Not That Sort of Friends.
Xander found the battle by accident. He really did. Then again, he found many things by accident that no one should be able to just happen into. A cult of pygmies that worshiped a mystical gorilla that was possessed came to mind. Xander watched the battle then shook his head and pulled out a weapon to fire on the idiot bad guys. "I've dated worse than your boss is," he yelled when everyone stared at his location. "Go the fuck home, people. Before I get tired of it and go date him to ruin your whole organization." He stepped into view. "Now please." The head bad guy moaned and ran toward him. "Oh, hey, Jacques." He let the bad guy kiss him. "Shoo. I need to talk to my bro."
"But, Xander," he moaned. "Please?"
"I just saw Georgie again."
"Then you probably need to commiserate. Dinner?"
"He's busy," a male voice called and shot him with an arrow.
Xander wiped the blood off him then grinned up. "Hi, Clint." He'd sulk about his former lover being seriously injured later.
"I ran into Georgie."
"Am I going to have to hear someone else bitch about you and gun tag? And who won?"
"She did. Well, we tied until she traumatized the same plebe SHIELD agent for the second time when he tried to arrest us as we snuck off." He shrugged and grinned. "I came to see if you wanted lunch."
"I can do that after we clean up."
"Sure." Xander looked at the bad guys, grinning and waving a bit. "Hi, I'm Xander Harris. I'm with the Council. Watch me summon something to eat you all." They all whined. "Really. Two seconds, guys. My attention span is *not* that great." They tried to flee but got caught. Xander shrugged and grinned at Natasha, who huffed and shook her head. "Awww, come on, you know you're dangerous enough for me."
"Yes, but I have more sanity, Xander."
"Pity. Maybe someday?"
"Perhaps if I lose sense."
Agent Hill and the rest of the SHIELD team responding to the battle showed up. Hill sneered as she stomped over. "Harris, why were you and your demented ex-girlfriend playing gun tag around the SHIELD base?" she demanded.
"She picked the obstacle course. I didn't even expect to run into her, Agent Hill. I came up to talk to Clint because I'm lonely and he knows some really nice people." He grinned. "Though I still say it sucks that we almost got stopped twice."
"You traumatized junior agents!" she said firmly and loudly. So what if people were staring. This guy drove her insane in ways that not even a long vacation to an asylum would cure. There were not enough drugs in the universe for her to deal with Xander Harris.
"They tried to butt in. Though she won because she ended up traumatizing hers twice."
"How many grazes?" Natasha asked. It was almost habit each time she ran into Xander. Or Xander and Clint hanging out. It was a horribly bad habit that she couldn't seem to give up no matter how much she'd like to.
"Two each. We only had forty-fives. Not like when we had laser tag that time."
"You two had real lasers?" Natasha asked dryly.
"Was that in Pisa?" Clint asked as he slid down his grappling line.
"Um... Not the one she's thinking of but that was the other time we had lasers for laser tag, yeah." He grinned and gave him a guy-hug with back slaps. "So, Agent Hill, I'm happy to tell you that Giles is on his 'oh Dear Lord Janus' vacation of the year so you get to deal with me for the upcoming problem." He smiled. "I'm sure you'll do fine backing up the slayers."
"Why me?" she muttered, glancing up. She stared at him. "We can retrieve Mr. Giles, Xander."
"You go right ahead, and while you're drying him out, we have a battle next week in Germany." He smiled. "We've got six girls going because it's not supposed to be too huge. I've got the others nearby on standby and the witches to bring them to us. Oh, and there'll be a slight problem here in the city because there's a poker tournament." He could see her muttering about God giving her strength and why couldn't the Avengers have a different handler, or even getting Coulson back from the dead. Xander grinned. "I can ask someone for you."
"Don't you dare," Hill warned, glaring at him. "Germany's plans?" Xander pulled out his PDA, which was older and Tony Stark shuddered when he spotted it, but sent it to her phone. She looked them over. "Compact as your usual ones, Harris. Fine, we'll have teams be on alert over there."
Xander walked over to point. "He's human so therefore not the slayers' problem. He's a chaos sorcerer."
She just nodded, making that note. "I'll have someone look him up later. Thank you for the warning. Poker tournament?" Xander grinned and nodded. "Kitten poker?"
"Slave poker this time. One of the bigger warlords among the demon warrior clans died so they're playing to see who takes his place and his possessions."
She rubbed her forehead for a second then made herself stop when she realized what she was doing. "We can stop that."
"Sure, if you want to have an open war instead," he said dryly. "Faith talked them out of Gladiatoring it for a winner take all war."
"We can watch the poker games then," Agent Hill decided. She stared at him. "Can you go home now?"
"I'm hoping my email buddy can introduce me to someone nice since Georgie says she has to go back to Russia tonight."
"Georgina?" Natasha guessed, looking over at him.
"She just changed it again to Georgette but yup." He smiled. "She's an ex I still really like."
"Mostly because she's not in jail," Clint quipped with a smirk for him.
"That too but she's fun to play with. Very squealy at the right moment."
"I do not need to know," Hill said firmly, then sighed and calmed herself down again. "Go home, Harris."
"This is my home. I'm now in charge of the North American office since Giles is going to be setting back up the UK office and heading it. He's feeling old and hating American stuff again. Apparently there's no good tea makers that he can find in Cleveland."
"He's British," Clint told Steve when he stiffened. He looked at Xander. "I've been briefed on a few and I was going to see if you had already dated them." He walked him off. "Subs?"
"Or whatever. You know I'm not picky after eating all that stuff in Africa and Asia."
"Good." He took him to his favorite deli before Xander told him about eating scarab beetles again. Or worse, monkey parts.
Agent Hill took a calming breath and looked at Agent Romanoff. "We could assign you....."
"If you should try, I'll retire," she said bluntly.
"Fine. Find someone *sane*?"
"He prefers his lovers to be dangerous," Natasha said dryly then shrugged. "It's not my doing."
"Fine. Whatever." She walked off. "Clean this mess up, people. Let's get everyone out of the open." The SHIELD agents hurried up. It was clear Agent Hill was now having a bad day.
"Who was that?" Steve Rogers asked. "I've never heard of him."
"That is Xander Harris. He's the head trainer and armory master at the Watchers Council," Stark said as he landed, putting up his faceplate. "He's a bit enthusiastic about things."
"Including weapons and weapons dealers," Natasha said dryly. "He's listed on SHIELD's top ten dangerous people list, Captain. Though he's not evil like most of them, and he's probably dated most of the others."
"What's the Watchers Council?" Steve asked.
"We'll explain it at home," Stark said. "I'll pull up videos for you." They got taken home and he did a great profile on Harris. Harris was a bit...strong when you first met him.
