Summary: Sometimes girls are a problem. Especially ones that steal, lie, and cause problems for their sister slayers and their watchers. Thankfully, Xander has *some* guys around him now.
Categories: Buffy Stories & Crossovers > Avengers, Buffy Stories & Crossovers > Other Movie, Buffy Stories & Crossovers > Other Comics/Anime Characters: None
Series: Treasure Hunting
Chapters: 2 Completed: Yes
Word count: 30776 Read: 18252
Published: 12/25/2018 Updated: 12/25/2018
1. part 1 by Voracity2
2. part 2 by Voracity2
Wade walked into the slayer house. "Xander, where's your stash?" he called.
"Pertry said to get into your stash because you got some sort of love letter that he wants to take care of for you."
Xander shook his head. "Love letter, yeah. From his sister. It's on my desk. Stash I don't have."
"We all have a stash, Xander." He gave him a confused look. "Weapons, money, maybe some drugs or something." Xander shook his head. "How can you not have a stash?"
"Why would I have one? I supposedly get paid and have a weapons budget for the girls."
Wade put his hands on his hips, staring at him oddly. "We all have an emergency stash."
"I don't so not everyone." He grinned.
"You need to make one. What happens if you have to send the girls off and flee the house?"
Xander shrugged. "I'm more likely to make a stand than flee. I don't really have a flee response. It's been a problem in the past," he admitted with a slight grin. "And I get yelled about it a lot. Including by you last time."
"Uh-huh. You need to set up an emergency stash."
Xander pointed at one of the girls near him. "We take all his money for lunch, allowances, and candy," she said without looking. "When Giles remembers to pay him at all."
"The months he doesn't, I become a line item in the budget." He looked at Wade again. "Really, I don't have the stuff for a stash. My guns are usually on me. I have a box with magical supplies I can dig into if I need to."
Wade slowly shook his head. "No, you need an emergency fund so you can run away from the girls."
"I don't make that sort of money, Wade. Never have."
"How much is Giles paying you?" he demanded.
"Wow, I haven't heard that since Anya." He shot his buddy a dirty look. "None'ya."
"Fine." He flapped a hand. "You should still set up a stash so you have a running away or retirement from the life fund."
"I have a retirement account that has very little money making baby money for me but it's totally weak since I'm probably not going to retire."
Wade stared at him. "You're depressed. Maybe you should go out with Pertry's sister?"
"She's into biogerms." He got up to get the letter for him. "Here. You can have him yell at his sister but I'm not screwing him either. He hated me getting off. I need better."
"You need a lot of stuff." He punched him on the arm. "Let me deliver this. Maybe he'll find someone for you." He left, going to hand that letter over. Pertry hadn't wanted to get near Xander, knowing he'd be kicked around. Then Wade went to talk to Domino. Maybe she could win Xander a dowry or something.
She frowned but looked around. "People, did Xander not inherit anything from any of his ex's? The girls are complaining he has no clothes again and he's supposedly broke thanks to Giles forgetting to pay him. Again." A few people nodded. "Does he know that?" They shook their head. "Why?"
"He's creepy and not one of us. He's never taken a mercenary job in his life."
"Um, wrongo," Wade quipped with a smirk for him. "He got paid for taking out Mitchell and his group down there. And he was happy to do it because of the zombies." That got a groan. "I'd give it to him, guys. I mean, he's gonna have to get away from the slayers some year or die in a battle."
"He'd have to take it back from the ones who have it," that guy said, smirking at him. "You could probably go help him."
"Or I could take the bigger slayers club hunting while he handles it himself." He texted Xander a note about those things. Xander sent back he knew about most of them and had taken a lot of it back already but the rest mostly got used for weapons and feeding the slayers down there. "Fuck," Wade muttered. "How much did he spend on the girls?"
Domino leaned over then looked at him. "How much does artillery cost on the black market if you can't steal it?"
"Point." He looked at her. "We have got to solve things. He doesn't even have a stash."
She frowned. "How can you not?"
Wade shrugged. "Don't know." He looked at Xander's ex, who shrugged back. "Can we fix that?"
"If you kill a few of his ex's and take their stuff before their minions do," Pertry said with a smile. "Or in my case, my sisters' minions. My other sister would probably take out Xander for mourning my demise."
"Fixed that problem already," Wade quipped with a grin for him. "Last month."
Pertry got up and hugged him quickly. "Thank you. That's very helpful." He went to talk to his other sister. "You did not tell me that Deadpool took out the bitch. You never tell me the good news, Bianca."
Wade shook his head. "Maybe someone should talk to that Giles guy about the budget."
"Xander could be broke for a good reason," Domino reminded him.
"Yeah, the slayer there doing homework said they steal it for their allowance."
"Yeah, sounds like girls." They considered it. Xander would get mad if they talked to the Council people behind his back. Though they caught one of the other guys in there texting someone, getting a smirk from him and a glass salute before he finished his beer. She had a sudden thought. "What about the stuff he finds?"
"He might have to turn over some of them," Wade said. "It's mostly mystical artifacts sort of things." They shared a look. "Xander needs to be on more stable footing anyway. The girls are driving him nuts again."
"He could go on a finding trip but I have no idea who'd watch the little ones," Weasel called. "And he said to quit making plans about him because he just had a vision about the Council going to war over the budget."
"Sorry. We'll apologize," Wade called back. He looked at her.
"I'm not dangerous enough for Xander and he might mess up my mutant gift." She finished her drink. "You could bend over and take it."
"I...I'm kinda worried about him not having self healing talent. And we're not totally compatible."
"Point." She looked over at the corner where Cable usually hid, getting a head shake back. "He wouldn't?"
"Nope, probably not."
"Damn. That might fix things in many good ways."
"Yup but not likely."
"Pity. A girl can dream." She went up to get another beer. She looked at Wade. "His kitten poker contacts?"
"Oh, yeah. They do need a lot of weapons. That reminds me, I need a new butt plug for the next huge battle so I don't shit myself."
"The place on eighth has a great set and they're easily sterilized," Wade quipped. "I looked when we saw the invasion in LA and realized we'd have one too someday. I found a few nice sized Hello Kitty ones." She shook her head but tried not to laugh. That figured.
Xander looked at the call Giles had initiated for an all watcher meeting. Apparently there were only three watchers left since it was just them on the call. "What's up, Giles?" he asked.
"The ladies have written to me about the budget."
"Yeah," he said, glaring toward the dining room. "They're presently eating half of it."
"The house payment we send you has changed," the head of the budget said.
Xander nodded. "You realize we're not in the old house?"
"Yes, but I'm told that the house is cheaper by a hundred dollars or so."
"No, the house payment for here is about seventy-five cheaper and that goes back into the kitchen." He looked on the computer. "Here, the budget thing I send in monthly." He linked it into the chat system.
"What is this payment here?" he demanded after looking it over. "House overflow?"
"Giles forgot to pay me again," Xander said dryly. "It happens really often." He scowled. "Which got the girls starting to think about the house budget. A few asked me so I let them work on it for a math lessons."
"Why are you making so much?"
Xander snorted. "So much? I make a grand a week for a full time job. That's under minimum wage even if I was working normal hours. And with taxes I get about two-thirds of that and have to pay the other bills from it. Including my own health insurance." The man winced. "And all my other needs, including my own food too. And my car payment so we have one that works around here and all that other stuff. Unlike *some* houses I don't get to charge that back. Frankly if you guys paid me correctly I'd bet getting double that at least, the girls' allowances would come out of the household budget, not my wallet, and so would my health insurance."
"Oh, I say. We don't pay for your insurance?" the budget guy asked, taking off his glasses. Xander shook his head. "Why not?"
"You never have. This is an ongoing problem. You guys still owe me about forty grand for my years in Africa because most of my paycheck then went to weapons and feeding the slayers who needed it."
"We give them payments."
"Sixty bucks a month helps in some areas. Not all the slayers live in totally rural areas. That money barely pays for their school most months in about half the cases."
He grimaced. "What are your actual expenditures, including their allowances? Which we should have been paying, not you." Xander worked it up on another screen, saved it down, and sent it. "They do eat quite a lot."
"Yeah, they're all growing girls. We also have slayers that come in and out while traveling." He leaned back. "I forgot the electric bill, which runs about one-fifty a month since I've got it on a budget. So the last month of the year it goes up by about fifty bucks."
"That's reasonable. I do the same with my home." He looked at him. "What of your home expenses?"
"I live here. I'm the only adult in the house. Do you expect me to let a group of little girls live on their own?"
"No. I don't. You don't have any other help?"
"I've been looking into staffing our infirmary room with a nurse so she could talk to the girls about girlish things. I haven't found one yet and that'd add about thirty-five or forty grand a year plus any stocking they need to do and any other incidentals."
"That's not a bad idea. What of your vacation time?"
"Do I get vacation time?" Xander asked. "It's never been on my pay stub when I get one. And does Hancock in Asia get the same thing?"
"Well, I don't know," he admitted, pulling up that file. "He travels more, like when you were in Africa. Hmm. We do pay him about the same but he's in a lower costing area."
"Not if he's near a city. Singapore is one of the most expensive cities in the world," Xander said. "It tops the list most years."
"Hmm. Hong Kong as well I'm told." He went over the numbers. "Why is the house in Brazil paying that much for a house payment?"
"Eight hundred a month goes to the local gangs so they leave them alone," Xander told him. "It's protection for the girls. That way we don't have to go blow up a gang again."
"Again?" Giles demanded. "When did that happen?"
"Six months after we set up the house," Xander said dryly. "Hancock and I went down there to rescue two of the girls, get them rehab thanks to the gang forcing drugs on them, and kick the gang's asses until they actually complained about us to the police. The police in the area negotiated we'd pay them a protection fee and they'd leave the slayers alone or we'd let them be eaten by something huge." He grinned. "So we pay them monthly."
The budget watcher looked at his camera. "I can assume that's a better outcome than a lot of girls being exposed to that sort." He went back to the files. "Why do you use Excel?"
"It's already on the computer and I can use that?"
"That's a point I suppose." He went over the numbers again. "Why don't we automatically pay the bills for you?"
"Because you kept forgetting and it had to come out of my paycheck," Xander shot back. "You guys doing that has ruined my credit rating so when I need to change cars it's going to be twice as expensive on interest."
"Oh." He grimaced. "That is a problem to be concerned about. This year?"
"Probably within three. Unless it gets hurt during an incident."
Mimsy ran in with the mail. "Here you go, Xander. Did you tell Mr. Giles that I got an A on my spelling test?"
He grinned. "We haven't gotten to that part yet but you can tell him." He pulled her into his lap. "Go ahead. Why are you damp?"
"It's raining. The stupid spell nearly kept me from getting back in again too."
"I'll try to work on it later." He patted her on the back, letting her babble at Giles about school stuff.
"That's an amazing job, Mimsy," Giles said, smiling at her. "Very good work and I hope your new friends are great ones you'll have for years."
She blew a kiss and ran off. "I'll tell the bigger slayers that the main house is looking for reports."
"Tell Genevieve to send hers to me," Xander called. "I have everyone's but hers for patrol stuff."
"I can do that. She takes text messages."
Xander looked at Giles. "Genevieve was injured the last I knew."
"I've not heard anything from the house in Toronto recently," he admitted, frowning some. He sent an email, getting it bounced. "Xander, her email is bouncing."
Xander tried, shaking his head. "No, you probably forgot to change the company name, Giles." He got one back. "Hmm. Her boyfriend." He opened it. Then he called. "It's Xander. What do you mean she's in the hospital? No one told us that! What happened?" He listened. "Who...human or demon?" He grimaced. "Yeah, I can send someone up to handle that. Any idea...." He made a note and held it up. "Thanks. Tell her I said feel better and to call later. I want to talk to her about where she wants to go to heal. Because if she's that injured she needs time off to heal. We'll shift another girl up there and her to a healing house. So have her call me tonight. Thanks, Gus." He hung up and held up his notes so Giles could see.
"Blast," Giles muttered, hitting a button on his phone after a bit of visual searching. "Faith." He let the button go.
Faith strolled into view. "Hey. Hey, X."
"Hey, Faith. Genevieve is injured and in the hospital thanks to Dewey."
"Fuck Dewey, I'll beat his ass myself. She need changed out?"
"Yeah. She's apparently been in the hospital for over a week," Xander said. "Her boyfriend never told us."
"Got it. I'll be up tonight. Tell the girls I said hi."
"Faith said hi, ladies. She's going to Toronto tonight," he yelled, tipping his head to the side. They came in to talk to her for a few minutes then left so she could pack. He grinned at her. "Remember, she's got two minis up there."
"I can do a big sister slayer check." She left to pack and get the files on the house up there.
Giles looked at Xander. "I do like how you handle the girls." Xander grinned. "They're obviously happy and healthy. Why the cast?"
"A bully in her school tried to break her arm. The school sent her to the ER and they freaked out and sent her to the demon ER who put on an air cast. She'll be out of it in a few days probably. She's due for x-rays in two days."
"That's fine. Let me know if it's a problem."
"Oh, if the kid keeps up I'll let the girls deal with him." He smiled. "They've been restrained so far."
"Good." He cleared his throat. "The budgetary mess that was noted?"
"We're doing the wrong thing with his house," the budget person said, looking at the screen again. "We should be handling things but as you know some of my people are idiots."
"Don't tempt me to name names," Xander quipped, shifting some. "I got told two weeks ago that I shouldn't be near the slayers because I have a mutant gift. And I was warping."
"You seem to do a lot of the work those sort don't," the budget person said. "It's a shame really."
"Well, he is second in command," Giles said dryly. Xander nodded. "What is minimum wage?"
"Depends on the industry but up here in December it goes up to twelve an hour for most workers who don't work for tips or cash," Xander said once he looked it up.
"That is much more than I expected."
"New York's more expensive," Xander said. "What my general t-shirts cost up here I can go to a thrift store and get a full wardrobe in Cleveland."
"I can see that being a problem since there's been complaints about your wardrobe again."
"I have a few good outfits, Giles."
"Suits?" he asked.
He gave him a funny look. "Me in a suit? Do you think I spend money on pointless clothes?"
"Point. You're not one for the more staid attire that some of us wear. Though you could wear something nicer, Xander. Especially if you have to deal with the public."
"Which I don't usually. Sometimes other people who fight huge problems but if I'm talking to the press they either ambushed us on patrol or I'm reminding them to leave the girls alone. If I have to do anything else I do bum someone's dress shirt."
"You could buy a few, Xander."
"That would mean shopping, which I don't have the money for and I'm still having flashbacks to your slayer and the mall."
"I forgot about that. Personally I only go into a store if it's a tailor's shop any longer." He frowned a bit. "She really did traumatize us with her shopping habits." The head of the budget laughed.
"Honestly. The girls up here will tell you I've had daytime flashbacks to shopping thanks to Buffy. She shops more than some minor royals do."
"That's sad but I've seen her carrying in bags for the younger girls."
"I've managed to get some by shopping online but, again, that takes money," Xander quipped. "And usually some sending back because things don't fit."
Giles shook his head. "I did pay you last month with the back pay."
"Which the girls stole for their allowances and dinner on the way to club hunting. And you paid me for two weeks, you forgot to pay me for the battle bonus we get or anything else."
Giles rubbed his forehead with a sigh. "I haven't...."
"Nope. Since I have to replace both of my guns this month...." He gave him a pointed look. "The girls' armory budget is pretty skimpy. It won't even pay for sword repair some months. I'm okay but not that educated in how to forge swords."
"You know, there's those people who pretend to be back in history," the budget person.
"Yeah, they charge about two-fifty to fix a sword or my regular axe." The budget guy winced. "And making one by myself would mean a lot of practice first and setting up a forge area too. We've broken three swords in the last year by not having the higher weapons we needed for a huge problem. The city gets pissy when we have to use artillery. Then bitch that we didn't do it fast enough."
"You're getting cynical again, Xander."
"Didn't leave the last time," Xander quipped. Someone came in. "Hey, Cable, problems?" he called when he spotted him. "I've got Giles and the budget guy on the line."
"Two huge problems. The gun I was looking over for you earlier that you couldn't get unstuck? Neither can I. It's welded open." Xander winced but nodded once. "And whoever did it had a bad hand at welding." He glared toward the kitchen then looked at him again. "Second, they stole your regular axe?"
"Yeah, I noticed that and said it had better be back here tonight or I'm going to paddle every single slayer until it reappears," he said dryly. Cable put it on the table from his back. "Where?"
"Oh fuck no!"
"Must you swear?" the budget guy asked.
"Yup, I must. Girls!" he bellowed. "Who?" he asked Cable. He held up the ticket, making Xander wince. "Yup. Going to beat that brat." He put the ticket on the desk, grinning at Cable. "Go round up my girls for me please?"
"That one's hiding at Penny's."
"Won't save her ass. Go talk to my girls? Sometimes they ignore me because I'm just a guy."
"Yeah, I can do it like I'd yell at my kid." He went to talk to them. The girls were trying to hide by going through the back door. Cable held the door shut. "Let's talk, ladies. We really have to have an adult talk." They all stared up at him.
Xander dialed Penny's phone on his cell. "Hey, it's me. Send the thieving little bitch back here please?" She gasped. "She pawned my axe, Penny. I want her here so I can beat the living fuck out of her. Now I know why my Asgardian axe is hiding from you girls. Yeah, that's what I said. Sure, you can bring her back after screaming at her. Ask her if she welded my gun too please." Penny asked the slayer that and she tried to defend herself. Xander put it on speaker and put it near the camera for the budget talk. Xander stared at Giles when he started to yell back.
"Xander, we will be moving that one to another house tomorrow," Giles said. "I expect her to be needing a pillow with the way she's stolen from you and tried to get you killed." He growled. "Some of the girls need a firmer hand."
