Chaos, Magnified. by Voracity2
Summary: Merging to solve big problems can be confusing. Especially when you get two or three Xanders together. Or two or three Tony Starks.
Categories: Buffy Stories & Crossovers > Avengers, Buffy Stories & Crossovers > Losers, Buffy Stories & Crossovers > Other TV Characters: None
Series: Old Ones, Chaos GHS, Coda Redux
Chapters: 3 Completed: Yes Word count: 54453 Read: 46953 Published: 08/19/2015 Updated: 08/19/2015

1. Part 1 by Voracity2

2. Part 2 by Voracity2

3. Part 3 by Voracity2

Part 1 by Voracity2
Notes: it's Josette's fault, but Jaderose, Dennis, and William all gave ideas too.

Chaos, Magnified.

Across the multiple universes, a few of the many versions of Xander woke up gasping from a bad dream that had to be a vision. A few got up to send messages to the others about it. Booknerd Xander or even Lavelle would know how to handle it. The GHS members that had the visions all winced but they knew what it was about. One of them told Comic Book shop owner Xander to tell Godly Xander and Lavelle. Lavelle probably knew, he had the second biggest collection of comic books outside the comic book store's collection, but he might not have read that plotline.

Lavelle got to Godly Xander's realm in time to hear Phil Coulson gasp awake and then turn to try to wake his mate Xander. Lavelle walked in there, sending a small zap of energy at that Xander, making him blink at them. "Didn't you get the vision?"

"No, I did," Phil complained, rubbing his eyes. "That wasn't our Stark. He was younger." He looked at Lavelle, sighing at the grin. "Can we fix it?"

"Can anyone really stop a Stark when they've got a bad idea?" Lavelle quipped back with a grimace.

"Yes," Godly Xander said, getting up. He was naked but oh well. He manifested a robe as he appeared in Stark's house, hauling him out of the bed. Steve Rogers tried to grab him but he swatted him back into his nap. Pepper almost woke up but he kept her down too. He went back to his temple with Stark, who he released before going to make coffee. "Huge shit just got seen but it's not our you," he said as he walked off. "Phil had the vision with Lavelle."

Stark looked at the not-his-Xander, who had white hair and was wearing a male kimono, then at his personal deity. "Okay, what vision?"

"You don't really pray to me," Phil said dryly. "Because I heard that thought."

Stark glared at him. "It's three in the morning and you get all the ones I don't dedicate to Pepper or Steve's abs. So, problems?"

Dawn showed up with a yawn, her mate and the kids with them. "Wow, which other Stark was that creating the AI that tried to take out humanity?"

"Little chaosy GHS Xander's," Lavelle said with an evil smirk.

"Aww, the baby one that the Devon coven made come into being to fulfill a prophecy?" Lavelle nodded, grimacing at that reminder. "Has he seen that prophecy?"

"I think he's already done that. He faced down Loki to postpone his issues during the invasion in New York," Godly Xander said. He sipped his coffee, letting the others pour their own cups. "How do we stop it beyond warning him?"

"I say we pull a textbook case of crack," Dawn said. "Which means you, me, Lavelle, and whoever gets to merge his realm with another Xander's realm for a bit to get them help." She sipped her coffee, looking at the kids then at Stark, then at Phil. "We could send them to another stronger, mechanical, geeky Xander's realm to handle it together."

"Hold up. I did what?" Stark demanded. "It's way too early for this level of complaining."

Clint looked at him. "I saw it when Dawn had the vision. You created an AI outside of JARVIS to spare us some work. Instead it decided humanity was the faulty thing that was keeping everyone from having peace. So it created some final peace." Stark slumped, shaking his head. "Not you, but another you."

"Who is in a world of hurt," Godly Xander quipped. "So much level of bullshit."

"I remember that plotline but I hated it," Lavelle admitted. "Let me get comic book geek me to write it out for us." The mailbox dinged with a message, from traveling Xander. "Or him. Mr. Multiverse and multi-planet said that this is going to be a world changing event for their world. He said he talked to comic book Xander and he said it changed the universe in the comics majorly. Not as much as the current 'secret wars' thing is doing but he said the comic book was scarily messy and led to a civil war among the heros."

"We're basing this on comic book information?" Stark asked.

Traveling Xander showed up in his special wardrobe, walking out with a comic book. He held it up. "Yeah, we are."

Stark took it to look at, grimacing. "I did consider this and then Buffy got pregnant."

Clint took it to look through. "How bad?"

"Killed many a hero. Killed a few cities worth of humanity." They shared a look. "Led to a hero registration, or a mutant registration depending on which realm you're in, act that led to Stark vs. Captain Rogers. All sorts of nasty."

Stark looked at him. "Why would it go there?" That Xander went back into his special wardrobe and came back with another comic book, this time a graphic novel compendium of the plotline. He flipped through it, skimming the story. He winced. "That sucks." He looked up. "This me needs to man up."

"That you got Captain America shot, for a while. He came back to life," Godly Xander said. "Clint took the shield for a few weeks until Bucky stepped up."

"Bucky's his choice to follow him," Clint said.

"It's also where the mini-avengers we had show up thanks to the Stark family ghost came from," Dawn quipped. "They might want to add some personal letters or something."

"It's years before most of them get old enough to use their skills," Godly Xander said. "They're still young. Only two years since Manhattan." Dawn nodded. "That'd make the mini-Clint about ten right now." He looked at the other two Xander's. "We can go tell the young, chaosy one. We can go with Dawn's plan of a classic textbook crack move."

Stark looked up. "I'd hate that."

"We'd be sending that world in touch with another nearby realm with a strong, geeky Xander who could help you."

Dawn snapped her fingers. "The new set of twins. The ones that spun off the original recently thanks to someone there going back to change their path in Africa."

"They could do," Godly Xander said, looking at that realm. "Hmm. Not seen real often. A Eureka," he said quietly. Traveling Xander beamed at him. "I know you have some. Yeah, that'll cause problems but not too many." He looked at Phil, who looked clueless. He touched him to share the details.

Phil huffed. "That could cause a lot of problems for both those worlds, Xander."

"Including my mental health there," Stark agreed, going back to skimming. "We're not going to have that here. At all." He handed it back with a head shake. "Can't we just send the me there over to them? Without warping reality that much?"

"That young GHS Xander could use some support too," Dawn said. "But maybe. You'd be without any support outside the Xanders and maybe that Eureka."

Stark grimaced. "I can probably handle it. I have a portable system that JARVIS connects to. It has enough of a kernel to run uncomplicated things or the suit without connection for at least a month."

"Or we could merge them to stop some other problems for everyone," Phil said, looking that way. "The twins could use some cuddles. They're in the midst of another wave of dates that shouldn't be." His Xander nodded, grimacing. "And they're weapons designers."

"We can try one single sending," Dawn said. "It may not work. It's a strong spell and like the portal we had here, there's always going to be a link. As a matter of fact, I felt them and President Xander's world connect. Somehow the helicarrier got sucked to Prez's world." She drank the rest of her coffee then took Natasha's. She was asleep, she didn't need it. Clint took the cup to get half of it then handed it back to Dawn, who smiled at him. The kids had crashed with the war dogs.

Loki, Ares, and Gaia showed up. "I felt a disturbance in the force," Gaia quipped, looking at the extra Xanders. "Shouldn't you be doing this on that closed realm, boys?"

"Vision," Phil said.

"I saw," she admitted. "Quite nasty, Mr. Stark."

"Not my doing," he admitted. "That's another version of me." He looked at Dawn. "How many of you at the convention have a me in their worlds?"

"Six," Lavelle said. "Though most aren't in contact."

"Hmm. I can easily write a letter to myself or whatever."

Gaia nodded. "That could help. We can also merge them enough to send that you to get help."

Ares shook his head. "That realm's out of balance. It'll need to be fully submerged, Gaia." He showed her on the map he manifested. "It's got a weak base."

"That's why the Devon Coven there had a Xander of their own and he got dedicated to Loki," Dawn said with a smirk for their Loki.

"I saw him. Quite...odd. What is wrong with him?"

"You've met the other GHS Xanders," Ares reminded him. "The ones with the long hair, Loki."

"Oh, yes, the headache inducing ones. It figures he would be one of them."

"Hormones and all," Dawn quipped.

"Poor man," he shot back. "Perhaps he'll find someone good to wear those out of him like you did."

"We've tested her a few times to make sure she wasn't a victim of the same problem," Clint said with a grin. "Because there's not many other methods that cause the insane stuff she does."

"Hey!" Natasha snorted and glared at her. "He just called me a trouble magnet again, Nat."

"Pot, kettle," she complained then went back to sleep. They were on magic now; when they got to weapons or fighting she'd be awake.

Clint and Dawn shared a look. Natasha got put back into their bed by Phil. The kids were cuddling the dogs so they got sent with the kids. That helped them stay in bed for a change. Philip still wandered at night unless he had something to cuddle him.

Ares and Loki shared a look. "We'll need a plot so it doesn't look like the good guys are panicking."

Dawn grinned at her big brother Xander. "That world has a Jane Foster who's dating Thor and trying to repair the Bifrost."

"That's a hell of an accident," he said, considering it.

"Less work than getting Atlantis off Asgard," Phil said dryly.

"True. Oh, hey, they're coming up on their convergence.... that's going to suck. That Thor's about to lose his mom." He considered it, looking at Gaia, who shrugged and went to do the dirty work this time. The others settled in to make plans. They could send minimal support over. Including Clint if necessary.


Gaia appeared on that other Asgard, staring at Odin. Who blinked back, mouth opening. "No, I'm not your version, Odin. I am here with a warning however. The convergence brings great grief when your palace is used as a landing dock for your ancient elven enemies. Even your sons will work together to avenge their mother's death," she said, moving forward. "It will get righteously nasty to quote my Xander."

He scowled. "What convergence?"

"It happens every so often. All the nine realms align? The last time the dark elves came as well."

"I have a few memories of that battle. My father fought in it," Odin said, scowling at her.

She smirked. "I depowered my Odin for being such a bad influence on humanity." He sat up straighter and quit scowling. "Thank you, dear." She smiled at Freya as she walked in. "Ah, the cusp of the problem." Freya stared at her, head tipped slightly. "The convergence starts off something evil by your death, Freya. The dark elves show up during it and use the palace's main area as a landing pad."

She blinked a few times then sat down. "When?"

"The convergence, dear. When the realms align?"

"Find out when that is," Odin yelled. One of the scholars came with a book. He looked it over with his wife. He looked at her. "Can it be stopped?" he demanded quietly.

"Yes. One of them shows up here as a warrior who is in fact a berserker. Also, we may need to twist it even further to stop a later event that humanity is trying to cause without realizing. Some of them want peace enough to create an artificial means of causing it." Freya moaned, shaking her head. "His heart is in the right place, but he doesn't realize, Freya. We can use this and the charming one's rebuilding project to twist all that. It would still possibly leave you in danger as we'd have to work it so the convergence lasted for at least two places."

"I can fight and arm myself better," Freya agreed.

"Good. Then we'll need both son's help, though Thor won't need to help right away, Dear. We'll need Loki's magic to help us. You know, he was very fierce in avenging you."

She smiled. "He is my son."

"Good woman." She shared how they planned on changing it to fix the later problems. London would get a bit more destroyed but oh well. They could handle that as well. Gaia took Loki to the place where the aether was and had him infected with it instead of Jane Foster. She looked at him. "It's imperative that you dance to *my* tune this time, Loki. Or else all you wish to rule will be dust and ashes. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Gaia," he said, staring at her. Smart beings knew not to piss this one off. He could feel the greater powers off her, even greater than Thanos had carried. This version of Gaia clearly was still a true Goddess.

She smiled. "Good boy. Let's go make some cookies, shall we?" She took him with her to the mortal realm, appearing before Jane Foster and her assistant. Jane squeaked and fell into a hole, which would bring Thor down anyway. "Miss Lewis, such a pleasure, dear. I'm Gaia," she said at the strange look she was being given.

"Sure. You're Mother Nature," she agreed, smiling at her. "How can we help and are you Asgardian as well, ma'am?"

"No, dear. I'm not your version of Gaia. I'm from another realm that's foreseen your realm going through hell. We're going to stop it. I'll need some of your help as well." Thor appeared. "Easy, Thor," she chided, smiling at him. "We need your help as well." He gaped at her, hammer loose in his hand. "The convergence brings many things and later ones will have to be stopped here. You're on to help us after the dark elves are dealt with. Loki is helping me so you two hopefully don't have to avenge your mother. Or humanity."

Thor stiffened up, nodding. "Yes, Gaia. What can I help you with?" He caught Jane when she reappeared, making her hug him.

"Your part comes later, after the convergence, Thor. For now, know that it will not simply be a battle with the enemies of Asgard, but also it will have to be warped. Things will not be allowed to be standard." He nodded once. "Good boy. When it's done, call your fellow hero Clint. He can get you to where you need to be but doesn't realize it yet."

"I shall. Any other duties I'll have, Gaia?"

"No, dear. That's a later problem. We're stopping someone with ideas of peace." Thor winced, shaking his head, mumbling about Men of Iron. "Exactly. So he's going to get some help. All right?" Thor nodded, looking at her. "Good. For now, snuggle, dear. Love is a precious thing that should always be savored as long as possible." She looked at Loki. "We will go together." He nodded, taking her hand to go with her. "You know, in my realm, your son is now the king of all Gods. He had to take over on me because your father and others caused so many problems I couldn't deal with. He and his true mate are quite good. That's how you ended up married to your true mate, Ares."

He blinked at her. "I'm married to Ares?" he demanded.

"Hmm." She smirked at him. "Quite. Aphrodite found it to be a true match after she was done with Ares and made sure it'd happen. You two are quite happy. And noisy."

He nodded, then shook his head. "That's almost evil."

"Yes but it does give you help where you need it. Your son is quite the strong God Protectorate of Humanity."

"*My* son?" he demanded.

She smiled and nodded, creating a crystal to let him see it. They landed in a charming little living room, looking at the robotic dog that rolled over to greet them. "Dear, is your human home?" It popped up a video message about being missing. "Oh, dear. Is someone saving him?" The dog barked an affirmative noise. "Wonderful. We'll wait. Are there others here?" The dog nudged a toy toward a doorway. She went to look, smiling at the charming garden spaces. Behind her Loki was shuddering on the couch about his son and his mate's realm.

Phil Coulson walked in and paused, pulling his gun. "Loki," he sneered. "Why are you here?"

"Gaia demanded," he said blandly, waving a hand toward the garden area. "Gaia." He could deal with the upstart mortal later.

She came out to smile at him, healing him a bit more with a pat to his shoulder. "Dear, it's important to save your whole world. I'm sorry to force this on you."

He sighed. "If I must I can be polite."

"That would be for the best," she agreed, smiling at him. "We needed to talk to this stunning young chaos child."

"He's being rescued from Latvia. Again."

"Poor boy. Is that charming Clint boy with him?"

"Yes. He's the one doing the rescuing." He looked at Loki then at her. "That's nearly cruel to him," he said quietly.

"If I had another way I would, dear. Unfortunately we'll need him to save humanity after the upcoming convergence."

Coulson grimaced. "Is it an ordained one or a natural one? I can get the information back to SHIELD."

"I'd rather not invoke that nest of pit vipers in disguise."

"Pit... we have dirty agents?"

"Yes, dear, you do. Many, many of them." He sighed, shaking his head. "The ones you trained personally are all good. Trust in them. Even the angry one." She patted him on the cheek. "Go rest. We'll wait on that nice young one."

"He has fruit salad in the refrigerator and I can make tea," he offered.

"That's fine, dear. I really do adore his garden and the flying nymphs. They're adorable." She went back to looking at things. "Oh, a wedding vine." She tested it. "The quick growing kind," she said, leaving it alone.

Phil looked in there. "He calls it a life vine and said that other hims used it in space battles."

She nodded. "That would definitely take lives. Go rest. You need rest to heal and I can play with the darling little cat in here."

"Be careful, she pees on things," he said, going to his room. He sent a message to Clint to hurry up and it was going to be a shock when they got back.


Clint stopped Xander from walking into the house first, opening the door to look in. He sneered. "Loki." He walked in. A female came out. "Who're you?" he asked.

"That's Gaia," Xander said, walking in around him. "Lady Gaia, what can this young one do for you?" He knelt at her feet, letting her sit down. "How can I help you?"

"You may help me when the convergence needs to be fixed so that your guardian's teammate doesn't do something truly dangerous."

He nodded. "Okay. What's the plan?" She handed over the notes that the mini Xander convention had sent. He read it, wincing and handing it to Clint. "That's fine. I can aid you however you need, Lady Gaia."

"Good boy. I find your garden area most charming." He beamed. "Especially that mated set of plants."

"The one of me that travels around everywhere in the special wardrobe has their parents, Gomez and Morticia. They're baby plants off his."

"They're charming!" She smiled. "Very affectionate as well. Gomez did smoke nicely when I let him nibble on me." He grinned at her, hopping up to show her some of the specimens he was working on cultivating. They were all from off-world but were lovely things.

Clint stared at Loki. "Fine. I can deal with you." Phil came out of his room doing up his shirt. "Thanks for the warning."

"I told you it'd be shocking."

"It is." He glared at Loki. "Does he have to stay here?"

"No idea," Phil admitted. "Latvia?"

"They finally arrested their industrial billionaire that wanted him so much. After three rescues and us taking out his house this time, they finally got the hint."

Phil nodded. "That's wonderful." Clint smirked back. "Lady Gaia said that SHIELD is a nest of pit vipers."

Clint blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Something about those who worship strange sea creatures," Loki said with a hand wave. "They had the cosmic cube originally, before Stark found it."

Phil considered that. "HYDRA?"

"Is that what your native hydra look like?" Loki asked dryly. "Ours look quite different."

"No, but they're dumb while holding world takeover plans," Phil said. "I..." He paused to consider it. "We need to remove them without collapsing anything."

"It can't happen," Xander called. He leaned out of the garden area. "It's core rotted in places. Move. The. Weapons." Phil pulled the phone over to call someone who could do that. Xander got the sudden headache look. "Not him!" Phil hung up and called someone else. Xander grinned at Clint, going back to showing off the wine grapes. Gaia smiled at him for that help. "I sent a warning about that vision," he said quietly.

"Thankfully you didn't have to see peace taking out your realm like a few others did, dear."

"Can I have my dog bite him?"

"No, it wouldn't be very nice of you." She smiled, patting him on the cheek. "Though you will get to visit with the twins. The new ones, not the originals."

"Cool!" He beamed at her. "I love the twins, both versions of them."

"What twins?" Clint called.

"Weapons designing twins, Clint. The other set like the ones who gave me the plans that I warped to make Frodo."

"Oh, them." He nodded. Loki laughed. "Twin Xanders."

"I'm sure they give the me in their realm much fun."

"Never dedicated and only Janus has helped them," Xander called.

"That poor realm then," Loki said dryly. He got comfortable. Frodo dropped a ball at his feet. "What are you doing?"

"He wants to play," Clint said, taking the ball to keep the robotic dog away from the chaos god. Who knows how Loki would warp the dog.


Xander walked into Stark's lab when the change was about to happen, grabbing him and Bruce to pull them together. "I'm doing Gaia's orders." The world changed around them. "Only two got stuck now and she's got Clint bringing them." He looked at Stark, then handed over the two comics that got sent to him. "You were going to create one and that problem created the other. So now we're with another realm where we can get help since it's already too late to destroy it."

He stared at him. "They had to change all of reality to make sure humanity survived your AI." Bruce was growling. He looked at him. "Lady Gaia had to, Dr. Banner. And I had to grab you or you would've been back there all by your lonesome." He looked at Stark, who was mad. "Hey, not my doing. I've got to help with the other problem. Namely, his," he said with a point at the stomping in Steve Rogers.

He held out the envelope. "From Lady Gaia and one of me from another realm." He snatched it to read. He looked at Stark, pointing at the graphic novel. "Your AI," he said quietly. "You wanted peace so hard but the only real peace is the final peace." Stark flinched, shaking his head. "Yeah. Unfortunately. Thankfully for the next two months we're merged with a realm where you can get some genius help to undo it. The me here can help you with that. They're like the twins who designed the Pippen tanks only someone went back into their timeline to change something in Africa so this is a spin-off world of theirs. This set never went to CSI school but they're starting out right now." He looked at Bruce. "All you have to do is rest for two months. Preferably where anyone who's HYDRA can't get you." He pointed at Steve's letter. "Because SHIELDRA is massively core rotted and we can't stop it without causing even more problems."

"How do we know this?" Steve demanded.

Xander sighed, puling out the small cube to let the video play. "The you in Dawn's realm created the cube." He got out of the way of that Xander, Stark, and Clint Barton telling them what was going on. He looked at Steve, patting him on the arm. The hero glared at him. "There's something special that's going to torment you. Did you read Gaia's note on the back?" he asked quietly. He looked then had to sit down. Xander nodded. "We'll help. I know the me here will help and if they're like me they have a ton of contacts that aren't always great but they can help."

Steve looked at him. "Can we save him first?"

"Do we have the means to rescue him from the cryo stuff?" Xander asked.

"I.... Stark?"

"No. Not yet. They do?" Steve handed over the letter. He read it, wincing at what it said. "They have been."

"He has no idea about *anything*," Xander warned them. "Even Loki felt sorry for him. Gaia's making him help. He's the anchor stone to put us back in two months. It saved his mom's life and Thor's helping him since it took his girlfriend's bridge building to start the process."

Stark slumped, shaking his head. "I am working on that. I can end the AI."

"It's gone viral," Clint said as he walked in. "I had Natasha hack in to check, Stark." Stark glared at him. "It's let itself clone tiny pieces here and there on the web and it's monitoring HYDRA to see if it wants to help them."

"Fuck," Stark said.

"Yeah, which is why it's taking multiple Xanders again," Xander said dryly, smirking at him. "And a town full of geeks. You'll like Oregon."

Clint stiffened. "I saw that show!"

"Real here," Xander quipped. "My brilliant twin versions can get someone to get him there while we work on stuff. There's going to be *huge* fits from this realm but it was that or we all died. And then it'd find a way to move on by taking Jane Foster's work to bridge to another realm. In the comics it got stopped but we lost basically the population of a small country in Europe."

"I'll take some screaming," Stark said. "I want all you know, kid."

"That is all I know. I wasn't one of the ones that got the vision. The twins here may have. They're in Chicago, just starting off their company. They work with a Mountie and a nice detective named Ray Kowalski. Who is at the twenty-seventh from what just hit my mind. Can't you write it down for me? I'll never remember all that. I'm backed up," he begged. A scroll appeared. "Thank you, Lady Aphrodite. You're a great goddess." He handed it over. It changed with a twinkling going down the paper.

Stark shook his head but looked it over, having to find a seat by feel. He got into the comic books, handing them to Steve and Bruce when he was done. He finally looked at Xander, who was staring outside. "Now what?"

"Now, SHIELD is pulling up. I can see the trench coat of bad attitude." He looked at him. "Phil's still at my house."

"He's here," Clint said. "With our SHIELD."

Xander grinned. "You have good plans."

"Call the you here to warn them."

"I can do that." He whispered a spell against the window, waving at Andrew. "Hi, Andrew."

"Xander....." He blinked at him. "What the hell?"

"We're merged right now to save our world from an AI who's intended to create peace."

Andrew's mouth opened, then he groaned and shook his head. "Great."

"So we need the twins to get this Stark into Eureka for some help."

"I don't think they know those geeks. They're scary geeks."

"Do they know someone they can ask?"

"Yeah, that they do. We can start there. Where are you?"

"Avengers Tower in New York."

"Okay, so you're from that type of realm. I read some of those comics." Xander got the ones from Fury to hand over. He flipped through them, nodding quickly. "Yeah, we can ask. Let me get them out of the vault. They're healing from a bad date." He handed them back. "Call back in an hour?"

"I can try." He grinned. "Have a better day, Andrew."

"You too, Xander." Xander hung up and Andrew went jogging down to the vaults. "Guys! It's a huge emergency! There's another you, a Stark, and Ultron's being made so they need into Eureka!"

The twins came up with him, calling friends already. This was so bad. "Where?" Alex asked quietly.

"Avengers tower."

The twins moaned but told their contacts that.

"And guys, I saw SHIELD agents I know were dirty in the comics," he warned.

"Oh, just charming! It's SHIELDRA time," Xander complained.

"Yup," Andrew quipped. "I'm starting coffee and cookies."

"Start muffins?" Alex suggested.

"I can do that." He went to do that, calling some of his own contacts to help fix this.


In New York, Xander looked at both Nick Fury's. "Gaia started it to save all of us. The goddess of the earth didn't want to be alone."

"Is she warped like Loki?" his Nick Fury demanded.

"He's the locking keystone to get us home in two months," Clint said with a grin. "They infected him with special stuff so he could do that by warping Thor's girlfriend's work."

Stark sighed, nodding. "I was trying to do the right thing. Apparently I'm on that road to hell that I've specially paved." He threw down a pen. "How do I replay the cube?" Xander came over to do that. Both of them watched it and both Furys groaned, shaking their heads.

Xander nodded. "With a special precaution." He looked at his Nick Fury. "How rotten is our SHIELD by HYDRA?" Steve handed over his letter from Gaia.

Both of them stared at it. "That's going to be messy," the one from that realm said.

Xander nodded. "Yup. In the comics in other realms, it destroyed SHIELD, nearly the US, and there's a ton of bad things hidden by SHIELD that they're grabbing. Like Loki's scepter? Weapons?" Both Furys called in people.

"No," Clint warned. "You can't trust them." They hung up. "Hill, Coulson, me, Nat, May. Bobbi. Hunter. Not Ward but the rest of the team you were going to put with Coulson on that plane."

"Yours survived?" the local Fury demanded, looking at himself.

"Yeah, thanks to the kid and some potion. Yours?"

"Brought back as some sort of keystone but I've got him in hiding."

"Elixir of life," Xander said. "We got warned by an Uncle Phil who is married to his Xander, and is a God over heros."

Stark shook his head. "He has to be so insane." Clint grinned but nodded. "What ideas does anyone have?"

"You need to get help in Eureka and the twin mes here can help you," Xander said. "I'm apparently being a diversion for the rotten ones. Clint's I don't know."

Clint nodded. "I'm not the geek Natasha is. She can help Stark with you guys."

"I need to get their hostages," Steve said. He flipped the note over, staring at both Nick Furys. "I can't let anyone do that."

"We can find him," the local one said.

Xander winced, holding his head. "He's in DC. They're waking him soon. By the way, your boss is the head guy." He looked at the two badasses. "Have fun with him and his helicarrier plan to take out 'dangerous' ones."

"Hell no," their Nick Fury said. "Where?" Xander shrugged and took down notes on what he had seen, handing it over.

"We need him woken," Stark said. "I don't know if we know how to deal with that sort of frostbite."

"Deal," Fury agreed. They stared at Stark. "Fix this shit."

"I had no idea it'd do this," he said firmly. "Of course I'm fixing it!"

Andrew appeared, handing over a paper. "That is how you get to Eureka. They're not expecting you but you need to go today. The rotten ones are going to snap like a bear trap thing." He looked at Xander, who grinned and hugged him. "You need to be safer. They'll consider you a toy."

"I am a toy but I'm a damn deadly one if I don't like how they're playing with me." He grinned. "I can go help my twin selves."

"Maybe. I'm getting you with their Homeland and FBI contacts to talk to. That way they know what's going on. They'll be here tonight." He nodded. "Go home." Xander looked at Clint, who nodded. He went home. Andrew looked at Clint. "You're to guard him. Because he can enslave an area. All Xanders draw serial killers. The one after the twins would *adore* having him. Since he likes to eat people...."

"Yeah, I can help guard him. Who're you?"

"Andrew. I used to work with the twins when we were all Council full time." He grinned. "Now I work for the twins designing pretty things." He handed over a small bag. "Should link into your phone with the cord included." He waved and disappeared.

"Huh," he said, looking. "Little robotic vermin. Interesting." He pulled a mouse out to look at it. He plugged it into his phone and it uploaded the app. Then he could see. "That's a really good surveillance camera," he said, smiling and showing Stark and Steve.

"That's a great idea," Stark agreed. "Huh. I thought they just did helpful tanks." He gathered up a few things plus his laptops and tablets to pack. "Let me get there."

"I'm having you flown," the local Nick Fury said.

"Can you trust them?" Steve asked.

"He's one of my top people."

Phil Coulson strolled in but not theirs. This one was wearing a flannel shirt and jeans, plus hiking boots. He stared at the two Nick Furys then smacked them both upside the head. "Centipede is HYDRA lite. The guy in charge of that is my former training mate," he said slowly and clearly. "Hand's not evil, just power hungry. Move. The. Weapons. And the gravity thing if you have it. Today. Trust. No one," he finished slowly and clearly. "Hill, this team, me, May."

"Bobbi," Clint said. "Lance Hunter and his team."

"True, I had forgotten about them," Godly Phil Coulson said, smiling at him. "I could almost wish a Dawn into your life. She does drive you nuts but makes you happy."

"Is that the same one that has kids with me and Nat?"

"Yup." He grinned. "I love my godchildren. They're little hellions. Your daughters stole your bow to twang like your son does your guitar and accidentally shot Natasha in the ankle. She was so proud." He looked at Nick Fury, then smirked. "Don't make me turn you into snails." They called those orders in to Agent Hill. He looked at Stark. "Sometimes doing the right thing is the wrong thing. You tried. It's a good idea. My realm's been looking at backup teams and the like. If my Stark didn't have the genius kids he's trying not to ruin or be eclipsed by, he might've too. Thankfully his daughter drives him in other directions of science."

"Clairvoyant?" one of the Nick Furys asked.

"My training mate. You trained us together." He shot him a look. "He's the infection point but not patient zero. Patient zero is in the former SHIELD office as an AI."

Stark moaned. "My dad?"

"No. He had your parents taken out." He looked at him. "He had no idea, Stark, and he's been mind bent so often he might never remember. They used him like the Xander in your world uses his dog tank. He was their attack dog and he had no clue."

Stark nodded, sucking in a breath. "I can't hate him for that if he didn't realize."

"He had no idea about anything. He still doesn't know who he was. Or who Steve is. Or anybody. They did such a great job with his brain he may never regain a lot. The one in our world, he's still having flashbacks and regaining things after seven years."

Stark nodded. "That's evil shit."

"Yeah, that's HYDRA," he said dryly. "I'm glad we haven't had to deal with them. Our Bucky got free enough to take out his handlers and then wiped out most of the rest before Dawn found him. We weren't nearly as rotted as you guys are. Here or at home." He shrugged. "Oh, and if you have kids? They'll like science just like you. Your kids are little dicks but good at it. Your daughter just created a neuro bridge to get around the damaged spinal cord she has when one of your enemies shot her." He disappeared.

Stark blinked a few times. "Damn. Hold on, I have kids?" he demanded.

Clint nodded. "I talked to the me from there when Dawn was getting our Xander for the yearly Xander convention. You have four kids all together. Your daughter that NID made, your son with Pepper, your daughter with Pepper, and Steve's daughter with Pepper."

Stark nodded slowly. "Pepper doesn't like kids."

"She and Dawn did a great job raising the oldest one. She's one hell of a Stark. Twelve and has multiple patents." Stark smiled at that. "Your son's right behind her in that in many ways. Though your daughter likes animals. She's got a herd of cats."

"That would definitely drive Pepper nuts," he said. "You have kids?"

"I have a son with Dawn, and then the girls got pregnant together thanks to a Stark halloween party one year. So I have daughters who might as well be twins from two moms." He nodded. "My son's a bit demented but he likes my guitar. My daughters are fashionable but cranky and strong. Dawn and Natasha made sure of it."

"You're with Natasha and another one? Wow, that you has stamina," Steve said, then covered his mouth. "Sorry."

"Dawn's our favorite treat apparently," he said with a grin. "And we're about to have more because some Asgardian goddesses wanted it to be so. Diapers. Yay."

Stark nodded, patting him on the arm. "That you must be insane."

"Slightly. The Dawn there is your assistant."

"Huh. Scientist?"

"Pepper's but she handles you."

"Interesting. Okay, let me get to Oregon."

"I'm flying," Clint ordered.