"He reminds me of this guy I met in the war," Steve said. "Named Jack."
"He does," Natasha agreed. "I know him as well. He's still an asshole." She settled on the couch, pulling up Xander's SHIELD profile. It was mostly empty. "I see Rosenburg got into their files again," she said dryly, finding an older copy in the backups. He read them over, frowning a lot. "He's on the same side we are, he's just...unique."
"Why does he like Clint? Did they date?"
"I'm not sure," Stark admitted. He looked at Natasha.
"Not that I've known," she said. "I know we've both run into him on assignments as he was dating our target. He and Clint talked about one of them and Xander helped us get that one away from his kidnaping friends so we could capture him. I'm told he still writes Xander letters from prison."
"So, vampires, magic, all that's real?" Steve asked. They both nodded. "Why haven't we known this?"
"It was hidden very hard," Tony said. "The old Council used to take out people that found out or stepped into their girl's duty. Then they got blown up and the former Sunnydale team took over the Council to rebuild it. Now they're a lot better."
Natasha nodded. "They no longer take in children to program. Now they have families and training with them and afterward. It's a lot better for the girls." Clint came off the elevator. "Xander had to go?"
"Georgie wanted goodbye sex. She said she's heading to St. Petersburg. So probably Moscow." He sat down and pulled up his own personal files, letting Steve read them. Steve had to blink at many things.
"Live ammo gun tag," Steve said finally. "Why?"
"Georgie's like that and Xander is the sort of guy who gives his dates whatever they want within reason. He refused to help one steal something but helped her stretch first after some great sex. She had to call off that night because she fell asleep in the cab on the way over. She made Xander go somewhere else for a few days so she could pull it but the owner was back unexpectedly from Mexico so she got arrested. Of course, she told the drug lord about Xander while they waited. He was interested but Xander had to take him down because he hates drug lords."
Steve shook his head, moaning some. "God bless him because he clearly needs it," he muttered.
"I think he just needs a girl or boyfriend who can keep up with him," Natasha said dryly. "His never seem to be able to. No one else's lovers seem so willing to share so they're not as worn out as Xander makes them."
Clint looked at her. "I asked him about that once." He pulled up a file. "That was his almost fiancee. He left her at the altar after her former coworkers showed how miserable they'd be." Natasha shuddered. "Thor might've known her. We should ask the next time he's down." Steve was staring at the file, mouth slightly open. Finally his jaw clicked shut and he licked his lips. "Anya, when she was alive, was a go all night sort."
"I heard that she used to complain about not getting enough sex," Tony said. "I'm shocked he had the stamina for it after patrol and working all day."
"Anya only wanted the orgasms, Stark. She complained about not getting at least six a night. After a few weeks, that got cut down. So yes, Xander has incredible stamina. His present lovers all think it's too much."
"So he was working all day, had a few hours of patrol, and then met her needs?" Natasha asked, looking amused. Clint grinned and nodded. "That's insane."
"He said it helped him a lot when he went to Africa and had a lot of non-sleeping time while training the slayers there. Then he came home, got treated like shit by the girls, and went to Asia instead. Then South America." She shivered. "Yeah, he's the one that took down Paulo Resata. Dumbass weapons dealer tried to kidnap him instead of dating him." She shook her head with a moan. Clint started to go on but she held up a hand. Clint grinned at her. "Heard about that?"
"I was supposed to be taking him out when news came up that he had fallen down his stairs in a fit because he couldn't have the one he wanted."
"The ones that Xander still likes are pretty cool with him and the girls but if they parted on bad terms or something like that, then they tend to have very bad luck," Clint said. "A few of the ex's I've talked to think that Anya put a curse on his dick."
"You got that close and didn't deal with them?" she asked, tipping her head slightly to look down at him.
"For about six months, Fury had me following Xander. I arrested them after they quit dating. Fury asked why so I showed him video of Xander pouting after I burst in to arrest one while they were having sex. Fury decided I'm warped and the kid's really warped."
She nodded. "Yes, he is. We may be able to cure you yet."
He smirked. "The same sort of dangerous women like me, Nat. Mine are just good girls too."
She huffed. "Not likely."
Stark grinned at her. "How long has he been hitting on you?"
"Each and every time we run into each other, even if I'm on assignment." She shook her head. "Though it did help me with a few. It only busted my cover once and he nicely helped me remove them from the obstacle they were becoming."
"Was that Freidrick?" Clint asked. She nodded. "They were on the outs anyway. Xander found out that he was selling biological weapons to a group near one of his slayers. You know he'll kill over his girls."
"I find that admirable, especially with what they're destined to do," she said. "I find Xander to be a bit grating and a bit bouncy."
"Yeah, sex cures that," Clint said dryly. "I've run into him being bouncy right before a huge problem and helped him call one of his ex's for a night of less stress. The next morning, all focused and ready to jump into battle. His lover had to remind him to eat, and Xander hadn't really gotten to sleep yet, but it went well and he only got a few injuries."
"So he's the shadow version of you?" Stark joked. "Should we get him a uniform?"
"I asked Fury about recruiting him once," Clint said smugly.
"Was that when he had to be rushed to the infirmary for his blood pressure?" Natasha asked. Clint grinned and nodded. "He would do it to me too." She got comfortable. "Germany?"
"He said it's a summoning bad guy."
"Hmm." She nodded. "Interesting. Are we going to be helping?"
"I don't know," Clint admitted.
"Okay." She changed files. "This is the head slayer." Steve read it over, slowly shaking his head. "She has an admirable record."
"I met her at an event. She has a great bullshit shield acting like an airhead," Stark said. "Totally confused a bunch of people there. Including some military people and a few senators. The president laughed about it."
Steve looked down at him. "Why?"
"Because it helps with her cover," Clint said. "If the things they fight know too much about the slayers then they're vulnerable. Plus it gets her underestimated. She gives me a headache every time we meet with her airhead act."
Natasha nodded. "Me too." She pulled up the others he should learn about. "I can't find one."
"Dawn's is locked under penalty of people killing whoever reads it," Clint reminded her. "Rosenburg cursed her file so anytime an agent read it he died."
"I forgot about that." Stark was shaking his head and sipping his water. "Dawn is Buffy's younger sister. She's a bit...perky."
"Her sister tried so hard to protect her to the point where Dawn would never date," Clint agreed. "Xander helped her though. The whole upper Council fights like family at times, and sometimes it gets to a shouting and punching match." Stark nodded he'd seen one of those. "Usually started by Buffy and Willow."
