Pepper smiled at the reporter Stark International's head of PR had brought up to talk to her. "Is there a huge announcement?"
"Slightly," the reporter said, smiling at her. "I'm with the Times, Ms. Potts. We know that your...coworkers have been protecting the last of the Council people because they were attacked earlier."
"He was attacked by people that got distressed that their coverup of an incident was ended by Congress wanting to know," she said, leaning back. "That was put out earlier." They had found Xander earlier and brought him back for a while to make sure he was safer than a demon bar would make him.
"How many others are there?" the reporter asked. "Is it possible this is going to keep going?"
"It's entirely possible. I have no idea how many more he has in hiding or how many may be bad to his clients. He's a therapist now."
"I saw that." She smiled. "Can we talk to him to ask him that? If it'd help we can put out how many more there are."
"That would probably bring more problems," the head of PR said.
"The local demon council has related at least two other coverups," the reporter said. "One in Australia and one in Paris."
Pepper reached for the phone, calling up there. "Clint, give Xander the phone please. I have a reporter here who said that the local demon council is releasing information on other attacks." She waited for him to get Xander from the bathroom. "Paris and one in Australia?" She listened and winced. "So not horrible and not with you in attendance? That's at least something. How many more like that one are there that someone may have video of?" She listened, twiddling with a pen. "Who would have those?" She winced again. "That's bad. Where is that anyway? Oh, oh, dear. All right. What should I tell the reporter?" His 'I have no idea how to deal with those sorts' answer made her smile. "I don't tend to either, Xander. Anything you want to have known?" She nodded, smiling at the reporter. "Mr. Harris has said he was not at either of those events, most apocalypse battles were filmed by someone for later training needs, and if they're releasing Australia it's going to gross someone out because it's an ascended demon."
"Not that one. I knew about that one. I covered that one actually and ended up in jail for forty-eight hours until I agreed to not report on it. No, I'm talking about the one in the jungles? With the alien thing?"
Xander said something her ear. "Xander said that one's not that bad, it'll make some religious leaders freak out horribly, but he still wasn't there," Pepper said.
"Not that one. The other one. He was there. The same as the one in Paris was him taking out the underground movement."
Pepper looked at the phone but Xander came off the elevator a minute later looking upset. "Xander?"
He stared at the reporter. "Who let those out? They were sealed in a safe vault in a bank in England."
"There's a few former Watchers still, Xander," she said with a smile.
"Yes, and most of them are genocidal or insane." She pulled a gun. He smacked her on the head and took it from her. "Yeah, I recognized you. I helped your dad get arrested." He tossed the gun on the desk, away from Pepper, and stared at her. "That's not going to discredit me. Even the gang kid that died in the Paris riots isn't going to look bad on me." He grinned. "Beyond that, not going to work. I'll release the *full* film of it to someone legitimate." He smirked. "I'm the only one that has access to the vault in Leeds and the one in Bathe. The bank vault has edited ones and minor things.
"The really classified things are actually in Wales." She shuddered. "Only Andrew, myself, and Clorisma can get into that one and you *know* the head witch is already tired of this shit." He smiled at Pepper then at the PR lady. Then at the reporter. "You have a great day, Miss Watcher spawn. You're not going to get to discredit me or Andrew. If you save the real world, they tend to not care how you do it." He walked off. "Pepper, can you give me a name of someone I can ask if they want it if they keep annoying me?"
"I like the ones that're traditional. Miss Walters was very kind when she interviewed me," she said with a smile for the reporter. "Plus she does real news."
Xander grinned. "Thanks."
"I can call her office," the head of PR said, pulling out her phone.
Xander laughed. "I'll call a poker buddy. They have someone at her office." He pulled out his phone to do that. "Bob, Xander. A spawned watcher bratling is trying to release stuff in the vaults. Specifically the alien eating thing in Aussie and the Paris riots. I need to release the *full* film but it's in Wales. Can you ask someone *decent* to help me with that please? Yeah, I'll warn Andrew. Don't worry. I saw him last night. Thanks, Bob." He hung up. A minute later, his phone got a text message from Andrew saying he was releasing both of those to that same reporter, since he was over there for a hearing and for safety reasons, and another few files that were going to make people shut up about them. Xander sent back a 'thank you' and a virtual card. Andrew giggled back but it was good to hear.
***
Tony Stark looked at the news being displayed, blinking hard. "Damn. JARVIS, make sure Steve sees this please?" he said, blinking hard. "Oh, dear."
"Mr. Harris just made a joke about how people used to think he was warping the slayers by being an evil overlord sort," his AI said sarcastically.
"Yeah, I can see why." He watched the films that had been released. "Is this the demon council's version Pepper warned me about or the real one?"
"The demon council's version. The real one is showing on another station." The station was changed and that film was running. It was worse. Including how a young guy was killed trying to reach a hidden room to get the door open but Xander had yelled at him not to try it yet. "I believe his jacket's symbols means he's a member of a French anti-immigrant group," the AI said more quietly. "There's another dead human body off to the left side but the demons aren't trying to harm his remains."
"So they're not flesh eaters?"
"Two of the species are listed as one in their manual but they're not bothering them yet. Most of them are trying for the slayer and Mr. Harris. Who just used a Stark Industries prototype I believe," he said when Xander had blown up something with a larger weapon.
Stark nodded. "Yes it was." He watched how it went on and then they finished off the problem, then ran for cover once the problem started to shake the building. They brought the two dead bodies out and Xander had saved the people trapped in that room on the way out. Then they had disappeared as the Interpol people pulled up. A late demon ran out with a scream of rage but the Interpol people shot it until he ran back inside. One shot the car fleeing with the slayer and Harris a dirty look. "I think France hated slayers."
"By their press releases they loathed them in all manners. The young slayer had been listed as the slayer in lower Germany, sir."
"Great. Anything else they're going to try?"
"I believe that someone has released the full film of what happened in Ghana since they were so adamant that they had already released it to make them look bad. Their US embassy is having a lockdown alert and have recalled all their people to safely hide inside it. The full film runs for almost seven extra hours of another few battles."
Stark nodded. "I'm so glad I didn't get into that one. Is Ghana going to send more hit teams?"
"No. I think they're embarrassed about having covered that one up, sir."
"Great. I guess they'll all calm down soon then. Maybe Barton can go calm Harris down however they work on things."
"They're presently both on the porch avoiding the film being shown, which only Sergeant Barnes is presently watching."
Tony nodded. "I don't want to either. Shut that off, JARVIS. Give me a summary that won't make me drink or hurl dinner."
"Yes, sir, I can do so." Another screen opened with a running summary as the film went on.
Tony got back to work, not worrying about all that. Harris was safe here and he was a good guest so far. If it wasn't for him trying to find his weapons you'd hardly know he was there.
***
Coulson watched the film Skye had alerted him to, blinking hard at it. "That's bad."
"That's the edited version," Melinda May said, walking in and changing the channels on the tv. "That's the one Wells released to counter the smear campaign." She walked off shaking her head. "Are we going to talk to Wells about his vigilante moments?"
"No," Coulson said. "He does good handling things that are beneath us or the Avengers." He was watching the battle in Paris, shaking his head slowly. "I wouldn't have went in with that plan but it seems to have worked."
"I'd want more than one slayer," Skye said.
Phil Coulson nodded. "Me too. A whole unit would've been good." Colonel Clay stomped in. "They're countering the new smear campaign by releasing the full film of incidences."
"I guess that's one way of training the future slayers since they wouldn't have seen how bad it could be," he said, staring at the replay. "Only one slayer?"
"They seem to be able to handle it but yes," Coulson said. He winced at the gang kid dying.
"That's a French skinhead patch," Clay said. "We had to work against a branch of them once."
"Good to know." They watched it finish and then the 'newscasters' talked about it and how the smear campaign got started, and about that kid's death. Skye had sent in a twitter message to them since they were paying attention to their feeds for comments. They repeated that information, which made the 'newscasters' talk about why a skinhead would've cared about that. Someone on a demon Council in Europe pointed out that one of the humans had been related to him a few minutes later and pointed out why it had happened.
The newscasters went after that story instead, especially wondering if Harris had been there specifically to rescue that one young woman. Coulson burst out laughing when Xander called in to politely chew him a new one while noting he hadn't known there were human hostages. He was only there to handle the seven hundred demon attack force that the French had been ignoring for months. If he had known about the hostages, he would've done something a bit different, including blowing up another building first to keep them out of that area. The newscasters weren't happy with that or how Xander hung up on them.
"I guess he corrected the assumptions," Skye quipped. "Wow."
"I'm guessing the French aren't going to be happy but it happens," Bobbi said from the doorway. "I would've just blown them all up if I hadn't heard they had hostages." She smiled and changed the channel. "Ghana's going to heave." She strolled off.
Coulson watched. He got sick but he watched. That had been horrible. He could see why Ghana had tried to cover it up but it was too horrible and the hit teams had gotten out of hand again. This was going to be embarrassing for some people but not Xander. Maybe he'd have a talk with him about partially disarming himself. Then again, there were still some demon menaces. The teleplay was interrupted to announce a large demon had shown up in Times Square and was demanding to talk to someone in charge about something.
Xander walked into view and squinted up at him. The demon stared down at him. Xander made 'go on' motions. The demon leaned down to squint at him then nodded and picked him up to walk off talking to him about a problem in his home temple's court. A few minutes later they laughed together and then Xander climbed down so he could walk off and get a coffee. The demon went home to take the suggestions into hand. The newscasters were still wetting themselves over that but oh well. At least Xander hadn't needed any sort of weapon. That would've looked very bad on him.
***
Xander made it back home to find a reporter on his step knocking on the door. "No, I don't answer questions," he called. "Thank you anyway." The reporter spun to stare at him. "Hi." He smiled. "Did you need something?"
"Why were those things taped?"
"So we could train the later slayers with them. There's always the hope they won't have to do more than see film of it, but in case they need to know. Most of those things happen due to some really rare demons. Not something that's usually covered in training." He leaned against the railing around his stairs. "That way they can reference back to the problem, how it was solved, and learn how to handle big issues before they run into them in the middle of nowhere. I wouldn't always be there to train them in tactics for bigger battles or how to creatively end things like a battle. I can't be sure the ones that are doing it for them now have that skill either. That way, the girls could learn, even in a few generations."
"Interesting. That makes you smug?"
"No, the fact you're standing on the taser plate makes me smug." He waved his keychain and set it off, blanking out her camera and making the camera guy shriek. "I have some extreme security needs due to the nature of my clients. Sorry but I wasn't going to deal with you guys today. If I was, I would've handled the hit squads myself instead of letting others. I did get asked to be less visible for the last day or so. Sorry." He waved. "I can set off the other things if you wish to stay and chat." They stomped off. He waved. "Have a great day, ma'am. I hope more of those sort don't make your life interesting." He went inside to use the spell to recall his weapons from Stark's vault. They all reappeared to be petted. They were his babies.
***
One of Xander's clients showed up at his doorstep, ignoring the reporters trying to lurk.
Xander came out onto the doorstep. "You are interrupting my client's needs. You are interrupting my therapy practice. I don't care if you're on public property but you're gonna move or I'm going to make you move." A few sneered. "All right then." He dropped something so he could stomp on it. A few demon guards with weapons showed up. "They're threatening my clients," he told the guards. "Can you guys keep the reporters away from my place?" They grinned at him, going to menace the reporters. The reporters did run from the sharp, pointy encouragement methods. Especially when a few more showed up. Xander looked at his client, shrugging. "I'm not nice that way and I've got slayer family members coming in later to be checked up on. Wanna come in to talk about what your government wants to complain about?" he asked with a grin. It was a good cover.