Xander grinned at him. "You want the other one too? She's got a helper in the house."
"Yes, I would. We need to make sure the girls grow up moral and strong enough to be good women," Giles said, then sighed at the end. "Which?"
"Oh, dear. She's easily led too."
"Yup." He looked at his cellphone. "Penny, bring her home please. And watch the baby." He hung up, looking at the screen. "Can Becky go to Minnesota?"
"Yes, I believe Candice is a strong house leader," Giles said with a smile. "Amera can go to Kennedy."
"Kennedy has shaped up a lot since taking over that house," Xander agreed. "She's become a strong slayer and a stronger woman. But her minis hardly ever get any fun."
"Sometimes you need the fun. They go to the spa all the time." Giles made himself notes. "Any other problems you're having?"
"Not yet. I have to find some weapons for the upcoming thing in a few weeks."
He grinned. "Piotr got jealous that Rogue told him they were flirted with on the beach and flew down there to talk to her. From what the other girls said, they're at least back toward dating and a bit giggly again." Giles smiled and nodded. "So we'll see. Kara was expelled from the college this semester thanks to all the attacks. They thought it might come back to hurt the other students. She'll start taking online classes through them next semester."
"That's reasonable probably. Is she all right with that?"
"Good. Piotr's classes?"
"He's an art student. He's a really great art student."
"Awww. That's wonderful. Though I doubt many would attack the poor lad. He's over seven feet tall."
"Kara did say that it was fun to climb him." Giles laughed. "It'll be fine I think. Even if they break up again they'll still end up friends. They would've been there this time but Piotr got jealous of her in a bikini and guys in the Bahamas."
"That's fine. Is Penny's pregnancy doing all right?"
"She's got a hernia again already. Her doc knows and will fix it when he goes in to tie her tubes after the birth."
"That's fine I suppose. As long as she's healthy."
Xander nodded. "She hid from Brad pouncing a few times. The girls got to babysit Bruno too. It's good for them."
"It is. All right. Do we have the budget for the New York house set up?"
"We do. It is not reasonable that the budget is that messed up. So let's do this." He put it up so they could all see it. Xander nodded, making a change to one thing. "Do they actually eat that much?"
"I spend six hundred every week on groceries and they run out before I go usually."
"Oh, dear. I can up that." He doubled that category. "That's reasonable." Everyone nodded. Xander printed it down. "I'm going to be going over all the other houses as well. I have no idea what's going on."
"I know in Africa I was buying half the food for the slayers I was near," Xander told him.
"We can take that into account there and in Asia. The others are mostly in houses or near houses. It's something the old liners probably didn't think of because they moved the girls individually." He grimaced. "Not that it was a better method of training. All right, your local minis who are at home?"
"I have sixteen in the general area that're at home," Xander said with a smile. "Though they're almost all still out of the area. Four in one set of half-siblings."
"I've seen that case. It's most unusual but there was a concern about the mutant gifts with ours."
"So far it hasn't hurt them. Bethy's a strong slayer who'll be a senior girl some day."
"Does she get training for that?"
"Yup. We worked with her dad to get her training for that speed gift. He has the same one so he's watching over her shoulder for that."
"I take it's not involved in her life?" the budget guy asked.
"No. Her mom was a groupie." Xander grinned. "Between the groupies, the few dates that the condom broke during, and HYDRA making some he's got thirteen." The budget guy winced. "Bethy introduced herself to him with my help and then introduced the others. She and her sister Diana all make sure the kids stay together and play together."
"That's good of her then. I can't imagine thirteen children." He shook his head quickly. "At least he didn't do most of the work himself."
"You know, there's religious people who believe God will tell them when to stop having kids."
"Yes and I think that cult should die off," he said.
"Agreed," Xander quipped with a grin for him. "One tried to come talk to the girls about how they wear short skirts. They go to the same school." He grimaced. "The slayer in question told her off and quoted chapter and verse back to her about why she was an airhead. She went crying home and the mother called up being upset so I let the girl tell her exactly what happened and why her daughter was an airheaded brat. Including requoting chapter and verse. They're not used to women who can read apparently. They hate us and are praying that all the slayers die off. I'm waiting on the demon who answers their prayers." He grimaced but grinned at the end. "We'll handle it."
"Tell me if it should happen," Giles ordered.
"Thank you. Any other concerns besides Xander's clothing?"
"Xander can order something if he gets paid soon," Xander sighed. "Guns first."
"That's reasonable," Giles agreed. "Good luck with that."
"I have a lot of people I can ask."
"Good. Get a few extra."
"I got asked about my running away from the girls stash," Xander said dryly. "Since I don't have one..." He waved and hung up, leaning back. He got up and went to talk to Cable. "So it appears I need a new gun."
"Or six," Cable said. "You're down to two."
Xander nodded. "I can't afford six. I can maybe afford one cheap one for now." He looked at the girls. "Have we learned anything tonight?"
"Mr. Cable's mean," one pouted.
Xander stared at her. "Only when you need it. Right now the only thing keeping me from beating two of you is Penny's got one of them and the other one's going to visit Minnesota." He stared at her, making her shrink down. "Now, what else have we learned tonight?" They pouted but told him. "Thank you. Go upstairs, clean your rooms." They ran off. He looked at Cable. "I feel like I'm mean but it's necessary."
"It's what fathers do." He clapped him on the arm. "I'll see who's selling something at Sister Margaret's."
"Thanks." He went to get dinner for himself and sighed. "Of course they didn't leave me any." His plate from the fridge was missing too. Xander went to get the dishes to put up and decided a bowl of cereal was what he had the energy for tonight after he washed the dishes.
Penny dragged the bratty one in and handed her to Cable after glancing in the kitchen. She went up the stairs. "Ladies," she called. "Meeting." They came trudging into the sparring room. She stared at them. "Why is it that only Xander is doing anything in this building? When I was here, we all had chores if I remember right. We split things like dishes and our laundry and all that stuff. Xander's not your maid. He's your watcher, and he's supposed to be training you, not babying you. We're all big slayers. We can make our own rooms up, we can clean up after ourselves, and we can damn sure help around the house. All the other houses have it."
"Ease off it, Penny," Xander called as he walked past the doorway. "We're going to be resetting the schedule this weekend when they're all grounded."
"What did we do to be grounded?" she demanded.
"We kinda stole from Xander's wallet for extra spending money," one said, tipping her face down. "I didn't but the bigger girls did." She pouted at Penny. "Can you move back in so we have a mom figure too?"
"I would but Bruno will get warped into Xander if I did. Also, Brad is a fierce asshole about chores. He glares at me about how I do the dishes." The girls all pouted. "I'll talk to him but I'm not going to promise anything and you're still all going to be doing chores! You're not on patrol right now. Even though only one of you is old enough." She frowned. "Is Kara on a date?"
"Healing in the Bahamas."
"Oh, that. I forgot." She sighed. "We are not going to treat Xander this way, ladies. He's done a lot for us. Including giving up on having a normal life. Not like he'll ever get to have a real relationship when he's babying our butts and helping in our battles." She scowled. "We're all growing women, aren't we?" They nodded, all of them looking down. "Good! Act like you're with your family, ladies. We're a different sort of family and I'd be ashamed if Bruno had stolen from Xander or anything else you've done wrong this week. Now, go write out your bad deeds so I can grade them and we'll talk about it tonight." She pointed. "Then clean your rooms." They trudged out.
She hugged Mimsy since she looked like she was going to cry. "I doubt you were one of the ones that stole." She shook her head, looking up at her. "I'm not mad, Mimsy, I'm disappointed in the older girls being so bad. I know it wasn't you." She cuddled her. "Go clean your room and straighten out your stuffed friends. Okay?" She nodded, running off to do that. Penny texted her husband then went to look around the house. She went up to Xander's room, finding him eating cereal. "Why isn't there any food?" He pointed up at the slayer rooms. "Shit, Xander. You're letting them run all over you."
"They're really young, Penny. Half of them probably don't understand."
"Bullshit! They're all old enough to know not to steal from you." He looked at his wallet and sighed, tossing it back onto the table. "One asked me to move back in."
"If you want. We're here for all slayers, even the pregnant ones. I'm not totally sure it's safe."
"Me either and Brad would probably be a firmer dad." He grinned. "We'll talk about moving closer." She came in to hug him. "I'm having Brad pick up groceries for breakfast and I expect you to eat too."
"Cereal isn't enough food for all that you do every day." She walked off calling Brad. They could show up for a week or so, just so they could rest. She had to get something done to her hernia in a few days anyway. She walked back up to Xander's room, wincing when she walked in and saw the injuries. "Damn it." He glared at her. "Brad said we're coming back for my week of healing after they fix the hernia."
"That's fine. Pick a good room." He grinned. "Brad can yell at them for doing bad things."
"Good!" She looked at his back. "What the hell happened?"
"Oh. That's weird."
"Someone turned some Hand ninjas."
"So damn stupid," she muttered, shaking her head. "Who's doing patrols so Brad can go?"
"I am. I've been more injured than this and gone on patrol, Penny. I'm fine. Just be a big sister, okay?"
"Uh-huh. I'm still your little sister too." She walked off calling Brad again. He was not happy but he agreed Xander needed a rest, the girls needed kicked in the butt, and the girls needed a few bigger slayers being around but the ones they had presently were bad role models. And he could pick up breakfast foods.
Penny decided to be a bit sneaky and called Wade. "It's me," she said cheerfully, sitting on the couch in the tv room. "Brad, Bruno, and I are going to be at the slayer house for about a week thanks to me having the hernia my daughter is causing fixed. No, I just saw the injuries Xander has. Brad could probably go on patrol if you want to help me plot, Wade."
She grinned. "That might be handy, yeah. Thanks, babe, and let Xander know what sort of guns are out there. I know Cable said he'd help him look but you know more local guys. No, the brat welded the slide open or something like that. They've been stealing from Xander and all sorts of stuff. Yeah, them. No, she's going to be leaving this house. Thanks, babe." She hung up and went up to talk to the girls individually. They were slayers, they weren't allowed to be evil shits.
Wade hung up and finished his current job then went to hand in the ticket so he could get paid. "Weasel, my man."
He took the ticket and paid out the money. "What's happened now?"
"Xander's going to have to buy a new handgun at least. Penny said one of the slayers ruined one." Weasel winced. "She also said they'd be there for about a week thanks to her hernia her daughter's creating."
"A daughter this time? Brad's got to be happy."
"Haven't asked." He smirked a tiny bit. "But she said the girls were stealing and things so someone has to nag."
"Penny's got mom sense now so she could do it."
"I think that's her plan. Has anyone mentioned new vampire Hand members?"
"Huh. I have to ask about that." He bought a drink and looked around. "Hey, Henry." The guy lifted his head. "Call Xander about a new handgun? One of the slayers welded his slide open." Henry nodded, texting Xander. Wade went to get into a card game with his drink. Things might work out okay.
Penny's husband Brad walked into Xander's room holding his son. Who Xander took from him to cuddle since Bruno was hooting Xa over and over. "It's good he loves you." He smirked. "Where's your stash?"
"You're the second person who's asked that and I still don't have one."
"I meant from your poker winnings, Xander."
"Used, Brad." He grinned and nodded a bit. "You know, all those battles? Not like people give us weapons."
"Yup. I have a few owned to me but not a lot of hope of getting it soon. We can go steal from the military I guess but then they'll get really mad." He shrugged then cuddled the hooting baby again. Bruno settled down to cuddle and be loved on. "You're so spoiled," he cooed at the baby, grinning at him. "That's because your parents are good to you." Bruno waved his free hand and went back to sucking, staring at him. "Let me guess, you want a story?" Xander shifted but told him about something he had done that was happy in Africa. Bruno yawned and fell asleep on him. "Awww."
"You should have a few," Brad said, taking his kid back.
"Mermaid taint so instead I have a bunch of little sisters."
"Uh-huh. We may be able to find a way around that."
"Only if I go in for a lot of genetics tampering and then they mix it in a dish to implant."
"That's an option."
"Not one I like. If I can't do it the normal way there's no doing it with science."
"Fine." He stared at him. "You didn't have anything left in Africa?"
"I'm pretty sure the girls down there used it."
"Yeah." Xander nodded, grinning at him. "Basically. We're screwed for the upcoming thing unless someone gives us something. Or I go flirt with an arms dealer, who are all down with low inventory thanks to the last auction."
"Even better. Can we apply to get official ones?"
"They only go to the military and we are not the military. So said the colonel I talked to about where we got our weapons. Then he realized that meant that we have to get it off the underground and he's not amused at that but oh well. He'd hate to be a demon's pet."
"So no one we can conveniently go take down?"
"Nope. The only place that might have some confiscated is the ATF office and they loathe us so much they've stated they'd rather die from it than let us have weapons."
"The NYPD still hates us?"
"Mostly. We proved a lot of their people were jackasses who are haters. They won't interfere in something but if we tell them there's a battle they'll try to ignore it."
"The cluster of fucks that gave out the address so the spell could be broken? If you want to ask, go ahead."
"No, not really. The Avengers guys?"
"They probably have some. I have no idea. I haven't asked. Clint and I talked about how to get the girls all covering clothes for the battle. He had ideas at least."
"Okay, we'll get together to talk." He looked at his son then at Xander. "I've had a talk with the girls about how spoiled they are."
"The youngest ones aren't."
"We know. We agreed they were good girls who did all that they needed to do around the house. The older girls needed to take on some chores for allowances and that allowance came from Giles, not from your wallet."
"Thank you." He grinned. "You should run a house someday soon."
"Never happen. That would drive me nuts. They'd never give me and Penny time to talk about a third kid." He grinned.
"Isn't she getting fixed?"
"Damn I hope so but it won't stop the casual trying for a new baby sex." He walked Bruno off. "C'mon, son. You can go nap in a bed. It's a great hobby to get into. That way your mother and I have some pouncing time."
"Not likely today," Penny quipped. "I'm going to the OB later since I'm cramping a bit."
"Sure, I can go with you. Anyone want some babysitting money?" he called. One of the older girls looked out of her room. "I've got to take Penny to the OB for a problem. Want some babysitting money?"
"Nope. I hate diapers. You guys yelled that I ignored it last time." She went back to her room. Xander came in to get him and took the playpen with him so Bruno could nap.
"Okay," Penny agreed. "He needs to get used to Xander so he can train him later on anyway."
"I think Dad's going to be his watcher," Xander called.
"If you die first, I'll risk the First Evil," she told him. Brad walked her off. "We have two hours."
"It's New York, getting across town will take three with the traffic mess we have."
"Fine. You be fussy."
"Yup." He grinned at her. "That's why you adore me."
"Yes I do." She kissed him on the cheek with a grin. "And we're getting food, right?"
"We can do that. I could use lunch too."
Mimsy looked over. "We'll try to save you some food from the bigger slayers."
"We can buy lunch out, sweetie, but thanks for the offer. Make sure Xander gets some tonight?" Mimsy smiled and nodded. "Thanks. I've got to see the pregnant woman doctor. We'll be back soon and Xander has Bruno."
"Okay." She wiggled and got back to the show she was watching. Which she wasn't supposed to watch but no one was paying attention. She decided to check on the other big slayer. She video called Kara. She smiled and waved when the phone came on. "Hi! Are you feeling better yet!"
"Oh, shit, Mimsy. I'm naked. Don't look."
Mimsy giggled. "So is Piotr. He's cute in his human form too." He hung up on the call, making Mimsy pout. But Kara called back a few minutes later when she was redressed. "Are you better yet?"
"I get to come home in about a week."
"Good! We've got Penny, Brad, and Bruno for a few days because Penny's having baby problems with her tummy again. We have a battle in a few days I'll have to watch from the safe room." The tv cheered so she looked. "Ooh, what's that?"
"You are not supposed to be watching Rome, young lady," Kara ordered. "Change the channel." Mimsy pouted but did that. "Thank you! You don't need to see that many naked people." She stared at the younger slayer. "Are you that bored?"
"Already done." She pouted. "I miss going to school."
"You can start again soon, dear. You know Xander will make you go back to the regular school in a few weeks."
"I know. Anyway, are you better yet?"
"I'm almost fully healed and the healer down here was amazed I survived." She smiled. "I'll be okay."
"Can you become the house mom? Penny's kinda mean. She's making the older girls do chores."
"We should be doing chores, yeah. Xander's not our mom or our maid. Slayers aren't the sort of princesses that have maids either." Mimsy nodded, still being pouty. "Quit pouting. You're too young to do anything but study and take care of your own room. You know, some of the girls in Africa were moms just a little bit older than you. So they had to take care of a baby and the whole farm usually. Usually all by themselves while the guys were off working or doing something. Xander is not mean to us at all."
"I didn't know about that. I should ask the African slayers about that stuff." She blew a kiss. "You get better and give Piotr a hug for us. He's really nice and he deserves hugs." She hung up and ran to the slayer computer to get onto the bulletin board to talk to the African slayers about their daily life stuff. Most of them lived on farms and had to do a lot more work than she did. So maybe she was a bit spoiled. One of the girls said something and the other girls yelled at her. "Xander!" she called. "Your girls in Africa are fighting!"
He came down the stairs to look at the computer, typing in over Mimsy's head. "Oh, fuck them," he said loudly. Mimsy laughed. "Sorry, her parents are assholes though." He typed that at his mini and told her to tell her mother two things. She said she did that and her mother had walked off wailing to talk to their minister. Xander was going to have to blow a poker debt to get her rescued from her family apparently. He walked off calling the watcher down there to get him to go stop the family. She could go to a good boarding school.