"I thought it was nice that Xander finally shot back at them," Stark said. "He let them go on for almost an hour. I don't see how anyone can be nagged that long but he eventually said something to them and they both shrieked then tried to hit him so he decked Buffy and then looked down and said 'see what the normal guy can do' before stomping off. Probably to find a sympathetic bad girl."
"Or bad guy," Natasha said. Stark smirked at her. "He is bisexual."
"He told me he wasn't sure he was until he got kidnaped by one," Clint said dryly. "Then they had to talk about it because Xander would've killed him and the guy *really* wanted Xander." She just rolled her eyes. "So they worked it out. Even when he was having to strip to fix his car during his roadtrip, he didn't even think to try that."
Steve looked at him. "Why?"
"It was a job that paid better than fast food," Clint said. "His car exploded."
"Oh." He went back to reading. "Is... She's kinda scary."
"Yes, she is," Stark agreed. "And brain warping." Bruce came out of the elevator back to himself. "We're getting Cap up to date on the Council."
"I thought I saw Xander. He walked up to me once when I was battling some idiot supposed rebels and gave the Hulk a hug then thanked him for protecting his slayer. Then he turned and shot the rebels in non-fatal ways."
Clint snickered, nodding. "Sounds like Xander," Natasha agreed. "He said he's not afraid of much anymore. Except kraken and jellyfish for some reason."
"They like him," Clint told her. "There was a kraken in a portal in Africa. His slayer had to fight for over an hour to get him free of it and it *really* liked him." She shuddered. "When I asked him about what happened so we could do a report, he called up an ex, said he needed cuddles, and went to where they were to get them."
"I think I would have them as well. Kraken ... did it try to eat him?"
"No," Clint said.
He nodded. "Yup."
"Poor man." Steve shuddered but went back to his reading. She highlighted a section. "That's a side-group that they have helping but they're in England. No matter how much the British hate them they're still in Devon."
"I heard Fury nearly managed to have Rosenburg banished over there permanently," Stark said. He finished his water and threw out the bottle.
"I know a lot of people who are scared of Willow Rosenburg," Bruce said. "Especially when she's trying to be cute." He sat down. "She tries very hard to be a normal, cute lesbian girlfriend. She was dating one of the slayers for a while."
"Kennedy died," Natasha said.
"At least Willow didn't try to end the world over Kennedy," Clint told her.
"She did?" Stark and Bruce demanded. Clint nodded. "Why?" they asked in unison.
"Magic addiction. She had just gotten back with her when she was killed next to her." He shifted to curl up some. "I can understand that grief. She didn't have another way to express it. So she sucked up black magic and went to pull up a shrine to a Goddess that would destroy everyone to make them feel like her. Xander stopped her." Stark slumped, staring at him, mouth open. "It'd be like you losing Pepper right after getting back together with her, Stark."
He swallowed. "I can see that grief. I wouldn't try to destroy others."
"You learned how to cope with liquor. Rosenburg never learned how to cope for all that her parents are shrinks."
"I thought they might be related," Banner said dryly. "Is she better?" Clint nodded. "Good!"
"She's mostly got a lid on her magic addiction but there's been a few fights over it," Natasha said more quietly. "They have it under control and give her useful places to use it."
Steve cleared his throat. "There's no AA for that, right?"
"That's the purpose of the Devon coven," Clint said. He grinned at him. "She's better, Cap."
"That's good." He went back to reading. He felt sorry for the kids. "No way to free the girls from that calling?" They all shook their heads. "Damn. Poor girls. They're just kids."
"They have to be adults to go on patrol or assignment unless there's an apocalypse battle," Stark said quietly. "Xander and Buffy made sure of it. She was called at fifteen." Steve shuddered. "They make sure the girls get a life. Xander's stomped a few of the old Council that was left over that. Nearly went to jail for it but the cops decided he was defending the toddler they were trying to kidnap."
Clint nodded. "He got a few in Africa too. He bribed his way out of three of them." Steve swallowed but nodded at that. "Xander's very much a do what's gotta be done guy, Cap. He's a good guy. He's a bit goofy but he's a good guy. He's just seen way too much darkness."
"I think it's nice we no longer track him to see which member of which watch list he's dating," Natasha said. "Didn't that end after the triplets?"
Clint considered it then nodded. "Or the one after them."
"Triplets? That's enterprising," Bruce said sarcastically.
"Triplet arms dealers and assassins," Clint said with a smirk for him. "They taught Xander all sorts of new weapons and how to make better bombs, plus homemade canister grenades."
"I heard the agent that was following him around had a slight breakdown," Natasha added. "Especially when the director asked if he was asking to be reassigned because he wanted Harris for himself."
"I heard he went on religious retreat and came back determined to be more right with God and the good side," Clint said with a smirk for her. "That it was showing he had slipped off the light's side. He's dating a slayer."
"That's nice. The girls could use more understanding boyfriends."
Stark shook his head with a groan. "I'm glad I'm not the sort he likes." He stood up to get another bottle of water. "Steve, Bruce?"
"Please," Bruce said.
Steve got his own beer and sat back down to finish reading over the files they had pulled up for him. Everyone stared at him. "This is going places even fairytales don't go. It's a bit...creepy."
"It can be but it's gotta be handled," Clint said. His phone rang so he looked at it then answered it. "What's up, Xander?"
"Please get out of my files before the virus they attached to it happens," the voice said from the phone. "Because there's agents here who think I somehow run a terrorist organization due to inheriting it. I've never even heard I inherited anything. Dude, then someone should've told me," he complained loudly. "Not like I heard a *thing* about inheriting anything! And don't most of those groups have a chain of command or something?"
"Are you at SHIELD?" Clint asked.
"No, I'm with the FBI. Somehow they think that the slayers are female-centered terrorists too. Don't make me call in an emergency code please?"
"Coming," Clint said. He hung up as he stood up and strolled off. In the elevator he called Hill. "Did you sic the FBI on Harris? They think he's inherited a terrorist network and the slayers are part of it." He listened to her complain but said she'd look into it. "He called from in there." He hung up and got a cab. Thankfully he had a tracker on Xander. He had the code for his lifesign monitor too. Just in case. Xander trusted him not to use it for fun or profit - or to track who he was sleeping with to arrest them. He got to that building and walked in, flashing his SHIELD ID. The receptionist spluttered. Clint shrugged and kept going, finding the room he was in. He walked in and looked at them. "If you did that injury to his jaw you're in deep shit."
"Who're you?" one demanded.
"Agent Barton with SHIELD." He held up his ID. He pulled over the phone on the table, calling someone. "Hill?"
"That file was started by an overzealous rookie agent," she said dryly.
"Who is that?" one of them sneered.