"Sure." They grabbed the stuff, Stark remembering the directions, and left for the quin jet.

Steve looked at both directors of SHIELD. "Now what?"

"I find the root of this shit while we plan to end it without it starting some sort of civil war," one of them said. Steve handed over that graphic novel so they could see it. They both grimaced. "Hell no."

"I won't let it happen either," Fury said. "Let's go to DC, Cap."

"Yup." He gathered what he'd need and met them at the SUV in the garage. He had things he had to avenge and things he had to solve. He'd find out later if his list needed to be added to. A DVD twinkled into his lap so he picked it up to look at. Two movies. One called 'the Avengers'. The other called 'Captain America: the Winter Soldier'. He put the first one into the DVD player so he and the spare Fury could see it. It got their battle pretty right. They ran into the other Steve Rogers in DC and pulled him in to watch both of those movies. The non-local Steve Rogers told him how his battle of Manhattan had differed. Now they needed to find a way to divert the new one.

It did give them one person they could absolutely trust.

*** (sent to list to here by email)

Andrew looked up, smiling at the people stomping into the house. "Didn't like that other Xander?"

"What's wrong with him?" one of the agents asked.

"He's got a hormone condition that sends his pheromones and other hormones through the roof if he doesn't wear it out," Andrew said, handing over that packet.

They read it, nodding at it. "That explains a lot," the female agent said, handing it back.

Someone walked in. "Lizzy," he said.

"Reddington." She smiled at him. "Good news?"

"Very good news. I got to a contact I know in Eureka who can tell others that Stark's showing up with a problem that caused this realm merge." He looked at the notes then at Andrew. "Why?" he asked with a point at it.

"The Xander from their realm is suffering from it. He really needs a good lover."

"So do ours."

"Yeah." He nodded. "Could be helpful." The other agents all snorted. "Anyway, the twins are in the lab area of the vault." He sent a message down there and Xander came up.

Xander put the notes he had down. "From the Xander convention mail system. A few others had visions of it and only sent it to us the day they were going to merge things so we wouldn't freak as much."

They looked them over, nodding at what they saw. "That's a good reason to come for help," their Homeland Security liaison Agent Barrings decided, looking at him. "You two's part?"

"Support and helping our younger self with whatever he needs to do to help. We're all Xanders and we're all badass when we need to be. That one helped during their battle of Manhattan. His first one but he was only nineteen."

"We can help by watching over him, making sure he's not taken," Andrew said. "I laid a few more protections around his house with the help of the goblins." Everyone stared at him oddly. "He has a link to a goblin bank in his realm. Apparently they got displaced during an argument and started their own bank."

"Yeah, Miami Xander said they made a great deal to help him deal with things while managing his money for him," Xander said with a grin for them. "They're great about making sure demons and others can't try to screw with his money like they do to Miami Xander."

"There's others with this hormone problem?" Reddington asked, almost wincing at the two held up fingers.

"Three," Alex reminded him. "Miami, softer, and the one that was teaching everyone how to use his forge to make pretty things."

"Oh, yeah, him. I forgot about him." He grinned. "He's a neat Xander. Kinda tough. You should really ask Xander to show you those dances all them do. They're hot, but damn good." Alex nodded to back that up. Andrew gave them a strange look.

That Xander appeared thanks to a messenger demon, huffing. "I *so* need to take out insurance against wannabe warrior spawn." He pouted but sat down on the nearest stool. "Not Asgardian but thinks he's just as good as Thor or Lady Sif, yet weaker than Andrew was in ninth grade by your pictures. Can't use the sword he's waving around like it's a damp noodle, and is trying to pretend to be a mage on top of it." He rolled his eyes. "Pathetic."

Andrew hugged him. "It's all right. We'll handle it." He grinned. "Remember, it's nicer here. You never had Sunnydale."

"I know." He squealed and hugged Lizzy. "There's no women around me, almost never, and I need help with something. Can you help?"

"Depends on what. I'm not the girlish sort."

"I need to rearrange my weapons display. It's twinkly and pretty but it looks off balance."

"I can help with that." He pulled up pictures on his phone. "Are you looking for more?"

He grinned. "I can make my own. It's a good use for some of the stupid jewels I've been given too." He let her see the pictures. "I had the two daggers switched with the hand axe at one time but it looked even more wrong. I don't know why."

She looked them over then pointed. "It's unbalanced on the bottom and the top lance is off-center. Then I'd switch this wider bladed sword with this fencing blade." Xander hugged her and went back to do that. He came back after a minute with new pictures. She nodded it looked better.

Andrew cleared his throat. "I thought you could maybe show them why GHS are so wanted by showing them some of those dances, Xander."

Xander blinked then grinned evilly. "That might be a bad, naughty thing, Andrew."

"Yeah but you're good at it," Alex said. "Go use our gym. You could probably use the destressing time. They can watch on camera." Xander nodded. "You can even borrow bike shorts or something." He took that Xander to get him some clothes then he went to workout while the others stared at the cameras. He looked at Andrew. "So mean," he mouthed. Andrew grinned.

Their Homeland liaison moaned first. "What is that?"

"It leads back to self defense," Alex quipped. "Only the GHS members can do it."

Reddington cleared his throat then nodded. "That's mean, boys. Appropriate but mean." He walked off. "I'll call out there again. You might need to translate Stark to regular geek."

"Sure, we can go on geek spring break," Xander quipped with an evil smirk for his twin. Who grinned back.

"Do I want to know why now there's three of you?" Ray Vecchio demanded as he walked up the hallway. "And why is that one slinky and slightly evil?"

"He's got a hormone problem. That's his way of working them out since no one good is presently making him bend over and squeal, and we're presently merged with another realm so they can fix a problem with our geeks help. They only had a Stark. We have a major dose of geekage."

Ray Vecchio stared at him. "Okay. Does that one design weapons?"

"No, he's a natural born concubine. We're keeping him safe."

The other agents all nodded. "We'll make sure he's not bothered while they're here," one said quietly then they left as a group to get drunk, pick up hookers, and then report to their bosses on why it was such a bad thing in the making.

The twins grinned at Ray. "We love our cuddly Xander self," they said in unison.

"But he needs better dates," Andrew quipped. "He got kidnaped by a prince recently."

"The one in Miami has ruined at least forty demon realms getting himself back from kidnapings."

"Sure, we'll watch that one better than we do," Vecchio said, getting coffee and going to the office to not watch the security feed. Before he went down there to cure that one's problems.

The twins grinned at Andrew, pulling him down to work with them on stuff to keep that Xander safe.


Tony Stark walked out of the quin jet's back door with Clint behind him helping carry the heavy stuff. "I'm Tony Stark," he said in greeting, nodding politely at the sheriff.

"Only a few of us have heard you're coming. I've got the head of Global Dynamics coming to talk to you at my office, Mr. Stark. Why don't we go there and you can tell us what's that huge that you had to go around our usual protocols."

"I paved the road to hell," Tony said dryly. "In the name of peace."

The sheriff winced. "It's all right. We try to destroy the world at least once a month around here." Clint laughed. "Seriously," he said but he was grinning. He got them into his jeep and took them to town so they could rest at the sheriff's office. By the time he got there, three people were waiting impatiently. He got out of the way. "Are you two related?" he asked when the introductions started.

"I'm from the other realm that just got merged," Tony said. "Weirder things have happened though." He looked at the other Stark. "What do you know about our realm?"

"Not a thing."

The young guy behind them coughed slightly. "You're Iron Man. The one with you is Hawkeye. You're comics to us, Mr. Stark."

Tony smiled and nodded. "I heard that earlier." He looked at the confused looking scientist. "I was working on an AI that would help my team," he said with a point at Clint. "Him and others. That way we only had to show up for huge battles. A robotic sentinel program. In my arrogance," he sighed. "I created the Ultron program that is apparently going to take out humanity."

The two scientists looked at each other then at him. "Are you usually found creating AI's?"

"Yes. JARVIS is my virtual butler and does just about everything in the tower."

Clint pulled out his phone, dialing a number. "J, my man, you need in on this talk," he said, putting him on speaker.

"Yes, Mr. Barton, I probably should be," the AI said dryly. "I've found at least thirty kernels of the Ultron program have cloned itself on the internet. We've managed to destroy most but a few have split instead of dying and have moved out of the containment area, sir. I've put the information on your laptop if you'd turn it on."

"I can do that," Stark said, pulling it out to turn on. He let them see it.

"That's your artificial intelligence unit?" the female asked.

"Yes, Dr. Blake," the phone said. "I'm JARVIS. I'm his virtual butler and sometimes his babysitter," he said sarcastically. "Sir, you really must rest and eat sometime in the next thirty-three-and-a-quarter-hours. Ms. Potts wanted you reminded just in case you got too wrapped up."

"I'll do it once we go over what I did," Stark said. "Tell her we're here and it's all right. They think I'm nuts...."

"We all think you're a bit nuts," Clint said. "You fly around in a mech suit full of weird things only you understand. None of us can get you out of it if you nearly die again."

"I've worked out a remote password access for emergencies, Mr. Barton," the AI said. "Captain Rogers has the password and I'll be giving each of you one just in case."

"Thank you. Makes it a lot easier to help."

"Steve Rogers?" Dr. Blake demanded. "Like Captain America?"

"He's in DC," Stark said. "With your version probably."

She moaned, rubbing her head. "Oh, no."

Stark handed over the comic book and the notes that had been given to them. "We got helped by some...weirder than us help. That's what they gave us."

Dr. Stark nodded, looking over the comic book. "This is really bad." He looked at his counterpart.

"There's five of us," Stark said. "I'm middle aged. Rogers is presently hip deep in political drama plus the new drama they told us about SHIELD. Romanoff and Barton are basically exceptional humans, though only one has something enhancing her." Barton shrugged from where he was leaning against a wall. "Bruce's got a recent instability in his changing, and I had to blow up all my old suits and change how I was running mine when I had the power unit taken out of my chest because people came for me due to it."

Dr. Blake nodded. "We've seen that happen to other scientists." Stark relaxed. "We can help. We have a few experts in artificial intelligence but none of them are this far ahead. That plus you and our computer department could hopefully stop this menace before it takes out a lot of people." Stark sighed but nodded. "We can work on it. Mr. Barton?"

"I'm his bodyguard," he quipped with a grin. "Keeping all the money grubbing hos off him."

"Pepper has a special spray to drive them off," Stark quipped back, smirking at him. "You should see if it works on yours."

"I don't have girls like that."

"Uh-huh. Because someone didn't sneak into the tower to nakedly lounge in your bed."

"She was looking for Rogers and got mixed up. She even told the judge she was horrified that she got into my room instead."

"Hos are hos," Dr. Blake agreed. "They're all dumb and think with their crotches instead of their brains."

"Some we think their brains got relocated so they get nudged each time they manage to trap someone in their bed," Stark said dryly. "Like succuba only it's to stimulate their cortex and core functions instead."

Dr. Stark laughed, nodding. "Definitely. I've seen a few of those and fired them. Let's go up to Global Dynamics. We'll see what we can do. Tell us about SHIELD's current problems? We were warned by the DoD there were some."

"The same ones Cap fought in the war," Clint said quietly. "We think they have their own AI's who're watching everything and everywhere."

Both scientists winced and groaned. "Crap," the young guy said. "We can initiate some blocking protocols. Mr. Barton will you need anything special?"

"A cot somewhere mostly quiet is great. I've probably slept worse places." He gathered his bow and quiver. "I'm good otherwise. I even brought survival supplies in case I needed to eat."

Fargo gave him an odd look. "Is that usual when you're in the labs?"

"I'm not a scientist. I'm a sniper and an assassin. Sometimes a spy." He grinned. "I'm an archer, not a geek. My science is trajectory."

"That makes more sense. We can find you a room for a few days," Fargo said, leading him out. "I'll start the listening and blocking protocols as soon as I've got him settled, Dr. Stark."

"Thank you, Fargo." He left, taking Stark and Blake with him. "Why did they send you with a bodyguard?"

"There's nothing like this in our realm," Stark said. "I have no idea how you guys work and Fury demanded. The only one who doesn't have a guard is Bruce and I almost dare someone to upset him."


"Banner. He turns into a giant green rage monster." Stark smiled. "Nice guy. Great scientist. Just...has some anger issues."

Dr. Blake looked him up, showing her ex-husband. "How did that happen?" she asked him.

"Long story that starts with the Army wanted to replicate what happened to Rogers. Then there was a misfire." She winced, shaking her head. "He's good. He's got a lot of control over it. He just really avoids getting mad unless it's necessary." He pulled up some other videos. "The battle of Manhattan."

She took the phone to watch it, wincing at some things. "Who's the guy in green and black?"

"Loki. Thor's brother. Right now, some goddess named Gaia has him being the lynchpin of the realm merge so he can't cause problems."

"Gods are real there?" she demanded, shifting to look at him better.

"Thor's Asgardian. That's a whole other realm. Though that Gaia is from a whole other realm that had all this as a vision."

"Oh." She grimaced, looking at Stark. "That's a lot different than we have."

"You guys have a Thor. Fury told us that on the way out here." They both looked at him. "Apparently he showed up during the sixties but it was hushed up. We just had a nine realms convergence that made this merging possible so Gaia handled it before she was all alone." He sighed. "I really hate myself over this."

"I would too," Stark agreed. "But sometimes you do what you think you have to do."

"Yeah. Definitely."


The twins cuddled their other self, watching tv. They were all bored but ordered not to get into trouble. The twins shared a look then looked at younger them. "We need to go do something."

"Clubbing?" younger Xander asked with a grin. "I haven't gotten to do that in a while."

"Can you be safe doing it?" Alex asked.

"Probably. We'd watch out for each other so none of us get taken." He grinned. "Plus the ones that usually want me expect me to be in New York. And hey, if that prince shows up, you guys can help me yell at him. Right?" he asked, sounding hopeful.

"Of course," that other Xander said. "I'd hate to be the love slave of a prince."

"Me too. He tried to sue me for damaging his palace while I was getting free of him with Clint's help."

"What a dick," Alex said. "Maybe some of our dates are closer and nicer today."

"Maybe," his twin agreed. "Could help. We're all jumpy but we need to help with the Ultron thing."

"That's more Andrew's thing since it's a computer," Alex said. "We make pretty things, he makes computer things."

"Yeah," his twin agreed, then they shared a grin.

"I just warp plans. That's how I got my Frodo and the other set of twins made me Samwise." He grabbed them out of the bag and let them out. The twins cooed at them, making them happy puppies. They got up to shower and find something naughty to wear. The young Xander had his own leather pants and muscle shirt. They left with the dogs. Just in case they needed the help. Frodo helped by distracting Diefenbaker when he tried to block them getting into the car. They decided to bring the half-wolf with them to the club. Alex knew somewhere they could get in with the dogs.


Ray Kowalski got the call from a loud place. "Yeah, Kowalski," he said, sighing as he put his feet off the coffee table and back into his shoes. "Where are they? Three...oh, yeah, I heard. What happened?" He listened. "Diefenbaker?" He winced. "Sure, that's cute of their robotic dog to bite someone. Yeah, twenty minutes." He hung up and called Benton on his way out the door. "It's me. The twins and their other self took your dog with them to the club. Apparently it helped guard them with the robotic dogs the young one came with. Be there in five, Buddy." He hung up, sliding into his car and starting the engine, heading out. "Isn't Vecchio supposed ta have them on a leash?" he complained as he drove. "Surely Ma will understand him havin' to skip dinner ta pick 'em up."


Benton walked into the club in normal people clothes instead of his uniform. He nodded politely at the bartender. "My wolf bit someone?"

"No, the robotic dog bit someone. Your wolf just growled a whole lot when the guy's minions tried to help get the robot off him. Then the young one that's not the twins beat the living crap out of the guy for daring to touch his magnificence as he put it. They're back on the floor. We really like the dogs." He pointed down. "I'm told that's Samwise."

Benton looked at the small lapsized robot dog. "Good evening, Samwise. Please lead me to your human?" It barked and zipped off so he followed. Ray followed when he stomped in. Benton politely tapped someone on the shoulder. "May I have Xander please?" he asked.

"He's mine," he sneered.

Xander looked back at him. "Groping does not equate ownership." He brushed him off. "Hey, Benton."

"Xander. Are you three ready to go home?"

"We were having fun until the jackasses tried for me and Alex." He shrugged.

The younger Xander strolled over, leaning on his other self's shoulder with a grin for them. "The mean ones are not going to win this time. I'll hormone all the fuck of them." He hugged Xander, grinning at him. "Come tell me who I'm actually dancing with? He got us confused. He thought I was Alex."

"I can do that." He followed him back to that corner of the floor, walking around the dogs. "Dude," he complained. "Get off my twin. He doesn't need your diseases and neither does this Xander." The man blinked at them, then groaned.

"And you're a what sort of bad guy?" Ray Kowalski demanded.

The guy sneered. "One better than you'll ever be, *Detective*."

Xander slapped him. "Leave Ray alone. He's a nice guy. We like nice people." Someone screamed and fell but Alex walked over him shrugging a bit at their looks. "You good?"

"Guy just said he'd love to tie me up, rape me, then cut me prettily. Fuck him with a cadillac, because I'm not going there and he's probably already open that wide anyway." Xander cooed and cuddled him. "Thanks, dear." He blew a kiss at his twin. "You should cuddle this well."

"I can cuddle very well but I don't have the extra-cuddly hormones he does. He's got special cuddles." That Xander turned and threw a dagger at the guy who had just smacked him on the ass, making him scream. "Nice shot." Xander beamed at him.

"Bit off center but we can work on that. We have a target setup in the range," Alex said, taking him to cuddle. "So, anyway, why call you to this bar full of bad guys, Ray?"

Ray sent a text message. "Grab the pets and let's go. The boss wanted ta talk to you two about this one's security needs. Apparently all the agents hiring pros was thought to be a bit odd."

"I didn't even do the more sensual parts of the dance," younger Xander quipped. "Wow. Must've been desperate."

Benton smiled. "I'd like to know more about those. I grew up among Inuits and their storytelling."

"It's a really cool storytelling series of dances. It's got about eighty hours of them," Xander said, taking his arm. "Boys, c'mon." The two robotic dogs followed them. Diefenbaker helped Ray guard the twins. They were stopped at the door. Xander stared at him then shrugged and let his hormones out. "I only accept blow job minions if they're really nice and like my cooking." He smiled. "Are you nice and will you like my cooking?"

"I...." He was sweating. "I only accept blowjobs, I don't give them," he said, swallowing hard.

"That's not real fun for me. My first *real* boyfriend won't be that way. Sorry. Now, can you please move before I'm forced to be ...mean?" He grinned a good boy grin.

"No. You're ours. We like the twins so we'll like their younger brother."

"Oh, bother, to quote Pooh," he sighed. Then he finished letting his hormones rip. The bad guy and most of the others moaned and started to grope each other. "Sorry but I'm not looking for a dom and I've been stolen by more powerful sorts. I'm only in it for the fun and the real relationship stuff from now on. Now, please move before I have to stab you." The man grabbed the doorway, holding onto it for dear life before he fell to his knees. Xander walked around him and patted him on the arm. "You have a better night. I'm sure you can move up the ranks by careful selection of your newest bitch." The dogs followed, including Diefenbaker.

The twins looked at each other. "We need to replicate that so we can create an emergency grenade to help us get out of places," Alex said.

Xander nodded. "Definitely. We'll take sweat and other samples at home before I go pounce myself." They walked out past the other officers. "They're screwing hard. Our other self let out his little hormone problem to get us free of the bad guys."

Ray Kowalski was sweating as he came out after everyone. Benton was sweating hard too. "That's way too strong."

Xander grinned back at him. "It's a pheromone problem." He shrugged. "That's a last ditch 'get me out of bad places' release. It helps a lot. Guards holding you hostage never want to keep you if they're falling down masturbating." He grinned at the cops staring at them. "I've been kidnaped by *so* much better people." They got them into the twin's car with all three dogs. "Ooh, puppy time. C'mon, we'll go shower off the sweat while the twins play and then we'll play some fetch, guys." They all barked and settled in to let Xander drive them off.

One of the officers stood in front of the car, shaking his head. "Out, Harris. You're not in any shape to drive." He got into the back with the dogs so the officer could drive them home. He could make a report later, after the latent stench finished working on him.

Ray looked at the officer, shrugging. "No. Damn. Idea."

"Find out," he ordered. "If they can make a grenade of it, we might like that." The officer looked inside, wincing. "That's bad." He closed the door, pointing at a few officers. "Stay there. Make sure no one else goes in. Get a paramedic if they need it. We'll talk to the young one about how that's not really legal." He walked off, going to pray first. That was kind of evil of that younger Harris kid.

"Could he get into trouble for that since he was saving them?" Benton asked.

Ray nodded. "Could be counted as a biological weapon release or maybe even inciting rape or somethin'. No clue. Yeah, I agree, it was a good idea. Just kinda evil." They went to make a report then to the twins' house to make sure they were all right. They didn't want to know who the twins had worn that out with. No one was going to ask or suggest in case it turned out to be with each other.


Ray Kowalski's boss showed up at the twins' house the next morning, looking at his people in the car. Ray got out to tell him they were all fine. None of the bad guys from the club had shown up to retaliate. They had heard the house phone ring a few times but Andrew had stomped over a few hours earlier to complain at them.

Lieutenant Welsh walked up to the door, knocking politely. Andrew opened it. "They better yet?" he asked as he walked inside. Ray and Benton followed. Benton pulling out some dog food for his half-wolf and tossing some energy snacks down for the robotic dogs from the charging station on the counter.

"They're fine. The twins had fun. A few of their contacts got mad but I pointed out that the younger Xander has a hormone condition and that's his last ditch, save myself from the bad guys move. How else are you supposed to distract the people who have you hostage so you can become unkidnaped?"

"Okay, start there," Welsh said. "All I got from SWAT was that they released a biological contaminant last night to get free of a club." Andrew pulled up a copy of Xander's GHS packets. He had given them one in case they ran into one here. He let Welsh and the others read it. Welsh nodded, looking at him. "I can share this?"

"Yeah. I can email them that file or the head guy can show up to talk civilly instead of glaring at us like usual."

"That thing is considered a bad idea," Ray told him. "It could be looked at like causing rapes, 'Drew."

"And yet, you had to go try to rescue them and that's the only way you five made it out of that club alive," Andrew said dryly.


"That last bad guy on the door was a mass murdering asshole who once took the twins hostage. Alex nearly killed him twice getting free of him and he *still* wants to own 'em. The twins are of the opinion that he dies somehow."

"He flipped the higher minion so the higher minion stabbed him, still didn't die," Ray said dryly.

"Awww, the poor pitiful fool," Alex said as he walked into the kitchen. "I'll have to try something unique next time. Maybe a demonic poison." He poured himself some coffee, then looked at them. "We told Xander to do it if he had to so we could get free. We were going to do that before you guys showed up. They yelled you two were parking so we held off hoping you could help us get out of there. When we walked in, none of those guys were there. Assholes were apparently stalking us because they took over the club about a half-hour after we got there. We looked up from dancing to find them staring." He sipped his coffee. "Politely, they can fuck off."

"No, I think they did that already," Andrew quipped with a grin for him.

"Good! Maybe it means they'll want us less." He walked off. "That Xander's in bed. Let him sleep. He never gets any safe sleep."

"We still need ta talk about this," Welsh called after him. "The DA is livid, Harris."

"The DA is also sucking two demons' cocks and is dirty to the upper level minion of the bad guy last night, who is one of the local crime lords," he called back. "He can come beg to give me a blowjob before I have that one put on a permanent cockring spell and then give him magical viagra."

"Can you prove it?" Benton asked.

Xander, the twin one, came out with a folder. "That? Yes, we can." He handed it over with a smirk at Welsh. "I would've stabbed instead. Isn't sex a nicer alternative to being stabbed?"

"Yeah," Ray agreed. "It is."

"Still could be considered a dangerous and illegal event," Welsh said.

"Then they shouldn't have been trying to take us hostage." He shrugged. "You're allowed self defense. The same as if we can make a grenade from that pheromone compound, it'd be self defense." He walked off again. "I'll call our lawyers so they can talk to whoever."

Welsh sighed, shaking his head. "This is going to cause a huge pile of crap."

Ray nodded. "Then again, we caught a crime lord, most of his minions, and a few other bad guys. I say if they try to break free, we sic the kid on 'em again so they end up regretting it horribly in gen pop."

"That's probably considered a cruel punishment, and is definitely an unusual one," Benton said.

"Hey, bad guys get bad things happening to them," Andrew said dryly. "I'll call the family lawyer though." He walked into the kitchen to grab some chalk, doing the summoning. "The young, GHS Xander we have visiting ended up hormoning a bar full of bad guys last night to get them all free," he said when the demonic attorney showed up. "The City of Chicago is a bit pissed off."

The demon smiled. "We saw. It made a great many of us happy to see, Andrew. I can help sort this out." He patted him on the cheek before going in there to talk to them. "You're lucky you don't have Lavelle here to deal with," he said in greeting. They all stared. He smiled. "I'm Mr. Utz from the firm of Boretz and Blanks." He settled himself in a chair. "We are a light sided firm who do help demon hunters when asked. Especially the slayers. The Council has us on retainer, though we do work for the twins differently."

He took the report from Andrew, reading it over. He nodded. "Hmm. Quite interesting." He looked at them. "It could have been much worse. If some of the higher beings who hate the twins had tried corrective action to take them out, others would have shown up and you'd have had a major demon battle in your city. All the way to angelic beings who want to stop the twins before they can screw with their plots like they have in other realms." He put the report aside. "There's at least six higher powers who want the twins out of the way because they can stop or warp apocalypse battles coming up."

"If the angels try that here, I'm sending explosives up there," Alex called. "A few of their realms are that accessible."

"Which is why the higher powers that want to make power moves hate them," the lawyer said with a smile. "Of course, there's others who would love to have the twins indebted to them, mostly for the same reason plus the status of owning those two demon hunters. It was good they handled it on their own. Even better that they didn't have to summon help, like from Lavelle. He's a bit...mean."

Younger Xander came out doing up his shirt. "Lavelle got turned on by the group and ended up being an excellent gunman and thief. Plus part-time samurai." He sat down. "I'm sorry if I violated laws but there is the law of self defense and I was getting us out of a situation where we were going to be kidnaped, tortured, and possibly killed. I've had to use it before to get away from some of those sort. Other times I had help getting myself free. If we had weapons on us, we could've done it differently but unlike all the other mes with my hormone problem, I don't have the hair to hide weapons in."

Welsh considered it. "How bad is your hormone problem?"

"On the scale they use, I'm a level ten plus higher at times. Technically it's an infinity level range. I'm not as bad as a few of us, because I do play around and I made the room with the hands to help me, but it's bad enough that another version of me has destroyed over forty demon realms getting himself back. We're all very proactive about our safety."

"Then why go clubbing?"

"Because I'm nineteen. They're only twenty-six. We're young guys, we go to clubs to look for dates. It's not like we find casual sex people at the laundromat since we do laundry at home."

"Point," Welsh agreed. "Though there must be some other method?"

"Weapons. I only had a few knives on me and one gun. I could've made a mess." He shrugged. "It wouldn't have been the first time. I destroyed a manor house in Canada getting free of some dickwad named Henrys."

Benton blinked. "Our realm's died a few years back."

"Mine's died last year when he kidnaped me from the grocery store," Xander quipped dryly. "And all his minions when I blew up the damn house to get out of it."

"Wouldn't that hurt you too?" Ray asked. Xander scratched his arm with his boot dagger, showing the healing. "Oh."

"Yeah. I was still in the pantry. All I got was a concussion. I found his other hostages and got us all there before I summoned his self destruct's remote control. He used to wear it around his neck like a medic alert pendant. Pity."

"We could have arrested him," Benton said.

Xander snorted. "No, they didn't. They showed up to see what happened and didn't seem the list bit upset that he had people hostage to rape, torture, and eventually kill. They actually complained I had gotten all the hostages free because that led to questions and paperwork. I wasn't the one who summoned the demon to eat that jackass, one of the other victims did. The other officers just got them to the ER."

"Wow," Ray said. "That's bad."

"So was that guy." Xander shrugged again. "I know very well what people like that do to us. So far I've managed to avoid that fate from all nineteen of the kidnapings I've had." Welsh winced. "I'm not going to allow myself to be taken if I can help it. I can tell the difference between someone hit by accidentally sniffing my hormones and a bad guy who thinks I'm a suitable concubine and then castrated pet. I only act against second kind."

"I get that," Welsh said. "Okay, let me talk to the higher ups who're foaming at the mouth."

"Yes, they're probably a bit owned as well," the lawyer said, petting over Xander's wrist. "Calm down. You're safe here." He smiled. "I'm one of the lawyers for the Council."

"I've heard about them but my realm didn't have a Sunnydale."

"I've heard much about how you came into being. Relax. Our coven here has already laid into yours about that stuff." Xander grinned and nodded. "Good boy. Go eat. You need to eat. You're getting skinny."

"I can go make breakfast." He went to do that.

The lawyer looked at them. "Boys like Xander often end up being very spoiled spouses if they find someone good."

"I'm glad my wife doesn't have that hormone problem. She's already spoiled," Welsh said. "Let me talk to the higher ups." He took the information with him to the meeting in his office. He had been going to see them after picking up something but no, they came to him this time. "Gentlemen."

"What happened?" he demanded. Welsh pulled up the information on that hormone condition and the report. They read them, wincing at what they saw.

Welsh handed the Police Commissioner the folder on the DA's dirty habits, getting a glare back. Welsh stared back. "They'd know. The twins keep track of that sort. Especially since he stepped into their faces before."

"I forgot about that." He read it over, huffing. "That's bad."

"Yes it is," Welsh agreed. The mayor took it to look at, wincing at it. "Frankly, I agree with the kid. This was another attempt at kidnaping. He's had to do this before to get out of some of the nineteen kidnapings he's had."

"Can't he cure this?" the mayor demanded.

"Sure, if he could find a really good lover. He's been dating to find one from what I got told earlier. It's hard to find a good spouse these days. Frankly, being owned would suck even worse than a bad spouse but I'm not going to charge him with anything. As Andrew put it, bad guys get bad things happening to them."

The Mayor grimaced. "They're going to try to break out of the jail."

"Andrew suggested we let the twins and this Xander stop it, sir."

"That's evil," the Mayor noted. "Much too evil." He considered it. "Is there anything medically that can be done?"

"The information packet has noted an herbal mixture that can be used a few times a year. It also states it's dangerous and has led to deaths from overuse."

"So for however long this lasts, he's going to be here?"

"He may be going back home to New York. Right now he's hanging out with the twins to help them with things related to why we're merged for two months."

"Two months?"

"Two months."

"Oh. Good. At least we have an idea of how long this will last." He cleared his throat. "What if those sort retaliate?"

"He told us a charming story about how he had to get free of an asshole in Canada who had taken him hostage," Welsh said, leaning back in his chair. "He had to rescue the other hostages, then blew up his house. The locals up there only got concerned that he had rescued the other hostages, it'd cause paperwork. I'm told the other hostages summoned something to eat the guy who said that. I'd like to see that happen to any of ours who felt the same way."

The Police Commissioner nodded. "They relive the old days when the others in their unit find them in the changing room, Welsh."

"I've heard," he agreed happily. "Needed to happen more often."

"Yes it does." He looked at the others then at Welsh again. "Can they lay lower?"

"They were found in the club and the bad guys took over the club while they were there."

"Can they not club?"

"Sure, if you want to volunteer someone to guard and sleep with the kid. Only one way to wear out sex hormones, sir."

"I'd rather not but if I know of someone who swings that way I'll introduce them." Welsh grinned. "Does that one usually live in Chicago?"

"New York. Apparently two SHIELD agents are temporarily staying with him."

"Are they nearby?"

"One's watching his house because he's healing from a severe injury," Vecchio said as he walked in. "The other's handling the problems that SHIELD has hurting it from the inside. That's all the kid said." He stared at them. "I would've asked the kid to go hormone a mob bar." They all scowled at him. "Organized crime said the same thing." He tossed over a report. "I asked for a list of who had kidnaped the kid. It's pretty horrifying but we've only got five out of the nineteen on any list. The others are all international," he finished dryly. "And a prince." He walked off. "Diefenbaker really loves the kid's robotic dogs."

