Darcy opened a letter and glared at it. "I need to portal someone somewhere far away," she muttered. "Be right back, after I have a fit." She walked down the hall, tapping on a window before sticking her head in. "Can I rant at you so you can stand behind me being a cheerleader when I help bring down SHIELD this time?" she asked over Stark's music.
He stared at her oddly. "What?" She walked in and put the paper in front of him. He read it then looked at her. "Yeah, I can fulfill the cheerleader fantasy. Sure." He nodded slightly. "Are they actually SHIELD and they seem to think that the kid's mine."
"Yeah, I noticed. I know Adrian's not yours. He'd be interested in robots instead of pirates if he was yours, Stark."
"Let's find out if they're SHIELD first, Lewis."
Darcy stared at him. "If not, their agency can be embarrassed too."
"Yeah, just as soon as you calm down and become the rational, evil woman stereotype?"
"I'm perfectly calm," she said dryly. "Miss Friday, is the writer of that letter actually an agent of somewhere?"
"According to SHIELD's files," the AI said, "he is indeed one in Human Resources. There's a few agents who were championing that idea so they had someone to follow their jobs when they die, Miss Lewis."
"Yeah, it won't be my sons or daughters." She grinned up. "Thanks, Miss Friday." She looked at Stark. "Let me start by getting another cheerleader. A team is always more peppy." She took the letter off, going upstairs. "Oh great Unclish one," she called. "Can I have a moment please?"
"He's in the range," Natasha called.
"Great. Come join us so we can all swear at your former employers?" she quipped, heading down there. Natasha followed her to the elevator so she grinned. "Someone in HR sent a request." She walked into the range area. "Boys," she called loudly. "Clint, I need a leash holder and cheerleader. Stark thinks I'm going to get unreasonably evil."
He blinked at her a few times. Steve and Bucky both stared at her. "What now?" She held up the letter with a smirk. He took it to read, then stepped back away from her and Natasha. "Yeah, I can help by finding the guy."
"Oh, no, sweetie, I need a cheerleader and maybe someone to remind me not to continue with the rest of them." She grinned sweetly.
He took another step back, letting Natasha have the letter. "Yeah, we can remind you of that."
"Who is he with?" Natasha asked.
"HR in SHIELD." Darcy grinned at her. "Miss Friday said that some agents liked that idea too." Steve came over to get involved and groaned. Darcy grinned, taking the letter back. "Clint's a really great cheerleader, Steve." She looked at Natasha. "Would you like to help him cheerlead?"
"I want to watch certainly. I'm not perky enough for pompoms."
Darcy beamed. "That'll be fine too!" She strolled off. "Let me go talk to some agents about their weird desires."
Clint just looked at Natasha. "Well, maybe this rebuild will be easier," he decided, then shuddered.
"We will be safely out of the way," she soothed, patting him on the arm. Steve and Bucky went to talk about that idea. Someone really needed their interiors investigated, starting with their brains. They just hoped Darcy wouldn't expose said brains to the open air.
Darcy walked onto the SHIELD floor, going to the agents that were so amused by her son. She held up the letter. "Did you know that your agency's HR and some agents were plotting to get me knocked up by someone?"
"No," he said, taking the letter to look at. "Fuck them."
"Yes!" she said with a bright smile. "They are!" She nodded.
He looked at her. "Explosives would be too big for this one, Lewis. Can we start to work on it?"
"Clint said he'd be a great cheerleader for me."
He just nodded. "People, someone in HR and some agents have requested that Lewis give her little pirate a sibling. They had a few suggestions about who they think fathered him and who should create the next one."
"Apparently they want me to bend over, open my cheeks, and just take whichever agent comes," she quipped blandly.
The agent stared at her. "Don't give us such ideas, Lewis. You're a pretty girl but we don't need that thought." She just smirked at him. "Let us talk to the director?"
"I can do it!"
"We'd like him to live though." He winced when he saw Hill. "Hill," he called. "We have people who need to have their brains blown out."
She came in to look at that letter then looked at Lewis. "Please don't have another one yet. He might turn evil." She handed the letter back. "I'm going to complain on your behalf. Before they try some of the rest of us too."
"FRIDAY said a few other agents wanted to agree with them."
"If they decide half of SHIELD needs future agents, we'll hire instead of breed. Most of us don't really like kids."
"You sure? Clint said he'd be a great cheerleader."
Maria Hill walked off nodding. She made a copy of the letter then went to talk to her underlings. Someone definitely needed her foot up their asses and out their noses.
The agents got Darcy some fresh coffee and let her wander off to complain about agents. It was safer to be out of the way of that temper.
Maria Hill walked into the SHIELD offices, going right up to the director's office. She put the copy in front of her former coworker then grinned. "Lewis asked Barton to cheerlead for her."
He read it then nodded. "Someone needs to be hidden for their own safety but maybe a few good neural reorganizing hits should be administered first."
She grinned. "Lewis was going to do it herself."
He looked at her. "I'd hate to see that."
"Me too," Maria Hill agreed. "So how do we do that since there's agents with the same ideas."
"Drag that one to an interrogation room and I'll put out a memo for the rest later."
"Thanks, Phil. Saves me some energy beating people." She went to get that one agent to fix him first. An example was a good thing for others to learn from.
***
Adrian found his next target to ransom for real booty. Now his jar of shiny silver booty would be full! He stalked the person around the labs, finally getting him trapped in a closet. Then he snuck off to get something from Mr. Tony's lab. He had neat toys that loved to help him find people to ransom for booty. They came back with him to knock out that complaining one and help him by holding him in a rolling chair until he could float the ropes up to tie him up.
They helped him steer the rolling desk chair with the unconscious guy into the elevator and they went to his apartment. It was safe to put a ransom there until his mom and Auntie got done for the day. He grinned at the woman he met in the elevator. "My ransom for booty," he said cheerfully and waved. "Miss Friday, home please!" he called.
"Of course, sir," the AI said. She sounded amused. "I'm sure your hostage could use the good nap. They were nagging him about it earlier. I'll alert his people to expect your ransom request for booty shortly." He grinned and waved at the ceiling in the elevator.
When it stopped on his floor he had a bit of trouble but the woman in there helped by starting the pushing in the right direction for him. "Thank you, Miss!" He rolled him off. The door opened automatically for him.
Wanda Maximoff was looking amused but went down to the lab floor. She wouldn't talk to Lewis directly but she recognized who that geek was. She went to that lab, where her brother's twin and savior was working for the day. She waved him out. "I just saw the most amusing young boy who was rolling off someone tied up who he said was ransom for booty. He went to a residential floor."
"I'll tell his mother he's gone weirder than usual," he promised, patting her on the arm but going up there. That lab was clearly thinking he was asleep. He went to Darcy and Jane's lab. No Darcy. "Um, Dr. Foster, where's Dr. Lewis?"
"She's in the caf talking to someone who wants to interview her about her work. Why?" She looked at him.
"Her son was just spotted taking a tied up hostage to somewhere on a residential floor by my almost sister." He grinned. "I thought she should handle it instead of telling the hissy fit throwing people in the lab he probably belongs to."
"Yeah, let me go stop that." She sighed. "Thank you, Peter." He nodded, going back to work with a stop to giggle about the kid's goings on. Jane went to Darcy's apartment, staring at the young man. "Where's your hostage?"
"Sleeping! He tired! I told him bedtime story." He beamed at her. "I'm good boy."
"Sometimes." She went to look and sighed. "How did you get him tied up?"
"Helpies." He grinned.
Jane stared at him then sighed. "At least he's sleeping. Everyone was yelling at him about that earlier. No more taking hostages for ransom, Adrian. They'll get mad at your mom." She went to that lab, tapping before walking in. "FRIDAY, how did he do that?" she asked politely when they stared at her. The AI giggled and put up a video of how Adrian had stolen their coworker. "He's napping on Adrian's bed. Can I negotiate for his release for you? That way we don't scare the kid but remind him he's not allowed to kidnap people?" A few of them giggled. "Seriously, people."
"The kid's seriously weird," the head of the lab said but she was smiling. "He did need a nap. Next time he'll probably want to go before we offer to let the kid steal him again." Darcy walked in and sighed, already shaking her head. "He's adorable."
"He knows he's not supposed to kidnap people yet. Sorry. I'll go get him let go of and taken to medical to make sure he's not really hurt. I'm sorry about my son's weirdness." They all shook their heads but were amused. She went to ...talk to her son at a very loud volume. Seriously, did other parents have these problems? Or was it just her? She texted that to Clint, who sent back it was just her kid but at least he wasn't boring. She sent back a thanks before walking in and staring at her son. "What did I say about taking hostages?" He pouted and stomped off. "Adrian, get back here so we can talk about the rules again," she ordered. He trudged back looking pouty.
She got the medical team down there to bring him up there so he could be watched over. They put up a video of what had happened to leave beside him with Darcy and Adrian's apology letter. Then she went to talk to Tony about ordering his bots not to help her son kidnap more people. She clearly wasn't going to be getting through to him yet. He thought that was just fun. She didn't want things like this to become someone's origin story as a super villain. Especially not her son's.
***
One of the tower's security team got the video and watched it then had the others show up to watch it. Most laughed but Happy went to talk to Clint Barton. He was doing uncle duty and could talk to the little guy about guy things better than his mother could. He found them watching tv so put the video on and got out of there.
Tony shook his head. "Lewis asked me to talk to my robots about not helping him. They did a good job though. Nice teamwork."
Wanda was giggling. "I saw him in the elevator and told the almost-brother."
Clint just nodded. "Nat, your knot tying lessons apparently got learned very well." She smiled and nodded a bit. "Darcy wanted to make sure if it was just her kid that was this weird. I assured her it was. But maybe a talk about common sense should happen soon."
"He should get it from someone who has some," Natasha quipped with a smirk for him.
"Hey!" Clint complained. "I have more sense than Stark does."
"I never wanted to be a common person anyway," Stark said dryly. "I've restricted the robots from lifting people when it's not an emergency situation."
The two assassins shared a look. "Having Coulson try to talk sense into him like he tried many times with Barton might be a bad idea," she noted.