"I'm the Executive Officer of SHIELD, boys. I'm Senior Agent Hill." She cleared her throat. "Research said that the agent has a brother that's attracted to Xander but they haven't met and he's trying to prevent his brother from going bad."
"Great," Clint said. "Want me to call in the emergency code?"
"That's going to blow that," Xander said. "I had to last year when I ran into a slight apocalypse battle. He was not pleased."
"He'd be less pleased to have the Slayers on his doorstep," Clint said. "Hill?"
"Do it." She hung up.
He dialed a number from Xander's phone, one he had stolen. "Sir, Agent Barton for Xander."
"What now? New battle?"
"Somehow the FBI believes that the slayers are terrorists. I caught them trying to interrogate Harris by pain." One of them tried to hit him so he slammed them into the wall. "I'm a SHIELD agent, kid. I can fuck you up legally." He let him go. "Sir?"
"Boys," the president said. "Leave the Council the fuck alone." One was choking. "New York, Barton?"
"Yes, sir. Sub-basement level 3. Room 2 by the sign on the door."
"Stay with him. If Xander has to fight back, so be it." He hung up.
"We won't let you sully the US any longer," one sneered and tried to hit Clint. Who punched him back. It turned into a brawl.
Ten minutes later an older man cleared his throat from the doorway. "Boys." Xander looked at him from having an agent in a headlock. His good eye was now starting to bruise and it looked like his nose was broken. Clint was in a similarly bad shape. "Let the nice agents go, boys. Then go." They dropped the agents they had been beating and walked past him. "Harris, the next battle?"
"As far as we know, Germany in a week. You'll have some problems with a local poker tournament for someone's position but it was that or an all out war."
"We like poker. We can help SHIELD monitor it." He looked at his agents. "Let's talk, boys." He walked in and shut the door once Xander and Clint were in the hallway.
Clint looked at Xander. "It's going to bruise the bad one too," he said. They heard a gunshot and Clint looked then hit a 911 code on his phone. Within minutes SHIELD had invaded the FBI building and down to their location. "Gunshots," he reported, getting Xander out of the way. "No one's come out or screamed. One then a pause then two more."
The response team burst in and took down the agent that had shot the local assistant director and others. "He made me do it!" the agent shrieked. "It's some sort of spell or something!"
"I can't do magic," Xander called.
The head of the response team looked at him. "Thankfully. Go get cleaned up, boys." Xander nodded, letting Clint lead him off. "No wonder Hill's having an aneurysm, Harris does it to her every time," he muttered once those two were gone.
His second looked over. "Think she's fighting off her lust for him?" he joked with a grin.
"Nah. She's dangerous enough but not evil enough." They shared a smirk and got people down to clean up this problem.
Clint walked Xander off the elevator back at Avengers tower. "I invited him to dinner," he announced.
"That's fine," Stark said. He looked at them. "I didn't know a missing eye could be blackened but I guess that makes sense."
Xander hugged him. "I like you too, Stark. That's why I took out the demon pretending to be a researcher last week so it quit trying to suck off the giant arc reactor out there."
"Thanks." Xander let him go. "Huge problems?"
"Dumbass rookies who decided the world will fit their viewpoint and shot the assistant director right after we walked out," Clint said. "The president said to hit them back."
"You talked to the president?" Steve asked.
Xander nodded. "I have an emergency call-in code in case of huge problems. I wouldn't have called for me but they were threatening the slayers and the girls would destroy them, and we'd possibly have demons in DC calling in their markers to make peace with them."
"Again?" Tony joked with a grin.
"Yup. They were kinda panicking hard after the LA invasion. Thankfully I was in Africa since Buffy didn't call me back." He looked at Natasha. "Who's the Waverly Group?" She knew smart, underground groups like that instead of individuals more often than Clint did.
She considered it. "The law firm?" He nodded. "They tend to do less than legal people's estates and trusts. Why?"
"Because the agents said that they raided them and found that I had inherited things that I know nothing about. That's why they supposedly pulled me in."
"Interesting." She called in. "Hill, Harris said the Waverly group got raided and that's why the FBI came after him." She listened, making notes on the files they found. "Very interesting. Please." She hung up. "They'll get the files to look over."
"We know part of it was an agent that wanted his brother to not want Xander," Clint said, taking an ice pack from Bruce. "Xander, ice pack?"
Clint looked at him. "Take it anyway? Please?" He sighed but did that with a nod of thanks to Bruce. "Thanks. Most normal guys sit down and rest when they have bruised and broken things like ribs and noses. Unlike you who asked if I wanted to spar."
Natasha looked at Xander. "Are you suicidal?"
"No. You never get a chance to rest up long enough. There's always another problem or another hunt right when you'd like a nap. So if I don't show I need a nap or healing time, they won't come right when I don't want them to. It's worked for me for years."
She nodded. "We handle that in New York so you don't have to." Xander grinned. "No hugging, Xander."
"Thank you." She went to help with dinner. Bruce nicely knocked Xander out from behind. "Nice."
"He clearly needs a rest."
"No, he's usually like that," Clint said.
"Have you two...." Stark asked, making swishy motions between them with his hand.
"He's like a younger brother, Stark."
"You are a lot alike," he agreed. Bruce and Steve put Xander in the recliner to curl up and nap. "This law firm?"
"They hold running away trusts for many covert agents as well," Natasha said. "I used to have one with them before I joined SHIELD."
Clint nodded. "Mine too. SHIELD hates them." He looked them up on his phone. "They have a local office. We can go ask."
Natasha looked at him. "You are injured. No you will not." He grinned at her. "Before I knock you out as well." She pointed with the knife she was using to chop onions.
"Now I see why Xander likes you so much," he teased back.
"Maybe it's a concussion," Bruce joked.
"Nah, no hitting on the head. A few bruises on my stomach but not more than that and a black eye, Doc."
"That's fine. Go rest anyway, Clint." He walked off shaking his head. Xander was nicely curled up and mumbling in his sleep but it was cute. Clint took video of it to show his next decent enough bad girlfriend or boyfriend so they'd want to coo over Xander for longer. It might cure his bounciness.
Natasha was dressed in her SHIELD uniform the next morning. It was no use hiding who she was. These people already knew her and so did most everyone else in New York. She had on her nicer gun harness and had taken the time to make sure her gun was nicely clean. Xander was in jeans and a loose t-shirt. She would have nagged but Xander was not her boyfriend and she didn't think he owned anything but jeans and t-shirts. She walked him into the law firm's office, smirking slightly when he opened the door for her. "Thank you."
"Welcome." Xander looked at the confused looking receptionist. "I'm Xander Harris and the FBI said that you guys have files with my name in them for inheritance purposes. No one's ever told me a thing."