"Diefenbaker and his mountie are both weird," the police commissioner said. "Of course they like robotic dogs."

"Those dogs are supposed to be really handy. Including having emergency settings," Welsh said. "The twins said something about a ball cannon and a taser setting."

"Probably handy for his human then," the Mayor said sarcastically. "Can't he solve that?"

"Not without a whole lot of sex and he's single. Since doing it for yourself isn't as effective...." Welsh stared at him. "Unless you're giving him a happy helper...."

"I'll see if we have one of those who'll volunteer while he's in town," the Commissioner said. He walked off. They could handle this somehow. Maybe if the mob got laid regularly they'd be happier, more quiet citizens that didn't cause as much trouble.

Maybe they could get those twins laid too and it'd help them be quieter and calmer.


Andrew answered the phone. "Harris residence." He listened. "Hey, guys, there's a huge demon that appeared in Seattle. Sophie's calling in begging."

"Be right there," Xander called. All three of them came up pulling on better shirts and the twins had things hovering behind them thanks to the flying robots and the younger Xander's magic. "Can the coven move us?"

Andrew sent a message and they disappeared. Younger Xander looked up at it, squinting. "Damn you're tall. How are we supposed to figure out what you want if you're all the way the fuck up there!"

The demon leaned down, staring at the trio. "You're not a slayer." He grinned. "But I know of you, Knights." He looked at the odd one. "Where did you come from?"

"That other realm that we're merged with," he said dryly, then he pulled out his sword. "Go me."

"I wish you would. It's unbalancing things."

"Yeah but we're having problems so we came for backup." He grinned. "You done yet?"

"No! All I want is one virgin that was promised to me! That way I can make her my handmaiden."

"That's all well and good but what does she think about that idea?" Alex asked.

"She's young. She'll learn to like it." All three of them stared at him. "She will and she was properly promised to me. I was going to take her with me so she could grow up without temptation."

"Nope. You can only take *willing*, *adult* hostages," GHS Xander said dryly. "That's the only way we don't get onto you for this stuff."

"I could bring her mother with her," he said, looking at them. "She did give me her daughter."

The twins looked then at him. "No. She's a baby!"

"This way she's still pure."

Xander stared at him then pulled something out of his pocket to shoot at the demon. It screamed. "I hate people or demons who prey on children," he said bluntly. "And you knew you'd get refused when you tried this. I doubt the slayers were going to help you."

The demon shrugged. "It got you here."

"Andrew's still guarding the house," Alex said with a smirk. "And we have more than enough to handle whatever you bring our way."

"We'll see," it said smugly, then called its friends. The mass of demons appeared.

GHS Xander looked then at the twins. "Want me to take the right side since there's three beheaders there?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah," Alex said, looking them over. "Jump the purple one first. Then get whatever comes. Evil me, take the center. Let me take out this buggy one on this side." They nodded and moved. Alex kicked open the weapon and pulled it out, blowing up the large bug demon and a few others. GHS Xander jumped in to defeat the beheaders. Xander and Alex took out most of the rest.

Stark landed in his suit, firing on the demons. "Backup's here," he quipped. Clint fired an explosive arrow at one of the demons, making it dissolve.

"Thanks, Clint," GHS Xander called. He beheaded another one and turned, finding one that needed lead. "Huh. You need lead to die. Cool." He shot it with the multi-bullet he had loaded when the call came down. He got a few others.

"Focus, mini me," Xander called.

"I'm trying. At least I'm not backed up."

"That wouldn't help any this time," Clint said dryly.

"No but the C-4 collection would," Xander quipped. "Too bad it's in New York."

"Oh, we have other things," Alex said, pulling out something to pet and coo over before firing it off. The demons all screamed and a few died. The other two fired off similar things. That left three to die. Stark fired on one until it finally died. Clint exploded one, then the trio of Xanders gathered around the one that showed up first. "So," Alex said smugly, pulling out his axe. "How has your visit been today?"

"I'll still end you, *Knights*," he sneered. He called his mate. She showed up veiled but strong and evil. You could feel the evil.

GHS Xander shrugged and lunged at her, getting cut pretty badly but he healed fast and this one died messily with a huge scream. "Really? You thought we'd care about her?" He blotted the injuries, making sure his shirt covered them. "So, how's that working out for you now?"

The demon was sobbing over his wife. "Kill it," Stark said. "Put him out of his misery."

"Yup," Alex said, moving up with his special axe, killing it with a blow then cutting off the head. He looked at the mother and kid. "I think someone needs to talk to her about selling her kid."

"We are going to do just that," a female voice called. She smiled and waved. "SHIELD, boys."

Xander grinned and waved. "I saw you in a comic book once. You can handle her?"

"Oh, so fast. Hey, Clint."

He smiled at her. "Bobbi." He came down off his high spot, looking the trio of Xanders over. "C'mon, Xander. We need to get those cleaned up."

"We can get him to a hospital," Bobbi said. Echoed by Stark.

"I'm good. They're already clotted and healing," he said. "Guys? Pick up the remains of the prototypes?" The twins shrugged and took him with them carrying the remaining prototypes.

Clint looked at Stark. "I'm wondering if those two are as nice as ours is."

Stark shrugged. "No idea. I know they've started a weapons designing business." He looked at the agent. "I don't know you."

"I know about you, Mr. Stark. I'm Bobbi Morse." She nodded politely then punched Clint on the arm before walking over. "Let's talk, ma'am. Before I have to call in other types of officials." The woman pulled a knife to try to cut the baby's throat but Bobbi's stave hit her in the forehead so she was knocked out. "I don't think that was the right answer. Pity." She picked up the baby. Clint came over to hold her. "Thanks."

"Welcome." He grinned at her. "Hi, Precious. Are you okay?" The kid sucked her finger, resting against his shoulder.

Stark shook his head, setting fire to the demon remains to clean them up. "You look great with a kid, Hawkeye."

"Thanks, Stark. She's sweet. Only drooling a tiny bit."

Stark looked at the other one. "So, are you like Romanoff?"

"Sometimes." She smirked. Police officers showed up to take custody of her and the baby. The male officer gently and carefully took her from Clint. "Thanks, guys. Can we help more?"

"No, ma'am. Who were those three guys?"

"Two of them are the Harris twins. They're Council," Clint said. "They're the team guarding Chicago but they've just started a weapons design firm."

The cop with the baby nodded. "The other one?"

"With the two realms merged, that's the Xander from my world."

"Oh, okay." He nodded, walking the baby off. They took her stroller with them. "Thank you for the help, people."

"Welcome," Stark said. "Want a ride back?" he quipped.

"Yeah, I can use one." He looked at Bobbi. "Have you seen Coulson recently?"

"He died."

"He got saved. The one in my world got saved. He's at Xander's house in New York."

"I'll have to pop in to yell at him for worrying us." She walked off. "Have a good flight wherever."

"Going back to working on a problem," Stark quipped. He picked up Clint so they could fly off to Eureka. It was only about a half-hour trip.


Phil Coulson was watching the short battle, and decided to save himself the beating. He called her instead. "The younger Xander got some elixir of life from another of him in another realm that does potions," he said in greeting. "I still spent most of a month in a coma. I thought Clint would've told you by now, Bobbi." He smiled at her, petting the garden nymph on his knee. She was doing some self repair after running into a tree.

"I'm watching Xander's garden nymphs do some self repair functions while watching the battle on tv. I'm hoping that child has a better second parent." He smiled. "No, he's helping Stark in Eureka at the moment. Did you get information from Nick yet? Or Maria?" He listened. "Exactly. I am in a safe place and outside of that. I know I'm not one of them. Of course you can. Xander wouldn't mind me having visitors. I'll see you in a few days. Be safe, Bobbi. There's a lot of filth out there." He hung up, helping the nymph fix her arm.


GHS Xander got the message from Phil, looking at the picture of the damage. He texted it to Stark to see if he could switch out a different type of wire in her arm. He had no idea. Stark said he'd have to look at it and the wire but possibly. Xander summoned her to him and got to work on the arm injury with Alex and Andrew's help. No, that wire wouldn't work and there wasn't anywhere you could get that sort of wire in Chicago. Or New York when he called his usual supplier. Or LA when the local Xander called Fred to see if she could find it for them.

Phil wrote suggesting 'organ donation' from the battle nymph that had died during the invasion of Manhattan. Xander wasn't against that but it felt really wrong to him. He got sent home by someone to go gather the battle nymphs and a Pippen tank from the goblins because they claimed they had too many at the moment, then he got taken back to Chicago after gathering some of the excess food in the freezer. The twins liked fruit and he missed some of his speciality fruits. Even Andrew liked it because it meant he didn't feel compelled to cook. Xander looked at him, taking that compulsion off him.

Andrew hugged him. "Thanks, Xander. Was it Rosenburg?"

"I wouldn't know. She doesn't exist in my realm."

"Hmm. That still works. Thanks." He and the twins helped Xander replace the wire from the 'fallen' battle nymph. She could use her arm and it was better when he reactivated her. Though he did send one of the battle nymphs to Clint to help him. Clint didn't have anyone to talk to in the town of geeks. The twins got down to look over Pippen and the nymphs. They were adorable. Xander's plans showed the original from the twins and the newly updated ones. It was a great idea, one they could definitely use.


Clint looked up when something landed next to his hand, patting her on the head. "Hey. Why did you come here?" It wrote down the master had sent her to help guard him since he was bored anyway and so was she. "That's not a bad idea. Would you let Stark look you over? I know he said he wanted to." She nodded, flying up to sit on his shoulder. "Thanks. Did he give you guys names?" She shook her head. "Then I'll call you...."

"We named their designation as mortifero parum nympha," Stark said as he walked past them. "It's Latin like a proper designation should be."

"Then we'll go with the Italian version. Nifa," he said, looking at her. She smiled and nodded. "Cool. Let's let Stark look at your wires. I know your usual human hated that one of the garden nymphs got hurt on a tree." Stark came back with the magnifying glasses and settled in to look at her wires. "Coulson said he showed up to get the one that fell in battle to donate."

"That's sad."

"He also showed the twin hims the Pippen tanks."

"I'm sure they'll love it. Their other set of twins created them." He looked up at her. "You need to clean some of your joints, Nifa." She looked then huffed and pulled something off her back to dust herself off. Stark grinned, taking it to do it for her. She let him because a girl had to be pampered now and then.

Clint watched, grinning at Stark the Geek.

Nathan Stark stomped out with Fargo right behind him. "What is that?"

"This is a mortifero parum nympha," Tony Stark said as he worked. "The Xander in our world created this subspecies of nymph for the battle in Manhattan." He looked up. "She's one that brought reloads and help to some of us."

"That's nice," Fargo said. "Very compact." He sat down to look at her too. "Are you sentient?"

"Slightly," Tony said.

"The garden ones are good," Clint said. "They fussed over Coulson when he was still unconscious. Did all his daily movement stuff and bed baths for him." Tony grinned at him. "Xander said that way he couldn't be embarrassed."

"It's a good idea." He went back to looking over things. "I can see why the wire he could find wouldn't work. That's a really strong fiber optic computer wire but it's a multi-tasking type instead of a single function one." He closed her arm back up, cleaning up the rest of her joints. Clint smoothed down her hair, making her grin at him. She flew up to land on Stark's cheek to kiss him then flew back to Clint to sit on his shoulder.

Nathan Stark looked at her then at Tony. "Does she have recording capabilities?"

"Not that I've ever seen," he said. "Not that Clint goes into the labs."

"Point. Fine, but she can't go into anywhere classified." She flapped a hand at him and made snorting noises. "Great, mouthy robotic nymphs."

"They're great friends and helpers for Xander," Clint said, patting her on the foot. "He didn't make you guys shoes?" She shook her head. "Did he give you anything beyond the battle outfit? That way you look like you're on vacation?" She shook her head again. "Maybe we can make you a skirt or something. Natasha would like that look." She giggled, kissing him on the cheek.

Nathan Stark shook his head. Tony sent a text message, getting Frodo. "What is that?"

"That is Xander's first pet, Frodo. It's very protective," Clint said. "It's taken out agents and others trying to bother him. It's snuck into SHIELD to give prerecorded messages about Xander having been taken, and it can run fingerprints and ID's."

Nathan frowned. "Why?"

"Hormones," Tony said dryly. "So many hormones."

"Is there a way we can study them? Maybe see if there's some sort of cure?" Fargo asked.

"SHIELD's lab had been trying," Clint said. "They couldn't find a way either."

"We can see what they have on it," Fargo said. "It's got to be horrible to live with that."

"Sometimes, but sometimes it's fun," Tony said with a shrug. "It's tiring for him to always be alone but otherwise it's just part of who he is. He has to be a bit paranoid about his safety but he lets Clint have a room for free for the saving he does."

Clint nodded. "He also protected me from SHIELD agents who were going to take me out for having been under mind control."

"It's good of him," Tony said with a grin. "We should bring those instructional tapes."

"Natasha guards them like they're a national treasure," Clint said with an evil smirk. "Even if anthropologist sorts would like the storytelling dances."

"And others for the erotic moves," Tony quipped back.

"There are?" Nathan demanded. Clint pulled up video on his phone. He took it to look at, staring at the moving figure. He cleared his throat, handing it back. "Not bad."

"That's one part of one dance. There's eighty hours of story," Stark said. "Natasha's learning them because they lead to another form of fighting with a sword or daggers."

"I'm sure she'd look good like that." He went back to the tank. "You have rechargeable batteries I haven't seen before."

"If you hurt his dog he'll kill you," Stark warned.

"I'm not. It's a robot." Frodo bit him, hard, then shot a ball at him.

"Yeah but it's a pretty sentient robotic dog," Tony said dryly, reaching down to pet it. "We would never let him hurt you, Frodo. We know how much you mean to your Xander." The dog barked at him and rolled over to get the ball, bringing it back.

Clint took it to throw for him. "Frodo and Samwise both love fetch."

Fargo shut his mouth, then shook his head, moving to check Nathan over. "It looks like he'll wake up fine. Let me get the infirmary up here."

The sheriff wandered over, petting the robotic dog when it paused to stare at him. "Hi. Who're you?"

"That's my Xander's dog Frodo," Clint said.

"It's a nice dog. Did it bite Stark?"

"Yup," Tony chirped. "He thought Frodo was only a robot." He threw the ball a bit farther. Frodo barked, speeding up as it rolled after it. "Oh, that's toward water." Nifa flew off to rescue the ball from where Frodo couldn't go. "He taught them to work together very well."

"That was..." the sheriff said, blinking hard. "Okay." He nodded. "What is that?"

Tony shrugged. "A battle nymph Xander made. We've named their kind mortifero parum nympha. As opposed to the garden helping version."

"I named this one Nifa," Clint said, taking her back to look her over. "I didn't know you could go in the water." She nodded with a smirk. She flew over to Fargo, sitting on his arm to stare up at him. "Nifa, behave." She flapped her hand at him then stared at Fargo, who shook her hand with a finger. She giggled, patting him on the hand before flying up to look at his hair. Clint shook his head. She found seeds in his hair, gathering them onto the table.

Dr. Alison Blake walked out. "What happened? And who are our two guests, Jack?"

"This is Nifa," Clint said with a point at her. "She's one of Xander's battle helper nymphs. She brought us reloads during the one in Manhattan. That is Frodo, Xander's dog."

"I wanted to compare the wires," Tony said. "Xander had a wiring question about one of his garden helpers that needed a wire transplant after running into a tree. He was using micro conduit types of wires instead of the simpler single strand ones." Nifa found more seeds to pluck them out. "What did you run into, Fargo?"

"I don't know where they came from. I haven't been near a botany lab."

Frodo got handed a seed by Nifa and he scanned it, putting up a virtual display showing what type of seed it was.

Alison stared. "You're very handy, Frodo. Thank you. I know who's dealing with that and I'll gladly go yell at them for seeding Fargo." She gathered them up. Nifa handed over a few more and then went back to Clint's shoulder. "She's very handy and it looks like Frodo is a very protective pet."

"Yes, he is," Tony agreed with a smile for her. "He's even kept Xander from being kidnaped a few times."

"I was thinking we could get the present work on the hormone condition he has to see if any of our people are working on something that could provide relief," Fargo said.

"It's not a bad idea. Go ahead, Fargo." He nodded, making that call to Coulson, who could arrange it. She smiled at the dog, petting it on the head. "You're a good boy." She went inside with the seeds. Nathan could suffer his consequences. These new people did have some strange problems that gave them all ideas.

Jack Carter smiled at the duo. "Want lunch? They can come with you."

"Sure," Clint agreed, getting up. She was holding onto his collar. Frodo rolled behind them with the ball. Others might want to play fetch with him. The scientists in the restaurant all stared at him when he approached them but a few petted and one did play fetch with him. It made him a happy puppy.

"Guys, he's got about an eighty hour power pack," Clint said. "I'm sure he's been recharging most of the time though." They nodded, getting down to look at the dog.

"Don't harm him. He just bit Nathan," Tony quipped with a grin for them. "That is our Xander's first pet, Frodo."

"He's cute," one said. "Very strong too." He was testing that by playing tug-of-war with a towel Vincent had been using. "Can it do stairs?" Frodo hopped up into a nearby chair and barked happily. "You're a wonderfully designed dog, Frodo." They all looked them over. Their local robotic dogs were much more realistic looking but could only do dog things. This one was a specialized dog. Maybe they could merge the two styles to give theirs more functions.

Clint looked at Nifa, who huffed but stayed with him. "Okay. Make sure they don't hurt him. You know Xander will show up to beat them to death." She nodded, flying over to help protect the Frodo. They all stared at her. "That's Nifa. She's a battle helping nymph."

"Does she have weapons?" one of them asked, looking at Clint. "Your design?"

"Xander's. I have no idea if they have weapons or not. The garden variety has hand sanitizer packets in their arms and blades to cut plants. Nifa, do you have weapons?" She stared at him. "I can ask Xander." She nodded so he texted. Xander showed up to take back his pets and let her show off. The scientists were very happy with the tiny, lock burning laser and her taser setting that ran through her hands. "Thanks, Xander. Oh, Frodo had to bite Nathan Stark. He wanted to look too closely at his batteries."

"They're batteries. Why would he?"

"They're not their sort of rechargeable," Tony said, looking at him. "That's why I wanted to look at them too."

"Oh. Yeah, the other twins created those for their designs." He disappeared with Frodo, leaving Nifa there. She squealed and flew back to Clint, hugging him around the neck.

"I like you too, Nifa. Let's have lunch?" She nodded, sitting on someone's phone to suck the energy out of it.

"There's a plug," Stark said with a point. She looked then plugged herself in, extending her cord to sit with them again. The owner of the phone took it back to look over and recharge. She hadn't hurt it, just drained the battery.

Vincent stared, but was smiling. "She's adorable."

"She needs more clothes than the battle outfit or a garden nymph dress," Clint quipped. "She's too big for Barbie clothes though."

"Like real women, she's nowhere near Barbie's unrealistic sizes," one of the people at the counter quipped. Vincent got her more coffee. She came over to look at her. "You're sweet looking and clearly helpful. Just don't cause us any problems and let us know if you find one." The nymph nodded, staring up at her. "Then you're not any more weird than Fargo," she said, walking off.

"Thanks, Jo," Jack called, waving at his deputy's back. "She's in a great mood today. I'm almost worried about why."

The others in the restaurant nodded they agreed.


Somewhere in South America, a group of commandos got the news of the joining by meeting themselves, only they looked rougher. "Hey," Clay said, nodding at that team. "Why are you guys here? And did that one with the hair come with you?"

"Hair...." that other Clay said. He looked at Cougar, who shrugged.

"Something about hormones," Roque said dryly.

"Oh, we heard about him from the twins," Jensen said with a grin. He looked at his team. "They told us about the last convention, guys."

"We all quit listening when the headaches started," Pooch said. He sat down, looking at himself. "The twins sent us a note about the realms joining but this is weird even on the Jensen scale."

"General Collis said he thought he had already sent us on this op," the twins' Roque said, sitting down near himself. "Guess he was right." He looked over at the two geeks, who were sharing information files quickly with each other. "Anything helpful?"

"Yeah," Jensen from the chaosy little GHS's universe said, smiling at him. "I knew something was wrong with this guy. He wants a Xander of his own. He's on the list Xander and Clint made."

"Clint?" the other Clay asked.

"Hawkeye," their Clay said. "He's rooming with Xander for the price of rescues. Something about mind control and he's presently hovering over his former handler that's healing from a stab wound to the chest."

"He's had a lot of frequent flyer miles," Jensen said dryly with a grin. "Including to this one prince that *really* can't seem to keep his hands off Xander, but he sued him for being rescued. I'm pretty sure that Clint promised to blow up his castle next time he had to come rescue Xander."

"Hell, Xander could do it on his own if he's anything like our set of twins," Pooch said, shaking his head and looking up. "Freaky, dangerous, and makes weapons."

"Ours can use a forge to make swords and stuff," the other Pooch said. "But not real weapons. We've been checking on him now and then in case he shows up on one of our ops."

The bartender came over. "Is it a twin's convention?" he demanded.

Cougar nodded. Jensen grinned at him. "We're too amazing to be stuck in only one body." The bartender huffed but walked off. The two computer geeks went back to sharing information. The team leaders shared a look then shook their heads.

"Got him," the local team's hacker said then beamed at them all. "He's even local tomorrow."

"Good, then we can deal with the freaky stuff later," Roque decided, getting up. The other one followed him to their motel to get that team rooms. They had to squeeze into two rooms but Pooch could handle rooming with Cougar and Jensen for a few nights.

Following them, Jensens were sharing about their versions of Xander. This new team needed to know how to handle a GHS problem too just in case one started around them. Everyone wanted a GHS of their own.


In DC that night, a hidden HYDRA agent was reporting to his boss about the battle in Seattle. HYDRA was very interested in that Council group, especially the ones who had left the group's safety to go out on their own. The three of them in Chicago were a deeply watched group, and now that there was this ....realm merge thing going on, the new Harris was interesting in whole new ways. Especially since that agent said he saw Harris' injuries healing during the battle. Someone had hacked the twins to check on what they knew of that other them. The information packet on GHS was given a once-over and thought to be interesting but not useful. Until someone realized they could probably create a fake version to destabilize people.

Part 2 by Voracity2
In Chicago, all three Xanders grabbed their heads as the vision hit over dinner, moaning as Alex fell onto the floor, his twin Xander clutching the table, and the younger GHS Xander looking up starting to swear at higher ups. "Do we really need the brain ripping pain with them!" he demanded finally. The others around were quiet. He gulped some water. "Sorry, vision," he said, squeezing his eyes shut. He called Clint by feel, he was his second speed dial; Frodo was still his first. "Clint, me. We all three just had a vision and I'm guessing theirs were like mine. HYDRA wants to make a GHS creating bomb."

He squinted, smiling at the kid that got him more ice water. "Thank you, sweetheart. That's very kind." He listened. "Yeah, that stuff. Well, gee, it takes guys like me and turns them into lap purr kitties, Clint. Why would they want to do that to various governments or groups they didn't agree with?" he said dryly. "Exactly. Someone in DC. Oh, that someone in DC also apparently got a report on me healing during the battle. Yeah, that stuff. Thanks."

Alex took the phone. "The geek in question wasn't SHIELD, he's FBI," he said in a growl. "Yes, one of them. I have no idea what his name was but if I find him, he's a goner. No, the kids are here with us. Yeah, that's what they're doing." Younger Xander was helping the other Xander out to a couch to lay down. "Dude, the three of us just fell down with a brain ripping vision about this. I'm pretty sure that's something for hero studs like you to deal with instead of letting us do it in our own special, fun way," he said sarcastically. "I don't have their number. We have yours. Exactly. Have fun with that. Kick them in the balls a few times for me." He hung up and gulped the ice water, leaning back in his seat. "They need to hurt less. I'd listen to them if they hurt less," he called, looking up.

Cordelia faded into view, shaking her head. "Not our doing. You're not our seers, Alex."

He grinned. "Is the other Xander one?"

"No and that's freakiness they're really pissed off about. Apparently the Gaia from that realm pissed off all the Powers That Be in all three realms by solving that."

Younger Xander came in to stare at her. "Is that because she's aligned with their God Protector of Humanity?" he asked dryly. "And his spouse Phil, God of Heroes?"

Cordelia stared at him. "You don't know me, do you, kid?" she asked with a mean smirk.

"I've heard plenty about you from the ones that used to date the you in their world. That's one reason why we hold yearly conventions, bragging and sharing about former and present dates." He grinned. "I met a few nice arms dealers thanks to that."

She rolled her eyes. "Great." She looked at Alex. "I'll point out the pain just kills you guys but you know the Powers hate you two."

"As opposed to me breaking their little crystalline bodies and realm?" younger Xander quipped with a mean grin. He summoned something, holding it up. "Booknerd us, Dumass, found it in a tomb in the Middle East."

She stared at it. "What does it do?"

"It's holding something that'll eat the Powers That Be's whole realm," he said with a grin. "He thought I might need it the most out of all of us."

She blinked a few times. "Go put that in a safe? I'd hate to be unemployed and just floating around being bored." He grinned bouncing it in his hand a few times. "I'll go pass on that message." She faded out.

Alex reached over to snatch the little ball. "Is it still full?"

"It was when we changed over," he said. "If not, blame Loki and Gaia. Then again, would that mean the Devon coven in my world would quit getting bad ideas about me being their big, strong protector sort?"

"Maybe," Alex said, taking it to put into a safe. That was a bit too mean for the vision headache.

Xander sat down, getting more ice water. "Sorry, the Powers That Be were rude to interrupt dinner." The kids relaxed, smiling at him again so they could finish dinner.


Clint waved at Stark. "C'mere." He called Steve's phone, getting a rougher sounding Steve Rogers. "It's me and Stark. Our Xander and the ones locally just had a vision. HYDRA is *very* interested in the GHS stuff, Cap. They're planning on using it to destabilize people they don't like. As our Xander put, it takes guys like us and turns them into purring lap kittens." He listened. "Exactly. He also said that an FBI agent who is HYDRA reported about the battle in Seattle, including how our Xander healed some during it." He heard them discussing it with Nick Fury, apparently theirs because he understood what Clint wasn't saying. "SHIELD does have information on GHS stuff thanks to protecting our Xander. There might be enough to engineer some sort of turning on gas or something."

Loki appeared, looking smug. "Yes, in the Miami version of the young, chaos sort a higher up who wanted to pretend to be a Caesar did create a shot to turn such problems on," he said happily. "But he was looking to make his own as he didn't like males. He wanted to make a version of that Xander for himself, only more pleasing in body format."

"Hear that?" Clint asked. "Yeah, that is ours. Still got the lines to him. I can see them. Yup, but think about it this way, Cap. What if they dose you with it? That would certainly change your life, right?" He grinned at Stark, who had just shuddered. "That's one way to take over a good portion of humanity because they'd probably want to control the ones they infected. Which would bring back slavery but they'd call it protecting.....yeah, that stuff," he said with a smirk for Stark.

"Exactly! So.... Have fun. Need my help? I can get hold of Natasha. She's with Coulson. Good luck." He called Natasha. "All three Xanders had a vision of HYDRA making something to turn people they wanted to control into GHS members." He heard the silence. "Yeah, for real, Natasha." She said something quietly. "Both Steves are in DC. Also, one of theirs in the FBI noticed how our Xander healed during that small battle in Seattle. Have fun with that." He hung up on her muttering something in Russian. He looked at Stark. "Find. An. Antidote. Today?"

"Yeah, if I can. I need to figure out how they'd do that." He glared at Loki. "Can you get me the research notes on that shot or whatever?" Loki held up the DVD. "Thanks. Hopefully they won't try to release it on Asgard."

Loki burst out in warm, happy chuckles. "I'd almost beg to see that happen." He disappeared. His errand of chaos and spreading happy news was done with for now. Until they got the first few test subjects.

Clint looked at Stark. "We need to start making rescue plans."

"Or find a way to set up a suitable brothel like environment so they can wear it out," Alison Blake said. "Let's work on an antidote. Maybe it can help your Xander too." She took the DVD, walking off calling for a few chemists to meet them in a certain lab. Stark was following. "This is absolutely secret, people. HYDRA wants to make something like this to destabilize countries. Unless you want to end up a sex slave begging for more mistreatment, we need to find a way to neutralize this and possibly cure it if anyone's exposed." They nodded, coming in to look it over. One hung back, grimacing. "I called for you specifically. In the natural sufferers, it's a high hormone and pheromone problem."

"I've seen. Why would they like that?"

"Because if they can turn guys who are warrior enough to destroy realms protecting themselves into purring sex slaves, then they can take out presidents, generals, all that," Stark said.

She nodded. "Sexual gratification is a damnable human condition that makes everyone suffer. If I could, I'd make sure no human had such nasty needs or desires." She came over to look at it. "That ...would definitely throw your body out of whack."

Stark pulled up information he had on Xander that others, including SHIELD, didn't have. "This is the one we know of in our realm. We've only got a few. There's a realm that helped him learn how to deal with it that has about three thousand sufferers at various levels."

She read it over, including the information packet, grimacing but nodding. "That definitely needs to be stopped for those poor people." She got to work with the original information and a copy of the notes from the DVD. It would help make her dream of asexual reproduction come to life. Alison Blake smiled at her and walked Stark off with Clint following. Maybe they'd be able to stop this bad plan in the making.


In New York, Natasha carefully put her phone down, looking at her counterpart and handler. "HYDRA got told about GHS," she said quietly. Her counterpart had been told about them when she had snooped into the room of hands that helped Xander wear himself out. "They are looking into it as a weapon."

The other Natasha stared at her. "Excuse me?" she demanded. The non-native Natasha nodded. "Interesting plan. How do we know?"

"All three Xanders had the vision. Loki, ours, also said that another GHS Xander's world had a shot to produce such results. Clint's getting information on it."

Coulson cleared his throat. "Tell Captain Rogers."

"I shall," she said, making that call. "It's myself and Coulson." She listened. "He did call me, yes. Where are we starting? Before they decide I'm useful in other manners?" she asked dryly. She nodded once, checking her present amount of weapons. "Give me an hour to grab a few things from Xander's basement and I'll be right there with this realm's me." She nodded, standing up. "I'll see you in about an hour." She hung up and led the way downstairs to gather weapons. Her other self followed. They came up, staring at Coulson. Who smirked at her. "Will you be safe by yourself?"

"Of course and if I have to I'm not alone. There's a portal to goblin warriors, a dragon, and all the nymphs." Both of them smirked at him before leaving. SHIELD's building wasn't too far away and they could fly a quin jet down.


Alex sent a message through the letterbox that connected all the Xanders about that vision. A few sent suggestions back, which got sent to Stark. One of them suggested letting various groups being used as a test subject before they ended it. It would certainly screw up a terrorist organization if they were suddenly confused, needy, gay sex wanting men. Alex shared that with the others and the local people. Ray Vecchio groaned but said it was a bad idea that had merit. Reddington asked why they were even discussing that. Alex sent him a copy of the vision they had suffered through. The Xander convention system was being very helpful with ideas today. Time traveling Xander had ideas about a few herbs that might take down the needs a bit easier than the present herb mix.


In Washington, DC a well known 'broker' looked at the vision again then went to a contact's handler. He wasn't really wanted anywhere near anyone in Homeland Security but he could break the truce the FBI had with them for this. He even brought someone with him. "Agent Ressler," he said as he opened the car door and got out, staring at him. "Get in please. We have a problem coming. We have to go talk to other agents."

Donald Ressler glared at his 'asset'. "What, no Lizzie?" he asked sarcastically.

"It's going to take military minds this time, Ressler. The twins and the other Xander had a vision. Unless you'd like to end up like that other Xander?" Ressler came over to get into the car. Reddington got back in, letting him have the copy of the vision.

"Oh, damn," Ressler muttered as he read.

"Exactly. Which is why we need to go see a certain Homeland agent."

"Barrings' on sick leave for a few days. Got a graze on his ankle that required stitches."

"We can go to his house," Reddington said, rubbing his forehead. His phone beeped with a message from the twins. "Oh, someone in another realm that's not related to all this realm merge has one." Ressler shuddered. "Stark's working on it out in Eureka."

