More Xander Convention Stuff Happens.
All four GHS Xanders were on the convention realm. Safely there because they had been about to be kidnaped again and no one wanted to deal with that so they had been shoved over there to protect them. Wade had been especially pissed off about the one coming for his boss this time, especially since August had laughed at him about that one coming back again.
August was a lot more calm these days about the absurdity they went through daily. He usually took out all the frustration on his girlfriend and she thanked Xander regularly for that. She had even sent him candies the last time he had made August frustrated by going shopping for a costume event.
Miami Xander looked around. "Is anyone else bored at home?" They all nodded. "We need to do something weird."
"We've figured out most of the mysteries of the universe but one," Xander Winchester said with a slight shrug. The others stared at him. "There's three Xanders that turn any food they touch poisonous. We're great at it, and the rest of us can cook. Why can't they and what makes things they touch poisonous without reason?"
The others considered it then nodded. "We should," Miami Xander agreed. The others nodded, going to find them so they could test that problem. Those Xanders were mostly bored so came to have some fun with their counterparts.
Xander Winchester grabbed Xander Snape from his house too, seeing the horrified looks from his Dawn and two other students. "We're figuring out a problem of the universe."
Xander Snape grinned at him. "Which ones? The right conditioner so you don't get knots? I've been working on one but I think it takes Hippogriff snot."
"Gross," Xander Winchester said, frowning some. "Really?"
"It works well to strengthen it once it's broken down by the sour moss." He shrugged. "Which question of the universe are we probing?"
"Why those few Xanders cannot cook anything without it being poisonous."
"There are?" Xander asked. Then hummed. "That's weird. Is it magical?"
"No one's sure. All three of them in that universe do it. Dom Xander and his alternate selves."
"Huh. I didn't know that. Sure, let's go see what they're doing." He looked at his students. "You guys read something and goof off. It could take me a few days."
Dawn gave him an odd look. "How are there two of you?" she asked patiently. "I've got to freak out Uncle Greggy and everyone with you being twins."
"She didn't know about the hammer incident?" Xander Winchester quipped.
"No, apparently not." He grinned. "Go ahead and tell them I'm at the convention of Xanders. We hold it yearly. This one is a young but hormoned Xander that draws everything from evil mailmen to demons to kidnap him as a concubine. There's four of them but I'm the only potions master among us."
"I'm not sure if you could call Xander Weasley one or not," Xander Winchester admitted, considering it. "He does use them to help his spouse with the joke shop's inventory. But I think he specializes in defense since he teaches it."
Dawn pulled over paper to make notes while Harry choked on his air. "I'm *so* going to tell Uncle Greggy and Uncle Speed about this to spread this chaos around." Xander Winchester disappeared to grab something then came back to hand her the manual. She looked. "Oh, on all of you. How many are there?" She looked up.
"Over three hundred," Xander Winchester said with a grin. "Though we do see one of you now and then. She's older, has kids. Is married to an Avenger or two." Dawn just blinked at that. He grinned at his other self and they left together. "Have fun with that chaos inducing manual."
Harry took the book to look at. "Oh, there is." He showed her the pictures of that Dawn. "She has a big family."
Dawn took it to look at, then just nodded. "Wow. She had a lot of kids. I'm *so* not doing that." Harry patted her on the back but was grinning. "High powered job, six kids total with the triplets, part time superhero. Fashionable, flirty, yeah, so not me."
"You could be if you wanted to be," Harry offered.
She stared at him. "No I can't!"
"You could. You can be fashionable and if you wanted to go for whatever sort of job that was I'm sure Xander would be supportive."
She gave him an odd look. "If we have Tony damn it Stark in this realm, I'd be shocked. The only guys we have here who run around in spandex are in comic books. Or pro wrestling."
Harry shook his head quickly. "I guess." He looked at Draco, who still looked very confused. "There's a Xander that married a Weasley?"
She looked and found it. "Yeah, and there you are too. You and Draco both." She let them see it.
Draco shuddered when he found mention of his children. "That thing must be a cursed artifact," he complained. "Because that's obviously a hell realm to live in."
"I flipped past one where you're Xander's mate and he's a cursebreaker," Dawn offered. Draco heaved at that. "You, Harry, and Ron are his apprentices but I'm dating Ron there for some unknown reason."
"That's cursed and we should have the bank confiscate it to hand to a cursebreaker," Draco said firmly, getting up to call someone.
"It's barely magical and it's only causing mental harm from the thoughts of those other realms," Dawn pointed out impatiently. "It's not evil by itself. It's even got an apology warning for all agencies reading it having a day of hangovers from getting drunk."
"It's still a damned artifact," Draco said, calling his family's banker through the floo. "Alexander Snape just got given an artifact that's causing mental harm."
"It's a listing of the other Xanders at the annual convention and what they've handled. Probably so if it happens here we can go 'and here's the idea that worked'," Dawn added with a smile and a wave. "It's only causing mental distress because of who we are in those other realms or realities."
