Alex sat in front of Tony, frowning at him. "I talked to the vet about getting Caspian a new friend and he was all for it but when I brought Caspian to the pound he freaked out."
"He remembered being there?"
"No idea. The worker wasn't impressed either." He grimaced. "I talked to a few rescues in the area and they hated that he's grieving so hard."
"Some rescues are good and some are there to make money," Tony reminded him. "What about the one you got Caspian from?" He petted the small dog.
"I talked to her first and she's moved to a different center. She remembered Caspian and agreed he'd probably like a friend again. No clue how though."
"Well, talk to other rescues. If you have to, there's ones in Virginia and Maryland that you can daytrip to."
"I've been looking at them. I also put a general note out on my limited facebook posting for the business. I got a few 'why don't you talk to the one that's on tv'."
"There's a rehab show about rehabbing rescues and shelters or there's a few on reality tv. One does a lot of good work."
"I don't think a bigger dog will love the yard that much. I don't have a ton of room to roam."
"You'll probably want something about the same size as the hounds were," Tony agreed with a nod. "Just for cuddling on the couch purposes." He took Caspian to pet since the dog was wiggling. Caspian tried to get down so he grabbed the leash to take him outside to pee on something. Then he brought him back. "He peed."
"That's good for him." He stared at his dog, patting his lap. Caspian decided to cling to Tony instead by hopping into his lap. "Thanks for the walking."
"Welcome. Do we have any open cases?"
"Three. Two are in mediation. One's going nowhere fast and that's the client's fault for not giving me details." That got a nod from Tony. "I'm supposed to meet one later tonight though."
"That'll be good." He looked down. "I've got that divorce case this afternoon. You can't come with me. Judge Martha will not allow dogs, mostly because hers gets panicky about them getting playful together." Caspian curled up to nap so Tony smirked at the pushy thing. "Nice try, Caspian." He petted him anyway. Alex grinned at him for that. "He's very teenage girlish."
"Sometimes." He nodded. "I almost thought about a great dane. They say they're lap dogs."
"They're huge lap dogs. They will back up to sit on your lap but their front paws can still be on the floor. Probably a bit too big, Alex."
"Damn. They're supposed to be great, cuddly dogs."
"The bigger the dog, the less the lifespan," Tony warned.
"Point. I've probably got Caspian for another four years at least. He was seven when I got him."
"So yeah, he's probably got about fifteen years total." He went back to petting the dog after drinking some coffee. "Anything else going on today since you called?"
"I'm *so* bored."
"You could use a hobby or a girlfriend," Tony agreed with a grin. "They're good hobbies too."
"You know I can't flirt. I try and it turns them off for some reason."
"Yeah, I don't understand that. Though it was nice your last one was an agent. Not a good one but an agent. Better than the assassins."
"They were sweet to me. One still emails now and then. We go have fun when she's in town. Caspian really loved the redheaded one. She gave nice ear pets to him. He even let her get to belly petting."
"Awwww. Belinda was still an assassin, Alex."
He shrugged. "She only did ones for good causes."
"Uh-huh." He sipped his coffee again then went back to petting the dog. He looked down at the quiet bark. "Hey," he said, letting that dog sniff his fingers. "Who are you, pup?"
Alex looked then around. "That's Boris' new friend. Hey, Alexsis."
"Alex, Tony," she said with a nod as she walked in to get her dog. "Hey, Caspian." She petted his ears. "I heard about Duke and Devil, Alex. I'm sorry you lost them."
"Thanks." He smiled a bit. "Caspian's had a lot of anxiety so he's becoming a law dog."
She nodded. "Boris has too. That's why I got him the friend." She let Alex pet his ears after getting sniffed. The dog hopped into Alex's lap and sniffed Caspian, who blinked at him before standing up to sniff back. They decided they could be friends. "Awww." She took her dog back. "Have fun, guys. Nice to see you again, Caspian." She petted him again before going to get her own coffee and then go to her new job.
"It was nice you were good to the young one, Caspian," Alex said, petting his head. "Good boy." Caspian looked up at Tony, who smiled and petted him. "I wonder if he'll do okay with a new pack member."
"He'd love a pack member. Even if you suddenly got handed a kid, he'd probably enjoy the new pack. Keeshonds are pack animals."
"True. Maybe not a hound this time."
Tony nodded. "There's a lot of dogs who could use some love. You definitely could use another pack member too."
"True. How's Gibbs?"
"Growling. His arm's in a sling since he checked himself out, went home, and fell down his basement stairs. Broke his shoulderblade." Alex shook his head with a sigh. "Yeah. He's growling a lot."
"Maybe he could use a cat?"
"Cats? I'm not sure. Could you do a cat with him?"
"I have no clue," he admitted. "I know nothing about cats." He took his dog back, staring at him. "If you can quit panicking, we can go look at other dogs we might want to bring home for you to have someone to cuddle up to again. Can you do that? Please? I'd like it if you quit getting so neurotic and panicky."
Caspian licked him so he put him back into the chest carrier, getting a grin from Tony. "I'm going to the shelter up the street. They seem okay. Very League of Super Pets, but seem okay." He got himself a coffee to go then went up the street with it, talking to Caspian. Who freaked out. "Hey! We're going in there to adopt, not drop you off! Stop it!"
He calmed him down by staring at him. "Really, behave." Caspian calmed himself down. "I'm not letting you go and if I die, you go to Tony, who you adore anyway. So calm the hell down, Caspian." The dog whined but did calm down. "Thank you. Much better good boy."
He put him back into the carrier and petted him as they walked in. The shelter worker had seen that. "We just lost his two packmates. We originally adopted him because the two hounds were very co-dependant. This is Prince Caspian. We got him from a shelter on the east side of the city."
"He seems sweet." She let him sniff her hand then petted him. "Is he sick?"
"He's grieving a lot. We have to give him valium if I leave him at the house by himself. I'm not sure if he'll bond to one but the vet agreed it could help him. He's good with other pets." He looked around. "You don't have any evil genius pets, right?"
"No." She smiled. "I saw that movie. We do not have an evil genius naked guinea pig." Alex grinned at her for that. "What did you have before?"
"Two hounds. Their former human was the owner of my former house's ex-husband. She moved without telling him. So he broke in to try to move back with them. I let the dogs stay and told him he had three days when I got him for breaking and entering. He never came back so I inherited Duke and Devil." He showed her pictures. She smiled at that, touching one. "They were my first dogs. Duke had seizures for his last six weeks and Devil had a heart attack."
"I'm sorry for their loss."
"Me too. I was so worried they'd follow the first one who passed so we got Caspian."
"That makes good sense. Gives them more friends." She led him around. Caspian got put down on a leash to walk with them. He sniffed at a few but ignored them after that. "I know, she's got a cold," she told the dog. "But she's a really nice dog. Not at all fluffy like you are."
Alex stared. "What's that?" He pointed.
She looked. "That's a Dwelf. It's a hairless breed of cat who're bred to have dwarfism for short legs. But he was born taller than the owner wanted." She let him pet the cat. Caspian sniffed and sat down, looking confused. The cat hissed a bit but calmed down at the petting. "He doesn't seem to mind cats."
"No. He's licked a few strays that got into the dog park we like."
"Do you own or rent?"
"I own. I have a semi-decent yard that still has holes from Duke digging them. I never got around to filling them in on him and putting in sod because he would've dug it back up."
"Dogs can do that." She smiled, putting the cat back on the cat tree. Caspian barked frantically. "I think he wants a cat?"
"He may want a cat." He picked Caspian up to let him investigate her more. She appreciated his furriness. "Is that who you want as a new packmate? I know nothing about cats, Caspian. We'll have to learn."
"Cats can be stand-offish sometimes but they don't need a lot of work outside the cleaning of the litterbox. She's pretty smart."
"Caspian was the brains of my trio. He used to get up on the counter to grab the treat bag for them all the time." Caspian stared at him. "They're in the car. You can have one when we go back to it." Caspian went back to investigating the cat. "Maybe he does want a cat friend." He shrugged. "I have no idea about eighty percent of the time."
She smiled at that, nodding some. "It's often like that. If they could talk to explain things that'd be nice. We can see if he still wants her after seeing a few more possible friends."
"Okay." He took Caspian. "You can have her back later." Caspian got put back down and was walked off to look at the other pets. He found one and whined at him until he uncurled. "Awww, you're scared, little one. I'm not mean." He let the dog sniff him. That one came over to lick his hand, looking hopeful. He looked at Caspian. "Do you want to go home with him?" He looked up. "Is he fixed?"
"He is. He's very shy. Do you have a lot of visitors?"
"I have a law office out of the study but not really. Only Tony usually, who I kinda work with." He let the dog come out to sit near them. "Hey." He patted his lap and the dog crawled into it, letting him pet him. "Caspian, do we like him?"
Caspian sniffed then sneezed and forced his way into the lap too. The first dog got upset but Alex petted him again so he calmed down. "He seems to enjoy you."
"He does." He stared at him. "Well? Caspian? Are we bringing him home?" Caspian sniffed the dog again then sighed and laid down. "Are you sure? We can make him our packmate if you want." He petted them both. Caspian got a bit jealous but let the new dog be petted. "I guess he likes him."
"Excellent." She went to get the paperwork for him to go over with her. They'd have to check the home, do a visit with the dog. Of course, on the way out, Caspian tried to steal a cat. She giggled at that, pointing at where Caspian was trying to lift the dwelf. "Well?" she asked him.