"Great!" Ressler snarled. "Why would they do that?"

"Think about it hitting someone like the president," Raymond Reddington said, looking at him. Ressler sighed, shaking his head. "Though Alex did say that someone suggested we let them test it on a few irritating walking-penis population groups as he calls some terrorist groups."

"I can't see someone like the one in the Middle East being happy with that," Ressler said, smirking at him. "But I might pay money to see it."

"Me too. Even at Pay-Per-View rates."


Younger Xander looked at the twins while they were tinkering in the lab, petting his poor bored dog Frodo. "How do the HYDRA guys identify each other? Is it like a tattoo or something?"

Alex shrugged. "That might make them vulnerable to others finding out they're HYDRA too soon."

"But then just anyone can walk up and go 'hail, HYDRA' and be admitted as one," twin Xander agreed. "That is a problem. Even if it's by referral only how do the people you haven't met know you're HYDRA?"

Alex considered it. "That is a serious security flaw. You can't have anything identifying you as HYDRA but without some form of identification code they might get infiltrated." He thought then shrugged. "Code words?"

"Like fence codes? Not that hard to find out," younger Xander said. The twins nodded. Frodo barked and put up a video of two local officers talking about their gate codes to the local HYDRA base. "Well. Where did you see that, Frodo?" He showed his whole path to get there. He had been out to fetch his human a candy bar from a good place. He looked at the twins.

"We have to warn first," Alex said. "But we can warn people we trust." He called someone. "Kowalski, Alex Harris. Frodo caught video of someone doing something stupid. We're warning you before we show up there to handle the issue." He listened to the choking and complaining. "Yup, tonight. Thanks." He hung up. "Give him twenty minutes, Frodo. That's a very good boy." Frodo barked, letting that version of his human pet him too. They did pet very nicely. Alex was even wearing a computer glove so he could feel the brush of power over his exoskeleton.

Kowalski stomped down the stairs a bit later with someone behind him. GHS Xander stared at the new guy. "We don't know you and one of the guys we saw was an officer," he said bluntly. The guy grimaced. "Like majorly bad thing."

"I'm a SWAT commander, Mr. Harris."

He texted the twins, who came down. Frodo showed the whole video, including those two officers. Kowalski frowned. "They're the bad guys that're being fought in DC, right?"

"They're the bad guys infecting every single agency," Xander said. "To the point of wanting to take over the world." He pulled up the information file Clint had sent him at his request. "This is on them." They looked and Kowalski nodded once. "So....prototypes? Being our badass selves? Having a poker debt mysteriously go and start eating them?"

"That's probably going to be too nasty even for those sort," the SWAT team commander complained. "I'd hate to have to clean that up."

"Some of them will eat the whole body," Alex offered with a grin. "I've used them as a threat to a shitbag ex-boyfriend of one of the slayers. Then she introduced them to one."

"Let's work on arresting them," Kowalski ordered. "That way they can pay for their bad decisions." The twins nodded. "Will someone federal take them?"

"If so, there's a great chance it's one of their kind," Xander said. Younger Xander was frowning around. "What?"

"Scrying," he said. He blocked it off. "Not the same feeling as the compulsion on Andrew to just cook."

"'Drew!" Alex called. "Who's scrying?"

"Willow," he called.

"They didn't do that compulsion," younger Xander called.

"Thanks for the warning. Yeah, I'll talk to Willow." He called her. "They're handling a problem that's human in nature but it will get you and the girls killed," he said bluntly. "Scry toward DC, Willow, looking for helicarriers." He hung up, letting her do that. She texted a shriek a few minutes later so he suggested she summon the comic book next to him. She did and went off on a muttering rant about stupid shit. He pointed out they were the stupid shit and they were going to hurt her, them, and the slayers. She said she'd work up protections and he could do the twins. They were more vulnerable. Who knows how many of their ex's would sell them out since they were already bad guys. Andrew brought his phone down to show Alex, who sent back his own message with a list of them. She sent back a 'thank you for that list' and left it there.

Alex stared at the last message. "You're hacked, Andrew."

"I figured we were," he quipped, then he sent an activation code to something. "Pity about me inheriting things from Warren." He walked off looking happy. Younger Xander bounced after him to hug him then went back to the talk. Andrew grinned. That younger Xander was a lot happier than the twins he knew.


In DC, an urgent message rang on Ressler's phone. "Sorry, urgent from Cooper." He answered. "Yes, sir?" He listened. "Why did Andrew.... The same people were going after them, weren't they? Or they think they are?" He nodded, looking at Reddington.

"If I was HYDRA I'd be worried about the Council and Andrew too," he agreed. "But the last I knew the hacker in Andrew's things was someone who likes him."

Ressler repeated that. "Thank you, sir. If you talk to him I'm sure he'd be happy but we do know that some agents are compromised by that overall plan. Like maybe a tenth of the agency, Cooper. Exactly. Thanks." He hung up. "He'll talk to Andrew."

"I'm sure Andrew's reasonable in most circumstances," Reddington said. Something outside blew up and they all saw a shiny object go flying past. "I believe we have heros in town, Agent Ressler."

He went to look outside. "Guys, this house belongs to a Homeland agent that works with the Council's people. Do you need our help?" he demanded.

"Just stay inside," one of the guys said. "I'm not sure they're not here for him."

"Or for Reddington," he said. "Thanks. We'll go out the other exit." He closed the exit, looking at the two heading for the back door. Ressler followed, making sure the doors were all locked. They left, going back to the Post Office covert center Ressler worked out of. They knew their coworkers weren't dirty to that sort.

Though one came at Reddington and got shot for it. Dembe got in to drive them. It was best they were out of the way in a protected spot.


In Chicago, Alex looked at the text message. "HYDRA went after Reddington," he said. "Wow are they dumbasses."

"He's got a lot of information," younger Xander said.

"Good point but he's not exactly the sort to worry about who's buying it in most cases." The twins shared a look then at Kowalski.

"Subtle," he warned.

"Not a chance," younger Xander said with a grin. "I'm only twenty. I haven't learned that yet." He blinked his big eyes at him. "We can be mean, right, guys?"

"Yes we can," twin Xander said smugly, looking at his more evil half. Alex just grinned back. "Blowing debts? There's three ex's in town."

Alex considered it then nodded. "Two might be involved but I'm doubting one would since he hates racists." He called him. "It's Alex. There's idiots with ideas of purity coming for us. Would you like warning time to clear our?" He listened. "Yeah, them. Really? No, I can't support them and you're the last person I would've suspected. Well, yeah, but there's things they don't count on. Like there's presently three Xanders in this realm. Plus some extra superheroes. Thanks, man. You have a happy life and just....clear out and watch, okay?" He hung up and texted half the others in his address book at once, including Clint's number. That one got back a 'fuck' but otherwise the rest winced and said they were staying out of the way but would guard any slayers for them. "Got it." He sent a message to Buffy then looked at his twin. "Plan 2?"

"Plan C," he countered.

"Too many to alpha dog," younger Xander said. "We have to be the bitch they didn't think we could be."

The twins shared a look and nodded. "Yes, we can. Go change, mini us." He giggled as he walked off to change. Alex smirked at the two officers, who both backed away slowly. "You can follow us."

"Yes, we will be," Kowalski said. "Don't take Diefenbaker this time either. We can't involve Canada. The Dragon Lady will pop a vein."

"Not a problem." They went up to change into stuff from their hunting clothes. Alex was in jeans that were well past the level of sinful but were comfy enough to be able to kick ass in. Xander was in slightly less tight jeans but he looked fantastic in his t-shirt. Younger Xander was now in a leather pants and vest outfit that made him look like a young sex god who just happened to carry a sword. They left together, leaving everyone else there.

Pity for the bad guys. They had done fucked up.


"Boy," an older man at a bar the boys paused at said, staring at the younger Xander. "Are you gay?"

"Some of us are just fantastic enough that we need the leather," he said with a smirk. "It's a sign."

"Uh-huh. So very gay." He looked inside then at the twins. "They won't want to talk to him."

"That's funny, a few of them in there were probably there when I had to hormone bomb a club the other day to get free of unwanted attention," younger Xander said dryly. The man stood up, mouth open. Xander smiled. "I didn't want them at that time. Now, we're warning there's bad guys in town. May we, sir?"

"Um... let me get someone." He went inside to hiss in the bartender's ear. He sent out the higher up in the bar, who sighed when he saw him. "Them, sir."

"Twins," he said, nodding at them. He looked at the other one. "You're clearly related."

"Our realms are merged for two months," he quipped with a grin. "There's super bad guys in town. We wanted to make sure you guys weren't going to get hurt by them too."

"What sort of super bad guys?" the higher up asked. This was worrying. The twins didn't warn people like them. They looked deadly. The younger Harris looked deadly but cute in his leather. Alex handed over information. He read it, staring at them. "Oh, no."

"Oh, yeah," Alex said with a nod and a grin. "So we're warning. We found a few cops involved."

"Oh, fuck us," he said, going inside. "Follow, boys." They followed him, the guard going back to his seat.

"Hey, no leather gay sluts in here," one complained. Then he had to choke as the dagger nearly castrated him and he hadn't seen which one threw it. Thankfully he spilled his beer on the cut so it was not bleeding as heavily.

Xander grinned as he grabbed his younger self's knife from the guy's lap. "He's not that into leather. It's pretty body armor in his case." He handed him the knife, letting him clean it off and put it back into the hidden holster. Everyone in the bar was staring now and when the head of the local syndicate stood up in a rage they all realized that it wasn't the trio pissing him off.

"Merle!" he shouted. "Come here." He got up and came over, his steps loud in the silent bar. "What do you know about these freaks?" he demanded. He handed over the notes.

Merle looked at it and winced. "We've been wondering about them. I've got a guy watching them to see what in God's name they're doing."

"They're bad guys," Alex said with a shrug. "Part our sort of problem and part yours." Merle nodded. "Anything you can tell us before we go ...handle the problem?"

"They're scared to death of someone named Fury."

"He's the head of SHIELD," younger Xander said. "They're filled with this sort."

Merle considered it. "How mystical are they?"

"Very," younger Xander said. "The ones from my realm used mystical artifacts to gain power back in World War II. We don't want a repeat of a super powerful artifact being used by them."

Merle winced. "Us either. We can help you guys by guarding your backs. Them dealing with mystical stuff means I don't want 'em anywhere near my good, Catholic boy self."

Twin Xander patted him on the arm. "We don't want them on our earth." Merle smiled, relaxing. "Any help would be appreciated, guys. We know they have dirty cops."

"Um, yeah, there's like five or six that go in there," he said. He looked at his boss, who waved a hand while drinking his beer. "Yes, sir. C'mon, boys. You guys drive?"

"Yeah," younger Xander said with a grin. "I hardly ever get to do it at home. Too many people try to kidnap my cute ass so I have to react."

"It's the pants," Merle joked.

"Nah, today it's just a distraction. I had one try me while I was in flannel jammie pants." They followed Merle out, and a few of Merle's guys came to help. He looked at the twins. "Is the Council hiding anything like they'd want?"

"Um...yeah, three or four things. We've sent a warning though," Alex said, looking at his twin. Who sent a text to Andrew about one in particular. He got back one that the artifact was safely stored. So yeah, they could do this.


On Asgard, Odin was watching how things were being handled and saw things that weren't going to go well for anyone, because it would spread from Midgard to Asgard too easily. So perhaps he should give his son's battle brothers some more help. Gaia should not mind. Much. It was her realm anyway.


In Malibu, a different Tony Stark got a sudden email from Atlantis of all places, mostly because they were off doing science studies. But John Sheppard had emailed him about god things. He read it, frowning. "Oregon, yeah, I should go handle that. JARVIS, carbon copy that to the kids, set up the emergency protocols, get all the kids here and make sure Dawn's are safe too. I doubt we'll be able to count on her not joining in some day, even though she's pregnant."

"Yes, sir," the AI said. "I'm also initiating a protocol to scan for that program that other you created before I'm infested."

"Thanks, JARVIS, I knew I could count on you. I'm flying up." He went to get into his suit. It wasn't that long of a flight at top speed.


In DC, a young woman walked up to a battle site. "Eww, so gross," she said, flipping her hair back so she could pull it up. "This just won't do." Everyone stared at her. She smiled. "Hi, Willow Rosenburg. The New Council of Watchers isn't really happy with this." She grinned, waving at someone. "Hi, Captain. You're a great role model for our girls, but go sit down like a good boy for me, 'kay?" She looked at the others, raising a hand. "Let's play, little idiots."

One of them fired at her. She paused it. "Yawn. Xander and his twin have faced off with worse than this, guys. Hell, they survived Africa for years with worse than this." They tried to bring her down but she froze them then changed most of them into miniature horses. "Aww, cuteness." She smiled at the staring heros. "What?" She herded her new pets with her. Then she came back a few minutes later to bring down a problem trying to form. "Hi, how're you?" she demanded.

Gaia stared at her. "Well," she said. "That was interesting. Would Hecate agree to that, young lady?"

"Who're you?" she demanded.

"Gaia, child."

"Oh, dear," Willow sighed. "I didn't mean to usurp your fun, ma'am. Would you like them back? We were going to ask them questions."

"No, dear, you can handle that. Just beware that those sort have other plans and you're on their list. You coming into the open could be a problem."

Willow grinned. "If I die doing this then that's okay. It's not Sunnydale but it'll be okay. Better me than the twins. They're just guys." She grinned at the new person forming with a hostage. "What are you doing with Dawn?" she demanded.

"I'm removing her," Loki said. "Before it gets worse. They tried to attack her."

Dawn looked at him. "Get off me." He sneered. She zapped him then huffed. "Thankfully I've already hidden the Dawn from this realm. She's still sweet and young." She curtseyed to Gaia. "Lady Gaia."

"Dawn." She patted her on the cheek. "This isn't good for your children. Your husband would be yelling if he knew, and your wife even worse."

She grinned. "Possibly but they're busy with this stuff too." She waved a hand. "But our Phil is going to be here soon to help. I was just evacuating the sweet, innocent, not taught to protect herself Dawn." She stared at Willow. "You made that me more of a target. You and Buffy both. Gee, thanks." She looked at Steve, grinning at him. "Our realm is temporarily hitched to this one for two weeks. Our Stark is with yours. Our Bucky is here though." She waved and he appeared, putting one last gun on. "The kids?"

"Xander," he said, looking at her. "Go watch your own kids."

"I usually do!" She scowled at him. "Don't make me pull a Rosenburg and turn you into a pet. The kids would adore it." She grinned. "Also, want the spouses, Cap?" she asked. "I'm not sure which area they're working in."

Natasha strolled over. "We've fixed our part already. Go be safe, Dawn."

Dawn looked at her. "I could pull out some of Xander's artillery. We did agree I could have the way up high spot."

"Yes, but if they touch those children I will not be amused," Natasha said simply. "Go introduce our daughters to them instead so they want to use them like I do."

"Sure." She took a quick kiss and winked at her husband, letting him have his own kiss. "Be a good boy. I'll be waiting and if I have to come avenge you, I'll destroy *everything*." She disappeared.

Loki stared, then pointed while glaring at Rosenburg. "How did you do that?"

"She's from our realm," Hawkeye said with a smirk. "Not yours. Ours is a backup Avenger and you are quite in awe of her." Their Loki showed up, looking amused. "Dawn take the weapons from the kids?"

"Not quite but the war dogs are most amused with the tots." He looked at himself, flipping him on the head to show him what was going on in their realm. The younger Loki shuddered, shaking his head. "Go guard the one here. She's much too innocent and can't hope to protect herself without striking down a good bit of humanity. Do teach her better or make sure someone can guard her for us. We wouldn't want to see her *have* to protect herself." That Loki fled to do that. The new Loki sighed, shaking his head. "We'll be here if you need us. This...not-a-HYDRA-worshiping group as their figurine is not the same thing is not amusing us. Even Ares is not amused." He disappeared.

Hawkeye smiled. "Yeah, he's stronger in our realm and now married to Ares." He took aim and fired on someone running toward them. "I remember taking out your whole team for turning on SHIELD."

"Thankfully our children will be safe," Natasha said. "It would be bad for our son to get the taste for destroying people."

"Too late," Bucky complained. "He likes to watch others do it too." He shot them a look then at Steve. "There's a way to help your me. The mini Stark worked it out. We can do that later. Those kids are locked in their labs for safety reasons."

"Sure. Thanks. How far ahead are you guys?"

"Our realm's different," Clint said. "But at least eight years." He pointed at their Steve, who was stomping their way. "Stark with the geeks?"

"Yup. The kids are still in lockdown and understand that means they can't order in things this time. The babies are all with Pepper too." He grinned. "The girls are squealing at youtube videos about fashion."

"They are like Dawn," Natasha sighed, shaking her head. "It had to be an infection from those costumes she chose for the halloween party."

"No, then our girls would have come out craving swords," Clint said dryly. "You, Dawn, and Pepper weren't wearing that many clothes, Natasha."

"Point." She smiled. "Sometimes Dawn is the most amusing conundrum in life."

Bucky looked at her. "I didn't know you liked subtle understatements," he said dryly. "Did she infect you with something?"

Natasha smirked. "Not hardly." Some people came running their way. She fired on them. "Hmm." She looked at her gun. "I forgot she loaded the knockout ones for use around the lab compound." She changed her clip. "Let's go end this problem before my children want to become geeks again." She walked off.

Clint looked at the two Steves, nodding. "Yeah, let's. We've had a quiet month."

"Don't jinx us," their Steve complained. They followed Natasha. She caught up with the other two and they formed a plan. They could do that and it'd help a lot.


Stark landed in Eureka and put up his face shield, staring at that Clint. "They merged our realm too since our Gaia's here."

"You follow the greek gods?" Clint asked then ate a bite of his burger.

"Kinda hard not to know about that stuff when our Coulson married the guy that took over for the head of all gods."

Clint dropped his burger. "What?"

"Our Phil Coulson married Xander, who as it turns out ended up the king of *all* pantheons as well as the God Protector of Humanity." He shot him a look. "They're gooingly cute too." He snorted and sat down. "Where's the me from here?"

"In the labs. They're in a geek land that I can't even see the shores of."

Stark grinned. "I know that land. I have dual citizenship and so do most of my kids. I'm about to turn Maeve into a geek too. That way she's not ignored by her older siblings." Someone stomped over. He smirked and waved. "Hi. How're you?"

"You're in the labs," she said bluntly.

"They merged our realms for two weeks because they needed Gaia to be stronger for a few hours." He shrugged. "So I'm here to help. Not like I'd want HYDRA to take over. Thankfully our realm's was sidetracked."

Xander appeared, nodding. "Dawn found one and took him out then went behind everyone's back to disable it in finest administrative assistant fashion. Told Hill but she was confused until she saw all the names she found." He grinned at the lady. "Deputy Lupo."

"Who're you?" she demanded.

"Xander Harris, God Protectorate of Humanity." She gaped. He grinned. "We're only here for a few weeks. Most of the rest of our heroes are going to help the group in DC."

"How many of me are there?" Clint asked.

"Two others, there's only the three of you. Well, and the mini you. But Kate's doing okay. She's working with one of the Natashas." He grinned. "Relax, guard Eureka. HYDRA would want it and there's a strike team about two hours out trying to figure out how to infiltrate and take over. Also...." He looked. "Clay, call your people. There's two other versions of you in Central America."

"Can we have 'em?" Pooch asked dryly.

"Yeah, I think you can. You'd just freak yourselves out," he offered. He grinned at Clay, who looked smugly amused. He summoned both teams and their things. He pointed. "Help yourselves from my realm. This town may not fall," he said, staring at Clay. "Also, my Clay has things that will warp you worse than Jensen." He disappeared.

Roque snorted. "I hate him in asshole mode." He looked at his mate. His Clay shrugged. "Okay, let's see where we're needed. Jensen, you three geeks find that strike team. Pooch, find us a spot to squat. Clays, just deal with shit."

Clint waved a hand with a smirk. "I've been handling some of it. I've tied up three of them in a treehouse with a self destruct device if they try to escape." He ate another bite of his burger.

Jo Lupo stared at him. "I found that note. Next time, use the jail cell."

"Not enough room," Clint said. "And I can't use the self destruct bomb I found in the rooming house there." He finished his burger.

"Where did you find a bomb there?" Jo demanded, hands going to her hips.

"Back room in the basement. I disarmed the other two."

"Thanks. I'll gather them in a few." She looked at the three commando teams. "I'm the Deputy Sheriff and I'm Special Forces myself," she noted dryly. "We have a Sheriff who is a former Marshal."

Clay nodded. "Great. We can work with that. Roque, find us a map."

Jensen handed one over. "Three entrances that're easy. Two mostly hidden. One that may be mystically hidden if they want to trek through the forest." He went back to it. "Roque, can you set out feelers?"

"Yeah, kid. Already did," he noted. He looked at the map.

Clint looked. "That one's got some sort of shield." He pointed.

"Even better," the Godly Roque said. "I can add to that. Jensen, take a fly and give me intel." He nodded, jogging off and then flying off once he had changed out of sight. The other two Jensens made squeaky noises, pointing at the dragon figure flying off. Roque smirked at them. "Yeah, he's like that." He looked at himself and shrugged at their unamused look. "My team's not normal, boys. That's why my mother's a fertility goddess." He strolled off. "How like our Hawkeye are you, Barton?"

"We're the same guy," he said. "Only I know he's got kids."

"Yes and they're little heathens," Pooch said. "Smart but little heathens. The you in our realm was so proud when your daughters accidentally shot Natasha in the ankle with your bow."

Clint grinned. "I'd be impressed too."

Jo Lupo was shaking her head while staring at Jensen's retreating form. That was too weird even for Eureka.


"Stark!" a female voice yelled across the park.

"What?" three similar voices yelled back in unison and one other male voice joined in a second later.

She looked around. "What the hell!" she complained. "We are *not* cloning Nathan Stark! The universe won't survive that!"

The sheriff strolled over. "First, why are you screaming?" She glared at him. "Second, with two other realms merged with ours right now, the three other Starks are here getting help over a problem one of them created by accident." He stared her down. "Nathan and all three Tony Starks are in the picnic pavilion watching the news out of DC a minute ago. Now, why are you disturbing the peace?" he demanded.

"We have unnoted projects flying around and unknown, not GD employees hanging around!" she said with a foot stomp.

"If you're talking about the blond guy with the bow and the flying nymph that's helping him? He's an Avenger, he came with the first Tony Stark to help protect him and the nymph is a friend of his' design for help during battles." She glared. "I can arrest you." He smiled. "You are disturbing many people's night off." She huffed off. A minute later she screamed and fainted.

Clint looked down at her. "Sorry but Nifa is more than able to protect herself from huffy women like you. Her maker doesn't like women like you anyway." He walked over her, petting Nifa. "That was very economical, Nifa. Nice power usage." She grinned and kissed his cheek.

Nathan Stark stomped over. "What happened?"

"She tried to grab Nifa to rip her apart because she said she's not GD property," Clint said dryly. "Nifa protected herself beautifully. It was just a shock." He shrugged. "She shouldn't have tried to snatch her. I'd hate to let Xander have her for daring to touch Nifa."

Nathan looked at him. "What exactly can your Xander do that ours can't?"

"A lot," he said smugly. He walked off. "C'mon, we've got to remind Stark to eat dinner. Pepper's already nagging." Nifa laughed, nodding. She flew ahead to land on Stark's head, leaning over to stare down at him until he reached up to pat her. She flew off, coming back with an apple from a nearby tree. She landed on his head again, holding the apple down until he glared up at her. "Pepper called to remind me to nag you about eating," Clint said. "Is that edible, Nifa? I have no idea about apples."

She nibbled and nodded, handing it back to Stark, who sighed but ate it. She got apples for the other two Starks. They patted her and ate, getting back to the coding problem.

Nathan came back over scowling. "No more knocking them out. Make her sorry but not unconscious," he said, staring at the robotic nymph. She smiled and flew over to pat him then back to Clint's shoulder. She flew back to the first Stark, looking and pointing at something then her hand uploaded some code. "Did your program steal some of hers?"

Stark stared at it. "That's the coding from the original twins who made the Pippen tank," he said. "Not the twins we joined with, but their other set." He looked up. "They're CSI as well as weapons designers." He got back into it. "Ultron did steal it from when we were remaking the Pippen tanks for the battle in Manhattan." He sent a message to their Xander. Who sent a message to Coulson to get the original CD's for the tanks from his vault. Coulson sent it to Stark a few minutes later and they found where it was and how to fix it.

Clint patted the table. "It won't hurt Frodo or anything else he's fixed from their plans, right?" he asked quietly, staring at Stark.

"No. I can find a way around that or add to their code to repel that virus. In a way that's not connected so Ultron's programming can't find it."

"Can he take over your suits?" Nathan asked.

"Mine's got a power restrictor," the local Stark said, looking at his selves.

The one that came from GHS Xander's world nodded. "Mine too. It can only be activated by my DNA or Pepper's. Getting around that would require taking out all the programming for the suit and it won't activate without the chip," he said, holding it up from his necklace.

"I need that for mine," the new Stark said, calling his suit diagrams up. He figured out how to do that and started it in all his suits and especially his present one. "I can't see Calia having to deal with it. She'd be really upset."

"Your kids are safe in case they take over the Malibu facility?" Clint prompted.

That Stark considered it then called. "Calia, me. Why is your cat throwing up? Oh, hairballs. Okay, used to those. The reason for the realm merge is because another of me was creating a sentinel program that would've handled lesser battles for us. And now it's become Hal. Yup, that stuff. Please do, dear. Love you and make sure your siblings are sane by the time we get home. Don't you dare give Maeve Red Bull either. She's not like Chris, it'll hurt her instead of turn on her Stark brain." He hung up. "She'll guard that facility with Andrew and Jonathan plus all the Roombas."

Nathan looked so confused. That Stark almost felt sorry for him. "Like the robotic vacuums?"

That Tony Stark grinned and nodded. "We found a fanfiction story that had me owning an army of sentient roombas and I thought it was cute. Andrew and Jonathan created them in reality and they're an army. They've shown up to help in battles." He showed up footage of them showing up to help with Deadpool.

"I know of that guy," Clint said. "He's a bit weird but handy in a battle."

"He thinks my Dawn is a mean, dark angel," Stark said with a grin. "Flirts with her all the time and offered to bring her back to his home realm to help him kill people while traveling. He dotes on the kids too."

Clint nodded. "From what I've heard about Lexi and Mira, it may be a good idea to have someone creative who can think around their plots. Before they and Maeve try to take over the world."

"Maeve's father would have *kittens*," Tony said smugly with a smirk. "Besides, they'll have to start with the fashion industry first. I'm almost worried about them becoming celebutants. Thankfully not ones like that assassin bimbo we had that was one." Clint scowled. "Like a Hilton sister only less brainy. Her prep school taught her how to be an assassin but she's absolutely an embarrassment." He pulled up files on her to show them.

"Oh my god, it's killing my brain," the original Tony Stark said. "Damn! I know the her here. I think she's even more stupid than that one is but I can't see her shooting people."

"Look at her prep school. Natasha said that the trainer there for self defense was a minor one."

Clint looked up that name through their system, nodding when he found the school's site through that profile. "He is. A very bad shot but he is one. Huh." He sent a message to Coulson to look into it. At least it'd be something fun for him to do while he healed.

The other two Tony Starks looked at her files so they could find the one in their world and stop her. Nathan Stark looked too, just in case she was related to someone smarter in Eureka. The world did not need celebutant assassins.


In DC, a HYDRA agent looked over. "Soldier!" he yelled. "Where have you been?"

Bucky sneered at him. "I'm not your soldier," he said quietly then shot him. "I'll be fixing the me here so he's not yours either."

Dawn clapped. "You go, Bucky! I'm sure you're going to be as protective of your other self as Steve is of you." She shot someone sneaking up behind Bucky. "He's not yours to grope, people. He's not into you. He's going to see if there's a mythical third one too so he can save him too." She shot a few more. Bucky laughed but got them and then glared at her. She grinned. "I'm bored."

"Bullshit," he said. "You have kids."

"I have artillery and the kids are in hiding. They think the program that got that other realm merged will try for them. Which, of course, would make my niece prove she's a Summers and a Stark." She fired off something at the ship coming toward them. "No, not needing your input today. Thanks." She smiled and waved.

Bucky looked at the closer Natasha, who shook her head. "Every woman should be allowed to protect herself and any children she's borne," she said in Russian.

"Never mind, I thought you were her wife not this you." He looked at the other one.

"She is allowed to protect us and herself but I'll be damned if our future children are harmed or taken by HYDRA, Dawn," she finished more loudly.

"Worry more about that program taking over Calia's lab," she called back. "She might have to put something Chris made onto the cats so they become her army."

That Natasha shook her head quickly. "He put animal control units out?"

"Yup. Philip called it mean but wanted one made for Loki and Tzarina in case he and his sibs are attacked. He thinks Tzarina will protect him."

"Our son is weird," Clint called over the comms. "At least he's not in a kilt today."

"No, he realizes that jeans are more practical today," Dawn quipped. "Though he has wanted his uncle's suit."

"No," Natasha said. "Chris can have it if he wants but not our son."

Bucky stared at her. "He might do good."

"No!" she said more firmly, glaring at him. She shot someone rushing toward them. "I do not want my son to be the future Iron Man."

"Since he's got some magic, he can take Wiccan's place," Kate called from her spot, shooting at a car coming their way. "He's been to Asgard."

"I think that'll be Thor's son with Artemis," Clint called back, grinning at her. "But maybe."

"My son will not go to SHIELD," Natasha said. "Even if he wants to."

"Yes, dear. He'll go to college," Dawn said with a smile for her. "We'll be encouraging him and the girls all into colleges. Or maybe fashion school for the twins."

Clint nodded. "Maybe they'll make our future uniforms so the ones that want us to dress like anime characters shut up. I'd hate to see you two in anime armor again."

Dawn burst out laughing. "No, my uniform's not like that." She snapped and was changed into it, chainmail and all. "I am not an anime girl, dear." She pulled up magic and blasted the HYDRA agents trying to surround them. "Nope, don't think so," she chirped, smiling and waving at one. "I helped you be taken as a demonic slave. I should do that again."

"No summoning demons while pregnant," Phil Coulson reminded her as he appeared. "Instead, I'll ask Ares if he has a use for him." He looked at her. "Isn't the chainmail tight, Dawn?"

"Yeah but I'm pregnant so I excuse that in my special chainmail." She grinned, wiggling her fingers. "The protections around Chris just went off." She barely beat Phil and Xander back to the kids, blasting the people who were trying to get in to get the kids. "No, I don't think you're suitable babysitters, people. I might have to get ...mad." A few backed off.

"Dawn, please no pregnancy mood swings," Xander said.

"Pity," she said, pulling up weapons she had in magical storage. The smart ones fled. The rest got blown up.

"Way to go, Auntie Dawn!" Chris chirped. He pounced her to cuddle, getting a hug back while Xander used the rest of the weapons.

Phil looked at a nearby computer. "That's that program, guys."

"Fuck it," Chris said, hopping down to go fix that problem. Calia rolled in and helped with that. They broke the whole computer system in the compound. "Okay, we need Dad's help to finish it off," he said.

Liz ran in with a gun. "Bad people go away!" she shouted, shooting at them.

Xander took the gun from her, glaring at her little self. "You are not a heroine in spandex yet, niece."


"Yeah, big oops. Go help your siblings or watch the babies." She nodded, sighing as she went to help the babies. She knew she was a Pepper, not a Stark, and she didn't do science stuff very well. Xander looked at Dawn.

"Well, she is like a mini me," she said dryly with a smirk.

"Yes, she is," Phil agreed. "Thankfully we broke you of that bad habit."

Calia looked back at him. "Don't make me help, Uncle Phil."

"No, we're getting all of you to a safer location," Xander said. "Let me check on your dad's location." He disappeared and came back with that Tony Stark. Who helped get the kids gathered with Pepper to go to Eureka with him.

Dawn grinned at the new surge of bad guys. "Hi, how're you today? Isn't it a pretty day to rain destruction down on your heads?" She blasted them all into motes of energy. "Oooh, headache," she said, holding her head.

