Note: After Deadpool 2
A Short In the Treasure Hunting Uni.
Weasel looked at Deadpool and nodded at the new guy that was hanging out at the bar. Then he gave someone a pointed look. Wade winced but nodded back.
"None of my replacement parts are my eyes," Cable complained. "What?"
Wade turned around, staring at him. "There's a group we should introduce you to but we're not sure if it'll piss you off or not," Weasel said, handing him another bottle of beer.
Cable opened it, sipping it. "Which one?"
"The slayers," Wade said. Cable choked. "Knew about them from the future?" He nodded while he choked. "Vanessa mentored a few of the girls. The local house sometimes comes in here to hang out somewhere safe and I like to jump into local battles."
Cable stared at him. "There's been a lot of things noted about the slayers, and their helpers."
"Yeah, Xander," Weasel said with a grin. "He's a standup guy who'll cap you in the nuts if you look at the girls wrong. Or the local minis."
"Or Penny's kid," one of the other mercs in the bar quipped. "He got Justin with his axe but only thumped him instead of cutting his knees off for glaring at the kid for cooing while he had a hangover." He slammed back his shot and waved the glass while he forced himself to swallow. Weasel mixed him another and took the money for it.
Cable stared at Wade. "So you know the Knight of Chaos?" he demanded.
Wade grinned. "Xander would be *so* happy at that name." He felt tiny arms going around him and looked. "Bethy?"
"I'm running away from the stupid. My mom's dating an idiot." She grinned up at him and kissed him on the cheek. "We heard about Vanessa and we all got really sad, Wade," she said quietly, staring up at him. "She was like a sister to most of us and we all had ice cream in her honor to mourn her since you didn't have a funeral." She kissed him on the cheek again. "If you need girlish cuddles to mourn, you come to us. Even Xander said you could come sit on the couch and mope so the girls could ignore homework to make you feel better."
"Thanks, kiddo." He cuddled her. "Should I go talk to your mom?"
"No. I was heading to whine at Auntie Wanda about the idiot Mom's dating but she's not at the tower right now. Some huge bruhaha somewhere in Florida," she said dryly. "So I'm breaking my path to take a break while heading to the slayer house. Though I did tell Xander I was here so he wouldn't throw a *huge* fit. Because, yeah, fits will be thrown anyway." She grinned at Weasel.
"Do not even ask," he warned her with a grin. "I know you're like eleven."
"Do we have lemonade?" she asked with a sweet grin.
"That I can probably do." She dug into her pocket and pulled out a dollar, handing it over for her glass of lemonade. "Should I get Xander to come pick you up?"
"Nah. I just wanted to avoid whoever it was that followed me from the tower." She shrugged and climbed up onto a stool between the two guys. She looked at the other one. I don't know you. I'm mini slayer Bethy." She held out a hand. "My daddy's a mutant."
Cable nodded and shook her hand. "I'm Cable."
"Oooooh, Xander had a vision about you but said you weren't evil. So kinda weird. Usually he only sees battles." She looked at Wade. "Then he said something about you and the guy he was going to stuff a crocodile up the butt of for being an asshole to the minis and Kara?"
"Juggernaut," he told her.
She frowned. "Why in the hell?" she demanded. Wade gave her a pointed look. "I can swear! My mom's not here." She grinned and sipped her drink, kicking her feet some. "So anyway." She looked at Cable. "So, since you're sticking around for a while should I have Xander pencil you in for sparring with the big slayers? They could use more sparring partners who have skills and aren't flirty. I mean, they could use flirting but I don't expect you to be the flirty kind since you're kind of growly."
"I don't want to flirt with anyone. I have a wife in the future."
She took another sip, head tipped to the side. "If you're from the future, can you tell me if I have to save my dad from doing something too Xander like? I'd hate to lose his speedy butt anytime soon."
"I have no idea. I didn't keep track of that stuff."
"Huh. Do you know about Xander?"
"Yeah, there were things written about the slayers and him." She grinned and kicked her feet again. "Not always nice."
"No, Xander will kick some booty if people bother us girls. He will *so* kick asses if people bother us." She took another drink and looked at the guy looming over her. "I went to find Auntie Wanda but she's out handling something huge."