The goblin came through to look at the artifact. "That's very interesting. Why would they do this?"
"They apparently hold an annual convention to go over problems, hang out with other Xanders who need support, all that. Today they're figuring out why at least one Xander cannot cook and everything he touches is poisonous."
The goblin nodded once. "We'll examine it and hand it back if it's nothing too bad. It's a charming idea." He took it back to read through, calling the bank's board down to go over with him. It may give them clues on how to handle things in the future. Though they weren't sure they'd ever need to crossbreed people into gryphons to get that style of magic. Or use some of the other's ideas.
Or at least they hoped not.
The ones on Alexander Dumass did give them some ideas that they may have to deal with for cursebreakers. It also made them start to see if they were missing magical beings for schooling, just in case it made another cursebreaker Flack.
By that night they gave it back to the children. Then they went to make plots to make sure none of that happened here. That D&D spell was horrific. A wonderful idea to open magic up further but horrific with all the extra work their people would have.
Their researchers started scrying spells to see in those realms to see what really transpired so they could stop it here. It was deemed a dark artifact but not a cursed one.
***
Dawn took the book to video call the extended family. Giles and House on the same call got a dirty look from House but she showed the book to the camera then opened it to the index page of Xanders. "He's off at the Xander convention seeing why one of them can't cook and is poisonous."
"If he finds a new one, let me know," House said dryly. "What is that?"
"The Xander Problem Manual. What the other Xanders have went through. Including an invasion of LA by Wolfram and Hart, multiple hundred slayers being called into service by Willow to fight the First Evil. Me being a part-time superhero in one realm, with six kids." Giles spluttered. "One of him capturing the Powers That Be in a pretty urn and handing it to a group of demons to protect. Some of the kids of the Devon Coven creating a spell to turn this world into a D&D realm. Complete with elves and dragons."
House disappeared from the camera and appeared in the living room a minute later, taking the book to look at. "Fuck, that's breaking laws of nature."
"They hold it on another realm," Dawn quipped with a smile for him. "The one that showed up has some sort of hormone problem that draws demons and mailmen to capture him as a concubine. He's in there too, in four forms."
House frowned at her but found it easily enough. He shuddered at the very idea. "Damn it."
"Draco turned it in as a cursed artifact but the bank said it's just dark, not cursed."
House stared at her then nodded. "It's brain trauma inducing but not really magically cursed." He kept flipping and paused at one, then sighed and went on. "Damn it. How would you even cross a gryphon into humanity?"
"My sex ed talk with Anya was not that complete," Dawn quipped with a grin for him. "I'm betting they're using it as a warning and a problem solving device though."
"Probably," House agreed. "There's a lot where there's a ton of slayers activated to fight the First Evil, capitalized thank you." Giles shuddered again. "And one where my nephew became president of the US?" Giles choked and spluttered hard at that. Willow complained that he had gotten it on her computer from the background. "Well, someone had drugs in that realm," he said cheerfully.
"Glad it's not here." He took it with him to go over. Maybe he'd find out how to cure some things around the hospital. Though he did find a few about James and ran to get him for a scan he forced him into. People were pressing against the wall to get out of his way.
He even bumped a patient to get him into the MRI immediately. The radiology staff complained but oh well! Yup, the tumor was barely starting. It could be treated at this stage. James Wilson was not going to die soon of that! James came in to look at his own scans and groaned.
"You're getting it fixed," House ordered. "Starting tonight." He walked him off to have him admitted and get one of James' oncology brethren to start treatments. They jumped when House summoned them over Wilson being sick. Mostly because they didn't want hit with the cane.
House stood there with his arms crossed over his chest while they went over treatments and started an IV of one during that talk. They could all avoid House for a few days until things looked more sane. House got the book and came down to read it beside James' bedside to show him what he saw so he'd have to rest the headache.
He'd tell his other nephew and idiot brother later. Even if it would mean his brother got so drunk he broke out in song and happy moods again.
***
That night, Draco reappeared back at the school. "My tutor disappeared onto the realm where he attends a convention of multiple versions of himself. I waited but he didn't come back yet."
"What?" Snape demanded.
"Apparently they hold a convention yearly of different Xanders from across the realms. They made an artifact to help each other by way of a book that shows the major things in their lives and how they solved them. Which your brother has currently. Dawn told him." Snape blinked a few times. "I nearly stayed over to get outrageously drunk but thankfully this realm my father wouldn't be selling me to a cursebreaker version of him as he had no intention of attacking Harris' grandson Potter."
Snape opened his mouth. "Ask Dawn," he said with a hand wave and then rubbed his head. "I have an atrocious headache and a need to get drunk." He walked off to go do that. "Please don't tell my father. It may give him ideas. We'd all hate it when cursing him for it got the family worse attention." He walked into the Slytherin house and went right for the liquor stash. His poor other selves. Even if one did create little homoculous beings of Xander to be their helpers.