"I.... Don't see a problem I guess. Will the other dog like her?"
"They get along pretty well. She'll curl up with any dog that's fluffy to keep warm. She really needs some clothes when it gets cold."
Alex nodded. "I guess we can do that. It's a different trio so maybe he'll be happier."
"If not, we'll allow them to come back." He nodded, paying the fee for the cat too. "I can bring them over this afternoon."
"Thanks." He grinned, taking Caspian with him, without the cat. "We need to go home," he told him. "Where the treats are. That way you can see if the cat will like the house, Caspian." Caspian struggled. "You can have her. I promise you can have her. They need to bring her over later. So calm down." He put them in the car and put Caspian in the dog carrier that was hitched in. He got him a treat and then drove them off. "You're very picky, dog."
Caspian started to howl for his missing friend. When they got home, he went running around then came back to bark at his human until he brought him that cat. Alex stared at him, enduring it. When the worker got there that afternoon he carried the cat off to sit with her in the study. The doggy social worker laughed at that and let the other dog out.
That one went to sniff around the house, finding the duo in the study. He curled up near them. The cat huffed and went to curl up on top of him. Caspian followed his naked little friend. It worked well for them he guessed. The social worker was pleased and let Alex have them but promised she'd do a visit in a day to check on them.
Alex decided he had to go to the pet store. He knew nothing about cats. Or what they'd need.
***
Alex brought the new trio to his vet, shaking his head at the smile from his vet. "Caspian decided to shoplift a cat."
"I see the naked cat." He stared at her. "Is she supposed to be that height?"
"She's dwelf?"
"Oh, one of those crossbreeds that bred for a defect," the vet said with a nod. "Dwarfism in animals is a defect but some people think they're adorable. They're designer breeds."
"I'm not usually a label hunter but Caspian literally tried to steal her. The other dog we liked but he's a bit scared. Still. Caspian and he get along but the cat's playing peacekeeper I think."
"Sometimes they will. Do they fight?"
"No. Caspian kinda...ignores him maybe? He's a bit jealous of lap time but if she curls up with him he will."
"They'll get used to each other." He checked the dwelf over first. "What's her name?"
"I haven't decided yet. For either of them."
He nodded. "We'll figure that out soon." He frowned. "She's got a small heart defect. A murmur. Not too bad. Something to pay attention to. Nothing that should shorten her life at this stage."
"Any idea how old she is?"
"She's an adult but I have no idea." He grimaced. "Her teeth are in good shape so I'd say not too old." Alex nodded at that. He pulled over the other dog to pet and check over. Caspian did come over to get his own attention. "I need to check this one over, Caspian, then I'll look at you. Jealous dog. Pet your cat." He petted the cat and Caspian went to bathe her, getting a dirty look from the cat. He smiled at Alex, who shrugged. "They'll work that out slowly. Sometimes dogs are mean to each other but they seem to be okay. Caspian's just jealous. Has it helped his grief?"
"He let me leave them home together to rest while I went grocery shopping. Caspian got up to patrol the house once but then went to curl back up with his naked friend there. The other one didn't even wake up."
"He may be a very clingy dog. Or this one may." He checked him over. "You're a bit older, dog. You're fully probably at least seven." Alex nodded at that. "He's in decent health. Could use a few pounds."
"He got regular food from Caspian's stash last night."
"That's fine. Did he try to eat the cat's food?"
"My food hog there did. I had to drive him off. She's found a cabinet she likes to hide on top of when Caspian gets too clingy."
"That's a cat thing," the vet assured him with a smile. He finished his check and looked at the shot record. "He's only missing one I'd suggest but it's usually a puppy shot."
"Did Caspian get it?"
"We can give it now." Alex nodded so he did that and chipped them both. "Are you letting the cat run free?"
"No. I wouldn't do that with the dogs, I wouldn't do it with a cat. Domesticated means they live in a building you provide."
"They do," the vet said, smiling at that. "It's a good thing, especially in a city."
"I don't think I could do country. I'm used to towns and cities."
"That's fine, Alex." He petted Caspian and checked him over, making him smug. "Behave, Caspian. It's okay if your human pets the other dog. He needs loved." The dog settled down while his human petted the other dog and the vet got him. "Are you planning any other animals?"
"Caspian tried to bring home a bunny he found somewhere but I think it was meant to be a playtoy. I had to save it from him at the dog park. The other dog sat beside me and wouldn't even try to play, even when I threw a stick. He will in the yard."
"Some dogs are shy. He may have had a few bad experiences."
"I figured he was. Or there for a long time."
"That's also possible." He looked at them. "Was it a good shelter?"
"It reminded me of the one on League of Super Pets."
"Oh, that one." He nodded. "That's a good enough place." He petted Caspian again. "His valium?"
"I haven't given him any in a week but I do have court, so a longer time out of the house, in a few days. That night was the night we got the new pets and he did calm down and let everyone sleep around him."
"So we can probably cut it down to a half-pill?"
"I usually try a half pill first and then a second half if he needs it."
"That's fine, Alex. It's smart." He looked at the dog. "I think you can make it very rare and only for the worst moments." Alex nodded at that. "So maybe it'll help. You have cameras inside the house?" Alex grinned and nodded. "Good, then you can check on him now and then that day?"
"The judge is used to that. The other one has a kid he checks on constantly."
"I know that happens." He let Caspian go, watching him go cuddle the poor cat. The other dog curled up near them until the cat moved to lay between them, making Caspian cuddle him. "I can see what you mean. They should be fine. Even if she's not home, at the worst Caspian would probably just ignore him for a bit. That one will get used to it soon enough." Alex nodded, grinning again. "They'll learn to get along."
"As long as it won't turn into attacking."
"It shouldn't."
"Good. I was worried. Caspian's a bit...tough sometimes."
"He's your dog. Dogs will become more like their owners." He smirked. Alex grinned back. "Okay. Get the cat some clothes. She'll need it if it's below sixty."
"I've got a few shirts. Will she need that many?"
"You'll need to bathe her once a week. Without fur, her skin oils won't be dissipated. So warm, shallow sink of water once a week. Use a washcloth to clean her ears and around her face. You won't be able to do it with just water and soap. Just wipe those off, don't use soap." Alex nodded, making himself a note. "I doubt your cat's going to ever be the one that has a whole closet of clothes but enough to probably change at least every-other-day. Just for hygiene reasons. The pet store probably can tell you where you can get her some. Name them soon so you can get them used to it." Alex nodded at that. "Got any ideas so I can put it on their files?"
"She'll be Selena."
He smiled. "After Cat Woman?" Alex grinned and nodded. "Him?"
"I don't know yet." The dog got petted. "We'll figure it out or you'll be called Santa." The vet laughed at that, making a note about a possible name. "Any other things?"
"Her food should be more meat than not. Cats need more meat than dogs. He hasn't shown a problem with food?"
"He ate. A lot."
"You can probably feed him a bit more than what you feed Caspian. Who is getting a bit chunky again." He gave him a pointed look. Alex shrugged at that. "Also, watch out for dogs and litter boxes. Some dogs will eat cat turds and clumping litter isn't good for their systems."
"Her litter box is in a bathroom that I never use."
"That's a good thing. Easily cleaned up when she kicks the litter out covering things up." He petted them again. "You're good for today." Alex smiled, putting everyone back into the carrier. He smiled as they paid and left to go home. Where Alex had to call about the break in and his security system not going off. Someone had thrown some paint in his study so he had to clean paint off his woodwork. With a lot of swearing.
***
Tony came over that night, staring at the new piece of furniture. He blinked a few times. "Did Caspian need a cat tree?"
"No, Selena needed a cat tree to keep her off the counters when she wants on top of the cabinets," Alex called. "I'm still scrubbing paint off."
"Okay. Who's Selena?" Caspian barked so he looked. "Oh. It's one of those aliens. Okay." He went into the study with the stuff Alex had asked him to pick up. "Wanted this?"
"Please." He took the spirits to coat the rag and go back to scrubbing. "Caspian tried to shoplift Selena. The other dog I'm not sure about yet but she's friendly with them both and Caspian likes to ignore him. She'll snuggle him and Caspian will follow."
"Interesting." He rolled up his sleeves to help him.
"Thanks." They shared a grin. "Break in. The security company didn't alert me but did alert the cops. Your divorce case."
"Figures. Him or her?"
"Her."
"So my client. I'll have a talk with her after I bill her for the hours we'll spend cleaning." Alex grinned and nodded. "No, doggy, not around that. It'll hurt you," Tony told the new one. "Maybe name him Bruce?"
"He's really shy."
"Hmm. I'd probably go with Bogart. He seems like the quietly competent sort."
"He does." He nodded, going back to scrubbing. "Wasn't he an actor?"
"Yeah. It doesn't go with your fandom names theme."
"I'm not against that. Like that, Bogart? I said if I couldn't find one I'll call him Santa."
Tony looked then nodded. "Santa may work too. He seems to like it."
"Okay, so Santa it is. Lots of those cute holiday movies have Santa in them."
"They do. Rankin-Bass was great." They finished the cleaning around midnight and made sure all the chemicals were cleaned up and put away properly. Then Alex had to give Selena her first bath. She didn't *mind* but she did glare at him for it. Tony tested the water. "May be a bit too cool. Think slightly more than body temp next time." He watched him carefully wipe her face and ears off then do her back. "That's so weird."
"Without fur they said her skin oils just sit there. Until Caspian gives her another bath."
