"Yarr! Give me booty or be a hostage!" a tiny voice shouted, waking Bucky up suddenly from his nap. The agent squealed and ran off, mostly because Adrian had his mommy's tazer this time. "Fine, I'll hunt you down for ransom later!" he called after him. He heard panting and looked around a chair. "Sorry! Not see you. You not hostage or ransom. You're too big for that." Bucky stared at him so Adrian nodded. "You are! Big like Lil Jon!" He grinned. "Mommy's a fox like Marian too." He blew a kiss. "You nap, Lil Jon bear! You need a nap. I sorry I woked you." He ran off giggling. "I have to find hostages for booty! Silver booty if I'm a good boy!"
Bucky stared after the kid. "What?" he demanded quietly. A video got put on the tv so he watched it. "Okay. I like that version of Little John at least. And he's not rapping." He was so confused.
Darcy came up the hallway huffing. "Did my little monster of a son come this way?"
Bucky pointed. "He's chasing hostages with a tazer." She groaned but nodded. "He told me I'm not a ransom because I'm too big and I'm like Little John."
"He loves that version of Robin Hood. And Men in Tights too actually. Totally my fault. I'm sorry he bothered you."
"No, I had a nap until he ran off someone. I don't think they were supposed to be up here anyway."
She grinned. "He's good at that."
"He said you're a fox like Maid Marian."
She blushed and ducked her head. "That's sweet but I'm still going to ground him from swimming in his silver booty for a few days for this. He knows better than to steal my tazer or go hunt down hostages to ransom off." She walked off happier. Her son had some manners! Even if he was scaring people. She found her son standing on top of a girl who was probably not a nice one with how much leather she was wearing in that catsuit of hers, and she was unconscious but he had clearly tazed her. He looked so proud.
"Did you steal my tazer?" she demanded. "You know you have to ask." He squeaked and jumped, staring at her. "Really, Adrian. We need to talk about all this. You're not allowed to hurt people unless they're trying to hurt someone you know like you or me or Bethany." She took the tazer back, discharging the cartridge then putting it into her pocket.
She picked up her son. "Let's go have another talk because you're now grounded from swimming in your booty for *days*." He sniffled and pouted but put his head on her shoulder as she carried him off. "Mistress of the Universe AI, can you tell someone about her in case she needs help?"
"I've already alerted security, Dr. Lewis. She's not exactly a nice girl."
"Figures. Just like his daddy." The AI giggled but left it there. She took her son to the caf to talk to him about being a *good* boy and not a pirate all the time. He had to be a good boy or they might have to leave if he hurt someone. Or upset someone too much. She even denied his whining for cookies. Someone tried to give him one anyway. "Nope. He stole my tazer and zapped someone after waking up someone innocent from his nap."
"I not see him!" Adrian complained.
She stared at him. "You're supposed to check, Adrian. You can't be bothering people here. Especially the ones upstairs. Remember, they do really hard things and need to rest, not to be bothered by little guys who want to play with their weapons." Adrian pouted again. The agent walked off nibbling the cookie, happier now.
"I'm a good pirate."
"You need to be a good boy, not just a good pirate."
"Mean!"
"Yay." She smirked. "Keep it up, watch me tell Grandma."
"Ooh. Very mean." He pouted more but he knew the rules. And the consequences. No cookies and no swimming in his booty for a week was really mean though. "We movie?"
"Maybe later." She gathered him up, taking him to get Jane and her coffee then back to the lab area. He didn't even get any of his special coffee so he got to pout in the corner until someone loved him again. Maybe he needed a minion instead of a hostage for ransom. He had heard his auntie talking about minions before. Maybe he needed one of those to do whatever minions did. It might even be a nice one his mommy would like. She could use some happy times again.
Darcy looked over at her very weird little boy then at Jane, who shrugged. They had no idea, they weren't boys.
"Mommy, what are minions for?"
"Paperwork," she said dryly. "And other boring things."
"Oh." He went back to his thinking. He needed to get his mommy a minion. She had to do a lot of boring things like math. Their lab helpers came in and he came to help by handing them papers from each other. He even got to deliver a few to other labs. He ran into his hero and stared up at him until Bruce looked down. Adrian held up the envelope with a grin. "From Mommy and Auntie Jane. What're minions for?"
"They're for doing things you don't want to have to do." He took the envelope. "It's like a lesser intern only they have fewer real jobs."
"Oh. Mommy could have one?"
"No, she has lab helpers instead, Adrian." He grimaced but nodded. "Who taught you about minions? Did you see the movies?"
"Minion movies?"
"Yeah, there's a few."
"Auntie talked about minions. Said she could use a few." He leaned closer and grinned. "Mommy should have and they could make her giggly." He beamed and nodded. "Mommy should be happy."
"Your mom should be happy," he agreed with a nod. "A few new lab helpers could help. You should ask her to watch the minion movies with you." He heard someone outside shouting about kids in the lab and sighed. "Did you run into him?" Adrian looked then shook his head. "Huh. Wonder why he's shouting then. Let me walk you back to your mom's lab so you're safe from the yelling." He did that and went to butt into it. "What's going on?" he demanded. "There's almost none of us that have children and I'm sure the parents are making sure their children are safe enough."
"It's not safe!" he shouted with a point. "She's playing with chemicals and it'll hurt our child!"
Bruce looked at that geek, who rolled her eyes. "You're pregnant?"
"I am. And I'm a chemist. My ex-husband is just a moron."
"That can happen." Bruce looked at him. "There's lab protocols for how chemists do things while pregnant. As long as she's following them she's generally safe unless one of the engineers around here blows up a building." The man flinched back. "Second, you're disturbing a lot of us. Yelling like that could make us flinch and accidentally blow up the building. Third, if you're her ex-husband then you really have no say in her life anymore. I'm sure she's taking all the precautions she can as she works."
"She should be at home!" the man complained.
"That would hinder her work and put her years behind for every six months of maternity leave she took."
"She won't need to come back, she'll be dealing with the child!"
"Plenty of geniuses have children," Bruce said dryly. "There's nineteen in the daycare downstairs. And one in the lab right now being a lab helper to an astrophysicist. Her being a chemist doesn't mean she automatically has to stay at home with the child. That's a decision she'll have to make for herself. Especially since you're a former husband not a current one."
Jane walked over holding Adrian. "What's his problem?"
"His ex is a pregnant chemist." Bruce looked at her. "He needs to watch the minion movies."
"Darcy thought that might make him want to be an evil overlord instead of a pirate."
"That could be," he agreed, patting the kid on the head.
Stark strolled up to them with Happy behind him. "There's no yelling on the lab floors unless you just caused property damage. Also, I'm going to make sure you can't get near her again via restraining order. This is going to be noted so if she disappears we'll look at you first." The man stomped off. He looked in there. "You good?"
"I'm fine. That's why we got divorced after six months. He's very traditional and I don't fit that stereotype. Thank you, guys. And you, Adrian. I hope my future kid is so neat."
Adrian looked confused. "Not new kid?"
"She's carrying a baby," Jane told him. "In a few months she'll have a new baby. Who'll have to grow up for a few years to get closer to your age."
"Ooooh. I've seen babies." He got down and came over to pat her on the hand. "Your baby will be nice." He grinned. "Maybe sometimes naughty too. I show him booty?"
"When he's old enough to appreciate it you can definitely teach him to covet booty," she promised, smiling as she petted down his hair. "You're a good boy most of the time." He grinned and nodded.
"He's grounded the rest of the week for trying to chase down a new hostage," Jane admitted, leaning on the doorway. "His mom even said he couldn't have cookies."
"Well, sometimes that has to happen," the chemist agreed. "I'm sure he'll be a good boy after this." Adrian nodded, hugging her arm then heading back to cuddle his idol. Everyone but Bruce grinned at that. Bruce just patted him and let Jane have him back. He went back to his lab to make notes about this in case it became a court case.
Darcy came in blushing about an hour and a half later, swatting him on the arm. "Don't give my son ideas please."
He grinned at her. "About minions?"
"He said I needed a minion to make myself happier. Which for him means I'm having dates and fun times. Jane asked him happy in what way."
He laughed. "Well, he is a mommy's boy right now and he knows you're probably a bit lonely with just him."
"Probably but still." She frowned. "He asked Stark if he had a minion I could borrow to get happy with."
"Tony probably had a few in his younger years," he agreed, grinning at her. "He's trying to make you happier."
"Probably so he can go find hostages again. Speaking of, Miss AI. Where is my son stashing them now? He told me he had to go feed and water his hostages."
The AI cleared her virtual throat. "Well...."
"I'm going to have to tell Tony, aren't I?"
"I don't think Sir is aware," the AI agreed. "He did ask for privacy so he could make them excellent hostages and they have been exceptionally good for him. Two of them are most happy because this is their nicest vacation ever. They seem amused whenever I ask them what they need in the way of humane comforts. They have access to a bathroom, Dr. Lewis."
She scowled up at the ceiling. "He's not even three yet, FRIDAY. He doesn't get privacy mode until he's a teenager." She sighed, looking at Bruce. "Want to go tell Stark for me?"
"Hell no. Thank you though." He smirked back, clapping her on the arm. "He's your little pirate."
"Yes he is." She sighed. "Where are they, FRIDAY?"
"Floor 33, room 123 B."
"Let me go release his hostages and have another talk with my son." She walked off groaning.
Bruce was highly amused at all that. He did call over to Stark's lab. "Tony, talk to FRIDAY about the baby pirate's privacy allowances." He hung up and got back to his note making. "Some day I need to write my memoirs and this is probably going to be a highlight."