Snape went to floo his brother to see what his student had been on about but he didn't answer. So he went to visit Dawn to find out. She told him about it and what had creeped out Draco that much. Snape went back to the school and did indeed get drunk. He sent a note to the Headmaster to cancel his classes the next day, and maybe the day afterwards as well.
***
In Miami, Speed heard from Dawn about his half-brother's special book and his parts in the other realms via text message. He called his uncle to see what he was on this time. "Too much vicodin?" he asked dryly in greeting. House read him a part. "Excuse me? I became a White Lighter?" he demanded. House read the other parts and he shuddered. "Oh, Gods, I'm going to be sick." He hung up and went to bury that knowledge. Those poor other hims. He should try to save them but it may already be too late.
***
An older Xander who used a cane came out of the portal to look at Dawn. "I'm checking on you for your guardian," he quipped. "How you doin', squirt?"
She blinked at him. "I'm okay. Am I in your realm?"
"Nope. Never came into being." He grinned. "Though I'm sure you would've done kick ass in my classes." He handed over two books. "For your Harry."
"We defeated Voldemort."
"Congrats! You didn't even have to destroy part of the school! I was way impressed." He grinned. "He could still use those." He patted her on the head. "I teach demonology and you can learn them too, Dawn." He went back there. "If the twins ask, mine may share but he's stingy today because I didn't sex him up in the nest last night."
"I'll let them know." She looked through the books then sent them to Harry via owl mail with that note attached to the front. "I guess he's spreading chaos. I wonder if he's devoted to a chaos god too." She sipped her apple juice while she considered that. All Xanders were beings of chaos. Some just did it better than others.
***
Harry got the books and note, groaning at it. "Gee, thanks," he muttered, tucking the note inside it. He looked at people staring at him oddly. "Xander, another Xander, not Snape's son, showed up with books for me on the demonology class he teaches at his Hogwarts." Hermione whined at that idea. "He sent the textbooks for that and Tara's classes." She slumped, taking them to look at. She spotted the note, looking confused. "He's married to one of the twins."
The twins stared down at him oddly. "Excuse..."
"Us?" they said together.
Harry grinned and waved. "There's a Xander in another realm that ours was helping yesterday. Then this one dropped off his textbooks in case I needed it. Dawn's note said he said his mate might share ideas with you but they hadn't had relations in the nest the night before so he was a bit grumpy."
The twins came to get the note to stare at. Then they went to floo Dawn to check on that. They could ask about that at least. It may give them good ideas for their upcoming joke shop. Dawn called over that portal to get that Xander to come talk to them. They were highly amused at the older Xander who limped.
He brought them three impossible things they'll never be able to figure out as it wasn't their form of magic and one thing that the twins had developed their first year to prank Draco for giving them a niece. That thought made them horrified but pranks were wonderful.
They snuck off to go over them and see if they could figure out what they did, how they worked, and how to make them here. They'd be found when they missed classes for a week straight to do that but they could figure out the first year one already. And it was a beautiful thing.
***
Xander Snape felt the summons starting and frowned. "What do they want now?" he muttered. The others stared at him. "Wizengamot summoning."
"We can go," Xander Weasley said with a smirk. The others nodded, going with him. They all appeared there and horrified the members. "Hey!" He smiled and waved. "We were busy unraveling a mystery of the universe. Is it important?" He stared at one. "You were Minister in my time," he said. "And I liked that guy. He was fair and not as big of an asshole as the others. We almost miss him where he was being poisoned." That one choked on his drink of tea.
"Who're you?" one asked.
He grinned. "I'm Professor Alexander Harris-Weasley. Mate to George in my realm. Father of some really great kids and Defense Against the Dark Arts, alternative track teacher."
"We have an alternative track?" Dumbledore asked.
"Yes. Started before you died and became the ghostly headmaster for eternity." He smirked a bit. "I teach demonology and Tara teaches Wicca and other magical forms. We had a few others but they've left. For seniors I teach an auror prep course for those who want to go to the academy."
The minister was spluttering. "Why would you?" he demanded.
"Because mine are some of the best trained aurors we have," he said dryly then smirked a bit. "Some of mine are now training at the academy." Minister Fudge shuddered at that idea. "My kids are great students. My kids are great kids too. I have one in the Royal Academy. Potions master." He grinned.
Dumbledore cleared his throat. "Why are there so many of you?"
"We were working together on something. We needed the local one's help with the potions stuff to see why one of us turns food poisonous when he's not trying to."
"I see." Dumbledore nodded. "Is that your book going around?"
"The problem manual? We made it for the convention so we could see what and how we handled incidences. That way we can maybe stop some before they happen and if not, we're aware it's going to happen and can stop it easier and faster." He shrugged. "It's been very helpful. I had no idea how to handle a cursed artifact that came into my school but I read about it in the manual and handled it before we could get someone up to confine it. Soul holding gems."
Dumbledore nodded at that. "I died?"
"Of a heart attack. Your time ran out and you died in your office. We had a nice memorial service. You spent about a month off with the ghosts of Salazar and Gryffindor, then came back to be the permanent headmaster." Dumbledore blinked a few times. "We found out that McGonagall had been cursed a few too many times and the last one had made her attack my family for no reason.