"That's probably cute." He got a towel for him and held her while Alex rinsed out the sink. She got patted dry then put into a kitty shirt that said 'cat' on it in sparkles. She got put onto the cat tree. She curled up and got comfy. Caspian came over to bark so she huffed but went to lay with him and his fluffy warmth. Tony grinned. Santa moved closer so she lounged on his back and let Caspian have her front to cover her in floof.
"That's very cute," Tony decided, taking pictures. He settled in to get to know Santa better. The cat lifted her head to stare at him so he petted her ears. "You're very soft. Softer than I thought aliens were." Santa laid his head back down so he went back to petting him. He liked that.
Alex turned on a movie and they settled in to watch the newest Star Wars animated movie. Santa ended up in his lap. Caspian didn't get jealous. He got the cat into Alex's lap to cuddle him. Alex had to shift to give Selena more room but that was fine. Tony fell asleep there with Santa laying on him and it was nice. He had missed someone cuddling him and snoring on him. Alex was on the other end of the large couch so they each got cuddled with furry things. And a naked cat.
In the morning, Tony decided Santa should be his dog instead. That way he wouldn't get ignored. Alex pouted but was happy for him. It was nice to have a reason to go home. Even a fluffy one that was named Santa.
***
Caspian and Selena were getting along famously, even when someone tried to break into the house. Which made Caspian go for their faces with his teeth. He scored too. And on an officer that came to help stop the screaming going on. Alex got there to pull his dog off him and stared at the one breaking in. "You knew not to get near my house or my dog," he told him. "Caspian's very protective of me and Selena."
"Girlfriend?" the officer wiping off the dog drool asked. Alex pointed at the cat hissing from on top of a cabinet. "Oh, cat." He stared. "One of those hairless ones?"
"She's called a dwelf and yeah, Caspian adopted her for us." He petted his dog to calm him down. "What was this one going to do? And who sent him so I can go take my displeasure out on them?" The officer blinked at him. He grinned. "I'm Alex Harris, Officer."
"I've heard about you defending a daycare the other day," he said, eyes wide.
"They should have been sacrifices to our greatness!" the demon protested. Alex kicked him in the face for that. "Hey!" He struggled so Alex kicked him again, knocking him out.
"No, I don't like sacrificial victims. It makes me mad." He looked at the officer. "I wish you luck with him. His sort do eat live flesh. Not human but living fish and seafood."
"You know the demonic community?"
"I'm the guy who fights the government regulations so they can own businesses." Alex smiled. "And some limited defense cases."
"Wow," the officer said then nodded. "Okay. Thank you, Mr. Harris. Your dog stopped him at the doorway apparently."
Alex went to look then came back. "Yeah, he only broke in the door before Caspian went for his face."
"You should train him not to attack officers."
"The last time we were broken in on, the guy was wearing a uniform. Caspian castrated that one. Fully ripped it all off while they screamed. He's very protective of his pack." He grinned, petting his dog. "Prince Caspian is very helpful at times." He put him down.
"Go play with Selena and check her." Caspian stared up at his cat friend, barking until she huffed and jumped down to nudge him as she walked past him on her way to the litter box. He followed and then they went to nap on her cat tree in the sun again. Alex grinned at the officer. "He shoplifted her from a shelter."
"Ah." He nodded.
"He was named Prince by the shelter that took him in. I named him well. He lives up to his name."
"I'm sure he does." He nodded at that, getting that victim up to take to his car and arrest him. Harris wouldn't let the dog get either of them again. Harris went back to talking to his neighbors up the street about something they were getting loud about. The shift supervisor was going to be very amused about that fluffy little dog being that tough. Though he did look up who Prince Caspian was to see if the name fit. Apparently...it did.
***
Alex walked into the community's meeting that night, putting down a few forms. "He actually tried to get me to do his preliminary hearing after breaking into my house because I saved that daycare." They all winced. He stared around then at them. "Also, I saw someone tried to auction off my dog, which is still at home safely. Like. Fucking. Hell."
He stared at that one, making them shrink down. "Don't you owe me cats?" That one whined. "Pay me tonight. I've had enough of the fucking with me again. I can go do profitable things instead." He stared at another demon, who winced.
"Also, all outstanding bills will be turned over to collections if they're past due. Outside of two that I know can't pay yet and they were more important cases to me. I'll send a list if there's any questions." He walked off again. "Quit trying to fuck with me and my wood shelves, people. You don't want me to repay that favor."
"No, we do not," one of the Council for the City noted. "Sorry, Harris." He looked at the same people. "Stop it before he quits defending us." They all shrank down. He looked at those papers, handing them to another counselor. "Put that before the defense team?"
"I can do that but they won't want to do that since he's clearly guilty." He looked at the forms. "And injured. Apparently Caspian bit him a few times."
"It's a good guard for him," another agreed, taking the forms to look at. "They refused to represent him a few months back when he was sicced on another human's house. Maybe he should let the dog eat him."
"Has any seen this new cat of his?" the first counselor asked. "It has no fur."
"That is weird but some have been bred for that," the female one said. "Selena is apparently very cute. She has to wear clothes because she'll get cold."
"Ah." He nodded. "The ones who eat cats would hate that. They like furred ones. They say it makes it taste better."
"Hmm." She shrugged. "Humans think them cute. His is also shorter than normal so many consider those cute as well."
"Cute and short?" one of the listening ones snorted. "Not one we would accept at a table."
"Which Harris would never offer," the head counselor said happily. "He would steal all the pets from the tables." That got a few nods. They got back to the things they had to talk about tonight before Harris interrupted them. They were interrupted by one of the local defenders showing up smoking. "Did you get hit with holy water?"
"No, Senior. I am burning off the things they sprayed on me to try to get humans into the egg repository. The eggs are safe, we need more guards tonight. Harris is not answering his phone."
"He was just here so he's probably driving," the female counselor said. "Are they all safe?"
"None got past us."
"I will call up our guards to aid you." She went to do that and came back. "They're with a group in Alexandria." She grimaced. "I will find a way to find Harris."
"Please. We had a few injuries."
"Why were the humans invading?"
"We are not sure why the mob was invading." They all stared at him. "They were."
"Call DiNozzo, have him get someone to handle that. They're often criminals from what you see in the movies."
"I can do that on my way back." He handed over the pictures he had. "Of the ones we had to take out."
"Give those to DiNozzo too." He nodded, taking them back once they had looked at them to go back to his spot.
Tony showed up there to get the pictures and talk to someone in the local police. Alex showed up a few hours later with coffee and food for them and a gun for himself. That let them have a break to rest for a few hours. When the humans tried again, Alex got something out of his car and came back, setting up the field gun.
An older one but a powerful weapon from the second world war that bullets were fed into and through at a fast rate. A few laughed but they hated being injured. The rest tried to flee but officers were showing up to the shots fired calls. The council showed up to talk to them too. They were amused at Harris' weapons stash.
Alex smiled at the staring officer. "Sometimes you gotta have a bigger gun than an idiot." He shrugged. "It's not illegal to own."
"No, probably not since the last century, when it was in military use. Restored?"
Alex smiled and nodded. "Yes, it was. I got it at auction from the restorer."
"Ah." The officer nodded. "It's a bit loud and people will worry."
"Then make the mob quit trying to grab the eggs here for whatever reason they have today." He grinned again. "The one that tried the backdoor got eaten and then regurged probably if you wanted that mess."
"I don't but we can have someone clean that up for you. What is this building?"
"Egg nursery."
"Oh." He nodded. "Okay. Let us..." He looked at the mess. "We'll clean up the mess and make sure they can't do this again. We'll encourage them to make a treaty." He walked off to make a few calls from his radio while he zip tied people to arrest them. The regurgitated mess, he was not touching. Not his department. The ME's people were grossed out but that was their job. "It's an egg nursery," he told that team. "For some reason they wanted in there."
"We're all protective of kids," the ME said as he came over. "Well, that's nicer than I thought it might be. It's not sludge, just chewed up." The others groaned at that. "Get a shovel from the truck." They did that for him. "Any other bodies?"
"One. He died from the gunshot wounds. Some guy up front has a world war two field machine gun, complete with stand."
The ME moaned but nodded. "Sweet of him." He went to gather that body as well. He paused at the gun. "My father used one of those in Vietnam," he told the young man.
Alex smiled at him. "I found it at auction from the restoration guy."
"It's sweet, sir."
"Thank you. It's a nice baby," he said, patting it. "And useful during an all out assault."
"I can see that." He gathered the other body and his assistants came to grab the bag with the body to carry it to the truck.
Alex sipped his coffee, grinning at the staring guards. "What?"
"At least it's not something higher," one said with a smile and a nod.
"True. I haven't had to use an artifact or a higher weapon yet." They just smiled at that. Harris was just like that; both of them were. Xander may have caused more damage, he was less subtle.
***
Tony looked at the arraignment judge the next morning. "Sir, I am not able to defend this being, as I have noted to him and others. Even though the court has assigned it. He allegedly broke into a friend's house to kill him and despoil his woodwork. I cannot defend him ethically."
The judge stared at him. "Can you stand there and let him lie about his plea, DiNozzo?"
"I can but it may be counted against him or me later, Your Honor."
"That's fine. He can get another lawyer later. For right now, let's not delay the inevitable. Does he have a plea?"
"I am never guilty," the demon said.
"Uh-huh. Remanded into custody without bail," the judge told him. "Does he have a species sheet?"
Tony grimaced. "I do not have one for him, Your Honor. Sorry. I know he eats raw seafood."