"Wow," Mimsy said. She signed off and went upstairs to talk to the bigger girls. "Xander's ordering the watcher in Africa to go steal one of us from her family that thinks she can be married at fourteen." Her eyes were wide. "He swore about her parents and everything! He's really mad at her parents. I was asking about their daily life stuff on the bulletin board. All the other slayers yelled at her about her mom being mean to her too." They got onto the bulletin board, finding that discussion and Buffy telling the young one to please run away to one of the other girls so she was safer. Xander came down to put in a message and the slayer wrote back a 'saying prayers in thanks' then said the minister was there with her father. The watcher was a few days away.
Xander handed Bruno to Mimsy. "Let him nap in the living room. No more watching HBO shows. Give me ten minutes." He went into the armory and went down there to handle it. He and the baby slayer came back together, her crying. "Go clean up." He gave her a nudge. "Someone tell the bulletin board I rescued her. I told the watcher down there in a text message." He went to clean himself up. He had blood on his hands from beating the minister.
He called Giles once he was cleaner. "I rescued her. She's up here with me. I hit the minister who thought she'd make a good submissive wife sort too. If he tries to press charges I'll go beat him again." He hung up. "Damn." He called another slayer, waving at her picture on the screen. "It's me." She blinked at him. "I have Mor here with me. She's safe. I told the watcher." She sighed in pleasure. "Her mom's probably really mad that I hit that supposed minister." She grinned and nodded. "So tell the others?"
"I can do that. Is she coming back?"
"Hopefully. She'll have some culture shock up here if only because we don't have a farm." He smirked and waved at the mother leaning into view. "I rescued Mor."
"Good! Those old ways are evil!"
"I'll try to get her back down there soon once I find her a safe spot."
"That's good, Xander. Thank you for letting us know."
Xander grinned. "If that minister starts things, I'll come hit him again too." She giggled and hung up. Xander put his phone into his pocket, going to get Bruno. The new little one was cooing at the grumpy kid. "That's Bruno. He's Slayer Penny's son and the first male slayer thanks to the coven."
"He's so cute! Some day I want one of those."
"We'll help you make plans for that when you're old enough. Which you won't be until after you've graduated school." She grinned and nodded. "Good. You two settle in. Let me change him." He took Bruno to change and then get him food. At least the little guy would eat tonight.
Mimsy came in with Mor for dinner. "Penny told me to make sure Xander ate," she announced. "So he has to eat too." The girls made Xander a plate, handing it down. They settled Mor in to talk to her. Xander had taught her english so she could talk to them. Bruno got his pureed stuff for dinner and he seemed happy enough, he was babbling baby noise at all of them.
Mor looked at Bruno. "You talk a lot. You must get that from Xander."
Xander grinned. "He's not mine. I'm just watching him while Penny and Brad at are the pregnant woman doctor." The girls all nodded. He checked his watch but they'd tell him if they had admitted her to the hospital. They had probably pulled into an alley for quickie sex. They had many times before.
Xander walked into the bar with Mor, wearing Bruno in the chest snuggly, and looking pleased. "Hey, guys. This is Mor, one of my minis from Africa." She smiled and waved. He pointed. "That is your cousin." She ran over to meet him. He smiled and shook her hand before talking to her.
Weasel looked at the kid then at the baby. "They're way too young and if people catch them in here I can lose my liquor license, Xander."
"We're not drinking, Weasel. And I know no one will hit either kid." He grinned as he passed over a note. "From Bianca and Elizabeth down in Delaware."
He read it and went pale. "Oh, flying fucking burning shit!"
Domino raised her head. "Demon battle?" she guessed, spotting Xander. She frowned. "Who're you? You're tiny."
"This is Bruno."
"Aww! Some day I'll want one of you but you're contagious so you stay on Uncle Xander."
"He's so cute he made Wade want a kid," Weasel told her, cracking her up. Cable stomped in looking totally pissed off. Mor froze but stared at him before walking over to stare up at him. "Um, honey, don't bother him. Okay?"
She smiled up at him. "My family's cow has a face like that when she's in heat. Are you that sort of grumpy, Mr. Metal guy?"
"No, not the reason I'm mad, little one." He looked at Xander, who was the only one that ever brought kids into the bar. "A mini?"
"One of my minis from Africa. This is Cable. He's a really good fighter, Mor. He's sparred with some of the bigger slayers."
"That's cool. Some day I'll be big enough to spar with you too." She beamed. "If you're grumpy like our cow we can find you a bull or whatever you need to cure the grumpy face."
He leaned down. "A bull won't cure my grumpy mood. But thanks."
She grinned. "Well, you can cuddle Bruno if you want. He's good at making you feel mushy and cuddly."
"I can try that later. Why are you in here?"
"Introducing her to her cousin. We're going to have to move her," Xander said as he waved his bruised hand. "I had to talk to the family minister that thought she'd be old enough to be married off next year."
"I like to beat those sort myself, Xander. We can figure out a good school or foster family for her. She needs to be in a great family to grow up strong." He patted his cousin on the head. "Go with Xander for now. I can hear loud, gross people."
She shrugged. "My big brother turned into that sort. They happen," she said in her native language. She did bounce off to go back to Xander's side since she heard swearing.
"Flying fuck nuggets!" Wade complained.
She looked at him. "Chicken nuggets don't fly and they can't make eggs either." He paused to stare at her. "They're not real chickens anymore so they can't do any of that screwing. And they certainly can't fly unless you throw them at someone. Which is mean to waste food."
Xander petted her head. "This is Wade. The big slayers have worked with him a few times. He's got swords and guns he's good with."
She smiled and waved. "Hi, I'm Slayer Mor."
"Hi." He shook her hand, grinning at her. "You're really tiny."
"I had to introduce her to her cousin, bring in a note about a few who are usually in here, and ask where in the hell Penny and Brad are."
"I can help figure out the last one." Weasel handed over the note. "And maybe that one. Cool. Let me go do that before I'm tempted to light chicken nuggets on fire and throw them at people." He nodded. "You have fun with the other slayers, Mor. You seem sweet." She grinned and nodded. Xander walked her out with him. Wade looked at Weasel, who shrugged. "Okay. Call around to find Brad and Penny. She's been having some problems thanks to the new kid. I'll go find Bianca and Elizabeth so they're not stuck with the HYDRA dudes." He walked off with a sigh of discontent.
"Things are never boring with Xander around," Cable decided. "Who're this HYDRA group?"
"Bad news but on the Avengers level."
"Oh, okay. So probably why some guy was trying to fawn over my arm earlier." He got a beer he paid for and went to sit down in his usual corner.
Weasel made notes on all that. Xander did bring some extra life to their world.
Mor walked into the house carrying Bruno very carefully. "Here, take him before he falls! Xander had to fight the bad guys who said I was cute." One of the bigger girls took Bruno from her to look him over. "We're okay. Xander handed me him and told me come inside while he whooped a butt."
"He's really good at it too," Mimsy agreed. They listened, and could hear the bad guys going down. And one got shot apparently. Then Xander came in. "Are you all right! You're already injured and we can't have your hurt!" She put her hands on her hips and tapped a foot like she had seen Tara do.
"You're very fierce, Mimsy. I'm fine. My hand's bruised but they deserved it."
"You had to shooty someone!" she complained.
"No, that was someone else getting the HYDRA guy."
"Oh, that's good." They hugged him and let him have Bruno back and ran off to their rooms. Just in case the bad guys were coming in here again. That way they were safe. And there was nothing good they were allowed to watch on tv anyway.
Xander looked at Bruno. "Sure, we'll have a guy's day." The baby babbled and waved his hands happily. "I know, you need cleaned up. You stink more than Wade after tequila at the bad mexican place he likes." He carried him up to his bathroom. "I'm giving Bruno a bath," he called into the slayer's hallway. "Come get me if something happens!" He had a lot of fun talking to Bruno. It was nice to have a guy around again.
Wade walked the duo into the house. "I hate the douchebags that call themselves HYDRA," Brad complained loudly. "What the fuck were they thinking?"
"They wanted to test a slayer and have for years," Penny reminded him. "I warned you about them back when we started to date." She rubbed her stomach. "I hate that. Quit kicking, daughter."
Wade gave her a nudge. "Go lay down before she comes out through your bellybutton this time. I don't want to ever see a kid born, even if it was mine." He gave her another nudge. "Go save Xander from the baby."
She scowled. "That's mean, Wade! Xander does excellent at daddy duty."
Brad nodded. "He does but he's going nuts being in a house surrounded by girls." He walked her off. "Thanks for the rescue, Wade."
"Welcome." He shook his head quickly. He heard Penny giggle and Brad waved him up the stairs so he snuck up and looked, taking a few pictures with his phone. Xander had fallen asleep with Bruno while reading to him apparently. Bruno had wiggled around so he was laying on top of Xander's head, chewing on his hair while he snored into it. Xander was actually sleeping for once so that was great. Wade snuck back out of the house and went to share the pictures with his buddies.
Penny snuck in to grab the baby, dodging the knife that came up. "I'm getting him to change, Xander," she said quietly. "Give me the baby."
"Fuck off," he mumbled and tried to stab her. "No taking the baby. Needs guy time."
She got a sappy look on her face. "Fine, he can nap with you tonight but he needs changed." She snuck back out with Brad so he could check every inch of her over for bruises with his fingers, then his tongue, then other parts that made her a happy pregnant woman.
Xander sniffed and blinked, looking up at him. "Wow, you have a huge butt stink, little dude." He got up to change him and went back to bed with him. Bruno was happy with that and a reread of the story from earlier. It was great to have guy time again.
Xander walked up to Blind Al when he spotted her at the market, taking her arm. "I'm hiding. Penny's trying to take my only guy time away."
"Is Wade on your couch again?" she asked impatiently. She sniffed. "I smell a young thing."
"This is Bruno. Bruno, this is Al. She helps Wade and I know you like Wade." Bruno squealed and hugged her arm too. "That's so sweet of you to give Al lovies, Bruno."
Al patted the baby. "He sounds cute." Xander grinned and walked her off. "I wanted some lemons, Xander."
"And I'd let you if he didn't have a blinky box outside his stand. I have no idea what the blinky box is so let's get you lemons from this nice ethnic lady in the pretty clothes. That's called Kente cloth, Bruno. It's worn for special occasions. I saw a lot of it when I was in Africa helping Mor's family." He looked down. "It's so fancy because someone thought she was a great woman so they made it specially for her." Bruno stared at the pretty lady and reached out. "Can he touch it?"
"Sure," she said, smiling at him. "Spent time in Africa?"
"A few years as the watcher down there. One of my girls was near the Kenya border." Bruno touched the fabric and patted it, grinning at her. "Thank you. Say thank you, Bruno?" He babbled. "Good boy. Your mommy and daddy are teaching you very good manners." Bruno grinned at Al, patting her until she patted him back.
The stall keeper smiled. "He seems sweet."
"He's one of my girls' kids. I'm babysitting so I get guy time again." She giggled but got Al her lemons, adding in an extra small one for free. They walked in.
"Has anyone told you that you need to get out more, Xander?" Al asked as they walked off.
"Yeah but I have a house full of mini slayers. I totally get why soccer moms who're home all day drink. I don't want to drink though."
"Uh-huh. You can go out and do stuff when the girls are in school."
"And I often do. It just usually involves swords." Al snorted but let him lead her around to the stalls. They ran into one of the younger girls at the mutant school, who hugged Xander's side and waved at Bruno. "Bad day at the school so you're hiding?"
"Mostly a lot of bitching and soap opera stuff. He's so cute, Xander."
"That's Bruno, Penny's spawn. He's pretty neat. This is Al. She's a friend of Deadpool's."
"Hi, Miss Al," she said. "Pleasure to meet you."
"It's nice to meet such polite young women. You can have Xander if you need him."
"No. I'm cutting school because they're being whiny drama princesses. Again. I have no idea why the guys are turning back into drama princesses but they need to stop it before they need the special surgery."
"They'd have to live as the other gender for at least a year before the surgery," Xander told her. "There's actually a lot of psych evals and stuff first." He grinned at her. "But that means you can dress them like princesses. Hat and all if you want." She let out a small evil smirk. "Have Rogue help you." She ran off calling the older girl. He grinned at Al. "Some days the school is like that."
"I'm sure it was. Most were. Wasn't yours?"
"Only in our lives. Partially my fault but not all of it." He walked her off telling her about Cordelia. She burst out giggling at the love spell but he sighed. "Yeah, I was an idiot. I even believed in love back then. She broke that for me." He helped her pick up her basket and they went back to walking around the small farmer's market. Xander looked at his phone when it rang. "We're fine." He hung up and grinned at her again. "Penny was wondering where we were. She's having a mood swing cleaning fit so we got out of the way. I'm going to let the pregnant woman fuss at whatever she wants."
"It's a good idea," Al agreed. "Pregnant girls can be really fussy."
"Yes she can. She already stole my clothes to do laundry. Maybe she can get the stains out of my t-shirts so I don't have to buy more."
"You can pick up plain t-shirts around here somewhere, Xander."
"I would but paychecks are next week. I'm about broke because Giles forgot to pay me again last month."
"That needs to be straightened out."
"We thought we have. We had to move a few girls who were bad influences. They kept stealing from my wallet. One went to an ATM and managed to figure out my PIN so she drew out money for panties."
"Your girls need spanked."
"I let Cable scream for me before I beat half of them to death for that stuff. They're teaching the little minis bad habits too so they are both being moved. Kennedy will have a lot of fun with one of them in London and the other's going to Minnesota."
Al smiled. "That's supposed to be pretty country but not a lot to do."
"Good. Maybe she'll do her homework." He looked at Bruno. "Was that a fart or real crap?" He pushed him forward to look at his back side. "No, just air I think."
"He could probably use changed."
"I can do that when we get near the family station and tables." She nodded, going that way. Bruno got all cleaned up and he tossed out the wipe cloths and the diapers, then they let him wash his hands so he could go on with her some more.
Al tipped her head up to him. "Why do you guys think I need all the escorting duty?"
"Because there's been two visions of various slayers being with you while you were shopping but a huge bad guy shows up."
"Oh. Well, I don't mind that then."
"We know you're capable, Al. You manage your own apartment without help and usually with less than help from Wade. In that you're a great role model for the girls for when they get injured doing our duty. Just don't teach them how to play strip poker. Kitten poker is a bit different."
She swatted at him. "Fine." They went back to her apartment and Xander helped her put things up and got the package from the doorway. Someone tried to bust in but Xander got them before they managed to get a shot off. "Fuck. Who was that?"
"Don't know," Xander admitted, handing her the baby. He walked over to look down at the bad guy. He took a picture to send to Wade. Wade sent back he was an assassin and did he break into the slayer house? Xander took a picture of the door and sent it. Within minutes Wade was stomping in to handle the idiot. Xander shrugged. "I handled it."
"Good." He looked over at the coo. "Oh, hey, kid." He looked at Xander, who shrugged but grinned. "Why are you carrying the kid around?"
"I'm getting guy time in. And talking to him about important slayer lessons I might not be around to give him."
"You're the next best thing to immortal," Wade said firmly, glaring at him.
"Wade, I might not make it another thirteen years for his first training hunt. I'm realistic. It's been a decade now. Most slayers last a few years on patrol and for battles. I'm ancient by our standards."
Wade hit him on the arm, making Xander yelp. "Shut up with that shit. You'll outlive all of us in punishment for wearing that ugly damn shirt." He picked up the guy to carry off. "Let me handle whoever sent him, Al. You make Xander be less realistic."
"Fine," she called. "Find out if he was here for me or expected you."
"Yup," Wade yelled back. "I can do that."
Xander kicked the door shut and took the baby back. "That was a mean guy," he told the baby. "He totally needed a better life the next time if he reincarnates. Or he'll go to hell." Bruno giggled because Xander was tickling him. "You'll be a much better guy than that one was. Or else your mommy will scream at you. You can learn that stuff from Piotr when they get back from the Bahamas."
"Why are they down there?"
"Kara got blown into a building and had a skull fracture with bleeding. Piotr got jealous that Bahamian guys were hitting on her." He grinned. "So he flew down to talk about their break up again. I'm told they're giggly."
"Young love is cute that way."
"Yeah, it's nice to see. They deserve to be happy." He sat down, looking at Bruno. "Why are you making that face? That face means a huge stink."
"Bathroom," she said with a point.
Xander took him in there to change him once he finally finished. "Eww, Bruno. Bad butt today, little guy. We'll have to fix that. Pretty soon we'll start potty training. Then you can crap like a guy." Al was laughing at that. "Yeah, we'll like no more diapers. We'll even disgust your uncles by getting you super hero underroos to have accidents in. Wade will not be amused if you do that to his but he'll be creeped out by having any at all anyway." He tickled his belly. "Let me wash my hands." He put him down and did that, then cleaned up any signs he had been in there. He and Bruno came out together, nodding at Cable, who was staring. "Penny's son."
"I've seen you hogging him. Who was the guy who broke in?"
"Wade has 'im."
"Good." He took Bruno to look at, getting an odd look for it but Bruno reached for his fake eye. "No, don't touch that please." Bruno squealed and kicked, then leaned forward to try to suck on it. Xander took him back. "Why are you babysitting today?"
"I needed guy time. Plus I have to share wisdom of being a slayer before I die from something. Otherwise he'll never learn the right way to sharpen points on stakes. His mom never did."
Cable winced. "Are you dying of something?"
"No. I've had my tenth anniversary of hunting. I'm realistic. I won't make it to his first training hunt at fifteen. There's stuff I have to pass on that I won't get to unless I start now. Who knows what'll happen next battle. Or even when I'm out and about."
Cable nodded. "You could take a vacation."
"And who's going to handle the minis?"
"There's other watchers."
"Who're more likely to screw them up. Maybe when Kara and Piotr come back."