"Yes I can do that. They sent me to complain at you about some information that you have hidden."
"I have tons hidden. People don't like to hear about those sort of things." He let him inside. His client sighed in pleasure. Xander grinned. "I have a lot of food. I stocked up just in case."
"Probably a good idea. My boss did wince a lot about the information that got released about the battle in Ghana." Xander rolled his eyes but walked off again. He followed because Xander probably needed to calm down and he was a good helper for that.
James shook off the rain as he snuck in, heading up to his room. Xander needed guarded. Pepper had told him to guard Xander instead of Steve. Steve had tried to shove his shield up someone's nose so he had that covered. Barton's protection too. Romanoff had his back. No one had Xander's. The agent leaned out to look at him then grinned and went back to talking to Xander.
***
Bobbi Morse walked up to one of her coworkers, handing him a card. "I saw you lost in thoughts yesterday," she said quietly, staring at him. He blinked at her. "He's a good guy and it's not like he won't understand all this. Catastrophic injury and all." She gave him a pointed look. "He's a good guy." She walked off, leaving it up to him.
He looked at the card, tapping it a few times before putting it into his wallet and walking off to get back to the lab. Maybe it'd help. It wasn't like he could talk to Simmons any more. She was different now. He was different now.
***
Xander answered his door, staring at the obvious agent on the other side. "Yes, can I help you?"
"Mr. Harris, I'm with SHIELD."
"Dude, I know about SHIELD. I've known about SHIELD before Sunnydale fell in," he said dryly. "Way back when I stripped for a few of you. So cut the cryptic and spill what's on your mind. I have a client coming in soon."
"We think you're hoarding an illogical and illegal amount of weapons," he said. "How's that for getting to the point?"
Xander laughed. "I have permission."
"We can get that removed as we think you could be used against us."
Xander stared at him. "Only if you're going to threaten humanity." He leaned on the doorframe. "Beyond that, I doubt you can get it removed, and even if you did, I've still got it put up in a way that you'll never make it through to even breathe on them." He stared at him. "Beyond even that, are you going to handle any demons that show up and are still dangerous but not evil enough for that spell to hit?"
"I don't believe it'll happen."
"Hey, Balli," Xander called. A demon appeared, blinking at him. "This agent thinks that there's no more threats and I'm *dangerous* with weapons." The demon burst out laughing. "Can you make sure he knows why? Maybe even show him why?"
"I owe you kittens, not the other way around," the demon said dryly.
"Yeah, but I think this is too important to lack translation into reality and this guy thinks he's SHIELD reborn."
The demon shook his head. "We know of all three groups and this one's is pathetic." The agent glared, pulling his gun. "That will not help you, mortal. Unlike you I don't die by bullets." He took the agent with him, smirking at Xander before they left. "This way you know so you quit hampering humanity continuing." He shoved the agent into the group of demons. "This one thinks that the Knight will have no more work and doesn't need weapons."
One of the demons looked at him. "The Knight has weapons because they are like his eggs."
One of the elders grimaced. "We can share information on the bad enclaves so the humans may be able to handle them. It will mean no politics going on if we end them." The others nodded at that idea, pulling the human over to teach him how wrong he was. When another human got walked in as a sign of respect, they all nodded at her and let her have what they knew about that the first human would never be able to handle.
"Are you an agent?" the first one demanded.
"Yes, and the sister of a former slayer," she said bluntly, staring at him. "I doubt you supercede MI-6." He grimaced. "Beyond that, I've seen Nick Fury recently. He's not as dead as you think he is. My bosses appreciate that information since he's handling problems." She handed over a slim piece of amber that showed a magically recorded scene to the demons. "We also agree that Coulson is the heir he always wanted and never made. That's why we work with him, not your group." She leaned on the table to point at something. "An agent said they were being rowdy the other day." She looked up. "Any idea why?"
"An anniversary. Did they hurt anyone?" one of the elders asked.
"The agent managed to save most of the hostages they had for sacrificing or whatever. He said it wasn't clear if they were all to be used as sexual toys or to be killed. The only one he didn't manage to save was already missing from the group by the time he got there." They nodded, making notes on that.
"How long have you known about this?" the other agent demanded.
She smirked at him. "Since the New Council took over once Sunnydale fell. They made sure that any humans who needed to handle things got what they needed to handle things, including training various militaries around the world to do that. When you have sixty people to handle things that used to take hundreds to hide, you learn to look for allies and teach them how to handle the piddling things themselves. Including a few agents within SHIELD." She went back to the map and her notes. "We've seen a few appearing around here. Any idea why? Usually considered large but maybe peaceful maybe not."
"There's a wedding of two higher profile demons being joined," one of the younger ones said with a smile for her. "They're not peaceful but they're happy right now. They shouldn't cause any problems until the honeymoon when they need to eat a virgin of at least fifteen to create the new egg."
"Male or female?" she asked.
"That would depend on what they want the egg to be," another said. "We've been watching over that problem. We've also sent warnings to the local convents as there's a few near there."
She smiled. "That's thoughtful. Thank you for saving me that work." They got back to work while the other guy seethed and made notes to spread around.
***
Xander looked up from his getting fruit when someone stomped up to him. "Why hi, my ex-date-who-slept-with-me-to-get-blood-samples." He grinned. "Pleasant day, isn't it?"
"Where is our agent, Harris?"
"He'll probably be back sometime tonight. He wanted to know about the various demon threats so I sent him to the Council that keeps track of the problem enclaves in the northern hemisphere. They work with other agents so they could help him make a list." He walked around her. She tried to touch him but yelped and held her arm. "Yes, I spotted you and turned on my personal safety protections. Especially since you tried to turn me into a germ sample." He shot her a look. "I'm not stupid, dear. Even if I stopped at the Masters level instead of the PhD, I'm not stupid." He smiled at the security officer walking their way with a hand on his taser. "Hi, this is a one-time sleepover helper," he said dryly. "Who tried to get blood from me. She's an agent full of bad ideas and is probably dirty as hell."
"What're you, sir?"
Xander grinned. "I'm a therapist. I counsel agents and officers who've had bad missions."
"That's nice. She's an agent?" He looked at her. "Do you have a warrant?"
"I can get one," she sneered at Xander. "To take your blood as well."
Xander pulled out his phone to call someone. "Hey, BillyBob, it's Xander Harris. I have a 'new' SHIELD person here who's trying to get blood from me and try to get me implicated in a few things I didn't even try to do." He put it on speaker when the agent said to. He chewed her a new one, ending in the information that there was a Presidential order to not touch Xander's blood. The woman huffed off. Xander described her and gave her name to his contact, who said he'd make note of it and the return of SHIELD. Xander paid and walked out, telling him about the ones doing the actual job and the first agent he had sent to find out what problems were still left. His contact burst out laughing, and thanked him for that happy thought of the day. Xander went home, finding someone waiting on his stairs. "I have an open door policy for clients," he said quietly, staring at him. "You'd be Leo Fitz, right?"
"I am. Who told you about me?"
"I see a few people you know and she told me about how you got injured." He nodded. "You can come inside, Leo. It's comfier than out here and less chance of someone stupid showing up." He nodded, following him inside. "I'm going to put up fruits and stuff. You can join me. I only use the office for talking if someone insists. I tend to do whatever works best for my clients. A few I spar with, a few need a hug, some need to be in the bar setup downstairs, a few in the more relaxed areas, and one I hired hookers for because he needed it to talk." He shrugged but grinned. "However you want to talk is great with me."
"I.... You're not that usual. I read your file."
Xander smirked. "Which one? There's a really wrong and one that's spotty but mostly correct."
"Both plus we hacked into the demon underground's files."
"Those are more right but one's got a shrine to me." He shrugged, finishing with the putting up. "Want lunch?"
"I'm good, thank you." Xander handed him a bottle of water and took him down to the lounge area by the bar setup. He looked in each of the areas. "You really can make them more comfortable."
"I do. Some people can't talk if they're not doing something else or if they're not having a beer or even without a hug."
"That makes sense. Not everyone works with the traditional versions of talk therapy."
"Especially the ones that need to spar."
"Have you heard about me?"
"I have. Slightly. I heard how you got injured. I heard how my other client was a bit worried about your healing. They said that you were healing more slowly than she had expected but she wasn't sure if it was also a bit psychological about your former partner."
"I didn't know Miss Morse paid that sort of attention to me."
"Not Bobbi." He grinned. "I work with a number of agents, Leo. Including two of the younger ones within the new SHIELD. It's hard to rebuild something so huge from the ground up while making sure the bad doesn't come with it. We did that with the Council after the First Evil blew them up. We had sixty of us doing the job of over three thousand former assholes."
He nodded. "That is a huge problem we've had. Finding and clearing former agents of being HYDRA. Then there's the general being a problem."
"I'm pretty sure the president told him to stop it before he shoved an aircraft carrier up his ass," Xander told him with a grin. "Something about finding some of his people doing demonic sacrificing and things." Leo gaped. "During a meeting they had with Talbot and Steve Rogers."
"Oh." He considered that, playing with the water bottle. "That's interesting. Did he talk to Coulson?"
"I know he asked Steve if Coulson was still alive. One of the agents on guard duty asked me if I saw him as a client so I could get in touch with him. I told him where to find him."
Leo nodded. "That's good. As long as they weren't compromised."
"No, I know that one wasn't HYDRA. He shot three of them."
"We thought Ward was clear too. He did all these heroic things. He jumped out of a plane to save one of us." He looked up. "Then he said later that doing those things make you look less guilty of being turned."
"It can but that one's from a warrior clan on one side of his family. They would've had him killed and ripped into component parts for being part of HYDRA. They did it to two others who thought about joining HYDRA." Leo shuddered. "Yeah, so I'm pretty sure about him." He grinned. "I have a list of people I trust. Only one of my clients ended up being HYDRA and he decided to turn himself in. He didn't want to uphold their means now that he was seeing how screwed up it was. They got him when he was young and idealistic. The sort that revolutionaries like. That's why the CIA hired him."
Leo nodded. "I've seen a few of those." He sighed and looked at Xander. "Do you miss anyone that was really close to you?"
"I miss some of my slayers like hell. They were like my little sisters. Not a few of them, those ones I might've fed to someone at times, but there were a few. Did I have someone who could finish my thoughts and all that? Yeah, he was turned when I was sixteen and he was the first one I ended up staking, though it was by accident." Leo slumped, staring at him. "There's pictures of us being in the same playpen and me teething on his ear. It's like a mythical city that I almost remember visiting sometimes but the ache to have him there, to have him at my back, is seriously painful some nights. Steve had the same thing with Bucky Barnes."
Leo nodded. "I had that with Simmons but we're broken now. My injury."
Xander leaned forward. "Leo, it wasn't your injury, or not all your injury at least. Some of that was hers. She got changed by all that too. She might even be scared that you're fragile and she'll get you hurt. Have you tried to talk to her?" He shook his head. "Not at all?"
"At all yes. It's stiff and we weren't that bad even when we first met."
