Bucky was sitting there when Xander woke up from his post-potion and heaving nap. Xander grimaced. "I'm not going to yell. I'm going to apologize."
"I doubted you wanted to do this where others could hear." Xander made himself sit up even though his stomach still hurt and now his side was aching. He looked down at it then at Bucky. "So, why did you go back there?"
"The trigger wouldn't work."
Xander shrugged. "It's in there. I know it's in there." He looked behind him, getting a shrug back. "Why couldn't he trip it?"
"He was scared," the Bucky-Ka said.
Xander looked at him. "He said your fear blocked it."
"Oh." He nodded once. "I was scared of what I'd do when I pulled that state up."
"Well, apparently you were right to," Xander said dryly. "Considering I had to use multiple methods of keeping you down for those days before I tapped out to let Steve deal with you."
"You should've called him sooner."
"I knew you didn't want him near you like that and the problems would probably get worse."
"I did try to trip it back, Xander."
"And then you tried to kill me. Multiple times."
"I was a killer."
Xander nodded. "So was I. And?" Bucky grimaced. "You still went there on purpose without warning me. If I had known I could've set up something so you couldn't get free and have tripped it back for you. Instead you were apparently deciding I needed to be killed for taking care of you." He stared at him. "Frankly, I felt like the abused kid at that point. You're damn lucky I didn't just kill you to put you out of your misery."
"Yeah, I am. I taught you well."
"Don't flatter yourself, James. I knew how to kill someone long before I got pulled over here. That show didn't show anything about the three germ docs, did it?" He shook his head. "Probably not anything on the militias?"
"A few on them."
Xander nodded. "Did it show Sudan and the refugee camp where I had to take out soldiers coming for the vulnerable to get slaves and kid soldiers? And a lot of them were already kid soldiers?" Bucky shook his head more quickly. "Yeah. So don't flatter yourself that you changed me that much. I've been the guy that had to do it because no one else could or would since I was almost sixteen and had to kill my soul's light. I may have been vulnerable because of Andrew's needs for that battle, but I'm not the nice fairy. I never was the nice fairy. Kids like me don't get to grow up to be sweet, innocent people."
"We didn't see much about your family on the shows."
"Yeah, you wouldn't. The drunks weren't around unless it was a problem." He stared at him until Bucky looked away. "You did it on purpose. You did it knowing that you'd probably attack me again, because you have every other time you reverted. Even if it was meant to scare me off so you're alone again, that's wrong on many levels and frankly, I'm still fighting the urge to shoot you so you're out of your misery. Should I?"
"No." He shifted to look at him. "I will never do that again."
"I'm not going to chance that. I had to hold in my own urges to keep you safe. Do you think the hyena you met in the woods wouldn't have killed you if I had let her out?"
"No, I saw the mess you made in that lab." He shuddered. "You made a hell of a mess."
"I don't remember," he said honestly. "I never do when I'm in possession mode. The second shaman I trained gave me that present." He sighed. "At least I didn't eat them. The rest that were possessed at the same time I was ate a principal."
"I saw on the show." He grimaced. "Eww." He considered it. "We can rebuild the trust. I will not do that again outside of battle needs."
Xander nodded. "You need to work to combine them. That way you're not two people and your Ka isn't giving you that disappointed look again."
"He is?"
"Yeah." He looked at the Ka spirit again. "Anything you want me to tell him?"
"No, I need to smack him around. Send him down?"
"He wants to talk to you on the spirit plane."
"Sure, I can do that if it'll keep me out of doing that again." Xander nodded, getting them onto the floor to work on that. Bucky dropped and faced off with his old self, who punched him until he was groaning on the ground. Xander had left them alone, he was meditating on his own. Bucky looked up at his Ka spirit. "I didn't mean that."
"Yup, sure you didn't." He stared at him. "Never the fuck again or I'll shut us down and we won't get back up."
"Agreed," Bucky said, standing up with a wince for his now broken ribs. "I..."
"Don't even. I can read your mind even when I can't read the kid's. Speaking of, he's injured. He's got damage from the visions. He's got liver problems from the suicidal witch incident, and now he's been infected with some self healing gift that's only healing tiny things instead of the bigger, necessary things. You only caused a bit more damage to him but now he'll have to use the hyena state more often to protect himself. Also, the vision about the slayers coming over? Try to protect him like the relative you claimed him to be. Got it?"
"Yeah," Bucky said. "Thanks for the head's up. Can I help him heal?"
"Not right now. You can't fully unmagic him. The hellmouth taint is helping but the black magic regrows faster than the hellmouth taint can eat it and more often than he can take the potion."
"I can talk to that mage."
"Please do." Younger Bucky stared at him. "Steve would've been ashamed of that. What would you have done if that was Stevie?"
"I..." Bucky cleared his throat. "I wouldn't have."
"Good! Treat him like the old Steve before he leaves us and never comes back. We need the support staff."
"Yeah, I appreciate the kid. I was apologizing."
"You're being a dick."
"Yeah, I am." He went to wake Xander up, which brought him back up. They woke up to agents standing there with guns. Bucky stared. He looked at Xander, who sighed. "We can fix it."
"Yeah, we can," Xander said, stealing one of Bucky's knives to cut over something. Then he took off his necklace. The agents were giving him weird looks but he was used to it. "Here, hold that for me please?"
"Kid, you're injured."
"Fuck it." He concentrated and the hellmouth taint came out to infect them. One of them screamed and held her head. The other two backed off looking scared. Bucky got up to handle them. "Hey, Bucky, go to the decontam chamber," he ordered calmly. "I can't pull it back in yet." Bucky looked at him. "Now. Before you glow in the dark." He knocked both agents out, then tossed Xander his necklace before going in there. Xander sneered. "You really want me that much?" he asked the one screaming on the floor. "We can give you what makes me so special." He stood up and stared down at her. "I'm not a toy. Especially not your toy." He kicked her in the head to shut her up. Xander limped out, heading out of the tower. Bucky came after him and pulled him back up there, putting him into the decontam chamber next to his.
Stark leaned in with a scanner. "It's safe," he called.
Bucky leaned out. "He let it out on them," he called. "All that stuff from the hellmouth." He closed himself back in. The alarm quit going off.
Stark and Bruce came in to look at the agents. They got put into suits then put into a speciality room to be questioned by Natasha or Steve. Bruce took readings from both of them. "Barnes, you're not that infected," Bruce said over the speaker. "Hit a bed after you shower."
"He's flashing," Xander called. "Sorry. I was being expedient because we came up from meditating to find them there."
"Okay. Steve!" he yelled. He came jogging in, walking over the bodies. "Take Bucky to do a decontam shower. He's okay enough it shouldn't infect him. Xander let out his hellmouth taint," he said when Steve stared at him. "Bucky's been exposed to it before I'm sure."
"Sure." He helped Bucky out. "At least we won't have to keep smiting you like we do the CT machine." He led him to the infirmary's shower to get him the decontamination pack. "I'm here and you're all right."
Xander snuck over with Bruce's nod. "He needs physical grounding," he said quietly. He moved up behind him, pulling back his hair. Bucky shook his head. "I'm sorry I radiated magic on you. Take the fancy shower stuff," he said in his ear. "Just calm down and let it go." Bucky glared at him. He stared back. "I'm probably going to be answering questions instead of doing my own. Take Steve in there to shower with you." He went back to the main infirmary, looking at Bruce. "Sorry?"
Bruce stared at him. "It reduced the amount you carry by almost a full percent," he said dryly.
Xander looked at them then at him. "Only one percent? That's worse than I thought." He went back to the decontam chamber. "Should I let more out?"
"Not in there. We're arranging for a way with that mage that helped you. Clint and Kate Bishop went to talk to him about how to do that. For now, just come out, go back to bed, and we'll monitor it." Xander slunk out to climb back into his bed. Bruce looked into the bathroom. "He good?"
"So far," Steve said. "The radiation's going down the drain according to the meter in here." He looked at Bruce. "Is Xander all right?"
"It lessened what he carries by a whole percent." Steve winced, slumping and shaking his head. "We're figuring that out. Get him out and into a bed so we can make sure he's going to be all right." He went to talk to Stark, who was studying the radiation's power and effects.
Xander pointed at the female. "I released it and she went on a wailing fit. I may have activated a birthright gift but she had a gun like the other two when we came out of meditating to help Bucky on the spirit plane so his Ka could kick his ass."