Clint nodded. "Those were epic and I doubt Adrian could sit through one. We can ask him if he can point me at one so I can talk to him with that script though." He shifted. "Is the geek mad, Stark?"
"Yes but more amused that the kid herded him into a closet first. His lab people promised the next time he neglected himself that way they'd let the kid have him again. He went home to pout about that. His wife was amused but didn't laugh at him too hard."
Natasha got a copy of the film and emailed it to Melinda May with the note of 'we were wondering if our former handler would like to remember how he gave many other talks about common sense'. "Maybe Coulson will know what to tell the young one before we get captured as well. What would he have demanded for ransom payments?"
"Probably change. He has a large jar of silver change that he likes to pour out and lay on top of to swim in." Clint grinned at her. "That and maybe some poptarts or cookies."
"He used his magic to tie the person up," Wanda noted.
"Yeah, he'll unconsciously use it to grab things that are too high for him too," Clint agreed. "It's not hurting him and it's harmless but we've all had talks about him not using it for big things."
"At his age, big things should be stealing cookies," Stark agreed with a nod, sipping his coffee.
"Tying up people is weird," Clint agreed. "But could be helpful if someone tries to grab him or his mom."
"Which is why I taught him that skill," Natasha agreed. "I also taught him about safe places to go when things are scary or bad."
"That's something I've showed him and his mom's done too," Clint agreed with a nod. "He's usually really a good boy and very safe."
"Dr. Alovena hates him but he stole her pets from her," Stark said, looking at him. "He decided she was mean and stole them to the spare lab next to Bruce's to fuss at them like his mom does his aunt. Fed them Bruce's chicken casserole, pet them into needing a nap." He waved his coffee cup around, grinning some.
"Hid them from her when she came in to see if they were in there because she spotted one's kitty bed and he claimed he had borrowed it for a nap. It took Bruce finding them to get him to turn him back over. She was crying that he thought she was mean to them. That was the day Darcy swore up and down he was in the daycare while she had the thesis defense."
The others shook their heads. The kid was a bit weird. "Maybe we can get him into something beyond pirates," Natasha decided. "Ninjas so he wants to take martial arts?"
"He loved the first Mortal Kombat movie but wanted to be Johnny Cage." Clint grinned at her. "He told me Liu Kang was a hero and heros were always sad. He wanted to be the fun, pretty guy."
She just nodded at that. "Yes he probably will be. His mother would probably be amused too." He grinned back at her.
***
In the SHIELD offices, a not often heard sound was going off. It freaked some people out enough they went to a prepared for an attack status. Others just walked slowly away so they didn't get caught in whatever had done that to her. Because it had to be a gas that made Melinda May giggle, loudly, in her office, right?
Phil Coulson watched what his people were doing oddly then went to find the source of the emergency. He found a giggling special senior agent. He leaned in her doorway, arms crossed but looking amused. "What's happened now? More marshmallow fluff rains?"
"Better." She let him see the email, making him snort, but she ran the video and he had to grin at that. She ran the other ones she had been sent by Clint. She hadn't really watched them before this. Now, they were charming.
Phil Coulson cracked a full smile, when he usually hid his emotions behind some blandness. A few agents who noticed ran off to prepare for the emergency. "I need to train him in being a handler." She smirked at him. "It's clear Romanoff taught him knots. That's how she does hers." He shook his head. "I probably can't bring it down to his level but I'll see what I can work up for one."
Hill walked in. "What now? You've panicked the whole admin area."
"Romanoff wanted to know if he could talk to Adrian Lewis like he used to tell Barton about common sense." Hill moaned so she let her see that newest video.
Maria Hill just nodded. "Yeah, he's a bit weird. He comes from weird people. His mom and aunt are weird one way, his father another is weird another way, and I'd hate to see him as an agent. Thankfully I'll be retired by then." She reached over to replay it, but did smile a bit. "He's good. Talked the robots into doing the heavy stuff for him. Slight magical use to tie the knots. Wow." She walked off more amused.
"Maybe he'll follow his father into the field someday," Coulson decided. "Let me see if I can write out a good talk on common sense things for his mom to give to him." He walked off smiling slightly. "Someday I want that kid to be a handler and then take over my spot," he told Maria when he ran across her in the halls.
"I'll be firmly retired to the Riviera by then," she quipped back. "Have fun with your protégé."
"I think I will." He sent a message to Clint and Natasha thanking them for giving his next protégé the training he might need some day. He got one from Lewis ordering him to leave her son alone with that talk about being an agent. She included the short film of Thor trying to talk to her son about common sense things that finished up with Thor deciding Adrian could take over for Loki someday as they had no kids to follow them and he'd make a good God of Mischief some year soon. Though the kid was cooing and carrying around his hammer to play house with it at the time by the video. He sent that to Melinda too. It made her laugh again. He grinned, he loved making her amused in nice ways.
***
Darcy sat straight up in bed, panting and sweaty. She went to check on her son then went up to bother Thor. She got into their room easily enough, poking him until he glared at her. "I just had a weird dream of my son going up to your sister and telling her he loved her because she was mean, evil, and grr, and would she date his daddy because she was his type."
He blinked at her. "What?"
"He walked up to her when she was about to destroy something, in full helmet glory, and hugged her, told her he loved her. She sneered but he told her she was pretty, evil, and grr so she was his daddy's type and he loved her so could she date his daddy. Then pointed at Daddy, who was there to fight against her."
Thor stared at her. "It was just an evil dream, Darcy."
"It sure as shit wasn't, Thor. It was like I was there. I don't get those sort! Especially not where I see his father stroll over to save the kid and dip Hela into a deep kiss, which distracted her enough that her battle helmet disappeared! He totally sex fucked brain enough to distract her from the battle. Apparently the power she knows not is my son adoring bad girls."
He patted her on the wrist. "I will make sure that does not happen, Darcy. Your son has no reason to meet someone like Hela."
"Someone brought him because his father didn't realize he was there until the kiddo walked over to her to cuddle the evil pretty one."
Xander appeared, giving her a hug. "I'm so glad someone wished that wouldn't happen ever." He kissed her on the temple, taking the memory from her. He grinned at Thor. "Not many should remember it." He handed him Darcy then disappeared to block some of that from his son. He really had to talk to his son about not flirting with his sort of woman.
Thor put Darcy down beside Jane's snoring body, getting up when he saw the blinking sensor that showed a bridge was coming down. He went out there in just his sweat pants, staring at the woman that came down. "Mother?" he demanded.
She nodded. "Yes, that wish saved me as well, son." She patted him on the cheek the slapped it lightly while smiling. "We should talk."
Xander casually strolled out, staring at her. "Nice try." The woman smiled at him. "Really, Harkness. Like I don't know you? Hell, you were a tea drinking buddy of my former fiancee." She laughed and changed. Xander smirked, grabbing her and taking her off. She was not going to be amused when he used an owed wish to trap her in a mystical artifact vault. There might be a few who'd let her out of there but not before they got some amusement from her. He paused to make a note for Giles the next day then went back to talking to his son about doing *good* things. You should really only kidnap someone for a *good* reason and booty wasn't a good enough one usually.
The beings trapped in that vault stared at the witch, who looked nervous. She wasn't on the level of a god and couldn't fight one either.
***
Agent Jimmy Woo showed up where Xander was, staring at him. "Someone told me that you found a rogue witch?"
Xander grinned while he chewed and swallowed. "Agatha Harkness came for the kiddo at the tower."
Jimmy blinked a few times. "Is he okay? I adore that little guy's antics."
"Yeah, she showed up as Thor's mom." He shrugged but grinned and ate some more. When the hero at the next table muttered he took off his eyepatch and pulled out something to hand over. "Here, dude, that'll help more than the swords will this time. That sort you don't behead, you blow the head off."
The hero stared at him. "Who the fuck are you?"
"Xander Harris, trainer for the slayers at home in Africa." He grinned and ate another bite. "I heard your mumbles." The guy moaned. "I took out seven one day but I had a multi-missile system that I had borrowed. Worked really well!" He beamed. "You're welcome." The guy sighed but took the weapon with him to go talk to others. "You should go watch that one for the report. It's much more amusing than I am."
"You're the most amusing and amazing person down here, Harris," Jimmy said smugly. "How did you do that?"
"Magical artifact."
"I figured that much since you pulled a grenade launcher out of an eyepatch. How?" He looked at the thing he had noticed on his wrist. "Uh-huh."
"Don't even," Xander said quietly but smirked. "I won it at poker and *no one* knows."
"Shit."
"Yup!" He beamed. "But it did mean that Asgard didn't get destroyed last night." He finished that food and got up, tossing out his trash. He stared at the agent. "I find you happy making too, Jimmy. Next month in Asheville? Or the one later that afternoon in Atlanta?"
"Shit," he muttered. "Both probably. When?" Xander grinned, strolling out. He tried to follow but the guy disappeared. "Damn it!" he muttered. He called that in. "Just ran into Harris from the Council. He said he'd see me next month in Asheville and then later that same day in Atlanta." He hung up on his handler's choking. This was not good news. He went to find out where that battle was so he could do a report on that too. Then he'd find Xander, tie him down, and get some answers from him. Even if he did have to resort to torturing him by tickling him.
***
Xander showed up at that battle that afternoon, shaking his head. He took the grenade launcher to use on the demon, making it appear as it died. He handed the tube back with a grin. "Watch out for his wife." He pointed then winked. "She's shootable. Kinda. Have to use a lot though." He walked off and disappeared again. Behind him, the heros were having a fit but the wife showed up and was fired on repeatedly until she died. Another one showed up but it was clearly younger. A slayer ran out to grab it and drag it off to the local demon bar nagging it about doing harmful and dangerous things. So that was nice.
Agent Woo went to talk to the slayer once she was done with her dragging duties. "Slayer Stephani?" She blinked at him then smiled. "Hi, yes, I'm Agent Woo with SWORD. Is he a danger?"
"No, his parents were high and stupid. He's not supposed to be anywhere near anything harmful. He's meant to be a future priest. Somehow his parents got dosed with some weed and went bloodlust thrill kill as Faith calls it. I'm hoping his future self stops all that and whoever's prompting it based on life debts. Did we see Xander?"
"Yeah. He showed up to use the bigger weapon." He made a note. "So it's just pot?"
