"Of course I did. I don't want them to accidentally blow up my bedroom!" She heard her dad snort but it sounded happier. She went in to hug him and then went to her room to clean up. She came out to go down to scrounge dinner. Thane was a pretty good cook of sandwich stuff. She could microwave with the best of them. Their dad would eat anything, he had proven that a few times.

Pris went to answer the door someone had knocked on then slammed it in their face. "Dad's still in bed. We're not taking worshipers. Or job offers. Dad demanded college," she said patiently as she walked off. "If you're here to flirt with dad, that's fine. Sneak up there." The agent went up to talk to their dad about what had happened.

"Daughter, how did you blow up a guy from their version of the senate?" he called.

"He was in the doorway, Dad."

"Oh. I thought they were arms dealers."

"I have no idea but they were shitty at flirting," Thane called up the stairs. "So damn pathetic at it."

The agent came down to look at him. "They're part of a radical group inside the government."

"That proved why they sucked then," Thane said dryly. "The professors made sure I had taste and tact. I don't go for dirty things the same way Dad does."

"Good! It means less work for me and your grandfather." He went back up to talk to Xander, who rolled his eyes.

Priscilla went to answer the door, staring at the man standing there. "Huh. Thane, it's probably your dad. Or someone who looks a lot like you."

Thane came out, staring at the other man. "Well, we finally meet."

"I was rather incarcerated," he said dryly, coming in and closing the door. "Are you all right?"

"Pris rescued me and blew some up. There's an agent talking to Dad about their dirty little group of morons with wants. Including wanting me." His father smiled. "We...I'm feeling weirdly mushy."

"As am I. I haven't seen you since the night he pulled me onto the astral plane to name you."

"That's kind of weird." His father smirked but nodded. "We're making dinner. Want a sandwich?"

"I can eat with you two. That way your sister can be overprotective. She's said to be a bear about your protection."

"Yeah, sometimes," she admitted but grinned. "Not like I expect you to pounce him."

"No, I have no interest in that." He followed them to the kitchen. He could talk to his son, get to know him, and then he'd talk with Xander about all this. They had to come to an agreement about their mutual son's life and future. Though Xander was making happy noises so he could wait until the agent was exhausted.

Pris looked up the stairs. "If you make Dad pregnant, we're going to make sure you can't leave him with the baby," she yelled. "You and Thane's dad both can stay and become family." She looked at him then smiled. "Can't you?"

"I do have my own household."

"Suck it up, Stepdad." She smiled sweetly. "Before we have to take out the next ones who want us ourselves. They do tend to be nasty little cretins." She strolled off.

Thane shook his head with a sigh. "She's so fussy sometimes."

"I think that's the purpose of a sister." The boy looked at him. He smiled. "It probably is."

"Probably." He made himself another sandwich and handed one to Pris to take up to their dad. She left it out of sight of the agent guy but knew her father had realized she had dropped something off. Not all agents were Special agents. That one was but special in a different way with them.

The End.
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