Bucky came out working water out of his hair, nodding. "Yes he did." He settled on the next bed. "We'll be fine and we'll figure out why it didn't trigger it back." He looked. "She screamed like she saw the end of the world and it was her fault. He was nice when he knocked her out with a kick to the temple."
Bruce nodded. "I'd consider that nice. We can scan her to see what got activated." Coulson stomped in. "Are they yours?"
"No. They're another group that formed off the former SHIELD." He looked at them then at Xander. "What did you do?"
"I woke up from meditating being held at gunpoint," he said bluntly. "So I kindly took off my protection and hiding amulet and let the hellmouth taint have fun with new friends." He stared at him. "Not like I could've gotten to a weapon and I consider my survival more important than theirs since I handle the huge problems coming, and see them in advance. I also consider all the other inhabitants of this tower more important than them walking out of here."
"I knocked out the other two when he stunned them," Bucky said, checking his arm over. He moved and winced. "Huh, injuries carry over from the spirit plane."
Xander smirked and nodded. "Yes, they do. That's why I have a few scars."
"At least you didn't gnaw on anyone this time," Stark said with a shrug when Xander stared at him. "There was no growling. That's a great thing. Right?"
"Yeah. Hyena'ing out is one of my last resorts. I'm glad I didn't pick up my next evil girl and make a few love slaves too."
Bucky groaned, shaking his head. "I have no idea how you made a tough, badass arms dealer squeal and run over to pounce you, but it's weird," he noted. "Weirder than Alex picking up a cat during a fun night."
Xander shrugged. "I could pick up a cat but I never stay in the same place for more than a few days. Maybe a dog." Bucky gave him a look. He stared back. "I'm fine and I can stay on my own now, Dad," he said sarcastically.
"Nope. It's protective to have us together," Bucky said quietly, staring him down. "We've seen a lot of HYDRA people."
"Yeah, I've seen some heartburn from the poker buddies. Even Deadpool walked off shuddering and covering his ears as a poker buddy ate a few that were bothering a demon poker hall and sanctuary."
Coulson stared at him. "They were eaten?"
"Yeah, by the ones protecting the peaceful groups inside. Some who are real handy because they do things like help ease hurricanes and earthquakes." He stared at him. "They proved they weren't peaceful first, so their own stupidity."
"That seems a bit harsh," Coulson said. "What about jail?"
"So their people can get them out again?" Xander asked. "Because that's happened at least twice that I know of. We started out with that. It proved to be unreasonable because they came back again and were even more mad for their night in jail." He shrugged. "Them or me. I'm going to choose me." He looked at Bruce. "Are you sure I can't go get dinner somewhere?"
"We can feed you, kid," Stark ordered. He looked at him. Then at Coulson. "You don't get a say since you didn't stop them first. They proved their intentions and were taken care of based on what they were doing. What did you want him to do, cry and sob about it?"
"They're not any worse than any demon I've had to take out," Xander agreed with a shrug and a grimace. "Some of them were even a lot more human than those supposed agents. Definitely more humane. Eating someone's nicer than being tortured to death."
"Yes it is," Bruce agreed. "I probably would've harmed them greatly if I had been in here when they rushed in," he told Coulson. "We judge him on the Natasha scale, not on what normal people do."
Xander got up to hug him. "Thank you," he said, then went to the bathroom.
Bruce looked after him, smirking at Stark. "If that vision is true and they come here, can we talk to them?"
"Gladly. I'm going to let Pepper do it as a sensible woman." Bruce smirked and Stark pointed. "Natasha has the other two when you're ready to haul them out of my building." He went to check on the kid, who was washing his hands. "You good?"
"Yeah, just fine." He looked at him. "I'll be fine."
"Good. We've decided we're letting Pepper and maybe Natasha talk to those slayers of yours if they show up." Xander smiled, shaking his head. "Go back to bed before Bruce gets pissy." Xander went to do that and Stark got them dinner. He paused to look at the kid. "Do you eat like a super soldier?"
"No, I eat like a teenage guy."
"Okay." He got food down for Bucky too. Bucky was shaking his head with a sigh. "You and Steve do eat more than a teenage boy."
"Try to make it lower fat," Bruce ordered. "With his health I want to watch his fat intake."
"It's cheaper," Xander said.
"Uh-huh." He stared at him. "Yay."
"Yes, Doc."
"Thank you." Clint walked in trays of food, handing Bucky his then Xander his. "Thank you as well, Clint."
"Welcome. The agents are still sobbing that they're going to die by radiation."
Xander looked at him. "I haven't and I was born really close to it. Hundreds of kids are born near the one in Cleveland too. If they're that woosey they should give up and just die after a confession. That way they're not taking up resources." He stuffed his mouth.
"Natasha said the same thing. It made one huffy and demand to be tortured instead." Clint walked off shaking his head. "The young one agrees, Nat, he's a woose."
Coulson looked up then sighed and looked at him. "Are you normally this homicidal?"
Xander stared at him. "Were they not here to kill me? I don't care a bit about someone there to take me out. They get what they deserve, either by my hand or by someone's. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't get mercy from them so why the fuck should I give it back?"
"Point," Stark agreed, nodding, looking over at Bruce.
Bruce nodded. "I feel the same way. They brought it on themselves."
"I would've just taken them out to protect myself," Bucky said. "No mess, no fuss, no worries of them coming back." He bit into his second sandwich. "Eat." Xander huffed but dug in. "Thank you. Don't make me find one of your ex's to fuss over you."
"Could you? I could like some fussing," Xander admitted. "I don't like being sick."
Bucky nodded, looking at his phone. He texted someone, then a second number. "Okay." Xander grinned at him. "Then we'll talk."
"Fine." He dug in again, slurping his soup. "This is really good."
"Welcome," Bruce quipped. "I made it a few days ago and put it in the freezer."
"So much better than I can do over a firepit."
"You can almost use a stove," Bucky said.
"Not like anyone in my family cooked. My only exposure to stoves was home ec, working in a strip club's kitchen, and working fast food."
"For that level, you do good," Steve said as he came in with statements.
"Strip clubs have kitchens?" Stark asked, looking at Bruce. "I never noticed they had food."
"If they're good, the girls can be that distracting," Xander agreed dryly. "We weren't that high up of a club. We were also mixed. Though the drag queen nights on Saturday were usually the most fun and attended." He ate another bite of dinner.
"Huh," Stark said. "What sort of foods would a strip club serve?"
"Wings. Mini meatballs you bake then toss into a pan. Baked ravioli looking things." He shrugged. "On drag queen show nights we had a big bowl of salad with chicken in the back for the ladies."
"So finger foods you can tease the girls you're buying drinks with," Stark said.
"Or so the girls can nibble between sets and drinks to soak up the alcohol," Xander agreed. "They didn't even sell the great liquor and the cheap stuff hits you harder."
Bucky shook his head. "I don't know why dames do that."
"Money," Xander said. "Quite a lot of them it's that or prostitution. Which would you rather see them do? Especially since quite a few I knew were single moms and guys who were hovering near an addiction or beyond broke but were pretty."
"Then taking off your clothes has got to be better," Steve agreed.
"Some do sell more than a preview," Stark said.
"At the club I worked at it was about thirty percent but I've heard some of the bottom level scrunge clubs were closer to fifty," Xander said.
"Yeah," Stark agreed. "And the girls often want better jobs but can't get them. No training, no education, nothing that would get them there."
"A few of the guys and girls I worked with were in college," Xander said. "They weren't going full time because they couldn't afford it but one was about two semesters from graduating and another one had just started."
Stark nodded. "Some do make it out of there that way. Some get burnt out and flee for their lives before it ends it. Depends on the stripper. Did you?" he asked, smirking at the kid.
"I *so* sucked at it," he said with a grin. "I froze up like Bambi and everything. I'm better at it now. A few of them took pity on me and taught me better."
"Good. I guess that's an easy way to find bad boys and girls to fuss over you." He got back to examining the radiation sample Xander had so kindly given them.
Coulson rubbed a hand over his face, then looked at Xander. "Next time try to incapacitate."
"Fine. If I can. If they're firing at me oh well."
"Thank you." He looked at Steve. "Can I collect them? That way we can continue to question them?"
"Sure." He led him to that room, letting Natasha help him haul them down to his car to lock inside. Steve came back to the infirmary, looking at Bucky. "Are you better?"
"Slightly." He looked at Xander. "Finish dinner."
"I am. Quit nagging! You're not my wife!" He scowled at him but went back to eating. Stark and Bruce were trying not to laugh.