"Yeah, for their kind pot is like whatever funky thing mushrooms does to some people from what we're told. Someone with a huge amount of life debts among their peoples is forcing them to smoke it and go attack things so he can do something magical. We're not sure what but this is stupid and it needs to stop. So if you find out, can you let some of us know?"
"Of course." He made another note then looked at her. "I ran into Xander at breakfast earlier. He mentioned Asheville and Atlanta on the same day next month. Any idea? We haven't heard of anything big going on until the summer solstice."
She blinked a few times. "Neither have I. Let me call and ask." She did that. "Hey, Faith, it's Stephani and I have Agent Woo from SWORD up here with me. Yeah, I managed to get the kid free. The parents were totally out of it and Xander hit one with a huge weapon he got somewhere somehow. Earlier he mentioned Asheville and Atlanta on the same day next month?
"Agent Woo said he mentioned it but didn't give a why. We have a battle coming up?" She listened to her ask the watchers. One of them found a reason. "Oh, fruck! There's an eclipse? Like...maybe not an ascension then? Oh, great! Sure, let us know! Thanks!" She hung up and sighed, looking at him. "She doesn't *think* anyone's doing an ascension but...." She waved both hands. "Is Asheville that city with the pretty old manor house that you take tours through?"
"Probably, as far as I know," he agreed, smiling at her. "Okay, can whoever figures it out let us know too? I'd like to stop it before it takes over a town?"
"Gladly, Agent Woo. None of us like things that happen on eclipses or solstices." She walked off to the demon bar again. "People, Xander said something about next month in Asheville and Atlanta on the same day? Is that the eclipse?"
"Atlanta's due to be an ascension. Some rapper producer or something," the bartender called. "Not sure where or who. He didn't describe them in his vision. It's up on the assassin's site again, Slayer Stephani. Asheville?" He shrugged. "Haven't heard a thing but it is an eclipse."
"Yeah, let's hope it's not a portal." She smiled. "Let us know if you hear things? Please? I need to find better panties to wear to an ascension battle." She walked off to find that agent, running into him at the battle site. "Ascension in Atlanta by some sort of music or rap producer. That's not what's coming in Asheville though. The bartender said he put it up on the assassin's site again." She walked off sending out a mass text message.
Agent Woo smiled. "That's good to know. We can make plans on how to handle that one even if it's in downtown Atlanta." He looked at the guy next to him. "Why did they call you to help?"
"The demon challenged me to show up here today."
"Okay. So we've heard that they're being sacrificed as part of some magic person's cover of doing something. They have life debts he's calling in. And that they took pot to get into the bloodlust."
"Yeah, we can make sure pot disappears from a few areas," he promised, glaring at a few others. "That magic user?"
"No idea yet. I'll go ask about that later. I figure they asked you because they knew you'd make it fast and easy." That got a nod and that one walked off brooding. Agent Woo went to talk to his people. They found the assassin's site to read up. "Well, that's charming! A hell goddess is getting married and the reception is going to be a fun time."
He sent that to Slayer Stephani, who sent back an audio file of a groan and an unhappy smiley face. "Okay." He looked up, going to make his report, including to Coulson and Hill since they were in there. "We'll probably want SHIELD in Atlanta. You have a base outside the city and that's an ascension."
"I agree with the slayer, we'll need easily washable panties for that," Hill said dryly. "The other?" He showed her. "Oh. Okay." She let Phil handle it while she got to tell the Avengers members who might need to be there.
She really hated Harris sometimes. Though visions were better than not being prepared.
***
Xander was hellion sitting because mom and auntie were doing things that might destroy the whole building when he felt a calling come in. He picked up Adrian and his diaper bag, going to Wakanda, nodding at the warrior woman who had just tried to wish to him. "Howdy." He grinned, shifting Adrian to his hip. "You rang?"
"You're Harris," she said impatiently.
He winked his good eye. "That too. You *wished*?" She cleared her throat and pointed. "Hey, Raul!" he said with a wave and a grin. "How's the kiddos?"
"Trying to eat the Pacific trench place, Xander." He came over, smiling and patting the kid on the head. "He's adorable."
"I'm watching him for his mom, who's going to possibly create the new Bifrost today or could possibly blow up a building." He smiled at the kid then at his demon contact. "This is Adrian and he's going to get my ship I won a few months back."
"He's very sweet, Xander. Do the girls know...." He waved a hand at the kid.
"Fuck no!" He smirked. "Anything. And I do mean *anything*."
"Good point. The blonde would have a bad reaction." He bowed to the warriors. "I only showed up to retrieve my errant daughter. She is staring in awe at the buildings that are very pretty and shiny."
"Sending her to the university on Makaro?"
"I hope so. She would do so good designing things, much better than my sons, who have no ambition. Let me grab her before she upsets someone." He went to grab his daughter. "Xander is babysitting for someone." She squealed, running over to meet this baby. Adrian smiled shyly and tried to hide his face but he was cute and they babbled at each other for a few minutes before her father took her off.
Xander grinned at the warrior women watching all this. "Was that the problem?" The warrior nodded, looking amused. "Glad I could help. Raul's no slouch and his warriors are kick ass demon killers. Whole army of badasses. They use live steel for beginning practices sort."
"That's good to know," two new women said as they walked out. The older one smiled at him. The younger came over. "He is adorable, Watcher Harris."
"I'm babysitting. This is Adrian and his mommy's working on the Bifrost project today. She didn't want him in the building in case they got it backwards and blew something up." He nudged Adrian. "Can you say hi?"
He grinned at her, reaching over to pet her hair. "Pretty hair."
"Thank you." She played with his hair. He beamed and kissed her on the cheek. "You're very sweet."
"You're a princess."
"I am," she agreed with a grin. "I'm Princess Shuri."
He beamed at his father. "I should take hostage for major shiny booty! Princesses get many silvers."
"Yeah they would but good men don't kidnap princesses these days, Adrian. Even little pirates like you."
He beamed at her, a naughty grin. "You do science stuff like Mommy?"
"I do." He leaned over to kiss her again. "You're very adorable. Nearly enough to make me want children some year."
"You shouldn't pet people unless you ask. Your mommy wants you to have manners," Xander reminded him. He stopped him reaching for her hair again.
"Pet you like shiny pirate kitties and Puppy Groo?" he asked hopefully, grinning at her again.
"I'm not used to being petted, but you can pet my armor. I'm a tough princess, not just a smart one." He beamed, wiggling down to check her armor out.
"Sorry," Xander mouthed. She grinned and waved it off, explaining it to him. Xander pulled up a video for the queen and warriors to see. "Him a few months back." They all grinned at the baby pirate wanting booty.
Shuri grinned, tweaking him on the nose. "You're going to be a great pirate some year soon, Adrian."
"He's going to get the space ship I won," Xander quipped, picking him back up. "Thank you for being polite."
"I should still take hostage," he assured him, staring at the princess. "She make good pirate with shiny pirate kitties and Puppy Groo!"
"There's no labs on a pirate ship though. How would I design great things?"
"Mommy can!" He beamed and nodded a bit. "Auntie Janie too!"
"I'm sure they can but I need my lab."
"Have robots?"
"I have a few, but not as much as Tony Stark."
He beamed at her again. "Helped me take hostage! Loki even!"
"They did," Xander agreed, grinning at him. "Twice now." Shuri giggled, hugging the boy before walking inside giggling. "You can flirt with the princess when you're older, Adrian." The boy was pouting and trying to flirt with the warriors to claim their weapons. He did so love weapons. Especially special or unique ones like Puppy Groo. He told them about his puppy friend, making them all happy with him.
"Is Groo a shield?" the queen asked.
Xander nodded. "Yes it is. It was hiding from him like most puppies do from what I got told."
"He's very adorable, Watcher Harris."
"Thank you. Say thank you, Miss Queen Mommy?"
"Thank you, Miss Queen Mommy." He leaned over farther to kiss her on the cheek too. "You need sugar because you're sweet. You must wear it out." She blushed but grinned, patting him on the head before Xander took him off. "Ooh, shiny!" he cooed as they disappeared.
The queen looked at the warriors, who were grinning. "He is an adorable little boy. And future pirate. He clearly values good items." She walked off giggling to herself. That boy had been too adorable. The warriors downloaded the video from the security cameras to share around. They could all use the levity of a cute little boy flirting with their princess.
One of the thoughtfully sent it to Bucky to cheer him up too.
***
Bucky walked up the halls shaking his head. They had made it back to the avengers clubhouse only a few days earlier. He knocked on the lab wall, waving Jane out to show her that video since Darcy had her head down on the desk. He held up his phone so she could see it.
"Oh, crap!" Jane sighed. "At least he was polite."
He grinned at her. "Halloween costume already set?"
"Probably. Either that or Clint's dressing him up." She looked inside then at Bucky. "Can you email that to me so I can break it to his mom gently?"
He grinned and nodding, sending it to her email. "He was cute."
"He's very cute. Even when he steals the coffee and the good poptarts as ransom." She went back inside to watch that again. Darcy was not going to be amused.
Bucky went up to share it with Clint, and Natasha and Sam since they were all up there. Steve wandered in with a sandwich while he was fiddling with the tv to download that file. Then he got out of the way.
Natasha burst out giggling, shaking her head. "He is very unique."
Clint grinned. "That's my nephew! Already cute with the ladies who're important." Natasha pinched him for that bragging.
Steve was snickering as he chewed, just nodding. "Groo would probably love to play with their weapons too." He swallowed and ate another bite quickly. Sam was moaning and shaking his head. "He didn't mean any harm."
"No, I know that. I've got nephews," he said patiently. "Thankfully mine weren't that sort of smartass." Bucky smirked at him, heading back to his suite for a bit.
"I've been teaching him guy things if you wanted to help," Clint called after him. "Before Xander warps him."
"Sure," Bucky called back. "Let me know when." Clint went to giggle in the range.
Steve was grinning as he chewed, rewinding the film to watch it again. "He's right, they're pretty, powerful, smart women."
"They are," Sam agreed. "My sister would be screaming." He copied it to send to her and explained he was a kid in the lab geeks portion of Stark. She sent back a 'he's a sweet boy, don't give my boys any ideas' and left it there.