Up the hall, Stark sighed. "FRIDAY, what is the baby pirate doing with his privacy request?"
"He's kept a good group of pet hostages, Sir." Tony glared because she almost sounded pleased. "They have everything they've needed. He's kept them very well. It's good practice for a puppy according to him. Or a monkey maybe. He talked about a parrot but didn't like that they couldn't control where they eliminate wastes and might hurt a machine like him spilling things did."
Tony Stark never thought his AI would be more weird than him. Apparently he was wrong about that. "Where?" he demanded. "Does his mother know?"
"Just now. 33-123 B, Sir."
"Great. Will they need medical?"
"No. He's been very good to them, Sir."
"Uh-huh. Hopefully she grounds him for a good bit for this." He trudged that way, hoping not to hear Darcy having a fit at her son. He was trying to block her way in there so he picked up the kid and grinned at her. "No, he doesn't have privacy rights until he's employed."
"I thought maybe a teenager so he could sneak and date," she complained. She knocked then walked in. "My son is going to be very sorry." She stared, blinking a few times. "Uh-huh. How...." The agents shrugged but grinned at her. "You guys need anything right now?"
"Best vacation ever," one of them told her with a smirk. "He's a good little boy. Comes down to feed, water, and let us potty as he told us." She moaned but they were tied with zip ties. "Yeah, one of the security team redid them today when someone came looking for the ropes he stole."
Tony looked up. "FRIDAY, I'd like to talk to that guard with Happy and Pepper please," he said tightly.
Darcy looked at him. "YOU? I have not heard a *thing* about this until my son decided to slip that he had to come take care of his hostages! Somewhere I think I've went really wrong, Tony."
"He's creative," Tony assured her, looking at the kid. "You really are not allowed to take hostages while in the tower. It's mean and people will think your mom and I are just as mean, and Pepper's even meaner than we are. No more hostages."
"But booty and ransom," Adrian pouted.
"We'll find other ways to get you ransom and booty, kiddo." Tony tried to cut a zip tie and it wouldn't cut. "Who made those?"
"SHIELD," one of the agents chirped with a grin. "They have to be dissolved."
He sighed but called that up to Natasha, who claimed she didn't know anything about those and she was in Queens at a farmer's market with Clint. Tony muttered once he hung up.
Darcy called SHIELD herself. "Hey, it's Dr. Darcy Lewis. I found an agent tied up. No, they're fine. My son took them hostage for ransom. He's not quite three, lady. He thinks he's a pirate. Someone here used some new zip ties on them that you guys designed so they need to be gotten free. How do we dissolve them?" She listened to that one ask someone else for advice. "Put me on with an older agent please," she demanded. Then she kicked the wall a few times.
Tony took the phone. "It's Stark. Put me on with a senior agent. Now. Thank you." He handed the phone back once they were on. "I could've called, Lewis."
"My son doing the evil shit, my turn to call. Oh, Agent May. It's Dr. Lewis. My son's taken some of your agents hostage for ransom. Yes, that pirate living one. He's the only one I have. A security guard here used some sort of new zip tie system that has to be dissolved. How do we do that so they can go free? Yeah, we're at the tower. Thank you. No, I'm going to be having a talk with him about that. Again. For the second time today." She glared at her son, who tried to hide behind his hostages.
"Lewis, ease off. He's a good boy," one of them told her. "It's really been the best vacation ever. It got me out of a debrief, a lot of paperwork, and a shift on the command bridge. He's had us for about three days now."
"How did whoever get the zip ties?" Darcy asked. They all shrugged back. "Great. Please. Thank you, Agent May." She hung up. "Give her ten to laugh and then find the solution and driving time." She looked at her son. Who ran off when she sighed. "Go have Thor talk to you about this, son! I'll yell at you after dinner!" She heard him crying but oh well! He took hostages. Again! Someone walked in and she looked at Happy, who looked amused. "How did the security guys get SHIELD gear?"
"He claimed he won it at a poker game." Darcy sighed but nodded again. "He said he helped the kid so no one would be mean to the kiddo for taking fully trained agents hostage."
"Oh, I'm going to nag the son," she joked, grinning at him. "A lot. Did he make it to Thor?"
"He made it to Barnes, who was sparring with Falcon in the gym."
"Sam has sense. Can you warn him why the son is fussing."
"Yeah, I can do that." He walked off, going to tell them.
***
Agent Melinda May walked into the head office. "We can call off looking for a few agents. Apparently they were taken hostage."
Coulson looked up. "Rescue mission needed? Do you need a team?"
"To get them from a toddler?"
He blinked a few times. "Excuse me?"
"Dr. Lewis called. Her son has taken a few agents hostage for the last few days. One of them said loudly it was a great vacation in the background."
He put down his pen, staring at her. "How did a child, even that child, take full grown agents hostage?"
"I do not know. But someone in Stark tower got our new restraint ties and helped by tying the agents up for him so we wouldn't laugh."
He tipped his head. "Get us film if you can so we can train against toddlers?"
"I think it's just that toddler. Or maybe it's just younger pirates." She walked off to get the way to dissolve them then went to the tower. She walked in and took pictures to send to Coulson. "The director is very amused." Darcy moaned, kicking the wall again. "How did he get them?"
"We don't have video," Darcy admitted, looking at her. "He asked FRIDAY for privacy and she granted him some." They looked at the agents.
"We had another one in here with us and he was a bad guy who complained the kid robbed him of his weapons," one of them said.
Darcy stared. "Does my son still have weapons?"
"No. That same guard took them from him. I'm guessing one might've been a gas grenade or something though."
"I need to have a good, long talk with my boy."
Agent May got them free, letting them go use the bathroom. "The director is going to want reports so we can warn other agents how to not be captured."
"Best vacation ever," that one guy told her with a smirk. "No paperwork, no debriefing, just rest and cookies and coffee." Melinda smirked at him. "I know I'll have some now."
"Yes, you will. And probably fewer cookies." She waved a hand. "We should get you checked over. Just to make sure you don't need medical attention for a poor diet." She looked at Darcy, who was still moaning and shaking her head. "He's a very unique little boy. Very, very unique. But he shows great promise as a future agent."
"I'd rather he become an accountant."
Melinda patted her on the arm. "We have use for those too. Talk to him about going to SHIELD or SWORD please. Some day I'll need a protégé." She followed the agents out. She did stop at the security office to see if they had found film. They barely had any and that agent had sent in a report from his home. He was clearly hiding as he had went home early right after they found the hostages. She got them back to the base and shared that story with the science team as they were in medical for a lab problem. She stared at the agents when they were done being checked over. "Name the other agent."
"Rollins."
She raised an eyebrow. "Really?" They nodded. "How did he get a drop on him?"
"We're pretty sure the Stark robots helped."
"I do need to claim that boy as my future protégé before Romanoff can," she decided, walking off to note that to others. She went into the office, finding Hill waiting as well. "I need to stake my claim to train Lewis' son as a future agent before Romanoff can. He captured Rollins and stripped him of weapons. It's believed that's how he got our agents down so they could be held hostage for three days. They've cleared medical, are heading for a meal that has more than cookies and coffee, and said it was a great vacation." She walked off again.
"Barton's already working on him," Hill called after her.
"I can straighten out any weird, arrow related things," Melinda called back. "It'll make him more well rounded."
Hill looked at Phil, then out the doorway. "Do I want to ask?"
"I don't think I do," Phil told her. "Have fun if you do, Maria."
"Yeah, let's not. I just hope Nick doesn't hear." She stood up.
"Lewis will taze him or send him to a volcano. They have that plate system set up with the other end inside a Pacific Ring of Fire volcano that's not near civilization."
"I have a few I want to test that with," she decided, walking off happier.
He made a note about that incident, but started a list of people he wanted to test that idea on. He'd compare with hers since there was probably some overlap.
***
Happy walked into the sparring gym. Bucky was cuddling the baby. "He kept a few agents hostage for three days," he told them. "Very successfully. FRIDAY said he did a good job tending to them." Sam Wilson opened his mouth then walked off shaking his head. "He's supposed to be finding his Uncle Thor to have a talk about responsibilities."
Bucky nodded. "Yeah, we can help with that. He's got to be a good man for his mother." Sam came back nodding while talking to his sister. "She have any helpful ideas?"
"Thanking God her sons are too old for that stuff." He patted Adrian on the head. "You should talk to your mom, little guy."
"Mommy really mad," he said with a pout at him. "She getting madder."
"Yeah, moms can do that when you do bad things," Bucky agreed. "But your mom's pretty great. Not like she spanks. When I was a kid we got spanked." Adrian's eyes went wide. He nodded. "Yeah. Me and my sisters."
"Did you take hostages for ransom too?"
"No. We weren't allowed to do that at all. We didn't know too much about pirates in those days."
"That's mean of them." He pouted at Sam. "She already yelled and grounded. No cookies or swimming in booty!"
Sam nodded. "Sometimes that happens. If you do bad things, you get punished. That way you don't do bad things again."
Adrian pouted at Bucky, who nodded to back Sam up, even though he wanted to smile. Steve walked in. "Tell him that we got a lot worse punishments than him being grounded from cookies."
"Yeah, we did. Many of them. What happened? Tony walked off muttering."
"He had some hostages," Sam said.
"Oooh. Okay." He stared at the little boy. "Did you take another lab person hostage?"
Clint jogged in. "No, he took some agents hostage. For days this time." He picked Adrian up to stare at him. "Didn't we talk about your mom not liking that? Moms don't like hostage taking, Adrian. It makes them really upset and then they cry or yell."