"They can look it up in the manual then." They led him off and Tony settled in to wait on his actual client to show up. He was in a few arraignments. "All right, Mr. DiNozzo, let's get on with this one."
"Sir, my actual client is not a prostitute. She's a priestess for a sect that does need sex to survive. She was hoping for that, not trying to solicit attention for money."
The judge blinked. "Species sheet?" Tony handed that over. "Oh, I see that." He frowned. "So she was at her temple?"
"No, she was out and about, Your Honor. They don't really have a temple that I'm aware of. You'd have to ask someone like Alex Harris that. He's busy right now defending an egg nursery from the mob."
The judge blinked a few times. "Wow." He nodded. "I wish him luck."
"He pulled out a world war two field machine gun, Your Honor." He smiled. "He got really upset. I had to feed his dog and cat this morning."
The judge shuddered but nodded. "Yes, I wish him much luck with that." He looked at the prosecutor's table. "Do you have anything stating she was definitely soliciting attention?"
"She did ask for money."
"Temples take donations," Tony quipped. "Just like churches do. Even if not, you can't criminalize her for seeking something her species needs to exist. You can't punish people for eating steaks, you can't criminalize her for eating energy."
"There's got to be a line somewhere," the prosecutor said dryly.
"Still, Your Honor. Even if she did ask for a donation and then sex, that doesn't mean she was prostituting herself any more than anyone who sells food for money is."
The judge sighed. "Does she want to make a plea bargain for a fine or would she rather go to trial?"
Tony looked at his client, hissing in her ear. She nodded. "We do not consider that prostitution but if it would ease things I could plea for a minor inconvenience fee."
Tony looked at the other side. Who just nodded. "Standard fine is fifteen hundred," the prosecutor said.
Tony snorted. "You gave one two hundred earlier."
"I did," he admitted. "She was broke. She had a bad night." He stared at him. "Five hundred. Only noted, not going on her record." The woman huffed but nodded. "Good. Your Honor?"
"That works. That's something to bring up for rule inclusion really. Have fun with Judge Mathias." He banged his gavel. "Pay the fine within thirty days." She nodded and they took her to be checked out so she could pay her fine. Her temple could cover it. The judge shook his head. He really did wish them well over that rule exemption.
***
Tony let McGee into Alex's house, nodding at him. "He's at court. He'll be back in an hour if you need Alex."
"I was checking on you. Your name got noted at an assault?"
"I helped the defense team when the mob tried to raid an egg nursery. Got some officers alerted." He looked up at the cat. "I'm not feeding you up there, Selena. You have to come down. McGee's not scary and he won't sneeze on you." She stretched but did come down when he poured food out for her. Caspian barked happily as his bowl was filled.
McGee looked at the hairless cat. "I've seen pictures of those."
"She's a dwelf, a dwarf one bred for that." He looked at him. "Caspian tried to shoplift her when Alex went to get him a new friend, which became my dog Santa."
McGee grinned. "Alex named it?"
"Yeah." He nodded. "But it's nice having something there to curl up around on the couch."
"Do the girlfriends like it?"
"Some. Santa hates them though. Won't let a single one pet him. I'm betting his last owner had been a female." He looked at the cat brushing against him. "Thanks, Selena." McGee snickered then nodded. "Yeah. She's Alex's first cat."
"She seems pretty easy to take care of."
"Weekly baths." Alex walked in and gave him an odd look. "He was checking why I was noted at an assault."
"Ah." He nodded at McGee. "Mathias is going nuts. He wanted the case today to change business models so they were a brothel instead of a temple."
"I remember defending a priestess."
"Not that one. The naked vegan one."
"Oh." He nodded. "Why?"
"Someone was horrified they were naked and had no external sexual organs. Told the guy in for Christopher that if they changed into a brothel they'd get less hell from them."
"You'd think it'd be more," Tony said, considering that. "But hey..." He shrugged. "It'd earn them money?"
"Yup." He looked at McGee. Then at Tony again. "I'll let you two catch up. How's Santa?"
"He's good. At dog daycare for some playtime." Alex grinned, going to his office. Caspian stared at McGee then followed his human. "Caspian's very protective."
"I've heard that." He petted the cat that came to stare at him. "I'm not mean, Selena." She hopped up onto her cat tree so she could get on top of the cabinet again. "It's nice she's not on the counter."
"He had a can of compressed air when she tried. Then he put up the cat tree for her." He checked it, getting some paper towels to clean up her dried up cat regurg. "Must you really throw up food?" he asked her.
"At least it's not in a shoe," McGee quipped.
"Most of the time they can't get into the closet. Alex learned to leave it closed to save the dog fur cleaning. The two hounds shed greatly but hated to be brushed." He shrugged and went to start on dinner if he could find something to eat. He frowned at the fridge.
"So, are you two moving in together soon?" McGee asked.
"No. We're just friends, McGee." He looked at him oddly. "Why would you think we're dating?"
"You're making dinner for you two."
"We have a case to go over and I cook better than Alex does. It's easier than ordering."
"I guess. Let us know if you need housewarming presents." He left to tell Abby and Ziva. Though he had to pull up a picture of what a dwelf was for Ziva. She got a bit freaked out at the naked, short cat.
Tony went to talk to Alex. "My former coworker thought we're dating since I was going to make dinner if you had food. Which you don't."
Alex grimaced. "I haven't been recently. I haven't had time." They shared a look. "Do a grocery order?"
"How's your trust looking this year?"
"Not bad. I'm on target. I could use more to put into it, but that happens sometimes. I warned the community council I'm going to have to send some bills to collections if they don't start paying. Outside the two domestic abuse cases and probably the name change one." He sent one of the council an email to let him know and added another case to the 'I know they can't pay yet' list. "That way he can reassure those ones." He looked at the begging dog then at Tony. "Do I have treats?"
"I haven't seen any. Any in your bag?"
Alex pulled it over to look, tossing Caspian one from in there. "I'm out. So yeah, groceries and pet store."
Tony grinned, leaning in the doorway. "I can run to get Santa so we can do that together."
"Okay. Let's do that. Maybe we'll pick up dinner on the way home?"
"Maybe we can pick up groceries on the way home. It's better for you and cheaper, Alex." He walked off, going to grab his dog then meet Alex at the pet store. He got there first. Alex pulled in a few minutes later so he knew that Caspian was being fussy. He got out with Santa, putting him into the back of a cart. Santa barked happily, his tail wagging. Alex had Caspian in the carrier again. "He fussy?" Tony joked.
"Yes!" he sighed. "He almost insisted we bring the cat too. I promised we'd get her treats and catnip toys." He petted his dog on the head. "It's good he loves his cat."
"It is." They walked in together and the lady on the door smiled at them. "They're fussy pets."
"Many are," she said, petting them both. "They're cute dogs, sirs. They must love your household."
"No, we're just friends," Tony said. She blushed but grinned. "Not the first to say that though." They went to the dog toy section, finding a few new things. Which Santa hated and Caspian didn't want to play with. So Alex got the toys for the cat first. That made Caspian happier once he added a treat from the special bin.
A few bags of treats. A bag of food for each pet. Some wet food for the cat. Tony got his own dog food and they got them new treats from the special bin as they checked out. Both dogs were nicely patient today for the treats. Santa really loved their treats with the dog-safe frosting.
Caspian started to howl so Alex looked at him. "What?" Caspian wiggled so he let him down and followed where he wanted to go, picking him up so he could stare in the cat cage. "We've already given you a cat to adore, Caspian. Do you really need a second? And will Selena like that?" The worker in that area snickered.
"I went to get him a new friend, who ended up with my buddy over there, and he nearly shoplifted a dwelf cat. Now there's this one?" He stared at the cat. "Really, Caspian?" Caspian wiggled over to lick a cat then stared at him. Alex sighed, staring at him. "Will Selena like that?"
It was a long haired blonde cat with black and white spots. Tony strolled over with the bags in his cart. Alex had gotten in line first so had already paid. Santa came over to sniff, making the cat give him an odd look then at the other dog that was sniffing her.
"I think he's determined, sir."
"I think he's a bit pushy," he sighed. He let the cat sniff him and petted her ears, making her purr happily. "At least Selena will be smothered with fur to stay warm." Tony snickered at that. "She will." He looked at Caspian, who was happily nosing the cat. "Wow." He sighed again, looking at the worker, who got the paperwork for her. "Fixed?"
"Yes. Already fixed. From a nearby shelter."
"I guess. We'll probably name her Harley Quinn since our hairless cat is named Selena." Tony nodded, patting him on the back. "I guess." He filled it out and let her box up the cat. "If our other cat hates her?"
"You have thirty days," she assured him.
"Okay."
"If not, Santa seems to like her," Tony said, looking at his dog oddly. "We do not need a cat too, Santa." The worker smiled at him for that. "He adopted Santa but I stole him." Thankfully Santa only wanted more toys.
"I get mine this food," Alex said, showing her the bag. "Will she need something else?"
"That should be fine," the worker assured him. "Ask your vet if she has problems with it."
"Okay. Thanks." He took the box of cat to the car so they could load up and go home. Tony came home with him, after pausing at the grocery store. Alex had Santa so he didn't have to wait in the car and chew on the seats again. Alex walked in with the dogs. "Selena, Caspian got you a furry friend." He put down the box and opened it, then pointed for the cat coming down.