Xander nodded. "She told me when the guards at the tower told her you had shown up and then walked off."
"I came in to rest on the way to the slayer house and because I thought someone was following me." She sipped her lemonade. "Did you get to meet Cable yet? I know you had a vision about him."
Xander nodded at him. "Hey." He looked at Bethy again. "You're *so* underage to be in here, Bethy. Like by eight years."
"Seven," she defended.
He stared at her. "Ya think?"
"Ooooh." She finished her glass of lemonade and put the glass on the bar. "Thank you, Mr. Weasel. You made nice lemonade." She hugged Wade again. "You come to sulk with us. We're good at helping you feel better and I'll even try to keep the big girls from dragging you shoe shopping with them like they used to so it doesn't bring up bad memories of being Bearpool." She hopped down and Xander pointed. She sighed. "Night, all!" she called with a wave. "We'll be back in three days for Bruno's first birthday!"
"I think we're having that at the park," Xander said patiently. "Unless it rains a lot." He followed her with a sigh. "Thanks for not picking on her, guys."
"She doesn't like her mom's boyfriend," Wade called.
"I heard. Her boyfriend's not only normal but a douche nozzle of enema standards." He got her out to the cab and took her back to the slayer house.
Cable looked confused. "The reports on him made him look like a minor god of war. That was really Xander Harris?"
"Yeah," Weasel said with a grin. "It was. He's like that a lot of the time. He's very much a big brother sort to the slayers until something happens." An explosion went off outside. "I'm not prophetic," he said. "Someone go see who that was?" he called.
A few people came in shaking their heads. "It was HYDRA," one called. "They ran into a minor SHIELD agent sort."
"That's good. Harris was just here," Wade called. "Slayer Bethy showed up to break her path from running away from her mom's idiot new boyfriend."
"We spotted metal finding guy," another of them said with a grin. "He's good to the girls."
Weasel looked at Cable. "Usually, Xander's a nice, goofy guy. He lets the older girls come in here because it's safe for them usually. We've only seen him in a really bad mood twice. Once because of Rosenburg. The other thanks to the coven doing something stupidly horrible."
"I missed that one," Wade said.
Weasel smirked at him. "The coven changed Bruno into a girl for a few minutes because they wanted more slayers in the future. Then sent out visions that they'd be making sure there were future slayers by having some of the current ones knocked up against their wills. Xander came in after...fixing that problem with the coven." Wade shuddered, shrinking in on himself. "Yeah. He brought in Tara. She was the ultimate sweet, nice girl sort. Had part of a lite beer while they told us about the coven doing that stupid stuff then she went to calm down someone."
"Shit," Wade said. "Huh. I know he said that Tara helped save him when Egypt had captured him to torture him by sending food since she couldn't free him or the others they had." He sipped his drink. "Does that mean Bruno's got slayer stuff?" Weasel nodded. "I'll have to teach the kid swords. Maybe he'll inherit the special Asgardian axe."
"Could be." Cable was shaking his head quickly so he got him another bottle of beer. "I haven't seen the kid since she came in when he had colic and wouldn't sleep for four days so she couldn't sleep for four days. It's nice he liked you enough to coo at you instead of screaming his head off, Wade."
"He was cute," Wade agreed. "But I'm really happy he's not mine. Mine wouldn't have been that loud."
"Oh, please!" Weasel complained but grinned at him. "Yours would've been so loud even Blind Al would've been able to spot him from across a block." Wade hit him on the arm but huffed in happiness.
Phones all over the bar went off. Wade looked at his and swore as he pulled his hood up over his head. "Yup, that's a great thing. Anyone else coming to this party? I could use a ride. My usual one is at his brother's wedding or something."
Cable took Wade's phone to look at and groaned. "Yeah, we can go help." He finished that beer and stomped off. "How far from here is that?"
"Sixteen blocks," Wade said, following him with a few of the other mercs who liked to flirt with the slayers. He ran into Domino outside. "Your luck gift has come in handy again," he quipped. "Slayer battle."
"Hmm. Some of them are cute and I might flirt," she said. She jogged off, getting a cab for them.