"Dawn, go with the kids," Stark ordered. "I need you to protect them and keep them from helping."

She nodded, gathering things like their go bags and hers. She and Phil got them and Stark back up there.

Calia looked around. "Huh." She rolled off, going to stare at her other fathers. "Hola, my almost paternal units. We're avoiding both Ultron and HYDRA who thought we'd be happy to help them."

"What happened to you?" Nathan asked quietly.

She smiled. "One of Daddy's former competitors got jealous at my patents and skills so he tried to take me out. He had a bad guy shoot me in the back. Pity he died horribly for it. It's one of those things we fantastic women have to deal with when it pops up." She looked at her aunt. "My pets?"

"At the temple with the war dogs," Dawn said, snapping her original outfit back onto her body instead of her bodysuit and armor.

"How...." Nathan started.

She grinned. "I'm strong in the Force." The kids all laughed. "I'm Dawn Summers-Romanoff-Barton, assistant to my Pepper and Tony, and aunt to all the kids."

"Wow," the original Tony said, staring at the kids. "Are they all mine?"

Dawn pointed. "Mine. Yours with Pepper and Steve." Tony blinked at her. She grinned. "He makes you messy. She still makes you drool and puts up with you."

He grinned. "Yeah, she does." He looked. "I'll try to be an okay uncle while we're merged but I don't have kids."

The one from GHS Xander's realm nodded. "Neither do I." He made room. "Which one of you guys is following in our esteemed footsteps?"

"I'm working on my own ideas and Chris really likes all your fast and robotic things," Calia quipped, moving closer to the table. She smiled at Nathan. "Don't worry. We're not troublesome. The little ones are all fashionable."

"Does this mean I can have my kilt back?" Philip asked.

"Not right now, son," Dawn said. "Still an emergency."

"Oh, okay." He shrugged and pulled the girls over. "We'll clean weapons for the parents." They squealed and he took his mother's weapons to clean. "Mommy, really dirty."

"Sorry, son, had to use them to save your other mother."

"That's good then. Mommy should not be hurt or else I'll go bitch at people like you do and make them sorrier than you could." He grinned sweetly at the girls. "Sometimes boys can be more mean than girls. It's because we have a penis."

Dawn patted him on the head. "They don't need to know about dicks yet, son."


"Thank you. And don't show them one either."

"Yes, Mommy. Our kitties?"

"At the temple," she said patiently.

"Oh, good. Daddy's guitar?"

"At home but it's safe."

"Cool." He grinned at the helpful girls, settling in to help them shine the guns and knives. Dawn took her guns to clean properly then let him shine them. "Daddy's bows?"

"He's got most of them."

"What about ours in the necklaces?" he asked, hopping up to come look at her throat. "We not have?"

"Mommy Natasha has all but the one Calia has, Philip. She might need it more."

He went over to look at her neck, taking the necklace off to open the storage area so he could check things. "Need more bullets, Mommy. Only have six boxes for each."

"I can get more," she said, smiling at her Tony, who was shaking his head.

Philip dragged out two things, one a sword. "Here, Mommy. You might need it."

She kissed him on the head. "Yes I might." He grinned, handing over the other weapon then closing up the storage area. Calia put it back on while working on a plan.

The three Tonys looked at each other. "You have great kids," one said to the daddy one.

Calia smirked. "It was a lot of Mommy Pepper's and Auntie Dawn's influence too, guys. Otherwise I wouldn't have found the virus you need." She handed those notes over to Chris, who frowned but worked at it. "It's a math problem, Chris." He nodded, making notes on how to do that. He liked programming more than she did.

"Seventeen patents by the time she was twelve," Tony said proudly. "Ten of them on her own. Her first fully on her own thing was a rocket powered cradle." The others smiled.

Nathan looked at her. "Are you going to follow your dad and run his company?"

"We might let Liz do the business stuff if she wants. It'd take me out of the lab and Chris hates paperwork." She shrugged but grinned. "I don't have Mommy Pepper's patience levels. Then again, my mom was Auntie Dawn's sister so that explains a lot."

"At least you're not an airhead," Dawn quipped.

"True, I'm not an airhead like my mom could be," she agreed. "Thankfully I've got Daddy's brains." Someone shouted something rude as they ran toward them. She turned her chair and fired off her laser, knocking them out and down. "Hmm. Idiots in science aren't just named Hammer. Pity." She turned back around to get back to the plans.

Dawn looked then at her. "Is it miscalibrated?"

"I had it on low."

Chris shook his head. "Not very accurate. I'll tune it later, Sissy."

"Thank you, Chris."

"Welcome. Can you look at my cat army thingy?"

"I can and have been. It'd work better on dogs than cats. Cats are a bit more stubborn."


"But maybe we can put it on some guards so they have to guard us instead of staring at us like we're odd."

"That'd be nice," Liz agreed. "I get all sorts of funny looks when I help Mommy Pepper in the office instead of being in the labs."

"You should've seen it when Chris used to run around naked," Calia said, grinning at her sister. "Talk about weird looks." Chris snorted but was smiling. "You used a bush one time because you wanted to be a dog."

"Then he ran all over that gravel parking lot to avoid being captured," Dawn said. "He nicely kicked his dad in the balls for it too." She looked at her son. "And he never meowed like you did for months on end, or used a litter box."

"They're kitty toilets and I'm like a kitty," he said with a smirk. "Can I have the pretty clothes, Mommy? Please?"

"When it's safer," she said patiently. "Though I don't think you packed your sports kilt or the velvet stuff." He huffed but nodded. She grinned at the staring Starks. "We showed him the Three Musketeers. He went off on 'ponies, and swords, and ruffles' for hours."

"Daddy did not understand why ruffles were cute while riding ponies," Philip said with a shrug. "He figured it out later though. He's very nice."

"He tolerates it," she mouthed, making Clint duck his head but smile at that.

"Can we go to Asgard so we can wear velvet and leather?" Chris asked, looking at his father. Who shrugged. "Please, Daddy?"

"We'll see."

"Thank you." He hugged him then got back to the plotting he and his sister were doing. Ultron may know about their dad but he had no idea what a real Stark could do when they worked together.

"Hey, girls?" Clint asked, getting attention of the younger three. "This is Nifa. She's a battle nymph and her daddy didn't make her any other clothes. Can you guys figure out something for her to wear?" They took Nifa to look at and pet. They knew all about clothes so they could help the poor, deprived robot girl be fashionable and smart, just like they were.

"Thank you," Chris said. "All the girls but Calia really like clothes, even though they won't help us dress up when we need to go do Stark things." He rolled his eyes.

"I like clothes just fine; I'm hating my body in them," Calia complained. "Some day you too will hit puberty and it'll suck while you feel like you're out of balance."

He looked at her. "Not like you're going to tip over." He stared at her chest then shrugged. "They're not all that interesting either. Auntie Dawn's are bigger and Mommy Pepper's are more perky than yours because you hide them. Maybe you should wear a penis to get boys?" She swatted him. "Ow! Mean!"

"Yup, every damn day," Calia assured him dryly. "I don't need a penis to prove my worth, unlike you, who get special benefits because of yours. But don't worry, some day some wallet hunting bimbo will like you enough to push out two trophy kids then divorce you."

"Not likely," Dawn said dryly. "I'd hate to have to kill the money hungry bimbos either of you pick up, niece. Though I will, I'd hate to do it. Bucky and I might even set up a people hunting operation to get them all."

Calia hugged her. "Thanks, Auntie Dawn."

"You're welcome, dear. Want a snack?"

"No, I'm okay. I actually ate lunch." She looked at the four young girls. Who all grinned at her. "Hungry, ladies?"

"Pwease!" three of them yelled with grins.

"I could eat, please," Liz agreed, smiling at her.

"Café, that way, three blocks," Nathan Stark said.

"I'll bring 'em," Clint said. "That way no one harms the cute ones for being cute and the others for the brains they're trying to hide." The girls all giggled, giving him hugs. But they kept Nifa to pat and play with. Dawn pulled out a miniaturized stroller and let it grow, getting the younger three into it.

"I remember that one," Philip chirped with a grin. "We bought it for the babies while Mommy was dizzy."

"You sure did have Daddy help you do that," Dawn promised. "Hungry, Philip?"

"Go with Chris!"

"Chris?" Dawn asked.

"Bring me back something?" Stark asked, flapping a hand.

"We can move this to the café," Dawn said. "Unless it's a no work zone like our caf is?"

"No, it's not," Nathan agreed. "We can easily move that way." Calia nodded, packing up her stuff into her backpack. Chris put his into his messenger bag, but pulled out a phone to play games on instead. His father snatched it to put into his pocket and pointed at Philip.

"Sure, I can play with Philip. C'mon, Philip, we'll race!" He took off after dropping his bag on his sister's lap.

"No fair! You're taller!" he complained but ran after him. "I'll still beat you some day!"

"Wait on us before you cross a single street!" Dawn yelled after them. "I'm not reviving your tiny asses or calling you back from the dead!"

"Yes, Auntie Dawn!"

"Yes, Mommy. Philip won't be hit by a car!"

"Thank you!" she pushed the stroller off, letting Liz help her. "Boys," she sighed, looking at her mini me.

Liz looked up and nodded. "That penis thing really does ruin them. I have no idea why girls like them at all."

"Some day, that urge will hit," Calia quipped. "I still don't know why they're worth wanting but damn do my hormones think the bigger versions are cute." She shook her head with a sigh. "Auntie Dawn, is the magic here thinner?"

"Yup. Go back to shielding only, kiddo."

"I'll drop my illusion if you do," she quipped back with an evil smirk.

"I'm as big as a trailer, Calia. If I drop that I'll never be able to walk."

"Yay," Stark said from behind her. "Don't think I won't tell the highly overprotective spouses you have, Dawn."

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Then you'll be asked if they're yours again."

"Point but still. Don't wear yourself out. You might have to handle an emergency with the kids."

"Fine." She removed most of her illusions. Calia removed hers, sighing in disgust as she adjusted her shirt again. Dawn helped by hiding one of her bra straps for her. "Better?"

Nathan was staring at her stomach. "Are you due soon?"

"Two months," she said dryly. "Triplets and we think they might all be girls."

Clint looked at her. "Do I want to call that other me the man?"

"You might want to call some Asgardian goddesses who wanted me to have one before I ended up with ovarian cancer the man," said shot back with a grin. "They decided us having the three kids wasn't enough for *real* warriors like you and Natasha. Thankfully, Natasha isn't pregnant this time as well. It caused a few problems when we were pregnant at the same time."

Clint shook his head then shuddered. "Yeah, my Natasha would be horrified." Dawn pointed at one of the girls, smirking at him. "Really?"

"Halloween. Costumes," that Stark said dryly. "Them and Pepper. They went as fantasy women. Pepper went as Aphrodite from that Hercules show. Dawn went in anime armor and leant Natasha some." He pulled up a picture on his phone to show him. "According to Pepper it doomed them all."

"It was fun," Dawn quipped with a grin.

Clint stared at it then at Dawn. "Damn."

She grinned. "Thank you."

Calia looked over at her. "Some day I want to bum that armor for a Halloween but not until I'm at least sixteen."

"Thirty," her father ordered. "Or later."

"Dad!" she complained. "How else am I supposed to prove I'm open for money-grubbing mimbos?" She grinned at him. "Not like you didn't show up as the male Lady Godiva when you were sixteen."

"You're going to learn from my mistakes, Daughter. You really will."

Dawn grinned at her. "I had ones that weren't as naughty. You can have the leather pants outfit if you want."

"I might do that."

"Thirty-five for leather pants," her father said more firmly.

"Take that up with Mommy Pepper since she got me a pair last year for that Ren-Faire thing," Calia quipped, smirking back at him. "Stepmommy Steve was not amused but I looked fantastic in the Ren-Faire warrior woman outfit."

Tony looked at Dawn. "Not my doing. Pepper wanted to go see an old college friend there. But she did look nice."

"Uh-huh," Tony said. "No more, daughter."

"If you're sure, Daddy. Talk to Mommy Pepper. I have to take her or Auntie Dawn shopping most of the time. Unless I talk Auntie Natasha into going with me but she only gets me workout clothes and shoes."

"Yeah," Tony said dryly, scowling at Dawn, who grinned back. "No trashy shit."

"She's got lingerie, Boss. That's not my doing. That was Pepper. I got her the polka dotted dress."

"She looked pretty in it," he admitted, blinking hard. "Damn it, I hate you growing up. I really need to make a deaging thing."

Calia paused her rolling to stare at him. "You try that shit, and you're going in it, Dad. I'll *so* send you back to the baby years so we have to diaper you and let the triplets of fashion terror watch your tiny ass." She stared at him. "And I'll find a way to make it last for *years* on top of your invention."

Stark hugged her. "I'm glad you're my clone but I still hate you growing up."

"That's because it makes us both feel old," she said dryly, rolling off again. "You know, I could talk JARVIS into finding a Fountain of Youth nano formula for you."

"Like hell."

"Fine. Spoil Mommy Pepper's ideas about being twenty-something again." She looked at her father. "She was sobbing over wrinkles the other day."

"Yeah, that's hormones," Dawn said. "Some day you too will have the Change, niece."

"I'll have mine ripped out first and go on the hormones to make sure it's not so bad. Thanks."

"That's fine, dear. I don't need grandkids," Tony said quickly.

"Fat chance," Chris said with a grin for him. "I'm going to give you so many grandkids you'll get them mixed up, Dad."

"He's a Stark, he'll have a harem like you did when you were our age," Philip agreed. Dawn was trying not to laugh but oh well.

"I waited until I was older to have a harem, son, and you'll get a *long* talk about women soon."

"Dad, did you forget you told me and Philip what a penis was for the other day?" he asked, staring at him.

"It's for oppressing women," Calia quipped. "It has no tactical use except to make you guys hurt a whole lot when we women ruin them on you." She smirked at her brother. "Especially the next time you wander into my room wearing panties and nothing else."

"I wear boy underwear! Not panties!" he complained, scowling at her.

"They had flowers, they're panties," she shot back. "And the next time I see the panties I'm *so* going to have to deal with your junk so you never flash it again." She stared at him. "Remember, Auntie Natasha taught me to throw knives."

Chris covered himself with his hands, nodding. "I'll remember pants or a kilt, Sissy."

"Thank you." She patted him on the head as she rolled past him. "Bit of traffic." She looked both ways, moving her wheelchair into the edge of the street. She looked again. "Run ahead, guys, and wait on us." The boys ran. She followed. Dawn checked before rolling the girls across the street with Liz.

Tony looked at his other selves and Nathan Stark, plus Clint, who was trying not to laugh. "Help? Please? I'm so screwed with those two sometimes," he said quietly.

Clint patted him on the back. "Did the me there help?"

"He laughed. A lot. Though we are working together on the whole kilt and ruffles issue." He shot him a look. "Your son taught mine how to crossdress."

"Liz started that," Dawn called back. "By donating her old dresses to Chris." Liz giggled.

"I still say I looked better in that plum cocktail dress," Philip quipped.

Chris nodded. "It did go well with your hair, better than it did on Liz."

Liz shrugged. "Mommy Pepper bought me another one if you two want to bum it."

"No!" Tony said firmly. "No giving the boys your cast-off dresses. Thank you." He walked over to talk to the boys again. Clint came over to help give important guy lessons.

"OOOOOH! Unclie Jensen!" Liz squealed, running over to hug him. "Change so I can have petting time?"

Jensen looked at her. "I'm not your Jensen, sweetheart. He's near the café."

"Okay! That's cool. Can you change?"

"No, sorry," he said with a grin and a head shake.

"Pity. You'd make a good pet." She skipped off, finding her Uncle Clay, he was wearing hickeys from Uncle Roque so she knew he was her version. She stopped in front of him, grinning up at him. "Can we girls bum Uncle Jensen for petting time?" She knew she had to ask Clay or Roque for any other members of the team if they were busy doing commando things.

"He's eating lunch and he's got patrol tonight. We need him back by six, Liz. He'll need some rest."

"The girls need something to do beyond help dress Nifa the nymph robot." She skipped off, squealing and pouncing Uncle Cougar, who patted her but put her down until she pouted and climbed back up. "You need petted and cuddled. That way you recharge the hat's special powers to draw good girls instead of skanky wallet hunters like Chris will have a harem of." She grinned at him then at the laughing uncle next to them. "Can we girls have petting time? It'll give the tiny ones something to do beyond help Nifa find clothes."

"Sure, I guess." He sipped his coffee. "That's not our Cougar, dear."

"So? His hat still needs recharged. The power of cuteness will recharge it enough until we can find a succuba to steal it for an hour so it smells like nasty adult stuff smells." She grinned at Cougar. "Ladies, Unclie Jensen said we can have petting time!" All three babies squealed and climbed out of the stroller to come hug him. He put them into his lap to cuddle while he finished his lunch. It helped. Liz smiled at the nice guy staring at them. "Yes, I'm a beautiful Stark, but if you stare we worry that you're a bad guy of some sort. Then Calia will have to panic and build more lasers for her chair."

"I'd never be a bad guy. I run the café. What's your name? I'm Vincent."

"Liz." She grinned. "That's my daddy back there talking to my douchebag brother about boy stuff." Jensen swatted her. "Sorry, shouldn't say that about my brother," she sighed.

"No, you shouldn't," Dawn ordered, staring at her. "Do you really want to sit and face a tree for an hour this afternoon?"

"No, Auntie Dawn."

"Thank you. Be on better behavior, ladies. We're guests."

"Mine!" Mira said loudly, hugging Jensen's arm with a grin.

"Sometimes I am yours," Jensen agreed, grinning at her. "Want lunch, ladies?" They cooed at him. "Dawn, how solid are they eating?"

"They're girls, Jensen. Is there something like a fruit salad without kiwi? Mira and Lexi won't eat them but Maeve will. She can't have strawberries though. She's allergic like her mom."

"I can easily do that. Water in a sealed cup with a straw?" the cook said with a grin.

"Please. They're usually much better behaved," she said, staring at Liz.

"Can I have pancakes?"

"Hell no," Dawn quipped with a grin for her. "I'm not giving you sugar unless I'm unleashing you on bad guys, niece."

"Shoot. Can I have hammy and grilled cheese?"

"I can make a wonderful grilled cheese and ham sandwich," the cook said with a grin for her.

"Please? With milk?"

"No mayo, please," Dawn said dryly. "Just no condiments unless it's italian dressing? She got it from Bucky."

"I can easily do that. It's not all that hard. For you?"

"I'll take Liz's. The two guys out there will want either a salad or a burger and fries. Philip?" she called. He looked over. "Burger or salad?"

"Salad with hammy and eggs please." He poked Chris. "Salad or burger? Mommy wants to know."

"I want hammy salad too please," Chris called. "With Ranch?"

"Yes please, Mommy," Philip said, dancing around. "And soda?"

"Diet," she sighed. She looked at him. "Stark, all of them, will probably want something pastry like later but for now, it'll probably be sandwiches when they quit nagging the boys about boy things."

"They were being butts," Liz said. Dawn stared at her. She huffed. "They were!"

"You, sitting in a corner by staring at a tree for acting out like a heathen you find in the mall," Dawn countered. Calia giggled but nodded. "Niece?"

"No clue yet but can I have a glass of milk while I figure that out?"

"Sure," he agreed, going to get drinks and started on the simple food.

Clay walked in, theirs since he had the hickies. "Jensen, watch the tots this afternoon. We're going to gather the idiots that're going to try to take down the town. They're vulnerable targets who can only cause mental anguish, not pain and suffering."

"Yup, I can do that. They wanted petting time." He looked at his team leader.

"You can have this Unclie Cougar," Liz said with a grin, getting off him. "I can recharge his hat's special powers later with my cuteness."

"I'm sure you can, princess." Clay nodded and Cougar all but fled to go help the teams. "You guys behave this afternoon and stay where your aunt and Jensen say. Got it?" She nodded with a grin. "Thank you." He left, going to take the teams out to hunt. He looked at Cougar. "She was recharging your hat?"

"She said cuteness would let it draw more girls," he complained, cracking the others up. The one native to Liz's realm nodded he'd had her do that to him a few times too.

Dawn looked at Liz. "Potty, wash your hands," she said quietly. The older girls headed for that while she got the girls set up in high chairs so they'd eat and not escape. Mira pouted at her. "Your mommy's in DC fighting bad guys. You can call her tonight, Mira. It's time for lunch." She pouted at her. "You like lunch and it's fruit." She perked up at that, letting Dawn wipe her hands and mouth off with a baby wipe. The other two got the same help then Dawn sat down with a sigh.

Jensen patted her on the wrist. "I'll make sure you're okay too, Dawn. That way you don't have to rip anyone apart and then cry on them."

"Thanks, Jake. It's very helpful." Calia came back first, still adjusting her shirt. Dawn reached over to help with the back, getting a weak grin. "We'll just have to invent something to help you adjust your back straps for a bit."

"Maybe. At least I'm not a quadriplegic or one of those poor locked in cases." Dawn nodded. "My mind would go nuts without things to build." She smiled at the nice cooking guy when he put down drinks for them. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. What do you want for lunch?"


"Did you eat breakfast?" Dawn asked patiently.

"Um, no, or dinner but I ate lunch yesterday I guess," she muttered. "I was working on a new thingy with Dad's old armor. Um, can I have something huge?"

"Sure. We can do almost anything. I'm out of kangaroo meat." He smiled.

"Ooooh." The boys and the three Starks came in with Nathan outside talking to someone on his phone while Clint was giggling. "What do I want to eat?"

Philip stared at her. "Steak." He grinned at her. "You never eat meat and you need meat to heal booboos, Calia. You can't get stronger and get out of that chair if you're not eating meat."

"Yeah, that's a good idea, but you can also do a steak sandwich or a meatball sub," Dawn said.

"That's too messy to eat in a restaurant, Auntie Dawn. Um...steak sandwich is pretty good if you could. And veggies?"

He nodded, smiling at her. He saw many geniuses like her around town. "Fries or other veggies?"

"They're having fruit salad," Dawn offered with a wave at the kids.

"Can I have some of that too? And fries?" she asked with a grin.

"I can easily do that. Are you allergic to strawberries too?"

"No, only Mommy Pepper and Liz are. My mom wasn't allergic to anything but bad clothes." He laughed as he walked off.

Tony sat down beside her. "That's a good point. She was allergic to bad fashion." He hugged her. "You're great."

"You're so sucking up and no you can't have my music player, Dad."

"I have my own."

"Uh-huh." The girls' fruit salads were brought, and hers, plus the two salads for the boys.

"Thank you," Philip chirped. "You do that very well." He dug in, munching happily.

"Thanks, Vincent," Tony said.

"Mouth closed please," Dawn said quietly. "Take smaller bites. It's not going to run away and even if we're attacked you can both finish." They ate more mannerly. "Thank you."

Stark grinned. "Did you order for me too?"

"Just a note that you'd want pastries later, boss. No idea what you're craving today."

Stark looked at the sandwiches coming out. "I want what my clone is having, no mayo."

"Mine has mayo?" Calia asked. "I can scrape it off since I forgot to not ask for it."

"No, I didn't think you guys would want it. Most kids won't eat mayo," he said. "Mr. Stark, just the one sandwich?"

"Please. Fries too please." The others nodded and they settled in to eat and work. Nathan came in, getting handed a full plate as he walked past the counter. Vincent knew what he wanted to eat already. Nathan was predictable that way. When Chris started to wiggle, Dawn tapped the table and pointed. He and Philip ran back to the bathroom together. "Wash your hands?" Tony prompted when they came back. They ran back to do that and came back to finish eating. "Thanks, guys."

"Welcome, Uncle Tony. Can we go see the ninjas that just walked past when we're done?"

Dawn looked back then at him. "Nope."


"If they're good ninjas I'll let them introduce themselves," Tony said, looking at Dawn then at her stomach. She snorted, staring at him. Outside, someone yelped then fell to an arrow in the stomach. "Never mind, Uncle Clint found the ninjas." Clint strolled in a few minutes later, patting Nifa on the head then Liz since she pouted at him. "Ninjas?"

"Wannabes," he said dryly. "Not any good at it either. One tried to flip *towards* the arrow." He pulled a chair over. "Jensen, staying?"

"The kids wanted some petting time. This way we can help you and Dawn guard the kids."

"That's cool. I'm sure they love you." Jensen grinned and nodded. Vincent came out to get his order then went back to the kitchen, bringing out sandwiches for the Starks and Clint's simpler pizza. "Thanks, Vincent."

"Welcome, Clint." He grinned at Jensen. "Are you okay?"

"I'm actually really good. Thank you, Vincent."

"You're welcome. Mr. Stark?" They all grinned at him while chewing. "Let me know if you need anything else." He patted the babies on the head. "Eat the fruit, girls. You need fruit to grow up big, strong, and able to beat off boys." He went back to checking the others in the café then back to the kitchen.

"Someday I'll have to teach them that," Dawn quipped. She winced, standing up. "Excuse me for a moment. They're tapdancing again." She went to pee, wash her hands, and calm the kids down for a few minutes. Then she came back to finish her lunch.

"Did you wash your hands?" Philip asked her.

"I sure did because it's nasty if you don't," she said, tweaking his ear. "Big people usually do."

Clint nodded. "Otherwise it's gross."

"Ooooh. I have to make sure Daddy does. Mommy doesn't do gross things but Daddy sometimes does." He dug in again.

"Your other mommy only does gross things when we're hunting deer or when she's in a swamp," Dawn agreed with a smile for her boy. "That's very good, Philip."

Chris shook his head. "My mommy doesn't do anything gross. She lets Stepmommy Steve do it." He nodded a bit then ate some more salad.

"Yes she does," his father agreed. "Some girls are like that. Your youngest sister will probably do the same thing."

"Swamps are icky," Liz said dryly. "I'm not a girl that likes that stuff either, Daddy."

"That's fine, Liz. That's something each girl has to figure out for herself." He patted her on the head. "What're you doing this afternoon?"

"Staring at a tree for acting up," Dawn said dryly. "Then she can help me with the girls."

"Dawn," he sighed.

"She was being a butt to Carlos."

"Oh. Well.... Maybe a twenty minute staring at a tree then. Don't torment your uncles," he told her. "It's not nice and Pepper would be mad at your lack of manners."

"Yes, Dad," she sighed. "Can I ask her opinion on it? Or Stepmom's?"

"No. Your mom's going to a safe location. Your stepmom's in a battle. No."

"Fine. Then why are you here?" she demanded. "Stepmom might need you."

"They have three of Auntie Natasha, two Uncle Clints, and an Auntie Kate," Tony said dryly. He stared at her. "Do you think they need me right now instead of figuring out things?"

"Uncle Bruce?" she asked, clutching his arm.

"Going with Pepper," Dawn said. "Bucky's there with Steve too, dear. They'll be fine or I'll go blow them the fuck up."

Liz grinned at her. "Okay. Thank you, Auntie Dawn. We'll cheer you on."

"You can do that," Tony agreed. He looked at Dawn. "You, no, babies. I'll go blow them up."

"Fine." She flapped a hand. "One of us will."

"I'll volunteer," Calia said, staring at them. "I can handle artillery even while I'm in the chair." She looked at her aunt. "I'm a faster mover than you right now thanks to the new nieces in there."

"You're a kid. You can only do self defense," Dawn said, staring her down. "We've had this talk."

"I know, but sometimes you gotta do the big things." She shrugged. "We'll figure it out."

"You, watching siblings," Dawn said with a wave at them. "Last line of defense. Not going out to beat up the bad guys."

"Yes, ma'am," she sighed.

"Or no bikini time at all when we get back home," Tony said. "Including no going on their vacation with them."

"Damn," she muttered.

"Uh-huh," Stark said, smirking at her. "You're too young, you're too inexperienced, you're too valuable to risk. No way in hell, daughter. You're not me. You will not turn into me or your Aunt Natasha. Am. I. Clear?"

She nodded. "Yes, Daddy."

"Thank you!" He grinned. "Work on your next engineering miracle. I want to brag about you and a nobel some day."

"Sure." She pulled out a tablet but Dawn took it from her. "He said...."

"Eat. No work at the table until you're down to nibbling dessert." Calia sighed but nodded, getting back into her food. She was hungry. She looked at Tony. "She missed dinner and breakfast."

"Crap. We do try, Dawn. We know Pepper's rules about one hot meal a day into every Stark there is." He grinned. "Fuss less."

"Fine." She gave a pointed look at his plate so he dug in to eat too. "Thank you both."

Jensen was trying not to smile at the boys, who were stuffing their mouths as fast as they could. Chris and Calia finished, grabbing stuff to work on while they nibbled sweet stuff Vincent brought them.

"Red bull?" Philip asked. "They live on the stuff when they're in the labs."

"I tried *so* hard," Tony sighed, shaking his head. "It's Calia's fault."

"We have an all natural energy drink," Vincent said. "It's like a smoothie and it's nuclear green."

"I guess that'd be okay to try," Calia said with a grin. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. What're you two working on?"

"An inter-dimension Rainbow Bridge," she quipped. "We built one but it's got a few flaws and won't go everywhere." She smiled at him. "This is just for fun stuff. We're not supposed to do real work at the table unless it's an emergency working on stuff to save humanity again." She got back to fussing at her bridge.

Chris grinned at him. "I'm building one of my robotic army of cats pieces."

"It'll work better on dogs," Calia said. "Cats won't follow orders."

"So? I'm making it bigger so it can go on people. That way I can use the bad guys to protect us both if Auntie Dawn can't." He went back to it. Tony was giving him an odd look.

Philip hugged his arm. "If we have to, we take the suit and fly away."

"Yeah, we can do that. I can make the suits do that," he agreed, getting into that program to activate it.

"Watch out for that other program," Dawn warned. "It could use the suits as a proxy."

"Point," Chris said. "We can make sure." He grinned at his dad. "Didn't Calia fix your vibration problem yet?"

"I fixed most of it."

"Still has some, Dad. We'll have to fix that in case you need to go into space on Sissy's bridge."

"Me first," Calia ordered. She sighed, looking at her relatives, and kinda relatives. "Is it normal to feel stupid because I can't solve game show questions even though I can solve some of the fundamental forces of the universe?" They all nodded their heads. "I mean, it's no fair. I suck at _The Chase_. He's a lawyer with a math degree. And the _Idiot Test_, don't even get me started. That guy's a comedian! It sucks, Dad."

"I can't do them either. You should ask Pepper about the charity Jeopardy match I lost by tons. I ended up paying out nearly three hundred thousand dollars to that charity for losing so hard."

"Trivia is a lot different from engineering," Dawn said, staring at her. "We can't be great at all things. Though, a law degree and a math degree? How nerdy is he?"

"He's *huge* she said with a grin. "And snarky. He's like a really heavy Uncle Rodney." She looked at her Dad. "He could help."

"Atlantis is off doing scientific stuff in the middle of Pluto's orbit," he said. "Or else I'd already have him and Radek here, daughter. No one can write a virus like he and Radek can with Miko."

"She's really nice until you mess with her project," Chris said. "Then I think she sucked off some of Uncle Rodney's mean girl vibe. I'll never fix her math problem again."

"She does professional math like Professor Charlie," Calia said absently.

"I know. Dad, when I'm older, can I go to study under Professor Charlie?"

"You can if that's what you want to do," he agreed, smiling at him. "You'll have a lot of schools to choose from."

"I have to make a decision?" His father nodded. "Oh. Shoot."

"Maybe you can go to MIT," Calia said, smiling at him. "I was a bit ahead of them but you're not...."

"Quit picking on your brother," Tony said firmly. "He's just as smart as you are, Calia. He's just younger and likes different areas." He scowled at her.


"Thank you." He looked at Chris. "I went to MIT."

"So the girls can go to Cal Sci and we'll be guys at MIT?" Chris guessed with a grin. "Will they have a program for Liz and Maeve?"

"I'd hope so." He ruffled his hair. "Finish up so we can go back to the park. We'll hang somewhere nearer to the bathroom." Liz quit wiggling and ran for it. "Thank you, daughter."

"Me?" Maeve asked with a smile for her daddy.

"Not until you're out of diapers, dear. In a few years you can potty train. I'm sure Steve and Pepper will help Dawn do it like they did for the others." Dawn nodded at that. Tony grinned at her. She smiled back. "How's he doing?"