"I can see if one of the associates can look that up for you, Mr. Harris," she said, calling that back. One of the senior partners came out.
Xander stared at him, hand hovering by his back holster. "Hi."
"Okay, just making sure." He shook his hand. "The FBI said I inherited stuff but no one's ever told me."
"You have." He looked at the charming woman next to him. "Is she your second-in-command?"
"She's here because she understands stuff I don't, like business stuff and law stuff. I've never even dated a lawyer."
The senior partner smiled. "That's always a wise thing. Come to my office, Mr. Harris. I have to have the file sent to me from our office in Brazil."
"Toddy or Rebecca?" he asked as they followed.
"Both, and a few others. We consolidated. We thought you were down there."
"I'm in and out of most places but I'm about to take over the US's main Council house."
"That's wonderful. I'm sure the slayers will do excellent under your command as usual." He pointed at some chairs and sat in his to email those people. Four files and a lock box appeared on his desk a few minutes later. "Where's...." A wrapped bundle fell with another two files. "I do not know about them." He glanced at them and sent them an email. Another three appeared from another office. "I did not realize we had so many. I thought we had consolidated."
Xander frowned. "Is someone going around to kill my ex's?" That many files of inheritances with him named was probably a bad sign and that was the most likely reason he could think up.
"Perhaps," he admitted. "Some of the ones that like you are like that." One last file and a small bundle appeared. "All right, that seems to be it." He pulled out the ones he knew first. That question got sent to the other offices. They could see if he was right. He looked over at the bing, nodding. "Yes, there is one. A wannabe Black Widow?" He looked at her.
"I have not heard about any copycats. If you have information I would like to talk to them."
"If we have it, Agent Romanoff." He smiled and went back to the files. Xander was giving it all funny looks. "It could be worse. None of it has taxes pending on it."
"That's good but Giles is going to stay on his Oh Dear Janus vacation. Even though he introduced me to two of them." He texted him quickly then put his phone up. "So he knows that his former fraternity brothers are gone." The lawyer almost smiled at that. "What am I going to do with all this?"
"They're presently merging together to form a new paranormal and paramilitary organization to back up the slayers," he said.
Xander smiled. "I like that idea. Who's organizing them?"
"I like her," he admitted. He blinked a few times. "So what do I need to do?"
"I'll inform her that you're now aware so she can meet you."
Xander looked at Natasha. "If you want to retire from SHIELD, you can help me with this."
She patted him on the wrist. "I would murder you, Xander. Horribly."
"Okay." He went back to it while the lawyer tried not to laugh. "I let the scary ones have their own things. It makes me a smart semi-boyfriend sort to them. This one won't date me." She pinched him. The lawyer did laugh. Xander kept going, nodding at what was in there. "What's theirs that I don't have to push into them?"
The lawyer nicely drew out a chart for him. "Here, these are the wills that have nothing to do with it so far. These ones are being coordinated into it. These ones are already involved."
Xander nodded slowly. "So I now help fund an international paramilitary group that deals with the big shit in the world?"
"I thought that was SHIELD's job," Natasha said dryly.
Xander grinned at her. "You can still join."
"Xander. Focus." He nodded, grinning at the lawyer, who smirked back. She was taking notes mentally for her report. Fury was on enforced vacation thanks to SHIELD medical. This might just get him back into the open. "We should talk to them, make sure that they're not doing things that would upset the slayer's reputation," she told him.
Xander nodded. "That might be a good idea. How are they funding themselves?"
"Basically at the moment they're selling off the weapons they don't think they'll need."
"Leave Peter's self destruct if they can. That's my plan for a last ditch, have to close the hellmouth and we all die moment." He made that note to someone's email. "Thanks." He looked it over then looked at the lawyer. "Who do I need to see beyond Paulette?"
"She'll bring them with her. She's already promised to be in New York tomorrow, Mr. Harris."
"Cool. I can get a room at a nice hotel."
Natasha looked at him. "I believe we want you under better supervision in case something happens. Clint has a couch."
"Yeah but he's not into me either," he said dryly, looking at her. "We're buddies and I'm not going to impose. Apparently I can afford a hotel room. A swanky one even."
She nodded. "He or I still need to be there." He grinned. "Mind out of the gutter, Xander."
"Fine." He looked at the lawyer. "My phone number's changed." He wrote it down and took the chart and files. "What're those?"
"Those are specific bequeaths from a few different wills. The lockbox I'm not sure." He let Xander unwrap them. Xander stared at the few things. "Those are beautiful and if you need to liquidate them we can do that." Natasha took the lockbox to pick open. "We have the key, Agent Romanoff."
"I'm checking for explosives. Some of his ex's are like that." She looked. "That's a file."
Xander looked at it. "On the guy who was trying to make super soldiers again. He had no idea that I'm infertile or why. Good to know." He grinned. "Thank you."
"You're quite welcome. Think of us when you need to make your own plans." He smiled and shook his hand.
"They're out in LA with Gunn. He might not mind." The lawyer smiled and they drew up an agreement then Xander called Gunn to let him know. That meant one less thing he had to worry about so he agreed it was fine. Though Gunn thought they were mundane lawyers. They shook hands and Xander left with Natasha and all his new stuff to go over.
Xander walked off the elevator alone, carrying a large reusable shopping bag. "Here, Clint, I got you and Natasha some vodka." He handed over the bottle from the bag. "Natasha said she'd be back after she told Hill. Apparently my ex's banded together to form a nice group to back up the slayers."
Clint looked at the bottle of expensive vodka then at Xander. "Is this a bribe so I don't kill anyone?"
"Paulette's coming to explain things to me tomorrow and Natasha said wherever I end up tonight one of you has to sit with me so no one kidnaps me." He grinned. He pulled out the chart to show him.
Clint looked at it, then handed Stark the bottle. "Open that for me? My hands are full." That bottle was definitely a bribe not to kill any of Xander's ex's. Though it looked like someone was already doing that with all the names listed. He sat Xander down to look that over. "Damn."
"Natasha joked about thinking that was SHIELD's job."
Clint looked at him, nodding some. "Yeah, a bit. She's reporting to Hill?" Xander nodded, taking the bottle of vodka back for Clint then the glass for him with a single ice cube. Clint poured it full and gulped a few sips before going back to it. He took the bag to get into the files. "Is there someone killing your ex's?"
"Yes. He'll send us the files on them when they have them. I've texted all the ones I can think of that are free."
Clint looked at him, taking another drink. "We'll warn SHIELD's jail too. We have a lot of them." He sent that text to Hill. She'd understand soon enough if she didn't already. Clint was really happy with the vodka because Xander was now warping him, and usually he was immune to it.