"I don't think I'd ever be the *wife*," Bucky said dryly. "You and Steve like to be fussed over. Not me."
Steve patted him on the ankle. "I fussed over you many times, Bucky. Beyond that, liking being fussed at doesn't make you wifely." He stared at him. "I know some very nice male wives. They're a lot stronger than I am because they handle a lot more than I could as a husband. Including the kids sometimes."
Bucky stuffed his mouth, shaking his head. "I'm not going to ask." He ate another bite. "I have nothing against them but not my thing so I don't need ta know," he said at Steve's scowl.
"Fine. We'll talk about it later on." He looked at Xander. "Is your back hurting?"
"Tiny bit but I'm good." He shrugged. "I can't sleep on my back but apparently I did."
"Oh, okay. Need a heating pad or some ice?"
Xander grinned. "I'm good, thanks."
"Welcome, kid." He gave Bucky a pointed look then left.
"Some day he's going to make a fantastic fussy father," Bucky said, looking at Xander.
"I have no idea how to do that. My examples were craptastic and I'm infertile anyway so a moot point."
"There's a bunch of mutant kids who need to be adopted," Stark offered. "You'd be great at that and anything's better than being in the system for them."
Xander nodded. "Maybe if I settle down sometime. They can't be any worse than slayers who think they're all that because they're born with skills."
***
Xander had a month before it was proven once again that having correct visions sucked. He had actually healed, Dr. Banner had said his liver looked better than usual, and now here he was with a huge problem starting. Of course, no one was answering their phones. He tried the method of last resort. "It's Forger," he said, staring at the opening portal. "You remember that problem I foresaw about that other group showing up? It's now and no one's answering their phones. Thanks, Kate." He hung up and stared at it, then looked at the agents showing up.
"People!" he shouted, getting attention. "That is a portal to another realm, my original one," he noted. "There are beings over there that are trying to get away from a witch going rogue." A few winced. "They may be demons but they are *peaceful* for the most part, just trying to save their own asses. You harm them and it can kill that whole realm since I know at least one of them running this way is one that stops earthquakes." An officer moaned, shaking his head. "So let's find a way to channel their running in fear?" The officer called that in.
Phil Coulson walked over. "We have a tent set up with healers," he announced with a point. "For them. Their own kind of healers." That got called in as well. "Make sure it is not harmed by some yahoo with a shotgun and ideas please. We're short on agents." He looked at Xander. "They're outside the city helping Thor with a problem."
"Figures." He smirked. "Great, but probably why they piggybacked the portal today." Coulson nodded once. "That sort of portal takes shitloads of power. My cohort barely managed to get his home and I heard it took him three other portals and realms to get there." Coulson winced. "So yeah, based on the visions, they're running in fear of Rosenburg going off again."
"All right," he agreed. "We can help. Put breakable barriers up so no one gets hurt," he ordered the police officers coming with them. "The healers are back there." He pointed, looking back. "That's HYDRA."
Xander turned and waved with a smile. "I'll have them eat you if you bother those healers. I really will. They'll need energy anyway." They shuddered but made sure no one got near the healers. "Most of the ones coming are peaceful. It's daytime so we won't get any vampires. The few that won't be peaceful are probably higher ups that Willow was trying to have a hissy at again," he said. "The visions only showed four of them out of the whole running mass. Also, move the agents." He pointed at them. "They'll get run over." That got noted and people got arranged.
"It's opening, I can see a picture," an agent called.
Xander nodded, stepping up with his axe. He stared through it, waving. "Go that way," he called. "There's a tent with healers waiting." One of those demons nodded. They fled out and to the healers, some going past them to hide in the city. Xander looked at the group that was holding back. "C'mon. You're peaceful and you know I'd never hurt a peaceful species. The axe is for her so I don't get more liver damage." They ran through and got nudged in the right way by the agents. He heard jet boots and sighed in relief. He wasn't in charge! He nearly did a happy dance about having backup this time. He looked at Kate, who shrugged. "Anyone else?" he called.
"Yes, the slayers are fleeing this way," one of the mages said. "We don't know what she did, Xander."
"Considering we had a wish granted that brought Jonathan back to tell the super agents here about the slayers....." He grimaced, waving. "Healers," he said with a point. A few of the girls stared at her. "Yeah, this is where we got summoned to," he said dryly. "Go. Let me handle her yet again."
Kennedy stopped to stare at him. "One of the higher demon lords said she could not fix what HYDRA or whoever had done and she went off."
"Last time she was going to make humanity feel the rage and grief she felt with Tara dying," he said more quietly. "This time she's lost her ever-loving mind. I'm sorry for your possible loss, Kennedy."
She nodded. "We saw those tapes. We were wrong about you, Harris." She whistled and pointed. "This way, ladies. We have healers set up and peaceful species to guard." They ran that way.
"Get the kids out of there," Xander called after her. "They're too damn young!"
"Fine!" she yelled back. "Gwen, watch the baby slayers."
"Yup."
"Kate, please?" he asked with a point. "Things attack the minis." She nodded, jogging over to help get them into a safe area. A few new ones ran over, Faith carrying Andrew. He waved. "Healers," he said with a point. "How long?"
"Ten if you're lucky," she said, dropping Andrew. "He was going to stay to blunt her."
Xander looked at him. "Don't make me tell him to beat you, Alex."
"Shut up, Forger." He got up and dusted himself off. "Faith, go guard the healers. Most of those agents are bad guys who pulled us here." She nodded, going to protect them and the slayers. He looked at Xander. "Guns?"
"Back, same as usual. Pack back by Coulson." He pointed. "Have fun with that. We'll have one appearing here in about ten minutes thanks to using the magic she's going to unleash."
Alex winced and ran back to get that pack. "Hi, Andrew Wells, housemother to the slayers. Also known as Alex, that damn bastard the Winter Soldier trained." He grabbed the pack to pull out weapons. "Bullets. He forgot bullets?" He looked back. "You forgot bullets!"
"You have twelve mystical ones to handle the demons coming when she backlashes," he called. "They're in the side pocket. The rest are already loaded and you have spare clips."
He found them, loading them into the clip with a hum of displeasure. "Let there be only two demons please," he muttered. He stood up, putting the guns in good places then slid into his former body armor. "Thanks for saving it for me," he said, heading to the slayers. "Ladies, according to the visions, after Willow finishes losing her mind, there will be a major demon event coming here using the magic she'll pour out," he noted loudly, getting attention.
"You minis, I want you with the healers, out of the way of harm, and if we fall, you trust Stark and Bucky Barnes only! Am I clear?" They nodded. "Stark's the guy in the fancy armored suit, the shiny one if another one shows up, and Barnes looks like a homeless deranged guy but he's an old hand at the hero stuff. Do not try to help if you are under patrol age cleared and/or cleared for major battle duties!" They nodded, going to help the healers. "So help me, Goddess Isis and God Loki, if one of the HYDRA goons touches the minis I'm hyping Forger up on stuff and sending him at you to *play*."
Xander grinned back at him. "Gee, Andrew. That's a sweet offer." He looked back, finding Buffy and Dawn coming. He pointed. "Healers. Giles?"
"Trying to help her," Dawn said.
"Dawn, fall in to guard the minis," Andrew ordered with a point. "They'll listen to you." She nodded, going to help. He grinned at Buffy. "Welcome to an apocalypse battle after her."
"Great!" she said sarcastically. "Can you save Giles?"
"Yeah." He concentrated and summoned him, waving at him. "Healer?" he offered with a point.
"I need to...." He stared. "Xander." He grinned and wiggled his fingers. "Oh, dear, this is that vision." He jogged off. "Ladies, make sure you have suitable weapons in case it's worse than the vision said."
"I made sure the minis ran with at least a weapon each, Giles," Kennedy said.
"Good!"
Xander looked over as magic started to flow their way, staring at the witch stomping in. "You know, it's not nice when I have a vision of you showing up causing a major demon incursion on this realm," he said dryly. He sighed. "They're going to suck off the magic."
"I can end them, they need it for drawing you and Andrew here to warp you!" she sneered. "You going to kill me this time?"
"If I have to so I don't have to save humanity, the same as I would've on that cliff." She stared, mouth open. He stared back. "For knowing me most of my life, you missed a lot of stuff, Willow. Including me harming a few assholes who tried to snatch you for fun. That's when I lost my blood innocence. Stabbing them wasn't *fun* but it sure as hell saved you from being a plaything." She shuddered, stepping back. "Now, shut down the magic. Before we have a major demon showing up here to kill people because it's sucking off your skills."