Harley stuck her head up and meowed. Selena meowed back, coming over to sniff her. She hissed. "Hey! Be nicer to Caspian's other cat. And Santa." He went to get the bags and came back with them, tossing some catnip on the floor for them and then threw some toys around. The cats enjoyed that. Selena hissed a bit but let it go since Harley laid on top of her to smother her in floof.
Santa came over to lap at both cats then went to lay on the couch. That's what he did all night at home. Caspian laid down next to the cats to cuddle them. It was cute enough for a picture. Selena meowed so Harley nuzzled her and went back to lounging on her. She got cat-huffed at but it happened sometimes.
Finally Selena got free and hopped up onto her cat tree to go onto the cabinets. Harley tried the counter and got air sprayed. That made her go to the cat tree to get away from it and hiss at him. He shrugged. "Yay. No being on the counter. Use the tree." He patted a level, letting her get up there then join Selena on the cabinets.
Caspian hopped up until he got to his usual spot and laid there to look outside. "We are not getting a third cat to make a trio of Sirens, Caspian. Really, we're not." He put down the second bowl of food for her and went to get a drink and sit to watch some tv with the other dog. "I think I'm becoming a hoarder," he told Santa. "I really do." Santa just panted and accepted petting. Not a lot of help there.
That night, Harley decided to lay on his face to choke him with her floof. He tucked her under his arm and curled around her instead. She didn't like that and decided to sleep on his side. It meant it was hard for him to move all night but she was clearly comfortable. And cuddly. Caspian came in to nap on the other pillow. Selena hid under the blankets on Caspian's side of the bed like usual. So everyone but him got comfortable. Santa was sleeping on his human like the lounging dog he was.
Tony was nice enough to take a picture when he got up first the next morning. It was goofy but it was very Alex.
***
Alex sighed as his vet walked into the exam room. "Caspian," he explained at the amused look. "He demanded from the pet store." He slumped, shaking his head. "At least Tony has Santa."
"I've seen Santa since then." He looked at the cat. "You're very fluffy."
"She likes being spoiled by brushing, but she hissed at Selena getting a bath. She's very cuddly. She keeps trying to kill me with her floof. I'm a bit worried he's going to want a third cat I'll have to name Ivy."
The vet snickered. "I saw that movie." He looked her over, nodding. "Not bad. I can add a dewormer just in case."
"Please if you think she needs it." He waved a hand with a sigh. "I think Caspian has a hoarding problem. He wouldn't even look at the new toys until we got some for Selena. We were checking out when he started to get demanding to go look at the cats and picked her."
"She looks good and the pet store you use does go through a nice shelter." He smiled. "If there's a third, that's not that unusual. Maybe it'll be short haired so less brushing."
"At least Santa doesn't try to shoplift cats." He petted her. "But I don't mind," he told the cat. "You're a nice enough cat, Harley. You really are. Even if you are homicidal." She purred at that and let the vet do what he wanted to do until he chipped her, then she hissed and swatted.
"Hey, be nicer. It has to be done in case Caspian lets you out." He petted her again to calm her down, picking her up to cuddle. She calmed down and hid her head in his shirt. The vet was smiling. "At least I'm learning a lot about cats."
"You're not doing bad." He smiled and closed the folder. "She's good for another eight months if you bring them back all together for their yearly shots."
"I can try that. If she doesn't suffocate me some night."
"Some cats do like to lay on their owner's throats and faces. Gently move her."
"I tucked her under my arm and flipped onto my side to curl around her. She decides to sleep on my side instead."
"Cats can be picky. Is the food doing okay with her?"
"I haven't seen more than the usual regurg Selena does when she eats too fast."
"That's good. Let me know if you have more problems."
"Caspian's very cuddly with them. And Selena's never cold." He shook his hand and put her back into the carrier so they could pay and go home. She got released once they got inside and she went to curl up with the other two on the couch. Somehow two small cats and a smallish dog took up a whole couch. It was against the law of physics but they were animals so didn't know about physics or laws. Alex went to his office to do some work instead of relaxing on the couch. They followed to nap on the couch in there.
***
Alex walked into the courtroom with Harley on his chest in the carrier this time, nodding at the judge. He put his bag down and Selena yawned and stretched from there. "You called us in suddenly and the house is being sprayed because my neighbor released termites. They don't accept cats at doggy daycare and Tony's building threatened to throw him out if he let them stay over for more than a few hours. Sorry!" He shrugged.
The judge sighed and shook his head. "It figures. Why did you get such a fluffy cat to go with the fluffy dog?"
"Caspian picked them." He picked up Selena, who yawned and glared. Then put her back into the bag. "He shoplifted that one from a shelter and nearly this one from the pet store."
The judge smiled at that. "You're a very good pet owner, Harris."
"I try. Though Harley is still trying to kill me at night with her floof."
"Some cats do that. My wife's last kitten did until I kicked it out of the bedroom."
"Then I'd have huffy animals all day." He sat down, petting the cat that was trying to wiggle free. "No. You stay in there or you go nap with Selena," he ordered quietly. "We do not get to roam in a courtroom. Even Caspian can't do that." The judge was snickering. The other lawyer came in and paused then petted the cat and Alex both on the head. "My neighbor released termites."
"We heard. She's in the FDA so on another floor and complaining that you're not her sort again."
"She can bite me. Next time I'm taking an axe to her ugly trees." The other lawyer snickered. "But we can't leave them somewhere without boarding them and that would freak them both out."
"I fully understand that," the other lawyer agreed smugly. He put his briefcase down. "Your Honor, the reason for this emergency hearing is that my supervisor has decided we do not need to and will not bend any rules for the peaceful community back to 2004."
"I doubt that'll fly," Alex said dryly. "Some of that has been codified into full laws."
The other side smiled at him. "They're pushing to have those overthrown."
"So it's another concentrated effort against the community," Alex said. The lawyer shrugged but grinned at him. "Yeah, let me start by outing some people who owe a large portion of themselves," he muttered. The judge stared at him. "We know plenty do, Your Honor. I can totally blow this whole thing up with just a single leak to the right person."
The judge cleared his throat. "That would be dangerous for you and your pets, Mr. Harris."
Alex grinned, but winked at the other side, making him shudder. "Sure beats having to defend places and rescue people. Unlike my twin, I don't specialize in weapons."
"Which we like," the judge agreed patiently. "Is that the most helpful thing though?"
"No, but the injunction I'm going to ask for is."
"Granted," the judge agreed. "I'm not going to ignore my last few years of work for the higher ups at the SBA."
That lawyer shrugged. "I'm beholden to my paycheck-giving people, Your Honor. That is not the feeling of most of us, but the higher ups...."
"Are probably on a soul clock timer, or want to be and got turned down," Alex quipped, standing up again. "I'll let the community know. Does that mean I don't have to show up tomorrow for the hearing?"
"They said we're not bending at all, Harris."
The judge smiled. "No. Sorry. We will delay tomorrow's hearing about that herbal store."
"Isn't tomorrow's the new temple?" Alex asked.
He looked at his scheduling book. "It is. We've got three hearings in the next few weeks. I'm going to continue all of them, issue an injunction so the cannot do that without a hearing on that rule breaking, because that does violate the agency's laws," the judge said dryly. "They can argue in front of Judge Mercer, which is not ideal," he agreed when Alex started to say something. "But it's his turn unless you want this to last for a month?"
"Not really. I'll have the community file papers later today. Maybe Judge Mercer will recuse himself for conflict of interest since he'd like to kill all the community."
"You're not that lucky, Harris," the judge assured him. Alex shrugged but smiled. "Good luck. You have an injunction starting today until the end of the hearing about it." The other side smiled at that and nodded, accepting that paperwork. "Good luck, Harris."
"I've survived this long," he quipped, picking up his bag and taking the paperwork from the other lawyer to go talk to the community. Selena growled in the car but he stared at her. "Yay." She calmed down once Harley was in the bag with her. He drove to the bar the community defense team hung out in until they were needed, looking at them.
"Let's go inside." Selena howled to get free of the floof so he put her into his carrier. Harley wiggled out to join her so he sighed and did that, going inside with the paperwork. "People, we need to have a sudden meeting," he announced as he walked in.
"It's too early for drama, not even the queenly vampires are up yet," one of the lawyers he wanted quipped back.
Alex put the papers in front of him. "The SBA has decided that they are going to retroactively not bend on any rules back to 2004." The lawyer choked. "There's an injunction until that can be debated in court but that would probably mean Judge Mercer."
The lawyer finally quit coughing and drank his beer, then stared at him. "Why?"
"I'm guessing either he's owing someone or he's one of the rejected ones." He grinned. "We need to file paperwork today though. Or early tomorrow."
"Oh, we will be. Is this a big move?"
"With all the threats recently? Yup."
"Shit." He called his bosses to come down there with the local council. Then he went over the paperwork Alex had been given. He stared at the meowing thing then sighed and shook his head. "Why are you carrying them like you do the dog?"
"Someone put termites on my house. It's being sprayed. They can't go to doggy daycare and Tony's building won't allow cats to do more than visit."
"Great." He stared at the frantically meowing thing then sighed. "And a fluffy one."
"Caspian decided to adopt. I'm hoping there's not a third." The lawyer patted them both. "He won't eat you and anyone that tried I'd kill, ladies. Calm down." They quit meowing. He went out to some grass to let them pee one at a time then put them back in the carrier to go back inside. He grinned at the incoming huffy person. "My idea is that we release the list."
The higher lawyer blinked a few times. "Would that help?"
"It could short circuit all the hell that the community is getting. All the threats, all that."