"She tried to hurt my kid so we had her checked. Since she's known Ignatius since he was born and was fond of him, we figured something was wrong. Turns out the curse damage couldn't be cured and it was because of all the other curses on her over the years. Including memory charms and the like."
"I see. I'll have her checked for that later tonight."
"Please do. We hated to see the old dear retire to be a tutor but she seems to enjoy it. It means she gets to laugh at the chaos instead of handling it." He looked at the obvious Malfoy. "Thankfully your son did so much in my realm to help humanity." He grinned. "And gave it some kick ass kids too. His first daughter's one hell of a beater, playing pro probably. She scares professional players." He smirked. "He's got one that's looking like a seeker to brag about since she's the petting, cooing, snitch goddess."
"My son?" Lucius said dryly.
"Yes, your son." He nodded with a smirk. "Very strong young man. Bit sad sometimes but loves his family and kids."
"We have children? Not just an heir?"
"No, you're dead there and I made sure of it when you tortured a gryphon," he said smugly with a smirk of evil for the idiot. "Your son is one hell of a kid and fighter. He's done great things for the family and its name." He scratched behind his ear. "He's teaching ethics at Hogwarts and deals with alternative magical principles as a researcher."
Lucius blinked a few times. "He does?" he said flatly. Xander grinned and nodded. "Why?"
"He wanted to."
"I see. I'll have to see if my son would like to consider that."
"Your son can't use natural magics," Xander Snape said. "I checked to see when I started tutoring him because my given daughter does. She offered to show him the meditations if he had any sort of gift in it."
"That's kind of you, Snape," he said, staring at him. "Are you an alchemist? I've heard rumors."
Xander grinned. "I'd never talk about my workings in public, especially where it'd be recorded. I retired from having to defend people from evil." That got a simple nod. "Though I do have a book on it around the house and Draco has picked it up to flip through once. Though it's on the healing elixir and what happens if it's not correct, which is a really nasty poison in some cases. He may go towards alchemy. Not sure." He shrugged. "He's got a good hand for it."
Lucius nodded once. "I'll see if that interests him for his later studies."
"Iggy nearly went to Braun," Xander Weasley said happily. "But he was beyond their teachings at fourteen. But it seemed like a really great program and had an early admittance summer thing for students. Draco might do good in that."
"He may," Lucius agreed. He cleared his throat. "What did happen to your world that was not in ours?"
Xander Harris-Weasley smiled. "I used a decreation spell to end Voldemort for good in the entryway of the school when he invaded." Everyone paused and stared at him. He nodded. "It worked." Dumbledore moaned and held his head. "Yes, I fixed all the damage, Albus. Got it done before my wedding to George on the side lawn too."
He smiled again. Dumbledore was nearly crying at that. Xander looked around then whistled. Murphy came down. "I knew you came with us. I don't want to accidentally leave you here. Dawn will pet you until you shed." He petted his phoenix. "The new herd of chicks think you're a great grandfather to them too, Albus." Dumbledore was about to cry. He really was.
Xander Snape looked back at them. "Murphy, can I please bum a few tail feathers later please? It's for a Midnight potion."
"Do not attempt that," Lucius ordered. "It will bring a cursed phoenix here."
"Actually it'll bring Midnight here and they can recall the Sunrise phoenix together so we have more balance," Xander said dryly. "We found that out when one of us who's a redemption kid did it. It could help with the balance of magic in the world."
Lucius blinked. "Redemption children?"
"Well, yeah." He grinned. "We do give hope." Xander Snape smirked a bit. "I give hope in my own way. They give hope in their own way. We lighten up bad times, we fight the dark, all that stuff." He shrugged but kept smirking. "We're just like that, Mr. Malfoy."
He cleared his throat. "I can see that point." He sat down again. Now he wanted to cry. That one was one upsetting young man. "Are the others magical?"
"We have some, just not your type," Xander with the hair said. "I'm a high priest to a few of the Greek Gods." He grinned at the groaning. "My counterparts are as well." He waved a hand at them. "Then we have the know-it-all of the universe, Alexander Dumass. He's a booknerd cursebreaker."
He waved a hand at him, getting a courtly bow and an evil smirk back. "He's found the gateway that led to finding some of us who were taken by some ancient idiot race of beings." He looked around. "Hey, house elf?" One appeared, staring up at him oddly. "Do you guys know about the ones in dog armor too or did they not happen here?"
"What one knows we all knows," he said. "They gone and can't come back. We have no gate. We made sure."
"That's great of you guys." He grinned and patted him on the head. "Thank you for sparing the local me work, sir."
"Welcome, sir." He left again looking pleased.
Dumass nodded. "I think they'd like that. I'll have to tell Jack that." He grinned at the others, who nodded. Then he took Murphy to pet. "Can I cuddle?" Murphy cheeped and let him cuddle him for now. "Thanks, big guy. We need a few more of you on my realm too."