"She yelled at me," he agreed, pouting at his 'uncle'. "She really mad!"
"Yeah! Ya think!" He walked him off to talk to him. "Thanks for helping, guys."
Bucky shook his head, bursting out in laughs. "He took agents hostage?"
"Yeah, he's real creative. He named my shield Groo the puppy," Steve told him with a grin. He pulled up other videos of the kid for them to watch. Sam downloaded them to his phone so he could share them with his sister. She was amused but still thankful it wasn't her boys.
Bucky went to help Clint. The little guy obviously needed more male influence and Clint could be a bit...screwy now and then about things. So maybe some more adult reasonings would help. They talked to the little guy about guy things and being a good man like his mom would want until Bucky walked him back to his apartment. No mom yet. Adrian pulled him into his room to look at his blocks and toys, and his trunk of booty.
"We swim!" he cheered. "Before mommy find out."
"I have no idea how to do that. I only swim in water."
Adrian showed him by pouring out his change jar of silver to lay down and wiggle in. Bucky grinned at that. "See!" Adrian said. "You try?" He got out of the way.
"I don't think there's enough there for me to swim in. I have to build up my booty stores." Adrian beamed and grabbed something from under his bed and poured it out for Bucky. That was nearly enough so he got down to show Adrian how to swim better. That way he had a better stroke. Adrian cheered and got down to swim in his own pile. Bucky showed him the proper arm movements; it could only help when the kid got near water. That made the little pirate happier too.
Darcy came to the door, arms crossed over her chest as she watched them. They were having fun. She waited until Bucky winked at her to clear her throat. "I could've sworn I said the littler pirate was grounded for tazing someone earlier."
Adrian squeaked and stared at her. "But, booty swimming!" he said with a point. "I teaching! I'm being good, Mommy!"
"Hmm. You're very good to teach Bucky how to swim in booty. Where did you get more?"
"Under his bed," Bucky said, sitting up. "Sorry to break his grounding."
"It's fine. We can lock up his pirate booty for the two weeks he's grounded." Adrian started to sniffle again. "Ah!" He quit and slumped. "Two weeks, son. You stole my tazer earlier. You hurt someone without yelling for an adult. You kept hostages for *days* and didn't let anyone know."
"They be ransomed!" he protested.
"Not if no one knows to pay for them."
"Oh. Not think."
"Yeah, very not thinking. So put your booty back in the jar or wherever and move it to my closet for the next two weeks. Then you're having broccoli for dinner." Adrian sniffled again. She stared at him. "You did better when you got born, son. Quit trying to get out of it. Before I add more time."
"Yes, Mommy." Bucky helped, getting grinned at. "You sneak me booty?" he hissed. Loudly.
"If I can." He carried in the small chest and the change jar for Darcy, smiling at her. "Sorry," he said quietly.
"Not your fault. Toddlers are manipulative." She shrugged. "The agents are going to be laughed at hard for this," she said quietly. "My son is a bit unique some days."
"Yeah. But that makes him special and great."
"It does. He still can't take hostages. Please tell Clint to remind him of that?"
"Clint and he talked about showing he was responsible enough for a pet by taking care of his hostages."
She just nodded. "We'll see. I have no idea how long we'll be here. We've moved every year and a half for the last five and a half with Jane." He winced but nodded. "No idea on pets. Thank you though. Did you have a talk with him about big guy things?"
"Yeah, we did." She patted him on the arm, going to talk to her own son. He really had to be a better good boy.
Bucky went upstairs to collapse on the couch. "The kid taught me how to swim in booty." He grinned. "He's hidden some of it like a proper pirate but his mom's grounded him for two weeks."
"Good," Clint agreed. "He probably deserves that and the lecture from hell. How did he get the agents?"
Tony texted Hill, who shared. "Better question, how did the kid get a HYDRA agent down? Oh, and Hill says the one that showed up claimed his future training from you, Bow Hard."
"Like hell May will get him. I'll have him warped long before then so he'll never fit in with SHIELD." Natasha smirked at him. "He won't!"
"Good," she agreed. "Which agent?"
"Rollins. May said the agents reported being gassed or something. He apparently had Rollins trapped and stripped his weapons but that same guard guy took them from the kid." He looked up. "We need to talk to the guard guy about reporting those things."
"Yeah, that's bad." Clint and Natasha shared a look but Steve looked pissed off. "You wanna go after him, Cap? We'll follow."
"Yes, I would. Any idea if he's still nearby, Stark?"
"Not sure yet, Shiny. Hill's looking it up. She'll brief you tomorrow once she figures it out by pulling that guard out of his house by his short and curlies." He looked up. "So apparently a second mom talk is going on tonight." He looked at Bucky. "He had more change?"
"Yeah. He had a nice size little plastic chest under his bed. Nearly enough for me to lay on top of fully and swim in. Oh, I taught him how to actually move his arms for proper swimming, Clint."
"We're working on his balance and stretching but yeah, that could help."
"Agent Barton," FRIDAY said. "Miss Darcy said that her son will *never* want to work for SHIELD and if you warp him too much she's going to beat and taze you and let her son keep you hostage for years. He is not to ever be an agent."
"I agree," he said happily. "I'm warping him so they won't take him."
A pause. "She said that's fine but warp him towards science or accounting or something normal please. She doesn't want him in any sort of uniform. Oh, and she did get an email in reply to yours to your former handler about common sense lectures. She read it, laughed a bit, but did quote some of it."
"Coulson will be pleased. He tried so hard to donate common sense to us," Natasha said dryly. She looked at Clint. "Melinda May giggled." Clint shifted to stare at her. "Freaked out the entire building by *giggling* about that booty video." She smirked at him. "People went to battle status because she was happy."
"Awwww! I'm sure she's proud!"
"Probably," she agreed. Stark walked off shaking his head. Bucky and Steve went to the kitchen. She and Clint made plans for Rollins. Cap didn't have the subtlety they had. It'd take that to catch someone like Jack Rollins. Or apparently thinking like a young pirate with robots.
***
Darcy woke up, which was weird. She had been on her way to the campus to do a bit of research. She looked out the covered window, finding sunlight, then at the guy staring at her from the chair across from her. Happy had made sure she knew what he looked like since he hadn't complained too hard about her son taking him hostage. "I have an appointment at two. If I'm not there, they'll call Jane, who'll tell Thor, who'll sound an alarm."
"It's not even one yet, Dr. Lewis," he said dryly. "I heard we should talk about a certain young man."
"Huh?"
"That a certain young, hostage taking one may be related to me."
"I doubt that. His dad knows, has met him more than once, and knows a lot about him." He blinked a few times. "He has a dangerous job, not as an agent, and is protecting Adrian by not totally being in his life."
"So he does know?"
"Yeah, he does." She nodded a bit. "They've played more than once actually. How did my son capture you?"
"I was told he might be mine so I was checking him. I let him so I could check on him."
"When did we sleep together?"
"I was told he was from an experiment that SHIELD ran."
"Um, hell no. He came from a night of fun that made me sore enough to remember it fondly. SHIELD was breeding agents? Does the current admin know that? Or I can tell someone like SWORD."
He grinned. "Knew you were a spitfire."
"Well, yeah. And my son comes by it naturally."
"Clearly." He stood up and let her go. "College is about two blocks that way," he said with a point. "I hope he's a good boy."
"Who told you that he was yours? So I can sic his daddy on them. Or maybe Thor."
"Fury himself."
"Huh. Yeah, he has not a clue. He still probably thinks I'm a tag along intern he has to remove so he can put someone Jane will never trust in my place."
"Well, yeah," he agreed with a smirk. "Is he a good boy?"
"Now and then. But he still thinks he wants to be a pirate. I'm totally sorry he took you hostage."
The guy smirked, shaking his head. "Nah. He was good at it. Got a robot to clock me on the head and tied me up good."
"That guard that took your weapons?"
"He's got a shrine to ya in his house." He winked and strolled off.
"Thank you for not being mean, Rollins," she called after him, then went to the college instead. Her car was outside so that was nice. She drove off after taking a few pictures, going to the college to hide and call someone. A few someones. Her appointment was scowling when she walked in. "Sorry, someone stopped me to talk to me about my son's baby daddy." She sighed. "How late am I?"
"Not more than a few minutes. Is he all right?"
"He'd better be in the daycare," Darcy admitted. "I hope he stayed today. His buddy is in so he's not so bored." They went to that science person's office to go over what her intern would need to complete and how much paperwork she had to help the poor kid with.
Back in the warehouse, another guy stepped out, shrugging. "So we can cap Fury now?"
"Yeah, let's go do that." He grinned. "The kid is really good."
"I saw. He ties knots like Romanoff though." They walked off together to hunt down the person who had told that lie to them. Buddies helped you hide bodies.
***
Darcy came out into a press ambush. "What the hell are you doing?" she demanded, getting away from the camera. "I'm not news worthy."
"Who's the father of your son?" the reporter called.
She turned to glare at her. "Why the sudden interest in my son's father? It's nothing that would interest anyone but us."
"It's said he might be Dr. Malcolm's son. They seemed friendly at the conference you both attended."
"I studied under Dr. Malcolm. Adrian and I both sat through a few classes with him when he wouldn't go to daycare." The reporter slumped. "Sorry to burst a fandom bubble or whatever, but no, he's not his father. I love the guy, he's a great mentor, and he's got a voice that made many female students happy, but he's not my son's dad. And if he wanted to change that he's more than man enough to ask me out. Since he hasn't and we've known each other for over three years?