Xander looked over as a loud gun went off. "They need to be killed by silver or dismembered," he called. The mercs changed bullets. Wade jumped in with his swords. Cable turned up his gun. Domino strolled forward shooting at some of the non-demons. Xander grinned at her. "Hey. Xander Harris."
She waved with a grin. "Domino. My gift is luck."
"Well, Luck is a happy lady usually," he quipped with a grin for her. "Guard my puppies please?" He pointed. "They're younger and barely patrol cleared. The demon attacked them on the way to the movies."
She nodded. "I can do that." She went to help those younger slayers. "Hi, ladies." They grinned at her.
Xander ducked at the feeling of energy moving past him. "Thanks, TNW!"
"Welcome. Is Colossus here?"
"Date night," he called back. "He and Kara are somewhere in Queens having a special dinner since she just graduated in all but ceremony."
"Cool. Oh, this is the girlfriend."
Xander grinned at her and waved. "You're much cuter than the last one she flirted with."
"Hi, Yukio," Wade said in a cutesy voice.
Xander threw a rock at him. "Don't pick on her! Yukio is probably a strong woman who can kick both our asses. TNW needs a girl like that, and one who might like to cuddle. Lesbian girls like to cuddle. Or so Tara said."
TNW blushed but nodded with a grin. "Yeah, cuddles are great."
Xander grinned and pointed. "Your battle team, my ladies of X?" They jogged over to help that group of slayers. Xander got back into the battle with a sigh. Finally he got tired of whacking at demons so he pulled his wand and cursed most of them. A few more well placed curses and the slayers finally won. "Well, that worked." He put his wand up and looked at the ladies. "We all good or do I need to call a healer?" he called.
"We're mostly good," TNW called. "A few cuts they're admitting to."
"A few cuts here too," Domino called, holding her arm. "Damn that was stupid."
Wade nodded. "Many of them are." A large demon came stomping over and he looked at him. "Wow. Um, Xander?"
Xander looked then sighed and pulled up his axe, attacking it.
"You're not a slayer. Let us do that!" one of the younger ones yelled.
"Shut up and don't distract him," everyone else on the field yelled at her. Xander shot someone a grin but got a punch for it. So he cut the guy's gut open and let it spill out, making the demon freak out and scream as he tried to beat Xander to death for it. Xander's axe clipped the guy's loincloth-like armor piece and it fell into the guts.
"Wow, I feel tiny," Wade complained. An arrow came out of the back line and hit the demon on the forehead, exploding a minute later. "Thanks, Barton!" he called with a wave and not having to look.
"Welcome," a female voice called back.
"Training time this week," Xander yelled. "You can't go on patrol with the girls until you prove to me you can handle it, Bishop."
"Yup. I can do that. Just pick a day and summon me," she quipped before running off.
Xander looked at Wade. "She's the female Hawkeye."
Wade's eye twitched. "Seriously? He's got a female mini-me?"
"Yeah!" He grimaced. "That sucks! Not even Batman got one that soon!"
Xander shrugged but grinned. "Some day you can turn into me if you want."
"No thanks. I like swords more than axes." The demon tried to get up so Xander beheaded it. "We done?"
"I hope so. I've got to go do some counseling on the mini slayer." He walked off using his t-shirt to clean off his special axe. "Thanks, people. Slayers, go home!" He pointed with a waved hand. "To the slayer mobile, girls." They ran for it before someone nagged them. They had all noticed officers and reporters showing up. "Thanks, people. Fade?" He looked over. "Ladies, ride?" he called.
"Yeah, we can use a ride," TNW said, walking off with her girlfriend. They had to share a seat but she wasn't against cuddling and being sat on. The other girls all chatted at them and got to know Yukio. Though one of them was braiding some of her hair to break her stress.
Wade looked around. "Yeah, we need to go too, people." He looked at Domino. "We were at Weasel's job."
"Coming," she agreed, following him and Cable back to the bar. The officers let them go and only a few gave them odd looks but oh well.
Cable looked at them in the cab. "Is that normal?"
"For our local, minor battles? Yeah," Domino said with a nod and a grin. "Often." Wade nodded he agreed.