"I told Natasha she could help me run it if she wanted to retire from SHIELD. You know you can help, right?" Xander asked with a grin.
"I'll keep that in mind as a fallback." He gave him a look. "Be less happy." Xander showed him the file from the lockbox. "Huh. Congrats on being infertile. Who is this moron and why is he trying to breed better soldiers?"
"I don't know. I'm just happy it didn't work."
Clint nodded. "Me too." He was happy it wasn't his either. Stark took that from him. "Sure, you tell us where he went wrong."
"My DNA is screwy," Xander reminded him.
"Good point." Clint went back to the files and the vodka. This was so, so bad.
Agent Maria Hill looked up as Natasha paused in the office doorway. "Why did I get a message from your partner to warn our jail that someone's taking out Harris' former lovers?"
"Because many of them have left him things thanks to that." She handed over the notes she had made in the cab.
Hill looked at it then looked up that group. "We know almost nothing on them outside the selling of weapons."
"They're selling off the spares to set themselves up."
Hill looked at her. "Dismantle it."
"The slayers could use the help."
"We have SHIELD for that."
"That's what I said but he did make a good case that sometimes we can't work in the same shadows they do. We have to answer to people above us."
Hill blinked a few times then nodded slowly. "While true, still dangerous."
"He's allowing Barton and myself to help him. One of his ex's will be in tomorrow to explain things to him."
"If you can, arrest her."
"I cannot and it would be counterproductive at this time."
"Pity. Fine. Open a file and deal with it. I've called the prison's warden to let him know. How many?"
"Sixteen files overall." Hill winced. "Three in the last two days in Central America."
"Great. Now I need to join the director on his vacation."
She smirked slightly. "Xander also has plans in case it's an end-game battle. One to sacrifice play the hellmouth that's open."
"I need to see those," she said.
"I'll see if we can talk him out of them." She stood up. "Xander bought Clint vodka for letting him have the couch." She left.
Hill rubbed her forehead. Fury had two more weeks on enforced vacation. She had to handle it for that long and then it'd be his headache, and possibly a stroke.
Paulette breezed into the hotel room Clint had chosen for this meeting. Natasha was seated at the small desk checking her email. Clint was on the couch with Xander. Neither one had gotten up when she had picked the lock. "Awww," she said with a happy smile. Xander hopped up to hug and kiss her. "Xander, baby." She looked at him. "No one told you?"
"No. No one told me a thing."
"I emailed you."
"Ah. That explains it."
"Hmm. Well, you know I'll spank Willow for you, dear." She looked at the two agents. "I brought you a present too. Your director was ignoring medical orders from what I heard. He's tied up in the rented warehouse." She handed over the slip. "That way that mean little bitch Hill can step back to try to run things behind him as she sees is proper." She smiled at Xander. "Let's go over things."
"Okay." He showed her the chart. She made notes on it and let him see her power point presentation. Xander was nicely impressed and she could tell she'd be pounced soon. Which was always a great thing. Some of the new upper minions had offered to work for sleeping with Xander hours.
Halfway through, Xander's phone rang. "What?" he asked. "Tell the little bitch that she's not in charge for me, Beth, please. Yeah and she also didn't tell me that I had inherited from some of my former lovers. Apparently she's hacking again. So can you stop her? What needs to be fixed. Giant....slayer eating plant." He rubbed his now aching head. "Okay. Call the coven.... they can't? Well, plant spray?"
"Lye," Natasha said. "Mixed with salt and bleach. Watch out for fumes and spray it on the roots."
Xander repeated that. "Agent Romanoff said so. Sure, I can be there to beat her. No, I'm talking to Paulette about the inheritances Willow didn't let me know I have when she hacked my email. Where's Buffy?" He blinked a few times. "Why is she in Bermuda?" The slayer told him. "Hmm. Are you the only non-magicked one? Because if so, go dump Willow down at the demon bar. They can eat the excess magic and free everyone else. Before I have to ask Dawn to do it, Beth." She gave that order and then how to kill the plant.
"She can join us," Paulette said with a smirk, teasing Xander's thigh.
He looked at her. "You can't kill her. We might need her."
"That's fine. We can train her to be a better backup to the slayers." She grinned. "I'll send someone to help with the plant if that spray doesn't work. We have people in town to help you and the girls." She sent that message. "They'll pick up Willow from the demon bar once the girls are all free."
He smiled. "Thanks, Paulette. That's better than I could do. I was going to paddle her. Buffy's in Bermuda getting some bikini time for some reason. No one's sure why." He heard Beth say something. "Well, that's charming," he said dryly. "Does Dawn know?" He nodded once. "That's a good thing to make her calm down. Yes, she needs a lawyer. Also, Giles' name is on her college fund, not Buffy's. Joyce knew that Buffy could easily die any day."
He leaned forward to rub his forehead. "I'll beat Buffy too. Thanks, Beth. Anything else I have to handle? Probably in a few days. I'm in New York. Thanks." He hung up and called Buffy. "Bitch, did you think your sister didn't need her college fund? And that your name's not on it? Like she can sue you for that?" Buffy hung up on him. "Fine." He took Paulette's phone since she had dialed. "Hi, my name is Xander Harris and I had custody of a young woman who was orphaned. Her older sister is down there thanks to stealing her sister's trust fund for college.
"Buffy Summers. Yes, the slayer. I'm trying really hard not to fly down there and beat her for doing this to her sister. No, her sister's in a rage and you might have a hurricane that only has *one* victim." He listened. "I can fill out that form and have Dawn herself send down a copy. Thank you." He hung up and texted that at Dawn, who said she'd do that and Giles hadn't realized he had signed them over to Buffy but by some of the forms in his inbox he had. Xander sighed, rubbing his forehead. "I'm going to kill Buffy. I really am. She needs to go back to Heaven."
Paulette rubbed his back. "We'll handle it, Xander. You know we will." He looked at her. She called some of her people to pick up Buffy to put her into custody for the police, to help Dawn, and to shift the money back that Buffy had stolen. She smiled. "See, we're good at helping."
He hugged her. "You're great at helping me. I would've went down there to kill the bitch."
"I know. Not that we don't want to do it for you." He laughed. She cuddled him. Clint nodded at the bedroom so she took him in there to help him calm down.
"I wonder if Dawn could create a single victim tornado or hurricane. It might come in handy," Natasha said quietly.
Clint smirked at her. "It might. We can ask when she's calmer. I don't want to give her any ideas. Fury?"
"I told Hill. She's thanking God." They shared a look and went back to killing time and handling things while Xander finished calming down, and had some sex. A lot of noisy sex. Natasha had to blush at some of the noises Paulette was making but Clint just shrugged it off when she glanced at him so apparently Xander was usually like that with his women.