Steve grinned at Natasha. "We need to teach him some guy lessons too."
"Clint steals him now and then when he wants to hang out with him. Show up the next time. They do some arrow time and some training in the gym time usually."
"We can do that," Sam agreed. "Boy needs to be a good man."
"Darcy's not going to let him be a dick," Steve noted. "She's not going to put up with any of that."
Darcy came up with a sigh, staring at the paused video, getting the remote to rewind it. "No wonder Jane was laughing," she muttered. "Let me go write an apology letter for my son and yell at Xander." She walked off muttering about how her son was not allowed to take hostages anymore.
The three heros all grinned at that. Darcy was a pretty calm mom. And a very patient, understanding mom too.
***
In Wakanda a few days later, the Princess opened an envelope that had been checked, smiling at the note of apology for her son being such a petting, loving little boy. She giggled, taking it to her mother to show her. "She sounds like she has sense."
"She seems to," her mother agreed, handing it back with a smile. "He was still adorable."
"He was and I'm sure he'll make a good pirate." She went back to her lab, putting the letter aside so she could hang it up later. It was sweet of that scientist to apologize for her baby being so cute.
***
Darcy looked at Xander a few days after that incident, staring at him really. "You brought him when you went to Wakanda?"
"You wanted me to leave him somewhere?"
"No," she admitted. "You could've brought him back. We were almost done by then."
"It wasn't into anything dangerous, Darcy. I knew it wasn't a dangerous call. Most of the time I just hand over weapons to frustrated heros. He met a few that day and waved at everyone but Deadpool, who he just stuck his tongue out at and told him he was pretty." He shrugged but grinned. "He was perfectly safe. I'd never bring him somewhere I wouldn't bring a baby slayer."
"I realize that but it's embarrassing. He shouldn't be petting important people."
"I did stop him."
"You did," she agreed, nodding some. "And it was cute of him, but I didn't want to have to write that apology letter for him." Xander nodded but sighed. "So next time, try a *bit* harder?"
"I can do that." He kissed her on the forehead. "I'll try." He disappeared.
Darcy looked up and sighed, shaking her head. "At least he's in daycare today." Jane looked over, shaking her head. "He was polite."
"He was. More than Thor usually is."
Darcy nodded at that, going back to her present topic of research. She would think about her very weird son some day soon to make some plans for him. She had to look at schools soon too. And maybe finding him a role model that wasn't a pirate. Or maybe music. With what the higher ups that had made him come into being apparently thought, he would probably love music a lot.
***
The time came when magic met aliens and Adrian was right there still being weird. And not Asgardian aliens but actual aliens. Unfortunately not nice aliens but still...aliens. With big foreheads and bad attitudes and hated magic. So yeah, Adrian was a huge problem to them. Darcy had to zap a few when they tried to invade the lab building. Jane's bridge turned on and sent a few out of the way. They got sent back fairly quickly so Darcy changed the settings to send them into nothingness. All the while wishing at Xander to show up and help.
Xander showed up and stabbed one in the back that was trying to get in the doorway. Then his axe appeared and he beat a few more. "Really? You're doing this here?"
"You are not to fight unless it's a world ending emergency," D'Hoffryn said as he appeared.
Xander stared at him. "They want my kid, D'Hoffryn. Bite me." He stabbed the next one in the face with the pointy end of his axe's handle. He smiled at Adrian, who was barricaded in the corner behind some machines. "Here, little dude, hold my shiny booty for me please. I'll get it back after I do this." He tossed him the special bracelet and went back to killing aliens. D'Hoffryn was choking and spluttering but oh well!
Jane got the machine to send off the rest of them. A few more appeared up the hallway and Darcy zapped her last zap with the taser's dying battery. Then she had a gun she pulled from Xander's hip. He nodded, handing over a spare clip, and went back to it. "We need some backup."
"Avengers are out in Montreal," Jane called. "I've alerted them, SHIELD, and SWORD. Just proves they're not useful after all. Again."
"That child is an abomination!" one of them shouted at Darcy. Who punched him.
"Oh fucking well!" she shot back then shot him in the huge forehead. She got a few more. Then there were agents showing up. "They're aliens, they want the kiddo," she called. "They hate magic!"
"Gee, I could've done something with that," Xander quipped back. He got another few. "Please, join in. I'm getting out of shape for battles."
The agents got the kid out of the way, took out the aliens, and then moved Jane and Darcy from the lab.
"Hit the blue switch to send more to the void," Jane ordered. "It's preset, has about another twenty zaps left to send them off." Darcy took Adrian to carry, letting Xander have his gun back. More aliens were appearing so the agents got them into a protected SUV and out into the city. The aliens could try to trace them, and probably would manage it somewhat, but they weren't going to win.
Xander grinned, taking his special bracelet back. "Thanks, Adrian. I need to use this. Someone make a damn wish," he ordered. The driver spluttered. "Seriously. Make a damn wish." He put the bracelet on.
"I wish we could defeat those aliens," the driver complained. "Easily."
"Wish granted." Xander reached out with the powers and found a way. "Huh, HYDRA has others in storage." He looked at one guy, grinning. "I think you know them."
"They'll have been brainwashed but they can die protecting the kid and his mom," he offered.
Xander smiled and nodded. "Yes, they can. With bigger weapons too." He disappeared to make that happen, bringing them back to the place where the agents were making a stand. He nodded at Barnes. "They had them in cryo. Their owners are not going to be happy with me stealing them to be cannon fodder."
Bucky flinched but nodded. "Yeah, probably not." He pointed and shouted an order, making them go handle it. "Were they already there?"
"Yeah." Xander nodded with a grin. "Yeah, saved them right after death, revived, put into cryo, brainwashed. And if they die, great! And if not, SHIELD can deal with it since they didn't show up to deal with this shit." He heard the kid fuss and went to help calm him down. "Hey, little dude. It's all right, Adrian. The bad guys are not going to get you." He looked at the bracelet.
"Someone's trying to get you. I need to go damage that fucking sorcerer," he muttered. He sent a text message and Dawn got him to bring him there. "Since you're so damn busy attacking an infant, go defeat the other ones who want him!" He made it a compulsion and sent him out to handle it too. "Fuckers," he muttered in another language. Darcy patted him and hugged Adrian. He walked off humming the 'kill the wabbit' song. He could go help deal with alien idiots. Not the first time!
Thankfully he still had hidden things that he thought the slayers might need.
The girls could get more presents somehow.
One of them unfortunately hit a SHIELD aircraft coming in but it only had to land suddenly. More agents, who didn't have any idea what was going on. "Get the ones with the forehead," Barnes shouted. "They're aliens and trying to take out Foster, Lewis, and the mini Lewis!"
"Got it," someone yelled back.
"When you said you'd see me this month, this is not what I was expecting!" Agent Woo yelled as he jogged from his car, already shooting aliens.
"Sorry, didn't foresee this," Xander quipped back, taking out another one with his axe. "Go guard the kid, Jimmy!"
"Yeah, I can do that." He went inside to check, finding them in a secured room together with agents layered around the building. "Lewis?"
"Get the big headed, anti-magic freaks away from my son!" she shouted back. "And the damn sorcerer guy before he attacks him again!"
"Got it. He good?"
"So far!"
"Okay. Guys, let's up the shielding around that room. We have the portable shields?" They set them up and they did block magic. Thankfully that stopped the sorcerer from going after Adrian again.
Loki appeared grimacing. "Dawn is not amused," he said dryly, strolling out there. "Well, let's see what these dysfunctional beings want."
"They want to end the kid for having magic," Xander quipped. "Go ahead and blow a few up, Loki. I've enjoyed it so far."
"I'm sure I will as well." He did send out a harsh blast of magic, ending a great many of them. They screamed so prettily. He dove into the battle with his sword, taking the side opposite Xander. He had learned to be away from where he was using his axe the hard way once. He didn't forget that lesson or the scar it had caused.
Dawn showed up as well, with a few of the coven. "I don't care if magic is your only weakness and how your society will be destroyed. You don't touch earth's witches. Period." She and the coven members pulled up something and atomized some of the alien forces. Then she pulled her weapon off her back and dove in too. She knew not to get close to Loki or Xander in a battle. She had learned that lesson but had the scar bleached off after she had healed. Both times. It gave them something to push the aliens against.
Thor landed with a big thump and dove in. "What is their problem?" he demanded.
"They loathe magic, it's their only real weakness," Dawn told him. "It'll destroy their people. So yes, it'll be doing that today. They came after Adrian."
"Well, I suppose they could be cowards and flee but I'd rather they not come back," Thor admitted. "Would my hammer help?"
"Yup, sure will," Dawn said. "Pull it out, Thor. Let me branch out using it." She cast a spell at the hammer, letting it amplify the wattage of the magic, and then shot it at the creatures. Who died. A lot. The last few were taken out by Xander and Loki. She sighed, looking at the bodies. "Yuck." She looked at Xander, who nodded. "The sorcerer?"
"Decided to try to attack the kid too. Opportune timing." He undid his compulsion, staring at him. "Leave. Adrian. Alone," he said slowly and clearly in a growl. "Unless you're saving his life." The sorcerer backed off, just nodding for now.
"It would be best if a child under three-years of age did not already have a mortal enemy," Thor agreed, looking at the sorcerer. Who just disappeared. He huffed. "Loki, you did well."
Loki pushed back his sweaty hair. "You were late?"
"We were handling a thing of monsters in Montreal."
"Yeah, the girls up there finished fixing it when they had to leave," Dawn agreed. She yawned. "Damn it. I hate this nap feeling." She looked at the stiffly standing people then at Xander. "You managed to find more brainwashed people?"
"Yeah, the same place we found Britt Britt and Daphne." He leaned on his axe. "They're useful. If they want to be cured, SHIELD can fix that. Or not." He looked at an agent. Then at her again. "Shoo. Thank you."
"Welcome, big brother sort." She disappeared with the witches. When a few more aliens appeared, Dawn's spell hit the as well, gathering up from the remains that had been hit earlier.
Loki looked then ended the spell with a sigh. "One really must teach her how to clean up her messes," he complained lightly. He popped his neck. "Well, I believe we'll call this a job done."