"We have chicks who may relocate," Xander Weasley offered with a smile. "We had nineteen eggs last time from three moms. We've got a herd of phoenix chicks who're bored and looking for someone nice to bond with. I'll see if any want to try your realm." He petted his bird's head.
"You should ask the chicks if they want to go help him be a cursebreaker or see if they want to go to visit his world to find a human." Murphy cheeped at that and nodded a bit, staring at that Xander to read his thoughts on that. He purred at what he found. They had many for his spoiled chicks. Dumass went back to petting him.
"Professor Snape," Dumbledore said.
"No, I'm a Harris-Weasley. Only this one is a Snape by birth. Well, no, we have another one. He's just recovering from what his Willow did to him. And one that's dating Severus so he could be one by marriage some day." He shrugged but smiled. "Most of us are Harrises still. I just hyphenated after the wedding."
Dumbledore blinked a few times. "I see. Where is your family?"
"Hopefully at home in our tower at the school. It's the summer break for us." He smirked a bit. "Iggy's got his nose in a book. Again. Simone's out doing flying practice with Denver and their cousin Melvin. Ronnie and Agatha are probably arguing about something, again.
"Ronnie's probably got his snitch in hand while doing it. He usually does. The other Malfoy kids are probably sunbathing or shopping this week with the tinier kids because they all needed new clothes again. Growth spurts suck sometimes. Iggy's about to hit one too." He shrugged but smiled. "It's our summer break. They're hopefully doing something fun for a change. Iggy's too serious at times."
"Who are the other children?" Dumbledore asked.
"Well, Melvin is Percy's son." He shifted his weight. "Ronnie and Agatha are Harry's kids. Iggy's still mine." He smiled. "Simone is Draco's oldest. Denver's her half-brother thanks to a scheming mother." Lucius winced at that. "He was depressed. Kids are great cures to it."
"Who did my son in your world have a child with?" Lucius demanded coolly.
Xander smirked at him. "Ask him yourself. You can probably figure out how to scry. I won't spoil that surprise for him if he decides to go that way here." He looked at the others. "Did you guys need our other self for more?"
"No," Dumbledore admitted quietly. "Were the children raised in the school?"
"Yeah and Tara's was born in the school. Adrian's looking a lot like a librarian in the future."
"There's a prophecy about that and the Founders being reunited," Dumbledore said, staring at him.
Xander grinned and nodded. "Yes, that's how you became a headmaster for eternity." Dumbledore slumped but nodded once at that. "But you do get to have a lot of fun watching the kids grow up. And playing with the phoenix chicks, mostly to keep them from stealing shiny things from the students."
"I'm sure I will," he agreed with a nod. He transfigured his tea into something stronger and took a sip. "I think that book you all work from to prepare for incidences should probably be locked up perhaps?"
"Why? This way people are warned in case a law firm for demons in LA has that city invaded," Xander Snape said. "Or someone does a spell to make this realm more magical by creating a D&D universe." One of the people in the back row moaned at that. "It did, but it did lead to true elves in some places and a lot of dragons on a realm that wasn't ready for them."
He looked at Dumbledore again. "We let it be spread around so others can use it to stop things before we have to stop them. It saves me a ton of energy yearly to not have to go work against bigger problems. Plus we get to see how some people react to the news that their lives could've been vastly different. And maybe freak out a few because they're scared of us."
"I can see that use but it's disturbing to some of us."
"Well, yeah, but at least none of you sold your son to someone who claimed right of reparation for attacking his family," Dumass said smugly, staring at Lucius, who turned pale. "Which meant he enacted the apocalypse plans through the bank because he wouldn't be having an heir."
Lucius nodded once. "Thank you for that warning, Harris."
"Dumass actually. We're cursebreakers." He smirked. "So's your son. He's very good at it."
"Yes, he may like some of the more archaic work," he decided, nodding a bit. "I've got see which path he has plans for." The Xanders left together, leaving one dropped feather. Lucius got up and walked off. "I need to check on my son's future plans. Excuse me for a bit." He went to pull his drunken son out of school to make sure he wasn't having ideas. Though Draco did know who the children had been conceived with and it did horrify him. Greatly.
Draco even figured out how to scry them and that son did him proud but he was so wrong for a Malfoy. And his grandchildren were playing sports. He only had one proper heir of the group and Anastasia was a female. He nearly cried at that but he did talk to Draco about Braun and his potion ideas. His son had an idea but he wasn't firm on it yet so he could nudge him in a proper direction. Before he had a Malfoy-Weasley grandchild.
Later that night, Lucius was laying out an appropriate future for his son. Or possible ones. "As long as none of my heirs are named Weasley in any means," he finished with a huff at that very thought.
"Father, don't make me vomit up the alcohol I've numbed that knowledge with," Draco said patiently. "I really do think it's best I don't dwell in that one's life. I can't see myself with five children."
"I think one is plenty," Lucius agreed. Then shuddered. "Though he does deal with alternative styles of magic."