Agent Hill led the way into the warehouse, finding a single chair with a single person tied to it. "Sir."
"Go stop Harris," he ordered. "He's creating a monster to take out."
"He didn't know until the day before yesterday. The FBI agents that tried to arrest him on specious charges told him he had inherited something from some former lovers. I have Barton and Romanoff helping him deal with it today." She looked at him. "So far we've had news that they're helping with some slayer embezzlement before Dawn Summers loses her temper and they're going to be taking Rosenburg into custody before she finishes driving Harris over the edge to evil overlord." She untied him. He glared at her. "It could be a lot worse, sir. He could be actively working against us. Right now we're on the same side and Romanoff is helping him fix things so they stay on the same side as the slayers."
Fury snorted. "Damn little bastard."
"He bought them a fifth of vodka last night for helping him." She walked out in her usual spot just slightly behind him. He did not look well. "Sir, should we visit Medical on the way to your office?"
"Don't you dare," he ordered, climbing into the SUV. "I don't need the help from the voodoo patrol." She climbed in to drive, smiling slightly. "How bad has it spread?"
"There's apparently a person who wants Xander all to themselves so they're killing his ex's. They've gotten two in our prisons." Fury winced. She checked his pulse, getting hit for it. "That's fine, sir, but you're not allowed to be that sick because I don't want your desk for the foreseeable future." She drove him to an ER instead of SHIELD's base medical. Fury could order their medical teams. He could not order around an ER's people. The nurse that checked him in was highly unimpressed with him and asked which gang he belonged to. Fury's near heart attack from ranting at her got him seen faster.
Stark looked up as his video conferencing system activated. "Hey, Rhodey. What's up?"
"There's chatter wondering if you're aligned to this new overlord guy Harris."
"Xander Harris?" he asked dryly. "Some of his ex's set it up and left it to him."
Rhodey stared at him. "The asshole from the Council?"
"The one that took my boss out on a date and made him cry?" he asked blandly.
"Your boss cried because his wife can't fuck him as well as Harris could," Stark shot back.
"Maybe." He looked around then at him. "There's a bit of worry about this."
Stark nodded. "He's seeing what they're doing. He just found out yesterday. Romanoff and Barton are helping him. They're meant to work with the slayers."
Rhodey shook his head. "There's been a constant rainstorm there that we were wondering about. Weather doesn't naturally do that."
"There was some slayer embezzlement. Their sister got very mad that her college fund went to Bermuda from what Romanoff warned. You might wanna pass that back since it was Summers."
"I can do that." He sent that email from his phone and looked around again then at him. "How messed up in that are you?"
Stark smirked. "Harris once said I'm adorable but I remind him of Rosenburg, only with a different addiction."
"Uh-huh." He considered it then nodded once. "That's bad."
"Probably but hey, that was the week I almost quit drinking totally."
Rhodey nodded. "I can see why. That'd make me quit drinking too." He stared at him. "What do I need to tell them?"
"Harris just found out thanks to a few plebes in the FBI. One of which shot an assistant director." Rhodey winced. "He nicely brought it to Barton, who is like a sibling to him, and Romanoff, who he likes to flirt with."
"I'd tap that if she gave me the slightest sign," he said dryly. "So it's under SHIELD's looking over his shoulder?"
"From what they said, it's to back up the slayers in places SHIELD can't get to," Tony said then shrugged. "I'm watching it because it's really amusing."
"Sure," Rhodey agreed. "Thanks, Stark." He hung up and turned to look at his bosses, who had been watching the whole thing.
"Fury's missing," one said.
"He got sent on vacation for his blood pressure, sir," Rhodey corrected. "He may be back by now. Hill tends to panic whenever Harris shows up. For some reason she seems to feel inadequate because she's not attracted to him, therefore not as deadly as she thinks."
"I don't think anyone can be as deadly as some of his," one of his superiors said. Rhodey grinned. "I wondered what made that guy retire. I thought it was a bad three-some that made him realize he was getting too old for that stuff." He looked at the others. "So we watch and wait?" They all nodded. "Good work, Colonel."
"Thank you, sir." They left. Rhodey went back to his actual job - liaisoning with the various DoD weapons people.
Clint sat up on the couch as Paulette came out of the bedroom. "He okay?" he asked quietly.
"I finally managed to get him to sleep." She sat on the arm of the couch, staring at him. "Why don't you two see each other?"
"We like our bro-ship," he said dryly. "We'd cancel each other out."
"Fine." She stood up. "We talked about various things. Most of it's going toward the new group and he set down rules on what we were not allowed to do. Including selling weapons." Clint smirked. "He kept one of the accounts for himself for travel and other needs. Plus had me move some of it to Dawn's college fund so she doesn't have to take out loans or anything." Clint nodded. "Buffy's fighting in the jail down there. Dawn filed US charges and that Buffy had fled the US with it for a long vacation. So they're looking into it too. Bermuda is holding her in custody for now."
"That's fine. Rosenburg?"
"She's going to wake up as a trainee." She smiled. "She's going to learn to do it the agent and Xander way." He grinned back. "You sure you two can't date? It'd be a great thing. You'd have someone to fuss over you."
"I have that."
"No you don't. Romanoff won't let you fuss over her most of the time unless she's in the hospital." She stared at him. "Xander needs someone to fuss over and someone to fuss over him. Think about it? Please? Oh, the one trying to take out his ex's hit the prison twice. We're pretty sure she's a cunt but we're not sure which one."
"The group or the status of being?" he countered.
"No, that semi-circus group from Romania isn't in on this. Xander's never met them as far as I know. But this one's taken out about ten of his ex's in the last month and a half, Clint. We don't know she won't come after you."
"I've got the guys at my back."
She smirked. "Good luck with that. I'm hoping I make it back to the training camp. If not, my will's with the same people. I had all of us make one out and put it with their office in Malaysia." She grinned. "Let me shower so I can catch my flight before Hill decides I'm going to be a bad influence again." She sashayed into the bathroom to shower and put on clothes.
Clint laid back down, thinking about that. He sent an email to Hill because at least they knew a bit more now about whoever this was. Female snipers with poisoning capabilities were rare. He only knew three off the top of his head and one was Natasha. The second was Paulette. He waved when she left, sending that email. He also made sure the junior agents downstairs that Natasha had placed on the room when she had left escorted Paulette to the airport and made sure she got off okay. She sent a 'thank you, that was sweet' back. He relaxed. It'd be okay. Xander could do damage control if he needed it and handle the rest. He might even take out the bad girl himself this time.
Xander came out and looked out the window. "Regina's over there." Clint hopped up but Regina was heading off. "Huh. I think I need to talk to Regina." He walked off texting everyone he knew.