"Sometimes you click, but life does get in the way of the ones that are basically your soulmate. Even if it's not romantic love." Leo relaxed but nodded. "You love your twin differently than you do your lover but you still miss them both with the same intensity when things go wrong. It's ruined a lot of people for the rest of their very short lives." Leo stared at him. "It's brought down a lot of people to the point where death was a reasonable option to them. They just picked a good time for it to be meaningful if they could."
"Death by stopping a robbery," Leo said quietly. Xander nodded. "I don't think I'll do that."
"Is she?"
Leo blinked a few times. "I... I don't think so. I know she went undercover for a bit."
"Did she come out of it okay? Sometimes that's like the stain on a shirt that you can't get out but you can only see the remains under certain types of light. I see a number of people for that problem."
"I think so. I..." He opened the water and drank, staring at it. "That's a good brand of water." Xander grinned. "I don't know how to ask her that. Before I'd just blurt it out and we'd sit and talk."
"Make it easier on you both. Tell her you're going to be stiffly British and invite her to tea for a chat. Make it so you have a framework to fall back on when it gets tense but you two get to chat about subtle things that can lead up to a real discussion. Do it inside a time-locked safe so you have to stay in there." He grinned. "You'll get some frustrated stuff from you both but a good clearing of the air, even a good shouting match maybe, would help. At least then you'd know where you stand with things."
"I'm not sure if she'd allow that."
"You work with some of the most sneaky people in the world, and Skye," Xander said dryly. "Some of them would help you as long as nothing was going on."
"Something's always going on."
"Leo, some advice my team learned early on. You have to take the time to ease it off. Take a moment of fun. Take a moment of ease. If it's all battle and danger, you die of it a lot sooner. Look at what happens in bigger, open wars and why people end up depressed and suicidal." Leo nodded. "I used to crack bad jokes during battles because it helped the slayers perk up and have that momentary ease of focus to resettle themselves. Sometimes a prank is a great idea because it breaks the tension."
"You don't like Skye?"
"I don't like that she's being irresponsible with her newfound gifts. You don't just start flinging around your new powers and expect things to become evident when you've used too much. You train that shit, you learn how to use it to the best advantage in multiple ways. You find your limits and what happens when you reach it. She ...hasn't. It's going to get her or someone else killed. She reminds me of Willow in a lot of ways."
"I can see that. We've already lost people." Xander leaned over to hug him. He sighed but smiled. "Thank you."
"Sometimes the most basic needs are the ones we ignore. Physical contact is sometimes the only healing thing in life because it's a *need* that your body and mind has. People have went haywire over lacking physical contact. I have one patient who jumps when he touches his own bare skin because he forgot what it's like."
Leo considered that. "I can see why. I'm used to running into her multiple times an hour as we work in the same lab together." He looked at him again. "How do I talk to her?"
"Sneak in tonight and put a clown nose on her then sneak back out. She'll get frustrated but she sounds like she could use a stress break as well. She might even come talk to you about it."
"She'd hate that. Call it childish."
"It is but a stress break isn't going to be highbrow. It's not a funny play by Shakespeare. It's Benny Hill and Monty Python that saves your sanity during the dark times. A laugh to make the tension break. That's why some people in emotional turmoil start laughing and end up breaking into crying."
"I can understand that. I'd hate to use a clown nose on her but maybe something else." He smiled. "You're very good."
"That's because I've been here. There's nothing you guys can tell me that equals some of what I've seen and been through." He grinned slightly. "After you go into the hellmouth with twenty-slayers and four other average people, and come out mostly alive after the battle, then watch your town be sucked into the hole, things look a lot different. Thankfully that night someone made me break and drink. I ended up in a fight ring to get the grief and battle stress out but it helped. The next day I could actually not snarl at people and I could move without being reminded of the battle."
"No humor?"
"At that time, I was grieving some people and most of my life. There wasn't a lot of humor around. If I had found humor instead of that bar and then the fight ring I might've ended up curled up in a bathroom crying instead to break it. I didn't find one. That next night I made one for the other girls by making them all watch Monty Python with me. Some of them got pissed off that I mandated it, and Giles agreed with me. They didn't get why but they didn't take the hard parts of the combat. They also died of doing the stupidly heroic thing in a bad way. The rest of them got to laugh and relax and then they had a great cry-off upstairs later. They understood why it helped. After the invasion in LA, they spent the night grieving those who had fallen while watching _The Meaning of Life_ on mute with closed captioning. Mostly they stared at the tv while eating ice cream and/or drinking but by the next day they could heal a bit more and that night it was a bit better."
"The doctors said healing is a process."
"Yes it is. It's one that never takes as little time as you think it should. That anger at the injury is useful, it's what makes you get better as fast as you can. Pushes you thought physical therapy."
"I created a nagging Simmons in my head."
Xander nodded. "I had a few times when I hallucinated a nagging Anya in Africa to get out of the hospital after catching something." Leo stared at him. Xander nodded. "So bad a few times. Once I had Anya as a nun telling me off for not having orgasms since it would help break my fever. The nuns were not amused when I showed them the film of Anya when I was getting better. Willow had taped a number of Anya-encounters in the store to put up for me." Leo shook his head quickly but he was smiling. Xander got into one to show him. Leo watched, smiling at the very blunt talk about things. "I nearly married her. Walked off at the altar because it'd make her happier."
Leo stared at him. "Where is she now?"
"Died in the battle with the First. Unrecoverable from the hole."
Leo nodded. "There's a great number of people I miss that died in SHIELD's downfall. A few from the battle in Manhattan too." He looked at him. "Do you see that one? The one Loki mind-screwed?"
"I don't give specifics about any of my clients, Leo. Just general stuff like any other health professional. Though I do know Clint Barton. He came over to watch a filmed battle to find out something."
"Oh. I suppose you guys did that for the later slayers."
"Yup. So they'd know what might happen before they run into in the field. I wouldn't be there to help them handle it forever. They had to learn how to improvise during battles and how to creatively problem solve outside of 'this is how you use a sword'. Better to learn that watching your predecessors have to do it than to figure it out during your first real battle."
"It would be." He finished his water, playing with the bottle. "What sort of schedule do you keep?"
"I'm pretty well open. Most of my clients pop in after missions or when they need me. There's been a few times of people being here together. Depending on the person and their style of needs, sometimes they can work together because the other one had been there and figured out how to help themselves or I have them sit and read for about twenty minutes. I've had clients who've decided to stay over for days because it helped just having someone there, even if you weren't talking to them."
"Not feeling like you're the last person on earth," Leo said. Xander nodded. "I can understand that." He sighed, looking at him again instead of the bottle. "I don't know where to go from here."
"To know that you have to know where the destination is. What's your goal of this operation?"
"Is getting things back to where they were before a realistic one?"
"Partially but it's never going to be as nice as it was. It's like losing innocence. You can still see unicorns but you can't touch them any longer. You're not screwed until you can't see them anymore but you can still talk about them and feed them or put out stuff for them to nibble on as a treat. You just can't pet them anymore. So maybe you buy a cat or a dog to pet while you talk about the unicorns."
"That's weird," he said, smiling slightly.
"Weird would be when you get to the point where you have to buy a dragon."
Leo laughed, nodding. "I can see where that level comes in." He considered it. "I need to write that down." Xander opened a drawer to show him notepads and pens. "You really are prepared."
"I have a few clients who like to draw while talking."
"That makes sense. Like art therapy." He wrote down that quote and tucked it into his shirt pocket. "Thank you."
"You're welcome. Come back anytime, Leo. I'm usually here unless the news is spewing something about a huge problem. No one can get into my files. Even if they hack or have a warrant." He grinned. "It was in Willow's safety deposit box."
"That's an interesting idea. Are there other hackers who use magic?"
"No clue. I haven't met any but you never know who's hiding in the dusty corners of the world."
"Huh. Thank you."
"It's not a problem. You're welcome back whenever you need to talk. Next time we can try to talk while playing pool. That's math and I'm bad at it, but I let my clients win anyway unless they're being dicks." Leo walked off laughing, going back to the base. Xander got up to make notes into his specialty system then put it back into the safe. That had been good for him.
***
A young British agent walked up to a man at a café, sliding into the chair across from him. "General," he said quietly, earning a glare from the one-eyed man. "This was put into my hands by my supervisor. She works with the Determinant Council in the Northern Hemisphere on problems. She thought you should know that someone's trying something in your old name." He got up and walked off.
Nick Fury watched him go, checking the folder before opening it. Inside were three pictures and an information packet on the 'new SHIELD' that was trying to form. He sneered, snapping it closed. It looked like he had something to handle after he finished his lunch. At least the person he had heard was tracking him wasn't a horrible thing. Or Talbot.
***
Xander walked into the 'super secret' base and right up to Coulson's office, dropping the six files in front of him. "One of those is from Stark, who was pissed off that they tried for him." He stared at him. "The other five are idiots who've decided to come up to me and proclaim themselves to be you."
"Me?" Coulson asked. "Why me?"
"As in the job title."
"Oh. I've heard something on that." He got into them. "Which is from Stark?" Xander pointed. "Hmm. Wants the Avengers." He grimaced but got into the others. "I had heard we had one."
"One showed up at my house to try to tell me I had to disarm myself. I kindly sent him to Determinant Council so he could see just why he had already failed." He shot him a dirty look. "If they come for me, I'm going to have to go back to the Xander I was in Africa, Coulson. The US won't like that. Well, some parts of the US might like that. The news people...yeah, that'll look great." He grinned. "Remember, I've only gotten more creative."
"I've seen that. I'll see what we can do."
"The VP told them to stop it. They haven't."
"Wonderful." He sighed. "How not stopped?"
"Want the ones I shoved in the trunk of the car?"
"Please," he agreed, smiling slightly. "Thank you for the delivery."
"Had to come anyway. I hated to hear them scream as my security system took little nibbles out of their bodies. They really were throwing off my video game earlier." He walked off.
"Someone help Mr. Harris get the agents who tried to attack his house out of his car please," Coulson called, getting back into the files. One of the agents stomped in. "Melinda."
"They tried him?"
"Apparently. He also had files on some people who are also trying. Plus one who was going after the Avengers." He let her see them.
"Great," she said, glancing over them. "That's a bad thing to become."
"That's what he said." An agent brought in a camera with pictures of the ones they had pulled out of the trunk. "They were SHIELD," he said.
"They claim they're still SHIELD."
"I doubt that. Maybe they're trying to restart it in the open." He got up to come talk to them, bringing something Fury had given him. "Good day," he said. They all stared, one's eyes going wide. He put the device on the table. "I think you know why you're here. Beyond pissing off the last Council member on earth before we have another demon problem." Coulson heard someone complaining that 'someone has broken into my room to put makeup on me twice now' in the hall and shook his head with a sigh. "Harris has warned he's about to become creative and involve the press at the same time. Do we really want that?"
***
Xander saw the news pop up about an earthquake nearby and sighed. He saved down the report, copying it onto a memory stick. Then he called Bobbi. She was on assignment. Yeah, he could handle this. He printed off some forms and took the memory stick with him. On the way he called Rogers. "It's me. Find somewhere I can meet with the new Destroyer. Yes, that one." He nodded. "I can be there in ten minutes." He hung up, driving off. The park wasn't a bad place to meet. He walked up to her. "Hey." She flinched, staring up at him. "Here, I've got the forms so you can change your last name to Rosenburg since you're just as good as she was at creating an apocalypse." He handed them over with the memory stick. "Since what you did killed a few dozen people. Including injuring a children's hospital."