"He's gone through it and all that."

"Good. It makes it a lot easier."

"For boys, easy is peeing off the porch," Philip said with a grin. "But I never hit the kitties. They'd be really upset and Tzarina would claw me again." Dawn stared at him. "It was an accident, Mommy."

"It better have been, son."

"I like kitties, Mommy. I'd never hurt kitties. Peeing on things hurts them. Mommy Natasha said it hurt the sheets."

"It did but you got through all that," she said. "Finish up?" He finished his salad and the last few bites of Chris's too.

Calia was defending her last few bites of fruit from the trio of fashionable terrors. "Mine, ladies." They cooed at her, patting her. "I need fruit. Have Auntie Dawn get you more stuff." She finished that up, making her baby sister pout. She shrugged back. "I need the food more. I've got bunches of stuff to do. You guys are going to play with Uncle Jensen." The girls squealed, patting him instead. "See, much better than stealing my fruit." Vincent came out with a to-go box that smelled like fruit, making Calia hug him. "Thank you. I'll need that later."

"Come back when you guys are ready for pastry stuff," he said, giving her a hug back. "I think you're neat." He went back into the kitchen.

"All right, everyone who can, go potty then we'll go back to the park," Daddy Tony said. The kids trooped that way. "And remember Mommy Pepper's orders about washing up afterward."

"Yes, Uncle Tony," Philip said with a grin and a wave for him. He opened the door. "Oops, people in there but he's napping."

Dawn got up but winced and held her stomach.

"Let me," Tony said firmly. "You. Sit." He pointed, going to check out what the kids who thankfully weren't his had found. "He's just passed out, guys. We can move him for you. That way no one steps on him." He did that while Vincent called someone to check on him.

"We could go to the temple," Dawn said. She got comfortable again.

"What can they do that we can't?" Nathan demanded, staring her down.

She grinned. "They're gods. Plus we'd have the war dogs for the kids to be protected by."

"It's probably a target," Tony said, looking at her. "I'd say for you to go to Guatemala again but no clue if that'd be any safer."

"That's fine but we need to find a spot in the park that's near a bathroom."

"There's a nicely cleaned one near the picnic shelter, Dawn," Nathan said. "It's cleaned automatically after each usage." She nodded, smiling at that. "Are they going to need a lot of stuff?"

"We have the diaper bag, the go bags, and a few other things. They should be okay for about two days. By then, I'm hoping most of it's done with and we can move the kids somewhere more ...them. Most of them are going to be really bored."

Tony nodded. "Probably. Unfortunately but probably." The kids came back out, Philip wiping his hands off on Chris's shirt and Calia doing hers on her own shirt. "Out of towels?" They nodded.

"I can go put more in," Vincent said, smiling at the kids. "You guys are so cute."

"We're Starks, of course we are," Calia said with a smug look.

"I am because I'm Mommy's boy," Philip said with a grin of his own.

"Yes, you are, son." Dawn stood up. "Okay, let's take Uncle Jensen back to the park. Let the Daddy Tonys all work on science stuff." They nodded, getting themselves back together to go to the park with their aunt and uncle. They knew to be good for Dawn. She'd cry on them if they weren't and they all hated her mood swings.


Chris got woken up by a chirp from his phone, pulling it over to look at it. "Fuck," he said quietly. He looked, Philip was asleep. Tony was crashed on a couch outside the bedroom. Chris got up carefully so he wouldn't wake Philip then snuck to his aunt's room with the girls. He nudged her, getting a glare back. "The bad guys captured Uncle Bucky and a few others. Including one of the Uncle Clints," he said quietly, letting her see it.

"Fuck," she muttered as she got up.

"I said the same thing," he said with a grin. "Can I help?"

"No. You're a kid. Your only job is to protect your siblings. Got it?" He nodded, going back to check on everyone. Dawn looked at the girls before getting up and putting on something to go under her uniform.

Tony was leaning in the doorway when she opened the door. "No, you're pregnant. There's three of us. We can all go stomp HYDRA, Dawn." He took the phone from her hand, looking at it. "Well, fuck that shit. Let me go handle this. You...guard the kids. Like the son, you're not to be in a battle yet. You have months before you can be in a battle. Unless something really bad happens, then show up and kick some ass with weapons. Okay?" She grimaced but nodded. "Good. Work on their Bucky too? See if you can find this realm's version." He went to wake up the other Tonys. They all growled, got into their suits, and went to fix it.

Dawn went to wake up Clint so he could go with them. She could handle the kids without them. Clay's teams were still in town. She summoned that Bucky out, making him flinch and look around while reaching for a weapon. She stared at him. "I helped you from my world heal, James. Would you like me to help you too?" He stared at her. "I'm Dawn. My sister's a slayer." She smiled. "I'm the super assistant sort for Stark. Including guarding his kids." He nodded slowly. "I can help you remember who you were and all that."

"No, you can't," he said.

"I can."

"It's blocked."

"Dear, I'm better than a lot of people," she said dryly, smiling at him. "We can open some of it in a few different ways." Calia rolled out with a yawn, handing something to her. "You sure?"

"Yeah. It'll uncompress things. He'll probably end up yelling as they come out suddenly. Like a flood," she said at the look her way. "It's like my neuro bridge only it works on compressed memories." She smiled. "We're helpful and protective sorts. Sit, let me put this on your temple." Dawn cast a silencing spell around them while Calia hooked it up. Bucky had probably been slightly sedated so that could help them. Calia turned it on and Bucky did scream as the uncompression happened. He finally panted, clutching his knees.

Dawn waved her back and turned off the bridge, looking at him. "Hey."

"You weren't joking about that hurting," he said in Russian.

Dawn smiled. "Thankfully I learned Russian from Natasha."

He looked at her. "Good accent."

"Thank you," she said in English. He relaxed. "Are you fully back? Do you remember being Bucky as a kid?"

He shook his head. "I remember some. Which was a lot more than I had."

"Are you going to start swearing allegiance to HYDRA? Because if so, I'm going to have to shoot you in the nuts," Calia said.

"No. They're wrong. So wrong," he said.

"Good," Dawn agreed, getting him a damp washcloth to clean the sweat off with. "You can stay here or you can go try to rescue the ones that got captured by HYDRA."


"We could use you here," Calia said. "They want me extra hard because they see the chair as a weakness but know I'm just as smart as my father. Plus my little brother is catching up to us. As you can see, Auntie Dawn's not in the best physical condition at the moment."

He swallowed. "I can help protect you." He looked at Dawn's stomach. "Soon?"

"Two months, but it's triplets."

"Ow." He stood up. "Let me..." He looked around, spotting the staring kid. "Which one are you?"

"Philip," Dawn said without having to look. "My oldest." Bucky nodded, swallowing hard. Calia held up the bridge, letting him take it and go into the bathroom to see if he could get the rest back. It'd hurt but he'd be better. Steve needed him to be better.

Dawn looked at her niece and son. "How many do you have pulled out?"

"Enough that if they come here, they're going to be sorry," she said. "Plus some stuff even Dad hasn't seen yet. Even JARVIS hasn't seen it yet." She rolled back into her room. "Come cuddle, Philip." He ran after her to cuddle her. Dawn could take watch for now.

Part 3 by Voracity2
All three Starks landed in DC, one of them pulling up a locator chip he had on his teammates' gear. "We have six locations for four people," he said. He sent the information over.

"Two are warehouses, one's in the river." The GHS Xander's Tony Stark grimaced. "Let's just destroy the imbeciles. You've got kids to taunt into having fun instead of working in a lab."

"I try, they do it to themselves. The same as we did but without the ignoring times." They flew off to handle things at the various locations. The warehouses had agents. Not good agents but agents. The river was an underground lair, that was quickly flooded when it only had Natasha's wrist taser in for study since that was a secure room. The other site... it had agents too but they were trying to get in. "Oh, let me," Stark said, blasting open the doors. "Sorry, we were busy with the other problems going on. Though these ones have pissed off my kids." He stomped inside. The agents followed. The other two Starks showed up to help. There was already a fight going. Someone was trying to take Steve down with Bucky. Wasn't going to work. Especially not with a missile going up their asses the easy way. "Hey. Miss me?"

"Desperately," Steve growled. He noticed the others. "I'm not sure if they're good or not."

"If not, we'll handle it. If so, they're helpful. I'm pretty sure we rescued weapons. I kept Dawn from coming to help."

"Thank you!" Natasha said bruskly, taking her guns back from one of them. The one from her realm held up her taser with a grin. She snatched it to put back on. "Where is she?"

"Safe with the kids where we were." She nodded once. Then she stomped off. He zapped her, making her scream. "Like I didn't see the surgical scar you didn't have before, dear." Bucky knelt to check her, nodding at the scar. "Okay, let's rescue everyone, go stomp the bad guys, I have to go stop Chris from plotting destruction because he chose to wake up Dawn and not me to come handle this." Steve winced, nodding. "Let's do this, guys." Suddenly, Steve and the others fired on him. "Hey, a fun event."

Dawn showed up, walking in behind all the groups. They weren't paying attention to anyone who might show up to oppose them. That was a really big mistake. She chanted a few sentences, then held up a hand and crushed something, letting it twinkle to the floor. Suddenly, everything slowed down. She walked around, taking weapons, moving people. She found the hidden cells and they were trying to get out. She got them out and nodded. "I've slowed it down. Not sure if that was actually Bucky or not, but Steve was firing on his baby daddy so I'm doubting it's him."

They rushed up. She went looking, finding Bucky in a cell going nuts. "Hey!" She banged on the door then blew it open. She stared at him. "There's a maybe you upstairs firing on all three Tonys." He growled. "You go back there, watch me knock you the fuck out." She put her hands on her hips. "Coming? Or do I have to torture you by making you help me through labor this time?"

He shuddered. "I heard about the last one. No thank you," he growled, walking past her. "Shouldn't you be resting or something?"

"Yeah but there was a not-Steve and a not-Natasha out there firing on all three Tonys. Sorry, had to jump in and take your macho points," she quipped. "Go do macho hero stuff so I don't have to. 'Kay?" She smiled.

He snorted. "Go sit down, Summers. Let the men do the men work and Natasha do the bad things."

"But I like bad things." She followed after checking for more hostages. She came out into a holy mess, looking around. "Do I need to restart things?"

"Already has," Clint called. "Did you see Katie Kate?"

"No. But she's nearby. Let me go find her." She got around the fighting, only having to fire on two of them. She ran into the backup team and agents, plus both Furys outside. "Guys, they're in there firing on all three Iron Mans. We had not-peoples too. I released the hostages I found."

Fury stared at her. "Aren't you pregnant?"

"Shut the fuck up or become a ferret like ours," she shot back then smiled. "I'm not in the mood for you." She walked around him. "Kate, Clint was worried about you...." She trailed off, seeing the new suit flying in. "Please tell me that's Iron Patriot or something?"

Kate looked. "I have no idea who that is. It's not Rhodes is it?"

"No. I can tell Rhodey." She considered it then lit up a magic ball. "Identify yourself or be toasted." That was the thicker, Hulkbuster armor Tony had developed in case they had to take down the Hulk on a rampage some day.

"Gee, thanks," Chris said. "Next time I won't be the big hero guy so I can have slutty harem girls some day. By the way, Calia's running the weapons. I'm just destroying things." He destroyed the front of the building and stomped in, batting a few people away from the versions of his fathers. "Nope, not going to happen."

"Grounded!" All three Starks, all three Steves, and Bucky yelled.

Clint looked at him. "I'd find a way to make sure they don't remember you were here, Chris. I can't even imagine the hell you're in for."

"It was this or turning on my cat army units. I would've used the war dogs but they're nice. So I guess I'll have to use them on the bad guys." He flung them out, hitting quite a few. "Now, Sissy." They all stiffened and shrieked but went down. When they started to get up, they had glassy eyes and looked like they were staring through everything. "Protect the Avengers," he ordered. They moved to herd them into a corner but protected them from their group's firing on them. "I need to word that better."

"No, it works," Clint said. He fired on a few from around the cover of the controlled bad agents. That helped a lot.

"Still. Grounded," Daddy Tony ordered. "Get your ass home, son! Now!" he growled.

"Yup, in a minute, Dad. I can see why you like flying in this thing. It's fun and fast."

Steve grabbed him to pull down. "Are you totally stupid?" he demanded. "You're too damn young to be in the suit, or to be at a battle!"

"Sissy's got the weapons. I'm just doing the physical destruction and being a diversion." He grinned. "Love you too, Stepmom." He got free and flew up then landed on top of some agents firing on his father. "Hi. How're you? Isn't it such a pretty night for a fly?"

"I'm taking you to a shrink when we get home, son," Tony ground out. "Dawn, come get your damn nephew!"

She floated him out, nodding. "We'll be having a talk until you get back." She pointed and Chris huffed but followed orders. He even waved at the three incoming suits. "Oh, hey, it's Rhodey. It's HYDRA," she called to him with a wave. "Go help please?" One nodded, heading in there. One hovered, staring at the other suit. "It's Chris and Calia, Rhodey."

"I'll get the story on them later," he decided, flying inside.

Dawn looked up and prayed to Xander to come help. Apparently he was busy, he sent young, chaosy GHS Xander. Who was still in his leather battle outfit with the sword. "Hey. I wanted mine."

"He's busy destroying the base with the dirty cops. It's nice that even the mob guys are helping destroy there." He looked inside. "I can do that thing. Chicago hated it but yay."

"Please," Dawn said. "It could really help. Fury, don't move yet. Let him do his thing." Fury glared at her and moved but the hormones had started to spike. The waiting team all winced and backed up a few steps but inside, people weren't backing up, they weren't fighting, and even the controlled ones were all too happy to give up because it meant the pain and need would be stopped. Dawn waved a hand. "Go for it, guys." She got out of the way.

Clint stomped out, pausing to kiss her. "Where's the others?"

"No idea and you're not mine so I should beat you to death for that."

He grinned. "Nice call, Princess." She pinched him on the arm. "No clue?"

"I didn't see them down there. He's got me blocked off but Natasha doesn't." She concentrated on them. They were on a helicarrier. "On a helicarrier." Fury came back out. "My Clint and Natasha are on one that's not yours."

"Fuck," he said, calling that in to Hill.

Dawn looked at Kate, who grinned back. "C'mon, let's go save the spouses."

"Nope, you get to sit," Kate said with a point. "Clint would murder me horribly if I let you get into a fight while you're pregnant." She looked at her team. "Where's the helicarriers, Fury?"


"Good to go," she said, waving a hand. That Clint followed. Chris tried to follow but Dawn pointed and he sat back down again.

Bucky stomped past them. "That's weirder than you, Summers. The others?"

"Mine are on a helicarrier. Kate and her crew went, Bucky. Oh, and I helped the one locally get some of his memories back."

He looked at her. "That's mean to use that neuro bridge. It might not pull up everything. Go back to guarding the kids."


He shot her with a knockout bullet, it contained a tiny bit of drug to knock her out. "No, you can't." Willow appeared, taking Dawn with her. "She goes back to the kids," he called.

"Of course," Willow called back.

Bucky walked off shaking his head. He could track the younger team. He had spent some time training with them. They were a good team. Mouthy, smartassed, but a good team. They could be better and he'd make sure of it soon enough.

Fury shuddered. "I do not want to know!" He went inside, glaring at that young, leather clad guy. "Who're you?"


"Is that like Cher, you only name one name?" he demanded.

"Depends on who you talk to," he said with a grin. "Xander Harris."

Fury nearly swallowed his cigar. "Oh, crap, you're one of the Council people."

"No, the Council ones are twins. I'm from the realm that merged." He grinned. "I'm young but I've got some unique skills." He waved a hand around. "Hormones can be a bitch for others, not just me. Our Fury knows about me though. I worked with a SHIELD agent to keep my ass unkidnaped many times." He walked off, tipping one guy's head up with his sword. "Who are you and who are you loyal to?" he asked the SHIELD agent.

"I can be loyal to you."

"If you're loyal to HYDRA, you'll never be loyal to me."

"I can change!"

"I need someone who can be protective without being a dick about it. Is that you?"

"I'll make sure no one ever touches you again."

"Uh-huh. That would seriously crimp my future as an author." The guy growled and lunged but Xander stabbed him. "Okay, so not you. Anyone in here want to be my willing boyfriend and saving guy?" A few groaned and one tried to crawl to him but didn't make it too far. "Pity. I really do need one," he complained as he walked off. He stared at the pouting armored body. "You.... Let's go talk, kiddo."

"You're not my Uncle Xander."

"No, I'm one with a hormone problem. C'mon, we'll go talk." He walked him off to talk to him, and his sister since she was logged into his gear. It was a good talk, a long talk, and by the time they were done their father was out of his armor and waiting. Xander grinned at Tony. "We talked about a lot of adult stuff. And waiting for battles. Battles suck." He looked at the kid, who nodded, looking down. "Go apologize and have a long talk with your dad, Chris. Even if you want to be a hero, there's good reasons and bad reasons to do that. Some day you may have a good reason but it's not while your dad can handle himself. Okay?" Chris nodded, trudging over to talk to his dad. Xander waved and walked off. Someone stopped him. "I don't know you but you look like fun."

"I'm in the employ of Mr. Reddington, sir. He'd like to make sure you get back to Chicago in one piece."

"Let me tell the twins. I was going to get sent back by an easier way." He texted them. The guy took his phone. "No, that's mine." The guy tried to knock him out so Xander knocked him out. "Hmm. Pity." He took his phone back to erase that message and send a picture one. He loaded the guy into the trunk and got in to drive. He knew basically where the demon enclaves were. Surely one had a portal making species he could bribe. He got sent an address and went there, smiling at the nice agent lady he had met before. "Hi, Agent Lizzie."

"Xander," she said. "What happened?"

"I showed up to help. This one guy tried to tell me Mr. Reddington wanted me safe. I was texting the twins to tell them that so he tried to snatch my phone. I dented him a lot and put him in the trunk. I was going to find the portal making demons to get back to Chicago."

"Let's see if we can find out who he is first." She walked over. "Pop the trunk for me please?" He did that and she stared. "You did dent him a whole lot. Okay, let's get him down to interrogation."

"Yes, ma'am." He closed up the car, pocketing the keys, and helped by lifting the guy out. The guy tried to get free so Xander stepped on his nuts. The guy gave up fast. Lizzie smiled at him. He grinned back. "I try so hard to be a good boy."

"I know you do, Xander. Just like ours do." She helped him get the kidnaper down into their interrogation room. Reddington was waiting. "Know him?"

"Unfortunately I do. He's not one of mine but a contact. He works in Europe for a few wealthy individuals who like to butt in and play with things best left alone."

"Is he related to that prince that kidnaped me then tried to sue me for damaging his castle when I got free with Clint's help?" Xander asked.

Reddington looked at him. "Could be." Xander hissed in his ear, getting a nod. "Yes he does work for him as well. Why did he want you that much?"

"Hormones," he said dryly. "He thought I'd make an excellent kitty cat to own."

"Oh, that reason. No, I doubt you'd be a cooperative hostage until Stockholm syndrome kicked in." He walked off. "I'll trace back who he was to get you for. Come rest, Xander."

"No thanks. I'm going to find the portal making demons so I can get back to Chicago. I miss my Frodo." He walked off. An agent tried to stop him so he kissed him. "Thanks, needed that after the battle earlier." The guy took a swing, that Xander ducked under. "Hmm. I must be losing my touch. I'll have to check on that." He got onto the elevator, which needed a pass. Lizzie nicely used hers so he could escape back to the house. An agent was waiting against the car but Xander got around him the simple way, getting in the other side and locking it before crawling over. The guy was trying to break the window. Xander honked and waved, driving off.

He had a flat tire but it wasn't his car so if it got destroyed that was okay by him. The portal making demons were relatively close by anyway. They were nice and took his dagger in payment to get him out of the area. He walked out the bar on the other side, shaking his head at the staring demons. "There were bad guys." They groaned. "Let me get back to my Frodo puppy. Have a great night and happy poker games, guys." He bounced off, getting a cab. The gang kids watching the bar stared at him but he just waved and grinned. "Hi!"

"You're not one of the twins."

"No, I'm the other Xander." He smiled. "I'm even more weird than they are." The gang kids nodded, calling in a cab driver they knew to get him a ride faster. Damned if the city needed *another* one of them, especially a weirder one.


The twins made it home and barely had an hour before they were woken up by someone pounding on the door. Alex walked out. "Jesus, people, can't we even sleep?" he demanded, glaring at the person on the other side. She was in front so obviously in charge. "Do we know your dumb asses?" He pushed back the one that tried to get in. "Um, no. I didn't invite you over, ma'am."

"I'm Agent Maria Hill with SHIELD."

"Yay," he said dryly. "That means you have a seventy percent chance of being one of the bad guys we just got home from fighting. So tell my tired ass why I give a *damn* who the hell you are?"

"I'm here to knock some sense into your other self, Mr. Harris. He interfered with a battle last night in a very...unique way."

"He hormoned 'em. Great. It works well from what we've seen. And? It's how he fights. You'd rather he had brought a robotic army?"

"No," she admitted. "We need to get a statement about what happened last night, in your battle and ours. We know he went off the grid last night. He evaded a few SHIELD agents I sent to get said statement."

"As far as I know he's napping on his little doggy friend and I doubt you're going to get to wake him up. Or my twin." He stared at her. "It's not even *close* to a decent hour if you work nights like we usually do. Come back then." He slammed the door, locked it, then trudged back to bed. Andrew grinned from the kitchen. "I don't care. They don't buy our weapons anyway." He pouted all the way to bed, letting his twin soothe him. Xander was indeed in there cuddling up to Frodo but cuddled him as well when he climbed between them. That was nice. He needed to find someone to do this for him after every battle.


"Why is there a dragon in Eureka!" a female yelled from up the street.

"Because I'm supposed to be here, ma'am. The army said so. I'm helping protect your town." He grinned at her. "Don't worry, we don't eat maidens or married ladies." He went back to nuzzling the dog he was playing with. Lojack really liked to play with him. And the kids. The dog had woke up the kids to play with him a few hours ago.

She huffed off to the sheriff. "Why is a dragon protecting us?"

He turned on the tv in the office, pointing at it. "The same goons that're trying to take over the US have already tried here. The dragon's part of a military unit that's helping protect us. Was he sunning himself?"

"Playing with Lojack," she complained.

"That doesn't really surprise me about Jensen." She glared. He stared back. "Is a dragon really that shocking?"


"He's a tech ops guy, ma'am. He's not going to eat anyone who doesn't annoy him, and then he'll probably only embarrass them somehow. He's a computer tech on a special operations team." She slumped. "He's a really nice guy most of the time. Just now and then he changes form."

"That's magic," she sneered.

"So is the pregnant lady guarding the Stark kids. Nathan's not real happy that she brought in a miniature closet full of weapons to help the kids protect themselves since he can't figure out how she did it."

She walked off to find Nathan and badger him about all this nonsense. Couldn't they have the regular army watching them like usual?

The sheriff shook his head, sending Dawn a text message in warning. She sent one back that it was fine and Jensen was heroically playing with that dog to let the kids sleep in. He laughed but sent back that was always a great thing. It was when his own daughter had been that age.


Calia finally figured out how to talk to Atlantis and their uncles up there. She scried, waving at the grumpy woman in the mirror. "Auntie Miko, it's us. Another daddy in another realm is merged with the one we're merged with because he created an artificial sentinel program to spare them some work. We're going to have to take down the internet I think."

Miko stared at her. "How are you doing this?"

"Magic," she said with a grin. "Did I hit the wrong realm? I was trying to get our Auntie Miko."

"I am your Aunt," she said patiently. "Let me get Rodney up."

"Okay. This isn't taking too much energy." She grinned. "I haven't used any magic in a few days."

"Good." She put in her communicator while loading up her toothbrush. "McKay to my room for a call for help," she announced. She hung up, brushing her teeth while shaking her head.

"Daddy created it to help them with the more minor things so they weren't always on the run. Well, that daddy. Ours is still fighting HYDRA." She shrugged a bit. "There's three versions of Dad here."

Miko spit while swearing. "Three?" she demanded.

"Ours, the one from this realm originally, and one from another realm that created that problem so they merged thanks to Gaia and their Loki."

Miko stared at her then shook his head. "Strange bedfellows come from emergencies."

"At least you guys aren't on Asgard any more."

Rodney stomped in. "What sort of emergency is going on? Calia?"

"We're going to have to bring down the entire internet and most things connected to it. Another version of dad was making an AI to help handle the lesser battles. We're fighting Hal's smarter twin. Who has daddy issues with Dad. Though, you can help Chris hide from Daddy yelling at him for daring to take a suit to go help in a battle while I ran his weapons."

"I will paddle you both for ruining your minds that way," he said bluntly. "Where are you?"

"Eureka." She grinned. "They're super geeks."

"Yes they are from what I've heard. I'll see if Sheppard can get us there."

"If not, Uncle Roque's here with his team."

"That's a good idea, can you call him?"

"Uncle Jensen, can Uncle Roque talk to Uncle Rodney?" she yelled, turning her head.

"Yeah, give him five, Calia."

"Five minutes." She grinned. "Thankfully scrying doesn't take much energy." Roque stomped in. "We'll need help to take down the entire internet and upload that virus. Plus a learning module so it can change as needed. Without it letting go on other things."

"Yes, they probably will," Rodney said. "We're a good galaxy away."

Roque nodded. "John?"

"Sleeping. He's the lucky one," Miko said. "We just had the drives go out for ten hours."

Roque nodded. "I'll get to John somehow and come get you two and Radek. I probably can't take many more."

"Take me and her. We're the best with computer things," Rodney said. "I'll be ready in ten minutes."

"Let me clean up a bit more," Miko said, waving.

"Sorry, Auntie Miko. I didn't mean to interrupt shower time," Calia said and signed off.

Roque patted her on the head. "That's not a bad idea." He walked off. "Jensen, they're going to have to do something drastic. I'm getting you three geeks help."

"Thanks," he said while he read online. "This Ultron guy is getting annoying. He's in my porn."

Roque sighed. "Not around the kids."

"They're outside." He grinned. "I'll go play later. When Dawn needs a nap." He got back to his browsing.

Roque reached for some shadows, searching for John. He could barely feel him and walked out into his room, getting a grunt. "Getting two of your geeks for the mega geek conference to solve an AI going rogue."

"Great," John muttered. "Want me to call them?"

"They'll be here in a minute." He considered it. "I wonder if I can take the pool," he muttered. He shrank it and took it with him, earning a smirk from John. "Not like you guys are using it."

"No thank you. I don't like tentacles and I don't need a pool with dicks attached." He flapped a hand. "Open," he called. Miko and Rodney walked in with their laptops.

Roque took them with him. The special pool went to the town's fun area. They'd have fun with the tentacles. He heard Dawn laughing, shooting her an evil grin. "They could use the stress relief."

"Yes they could," Jensen said, coming out to help them. "Ultron is in my porn, guys. And he's got daddy issues." They groaned, going to find the elder Starks with the two genius kids coming to help. They settled in to figure out how to do this without ruining the internet for good or giving the virus too much power. They didn't need to do this again when the virus went intelligent.


Sheriff Jack Carter heard the screams and ran out of the office, looking around. "What's happened?" he demanded when he saw a few people running.

"Tentacles!" she shouted. "I don't need dick looking tentacles to bother me!"

Jack nodded. "Let me get a bigger gun and I'll bring Jo." He called her in to come help him, and bring the bigger guns back since she had most of them to clean that night. She showed up where the tentacles were, staring at the mess of them. They were coming out of a pretty nice looking marble pool that hadn't been there before.

"That's sick," Jo said, walking over. The bigger weapon was over her shoulder. The tentacles looked like they had dicks on the ends of them and they were definitely trying to grab things to pull into the pool. That poor robotic cat had to flee very hard. "Can we get that one Xander with the hormones here?"

"I'm not sure if it'd like him or not," Jack said. "Someone call Nathan? If I look away it'll try to pull me in too." He stomped on a tentacle that was trying to grab his ankle but winced in dick sympathy.

"Yeah, I can do that." She took a picture. She sent it to Alison's phone. Alison came out to look, rubbing her eyes. "Weren't not sure which realm it came from. Think it'd like that one Xander with the hormone problem?"

"I'd hope not. That's...foul." She called Nathan. "Come emasculate this pool, Nathan, before Jo and I have to have too much fun doing it for you guys."

"You'd better. I'm feeling sympathy pain just looking at them," Jack said. He backed up, stomping on the nearest tentacle vine with a wince. "Somewhere there's an anime missing its creature."

"I'm not that generous. It has to be hentai," Jo said.

Alison Blake burst out laughing. "That'd be some kinky stuff. I don't know of anyone who'd want to watch that." She called her Botany people. "We have somehow gotten a marble pool with a peculiar tentacle plant in it. By the side entrance. Yes, that one. I'd send females. It's a bit...disturbing to men. Thank you." She hung up. Fargo was staring and whimpering. "Go inside, Fargo," she said gently. "Take Larry with you."

"He can fend for himself just like every other guy," Jack said. Nathan stomped out with all three elder Starks. One of the Tonys burst out laughing. "Your realm's?"

"Every decade each kid of a chaos god has to have an outburst that powers their father," he said. "Our Xander had his but he'd also had mexican food." He licked his lips. "Cupid had said that Atlantis needed some desperate stress relief so Xander made them a great pool with dicks to mount." The other two shook their heads with a groan. "The mexican food added to it by creating the tentacle monsters and one particularly bad bean fart created the dick tentacles. They had to get Valkyries down with Artemis to kill them for all the guys on Atlantis then all of Atlantis got *really* drunk."

"So how did it get to Eureka?" Jack asked.

All three Tonys shrugged. "Roque brought back Miko and Rodney to help us earlier. Maybe it tagged along," one said.

Nathan glared at him. "Is Roque the kid of a chaos god?"

"Fertility goddess and I think his father's a healer." They could all hear a high-pitched male laugh in the bushes, turning to find both Lokis giggling on each other.

"Take it with you," Nathan ordered. "We don't need that sort of stress relief in Eureka!"

A botantist came out to stare at the fountain. "I need to take cuttings to see if it can be used for something useful instead of something pretty."

"Don't let it catch you," Jo warned. "It pulls things into it to have fun."

"I don't need that sort of fun, Deputy Lupo. Thanks anyway." She took cuttings. "There, all yours." Both Lokis grabbed the pool, taking most of it with them. A few tentacles got left behind for the botanist to pick up and figure out. "Any idea where they originate from?" the botanist asked.

"A god who had mexican food," one of the Tonys said.

"That explains a lot." She took them down to the botany section. The men in there did flinch away from them. The others came in to help her. The chemists were fascinated. The vines even leaked white fluid from the cut parts.

Alison looked at Jo, who shook her head, then Jack, who was groaning. "Go get drunk, guys. You deserve a night off and we do have those three teams here." Jo walked off cuddling her gun. Jack wandered off as well; maybe his daughter could sleep over at a friend's house so he could get way too drunk to remember he had seen that.

Nathan looked at her. "Me too. I'll see you three in the morning." He walked off rubbing his forehead. "I'm so glad we don't have Gods on our realm naturally."

Alison followed him grinning at his back. It was cute when Nathan got flustered by something.

The three Starks went back to their work. "Someone brought your special pool," one told Rodney.

Rodney shuddered. "Better than us having it."

"Loki took it," another said as he sat down.

"I'm sure Asgard will have fun with it," Miko said dryly. "More power to them. Maybe it'll make them all happier people."

Rodney nodded. "It might help."


Young GHS Xander looked up. "How would I know what to do with a tentacle fountain?" he muttered. "All I'd do is give it to SHIELD. They could use the stress relief."

The twins and Ray Vecchio all stared at him. "What?" Ray demanded. Xander sat up to tell them about the tentacle pool. It had been a thing he had heard about at the convention. Ray stared at him then at the twins. "Are you two that warped?" They shook their heads but Alex was giggling.

"At least Loki will make sure parts of Asgard are happier. Though I'm not sure which one it went to." His twin burst out laughing too. "I can't see SHIELD dealing with it."