"We'll ship you somewhere when they get back. Al, you okay?"
"I'm fine. I was going to cheat at cards again so we can play some strip poker. Wanna join in?"
"If you're blind, why would you want to play strip poker?"
"I can still appreciate a cute naked guy, boy. I'm blind, not dead." Cable walked off shaking his head. Bruno squealed so he patted him then left again.
Xander looked at Bruno. "I think he thinks I'm weird."
"Could be," Al said dryly. "Or depressed."
"No, I'm realistic, not depressed. It'll happen some day and I've got plans made for that. The only thing I worry about is them erasing me from the Council's history or lying about me like the girls I know do all too often because they think I'm *normal*." He sat down at the table, letting her deal the cards for them. Xander explained poker to Bruno too. It was a pretty important life skill in their lives. Al was amused but she was cheating hard so he was shirtless pretty fast.
Xander walked into his armory at the house, sighing when he saw how little it was. It was a smallish room but it was nearly empty too. He grimaced, considering things. "I have no idea," he muttered. Then he suddenly grinned and went to grab Bruno and one of the minis who'd frustrate someone and make them give in sooner. He blew a kiss to the others. "Behave, listen to Brad. I've got to go ask someone to help with the upcoming thing."
He grinned at the mini, who grinned back. "You can win him over with the power of your cuteness." She bounded along because it was a special treat to go weird places with Xander to learn from them. Bruno was grunting but not that unhappy. Xander found the place he wanted after two calls and walked her in. "This isn't the usual bar that the girls go to hide in," he told her.
"I've seen Sister Margaret's. Mr. Weasel is pretty nice to us girls." She grinned and waved. "I'm learning from our watcher today."
Xander grinned and waved, heading for a back table. He hauled one of his ex's with his free hand. "Come talk to us."
"Fine, Xander," he complained. "Let go."
"Sit." He shoved him at a chair. "Becca, sit on him would you?" He looked at the main reason he was there, grinning slightly. "We have almost no weapons for the upcoming battle in two weeks and the things take beheading without getting anywhere near them unless we want to become addicted slaves to their bodies. Can you maybe show up just to do the weapons stuff for us?"
"Yeah, I can do that." He looked at the two kids. "This isn't the bar that's safe for them."
"No one's going to touch Bruno. Or Becca." He patted her on the head. "Because Becca's daddy goes here sometimes too." She squealed and looked around, spotting a guy she knew. She ran over to babble at him. He hugged her. "She's one of my minis," he said with a grin and a wave. "Can she write to him at least? Her mom's rabid that they not talk due to his career choices but that can actually help her with her later duties."
"Yeah, I can pass on messages, Harris." He looked at her. "I can pass on a letter to your dad, Becca." She beamed, sitting down to write one out for him to take now.
Xander looked at his boyfriend, giving him a hopeful look. "We have *nothing* but two stake shooters and a single bigger grenade thrower. Can you maybe give us a discount for old time's sake?"
"You know, you did walk off insulting me."
"And you tried to get my blood to biobomb the city, Kirk." He grinned. "I should've taken out your ass to protect all those people from the funk that's in my blood thanks to the mermaid taint at the very least. Only AIM wants a city full of monsters who'll eat people."
"Good point. I didn't think about that." He grimaced. "Did you hear about their upcoming problem?"
"I turned it over to the Avengers when the original scientist guy captured me after I had been tortured. The tiny dicked guy thought he'd be an alpha and thought Stark had a techno mutation." Kirk hung his head, shaking it. "Yeah. I saw first hand how he wanted to turn on the alpha/beta/omega stuff so we all lived like werewolf clans. Pity he'd never even make it as an omega with how weak he was but some guys are like that."
"Yeah, I know a few."
"So do I," Xander admitted. "Stress relief and didn't get it good enough. So, discount? Major discount? Please?"
"I don't have that much on hand right now but I'll ask around. How soon?"
"Two weeks on Thursday. About elevenish."
"I'll see what I can and talk to others. What happened to the stuff you had in Africa?"
"Used by the girls down there. Two weeks after I got free of Egypt they had a slight invasion."
"Oh, that time. That truly sucked."
"Yeah and I should've been there but I was healing torture wounds and helping defend London. But I did get my axe out of it." He grinned. "I think it'll go to Bruno some year."
"He's Penny's son."
"Awww." He patted the kid on the foot, getting glared at. "He looks like you when you get woken up by your phone."
Xander looked then grinned. "I'm getting guy time today. Don't touch my baby slayer," Xander called. "I'll kill your ass." Becca got put back into her seat and patted on the head. "Thanks." He looked at Kirk again, giving him a hopeful look.
"I'll do what I can. You should probably scram with the kids before the cops see."
"We're on the way to the kitten poker hall but I went looking for Frank. He usually has at least a high powered gun around somewhere." Castle nodded. "Just don't let the demons coming in two weeks touch you. They're addicting and won't eat you." He grimaced. "Okay, Becca, hurry up, let's go to the demon poker hall."
"Sure, Xander." She finished and kissed the guy she knew on the cheek. "Thank you for the help. I miss my daddy and my mom's being a shithead." She hopped down and came back to take Xander's hand. "Thank you for helping the bigger slayers if you show up in two weeks, people." She grinned and waved. "We appreciate it because it means I'm still too little to jump into a battle."
"If they try I'm going to kill them extra hard, honey. Let's go to the demon poker hall." She squealed, pulling him off by the hand.
Frank Castle looked at the other guy. "So you two dated? I'm trying to figure the guy out."
"No. I was stress relief and a necessary evil before he had a heart attack after a series of battles that wasn't covered by those on the tv." He sipped his beer. "It was a pretty good weekend but Xander will pout at you if you don't let him get off or feed him." He went back to his table to call around. Xander would probably give them a nice week of sex if they could bring him weapons and they'd heard Xander was hard up again. It was always better to have him relaxed before battles. Otherwise he got uptight, creepy, and apparently turned into a fussy guy over the mini slayers.
Frank Castle was shaking his head but thinking about his weapons. He could bring some bigger things to that battle. Someone handed over the notes they were sent. "Thanks," he grunted. "That battle?"
"Yup. Take off the head, don't get touched, they have purse lions."
"Great. Demon celebutantes." He finished his beer and walked off with the notes to talk to the others who protected the city. There was no need for young women to jump into a battle for the city. Even if they were fully trained slayers.
The other guys in the bar saluted the insane one and the grieving one because Castle's insanity would hopefully help the battle and Xander might find someone nice soon enough. They had heard rumors but apparently he was a bit more weird than they had heard.
Brad walked into the poker hall, taking Bruno and his carrier from Xander to put on himself then he grabbed Becca's hand, walking her off. "C'mon. We'll go somewhere more sane, Becca. Before I have to beat Xander for bringing you guys to a real bar full of assholes and dickheads."
"My daddy's helper guy was there and he'll pass on letters for me," she said with a grin. "I missed him."
"That's cool, princess. That's a good reason to go to a slummy bar but still, you're too young. You can ask him to come visit you at the house."
"Mommy said no because he has bad decision making skills. Xander said those might help me when I'm a big slayer."
"It could," he agreed. "It's helped Penny a lot." He picked her up to carry her since she was yawning. "I know, it's been a huge outing today." She nodded, laying her head on his shoulder. "You can nap, sweetie." He nodded at someone he kinda knew.
"I thought your oldest was a boy."
"He is. I'm wearing him and carrying a mini slayer."
"Oh, that's who that is." She grinned and waved at him. "She's cute."
"As cute as my next kid will be since it's a girl." He smirked. The other mercenary laughed but nodded, walking off to share that. It was a cute story. Brad was such a daddy sometimes.
Xander looked at the demons he was playing poker with, grinning at them. "Let him change Bruno." They all nodded and got back to the hand. It was nice that Xander was winning today but they knew if he lost he'd give them HYDRA goons or something to nibble on so it was pretty nice of the hunter.
"Why won't the baby shut up?" one of the older girls whined. "He's always noisy!"
"Welcome to having kids," Xander quipped, staring at her. "Miss spoiled brat. You make more noise than he does."
"I can't hear the tv!"
"That's funny. You don't have a problem with your hearing and he's not fussing. You're being spoiled. Also, you're being a brat about the other slayers. Which he is thanks to the coven. Get over it. Having him around for a few weeks is teaching you good habits for when you spawn something whiny of your own." She got up and huffed off, calling Giles to complain Xander always has the baby and it was a noisy, messy, wailing kid. Xander looked at the others.
"She's spoiled," Mimsy agreed. "He's not even crying. He's just snuffling." She took the baby to cuddle. "It's all right, Bruno. She's a bad girl and a bad slayer because she never trains. You'll be a great one when it's your turn." He huffed but let himself be cuddled and cooed at. "What do the other slayers that have kids do?"
"Most of them are at home," Xander admitted. "Penny's healing from the surgery."
"I know." She patted him on the leg then cooed at Bruno, making him scowl. "It's okay, Bruno. You're a good boy. We appreciate good boys because it means we can recognize them when we're big slayers so we find a decent date." The slayer walked in looking smug and threw Xander's phone at him before huffing off again.
"Yeah, Giles? The whiny bitch complained how much about Bruno being sleepy and tired?" He listened. "No, she's a spoiled brat, Giles. Has been, will probably always be. No, we're watching tv. Bruno's tired so he's a bit huffy but he's not wailing or anything. She's a spoiled brat." He got up and kicked her out of his office, taking his wallet from her then swatting her hard. "No stealing. That is not the slayer way."
"It's my allowance!" she sneered.
"You haven't done anything for allowance money, Bethany. You're spoiled. If you want an allowance that much, go to Cleveland." He listened to Giles then hung up. "He just told me to paddle your ass for stealing and whining." She took a swing at him and he shoved her against the wall, holding her there. "I'll be right back." He carried her to the confinement room, shoving her in and shutting her in there then locking the door with a padlock.
He sighed and called Giles back. "She took a swing at me so I carried her up and threw her into the confinement room." He stopped Penny from trying to get to her. "No. She was whining about Bruno making noise. I don't want to risk you or the current baby." Bethany was screaming and ranting so he let Giles hear. They could both hear Giles groaning. "Yeah, Giles. I don't care. I'm about to beat her ass fully for this stupid moment. Yup, I can ship her down there. I can do it while she's drugged too." He heard her talking to someone and smiled. "She's calling the cops on herself. How sweet."
He hung up and went to call their NYPD liaison. "It's Xander. Bethany is presently calling in that we've locked her in a room before I beat her ass. Please do. Giles said to send her to Cleveland. Yup. Thanks." He hung up and looked at her. "They'll come make a report for her going into the system. Or she'll get to go to boarding school." He grinned. "We'll handle the bitch."
Penny shuddered. "Military school?"
"Could be." He walked off nodding to let the officer and the social worker with him in. "Hi. Welcome to our slayer house. The one in confinement for trying to attack me is upstairs ranting and screaming about the baby being evil for making her huff off in a snit and try to steal from me."
The social worker grimaced. "Is that the right response?"
"It was that or beat her ass. Which did you want me to do, ma'am? She's fourteen. She's an opinionated, bitchy, hateful fourteen-year-old girl who complained the baby in the house made too much noise by huffing at being tired. Then she stomped off to complain to our head. Then she stole from me and was trying to wreck my office. It was confine her after she took a swing at me, drug her up, or spar with her until she learned she was an idiot."
"Confinement can be handy in those situations," she admitted. She went up to look at the girl, who ranted at her.
The officer looked at Xander. "The upcoming battle?"
"Please bring higher weapons. Don't get touched, they're addicting but don't eat people." The officer winced. "We're totally out of weapons. So please, bring some to behead the really tall demons."
"Yeah, I can pass that on." He went to look in the tv room. "Who're you?" he asked the kid, who was obviously a boy.
"That's Bruno, Penny's son." Mimsy smiled at her. "He's a slayer too. The coven tried to turn him into a girl. He's a really neat little guy and we're all learning about being good mommies if we have kids some days. Plus he's great to cuddle." She held him up. "Want to cuddle him?"
"I have two of those at home. Thanks, Mimsy." He looked at Xander. "You were seen carrying around a kid."
"Him. I needed guy time."
"Ah. Cool. I can fully understand that since you're always surrounded by young women."
"And some of them aren't ladies," Xander agreed with a grin. He took Bruno back. "C'mere, little guy."
"Xander, he's my son, I can change him," Brad said patiently. He walked his son off talking to him about keeping him with them for a bit so Uncle Xander couldn't steal him for a while.
Xander shrugged. "Not like I have guys to hang out with and play video games or anything like that."
"I can fully understand that," the officer agreed. The social worker came down with a swelling eye. "Did she hit you?"
"Tried to twice, barely got me once," she admitted, looking at Xander. "Your plans for her?"
"Giles wants her in Cleveland so she has a close, personal mentor from the new watchers." He grinned. "It's that or boarding school."
"That's not a bad idea. It might also help her to get some therapy."
"She's not a trauma case. She has a great family who spoiled her to death," Xander said with a slight shrug. "She's just spoiled. Everything has to be about her and her wants. She said she was stealing from me to get her allowance, when she knows there's chores for allowance money. She refuses to help out. She sneers about the school. She hates that I make her do her own laundry and I'm not their slave. We have a few of those among the slayers and thankfully some of them grow out of it. Kennedy did and I'm about to have her come talk to the brat."
"I can agree with that plan. Do we think she's going to need medicine some time in the future?"
"If so, she'll be assigned to a house if she insists but otherwise we'll gladly support her needing medical help." He heard a door be broken and sighed. "Let me go ... Beat her ass." He went up to grab her, and she tried to throw him out of his own room. He tossed her toward the stairs. "Down there. Now." She tried to attack him again. "You're not that good. You're going to fall down the stairs, Bethany." The social worker stomped up to help him. Bethany tried to kick him but he blocked it easily. She overbalanced and started to fall but he caught her arm. The social worker caught her other arm and walked her off. Xander looked back at Penny.
"She needs to go tonight. Before I kick her ass."
"You're pregnant and she's fourteen so you'd get in trouble. Let one of the younger girls do it for you. I'd hate to see you in jail for assaulting her."
"I can agree with that as well," the social worker called back. "Is there somewhere else she can be put?"
"Yup." Xander skipped down the stairs, grinning at her. "I'm really glad I found this old hotel." He went into the infirmary area, then came back to stick something in her arm. Bethany went limp and passed out, getting put onto the floor. Xander lifted her up and took her to the confinement room again. This time she got strapped to the bed and he turned on the camera in there so he could remote monitor her. Then he went to call Giles with the social worker putting in advice. He agreed they could come up to get her. Then they'd talk to her family about her attitude problems and possibly some medicine to help her.
Xander went back to the tv room, settling into his chair to watch tv with the girls. "Why are we watching these limp moraled whores?" he asked after a few minutes. The girls all glared at him. "They are! None of you will ever act like that. Not even Kennedy was that bad originally. Find better role models, ladies." They huffed but changed the channel, agreeing on something pretty fast since it was a well-liked movie. Xander didn't comment even though it was a princess movie. The girls needed some fantasy life. Better a princess that had class than a loose hole like the others.
Xander walked into Sister Margaret's bar and went to Domino. "The girls need a lot of girl help. Can I lean on you for that since TNW said she's already tried and can't fix it?"
"I..." She looked up at him. "Why do you call her by her team name and not Deadpool?"
"We call him Deadpool when he's being Deadpool. When he's being Wade, he's Wade. There's a difference in there, dear." He grinned. "She goes out in her uniform all the time. She probably thinks it protects her some but she could probably blend in better without it. I taught all the girls that names had meaning and worth because theirs do too. If the bad side find out who they are or their family are they become bigger targets."
"I get that," she decided. "So a lot of the time Deadpool's..."
"Wade around the girls. Yeah. He's been good to the girls, especially the older girls he helps spar with." She grinned. "But the girls desperately need womanly help. Please?"
"Sure." She got up and paid her tab, following him out and to the slayer house. He pointed at the squealing going on. "Sounds like a happy moment."
"Sounds more like someone found a mouse again." He took her up there. "Ladies, this is Domino. She's part of X-Force with Wade." They pulled her in to talk to her. "Please fix the girl issues." He spotted the mouse that had them all squealing while up on tables holding crossbows or daggers. He caught it and took it to release outside. Wade walked in looking confused at the mouse hand off. "The girls spotted it. Some even thought to grab their crossbows instead of their daggers."
"That's great. Sparring?"
"They're having massive girl issues again so I talked Domino into being an older girl sort they could ask for help." He grinned. "Between the whore clothes coming back for school, the one boyfriend I'm going to skin alive and hang off a roof, and the fighting.... Though we don't have to worry about Bethany. Giles came up with three enforcers to drag her to Cleveland for her shit. I tranq darted her when she tried to kick them around and couldn't manage it. I got her records, which included her missing training times for mall time. They'll get her mentored with Kennedy if she can put up with her."
"That's always a good thing. The girls could use more women in their lives." Xander nodded, sitting down. "No kid?"
"Penny and Brad snuck home yesterday with him so I'd quit getting guy time with him."
"You could go to the bar for guy time, Xander."
"No I can't. I always feel like I have to prove I'm a guy there."
"Point. Though almost no one is going to jump you." Xander gave him a look. "Though a lot of them do think you're a bit girly thanks to the slayers. We've had a lot of turnover for deaths and retirements due to girlfriends or injuries. I'm not sure the bar's still safe for the girls."
"I'm hoping so." He looked up at the girlish screaming going on. "Wow, our other spoiled one is having a fit. Need help?" he yelled.
"Nope. We're talking like women," Domino called back.