"Colossus mentors some of the girls since he's dating one of the slayers," Wade said. "They're gooingly sweet together but they're cute."
"They're the sort of couple that makes you believe in young love," Domino said with a grin. "The only problem is that Piotr's last girlfriend is back in town."
Wade winced and hissed. "Wow. I hope it's okay."
The cabby looked back at them. "You guys mutants?"
Wade shrugged. "No, I just dress up as one." The cabby grimaced but let them out at the bar and took off before they could do more than pay him.
Weasel looked up as they came in. "The local news got great shots of all of you but they said it was nice that the girls had help."
Cable shook his head. "That was not how I'm used to battles going." He sat down.
"The slayers can be bouncy," Wade agreed. He sat down and accepted his drink. Domino smiled at Weasel, who grinned back and gave her a drink too. She nodded and went to play some poker with some of the guys in there. "The slayers are girls first and always and then slayers behind that. We made sure that the Council had changed a lot and Harris made sure it changed forever. The girls are supposed to be girls. They go to school, they go to summer camps, they have lessons if they want to, and they get to date as long as they're not shitbags. He will stop any assholes who try to date the slayers." A few of the guys in hearing nodded at that. "Including some of them." Two of the guys nodded harder.
"At least no one thought about metal things during the battle," Weasel quipped.
Wade groaned but nodded. "I did that once about my reloads. He turned and glared at me then told me they were in the car."
Weasel grinned at Cable. "Harris has a small metal finding affinity. Wade learned not to set it off by accident, or on purpose."
"Yeah, I became Bearpool for a month," Wade complained. "Blood did not come out of that suit." He shook his head quickly. Vanessa had laughed *so* hard about that.
Weasel leaned on the bar, staring at him. "Xander could use more playing time. His ex's haven't even shown up in two months. The guy's got to be desperate."
"If only I liked dick," Deadpool shot back with a smirk.
"Go clubbing with the guy? He'll take all the crazy ones from you. Him going clubbing with the girls is only to hunt."
"Yeah, maybe." He finished his drink. "Thanks, Weasel. Later, Cable. I'm going to nap on Blind Al's couch."
"Sure, man." He clapped him on the arm. "Go have fun with that."
"She'd complain if I had that sort of fun." He went walking off, thinking about not thinking about Vanessa.
Cable shook his head. "It's something he'll eventually calm down with," he said quietly. "Grief sucks."
"Yes it does," Weasel agreed. He grinned at him. "If you wanted to work out with the slayers, Xander probably wouldn't mind too much. He's not supposed to be sparring right now thanks to nearly breaking his arm late last month."
"I'll consider that. Let me know if they need backed up for battles." He finished his drink and got up to go to his present hideout.
Weasel sent Xander a text message about that stuff. Xander could handle emo things better than most guys thanks to being surrounded by girls all the time.
A young woman walked up to the blind, elderly lady a few days later. "Al?" The woman turned toward her voice. "Here, let me carry. I'm super strong for a reason, ma'am."
"Who're you? I don't recognize the voice."
"I'm Slayer Mercy. Wade's one of our helpers for battles and picking on for guy things." She took her arm. "I wanted to check to see how he was doing. We heard about Vanessa but he didn't hold a funeral for her so we couldn't help him then. We wanted to come to our remembrance later tonight but I'm not sure if it'd hurt him more."
Al frowned. "The boy said he helped some of you girls."
She grinned. "He does. He does really good too. Better than I do with swords. And we used to lean on Vanessa for older woman advice and stuff like shoe advice. She was really great to us."
Al patted her on the arm. "He might appreciate that, dear."
"I'd hope so but we don't want to seem pushy. I know if someone had tried to get me to talk about my mom when the Bringers killed her I would've probably lashed out."
"He's more lashing internally."
"Then we girls can definitely help with that. C'mon, I can help you around the market. Being super strong and great at shopping is a slayer's lot in life," she said with a chipper voice.
Al snorted. "You girls got other problems to handle."
"Yes but today's a pretty day and they're all hiding from the sun." Mercy walked her off. "There's a fruit stand in front of us on the right and an herbalist on the left."