"We were attacked!"
"I've been in full scale invasions and not made the mess you just made, Skye. You have to get control of your gifts. No matter what. Unless you want to change your name to the First Evil since you'll have killed hundreds?" She glared. He stared back. "At least Willow's wasn't intentional most of the time. She knew what and how to control her powers so it didn't hit somewhere eighty miles from your target area." He glared until she shrank away from him. "That sort of irresponsible usage is usually when you get a coven up your nose. Since I'm the last one here in the US, it's gotta be me. Now, how are you going to figure out the use limits on your gifts? Since you can't return it you need to learn how to use it properly and ethically."
"You don't understand."
"Bullshit." She flinched. "I've seen worse than you, but they were demonic. A few were still technically humans but still demonic." She shifted away from him. "You may be having a great amount of thrill privately from the use of your gifts, because that shit feels great when you let it out, that doesn't mean you have the right to do it to everyone else." The ground around them shook. "You go right ahead. I can make sure you're not a threat, little girl. I had to stop one that was using her healing gifts to kill people and she was a teenager killing an army that had tried to kill her. You're much less pure than she was."
The ground shaking stopped. "There's people who can help you get control. Here, England, Africa. I can suggest a few shaman here and in Africa. The Devon coven can help you learn how to harness it properly, as it's killing you to use it right now because you don't know how. That sort of power eats at your cells if you don't learn how to control it consciously. You are not going to be the next apocalypse battle I fight and if you are, I'll make sure it's sideswiped before I have to mourn more people I like. It is your choice to become a threat or not, but you'd better figure it out *damn* fast, little girl. Those of us who've saved the world, we're not going to be that patient. I didn't save the world six times in four years with minimal help to have it fall to you becoming a Rosenburg follower."
"I..."
"Don't. Even. Try. That news story on the memory stick is really pertinent." He stared at her. "No more. If you're not going to gain full control then you need to stop using it. Before you become the next apocalypse battle we have to fight. Do you think someone like Stark won't take you out? Or Barnes? Or me? We've all saved this world at least once and if we have to save it from you so be it." He stared her down. "Am I clear?" She grimaced but nodded. "Then go find a method of control or ask someone to get a list of names of people who can teach you how to do that. Including a temple of people who're aliens who could help. There's a temple to Asgardians in Africa that houses some who left on quests. You could go talk to them."
"They don't consider me good."
"Neither do I. You nearly brought down a children's hospital on top of the sick kids' heads. You being on the side of good is up to you. This is your last and only warning. Because if I have to call in help to sideswipe the irresponsible actions so be it. I'm a fully trained shaman, Skye Rosenburg. I will call on others to help me. Oh, and I do know about your daddy. He flirted with me a few times and I told him he was a psycho. Which he still is." He pointed at him. "That won't save you or him if he tries. If no one else has, I've dealt with bigger and badder than you, dear. I don't want to have to do it again but I sure as shit will." He walked off. "I'll be home all day when you're ready for that list of names." He nodded at the staring two agents, quirking his eyebrow up. "What?"
Melinda shook her head. "She needed that truth."
Xander nodded. "Especially since I don't think it's a good precedent to bring down a kid's hospital." She winced. "I have a list of names who can help her. She should be ready for it soon. Even with dear old daddy showing up." Xander looked at him, unhiding his weapons. "Hi again." He backed off, hands up. Xander rehid them, smiling at Melinda. "Have a better day with the faux SHIELD people, dear." He headed back home with a nod for Steve Rogers since he had been watching and then Coulson because he was looking pissed off. Oh well. He wasn't putting up with a new apocalypse battle. He was tired of them.
Steve Rogers walked back to Coulson when he noticed him. "What did she do?" he asked quietly.
"I have no idea," Coulson admitted.
"Harris said something about a children's hospital about eighty miles off her target and a news story," Melinda May said. She was looking it up on her phone, then winced and handed it over. "I think he had a point comparing her to Rosenburg."
"It seems so," Steve Rogers agreed. "I have to agree. She needs to learn how. She's unable to fight beside anyone with that gift going so rogue. The same as I needed to learn how to use my new strength and speed, so does she."
Coulson nodded. "I've tried."
"Harris said he had a list of people," Ward said quietly.
"I'll get it for her," Coulson said. "We might need it later for someone else." He walked over to talk to her. Her father hurried off when he spotted them. He sat beside her, taking the papers. "It's nice he gave you forms to change your name." He put them into his jacket pocket. She looked up at him, eyes damp. "You need to learn control before it gets out of your control to destroy a good bit of the country," he said quietly. "We don't want to set off the faults in California by accident."
"No, I don't. I don't think I can," she said, making herself straighten up.
He stared at her. "I'm pretty sure you could, Skye. It's more than time for you to find some control of your gifts. Maybe however he knows to do that will help make you a great agent instead of just a good one." She grimaced but nodded. "I know if you go to shaman it'll probably start with meditation, which means you can do it at night."
"I... That might be good," she decided. She looked around.
"Your father saw Captain Rogers and ran," he told her, relaxing again. "Which is probably a good idea."
"Thank you."
"We have to fix the things we can. You can help with the cleanup or however quietly. I'm sure there'll be volunteers. It's responsible of one to take responsibility for their actions. Clint once had to take out someone he didn't know was carrying a liquid explosive to a swap. He helped clean up the explosion debris without letting them know what had happened. He was doing that before I could get to him to see what happened."
She nodded. "I can do that. It makes me a good person."
"Exactly, which we know you are. Right now you're just overwhelmed." She nodded. "So we'll work to make it easier and better. I'll get those names from him. Though I have heard him mention the Devon coven if you wanted that instead."
"It's not magical."
"It's probably a lot of the same sort of focus." He crossed his feet. "You have to focus the same way to use it."
"He said the energy was eating my body."
"You've seen that yourself." She nodded once, looking at her forearms. "So we'll figure out how to handle it. Before someone like him has to show up to take you out because you made a huge mistake."
"I can do that," she agreed, swallowing hard. "I really hurt a hospital?"
"According to the news feed, there was an unexplained earthquake a few towns over from where we were working earlier. It wasn't felt far away and there's no fault lines near there." She winced. "I'll help you get control of this, Skye."
"Yes, Coulson."
"Good girl. Let's go." She nodded, going with him, clutching the memory stick so hard it was making creases in her skin. The others gathered around him to go back to the base. They had some more work to do. It never seemed to end, even though Skye's skills were a side topic.
***
Xander looked up as a client walked in quickly then slammed the door to lean against it. "Big group of reporters?" he guessed. The guy shook his head. "Agents with guns?"
"Pissed off looking people."
Xander came over to look outside then opened the door to lean out. "Hi, Mrs. Hienners. What's wrong now?"
"Who keeps running in and out?" she demanded.
"You remember I'm a therapist, right?" he asked dryly. She glared. He stared back. "I see my clients here, dear. They do come in and out when necessary. Since I see agents and officers their schedules aren't standard. Sorry. Who were you worried about?"
"There's that one...damaged young man."
"That's James. He's a nice guy. He's just healing from the people that did that to him." She shuddered as she walked off. "Just say hi to him. He's a polite young man most of the time." He waved at her back then pushed closed the door while shaking his head and sighing while walking off. "Sorry. Three of my neighbors are nosy like that."
The client followed him. "I can see why with what's been going on."
"She was on vacation when the hit team was here," Xander quipped. "Speaking of here, I've got two others here." He looked at him. "Go make yourself lunch?"
"I can do that. I'm off and it's a nightmare coming."
Xander gave him a quick hug. "It's all good until there's a new demon apocalypse battle."
"I'm not so sure of that."
"We'll see." He went to talk to his two clients, who were now talking to each other. "Should I duck out?" he quipped with a grin.
"Just making plans for when the hit teams come back," Clint said.
Xander gave him a hug. "If I die, you can have my weapons. I gave you an out in case of problems like a new demon invasion."
Clint stared at him. "Is that possible?"
"Is them wanting to invade evil?" the other one asked.
"No, that's conquering a food source. It'd be like us taking over a corn field," Xander said.
"Fuck," the other client said. "A vision?"
"Six, seven months," Xander sighed. "I've sent out an all points to the other clients. I was going to get Clint today." He grinned at him and pointed at the envelopes on the table. Clint got his to look at it, moaning loudly. "Sorry."
"No. Thanks for the warning, Xander." He gave him a hug. "I'll be back later." He headed out. "James, did you see this vision?" he called. "We're having a meeting."
James came downstairs, taking the paper Clint held out. He read it, eyes squinting. "Was this the headache he had last night?"
"Yup."
"Great." He handed it back. "Tell me what I'm doing to help."
"I can do that." He left, going back to the tower. He walked into Stark's lab, typing in a call to assemble there. He handed Stark the paper when he came over to see what he was doing. "We're hoping Xander's wrong for once."
Stark read it over, wincing. "Damn." The others walked in so he handed over the vision. "How right is he?"
"Off time a few times thanks to plots." Clint looked at the others. "Xander warned others too."
Steve nodded, handing it to the others coming in. "I'm hoping he's wrong."
"Is that not considered evil?" Bruce asked.
"Would humans taking over a corn field be considered evil?" Clint asked.
"Ewww." Natasha grimaced. "The same species as last time?"
"Not sure. It's not mentioned and I didn't ask him. James heard him having the vision but didn't know what it was." Clint leaned against a table. "So it looks like it's bad again."
Natasha nodded. "We'd have to help."
"I'm hoping he can sidestep it, somehow," Steve said, taking it back to reread. "Who did he warn?"
"Some of his other contacts and clients." Coulson walked in with Bobbi behind him. "Did you get the vision?"
"In my email," she said. "I went to one of the demon bars I've seen. They agreed someone had that idea again since the slayers weren't here to stop them. Though they thought there may be a slayer left here."
"A designated survivor sort?" Steve asked.
"Not sure," she admitted. "There were a few who were injured and retired that could've been here."
"Even if not or so, we're still here," Stark said. "I'll be damned if I'm going to die by some little biting demon." He looked at Coulson.
"I agree. We need to find information on it. I was thinking Natasha could help or Clint." He looked at them. "You both have some stranger contacts."
"We do," Natasha agreed.
"Plus a demon bar contact," Clint agreed dryly. "I can go see them later."
"Thank you," Coulson said. "We need a firmer date too. The president asked. One of his guards sees Xander. He got the same information this morning."
"We need to train some of us how to handle visions," Natasha said. "I have no idea what to do about someone having one if I see him doing so."
"James probably wouldn't have either," Steve said.
"We can ask." Bobbi sent a text message and a few minutes later the AI was announcing there was a visitor as he came off the elevator. "Andrew." She let him hug her and kiss her on the cheek. "Thank you for coming."
"I got a head's up from Xander so it's not a surprise about a talk."
"How do we handle him having a vision?" Natasha asked.
"Ah, the hard question." He pulled up something that Stark broadcast for them to see. "This is the standard booklet we give to people who're having their first few visions. It's not real rare but it's pretty rare still. We've found a few that got infected and a few who wished for them just in case something bad was going to happen to them again." He pointed. "This is the herbal tea that Xander learned in Africa that helps with the headache afterward. It can be steeped or it can be brewed for strength. I've seen one so bad that Xander made it into chicken noodle soup for her."