"I'm pretty sure he's not interested in me that way. Sorry, but have a happy day!" She got into her car and drove off shaking her head. She really had to send a few nasty emails. She decided to divert to the SWORD offices, going up to Jimmy's office. She knocked and leaned in. "Why oh why did Nick Fury tell former Agent Rollins my son was his from some sort of breeding program?" she asked loudly enough to be heard by others.
Jimmy grinned at her. "It's mean to feed the office gossips, Lewis." She smirked. "He did?"
"Yeah, we had a talk earlier. Short one, he let me go after finding out that was wrong."
"Did he hurt you?" Jimmy asked, standing up.
"No. I woke up tied nicely to a chair. We chatted, he let me go and thankfully I was really close to the college. That does explain why my son took him hostage though."
"That's...interesting. I'll go ask that for you." She smirked and nodded. "Hold on, Fury's dead."
"Apparently not since they chatted recently."
"Huh." He nodded once. "That doesn't surprise me. Go back to the tower and be safe for the day?"
"You were slightly out of the way."
"Okay. Let's get you back to the tower."
"I can drive."
"Uh-huh."
"I got stopped by a reporter too. She thought he was Dr. Malcolm's."
"Well, toddlers are proof that life find a way and chaos theories," he said dryly, smrking at her. "Go home, have some wine. Let me go nag someone."
"Thanks. I'm going to tell Stark tonight."
"He's out of town with his girlfriend."
"Huh. Yeah, I can tell others." She walked off, going back to the tower via some coffee shop randomly.
Jimmy looked at his door, grinning a bit. "Very interesting." He gathered a few things, hearing the gossip already starting. He went to SHIELD, paging Maria Hill to meet him there as well. He walked in and let Melinda lead him back again. "Oh, stay, Agent May. You may be amused." Maria Hill walked in and Coulson stared at him.
"Darcy Lewis got kidnaped by Rollins earlier." He held up a hand at Hill's swearing. "He wanted to talk to her about her son, who Nick Fury said was the result of a breeding operation. She said he was totally polite and nice. Just chatted for a few minutes, got told he wasn't his, and let her walk off. But that does explain why Adrian was able to take him hostage."
"We knew Fury was alive," Melinda admitted, crossing her arms over her chest. Jimmy grinned at her. "Oh, dear."
"Yeah, on the way out of the college's lab, some reporter tried to get her to admit the kid was Dr. Malcolm's too. She's on her way back to the tower to send Stark an email."
Coulson tipped his head, looking at Hill then at Melinda. Then he looked at the SWORD agent. "Why would Nick Fury care about Adrian Lewis?"
"She noted he thought she was a tag along he had to get rid of to replace with someone Foster wouldn't trust."
"He did have that feeling," Hill agreed, considering it. "Is this another moment of that?"
"Does he actually know she's got a doctorate now?"
"I haven't talked to the man in over eight months," she admitted. "Right now, I want to hit him with a bat."
"Try a car. Fury could probably survive like a roach."
"Probably," Hill agreed then huffed. "That makes more sense. Damn it!"
Coulson nodded. "We'll have a talk with our former director, Agent Woo."
"Thanks." He grinned. "Lewis is only getting more paranoid. Oh, and she's figured out something from that Stargate show. Some sort of energy thing they had on Atlantis. Just the preliminary though."
Maria Hill straightened up. "ZPM?" she hissed.
He grinned and nodded. "I've asked her to make me a zat for stopping witches."
"We have two that were thrown here somehow. See if you can get her to figure out how to recharge them," Melinda said dryly. Jimmy grinned at her. "Did Rollins agree to leave the kid alone?"
"She said he understood the boy wasn't his. She also said all this loud enough that all the SWORD agents near my office heard. We have just as much gossip as you guys do. Sorry." He grinned.
Coulson nodded. "That is one way to stop bad ideas from starting," he agreed patiently. "I'll have to buy her flowers for outing Nick. Any other cheery news?"
"Not yet."
"Thank you, Agent Woo. Let us know if you find any more developments?"
"Of course. SHIELD handles many more things than we do in SWORD." He grinned at Melinda. "And you're prettier doing it."
"No flirting."
"Not trying to. You scare me too much for that and I need someone sweeter." She walked off happier with a snort of amusement. He nodded at the other two before going back to his office to finish his paperwork.
Hill looked at Coulson. "Bat?"
"I like his car idea."
"I'd hate to pay for the wreck." She walked off scowling. Lewis would be telling everyone so her son was safer. That was handy in this case.
***
Darcy walked off the elevator on the Avengers floor. A few people glared at her but she glared back, heading for Clint's room to knock on the door. "Nick Fury told Agent Rollins Adrian was his through some sort of breeding experiment. He was very polite when he took me for a few minutes to ask about that."
He leaned on the doorway, staring at her. "Go slower. I've only had two pots of coffee."
"Excuse me?" Natasha called. "Who said what?"
She leaned back to look up the hallway. "Nick Fury told Agent Rollins Adrian was his," she said more loudly. "The result of some sort of breeding experiment. He was really polite when he had me taken so we could talk for a few minutes."
Natasha came out of her apartment with a towel around her wet hair. "You're fine?"
"I'm good. I was tied up a bit but he was polite. We just talked and he let me go to the college. I doubt it came from the same reason that a reporter stopped me to ask if Dr. Malcolm was his daddy."
Natasha blinked a few times. "No, that probably came from someone jealous of his successes. You are well?"
"I'm fine. Not even a bruise from the ropes. He was very polite and nice, soft spoken." She grinned. "Totally a gentleman and polite."
"Where?" Clint asked. She showed him a picture she had taken before driving off. "That's not real specific." She showed him the mailbox and sign next door. "That's nicer. Yeah, we can look there." He looked at Natasha, who was seething. "Did you tell anyone else?"
"Agent Woo. I stopped at his office to tell him and about as loudly as I did you two." She grinned.
"Yeah, we can find that out. And if there is a breeding program we can stop that shit." He looked at Natasha, who was nodding. "Let us look into that, Darce."
"Gladly! I'm not an agent and don't want to be!" She beamed and walked off, going to tell Jane in the lab.
Clint looked at Natasha, who went to dry her hair. "Let me know when you're ready."
"Give me twenty."
"Sure." He went to change into better clothes to go snoop around that warehouse area. Once they got there, they found the two chairs, one with ropes, and a letter on the other. She took it to read, letting him have it. It had the location of Nick Fury as of a few days earlier and a promise that they wouldn't have to deal with him.
Melinda strolled in so Clint gave her the letter. She nodded. "Not if I get there first."
"Is there a breeding program?" Natasha asked.
"No idea," Melinda admitted. "Hill and Coulson are looking while talking about what to hit him with."
"I've got a few lovely ideas," Natasha said. Melinda grinned at her for that. "Do let us help."
"If I can. I'm not faster than Hill is."
"We can help her as well. She'd expect it," Clint quipped, going back to his searching. The ladies followed to help. Rollins and whoever was a complication they didn't want to spread. If they became the pilots moving Hill to wherever Fury was, she wouldn't mind too much. Probably. If so, she could take a long, drugged nap so they could talk to Nick Fury first.
***
Xander walked into a bar and over to a contact, staring at him. "Tell your boss thanks for being so nice to my baby momma," he said quietly.
The man spluttered. "What?" he demanded. Xander just grinned. "Go tell 'im yourself! I'm staying all the way out of that discussion."
"Fine." Xander went back to that room, knocking before walking in to look at the duo back there making plans. "I've already confiscated that warehouse for next month's battle." They both gave him a dirty look. "Sorry. Just showed up to tell you thank you for being so nice to Darcy about little Adrian. He's so precious. And he loves my weapons too." He gave them a pointed look, earning a clenched up moan. "Yeah, no one knows."
"That makes a ton of sense." Rollins leaned back to stare at him. "Seriously?"
"Yeah!" He grinned. "It was fantastic and the higher ups over the slayers interfered to make him come into being." He shrugged. "Oh, I got the HYRDA agents still on ice to SHIELD when we had aliens going after the kiddo. And I stole the vault in Rumada for the girls too. Sorry but, well, ya know how it goes."
"Usually I'd expect that from a sugar baby," Rollins said, glaring at him.
"I'd do sugar baby but no one I date ever seems to want to let me get off too. So I had to handle it myself. Do *you* want to take on the next problem?"
"Hell no!"
"Then yeah, I borrowed. Oops, did it again." He smirked and left.
Rollins looked up then at his cohort. Who was shaking his head. "Find out who those agents are. They were ours." He went to do that while Rollins thought. Him being Xander's kid explained a *lot* about that kid's skills. Though he didn't think Lewis was that dangerous. Certainly not dangerous enough to draw Xander's attention. Huh, maybe he had miscalculated that woman. He'd have to watch her moves, see what she did.
His cohort came back. "He told Petey to tell you first but he's sworn a vow of secrecy. Rumlow, five others, two of them other STRIKE guys."
"They're ours."
"They're in Geneva getting dethawed and deprogrammed."
"Love Switzerland. So pretty there," he said as he got up. "People, Harris stole from us for the girls again. He warned about next month." A few in the bar moaned but called that in. "We're getting out of the way before he has to get us there too." He gathered his teams, going to Geneva to release their coworkers. They really didn't need to be in SHIELD's hands. No one deserved that or Coulson scowling at them in his understated way.
He detailed one person to do a better background check on Lewis. If she was dangerous enough for Harris, he might want to recruit her. Maybe she'd want a second kid some year. He was a lot more sane than Harris, and had better fighting skills. They'd make pretty babies for Adrian to hover over protectively.