"Let me see if this one is on the list or not," he said. He took the forms to look at while his minion finished his lunch. "Shit."
"Judge Mathias said we'd probably get Judge Mercer. Who really is a kill them all sort. So that's going to have to be added in to the strategy." That got a nod with a grimace. "But Judge Mathias did give us an injunction. Which could be overturned but probably not. I won't make a bet on it though. Which means we need a preemptive action while we file."
"Okay," he agreed with a nod. "Has your twin had a vision?"
"I haven't talked to him since last night when I was complaining that I was having to relocate for a few days for termite spraying thanks to a neighbor."
The lawyer winced. "Why would they?"
"I'm still not their kind and she's in the FDA. I've already filed civil charges against her and am suing her for her stupid."
"Ah." He nodded. "Good luck."
Alex smirked. "She's going to try to complain that a demon moved in there. I'm still human. Much more than my twin is."
The lawyer flinched, staring at him. Alex grinned back. "Oh, dear."
"Oh, yeah." He nodded with a grin. "Muchly. One of the other neighbors told me. Pity she's stupid."
"You have fun playing with her, Harris."
"I don't want to own her house. She has gross trees she never takes care of." He sat down, petting the cats. He did text the doggy daycare that he had an emergency meeting so he'd have to run by to pick up Caspian in a few hours if that was fine. They agreed it was fine until about six. Alex checked his watch and agreed. "I've got to pick up Caspian by six." He put his phone back to stare at the people coming in. "Which other agencies started on what the SBA has?" he asked.
"The DOJ is trying not to prosecute for hate crimes," one admitted, coming over to look. "That's nasty."
"They've been making false complaints and hadn't gotten anywhere," Alex said.
"He wanted to release the list," the top lawyer said.
"We can do that as part of the filing," the councilor decided. "Proof of why they're doing it."
"I'd say give it to Fox News first," Alex offered. Then he smirked evilly. "They do so love to complain that demons own people."
The councilor patted him on the arm. "That's evil."
"Thank you!" He smiled and petted the cats. "Since Caspian adopted such a fluffy one, now I can be like Blowfeld."
"She's not a white persian," the councilor said.
"So I have more style." He shrugged. His phone beeped so he pulled it out to answer it. "Hey, twin'o'mine."
"Hey." He looked. "What are you wearing?"
"Selena and Harley. Caspian decided to demand Harley's adoption the other night."
He blinked a few times. "So you're petting a really fluffy cat?"
"Yes, because I have more style than Blowfeld."
"I'm sure you do, Alex," Stephen said from behind Xander.
Alex grinned and waved at him. "We're having an emergency summit because the SBA is trying to retroactively deny any rule changes to 2004."
"Yeah, I was going to warn you that we've heard they're going to try to attack you and others up there."
"And yet, I'm still human," he said dryly then smirked a bit. "Which is my neighbor's problem and why I got termites being sprayed for. She's in the FDA."
"Charming!" Alex grinned. Xander shook his head and sighed. "How's Caspian?"
"At doggy daycare but he was okay. Have you had a vision?"
"Yes, of you accepting a nomination."
"Ah." He nodded. "Some people up here have had that one about Tony."
"No, both of you got nominated."
"Awwww. Well, ...I guess I can still work alongside that."
"I have no idea how that works," Xander said. "And don't invite me up?"
"Hell no! I get elected you can come up and help me mourn, Xan."
"Point. Giles is going to choke himself to death."
"Hmm. Tell the blonde?"
"I do not want to hear that fit. I have to work with her at a meeting next week. Will you have a spare bed we can bum then?"
"Yeah. For you, definitely. For Faith. Not for the rest."
"Great!" He grinned. "Thanks." He hung up.
Alex put his phone back and stared at the higher lawyer, who had gotten his own drink to gulp as he walked back. "Xander's only been off-time."
"Shit," the bartender muttered, going to get more liquor. They'd need it tonight.
Alex grinned. "I love spreading such cheer." The councilor patted him on the arm but they settled in to make plans. Alex had to leave to get his dog but came back to get more involved. The community's legal defense squad was not happy to do that filing but they had a lot of it they could do. Even if everyone was having tail-clenching ideas.
***
Alex looked at the guy stomping up to his fence, waving at him as he watered his tree. "What's up, Officer?"
"The neighbors have complained that you're squatting here and you're a demon, sir."
Alex stared at him. "I'm fully human. This is my house. They're bigotted cunts. Who I'm suing because they intentionally gave me termites." He smiled. "I can prove I'm still human."
"Sir, maybe...."
"No, I'm not moving. I'm not moving my law office that works with the peaceful community. They can suck it the fuck up." The officer winced at that. He smiled and waved at the neighbor huffing over looking smug. "You've gotten me confused with my twin again but you're welcome for still being around." He looked at the officer again.
"We did stop the battle last week that would've taken her as a food source." He went back to watering the trees. "Other than that, I can prove I own my house. This isn't their first attempt at this stupidity and I'm really tired of it. They keep it up and I'm going to buy all their houses and then evict them for better beings."
The officer walked off calling that in. His shift supervisor read what had been tried and denied. "Why do you stay here?"
"I enjoy this house. This was my third house due to threats. I'm not moving again and even if they burn me out I'm going to rebuild it with just as pretty of woodwork. Only maybe I'll fix the kitchen." The officer shook his head. Caspian came out to sniff at the fence. "Don't even." Caspian sat beside him. "Much nicer. Did you let the cats out?" He went to check and came back once he found they were on the cabinets again. Caspian was sniffing at the officer. "He's fine, Caspian."
"He seems like a nice dog."
"He is but he's adopted two cats. I never saw myself with cats before him." The officer snickered at that. A neighbor stomped over. He smiled and waved at her. "Yes, Miss Annoying Trophy Wife?"
"You're not human and only humans can live here," she sneered.
"I am human. I work with the peaceful community. And if it wasn't for me and my twin, you'd be dead. So huff off back to your sugar daddy." He waved a hand. "That was not a rule when I bought my house for cash. And I can prove I'm fully human." She shrieked and tried to hit him so he turned the water hose on her, making her shriek for all new reasons.
"This is dry clean only!" she yelled.
"Then step off. Actions have consequences and you came over here to be a bitch. This is your consequence and I can keep wetting you down to see if you melt." He stared at her. She tried to hit him again so the water got turned back on her. She walked off fake crying to complain to the neighbors. He grinned at the officer. "I could've just hit her."
"Please don't, I don't want to arrest you for assault," he said. That one and a few others came over so he called for backup and turned on his body camera. "Ladies, he's human. He's just a lawyer."
Alex nodded. "I am a lawyer. I work with the peaceful community. I'm also very tolerant because I'm allowing you to live in my neighborhood." They tried to attack him so he hosed them all down. He switched the nozzle to make it spray in a more concentrated, harder stream. "The Wizard of Oz was wrong, witches don't melt!" Caspian barked. He looked down at him.
"Behave." Caspian ran back to the house and started to bark so he went to put out the attempted fire and beat that one nearly to death. The trophy wife's husband was going to need to ask his plastic surgeon coworkers for some help. He dragged him over to the officer to hand him over. Then handed over the molitov bottle he had emptied on the way. "Trying to light my back door on fire."
The officer looked at him. "Maybe you should get some guards."
Alex grinned. "They burn my house, the weapons I'm holding for my twin brother will go up and destroy them all." He smiled and showed his miniaturized card. "My twin's the watcher in Africa. I have some of his spares."
"Ohkay," the officer decided, looking that card over. "Anything too huge?"
"Nothing nuclear. He used that last month to save Mozambique."
The officer blinked then went to talk to the supervising officer showing up. They came back together. "Mr. Harris, how large are they?" the supervisor asked.
"Right now I have a few larger pieces of artillery for him but nothing that'll do more than destroy a building. Now and then I need to borrow to save this city but he just smiles while we have weapons time."
"Your twin is the Watcher guy in Africa?"
"Yeah. Xander's my twin. He's a watcher, I'm a lawyer. We each defend people in our own ways."
"True, that would help. What's their issue?"
"I help the peaceful community and they're worthless."
"Ah." He nodded. "This isn't the first call."
"No. And almost none of them have been real or from me."
"No, I've noticed that." He looked down at the dog then at him. "Yours?"
"Yeah, his two cats are inside the house. Which is why I made the mess the trophy whore is crying on. He was trying to burn down my house." He smiled. The trophy wife tried to attack him again so he picked up the hose and got her again. She still tried to come over the fence. "You do that and I'm going to hit you too. Girls can take a punch." She got pulled off by the officers. He put the hose down again, shrugging some. "I had been watering my trees."
"That's reasonable," the supervisor said. "What's going on today?"
"The wet one there tried to tell me that I can't own here because apparently I'm not human. Even though I am. And I've been here longer than she has. She and one of her two besties moved in last year. I've been here for a few. The other one's been here for years and hates me for some unknown reason. Probably because I laughed about joining a country club. It's just not my scene. A whole bunch of boring people who know nothing about reality partying in the most boring way possible."
The supervisor nodded. "I can see that point of view. Their problem today?"
The officer shook his head. "The woman he sprayed just now called in to say he was squatting here and a demon, wanted me to remove the illegal occupant. She tried to attack him physically so he turned the hose on her, Sir."
"Which made her scream it was dry clean only," Alex added sarcastically. "Then she stomped off to come back with her besties and her husband tried to burn my house. Thankfully I have the hose hooked up back there to do the new sod."
"Do you talk with most of the neighbors?"