Xander walked over and nodded. "Thank you."
"Welcome. I am entailed to protect him," he said quietly then disappeared with a smirk.
Xander looked at Thor, who grinned. "Thanks."
"You're most welcome. Darcy and her son?" He pointed. "I'll go check on them. They must be angry and fretting." He headed in there to deal with the upset women. No agent was going to get near them at the moment. Adrian had his fingers in his ears and was humming so Darcy could vent. Jane was hugging the little boy so she couldn't hear it either. Thor paused to hug her, getting a hug back. "He is a precious thing and we will protect him." She nodded, heaving a sigh and then hopping up and down a few times to wear out energy. He went in to check on them, getting hugged by Adrian as well. "You did a good job," he promised. "Very good, Adrian."
He grinned. "Thank you!" He went back to his cuddles. They were important for big people to have. His mommy had said so.
Director Coulson walked over a few bodies, then looked at Xander. "What happened?"
"Apparently they came after Adrian."
"All right. Why?"
"They hated magic. Dawn said it was their only weakness."
"Good to know. So they were going to take out the kid?"
"Apparently. I got there because Darcy needed the backup and everyone else ignored it. Even the agents in the building." A few winced and looked away. "So I showed up, I beat some, I shot some, we evacuated to here thanks to the agents finally showing up after about twenty minutes after me, then we made this stand. If there's more I'm going to biobomb their realm." He smiled. "I think it'll be fitting."
"Probably, yes. Calm down please?"
"Hell no!"
"Fine. The..." He coughed. "Agents who are awaiting orders?"
"When we had a few slayers kidnaped by HYDRA I found them there in stasis. So I summoned them to help too. Never can have too much help when you're facing an alien invasion. I learned that lesson before."
"That's reasonable. Are they still under control?"
"Yeah, they are," Bucky yelled from where he was scanning nearby buildings. "Fully. Worse than I was."
"I think theirs is chemical," Xander called back. "No idea. I know they were dirty so I left them there and made a note no one apparently read."
"We can find that out," Coulson decided. "Who did you report to?"
"Kincaid."
"I'll be having a discussion with him by tonight. That is something he should have passed on." He looked. "Barnes, are you comfortable ordering them into a van together so we can handcuff?"
"Yeah, go ahead. They've got restraint marks." He walked over. "Hit the van, people." They trudged that way, letting agents settle them in, handcuff them, and then lock them in the back of the van. He looked at Xander. "Wacky ideas?"
"Well, yeah, I'm known for them," he joked, grinning a bit. "They usually work."
"That they did," Bucky said, looking at the piles of aliens. "That's very gross."
"Yeah and they probably won't decompose like demon bodies." He flinched and pulled a gun when someone new appeared. "Don't do that!"
"Wanted to make sure you didn't need more help," Buffy said, waving a hand. "We had a few that showed up for Willow and her mini witches. Thankfully we were being annoyed and harassed by an agent who took them down for us since we can't really hurt humans."
"They're alien," Xander told her. "Hate magic."
"We heard." She looked around then at him. "You good?"
"I'll release the temper later."
She nodded, looking him over for injuries. "Xander, why do I see a familiar sort of device on you?"
He grinned. "I won it at poker. I'm the gun fairy."
"Oh. Okay then. So full on wishes?"
"Over heros who need help."
"Ah. Yeah, weapons fairy time." She just nodded. "Anyone else?"
"Nope. And if you yell at me I get to shout back."
"Hey, no, not into yelling right now since it wasn't your fault. They came for a witch or someone up here?"
"Darcy's son Adrian."
"Oh, dear. Shit, I sounded like Giles," she muttered, shaking her head. "Okay, so bad day for magic people. Got it. We have any more?"
"Didn't look," Xander admitted. "I showed up to help Darcy."
"Great! Moms need help. Even my mom needed help." She looked around again. "My mom definitely couldn't handle this. Okay, let me get back there, not tell anyone about that pretty bracelet, and are you still working with the minis?"
"Of course. Not like you get to the wilds of this planet."
"Point." She sent a text message and got sent back, staring at the witch that had been scrying. "Don't because you know Willow will have a fit," she said quietly. "And then bring the older guys with her."
"True. How did one win a demonic device in a poker match?"
Buffy shrugged but smiled. "Not the first time! He won a magical nuke once. I have no idea where it went. I have the feeling if he still has it, it'll be going to those aliens as a 'thanks for showing up' present though." She went to make a report to Giles, who was not amused. At all. He was swearing and not in a British upper class old guy way. "Should I go find your leather jacket?" she asked as she leaned around the door. "You sound like you got some of that chocolate again."
"No," he said, waving a hand. "Not in the least, Buffy. What were they?"
"Aliens that can be hurt by magic."
"Charming!" he sneered. "We should show them more."
"Xander was protecting that little guy who had to go to court to protect himself from that sorcerer's group."
"Yes, I suppose he would be," he agreed. He poured himself some water and sipped it. "It's very natural of him to do that." He looked at her. "Yes, I saw what he's wearing," he said quietly. "I wish him a lot of fun being the gun fairy."
"On the news?" she winced.
"No, I was helping with the scrying." He finished his water and put the glass down. "Go rest. In case more show up. Do an inventory of damaged things."
"Got it." She went to pass on those orders. She hated doing the inventory but the girls needed to be calmed down. She could handle that while more math oriented slayers handled the damage report.
Giles went out back to finish his venting. He really did have to calm down soon.
The witches gathered in the kitchen to make bread. Kneading did get one's aggression out wonderfully. Andrew wouldn't mind them saving him some work on dinner.
***
Stark looked at the two ladies, one kid, and the rest of the team that night, plus Agent Woo. "All right, from the top. I've seen the videos. Those forehead people are disgusting." He looked at Jane. "Where did you send them?"
"Nowhere. I didn't set the other end of the bridge. So they're just in the void I guess."
"Good. Means they probably can't be brought back?" She shook her head with Darcy. "Good!" He looked at Darcy. "He okay? I realize he's probably upset."
"So far. Slight nightmare during his nap and super cuddly but about what I'd expect from today's trauma."
"Do we need to find a kid friendly shrink?"
"Shouldn't. I didn't tell him anything about them being bad against magic."
"Excellent." He looked at Agent Woo, who was the only agent allowed in the building right now. "You were seriously handy today." Jimmy grinned at that. "Reports?"
"I've filed it already." He let him see a copy of it. "Coulson took one directly from Xander. I didn't get into what he filed."
"That's reasonable." He read it over. "Okay, something I was not aware of. Strange was under compulsion to fight for the kid?" He tossed the tablet back, looking at Darcy, who nodded. "How?"
"Xander."
"How did he do it?"
She shrugged. "I don't use magic, Stark."
"Point. Okay, so.... Is he not under compulsion?"
"Probably? I've had one blip on his regulating bracelet since then but otherwise they seem to be leaving him alone." Loki showed up and took the bracelet, strolling off. "Did they infect it?"
"I'm going to attach it to the bad idea of the moment." He grinned at her. "That way he quits trying for your son. Dawn's too tired to deal with things right now without going fully evil." She shivered. "Exactly." He smirked and disappeared, going to handle that sorcerer for her before she blew up New York trying to stomp on him and became the greater evil. She'd hate having to hide from the Avengers for the rest of her life; much less shopping that way.
Darcy grinned at her son then at Stark. "I think it's nice he's not making Dawn break a nail."
Thor shifted, shaking his head. "Dawn could rend this planet if she so wished and tried hard enough. We do not want or need that war, Darcy."
"I know. But still nice of her to use a poker debt to keep watch on my boy."
Thor nodded. "It was, yes. Very sweet of her." He looked at Tony again. "She entailed Loki to protect Adrian via poker debt. She does play quite well and the last time she lost was a few years back. We got a sexy dance from her for it because Sif asked it of her."
Tony looked down, sighed, then looked at Darcy again. "Is that why?" She grinned and nodded. "That makes more sense than a lot of the theories going around." He glanced at Clint then at her again. "Is he safe?"
"He'd better be. Because I'll create stuff that'll make Dawn go 'wow, look at that mom temper' if I must."
"Same," Jane agreed. "And I have ideas already."
Darcy grinned at her. "So do I!" She beamed at her. "Including seeing what Xander has in storage in case I'm duplicating. I heard he has some sort of magical nuke."
Jane hummed, tipping her head while considering that. "That could be dangerous."
"True, but... watching tv shows? I've had a few great ideas." She grinned at her then at Stark. "Can you please proof my math for me? I don't think Jane wants involved and I know you probably won't but it's you or Brucie and I doubt he can. I had a slight fever and was watching Stargate."
"Did you figure out the gate system?" he joked, grinning at her.
"No, the base formula for ZPM."
He flinched then nodded. "Yeah, we want that proofed with what happened there, Lewis. Tomorrow good?" She grinned and nodded. "It's locked up?"
"I think so. Jane, did you get to lock stuff up?"
"I did."
"Good." She cuddled Adrian, shifting him some since he was napping on her lap. She looked down. "You need changed, my son." She got up to do that in the bathroom since she had the diaper bag then came back out.
"Could we make a stargate system?" Natasha asked.
Jane looked over and nodded. "Yeah, it'd make it easier to do the bridge being multi-terminus that way. The formula would simplify by nearly a full page."
"I want notes," Stark ordered. She nodded, grinning at him but taking Adrian to cuddle. Darcy let her since she was a favorite auntie. "You two are kinda scary, ladies." They smirked and nodded.
"If you do get into making SG weapons, can I have a zat?" Jimmy asked. "At the first shot, that may be enough to distract a witch going rogue and we've had a few recently."
"Sure," Darcy agreed.
Tony looked down again, shaking his head with a sigh. He looked at Jimmy. "Harris said he used a succuba."
"Yes but I'm not one so I can't pull that up instantly and I don't play kitten poker well enough to have one owing me a debt," he complained. "I have to get him and Dawn to teach me better."
Tony just nodded. "Yeah, could help I guess." He looked at the others. "Any notes we need to make about earlier?"
"How did he find those HYDRA agents?" Steve asked, shifting to cross his feet.