He looked at Natasha. "It tastes like monkey ass from what Xander said. I figure he'd know what a monkey's ass at least slightly smells like since he had to catch a few to eat them." He grinned. "There's almost nothing we can do to ease that problem. Especially Xander's. Unfortunately. We're keeping track of the level of damage it's done to him since we knew a few who had visions who died from them." Clint shuddered.
"Including Cordelia if he ever mentioned her," he told Clint, making him nod. "She had some severe brain changes from hers." He pointed at something else. "This is the basic reporting outline of what we need to know and if they just record it in a journal that's fine. Though we do appreciate having them noted by officials so we can keep track of how right they are. Most of them are pretty right until someone hears they had a vision so they change plans. Then sometimes we get a newly updated version and sometimes we don't. Xander's one that doesn't tend to get updated because there's powers that hate him. Especially the one who was over the slayers." He grimaced. "But Xander's only been off time.
"There's sixteen who have visions we know about who are pretty right. They mostly have smaller things seen. Things in their communities. A car crash here or there. A fire sometimes. There's three that have visions about huge things. One's got an affinity for fires. He sees forest fires. He works for the state of California." Andrew grinned. "Every year he gets a run about what's going to happen. They make plans from it and he's only missed one fire but it was set by an idiot." He shrugged. "The other two that see big things see huge things.
"One sees military things, and he's been recruited for just that skill. He travels to each of the active warzones to see if anything hits. He's had sixteen in the last year about bases being attacked and only missed two because they stopped them. He doesn't see ones that originate from within the base unfortunately. We taught him the headache tea and they hate it but it helps keep him out of an infirmary bed at times. He gets horrible migraines from his. He travels with a medic for an assistant and guard."
"Then we have Xander's," Natasha said.
Andrew nodded. "Xander's aren't from the higher powers that had been over the slayers. Xander and I both think someone who hated the Powers That Be gave them to him because he's the guy that started the changes within the slayer line."
"How?" Natasha asked.
Andrew grinned. "He beat an older prophecy about Buffy dying by doing CPR. That started off a lot of changes since there were two now and Buffy figured out she didn't have to go along with prophecies or the oversight of the old Council. At one point in time she told them they were fired and to bite her. Travers didn't really appreciate that. Though he had a price on Xander's scalp before then for beating that prophecy. It seems to have thrown off the PTB's game board by a lot." He smirked. "They had planned for centuries in advance and expected it to be followed." Steve groaned, shaking his head with a wince. "Yeah, Xander had common sense with his stubborn nature. The PTB *hate* Xander for all that. So we think he got gifted visions to pay them back for being dicks to other powers."
"That would make the slayers stronger and better," Natasha said.
"Only if they listened to him," Andrew said with a grin for her. "Xander should've been a girl named Cassandra at times. Now and then they listened but a lot of the times his advice was ignored until it was absolutely necessary but maybe a bit too late."
"I've seen that in a few of the videos he has," Clint said. "So now how sure can we be?"
"So far I haven't heard anyone's moved things. I've been looking into it but I haven't heard if it's planned for that specific date for a reason." They all nodded. "If so they can't really, usually, move it. They might move the place it ends up happening. I'm still looking and we have six months." Everyone nodded again. "Give me time to research, guys."
"There's rumors of a slayer still being here," Natasha said.
Andrew shook his head. "We have family of some here but all the girls were at the meeting."
"No designated survivor or one in the hospital?" she pressed.
"No."
"The one at Columbia?" Stark asked.
"Twin sister of one," Andrew said, smiling at him. "Her godfather is that arms dealer." That got a nod from Clint and Bobbi. "She's not a slayer."
"Any chance that we'll have one born here again?" Stark asked.
"No idea," he admitted but he was smiling. "I haven't searched out any potentials. That would endanger them. There's plenty of people willing to take back up the old Council's ways by taking them in to properly train them from near-birth. None of us are searching for future slayers."
"That's reasonable," Coulson agreed. "Thank you for sending Skye things to learn from."
Andrew looked at him. "She needs to get some help with a few of the meditations. I'd suggest the guy teaching yoga in London that is a full shaman trained by some in Canada. He's got training from a few different manners so he can show her the right path to work on."
"I'll suggest that to her. Do we have his name?" Andrew wrote it down from his phone then handed it over. "Thank you, Mr. Wells." He looked at the vision then at him. "How soon before we know how changeable it is?"
"A few weeks probably. We did keep all the books and information from the old Council but it's in a special area in storage."
"She didn't bring the books?"
"It'd take too much magic to do that. We think she made a photocopy of everything in the building to take with them to limit the stress on her magic."
"Oh." Natasha grimaced. "Why did she do that?"
"She thought she'd save humanity that way. Which it did help but she didn't realize that evil isn't a huge category." He shrugged. "She didn't ask anyone's opinion or we would've beaten her to death for that idea. I even tried to go back to stop her from doing it but I got blocked by some of the other higher powers. Not the PTB but a few others. Though, we did have an interesting talk with a higher priest of Janus. He wanted me to do it because it meant he'd have to do a lot more work that wasn't amusing him or his god.
"Speaking of, I need to see if Xander gave this vision to him. There might be interference, which could help a lot." He sent that text message then put up his phone. "Okay, give me a few weeks. We'll work on finding out their methodology. I'll let people know. And then I'll go kick someone's ass in Detroit to make them see that their peaceful community is actually very helpful in keeping other peace." He smiled and left again.
"He and Xander are bouncy the same way," Stark said. "That's good to know." Coulson shot him a dirty look. "They are."
"He's busy, Stark. He does a lot of things and then goes out to handle things that're too small for your team to deal with."
"I've seen that." He looked at the others. "How do we prepare for all this to go on? Usually we wouldn't have the time to build up to an event."
"I'm going to start by going over the invasion in LA's battle footage to see if there was a better way than using a sword to defeat them," Steve said.
"One of the two apocalypse battles Xander wasn't at," Clint said dryly. "Buffy didn't call him back for it and he was coming down with malaria for the one in Sudan. He showed up to help the after battles while sick."
"That's nuts," Bobbi said.
"The slayers had died in the battle," Clint told her. "Someone had to handle it and the locals were panicking. He said they asked nicely at gunpoint but were very polite and made sure he had a good place to rest before they got there and after the battle they made sure he had excellent hospital care because he was unconscious from the fever and injuries. That was about his sixth month in Africa. He had just barely started to train regional militaries how to handle things."
"If he was Asgardian, would there be epic myths written about him?" Stark asked.
Clint nodded. "Yup. There already are in the demon underground," James said from his corner. "I asked to get a better read on how he handled things."
Coulson looked at him. "I'd like to hear those to add to his file."
"I doubt it'd help agents not annoy him since one of them was how he stripped to entice a demon goddess into leaving a village alone then killed her with explosives and poison."
Coulson blinked a few times. "He did what?" he demanded.
"I think that was his nickname there for a while," Clint joked. Coulson scowled at him. "He made me and Nat in Marakesh look kinda normal."
"The second time?" Natasha asked, shifting to cross her legs.
"The third, Nat," he said with a grin. "The one you like to forget existed." She grimaced but nodded once. "Yeah, his whole road trip in Africa was weird while he was training slayers. Plus nagging, sometimes bitchy, girls to train."
She considered it. "Was the chaos his version of stress relief?"
"I asked him once, when he was remembering things, and he said it mostly just happened around him. He had to handle it as it happened." He looked at James. "Did you get all the myths? I've got them in two books but I know there's one missing and a few that weren't recorded."
"May I borrow those?" Coulson asked. "Just so we get a good feel for what Mr. Harris will do the next time he's attacked?"
"He'll attack back. Not like he has minions to order around," Clint said dryly. "Sometimes he's creative but he does handle it as he sees fit."
"Like him sending the agent bothering him to the Determinant Council so he could see how many demon threats were left on this plane?" Steve asked. Clint grinned but nodded. "It seems to work but I'm more worried about him being attacked and the weapons being destroyed."
"Nah, that's all safely put up," Clint said. "If he's not there, no one can get into the vault or the weapons safe. The safe room's set up so only he or Andrew can get people out."
"What happens if he's taken and we need into his weapons safe?" Steve asked. He looked at James.
"I hacked and gave myself an in with it," he said. "Then I told Xander why. He agreed it was tactically sound."
"How many weapons?" Coulson asked. "I know that other attempt to restart SHIELD is worried about them."
James and Clint both snorted. "They're more worried that he's the sort that'll stick up for what's right, which is against them," James said. "That's why that one showed up. They thought he might be *dangerous*."
"I'm sure he is if and when he's forced to be," Stark agreed. "How often is he forced to be?"
"Only now and then," Clint said. "We've seen him be more crafty than out there as a warrior."
"I'm wondering if Thor would know any warriors like him," Steve said.
"Are there other warriors like him," Stark shot back.
"Probably not," Natasha said. She stood up. "Let me know what we have soon, people. I'm going to go check on Mr. Harris's weapons." She strolled off. James went with her since he could get into them.
Clint shook his head. "She'll come back happy."
Stark looked at him. "I did that a few times too, but only over my own designs." He turned back to his board. "Let me know what our plan is, Capscile."
"I can do that." He walked off with the footage pulled up on one of Tony's tablets. The others got to talk about ideas for strategy. How did one handle an overwhelming force of human eating demons with swords?
***
Xander walked out of the kitchen, staring at the two assassins who had walked in. "Problems, guys?"
"She wanted to look at weapons since we're figuring out how to handle the upcoming invasion that got foreseen."
"Be honest, James. Women like Natasha like weapons and I'm pretty sure if she found Anya's old trunk of toys and a way into the vault she'd be happy for weeks." He grinned at her. "But only I get to fondle my weapons, Natasha." He walked off.
"Should you be taunting clients that way?" she called after him.
He smirked. "Even if he lets you in there he can't get to all of them. So yup. It's a great collection that I like to sit in while I'm having bad days." He went back into the kitchen. "Beyond that, I'm pretty sure you've heard more sexist teases in the past, Natasha. You're a woman who inspires them." He shot her a look. "And if you had been insulted you'd have hit me."
"I have heard worse and said worse on assignment," she agreed with a smirk. "Though that is a charming proposition."
He grinned. "You're not the client I have to hire help for."
She blinked. "There's one of those?"
"No comment."
"I know men who have done that in the past. They can only talk when tied to a chair by a pretty woman." She followed James up to the vault, walking in and staring. "Very nice sword collection." He spun a panel of swords around to show guns. She ran a finger over one. "Nicer and more handy for things that I do." He showed her the others, letting her wander around to look at them and the knives. She found the drawer with electrical weapons and tasers, touching them. "Very nice." Everything had a holding space. She could see what had been used and not replaced yet. It was like a fancy closet organizer system had gotten used. "Is his closet this nice?"
"He's barely got a closet." He pointed at a doorway. She looked. "Yes, he has a half-bathroom in here."
"Hmm. It looks like he keeps a cleaning kit in here too, just in case he's indisposed while cleaning something." She closed the cabinet and followed the short hallway to the more open area. This was where the higher weapons were. She blinked, walking around them. The original cases were gone. Each higher weapon was in a lined glass case with any extra missile heads or anything of the like put in with it. She opened one. It opened silently and smoothly. There was nothing holding the weapon into place. It easily fit back into the case and the lid slowly closed itself. "Very nice." She checked, the walls didn't move. There was no other area. "Is this all of them?"