***
Maria Hill noticed her two charming pilots but let it go. She was not going to ruin their fun or get between them and Nick Fury. She wasn't dumb. She just wanted her own beating time. "I get him last," she called. They grinned at her.
***
Ian Malcolm was walking off rubbing his forehead. The reporter had given him a headache. He really had to thank someone for telling that whopper of a lie. It was nice that Darcy had told them off earlier but still. "Maybe I'll build a set of her plates and put them on that special island," he told himself. "That would be fun. They'd have a lot of fun there." Then again, that was mean. He did try not to be mean and evil. Now and then though....
He got back to his office to find a single rose in a vase with a card. From Darcy apologizing for sneering in his name and taking his fun. "That's sweet and she wasn't mean at all to that idiot reporter. That's why they came back." He looked over the plans for her plate system; they had given him a copy in case he ever got stuck near another bout of dinosaur induced chaos. Yeah, he could easily build that system. Not that hard it looked like. Yes, Buckaroo and the others would *love* to play with the dinosaurs. He did love exotic animals. Tommy loved to wear their patterns so that might be helpful too.
It'd give Buckaroo a lot of meditation time to calm himself down and find a way out of it by improbable means.
Unfortunately someone beat him to it, almost. He answered his phone that night. "What?" He listened. "I didn't send the herbivore to come meet you, Tommy," he said dryly. "Sorry, wasn't me." He listened to the complaining about the huge thing that was eating the trees on the fence line. And how it had batted one of the guys into a building hard enough to break him.
"Well, yes, that's how they fought. Like giraffes do I understand. Are they all right?" He grinned. "That's very nice of him. I'm sure Buckaroo had a lot of fun putting those ribs back together. But I still didn't send it. Probably whoever told the press that a certain child is mine when he's not. No, I'm sure he's not. I've only had her in classes and I don't sleep with my students.
"Oh, is there a betting pool," he said dryly, smirking some. "That makes a lot of sense about how people accused me of being his father but no, I'm not dating her. You can tell them that. Have fun with it and maybe talk to the local zoo. They should be able to figure out a nutritious diet for the poor creature. No, I doubt you can shoot it and it is rare so it's probably illegal to kill anyway, Tommy." He leaned back, putting his feet up on a desk drawer. "You can check with DNR. They might have a response already out for it or know what sort of nature preserve can handle it.
"Well, an herbivore isn't dangerous to people if left alone. Like moose. They're only dangerous when people interfere. Sure, you have fun, Tommy. Tell it I said hi if it's one I'd remember. They do have memories even with smaller brains." He hung up and giggled for a bit. He could just see Tommy, hair all messed up from pulling on it, staring at the dinosaur while trying to figure out how to eliminate it. It'd liven up their lives over there. So maybe he'd send them to that volcano instead since they might be expecting dinosaurs.
Or maybe Space. Buckaroo would love space.
He'd find out later someone in the labs there had been messing with the ideas of portals and had brought it by accident. He laughed a long time about that bit of arrogance.
***
Darcy kissed Xander on the cheek when he showed up next time, handing over a letter. "They think you're faulty." She grinned. "You have fun with that as I'm not going to answer that idiot." She handed over the kid. "Please talk to him about being a responsible little good boy who doesn't torment women? I've tried but he doesn't get that other women should be treated like he does his mother."
"I can do that. Is he pottying or do I need a diaper bag?"
She handed it over with a grin. "Complete with snacks and a change of outfit." She kissed her son, who pouted at her. "He's allowed to let you play with shiny pirate weapons but you will be a good boy."
"Yes, Mommy." He grinned up at Xander, who winked and took him with him. "They do 'spr'ments today," he told the women staring at him. "Uncle Xander watch me!" He beamed. "He have nice shiny pirate kitties."
"I'm sure he does," Buffy agreed, patting him on the back. "You're probably a good boy."
"Most of the time," Xander agreed. He settled at the table. "We're going to talk about three big bad things that'll have to be handled by the slayers, so I can tell your mommy later and she can tell the big hero sorts like your Uncle Clint." Adrian beamed and nodded, settling in to hear these new stories.
Giles stared at him oddly when he walked in. "I see we're joined today by a new member of the Council."
"Mommy's doing experiments today that may include radiation. No kids allowed in the building and it wasn't safe if he went with the others to the z-o-o."
"That's reasonable." He settled in to go over the upcoming big things. The witches were staring at the little boy. "Yes, he does have magic," Giles said. "His mother, Dr. Lewis, had us check when we were up making a pact with the Avengers team."
One of the witches smiled. "You're very strong."
Xander grinned at her. "Mommy got the pointy end of the stick from the PTB. He somehow came through three forms of birth control." The witches all winced. "Yeah. But I'm a good unclie and he loves my weapons." They shared a grin. Someone gasped. He glared at them. "No. Comment," he growled.
"Yeah, never one," Andrew said quickly, glancing around. "Shit, she's not here yet. Thank you!" he muttered, looking up.
Xander grinned and nodded. "Yeah, basically." Buffy looked confused. Xander grinned at her. "What?"
"I'm not going to ask," she said quietly, patting the kid on the head. "It's good he's a good boy." Xander smirked and showed her the video from Wakanda. "Awww. Yeah, he's a good little pirate probably."
"I has *huge* booty," Adrian agreed happily. "I swims in it."
"That's gotta be more fun than swimming in water, which is dangerous," Buffy said. She patted him again. Giles sighed but grinned at them. "We're not telling anyone." The others all nodded, even if they were still confused. "Because the fit will be loud."
"The fit would get her hurt," Xander quipped. "A lot." The witches all nodded at that. "So, Giles, big things are big and scary, are they powerful?"
"Magically, yes. That one will need some backing up by the coven." The witches all nodded. Willow came in from class, taking off her jacket as she walked in. "Willow, just in time. We're going over the next threat and it is magical in nature. And rather tall."
"That's fine. I can help." She paused to look at the kid. "Why are you with Xander?"
"Because Xander is babysitting," Xander said dryly. "His mom's playing with something that could create radiation today so he can't be nearby."
"Oh, that's not too weird I guess. You do okay with the mini slayers."
"Yeah, I do." He looked at Giles again. "Weapons or no weapons?"
"I doubt it'll work. We will need some sort of shield I think." That got a nod. "Or at least a way to contain the area."
"Wakanda's shields may have a portable version we can bum for a few hours," Xander said. "I can ask."
"That would be nice. Thank you, Xander." He made that note for himself. "If not, could Adrian's mother be asked?"
"I can try. I don't think it's her form of science though. She's into astro-electrical stuff."
"Astro-electrical?" Willow demanded.
"Um, yeah. That's what her doctorate is in." He looked at Giles. "Speaking of, two witches with so-so powers are working at the same place Darcy studied, under Dr. Malcolm's people." He grinned. "So far they haven't caused any issues and have actually stopped some of their buddies from creating more unicorn portals after they made one to a Fey High Court." Giles sighed, shaking his head. "We should probably set up a working relationship with them. We could use the geeks and one's a biologist and the other's a chemist if I remember right."
"That's not a bad idea." He made that note as well. "Strong witches?"
"Ethical ones too." He grinned. "They chewed a fairy witch at the school so much she ran to a demon bar crying to get away from them ripping her a new one for daring to start a dryad colony to help the environment. They'd die in New York City," he told the witches. "And that was a strand of trees due to be cut down a few days later."
"Yes, that's not a good idea. There's much better ways to promote more trees and the like without invoking the Fey." She smiled. "Chemistry is really potions on a bigger scale. Are they using it together?"
"To stop some of the other students who created a unicorn portal," Xander said dryly with a grin. "Twice now."
She sighed, looking at the others then at him. "I should go visiting to see these portals."
"Sure. There's three unicorn foals being born sometime in the near future thanks to one of them letting some over and them pouncing some horses in the park." She giggled. "Seriously. Oh." He snapped his fingers. "That brought Baphomet out, Giles. He'd probably say hi. He's teaching history at CUNY. He took a foal with him that made it across the portal."
Giles stared at him. "Are you certain?" he asked quietly. "We've had sightings." Xander pulled up the pictures Jimmy Woo had sent him to identify them. "Oh, sweet Janus that is." He handed the phone back. Adrian looked and scowled. "Yes, he's quite mean, little one." He looked at Xander. "Causing trouble?"
"Teaching history to pretty young coeds at a state school," Xander quipped with an evil smirk. "I doubt he's getting much worshiping in. Like when he was in Miami on the beach and was staring at all the bouncing bikinis he's appreciating girls who wear jammies to early classes."
Giles straightened his shirt out then sighed again. "As long as he's not causing problems...." He looked at the witches, who all shook their heads. "We'll leave him be until he causes a problem. Has the slayer up there talked to him perhaps?"
"What slayer? There's no slayer in New York," Buffy said. "It's almost eerily quiet."
"Guess we know why," Andrew said. "What happened to the couple who were teaching at our college?"
"The two at Addams went to Minnesota," Willow said. "The high one at Hellmouth U is in Lisbon. I'm sure they're enjoying Portugal."
"What little we saw after that battle while flying home looked pretty," Buffy agreed. "Are there many walking around down here?"
"Seventeen by what I've heard," Xander said. "Oh, that's who's getting married in Asheville tomorrow. Their reception.... Then we have the ascension in Atlanta." He grinned at Buffy.
"Huh. Drunk higher level demons or a huge demon worm in a major city. I'll take....ascension for a hundred, Xander. It's going to be less messy."