"No. I don't really care about a lot of their petty fits. I'm nice to the ones who're nice. The rest, I tend to ignore."
"He's a demon!" one shouted.
"I'm a human who is a lawyer who defends the peaceful community," Alex shot back. "And you can't prove otherwise." The woman shrank away from him looking horrified. He looked behind him. "Hey, give me a few. They're trying again and we'll go over your divorce in a few."
"That's fine, Harris. Can I remove Caspian inside?"
"Please. And watch out for him to pounce the cats off the top of the cabinets?"
"I can do that and make sure your cats are fine." He took the dog inside, talking to him to keep him calm. Caspian did go up to check on his cat friends but didn't knock them off this time. He watched outside, shaking his head as he let others know they were stupidly trying the Knight again.
Alex shrugged. "Sorry but I'm handling his divorce for him. Need me for more?"
"No." The supervising officer stared at them then looked at him again. "It may not be safe."
"Oh, it'll be safe. If I have to make it safe, I can do that." He smiled, taking his card back. "I don't want to have to. I'd like to have a nice, friendly relationship with all my neighbors. They're not allowing that. That's their choice." He walked off. "Have fun with them. I'll turn off the hose once they're gone." He went inside to take his client to work on the divorce filing.
"He could have done a lot worse than just hosed you down," the lower officer told them. He looked at the moaning guy then at the paramedics hurrying over. "This homeowner caught that guy trying to burn his house. He got him for it."
"Great," the paramedic said with a nod. "Harris had a light touch today."
"You know about him?" the supervisor asked.
"He's one of the guys that has to help defend the peaceful community. He also rescued some over the years. A few months back he was defending an egg nursery with an old world war two field machine gun. We had a lot of fun picking up those guys."
"Is he military?"
The paramedic shrugged. "No idea. He doesn't go in for destruction but he'll make a mess if he has to." He looked at the body he was working on. "And he did." His partner helped him stabilize the guy then get him into the ambulance with an officer.
The lower officer shifted his weight. "He said this is his third house due to threats. He likes this house so he's not leaving."
"I wouldn't. Especially since they came later. Giving in shows fear." He helped clean up the whining women. "I'm sure your own lawyers will happily take your calls to get you out of jail, ladies." He walked them off.
***
Alex looked at the judge hearing the attempted suing him for damages to that guy. "Your Honor, I caught him trying to burn my house with a molitov." He handed over the police report. "Yes, I beat the threat to my house and my pets. His wife had attacked me at my gate after trying to get an officer to come evict me from my house because she hates anyone not like her.
"I hosed her down, because I had been watering my trees. She ran off to get hubby and her girlfriends, then came back to whine some more and tried to attack me in front of the officer she had called. I'll admit I broke his face. I did a good job breaking his face. But I was defending my house and livelihood since I do run my law office out of my study."
The judge cleared his throat. "Are you against paying for his medical care?"
"Yes. Actions have consequences and his actions led to me beating him for trying to burn my house down. I've been in that neighborhood now for nearly three years and they've barely been there for ten months. Let them move if they hate the neighbors. They don't even live near me. They live on the other end of the block."
"I see." He looked that defense over, shaking his head. "I see he was arrested for that attempted arson. They've deferred the plea bargain phase until he can speak clearly." He looked at the pictures. "Are you a boxer, Mr. Harris?"
"No. I grew up hunting bad members of the peaceful community who try to not remain peaceful."
The judge cleared his throat. "You're that Harris."
"I am." He smiled. "Which is apparently their whiny minded problem."
"Ah." He nodded, going back over it then shook his head. "That isn't self defense but it is defense of your property. He could've shot them instead," he told the other lawyer.
"Then he probably could've gone back to work," the lawyer complained.
Alex shook his head. "No, I'm fairly accurate. He wouldn't have gotten up again. Ever." The lawyer flinched at that. "I don't play with threats. I handle plenty of them, both to myself and this city's residents. I learned not to let them get back up." He looked at the judge again. "All I had was a knife. I'm really happy I didn't think about pulling it."
"Me too." He looked at the filings again. "This is a mess." The lawyer huffed. "But he was right to defend his house. He could have probably had the officers already there handle it."
"No time and my gate has a passcode lock so I would've had to run back to let him in. My security system was on so it has a fingerprint or a passcode lock. All my clients use the gate back by my garage so they can park in front of it."
"That's not a bad idea. Is that gate weak?"
"No, that one I have a separate code. It's in the alley but if I know I have a client coming I'll turn that specific gate off."
"That makes sense since you work from home." He looked at the other side. "Your client's reasoning behind arson being a good idea?"
"He upset the man's wife, Your Honor."
"I sprayed her with a hose when she tried to physically attack me," Alex said dryly. "Then she shrieked about her outfit being dry clean only." He looked at the judge again. "I'm not moving and if they did burn my house down, I'd just rebuild with even more woodwork after I destroyed whoever did it for hurting my pets."
"I heard you had to bring your dog in a few times."
"And the new cat once," he agreed dryly. "They had put termites in my house and I had to have it sprayed." He handed that bill over. "Which is why I'm countersuing. I've had enough."
"That's nasty. And the rest of the times the neighbors tried something, according to police reports." He read through them. "This seems to be a constant problem."
"It's like crunchy granola on top of the yogurt of my life," Alex said dryly. "I have too many other threats right now to deal with theirs or play nice, Your Honor."
"I've heard rumors about another threat against the community."
Alex nodded. "And Judge Mercer refused to do the ethical thing and recuse himself from the case." The judge stared at him. "He's said repeatedly that he'd like to kill all the peaceful community members after watching him smash their eggs and kids. That's not really being impartial."
"No it's not. We have an ethics board...."
"I've already talked to them too," Alex quipped then grinned. "Though it's nice he's on the list of people who tried to get demonic attention and didn't." The judge's eyes widened as he stared at him. Alex grinned back. "It was part of the evidence in the case, Judge Aarrons."
"Oh, dear. Does he know that?"
"If he read anything."
"Oh, dear." He went back to the current case with a cleared throat. "That's going to be more messy than this is."
"They can move," Alex quipped.
"True, they could." He looked at that lawyer. "He does seem to have a point and a reasonable reason to have beaten your client."
"Are you sure you're impartial, Your Honor? You seem to know this person."
"Yes, he's seen me in court," Alex said sarcastically. "Defending beings against being arrested for undue charges. Frankly, he probably still thinks I'm an asshole who needs to calm down because I outted a whole unit of police who were dirty and arresting peaceful community members for looking funny." The lawyer winced at that. "He agreed I was an asshole then and I'm still an asshole now."
"That's true, and I've seen him in court too," the judge agreed. "We don't have a social relationship and I do not tend to go anywhere Mr. Harris would hang out." He looked at Alex. "You didn't get another representative?"
"No, Tony wanted too many favors to borrow my hot tub for a date." He grinned. "He's busy today anyway."
The judge shook his head at that. "That figures." He went back over things. "I'm seeing a long history of people complaining that you have a house, Mr. Harris." Alex nodded at that. "Before they moved in."
"One of the attacking women was one of the earlier ones."
"Ah." He went back to it. "I don't see a reason why he wouldn't have beaten the guy on the street, much less defending his house." The other lawyer slumped. "Frankly, I don't find Mr. Harris liable for his medical care. Or his lost wages.
"He was involved in a criminal action when he was beaten. If he had been holding up a store and gotten beaten we wouldn't allow the robber to hold someone accountable for it. I'm not inclined to do that this time." He handed back the papers. "Nice try, Mr. Edwards." He looked at Alex. "Are you moving?"
"I like my house and I'm tired of moving. That was my third house due to threats. If they try something I'm going to rebuild bigger and more fabulous with more woodwork."
The judge smiled. "I can see that point, Mr. Harris. Good luck with them."
"Let them move, Your Honor. I'm sure they could get a nice price for their houses that they renovated."
"You didn't?"
"I had to replace a roof and undo water damage. Otherwise, not really. I did one bathroom because it was in plastic." He shrugged. "That one had water damage anyway. Tony says my kitchen's nineties fabulous but I have commercial appliances."
The judge just nodded at that. "You may want to up that some day."
"If I sell." He smiled at the other lawyer. "I look forward to arguing against you again," he said, holding out a hand, like he had in law school. The guy groaned but shook it and left. "Let me go brush Caspian and one of his cats. They're both too fluffy. The other one gets a bath tomorrow." He picked up his bag and left.
The judge snickered, shaking his head at that. Alex was still an asshole of epic proportions.
***
Alex walked out of the preliminary hearing, shaking his head at the staring press people. "It was continued as the judge realized he was part of the filing," he reported. "So it has to be reassigned." The reporters surged. "Ach! Not that close!" They backed off. "Judge Mercer realized he was a member of a group that would be impacting this hearing so he has agreed to hand the case over.
"It will be reassigned this week. We all hope that the judge they assign it to is a reasonable being. Most of them are." He nodded at the legal team coming out together talking. "Ask them for anything other than the case was continued. I'm just their backup." He got out of the way.
"Thank you, Harris," one said. "Yes, it was continued because Judge Mercer has a close relationship with a group that is mentioned in the case. He agreed to hand it over when it was pointed out. We all hope the next judge is reasonable. Many in this district are." He walked around Alex. "Let Mr. Harris get back to his pets. He's backing us up on this case, not headlining it."
"I don't need that sort of attention," Alex quipped with a grin for a reporter. That's why he was staring that way when a car sped up. "Move," he ordered, pushing through the reporters to go guard the senior lawyers. He pounced one down as they were shot at.