James casually reached over to punch a spot on the wall that turned out to hold a button. Stairs descended from the ceiling and a panel on the floor slid out of the way to show more. "He only keeps the favorite babies in here. I can't get up past one floor in either direction but I know there's more."
She went up first and he heard the moan, making him grin. She came back down. "That door is locked by magic?" He shrugged. "Hmm. Interesting." She went down to look at those. Another slightly lesser moan.
Xander walked in nibbling on a sandwich, handing James an apple as he walked past them. He walked up the stairs while nibbling and opened the next floor's doorway. He grinned at her and pointed. She walked up there and the moan made him a happy boy. He leaned in. "Sometimes you gotta have stuff for an apocalypse battle."
She ran a hand over a case. "This should be shown off."
"Nah, it's scratched. There's six that're in line to be put into the pretty cases if the ones in there get used." He grinned. "You're welcome for the happy girl time." She scowled but he smiled. "Anything else you wanted to pet?"
"How many more layers are there?"
"Enough. They're not all full." He finished his sandwich. She followed him back down but pulled him downstairs to open up the next one down there. The moans were reminding him of happy times with Anya and he wasn't beyond dick teasing dangerous women who might know someone he could date later.
James moaned at her moan of pleasure and pain down there. He went down to look, moaning at the weapons he hadn't seen. Very large weapons of moan making. James opened one's case to look at better. Xander pointed at the core that had been removed. Xander grinned. Natasha had just let out another moan at something she had pulled the sheet off of. James turned to look. He walked over to stare at it then at Xander. "How?"
"Stolen by a few demons so the dick wouldn't have them." He grinned. "It's at least safe with me."
She stared at him. "Can I bring Stark in here?"
"No one has sexy times on my weapons but me, dear."
She swatted him, giving him a look. "Those are too large not to have somewhere safer."
"People attack your building. They don't attack here and it's shielded beyond national vault standards if they try." He sat on top of something.
James came over to look at what he was sitting on. "Does it make you hotter to sit on top of the proton weapon?"
"It's not exactly a dick statement but I don't need one anyway, James. Just ask Anya's friend." He looked at the doorway. "Hey, Hallie."
She stared then at him. "We need to talk."
"About?"
"I found family." He hopped up to come talk to her. She hissed in his ear, getting a nod. "I was answering for one of her friends she was sleeping over with."
"Is she safe?"
"So far. Others will try to make sure she won't be. They're looking like the old ways are better."
"Natasha." He walked in to hiss in her ear. "I think you know what's facing her."
She considered it. "US?"
"Canadian," Hallie said. "I'd come in but it's got anti-demon protections." Natasha came out to talk to her. She called someone to help that child. Hallie smiled, patting her on the shoulder. "I knew I could count on you or Xander to make sure she didn't grow up like you did," she said quietly then disappeared.
"Yes, I will," Natasha said. Once she was done she came in to look at the other weapons. She and Xander shared a look. "She was correct, it will not happen again."
"If they try, then maybe I have a little sister again," he said bluntly. She smiled and nodded slightly. "I'd show you more but that's my happy time and I'm only going to share that after marriage."
"Tempting but not in my plans at this time." She strolled off, clearly needing to clean up a bit of dampness.
James looked at Xander. "Go help the lady," Xander told him. James followed her. Xander went to get in some more weapons petting time while he thought. If his clients showed up, they'd come check the vault for him since he had put up a sign saying he was cleaning guns in the room off his bedroom.
***
Natasha got back to the tower an hour later, looking much more calm. She walked up to the lab, staring at Stark since he was alone. "Xander has confiscated weapons," she said quietly.
"Is that your sexy voice?" he teased. "You sound like you were moaning, Miss Romanoff."
"Perhaps. Then again, Xander was lounging on a proton bomb like it was a sex couch."
Stark sat up straighter, staring at her. "Seriously?" She nodded. "We should make sure they're safe."
"They are safe but it's most amusing what he's confiscated. Including some of the idiot Max's toys."
He smiled. "That's something to make me moan too."
"You should see his vault."
Clint strolled in with a bottle of water for Natasha. "You look like you were sweating. Did you get past the closet of doom?"
"How did you?"
"I had to come in from the emergency exit I found by accident. It's guarded but he's got certain clients logged in." She stared at him. "How many layers did you see?"
"The closet, two up and two down. James could only get one up or down but Xander opened the door for us."
He grinned. "You should see his confiscation vault, Natasha. It's very sweet."
"How far off that is there?"
"Right below the level with Max's bullshit toys."
She smirked. "We should see those." He hissed in her ear and she shivered. "That is a very nasty idea. Who had it originally?"
"Holly Pierce."
She nodded, eyes half open. "Interesting. How did he get them from her?"
"She was his for about a weekend. Then he found out what she was doing. That made her a threat to him so he...encouraged her to give it up. That's when she went to the spa in Greece for a week then decided to change careers for six months."
"I would love to see those."
"Xander knows I saw them. I found him napping in there. There's a way once you're in the sealed vault areas. Which are what James hadn't been able to get into." She nodded, walking off with him following. Stark came with them. The emergency exit Clint had seen had very few listed people allowed. Clint, Bobbi, two others who knew how to handle emergency situations and might need it for a good reason. He got them inside then showed them how to bypass the locks. They ended up on the next floor, which had wall cabinets that locked holding labeled baggies. Xander came down to swat Clint. "Just showing her the really nasty things," Clint said with a grin. "I love making Nat a happy girl."
"Then I can let her glimpse into the sealed area for you," Xander said dryly. "Not like I'm going to use the incubus created club drugs with biological weapons to turn people into mindless rutting beasts."
Natasha stared at him then at the wall. "Why is this lubricant sample here?"
He grinned. "Holly had laced it with smallpox. I'd rather I have this instead of her."
She nodded. "Me as well. Incubus club drugs?"
"Yeah. Bit stronger than they expected. It should have made people feel like an incubus or a succuba. Instead it makes them bitches in heat and you need to be filled to make it all better. For. Six. Days." She shivered. "Yeah, that's why I confiscated it." He grinned and wiggled a finger. He opened the vault door and turned on the light so she could see in there. She did moan in a way that created stiffies from all the men. He closed the door, kissing her on the forehead. "I have a napping safe spot on the next floor down. You're welcome. Happy birthday." He strolled off.
Stark looked at things. "Harris, can we have these destroyed?"
"No. I've used one to send to a demon realm that takes humans hostages as fun toys to break." He shot a grin back at him. "I'm not exactly a *white* knight. More like a gray one." He shrugged but grinned. "Have fun, guys." He went back to talking to Leo Fitz. "Sorry, a client got nosy about my weapons vault. They're having fun in there." He settled on the couch.
He blinked a few times. "Is it dangerous?"
"No. Very few people have access to it. Especially to those levels. Even if they get in there they can't get much beyond that and I've turned off the paralytic gas that would normally have gotten them. My weapons are very well protected, Leo. Don't worry about them."
"Our boss...."
"Doesn't have any permission to get in there. Sorry but I don't trust them. At all."
Stark walked in, staring at him. "I spotted that gel."
"You know the outside of that tube's coated in poison, right?" he asked. "The sign's still on it?"
"Yes. I saw it before I touched it."
"Did you take something for the plate you stepped on getting to it?" Stark's eyes went wide. Xander got up and led him up to the office, getting into his kit. He handed him a bottle. "A very good anti-toxin I carried with me in Africa. Wicca made but very strong. It'll cure the one on the floor panel anti-theft plates. Aren't you glad the security system said Clint was going there so I turned off the paralytic gas?"
Stark took it, nodding. "Thanks."
"Welcome." He grinned. "I'm not stupid, Stark. There's a ton of protections up there. Things are hidden more if I think they're more nasty."
"There's worse than Max's bombs?"
"Yes, there are." Stark shuddered. "You have to be a god to get into that vault. Which you're not." He grinned. "I keep all those sort of things out of evil hands. Though I do reserve the right to use them if I need to so humanity's saved."
"What good would that incubus drug do for that?" Stark asked.
"Well, first, it's sure stopped a battle cold a few times," he said dryly. "Almost immediately stopped because it works for six days and you end up so damn sore you can't fight." He grinned. "I used it against a rebel band that was about to take out a village I was in." Stark shivered. "They deserved it."
"Probably."
"Secondly, I sold some to a realm that was going to have to come here to eat women so they could breed. It created the breeding need so they didn't have to invade." Stark gaped, then shook his head with a sigh. "They're rich with kids now. No invasion. They took six hundred incubus and succuba with them to help with that." He grinned at the older genius. "It helped a lot."
"Yeah, I guess it did." He stared at him. "How bad can it get?"
"I have one thing that's sealed in a vault all by itself. I don't even think about the vault or its contents in case we end up with telepaths."
Stark nodded. "Good to know. Can I take some of that incubus drug to test? It could be weeded down to something to help like viagra."
"Only if you really like taking it. It's engineered to make you want to take it. It turns you into a bitch in heat."
"Now I see why it stopped a battle. May I?" Xander dug into his kit and tossed it over. "Emergency needs?"
"Not like I don't have a few special friends who have wanted to try it out." He shrugged. "I demand they get permission if they're testing it on a minion. Well, and the one master vampire douche nozzle that I drugged his drink on so he'd have to quit bragging about his prowess and he'd lose power in the local community." He shrugged. "I so got a happy card from the local demon bar for doing that to him. They all hated him."
Stark looked at the bottle then at him. "I won't ask. Let me go back to my lab with this. Maybe I can tame it down."
"Mix it with bourbon and for some reason it gets stronger. Even when the six days is done. You have about a week of being sensitive to something kicking it back into being."
"Thanks for the warning." He walked it off, shooting Clint a text message that he was going back to his lab with a sample.
Xander went back to Leo's time. He had been listening in. Xander grinned. "That master vampire was causing a lot of local stress that would've gotten the peaceful community up in arms. One of the groups gave me a two hundred dollar grocery store gift card in thanks."
Leo nodded. "I know a few I'd like to introduce that to for the same reason."
Xander grinned, punching him on the arm lightly. "It got made off some native demon realm plants. It's really handy to know when you have dates like some of mine."
"Do we have the recipe?"
"Not translated."
"Pity. I know someone who'd adore that."
***
Leo Fitz ended up at Stark tower that night. He asked for admittance to the lab and got let up by Stark. He nodded politely. "He has the recipe for that substance but it's not translated. He's got a few others he's collected over the years. One of the vault levels is a library of such things."
"That's great to know. Are you okay, Fitz?"
"Not fully. Things are still...still wrong."
"I felt that for months after I got back from Afghanistan."
Leo smiled. "I figured you would have. I thought you'd like to know that fact and that some of them are poisons."
"Even better for him to hide them." He grinned. "Want to see it?"
"Please." He came over to look at the chemical makeup of that formula. "He said it was from some plants that are native to some demon realms."
"Interesting. I wonder if we could cultivate them here."
"I didn't ask."
"I can go ask him." Steve walked in looking worried. "Leo Fitz, I'm sure you've at least seen pictures of Steve Rogers. Rogers, this is Leo Fitz, one of Coulson's top R&D people."
"Pleasure," Steve said, shaking his hand.