Clint sent that in. Maybe they could stop this before Clint had nothing to do for the next few years. He'd be bored if all the bad guys and girls got taken out. He sent it to Natasha too, just in case since people had seen Xander flirting with her.
Natasha woke up with a start, looking at her vibrating phone. She looked at it. "That's a good thing to know." She looked at the second message. "Regina would fit that minimally." She got up to do a perimeter scan. No assassin wannabe temptress. There was an assassin but he just nodded at her when she spotted him. She stared at him. He must be a 'friend of Xander' since she didn't know him as more than a picture on a file. She found some paper and a pen to write a note and hold it up. He grinned and shook his head, pointing at his watch. She made another one and he nodded. She wrote a 'thank you' note to hold up and walked off. She ran into Steve on her way back. "We are being guarded in case someone wants to kill us to keep Xander for themselves."
"Agents?" he asked.
"Two assassins on nearby rooftops. Probably thanks to Xander." She went to her room. She carefully closed her door, locked it, then laid down to groan into her pillow. This always happened around Xander. It was always something weird.
Fury finally got out of the hospital, glaring at the agent there to drive him back to the office. "Let's go," he grumped as he climbed into the SUV.
"Do we need to stop by a pharmacy, sir?" he asked.
"Okay. Agent Hill wanted me to ask, sir." He drove off. "She said to tell you there is a new report from Agents Barton and Romanoff. There was a problem with the slayers but we think Harris caused it on purpose. We think they're going to be making future plans. I'm told that there's a problem in Germany next week, but that they have plans. Also that Rosenburg was removed from Cleveland by those same people that were meeting with Harris."
"That's interesting," he said. "Why?"
"No clue, sir, but we have been told that the storm that hovered over the house for nearly ten hours, and hit not one blade of grass on any other lawn in the city, has now dissipated."
Fury looked at him. "Rosenburg?"
"Stop the car." The agent gave him a look when they got to a redlight. "Stop the motherfucking SUV. You're not my agent. My agents would never answer 'no clue' to a problem going on."
"If you're sure, sir." He pulled over with a grin. He was pulled out of the driver's seat by Fury and handcuffed, being tossed into the trunk area and handcuffed to the seat frame.
Fury got back in to drive back to the SHIELD base. He paused at the gate. "Get him out and to an interrogation unit."
"ID, sir?" one demanded, hand on his gun.
"Do I look familiar?" he demanded.
"Yes, sir, but there's always a worry about shape changers or disguises," that guard said. "If not, we'll have to take you into custody as well, sir."
"Call Agent Hill."
"She can meet you in interrogation, sir," the guard said, pulling up his gun. "Out please." Fury huffed but those were his orders to the security teams. At least they were following orders.
Hill came down when she got told, about an hour later. "Director." She put down the fingerprint scanner, letting him slap his hand down on it with a bland look. It beeped a positive message. "Welcome back, sir. If you had told us I would've had you driven."
"That's okay, the guy said you already did."
"He's an assassin and he was one who was protecting the Avengers last night in case whoever is taking out Harris' ex's shows up." Fury stared at her, then shook his head. "I have full notes from their discussion waiting on you."
"Good." Fury stood up and followed her up to his office. "At least you guys followed orders. Good job on that," Fury complained as he walked past the guards.
"Thank you, sir." They stood down.
Fury walked into his office. Hill handed over his prescription bottle. Fury glared but sat down behind his desk. The reports were all laid out. "This is considered acceptable?"
"We can't get there to handle it," she said. "Better they're on the same side instead isn't it?"
She pushed one in front of him. "That's always better since we can't risk agents to get there."
He stared at it then nodded. "Rosenburg and the storm?"
"Storm was Summers. Her sister stole her college fund for a week in Bermuda. Summers is presently in jail down there since Dawn pressed charges. Xander helped."
Fury nodded once. "I take it he's had enough?"
"Rosenburg has been hacking his emails. She never told him about any of this even though they had told him almost a year ago." Fury winced. "Also, she had accidentally made a plant that tried to eat a few slayers. They had to kill it." She put that report down on top. "This new group helped with that and took Rosenburg to dry her out again. I'm told she'll be going through something like agent training, sir."
Fury smirked. "She'll never make it."
"It's with Harris' new group and they're very certain she needs to train like he has."
"Is she going to pick up assassins now?" he asked sarcastically.
"Hopefully not. I don't know too many delicate lesbian assassins." She handed over one last one. "From Barton. He talked to Paulette Milarn before she left for their location in Malaysia. We have the one killing his ex's down to a few probable names, with one Barton put on top since he saw her lurking last night." That file got handed over.
He looked at it and took one of his new blood pressure pills. "Why isn't she is custody? We arrested her when she went rogue."
"The judge let her go, sir. Not enough evidence that she was going to go evil enough to warrant preventative action." Fury just nodded and put it aside. "We did learn that Harris has not met a few targets that we were worrying about taking a shine to him. Milarn told him that." She tapped at the report's section on that.
He looked and nodded. "Good! Can we keep them apart?"
"If we send someone who can bust them up. We don't have many agents who can that they wouldn't know. Barton is out because one of them tried to date him once. Romanoff probably can't pull that off. We don't have many who have acrobatic skills."
"Can we find one and borrow them?"
"I've been looking. I haven't seen many yet." She stepped back. "Overall, it's not a horrible thing for us. We may be able to use them to help us with some things."
"Maybe but it's still not something I want to see rise up."
She nodded at that. "I can understand why but if they can get the slayers what they need quietly without us having to ask people for it, then I'm all for it. The president is not happy whenever we need to get them artillery. Harris has made them quit selling the excess weapons they have."
"This end-game plan I heard about?"
She pulled that up. "I emailed him to get it. This is a last ditch if we don't do it and die doing it, humanity goes plan."
He looked it over, nodding slowly. "Where would he get that?"
"It's one of the ones he inherited that he didn't want sold."
"Thankfully!" She smirked slightly. "Can't we find him someone decent to date?" he demanded.
"Some of the assassins wanted him to date Barton but they're like siblings."
"I'll throw them a great wedding if he does." His computer beeped with a text message. "Oh, great, Stark too," he said sarcastically, closing out the 'Barton said hell no and he'd kill you if you tried' message. He looked at her. "Find someone *decent* to introduce him to."
"He keeps flirting with Romanoff but she denies she might like him. The rest in our files he's mostly met. They all seem to want him back." She walked off. Maybe she could talk Romanoff into dating Harris and keeping him. It'd be a good thing for SHIELD and the slayers. She almost smiled when she heard Fury groaning in his office. It was good he was back to normal.
Not That Sort of Friends.