Giles cleared his throat. "Yes, you're leading that one. Faith's leading the one in Asheville. Xander?"
"I'll be at both probably." He shrugged a bit. "I did warn Agent Woo I'd see him both places." He grinned. "He's told SHIELD. So it won't be just us. Oh, and Buffy, that one in Atlanta, he's a producer guy, the one that helps rappers record albums." She moaned, shaking her head. "So yeah, wear something nice looking at least."
"I can do that and make sure the girls have cute yet practical hair and makeup too." She sighed, looking at him. "The only one?"
"We can't get to the other one. They know and Dubai said to not bother coming in. They've got it handled." He grinned.
She looked up. "Thanks for that!" She looked at him. "Any other happy news?"
"Donnie's boyfriend is ATF but has *no* idea what's going on. He's not using her to get inside more than her panties. He has no idea she's a slayer."
"I'll have her talk to him about that. Maybe he'll go to Atlanta with us." She texted that slayer to let her know. She got a swear back but oh well. "Is he going to be a problem ex?"
"No clue," Xander admitted. "But it'll be a huge fight if he finds out from the tv."
"Yeah, had one of those. Didn't enjoy it," she decided, adding that to the text message. She looked at Giles. "So back to the upcoming bad things that aren't in the US?"
"One is," he reminded her. "One's in Texas."
"Texas has a lot of yahoos with guns," Xander quipped. "And demanded that any slayers be backed up by their national guard and militias. Tell Tiffy."
"I hadn't thought of that," Giles admitted. Buffy sent that message and about the problem. The answer back of 'hell to the fuck no' made her amused and Giles too. "Handled," Giles read. "All right then. We apparently won't have to fall in probably. She'll let us know beforehand." He went to the third problem. Which was going to be messy. Floating clouds of gel-like material messy that were carnivorous. In a major European city. "Xander, can you warn them for us? Our person over there is being ignored."
"Yeah. I can go tell Tiffy's father-in-law. He's Interpol."
"I hadn't thought of him. Thank you, lad." He smiled, showing Adrian pictures. "They're very mean clouds because they eat people."
"Eww," Adrian said, then grinned at him. "We bite back?"
"Yes, the slayers will be." He patted him on the hand and got back to the other things they had to talk about.
***
Xander showed up in Europe that night, going to where the slayers were waiting because he had told them to. "Okay, ladies, let's confab about the nastiness you've got coming up in two months," he said loudly as he walked over with Adrian and beers. "Slayers, hoo ya!" he shouted, leading a toast.
The girls smirked because they understood what was going on and drank to that. He went over the situation coming up in a few months since they had a lot of attention from the locals. Including a few officers that were stomping in. Xander grinned. "Hey, guys. I'm Harris with the Council. Did you want briefed over the battle coming just outside of town in a few weeks?"
One of the officers stared. "There's a what?" he demanded.
"Our person tried to tell the mayor and the mayor blocked him." He grinned. "So yeah, huge flying, biting clouds." He handed over a briefing sheet. "This is your battle team of lovely fighting ladies who are going to get to miss both battles tomorrow." They drank to that too after tapping glasses together. He grinned at them. "This way you know."
"Yeah, we wanted to know," the other officer said, nodding at the staring kid. Then at the slayers. He looked at Harris. "You couldn't be subtle?"
"We tried. The mayor blocked us." He grinned. "If he doesn't block hearing about things we don't have to have these meetings in a bar."
"Got it," they agreed, calling that in and sitting in to hear about how you fought these things. The department would have to help and probably clean up the mess.
***
Shuri walked into her lab half asleep, that's why it took her a moment to figure out she had visitors. She spun and stared at the guy with the sleeping baby on his shoulder. "Aww," she said. "You brought him to visit?"
"No I came to brief you guys about something coming up to see if we can borrow something shield like. His mommy had to deal with radiation issues earlier."
"Awww." She came over. "Huge?"
"Very and magical." He let her see the notes he had made. She grimaced. "Just asking for a shield to protect the witches who'll have to fight them."
"I'll see what I can do. Our state one isn't portable."
"I wasn't sure if you had a portable version for things like diseases maybe?"
"Actually I do. It's about house sized. We'll see what I can figure out in the next week." Xander stood up, kissed her on the cheek, and disappeared. She went to the throne room. "Just saw a watcher." Her brother flinched, staring at her. She grinned at the staring diplomat who was boring her brother. She handed over the notes. "Not here. He wanted to know if they could borrow some shielding technology?"
"I think that could be useful," her brother the King agreed, reading it over with a frown. "That's not very close by but better it gets stopped quickly." He handed back the notes. "I don't mind if you donate to that."
She grinned. "Thank you!" She looked at the nearest Dora Milaje. "There's *two* battles tomorrow due to be televised. One's an ascension. The other's a wedding reception for a very high pair of old gods." That one called that in with a grin for her. "We won't be seeing the one in Dubai probably and they didn't want slayer support. It was on the bottom of those notes." She let her see it and it got read too. "Let me go work on the house disease shield device. That may be the best fit." She strolled off again.
The king smiled at his warriors, who grinned back. "She needs to rest."
"She has had long hours today," that guardian agreed. "We'll make sure she gets there later, My King."
"Thank you. I worry she'll work herself into an early grave." He walked the diplomat off. "My sister is brilliant but like many geniuses she lets her brain rule her life instead of her common sense. I've had many days of pulling her out of the lab."
"Like Tony Stark does?"
"Yes. He's most enthralled by her." He grinned. "They shared information a few years back and she got a grant to update something she had worked on when she was ten to put on the market through them so it couldn't be tied back to us at that time."
"That's astounding."
"It is. We're most proud of our princess."
***
Adrian, pouty and tired, walked up to his uncle and climbed in his lap to cuddle. "Mommy?" he asked, yawning and snuggling in.
"She's waiting on you in your apartment," Clint said, grinning at the sleepy guy. "I'll call her for you." Adrian waved the paper he held listlessly as he fell back asleep. "What's that?" He took it to look at. "Huh. Upcoming slayer battles, people. We have two tomorrow." Stark moaned, taking it to look at. "That's a great delivery," he cooed, cuddling the little one. Darcy came up. "He delivered notes on the upcoming battles."
"Xander said he did pretty good in their meeting earlier. And at the bar in Germany." She took him back to cuddle. "C'mon, we'll get you to sleep, Adrian," she cooed, walking him off. "Thanks, Clint."
"Always happy to catch little pirates."
Stark looked up from his scanning the notes in. "He is a good little boy." He went back to scanning things in. "Okay. Rogers, do you want Asheville?"
"Will they need us for a wedding reception?" Clint asked.
"Old gods having a wedding reception?" Stark asked, looking at Thor, who nodded quickly. "Did you want to go?"
"It would be rude as I wasn't invited. They probably wouldn't see me as one of them anyway." Thor shifted to get comfortable. "The other one tomorrow?"
"An ascension. In Atlanta. One in Dubai but they said they've got it."
Natasha looked at him then snatched the notes to read. "I'll go to Asheville in case the girls need backed up." The others grinned at her for that. "Perhaps I'll meet someone pleasant."
Thor leaned over to look at her. "If Igno flirts with you, say no quickly," he warned. "He is intoxicating and deadly to humans. He is the bride's brother. One of many."
"Understood."
Clint shook his head. "I'll help with the giant worm. That way no one pinches me. I always get pinched at wedding receptions." Natasha patted him on the arm with a grin.
Steve shook his head. "I can go to Asheville if we think it's necessary."
"A lot of powerful beings getting very drunk," Stark said dryly. "Yeah, probably just to contain the mess."
Steve nodded, getting up to look at the weather report so he knew what to wear with his uniform. Sam and Bucky went with him to plan what they'd need. Natasha could join in as it happened. She liked that. She'd probably go in a better looking outfit than a battle outfit too.
***
Faith looked at the goddesses staring at her. "We're just here to make sure it doesn't involve normals," she said firmly. "Not to stop the wedding, put up a fuss, anything. Though if someone attacks the wedding we'll try to stop it as much as we can. But I can't let you guys destroy the city."
The bride came forward. "I don't mind, Faith. It's sweet of you to make sure we're safe and they're all safe from us."
"Xander had a vision," Faith said bluntly.
"Oh!" They shared a look and nodded. "Yes, we'd love to have a way to keep down any strife, Slayer Faith. Thank you for the kindness of protecting us and the normals."
"Not a problem. That's why I had the girls dress up some so they didn't look too unclassy." She pointed. "SHIELD people are trying to blend in too. Just, if something happens, shout? I'm going to be by the trees nagging Symira by text most of the night. She dated something trashy that is so far down even the trash eaters won't touch it."
The bride grinned, going back to her preparations to share that news. The girls faded into the atmosphere for now. They looked like respectful tourists for the most part. They didn't interfere in anything until yahoos tried to interrupt then they broke it up and drove them off. They didn't want to mess with slayers.
One of the girls stopped one by kissing him stupid but then she walked off smirking at him. The other few things were stopped by the agents keeping demons from leaving the reception site to go party in town. And one attack by someone who wanted to sob on his ex-girlfriend's lap. He thought she was the one getting married and she was just a bridesmaid. She also beat him herself and handed him to the slayers to deal with for her.
The few slayers, and an agent, who went home with a new lover from the wedding reception...well, they probably got happy at least.
***
In Atlanta, Buffy checked her hair then her nails, waiting on a park bench to hear where the problem was. They had SHIELD and SWORD agents ready to drive them wherever. They had weapons in the car. They had news from Xander that made Buffy call a diplomat to warn him to give them Xander back or else she'd bring all the girls there to vacation and party.