"The same, Captain," he said with a faint smile. "I came over to look at the things we had discovered earlier in Xander's hiding."
"I saw the swords and handguns," Steve said. "What's that do?"
"Turns you into a needy bitch in heat," Stark said. "For six days. Some incubus made it."
"Really?"
"Yes," Leo said with a grin. "Xander said he averted an invasion by things that needed to eat women to breed by dusting them with it."
Steve considered it then nodded. "That fits in with Xander's past exploits. I got the books, Stark." He handed them over. "Have you seen Natasha or Clint? I was due to spar with her tonight."
"They're in Xander's vault," Leo said. "Looking at things he's confiscated, like this was."
Steve nodded. "I'm glad he could confiscate it. I can't imagine what would've happened if HYDRA had control of it."
"Don't tempt me," Stark warned with an evil smirk. "That's one way to make sure they don't fight back."
"It's morally wrong," Steve said. "Though it would be easier." He walked off. "If you hear from her, let her know I'll spar with her tomorrow. Nice talking to you, Leo. I have to find something for this headache."
The two engineers shared a grin and got back to work on that formula. They could see using it during a real battle that they were about to lose. Not even Captain America could be upset about that use. Unless it caught him too.
***
Natasha showed up in Xander's bedroom that night, after he had laid down to read a graphic novel. "Teach me how to make this one?" she asked, holding it up.
He grinned, looking at it. "Not that hard if you can smoosh herbs and cook."
"I don't know what a few of those herbs are or how to smoosh herbs. It wasn't something I was taught."
He got up and took her shopping to get the few things he didn't have, then took her to his lab area. "One of my people can only talk while fiddling with things," he said. She nodded she understood that. She sparred for that same effect but not everyone could fight. He showed her how to crush and cook it down. "It'll take at least another day to fully gel, then you add the pectin to finish gelling it. In this state it's weaker until it's thick enough to coat a spoon. This level would probably only sicken a mouse."
She nodded, stirring it carefully. "Interesting. I was never interested in such studies before."
"Herbology can be very handy, and so can potions," Xander said with a smile. She smirked back. "We had to use it many times."
"I can understand why. Has this one been tested?"
"Yes. It's how I got a biological weapons guy out of my face. He was courting me to try to get me as a test subject." She shivered, nodding. "It meant he couldn't do that or spread anything else out."
"Good to know." She checked it. "Constant stirring?"
"Just enough to keep it from crystalizing. If it crystalizes up it'll get hella powerful and smell gross."
"Can it be used in that form?"
"Yeah, then you grind it up and spread it as a powder."
"How did you use it?"
"I cooked dinner." He grinned. "Don't touch anything else in here. He'll freak out at anything touching his stuff or herbs." She nodded. He let her stare at the cooking serum. That reminded him, he needed more antidotes made. He sent an email to the chaos mage he went to for that, getting one back when he woke up that they'd be done in a few days. He went to check on Natasha, bringing her some coffee. She had split the batch to let some crystalize and was testing it against a mouse she had found outside. It was presently writhing in pain as it died. The other one given the serum was limp but alive. "Having fun?"
"A lot. Thank you." She smiled. He grinned back, going to make them breakfast. She looked at the plate then at him before taking it. "I know you have no reason to poison me."
He smiled. "No. I don't. I wouldn't ever give me a reason."
"Point." She took a bite and he settled in to eat all of his with her while they talked. James still confused her and she was still unsettled after all the problems with the alternate reality machine the team had run into recently.
***
Coulson walked into Stark's lab and nearly got attacked by a robot but he managed to avoid the spraying from Dum-E. Unfortunately Butterfingers was behind him and hit him pretty hard, making him stumble. "Stark."
"Busy," he mumbled, looking up something. "Not today."
"We need to know what you saw in Harris' vault." He stood up and ducked another hit from Butterfingers and Dum-E. The AI set off a beam that kept him from moving. Stark couldn't hear him and he couldn't move even a finger while it was on. It gave him plenty of time to think while staring over Stark's shoulder. He had no idea why he was looking up ancient poisons. It wasn't really in his field of interest.
***
Clint walked into Stark's lab, ignoring Coulson's frozen form. He put a small vial in front of Stark, making him look up. "Xander taught Natasha how to make that one in both forms." He grinned. "She brewed her first potion and had breakfast."
"That's great. Does it work?"
"Yes. She's got all sorts of mean ideas on how to use it." He walked off.
Stark ran an analysis on that poison. It looked effective. Especially if it was gotten into a mucus membrane for absorption. He turned around to look at his lab, frowning even before he saw the frozen form. "When did you get here?" Coulson stared at him. "JARVIS, release him enough that he can answer questions." The beam lessened around the agent's head. "How long have you been there?"
"A few hours. Why are you and Natasha looking at poison samples?"
"I think she thinks it's neat." He smirked. "Harris opened up some of his cabinets to her and us."
Natasha strolled in. "Is it strong enough? I didn't fully cook it for the ten hours, only nine then I ended up needing a rest."
"It looks really strong, Natasha." He let her see. She smirked a tiny little kitty smirk at him. "How many more recipes does he have?"
"Many he's confiscated or won at poker."
"Then it's a good thing he felt like sharing." He swatted her on the arm. "How long has he been here?"
"Approximately five hours," she said. She turned to look at Coulson, who sighed. She looked at Stark again. "We have found out why James was able to get into his closet gun cabinet when the rest could not. Xander's working on how to fix that loophole for later things."
"It's good someone can help him with that," Coulson said.
"He does not need help with the weapons," Stark said. "He's been confiscating bigger things from the demon community for a few years now. Like this poison's recipe, it's in safer hands with him."
"We worry someone could get it from him," Coulson said.
"No one can get into his vault," Natasha said. "Clint has a way in to a few levels if something huge should happen. As do a few other clients he could trust. There's places in there that no one can get in and he doesn't even think about having in case someone reads his mind. Those he trusts have limited access." She looked at Stark. "That anti-inhibitor?"
"Could be very useful in certain circumstances, including some of your style of missions," he agreed smugly. "I've also tracked where he gets antidotes from and asked to see them so we can test them and then possibly hoard them." She smiled, nodding slightly. "It was very strong and I could tell why."
"I'll have to ask him for something to help later on then." She strolled off. "I'm going to rest."
"Steve was looking for you to spar but he said he'd see you today."
"That's fine. I'll do that after a rest and lunch."
Stark grinned at Coulson. "Xander's a great help in many ways." He got back to work. "JARVIS, let him leave." The AI let Coulson go so he could track down Natasha to talk to her. Unfortunately he was knocked out in the elevator. He woke up in a car in the garage. He went back to the office to talk to Bobbi. She was one of Xander's more favored clients. "What do you know of his vault?" he asked her when she walked into his office.
She shrugged. "I've seen a few things. I know if I need to I can access the main area that has special weapons. I haven't needed to or gotten curious enough to explore. Why?" She ate a bite of her apple.
"Harris let Natasha make a poison he had a recipe for and exposed that he had confiscated a drug that was an anti-inhabitant."
"I'm sure she'll love those for missions. It goes well with her mind screwing." She ate another bite, staring at him. "Xander's only dangerous if you make him be, Coulson. Just like any wild animal that's slightly domesticated." She walked off finishing her apple. She realized she couldn't stop this battle in the making but she could sit back and be amused. Xander didn't always fight in the same way everyone else did. And sometimes others might show up to help him without him asking. That's why she smelled the succuba appear and shook her head. She wasn't saving Coulson. Really, a bit of action might make him feel more secure.
Leo Fitz stopped her by popping out of a room and laying a hand on her arm. "May I ask you for a tiny bit of help?" he asked.
"Sure, Fitz. What's wrong?" She followed him to hear about his idea. Xander had some wacky ones that might be a good idea. Them being locked in a room to make them talk it out? Could be a good idea.
***
Phil Coulson didn't know what to do. It had been three days. There were now six succuba that were trying to entice him, and an incubus who had said Clint was pretty. He hadn't been able to banish them, brush them off, discourage them with logic, or order them to leave him alone. "Nick Fury didn't have days like this," he complained. He huffed, but looked up at the tap to his doorway. "Captain? Is there a problem?"
He smirked, handing over the note. "Clint sent it so he doesn't have to beat you yet." He handed it over. "You're having a rebellion?"
"No, Harris sicced some succuba on me and an incubus has been asking me permission to court Clint."
"Xander didn't sic them on you. He did laugh when someone told him, but he didn't do it. He was talking to James when that poker contact showed up. James told me about it. They thought it'd help you relax before you started something that would finish bringing down all the versions of SHIELD that're trying to reform."
Coulson sighed. "I'm not that uptight."
"You are," Steve said, smiling at him. "The other main group is just as bad. The other mini one trying to restart needs to be absorbed by whoever ends up on top." He stared at him. "Remember, we have an invasion in about four months." He walked off. Coulson could save himself.
Phil Coulson looked at the note, shaking his head. "No, I'm not going to sell you to an incubus." He put it aside and went to get something to eat. It'd help his mood and might give him an idea of how to drive off the insistent sex demons. He frowned as he passed the lab. The door was locked, the window was covered over. He started to knock but Melinda shook her head. "Problems?"
"They're talking," she said. "That's so they have to talk."
"Ah. That's not a bad idea." He went to get some coffee. When a succuba showed up with strawberries, Melinda nicely ran her off. "Thank you," he said quietly, sipping his coffee.
"Welcome. They're disturbing. Though maybe we should hire a few to take over the missions Romanoff used to do." She walked off with her strawberries. She could use some fruit.
Coulson nodded. "Perhaps but I doubt they'd conform to the rules."
***
Xander got tired of being the chess piece both sides wanted to capture and use. He called both 'directors' to a spot and met them there. "Sit. Down," he said when they noticed each other. "Now please. We have to talk, gentlemen. You're trying to use me and I've already seen another major demonic event in just under four months." Both 'directors' stared at him. "Sit. Please," he said with a small smirk.
Coulson sat down. "I've seen that vision."
The other one huffed but sat down. "I still think you're dangerous, Harris."
Xander smirked at him. "I'm only dangerous when you make me be. You're pushing me toward it and I'll gladly blow the fuck out of your people for it. Now, would you like to act like a big boy agent and help protect your people? Or are you going to keep throwing fits trying to gather power?" He stared at him. "Because I can gladly leave you out of all this and let you falter." The man shut up but nodded. "Thank you." He slid the file he had brought with him. "This is the second vision of the invasion. It gives more information on the type of demon. I've done some research on how they're killed, how many we could be expecting, all that."
They took their copies to look over, the new one nodding. "All right. So we've got a major event coming in twenty-six weeks," he said, looking at Xander. "How much support are you requesting?"
"Do you really think I'm going to be fighting an invasion on my own?" he asked dryly. "Because I know I can't. I'm good but I'm not that sort of God." He stared at him. "I thought you wanted to run a national security agency." He looked at Coulson. "I've given all my clients the newly updated one and this information file. The one that's in the Secret Service has shared. The higher one in the FBI got asked if he was pregnant with the way he was trying to settle his stomach over it." Coulson smirked a tiny bit but nodded. "So we're going to have to figure this out. Since it's due to another mystical alignment, they can't stop it to prove power moves or anything. They can try to keep them from coming over, but they're highly overcrowded. Like killing each other is considered fun, worse than Rome fun, overcrowded. So even if they try to prove me wrong there's still some coming. These ones don't eat people but they're dangerous and their touch is poisonous to us."