"You can't prove that." Xander pointed at the portal trying to open. She sneered and closed it. Which made it explode open. "I didn't do that!"
"Well, ya did," he said dryly. "Gee, thanks." She sneered and tried to hit him with magic. His amulet sucked it in. "Thanks for that too." He stared at her. "Don't make me pull out new skills I had to learn in Africa. You don't want that, Willow," he said quietly. "I don't need to have taken out both of my childhood friends." She flinched, shaking her head. He nodded. "Shut it down. Before worse show up. Andrew, don't hit anything until a bluish-purple demon shows up." He didn't look back at them.
"Yup, can do, Forger."
"Forger?" she sneered.
"Yeah, I learned how to hand-forge weapons in Africa." He grinned. "I do a pretty good job too, including of mystically charged weapons." She sneered and shot another spell at him. He stared at her as it hit him. "Nice try. Want another before I make sure you have to fight what you summoned?" She huffed and stepped over, that's when the harder demons showed up. Xander looked up at a roar then at her. "Nice work." He hit her, knocking her out. He hesitated but walked off. "I'll take her out later if I have to," he noted as he walked past Bucky.
"I can, kid."
"We might need her," Andrew called. "I can't pull the heft of magic she can."
"If Strange is here, make him help her," Xander called, diving in to use his axe on the demon in front of him. It screamed as it died. The axe glowed. "C'mon, baby. Let's do the work." They fell into the battle, going to the bigger ones. Xander shoved a few slayers out of the battle and pointed. They ran to the healers. Andrew freed the few minis that tried to jump in then kicked one on the ass to make her run back to the healers. The others just ran in fear when Xander glared.
"Unless you want Willow to turn you into a pet bunny rabbit, stop it, you're too damn young!" Andrew shouted at one with a point toward the healers. She ran off sniffling.
"Don't threaten my minis with transformations, Andrew," Buffy complained. "She can't change them back! Just spank someone! The rest will avoid it." She looked back at him then had to duck a claw. "Eww, I don't want your slime in my hair!"
Xander shook his head. They killed a few more demons before all the ones there paused and ran for their lives. Xander looked, panting to catch his breath. "I'm out of shape for apocalypse battles." Andrew helped him stand up. "Why did they run?" He found out why. Willow was floating and back in full black magic mode. Xander took Andrew's gun and said a silent prayer before shooting her in the stomach. She fell with a scream. "I have mercy," he said, handing the gun back to him. "I... She can heal." Andrew hugged him. Xander looked at the first portal. "Ladies, see if you can get home?" he called. One of the agents let one of the older slayers test it and she shook her head. "Giles?"
"It'll take at least a month to power raise to do that if we capture all the magic she's been spouting out." He came over to do that. He looked at her. "I wouldn't have spared you, Willow." She was sobbing. He drained the magic with some help.
Xander popped his neck, looking at the slayers. "Ladies, healers," he reminded them with a point. "All slayers in the battle are to get checked. You learned the wrong things somewhere." They sighed but trudged that way. Someone tried to attack him from behind so he turned and nearly killed it on the first blow with his axe but it didn't happen. He ducked under their return attempt and then killed it with a dagger to the eye. "Not today, dear, I have a headache." He sighed, looking at the few demons still staring. "What?" he demanded. "Did you think Africa made me nicer?" They shook their heads. "Tell me within a few days how you're going to get home. I have his set to get home in a bank vault if it'll help."
The head demon nodded. "We will, Knight." He patted him on the shoulder. "You should rest. You're tired."
"Been a long day," he said dryly, smirking at him. "Thank you. Have the healers told you where the local peaceful sorts are?"
"Yes, we have already moved most of us there unless they were useful. The ones that can filter magic and blood from the ground are waiting to clean up here and the two guardians of mystical artifacts that needed to be guarded are waiting to find out where to store them for now."
"I can find them a good storage area to guard," Coulson said. "I'm Director Coulson of SHIELD."
The demon nodded. "That would be helpful. Thank you, human." He led him over to them.
Xander looked, frowning. "You guys left the crown there?" he called. They pointed at a mini slayer wearing it. He sighed. "Great. We'll unpossess her after all this and she's home." They nodded. He looked at the slayer. "Go with the guards, Goddess Imara."
"Of course, Knight." She smiled at him. "You do good work with the slayers and here. We thank you for your help with that problem." She regally strolled off behind the guardians with the agents helping her into the car. "I thank you as well. This one's body is strong but tired. She's still young." She yawned. "She thinks it's nap time." She fell asleep on the way to the office to guard her.
Xander and Andrew shared a look.
"I have your book of exorcism rites. We'll find one," Andrew promised. He punched him on the arm. "You good?"
"Good enough." He looked around. "It's over with, people. Get on with the cleaning up and going to pray that it was so minor this time. Before they show up again." They went to do that. Xander rolled his head around to pop his neck again.
"Let me, kid," Deadpool said, holding out a hand. Xander let him take his axe. "She's beautiful and like your usual one."
Xander grinned. "I had to reforge her when she broke at one battle. She's an undercover mystical artifact now."
"Great job then." He walked them off. "Stark?" he called, pointing at them.
"Bruce said the infirmary, Deadpool." The boys waved, heading for the sidewalk. Stark looked around, watching the demons filtering things. The agents were staring. "Any who are HYDRA should probably disappear if they're alive."
"A few demons fed on them to give the healers energy," Dawn quipped with a wave. "Where can I park the minis, Mr. Stark?"
"I've got a gym they can have a sleepover in tonight. Who're you?"
She smirked. "Dawn." She looked at the minis. "We all healed?" They nodded. The healers shook their heads. "Big things?"
"Two have stomach issues and one's got a growth."
"If it's not immediate I can bring them to you later this week," Dawn said, giving that healer a hug to feed her energy. "Thank you for helping the slayers."
The healer smiled, patting her on the cheek with a paw. "You are a good girl, Dawn. Find a life outside all of this before you turn bitter and into Xander." She got the others headed off. The remaining agents escorted the slayers to Stark's building so they could clean up and settle in to rest and recover after the battle. Andrew and Xander were a few floors up in the infirmary getting tested.
Stark looked at the last few agents, shrugging. "Could've been worse."
"It was less messy than any other portal event we've had," one agreed. "It was confined to here mostly. Unlike London's." He grimaced.
"On their realm, they had a demonic invasion of LA by portal," Stark quipped as he flew off.
"That's even worse," that agent decided. They let the demons cleaning things run off once they were done and set up some monitoring agents to make sure nothing restarted in the next few days. They were a bit paranoid about that so they'd calm it down.
***
Xander looked at Bruce when he walked up to him that night. "My liver?" he guessed.
"Not as heavy of damage," he said dryly.
"That was downright flowery compared to what she hit me with then." He shrugged. "Am I dying?"
"Only the good die young, Xander." He stared at him. "You're a good boy but not that way." Xander smirked and nodded. "Rest. Your liver is fine. The weeding out the mages did helped you and Andrew both. The slayers are fine, if a bit cranky with Buffy and Giles." He patted him on the foot before walking away again.
Xander settled in with a sigh. He was nearly asleep when Andrew yelped that something was nibbling on him. "Sorry, he had me go into the CT without my hiding pendant."
Andrew got up to stomp on the last few pieces of that possessed CT then demagiced it for them. A few hiding pieces in closets and vents died before they could eat anyone. Andrew went back to bed with a head shake. "Only you, Xander," he sighed as he laid down.
Bruce looked at him then shook his head. He wasn't going to ask. As long as it was dead for good, he was fine with that.
***
"How long will this last?" the head of the FBI demanded. They were meeting with Buffy, Giles, and Stark at Stark Towers.
"A month we think," Giles said. "We believe we can reopen it in approximately thirty-one days if we can build up the magic and get some help from the local practioners. Without them it will take about forty-five days."
"So a month," the director complained. "Why did you run here?"
"The demons trying to get away from Willow picked it," Buffy said with a shrug, looking at Stark.
"The visions showed that there was already a connection so it was easier. We had two of their staff pulled here by HYDRA wanting mystical warriors."
"We had *visions*?" the director sneered at him.
"Three of them. The guy who had them has never been wrong," Stark said. "He's had a few dozen and only ten percent haven't went off yet but they were stated as later events. Considering I was eighty in one, I have to make plans to live longer than I thought."
"If we knew this why didn't you tell us?" he demanded.