They did and he got released, being brought somewhere by the witches. They were still trying to pray the demon back into a human. Even after he ate a few people. And laughed. And told them they couldn't change him back, he was now a supreme being. That was when the military stepped in to blow it up. The prayers were still going but they could debate about it later. When the news crews weren't around.
The Atlanta eclipse started and the girls all put away things, heading for the cars. The agents got them the few blocks away to handle the demon wiggling its way out of the building. They attacked and the demon pouted but oh well. They couldn't let one stand. It died after trying to eat a few agents. It only ate one of its clients. The girls all got happier and a few asked someone for autographs then the agents helped them get back to Cleveland.
***
Buffy came out that night, looking at the reporters. "What? We're about to go out for some stress relief."
"Are the girls all right?"
"Yeah. Everyone's fine. A few of us have some ringing ears from the weapons earlier but otherwise we're good. The ones at the wedding reception in Asheville were really polite and got thanked. None of them got drunk so I'm happy. Those of us in Atlanta didn't get messy so that's nice. We got Xander back from the panicking sort. We're all good. Why wouldn't we be?"
"The one in Dubai?"
"They said they had it, didn't want help. Not our choice."
"Okay but everyone's good?" Buffy nodded. "The report from SHIELD saying that the girls were really injured?"
"We had agents with us and they got us home. They know we're not injured. Who said that?"
"One of the old PR people?"
"No. And they shouldn't be making statements about us either."
"Okay. We'll figure that out." She grinned. "If it was alien would you guys handle it?"
"Probably. As long as they're not human."
"Okay. Thank you, Slayer Summers." She went to report that and find out who had made that statement. They all saw Xander walk up behind that agent and zap them with a cattle prod, making him scream and change back to a green skinned alien. The 'guy' was holding a conference about the slayers again. The others in the crowd as reporters winced at that meanness.
Xander grinned and released something in a vial, making them all foam up and all illusions fall. "Hey, bitches!" He grinned and waved. "Skrull be gone please!" He walked off, leaving it in SWORD's hands.
"Hey!" that one skrull complained. Agent Woo smiled as he came up to arrest him. "It's not illegal! We're trying to help!"
"The slayers said to stop it. They're all mostly fine, pending some getting back from the wedding reception." He led his skrull off while others got the ones in the crowd.
"This is so unfair."
"Oh well."
"We're being good citizens."
"Yay."
"We didn't even help when Nick Fury had a brain fart."
"He has many," Agent Woo agreed patiently. "And he's wrong to do that."
"But..."
He got shoved into a van and Jimmy went back for a few more. He looked at Xander. "We won't have another day like this for a while, right?"
"Three upcoming. One's mostly magical. Germany finally quit trying to cover up that they're having one soon that'll eat people. And one in Texas." He grinned. "They wanted to handle it themselves."
"Uh-huh. Brief me later?"
"I emailed you notes or Stark has them."
"Gee, thanks." He looked around him at someone coming their way with a gun. "Yours?"
Xander looked then nodded, checking his watch. "My date for Helena's thing tomorrow." He went to distract him. He could use a night of fun first.
Jimmy got a few more skrulls to arrest, letting Xander handle the dangerous one. They weren't going to hurt agents while kissing Xander.
***
Adrian ran up the halls screaming 'ahhhhhh' and everyone stared but no one knew why. Nothing was chasing him that they could see. His mom followed at a jog a few minutes later. So it was probably amusing instead of dangerous. They watched Darcy carrying him back looking amused.
"What happened?" one of the labbies called.
"He was delivering for us. He found Stark nakedly knocked out after an explosion." She went back to Stark's lab. "Guys, I threw the blanket over him so he wasn't just hanging out naked in the lab. Is he okay?"
"Should be," one of the nurses said. "Did he find this?"
"Yeah, and went screaming up the hallway because Tony was naked." She grinned. "That envelope gets tossed somewhere safe, it's stuff he wanted Jane to sign off on." They did that before lifting Tony up on the stretcher and taking him off. She took Adrian back to their lab, going to cuddle and calm him down. "Tony's clothes got burned off. He got scared."
"I not look like that!" Adrian said firmly, staring at her.
"No, he's a big guy and you're still a little guy. You won't look like that until you're older, son. We can talk about that later." He pouted, going to pout at Bruce about boy things. "Leave Bruce alone," she called. "Get back here, Adrian."
Bruce looked up, then at the kid. "What's happened now?" he asked patiently.
"I not look like Uncle Tony!" he said firmly and loudly. "Him not a guy!"
"Why did you...was Tony naked?"
Darcy came over. "Explosion burned the clothes off and knocked him out." She picked the kid up. "For now, you look like a boy. Tony's a full grown man and they look a bit different. Someday you'll be a big man and you'll look back at this and laugh." She grinned at Bruce. "He ran up the halls screaming in fear." She went back to the lab. Thor came in to chat up Jane for lunch and Adrian made grossed out faces at the kissing but oh well. Darcy cleared her throat at the first grope.
"I don't need to see you and Jane groping, people. We're not sharing each other that way." They went up to their suite for a long lunch. Darcy shook her head with a sigh, getting back to work. She handed him something. "For Bruce please." Adrian nodded, going to give it to him and ask questions about boy things. Darcy went to retrieve him when it took more than a few minutes. "Bruce still has work to do and we can talk about that later," she said patiently. "We can even ask Uncle Xander to help if you want."
"Ask Unclie Clint?" he asked hopefully.
"If he's not busy he can help. Have FRIDAY ask him, Adrian."
"FRIDAY?" he called. "Ask Unclie Clint to talk to us?"
"I've asked him and he agreed he could help that talk later," the AI said. "He's just sparring right now. I've alerted him as to the topic of discussion as well so he can think up what to say."
"Thanks," Darcy said with a grin and a wave at the camera. She looked at her son, who snuggled into her lap. Sometimes he was real unique but she did love him.
***
Clint hung up and sighed. "Guys, Stark's out for the day. He blew himself up again so hard it ate his clothes. The kid got scared when he caught him naked." Natasha laughed, shaking her head. Steve and Bucky both shook their heads with sighs. "He was knocked out, people. He wasn't intentionally naked, unlike Jane and Thor." He shook his head quickly. He'd walked in on them once. It had nearly scared him.
"He's at a good age to wonder about the differences between the genders," Natasha said. "Have fun with that guy talk."
"Probably. He has good questions." They got back to work against the two soldiers. "Last month he asked why the Hulk had pants that didn't rip when he changed."
"Because Stark got tired of Bruce being naked," Natasha said.
"Bruce probably got tired first," Clint shot back.
"Probably. I would."
"Talking about it means we'll probably have a battle where we end up naked afterward," Bucky complained.
"Set off a smoke grenade so we can run for cover," Natasha ordered, giving him a pointed look.
"Gladly. That's easier than carrying around a bathrobe in the jets."
"They do have blankets," Clint offered. "Some of those fold up tiny blankets." That got a nod. "We can add more."
"Please," Natasha said. They all paused when they felt a shake, heard a roar, and that special alarm went off. "Hulk's out." They went to help, finding Adrian calming the Hulk down by patting his hand and chatting to him about pet hamsters. Apparently Bethany had just gotten one and she had told him about them. Darcy was helping Thor, who was unconscious. "What happened?" Natasha demanded.
"Thor startled Bruce," Darcy called. "Bruce turned suddenly, tripped over his stool, and changed. He knocked Thor out when his change blasted the stool at Thor's head. Adrian, be nice to Hulk."
"I am!" He waved a hand at her. "He not a bad boy! He's a good boy and needs good boy things!" He looked up at his idol, who was staring at him. "You do!" He grinned. "We need more booty so you can swims with me."
Hulk patted him gently on the head. "Adrian sweet. Hulk not swim."
"You should learn!" He stomped a foot. "Unclie, teach Hulk to swim!"
"Yeah, he should learn in case he ends up in a lake," Clint said, coming in to pick him up. Adrian leaned over to hug the Hulk around the throat. "That's really nice of you, Adrian. Thank you for helping him calm down."
"He should be calm. He not a bad boy!" He looked at Hulk. "Next time we build blocks to calm down. It helps me and Bethany!" He grinned. "Blocks fun."
"Blocks fun. Hulk could like blocks." He patted him again then slowly changed back. Bruce sighed, looking at them. "Sorry, Thor." Thor moaned. "Let me go meditate." He hugged Adrian before walking off.
Clint cuddled him. "You helped a lot but ask Mommy before going near Hulk. He could be really upset and accidentally step on you without realizing you're down there."
"He not! He's not like that!" He scowled at Clint. "You mean to my friend Hulk."
"I'm not. I'm not trying to be mean to Hulk. We're trying to protect you because you're still really little. I've tripped over you more than once. He could too." He carried him out to Darcy, who got out of the way of the medical team. Jane came jogging up the hall to help get Thor to medical and it was a nice day in the lab after that. Very calm. No one wanted a third incident.
"Ewww! Kissing!" Bethany complained loudly as she came up to play with Adrian. "Gross!"
"Yup," Adrian agreed. "Better than naked though!" They ran off. "We going to get booty from 'chine!"
Darcy looked up and sighed but went to chase the two kids. Maybe she'd work from the apartment today. That helped and Bethany's dad was amused about why when she called to tell him.
***
Darcy's date walked into the restaurant dragging a pull behind large backpack with a smaller one attached to the top. He smiled at Darcy. "Sorry, I was at work and my car broke down. I didn't have time to run home to store this."