"Okay. Sparring room is up the hall and to the left." He looked at Wade, who was now lounging on the couch. "She asked why I don't call you Deadpool. I had to point out that sometimes you're Deadpool and sometimes you're Wade."
"True. I do relax around the girls. They're mostly good girls. When are Colossus and Kara getting back?"
"When she's healed." He grinned. "She's out of school this semester anyway. He can probably send stuff up since they have internet."
"That's good. Is she healing all right?"
"Yeah. She said he's been great help to her poor skull and is gently giving her scalp massages to help the headaches."
Wade shook his head quickly. "I didn't expect him to be rough but that's real delicate." Xander grinned and nodded. "I know Penny likes some rough stuff."
"Piotr got all blushy and apologetic he gave her fingerprints when we were in England."
"Ah! Yeah, I kinda figured him for that sort, and with the lights off, all that."
"Though there were a few incidences of sex in a mall bathroom. Or a club bathroom once by the rumors the girls were spreading." Wade grinned, shaking his head. "As far as I know they're back together. If not, they'll end up friends with benefits."
"Probably, yeah." He looked at the silent girl that walked in and pouted. "School problems or in the kingdom of girlfriends?"
She pouted. "I wanted a nice night out without a lot of attention. Yukio told me we can't do that."
"Yes you can," Xander said. "You in your uniform draws attention. You in jeans and a cute t-shirt won't draw nearly as much attention."
"They'll still recognize us."
"Sure, there's groupies," Xander agreed with a grin. "But if you go to teenage places and are dressed like a teenager instead of a superhero, you get treated like a teenage girl." She frowned. "Yeah. Go out like you're a pair of cute lesbian girlfriends instead of X-Men. Go to a club that's kinda safe so you don't have to worry about working, and have some damn fun. You and Yukio both need fun in your lives. Or you turn into me."
She scowled. "I'm not going to turn into you. You don't have a girlfriend."
"I have had girlfriends. Even we went on dates, even though Anya thought they were a waste of time and money. Now I'm single. I'm seeing a roadsign for you, dear."
"Have a night as yourself, not TNW."
She snorted but looked amused. "Fine. When is Piotr coming back?"
"When he wants to."
"She's mostly fully healed but he's been giving scalp massages and has been liking driving off the guys who want to flirt with Kara on the beach."
"Yeah, he's got a tiny possessive growl about her too. He called and got to growl about her bikini the other day." She was almost blushing. "We didn't know he knew how to growl."
"Your girl in a bikini being flirty will bring one up most times," Wade joked with a grin for her. "I agree. Go out being Ellie for a night, not the X-Man Teenage Negasonic Warhead. Even Logan has to do that sometimes, though his usual uniform is just his scrungy jeans and t-shirts and leather jacket."
She nodded. "We can do that. What's the good, safer club this week?"
"We cleaned out Club Mysterio last week."
Wade gave him an odd look. "Is it run by the guy with a fishbowl on his head?"
"Not sure. It was run by a group of cultists who wanted to use the energy given off by the crowds dancing to summon things."
"Yeah, I think we'll skip that one, Xander. Any idea?"
"Few near Columbia?"
"I can look that up. Thanks, guys." She looked up. "Are they unscrewed?"
"I asked Domino to be an older woman sort since you couldn't unscrew the problems."
She nodded. "So much worse than the girls in the school sometimes."
"It's not you or their duties."
"It's probably the older slayers part of the download," Xander agreed. "Buffy's part is why all of them shop. Faith's is why they like to try to play pool."
She shook her head, looking at his current shirt. "You need to shop."
"Yeah well I'm a guy, we don't shop."
"And my wallet got stolen from again so I have no idea where my paycheck is."
"Still need to set up a stash," Wade said. Domino came down the stairs looking pissed off. "That big of a problem?"
"Yes!" She looked at Xander. "They're not allowed to shop?"
"Nope. They're all grounded because my wallet got stolen by one of them." He grinned. "Until I get it and the money back, nope, they're all grounded from that. Only club hunts. Not that they need it, they all have overly full closets. They got that from Buffy's part of the slayer imprint."
"Figures." She nodded at the younger girl. "You tried. I think this time it'll take a mom."
"I'd ask Al but she'd probably paddle some of them." The girls were coming down the stairs putting on jackets. "You're all still grounded for stealing, ladies."
"But, Xander," one whined.
"Suck it. You guys stole from me, you're grounded. Just like normal kids get." They pouted, going back upstairs. He looked at Domino, who grinned at that decision. "Sorry but they're to grow up as normally as possible."
"Yes they should," she agreed. "The fighting is over guys."
"Half of those aren't old enough to date. I have to approve of any one-on-one dates before senior year. And then I get the right to beat the living shit out of a bad date. They get their first bad girl heels as they call them for graduation."
She nodded. "That's not a bad thing. I got mine earlier but I needed 'em." She went back up there to talk to the girls with TNW. She heard Xander groan but looked back finding him going limp in his chair. She looked at the teenager next to her. "Him and Wade?" she asked quietly.
"Xander said they're both too bouncy so it won't happen." She shrugged. "We all hoped. Xander could really use a date or six."
"That's a dirty thought," Domino quipped.
"Hey, hit on Xander. You're probably dangerous and deadly enough for him and I've never heard him called more than good to his lovers."
"I've heard he makes them all squeal happy. Not sure if I can squeal or not." They went back in to talk to the girls about girl things. They were pouty but yay. They were teenage girls and had to have some rules. When they said Buffy wouldn't have grounded them, they called the Cleveland house to talk to Faith since Buffy was off yelling at a principal. Faith insisted that if the girls down there had stolen the way they had they would've been kicked to a boarding school after being beaten. Xander was really nice to them to only ground them.
Ellie walked into her girlfriend's room that night. "C'mon?" She grinned. She was taking advice and was dressed down in regular girl clothes, as helpfully picked by the slayers. "We're going clubbing after dinner." Yukio smiled and got up to change. Ellie turned so she could change without her leering at her. That was a good way not to go out at all. She looked at Yukio when she grabbed her purse off the desk and took her hand, grinning at her cute dress. "Want dinner at a burger place?"
"I could like that. Or sushi?"
"We can do that," she agreed, looking pleased. They skipped down the stairs together. Logan looked and nodded, smiling at them. "Dinner and clubbing, Logan."
"That's fine, girls. You need some personal time. What did Harris need?"
"The girls were fighting over guys they can't have anyway, stole from his wallet again so they were pouting they were grounded, and needed girl talking to. He brought Domino in because I was confused by some of it."
"You are pretty sheltered here," he agreed. "Be safe. Call if you get into troubles. At least one of you has your comm earpiece?" Yukio tapped hers. "Good. Have fun. Be safe."
"You're not in uniform," Scott Summers said, staring at them. "That's dangerous, girls."
"We need time to be girlfriends, not X-Men. We don't want groupies tonight," Yukio told him.
"Point," he agreed.
"You did the same thing," Logan reminded him. "So do I. The only one that doesn't is Remy because he just wears normal clothes and his trench coat."
"Fine. Be safe." They grinned and nodded, heading out together giggling. He looked at Logan. "The suit's protective in case something happens."
"It'll stop a bullet but it won't stop another mutant firing on 'em," Logan said simply. "Or a vampire."
"True. I just don't want them hurt."
"They're more likely to be gay bashed than mutant bashed if they're not in uniform, Summers."
"Which I hate for them."
"We all hate that." He went for coffee. "They can run to the slayer house or someone they know if they need to."
"Good. I'm glad they're safe." He went to watch outside. Jean was still in quarantine for trying to screw up the team so he couldn't go see her. He saw Emma working out outside and didn't watch her. He didn't want to admit he found her hot. He was faithful and that was his choice. He decided to go sit out front for a bit. There were benches near the basketball courts. Though a few kids were out there being flirty with each other. He sat down and looked up something on his phone, waving it when he found it. "Local teen dance at the teen center." He looked up at Rogue. "Go find other friends you can tease?"
"I try so hard," she said with a grin, looking at that. "That's tomorrow. Will the Professor throw a fit?"
"Hopefully not. If I have to, I'll play chaperone."
"You could use some fun too, Summers." She skipped off to tell the others. They agreed it'd be a nice idea. Rogue looked around and pulled out her phone.
"They're on a date," Scott called.
"Sure, I'll tell them later." She looked back. "Can we hold a school dance?" Scott shrugged. "Should we ask the Professor?"
"I'd ask Storm. It'd annoy her the most. She hates some of the hoochy skirts around here."
"She'd really hate the slayers going club hunting," Roque quipped.
"That's why they call it baiting," Bobby quipped and stole the ball to shoot.
Logan leaned out a window to the living room. "The Professor said you can hold a school dance but it has to be out by the gazebo, will be chaperoned so no one sneaks off into the woods, there'll be no drinking, and keep the music at a tasteful level of club stuff. Storm complained she'd hide that night. If you go tomorrow, wear real clothes, not slayer clothes as he put it. Scott, you get to chaperone since you volunteered." He went back inside.
Scott grinned at them. "Make sure it meets dress code for not slutty, kids. Nothing buttless or too short." They giggled but got back to their game as he went back inside. He looked at Logan since he was in the living room behind him. "He heard me?"
"Jean was snooping and complained."
"Ah." He nodded. "We can plan a school dance thing. Maybe a picnic that afternoon. The kids could use a free day." Logan nodded at that. "I'll get Storm to plan the picnic. Someone find hip music since I don't have any."
"I'll ask the slayers."
Logan walked off texting Xander, who said they had a whole lot of music he could come copy off of since the girls were grounded like hell for an extra week right now for getting into a hair pulling fight over boy bands and their dicks.
Remy was getting dinner the next night when the kids came down the stairs dressed up. "We're going on a group date?" he joked. "Remy is not driving."
"There's a teen dance in town," Rogue said as she came down the stairs. Remy's eyes seemed to pop out of his head. Her dress matched her hair with the white stripes following all the way down the short, stretchy dress and the rest was fuck me red. She had on low heels for comfort. She had actual jewelry and had done her hair so her white streaks were highlighted. She grinned at him.
"It's not often I go for girlish but I did learn how way back when." She looked at the boys. "Go change your shirt, Bobby and Regan." They ran up to do that. "Messy slobs," she complained. The other girls came down and one gave Remy a flirty wink then grinned and skipped off. "Everyone got a phone or some way to let the others of us know if you're screwed up?" They all nodded, most waving them. "Good. Let's go, kids." The boys ran down to rejoin them and they went to the school van. Scott came out to drive them but he was at least amused by all this.
Remy shook his head quickly. "Damn." Some day soon Rogue was going to be too dangerous for any man. He had to watch out for that.
Xander looked around the club he was baiting in. He may have gotten in over his head this time. The club was full of vampires and more were coming in. The humans in here were highly outnumbered. This was going to suck. He was out to have fun, not bait vampires. He was less than weaponed tonight. And this was going to suck. He spotted someone coming in and went over to talk to them. "Flee," he said in her ear. "Now." She pulled back to look at him. "I'm not working, just go. It's way too dangerous for you."
She nodded and left, but did call a few people to come watch that club. Xander got a drink to loosen up. Well, he'd been in worse places at least. No higher demons that needed beheaded at least. When the vamps changed he gave one human a shove. "Run, now! They're vampires!" She screamed and ran. Other humans followed the pack, as humans did. It left fewer people he had to protect. The vampires were sneering at him so he finished his drink. "All I wanted to do was relax away from the girls, people. I wasn't here for you."
"We're here for you," one of the vampires said smugly. "Hurry up, human. Do you have a name or a last wish?"
Xander grinned. "You don't even know who I am. That's cute." He got a bit more to drink and gulped it then threw the glass at them before pulling out his stake. "Hi, boys and girls. Are you interrupting my destressing?" A few looked worried. "Let me guess, I have to have an axe in my hands?" One vampire ran off. "Ah. You do know me." He looked at the others. "If I have to, c'mon." He staked the bartender so no one was behind him and got the ones rushing him. It was a bad spot but he did get over the bar and got the others. Then a staff hit one. "You shouldn't be in here," he yelled.
"Shut up, Harris." Daredevil got another vampire down and Luke Cage threw one through the open door. "Beheading or staking," he told Luke.
"Or pulling the heads off," Xander called with a wave at Jessica. "Dumbass vampires. I only wanted a night off. But nooooo." He staked another few and grabbed the machete one was holding to dive in better. At least it was a weapon, even if it was nearly dull.
Daredevil lifted his head. "I hear sirens," he called.
"You shouldn't be caught in uniform," Xander called back. "So flee like they're coming for you and come bail us out tomorrow please." Daredevil did that with the other two, who didn't need to be arrested today. Xander shrugged. "That's cool." At least they were down to half of them.
"Freeze," an officer shouted as he came in.
"Be damned if I'm going to be eaten for daring to take a night off," Xander yelled back. "Get the fuck out of here before you wake up and want blood too!" The officer fled when a vampire tried to attack him. Xander did his usual deep breaths and let himself drop into battle mode better. Now that there were no soft, squishy targets he had to protect. Thirty vamps. Too many but not enough to kill him. Hopefully. He found a broom and suddenly had a staff with a sharp and pointy end when he broke it from the head. The machete was so dull it was pretty useless.
Staffs weren't his best weapon but he had trained with one. He was still injured and getting more injured but he handled it well enough. The last few ran for their lives with a camera. Xander panted, leaning on the staff. One last vampire was hit with an arrow, making him look then sigh. It exploded the vampire's head. "Sure, that'll help." He limped out leaning on his makeshift staff. "Gatorade?" he asked the staring people. "I could really use a gatorade." A paramedic came closer and Xander growled. "No!"
"I'm a paramedic, Watcher Harris," he said.
Xander looked at him. "I realize that. My blood cannot get anywhere. Including your machines. In there it'll be cleaned up."
"Or just set on fire," an officer said.
A young woman walked over to stare at Xander. "Home?" she guessed.
Xander blinked at her. "Yeah. Could use my first aid kit and some gatorade."
"The paramedics can stitch you," she offered. "It'd be easier."
Xander shook his head. "Too much risk." He thought he saw someone but it was just a shadow. He limped off. She helped by letting him rest on her shoulder for now. They were only a few blocks from the slayer house.
The shadow turned into Natasha Romanoff again and she went in to gather some of the blood to see why he was so insistent. What she found later from the infirmary was bad. And she had tested it without any safety protocols. Stark came in and shut down the whole lab, glaring at her before erasing all the results on her. "We knew this?"
"Yup, sure have. Since he had to come back from that alpha guy. That's only half why he didn't want it in any system. He didn't want to deal with your true bosses over it, Romanoff. Thanks for endangering him again." She scowled. But he finished cleaning up her mess and went to tell Clint so he could warn Harris. He found him in the kitchen making a sandwich. "Romanoff ran some of Harris' blood in our systems."
"Fuck," he muttered. "How much was found?"
"Half of what we found after that chemical guy in Africa. She didn't run the full spectrum of tests. Then looked pissed that I called her on it for endangering him."
"How did she get his blood?"
"Police band scanner reported a massing of vampires in a club and a watcher there."
"So he was working?"
"Not by what they were reporting. They said he complained it was his night off."
"So the vampires came to get him. Sure." He walked off eating his sandwich, going to the slayer house. He got let in and stared at the young woman. "Hey." He grinned. "How's London, Kennedy?"
"London's good. I came to bitch some of the girls out for him. He's too polite to call a cunt a cunt in some cases. So I'm overnighting here before flying on to Cleveland tomorrow. And guess what we found."
"He was supposedly out having a night off."
"Clearly." She nodded. Clint grinned at her. "He's in the shower. He won't let me help with stitches or call in a healer. He's cut and scratched but nothing too serious. There's one near his eye though and that worries me."
"I can help. I did when he got attacked by vampire ninjas."
"Thanks. Vampire ninjas?"
"Remembering being warned about the Hand?" he asked. "When you headed here?"
"Well, someone turned a bunch of them to try to get the girls. Xander was out alone due to the local problems and got jumped and handled them then limped home."
"Sounds like the idiot," she decided. "Some day he's going to die of that."
"To us, it's better us than the minis."
"True. I'd do the same damn thing," she sighed. "I hate when I'm turning into Xander." She walked off. "He's in his room."
"Thanks, Kennedy. Go talk to the girls?"
"I'm going to find the girls. All but two are out and about."
He winced. "There's a lot of rough people at the bar these days. Let me call." He called the most likely to know. "Weasel, Barton. The grounded slayers snuck out. They there?" He listened. "Wade found all but....sure, Kennedy can go pick up the three from the demon ER. Have Wade beat the others then bring them home. I'm going to check on Xander since he was off blowing off stress before beating them.
"We'll figure out if anyone's missing once we do a nose count." He grinned at her. "The healers in Brooklyn have started a full hospital." She grimaced but nodded, grabbing keys and heading out to deal with those girls. Clint went upstairs to check on the others. Mimsy wasn't there. Hmm. He went to Xander's room. "Hey, need help? It was on the police band."
"Considering there were four officers there and an ambulance?" Xander quipped. "Not unusual." He looked back at him then went back to doing a few stitches. "I'm good."
"Yeah. Let me do the one on your face. Then you can help Kennedy yell at the ones who snuck out." Xander groaned. "Wade got handed most of them. A few are in the demon ER," he said quietly, coming closer. "You have two here. We'll do a nose count."
"Okay. Then I get to yell, right?"
"Yup. Me too. That's dangerous." He got the few cuts on Xander's back. "Not too deep."
"I did okay for just being me for most of the fight. Especially since I was out for fun so barely had a stake and a knife on me."
"I was told to pass on the message that Natasha ran some of your blood but only found half of what's in it." Xander gripped the sink, wincing. "She's not pleased that she did that but Stark erased it he said."