"He had to go rescue a few slayers snatched by them and took down a lab," Jimmy said. He pulled up the file for that, letting him have the tablet. Steve read it over, scowling. "CIA director Kincaid's son was his contact in that part of the world to take reports. The son passed it on to his dad, who didn't want to share it. I had Dr. Simmons hack him earlier to get those and the other reports we didn't have from Harris and his magical mystery tour of training baby slayers."
"Was he Sergeant Pepper?" Tony quipped.
"Yes, in many ways. The one that the town was founded by in the movie, not the Bee Gees in it. Though that is the only good thing they ever did."
"I agree," Darcy said.
"Me too," Tony sighed. "Okay, back on topic. Those agents?"
"Ask Coulson, not my agency," Jimmy said.
"Great. Do we think they'll rehab them?"
"They were HYDRA already," Steve said, tossing back the tablet. "The CIA left them there?"
"They were probably planning on going back when things got more quiet," Stark said.
"Point. Well, I guess SHIELD will have some fun." He crossed his feet in the other direction. "Xander sent Bucky an apology card and a gift to a burger of the month club." He looked at Darcy. "Why was the kid in Wakanda?"
"That was the day of the bridge creation and Xander was babysitting for me so he was safely out of the way of the building going up. Apparently he needed to be in Wakanda for a minute." She shrugged. "No clue. I'm just happy my son was polite and nice to them. Though I am trying to break the whole ransom thing. Again."
"Good luck," Jane quipped. Clint snickered but nodded. "Teach him not to steal the coffee for it too please."
"Fine. You're the one who taught him what decaf was."
Natasha shook her head then sighed. "He is a bit...weirder than most children but very nice to be around. He has manners, which many don't. He's very sweet, Darcy." She grinned and nodded. "Though he does seem to like weapons?"
"He's been playing with Mew-Mew since he could walk. He tripped over it about an hour after figuring out locomotion and it's been his playmate since then." She shrugged. "We don't let him have bad ones usually. Groo the shield is still being gently petted while he talks to it about how to make it a puppy house with his legos." Steve grinned. Clint burst out laughing. "He's watched when he has anything but those two. We learned how to do that when he took my tazer the first time and nearly got Erik for sneaking into the lab to steal the coffee."
Jane sighed, cuddling him better. "He was so proud Adrian could zap him like his mommy would."
Tony looked at them then at Natasha. "You can teach him yours."
"I could, yes. I may some day."
"We figured out something. It's not well known but his daddy was sterile and I was on an IUD plus we used a condom and he still came to be. We think the higher ups somewhere had a plot to fill in a gap."
Tony stiffened, staring at her. "Your mentor's mentor."
"We think so, yeah. We think he might be the next version." She shrugged. "I'm wondering if I should teach him about music."
"Teach him about club music. Maybe he'll be a DJ." Stark rubbed over his face. "So we can watch out for that."
"Someone suggested we teach him about ninjas so he learns martial arts," Clint offered with a grin for the ladies. Who smirked back and Darcy shook her head. "You sure?"
"Not yet. Let him get older."
"Fine."
"Work on limber exercises and balance ones since he's mid growth again."
"I can do that. He had a lot of fun on the balance beam we have." She grinned at that.
Natasha shook her head. "I've seen him doing minor yoga poses with Thor. I can help with that." They grinned and nodded at her for that offer. "He's making a purple face?"
Darcy took him back to go back to the bathroom, letting him finish pooping into the toilet like a big boy. "He hates to be wiped clean," Jane told them. "We're working on potty stuff."
"It's good for him," Jimmy agreed.
Tony nodded at that. "It seems normal to me too." Loki showed back up frowning. "He's in the bathroom."
"Not that." He tossed Jane the bracelet but Thor grabbed it from her. "Thor?"
"That's not Loki." Jane fired off her mini laser at the being, knocking him out. It did indeed change into someone they didn't know. Thor hummed in pleasure but let the agents handle it for now. "He clearly has magic," he warned.
"Probably one of the sorcerers," Happy Hogan said as he came off the elevator. He helped carry the not-Loki off.
Tony took the bracelet to look at, tucking it into his pocket. "We'll figure out what that would do later." He looked around. "Any other things we have to go over?" No one said anything. "Then go rest, people. With our luck there'll be a 2am call out." They wandered off, mostly in a group. Jimmy stayed to stare at Jane and wait on Darcy.
Maybe Tony could convince Lewis that the agent they actually *liked* could be a good stepdaddy to her special little spawn.
***
Darcy walked into the symposium with Adrian on her hip, smiling as she signed in and took her name badge. She wasn't speaking today, even if someone asked nicely, but there were a few people she wanted to listen to. This event was for new scientists to present their dissertations and work to a wider audience.
Adrian would probably be asleep fairly quickly until the usual fights broke out - there was always one stupid one trying to make a name for himself. Jane and Thor were behind her somewhere because Jane wanted to hear someone tonight and Thor wanted to use the hotel room that he didn't have to clean up.
Darcy settled down in a chair, smiling at Adrian. "It's like a story but with science and math. You're gonna love it." Adrian grinned, going back to playing with his happy meal car toy he had gotten earlier on their way here. She looked over as someone sat beside her, nodding at the blond guy. "Hey. Adrian, can you say hi?"
He looked up. "Hi!" He smirked at him and waved the car. "Be nice to Mommy or I hit you with Mew Mew."
"Mew Mew's upstairs with Thor and quit threatening people," she sighed. "Sorry, he's been highly protective recently."
"Some kids do." He stared at him. "You studied under Sidney."
"Dr. Ian Malcolm? Yeah, he was my mentor in my graduate studies." She grinned. "He said that name is his maiden name."
"Oh." He nodded, getting comfortable. "Think he'd talk to me?"
"No idea. He was handling a few of his new kids opening an accidental portal to a fairy world the last I heard. I sent him closing instructions and how to prevent it by smacking someone upside their pointy head."
The guy nodded. "That could definitely help sometimes. Why so many portals suddenly?"
"Some of it's like proving fantasy novels. Most geeks are geeks who read fantasy stuff and probably played D&D so they're proving it. In New York it's been really easy recently thanks to a battle that the Sorcerer Supreme did. Something in that destabilized the matrix to put it simply. So they're easy to rip and make one. Those kids just opened one into a Fey court." She winced and moved Adrian's car from her shirt. "It doesn't park there."
"Sorry, Mama." He grinned at the staring people sitting in front of them. "Are you telling science stories?"
"Not this time," he said with a smirk for Darcy. "The wife of one of us?"
"Dr. Darcy Lewis, Astroelectrical engineering." She smirked. "No, he's mine. He wanted to learn more science stuff too so he's not like the faulty ones who work up the floor and pout about being less than Dr. Foster."
He winced. "Oooh, you're her." Darcy smirked and nodded. "That's interesting. Are you speaking?"
"Not even if someone asks nicely."
"Pity. I wanted to ask you about the mirror formula."
"I've gotten the curve *about* right but it's still a few millimeters off per hundred miles." The guy pouted. "If you curve too sharply you go the other way. It needs a thirteen to fifteen percent curve to the walkway but then a correction at the end."
"Next year?"
She grinned. "Very likely." He nodded, turning around to make notes. She looked at the guy again, shrugging some. "I had a slight fever and he wouldn't sleep." The blond guy just nodded. She texted her mentor, who sent back that the guy was magical, was still infected with whatever made them evil, and to say hi for him. "Dr. Ian said hi." She looked at him. "And said you're of the sort that tried to get him?"
"Not into that. I'm not one of them."
"Good. I'd hate to have an incident here. It'd rob Thor and Jane of nookie time to back me up." He smirked but nodded. "And he said hi."
"I'll pop around on him later this week to take him to lunch." She sent that and nodded, showing him the answer about when was a good time. "Thank you, Dr. Lewis."
"Welcome." He strolled off happier. She put her phone up and settled in, listening to the guy who was up on stage to start his talk about something he clearly didn't understand. He was using something of Jane's to warp it for something weird. She sent a note to Jane. Jane stomped in a few minutes later to demand answers, making the poor post-graduate guy stutter but answer her.
At the end, Jane stared at him. "I need a new assistant. Darcy's doing too much of her own stuff. Show up tomorrow." She walked off, grinning at Darcy. "Teach him how to make coffee."
"Of course, Jane. Have fun with Thor before you come back tonight." Jane smiled as she walked off, happier now. She looked at the staring guy, shrugging some. "She tried that and it nearly ate Arizona for about an hour. We don't need that tonight."
"Thank you, Miss Lewis."
"Dr."
"Sorry, Dr. Lewis." He shivered, cleared his throat, and got back to his speech and proofs. She took notes on her phone while Adrian looked confused. Darcy whispered in his ear, making him nod and go back to his car toy.
The next scientist, an older woman, showed up and apologized for messy math. Someone did note to her how to fix that as she explained it. She'd get to talk to someone about an internship after all this. When someone flew in using knock off Iron Man armor she took film for Tony. He'd be amused since it was using a nuclear power based battery. Almost cold fusion but not quite. Of course, the thing was overheating so he had to use a fire extinguisher on it. Once the guy was done, Darcy sent the film to Stark's email and watched the one she really wanted to listen to. She had good ideas. Was interesting. Was smarter than Darcy was. She raised a hand. "What are you planning on using that formula you put up accidentally for and what was it actually for?"
"Dr. Lewis?" she asked.
"That looked more interesting. The safe topic you have right now is great. And interesting. I can see many ideas using the base biological formula for breeding endangered species actually." The woman beamed. "What's the other one for, Dr. Melissa?"
"Um, it was something I just started. Back towards my masters thesis on star drift patterns and star drift specifically." She looked at her board then at her. "It's nothing near Dr. Foster's work."
Darcy nodded. "Not what I'm thinking. See me after this?"
She beamed. "Please! I've wanted to write you both to see if you had measurement data I can use."
"Probably. If not, I may know a way to get some." The woman beamed and nodded.
"No poaching. It's trashy," a male voice called.
"Sir, I'm not a student now," Dr. Melissa said. "So I'm not your intern. They won't let me work at the college anymore."
He scowled. "We'll talk about that." He looked over. "Hands off, Lewis."
"Fine." She waved a hand with a grin. "See me later about data from the space ship I know about."