"Then I'm sure his life is full of interesting things and dangers as that's dangerous to do. That is not my future however." Lucius relaxed at that. "Neither is cursebreaking. It's a lot of long hours doing dusty, dirty, backbreaking work for very little gain and no knowledge of what you've done by others." He took a sip of his wine spritzer then stared at his father again.
"I believe I can possibly become a barrister or even a Ministry person like you are. I'll gladly keep potions work on the side as the dangerous side effects could render me infertile. Or worse, a blond pile of sludge. Or pregnant if some of the stories Snape's told about his years were true." He took another drink, staring at his father.
"Potions take a delicate, persnickety nature. I'm particular about some things but not that on that topic. I also don't want to be paranoid if I get alchemy to work." He finished that glass and refilled it from the pitcher the house elf put next to him when he took his last sip. "I can definitely do the work to become a barrister. Or a Ministry official, Father. But please do not marry me off to Pansy or one of the girls in the house."
Lucius stared at him. "You're marrying Greengrass."
"She's nice enough but she doesn't like me that much. We wouldn't have a good relationship and our heir would come out damaged because of our intolerance of each other. Or there'd be a divorce. Which may help my future heir be more normal." He stared at him. "We're also third cousins, Father. Find someone from overseas?" He sipped his drink while staring at him.
Lucius stared at him then huffed. "I'll have Narcissa look. Your mother and I felt the same way about each other."
"Yes, I'm aware." Lucius glared. Draco shrugged. "That's why you have an heir and not children. To be honest, children get spoiled with attention and affection, not things, Father. I'm well aware that I get things." He stood up. "Which is why I'd rather have a child someday with someone I could stand to live in the same house with." He took his wine with him.
Lucius stared at his back. "The truths of alcohol," he complained quietly. He did go to Narcissa's wing of the house to talk to her about such demands. She had seen what they had scried and retired with a headache at the thought of those very boyish granddaughters. She agreed, she gave Draco things, not affections. He did the same thing. They would hope for better with his future heir but they had to pick someone different than Astoria Greengrass. Third cousins was too close.
***
That night, after a few people sobered up, Dumbledore quit sobbing about his beloved school and becoming an eternal headmaster, and the others finished their headaches, the Ministry met to go over what ideas were in the book that they could stop. Because they had to stop it before they had another group of Xanders there to solve problems for them.
The one that had helped with Voldemort was bad enough and the aurors hated him for being the way he was. They didn't want more of them who were even worse. Though the scrying idea was looked at but no one knew how to do that. They'd have to ask some older professors if they remembered the old ways of doing things.
***
Dawn leaned out of the portal, smiling at herself. "Awww." Dawn's head popped up and she blinked at her. "Hey." She waved. "Wanna freak out Harry and others? I love picking on mine. Especially about the Harry hunting gangs of girls in the school who keep trying to kidnap and torment him into taking them in." She tossed over a package with a wink. "From our realm. Written by someone in the twin's year we think." She smiled. "And if you want to learn cursebreaking, come ask our Xander?"
"I can do that but I don't do wanded magic."
"Which is really handy sometimes in some tombs, little me. Really it is." She smirked a bit. "It netted me a few cursed rubies last year when I confused a few statues that held former gods." She shrugged. "They thought Ron was just there to be pretty and he's not."
"Pretty or just there?" Dawn quipped back.
"Either really."
"Oi!" Ron called. "Just for that, no sex tonight, Dawn."
"Yeah, right," she snorted. "I have two hands, Ron. I can have sex without you and it's usually great." She looked at her younger self again with a smug look. "Sometimes, fiancees aren't all it's cracked up to be. I can get the dragons to snuggle instead." She winked and left.
Dawn nodded at that knowledge, looking at the books. "Oh, dear. He's going to shit something huge." She looked up. "Hey, Dobby?" she called quietly. The house elf appeared. "Someone in another realm wrote about Harry's life." She held up a book. "Can you give them to him quietly? Please?"
"Dobby can do that." He took the package and left to hide them in his trunk. He didn't want to see the Great Harry Potter so upset if others saw them.
Dawn went to her room to consider some options for her future after high school. She had seemed to do a good job as an assistant and life running sort in that one world. The other Dawn had seemed okay and like she liked cursebreaking. She'd have to see what that needed to see if it was a possible future career path for her.
Though she didn't want to date Ron. Draco maybe, but not Ron. She shook herself over that thought. Ron was a bit...crude. She had manners most of the time and she'd expect her boyfriend to have the same. Ron's mother had missed a few steps in his obedience and leash training.
***
The youngest of the three poisonous Xanders pouted. "I hate that I'm so young sometimes. You guys have had a lot more experience with everything."
Xander Winchester looked at him. "I was deaged and it sucked ass. You don't know why you're suddenly small but most of the old ideas are still there in the background."
"Some have had full memories," Xander Snape added.
"So even more screwed up because you don't know what happened at first but you realize you're young, vulnerable, and can't do things on your own anymore. Needing help with pants zippers was very embarrassing." The others all gave him a hug. "I hate that some of us got deaged and are growing up normal. It's nice they're getting *normal* but still, pretty weird for them." The others nodded that probably was.