Another one fell to one but it wasn't fatal. Alex winced as he stood up, looking around. No agents or officers so he pulled his weapon and got the car to disable it. The people got out to rampage up there but he kicked one down with a wince for his knee.
He shot the other three so he didn't hurt that knee again, going for wounding this time. They had chest armor on. They needed to be able to speak. One tried to limp off but a reporter got him tripped and stood on him "Thank you," he called. "Paul, you good?"
"This hurts like hell," he complaining, holding his arm's hole. "Brian?"
"I think I knocked him out when I pounced," Alex said, checking him. "Yup. Just unconscious." He called in the ambulance for the community. They got there as the officers did. "Guys, I knocked Brian out when I pounced him to get him out of the way. He's barely starting to groan. Sorry but they were aiming at him. Paul's got a through-and-through." They nodded, coming to check them. Alex looked at the staring officer. "No one else was here. Need my sidearm?"
The officer nodded. "We do, Mr. Harris. Are you Rambo?"
He looked at himself, ran a hand over his hair to check for the bandana, then looked at the gun he handed over. "I don't seem to look like him and I don't have an assault rifle. I left them living so you can ask them what their stupid idea was since they attacked us on federal property."
The officer winced at that. "Point. Are you injured?"
"Pissed. Hurt my knee pouncing, it bent sideways. Then I kicked with it," he said with a grimace, looking at his knee. "Probably needs iced and wrapped." He looked at the other officers again. "Did you expect me to let them kill people?" They groaned. "We've all seen me defending the community's spaces I'm sure." He looked at the officer in front of him again. "Have fun with them and when can I get my gun back?"
"Registered?"
"Yes." He smiled and nodded. "All my handguns are registered and my crossbows too. You guys don't register anything else I own."
"Point." He nodded at the agent stomping over. "Mr. Harris stopped the assailants."
"Mr. Harris was giving flirty eyes to a reporter so he was looking that way when they sped up and spun out," Alex quipped.
"I didn't realize he was flirting but I'm married. Sorry!"
Alex smiled at her. "Only the deadly like me anyway, dear. You're much too nice to be one of mine." She blushed at that, ducking her head. He looked at the agent again. "I was the only one here to handle it." He shrugged. "What did you expect me to do?"
"Scream like a normal civilian," the agent admitted.
Alex laughed. "Oh, man, that almost makes my knee feel better." He kept snickering as he limped off. "If you're going to arrest me do it at the ER please. I need my knee looked at." He got in with the two lawyers, nodding at the paramedic. "I can guard them until we get to the healer's. Then I'll hit an ER for my knee. Worry about them."
"I can and will, Harris. You're a very weird human."
"I grew up in Sunnydale." He smirked a bit. "It did it to all of us."
"I can tell that." They got to the healer's office and got out, letting Alex help him move the gurneys inside.
"I pounced Brian to protect him and it banged his head on the courthouse stairs," Alex told the healer, walking around her. "Paul got a through-and-through."
"Thank you, Harris. Why are you limping?"
"Got my knee when I pounced. It shifted sideways." He grimaced. "I need to ice and wrap it." He patted one healer on the arm. "You call me if you need me to guard you tonight. Let me eat and wrap that knee first." She nodded, letting him go. The paramedic gave him a ride to where his car was parked. He went home to handle his knee, feed his pets, and himself.
***
Tony was guarding the healers that night when the cranky people showed up again. He smirked at them and waved. "Hey, guys." He walked closer. "Are we going to try something stupid?" They tried to shoot at him so yup, they were. They didn't like him answering that with his own wounding shots. Or Alex's from where he was sitting. Tony had made him sit.
"My field gun's in the car if we need it," he quipped.
Tony looked back at him. "I'd hope we didn't, Alex." He smiled at the officers showing up. "These yahoos decided to try to be tough. They really don't make that grade."
The officers came over to see what had happened since they had a video camera set up in clear view of everything. One officer stepped into Tony's face. "You're not an agent now," he sneered. "You're interfering in a police matter. We can charge you for that, DiNozzo."
"Thankfully I'm not. Since two of those were, I'd hate to go on report for dealing with their failure at being human. Those locker room talks never seem to go unnoticed these days." He smiled again. "I don't need that sort of attention."
The officer sneered. "You're not that tough, DiNozzo."
Alex stood up and came over. "Are you mad that you couldn't get time off to handle this yourself?" He smiled at the officer. "Though, does your clan like that about you?" The officer flinched back. "How's your brother? I haven't seen him in weeks. This is Hobart's brother, Tony."
"Oh. Hey. Alex introduced us at the bar one night while we were working with a client on something."
The officer stomped off to drive off. Both guys waved at his back. Another officer stared at them. "We already knew, guys. Calm down."
"Sure, if you make them quit," Tony said dryly. "By the way, the ones that got the egg depository last night? We had substituted eggs for other types. Mostly ostrich and emu eggs sold commercially. Though one was poisonous."
Alex nodded. "We couldn't move that one and the nursery staff said if they destroyed it, it'd stop a later threat to humanity and the city. I'm sorry they poisoned themselves but the other ones would've been worse." He grinned.
"Good to know it was poisonous," another officer said. "Did you tell them?"
"Of course. Right after we told those guys that they were fake eggs." Alex limped back to his seat. "Tony said he'd handcuff me if I didn't sit my ass down."
"He's worse than Kate was when she was injured," Tony said dryly. "Or Gibbs. I didn't think that was possible." They all groaned and cleaned up the mess Tony had made. The tape was turned back on so they could keep taping what was going on.
Someone was not going to be happy about that tape. But oh well! They had done it to themselves.
***
Alex walked out of the first day of real trial, shaking his head but smiling at the waiting reporters. "Again, guys?" A few nodded. "We did opening statements. We laid out our evidence stacks. Including the list of people who have sold part of themselves. Or wanted to sell part of themselves and didn't manage it."
A few of the reporters moaned. He smiled at one of them. Who shook her head quickly. "I know you guys are too nice to flirt with. Paul and Brian are going out the back door though." They went to find them. Alex walked off to find his car, finding Tony with the pets there. "Did something happen?"
"I need to bum a room until I can move. My building's decided to go condo suddenly without warning anyone and wanted money up front today."
"You can buy there if you want."
"I don't want. I like the neighbors but the building's people are bad. They never fix anything and they're slow to do anything but raise the rent."
"Thankfully I have a few spare beds, even though Faith and Xander are taking up two of them. At worst you can have the couch."
"Thanks." He smiled at a staring reporter. "I'm mid-move. Got to find a place."
"Good luck. It took me months."
"It did me too last time." He looked at the pets then at Alex. "Stephen scared Harley by squealing. She went on threat status alpha and nearly attacked everyone. I'm saving Faith."
"That's fine. I don't mind my pets. Or your pet that used to be my pet." He got in to pet them all. Selena slinked over the armrest to settle in his lap. Harley meowed while climbing up the back of the seat to sit on his shoulder. Caspian and Santa both barked so he reached back to pet them in their harnesses.
"Hey, guys. Did you miss the daddy today?" Tony got in to drive, making sure Harley didn't rush out. "Ah! You know better, Harley! You only go outside on a leash! Before you make Caspian adopt a third cat." The reporter who had heard that laughed. "He did!" Tony shook his head but drove them off to get dinner then go back to the house. He walked in, hearing the breathy noises. "Cool." He winked at Faith since she was on the couch, getting swatted for it. "We got Korean beef for dinner."
"I'm with that but Stephen's apparently in heat."
"I wonder if he got into that drugged mail I got sent," Alex asked Tony, who looked confused. "Someone sent me succuba making drugs. I, of course, had a nice date night and sent them a thank you letter." Faith moaned, shaking her head. Tony just patted him on the shoulder then swatted him on the head. "Guys, if one of you got into the drugged mail, sorry! I thought I put a post-it on it! We brought dinner when you're done."
"Twenty more!" Xander ordered. Then Stephen yelped.
"Okay," Alex agreed, going to dish up dinner. Caspian barked so he fed all the pets too. "I know it was time. I was going to put yours down after ours." He petted his dog, making him happy as he munched. Both cats got their own food then went back onto the cat tree.
Faith looked then at him. "Your fluffy cat tried to sit on my head."
"She does that to me too. I think she's secretly homicidal but no clue. I'm told cats can do that." He petted Harley. "I did name her after Harley Quinn though since we already had Selena." She looked confused. "Cat Woman."
"Oh." She nodded. "Okay. Geek things." She patted him on the cheek, getting her plate to go back to the couch to eat. Santa looked over. "Sorry, I don't share, dog."
"Santa, no begging," Tony ordered. His dog put his head back down, looking hopeful.
"He's really good," Faith quipped but didn't give him any. "Go ask Daddy for some, Santa." He ran over to Tony and Alex when Tony patted his thigh. Tony did give him a small piece of beef. Which meant Caspian got some to lick off. He didn't like the spices so Santa got that one too. The cats got to sniff some of the sauce and turned their noses up at it so there was no more begging.
Xander came out to get his plate, sitting at the table. "Yeah, I checked your mail."
Alex gave him a hug with a grin. "I sent them a thank you note because I had a nice date night from touching the outside of the envelope." He sat back up to eat. Stephen moaned but came out once he was redressed to get his own dinner. Santa tried to beg them but Xander just petted him and Stephen ignored him. They could watch movies later so Stephen had time to recover.
***
Law and Orderly Chaos.