"You do?" she demanded.
"Yeah. I know of where one is." She smirked a bit. "And met an alien who didn't want to kill me."
"Wow. Please, Dr. Lewis."
"Gladly. We'll see if I can help with data." She looked at her son then at the old teacher, grinning at him. He was still scowling but she got off the stage so the next newly graduated doctor could go over his talk. Darcy listened but grimaced. He had the personality of a wet paper towel and the math skills of a squirrel. A few people were noting his math was wrong but the guy was pouty about it. Darcy raised a hand. "He transposed too," she called. "I haven't heard anyone mention that. Third line, second parentheses in."
The math people came up to redo the formula, which made his idea invalid and not workable. They went to the next one quickly and that one made Darcy almost wince at the evil. She casually glanced around, finding a few SHIELD science geeks there. They could hopefully handle that. Finally someone asked what she wanted to know.
"Did you actually work out the mathematical formula to find out how many people you had to kill in a group to make sure they couldn't breed enough to recover?" Dr. Malcolm demanded as he stomped in. The guy spluttered but stomped off. "I hope there's some agents here."
One smirked at him and nodded. "Yes, we are interested as well." One of them went to follow that pouty idiot to have him...recruited.
Ian sat down beside her and Adrian stared then grinned and ran his new toy car up his arm instead of over his mother's thighs and stomach. He looked over. "Am I a highway?"
He grinned and nodded. "Special car with special gas stuff. All sciency."
Ian smiled, patting him on the head. "Hopefully some day you can discover that, Adrian." The next person finished setting up and gave his talk. And it was interesting, but pointless. Darcy sighed. "I know," he agreed quietly. "Repetitive." She nodded a bit. The person didn't get heckled off the stage but was asked by the person she had redone the work of where she was going with that.
She put up her next bit of work to show him and he was amused. Maybe even pleased. So she might have a job offer later too. Darcy let him see the film she had taken, making Ian moan. Which made Darcy react like a woman who hadn't had anything but her hand for the last few months. He stared at her. She shrugged but smirked at him, going back to playing with Adrian and his car toy.
Ian looked at his student as she got up there to give her speech. She had to sit on the stage then stand up because she couldn't make it up the stairs. "Please let her rip them for not being accessible," he muttered. His student did quip about that, making a few people blush. Then she went into her work, which wasn't exciting but it was good. Darcy asked a few questions and that one gladly answered them. Jane and Thor came in and Jane asked something, which the post doc geek said she had went over but answered in better detail. Jane came up to look at her math, nodding. She looked at the geek. "She's into biology, Foster," Ian called.
"She and the geek that did the species formula should work together," Darcy agreed. This geek grinned at her for that. Jane agreed and gave her an idea, which she led the younger doctor off to work on with her for now.
Ian grinned. "She's excellent."
"She has patience today too, Thor reloaded that reserve for her," Darcy agreed. The next one came up to clear the stage and go into his demonstration of new tech. Well 'new' tech that Stark had done ten years ago. It was smaller and lighter now at least. Stark himself got a call and she took video of that one for him. He was growling so she hung up on him. "He wanted me to make notes of anyone who he might want to interview," she said quietly when a few people stared at her.
"Does his lab have openings?"
She shrugged. "No clue. You'd have to ask him."
They sighed but nodded, going back to listening to the newest new doctor of engineering babble about new materials for construction use. Someone asked about the comparison to the current materials so he went over that in better detail. Darcy made notes about him and his ideas. That was up Tony's alley. The geek was a bit weaker too, clearly could use someone big and bad to protect them and their ideas. He'd be chewed on in a regular lab. She unfortunately spotted Justin Hammer coming in and rolled her eyes.
Ian caught it and looked where she was. That got another eye roll from him. He leaned closer to her. "Can we use the plate system to yeet him into space?" he hissed.
"Don't tempt me." She smirked a bit when Hammer stared at them. Then her other geek to listen to was there and speaking. He was...weird. Fairly interesting ideas but no follow through. She sighed. "I was hoping he'd be a good fit," she muttered.
Ian nodded. "He is." He looked at her. "He can back up your ideas." She nodded, making notes on his work and ideas. And personality. She kept Adrian from getting down to go wander. Even when he dropped his car. It got handed to him by Ian, earning him a grin for it. The blond guy came back when they got up to wander and talk to people. Darcy picked a spot in the corner to talk to the one who wanted data and the new geek got waved over too. He looked confused but walked over. Ian stared at his former friend/bandmate/coworker. "Hey."
"Hey. You okay?"
"I'm actually doing okay, yeah."
"She's cute. Smart."
"I'm not dating at this time. I'm still recovering from the divorce." Tommy winced but nodded once. "How's everyone?"
"Decent enough. Buckaroo was really energized by Lewis' mirror thing." He shifted his stance. "She's paranoid," he said quietly.
"For a good reason. They came after her son."
"I saw. That was messy." He grimaced but let it clear up. "Lunch?"
"We have about an hour before they start talking again." He grinned. "Get me for a beer with dinner."
"Sure. You can share how you probably barbequed a dino and how it tasted."
"Gamey. Too tough too. Needed to be stewed instead." That got a laugh and Tommy walked off happier. He settled in to talk to his students, who had done okay. One he sent at Lewis, getting a look around the son's head at him. He waved a hand but got back to interviewing his newest pack of kids to mentor into geeks. Until someone released a gas in the room. "Aww, hell!" he said loudly. He took someone's gum to block up the canister before it affected anyone.
Darcy put Adrian down on a chair. "Stay there, dear." She walked over and zapped the guy, making him scream. "Your genocidal fuckhead theories were bad enough and now you're trying to gas attack us? I'll be damned!" She got him again. "You'd better *pray* some SHIELD agent wants to take you from me." He tried to punch her but someone else punched him and Thor was there to cart the guy off again. "Find out what the gas was, Thor?" she called after him.
"It's for breeding the right sorts," another person yelled. "It was his master's thesis with his girlfriend's help but she went to prison for testing it."
"Great! Is it actually working?"
"No."
"Even better since my son's in here." She went back to cuddle him again. She could shake and curse quietly while cuddling. The other SHIELD science crew went to talk to that guy. With the agent who had let him go free. They got better agents there to handle it. The guy still got away from them and came back in to yell at Darcy.
"You should be breeding not making up things!" he shouted at her.
She handed the baby to a geek then took it from him to hand to Ian, who cuddled him and waved a hand. Darcy stomped over to get into his face, shouting back about women in engineering and science and poking him on the chest until the guy whimpered and backed down. Then she punched him again. Twice this time before Thor tried to intervene. "No, I've got it since SHIELD didn't." She hit him again. "Now, what do you think women in science can do?" He burst out crying.
"Exactly! We've been here all along, little turd. Marie Curie was a double Doctor. Hedy Lamar was pretty and talented beyond making the stuff that created the internet and GPS and wifi. Women are *exceptional* at science because you guys let your emotions block you up like a cheese shit." She kicked him. "Never, ever come near another woman and expect her to just be a handmaiden to your greatness. You're not worthy of us. Now, do you want to talk about any other topic today?"
"No," he cried. "You're evil!"
She smirked. "Only if I'm driven there by stupid, especially self entitled little men who're trying to compensate for premature ejaculation problems by pumping themselves up into thinking they're gods. Trust me, real gods don't have that sort of problem or the tiny little prick you're thinking with." She kicked him on the side again. "Get the fuck up and go politely request that someone save you from me."
He got up and scrambled off, getting caught by Thor to be brought back. She smiled and waved. "Have a great life and I hope you finally find the true root of science, which isn't ego." She huffed and walked over, taking her son back with a grin. "Thanks for the holding, Dr. Malcolm. I've already told him how he should study under you some day soon." She went back to her corner seat to go back to talking to the new geeks.
He smiled at her back. "Not a problem. I should teach him music."
She looked over. "I thought about that topic but he needs to be a bit older. Right now he's just into noise. Stark wanted him to learn to DJ though."
He nodded. "He could use a good one for his parties." He went back to talking to his kids. The others had more gossip this time. Something new to talk about and it made a few worry about Lewis going evil but she was a mom. If she went evil it was because someone went near her son.
***
Ian looked at his former band mate that night over dinner, sipping his beer. "So, did he send you to find me?"
"No. He's pouting today. His anniversary would've been next week." He sipped his own wine and put the glass down. "Are you happy doing chaos?"
"I actually am. It explained a lot that I didn't understand about Buckaroo at the least." He dug into his burger, glancing around. "I can't believe SHIELD left their geeks here without backup again." He shook his head, taking a bite.
"They probably won't need it after earlier. TMZ and others reported Thor being heroic by carting off the genocidal idiot."
Ian smirked a bit. "They like to do that." Stark stomped in and right to where Jane was. "Good, maybe he'll rescue a few from Hammer," he said loudly enough that Jane heard and smirked at him. He looked at his former bandmate again. "Any other happy news?"
"Not at the moment. Rawhide's come back."
"Good for him. It's probably happier for him."
"Do you still do medicine?"
"Now and then. I got asked to consult recently on an interesting post-poisoning case that had energy instabilities as well as demon taint." He grinned a bit. "Very interesting. I would've written it up but it might endanger him again." He ate another bite.
Darcy strolled in, handing Tony a copy of her notes. "From earlier." She pinched him on the arm with a grin. "Two people asked if the labs had openings, I told them to ask you. I may have found an intern of my own too." She walked off.
"I'd like to see the proof of your little tablet thing," Hammer called.
Darcy smirked at him. "We can do that." He flinched back. "Ask the ones who went." She got a drink and walked off. "Thor, your half-brother is down. Heimdall sent him off before he slugged him I guess. Or that's what he was muttering."
"Balfor?" Thor guessed. Darcy nodded, walking off sipping the beer. "I'll talk to him later. Give him my greetings, Darcy."
"Yup. I did."
Thor grinned at Jane. "She is an excellent diplomat at times."
"She is. She can disagree with you while making you think she's agreeing." She got back into her pasta dish. "I found two, Stark, and one who needs data. Darcy wanted to share some of our joint data with her."