"Because of this fit you're throwing now," Stark said dryly. "Not like you would've believed it. We did tell agents we trust to work with, some of whom were SHIELD before they fell apart. They made sure to get agents there before the problem started. Not like I would've called you first. You can't do anything but give orders. We needed agents who could handle it and the battle afterward we knew was coming. We thought we had a few more days, that's why we were offsite with Thor handling an issue."
"You guys really have a real Thor?" Buffy asked. "That's weird. We only have god kings that have taken bodies over." She looked at Giles. "Does that mean Janus is real here?"
"There's a few temples to him," Stark said. "I asked For...Xander."
"Oh, that's nice."
"Why does Andrew pray to Loki?"
Giles cleared his throat. "It was thought that we'd go to different chaos sources to handle the chaos the girls have naturally surrounding them. I used to do magic with a few practioners of Janus in my youth. We made him change to Loki and the Goddess to add some extra stability. It helps us quite a bit to have that additional drain. Fifteen mini slayers is enough to drive one mad, praying to a chaos god makes it better."
"At least the higher chaos sources would know to reign in their little power sources," Buffy agreed sarcastically. "There's eighteen minis at the main house, Mr. Stark. All under the age of thirteen. It's pray to a chaos god to control them or sacrifice them to one some days."
"I can understand that. That's why I don't have kids," he agreed. Andrew was let into the room with Bruce. "We good?"
"The portal's just a shadow of itself and it can't reopen without a lot of work," Andrew said, sitting at the table. "We have it marked and all that. Using the crystals I used to get home and some extra energy, we can go directly instead of the indirect one I took."
Giles nodded. "That's good. Have you talked to any of the sorcerers here?"
"I talked to Dr. Strange. He was there glaring at the portal until I explained why we can't fully end it."
"You could," the head of the FBI sneered.
"Sure, we can all stay here," Andrew quipped with a grin. "That's fine. We can get the kids set up in schools and stuff." The man started to splutter. "That's your only choice. Sorry." He looked at Bruce, who smirked at him. Then at Giles. "Xander's liver damage didn't get any worse thanks to her."
"It appears that we'll have to use her as a funnel to reopen it. Dr. Strange said so," Bruce said with a nod at Stark. "We went over how that worked and how to put something on it to monitor any energy output from it. Just in case. He knew how to do both so I put an energy meter next to it."
"That's fine, Bruce. Slayer Summers?"
"Some of my girls are going to be doing patrol there to make sure nothing comes through it," she promised. "We only had sixteen patrol cleared at the main house. Have we scried or anything, Andrew?"
"I did," Giles said, clearing his throat. "With Faith earlier, Buffy. We talked to Helmers in Austria. He and a few of his senior girls showed up to handle the main house for the month we'll be here." She nodded with a smile. "Marisa has taken over as senior on the hellmouth until you're back."
"That's cool. Thanks, Giles."
"Welcome. I didn't want it uncovered. The hellmouth can be very nasty in short order without a competent slayer on patrol."
"The three we have here aren't nearly as active as yours," Stark said. "Can we figure anything out about them?"
"Of course we can look. It would be good to compare them to ours. Have the boys said anything?" he asked, looking at Andrew.
"The only one I've seen in person was here in the US, it is in Cleveland again, and it's not open. It's got spiderweb feeling stuff covering it still. No idea about the others. Xander may have seen them. He's more attuned since they're like fond parents to him sometimes."
"I hadn't thought about that connection," Giles admitted, then shrugged. "I'll talk to him later when he's not hiding from nagging slayers."
Buffy looked at him. "We saw that show. We're all horrified but slightly amused. If Xander had to do that in our realm, we should've handled it."
"You weren't there," Andrew said. "Most of the minis there were too young. Don't even bitch at him about what he handled in Africa, Buffy. You guys got that so you'd quit nagging him about being normal."
She let out a bitter sounding snort as she pushed her ponytail back over her shoulder. "I don't think Xander's normal any more. Damaged. Hopefully will calm down some day and not become a bad guy. Not normal."
"Some of us do what we gotta do," Stark said dryly. "Including saving the world by taking out huge demons." She huffed but nodded. "We saw it too." He grinned. "Agent Romanoff asked. That's who met your old friend, Andrew."
He nodded. "That's cool. I miss Jonathan. He would've been horrified but in a good way."
"Why?" the director of the FBI demanded.
Andrew smiled. "When we were younger, Jonathan and I were in with another geek who was making world takeover plans. They managed theirs a tiny bit. I'm still deciding which one I'm going to do some day when the slayers finish driving off the last of my sanity. Thankfully some of it got put back when I got pulled here by HYDRA and then trained by a world-class assassin." Buffy glared at him. He stared back. "I helped take down a lot of HYDRA goons, Buffy. Including with robots and other ways." He grinned. "I have a little electronic mouse who took down most of the self destructs they had planted in DC thanks to Xander using it while getting information they had on our mentor."
She blinked a few times. "Why can't you do that for demon things?"
"I get a lot of 'don't be stupid' about those things," he said bluntly. "Especially from the redheaded tidal wave."
"Do it anyway," she ordered.
"The last few times you complained about robots helping during battles," he said dryly, staring her down. "Frankly, it'll help the minis since I don't like it any more than Xander did."
"Sorry." She slumped down some. "Next time, tell me. I'll gladly adopt anything that'll keep down battles."
He nodded. "Fine. We'll talk about that before the next one." She nodded. He looked at Stark. "Did he finally get through on the civil war thing?" Stark nodded. "Thank you!" he said looking up. "Now if only the next problem wasn't going to show up!"
"We're trying," Stark said dryly.
"Thanks."
"Do you have more comics?" Stark asked him, leaning on the table. "Xander said that you had a lot more; he had casually read them for decades, you collected for real as he put it."
"They're in hermetically sealed storage in Canada."
"Oh. Anything that would help that one?"
"I'll see if I can find one. Plus for Deadpool. He'll be amused at some of the older ones." He grinned. "I had hoped that Xander would flirt with him but no. Not happened."
"Deadpool swears he likes girls."
"Don't tempt some of the coven," Buffy warned. "They'd like to neutralize Xander's influence too because it's taken them out of power over the Council. They will change him into a her."
"Then he'd probably kill them all," Andrew quipped. "Very hard."
She nodded. "There's a few of them that have been nagging me about Dawn. They need to stop it."
"I've told them to stop it," Giles said, patting her on the hand.
Someone knocked and leaned in. Xander looked at her. He had his fake eye in again today because the eyepatch kept getting stared at. "I'm having Dawn spar with Kate Bishop, who is a superhero in her own right. She needs self defense lessons. Also, the slayers are doing the same thing." Stark grinned at him. "Bishop offered." He looked at Giles again. "Strange is muttering about Willow and how he can't bind her because she's only technically a sorcerer. Something about witches who move up being different?"
"Yes, it could be. I'll find him later?"
"He's at the you here's house." He looked at Stark. "The minis made Bucky run off and hide. Two of the baby ones called him Bunny instead and were trying to pet him because their power of smartass grew with the traveling. I've already straightened out the 'you're just a guy' thing they tried on me and they're grounded all day in the corner watching everyone else workout." He grinned at Buffy. "They need a mom."
"I try."
"Yeah. Hire one." He looked at Stark again. "Steve said to tell you he's trying to get Bucky out of a closet and it'll be hours before he's done there. But it's keeping the older ones from trying to pounce him. Another reason I had Bishop talk to them, she's used to teenage girls." He rolled his eyes then looked at the head of the FBI. "Can you tell your cousin I'd like him to pay his poker debt before the portal back in case I get to leave? I'm not sure if I can or not but you never know." He closed the door and walked off.
"He does bring a lot of sarcastic life to our lives," Bruce said with a smile at Stark. Who nodded. "I have the you here's address, Mr. Giles." He wrote it out to hand to him. "He's helped Xander with some demagicing potions and the like."
"That's good. I've talked to him a bit."
Buffy looked at him. "Does that mean the you here didn't give up magic?"
"No, he didn't, but he also didn't do that final spell with Ethan either."
"Oh. That's good. Is Ethan here?"
"I have no idea. He didn't mention him and I hadn't asked."
"Fine. I was thinking maybe a chaos mage could help with the spell to make sure that part was funneled the right way."
Andrew waved a hand. "I can help with that too." She nodded. "That way we don't wear out their defenses here."
"That'd be helpful," Stark agreed. "Thanks, kid."
"Welcome." He looked around then at him. "We all expected the sixty-ninth floor to have huge play areas, not a meeting room," he said dryly.