"How did you handle having the hormones when you were that young?" Xander Snape asked.
"Playing. A lot of playing. I was wearing a bracelet to leech off my hormones too. It barely kept it down." He grimaced. "I tried not to give them too much hell. Most of the time," he admitted, grinning slightly. "Though there were days I knew I wasn't supposed to be there and they all proved it. We worked it out though." He shrugged a bit. "I hate it for the tinier us's that are growing up in other places to normal parents. Even if they don't know, the parents are going to seem weird to them."
"We should let them hang out together sometimes," Lavelle said as he walked through there. "Probably in Daddy Xander's world. That way the team can have some commiseration." He tipped his head then grinned. "We can do that tonight. Their parents would probably adore the babysitting. I know I would have with my hellions of stupid."
He hummed, going to gather all those kids. In two cases he had to slightly kidnap them but the kids knew he wouldn't hurt them. Their parents might worry. Okay, would worry, but they'd deal with it! Like anyone learning about the convention, they'd have a headache, drink a bit, then move to groaning about it.
He ushered the kids back through the convention realm to the one in Hawaii. "Hey," he said as he appeared. The tiny commandos all stared at him oddly. He grinned. "I bring you a few who understand what you're doing *real* well." He hugged the version of himself. "Most of our deaged ones."
"Awww. Hey, little Us's." He grinned and waved. "The kids have the same condition, but Willow did it because she wanted kids." The mini Xanders came over to hang out with them. They clearly understood things that were creeping them out. Daddy Xander and Lavelle had a homemade beer and let them hang out.
When his cousin Danny came over, he paused then groaned. Daddy Xander grinned at him. "They're deaged us. They understand the problems the kids have and it's nice to know people who are going through the same things. That's why we have the convention." He took another sip.
Danny looked at the kids then nodded. "That's gotta be really weird. It's great you guys can help each other with that stuff." He looked at Lavelle. "Please don't do anything while you're here. It's our slow week of the year and we'd all like to catch up on our paperwork before we have to shoot our way out of another restaurant."
"Not a problem." He waved his beer bottle around with a smile. "I'm avoiding my kids being dumbasses. Absolute and total dumbasses. For thieves, they're not very stealthy. Arsene actually went to host a drag show for a friend. A benefit for the officers that wanted to capture her. With the others in the audience and in the open."
Danny groaned at that, shifting his weight around. "Yeah. At least they didn't get captured but Ishi was very blunt that it was their downtime, they were enjoying Arsene, and they could all benefit from the happier moments. They decided to wait to arrest him once they got out of the show. Thankfully Melissa thought ahead and had a rescue kit with her so she had smoke grenades that knocked them out. Then she donated their wallets to the pot." He took another drink.
"I'm glad none of my kids have that sort of career plans," Daddy Xander quipped. "Or Gracie."
"I'd paddle her so damn fast," Danny assured him. "She'd never think about it again." He left them to do Xander things. And watch the kids. Five little Xanders and five little commandos would mean thirty times the hell could happen if they didn't watch them carefully. Or worse if they had *ideas*. He did send a text message warning Steve and Hannibal, then one to Dawn in case they weren't together like usual.
Hannibal's back said he was not going over there, he was creeped out by the very thought of miniature Xanders. Dawn said she'd listen for magical things happening but otherwise Xander could handle it. Steve's back had to be translated because he had his phone set on Chinese again for some reason. The remarks that got translated probably weren't fit to be printed in english if those kids could read them.
***
Danny walked into the office with something to nibble on, flipping to a page in the problem manual they had confiscated from Xander to go over, and had yet to give back. "The miniaturized ones are having their own convention while Lavelle complains his kids are dumbasses and our Xander looks on happily." He smirked at the cousins, who looked upset at that fact. "There's eight total that're younger but only five for this one." He walked off. "Anyone taking bets yet about the problems they'll create?"
"Cuz, no," Kono said bluntly. "Because Xander won't let them. He's a dad, he's got that. Lavelle's a dad, I guess, and has it. They'll be there chilling out and having a barbeque later." She hoped. She really did hope.
Otherwise, that was too much for her delicate mind to handle and she'd have to go on a long vacation.
Though, a vacation sounded like a nice idea right now. Somewhere without the magical problems they had since there was a dragon staring lovingly at her that had tried to kidnap her from her morning surfing.
Danny grinned. "I'm wondering if the ones with hormones can draw the dragons to a certain area so we can contain them better." He sent that message to Xander, who said they'd try it. Danny did alert people that they'd be trying it soon. That way no one panicked the way they did when the dragons tried to gather most of the girls at the debutante ball earlier that year. Or the cheerleading competition.
The message he got back said they'd ask one to try. All of them would be squealy to pet a real dragon. Though one actually had a pet dragon.... Danny tipped his head to the side, then hummed. "One of the hormoned ones has a pet dragon from another realm. Huh. Hubert the baby dragon. Oh, and we have pictures." He showed them, earning dual moans of pain. "But one'll try it tonight."