Stark waved a hand. "Go for it as long as it doesn't create something we have to fix." He walked off reading the notes. The one with the Iron Man tech got found first. He really wanted to talk to him. He found him with SHIELD agents but oh well. He walked past and walked the guy off by hauling on his arm. "Let's go talk."
"Mr. Stark," the guy spluttered. "I'm a huge fan!"
Stark smirked. "It is actually Dr. Stark and I'd guess that with what you showed off earlier. So let's go talk, kid."
"Yes, sir." He followed along like a handcuffed puppy.
Ian Malcolm grinned. "Science is much more interesting than medicine most of the time. Even if most conferences do have just as many drunk and annoying people, we get whole new realms of entertainment." He ate more of his burger, watching as his friend laughed.
Thor looked over. "It's been most amusing even with the drunk ones creating." He looked at one corner pointedly. "I do not wish to have to manifest my hammer as tonight is Jane's night to talk to people." That group blushed and ducked their heads. "Thank thee."
Jane just nodded. "I've had some very interesting ideas thanks to tequila too." A few others giggled at that but they all understood what happened when science mixed with alcohol - usually it came with explosions added. A fire alarm started and then they heard gunfire. Jane sighed. "Thor, go get Darcy," she ordered. He nodded, hurrying off while the rest of them brought their dinner out with them. The gunfire probably wasn't about them. Or Stark.
Nope, it was about the genocidal guy. "Beekeepers," she muttered. She looked in her bag, taking out a plate and tossing it in front of them and setting up the remote. It went to a ship that wasn't Xander's ship. Stark had set up an experimental landing pad up there in what was basically a cargo container with minimal life saving capabilities and space. If they didn't make it, well, no one really cared. If they did, they couldn't do much but whine and wait to be rescued.
She set it off as soon as some got close enough. A few more tried to rescue them. Stark pushed a few that were trying to attack him and the geeks there, making them stumble into the radius. Jane thought about clocking Hammer to make him go with them but he might do something odd to the pod and create a dangerous situation.
Darcy came over with something, using a marker on it. It got turned on and she tossed it at a few others. "Catch!" They did and then screamed as they got eaten by whatever was on the other side of the mirror. She grinned and waved at the remaining ones. "You're trapped between my portal, Jane's portal, and Stark. With SHIELD people behind you. Are you that stupid?"
"Yes, they are," Jane reminded her. "Remember, they're the ones that thought you were my mother."
"Oh, yeah, I didn't forget that." She shifted her stance. "Keep it up." She threw out something when they tried to escape, penning them in. They screamed as the energy field ate them. "Drunk science, bitches!" Hammer ran up to her so she shoved him that way.
"Don't touch." He spluttered but she walked off. She took her son back from Thor and Baldor. "Thanks for the holding, guys. Go be heroic studs so they're rescued. Watch out for Hammer, he's probably got some contact nastiness waiting to infect you with cooties." She looked at her sleepy son.
"C'mon, we'll go lay down. It's time for a nap." She headed for the parking area. An agent followed her. She gave him a pointed look and he backed off, holding his hands up. "Thanks." She got into her car, put him into the carseat since it was next to her, and drove off. Her little economy two seater was just enough car for them. Good on fuel efficiency too.
Stark shook his head with a sigh. "We really have to let that whole lab have a vacation week," he called.
Jane grinned and waved. "We'd like that. Thor really wanted to go see Australia again. I could use some bikini math time too."
Stark grinned and waved back. "Taking Lewis?"
"No, then I'd never get to have bikini math time. The kid can't really do the beach that way, Stark."
"Point." He walked off, walking over someone on the ground. "Let me know if we need more help."
"Mr. Stark," one geek said quietly, holding up an envelope. "I'm working on my diss on nanite tech. Can I have you read it over and give me an idea where I've bitten off more than I will ever chew?"
"Send it to the lab," he said with a nod. "In care of Pepper. She'll make sure I see it. Sending it to me means I'll put it down and forget it's there until a robot sets it on fire." She grinned, making a note on that so she could mail it that night. He grinned at the staring SHIELD people. "Someone's got to follow in my footsteps since I don't have a kid. Unless I warp Lewis' son."
"He'll be the best armored pirate ever," Dr. Simmons said with a grin and a wave from her spot. "Your tech and the weapons we've seen him loving on?"
He smirked back. "Someone promised him the pirate ship they won in a poker game." She moaned, shaking her head. He walked off happier.
Dr. Fitz looked over, patting her on the arm. "Hopefully the little one will follow any we have as well."
She swatted him but looked happier at that. "Ours had better not become an Avenger."
He grinned. "Of course not. They'll run the first lab on Mars." She grinned and nodded.
"Habitat domes are a complex engineering process and something someone in here is probably working on," one of the professors quipped. He sipped his beer. "Even if it's just a hobby."
A few people nodded and came over to talk to the two doctors about that and their ideas on how to teraform or at least inhabit Mars.
"Hopefully we'll never run into a species like that show Earth 2 did," one said at someone's comment about keeping out threats. The others looked that up and mostly groaned.
***
Adrian was helping his mom pick up stuff at the generic superstore, which he hated, but he saw something. "Mommy, booty!" he shouted, bouncing in the cart as he pointed and cheered. "Mine!"
She looked then at him. "That's cardboard. It won't stand up to you playing with the booty you collected," she said, letting him see it. A few other parents were giggling at that. "See, it's not fit for a *real* pirate. It's meant for fake ones." He pouted, cuddling it. "You can have a trunk if you want one." She took him to look at the trunks by the luggage. "See, there's this kind. They're wood on the inside so they're strong enough to hold a lot of booty."
He leaned over to look at it then frowned at her. "Rough, Mommy. Would hurt the booty."
"It won't hurt the coins. We can look online to find a trunk that's better." He nodded, letting her put the cardboard one down. She did a quick search on Etsy, finding them from thirty dollars to over three thousand for an antique. She couldn't afford that one so she wouldn't be letting Adrian pick. She found a cute one and considered it. "Okay, it looks like we can find one on payday, Adrian."
He pouted and whined. She stared at him. "Money doesn't just appear, son. I can't use lab funds to buy you pirate gear. I'd get in trouble and go to jail for it. So payday." He nodded, settling down. She finished picking up what they needed and took him back to their apartment to put the pouty one down for the night. She spotted a few people watching her but she recognized one from SHIELD so maybe it wasn't a problem.
Someone did try to follow them in the parking lot so she kept the cart with them. It meant her hands were free of Adrian and bags in case she needed to pull her tazer or her pepper spray. Which she did. "Get away from my kid." The agent backed away. "Thank you. Car, Adrian." He scrambled in and she hip nudged the door shut once her purse and bags were in there. "You needed something?"
"We think you can be of great use to SHIELD, Dr. Lewis."
"I think SHIELD's weak and late to everything. Including when the lab was invaded by aliens and they were only a few floors away." She stared at him. "I don't think I'm going to be taking them up on their offer. Thank you anyway and you can tell Coulson I said that."
"That's a bad mistake," the agent warned. "SWORD can't protect you."
"I don't work with them either." She stared him down until he smirked. "I think you need to go away before I finish dialing the on-call agent for SHIELD to make sure you're actually one." Someone shot the guy and walked out of the shadows. "Great. Thanks for the rescue but no thanks." She got into the car and started it, driving off quickly, calling the tower to warn the guards what had happened. She hitched Adrian in after a block, when she was sure they were safe enough for a minute. Officers were waiting when she parked, getting out with her son and the bags. "Let's get out of the garage," she ordered. One nodded, following her and the kid up to the lobby area. "I have no idea if that guy was an agent or not."
"We got the film, ma'am."
"Dr. Darcy Lewis. This is my son Adrian."
"All right. The one that got shot wasn't an agent that they admitted to," one of the officers said. She sighed but nodded. "Did you recognize him?"
"I saw him in a coffee room the last time I had to drop something at SHIELD for Stark a few weeks back." She swallowed. "I have no idea what that was about beyond them trying to get me to work for them instead. Which I don't want to."
"All right. Are you an engineer?" another officer said.
"Astroelectrical physics."
The officer considered that. "So nothing weapons related or anything like that?"
"Probably not but I could figure out how to build a space ship drive probably. If someone figured out the mechanics of how an engine should work I could find how to power it."
"Okay," he said, nodding and writing that down. "Did you see anything else odd?"
"I was working on containing the pouty one there who found a cardboard pirate's chest that won't stand up to how he plays with his ransoms and booty treasures. Looking up better alternatives on Etsy while keeping him from grabbing more shiny things for his auntie to coo over with him."
"Many moms do," Happy agreed, coming over. "You good?"
"It's nearly wine o'clock again. They said they wanted me to come in to work for SHIELD. I told them no, I told them Coulson hadn't asked and I thought SHIELD sucked because they're slower than hell when things happen." Happy grinned at that. "I mentioned the last assault we had here that they were two floors away for most of it."
"True." He looked at the sleeping kid then at her. "Then one walked out of the shadows?" She nodded. "Showy."
"I'm pretty sure they can match him to the brainwashed ones Xander called," she said quietly.
He called up that video and let the officers see it. They selected one and looked him up. "Yeah," Happy said. "He was a HYDRA agent." He looked at her. "Good instincts."
"Bad nerves," she quipped back. "I need to go crap myself."
"We'll make sure your apartment is safe tonight. Where's the boss?"
"Probably still at the conference talking to the new geeks. There was one who redid some of his older ideas with some new tech."
Happy winced. "He's going to be up all night. I'll warn Pepper." He looked at the officers. "Is she in trouble?"
"No," one of them said. "The higher ups are not amused. Including the agents that're bothering him."
"I feel the same way about most agents," Darcy admitted. "They've been very present recently."
Happy nodded. "They have but somehow manage to not be in the right spot at the right times." Adrian snorted and woke up, glaring at everyone until Darcy cuddled him back to sleep. Happy grinned at her. "You're good."
"I try. Jane helped a lot. He used to set her eating schedule sometimes." She looked at the officers, who nodded for her to go. Happy escorted her up to her apartment and she locked them in to put the baby down, have some wine, and then have a slight panic attack that they had been attacked again.
Maybe they needed to move to a safer area to work on science and pirate things.
***
To Be A Baby Daddy Or Not To Be A Baby Daddy, That Is The Question.