"It's happened to all of us before," she promised with a smile. "I had to bring my backpack more than once." She looked under the table. "There's a good spot by the wall there." She helped him maneuver it into place and he sat down with a sigh of pleasure. "Long day?"
"Kind of boring today actually." He grinned. "You're the most exciting thing I'll see today." She grinned back. "So, I'm Tony."
"Darcy." She held out a hand. He started to shake it but she pulled back and stared at his hand. "Um...do you maybe need medical attention?"
He looked at his hand. Blood around his nails. "Shoot. No, one of my coworkers had a bloody nose earlier. I washed but apparently didn't scrub. Let me go do that." He went to clean up his hand.
She blinked a few times. That was a bit more fishy and she was starting to get weird ideas. Half the time guys who brought lots of things to dates had not exactly fun intentions. Someone walked up to the table and she stared up at him. "Rollins," she said quietly, looking around. This was a favorite place for tower employees to eat at. There were probably agents in here, and she did spot one Avengers team member.
He put a small bottle in front of her. "You can tell Tony that he left that at work earlier," he said quietly then grinned.
"So I'm guessing he's not a good guy?"
"He's not one who enjoys what he does." He winked. "How's the kiddo?"
"He's probably babbling at Thor about weapons. They were going to talk about swords tonight. Thank you."
"Welcome." He walked off after a wink and a smirk.
She saw Bucky stiffen and cleared her throat, startling Bucky. "Don't," she ordered quietly. "Yet." She looked at the bottle, turning it to see the label. Bucky was staring at her. Tony came back so she smiled. "Hey. A former almost coworker, one I worked in the building near, said you left this at your last job." She pushed it closer to him. She saw the 'oh shit' look starting. "Now, if that's your *job* I can't really say anything. But I'm having a bit of a minor freakout about that bottle and the luggage because I've been kidnaped before."
"I'm not...wasn't in my plans tonight," he admitted, looking at the bottle. "Who?"
"Jack Rollins."
He blinked a few times. "I'm disappointed in him. No, I wasn't going to be the guy who ties up his date and takes them to torture, Darcy."
"That's great. I need to get home by ten to relieve Jane from watching the kid. She has a video call at ten-thirty with an observatory in Asia so she can't babysit after that."
"You're a mother?"
"Yeah." She smiled and nodded. "My boy's going to be three in a few months." She beamed. "I'm proud of my little hellion. He took an agent hostage the other day because he wants to be a pirate."
The guy didn't show any reaction so he wasn't SHIELD or SWORD because they'd all seen a video of her son being so cutesy. "I don't usually date single mothers," Tony said quietly. "Sorry but that's a bit...freaking me out."
"I totally get that. Do you still want to have dinner together? I won't invite you to escort me for coffee afterwards but we can still have dinner. You've got to have some interesting stories."
"Um, probably not. Sorry but I don't want to....mothers aren't someone I want to be involved with. It'd get messy if something happened." He got up and got his bag. "Sorry. I'll tip the waitress on the way out."
"Okay, that's fine. Thank you for being honest and I hope you have a great day."
"You too. Have a happy kid thing too." He walked off. He noticed Bucky and looked down more quickly.
"Um, do you want this back?" she asked.
"No, it's got your fingerprints on it. I wouldn't want you implicated, Darcy. Thanks though." He hurried faster. Barnes did go after him. Darcy held up the bottle when Bucky walked past, letting him take it. He read it and looked at her oddly. "Date from Tindr."
Bucky sighed. "I'll ask some nicer guys, Darcy." He chased after that guy who tortured others. He had recognized him and he was more dangerous than Rollins.
Darcy ordered a drink, tipping the waitress well. "Sorry, blind date. He brought luggage and apparently left drugs at his last job."
"I'm so sorry, honey," the waitress agreed, making sure she got a good drink. It was all you could do sometimes.
Darcy texted Jane in case someone got her on the way home. Because it was just that sort of night apparently.
Bucky's date came over to slide across from her with her plate. She paid the bill when the waitress came over and added a nice tip. "Thank you," she said.
"Welcome, dear. It's good she's not alone, just in case." She left, bringing back the change, which went to her too. She smiled, going to clean off that other table.
Darcy sipped her daiquiri, staring at the agent. "So, Dr. Simmons."
"Dr. Lewis," she chirped, grinning back. "Who was he?"
"His Tindr said Tony and that's what he introduced himself as. He said the luggage was because his car broke down at work and he didn't have time to drop it at home." She took another drink. "Then Rollins nicely dropped off the bottle of sodium pentothal."
Dr. Jemma Simmons blinked a few times. "Label on the bottle?" Darcy nodded. "No wonder you got Bucky to wait to go after Rollins."
"Yeah. I wasn't sure if the guy wasn't going to try to drug me then and there. Or if he was here for a reason."
"Well, at least you're safe." Darcy grinned and nodded. "How's the son?"
"He's talking to Thor tonight about swords. He still loves pirates and weapons." She grinned, showing her a new video she had taken the other day. Jemma went 'aww' and ate some of her dinner. "Please eat. I know you probably missed at least one meal this week. Even I've gotten into that habit and I'm the one that used to take care of Jane's version."
"It does seem to drift into our lives in the lab." She did dig in. Bucky came back looking upset. "Did you find him?"
"Yeah. May took him." He sat down, smiling at Darcy. "You good?"
"Yeah, he didn't want to date me because I'm a single mom."
He blinked a few times. "That's weirder than being a torture expert?"
"Apparently." She took another drink and smiled again then at Jemma. "He helped talk to my son with Clint the other day when Adrian got scared of how a naked Stark looked." Jemma choked a bit but it was because she was laughing. "Lab explosion no one heard or noticed. He walked in to deliver stuff for us and ran screaming up the halls."
Bucky grinned and nodded. "We had a talk about how things changed as you grew up and no, little girls and moms had the same change as they grew up. He didn't realize that moms were women or had been girls. He took Clint's phone to call Bethany and told her some day she'd be a mom and that was good of her." Darcy grinned. "He's real unique but a fun little guy."
"He is," Darcy agreed. "I love my little guy."
"Rollins...." he asked.
"No idea but he was nice. He winked at me."
Bucky raised an eyebrow. "He flirted?" he hissed.
"Maybe. Been a while since someone has but I think so."
"He was HYDRA."
"I heard but at least he's been nice so far. And he did bust that guy before I got kidnaped again."
"Probably a good idea," Bucky agreed. He looked at Jemma, who waved her phone since she was chewing. "Having his last job checked?"
"Kitchen. Just in case he was going to have her or someone drugged here." She ate another bite. She stared at Darcy while she chewed.
"Oh, no, I ate earlier." She grinned. "I was only going to nibble on fries on the date. You never eat on the first date. If it's good you're talking. If it's bad you don't want anything too heavy in case you have to run from them kidnaping you."
Bucky shook his head. "I've never tried to kidnap anyone on a date."
She patted his hand with a grin. "Yes but they don't make men like you very often anymore, Bucky."
"True. Steve really has to straighten out a lot of them." He sighed, getting some coffee to sip while Jemma finished eating and they went over his arm. Darcy offered an idea about an electrical problem they were going over. Jemma looked then sighed and hit herself on the forehead, nodding and adding that in so it was safer. Also an easier connection setup. Bucky was grinning at that set of ideas. He made sure Jemma got to her car and walked Darcy back to the tower.
Right to her door, where he told Thor about that date since Jane was reading to the kid. Then he went upstairs to flop down with a huff. "Darcy's date turned out to be a torture expert." Natasha and Clint both moaned. "Rollins handed over a drug vial he had left and the guy decided he didn't want to date a single mother anyway." He tossed the bottle at Natasha since she was moaning. "In case you can get any fingerprints off it."
She got up to take it to the lab to look that up. Stark had that capability.
Clint looked over. "He captured?"
"Melinda May was driving by and stopped when she saw me chasing the guy."
"So not a happy night off for her," Clint quipped, getting comfortable. "Lewis good?"
"Very. She had a daiquiri for her date dinner."
"She probably needed one. I'm wondering if drawing that sort is genetic or if it rubbed off from the baby daddy."
Bucky shrugged. "No idea." They shared a look and knew they'd watch over her next few dates, just in case. And maybe find Rollins sooner instead of later. "Rollins winked too."
"Flirting! Yeah, somehow she's drawing bad guys." He shook his head with a sigh. "Great."
"She and Jemma had a nice plot about my arm's problems too."
"She's very good and caring that way," Clint assured him. "She took care of Foster for years."
"She seems like a good mom too. I've really got to get Stevie to teach lectures to modern guys about how to date better."
"Could help." Clint looked over as Natasha came back. "May lose him?"
"No. He's still arrested. Melinda wasn't very amused either." She sat down with a sigh. "She wanted to set Lewis up on better dates too."
"Rollins flirted with her," Bucky said.
"That may be a nicer date than most of hers," Natasha admitted, considering it. "Unless we can set her back up with the baby's father."
"Being with a guy who fights so much is hard," Clint reminded her. "It's why we're single too." She grimaced but nodded. "There needs to be a dating service or app just for agents."
Natasha looked at him. "That's not a horrible idea but we don't know anyone who could make one." She leaned her head back and sighed. "I don't know anyone I could set her up with." The guys grinned at that. "I'll have to meet more people."
They left her to it, going to grab a beer and abuse Tony's pool table.
***
To Be A Baby Daddy Or Not To Be A Baby Daddy, That Is The Question.