"We can go watch and not interfere unless we have to shoot the dragons," Kono sighed.
Danny looked at her. "These are the ones with the super high hormones that draw everyone."
"I can ignore that."
"Okay, if you want." He grinned. She'd learn. He had learned, she'd learn. If they had to, Steve could keep her from kidnaping one of them to share with her husband. Or her cousin maybe.
***
Lavelle looked at the cursebreaker version of him, which was wavering. "We have a new world splitting off," he announced. They came over to support him, including Draco since he was attending this time. They got Dumass stabilized. "How did you get split?" Lavelle asked, staring at him.
"Dumbles didn't get to hold the reunion. The Ministry denied it." Lavelle blinked a few times. "Though a lot wasn't much different." He looked at Draco. "That you and I were with Hermione."
He stared at him oddly. "Why?"
"You two are a lot alike. She's not chasing after Philip there. We keep her very happy. She's pre-med at UCLA and you're doing Estate management things there."
Draco nodded slowly. "That'd be weird. The three of us?"
"You two started to talk in the family library. The war went differently but some things were the same. Greg ended up with Emilia. I encouraged Tipsy to hit on the twins and they're having twins. Emilia's having Cassy." Draco settled in his lap to cuddle him.
He looked at one set of siblings, who had shown up together because they had been handcuffed by Hill to stay out of trouble. "You guys got mentioned but I'm pretty sure it's an alternate version of you two. You got sent off. Hermione had been watching that mirror of MPREG."
Draco grimaced. "That thing is twisted. Very twisted."
"She wasn't wanting to study so she was watching it and found that world where she and Malfoy were together, but they had to fight to have kids." He frowned. "Ron got jealous and sent off their new twins, Darcy and Alexander, to another world. She was hexing Ron into oblivion when Harry got there to stop her and gave Ron a merciful headshot. They couldn't get the kids back from there."
"So in one world we're siblings, but I'm actually Darcy Malfoy and he's Xander Malfoy?"
"Yes. You're a lot like Hermione though. That's so weird."
"Yeah, it is." She nodded with a grin, looking at her little brother then at him again. "We're not twins."
"I know. Still, some coincidences." She nodded. "I have to look at that world." Draco kissed him to take his mind off that. He could go over that idea later. Though Draco would distract him again each time he tried to consider it. It was nice of a higher power to keep him from being concerned about that. It didn't stop Godly Xander from having heard or wondering but Phil could help him with that problem.
The rest got called to the convention, and Forger skipped in looking amused. "There's a second president us!" he announced. Everyone stared at him. President him came in to stare him down. "We had to evacuate for a few minutes thanks to a witchpolocalypse. We ended up with another president you. But he's in a DC comics world because his pictures had him standing next to Harley Quinn and they were cuddling."
The two siblings shared a look then nodded. "It's nice our half-sib in our world is dating their Xander. I wonder if I'm there," Darcy said.
"It's a DC comics world to us so you're probably not," Froger said. "You're in ours." He grinned at her. "I met the you and Jane in our world. You were very, very uptight thanks to Jane's science so I told her about you and the convention realm. You know that song by Mystikal called _Danger_? Jane started to hum it as she walked off with her fingers in her ears. That you said to say hi and to tell you to just remove SHIELD."
"I do anytime they get into our faces," Xander said with a shrug but grinned. "Are they with Stark?"
"Nope. Or with Thor anymore." That got a nod and a sigh from Darcy. "But anyway, that other president you was handling it when we had to run away for a few minutes to handle that thingy. The picture he showed us had some sandy blond tough guy with guns and Harley leaning around him but it was a staged photo instead of a naturally caught one."
President Xander looked at Lavelle. "Tough DC guy with sandy-blond hair," he said.
"That leaves a few left. Did he say a name?"
"No, but he did say Flag was his VP because we talked about the Enchantress thing we had going on. He wanted it to be guarded against him finding it from the portal that went to Gotham."
Comic Xander got there and got told so he went to get a comic to look at it. "Is he in one of these?"
Forger looked then pointed. "Him. Looked a lot like him."
"Well, he's an assassin and pretty mean." He put the comic back with a headshake. "So he joined the Suicide Squad?"
"No, he was another president."
Comic shop owning Xander blinked at him. "Wow." He looked at president Xander, who shrugged. "Huh. Another one."
"We have another split off from Dumass too," Godly Xander said. "We caught it happening. That one's with Hermione and Draco."
Everyone nodded at that. If they could talk to that one, it'd be neat. The magical Xander contingent could use a few new members.
Godly Phil Coulson looked at one. "Do not even consider that," he ordered. That one quit thinking about that idea to go visiting to see if they had nice dragons like his pet one Hubert.
But there would be other fun Xanders to meet. They were sure there were more out there.
The Endish?
Chapter notes:
A hint at some upcoming stuff. Because I'm a bit of a teasing evil tonight.