"I'm sure he did. He did when he looked for his own curiosity." He looked back. "If the blood hunters come, either the ones that do it for profit or SHIELD, can you help me protect the girls?"
"Yeah, I can do that. Especially if it's SHIELD, Xander." They got back to the clean up. He knocked Xander out and went to yell at the girls. He looked. "Where's Mimsy?"
Kennedy looked then shook her head. "She's not here?"
"No. Not in her room."
"Huh. Didn't she come to us because her dad sold her to some freak in a lab?"
Clint nodded, calling that in. He got a 'rescued' call from a weird source. "Huh. Diana and Bethy rescued her." Kennedy gave him an odd look. "They're good at it."
"They probably are. Bethy is a lot like a mini Xander. Even Buffy called her that."
"Her dad can be protective too. She got it from genetics and training." He glared at the girls, who all shrank away from them. "Let's talk, ladies." They tried to run but Xander came down to have a quiet anger fit on them for it. They had seen him scream at a slayer. This quiet on the other side of the screaming...it was deadly and they were going to learn this lesson. Even Clint was worried that the temperature was dropping in the house thanks to the anger.
Bethy strolled into the house with the rest of the siblings, Diana pushing the youngest two in a stroller. "We're here and fantastic as all slayers should be. And we have Mimsy, who we rescued from her idiot father." She hugged that slayer, who ran over to hug Xander then Clint. "She's fine. They were yelling at her when she was wanting you, Uncle Xander." Xander hugged her then the others. "So can we stay?"
"Yeah. You guys don't give me any shit, and if the others have parents they can show up here." The kids squealed and got out to go running after Diana. "Wow, good job, Sarah! Good job to run!" He grinned at Bethy. "Call your dad to let him know you're here while I finish screaming at the idiots."
Bethy looked at them and sighed. "Wow, I don't want to lead any of you in battle. You'll probably walk off during it going 'eww' instead of handling the problem." The girls pouted but went up to their rooms. She called her aunt. "We're all back here. We had to rescue Mimsy from her dad so we all brought her back. Yup, all of us are at the slayer house. Thanks, Auntie Wanda. I'll try to bring them over tomorrow to see you both." She hung up and looked up at Xander again. "How did they get in here?"
"The girls all left," Xander said dryly. "I left the oldest one babysitting the supposedly napping girls while I went to blow off some stress in a club and they all snuck out but two and Mimsy apparently." Bethy groaned, rolling her eyes as she walked off. "Thank you for having sense, Bethy. It's needed around here."
"Yes it is," she agreed. "Hey, Kennedy."
She smirked and nodded. "We rescued Mimsy." She grinned. "So we're back up here. The others wanted their moms. I'm going to let them go hang on Auntie Wanda tomorrow if we can."
"I'm sure your aunt will be happy with that." She patted her on the shoulder. "Don't turn into the brats. Xander's always said you have sense. Too few of us do have sense these days." She went back down to talk to Xander after finishing her room check.
Bethy grinned, taking her siblings up to a spare set of rooms on the top floor. Xander wouldn't mind if they all moved in here but she knew most of her siblings wanted to go home for a bit.
Xander looked at Kennedy. "Some day Bethy's going to be the senior girl."
She nodded. "Can't wait. She's strong and she has more sense than Buffy."
Xander grinned and nodded. "Yes she does. She looked at Buffy's patrol outfit and asked if she was cold." Kennedy walked off giggling. "If I haven't said it yet, you've done really good with the girls under you, Kennedy."
"Thanks, Xander." She grinned, going to watch some tv.
Xander looked at Clint, who shrugged. "No idea. You good?" He nodded. "Have fun with the girls." He went back to the tower. He ran into Wanda and Pietro in the lobby of the tower. "The kids are all settled in for the night. Bethy got them into rooms pretty fast."
"She does rule the children very well," Pietro said. "They're back?"
"She called Wanda to let her know. They're all at the house."
"That's good. I wanted to see them." He grinned. "Anything else that bad?"
"Xander had to yell. Most of the girls snuck off while grounded."
"They're children," Wanda complained.
"Three ended up in an ER," Clint told her. "One got stolen by the father who lost custody of her for trying to sell her to people who'd experiment on her." She shrank away from him. "Thankfully the rest were found by someone and taken in so they could talk to the brats."
"I'll remember they're grounded when I go over tomorrow," Pietro said. "Why this time?"
"Stealing from Xander, fighting a lot over stupid things, the usual that's been happening for weeks."
"I'll tell Steve to go lecture them like he does you," Pietro said with a smirk.
"They could use it. Have him bring Pepper so they have an older woman who gives sense too." Pietro walked off smiling. Wanda followed shaking her head. Clint went up to talk to the others in the main area. "The girls are all safely back. Including Bethy and her sibs."
"That's good to know," Stark agreed. "We can clear out so they can hang out with their family."
"I can go there," Pietro said. "Most of the girls are grounded anyway. Diana apparently arranged for everyone to get back up here by train. I found an email from her telling me when they got to the train station."
"We can train her in how to make plans easier," Natasha offered. "That way she doesn't have to hack the train station?"
"I think she pooled their allowance and bought a sleeping berth," he admitted.
"I can teach her how to do more complex plans," she promised, smiling slightly. "I see much of my skills in Diana."
"And the twins," Clint added. Pietro smiled and nodded at that. He looked at Natasha. "The very grounded girls snuck out." She grimaced. "Leaving one that got snatched from the house."
"A social worker gave them the house address so he could rescue his poor little girl," Stark said. "I went looking when I heard that you were looking for her."
"Fuck," Clint said. "Her dad sold her as a science experiment."
"We know," Stark said. "Someone went to bust the lab." He grinned. "Steve was not amused."
"Neither was Xander but he was destressing while one of the grounded ones babysat for a few hours. So he got jumped."
"Figures," Stark agreed. "Armed?"
"Enough if something usual happened but not a bar full of vampires. He did okay. No injuries were too deep."
"So handful of vampires," Stark said. "He can easily handle that probably."
Natasha shook her head slowly. "A lot of dust in that club. More than a handful." Clint nodded to back her up. "How many?"
Stark just nodded. "Great. Just what the city needs." He got up to go to the lab. Maybe he could hack that club's security camera footage? Yes he could, and what he saw didn't amuse him. But there was help from some other heros. He frowned, looking closer. "Who's the guy in red?" he muttered. He looked back at the guy who had snuck in and was now grinning. "Who?"
"Daredevil. Works in Hell's Kitchen area with Jessica."
"Oh, okay. Any good?"
"Yeah, I like him and his day job too."
"Okay. Should we know?"
"Fine." He went back to watching. "Xander's tired."
"There's how many?"
"Way more than I'd want to see even with the whole team backing me up." He didn't want to go back and count. Clint was watching over his shoulder now and nodding slightly. "He's exhausted."
"We would be too. Xander has more stamina than I do."
"Point. He has to with all that."
"Sometimes it only matters that you have adrenaline."
"Yeah, been there, done that, Hawkass." He frowned. "The arrow... oh, Kennedy."
"She's in on layover to yell at the kids for Xander and Giles."
"We think Rosenburg had a magical mistake again to make all the slayers spoiled brats. Xander thinks it's a bad influence by some of the older slayers." He leaned his hip against a table. "Since I know what's in Xander's blood...."
"She only got about half. She didn't run all the tests." He looked back. "Why do you know?"
"I snooped. I've done some of his stitches and he admitted to a few because he thought one might be able to be brought up and reinfect him. So we had to talk about that stuff and what to handle if that happened."
"The mermaid taint?"
"That could too. Some demons can activate that sort of thing. Xander said he'd go to that demon's realm and destroy it if so. That way he wouldn't want to nibble on the slayers who were annoying him." He grinned.
"Why was he wearing Penny's son around?"
"He claimed he was getting guy time because he doesn't ever seem to get any unless he's in the bar."
A shiver went through the air. "What's that?" Stark demanded.
"I cannot identify the energy wave, sir," the AI said.
Clint looked up then called Xander. "Was that Rosenburg or some other emergency? Wade, why do you have Xander's phone?" He listened, leaning on the table then hopping up to sit on it. "Everyone good? Yeah, I can do that. I can bring Pietro too probably. Everyone good?" He nodded once. "Okay, so that was... Great. Thanks. We need me to pick up anything? I can do that."
He hung up. "That was a demon trying to rewrite reality. They lost after a long battle." He hopped down. "Let me get Pietro." He headed up to his apartment to grab some gear then went to where the twins lived. He pounded on the door until someone opened the door. "A demon tried to take the slayers out of reality. Your kids could probably use cuddles." He walked off. "They solved it but no idea what shape anyone's in."
"I'm coming. You drive."
"Of course. You can't." He waved as he walked through the main area. "The slayer house nearly got taken out of history thanks to a demon. Going there. Won't be back tonight."
"Let us know if you need help," Natasha called after him.
"Of course." They got onto the waiting elevator and went down to the garage to go over there. Clint parked and got out, heading into the house after pounding on the door. "We're here. Pietro, there's one of yours."
Diana looked over. "We're pretty okay, Dad. Bethy's got a few cuts but Uncle Xander's already done them." She accepted her hug. "That was scary," she sighed.
"I figure it was. Let's go check on everyone and I'll cuddle you." She nodded, leading him up there. The kids pounced them but Bethy, who waved. "Are you all right?"
"Freaked the fuck out," she admitted. "Totally freaked the fuck out." She let him hug her. She sighed. "Thanks, Dad. I'm not ready for that yet."
"You could've let him handle it."
She looked at him. "It was protect the siblings or watch them be killed. Which did you want me to do?" she demanded. He hugged her again. She snorted but wiggled until she got free. "Diana beat the demon that I was defending against." Pietro pulled her over to cuddle too. The other kids hugged around them so it was nice.
Clint went to find Xander, who was a lot more injured. "What happened?"
"Big demon. Wanted the slayers to be less than one again. Decided to start with Sarah because she's the second-youngest but the youngest is in a city that's nearly mythical so no one can get near her." Xander smirked. "Huge demon. House out of weapons outside a few guns and the damn thing was bulletproof. Thankfully, Xander had an axe for the demon's girlfriend and him. And Diana found the one larger shotgun in the house and used it when Bethy was trying to protect Sarah." Clint winced. "The other slayers are in the sparring room. Can you check on them? I don't want them to overload Wade by crying on him."
"Yeah." He went to the sparring room, knocking on the door. He got to wince at the screaming but leaned in anyway. "Hey. Pietro and I are here," he told Wade, who was healing a few gross looking injuries. "Go clean up and I'll let the girls fuss?"
"Sure. They shouldn't see all this but they demanded I be in here to heal." He went to Xander's room to clean up. Blood was a bitch to get out of normal clothes and he wasn't in uniform today.
Clint looked at the girls. "Are we all okay? I can find the first aid kit if we need it." They pointed at it. "Okay. Do I need to help any booboos or bigger injuries?" They shook their heads. "Want a cuddle?"
"Why did it come for Sarah?" one of the older ones demanded.
"She's second-youngest and Xander said the youngest isn't able to be gotten to. It was apparently going to start with the youngest and move up."
"Well fuck it," she said firmly. "That shit sucks and I hate demons and this shit isn't going to happen again or I'm going to kick ass like my name is Faith!"
Clint grinned, hugging her. "We'll help you get to the point where you can kick butt like Faith if you want." She sniffled. "It's reasonable to be scared," he said quietly. "Be upset and freaked out if you want." She nodded, sniffling again. The other girls came over to hug him too. Including Kennedy. He heard someone stomping in and the girls all froze. "That's a heavy footstep so it's probably Cable, girls." Cable leaned in. "They're in Xander's room." He nodded, going that way. "See? If that demon or any other one shows up tonight, we'll handle it. That way you girls can rest."
"That's my job," Kennedy said, pulling back and wiping her face off. "I need to file a report."
Clint looked at her. "If they tried another house it's already happened. If not, they probably won't."
"Those ones won't. They're dead." She went down to the office to call Giles. "It's me, I have a report. Turn on taping, Willow." She did that and Kennedy did her report. At the end she added "I'll email a formal one in the morning." Then she hung up and went back up to check on her girls. She found a machete in the living room and looked at it. "It's dull. Someone doesn't take care of her weapons."
"I got it from the vampires at the club earlier," Xander said as he came down the stairs. "Did you do a report?" She nodded, handing the machete over. "Go rest. I could've."
"I'm the senior slayer. You're a watcher. I'm less injured so it's my job." She walked off. "You should go rest."
"That was your second battle tonight, Xander." She looked back. "How many battles weren't shown with those horrors you fought down there?"
"Seventeen or so. Mostly as bad if not worse than the last hour that was shown." He smirked a tiny bit. "Go cuddle the girls." She nodded. He got the sharpening kit to do the machete to calm down. Wade was healing his stuff and hated to be watched while he healed. So he'd let Cable do that. Cable stomped down the stairs. "Wade kick you out?"
"Yup. He didn't want any help healing." He stared at the kid. "You look like hell."
"Second fight tonight. I was having a few hours of stress relief at a club that decided to fill up with vampires after I got there. So if there's a third, I'm going to totally lose it, go hyena, and kill something with my teeth." He grinned at him. "Again."
Cable nodded. "We can handle it for you so you don't have to go that hard. At least tonight." He went to check on the kids. The group of kids in one room with Pietro was still cuddling. "We all good?"
"The kids are fine. Thank you." He looked up. "I have not met you yet. I'm Quicksilver."
"Cable." He nodded. "You look like you need to clean up."
Diana looked at herself. "Yeah, shotguns leave nastiness on you. But it didn't get to eat Sarah so I'm okay with being dirty." She hugged Sarah between her and Beth, who cuddled her back.
Cable nodded. "If they need anything let us know. I'm going to help Barton with the other girls."
"We're going to have a sleepover in one room so it's safer," Diana said. The others all nodded. "We can nap with them so we're all in one room." Pietro got up with them and they went to the sparring room, settling pillows around for sleeping on. The girls ran to get their own and blankets, coming back to make a mass cuddle pile of sleepy slayers. That helped the girls calm down and Kennedy was cuddled by Sarah, which made her mind go gooey.
Barton nodded so Cable went to check on Wade and Xander. Wade was asleep on Xander's bed while he healed. Xander was carefully over-sharpening a machete still. "Go nap with Wade."
"He'd hate that. I'm good. The girls napping together like I told them to?"
"In the sparring room."
"Good. It's safer." He checked the blade, shifting to another area to work on it so it was even. "I'm good."
"I can see the vibrations, kid."
Xander scowled at him. "I'm pretty sure you've been post battle wound up, Cable. I'll handle it myself in a few hours when it won't make the girls giggle." Cable nodded, stepping back. "Go help Wade. All the skills we had but we needed weapons we didn't have." Cable went back up there but Xander went back to sharpening things. The swords needed to be sharpened too.
Wade woke up, blinking at him. "What's Xander doing?"
"Sharpening a machete to death." He closed the door. "The girls are bunked down together. You healing all right?"
"I'm fine. I'll need breakfast sometime but I'm good."
"Okay." He sat on the foot of the bed. "He's diverting attention."
"He does that better than I do."
"What's he thinking about?"
"That's snooping." Wade gave him a look. "I don't need to be eaten by the hyena either." That got a snort and a dirty look. "He's got a running monologue about how it wasn't as bad as one thing and if they come back he's going to go up there and kill them all, and a few thinking it'd be great if he had a girlfriend a bit ago. He keeps censoring that he needs a cuddle. The hyena's active and growling but calming down. He's basically babbling her into sleeping again." He frowned. "What's the other one?"
"He got possessed by a halloween costume once. He went in camos." Cable just nodded once at that. "He good?"
"Yeah, he's calming down." He got up. "Let me help Barton with the girls. They consider me scary enough to be protective."
"It's the scars," Wade quipped. He put his head back down with a sigh. "Give me a few hours."
"If we can." He went to check on the girls, making Barton look up from checking his arrows. "Go talk to the other kid," he said quietly. "I'll watch them." Clint got up and went down to talk to Xander. Cable sat down and looked at how they were laying. It was cute how cuddly they were but girls were supposed to be cute, cuddly, protected things. His daughter had been once. Then reality had hit her life. He blocked out that thought. She'd be fine until he could get back there.
Kennedy moaned and sat up, pushing her hair back. "What the fuck? That's the slayer warning." She wiggled free and headed downstairs. "Xander?"
"Your house," he admitted, looking at her. "Some of your neighbors are helping. Not the same idiot demon."
"That's good since I think it's dead." She grabbed two swords, the really sharp machete from Xander's hand, and texted a member of the coven. Who sent her home. She jumped onto the back of one of the neighbors, using him as a springboard to get the demon. "This is sick shit," she complained. "From the one in New York to here? Goddess be damned I'm going to put up with this near my minis!" She managed to take a swing at the demon's neck. It died and the second one roared, coming for her.
"Ladies, move!" she ordered. "Now!" The girls got out of the way. Kennedy sneered at the demon. "You're lesser than the one who hit New York at least." The demon rushed her and she avoided being shot by the neighbor guy who had just shown up but the demon was gutted and fell on top of Kennedy. "Ewww! Get off me!"
Eggsy helped haul the demon off her and looked down at her. "Bad night for you girls?" he asked with a grin.
"Apparently. We had demons show up to take out a young slayer for being the next-to-last called. We have this one. I'm with Xander, if there's another one I'm going up to their realm and destroying everything!" She got up and winced, holding her side. She kicked the body. "Jackass." She looked at the girls. "We good?" They all nodded. "Lying to me means I have to stress Giles or Faith out, ladies. We good?"
"Need a few stitches," one said, waving a bloody hand. "Otherwise not dead so we'll heal."