Stark smirked. "That would be too stereotypical of me, kid." Andrew laughed, leaning back in his chair. "So we're done, right? We have plans?" They all nodded. "All right, let me know what I can do to help."
"We need to find a place to house the girls," Buffy said. "Your gym is great but there's four showers for the girls to fight over."
"We don't want to wear on your good will either," Giles said. "Thankfully I did manage to bring some things so I could get us funds through the local demon communities."
"It'll take a large motel or a small dorm," Stark said. "Let me look, guys." They nodded. "Andrew, can you show him where that would be?"
"Yup, not a problem. We haven't been in the city very often but I can find a map." Stark grinned. Andrew smirked back. "I'm usually a good boy and I made sure Fang had a neighbor sitting him yesterday. That way the poor cat I picked up over here won't be hurt."
Giles shook his head with a sigh. "I'm sure the girls coming in to help cover will love to pet Fang, Andrew."
"Fang's picky. I'm sure he'll have someone to pet him or he'll sneak back to the neighbor to play with her fake foot again. Fang seems to love prosthetics."
Stark shook his head. "Bucky told us you threatened to have Fang fur up his arm."
"Forger did that," he said with a good boy grin. "I just handed him the cat. He was being a pouty prick that day." He walked off with Buffy to check on the girls.
Giles sighed, shaking his head. "At least it's a mildly evil thing from him instead of something massively evil. He can do that but it's better the girls not see him fall from grace as it were." He followed his people back to the gym.
Stark nodded. "I should probably keep down all evil plans too then." He left. The director of the FBI was huffy again but oh well. He was a pain that way.
***
Clint found Xander on top of the building that night after midnight. "Don't jump," he said. "They can't be driving you more nuts than they have Natasha."
Xander grinned at him. "I'm staring over my protectorate to find more bad things." He took the cup of coffee, sipping it with a moan. "Thanks."
"Welcome." He stared over the city. "It's good New York adapted so fast. There haven't been any problems with the new demons yet."
"One of the bars got picketed but they got talked down by someone who pointed out the normal folk would run from Willow too." He took another drink. "Have you had to hide weapons yet?"
"Yeah. I have mine locked." He looked at him.
"They're not my minis. My minis are in Africa and have sense, their parents made sure of it." He took another drink. "Though they might be able to break the locks."
"We'll see. It should shock them." Xander grinned at him. "You good?"
"I'm fine."
"Think you can get home this time?"
"Probably not. The PTB still hate me. I got that last night in a dream of my ex-girlfriend, who is their messenger. She was sneering I still wasn't good enough." He shrugged and drained the coffee in one long gulp. "Good dinner. Let me go hide from them."
"You staying here?"
Xander looked at him, shaking his head. "They won't listen to me. They wouldn't listen to me when I was there every few days. When I was doing their training." He shrugged. "Buffy told them I'm normal and therefore weaker and in the way."
"Not with what we've seen."
"Yeah, but they're girls. They never got taught to watch people to see what they did and how well they did it. That would be tactical of them and they only think about tactics during sales for school shopping." Clint laughed. "Seriously!" He smiled. "Let me go hide."
"Have a better night."
"You too and lock the doors. A few of the tiny minis think you're a Santa like guy who can cuddle. I heard them and tried to correct that thought." He left him to think.
Clint shook his head. "I don't give away my weapons so I can't be a slayer Santa." He finished his nightly calming down time then went down to his room, having to call Buffy up to come get three of the minis to get his bows back. They had somehow gotten the locks undone and two were napping around them in his bed. The other one was dancing his arrows around like they were dolls at a ball on a PBS movie. Buffy sighed as she came in wearing a bathrobe and jammies, picking up the girls to carry out but leaving the weapons there by prying them from the little fingers. "Thanks." He locked the door and blocked it off in case then cleaned up their mess. They had apparently found his cheetos stash too. There were crumbs and a bag in the trash. Then he went to bed, cuddling his own bow to protect it from grabby girls.
***
Andrew looked at the minis, who were all pouting at him. "We do not break into people's rooms. We do not steal their things. We do not eat their snacks, ladies." He looked them over again. "I'm really ashamed of a few of you for doing all those."
"The chips were out," one protested.
"You wouldn't know that if you hadn't broken in," he said, glaring at her. "You're not a thief. You don't break into places. These nice people are helping us and you're setting a bad example of what a young woman from our home should be like. So stop it before I paddle every last one of you." They pouted but nodded, looking down. "Good. Thank you for learning to behave. Now, go spar with Kate." He pointed. They trudged that way. He looked up and sighed then went to tell Giles he had yelled at them since Faith got pouted at about yelling at them. He ran into Xander. "I yelled."
"I hope it helps more than when I do it." He looked at him. "Bruce called me in for hellmouth radiation testing."
"I'll set up a containment after I tell Giles I had to yell." He jogged off to do that then joined him in the infirmary, setting up a containment area to hold in the energy. Bruce was giving him a funny look. "It's magical radiation." He shrugged. "We don't know why it works as a magic/science blend but it does." He took the necklace Xander handed off. "See, holding it in. No more nibbling things."
Bruce took readings then looked at Xander. "Can you consciously let out a tiny bit?" He nodded, letting some out while he scrunched up his face. "That's enough. Pull it back in." Andrew tossed over the necklace then went to watch over the minis again. Xander put back on the necklace. "Can you get out of that without ruining it so I can see how he did it?"
"Sure." He got out of the circle of things by stepping over them and headed for the bathroom.
Bruce finished taking readings and turned to find a little piece of metal staring at him. "I thought all the CT was dead."
Xander came out of the bathroom to pick it up and look at. "It's not part of the CT. I think it's part of the MRI." He handed it over. "No teeth in that one."
"That's good." He put it into a jar to study later. "Go be a good boy."
Xander grinned. "I'm usually a good boy, Doc." He left, going to the demon poker hall to make sure everything was going all right there. Faith was there already so they were calm. "We good, beings?" They all nodded. "Cool." He settled down on the bench and took a nap. It was safer to sleep here than it was anywhere else in Manhattan.
Faith looked over then at the demon dealing at their table. "He do that often?"
"It's safe here." Faith nodded and got back to her hand of cards. It was good she was calm too. Even if she was escaping hyper mini slayers too.
***
Xander walked up to a group of mutants and slayers, listening to the arguing going on. He moved a few of the kids out of the way and stared down at the slayers. "Thank you for being a disgrace to our universe," he said firmly but coldly.
"They're weird!" one complained with a point.
"So?" Xander stared at her. "You deal with non-humans all the time and kids born differently with a mutation freak you out? You're in such deep shit when I find Buffy to tell her you're such a bigot, Mandy." She gasped, shaking her head. "Yeah. You are. They're born this way. Just like you're born a slayer with a future calling. That's no different than they are, only some of them look a bit weird. You've had this problem all along with the demon communities that are just existing and not harming anyone. It's been noted the *whole* time." She glared at him. "Who let you four out of the tower? Or wherever they're warehousing you for right now?"
"We're on patrol," one said.
Xander glared at her. "You certainly aren't as there's not much around here for you to take out. Hardly any vampires and they aren't like the ones we've dealt with before. They're more like werewolves only without the changing monthly." He sighed. "Let's go, girls. I'll walk you home to tell Buffy and Faith what failures you're becoming."
"We are not!" one shouted and lunged at him. Xander hit her, staring down at her. "How could you?" she sobbed.
"I would've done it even before being displaced, Miranda. Because you're a bitch. Actually, you're a cunt and I don't use that word lightly, but you are the dictionary definition of one. Now, let's get up and go back to wherever so I can tell them that you four need retraining. A lot of retraining." He pointed. "Let's. Go." They huffed off. Xander looked at the kids. "I'm sorry about them. Most of the slayers aren't that bad. They're young, stupid, and about to get paddled to death for it though." He patted one on the head. "Your flame's getting low. Go do fun things." They smiled and left. Xander followed the girls. One had found Buffy out getting food and was complaining at her. "That one decided to try to attack me because her cunt ass moment of stupid got shoved back in her face. Apparently kids who look a bit funny are game for her to make fun of with her buddies. I didn't know slayers were supposed to be bigots and bullies, Buffy."
"You hit her?"
"Once. Knocked her down."
She nodded. "Good. She needs spanked. I'll make sure Giles does it." She stared at him. "I don't like how hard you've become, Xander, but it's good for you."