"I shop here a lot."
"That's cool. We don't do much shopping for anything but clothes and books. I'm not on the grocery shopping detail because I have no idea about food beyond tasting it." Al snorted but looked amused. "Some day I'll have to learn but Xander cooks."
"The boy could use some help."
"Yeah but he'd fuss over other things if someone took over cooking on him." They paused while Al sniffed something. "They have lemons on sale and limes are a dollar each? Wow, way more expensive than I'd expect."
"This is good fruit," Al said, sniffing a few more. The guy at the booth took her selections to ring up. Al paid but Mercy put a hand on hers. "Mercy."
"That's a fifty," Mercy said. "And he overcharged you by two bucks." She looked at him. Then smiled. "I saw your hand on the scale, dude. It's wrong to cheat blind ladies." He growled but reweighed it and Mercy helped by picking out smaller bills. They walked on, Mercy taking her to a demon's stall. "Here, sniff this. It's got almost no taste until you cook it and nearly burn it but then it turns like sweeter bamboo shoots." Al sniffed it and hummed, feeling it. The demon smiled at her. "This is Al," she introduced. "The one who runs the stand has a sister that runs our favorite pawn shop to go to for knives."
"That's sweet," Al said, paying for one of those. She'd try anything once. Mercy kept escorting her around and making sure no one cheated her this time. It was sweet of the kid. When she got home, Mercy yelped and pounced so Wade must still be on her couch. Al went to put things up, smiling at the babbling young thing. She sounded nice.
Wade groaned, covering Mercy's mouth. "You talk more than I do."
She moved the hand, staring at him. "We're doing our yearly remembrance tonight if you wanted to come," she said quietly. "We don't want to make it worse, but tonight we mourn all our families that got taken out by the Bringers and those who fell to them."
Wade groaned but hugged her. "I'll consider it."
"We don't want to make it hurt more, Wade. I remember when my mom died I would've had a fit."
"Nah. I might show up. Where?"
"The memorial wall. We'll have a feed to the grotto in Cleveland's center that has our memorial obelisk."
He nodded. "Thanks, Mercy."
"You're welcome." She smiled at him. "Then we're having ice cream afterwards. Because we're girls and mostly aren't old enough to drink." He laughed, nodding. "But if you need to talk about Vanessa, just come to us. We thought she was like a big sister sort. Who else would give us advice on shoes and boys and bras?"
He hugged her again. "Thanks, kiddo."
"You're welcome. Just let us know if you need something. It's our slow season starting next month." He laughed but nodded. She kissed him on the cheek. "Too much makeup, dude. Use the stuff that comes with the spray painter air brush system. It's a thinner coat but covers zits better. Xander got us all one to share because it's better makeup and doesn't look as obvious." She got up. "Let me go lingerie shopping. Fancy panties don't really last that long in the club. Someone broke my last pair yesterday while I was hunting." She skipped out.
"They're sweet girls," Al called.
"Yeah, they are. Vanessa loved most of the local slayers like little sisters." He looked at her. "You look weird."
"Nah. She helped me through the market and made sure no one fudged the weight of vegetables, plus introduced me to a few demons who ran booths."
"That's cool. A few of them are great and have really nice stuff." He curled up some. "They're sweet girls."
"They don't want to impose but they know that grieving alone leads to bad things happening. Most of them have grieved at least someone."
"Yeah, most of them had families or watchers they lost thanks to the Bringers. Plus other slayers." He sighed. "They're great young women."
"A girl that others could look up to."
"Yeah." He grimaced but let it clear up. "What weird things did you get this time?"
"I got a few things I haven't even heard of before but she told me how they fix it. Well, how Xander fixes it since the girls don't cook."
"Xander said he didn't want food poisoning again," he said dryly. "But he does teach the girls the basics. That way they don't have to live on takeout." Al came out to sit down next to him. He sighed. "They're good girls."
"They got a shitty destiny problem though."
"Yeah. They handle it better than I could." She patted him on the head. "I'd look horrible in slayer skirts too. Much too short for my legs." She snorted, sipping her coffee.
A Short In the Treasure Hunting Uni.