"That's fucked up," Eggsy told her. "You're not immortal, your name isn't Highlander, deal with it." They pouted. "Let's get you all cleaned up. I'll call someone to get the demon." Kennedy gave him a grateful look. "Go clean up. They'll follow your lead." She nodded, taking the injured one with her. The others followed. Eggsy called in. "Two huge demon corpses," he reported. "I'm at the slayer house near mine. The girls are totally stressed so can you bring donuts? Thanks."
"Ice cream," one of the slayers called. "Not donuts. They're guy and cop food, not slayer food."
"Some of us are hungry enough to eat an agent in a non-sexy way, ladies. I don't care what they bring as long as it's sugary," Kennedy complained.
Eggsy smiled as he repeated that. "Sure, I'm here. Thanks." The house phone rang so he answered it. "London Slayer house." He listened to the complaining. "The girls are all cleaning up. I'm one of their neighbors that showed up to help. I'll have them call you back? You're which one? I can tell her that, Rosenburg." He hung up. "Kennedy, the witch wanted a report."
"Yay," she called back, sounding sarcastic. "Later. Let me eat before I take a bite out of someone's cheeks." She came down the stairs, pinching him on the face cheek with a grin. "Some of you are sweet enough to be a full meal." She went into the kitchen.
Eggsy shook his head. "I'd hate to be a cannibal's feast. Thanks though."
She grinned out at him. "Not a problem. Let me eat something and I'll flirt some more for stress relief." He gave her an odd look. "Not like I have someone to come cuddle the stress away and we're all pretty sure you're not into girls like us."
"I have been in the past. Right now I'm mostly on duty."
She grinned. "It's good to relax after battles." She came out with coffee for him and her then went back upstairs with a sigh. "That's going to be a bitch to mop up. I need to get the maid service in tomorrow. I do not want to clean up demon blood."
"If you do call the maid ladies, can they do the kitchen and bathrooms with our rooms too?"
"Nope. I agree with Xander. There's chores and we're not that weak." They sighed but nodded. "But I can agree it can be done tomorrow. We're all too tired tonight." Someone pounded on the door, making most of the girls flinch and yelp. "Demons don't knock unless it's a magical assault. Then we call Willow." The girls calmed down and went back to handling injuries. She went down to talk to the agents. "Sorry about the mess, guys. I went from calming down in New York after an attack to one here."
"I can imagine you not being amused at another attack tonight. Is this a random thing?"
"The one in New York was to get a baby slayer who's second youngest of the group. The youngest is in some mythical city." The agents nodded. "No idea why these showed up." She sipped her coffee. "That's nice." One of the agents handed her a small box, making her grin when she opened it and found donuts. "Bless you! It's been a long day since I was flying to New York all day." She settled in to eat. The others came down to get their own donuts and then went to hide in their rooms. Kennedy sniffed and grimaced. "Whoever's room that is that just stank up the house, clean it! Tonight!" she yelled. "We do not need that sort of stink! Your name is not Deadpool!"
"Yes, Kennedy," the girls called. They found which room stank and got it cleaned up with that girl. She had hidden food that was now rotten and drawing bugs.
Kennedy looked at Eggsy. "I've been meaning to ask. Can you help train with the girls? The ones in New York work with some of the costumed sorts and train with some of them."
"Yeah, I can do that. I can ask our trainers if they'd pop around now and then too."
"Please." She grinned. "I'm doing good teaching them what I know but I don't know guns or firing weapons. I can't do that parkour stuff you can do. The girls could save their lives with that stuff."
"Yeah, we can ask the trainers or I can come help, Kennedy."
She grinned. "Thanks. You're a great neighbor."
"Just glad I got home tonight to help." He shook his head but grinned at her. "Healers?"
"Nothing that huge. We have accelerated healing so we'll probably be fine but super hungry for breakfast." He nodded, helping the agents move the bodies. She finished her four-pack of donuts and sighed in pleasure, finishing her coffee. She drifted off there. The agents weren't going to attack her so she was mostly safe. She only curled up some when Eggsy covered her with a couch blanket before leaving to sit guard on the house.
Eggsy called in. "Kennedy asked if we could come help train the girls in firing weapons and parkour stuff," he reported. "She can't do it well enough so she asked. Two large demons. The second was going down as I got here. Thanks, Merlin." He hung up and relaxed on his front porch so he could watch the slayer house for anything unusual. He had to throw a knock out bag at someone who appeared but she was clearly a witch so probably bad news. He got her picked up for deporting the next morning and relaxed again.
Merlin showed up, looking over there. "That's Rosenburg. Nice shot."
"Glad I could." He looked at him. "Kennedy had a shit day today. Flew to New York, had an attack there on the house, then got brought home to this one."
"Sounds like it was rough all over yesterday. Let me take the lass away." He went to grab the witch. Some sub-dermal sedative and she was out for a good while. They could put her on a plane to Cleveland so she woke up on it. She could take a hint. He came back to talk to Kennedy over breakfast about the training the girls could use. He did spar with her and one of the other older girls and told them where they could use help. She agreed they needed some sparring time with others too. He said he'd work them into some outside sparring for Eggsy and other agents. She hugged him around the arm so he told her about Rosenburg, making her cackle as she leaned against him. He patted her on the arm, getting free. The girls were all happy girls and that was the greatest gift they had.
Xander quit drifting off on the couch when he heard a lighter footstep on the stairs, looking out there. He nodded at Wade. "You probably won't wake them up unless they're waking each other up," he said quietly. "Not sure what's in the kitchen though."
"I can scrounge, Xander. You eat yet?"
"Not yet. I will later. Go ahead and make food if you find it." He put his head back against the back of the couch, watching the entry area. It was the only place where demons could get in.
Wade came in to stare at him. "When was the last time you ate?"
"Last night sometime before I went to the club to blow off stress? The girls left me some for a change."
"Maybe you need less girls up here?"
"Most of them are good."
"You're always starving because the house is out of food, Xander."
"Yeah. The slayers eat a ton. They need like six thousand calories a day."
Wade winced. "That is a lot. What about other foods?"
"What other foods? I spend six hundred every week on groceries for the house. They hoover it down," he said quietly. He could hear the girls moving in the sparring room. "We might have to save Barton."
"He's an Avenger, he can save himself from cuddly girls." He stared at him. "Would shopping at a bulk place help?"
"I do." He got up with a groan, going into the office. He found the last grocery receipt in the file it should be in, holding it up. Wade winced. "They eat a lot because they need it."
"Damn that's long." He took it to look over. Then sighed as he handed it back. "Can you slip in another fifty so you get food?"
"I make four meals a day. I get food at least two of them."
"You need more than that. You're skinny again." People stomped in. "Hey, Xander, thugs are here."
Xander came out to look at them. "What do you guys want?"
"You're to answer allegations that you're associating with demons," one of the watchers said.
"Only kitten poker. Which is something we all do."
"You called in a deal," one said smugly.
"I called in a poker debt."
"To a higher demon. Which poker hall has higher demons?"
"I won the debt off a Forenth." Xander shrugged. "Beyond that, all I asked for the debt payment was some knowledge of who and what was attacking the house, the spell to stop them, and enough energy to live through it." They stared at him. He nodded. "Not the first time I had to make that sort of debt payment. I had two in Africa."
"You used magic."
"Yeah. We had a realm breach. I woke up to another me telling me he had to wake up my magic to protect everyone. Which is something handy. It goes really well with my finding gift when I'm looking for mystical artifacts. Though I still haven't found my wand in a few weeks of cleaning and looking. I need to do a room check."
"I can have Barton ask them," Wade said dryly.
"Shut up, demon," one of the watchers said.
"Not a demon, douche hole."
"This is Deadpool," Xander said with a head nod. "He's helped by sparring with the girls and helps me when I'm on solo patrols but run into high levels of stupid. Or he falls in for bigger battles." They all looked horrified. "The scars are due to torture, people. Leave him alone. His former girlfriend was a female voice of reason for the girls until he lost her."
The watchers shared a look before looking at him. "You have been spending more than the other houses."
"No I haven't. The budgetary guy and I had to talk about how he had screwed up the budget so we remade it on a call with Giles." One slumped. "Some houses are padding their budgets but not this one. That's why we're always broke and going to the grocery store."
"Oh." They shared another look. "Why are you all cut up?"
"Two fights yesterday. I was taking a few hours off before I beat one of the girls and had vampires show up in a club when I only had a stake and a pocket knife. After dealing with a whole clan's worth." They shuddered. "I came back here to clean up and had a fairly high level demon show up to take out Sarah, the second-youngest slayer. And this house is almost bare of weapons so it wasn't a great battle either. So yeah, I'm in a charming mood this morning and I'm pretty well cut up."
"We can take the slayers from you," one said smugly.
Xander punched him, knocking him down. "You should probably brush your teeth more often with how much pubic hair is stuck in your teeth." The others gasped at that. "Beyond that.... Yes, Halfrek?" The demon who had taken over the role of Halfrek appeared. "I felt you paying attention. Am I breaking some rules with the girls that's upsetting you?"
"No," she said, smiling and shaking her head. "Not in the least. They're good, healthy girls. Here is a lot better to the girls than most of the houses."
"I'll gladly take notes to pass on to Giles," he said with a grin. That watcher he hit got up and tried to hit him back so Xander hit him again, knocking him down and out this time. "Good. Stay down. She's the Vengeance over Lost Childhoods lady."
"She's a demon."
"Those jobs are hired for, not birthright," Xander told them. "And if the ultimate social worker says something's wrong, she'd know." He looked at her again, grinning some. "Is there something I can or need to do right now?"
"That Russell kid could use a mentor because the school is bothering him."
"Okay. I can talk to Rogue about that. We already know he's healing from torture. Is Rogue going to be enough of one or should I teach him to be a watcher?"
"I doubt he'll be able to handle the battle duties," she admitted, shifting her weight. "You know they come in threes, right?"
He sighed but nodded. "Yup, I do. Who has my wand?"
"Use the staff, Xander. Use the staff a lot." He grabbed it, tossing Wade a few swords, and then hit the emergency switch for the house that took it out of phase. The upper levels were in a totally different location than the bottom of the house. She blinked, then smiled. "Nice!"
"Thank you. Is the demon coming here or upstairs?"
"Here. You protected them very well." She patted him on the cheek. "Bethany has your wand but she may have broken it."
"I'll see if one of the other Xanders can fix it."
"Good boy." She patted his cheek hard with a grin. "And get some rest. Your temper's pretty high."
"I've had brats recently."
"I know. It's not your fault. The trio of brainless brats did it." She patted him again then smiled at the watchers. "You guys do so good doing some higher level demon's plans. Thanks." They groaned. "It's a plot to get rid of the people actually doing the job. Not like you guys fight in battles." Xander shook his head. "Or handle emergencies like the attack in a few minutes. So now you can." She smiled and disappeared.
Wade looked at the swords. "I'm used to katanas." He went to look over the swords but decided to stick with Xander's personal one. "Go eat, kid. You have to have some food."
"I'll throw it up during the battle. Nag me afterwards, dear." A demon appeared and roared. "Shut the fuck up!" he shouted with Wade following along. "You're noisy and it's early!" Wade burst out laughing. Xander looked at him, shrugging some. "Want to come to the Xander convention with me? It's in a few weeks." He grinned. "Great food, a few of us there that share information? I won't even say you're my date since most of us bring our significant others."
"I might do that. Sounds like fun. Clubbing?"
"Last time we did. We went to Hunter Xander's world to club. His people are having a heaven vs hell fight and we creeped out hell." He grinned. "You'd love Lavelle." The demon lunged so Xander defeated it and blew it up. Which brought that one's master. "Oh, one of you." He licked his lips. "Deadpool, this is Queen Marthesa. She's the demon queen of a plane that attacked in the Ivory Coast. That battle was not shown because it destroyed a town and a military unit. Then she ate some. Which was when I found out."
"Pleasure," he said with a grin and a slight bow with his sword. "Did you come to flirt with Xander? He could use a date."
"Humans are too weak for one such as me," she sneered.
"You'd be shocked," he quipped.
"No, I've heard about your prowess from the higher ones that brag thanks to your ex-girlfriend." She gave him a smug look. "I desire a tribute."
"Fuck off. I don't give out victims. And if you touch the mini slayers I'll destroy your whole realm."
"You can't do that," she said with a laugh.
"Did I not destroy the one next to you that got you on your throne?" She quit laughing. "I can do it again. Keep pissing me off by coming near my minis." Another demon showed up. "Aww, your son. Are you screwing him yet?" She sneered, pulling a large blade. Her son followed along and got his head blown off by Cable from the stairs. "Thanks, dear."
"Welcome, Harris. Mind on the battle."
Xander grinned at him. "I'm the reason she has her throne." She lunged at him again and he defeated her after a few minutes and the watchers trying to shoot her but it wasn't working. Xander got a cut on his butt but just yelped and let himself stab her harder. She screamed and died. Xander plucked the crown off her head, looking at it. "Hmm. What to do with you." A young female of their species showed up with a scream to lunge at him to get the crown. She lost to Wade's swords.
Another female demon showed up and bowed, keeping Xander in sight. "I would want to take over our realm, Hunter."
"I'm Watcher Xander Harris."
"I know of you," she admitted, staying respectful. "While the crown is rightfully yours by conquest you would be very bored in our court. I can take the crown and keep most of our people off your realm. It would be a pleasure to redo our realm so our people don't need to show up elsewhere to get killed. Thankfully not our brightest came today. You saw what our army can do and we saw what yours can do," she said when Xander bounced the crown in his hand. "I will vow not to allow anyone to reappear on this realm for at least a hundred years. If they show up without my permission we will help you punish them if you hand them to us."
Xander looked at the watchers then at Cable, who nodded. Xander tossed her the crown. "If you break that, I'll come take it again."
"I understand. Thank you, Watcher Harris." She took a sword out to behead her mother, her sister, and her brother, taking the heads back with her. The rest of the jewels on her family could be given to that hunter for not smiting her immediately. She walked into the throne room, finding they had been scrying. She stepped up and looked at the crown then put it on before sitting down. "We will not bother the humans. It does not end well for us. I would not want our best warriors or brightest minds to be lost going up against those like Watcher Harris. Especially since he allowed my mother to gain the throne originally."
On earth, Xander looked at the watchers, shrugging some. "I knew the PTB told others how Anya bragged about our sex life. I've had that charming offer six or seven other times from hell gods and goddesses." He walked off. "Let me get some water. I can feel magic waiting. Want water, guys?"
"Please," Wade agreed, going with him. He cornered Xander in the kitchen. "You good?" he asked quietly.
"I'm going to destroy the demon that sent them." He got them both some ice water in a glass, sipping his as he went out to strip the riches off the bodies. "Hey, food fund."
"Xander, you have to start an emergency stash," Wade reminded him as he followed him. "You don't have any emergency stash stuff hidden."
"I know but the girls have to come first."
"The girls don't have the duty until they're older unless they're attacked," Cable said. "Protect yourself for now because no one else will protect those girls the way you do." Xander nodded. They got all the jewels and money off the bodies, then dumped them out back. Xander set them on fire with a wave of his staff. Then the staff went onto the table in the entryway. Xander leaned against the wall to sip his water. "What about your new guns?"
"I wanted something specific so Henry's looking for me. It'll be expensive though."
"Probably a few hundred," Wade agreed.
"That's ridiculous. They're cheating you."
Xander shot him a look. "Not a lot of other choice. I know they don't consider me one of them and most of them consider me a crazy asshole who handles things that make them so scared they pee themselves. I get a lot of hate from that sort of thing from everyone, including the NYPD and SHIELD. Nothing new there, Wade."
"Fine." He waved a hand. "We'll talk about it when the thugs leave." They stared at him. "Well...."
"I..." The one Xander had hit stared at him. "You're not what we expected."
"No, I'm not a highborn stuffed ass like you guys are," Xander agreed. "I grew up pretty rough and never changed when I jumped in to help Buffy. I'm not changing. I changed during Africa to my final form and I'm not metamorphing up again unless I ascend to a higher power." They shuddered at that. "Hey, it's been offered." He grinned. The sorcerer that showed up Xander glared at. He looked at the watchers again. "Any other concerns?"
"No, lad," one of the others said. "Sorcerer."
"I felt magic."
"Yours?" Xander quipped. "It's still keeping the house unable to be walked out of some days. Since you helped break the fidelus." Stephen Strange backed away from him. "You nearly got a lot of girls dead. Should that happen, you'll go meet your God." He finished his water. "Anything else since you're not the waiting magic feeling I have?"
"I... I do not know of what you speak."
Xander snorted. "Don't play dumb, Strange. I had to uncurse your enemy after you broke the fidelus on the house for him and others. I'm the reason you're not possessed right now. Even if you did have to replace some windows." He stared him down. "Why did you show up here? Are you bringing that magic feeling being here? Because I can damn sure make you meet your god today if I have to."
"I felt evil magic. Why are you mad at me?"
"Clearly, you have some hearing damage," Cable said, coming over to stare at him. "You broke the protections on the house, which endangered the slayers' lives. You nearly got a bunch of little girls killed. Do you expect him to clap and welcome you with open arms, fuck nugget?"
"I...I am not aware...."
Xander pulled up his staff. "Can you show him?" he asked it. Then he tapped it on the floor. Strange yelled as the vision was shown to him. Xander stared at him when he came out of it. "So? Are you the reason that we probably have another battle coming?"
"I did not mean to do anything of the like," he admitted, rubbing his forehead looking pained. "I..."
Xander shrugged. "I don't care. I know damn well you're not an ally most of the time. You've proved that a few times recently. Hell, even Dawn said you're not right." The demon appeared and Xander looked at it. "Are you the next battle?"