He stared down at her. "I've been this way since before you met me, Buffy. You just wanted to see the friendly parts. I've never been the nice, sweet, kind kid Willow thought I was." He smirked. "Sometimes you gotta be harder." He grabbed one of the slayers by her hair, pulling her back. "I don't think you need to make anything any worse."
"That's a vampire!" she said with a point.
Xander looked then at her. "He's three thousand years old, he's tougher than Steve Rogers is, and he'll kill your dumb ass. He also doesn't kill to feed, he keeps a good part of Europe safe, and if he tries something with the girls I'll shoot his ass to take him out. There's no way even the five of you with Buffy could take him out."
Buffy smiled and waved. "I met Dracula once."
"I have too but he was a headcase," that vampire admitted with a smile for them. "I'm looking for my newest childe, girls. And Forger." Xander smirked and pointed. "You're sure?"
"He was moping in the poker hall the last I knew. His depression woke me up."
"Thank you, Forger. Have a nice night."
"Oh, I'm sure I will after I spank someone." The vampire walked off laughing. Xander looked at Buffy. "He turned Dracula over his knee and paddled him until he begged," he told her with a grin. "Then he tortured him for a few weeks until he decided he was going to play by the rules again."
"Wow." She stared after him then looked at Xander. "They know you here?"
"Yeah. I've been doing the part-time hero stuff here." He shrugged. "It happens."
"Great. Let's get the girls home. One's missing." Xander pointed then threw something at her, making her scream as it started to eat her hair. "Sure, we can do that later." She walked the girls off once she had her bag of food. She knocked on a door. "Xander found these four being bigots to some of the local funny looking ones."
"Mutants, Buffy. They're born that way. Just like you were born a future slayer. Or kids are born with birth defects. Some are born with pretty severe talents or looks and some aren't."
"Like in the comics?" she demanded.
"Yeah." He smirked. "Welcome to that world."
"Oh." She sighed but nodded. "Andrew must've been in lust then."
"We had to escape from bad guys who want to rule humanity," Xander said dryly. "He still had my battle skills then too. He was in happy land later on." She nodded. "I promised that one I'd be paddling her," Xander said with a point. "Since she was making fun of kids for being born funny looking. Want me to do it out here?"
"I can and will administer that spanking myself," Giles assured him, glaring at the girls. "Inside, all of you." They all followed the girls in. Including Xander. Giles smiled at him. "I can easily spank them."
"Please do." He sat in the corner while Giles dealt with the attitude problems.
"Have you seen Faith?" Buffy asked, sitting next to him.
"Yeah, she was at the same poker hall I hang out at."
"Good. She could use the stress relief. Cleveland was hella busy before we all ran from Willow. I'm hoping it stopped while we're here."
"If not, we'll reappear to it," Giles told her. "We can prepare for that."
Xander nodded. "We can run lessons, Giles. Including that nice Miss Bishop, who offered to help."
"That would be agreeable," he said. He went back to telling the girls how ashamed he was of them. They were already pouty but oh well. They deserved it.
Xander left, going to the closest mutant teenager hangout. He walked in and over to one. "The slayers who did that are punished and they know why it's wrong. Giles is going to have a talk with the others who may be harboring such bigoted stupidity." The kid smiled at him. "The majority of the girls aren't like that. Those ones are spoiled bitches though. I'm really sorry they tried that with that group of kids. They're *very* sorry right now." He hugged that one's girlfriend. "Happy conception." She groaned. He grinned. "I've seen that work a few times." He looked at the gang leader. "They do it again, tell me or Faith please. We will do more than lecture."
"Thanks, Harris."
"It's not right you guys are picked on. Not like you guys chose this any more than those girls chose to be slayers." He shrugged. "It's not right of a good person and the slayers had better be good people." He nodded. "I'm going on patrol if you need me and my phone works again." He left, going to the park to look at the portal. He ran into Deadpool, who gave him the high-five. "I helped correct a few of the bitches."
"Congrats. Will it stick?"
"It had better." Xander looked at him. "We work with the peaceful community on our realm. If they're against people for being a bit off normal, then they can't do that. I'm hoping all those sort grow the hell up since they're all young teens. Giles paddled." He grinned.
"Good!" They looked at the flexing portal. "It seems like something's trying to come through."
"It probably is. Buffy said that Cleveland had been really busy before." He walked over to it, nodding at the agents. "Can we get any sort of feed from over there?"
"The camera's only intermittent."
"Hmm." Xander looked at it then patted himself down, laying something on top of the monitor. "It needs more magic to connect." He watched as it shivered and the group over there did something. "Is there audio?"
"No," they said. "Only one way, sir."
"Hmm. Hey, Wade, get 'Drew?"
"He's on his way. I called him first but he was nagging."
Xander looked up and shook his head. "Teenage girls. A lot of teenage girls."
"Thankfully I like mine older and I don't have any of those myself," Wade quipped. "Here he is."
"Hey, 'Drew, we need to send a message over there. They're trying to reopen it by force."
Andrew came over to look then cast the quiet spell. "Stop it. The portal can't open on this side until we get enough power, so in about thirty days." They nodded. "If it's a huge problem, we'll handle it when we get back. If you break the portal, we can't get back and they're about to kick a few of the younger, bratty ones off this realm."
"I nearly beat one to sense," Xander admitted. "Picking on mutant kids."
The demons stared at them across the scrying portal. "You're where mutants are?"
Andrew smiled. "Yes, I am. HYDRA wanted us as mystical weapons." The demons shuddered.
"There's only three hellmouths here and they're all real friendly," Xander quipped. The demons moaned. "Is it a huge problem you're trying to get away from? Or were you trying to rescue the slayers?"
"Trying to rescue them," one of the demons admitted. "Are they all right?"
"Two can't sit," Xander said dryly. "Because they needed worse."
They nodded on that side. "We will make sure things are fine. Andrew, your cat is fine."
"Thanks, guys. I picked up Fang over here from a Xander-style girlfriend." One of the demons whimpered.
Xander grinned. "It's been months for me. I need to go fix that soon." He waved. "Be peaceful, people." They nodded and Andrew shut the portal. "I really do need to find something fast and good in the clubs."
"Pay for one, it's easier," Wade said.
Xander smirked. "They complain I wear them out too much." He shrugged. "I'm just that fantastic."
"I've heard the complaints about that," Wade admitted. Andrew walked off shaking his head. "Sorry, kid."
"I'm glad I only date normally and I don't have to put up warnings for extreme stamina." He looked at Xander. "Bucky's fully better?"
"Don't know," he admitted. "He should be. Go talk to him. He gets pouty about breaking you from your innocence."
Andrew snorted. "I haven't been innocent since my brother tried to have something eat me." He went to the tower to talk to Bucky.
Xander looked at Wade. "Patrol?"
"Sure. We can do that."
"Cool. Thanks, guys." He handed back the monitor and they walked off together.
The agents looked at each other. "Who was the guy in the spandex?" the one Xander had talked to asked.
"That's Deadpool. He's an assassin. The one that came first was Forger, and the other one was Alex. They helped Barnes recover from HYDRA and helped take down a lot of them," his partner said. "They're really weird though."
"Yeah, I guess." They went back to watching the portal. It was a creepy yet easy assignment. Much easier than watching over the teenage girls that could fight demons. And shop. The agents watching them said they shopped very well.
***
Xander and Andrew looked at the group of girls they had gathered in the right park. "All right," Andrew said. "We're going to do the spell to reopen the portal." The girls cheered. "We have checked in over there each week. There appears not to be problems but right now, we're expecting something to happen as soon as we go back. Senior slayers go in the first line. You fall out in order of experience with the exception of the tiny minis that are in the middle so they're not attacked. Hanna, the minis go behind you and before Amanda." Those two girls nodded.
"Your only jobs is to get the ultra minis to the safety of whatever sort of car or whatever is waiting," Xander said. "We called last night to the slayer house, they should be waiting on you guys." Everyone nodded. "If there's a battle, I'm sure you'll know what to do and try to keep it down. Just handle it so you can evacuate at this time. Let the others already there handle it because the portal can wear you out. Just like last time." A few nodded. "It'll start here in a few minutes. There's helpers on that side as well." He looked at Giles, a few other local sorcerers, and Willow, who was in chains. "Willow goes last then Andrew and I in case there's a problem since we've been here for longer." Andrew nodded, looking at him. "You first," he said with a grin. "Just in case."
"That's fine." He looked over at Bucky and Steve, going over to hug Bucky against his will. "Thanks." He went to help open the portal with the others.