"I can but I doubt they'd feed the poor vines enough," younger Xander said. "Andrew, how would we make a pool like the tentacle pool?" he called. Andrew was in the bathroom.

Andrew came out looking up footage of that. Eureka's camera backups had pictures of it before it got stolen. "We can make robotic vines."

"Fury would *kill* us all if we gifted him with one," Alex said, hugging his younger self then Andrew. "He really would."

"Natasha might like to have it there for special training times," younger Xander said, typing out a text message to his Clint and Natasha to ask them if they wanted them to work on one for SHIELD. He was great with plants. Even Gaia had said so.


In DC, Clint and Natasha both looked at the phones beeping. "It's yours," Clint called to the other him, who was talking with Kate. He was Dawn's, he had already heard about the pool appearing in Eureka, and so had Natasha by the way she was trying not to laugh.

Clint grabbed his by leaning backwards then sitting back up to read the message. "What's a tentacle pool?"

Clint shook his head. "It's a pool that has marble dicks to mount for stress relief but thanks to Xander having mexican food farts it has dick tentacles that come out to help you into it." He stuffed his mouth, looking at his Natasha. "It wasn't even the mini Starks' fault."

She nodded. "Thankfully. That way our son isn't warped."

"Our son thinks that having a penis makes him more mean than girls," Clint said dryly. "Though I am glad we finally got through to him about showing his penis off with his big boy panties strut." Natasha and Kate both burst out laughing. The others stared so he pulled up a video Calia had taken and sent to him. He let them see it.

The other two Clints burst out giggling too. "He was amusing during those days, even if he did want to crossdress a bit," Natasha said, smiling at the video. "Thank you for reminding him he doesn't need to flash said little penis."


"Welcome," GHS Xander's Clint said. "We had a talk about penises with his Uncle Tony too."

Dawn's Clint grinned at the others. "Philip used to hate clothes unless Nat dressed him. He ran around naked more than once, usually while meowing and trying to use the litterbox."

"He is adorable," Kate agreed, smiling at the Clints. "At least you had a good boy, most of the time. Though he has been telling the girls about dicks. Mommy Dawn had to stop that."

"Good!" Natasha agreed. "They don't need to know about dicks until they're much older."

"Thirty?" Clint asked.

"Or older," Natasha agreed. "Or else we might end up grandparents." She shuddered. He groaned, shaking his head.


Calia heard the boys talking about their dicks again and sighed. "It's all about dicks with you two. You should have other topics of conversation. Or try having a vagina for a bit."

"What's a vagina?" Chris asked.

"Girl parts instead of boy parts," Liz said.

"Ewww, girl parts," Chris complained. "That's nasty."

Calia looked at him. "We feel the same way about boy parts so quit talking about them before I cut yours off to give you girl parts. There's surgeries for that."

"I saw one online," Liz quipped with a grin for the two boys. They ran out to find safety with the mommy/auntie. The girls high-fived and got back to their things.

Dawn walked into the room. "Quit picking on the boys."

"They were talking about their dicks again," Calia complained.

"I'll talk to them," Dawn said. "Don't threaten to castrate them again, ladies." She walked out to talk to the boys. "Penises are not public discussion topics, boys," she said firmly. "Not around any girls unless you're old enough to be dating and sleeping with them." They shuddered, shrinking down. "I don't want to hear a single word about your dicks for the rest of this trip. Got it?" They nodded. "Good!"

"Make them not talk about girl things," Chris complained. "Calia was talking about icky girl conditions that women get."

"Yeah, she was warning her sister she'd have one some day," Dawn said dryly. "That's a medical subject that should be covered in private. Just like you two talking about your dicks are."

"Yes, Auntie."

"Yes, Mommy."

"Thank you!" She went to change the younger three.

Philip followed her, pointing. "Is that the vagina thingy that Calia said she was going to cut my penis into?"

"Quit staring at your sister but yes." She patted him on the head. "Write your father an email to ask him to talk to you about that stuff or go ask Uncle Tony."

"Can we ask Uncle Bucky?"

"If you want and he'll answer." He ran off to get Chris's tablet to write their favorite playing uncle. He'd answer questions without getting huffy like Dawn would.


Bucky looked at his phone. He scowled at the other heros across the room. "Barton, why did your son just write me an email asking what good was a vagina?"

"I don't know," he said. "Was that the subject line or the whole thing?" Bucky got into the email, making Steve laugh since he read over his shoulder. Bucky tossed it at Clint, who read it and groaned but answered it back. He sent Calia a mean email at the same time. "That's nearly as bad as Calia panicking when she realized Philip's not circumcised but Chris was so she thought he was deformed."

Bucky considered it. "She helped change diapers?"

"Yeah. Back then she was an aunt-following helper. She helped Dawn and Tara change diapers."

Bucky nodded then burst out giggling. "I can't see that talk."

"That was when she got grounded for six months for looking it up online," Steve said. "We might not have figured out she went online to look up stuff we told her she didn't need to know but she came down to complain about some of the pictures she saw. Including the pierced ones. She went on a long 'eeww' rant. You were found during that. That's when she had to do her homework by hand for six months."

"I remember that melt down." Bucky shook his head. "How are you going to handle the girls having their first periods?"

"Crying," Steve said bluntly. He walked off. "They're too young for that."

"Calia's had boobs now for just about a year," Clint said. "It'll happen soon." Natasha nodded. "Already?"

"She's showing some hormone swings so within six months probably. I'm already dreading having that talk with the girls. Lexi will probably freak out since she hates blood."

"Only when we get hurt," Clint corrected. "If it's hers she shrugs it off. If it's Mira's she'll lick it for her. Dawn had to stop that last time."

Natasha nodded. "I blocked out that memory." She walked off shaking her head.

"Just think, at least two more girls of the new three on the way," Bucky quipped.

"Shut up," she ordered in Russian, glaring back at him. "Do not remind me."

"Hey, we could be in lamaze classes again," Clint quipped.

"No," she ordered. "I don't think we need that." She huffed. "Is Dawn having them the usual way?"

"With an emergency during the labor and a lot of shared pain?" Bucky quipped.

"Probably," Clint agreed, mouthing that. "We're probably going to suffer right along with her."

Natasha sighed but nodded. "Yes, we probably will. Would anyone like to help Dawn through labor this time?" Everyone else shook their heads, including Clint. "Pity. I really should find those goddesses that got her pregnant this time to have a talk with them."

"Since Loki took that pool with him, maybe they'll get relaxed after using it," Clint quipped, smirking at her. She smirked back.

"Don't give him ideas," Phil Coulson's voice called without him appearing. "Please don't give him ideas. It's bad enough it pulled in Odin." The heros burst out laughing at that mental image.


Dawn looked up, finishing her nail filing. She looked at the girls, who were happily cooing in their playpen prison. Maeve had started to crawl that morning. It was better if the kids couldn't wander. The older kids were working on school lessons. She had put her foot down about that since the older Starks were working with Rodney and Miko on the virus. They didn't need the kids and the kids needed educations. That worked well because Chris and Philip had woken up cranky this morning for some reason. It had to be a 'boy' thing.

Philip was presently resting his head on her lap getting kicked by the triplets while he read a little kid book. He liked it so she let him do it. Chris was leaning against her chair, his head against her thigh. That worked for him and he was doing math class lessons so that was fine. Calia was out of her chair on the grass studying. It was nice Liz was leaving her alone because she was reading something Dawn had given her. It'd work most of the way until lunch hopefully. By then the fathers should take over or they could go to the café for lunch. The kids all liked Vincent a lot. And Fargo. He was a nice guy.

Around lunch, Larry unfortunately showed up with a picnic basket for them. "Thank you," Calia said with a smile.

"You're welcome. Do you guys need into the library for study time? Or the school?"

Calia smiled. "I'm doing college work through Cal Sci sending my mandatories to my high school. But thank you. I'll let you know if Chris needs some research stuff."

"I hate math," he complained with a pout.

Dawn ran her hand over his head. "Math is important. You use math a lot even if you hate working on it. All that stuff you did with the engines required math but you didn't realize you were doing math." He grinned up at her. "Finish up that section and you move to trig."

"I know," he complained. He looked at Larry. "How many maths did you have to take?"

"I took through Calculus in college."

"I took that last year," Calia complained. "I hated Calc two. I dropped it this year and I'll pick it up next year when I have art classes to do. It'll give me a break."

"We like art," Liz said impatiently, glaring at her sister.

"You like art," Calia corrected. "I like some art but not a lot of art. It's there to be pretty but not real useful."

"It's also known to make you stop to think about things," Dawn prompted. "It's like your mandatory humanities classes, dear. It's a people thing instead of a machine thing."

"That'd be okay I guess." She shrugged, taking the basket to push toward her sister. "Your turn to set out lunch."

"I can do that," Philip said, coming over to help.

"You're a great help today, Philip. Thank you," Dawn said, smiling at her son.

"Do I have to take math?"

"Some year you'll have to take some but unless you're going into a science field like Chris and Calia you won't have to do a lot of it."

"Good. Numbers suck." He pulled things out, handing them to everyone. He put the three babies' meals next to Dawn for later and settled in to share his with Chris so they could both eat the other's stuff too.

Dawn smiled. "Thank you, Larry."

"You're welcome. Are you in science?"

"I'm a linguist with a special gift for business stuff. Accounting is like my zen." She grinned. "Languages do bring the world together."

"It does I guess," he agreed. "What're their fields?"

"I'm a great mechanical engineer," Calia said, smirking at him. "I'm working on a new design but no idea if it'll go yet or not. Chris, what're you working on?"

He looked up and chewed before answering. "My music player's inefficient. I'm fixing it."

"You can go Apple," Larry said.

"Nah, they're pretentious," Chris said with a grimace. "Most people own Apple stuff just to say they own the overpriced Apple stuff. Our Stark phone is *hugely* better and we need a music player too. Dad didn't agree but he likes music too. His suit even has playlists." Calia nodded.

Larry stared at him. "Do you think it'll be financially reasonable to make your own?"

"Our phone's at least a hundred less than Apple's," Calia said, holding hers up to show him. "It's got a lot more memory and better sound quality. Plus it's unlocked so you can bring it from carrier to carrier when you want." She grinned. "I helped Dad design the needed features. You can download from all platforms and it'll still run most of them properly."

"We have laptops too," Chris said with a pat of his. "And tablets." Calia pointed at hers. "They're very reasonably priced."

"I didn't think anyone could do that."

"Most of the time people like our stuff," Dawn said with a grin for him. "It's reasonable, it works well, and it's not real exclusivist like Apple stuff can be. It'll work with all the major operating systems."

"Wow. I'll have to let Dr. Stark know so he can look into doing that on our realm." He walked off. "Have a good afternoon."

"You too, Larry," Calia said. She looked at her aunt, who shrugged back. "Vincent's really nice. We need to see if he's around in our world."

"We should," Dawn agreed. "He'd do wonderfully in our caf instead if he's not in Eureka."

The kids nodded, getting back to eating. The babies woke up with a squeal so Dawn got them their lunches to gum on. They were happy enough since Philip and Chris were making faces at them.


Alison Blake walked up to the happy group of kids later that afternoon, sitting down with some assistance from Chris. "That's very polite of you, Chris. Thank you," she said, smiling at him.

"Mommy Pepper wants me to have manners like Stepmommy Steve." He sat down again. "Besides, you're pregnant too and pregnant ladies have problems sitting and standing." He shrugged. "Auntie Dawn does. She's in the bathroom right now."

"I can wait. I heard from Larry that your father puts out his own line of computers?" Calia handed hers over, getting back to something on her tablet. She got into the control panel to find the specifications, nodding at it. "That's really nice. I'd like this for my next one."

"We has phones too," Philip said with a happy grin, holding up his mom's. He had been texting his favorite mommy about being careful while she helped his father play with the bad guys.

She handed back the laptop and took the phone to look over, nodding. "That is really nice." Dawn came out wiping off her hands. "You all right?"

"I've got two months left," she said dryly, settling in again with a sigh. "There's three of them."

"I remember when I carried Kevin," she said, handing the phone back. "Larry bragged about your electronics line."

"Tony went to it after he quit designing weapons."

"That makes a lot of sense. It looks really nice and helpful." Dawn smiled. "Are you okay?"

"I'm good. Tired, but good. I wouldn't impose on the two older Starks to babysit the tots. Maeve just started to crawl this morning."

"Awww. That's a special time." She smiled at the girls, who were drooling on a magazine. "They're fashionable?"

"They're very fashionable," Dawn agreed.

"Mira has to be a tough girl but Lexi has to match," Philip told her with a grin. "They knew even before they could see colors! They fussed and fussed when they weren't in the right outfits. Mira has to have tough girl lace all the time if she's pretty."

"That's really talented," Alison said, smiling at him. "Do you like clothes?"

"I miss my kilt and my ruffley shirts. And my velvet jacket. My school has one and it's pretty." He got into Dawn's phone to show her a picture. "That's my school's uniform. I wanted to go with Chris but he's taking special Stark lessons." Chris nodded.

Dawn smiled. "When you're older you can take those sort of lessons if you want to go into science, Philip."

"I know," he sighed, shaking his head but grinning at Alison. "School's so boring even if the clothes are pretty."

"It can be," Alison agreed, smiling at him then at Dawn.

"We had the worst time getting him into a school when we were in New York. I was considered the help and all that." She grinned. "I showed my ass and it worked then we moved back to Malibu most of the time." Alison laughed but nodded she understood that.

"Can we see the horsies when we go back?" Philip asked. "I haven't seen ponies in a while, Mommy."

"We might be able to. We'll have to see what we've got planned." He nodded, hugging her stomach then getting back to his own workbooks. "We own a horse farm in New Zealand," Dawn said quietly. "He loves horses."

"Horses are sweet animals."

"But you can't keep them in the house like we do with Loki cat and Tzarina," Philip said without looking up. "They'd get the whole house messy because ponies don't use the litter box."

Chris nodded. "They don't. Auntie Dawn, can you teach me how to ride?"

"You can come with us to learn," she said. "Or you can take lessons in Malibu."

"Can Sissy do that?" he asked, staring at her.

"There's a lot of programs that work with kids or adults with major injuries like her back. I've looked into a few but she said she wants more time in physical therapy first."

He sighed but nodded. "I can understand that. When do I get to learn how to drive?"

"When you're old enough to see over the steering wheel and reach the pedals at the same time," Calia said. "The same as I am."

"You can drive like that?" Philip asked. "You can't use pedals."

"They make hand pedals," Alison said, grinning at the plucky young lady. "They're put around the steering wheel like they do on race cars."

"Ooooh," the boys said, looking at each other.

"I need to look into those, make sure they work with our engines," Chris said. "Even the flying one maybe." Calia leaned over to hug him. "Thanks, Sissy. But no mushy stuff." He got back to his tablet, looking up how that worked. Philip leaned over to give him ideas. "You're a good muse, Philip."

"Thank you!" He grinned. Philip grinned back. "We should have candy."

"The candy stash you guys ordered off amazon is hidden in the compound," Dawn said. Alison was giggling, shaking her head. "That and Red Bull. Though his first time he ordered all sorts of boy skirts to go with his kilt. Which was my son's fault. Calia's brother showed him kilts one weekend."

"Awww," Alison said, smiling at them. "Did they wear them properly?"

"Even to daycare," Dawn said with a nod and a grin. "The daycare worker realized it when a friend's kids started yelling about the bare butt she could see," pointing at Chris. She rolled her eyes.

"It was fun and we were proper," Philip said, staring at her. "We had tattoos too."

"You did have kid tattoos. Your Mommy Natasha wasn't sure she liked those designs. You'll have to pick better ones next time."

"Mommy Pepper said if they did it again she was going to lose her shit," Calia said.

"Don't swear in front of the babies," Philip said, scowling at her. "They might swear and not be a good girl. They could turn into Liz." Liz cracked up, hugging him. "I want sissies to be good girls."

"They will be," Alison promised, smiling at them. "Even if they don't go into the same sort of fields of study the others go into, they will be."

Philip looked at her, shaking his head. "Liz is a mean girl. She tried to operate on Calia once."

"I like surgery shows," Liz complained.

"Hey, we can help you get through medical school so you can do it for real," Dawn said, grinning at her.

"I'm still thinking. That's a lot of work."

"I did that and did a science degree too," Alison said. Liz's eyes went wide. She grinned at her. "I'm a biological engineer but I have both degrees."

"Lots and lots of math," Chris said, shuddering. "No thank you. Insides are nasty and so are newborn babies. I'd hate to have to deliver babies forever and ever."

"Not all doctors deliver babies. I've only delivered three and I don't think Nathan has ever delivered one. He didn't even want to be there when I had Kevin."

"Kevin can come play if he wants," Dawn said. "We don't mind."

"Kevin's got autism," Alison said.

"That's fine. The kids can be gentle. Three of the kids in the Malibu facility's daycare are on the spectrum and they know how to play with them sometimes." Alison smiled, sniffling a bit. "My kids will never be the ivory tower type and I won't let Calia be one either. Chris and Philip are warping each other so they're more extraordinary but mostly normal."

"Is her son like Missy, who has Aspergers?" Philip asked.

"He's autistic," Alison said, "but he's got a more severe form, Philip. He might like to come play or pet Jensen if you guys are going to pounce him again."

"Uncle Jensen will be over tonight after he catches a nap," Calia said with a grin for her. "They're taking geek turns on the plot."

"That makes sense," Alison agreed. "Are the three Tonys?"

"No," Dawn said, shaking her head slightly with a small sigh. "Tony's the sort to lock himself in his lab for months on end if we don't go interrupt him to eat and shower."

"Or sleep," Calia said. She yawned. "Sorry."

"Just think, the hormones will soon giving you many days of needing to sleep in," Dawn quipped with a smirk for her niece.

"Yay," Calia said flatly. One of the kids threw something at her. "Hey!" She threw it back with a scowl. "Don't throw things at me. That's mean. I'll quit buying you three clothes magazines."

"Do you wear special clothes to ride ponies?" Chris asked.

"Not when you first start but if you go up to competing I think you do," Dawn said.

"Cool." He nodded, getting back to work. He yawned. Calia yawned but hit him on the arm. "Hey! Mean bitch!" She hit him on the arm again. "Auntie!"

"Calia, quit hitting your brother before I beat you both."

"Yes, Auntie," they said together.

"Take a nap," Philip said, wiggling over to hug Calia. "I'll help. I'm good at helping with naps." He grinned. Calia cuddled him. When she was nearly asleep he pulled his buddy over to help him nap too. Chris clearly needed a nap. He soon drifted off on top of his tablet. Philip carefully moved it. "Not drool on that. It'll ruin it." He moved, looking at the girls. "Go to sleep or I'll sing." They fussed but laid down when he encouraged it, taking a nap on each other. He grinned evilly at his mother. "This means I get Unclie Jensen first." He grabbed her phone to text message him.

Dawn looked at Alison, smiling some. "I do have some great kids."

"They certainly are," she agreed, smiling at the young boy. He was so cute. "Where's the other one?"

"Staring at the statue in the park," Philip said. "She snuck off." He looked at her. "She likes art stuff."

"Art can be pretty," Alison agreed. Jensen walked into the yard carrying Liz and yawning. "Did they wake you?"

"Slightly but I was about to get up anyway." He put Liz down and changed to his smaller form. Philip cooed, cuddling him. "I'll get bigger if we can clear some room." The ladies got moved and moved the playpen too. Jensen got bigger, letting the two awake kids pet him and check his scales. Liz loved to help him oil himself. Philip thought his wings were cool. It worked well to keep them occupied for a while.

Alison and Dawn shared a smile. Alison got Kevin over to pet Jensen too. He squealed at the actual dragon, who only nuzzled him. Philip and Liz showed him how to pet Jensen and it was better for him today.


Stark got a bad note from Pepper and Bruce. HYDRA had tried at their hiding place, which was another Stark Industries compound. They were nearly out of time before they got unmerged. He looked at Clay, theirs since he had a huge bruise on his shoulder from Roque's teeth. He showed him.

"It's possible that we'll end up with some in our realm if they're in our versions of the buildings," he said. "Roque said it was a potential problem last night."

"Are they coming this way?"

"We know Ultron's not fond of them," another Stark said. He looked up. "We know he tested the AI of Zola but didn't like his ideology. They're not exactly fighting against each other but Ultron seems to want to let them do some of his dirty work for him."

"Can we put them against each other?" Nathan Stark asked.

"No," Clay and the three Starks said. "It's too smart to fall for that. You guys have the thing ready."

"We've sent it, it's weeding out little pockets of it. Each of us has a copy of the program so we can upload it in case some of that evil AI comes home with us," another Stark said.

Daddy Tony nodded. "I certainly don't want it near my suits or the kids. It might warp my kids."

"Your kids are little hellions," Clay joked, grinning at him. "Philip's not much better. Did you know he and Chris bit someone on the ass earlier for nearly sitting on them?"

"It doesn't really surprise me. What did Dawn do?"

"Dawn didn't do a thing. She was in the bathroom. Liz chewed them a new one."

Tony grinned. "We love Liz being mouthy. She really is a mini-Dawn."

"Yes she is," Clay agreed. He felt tiny arms go around him and grinned. "Hey, Philip."

"Philip is a good boy."

"Usually, yes you are," Tony said, looking back at him. "Are you sneaking?"

"No, Mommy sent me to come get a babysitter. Babies are kicking her butt and if they don't stop she'll have to lay down before they come out her lungs." He grinned. "You know the trio of terror won't listen to anyone but Mommy and Auntie Pepper, and sometimes Uncle Bucky."

Tony nodded. "Yes, I've seen them do that. We can come work on this with you guys so Calia and Chris can help."

Philip smiled. "Chris is fussing over Mommy. Someone has to since Daddy isn't here." He bounced some. "But it is lunch so you could come eat with us. Before I bite another butthole for nearly shoving my head up it by sitting on me."

Tony swatted him. "Do not talk like that around others."

"Sorry. She did though!"

"Uh-huh." He stared at him. Philip pouted but shrugged, looking down. "Sure, we'll come eat and check on Dawn. Can you guys be good this afternoon?"

"We have school stuff to do. All but Lizzy, who did all hers, and the trio of terror. They need dollies or something so Nifa can go back to that Daddy Clint."

"We'll see what we can work up once we get home," Tony said, gathering up stuff, looking at the others. They nodded they'd follow in a few minutes. "C'mon, let's go check on Dawn and her babies."

"Will we have to go to Asgard like we did with me?" he asked as they walked off. "My mommy said that we had to because I wanted to come out too soon." He grinned up at his Uncle Tony. "That'd be cool. We could wear leather and velvet again. Chris would like that too. Ooooh! And we talked about horsie lessons?" He bounced around him, grinning up at him. "He wanted to take horsie lessons and I'm already learning whenever we go to visit the horsies."

"There are places to take riding lessons in Malibu, yes," he said with a smile for his nephew. "We can find a good one for you and Chris to learn from, and Calia if she wants to."

"She wants out of chair first."

"That's reasonable." He patted him on the head, stopping him from running across the street. "Look both ways twice." Philip did that then ran across while Tony walked. They went back to the house they were borrowing, him going in to check on Dawn. She was curled up on her side on the bed with Alison Blake feeling her stomach. "We good or is this a 'we need to hit Asgard to speed up time' thing? Philip wanted to know."

"You can?" Alison asked.

"Asgard time runs two weeks to our day in our realm," Dawn said. "We did that with Philip. Without the baby being connected to my time method it can age faster. Somehow. Phil managed it for me with Xander's help."

"He asked," Tony quipped. "We good?"

"We're fine. She needs some rest. She'll be fine by tonight. The kids just got a bit energetic in there." She smiled at Dawn. "You seem fine." Dawn grinned back.

"We can watch the heathens," Calia said from the doorway. "Not like I haven't changed diapers since I was Liz's age."

Tony nodded. "You did a lot of that. Have you checked on Tara and the twins?"

"At the temple."

"Good." He looked at Dawn. "We'll take over for a bit. I'm a champion diaper changer, even of the girls." He walked out, letting Calia follow. "Guys, I'm here to help watch you guys." The girls pounced him as soon as he sat down, knocking him over to crawl over him. "Gee, thanks." They giggled.

Chris shook his head. "They miss the play room Uncle Bucky set up to exercise on. They've been sneaking in to play on it."

"We'll see if we can set up a kid version," Tony said. "You could all use some exercise now and then." He settled on the grass to play with them. When Fargo brought them lunch he grinned. "Didn't want to torment the town with the kids?"

"The kids are great but a few of the residents are scared to death that children are contagious and some think they're evil." He smiled. "It's best not to let the kids prove them right or wrong, depending on the day. Dr. Blake's already pointed out the kids were better behaved than most of them. Plus this way they can't beg anyone for candy." He handed over the basket. The boys took it to lay out lunch. "Good job, guys." They grinned at him. "Also, someone wanted to know if Kevin could come play again?"

"I don't mind," Tony said with a slight shrug. "Is he a good kid?"

"He is, he's got special head stuff like Missy," Philip told him.

"He's autistic," Fargo said.

"That's probably how we explained autism to you guys," Tony said then nodded. "That's fine, Fargo. The kids know to play gently with other kids."

"Thanks. Dr. Blake said he had a ball petting Jensen the other day."

"Jensen's on patrol."

"It happens," Fargo said. "He could use more outside time too." He left, going to tell Kevin's therapist that it was fine if he went to play but not to expect Jensen to be there. She agreed it'd be fine and got him ready to go play with the other kids.

Tony looked at the kids. "We know to behave, right? We're guests." They all nodded, Philip handing him some food. "You do that nearly as well as your mommy does," he teased with a smirk.

"Of course. Both my mommies are very good at feeding people." He settled in to eat and hum while wiggling. When Kevin got there, he got handed an apple to eat while they finished lunch. Then they ran around being kids on the lawn. Tony eventually took them back to the park to run around. More area for the squealing to be quieted by. Plus Dawn needed a rest.


In DC, Clint was wincing, holding his stomach. "I hate false labor pains."

Kate Bishop looked at him oddly. "Can she...share?"

"You know we're bound, Kate."

"Point. But she is sharing?"

"*Way* too much," Natasha said. "Labor hurts a lot. False labor is just as annoying." She looked at Clint. "I'll allow her to break your hands while I coach this time."

Clint glared at her. "Gee, thanks. I need my hands, Natasha. She can break one of each of ours."

Natasha nodded. "I suppose that's fair since there's three." Clint smirked at her. "I was not the one that got her pregnant."

"Neither was I," he shot back. Kate and the ones listening choked. "A few Asgardian Goddesses wanted Dawn to carry them." The other Clints with them groaned.

"With the way our minds got stuck together that once, she does share grandly," Natasha complained, shifting in her seat. "Is that a real labor pain?"

"I hope not. Her doc's in New York," Clint said, looking at her. They called Dawn, who shut them out to pay attention while controlling her pain. "Maybe though."

One of the other Natashas cleared her throat. "How did your minds get stuck together?" That Natasha told them all in Russian. She shuddered. "Understood. What is labor like?"

"A lot of pain with a sudden feeling of a stuck shit sliding out," Clint complained. "That was the closest my mind could process it." She laughed at him, shaking her head. "If I had the skills to mimic this...."

Godly Xander showed up, laying a hand on Natasha's head then on the other one's head. Then the third one's head. He got all three Clints too. Then he grinned. "Yup, she's going to stop labor soon though. Roque's mom went to help her stop the labor for a few more weeks until we get home." He disappeared. "If they take off the necklaces for a full day it'll break that link."

"Thanks," Dawn's Clint said. He looked at the other two. Who both shook their heads. "Yeah."

All three Natashas were concentrating but Dawn's labor pains eventually ended. "Oh, my," one said quietly, looking at the other two.

"Labor lasts longer," Clint quipped. "Like hours longer."

They all nodded, settling in to get ready for the next battle. It was an interesting experience that they wouldn't have gotten to have before.

"Hey, Nat, share the books," Clint said. "That way they know to go looking."

She rolled her eyes, but handed over her e-reader. They liked books and it was a good way to kill time. Even if they did giggle over Philip's email that they were in the park to protect Dawn from the squealing the trio of terror were doing to encourage the new ones to come out.


Philip was up that night, wandering like usual. He was watching the people outside. The Uncle Bucky with them was having a headache on the couch. Dawn was in bed and not really able to handle things. Chris had medicine for his sinuses that a bush had made be mean to him earlier. So it was him and possibly Calia among the big kids. Unless he thought really hard at his cousins. But they were on Asgard so they might be okay up there. No bad guys up there. Philip snuck back to Calia's room, waking her. "Guys on the lawn," he hissed in her ear. She nodded, getting up and transferring into her chair. She pulled out weapons. Philip grabbed his daddy's backup bow. He knew how to use it. He may be almost six but he knew how to use one. His mommy and daddy had made sure. He pulled out his mommy's gun too. They snuck forward, Calia pushing him behind her. That was fine. She was bigger.

Calia rolled out onto the front porch, staring at them. "Guys, we can see you. You're kinda pathetic." One came out sneering. She shot him. "Don't expect any Stark to be nice. And remember, I'm a Summers woman too." She shot the others she saw, nodding at the one who groaned as he stumbled forward. "Back up, Sparky." Philip got him with an arrow in the neck. "Nice shot, Philip."

Dawn came out, hair down and flowing behind her. "I'll be fucking damned," she ground out. And suddenly there was light and noise and screaming and begging from the bad guys. She stared at them like they were the pitiful pissants they were. "I'm a force of creation, kids. You don't touch what's mine to protect. If you thought Asgardians were bad, I outdo the *whole* realm. Plus I'm a cranky pregnant woman." One shot at her stomach but Philip hit him with an arrow and Dawn had it shielded. "Calia, take my soon-to-be-yelled-at son inside please. You don't need to witness this." She felt her niece shudder but moved them inside. That other Bucky came out still holding his head. She looked at him, touching a hand to his head. He shuddered, fell down screaming, but all his blocks were gone. "Sorry, Bucky."

He blinked up at her. "Damn you."

"Yup. All me, baby." The sheriff came running. "Hold it." He froze. "They're very sorry." She put her hands down, putting them on her hips. "Aren't we?" One tried to raise a gun so she shot him, killing him. "No, you're not worthy." She walked over him. "I had to zap Bucky's memories fully open. He's probably got the biggest of all headaches. I need to yell at my son for firing on them with his father's bow. And Calia for not waking me."

"I can clean this up. I need you to sit and calm down, Dawn," the sheriff ordered. "Please?" She nodded, going to sit on the porch chair. Jo came running. "Dawn had to protect the kids. I got told it was like there was a sun here."

"No radiation," Dawn quipped. "Just some eating light."

"Sure," he agreed. "Let us clean up their mess, Dawn. I'll get Clay over to watch the kids while you rest."

She smiled. "I'm fine, Sheriff Carter, but thank you."

"You're welcome." He called that in, getting them help. Ambulances showed up to take the dead and dying away before any of the other kids could see it. By then, Clay and Roque were there growling. Jack put a hand on Roque's arm. "The kids didn't wake her first," he said quietly. "Philip apparently had his father's bow according to Dawn."

"I'll go beat his ass myself," Roque promised, stomping up the front porch's few stairs. "You yell at him yet?"

"I'm going to let Clint talk to him." She looked up at him. "I don't know how to talk to him about this without making him panic or hate himself."

"Good idea," Clay said. "We'll get Clint out here. You tell him yet?"

"Um, no, I don't want to tell Natasha that her first born and favorite child just shot two people with his father's bow." She winced, holding her stomach. "By the way, your mom said to come for tea soon, Roque. She helped stop my early labor."

"I can do that. I like my mother." He helped clean up the mess and got their team around the kids for now. The others were showing that they were sleep spelled by his mother so that was a great idea. Why it hadn't worked on Philip they had no idea. Roque pointed at Philip, giving Dawn a look. "It didn't work from protections?"

"Philip's never slept more than three or four hours at a time," she said quietly.

"That's a good reason." He went in to take the weapons from the two big kids, staring at them. "Like hell that'll be needed again," he told them.

Philip smiled, hugging him. "Thank you. Didn't want Mommy to be hurt."

"Sweetheart, it's a mommy's job to protect you," Dawn said patiently. "Just like when we're kidnaped. It's my job, not yours or Calia's." He pouted. "Call your dad and other mom. Talk to them about it." She looked at her niece. "You need a hug?"