"No," the demon said with a grin. "I came to bring you a plea." He held up the envelope.
"Give me a few? I have to yell at someone for nearly getting all the girls dead." He glared at the sorcerer. "Then me and a few of the X-Men by locking the house so you can't really walk out of it sometimes." Strange felt and winced. "You can't fix it until I bring the kids back," he said, grabbing the hand he was pulling up magic with. "Which won't be for twelve hours. Maybe you should spend it in meditation so you get right with the universe." He stared at him. "Shoo. Go."
"That's a higher level demon," he said with a point.
"Yeah. He asked to give me a blow job once when I was in Africa." Xander shrugged. "I could've used it but I didn't want to reciprocate." The demon laughed and nodded. "Shoo. Before you damage the girls. Again." The sorcerer groaned but had to walk out of the house to leave. Xander looked at the demon. "Wade, go unpower the keystone please. Just remove it." Cable went to do it. "It'll take some delicate touching, Cable. Too hard means it'll break and I'll have to start over finding a crystal. It'll take a year or so to do that."
"Or more since that realm's closed," the demon said. He handed over the envelope. Xander read it and groaned. "They're calling in that debt."
Xander nodded. "It's been a hugely shitty day," he admitted. "I can't even find my axe."
"Sucks but you promised to protect their prince when you delivered him."
Xander sighed but looked at Wade. "Let me grab a few things." He felt the shields go down and hit the button to return the upper levels. Then he went to gather his axe, some food, some clothes in his pack. "Okay. Just bring me back to about here and now." The demon laughed but took him off. Xander reappeared a few minutes later looking rougher, scruffy, and tired.
"I so need to quit running into Varant armies." He handed Wade his pack. "Armory," he said with a point. "Please? I need a burger." He walked off to the kitchen, throwing something in the microwave to turn it on. He peed and washed his hands, coming out to rescue his food to eat as he walked past the group again. "The realm of Moral is saved and healthy. The prince is healthy and has ethics. So we're good."
"Why did you promise to protect him?" one of the watchers asked.
"I delivered him." Xander looked at him. "His mother fell into our camp one night while in labor because her husband tried to banish her and the kid so he wouldn't have to give up his throne some year. I delivered the kid and protected him from a lower level demon. Which apparently was a promise to protect him. His father's now overthrown. His mother's not sitting as regent because she's selfish.
"He's on the throne and their civil war is stopped. They have nice weapons though." He grinned. The watchers shuddered but left to report to the others. Xander sighed, heading into the armory. He undid his pack to let Wade pull out the weapons. "I need to trade that one for smaller somethings," he admitted. "It's too big to use down here." He ate another bite.
"How long?" Wade asked.
"Sixteen months. Mostly of negotiations but two personal battles when I got challenged. I won both but the second I was in stupidly bad shape afterwards. They tried to tell me I lost but I kicked their asses as they made the statement so he had to retract it before the people ripped him apart." He finished his sandwich. "So we're fine again." Clint came down the stairs carefully. "We're good," he called. "It's done."
Barton leaned in, staring at him. "What the hell happened?"
"It's an emergency out of phase thing. I'll have to reset it when I redo the protections since we had to remove the crystal holding most of them." Cable handed it over. "Thanks, man." He went to reinstall it and redo the protections. He felt that shield come down and put up his own, and a firmer fidelus, but let those who were in the house know. He sent out a few text messages with the address to counter the spell. Then he went back to the armory. Clint was staring at a bomb oddly. "I won it winning the duel."
"Yeah, sure," Clint said with a nod. "What duel?"
"I got summoned to protect a kid I delivered."
"Like, you had?" he asked quietly.
"No! His mom got banished to where I was camping so I ended up delivering the baby."
"Wow," Clint said with a nod. "Never had that happen."
"Lucky you. I've had two I've delivered." Xander shrugged but grinned. "He's fine now. And we still don't have stuff for the upcoming battle." An imp showed up with a note, letting Xander take it before it disappeared. Xander opened the damp note, looking at it. "The ink ran," he called, looking up. It got rewritten magically. "Oh, that. Sure, I'd like to have more weapons. I'm not making a deal for it but yeah I'd always like more weapons."
"If I know I might have to tell someone." Clint walked off. "The girls went back to sleep when we were out of phase."
"I need to get some more food," Xander sighed, walking off.
"Nope," Deadpool said, pulling Xander back so he could go talk to him. With Cable's help since it was one of those manly talks they had to have.
The imp reappeared and huffed. Xander came back to get that note and walked off giggling. "Sure, I'll handle that one that wanted me to worship him. Of course I will." The imp shuddered but left again. Xander chuckled at that leaving. He nearly skipped off to handle it but Cable caught him first. "I can go handle that."
"I'm sure you can." The imp reappeared so Cable took the note this time. "Yeah, I'll help with that. It's bad for the world." The imp tried to touch his gun. "Don't you fucking dare," he warned. The imp ran from that. He looked at Xander. "Why is he telling you about a cult to Mephisto?"
"Because I know him kinda. I stripped for him one night in Oxnard after they held a bachelor party." He grinned. "I introduced the Hood to him."
"You're warped, you little shit." Cable smirked. "Nearly as badly as that fucking nut over there."
Wade grinned and waved. "I don't know that many demons outside the poker halls."
Xander grinned at him. "Want introduced?"
"No. Thanks anyway."
Xander shrugged but grinned. "Okay. Can I go pee now?"
"Fine. Then we'll take some of that stuff to set up your emergency stash, Xander." Xander nodded, walking off to deal with things for himself. The girls were sneaking down to get breakfast so maybe it'd be a mostly normal day.
Rogue got the text message when she got up and groaned as she flopped back into her pillows. She thought about it then got up and got ready for the day, going to talk to Russell. The kid needed a friend and a mentor. She could do that. She waited until he ate then walked him off. "Let's talk." She looked at him. "We have tight ties in this house to the local slayer house," she said quietly as she walked him off.
"One of them wrote that the vengeance demon over lost childhoods came to talk to him about you." He winced. "Not that you're a problem but she thought maybe you were having some troubles adjusting to being here." She stopped him to look at him. "Are you being bullied or anything?" He shook his head. "No problems?"
"I think I'm okay. It's nicer here."
She grinned. "We all came here from a shitty place, sugar. I came after I ran away from my mother, may Satan some day have her soul. A lot of other kids here have had it worse than me, or you. And if you're having problems we want to know. I'm not the stick up the butt sort that Summers, Ororro, or Hank are. Logan's not either and he used to be military so he's seen it all before. Can you come talk to one of us if you need to?"
"I'm fine," he said, getting free and backing away.
She sighed. "If you're sure. Just remember, if you let loose on a student they'll send you out of here," she said quietly. "And then you'll have nothing. Can you pretend to get along for a few years?"
"I'll be fine. I can go hang with Deadpool."
"He's working with the slayers a lot these days. Who're really nice girls, but they shop a lot and have fight practice every day after school. Plus Xander's a hardass about being a big brother sometimes."
"He is?" He was trying not to pout but that explained why Wade hadn't answered his call the other day he guessed.
"Yeah. The girls need his skills. He jumps into battles too. He does a lot for a lot of people. And hey, if you want, we can call to see if he'll show up sometimes."
"I... I just don't fit in. Everyone here is so soft."
"Yeah, we try to relax around here. Not all of us are soft, kid. Plenty of us are on response teams."
"I could do that."
"You gotta learn control and you gotta get along. The only surly guy who's a loner but on a team is Logan." She gave him a pointed look. "If so, they'd form a team of people around your age and skill level. Right now, there's not a lot of them that have the right sort of skills and aptitudes for that sort of thing. You have to be quick on your feet and thoughts. As Xander tells the slayers, your mind is your best weapon. It's not all using our skills. A lot of times it's hitting something a whole lot.
"And you suck at that so far. But you're mid puberty so it'll get better in a few years." She smiled slightly. "We all went through it. I was still at home and my mother went on a rant about me being a girl but hating all those cutesy things that left me with scars by the time she got done." He shuddered. "So for now we need to get you set up so you can build muscle. You'll need it no matter what in life. Stronger is always better and it'll help you with your last few growth spurts." Russell nodded that was true. "I'm going to put Logan over your training."
"He's kinda mean."
She grinned and nodded. "He won't put up with a lot of slacking either but he can get you where you need to be if you wanna be on a response team." Russell nodded, swallowing hard. "He'll also pay some attention to your schoolwork. Because if you don't have at least a 'B' you won't be on a team, ever. That's the rules we all live by and I got booted twice for my grades." She smiled at him and used her gloved hand to pat him on the cheek.
"You'll be fine. It's a huge thing to get used to having someone who gives a damn but you'll make it, Russell. Most of us started in the same place. Only Scott and Jean had good upbringings. Well, and maybe Storm but hers was weird." She looked around. "Have you met Remy yet? Remy?" He looked over and came wandering over. "This is Russell. He came from that group home that Deadpool and Colossus freed."
"Hey," Remy said with a nod. He looked him over. "We need to get you into the gym, Russell. It'll help and make the girls feel sorry for ya when you're sore." He grinned. "Worked for me in my young years." He walked off again.
"I'm going to introduce him to Logan," she called after him.
"I'll warn 'im you're making more work for him, cher."
"Thanks, Remy." She grinned at the kid. "Remy's from a family that does assassination things." Russell blinked a few times so she grinned back. "None of us here are boring people sorts. You'll get used to it and find the you who you want to be. Even if you are a flaming asshole underneath. Sure enough that Scott is sometimes." She spotted Scott and Logan coming in arguing. "There he is." She walked Russell that way, getting a grimace from Scott. "Not here for you," she quipped.
"Good. Are you here to turn in your late English essay?"
"No. I did that yesterday before it was late. It's on your desk. Go do your paperwork instead of sulking."
"For that, I'll make sure you flunk it," Scott complained.
She grinned. "More time to go shop with the slayers." She smiled at Logan, who grunted since he was drinking coffee. "This is Russell."
"I saw his file." He looked at the kid. "We'll see where your skills go, kid. You might graduate mostly normal and regular." He shrugged. "Rogue won't but you might." He walked the kid off to talk to him. He had seen his full file from Colossus. That plus Rogue personally handing him over, the kid was a problem or was having problems.
"Xander's text said Halfrek was concerned about him," she called after them quietly. Logan waved back. She grinned at Scott, who walked off sighing. "Speaking of, I need to get a new dress for the school dress."
"You have chemistry in an hour," Scott called back. "If you skip, you're grounded."
"Fine." She rolled her eyes, getting some breakfast to go upstairs. She had some stuff in her closet that she hadn't let anyone see yet. And a few were because they were pretty baring. Then she went to talk to Miss Frost about girl stuff. She found her in her office. "Miss Frost, can I ask a question? A sex sorta question?"
"Of course, Rogue. What sort?"
"How can I have sex with my gift?"
Emma considered it. "Mostly covered but with a female condom?"
Rogue frowned, blinking a few times. "Storm never said anything about them during sex ed last year."
"Oh, dear. She is uptight so that doesn't surprise me much." She waved the girl in to go over what female condoms were and how you used them. That and some crotchless panties should cure her need for sex. Or maybe some sex toys to try out at first. It was always better to know your own body before you involved someone else who didn't understand it. Most men had no idea what to do with a woman's body, or their own in her experience.
Rogue came down for the school dance in a dress that was kind of daring. It wasn't uncovering in any way. Xander had handed it to her when he came to pick up the slayers from their last shopping trip because she had been trying to decide between two baiting dresses. This one was tight to her very nice body. She worked hard and it showed. The dress had long sleeves, and a mock turtleneck so it covered everything to her knees. Her gloves were changed to something a bit more fancy for the night. Her heels were cute but lower for comfort. She walked past Hank McCoy, making him stare in awe. "I did learn how to be a girl from my not missed mother," she complained.
"Clearly. That looks nice on you." She smiled at that but went out to where the dance was going to be. The music had been started so she pulled a few kids out to teach them the moves the slayers had taught her. It helped and they were having fun, giggling and happy, on the floor within minutes. She smiled at the man who came out to put out the punch bowl. "Remy, come dance with us."
"Remy doesn't do any of that wild dancing, cher." He looked and nearly let his mouth open. "Well. Remy would be damned if he wasn't sensible."
She punched him on the arm with a grin. "You aren't that sensible, you cheat at cards against Logan." He snorted but looked amused until a few of the younger students pulled him onto the dance floor. "I know, you learned how to waltz instead but it's not that hard. Just follow the bass beat, Remy," she teased with an evil grin. "You have smooth moves elsewhere; it should translate." He shot over a low powered glare but she loved teasing him. Bobby came over to try to separate her but she gave him a dirty look. "You can join us. We don't mind boys." He snorted but pouted a bit. "That's why you're single."
He stomped off but the others ignored him. Bobby was sulky and they all knew it. She went back to dancing. Remy was staring a bit but she knew he was out of her league. She could hope but that wasn't a good idea. She nearly squealed when she saw a familiar big figure on the edge of the gazebo floor dancing with his girlfriend. Or whatever they had decided to be. She winked at the others and nodded at Remy then over there. He grinned back. It was cute. Kara was nearly plastered to Colossus' front while they danced. Remy took her from the kids to dance with, making her smile. "I admit, you're good."
"Remy is good at many things." She grinned up at him. "You're still too damn young."
"I know. But I can be a good, flirty tease for years yet."
"Hmm. You are. Too good at it."
"Then again, we could all die tomorrow when we're attacked."
"Too true." He looked her over again, making her blush. "Remy should be careful of you. Some day you might outdo Natasha."
"That's a compliment," she laughed. "Thank you."
"Welcome." Logan came out with Russell so she took him to dance with instead. The kid needed a lot more friends. Russell nearly drooled on her. She grinned at him. "Good girls don't do things like you're thinking. Quit blushing." He ducked his head but did quit blushing. Logan was shaking his head so she made him dance the next song with her. "Ha! Got you out here."
"You're sneaky, Rogue, but not subtle."
"Hell no. I haven't learned subtle yet." She nodded behind them and he looked, and relaxed. She winked and turned to dance against him, making him groan but hand her to Remy with a shove. She yelped but Remy caught her and helped her steady herself. "Logan's grumpy. We need to buy him a hooker."
Remy burst out laughing. "Don't know who'd put up with him. Maybe Xander though." She grinned at that idea.
"I don't swing that way," Logan called.
"Fine. Still too grumpy." She danced with Remy for a few more songs then the girls pulled her over to dance with them again. It was hot and a few guys were sweaty. The boyfriends were jealous. The ones that didn't have a boyfriend were getting long looks over. And she was still hot enough to set fires with her hips.
Remy was now getting himself a more adult drink than punch. "She's deadly tonight."
Logan looked at him. "The only ones who'd say anything is Storm, the Professor, and Bobby."
"Not into the too young."
"Point. One more year and she's legal. And possibly graduated and going on to college."
Remy looked at him. "You suck at matchmaking." He walked off to see if Piotr was ready to talk yet. No, he was still dancing with Kara. He cleared his throat, making Kara grin at him. "You guys back?"
"Xander saved you a room. Or should we expect you over breakfast?"
She looked up, getting a shrug back. "Don't know yet." She smiled. "I'm getting away from puking slayers because they messed up the birth control prayers."
"Seen some that did," Remy agreed. "Professor's out here."
She winked at him. "It's cool, Remy. Thanks." He walked off and she snuggled back into Piotr's arms. "It's chilly tonight."
"It is." He cuddled her.
"We should see daylight between all couples," the Professor sent mentally so everyone heard it.
"Mine," she called. "But thanks." She grinned and waved at a few of the kids. "I'm finally healed. The Bahamas are in the middle of a storm. And we're escaping the pregnant slayer who's puking everywhere." They went back to dancing and talking about college things. He was still in regular classes and had to get a few assignments handed in tomorrow.
Scott strolled over. "Put some space between you," he said with a grin.
She waved a hand at him. "We're good." She smiled.
He looked at her. "I take it you're healthy again?"
"Yup," she quipped, grinning at him. "And I've come into that last slayer growth spurt that makes me a bitch in heels too." He walked off giggling. She looked up.
"I prefer you to be the nice girl I first met," he complained.
"I am for you." She winked. He snorted but looked amused. "We might have to save Xander."
"We can check tomorrow. When we wake up." She winked, shifting to tease him better. He growled. "You do many dirty things to my mind, Kara."
She smiled up at him. "Good. It makes you growl like Logan and I find that hot." He laughed but walked her off to go celebrate being back at the school.
Down in the classrooms, Storm looked up and sighed. She knew that squeal. "It's good he's back with her. Even if she is noisy." Another squeal and then something hit a door very hard and that something screamed. She went to look, finding an intruder. "Who is he?" she asked. "Kara, PIotr, nice to have you back."
Kara grinned. "He's the kid that tried to stalk Rogue at the mall a few weeks before I left."
"Full memories back?" Storm asked, smiling at her.
"Mostly. Piotr cured it. I'm not sure it if was the scalp massages or the sex but my memory's fantastic." She grinned smugly, walking her blushing boyfriend off. "Come rub my ouchies, PIotr."
"I usually do," he agreed, following her to see what hurt. When it turned out to be an ache he had caused that made it so she couldn't sit, he had a good healing method for that.
Storm looked at the young boy. "Rogue may not touch anyone. Her gifts forbid it." He pouted. "I'd go home and forget you came out here tonight." The kid ran off. She went back to her classroom, not noticing Rogue and Remy talking in the kitchen about another student who was having a problem. She did hear Kara squeaking though. She was quite loud when she was happy.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. Any original characters or plot are the property of the author. No claims are being made as to the actions or orientation of the actual actors, and none of this is meant to say anything about them. No copyright infringement is intended. No money is being made from this work.