Xander watched as it formed and spun open. Andrew tossed over a rock, getting it back. "Okay, ladies. Faith, you lead since Buffy's got the bigger weapons. You can duck and let her hop you." Faith smirked. "You're tougher than that. She's a cheerleader." Buffy snorted but they walked through in that order. Buffy turned and waved. The older slayers went through followed in a mostly orderly fashion by the others. One of the tiny minis spotted her mother and ran over to her ahead of schedule but nothing touched her. The one demon that growled got smacked by Faith. The last of the slayers walked through. "Drew, you, Giles, Willow." Xander nodded and saluted Bucky. "Here goes nothin'." He moved up with his bags. Giles walked Willow through. The portal wobbled some. Andrew grabbed his pack and headed through. More wobbling. Xander walked up to it and laid a hand on it. He started to step through and a vision hit. He held his head, groaning. He looked and threw something. "'Drew, you'll need that. The Powers are pissed off." The portal tried to close on him so he stepped back. It shut, blowing Xander back. "Sure, PTB. We'll come help later." He looked. "Tell me I tossed over the weapons."
"All the bags had weapons," Bucky said, helping him up. "You made sure." Xander checked and groaned. "Not the right weapons?"
"No, he's going to need bigger things in about twenty minutes."
"I can banish it to him," that realm's Giles said, taking it to send it over. "You need to rest, young man. That hellmouth there tried awfully hard to get you back."
"It loves me." He looked at the portal then at him. "Any hope?"
"We had hope. They blocked it." He grimaced. "So we'll keep doing the demagicing."
"Can we suck it out of him?" Bucky asked.
"If we want to send over a dead body," Giles said, glaring at him. "I doubt that would be what you wanted for him?"
"No."
Xander looked at him. "Some day someone will wish I was there and they'll hear 'wish granted'. The Powers just said so. Of course I'll probably be on a walker then." He gathered up his stuff. "Let me go find a hotel room."
"Take your room back," Stark called. He and Banner were doing studies on the portal. It popped out something and a bag dropped. "Looks like Andrew sent your clothes back."
"Great. Means I don't have to go find more." He grabbed that one, walking off shaking his head. He stared at the two beings there. The demons had gotten themselves home last night but had left the two mystical artifacts: one a crown that was possessing a baby slayer and the other one being a vase the baby slayer was cuddling. "Why didn't you go through?" he demanded.
"The crown said it wouldn't accept me." She blinked up at him. "Knight, will you guide this one?"
"Not just me but yup. You know that. I'll figure out how to put up a house for us later."
She turned to look at the guardian, taking off the crown to hand over. The girl blinked a few times, smiling at Xander. "It's okay. You're a young guy and she knows you need to do guy things. Girl things are different." She took the guard's hand. "We need to get the vase home." He nodded slowly. She laughed. "You're so silly, Xander. She knew you needed boy time." She walked off with the guard. "That crown is really picky. She hates my hair, she didn't like how I brush it. She's picky and kinda mean."
"She hasn't been in a body very often. We're forbidden from letting her inhabit anyone," the guard said patiently. "Knight, we will get them home for you."
"Sure," he said, waving. "Let me know if I can help."
The young slayer looked back at him. "The slayer spirit was giggling with the crown's but she said that the PTB are mad because we're too strong."
"Then you should stay here," he said.
She shook her head. "You need to teach others how to hunt. They're going to have what we did in LA soon. The crown lady felt it." She smiled. "They need to know. Then you can come home because the Powers forgot things." They were taken by a set of demons who brought them to a portal. She smiled at the guard. "Thank you for helping me."
"You helped us, Slayer Kissy." She blew a kiss at the others and they left for home. They'd get there when she was sixteen, and a princess like the crown's spirit wanted her to be. He had raised her to be a goddess of the crown and she was every bit of one.
Xander looked up. "When are we having that problem?" he called. "So I know how long I have before they need swords." The vision hit, making him fall down. "Ow."
Bucky and Stark walked over to help him up and get him back to the tower while Steve helped Banner clean up the gear. Agents rushed after Stark and Bucky to see what was going on. If there was an invasion that was their job, not the Avengers.
They could deal with naturalization papers for that young man soon. He wasn't exactly like most illegal aliens that visited the US.
***
Epilogue:
***
Xander appeared in a flash of light. He was older, but not nearly on a walker at the moment. The bad days... For right now he pulled out the weapon he had created and used it against the large demon. He sneered at the remains. "Pikachu," he quipped.
Faith, who was older too, pushed her hair back to stare at him. "X?" she demanded.
"You *finally* wished?" he snarked, staring at her with an evil smirk. "But yeah." She hugged him. He patted her on the back. "Let go of the broken rib, Faith." She let him go to stare at him. He shrugged slightly. "It's strapped but one of the mind fuckers took out a few people and I had to help bring them down. Should've heard the yelling from everyone. Especially Wade and Bucky." They walked over the remains of the demons. "I'm back," he called. The slayers all stared. He smirked. "Girls." A few shuddered, backing away. "Yeah, the hellmouth really adores me. That's how I homed in on home." He looked at Andrew, who was leaning on his weapon's tube. "You're going to dent it."
"I'll fix it later." He walked over, staring him over. "Which mind fucker?"
"The same one that got that girl you drooled on and she nearly beheaded you with her fists."
"Oh, that one. Is he gone?"
"Yup. It stopped all the mind fucking going on really fast once I shot him." Andrew grinned, punching him on the arm. "But I'm also the harbinger. Willow's back." He looked at Faith then pointed. "They sent her back to merge us before we both went unstable thanks to Asgard." He looked at Faith. "Ladies, we're about to have a realm merge, that's why the Powers allowed me back. Asgard just went into ho position three: tits up and ass open for the fucking it'll be taking. Even their chaos mages tried to stop this one but Odin was cranked and let in a non-friend." He waved a hand. "Apparently he wanted to date the idiot bad guy." A few moaned and checked their weapons. He pointed at two. "Dawn duty. Now." They ran off to find Dawn to guard her. He looked at Andrew. "Sorry, but I got it when I crossed back over." He pointed at Willow. "She's in thrall."
"If we stop it?" Faith demanded.
"That whole realm dies." He looked at her. "All nine realms of that world dies." She winced. "If not, you have warriors to help." She nodded that might be nice. "And they'll all be there for the battle. Under the orders of Lady Sif, Goddess of Female Warriors."
"I could pray to that one," Faith said. "Can we slow it down? We have to work on stuff to protect it."
"Get Dawn to holy ground. Get Willow guarded because if someone stops it, it'll rip in a way that won't let it be ended in a hundred years. Because in the next eighty years we'll lose slayers back down to twenty or so called at a time and then someone will reopen Sunnydale as a historical dig site. They'll trip into the seal and accidentally bleed on it. The PTB said so. That'll mean calling all the slayers again around when we're about to have aliens showing up. That'll be Asgard's last help for us."
"Great!" she said snidely. "Thanks for the head's up."
He shrugged. "I got it when I passed over. The migraine's sucking balls right now." She rolled her eyes as she walked off giving orders. "Someone make sure wherever the scythe is buried it's holy ground," he ordered to Andrew. "Otherwise someone will try to take it."
He nodded. "Buffy's buried with it."
Xander looked at him. "I knew that. We can still scry."
"Shit."
"Yup."
"Did you call in a favor to get here just then?"
"No, if I had used a favor I would've been here sooner or went to stop Odin. Merging us with Asgard fully is though." He grinned. "It'll help steady everything, no matter how much Thor complains." The portal behind them started to flux and then exploded as the wash of magic flew over them. "Ready for this?"
Andrew nodded. "Yeah, we can handle this. Ladies, fall back," he ordered. "We've got company, use company manners."
"And if they look blue/green and scaley, they're the bad guys," Xander added. "Just them." The girls all nodded. Xander grinned. "It'll be your first alien invasion."
They groaned but when the merge finished, they rushed over to help with the battle.
Andrew smirked at Steve. "Hi again." He used the weapon he had to blow up a ship. "Let's fix this bitch before I have to remember Xander's memories some more."
Steve shook his head. "We heard higher beings were involved."
"Yup, for a hundred years," Xander said dryly. "Then we'll split again." The heros all groaned. The slayers were helping them so it was easier at least. They could handle this. Xander and Andrew were good merging altars of power. And if the heros suddenly got a new appreciation for the next generation of fighters, it'd make it easier on their old bones too.
The End.
You Don't Always Get What You Want.