"So we'll need to arrange clothes that cover," Coulson said. "Any method of killing?"
"Beheading or at least cutting in half. Anywhere above their armpits coming apart from their bodies will work."
Coulson nodded. "Okay. We could conceivably use a shotgun to just hit the chest?"
"Regenerates if not disconnected. The kill spot is on the chest, but it will regenerate all the way from death. Like mohra if you don't break their forehead jewel."
"Okay, so we have to hit below that spot," Coulson said, looking at the notes. There was a figure drawing in there that marked the line they had to hit above. "Swords?"
"A lot of chopping," Xander said. "Large caliber shotguns will take multiple shots. We may not have enough to use artillery but we could conceivably do that to a large group then clean up."
"Is there any indication of them coming as an army instead of a group of fleeing people?" the other 'director' asked.
Xander shook his head. "I've asked the demons who can scry over there. They're all armed. Their military only wears hats to distinguish them and they have mandatory service to try to weed down the population. They're about a generation and a half off a really huge war that nearly killed their planet. They were breeding to beef that up then their enemies got taken out by a solar flare." Xander shrugged. "I couldn't tell the difference and neither could the ones scrying."
"So it's armed civilians versus an army," the other 'director' said.
"Who are all poisonous to us," Coulson said. "All they have to do is brush against us to poison us and if they get enough of us out of the way they could easily cure some of the overcrowding by taking over at least the city it's going to happen in."
"And the city's not all that friendly," Xander said. "It's in Detroit. Their gangs hate the demons, they hate everyone right now." Coulson grimaced but nodded. "Economically depressed areas means that we can't count on community support like we've had in New York and LA. Or even in Chicago when we had gang kids coming out to go 'hell no, it's our land and only we can have it'."
"I saw the film of that battle," Coulson said. "I would hope we could raise some support in Detroit."
"I've sent notice to the local government there and the governor. I nearly got killed by the governor's message back." He stared at him. "The president told him to stop it and he's still whining."
"Great," the other 'director' sighed. "So a battle in a powder keg environment and we might be attacked by the people as well as the demons." Xander nodded. "Now I can see why you called, Mr. Harris."
Xander stared at him. "I could go handle it myself but me detonating a dirty bomb in their world probably isn't considered polite and is something I should do as a last resort," he said sarcastically. The man shuddered. "I'm sure I can find someone to make me one if you want to do that instead."
"I think it'd make us more enemies," Coulson said. "Can we ask the first few if they're there to talk about a peace treaty? Just for form's sake?"
"Hey, if you want to stand in front of a group of running, armed, dangerous demons to see if they want to be here peacefully go for it."
Coulson nodded. "We'll see if that might be something that will ease some public protests. There'll be some, I know you've seen them."
"Yup, and told them to grow the hell up. PETA is stupidly rabid about battles." His phone rang. "Yeah?" he answered. He listened. "What the fuck?" he demanded, standing up. "Seriously? Anyone handling it? Anything come through?" He winced. "Yeah, I can come at least consult. Hey, if I had a debt to someone who could teleport.... Let me call the coven." He hung up and called her. "Sansara, it's Xander. There's a huge battle in the outside area of Budapest." He listened. "Please. No, I'm not at home. I'm about twenty from home and we don't have that time. I'll have to count on the locals."
He nodded. "Later, guys. I didn't order or anything so work it out. All right? HYDRA's bad enough but you two at war is going to cause everyone problems." He walked outside. "Okay, I'm in the open." He disappeared, hanging up as he landed. He looked around, pushing his sunglasses down from his hair. He spotted a cop car and stepped in front of it, making it stop. "I'm Watcher Xander Harris. Your people called for me to show up. Where is the portal?"
The officer called that in and got him into the car, taking him to there. "Here, sir," he yelled.
"I was meeting with agency people over an invasion in Detroit in four months," he said, shaking one general's hand. "What do we have?" They showed him to the portal. It was nearly open and he could see the other side's army being pep talked. "Fuck," he said, getting a cough but a nod from the general. Xander considered it. "Two choices. It opens and we blow them with something nasty. Or it opens, we fight them while the coven closes it and then send something nasty at the end," he said, looking at him.
"Their sort are shootable. Head shots only." The general walked him off to talk about it. They had no access to anything 'nasty' but Xander called some contacts and one brought him something he had 'confiscated' from someone by killing their group. The general thanked him for that service and let him leave before they looked up who he was. Xander grinned at his contact, kissing him on the cheek in thanks and hissing he'd see him later.
***
Tony Stark looked up as his lab's screens all started to show a news report about a battle in Europe. "Get the others, JARVIS."
"Already showing, sir, and all but Captain Rogers is responding. He's in the bathroom."
"Tell him anyway. He can get dressed while he shits." He ran for his suit.
Upstairs, Natasha was complaining about Budapest, again, and Clint was nodding but arming up. Steve Rogers came out pulling on his uniform shirt. Clint stepped on the toilet paper his foot was trailing, getting a nod from Steve for it. They gathered extra weapons and headed for the quin jet. James climbed on at the last minute, settling beside Steve to check his guns and knives. Clint and Natasha flew them off.
***
Xander looked up at the landing jet, nodding. "Stark," he called, waving him over. He stomped that way. "Hype this bigger. It's going over as soon as that portal opens."
Stark nodded, getting into it. "Who had this?"
"Some group that hated others. A friend...confiscated it from them."
"Good on your friend." They heard the alarm that the portal was starting to open. They gathered. Stark sent the bomb over once it was opened. The army there got some damage before rushing over and the battle was on. Xander jumped in too with some weapons the local military had let him borrow. The other bombs were sent and the coven got there to end the portal. A few had to be gotten by the military behind the main group but they got most of them. Xander leaned down, panting hard when the portal fell. He felt someone rushing toward him, pulling up his gun as he stood up. James held up his hands, stopping. "Sorry."
"I do the same thing," he said dryly. "Medical?"
"Not a chance. I don't trust anyone with my blood," he said quietly. He put the gun up.
"Tough. They won't take any. I'll make sure, kid." Xander shot him a dirty look. "Now. Before I have to ask Barton to help me haul you over there." Xander huffed but let himself be moved to the medical tent for stitches. "He doesn't want any of his blood noted anywhere," he told the nurse in Russian. She grimaced but nodded.
"I got exposed to mermaid taint when I was a teenager," Xander said with a grin. "I don't want that in bad hands."
"I wouldn't either," she agreed. They finished fixing him and let him go with the team. Xander handed the weapons back and filled out a report on what he knew about those demons and why they had tried this. A new leader trying to prove his might wasn't that bright it seemed. He left one of his cards in case they needed him again. On one side it listed him as a therapist and on the other it listed him as a former Watcher. Both had his cellphone and home numbers.
The nurse told her supervisor that. "Mermaid taint?" she asked. "What does that do?" One of their people looked it up and they all nodded. It was contagious from blood contact. That was a good decision of that boy's. They could make notes for the military to put into a sealed file. Just in case they needed him to come back again.
***
Xander walked into his house, shaking his head at the two staring men. "What? I'm exhausted and not too polite right now."
Coulson stared at him. "Mermaid taint?"
"Yeah. Back in high school we had a swim coach that was tainting the team through the sauna. Since so many of them changed black and slimy before starting to snack on the students, I joined to see why. They detoxed me but I don't allow anyone near my blood. Usually I'd even do my own stitches." He leaned against the back of a chair. "Why does it suddenly matter?"
"It's not in your files," the other 'director' said. "We'd worry about someone having to treat you."
"I'd never let your medical people treat me," he said dryly. "Too many of them are into torture and experimentation on people. I destroy people like that." The older man stepped back but nodded once. "I didn't put up with it from the Initiative. I didn't put up with it from the NID people that tried the slayers. I didn't put up with it when the NID people tried to capture me twice in Africa. I'm damn sure not going to put up with it now. Especially with a presidential order to leave my blood the hell alone."
Coulson held up a hand. "I was not aware of that order but I can make note of it."
"Frankly, half of your science teams see me the same way they do Skye, Coulson. Inhuman." He gave him a pointed look. "They can keep their plots to themselves please."
"Gladly. I don't want them to even think about that sort of idea. It's wrong. Frankly, if they wanted to look at mermaid taint or blood, I'd let them find one to take blood from and release again without torturing them."
"Great. There's a huge group that's migrating past DC in a few weeks." He grinned. "They're migrating to the Keys."
"I'll make note of that." He looked at the other director then at Xander. "How much do you know about what HYDRA's doing?"
"I've got contacts who're watching them because they're not exactly the sort to make peace with the demon community." He shifted then turned the chair around to sit. "The poker circuit and the various overlording groups are very concerned about them. The Determinant Council is extremely worried about them trying the various demon communities like the Initiative tried."
"We'd like to stop that," the other director said.
Xander stared at him. "You're trying to be more open about things yet still hiding a lot of secrets that are detrimental to humanity. The same as Coulson's group is. Frankly, I hope you both merge and go under someone with some damn sense or logic. You both have faults. You're both looking at the wrong things. You're both fighting against the same enemy and against each other. Find some way to make 'the enemy of my enemy is my temporary best friend' come true." He stood up. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I really need a meal and a nap. Battles do that to one." He stared at them both.
"They do," Coulson said. "I've been in a few that were that bad. We'll come back tomorrow to talk about HYDRA?"
"Get Bobbi to go talk to the poker circuit, Coulson. They like her. They think she's pretty yet mean. The demonic mafia guys even like her. She can easily go ask so you don't have to have me translate."
"I hadn't thought of it but I can do that," the other 'director' agreed. "She can come report to both sides."
"You two need to be one side," Xander reminded him. "Even if you're two agencies. Neither of you are the SHIELD for humanity. I doubt you'll ever be a good SHIELD for humanity. Then again, neither was the original. It created problems that guys like me had to solve. Please, solve it for me so I can be a happy therapist who occasionally has to handle something."
They left him alone. Coulson looked at his counterpart out by their cars. "He's right, we do need to work together to stop HYDRA at the very least."
The other 'director' nodded. "We do. I don't like your methods."
"There were plenty of times I wondered why we did things but sometimes people don't want to know about things. Harris knows that too. The Council got a lot of flack for some of the things that came out of the closet." They shared a look. "Usually he is more polite but you tried to force him to work against you so you could legitimately take his weapons. He'd probably get more and meaner then use it against the ones against him. Remember, he grew up like Barton without the circus and has had to be worse than agents more than once." He walked off. "I'll get Morse to my office."
"Thank you. We'll meet tomorrow at noon." He left, thinking about that. He didn't want to make someone like Barton work against him or his agency. He didn't want to make someone like Stark do so either. He'd rather have allies like Harris than enemies. He could make peace with Harris and subtly move up to take over his duties to humanity as he got too injured. He spotted the man walking up the street, pausing to stare at him. "How," he said.
James scowled at him. "I hope you didn't piss Xander off. He's a bit mean right now thanks to the battle exhaustion. He'll be nicer after he sleeps and has some food." He walked inside without knocking and slammed the door, locking it. "Xander, I'm here," he called. He heard a snore and smiled, going to help Xander out of the kitchen and up to his bed. He could eat when he got up. James went down to make food for them both. He was starving after the battle too.
***
We All Need A Bit of Help Sometimes.