"No, I need sense like I did when I paralyzed that one clone by shooting him in the back," she said. "I went back into Summers woman mode."

Dawn nodded. "Yup. You should've woken me so I'm going to beat you to death later."

Calia shrugged. "You're sicker than I am. Roque's mom said to keep your pregnant ass in bed." She rolled off. "Speaking of, I'm going to puke and then go back to bed. We can yell at me after some nightmares."

Clay followed to talk to her. Before Tony got her to yell at. Geniuses had no sense; this genius proved it.


Clint woke up to his phone, which he hated. "What?" he grunted. He sat up, listening. "You did what, Philip?" Natasha flinched awake at the tone of his voice. "We'll talk about that when I get back. I want you to go hug your mother, go back to your bed, and we'll talk in the morning when I get there." He hung up, looking at Natasha. "He was wandering, saw bad guys, got Calia up, and hit two of them with my bow because they didn't wake up Dawn. Calia got a few too."

Natasha winced. "Our son did what?"

"Our son turned into his Mommy Dawn," he said dryly, staring at her. "We need to talk to him in the morning."

"Yes, we do," she agreed. "And spank him." She got up to pull back on her battle uniform. "The flight will give us time to figure out what to tell him before we spank him."

"Yeah, that's a great idea. Let me tell the others."

"We heard," Bucky called. "Have fun with that. I'll reinforce it when we get back home."

"Thank you," Clint called. He and Natasha dressed then *borrowed* a quin jet from SHIELD to make it to Oregon in time for breakfast.

Bucky looked at his Steve, who was shaking his head. "Calia?"

"We've had that talk with her a few times," he admitted quietly. "We'll call her in a few hours, when she's up with nightmares, to talk to her if Tony hasn't." Bucky nodded, laying back down on his bunk. Steve laid there and mentally ranted at his step-daughter. Sometimes she was too much like her biological mom.


Clint walked into the Sheriff's office the next morning, sunglasses on and in his uniform with his bow over his back. He looked like he was really mad. "Where is my son?"

"Hiding with Tony so you guys couldn't hurt Chris when you came to yell at him." Jack looked at him. "A few notes first. Either his aim was off or he aimed for their throats."

"He's got about eighty percent aiming. We taught him while deer hunting on Asgard." Clint stared at him. "How many?"

"Two. Calia got a few as well. Tony's been talking to your son because he had a talk with her earlier when she had nightmares. By her reactions, not the first time?"

"No. We had some clones of bad guys who wanted to take out Dawn or capture her and the kids when Calia was barely out of the infirmary for her injury. She okay?"

"She's fine. Tony's had your son in a park grotto to talk to him most of the night. Whatever Dawn did is making them slowly be eaten. All I know is there was a lot of light and screaming."

"She can be a fierce bitch when she wants to be," Clint said, smiling some. "She does us proud when she has to be."

"She said she didn't know how to talk to him about it without making him hate himself."

"This is his first one. We all talked to Calia after she had to when the clones attacked." He shifted. "I'm still going to paddle my son nearly to death for doing that and not waking his mother."

"Philip said you'd expect him to protect his mom."

"Not that way." Jack smiled. "I'll try to calm down but Natasha's going to paddle him too." He nodded. "We're back for this. Hopefully we're due to go home in about a week and a half. HYDRA or otherwise?"

"HYDRA. There had been fifteen. There's now four, including the two your son got. Apparently the arrows have something on them that protected them."

"That way Dawn can find me even in a blind fit moment so she doesn't get me too," Clint agreed. "Thanks, Jack." He walked off, going to the park with Natasha. "It's a pretty little town."

"It reminds me much of the town near our house in North Dakota," she agreed quietly. "I heard."

He nodded. "Our son needs sense."

"And beaten," she said.

"And beaten," he agreed. They walked into the park. They could hear Philip complaining so headed that way. "Son." Philip stared at them, bursting out crying.

"You can't reason with kids his age like you can Calia," Tony said. "I've been trying. He said he didn't want Dawn or the babies to be hurt by the bad guys."

Clint nodded. "Me either but it's still not right for my very young son to do that instead of an adult," he said, looking at him. "Have we not had the talk about calling 911, son? Or even yelling for us, or Uncle Xander or Uncle Phil, or even Grandma?"

"I'M NOT BAD! I PROTECTED THE MOMMY!" Philip shouted, getting free and running off.

"Philip Ivar Summers, get back here," Natasha ordered. Philip gave her a horrified look. "Now, son." He trudged back, still sniffling. She squatted down, staring at him. "You are not an adult. Why did you think doing my job was right?"

"You fighting other bad guys. Only me and Calia awake."

"Bucky was there."

"Bucky had a headache because they were broadcasting something at him to reactivate the programming," Tony said. "He knew Bucky had a headache and Roque's mom had gotten most everyone else asleep, or it would've been my son and daughter joining him."

"Your mother could have."

"It'd hurt the babies," Philip said firmly. "No hurt my sisters!" He glared at his mommy. "I can help!"

"You're too young to help," Natasha said. "You may not help until you are a teenager."

"Calia help."

"She got yelled at for being too young too," Tony said.

"I still protect the mommy!" Philip insisted, glaring at them. "Me not bad!"

"You only go back to baby talk when you think you're in trouble, son," Clint said, pulling him closer so he could squat down and be on his level. "It is *my* job, or Mommy Natasha's job, or Uncle Tony's job, to protect your Mommy Dawn. Not your job yet. Some day it will be your job. Not right now though."

"I still do good!" He wiggled free and ran off crying.

Clint stood up. "Not sure if I still want to paddle him or not," he admitted.

"Let me," Natasha said, going after him. She found their son crying in the playset, pulling him out to sit with him on a bench. She stared down at him. "It is a parent's job to protect the baby, not the baby's job to protect the mother."

"I'm not a baby!"

"No, you're not, so quit throwing a fit like one," she ordered. He burst out crying again. She looked at Clint, getting a shrug back. They had no idea how to pound this into his head at his age. "You are to let your parents protect you and your sisters."

"Mommy sick!" he said, glaring up at her. "She not supposed to fight."

"While that may be, she can and did have to because they were threatening you and Calia." He burst out in new crying.

"Hey, it's not your fault they came," Clint said, picking him up to look at him. "It's not your fault. They wanted to keep all of you guys like kitty cats. That's why we were fighting them in DC." Philip sniffled, looking at him. "You're still not old enough to use the weapons on your own, son. You know better than that." Philip gave him a pitiful look. "Even if you did protect your mother and sisters, it's not right. That's *my* job. Or Mommy Natasha's job, or even Uncle Clay's job. Not yours. You're too little," he said, staring at him. "If you *ever* do that again without it being an absolute emergency I will paddle you so hard you will *never* sit again."

Philip looked down. "Only us there."

"No, it wasn't just you there. You could have yelled for Uncle Xander or Uncle Phil. They would've helped."

He shook his head. "They busy with you."

"No they weren't. They would have shown up to help you and your sisters. Beyond that, your mommy was in a fight the day you were born. She got into a fight right after Lexi was born."

"Roque's mommy say she not fight!" he said firmly. "She sick!"

"Yeah but things happen that means you have to break a rule or two. That's what being an *adult* means. You're still too young and I won't come see you in the hospital if a bad guy gets you like they got Calia. Am I clear?"

"They hurt me like they hurt her?"

"Yeah, they can!" Clint said, nodding. "That's why we don't want you to do that again!"


"No!" Clint said firmly. "You tell one of us adults and we'll handle it for you so we don't have to see you hurt like she was by a bad guy." Philip sniffled, nodding as he looked down again. "Thank you! Though you're still in for it." He cuddled him, looking at Natasha.

She shrugged. "I have no idea how to get through to him. It took a smart remark from Bucky to get through to Calia when she wounded your brother."

"We destroy bad guys," Philip decided. "Make them all go 'way so no one else get hurts."

Clint looked at him. "I'm pretty sure people pay me to do that," he said sarcastically.

Philip stared at him. "We make something with Calia and Chris to do that."

"No, that's why we're merged with the other realms. One of the other Uncle Tonys did that and it's now the bad guy."

"Oh." He thought about that. "Good guy be bad guy?"

"Sometimes they are," Clint agreed.

"Oh." He pouted. "We still destroy all bad guys. No one else get hurts like Calia did." He nodded at his mommy.

"We try to do that every day, son." She took him back to hold. "We try very hard to make sure no bad people hurt children like you or Calia. Sometimes we need help from your mother Dawn but usually we handle it." She stared at him. "You are too young to do that. You must be nearly an adult, be a fully grown boy, before you can even train to take out bad people."

Philip frowned. "People?"

"Bad people," she corrected.

"Bad guys."

"No, there's some bad girls in the world," Clint said. He sat beside Natasha on the bench. "Sometimes girls turn into bad girls. It takes more than a bad kid thing to do that but an adult bad people ..." He trailed off. "I have no idea how to phrase that so you understand it."

"Sometimes adults are bad people," Natasha told their son. "Sometimes they're good people. Sometimes they're both. You never have to worry about becoming a bad guy that way because we'll make sure you and your sisters won't."

Philip nodded. "I never be bad guy. Mommy get upset."

"Yes she would," Clint agreed. "So would we. The spanking would know no end if you became a villain, son."

Philip nodded. "I never hurt people like Calia got hurt." He huffed, looking at her. "Mommy need you."

"We needed to straighten your tiny ass out first," Clint said. "Before we had to paddle you so long that you'd never sit again." He stared at him, taking off his sunglasses. "I don't care if there's *tons* of bad guys. You get an adult, Philip. Until you are at least sixteen, you run for an adult. Got it?" He nodded, looking down again. "Thank you!" He looked at Natasha, who smiled and patted their son on the head. "Let's go remind the trio of terror that they can't be fashionable terrorists either." He stood up, taking Philip to hold. "C'mon, let's go check on Mommy Dawn and the girls."

"Mommy Dawn supposed to nap," Philip said. "Babies are mean to her."

"They can be, yes," Clint said. "That's because there's three of them."

"Like the terrors?"

"Only inside her belly until they're born," Clint agreed. He and Natasha walked back to their temporary house. Clay met them at the fence. "I feel her meditating," he said dryly.

"She is. She and Calia had a *long* talk before breakfast about all that stuff. Calia went to throw up again then went to think. Then her dad got her." He let them in the gate. Jensen was napping in dragon form while the kids all piled on him to pet and shine him. The trio of terror were cuddling each other with his tail shared between them. "They're all fine after last night. Roque's mom had knocked them all out but Philip went wandering."

"He usually does unless someone's in bed with him," Clint agreed. He looked at Clay. "The night he figured out how to get out of his diaper, he crapped on the floor. I stepped in it on the way to the kitchen for some water." Clay laughed. "That's back when he thought he was a cat." They walked in.

Calia looked at them. "Are you going to yell too?"

Clint stared down at her. "Emergencies happen," he told her. "You still know to call an adult, right?"

"She's in a fragile state."

"So? You can't yell for Xander, Phil, or Roque?" he asked, staring her down.

"I didn't even think about it," she sighed. "Again."

"Hmm. Insert a command line there, niece."

"Yes, Uncle Clint. I am. I'm trying."

"To make us gray and alcoholics," Clint shot back. "Please don't make me drink again."

"No, that'll be having at last four daughters and two sons," she shot back, giving him a look.

He grinned. "Babies are easier than tween and teenagers. Even you're easier to handle than Katie Kate." He walked into the bedroom. "I think we got through to him." Dawn breathed out, then sucked in a breath. "You must have us blocked off, we can't feel that." He put Philip on the bed, moving to rub her stomach while Natasha moved to sit behind her to help support Dawn while she breathed. "Hey, ladies. Calm down in there. It's us and we're back, it'll be okay. Just calm down. It's not time for you to come out yet." Dawn slumped, making him grin. "Are they being butts?"

"A lot of butts and toes. Way too many toes to only be three." He kissed her. She smiled. "You got through to him?"


"We hope," Natasha added. Dawn leaned back to get a kiss. "Why can we not feel this?"

"You were in a battle."

"Not now." He stared at her. She relaxed her shield between them. "Oh, that's not a labor pain, Dawn."

"No, that's them being little butts and toes."

He got her laying down with her head in Natasha's lap while he rubbed her stomach and back. It calmed down the kids and made her relax. "We're here, we've got it. We're guarding you and the kids, plus we should be home soon. Hopefully without drawing too many HYDRA assholes with us."

"Thanks." She took another kiss then looked at Philip, who was sucking on his bottom lip. "You can help Daddy pet them." He grinned, moving in to hum at them while resting his head on her stomach.

"Take off the rest of the illusion, Dawn," Natasha said. She huffed but did that. "Thank you." She touched one kicking lump. "Hmm. Very strong."

"She had better not be a slayer," Dawn said quietly.

"I doubt she will be. She's strong like her nieces. Sucked up some Asgardian health," Clint joked. He looked at the one foot that pushed out enough to tell it was a foot, tapping it. It went back. "Wow."

"Yeah," Dawn said. "It's nearly time, right?"

"Six more weeks," Clint said, staring at her. "For optimum health."

She sighed. "I don't think I can take six more weeks of this kicking."

"We help, Mommy," Philip promised. "Chris and I will help somehow."

"I know you will, Philip." She stroked over his hair. "Remember, you have to tell the mommy things."

He nodded. "I will. I tell you when I have babies too."

"You'd better," she said with a smile. "You'd also better at least be out of college and twenty years old."

He laughed. "That's really old, Mommy." He hugged her and went to talk to Calia and the others.

Clint shook his head, looking at Dawn. "We have an amazing son that I will beat to death if he puts on spandex."

Dawn patted his cheek, grinning at him. "Only if I don't get there first, dear."

"Or me," Natasha said. "I will get him from a distance to knock him out so we can have a good, long rant at our son."

Clint grinned. "I like the way you think, 'Tasha. Maybe my net arrow?"

"Yes, that may do it." She rubbed Dawn's stomach when the kids started to kick again.

They looked up as they were returned to their single realm status, and were taken home by Phil, Xander, and Loki - who did pause long enough to pat her stomach to calm the kids down.


The two remaining Starks just smirked at each other and got back to work.

"Thankfully all the magic went with them," Nathan Stark grumped. "That was too weird even for Eureka."

"All the Xanders hold a yearly convention," one of the Starks said. "I saw our little chaos source after he had went to one. He was bouncy and happy. Plus they show up to help him at times." He grinned at Nathan. "There's worse things than magic."

"Dick tentacles coming out to grab you so you have to have gay sex with their pool is one," the other Tony Stark quipped. "I'm sure their Asgard is *very* happy with that pool."

"They do seem a bit uptight," the first Tony agreed.

Nathan shook his head. "That's still too weird for us."

"Sorry," they said together but grinned at him.


The trio of Xander's were designing weird things that could help the mini Xander. He was seriously in need of a keeper, and a bodyguard that wasn't a SHIELD agent. Though he might hire the SHIELD agent that had helped from the office if he was still around and not HYDRA. The others probably had things to do that were a bit more important than rescuing that Xander. So the twins were designing helpful things for him. Including a GHS-belt. Like a bat belt but more useful for those with hormones who kept getting kidnaped.

"Can I bum some of that new liquid explosive?" younger Xander asked with a grin. "The one that get used on the spiders and things?" The twins shared a look and nodded, packaging some up for him. That, a knife sharpening kit, some herbs to help lower the hormones for a bit. A bit of stuff to raise them in case of emergency need. Weapons hidden nicely by magic.

Ray Vecchio walked in, staring at what they were doing. "Can't we work on a thing to get rid of the hormones?"

Mini Xander smiled at him. "That's called a boyfriend or a keeper and I'm without that basic necessity. They can't build me one of those."

"Thankfully. The Church would be horrified at artificial people," Vecchio said dryly, staring at him. "Aren't there other ways?"

"Bodyguards who like to fuck me?" Xander guessed, looking at the twins, who both nodded. "I don't have those either."

Ray huffed. "We can introduce you to some nice people."

"I've had a few nice people since I've been here." He smiled. "The last one said I wore her out too much. She said she'd stick with the twins together because they were less tiring." Ray gaped. Xander giggled but nodded. "I'm *real* good to my lovers. I need someone to be as nice to me."

"Go see if Kowalski will tip you over," Ray suggested.

"Nah, he likes lawyers." Xander shrugged as he shifted. "You might wanna move. Hi, Goblin Leader Goldhand."

"Xander. How much longer is this realm merge going to happen?"

"Another week," Xander said.

"That's fine then. We were thinking of talking to the ones in our original realm."

"I can see if we can get you into the convention realm so you can sneak over," Xander offered, walking him to the twin's portal. He got him over there, letting him go to their Gringotts to talk to the goblins that ran that branch. When he came back he had signed agreements and a few extra goblins coming to help. Xander was happy because his bank people were happy. Alex Dumass came back with them to help him. He and the twins got down into what was necessary for the mini Xander's safety needs. Yes, a commando team of his own would be really handy but he doubted he could do that without having HYDRA around.

Vecchio walked off shaking his head. Four Xanders was just too many. Especially since they were talking about magical things. Hopefully there was a magical-something-that-made-his-head-hurt that would cure the hormone curse. He stepped over both robotic dogs and Diefenbaker who was over to play with the robotic dogs. Vecchio decided he had a headache and went to his room to rest. Before the hormones got worse and infected him.


In DC, a group of scientists gathered in front of their new head of HYDRA. "We have a way," one said. "It came from the realm merge." They put down the files they had stolen. "This one, who in our world is in Homeland Security but in that one was a shadow-ruler behind some power, created a shot to turn on the hormone condition you're concerned about," the head guy said. He smiled. "He wasn't concerned about turning it off. He simply wanted one of his own made. Which is reasonable considering they're basically like favored concubines according to the information one of the ones in our realm had on his computer."

"Can it be used tactically?" his second-in-command complained as he walked in. "The only one we know about can control his."

"As long as he's having someone wear them out for him," the scientist said with a smile for him. "He can handle normal things. Which means we can use that against them as well. We wanted to do a test with a military unit but we were divided on how to do that."

One of the female scientists grimaced. "Our military is too precious of a resource to use that way. Use some other's military, or something like ISIS. Allah would hate them falling down to screw that way if we do it right. They could take out whole units doing that."

"Can it be used on masses?" the second-in-command asked.

"As far as we can tell, we can create a way to turn it into a mass weapon instead of a single-dose weapon."

"Administered from a distance?" the head of HYDRA asked.

"As far as we can tell, yes," the female said. "We haven't done anything with the information you had us look up yet." She thought it was frivolous but then again they were men. They were ruled by their dicks. The second-in-command stared at her. She stared back. "Yes?"

"You don't look enthused by this plan."

She shook her head. "I'm not. It's simplistic, it's liable to fail because not everyone has the predisposition toward this condition, and who says that they can't work through their hormones? Most men do at least part of their younger years." She crossed her arms over her chest, holding her folders between them. "You managed to get through military training while in your high hormone years. What makes you think that others can't do the same thing? According to the SHIELD files, the one that we *know* has the problem can and has dropped into the mode where he saved himself by destroying things. We could be causing a worse problem."

He nodded. "Which was a concern I had. The one that has the condition?"

"In Chicago with his other selves," she said. "They're twins."

"Did this one's twin die?" he asked.

"No. Not that we can find out. There's something weird, including a birth certificate that has him being about three-years-old thanks to some of the witches in England. They apparently wanted a protector but someone intervened to raise him off-realm. All we know is that some SHIELD agents have talked about meeting other versions of him, but not the ones that he's presently meeting with. The ones there are weapons designers and part of the Council. They served long and hard in Africa, and they solved a lot of problems. They're highly protective of that younger them."

He considered it. "Could we talk that one Xander onto our side?"

"No," she said. "I doubt it. He's picked up on planted people before by the records. SHIELD tried that at first and he told them to come ask him themselves instead of playing games. It's also mentioned he has magic and that during the battle in Manhattan he faced down Loki for a bit to kill time for the Avengers to gather."

The two heads looked at each other then at her. "Who is he presently dating?"

"He's searching. He's had to escape some attempted owners, but otherwise he's given shelter to Coulson, who healed in his house, and Barton, who hid in his house in return for saving him from the owner attempts. He's also somehow got a garden that put out approximately four acres worth of food twice during the clean up after the battle. We know that he's got some robotic nymphs gathering the food as we've had them noted in SHIELD's office brining messages, plus some brought reloads during the battle in Manhattan."

The two heads nodded. "Interesting to note. Could we talk him onto our side?"

"I think he'd probably kill you all first," she said bluntly. "His base personality is a protector. If he had half the training of Rogers, he'd be able to take over the shield. Nick Fury hated him but called him qualified and able to handle things on his own." She shifted her weight. "I believe he'd rather destroy us in any means possible. I think he could probably recruit to help him do that. If we're subtle, perhaps we can have him as a subtle ally but as soon as he found out he'd again try to destroy us. Look at what he did when we were trying to capture all the Starks." She walked over to the computers to pull up that file. She pointed. "He's learned how to use his hormones offensively and still went on to evade a few others." She ran those mentions from Maria Hill's system then looked at her bosses. "We could be making our worst nightmare to mass expose people."

They considered the battle. "Who is that fourth Iron Man?"

"That third Stark's son," another said after looking it up. "The one that had a few children, was in a relationship with Rogers and Potts, and had that one witch as his assistant. There's something weird going on because their Phil Coulson used something like magic during a battle. His mate, he called him such, appeared in a blip of magic or something. Though it was noted somewhere that he was the God Protector of Humanity." They all stared. That one nodded. "Apparently. The Loki from their world actually showed up to *help* SHIELD."

"Interesting," the head of HYDRA said. "They're home?" That scientist nodded. "Did any of ours go as well?"

"We're missing four people," his second-in-command said. "We're fairly certain they got moved during the unmerging. We can't be certain they weren't killed. Also, wasn't there something funny about that commando team that was guarding Eureka?"

"Yes, the Losers," the female said. "The colonel in charge of that unit from that third Stark's world had a lot of hickeys or other mouth-shaped bruises on his throat and neck." The two heads of HYDRA grimaced. "He was seen necking with his second-in-command a few times. Also, it was noted that Corporal Jensen changed forms into a dragon to play with the younger children." They all stared at her. She smiled. "According to their files, his people immigrated to their world a few centuries back due to a war. They also served on Atlantis for a while. Which was where that tentacle plant and pool that had infected Eureka for a while came from."

"Tentacle plant?" the second-in-command asked sarcastically. She pulled up that file. "That is. That's...phallic."

"It pulled things into the pool that had marble phallic outcroppings to help people," she said dryly. "I'm supposing it was meant originally for someone who suffered with the hormone condition in question. Loki supposedly took it with him to Asgard."

The two heads of HYDRA shook their heads. That was just wrong on many levels. Which was why they had to scramble because a similar plant appeared on the table to grab them for fun things. The female scientist screamed and ran from it. Other guards came running in but by then the plant had won against the guns that the heads of HYDRA had. The scientists were unarmed and most hadn't been able to get away. Gunfire did nothing to stop it. It took fire, which meant it killed the ones that the plant had. Pity but HYDRA had more geeks and more people who could take over.

The third-in-command stomped in to see what had happened. The few living tentacles were stomped on and she sneered at things. "Hmm. Interesting." She looked at the files, nodding. "That will probably not work the way they wanted it to. We'll consider that though. Clean this up." The guards got the bodies removed and the plant remains to biology to study. Maybe they could use that somewhere.


Younger, GHS Xander looked up and smiled at the twins, who grinned back but shook their heads. Pity about HYDRA's plans. "Maybe I should go be charming near them," he said. "I might find someone who's only a bit of a shithead I can retrain."

"No," the twins said in unison. "You need someone better than a minion."


"Thank you," they agreed, smiling at him. He grinned back. They finished making the next nymph and activated her, letting that Xander fuss over her and get her dressed. These ones were more like the battle nymphs but they were bodyguarding and special needs nymphs. Helpers for those who needed a service animal but couldn't because they were allergic. It was a great thing for them to work on.


When the worlds split again, Loki was in agony from the power rushing through him. He was on a special chair on the edge of the Rainbow Bridge, looking over the chaos that this had caused, but yet cured. When Gaia walked over to him holding the Fate's shears, he nearly begged to be released. She smiled at him. "Thank you, Loki. You have been of great service," she said. "Remember, chaos is not all bad, and anger is one of the fundamental forces of the universe. If I hadn't been angry at my spouse, I wouldn't have created the world the way it was."

She smiled as she cut the strings to him. "One more," she said, making him lean forward to get the one attached to his back. "There." She smoothed down his sweaty hair. "You have been an excellent helper." She smiled and handed over some cookies. "Here, dear. Some special cookies that I haven't gotten to make in years. After all, none of my people need the ambrosia cookies." She smiled as she disappeared. Chaos had been one of her children, and her husband. She was more than fond of that force of creation.

Loki sat there, relaxing. He pulled out a cookie to look at then shrugged and ate it, feeling the new power going through him. "That wasn't *so* terrible," he decided, getting up to hide his special cookies, and himself, from Odin.


When the two realms unmerged, each of the Starks made sure they had the virus they needed, and all the information they needed. The Xanders were all cuddled together but the one could get home through the convention realm with his Frodo puppy. Nifa was still on Clint's shoulder when they reappeared, in the middle of the woods since that realm didn't have a Eureka. Stark was back at his tower. He started the virus as soon as they landed, they both had. He also started a search for HYDRA. Xander walked in and handed over a box of chocolates with a smile. The GHS Xander's Tony Stark smirked at him. "Nice, kid."

"You're welcome." He grinned. "It was great and I gave them great ideas. Should I go home to beat the HYDRA guys? And is my usual contact one of them?"

"That I don't know. You might have to ask Barton. I let the others deal with HYDRA while I dealt with my mistake."

"Okay. As long as it won't hurt my puppy or the nymphs." He strolled off, going to SHIELD's remains. He got let inside, being escorted up to the main office. He stared at Agent Hill. "Is my usual contact one of *them*?"

She looked it up, shaking her head. "No. He shot two of them that were trying to get into your house though." She looked at him. "You know not to get in the way of battles."

"Sure, next time I won't solve the problem," he said dryly, staring at her. "I'm just like the twins only they design weapons and I use a forge to make swords." He shrugged. "It helped. I was bored anyway." He grinned. "I thought about taking a few minions to protect myself so you guys can have Clint back if you need him."

"That would be up to Stark, not us. SHIELD is presently down."

Xander nodded. "Sure it is," he said dryly, smirking at the guys staring at him. "Hi, guys." One pulled a gun. Xander stabbed him. "No, you're not the sort of minion I need. Sorry!" He waved and grinned at him. Then he looked at her. "Do they still have the plans for that hormone bomb here?"

"I think we destroyed all that."

"If not, let me know and I'll get more information packets and things ready. Am I going home to a mess?"

"No. Coulson protected your house, Harris."

"Cool!" He grinned. "Have a better day, Hill." He walked off, going back home. Phil was panting on the couch but the nymphs were helping him. He came over to work on the stitching that Phil needed thanks to the new hole in his thigh. "Did you have a bad merging?" he quipped.

Phil shook his head. "Natasha made me pay for not telling her first."

"Ah." He nodded, finishing up. "There you go. You can still bum the room if you want. Or Clint if he wants. I'm not sure how we're doing things so let me know?"

"I can work on your protections and tell you how it's going to go," he promised. "Call your editor." Xander went to his desk to do that while Phil played with the two dogs. The robotic dogs were really nice to him. "What did you and the twins get up to?"

"We made special needs nymphs recently." He grinned. "For those who need helper animals but can't have them because they're allergic."

"That's very handy," Phil agreed. "I hadn't thought of that use." Xander beamed. "What else did you do?"

"We clubbed a few times."

"I heard," Phil said dryly, staring at him.

"Twice without incident."

"Out of how many times?"

"Five. That's a great average for me."

"It is," Phil agreed, sighing at the end. "What else did you do?"

"We made me a GHS belt." He showed him off the invisible helper belt he was wearing. "It's hidden, has all sorts of helpful things, and makes me feel much more secure."

"I'm sure it does. Does it have weapons?"

"Yup. And a knife sharpening kit."

"Very handy," Phil agreed. Xander came over to show him all the things in it. Phil was amused but Xander might need the gemstones, the explosives, or the lockpicking kit. It was a very Xander thing to have.

"We gave HYDRA a tentacle plant like had been in that pool," Xander said with a grin. "It helped take down a few of their higher ups."

"I heard. It was a very unique plan, Xander." He patted him on the arm. "But a good one." Xander grinned, going to call his editor this time. He hadn't quite dialed it all last time. Phil relaxed, waiting on his people to check in. Clint would be back soon, he'd have to pack. Bobbi was somewhere doing something. Natasha was somewhere hurting someone. Xander's usual contact in SHIELD, Agent Crill, stepped in, getting nodded at. Xander was in the kitchen humming while he fussed over food. He and Andrew had exchanged recipes. Crill came in to sit down. "You good?" Phil asked him.

"I'm fine. I know I'm clear but I've heard rumors about another GHS?"

"Someone told HYDRA about me," Xander called. "They were going to use it on people they wanted to control." He shot him a grin. "Then one woman realized that men can fight through hormones and it's stupid to do that. So maybe they've stopped."

"I can only hope so," Crill said, looking at Coulson. "Fury's back." Phil nodded. "He's in a full blown rage."

"He does have a temper," Phil agreed. "Did things get fixed during the merge?"

"Mostly. We're still down a lot of agents."

"I'm healing again," Phil said with a point at his thigh.

Clint stomped in, slamming the door behind him. "Sorry. Xander, are you all right?"

"I'm good, Clint." He grinned. "Did Stark tell you to move in over there?"

"No. Rogers tried to. I told him we needed to guard you before it became the running theme of the universe." He flopped down. "So we've got room in the tower but we're not all moving in right now. I'll bounce between the two."

"That's fine. I nearly picked up a few of the bad guys as minions if you needed me to."

Clint stared at him. "Hell no they're not worthy of being your minions!" Phil nodded he agreed, grimacing some. Clint looked at him.

"I agree, they're not worthy of minion status if they're HYDRA. They might try some sneaky plans to get him on their side. Then he'd have to destroy them for real." Clint grinned and nodded.

Xander came out with plates for them, dropping a kiss on Phil's hair. "I can do that and be really mean while I did, but I'm supposed to be a good boy and laying low instead of letting out the evil. Or asking Lavelle to help me let out the evil." He went back to get his own plate, coming out to eat. "Get your own drinks, people." They went to do that, then came back to eat lunch. Xander was a really good cook.


In the twin's world, the remaining HYDRA people were looking at their decimated forces. They had lost some to the unmerging and had lost a lot to SHIELD, and the Losers teams. Clearly they had underestimated things. Including that one Xander. They wouldn't make the same mistake of any Council people, especially not the twin Xanders. Though they might like to get Andrew Wells on their side. That very thought made their computers die in a flash of noise and light worthy of a disco on LSD.

The remaining top HYDRA people all huffed but started to clean things up so they could rebuild. Maybe that GHS bomb would be of better help now. They could dose a few to get people on their side by giving them a concubine that needed sex. They could dose people they wanted out of the way then discredit their medical needs for sex. Americans were still so puritanical about sex that it would ruin a few politicians in their way. Maybe even Captain America if they got lucky enough.

That idea triggered a bomb that blew up most of the rest of HYDRA. The Bucky Barnes that Dawn had helped heal sneered at the rubble. "I don't think you're a good idea anymore." He walked off. He had to get things straight in his head. Then he had to find Steve, the man on the bridge, to deal with him.


Up on Asgard on Chaos GHS Xander's realm, a male voice screamed as he was dragged into a certain pool by the tentacles. Not even his wife was going to be able to save him this time. Loki, who was watching from a distance, burst out laughing. "I knew they'd like the stress relief," Loki quipped, eating another special cookie. Watching all of Valhalla get...unstressed was quite amusing and no one could say he had done it since he had been in that chair on the Rainbow Bridge. He watched as Thor tried to save his father, but he had to run from the tentacles too. Pity his girlfriend couldn't save him because she was back on Midgard. Or any of those other heros. each of their own series.
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